ELIZABETH MYERS IA0U u VJT^-e "il. THE SOCIAL LETTER THE SOCIAL LETTER BY ELIZABETH MYERS NEW YORK BRENTANO'S MCMXVIII Copyright, 1918 BY BRENTANOS THE UNIVERSITY PRESS, CAMBRIDGE, U. S. A. PREFACE THIS book is written not in the belief that the information contained therein is un- familiar to the majority of its readers, but with the knowledge that, in our scurrying along to keep up with time, we have neglected the epis- tolary pen and resorted to means more rapid to express our thoughts. In the capsule forms of telegram, cable and other means, the art of graceful expression must necessarily be thrown in the discard. Letter-writing to-day is a lost art. We have no modern Madame de Sevigne to stand im- mortal through her gift of correspondence. We no longer embroider with pretty words. The cavalier of the pen lies moldering in his frills and satin knee-breeches. Yet now and again we are faced with a task that demands the taking up of our pen upon some social occasion. Immediately what should be a joy becomes a bugbear. It remains to be done, however, for courtesy and good-breeding stand inexorable sentinels. We know well 2023872 PREFACE enough what it is we should say, but just how to say it, makes us pause and question. I have, therefore, endeavored to place a few stepping-stones in the rushing river of social obligations; not only for those who need merely a gentle reminder to speed them on, but for the debutante, suddenly confronted with the de- mands that must come with her entrance into the social world. If I have accomplished this I shall feel that my efforts have not been in vain. THE AUTHOR. [ vi ] CONTENTS CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION PAGE Function of social letter I Brevity 2 Simplicity of form and language 3 Forms 3 Formal notes 3 Informal notes 5 Forms of address 5 In closing 6 Ending the letter 7 Abbreviation 8 Stationery etiquette 9 The letter-sheet 10 Envelopes 10 Monograms crests 1 1 Addressing and dating 12 The opening paragraph 14 Punctuation 14 Appearance of letter 15 Chirography 15 Addressing envelope 15 Elimination of the ego 18 Psychological effect of letter 19- Answering a letter 20 The note with a message 20 Don'ts 21 [ vii ] CONTENTS CHAPTER II -THE INVITATION PAGE When to answer an invitation 23 The definite reply 23 To whom to address invitation 24 To whom to address reply 25 For club invitation 25 Visiting card 26 Engraved invitation 26 Afternoon affairs 26 Invitation through daughter 26 Leaving visiting cards 27 Details to be considered 27 DINNERS Invitations, formal 28 Invitations, formal, engraved 28 Acceptance, formal 29 Regret, formal 29 Special purpose invitation 30 Special purpose acceptance 31 Special purpose regret 31 Invitation for place other than home .... 32 Acceptance 32 Regret 32 Informal invitation 33 Informal acceptance 33 Informal regret 33 Daughter of house, invitation 34 Daughter of house, acceptance 34 Daughter of house, regret 34 Including opera, etc 35 Including opera, etc., acceptance 36 Including opera, etc., regret 36 [ viii ] CONTENTS LUNCHEONS PAGE Formal invitation "to meet," etc 37 Formal invitation "to meet," etc., acceptance 37 Formal invitation "to meet," etc., regret . . . 38 Informal invitation 38 Informal acceptance 39 Informal regret 39 Informal theatre, opera, party, etc 39 Informal theatre, opera, etc., acceptance . . . 40 Informal theatre, opera, etc., regret 40 WEDDINGS Formal invitation 4i Formal invitation, engraved 42 Home wedding A A Wedding breakfast TT" 44 Acceptance, formal 45 Regret, formal 46 Informal wedding 46 Informal wedding invitation 46 Informal wedding acceptance 47 Informal wedding regret 47 Wedding announcements 47 Announcements 48 Second marriage 48 Recalling invitations 49 BALLS Invitation 50 Acceptance Si Regret C2 Informal dance j 52 Visiting card invitation S3 Acceptance, informal 53 Regret, informal 54 [ ix ] CONTENTS RECEPTIONS AT HOMES PAGE Acceptance . . . ". * 55 Regret 55 CLUBS AND SOCIETIES Invitation 39 Acceptance ."....' 57 Regret 57 GARDEN PARTIES House or week-end parties 41 Invitations 59 Acceptance , 60 Regret 61 " Bread-and-butter letter " 61 Reminder 63 Canceling invitation 65 Formal 65 Informal 65 Breaking an engagement 66 Invitation to "shower" 67 Acceptance 67 Regret ". . . . 67 CHILDREN'S PARTIES Invitation 68 Acceptance 69 Regret 69 Invitation to stranger 48 Request 70 Acceptance 70 Regret . . .- 70 [x] CONTENTS CHAPTER III THE LETTER OF THANKS PAGE The cheerful receiver 72 Bride's note for wedding gift 72 Acknowledgment 73 CHRISTMAS GIFTS From employee to employer 76 To acquaintance 77 To benefactor 78 BIRTHDAY LETTER 79 WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES 80 On fifth year 81 For a longer period 81 FOR FAVOR RECEIVED 82 GIFT TO BABY 83 Acknowledging gift for child 84 CHAPTER IV THE LETTER OF CONGRATU- LATION Letter to engaged girl 86 Man to engaged friend 87 For honorary distinction 88 Birthday letter 89 From man to girl on birthday 90 On wedding anniversary 90 Upon recovery from an illness 91 CHAPTER V THE LETTER OF CONDOLENCE Stationery 95 Acknowledgment, formal card 95 Acknowledgment, informal 96 CONTENTS . PAGE Letter upon death of close relative 98 Letter upon death of distant relative .... 