Srawu .«- Kuj^rared l.v MIl.l '^i'iDJB3I^3E.^^ iv,i^;®l^mg®Sfr MM. Slirliiip .V Slndr THE MISCELLANEOUS WORKS OF TOBIAS SMOLLETT, M.D. MEMOIRS OF HIS LIFE AND WRITINGS, BY ROBERT ANDERSON, M.D. THE SIXTH EDITION, IN SIX VOLUMES. ^^- VOLUME 11. % CONTAINING THE ADVEJiTVRES OP PEREGRINE PICKLE, PART I. # EDINBURGH: PRINTED FOR STIRLING <5 SLADE, PETER HILL 4 CO., AND FAIRBAIRN 4^ ANDERSON, EDINBURGH; W. OTRIDGE, J CUTHILL, LACKINQTON, HARDING, HUGHES, MAVOR, 4 JONES, BALDWIN, CRADOCK, 4 JOY, R. SCHOLEY, G. COWIE 4 CO., R. SAUNDERS, W. H. REID, G. MACKIE, AND T. 4 J. ALLMAN, LONDON ; WILSON 4 SONS, YORK; B, MILLIKEN AND J, CUMMINC, DUBLIN. 1820. wniVKKSITY OF CALIFORNIA SANTA BARBARA CONTENTS OF THE SECOND VOLUME. Chap. I. An account of Mr Gamaliel Pickle. The disposition of his sister de- scribed. He yields to her solicitations, and retires to the country I JI. He is made acquainted with the characters of Commodore Trunnion and his adherents ; meets with them by accident, and contracts an intimacy with that commander 5 III. Mrs Grizzle exerts herself in finding a proper match for her brother, who is accordingly introduced to the young lady, whom he marries in due season... IS IV. The behaviour of Mrs Grizzle at the wedding, with an account of the guests i9 v. Mrs Pickle assumes the reins of government in her own family ; her sister- in-law undertakes an enterprise of great moment ; but is for some diverted from her purpose by a very interesting consideration 22 VI. Mrs Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her sister's longings Peregrine is born, and managed contrary to the directions and remonstrances of his aunt, who is disgusted upon that account ; and resumes the plan which she had be- fore rejected 28 VI I- Divers stratagems are invented, and put in practice, in order to overcome the obstinacy of Trunnion, who at length is teazed and tortured into tlie noose of wedlock 3T VIII Preparations are made for the commodore's wedding, which is delayed by an accident that hurried him the Lord knows whither 41 IX. lie is found by the lieutenant ; reconducted to his own heuse ; married to Mrs Grizzle, wlio meets with a small misfortune in the night, and asserts her prerogative next morning ; in consequence of which her husband's eye is en- dangered 48 X. The commodore being in some cases restive, his lady has recourse to artifice in the establishment of her throne ; she exhibits symptoms of pregnancy, to the unspeakable joy of Trunnion, who nevertheless is baulked in his ex- pectation 54 XI. Mrs Trunnion erects a tyranny in the garrison, while her husband con- ceives an affection for his nephew Perry, who manifests a peculiarity of dispo- sition, even in his tender years 60 XII. Peregrine is sent to a boarding-school, becomes remarkable for his genius and ambition 64 XIII. The commodore takes Peregrine under his own care. The boy arrives at the garrison ; is strangely received by his own mother ; enters into a con- federacy with Hatchway and Pipes, and executes a couple of waggish enter- prises upon his aunt 71 IV CONTENTS. Chap. XIV. He is also, by their device, engaged in an adventure with the exciseman, who does not find his account in his own drollery 80 XV, The commodore detects the machinations of the conspirators, and hires a tutor for Peregrine whom he settles at Winchester school 85 XVI. Peregrine distinguishes himself among his school-fellows, exposes his tutor, and attracts the particular notice of the master 90 XVII He is concerned in a dangerous adventure with a certain gardener; sublimes his ideas, commences gallant, and becomes acquainted with Miss Emily Gauntlet 94 XVIII. He inquires into the situation of this young lady, with whom he is enamoured ; elopes from school ; is found by the lieutenant ; conveyed to Winchester; and sends a letter, with a copy of verses, to his mistress ...102 XIX. His messenger meets with a misfortune, to which he applies a very ex- traordinary expedient, that is attended with strange consequences 110 XX. t'eregrine is summoned to attend his uncle ; is more and more hated by his own mother ; appeals to his father, whose condescension is defeated by. the dominion of his wife 115 XXI Trunnion is enraged at the conduct of Pickle. Peregrine resents the in- justice of his mother, to whom he explains his sentiments in a letter. Is entered at the university of Oxford, where he signalizes himself as a youth of an enterprising genius 120 XXII He is insulted by his tutor, whom he lampoons ; makes a considerable progress in polite literature : and, in an excursion to Windsor, meets with Emilia by accident, and is very coldly received 125 XXIII. After sundry unsuccessful efforts, he finds means to come to an explan- ation with his mistress ; and a reconciliation ensues 132 XXIV. He achieves an adventure at the assembly, and quarrels with his governor 140 XXV. He receives a letter from his aunt, breaks with the commodore, and dis- obliges the Ueutenant, who nevertheless undertakes bis cause 146 XXVI He becomes melancholy and despondent; is favoured with a conde- scending letter from his uncle : reconciles himself to his governor ; and sets out with Emilia and her friend for Mrs Gauntlet's house 153 XXVII They meet with a dreadful alarm on the road ; arrive at their jour- ney's end. Peregrine is introduced to I'.mily's brother ; these two young gentlemen misunderstand each other. Pickle departs for the garrion ...157 •^XVIII Peregrine is overtaken by Mr Gauntlet, with whom he fights a duel, and contracts an intimate friendship He arrives at the garrison and finds his mother as implacable as ever. He is insulted by his brother Gam, whose preceptor he disciplines with a horse-whip ...164 XXIX He projects a plan of revenge, which is executed against the curate 170 XXX. Mr Sackbut and his pupil conspire against Peregrine, who, being ap- prised of their design by his sister, takes measures for counterworking their scheme, which is executed by mistake upon Mr Gauntlet. This young sol- dier meets with a cordial reception from the commodore, who generously de- coys him into his own interest 175 CONTENTS. V Chap. XXXI. The two young gentlemen display their talents for gallantry, in the course of which they are involved in a ludicrous circumstance of distress, and afterwards take vengeance on the author of their mishap 182 XXXII. The commodore sends a challenge to Gamaliel, and is imposed upon by a waggish invention of the lieutenant, Peregrine, and Gauntlet 188 XXXIII. Peregrine takes leave of his aunt; sets out from the garrison; parts with his uncle and Hatchway on the road ; and, with his governor, arrives in safety at Dover 192 XXXIV. He adjusts the method of his correspondence with Gauntlet; meets by accident with an Italian charlatan, and a certain apothecary, who proves to be a noted character 195 XXXV. He embarks for France; is overtaken by a storm; is surprised with the appearance of Pipes ; lands at Calais, and has an affray with the oflScers of the custom-house 202 XXXVI. He makes a fruitless attempt in gallantry ; departs for Boulogne, where he spends the evening with certain English exiles 209 XXX VII. Proceeds for the capital; takes up his lodgings at Bernay, where he is overtaken by Mr Hornbeck, whose head he longs to fortify 215 XXXVIII. They set out in company, breakfast at Abbeville, dine at Amiens, and, about eleven o'clock arrive at Chantilly, where Peregrine executes a plan which he had concerted upop Hornbeck 219 XXXIX. He is involved in an adventure at Paris, and taken prisoner by the city guard. Becomes acquainted with a French nobleman, who introduces him in the beau moude 223 XL. Acquires a distinct idea of the French government. Quarrels with a mousquetaire, whom he afterwards fights and vanquishes, after having punished him for interfering in his amorous recreations 230 XLI. Mr Jolter threatens to leave him, on account of his misconduct, which he promises to rectify ; but his resolution is defeated by the impetuosity of his passion. He meets accidently with Mrs Hornbeck, who elopes with him from her husband, but is restored by the interposition of the British ambassador 237 XLI I. I'eregrine resolves to return to England. Is diverted with the odd characters of two of his countrymen, with whom he contracts an acquaintance in the apartments of the Palais Royal 245 XLIII. He introduces his new friends to Mr Jolter, with whom the doc- tor enters into a dispute upon government, which had well nigh terminated in open war 252 XL IV. The doctor prepares an entertainment in the manner of the ancients, which is attended with divers ridiculous circumstances - 257 XLV The painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to a masquerade in woman's apparel. Is engaged in a troublesome adventure, and, with his companion, conveyed to the Bastile 266 XLVI By the fidelity of Pipes, Jolter is informed of his pupil's fate. Con- fers with the physician. Applies to the ambassador, who, with great diffi- culty, obtains the discharge of the prisoners, on certain conditions 271 V CONTKNTS. Chap LXVII. Peregrine makes himself merry at the expense of the pauiter, who curses his landlady, and breaks with the doctor 275 XLVIII. Pallet conceives a hearty contempt of his fellow-traveller, and at- taches himSelf to Pickle, who, nevertheless persecutes him. with his mischiev- ous talents upon the road to Flanders 383 XLIX. Nor is the physician sacred from his ridicule. They reach Arras, where our adventurer engages in play with two French officers, who next morning give the landlord an interesting proof of their importance 288 L. Peregrine moralizes upon their behaviour, which is condemned by the doctor, and defended by the governor They arrive in safety at Lisle, dine at an ordinary, visit the citadel The physician quarrels with a North Briton, who is put in arrest 293 LI. Pickle engages with a knight of Malta in a conversation upon the English stage, which is followed by a dissertation on the theatres of the ancients, by the doctor 298 LIT. An adventure happens to Pipes, in consequence of which he is dismissed from Percgririe's service. The whole company set out for Ghent in the diligence. Our hero is captivated by a lady in that carriage. Interests her spiritual director in his behalf 303 LIII. He makes some progress in her affections Is interrupted by a dis- pute between Jolter and the Jew Appeases the wrath of the capuchin, wha procures for him an interview with his fair enslaver, in which he finds himself deceived 309 LIV. He makes another effort towards the accomplishment of his wish, which is postponed by a strange accident 314 L.V. They depart from Ghent. Our hero engaiies in a political dispute with his mistress, whom he offends and pacifies with submission. He practises an expedient to detain the carriage at Alost, and confirms the priest in his inte- rest 318 LVI. The French coquette entraps the heart of the Jew, against whom Pallet enters into a conspiracy ; by which Peregrine is again disappointed, and the Hebrew's incontinence exposed 323 LVI I. Pallet endeavouring to unravel the mystery of the treatment he had received, falls out of the frying pan into the fire 327 LVIII. Peregrine almost distracted with his disappointments, conjures the fair Fleming to permit his visits at Brussels. She withdraws from his pur- suit 333 LIX. Peregrine meets with Mrs Hornbeck, and is consoled for his loss. His valet- de-chambre is embroiled with her duenna, whom, however, he finds means to appease 34i3 LX. Hornbeck is informed of his wife's adventure with Peregrine, for whom he prepares a stratagem, which is rendered ineffectual by the information of J'ipes. The husband is ducked for his intention, and our hero appre- hended by the patrol 347 LXI, Peregrine is released. Jolter confounded at his mysterious conduct. A contest hapi)ens between tiie poet and painter who are reconciled by the mediation of their fellow-travellers 353 CONTENTS. Vll Chap. LXII. The travellers depart for Antwerp, at which place the painter gives a loose to his enthvisiasm 35S I.XIII. Peregrine artfully foments a quarrel between Pallet and the physi- cian, who fight a duel on the ramparts 361< LXIV. The doctor exults in his victory. They set out for Rotterdam, where they are entertained by two Dutch gentlemen in a yacht, which is over- turned in the Maese, to the manifest hazard of the painter's life. They spend the evening with their entertainers, and next day visit a cabinet of curiosi- ties 372 LXV. They proceed to the Hague, from whence they depart for Amsterdam, where they see a Dutch tragedy Visit the music-house, in which Peregrine quarrels with the captain of a man of war. They pass through Haarlem, in their way to Ley den Return to Rotterdam, v/here the company separates, and our hero with his attendants, arrive in safety at Harwich ....37S LXVI. Peregrine delivers his letters of recommendation at London, and re- turns to the garrison, to the unspeakable joy of the commodore and his whole family 383 LXVIL Sees his sister happily married. Visits Emilia, who receives him ac- cording to his deserts 390 LXVin. He attends his uncle with great affection during a fit of illness. Sets out again for London. Meets with his fnend Godfrey, who is pre- vailed upon to accompany him to Bath ; on the road to which place they chance to dine with a person who entertains them with a curious account of a certain company of adventurers 395 LXIX Godfrey executes a scheme at Bath, by which a whole company of sharpers is ruined 4(J0 LXX The two friends eclipse all their competitors in gallantry, and practise a pleasant project of revenge upon the physicians of the place 404 LXXI Peregrine humbles a noted Hector, and meets with a strange character at the house of a certain lady 413 LXXIL He cultivates an acquaintance with the misanthrope, who favours hun with a short sketch of his own history 41T LXXIIL Peregrine arrives at the garrison, where he receives the last admoni- tions of Commodore Trunnion, who next day resigns his breath, and is buried according to his own directions. Some gentlemen in the country make a fruitless attempt to accommodate matters betwixt Mr Gamaliel Pickle and his eldest son 424 LXXIV The young gentleman having settled his domestic affairs, arrives in London, and sets up a gay equipage. He meets with Emilia, and is introduced to her uncle 429 LXXV. He prosecutes his design upon Emilia with great art and persever- ance 434 LXXVL He prevails upon Emilia to accompany him to a masquerade, makes a treacherous attempt upon her affection and meets with a deserved repulse 439 LXX VII He endeavours to reconcile himself to his mistress, and expostulates with the uncle, who forbids him the house , 44(J Vm CONTENTS. Chap. LXXVIII- He projects a violent scheme, in consequence of which he is involved in a most fatiguing adventure, which greatly tends towards the augmentation of his chagrin 449 LXXIX. Peregrine sends a message to Mrs Gauntlet, who rejects his propo- sal He repairs to the garrison 457 LXXX He returns to London, and meets with Cadwallader, who entertains him with many curious particulars. Crabtree sounds the duchess, and un- deceives Pickle, who, by an extraordinary accident, becomes acquainted with another lady of quality 461 ADVERTISEMENT TO THE THIRD EDITION. At length Peregrine Pickle makes his appearance in a new- edition, in spite of all the art and industry that were used to stifle him in the birth, by certain booksellers and others, who were at uncommon pains to misrepresent the work and calumniate the author. The performance was decried as an immoral piece, and a scurrilous libel ; the author was charged with having defamed the characters of particular persons, to whom he lay under con- siderable obligations : and some formidable critics declared, that the book was void of humour character, and sentiment. These charges, had they been supported by proof, would have certainly damned the writer and all his works : and even unsupported as they were, had an unfavourable effect with the public : but, luckily for him, his real character was not unknown ; and some readers were determined to judge for themselves, rather than trust implicitly to the allegations of his enemies. The book was found not altogether unworthy of their recommendation ; a very large impression has been sold in England ; another was bought up in a neighbomnng king- dom ; the work has been translated into the French language ; and the demand for the original lately increased in England. It was the author's duty, therefore, as well as his interest, to oblige the public with this edition, which he has endeavoured to render less unworthy of their acceptance, by retrenching the superfluities of the first, reforming its manners, and cor- recting its expression. Divers uninteresting incidents are wholly suppressed: some humorous scenes he has endeavour- ed to heighten ; and he flatters himself that he has expunged every adventure, phrase, and insinuation, that could be con- strued by the most delicate reader into a trespass upon the rules of decorum. Vol. 11. b He owns, with contrition, that, in one or two instances, he gave way too much to the suggestions of personal resentment, and represented characters as they appeared to him at that time, through the exaggerating medium of" prejudice : but he has in this impression endeavoured to make atonement for these extra- vagancies. Howsoever he may have erred in point of judgment or discretion, he defies the whole world to prove that he was ever guilty of one act of malice, ingratitude, or dishonour. This de- claration he may be permitted to make, without incun-ing the imputation of vanity or presumption, considering the numerous shafts of envy, rancour, and revenge, that have lately, both in private and in public, been levelled at his reputation. THE ADVENTURES OP PEREGRINE PICKLE. CHAPTER I. Jlti account of Mr Gamaliel PicMe .... The disposition of his sister described .... He yields to her solicitations, and retires to the country. In a certain county of England, bounded on one side by the sea, and at the distance of one hundred miles from the metropolis, lived Gamaliel Pickle, esquire, the father of that hero whose adventures we purpose to record. He was the son of a merchant in London, who (like Rome) from small beginnings had raised himself to the highest honours of the city, and acquired a plentiful fortune, though, to his infinite regret, he died before it amounted to a plum, conjuring his son, as he respected the last injunction of a parent, to imi- tate his industry, and adhere to his maxims, until he should have made up the deficiency, which was a sum considerably less than fifteen thousand pounds. This pathetic remonstrance had the desired effect upon his representative, who spared no pains to fulfil the request of the deceased, but exerted all the capacity with which na- ture had endowed him in a serious of efforts, which, however, did not succeed ; for, by the time he had been fifteen years in trade, he found himself fiive thousand pounds worse than he was when he first took possession of his father's effects ; a cir- cumstance that affected him so nearly, as to detach his in- clinations from business, and induce him to retire from the Vol 11, A » THE ADVENTURES OF world, to some place where he might at leisure deplore his misfortunes, and by frugality secure himself from want and the apprehensions of a jail, with which his imagination was incessantly haunted. He was often heard to expre^^s his fears of coming upon the parish, and to bless God, that, on ac- count of his having been so long a house-keeper, he was entit- led to that provision. In short, his talents were not naturally active, and there was a sort of inconsistency in his charac- ter; for, with all the desire of amassing which any citizen could possibly entertain, he was encumbered by a certain indolence and sluggishness that prevailed over every inte- rested consideration, and even hindered him from profiting by the singleness of apprehension and moderation of appe- tites, which have so frequently conduced to the acquisition of immense fortunes — qualities which he possessed in a very remarkable degree. Nature, in all probability, had mixed little or nothing inflammable in his composition ; or, what- ever seeds of excess she might have sown within him, were effectually stifled and destroyed by the austerity of his edu- cation. The sallies of his youth, far from being inordinate or cri- minal, never exceeded the bounds of that decent joUity, which an extraordinary pot, on extraordinary occasions, may be supposed to have produced in a club of sedate book- keepers, whose imaginations were neither very warm nor luxuriant. Little subject to refined sensations, he was scarce ever disturbed with violent emotions of any kind. The pas- sion of love never interrupted his tranquillity ; and if, as Mr Creech says after Horace, Not to admire is all the art I know, To make men happy, and to keep them so, Mr Pickle was undoubtedly possessed of that invaluable se- cret ; at least he was never known to betray the fiaintest symptom of transport, except one evening at the club, where he observed, with some demonstrations of vivacity, that he had dined upon a delicate loin of veal. Notwithstanding this appearance of phlegm, he could not help feeling his disappointments in trade; and, upon the failure of a certain underwriter, by which he lost five hundred PEREGRINE PICKLE. pounds, declared his design of relinquishing business, and retiring to the country. In this resolution he was comforted and encouraged by his only sister Mrs Grizzle, who had managed his family since the death of his father, and was now in the thirtieth year of her maidenhood, with a fortune of five thousand pounds, and a large stock of economy and devotion. These qualifications, one would think, might have been the means of abridging the term of her celibacy, as she never expressed any aversion to wedlock; but it seems she was too delicate in her choice to find a mate to her inclination in the city ; for I cannot suppose that she remained so long un» solicited, though the charms of her person were not alto- gether enchanting, nor her manner over and above agree- able. Exclusive of a very wan (not to call it sallow) com- plexion, which perhaps was the effects of her virginity and mortification, she had a cast in her eyes that was not at all engaging, and such an extent of mouth, as no art or affec- tation could contract into any proportionable dimension: then her piety was rather peevish than resigned, and did not in the least diminish a certain stateliness in her demeanour and conversation, that delighted in communicating the im- portance and honour of her family, which, by-the-bye, was not to be traced two generations back, by all the power of heraldry or tradition. She seemed to have renounced all the ideas she had ac- quired before her father served the office of sheriff; and the era which regulated the dates of all her observations was the mayoralty of her papa. Nay, so solicitous was this good lady for the support and propagation of the family name, that, suppressing every selfish motive, she actually prevailed upon her brother to combat with his own disposition and even surmount it so far as to declare a passion for the person whom he afterwards wedded, as we shall see in the sequel. Indeed, she was the spur that instigated him in all his extra- ordinary undertakings ; and I question whether or not he would have been able to disengage himself from that course of life in which he had so long mechanically moved, un. * THE ADVENIUEKS OF less he had been roused and actuated by her incessant ex- hortations. London, she observed, was a receptaclq of ini- quity, where an honest unsuspecting man was every day in danger of falHng a sacrifice to craft ; where innocence was exposed to continual temptations, and virtue eternally per- secuted by malice and slander; where every thing was ruled by caprice and corruption, and merit utterly discou- raged and despised. This last imputation she pronounced with such emphasis and chagrin, as plainly denoted how far she considered herself as an example of what she advan- ced; and really the charge was justified by the constructions that were put upon her retreat by her female friends, who, far from imputing it to the laudable motives that induced her, insinuated, in sarcastic commendations, that she had good reason to be dissatisfied with a place where she had been so long overlooked: and that it was certainly her wisest course to make her last effort in the country, where, in all probability, her talents would be less eclipsed, and her fortune more attractive. Be this as it will, her admonitions, though they were powerful enough to convince, would have been insufficient to overcome the langour and vis inertice of her brother, had she not reinforced her arguments, by calling in question the credit of two or three merchants, with whom he was em- barked in trade. Alarmed at these hints of intelligence, he exerted himself effectually ; he withdrew his money from trade, and laying it out in bank-stock and India bonds, removed to a house in the country, which his father had built near the sea- side, for the convenience of carrying on a certain branch of traffic in which he had been deeply concerned. Here then Mr Pickle fixed his habitation for life, in the six-and-thirtieth year of his age ; and though the pangs he felt at parting with his intimate companions, and quit- ting all his former connections, were not quite so keen as to produce any dangerous disorder in his constitution, he did not fail to be extremely disconcerted at his first entrance into a scene of life to which he was totally a stranger. Not PEREGRINE PICKLE. O but that he met with abundance of people in the country, who, in consideration of his fortune, courted his acquaint- ance, and breathed nothing but friendship and hospital- ity : yet even the trouble of receiving and returning these civilities was an intolerable fatigue to a man of his habits and disposition. He therefore left the care of the ceremonial to his sister, who indulged herself in all the pride of formal- ity, while he himself, having made a discovery of a public house in the neighbourhood, went thither every evening, and enjoyed his pipe and cann, being very well satisfied with the behaviour of the landlord, whose communicative temper was a great comfort to his own taciturnity ; for he shunned all superfluity of speech as much as he avoided any other unnecessary expense. CHAPTER II. He is made acquainted with the characters of Commodore Trunnion and his adherents. . . . Meets with them by ac- cident, and contracts an intimacy with that commander. J. HIS loquacious publican soon gave him sketches of all the characters in the county, and, among others, described that of his next neighbour. Commodore Trunnion, which was altogether singular and odd. ' The commodore and your worship,' said he, ' will in a short time be hand and glove: he has a power of money, and spends it like a prince, that is, in his own way ; for, to be sure, he is a little humoursome, as the saying is, and swears woundily, though I'll be sworn he means no more harm than a sucking babe. Lord helps us! it will do your honour's heart good to hear him tell a story, as how he lay alongside of the French, yard- arm and yard-arm, board and board, and of heaving grap- plings, and stink-pots, and grapes, and round and double- headed partridges, crows and carters — Laud have mercy upon us ! he has been a great warrior in his time, and lost an eye and a heel in the service. Then he does not live like any other chrietian-landman, but keeps garrison in his house, 6 THE ADVENTURES OF as if he were in the midst of his enpmics, and makes his ser- vants turn out in the night, watch and watch (as he calls it, all the year round.) His habitation is defended by a ditch, over which he has laid a draw-bridge, and planted his court-yard with patereroes continually loaded with shot, under the direction of one Mr Hatchway, who had one of his legs shot away, while he acted as lieutenant on board the commodore's ship ; and now being on half-pay, lives with him as his companion. The lieutenant is a very brave man, a great joker, and, as the saying is, hath got the length of his commander's foot ; though he has another favourite in the house, called Tom Pipes, that was his boatswain's mate, and now keeps the servants in order. Tom is a man of few words, but an excellent hand at a song, hussle-cap, and chuck-farthing. Concerning the boatswain's whistle, there is not such another pipe in the county. So that the com- modore lives very happy in his own manner ; thof he be sometimes thrown into perilous passions and quandaries, by the application of his poor kinsmen, whom he can't abide, because as how some of them were the first occasion of his going to sea. Then he sweats with agony at the sight of an attorney ; just for all the world, as some people have an an- tipathy to a cat ; for it seems he was once at law for striking one of his officers, and cast in a swinging sum. He is more- over exceedingly afflicted with goblins that disturb his rest, and keep such a racket in his house, that you would think (God bless us !) all the devils in hell had broke loose upon him. It was no longer ago than last year about this time, that he was tormented the livelong night by two mis- chievous spirits that got into his chamber, and played a thousand pranks about his hammock (for there is not one bed within his walls.) Well, Sir, he rung his bell, culled up all his servants, got lights, and made a thorough search ; but the devil a goblin was to be found. He had no sooner turned in again, and the rest of the family gone to sleep, ^han the foul fiends began their game anew. The commo- dore got up in the dark, drew his cutlass, and attacked them both so manfully, that, at five minutes, every thing in the PEREGRINE PICKLE. 7 apartment went to pieces. The lieutenant, hearing the noise, came to his assistance. Tom Pipes, being told what was the matter, lighted his match, and, going down to the yard, fired all the patereroes as signals of distress. Well, to be sure, the whole parish was in a pucker : some thought the French had landed ; others imagined the com- moclore"'s house was beset by thieves ; for my own part, I called up two dragoons that are quartered upon me ; and they swore, with deadly oaths, it was a gang of smugglers engaged with a party of their regiment that lies in the next village ; and mounting their horses, like lusty fellows, rode up into the country as fast as their beasts could carry them. Ah, master, these are hard times, when an industrious body cannot earn his bread without fear of the gallows. Your worship's father (God rest his soul !) was a good gentleman, and as well respected in this parish as e''er a he that walks upon neat's leather. And if your honour should want a small parcel of fine tea, or a few ankers of right Nants, I'll be bound you shall be furnished to your heart's content. But, as I was saying, the hubbub continued till morning, when the parson being sent for, conjured the spirits into the Red sea ; and the house has been pretty quiet ever since. True it is, Mr Hatchway makes a mock of the whole affair; and told his commander in this very blessed spot, that the two goblins were no other than a couple of jackdaws which had fallen down the chimney, and made a flapping with their wings up and down the apartment. But the commodore, who is very choleric, and does not like to be jeered, fell into a main high passion, and stormed like a perfect hur- ricane, swearing that he knew a devil from a jackdaw, as well as e'er a man in the three kingdoms. He owned, in- deed, that the birds were found, but denied that they were the occasion of the uproar. For my own part, master, I believe much may be said on both sides of the question, thof, to be sure, the devil is always going about, as the saying is. This circumstantial account, extraordinary as it was, never altered one feature in the countenance of Mr Pickle, who having heard it to an end, took the pipe from his mouth. THE ADVENTURES OF saying, with alook of infinite sagacity and deliberation,—- ' 1 do suppose he is of the Cornish Trunnions. What sort of a woman is his spouse ?' ' Spouse !' cried the otlier, ' odds heart ! I don't think he would marry the queen of Sheba. Lack-a-day ! Sir, he won't suifer his own maids to lie in the garrison, but turns them into an out-house every night before the watch is bet. Bless your honour's soul, he is, as it were, a very oddish kind of a gentleman. Your worship would have seen him before now ; for when he is well, he and my good Master Hatchway come hither every even- ing, and drink a couple of canns of rumbo apiece ; but he has been confined to his house this fortnight by a plaguy fit of the gout, which Fll assure your worship, is a good penny out of my pocket."' At that instant, Mr Pickle's ears were saluted with such a strange noise, as even discomposed the muscles of his face, which gave evident indications of alarm. This com- position of notes, at first, resembled the crying of quails, and proaking of bull-frogs ; but, as it approached nearer, he could distinguish articulate sounds pronounced with great violence, in such a cadence as one would expect to hear from a human creature scolding through the organs of an ass. It was neither speaking nor braying, but a surprising mixture of both, employed in the utterance of terms abso- lutely unintelligible to our wondering merchant, who had just opened his mouth to express his curiosity, when the land- lord, starting up at the well-known sound, cried, ' Odds nigers ! there is the commodore with iiis company, as sure as I live ;' and with his apron began to wipe the dust off an elbow-chair placed at one side of the fire, and kept sacred for the ease and convenience of this infirm commander. While he was thus occupied, a voice still more uncouth than the former, bauled aloud, ' Ho ! the house, a hoy !' Upon which the publican, clapping a hand to each side of his head,with his thumbs fixed to his ears, rebellowed in the same tone, which he had learned to imitate, ' hilloah.* The voice again exclaimed, ' have you got any attorneys Aboard ?' and when the landlord replied, ' no, no,' this PEREGRINE PICKLE, 9 Bian of Strange expectation came in, supported by his two dependents, and displayed a figure every way answerable to the oddity of his character. He was in stature at least six feet high, though he had contracted a habit of stooping, by living so long on board ; his complexion was tawny, and his aspect rendered hideous by a large scar across his nose, and a patch that covered the place of one eye. Be- ing seated in his chair with great formality, the landlord com- plimented him upon his being able to come abroad again ; and having, in a whisper, communicated the name of his fellow guest, whom the commodore already knew by report, went to prepare, with all imaginable dispatch, the first allowance of his favourite liquor, in three separate canns (for each was accommodated with his own portion apart), ■while the lieutenant sat down on the blind side of his com- mander : and Tom Pipes, knowing his distance, with great modesty, took his station in the rear. After a pause of some minutes, the conversation was begun by this ferocious chief, who, fixing his eye upon the lieutenant with a sternness of countenance not to be described, addressed him in these words: * damn my eyes ! Hatchway, I always took you to be a bet- ter seaman than to overset our chaise in such fair weather. Blood ! did'nt I tell you we were running bump ashore, and bid you set in the lee-brace, and haul upon a wind ?' ' Yes,' (replied the other, with an arch sneer) ' I do confess as how you did give such orders, after you had run us foul of a post, so as that the carriage lay along, and could not right herself."' ' I run you foul of a post !" cried the commander ; ' damn my heart ! youVe a pretty dog, an't you, to tell me so above board to my face ? Did I take charge of the chaise ? Did I stand at the helm?"' 'No,' answered Hatchway, ' I must confess you did not steer ; but howsomever, you cun- ned all the way, and so, as you could not see how the land lay, being blind of your larboard eye, we were fast ashore before you knew any thing of the matter. Pipes, who stood abaft, can testify the truth of what I say.' ' Damn my limbs !' resumed the commodore, ' I don't value what you pr Pipes say a rope yarn. You're a couple of mutinous 10 THE ADVENTURES OF — I'll say no more ; but you shan't run your rig upon me, damn ye. I am the man that learnt you, Jack Hatchway, to spHce a rope, and raise a perpendicular ' The lieutenant, who was perfectly well acquainted with the trim of his captain, did not choose to carry on the alterca- tion any farther ; but takuig up his cann, drank to the health of the stranger, who very courteously returned the com- pliment, without, however, presuming to join in the con- versation, which suffered a considerable pause. During this interruption, Mr Hatchway's wit displayed itself in several J)ractical jokes upon the commodore, with whom he knew it was dangerous to tamper in any other way. Being with- out the sphere of his vision, he securely pilfered his tobacco, drank his rumbo, made wry fates, and (to use the vulgar phrase) cocked his eye at him, to the no small entertain- ment of the spectators, Mr Piikle himself not excepted, who gave evident tokens of uncommon satisfaction at the dexterity of this marine pantomime. Meanwhile, the captain's choler gradually subsided, and he was pleased to desire Hatchway, by the familiar and friendly diminutive of Jack, to read a newspaper that lay on the table before him. This task was accordingly undertaken by the lame lieutenant, who, among other paragraphs, read that which follows, with an elevation of voice that seemed to prognosticate something extraordinary : * We are informed, that Admiral Bower will very soon be created a British peer, for his eminent service during the war, particularly in his late engagement with the French fleet.' Trunnion was thun- derstruck at this piece of intelligence. The mug dropped from his hand, and shivered into a thousand pieces ; his eye glistened like that of a rattlesnake, and some minutes elapsed before he could pronounce, * avast ! overhaul that article again.' It was no sooner read the second time, than smit- ing the table with his fist, he started up, and with the most violent emphasis of rage and indignation, exclaimed, ' damn my heart and liver ! 'tis a land lie, d'ye see ; and I will maintain it to be a lie, from the sprit-sail yard to the mizen- top-sail haulyards ! Blood and thunder ! Will Bower a peer PEREGRINE PICKLE. 11 of this realm ! a fellow of yesterday, that scarce knows a mast from a manger ; a snotty-nose boy, whom I myself have ordered to the gun, for stealing eggs out of the hen-coops ! and I, Hauser Trunnion, who commanded a ship before he could keep a reckoning, am laid aside, d'ye see, and for- gotten ! If so be as this be the case, there is a rotten plank in our constitution, which ought to be hove down and re- paired, damn my eyes ! For my own part, d'ye see, I was none of your Guinea pigs ; I did not rise in the service by parliamenteering interest, or a handsome b of a wife. I was not hoisted over the bellies of better men nor strutted athwart the quarter-deck in a laced doublet, and thingumbobs at the wrists. Damn my limbs ! I have been a hard-working man, and served all offices on-board from cook's shifter to the command of a vessel. Here, you Tunley, there's the hand of a seaman, you dog.' So saying, he laid hold on the land- lord's fist, and honoured him with such a squeeze, as com- pelled him to roar with great vociferation, to the infinite satisfaction of the commodore, whose features were a little unbended, by this acknowledgment of his vigour; and he thus proceeded in a less outrageous strain, — ' They make a damned noise about this engagement with the French ; but, egad ! it was no more than a bumboat battle, in comparison with some that I have seen. There was old Rook and Jen- nings, and another whom I'll be damned before I name, that knew what fighting was. As for my own share, d'ye see, I am none of those that hoUoAv in their own commen- dation ; but if so be that I were minded to stand my own trumpeter, some of those little fellows that hold their heads so high, would be taken all aback, as the saying is ; they would be ashamed to shew their colours, damn my eyes? 1 once lay eight glasses along-side of the Flour de Louse, a French man of war, though her metal was heavier, and her complement larger by an hundred hands than mine. You, J.ick Hatchway, damn ye, what d'ye grin at? d'ye think I tell a story, because you never heard it before ?"" ' Why, look ye, Sir,' answered the lieutenant, ' I am glad to find you can stand your own trumpeter on occasion ; 12 THE ADVJiMUIlLS OF tliof I wish you would change the tune ; for that is the same you have been piping every watch for these ten months past. Tunlcy himself will tell you, he has heard it live hundred times.' ' God forgive you, Mr Hatchway," said the land- lord, interrupting him ; ' as Fm an honest man and a house- keeper, I never heard a syllab of the matter.' This declaration, though not sirictly true, was extremely agreeable to Mr Trunnion, who, with an air of triumph, observed ; * aha ! Jack, I thought I should bring you up, with your jibes and your jokes; but suppose you had heard it before, is that any reason why it should'nt be told to ano- ther person ? There's the stranger, belike he has heard it five hundred times too ; han"t you, brother.''' addressing himself to Mr Pickle ; who replied, with a look expressing curio- sity, ' no, never,' he thus went on :- — ' Well, you seem to be an honest quiet sort of a man ; and tlierefore you must know, as 1 said before, I fell in with a French man of war. Cape Finisterre bearing about six leagues on the weather bow, and the chase three leagues to leeward, going before the wind ; whereupon I set my studding sails, and, coming up with her, hoisted my jack and ensign, and poured in a whole broadside, before you could count three rattlins, in the mizcn shrouds ; for I always keep a good look-out, and love to have the first-fire.' ' That I'll be sworn,' said Hatch- way ; ' for the day we made the Triumph, you ordered the men to fire when she was hull-to, by the same token we below pointed the guns at a flight of gulls; and 1 won a cann of punch from the gunner, by killing the first bird.' Exas- perated at this sarcasm, he replied with great vehemence, — * you lie, lubber ! damn your bones ! what business have you to come always athwart my hause in this manner? You, Pipes, was upon deck, and can bear witness, whether or not I fired too soon. Speak, you blood of a — , and that upon the word of a seaman ; how did the chase bear of us, when I gave orders to fire .?' Pipes, who had hitherto sat silent, being thus called upon to give his evidence, after divers strange gesticulations, opened his mouth like a gasping cod, and with a cadenctt PERF.GRIME PICKLE. 13 like that of the east wind singing through a cranny, pro- nounced, ' half a quarter of a league right upon your lee- beam.'' ' Nearer, you porpuss fac'd swab ! (cried the com- modore), ' nearer by twelve fathom ; but howsomever, that's enough to prove the falsehood of Hatchway's jaw — and so, brother, d ye see, (turning to Mr Pickle), ' I lay alongside of the Flour de Louse, yard-arm and yard arm, plying out great guns and small arms, and heaving in stink-pots, pow- der-bottle, and hand-grenades, till our shot was all ex- pended, double-headed, partridge, and grape ; then we loaded with iron crows, marlin-spikes, and old nails; but finding the Frenchman took a great deal of drubbing, and that he had shot away all our rigging, and killed and •wounded a great number of our men, d'ye see, I resolved to run him on board upon his quarter, and so ordered our grapplings to be got ready ; but Monsieur, perceiving what ■we were about, filled his topsails and sheered off, leaving us like a log upon the water, and our scuppers running with blood; Mr Pickle and the landlord paid such extraordinary at- tention to the rehearsal of this exploit, that Trunnion was encouraged to entertain them with more stories of the same nature; after which he observed, by way of encomium on the government, that all he had gained in the service was a lame foot and the loss of an eye. The lieutenant, who could not find in his heart to lose any opportunity of being witty at the expense of his commander, gave a loose to his sa- tirical talent once more, saying, — ' I have heard as how you came by your lame foot, by having your upper decks over- stowed with liquor, whereby you became crank, and roll'd d'ye see, in such a manner, that, by a pitch of the ship, your starboard heel was jammed in one of the scuppers ; and as for the matter of your eye, that was knocked out by your own crew, when the I^ightning was paid off: there's poor Pipes, who was beaten into all the colours of the rainbow for taking your part, and giving you time to sheer off! and I don't find as how you have rewarded him according as he deserves.' A« the commodore could not denv the truth 14 THE ABVKXTUllES OF of these anecdotes, however unseasonably they were intro- duced, he affected to receive them with good humour, as jokes of the lieutenant's own inventing ; and replied, — ' Ay, ay, Jack, every body knows your tongue is no slander ; but, howsomever, I'll work you to an oil for this, you dog.' So saying, he lifted up one of his crutches, intending to lay it gently across Mr Hatchway's pate ; but Jack, with great agihty, tilted up his wooden leg, with which he warded off the blow, to the no small admiration of Mr Pickle, and utter astonishment of the landlord, who, by-the-bye, had ex- pressed the same amazement, at the same feat, at the same hour, every night for three months before. Trunnion then directing his eye to the boatswain's mate, ' You Pipes,' said he, ' do you go about, and tell people that I did not reward you for standing by mc, when I was hussled by these rebel- lious rapscallions ; damn you, han't you been rated on the books ever since?' Tom, who indeed had no words to spare, sat smoking his pipe with great indifference ; and never dreamed of paying any regard to these interroga- tions ; which being repeated and reinforced with many oaths, that (however) produced no effect, the commodore pulled out his purse, saying, — ' Here, you bitch's baby, here's some- thing better than a smart ticket ;' and threw it at his silent deliverer, who received and pocketed his bounty, without the least demonstration of surprise or satisfaction ; while the donor, turning to Mr Pickle, — ' You see, brother,' said he, ' I make good the old saying, we sailors get money like horses, and spend it like asses ; come, -Pipes, let's have the boatswain's whistle, and be jovial.' This musician accord- ingly applied to his mouth the silver instrument that hung at a button-hole of his jacket, by a chain of the same metal, and, though not quite so ravishing as the pipe of Hermes, produced a sound so loud and shrill, that the stranger (as it were instinctively) stopped his ears, to preserve his organs of hearing from such a dangerous invasion. The prelude being thus executed, Pipes fixed his eyes upon the egg of an ostrich that depended from the ceiling and without once moving them from that object, performed the whole cantata PEREGRINE PICKLE. 15 in a tone of voice that seemed to be the joint issue of an Irish bag-pipe and a sow-gelder"s horn ; the commodore, the lieutenant, and landlord, joined in the chorus, repeating this elegant stanza, Bus*le, bustle, brave boys I Let us sing, let us toil. And drink all the while. Since labour's the price of our joys. The third line was no sooner pronounced, than the cann was lifted to every man*'s mouth with admirable uniformity ; and the next word taken up at the end of their draught, with a twang equally expressive and harmonious. In short, the company began to understand one another ; Mr Pickle seem- ed to relish the entertainment, and a correspondence imme- diately commenced between him and Trunnion, who shook him by the hand, drank to further acquaintance, and even invited him to a mess of pork and peas in the garrison. The compliment was returned, good fellowship prevailed, and the night was pretty far advanced, when the merchant's man arrived with a lanthorn to light his master home; upon which the new friends parted, after a mutual promise of meeting next evening in the same place. CHAPTER III. Mrs Grizzle exerts herself in finding a pioper match for her brother ; who is accordingly introduced to the young lady, whom he mai'ries in due season. 1 HAVE been the more circumstantial in opening the chairac- ter of Trunnion, because he bears a considerable share in the course of these memoirs ; but now it is high time to resume the consideration of Mrs Grizzle, who, since her arrival in the country, had been engrossed by a double care, namely, that of finding a suitable match for her brother, and a com- fortable yoke-fellow for herself. Neither was this aim the result of any sinister or frail sug- gestion, but the pure dictates of that laudable ambition, which prompted her to the preservation of the family-name. Nay^ 16 THE x\DVENTURES OF SO disinterested was she in this pursuit, that, postponing her nearest concern, or at least leaving lier own fate to the silent operation of her charms, she laboured with such indefati- gable zeal in behalf of her brother, that, before they had been three months settled in the country, the general topic of con- versation in the neighbourhood, was an intended match be- tween the rich IMr Pickle and the fair Miss Appleby, daughter of a gentleman who lived in the next parish, and who, though he had but little fortune to bestow upon his children, had (to use his own phrase) replenished their veins with some of the best blood in the counti-y. This young lady, whose character and disposition Mrs Grizzle had investigated to her own satisfaction, was destin- ed for the spouse of Mr Pickle, and an overture accordingly made to her father, who, being overjoyed at the proposal, gave his consent without hesitation, and even recommended the immediate execution of the project with such eager- ness, as seemed to indicate either a suspicion of Mr Pickle's constancy, or a diffidence of his own daughter's complexion, which perhaps he thought too sanguine to keep much longer cool. The previous point being thus settled, our merchant, at the instigation of Mrs Grizzle, went to visit his future father-in-law, and was introduced to the daughter, with whom he had, that same afternoon, an opportunity of being alone. What passed in that interview, I never could learn, though, from the character of the sutor, the reader may justly conclude, that she was not much teased with the im- pertinence of his addresses. He was not, I believe, the less welcome for that reason ; certain it is, she made no objection to his taciturnity, and, when her father communicated his resolution, acquiesced with the most pious resignation. But Mrs Grizzle, in order to give the lady a more favourable idea of his intellects than what his conversation could pos- sibly inspire, was resolved to dictate a letter, which her bro- ther should transcribe and transmit to his mistress, as the produce of his own understanding, and had actually com- posed a very tender billet for this purpose ; yet her inten- tion was entirely frustrated by the misapprehension of the PEREGRINE PICKLE. 17 lover himself, who, in consequence of his sister's repeated admonitions, anticipated her scheme, by writing for him- self, and dispatching the letter one afternoon, while Mrs Grizzle was visiting at the parson''s. Neither was this step the effect of his vanity or precipita- tion ; but having often been assured by his sister, that it was absolutely necessary for him to make a declaration of his love in writing, he took this opportunity of acting in con- formity with her advice, when his imagination was unen- gaged or undisturbed by any other suggestion, without sus- pecting the least that she intended to save him the trouble of exercising his own genius. Left, therefore, as he imagined, to his own inventions, he sat down, and produced the follow- ing morceau, which was transmitted to Miss Appleby, be- fore his sister and counsellor had the least intimation of the affair. * Miss Sally Appleby, 'Madam, understanding you have. a parcel of heart, war- ranted sound, to be disposed of, shall be willing to treat for said commodity, on reasonable terms. Doubt not shall agree for same. Shall wait of you for further information, when and where you shall appoint. This the needful from yours, &c. * Gam. Pickle.* This laconic epistle, simple and unadorned as it was, met with as cordial a reception from the person to whom it was addressed, as if it had been couched in the most elegant terms that delicacy of passion and cultivated genius could supply ; nay, I believe, was the more welcome, on account of its mercantile plainness : because, when an advantageous match is in view, a sensible woman often considers the flowery professions and rapturous exclamations of love as ensnaring ambiguities, or at best impertinent preliminaries, that retard the treaty they are designed to promote ; where- as Mr Pickle removed all disagreeable uncertainty, by de- scending at once to the most interesting particulars. She had no sooner, as a dutiful child, communicated this billet-doux to her father, than he, as a careful parent, visit- ed Mr Pickle, and, in presence of Mrs Grizzle, demanded a formal explanation of his sentiments with regard to his Vol IT. • B IS ■lllh. ADVENTURES OF tlaughter Sally. IMr Gamaliel, without any ceremony, as- sured him he had a respect for the young woman, and with his good leave, would take her for better for worse Mr Appleby, after having expressed his satisfaction that he had fixed his affections in his family, comforted the lover with the a!3surance of his being agreeable to the young lady, and they forthwith proceeded to the articles of the marriage-set- tlement ; which being discussed and determined, a lawyer was ordered to engross them ; the wedding-clothes were bought, and, in short, a day was appointed for the celebra- tion of their nuptials, to which every body of any fashion in the neighbourhood was invited. Among these. Commo- dore Trunnion and Mr Hatchway were not forgotten, being the sole companions of the bridegroom, with whom, by this time, they had contracted a sort of intimacy at their noc- turnal rendezvous. They had received a previous intimation of what was on the anvil from the landlord, before Mr Pickle thought pro- per to declare himself; in consequence of which, the topic of the one-eyed commander's discourse at their meeting, for several evenings before, had been the folly and plagUe of matrimony, on which he held forth with great vehemence of abuse, levelled at the fair sex, whom he represented as devils incarnate, sent from hell to torment mankind ; and, in par- ticular, inveighed against old maids, for whom he seemed to entertain a singular aversion ; while his friend Jack con- firmed the truth of all his allegations, and gi*atified his own malignant vein, at the same time, by clenching every sentence with a sly joke upon the married state, built upon some al- lusion to a ship or sea-faring life. He compared a woman to a great gun, loaded with fire, brimstone, and noise, which being violently heated, will bounce and fly, and play the devil, if you don't take special care of her breechings. He said she was like a hurricane, that never blows from one quarter, but veers about to all points of the compass : he lik- ened her to a painted galley, curiously rigged, with a leak in her hold, which her husband would never be able to stop. He observed that her inclinations were like the bay of Biscay ; PEREGRINE PICKLE. 19 for why ? because you may heave your deep sea lead long enough without ever reaching the bottom. That he who comes to anchor on a wife, may find himself moored in damned foul ground, and, after all, can't for his blood slip his cable ; and that, for his own part, thof he might make short trips for pastime, he would never embark in woman on the voyage of life, because he was afraid of foundering in the first foul weather. In all probability, these insinuations made softie impres- sion on the mind of Mr Pickle, who was not very much in- clined to run great risks of any kind ; but the injunctions and importunities of his sister, who was bent upon the match, overbalanced the opinion of his sea friends, who, finding him determined to marry, notwithstanding all the hints of caution they had thrown out, resolved to accept his invitation, and honoured the nuptials with their presence accordingly. CHAPTER IV. The heliaviour of Mrs Grizxle at the weddings "with an account of the guests, 1 HOPE it will not be thought uncharitable, if I advance, by way of conjecture, that Mrs Grizzle, on this grand oc- casion, summoned her whole exertion, to play off the artil- lery of her charms upon the single gentlemen who were in- vited to the entertainment : sure I am, she displayed to the best advantage all the engaging qualities she possessed : her affiibility at dinner was altogether uncommon ; her attention to the guests was superfluously hospitable ; her tongue was sheathed with a most agreeable and infantine lisp ; her ad- dress was perfectly obliging; and though, conscious of the extraordinary capacity of her mouth, she would not venture to hazard a laugh, she modelled her lips into an enchanting simper, which played upon her countenance all day long; nay, she even profited by that defect in her vision we have already observed, and securely contemplated those features which were most to her liking, while the rest of the com- 20 THE ADVEKTURES OF pany l)elieved her regards were disposed in a quite contrary direction. With what humility of complaisance did she receive the compliments of those who could not help prais- ing the elegance of the banquet ! and how piously did she seize that opportunity of commemorating the honours of her sire, by observing that it was no merit in her to understand something of entertainments, as she had occasion to preside at so many during the mayoralty of her papa ! Far from discovering the least symptom of pride and exultation, when the opulence of her family became the subject of conversa- tion, she assumed a severity of countenance ; and, after hav- ing moralized on the vanity of riches, declared, that those who looked upon her as a fortune were very much mistaken ; for her father had left her no more than poor five thousand pounds, which, with what little she had saved of the interest since his death, was all she had to depend upon ; indeed, if she had placed her chief felicity in wealth, she would not have been so forward in destroying her own expectations, by advising and promoting the event at which they were now so happily assembled ; but she hoped she should always have virtue enough to postpone any interested consideration, when it should happen to clash with the happiness of her friends. Finally, such was her modesty and self-denial, that she in- dustriously informed those whom it might concern, that she was no less than three years older than the bride ; though, had she added ten to the reckoning, she would have com- mitted no mistake in point of computation. To contribute as much as lay in her power to the satisfac- tion of all present, she, in the afternoon, regaled them with a tune on the harpsichord, accompanied with her voice, which, though not the most melodious in the world, I dare say, would liave been equally at their service, could she have vied with Philomel in song ; and, as the last effort of her complaisance, when dancing was proposed, she was pre- vailed upon, at the request of her new sister, to open the ball in person. In a word, Mrs Grizzle was the principal figure in this fes- tival, and almost eclipsed the bride, who, far from seeming to PEREGRINE PICKLE. 21 dispute the pre-eminence, very wisely allowed her to make the best of her talents ; contenting herself with the lot to which fortune had already called her, and which she ima- gined would not be the less desirable, if her sister-in-law were detached from the family. I believe I need scarce advertise the reader, that, during this whole entertainment, the commodore and his lieutenant were quite out of their element ; and this, indeed, was the case with the bridegroom himself, who, being utterly unac- quainted with any sort of polite commerce, found himself under a very disagreeable restraint during the whole scene. Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on shore till he was paid off, and never once in his whole life in the company of any females above the rank of those who herd upon the Point at Portsmouth, was more embarrassed about his beha- viour than if he had been surrounded at sea by the whole French navy. He had never pronounced the word madam since he was born ; so that, far from entering into any con- versation with the ladies, he would not even return the com- pliment, or give the least nod of civility, when they drank to his health ; and, I verily believe, would rather have suf- fered suffocation than allowed the simple phrase your ser- vant to proceed from his mouth. He was altogether as inflexible with respect to the attitudes of his body ; for, either through obstinacy or bashfulness, he sat upright with- out motion, insomuch that he provoked the mirth of a cer- tain wag, who, addressing himself to the lieutenant, asked whether that was the commodore himself, or the wooden lion that used to stand at his gate ? An image to which, it must be owned, Mr Trunnion's person bore no faint resemblance. Mr Hatchway, who was not quite so unpolished as the commodore, and had certain notions that seemed to approacli the ideas of common life, made a less uncouth appearance ; but then he was a wit, and though of a very peculiar genius, partook largely of that disposition which is common to all wits, who never enjoy themselves except when their talents meet with those marks of distinction and veneration, which, in their opinion, they deserve. THE ADVEKTURES OF These circumstances being premised, it is not to be won- dered at if this triumvirate made no objections to the pro- posal, when some of the grave personages of the company made a motion for adjourning into another apartment, where they might enjoy their pipes and bottles, while the young folks indulged themselves in the continuance of their own favourite diversion. Thus rescued, as it were, from a state of annihilation, the first use the two lads of the castle made of their existence was to ply the bridegroom so hard with bumpers, that, in less than an hour, he made divers efforts to sing, and soon after was carried to bed, deprived of all man- ner of sensation, to the utter disappointment of the bride men and maids, who, by this accident, were prevented from throwing the stocking, and performing certain other cere- monies practised on such occasions. As for the bride, she bore this misfortune with great good humoui' ; and, indeed, on all occasions, behaved like a discreet woman, perfectly well acquainted with the nature of her own situation. CHAPTER V. Mrs Pickle assumes the reins of government In her own family — Her sister-in-law undertakes an enterprise of great moment — hut is for some time diverted from her purpose by a very interesting consideration. W HATEVER deference, not to say submission, she had paid to Mrs Grizzle before she was so nearly allied to her family, she no sooner became Mrs Pickle than she thought it in- cumbent upon her to act up to the dignity of the character ; and the very day after the marriage ventured to dispute with her sister-in-law on the subject of her own pedigree, which she affirmed to be more honourable in all respects than that of her husband ; observing that several younger brothers of her house had arrived at the station of lord mayor of Lon- don, which was the highest pitch of greatness that any of Mr Pickle's predecessors had ever attained. This presumption was like a thunderbolt to Mrs Grizzle, who began to perceive that she had not succeeded quite sq PEREGRINE PICKLE. iZS ■vvell as she imagined, in selecting for her brother a gentle and obedient yoke-fellow, who would always treat her with that profound respect which she thought due to her superior ge- nius, and be entirely regulated by her advice and direction : however, she still continued to manage the reins of govern- ment in the house, reprehending the servants as usual ; an office she performed with great capacity, and in which she seemed to take singular delight, until Mrs Pickle, on pre- tence of consulting her ease, told her one day she would take that trouble upon herself, and for the future assume the management of her own family. Nothing could be move mortifying to Mrs Grizzle than such a declaration, to which, after a considerable pause, and strange distortion of look, she replied,-!— '1 shall never refuse or repine at any trouble that may conduce to my brother's advantage." ' Dear Madam,"* answered the sister, ' I am infinitely obliged to your kind concern for Mr Pickle's interest, which I consider as my own, but I cannot bear to see you a sufferer by your friendship ; and, therefore, insist upon exempting you from the fatigue you have borne so long.' In vain did the other protest that she took pleasure in the task ; Mrs Pickle ascribed the assurance to her excess of complaisance, and expressed such tenderness of zeal for her dear sister's health and tranquillity, that the reluctant maiden found herself obliged to resign her authority, without enjoy- ing the least pretext for complaining of her being deposed. This disgrace was attended by a fit of peevish devotion that lasted three or four weeks ; during which period she had the additional chagrin of seeing the young lady gain an ascendancy over the mind of her brother, who was per- suaded to set up a gay equipage, and improve his house- keeping, by an augmentation in his expense to the amount of a thousand a-year at least; though his alteration in the economy of his household effected no change in his own disposition, or manner of life ; for as soon as the painful ceremony of receiving and returning visits was performed, he had recourse again to the company of his sea friends, with whom he spent the best part of his time. But if he was 24 THE ADVENTUKES OI' satisfied with his condition, the case was otherwise with Mrs Grizzle, who, finding her importance in the family greatly diminished, her attractions neglected by all the male sex in the neighbourhood, and the withering hand of time hang threatening over her head, began to feel the horror of eternal virginity, and, in a sort of desperation, resolved at any rate to rescue herself from that uncomfortable situation. Thus de- termined, she formed a plan, the execution of which, to a spirit less enterprising and sufficient than hers, would have appeared altogether impracticable ; this was no other than to make a conquest of the commodore's heart, which the reader will easily believe was not very susceptible of tender impressions ; but, on the contrary, fortified with insensibility and prejudice against the charms of the whole sex, and par- ticularly prepossessed to the prejudice of that class distin- guished by the appellation of old maids, in which Mrs Grizzle was by this time unhappily ranked. She neverthe- less took the field, and, having invested this seemingly im- pregnable fortress, began to break ground one day, when Trunnion dined at her brother's, by springing certain en- snaring commendations on the honesty and sincerity of sea- faring people, paying a particular attention to his plate, and affecting a simper of approbation at every thing he said, which by any means she could construe into a joke, or with modesty be supposed to hear ; nay, even when he left decency on the left hand, which was often the case, she ventured to reprimand his freedom of speech with a gracious grin, saying, — ' sure you gentlemen belonging to the sea have such an odd way with you.' JBut all this complacency was so in- effectual, that, far from suspecting the true cause of it, the commodore, that very evening, at the club, in presence of her brother, with whom by this time he could take any man- ner of freedom, did not scruple to damn her for a squinting, block-faced, chattering piss-kitchen ; and immediately after drank despair to all old maids. The toast Mr Pickle pledged without the least hesitation, and next day intimated to his sister, who bore the indignity with surprising resigna- tion, and did not therefore desist from her scheme, unpro- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 25 mising as it seemed to be, until her attention was called off, and engaged in another care, which, for some time, inter- rupted the progress of this design. Her sister had not been married many months when she exhibited evident symptoms of pregnancy, to the general satisfaction of all concerned, and the inexpressible joy of Mrs Grizzle, who (as we have al- ready hinted) was more interested in the preservation of the family name than in any other consideration whatever. She therefore no sooner discovered appearances to justify and confirm her hopes, than postponing her own purpose, and laying aside that pique and resentment she had conceived from the behaviour of Mrs Pickle, when she superseded her authority, or perhaps considering her in no other light than that of the vehicle which contained and was destined to con- vey her brother's heir to light, she determined to exert her uttermost in nursing, tending, and cherishing her, during the term of her important charge. With this view she pur- chased Culpepper's Midwifery, which, with that sagacious performance dignified with Aristotle's name, she studied with indefatigable care, and diligently perused the Complete Housewife, together with Quincy's Dispensatory, culling every jelly, marmalade, and conserve, which these authors recommend as either salutary or toothsome, for the benefit and comfort of her sister-in-law, during her gestation. She restricted her from eating roots, pot-herbs, fruit, and all sorts of vegetables ; and one day, when Mrs Pickle had plucked a peach with her own hand, and was in the very act of putting it between her teeth, Mrs Grizzle perceived the rash attempt, and, running up to her, fell upon her knees in the garden, entreating her, with tears in her eyes, to resist such a pernicious appetite. Her request was no sooner complied with, than, recollecting that, if her sister's longing was baulked, the child might be affected with some disagreeable mark, or deplorable disease, she begged as ear- nestly that she would swallow the fruit, and, in the mean- time, ran for some cordial water of her own composing, which she forced upon her sister, as an antidote to the poison she had received. 26 IIIE ADVENTUKES OF This excessive zeal and tenderness did not fail to be very troublesome to Mrs Pickle, who, having resolved divers plans for the recovery of her own ease, at length determined to en- gage Mrs Grizzle in such employment as would interrupt that close attendance which she found so teasing and disagree- able. Neither did she wait long for an opportunity of put- ting her resolution in practice. The very next day, a gen- tleman happening to dine with Mr Pickle, unfortunately mentioned a pine-apple, part of which he had eaten a week before at the house of a nobleman, who lived in another part of the country, at the distance of a hundred miles at least. The name of this fatal fruit was no sooner pronounced than Mrs Grizzle, who incessantly watched her sister's looks, took the alarm, because she thought they gave certain in- dications of curiosity and desire ; and, after having observed that she herself could never eat pine-apples, which were al- together unnatural productions, extorted by the foi-ce of artificial fire out of filthy manure, asked, with a faultcring voice, if Mrs Pickle was not of her way of thinking ? This young lady, who wanted neither slyness nor penetration, at once divined her meaning, and replied, with seeming uncon- cern, that, for her own part, she should never repine if there was not a pinc-appJe in the universe, provided she could indulge herself with the fruits of her own country. This answer was calculated for the benefit of the stranger, who would certainly have suffered for his imprudence by the resentment of !Mrs Grizzle, had her sister expressed the least relish for the fruit in question. It had the desired effect, and re-established the peace of the compj^ny, which was not a little endangered by the gentleman's want of consideration. Next morning, however, after breakfast, the pregnant lady, in pursuance of her plan, yawned, as it were by accident, full in the face of her maiden sister, who being infinitely disturbed by this convulsion, affirmed it was a symptom of longing, and insisted upon knowing the object in desire, when Mrs Pickle, assuming an affected smile, told her she had eaten a most delicious pine-apple in her sleep. This de- claration was attended with an immediate scream, uttered by PEREGRTXE PICKLE. 27 IMrs Grizzle, who instantly perceiving her sister surprised at the exclamation, clasped her in her arms, and assured her, with a sort of hysterical laugh, that she could not help screaming with joy, because she had it in her power to gratify her dear sister's wish ; a lady in the neighbour- hood having promised to send her, in a present, a couple of delicate pine-apples, which she would that very day go in quest of. Mrs Pickle would by no means consent to this proposal, on pretence of sparing the other unnecessary fatigue ; and assured her, that if she had any desire to eat a pine-apple, it was so faint, that the disappointment could produce no bad consequence. But this assurance was conveyed in a manner (which she knew very well how to adopt) that, instead of dissuading, rather stimulated, Mrs Grizzle to set out im- mediately, not on a visit to that lady, whose promise she herself had feigned, with a view of consulting her sister's tranquilhty, but on a random search through the whole country, for this unlucky fruit, which was like to produce so much vexation and prejudice to her and her father's house. During three whole days and nights did she, attended by a valet, ride from place to place, without success, un- mindful of her health, and careless of her reputation, that began to suffer from the nature of her inquiry, which was pursued with such peculiar eagerness and distraction, that every body with whom she conversed looked upon her as an unhappy person, whose intellects were not a little dis- ordered. Baffled in all her researches within the coynty, she at length resolved to visit that very noblemsn, at whose house the officious stranger had been (for her) so unfortunately re- galed, and actually arrived in a post-chaise at the place of his habitation, where she introduced her business as an af- fair on which the happiness of a whole family depended. By virtue of a present to his lordship's gardener, she procured the Hesperian fruit, with which she returned in triumph. 28 THE ADVENTQUES OE CHAPTER VI. Mrs Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her sisters long- ings — Peregrine is born^ and managed contrary to the directions and remonstrances of his aunt, who is disgusted npon that account, and resumes the pla7i which she had be^ Jore rejected. J HE success of this device would Iiavc encouraged Mrs Pickle to practise more of the same sort upon her sister-in- law, had she not been deterred by a violent fever, which seized her zealous ally, in consequence of the fatigue and uneasiness she had undergone; which, while it lasted, as effectually conduced to her repose as any other stratagem she could invent. But Mrs Grizzle"'s health was no sooner restored, than the other being as much incommoded as ever, was obliged, in her own defence, to have recourse to some other contrivance ; and managed her artifices, in such a man- ner as leaves it at this day a doubt whether she was really so whimsical and capricious in her appetites as she herself pre- tended to be -, for her longings were not restricted to the de- mands of the palate and stomach, but also affected all the other organs of sense, and even invaded her imagination, which at this period seemed to be strangely diseased. One time she longed to pinch her husband's car ; and it was witli infinite difficulty that his sister could prevail upon him to undergo the operation. Yet this task was easy, in comparison with another she undertook for the gratification of Mrs Pickle's unaccountable desire ; which was no other than to persuade the commodore to submit his chin to the mercy of the big-bellied lady, who ardently wished for an opportunity of plucking three black hairs from his beard. When this proposal Was first communicated to Mr Trunnion by the husband, his answer was nothing but a dreadful effu- sion of oaths, accompanied with such a stare, and delivered in such a tone of voice, as terrified the poor bescecher into immediate silence ; so that Mrs Grizzle was fain to take the whole enterprise upon herself, and next day went to the gar- rison accordingly, where, having obtained entrance by means PEREGRINE PICKLE. 29 of the lieutenant, who, while his commander was asleep, or- dered her to be admitted for the joke's sake, she waited pa- tiently till he turned out, and then accosted him in the yard, where he used to perform his morning walk. He was thun- derstruck at the appearance of a woman in a place which he had hitherto kept sacred from the whole sex, and immediately began to utter an apostrophe to Tom Pipes, whose turn it was then to watch ; when Mrs Grizzle, falling on her knees before him, conjured him, with many pathetic supplications, to hear and grant her request, which was no sooner signified, than he bellowed in such an outrageous manner, that the whole court re-echoed the opprobrious term, bitch, and the word damnation, which he repeated with surprising volubil- ity, without any sort of propriety or connection; and re- treated into his penetralia, leaving the baffled devotee in the humble posture she had so unsuccessfully chosen to melt his obdurate heart. Mortifying as this repulse must have been to a lady of her stately disposition, she did not relinquish her aim, but endeavoured to interest the commodore''s counsellors and ad- herents in her cause. With this view she solicited the interest of Mr Hatchway, who being highly pleased with a circum- stance so productive of mirth and diversion, readily entered into her measures, and promised to employ his whole influ- ence for her satisfaction ; and as for the boatswain's mate, he was rendered propitious by the present of a guinea, which she slipped into his hand. In short, Mrs Grizzle was continually engaged in this negociation for the space of ten days, during which the commodore was so incessantly pestered with her remonstrances, and the admonitions of his associates, that he swore his people had a design upon his life, which becoming a burthen to him, he at last complied, and was conducted to the scene hke a victim to the altar, or rather like a reluctant bear, when he is led to the stake amidst the shouts and cries of butchers and their dogs. Af- ter all, this victory was not quite so decisive as the conque- rors imagined ; for the patient being set, and the performer prepared with a pair of pincers, a small difficulty occurred ; ■iO THE ADVENTURES 01' she could not (or some time discern one black hair on the whole superfices of Mr Trunnion's face ; when Mrs Grizzle, very much alarmed and disconcerted, had recourse to a mag- nifying glass that stood upon her toilet; and, after a most accurate examination, discovered a fibre of a dusky hue, to which the instrument being applied, Mrs Pickle pulled it up by the root, to the no small discomposure of the owner, who feeling the smart much more severe than he had expected, started up, and swore he would not part with another hair to save them all from damnation. Mr Hatchway exhorted him to patience and resignation ; iMrs Grizzle repeated her entreaties with gi-eat humility; but finding him deaf to all her prayers, and absolutely bent upon leaving the house, she clasped his knees, and begged for the love of God that he would have compassion upon a distressed family, and endure a little more for the sake of the poor infant, who would otherwise be born with a grey beard upon its chin. Far from being melted, he was rather exasperated by this reflection ; to which he replied with great indignation, — ' damn you for a yaw-sighted bitch ! he'll be hanged long enough before he has any beard at all :' so saying, he disengaged himself from her embraces, flung out at the door, and halted homewards with such surprising speed, that the lieutenant could not overtake him until he had arrived at his own gate ; and Mrs Grizzle was so much affected with his escape, that her sister, in pure compassion, desired she would not afflict herself, protesting that her own wish was already gratified, for she had plucked three hairs at once, having from the beginning been dubious of the com- modore's patience. But the labours of this assiduous kins- woman did not end with the achievement of this adventure ; her eloquence or industry was employed without ceasing, in the performance of other tasks imposed by the ingenious craft of her sister-in-law, who, at another time, conceived an insuppressible affection for a fricassee of frogs, which should be the genuine natives of France ; so that there was a ne- cessity for dispatching a messenger on purpose to that king- dom ; but, as she could not depend upon the integrity of any PEREGllINE PICKLE. 31 common servant, Mrs Grizzle undertook that province, and actually sec sail in a cutter for Boulogne, from whence she returned in eight-and-forty hours with a tub full of those live animals, which, being dressed according to art, her sister would not taste them, on pretence that her fit of longing was past ; but then her inclinations took a different turn, and fixed themselves upon a curious implement belonging to a lady of quality in the neighbourhood, which was reported to be a very great curiosity ; this was no other than a procelain chamber-pot of admirable workmanship, contrived by the honourable owner, who kept it for her own private use, and cherished it as an utensil of ineL-timable value. Mrs Grizzle shuddered at the first hint she received of her sister's desire to possess this piece of furniture, because she knew it was not to be purchased ; and the lady''s charac- ter, which was none of the most amiable in point of huma- nity and condescension, forbade all hopes of box-rowing it for a season ; she therefore attempted to reason down this capri- cious appetite, as an extravagance of imagination which ought to be combated and repressed ; and Mrs Pickle, to all appearance, was convinced and satisfied by her arguments and advice ; but, nevertheless, could make use of no other convenience, and was threatened with a very dangerous sup- pression. Housed at the peril in which she supposed her to be, Mrs Grizzle flew to the lady's house, and, having obtained a private audience, disclosed the melancholy situa- tion of her sister, and implored the benevolence of her lady- ship ; who, contrary to expectation, received her very graci- ously, and consented to indulge Mrs Pickle's longing. Mr Pickle began to be out of humour at the expense to which he was exposed by the caprice of his wife, who was herself alarmed at this last incident, and, for the future, kept her fancy within bounds ; insomuch that, without being sub- ject to any more extraordinary trouble, Mrs Grizzle reaped the long-wished-for fruits of her dearest expectation in the birth of a fine boy, whom her sister in a few months brought into the world. I .shall omit the description of the rejoicings, which were 82 THE ADVENTURES OF infinite, on this important occasion, and only observe, tliat Mrs Pickle's mother and aunt stood god-mothers, and the commodore assisted at the ceremony as god-father to the child, who was christened by the name of Peregrine, in com- pliment to the memory of a deceased uncle. While the mo- ther was confined to her bed, and incapable of maintaining her own authority, Mrs Grizzle took charge of the infant by a double claim ; and superintended with surprising vigilance the nurse and midwife in all the particulars of their re- spective offices, which were performed by her express direc- tion. But no sooner was Mrs Pickle in a condition to re- assume the management of her own aff^airs, than she thought proper to alter certain regulations concerning the child, which had obtained in consequence of her sister's orders ; directing, among other innovations, that the bandages with which the infant had been so neatly rolled up, like an Egyptian mummy, should be loosened and laid aside, in order to rid nature of all restraint, and give the blood free scope to cir- culate ; and with her own hands she plunged him headlong every morning into a tub full of cold water. This operation seemed so barbarous to the tender hearted Mrs Grizzle, that she not only opposed it with all her eloquence, shedding abundance of tears over the sacrifice when it was made, but took horse immediately, and departed for the habitation of an eminent country physician, whom she consulted in these words : * Pray, doctor, is it not both dangerous and cruel to be the means of letting a poor tender infant perish, by sous- ing it in water as cold as ice ? ' ' Yes,' replied the doctor, * downright murder, I affirm.' * I see you are a person of great learning and sagacity,' said the other ; ' and I must beg you will be so good as to signify your opinion in your own handwriting.' The doctor immediately complied with her request, and expressed himself upon a slip of paper to this purpose : — * These are to certify vchom it may concern^ that 1 firmly helieve^ and it is my unalterable opinion, that whosoever letteth an infant perish, by sousing it in cold watery even though the said water should not be so cold as ice, is in effect guilty of the murder of the said infant — as witness my hand. Comfit Colycynth.' PEREGRINE PICKLE. 33 Having obtained this certificate, for which the physician was immediately acknowlcdored, she returned, exulting, and hoping, with such authority, to overthrow all opposition. Accordingly, next morning, when lier nephew was about to undergo his diurnal baptism, she produced the commission, whereby she conceived herself empowered to overrule such inhuman proceedings. But she was disappointed in her ex- pectation, confident as it was ; not that Mrs Pickle pretended to difi^er in opinion from Dr Colycynth, ' for whose charac- ter and sentiments,' said she, ' I have such veneration, that I shall carefully observe the caution implied in this very cer- tificate, by which, far from condemning my method of prac- tice, he only asserts that killing is murder ; an asseveration, the truth of which, it is to be hoped, I shall never dispute."* Mrs Grizzle, who, sooth to say, had rather too superfi- cially considered the clause by which she thought herself authorized, perused the paper with more accuracy, and was confounded at her own want of penetration. Yet, though she was confuted, she was by no means convinced that her objections to the cold bath were unreasonable ; on the con- trary, after having bestowed sundry opprobrious epithets on the physician, for his want of knowledge and candour, she protested, in the most earnest and solemn manner, against the pernicious practice of dipping the child; a piece of cruelty which, with God's assistance, she should never suffer to be inflicted on her own issue ; and washing her hands of the melancholy consequence that would certainly ensue, shut herself up in her closet, to indulge her sorrow and vexation. She was deceived, however, in her prognostic ; the boy, in- stead of declining in point of health, seemed to acquire fresh vigour from every plunge, as if he had been resolved to dis- credit the wisdom and foresight of his aunt, who, in all pro- babihty, could never forgive him for this want of reverence and respect. This conjecture is founded upon her behaviour to him in the sequel of his infancy, during which she was known to torture him more than once, when she had oppor- tunities of thrusting pins into his flesh, without any danger of being detected. In a word, her affections were in a little time Vol II. C 3't THE ADVENTURES OP altogether alienated from this hope of her family, whom she abandoned to the conduct of his mother, whose province it undoubtedly was to manage the nurture of her own child ; while she herself resumed her operations upon the commodore, whom she was resolved at any rate to captivate and enslave. And it must be owned, that Mrs Grizzle's knowledge of the human heart never shone so conspicuous, as in the methods she pursued for the accomplishment of this important aim. Through the rough unpolished husk that cased the soul of Trunnion, she could easily distinguish a large share of that vanity and self-conceit that generally predominate even in the most savage breast ; and to this she constantly appealed. In his presence she always exclaimed against the craft and dishonest dissimulation of the world, and never failed of ut- teriag particular invectives against those arts of chicanery in which the lawyers are so conversant, to the prejudice and ruin of their fellow-creatures ; observing, that, in a sea-faring life, so far as she had opportunities of judging or being in- formed, there was nothing but friendship, sincerity, and a hearty contempt for every thing that was mean or selfish. This kind of conversation, with the assistance of certain particular civilites, insensibly made an impression on the mind of the commodore, and that the more effectually, as liis former prepossessions were built upon very slender foun- dations ; his antipathy to old maids, which he had conceived upon hearsay, began gradually to diminish, when he found they were not quite such infernal animals as they had been represented ; and it was not long before he was heard to ob- servijj at the club, tjiat Pickle's sister had not so much of the core of bitch in her as he had imatjincd. This nc^rative com- pliment, by the medium of her brother, soon reached the ears of Mrs Grizzle, who, thus encouraged, redoubled. all her arts and attention ; so that, in less than three months after, he in the same place distinguished her with the epithet of a damned sensible jade. Hatchway taking the alarm at this declaration, which he feared foreboded something fatal to his interest, told his com- mander with a sneer, that she had sense enough to bring him PEREGRINE PICKLE. to under her stern ; and he did not doubt but that such an old crazy vessel would be the better for being taken in tow. ' But, howsomever,"" added this arch adviser, ' Fd have you take care of your upper works ; for if once you are made fast to her poop, egad ! she'll spank it away, and make every beam in your body crack with straining.' Our she projector's whole plan had like to have been ruined by the effect which this malicious hint had upon Trunnion, whose rage and sus- picion being awakened at once, his colour changed from tawny to a cadaverous pale, and then shifting to a deep and dusky red, such as we sometimes observe in the sky when it is replete with thunder, he, after his usual preamble of un- meaning oaths, answered in these words : ' Damn ye, you jury-legged dog, you would give all the stowage in your hold to be as sound as I am ; and as for being taken in tow, d'ye see, I'm not so disabled but that I can lie my course, and perform my voyage, without any assistance ; and egad ! no man shaH ever see Hawser Trunnion lagging astern in the wake of e'er a b — in Christendom.' Mrs Grizzle, who every morning interrogated her brother with regard to the subject of his over-night's conversation with his friends, soon received the unwelcome news of the commodore's aversion to matrimony ; and, justly imputing the greatest part of his disgust to the satirical insinuations of Mr Hatchway, resolved to level this obstruction to her suc- cess, and actually found means to interest him in her scheme. She had, indeed, on some occasions, a particular knack at m.aking converts, being probably not unacquainted with that grand'system of persuasion which is adopted by the greatest personages of the age, as fraught with maxims much more effectual than all the eloquence of Tully or Demosthenes, even when supported by the demonstrations of truth : besides, ]Mr Hatchway's fidelity to his new ally was confirmed by his foreseeing in his captain's marriage an infinite fund of gra- tification for his own cynical disposition. Thus, therefore, converted and properly cautioned, he for the future suppres- sed all the virulence of his wit against the matrimonial state ; and, as he knew not how to open his mouth in the positive 36 THE ADVENTURES OF praise of any person whatever, took all opportunities of ex- cepting IMrs Grizzle by name from the censures he liberally bestowed upon the rest of her sex. ' She is not a drunkard, like Nan Castic of Deptford (he would say) ; not a nincom- poop, like Peg Simper of Woolwich; not a brimstone, like Kate Coddie of Chatham ; not a shrew, like Nell Griffin on the Point of Portsmouth (ladies to whom, at different times, they had both paid their addresses) ; but a tight, good- humoured, sensible wench, who knows very well how to box her compass ; well trimmed aloft, and well sheathed alow, with a good cargo under her hatches.' The commodore at first imagined this commendation was ironical, but hearing it repeated again and again, was filled with astonishment at this surprising change in the lieutenant's behaviour ; and, after a long fit of musing, concluded that Hatchway him- self harboured a matrimonial design on the person of Mrs Grizzle. Pleased with this conjecture, he rallied Jack in his turn, and one night toasted her health as a compliment to his passion ; a circumstance which the lady learned next day by the usual canal of her intelligence, and interpreting as the result of his own tenderness for her, she congratulated herself upon the victory she had obtained ; and, thinking it un- necessary to continue the reserve she had hitherto industri- ously affected, resolved from that day to sweeten her beha- viour towards him with such a dish of affection as could not fail to persuade him that he had inspired her with a re- ciprocal flame. In consequence of this determination, he was invited to dinner, and, while he staid, treated with such cloy- ing proofs of hCr regard, that not only the rest of the com- pany, but even Trunnion himself, perceived her drift; and taking the alarm accordingly, could not help exclaiming, — ' oho ! I see how the land lies, and if I don't weather the point rU be damned.' Having thus expressed himself to his afflicted inamorata, he made the best of his way to the gar- rison, in which he shut himself up for the space of ten days, and had no communication with his friends and domestics but by looks, which were most significantly picturesque. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 37 CHAPTER VII. Divers stratagems are invented and put in practice^ in or- der to overcome the obstinacy of Trunnion, who at length is teased and tortured into the noose of zccdlock. 1 HIS abrupt departure and unkind declaration affected Mrs Grizzle so much, that she fell sick of sorrow and mortifica- tion ; and after having confined herself to her bed for three days, sent for her brother, told him she perceived her end drawing near, and desired that a lawyer might be brought, in order to write her last will. Mr Pickle, surprised at her demand, began to act the part of a comforter, assuring her that her distemper was not at all dangerous ; and that he would instantly send for a physician, who would convince her that she was in no manner of jeopardy ; so that there was no occasion at present to employ an officious attorney in such a melancholy task. Indeed, this affectionate brother was of opinion, that a will was altogether superfluous at any rate, as he himself was heir-at-law to his sister's whole real and personal estate. But she insisted upon his compliance with such determined obstinacy, that he could no longer re- sist her importunities ; and a scriviner arriving, she dictated and executed her will, in which she bequeathed to Com- modore Trunnion one thousand pounds to purchase a mourn- ing ring, which she hoped he would wear as a pledge of her friendship and affection. Her brother, though he did not much relish this testimony of her love, nevertheless that same evening gave an account of this particular to Mr Hatch- way, who was also, as Mr Pickle assured him, generously remembered by the testatrix. The lieutenant, fraught with this piece of intelhgence, watched for an opportunity, and as soon as he perceived the commodore's features a little unbended from that fero- cious contraction they had retained so long, ventured to in- form him that Pickle's sister lay at the point of death, and that she had left him a thousand pounds in her will. This piece of news overwhelmed him with confusion, and Mr Hatchway imputing his silence to remorse, resolved to take o»a THE ADVENTURES OF advantage of that favourable moment, and counselled him to go and visit the poor young woman, who was dying for love of him. But his admonition happened to be somewhat unseasonable; for Trunnion no sooner heard him mention the cause of her disorder, than, his morosity recurring, he burst out into a violent fit of cursing, and forthwith betook himself again to his hammock, where he lay uttering, in a low growling tone of voice, a repetition of oaths and impre- cations, for the space of four-and-twenty hours, without ceas- ing. This was a delicious meal to the lieutenant, who, eager to enhance the pleasure of the entertainment, and, at the same time, conduce to the success of the cause he had es- poused, invented a stratagem, the execution of which had all the effect he could desire. He prevailed upon Pipes, who was devoted to his service, to get upon the top of the chim- ney belonging to the commodore's chamber, at midnight, and to lower down by a rope a bunch of stinking whitings ; which being performed, he put a speaking trumpet to his mouth, and hollowed down the vent, in a voice like thun- der, ' Trunnion ! Trunnion ! turn out and be spliced, or lie still and be damned.' This dreadful note, the terror of which was increased by the silence and darkness of the night, as well as the echo of the passage through which it was con- veyed, no sooner reached the ears of the astonished com- modore, than turning his eye towards the place from whence this solemn address seemed to proceed, he beheld a glitter- ing object that vanished in an instant. Just as his supersti- tious fear had improved the apparition into some superna- tural messenger clothed in shining array, his opinion was confirmed by a sudden explosion, which he took for thunder, though it was no other than the noise of a pistol fired down the chimney by the boatswain's mate, according to the in- structions he had received ; and he had time enough to de- scend before he was in any danger of being detected by his commander, who could not for a whole hour recollect himself from the amazement and consternation which had over- powered his faculties. At length, however,^ he got up, and rung his bell with PEREGRINE PICKLE. 39 great agitation. He repeated the summons more than once ; but no regard being paid to this alarm, his dread returned with double terror; a cold sweat bedewed his limbs, his knees knocked together, his hair bristled up, and the re- ' mains of his teeth were shattered to pieces in the convulsive vibrations of his jaws. In the midst of this agony, he made one desperate effort, and, bursting open the door of his apartment, bolted into Hatchway's chamber, which happened to be on the same floor. There he found the lieutenant in a counterfeit swoon, who pretended to wake from his trance in an ejaculation of ' Lord have mercy upon us V And, being questioned by the terri- fied commodore, with regard to what had happened, assured him he had heard the same voice and clap of thunder by which Trunnion himself had been discomposed. Pipes, whose turn it was to watch, concurred in giving evidence to the same purpose ; and the commodore not only owned that he had heard the voice, but likewise communi- cated his vision, with all the aggravation which his disturbed fancy suggested. A consultation immediately ensued, in which Mr Hatch- way very gravely observed, that the finger of God was plain- ly perceivable in those signals ; and that it would be both sinful and foolish to disregard his commands, especially as the match proposed was, in all respects, more advantageous than any that one of his years and infirmities could reason- ably expect ; declaring, that, for his own part, he would not endanger his soul and body, by living one day longer under the same roof with a man who despised the holy will of hea- ven ; and Tom Pipes adhered to the same pious resolution. Trunnion's perseverance could not resist the number and diversity of considerations that assaulted it ; he revolved in silence all the opposite motives that occurred to his reflec- tion ; and after having been, to all appearance, bewildered in the labyrinth of his own thoughts, he wiped the sweat from his forehead, and, heaving a piteous groan, yielded to their remonstrances, in these words: ' Well, since it must be so, I think we must e'en grapple : but, damn my 41) THE ADVKNT0UE3 01' eyes ! 'tis a damu'd hard case that a fellow of my years should be compelled, d'ye see, to beat up to windward all the rest of his life, against the current of his own mchnation.' This important article being discussed, Mr Hatchway set out in the morning to visit the despairing shepherdess, and was handsomely rewarded for the enlivening tidings with which he blessed her ears. Sick as she was, she could not help laughing heartily at the contrivance, in consequence of which her swain's assent had been obtained, and gave the lieutenant ten guineas for Tom Pipes, in consideration of the part he acted in the farce. In the afternoon, the commodore suffered himself to be conveyed to her apartment, like a felon to execution, and was received by her in a languishing manner, and genteel dishabille, accompanied by her sister-in-law, who was, for very obvious reasons, extremely solicitous about her success. Though the lieutenant had tutored him, touching his be- haviour at this interview, he made a thousand wry faces be- fore he could pronounce the simple salutation of how d'ye ? to his mistress ; and, after his counsellor had urged him with twenty or thirty whispers, to each of which he had replied aloud, ' damn your eyes I won't,' he got up, and lialting towards the couch on which Mrs Grizzle reclined in a state of strange expectation, he seized her band, and press- ed it to his lips ; but this piece of gallantry he performed in such a reluctant, uncouth, indignant manner, that the nymph had need of all her resolution to endure the com- pliment without shrinking ; and he himself was so discon- certed at what he had done, that he instantly retired to the other end of the room, where he sat silent, broiling with shame and vexation. Mrs Pickle like a sensible matron, quitted the place, on pretence of going to the nursery ; and Mr Hatchway, taking the hint, recollected that he had left his tobacco pouch in the parlour, whither he immedi- ately descended, leaving the two lovers to their mutual en- dearments. Never had the commodore found himself in such a disagreeable dilemma before. He sat in an agony of suspense, as if he every moment dreaded the dissolution of PEREGRINE PICKLE. 41 nature ; and the imploring sighs of his future bride added, if possible, to the pangs of his distress. Impatient of his situation, he rolled his eye around in quest of some relief, and, unable to contain himself, exclaimed, ' damnation seize the fellow and his pouch too ! I believe he has sheered off, and left me here in the stays." Mrs Grizzle, who could not help taking some notice of this manifestation of chagrin, la- mented her unhappy fate in being so disagreeable to him, that he could not put up with her company for a few mo- ments without repining ; and began, in very tender terms, to reproach Inm with his inhumanity and indifference. To this expostulation he replied, — ' Zounds ! what would the woman have .'' let the parson do his office when he wool ; here I am ready to be reeved in the matrimonial block, d'ye see, and damn all nonsensical palaver.' So saying, he retreated, leaving his mistress not at all disobliged at his plain dealing. That same evening the treaty of marriage was brought upon the carpet, and, by means of IMr Pickle and the lieutenant, settled to the satisfaction of all parties, without the inter- vention of lawyers, whom Mr Trunnion expressly excluded from all share in the business ; making that condition the indispensable preliminary of the whole agreement. Things being brought to this bearing, Mrs Grizzle's heart dilated with joy ; her health, which, by-the-bye, was never danger- ously impaired, she recovered as if by enchantment ; and a day being fixed for the nuptials, employed the short period of her celibacy in choosing ornaments for the celebration of her entrance into the married state. CHAPTER VIII. Preparations are made for the commodo7'e\'i ic'eddhig, which is delayed by an accident that hurried him the Loixlknozas whither. JL HE fame of this extraordinary conjunction spread all over the county ; and on the day appointed for their spousals, the church was surrounded by an inconceivable multitude. The commodore, to give a specimen of his gallantry, by 42 THE ADVENTURES OT tlie advice of his friend Hatchway, resolved to appear on horseback on the grand occasion, at the head of all his male attendants, whom he had rigged with the white shirts and black caps formerly belonging to his barge's crew ; and he bought a couple of hunters for the accommodation of him- self and his lieutenant. Witli this equipage then he set out from the garrison for the church, after having dispatched a messenger to apprise the bride that he and his company were mounted. She got immediately into the coach, accom- panied by her brother and his wife, and drove directly to the place of assignation, where several pews were demolished, and divers persons almost pressed to death, by the eagerness of the crowd that broke in to see the ceremony performed. Thus arrived at the altar, and the priest in attendance, they ^•aited a whole half hour for the commodore, at whose slow- ness they began to be under some apprehension, and accord- ingly dismissed a servant to quicken his pace. The valet having rode something more than a mile, espied the whole troop disposed in a long field, crossing the road obliquely, and headed by the bridegroom and his friend Hatchway, who, finding himself hindered by a hedge from proceeding farther in the same direction, fired a pistol, and stood over to the other side, making an obtuse angle with the line of his former course ; and the rest of the squadron followed his example, keeping always in the rear of each other like a . flight of wild geese. Surprised at this strange method of journeying, the mes- senger came up, and told the commodore that his lady and her company expected him in the church, where they had tarried a considerable time, and were beginning to be very uneasy at his delay ; and therefore desired he would proceed ■with more expedition. To this message Mr Trunnion re- plied, — ' Hark ye, brother, don't you see we make all pos- sible speed ? go back, and tell those who sent you, that the wind has shifted since v?e weighed anchor, and that we are obliged to make very short trips in tacking, by reason of the narrowness of the channel : and that as we lie within six points of the wind, they must make some allowance for PEREGRINE PICKLE. 