.16 sons For From Especial attention is called to paragraph page Here's to the Garden of Eden Where Adam was always a-weedin' Till Eve by mistake Got bit by a snake Who on the ripe pippins was feedin'. Then a longing it seemed to possess her, For clothing sufficient to dress her. And ever since then It's been up to the men To pay for her dresses, God bless her ! Wallce Irwin in "Toasts and Tributes" By courtesy of Rohdr 6c Haskins ADAM'S SOMS Portrayed by G " Learn/ecL I Compiled by Leila - Sprague^ - Learned Copyright, 1906, by A. G. LEARNED, New York First Edition, September, 1906. 5000 INTRODUCTION WRITTEN ESPECIALLY FOR ADAM'S SONS BY WALLACE IRWIN The Son of Adam, doomed to stray From Eden's pleasant sod, Still wanders in a dreamy way Throughout the Land of Nod. He goes about avoiding trees And woman's wiles serene, He takes to cover when he sees The species serpentine. Yet woman peeps from shades and Or plain or picturesque ; He finds her in his games, his books He finds her at his desk. Until, poor man ! he can't forego The yearning for a wife Love makes a Purgatorio Of Adam Junior's life. In vain he flams his brain with fibs His heart will not believe. He knows he'd give a dozen ribs To reconstruct his Eve. But ah, the beauties that entice Are just beyond his reach. He swears the Fruit of Paradise Is verily a Peach. Till happy day ! in bridal gown They take the golden train For Eden, where they settle down And start to raising Cain. nook PREFACE It was fitting that the quotations for the vol- ume " Eve's Daughters" should have been selected by a "Mere Man." Perhaps some people think that all the good and clever sayings have been about the fair daughters of Eve, and that women are the most interesting subject, not only to men, but to themselves. Now the compiler of these sentiments about "Adam's Sons," being fittingly a woman, has ob- served that men are an all-sufficient topic of inter- est to themselves, and she confesses that men are the chief objects of most women's contemplation. Therefore she has labored conscientiously in culling out the best things from the manifold epigrams on this fascinating theme. To what ex- tent she has chosen wisely, she leaves the reader to decide, believing that at least there is sufficient variety to suit all tastes. The blessed sons of Adam must not condemn the book nor malign an innocent compiler, because so many of the cynicisms are uncomplimentary to their vanity. Let them remember that writers of all time have had to say bold, bitter things of us, to get an audience, and that simple words of praise would lack the spice necessary to hold our interest. However, the compiler is confident that the illustrations by Mr. A. G. Learned will furnish suf- ficient reason for the book's being, since the public received so kindly the former volume ("Eve's Daughters"), also illustrated by him. L. S. L. NOTE " I am but a gatherer and disposer of other men's stuff,'* and would therefore express my thanks for the courtesies ex- tended by the authors and publishers holding copyrights of the following books : Nettie Seeley Murphy's " Isn't It So? " and "What Of It?"published byj. B. Lippincott & Co. ; Herman Lee Meader's " Reflections of the Morning After," by H. M. Caldwell & Co. ; Jennie DayHaines's "Sovereign Woman Versus Mere Man," by Paul Elder & Co. ; George Horace Lorimer's " Old Gorgon Graham's Letters to His Son," by Doubleday, Page & Co. ; Minna Thomas Antrim's "Mazes, Phazes, and Crazes of Love," by George W. Jacobs & Co. ; George Ade's " Break- ing into Society," by Harper and Brothers; "The Foolish Dictionary" and "The Foolish Almanac," by John W. Luce & Co. ; " The Matrimonial Primer," by Paul Elder & Co. ; " Toasts and Tributes," by Rohde and Haskins ; and Lisle de Vaux Matthewman's "Business," by J. B. Lippincott & Co. ; and an unpublished manuscript " Man," used by courtesy of Caroline S. Rapalje. I regret not being able to give full credit for every thought, and beg to be forgiven by any author who finds himself quoted anonymously. THE COMPILER. ADAM'S SONS If Adam had had before his eyes the warning example which he set, it is doubtful if he would have been as easily fooled as are his sons. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. To prove his superiority, Adam grandly accepted the apple Eve offered. To prove his inferiority, he laid the blame all on her when it gave him the stomach-ache. Nettie Seeley Murphy. It may have taken a hundred centuries of evolu- tion to change a monkey into a man, but it takes only a few minutes and a pint of whiskey to change a man into a monkey. Herman Lee Meader. Adam's sons rule the world, Eve's daughters rule Adam's sons ! Here's to their good health ! May God bless them all! Hon. Daniel Nash Morgan. Mankind's an uncouth squad. Anon. ADAM'S SONS Distrust that man who tells you to distrust; He takes the measure of his own small soul, And thinks the world no larger. Ella Wheeler Wilcox. These three will never see hell: He who is purified by poverty, he who is harassed by impor- tunate creditors, and he who is plagued with a ter- magant wife. The Talmud. Reputation is a bubble which a man bursts when he tries to blow it for himself. Elbert Hubbard. A stupid man is a fool who never speaks ; in this he is more endurable than the fool who speaks. He who speaks little has the advantage; the presumption is that he possesses wit. Anon. The professional humorist has no use for an edi- tor who can't take a joke. 10 Anon. oJaJI rrjer), Ijovv txtp l^ be ADAM'S SONS Gods! How the son degenerates from the sire. Pope. It by no means follows that we are not fit for society because soirees are tedious, and because the soiree finds us tedious. Emerson. The high hat is deemed inharmonious for men of low salaries. Foolish Almanac. A fellow may know everything that's happened since the Lord started the ball rolling, and not be able to do anything to keep it from stopping. George Horace Lorimer. I would pardon his dulness and even his ig- norance, for one might be the fault of his nature, and the other of his education; but his self-suffi- ciency is his own fault, and that I will not and can- not pardon. Maria Edgeworth. 