100 Letter upon death of friend 100 On material loss loss of animal (pet) .... 100 On soldier lost in battle 101 CHAPTER VI CLUB CORRESPONDENCE Accepting membership 103 Refusal of application for membership .... 105 Resignation, from club : . . . . 107 Resignation, formal 107 Resignation, informal 107 Introducing friend for membership 108 Of thanks for this favor ....'.. 109 Extending hospitality of club no Reply, extending hospitality of club 1 1 1 Letter of condolence upon death of a member 112 Letter of condolence, formal 113 Letter of condolence, informal 113 CHAPTER VII - MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS Bon voyage letter 114 Bon voyage letter addressing envelope . . 114 Bon voyage note. 114 Letter of welcome 115 Letter to serving class 117 Formal note 117 Informal note 118 Letter of recommendation 118 For excellent recommendation 119 Letter requesting information 120 Reply giving information 121 Information office work 122 Recommendation 122 Derogatory . . V. , . . . 123 [xii ] CONTENTS PAGE Letter of introduction 123 Visiting card, introduction 126 Begging letter for charity 126 Begging letter for charity reply affirmative 128 Begging letter for charity refusal 128 To act as patron or patroness 129 To act as patron or patroness acceptance . . 131 To act as patron or patroness refusal ... 132 The child's letter 132 Of thanks 133 On a birthday 134 French mode of addressing and closing letters 134 In addressing 134 Concluding a letter 135 Forms for concluding 135 CHAPTER VIII MODE OF ADDRESS For women 138 Two women with same name 138 Divorced woman 138 Business signature 139 Husband's official title . 139 Title for wife 140 Unmarried women t 140 Men 140 Jr. and Sr 140 Official titles 141 Officers Army and Navy 141 War Office 142 Foreign legation 142 CHART Titular persons 143 [ xiii ] THE SOCIAL LETTER THE SOCIAL LETTER CHAPTER I INTRODUCTION A WISE man once said: "Never put in writing what you would not care to see printed in the newspaper." This is a valuable rule to tack up in front of our desk to start with, and, while this little book aims to give points on the purely social side of letter-writing, the nature of which somewhat, if not entirely, precludes any danger of having our pen run away with us, this admonition is not altogether uncalled for here. The social letter, in the strict sense of the Function word, differs widely from the friendly letter in f i r i- i that it is written for a distinct social purpose; for, or in response to, a purely social occasion. The friendly letter, on the other hand, is our proxy for a little tete-a-tete, telling of the per- sonal news of the day and should be as extem- poraneous as daily speech. Such letters, over THE SOCIAL LETTER and above the demands of education and good- breeding, are given free scope and it would be as footless to dictate rules as it would to commit a monologue to memory prior to a friendly visit. But for the social notes there are certain pre- scribed forms. We knit our brows and shake puzzled heads at the mere thought of having to write them. What must we say just about how much? Mrs. Grundy is at our elbow, and the knowledge of her presence muzzles our spontaneity and we resort to a somewhat stereotyped form which, we feel sure, will pass muster. We do not wish to commit ourselves unduly, therefore, first and foremost let us re- member that a social letter should always be brief. As Hamlet has it: " Since brevity is the soul of wit And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes I will be brief." To-day, of all times, we are a busy people with every moment precious, therefore just put our- selves in the position of a prospective hostess with her thousand-and-one duties; the replies to her invitations come pouring in. For her, at this particular time, the one interest is, not the reason why, so much as the direct knowledge [2 ] INTRODUCTION as to whether she may or may not be able to count us among her guests. The brief advice is, having said our say, stop. Simplicity both in form and words is un- Simplicit* affected and graceful. Flowery language, ex- of Form travagant expressions, effusiveness are, for the j most part, effervescent, and lack the reserve and dignity that are the passwords to good- breeding. "Trimmings" are so often only pathetic in their strained and obvious efforts to hide deficiencies. A letter filled with amenities is like so much suds, and contains as little of the real essence, so that the recipient, after wading through the sea of words, says to himself, "and after all what?" Oh, the joy of receiving a short note written to the