43 variation and leeway.' ' Lord, sir !' said the valet, ' what oc- casion have you to go zig-zag in that manner ? do but clap spurs to your horses, and ride straight forward, and 111 en- gage you shall be at the church-porch in less than a quarter of an hour.' ' What ! right in the winds eye ?' answered the commander, ' ahey ! brother, where did you learn your navigation ? Hawser Trunnion is not to be taught at this time of day how to lie his course, or keep his own reckon- ing. And as for you, brother, you best know the trim of your own frigate.' The courier finding he had to do with people who would not be easily persuaded out of tiicir own opinions, returned to the temple, and made a report of what he had seen and heard, to the no small consolation of the bride, who had begun to discover some signs of disquiet. Composed, however, by this piece of intelligence, she ex- erted her patience for the space of another half hour, during which period, seeing no bridegroom arrive, she was exceed- ingly alarmed ; so that all the spectators could easily perceive her perturbation, which manifested itself in frequent palpita- tions, heai't-heavings, and alterations of countenance, in spite of the assistance of a sraelling-bottlcj which she incessantly applied to her nostrils. Various were the conjectures of the company on this oc- casion : some imagined he had mistaken the place of ren- dezvous, as he had never been at church since he first set- tled in that parish ; others believed he had met with some accident, in consequence of which his attendants had car- ried himljack to his own house; and a third set, in which the bride herself was thought to be comprehended, could not help suspecting that the commodore had changed his mind. But all these suppositions, ingenious as they were, happen- ed to be wide of. the true cause that detained him, which was no other than this^ — The commodore and his crew had, by dint of turning, almost weathered the parson's house that stood to windward of the church, when the notes of a pack of hounds unluckily reached the ears of the two hunters which Trunnion and the lieutenant bestrode. These fleet animals no sooner heard the enlivening sound, than, eager 44 THE ADVENTTURES OF for the chase, they sprung away all of a sudden, and strain- ing every nerve to partake of the sport, flew across the fields with incredible speed, overleaped hedges and ditches, and every thing in their way, without the least regard to their unfortunate riders. The lieutenant, whose steed had got the heels of the other, finding it would be great folly and presumption in him to pretend to keep the saddle with his wooden leg, very wisely took the opportunity of throwing himself off in his passage through a field of rich clover, among which he lay at his ease ; and seeing his captain ad- vancing at full gallop, hailed him with the salutation of * what cheer ? ho !' The commodoi'c, who Avas in infinite distress, eyeing him askance, as he passed, replied with a faltering voice, — ' O damn you ! you are safe at an anchor ; I wish to God I were as fast moored.'' Nevertheless, con- scious of his disabled heel, he would not venture to try the experiment which had succeeded so well with Hatchway, but resolved to stick as close as possible to his horse's back, until Providence should interpose in his behalf. With this view he dropped his whip, and with his right hand laid fast hold on the pummel, contracting every muscle in his body to secure himself in the seat, and grinning most for- midably, in consequence of this exertion. In this attitude he was hurried on a considerable way, when all of a sudden his view was comforted by a five-bar gate that appeared be- fore him, as he never doubted that there the career of his hunter must necessarily end. But, alas ! he reckoned with- out his host : Far from halting at this obstrnction,*the horse sprung over it with amazing agility, to the utter confusion and disorder of his owner, who lost his hat and periwig in the leap, and now began to think in good earnest that he was actually mounted on the back of the devil. He recom- mended himself to God, his reflection forsook him, his eye- sight and all his other senses failed, he quitted the reins, and, fastening by instinct on the mane, was in this condition con- veyed into the midst of the sportsmen, who were astonished at the sight of such an apparition. Neither was their sur- prise to be wondered at, if we reflect on the figure that pre* PEREGRINK PlCKLli. 45 sented itself to their view. The comi'nodore''s person was at all times an object of admiration ; much more so on this oc- casion, when every singularity was aggravated by the cir- cumstances of his dress and disaster. He had put on, in honour of his nuptials, his best coat of blue broad clotii, cut by a tailor of Ramsgate, and trimmed with five dozen of brass buttons, large and small ; his breeches were of the same piece, fastened at the knees with large bunches of tape; his waistcoat was of red plush, lapelled with green velvet, and garnished with vellum holes ; his boots bore an infinite resemblance, both in colour and shape, to a pair of leather buckets ; his shoulder was graced with a broad buflP belt, from whence depended a huge hanger, with a hilt like that of a backsword ; and on each side of his pummel appeared a rusty pistol, rammed in a case covered with a bearskin. The loss of his tie j^eriwig and laced hat, which were curiosities of the kind, did not at all contribute to the improvement of the picture, but, on the contrary, by exhibiting his bald pate, and the natural extension of his lanthorn jaws, added to the peculiarity and extravagance of the whole. Such a spectacle could not have failed of di- verting the whole company from the chase, had his horse thought proper to pursue a different route, but the beast was too keen a sporter to choose any other way than that which the stag followed ; and therefore, without stopping to gra- tify the curiosity of the spectators, he, in a few minutes, out- stripped every hunter in the field. There being a deep hol- low way betwixt him and the hounds, rather than ride round about the length of a furlong to a path that crossed the lane, he transported himself, at one jump, to the unspeakable as- tonishment and terror of a waggoner who chanced to be un- derneath, and saw this phenomenon fly over his carriage. This was not the only adventure he achieved. The stag having taken a deep river that lay in his way, every man directed his course to a bridge in the neighbourhood ; but our bridegroom''s courser, despising all such conveniences, plunged into the stream without hesitation, and swam in a twinkling to the opposite shore. This sudden immersion in- 4G THE ADVEKTUllES Of to an element, of wliicli Trunnion was properly a native, in all probability liclped to recruit the exhausted spirits of his rider, who, at his landing on the other side, gave some tokens of sensation, by hallooing aloud for assistance, which he could not possibly receive, because his horse still main- tained the advantage he had gained, and would not allovr himself to be overtaken. In short, after a long chase, that lasted several hours, and extended to a dozen miles at least, he was the fii'st in at the death of the deer, being seconded by the lieutenant's geld- ing, which, actuated by the same spirit, had, without a rider, followed his companion's example. Our bridegroom finding himself at last brought up, or, in other words, at the end of his career, took the opportunity of the first pause, to desire the huntsmen would lend him a hand in dismounting; and was by their condescension safely placed on the grass, where he sat staring at the company as they came in, with such wildness of astonishment in his looks, as if he had been a creature of another species, dropt among them from the clouds. Before they had fleshed the hounds, however, he recol- lected himself, and seeing one of the sportsmen take a small flask out of his pocket and apply it to his mouth, judged the cordial to be no other than neat coniac, which it really was ; and expressing a desire of participation, was immedi- ately accommodated with a moderate dose, which perfectly completed his recovery. By this time he and his two horses had engrossed the at- tention of the whole crowd ; while some admired the elegant proportion and uncommon spirit of the two animals, the rest contemplated the surprising ai)pcarance of their master, whom before they had only seen en passant ; and at length one of the gentlemen accosting him very courteously, sig- nified his wonder at seeing him in such an equipage, and asked him if he had not dropped his companion by the way ? ' Why, look ye, brother,' replied the commodore, ' mayhap you tliink me an odd sort of a fellow, seeing me in this trim, especially as I have lost part of my rigging ; but this here is rEREGKINE PICKLE. 47 the case, d'ye see : I weighed anchor from my own house this m»3rning at ten A. M. with fair weather and a favour- able breeze at south-south-east, being bound to the next church on the voyage of matrimony ; but howsoracver, we had not run down a quarter of a league, when the wind shifting, blowed directly in our teeth ; so that we were forced to tack all the way, d'ye see, and had almost beat up within sight of the port, when these sons of bitches of horses, which I had bought but two days before (for my own part, I be- lieve they are devils incarnate), luffed round in a trice, and then refusing the helm, drove away like lightning with me and my lieutenant, who soon came to anchor in an exceeding good birth. As for my own part, I have been carried over rocks, and flats, and quick-sands, among wjiich I have pitched away a special good tie-perijyig, and an iron-bound hat ; and at last, thank God ! am got into smooth water and safe riding ; but if ever I venture my carcase upon such hare'um scare'um blood of a bitch again, my name is not Hawser Trunnion, damn my eyes !' One of the company struck with this name, w])ich he had often heard, immediately laid hold on his declai'ation at the close of this singular account ; and observing that his horses were very vicious, asked how he intended to return ? ' As for .that matter,"* replied Mr Trunnion, ' I am resolved to hire a sledge or waggon, or such a thing as a jack-ass ; for I'll be damn'd if ever I cross the back of a horse again.' ' And what do you propose to do with these creatures f (said the other, pointing to the hunters), ' they seem to have some mettle ; but then they are mere colts, and will take the devil and all of breaking. Methinks this hinder one is shoulder-slipped.' ' Damn them,' cried the commodore, ' I wish both their necks were broke, thof the two cost me forty good yellow-boys.' 'Forty guineas !' (exclaimed the stranger, who was a squire and a jockey, as well as owner of the pack), ' Lord! lord ! how a man may be imposed upon ? Why, these cattle are clumsy enough to go to plough ; mind what a flat counter ; do but observe how sharp this here one is in the withers ; then he's fired in the further fet- 48 THE ADVEXTUKES OF lock.' In short, this connoisseur in horse flesh, having dis- covered in them all the defects which can possibly be found in that species of animals, offered to give him ten guineas for the two, saying he would convert them into beasts of burthen. The owner, who (after what had happened) was very well disposed to listen to any thing that was said to their prejudice, implicitly believed the truth of the stranger's asseverations, discharged a furious volley of oaths against the rascal who had taken him in, and forthwith struck a bargain with the squire, who paid him instantly for his purchase ; in consequence of which he won the plate at the next Canterbury races. This affair being transacted to the mutual satisfaction of both parties, as well as to the general entertainment of the company, who laughed in their sleeves at the dexterity of their friend. Trunnion was set upon the squire's own horse, and led by his servant in the midst of this cavalcade, which proceeded to a neighbouring village, where they had bespoke dinner, and where our bridegroom found means to provide himself with another hat and wig. With regard to his mar- riage, he bore his disappointment with the temper of a phi- losopher ; and the exercise he had undergone having quick- ened Lis appetite, sat down at table in the midst of his new acquaintance, making a very hearty meal, and moistening every morsel with a draught of the ale, which he found very much to his satisfaction. CHAPTER IX. He is found by the Iteutencmt — rcconchided to his oxon house— married to Mrs Grizzle — xvho meets xvith a small misfortune in the nighty and asserts her prej-ogative next morning — in consequence ofxvhich^ her husband's eye is endangered. jVIeaxwiiile Lieutenant Hatchway made shift to hobble to the church, where he informed the company of what had happened to the commodore ; and the bride behaved with great decency on the occasion ; for, as soon as she under- PEKEGRINE PICKLE. 49 Btood the danger to which her future husband was exposed, she fainted in the arms of her sister-in-law, to the surprise of all the spectators, who could not comprehend the cause of her disorder ; and when she was recovered by the applica- tion of smelling bottles, earnestly begged that IVIr Hatch- way and Tom Pipes would take her brother's coach, and go in quest of their commander. This task they readily undertook, being escorted by all the rest of his adherents on horseback ; while the bride and her friends were invited to the parson's house, and the cere- mony deferred till another occasion. The lieutenant, steering his course as near the line of di- rection in which Trunnion went off, as the coach road would permit, got intelligence of his track from one farm-house to another ; for such an apparition could not fail of attracting particular notice ; and one of the horsemen having picked up his hat and wig in a bye-path, the whole troop entered the village where he was lodged, about four o'clock in the after- noon. When they understood he was safely housed at the George, they rode up to the door in a body, and expressed their satisfaction in three cheers : which were returned by the company within, as soon as they were instructed in the nature of the salute by Trunnion, who by this time, had en- tered into all the jollity of his new friends, and was indeed more than half seas over. The lieutenant was introduced to all present as his sworn brother, and had something tossed up for his dinner. Tom Pipes and the crew were regaled in another room ; and a fresh pair of horses being put to the coach, about six in the evening the commodore, with all his attendants, departed for the garrison, after having shook hands with every individual in the house. Without any farther accident, he was conveyed in safety to his own gate, before nine, and committed to the care of Pipes, who carried him instantly to his hammock, while the lieutenant was driven away to the place where the bride and her friends remained in great anxiety, which vanished when he assured them that his commodore was safe, being suc- ceeded by abundance of mirth and pleasantry at the account lie gave of Trunnion's adventure. Vol. IL D 50 THE ADVENTURES OF Another day was fixed for the nuptials : and in order to baulk the curiosity of idle people, which had given great offence, the parson was prevailed upon to perform the cere- mony in the garrison, which all that day was adorned with flags and pendants displayed, and at night illuminated by the directions of Hatchway, who also ordered the patereroes to be fired as soon as the marriage knot was tied. Neither were the other parts of the entertainment neglected by this ingenious contriver, who produced undeniable proofs of his elegance and art in the wedding supper, which had been com- mitted to his management and direction. This genial banquet was entirely composed of sea dishes ; a huge pillaw, consisting of a large piece of beef sliced, a couple of fowls, and half a peck of rice, smoked in the middle of the board ; a dish of hard fish swimming in oil, appeared at each end, the sides being furnished with a mess of that savoury composition known by the name of lobscourse, and a plate of salmagundy. The second course displayed a goose of a monstrous magni- tude, flanked with two Guinea hens, a pig barbecued, an hock of salt pork in the midst of a pease pudding, a leg of mutton roasted, with potatoes, and another boiled with yams. The third service was made up with a loin of fresh pork with apple sauce, a kid smothered with onions, and a terrapin baked in the shell ; and last of all, a prodigious sea pye was presented, with an infinite volume of pancakes and fritters. That every thing might be answerable to the mag- nificence of this delicate feast, he had provided vast quan- tities of strong beer, flip, rumbo, and burnt brandy, with plenty of Barbadoes water, for the ladies ; and hired all the fiddles within six miles, who, with the addition of a drum- bagpipe, and Welsh harp, regaled the guests with a most melodious concert. The company, who were not at all exceptious, seemed ex- tremely well pleased with every particular of the entertain- ment ; and the evening being spent in the most social man- ner, the bride was by her sister conducted to her apartment, where, however, a trifling circumstance had like to have de- stroyed the harmony which had been hitherto maintained. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 51 I have already observed, that there was not one standing bed within the walls ; therefore the reader will not wonder that Mrs Trunnion was out of humour, when she found her- self under the necessity of being confined with her spouse in a hammock, which, though enlarged with a double portion of canvas, and dilated with a yoke for the occasion, was at best but a disagreeable, not to say dangerous situation. She accordingly complained with some warmth of this inconve- nience, which she imputed to disrespect, and at first abso- lutely refused to put up with the expedient ; but Mrs Pickle soon brought her to reason and compliance, by observing that one night would soon be elapsed, and next day she might regulate her own economy. Thus persuaded, she ventured into the vehicle, and was visited by her husband in less than an hour, the company being departed to their own homes, and the garrison left to the command of his lieutenant and mate. But it seems the hooks that supported this swinging couch were not cal- culated for the addition of weight which they were now des- tined to bear ; and therefore gave way in the middle of the night, to the no small terror of Mrs Trunnion, who perceiv- ing herself falling, screamed aloud, and by that exclamation brought Hatchway, with a light, into the chamber. Though she had received no injury by the fall, she was extremely dis- composed and incensed at the accident, which she even open- ly ascribed to the obstinacy and whimsical oddity of the com- modore, in such petulant terms as evidently declared that she thought her great aim accomplished, and her authority secured against all the shocks of fortune. Indeed her bed- fellow seemed to be of the same opinion, by his tacit resig- nation ; for he made no reply to her insinuations, but with a most vinegar aspect, crawled out of his nest, and betook himself to rest in another apartment, while his irritated spouse dismissed the lieutenant, and from the wreck of the hammock made an occasional bed for herself on the floor, fully deter- mined to provide better accommodation for the next night's lodgings. Having no inclination to sleep, her thoughts, during the 53 THE ADVENTURES OF remaining part of the night, were engrossed by a scheme of reformation she was resolved to execute in the family ; and no sooner did the first lark bid salutation to the morn, than, starting from her humble couch, and huddling on her clothes, she sallied from her chamber, explored her way through paths before unknown, and in the course of her researches, perceived a large bell, to which she made such effectual ap- plication, as alarmed every soul in the family. In a moment she was surrounded by Hatchway, Pipes, and all the rest of the servants, half-dressed ; but seeing none of the feminine gender appear, she began to storm at the sloth and laziness of the maids, who, she observed, ought to have been at work an hour at least before she called ; and then, for the first time, understood that no woman was permitted to sleep within the walls. She did not fail to exclaim against this regulation ; and being informed that the cook and chambermaid lodged in a 5mall office-house, that stood without the gate, ordered the draw-bridge to be let down, and in person beat up their quarters, commanding them forthwith to set about scouring the rooms, which had not been hitherto kept in a very de- cent condition, while t%vo men were immediately employed to transport the bed on which she used to lie, from her bro- ther's house to her new habitation ; so that, in less than two hours, the whole economy of the garrison was turned topsy- turvy, and every thing involved in tumult and noise. Trun- nion being disturbed and distracted with the uproar, turned out in his shirt like a maniac, and arming himself with a cudgel of crab-tree, made an irruption into his wife"'s apart- ment, where perceiving a couple of carpenters at work, in joining a bedstead, he, with many dreadful oaths and oppro- brious invectives, ordered them to desist, swearing he would suffer no bulk-heads nor hurricane houses to stand where he was master ; but finding his remonstrances disregarded by these mechanics^ who believed him to be some madman be- longing to the family, who had broke from his confinement, he assaulted them botli with great fury and indignation, and was handled so roughly in the encounter, that, in a very short PEREGRINE PICKLE. 53 time, he measured his length on the floor, in consequence of a blow that he received from a hammer, by which the sight of his remaining eye was grievously endangered. Having thus reduced him to a state of subjection, they resolved to secure him with cords, and were actually busy in adjusting his fetters, when he was exempted from the disgrace, by the accidental entrance of his spouse, who rescued him from the hands of his adversaries, and, in the midst of her condolence, imputed his misfortune to the inconsiderate roughness of his own disposition. He breathed nothing but revenge, and made some efforts to chastise the insolence of the workmen, who, as soon as they understood his quality, asked forgiveness for what they had done, with great humility, protesting that they did not know he was master of the house. But, far from being satisfied with this apology, he groped about for the bell (the inflam- mation of his eye having utterly deprived him of sight), and the rope being, by the precaution of the delinquents, con- veyed out of his reach, began to storm with incredible voci- feration, like a lion roaring in the toil, pouring forth in- numerable oaths and execrations, and calling by name Hatch- way and Pipes, who being within hearing, obeyed the extra- ordinary summons, and were ordered to put the carpenters in irons, for having audaciously assaulted him in his own house. His myrmidons, seeing he had been evil-entreated, were exasperated at the insult he had suffered, which they consi- dered as an affront upon the dignity of the garrison : the more so, as the mutineers seemed to put themselves in a posture of defence, and set their authority at defiance : they there- fore unsheathed their cutlasses, which they commonly wore as badges of their commission ; and a desperate engagement, in all probability, would have ensued, had not the lady of the castle interposed, and prevented the effects of their ani- mosity, by assuring the lieutenant that the commodore had been the aggressor, and that the workmen finding them- selves attacked in such an extraordinary manner, by a person whom they did not know, were obliged to act in their own defence, by which he had received that unlucky contusion. 5i THE ADVENTURES OF Mr Hatchway no sooner learnt the sentiments of Mis Trunnion, than sheathing his indignation, he told the com- modore that he should always be ready to execute his lawful commands, but that he could not in conscience be concerned in oppressing poor people, who had been guilty of no of- fence. This unexpected declaration, together with the behaviour of his wife, who in his hearing desired the carpenters to re- sume their work, filled the breast of Trunnion with rage and mortification. He pulled off his woollen night-cap, pum- melled his bare pate, beat the floor alternately with his feet, swore his people had betrayed him, and cursed himself to the lowest pit of hell, for having admitted such a cockatrice into liis family. But all these exclamations did not avail ; they were among the last essays of his resistance to the will of his wife, whose influence among his adherents had already swallowed up his own, and who now peremptorily told him, that he must leave the management of every thing within doors to her, who understood best what was for his honour and advantage. She then ordered a poultice to be prepared for his eye, which being applied, he was committed to the care of Pipes, by whom he was led about the house like a blind bear growling for prey, while his industrious yoke- fellow executed every circumstance of the plan she had pro- jected ; so that, when he recovered his vision, he was an ut- ter stranger in his own house. CHAPTER X. The Commodore being in some cases restive, his lady has re- course to artifice in the establishment of her throne — She ex- hibits symptoms of pregnancy, to the tmspealcable joy of Trunniony who nevertheless is baulked in his expectation. L iiESE innovations were not effected without many loud ob- jections on his part ; and divers curious dialogues passed be- tween him and his yoke-fellow, who always came off' victo- rious from the dispute ; insomuch that his countenance gra- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 55 dually fell ; he began to suppress, and at length entirely de- voured, his chagrin ; the terrors of superior authority were plainly perceivable in his features, and in less than three months he became a thorough-paced husband. Not that his obstinacy was extinguished, though overcome ; in some things he was as inflexible and mulish as ever ; but then he durst not kick so openly, and was reduced to the necessity of being passive in his resentments. Mrs Trunnion, for ex- ample, proposed that a coach and six should be purchased, as she could not ride on horseback, and the chaise was a scandalous carriage for a person of her condition ; the com- modore, conscious of his own inferior capacity in point of reasoning, did not think proper to dispiite the proposal, but lent a deaf ear to her remonstrances, though they were en* forced with every argument which she thought could soothe, terrify, shame, or decoy, him into compliance : in vain did she urge the excess of affection she had for him, as meriting some return of tenderness and condescension ; he was even proof against certain menacing hints she gave, touching the resentment of a slighted woman ; and he stood out against all the considerations of dignity or disgrace, like a bulwark of brass. Neither was he moved to any indecent or unkind expressions of contradiction, even when she upbraided him with his sordid disposition, and put him in mind of the for- tune and honour he had acquired by his marriage, but seemed to retire within himself, hke a tortoise when attacked, that shrinks within its shell, and silently endured the scourge of her reproaches, without seeming sensible of the smart. This, however, was the only point in which she had been baffled since her nuptials ; and as she could by no means digest the miscarriage, she tortured her invention for some new plan, by which she might augment her influence and authority : what her genius refused was supplied by acci- dent ; for she had not lived four mouths in the garrison, when she was seized with frequent qualms and retchings, her breasts began to harden, and her stomach to be remarkably prominent : in a word, she congratulated herself on the symptoms of her own fertility, and the commodore was trans- 50 THE ADVENTURES OT' ported with joy at the prospect of an heir of his own be- getting. She knew this was the proper season for vindicating her own sovereignty, and accordingly employed the means which nature had put in her power. There was not a rare piece of furniture and apparel for which she did not long ; and one day as she went to church, seeing Lady Stately's equi- page arrive, she suddenly fainted away. Her husband, whose vanity had never been so perfectly gratified as with this promised harvest of his own sowing, took the alarm im- mediately, and in order to prevent relapses of that kind, which might be attended with fatal consequences to his hope, gave her leave to bespeak a coach, horses, and liveries, to her own liking. Thus authorized, she in a very little time exhibited such a specimen of her own taste and magnifi- cence, as afforded speculation to the whole country, and made Trunnion''s heart quake within him, because he foresaw no limits to her extravagance, which also manifested itself in the most expensive preparations for her lying-in. Her pride, which had hitherto regarded the representative of her father's house, seemed now to lose all that hereditary respect, and prompt her to outshine and undervalue the elder branch of her family. She behaved to Mrs Pickle with a sort of civil reserve that implied a conscious superiority ; and an emulation in point of grandeur immediately commenced between the two sisters. She every day communicated her imjvortance to the whole parish, under pretence of taking the air in her coach, and endeavoured to extend her ac- quaintance among people of fashion Nor was this an un- dertaking attended with great difficulty ; for all persons whatever, capable of maintaining a certain appearance, will always find admission into what is called the best company, and be rated, in point of character, according to their own valuation, without subjecting their pretensions to the small- est doubt or examination. In all her visits and parties, she seized every opportunity of declaring her present condition, observing that she was forbid by her physicians to taste such a pickle, and that such a dish was poison to a woman PEREGRINE PICKLE. 57 in her way ; nay, where she was on a footing of familiarity, she affected to make wry faces, and complained that the young rogue began to be very unruly, writhing herself into divers contortions, as if she had been grievously incommod- ed by the metal of this future Trunnion. The husband him- self did not behave with all the moderation that might have been expected : at the club he frequently mentioned this circumstance of his own vigour as a pretty successful feat to be performed by an old fellow of fifty-five, and confirm- ed the opinion of his strength by redoubled squeezes of the landlord's hand, which never failed of extorting a satisfac- tory certificate of his might. When his companions drank to the Hans in kelder, or Jack in the low cellar, he could not help displaying an extraordinary complacence of coun- tenance, and signified his intention of sending the young dog to sea, as soon as he should be able to carry a cartridge, in hopes of seeing him an officer before his own death. This hope helped to console him under the extraordinary expense to which he was exposed by the profusion of his wife, especially when he considered that his compliance with her prodigality would be limited to the expiration of the nine months, of which the best part was by this time elapsed ; yet, in spite of all this philosophical resignation, her fancy sometimes soared to such a ridiculous and into- lerable pitch of insolence and absurdity, that his temper forsook him, and he could not help wishing in secret, that her pride might be confounded in the dissipation of her most flattering hopes, even though he himself should be a prin- cipal sufferer by the disappointment. These, however, were no other than the suggestions of temporary disgusts, that commonly subsided as suddenly as they arose, and ne- ver gave the least disturbance to the person who inspired them, because he took care to conceal them carefully from her knowledge. Meanwhile she happily advanced in her reckoning, with the promise of a favourable issue ; the term of her compu- tation expired, and in the middle of the night she was vi- sited by certain warnings that seemed to bespeak the ap- 58 THE ADVENTURES OF proach of the critical moment. The commodore got up with great alacrity, and called the midwife, who had been several days in the house : the gossips were immediately summoned, and the most interesting expectations prevailed ; but the symptoms of labour gradually vanished, and, as the matrons sagely observed, this was no more than a false alarm. Two nights after, they received a second intimation ; and as she was sensibly diminished in the waist, every thing was supposed to be in a fair way : yet this visitation was not more conclusive than the former ; her pains wore oft" in spite of all her endeavours to encourage them, and the good women betook themselves to their respective homes, in ex- pectation of finding the third attack decisive, alluding to the well known maxim, that number three is always fortunate. For once, however, this apothegm failed ; the next call was altogether as ineffectual as the former ; and moreover attend- ed with a phenomenon which to them was equally strange and inexplicable : this was no other than such a reduction in the size of IMrs Trunnion as might have been expected after the birth of a full-grown child. Startled at such an unaccountable event, they sat in close divan ; and, conclud- ing that the case was in all respects unnatural and pro- digious, desired that a messenger might be immediately dispatched for some male practitioner in the art of mid- wifery. The commodore, without guessing the cause of their per- plexity, ordered Pipes immediately on this piece of duty ; and in less than two hours they were assisted by the advice of a surgeon of the neighbourhood, who boldly affirmed that the patient had never been with child. This asseveration was like a clap of thunder to Mr Trunnion, who had been dur- ing eight whole days and nights, in continual expectation of being hailed with the appellation of father. After some recollection, he swore the surgeon was an ig- norant fellow, and that he would not take his word for what he advanced, being comforted and confirmed in his want of faith by the insinuations of the midwife, who still PEREGRINE PICKLE. 59 persisted to feed Mrs Trunnion with hopes of a speedy and safe delivery ; observing, that she had been concerned in many a case of the same nature, where a fine child was found, even after all signs of the mother's pregnancy had disappeared. Every twig of hope, how slender soever it may be, is eagerly caught hold on by people who find them- selves in danger of being disappointed. To every question proposed by her to the lady with the preambles of *• han't you F or ' don't you ?"" an answer was made in the affirma- tive, whether agreeable to truth or not ; because the respon- dent could not find in her heart to disown any symptom that might favour the notion she had so long indulged. This experienced proficient in the obstetric art was there- fore kept in close attendance for the space of three weeks, during which the patient had several returns of what she pleased herself with believing to be labour pains, till at length she and her husband became the standing joke of the parish ; and this infatuated couple could scarce be prevailed upon to part with their hopes, even when she appeared as lank as a greyhound, and they were furnished with other unquestionable proofs of their having been deceived. But they could not for ever remain under the influence of J;his sweet delusion, which at last faded away, and was succeeded by a paroxysm of shame and confusion, that kept the hus- band within doors for the space of a whole fortnight, and confined his lady to her bed for a series of weeks, during which she suffered all the anguish of the most intense mor- tification ; yet even this was subdued by the lenient hand of time. The first respite from her chagrin was employed in the strict discharge of what are called the duties of religion, which she performed with the most rancorous severity, set- ting on foot a persecution in her own family, that made the house too hot for all the menial servants, even ruffled the almost invincible indifference of Tom Pipes, harassed the commodore himself out of all patience, and spared no individual but Lieutenant Hatchway, whom she never ven- tured to disoblige. CO THE ADVENTURES OP CHAPTER XI. Mrs Trunnion erects a tyranny in the garrison, "while her husband conceives an affection Jbr his nepheio Perry, who manifests a peculiarity of disposition even in his tender years. Xj AviKG exercised herself three monthis in such pious amuse* ments, she appeared again in the world ; but her misfortune had made such an impression on her mind, that she could not bear the sight of a child, and trembled whenever the conversation happened to turn upon a christening. Her temper, which was naturally none of the sweetest, seemed to have imbibed a double proportion of souring from her disappointment ; of consequence her company was not much coveted, and she found very few people disposed to treat her with those marks of consideration which she looked upon as her due. This neglect detached her from the so- ciety of an unmannerly world ; she concentered the energy of all her talents in the government of her own house, which groaned accordingly under her arbitrary sway ; and in the brandy bottle found ample consolation for all the affliction she had undergone. As for the commodore, he in a little time weathered his disgrace, after having sustained many severe jokes from the lieutenant ; and now his chief aim being to be absent from his own house as much as possible, he frequented the public house more than ever, more assiduously cultivated the friend- ship of his brother-in-law Mr Pickle, and, in the course of their intimacy, conceived an affection for his nephew Perry, which did not end but with his life. Indeed it must be owned that Trunnion was not naturally deficient in the so- cial passions of the soul, which, though they were strangely warped, disguised, and overborne, by the circumstances of his boisterous life and education, did not fail to manifest themselves occasionally through the whole course of his be- haviour. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 61 As all the hopes of propagating his own name had perished, and his relations lay under the interdiction of his hate, it is no wonder that, through the familiarity and friendly in- tercourse subsisting between him and Mr Gamaliel, he con- tracted a liking for the boy, who by this time entered the third year of his age, and was indeed a very handsome, healthy, and promising child; and what seemed to ingra- tiate him still more with his uncle, was a certain oddity of disposition, for which he had been remarkable, even from his cradle. It is reported of him, that, before the first year of his infancy was elapsed, he used very often, immediately after being dressed, in the midst of the caresses which were bestowed upon him by his mother, while she indulged her- self in the contemplation of her own happiness, all of a sud- den to alarm her with a fit of shrieks and cries, which con- tinued with great violence till he was stripped to the skin with the utmost expedition, by order of his affrighted pa- rent, who thought his tender body was tortured by the mis- application of some unlucky pin ; and when he had given them all this disturbance and unnecessary trouble, he would lie sprawling and laughing in their faces, as if he ridiculed the impertinence of their concern. Nay, it is affirmed, that one day, when the old woman, who attended in the nursery, had, by stealth, conveyed a bottle of cordial waters to her mouth, he pulled his nurse by the sleeve, and, by a slight glance detecting the theft, tipt her the wink with a particu- lar slyness of countenance, as if he had said with a sneer, — * ay, ay, that is what you must all come to.' But these in- stances of reflection in a babe nine months old are so incre- dible, that I look upon them as ex post facto observations, founded upon imaginary recollection, when he was in a more advanced age, and his peculiarities of temper become much more remarkable ; — of a piece with the ingenious dis- coveries of those sagacious observers who can discern some- thing evidently characteristic in the features of any noted personage, whose character they have previously heard ex- plained ; yet, without pretending to specify at what period of his childhood this singularity first appeared, I can with 6!2 THE ADVENTURES OF great truth declare, that, when he first attracted the notice and affection of his uncle, it was plainly perceivable. One would imagine he had marked out the commodore as a proper object of ridicule, for almost all his little childish satire was levelled against him. I will not deny that he might have been influenced in this particular, by the ex- ample and instruction of Mr Hatchway, who delighted in superintending the first essays of his genius. As the gout had taken up its residence in Mr Trunnion's great toe, from whence it never removed, no not for a day, little Perry took great pleasure in treading by accident on this infirm mem- ber ; and when his uncle, incensed by the pain, used to damn him for a hell-begotten brat, he would appease him in a twinkling, by returning the curse with equal emphasis, and asking what was the matter with old Hannibal Tough ? an appellation by which the lieutenant had taught him tb dis- tinguish this grim commander. Neither was this the only experiment he tried upon the patience of the commodore, with whose nose he used to take indecent freedoms, even while he was fondled on his knee ; in one month he put him to the expense of two guineas in seal-skin, by picking his pocket of divers tobacco pouches, all of which he in secret committed to the flames. Nor did the caprice of his disposition abstain from the favourite beverage of Trunnion, who more than once swallowed a whole draught, in which his brother's snuff-box had been emptied, before he perceived the disagreeable infusion ; and one day, when the commodore had chastised him by a gen- tle tap with his cane, he fell flat on the floor, as if he had been deprived of all sense and motion, to the terror and amazement of the striker ; and, after having filled the whole house with confusion and dismay, opened his eyes and laughed heartily at the success of his own imposition. It would be an endless, and perhaps no very agreeable, task, to enumerate all the unlucky pranks he played upon his uncle and others, before he attained the fourth year of his age ; about which time he was sent, with an attendant, to a day-school in the neighbourhood, that (to use his good mo- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 63 ther"'s own expression) he might be out of harm''s way. Here, however, he made little progress, except in mischief, which he practised with impunity, because the schoolmistress would run no risk of disobliging a lady of fortune, by exercising unnecessary severities upon her only child. Nevertheless, Mrs Pickle was not so blindly partial as to be pleased with such unseasonable indulgence. Perry was taken out of the hands of this courteous teacher, and committed to the in- struction of a pedagogue, who was ordered to administer such correction as the boy should (in his opinion) deserve. This authority he did not neglect to use : his pupil was re- gularly flogged twice a-day ; and, after having been sub- jected to this course of discipline for the space of eighteen months, declared the most obstinate, dull, and untoward genius that ever had fallen under his cultivation ; instead of being reformed, he seemed rather hardened and confirmed in his vicious inclinations, and was dead to all sense of fear as well as shame. His mother was extremely mortified at these symptoms of stupidity, which she considered as an in- heritance derived from the spirit of his father, and conse- quently unsurmountable by all the efforts of human care. But the commodore rejoiced over the ruggidness of his na- ture, and was particularly pleased, when, upon inquiry, he found that Perry had beaten all the boys in the school ; a circumstance from which he prognosticated every thing that was fair and fortunate in his future fate ; observing that, at his age, he himself was just such another. The boy, who was now turned of six, having profited so little under the birch of his unsparing governor, Mrs Pickle was coun- selled to send him to a boarding-school not far from Lon- don, which was kept by a certain person very eminent for his successful method of education. This advice she the more readily embraced, because at that time she found herself pretty far gone with another child, that she hoped would console her for the disappointment she had met with in the unpromising talents of Perry, or at any rate, divide her concern, so as to enable her to endure the absence of either. Iti THE ADVENTURES OF CHAPTER XII. Peregrine is sent to a hoarding-school — becomes remarkahh for his genius and ambition. J. HE commodore imderstanding her determination, to which her husband did not venture to make the least objection, in- terested himself so much in behalf of his favourite, as to fit him out at his own charge, and accompany him in person to the place of his destination ; where he defrayed the expense of his entrance, and left him to the particular care and in- spection of the usher, who having been recommended to him as a person of parts and integrity, received per advance a handsome consideration for the task he undertook. Nothing could be better judged than this piece of libe- rality : the assistant was actually a man of learning, probity and good sense ; and, though obliged by the scandalous ad- ministration of fortune to act in the character of an inferior teacher, had, by his sole capacity and application, brought the school to that degree of reputation, which it never could have obtained from the talents of his superior. He had established an economy, which, though regular, was not at all severe, by enacting a body of laws suited to the age and comprehension of every individual ; and each transgressor was fairly tried by his peers, and punished according to the verdict of the jury. No boy was scourged for want of ap- prehension, but a spirit of emulation was raised by well-timed praise and artful comparison, and maintained by a distri- bution of small prizes, which were adjudged to those who signalized themselves either by their industry, sobriety, or genius. This tutor, whose name was Jennings, began with Perry, according to his constant maxim, by examining the soil ; that is, studying his temper, in order to consult the bias of his disposition, which was strangely perverted by the absurd discipline he had undergone. He found him in a state of sullen insensibility, which the child had gradually contracted in a long course of stupifying correction ; and at first he was not in the least actuated by that commenda- FEREGIIINE PICKLE. 65 tion which animated the rest of his school-fellows ; nor was it in the power of reproach to excite his ambition, which had been buried, as it were, in the grave of disgrace : the usher therefore had recourse to contemptuous neglect, \ntli which he affected to treat this stubborn spirit ; foreseeing, that, if he retained any seeds of sentiment, this weather would infallibly raise them into vegetation : his judgment was justified by the event ; the boy in a little time began to make observations ; he perceived the marks of distinction with which virtue was rewarded, grew ashamed of the des- picable figure he himself made among his companions, who, far from courting, rather shunned his conversation, and actually pined at his own want of importance. Mr Jennings saw and rejoiced at his mortification, which he suffered to proceed as far as possible, without endanger- ing his health. The child lost all rdish for diversion, loathed his food, grew pensive, solitary, and was frequently found weeping by himself These symptoms plainly evinced the recovery of his feelings, to which his governor thouglit it now high lime to make application ; and therefoi-e by little and little altered his behaviour from the indifference he had put on, to the appearance of more regard and attention. This produced a favourable change in the boy, whose eyes sparkled with satisfaction one day, when his master expressed him- self with a show of surprise in these words : ' so. Perry ! I find you don't want genius, when you think proper to use it.' Such encomiums kindled a spirit of emulation in his little breast ; he exerted himself with surprising alacrity, by which he soon acquitted himself of the imputation of dulness, and obtained sundry honorary silver pennies, as acknowledgments of his application : his school-fellows now solicited his friend- ship as eagerly as they had avoided it before ; and, in less than a twelvemonth after his arrival, this supposed dunce was remarkable for the brightness of his parts ; having in tl^at short period learnt to read English perfectly well, made great progress in writing, -enabled himself to speak the French language without hesitation, and acquired some knowledge in the rudiments of the Latin tongue. The usher did not Vol 11. E 66 THE ADVENT UllES OF fail to transmit an account of his proficiency to the commo- dore, who received it with transport, and forthwith commu- nicated the happy tidings to the parents. Mr Gamaliel Pickle, who was never subject to violent emotions, heard them with a sort of phlegmatic satisfaction, that scarce manifested itself either in his countenance or ex- pressions ; nor did the child's mother break forth into that rapture and admiration which might have been expected, when she understood how much the talents of her first-born had exceeded the hope of her warmest imagination. Not but that she professed herself well pleased with Perry''s re- putation ; though she observed that, in these commendations, the truth was always exaggerated by schoolmasters, for their own interest ; and pretended to wonder that the usher had not mingled more probability with his praise. Trunnion was offended at her indifference and want of faith ; and be- lieving that she refined too much in her discernment, swore that Jennings had declared the truth, and nothing but the truth ; for he himself had prophesied from the beginning that the boy would turn out a credit to his family. But by this time Mrs Pickle Avas blessed with a daughter, whom she had brought into the world about six months before the intelli- gence arrived ; so that her care and affection being otherwise engrossed, the praise of Perry was the less greedily devoured. The abatement of her fondness was an advantage to his edu- cation, which would have been retarded, and perhaps ruined, by pernicious indulgence and preposterous interposition, had her love considered him as an only child ; whereas, her concern being now diverted to another object, that shared, at least, one half of her affection, he was left to the manage- ment of his preceptor, who tutored him according to his own plan, without any let or interruption. Indeed, all his sagacity and circumspection were but barely sufficient to keep the young gentleman in order ; for, now that he had won the palm of victory from his rivals in point of scholarship, his ambition dilated, and he was seized with the desire of sub- jecting the whole school by the valour of his arm. Before he could bring his project to bear, innumerable battles were PEREGRINE PICKLE. 67 fought with various success ; every day a bloody nose and complaint were presented against him, and his own visage commonly bore some livid marks of obstinate contention. At length, however, he accomplished his aim ; his adver- saries were subdued, his prowess acknowledged, and he ob- tained the laurel in war as well as in wit. Thus triumph- ant, he was intoxicated with success. His pride rose in pro- portion to his power, and, in spite of all the endeavours of Jennings, who practised every method he could invent for curbing his licentious conduct, without depressing his spirit, he contracted a large proportion of insolence, which a series of misfortunes that happened to him in the sequel could scarce effectually tame. Nevertheless there was a fund of good nature and generosity in his composition, and though he established a tyranny among his comrades, the tranquil- lity of his reign was maintained by the love rather than by the fear of his subjects. In the midst of all his enjoyment of empire, he never once violated that respectful awe with which the usher had found means to inspire him ; but he by no means preserved the same regard for the principal master, an old illiterate German quack, who had formerly practised corn-cutting among the quality, and sold cosmetic washes to the ladies, together with teeth powders, hair-dyeing liquors, prolific elixirs, and tinc- tures to sweeten the bi-eath. These nostrums, recommended by the art of cringing, in which he was consummate, ingra- tiated him so much with people of fashion, that he was en- abled to set up school with five-and-twenty boys of the best families, whom he boarded on his own terms, and undertook to instruct in the French and Latin languages, so as to qua- lify them for the colleges of Westminster and Eton. While this plan was in its infancy, he was so fortunate as to meet with Jennings, who, for the paltry consideration of thirty pounds a-year, which his necessities compelled him to accept, took the whole trouble of educating the children upon him- self, contrived an excellent system for that purpose, and, by his assiduity and knowledge, executed all the particulars to the entire satisfaction of those concerned, who, by-the-bye. G8 ■IHIi ADVENTURES OF never inquired into his qualifications, but suffered the other to enjoy the fruits of his labour and ingenuity. Over and above a larj^e stock of avarice, ignorance, and vanity, this superior had certain ridiculous peculiarities in his person, such as a haunch upon his back, and distorted limbs, that seemed to attract the satirical notice of Pere- grine, who, young as he was, took offence at his want of reverence for his usher, over whom he sometimes chose op- portunities of displaying his authority, that the boys might not displace their veneration. Mr Keypstick, therefore, such as I have described him, incurred the contempt and displeasure of this enterprising pupil, who now, being in the tenth year of his age, had capacity enough to give him abundance of vexation. He underwent many mortifying jokes from the invention of Pickle and his confederates ; so that he began to entertain suspicion of Mr Jennings, who, he could not help thinking, had been at the bottom of them all, and spirited up principles of rebellion in the school, with a view of making himself independent. Possessed with this chimera, which was void of all foundation, the Ger- man descended so low as to tamper in private with the boys, from whom he hoped to draw some very important discovery ; but he was disappointed in his expectation ; and this mean practice reaching the ears of his usher, he volun- tarily resigned his employment. Finding interest to obtain holy orders in a little time after, he left the kingdom, hoping to find a settlement in some of our American plantations. The departure of Mr Jennings produced a great revolu- tion in the affairs of Keypstick, which declined from that moment, because he had neither authority to enforce obe- dience, nor prudence to maintain order among his scholars ; so that the school degenerated into anarchy and confusion, and he himself dwindled in the opinion of his employers, who looked upon him as superannuated, and withdrew their children from his tuition. Peregrine, seeing this dissolution of their society, and find- ing himself every day deprived of some companion, began to repine at his situation, and resolved, if possible, to pro- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 69 cure his release from the jurisdiction of the person whom he both detested and despised. With this view he went to work, and composed the following billet, addressed to the commodore, which was the first specimen of his composition in the epistolary way :— 'Honoured and loving Unclb, * Hoping you are in good health, this serves to inform you, that Mr Jennings is gone, and Mr Keypstick will never meet with his fellow. The school is already almost broke up and the rest daily going away: and I beg of you of all love to have me fetched away also, for I cannot bear to be any longer under one who is a perfect ignoramus, who scarce knows the declination of Tnusa, and is more fit to be a scarecrow than a schoolmaster; hoping you will send for me soon, with my love to my aunt, and my duty to my honoured parents, craving their blessing and yours. And this is all at present, from, honoured uncle, your well beloved and dutiful nephew and godson, and humble ser- vant to command till death, Peregrine Pickle.' Trunnion was overjoyed at the receipt of this letter, which he looked upon as one of the greatest efforts of human ge- nius, and as such communicated the contents to his lady, whom he had disturbed for the purpose in the middle of her devotion, by sending a message to her closet, whither it was her custom very frequently to retire. She was out of hu- mour at being interrupted, and therefore did not peruse this specimen of her nephew's understanding with all the relish that the commodore himself had enjoyed; on the contrary, after sundry paralytical endeavours to speak (for her tongue sometimes refused its office), she observed that the boy was a pert jackanapes, and deserved to be severely chastised for treating his betters with such disrespect. Her husband, undertook his godson's defience, representing, with great warmth, that he knew Keypstick to be a good-for-nothing pimping old rascal, and that Perry shewed a great deal of spirit and good sense in desiring to be taken from under his command ; he therefore declared that the boy should not live a week longer with such a shambling son of a b — , and sanctioned his declaration with abundance of oaths. ' "♦0 THE ADVENTURES OF Mrs Trunnion, composing her conntenanco into a look of religious demurencss, rebuked him for his profane way of talking ; and asked, in a magisterial tone, if he intended never to lay aside that brutal behaviour ? Irritated at this reproach, he answered, in terms of indignation, that he knew how to behave himself as well as e'er a woman that wore a head, bade her mind her own affairs, and, with another repetition of oaths, gave her to understand that he would be master in his own house. This insinuation operated upon her spirits like friction upon a glass globe ; her face gleamed with resentment, and every pore seemed to emit particles of flame. She replied with incredible fluency of the bitterest expressions. He re- torted, with equal rage, in broken hints and incoherent im- precations. She rejoined with redoubled fury ; and in con- clusion he was fain to betake himself to flight, ejaculating curses against her, and muttering something concerning the brandy bottle, which, however, he took care should never reach her ears. From his own house he went directly to visit Mrs Pickle, to whom he imparted Peregrine's epistle, with many enco- miums upon the boy's pi'omising parts ; and finding his com- mendations but coldly received, desired she would permit hira to take his godson under his own care. This lady, whose family was now increased by another son, who seemed to engross her care for the present, had not seen Perry during a course of four years, and, with regard to him, was perfectly weaned of that infirmity known by the name of maternal fondness ; she therefore consented to the commodore''s request with great condescension, and a polite compliment to him on the concern he had all along mani- fested for the welfare of the child. PEREGRINE PICKLE. CHAPTER XIII. The commodore takes Peregrine under his oxvn care — the hoy arrives at the garrison — is strangelij received by his own mother — enters into a confederacy zviih Hatchway and Pipes, and executes a couple of waggish enterprises upon his aunt. 1 RUNNioN having obtained this permission, that very after- noon dispatched the lieutenant in a post-chaise to Keyp- stick's house, from whence, in two days, he returned with our young hero ; who, being now in the eleventh year of his age, had outgrown the expectation of all his family, and was remarkable for the beauty and elegance of his person. His godfather was transported at his arrival, as if he had been actually the issue of his own loins. He shook him heartily by the hand, turned him round and round, surveyed him from top to bottom, bade Hatchway take notice how hand- somely he was built; squeezed his hand again, saying, — ' damn ye, you dog, I suppose you don't value such an old crazy son of a b — as me a rope's end. You have forgot how I wont to dandle you on my knee, when you was a little urchin no bigger than the Davit, and played a thousand tricks upon me, burning my bacco-pouches, and poisoning my rumbo : O, damn ye, you can grin fast enough, I see ; I warrant you have learnt more things than writing and the Latin lingo.' Even Tom Pipes expressed uncommon satis- faction on this joyful occasion ; and coming up to Perry, thrust forth his fore-paw, and accosted him with the saluta- tion of ' what cheer, my young master .'' 1 am glad to see thee with all my heart.' These compliments being passed, his uncle halted to the door of his wife's chamber, at which he stood hollowing, ' here's your kinsman Perry, belike you won't come and bid him welcome.' — ' Lord ! Mr Trun- nion,' said she, ' why will you continually harass me in this manner with your impertinent intrusion?' 'I harrow you!' replied the commodore ; ' 'sblood, I believe your upper works are damaged ; I only came to inform you that here was your cousin, whom you have not seen these four long years; and 7S THE ADVENTURES OF I'll be damn'd if there is such another of his age within the king's dominions, d'ye see, either for make or mettle ; he's a credit to the name, d'ye see ; but damn my eyes, I'll say no more of the matter ; if you come, you may ; if you wont, you may let it alone.' ' Well 1 won't come then,' answered his yoke-fellow, ' for I am at present more agreeably employ- ed.' ' Oho ! you are ? I believe so too ;' cried the commodore, making wry faces, and mimicking the action of dram-drink- ing. Then addressing himself to Hatchway, — 'prithee, Jack,' said he, ' go and try thy skill on that stubborn hulk : if any body can bring her about, I know you wool.' The lieutenant accordingly taking his station at the door, conveyed his per- suasion in these words : ' what, won't you turn out and hail little Perry .'' it will do your heart good to see such a hand- some young dog ; I'm sure he is the very moral of you, and as like as if he had been spit out of your own mouth, as the saying is ; do shew a little respect for your kinsman, can't you .^' To this remonstrance she replied, in a mild tone of voice, — ' Dear Mr Hatchway, you are always teasing one in such a manner ; sure I am, nobody can tax me with un- kindness, or want of natural affection ;' so saying, she open- ed the door, and advancing to the hall where her nephew stood, received him very graciously, and observed that he was the very image of her papa. In the afternoon he was conducted by the commodore to the house of his parents ; and, straiige to tell, no sooner was he presented to his mother, than her countenance changed ; she eyed him with tokens of affliction and surprise, and burst- ing into tears, exclaimed her child was dead, and this was no other tliun an impostor whom they had brought to defraud her sorrow. Trunnion was confounded at this unaccount- able passion, which had no other foundation than caprice and whim ; and Gamaliel himself was so disconcerted and unsettled in his own belief, which began to waver, that he knew not how to behave towards the boy, whom hisgodfiather immediately carried back to the garrison, swearing all the way that Perry should never cross their threshold again with his good-will. — Nay, so much was he incensed at this unnatural PEREGRINE PICKLE. 73 and absurd renunciation, that he refused to carry on any further correspondence with Pickle, until he was appeased by his solicitations and submission, and Peregrine owned as his son and heir. Bi:t this acknowledgment was made without the privity of his wife, whose vicious aversion he was obliged in appearance, to adopt. Thus exiled from his father's house, the young gentleman was left entirely to the disposal of the commodore, whose affection for him daily increased, insomuch that he could scarce prevail upon him- self to part with him, when his education absolutely required that he should be otherwise disposed of. In all probability, this extraordinary attachment was, if not produced, at least rivetted, by that peculiar turn in Peregrine's imagination, which we have already observed ; and which, during his residence in the castle, appeared in sundry stratagems he practised upon his uncle and aunt, un- der the auspices of Mr Hatchway, who assisted him in the contrivance and execution of all his schemes. Nor was Pipes exempted from a share in their undertakings ; for, being a trusty fellow, not without dexterity in some cases, and alto- gether resigned to their will, they found him a serviceable instrument for their purpose, and used him accordingly. The first sample of their art was exhibited upon Mrs Trunnion. They terrified that good lady with strange noises when she retired to her devotion. Pipes was a natural genius in the composition of discords ; he could imitate the sound produced by the winding of a jack, the filing of a saw, and the swinging of a malefactor hanging in chains ; he could counterfeit the braying of an ass, the screeching of a night owl, the cauterwauling of cats, the howling of a dog, the squeaking of a pig, the crowing of a cock ; and he had learnt the war-whoop uttered by the Indians in North America. These talents were exerted successively at different times and places, to the terror of ]\Irs Trunnion, the discomposure of the commodore himself, and the consternation of all the ser- , vants in the castle. Peregrine, with a sheet over his clothes, sometimes timibled before his aunt in the twilight, when her organs of vision were a little impaired by the cordial she 74 THE ADVENTURES OF had swallowed ; and the boatswain^s mate taught liim to shoe cats with walnut-shells, so that they made a most dreadful clattering in their nocturnal excursions. The mind of Mrs Trunnion was not a little disturbed by these alarms, which, in her opinion, portended the death of some principal person in the family : she redoubled her religious exercises, and forti- fied her spirits with fresh potations ; nay, she began to take notice that Mr Trunnion"'s constitution was very much broke, and seemed dissatisfied when people observed that they never saw him look better. Her frequent visits to the closet, where all her consolation was deposited, inspired the confederates with a device which had like to have been attended with tra- gical consequences. They found an opportunity to infuse jalap in one of her case bottles, and she took so largely of this medicine, that her constitution had well nigh sunk under the violence of its effects. She suffered a succession of fainting fits, that reduced her to the brink of the grave, in spite of all the remedies that were administered by a physician, who was called in the beginning of her disorder. After having exa- mined the symptoms, he declared that the patient had been poisoned with arsenic, and prescribed oily draughts and lu- bricating injections, to defend the coats of the stomach and intestines from the vellicating particles of that pernicious mi- neral ; at the same time hinting with a look of infinite saga- city, that it was not difficult to divine the whole mystery. He affected to deplore the poor lady, as if she was exposed to more attempts of the same nature ; thereby glancing ob^ liquely at the innocent commodore, whom the officious son of --Esculapius suspected as the author of this expedient, to rid his hands of a yoke-fellow for whom he was well known to have no great devotion. This impertinent and malicious insinuation made some impression upon the bystanders, and furnished ample field for slander to asperse the morals of Trunnion, who was represented through the whole district as a monster of barbarity. Nay, the sufferer herself, though she behaved with great decency and prudence, could not help entertaining some small diffidence of her husband ; not that she imagined he had any design upon her life, but that PEREGRIXE PICKLE. 75 he had been at pains to adulterate the brandy, with a view of detaching her from that favourite liquor. On this supposition she resolved to act with more caution for the future, without setting on foot any inquiry about the affair ; while the commodore, imputing her indisposition to some natural cause, after the danger was past, never bestow- ed a thought upon the subject ; so that the perpetrators were quit of their fear, which, however, had punished them so effectually, that they never would hazard any more jokes of the same nature. The shafts of their wit were now directed against the com- mander himself, whom they teased and terrified almost out of his senses. One day, while he was at dinner. Pipes came and told him that there was a person below that wanted to speak with him immediately about an affair of the greatest importance, that would admit of no delay ; upon which he ordered the stranger to be told that he was engaged, and that he must send up his name and business. To this de- mand he received for answer a message, importing that the person's name was unknown to him, and his business of such a nature, that it could not be disclosed to any one but the commodore himself, whom he earnestly desired to see with- out loss of time. Trunnion, surprised at this importunity, got up with great reluctance, in the middle of his meal, and descending to a parlour where the stranger was, asked him in a surly tone what he wanted with him in such a damn'd hurry, that he could not wait till he had made an end of his mess ? I'he other, not all disconcerted at this rough address, advanced close up to him on his tiptoes, and, with a look of confidence and conceit, laying his mouth to one side of the commodore's head, whispered softly in his ear, — ' sir, I am the attorney whom you wanted to converse with in private.' * The attor- ney !' cried Trunnion, staring and half choked with choler. ' Yes, sir, at your service,' replied this retainer to the law, ' and, if you please, the sooner we dispatch the affair the better, for it is an old observation, that delay breeds danger.* ' Truly, brother,' said the commodore, who could no longer 76 THE ADVENTURES OF contain himself, ' I do confess that I am very much of your way of thinking, d ye see ; and therefore you shall be dis- patched in a trice ;' so saying, he lifted up his walking staff, which was something between a crutch and a cudgel, and discharged it with such energy on the seat of the attorney ""s understanding, that, if there had been any thing but solid bone, the contents of his skull must have been evacuated. Fortified as he was by nature against all such assaults, he could not withstand the momentum of the blow, which in an instant laid him flat on the floor, deprived of all sense and motion ; and Trunnion hopped up stairs to dinner, ap- plauding himself in ejaculations all the way for the ven- geance he had taken on such an impudent pettifogging mis- creant. The attorney no sooner awaked from his trance, into which he had been «o unexpectedly lulled, than he cast his eyes around in quest of evidence, by which he might be enabled the more easily to prove the injury he had sustained ; but not a soul appearing, he made shift to get upon his legs again, and, with the blood trickling over his nose, followed one of the servants into the dining-room, resolved to come to an explanation with the assailant, and either extort money from him by way of satisfaction, or provoke him to a second ap- plication before witnesses. With this view he entered the room in a peal of clamour, to the amazement of all present, and the terror of Mrs Trunnion, who shrieked at the ap- pearance of such a spectacle ; and addressing himself to the commodore, ' I'll tell you what, sir,' said he, ' if there be law in England, Til make you smart for this here assault : you think you have screened yourself from a prosecution, by sending all your servants out of the way, but that circum- stance will appear upon trial to be a plain proof of the ma- lice prepense with which the fact was committed, especially when corroborated by the evidence of this here letter, under your own hand, whereby I am desired to come to your own liouse to transact an affair of consequence.' So saying, he produced the writing, and read the contents in these words:— PEREGRINE PICKLE. 77 * Mr Roger Ravine. * Sir, — Being in a manner prisoner in my own house, I desire you will give me a calJ precisely at three o'clocli in the afternoon, and insist upon seeing me yourself, as 1 have an affair of great consequence; in which your particular advice is wanted, by your humble servant, • Hawser Trunnion.' The one-eyed commander, who had been satisfied with the chastisement he had already bestowed upon the plaintiflf, hearing him read this audacious piece of forgery, which he considered as the effect of his own villany, started up from table, and seizing a huge turkey that lay in a dish before him, would have applied it, sauce and all, by way of poul- tice to his wound, had he not been restrained by Hatchway, who laid fast hold on both his arms, and fixed him to his chair again, advising the attorney to sheer off with what he had got. Far from following this salutary counsel, he re- doubled his threats, and set Trunnion at defiance, telling him he was not a man of true courage, although he had com- manded a ship of war, or else he would not have attacked any person in such a cowardly and clandestine manner. This provocation would have answered his purpose effectually, had not his adversary's indignation been repressed by the suggestions of the lieutenant, who desired his friend in a whisper to be easy, for he would take care to have the at- torney tossed in a blanket for his presumption. This pro- posal, which he received with great approbation, pacified him in a moment i he wiped the sweat from his forehead, and his features relaxed into a grim smile. Hatchway disappeared, and Ravine proceeded with great fluency of abuse, until he was interrupted by the arrival of Pipes, who, without any expostulation, led him out by the hand, and conducted him to the yard, where he was put into a carpet, and in a twinkling sent into the air by the strength and dexterity of five stout operators, whom the lieutenant had selected from the number of domestics for that singular spell of duty. In vain did the astonished vaifxter beg for the love of God and passion of Christ, that they would take pity upon him. 78 THE ADVENTURES OF and put an end to his involuntary gambols ; they were deaf to his prayers and protestations, even when he swore, in the most solemn manner, that, if they would cease tormenting him, he would forget and forgive what was past, and de- part in peace to his own habitation ; and continued the game till they were fatigued with the exercise. Ravine being dismissed in a most melancholy plight, brought an action of assault and battery against the com- modore, and subpoenaed all the servants as evidences in the cause ; but as none of them had seen what happened, he did not find his account in the prosecution, though he himself examined all the witnesses, and among other questions, asked, whether they had not seen him come in like another man ? and whether they had ever seen any other man in such a condition as that in which he had crawled off? but this last interrogation they were not obliged to answer, be- cause it had reference to the second discipline he had un- dergone, in which they, and they only, were concerned; and no person is bound to give testimony against himself. In short, the attorney was nonsuited, to the satisfaction of all who knew him, and found himself under the necessity of proving that he had received, in cotirse of post, the letter, which was declared in court a scandalous forgery, in order to prevent an indictment with which he was threatened by the commodore, who little dreamed that the whole affair had been planned and executed by Peregrine and his associates. The next enterprise in which this triumvirate engaged^ was a scheme to frighten Trunnion with an apparition, which they prepared and executed in this manner : — To the hide of a large ox. Pipes fitted a leathern vizor, of a most terrible appearance, stretched on the jaws of a shark, which he had brought from sea, and accommodated with a couple of broad glasses, instead of eyes. On the inside of these, he placed two rush-hghts, and with a composition of sulphiu* and saltpetre, made a pretty large fuse, which he fixed be- tween two rows of the teeth. This equipage being finished, he, one dark night chosen for the purpose, put it on, and following the commodore into a long passage, in which he PEREGRINE TICKLE. 79 was preceded by Perry with a light in his hand, kindled his fire-work with a match, and began to bellow like a bull. The boy, as it was concerted, looking behind him, screamed aloud, and dropped the light, which was extinguished in the fall : when Trunnion, alarmed at his nephew's conster- nation, exclaimed, — 'Zounds! what's the matter?' And, turning about to see the cause of his dismay, beheld a hide- ous phantom vomiting blue flame, which aggravated the hor- rors of its aspect. He was instantly seized with an agony of fear, which divested him of his reason : nevertheless, he, as it were mechanically, raised his trusty supporter in his own defence, and the apparition advancing towards him, aimed it at this dreadful annoyance with such a convulsive exertion of strength, that, had not the blow chanced to light upon one of the horns, Mr Pipes would have had no cause to value himself upon his invention. Misapplied as it was, he did not fail to stagger at the shock, and, dreading an- other such salutation, closed with the commodore, and hav- ing tripped up his heels, retreated with great expedition. It was then that Peregrine, pretending to recollect himself a little, ran with all the marks of disturbance and affright, and called up the servants to the assistance of their master, whom they found in a cold sweat upon the floor, his features betokening horror and confusion.. Hatchway raised him up, and, having comforted him with a cup of Nantz, began to inquire into the cause of his disorder ; but he could not ex- tract one word of answer from his friend, who, after a con- siderable pause, during which he seemed to be wrapped up in profound contemplation, pronounced aloud : — ' By the Lord ! Jack, you may say what you wool ; but I'll be damn'd if it was not Davy Jones himself. I know him by his saucer-eyes, his three rows of teeth, his horns and tail, and the blue smoke that came out of his nostrils. What does the blackguard hell's baby want with me ! I am sure I ne- ver committed murder, except in the way of my profession, nor wronged any man whatsomever since I first went to sea.' This same Davy Jones, according to the mythology of sailors, is the fiend that presides over all the evil spirits of 80 THE ADVENTURES OP the deep, and is often seen in various shcipcs, perching among the rigging on the eve of hurricanes, shipwrecks, and other disasters, to which a seafaring Hfe is exposed ; warn- ing the devoted wretch of death and woe. No wonder then that Trunnion was disturbed by a supposed visit of this de- mon, which in his opinion foreboded some dreadful calamity. CHAPTER XIV. He is also by their advice engaged in an adventure with the ex- ciseman^ who does not find his account in his own drollery. JHowsoEVER preposterous and unaccountable that passion may be, which prompts persons, otherwise generous and sympathising, to afflict and perplex their fellow-creatures, certain it is, our confederates entertained such a large pro- portion of it, that, not satisfied with the pranks they had already played, they still persecuted the commodore without ceasing. In the course of his own history, the particulars of which he delighted to recount, he had often rehearsed an adventure of deer-stealing, in which (during the unthinking impetuosity of his youth) he had been unfortunately concern- ed. Far from succeeding in that achievement, he and his as- sociates had (it seems) been made prisoners, after an obsti- nate engagement with the keepers, and carried before a neigh- bouring justice of the peace, who used Trunnion with great indignity, and with his companions committed him to jail. His own relations, and in particular an uncle, on whom he chiefly depended, treated him during his confinement with great rigour and inhumanity, and absolutely refused to inter- pose their influence in his behalf, unless he would sign a writing, obliging himself to go to sea within thirty days after his release, under the penalty of being proceeded against as a felon. The alternative was, either to undergo this volun- tary exile, or remain in prison, disowned and deserted by every body, and after all, suffer an ignominious trial, that might end in a sentence of transporation for life. He there- fore, without much hesitation, embraced the proposal of his PEREGRINE PICKLE. 81 kinsman, and (as he observed) was, in less than a month after his discharge, turned adrift to the mercy of the wind and waves. Since that period he had never maintained any correspon- dence with his relations, all of whom had concurred in send- ing him off; nor would he ever pay the least regard to the humiliations and supplications of some among them, who had prostrated themselves before him, on the advancement of his fortune ; but he retained a most inveterate resentment against his uncle, who was still in being, though extremely eld and infirm, and frequently mentioned his name with all the bitterness of revenge. Perry being perfectly well acquainted with the particulars of this story, which he had heard so often repeated, pro- posed to Hatchway, that a person should be hired to introduce himself to the commodore, with a supposititious letter of re- commendation from this detested kinsman ; an imposition that, in all likelihood, would afford abundance of diversion. The lieutenant relished the scheme, and young Pickle having composed an epistle for the occasion, the exciseman of the parish, a fellow of great impudence, and some humour, in whom Hatchway could confide, undertook to transcribe and deliver it with his own hand, and also personate the man in whose favour it was feigned to be writ. He accordingly one morning arrived on horseback at the garrison, two hours at least before Trunnion used to get up, and gave Pipes, who admitted him, to understand, that he had a letter for his master, which he was ordered to deliver to none but the commodore himself. This message was no sooner com- municated, than the indignant chief (who had been waked for the purpose) began to curse the messenger for breaking his rest, and swore he would not budge till his usual time of turning out. This resolution being conveyed to the stran- ger, he desired the carrier to go back and tell him, he had such joyful tidings to impart that he was sure the commo- dore would think himself amply rewarded for his trouble, even if he had been raised from the grave to receive them. This assurance, flattering as it was, would not have been Vol IL F 82 TIlK ADVENTURES OF powerful enough to persuade him, had it not been assisted with the exhortations of his spouse, which never failed to influence his conduct. He therefore crept out of bed, though not without great repugnance, and, wrapping himself in his morning gown, was supported down stairs, rubbing his eye, yawning fearfully, and grumbling all the way. As soon as he popped his head into the parlour, the supposed stranger made divers awkward bows, and with a grinning aspect ac- costed him in these words : ' Your most humble servant, most noble commodore ! I hope you are in good health ; you look pure and hearty, and, if it was not for that misfor- tune of your eye, one would not desire to see a more plea- sant countenance in a summer's day. Sure as I am a living soul, one would take you to be on this side of threescore. Laud help us ! I should have known you to be a Trunnion, if I had met with you in the midst of Salisbury plain, as the saying is.' The commodore, who was not at all in the hu- mour of relishing such an impertinent preamble, interrupted him in this place, saying, with a peevish accent, ' Pshaw ! pshaw ! brother, there's no occasion to bowss out so much unnecessary gum ; if you can't bring your discourse to bear on the right subject, yeu had much better clap a stopper on your tongue, and bring yourself up, d'ye see : I was told you had something to deliver.' * Deliver!' cried the waggish impostor, 'odds heart! I have got something for you that will make your very entrails rejoice within your body. Here's a letter from a dear and worthy friend of yours. Take, read it, and be happy. Blessings on his old heart ! one would think he had renewed his age, like the eagles.' Trun- nion's expectation being thus raised, he called for his spec- tacles, adjusted them to his eye, took the letter, and being curious to know the subscription, no sooner perceived his uncle's name, than he started back, his Up quivered, and he began to shake in every limb with resentment and surprise : nevertheless, eager to know the subject of an epistle from a person who had never before troubled him with any sort of address, he endeavoured to recollect himself, and perused the contents, which were these :— peregrixe pickle. s3 * Loving Nephew, * I doubt not but you will be rejoiced to hear of my welfare ; and well you may, considering what a kind uncle I have been to you in the days of your youth, and how little you deserved any such thing ; for you was always a graceless young man, given to wicked courses and bad company, whereby you would have come to a t^haraeful end, had it not been for my care in sending you out of mischief's way. But this is not the cause of my prei^ent Writing. The bearer, Mr Timothy Trickle, is a distant relation of yours, being the son of the cousin of your aunt Margery, and is not over and above well as to worldly matters. He thinks of going to London to seek for some post in the excise or customs, if so be that you will recommend him to some great man of your acquaintance, and give him a small matter to keep him till he is provided. 1 doubt not, nephew, but you will be glad to serve him, if it was no more but for the respect you bear to me, who am, loving nephew, your affectionate uncle, and servant to com- mand, * ToBiAH Trunnion.' It would be a difficult task for the inimitable Hogarth himself to exhibit the ludicrous expression of the commo- dore''s countenance, while he read this letter. It was not a stave of astonishment, a convulsion of rage, or a ghastly grin of revenge, but an association of all three, that took possession of his features. At length he hawked up, with incredible straining, the interjection ah ! that seemed to have stuck some time in his windpipe, and thus gave vent to his indignation ; ' Have I come alongside of you at last, you old stinking curmudgeon ! you lie, you lousy hulk, you lie — you did all in your power to founder me when I was a stripUng ; and, as for being graceless, and wicked, and keep- ing bad company, you tell a damned lie again, you thief; there was not a more peaceable lad in the county, and I kept no bad company but your own, d'ye see. Therefore, you Trickle, or what's your name, tell the old rascal that sent you hither, that I spit in his face, and call him horse ; that I tear his letter into rags, so ; and that I trample upon it as I would upon his own villanous carcase, d'ye see.' So saying, he danced in a sort of frenzy upon the fragments of the paper, which he had scattered about the room, to the inexpressible satisfaction of the triumvirate, who beheld the scene. 8i THE ADVENTURES OF The exciseman having got between him and the door, xvhich was left open for his escape, in case of necessity, af- fected great confusion and surprise of his behaviour, saying, with an air of mortification, — *" lord be merciful unto me ! is this the way you treat your own relations, and the recom- mendation of your best friend ! Surely all gratitude and vir- tue have left this sinful world ! What will cousin Tim, and Dick, and Tom, and good mother Pipkin, and her daugh- ters, cousin Sue, and Prue, and Peg, with all the rest of our kinsfolk, say, when they hear of this unconscionable recep- tion that I have met with ? Consider, sir, that ingratitude is worse than the sin of witchcraft, as the apostle wisely ob- serves ; and do not send me away with such unchristian usage, which will lay a heavy load of guilt upon your poor miserable soul.' ' What, you are on a cruise for a post, brother Trickle, an't ye !' said Trunnion, interrupting him, * we shall find a post for you in a trice, my boy. Here Pipes, take this saucy son of a bitch, belay him to the whipping- post in the yard. I'll teach you to rouse me in the morn- ing with such impertinent messages.' Pipes, who wanted to carry the joke farther than the exciseman dreamed of, laid hold of him in a twinkling, and executed the orders of his commander, notwithstanding all his nods, winking, and significant gestures, which the boatswain's mate would by no means understand; so that he began to repent of the part he acted in this performance, which was like to end so tragically, and stood fastened to the stake, in a very dis- agreeable state of suspense, casting many a rueful look over his left shoulder (while Pipes was absent in quest of a cat- and-nine-tails), in expectation of being relieved by the in- terposition of the lieutenant, who did not, however, appear. Tom, retiurning with the instrument of correction, undressed the delinquent in a trice, and whispering in his ear, that he was very sorry for being employed in such an oflSce, but durst not for his soul disobey the orders of his commander, flourished the scourge about his head, and, with admirable dexterity, made such a smarting application to the offender's back and shoulders, that the distracted gauger performed PEREGRINE PICKLE. 85 sundry new cuts with his feet, and bellowed hideously with pain, to the infinite satisfaction of the spectators. At length, when he was almost flea'd from his rump to the nape of his neck, Hatchway, who had purposely absented himself hi- therto, appeared in the yard, and interposing in his behalf, prevailed upon Trunnion to call off the executioner, and or- dered the malefactor to be released. The exciseman, mad with the catastrophe he had under- gone, threatened to be revenged upon his employers, by mak- ing a candid confession of the whole plot ; but the lieutenant giving him to understand, that, in so doing, he would bring upon himself a prosecution for fraud, forgery, and impos- ture, he was fain to put up with his loss, and sneaked out of the garrison, attended with a volley of curses discharged upon him by the commodore, who was exceedingly irritated by the disturbance and disappointment he had undergone. CHAPTER XV. The Commodore detects the machinations of the conspirators^ and hires a tutor for Peregrine, whom he settles at Win- chester school. J. HIS was not the least affliction he suffered from the un- wearied endeavours and unexhausted invention of his tor- mentors, who harassed him with such a variety of mischievous pranks, that he began to think all the devils in hell had con- spired against his peace, and accordingly became very serious and contemplative on the subject. In the course of his meditations, when he recollected and compared the circumstances of every mortification to which he had been lately exposed, he could not help suspecting that some of them must have been contrived to vex him ; and as he was not ignorant of his lieutenant's disposition, nor un- acquainted with the talents of Peregrine, he resolved to ob- serve them both for the future with the utmost care and cir- cumspection. This resolution, aided by the incautious con- duct of the conspirators, whom, by this time, success had lendered heedless and indiscreet, was attended with the de= 86 THK ADVENTURES OF sired effect. He in a little time detected Perry in a new plot, and by dint of a little chastisement, and a great many threats, extorted from him a confession of all the contrivances in which he had been concerned. The commodore was thunderstruck at the discovery, and so much incensed against Hatchway for the part he had acted in the whole, that he de- liberated with himself, whether he should demand satisfaction with sword and pistol, or dismiss him from the garrison, and renounce all friendship with him at once. But he had been so long accustomed to Jack's company, that he could not live without him ; and, upon more cool reflection, perceiv- ing that what he had done was rather the effect of wanton- ness than malice, which he himself would have laughed to see take place upon any other person, he determined to de- vour his chagrin, and extend his forgiveness even to Pipesi, whom, in the first sally of his passion, he had looked upon in a more criminal light than that of a simple mutineer. This determination was seconded by another, which he thought absolutely necessary for his own repose, and in which his own interest and that of his nephew concurred. Peregrine, who was now turned of twelve, had made such advances under the instruction of Jennings that he often disputed upon grammar, and was sometimes thought to have the better in his contests with the parish priest, who, not- withstanding this acknowledged superiority of his antagonist, did great justice to his genius, which he assured Mr Trun- nion would be lost for want of cultivation, if the boy was not immediately sent to prosecute his studies at some proper seminary of learning. This maxim had been more than once inculcated upon the commodore by ]\Irs Trunnion, who, over and above the de- ference she paid to the jiarson's opinion, had a reason of her own for wishing to see the house clear of Peregrine, at whose prying disposition she began to be very uneasy. Induced by these motives, which were joined by the solicitation of the youth himself, who ardently longed to see a little more of the world, his uncle determined to send him forthwith to Winchester, under the immediate care and inspection of A ! PEREGRINE PICKLE. 87 governor, to whom he allowed a very handsome appoint- ment for that purpose. This gentleman, whose name was Mr Jacob Jolter, had been schoolfellow with the parson of the parish, who recommended !iim to Mrs Trunnion as a per- son of great worth and learning, in every respect qualified for the office of a tutor. He likewise added, by way of eu- logium, that he was a man of exemplary piety, and particu- larly zealous for the honour of the church of which he was a member, having been many years in holy orders, though he did not then exercise any function of the priesthood. In- deed Mr Joiter''s zeal was so exceedingly fervent, as on some occasions to get the better o! his discretion ; for, being an high churchman, and of consequi^nce a malcontent, his resentment was habituated into an insurmountable prejudice against the present disposition of affairs, which, by confounding the na- tion with the ministry, sometimes led liim into erroneous, not to say absurd, calculations ; otherwise a man of good morals, well versed in mathematics and school divinity, stu- dies which had not at all contributed to sweeten and unbend the natural sourness and severity of his complexion. This gentleman being destined to the charge of superin- tending Perry's education, every thing was prepared for their departure ; and Tom Pipes, in consequence of his own peti- tion, put into livery, and appointed footman to the young 'squire. But, before they set out, the commodore paid the compliment of communicating his design to Mr Pickle, who approved of the plan, though he durst not venture to see the boy ; so much was he intimidated by the remonstrances of his wife, whose aversion to her first-born became every day more inveterate and unaccountable. This unnatural caprice seemed to be supported by a consideration which (one would imagine) might have rather vanquished her disgust. Her second son Gam, who was now in the fourth year of his age, had been rickety from the cradle, and as re- markably unpromising in appearance as Perry was agreeable in his person. As the deformity increased, the mother's fondness was augmented, and the virulence of her hate against the other son seemed to prevail in the same proportion. S3 THE ADVKNTUIIES OF Far from allowing Perry to enjoy the common privileges of a child, she would not suffer him to approach his father's house, expressed uneasiness whenever his name happened to be mentioned, sickened at his praise, and in all respects behaved like a most rancorous stepmother. Though she no longer retained tliat ridiculous notion of his being an impos- tor, she still continued to abhor him, as if she really believed him to be such ! and when any person desired to know the cause of her surprising dislike, she alv/ays lost her temper, and peevishly replied, that she had reasons of her own, which she was not obliged to declare ; nay, so much was she affect- ed by this vicious partiality, that she broke off all commerce with her sister-in-law and the commodore, because they fa- voured the poor child with their countenance and protection. Her malice, however, was frustrated by the love and ge- nerosity of Trunnion, who, having adopted him as his own son, equipped him accordingly,- and carried him and his go- vernor in his own coach to the place of destination, where they were settled on a very genteel footing, and every thing regulated according to their desires. Mrs Trunnion behaved with great decency at the de- parture of her nephew, to whom, with a great many pious advices and injunctions to behave with submission and re- verence towards his tutor, she presented a diamond ring of small value, and a gold medal, as tokens of her affection and esteem. As for the lieutenant, he accompanied them in the coach ; and such was the friendship he had contracted for Perry, that, when the commodore proposed to return, after having accomplished the intent of his journey. Jack abso- lutely refused to attend him, and signified his resolution to stay where he was. Trunnion was the more startled at this declaration, as Hatchway was become so necessary to him in almost all the purposes of his life, that he foresaw he should not be able to exist without his company. Not a little affected with this consideration, he turned his eye ruefully upon the lieu- tenant, saying, in a piteous tone, — ' what ! leave me at last. Jack, {liter wc have weathered so many hard gales together ? PEREGRINE PICKLE. 89 Damn my limbs ! I thought you had been more of an honest heart : I looked upon you as my foremast, and Tom Pipes as my mizen ; now he is carried away ; if so be as you go too, my standing rigging being decayed, d'ye see, the first squall will bring me by the board. Damn ye, if in case I have given offence, can't you speak above board, and I shall make you amends.' Jack being ashamed to own the true situation of his thoughts, after some hesitation, answered with perplexity and incoherence, — ' No, damme ! that an't the case neither ; to be sure you always used me in an officer-like manner, that I must own, to give the devil his due, as the saying is ; but for all that, this here is the case, I have some thoughts of go- ing to school myself to learn your Latin lingo ; for, as the saying is, better late 7nend than never ; and I am informed as how one can get more for the money here than any where else.' In vain did Trunnion endeavour to convince him of the folly of going to school at his years, by representing that the boys would make game of him, and that he would become a laughing-stock to all the world ; he persisted in his reso- lution to stay, and the commodore was fain to have recourse to the mediation of Pipes and Perry, who employed their in- fluence with Jack, and at last prevailed upon him to return to the garrison, after Trunnion had promised he should be at liberty to visit them once a month. This stipulation be- ing settled, he and his friend took leave of the pupil, gover- nor, and attendant, and next morning set out for their habi- tation, which they reached in safety that same night. Such was Hatchway's reluctance to leave Peregrine, that he is said, for the first time in his life, to have looked misty at parting : certain I am, that, on the road homewards, after a long pause of silence, which the commodore never dreamed of interrupting, he exclaimed all of a sudden, ' FU be damn'd if the dog han't given me some stuff to make me love him.' Indeed there was something congenial in the disposition of these two friends, which never failed to mani- fest itself in the sequel, howsoever different their education, prcumstances, and connections, happened to be. 90 THE ADVENTURES OF CHAPTER XVI. Peregrine distingnislies himself among his scliool-fdloxcs^ ex- poses his tutor, and attracts the particular notice of the master. 1 iius left to the prosecution of his studies, Peregrine was in a little time a distinguished character, not only for his acute- ness of apprehension, but also for that mischievous fertility of fancy, of which we have already given such pregnant ex- amples. But, as there was a great number of such lumi- naries in this new sphere to which he belonged, his talents were not so conspicuous, v/hile they shone in his single capa- city, as they afterwards appeared, when they concentered and reflected the rays of the whole constellation. At first he conlined himself to piddling game, exercising his genius upon his own tutor, who attracted his attention, by endeavouring to season his mind with certain political maxims, the fallacy of which he had discernment enough to perceive. Scarce a day passed in which he did not find means to render Mr Jolter the object of ridicule ; his violent prejudices, ludicrous vanity, awkward solemnity, and igno- rance of mankind, afforded continual food for the raillery, petulance, and satire, of his pupil, who never neglected an op- portunity of laughing, and making others laugh at his expense. Sometimes, in their parties, by mixing brandy in his wine, he decoyed this pedagogue into a debauch, during which his caution forsook him, and he exposed himself to the cen- sure of the company. Sometimes, when the conversation turned upon intricate subjects, he practised upon him the Socratic method of confutation, and, under pretence of being informed, by an artful train of puzzling questions, insensibly betrayed him into self-contradiction. All the remains of authority which he had hitherto preserv- ed over Peregrine soon vanished; so that, for the future, no sort of ceremony subsisted betwixt them, and all Mr Joker's precepts were conveyed in hints of friendly advice, which the other might either follow or neglect at his own pleasure. No wonder then that Peregrine gave a loose to his incliua- PEREGRINE PICKLL",. 91 tions, and by dint of genius, and an enterprising temper, made a figure among the younger class of heroes in the school. Before he had been a full year at Winchester, he had signalized himself in so many achievements in defiance to the laws and regulations of the place, that he was looked upon with admiration, and actually chosen duo:, or leader, by a large body of his contemporaries. It was not long before his fame reached the ears of his master, who sent for Mr Jolter, communicated to him the informations he had received, and desired him to check the vivacity of his charge, and redouble his vigilance in time to come, else he should be obliged to make a public example of his pupil for the benefit of the school. The governor, conscious of his own unimportance, was not a little disconcerted at this injunction, which it was not in his power to fulfil by any compulsive means. He there- fore went home in a very pensive mood, and, after mature deliberation, resolved to expostulate with Peregrine in the most familiar terms, and endeavour to dissuade him from practices which might affect his character as well as inte- rest. He accordingly frankly told him the subject of the master's discourse, represented the disgrace he might incur by neglecting this warning, and, putting him in mind of his own situation, hinted the consequences of the commodore's displeasure, in case he should be brought to disapprove of his conduct. These insinuations made the greater impres- sion, as they were delivered with many expressions of friend- ship and concern. The young gentleman was not so raw but that he could perceive the solidity of Mr Joker's ad- vice, to which he promised to conform, because his pride was interested in the affair; and he considered his own re- formation as the only means of avoiding that infamy which (even in idea) he could not bear. His governor, finding him so reasonable, profited by these moments of reflection, and, in order to prevent a relapse, proposed that he should engage in some delightful study, that would agreeably amuse his imagination, and gradually DiJ THE ADVE>:TUnK& OF detach him from those connections which had involved him in so many troublesome adventures. For this purpose, he, with many rapturous encomiums, recommended the mathe- matics, as yielding more rational and sensible pleasure to a youthful fancy than any other subject of contemplation, and actually began to read Euclid with him that same af- ternoon. Peregrine entered upon this branch of learning with all that warmth of application which boys commoniy yield on the first change of study ; but he had scarce advanced be- yond the iwns asinorum when his ardour abated ; the test of truth by demonstration did not elevate him to those tran- sjjorts of joy with which his preceptor had regaled his ex- pectation ; and before he arrived, at the fortieth-and-seventh proposition, he began to yawn drearily, make abundance of wry faces, and thought himself but indifierently paid for his attention, when he shared the vast discovery of Pytha- goras, and understood that the square of the hjpothenuse was equal to the squares of the other two sides of a right- angied triangle. He was ashamed, however, to fail in his undertaking, and persevered with great industry, until he liad finiiihed the first four books, acquired plain trigonome- try, with the method of algebraical calculation, and made himself well acquainted with the principles of surveying. Eut no consideration could prevail upon him to extend his inquiries farther in this science, and he returned with double relish to his former avocations, like a stream, which, being dammed, accumulates more force, and bursting over its mounds, rushes down with double impetuosity. Mr Jolter saw with astonishment and chagrin, but could not resist the torrent. His behaviour was now no other than a series of license and effrontery ; prank succeeded prank, and outrage followed outrage, with surprising velocity. Complaints were every day preferred against him ; in vaiji were admonitions bestowed by the governor in private, and menaces discharged by the masters in public ; he disre- garded the first, despised the latter, divested himself of all manner of restraint, and proceeded in his career to such a PEREGRINE PICKLE. 