13 ADAM'S SONS All books and no business makes Jack a jack-in- the-box with springs and wheels in his head; all play and no work makes Jack a jackass with bosh in his skull; the right prescription for him is play when he really needs it, and work whether he needs it or not ; for that dose makes Jack a cracker- jack. George Horace JLorimer. He might be a very clever man by nature for aught I know, but he laid so many books upon his head that his brains could not move. Robert Hall. ' Tis my vocation, Hal, 'tis no sin for a man to labor in his vocation. King Henry IV. That fellow seems to me to possess but one idea, and that is a wrong one. Johnson. 14 ADAM S SONS A bachelor is an unattached man which any lady may stick, stick to, or get stuck on. From the Foolish Dictionary. An unmarried man is but half of a perfect being and it requires the other half to make things right, and it cannot be expected that in this imperfect state he can keep the straight path of rectitude any more than a boat with one oar or a bird with one wing can keep a straight course. Anon. In one sense men are not fickle except in trifles. They change their clothes, their language, and their habits, but they always preserve their evil in- clinations, are firm and constant in wrong-doing, and in their indifference to virtue. La Brujtere. The happy married man dies in good style at home, surrounded by his weeping wife and children. The old bachelor don't die at all he sort of rots away, like a pollywog's tail. ADAM'S SONS There is something harder to bear than re- verses of fortune; it is the ingratitude of man. Napoleon. A weak man is sort of an intermediate being between the two sexes. Anon. The whole creation is a mystery and particularly that of man. Sir Thomas Browne. No sadder proof can be given by a man of his own littleness than disbelief in great men. Carlyle. Unless above himself he can erect himself, how poor a thing is man. Daniel. No man can be considered great who does not move until he is pushed. Hubbard. 16 X ADAM'S SONS The man who dares traduce because he can with safety to himself is not a man. Cowper. The man who pauses on the paths of treason halts on a quicksand, the first step engulfs him. Hill's Henry V. A man is as good as he has to be, a woman as bad as she dares. All Baba. I call him poor because he was discontented and envious. It was in vain that his apples were the largest for miles around, if his neighbor's vines were the most productive by a single bunch ; it was in vain that his lambs were fat and thriving, if some one else's sheep bore twins; so, instead of enjoying his own prosperity, and being glad when his neigh- bors prospered too, he would sit grumbling and be- moaning himself as if every other man's riches were his poverty. Christina G. Rossetti. 19 \ ADAM'S SONS A man's standards of measurement are like his cigars, one kind for himself and another for his friends. Matthewman. A man whose blood is very snow broth. SAa/cespeare. Any man may be in good spirits and good tem- per when he is well dressed. There ain't much credit in that. If I was very ragged and very jolly, then I should feel I had gained a point. Charles Dickens. Politicians are men who volunteer the task of governing us for a consideration. Fra Elbertus. The best portion of a good man's life: His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love. Wordsworth. So over violent, or over civil, That every man with him was God or Devil. Dry den, 20 ADAM S SONS A chump any one whose opinions differ radi- cally from ours. Gideon Wurdz. Many a man is uniformed who ought to be chloroformed. Nettie See ley Murphy. He is an unwise man who builds on a bluff and doesn't keep the bluff up. Li. de V. Matthewman. If you selected your wife because of her style, don't growl when the styles change. Matrimonial Primer. Wise men often avoid the world so that they may not be wearied by it. L,a Bruyere. The man who is always proclaiming that he is in the right is intolerable; the man who admits he has been wrong is charming. o .o ADAM S SONS Marry ! no faith ; husbands are like lots in The lottery. You may draw forty blanks Before you find one that has any prize In him; a husband generally is a Careless, domineering thing, that grows like Coral ; which, as long as it is under water, Is soft and tender; but as soon As it has got its branch above the waves Is presently hard, stiff, not to be bowed. Mars t on. And such is man a soil which breeds Or sweetest flowers or vilest weeds. Bowring. Some men who marry and settle down would have done the world more good had they remained single and settled up. From Sovereign Woman Versus Mere Man. Some quaint old author says, that man is too smooth and oily a nature to climb up to heaven, if to make him less slippery there be not added to his composition the vinegar of marriage. 22 men svfe of jteniuj fyaVe 1 09^ 13 t^t tl^d^ JoPgc.t it 15 3^or>^ 15 t^sAt like ii. t^i^A 15 ttjed it it (09^ fo? t^ their* l^eAj lor>d. ADAM'S SONS A lazy, lolling sort, Unseen at church, at senate, or at court, Of ever listless loit'rers, that attend No cause, no trust, no duty, and no friend. Pope. Just because a man can break a bronco or win a prize fight, it's no sign he can manage a woman. Gideon Wurdz. The man who lives in town, and thinks he is a gay dog, isn't a marker alongside of the respectable citizen from down the road. George Ade. Drive me, O drive me, from that traitor, man! So I might 'scape that monster, let me dwell In lions' haunts or in some tiger's den. Man ! false man ! smiling destructive man. .Lee- What then is man? The smallest part of nothing. Young. 25 ADAM'S SONS Let no man trust the first false step Of guilt, it hangs upon a precipice, Whose steep descent in last perdition ends. Young. The man who pauses on his honesty Wants little of the villain. Martyn. One may take it that no man is sent to the world a ready-made scoundrel. It all depends upon the circumstances of life. No one is safe right up to the end, and events may combine to make the best of us into that thing which the world calls a villain. Henry Seton Merriman. When the gay boy, with a change of striped shirts and a golf club, gets back from a summer outing at a man-forsaken hotel, and tries to repeat his triumphs in the city, he gets the same sort of jolt as the fat fellow does, who steps on a banana peel. Herman JLee Meader. 26 ^joooooooo ADAM'S SONS Many a man rides in an automobile who would appear to better advantage on a water-wagon. Foolish Almanac. Read history, and learn how commonplace men have often had greatness thrust upon them and met the issue. Hubbard. Man is but a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed. Pascal. Man in sooth is a marvellous, vain, fickle, and unstable subject. Nobody loves life like an old man. Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never. ADAM'S SONS An athlete is a dignified bunch of muscles, un- able to split the wood or sift the ashes. Gideon Wurdz. Small men are provincial, mediocre men are cos- mopolitan, but great souls are universal. Hubbard. A lot of men who get one dollar's worth of food for a five-dollar bill down-town, expect their wives to get five dollars' worth of food for a one-dollar bill at the comer grocery, and to save the change to- ward a pair of diamond earrings. These fellows would plant a tin can, and kick because they didn't get a case of tomatoes. Old Gorgon Graham's Letters to His Son, There is no animal so strange as man. Carlyle. What a strange thing is man, and what a stranger is woman ! Byron. 28 OO ooooooooOooo ooooooo cxj 00000000(7000000 ooo* ADAM S SONS If heaven had looked upon riches to be a val- uable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel. Swift. A weak man in office, like a squirrel in a cage, is laboring eternally, but to no purpose, and in con- stant motion without getting on a jot ; like a turnstile, he is in everybody's way, but stops nobody; he talks a great deal, but says very little ; looks into everything, but sees into nothing; and has a hundred irons in the fire, but very few of them are hot, and with those few that are he only burns his fingers. Charles Caleb Colton. My salad days, When I was green in judgment. Antony? and Cleopatra. What a frail thing is man! 31 Shirley. ADAM S SONS Bait your trap with some form of vanity, and there is not a son of Adam who will not nibble at the bait, if he does not swallow it whole. Nettie Seeley Murphy. A fashionable man is like a certain blue flower, which, growing wild in the fields, chokes the corn, spoils the crops, and takes up the place of some- thing better. Anon. Touch a man's vanity, and he expands like a green bay-tree. Touch his pocket-book, and he closes like a clam. Nettie Seeley Murphy. Is he the toad ? he's rather like a snail ; known chiefly for the house upon his back; divide the man and the house, you kill the man. Mrs. Browning's "Aurora Leigh." I cannot talk with civet in the room, A fine puss-gentleman that's all perfume. Cowper. 32 ADAM S SONS Man Something that "goes first on four feet, then two feet, then three, but the more feet it goes on the weaker it be ! " The Foolish Dictionary?. A great many men are so broad-minded that it makes their heads flat. Myrtle Reed. Three things a man should not leave in another's keeping, his wife, his wine, and his word. Helen Woljeska. The happiness of a married man depends upon the people he has not married. Oscar Wilde. At twenty, men love women ; at forty, girls ; at fifty, themselves. Minna Thomas Antrim. A fellow that makes no figure in company and has a mind. Anon. 33 ADAM'S SONS Let him go abroad to a distant country, to some place where he is not known. Don't let him go to the devil, where he is known. Johnson. He was the mildest mannered man That ever scuttled ship or cut a throat. Byron. And all to leave, what with his toil he won, To that unfeathered two-legged thing, a son. Dry den. A man never knows how to live until a woman has lived with him. Mere. The rudest man inspired by love, is more per- suasive than the most eloquent man, if uninspired. La Rochefoucauld. He was a man of an unbounded stomach. King Henry VIII. He is the very pineapple of politeness. Sheridan 34 njerj ae wetonje ADAM'S SONS Men have made of Fortune an all-powerful god- dess, in order to be made responsible for all their blunders. Madame de Stael. The less one sees and knows men, the higher one esteems them ; for experience teaches their real value. Marguerite de Valois. Let no man think that he can devise any plan of extensive good unalloyed and unadulterated with evil. Charles Caleb Colton. I have seen men so fond of argument that they would dispute with a guide-board at the forks of a country road about the distance to the next town. Josh Billings. Whose little body lodged a mighty mind. 37 ADAM S SONS Many a man who is worth millions is worth nothing else. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. No man is rich enough to buy back his past. Oscar Wilde. He who gets money before he gets wit Will be but a short time master of it. Anon. A rich rogue is like a fat hog, Who never does good till dead as a log. Franklin. The covetous man is one of the devil's martyrs. Flyjoo. The darkest day in any man's career is that wherein he fancies there's some easier way of get ting a dollar than by squarely earning it. Horace Greeley. Machiavel says virtue and riches seldom settle on one man. Burton. 38 ADAM S SONS Where lives the man that has not tried How mirth can into folly glide, And folly into sin. Walter Scott. Some men are poor, lots of them are stupid, most of them are ugly, and all of them are conceited, but, nevertheless, they are as indispensable as bread. Meader. We grant, although he had much wit, He was very shy of using it. Samuel Butler. A poet soaring in the high reason of his fancies, With his garland and singing robes about him. Milton. From the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth. Shakespeare. I never knew any man in my life who could not bear another's misfortune perfectly like a Christian. Pope. 39 \^ ADAM'S SONS The cigarette is for the trivial moments of life, the cigar for its fulfilments, its pleasant, comfortable retrospections, but in real distress, in the solving of questions, the fighting of difficulties, the pipe is man's eternal solace. Katherine Cecil Thurston, "The Masquerader." Drawn by conceit from reason's plan, How vain is that poor creature, man ! How pleased is every paltry elf To prate about that thing, himself. Churchill. A man's a fool If not instructed in a woman's school. Beaumont * Fletcher. All mankind is one of these two cowards ; Either to wish to die When he should live, or live when he should die. Sir Robert Howard. 40 Wfjo ij AaJrjty, pfcttv; lf^blv ^rrjootl) v^(} lovt to you, \)&$ \)& ADAM'S SONS A man without a few evil intentions is like lingerie without lace uninteresting. Herman Lee Meader. The man who is always having his feelings hurt is about as pleasing a companion as a pebble in a shoe. The Philistine. God made him, and, therefore, let him pass for a man. Shakespeare. Some men don't know how much they are worth; most don't know how little. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. Love to a woman is a complete romance ; to a man it is a collection of short stones. George Ade. Man is only a protozoan wiggling through a fluid called atmosphere ; he is here but a day and knows neither where he came from nor where he is going. Fra Elbertus. 43 ADAM'S SONS A vile conceit in pompous words expressed, Is like a clown in regal purple dressed. Pope. Whom do we dub a gentleman? The knave, the fool, the brute If they but own full tithe of gold and wear a courtly suit. Eliza Cook. The man of power is one who wrings success out of the strong heart of defeat. Elbert Hubbard. It is the discreet man, not the witty, not the learned, nor the brave, who guides conversation and gives measures to society. Addison. Man is the sum total of all the animals. Prof. Oken. It is dangerous to wake a lion from his sleep; terrific are the fangs of a tiger ; but worse than both united is man in his delirious fury. Schiller. 44 ADAM'S SONS Many men enjoy a good reputation by giving publicly and stealing privately. Anon. I've usually found that these quick, glad borrowers are slow, sad payers, and when a fellow tells you that it hurts him to have to borrow, you can bet that the thought of having to pay is going to tie him up into a bow-knot of pain. George Horace Lorimer. Since Seraphim cannot abide here, it behooves all women to give thanks for decently amiable men. Minna Thomas Antrim, Many have lived on a pedestal who will never have a statue when dead. Beranger. A man's honesty is in proportion to his opportun- ities, and a woman's virtue in proportion to her charms. Nettie Seeley Murphy. 45 ADAM S SONS Males are divided into two classes, men and cads; and some men are cads. Foolish Almanac. What is a man, If his chief good and market of his time Be but to sleep and feed? A beast no more. Shakespeare. The neighbors asked what he would make his son ; " I'll make a man of him," the old man said, " And for the rest, just what he likes himself." George MacDonald. Better a man without riches than riches without a man. Tennyson. I've known a man who never came of age at all, Though he was ninety at his death. I've known a man Who came of age a baby in his bassinette, And was a man before he spoke a syllable. Mortimer Collins. 46 e purrjice of trje poli^ljeA towr) pj (l^e bivf^^/A ciowr^ si v^Mlt / ADAM'S SONS Man is judged by his deeds, woman by her misdeeds. Foolish Almanac. Three-fifths 6f him was genuine, two-fifths sheer fudge. Lowell. Man ! an heir of glory ! a frail child of dust ! Helpless immortal ! insect infinite ! a worm ! a god ! Dr. E. Young. Man passes away; his name perishes from record and recollection ; his history is as a tale that is told ; and his very monument becomes a ruin. Irving. Many men resemble glass, smooth, polished, and dull, so long as unbroken, then sharp every trr,,, . . r~?^ Men have died from time to time, and worms \ ,f have eaten them but not for love. 49 ADAM S SONS Happy the man, who, innocent, Grieves not at ills he can't prevent ; His skiff does with the current glide, Not puffing, pulled against the tide. Green. How cold he hearkens to some bankrupt's woe, Nods his wise head, and cries, " I told you so." Sprague. There is a lust in man no charm can tame, Of loudly publishing his neighbor's shame. A man may give his wife a piece of his mind if he chooses, but he shouldn't break the peace. G. D. Prentice. The extreme penalty for bigamy is the plurality of mothers-in-law which it necessitates. Nellie Gillmore. He is not only dull himself, but the cause of dulness in others. Johnson. 50 ADAM S SONS No one is a real man after he has lost out all the boy. Henry \VardBeecher. I am so soon done for, I wonder what I was begun for. Anon. Nature intended you for a man, but the work was botched in the doing. Anon. A Johnny is one who pays $50 for a bunch of violets to give to a girl he wouldn't speak to if she weren't an actress. Frank E. Aiken. What a great deal of time and ease that man ;, gains who lets his neighbor's words, thoughts, and ,///,- behavior alone, confines his inspections to himself, ''' and takes care that his own actions are honest and ,/ righteous. 51 Marcus Aurelius. ADAM'S SONS One of these fellows with pink tea instead of red blood in his veins, who hadn't any opinions ex- cept your opinions, until he met some one else. Preached pretty, fluffy little things, and used "eau de Cologne" on his language. George Horace Lorimer. The generality of men employ the best part of their lives to make the last part miserable. La Bruyere. I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body! Boucicault. In buying horses and in taking a wife, shut your eyes tight and commend yourself to God. Tuscan Proverb. There is nothing a man of good sense dreads in a wife so much as her having more sense than himself. Fielding. 52 ADAM'S SONS Some fellows never go to work for a living until they have given everything else a fair trial. Anon. Most men have died without creating ; not one has died without destroying. Alexandre Dumas. A man in love, if sincere, is good for nothing, despite all that has been pretended, but to make love. P. J. Stahl. The absurd man is one who never changes. Barthelemy. Great men unknown. Old theme! There is better still: celebrated mediocnties and celebrated fools. From Witty, Wise, and Wicked Maxims. An inventor is a good man laboring to obtain wealth for others. Charles Narre^. 55 ADAM'S SONS ^^V A> v=^- ^ Vv^to Such and so various are the tastes of men. Mark Akenside. No man is free who has not been divorced from popular favor. Fra Elbertus. The man who hain't got an enemy, is really poor. Josh Billings. The more honest a man is, the less he affects the air of a saint. Lavater. Many a man, who, before meal-time, would not give a sixpence for any purpose, will postprandially^ talk with unction of the miseries of our race, and &*t hand over his greenbacks without grumbling. William Mathews. Honor the strong man, in these ages, who has shaken himself loose of shams, and is something. Carlyle. 