point, aptly and ably expressed, free from all redundancy! The social letter admits of two forms: the Forms formal and the informal. The formal is as prescribed and conventional Formal as a gentleman's dress suit, and should be as Notes immaculate in conformation. It is used only for invitations, announcements and replies thereto. In the formal note the third person is always used, and consistency, or rather uniformity, is strictly adhered to. For instance, we would not say: [ 3 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER Mrs. Blank Dash regrets that 7 am unable to accept Mrs. Blank's kind invitation for dinner on Wednesday, March the ninth, as 7 have a previous engagement for that evening. In the second and last lines Mrs. Dash lapsed from the third person into the first in naming herself, thus throwing the whole out of gear. A good suggestion to bear in mind is to imagine that another person is writing for you, and therefore you would naturally say: Mrs. Blank Dash regrets that she is unable to accept Mrs. Blank's kind invitation for dinner on Wednesday, March the ninth, as she has a previous engagement for that evening. A formal note always demands an answer in kind. Among intimate friends a word or so of greeting may be added to "take off the chill," as, "do try to come," etc., but it is not to be denied that this is taking liberties with social usage. The third-person note should always be [ 4 ] INTRODUCTION thought out with regard to wording and spac- ing. As a general rule, date and hour are always spelled out, not written numerically. One side of the note-paper should hold all the text. For the most part the correspondence card is eschewed, perhaps for the reason that it presents a less elegant appearance than the double sheet folded once. But in the case where engraved invitations are used the card is resorted to. The stamped address or mono- gram is never used on engraved invitations, but where there is a coat of arms or crest, these may be used in the center, small and embossed, to lend distinction. For these, no cut-and-dried formula can be Informal given, except in a general way. Notes The informal note holds place with the tuxedo coat, as the formal note does with the swallow- tail. Never, and this is most important, never Forms of address a person in a purely social note as Address "Dear Madam," or "Dear Sir." Remember that the social note must have all the features of a few moments' chat in the drawing-room, and so Mrs. Dash is entitled to the use of her name upon greeting, to show the entente cordiale. Upon no other occasion, except one of business, should "Dear Madam," etc., appear. [ 5 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER In America "my dear" is considered more formal than just "dear" the reverse, how- ever, is the case in England. In Closing It is a fact that ninety-nine times out of a hundred we get along swimmingly when writing the body of the letter, but with the closing sentence comes the rub. How to break away gracefully. We do not wish to do this too abruptly, any more than upon meeting a friend should we leave him without a word or so of well-wishing. An awkward sentence in closing has so often marred what would have been otherwise a good letter, and the unfortunate part of it is that those pesky stumbling words stick in the memory and offset the rest of the epistle. Therefore, let us always try to make a graceful exit, with no awkward stumbling and strained expression, but with a smile and cordial handshake that will linger refreshingly in the memory like pleasant incense long after we have turned the corner. It would be well in a measure to copy the punctilious French with their inherent good manners. Always in writing a charming little closing phrase is adde'd, as (to translate liter- ally), "Receive, I pray you, my sentiments the best and most sincere," or such like. So [6] INTRODUCTION also should we add a word or so for " fragrance," as, "trusting that these few words find you and your family in the best of health," or "I hope the near future will give me the pleasure of see- ing you again," etc. The rigid rules we learned and conned so diligently with regard to the school-day letter writing have, for the most part, been consigned to oblivion. Just as our chirography changes in character as we get on in years, so our thoughts mature and get away from the copy- book style. We come down to a few general rules that we have found held good through time, and we make them our own. We can never write better than we think. Endings vary in degrees of warmth and are Ending the used according to the light in which the re- Letter cipient is held. The table given here indicates the order to be followed : Yours truly Yours very truly Used only in business Yours respectfully letters Yours very respectfully Yours sincerely Yours very sincerely Yours most sincerely Yours cordially [ 7 