03 pitch of audacity, that a consultation was held upon the sub- ject, in which it was determined that this untoward spirit should be humbled by a severe and ignominious flogging for the very next offence he should commit. In the meantime, Mr Jolter was desired to write in the master's name to the commodore, requesting him to remove Tom Pipes from the person of his nephew, the said Pipes being a principal actor and abettor in all his malversations ; and to put a stop to the monthly visitations of the mutilated lieutenant, who had never once failed to use his permission, but came punctual to a day, always fraught with some new invention. Indeed, by this time, Mr Hatchway was as well known, and much better beloved by every boy in the school, than the master who instructed him, and always received by a number of scholars, who used to attend Peregrine when he went forth to meet his friend, and conduct him to his lodging with public testimonies of joy and applause. As for Tom Pipes, he was not so properly the attendant of Peregrine as master of the revels to the whole school. He mingled in all their parties, and superintended their di- versions, deciding between boy and boy, as if he acted by commission under the great seal. He regulated their motions by his whistle, instructed the young boys in the games of hustle-cap, leap-frog, and chuck-farthing ; impart- ed to those of a more advanced age, the sciences of cribbage and all-fours, together with the method of storming the castle, acting the comedy of Prince Arthur, and other pan- tomimes, as they are commonly exhibited at sea ; and in- structed the seniors, who were distinguished by the appel- lation of bloods, in cudgel-playing, dancing the St Giles''s hornpipe, drinking flip, and smoking tobacco. These qua- lifications had rendered him so necessary and acceptable to the scholars, that, exclusive of Perry's concern in the af^ fair, his dismission, in all probability, would have produced some dangerous convulsion in the community. Jolter, therefore, knowing his importance, informed his pupil of the directions he had received, and very candidly asked how he should demean himself in the execution ; for he durst not 94 THE ADVENTUllES 0^ write to the commodore without this previous notice, fearing that the young gentleman, as soon as he should get an ink- ling of the affair, would follow the example, and make his uncle acquainted with certain anecdotes, which it was the governor's interest to keep concealed. Peregrine was of opi- nion, that he should spare himself the trouble of conveying any complaints to the commodore ; and if questioned by the master, assure him he had complied with his desire ; at the same time he promised faithfully to conduct himself with such circumspection for the future, that the masters should have no temptation to revive the inquiry. But the reso- lution attending this extorted promise was too frail to last, and, in less than a fortnight, our young hero found himself entangled in an adventure, from which he was not extricated with his usual good fortune. CHAPTER XVII. He is concerned in a dangerous adventure xoith a certain gardener — sublimes his ideas, commences gallant^ and he- comes acquainted with Miss Emily Gauntlet. xIe and some of his companions one day entered a garden in the suburbs, and having indulged their appetites, desired to know what satisfaction they must make for the fruit they had pulled. The gardener demanded what (in their opi- nion) was an exorbitant price, and they, with many oppro- brious terms, refused to pay it. The peasant being surly and untractable, insisted upon his right ; neither was he deficient nor sparing in the eloquence of vulgar abuse. His guests attempted to retreat ; a scuffle ensued, in which Peregrine lost his cap ; and the gardener, being in danger, from the number of his foes, called to his wife to let loose the dog, who instantly flew to his master's assistance, and, after having tore the leg of one, and the shoulder of another, put the whole body of the scholars to flight. Enraged at the indignity which had been offered them, they solicited a reinforcement of their friends, and, with Tom Pipes at their PEREGRINE PICKLE. 9-5 head, marched back to the field of battle. Their adversary seeing them approach, called his apprentice, who worked at the other end of the ground, to his assistance, armed him with a mattock, while he himself wielded an hoe, bolted his door on the inside, and, flanked with his man and mastiff, waited the attack without flinching. He had not remained three minutes in this posture of defence, when Pipes, who acted as the enemy's forlorn hope, advanced to the gate with great intrepidity, and clapping his foot to the door, which was none of the stoutest, with the execution and dispatch of a petard, split it into a thousand pieces. This sudden execution had an immediate effect upon the 'pren- tice, who retreated with great precipitation, and escaped at a postern. But the master placed himself hke another Hercules in the breach ; and when Pipes, brandishing his cudgel, stepped forward to engage him, levelled his wea- pon with such force and dexterity at his head, that, had the scull been made of penetrable stuff", the iron edge must have cleft his pate in twain. Casemated as he was, the in- strument cut sheet even to the bone, on which it struck with such amazing violence, that sparks of real fire were produced by the collision. And let not the incredulous reader pretend to doubt the truth of this phenomenon, until he shall have first perused the ingenious Peter Kolben's Natural History of the Cape of Good Hope, where the inhabitants commonly use to strike fire with the shin-bones of lions, which have been killed in that part of Africa. Pipes, though a little disconcerted, far from being dis- abled by the blow, in a trice retorted the compliment with his truncheon ; which, had not his antagonist expe- ditiously slipped his head aside, would have laid him breathless across his own threshold ; but, happily for him, he received the salutation upon his right shoulder, which crashed beneath the stroke, and the hoe dropped instantly from his tingling hand. Tom perceiving, and being unwill- ing to forego the advantage he had gained, darted his head into the bosom of this son of earth, and overturned him on the plain, being himself that instant assaulted by the 9G illE ADVENTUUES OF mastifl', who fastened upon the outside of his thigh. FecL ing himself incommoded by this assailant in his rear, he quitted the prostrate gardener to the resentment of his as- sociates, who poured upon him in sholes, and, turning about, laid hold with both his hands of this ferocious ani- mal's throat, which he squeezed with such incredible force and perseverance, that the creature quitted his hold, his tongue lolled out of his jaws, the blood started from his eyes, and he swung a lifeless trunk between the hands of his vanquisher. It was well for his master that he did not longer exist ; for by this time he was overwhelmed by such a multitude of foes, that his whole body scarce afforded points of contact to all the fists that drummed upon it, consequently, to use a vul- gar phrase, his wind was almost knocked out, before Pipes had leisure to interpose in his behalf, and persuade his of- fenders to desist, by representing that the wife had gone to alarm the neighbourhood, and that in all probability they would be intercepted in their return. They accordingly listened to his remonstrances, and marched homewards in triumph, leaving the gardener in the embraces of his mother earth, from which he had no power to move when he was found by his disconsolate helpmate and some friends, whom she had assembled for his assistance. Among these was a blacksmith and farrier, who took cognizance of his carcase, every limb of which having examined, he declared there was no bone broke, and, taking out his fleam, blooded him plentifully as he lay. He was then conveyed to his bed, from which he was not able to stir during a whole month. His family coming upon the parish, a formal com- plaint was made to the master of the school, and Peregrine represented as the ringleader of those who committed this barbarous assault. An inquiry was immediately set on foot, and the articles of impeachment being fully proved, our hero was sentenced to be severely chastised in the face of the whole school. This was a disgrace, the thoughts of which his proud heart could not brook. He resolved to make his elopement rather than undergo the punishment to ^KREfiRINE PICKLE. 97 tvliich he was cloomed ; and having signified his sentiments to his confederates, tliey promised, one and all, to stand by him, and either screen him from the chastisement, or share liis fate. Confiding in this friendly protestation, he appeared un- concerned on the day that was appointed for his punish- ment ; and, when he was called to his destiny, advanced towards the scene, attended by the greatest part of the scholars, who intimated their determination to the master, and proposed that Peregrine should be forgiven. The supe- rior behaved with that dignity of demeanour which became his place, represented the folly and presumption of their demand, reprehended them for their audacious proceeding, and ordered every boy to his respective station. They obeyed his command, and our unfortunate hero was publicly horsed, in terrorem of all whom it might concern. This disgrace had a very sensible effect upon the mind of Peregrine, who having by this time passed the fourteenth year of his age, began to adopt the pride and sentiments of a man. Thus dishonourably stigmatized, he was ashamed to appear in public as usual ; he was incensed against his companions for their infidelity and irresolution, and plunged into a profound reverie that lasted several weeks, during which he shook off his boyish connections, and fixed his view upon objects which he thought more worthy of his attention. In the course of his gymnastic exercises, at which he was very expert, he contracted intimacies with several youths who were greatly his superiors in point of age, and who, pleased with his aspiring genius and address, introduced Iiim into parties of gallantry which strongly captivated his inclination. He was by nature particularly adapted for succeeding in adventures of this kind ; over and above a most engaging person, that improved with his years, he possessed a dignified assurance, an agreeable ferocity, which enhanced the conquest of the fair who had the good fortune to enslave him, unlimited generosity, and a fund of humour which never failed to please. Nor was he deficient in the Vol IL G 98 THE ADVENTURES OF more solid accomplishments of youth : he had profited in hia studies beyond expectation, and besides that sensibility of dis- cernment which is the foundation of taste, and in conse- quence of which, he distinguished and enjoyed the beauties of the classics, he had already given several specimens of a very promising poetic talent. With this complexion and these qualifications, no wonder that our hero attracted the notice and affections of the young Delias in town, whose hearts had just begun to flutter for they knew not what. Inquiries were made concerning his condition ; and no sooner were his expectations known, than he was invited and caressed by all the parents, while their daughters vied with each other in treating him with par- ticular complacency. He inspired love and emulation wherever he appeared; envy and jealous rage followed of course ; so that he became a very desirable, though a very dangerous, acquaintance. His moderation was not equal to his success : his vanity took the lead of his passions, dissi- pating his attention, which might otherwise have fixed him to one object ; and he was possessed with the rage of in- creasing the number of his conquests. With this view he frequented public walks, concerts, and assemblies, became remarkably rich and fashionable in his clothes, gave enter- tainments to the ladies, and was in the utmost hazard of turning out a most egregious coxcomb. While his character thus wavered between the ridicule of some, and the regard of others, an accident happened, which, by contracting his view to one object, detached hira from those vain pursuits that would in time have plunged him into an abyss of folly and contempt. Being one even- ing at the ball which is always given to the ladies at the time of the races, the person who acted as master of the ceremo- nies, knowing how fond Mr Pickle was of every opportunity to display himself, came up and told him that there was a fine young creature at the other end of the room, who seemed to have a great inclination to dance a minuet, but wanted a partner, tlie gentleman who attended her being in boots. I'EREGIIIKE MCKLE. 99 Peregrine's vanity being aroused at this intimation, he went up to reconnoitre the young lady, and was struck with admiration at her beauty. She seemed to be of his own age, was tall, and though slender, exquisitely shaped ; her hair was auburn, and in such plenty^ that the barbarity of dress had not been able to prevent it from shading both sides of her forehead, which was high and polished ; the con- tour of her face was oval, her nose very little raised in the aquiline form, that contributed to the spirit and dignity of her aspect ; her mouth was small, her lips plump, juicy, and delicious, her teeth regular and white as driven snow, her complexion incredibly delicate and glowing with health, and her full blue eyes beamed forth vivacity and love. Her mein was at the same time commanding and engaging, her address perfectly genteel, and her whole appearance so captivating, that our young Adonis looked, and was over- come. He no sooner recollected himself from his astonishment, - than he advanced to her with a graceful air of respect, and begged she would do him the honour to walk a minuet with him. She seemed particularly pleased with his application, and very frankly complied with his request. The pair was too remarkable to escape the particular notice of the com- pany ; Mr Pickle was well known by almost eveiy body in the room ; but his partner was altogether a new face, and of consequence underwent the criticism of all the ladies in the assembly ; one whispered, she has a good complexion, but don't you think she is a little awry ? a second pitied her for her masculine nose; a third observed, that she was awkward for want of seeing company ; a fourth distinguished something very bold in her countenance ; and, in short, there was not a beauty in her whole composition which the glass of envy did not pervert into a blemish. The men, however, looked upon her with different eyes ; among them her appearance produced an universal murmur of applause ; they encircled the space on v/hich she danced, and were enchanted by her graceful motion. While they launched out in the praise of her, they expressed their dif?- 100 THE ADTKNTUllES OF pleasure at the good fortune of her partner, whom they damned for a Uttle finical coxcomb, that was too much en- grossed by the contemplation of his own person, to discern or deserve the favour of his fate. He did not hear, therefore could not repine at these invectives ; but while they ima- gined he indulged his Tanity, a much more generous pas- sion had taken possession of his heart. Instead of that petulance of gaiety, for which he had been distinguished in his public appearance, he now gave mani- fest signs of confusion and concern ; he danced with an anxiety which impeded his performance, and blushed to the eyes at every false step he made. Though this extraor- dinary agitation was overlooked by the men, it could not escape the observation of the ladies, who perceived it with equal surprise and resentment ; and when Peregrine led tliis fair unknown to her seat, expressed their pique in an af- fected titter, which broke from every mouth at the same in- stant, as if all of them had been informed by the same spirit. Peregrine was nettled at this unmannerly mark of disap- probation, and in order to increase their chagrin, endea- voured to enter into particular conversation with their fair rival. The young lady herself, who neither wanted pene- tration, nor the consciousness of her own accomplishments, resented their behaviour, though she triumphed at the cause of it ; and gave her partner all the encouragement he could desire. Her mother, who was present, thanked him for his civiUty, in taking such notice of a stranger, and he received a compliment of the same nature from the young gentleman in boots, who was her own brother. If he was charmed with her appearance, he was quite ra- vished with her discourse, which was sensible, spirited, and gay. Her frank and sprightly demeanour, excited his own confidence and good humour ; and he described to her the characters of those females who had honoured them with such a spiteful mark of distinction, in terms so replete with hu- mourous satire, thrit she seemed to listen with particular com- placency of attention, and distinguished every nymph thus ridiculed with such a significant glance as overwhelmed her PEREGRINE PICKLE. 101 ■with chagrin and mortification. In short, they seemed to relish each other's conversation, during which our young Damon acquitted himself with great skill in all the duties of gallantry ; he laid hold of proper opportunities to express his admiration of her charms, had recourse to the silent rhetoric of tender looks, breathed divers insidious sighs, and attached himself wholly to her during the remaining part of the entertainment. When the company broke up, he attended her to her lodgings, and took leave of her with a squeeze of the hand, after having obtained permission to visit her next morning, and been informed by the mother that her name was Miss Emilia Gauntlet. All night long he closed not an eye, but amused himself with plans of pleasure, which his imagination suggested, in consequence of this new acquaintance. He rose with the lark, adjusted his hair into an agreeable negligence of curl, and dressing himself in a genteel grey frock, trimmed with silver binding, waited with the utmost impatience for the hour of ten, which no sooner struck, than he hied him to the place of appointment, and, inquiring for Miss Gauntlet, was shewn into a parlour. Here he had not waited above ten minutes, when Emilia entered in a most enchanting un- dress, with all the graces of nature playing about her per- son, and in a moment rivetted the chains of his slavery beyond the power of accident to unbind. Her mother being still a- bed, and her brother gone to give orders about the chaise, in which they proposed to return that same day to their own habitation, he enjoyed her company tete a tete a whole hour, during which he declared his love in the most passionate terms, and begged that he might be admitted into the number of those admirers whom she permitted to visit and adore her. She affected to look upon his vows and protestations as the ordinary effects of gallantry, and very obligingly as- sured him, that, were she to live in that-place, she should be glad to see him often ; but, as the spot on which she re- sided was at a considerable distance, she could not expect 102 THE ADVEKTUUES Oi'' he would go so far upon such a trifling occasion, as to take the trouble of providing himself with her mamma's permis- sion. To this favourable hint he answered with all the eagerness of the most fervid passion, that he had uttered nothing but the genuine dictates of his heart ; that he desired nothing so much as an opportunity of evincing the sincerity of his professions ; and that, though she lived at the extremity of the kingdom, he would find means to lay himself at her feet, provided he could visit her with her mother's consent, which l^e assured her he would not fail to solicit. She then gave him to understand, that her habitation was about sixteen miles from Winchester, in a village which she named, and where (as he could easily collect from her dis- course) he would be no unwelcome guest. In the midst of this communication they were joined by Mrs Gauntlet, who received him with great courtesy, thank- ing him again for his politeness to Emy at the ball, and anticipated his intentions, by saying that she should be very glad to see him at her house, if ever his occasions ahould call him that way. CHAPTER XVIII. He inquires into the situation of the young lady, with zvhovi he is enamoured — Elopes from school — Is Jound by the lieutenant, coiivcijed to Winchester, and sends a letter with a copy of verses to his mistress. jHe was transported with pleasure at the invitation, which he assured her he should not neglect ; and, after a little more conversation on general topics, took his leave of the charming Emilia, and her prudent mamma, who had per- ceived the first emotions of Mr Pickle's passion for her daughter, and been at some pains to inquire about his family and fortune. Neither was Peregrine less inquisitive about the situation and pedigree of his new mistress, who, he learned, was the only daughter of a field-officer, who died before he had it in PEREGRINE PICKLE. 103 his power to make suitable provision for his children ; that the widow lived in a frugal, though decent manner, on her pension, assisted by the bounty of her relations ; that the son carried arms as a volunteer in the company which his father had commanded ; and that Emilia had been educated in London at the expense of a rich uncle, who was seized with the whim of marrying at the age of fifty-five ; in con- sequence of which, his niece had returned to her mother, without any visible dependence, except on her own conduct and qualifications. This account, though it could not diminish his affection, nevertheless alarmed his pride; for his warm imagination had exaggerated all his own prospects, and he began to fear that his passion for Emilia might be thought to dero- gate from the dignity of his situation : the struggle between his interest and love produced a perplexity which had an evident effect upon his behaviour ; he became pensive, soli- tary, and peevish, avoided all public diversions, and grew so remarkably negligent in his dress, that he was scarce dis- tinguishable by his own acquaintance. This contention of thoughts continued several weeks, at the end of which the charms of Emiha triumphed over every other consideration. Having received a supply of money from the commodore, who acted towards him with great generosity, he ordered Pipes to put up some linen, and other necessaries, in a sort of knapsack, which he could conveniently carry, and, thus attended, set out early one morning on foot for the village where his charmer lived, at which he arrived before two o'clock in the afternoon ; having chosen this method of tra- veiling, that his route might not be so easily discovered, as it must have been, had he hired horses, or taken a place in the stage coach. The first thing he did was to secure a convenient lodging at the inn where he dined ; then he shifted himself, and, ac- cording to the direction he had received, went to the house of Mrs Gauntlet in a transport of joyous expectation. As he approached the gate, his agitation increased, he knocked with impatience and concern, the door opened, and he had 104 THE ADVENTURES OI' actually asked if ]VIrs Gauntlet was at home, before he per- ceived that the portress was no other tb.an liis dear Emilia. She was not without emotion at the unexpected sight of her lover, who instantly recognizing his charmer, obeyed the irresistible impulse of his love, and caught the fair creature in his arms. Nor did she seem offended at this forward- ness of behaviour, which might have displeased another of a less open disposition, or less used to the freedom of a sen- sible education ; but her natural frankness had been encou- raged and improved by the easy and familiar intercourse in which she had been bred ; and therefore, instead of repri- manding him with a severity of look, she wich great good humour rallied him upon his assurance, which she observed, was undoubtedly the effect of his own conscious merit, and conducted him into a parlour, where he found her mother, who in very polite terms cxpi'cssed her satisfaction at see- ing him within her house. After tea, IMiss Emy proposed an evening walk, which they enjoyed through a variety of little copses and lawns, watered by a most romantic stream, that quite enchanted the imagination of Peregrine. It was late before they returned from this agreeable ex- cursion ; and when our lover wished the ladies good night, Mrs Gauntlet insisted upon his staying to supper, and treated him with particular demonstrations of regard and affection. As her economy was not encumbered with an un- necessary number of domestics, her own jiresence was often required in difierent parts of the house; so that the young gentleman was supplied with frequent opportunities of pro- moting his suit, by all the tender oaths and insinuations that his passion could suggest. He protested her idea had taken such entire possession of his heart, that, finding himself un- able to support her absence one day longer, he had quitted his studies, and left his governor by stealth, that he might visit the object of his adoration, and be blessed in her com- pany for a few days without interruption. She listened to his addresses with such affability as denot- ed approbation and delight, and gently' chid him as ^ PEREGRINE I'ICKLE. 105 thoughtless truant, but carefully avoided the confession of a mutual flame ; because she discerned, in the midst of all his tenderness, a levity of pride, which she durst not venture to trust with such a declaration. Perhaps she was confirmed in this caution by her mother, who very wisely, in her civi- lities to him, maintained a sort of ceremonious distance, which she thought not only requisite for the honour and interest of her family, but hkewise for her own exculpation, should she ever be taxed with having encouraged or abetted him in the imprudent sallies of his youth ; yet, notwithstanding this af- fected reserve, he was treated with such distinction by both, that he was ravished with his situation, and became more and more enamoured every day. While he remained under the influence of this sweet in- toxication, his absence produced great disturbance at Win- chester. Mr Jolter was grievously afflicted at his abrupt de- parture, which alarmed him the more, as it happened after a long fit of melancholy which he had perceived in his pu- pil. He communicated his apprehensions to the master of the school, who advised him to apprise the commodore of his nephew's disappearance, and in the meantime inquire at all the inns in town, whether he had hired horses, or any sort of carriage, for his conveyance, or was met with on the road by any person who could give an account of the direc- tions in which he travelled. This scrutiny, though performed with great diligence and minuteness, was altogether ineffectual ; they could obtain no intelligence of the runaway. Mr Trunnion was well nigh distracted at the news of his flight ; he raved with great furv' at the imprudence of Peregrine, whom, in his first transports, he damned as an ungrateful deserter ; then he cursed Hatch- way and Pipes, who he swore had foundered the lad by their pernicious counsels ; and, lastly, transferred his execrations upon Jolter, because he had not kept a better look-out; finally, he made an apostrophe to that son of a bitch the gout, which for the present disabled him from searching for his nephew in person. That he might not, however, neglect any means in his power, he immediately dispatched ex- 106 THE ADVENTURES OF presses to all the sea-port towns on the coast, that he might be prevented from leaving the kingdom ; and the lieutenant, at his own desire, was sent across the country, in quest of this young fugitive. Four days had he unsuccessfully carried on his inquiries with great accuracy, when, resolving to return by Winches- ter, where he hoped to meet with some hints of intelligence, by which he might profit in his future search, he struck off the common road to take the benefit of a nearer cut, and finding himself benighted near a village, took up his lodg- ings at the first inn to which his horse directed him. Hav- ing bespoke something for supper, and retired to his cham- ber, where he amused himself with a pipe, he heard a con- fused noise of rustic jollity, which being all of a sudden interrupted, after a short pause, his ear was saluted with the voice of Pipes, who, at the solicitation of the company, be- gan to entertain them with a song. Hatchway instantly recognized the well-known sound, in which indeed he could not possibly be mistaken, as nothing in nature bore the least resemblance to it ; he threw his pipe into the chimney, and, snatching up one of his pistols, ran immediately to the apartment from whence the voice issued. He no sooner entered, than distinguishing his old ship-mate in a crowd of country peasants, he in a moment sprung up- on him, and clapping his pistol to his breast, exclaimed, * Damn you, Pipes, you are a dead man, if you don""! im- mediately produce young master.'* This menacing application had a much greater efft^ct up- on the company than upon Tom, who looking at the lieu- tenant with great tranquillity, replied, ' Why, so I can, Mr Hatchway.' ' What ! safe and sound ?' cried the other. * As a roach,"" answered Pipes, so much to the satisfaction of his friend Jack, that he shook him by the hand, and desired him to proceed with his song. This being performed, and the reckoning discharged, the two friends adjourned to the other room, where the lieutenant was informed of the manner in which the young gentleman had made his elopement from college, as well as of the other particulars of his present situ- I PEREGRINE PICKLE. 107 ation, as far as they had fallen within the sphere of the rela- ter's comprehension. While they sat thus conferring together, Peregrine hav- ing taken leave of his mistress for the night, came home, and was not a little surprised when Hatchway, entering his chamber in his sea attitude, thrust out his hand by way of salutation. His old pupil received him, as usual, with great cordiality, and expressed his astonishment at meeting him in that place ; but when he understood the cause and intention of his arrival, he started with concern, and his visage glow- ing with indignation, told him he was old enough to be judge of his own conduct, and, when he should see it convenient, would return of himself; but those who thought he was to be compelled to his duty would find themselves egregiously mistaken. The lieutenant assured him, that, for his own part he had no intention to offer him the least violence ; but at the same time he represented to him the danger of incensing the com- modore, who was already almost distracted on account of his absence ; and, in short, conveyed his arguments, which were equally obvious and valid, in such expressions of friendship and respect, that Peregrine yielded to his remonstrances, and promised to accompany him next day to Winchester. Hatchway, overjoyed at the success of his negociation, went immediately to the ostler, and bespoke a post-chaise for Mr Pickle and his man, with whom he afterwards in- dulged himself in a double cann of rumbo, and, when the night was pretty far advanced, left the lover to his repose, or rather to the thorns of his own meditation ; for he slept not one moment, being incessantly tortured with the prospect of parting from his divine Emilia, who had now acquired the most absolute empire over his soul. One minute he pro- posed to depart early in the morning, without seeing this enchantress, in whose bewitching presence he durst not trust his own resolution. Then the thoughts of leaving her in such an abrupt and disrespectful manner interposed in fa- vour of his love and honour. This war of sentiments kept him all night upon the rack, and it was time to rise before 108 THE ADVENTURES OF he had determined to visit his charmer, and candidly impart the motives that induced him to leave her. He accordingly repaired to her mother's house with a heavy heart, being attended to the gate by Hatchway, who did not choose to leave him alone; and, being admitted, found Emilia just risen, and, in his opinion, more beautiful than ever. Alarmed at this early visit, and the gloom that overspread his countenance, she stood in silent expectation of hearing some melancholy tidings ; and it was not till after a consi- derable pause tliat he collected resolution enough to tell her he was come to take his leave. Though she strove to con- ceal her sorrow, nature was not to be suppressed ; every fea- ture of her countenance saddened in a moment, and it was not without the utmost difficulty that she kept her lovely eyes from overflowing. He saw the situation of her thoughts, and, in order to alleviate her concern, assured her he should find means to see her again in a very few weeks; mean- while he communicated his reasons for departing, in which fche readily acquiesced ; and having mutually consoled each other, their transports of grief subsided, and before Mrs Gauntlet came down stairs, they were in a condition to be- have with great decency and resignation. This good lady expressed her concern when she learned his resolution, saying, she hoped his occasions and incli- nation would permit him to favour them with his agreeable company another time. The lieutenant, who began to be uneasy at Peregrine's Etay, knocked at the door, and being introduced by his friend, had the honour of breakfasting with the ladies ; on which occasion his heart received such a rude shock from the charms of Emilia, that he afterwards made a merit with his friend of having constrained himself so far as to forbear commencing his professed rival. At length they bade adieu to their kind entertainers, and in less than an hour setting out from the inn, arrived about two o'clock in Winchester, where Mr Jolter was over- whelmed with joy at their appearance. PEKEGRINE PICKLE. lOQ The nature of this adventure being unknown to all except those who could be depended upon, every body who inquired about the cause of Peregrine's absence, was told that he had been with a relation in the country, and the master con- descended to overlook his indiscretion ; so that Hatchway seeing every thing settled to the satisfaction of his friend, returned to the garrison, and gave the commodore an ac- count of his expedition. The old gentleman was very much startled when he heard there was a lady in the case, and very emphatically observed, that a man had better be sucked into the gulf of Florida, than once get into the indraught of a woman ; because, in one case he may with good pilotage bring out his vessel safe between the Bahamas and the Indian shore ; but in the other there is no outlet at all, and it is in vain to strive against the current ; so that of course, he must be embayed, and run chuck upon a lee- shore. He resolved therefore to lay the state of the case before Mr Gamahel Pickle, and concert such measures with him as should be thought likeliest to detach his son from the pursuit of an idle amour, which could not fail of interfering in a dangerous manner with the plan of his education. In the meantime. Perry's ideas were totally engrossed by his amiable mistress, who, whether he slept or waked, was still present in his imagination ; which produced the following stanzas in her praise. Adieu ye streams that smoothly flow, Ye vernal airs that softly blow, Ye plains by blooming spring arrayed. Ye birds that warble through the siade. II. Unhurt from you my soul could fly, iS'or drop one tear, nor heave one sigh ; But forc'd from Celia's charms to part, All joy deserts my drooping heart. III. O ! fairer than the rosy morn, When flowers the dewy fields adorn. Unsullied as the genial ray, That warms the balmy breeze of May. 110 THE ADVENTURES OF IV. Tliy charms divinely bright appear. And add new splendour to the year ; Improve the day with fresh delight. And gild with joy the dreary night ! This juvenile production was inclosed in a very tender billet to Emilia, and committed to the charge of Pipes, who was ordered to set out for Mrs Gauntlet's habitation with a present of venison, and a compliment to the ladies ; and directed to take some opportunity of delivering the letter to miss, without the knowledge of her mamma. CHAPTER XIX. His messenger meets with a m'ls/brtime, to which he applies a very extraordinary expedient, that is attended with strange consequences. As the stage-coach passed within two miles of the village where she lived, Tom bargained with the driver for a seat on the box, and accordingly departed on this message, though he was indifferently qualified for commissions of such a nature. Having received particular injunctions about the letter, he resolved to make that the chief object of his care, and very sagaciously conveyed it between his stocking and the sole of his foot, where he thought it would be per- fectly secure from all injury and accident. Here it remained until he arrived at the inn where he had formerly lodged, when, after having refreshed himself with a draught of beer, he pulled off his stocking, and found the poor billet sullied with dust, and torn in a thousand tatters by the motion of his foot in walking the last two miles of his journey. Thun- derstruck at this phenomenon, he uttered a long and loud whew ! which was succeeded by an exclamation of ' Damn my old shoes ! a bite by God !' Then he rested his elbows on the table, and his forehead upon his two fists, and in that attitude deliberated with himself upon the means of remedy- ing this misfortune. As he was not distracted by a vast number of ideas, he soon concluded, that his best expedient would be to employ I PEREGRINE PICKLE. Ill the clerk of the parish, who he knew was a great scholar, to write another epistle according to the directions he should give him ; and never dreaming that the mangled original would in the least facilitate the scheme, he very wisely com- mitted it to the flames, that it might never rise up in judge- ment against him. Having taken this wise step, he went in quest of tlie scribe, to whom he communicated his business, and pro- mised a full pot by way of gratification. The clerk, who was also schoolmaster, proud of an opportunity to distinguish his talents, readily undertook the task ; and repairing with his employer to the inn, in less than a quarter of an hour produced a morsel of eloquence so much to the satisfaction of Pipes, that he squeezed his hand by way of acknow- ledgement, and doubled his allowance of beer. This being discussed, our courier betook himself to the house of Mrs Gauntlet, with the haunch of venison and this succedaneous letter, and delivered his message to the mother, who re- ceived it with great respect, and many kind inquiries about the health and welfare of his master, attempting to tip the messenger a crown, which he absolutely refused to accept, in consequence of Mr Pickle''s repeated caution. While the old gentlewoman turned to a servant, in order to give directions about the disposal of the present, Pipes looked Upon this as a favourable occasion to transact his business with Emiha, and therefore shutting one eye, with a jerk of his thumb towards his left shoulder, and a most significant twist of his countenance, he beckoned the young lady into another room, as if he had been fraught with something of consequence, which he wanted to impart. She under- stood the hint, howsoever strangely communicated, and, by stepping to one side of the room, gave him an opportunity of slipping the epistle into her hand, which he gently/ squeezed at the same time in token of regard ; then ihroy- ing a side glance at the mother whose back was turned, clapped his finger on the side of his nose, thereby recom- mending secrecy and discretion. Emilia conveying the letter into her' bosom, could not 112 TIIK ADVENTURES OK help smiling at Tom''s politeness and dexterity ; liut lest heir mamma should detect him in the execution of his panto- mime, she broke off this intercourse of signs by asking aloud when he proposed to set out on his return to Winchester ? When he answered, ' to-morrow morning,' Mrs Gauntlet recommended him to the hospitality of her own footman, desiring him to make much of Mr Pipes below, where he was kept to supper, and very cordially entertained. Our young heroine, impatient to read her lover"'s billet, which made her heart throb with rapturous expectation, retired to her chamber as soon as possible, with a view of perusing the contents, which were these: — ' DivrNE Empkf.ss of my Soul! ' If the refulgent flames of your beauty had not evaporated the particles of my transported brain, and scorclied my intellects into a cinder of stolidity, perhaps the resplendency of my passion might shine illustrious through the sable curtain of my ink, and in sublimity transcend the galaxy itself, though wafted on the pinions of a grey goose quill! But ah! celestial enchantress ! the necromancy of thy tyrunnical ciiarms hath fettered my faculties with adamantine chains, which unless thy compassion shall melt, I must eternally remain in the Tartarean gulf of dismal despair. Vouchsafe, therefore, O thou brightest luminary of this terres- trial sphere! to warm as well as shine ; and let the genial rays of thy benevolence melt the icy emanations of thy disdain, which hath frozen up the spirits of angelic pre-eminence! thy most egregious admirer and superlative slave, ' Pekegrine Pickle.' Never was astonishment more perplexing than that of Emilia, when she read this curious composition, which she repeated verbatim three times, before she would credit the evidence of her own senses. She begran to fear in good ear- nest that love had produced a disorder in her lover's under- standing; but after a thousand conjectures, by which she attempted to account for this extraordinary fustian of style, she concluded that it was the effect of mere levity, calcu- lated to ridicule the passion he had formerly professed. Irritated by this supposition, she resolved to baulk his tri- umph with affected indifference, and in the meantime en- deavour to expel him from that place which he possessed within her heart : and, indeed, such a victory over her in- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 113 clinations might have been obtained without great difficulty ; for she enjoyed an easiness of temper that could accommo- date itself to the emergencies of her fate ; and her vivacity, by amusing her imagination, preserved her from the keener sensations of sorrow. Thus determined and disposed, she did not send any sort of answer, or the least token of remem- brance by Pipes, who was suffered to depart with a general compliment from the mother, and arrived at Winchester the next day. Peregrine's eyes sparkled when he saw his messenger come in, and he stretched out his hand in full confidence of re- ceiving some particular mark of his Emilia's affection; but how was he confounded, when he found his hope so cruelly disappointed ! In an instant his countenance fell. He stood for some time silent and abashed, then thrice repeated the interrogation of ' what ! not one word from Emilia ?' and dubious of his courier's discretion, inquired minutely into all the particulars of his reception. He asked, if he had seen the young lady ; if she was in good health ; if he had found an opportunity of delivering his letter, and how she looked, when he put it into her hand? Pipes answered, that he had never seen her in better health or higher spirits ; that he had managed matters so as not only to present the billet unperceived, but also to ask her commands in private be- fore he took his leave, when she told him that the letter required no reply. This last circumstance he considered as a manifest mark of disrespect, and gnawed his lips with re- sentment. Upon further reflection, however, he supposed that she could not conveniently write by the messenger, and would undoubtedly favour him by the post This consider- ation consoled him for the present, and he waited impatient- ly for the fruits of his hope ; but after he had seen eight days elapsed without reaping the satisfaction with which he had flattered himself, his temper forsook him, he raved against the whole sex, and was seized with a fit of sullen chagrin ; but his pride in a little time came to his assistance, and rescued him from the horrors of the melancholy fiend. He resolved to retort her own neglect upon his ungrateful Vol 11. H 114 THE ADVENTURES OF mistress ; his countenance gradually resumed its former serenity ; and though by this time he was pretty well cured of his foppery, he appeared again at public diversions with an air of gaiety and unconcern, that Emilia might have a chance of hearing how much, in all likelihood, he disregarded her disdain. There are never wanting certain officious persons who take pleasure in promoting intelligence of this sort. His behaviour soon reached the ears of Miss Gauntlet, and confirmed her in the opinion she had conceived from his letter ; so that she fortified herself in her former sentiments, and bore his indif- ference with great philosophy. Thus a correspondence which had commenced with all the tenderness and sincerity of love, ,and every promise of duration, was interrupted in its infancy by a misunderstanding occasioned by the simplicity of Pipes, who never once reflected upon the consequences of his deceit. Though their mutual passion was by these means sup- pressed for the present, it was not altogether extinguished, but glowed in secret, though even to themselves unknown, until an occasion, which afterwards ofi'ered, blew up the latent flame, and love resumed his empire in their breasts. While they moved, as it were, without the sphere of each other's attraction, the commodore fearing that Perry was in danger of involving himself in some pernicious engagement, resolved, by advice of Mr Jolter, and his friend the parish priest, to recal him from the place where he had contracted such imprudent connections, and send him to the university, where his education might be completed, and his fancy weaned from all puerile amusements. This plan had been proposed to his own father, who, as hath been already observed, stood always neuter in every thing that concerned his eldest son ; and as for Mrs Pickle, she had never heard his name mentioned sinc« his depar- ture with any degree of temper or tranquillity, except when her husband informed her that he was in a fair way of be- ing ruined by this indiscreet amour. It was then she began to applaud her own foresight, which had discerned the mark of reprobation in that vicious boy, and launched out X-£R£GRIN£ FICKLE. 115 in comparison between him and Gammy, who, she observed, was a child of uncommon parts and solidity, and, with the blessing of God, would be a comfort to his parents, and an ornament to the family. Should I affirm that this favourite, whom she commended so much, was in every respect the reverse of what she de- cribed ; that he was a boy of mean capacity, and, though remarkably distorted in his body, much more crooked in his disposition ; and that she had persuaded her husband to es- pouse her opinion, though it was contrary to common sense, as well as to his own perception ; — I am afraid the reader will think I represent a monster that never existed in nature, and be apt to condemn the economy of my invention ; neverthe- less there is nothing more true than every circumstance of what I have advanced ; and I wish the picture, singular as it is, may not be thought to resemble more than one original. CHAPTER XX. Peregrine is summoned to attend his uncle— is more and more hated hy his own mother — appeals to hisfatlier^ whose condescension is defeated hy the dominion of his wife. JJUT, waving these reflections, let us return to Peregrine, who received a summons to attend his uncle, and in a few days arrived with Mr Jolter and Pipes at the garrison, which he filled with joy and satisfaction. The alteration which, during his absence, had happened in his person, was very favourable in his appearance, which, from that of a comely boy, was converted into that of a most engaging youth. He was already taller than a middle sized man, his shape ascer- tained, his sinews well knit, his mein greatly improved, and his whole figure as elegant and graceful as if he had been cast in the same mould with the Apollo of Belvidere. Such an outside could not fail of prepossessing people in bis favour. The commodore, notwithstanding the advan^ 116 THK Ali VENTURES OF tageous reports he had heard, found his expectation exceeded in the person of Peregrine, and signified his approbation in the most sanguine terms. Mrs Trunnion was struck with his genteel address, and received him with uncommon marks of complacency and affection : he was caressed by all the people in the neighbourhood, who, while they admired his accomplishments, could not help pitying his infatuated mo- ther, for being deprived of that unutterable delight which any other parent would have enjoyed in the contemplation of such an amiable son. Divers efforts were made by some well-disposed people to conquer, if possible, this monstrous prejudice ; but their en- deavours, instead of curing, served only to inflame the dis- temper, and she never could be prevailed upon to indulge him with the least mark of maternal regard. On the con- trary, her original disgust degenerated into such inveteracy of hatred, that she left no stone unturned to alienate the commodore's affection from this her innocent child, and even practised the most malicious defamation to accomplish her purpose. Every day did she abuse her husband's ear with some forged instance of Peregrine's ingratitude to his uncle^ well knowing that it would reach the commodore's know- ledge at night. Accordingly, Mr Pickle used to tell him at the club, that his hopeful favourite had ridiculed him in such a company, and aspersed his spouse upon another occasion ; and thus retail the little scandalous issue of his own wife's invention. Luckily for Peregrine, the commodore paid no great regard to the authority of his informer, because he knew from what channel his intelligence flowed; besides, the youth had a staunch friend in Mr Hatchway, who never failed to vindi- cate him when he was thus unjustly accused, and always found argument enough to confute the assertions of his ene- mies. But, though Trunnion had been dubious of the young gentleman's principles, and deaf to the remonstrances of the lieutenant. Perry was provided with a bulwark strong enough to defend him from all such assaults. This was no other than his aunt, whose regard for him was perceived to increase in I PEREGRINE PICKLE. 117 the same proportion as his own mother''s diminished : and indeed the augmentation of the one was, in all probability, owing to the decrease of the other ; for the two ladies, with great civility, performed all the duties of good neighbour- hood, and hated each other most piously in their hearts. Mrs Pickle having been disobliged at the splendour of her sister's new equipage, had, ever since that time, in the course of her visiting, endeavoured to make people merry with sa- tirical jokes on the poor lady's infirmities ; and Mrs Trun- nion seized the very first oppoitunity of making reprisals, by inveighing against her unnatural behaviour to her own child ; so that Peregrine, as on the one hand he was abhorred, so on the other was he caressed, in consequence of this conten- tion ; and I firmly believe that the most effectual method of destroying his interest at the garrison, would have been the show of countenancing him at his father's house ; but, whether this conjecture be reasonable or chimerical, certain it is the experiment was never tried, and therefore Mr Pe- regrine ran no risk of being disgraced. The commodore, who assumed, and justly too, the whole merit of his educa- tion was now as proud of the youth's improvements as if he had actually been his own offspring; and sometimes his affections rose to such a pitch of enthusiasm that he verily believed him to be the issue of his own loins. Notwith- standing this favourable predicament in which our hero stood with his aunt and her husband, he could not help feeling the injury he suffered from the caprice of his mother ; and though the gaiety of his disposition hindered him from af- flicting himself with reflections of any gloomy cast, he did not fail to foresee that, if any sudden accident should deprive him of the commodore, he would in all likelihood find him- self in a very disagreeable situation. Prompted by this con- sideration, he one evening accompanied his uncle to the club, and was introduced to his father, before that worthy gentle- man had the least inkling of his arrival. Mr Gamaliel was never so disconcerted as at this ren- counter. His own disposition would not suffer him to do any thing that might create the least disturbance, or inter- rupt his evening's enjoyment ; so strongly was he impressed 118 THE ADVENTURES OF mth the terror of his wife, that he durst not yield to the tranquillity of his temper ; and, as I have already observed, his inclination was perfectly neutral. Thus distracted be- tween different motives, when Perry was presented to him, he sat silent and absorbed, as if he did not, or would not, perceive the application ; and when he was urged to declare himself by the youth, who pathetically begged to know how he had incurred his displeasure, he answered, in a peevish strain, * why, good now, child, what would you have me to do ? your mothpr oan^'t abide you.' ' If my mother is SO un- kind, I will not call it unnatural,' said Peregrine, the tears of indignation starting from his eyes, ' as to banish me from her presence and affection, without the least cause assigned, I hope you will not be so unjust as to espouse her barbarous prejudice.' Before Mr Pickle had time to reply to this ex- postulation, for which he was not at all prepared, the com- modore interposed, and enforced his favourite's remonstrance, by telling Mr Gamaliel, that he was ashamed to see any man drive in such a miserable manner under his wife's petti- coat. * As for my own part,' said he, raising his voice, and assuming a look of importance and command, * before I would suffer myself to be steered all weathers by any woman in Christendom, d'ye see, I'd raise such a hurricane about her ears, that' — here he was interrupted by Mr Hatchway, who, thrusting his head towards the door, in the attitude of one that listens, cried, ' a-hey ! there's your spouse come to pay us a visit.' Trunnion's features that instant adopted a new disposition : fear and confusion took possession of his countenance; his voice, from a tone of vociferation, sunk into a whisper of ' sure you must be mistaken. Jack ;' and in great perplexity, he wiped off the sweat which had started on his forehead at this false alarm. The lieutenant having thus punished him for the rodomontade he had uttered, told him, with an arch sneer, that he was deceived with the sound of the outward door creaking upon its hinges, which he mistook for Mrs Trunnion's voice, and desired him to proceed with his admonitions to Mr Pickle. It is not to be denied that this arrogance was a little unseasonable in the commodore, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 119 who was in all respects as effectually subdued to the domi- nion of his wife as the person whose submission he then ven- tured to condemn, with this difference of disposition — Trun- nion's subjection was like that of a bear, chequered with fits of surliness and rage ; whereas Pickle bore the yoke like an ox, without repining. No wonder then that this indolence, this sluggishness, this stagnation of temper, rendered Gama- liel incapable of withstanding the arguments and importu- nity of his friends, to which he at length surrendered. He acquiesced in the justice of their observations, and, taking his son by the hand, promised to favour him for the future with his love and fatherly protection. But this laudable resolution did not last: Mrs Pickle, still dubious of his constancy, and jealous of his communica- tion with the commodore, never failed to interrogate him every night about the conversation that happened at the club, and regulate her exhortations according to the intelligence she received. He was no sooner, therefore, safely conveyed to bed (that academy in which all notable wives communi- cate their lectures), than her catechism began; and she in a moment perceived something reluctant and equivocal in her husband's answers. Aroused at this discovery, she employed her influence and skill with such success, that he disclosed every circumstance of what had happened ; and after having sustained a most severe rebuke for his simplicity and indis- cretion, humbled himself so far as to promise that he would next day annul the condescensions he had made, and for ever renounce the ungracious object of her disgust. This undertaking was punctually performed in a letter to the com- modore, which she herself dictated in these words. — * Sir, whereas my good-nature being last night imposed upon, I was persuaded to countenance and promise, I know not what, to that vicious youth, whose parent I have the misfortune to be; " I desire you will take notice, that 1 revoke all such countenance and promises, and shall never look upon that man as my friend who will henceforth in such a cause solicit, Sir, yours, &c. • Gam. Pickle.' 120 THE ADVENTUEES OF CHAPTER XXI. Trunnion is enraged at the conduct of Pickle — Peregrine resetits the injustice of his mother^ to whom lie explains his sentiments in a letter — is entered at the university of' Oxford, where he signalizes himself as a youth of an en- terprising genius. U NSPEAKABLE werc the transports of rage to which Trun- nion was incensed by this absurd renunciation ; he tore the letter with his gums (teeth he had none), spit with furious grimaces, in token of the contempt he entertained for the author, whom he not only damned as a lousy, scabby, nasty, scurvy, skulking, lubberly noodle, but resolved to challenge to single combat with fire and sword ; but he was dissuaded from this violent measure, and appeased by the intervention and advice of the lieutenant and Mr Joker, who represented the message as the effect of the poor man's infirmity, for which he was rather an object of pity than of resentment ; and turn- ed the stream of his indignation against the wife, whom he reviled accordingly. Nor did Peregrine himself bear with patience this injurious declaration, the nature of which he no sooner understood from Hatchway, than, equally shock- ed and exasperated, he retired to his apartment, and, in the first emotions of his ire, produced the following epistle, which was immediately conveyed to his mother : — * Madam, had nature formed me a bugbear to the sight, and inspired me with a soul as vicious as my body was detestable, per- haps I might have enjoyed particular marks of your affection and applause ; seeing you have persecuted me with such unnatural aver*iion, for no other visible reason than that of my differing so widely in shape, as well as disposition, from that deformed urchin who is the object of your tenderness and care. If those be the terms on which alone I can obtain your favour, I pray God you may never cease to hate, madam, your much injured son, 'Peregrine Pickle.' This letter, which nothing but his passion and inexperience could excuse, had such an effect upon his mother, as may be easily conceived. She was enraged to a degree of frenzy against the writer ; though, at the same time, she considered PEREGRINE PICKLE. 121 the "whole as the production of Mrs Trunnion''s particular pique, and represented it to her husband as an insult that he was bound in honour to resent, by breaking off all cor- respondence with the commodore and his family. This was a bitter pill to Gamaliel, who, through a long course of years, was so habituated to Trunnion's company, that he could as easily have parted with a limb, as have relinquished the club all at once. He therefore ventured to represent his own incapacity to follow her advice, and begged that he might at least be allowed to drop the connection gradually, protesting that he would do his endeavour to give her all manner of satisfaction. Meanwhile preparations were made for Peregrine's de- parture to the university, and, in a few weeks, he set out, in the seventeenth year of his age, accompanied by the same attendants who lived with him at Winchester. His uncle laid strong injunctions upon him to avoid the company of immodest women, to mind his learning, to let him hear of his welfare as often as he could spare time to write, and settled his appointment at the rate of five hundred a-year, includ- ing his governor's salary, which was one fifth part of the sum. The heart of our young gentleman delated at the pro- spect of the figure he should make with such a handsome annuity, the management of which was left to his own dis- cretion ; and he amused his imagination with the most agree- able reveries during his journey to Oxford, which he per- formed in two days. Here being introduced to the head of the college, to whom he had been recommended, accommo- dated with genteel apartments, entered as gentleman com- moner in the books, and provided with a judicious tutor, in- stead of returning to the study of Greek and Latin, in which he thought himself already sufficiently instructed, he renewed his acquaintance with some of his old school-fellows, whom he found in the same situation, and was by them initiated in all the fashionable diversions of the place. It was not long before he made himself remarkable for his spirit and humour, which were so acceptable to the bucks of the university, that he was admitted as a member of their 122 THE ADVENTURES OF corporation, and, in a very little time, became the most con- spicuous personage of the whole fraternity ; not that he va- lued himself upon his ability in smoking the greatest num- ber of pipes, and drinking the largest quantity of ale ; these were qualifications of too gross a nature to captivate his refined ambition. He piqued himself on his talent for rail- lery, his genius and taste, his personal accomplishments, and his success at intrigue: nor were his excursions con- fined to the small villages in the neighbourhood, which are commonly visited once a week by the students, for the sake of carnal recreation. He kept his own horses, traversed the whole county in parties of pleasure, attended all the races within fifty miles of Oxford, and made frequent jaunts to London, where he used to lie incognito during the best part of many a term. The rules of the university were too severe to be observed by a youth of his vivacity; and therefore he became ac- quainted with the proctor by times. But all the checks he received were insufficient to moderate his career: he fre- quented taverns and coffeehouses, committed midnight fro- lics in the streets, insulted all the sober and pacific class of his fellow students ; the tutors themselves were not sacred from his ridicule; he laughed at the magistrate, and ne- glected every particular of college discipline. In vain did they attempt to restrain his irregularities by the imposition of fines ; he was liberal to profusion, and therefore paid without reluctance. Thrice did he scale the windows of a tradesman, with whose daughter he had an affair of gallantry ; as often was he obliged to seek his safety by a precipitate leap, and one night would, in all probabi- lity, have tJallen a sacrifice to an ambuscade that was laid by the father, had not his trusty 'squire Pipes interposed in his behalf, and manfully rescued him from the clubs of his enemies. In the midst of these excesses, Mr Jolter, finding his ad- monitions neglected, and his influence utterly destroyed, at- tempted to wean his pupil from his extravagant courses, by engaging his attention in some more laudable pursuit. With TEUEGRINE PICIvLE. 123 this view he introduced him into a club of politicians, who received him with great demonstrations of regard, accommo- dated themselves more than he could have expected to his jovial disposition, and, while they revolved schemes for the reformation of the state, drank with such devotion to the ac- complishment of their plans, that, before parting, the cares of their patriotism were quite overwhelmed. Peregrine, though he could not approve of their doctrine, resolved to attach himself for some time to their company ; because he perceived ample tjubject for his ridicule in the characters of these wrong-headed enthusiasts. It was a con- stant practice with them, in their midnight consistories, to swallow such plentiful draughts of inspiration, that their mysteries commonly ended like those of the Bacchanalian orgia ; and they were seldom capable of maintaining that solemnity of decorum which, by the nature of their func- tions, most of them were obliged to profess. Now, as Pere- grine's satirical disposition was never more gratified than when he had an opportunity of exposing grave characters in ridiculous attitudes, he laid a mischievous snare for his new confederates, which took effect in this manner. — In one of their nocturnal deliberations, he promoted such a spirit of good fellowship, by the agreeable sallies of his wit, which were purposely levelled against their political adversaries, that by ten o'clock they were all ready to join in the most extravagant proposal that could be made. They broke their glasses in consequence of his suggestion, drank healths out of their shoes, caps, and the bottoms of the candlesticks that stood before them, sometimes standing with one foot on a chair, and the knee bent on the edge of the table ; and, when they could no longer stand in that posture, setting their bare posteriors on the cold floor. They huzza'd, hallooed, danced, and sung, and, in short, were elevated to such a pitch of in- toxication, that when Peregrine proposed that they should burn their periwigs, the hint was immediately approved, and they executed the frolic as one man. Their shoes and caps underwent the same fate by the same instigation ; and in this trim he led them forth into the street, where they re- 124 THE ADVENTURES OF solved to compel every body they should find to subscribe to their political creed, and pronounce the shibboleth of their party. In the achievement of this enterprise, they met with more opposition than they expected ; they were encountered with arguments which they could not well withstand ; the noses of some, and eyes of others, in a very little time, bore the marks of obstinate disputation. Their conductor hav- ing at length engaged the whole body in a fray with another squadron, which was pretty much in the same condition, he very fairly gave them the slip, and slily retreated to his apartment, foreseeing that his companions would soon be fa- voured with the notice of their superiors : nor was he de- ceived in his prognostic ; the proctor, going his round, chanced to fall in with this tumultuous uproar, and, inter- posing his authority, found means to quiet the disturbance. He took cognizance of their names, and dismissed the rioters to their respective chambers, not a little scandalized at the behaviour of some among them, whose business and duty it was to set far other examples to the youth under their care and direction. About midnight. Pipes, who had orders to attend at a distance, and keep an eye upon Jolter, brought home that unfortunate governor upon his back (Peregrine having be- fore hand secured his admittance into the college), and, among other bruises, he was found to have received a couple of contusions on his face, which, next morning appeared in a black circle that surrounded each eye. This was a mortifying circumstance to a man of his cha- racter and deportment, especially as he had received a mes- sage from the proctor, who desired to see him forthwith. With great humility and contrition, he begged the advice of his pupil, who, being used to amuse himself with painting, assured Mr Jolter, that he would cover those signs of disgrace with a slight coat of flesh-colour so dexterously, that it would be almost impossible to distinguish the artificial from the natural skin. T'he rueful governor, rather than expose such opprobrious tokens to the observation and censure of the magistrates, submitted to the expedient. Although his coun- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 125 wllor had over-rated his own skill, he was persuaded to con- fide in the disguise, and actually attended the proctor, with such a staring addition to the natural ghastliness of his fea- tures, that his visage bore a very apt resemblance to some of those ferocious countenances that hang over the doors of certain taverns and ale-houses, under the denomination of the Saracen's head. Such a remarkable alteration of physiognomy could not escape the notice of the most undiscerning beholder, much less the penetrating eye of his severe judge, already whetted with what he had seen over night. He was therefore up- braided with this ridiculous and shallow artifice, and, to- gether with the companions of his debauch, underwent such a cutting reprimand for the scandalous irregularity of his conduct, that all of them remained crest-fallen, and were ashamed, for many weeks, to appear in the public execution of their duty. Peregrine was too vain of his finesse to conceal the part he acted in this comedy, with the particulars of which he re- galed his companions, and thereby entailed upon himself the hate and resentment of the community whose maxims and practices he had disclosed ; for he was considered as a spy, who had intruded himself into their society with a view of betraying it ; or, at best, as an apostate and renegade from the faith and principles which he had professed. CHAPTER XXII. He is insulted hy his tutor, whom he lai^poons — makes a con~ siderable progress in polite literature — awe?, in an excur- sion to Windsor, meets with Emilia by accident, and is very coldly received. Among those who suffered by his craft and infidelity, was Mr Jumble, his own tutor, who could not at all digest the mortifying affront he had received, and was resolved to be revenged on the insulting author. With this view he watch- ed the conduct of Mr Pickle with the utmost rancour of vi- gilance, and let slip no opportunity of treating him with ia6 TUE ADVENTUEES OF disrespect, which he knew the disposition of his pupil could less brook than any other severity it was in his power to ex- ercise. Peregrine had been several mornings absent from chapel ; and as Mr Jumble never failed to question him in a very peremptory style about his non-attendance, he invented some very plausible excuses ; but at length his ingenuity was ex- hausted ; he received a very galling rebuke for his profligacy of morals, and that he might feel it the more sensibly, was ordered, by way of exercise, to compose a paraphrase, in English verse, upon these two lines in Virgil : ♦ Vane ligur, frustraque animis elate superbis, ' Nequicquam patrias tentasti lubiicus artes.' The imposition of this invidious scheme had all the desired effect upon Peregrine, who not only considered it as a piece of unmannerly abuse levelled against his own conduct, but also as a retrospective insult on the memory of his grand- father, who (as he had been informed) was in his lifetime, more noted for his cunning than candour in trade. Exasperated at this instance of the pedant's audacity, he had well nigh (in his first transports) taken corporal satisfac- tion on the spot ; but foreseeing the troublesome consequence that would attend such a flagrant outrage against the laws of the university, he checked his indignation, and resolved to revenge the injury in a more cool and contemptuous man- ner. Thus determined, he set on foot an inquiry into the particulars of Jumble's parentage and education. He learn- ed that the fiather of this insolent tutor was a bricklayer, that his mother sold pyes, and that the son, at different pe- riods of his youth, had amused himself in both occupations before he converted his views to the study of learning. Fraught with this intelligence, he composed the following bal- lad in doggerel rhymes, and next day presented it as a gloss upon the text which the tutor had chosen. Come, listen ye students of every degree, 1 sing of a wit and a tutor perdie ; A statesman profound, a cntic immense. In short, a mere jumble of learnm^ and sense ; And yet of his talents, though laudably vain, His own family arts he could never attain. I 4 rEBEGRINE PICKLE. 1ST II. His father intending his fortune to build. In his youth would have taught him the trowel to wield : But the mortar of discipline never would stick. For his scull was secured by a facing of bricic ; And with all his endeavours of patience and pain. The skill of his sire he could never attain. III. Hit mother, an housewife, neat, artful and wise. Renown 'd for her delicate biscuit and pyes. Soon alter'd his studies, by flattering his taste. From the raising of walls to the rearing of paste ! But all her instructions were fruitless and vain. The pye-making myst'ry he ne'er could attain. IV. Yet true to his race, in his labours were seen A jumble of both their professions, I ween ; For, when his own genius he ventured to trust. His pyes seemed of brick, and his houses of crust. Then, good Mr Tutor, pray be not so vain. Since your family arts you could never attain. , This impudent production was the most effectual ven- geance he could have taken on his tutor, who had all the supercilious arrogance, and ridiculous pride, of a low-born pedant. Instead of overlooking this petulant piece of satire with that temper and decency of disdain that became a per- son of his gravity and station, he no sooner cast his eye over the performance, than the blood rushed into his countenance, which immediately after exhibited a ghastly pale colour. With a quivering lip he told his pupil, that he was an im- pertinent jackanapes, and he would take care that he should te expelled from the university, for having presumed to write and deliver such a licentious and scurrilous libel. Pere- grine answered with great resolution, that when the provoca- tion he had received should be known, he was persuaded that he should be acquitted in the opinion of all impartial peo- ple, and that he was ready to submit the whole to the de- cision of the master. This arbitration he proposed, because he knew the master and Jumble were at variance ; and for that reason the tutor durst not venture to put the cause on such an issue. Nay, when this reference was mentioned, Jumble, who was natu- rally jealous, suspected that Peregrine had a promise of pro- 128 THE ADVENTURES OF tection before he undertook to commit such an outraffeous O insult ; and this notion had such an eflPect upon him, that he resolved to devour his vexation, and wait for a more pro- per opportunity of gratifying his hate. Meanwhile co- pies of the ballad were distributed among the students, who sung it under the very nose of Mr Jumble, to the tune of A cobbler there was, &c. and the triumph of our hero was com- plete. Neither was his whole time devoted to the riotous ex- travagances of youth. He enjoyed many lucid intervals ; during which he contracted a more intimate acquaintance with the classics, applied himself to the reading of history, improved his taste for painting and music, in which he made some progress ; and above all things, cultivated the study of natural philosophy. It was generally after a course of close attention to some of these arts and sciences, that his disposition broke out into those irregularities and wild sallies of a luxuriant imagination, for which he became so remark- able ; and he was perhaps the only young man in Oxford, who, at the same time, maintained an intimate and friendly intercourse with the most unthinking, as well as with the most sedate students at the university. It is not to be supposed that a young man of Peregrine's vanity, inexperience, and profusion, could suit his expense to his allowance, liberal as it was; for he was not one of those fortunate people who are born economists, and knew not the art of withholding his purse when he saw his compa- nion in difficulty. Thus naturally generous and expensive, he squandered away his money, and made a most splendid appearance upon the receipt of his quarterly appointment ; but long before the third month was elapsed, his finances were consumed ; and, as he could not stoop to ask an ex- traordinary supply, was too proud to borrow, and too liaughty to run in debt with tradesmen, he devoted those periods of poverty to the prosecution of his studies, and shone forth again at the revolution of quarter day. In one of these irruptions, he and some of his compa^ nions went to Windsor, in order to see the royal apartments in the castle, whither they r-epaired in the afternoon ; and, as I'Er.EGRINE PICKLE. 129 Peregrine stood contemplating the pictvu'e of Hercules and Omphale, one of his fellow-students whispered in his ear, * Zounds ! Pickle, there are two fine girls.' He turned in- stantly about, and, in one of them, recognised his almost forgotten Emilia : her appearance acted upon his imagination like a spark of fire that falls among gunpowder ; that passion which had lain dormant for the space of two years flashed up in a moment, and he was seized with an universal trepi- dation. She perceived, and partook of his emotion ; for their souls, like unisons, vibrated with the same impulse. How- ever, she called her pride and resentment to her aid, and found resolution enough to retire from such a dangerous scene. Alarmed at her retreat, he recollected all his assur- ance, and, impelled by love, which he could no longer resist, followed her into the next room, where, in the most discon- certed manner, he accosted her with — ' Your humble ser- vant. Miss Gauntlet ;' to which salutation she replied, with an affectation of indifference, that did not, however, conceal her agitation, 'Your servant. Sir;' and immediately extending her finger towards the picture of Duns Scotus, which is fixed over one of the doors, asked her companion, in a gigling tone, if she did not think he looked like a conjuror ? Pere- grine, nettled into spirits by this reception, answered for the other lady, — ' That it was an easy matter to be a conjuror in those times, when the simplicity of the age assisted his di- vination ; but were he, or Merlin himself, to rise from the dead now, when such deceit and dissimulation prevail, they would not be able to earn their bread by the profession.' ' O Sir,' said she, turning full upon him, ' without doubt they ■would adopt new maxims ; 'tis no disparagement, in this en- lightened age, for one to alter one's opinion.' ' No, sure, ma- dam,' replied the youth, with some precipitation, ' provid- ed the change be for the better.' ' And should it happen, otherwise,' retorted the nymph, with a flirt of her fan, ' in- constancy will never want countenance from the practice of mankind.' * True, madam,' resumed our hero, fixing his eyes upon her, ' examples of levity are every where to be met with.' ' O Lord, Sir,' cried Emilia, tossing her head, Vol II. I 130 TIIK ADVENTURES OF * you 11 scarce ever find a fop without it.' By this time his companion, seeing him engaged with one of the ladies, en- tered into conversation with the other ; and, in order to fa- vour his friend's gallantry, conducted her into the next apartment, on pretence of entertaining her with the sight of a remarkable piece of painting. Peregrine, laying hold on this opportunity of being alone with the object of his love, assumed a most seducing tender- ness of look, and, heaving a profound sigh, asked if she had utterly discarded him from her remembrance. Reddening at this pathetic question, which recalled the memory of the imagined slight he had put upon her, she answered, in great confusion, — 'Sir, I believe, I once had the pleasure of seeing you at a ball in Winchester.' ' Miss Emilia,' said he, very gravely, ' will you be so candid as to tell me what misbe- haviour of mine you are pleased to punish, by restricting your remembrance to that single occasion ?' ' Mr Pickle,' she replied, in the same tone, ' it is neither my province nor inclination to judge your conduct ; and therefore you misapply your question, when you ask such an explanation of me.' ' At least,' resumed our lover, ' give me the melan- choly satisfaction to know for what offence of mine you re- fused to take the least notice of that letter which I had the honour to write from Winchester, by your own express per- mission.' ' Your letter,' said miss, with great vivacity, * neither required, nor, in my opinion, deserved an answer ; and, to be free with you, Mr Pickle, it was but a shallow artifice to rid yourself of a correspondence you had deigned to solicit.' Peregrine, confoun(!ed at this repartee, replied, that howsoever he might have failed in point of elegance or discretion, he was sure he had not been deficient in expres- sions of respect and devotion for those charms which it was his pride to adore : ' as for the verses,' said he, ' I own they were unworthy of the theme, but I flattered myself that they would have merited your acceptance, though not your ap- probation, and been considered not so much as the proof of my genius, as the genuine effusion of my love.' ' Verses !' cried Emilia, with an air of astonishment, ' what verses ? I really PEUEGRINE PICKLE. 131 don't understand you.' The young gentleman was thun- derstruck at this exclamation, to which, after a long pause, he answered, ' I begin to suspect, and heartily wish it may appear, that we have misunderstood each other from the beginning. Pray, Miss Gauntlet, did you not find a copy of verses inclosed in that unfortunate letter ?"" ' Truly, Sir/ said the lady, * I am not so much of a connoisseur as to dis- tinguish whether that facetious production, which you mer- rily style an unfortunate letter, was composed in verse or prose; but, methinks, the jest is a little too stale to be brought upon the carpet again.' So saying, she tripped away to her companion, and left her lover in a most tumul- tuous suspense. He now perceived that her neglect of his addresses, when he was at Winchester, must have been ow- ing to some mystery which he could not comprehend ; and she began to suspect, and to hope, that the letter which she received was spurious, though she could not conceive how that could possibly happen, as it had been delivered to her by the hands of his own servant. However, she resolved to leave the task of unravelling the affair to him, who, she knew, would infallibly exert himself for his own as well as her satisfaction. She was not deceived in her opinion : he went up to her again at the stair-case, and, as they were unprovided with a male-attendant, insist- ed upon squiring the ladies to their lodgings. Emilia saw his drift, which was no other than to know where she lived ; and, though she approved of his contrivance, thought it was incumbent upon her, for the support of her own dignity, to decline the civility : slie therefore thanked him for his pohte offer, but would by no means consent to his giving himself such unnecessary trouble, especially as they had but a very little way to walk. He was not repulsed by this refusal, the nature of which he perfectly understood ; nor was she sorry to see him persevere in his determination: he therefore accompanied them in their return, and made divers efforts to speak with Emiha, in particular. But she had a spice of the coquette in her disposition, and being determined to whet his impatience, artfully baffled all his endeavours, by keep- 132 THE ADVENTURES Oi< ing her companion continually engaged in the conversatron, which turned upon the venerable appearance and imperial situation of the place. Thus tantalized, he lounged v?ith them to the door of the house in which they lodged, when his mistress perceiving, by the countenance of her comrade, that she was on the point of desiring him to walk in, check- ed her intention with a frown ; then turning to Mr Pickle, dropped him a very formal curt'sey, seized the other young lady by the arm, and saying, ' come, cousin Sophy,"" va- nished in a moment. CHAPTER XXIII. AJ\er sundry unsuccessful efforts, he finds means to come to an explanation with his mistress — and a reconciliation ensues, 1 EREGRiNE, disconccrtcd at their sudden disappearance, stood for some minutes gaping in the street, before he could get the better of his surprise : and then deliberated with him- self, whether he should demand immediate admittance to his mistress, or choose some other method of application. Piqued at her abrupt behaviour, though pleased with her spirit, he set his invention to work, in order to contrive some means of seeing her ; and, in a fit of musing, arrived at the inn, where he found his companions, whom he had left at the castle gate. They had already made inquiry about the ladies, in consequence of which he learnt, that Miss Sophy was the daughter of a gentleman in town, to whom his mis- tress was related ; that an intimate friendship subsisted between the two young ladies ; that Emilia had lived about a month with her cousin, and appeared at the last assembly, where she was universally admired ; and that several young gentlemen of fortune had, since that time, teased her with addresses. Our hero''s ambition was flattered, and his passion inflamed ■with this intelligence; and he swore within himself, that he would not quit the spot until he should have obtained an undisputed victory over all his rivals. J PEREGRINE PICKLE. 13S That same evening he composed a most eloquent epistle, in which he earnestly entreated that she would favour him with an opportunity of vindicating his conduct ; but she would neither receive his billet, nor see his messsenger. Baulk- ed in this effort, he inclosed it in a new cover, directed by an- other hand, and ordered Pipes to ride next morning to Lon- don, on purpose to deliver it at the post-office, that, coming by such conveyance, she might have no suspicion of the au- thor, and open it before she should be aware of the deceit. Three days he waited patiently for the effect of this stra- tagem, and, in the afternoon of the fourth, ventured to hazard a formal visit, in quality of an old acquaintance. But here too he failed in his attempt ; she was indisposed, and could not see company. These obstacles served only to increase his eagerness : he still adhered to his former resolution ; and his companions, understanding his determination, left him next day to his own inventions. Thus relinquished to his own ideas, he doubled his assiduity, and practised every method his imagination could suggest, in order to promote his plan. Pipes was stationed all day long within sight of her door, that he might be able to give his master an account of her motions : but she never went abroad, except to visit in the neighbourhood, and was always housed before Peregrine could be apprised of her appearance. He went to church with a view of attracting her notice, and humbled his deport- ment before her; but she was so mischievously devout as to look at nothing but her book, so that he was not favoured with one glance of regard. He frequented the coffee-house, and attempted to contract an acquaintance with Miss Sophy's father, who, he hoped, would invite him to his house; but this expectation was also defeated. That prudent gen- tleman looked upon him as one of those forward fortune- hunters, who go about the country seeking whom they may devour, and warily discouraged all his advances. Chagrin- ed by so many unsuccessful endeavours, he began to despair of accomplishing his aim ; and, as the last suggestion of his art, paid off his lodging, took horse at noon, and de- parted, in all appearance, for the place from whence he had 134 THE ADVENTURES 0¥ come. He rode, however, but a few miles, and, in the dusTc of the evening, returned unseen, alighted at another inn, or- dered Pipes to stay within doors, and, keeping himself in- cognito, employed another person as a centinel upon Emilia. It was not long before he reaped the fruits of bis inge- nuity. Next day in the afternoon he was informed by his spy, that the two young ladies were gone to walk in the park, whither he followed them on the instant, fully deter- mined to come to an explanation with his mistress, even in presence of her friend, who might possibly be prevailed upon to interest herself in his behalf. When he saw them at such a distance that they could not return to town before he should have an opportunity of put- ting his resolution in practice, he mended his pace, and found means to appear before them so suddenly, that Emilia could not help expressing her surprise in a scream. Our lover, putting on a mcin of humility and mortification, begged to know if her resentment was implacable ; and ask- ed why she had so cruelly refused to grant him the common privilege that every criminal enjoyed.'' 'Dear Miss Sophy,' said he, addressing himself to her companion, ' give me leave to implore your intercession with your cousin; I am sure you have humanity enough to espouse my cause, did you but know the justice of it; and I flatter myself, that, by your kind interposition, I may be able to rectify that fatal misunderstanding which hath made me wretched.' * Sir,' said Sophy, ' you appear like a gentleman, and I doubt not but your behaviour has been always suitable to your appearance ; but you must excuse me from undertaking any such office in behalf of a person whom I have not the honour to know.' ' Madam,' answered Peregrine, ' I hope Miss Emy will justify my pretensions to that character, notwithstanding the mystery of her displeasure, which, upon my honour, I cannot for my soul explain.' ' Lord ! Mr Pickle,' said Emilia, who had by this time recollected herself, ' I never questioned your gallantry and taste, but I am resolved that you never shall have cause to exercise your talents at my ex- pense ; so that you tease yourself and me to no purpose ; PEREGRINE PICKLE. 135 come, Sophy, let us walk home again.' * Good God ! madam,'' cried the lover, with great emotion, ' why will you distract me with such indifference ? Stay, dear Emilia! I conjure you on my knees to stay and hear me : by all that is sacred I was not to blame ! you must have been im- posed upon by some villain who envied my good fortune, and took some treacherous method to ruin my love.' Miss Sophy, who possessed a large stock of good nature, and to whom her cousin had communicated the cause of her reserve, seeing the young gentleman so much affected with that disdain, which she knew to be feigned, laid hold on Emilia's slet^ve, saying with a smile, — ' Not quite so fast, Emily, I begin to perceive that this is a love-quarrel, and therefore there may be hopes of a reconciliation ; for I sup- pose both parties are open to conviction.' ' For my own part,' cried Peregrine, with great eagerness, ' I appeal to Miss Sophy's decision; but why do I say appeal? Though I am conscious of having committed no offence, I am ready to submit to any penance, let it be ever so rigorous, that my fair enslaver herself shall impose, provided it will entitle me to her favour and forgiveness at last.' Emily, well nigh overcome by this declaration, told him, that, as she taxed him with no guilt, she expected no atonement ; and pressed her companion to return into town. But Sophy, who was too indulgent to her friend's real inclination to comply with her request, observed, that the gentleman seemed so reason- able in his concessions, she began to think her cousin was in the wrong, and tielt herself disposed to act as umpire in the dispute. Overjoyed at this condescension, Mr Pickle thanked her in the most rapturous terms, and, in the transport of his ex- pectation, kissed the hand of his kind mediatrix ; a circum- stance which had a remarkable effect on the countenance of Emilia, who did not seem to relish the warmth of his ac- knowledgment. After many supplications, on one hand, and pressing re- monstrances on the other, she yielded at length, and turn- ing to her lover, while her face was overspread with blushes. 136 THE ADVENTUEES OF * Well, Sir,' said she, ' supposing I were to put the difference on that issue, how could you excuse the ridiculous letter which you sent to me from '\Vinchester ?' This expostula- tion introduced a discussion of the wliole affair, in which all the circumstances were canvassed ; and Emilia still affirmed, with great heat, that the letter must have been calculated to affront her ; for she could not suppose the author was so weak as to design it for any other purpose. Peregrine, who still retained in his memory the substance of this unlucky epistle, as well as the verses which were in- closed, could recollect no particular expression which could have justly given the least umbrage ; and therefore, in the agonies of perplexity, begged that the whole might be sub- mitted to the judgment of Miss Sophy, and faithfully pro- mised to stand to her award. In short, this proposal was, with seeming reluctance, em- braced by Emilia, and an appointment made to meet next day, in the same place, whither both parties were desired to come, provided with their credentials, according to which definitive sentence would be pronounced. Our lover having succeeded thus far, overwhelmed Sophy with acknowledgments on account of her generous media- tion, and, in the course of their walk, which Emily was now in no hurry to conclude, whispered a great many tender pro- testations in the ear of his mistress, who nevertheless con- tinued to act upon the reserve until her doubts should be more fully resolved. Mr Pickle having found means to amuse them in the fields till the twilight, was obliged to wish them good even, after having obtained a solemn repetition of their promise to meet him at the appointed time and place; and then re- treated to his apartment, where he spent the whole night in various conjectures on the subject of this letter, the gordian knot of which he could by no means untie. One while he imagined that some wag had played a trick upon his messenger, in consequence of which Emilia re- ceived a supposititious letter ; but, upon further reflection, Ije could not conceive the practicability of any such deceit. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 137 Then he began to doubt the sincerity of his mistress, who, perliaps, had only made that an handle for discarding him, at the request of some favourite rival ; but his own integrity forbade him to harbour this mean suspicion ; and therefore lie was again involved in the labyrinth of perplexity. Next day he waited on the rack of impatience for the hour of five in the afternoon, which no sooner struck, than he ordered Pipes to attend him, in case there should be occasion for his evidence, and repaired to the place of rendezvous, ■where he had not tarried five minutes before the ladies ap- peared. Mutual compliments being past, and the attendant stationed at a convenient distance. Peregrine persuaded them to sit down upon the grass, under the shade of a spreading oak, that they might be more at their ease; while he stretched himself at their feet, and desired that the paper on which . his doom depended might be examined. It was accordingly put into the hands of his fair arbitress, who read it immedi- ately, with an audible voice. The first two words of it were no sooner pronounced, than he started with great emotion, and raised himself on his hand and knee, in which posture he listened to the rest of the sentence ; then sprung upon his feet in the utmost astonishment, and, glowing with resentment at the same time, exclaimed, ' Hell and the devil ! what's all that ? Sure you make a jest of me, madam.' * Pray, sir,' said Sophy, ' give me the hearing for a few moments, and then urge what you shall think proper in your own de- fence.' Having thus cautioned him, she proceeded : but before she had finished one half of the performance, her gravity forsook her, and she was seized with a violent fit of laughter, in which neither of the lovers could help joining, notwithstanding the resentment which at that instant pre- vailed in the breasts of both. The judge, however, in a little time resumed her solemnity, and having read the re- maining part of this curious epistle, all three continued star- ing at each other alternately for the space of half a minute, and then broke forth at the same instant into another pa- roxysm of mirth. From this unanimous convulsion, one would have thought that both parties were extremely well pleased with the joke : yet this was by no means the case. 138 THE ADVENTUUES OF Emilia imagined, that, notwithstanding his affected sur-^ prise, her lover, in spite of himself, had renewed the laugh at her expense, and, in so doing, applauded his own un- mannerly ridicule. This supposition ceuld not fail of rais- ing and reviving her indignation, while Peregrine highly resented the indignity with which he supposed himself treat- ed, in her attempting to make him the dupe of such a gross and ludicrous artifice. This being the situation of their thoughts, their mirth was succeeded by a mutual gloominess of aspect ; and the judge, addressing herself to Mr Pickle, asked if he had any thing to offer why sentence should not be pronounced ? ' Madam,' answered the culprit, ' I am sorry to find myself so low in the opinion of your cousin, as to be thought capable of being conceived by such a shal- low contrivance." ' Nay, sir,"" said Emilia, ' the contri- vance is your own ; and I cannot help admiring your con- fidence in imputing it to me."" * Upon my honour. Miss Emily,'' resumed our hero, * you wrong my understanding, as well as my love, in accusing me of having written such a silly impertinent performance : the very appearance and ad- dress of it is so unlike the letter which I did myself the ho- nour to write, that I dare say my man, even at this distance of time, will remember the difference.' So saying, he ex- tended his voice and beckoned to Pipes, who immediately drew near. His mistress seemed to object to the evidence, by observing that, to be sure, Mr Pipes had his cue ; when Peregrine begging she would spare him the mortification of considering him in such a dishonourable light, desired his valet to examine the outside of the letter, and recollect if it was the same which he delivered to Miss Gauntlet about two years ago. Pipes having taken a superficial view of it, pull- ed up his breeches, saying, ' Mayhap it is, but we have made so many trips, and been in so many creeks and cor- ners, since that time, that I can't pretend to be certain ; for I neither keep journal nor logbook of our proceedings.' Emilia commended him for his candour, at the same time darting a sarcastic look at his master, as if she thought he had tampered with his servant's integrity in vain ; and Pere- grine began to rave and to curse his fate, for having subjected i PEREGRINE PICKLE. 139 him to such mean suspicion, attesting heaven and earth, in the most earnest manner, that, far from having composed and conveyed that stupid production, he had never seen it before, nor been privy to the least circumstance of the plan. Pipes now, for the first time, perceived the mischief wliich he had occasioned, and, moved with the transports of liis master, for whom he had a most inviolable attachment, frank- ly declared he was ready to make oath that Mr Pickle had no hand in the letter which he delivered. All three were amazed at this confession, the meaning of which they could not comprehend. Peregrine, after some pause, leaped upon Pipes, and seizing him by the throat, exclaimed in an ecstasy of rage, ' rascal ! tell me this instant what became of the letter I intrusted to your care ?' The patient valet, half strangled as he was, squirted a collection of tobacco juice out of one corner of his mouth, and with great deliberation replied, ' why, — burnt it ; you wouldn't have me give the young woman a thing that shook all in the wind in tatters, would you ?' The ladies interposed in behalf of the distress- ed 'squire, from whom, by dint of questions, which he had neither art nor inclination to evade, they extorted an expla- nation of the whole affair. Such ridiculous simplicity and innocence of intention ap- peared in the composition of his expedient, that even the re- membrance of all the chagrin which it had produced could not rouse their indignation, or enable them to resist a third eruption of laughter, which they forthwith underwent. Pipes was dismissed with many menacing injunctions to beware of such conduct for the future ; Emilia stood with a confusion of joy and tenderness in her countenance ; Pere- grine's eyes kindled into rapture, and when Miss Sophy pronounced the sentence of reconciliation, advanced to his mistress, saying, ' truth is mighty and will prevail;' then clasping her in his arms, very impudently ravished a kiss, which she had not power to refuse. Nay, such was the impulse of his joy, that he took the same freedom with the lips of Sophy, calling her his kind mediatrix and guardiaa 140 THE ADVENTURES OF angel, and behaved with such extravagance of transport as plainly evinced the fervour and sincerity of his love. I shall not pretend to repeat the tender protestations that were uttered on one side, or describe the bewitching glances of approbation with which they were received on the other ; suffice it to say, that the endearing intimacy of their former connection was instr.ntly renewed, and Sophy, who congra- tulated them upon the happy termination of their quarrel, favoured with their mutual confidence. In consequence of this happy pacification, they deliberated upon the means of seeing each other often ; and as he could not, without some previous introduction, visit her openly at the house of her relation, they agreed to meet every afternoon in the park, till the next assembly, at which he would solicit her as a partner, and she be unengaged, in expectation of his request. By this connection he would be entitled to visit her next day, and thus an avowed correspondence would of course commence. This plan was actually put in execution, and attended with a circumstance which had well nigh produced some mischievous consequence, had not Peregrine's good fortune been superior to his discretion. CHAPTER XXIV. He achieves an adventure at the assembly y and quarrels with his governor. j\ T the assembly were no fewer than three gentlemen of for- tune, who rivalled our lover in his passion for Emilia, and who had severally begged the honour of dancing with her upon that occasion. She had excused herself to each, on pretence of a slight indisposition that she foresaw would detain her from the ball, and desired they would provide them- selves with other partners. Obliged to admit her excuse, they accordingly followed her advice ; and after they had engaged themselves beyond the power of retracting, had the mortification to see her there unclaimed. They in their turn made up to her, and expressed their PEREGRINE PICKLE. 