56 ADAM S SONS Oh, I am so sick of the young men of the pres- ent day! Poor, puny things! Creatures so ab- sorbed in care about their pretty faces and small feet; as if a man had anything to do with beauty! Charlotte Bronte's "Jane Eyre." He builds his goodness up so high, it topples down to the other side, and makes a sort of bad- ness. Mrs. Browning's "Aurora Leigh." The man who, in his will, provides a penalty in case his wife marries again, never had any confi- dence in her during life. He thought he owned her, body and soul. It is bad enough for a woman to be owned by a live man, but to be dictated to by a dead one, ugh! Fra Elbertus. Seldom he smiles, and smiles in such a sort, As if he mocked himself, and scorned his spirit That could be moved to smile at anything. Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar." 57 ADAM'S SONS It is the man who has not been tempted who is proudest of his virtues. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. A man with a few brains is like a dog with one flea on him dreadful oneazy. Josh Billings. Man is Creation's masterpiece. But who says so? Man! Gavarni. Man comes into the world naked and bare, He goes through the world with trouble and care, When he dies he goes, the Lord knows where, But if he does well here, he does well there. Hindoo. In men this blunder still you find, All think their little set mankind. Hannah More. wl?o peunt ^Ip^, favll in love will? bonne et b&Vejemme" l^e^W- heeled ADAM'S SONS Eternal smiles his emptiness betray, As shallow streams run dimpling all the way. Pope. There are daggers in men's smiles. Macbeth. Every time a man laffs he takes a kink out ov the chain ov life, and thus lengthens it. Josh Billings. The man that blushes is not quite a brute. Young. He is a very good fellow, but pulpy; he will run into any mould, but he won't keep shape. George Eliot. Man is a very worm by birth, Vile reptile, weak and vain! Awhile he crawls upon the earth, Then shrinks to earth again. Pope. A lawyer, a gentleman who rescues your es- tate from your enemies and keeps it himself. Lord Brougham. " 61 ADAM'S SONS He that abuses his own profession, will not pa- tiently bear with any one else that does so. Caleb Col ton. Mere mushroom men puff-balls that advertise And bravely think to brush the skies. Owen. Seaman. His air, his voice, his looks, and honest soul, Speak all so movingly in his behalf, I dare not trust myself to hear him talk. Addison. Man's like a barren and ungrateful soil, That seldom pays the labor of manuring. Sir Robert Howard's "Blind Lady. " He that Foretells his own calamity and makes Events before they come, twice over doth Endure the pains of evil destiny. Davenant. 62 ADAM S SONS How strange it is that some men, not contented with the large share of foppery and nonsense which they have from nature, should affect yet more. Frances Burney. When a fellow has saved a thousand dollars, and every nickel represents a walk home instead of a ride in the trolley, and every dollar stands for cigars he didn't smoke and for shows he didn't see, it naturally seems as if that money, when it's in- vested, ought to declare dividends every thirty days. George Horace Lorimer. The bookful blockhead, ignorantly read, With loads of learned lumber in his head. Pope. He trudged along unknowing what he sought, And whistled as he went for want of thought. Dry den. There's method in man's wickedness, It grows up by degrees. Fletcher. 63 ADAM'S SONS O man ! while in thy early years, How prodigal of time ! Misspending all thy precious hours. Thy glorious youthful prime! Alternate follies take the sway ; Licentious passions burn ; With tenfold force give Nature's law, That man was made to mourn. Burns. He holds his tongue until the people actually be- lieve he has something to say ; a mistake they could never fall into if he would but speak. Maria Edgeworth. A regular sawny, good-humored enough, but weak as water. Edna Lyall. Should vice expect to 'scape rebuke, Because its owner is a duke? Swift. 64 < r lv " ^ ij tne circled o ADAM'S SONS A man who's subject to cramps and chills has no business in the water, but if you start to go in swimming, go in all over. Don't be one of those chappies who prance along the beach, shivering and showing their skinny shapes, and then dabble their feet in the surf, pour a little sand in their hair, and think they have had a bath. George Horace Lorimer. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour ? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live until I were married. Shakespeare. Sherry is dull, naturally dull ; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in nature. Johnson. ADAM'S SONS It is not good that man should be alone. Genesis. A man so various, that he seemed to be Not one, but all mankind's epitome; Stiff in opinions, always in the wrong, Was everything by starts, and nothing long ; But in the course of one revolving moon Was chymist, fiddler, statesman, and buffoon. Dryden. For most men (till by losing rendered sager) Will back their own opinions by a wager. Byron. It isn't the twist of his mustache or the color of his necktie that makes the man. It's the gray matter he has in his head and the green matter in his bank that we take off our hats to ! Nettie Seeley Murphy. A fellow that makes no figure in company, And has a mind as narrow as the neck of a vin- egar cruet. Johnson. ADAM'S SONS One of the principal occupations of men is to divine women. Lacretelle. Some men deserve glory and reward for having written ; others for not having done so. Man is not the Prince of creatures, But in reason ; fail that, he is worse Than horse, or dog, or beast of wilderness. As long as man seeks his mate, and proposes jT-^: the union, lack of felicity impeaches only his judg- ment. Men who say they have exhausted life, merely mean that life has exhausted them. ADAM'S SONS The things to be desired by man in a healthy state, are that he should not see dreams but real- ities; that he should not destroy life, but save it; and that he should be not rich, but content. John Ruskin. We succeed by shrewdness, the other man by trickery. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. He has common sense in a way that's uncommon, Hates humbug and cant, loves his friends like a woman. Lowell. The man who knows only one subject is next tiresome to the man who knows no subject. Anon. I still believe him to have carried a spell with him to which it was a natural weakness to yield, and which not many persons could withstand. Charles Dickens. 