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Yours in all cordiality Yours most cordially Warmly yours Yours in all sincerity Yours faithfully Yours very faithfully Yours gratefully When a favor has been granted Yours affectionately Very affectionately yours Yours lovingly Very lovingly yours The position of the pronoun "yours" is op- tional. If the preference is to have it at the last, as, "very cordially yours," it is quite cor- rect, but one point to remember in this small but important matter of endings is, that to omit the pronoun yours is exceedingly bad form, as, "very truly" or "sincerely," etc., aside from the fact that the phrase is left unfinished. Abbrevia- Just a few words upon this matter: Never tions abbreviate. At first sight this seems a pretty general and broad statement to make, but if followed literally we may be sure that if we err, it will be on the right side. Theword and is always entitled to its full three letters and never the sign y. With the words [ 8 ] INTRODUCTION street, place, avenue, square, park, etc., the same holds good, as with the name of the month ; any- thing short of the full spelling is distinctly bad and shows carelessness in social correspondence. Speaking by and large, we are known by the Stationery stationery we use, for here the individual comes Etiquette tc the fore. Good or bad taste may be apparent in tone of paper or design. There is as much psychology in the study of this matter as in the selection of the clothes we wear. In those who affect the ultra, the color and design cry it aloud. In what category would you place the woman who is partial to deep purple paper and white ink! It has been used. Sufficient to say that the outre is offensive to good taste; such as start- ling colors, the fads of the seasons, the queer, absurd shapes in form of letter-paper and en- velope. Let us, who wish above all to stand for refinement and good-breeding, neither be like a flock of senseless sheep in matters of selec- tion, accepting the very latest cri, for no other reason except that of fashion, nor seek to at- tract attention by daring originality. It is hard to say which is the worse fault. A quiet tone, if white be not chosen, a monogram that in its very simplicity contains a certain amount of individuality, the subtle something that at first glance pleases the eye [9 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER by its quiet elegance, are the things to aim for. Fashions differ from season to season in sta- tionery and its appurtenances much as in the varying vogue in clothes. But in this, as in our dress, the exaggerated styles are shunned by the person of refinement. To be conspicuous is never his aim. Many keep to one mode of stationery and stamping irrespective of changing styles. Their note-paper becomes as familiar to their friends as their physiognomy. The Letter- There are, generally speaking, three distinct Sheet s j zes m letter-paper. The largest sheet, which is about five by six and one-half inches, is used for general correspondence, its generous size allowing for a lengthy epistle. Then comes the slightly smaller size for short social notes. This must not be too small, for we must remember that in formal notes the full text must appear on the front page only. And lastly, there is the smallest of all; just of sufficient size to allow for a few words of congratulation or condolence on its four sides, or less. Envelopes The envelopes are for the most part either square or oblong; the latter have ever been the more popular, the square-shaped, however, have a large place for those who aim for distinction. [ 10] INTRODUCTION It were well to take into consideration the Mono- fact that this is an age for simplicity in form, grams Take, for instance, architecture, furniture, dress. Crests Where are the frills of yesteryear? What has become of the Moorish decorations, the col- umnar and arcaded, the arabesque and the profusion of meaningless ornamentation that stood for rococo? They have disappeared to give place to simple beauty of line. To-day the art of decoration lies not so much in what to add as in what to eliminate. So it is with our letter-paper. Let us avoid overdressing. Originality can always be the keynote, but simplicity in style must go hand in hand. Just as in a tailored suit; the finer the lines the better the tailor. A simple design in monograms needs more the master-hand than one surrounded by curly-cues and flourishes. The place for the stamping is optional. Since we have agreed that stuffiness is tabooed, the monogram by itself or the address alone pre- sents a better appearance than both together, for one seems to detract from the other. In the placing of the monogram, the center of the paper or the left-hand side is generally used. In the case of the address, it is the center of the paper or the right-hand side. But where there is a country house, the directions are sometimes THE SOCIAL LETTER