141 surprise and concern at finding her in the assembly unpro- vided, after she had declined their invitation ; but she told them that her cold had forsaken her since she had the plea- sure of seeing them, and that she would rely upon accident for a partner. Just as she pronounced these words to the last of the three, Peregrine advanced as an utter stranger, bowed with great respect, told her he understood she was unen- gaged, and would think himself highly honoured in being accepted as her partner for the night ; and he had the good fortune to succeed in his application. As they were by far the handsomest and best accomplished couple in the room, they could not fail of attracting the notice and admiration of the spectators, which inflamed the jealousy of his three competitors, who immediately entered into a conspiracy against this gaudy stranger, whom, as their rival, they resolved to affront in public. Pursuant to the plan which they projected for this purpose, the first country dance was no sooner concluded, than one of them, with his partner, took place of Peregrine and his mistress, contrary to the regulation of the ball. Our lover, imputing his behaviour to inadvertency, informed the gentleman of his mistake, and civilly desired he would rectify his error. The other told him, in an imperious tone, that he wanted none of his advice, and bade him mind his own affairs. Pe- regrine answered with some warmth, and insisted upon his right ; a dispute commenced ; high words ensued, in the course of which our impetuous youth, hearing himself re- viled with the appellation of scoundrel, pulled off his anta- gonist's periwig, and flung it in his face. The ladies imme- diately shrieked, the gentlemen interposed, Emilia was seized with a fit of trembling, and conducted to her seat by her youthful admirer, who begged pardon for having discom- posed her, and vindicated what he had done, by represent- ing the necessity he was under to resent the provocation he had received. Though she could not help owning the justice of his plea, she was not the less concerned at the dangerous situation in which he had involved himself, and, in the utmost conster- 142 THE ADVENTURKS OF nation and anxiety, insisted upon going directly home. He could not resist her importunities ; and her cousin being de- termined to accompany her, he escorted them to their lodg- ings, where he wished them good night, after having, in or- der to quiet their apprehensions, protested, tlkit, if his op- ponent was satisfied, he should never take any step towards the prosecution of the quarrel. Meanwhile the assembly- room became a scene of tumult and uproar. The person who conceived himself injured, seeing Peregrine retire, struggled with his companions, in order to pursue and take satisfaction of our hero, whom he loaded with terms of abuse, and challenged to single combat. The director of the ball held a consultation with all the subscribers who were present; and it was determined, by a majority of votes, that the two gentlemen who had occa- sioned the disturbance should be desired to withdraw. This resolution being signified to one of the parties then present, he made some difficulty of complying, but was persuaded to submit by his two confederates, who accompanied him to the street-door, where he was met by Peregrine on his return to the assembly. This choleric gentleman, who was a country 'squire, no sooner saw his rival, than he began to brandish his cudgel in a menacing posture, when our adventurous youth, step- ping back with one foot, laid his hand upon the hilt of his sword, which he drew half way out of the scabbard. This attitude, and the sight of the blade, which glistened by moon- light on his face, checked, in some sort, the ardour of his assailant, who desired he would lay aside his toaster, and take a bout with him at equal arms. Peregrine, who was an expert cudgel-player, accepted the invitation ; then ex- changing weapons with Pipes, who stood behind him, put himself in a posture of defence, and received the attack of his adversary, who struck at random, without either skill or eco- nomy. Pickle could have beaten the cudgel out of his hand at the first blow ; but as, in that case, he would have been obliged in honour to give immediate quarter, he resolved to discipline his antagonist without endeavouring to disable him, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 143 until he should be heartily satisfied with the vengeance he had taken. With this view he returned the salute, and raised such a clatter about the 'squire's pate, that one who had heard, without seeing the application, would have mistaken the sound for that of a salt-box, in the hands of a dextrous Merry Andrew, belonging to one of the booths at Bartholo- mew fair. Neither was this salutation confined to his head; his shoulders, arras, thighs, ancles, and ribs, were visited with amazing rapidity, while Tom Pipes sounded the charge through his fist. Peregrine, tired with this exercise, which had almost bereft his enemy of sensation, at last struck the decisive blow, in consequence of which the 'squire's weapon flew out of his grasp, and he allowed our hero to be the better man. Satisfied with this acknowledgment, the victor walked up stairs, with such elevation of spirits, and insolence of mien, that nobody chose to intimate the resolution which had been taken in his absence : there having amused himself for some time in beholding the country dances, he retreated to his lodging, where he indulged himself all night in the con- templation of his own success. Next day, in the forenoon, he went to visit his partner; and the gentleman at whose house she lived, having been informed of his family and condition, received him with great courtesy, as the acquaintance of his cousin Gauntlet, and invited him to dinner that same day. Emilia was remarkably well pleased, when she understood the issue of his adventure, which began to make some noise in town, even though it deprived her of a wealthy admirer. The 'squire having consulted an attorney about the nature of the dispute, m hopes of being able to prosecute Peregrine for an assault, found little encouragement to go to law : he therefore resolved to pocket the insult and injury he had undergone, and to discontinue his addresses to her who was the cause of both. Our lover being told by his mistress, that she proposed to stay a fortnight longer at AVindsor, he determined to enjoy her company all that time, and then to give her a convoy to the house of her mother, whom he longed to see. In con- Ui THE ADVEXTUllES Or sequence of this plan, he every day contrived some fresli party of pleasure for the ladies, to whom he had by this time free access ; and entangled himself so much in the snares of love, that he seemed quite enchanted by Emilia's charms, which were now indeed almost irresistible. AVhile he thus heedlessly roved in the flowery paths of pleasure, his gover- nor at Oxford, alarmed at the unusual duration of his ab- sence, went to the young gentlemen who had accompanied him in his excursion, and very earnestly entreated them to tell him what they knew concerning his pupil. They ac- cordingly gave him an account of the rencounter that hap- pened between Peregrine and Miss Emily Gauntlet in the castle, and mentioned circumstances sufficient to convince him that his charge was very dangerously engaged. Far from having an authority over Peregrine, Mr Jolter durst not even disoblige him ; therefore, instead of writing to the commodore, he took horse immediately, and that same night reached Windsor, where he found his stray sheep very much surprised at his unexpected arrival. The governor desiring to have some private conversation with him, they shut themselves up in an apartment, when Jolter, with great solemnity, communicated the cause of his journey, which was no other than his concern for his pupil's welfare; and very gravely undertook to prove, by mathema- tical demonstration, that this intrigue, if fiirther pursued, would tend to the young gentleman's ruin and disgrace. This singular proposition raised the curiosity of Peregrine, who promised to yield all manner of attention, and desired him to begin without farther preamble. The governor, encouraged by this appearance of candour, expressed his satisfaction in finding him so open to convic- tion, and told him he would proceed upon geometrical prin- ciples. Then, hemming thrice, he observed, that no mathe- matical inquiries could be carried on, except upon certain data, or concession to truths, that were self-evident ; and therefore he must crave his assent to a few axioms, which he was sure Mr Pickle would see no reason to dispute, ' In the first place then,' said he, ' you will grant, I hope, that PEREGRINE TICKLE. 145 youth and discretion are, with respect to each other, as two parallel lines, which, though infinitely produced, remain still equidistant, and will never coincide ; and then you must allow, that passion acts upon the human mind in a ratio compounded of the acuteness of sense and constitutional heat ; and, thirdly, you will not deny that the angle of remorse is equal to that of precipitation. The postulata being admit- ted,' added he, taking pen, ink, and paper, and drawing a parallelogram, ' let youth be represented by the right line A B, and discretion by another right line C D, parallel to the former. Complete the parallelogram A B C D, and let the point of intersection, B, represent perdition. Let passion, represented under the letter C, have a motion in the direction C A. At the same time, let another motion be communi- cated to it, in the direction of C D, it will proceed in the dia- gonal C B, and describe it in the same time that it would have described the side C A by the first motion, or the side C D by the second. To understand the demonstration of this corollary, we must premise this obvious principle, that, when a body is acted upon by a motion of power parallel to a right line given in position, this power or motion, has no effect to cause the body to approach towards that line, or recede from it, but to move in a line parallel to a right line only, as appears from the second law of motion ; therefore C A being parallel to D B,' His pupil having listened to him thus far, could contain himself no longer, but interrupted the investigation with a loud laugh, and told him, that his postulata put him in mind of a certain learned and ingenious gentleman, who under- took to disprove the existence of natural evil, and asked no other datum on which to found his demonstration, but an acknowledgment that every thing that is is right. ' You may therefore,'' said he, in a peremptory tone, 'spare yourself the trouble of torturing your invention ; for after all, I am pretty certain that I shall want capacity to comprehend the discussion of your lemma, and consequently be obliged to refuse my assent to your deduction.' Mr Joker was disconcerted at this declaration, and so much offended at Peregrine's disrepect, that he could not Vol. II. K 146 THE ADVENTURES OF help expressing his displeasure, by telling him flatly, that he was too violent and headstrong to be reclaimed by reason and gentle means; that he (the tutor,) must be obliged in the discharge of his duty and conscience to inform the com- modore of his pupiFs imprudence ; that if the laws of this realm were effectual, they would take cognizance of the gipsey who had led him astray ; and observed, by way of contrast, that if such a preposterous intrigue had happened in France, she would have been clapped up in a convent two years ago. Our lover's eyes kindled with indignation, when he heard his mistress treated with such irreverence. He could scarce refrain from inflicting manual chastisement on the blasphe- mer, whom he reproached in his wrath as an arrogant pe- dant, without either delicacy or sense ; and cautioned him against using any such impertinent freedoms with his affairs for the future, on pain of incurring more severe effects of his resentment. Mr Jolter, who entertained very high notions of that ve- neration to which he thought himself entitled by his charac- ter and qualifications, had not bore, without repining, his want of influence and authority over his pupil, against whom he cherished a particular grudge ever since the adventure of the painted eye ; and therefore, on this occasion, his politic forbearance had been overcome by the accumulated motives of his disgust. Indeed, he would have resigned his charge with disdain, had he not been encouraged to persevere, by the hopes of a good living which Trunnion had in his gift, or known how to dispose of himself for the present to better advantage. CHAPTER XXV. He receives a letter from his aunt, breaks with the commo- dore, and disobliges the lieutenant, who, nevertheless, un- dertakes his cause. J\l EANWHiLE he quitted the youth in high dudgeon, and that same evening dispatched a letter for Mrs Trunnion, which was dictated by the first transports of his passion, and PEREGRINE PICKLE. 147 of course replete with severe animadversions on the miscon- duct of his pupil. In consequence of this complaint, it was not long before Peregrine received an epistle from his aunt, wherein she com- memorated all the circumstances of the commodore"'s bene- volence towards him, when he was helpless and forlorn, de- serted and abandoned by his own parents ; upbraided him for his misbehaviour and neglect of hi§ tutor"'s advice, and insisted upon his breaking off all intercourse with that girl who had seduced his youth, as he valued the continuance of her affection and her husband's regard. As our lover's own ideas of generosity were extremely re- fined, he was shocked at the indelicate insinuations of Mrs Trunnion, and felt all the pangs of an ingenuous mind that labours under obligations to a person whom it contemns. Far from obeying her injunction, or humbling himself by a submissive answer to her reprehension, his resentment buoy- ed him up above every selfish consideration ; he resolved to attach himself to Emilia, if possible, more than ever ; and although he was tempted to punish the ofiiciousness of Jolter, by recriminating upon his life and conversation, he gene- rously withstood the impulse of his passion, because he knew that his governor had no other dependence than the good opinion of the commodore. He could not, however, digest in silence the severe expostulations of his aunt ; to which he replied by the following letter, addressed to her husband : — ' Sir, though my temper could never stoop to oflPer, nor. I be- lieve, your disposition deign to receive, that gross incense which the illiberal only expect, and none but the base minded conde- pend to pay, my sentiments have al^vays done justice to your ge- nerosity, and my intention scrupulously adiiered to the dictates of my duty. Conscious of this integrity of heart, I cannot but se- verely feel your lady's unkind (1 will not call it ungenerous) re- capitulation of the favours I have received ; and, as I take it for granted that you knew and approved of her letter. I must beg leave to assure you, that far from being .swayed bv menaces and reproach, lam determined to embrace the most abject extremity of fortune, rather than submit to such a dishonourable compul- sion. When 1 am treated in a more delicate and respectable manner, I hope I shall behave as becomes, Sir, your obliged, ♦ JP. Pickle.' 148 THE ADVENTUKES OF The commodore, who did not understand those nice dis^ tinctions of behaviour, and dreaded the consequence of Pe- regrine''s amour, against which he was strangely preposses- sed, seemed exasperated at the insolence and obstinacy of his adopted son ; to whose epistle he wrote the following an- swer, which was transmitted by the hands of Hatchway, who had orders to bring the delinquent along with him to the garrison : * Hark ye child, you need not bring your fine speeches to bear upon me. You only expend your ammunition to no purpose. Your aunt told you nothing but truth; for it is always fair and honest to be above board d'ye see. 1 am informed as how you are in chase of a painted galley, which will decoy you upon the flats of destruction, unless you keep a better look-out and a surer reckoning than you have hitherto done ; and I have sent Jack Hatchway to see how the land lies, and warn you of your dan- ger. If so be as you will put about ship, and let him steer you into this harbour, you shall meet with a safe birth and friendly reception; but if you refuse to alter your course, you cannot expect any further assistance, from yours, as you behave, Hawser Trunnion.' Peregrine was equally piqued and disconcerted at the re- ceipt of this letter, which was quite different from what he had expected, and declared in a resolute tone to the lieu- tenant, who brought it, that he might return as soon as he pleased, for he was determined to consult his own inclination, and remain for some time longer where he was. Hatchway endeavoured to persuade him by all the argu- ments which his sagacity and friendship could supply, to shew a little more deference for the old man, who was by this time rendered fretful and peevish by the gout, which now hindered him from enjoying himself as usual, and who might, in his passion, take some step very much to the de- triment of the young gentleman, whom he had hitherto con- sidered as his own son. Among other remonstrances. Jack observed that mayhaps Peregrine had got under Emilia's hatches, and did not choose to set her adrift ; and if that was the case, he himself would take charge of the vessel, and see her cargo safely delivered ; for he had a respect for the young woman, and his needle pointed towards matrimony ; PEREGRINE PICKLE. 149 and as, in all probability, she could not be much the worse for the wear, he would make shift to scud through life with her under an easy sail. Our lover was deaf to all his admonitions, and, having thanked him for this last instance of his complaisance, re- peated his resolution of adhering to his first purpose. Hatch- way having profited so little by mild exhortations, assumed a more peremptory aspect, and plainly told him he neither could nor would go home without him ; so he had best make immediate preparation for the voyage. Peregrine made no other reply to this declaration than by a contemptuous smile, and rose from his seat in order to re- tire ; upon which the lieutenant started up, and posting him- self by the door, protested, with some menacing gestures, that he would not suffer him to run a-head neither. The other incensed at his presumption, in attempting to detain him by force, tripped up his wooden leg, and laid him on his back in a moment ; then walked deliberately towards the park, in order to indulge his reflection, which at that time teemed with disagreeable thoughts. He had not proceeded two hundred steps, when he heard something blowing and stamping behind him ; and, looking back, perceived the lieutenant at his heels, with rage and indignation in his countenance. This exasperated seaman, impatient of the affront he had received, and forgetting all the circumstances of their former intimacy, advanced with great eagerness to his old friend, saying, — ' look ye, brother, you're a saucy boy, and if you was at sea, I would have your backside brought to the davit for your disobedience ; but as we are on shore, you and I must crack a pistol at one another; here is a brace, you shall take which you please.' Peregrine, upon recollection, was sorry for having been laid under the necessity of disobliging honest Jack, and Tery frankly asked his pardon for what he had done. But this condescension was misinterpreted by the other, who re- fused any other satisfaction but that which an officer ought to claim ; and, with some irreverent expressions, asked if Perry was afraid of his bacon. The youth, inflamed at 150 THE ADVENTURES OF this unjust insinuation, darted a ferocious look at the chal- lenger, told him he had paid but too much regard to his in- firmities, and bid him walk forward to the park, where he would soon convince him of his error, if he thought his con- cession proceeded from fear. About this time, they were overtaken by Pipes, who hav- ing heard the lieutenant's fall, and seen him pocket his pistols, suspected that there was a quarrel in the case, and followed him with a view of protecting his master. Pere- grine seeing him arrive, and guessing his intention, assum- ed an air of serenity, and pretending that he had left his handkerchief at the inn, ordered his man to go thither and fetch it to him in the park, where he would find them at his return. This command was twice repeated before Tom would take any other notice of the message, except by shak- ing his head ; but being urged with many threats and curses to obedience, he gave them to understand that he knew their drift too well to trust them by themselves. ' As for you. Lieutenant Hatchway,' said he, ' I have been your ship- mate, and know you to be a sailor, that's enough; and as for master, I know him to be as good a man as ever stepped betwixt stem and stern, whereby, if you have any thing to say to him, I am your man, as the saying is. Here's my sap- pling, and I don"t value your crackers of a rope's end.' This oration, the longest that ever Pipes was known to make, he concluded wiih a flourish of his cudgel, and en- forced with such determined refusals to leave them, that they found it impossible to bring the cause to mortal arbi- trement at that time, and strolled about the park in profound silence; during which. Hatchway's indignation subsiding, he all of a sudden thrust out his hand as an advance to re- conciliation, which being cordially shaken by Peregrine, a general pacification ensued ; and was followed by a consulta- tion about the means of extricating the youth from his pre- sent perplexity. Had his disposition been like that of most other young men, it would have been no difficult task to over- come his difficulties ; but such was the obstinacy of his pride, that he deemed himself bound in honour to resent I TEEEGRINE PICKLE. 151 tlie letters he had received ; and, instead of submitting to the pleasure of the commodore, expected an acknowledgment from him, without which he would listen to no terms of ac- commodation. ' Had I been his own son,' said he, ' I should have bore his reproof, and sued for forgiveness ; but know- ing myself to be on the footing of an orphan, who depends entirely upon his benevolence, I am jealous of every thing that can be construed into disrespect, and insist upon be- ing treated with the most punctual regard. I shall now make application to my father, who is obliged to provide for me by the ties of nature, as well as the laws of the land ; and if he shall refuse to do me justice, I can never want em- ployment while men are required for his majesty's service.' The lieutenant, alarmed. at this intimation, begged he would take no new step until he should hear from him ; and that very evening set out for the garrison, where he gave Trunnion an account of the miscarriage of his nego- ciation, told him how highly Peregrine was offended at the letter, communicated the young gentleman's sentiments and resolution, and, finally, assured him, that, unless he should think proper to ask pardon for the offence he had committed, he would, in all appearance, never more behold the face of his godson. The old commodore was utterly confounded at this piece of intelligence : he had expected all the humility of obedi- ence and contrition from the young man; and, instead of that, received nothing but the most indignant opposition, and even found himself in the circumstances of an offender, obhg- ed to make atonement, or forfeit all correspondence with his favourite. These insolent conditions at first threw him into an agony of wrath, and he vented execrations with such rapidity, that he left himself no time to breathe, and had almost been suffocated with his choler. He inveighed bit- terly against the ingratitude of Peregrine, whom he men- tioned with many opprobrious epithets, and swore that he ought to be keelhauled for his presumption ; but when he began to reflect more coolly upon the spirit of the young gentleman^ which had already manifested itself on many 152 THE ADVENTURES OF occasions, and listened to the suggestions of Hatchway, whom he had always considered as an oracle in his way, his resentment abated, and he determined to take Perry into favour again ; this placability being not a little facilitated by Jack's narrative of our hero's intrepid behaviour at the assembly, as well as in the contest with him in the park. But still this plaguy amour occurred like a bugbear to his imagination ; for he held it as an inMlible maxim, that woman was an eternal source of misery to man. Indeed this apothegm he seldom repeated since his marriage, ex- cept in the company of a very few intimates, to whose se- crecy and discretion he could trust. Finding Jack himself at a nonplus in the affair of Emilia, he consulted Mrs Trunnion, who was equally surprised and offended, when she understood that her letter did not produce the desired effect ; and, after having imputed the youth's obstinacy to his uncle's unseasonable indulgence, had recourse to the ad- vice of the parson, who, still with an eye to his friend's ad- vantage, counselled them to send the young gentleman on his travels, in the course of which he would, in all probabi- lity, forget the amusements of his greener years. The pro- posal was judicious, and immediately approved, when Trun- nion, going into his closet, after divers efforts, produced the following billet, with which Jack departed for Windsor that same afternoon. * MY GOOD LAD, * If I gave offence in my last letter, I'm sorry for't d'ye see ; I thought it was the likeliest way to bring you up ; but, in time to come, you shall have a larger swing of cable. When you can spare time, 1 shall be glad if you will make a short trip, and see your aunt, and him who is your loving godfather and humble servant, • Hawser Trunnion. * P. S. If you want money you may draw upon me payable at sight.' I PEREGRINE PICKLE. 153 CHAPTER XXVI. He becomes melancholy and despondent ; isjavoured with a cmidescending letter from his uncle; reconciles himself to his governor^ and sets out with Emilia and her friend Jor Mrs Gauntlet's house. i EREGRiNE, fortified as he was with pride and indignation, did not fail to feel the smarting suggestions of his present situation ; after having lived so long in an affluent and im- perious manner, he could ill brook the thoughts of sub- mitting to the mortifying exigencies of life. All the gaudy schemes of pomp and pleasure, which his luxuriant ima- gination had formed, began to dissolve, a train of melan- choly ideas took possession of his thoughts, and the pros- pect of losing Emilia was not the least part of his afflic- tion. Though he endeavoured to suppress the chagrin that preyed upon his heart, he could not conceal the disturb- ance of his mind from the penetration of that amiable young lady, who sympathised with him in her heart, though she could not give her tongue the liberty of asking the cause of his disorder ; for, notwithstanding all the ardour of his addresses, he never could obtain from her the declaration of a mutual flame ; because, though he had hitherto treated her with the utmost reverence of respect, he had never once mentioned the final aim of his passion. However honour- able she supposed it to be, she had discernment enough to foresee, that vanity or interest co-operating with the levity of youth, might one day deprive her of her lover, and she was too proud to give him any handle of exulting at her expense. Although he was received by her with the most distinguished civility, and even an intimacy of friendship, all his solicitations could never extort from her an acknow- ledgment of love ; on the contrary, being of a gay dispo- sition, she sometimes coquetted with other admirers, that his attention thus whetted might never abate, and that he might see she had other resources, in case he should flag in his affection. This being the prudential plan on which she acted, it 154! THE ADVENTURES OF cannot be supposed that she would condescend to inquire into the state of his thoughts, when she saw him thus af- fected ; but she, nevertheless, imposed that task on her cousin and confidant, who, as they walked together in the park, observed that he seemed to be out of humour. When this is the case, such a question generally increases the dis- ease ; at least it had that effect upon Peregrine, who re- plied somewhat peevishly, ' I assure you, madam, you never was more mistaken in your observations.'' — ' I think so too,' said Emilia, ' for I never saw Mr Pickle in higher spirits.' This ironical encomium completed his confusion ; he afl'ected to smile, but it was a smile of anguish, and in his heart he cursed the vivacity of both. He could not for hi« soul recollect himself so as to utter one connected sentence ; and the suspicion that they observed every circumstance of his behaviour, threw such a damp on his spirits, that he was quite overwhelmed with shame and resentment, when Sophy, casting her eyes toward the gate, said, ' Yonder is your servant, Mr Pickle, with another man who seems to have a wooden leg.' Peregrine started at this inteUigence, and immediately underwent sundry changes of complexion, know- ing that his fate in a great measure depended upon the in- formation he would receive from his friend. Hatchway advancing to the company, after a brace of sea bows to the ladies, took the youth aside, and put the commodore's letter into his hand, which threw him into such an agitation, that he could scarce pronounce ' Ladies, will you give me leave?' When, in consequence of their permission, he attempted to open the billet, he fumbled with such manifest disorder, that his mistress, who watched his motions, began to think there was something very inte- resting in the message ; and so much was she affected with his concern, that she was fain to turn her head another way, and wipe the tears from her lovely eyes. Meanwhile Peregrine no sooner read the first sentence, than his countenance, which before was overcast with a deep gloom, began to be lighted up, and every feature unbend- ing by degrees, he recovered his serenity. Having perused PEREGRINE PICKLE. 155 the letter, his eyes sparkling with joy and gratitude, he hug- ged the lieutenant in his arms, and presented him to the ladies as one of his best friends. Jack met with a most gracious reception, and shook Eniiha by the hand, telling her, with the familiar appellation of old acquaintance^ that he did not care how soon he was master of such another clean- going frigate as herself. The whole company partook of this favourable change that evidently appeared in our lover's recollection, and enlivened his conversation with such an uncommon flow of sprightliness and good humour, as even made an impression on the iron countenance of Pipes himself, who actually smiled with satisfaction as he walked behind them. The evening being pretty far advanced, they directed their course homeward ; and while the valet attended Hatch- way to the inn, Peregrine escorted the ladies to their lod- gings, where he owned the justness of Sophy's remark, in saying he was out of humour, and told them he had been extremely chagrined at a difference which had happened between him and his uncle, to whom (by the letter which they had seen him receive) he now found himself happily reconciled. Having received their congratulations, and declined stay- ing to sup with them, on account of the longing desire he had to converse with his friend Jack, he took his leave, and repaired to the inn, where Hatchway informed him of every thing that had happened in the garrison upon his repre- sentations. Far from being disgusted, he was perfectly well pleased with the prospect of going abroad, which flattered his vanity and ambition, gratified his thirst after knowledge, and indulged that turn for observation, for which he had been remarkable from his most tender years. Neither did he believe a short absence would tend to the prejudice of his love, but, on the contrary, enhance the value of his heart, because he should return better accomplished, and conse- quently a more welcome offering to his mistress. Elevated with these sentiments, his heart dilated with joy, and the sluices of his natural benevolence being opened by this hap- 156 THE ADVENTURES OF py turn of his affairs, he sent his compliments to Mr Jolter, to whom he had not spoken during a whole week, and de- sired he would favour Mr Hatchway and him with his com- pany at supper. The governor was not weak enough to decline this invi- tation ; in consequence of which he forthwith appeared, and was cordially welcomed by the relenting pupil, who ex- pressed his sorrow for the misunderstanding which had pre- vailed between them, and assured him, that, for the future, he would avoid giving him any just cause of complaint. Jolter, who did not want affection, was melted by this acknowledgment, ^*hich he could not have expected, and earnestly protested, that his chief study had always 'been, and ever should be, to promote Mr Pickle's interest and happiness. The best part of the night being spent in the circulation of a cheerful glass, the company broke up ; and next morn- ing Peregrine went out with a view of making his mistress acquainted with his uncle's intention of sending him out of the kingdom for his improvement, and of saying every thing which he thought necessary for the interest of his love. He found her at breakfast with her cousin ; and, as he was very full of the subject of his visit, had scarce fixed him- self in his seat, when he brought it upon the carpet, by asking, with a smile, if the ladies had any commands for Paris .'' Emilia, at this question began to stare, and her con- fident desired to know who was going thither. He no sooner gave them to understand that he himself intended in a short time to visit that capital, than his mistress, with great pre- cipitation, wished him a good journey, and affected to talk with indifference about the pleasures he would enjoy in France : but when he seriously assured Sophy, who asked if he was in earnest, that his uncle actually insisted upon his making a short tour, the tears gushed in poor Emilia's eyes, and she was at great pains to conceal her concern, by observing that the tea was so scalding hot, as to make her eyes water. This pretext was too thin to impose upon her lover, or even deceive the observation of her friend Sophy, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 15T who, after breakfast, took an opportunity of quitting the room. Thus left by themselves, Peregrine imparted to her what he had learned of the commodore''s intention, without, how- ever, mentioning a syllable of his being offended at their cor- respondence, and accompanied his information with such fervent vows of eternal constancy and solemn promises of a speedy return, that Emilia's heart, which had been in- vaded by a suspicion that this scheme of travelling was the effect of her lover"'s inconstancy, began to be more at ease ; and she could not help signifying her approbation of his design. This affair being amicably compromised, he asked how soon she proposed to set out for her mother's house ; and understanding that her departure was fixed for next day but one, and that her cousin Sophy intended to accompany her in her father's chariot, he repeated his intention of at- tending her. In the meantime he dismissed his governor and the lieutenant to the garrison, with his compliments to his aunt and the commodore, and a faithful promise of his being with them in six days at farthest. These previous measures being taken, he, attended by Pipes, set out with the ladies ; and they had also a convoy for twelve miles from Sophy's father, who at parting recom- mended them piously to the care of Peregrine, with whom, by this time, he was perfectly well acquainted. CHAPTER XXVII. They meet with a dreadful alarm on the road — arrive at their journey's end — Peregrine is introduced to Emihfs brother — these two young gentlemen misunderstand each other — Pickle departs for the garrison. A s they travelled at an easy rate, they had performed some- thing more than one half of their journey, when they were benighted near an inn, at which they resolved to lodge : the accommodation was very good; they supped together 158 THE ADVENTURES OF mth great mirth and enjoyment, and it was not till after he had been warned by the yawns of the ladies, that he con- ducted them to their apartment ; where wishing them good night, he retired to his own, and went to rest. The house was crowded with country people who had been at a neio;hbouring fair, and now regaled themselves with ale and tobacco in the yard ; so that their consideration, which at any time was but slender, being now overwhelmed by this debauch, they stacrgered into their respective ken- nels, and left a lighted candle sticking to one of the wooden pillars that supported the gallery. The flame in a little time laid hold on the wood, which was as dry as tinder, and the whole gallery was on fire, when Peregrine suddenly awaked, and found himself almost suffocated. He sprung up in an instant, slipped on his breeches, and throwing open the door of his chamber, saw the whole entry in a blaze. Heavens ! what were the emotions of his soul, when he beheld the volumes of flame and smoke rolling towards the room where his dear Emilia say ! Regardless of his own dan- ger, he darted himself through the thickest of the gloom, when knocking hard, and caUing at the same time to the la- dies, with the most anxious entreaty to be admitted, the door was opened by Emilia in her shift, who asked, with the utmost trepidation, what was the matter ? He made no re- ply, but snatching her up in his arms, like another JEneas, bore her through the flames to a place of safety ; where, leaving her before she could recollect herself, or pronounce one word, but ' alas ! my cousin Sophy !"* he flew back to the rescue of that young lady, and found her already deliver- ed by Pipes, who, having been alarmed by the smell of fire, had got up, rushed immediately to the chamber where he knew these companions lodged, and (Emily being saved by her lover) brought oft" Miss Sophy with the loss of his own shock head of hair, which was singed off" in his retreat. By this time the whole inn was alarmed ; every lodger as well as servant, exerted himself, in order to stop the progress of this calamity ; and there being a well replenished horse- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 159 pond in the yard, in less than an hour the fire was totally- extinguished, without having done any other damage than that of consuming about two yards of the wooden gallery. All this time our young gentleman closely attended his fair charge, each of whom had swooned with apprehension ; but as their constitutions were good, and their spirits not easily dissipated, when upon reflection they found them- selves and their company safe, and that the flames were hap- pily quenched, the tumult of their fears subsided, they put on their clothes, recovered their good humour, and bet; an to rally each other on the trim in which they had been secured. Sophy observed, that now Mr Pjckle had an indisputable claim to her cousin's affection ; and therefore she ought to lay aside all afi^ected reserve for the future, and frankly avow the sentiments of her heart. Emily retorted the argument, putting her in mind, that, by the same claim, Mr Pipes was entitled to the like return from her. Her friend admit- ted the force of the conclusion, provided she could not find means of satisfying her deliverer in another shape ; and turning to the valet, who happened to be present, asked, if his heart was not otherwise engaged ? Tom, who did not conceive the meaning of the question, stood silent according to custom ; and the interrogation being repeated, answered, with a grin, ' heart whole as a biscuit, I'll assure you, mistress.' ' What !' said Emilia, ' have you never been in love, Thomas?' ' Yes, forsooth,' replied the valet, with- out hesitation, ' sometimes of a morning.' Peregrine could not help laughing, and his mistress looked a little disconcert- ed at this blunt repartee : while Sophy slipping a purse into his hand, told him there was something to purchase a peri- wig. Tom, having consulted his master's eyes, refused the present, saying, ' No, thank ye as much as if I did.' And though she insisted upon his putting it in his pocket, as a small testimony of her gratitude, he could not be prevailed upon to avail himself of her generosity ; but, following her to the other end of the room, thrust it into her sleeve with- out ceremony, exclaiming, — ' I'll be damn'd to hell if I do."* Peregrine having checked him for his boorish behaviour, sent 160 THE ADVENTURES OF him out of the room, and begged that Miss Sophy vould not endeavour to debauch the morals of his servant, who, rough and uncultivated as he was, had sense enough to per- ceive that he had no pretension to any such acknowledge- ment. But she argued with great vehemence that she should never be able to make an acknowledgment adequate to the service he had done her, and that she should never be per- fectly easy in her own mind, until she found some opportu- nity of manifiesting the sense she had of the obligation : * I do not pretend,' said she, 'to reward Mr Pipes; but I shall be absolutely unhappy, unless I am allowed to give him some token of my regard.' Peregrine, thus earnestly solicited, desired that, since she was bent upon displaying her generosity, she would not be- stow upon him any pecuniary gratification, but honour him with some trinket, as a mark of consideration ; because he himself had such a particular value for the fellow, on account of his attachment and fidelity, that he should be sorry to see him treated on the footing of a common merce- nary domestic. There was not one jewel in the possession of this grate- ful young lady, that she would not have gladly given as a recompence, or badge of distinction, to her rescuer; but his master pitched upon a seal ring of no great value, that hung at her watch, and Pipes being called in, had permis- sion to accept that testimony of Miss Sophy's favour. Tom received it accordingly with sundry scrapes, and, having kissed it with great devotion, put it on his little finger, and strutted off, extremely proud of his acquisition. Emilia, with a most enchanting sweetness of aspect, told her lover, that he had instructed her how to behave towards him ; and taking a diamond ring from her finger, desired he would wear it for her sake. He received the pledge as became him, and presented another in exchange, which she at first refused, alleging, that it would destroy the intent of her acknowledgment ; but Peregrine assured her, he had accepted her jewel, not as a proof of her gratitude, but as the mark of her love ; and that, if she refused a mutual token» PEREGRINE PICKLE. 161 he should look upon himself as the object of her disdain. Her eyes kindled, and her cheeks glowed, with resentment, at this impudent intimation, which she considered as an unseasonable insult ; and the young gentleman perceiving her emotion, stood corrected for his temerity, and asked pardon for the liberty of his remonstrance, which he hoped she would ascribe to the prevalence of that principle alone which he had always taken pride in avowing. Sophy, seeing him disconcerted, interposed in his behalf, and chid her cousin for having practised such unnecessary affectation ; upon which Emilia, softened into compliance, held out her finger as a signal of her condescension. Pere- grine put on the ring with great eagerness, mumbled her soft white hand in an ecstacy which would not allow him to confine his embraces to that limb, but urged him to seize lier by the waist, and snatch a delicious kiss from her love- pouting lips ; nor would he leave her a butt to the ridicule of Sophy, on whose mouth he instantly committed a rape of the same nature ; so that the two friends, countenanced by each other, reprehended him with such gentleness of rebuke that he was almost tempted to repeat the offence. The morning being now lighted up, and the servants of the inn on foot, he ordered some chocolate for breakfast, and, at the desire of the ladies sent Pipes to see the horses fed and the chariot prepared, while he went to the bar, and discharged the bill. These measures being taken, they set out about five o'clock, and having refreshed themselves and their cattle at another inn on the road, proceeded in the afternoon. Without meet- ing with any other accident, they safely arrived at the place of their destination, where Mrs Gauntlet expressed her joy at seeing her old friend Mr Pickle, whom, however, slio kindly reproached for the long discontinuance of his regard. Without explaining the cause of that interruption, he pro- tested, that his love and esteem had never been discontinued, and that, for the future^ he should omit no occasion of testi- fying how much he had her friendship at heart. She then Vol. 11. L 1G2 THE ADVENTURES OF made him acquainted with her son, who at that time was iu the house, being excused from his duty by furlough. This young man, whose name was Godfrey, was about the age of. twenty, of a middling size, vigorous make, re- markably well shaped, and the scars of the small pox, of which he bore a good number, added a peculiar manliness to the air of his countenance. His capacity was good, and his disposition naturally frank and easy ; but he had been a soldier from his infancy, and his education was altogether in the military style. He looked upon taste and letters as mere pedantry, beneath the consideration of a gentleman; and every civil station of life as mean, when compared with the profession of arms. He had made great progress in the gymnastic sciences of dancing, fencing, and riding, played perfectly well on the German flute, and, above all things, valued himself upon a scrupulous observance of all the points of honour. Had Peregrine and he considered themselves upon equal footing, in all probability they would liave immediately en- tered into a league of intimacy and friendship ; but this sufficient soldier looked upon his sister's admirer as a young student raw from the university, and utterly ignorant of mankind ; while 'Squire Pickle beheld Godfrey in the light of a needy volunteer, greatly inferior to himself in fortune, as well as every other accomplishment. This mutual mis- understanding could not fail of producing animosities. The very next day after Peregrine's arrival, some sharp repartees passed between them in presence of the ladies, before whom each endeavoured to assert his own superiority. In these contests our hero never failed of obtaining the victory, be- cause his genius was more acute, and his talents better cul- tivated than those of his antagonist, who therefore took um- brage at his success, became jealous of liis reputation, and began to treat him with marks of scorn and disrespect. His sister saw, and dreading the consequences of his fe- rocity, not only took him to task in private for his impolite behavishe slandered in all companies ; she exclaimed against the commodore as an old ruffian, who spirited up a rebelliou among her children, and imputed the hospitality of his wife, in countenancing them, to nothing else but her inve- terate enmity to their mother, whom they had disobliged. She now insisted, in the most peremptory terms, upon her husband's renouncing all commerce with the old lad of the castle and his adherents ; and Mr Gamaliel, having by this time contracted other friendships, readily submitted to her will, nay, even refused to communicate with the commodore 18S THE ADVENTURES OF one night, when they happened to meet by accident at the public house. CHAPTER XXXII. The commodore sends a challenge to Gamaliel, and is im- posed upon hy a waggish invention of the lieutenant. Pe- regrine, and Gauntlet. 1 HIS affront Trunnion could by no means digest ; he ad- vised with the lieutenant upon the subject ; and the result of their consultation was a defiance which the old commander sent to Pickle, demanding that he would meet him at such a place on horseback with a brace of pistols, and give satis- faction for the shght he had put upon him. Nothing could have afforded more pleasure to Jack than the acceptance of this challenge, wliich he delivered verbally to Mr Gamaliel, who was called out from the club at Tunley's for that purpose. The nature of this message had an instantaneous effect upon the constitution of the pacific Pickle, whose bowels yearned with apprehension, and un- derwent such violent agnation on the spot, that one would have ihought the operation proceeded from some severe joke of the apotfiecary, which he had swallowed in his beer. The messenger, despairing of a satisfactory answer, left bim in this woeful condition ; and, being lothc to lose any opportunity of raising the laugh against the commodore, went mimediately and communicated the whole affair to the young gentlemen, entreating them, for the love of God, to concert some means of bringing old Hannibal into the field. The two friends relished the })roposal, and, after some deli- beration, it was resolved that Hatchway should tell Trun- nion his invitation was accepted by Gamaliel, who would meet him, at the place appointed, with his second, to-mor- row in the twilight, becUuse, if cither should fall, the other would have the better chance for escaping in the dark ; that Godfrey should personate old Pickle's friend, and Peregrine represent his own father, while the lieutenant should take PEREGRINE PICKLE. 189 care, in loading the pistols, to keep out the shot, so that no damage might be done in the rencounter. These circumstances being adjusted, the lieutenant re- turned to his principal with a most thun-^ering reply from his antagonist, whose courageous behaviour, though it could not intimidate, did not fail to astonish the commodore, who ascribed it to the spirit of his wifie, which had inspired him. Trunnion that instant desred his counsellor to pre- pare his cartridge-box, and order the quietest horse in the stable to be kept ready saddled for the occasion; his eye seemed to lighten with alacrity and pleasure at the prospect of smelling gunpowder once more before his death ; and when Jack advised him to make his will, in case of accident, he rejected his counsel with disdain, saying, — ' what ! dost think that Hawser Trunnion, who has stood the fire of so many floating batteries, runs any risk from the lousy pops of a landman ? thou shalt see, thou shalt see how I shall make him lower his topsails.' Next day Peregrine and the soldier provided themselves with horses at the public bouse, from whence, at the destined hour, they rode to the field of battle, each of them being muffled in a great coat, which, with the dimness of the light, effectually shielded them from the knowledge of the one-eyed commander, who having taken horse on pretence of enjoying the fresh air, soon ap- peared with Hatchway in his rear. When they came with- in sight of each other, the seconds advanced, in order to divide the ground, and regulate the measures of the com- bat ; when it was determined, by mutual consent, that two pistols should be discharged on each side, and that, if neither should prove decisive, recourse must be had to the broad swords, in order to ascertain the victory. These ar- ticles being settled, the opponents rode forward to their re- spective stations, when Peregrine, cocking bis pistol, and pre- senting, counterfeited his father's voice, bidding Trunnion take care of his remaining eye. The commodore took his advice, being unwilling to hazard his day-light, and very deliberately opposed the patched side of his face to the muz- zle of his antagonist's piece, desiring him to do his duty 190 'JXIE ADVKNTUllES OF without farther javr. The young man accordingly fired, and the distance being small, the wad of his pistol took place with a smart stroke on the forehead of Trunnion, who, mis- taking it for a ball, which he thought was lodged in his brain, spurred up his steed in a state of desperation towards his an- tagonist, and holding his piece within two yards of his body, let it off, without any regard to the laws of battle. Sur- prised and enraged to see it had made no impression, he hallooed in a terrible tone, — ' O damn ye, you have got your netting stuffed, I see ;' and, advancing, discharged his second pistol so near his godson''s head, that, had he not been defended by his great coat, the powdfer must have scorched his face. Having thus thrown away his fire, he remained at the mercy of Peregrine, who, clapping the piece he had in reserve to his head, commanded him to beg his life, and ask pardon for his presumption. The commodore made no reply to this imperious injunction, but dropping his pistol, and unsheathing his broad sword in an instant, attacked our hero with such incredible agility, that, if he had not made shift to ward off' the stroke with his piece, the adventure, in all likehhood, would have turned out a very tragical joke. Peregrine finding it would be in vain for him to think of drawing his weapon, or of standing on the defensive against this furious aggressor, very fairly clapped spurs to his nag, and sought his safety in flight. Trunnion pursued him with infinite eagerness, and his steed being the better of the two, would have overtaken the fugitive to his peril, had he not been unfortunately encountered by the boughs of a tree, that happened to stand on his blind side, and incommoded him so much, that he was fain to quit his sword, and lay hold on the mane, in order to maintain his seat. Perry perceiving his disaster, wheeled about, and now finding leisure to produce his weapon, returned upon his disarmed foe, brandishing his ferarra, threatening to make him shorter by the head if he would not immediately crave quarter and yield. There was nothing farther from the in- tention of the old gentleman than such submission, which he flatly refused to pay, alleging that he had already compel- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 191 led his enemy to clap on all liis sails, and that his own pre- sent misfortune was owing to accident, all one as if a ship should be attacked, after she had been obliged to heave her guns overboard in a storm. Before Peregrine had time to answer this remonstrance, the lieutenant interposed, and, taking cognizance of the case, established a truce, until he and the other second should dis- cuss and decide upon the merits of the cause. They ac- cordingly retired to a small distance, and, after having con- ferred a few minutes. Hatchway returned, and pronounced the commodore vanquished by the chance of war. Never was rage more transported than that which took possession of old Hannibal, when he heard the sentence : it was some time before he could utter aught, except the reproachful expression, you lie! which he repeated more than twenty times in a sort of delii'ious insensibility. When he recovered the further use of speech, he abused the arbi- trators with such bitter invectives, renouncing their sentence, and appealing to another trial, that the confederates began to repent of having carried the joke so far ; and Peregrine, in order to appease his choler, owned himself overcome. This acknowledgment calmed the tumult of his wrath, though he could not for some days forgive the lieutenant ; and the two young gentlemen rode back to Tunley's, while Hatchway, taking the commodore's horse by the bridle, re- conducted him to his mansion, growling all the way to Jack for his unjust and unfriendly decree ; though he could not help observing, as how he had made his words good, in making his adversary strike his topsails : ' and yet,"* said he, ' before God ! I think the fellow's head is made of a wool pack ; for my shot rebounded from his face like a wad of spun-yarn from the side of a ship. But if so be that son of a bitch of a tree hadn't come athwart my weather-bow, d'ye see, I'll be damned if I hadn't snapt his main-yard in the slings, and mayhap let out his bulge-water into the bar- gain.' He seemed particularly vain of this exploit, whicli dwelt upon his imagination, and was cherished as the child of his old age ; for though he could not with decency rehearse 19? THE ADVENTURES OF it to the young men and his wife at supjier, he gave shrewd hints of his own manhood even at these years, and attested Hatchway as a voucher for his mettle ; while the triumvi- rate, diverted by his vanity, enjoyed in secret the success of their imposition. CHAPTER XXXIII. Peregrine talces his leave of his aunt and sister — sets out from the garrison — parts with his uncle and Hatchway on the road, and, with his governor arrives in safety/ at Dover. 1 HIS, however, was the last effort of invention which they practised upon him ; and every thing being now prepared for the departure of his godson, that hopeful youth in two days took leave of all his friends in the neighbourhood. He was closeted two whole hours with his aunt, who en- riched him with many pious advices, recapitulated all the benefits which through her means had been conferred upon him since his infancy, cautioned him against the temptations of lewd women, who bring many a man to a morsel of bread; laid strict injunctions upon him to live in the fear of the Lord and the true protestant faith, to eschew quarrels and contentions, to treat Mr Jolter with reverence and re- gard, and, above all things, to abstain from the beastly sin of drunkenness, which exposed a man to the scorn and con- tempt of his fellow-creatures, and, by divesting him of rea- son and reflection, rendered him fit for all manner of vice and debauchery. She recommended to him economy and the care of his health, bade him remember the honour of his family ; and, in all the circumstances of his behaviour, as- sured him, that he might always depend upon the friendship and generosity of the commodore. Finally, presenting him with her own picture set in gold, and a hundred guineas from her privy purse, she embraced him affectionately, and wished him all manner of happiness and prosperity. Being thus kindly dismissed by Mrs Trunnion, he locked himself up with his sister Julia, whom he admonished to PEREGRINE PICKLE. 193 cultivate her aunt with the most complaisant and respectful attention, without stooping to any circumstance of sub- mission that she should judge unworthy of her practice ; he protested, that his chief study should be to make her amends for the privilege she had forfeited by her affection for him ; entreated her to enter into no engagement without his know- ledge and approbation ; put into her hand the purse which he had received from his aunt, to defray her pocket expenses in his absence, and parted from her, not without tears, after she had for some minutes hung about his neck, kissing him, and weeping in the most pathetic silence. Having performed these duties of affection and consan- guinity over night, he went to bed, and was, by his own direction, called at four o'clock in the morning, when he found the post-chaise, coach, and riding horses ready at the gate, his friends Gauntlet and Hatchway on foot, the commodore himself almost dressed, and every servant in the garrison assembled in the yard to wish him a good journey. Our hero shook each of these humble friends by the hand, tipping them at the same time with marks of his bounty ; and was very much surprised when he could not perceive his old attendant Pipes among the number. When he ex- pressed his wonder at this disrespectful omission of Tom, some of those present ran to his chamber in order to give him a call, but his hammock and room were both deserted, and they soon returned with an account of his having eloped. Peregrine was disturbed at this information, be- lieving that the fellow had taken some desperate course in consequence of his being dismissed from his service, and began to wish that he had indulged his inclination, by re- taining him still about his person. However, as there was now no other remedy, he recommended him strenuously to the particular favour and distinction of his uncle and Hatchway, in case he should appear again ; and, as he went out of the gate, was saluted with three cheers by all the do- mestics in the family. The commodore. Gauntlet, lieutenant. Peregrine, and Jolter, went into the coach together, that they might enjoy each other's conversation as much as po.'; Vol. II. ' N 194 THE ADVENTURES OF sible, resolving to breakfast at an inn upon the road, where Trunnion and Hatchway intended to bid our adventurer farewell ; the valet de chambre got into the post-chaise, the French lacquey rode one horse, and led another, one of the Talets of the garrison mounted at the back of the coach, and thus the cavalcade set out on the road to Dover. As the commodore could not bear the fatigue of jolting, they tra- velled at an easy pace during the first stage, so that the old gentleman had an opportunity of communicating his exhor- tations to his godson, with regard to his conduct abroad ; he advised him, now that he was going into foreign parts, to be upon his guard against the fair weather of the French politesse, which was no more to be trusted than a whirpool at sea. He observed, that many young men had gone to Paris with good cargoes of sense, and returned with a great deal of canvass, and no ballast at all, whereby they became crank all the days of their lives, and sometimes carried their keels above water. He desired Mr Jolter to keep his pupil out of the clutches of those sharking priests, who lie in wait to make converts of all young strangers ; and, in a particular manner, cautioned the youth against carnal con- versation with the Parisian dames, who, he understood, were no better than gaudy fireships, ready primed with death and destruction. Peregrine listened with great respect, thanking him for his kind admonitions, which he faithfully promised to ob- serve. They halted and breakfasted at the end of the stage, where Jolter provided himself with a horse, and the com- modore settled the method of corresponding with his ne- phew. The minute of parting being arrived, the old com- mander wrung his godson by the hand, saying, — ' I wish thee a prosperous voyage and good cheer, my lad ; my tim- bers are now a little crazy, d'ye see ; and God knows if I shall keep afloat till such a time as I see thee again ; but howsomever, hap what will, thou wilt find thyself in a con- dition to keep in the line with the best of thy fellows.' He then reminded Gauntlet of his promise to call at the garrison in his return from Dover, and imparted something in a whis- PEREGRINE PICELE. 195 per to the governor, while Jack Hatchway, unable to speak, pulled his hat over his eyes, and, squeezing Peregrine by the hand, gave him an iron pistol of curious workmanship, as a memorial of his friendship. Our youth, who was not unmoved on this occasion, received the pledge, which he acknowledged with the present of a silver tobacco-box, bought for that purpose ; and the two lads of the castle get- ting into the coach, were driven homewards in a state of si- lent dejection. Godfrey and Peregrine seated themselves in the post-chaise, and Jolter, the valet de chambre, and lacquey, bestriding their beasts, they proceeded for the place of their destination, at which they arrived in safety that same night, and bespoke a passage in the packet boat which was to sail next day. CHAPTER XXXIV. He adjusts the metliod of his correspondence with Gauntlet — meets hy accident with an Italian charlatan, and a cer*- tai?i apothecary, xcho proves to be a noted character. J. HERE the two friends adjusted the articles of their fu- ture correspondence ; and Peregrine having written a letter to his mistress, wherein he renewed his former vows of eternal fidelity, it was intrusted to the care of her brother : while Mr Jolter, at the desire of his pupil, provided an elegant supper, and some excellent Burgundy, that they might spend this eve of his departure with the greater en- joyment. Things being thus disposed, and a servant employed in laying the cloth, their ears were of a sudden invaded by a strange tumultuous noise in the next room, occasioned by the overthrow of tables, chairs, and glasses, with odd unin- telligible exclamations in broken French, and a jargon of threats in the Welsh dialect. Our young gentlemen ran immediately into the apartment from whence this clamour seemed to proceed, and found a thin, meagre, swarthy figure, gasping in all the agony of fear, under tlie hands of a squat. 196 THE ADVENTURES Ol thick, hard-featured man, who collared him with great dc- monstrations of wrath, saying, — * if you was as mighty a magician as Owen Glendower, or the witch of Entor, look you, ay, or as Paul Beor himself, I will make pold, by the assistance of Got, and in his majesty's naam, to seize and secure, and confine, and confront you, until such time as you suffer, and endure, and undergo the pains and penalties of the law, for your diabolical practices. Shentlements, (added he, turning to our adventurers), I take you to wit- ness that I protest, and assert, and avow, that this person is as pig a necromancer as you would desire to behold ; and I supplicate, and beseech, and entreat of you, that he may be prought pefore his petters, and compelled to give an account of his compact and commerce with the imps of darkness, look you ; for as I am a christian soul, and hope for joyful resurrection, I have this plessed evening seen him perform such things as could not be done without the aid, and in- struction, and connivance of the tevil.' Gauntlet seemed to enter into the sentiments of this Welsh reformer, and actually laid hold on the delinquent's shoulder, crying, ' damn the rascal ! I'll lay any wager that he's a Jesuit, for none of his order travel without a familiar.' But Peregrine, who looked upon the affair in another point of view, interposed in behalf of the stranger, whom he freed from his aggressors, observing that there was no occasion to use violence, and asked in P'rench what he had done to incur the censure of the informer ? The poor foreigner, more dead than alive, answered that he was an Italian charlatan, who had practised with some reputation in Padua, until he had the misfortune to attract the notice of the inquisition, by exhibiting certain wonderful performances by his skill in natural knowledge, which that tribunal considered as the effects of sorcery, and persecuted him accordingly ; so that he had been fain to make a precipitate retreat into France, where not finding his account in his talents, he was now arrived in England, with a view of practising his art in Lon- don; and that in consequence of a specimen which he had given to a company below, the choleric gentleman had PEREGEIXE PICKLE. 19T followed him up stairs to his own apartment, and assaulted him in that inhospitable manner. He therefore earnestly begged that our hero would take him under his protection ; and if he entertained the least suspicion of his employing preternatural means in the operations of his art, he would freely communicate all the secrets in his possession. The youth dispelled his apprehension, by assuring him that he was in no danger of suffering for his art in England, where, if ever he should be questioned by the zeal of su- perstitious individuals, he had nothing to do but to appeal to the next justice of the jjeace, who would immediately quit him of the charge, and punish his accusers for their imper- tinence and indiscretion. He then told Gauntlet and the Welshman that the stranger had a good action against them for an assault, by virtue of an act of parliament, which makes it criminal for any person to accuse another of sorcery and witchcraft, these idle no- tions being now justly exploded by all sensible men. Mr Jolter, who had by this time joined the company, could not help signifying his dissent from this opinion of his pupil, ■which he endeavoured to invalidate by the authority of scripture, quotations from the fathers, and the confession of many wretches who suffered death for having carried on cor- respondence with evil spirits, together with the evidence of Satan's Invisible World, and Morton's History of Witchcraft. The soldier corroborated these testimonies by facts that had happened within the sphere of his own knowledge ; and, in particular, mentioned the case of an old woman in the parish in which he was born, who used to transform herself into the shapes of sundry animals, and was at last killed by small shot in the character of a hare. The Welshman thus supported, expressed his surprise at hearing that the le- gislature had shewn such tenderness for criminals of so dark a hue ; and offered to prove, by undeniable instances, that there was not a mountain in Wales which had not been in his memory the scene of necromancy and witchcraft : * wherefore,' said he, ' I am assuredly more than apove asto- nished, and confounded, and concerned, that the parliament 198 THE ADVENTUKES OF of Great Pritain should, in their great wisdoms, and their prudence, and their penetration, give countenance and en- couragement, look you, to the works of darkness and the empire of Pelzepup ; ofer and above the evidence of holy writ, and those writers who have been quoted by that aggu- rate and learned shentleman, we are informed by profane history, of the pribbles and pranks of the old serpent, in the bortents and oragles of antiquity ; as you will find in that most excellent historian Bolypius, and Titus Lifius ; ay, and moreofer, in the Commentaries of Julius Caesar himself, who, as the "ole world knows, was a most famous, and a most failant, and a most wise, and a most prudent, and a most fortunate chiftan, and a most renowned orator ; ay, and a most elegant writer to boot.' Peregrine did not think proper to enter the lists of dispute with three such obstinate antagonists ; but contented him- self with saying, that he believed it would be no difficult matter to impugn the arguments they had advanced, though he did not find himself at all disposed to undertake the task, which must of course break in upon the evening's enter- tainment. He therefore invited the Itahan to supper, and asked the same favour of his accuser, who seemed to have something curious and characteristic in his manner and dis- position, resolving to make himself an eye-witness of those surprising feats, which had given offence to the choleric Briton. This scrupulous gentleman thanked our hero for his courtesy, but declined communicating with the stranger, until his character should be further explained ; upon which his inviter, after some conversation with the charlatan, as- suring him that he would himself undertake for the inno- cence of his art ; and then he was prevailed upon to favour them with his company. In the course of the conversation. Peregrine learnt that the Welshman was a surgeon of Canterbury, who had been called in to a consultation at ]3over, and, understanding that his name was Morgan, took the liberty of asking if he was not the person so respectfully mentioned in the Adventures of Roderick liandom ? Mr Morgan assumed a look of gravity YEEEGRINE PICKLE. 199 and Importance at this interrogation, and, screwing up his mouth, answered, ' Mr Rantum, my goot sir, I believe upon my conscience and salfation, is my very goot frient and wellwisher ; and he and I have been companions, and messmates, and fellow-sufferers, look you ; but nevertheless, for all that, peradventure he hath not pehaved with so much complaisance, and aifability, and respect, as I might have expected from him ; pecause he hath revealed, and tivulged, and published, our private affairs, without my knowledge, and privity, and consent ; but as Got is my saviour, I think he had no evil intention in his pelly ; and though there be certain persons, look you, who, as I am told, take upon them to laugh at his descriptions of my person, deport- ment, and conversation, I do affirm and maintain, and insist with my heart, and my ploot, and my soul, than those persons are no petter than ignorant asses, and that they know not how to discern, and distinguish, and define, true ridi- cule, or, as Aristotle calls it, the to geloion, no more, look you, than a herd of mountain goats ; for I will make pold to observe, and I hope this goot company will be of the same opinion, that there is nothing said of me in that per- formance which is unworthy of a christian and a shentleman.' Our young gentleman and his friends acquiesced in the justness of his observation. Peregrine particularly assured him, that, from reading the book, he had conceived the utmost regard and veneration for his character, and that he thought himself extremely fortunate in having this oppor- tunity of enjoying his conversation. Morgan, not a little proud of such advances from a person of Peregrine's ap- pearance, returned the compliment with a profusion of civi- lity, and, in the warmth of acknowledgment, expressed a desire of seeing him and his company at his house in Can- terbury. ' I will not pretend or premise, kind Sir,' said he, ' to entertain you according to your merits and deserts, but you shall be as welcome to my poor cottage, and my wife and family, as the prince of Wales himself; and it shall go hard, if, one way or other, I do not find ways and means of making you confess that there is some goot fellowship in ^00 THK ADVENTURES OV an ancient Triton : for though I am no petter than a sim-* pie apothecary, I have as goot plood circulating in my veins as any he in the country ; and I can describe, and deli- neate, and demonstrate, my pedigree to the satisfaction of the 'ole 'orld ; and moreofer, by Got's goot providence and assistance, I can afford to treat my friend with a joint of goot mutton, and a pottle of excellent vine ; and no tradesman can peard me with a bill.' He was congratulated on his happy situation, and assured that our youth would visit him on his return from France, provided he should take Can- terbury on his route. As Peregrine manifested an inclina- tion of being acquainted with the state of his affairs, he very complaisantly satisfied his curiosity, by giving him to know, that his spouse had left off breeding, after having blessed him with two boys and a girl, who were still alive and well ; that he lived in good esteem with his neighbours, and by his practice, which was considerably extended im- mediately after the publication of Roderick Random, had saved some thousand pounds. He had begun to think of re- tiring among his own relations in Glamorgan-shire, though his wife had made objections to this proposal, and opposed the execution of it with such obstinacy, that he had been at infinite pains in asserting his own prerogative, by convinc- ing her, both from reason and example, that he was king and priest in his own family, and that she owed the most implicit submission to his will. He likewise informed the company, that he had lately seen his friend Roderick, who had come from London on purpose to visit him, after having gained his law-suit with Mr Tophall, who was obliged to pay Narcissa's fortune ; that Mr Random, in all appearance, led a very happy life in the conversation of his father, and bed-fellow by whom he enjoyed a son and a daughter ; and that Morgan had received, in a present from him, a piece of very fine linen of his wife's own making, several kits of salmon, and two casks of pickled pork, the most delicate he had ever tasted, together with a barrel of excellent her- rings for salmagundy, which he knew to be his favourite dish. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 201 This topic of conversation being discussed, the Italian was desired to exhibit a specimen of his art, and in a few mi- nutes conducted the company into the next room, where, to their great astonishment and affright, they beheld a thou- sand serpents winding along the ceiling. Morgan, struck with this phenomenon, which he had not seen before, began to utter exorcisms with great devotion, Mr Joker ran terri- fied out of the room, Gauntlet drew his hanger, and Pere- grine himself was disconcerted. The operator perceiving their confusion, desired them to retire, and calling them back in an instant, there was not a viper to be seen. He raised their admiration by sundry other performances, and the Welshman's former opinion and abhorrence of his character began to recur, when, in consideration of the civility with which he had been treated, this Italian imparted to them ail the methods by which he had acted such wonders, that were no other than the effects of natural causes curiously com- bined ; so that Morgan became a convert to his skill, asked pardon for the suspicion he had entertained, and invited the stranger to pass a few days with him at Canterbury. The scruples of Godfrey and Jolter were removed at the same time, and Peregrine testified his approbation by a handsome gratuity which he bestowed upon their entertainer. The evening being spent in this social manner, every nian retired to his respective chamber, and next morning they breakfasted together, when Morgan declared he would stay till he should see our hero fairly embarked, that he might have the pleasure of Mr Gauntlet's company to his own habitation : meanwhile, by the skipper's advice, the servants were ordered to carry a store of wine and provision on board, in case of accident ; and as the packet-boat could not sail before one o'clock, the company walked up hill to visit the castle, where they saw the sword of Julius Caesar, and Qiieen Elizabeth's pocket pistol, repeated Shakespeare's description, while they surveyed the chalky cliffs on each side, and cast their eyes towards the city of Calais, that was obscured by a thick cloud, which did not much regale their eye-sight, because it seemed to portend foul weather. 202 THE ADVENTURES OF Having reviewed every thing remarkable in this place, they returned to the pier, where, after the compliments of parting, and an affectionate embrace between the two young gentlemen. Peregrine and his governor stepped aboard, the sails were hoisted, and they went to sea with a fair wind, while Godfrey, Morgan, and the conjuror walked back to the inn, from whence they set out for Canterbury, before dinner. CHAPTER XXXV. He embarks for France — is overtaken hy a storm — is sur- prised with the appearance of Pipes — lands at Calais ^ aud has an affray with the officers of the customhouse. ocARCE had the vessel proceeded two leagues on the pass- age, when the wind shifting, blew directly in their teeth ; so that they were obliged to haul upon a wind, and alter their course. The sea running pretty high at the same time, our hero, who was below in his cabin, began to be squeamish, and, in consequence of the skipper's advice, went upon the deck for the comfort of his stomach ; while the governor, experienced in these disasters, slipt into bed, where he lay at his ease, amusing himself with a treatise on the cycloid, with algebraical demonstrations, which never failed to engage his imagination in the most agreeable manner. In the me&ntime the wind increased to a very hard gale, the vessel pitched with great violence, the sea washed over the decks, the master was alarmed, the crew were confound- ed, the passengers were overwhelmed with sickness and fear, and universal distraction ensued. In the midst of this uproar. Peregrine holding fast by the taffrill, and looking ruefully ahead, the countenance of Pipes presented itself to his as- tonished view, rising as it were from the hold of the ship. At first he imagined it was a fear-formed shadow of his own brain, though he did not remain long in this terror, but plainly perceived that it was no other than the real person of Thomas, who jumping on the quarter deck, took charge of the helm, and dictated to the sailors with as much authority as if he had been commander of the ship. The skipper PEREGRINE PICKLE. 203 looked upon him as an angel sent to his assistance, and the crew soon discovering him to be a thorough-bred seaman, notwithstanding his livery frock, obeyed his orders with such alacrity, that in a little time the confusion vanished, and every necessary step was taken to weather the gale. Our young gentleman immediately conceived the mean- ing of Tom's appearance on board, and, when the tumult was a little subsided, went up, and encouraged him to exert himself for the preservation of the ship, promising to take him again into his service, from which he should never be dismissed, except at his own desire. This assurance had a surprising effect upon Pipes, who, though he made no man- ner of reply, thrust the helm into the master's hand, saying, * Here, you old bum-boat woman, take hold of the tiller, and keep her thus, boy, thus ; ' and skipped about the vessel, trimming the sails, and managing the ropes with such agility and skill, that every body on deck stood amazed at his dex- terity. Mr Jolter was far from being unconcerned at the uncom- mon motion of the vessel, the singing of the wind, and the uproar which he heard above him ; he looked towards the cabin door with the most fearful expectation, in hope of seeing some person who could give some account of the weather, and what was doing upon deck ; but not a soul appeared, and he was too well acquainted with the disposition of his own bowels to make the least alteration in his attitude. When he had lain a good while in all the agony of suspense, the boy tumbled headlong into his apartment, with such noise, that he believed the mast had gone by the board, and starting upright in his bed, asked with all the symptoms of horror, what was the cause of that disturbance ? The boy, half stunned by his fall, answered, in a dolorous tone, ' I'm come to put up the dead-hghts.' At the mention of dead- lights, the meaning of which he did not understand, the poor governor's heart died within him, and he shivered with despair. His recollection forsaking him, he fell upon his knees in the bed, and fixing his eyes upon the book which was in his hand began to pronounce aloud, with great fer-~ f^Oi THE ADVENTDRES OF vour, ' the time of a complete oscillation in the cycloid, is to the time in which a body would fall through the axis of the cycloid D V, as the circumference of a circle to its dia- meter.' He would in all likelihood have proceeded with the demonstration of this proposition, had he not been seized with such a qualm, as compelled him to drop the book, and accommodate himself to the emergency of his distemper ; he therefore stretched himself at full length, and, putting up ejaculations to Heaven, began to prepare himself for his latter end, when all of a sudden the noise above was intermitted ; and, as he could not conceive the cause of this tremendous silence, he imagined that either the men were washed over- board, or that despairing of safety, they had ceased to op- pose the tempest. While he was harrowed by this miser- able uncertainty, which, however, was not altogether unen- lightened by some scattered rays of hope, the master entered the cabin ; then he asked, with a voice half extinguished by fear, how matters went upon deck ? and the skipper, with a large bottle of brandy applied to his mouth, answered, in a hollow tone, ' alPs over now, master.' Upon which, Mr Jolter, giving himself over for lost, exclaimed with the utmost horror, ' Lord have mercy upon us ! Christ have mercy upon us !' and repeated this supplication as it were mechanically, until the master undeceived him, by explain- ing the meaning of what he had said, and assuring him that the squall was over. Such a sudden transition from fear to joy occasioned a violent agitation both in his mind and body ; and it was a full quarter of an hour before he recovered the right use of his organs. By this time the weather cleared up, the wind began to blow again from the right corner, and the spires of Calais appeared at the distance of five leagues ; so that the countenances of all on board were lighted up with joy- ous expectation ; and Peregrine venturing to go down into the cabin, comforted his governor with an account of the happy turn of their affairs. Jolter, transported with the thoughts of a speedy landing, began to launch out in praise of that country for which PEREGUINE PICKLE. 205 tliey were bound. He observed, that France was the land of politeness and hospitality, which were conspicuous in the behaviour of all ranks and degrees, from the peer to the pea- sant ; that a gentleman and a foreigner, far from being in- sulted and imposed upon by the lower class of people, as in England, was treated with the utmost reverence, candoui', and respect ; that their fields were fertile, their climate pure and healthy, their farmers rich and industrious, and the subjects in general the happiest of men. He would have prosecuted this favourite theme still farther, had not his pupil been obliged to run upon deck, in consequence of cer- tain warnings he received from his stomach. The skipper seeing his condition, very honestly reminded him of the cold ham and fowls, with a basket of wine, which he had ordered to be sent on-board, and asked if he would have the cloth laid below. He could not have chosen a more seasonable opportunity of manifesting his own disinterested- ness. Peregrine made wry faces at the mention of food, bidding him (for Christ's sake) talk no more on that subject. He then descended into the cabin, and put the same ques- tion to Mr Jolter, who, he knew, entertained the same ab- horrence for his proposal ; and, meeting with the like recep- tion from him, went between decks, and repeated his cour- teous proffer to the valet de chambre and lacquey, who lay sprawling in all the pangs of a double evacuation, and re- jected his civility with the most horrible loathing. Thus baffled in all his kind endeavours, he ordered his boy to se- cure the provision in one of his own lockers, according to the custom of the ship. It being low water when they arrived on the French coast, the vessel could not enter the harbour, and they were obliged to bring to, and wait for a boat, which in less than half an hour came along- side from the shore. Mr Jolter now came upon deck, and snuffing up the French air with symptoms of infinite satisfaction, asked of the boatmen (with the friendly appellation of mes hrfaois) what they demanded for transporting him and his pupil, with their baggage, to the pier ? But how was he disconcerted, when those polite.. 206 THE ADVENTURES OF candid, reasonable watermen, demanded a louis d'or for that service ! Peregrine, with a sarcastic sneer, observed, that he already began to perceive the justice of his encomiums on the French ; and the disappointed governor could say no- thing in his own vindication, but that they were debauched by their intercourse with the inhabitants of Dover. His pupil, however, was so much offended at their extortion, that he absolutely refused to employ them, even when they abated one half in their demand, and swore he would stay on board till the packet should be able to enter the harbour, rather than encourage such imposition. The master, who, in all probability, had some sort of fel- low-feeling with the boatmen, in vain represented, that he could not with safety lie-to, or anchor upon a lee-shore : our hero having consulted Pipes, answered, that he had hired his vessel to transport them to Calais, and that he would oblige him to perform what he had undertaken. The skipper, very much mortified at this peremptory re- ply, which was not over and above agreeable to Mr Jolter, dismissed the boat, notwithstanding the solicitations and condescension of £he watermen. Running a little farther in shore, they came to an anchor, and waited till there was water enough to float them over the bar. Then they stood into the harbour, and our gentleman, with his attendants and baggage, were landed on the pier by the sailors, whom he liberally rewarded for their trouble. He was immediately plied by a great number of porters, who, like so many hungry wolves, laid hold on his luggage, and began to carry it off" piecemeal, without his order or direction. Incensed at this officious insolence, he command- ed them to desist, with many oaths and opprobrious terms, that his anger suggested ; and, perceiving that one of them did not seem to pay any regard to what he said, but marched off" with his burden, he snatched a cudgel out of his lacquey's hand, and, overtaking the fellow in a twinkling, brought him to the ground with one blow. He was instantly surrounded by the whole congregation of this canaille, who resented the injury which their brother had sustained, and would have PEREGRINE PICKLK. 207 taken immediate satisfaction of the aggressor, had not Pipes, seeing his master involved, brought the whole crew to his assistance, and exerted himself so manfully, that the enemy were obliged to retreat with many marks of defeat, and me- naces of interesting the commandant, in their quarrel. Jol- ter, who knew and dreaded the power of the French gover- nor, began to shake with apprehension, when he heard their repeated threats ; but they durst not apply to this ma- gistrate, who, upon a fair representation of the case, would have punished them severely for their rapacious and insolent behaviour. Peregrine, without further molestation, availed himself of his own attendants, who shouldered his baggage, and followed him to the gate, where they were stopped by the centinels, until their names should be registered. Mr Joker, who had undergone this examination before, resolved to profit by his experience, and cunningly repre- sented his pupil as a young English lord. This intimation, supported by the appearance of his equipage, was no sooner communicated to the officer, than he turned out the guard, and ordered the soldiers to rest upon their arms, while his lordship passed in great state to the Lion d" argent, where he took up his lodgings for the night, resolving to set out for Paris next morning in a post-chaise. The governor triumphed greatly in this piece of com- plaisance and respect with which they had been honoured, and resumed his beloved topic of discourse, in applauding the method and subordination of the French government, which was better calculated for maintaining order, and pro- tecting the people, than any constitution upon earth. Of their courteous attention to strangers, there needed no other proof than the compliment which had been paid to them, together with the governor's connivance at Peregrine's em- ploying his own servants in carrying the baggage to the inn, contrary to the privilege of the inhabitants. While he expatiated with a remarkable degree of self-in- dulgence on this subject, the valet de chambre coming into the room, interrupted his harangue, by telling his master that their trunks and portmanteaus must be carried to the 208 THE ADVENTURES OF custom-house, in order to be searched, and sealed with lead, which must remain untouched until their arrival at Paris. Peregrine made no objection to this practice, which was in itself reasonable enough ; but when he understood that the gate was besieged by another multitude of porters, who in- sisted upon their right of carrying the goods, and also of fixing their own price, he absolutely refused to comply with their demand. Nay, he chastised some of the most clamor- ous among them with his foot, and told them, that if their custom-house officers had a mind to examine his baggage, they might come to the inn for that purpose. The valet de chambre was abashed at this boldness of his master's behavi- our, which, the lacquey, shrugging up his shoulders, observ- ed, was bien a VAngloise ; while the governor represented it as an indignity to the whole nation, and endeavoured to per- suade his pupil to comply with the custom of the place. But Peregrine's natural haughtiness of disposition hindered him from giving ear to Jolter's wholesome advice ; and, in less than half an hour, they observed a file of musqueteers march- ing up to the gate. At sight of this detachment the tutor trembled, the valet grew pale, and the lacquey crossed him- self; but our hero, without exhibiting any other symptoms than those of indignation, met them on the threshold, and, with a ferocious air, demanded their business. The corpo- ral who commanded the file, answered, with great delibera- tion, that he had orders to convey his baggage to the cus- tom-house ; and seeing trunks standing in the entry, placed his men between them and the owner, while the porters that followed took them up, and proceeded to the Douane with- out opposition. Pickle was not mad enough to dispute the authority of this message ; but, in order to gall, and specify his contempt for those who brought it, he called aloud to his valet, desiring him, in French, to accompany his things, and see that none of his linens and effects should be stolen by the searchers. The corporal, mortified at this satirical insinuation, darted a look of resentment at the author, as if he had been interested for the glory of his nation, and told him, that he could per- PEREGItlNE PICKLE. SOD qeive he was a stranger in France, or else he would have saved himself the trouble of such a needless precaution. CHAPTER XXXVI. He makes a fruitless attempt in gallantry — departs for Boulogne, where he spends the evening with certain English exiles. iriAviNG thus yielded to the hand of power, he inquired if there was any other English company in the house ; when, understanding that a gentleman and lady lodged in the next apartment, and had bespoke a post-chaise for Paris, he or- dered Pipes to ingratiate himself with their footman, and, if possible, learn their names and condition, while he and Mr Jolter, attended by the lacquey, took a turn round the ram- parts, and viewed the particulars of the fortification. Tom was so very successful in his inquiry, that, when his master returned, he was able to give him a satisfactory ac- count of his fellow-lodgers, in consequence of having treated his brother with a bottle of wine. The people in question were a gentleman and his lady lately arrived from England, in their way to Paris. The husband was a man of good for- tune, who had been a libertine in his youth, and a professed declaimer against matrimony. He wanted neither sense nor experience, and piqued himself in particular upon his art of avoiding the snares of the female sex, in which he pretended to be deeply versed. But, notwithstanding all his caution and skill, he had lately fallen a sacrifice to the attractions of an oyster wench, who had found means to decoy him into the bands of wedlock ; and, in order to evade the compli- ments and congratulations of his friends and acquaintance, he had come so far on a tour to Paris, where he intended to initiate his spouse in the beau monde. In the meantime he chose to live upon the reserve, because her natural talents had as yet received but little cultivation •, and he had not the most implicit confidence in her virtue and discretion, which. Vol IL O 210 THE ADVENTURES OF it seems, had like to luave yielded to the addresses of an officer. at Canterbury, who had made shift to insinuate him- self into her acquaintance and favour. Peregrine's curiosity being inflamed by this information, he lounged about the yard, in hopes of seeing the dulcinea who had captivated the old bachelor ; and, at length, ob- serving her at a window, took the liberty of bowing to her with great respect. She returned the compliment with a courtesy, and appeared so decent in her dress and manner, that, unless he had been previously informed of her former life and conversation, he never would have dreamed that her education was diffbrent from that of other ladies of fashion ; so easy is it to acquire that external deportment on which people of condition value themselves so much. Not but that Mr Pickle pretended to distinguish a certain vulgar audacity in her countenance, which in a lady of birth and fortune, would have passed for an agreeable vivacity that enlivens the aspect, and gives poignancy to every feature ; but as she pos- sessed a pair of fine eyes, and a clear complexion, overspread with the glow of health, which never fails of recommending the owner, he could not help gazing at her with desire, and forming the design of making a conquest of her heart. With this view, he sent his compliments to her husband, whose name was Hornbeck, with an intimation, that he pro- posed to set out next day for Paris, and as he understood that he was resolved upon the same journey, he should be ex- tremely glad of his company on the road, if he was not bet- ter engaged. Hornbeck, who in all probability did not choose to accommodate his wife with a 'squire of our hero's appearance, sent a civil answer to his niessage, professing infinite mortification at his being unable to embrace the fa- vour of his kind oiFer, by reason of the indisposition of his wife, who, he was afraid, would not be in a condition for some days to bear the fatigue of travelling. This rebuff, which Peregrine ascribed to the husband's jealousy, stifled his project in embryo ; he ordered his French servant to take a place for himself in the (iiligence, where all his luggage was stowed, except a small trunk with some linen and other ne- PfeREGRINE PICiiLE. Sll cessaries, that was fixed upon the post-chaise, which they hired of the landlord ; and early next morning he and Mr Jol- ter departed from Calais, attended by his valet de chambre and Pipes on horseback. They proceeded without any ac- cident as far as Boulogne, where they breakfasted, and vi- sited old Father Graham, a Scottish gentleman of the go- vernor's acquaintance, who had lived as a capuchin in that place for the space of threescore years, and duri':ig that period conformed to all the austerities of the order with the most rigorous exactness ; being equally remarkable for the frank- ness of his conversation, the humanity of his disposition, and the simplicity of his manners. From Boulogne they took their departure about noon, and, as they proposed to sleep that night at Abbeville, commanded the postillion to drive with extraor- dinary speed. Perhaps it was well for his cattle that the axle- tree gave way, and the chaise of course overturned, before they had travelled one third part of the stage. This accident compelled them to return to the place from whence they had set out ; and as they could not procure an- other conveyance, they found themselves under the necessity of staying till their chaise could be refitted. Understanding that this operation would detain them a whole day, our young gentleman had recourse to his patience, and demanded to know what they would have for dinner ; the gargon, or waiter, thus questioned, vanished in a moment, and immediately they were surprised with the appearance of a strange figure, which, from the extravagance of its dress and gesticulation. Pere- grine mistook for a madman of the growth of France. This phantom (which, by the by, happened to be no other than the cook), was a tall, long-legged, meagre, swarthy fellow, that stooped very much ; his cheek bones were remarkably raised, his nose bent into the shape and size of a powder- horn, and the sockets of his eyes as raw round the edges as if the skin had been pared off. On his head he wore a hand- kerchief, which had once been white, and now served to co- ver the upper part of a black periwig, to which was attached a bag, at least a foot square, with a solitaire and rose that stuck up on each side to his ear ; so that he looked like n 2fl2 TliE ADVENTURES OF criminal on the pillory. His back was accommodated with a linen Waistcoat, his hands adorned with long ruffles of the same piece, his middle was girded by an apron tucked up, that it might not conceal his white silk stockings rolled ; and at his entrance he brandished a bloody weapon full three feet in length. Peregrine, when he first saw him approach in this menacing attitude, put himself upon his guard ; but, being informed of his quality, perused his bill of fare, and having bespoke three or four things for dinner, walked out with Mr Jolter to view both towns, which they had not leisure to con- sider minutely before. In their return from the harbour, they met with four or five gentlemen, all of whom seemed to look with an air of dejection, and, perceiving our hero and his go- vernor to be English by their dress, bowed with great respect as they passed. Pickle, who was saturally compassionate, felt an emotion of sympathy ; and seeing a person, who by his habit he judged to be one of their servants, accosted him in English, and asked who the gentlemen were. The lacquey gave him to understand that they were his own countrymen, exiled from their native homes, in consequence of their ad- herence to an unfortunate and ruined cause ; and that they were gone to the sea side, according to their daily practice, in order to indulge their longing eyes with a prospect of the white cliffs of Albion, which they must never more approach. Though our young gentleman differed widely from them in point of political principles, he was not one of those en- thusiasts who look upon every schism from the established articles of faith as damnable, and exclude the sceptic from every benefit of humanity and christian forgiveness : he could easily comprehend how a man of the most unblemished mo- rals might, by the prejudice of education, or indispensible attachments, be engaged in such a blameworthy and perni- cious undertaking; and thought that they had already suf- fered severely for their imprudence. He was affected witli the account of their diurnal pilgrimage to the sea side, which he considered as a pathetic proof of their affliction, and in- vested Mr Jolter with the agreeable office of going to them ■with a compliment in his name, and begging the honour of PEREGRINE PICKLE. 213 ji^rmking a glass with them in the evening. They accepted the proposal with great satisfaction and respectful acknow- ledgment, and in the afternoon waited upon the kind inviter, who treated them with coffee, and would have detained theiti to supper ; but they entreated the favour of his company at the house which they frequented, so earnestly, that he yield- ed to their solicitations, and with his governor was conducted by them to the place, where they had provided an elegant repast, and regaled them with some of the best claret in France. It was easy for them to perceive that their principal guest was no favourer of their state maxims, and therefore they industriously avoided every subject of conversation which could give the least offence ; not but that they lamented their own situation, which cut them off from all their dearest con- nections, and doomed them to perpetual banishment from their families and friends; but they did not, even by the most distant hint, impeach the justice of that sentence by which they were condemned ; although one of them, who seemed to be about the age of thirty, wept bitterly over this misfortune, which had involved a beloved wife and three children in misery and distress, and, in the impatience of his grief, cursed his own fate with frantic imprecations. His companions, with a view of beguiling his sorrow, and mani- festing their own hospitality at the same time, changed the topic of discourse, and circulated the bumpers with great as- siduity ; so that all their cares were overwhelmed and £sf- gotten, several drinking French catches were sung, and mirth and good fellowship prevailed. In the midst of this elevation, which commonly unlocks the most hidden sentiment, and dispels every consideration of caution and constraint, one of the entertainers, being more intoxicated than his fellows, proposed a toast, to which Peregrine with some warmth excepted, as an unmannerly insult. The other maintained his proposition with indecent heat ; and the dispute beginning to grow very serious, the company interposed, and gave judgment against their friend, who was so keenly reproached and rebuked for his impolite behaviour, that he retired in high dudgeon, threatening tp 214< THE ADVENTUllES OF relinquish their society, and branding them with the appella- tion of apostates from the common cause. Mortified at the behaviour of their companion, thdse that remained were ear- nest in their apologies to their guests, whom they besought to forgive his intemperance, assuring them with great confi- dence that he would, upon the recovery of his reflection, wait upon them in person, and ask pardon for the umbrage he had given. Pickle was satisfied with their remonstrances, resumed his good humour, and the night being pretty far advanced, resisted all their importunities with which he was entreated to see another bottle go round, and was escorted to his own lodgings more than half seas over. Next morning, about eight o''clock, he was waked by his valet de chambre, who told him that two of the gentlemen with whom he had spent the evening were in the house, and desired the favour of being admitted into his chamber. He could not conceive the meaning of this extraordinary visit, and, ordering his man to shew them into his apartment, beheld the person who had affronted him enter, with the gentleman who had reprehended his rudeness. He who had given the offence, after having made an apo- logy for disturbing ]Mr Pickle, told him that his friend there present had been with him early that morning, and propo- sed the alternative of either fighting with him immediately, or coming to beg pardon for his unmannerly deportment over night; that though he had courage enough to face any man in the field in a righteous cause, he was not so brutal as to disobey the dictates of his own duty and reflec- tion, in consequence of which, and not out of any regard to the other's menaces, which he despised, he had now taken the liberty of interrupting his repose, that he might, as soon as possible, atone for the injury he had done him, which he protested was the effect of intoxication alone, and begged his forgiveness accordingly. Our hero accepted of this ac- knowledgment very graciously, thanked the other gentle- man for the gallant part he had acted in his behalf ; and, per- ceiving that his companion was a little irritated at his offi- cious interposition, effected a reconciliation, by convincing PEREGRINE PICKLE. 215 him that what he had done was for the honour of the com- pany. He then kept them to breakfast, expressed a desire of seeing their situation altered for the better; and, the chaise being repaired, took leave of his entertainers, who came to wish him a good journey, and with his attendants left Boulogne for the second time. CHAPTER XXXVII. Proceeds for the cipital — takes up his lodgings at Bernay, where he is overtaken by Mr Hornbecky whose head he longs to fbrtifij. JL/uRiNG this day's expedition, Mr Jolter took an opportu- nity of imparting to his pupil the remarks he had made upon the industry of the French, as an undeniable proof of which he bade him cast his eyes around, and observe with what care every spot of ground was cultivated ; and trom the fertility of that province, which is reckoned the poorest in France, conceive the wealth and affluence of the nation in general. Peregrine, amazed as well as disgusted at this in- fatuation, answered, that what he ascribed to industry was the effect of mere wretchedness ; the miserable peasants being obliged to plough up every inch of ground to satisfy their oppressive landlords, while they themselves and their cattle looked like so many images of famine ; that their extreme poverty was evident from the face of the country, on which there was not one inclosure to be seen, or any other object, except scanty crops of barley and oats, which could never reward the toil of the husbandman ; that their habitations were no better than paltry huts ; that, in twenty miles of extent, not one gentleman's house appeared ; that nothing was more abject and forlorn than the attire of their country people; that the equipage of their travelling chaises was infinitely inferior to that of a dung-cart in England ; and that the postillion, who then drove their carriage, had nei- ther stockings to his legs, nor a shirt to his back. The governor, finding his charge so untractable, resolved to leave him in the midst of his own ignorance and prejudice. f2l6 THE ADVENTURES OF and reserve his obsei*vations for those who would pay more deference to his opinion ; and indeed this resolution he had often made, and as often broken, in the transports of his zeal, that frequently hurried him out of the plan of conduct which in his cooler moments he had laid down. They halted for a refreshment at Montreuil, and about seven in the evening arrived at a village called Bernay, where, while they waited for fresh horses, they were informed by the landlord, that the gates of Abbeville were shut every night punctually at eight o'clock, so that it would be impossible for them to get admittance. He said, there was not another place of enter- tainment on the road where they could pass the night ; and therefore, as a friend, he advised them to stay at his house, where they would find the best of accommodation, and pro- ceed upon their journey betimes in the morning. Mr Jolter, though he had travelled on that road before, could not recollect whether or not mine host spoke truth ; but his remonstrance being very plausible, our hero determined to follow his advice, and, being conducted into an apart- ment, asked what they could have for supper. The land- lord mentioned every thing that was eatable in the house, and the whole beino; enorossed for the use of him and his attendants, he amused himself till such time as it should be dressed, in strolling about the house, which stands in a very rural situation. While he thus loitered away the time that Imng heavy on his hands, another chaise arrived at the inn ; and, upon inquiry, he found that the new-comers were Mr Hornbeck and his lady. The landlord, conscious of his in- ability to entertain this second company, came and begged, with great humiliation, that Mr Pickle would spare them some part of the victuals he had bespoke ; but he refused to part with so much as the wing of a partridge, though at the same time he sent his compliments to the strangers, and giving them to understand how ill the house was provided for their reception, invited them to partake of his supper. Mr Hornbeck, who was not deficient in point of politeness, and extremely well disposed for a relishing meal, which he had reason to expect, from the savoury steam that issued from 1 i PEREGRINE PICKLE. 