70 fellow v/fjo lil(cj ^iet of let; tp ADAM'S SONS Who do you think can hold that mules exist but not asses? Epictetus. The wickeder a man is in this world, the more fool-women he will find to "poor thing" him. Nettie Seeley Murphy. Tew remove grease from a man's karakter, let him strike sum sudden ile. Josh Billings. An enthusiast has been compared to a man walking in a fog ; everything near him appears clear and luminous; but beyond all is mist, error, and confusion. C. C. Colton. Ah, why, all-righteous Father, didst thou make This creature, man ? Why wake the unconscious dust To life and wretchedness? 73 Porteus. ADAM S SONS When he is best, he is little worse than a man ; and when he is worst, he is little better than a beast. Merchant of Venice. The pity is not that man has descended from the monkey but that he keeps on descending. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. A man who can be wound around a woman's finger, never winds himself around her heart. Minna Thomas Antrim. Man has a perpetual tendency to disintegration. Gail Hamilton. Mules are like sum men, very corrupt at harte, I have known them to be good mules for 6 months just to get a good chance to kik sumbody. Josh Billings. 74 A G t. ADAM S SONS Experience is the name men give to their follies, or their sorrows. A. de Musset. An idle man is like stagnant water: he corrupts himself. Latena. A slave has but one master. An ambitious man has as many as may be useful for his advancement. La Bruyere. A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still. Butler. A man is a bundle of relations, a knot of roots, whose flower and fruitage is the world. Emerson. Old boys have playthings as well as young ones, the difference is only in the price. 75 ADAM'S SONS They say best men are moulded out of faults ; And for the most part, become much more the better For being a little bad so may my husband. SAa/cespeare. He that is respectable in his courses, Oft sells his reputation at cheap market. Ben Jonson. How miserable a thing is a great man ; Take noisy, vexing greatness they that please, Give me obscure, and safe, and silent ease. Crown. Every man must row with the oars he has. Chaos of thought and passion all confused Still by himself abused or disabused Created half to rise and half to fall. Great Lord of all things, yet a prey to all ; Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurled ; The glory, jest, and riddle of the world. Anon. 76 Pope. ADAM'S SONS Man blames Adam for having done what he himself does whenever the opportunity presents herself to him. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. A man who has not anything to boast of but his illustrious ancestors is like a potato the only good belonging to him is underground. Sir Thomas Overbury. Profound ignorance makes a man dogmatic; he who knows little thinks he may teach others what he has just learned himself; whilst he who knows a great deal can scarcely imagine that others are ignorant. La Bruyere. Man is an inflammable piece of goods and woman is the match. Nettie Seeley Murphy. Talk to him of Jacob's ladder and he would ask the number of the steps. Jerrold. 79 ADAM'S SONS He who elevates his profession is the best me- X chanic, whether he preaches the gospel, peddles phisick, or skins eels for a living. Anon. He is a fool who makes his physician his heir. French Proverb. He who is successful can afford to smile; he that is not cannot afford to do otherwise. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. He who ascends to mountain tops, shall find The loftiest peaks most wrapt in clouds and snow; He who surpasses or subdues mankind, Must look down on the hate of those below. Byron. There is not in nature a thing that makes a man so deformed, so beastly, as doth intemperate anger. Webster. When a man ridicules certain traits in other men, he ridicules himself. Elbert Hubbard. ADAM'S SONS A man may be a duck in his own private puddle, but when he strikes deep and strange waters he forgets how to swim. George Ade. When you see a fellow swelling up and telling his firm's secrets, holler "cash" and you'll stampede him back to his hall bedroom. George Horace Lorimer. A man will do for his bicycle what his wife asks in vain. Myrtle Reed. As men's prayers are a disease of the will, so are their creeds a disease of the intellect. Emerson. Fond man ! The vision of a moment made ! Dream of a dream! and shadow of a shade! Young. A i i -^=^-~ ^ A man needs seasoning just as much as soup ^ _:_ does. Nettie Seeley Murphy. 81 ADAM'S SONS Then what is man? And what man seeing this, And having human feelings, does not blush And hang his head, to think himself a man. Cowper. Men, like cats, need only to be stroked in the right direction. Myrtle Reed. The child who is father of the man often has cause to blush for his offspring. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. When a man talks of sitting in sack-cloth and ashes, he always means broad-cloth and cigar ashes. Fra Elbertus. Know then thyself, presume not God to scan; The proper study of mankind is man. Pope, Man, who madly deems himself the lord of all, is naught but weakness and dependence. Thomson. beceljelor pdcvj 1)$ urisjtge rr)dL/ne& nrjao) j^ s^n^ vet sonie people, &on't i, of rpev.trin)O9y. l>eLr Itct- ADAM'S SONS The man who smokes thinks like a sage and acts like a Samaritan. Edward Bulwer-Lytton. Just as long as men are paid honors and money, can wear good clothes, and have immunity from work for preaching superstition, they will preach it. Fra Elbertus. He who is not strong before twenty, handsome before thirty, wise before forty, and rich before fifty, on such a man even beer is altogether lost. German Proverb. The only man we ever heard of that wasn't spoiled by being lionized was a Jew, named Daniel. George D. Prentice. Men may say of marriage and women what they please: they will renounce neither the one nor the other. Anon. 85 ADAM'S SONS Men say of women what pleases them ; women do with men what pleases them. De Segur. One may smile and smile and yet be a villain. Hamlet A kind and gentle heart he had, To comfort friends and foes ; The naked every day he clad, When he put on his clothes. Goldsmith. About az low down az a man can git, and not quite spile, iz to liv on his wife's reputashun. Josh Billings. Man carries his superiority inside, other animals theirs outside. .Russian. The dunces of all countries propagate the maxim that a man of genius is unfit for business. Pope. 86 ADAM'S SONS Every man carries in his soul a sepulchre that of his youth. O. Firmez. Every age has its different inclinations, but man is always the same. At ten