217 the kitchen, could not resist this second instance of our young gentleman's civiUty, which he acknowledged by a message, importing that he and his wife would do themselves the pleasure of profiting by his courteous offer. Peregrine's cheeks glowed when he found himself on the eve of being ac- quainted with Mrs Hornbeck, of whose heart he had already made a conquest in imagination ; and he forthwith set his in- vention at work to contrive some means of defeating her husband's vigilance. When supper was ready, he in persen gave notice to his guest, and leading the lady into his apartment, seated her in an elbow chair at the upper end of the table, squeezing her hand, and darting a most insidious glance at the same time. This abrupt behaviour he practised, on the presumption that a lady of her breeding was not to be addressed with the tedious forms that must be observed in one's advances to a person of birth and genteel education. In all probability his calculation was just ; for Mrs Hornbeck gave no signs of discontent at this sort of treatment, but, on the contrary, seemed to consi- der it as a proof of the young gentleman's regard; and though §he did not venture to open her mouth three times during the whole repast, she shewed herself particularly well satis- fied with her entertainer, by sundry sly and significant looks, while her husband's eyes were directed another way, and divers loud peals of laughter, signifying her approbation of the sallies which he uttered in the course of their conversa- tion. Her spouse began to be very uneasy at the frank de- meanour of his yoke-fellow, whom he endeavoured to check in her vivacity, by assuming a severity of aspect ; but whe- ther she obeyed the dictates of her own disposition, which perhaps was merry and unreserved, or wanted to punish Mr Hornbeck for his jealousy of temper, certain it is, her gaiety increased to such a degree, that her husband was grievously alarmed and incensed at her conduct, and resolved to make her sensible of his displeasure, by treading in secret upon her toes. He was, however, so disconcerted by his indigna- tion, that he mistook his mark, and applied the sharp heel of his shoe to the side of Mr Jolter's foot, comprehending 218 THE ADVENTURES OF his little toe that was studded with an angry corn, which he invaded with such a sudden jerk, that the governor unable to endure the torture in silence, started up, and, dancing on the floor, roared hideously with repeated bellowings, to the unspeakable enjoyment of Peregrine and the lady, who laugh- ed themselves almost into convulsions at the joke. Horn- beck confounded at the mistake he had committed, begged pardon of the injured tutor with great contrition, protesting that the blow he had so unfortunately received was intended for an ugly cur which he thought had posted himself under the table. It was lucky for him that there was actually a dog in the room, to justify this excuse, which Jolter admitted with the tears running over his checks ; and the economy of the table was recomposed. As soon, however, as the strangers could with decency withdraw, this suspicious husband took his leave of the youth, on pretence of being fatigued with his journey, after having, by way of compliment, proposed that they should travel to- gether next day; and Peregrine handed the lady to her chamber, where he wished her good night, with another warm squeeze, which she returned. This favourable hint made his heart bound with a transport of joy ; he lay in wait for an opportunity of declaring himself, and seeing the husband go down into the yard with a candle, glided softly into his apartment, where he found her almost undressed. Impelled by the impetuosity of his passion, which was still more inflamed by her present luscious appearance, and en- couraged by the approbation she had already expressed, he ran towards her with eagerness, crying, ' Zounds ! madam, your charms are irresistible V and, without further ceremony, would have clasped her in his arms, had she not begged him, for the love of God, to retire, for should Mr Hornbeck re- turn and find him here, she would be undone for ever. He was not so blinded by his passion, but that he saw the reason- ablencss of her fear ; and as he could not pretend to crown his wishes at that interview, he avowed himself her lover, assured her that he would exhaust his whole invention in finding a proper opportunity for throwing himself at her feet ; { PEREGRINE PICKLE. 219 and in the meantime he ravished sundry small favours, which she, in the hurry of her fright, could not withhold from his impudence of address. Having thus happily settled the pre- liminaries, he withdrew to his own chamber, and spent the whole night in contriving stratagems to elude the jealous caution of his fellow-traveller. CHAPTER XXXVIII. They set out in company^ hreahfast at Abbeville, dine at Anieins, and about eleven o'clock arrive at Chantilly, where Peregrine executes a plan which he had concerted upon Hornbeck. Jl he whole company, by agreement, rose and departed before day, and breakfasted at Abbeville, where they became acquainted with the finesse of their Bernay landlord, who had imposed upon them, in affirming that they would not have been admitted after the gates were shut. From thence they proceeded to Amiens, where they dined, and were pes- tered by begging friars ; and the roads being deep, it was eleven o'clock at night before they reached Chantilly, where they found supper already dressed, in consequence of having dispatched the valet de chambre before them on horseback. The constitution of Hornbeck being very much impaired by a life of irregularity, he found himself so fatigued with his day's journey, which amounted to upwards of an hun- dred miles, that, when he sat down at table, he could scarcely sit upright ; and, in less than three minutes, began to nod in his chair. Peregrine, who had foreseen and provided for this occasion, advised him to exhilarate his spirits with a glass of wine ; and the proposal being embraced, tipped his valet de chambre the wink, who, according to the instruc- tions he had received, qualified the Burgundy with thirty drops of laudanum, which this unfortunate husband swal- lowed in one glass. The dose, co-operating with his former drowsiness, lulled him so fast asleep, as it were instantane- ously, that it was found necessary to convey him to his own <;hamber, where his footman undressed and put him to bed S20 THE ADVENTURES OF Nor was Joker (naturally of a sluggish disposition) able to resist his propensity to sleep, without suffering divers dread- ful yawns, which encouraged his pupil to administer the same dose to him, which had operated so successfully upon the other Argus. This cordial had not such a gentle effect upon the rugged organs of Jolter, as upon the more delicate nerves of Hornbeck, but discovered itself in certain involuntary startings, and convulsive motions in the muscles of his face ; and when his nature at length yielded to the power of this medicine, he sounded the trumpet so loud through his nos- trils, that our adventurer was afraid the noise would wake his other patient, and consequently prevent the accomplish- ment of his aim. The governor was therefore committed to the care of Pipes, who lugged him into the next room, and having stripped off his clothes, tumbled him into his nest, while the two lovers remained at full liberty to indulge their mutual passion. Peregrine, in the impatience of his inclination, would have finished the fate of Hornbeck immediately ; but his inamorata disapproved of his intention, and represented that their being together by themselves for any length of time would be observed by her servant, who was kept as a spy upon her actions ; so that they had recourse to another scheme, which was executed in this manner. — He conducted her into her own apartment, in presence of her footman, who lighted them thither, and, wishing her good rest, re- turned to his own chamber, where he waited till every thing was quiet in the house; then stealing softly to her door, which had been left open for his admission in the dark, he found the husband still secure in the embraces of sleep, and the lady in a loose gown, ready to seal his happiness. He conveyed her to his own chamber ; but his guilty passion was not gratified. The opium which had been given to Jolter, together with the wine he had drank, produced such a perturbation in his fancy, that he was visited with horrible dreams, and, among other miserable situations, imagined himself in danger of perishing in the flames, which he thought had taken hold 'tEREGllINE PICKLE. 221 en his apartment. This vision made such an impression upon his faculties, that he alarmed the whole house with the repeated cries oi fire! fire! and even leaped out of his bed, though he still continued fast asleep. The lovers were very disagreeably disturbed by this dreadful exclamation ; and Mrs Hornbeck, running in great confusion to the door, had the mortification to see the footman, with a light in his hand, enter her husband's chamber, in order to give him notice of this accident. She knew that she would be in- stantly missed, and could easily divine the consequence, un- less her invention could immediately trump up some plau- sible excuse for her absence. Women are naturally fruitful of expedients in cases of such emergency : she employed but a few seconds in recol- lection, and rushing directly towards the apartment of the governor, who still continued to holloo in the same note, ^ex- claimed, in a screaming tone, ' LoVd have mercy upon us ! where.'' where.'"' By this time all the servants were assembled in strange attire ; Peregrine burst into Jolter's room, and seeing him stalking in his shirt, with his eyes shut, bestowed such a slap upon his back, as in a moment dissolved his dream, and restored him to the use of his senses. He \^as astonished and ashamed at being discovered in such an in- decent attitude ; and taking refuge under the clothes, asked pardon of all present for the disturbance he had occasioned ; soliciting with great humility the forgiveness of the lady, who, to a miracle, counterfeited the utmost agitation of terror and surprise. Meanwhile, Hornbeck being awakened by the repeated efforts of his man, no sooner understood that his wife was missing, than all the chimeras of jealousy taking possession of his imagination, he started up in a sort of frenzy, and snatching his sword, flew straight to Peregrine's cham- ber ; where, though he found not that which he looked for, he unluckily perceived an under-petticoat, which his wife had forgot in the hurry of her retreat. This discovery add- ed fuel to the flame of his resentment. He seized the fatal proof of his dishonour, and meeting his spouse in her return to bed, presented it to her view, saying, with a most expres- 223 •I'HE ADVENTUIIES (# sive countenance, ' Madam, you have dropped your un- der-petticoat in the next room.' Mrs Hornbeck, who in- herited from nature a most admirable presence of mind, looked earnestly at the object in question, and, with incre- dible serenity of countenance, affirmed that the petticoat must belong to the house, for she had none such in her pos- session. Peregrine, who walked behind her, hearing this as- severation, immediately interposed, and pulling Hornbeck by the sleeve into his chamber, ' Gadszooks!' said he, ' what business had you with that petticoat ? Can't you let a young fellow enjoy a little amour with an innkeeper's daughter^ without exposing his infirmities to your wife ? Pshaw ! it is malicious, because you have quitted these adventures your- self, to spoil the sport of other people.' The poor husband was so confounded at the effrontery of his wife, and this ca- valier declaration of the young man, that his faith began to waver : he distrusted his own conscious diffidence of temper, which, that he might not expose, he expressed no doubts of Peregrine's veracity, but, asking pardon for the mistake he had committed, retired. He was not yet satisfied with the behaviour of his ingenious helpmate, but, on the contrary, determined to inquire more minutely into the circumstances ot this adventure, which turned out so little to his satisfaction, that he ordered his servant to get every thing ready for his departure by break of day ; and when our adventurer rose next morning, he found that his fellow-travellers were gone above three hours, though they had agreed to stay all the forenoon, with a view of seeing the prince of Conde's palace, and to proceed altogether for Paris in the afternoon. Peregrine was a little chagrined when he understood that he was so suddenly deprived of this untasted morsel ; and Jolter could not conceive the meaning of their abrupt and uncivil disappearance, which, after many profound conjec- tures, he accounted for, by supposing that Hornbeck was some sharper who had run away with an heiress, whom he found it necessary to conceal from the inquiry of her friends. The pupil, who was well assured of the true motive, al- lowed his governor to enjoy the triumph of his own penetra- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 2?23 tion, and consoled himself with the hope of seeing his dul- cinea again at some of the public places in Paris, whiph he proposed to frequent. Thus comforted, he visited the mag- nificent stables and palaces of Chantilly, and immediately after dinner they set out for Paris, where they arrived in the evening, and hired apartments at a hotel in the fauxburgh S^ Germaine, not far from the playhouse. CHAPTER XXXIX. He is involved in an adventure at Paris, and taken prisoner hy the city-guard — becomes acquainted with a French no- hleman, zoho introduces him in the beau monde. J. HEY were no sooner settled in these lodgings than our hero wrote to his uncle an account of their safe arrival, and sent another letter to his friend Gauntlet, with a very tender billet inclosed for his dear Emilia, to whom he repeated all his former vows of constancy and love. The next care that engrossed him was that of bespeaking several suits of clothes suitable to the French mode, and in the meantime he never appeared abroad, except in the Eng- lish coffeehouse, where he soon became acquainted with some of his own countrymen, who were at Paris on the same foot- ing with himself. The third evening after his journey, he was engaged in a party of those young sparks, at the house of a noted traiteur, whose wife was remarkably handsome, and otherwise extremely well qualified for alluring customers to her house. To this lady our young gentleman was intro- duced as a stranger fresh from England ; and he was charm- ed with her personal accomplishments, as well as with the freedom and gaiety of her conversation. Her frank deport- ment persuaded him that she was one of those kind creatures who granted favours to the best bidder ; on this supposition he began to be so importunate in his addresses, that the fair bourgeoise was compelled to cry aloud in defence of her own virtue. Her husband ran immediately to her assistance, and, finding her in a very alarming situation, flew upon her ra- visher with such fury, that he was fain to quit his prey, and 224 THE ADVENTURES OP turn against the exasperated traiteur, whom he punished "without mercy for his impudent intrusion. The lady seeing her yoke-fellow treated with so little respect, espoused his cause, and fixing her nails in his antagonist's face, scarified all one side of his nose. The noise of this encounter brought all the servants of the house to the rescue of their master, and Peregrine's company opposing them, a general battle ensued, in which the French were totally routed, the wife insulted, and the husband kicked down stairs. The publican enraged at the indignity which had been offered to him and his family, went out into the street, and implored the protection of the guet, or city-guard, which having heard his complaint, fixed their bayonets and sur- rounded the door, to the number of twelve or fourteen. The young gentlemen, flushed with their success, and considering the soldiers as so many London watchmen, whom they had often put to flight, drew their swords, and sallied out, with Peregrine at their head. Whether the guard respected them as foreigners, or inexperienced youths intoxicated with li- quor, they opened to right and left, and gave them room to pass without opposition. This complaisance which was the effect of compassion, being misinterpreted by the English leader, he, out of mere wantonness, attempted to trip up the heels of the soldier that stood next him, but failed in the ex- ecution, and received a blow on his breast with the butt end of his fusil, that made him stagger several paces backward. Incensed at this audacious application, the whole company charged the detachment sword in hand, and after an obsti- nate engagement, in which divers wounds were given and re- ceived, every soul of them was taken, and conveyed to the main-guard. The commanding officer, being made acquaint- ed with the circumstances of the quarrel, in consideration of their youth, and national ferocity, for which the French make large allowances, set them all at liberty, after having gently rebuked them for the irregularity and insolence of their con- duct : so that all our hero acquired by his gallantry and courage, was a number of ^scandalous marks upon his visage, that confined him a whole week to his chamber. It was im- PERECiRINE PICKLE. og.ft possible to conceal this disaster from Mr Joker, who having obtained intelligence of the particulars, did not fail to re- monstrate against the rashness of the adventure, which, he observed, must have been fatal to them, had their enemies been other than Frenchmen, who, of all people under the sun, most rigorously observe the laws of hospitality. As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly among Irish and English priests, and a set of low people who live by making themselves necessary to strangers, either in teaching the French lansruao-e, or executin which they wrote, there was a surprising affinity between his own works and those of that celebrated Theban ; and, as a confirmation of this truth, he immediately produced a sample of each, which, though in spirit and versification as different as the odes of Horace and our present poet laureat. Pere- grine did not scruple to pronounce altogether congenial, not- withstanding the violence he by this sentence offered to his own conscience, and a certain alarm of his pride, that was lyeak enough to be disturbed by the physician s ridiculous PEREGRINE PICKLE. -57 xamty and presumption, which, not contented with display- ing his importance in the world of taste and polite literature, manifested itself in arrogating certain material discoveries in the province of physic, which could not fail to advance him to the highest pinnacle of that profession, considering the recommendation of his other talents, together with a liberal fortune which he inherited from his father. CHAPTER XLIV. The dodo?' prepares an entertahiment in the manner of the ancients, lohich is attended with divers ridiculous circum- stances. In a word, our yofing gentleman, by his insinuating behavi- our, acquired the full confidence of the doctor, who invited him to an entertainment, which he intended to prepare in the manner of the ancients. Pickle struck with this idea, eagerly embraced the proposal, which he honoured with many en- comiums, as a plan in all respects worthy of his genius and apprehension ; and the day was appointed at some distance of time, that the treatcr might have leisure to compose cer- tain pickles and confections, which were not to be found among the culinary preparations of these degenerate days. With a view of rendering the physician"'s taste more con- spicuous, and extracting from it the more diversion. Pere- grine proposed that some foreigners should partake of the banquet ; and the task being left to his care and discretion, he actually bespoke the company of a French marquis, an Italian count, and a German baron, whom he knew to be egregious coxcombs, and tlierefore more likely to enhance the joy of the entertainment. Accordingly, the hour being arrived, he conducted them to the hotel where the physician lodged, after having regaled their expectation with an elegant meal in the genuine old Roman taste ; and they were received by Mr Pallet, who did the honours of the house, while his friend superintended the cook below. By this communicative painter, the guests un- Vol 11. R 258 THE ADVENTUKES OF derstood that the doctor had met with numerous difficulties in the execution of his design ; that no fewer than five cooks had been dismissed, because they could not prevail upon their own consciences to obey his directions in things that were contrary to the present practice of their art ; and that although he had at last engaged a person, by an extraordi- nary premium, to comply with his orders, the fellow was so astonished, mortified, and incensed, at the commands he had received, that his hair stood on end, and he begged on his knees to be released from the agreement he had made ; but finding that his employer insisted upon the performance of his contract, and threatened to introduce him to the com- missaire, if he should flinch from the bargain, he had, in the discharge of his office, wept, sung, cursed, and capered, for two whole hours without intermission. While the company listened to this odd information, by which they were prepossessed with strange notions of the dinner, their ears were invaded by a piteous voice, that ex- claimed in French, ' For the love of God ! dear Sir ! for the passion of Jesus Christ ! spare me the mortification of the honey and oil ! ' Their ears still vibrated with the sound, when the doctor entering, was by Peregrine made acquaint- ed with the strangers, to whom he, in the transports of his wrath, could not help complaining of the want of complai- sance he had found in the Parisian vulgar, by which his plan had been almost entirely ruined and set aside. The French marquis, who thought the honour of his nation was concerned at this declaration, professed his sorrow for what had happened, so contrary to the established character of the people, and undertook to see the delinquents severely punished, provided he could be informed of their names or places of abode. The mutual compliments that passed on this occasion were scarce finished, when a servant coming inta the room, announced dinner; and the entertainer led the way into another apartment, where they found a long table, or rather two boards joined together, and furnished with a va- riety of dishes, the steams of which had such evident effect upon the nerves of the company that the marquis made PEREGRINE PICKLE. 259 frightful grimaces, under pretence of taking snuff; the Ita- lian ""s eyes watered, the German's visage underwent several distortions of feature ; our hero found means to exclude the odour from his sense of smelling, by breathing only through his mouth ; and the poor painter, running into another room, plugged his nostrils with tobacco. The doctor himself, who was the only person then present whose organs were not discomposed, pointing to a couple of couches placed on each side of the table, told his guests that he was sorry he could not procure the exact triclina of the ancients, which were somewhat different from these conveniences, and desired they would have the goodness to repose themselves without ceremony, each in his respective couchette, while he and his friend Mr Pallet would place themselves upright at the ends, that they might have the pleasure of serving those that lay along. This disposition, of which the strangers had no pre- vious idea, disconcerted and perplexed them in a most ridi- culous manner ; the marquis and baron stood bowing to each other, on pretence of disputing the lower seat, but in reality with a view of profiting by the example of each other ; for neither of them understood the manner in which they were to loll ; and Peregrine, who enjoyed their confusion, handed the count to the other side, where with the most mischievous politeness, he insisted upon his taking possession ©f the upper place. In this disagreeable and ludicrous suspense, they continued acting a pantomime of gesticulations until the doctor earnest- ly entreated them to wave all compliment and form, lest the dinner should be spoiled before the ceremonial could be ad- justed. Thus conjured. Peregrine took the lower couch on the left-hand side, laying himself gently down, with his face towards the table. The marquis, in imitation of this pat- tern, (though he would have much rather fasted three days than run the risk of discomposing his dress by such an atti- tude), stretched himself upon the opposite place, reclining upon his elbow in a most painful and awkward situation, with his head raised above the end of the couch, that the economy of his hair might not suffer by the projection of 260 THE ADVEXTURES OP liis body. The Italian, being a thin limber creature, planted himself next to Pickle, without sustaining any misfortune, but that of his stocking being torn by a ragged nail of the scat, as he raised his legs on a level with the rest of his body But the baron, who was neither so wieldy nor supple in his joints as his companions, flounced himself down with such j)recipitation, that his feet suddenly tilting up, came in furious contact with the head of the marquis, and demolish- ed every curl in a twinkling, while his own skull, at the same instant, descended upon the side of his couch with such vio- lence, that his periwig was struck off, and the whole room hlled with pulvilio. The drollery of distress that attended this disaster entirely vanquished the affected gravity of our young gentleman, who was obliged to suppress his laughter by cramming his handkerchief in his mouth ; for the bareheaded German ask- ed pardon with such ridiculous confusion, and the marquis admitted his apology with such rueful complaisance, as were sufficient to awake the mirth of a quietest. This misfortune being repaired, as well as the circum- stances of the occasion would permit, and every one settled according to the arrangement already described, the doctor graciously undertook to give some account of the dishes as they occurred, that the company might be directed in their choice ; and, with an air of infinite satisfaction, thus began : — ' This here, gentlemen, is a boiled goose, served up in a sauce composed of pepper, lovage, coriander, mint, rue, anchovies, and oil ! I wish for your sakes, gentlemen, it was one of the geese of Fcrrara, so much celebrated among the ancients for the magnitude of their livers, one of which is said to have weighed upwards of two pounds ; with this food, exquisite as it was, did the tyrant Iieliogabalu3 regale his hounds. But I beg pardon, I had almost forgot the soup, which I hear is so necessary an article at all tables in France. At each end there are dishes of the salacacabia of the Ro- mans ; one is made of parsley, pennyroyal, cheese, pine- tops, honey, vinegar, brine, eggs, cucumbers, onions, and hen livers ; the other is much the same as the soup-maigra PEREGRINE MCKLE. 261 -of tliis country. I'hen there is ca loin of boiled veal with fennel and carraway seed, on a pottage composed of pickle, oil, honey, and flour, and a curious hashis of the lights, liver, and blood of a hare, together with a disli of roasted pigeons. Monsieur le Baron, shall I help you to a plate of this soup ?' The German, who did not at all disapprove of the ingre- dients, assented to the proposal, and seemed to relish the composition ; while the marquis, being asked by the painter which of the sillykicaby's he chose, was, in consequence of his desire, accommodated with a portion of the soup-maigre ; and the count, in lieu of spoon meat, of whicli he said he was no great admirer, supplied himself with a pigeon, therein conforming to the choice of our young gentleman, whose example he determined to follow through the whole course of the entertainment. The Frenchman, having swallowed the first spoonful, made a full pause, his throat swelled as if an egg had stuck in his gullet, his eyes rolled, and his mouth underwent a series of involuntary contractions and dilatations. Pallet, who looked Btedfastly at this connoisseur, with a view of consulting his taste, before he himself would venture upon the soup, began to be disturbed at these emotions, and observed with some concern, that the poor gentleman seemed to be going into a fit ; when Peregrine assured him, that these were symptoms of ecstacy, and, for further confirmation, asked the marquis how he found the soup. It was with infinite difficulty that his complaisance could so flir master his disgust, as to enable him to answer, ' altoget^ier excellent, upon my honour !' and the painter, being certified of his approbation, lifted the spoon to his mouth without scruple ; but far from justifying the eulogium of his taster, when this precious composition diffused itself upon his palate, he seemed to be deprived of all sense and motion, and sat like the leaden statue of some river god, with the liquor flowing out at both sides of hiis mouth. The doctor, alarmed at this indecent phenomenon, ear- nestly inquired into the cause of it ; and when Pallet reco- vered his recollection, and swore that he would rather swal- low porridge made of burning brimstone than such an infernaJ 262 THE ADVENTURES OF mess as that which he had tasted, the physician, in his own vindication, assured the company, that, except the usual in- gredients, he had mixed nothing in the soup but some sal- amoniac, instead of the ancient nitrum, which could not now be procured ; and appealed to the marquis, whether such a succedaneum was not an improvement on the whole. The unfortunate petitmaitre, driven to the extremity of his condescension, acknowledged it to be a masterly refinement ; and deeming himself obliged, in point of honour, to evince his sentiments by his practice, forced a few more mouthfuls of this disagreeable potion down his throat, till his stomach was so much offended, that he was compelled to start up of a sudden, and, in the hurry of his elevation, overturned his plate into the bosom of the baron. The emergency of his occasions would not permit him to stay and make apo- logies for this abrupt behaviour ; so that he flew into another apartment, where Pickle found him puking, and crossing himself with great devotion ; and a chair, at his desire, be- ing brought to the door, he slipped into it more dead than alive, conjuring his friend Pickle to make his peace with the company, and in particular excuse him to the baron, on account of the violent fit of illness with which he had been seized. It was not without reason that he employed a me- diator ; for when our hero returned to the dining-room, the German got up, and was under the hands of his own lacquey, who wiped the grease from a rich embroidered waistcoat, ■while he, almost frantic with his misfortune, stamped upon the ground, and in High Dutch cursed the unlucky banquet, and the impertinent entertainer, who, all this time, with great deliberation, consoled him for the disaster, by assuring him, that the damage might be repaired with some oil of turpen- tine, and a hot iron. Peregrine, who could scarce refrain from laughing in his face, appeased his indignation by tell- ing him how much the whole company, and especially the marquis, was mortified at the accident ; and the unhappy salacacabia being removed, the places were filled with two pyes, one of dormice, liquored with syrup of white poppies, which the doctor had substituted in the room of toasted PEREGRINE PICKLE. poppy-seed, formerly eaten with honey, as a desert ; and the other composed of an hock of pork baked in honey. Pallet, hearing the first of these dishes described, lifted up his hands and eyes, and with signs of loathing and amaze- ment, pronounced, ' a pye made of dormice and syrup of poppies : Lord in heaven ! what beastly fellows those Romans were !' His friend checked him for his irreverent exclamation with a severe look, and recommended the veal, of which he himself cheerfully ate, with such encomiums to the company, that the baron resolved to imitate his example, after having called for a bumper of burgundy, which the physician, for his sake, wished to have been the true wine of Falernum. The painter, seeing nothing else upon the table which he would venture to touch, made a merit of necessity, and had recourse to the veal also ; although he could not help saying, that he would not give one slice of the roast beef of Old England for all the dainties o^ a Roman emperor's table. But all the doctor'*s invitations and assurances could not pre- vail upon his guests to honour the hashis and the goose ; and that course was succeeded by another, in which he told them were divers of those dishes, which, among the ancients, had obtained the appellation of politeles, or magnificent. * That which smokes in the middle,' said he, ' is a sow's stomach, filled with a composition of minced pork, hog's brains, eggs, pepper, cloves, garlic, anniseed, rue, ginger, oil, wine, and pickle. On the right-hand side are the teats and belly of a sow, just farrowed, fried with sweet wine, oil, flour, lovage, and pepper. On the left is a fricassee of snails, fed, or rather purged, with milk. At that end next Mr Pallet are fritters of pompions, lovage, origanum, and oil ; and here are a couple of pullets, roasted and stuffed in the manner of Appicius.' The painter (who had by wry faces testified his abhorrence of the sow's stomach, which he compared to a bagpipe, and the snails which had undergone purgation), no sooner heard him mention the roasted pullets, than he eagerly solicited a wing of the fowl ; upon which the doctor desired he would take the trouble of cutting them up, and accordingly sent 264 THE ADVENTUltES OF them round, wliilc Mr Pallet tucked the table-cloth under his chin, and brandished his knife and fork with singular ad- dress; but scarce were they set down before him, when the tears ran down his cheeks, and he called aloud, in a manifest disorder, — ' Zounds ! this is the essence of a whole bed of garlic !' That he might not, however, disappoint or disgrace the entertainer, he applied his instruments to one of the birds; and, when he opened up the cavity, was assaulted by such an irruption of intolerable smells, that, without stay- ing to disengage himself from the cloth, he sprung away, with an exclamation of, ' Lord Jesus !' and involved the whole table in havoc, ruin, and confusion. Before Pickle could accomplish his escape, he was sauced with a syrup of the dormice pye, which went to pieces in the general wreck ; and as for the Italian count, he was over- whelmed by the sow's stomach, which, bursting in the fall, discharged its contents upon his leg and thigh, and scalded him so miserably, that he shrieked with anguish, and grinned with a most ghastly and horrible aspect. The baron, who sat secure without the vortex of this tu-. mult, was not at all displeased at seeing his companions in- volved in such a calamity as that which he had already shared ; but the doctor was confounded with shame and vex- ation. After having prescribed an application of oil to the count's leg, he expressed his sorrow for the misadventure, which he openly ascribed to want of taste and prudence in the painter, who did not think proper to return, and make an apology in person ; and protested that there was nothing in the fowls which could give offence to a sensible nose, the stuffing being a mixture of pepper, lovage, and assafoetida, and the sauce consisting of wine and herring-pickle, which he had used instead of the celebrated garum of the llomane ; that famous pickle having been prepared sometimes of the scombri which were a sort of tunny fish, and sometimes of the slluras, or shad fish ; nay, he observed, that there was a third kind called gaiiim hwmation^ made of the guts, gills, and blood, of the thijnnus. The physician, finding it would be impracticable to re- FEREGULNE PICKLE. 265 establish the order of the banquet, by presenting again the dishes which had been discomposed, ordered every thing to be removed, a clean cloth to be laid, and the desert to be brought in. Meanwhile he regretted his incapacity to give them a specimen of the aliens, or fish-meals of the ancients, such as the jus diabaton^ the conger-eel, which, in Galen's opinion, is hard of digestion ; the cornuta, or gurnard, described by Pliny in his Natural History, who says, the horns of many were a foot and a half in length ; the mullet and lamprey, that were in the highest estimation of old, of which last Julius Caesar borrowed six thousand for one triumphal supper. He observed, that the manner of dressing them was described by Horace, in the account he gives of the enter- tainment to which Maecenas was invited by the epicure Na- siedenus, Affertur squillos inter Murena, natantes, &c. and told them that they were commonly eaten with the thus Si/riacum, a certain anodyne and astringent seed, which qualified the purgative nature of the fish. Finally, this learn- ed physician gave them to understand, that, though this was reckoned a luxurious dish in the zenith of the Roman taste, it v/as by no means comparable, in point of expense, to some preparations in vogue about the time of that absurd voluptuary Heliogabalus, who ordered the brains of six hun- dred ostriches to be compounded in one mess. By this time the desert appeared, and the company were not a little rejoiced to see plain olives in salt and water; but what the master of the feast valued himself upon was, a sort of jelly, which he affirmed to be preferable to the Ii2/i)o- trirnma of Hesychius, being a mixture of vinegar, pickle, and honey, boiled to a proper consistence, and candied as- safoetida, which he asserted, in contradiction to Aumelber- gius and Lister, was no other than the lasc?- Sijriacum, so precious as to be sold among the ancients to the weight of a silver penny. The gentlemen took his word for the excel- lency of this gum, but contented themselves with the olives, which gave such an agreeable relish to the wine, that they 2G6 THE ADVENTURES OP seemed very well disposed to console themselves for the dis- graces they had endured ; and Pickle, unwilling to lose the least circumstance of entertainment that could be enjoyed in their company, went in quest of the painter, who re- mained in his penitentials in another apartment, and could not be persuaded to re-enter the banquetting room, until Pe- regrine undertook to procure his pardon from those whom he had injured. Having assured him of this indulgence, our young gentleman led him in like a criminal, bowing on all hands with an air of humility and contrition ; and par- ticularly addressing himself to the count, to whom he swore in English, as God was his Saviour, he had no intent to affiront man, woman, or child ; but was fain to make the best of his way, that he might not give the honourable company cause of offence, by obeying the dictates of nature in their presence. When Pickle interpreted this apology to the Italian, Pallet, was forgiven in very polite terms, and even received into favour by his friend the doctor, in consequence of our hero*'s intercession ; so that all the guests forgot their chagrin, and paid their respects so piously to the bottle, that, in a short time, the champaign produced very evident effects in the be- haviour of all present. CHAPTER XLV. The painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to a viasquC' rade in women s apparel — is eyigaged in a troublesome ad- venture^ and, with his companion^ conveyed to the Bastile. X HE painter, at the request of Pickle, who had a design upon the count's sense of hearing, favoured the company with the song of Bumper squire Jones, which yielded infinite satisfaction to the baron ; but affected the delicate ears of the Italian in such a manner, that his features expressed astonishment and disquiet ; and, by his sudden and repeated journeys to the door, it plainly appeared that he was in the same predicament with those, who, as Shakespeare observes, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 267 when the bagpipe sings in the nose, cannot contain their urine for affection. With a view, therefore, of vindicating music from such a barbarous taste, Mr Pallet had no sooner performed his task, than the count honoured his friends with some favourite airs of his own country, which he warbled with infinite grace and expression, though they had not energy sufficient to en- gage the attention of the German, who fell fast asleep upon his couch, and snored so loud as to interrupt, and totally an- nul, this ravishing entertainment ; so that they were fain to have recourse again to the glass, which made such innova- tions upon the brain of the physician, that he sung divers odes of Anacreon, to a tune of his own composing, and held forth upon the music and recitative of the ancients with great erudition ; while Pallet, having found means to make the Italian acquainted with the nature of his profession, ha- rangued upon painting with wonderful volubility, in a lan- guage which (it was well for his own credit) the stranger did not understand. At length the doctor was seized with such a qualm, that he begged Peregrine to lead him to his chamber ; and the baron being waked, retired with the count. Peregrine, being rendered frolicsome with the wine he had drank, proposed that he and Pallet should go to a mas- querade, which he recollected was to be given that night The painter did not want curiosity and inclination to accom- pany him, but expressed his apprehension of losing him in the ball, an accident which could not fail to be very disa- greeable, as he was an utter stranger to the language and the town. To obviate this objection, the landlady, who ■was of their counsel, advised him to appear in a woman's dress, which would lay his companion under the necessity of attending him with more care, as he could not, with decen- cy, detach himself from the lady whom he should introduce ; besides, such a supposed connection would hinder the ladies of pleasure from accosting and employing their seducing arts upon a person already engaged. Oiur young gentleman, foreseeing the abundance of diver- 268 THE ADVENTUUES OF bion in the execution of this project, seconded the proposal with such importunity and address, that the painter allowed himself to be habited in a suit belonging to the landlady, who also procured for him a mask and domino, while Pickle provided himself with a Spanish dress. In this disguise, which they put on about eleven o'clock, did they, attended by Pipes, set out in a fiacre for the ball room, into which Pickle led this supposititious female, to the astonishment of the whole company, who had never seen such an uncouth figure in the appearance of a woman. After they had taken a view of all the remarkable masks, and the painter had been treated with a glass of liquor, his mischievous companion gave him the slip, and vanishing in an instant, returned with another mask and a domino over his habit, that he might enjoy Pallet's perplexity, and be at hand to protect him from insult. The poor painter having lost his guide, was almost dis- tracted with anxiety, and stalked about the room in quest of him, with such huge strides and oddity of gesture, that he was followed by a whole multitude, who gazed at him as a preternatural phenomenon. This attendance increased his uneasiness to such a degree, that he could not help uttering a soliloquy aloud, in which he cursed his fate for having de- pended upon the promise of such a wag ; and swore, that, if once he was clear of this scrape, he would not bring him- self into such a preminure again for the whole kingdom of France. Divers petit-maitres understanding the masque was a fo- reigner, who, in all probability, could not speak French, made up to liim in their turns, in order to display their wit and address, and teased him with several arch questions, to which he made no other answer than, ' No parly Francy. Damn your chattering ! — go about your business, can't ye i'' Among the masks was a nobleman, who began to be very free with the supposed lady, and attempted to plunge his hand into her bosom : but the painter was too modest to suffer such indecent treatment ; and, when the gallant repeated his efforts in a manner still more indelicate, lent him such a PEREGRINE PICKLE. 269 box on the ear, as made the lights dance before him, and created such a suspicion of Pallet's sex, that the French- man swore he was either a male or hermaphrodite, and in- sisted upon a scrutiny, for the sake of his own honour, with such obstinacy of resentment, that the fictitious nymph was in imminent danger, not only of being exposed, but also of undergoing severe chastisement, for having made so free with the prince's ear ; when Peregrine, who saw and overheard every thing that passed, thought it was high time to interpose ; and accordingly asserted his pretensions to the insulted lady, who was overjoyed at this proof of his protection. The affronted gallant persevered in demanding to kno^ who she was, and our hero as strenuously refused to give him that satisfaction : so that high words ensued ; and the prince threatening to punish his insolence, the young gentle- man, who was not supposed to know his quality, pointed to the place where his own sword used to hang ; and, snapping his fingers in his face, laid hold on the painter's arm, and led him to another part of the room, leaving his antagonist to the meditations of his own revenge. Pallet, having chid his conductor for his barbarous de- sertion, made him acquainted with the difficulty in which he had been involved, and, flatly telling him he would not put it in his power to give him the slip again, held fast by his arm during the remaining part of the entertainment, to the no small diversion of the company, whose attention was altogether engrossed in the contemplation of such an awk- ward, ungainly, stalking apparition. At last. Pickle being tired of exhibiting this raree-show, complied with the re- peated desires of his companion, and handed her into the coach ; which he himself had no sooner entered, than they were surrounded by a file of musketeers, commanded by an exempt, who, ordering the coach-door to be opened, took his place with great deliberation, while one of his detachment mounted the box^ in order to direct the driver. Peregrine at once conceived the meaning of this arrest, and it was well for lum be had no weapon wherewith to stand 2T0 THE ADVENTURE3 OF upon his defence ; for such was the impetuosity and rashness of his temper that, had he been armed, lie would have run all risks rather than surrender himself to any odds whatever ; but Pallet imagining that the officer was some gentleman who had mistaken their carriage for his own, desired his friend to undeceive the stranger ; and when he was informed of the real state of their condition, his knees began to shake, his teeth to chatter, and he uttered a most doleful lamentation, importing his fear of being carried to some hideous dungeon of the Bastile, where he should spend the rest of his days in misery and horror, and never see the light of God's sun, nor the face of a friend, but perish in a foreign land, far removed from his family and connections. Pickle damned him for his pusillanimity ; and the exempt hearing a lady bemoan herself so piteously, expressed his mortification at being the instru- ment of giving her such pain, and endeavoured to console them, by representing the lenity of the French government, and the singular generosity of the prince, by whose order they were apprehended. Peregrine, whose discretion seemed to forsake him on all such occasions, exclaimed with great bitterness against the arbitrary administration of France, and inveighed, with many expressions of contempt, against the character of the offended prince, whose resentment (far from being noble, he said) was pitiful, ungenerous, and unjust. To this remon- strance the officer made no reply, but shrugged up his shoul- ders in silent astonishment at the hardiesse of the prisoner ; and the fiacre was just on the point of setting out, when they heard the noise of a scuffle at the back of the coach, and the voice of Tom Pipes pronouncing, ' I'll be damned if I do.' This trusty attendant had been desired by one of the guard to descend from his station in the rear ; but, as he resolved to share his master's fate, he took no notice of their entreaties, until they were seconded by force ; and that he endeavoured to repel with his heel, which he applied with such energy to the jaws of the soldier who first came into contact with him, that they emitted a crashing sound like a dried walnut be- tween the grinders of a templar in the pit. Exasperated at PEREGRINE PICKLE. 271 this outrage, the other saluted Tom's posteriors with his bay- onet, which incommoded 'him so much, that he could no longer keep his post, but leaping upon the ground, gave his antagonist a chuck under the chin, which laid him upon his back, and then skipping over him with infinite agility, ab- sconded among the crowd of coaches, till he saw the guard mount before and behind upon his master's fiacre, which no sooner set forward than he followed at a small distance, to reconnoitre the place where Peregrine should be confined. After having proceeded slowly through many windings and turnings, to a part of Paris in which Pipes was an utter stranger, the coach stopped at a great gate, with a wicket in the middle, which being opened at the approach of the car- riage, the prisoners were admitted ; and the guard returning with the fiacre, Tom determined to watch in that place all night, that in the morning he might make such observations as might be conducive to the enlargement of his master. CHAPTER XLVI. By the fidelity of Pipes, Jolter is informed of his pupiTsJate — confers with the physician — applies to the ambassador^ who with great difficulty^ obtains the discharge of the prisoners^ on certain conditions. J. HIS plan he executed, notwithstanding the pain of his wound, and the questions of the city guard, both horse and foot, to which he could make no other answer than ' An^ glois^ Anglois ;"* and as soon as it was light, taking an accu- rate survey of the castle (for such it seemed to be) into which Peregrine and Pallet had been conveyed, together with its situation in respect to the river, he went home to their lod- gings, and waking Mr Jolter, gave him an account of the ad- venture. The governor wrung his hands in the utmost grief and consternation, when he heard this untortunate piece of news ; he did not doubt that his pupil was imprisoned in the Bastile for life; and, in the anguish of his apprehension, cursed the day on which he had undertaken to superintend the conduct of such an imprudent young man, who had, hj 272 THE ADVENTURES OF reiterated insults, provoked the vengeance of such a mild forbearing administration. That he might not, however, neglect any means in his power to extricate him from his present misfortune, he dispatched Thomas to the doctor, with an account of his companion's fate, that they might join their interest in behalf of the captives ; and the physi- cian being informed of what had happened, immediately dressed himself, and repaired to Jolter, whom he accosted in these words : ' Now, sir, I hope you are convinced of your error, in asserting, that oppression can never be the effect of arbitrary power. Such a calamity as this could never have happened under the Athenian democracy : nay, even when the tyrant Pisistratus got possession of that commonwealth, he durst not venture to rule with such absolute and unjust dominion. You shall see now that Mr Pickle and my friend Pallet will fall a sacrifice to the tyranny of lawless power ; and, in my opinion, we shall be accessory to the ruin of this poor enslaved people, if we bestir ourselves in demanding or imploring the release of our unhappy countrymen : as we may thereby prevent the commission of a flagrant crime, which would fill up the vengeance of Heaven against the perpetra- tors, and perhaps be the means of restoring a whole nation to the unspeakable fruition of freedom. For my own part, I should rejoice to see the blood of my father spilt in such a glorious cause, provided such a victim would furnish me with the opportunity of dissolving the chains of slavery, and vindicating that liberty which is the birth-right of man. Then would my name be immortalized among the patriot heroes of antiquity, and my memory, like that of Harmo- dius and Aristogiton, be honoured by statues erected at the public expense.' This rhapsody, which was delivered with great emphasis and agitation, gave so much offence to Jolter, that, without speaking one word, he retired in great wrath to his own chamber, and the republican returned to his lodg- ing, in full hope of his prognostic being verified in the death and destruction of Peregrine and the painter, which must give rise to some renowned revolution, wherein he himself would act a principal part. But the governor, whose ira*- J>EREGRINE PICKLE. S78 gination was not quite so warm and prolific, went directly to the ambassador, whom he informed of his pupil's situation, and besought to interpose with the French ministry, that he and the other British subject might obtain their liberty. His excellency asked if Jolter could guess at the cause of his imprisonment, that he might be the better prepared to vindicate or excuse his conduct ; but neither he nor Pipes could give the smallest hint of intelligence on that subject ; though he furnished himself from Tom's own mouth with a circumstantial account of the manner in which his master had been arrested, as well as of his own behaviour, and the dis- aster he had received on that occasion. His lordship never doubted that Pickle had brought this calamity upon himself by some unlucky prank he had played at the masquerade ; especially when he understood that the young gentleman had drank freely in the afternoon, and been so whimsical as to go thither with a man in woman's apparel ; and he, that same day, waited on the French minister, in full confidence of obtaining his discharge ; but met with more difficulty than he expected, the court of France being extremely punc- tilious in every thing that concerns a prince of the blood : the ambassador was therefore obliged to talk in very high terms ; and though the present circumstances of the French politics would not allow them to fall out with the British ad- ministration for trifles, all the favour he could procure, was a promise that Pickle should be set at liberty, provided he would ask pardon of the prince to whom he had given of- fence. His excellency thought this was but a reasonable con- descension, supposing Peregrine to have been in the wrong ; and Jolter was admitted to him, in order to communicate and reinforce his lordship's advice, which was, that he should comply with the terms proposed. The governor, who did not enter this gloomy fortress without fear and trembling, found his pupil in a dismal apartment, void of all furniture, but a stool, and truckle-bed : the moment he was admitted, he perceived the youth whistling with great unconcern, and working with his pencil at the bare wall, on which he had delineated a ludicrous figure, labelled with the name of the Vol IL S 274 THE ADVENTURES OF nobleman whom he had affronted, and an English mastiff, Anth his leg lifted up, in the attitude of making water in his shoe. He had been even so presumptuous as to explain the device with satirical inscriptions in the French language, which, when Joker perused, hjs hair stood on end with af- fright. The very turnkey was confounded and overawed by the boldness of his behaviour, which he had never seen matched by any inhabitant of that place ; and actually joined his friend in persuading him to submit to the easy demand of the minister. But our hero, far from embracing the coun- sel of this advocate, handed him to the door with great cere- mony, and dismissed him with a kick on the breech ; and to all the supplications, and even tears, of Jolter, made no other reply, than that he could stoop to no condescension, because he had committed no crime ; but would leave his case to the cognizance and exertion of the British court, whose duty it was to see justice done to its own subjects : he desired, however, that Pallet, who was confined in another place, might avail himself of his own disposition, which was sufficiently pliable. But when the governor desired to see his fellow-prisoner, the turnkey gave him to understand, that he had received no orders relating to the lady, and therefore could not admit him into her apartment ; though he was complaisant enough to tell him that she seemed very much mortified at her confinement, and at certain times be- haved as if her brain was not a little disordered. Jolter, thus baffled in all his endeavours, quitted the Bastile with a heavy heart, and reported his fruitless negociation to the ambassador, who could not help breaking forth into some acrimonious expressions against the obstinacy and insolence of the young man, who, he said, deserved to suffer for his folly. Nevertheless, he did not desist from his representa- tions to the French ministry, which he found so unyielding, that he was obliged to threaten, in plain terms, to make it a national concern ; and not only write to his court for in- structions, but even advise the council to make reprisals, and send some French gentlemen in London to the Tower. This intimation had an effect upon the ministry at Ver- PEREGKINE PICKLE. ^75 ?^ailles, who, rather than run the risk of incensing a people, whom it was neither their interest nor incUnation to disobhge, consented to discharge the offenders, on condition that they should leave Paris in three days after their enlargement. This proposal was readily agreed to by Peregrine, who was now a little more tractable, and heartily tired of being cooped up in such an uncomfortable abode, for the space of three long days, without any sort of communication or en- tertainment, but that which his own imagination suggested. CHAPTER XLVII. Peregrine makes himself merry at the expense of the painter, who curses his landlady, and breaks xvith the doctor. As he could easily conceive the situation of his companion in adversity, he was unwilling to leave the place until he had reaped some diversion from his distress, and with that view repaired to the dungeon of the afflicted painter, to which he had by this time free access. When he entered, the first object that presented itself to his eye was so uncommonly ridiculous, that he could scarce preserve that gravity of countenance which he had affected in order to execute the joke he had planned. The forlorn Pallet sat upright in his bed, in a dishabille that was altogether extraordinary. He had laid aside his monstrous hoop, together with his stays, gown, and petticoat, wrapped his lappets about his head by way of night-cap, and wore his domino as a loose morn- ing-dress ; his grizzled locks hung down about his lack- lustre eyesj and tawney neck, in all the disorder of negli- gence ; his grey beard bristled about half an inch through the remains of the paint with which his visage had been be- daubed, and every feature of his face was lengthened to the most ridiculous expression of grief and dismay. Seeing Pere- grine come in, he started up, in a sort of frantic ecstacy, and running towards him with open arms, no sooner perceived the woeful appearance into which our hero had modelled his physiognomy, than he stopped short all of a sudden, and 276 THE ADVENTURES Of the joy which had begun to take possession of his heart was in a moment dispelled by the most rueful presages ; so that he stood in a most ludicrous posture of dejection, like a ma- lefactor at the Old Bailey, when sentence is about to be pro- nounced. Pickle, taking him by the hand, heaved a pro- found sigh, and after having protested that he was extremely mortified at being pitched ujion as the messenger of bad news, told him with an air of sympathy and infinite con- cern, that the French court having discovered his sex, had resolved, in consideration of the outrageous indignity he of- fered in public to a prince of the blood, to detain him in the Bastile a prisoner for life ; and that this sentence was a mi- tigation obtained by the importunities of the British ambas- sador, the punishment ordained by law being no other than breaking alive upon the wheel. These tidings aggravated the horrors of the painter to such a degree, that he roared aloud, and skipped about the room in all the extravagance of distraction ; taking God and man to witness, that he would rather suffer immediate death than endure one year's im- prisonment in such a hideous place ; and cursing the hour of his birth, and the moment in which he departed from his own country. For my own part (said his tormentor, in a hypocritical tone), I was obliged to swallow the bitter pill of making submissions to the prince, who, as I had not pre- sumed to strike him, received acknowledgments, in conse- quence of which I shall be this day set at liberty ; and there is even one expedient left for the recovery of your freedom. It is, I own, a disagreeable remedy ; but one had better un- dergo a little mortification, than be for ever wretched. Be- sides, upon second thoughts, I begin to imagine that you will not for, such a trifle sacrifice yourself to the unceasing hor- rors of a solitary dungeon, especially as your condescension will in all probability be attended with advantages which you could not otherwise enjoy. Pallet, interrupting him with great eagerness, begged for the love of God that he would no longer keep him in the torture of suspense, but mention that same remedy, which he was resolved to swallow, let it be never so unpalatable. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 977 Peregrine, having thus played upon his passions of fear and liope, answered, that as the offence was committed in the habit of a woman, which was a disguise unworthy of the other sex, the French court was of opinion that the dehnquent should be reduced to the neuter gender ; so that there was an alternative at his own option, by which he had it in his pow- er to regain immediate freedom. ' What !' cried the paint- er, in despair, ' become a singer ? gadzooks ! and the devil and all that ; I'll rather lie still where I am, and let myself be devoured by vermin.' Then thrusting out his throat, ' here is my wind-pipe/ said he, ' be so good, my dear friend, as to give it a slice or two ; if you don't, I shall one of these days be found dangling in my garters. What an unfortunate rascal I am ! what a blockhead, and a beast, and a fool, was I, to trust myself among such a barbarous ruffian race ! Lord forgive you, Mr Pickle, for having been the immediate cause of my disaster ; if you had stood by me from the beginning, according to your promise, I should not have been teased by that coxcomb who has brought me to this pass. And why did I put on this damn'd unlucky dress ? Lard curse that chattering Jezebel of a landlady, who advised such a pre- posterous disguise ! a disguise which hath not only brought me to this pass, but also rendered me abominable to myself, and frightful to others ; for when I this morning signified to the turnkey, that I wanted to be shaved, he looked at my beard with astonishment, and, crossing himself, muttered his pater noster, believing me (I suppose) to be a witch, or something worse. And Heaven confound that loathsome banquet of the ancients, which provoked me to drink too freely, that I might wash away the taste of that accursed sillikicaby.' Our young gentleman, having heard his lamentation to an end, excused himself for his conduct, by representing, that he could not possibly foresee the disagreeable consequences that attended it; and, in the meantime, strenuously counselled him to submit to the terms of his enlargement. He ob- served, that he was now arrived at that time of life, when the lusts of the flesh should be entirely mortified within him, 278 THE ADVENTURES OF and his greatest concern ought to be the health of his soni, to which nothing could more effectually contribute than the amputation which was proposed ; that his body, as well as his mind, would profit by the change, because he would have no dangerous appetite to gratify, and no carnal thoughts to divert him from the duties of his profession ; and his voice, which was naturally sweet, wovJd improve to such a degree, that he would captivate the ears of all the people of fashion and taste, and in a little time be celebrated under the appel- lation of the English Senesino. These arguments did not fail to make an impression upon the painter, who, nevertheless, started two objections to his compliance ; namely, the disgrace of his punishment, and the dread of his wife. Pickle undertook to obviate these difficulties, by assuring him that the sentence would be ex- ecuted so privately as never to transpire ; and that his wife could not be so unconscionable, after so many years of coha- bitation, as to take exceptions to an expedient, by which she would not only enjoy the conversation of her husband, but even the fruits of those talents which the knife would so remarkably refine. Pallet shook his head at this last remonstrance, as if he thought it would not be altogether convincing to his spouse ; but yielded to the proposal, provided her consent could be obtained. Just as he signified this condescension, the jailer entered, and addressing himself to the supposed lady, expres- sed his satisfaction in having the honour to tell her, that she was no longer a prisoner. As the painter did not under- stand one word of what he said. Peregrine undertook the office of interpreter, and made his friend believe the jailer's speech was no other than an intimation, that the ministry had sent a surgeon to execute what was proposed, and that the instruments and dressings were prepared in the next room. Alarmed and terrified at this sudden appointment, he flew to the other end of the room, and snatched up an earthen chamber-pot, which was the only offensive weapon in the place, put himself in a posture of defence, and, with ■ many oaths, threatened to try the temper of the barber's skull, if he should presume to set his nose within the apartment. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 279 The jailer, who little expected such a reception, conclud- ed that the poor gentlewoman had actually lost her wits, and retreated with precipitation, leaving the door open as he went out. Upon which Pickle, gathering up the particulars of his dress with great dispatch, crammed them into Pallet's arms, and, taking notice that now the coast was clear, ex- horted him to follow his footsteps to the gate, where a hack- ney coach stood for his reception. There being no time for hesitation, the painter took his advice, and, without quitting the utensil, which, in his hurry, he forgot to lay down, sal- lied out in the rear of our hero, with all that wildness of ter- ror and impatience which may be reasonably supposed to take possession of a man who flies from perpetual imprison- ment. Such was the tumult of his agitation, that his faculty of thinking was for the present utterly overwhelmed, and he saw no object but his conductor, whom he followed, by a sort of instinctive impulse, without regarding the keepers and centinels, who, as he passed, with his clothes under one arm, and his chamber-pot brandished above his head, were con- founded, and even dismayed, at the strange apparition. During the whole course of this irruption, he ceased not to cry, with great vociferation, ' Drive, coachman, drive in the name of God !' And the carriage had proceeded the length of a whole street, before he manifested the least sign of reflection, but stared like the gorgon's head, with his mouth wide open, and each particular hair crawling and twining like an animated serpent. At length, however, he began to recover the use of his senses, and asked if Peregrine thought him out of all danger of being retaken. This unrelenting wag, not yet satisfied with the affliction he had imposed upon the sufferer, answered, with an air of doubt and concern, that he hoped they would not be overtaken, and prayed to God they might not be retarded by a stop of carriages. Pal- let fervently joined in this supplication, and they advanced a few yards further, when the noise of a coach at full speed behind them invaded their ears ; and Pickle, having looked out of the window, withdrew his head in seeming confu- sion, and exclaimed, ' Lord have mercy upon us ! I wish 280 THE ADVENTURES OF that may not be a guard sent after us. Methinks I saw the muzzle of a fusil sticking out of the coach.' The painter, hearing these tidings, that instant thrust himself half out at the window, with his helmet still in his hand, bellowing to the coachman, as loud as he could roar, ' Drive ! dama ye ! drive to the gates of Jericho, and ends of the earth ! Drive you raggamuffin, you rascallion, you hell-hound ! drive us to the pit of hell, rather than we should be taken I' Such a phantom could not pass without attracting the cu- riosity of the people, who ran to the doors and windows, in order to behold this object of admiration. With the same view, that coach, which was supposed to be in pursuit of him, stopped just as the window of each happened to be opposite ; and Pallet, looking behind, and seeing three men standing upon the foot-board, armed with canes, which his fear converted into fusils, never doubted that his friend's sus- picion was just ; but, shaking his Jordan at the imaginary guard, swore he would sooner die than part with his precious ware. The owner of the coach, who was a nobleman of the first quality, mistook him for some unhappy woman depriv- ed of her senses ; and, ordering his coachman to proceed, convinced the fugitive, to his infinite joy, that this was no more than a false alarm. He was not, for all that, freed from anxiety and trepidation ; but our young gentleman, fearing his brain would not bear a repetition of the same joke, permitted him to gain his own lodgings, without fur- ther molestation. His landlady, meeting him on the stairs was so affected at his appearance, that she screamed aloud, and betook herself to flight ; while he, cursing her with great bitterness, rushed into the apartment of the doctor, who, instead of re- ceiving him with cordial embraces, and congratulating him upon his deliverance, gave evident tokens of umbrage and discontent ; and even plainly told him, he hoped to have heard that he and Mr Pickle had acted the glorious part of Cato — an event which would have- laid the foundation of such noble struggles, as could not fail to end in hap- piness and freedom ; and that he had already made some PEREGRINE PICKLE. 281 progress in an ode that would have immortalized their names, and inspired the flame of liberty in every honest breast. — ' There,' said he, ' I would have proved, that great talents, and high sentiments of liberty, do reciprocally produce and assist each other; and illustrated my assertions with such notes and quotations from the Greek writers, as would have opened the eyes of the most blind and unthinking, and touch- ed the most callous and obdurate heart. O fool ! to think the man, whose ample mind must grasp whatever yonder stars survey — Pray, Mr Pallet, what is your opinion of that image of the mind's grasping the whole universe ? For my own part, I can't help thinking it the most happy conception that ever entered my imagination.' The painter, who was not such a flaming enthusiast in the cause of liberty, could not brook the doctor's reflections, which he thought savoured a little too much of indifference and deficiency in point of private friendship ; and therefore seized the present opportunity of mortifying his pride, by observing, that the image was, without all doubt, very grand and magnificent ; but that he had been obliged for the idea to Mr Bayes, in the Rehearsal, who values himself upon the same figure, conveyed in these words. But all these clouds^ when hy the eye of reason grasp' d, he. Upon any other occasion, the painter would have triumphed greatly in this detection ; but such was the flutter and confusion of his spi- rits, under the apprehension of being retaken, that, without further communication, he retreated to his own room, in order to resume his own dress, which he hoped would alter his appearance in such a manner, as to baffle all search and examination; while the physician remained ashamed and abashed, to find himself convicted of bombast by a person of such contemptible talents. He was offended at this proof of his memory, and so much enraged at his presumption in exhibiting it, that he could never forgive his want of reve- rence, and took every opportunity of exposing his ignorance and folly in the sequel. Indeed the ties of private affection were too weak to engage the heart of this republican, whose zeal for the community had entirely swallowed up his con- S82 THE ADVENTURES OF cern for individuals. He looked upon particular friendship as a passion unworthy of his ample soul, and was a professed admirer of L. IVIanlius, Junius Brutus, and those later patriots of the same name, who shut their ears against the cries of na- ture, and resisted all the dictates of gratitude and humanity. CHAPTER XLVIII. Pallet conceives a hearty contemptof his fellow-traveller ^ anA attaches himself to PicMe^ who, nevertheless, persecutes him with his mischievous talents upon the road to Flanders. In the meantime his companion having employed divers pails full of water, in cleansing himself from the sqalour of a jail, submitted his face to the barber, tinged his eye-brows with a sable hue, and, being dressed in his own clothes, ventured to visit Peregrine, who was still under the hands of his valet- de-chambre, and who gave him to understand, that his escape had been connived at, and that the condition of their de- liverance was their departure from Paris in three days. The painter was transported with joy, when he learnt that he ran no risk of being retaken ; and, far from repining at the terms of his enlargement, would have willingly set out ©n his return to England that same afternoon ; for the Bas- tile had made such an impression upon him, that he started at the sound of every coach, and turned pale at sight of a French soldier. In the fulness of his heart, he complained of the doctor's indifference, and related what had passed at their meeting, with evident marks of resentment and disre- spect ; which were not at all diminished, when Jolter inform- ed him of the physician"'s behaviour when he sent for him to confer about the means of abridging their confinement. Pickle himself was incensed at the want of bowels ; and, per- ceiving how much he had sunk in the opinion of his fellow- traveller, resolved to encourage these sentiments of disgust, and occasionally foment the division to a downright quarrel, which he foresaw would produce some diversion, and perhaps expose the poet's character in such a light as would effectu- ally punish him for his arrogance and barbarity. With this PEREGRINE PICKLE. view, he levelled several satirical jokes at the doctor's pe- dantry and taste, which had appeared so conspicuous in the quotations he had got by heart from ancient authors ; in his affected disdain of the best pictures in the world, which, had he been endowed with the least share of discernment, he could not have beheld with such insensibility ; and, lastly, in his ridiculous banquet, which none but an egregious cox- comb, devoid of all elegance and sense, would have prepared, or presented to rational beings. In a word, our young gen- tleman played the artillery of his wit against him with such success, that the painter seemed to wake from a dream, and went home with the most hearty contempt for the per- son he had formerly adored. Instead of using the privilege of a friend, to enter his apart- ment without ceremony, he sent in his servant with a mes- sage, importing, that he intended to set out from Paris next day, in company with Mr Pickle, and desiring to know whether or not he was or would be prepared for the joiu*ney. The doctor, struck with the manner, as well as the matter, of this intimation, went immediately to Pallet's room, and de- manded to know the cause of such a sudden determination, without his privity or concurrence ; and, when he understood the necessity of their affairs, rather than travel by himself, he ordered his baggage to be packed up, and signified his readiness to conform to the emergency of the case ; though he was not at all pleased with the cavalier behaviour of Pallet, to whom he threw out some hints of his own importance, and the immensity of his condescension, in favouring hira with such marks of regard. But by this time these insinua- tions had lost their effect upon the painter, who told him, with an arch sneer, that he did not at all question his learn- ing and abihties, and particularly his skill in cookery, which he should never forget while his palate retiiined its function ; but nevertheless advised him, for the sake of the degenerate eaters of these days, to spare a little of his sal amoniac in the next sillykickaby he should prepare ; and bate somewhat of the devil's dung, which he had so plentifully crammed in- to the roasted fowls, unless he had a mind to convert his 284 THE ADVENTURES OF guests into patients, with a view of licking himself whole for the expense of the entertainment. The physician, nettled at these sarcasms, eyed him with a look of indignation and disdain ; and, being unwilling to ex- press himself in English, lest, in the course of the altercation, Pallet should be so much irritated as to depart without him, he vented his anger in Greek. The painter, though, by the sound, he supposed this quotation to be Greek, compliment- ed his friend upon his knowledge in the Welsh language, and found means to rally him quite out of temper ; so that he retired to his own chamber in the utmost wrath and morti- fication, and left his antagonist exulting over the victory he had won. While those things passed between these originals, Pere- grine waited upon the ambassador, whom he thanked for his kind interposition, acknowledging the indiscretion of his own conduct, with such appearance of conviction, and promises of reformation, that his excellency freely forgave him for all the trouble he had been put to on his account, fortified him with sensible advices, and, assuring him of his continual favour and friendship, gave him, at parting, letters of introduction to several persons of quality belonging to the British court. Thus distinguished, our young gentleman took leave of all his French acquaintance, and spent the evening with some of those who had erjoyed the greatest share of his intimacy and confidence ; while Jolter superintended his domestic concerns, and, with infinite joy, bespoke a post-chaise and horses, in order to convey him from a place where he lived in continual apprehension of suffering by the dangerous disposition of his pupil. Every thing being adjusted ac- cording to their pian, they and their fellow-travellers next day dined together, and, about four in the afternoon, took their departure in two chaises, escorted by the valet-de- chambre, Pipes, and the doctor's lacquey, on horseback, well furnished with arms and ammunition, in case of being at- tacked by robbers on the road. It was about eleven o'clock at night when they arrived at Senhs, which was the place at which they proposed to lodge. ?EREGRIiJE PICKLE. 285 and where they were obliged to knock up the people of the inn, before they could have their supper prepared. All the provision in the house was but barely sufficient to furnish one indifferent meal : however, the painter consoled himself for the quantity with the quality of the dishes, one of which was a fricassee of rabbit, a preparation which he valued above all the dainties that ever smoked upon the table of the sumptuous Heliogabalus. He had no sooner expressed himself to this effect, than our hero, who was almost incessantly laying traps for di- version at his neighbour's expense, laid ^old on the declara- tion ; and recollecting the story of Scipio and the muleteer in Gil Bias, resolved to perpetrate a joke upon the stomach of Pallet, which seemed particularly well disposed to an hearty supper. He accordingly digested his plan ; and, the company being seated at table, affected to gaze with peculiar eagerness at the painter, who had helped himself to a large portion of the fricassee, and began to swallow it with infinite relish. Pallet, notwithstanding the keenness of his appetite, could not help taking notice of Pickle''s demeanour ; and, making a short pause in the exercise of his grinders, ' You are surprised,'' said he, ' to see me make so much dispatch ; but I was extremely hungry, and this is one of the best fri- cassees I ever tasted : the French are very expert in these dishes, that I must allow ; and, upon my conscience, I would never desire to eat a more delicate rabbit than this that lies upon my plate.' Peregrine made no other reply to this encomium, than the repetition of the word 'rabbit!' with a note of admiration, and such a significant shake of the head, as effectually alarm- ed the other, who instantly suspended the action of his jaws, and, with the morsel half chewed in his mouth, stared round him with a certain solidity of apprehension, which is easier conceived than described, until his eyes encountered the coun- tenance of Thomas Pipes, who being instructed, and posted opposite to him for the occasion, exhibited an arch grin, that completed the painter's disorder. Afraid of swallowing his mouthful, and ashamed to dispose of it any other way, he 986 TUE ADVfeNTURES OF sat some time in a most distressed state of suspense ; and, being questioned by Mr Jolter touching his calamity, made a violent effort of the muscles of his gullet, which with dif- ficulty performed their office, and then, with great confusion and concern, asked if Mr Pickle suspected the rabbit's identity ? The young gentleman, assuming a mysterious air, pretended ignorance of the matter ; observing, that he was apt to suspect all dishes of that kind, since he had been informed of the tricks which were commonly played at inns in France, Italy, and Spain, and recounted that passage in Gil Bias, which we have hinted at above, saying, he did not pretend to be a connoisseur in animals, but the legs of the creature which composed that fricassee, did not, in his opi- nion, resemble those of the rabbits he had usually seen. This observation had an evident effect upon the features of the painter, who, with certain signs of loathing and astonish- ment, exclaimed, ' Lord Jesus !' and appealed to Pipes for a discovery of the truth, by asking if he knew any thing of the affair. Tom very gravely replied, that he did not suppose the food was wholesome enough, for he had seen the skin and feet of a special ram-cat, new flea'd, hanging upon the door of a small pantry adjoining to the kitchen. Before this sentence was uttered, Pallet's belly seemed to move in contact with his back-bone, his colour changed, no part but the whites of his eyes were to be seen, he dropped his lower jaw, and fixing his hands in his sides, retched with such convulsive agonies, as amazed and disconcerted the whole company ; and what augmented his disorder, was the tenacious retention of his stomach, which absolutely re- fused to part with its contents, notwithstanding all the energy of his abhorrence, which threw him into a cold sweat, and almost into a swoon. Pickle, alarmed at his condition, assured him it was a genuine rabbit, and that he had tutored Pipes to say other- wise for the joke's sake. But this confession he considered as a friendly artifice of Pickle's compassion, and therefore it had little effect upon his constitution. By the assistance, however, of a large bumper of brandy, his spirits were re- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 287 cruited, and his recollection so far recovered, that he was able to declare, with divers contortions of face, that the dish had a particular rankness of taste, which he had imputed partly to the nature of the French coney, and partly to the com- position of their sauces ; then he inveighed against the in- famous practices of French publicans, attributing such im- position to their oppressive government, which kept them so necessitous, that they were tempted to exercise all manner of knavery upon their unwary guests. Joker, who could not find in his heart to let slip any op- portunity of speaking in favour of the French, told him, ' that he was a very great stranger to their police, else he Would know, that if, upon information to the magistrate, it should appear, that any traveller, native or foreigner, had been imposed upon or ill-treated by a publican, the offender would be immediately obliged to shut up his house ; and, if his behaviour had been notorious, he himself would be sent to the galleys, without the least hesitation : and, as for the dish which has been made the occasion of your present disor- der," said he, ' I will take upon me to affirm it was prepared of a genuine rabbit, which was skinned in my presence ; and, in confirmation of what I assert, though such fricassees are not the favourites of my taste, I will eat a part of this with- out scruple.'' So saying, he swallowed several mouthfuls of the questioned coney, and Pallet seemed to eye it again with inclination ; nay, he even resumed his knife and fork, and, being just on the point of applying them, was seized with another qualm of apprehension, that broke out in an excla- mation of, ' after all, Mr Jolter, if it should be a real ram- cat — Lord have mercy upon me ! here is one of the claws.' With these words he presented the tip of a toe, of which Pipes had snipped off five or six from a duck that was roast- ed, and purposely scattered them in the fricassee ; and the governor could not behold this testimonial without symptoms of uneasiness and remorse ; so that he and the painter sat silenced and abashed, and made faces at each other ; while the physician, who hated them both, exulted over their af- fliction, bidding them be of good cheer, and proceed with their 288 THE ADVENTURES OJt meal ; for he was ready to demonstrate, that the flesh of a cat was as nourishing and delicious as veal or mutton, pro- vided they could prove that the said cat was not of the boar- kind, and had fed chiefly on vegetable diet, or even confined its carnivorous appetite to rats and mice, which he affirmed to be dainties of exquisite taste and flavour. He said, it was a vulgar mistake to think that all flesh-devouring creatures were unfit to be eaten ; witness the consumption of swine and ducks, animals that delight in carnage, as well as fish, which prey upon each other, and feed on bait and carrion ; together with the demand for bear, of which the best hams in the world are made. He then observed, that the negroes on the coast of Guinea, who are healthy and vigorous people, prefer cats and dogs to all other fare ; and mentioned from history several sieges, during which the inhabitants, who were blocked up, lived upon these animals, and had recourse even to human flesh, which, to his certain knowledge, was in all respects preferable to pork ; for, in the course of his studies, he had, for the experiment's sake, eaten a steak cut from the buttock of a person who had been hanged. This dissertation, far from composing, increased the dis- quiet in the stomachs of the governor and painter, who, hear- ing the last illustration, turned their eyes upon the orator, at the same instant, with looks of horror and disgust ; and, the one muttering the term cannibal, and the other pronoun- cing the word abom'matio7i, they rose from table in a great hurry, and, running towards another apartment, jostled with such violence in the passage, that both were overturned by the shock, which also contributed to the effect of their nausea, that mutually defiled them as they lay. CHAPTER XLIX. Nor is the physician sacred from his ridicule — thet/ reach Arras, where our adventurer engages in play xvith two French oficers, who next morning give the landlord an interesting proof' of their importance. 1 HE doctor remained sullen and dejected during the whole journey— not but that he attempted to recover his import- tEIlEGRi:NE PICKLE. S89 trace, by haranguing upon the Roman highways, when Mr Jolter desired the company to take notice of the fine pave- ment upon which they travelled from Paris into Flanders ; but Pallet, who thought he had now gained the ascendancy over the physician, exerted himself in maintaining the supe- riority he had acquired, by venting various sarcasms Upon his self-conceit and affectation of learning, and even utter- ing puns, and conundrums upon the remarks which the re- publican retailed. When he talked of the Flaminian way, the painter questioned if it was a better pavement than the Fleminian way on which they travelled : and the doctor ha- ving observed, that this road was made for the convenience of drawing the French artillery into Flanders, which was often the seat of war, his competitor in wit replied, with in- finite vivacity, ' there are more great guns than the French king knows of, drawn along this causeway, doctor !' Encouraged by the success of these efforts, which tickled the imagination of Jolter, and drew smiles (as he imagined) of approbation from our hero, he sported in many other equivoques of the same nature; and at dinner told the phy- sician, that he was like the root of the tongue, as being cursedly down in the mouth. By this time, such was the animosity subsisting between these quondam friends, that they never conversed together, except with a view of exposing each other to the ridicule or contempt of their fellow travellers. The doctor was at great pains to point out the folly and ignorance of Pallet in pri- vate to Peregrine, who was often conjured in the same man- ner by the painter to take notice of the physician's want of manners and taste. Pickle pretended to acquiesce in the truth of their mutual severity, which indeed was extremely just ; and, by malicious insinuations, blew up their contention, with a view of bringing it to open hostility. But both seem- ed so averse to deeds of mortal purpose, that for a long time his arts were baffled, and he could not spirit them up to any pitch of resentment higher than scurrilous repartee. Before they reached Arras, the city gates were shut, so that they were obliged to take up their lodging at an indiffer- Vol IL T 200 THE ADVENTURES OF ent house in the suburbs, where they found a couple of French officers, who had also rode post from Paris, so far on their way to Lisle. These gentlemen were about the age of thirty, and their deportment distinguished by sucli an air of inso- lence, as disgusted our hero, who, nevertheless, accosted them politely in the yard, and proposed that they should sup toge- ther. They thanked him for the honour of his invitation, which, however, they declined, upon pretence of having ordered something for themselves, but promised to wait upon him and his company immediately after their repast. This they accordingly performed ; and, after having drank a few glasses of Burgundy, one of them asked if the young gentleman would, for pastime, take a hand at quadrille. Pere- grine easily divined the meaning of this proposal, which was made with no other view than that of fleecing him and his fellow travellers ; for he well knew to what shifts a subaltern in the French service is reduced, in order to maintain the appearance of a gentleman, and had reason to believe that most of them were sharpers from their youth; but as he depended a good deal upon his own penetration and address, he gratified the stranger's desire, and a party was instantly formed of the painter, the physician, the proposer, and him- self, the other officer having professed himself utterly igno- rant of the game ; yet, in the course of the play, he took his station at the back of Pickle's chair, which was opposite to his friend, on pretence of amusing himself with seeing his manner of conducting the cards. The youth was not such a novice but that he perceived the design of this palpable piece of behaviour, which notwithstanding he overlooked for the present, with a view of flattering their hopes in the beginning, that they might be the more effectually punished by their disappointment in the end. The game was scarce begun, when, by the reflection of a glass, he discerned the officer at his back making signs to his companion, who, by these preconcerted gestures, was per- fectly informed of the contents of Peregrine's hand, and of consequence fortunate in the course of the play. Thus they were allowed to enjoy the fruits of their dexte- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 291 Fity until their money amounted to some louis, when our young gentleman thinking it high time to do himself justice, signified, in very polite terms, to the gentleman who stood behind him, that he could never play with ease and delibe- ration when he was overlooked by any bystander, and begged that he would have the goodness to be seated. As this was a remonstrance wliich the stranger could not with any show of breeding resist, he asked pardon, and re- tired to the chair of the physician, who frankly told him, that it was not the fashion of his country for one to submit his hand to the perusal of a spectator ; and when, in con- sequence of this rebuff, he wanted to quarter himself upon the painter, he was refused by a wave of the hand, and shake of the head, with an exclamation of pardcnmez moi! which was repeated with such emphasis, as discomposed his effrontery, and he found himself obliged to sit down in a state of mortification. The odds being thus removed, fortune proceeded in her usual channel ; and though the Frenchman, deprived of his ally, endeavoured to practise divers strokes of finesse, the rest of the company observed him with such vigilance and cau- tion, as baffled all his attempts, and in a very little time he was compelled to part with his winning : but having engaged in the match with an intention of taking all advantages, whether fair or unfair, that his superior skill should give him over the Englishmen, the money was not refunded without a thousand disputes, in the course of which he essayed to in- timidate his antagonist with high words, which were retorted by our hero with such interest, as convinced him that he had mistaken his man, and persuaded him to make his retreat in quiet. Indeed it was not without cause that they repined at the bad success of their enterprise ; because, in all likeli- hood, they had nothing to depend upon for the present but their own industry, and knew not how to defray their ex- penses on the road, except by some acquisition of this kind. Next morning they rose at day-break, and, resolving to anticipate their fellow-lodgers, bespoke post horses as soon as they could be admitted into the city ; so that, when our S92 THE ADVENTURES 0? company aj^peared, their beasts were ready in the yard ; and they only waited to discuss the bill, which they had ordered to be made out. The landlord of the inn presented his carte with fear and trembling to one of those ferocious ca- valiers, who no sooner cast his eye on the sum total, than lie discharged a volley of dreadful oaths, and asked if the King's officers were to be treated in that manner ? The poor publican protested, with great humility, that he had the ut- most respect for his majesty, and every thing that belonged to him ; and that, far from consulting his own interest, all that he desired was to be barely indemnified for the expense of their lodging. This condescension seemed to have no other effect than that of encouraging their arrogance. They swore his extor- tion should be explained to the commandant of the town, who would, by making him a public example, teach other innkeepers how to behave towards men of honour; and threatened with such confidence of indignation, that the wretched landlord, dreading the consequence of their wrath, implored pardon in the most abject manner, begging with many supplications, that he might have the pleasure of lodging them at his own charge. This was a favour which he with great difficulty obtained ; they chid him severely for his imposition, exhorted him to have more regard for his own conscience, as well as for the convenience of his guests ; and, cautioning him in particular touching his behaviour to the gentlemen of the army, mounted their horses, and rode off in great state, leaving him very thankful for having so successfully appeased the choler of two officers, who wanted cither inclination or ability to pay their bill ; for experience liad taught him to be apprehensive of all such travellers, who commonly lay the landlord under contribution, by way of atonement for the extravagance of his demands, even after he has professed his willingness to entertain them on their own terms. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 293 CHAPTER L. Perergine moralizes tipon their behaviour, which is con- demned hy the doctor , and defended hy the governor — they arrive in safety at Lisle, dvie at an ordinary, visit the citadel — the physician quarrels xvith a North Briton, who is put in arrest. J. HESE honourable adventurers being gone, Peregrine, who was present during the transaction, informed himself of the particulars from the mouth of the innkeeper himself, who took God and the saints to witness, that he should have been a loser by their custom, even if the bill had been paid ; be- cause he was on his guard against their objections, and had charged every article at an under price ; but such was the authority of officers in France, that he durst not dispute the least circumstance of their will ; for, had the case come un- der the cognizance of the magistrate, he must in course have suffered by the maxims of their government, which never fail to abet the oppression of the army ; and besides run the risk of incurring their future resentment, which would be sufficient to ruin him from top to bottom. Our hero boiled with indignation at this instance of in- justice and arbitrary power ; and, turning to his governor, asked if this too was a proof of the happiness enjoyed by the French people ? Jolter replied, that every human con- stitution must in some things be imperfect ; and owned, that in this kingdom gentlemen were more countenanced than the vulgar, because it was to be presumed that their own senti- ments of honour and superior qualifications would entitle them to this pre-eminence, which had also a retrospective yiew to the merit of their ancestors, in consideration of which they were at first ennobled: but he affirmed, that the inn- keeper had misrepresented the magistracy, which in France never failed to punish flagrant outrages and abuse, without respect of persons. The painter approved of the wisdom of the French go- vernment, in bridling the insolence of the mob, by which, he assured them, he had often suffered in his own person ; 5294 THE ADVENTURES OP having been often bespattered by hackney-coachmen, jostled by draymen and porters, and reviled in the most oppro- brious terms by the watermen of London, where he had once lost his bag and a considerable quantity of hair, which had been cut off by some rascal in his passage through Ludgate, during the lord mayor's procession. On the other hand, the doctor, with great warmth, alleged, that those officers ought to suffer death, or banishment at least, for having plundered the people in this manner, which was so impudent and bare-faced, as plainly to prove they were cer- tain of escaping with impunity, and that they were old offenders in the same degree of delinquency. He said, that the greatest man in Athens would have been condemned to perpetual exile, and seen his estate confiscated for public use, had he dared in such a licentious manner to violate the rights of a fellow-citizen ; and as for the little affronts to which a man may be subject from the petulance of the multitude, he looked upon them as glorious indications of liberty, which ought not to be repressed, and would at any time re- joice to find himself overthrown in a kennel by the insolence of a son of freedom, even though the fall should cost him a limb ; adding, by way of illustration, that the greatest plea- sure he ever enjoyed was in seeing a dustman wilfully over- turn a gentleman's coach, in which two ladies were bruised, even to the danger of their lives. Pallet, shocked at the ex- travagance of this declaration—' If that be the case,' said he, ' I wish you may see every bone in your body broke by the first carman you meet in the streets of London.' This argument being discussed, and the reckoning dis- charged without any deduction, although the landlord, in stating the articles, had an eye to the loss he had sustained by his own countrymen, they departed from Arras, and ar- rived in safety at Lisle, about two o'clock in the afternoon. They had scarce taken possession of their lodgings, in a large hotel in the Grande Place, when the innkeeper gave them to understand, that he kept an ordinary below, which was frequented by several English gentlemen who resided in town, and that dinner was then upon the table. Peregrine, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 295 who seized all opportunities of observing new characters, persuaded his company to dine in public; and they were accordingly conducted to the place, where they found a mix- ture of Scotch and Dutch officers, who had come from Hol- land to learn their exercises at the academy, and some gen- tlemen in the French service, who were upon garrison duty in the citadel. Among these last was a person about the age of fifty, of a remarkably genteel air and polite address, dignified with a Maltese cross, and distinguished by the par- ticular veneration of all those who knew him. When he un- derstood that Pickle and his friends were travellers, he ac- costed the youth in English, which he spoke tolerably well j and, as they were strangers, offered to attend them in the afternoon to all the places worth seeing in Lisle. Our hero thanked him for his excess of politeness, which (he said) was peculiar to the French nation ; and, struck with his engaging appearance, industriously courted his conversation, in the course of which he learned that this chevalier was a man of good sense and great experience, that he was perfectly well acquainted with the greatest part of Europe, had lived some years in England, and was no stranger to the constitution and genius of that people. Having dined, and drank to the healths of the English and French kings, two fiacres were called, in one of which the knight, with one of his companions, the governor, and Peregrine, seated themselves, the other being occupied by the physician. Pallet, and two Scottish officers, who proposed to accompany them in their circuit. The first place they vi- sited was the citadel, round the ramparts of which they walked, under the conduct of the knight, who explained with great accuracy the intention of every particular fortifica- tion belonging to that seemingly impregnable fortress ; and, when they had satisfied their curiosity, took coach again, in order to view the arsenal, which stands in another quarter of the town ; but, just as Pickle's carriage had crossed the pro- menade, he heard his own name bawled aloud by the painter ; and ordering the fiacre to stop, saw Pallet with one half of his body thrust out at the window of the other coach, cry- S96 THE ADVENTtJllES OT ing with a terrified look, ' Mr Pickle ! Mr Pickle ! for the love of God halt, and prevent bloodshed, else here will be carnage and cutting of throats.' Peregrine surprised at this exclamation, immediately alighted, and, advancing to the other vehicle, found one of their military companions stand- ing upon the ground, at the further side of the coach, with his sword drawn, and fury in his countenance; and the physician, with a quivering lip and haggard aspect, strug- gling with the other, who had interposed in the quarrel, and detained him in his place. Our young gentleman, upon inquiry, found that this ani- mosity had sprung from a dispute that happened upon the ramparts, touching the strength of the fortification, which the doctor, according to custom, undervalued, because it was a modern work ; saying, that, by the help of the mili- tary engines used among the ancients, and a few thousands of pioneers, he would engage to take it in less than ten days after he should sit down before it. The North Briton, who was as great a pedant as the physician, having studied for- tification, and made himself master of Caesar's Commentaries and Polybius, with the observations of Folard, affirmed, that all the methods of besieging practised by the ancients would be utterly ineffectual against such a plan as that of the cita- del of Lisle; and began to compare the vinece aggeres^ arietes, scorpiones, and catapultce, of the Romans, with the trenches, mines, batteries, and mortars, used in the pre- sent art of war. The republican, finding himself attacked upon what he thought his strong side, summoned all his learning to his aid ; and, describing the famous siege of Plata?a, happened to misquote a passage of Thucydides, in which he was corrected by the other, who, having been edu- cated for the church, was also a connoisseur in the Greek language. The doctor, incensed at being detected in such a blunder, in presence of Pallet, who (he knew) would promul- gate his shame, told the officer, with great arrogance, that his objection was frivolous, and that he must not pretend to dispute on these matters with one who had considered them with the utmost accuracy and care. His antagonist, piqued PEEEGRINE PICKLE. S97 at this supercilious insinuation, replied with great heat, that, for aught he knew, the doctor might be a very expert apothecary, but that, in the art of war, and knowledge in the Greek tongue, he was no other tlian an ignorant pretender. This asseveration produced an answer full of virulence, in- cluding a national reflection upon the soldier's country ; and the contention rose to mutual abuse, when it was suppressed by the admonitions of the other two, who begged they would not expose themselves in a strange place, but behave them- selves like fellow-subjects and friends. They accordingly ceased reviling each other, and the affair was seemingly for- got ; but after they had resumed their places in the coach, the painter unfortunately asked the meaning of the word tortoise, which he had heard them mention among the Ro- man implements of war. This question was answered by the physician, who described the nature of this expedient so little to the satisfaction of the officer, that he contradicted him flatly, in the midst of his explanation ; a circumstance which provoked the republican to such a degree, that, in the temerity of his passion, he uttered the epithet impertinent scoundrel; which was no sooner pronounced than the Cale- donian made manual application to his nose, and., leaping out of the coach, stood waiting for him on the plain ; while he (the physician) made feeble efforts to join him, being easily retained by the other soldier; and Pallet dreading the consequences in which he himself might be involved, bellowed aloud for prevention. Our hero endeavoured to quiet the commotion, by repre- senting to the Scot, that he had already taken satisfaction for the injury he had received, and telling the doctor that he had deserved the chastisement which was inflicted upon him : but the officer (encouraged perhaps by the confusion of his antagonist) insisted upon his asking pardon for what he had said ; and the doctor believing himself under the protection of his friend Pickle, far from agreeing to such concession, breathed nothing but defiance an4 revenge ; so that the che- valier, in order to prevent mischief, put the soldier under arrest, and sent him to his lodgings, under the care of the 298 THE ADVENTURES OF Other French gentleman and his own companion ; they being also accompanied by Mr Jolter, who, having formerly seen all the curiosities of Lisle, willingly surrendered his place to the physician. CHAPTER LI. Pickle engages with a hnight of Malta in a conversation upon the English stage^ which is followed by a disserta- tion on the theatres qf the ancients^ by the doctor. 1 HE rest of the company proceeded to the arsenal, which having viewed, together with some remarkable churches, they, in their return, went to the comedy, and saw the Cid of Corneille tolerably well represented. In consequence of this entertainment, the discourse at supper turned upon dra- matic performances ; and all the objections of Mons. de Scu- dery to the piece they had seen acted, together with the de- cision of the French academy, were canvassed and discussed. The knight was a man of letters and taste, and particularly well acquainted with the state of the English stage ; so that when the painter boldly pronounced sentence against the French manner of acting, on the strength of having fre- quented a Covent Garden club of critics, and been often ad- mitted, by virtue of an order, into the pit, a comparison immediately ensued, not between the authors, but the actors of both nations, to whom the chevalier and Peregrine were no strangers. Our hero, like a good Englishman, made no scruple of giving the preference to tlie performers of his own country, who, he alleged, obeyed the genuine impulses of nature, in exhibiting the passions of the human mind ; and entered so warmly into the spirit of their several parts, that they often fancied themselves the very heroes they represent- ed ; wliereas, the action of the Parisian players, even in their most interesting characters, were generally such an extrava- gance in voice and gesture, as is nowhere to be observed but on the stage. To illustrate this assertion, he availed himself of his talent, and mimicked the manner and voice of all the PEREGRINE PICKLE. 299 principal performers, male and female, belonging to the French comedy, to the admiration of the chevaliei*, who, having com- plimented him upon this surprising modulation, begged leave to dissent in some particulars from the opinion he had avow- ed. ' That you have good actors in England,' said he, * it would be unjust and absurd in me to deny ; your theatre is adorned by one woman, whose sensibility and sweetness of voice is such as I have never observed on any other stage ; she has, besides, an elegance of person, and expression of features, that wonderfully adapt her for the most engaging characters of your best plays ; and I must freely own that I have been as highly delighted and as deeply affected by a Monimia and Belvidere at London, as ever I was by a Cor- nelia and Cleopatra at Paris. Your favourite actor is a sur- prising genius. You can, moreover, boast of several comic actors, who are perfect masters of buffoonery and grimace ; though, to be free with you, I think, in these quahfi cations, you are excelled by the players of Amsterdam. Yet one of your gratioso's I cannot admire, in all the characters he as- sumes. His utterance is a continual sing-song, like the chant- ing of vespers, and his action resembles that of heaving bal- last into the hold of a ship. In his outward deportment he seems to have confounded the ideas of dignity and insolence of mien ; acts the crafty, cool, designing Crookback, as a loud, shallow, blustering Hector ; in the character of the mild patriot Brutus, he loses all temper and decorum ; nay, so ridiculous is the behaviour of him and Cassius at their in- terview, that, setting foot to foot, and grinning at each other, with the aspect of two cobblers enraged, they thrust their left sides together with repeated shocks, that the hilts of their swords may clash for the entertainment of the audience, as if they were a couple of merry-andrews, endeavouring to raise the laugh of the vulgar, on some scaffold at Bartholomew fair. The despair of a great man, who falls a sacrifice to the infernal practices of a subtle traitor, that enjoyed his confi- dence, this English ^sopus represents, by beating his own forehead, and bellowing like a bull ; and indeed, in almost all his most interesting scenes, performs such strange shak- 300 THE ADVENTURES OP ings of the head, and other antic gesticulations, that, when I first saw him act, I imagined the poor man laboured under that paralytical disorder, which is known by the name of S^ Vitus"'s dance. In short, he seems to be a stranger to the more refined sensations of the soul, consequently his expres- sion is of the vulgar kind, and he must often sink under the idea of the poet ; so that he has recourse to such violence of affected agitation, as imposes upon the undiscerning spec- tator, but to the eye of taste, evinces him a mere player of that class whom your admired Shakespeare justly compares to nature*'s journeyman tearing a passion to rags. Yet this man, in spite of all these absurdities, is an admirable Fal staff, exhibits the character of the eighth Henry to the life, is reasonably applauded in the Plain Dealer, excels in the part of Sir John Brute, and would be equal to many humorous situations in low comedy, which his pride will not allow him to undertake. I should not have been so severe upon this actor, had I not seen him extolled by his partisans with the most ridiculous and fulsome manifestations of praise, even in those very circumstances wherein (as I have observed) he chiefly failed."' Pickle, not a little piqued to hear the qualifications of such a celebrated actor in England treated with such freedom and disrespect, answered with some asperity, that the chevalier was a true critic, more industrious in observing the blemishes, than in acknowledging the excellence of those who fell under his examination. It was not to be supposed that one actor could shine equal- ly in all characters ; and though his observations were un- doubtedly very judicious, he himself could not help wonder- ing that some of them had always escaped his notice, though he had been an assiduous frequenter of the playhouse. ' The player in question,' said he, ' has, in your own opinion, con- siderable share of merit in the characters of comic life ; and as to the manners of the great personages in tragedy, and the operation of the grand passions of the soul, I apprehend they may be variously represented, according to the various complexion and cultivation of different men. A Spaniard, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 801 for example, though impelled by the same passion, will ex- press it very differently from a Frenchman ; and what is look- ed upon as graceful vivacity and address by the one, would be considered as impertinence and foppery by the other: nay, so opposite is your common deportment from that of some other nations, that one of your own countrymen, in the relation of his travels, observes, that the Persians, even of this age, when they see any man perform unnecessary gestures, say he is either a fool or a Frenchman. The standard of de- meanour being thus unsettled, a Turk, a Moor, an Indian, or inhabitant of any country, whose customs and dress are widely different from ours, may, in his sentiments, possess all the dignity of the human heart, and be inspired by the noblest passion that animates the soul, and yet excite the laughter rather than the respect of an European spectator. * When I first beheld your famous Parisian stage-heroine in one of her principal parts, her attitudes seemed so violent, and she tossed her arms around with such extravagance, that she put me in mind of a wind-mill under the agitation of a hard gale ; while her voice and features exhibited the lively representation of an English scold. The action of your fa- vourite male performer was, in my opinion, equally unnatu- ral ; he appeared with the affected airs of a dancing-master ; at the most pathetic junctures of his fate, he lifted up his hands above his head, like a tumbler going to vault, and spoke as if his throat had been obstructed by an hair-brush ; yet, when I compared their manners with those of the people before whom they performed, and made allowance for that exaggeration which obtains on all theatres, I was insensibly reconciled to their method of performance, and I could dis- tinguish abundance of merit beneath that oddity of appear- ance.' The chevalier, perceiving Peregrine a little irritated at what he had said, asked pardon for the luerty he had taken in censuring the English players, assuring him that he had an infinite veneration for the British learning, genius, and taste, which were so justly distinguished in the world of let- ters -, and that, notwithstanding the severity of his criticism, 302 THE ADVENTURES OF he thought the theatre of London much better supplied with actors than that of Paris. The young gentleman thanked him for his polite condescension, at which Pallet exulted, saying, with a shake of the head, ' I believe so too, Monsieur ;' and the physician, impatient of the dispute in which he had bore no share, observed, with a supercilious air, that the modern stage was altogether beneath the notice of one who had an idea of ancient magnificence and execution ; that plays ought to be exhibited at the expense of the state, as those of Sophocles were by the Athenians ; and that proper judges should be appointed for receiving or rejecting all such performances as are offered to the public. He then described the theatre at Rome, which contained eighty thousand spectators, gave them a learned disquisition into the nature of the persona, or mask, worn by the Roman actors, which (he said) was a machine that covered the whole head, furnished on the inside with a brazen concavity, that by reverberating the sound, as it issued from the mouth, raised the voice, so as to render it audible to such an extended au- dience. He explained the difference between the saltator and dedamator, one of whom acted, while the other rehearsed the part ; and from thence took occasion to mention the perfec- tions of their pantomimes, who were so amazingly distinct in the exercise of their art, that a certain prince of Pontus, being at the court of Nero, and seeing one of them represent a story, begged him of the emperor, in order to employ him as an interpreter among barbarous nations, whose language he did not understand. Nay, divers cynic philosophers, who had condemned this entertainment unseen, when they chan- ced to be eye-witnesses of their admirable dexterity, expressed their sorrow for having so long debarred themselves of such rational enjoyment. He dissented, however, from the opinion of Peregrine, who as a proof of their excellence, had advanced, that some of the English actors fancied themselves the very thing they repre- sented, and recounted a story from Lucian, of a certain cele- brated pantomime, who, in acting the part of Ajax in his frenzy, was transported into a real fit of delirium, during PEREGRINE PICKLE. 303 which he tore to pieces the clothes of that actor who stalked before him, beating the stage with iron shoes, in order to in- crease the noise, snatched an instrument from one of the mu- sicians, and broke it over the head of him who represented Ulysses; and, running to the consular bench, mistook a couple of senators for the sheep which were to be slain. The audience applauded him to the skies ; but so conscious was the mimic of his own extravagance, when he recovered the use of his reason, that he actually fell sick with mortifi- cation ; and, being afterwards desired to re-act the piece, flatly refused to appear in any such character, saying, that the shortest follies were the best, and that it was sufficient for him to have been a madman once in his life. CHAPTER LII. An adventure happens to Pipes^ in consequeiice of which he is dismissed from Peregrine'' s service — the whole company set out for Ghent in the diligence — our hero is captivated by a lady in that carriage — interests her spiritual direC' tor in his behalf. ± HE doctor being fairly engaged on the subject of the an- cients, would have proceeded the Lord knows how far, with- out hesitation, had not he been interrupted by the arrival of Mr Jolter, who, in great confusion, told them, that Pipes, having affronted a soldier, was then surrounded in the street, and would certainly be put to death, if some person of au- thority did not immediately interpose in his behalf. Peregrine no sooner learned the danger of his trusty 'squire, than, snatching up his sword, he ran down stairs, and was followed by the chevalier, entreating him to leave the affair to his management. Within ten yards of the door they found Tom with his back to a wall, defending himself man- fully with a mopstick against the assault of three or four soldiers, who, at sight of the Maltese cross, desisted from the attack, and were taken into custody by order of the knight. One of the aggressors, being an Irishman, begged to be heard vith great importunity, before he should be sent to the 304 THE ADVENTURES OP guard ; and, by the mediation of Pickle, was accordingly brought into tlie hotel, with his companions, all three bearing upon their heads and faces, evident marks of their adversary's prowess and dexterity. The spokesman being confronted with Pipes, informed the company, that, having by accident met with Mr Pipes, whom he considered as his country- man, though fortune had disposed of them in different ser- vices, he invited him to drink a glass of wine, and accord- ingly carried him to a cabaret, where he introduced him to his comrades ; but, in the course of the conversation, which turned upon the power and greatness of the kings of France and England, INIr Pipes had been pleased to treat his most christian majesty with great disrespect ; and when he (the entertainer) expostulated with him in a friendly manner about his impolite behaviour, observing, that he being in the French service, would be under the necessity of resenting his abuse, if he did not put a stop to it before the other gentlemen of the cloth should comprehend his meaning, he had set them all three at defiance, dishonoured him in particular with the opprobrious epithet of rebel to his native king and country^ and even drank (in broken French) to the perdition of Louis and all his adherents ! that, compelled by this outrageous conduct, he, as the person who had recommended him to their society, had, in vindication of his own character, de- manded satisfaction of the delinquent, who, on pretence of fetching a sword, had gone to his lodging, from whence he all of a sudden sallied upon them with the mopstick, which he employed in the annoyance of them all without distinc- tion, so that they were obliged to draw in their own defence. Pipes, being questioned by his master with regard to the tiuth of this account, owned that every circumstance was justly represented ; saying, he did not value their cheese- toasters a pinch of x)akum ; and that, if the gentleman had not shot in betwixt them, he would have trimmed them to such a tune, that they should not have had a whole yard to square. Peregrine reprimanded him sharply for his un- mannerly behaviour, and insisted upon his asking pardon ©f those he had injured upon the spot. But no considera- TEEEGRINE PICKLE. 305 tion was efficacious enough to produce such concession ; to this command he was both deaf and dumb, and tlie repeated threats of his master had no more effect than if they had been addressed to a marble statue. At length our hero, incensed at his obstinacy, started up, and would have chastised him with manual operation, had he not been prevented by the chevalier, who found means to moderate his indignation so far, that he contented himself with dismissing the offender from his service ; and after having obtained the discharge of the prisoners, gave them a louis to drink, by way of re- compence for the disgrace and damage they had sustained. The knight, perceiving our young gentleman very much ruffled at this accident, and reflecting upon the extraordi- nary deportment and appearance of his valet, whose hair had by this time adopted a grizzly hue, imagined he was some favourite domestic, who had grown grey in the service of his master's family, and that of consequence he was uneasy at the sacrifice he had made. Swayed by this conjecture, he earnestly solicited in his behalf; but all he could obtain was a promise of re-admitting him into favour on the terms al- ready proposed, or at least on condition that he should make his acknowledgment to the chevalier, for his want of reve- rence and respect for the French monarch. Upon this condescension, the culprit was called up stairs, and made acquainted with the mitigation of his fate ; upon which he said, he would down on his marrow bones to his own master, but would be damn'd before he would ask par- don of e'er a Frenchman in Christendom. Pickle exaspe- rated at this blunt declaration, ordered him out of his pre- sence, and charged him never to appear before his face again ; while the officer in vain employed all his influence and address to appease his resentment, and about midnight took his leave with marks of mortification at his want of success. Next day the company agreed to travel through Flanders in the diligence, by the advice of Peregrine, who was not without hope of meeting with some adventure or amusement in that carriage ; and Jolter took care to secure places for them all : it being resolved that the valet de charabre and Vol II. U THE ADVENTURES OP the doctor's man should attend the vehicle on horseback; and as for the forlorn Pipes, he was left to reap the fruits of his own stubborn disposition, notwithstanding the united efforts of the whole triumvirate, who endeavoured to procure his pardon. Every previous measure being thus taken, they set out from Lisle about six in the morning, and found themselves in the company of a female adventurer, a very handsome young lady, a capuchin, and a Rotterdam Jew. Our young gentleman, being the first of this society that entered, sur- veyed the strangers with an attentive eye, and seated him- self immediately behind the beautiful vmknown, who at once attracted his attention. Pallet, seeing another lady unen- gaged, in imitation of his friend, took possession of her neigh- bourhood ; the physician paired with the priest, and Jolter sat down by the Jew. The machine had not proceeded many furlongs, when Pickle, accosting the fair incognita, congratulated himself upon his happiness in being the fellow-traveller of so charm- ing a lady. She, without the least reserve or affectation, thanked hiipi for his compliment, and replied, with a spright- ly air, that now they were embarked in one common bot- tom, they must club their endeavours to make one another as happy as the nature of their situation would permit them to be. Encouraged by this frank intimation, and captiva- ted by her fine black eyes, and easy behaviour, he attached himself to her from that moment ; and, in a little time, the conversation became so particular, that the capuchin thought proper to interfere in the discourse, in such a manner as gave the youth to understand that he was there on purpose to su- perintend her conduct. He was doubly rejoiced at this dis- covery, in consequence of which he hoped to profit in his addresses, not only by the young lady's restraint, that never fails to operate in behalf of the lover, but also by the cor- ruptibility of her guardian, whom he did not doubt of render- ing propitious to his cause. Flushed with these expectations, he behaved with uncommon complacejjicy to the father, who was charmed with the affability of his carriage, and on the PEREGRINE PICKLE. 307 faith of his generosity, abated of his vigilance so much, that our hero carried on his suit without further molestation; while the painter, in signs and loud bursts of laughter, con- Tersed with his dulcinea, who was perfectly well versed in these simple expressions of satisfaction, and had already found means to make a dangerous invasion upon his heart. Nor were the governor and physician unemployed, while their friends interested themselves in this agreeable manner. Jolter no sooner perceived the Hollander was a Jew, than he entered into an investigation of the Hebrew tongue, in which he was a connoisseur ; and the doctor, at the same time attacked the mendicant on the ridiculous maxims of his or- der, together with the impositions of priest-craft in general, which (he observed) prevailed so much among those who profess the Roman catholic religion. Thus coupled, each committee enjoyed their own conver- sation apart, without any danger of encroachment ; and all were so intent upon their several topics, that they scarce al- lowed themselves a small interval in viewing the desolation of Menin, as they passed through that ruined frontier. About twelve o''clock they arrived at Courtray, where the horses are always changed, and the company halt an hour for refresh- ment. Here Peregrine handed his charmer into an apart- ment, where she was joined by the other lady ; and, on pre- tence of seeing some of the churches in town, put himself under the direction of the capuchin, from whom he learned that the young lady was wife to a French gentleman, to whom she had been married about a year, and that she was now on her journey to visit her mother, who lived in Brussels, and who at that time laboured under a lingering distemper, which, in all probability, would soon put a period to her life. He then launched out in praise of her daughter's virtue and con- jugal affection ; and lastly told him, that he was her father confessor, and pitched upon to be her conductor through Flanders, by her husband, who, as well as his wife, placed the utmost confidence in his prudence and integrity. Pickle easily comprehended the meaning of this insinua- tion, and took the hint accordingly. He tickled the priest's 308 THE ADVENTURES OF vanity, with extraordinary encomiums upon the disinterested principles of his order, which were detached from all worldly pursuits, and altogether devoted to the eternal salvation of mankind. He applauded their patience, humility, and learn- ing, and lavished a world of praise upon their talent in preach- ing, which (he said) had more than once operated so power- fully upon him, that, had he not been restrained by certain considerations which he could not possibly wave, he should have embraced their tenets, and begged admission into their fraternity ; but, as the circumstances of his fate would not permit him to take such a salutary measure for the present, he entreated the good father to accept a small token of his love and respect, for the benefit of that convent to which he belonged. So saying, he pulled out a purse of ten guineas, which the capuchin observing, turned his head another way, and, lifting up his arm, displayed a pocket almost as high as his collar bone, in which he deposited the money. This proof of affection for the order produced a sudden and surprising effect upon the friar. In the transport of his zeal he wrung this semi-convert's hand, showered a thousand benedictions upon his head, and exhorted him, with the tears flowing from his eyes, to perfect the great work which the finger of God had begun in his heart ; and, as an instance of his concern for the welfare of his precious soul, the holy brother promised to recommend him strenuously to the pious admonitions of the young woman under his care, who was a perfect saint upon earth, and endowed with the peculiar gift of mollifying the hearts of obdurate sinners. ' O father !' cried the hypocritical projector, who by this time perceived that his money was not thrown away, ' if I could be fa- voured but for one half hour with the private instruction of that inspired devotee, my mind presages, that I should be a strayed sliecp brought back into the fold, and that I should find easy entrance at the gates of heaven ! there is something supernatural in her aspect ; I gaze upon her with the most pious fervour, and my whole soul is agitated with tumults of hope and despair !' Having pronounced this rhapsody with transport, half natural and half affected, the priest as- IPEREGUINE PICKLE. 309 sared him, that these were operations of the spirit, whicli must not be repressed ; and comforted him with the hope of enjoying the blessed interview which he desired, protesting, that, as far as his influence extended, his wish should be that very evening indulged. The gracious pupil thanked him for his benevolent concern, which he swore should not be squan- dered upon an ungrateful object ; and the rest of the company interrupting the conversation, they returned in a body to the inn, where they dined all together, and the ladies were per- suaded to be our hero's guests. As the subjects on which they had been engaged before dinner were not exhausted, each brace resumed their former theme when they were replaced in the diligence. The paint- er's mistress finished her conquest, by exerting her skill in the art of ogling, accompanied by frequent bewitching sighs, and some tender French songs, that she sung with such pa- thetic expression, as quite melted the resolution of Pallet, and utterly subdued his affection : and he, to convince her of the importance of her victory, gave a specimen of his own talents, by entertaining her with that celebrated English ditty, the burthen of which begins with, The pigs they lie xmth their — -— bare. CHAPTER LIII. He makes some progress in her affections — is interrupted hy a dispute between Jotter and the Jew — appeases the wrath of' the capuchin, who procures Jbr him an interview with his fair enslaver, iii which he finds himself deceived. Peregrine meanwhile, employed all his insinuation and address in practising upon the heart of the capuchin's fair charge. He had long ago declared his passion, not in the superficial manner of a French gallant, but with all the ardour of an enthusiast. He had languished, vowed, flattered, kissed her hand by stealth, and had no reason to complain of his reception. Though, by a man of a less sanguine dispo- sition, her particular complaisance would have been deem- 310 THE ADVENTURES OF ed equivocal, and perhaps nothing more than the efTect of French breeding and constitutional vivacity, he gave his own qualifications credit for the whole, and with these sentiments carried on the attack with such unabating vigour, that she was actually prevailed upon to accept a ring, which he pre- sented as a token of his esteem ; and every thing proceeded in a most prosperous train, when they were disturbed by the governor and Israelite, who in the heat of disputation raised their voices, and poured forth such effusions of gutturals, as set our lover's teeth on edge. As they spoke in a language unknown to every one in the carriage but themselves, and looked at each other with mutual animosity and rancour. Peregrine desired to know the cause of their contention ; up- on which Jolter exclaimed in a furious tone, — ' This learned Levite, forsooth, has the impudence to tell me, that I don't understand Hebrew ; and affirms, that the word benoni sig- nifies dnld of joy ; whereas I can prove, and indeed have al- ready said enough to convince any reasonable man, that in the Septuagint it is rightly translated into aon of my sorrow^ Having thus explained himself to liis pupil, he turned to the priest, with intention to appeal to his determination ; but the Jew pulled him by the sleeve with great eagerness, saying, * For the love of God be quiet, the capuchin will discover who we are V Jolter, offended at this conjunction, echoed, ' Who we are !' with great emphasis ; and repeating nos po- son to think, that if he did not fall upon some method to deprecate her wrath, she would in a twinkling sacrifice all her esteem for him to her own zeal for the glory of the French nation. Moved by this ap- prehension, his ardour cooled by degrees, and he insensibly detached himself from the argument, leaving the whole care of supporting it on the Jew, who, finding himself deserted, was fain to yield at discretion ; so that the French remained masters of the field, and their young heroine resumed her good humour. Our hero having prudently submitted to the superior intel- ligence of his fair enslaver, began to be harassed with the fears of losing her for ever, and set his invention at work, to contrive some means for indemnifying himself for his assi- duities, presents, and the disappointments he had already un- dergone. On pretence of enjoying a free air, he mounted the box, and employed his elocution and generosity with such success, that the driver undertook to disable the diligence from proceeding beyond the town of Alost for that day ; and, in consequence of his promise, gently overturned it when they were but a mile short of that baiting place. He had taken his measures so discreetly, that this accident was attended with no other inconvenience than a fit of fear that took pos- session of the ladies, and the necessity to which they were reduced by the declaration of the coachman, who, upon ex- amining the carriage, assured the company that the axle- tree had given way, and advised them to walk forward to the inn, while he would jog after them at a slow pace, and do his endeavour the damage should be immediately repaired. Peregrine pretended to be very much concerned at what had happened, and even cursed the driver for his inadvertency, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 821 expressing infinite impatience to be at Brussels, and wishing that this misfortune might not detain them another night upon the road ; but when his understrapper, according to his instructions, came afterwards to the inn, and gave them to understand, that the workman he had employed could not possibly refit the machine in less than six hours, the crafty youth affected to lose all temper, stormed at his emissary, whom he reviled in the most opprobrious terms, and threat- ened to cane for his misconduct. The fellow protested with great humility, that their being overturned was owing to the failure of the axle tree, and not to his want of c.ire or dex- terity in driving ; though rather than be thought the cause of incommoding him, he would inquire for a postchaise, in which he might depart for Brussels immediately. This ex- pedient Pickle rejected, unless the whole company could be accommodated in the same manner; and he had been pre- viously informed by the driver, that the town could not furnish more than one vehicle of. that sort. His governor, who was quite ignorant of his scheme, represented that one night would soon be passed, and exhorted him to bear this small disappointment with a good grace, especially as the house seemed to be well provided for their entertainment, and the company so much disposed to be sociable. The capuchin, who had found his account in cultivating the acquaintance of the young stranger, was not ill pleased at this event, which might, by protracting the term of their intercourse, yield him some opportunity of profiting still further by his libe- rality : he therefore joined Mr Jolter in his admonitions, congratulating himself upon the prospect of enjoying his conversation a little longer than he had expected. Our young gentleman received a compliment to the same pur- pose from the Hebrew, who had that day exercised his gal- lantry upon the French coquette, and was not without hope of reaping the fruits of his attention, his rival, the painter, being quite disgraced and dejected by the adventure of last night. As for the doctor, he was too much engrossed in the contemplation of his own importance, to interest himself in the affair, or its consequences, further than by observing that Vol. II. X 322 «i'HE ADVENTUllES OF the European powers ought to establish public games, like those that were celebrated of old in Greece ; in which case every state would be supplied with such dexterous chariot- eers, as would drive a machine at full speed, within a hair's breadth of a precipice, without any danger of its being over- thrown. Peregrine could not help yielding to their remon- strances and united complacence, for which he thanked them in very polite terms, and his passion seeming to sub- side, proposed that they should amuse themselves in walk- ing round the ramparts. He hoped to enjoy some private conversation with his admired Fleming, who had this whole day behaved with remarkable reserve. The proposal being embraced, he (as usual) handed her into the street, and took all opportunities of promoting his suit ; but they were attended so closely by her father confessor, that he foresaw it would be impracticable to accomplish his aim, without the connivance of that ecclesiastic. This he was obUged to purchase with another purse, which he offered, and was ac- cepted, as a charitable atonement for his criminal behaviour during the interview which the friar had procured for the good of his soul. The benefaction was no sooner made, than the pious mendicant edged off' by little and little till he joined the rest of the company, leaving his generous patron at full liberty to prosecute his purpose. It is not to be doubted that our adventurer made a good use of this occa- sion : he pi-actised a thousand flowers of rhetoric, and actu- ally exhausted his whole address, in persuading her to have compassion upon his misery, and indulge him with another private audience, without which he should run distracted, and be guilty of extravagancies, which, in the humanity of her disposition, she would weep to see. But, instead of complying with his request, she chid him severely for his pre- sumption, in persecuting her with his vicious addresses. She assured him, that although she had secured a chamber for herself in this place, because she had no ambition to be better acquainted with the other lady, he would be in the wrong to disturb her with another nocturnal visit ; for she was de- termined to deny him admittance. The lover was comforted PEREGRIXE PICKLE- 823 by this hint, which he understood in the true acceptation, and his passion being inflamed by the obstacles he had met with, his heart beat high with the prospect of possession. These raptures of expectation produced an inquietude, which disabled him from bearing that share of the conversation for which he used to be distinguished. His behaviour at supper was a vicissitude of startings and reveries. The capuchin, imputing this disorder to a second repulse from his charge, began to be invaded with the apprehension of being obliged to refund, and, in a whisper, forbade our hero to despair. CHAPTER LVI. The French coquette eyitraps the heart of the Jew, against •whom Pallet enters inioa conspiracy ; hy "which Peregrine is again disappointed, and the Hebrew'' s incontinence exposed. iViEANWHiLE the French syren, baulked in her design upon her English cully, who was so easily disheartened, and hung his ears in manifest despondence, rather than run the risk of making a voyage that should be altogether unprofitable, re- solved to practise her charms upon the Dutch merchant. She had already made such innovations upon his heart, that he cultivated her with peculiar complacency, gazed upon her with a most libidinous stare, and unbended his aspect into a grin that was truly Israelitish. The painter saw, and was offended at this correspondence, which he considered as an insult upon his misfortune, as well as an evident preference of his rival ; and, conscious of his own timidity, swallowed an extraordinary glass, that his invention might be stimu- lated, and his resolution raised to the contrivance and exe- cution of some scheme of revenge. The wine, however, failed in the expected effect, and, without inspiring him with the plan, served only to quicken his desire of vengeance ; so that he communicated his purpose to his friend Peregrine, and begged his assistance ; but our young gentleman was too intent upon his own affair, to mind the concerns of any other person ; and he declining to be engaged in the project, Pallet 324 THE ADVENTURES OF had recourse to the genius of Pickle's valet de chambre, wlio readily embarked in the undertaking, and invented a plan, which was executed accordingly. The evening being pretty far advanced, and the company separated into their respective apartments, Pickle repaired, in all the impatience of youth and desire, to the chamber of his charmer, and finding the door unbolted, entered in a transport of joy. By the light of the moon, which shone through the window, he was conducted to her bed, which he approached in the utmost agitation, and perceiving her to all appearance asleep, essayed to wake her with a gentle kiss ; but this method proved ineffectual, because she was determined to save herself the confusion of being an accom- phce in his guilt. He repeated the application, murmured a most passionate salutation in her ear, and took such other gentle methods of signifying his presence, as persuaded him that she was resolved to sleep, in spite of all his endeavours : flushed with this agreeable supposition, he locked the door, in order to prevent interruption, and stealing himself under the clothes, set fortune at defiance, while he held the fair creature circled in his arms. Nevertheless, near as he seemed to be to the happy ac- complishment of his desire, his hope was again frustrated with a frightful noise, which in a moment awaked his Aman- da in a fright, and, for the present, engaged all his attention. His valet de chambre, whom Pallet had consulted as a con- federate in his revenge against the lady of pleasure and her Jewish gallant, had hired of certain Bohemians, who chan- ced to lodge at the inn, a jack-ass, adorned with bells, which, whsn every body was retired to rest, and the Hebrew sup- posed to be bedded with his mistress, they led up stairs into a long thoroughfare, from which the chambers were detach- ed on each side. The painter, perceiving the lady's door a-jar, according to his expectation, mounted this animal, with in- tention to ride into the room, and disturb the lovers in the midst of their mutual endearments ; but the ass, true to its kind, finding himself bestrid by an unknown rider, instead ol' advancing, in obedience to his conductor, retreated back- PEREGRINE PICKLE. S25 wards to the other end of the passage, in spite of all the ef- forts of the painter, who spurred, and kicked, and pommelled, to no purpose. It was the noise of this contention between Pallet and the ass which invaded the ears of Peregrine and his mistress, neither of whom could form the least rational conjecture about the cause of such strange disturbance, which increased as the animal approached the apartment. At length the bourrique's retrograde motion was obstructed by the door, which it forced open in a twinkling, with one kick, and entered with such complication of sound, as ter- rified the lady almost into a fit, and threw her lover into the utmost perplexity and confusion. The painter, finding him- self thus violently intruded into the bed-chamber of he knew not whom, and dreading the resentment of the possessor, who might discharge a pistol at him, as a robber who had broke into his apartment, was overwhelmed with consternation, and redoubled his exertion to accomplish a speedy retreat, sweat- ing all the time with fear, and putting up petitions to Heaven for his safety ; but his obstinate companion, regardless of his situation, instead of submitting to his conduct, began to turn round like a mill-stone, the united sound of his feet and bells producing a most surprising concert. The unfortunate rider whirling about in this manner, would have quitted his seat, and left the beast to his own amusement, but the rotation was so rapid, that the terror of a severe fall hindered him from attempting to dismount, and, in the desperation of his heart, he seized one of its ears, which he pinched so unmercifully, that the creature set up its throat, and brayed aloud. This hideous exclamation was no sooner heard by the fair Fleming, already chilled by panic, and prepared with super- stition, than, believing herself visited by the devil, who was permitted to punish her for her infidelity to the marriage- bed, she uttered a scream, and began to repeat her pater- noster with a loud voice. Her lover, finding himself under the necessity of retiring, started up, and stung with the most violent pangs of rage and disappointment, ran directly to the spot whence this diabolical noise seemed to proceed. There, encountering the ass, he discharged such a volley of blows 326 THE ADVENTURES OF at him and his rider, that the creature carried him off' at m round trot, and they roared in unison all the way. Having tlius cleared the room of such disagreeable company, he went back to his mistress, and assuring her that this was only somfe foolish prank of Pallet, took his leave, with a promise of re- turning after the quiet of the inn should be re-established. In the meantime, the noise of the bourrique, the cries of the painter, and the lady's screams, had alarmed the whole house ; and the ass, in the precipitation of his retreat, seeing people with lights before him, took shelter in the apartment for which he was at first designed, just as the Levite, arou- sed at the uproar, had quitted his dulcinea, and was attempt- ing to recover his own chamber unperceived. Seeing him- self opposed by such an animal, mounted by a tall, meagre, lanthorn-jaw'd figure, half naked, with a white nightcap upon his head, which added to the natural paleness of his complexion, the Jew was sorely troubled in mind, and be- lieving it to be an apparition of Balaam and his ass, fled backward with a nimble pace, and crept under the bed, where he lay concealed. Mr Jolter and the priest, who were the foremost of those who had been aroused by the noise, were not unmoved when they saw such a spectacle rushing into the chamber, from whence the lady of pleasure began to shriek. The governor made a full halt, and the capuchin discovered no inclination to proceed. They were, however, by the pressure of the crowd that followed them, thrust for- ward to the door, through which the vision entered ; and there Jolter with great ceremony complimented his reve- rence with the pass, beseeching him to walk in. The mendicant was too courteous and humble to accept this pre-eminence, and a very earnest dispute ensued ; during which the ass, in the course of his circuit, shewed himself and rider, and in a trice decided the contest ; for, struck with this second glimpse, both at one instant sprung backward with such force, as overturned the next men, who communicated the impulse to those that stood behind them, and these again to others ; so that the whole passage was strewed with a long file of people, that lay in a line, like the sequel and depcn- PEREGKINE PICKLE. 327 dence of a pack of cards. In the midst of this havoc, our hero returned from his own room with an air of astonishment, ask- ing the cause of this uproar. Receiving such hints of intelli- gence as Jokers consternation would permit him to give, he snatched the candle out of his hand, and advanced into the haunted chamber without hesitation, being followed by all present, who broke forth into a long and loud peal of laugh- ter, when they perceived the ludicrous source of their dis- quiet. The painter himself made an effort to join their mirth ; but he had been soJiarrowed by fear, and smarted so much with the pain of the discipline he had received from Pickle, that he could not, with all his endeavour, vanquish the rue- fulness of his countenance. His attempt served only to in- crease the awkwardness of his situation, which was not at all mended by the behaviour of the coquette, who, furious with her disappointment, slipped on a petticoat and bed-gown, and springing upon him, like another Hecuba, with her nails deprived all one side of his nose of the skin, and would not have left him an eye to see tLrough, if some of the company had not rescued him froiu her unmerciful talons. Provoked at this outrage, as well as by her behaviour to him in the di- ligence, he publicly explained his intention in entering her chamber in this equipage ; and, missing the Hebrew among the spectators, assured them that he must have absconded somewhere in the apartment. In pursuance of this intima- tion, the room was immediately searched, and the mortified Levite pulled by the heels from liis lurking-place ; so that Pallet had the good fortune at last to transfer the laugh from himself to his rival and the French inamorata, who accord- ingly underwent the ridicule of the whole audience. CHAPTER LVII. Pallet y endeavouring to unravel the mystery of the treatment he had received^ Jails out of the Jry'mg-pan into the fire. ^ EVERTHELESs, Pallet was still confounded and chagrined by one consideration, which was no other than that of his 32S THE ADVENTURES OF having been so roughly handled in the chamber belonging (as he found upon inquiry) to the handsome young lady who was under the capuchin's direction. He recollected that the door was fast locked when his beast burst it open ; and lie had no reason to believe that any person followed him in his irruption : on the other hand, he could not imagine, that such a gentle creature would either attempt to commit, or be able to execute, such a desperate assault as that which his body had sustained ; and her demeanour was so modest and circumspect, that he durst not harbour the least suspi- cion of her virtue. These reflections bewildered him inthe labyrinth of thought; he rummaged his whole imagination, endeavouring to account for what had happened. At length he concluded, that either Peregrine, or the devil, or both, must have been at the bot- tom of the whole affair, and determined, for the satisfaction of his curiosity, to watch our hero's motions, during the re- maining part of the night, so narrowly, that his conduct, mys- terious as it was, should not be able to elude his penetration. With these sentiments he retired to his own- room, after the ass had been restored to the right owners, and the priest had visited and confirmed his fair ward, who had been almost distracted with fear. Silence no sooner prevailed again, than he crawled darkling towards her door, and huddled himself up in an obscure corner, from whence he might observe the ingress or egress of any human creature. He had not long remained in this posture, when, fatigued with this adven- ture, and that of the preceding night, his faculties were gradu- ally overpowered with slumber ; and, fialling fast asleep, he began to snore like a whole congregation of presbyterians. The Flemish beauty, hearing this discordant noise in the pas- sage, began to be afraid of some new alarm, and very pru- dently bolted her door ; so that, when her lover wanted to re- peat his visit, he was not only surprised and incensed at this disagreeable serenade, the author of which he did not know ; but when compelled by his passion, which was by this time wound to the highest pitch, he ventured to ap- proach the entrance, he had the extreme mortification to PEREGRINE PICKLE. 329 find himself shut out. He durst not knock to signify his presence in any other manner, on account of the lady's re- putation, which would have greatly suffered, had the snorer been waked by his endeavours. Had he known that the person who thus thwarted his views was the painter, he would have taken some effectual step to remove him ; but he could not conceive what should induce Pallet to take up his residence in that corner ; nor could he use the assistance of a light to distinguish him, because there was not a candle burning in the house. It is impossible to describe the rage and vexation of our hero, while he continued thus tantalized upon the brink of bliss, after his desire had been exasperated by the circum- stances of his two former disappointments. He ejaculated a thousand execrations against his own fortune, cursed his fellow-travellers without exception, vowed revenge against the painter, who had twice confounded his most interesting scheme, and was tempted to execute immediate vengeance upon the unknown cause of his present miscarriage. In this agony of distraction did he sweat two whole hours in the passage, though not without some faint hopes of being deli- vered from his tormentor, who, he imagined, upon waking, would undoubtedly shift his quarters, and leave the field free to his designs ; but when he heard the cock repeat his salu- tation to the morn, which began to open on the rear of night, he could no longer restrain his indignation. Going to his own chamber, he filled a bason with cold water, and, standing at some distance, discharged it full in the face of the gaping snorer, who, over and above the surprise occa- sioned by the application, was almost suffocated by the liquor that entered his mouth, and ran down into his wind-pipe. While he gasped like a person half drowned, without know- ing the nature of his disaster, or remembering the situation in which he fell asleep, Peregrine retired to his own door, and to his no small astonishment, from a long howl that in- vaded his ears, learned that the patient was no other than Pallet, who had now for the third time baulked his good fortune. S30 THE ADVENTURES OF Enraged at the complicated trespasses of this unfortunate offender, he rushed from his apartment, with a horse-whip, and encountering the painter in his flight, overturned him in the passage. There he exercised the instrument of his wrath with great severity, on pretence of mistaking him for some presumptuous cur, which had disturbed the repose of the inn ; nay, when he called aloud for mercy in a suppli- cating tone, and his chastiser could no longer pretend to treat him as a quadruped, such was the virulence of the young gentleman's indignation, that he could not help declaring his satisfaction, by telling Pallet he had richly deserved the pu- nishment he had undergone for his madness, folly, and im- pertinence, in contriving and executing such idle schemes, as had no other tendency than that of plaguing his neighbours. Pallet protested with great vehemence, that he was inno- cent, as the child unborn, of an intention to give umbrage to any person whatever, except the Israelite and his doxy, who he knew had incurred his displeasure. ' But, as God is my saviour,"" said he, ' I believe I am persecuted with witch- craft, and begin to think that damned priest is an agent for the devil ; for he has been but two nights in our company, during which I have not closed an eye, but, on the con- trary, have been tormented by all the fiends of hell.' Pickle peevishly replied, that bis torments had been occasioned by his own foolish . imagination ; and asked him how he came to howl in that corner ; the painter, who did not think pro- per to own the truth, said, that he had been transported thither by some preternatural conveyance, and soused in wa- ter by an invisible hand. The youth, in hope of profiting by his absence, advised him to retire immediately to his bed, and by sleep strive to comfort his brain, which seemed to be not a little disordered by the want of that refreshment. Pallet himself began to be very much of the same way of thinking ; and, in compliance with such wholesome counsel, betook himself to rest, muttering prayers all the way for the reco- very of his own understanding. Pickle attended him to his chamber, and, locking him up, put the key in his own pocket, that he might not have it in PEREGRINE PICKLE. 831 his power to interrupt him again : but in his return he was met by Mr Jolter and the doctor, who had been a second time alarmed by the painter's cries, and come to inquire about this new adventure. Half frantic with such a series of dis- appointments, he cursed them in his heart for their unseason- able appearance. When they questioned him about Pallet, he told them he had found him stark staring mad, howling in a corner, and wet to the skin, and conducted him to his room, where he was now abed. The physician, hearing this circumstance, made a merit of his vanity ; and, under pretence of concern for the patient's welfare, desired he might have an opportunity of examining the symptoms of his disor- der, without loss of time ; alleging that many diseases might have been stifled in the birth, which afterwards baffled all the endeavours of the medical art. The young gentleman accordingly delivered the key, and once more withdrew into his own chamber, with a view of seizing the first occasion that should present itself of renewing his application to his Amanda's door ; while the doctor, in his way to Pallet's apart- ment, hinted to the governor his suspicion that the patient laboured under that dreadful symptom called the hydro- phobiaf which, he observed, had sometimes appeared in per- sons who were not previously bit by a mad dog. This con- jecture he founded upon the howl he uttered when he was soused with water, and began to recollect certain circum- stances of the painter's behaviour for some days past, which now he could plainly perceive had prognosticated dome such calamity. He then ascribed the distemper to the violent frights he had lately undergone ; affirmed that the affair of the Bastile had made such a violent encroachment upon his understanding, that his manner of thinking and speaking was entirely altered. By a theory of his own invention, he explained the effect of fear upon a loose system of nerves, and demonstrated the modus in which the animal spirits operate upon the ideas and power of imagination. This disquisition, which was communicated at the painter's door, might have lasted till breakfast, had not Jolter remind- ed him of his own maxim, Venienti occurrite morbo ; upon 532 THE ADVENTURES OP which he put the key to immediate use, and they walked softly towards the bed, where the patient lay extended at full length in the arms of sleep. The physician took notice of his breathing hard, and his mouth being open ; and from these diagnostics declared that the I'lqiiidum nervosum was in- timately affected, and the saliva impregnated with the spi- culatcd particles of the virus, howsoever contracted. This sentence was still farther confirmed by the state of his pulse, which being full and slow, indicated an oppressed circula- tion, from a loss of elasticity in the propelling arteries. He proposed that he should immediately suffer a second asper- sion of water, which would not only contribute to the cure, but also certify them beyond all possibility of doubt, with re- gard to the state of the disease ; for it would evidently appear, from the manner in which he would bear the application, whether or not his horror of water amounted to a confirmed hydrophobia. Mr Jolter, in compliance with this proposal, began to empty a bottle of water, which he found in the room, in a bason ; when he was interrupted by the prescriber, who advised him to use the contents of the chamber-pot, which, being impregnated with salt, would operate more ef- fectually than pure element. Thus directed, the governor lifted up the vessel, which was replete with medicine, and with one turn of his hand discharged the whole healing in- undation upon the ill-omeu'd patient, who, waking in the utmost distraction of horror, yelled most hideously, just at the time when Peregrine had brought his mistress to a par- ley, and entertained hopes of being admitted into her cham- ber. Terrified at this exclamation, she instantly broke off the treaty, beseeching him to retire from the door, that her ho- nour might receive no injury from his being found in that place : and he had just enough of recollection left to see the necessity of obeying the order ; in conformity to which he retreated, well nigh deprived of his senses, and almost per- suaded that so many unaccountable disappointments must have proceeded from some supernatural cause, of which the idiot Pallet was no more than the involuntary instrument. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 333 Meanwhile the doctor, having ascertained the malady of the patient, whose cries, interrupted by frequent sobs and sighs, he interpreted into the barking of a dog, and having no more salt water at hand, resolved to renew the bath with such materials as chance would afford. He actually laid hold of the bottle and bason ; but by this time the painter had recovered the uses of his senses so well, as to perceive his drift ; and, starting up like a frantic bedlamite, ran directly to his sword, swearing with many horrid imprecations, that he would murder them both immediately, if he should be hanged before dinner. They did not choose to wait the issue of his threat, but retired with such precipitation, that the physician had almost dislocated his shoulder, by running against one side of the entry. Jolter, having pulled the door after him, and turned the key, betook himself to flight, roaring aloud for assistance. His colleague, seeing the door secured, valued himself upon his resolution, and exhorted him to return; declaring, that for his own part, he was more afraid of the madman's teeth than of his weapon, and admonishing the governor to re-enter, and execute what they had left undone. ' Go in,' said he, ' without fear or appre- hension, and if any accident shall happen to you, either from his slaver or his sword, I will assist you with my advice, which from this station I can more coolly and distinctly ad- minister, than I should be able to supply, if my ideas were disturbed, or my attention engaged in any personal concern.' - Jolter, who could make no objection to the justness of the conclusion, frankly owned that he had no inclination to try the experiment ; observing that self-preservation was the first law of nature ; that his connections with the unhappy lunatic were but slight ; and that it could not be reasonably expect- ed that he would run such risks for his service, as were de- clined by one who had set out with him from England on the footing of a companion. This insinuation introduced a dispute upon the nature of benevolence, and the moral sense, which (the republican argued) existed independent of any private consideration, and could never be .affected by any contingent circumstance of time and fortune ; while the other, 334 THE ADVENTURES OF who abhorred his principles, asserted the duties and excellence of private friendsliip, with infinite rancour of altercation. During the hottest of the argument, they were joined by the capuchin, who, being astonished to see them thus viru- lently engaged at the door, and to hear the painter bellow- ing within the chamber, conjured them, in the name of God, to tell him the cause of that confusion, which had kept the whole l.'ouse in continual alarm during the best part of the night, and seemed to be the immediate work of the devil and his angels. When the governor gave him to understand, that Pallet was visited with an evil spirit, he muttered a prayer of S^ Antonio de Padua, and undertook to cure the painter, provided he could be secured so as that he might, without danger to himself, burn part of a certain relic under his nose, which he assured them was equal to the miraculous power of Eleazar's ring. They expressed great curiosity to know what this treasure was ; and the priest was prevailed upon to tell them, in confidence, that it was a collection of the parings of the nails belonging to those two madmen whom Jesus purged of the legion of devils that afterwards entered the swine. So saying, he pulled from one of his pockets a small box, containing about an ounce of the parings of an horse's hoof; at sight of which the governor could not help smiling, on account of the grossness of the imposition. The doctor asked, with a supercilious smile, whether those mani- acs, whom Jesus cured, were of the sorrel complexion or dapple grey ; for, from the texture of these parings, he could prove, that the original owners were of the quadruped order, and even distinguish that their feet had been fortified with shoes of iron. . The mendicant, who bore an inveterate grudge against this son of ^sculapius, ever since he had made so free with the catholic religion, repHed, with great bitterness, that he was a wretch, with whom no christian ought to communi- cate ; that the vengeance of Heaven would one day overtake him on account of his profanity ; and that his heart was shod with a metal much harder than iron, which nothing but hell-fire would be able to melt. TEREGRINE PICKLE. 835 It was now broad day, and all the servants of the inn were a-foot. Peregrine, seeing it would be impossible to obtain any sort of indemnification for the time he had lost, and the perturbation of his spirits hindering him from enjoying re- pose, which was, moreover, obstructed by the noise of Pallet and his attendants, put on his clothes at once, and, in exceed- ing ill humour, arrived at the spot where this triumvirate stood debating about the means of overpowering the furious painter, who still continued his song of oaths and execrations, and made sundry efforts to break open the door. Chagrined as our hero was, he could not help laughing when he heard how the patient had been treated ; and his indignation chang- ing into compassion, lie called to him through the key-hole, desiring to know the reason of his distracted behaviour. Pal- let no sooner recognised his voice, than lowering his own to a whimpering tone, — ' my dear friend,' said he, ' I have at last detected the ruffians who have persecuted me so much. I caught them in the fact of suffocating me with cold water ; and, by the Lord I will be revenged, or may I never live to finish my Cleopatra. For the love of God open the door, and I will make that conceited pagan, that pretender to taste, that false devotee of the ancients, who poisons people with sillykickabies and devil's dung ; I say, I will make him a monument of my wrath, and an example to all the cheats and impostors of the faculty ; and as for that thick-headed insolent pedant, his confederate, who emptied my own Jordan upon me while I slept, he had better been in his beloved Paris, botching schemes for his friend the pretender, than incur the effects of my resentment ; gadsbodikins ! I won't leave him a windpipe for the hangman to stop, at the end of another rebellion.' Pickle told him his conduct had been so extravagant, as to confirm the whole company in the belief that he was ac- tually deprived of his senses ; on which supposition Mr Jol- ter and the doctor had acted the part of friends, in doing that which they thought most conducive to his recovery ; so that their concern merited his thankful acknowledgment, instead of his frantic menaces ; that, for his own part, he would be the first to condemn him, as one utterly bereft of his wits, S36 THE ADVENTUllES OF and give orders for his being secured as a madman, unless he would immediately give a proof of his sanity, by laying aside his sword, composing his spirits, and thanking his in- jured friends for their care of his person. This alternative quieted his transports in a moment ; he was terrified at the apprehension of being treated like a bed- lamite, being dubious of the state of his own brain ; and, on the other hand, had conceived such a horror and antipathy for his tormentors, that, far from believing himself obliged by what they had done, he could not even think of them with- out the utmost rage and detestation. He, therefore, in the most tranquil voice he could assume, protested, that he never was less out of his senses than at present, though he did not know how long he might retain them, if he should be con- sidered in the light of a lunatic : that, in order to prove his being compos mentis, he was willing to sacrifice the resent- ment he so justly harboured against those, who, by their malice, had brought him to this pass : but as he apprehend- ed it would be the greatest sign of madness he could exhibit, to thank them for the mischiefs they had brought upon him, he desired to be excused from making any such concession ; and swore he would endure every thing rather than be guil- ty of such mean absurdity. Peregrine held a consultation upon this reply, when the governor and physician strenuously argued against any ca- pitulation with a maniac, and proposed that some method might be taken to seize, fetter, and convey him into a dark room, where he might be treated according to the rules of art. But the capuchin, understanding the circumstances of the case, undertook to restore him to his former state, with- out having any recourse to such violent measures. Pickle, who was a better judge of the affair than any person present, opened the door without further hesitation, and displayed the poor painter standing with a woeful countenance, shivering in his shirt, which was as wet as if he had been dragged through the Dender : a spectacle which gave sucli offence to the chaste eyes of the Hebrew's mistress, who was by this time one of the spectators, that she turned her head another waVj PEREGRINE PICKLE. 837 and withdrew to her own room, exclaiming against the in- decent practices of men. Pallet, seeing the young gentleman enter, ran to him, and shaking him by the hand, called him his best friend, and said he had rescued him from those who had a design against his life. The priest would have produced his parings, arid applied them to his nose, but was hindered by Pickle, who advised the patient to shift himself, and put on his clothes. This being done, with great order and deliberation, Mr Jol- ter, who, with the doctor, had kept a wary distance, in ex- pectation of seeing some strange effects of his distraction, be- gan to believe that he had been guilty of a mistake, and ac- cused the physician of having misled him by his false diag- nostic. The doctor still insisted upon his former declaration, assuring him, that although Pallet enjoyed a short interval for the present, the delirium would soon recur, unless they would profit by this momentary calm, and ordered him to be blooded, blistered, and purged, with all imaginable dispatch. The governor, however, notwithstanding this caution, ad- Yanced to the injured party, and begged pardon for the share he had in giving him such disturbance. He declared, in the most solemn manner, that he had no other intention than that of contributing towards his welfare, and that his behaviour was the result of the physician's prescription, which he affirmed was absolutely necessary for the recovery of his health. The painter who had very little gall in his disposition, was satisfied with this apology ; but his resentment, which was before divided, now glowed with double fire against his first fellow-traveller, whom he looked upon as the author of all the mischances he had undergone, and marked out for his vengeance accordingly. Yet the doors of reconciliation were not shut against the doctor, who, with great justice, might have transferred this load of offence from himself to Peregrine, who was, without doubt, the source of the paint- er''s misfortune : but, in that case, he must have owned him- self mistaken in his medical capacity ; and he did not think the friendship of Pallet important enough to be retrieved by Vol. 11. Y 338 THE ADVENTURES OF such condescension ; so that he resolved to neglect him en- tirely, and gradually forget the former correspondence he had maintained with a person whom he deemed so unworthy of his notice. CHAPTER LVIII. Peregrine, almost distracted xcilh his disappointments, con- jures the fair Fleming to permit his visits at Brussels — she withdraws Jrom his pursuit. 1 KINGS being thus adjusted, and all the company dressed, they went to breakfast about five in the morning; and in less than an hour after were seated in the diligence, where a pro- found silence prevailed. Peregrine, who used to be the life of the society, was extremely pensive and melancholy on account of his mishap ; the Israelite and his dulcinea deject- ed, in consequence of their disgrace ; the poet absorbed in lofty meditation, the painter in schemes of revenge, while Jolter, rocked by the motion of the carriage, made himself amends for the want of rest he had sustained ; and the men- dicant, with his fair charge, were infected by the cloudy as- pect of our youth, in whose disappointment each of them, for different reasons, bore no inconsiderable share. This general languor and recess from all bodily exercise, disposed them all to receive the gentle yoke of slumber ; and, in half an hour after they had embarked, there was not one of them awake, except our hero and his mistress, unless the capu- chin was pleased to counterfeit sleep, in order to indulge our young gentleman with an opportunity of enjoying some pri- vate conversation with his beauteous ward. Peregrine did not neglect the occasion ; but, on the con- trary, seized the first minute, and, in gentle murmurs, )i<,ment- ed his hard hap in being thus the sport of fortune. He as- sured her (and that with great sincerity), that all the cross accidents of his life had not cost him one half of the vexa- tion and keenness of chagrin which he had sufferet"^ lasit night ; and that, now he was on the brink of parting from her, he PEREGRINE PICKLE. S39 should be overwhelmed with the blackest despair if she would not extend her compassion so far as to give him an oppor- tunity of sighing at her feet in Brussels, during the few days his affairs would permit him to spend in that city. This young lady, with an air of mortification, expressed her sorrow for being the innocent cause of his anxiety ; said, she hoped last night's adventure would be a salutary warn- ing to both their souls ; for she was persuaded that her virtue was protected by the intervention of Heaven ; that, what- ever impression it might have made upon him, she was en- abled by it to adhere to that duty from which her passion had begun to swerve ; and, beseeching him to forget her for his own peace, gave him to understand, that neither the plan she had laid down for her own conduct, nor the dic- tates of her honour, would allow her to receive his visits, or carry on any other correspondence with him, while she was restricted by the articles of her marriage vow. This explanation produced such a violent effect upon her admirer, that he was for some minutes deprived of the fa- culty of speech ; which he no sooner recovered, than he gave vent to the most unbridled transports of passion. He taxed her with barbarity and indifference ; told her, that she had robbed him of his reason and internal peace ; that he would follow her to the ends of the earth, and cease to live sooner than cease to love her ; that he would sacrifice the innocent fool who had been the occasion of all this disquiet, and mur- der every man whom he considered as an obstruction to his views. In a word, his passions, which had continued so long in a state of the highest fermentation, together with the want of that repose which calms and quiets the perturbation of the spirits, had wrought him up to a pitch of real distract tion. While he uttered these delirious expressions, the tears ran down his cheeks ; and he underwent such agitation, that the tender heart of the fair Fleming was affected with his condition; and, while her own face was bedewed with the streams of sympathy, she begged him, for Heaven's sake, to be composed ; and promised, for his satisfaction, to abate somewhat of the rigour of her purpose. Consoled by 340 THE ADVENTURES OF this kind declaration, lie recollected himself; and, taking out his pencil, gave her his address, when she had assured him that he should hear from her in four-and-twenty hours at farthest after their separation. Thus soothed, he regained the empire of himself, and, by degrees recovered his serenity. But this was not the case with his Amanda, who, from this sample of his disposition, dreaded the impetuosity of his youth, and was effectually deterred from entering into any engagements that might sub- ject her peace and reputation to the rash effects of such a vio- lent spirit. Though she was captivated by his person and accomplishments, she had reflection enough to foresee, that the longer she countenanced his passion, her own heart would be more and more irretrievably engaged, and the quiet of her life the more exposed to continual interruption. She there- fore profited by these considerations, and a sense of religious honour, which helped her to withstand the suggestions of in- clination, and resolved to amuse her lover with false hopes, until she should have it in her power to relinquish his con- versation, without running any risk of suffering by the in- considerate sallies of his love. It was with this view that she desired he would not insist upon attending her to her mo- ther''s house, when the diligence arrived at Brussels ; and he, cajoled by her artifice, took a formal leave of her, together with the other strangers, fixing his habitation at the inn to which he and his fcliow travellers had been directed, in the impatient expectation of receiving a kind summons from her within the limited time. Meanwhile, in order to divert his imagination, he went to see the stadthouse, park, and arsenal ; took a superficial view of the booksellers'' cabinet of curiosities, and spent the even- ing at the Italian opera, which was at that time exhibited for the entertainment of Prince Charles of Lorraine, then governor of the Low Countries. In short, the stated period was almost elapsed, when Peregrine received a letter to this purpose : — • Sir, — If you knew what violence I do my own heart, in de- claring that I have withdrawn myself for ever from your addres- PEREGRINE PICKLE S41 see, you would surely applaud the sacrifice I make to virtue, and strive to imitate this example of self-denial. Yes, sir. Heaven harh lent me grace to struggle with my guilty passion, and henceforth to avoid the dangerous sight of him who inspired it. I therefore conjure you, by the regard vou ought to have for the eternal welfare of us both, as well as by the esteem and afF'-ctum you profess, to war with your unruly inclination, and desist from all attempts of frustrating the laudable resolution I have made. Seek not to invade the peace of one who loves you, to disturb the quiet of a family that never did you wrong, and to alienate the t noughts of a weak wo' lan from a deservmg man. who. by the most sacred claim, ought to have the full possession of her heart.' This billet, without either date or subscription, banished all remains of discretion from the mind of our hero, who ran instantly to the landlord, in all the ecstasy of madness, and demanded to see the messenger who brought the letter, on pain of putting his whole family to the sword. The inn- keeper, terrified by his looks and menaces, fell upon his knees, protesting, in the face of Heaven, tliat he was utterly ignorant and innocent of any thing that could give him offence, and that the billet was brought by a person whom he did not know, and who retired immediately, saying it required no answer. He then gave utterance to his fury in a thousand imprecations and invectives against the writer, whom he dis- honoured with the appellations of a coquette, a jilt, an ad- venturer, who, by means of a pimping priest, had defrauded him of his money. He denounced vengeance against the mendicant, whom he swore he would destroy, if ever he set eyes on him again. The painter unluckily appearing during this paroxysm of rage, he seized him by the throat, saying, he was ruined by his accursed folly ; and, in all likelihood, poor Pallet would have been strangled, had not Joker inter- posed in his behalf, beseeching his pupil to have mercy upon the sufferer, and, with infinite anxiety, desiring to know the cause of this violent assault. He received no answer but a string of incoherent curses. When the painter, with un- speakable astonishment, took God to witness that he had done nothing to disoblige him, the governor began to think, in gad earnest, that Peregrine's vivacity had at length risen to 342 THE ADVENTURES OF the transports of actual madness, and was himself almost distracted with this supposition. That he might the better judge what remedy ought to be applied, he used his whole influence, and practised all his eloquence upon the youth, in order to learn the immediate cause of his delirium. He em- ployed the most pathetic entreaties, and even shed tears in the course of his supplication ; so that Pickle (the first vio- lence of the hunicane being blown over) was ashamed of his own imprudence, and retired to his chamber, in order to re- collect his dissipated thoughts. There he shut himself up, and, for the second time, perusing the fatal epistle, began to vaver in his opinion of the author's character and intention. He sometimes considered her as one of those nymphs who, under the mask of innocence and simplicity, practise upon the hearts and purses of unwary and unexperienced youths. This was the suggestion of his wrath^ inflamed by disap- pointment ; but when he reflected upon the circumstances of her behaviour, and recalled her particular charms to his imagination, the severity of his censure gave way, and his heart declared in favour of her sincerity. Yet even this consideration aggravated the sense of his loss, and he was in danger of relapsing into his former distraction, when his passion was a little becalmed by the hope of seeing her again, either by accident, or in the course of a diligent and minute inquiry, which he forthwith resolved to set on foot. He had reason to believe, that her own heart would espouse his cause, in spite of her virtue's determination, and did not de- spair of meeting with the capuchin, whose good offices he knew he could at any time command. Comforted with these reflections, the tempest of his soul subsided. In less than two hours he joined his company, with an air of composure, • and asked the painter's forgiveness for the freedom he had taken — the cause of which he promised hereafter to explain. Pallet was glad of being reconciled on any terms to one whose countenance supported him in equilibrio with his antagonist the doctor ; and Mr Jolter was rejoiced beyond measure at his pupil's recovery. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 343 CHAPTER LIX. Peregrine meets with Mrs Hornhech, and is consoled for his loss — his valet de chambre is embroiled with her duenna, whom, however, he finds means to appease. Ji VERY thing having thus resumed its natural channel, they dined together in great tranquillity. In the afternoon, Pe- regrine, on pretence of staying at home to write letters, while his companions were at the coffee-house, ordered a coach to be called, and, with his valet de chambre, who was the only person acquainted with the present state of his thoughts, set out for the promenade, to which all the ladies of fashion resort in the evening during the summer season, in hopes of seeing his fugitive among the rest. Having made a circuit round the walk, and narrowly observed every female in the place, he perceived at some distance the livery of Hornbeck upon a lacquey that stood at the back of a coach : upon which he ordered his man to reconnoitre the said carriage, while he pulled up his glasses, that he might not be discovered, before he should have re- ceived some intelligence, by which he might conduct him- self on this unexpected occasion, that already began to in- terfere with the purpose of his coming thither, though it could not dispute his attention with the idea of his charming unknown. His Mercury having made his observations, reported, that there was nobody in the coach but Mrs Hornbeck and an elderly woman, who had all the air of a duenna, and that the servant was not the same footman who had attended them in France. Encouraged by this information, our hero ordered himself to be driven close up to that side of their convenience on which his old mistress sat : and accosted her with the usual salutation. This lady no sooner beheld her gallant, than her cheeks reddened with a double glow ; and she exclaimed, — ' dear brother, I am overjoyed to see you ! pray come into our coach.' He took the hint immediately, and, complying with her request, embraced this new sister with great affection. 344 THE ADVENTUllES OF Perceiving that her attendant was very much surprised and alarmed at this unexpected meeting, she, in order to banish her suspicion, and at the same time give her lover his cue, told him, that his brother (meaning her husband) was gone to the Spa for a few weeks, by the advice of physicians, on account of his ill state of health ; and that, from his last let- ter, she had the pleasure to tell him, he was iu a fair way of doing well. The young gentleman expressed his satisfaction at this piece of news ; observing, with an air of fraternal con- cern, that if his brother had not made too free with his con- stitution, his friends in England would have had no occasion to repine at his absence and want of health, by which he was banished from his own country and connections. He then asked (with an affectation of surprise) why she had not ac- companied her spouse ? and was given to understand, that his tenderness of affection would not suffer him to expose her to the fatigues of the journey, which lay among rocks that were almost inaccessible. The duenna's doubts being eased by this preamble of con- versation, he changed the subject to the pleasures of the place ; and among other such questions, inquired if she had as yet visited V^ersailles? This is a public-house, situated upon the canal, at the distance of about two miles from town, accommodated with tolerable gardens for the entertainment of company. When she replied in the negative, he proposed to accompany her thither immediately ; but the govcrnante, who had hitherto sat silent, objected to this proposal, telling them, in broken English, that as the lady was under her care, she could not answer to Mr Hornbeck for allowing her to go and visit such a suspicious place. ' As for that matter, madam,' said the confident gallant, * give yourself no trouble ; the consequences shall be at my peril, and I will undertake to ensure you against my brother's resentment.' So saying, he directed the coachman to the place, and ordered his own to follow, under the auspices of his valet de chambre, while the old gentlewoman, over-ruled by his assurance, quietly submitted to his authority. » Being arrived at the place, he handed the ladies from the coach, and then, for the first time, observed that the duenna PEREGRINE PICKLE. 345 vas lame ; a circumstance of which he did not scruple to take the advantage ; for they had scarce alighted, and drank a glass of wine, when he advised his sister to enjoy a walk in the garden ; and although the attendant made shift to keep them almost always in view, they enjoyed a detached con- versation, in which Peregrine learned, that the true cause of her being left behind at Brussels, whilst her husband proceed- ed to Spa, was his dread of the company and familiarities of that place, to which his jealousy durst not expose her; and that she had lived three weeks in a convent at Lisle, from which she was delivered by his own free motion, because in- deed he could no longer exist without her company ; and lastly, our lover understood, that her governante was a mere dragon, who had been recommended to him by a Spanish merchant, whose wife she attended to her dying-day : but she very much questioned whether or not her fidelity was proof enough against money and strong waters. Peregrine assured her the experiment should be tried before parting; and they agreed to pass the night at Versailles, provided his endeavours should succeed. Having exercised themselves in this manner, until the du- enna's spirits were pretty much exhausted, that she might be the better disposed to recruit them with a glass of liquor, they returned to their apartment, and the cordial was recommend- ed and received in a bumper : but as it did not produce such a visible alteration as the sanguine hopes of Pickle had made him expect, and the old gentlewoman observed that it began to be late, and that the gates would be shut in a little time, he filled up a parting glass, and pledged her in equal quantity. Her blood was too much chilled to be warmed even by this extraordinary dose, which made immediate innovation in the brain of our youth, who, in the gaiety of his imagination, overwhelmed this she Argus with such profusion of gallantry, that she was more intoxicated with his expressions than with the spirits she had drank. When, in the course of toying, he dropped a purse into her bosom, she seemed to forget how the night wore, and, with the approbation of her charge^ assented to his proposal of having something for supper. 3^G THE ADVENTUnES OF This was a great point which ouv adventurer had gained ; and yet he plainly perceived that tlie governante mistook his meaning, by giving herself credit for all the passion he had professed. As this error could be rectified by no other means than those of plying her with the bottle, until her distinguish- ing faculties should be overpowered, he promoted a quick circulation. She did him justice, without any manifest signs of inebriation, so long, that his own eyes began to reel in the sockets ; and he found, that before his scheme could be ac- complished, he should be effectually unfitted for all the pur- poses of love. He, therefore, had recourse to his valet do chambre, who understood the hint as soon as it was given, and readily undertook to perform the part, of which his master had played the prelude. This affair being settled to his satisf<»ction, and the night at odds with morning, he took an opportunity of imparting to the ear of this aged dulcinea a kind whisper, importing a promise of visiting her, when his sister should be retired to her own chamber, and an earnest desire of leaving her door unlocked. Th s agreeable intimation being communicated, he convey- ed a caution of the same nature to Mrs Hornbeck as he led her to her apartment ; and darkness and silence no sooner prevailed in the house, than he and his trusty 'squire set out on their different voyages. Every thing would have succeed- ed accordmg to their wish, had not the valet de chambre suffered himself to tall asleep at the side of his inamorata, and, in the agitation of a violent dream, exclaimed in a voice so unlike that of her supposed adorer, that she distin- guished the difference at once. Waking him with a pinch and a loud shriek, she threatened to prosecute him for a rape, and reviled him with all the epithets her rage and dis- appointment could suggest. The Frenchman, finding himself detected, behaved with great temper and aildress : he begged she would compose herself on account of her own reputation, which was extreme- ly dear to him ; protesting, that he had a most inviolable esteem for her person. His representations had weight with the duenna, who, upon recollection, compreiicnded the whole PEREGRINE PICKLE. 347 affair, and thought it would be her interest to bring matters to an accommodation. She, therefore, admitted the apolo- gies of her bed-fellow, provided he would promise to atone by marriage for the injury she had sustained ; and in this particular, he set her heart at ease by repeated vows, which he uttered with surprising volubility, though without any intention to perform the least tittle of their contents. Peregrine, who had been alarmed by her exclamation, and run over to the door with a view of interposing, according to the emergency of the case, hearing the affair thus com- promised, returned to his mistress, who was highly entertain- ed, with an account of what had passed, foreseeing that, for the future, she should be under no difficulty or restriction from the severity of her guard. CHAPTER LX. Hornbeck Is informed of his wi/es adventure with Peregrine^ for whom he prepares a stratagem, which is rendered inej- Jectual hy the information of Pipes — the husband ducked for his intention^ and our hero apprehended by the patrol. X HERE was another person, however, still ungained ; and that was no other than her footman, whose secrecy our hero attempted to secure in the morning by a handsome present, which he received with many professions of gratitude and devotion to his service ; yet this complaisance was nothing but a cloak used to disguise the design he harboured of mak- ing his master acquainted with the whole transaction. In- deed this lacquey had been hired, not only as a spy upon his mistress, but also as a check on the conduct of the gover- nante, with promise of ample reward, if ever he should dis- cover any sinister or suspicious practices in the course of her behaviour. As for the footman whom they had brought from England, he was retained in attendance upon the person of his master, whose confidence he had lost, by advising him to gentle methods of reclaiming his lady, when her irregulari- ties had subjected her to his wrath. IJ-iS 'IHE ADVENTUKES OF The Flemish valet, in consequence of the office he had undertaken, wrote to Hornbeck iiy the first post, giving an exact detail of the adventure at Versailles, with such a de- scription of the pretended brother, as left the husband no room to think he could be any other person than his first dishonourer ; and exasperated him to such a degree, that he resolved to lay an ambush for this invader, and at once dis- qualify him from disturbing his repose, by maintaining fur- ther correspondence with his wife. Meanwhile, the lovers enjoyed themselves without re- straint ; and Peregrine's plan of inquiry after his dear un- known was for the present postponed. His fellow-travellers vere confounded at his mysterious motions, which filled the heart of Joltcr with anxiety and terror. This careful con- ductor was fraught with such experience of his pupil's dis- position, that he trembled with the apprehension of some sudden accident, and lived in continual alarm, like a man that walks under the wall of a nodding tower. Nor did he enjoy any alleviations of his fears, when, upon telling the young gentleman, that the rest of the company were desir- ous of departing for Antwerp, he answered, that they were at liberty to consult their own inclinations ; l>ut, for his own part, he was resolved to stay in Brussels a few days longer. By this declaration the governor was confirmed in the opi- nion of his having some intrigue upon the anvil. In the bit- terness of his vexation, he took the liberty of signifying his suspicion, and reminding him of the dangerous dilemmas to which he had been reduced by his former precipitation. Peregrine took his caution in good part, and promised to behave with such circumspection as would screen him from any troublesome consequences for the future ; but, neverthe- less, behaved that same evening in such a manner, as plainly shewed, that his prudence was nothing else than vain specula- tion. He had made an appointment to spend the night as usual, with Mrs Hornbeck ; and, about nine o'clock, hasten- ed to her lodgings, when he was accosted in the street by his old discarded friend Thomas Pipes, who, without any other preamble, told him, that, for all he had turned him ^driftj i PEREGKINE PirKI.E. }4e did not choose to see him run full sail into his enemy's harbour, without giving him timely notice of the danger. * I'l] tell you what,"" said he, *• mayhap you think I want to Curry favour that I may be taken in tow again ; if you do, you have made a mistake in your reckoning. I am old enough to be laid up, and have wherewithal to keep my planks from the weather. But this here is the affair; I have known you since you were no higher than a marlinspikc, and shouldn't care to see you deprived of your rigging at tliese years ; whereby, I am informed by Hornheck's man, whom I this afternoon fell in with by chance, as how his master has got intelligence of your boarding his wife, and has steered privately into this port, with a large complement of hands, in order, d'ye see, to secure you while you are under the hatches. Now, if so be as how you have a mind to give him a salt eel for his supper, here am I, without hope of fee or reward, ready to stand by you as long as my timbers will stick together ; and if 1 expect any recompence, may I be bound to eat oakum and drink bilgewater for life.'' Startled at this information. Peregrine examined him upon the particulars of his discourse with the lacquey ; and when he understood that Hornbeck's inte'iligence flowed from the canal of his Flemish footman, he believed every circumstance of Tom*'s report, thanked him for this warning, and, after ha- ving reprimanded him for his misbehaviour at Lisle, assured him that it should be his own fault if ever they should part again. He then deliberated with himself whether or not he should retort the purpose upon his adversary : but when he considered that Hornbeck was not the aggressor, and made that unhappy husband's case his pwn, he could not help ac- quitting his intention of revenge, though, in his opinion, it jought to have been executed in a more honourable manner ; and therefore he determined to chastise him for his want of spirit. Nothing surely can be more insolent and unjust than this determination, which induced him to punish a person for his want of courage to redress the injury which he him- self had done to his reputation and peace ; and yet this bar- barity of decision is authorised by the opinion and practice of mankind. 350 THE ADVENTURES OF With these sentiments, he returned to the inn, and, put- ting a pair of pistols in his pocket, ordered his valet de cham- bre and Pipes to follow him at a small distance, so as that they should be within call in case of necessity, and then post- ed himself within thirty yards of his dulcinea's door. There he had not been above half an hour, when he perceived four men take their station on the other side, with a view, as he guessed, to watch for his going in, that he might be taken unaware. But when they had tarried a considerable time in that corner, without reaping the fruits of their expectation, their leader, persuaded that the gallant had gained admittance by some secret means, approached the door with his follow- ers, who, according to the instructions they had received, no sooner saw it opened than they rushed in, leaving their em- ployer in the street, where he thought his person would be least endangered. Our adventurer, seeing him all alone^ advanced with speed, and clapping a pistol to his breast, commanded him to follow his footsteps, without noise, on pain of immediate death. Terrified at this sudden apparition, Hornbeck obeyed in silence ; and, in a few minutes, they arrived at the quay, where Pickle, halting, gave him to understand that he was no stranger to his villanous design — told him, that if he con- ceived himself injured by any circumstance of his conduct, he would now give him an opportunity of resenting the wrong, in a manner becoming a man of honour. ' You have a sword about you,"" said he, ' or, if you don**! choose to put the affair on that issue, liere is a brace of pistols, take which you please.' Such an address could not fail to dis- concert a man of his character. After some hesitation, he, in a faltering accent, denied that his design was to mutilate Mr Pickle, but that he thought himself entitled to the be- , nefit of the law, by which he would have obtained a di- -vorce, if he could have procured evidence of his wife's in- fidelity ; and with that view he had employed people to , take advantage of the information he had received. With regard to this alternative, he declined it entirely, because he Gould not see what satisfaction he should enjoy, in being PEREGRINE PICKLE. S5l sliot through the head, or run through the lungs, by a per- son who had already wronged him in an irreparable man- ner. Lastly, his fear made him propose, that the affair should be left to the arbitration of two creditable men, al- together unconcerned in the disjjoite. \ To these remonstrances. Peregrine replied, in the style of a hot-headed young man conscious of his own unjustifiable behaviour, that every gentleman ought to be a judge of his own honour, and therefore he would submit to the decision of no umpire whatsoever; that he would forgive his want of courage, which might be a natural infirmity., but his mean dissimulation he could not pardon ; that, as he was certified of the rascally intent of his ambuscade, by undoubt- ed inteUigence, he would treat him, not with a retaliation of his own treachery, but with such indignity as a scoundrel deserves to suffer, unless he would make one effort to main- tain the character he assumed in life. So saying, he again presented his pistols, which being rejected as before, he call- ed his two ministers, and ordered them to duck him in the canal. This command was pronounced and executed almost in the same breath, to the unspeakable terror and disorder of the poor shivering patient, who, having undergone the im- mersion, ran about like a drowned rat, squeaking for as- sistance and revenge. His cries were overheard by the pa- trol, who, chancing to pass that way, took him under tjieir protection, and, in conseqvience of his complaint and infor- mation, went in pursuit of our adventurer and his attendants, who were soon overtaken and surrounded. Kash and in- considerate as the young gentleman was, he did not pretend to stand upon the defensive against a file of musqueteers, al- though Pipes had drawn his cutlass at their approach, but surrendered himself without opposition, and was conveyed to the main guard, where the commanding officer, engaged by his appearance and address, treated him with all im- aginable respect. Hearing the particulars of his adventure, he assured him that the prince would consider the whole as a tour de Jeuiiesse, and order him to be released without delav. 352 TlIE ADVENTURES OF Next morning, when this gentleman gave in his report, he made such a favourable representation of the prisoner, that our hero was on the point of being discharged, when Hornbeck preferred a complaint, accusing him of a purpos- ed assassination, and praywrg that such punishment should be inflicted upon him as his highness should think adequate to the nature of the crime. The prince, perplexed with this petition, in consequence of which he foresaw that he must disoblige a British subject, sent for the plaintiff, of whom he had some knowledge, and in person exhorted him to drop the prosecution, which would only serve to propagate his own shame. But Hornbeck was too much incensed to listen to any proposal of that kind, and peremptorily demanded justice against the prisoner, whom he represented as an obscure adventurer, who had made repeated attempts upon his honour and his life. Prince Charles told him, that what he had advised was in the capacity of a friend ; but, since he insisted upon his acting as a magistrate, the affair should be examined, and determined according to the dic- tates of justice and truth. The petitioner being dismissed with this promise, the defendant was, in his turn, brought before the judge, whose prepossession in his favour was in a great measure weakened by what his antagonist had said to the prejudice of his birth and reputation. CHAPTER LXI. Peregrine is released — Jolter confounded at his inysterious conduct — a contest happens between the poet and painter^ •whoare reconciled by the mediationof their Jellow-travellers. Our hero understanding, from some expressions which escaped the prince, that he was considered in the light of a sharper and assassin, begged that he might have the liberty of sending for some vouchers, that would probably vindicate his character from the malicious aspersions of his adversary. This permission being granted, he wrote a letter to his go- PEREGniXE PICKLE. 