he is led by sweet- meats, at twenty by a mistress, at thirty by pleasure, at forty by ambition, at fifty by avarice. /. /. .Rousseau. A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself. A sailor is a man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore. Gideon Wurdz. Great men undertake great things because they are great, and fools because they think them easy. Vauvenargues. Many a man labors for the day he will never live to see. Danish. ((( 87 ADAM'S SONS When the Lord makes a virtuous man or a vainless woman, the devil feels like shutting up shop. Nettie Seeley Murphy. Always suspect a man who affects great softness of manner, an unruffled evenness of temper, and an enunciation studied, slow, and deliberate. The most successful knaves are usually of this description, as smooth as razors dipped in oil, and as sharp. They affect the innocence of the dove, which they have not, to hide the cunning of the serpent, which they have. C. C. Co/ton. Man's most unlovable traits are those which could have been easily eradicated by the timely appli- cation of the cowhide. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. Prone is man's mind from Honor's arduous way To verge into the temporary paths of gain. Pindar. ADAM S SONS Fame sometimes hath created something of nothing. Fuller. Some men possess means that are great, but fritter them away in the execution of conceptions that are little ; and there are others who can form great conceptions, but who attempt to carry them into execution with little means. Colton. A crowd of fellows in the cafe of a smart club will make the conversation at a woman's luncheon sound like table talk in a mute asylum. Herman Lee Meader. Here's to man; he is like a kerosene lamp, he is not especially bright, he is often turned down, he generally smokes, and he frequently goes out at night. Anon. 91 ADAM'S SONS Every man has his innings as well as his outings. L. S. L. A bachelor seeks a wife to avoid solitude; a married man seeks society to avoid the tete-a-tete. De Varennes. Women complain of the lack of virtue in men, yet do not esteem those who are too strictly virtuous. BlondeL Men love the unattainable virtue; women the unattainable pocket-book. Nettie Seeley Murphy. Fortune does not change men : it unmasks them. Mme. Necker. One of the hardest things for any man to do iz. tew fall down on the ice when it is wet, and then git up and praze the Lord. Josh Billings. If the best man's faults were written on his fore- head, it would make him pull his hat over his eyes. Gaelic. 92 ^j_ <^v ADAM'S SONS A bat in the hand is better than two in the head. "Little Bead-eyes." Men will wrangle for religion ; write for it ; fight for it; die for it; anything but li a^t c^ceQAir)^ taJI ADAM'S SONS To remain virtuous, a man has only to combat his own desires ; a woman must resist her own in- clinations, and the continual attack of man. JLatena. Never take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in. _\f- ^T 7 Men and melons are hard to know. Franklin. Anon. ^CHfi '7 1 Thought is the first faculty of man; to express it, one of his first desires ; and spread it, his dearest privilege. Raynal. Man is but man, inconstant still, and various! There's no to-morrow in him like to-day ! Perhaps the storms rolling in his brain, Make him think honestly the present hour, The next a swarm of base, ungrateful thoughts May mount aloft. 101 ADAM S SONS There is only one thing that saves many a man from being a goose his sex. Lisle de Vaux Matthewman. For one Orpheus who went to Hell to seek his wife, how many widowers who would not even go to Paradise to find theirs. J. Petit-Senn. He who is never guilty of follies is not so wise as he imagines. L.a Rochefoucauld. He who praises me on all occasions is a fool who despises me or a knave who wishes to cheat me. Chinese. Man is not depraved by true pleasures, but by false ones. De Lacretelle. The wealthiest man is he who is most economical; the poorest is he who is most miserly. Chamfort. ADAM S SONS One man falls by his ambition, another by his perfidy, a third by his avarice, and a fourth by his lust. Anon. A bad man becomes worse when he apes a saint. Syrus. A good man's pedigree is little hunted up. Spanish Proverb. Little men spell things out with sweat and lamp smoke, but others there be who absorb in the mass, read by the page, and grow great by letting down their buckets. Hubbard. Man! Thou pendulum betwixt a smile and a tear! Byron. A man that has done a kindness should never proclaim it, but do another as fast as he can! just like a vine that bears again the next season. Marcus Aurelius. 103 ADAM S SONS If this man had not twelve thousand a year he would be a very stupid fellow. Jane Austen. Thare ain't but phu men who kan stick a white handkerchief into the brest pocket ov their over- coat without letting a lettle ov it stick out, just bi acksident. Josh Billings. He who goes with wolves learns to howl. Spanish. A man, as he manages himself, may die old at thirty or young at eighty. Anon. He who has neither friend nor enemy is with- out talents, powers, or energy. Lavater. No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money. Johnson. 104 pu[$ fyirryelj 19 ADAM'S SONS A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner than when his wife talks Greek. Samuel Johnson. For every inch that is not fool is rogue. Dry den. A man may cry "Church! Church!" at every word With no more piety than other people ; A daw's not reckoned a religious bird, Because it keeps a-cawing from a steeple. Thomas Hood. If man knew well what life is, he would not give it so inconsiderately. Mme. Roland. When you strike ile stop boreing; menny a man haz bored klean thru and let the ile run out at the bottom. Joah Billings. 107 ADAM'S SONS Man argues women may not be trusted too far ; woman feels man cannot be trusted too near. Browne. Old men are always jealous; they are like the greedy child who wants the cake it cannot eat. A. Ricard. Men would not live long in society if they were not the dupes of each other. La Bruyere. There are two kinds of men that I don't want to meet when in a great hurry; men that I owe and men that want to owe me. Anon. Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact, from calling us to look through a heap of millet- seed in order to be sure there is no pearl in it. George Eliot. 108 ADAM'S SONS Qualities of a too superior order render a man less adapted to society. One does not go to mar- ket with big lumps of gold ; one goes with silver or small change. Chamfort. Great men, like comets, are eccentric in their courses, and formed to do extensive good, by modes unintelligible to vulgar minds. C. C. Colton. Shallow men speak of the past, wise men of the present, and fools of the future. Mme. du Deffand. Men who think alike and feel alike do not have to "get acquainted." Heart speaks to heart. Fra Elbertus. Man was built after all other things were made and pronounced good. If not he would have in- sisted on giving his orders as to the rest of the job. A little, round, fat, oily man of God. An on. Thomson, 109 ADAM S SONS i< ,T4/ c/^ Sum marry for buty, and never discover their mistake ; this is lucky. Josh Billings. He who is devoted to everybody is devoted to nobody. C. Delavigne. He knows little who will tell his wife all he knows. Fuller. Men lived like fishes; the great ones devoured the small. Algernon Sidney. Every man is practically three men, the man you knew before he proposed, the man you ac- cepted; and the man you've marned. John Oliver Hobbes. ,y\ What a piece of work is man! how noble in Jvfo.. reason, how infinite in faculty ! in form and mov- ing how admirable ! in action how like an angel ! in apprehension how like a god ! the beauty of the world ! the paragon of animals ! S/ia/cespeare. y^ou 9 6 ipuch i berfe lAtlP< avncc. ? KISS IbeiP ^v ^-^ **J ( es,Pe b^. Jt^ bour)^5 to bu ^iclKCpJ Loo ADAM S SONS God be thanked, the meanest of his creatures Boasts two soul-sides, one to face the world with, One to show a woman when he loves her. Browning. It is as difficult to find a vain man who considers himself appreciated as it is to find a modest man who thinks himself undervalued. La Bruyere. All poets pretend to write for immortality, but the whole tribe have no objection to present pay and present praise. C. C. Col ton. It is barely possible that you have a wife who would prefer a daily letter during your absence in- stead of some new bauble on your return. Matrimonial Primer. A gentleman is a man who looks and acts like a gentleman even when he isn't dressed like a gentle- man. From Sovereign Woman versus Mere Man. 113 ADAM'S SONS Men, like cattle, follow him who leads. Byron. Great men are like meteors ; they glitter and are consumed to enlighten the world. Napoleon I. An honest man, close button'd to the chin, Broadcloth without, and a warm heart within. Cowper. He was a very good hater. Johnson. Mamed men who are allowed one night a week at their club are like old horses turned into a pas- ture. They want to cut up, but have forgotten how. Meader. He who thinks he can do without the world deceives himself ; but he who thinks that the world cannot do without him is still more in error. La Rochefoucauld. 114 ADAM'S SONS A man has but the one puny life ; the one tiny spark of faith. Better be venturesome with both for God's sake, than over cautious, over thrifty. Mrs. Humphry Ward. Give your preference to the lean man and the middle weights. The world is full of smart and rich fat men, but most of them got their smartness and their riches before they got their fat. George Horace Lorimer. Limited in his nature, infinite in his desires, man is a fallen god who remembers heaven. He that can please nobody is not so much to be pitied as he that nobody can please. The rarer a man's qualities are, the more he will be found fait with, dust on a dimond iz alwuss more noticeable than dust on a brik. Josh Billings. 115 ADAM S SONS The sallow man taking tea and toast in a far corner of a restaurant may be a millionaire, but the hearty fellow shouting for terrapin and canvas-back is probably earning a hundred and fifty a month. Herman Lee Meader. There are two kinds of men who succeed as public characters, men of no principle but of great talent, and men of no talent, but of one principle, that of obedience to their superiors. Bishop of Landaff. We're not denying that women are foolish; God Almighty made them to match the men. George Eliot. Let me have men about me that are fat, Sleek-headed men, and such as sleep o' nights : Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look; He thinks too much : such men are dangerous. Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar." The fool of fate, thy manufacture, man. Pope. 116 botfy eyte^ irjtetyt 09 d,o to one. rr)evr) \i&$ vki lo be borY) oj ADAM'S SONS Of all men, Adam was the happiest he had no mother-in-law. P. Parfait. He might have proved a useful adjunct, if not an ornament to society. Every great man is a unique. Charles Lamb. Anon. A necessitous man who gives costly dinners pays large sums to be laughed at. Col ton. It is as easy for the strong man to be strong as for the weak to be weak. He that is so very solicitous about being talked of when he is dead, and makes his memory his in- clination, does not consider that all who knew him will quickly be gone, that his fame will grow less in the next generation, and flag upon the course. Marcus Aurelius. 121 ADAM'S SONS Men spend their lives in anticipations, in deter- mining to be vastly happy at some period 'when, they hal>e time. We may lay in a stock of pleasures as we would lay in a stock of wine ; but if we defer tasting them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age. C. C. Co/ton. A man uses up his best energies in being agree- able to other people, and then drags the dregs of himself home to a patient wife and expects her to "poor dear" him. Nettie Seeley Murphy?. Men may blush to hear what they were not ashamed to act. Anon. He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument. .Love's Labor's Lost. A very gentle beast and of a good conscience. S/ia/cespeare. 122 oJot^ euft prWi<\er>baJ beir)^; ^ of Widow's &n& Ine nope or j v_; ^ i^ < ^ ADAM'S SONS Man, proud man, Drest in a little brief authority, Most ignorant of what he's most assured, His glassy essence like an angry ape, Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven As makes the angels weep! Shakespeare. Geniuses may go about unshorn, but don't try to measure all men's brains by the length of their hair. Herman Lee Meader. The man who is allwuss trying to kreate a sen- sashun, will git so pretty soon, that he kant even kreate a disturbance. Josh Billings. Man spends his life in reasoning on the past, in complaining of the present, and in trembling for the future. Rivarol. 125 A 000 674 280 3