353 venior, desiring that he would bring to him the letters of recommendation which he had received from the British am- bassador at Paris, and such other papers as he thought con- ducive to evince the importance of his situation. The billet was given in charge to one of the subaltern officers on duty, who carried it to the inn, and demanded to speak with Mr Jolter. Pallet, who happened to be at the door when this messenger arrived, and heard him inquire for the tutor, ran directly to that gentleman's apartment, and, in manifest disorder, told him that a huge fellow of a sol- dier, with a monstrous pair of whiskers, and a fur cap as big as a bushel, was asking for him at the door. The poor go- vernor began to shake at this intimation, although he was not conscious of having committed any thing that could attract the attention of the state. When the officer appeared at his chamber door, his confusion increased to such a degree, that his perception seemed to vanish, and the subaltern repeated the purport of his errand three times, before he could comprehend his meaning, or venture to receive the letter which he presented. At length he summoned all his fortitude, and having perused the epistle, his terror sunk into anxiety. His ingenious fear immediately sug- gested, that Peregrine was confined in a dungeon, for some outrage he had committed. He ran with great agitation to a trunk, and, taking out a bundle of papers, followed his conductor, being attended by the painter, to whom he had hinted his apprehension. When they passed through the guard, which was under arms, the hearts of both died with- in them ; and when they came into the presence, there was such an expression of awful horror on the countenance of Jolter, that the prince, observing his dismay, was pleased to encourage him, with an assurance that he had nothing to fear. Thus comforted, he recollected himself so well as to understand his pupil, when he desired him to produce the ambassador's letters; some of which being open, were im- mediately read by his highness, who was personally acquaint- ed with the writer, and knew several of the noblemen to whom they were addressed. These recommendations were Vol II. Z 354; THE ADVENTURES OF SO warm, and represented the young gentleman in such an advantageous light, that tlie prince, convinced of the injus- tice his character had suffered by the misrepresentation of Hornbeck, took our hero by the hand, asked pardon for the doubts he had entertained of his honour, declared him from that moment at liberty, ordered his domestics to be enlarged, and offered him his countenance and protection as long as he should remain in the Austrian Netherlands. At the same time he cautioned him against indiscretion in the course of his gallantries ; and took his word and lionour, that he should drop all measures of resentment against the person of Hornbeck during his residence in that place. The delinquent, thus honourably acquitted, thanked the prince, in the most respectful manner, for his generosity and candour, and retired with his two friends, who were amazed and bewildered in their thoughts at what they had seen and heard, the whole adventure still remaining without the sphere of their comprehension, which was not at all enlarg- ed by the unaccountable appearance of Pipes, who, with the valet de chambre, joined them at the castle gate. Had Jolter been a man of luxuriant imagination, his brain would undoubtedly have suffered in the investigation of his pupiFs mysterious conduct, which he strove in vain to unravel ; but his intellects were too solid to be affected by the miscarriage of his invention ; and as Peregrine did not think proper to make him acquainted with the cause of his being appre- hended, he contented himself with supposing that there was a lady in the case. The painter, whose imagination was of a more flimsy tex- ture, formed a thousand chimerical conjectures, which he communicated to Pickle, in imperfect insinuations, hoping, by his answers and behaviour, to discover the truth ; but the youth, in order to tantahze him, eluded all his inquiries, with such appearance of industry and art, as heightened his curiosity, wlrile it disappointed his aim, and inflamed him to such a degree of impatience, that his wits began to be unsettled. Then Peregrine was fain to recompose his brain, by telling him in confidence, that he had been PEREGRINE PICKLE. §55 arrested as a spy. This secret he found more intolerable than his former uncertainty : he ran from one apartment to another, like a goose in the agonies of egg-laying, with in- tention of disburdening this important load ; but Jolter be- ing engaged with his pupil, and all the people of the house ignorant of the only language he could speak, he was com- pelled, with infinite reluctance, to address himself to the doctor, who was at that time shut up in his own chamber. Having knocked at the door to no purpose, he peeped through the key-hole, and saw the physician sitting at a table with a pen in one hand, and paper before him, his head reclined upon his other hand, and his eyes fixed upon the ceiling, as if he had been entranced. Pallet, concluding that he was under the power of some convulsion, endeavoured to force the door open ; and the noise of his efforts recalled the doctor from his reverie. This poetical republican, being so disagreeably disturbed, started up in a passion, and open- ing the door, no sooner perceived who had interrupted him, than he flung it in his face with great fury, and cursed him for his impertinent intrusion, which had deprived him of the most delightful vision that ever regaled the human fancy. He imagined (as he afterwards imparted to Peregrine), that, as he enjoyed himself in walking through the flowery plain that borders on Parnassus, he was met by\a venerable sage, whom, by a certain divine vivacity that lightened from his eyes, he instantly knew to be the immortal Pin- dar. He was immediately struck with reverence and awe, and prostrated himself before the apparition, which, taking him by the hand, lifted him gently from the ground, and, with words more sweet than the honey of the Hybla bees, told him, that of all the moderns, he alone was visited by that celestial impulse by which he himself had been in- spired, when he produced his most applauded odes. So saying, he led him up the sacred hill, persuaded him to drink a copious draught of the waters of the Hippocrene, and then presented him to the harmonious nine, who crown- ed his temples with a laurel wreath. No wonder that he was enraged to find himself cut off S56 THK ADVENTURES OV from such sublime society. He raved in Greek against the invader, who was so big with his own purpose, that, un- mindful of the disgrace he had sustained, and disregarding all the symptoms of the physician's displeasure, he applied his mouth to the door, in an eager tone, * Til hold you any wager,' said he, ' that I guess the true cause of Mr Pickle's imprisonment.' To this challenge he received no reply, and therefore repeated it, adding, I suppose you imagine he was taken up for fighting a duel, or affronting a nobleman, or lying with some man's wife, or some such matter ; but, egad ! you was never more mistaken in your life ; and I'll lay my Cleopatra against your Homer's head, that in four- and-twenty hours you shan't light on the true reason.' The favourite of the muses, exasperated at this vexatious perseverance of the painter, who, he imagined, had come to tease and insult him, ' I would,' said he, ' sacrifice a cock to j^isculapius, were I assured that any person had been taken up for extirpating such a troublesome Goth as you are from the face of the earth. As for your boasted Cleopatra, which you say was drawn from your own wife, I believe the copy has as much of the to A'alon as the original ; but, were it mine, it should be hung up in the temple of Cloacina, as the picture of that goddess ; for any other apartment would be disgraced by its appearance.' ' Hark ye, sir,' replied Pallet, enraged in his turn at the contemptuous mention of his darling performance, ' you may make as free with my wife as you think proper, but 'ware my works ; those are the children of my fancy, conceived by the glowing imagi- nation, and formed by the art of my own hands ; and you yourself are a Goth, and a Turk, and a Tartar, and an im- pudent pretending jackanapes, to treat with such disrespect a production, which, in the opinion of all the connoisseurs of the age, will, when finished, be a masterpiece in its kind, and do honour to human genius and skill. So I say again and again, (and I care not though your friend Playtor heard me), that you have no more taste than a drayman's hoi-se, and that those foolish notions of the ancients ought to b£ drubbed out of you with a good cudgel, that you might cPEREGRINE PICKLE. g57 learii to treat men of parts with more veneration. Perhaps you may not always be in the company of one who will hal- loo for assistance when you are on the brink of being chas- tised for your insolence, as I did, when you brought upon yourself the resentment of that Scot, who, by the Lard ! would have paid you both scot and lot, as FalstafF says, if the French officer had not put him in arrest.' The physician, to this declamation, which was conveyed through the key-hole, answered, that he (the painter) was a fellow so infinitely below his consic^eration, that his conscience upbraided him with no action of his life, except that of choosing such a wretch for his companion and fellow-travel- ler ; that he had viewed his character through the medium of good-nature and compassion, which had prompted him to give Pallet an opportunity of acquiring some new ideas un- der his immediate instruction ; but he had abused his good- ness and condescension in such a flagrant manner, that he was now determined to discard him entirely from his ac- quaintance ; and desired him, for the present to take him- self away, on pain of being kicked for his presumption. Pallet was too much incensed to be intimidated by this threat, which he retorted with great virulence, defying him to come forth, that it might appear which of them was uest skilled in that pedestrian exercise, which he immediately be- gan to practise against the door, with such thundering appli- cation, as reached the ears of Pickle and his governor, who, coming out into the passage, and seeing him thus employed, asked if he had forgot the chamber pots of Alost, tiiat he ventured to behave in such a manner, as entitled him to a second prescription of the same nature. The doctor, understanding that there was company at hand, opened the door in a twinkling ; and, springing upon his antagonist like a tiger, a fierce contention would have ensued, to the infinite satisfaction of our hero, had not Jol- ter, to the manifest peril of his own person, interposed, and, partly by force, and partly by exhortations, put a stop to the engagement before it was fairly begun. After having de- monstrated the indecency of such a vulgar rencounter betwixt 358 THK adve;ntuiies of two fellow citizens, in a foreign land, lie begged to know the cause of tlieir dissension, and offered his good offices to- wards an accommodation. Peregrine also, seeing the fray was finished, expressed himself to the same purpose ; and the painter, for obvious reasons, declining an explanation, his antagonist told the youth what a mortifying interruption he had suffered by the impertinent intrusion of Pallet, and gave him a detail of the particulars of his vision, as above recited. The arbiter owned the provocation was not to be endured ; and decreed, that the offender should make some atonement for his transgression. Upon which the painter observed, that, however he might have been disposed to make acknow- ledgments, if the physician had signified his displeasure like a gentleman, the complainant had now forfeited all claim to any such concessions, by the vulgar manner in which he had reviled him and his productions ; observing, that, if he (the painter) had been inclined to retort his slanderous insinua- tions, the republican''s own works would have afforded ample subject for his ridicule and censure. After divers disputes and representations, peace was at length concluded, on condition that, for the future, the doctor should never mention Cleopatra, unless he could say some- thing in her praise ; and that Pallet, in consideration of his having been the first aggressor, should make a sketch of the physician"'s vision, to be engraved and prefixed to the next edition of his odes. CHAPTER LXII. The travellers depart for Antzcerp, at 70111 eh place the painter gives a loose to his enthusiasm. \)vR adventurer, baffled in all his efforts to retrieve his lost Amanda, yielded at length to the remonstrances of his governor and fellow-travellers, who, out of pure complaisance to him, had exceeded their intended stay by six days at least ; and a couple of post chaises, with three riding horses, being hired, they departed from Brussels in the morning, dined at PEREGRINE PICKLE. 359 Mechlin, and arrived about eight in the evening at the ve- nerable city of Antwerp. During this day's journey, Pallet waa elevated to an uncommon flow of spirits, with the pro- spect of seeing the birth-place of Rubens, for whom he pro- fessed an enthusiastic admiration. He swore, that the plea- sure he felt was equal to that of a Mussulman, on the last day of his pilgrunage to Mecca ; and that he already con- sidered himself a native of Antwerp, being so intimately ac- quainted with their so justly boasted citizen, from whom, at certain junctures, he could not help believing himself derived, because his own pencil adopted the manner of that great ma.^ with surprising facility, and his face wanted nothing but a pair of whiskers and a beard to exhibit the express image of the Fleming's countenance. He told them, he was so proud of this resemblance, that, in order to render it more striking, he had, at one time of his life, resolved to keep his face sacred from the razor ; and in that purpose had persevered, notwithstanding the continual reprehensions of Mrs Pallet, who, being then with child, said, his aspect was so hideous, that she dreaded a miscarriage every hour, until she threatened, in plain terms, to dispute the sanity of his intellects, and apply to the chancellor tor a committee. The doctor, on this occasion, observed, that a man who is not proof against the solicitations of a woman, can never expect to make a great figure in life ; that painters and poets ought to cultivate no wives but the muses ; or, if they are, by the accidents of fortune, encumbered with families, they should carefully guard against that pernicious weakness, falsely honoured with the appellation of natural affection, and pay no manner of regard to the impertinent customs of the world. ' Granting that you had been, for a short time, deemed a lunatic,"* said he, ' you might have acquitted your- self honourably of that imputation, by some performance that would have raised your character above all censure. Sophocles himself, that celebrated tragic poet, who, for the sweetness of his versification, was styled melitta or the hee^ in his old age suifered the same accusation, from his own children, who, seeing him neglect his family affairs, and de- 3G0 THE ADVENTURES OF vote himself entirely to poetry, carried him before the ma- gistrate, as a man whose intellects were so much impaired by the infirmities of age, that he was no longer fit to manage his domestic concerns ; upon which the reverend bard pro- duced his tragedy of Oedipus ep't kolono, as a work he had just finished ; which, being perused, instead of being de- clared unsound of understanding, he was dismissed with ad- miration and applause. I wish your beard and whiskers had been sanctioned by the like authority ; though I am afraid you would have been in the predicament of those disciples of a certain philosopher, who drank decoctions of cummin seeds, that their faces might adopt the paleness of their mas- ter's complexion, hoping, that, in being as wan, they would be as learned as their teacher.' The painter, stung with this sarcasm, replied, ' Or like those virtuosi, who, by repeating Greek, eating sillikickaby, and pretending to see visions, think they equal the ancients in taste and genius."* The phy- sician retorted, Pallet rejoined, and the altercation continued until they entered the gates of Antwerp, when the admirer of Rubens broke forth into a rapturous exclamation, which put an end to the dispute, and attracted the notice of the inha- bitants, many of whom, by shrugging up their shoulders, and pointing to their foreheads, gave shrewd indications that they believed him a poor gentleman disordered in his brain. They had no sooner alighted at the inn, than this pseudo- enthusiast proposed to visit the great church, in which he had been informed some of his master's pieces were to be seen ; and was remarkably chagrined, when he understood that he could not be admitted till next day. He rose next morning by day-break, and disturbed his fellow-travellers in such a noisy and clamorous manner, that Peregrine deter- mined to punish him with some new infliction ; and, while he put on his clothes, actually formed the plan of promoting a duel between him and the doctor ; in the management of which he promised himself store of entertainment, from the behaviour of both. Being provided with one of those domestics, who are al- ways in waiting to offer their services to strangers on their PEREGRINE PICKLE. 361 first arrival, they were conducted to the house of a gentle- man who had an excellent collection of pictures ; and, though the greatest part of them were painted by his fa- vourite artist, Pallet condemned them all by the lump, be- cause Pickle had told him beforehand, that there was not one performance of Rubens among the number. The next place they visited, was what they called the aca- demy of painting, furnished with a number of paltry pieces, in which our painter recognized the style of Peter Paul, with many expressions of admiration, on the same sort of previous intelligence. From this repository, they went to the great church ; and being led to the tomb of Rubens, the whimsical painter fell upon his knees, and worshipped with such appearance of devotion, that the attendant, scandalized at his superstition, pulled him up, observing, with great warmth, that the per- son buried in that place was no saint, but as great a sinner as himself; and that, if he was spiritually disposed, there was a chapel of the blessed Virgin, at the distance of three yards on the right hand, to which he might retire. He thought it was incumbent upon him to manifest some extra- ordinary inspiration, while he resided on the spot where Ru- bens was born ; and therefore his whole behaviour was an affectation of rapture, expressed in distracted exclamations, convulsive starts, and uncouth gesticulations. In the midst of his frantic behaviour, he saw an old capuchin, with a white beard, mount the pulpit, and hold forth to the con- gregation with such violence of emphasis and gesture, as captivated his fancy ; and, bawling aloud, ' Zounds ! what an excellent Paul preaching at Athens !' he pulled a pencil and a small memorandum-book from his pocket, and began to take a sketch of the orator, with great eagerness and agita- tion, saying, ' Egad ! friend Raphael, we shall see whether you or I have got the best nack at trumping up an apostle.* This appearance of disrespect gave offence to the audience, who began to murmur against this heretic libertine ; when one of the priests belonging to the choir, in order to prevent any ill consequences from their displeasure, came and told 362 THE ADVENTURES OF him in the French language, that such liberties were not permitted in their religion, and advised him to lay aside his implements, lest the people should take umbrage at his de- sign, and be provoked to punish him as a profane scoffer at their worship. The painter seeing himself addressed by a friar, who, while he spoke, bowed with great complaisance, imagined that he was a begging brother come to supplicate his cha- rity ; and his attention being quite engrossed by the design he was making, he patted the priest's shaven crown with his hand, saying, oter terns, oter terns, and then resumed his pencil with great earnestness. The ecclesiastic, perceiving that the stranger did not comprehend his meaning, pulled him by the sleeve, and explained himself in the Latin tongue ; upon which Pallet, provoked at his intrusion, cursed him aloud for an impudent beggarly son of a whore, and, taking out a shilling, flung it upon the pavement, with manifest signs of indignation. Some of the common people, enraged to see their religion contemned, and their priests insulted at the very altar, rose from their seats, and surrounding the astonished painter, one of the number snatched his book from his hand, and tore it in a thousand pieces. Frightened as he was, he could not help crying, ' Fire and faggots ! all my favourite ideas are gone to wreck !' and was in danger of being very rough handled by the crowd, had not Peregrine stepped in, and assured them, that he was a poor unhappy gentleman, who laboured under a transport of the brain. Those who understood the French language communicated this information to the rest, so that he escaped without any other chastisement than be- ing obliged to retire. And as they could not see the famous descent from the cross till alter the service was finished, they were conducted by their domestic to the house of a painter, where they found a beggar standing for his picture, and the artist actually employed in representing a huge louse that crawled upon his shoulder. Pallet was wonderfully pleased with this circumstance, which he said was altogether a new thought, and an excellent hint, of which he would make PEREGRINE PICKLE. 365 his advantage; and, in the course of his survey of this Fleming's performance, perceiving a piece in which two flies were engaged upon the carcase of a dog half devoured, he ran to his brother brush, and swore he was worthy of being a fellow-citizen of the immortal Rubens. He then lamented, with many expressions of grief and resentment, that he had lost his common-place book, in which he had preserved a thousand conceptions of the same sort, formed by the acci- dental objects of his senses and imagination ; and took an opportunity of telling his fellow travellers, that in execu- tion he had equalled, if not excelled, the two ancient painters who vied with each other in the representation of a curtain and a bunch of grapes ; for he had exhibited the image of a certain object so like to nature, that the bare sight of it set a whole hog-sty in an uproar. When he had examined and applauded all the produc- tions of this minute artist, they returned to the great church, and were entertained with the view of that celebrated master- piece of Rubens, in which he has introduced the portraits of himselt and his whole family. The doors that conceal this capital performance were no sooner unfolded, than our enthusiast, debarred the use of speech, by a previous cove- nant with his frieiid Pickle, lifted up his hands and eyes, and, putting himself in the attitude of Hamlet, when his father's ghost appears, adored in silent ecstacy and awe. He eveii made a merit of necessity ; and, when they had withdrawn from the place, protested that his whole faculties were swallow- ed up in love and admiration. He now professed himself more than ever enamoured of the Flemish school, raved in extravagant encomiums, and proposed that the whole com- pariy should pay homage to the memory of the divine Ru- bens, by repairing forthwith to the house in which he lived, and prostrating themselves on the floor of his painting-room. As there was nothing remarkable in the tenement, which had been rebuilt more than once since the death of that great man, Peregrine excused himself from complying with the proposal, on pretence of being fatigued with the circuit they had already performed. Jolter declined it for the same rea- 364? THE ADVENTURES OP son ; and the question being put to the doctor, he refused his company with an air of disdain. Pallet, piqued at his con- temptuous manner, asked if he would not go and see the ha- bitation of Pindoor, provided he was in the city where that poet lived ? and when the physician observed, that there was an infinite difference between the men — ' that I'll al- low,' replied the painter, ' for the devil a poet ever lived in Greece or Troy, that was worthy to clean the pencils of our beloved Rubens.' The physician could not, with any degree of temper and forbearance, hear this outrageous blasphemy, for which, he said, Pallet's eyes ought to be picked out by owls; and the dispute arose, as usual, to such scurrilities of language, and indecency of behaviour, that passengers be- gan to take notice of their animosity, and Peregrine was obliged to interpose for his own credit. CHAPTER LXIII. Peregrine artfully foments a quarrel between Pallet and the physician, who Jight a duel on the ramparts. The painter betook himself to the house of the Flemish Ra- phael, and the rest of the company went back to their lod- gings ; where the young gentleman, taking the advantage of being alone with the physician, recapitulated all the affronts he had sustained from the painter's petulance, aggravating every circumstance of the disgrace, and advising him, in the capacity of a friend, to take care of his honour, which could not fail to suffer in the opinion of the world, if he allowed him- self to be insulted with impunity, by one so much his inferior in every degree of consideration. The physician assured him that Pallet had hitherto esca- ped chastisement, by being deemed an object unworthy his resentment, and in consideration of the wretch's family, for which his compassion was interested ; but that repeated in- juries would inflame the most benevolent disposition ; and although he could find no precedent of duelling among the Greeks and Romans, whom he considered as the patterns of PEREGRINE PICKLE. 865 demeanour, Pallet should no longer avail himself of his vene- ration for the ancients, but be punished for the very next of- fence he should commit. Having thus spirited up the doctor to a resolution from which he could not decently swerve, our adventurer acted the incendiary with the other party also : giving him to under- stand, that the physician treated his character with such con- tempt, and behaved to him with such insolence, as no gentle- man ought to bear : that, for his own part, he was every day put out of countenance by their mutual animosity, which ap- peared in nothing but vulgar expressions, more becoming shoe-boys and oyster-women than men of honour and edu- cation ; and therefore he should be obliged, contrary to his inclination, to break off all correspondence with them both, if they would not fall upon some method to retrieve the dig- nity of their characters. These representations would have had little effect upon the timidity of the painter, who was likewise too much of a Gre- cian to approve of single combat in any other way than that of boxing, an exercise in which he was well skilled, had they not been accompanied with an insinuation, that his antago- nist was no Hector, and that he might humble him into any concession, without running the least personal risk. Ani- mated by this assurance, our second Rubens set the trumpet of defiance to his mouth, swore he valued not his life a rush, ■when his honour was concerned, and entreated Mr Pickle to be the bearer of a challenge, which he would instantly commit to writing. The mischievous fomenter highly applauded this manifest- ation of courage, by which he was at liberty to cultivate his friendship and society, but declined the office of carrying the billet, that his tenderness of Pallet's reputation might not be misinterpreted into an officious desire of promoting quarrels. At the same time he recommended Tom Pipes, not only as a very proper messenger on this occasion, but also as a trusty second in the field. The magnanimous painter took his ad- vice, and, retiring to his chamber, penned a challenge in these terms : 366 THE ADVENTURES OF * Sir, — When I am heartily provoked, I fear not the devil him- self; much less 1 will not call you a pedantic coxcomb, nor an unmannerly fellow, because these are the hippethets of the wulgar ; but, remember, such as you are, I nytlier love you nor fear you; but, on the contrary, expect satisfaction for your auda- cious behaviour to me on divers occasions ; and will, this evening, in the twilight, meet you on the ramparts with sword and pistol, where the Lord have mercy on the soul ofoneof us, for your body shall find no favour with your incensed defier, till death, * Layman Pallet.' This resolute defiance, after having been submitted to the perusal, and honoured with the approbation of our youth, was committed to the charge of Pipes, who, according to his orders, delivered it in the afternoon ; and brought for an- swer, that the physician would attend him at the appointed time and place. The challenger was evidently discomposed at the unexpected news of this acceptance, and ran about the house in great disorder, in quest of Peregrine, to beg his further advice and assistance; but understanding that the youth was engaged in private with his adversary, he began to suspect some collusion, and cursed himself for his folly and precipitation. He even entertained some thoughts of retract- ing his invitation, and submitting to the triumph of his anta- gonist : but before he would stoop to this opprobrious con- descension, he resolved to try another expedient, which might be the means of saving both his character and person. In this hope he visited Mr Jolter, and very gravely desired he would be so good as to undertake the office of his second in a duel which he was to fight that evening with the physician. The governor, instead of answering his expectation, in ex- j)ressing fear and concern, and breaking forth into exclama- tions of « good God ! gentlemen ! what d'ye mean ? You shall not murder one another while it is in my power to pre- vent your purpose. I will go directly to the governor of the place, who shall interpose his authority.' I say, instead of these and other friendly menaces of prevention, Jolter heard the proposal with the most phlegmatic tranquillity, and ex- cused himself from accepting the honour he intended for him, on account of his character and situation, which would not PEKEGRINE PICKLE. 367 permit him to be concerned in any such rencounters. In- deed this mortifying reception was owing to a previous hint from Peregrine, who, dreading some sort of interruption from his governor, had made him acquainted with his design, and assured him, that the affair should not be brought to any dangerous issue. Thus disappointed, the dejected challenger w as overwhelm- ed with perplexity and dismay ; and, in the terrors of death or mutilation, resolved to deprecate the wrath of his enemy, and conform to any submission he should propose, when he was accidentally encountered by our adventurer, who, with demonstrations of infinite satisfaction, told him in confi- dence, that his billet had thrown the doctor into an agony of consternation ; that his acceptance of his challenge was a mere effort of despair, calculated to confound the ferocity- of the sender, and dispose him to listen to terms of accommo- dation ; that he had imparted the letter to him, with fear and trembling, on pretence of engaging him as a second, but, in reality, with a view of obtaining his good offices in promoting a reconciliation : ' but perceiving the situation of his mind,' added our hero, ' I thought it would be more for your honour to baffle his expectation, and therefore I readily undertook the task of attending him to the field, in full assurance that he will there humble himself before you, even to prostration. In this security you may go and pre- pare your arms, and bespeak the assistance of Pipes, who will squire you in the field, while I keep myself up, that our correspondence may not be suspected by the physician.' Pal- let's spirits, that were sunk to dejection, rose at this encourage- ment to all the insolence of triumph ; he again declared his contempt of danger ; and his pistols being loaded and accom- modated with new flints, by his trusty armour-bearer, he waited, without flinching, for the hour of battle. On the first approach of twilight, somebody knocked at his door, and Pipes having opened it at his desire, he heard the voice of his antagonist pronounce, — ' tell ^Ir Pallet, that I am going to the place of appointment.' The painter was not a little surprised at this anticipation, which so ill agreed 368 THE ADVENTURES OV with the information he had received from Pickle ; and his concern beginning to recur, he fortified himself with a large bumper of brandy, which, however, did not overcome the anxiety of his thoughts. Nevertheless, he set out on the ex- pedition with his second, betwixt whom and himself the fol- lowing dialogue passed, in their way to the ramparts. — ' Mr Pipes,' said the painter, with disordered accent, ' methinks the doctor was in a pestilent hurry with that message of his.' * Ey, ey,' answered Tom, ' I do suppose he longs to be foul of you.' ' What ! ' replied the other, ' d'ye think he thirsts after my blood ?' ' To be sure a does,' said Pipes, thrusting a large quid of tobacco in his cheek with great deliberation. ' If that be the case,' cried Pallet, beginning to shake, ' he is no better than a cannibal, and no christian ought to fight him on equal footing.' Tom observing his emotion, eyed him with a frown of indignation, saying, ' You an't afraid, are you.?' ' God forbid !' replied the challenger, stammering with fear, ' what should I be afraid of.? the worst he can do is to take my life, and then he'll be answerable both to God and man for the murder : don't you think he will .^' * I think no such matter,' answered the second : * if so be as how he puts a brace of bullets through your i)ows, and kills you fairly, it is no more murder than if I was to bring down a noddy from the main top-sail-yard.' By this time Pallet's teeth chattered with such violence, that he coidd scarce pronounce this reply — ' Mr Thomas, you seem to make very light of a man's life ; but I trust in the Almighty I shall not be so easily brought down. Sure many a man has fought a duel without losing his life. Do you imagine that I run such a hazard of falling by the hand of my adversary ?' ' You may or you may not,' said the unconcerned Pipes, ' just as it happens. What then ! death is a debt that every man owes, according to the song ; and if you set foot to foot, I think one of you must go to pot.' * Foot to foot !' exclaim- ed the terrified painter, 'that's downright butchery ; and I'll be damn'd before I fight any man on earth in such a barbarous way. What ! d'ye take me to be a savage beast?' This declaration he made while they ascended the ramparts. PEREGRINE TICKLE. SG9 His attendant perceiving the physician and his second at the distance of an hundred paces before them, gave him notice of their appearance, and advised him to make ready, and behave like a man. Pallet in vain endeavoured to con- ceal his panic, which discovered itself in an universal trepi- dation of body, and the lamentable tone in which he answer- ed this exhortation of Pipes, saying, — ' I do behave like a man ; but you would have me act the part of a brute. — Are they coming this way ?"* When Tom told him that they had faced about, and admonished him to advance, the nerves of his arm refused their office, he could not hold out his pistol, and instead of going forward, retreated with an insensibility of motion ; till Pipes, -placing himself in the rear, set his own back to thafcof his praicipal, and swore he should not budge an inch farther in that direction. • While the valet thus tutored the painter, his master enjoy- ed the terrors of the physician, which were more ridiculous than those of Pallet, because he was more intent upon dis- guising them. His declaration to Pickle in the mornin^ vvould not suffer him to start any objections, when he received the challenge ; and finding that the young gentleman made no offer of mediating the affair, but rather congratulated him on the occasion, when he communicated the painter's billet, all his efforts consisted in oblique hints, and general reflec- tions upon the absurdity of dueUing, which was first intro- duced among civilized nations by the barbarous Huns and Langobards. He likewise pretended to ridicule the use of fire arms, wliich confounded all the distinctions of skill and address, and deprived a combatant of the opportunity of signalizing his personal prowess. Pickle assented to the justness of his observations ; but, at the same time, represented the necessity of complying with the customs of this world (ridiculous as they were), on which a man''s honour and reputation depend. So that, seeing no hopes of profiting by that artifice, the republican's agitation became more and more remarkable ; and he proposed, in plain terms, that they should contend in armour, like the combat- ants of ancient days; for it was but reasonable that they Vol. II. A a 870 THE ADVENTURES OF should practise the manner of fighting, since they adopted the disposition of those iron times. Notliing conld have afforded more diversion to our hero than the sight of two such dueUists cased in iron ; and he wished that he had promoted the quarrel in Brussels, where he could have hired the armour of (Charles the V. and the valiant Duke of Parma, for their accommodation ; but as there was no possibility of furnishing them cap-a-pee at Antwerp, he persuaded him to conform to the modern use of the sword, and meet the painter on his own terms ; and suspecting that his fear would supply him with other excuses for declining the combat, he comforted him with some distant insinuations, to the prejudice of his adversary's courage, which would, in all probabilit)^, evaporate before any mischief could happen. Notwithstanding this encouragement, he could not sup- press the reluctance with which he went to the field, and cast many a wishful look over his left shoulder, to see whether or not his adversary was at his heels. When, by the advice of his second, he took possession of the ground, and turned about with his face to the enemy, it was not so dark, but that Peregrine could perceive the unusual paleness of his counte- nance, and the sweat standing in large drops upon his fore- head ; nay, there was a manifest disorder in his speech, when he regretted his want of the pila and parma, with which he would have made a rattling noise, to astonish his foe, in springing forward, and singing the hymn to battle, in the manner of the ancients. In the meantime, observing the hesitation of his antagonist, who, far from advancing, seemed to recoil, and even struggle with his second, he guessed the situation of the painter's thoughts, and collecting all the manhood that he possessed, seized the opportunity of profiting by his enemy's consterna- tion. Striking his sword and pistol together, he advanced in a sort of trot, raising a loud howl, in which he repeated, in lieu of the Spartan song, part of the strophe from one of Pindar's Pythia, beginning with ek theongar makanai pasai Brotcais a?-etais, Sfc. This imitation of the Greeks had all the desired effect upon the painter, who seeing the physician run- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 371 ning towards him like a fury, with a pistol in his right hand, which was extended, and hearing the dreadful yell he utter- ed, and the outlandish words he pronounced, was seized with an universal palsy of his limbs. He would have dropped down upon the ground, had not Pipes supported and encou- raged him to stand upon his defence. The doctor, contrary to his expectation, finding that he had not flinched from the spot, though he had now performed one half of his ca- reer, put in practice the last effort, by firing his pistol, the noise of which no sooner reached the ears of the affrighted painter, than he recommended his soul to God, and roared for mercy with great vociferation. The republican, overjoyed at this exclamation, command- ed him to yield, and surrender his arms, on pain of immediate death ; upon which he threw away his pistols and sword, in spite of all the admonitions and even threats of his second, who left him to his fate, and went up to his master, stop- ping his nose with signs of loathing and abhorrence. The victor, having won the spolia opima, granted him his life, on condition that he would on his knees supplicate his pardon, acknowledging himself inferior to his conqueror in every virtue and qualification, and promise for the future to merit his favour by submission and respect. These insolent terms were readily embraced by the unfortunate challenger, who fairly owned, that he was not at all calculated for the purposes of war, and that henceforth he would contend with no weapon but his pencil. He begged, with great humility, that Mr Pickle would not think the worse of his morals for this defect of courage, which was a natural infirmity in- herited from his father, and suspend his opinion of his ta- lents, until he should have an opportunity of contemplating the charms of his Cleopatra, which would be finished in less than three months. Our hero observed, with an affected air of displeasure, that no man could be justly condemned for being subject to the impressions of fear ; and therefore his cowardice might easily be forgiven; but there was something so presumptuous, dis- honest, and disingenuous, in arrogating a quality to which 372 THE ADVENTURES OF he knew he had not the smallest pretension, that he could not forget his misbehaviour all at once, though he would conde- scend to communicate with him as formerly, in hopes of see- ing a reformation in his conduct. Pallet protested, that there was no dissimulation in the case ; for he was ignorant of his own weakness, until his resolution was put to the trial : he faithfully promised to demean himself, during the remaining part of the tour, with that conscious modesty and penitence which became a person in his condition ; and, for the present, implored the assistance of Mr Pipes, in disembarrassing him from the disagreeable consequence of his fear. CHAPTER LXIV. The doctor exults in his victory — they set out for Rotterdam^ ichere they are entertained by tzco Dutch gentlemen in a yacht, which is overturned in the Maese, to the manifest hazard of the painters life — they spend the evening with their entertainers, and next day visit a cabinet of curio- sities. X CM was accordingly ordered to minister to his occasions ; and the conqueror, elated with his success, which he in a great measure attributed to his manner of attack, and the hymn which he howled, told Peregrine, that he was now convinced of the truth of what Pindar sung in these words, — Ossa de me pephileJce Zens atuzontai Boan Pieridon aionta ; for he had no sooner begun to repeat the mellifluent strains of that divine poet, than the wretch his antagonist was confounded, and his nerves unstrung. On their return to the inn he expatiated on the prudence and tranquillity of his own behaviour, and ascribed the con- sternation of Pallet to the remembrance of some crime that lay heavy upon his conscience ; for, in his opinion, a man of virtue and common sense could not possibly be afraid of death, which is not only the peaceful harbour that receives him shattered on the tempestuous sea of life, but also the eternal seal of his fame and glory, which it is no longer in his power to forfeit and forego. He lamented his fate, in be- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 873 ing doomed to live in such degenerate days, when war is be- come a mercenary trade ; and ardently wished, that the day would come, when he should have such an opportunity of signalizing his courage in the cause of liberty, as that of Marathon, where an handful of Athenians, fighting for their freedom, defeated the whole strength of the Persian empire. ' Would to heaven,' said he, ' my muse were blessed with an occasion to emulate that glorious testimony on the trophy in Cyprus, erected by Cimon, for two great victories gained on the same day over the Persians by sea and land ; in which it is very remarkable, that the* greatness of the occasion has raised the manner of expression abqve the usual simplicity and modesty, of all other ancient inscriptions.'' He then re- peated it with all the pomp of declamation, and signified his hope, that the French would one day invade us with such an army as that which Xerxes led into Greece, that it might be in his power to devote himself, like Leonidas, to the free- dom of his country. This memorable combat being thus determined, and every thing that was remarkable in Antwerp surveyed, they sent their baggage down the Scheldt to Rotterdam, and set out for the same place in a post waggon, which that same even- ing brought them in safety to the banks of the Maese. They put up at an English house of entertainment, remarkable for the modesty and moderation of the landlord ; and next morn- ing the doctor went in person to deliver letters of recommen- dation to two Dutch gentlemen from one of his acquaintance at Paris. Neither of them happened to be at home when he called ; so that he left a message at their lodgings, with his address ; and in the afternoon they waited upon the com- pany, and, after many hospitable professions, one of the two invited them to spend the evening at his house. Meanwhile they had provided a pleasure yacht, in which they proposed to treat them with an excursion upon the Maese. This _b*eing almost the only diversion that place af- fords, our young gentleman relished the proposal ; and, not- withstanding the remonstrances of INIr Jolter, who declined the voyage on account of the roughness of the weather, they 874 THE ADVENTUREo OF went on board without hesitation, and found a collation pre- pared in the cabin. While tlicy tacked to and fro in the river, under the impulse of a mackarel breeze, the physician expressed his satisfaction, and Pallet was ravished with the entertainment. But the wind increasing, to the unspeak- able joy of the Dutchmen, who had now an opportunity of shewing their dexterity in the management of the vessel, the guests found it inconvenient to stand upon deck, and im- possible to sit below, on account of the clouds of tobacco smoke whicli rolled from the pipes of their entertainers, in such volumes as annoyed them even to the hazard of suffo- cation. This fumigation, together with the extraordinary motion of the ship, began to affect the head and stomach of the painter, who begged earnestly to be set on shore : but the Dutch gentlemen, who had no idea of his sufferings, in- sisted, with surprising obstinacy of regard, upon his staying until he should see an instance of the skill of their mariners ; and, bringing him on deck, commanded the men to carry the vesseFs lee gun-wall under water. This nicety of navi- gation they instantly performed, to the admiration of Pickle, the discomposure of the doctor, and terror of Pallet, who blessed himself from the courtesy of a Dutchman, and pray- ed to heaven for his deliverance. While the Hollanders enjoyed the reputation of this feat, and the distress of the painter at the same time, the yacht was overtaken by a sudden squall, that overset her in a moment, and flung every man overboard into the INIaese, before they could have the least warning of their fate, much less time to provide against the accident. Peregrine who was an expert swimmer, reached the shore in safey ; the physician, in the agonies of despair, laid fast hold on the trunk-breeches of one of the men, who dragged him to the other side ; the enter- tainers landed on the bomb-keys, smoking their pipes all the way with great deliberation; and the poor painter must have gone to the bottom, had not he been encountered by the cable of a ship that lay at anchor near the scene of their disaster. Though his senses had forsaken him, his hands fastened by instinct on this providential occurrence, which PEREGRINE PICKLE. 375 he held with such a convulsive grasp, that when a boat was sent out to bring him on shore, it was with the utmost diffi- culty that his fingers were disengaged. He was carried in- to a house, deprived of the use of speech, and bereft of all sensation ; and, being suspended by the heels, a vast quanti- ty of water run out of his mouth. . This evacuation being made, he began to utter dreadful groans which gradually increased to a continued roar ; and, after he had regained the use of his senses, he underwent a delirium that lasted several hours. As for the treaters, they never dreamed of expressing the least concern to Pickle or the physician for what had happened, because it was an accident so common as to pass without notice. Leaving the care of the vessel to the seamen, the company retired to their respective lodgings, in order to shift their clothes ; and in the evening our travellers were conducted to the house of their new friend, who, with a view of making his invitation the more agreeable, had assembled to the num- ber of twenty or thirty Englishmen, of all ranks and de- grees, from the merchant to the periwigmaker's 'prentice. In the midst of this congregation stood a chafing dish with live coals, for the convenience of lighting their pipes, and every individual was accommodated with a spitting-box. There was not a mouth in the apartment unfurnished with a tube, so that they resembled a congregation of chimeras breathing fire and smoke ; and our gentlemen were fain to imitate their example in their own defence. It is not to be supposed that the conversation was either very sprightly or polite ; the whole entertainment was of the Dutch cast, frowzy and phlegmatic ; and our adventurer, as he returned to his lodging, tortured with the headach, and disgusted with every circumstance of his treatment, cursed the hour in which the doctor had saddled them witli such trouble- some companions. Next morning, by eight o'clock these polite Hollanders returned the visit, and, after breakfast, attended their Eng- lish friends to the house of a person that possessed a very curious cabinet of curiosities, to which they had secured our 37G THE ADVENTURES OF company's admission. The owner of tills collection was a cheesemonger, who received them in a woollen night-cap, Tvith straps buttoned under his chin. As he understood na language but his own, he told them, by the canal of one of their conductors, that he did not make a practice of shewing his curiosities ; but understanding that they were English- men, and recommended to his friends, he was content to submit them to their perusal. So saying, he led them up a dark stair, into a small room, decorated with a few paltry figures in plaster of Paris, two or three misera))le landscapes, the skins of an otter, seal, and some fishes, stuffed ; and in one corner stood a glass-case, furnished with newts, frogs, lizards, and serpents, preserved in spirits; a human foetus, a calf with two heads, and about two dozen of butterflies pinned upon paper. The virtuoso having exhibited these particulars, eyed the strangers with a look soliciting admiration and applause ; and as he could not perceive any symptom of cither in their ges- tures or countenances, withdrew a curtain, and displayed a "Wainscot chest of drawers, in which, he gave them to un- derstand, was something that would agreeably amuse the imagination. Our travellers, regaled with this notice, im- agined that they would be entertained with the sight of some cm-ious medals, or other productions of antiquity ; but how were they disappointed, when they saw nothing but a varie- ty of shells, disposed in whimsical figures, in each drawer ! After he had detained them full two hours with a tedious com- mentary upon the shape, size, and colour of each depart- ment, he, with a supercilious simper, desired that the Eng- lish gentlemen would frankly and candidly declare, whether his cabinet or that of Mynheer Sloane at London, was the most valuable. When this request was signified in English to the company, the painter instantly exclaimed, ' By the Lard ! they are not to be named of a day ; and, as for that matter, I would not give one corner of Saltero's coffeehouse at Chelsea for all the trash he hath shewn.'' Peregrine, un- willing to mortify any person who had done his endeavour to please him, observed, that what he had seen was very cu- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 61 1 rious and entertaining ; but that no private collection in Eu- rope wns equal to that of Sir Hans Sloane, which, exclusive of presents, had cost an hundred thousand pounds. The two conductoi-s were confounded at this asseveration, which being communicated to the cheesemonger, he shook his head with a significant grin ; and, though he did not choose to express his incredulity in words, gave our hero to under- stand, that he did not much depend upon his veracity. From the house of this Dutch naturalist, they were dragged all round the city by the ])ainful civility of their at- tendants, who did not quit them till the evening was well advanced, and then not till after they had promised to be with them before ten o'clock next day, in order to conduct them to a country house, situated in a pleasant village on the other side of the river. Pickle was already so much fatigued with their hospitali- ty, that, for the first time of his life, he suffered a dejection of spirits ; and resolved, at any rate, to avoid the threatened persecution of to morrow. With this view, he ordered his servants to pack up some clothes and linen in a portmanteau ; and in the morning embarked, with his governor, in the treckskuyt, for the Hague, whither he pretended to be call- ed by some urgent occasion, leaving his fellow-travellers to make his apology to their friends ; and assuring them, that he would not proceed for Amsterdam without their society. He arrived at the Hague in the forenoon, and dined at an ordinary frequented by officers and people of fashion ; where being informeci that the princess would see company in the evening, he dressed himself in a rich suit of the Parisian cut, and went to court, without any introduction. A person of his appearance could not fail to attract the notice of such a small circle. The prince himself, understanding he was an Englishman and a stranger, went up to him without cere- mony, and, having welcomed him to the place, conversed with him for some minutes on the common topics of dis- course. 37S THE ADVENTURES OF CHAPTER LXV. They proceed to the Hague, from whence they depart for Amsterdam, where they see a Dutch tragedy — visit the music-house^ in which Peregrine quarrels with the captain of a man of xcar — they pass through Haerlem in their way to Leydcn — return to Rotterdam, zohere the company separates, and our hero, with his attendants, arrive in safety at Harwich. Jdeing joined by their fellow-travellers in the morning, they made a tour to all the remarkable places in this celebrated village; saw the foundery. the stadthouse, the spinhuys, Vauxhall, and Count Bentinck's gardens, and in the evening vent to the French comedy, which was directed by a noted harlequin, who had found means to flatter the Dutch taste so effectually, that they extolled him as the greatest actor that ever appeared in the province of Holland. This famous company did not represent regular theatrical pieces, but only a sort of impromptus, in which this noted player always performed the greatest part of the entertainment. Among other sallies of wit that escaped him, there was one circum- stance so remarkably adapted to the disposition and genius of his audience, that it were pity to pass it over in silence. A windmill being exhibited on the scene. Harlequin, after having surveyed it with curiosity and admiration, asks one of the millers the use of that machine ; and being told that it was a windmill, observed, with some concern, that as there was not the least breath of wind, he could not have the plea- sure of seeing it turn round. Urged by this consideration, he puts himself into the attitude of a person wrapt in pro- found meditation ; and having continued a few seconds in this posture, runs to the miller with great eagerness and joy, and telling him that he had found an expedient to make his mill work, very fairly unbuttons his breeches ; then present- ing his posteriors to the sails of the machine, certain ex- plosions are immediately heard, and the arms of the mill begin to turn round, to the infinite satisfaction of the spec- tators, who approve the joke with loud peals of applause. Our travellers staid a few days at the Hague, during PEREGRINE PICKLE. 3T9 which the young gentleman waited on the British ambassa- dor, to whom he was recommended by his excellency at Paris, and lost about thirty guineas at billiards to a French adven- turer, who decoyed him into the snare by keeping up his game. Then they departed in a post-waggon for Amsterdam, being provided with letters of introduction to an English merchant residing in that city, under whose auspices they visited every thing worth seeing, and, among other excur- sions, went to see a Dutch tragedy acted ; an entertainment which, of all others, had the strangest effect upon the organs of our hero ; the dress of their chief personages was so untie, their manner so awkwardly absvnd, and their language so ridiculously unfit for conveying the sentiments of love and honour, that Peregrine's nerves were diuretically aiFected with the complicated absurdity, and he was compelled to withdraw twenty times before the catastrophe of the piece. The subject of this performance was the famous story of Scipio's continence and virtue in restoring the fair captive to her lover. The young Roman hero was represented by a broad-faced Batavian, in a burgomaster''s gown and a fur cap, sitting smoking his pipe at a table furnished with a can of beer, a drinking glass, and a plate of tobacco ; the lady was such a person as Scipio might very well be supposed to give away, without any great effort of generosity ; and indeed the Celtiberian prince seemed to be of that opinion ; for, upon receiving her from the hand of the victor, he dis- covered none of those transports of gratitude and joy which Livy describes in recounting this event. The Dutch Scipio, however, was complaisant enough in his way ; for he de- sired her to sit at his right hand, by the appellation of ya frow^ and, with his own fingers, filling a clean pipe, pre- sented it to Mynheer Alucio, the lovur. The rest of the economy of the piece was in the same taste ; which was so agreeable to the audience, that they seemed to have shaken off their natural phlegm, in order to applaud the performance. From the play our company adjourned to the house of their friend, where they spent the evening ; and the conver- sation turning upon poetry, a Dutchman who was present. SSO THE ADVENTUBES OP and understood the English language, having listened very attentively to the discourse, lifted up with both hands the fi-eatest part of a Cheshire cheese that lay upon the table, saying, — ' I do know vat is boeter. Mine brotre be a great boet, and ave vrought a book as dick as all dat.' Pickle, diverted with this method of estimating an author according to the quantity of his works, inquired about the subjects of this bard's writings ; but of these his brother could give no account, or other information, but that there was little market for the commodity, which hung heavy upon his hands, and induced him to wish he had applied himself to another trade. The only remarkable scene in Amsterdam, which our com- pany had not seen, was the Spuyl, or music-houses, which, by the connivance of the magistrates, are maintained for the recreation of those who might attempt the chastity of cre- ditable women, if they were not provided with such conve- niences. To one of these night-houses did our travellers repair, under the conduct of the English merchant, and were introduced into such another place as the ever memorable coffee-house of Moll King ; with this difference, that the company here were not so riotous as the bucks of Covent Garden, but formed themselves into a circle, within which some of the number danced to the music of a scurvy organ and a few other instruments, that uttered tunes very suitable to the disposition of the hearers, while the whole apartment was shrouded with clouds of smoke impervious to the view. When our gentleman entered, the floor was occupied by two females and their gallants, who, in the performance of their exercise, lifted their legs like so many oxen at plough ; and the pipe of one of those hoppers happening to be ex- hausted, in the midst- of his sarabrand, he very deliberately drew forth his tobacco-box, filling and lighting it again, without any interruption to the dance. Peregrine, being unchecked by the presence of his governor, who was too tender of his own reputation to attend them in this expedi- tion, made up to a sprightly French girl who sat in seeming expectation of a customer, and, prevailing upon her to be his partner, led her into the circle, and, in his turn, cook the op- PEREGRINE PICKLE, 381 portunity of dancing a minuet, to the admiration of all pre- sent. He intended to have exhibited another specimen of his ability in this art, when a captain of a Dutch man of war chancing to come in, and seeing a stranger engaged with the lady whom, it seems, he had bespoke for his bed-fellow, he advanced without any ceremony, and seizing her by the arm, pulled her to the other side of the room. Our adven- turer, who was not a man to put up with such a brutal af- front, followed the ravisher with indignation in his eyes ; and pushing him on one side, retook the subject of their contest, and led her back to the place from whence she had been dragged. The Dutchman, enraged at the youth's presump- tion, obeyed the first dictates of his choler, and lent his rival a hearty box on the ear ; which was immediately repaid with interest, before our hero could recollect himself sufficiently to lay his hand upon his sword, and beckon the aggressor to the door. Notwithstanding the confusion and disorder which this affair produceti in the room, and the endeavours of Pickle's company, who interposed in order to prevent bloodshed, the antagonists reached the street ; and Peregrine, drawing, was surprised to see the captain advance against him with a long knife, which he preferred to the sword that hung by his side. The youth, confounded at this preposterous behaviour, de- sired him, in the French tongue, to lay aside that vulgar implement, and approach like a gentleman : but the Hol- lander, who neither understood the proposal, nor would have complied with his demand, had he been made acquainted with his meaning, rushed forward like a desperado, before his adversary could put himself on his guard ; and if the young gentleman had not been endowed with surprising agi- lity, his nose would have fallen a sacrifice to the fury of the assailant. Finding himself in such imminent jeopardy, he leaped to ong side, and the Dutchman passing him, in the force of his career, he, with one nimble kick, made such application to his enemy's heels, that he flew like lightning into the canal, where he had almost perished by pitching iipou one of the posts with which it is faced. C83 THE ADVENTURES OF Peregrine having performed this exploit, did not stay for the captain's coming on sliore, but retreated with all dispatch, by the advice of his conductor : and next day embarked, Tvith his companions, in the skuyt, for Haerlem, where they dined, and, in the evening, arrived at the ancient city of Leyden, where they met with some English students, who treated them with great hospitality : not but that the har- mony of the conversation was that same night interrupted, by a dispute that arose between one of those young gentle- men and the physician, about the cold and hot methods of prescription in the gout and rheumatism ; and proceeded to such a degree of mutual reviling, that Pickle, ashamed and incensed at his fellow-travellers' want of urbanity, espoused the other's cause, and openly rebuked him for his unman- nerly petulance, which (he said) rendered him unfit for the purposes, and unworthy of the benefit, of society. This unexpected declaration overwhelmed the doctor with amaze- ment and confusion ; he was instantaneously deprived of his speech, and, during the remaining part of the night, sat in silent mortification. In all probability, he deliberated with himself, whether or not he should expostulate with the young gentleman on the freedom he had taken with his character in a company of strangers ; but as he knew he had not a Pallet to deal with, he very prudently suppressed that sug- gestion, and in secret chewed the cud of resentment. After they had visited the physic garden, the university, the anatomical hall, and every other thing that was recom- mended to their view, they returned to Rotterdam, and held a consultation upon the method of transporting themselves to England. The doctor, whose grudge against Peregrine was rather inflamed than allayed by our hero's indifference and neglect, had tampered with the simplicity of the painter, who was proud of his advances towards a perfect reconcilia- tion ; and now took the opportunity of parting with our ad- venturer by declaring that he and his friend Mr Pallet were resolved to take their passage in a trading sloop, after he had heard Peregrine object against that tedious, disagreeable, and uncertain method of conveyance. Pickle immediately saw PEREGRINE PICKLE. S83 his intention ; and without using the least argument to dis- suade them from their design, or expressing the smallest de- gree of concern at their separation, very coolly wished them a prosperous voyage, and ordered his baggage to be sent to Helvoetsluys. There he himself and his retinue went on board of the packet next day, and, by the favour of a fair wind, in eighteen hours arrived at Harwich. CHAPTER LXVI. Peregrine delivers his letters of recommendation at London, and returns to the ga7-risony to the unspealcable Joy of the commodore and his whole family. IN ow that our hero found himself on 'English ground, his heart dilated with the proud recollection of his own improve- ment since he left his native soil. He bejjan to recognize the interesting ideas of his tender years ; he enjoyed by anti- cipation the pleasure of seeing his friends in the garrison, after an absence of eighteen months ; and the image of his charming Emily, which other less worthy considerations had depressed, resumed the full possession of his breast. He re- membered, with shame, that he had neglected the corres- pondence with her brother, which he himself had solicited, and in consequence of which he had received a letter from that young gentleman, while he lived at Paris. In spite of these conscientious reflections, he was too self-suflicient to think he should find any difficulty in obtaining forgiveness for such sins of omission ; and began to imagine, that his passion would be prejudicial to the dignity of his situation, if it could not be gratified upon terms which formerly his imagination durst not conceive. Sorry I am, that the task I have undertaken, lays me un- der the necessity of divulging this degeneracy in the senti- ments of our imperious youth, who was now in the heyday of his blood, flushed with the consciousness of his own qua- lifications, vain of his fortune, and elated on the wings of imaginary expectation. Though he was deeply enamoured 384i THE ADVENTURES OF of Miss Gauntlet, he was far from proposing her heart as the ultimate' aim of his gallantry, which (he did not doubt) would triumph over the most illustrious females of the land, and at once regale his appetite and ambition. Meanwhile, being willing to make his appearance at the garrison equally surprising and agreeable, he cautioned Mr Jolter against writing to the commodore, who had not heard of them since their departure from Paris, and hired a post- chaise and horses for London. The governor going out to give orders about the carriage, inadvertently left a paper book open upon the table ; and his pupil, casting his eye up- on the page, chanced to read these words. ' Sept. 15. Arrived in safety, by the blessing of God, in this unhappy kingdom of England. And thus concludes the journal of my last peregrination.' Peregrine's curiosity being inflamed by this extraordinary conclusion, he turned to the beginning, and perused several sheets of a diary, such as is commonly kept by that class of people known by the denomination of travelling governors, for the satisfaction of themselves and the parents or guardians of their pupils, and for the edifica- tion and entertainment of their friends. That the reader may have a clear idea of Mr Jolter's per- formance, we shall transcribe the transactions of one day as lie had recorded them ; and that abstract will be a sufficient specimen of the whole plan and execution of the work. ' May 3. At eight o'clock set out from Boulogne in a post- chaise — the morning hazy and cold. Fortified my stomach with a cordial. Recommended ditto to Mr P. as an antidote against the fog. Mem. He refused it. The hither horse greas- ed in the off-pastern of the hind leg. Arrive at Samers. Mem. This last was a post and a half, i. e. three leagues, or nine English miles. The day clears up. A fine cham- paign country,, well stored with corn. The postillion says his prayers in passing by a wooden crucifix upon the road. Mem. The horses staled in a small brook that runs in a bot- tom, betwixt two hills. Arrive at Cormont. A common post. A dispute with my pupil, who is obstinate, and swayed by an unlucky prejudice. Proceed to Montreuil, where we dine PEREGRINE PICKLE. 385 on choice pigeons. A very moderate charge. No chamber- pot in the room, owing to the negligence of the maid. This is an ordinary post. Set out again for Nampont. Trou- bled with flatulencies and in.'iigestion. Mr P. is sullen, and seems to mistake an eructation for the breaking of wind back- wards. From Naaipont depart for Bernay, at which place we arrive in the evening, and propose to stay all night. N. B. The two last are double posts, and our cattle very willing, though not strong. Sup on a delicate ragout and excellent partridges, in company with Mr H. and his spouse. Mem. The said H. trod upon my corn by mistake. Dis- charge the bill, which is not very reasonable. Dispute with Mr P. about giving money to the servant : he insists upon my giving a twenty-four sols piece, which is too much by two thirds, in all conscience. N. B. She was a pert bag- gage, and did not deserve a hard."" Our hero was so much disobliged with certain circumstan- ces of this amusing and instructing journal, that by way of punishing the iiuthor, he mterlined these words betwixt two paragraphs, in a manner that exactly resembled the tutor's hand-writing. — ' Mem. Hud the pleasure of drinknig my- self into a sweet intoxication, by toasting our lawful king, and his royal family, among some worthy Eogiish fathers of the society of Jesus.' Having taken this revenge, he set out for London, where he waited upon those noblemen to whom he had letters of recommendation from Paris ; and was not only graciously received, but even loaded with caresses and profters of ser- vice, because they understood he was a young gentleman of fortune, who, far from standing in need of their counienaiice or assistance, would make an useful and creditable additioii to the number of their adherents. He had the honouf of dining at their tables, in consequence of pressing invitations, and of spending several evenings with the ladies, to whom he was particularly agreeable, on account of his person, address, and bleeding freely at play. Being thus initiated in the beau raonde, he thought it was high time to pay his respects to his generous benefactor, the Vol. //. B b G86 THE ADVENTURES OF commodore; and accordingly departed, one morning, with his train, for the garrison, at which he arrived in safety the same night. When he entered the gate, which was opened by a new servant that did not know him, he found his old friend Hatchway stalking in the yard, with a night-cap on his head, and a pipe in his mouth ; and, advancing to him^- took him by the hand, before he had any intimation of his approach. The lieutenant thus saluted by a stranger, stared at him in silent astonishment, till he recollected his features, which were no sooner known, than, dashing the pipe upon the pavement, he exclaimed, — ' Smite my cross-trees ! th'art welcome to port ;' and hugged him in his arms with great affection. He then, by a cordial squeeze, expressed his satisfaction at seeing his old shipmate Tom, who applying his whistle to his mouth, the whole castle echoed with his performance. The servants, hearing the well-known sound, poured out in a tumult of joy ; and, understanding that their young master was returned, raised such a peal of acclamation, as astonished the commodore and his lady, and inspired Julia with such an interesting presage, that her heart began to throb with violence. Running out in the hurry and pertur- bation of her hope, she was so much overwhelmed at sight of her brother, that she actually fainted in his arms. But from this trance she soon awaked ; and Peregrine, having testified his pleasure and affection, went up stairs, and pre- sented himself before his godfather and aunt. Mrs Trun- nion rose and received him with a gracious embrace, blessing God for his happy return from a land of impiety and vice, in which she hoped his morals had not been corrupted, nor his principles of religion altered or impaired. The old gen- tleman being confined to his chair, was struck dumb with pleasure at his appearance ; and, having made divers inef- fectual efforts to get up, at length discharged a volley of curses against his own limbs, and held out his hand to his godson, who kissed it with great respect. After he had finished his apostrophe to the gout, which was the daily and hourly subject of his execrations, — * Well, my PEREGRINE PICKLE. 887 lady said he, ' I care not how soon I go to the bottom, now I behold thee safe in harbour again ; and yet I tell a damn'd lie : I would I could keep afloat until I should see a lusty boy of thy begetting Odds my timbers ! I love thee so well, that I believe thou art the spawn of my own body ; though I can give no account of thy being put upon the stocks.' Then turning his eye upon Pipes, who by this time had penetrat- ed into his apartment, and addressed him with the usual salutation of — ' what cheer?' ' Ahey !' cried he, *are you there you herring-faced son of a sea-calf? what a slippery trick you played your old commander ! but come, you dog ! there's my fist : I forgive you, for the love you bear to my godson. Go, man your tackle, and hoist a cask of strong beer into the yard, knock out the bung, and put a pump in it, for the use of all my servants and neighbours ; and, d'ye hear, let the patereroes be fired, and the garrison illumi- nated, as rejoicings for the safe arrival of your master. By the Lord ! if T had the use of these damn'd shambling shanks, I would dance a hornpipe with the best of you.' The next object of his attention was Mr Jolter, who was honoured with particular marks of distinction, and the re- peated promise of enjoying the living in his gift, as an ac- knowledgment of the care and discretion with which he had superintended the education and morals of our hero. The governor was so affected by the generosity of his patron, that the tears ran down his cheeks, while he expressed his gra- titude, and the infinite satisfaction he felt, in contemplating the accomplishments of his pupil Meanwhile, Pipes did not neglect the orders he had receiv- ed : the beer was produced, the gates were thrown open tor the admission of all comers, the whole house was lighted up, and the patereroes were discharged in repeated volleys. Such phenomena could not fail to attract the notice of the neigh- bourhood. The club at Tunley s were astonished at the re- port of the guns, which produced various conjectures among the members of that sagacious society. The landlord obser- ved, that, in all likelihood, the commodore was visited by hobgoblins, and ordered the guns to be fired m token of dis- 388 THE ADVENTURES OF tress, as he had acted twenty years before, when he was an- noyed by the same grievance. The exciseman, with a wag- gish sneer, expressed liis apprehension of Trunnion's death, in consequence of whicli the patereroes might be discharged with an equivocal intent, either as signals of his lady's sor- row or rejoicing. The attorney signified a suspicion of Hatch- way's being married to Miss Pickle, and that the firing and illuminations were in honour of the nuptials ; upon which Gamaliel discovered some faint signs of emotion, and, taking the pipe from his mouth, gave it as his opinion, that his sister was brought to bed. While they were thus bewildered in the maze of their own imaginations, a company of countrymen, who sat drinking in the kitchen, and whose legs were more ready than their invention, sallied out to know the meaning of these exhibi- tions. Understanding that there was a butt of strong beer a-broach in the yard, to which they were invited by the ser- vants, they saved themselves the trouble and expense of re- turning to spend the evening at the public house, and listed themselves under the banner of Tom Pipes, who presided as director of this festival. T!ie news of Peregrine's return being communicated to the parish, the parson, and three or four neighbouring gentle- men, who were well-wishers to our hero, immediately repair- ed to the garrison, in order to pay their compliments on this happy event, and were detained to supper. An elegant en- tertainment was prepared by the direction of Miss Julia, who was an excellent housewife; and the commodore was so invigorated with joy, that he seemed to have renewed his age. Among those who honoured the occasion with his presence was Mr Clover, the young gentleman that made his addresses to Peregrine's sister. His heart was so big with his passion, that, while the restx)f the company were engrossed by their Cups, he seized an opportunity of our hero's being detached from the conversation, and, in the impatience of his love, conjured him to consent to his happiness ; protesting, that he would comply with any terms of settlement that a man of his fortune could embrace, in favour of a young lady who was absolute mistress of his affection. rETlECRINE rrcKLE. S89 Our youth thanked him very politely for his favourable sentiments and honourable intention towards his sister, and told him, that at present he saw no reason to obstruct his desire ; that he would consult Julia's own inclination, and confer with him about the means of gratifying his wish ; but, in the meantime, begged to be excused from discussing any point of such importance to them both. Reminding him of the jovial purpose on which they were happily met, he promoted such a quick circulation of the bottle, that their mirth grew noisy and obstreperous ; they broke forth into repeated peals of laughter, without any previous incitement, except that of claret. These explosions were succeeded by Bacchanalian songs, in which the old gentleman himself at- tempted to bear a share ; the sedate governor snapped time with his fingers, and the parish priest assisted in the chorus, with a most expressive nakedness of countenance. Before midnight, they were almost all pinned to their chairs, as if they had been fixed by the power of enchantment ; and, what rendered the confinement still more unfortunate, every ser- vant in the house was in the same situation ; so that they were fain to take their repose as they sat, and nodded at each other like a congregation of anabaptists. Next day Peregrine communed with his sister on the sub- ject of her match with Mr Clover, who (she told him) had offered to settle a jointure of four hundred pounds, and take her to wife, without any expectation of a dowry. She more- over gave him to understand, that in his absence, she had received several messages from her mother, commanding her to return to her father's house ; but that she had refused to obey these orders, by the advice and injunction of her aunt and the commodore, which were indeed seconded by her own inclination ; because she had all the reason in the world to, believe, that her mother only wanted an opportunity of treating her with severity and rancour. The resentment of that lady had been carried to such indecent lengths, that, seeing her daughter at church one day, she rose up, before the parson entered, and reviled her with great bitterness, in the face of the whole congregation. 390 THE ADVENTURES Of CHAPTER LXVII. Sees his sister happily married — visits Emilia, who receives him according to his deserts. XlEE. brother being of opinion that Mr Clover's proposal was not to be neglected, especially as Julia's heart was en- gaged in his favour, communicated the affair to his uncle, who, with the approbation of Mrs Trunnion, declared him- self well satisfied with the young man's addresses, and de- sired that they might be buckled with all expedition, without the knowledge or concurrence of her parents, to whom (on ac- count of their unnatural barbarity) she was not bound to pay the least regard. Though our adventurer entertained the same sentiments of the matter, and the lover, dreading some obstruction, earnestly begged the immediate conde- scension of his mistress, she could not be prevailed upon to take such a material step, without having first solicited the permission of her father, resolving, nevertheless, to comply with the dictates of her own heart, should his objections be frivolous or unjust. Urged by this determination, her admirer waited upon Mr Gamaliel at the public-house, and, with the appearance of ^eat deference and respect, made him acquainted with his affection for his daughter, communicated the particulars of his fortune, with the terms of settlement he was ready to make ; and in conclusion told him, that he would marry her without a portion. This last offer seemed to have some weight with the father, who received it with civility, and promised in a day or two to favour him with a final answer to his demand. He, accordingly, that same evening con- sulted his wife ; who being exasperated at the prospect of her daughter's independency, argued with the most virulent ex- postulation against the match, as an impudent scheme of her own planning, with a view of insulting her parents, towards whom she had already been guilty of the most vi- cious disobedience. In short, she used such remonstrances, as not only averted this weak husband's inclination from the PEREGRINE PICKLE. 391 proposal which he had relished before, but even instigated him to apply for a warrant to apprehend his daughter, on the supposition that she was about to bestow herself in mar- riage without his privity or consent. The justice of peace, to whom this application was made, though he could not refuse the order, yet, being no stranger to the malevolence of the mother, which, together with Gamaliers simplicity, was notorious in the county, he sent an intimation of what had happened to the garrison ; upon which a couple of sentinels were placed on the gate, and, at the pressing solicitation of the lover, as well as the desire of the commodore, her brother, and aunt, Julia was wedded without further delay ; the ceremony being performed by Mr Jolter, because the parish priest prudently declined any occasion of giving offence, and the curate was too much in the interest of their enemies to be employed in that office. This domestic concern being settled to the satisfaction of our hero, he escorted her next day to the house of her hus- band, who immediately wrote a letter to her father, declar- ing his reasons for having thus superseded his authority ; and Mrs Pickle's mortification was unspeakable. That the new married couple might be guarded against all insult, our young gentleman and his friend Hatchway, with their adherents, lodged in Mr Clover's house for some weeks ; during which they visited their acquaintance in the neighbourhood, according to custom. When the tranquil- lity of their family was perfectly established, and the con- tract of marriage executed in the presence of the old com- modore and his lady, who gave her niece five hundred pounds to purchase jewels and clothes, Mr Peregrine could no longer restrain his impatience to see his dear Emily ; and told his uncle, that next day he proposed to ride across the country, in order to visit his friend Gauntlet, whom he had not heard of for a long time. The old gentleman, looking stedfastly in his face, — ' Ah ! damn your cunning !' — said he, ' I find the anchor holds fast ! I did suppose as how you would have slipt your cable and changed your birth ; but, I see, when a young fellow 392 THE ADVENTURES OF is once brought up by a pretty wench, he may man his cap- stans and viol block if he wool ; but he'll as soon heave up the Peak of TenerifFe, as brin^."^ his anchor aweigli ! Odds heartlikins ! had I known the young woman was Ned Gaunt- let's daughter, I shoulan't have thrown out a signal for leav- ing off chase.' Our adventurer was not a little surprised to hear the com- modore talk in this style ; and immediately conjectured that his friend Godfrey had informed him of the whole affair. Instead of listening to this approbation of his flame, with those transports of joy which he would have felt, had he re- tained his former sentiments, he was chagrined at Trunnion's declaration, and offended at the presumption of the young soldier, in presuming to disclose the secret with which he had intrusted him. Reddening with these reflections, he as- sured the commodore, that he never had serious thoughts of matrimony ; so that, if any person had told him he was under any engagement of that kind, he had abused his ear ; for he protested, that he would never contract such attach- ments, without his knowledge and express permission. Trunnion commended him for his prudent resolution, and observed, that, though no person mentioned to him what promises had passed betwixt him and his sweet-heart, it was very plain that he had made love to her ; and therefore, it was to be supposed that his intentions were honourable; for he could not believe he was such a rogue in his heart, as to endeavour to debauch the daughter of a brave officer, ■who had served his country with credit and reputation. Not- withstanding this remonstrance, which Pickle imputed to the commodore's ignorance of the world, he set out for the habi- tation of Mrs Gauntlet, with the unjustifiable sentiments of a man of pleasure, who sacrifices every consideration to the desire of his ruling appetite ; and, as Winchester lay in his way, resolved to visit some of his friends who lived in that place. It was in the house of one of these that he was intormed of Emilia's being then in town with her mo- ther ; upon which he excused himself from staying to drink tea, and immediately rejiaired to their lodgings, according to the directions he had received. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 393 When he arrived at the door, instead of undergoing that perturbation ot" spirits, which a lover in his interesting situa- tion might be supposed to feel, he suffered no emotion but that of vanity and pride, favoured with an opportunity of self-gratifi cation, and entered his Emilia's apartment with the air of a conceited petit maitre, rather than that of the respectful admirer, when he visits tlie object of his passion, after an absence of seventeen months. The young lady, having been very much disobliged at his mortifying neglect of her brother's letter, had summoned all her own pride and resolution to her aid ; and, by means of a happy disposition, so far overcame her chagrin at his indifference, that she was able to behave in his presence with apparent tranquillity and ease. She was even pleased to find he had, by accident, chosen a time for his visit when she was surrounded by two or three young gentlemen, who pro- fessed themselves her admirers. Our gallant was no sooner announced, than she collected all her coquetry, put on the gayest air she could assume, and contrived to giggle just as he appeared at the room door. The compliments of salu- tation being performed, she welcomed him to England in a careless manner, asked the news of Paris, and, before he could make any reply, desired one of the other gentlemen to proceed with the sequel of that comical adventure, in the relation of which he had been interrupted. Peregrine smiled within himself at this behaviour, which, (without all doubt,) he believed, she had affected to punish him for his unkind silence while he was abroad, being fully persuaded that her heart was absolutely at his devotion. On this supposition, he practised his Parisian improvements on the art of conversation, and uttered a thousand prettinesses in the way of compliment, with such incredible rotation of tongue, that his rivals were struck dumb with astonish- ment, and Emilia fretted out of all temper, at seeing herself deprived of the prerogative of the sex. He persisted, how- ever, in this surprising loquacity, until the rest of the com- pany thought proper to withdraw, and then contracted his discourse into the focus of love, which now put on a very 394j the adventures of different appearance from that wliich it had formerly worn. Instead of awful veneration, which her presence used to inspire, that chastity of sentiment, and deUcacy of expres- sion, he now gazed upon her with the eyes of a Ubertine ; he glowed with the impatience of desire, talked in a strain that barely kept within the bounds of decency, and attempt- ed to snatch such favours, as she, in the tenderness of mu- tual acknowledgment, had once vouchsafed to bestow. Grieved and oflended as she was, at this palpable altera- tion in his carriage, she disdained to remind him of his former deportment, and, with dissembled good humour, rallied him on the progress he had made in gallantry and address : but, far from submitting to the liberties he would have taken, she kept her person sacred from his touch, and would not even suffer him to ravish a kiss of her fair hand ; so that he reaped no other advantage from the exercise of his talents, during this interview, which lasted a whole hour, than that of knowing he had overrated his own importance, and that Emily's heart was not a garrison likely to surrender at discretion. At length his addresses were interrupted by the arrival of the mother, who had gone abroad to visit by herself; and the conversation becoming more general, he understood that Godfrey was at London, soliciting for a lieutenancy that had fallen vacant in the regiment to which he belonged ; and that Miss Sophy was at home with her fiathcr. Though our adventurer had not met with all the success he expected by his first visit, he did not despair of reduc- ing the fortress, believing that in time there would be a mutiny in his favour ; and, accordingly, carried on the siege for several days, without profiting by his perseverance ; till, at length having attended the ladies to their own house in the country, he began to look upon this adventure as time mis-spent, and resolved to discontinue his attack, in hopes of meeting with a more favourable occasion ; being, in the meantime, ambitious of displaying, in an higher sphere, those qualifications which his vanity told him were at pre- sent misapphed. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 395 CHAPTER LXVIII. He attends his uncle with great affection during a fit of illness — sets out again for London — meets with his friend God- frey, who is prevailed iipon to accompaiiy him to Bath ; on the road to which place they chance to dine with a person who entertains them with a curious account of (i certaiii company of adventurers. 1 Hus determined, he took leave of Emilia and her mo- ther, on pretence of going to London, upon some urgent bu- siness, and returned to the garrison, leaving the good old lady very much concerned, and the daughter incensed at his behaviour, which was the more unexpected, because God- frey had told them, that the commodore approved of his nephew's passion. Our adventurer found his uncle so ill of the gout, which, for the first time, had taken possession of his stomach, that his life was in imminent danger, and the whole family in disorder : he, therefore, took the reins of government in his own hands, sent for all the physicians in the neighbourhood, and attended him in person with the most affectionate care, during the whole fit, which lasted a fortnight, and then re- tired before the strength of his constitution. When the old gentleman recovered his health, he was so penetrated with Peregrine's behaviour, that he actually would have made over to him his whole fortune, and depended upon him for his own subsistence, had not our youth op- posed the execution of the deed with all his influence and might, and even persuaded him to make a will, in which his friend Hatchway, and all his other adherents, were libe- rally remembered, and his aunt provided for on her own terms. This material point being settled, he, with his uncle's permission, departed for London, after having seen the family affairs established under the direction and admi- nistration of Mr Joker and the lieutenant ; for, by this time, Mrs Trunnion was wholly occupied with her spiritual con- cerns. On his first arrival at London, he sent a card to the lod- gings of Gauntlet, in consequence of a direction from his 896 THE ADVENTURES OF mother; and that young gentleman waited on him next morning, though not with that alacrity of countenance and warmth of friendship which might have been expected from the intimacy of their former connection. Nor was Pere- grine himself actuated by the same unreserved affection for the soldier which he had formerly entertained. Godfrey, over and above the ofl'ence he had taken at Pickle"'s omis- sion in point of corresponding with him, had been informed by a letter from his mother, of the youth's cavalier behaviour to Emilia, during his last residence at Winchester ; and our young gentleman (as we have already observed) was dis- gusted at the supposed discovery which the soldier had made in his absence to the commodore. They perceived their mutual umbrage at meeting, and received each other with that civility of reserve which commonly happens between two persons when their friendship is in the wane. Gauntlet at once divined the cause of the other's displea- sure; and, in order to vindicate his own character, after the first compliments were passed, took the opportunity, on inquiring after the healtli of the commodore, to tell l*ere- grine, that, while he tarried at the garrison, on his return from Dover, the subject of the conversation one night hap- pening to turn on our hero's passion, the old gentleman had expressed his concern about that affair ; and, among other observations, said, he supposed the object of his love was some paltry hussy, whom he had picked up when he was a boy at school. Upon which Mr Hatchway assured him, that she was a young woman of as good a family as any in the coun- ty ; and, after having prepossessed him in her favour, ven- tured (out of the zeal of his friendship) to tell who she was : wherefore the discovery was not to be imputed to any other cause; and he hoped Mr Tickle would acquit him of all share in the transaction. Peregrine was very well pleased to be thus undeceived ; his countenance immediately cleared up, the formality of his behaviour relaxed into his usual familiarity ; he asked par- don for his unmannerly neglect of Godfrey's letter, which, he protested, was not owing to any disregard, or abatement PEREGRINE PICKLE. 397 of friendship, but to the hurry of youthful engagements, in consequence of which he had procrastinated his answer from time to time, until he was ready to return in person. The young soldier was contented with this apolorE PICKLE. 413 pride to a continuance of the game, by treating his skill with scorn and contempt ; and, among other sarcastic expressions, advised him to go to school again, before he pretended to engage with masters of the art. Our hero, incensed at his arrogance, replied, with great warmth, that he knew himself sufficiently qualified for playing with men of honour, who deal upon the square, and hoped he should always deem it infamous either to learn or practise the tricks of a professed gamester. ' Blood and thunder ! meaning me, Sir ?"* cried this artist, raising his voice, and curling his visage into a most intimidating frown. ' Zounds ! I'll cut the throat of any scoundrel who has the presumption to suppose that I don't play as honourably as e'er a nobleman in the kingdom : and I insist upon an explanation from you. Sir ; or by hell and brimstone ! I shall expect other sort of satisfaction." Peregrine, (whose blood by this time boiled within him), answered, without hesitation, ' Far from thinking your de- mand unreasonable, I will immediately explain myself, with- out reserve, and tell you, that, upon unquestionable autho- rity, I believe you to be an impudent rascal, and common cheat.' The Hector was so amazed and confounded at the free- dom of this declaration, which he thought no man on earth would venture to make in his presence, that, for some mi- nutes, he could not recollect himself; but at length whispered a challenge in the ear of our hero, which was accordingly accepted. When they arrived next morning upon the field, the gamester, arming his countenance with all its terrors, advanced with a sword of a monstrous length, and putting himself in a posture, called aloud, in a most terrific voice, * Draw, damn ye, draw ; I will this instant send you to your fathers.' The youth was not slow in complying with his desire ; his weapon was unsheathed in a moment, and he be- gan the attack with such unexpected spirit and address, that his adversary, having made shift, with great difficulty, to parry the first pass, retreated a few paces and demanded a parley, in which he endeavoured to persuade the young man, that to lay a man of his character under the necessity 414 THE ADVENTURES OF of chastising his insolence, was the most rash and inconsider- ate step that he could possibly have taken ; but that he had compassion upon his youth, and was willing to spare him if he would surrender his sword, and promise to ask pardon in public for the offence he had given. Pickle was so much exasperated at this unparalleled effrontery, that, without deigning to make the least reply, he flung his own hat in the proposer's face, and renewed the charge with such un- daunted agility, that the gamester, finding himself in mani- fest hazard of his life, betook himself to his heels, and fled homewards with incredible speed, being closely pursued by Peregrine, who, having sheathed his sword, pelted him with stones as he ran, and compelled him to go, that same day, into banishment from Bath, where he had domineered so long. By this achievement, which was the subject of astonish- ment to all the company, who had looked upon the fugitive as a person of heroic courage, our adventurer's reputation was rendered formidable in all its circumstances ; although he thereby disobliged a good many people of fashion, who had contracted an intimacy of friendship with the exile, and who resented his disgrace, as if it had been the misfortune of a worthy man. These generous patrons, however, bore a very small proportion to those who were pleased with the event of the duel ; because, in the course of their residence at Bath, they had either been insulted or defrauded by the challenger. Nor was this instance of our hero's courage unacceptable to the ladies, few of whom could now resist the united force of such accomplishments. Indeed, neither he nor his friend Godfrey would have found much difficulty in picking up an agi'eeable companion for life ; but Gauntlet's heart was pre- engaged to Sophy ; and Pickle, exclusive of his attachment to Emily, which was stronger than he himself imagined, possessed such a share of ambition as could not be satisfied with the conquest of any female he beheld at Bath. His visits were therefore promiscuous, without any other view than that of amusement ; and though his pride was flattered by the advances of the fair, whom he had capti- vated, he never harboured one thought of proceeding beyond PEREGRINE PICKLE. 415 the limits of common gallantry, and carefully avoided all particular explanations. But, what above all other enjoy- ments, yielded him the most agreeable entertainment, was the secret history of characters, which he learned from a very extraordinary person, with whom he became acquainted in this manner. — Being at the house of a certain lady, on a visiting day, he was struck with the appearance of an old man, who no sooner entered the room than the mistress of the house very kindly desired one of the wits present to roast the old put. This petit-maitre, proud of the employment, went up to the se- nior, who had something extremely peculiar and significant in his countenance, and saluting him with divers fashionable congees, accosted him in these words : * Your servant, you old rascal. I hope to have the honour of seeing you hang'd. I vow to Gad ! you look extremely shocking, with these gummy eyes, lanthorn jaws, and toothless chaps. What ! you squint at the ladies, you old rotten medlar ? Yes, yes, we understand your ogling ; but you must content yourself with a cookmaid, sink me ! I see you want to sit. These withered shanks of yours tremble under their burden ; but you must have a little patience, old Hirco ; indeed you must : I intend to mortify you a little longer, curse me.' The company was so tickled with this address, which was delivered with much grimace and gesticulation, that they burst out into a loud fit of laughter, which they fathered upon a monkey that was chained in the room ; and, when the peal was over, the wit renewed his attack in these words : ' I suppose you are fool enough to think this mirth was occasioned by pug : ay, there he is ; you had best survey him ; he is of your own family, switch me : but the laugh was at your expense ; and you ought to thank Heaven for making you so ridiculous.' While he uttered these inge- nious ejaculations, the old gentleman bowed alternately to him and the monkey, that seemed to grin and chatter in imitation of the beau, and with an arch solemnity of visage, pronounced, — « Gentlemen, as I have not the honour to un- derstand your compliments, they will be much better bestow- 416 THE ADVENTURES OP ed to each other.' So saying, he seated himself, and had the satisfaction to see the laugh returned upon the aggressor, who remained confounded and abashed, and in a few minutes left the room, muttering, as he retired, ' the old fellow grows scurrilous, stap my breath.' While Peregrine wondered in silence at this extraordinary scene, the lady of the house, perceiving his surprise, gave him to understand, that the ancient visitant was utterly bereft of the sense of hearing; that his name was Cadwallader Crabtree ; his disposition altogether misanthropical ; and that he was admitted into company on account of the enter- tainment he afforded by his sarcastic observations, and the pleasant mistakes to which he was subject from his infirmity. Nor did our hero wait a long time for an illustration of this odd character. Every sentence he spoke was replete with gall ; nor did his satire consist in general reflections, but in a series of remarks, which had been made through the me- dium of a most whimsical peculiarity of opinion. Among those who were present at this assembly was a young officer, who having, by dint of interest, obtained a seat in the lower house, thought it incumbent upon him to talk of affairs of state ; and accordingly regaled the company with an account of a secret expedition which the French were busied in preparing ; assuring them, that he had it from the mouth of the minister, to whom it had been transmitted by one of his agents abroad. In descanting upon the particu- lars of the armament, he observed, that they had twenty ships of the line ready manned and victualled at Brest, which were destined for Toulon, where they would be join- ed by as many more ; and from thence proceed to the exe- cution of their scheme, which he imparted as a secret not fit to be divulged. This piece of intelligence being communicated to all the company except Mr Crabtree, who suffered by his loss of hearing, that cynic was soon after accosted by a lady, who, by means of an artificial alphabet, formed by a certain con- junction and disposition of the fingers, asked if he had heard any extraordinary news of late. Cadwallader, with his usual PEllEGRINE PICKLE. 417 complaisance, replied, that he supposed she took him for a courier or spy, by teasing him eternally with that question. He then expatiated upon the foolish curiosity of mankind, which, he said, must either proceed from idleness or want of ideas ; and repeated almost verbatim the officer's inform- ation, a vague ridiculous report invented by some ignorant coxcomb, who wanted to give himself airs of importance, and believed only by those who were utterly unacquainted with the politics and strength of the French nation. In confirmation of what he had advanced, he endeavoured to demonstrate how impossible it must be for that people to fit out even the third part of such a navy, so soon after the losses they had sustained during the war ; and confirmed his proof by asserting, that to his certain knowledge, the har- bours of Brest and Toulon could not at that time produce a squadron of eight ships of the line. The member, who was an utter stranger to this misan- thrope, hearing his own asservation treated with such con- tempt, glowed with confusion and resentment, and, raising his voice, began to defend his own veracity with great ea- gerness and trepidation, mingling with his argument many blustering invectives against the insolence and ill manners of his supposed contradictor, who sat with the most mortifying composure of countenance, till the officer's patience was quite exhausted ; and then, to the manifest increase of his vexation, he was informed, that his antagonist was so deaf, that, in all probability, the last trumpet would make no im- pression upon him, without a previous renovation of his organs. CHAPTER LXXII. He cultivates an acquaintance with the misanthrope, who favours him toith a short shetch of his own history. X^EREcraNE was extremely well pleased with this occasional rebuke, which occurred so seasonably, that he could scarce believe it accidental. He looked upon Cadwallader as the Vol 11. D d 418 THE ADVENTURES OF greatest curiosity he had ever known, and cultivated the old man's acquaintance with such insinuating address, that in less than a fortnight he obtained his confidence. As they one day walked into the fields together, the man-hater disclosed himself in these words : — ' Though the term of our commu- nication has been but short, you must have perceived, that I treat you with uncommon marks of regard ; which, I assure you, is not owing to your personal accomplishments, nor the pains you take to oblige me ; for the first I overlook, and the last I see through : but there is something in your disposition which indicates a rooted contempt for the world, and I un- derstand you have made some successful efforts in exposing one part of it to the ridicule of the other. It is upon this assurance that I offer you my advice and assistance, in pro- secuting other schemes of the same nature ; and to convince you that such an alliance is not to be rejected, I will now give you a short sketch of my history, which will be pub- lished after my death, in forty-seven volumes of my own compiling. ' I was born about forty miles from this place, of parents, who, having a very old family name to support, bestowed their whole fortune on my elder brother ; so that I inherited of my father little else than a large share of choler, to which I am indebted for a great many adventures that did not al- ways end to my satisfaction. At the age of eighteen I was sent up to town, with a recommendation to a certain peer, who found means to amuse me with a promise of a com- mission for seven whole years ; and 'tis odds but I should have made my l\)rtune by my perseverance, had not I been arrested, and thrown into the Marshalsea by my landlord, on whose credit I had subsisted three years, after my father had renounced me as an idle vagabond : there I remained six months, among those prisoners who have no other support than chance charity ; and contracted a very valuable ac- quaintance, which was of great service to me in the future emergencies of my life. * I was no sooner discharged, in consequence of an act of parliament for the relief of insolvent debtors, than I went to PEREGRINE PICKLE. 419 the house of my creditor, whom I cudgelled without mercy ; and, that I might have nothing undone of those things which I ought to have done, my next stage was to Westminster-hall, where I waited until my patron came forth from the house, and saluted him with a blow that laid him senseless on the pavement : but my retreat was not so fortunate as I could have wished : the chairmen and lacqueys in waiting having surrounded and disarmed me in a trice, I was committed to Newgate, and loaded with chains ; and a very sagacious gentleman, who was afterwards hanged, having sat in judge- ment upon my case, pronounced me guilty of a capital crime, and foretold my condemnation at the Old Bailey. His prognostic, however, was disappointed ; for nobody appearing to prosecute me at the next sessions, I was dis- charged by order of the court. It would be impossible for me to recount, in the compass of one day's conversation, all the particular exploits of which I bore considerable share: suffice it to say, I have been, at different times, prisoner in all the jails within the bills of mortality : I have broke from every round-house on this side Temple-bar. No bailiff, in the days of my youth and desperation, durst execute a writ upon me without a dozen of followers ; and the justices them- selves trembled when I was brought before them. I was once maimed by a carman, with whom I quarrelled, Locause he ridiculed my leek on S'. David''s day ; my skull was frac- tured by a butcher's cleaver on the like occasion. I have been run through the body five times, and lost the tip of my left ear by a pistol bullet. In a rencounter of this kind, having left my antagonist for dead, I was wise enough to make my retreat into France ; and a few days after my arrival at Paris, entering into conversation with some officers, on the subject of politics, a dispute arose, in which I lost my temper, and spoke so irreverently of the Grand Monarque, that next morning I was sent to the Bastile, by virtue of a lettre de cachet. There I remained for some months, deprived of all intercourse with rational creatures ; a circumstance for which I was not sorry, as I had the more time to project schemes of revenge against the tyrant who confined me, and the wretch 420 THE ADVENTURE?; OF who bad betrayed my private conversation : but tired, at length, with these fruitless suggestions, I was fain to unbend the severity of my thoughts by a correspondence with some industrious spiders, who had hung my dungeon with their ingenious labours. I considered their work v.'ith such atten- tion, that I soon became an adept in the mystery of weaving, and furnished myself with as many useful observations and reflections on that art, as will compose a very curious treatise, which I intend to bequeath to the Royal Society, for the benefit of our woollen manufacture ; and this with a view to perpetuate my own name, rather than befriend my country : for, thank Heaven ! I am weaned from all attachments of that kind, and look upon myself as one very little obliged to any society whatsoever. Although I presided with absolute power over this long-legged community, and distributed re- wards and punishments to each according to his deserts, I grew impatient of my situation ; and my natural disposition, one day, prevailing, like a fire which had long been smother- ed, I wreaked the fury of my indignation upon my innocent subjects, and in a twinkling destroyed the whole race. While I was. employed in this general massacre, the turnkey, who brought me food, opened the door, and perceiving my tran- sport, shrugged up his shoulders, and leaving my allowance, went out pronouncing le j^anvre diahle ! la tete lui tourne. My passion no sooner subsided, than I resolved to profit by this opinion of the jailer, and from that day counterfeited lunacy with such success, that in less than three months I was delivered from the Bastile, and sent to the galleys, in which they thought my bodily vigour might be of service, although the faculties of my mind were decayed. Before I was chained to the oar, I received three hundred stripes by way of welcome, that I might thereby be rendered more tractable, notwithstanding I used all the arguments in my power to persuade them I was only mad nortJi-north-icest, and, when the wind was southerly, knew a hawk from an hand- saw. ' In our second cruise we had the good fortune to be over- taken by a tempest, during which the slaves were unbound. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 421 that they might contribute the more to the preservation of the galley, and have a chance for their lives in case of ship- wreck. We were no sooner at liberty, than, making our- selves masters of the vessel, we robbed the officers, and ran her on shore among rocks on the coast of Portugal ; from whence I hastened to Lisbon, with a view of obtaining my passage in some sliip bound for England, where, by this time, I hoped my affair was forgotten. * But, before this scheme could be accomplished, my evil genius led me into company ; and being intoxicated, I be- gan to broach doctrines on the subject of religion, at which some of the party were scandalized and incensed : and I was next day dragged out of bed by the officers of the in- quisition, and conveyed to a cell in the prison belonging to that tribunal. ' At my first examination, my resentment was strong enough to support me under the torture, which I endured without flinching ; but my resolution abated, and my zeal immediately cooled, when I understood from a fellow-pri- soner, who groaned on the other side of the partition^ that in a short time there would be an auto defe ; in consequence of which I should, in all probability, be doomed to the flames, if I would not renounce my heretical errors, and submit to such penance as the church should think fit to prescribe. This miserable wretch was convicted of Judaism, which he had privately practised by connivance for many years, until he had amassed a fortune sufficient to attract the regard of the church. To this he fell a sacrifice, and accordingly pre- pared himself for the stake ; while I, not at all ambitious of the crown of martyrdom, resolved to temporize ; so that, when I was brought to the question the second time, I made a solemn recantation. As I had no wox'ldly fortune to ob- struct my salvation, I was received into the bosom of the church, and, by way of penance, enjoined to walk barefoot to Rome in the habit of a pilgrim. ' During my peregrinations through Spain, I was detained as a spy, until I could procure credentials from the inquisi- tion at Lisbon ; and behaved with such resolution and re- 422 THE ADVENTURES OF serve, that, after being released, I was deemed a proper per- son to be employed in quality of a secret intelligencer at a certain court. This office I undertook without hesitation ; and being furnished with money and bills of credit, crossed the Pyrenees, with intention to revenge myself upon the Spaniards for the severities I had undergone during my cap- tivity. ' Having therefore effectually disguised myself by a change of dress, and a large patch on one eye, I hired an equipage, and appeared at Bologna in quality of an itinerant physi- cian; in which capacity I succeeded tolerably well, till my servants decamped in the night with my baggage, and left me in the condition of Adam. In short, I have travelled over the greatest part of Europe, as a beggar, pilgrim, priest, soldier, gamester, and quack ; and felt the extremes of indi- gence and opulence, with the inclemency of weather, in all its vicissitudes. I have learned that the characters of man- kind are every where the same ; that common sense and honesty bear an infinitely small proportion to folly and vice ; and that life is at best a paltry province. * After having suffered innumerable hardships, dangers, and disgraces, I returned to London, where I lived some years in a garret, and picked up a subsistence, such as it was, by vending purges in the streets, from the back of a pied horse ; in which situation I used to harangue the mob in broken English, under pretence of being an High German doctor. ' At last an uncle died, by whom I inherit an estate of three hundred pounds per annum, though, in his lifetime, he would not have parted with a sixpence to save my soul and body from perdition. ' I now appear in the world, not as a member of any com- munity, or what is called a social creature, but merely as a spectator, who entertains himself with the grimaces of a jack-pudding, and banquets his spleen in beholding his ene- mies at logger-heads. That I may enjoy this disposition, abstracted from all interruption, danger, and participation, I feign myself deaf; an expedient by which I not oidy avoid riiREGlllNE PICKLE. 423 all disputes and their consequences, but also become master of a thousand little secrets, which are every day whispered in my presence, without any suspicion of their being over- heard. You saw how I handled that shallow politician at my lady Plausible's the other day. The same method I practise upon the crazed tory, the bigot whig, the sour su- percilious pedant, the petulant critic, the blustering coward, the fawning tool, the pert pimp, sly sharper, and every other species of knaves and fools, with which this kingdom abounds. ' In consequence of my rank and character, I obtain free admission to the ladies, among whom I have acquired the appellation of the Scandalous Chronicle. As I am considered (while silent) in no other light than that of a foot-stool or elbow-chair, they divest their conversation of all restraint be- fore me, and gratify my sense of hearing with strange things, which (if I could pravail upon myself to give the world that satisfaction) would compose a curious piece of secret history, and exhibit a quite different idea of characters from what is commonly entertained. ' By this time, young gentleman, you may perceive, that I have it in my power to be a valuable correspondent, and that it will be your interest to deserve my confidence.' Here the misanthrope left off speaking, desirous to know the sentiments of our hero, who embraced the proffered alli- ance in a transport of joy and surprise ; and the treaty was no sooner concluded, than Mr Crabtree began to perform articles, by imparting to him a thousand delicious secrets, from the possession of which he promised himself innume- rable scenes of mirth and enjoyment. By means of this asso- ciate, whom he considered as the ring of Gyges, he foresaw, that he should be enabled to penetrate, not only into the chambers, but even to the inmost thoughts, of the female sex. In order to ward off suspicion, they agreed to revile each other in public, and meet at a certain private rendezvous, to communicate their mutual discoveries, and concert their future operations. In consequence of a letter from Lieutenant Hatchway, 424 THE ADVENTURES OF representing the dangerous situation of the commodore, Pe- regrine took a hasty leave of his friends, and departed imme- diately for the garrison. CHAPTER LXXIII. Peregrine arrives at the garrison^ where he receives the last admonitions of Commodore 7'?-nnnion, who next day re- signs his breath, and is htiried according tn his own direc- tions — some gentlemen in the country make a fruitless at- tempt to accomodate matters betwixt Mr Gamaliel Pickle and his eldest son. -About four o'clock in the morning our hero arrived at the garrison, where he found his generous uncle in extremity, supported in bed by Julia on one side, and Lieutenant Hatchway on the other, while Mr Jolter administered spi- ritual consolation to his soul, and between whiles comforted Mrs Trunnion, who with her maids, sat by the fire, weep- ing with great decorum ; the physician having just taken his last fee, and retired, after pronouncing the fatal prog- nostic, in which he anxiously wished he might be mistaken. Though the commodore's speech was interrupted by a vio- lent hickup, he still retained the use of his senses ; and when Peregrine approached, stretched out his hand with manifest signs of satisfaction. The young gentleman, whose heart overflowed with gratitude and affection, could not behold such a spectacle unmoved. He endeavoured to conceal his tenderness, which, in the wildness of his youth, and the pride of his disposition, he considered as a derogation from his manhood; but, in spite of all his endeavours, the tears gushed from his eyes, while he kissed the old man's hand ; and he was so utterly disconcerted by his grief, that, when he attempted to speak, his tongue denied its office; — so that the commodore, perceiving his disorder, made a last cft'ort of strength, and consoled him in these words: — ' swab the spray from your bowsprit, my good lad, and coil up your spirits. You must not let the toplifts of your heart give way, because you see me ready to go down at these years : many a better man has foundered before he has made half my PEREGRINE PICKLE. 425 way ; thof I trust, by the mercy of God, I shall be sure in port in a very few glasses, and fast moored in a most blessed riding ; for my good friend Jolter hath overhauled the jour- nal of my sins, and, by the observation he hath taken of the state of my soul, I hope I shall happily conclude my voyage, and be brought up in the latitude of heaven. Here has been a doctor that wanted to stow me choakful of phy- sic; but, when a man's hour is come, what signifies his taking his departure with a 'pothecary's shop in his hold. Those fellows come along side of dying men, like the messen- gers of the admiralty with sailing orders ; but I told him as how I could slip my cable without his direction or as- sistance, and so he hawled off in dudgeon. This cursed hickup makes such a rippling in the current of my speech, that mayhap you don't understand what I say. Now, while the sucker of my wind-pump will go, I would willingly mention a few things, which I hope you will set down in the log-book of your remembrance, when I am stiff, d'ye see. There's your aunt sitting whimpering by the fire, I desire you will keep her tight, warm, and easy, in her old age; she's an honest heart in her own way, and, thof she goes a little crank and huraoursome, by being often overstowed with nantz and rehgion, she has been a faithful shipmate to me^ and I dare say never turned in with another man since we first embarked in the same bottom. Jack Hatchway, you know the trim of her as well as e'er a man in England, and I believe she has a kindness for you ; whereby if you two will grapple in the way of matrimony, when I am gone, I do suppose that my godson, for love of me, will allow you to live in the garrison all the days of your life.' Peregrine assured him, he would with i^pleasure comply with any request he should make in behalf of two persons whom he esteemed so much. The lieutenant, with a waggish sneer, which even the gravity of the situation could not pre- vent, thanked them both for their good will, telling the com- modore, he was obliged to him for his friendship, in seeking to promote him to the command of a vessel which he him- self had wore out in the service ; but that, notwithstanding. 4!^6 THE ADVENTURES OF he should be content to take charge of her, though he could not help being shy of coming after such an able navigator. Trunnion, exhausted as he was, smiled at this sally, and, after some pause, resumed his admonitions in this manner : — ' I need not talk of Pipes, because I know you'il do for him without any recommendation ; the fellow has sailed with me in many a hard gale, and I'll warrant him as stout a seamen as ever set face to the weather : but I hope youll take care of the rest of my crew, and not disrate them after I am dead, in favour of new followers. As for that young woman, Ned Gauntlet's daughter, I'm informed as how she's an excellent wench, and has a respect for you ; whereby, if you run her on board in an unlawful way, I leave my curse upon you, and trust you will never prosper in the voyage of life : but I believe you are more of an honest man, than to behave so much like a pirate. I beg of all love you wool take care of your constitution, and beware of running foul of harlots, who are no better than so many mermaids, that sit upon rocks in the sea, and hang out a fair face for the destruction of pas- sengers ; thof I must say, for my own part, I never met with any of those sweet singers, and yet I have gone to sea for the space of thirty years. But howsomever, steer your course clear of all such brimstone b . Shun going to law, as you would shun the devil ; and look upon all attor- neys as devouring sharks, or ravenous fish of prey. As soon as the breath is out of my body, let minute guns be fired, till I am safe under ground. I would also be buried in the red jacket 1 had on when I boarded and took the Renummy. Let my pistols, cutlass, and pocket compass, be laid in the coffin along with me. Let me be carried to the grave by my own men, rigged in the black caps and white shirts which my barge's crew were wont to wear ; and they must keep a good look-out, that none of your pil- fering rascallions, may come and heave me up again, for the lucre of what they can get, until the carcass is belayed by a tombstone. As for the motto, or what you call it, I leave that to you and Mr Jolter, who are scholars ; but I do desire, that it may not be engraved in the Greek or PEREGRINE PICKLE. 427 Latin lingos, and much less in the French, which I abomi- nate, but in plain English, that, when the angel comes to pipe all hands, at the great day, he may know that I am a British man, and speak to me in my mother tongue. And now I have no more to say, but God in heaven have mercy upon my soul, and send you all fair weather, wheresoever you are bound.' So saying, he regarded every individual around him with a look of complacency, and, closing his eye, composed himself to rest, while the whole audience, Pipes himself not excepted, were melted with sorrow ; and Mrs Trunnion consented to quit the room, that she might not be exposed to the unspeakable anguish of seeing him expire. His last moments, however, were not so near as they ima- gined. He began to dose, and enjoyed small intervals of ease, till next day in the afternoon ; during which remissions, he was heard to pour forth many pious ejaculations, expressing his hope, that, for all the heavy cargo of his sins, he should be able to surmount the pattock- shrouds of despair, and get aloft to the cross-trees of God's good favour. At last his voice sunk so low as not to be distinguished ; and, having lain about an hour, almost without any perceptible signs of life, he gave up the ghost with a groan, which announced his decease. Julia was no sooner certified of this melancholy event, than she ran to her aunt's chamber, weeping aloud ; and immedi- ately a very decent concert was performed by the good wi- dow and her attendants. Peregrine and Hatchway retired till the corpse should be laid out ; and Pipes having survey- ed the body, with a face of rueful attention, — ' Well fare thy soul ! old Hawser Trunnion,' said he, ' man and boy I have known thee these five-and-thirty years, and sure a truer heart never broke biscuit. Many a hard gale hast thou weathered ; but now thy spells are all over, and thy hull fairly laid up. A better commander I'd never desire to serve ; and who knows but I may help to set up thy standing rigging in another world.?' All the servants in the house were affected with the loss of their old master ; and the poor people in the neighbourhood assembled at the gate, and, by repeated bowlings, expressed their sorrow for the death of their charitable benefactor. Pe- 428 THE ADVENTURES OF regrine, [though he felt every thing vrhich love and gratitude could inspire on this occasion, was not so much overwhelm- ed with affliction, as to be incapable of taking the manage- ment of the family into his own hands. He gave directions about the funeral with good discretion, after having paid the compliments of condolence to his aunt, whom he consoled with the assurance of his inviolable esteem and affection. He ordered a suit of mourning to be made for every person in the garrison, and invited all the neighbouring gentlemen to the burial, not even excepting his father and brother Gam, ■who did not, however, honour the ceremony with their pre- sence ; nor was his mother humane enough to visit her sis- ter-in-law in her distress. In the method of interment, the commodore's injunctions were obeyed to a tittle ; and at the same time our hero made a donation of fifty pounds to the poor of the parish, as a be- nefaction which his uncle had forgot to bequeath. Having performed theseobsequies with the most pious punc- tuality, he examined the will, to which there was no addition since it had been first executed, adjusted the payment of all the legacies, and, being sole executor, took an account of the estate to which he had succeeded, which, after all deduc- tions, amounted to thirty thousand pounds. The possession of such a fortune, of which he was absolute master, did not at all contribute to the humiliation of his spirit, but inspired him with new ideas of grandeur and magnificence, and ele- vated his hope to the highest pinnacle of expectation. His domestic affairs being settled, he was visited by almost all the gentlemen of the country, who came to pay their com- pliments of congratulation on his accession to the estate ; and some of them offered their good offices towards a reconcili- ation betwixt his father and him, induced by the general de- testation which was entertained for his brother Gam, who was by this time looked upon by his neighbours as a prodigy of insolence and malice. Our young 'squire thanked them for their kind proposal, which he accepted : and old Gama- liel, at their entreaties, seemed very well disposed to any ac- commodation ; but, as he would not venture to declare him- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 429 self before he had consuhed his wife, his favourable disposi- tion was rendered altogether ineffectual, by the instigations of that implacable woman ; and our hero resigned all expecta- tion of being reunited to his father's house. His brother, as usual, took all opportunities of injuring his character, by false aspersions, and stories misrepresented, in order to prejudice his reputation ; nor was his sister Julia suffered to enjoy her good fortune in peace. Had he undergone such persecution from an alien to his blood, the world would have heard of his revenge ; but, notwithstanding his indignation, he was too much tinctured by the prejudices of consanguinity, to lift his arm in judgment against the son of his own parents ; and this consideration abridged the torm of his residence at the garrison, where he had proposed to stay for some months. CHAPTER LXXIV. The young gentleman havmg settled his domestic affairs, arrives in London^ and sets up a gay equipage — he meets with Emilia, and is introduced to her uncle. His aunt, at the earnest solicitations of Julia and her hus- band, took up her quarters at the house of that affectionate kinswoman, who made it her chief study to comfort and cherish the disconsolate widows; and Jolter, in expectation of the liv- ing which was not yet vacant, remained in garrison, in qua- lity of land-steward upon our heron's country estate. As for the lieutenant, our young gentleman communed with him in a serious manner about the commodore's proposal of taking Mrs Trunnion to wife ; and Jack, being quite tired of the solitary situation of a bachelor, which nothing but the company of his old commander could have enabled him to support so long, far from discovering aversion to the match, observed, with an arch smile, that it was not the first time he had commanded a vessel in the absence of Captain Trunnion ; and therefore, if the widow T^'as willing, he would cheerfully stand by her helm» and, as he hoped the duty would not be of long continuance, do his endeavour to steer her safe into port, where the com- modore might come on board, and take charge of her again. 430 THE ADVEXTUllES OF In consequence of this declaration, it was determined that Mr Hatchway should make his addresses to Mrs Trunnion, as soon as decency would permit her to receive them ; and Mr Clover and his wife promised to exert their influence in his behalf. Meanwhile, Jack was desired to live at the castle as usual, and assured, that it should be put wholly in his possession, as soon as he should be able to accomplish this matrimonial scheme. When Peregrine had settled all these points to his own satisfaction, he took leave of all his friends, and, repairing to the great city, purchased a new chariot and horses, put Pipes and another lacquey into rich liveries, took elegant lodg- ings in Pail-Mall, and made a most remarkable appearance among the people of fashion. It was owing to this equipage, and the gaiety of his personal deportment, that common fame, which is always a common liar, represented him as a young gentleman who had just succeeded to an estate of five thou- sand pounds per annum, by the death of an uncle ; that he was entitled to an equal fortune at the decease of his own father, exclusive of two considerable jointures, which would devolve upon him at the demise of his mother and aunt. This report, false and ridiculous as it was, he could not find in his heart to contradict ; not but that he was sorry to find himself so misrepresented ; but his vanity would not allow him to take any step that might diminish his importance in the opinion of those who courted his acquaintance, on the supposition that his circumstances were actually as affluent as they were said to be. Nay, so much was he infatuated by this weakness, that he resolved to encourage the deception, by living up to the report • and accordingly engaged in the most expensive parties of pleasure, believing that, before his present finances should be exhausted, his fortune would be effectually made, by the personal accomplishments he should have occasion to display to the beau monde in the course of his extravagance. In a word, vanity and pride were the ruling foibles of our adventurer, who imagined himself suffi- ciently qualified to retrieve his fortune in various shapes, long before he could have any ideaof want ordifficulty. He thought PEREGRINE PICKLE. 431 he should have it in his power, at any time, to make prize of a rich heiress, or opulent widow ; his ambition had al- ready aspired to the heart of a young handsome duchess dowager, to whose acquaintance he had found means to be introduced ; or, should matrimony chance to be unsuitable to his inclinations, he never doubted, that, by the interest he might acquire among the nobility, he should be favoured with some lucrative post, that would amply recompense him for the liberality of his disposition. There are many young men who entertain the same expectations, with half the rea- son he had to be so presumptuous. In the midst of these chimerical calculations, his passion for Emilia did not subside ; but, on the contrary, began to rage with such an inflammation of desire, that her idea interfered with very other reflection, and absolutely disables him from prosecuting the other lofty schemes which his imagination had projected. He therefore laid down the honest resolution of visiting her in all the splendour of his situation, in order to practise upon her virtue with all his art and address, to the utmost extent of his influence and fortune. Nay, so ef- fectually had his guilty passion absorbed his principles of honour, conscience, humanity, and regard for the commo- dore'^s last words, that he was base enough to rejoice at the absence of his friend Godfrey, who, being then with his re- giment in Ireland, could not dive into his purpose, or take measures for frustrating his vicious design. Fraught with these heroic sentiments, he determined to set out for Sussex in his chariot and six, attended by his valet de chambre and two footmen ; and as he was now sen- sible, that in his last essay he had mistaken his cue, he de- termined to change his battery, and sap the fortress, by the most submissive, soft, and insinuating behaviour. On the evening that preceded this proposed expedition, he went into one of the boxes at the playhouse, as usual, to shew himself to the ladies ; and, in reconnoitring the company through a glass (for no other reason, but because it was fa- shionable to be purblind), perceived his mistress, very plainly dressed, in one of the seats above tlie stage, talking to an- 432 THE ADVENTURES OE Other young woman of a very homely appearance. Though his heart beat tlie alarm with the utmost impatience at sight of his Emilia, he was for some minutes deterred from obey- ing the impulse of his love, by the presence of some ladies of fashion, who, he feared, would think the worse of him, should they see him make his compliment in public to a person of her figure. Nor would the violence of his inclina- tion have so far prevailed over his pride, as to lead him thither, had not he recollected, that his quality friends would look upon her as some handsome Abigail, with whom he had an affair of gallantry and of consequence give him cre- dit for the intrigue. Encouraged by this suggestion, he complied with the dic- tates of love, and flew to the place where his charmer sat. His air and dress were so remarkable, that it was almost im- possible he should have escaped the eyes of a curious observer, especially as he had chosen a time for coming in, when his entrance could not fail to attract the notice of the specta- tors ; I mean, when the whole house was hushed in attention to the performance on the stage. Emilia, therefore, perceived him at his first approach : she found herself discovered by the direction of his glass, and, guessing his intention by his abrupt retreat from the box, summoned all her fortitude to her aid, and prepared for his reception. He advanced to her with an air of eagerness and joy, tempered with modesty and respect, and expressed his satisfaction at seeing her, with a seeming reverence of regard. Though she was extremely well pleased at this unexpected behaviour, she suppressed the emotions of her heart, and answered his compliments with affected ease and unconcern, such as might denote the good humour of a person who meets by accident with an indiffer- ent acquaintance. After having certified himself of her own good health, he very kindly inquired about her mother and Miss Sophy, gave her to understand that he had lately been favoured with a letter from Godfrey ; that he had actually intended to set out next morning on a visit to Mrs Gauntlet, which (now that he was so happy as to meet with her) he would postpone, until he should have the pleasure of attend- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 433 ilig her to the country. After having thanked him for his polite intention, she told him, that her mother vras expected in town in a few days, and that she herself had come to London some weeks ago, to give her attendance upon her aunt, who had been dangerously ill, but was now pretty well recovered. Although the conversation of course turned upon general topics, during the entertainment he took all opportunities of being particular with his eyes, through which he conveyed a thousand tender protestations. She saw and inwardly re- joiced at the humility of his looks ; but far from rewarding it with one approving glance, she industriously avoided this occular intercourse, and rather coquetted with a young gen- tleman that ogled her from the opposite box. Peregrine's penetration easily detected her sentiments, and he was net- tled at her dissimulation, which served to confirm him in his unwarrantable designs upon her person. He persisted in his assiduities with indefatigable perseverance ; when the play was concluded, handed her and her companion into a hack- ney-coach, and with difficulty was permitted to escort them to the house of Emilia's uncle, to whom our hero was intro- duced by the young lady, as an intimate friend of her bro- ther Godfrey. The old gentleman, who was no stranger to the nature of Peregrine's connection with his sister's family, prevailed up- on him to stay supper, and seemed particularly well pleased with his conversation and deportment, which, by the help of his natural sagacity, he wonderfully adapted to the humour of his entertainer. After supper, when the ladies were with- drawn, and the citizen called for his pipe, our sly adventurer followed his example. Though he abhorred the plant, he smoked with an air of infinite satisfaction, and expatiated upon the virtues of tobacco, as if he had been deeply con- cerned in the Virginia trade. In the progress of the discourse, he consulted the merchant's disposition ; and the national debt coming upon the carpet, held forth upon the funds like a professed broker. When the alderman complained of the restrictions and discouragements of trade, liis guest in- Vol 11. E e 434 THE ADVENTURES OF veighed against exorbitant duties, with the nature of which he seemed as well acquainted as any commissioner of the customs ; so that the uncle was astonished at the extent of his knowledge, and expressed his surprise, that a gay young gentleman like him should have found either leisure or in- clination to consider subjects so foreign to the fashionable amusements of youth. Pickle laid hold on this opportunity to tell him, that he was descended from a race of merchants ; and that, early In life, he had made it his business to instruct himself in the different branches of trade, which he not only studied as his family profession, but also as the source of all our na- tional riches and power. He then launched out in praise of commerce, and the promoters thereof; and, by way of con- trast, employed all his ridicule in drawing such ludicrous pictures of the manners and education of what is called high life, that the trader's sides were shaken by laughter, even to the danger of his life ; and he looked upon our adventurer as a miracle of sobriety and good sense. Having thus ingratiated himself with the uncle. Peregrine took his leave, and next day in the forenoon visited the niece in his chariot, after she had been admonished by her kins- man to behave with circumspection, and cautioned against neglecting or discouraging the addresses of such a valuable admirer. CHAPTER LXXV. He prosecutes his design upon Emilia with great art and perseverance. Our adventurer, having by his hypocrisy obtained free access to his mistress, began the siege, by professing the most sincere contrition for his former levity, and imploring her forgiveness with such earnest supplication, that, guarded as she was against his flattering arts, she began to believe his protestations, which were even accompanied with tears, and abated a good deal of that severity and distance she had proposed to maintain during this interview. She would not, PEREGRINE PICKLE. 435 however, favour him with the least acknowledgment of a mutual passion, because, in the midst of his vows of eternal constancy and truth, he did not mention one syllable of wedlock, though he was now entirely master of his own con- duct ; and this consideration created a doubt, which fortified her against all his attacks ; yet, what her discretion would have concealed, was discovered by her eyes, which, in spite of all her endeavours, breathed forth complacency and love : for her inclination was flattered by her own self-sufficiency, which imputed her admirer's silence in that particular to the hurry and perturbation of his spirits, and persuaded her, that he could not possibly regard her with any other than honourable intentions. The insidious lover exulted in the tenderness of her looks, from which he presaged a complete victory ; but that he might not overshoot himself by his own precipitation, he would not run the risk of declaring himself, until her heart should be so far entangled within his snares, as that neither the suggestions of honour, prudence, nor pride, should be able to disengage it. Armed with this resolution, he re- strained the impatience of his temper within the limits of the most delicate deportment. After having solicited and obtained permission to attend her to the next opera, he took her by the hand, and pressing it to his lips in the most re- spectful manner, went away, leaving her in a most whimsi- cal state of suspense, checquered with an interesting vicissi- tude of hope and fear. On the appointed day, he appeared again, about five o'clock in the afternoon, and found her native charms so much improved by the advantages of dress, that he was trans- ported with admiration and delight ; and, while he conducted her to the Haymarket, could scarce bridle the impetuosity of his passion, so as to observe the forbearing maxims he had adopted. When she entered the pit, he had abundance of food for the gratification of his vanity ; for, in a moment, she eclipsed all the female part of the audience, each indivi- dual allowing, in her own heart, that the stranger was by far the handsomest woman there present, except herself. 436 THE ADVENTURES OF Here it was that our licro enjoyed a double triumph : he was vain of this opportunity to enhance his reputation for gallantry among the ladies of fashion who knew him, and proud of an occasion to display his quality acquaintance to Emilia, that she might entertain the greater idea of the con- quest she had made, and pay the more deference to his im- portance in the sequel of his addresses. That he might profit as much as possible by this situation, he went up and accosted every person in the pit, with whom he ever had the least communication, whispered and laughed with an affected air of familiarity, and even bowed at a distance to some of the nobility, on the slender foundation of having stood near them at court, or presented them with a pinch of rappee at White's chocolate house. This ridiculous ostentation, though now practised with a view of promoting his design, was a weakness, that, in some degree, infected the whole of his behaviour ; tor nothing gave him so much joy in conversation, as an opportunity of giv- ing the company to understand how well he was with persons of distinguished rank and character ; he would often (for example) observe, as it were occasionally, tliat the Duke of G was one of the best natured men in the world, and illustrate this assertion by some instance of his affability, in which he himself was concerned ; then, by an abrupt transi- tion, he would repeat some repartee of Lady T , and mentioned a certain hon mot of the earl of C , which was uttered in his hearing. Abundance of young men, in this manner, make free with the names, though they have never had access to' the persons, of the nobility ; but this was not the case with Peregrine, who, in consideration of his appearance and supposed fortune, together with the advantage of his introduction, was by this time freely admitted to the tables of the great. In his return with Emilia from the opera, though he still maintained the most scrupulous decorum in his behaviour, he plied her with the most passionate expressions of love, equeezed her hand with great fervency, protested that his whole soul was engrossed by her idea, and that he could not PEREGRINE PICKLE. 437 exist independent of her favour. Pleased as she was with his warm and pathetic addresses, together with the respect- ful manner of his making love, she yet had prudence and resolution sufficient to contain her tenderness, which was ready to run over ; being fortified against his arts, by reflect- ing, that, if his aim was honourable, it was now his business to declare it. On this consideration, she refused to make any serious reply to his earnest expostulations, but affected to receive them as the undetermined effusions of gallantry and good breeding. This fictitious gaiety and good humour, though it baffled his hope of extorting from her an acknowledgment of which he might have taken immediate advantage, nevertheless en- couraged him to observe (as the chariot passed along the Strand) that the night was far advanced ; that supper would certainly be over before they could reach her uncle's house ; and to propose, that he should wait upon her to some place, where they might be accommodated with a slight refreshment. She was offended at the freedom of his proposal, which, however, she treated as a joke, thanking him for his cour- teous offer, and assuring him, that when she should be dis- posed for a tavern treat, he alone should have the honour of bestowing it." Her kinsman being engaged with company abroad, and her aunt retired to rest, he had the good fortune to enjoy a fete a tete with her during a whole hour, which he em- ployed with such consummate skill, that her caution was al- most overcome. He not only assailed her with the artillery of sighs, vows, prayers, and tears, but evenpawned his hon- our in behalf of his love. He swore, with many impre- cations, that although her heart was surrendered to him at discretion, there was a principle within him, which would never allow him to injure such innocence and beauty ; and the transports of his passion had, upon this occasion, so far overshot his purpose, that if she had demanded an expla- nation while he was thus agitated, he would have engaged himself to her wish by such ties as he could not break with any regard to his reputation. But from such expostulation 43S THE ADVE5JTDRES OF she was deterred, partly by pride, and partly by the dread of finding herself mistaken in such an interesting conjecture. She therefore enjoyed the present flattering appearance of her fate, was prevailed upon to accept the jewels, which he purchased with part of his winning at Bath, and, with the most enchanting condescension, submitted to a warm em- brace when he took his leave, after having obtained permis- sion to visit her as often as his inclination and convenience would permit. In his return to his own lodgings, he was buoyed up with his success to an extravagance of hope, already congratulated himself upon his triumph over Emilia's virtue, and began to project future conquests among the most dignified cha- racters of the female sex. But his attention was not at all dissipated by these vain reflections ; he resolved to concen- trate the whole exertion of his soul upon the execution of his present plan, desisted in the meantime, from all other schemes of pleasure, interest, and ambition, and took lodgings in the city, for the more commodious accomplishment of his pur- pose. While our lover's imagination was thus agreeably regaled, his mistress did not enjoy her expectations without the inter- vention of doubts and anxiety. His silence touching the final aim of his addresses, was a mystery on which she was afraid of exercising her sagacity : and her uncle tormented her with inquiries into the circumstances of Peregrine's professions and deportment. Rather than give this relation the least cause of suspicion, which must have cut off" all intercourse betwixt her and her admirer, she said every thing which she thought would satisfy his care and concern for her welfare ; and in consequence of such representation, she enjoyed, without reserve, the company of our adventurer, who prose- cuted his plan with surprising eagerness and perseverance. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 439 CHAPTER LXXVI. He prevails upon Emilia to accompany him to a masque^ rade, makes a treacherous attempt upon her affection, and meets with a deserved repulse. OCARCE a night elapsed in which he did not conduct her to some public entertainment. When, by the dint of his insi- dious carriage, he thought himself in full possession of her confidence and affection, he lay in wait for an opportunity ; and hearing her observe, in conversation, that she had never been at a masquerade, begged leave to attend her to the next ball ; at the same time extending his invitation to the young lady, in whose company he had found her at the play, she being present when this subject of discourse was introduced. He had flattered himself, that this gentlewoman would de- cline the proposal, as she was a person seemingly of a de- mure disposition, who had been born and bred in the city, where such diversions are looked upon as scenes of lewdness and debauchery. For once, however, he reckoned without his host ; curiosity is as prevalent in the city as at the court end of the town ; Emilia no sooner signified her assent to his proposal, than her friend, with an air of satisfaction, agreed to make one of the party ; and he was obliged to thank her for that complaisance which laid him under infinite mortifi- cation. He set his genius at work to invent some scheme for preventing her unseasonable intrusion. Had an oppor- tunity offered, he would have acted as her physician, and administered a medicine that would have laid her under the necessity of staying at home : but his acquaintance with her being too slight to furnish him with the means of executing this expedient, he devised another, which was practised with all imaginable success. Understanding that her grandmother had left her a sum of money independent of her parents, he conveyed a letter to her mother, intimating, that her daugh- ter, on pretence of going to the masquerade, intended to be- stow herself in marriage to a certain person ; and that in a tev^ 440 THE ADVENTURES OF days she would be informed of the circumstances of the whole intrigue, provided she would keep this information secret, and contrive some excuse for detaining the young lady at home, without giving her cause to believe she was apprised of her intention. This billet, subscribed your well- •wislier, and tinlawwn humble servant, had the desired effect upon the careful matron, who, on the ball-day, feigned her- self so extremely ill, that Miss could not with any decency quit her mamma's apartment ; and therefore sent her apo- logy to Emilia in the afternoon, immediately after the ar- rival of Peregrine, who pretended to be very much afflicted "with the disappointment, while his heart throbbed with a transport of joy. About ten o'clock the lover set out for the Haymarket, he being dressed in the habit of Pantaloon, and she in that of Columbine ; and they had scarce entered the house when the music struck up, the curtain was withdrawn, and the whole scene displayed at once to the admiration of Emilia, whose expectation was infinitely surpassed by this exhibition. Our gallant having conducted her through all the different apart- ments, and described the economy of the place, led her into the circle, and, in their turn, they danced several minuets ; then going to the side-board he prevailed upon her to eat some sweet-meats, and drink a glass of champaign. After a second review of the company, they engaged in country- dances, at which exercise they continued, until our adventu- rer concluded that his partner's blood was sufficiently warm- ed for the prosecution of his design. On this supposition, which was built upon her declaring that she was thirsty and fatigued, he persuaded her to take a little refreshment and repose ; and, for that purpose, handed her down stairs into the eating-room, where having seated her on the floor, he presented her with a glass of wine and water ; and, as she com- plained of being faint, enriched the draught with some drops of a certain elixir, which he recommended as a most excellent restorative, though it was no other than a stimulating tinc- ture, which he had treacherously provided for the occasion. Having swallowed this potion, by which her spirits were PEREGRINE PICKLE. 441 manifestly exhilarated, she ate a slice of ham, with the wing of a cold pullet, and concluded the meal with a glass of Burgundy, which she drank at the earnest entreaty of her admirer. These extraordinary cordials, co-operating with the ferment of her blood, which was heated by violent mo- tion, could not' fail to affect the constitution of a delicate young creature, who was naturally sprightly and volatile. Her eyes began to sparkle with unusual fire and vivacity, a thousand brilliant sallies of wit escaped her, and every mask that accosted her underwent some smarting repartee. Peregrine, overjoyed at the success of his administration, proposed that they should resume their places at the country dances, with a view to promote and assist the efficacy of his elixir ; and, when he thought her disposition was properly adapted for the theme, began to ply her with all the elocu- tion of love. In order to elevate his own spirits to that pitch of resolution which his scheme required, he drank two whole bottles of Burgundy, which inflamed his passion to such a degree, that he found himself capable of undertaking and perpetrating any scheme for the gratification of his desire, Emilia, warmed by so many concurring incentives, in favour of the man she loved, abated considerably of her wonted reserve, listened to his protestations with undissem- bled pleasure, and, in the confidence of her satisfaction, even owned him absolute master of her aff*ections. Ravished with this confession, he now deemed himself on the brink of reap- ing the delicious fruits of his art and assiduity ; and the morning being already pretty far advanced, assented with rapture to the first proposal she made of retiring to her lod- gings. The blinds of the chariot being pulled up, he took advantage of the favourable situation of her thoughts ; and, on pretence of being whimsical, in consequence of the wine he had swallowed, clasped her in his arms, and imprinted a thousand kisses on her pouting lips, a freedom which she pardoned as the privilege of intoxication. While he thus indulged himself with impunity, the carriage halted, and Pipes opening the door, his master handed her into the passage, before she perceived that it was not her uncle's house at which they had ahghted. 4;4;2 THE ADVENTURES OF Alarmed at this discovery, she, with some confusion, de- sired to know his reason for conducting her to a strange place at these hours : but he made no reply, until he had led her into an apartment, when he gave her to understand, that, as her uncle's family must be disturbed by her going thither so late in the night, and the streets near Temple-bar were infest- ed by a multitude of robbers and cut-throats, he had ordered his coachman to halt at this house, which was kept by a re- lation of his, a mighty good sort of a gentlewoman, who would be proud of an opportunity to accommodate a per- son for whom he was known to entertain such tenderness and esteem. Emilia had too much penetration to be imposed upon by this plausible pretext : in spite of her partiality for Pere- grine, which had never been inflamed to such a pitch of com- placency before, she comprehended his whole plan in a twinkling. Though her blood boiled with indignation, she thanked him with an affected air of serenity for his kind concern, and expressed her obligation to his cousin ; but, at the same time, insisted upon going home, lest her absence should terrify her uncle and aunt, who, she knew, would not retire to rest till her return. He urged her, with a thousand remonstrances, to consult her own ease and safety, promising to send Pipes into the city, for the satisfaction of her relations: but, finding her obstinately deaf to his entreaties, he assured her, that he would, in a few minutes, comply with her request ; and, in the meantime, begged she would fortify herself against the cold with a cordial, which he poured out in her presence, and which (now that her suspicion was aroused) she refused to taste, notwithstanding all his importunities. He then fell on his knees before her, and the tears gushing from his eyes, swore that his passion was wound up to such a pitch of impatience, that he could no longer live upon the unsub- stantial food of expectation : and that, if she would not vouchsafe to crown bis happiness, he would forthwith sacri- fice himself to her disdain. Such an abrupt address, ac- companied with all the symptoms of frantic agitation, could TEEEGRINE PICKLE. 44S not fail to perplex and affright the gentle Emilia, who, after some recollection, replied with a resolute tone, that she could not see what reason he had to complain of her reserve, which she was not at liberty to lay entirely aside, until he should have avowed his intentions in form, and obtained the sanction of those whom it was her duty to obey. ' Di- vine creature !' cried he, seizing her hand, and pressing it to his lips, * it is from you alone I hope for that condescen- sion, which would overwhelm me with transports of celestial bliss. The sentiments of parents are sordid, silly, and con- fined : mean not then to subject my passion to such low restrictions as were calculated for the purposes of common life. My love is too delicate and refined to wear those vul- gar fetters, which serve only to destroy the merit of volun- tary affection, and to upbraid a man incessantly with the articles of compulsion, under which he lies. My dear angel ! spare me the mortification of being compelled to love you, and reign sole empress of my heart and fortune. I will not affront you so much as to talk of settlements ; my all is at your disposal. In this pocket-book are notes to the amount of two thousand pounds ; do me the pleasure to accept of them ; to>morrow I will lay ten thousand more in your lap. In a word, you shall be mistress of my whole estate, and I shall think myself happy in living dependant on your boun- ty!' Heavens ! what were the emotions of the virtuous, the sensible, the delicate, the tender Emilia's heart, when she heard this insolent declaration from the mouth of a man whom she had honoured with her affection and esteem ! it was not simply horror, grief, or indignation, that she felt, in consequence of this unworthy treatment, but the united pangs of all together, which produced a sort of hysteric laugh, while she told him that she could not help admiring his generosity. Deceived by this convulsion, and the ironical compliment that attended ft, the lover thought he had already made great progress in his operations, and that it was now his bu- siness to storm the fort by a vigorous assault, that he might 444! THE ADVENTURES OP spare her the confusion of yielding without resistance. Pos- sessed by this vain suggestion, he started up, and folding her in his arms, began to obey the furious dictates of his un- ruly and ungenerous desire. With an air of cool determi- nation, she demanded a parley ; and when, upon her repeat- ed request, he granted it, addressed herself to him in these words, while her eyes gleamed with all the dignity of the most awful resentment. ' Sir, I scorn to upbraid you with a re- petition of your former vows and protestations, nor will I re- capitulate the little arts you have practised to ensnare my heart ; because, though by dint of the most perfidious dis- simulation, you have found means to deceive my opinion, your utmost efforts have never been able to lull the vigilance of my conduct, or to engage my affection beyond the power of discarding you without a tear, whenever my honour should demand such a sacrifice. Sir, you are unworthy of my concern or regret, and the sigh that now struggles from my breast, is the result of sorrow for my own want of discern- ment. As for your present attempt upon my chastity, I despise your power, as I detest your intention. Though, under the mask of the most delicate respect, you have de- coyed me from the immediate protection of my friends, and contrived other impious stratagems to ruin my peace and reputation, I confide too much in my own innocence, and the authority of the law, to admit one thought of fear, much less to sink under the horror of this shocking situation, into which I have been seduced. Sir, your behaviour on this occasion is, in all respects, low and contemptible : for, ruffian as you are, you durst not harbour the thought of executing your execrable scheme while you knew my bro- ther was near enough to prevent or revenge the insult ; so that you must not only be a treacherous villain, but also a most despicable coward.' Having expressed herself in this manner, with a most majestic severity of aspect, she opened the door, and, walking down stairs with surprising resolu- tion, committed herself to the care of a watchman, who ac- commodated her with a hackney chair, in which she was safely conveyed to her uncle's house. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 445 Meanwhile, the lover was so confounded and overawed by these cutting reproaches, and her animated behaviour, that all his resolution forsook him, and he found himself not only incapable of obstructing her retreat, but even of utter- ing one syllable to deprecate her wrath, or extenuate the guilt of his own conduct. The nature of his disappointment, and the keen remorse that seized him, when he reflected upon the dishonourable footing on which his character stood with Emilia, raised such perturbation in his mind, that his silence was succeeded by a violent fit of distraction, during which he raved like a bedlamite, and acted a thousand ex- travagancies, which convinced the people of the house (a certain bagnio), that he had actually lost his wits. Pipes, with great concern, adopted the same opinion ; and, being assisted by the waiters, hindered him, by main force, from running out and pursuing the fair fugitive, whom, in his delirium, he alternately cursed and commended, with horrid imprecations and lavish applause. His faithful valet, having "waited two whole hours, in hopes of seeing this gust of pas- sion overblown, and perceiving that the paroxysm seemed rather to increase, very prudently sent for a physician of his master's acquaintance, who, having considered the circum- stances and symptoms of the disorder, directed that he should be plentifully blooded, without loss of time, and prescribed a draught to compose the tumult of his spirits. These or- ders being punctually performed, he grew more calm and tractable, recovered his reflection so far as to be ashamed of the ecstacy he had undergone, suffered himself quietly to be undressed and put to bed, where the fatigue, occasioned by his exercise at the masquerade, co-operated with the present dissipation of his spirits to lull him into a profound sleep, which greatly tended to the preservation of his intel- lects : not that he found himself in a state of perfect tran- quillity when he waked about noon. The remembrance of what had pased overwhelmed him with mortification. Emilia's invectives still sounded in his ears ; and, while he deeply resented her disdain, he could not help admiring her spirit; and his heart did homage to her charms. 446 TUE ADVENTURES OF CHArTER LXXVII. He endeavours to reconcile himself to his mistress^ and ex- postulates with the uncle, whojbrbids Mm the house. J N -this state of division, he went home to his own lodgings in a chair ; and while he dehberated with himself whether he should relinquish the pursuit, and endeavour to banish her idea from his breast, or go immediately and humble himself before his exasperated mistress, and offer his hand as an atonement for his crime, his servant put in his hand a packet, which had been delivered by a ticket-porter at the door. He no sooner perceived that the superscription was in Emilia's hand writing, than he guessed the nature of the contents; and opening the seal with disordered eagerness, found the jewels he had given to her, inclosed in a billet, couched in these words : * That I may have no cause to reproach myself with having retained the least memorial of a wretch whom I equally despise and abhor, I take this opportunity of restoring these ineffectual instruments of his infamous design upon the honour of • Emilia.' His chagrin was so much galled and inflamed at the bitterness of this contemptuous message, that he gnawed his fingers till the blood ran over his nails, and even wept with vexation. Sometimes he vowed revenge against her haughty virtue, and reviled himself for his precipitate declaration, before his scheme was brought to maturity ; then he would consider her behaviour with reverence and regard, and bow before the irresistible power of her attractions. In short, his breast was torn by conflicting passions ; love, shame, and remorse, contended with vanity, ambition, and revenge; and the superiority was still doubtful, when headstrong de- sire interposed, and decided in favour of an attempt towards a reconciliation with the offended fair. Impelled by this motive, he set out in the afternoon for the house of her uncle, not without hopes of that tender enjoyment, which never fails to attend an accommodation PEREGRINE PICKLE. 447 betwixt two lovers of taste and sensibility. Though the con- sciousness of his trespass encumbered him with an air of awkward confusion, he was too confident of his own qualifi- cations and address to despair of forgiveness ; and, by the time he arrived at the citizen's gate, he had conned a very artful and pathetic harangue, which he proposed to utter in his own behalf, laying the blame of his conduct on the impetuosity of his passion, increased by the Burgundy, which he had too liberally drank : but he did not meet with an opportunity to avail himself of this preparation. Emilia, suspecting that he would take some step of this kind to re- trieve her favour, had gone abroad, on pretence of visiting, after having signified to her kinsman her resolution to avoid the company of Peregrine, on account of some ambiguities, which (she said) were last night remarkable in his demean- our at the masquerade. She chose to insinuate her suspi- cion in these hints, rather than give an explicit detail of the young man's dishonourable contrivance, which might have kindled the resentment of the family to some dangerous pitch of animosity and revenge. Our adventurer, finding himself baffled in his expectation of seeing her, inquired for the old gentleman, with whom he thought he had influence enough to make his apology good, in case he should find him prepossessed by the young lady's information. But here too he was disappointed, the uncle having gone to dine in the country, and his wife was in- disposed ; so that he had no pretext for staying in the house till the return of his charm.er. Being, however, fruitful of expedients, he dismissed his chariot, and took possession of a room in a tavern, the windows of which fronted the merchant's gate ; and there he proposed to watch until he should see her approach. This scheme he put in practice with indefatigable patience, though it was not attended with the expected success. Emilia, whose caution was equally vigilant and commend- able, foreseeing that she might be exposed to the fertility of his invention, came home by a private passage, and en- tered by a postern, which was altogether unknown to her 448 THE ADVENTURES OP admirer ; and her uncle did not arrive until it was so late that he could not, with any decency, demand a conference. Next morning he did not fail to present himself at the door ; and his mistress being denied by her own express di- rection, insisted upon seeing the master of the house, who received him with such coldness of civility, as plainly gave him to understand that he was acquainted with the displea- sure of his niece. He, therefore, with an air of candour, told the citizen, he could easily perceive by his behaviour that he was the confidant of Miss Emily, of whom he was come to ask pardon for the offence he had given ; and did not doubt, if he could be admitted to her presence, that he should be able to convince her that he had not erred inten- tionally, or at least propose such reparation as would effec- tually atone for his fault. To this remonstrance the merchant, without any cere- mony or circumlocution, answered, that though he was ig- norant of the nature of his offence, he was very certain that it must have been something very flagrant that could ir- ritate his niece to such a degree, against a person for whom she had formerly a most particular regard. He owned, she had declared her intention to renounce his acquaintance for ever, and, doubtless, she had good reason for so doing ; nei- ther would he undertake to promote an accommodation, unless he would give him full power to treat on the score of matrimony, which he supposed would be the only means of evincing his own sincerity, and obtaining Emilia's for- giveness. Peregrine's pride was kindled by this blunt declaration, which he could not help considering as the result of a scheme concerted betwixt the young lady and her uncle, in order to take the advantage of his heat. He therefore replied, with manifest signs of disgust, that he did not apprehend there was any occasion for a mediator to reconcile the difference betwixt Emilia and him ; and that all he desired was an op- portunity of pleading in his own behalf. The citizen frankly told him, that, as his niece had ex- pressed an earnest desire of avoiding his company, he would PEREGRINE PICKLE. 449 not put the least constraint upon her inclination ; and, in the meantime, gave him to know, that he was particularly engaged. Our hero, glowing with indignation at this supercilious treatment, ' I was in the wrong,"* said he, ' to look for good manners so far on this side of Temple-bar : but you must give me leave to tell you. Sir, that unless I am favoured with an interview with Miss Gauntlet, I shall conclude that you have actually laid a constraint upon her inclination, for some sinister purposes of your own.' ' Sir,' replied the old gen- tleman, ' you are welcome to make what conclusions shall seem good unto your own imagination ; but pray be so good as to allow me the privilege of being master in my own house.' So saying, he very complaisantly shewed him to the door ; and our lover, being diffident of his own temper, as well as afraid of being used with greater indignity, in a place where his personal prowess would only serve to heighten his dis- grace, quitted the house in a transport of rage, which he could not wholly suppress, telling the landlord, that if his age did not protect him, he would have chastised him for his insolent behaviour. CHAPTER LXXVIII. He projects a violent scheme^ in consequence of which he is involved in a most fat'iguhig adventure^ xohich greatly tends towards the augmentation of his chagrin. J. Hus debarred of personal communication with his mis- tress, he essayed to retrieve her good graces by the most sub- missive and pathetic letters, which he conveyed by divers ar- tifices to her perusal ; but reaping no manner of benefit from these endeavours, his passion acquired a degree of impa- tience little inferior to downright frenzy ; and he determined to run every risk of life, fortune, and reputation, rather than desist from his unjustifiable pursuit. Indeed, his resentment was now as deeply concerned as his love, and each of these passions equally turbulent and loud in demanding gratinca- Vol. 11. F f 450 THE ADVENTURES OF tion. He kept centinels continually in pay, to give him notice of her outgoings, in expectation of finding some op- portunity to carry her off; but her circuraspection entirely frustrated this design ; for she suspected every thing of that sort from a disposition like his, and regulated her motions ac- cordingly. Baffled by her prudence and penetration, he altered his plan. On pretence of being called to his country house by some affair of importance, he departed from London, and, taking lodgings at a farmer's house that stood near the road through which she must have necessarily passed in her return to her mother, concealed himself from all intercourse, except with his valet de chambre and Pipes, who had orders to scour the country, and reconnoitre every horse, coach, or carriage, that should appear on that highway, with a view of intercepting his Amanda in her passage. Pie had waited in this ambuscade a whole week, when his valet gave him notice, that he and his fellow-scout had dis- covered a chaise and six, driving at full speed towards them ; upon which they had flapped their hats over their eyes, so as they might not be known, in case they should be seen, and concealed themselves behind a hedge, from whence they could perceive in the carriage, as it passed, a young man plainly dressed, with a lady in a mask, of the exact size, shape, and air, of Emilia ; and that Pipes followed them at a distance, while he rode back to communicate this piece of intelligence. Peregrine would scarce allow him time to conclude his information. He ran down to the stable, where his horse was kept ready saddled for the purpose, and never doubting that the lady in question was his mistress, attended by one of her uncle's clerks, mounted immediately, and rode full gallop after the chaise, which (when he had proceeded about two miles) he understood from Pipes, had put up at a neigh- bouring inn. Though his inclination prompted him to en- ter her apartment without farther delay, he suffered himself to be dissuaded from taking such a precipitate step, by his privy counsellor, who observed, that it would be impracti- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 451 cable to execute his purpose of conveying her against her will from a public inn, that stood in the midst of a populous village, which would infallibly rise in her defence. He ad- vised him therefore to lie in wait for the chaise, in some re- mote and private part of the road, where they might ac- complish their aim without difficulty or danger. In conse- quence of this admonition, our adventurer ordered Pipes to reconnoitre the inn, that she might not escape another way, while he and the valet, in order to avoid being seen, took a circuit by an unfrequented path, and placed themselves in ambush, on a spot which they chose for the scene of their achievement. Here they tarried a full hour, without seeing the carriage, or hearing from their centiuel ; so that the youth, unalile to exert his patience one moment longer, left the foreigner in his station, and rode back to his faithful lacquey, who assured him, that the travellers had not yet hove up their anchor, or proceeded on their voyage Notwithstanding this intimation, Pickle began to entertain such alarming suspicions, that he could not refrain from ad- vancing to the gate, and inquiring for the company which had lately arrived in a chaise and six. The innkeeper, who was not at all pleased with the behaviour of those passengers, did not think proper to observe the instructions he had received ; on the contrary, he plainly told him, that the chaise did not halt, but only entered at one door, and went out at the other, with a view to deceive those who pursued it, as he guessed from the words of the gentleman, who had earnestly desired that his route might be concealed from any person who should inquire about their motions. ' As for my own peart, measter,' continued this charitable publican, ' I believes as how they are no better than they should be, else they wouldn't be in such a deadly fear of being overtaken. Methinks, said I, (when I saw them in such a woundy pother to be gone), oddsheartlikins ! this must be some London 'prentice running away with his measter's daughter, as sure as I'm a living soul. But, be he who he will, sartain it is, a has nothing of the gentleman about en \ for, thof a asked such a favour, a never once put hand in pocket, or said, * dog, 45f2 THE ADVENTURES OF ■will you clvink ?' Howsomever, that don't argufy in reverence of his being in a hurry ; and a man may be sometimes a little too judgmatical in his conjectures.'' In all probability, this loquacious landlord would have served the traveller effec- tually, had Peregrine heard him to an end ; but this impe- tuous youth, far from listening to the sequel of his obser- vations, interrupted him in the beginning of his career, by asking eagerly which road they followed ; and, having re- ceived the innkeeper's directions, clapped spurs to his horse, commanding Pipes to make the valet acquainted with his course, that they might attend him with all imaginable dis- patch. By the publican's account of their conduct, his former opinion was fully confirmed. He plied his steed to the height of his mettle ; and so much was his imagination en- grossed by the prospect of having Emilia in his power, that he did not perceive the road on which he travelled was quite different from that which led to the habitation of Mrs Gauntlet. The valet de chambre was an utter stranger to that part of the country ; and, as for Mr Pipes, such con- siderations were altogether foreign to the economy of his re- flection. Ten long miles had our hero rode, when his eyes were blessed with the sight of the chaise ascending an hill, at the distance of a good league ; upon which he doubled his di- ligence in such a manner, that he gained upon the carriage every minute, and at length approaciied so near to it, that he could discern the lady and her conductor, with their heads thrust out at the windows, looking back, and speaking to the driver alternately, as if they earnestly besought him to augment the speed of his cattle. Being thus, as it were, in sight of port, while he crossed the road, his horse happened to plunge into a cart rut with such violence, that he was thrown several yards over his head ; and the beast's shoulder being slipped by the fall, he found himself disabled from plucking the fruit, which was almost within his reach ; for he had left his servants at a con- siderable distance behind him ; and although they had been PEREGRINE PICKLE. 453 at his back, and supplied him with another horse, they were so indifferently mounted, that he could not reasonably ex- pect to overtake the flyers, who profited so much by this disaster, that the chaise vanished in a moment. It may be easily conceived how a young man of his dis- position passed his time, in this tantalizing situation. He ejaculated with great fervency ; but his prayers were not the effects of resignation. He ran back on foot, with incredible speed, in order to meet his valet, whom he unhorsed in a twinlding ; and, taking his eeat, began to exercise his whip and spurs, after having ordered the Swiss to follow him on the other gelding, and committed the lame hunter to the care of Pipes. Matters being adjusted in this manner, our adventurer prosecuted the race with all his might ; and, having made some progress, was informed by a countryman that the chaise had struck off into another road, and, according to his judgment, was by that time about three miles a htad ; though, in all probability, the horses would not be able to hold out much longer, because they seemed to be quite spent when they passed his door. Encouraged by this intimation, Peregrine pushed on with great alacrity, though he could not regain sight of the desired object, till the clouds of night began to deepen, and even then he enjoyed nothing more than a transient glimpse ; for the carriage was no sooner seen, than shrouded again from his view. These vex- atious circumstances animated his endeavours, while they irritated his chagrin : in short, he continued his pursuit till the night was far advanced, and himself so uncertain about the object of his care, that he entered a solitary inn, with a view of obtaining some intelligence, when, to his infinite joy, he perceived the chaise standing by itself, and the horses panting in the yard. In full confidence of his having ar- rived at last at the goal of all his wishes, he alighted instan- taneously, and, running up to the coachman, with a pistol in his hand, commanded him, in an imperious tone, to con- duct him to the lady's chamber on pain of death. The driver affrighted at this menacing address, protested, with 454) THE ADVENTURES OF great humility, that he did not know whither his fare had retired ; for that he himself was paid and dismissed from the service, because he would not undertake to drive them all night, cross the country, without stopping to refresh his horses ; but he promised to go in quest of the waiter, who would shew him to their apartment. He was accordingly detached on that errand, while our hero stood centinel at the gate, till the arrival of his valet de chambre, who, join- ing him by accident, before the coachman returned, relieved him in his watch ; and then the young gentleman, exas- perated at his messenger's delay, rushed with fury in his eyes, from room to room, denouncing vengeance upon the whole family ; but he did not meet with one living soul, until he entered the garret, where he found the landlord and his wife in bed. This chicken-hearted couple, by the light of a rush-candle, that burned on the hearth, seeing a stranger burst into the chamber, in such a terrible attitude, were seized with consternation ; and, exalting their voices, in a most lamentable strain, begged, for the passion of Christ, that he would spare their lives, and take all they had. Peregrine guessing, from this exclamation, and the cir- cumstance of their being a-bed, that they mistook him for a robber, and were ignorant of that which he wanted to know, dispelled their terror, by making them acquainted with the cause of his visit, and desired the husband to get up with all possible dispatch, in order to assist and attend him in his search. Thus reinforced, he rummaged every corner of the inn, and, at last, finding the ostler in the stable, was by him in- formed (to his unspeakable mortification), that the gentleman and lady who arrived in the chaise, had immediately hired post-horses for a certain village at the distance of fifteen miles, and departed without halting for the least refreshment. Our adventurer, mad with his disappointment, mounted his horse in an instant, and with his attendant, took the same road, with full determination to die, rather than desist from the prosecution of his design. He had, by this time, rode up- wards of thirty miles since three o'clock in the afternoon ; PEREGRINE PICKLE. 455 SO that the horses were almost quite jaded, and travelled this stage so slowly, that it was morning before they reached the place of their destination, where, far from finding the fugitives, he understood, that no such persons as he descrii»ed had passed that way, and that, in all likelihood, they had taken a quite contrary direction, while, in order to mislead him in his pursuit, they had amused the ostler with a false route. This conjecture was strengthened by his perceiving (now for the first time) that he had deviated a considerable way from the road, through which they must have jour- nied, in order to arrive at the place of her mother's resi- dence ; and these suggestions utterly deprived him of the small remains of recollection which he had hitherto retained. His eyes rolled about, witnessing rage and distraction ; he foamed at the mouth, stamped upon the ground with great violence, uttered incoherent imprecations against himself and all mankind, and would have sallied forth again, he knew not whither, upon the same horse, which he had al- ready almost killed with fatigue, had not his confidant found means to quiet the tumult of his thoughts, and recal his re- flection, by representing the condition of the poor animals, and advising him to hire fresh horses, and ride post across the country, to the village in the neighbourhood of Mrs Gaunt- let's habitation, where they should infallibly intercept the daughter, provided they could get the start of her upon the road. Peregrine not only relished, but forthwith acted in con- formity with, this good counsel. His own horses were com- mitted to the charge of the landlord, with directions for Pipes, in case he should come in quest of his master ; and a couple of stout geldings being prepared, he and his valet took the road again, steering their course according to the motions of the post boy, who undertook to be their guide. They had almost finished the first stage, when they descried a post- chaise just halting at the inn where they proposed to change horses ; upon which our adventurer, glowing with a most interesting presage, put his beast to the full speed, and ap- proached near enough to distinguish (as the travellers quitted 4i56 THE ADVENTURES OF the carriage) that he had at last come up with the very in- dividual persons whom he had pursued so long. Flushed with this discovery, he galloped into the yard so suddenly, that the lady and her conductor scarce had time to shut themselves up in a chamber, to which they retreated with great precipitation ; so that the pursuer was now certain of having housed his prey. That he might, however, leave nothing to fortune, he placed himself upon the stair by which they had ascended to the apartment, and sent up his compli- ments to the young lady, desiring the favour of being admit- ted to her presence, otherwise he should be obliged to wave all ceremony, and take that liberty which she would not give. The servant, having conveyed his message through the key- hole, returned with an answer, importing, that she would adhere to the resolution she had taken, and perish rather than comply with his will. Our adventurer, without staying to make any rejoinder to this reply, ran up stairs, and, thunder- ing at the door for entrance, was given to understand by the nymph's attendant, that a blunderbuss was ready primed for his reception, and that he would do well to spare him the necessity of shedding blood in defence of a person who had put herself under his protection. ' All the laws of the land,' said he, ' cannot now untie the knots by which we are bound together ; and therefore I will guard her as my own property ; so that you had better desist from your fruitless attempt, and thereby consult your own safety ; for, by the God that made me ! I will discharge my piece upon you, as soon as you set your nose within the door — and your blood be upon your own liead.' These menaces from a citizen's clerk, would have been sufficient motives for Pickle to storm the breach, although they had not been reinforced by that declaration, which in- formed him of Emilia's having bestowed herself in marriage upon such a contemptible rival. This sole consideration added wings to his impetuosity, and he applied his foot to the door, with such irresistible force, as bursted it open in an instant, entering at the same time with a pistol ready cocked in his hand. His antagonist, instead of firing his blunderbuss, when he saw him approach, started back, with evident signs of sur- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 457 prise and consternation, exclaiming, * Lord Jesus ! Sir, you are not the man ! and, without doubt, are under some mis- take with regard to us.' Before Peregrine had time to answer this salutation, the lady hearing it, advanced to him, and pulling off a mask, discovered a face which he had never seen before. The Gorgon's head, according to the fables of antiquity, never had a more instantaneous or petrifying effect, than that which this countenance produced upon the astonished youth. His eyes were fixed upon this unknown object, as if they had been attracted by the power of enchantment, his feet seemed ri vetted to the ground, and, after having stood motionless for the space of a few minutes, he dropped down in an apo- plexy of disappointment and despair. The Swiss, who had followed him, seeing his master in this condition, lifted him up, and laying him upon a bed in the next room, let him blood immediately, without hesitation, being always pro- vided with a case of lancets against all accidents on the road. To this foresight our hero, in all probability, was indebted for his life. By virtue of a very copious evacuation, he re- covered the use of his senses ; but the complication of fatigues and violent transports, which he had undergone, brewed up a dangerous fever in his blood ; and a physician being call- ed from the next market-town, several days elapsed before he would answer for his life. CHAPTER LXXIX. Peregrine sends a message to Mrs Gauntlet , who rejects Ids 'proposal — he repairs to the garrison. At length, however, his constitution overcame his disease, though not before it had in a great measure tamed the fury of his disposition, and brought him to a serious consideration of his conduct. In this humiliation of his spirits, he reflected with shame and remorse upon his treachery to the fair, the innocent Emilia ; he remembered his former sentiments in her 458 THE ADVENTURES OF favour, as well as the injunctions of his dying uncle ; he re- collected his intimacy with her brother, against which he had so basely sinned ; and, revolving all the circumstances of her conduct, found it so commendable, spirited, and noble, that he deemed her an object of sufficient dignity to merit his honourable addresses, even though his duty had not been concerned in the decision : but obligated as he was to make reparation to a worthy family, which he had so grossly in- jured, he thought he could not manifest his reformation too soon ; and, whenever he found himself able to hold the pen, wrote a letter to Mrs Gauntlet, wherein he acknowledged, with many expressions of sorrow and contrition, that he had acted a part altogether unbecoming a man of honour, and should never enjoy the least tranquillity of mind, until he should have merited her forgiveness. He protested, that although his happiness entirely depended upon the deter- mination of Emilia, he would even renounce all hope of being blessed with her favour, if she could point out any other me- thod of making reparation to that amiable young lady, but by laying his heart and fortune at her feet, and submitting himself to her pleasure during the remaining part of his life. He conjured her, therefore, in the most pathetic manner, to pardon him in consideration of his sincere repentance, and to use her maternal influence with her daughter, so as that he might be permitted to wait upon her with a wedding ring, as soon as his health would allow him to undertake the journey. This explanation being dispatched by Pipes, who had, by this time, found his master, the young gentleman inquired about the couple whom he had so unfortunately pursued, and understood from his valet de chambre, who learned the story from their own mouths, that the lady was the only daughter of a rich Jew, and her attendant no other than his appren- tice, who had converted her to Christianity, and married her at the same time; that this secret having taken air, the old Israelite had contrived a scheme to separate them for ever; and they, being apprised of his intention, had found means to elope from his house, with a view of sheltering themselves in France, until the affair could be made up ; that, seeing PEREGRINE PICKLE. 459 three men ride after them with such eagerness and speed, they never doubted that the pursuers were her father, and some friends or domestics, and on that supposition had fled with the utmost dispatch and trepidation, until they had found themselves happily undeceived, at that very instant when they expected nothing but mischief and misfortune. Lastly, the Swiss gave him to understand, that, after having profess- ed some concern for his deplorable situation, and enjoyed a slight refreshment, they had taken their departure for Dover, and, in all likelihood, were safely arrived at Paris. In four-and- twenty hours after Pipes was charged with his commission, he brought back an answer from the mother of Emilia, couched in these words : * Sir, I received the favour of yours, and am glad, for your own sake, that you have attained a due sense and convictioD of your unkind and unchristian behaviour to poor Emy. I thank God, none of my children were ever so insulted before. Give me leave to tell you, Sir, my daughter was no upstart, without friends or education, but a young lady as well brtd, and better born, than most private gentlewomen in the kingdom j and, therefore, though you had no esteem for her person, you ought to have paid some regard to her family, which (no disparagement to you, Sir) is more honourable than your own. As for your proposal, Miss Gauntlet will not hear of it, being that she thinks her honour will not allow her to listen to any terms of reconciliation ; and she is not yet so destitute, as to embrace an offer to which she has the least objection In the meantime, she is so much indisposed, that she cannot possibly see company ; so I beg you will not take the trouble of making a fruitless journey to this place. Per- haps jour future conduct may deserve her forgiveness ; and real- ly, as 1 am concerned for your happiness (which you assure me depends upon her condescension). I wish with all my heart it may ; and am (notwithstanding all that has happened) * Your sincere well-wisher, * Cecilia Gauntlet.' From this epistle, and the information of his messenger, our hero learned, that his mistress had actually profited by his wild-goose chase, so as to make a safe retreat to her mo- "ther's hous6. Though sorry to hear of her indisposition, he was also piqued at her implacability, as well as at some 460 THE ADVENTURES 6F stately paragraphs of the letter, in which (he thought) the good lady had consulted her own vanity, rather than her good sense. These motives of resentment helped him to bear his disappointment like a philosopher, especially as he had now quieted his conscience, in proffering to redress the in- jury he had done ; and, moreover, found himself, with re- gard to his love, in a calm state of hope and resignation. A seasonable fit of illness is an excellent medicine for the turbulence of passion. Such a reformation had the fever pro- duced in the economy of his thoughts, that he moralized like an apostle, and projected several prudential schemes for his future conduct. In the meantime, as soon as his health was sufficiently re-established, he took a trip to the garrison, in order to visit his friends ; and learned from Hatchway's own mouth, that he had broke the ice of courtship to his aunt, and that his addresses were now fairly afloat ; though, when he first declared himself to the widow, after she had been duly pre- pared for the occasion, by her niece and the rest of her friends, she had received his proposal with a becoming re- serve, and piously wept at the remembrance of her husband, observing, that she should never meet with his fellow. Peregrine promoted the lieutenant's suit with all his in- fluence; and all Mrs Trunnion's objections to the match being surmounted, it was determined, that the day of mar- riage should be put off" for three months, that her reputation might not suffer by a precipitate engagement. His next care was to give orders for erecting a plain marble monument to the memory of his uncle, on which the following inscription, composed by the bridegroom, actually appeared in golden letters. Here lies. Foundered in a fathom and half. The shell Of HAWSER TRUNNION, Esu. Formerly commander of a squadron In his majesty's service, "Who broach'd to, at five P. M. Oct, x, In the year of his age Threescore and nineteen. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 461 He kept his guns always loaded. And his tackle ready mann'd. And never shewed his poop to the enemy Except when he took her in tow ; But, His shot being expended. His match burnt out. And his upper works decayed, He was sunk By Death's superior weight of metal. Nevertheless, He will be weighed again At the Great Day, His rigging refitted, And his timbers repaired. And with one broadside. Make his adversary Strike in his turn. CHAPTER LXXX. He returns to London, and meets with Cadwallader, who entertains him with many curioiis particulars — Crabtree sounds the duchess, and undeceives Pickle, who, by an extraordinary accident, becomes acquainted with another lady of quality. X HE young gentleman having performed these last offices in honour of his deceased benefactor, and presented Mr Jolter to the long-expected living, which at this time happened to be vacant, returned to London, and resumed his former gaiety — not that he was able to shake Emilia from his thought, or even to remember her without violent emotions ; for, as he recovered his vigour, his former impatience recurred ; and, therefore, he resolved to plunge himself headlong into some intrigue, that might engage his passions and amuse his imagination. A man of his accomplishments could not fail to meet with a variety of subjects on which his gallantry would have been properly exercised ; and this abundance distracted his choice, which at any time was apt to be influenced by caprice and whim. I have already observed, that he had lifted his view, through a matrimonial perspective, as high as a lady of the first quality and distinction ; and, now that he was refused 462 THE ADVENTURES OF by Miss Gauntlet, and enjoyed a little respite from the ago- nies of that flame which her charms had kindled in his heart, he renewed his assiduities to her grace. Though he durst not yet risk an explanation, he enjoyed the pleasure of seeing himself so well received in quality of a particular acquaint- ance, that he flattered himself with the belief of his having made some progress in her heart ; and was confirmed in this conceited notion by the assurances of her woman, whom, by liberal largesses, he retained in his interest, because she found means to persuade him that she was in the confidence of her lady. But, notwithstanding this encouragement, and the sanguine suggestions of his own vanity, he dreaded the thoughts of exposing himself to her ridicule and resentment by a premature declaration, and determined to postpone his addresses, until he should be more certified of the probability of succeeding in his attempt. While he remained in this hesitation and suspense, he was one morning very agreeably surprised with the appearance of his friend Crabtree, who, by the permission of Pipes, to whom he was well known, entered his chamber before he was awake, and, by a violent shake of the shoulder, disen- gaged him from the arms of sleep. The first compliments having mutually passed, Cadwaliader gave him to under- stand, that he had arrived in town overnight in the stage- coach from Bath, and entertained him with such a ludicrous account of his fellow-travellers, that Peregrine, for the first time since their parting, indulged himself in mirth, even to the hazard of suffocation. Crabtree, having rehearsed these adventures, in such a pe- culiarity of manner as added infinite ridicule to every cir- cumstance, and repeated every scandalous report which had circulated at Bath after Peregrine's departure, was informed by the youth, that he harboured a design upon the person of such a duchess, and in all appearance had no reason to complain of his reception ; but that he would not venture to declare himself, until he should be more ascertained of her sentiments ; and therefore he begged leave to depend upon the intelligence of his friend Cadwaliader, who, he knew, was admitted to her parties. PEREGRINE PICKLE. 463 The misanthrope, before he would promise his assistance, asked if his prospect verged towards matrimony ? and our adventurer (who guessed the meaning of his question) re- plying in the negative, he undertook the office of reconnoi- tering her inclination, protesting, at the same time, that he would never concern himself in any scheme that did not tend to the disgrace and deception of all the sex. On these con- ditions he espoused the interest of our hero ; and a plan was immediately concerted, in consequence of which they met by accident at her grace's table. Pickle having staid all the fore-part of the evening, and sat out all the company, except the misanthrope and a certain widow lady, who was said to be in the secrets of my lady duchess, went away on pretence of an indispensable engagement, that Crabtree might have a proper opportunity of making him the subject of conver- sation. Accordingly, he had scarce quitted the apartment, when this cynic, attending him to the door with a look of morose disdain, * were I an absolute prince,' said he, ' and that fellow one of my subjects, I would order him to be clothed in sackcloth, and he should drive my asses to water, that his lofty spirit might be lowered to the level of his deserts. The pride of a peacock is downright self-denial, when compared with the vanity of that coxcomb, which was naturally arro- gant, but is now rendered altogether intolerable, by the re- putation he acquired at Bath, for kicking a bully, outwitting a club of raw sharpers, and divers other pranks, in the exe- cution of which he was more lucky than wise. But nothing has contributed so much to the increase of his insolence and self-conceit, as the favour he found among the ladies. Ay, the ladies, madam, I care not who knows it — the ladies, who (to their honour be it spoken) never fail to patronize foppery and folly, provided they solicit their encouragement. And yet this dog was not on the footing of those hermaphroditical animals, who may be reckoned among the number of wait- ing-women, who air your shifts, comb your lap-dogs, examine your noses with magnifying glasses, in order to squeeze out the worms, clean your teeth-brushes, sweeten your handker- 464) THE ADVENTURES OF chiefs, and soften waste paper for your occasions. This fel- low Pickle was entertained for more important purposes ; his turn of duty never came till all those lapwings were gone to roost ; then he scaled windows, leaped over garden walls, and was let in by Mrs Betty in the dark. Nay, the magis- trates of Bath complimented him with the freedom of the corporation, merely because, through his means, the waters had gained extraordinary credit ; for every female of a toler- able appearance, that went thither on account of her steri- lity, got the better of her complaint, during her residence at Bath ; and now the fellow thinks no woman can withstand his addresses. He had not been here tln-ee minutes, when I could perceive, with half an eye, that he had marked out your grace for a conquest — I mean in an honourable way ; though the rascal has impudence enough to attempt any thing.' So saying, he fixed his eyes upon the duchess, who (while her face glowed with indignation), turning to her con- fidant, expressed herself in these words : ' upon my life ! I believe there is actually some truth in what this old ruffian says ; I have myself observed tliat young fellow eyeing me with a very particular stare.' ' It is not to be at all wondered at,' said her friend, ' that a youth of his complexion should be sensible to the charms of your grace ! but I dare say he would not presume to entertain any but the most honourable and respectful sentiments.' ' Respectful sentiments !' cried my lady, with a look of ineffable disdain, ' if I thought the fellow had assurance enough to think of me in any shape, 1 protest I would forbid hin^ my house. Upon my honour, such instances of audacity should induce persons of quality to keep your small gentry at a greater distance ; for they are very apt to grow impudent, upon the least countenance or encouragement.' Cadwallader, satisfied with this declaration, changed the subject of discoui'se, and next day communicated his dis- covery to his friend Pickle, who upon this occasion felt the most stinging sensations of mortified pride, and resolved to quit his prospect with a good grace. Nor did the execution of this self-denying scheme cost him one moment's uneasi- PEREGRINE PICKLE. 465 iiess; for his heart had never been interested in the pursuit, and his vanity triumphed in the thoughts of manifesting his indifference. Accordingly, the very next time he visited her grace, his behaviour was remarkably frank, sprightly, and disengaged ; and the subject of love being artfully intro- duced by the widow, who had been directed to sound his in- clinations, he rallied the passion with great ease and severity, and made no scruple of declaring himself heart-whole. Though the duchess had resented his supposed affection, she was now offended at his insensibility, and even signified her disgust, by observing, that perhaps his attention to his own qualifications screened him from the impression of all other objects. While he enjoyed this sarcasm, the meaning of which he could plainly discern, the company was joined by a cer- tain virtuoso, who had gained free access to all the great fa- milies of the land, by his notable talent of gossiping and buffoonery. He was now in the seventy-fifth year of his age ; his birth was so obscure, that he scarce knew his father's name ; his education suitable to the dignity of his descent ; his character publicly branded with homicide, profligacy, and breach of trust ; yet this man by the happy inheritance of impregnable effrontery, and a lucky prostitution of all principle in rendering himself subservient to the appetites of the great, had attained to an independency of fortune, as well as to such a particular share of favour among the qua- lity, that, although he was well known to have pimped for three generations of the nobility, there was not a lady of fashion in the kingdom who scrupled to admit him to her toilette, or even to be squired by him in any place of public entertainment. Not but that this sage was occasionally use- ful to his fellow-creatures, by these connections with people of fortune ; for he often undertook to solicit charity in behalf of distressed objects, with a view of embezzling one half of the benefactions. It was an errand of this kind that now brought him to the house of her grace. After having sat a few minutes, he told the company that lie would favour them with a very proper opportunity to Vol IT. Gg 4>66 THE ADVENTURES OF extend their benevolence, for the relief of a poor gentle- woman, who was reduced to the most abject misery by the death of her husband, and just delivered of a couple of fine boys. They, moreover, understood fi-om his information, that this object was daughter of a good family, who had renounced her in consequence of her marrying an ensign without a fortune, and even obstructed his promotion with all their influence and power : a circumstance of barbarity which had made such an impression upon his mind, as dis- ordered his brain, and drove him to despair, in a fit of which he had made away with himself, leaving his wife, then big with child, to all the horrors of indigence and grief Various were the criticisms on this pathetic picture, which the old man drew with great expression. My lady duchess concluded, that she must be a creature void of all feeling and reflection, who could survive such aggravated misery ; therefore, did not deserve to be relieved, except in the cha- racter of a common beggar ; and was generous enough to ofier a recommendation, by which she would be admitted into an infirmary, to which her grace was a subscriber ; at the same time advising the solicitor to send the twins to the Foundling-hospital, where they would be carefully nursed and brought up, so as to become useful members of the com- monwealth. Another lady, with all due deference to the opinion of the duchess, was free enough to blame the gene- rosity of her grace, which would only serve to encourage children in disobedience to their parents, and might be the means not only of prolonging the distress of the wretched creature, but also of ruining the constitution of some young heir, perhaps the hope of a great family ! for she did sup- pose that madam, when her month should be up, and her brats disposed of, would spread her attractions to the public (provided she could profit by her person), and in the usual way, make a regular progress from S' James's to Drury- lane. She apprehended, for these reasons, that their com- passion would be most effectually shown in leaving her to perish in her present necessity ; and that the old gentleman would be unpardonable, should he persist in his endeavours IPEREGRINE PICKLE. 467 to relieve her. A third member of this tender-hearted so- ciety, after having asked if the young woman was handsome, and being answered in the negative, allowed that there was a great deal of reason in what had been said by the honour- able person who had spoke last ; nevertheless, she humbly conceived her sentence would admit of some mitigation. ' Let the bantlings,' said she, ' be sent to the hospital, ac- cording to the advice of her grace, and a small collection be made for the present support of the mother ; and, when her health is recovered, I will take her into my family, in qua- lity of an upper servant, or medium between me and my woman ; for, upon my life ! I can't endure to chide or give directions to a creature, who is, in point of birth and edu- cation, but one degree above the vulgar.' This proposal met with universal approbation. The duchess (to her immortal honour) began the contribution with a crown ; so that the rest of the company were obliged to restrict their liberality to half the sum, that her grace might not be affronted ; and the proposer demanding the poor woman's name and place of abode, the old mediator could not help giving her ladyship a verbal direction, though he was extremely mortified (on more accounts than one) to find such an issue to his solicitation. Peregrine, who, ' though humorous as winter, had a tear for pity, and a hand open as day for melting charity,' was shocked at the nature and result of this ungenerous consul- tation. He contributed his half crown, however ; and, re- tiring from the company, betook himself to the lodgings of the forlorn lady in the straw, according to the direction he had heard. Upon inquiry, he understood that she was then visited by some charitable gentlewoman, who had sent for a nurse, and waited the return of the messenger ; and he sent up his respects, desiring he might be permitted to see her, on pretence of having been intimate with her late husband. Though the poor woman had never heard of his name, she did not think proper to deny his request ; and he was conducted to a paltry chamber in the third story, where he found this unhappy widow sitting upon a truckle-bed, and 486 THE ADVENTURES OF suckling oueof her infants, with the most piteous expression of anguish in her features, which were naturally regular and sweet, while the other was fondled on the knee of a person, whose attention was so much engrossed by her little charge, that for the present she could mind nothing else : and it was not till after the first compliments passed betwixt the hapless mother and our adventurer, that he perceived the stranger's countenance, which inspired him with the highest esteem and admiration. He beheld all the graces of elegance and beauty, breathing sentiment and beneficence, and softened into the most enchanting tenderness of weeping sympathy. When he declared the cause of his visit, which was no other than the desire of befriending the distressed lady, to whom he presented a bank-note for twenty pounds, he was favoured with such a look of complacency by this amiable phantom, who might have been justly taken for an angel ministering to the necessities of mortals, that his whole soul was trans- ported with love and veneration. Nor was this preposses- sion diminished by the information of the widow, who, after having manifested her gratitude in a flood of tears, told him, that the unknown object of his esteem was a person of honour, who, having heard by accident of her deplorable situation, had immediately obeyed the dictates of her hu- manity, and come in person to relieve her distress ; that she had not only generously supplied her with money for pre- sent sustenance, but also undertaken to provide a nurse for her babes, and even promised to favour her with protection, should she survive her present melancholy situation. To these articles of intelligence she added, that the name of her benefactress was the celebrated Lady , to whose cha- racter the youth was no stranger, though he had never seen her person before. The killing edge of her charms was a little blunted by the accidents of time and fortune ; but no man of taste and imagination, whose nerves were not quite chilled with the frost of age, could, even at that time, look upon her with impunity. And as Peregrine saw her attrac- tions heightened by the tender office in which she was en- gaged, he was smitten with her beauty, and so ravished with PEREGRINE PICKLE. 469 her compassion, that he could not suppress his emotions, but applauded her benevolence with all the warmth of en- thusiasm. Her ladyship received his compliments with great polite- ness and affability. And the occasion on which they met be- ing equally interesting to both, an acquaintance commenced between them, and they concerted measures for the benefit of the widow and her two children, one of whom our hero bespoke for his own godson ; for Pickle was not so o])scuro in the beau raonde, but that his fame had reached the ears of this lady, who, therefore, did not discourage his advances towards her friendship and esteem. All the particulars relating to their charge being adjusted, he attended her ladyship to her own house ; and, by her conversation, had the pleasure of finding her understanding suitable to her other accomplishments. Nor had she any reason to think that our hero's qualifications had been ex- aggerated by common report. One of their adopted children died before it was baptized ; so that their care concentered in the other, for whom they stood sponsors. Understanding that the old agent was be- come troublesome in his visits to the mother, to whom he now began to administer such counsel as shacked the delicacy of her virtue, they removed her into another lodging, where she would not be exposed to his machinations. In less than a month, our hero learned from a nobleman of his acquaint- ance, that the hoary pander had actually engaged to procure for him this poor afflicted gentlewoman ; and being frustrated in his intention, substituted in her room a nymph from the purlieus of Covent-garden, that made his lordship smart se- verely for the favours she bestowed. Meanwhile, Peregrine cultivated his new acquaintance with all his art and assiduity, presuming, from the circum-^ stances of her reputation and fate, as well as on the strength of his own merit, that, in time, he should be able to indulge that passion which had begun to glow within his breast. As her ladyship had undergone a vast variety of fortune and adventure, which he had heard indistinctly related, with 470 THE ADVENTURES, &C. numberless errors and misrepresentations, he was no sooner entitled by the familiarity of communication, to ask such a favour, than he earnestly entreated her to entertain him with the particulars of her story ; and by dint of importu- nity, she was at length prevailed upon (in a select party) to gratify his curiosity, by the account given in the following volume. END OF THE SECOND VOLUME. LEITH: Trinted by Ogle, Allardice & Thomson. u ^^ THE LIBRARY ^6^1 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA A 5" Santa Barbara ^^ STACK COLLECTION THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE STAMPED BELOW. lOm-6,'62 (0972484)4760 3 1205 03058 3809 fiiS*