set in very small letters along the upper left- hand margin, and the name of the house or town at the right, as: TELEPHONE, 748 VALLEY VIEW TELEGRAPH. BREWSTER rAOMFI M V R. R. STATION, BREWSTER. N. Y. CARMtL, N. Y. POST OFFICE. CARMEL This is done so that friends coming to visit may know clearly the directions. Many persons have the fourth page stamped instead of the first, thus making the first the last. It has been found convenient, for in that way the two outer sheets are used in sequence as are the two inner. This does away with the first and third, second and fourth order, which has been found in many cases to be confusing. This form of using the sheet presents a very neat appearance. Addressing After having experimented and found just and Dating w hat pleases us most, it would be well to make a set of rules in the matter of form. Once having mastered them, there should be no further thought as to what must be done under this or that condition. This is not only time-saving but mind-saving. To many, this [ 12 ] INTRODUCTION attention to details may seem trifling, but a wiser person than the author has said, that "it is the little things that count." The most commonly used form for writing the address and date is at the upper right-hand side of the paper. This is, of course, granting that the address is not stamped, but should it be, the date placed at the end of the letter at the lower left-hand side is better for conformity, so as to obviate any writing at the top of the sheet where the stamping appears as : (Stamped) 29 RIVERDALE PLACE, YONKERS, NEW YORK. Heading Body of letter Closing Signature Date Then, again, we find very often that on un- stamped paper the writer leaves both the ad- dress and date until after the signature. This can be satisfactorily explained, for many con- tend that, especially where the recipient is not [ 13 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER well acquainted with the writer, the name, date and address may be seen altogether at one glance. It is rather nice to see the date and address spelled out in social notes. A good rule to follow in this matter is to spell out both address and date if both happen to be short, as, Twenty-five West Fourth Street. But when one spells out the date, it would be better to write, March the sixth, or March sixth, and omit the year, for if we wish to add the year we should not add it numerically and spelling it out would make it too " heavy." If the year is to be added, it were better to write it: March 6, 1918. Even in so small a matter, consistency must be held to, were this not so it would show plainly we were not at ease with social usages. The In the editorial office of a magazine the re- Opening jection of a manuscript many times lies in the Paragraph fact ^^ the firgt page presents too t hi c k" an appearance. The long and heavily worded opening paragraph has prevented more than one reader from wading through it to what might have proved to be a most interesting story. This also applies to letter-writing. Short sentences are always safer than long ones and Punctua- ma^e clearer reading. Profuse punctuation or tion conjunctions do not always help us through a [ H ] INTRODUCTION forest of dense wording and are apt to get us very involved as to just what we mean to say. Always leave a margin of at least three- Appear- fourths of an inch in large sheets and one-half o.nce of in smaller at the left-hand side, and a slightly smaller one at the right-hand side. This gives the letter the appearance of being set in a frame. It is not always the man of genius whose Chirog- handwriting is the despair of his friends; illegi- raphy bility is often due to haste, carelessness and thoughtlessness and may cause our letters to be received with anything but the cordiality we had hoped for, since the deciphering makes for a painful ordeal. The tendency is to run our ing's until they are nothing but a jagged line with a little tail. We forget to dot our Fs so that they get mistaken for another character, as is the case with t's that remain uncrossed. Slurred writing is counterpart to mumbling speech. Some textbooks have it that in social notes Addressing the number of the street, if it contains not more Envelopes than two figures, should be spelled out. The argument in refutation is: Consider the poor postman! Think of the thousands of letters he must handle and whose addresses he has to decipher daily. A week of such a rule as sug- gested above would send the poor man to a [ 15 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER sanitarium to recuperate from a bad attack of brain fever! Remember that the envelope is the wrapping paper, it must present explicit directions. Therefore it is necessary to make the name and address as clear and concise as it is possible to do. Never be afraid to give too full instruc- tions, for the dead-letter office may receive your letter if "you don't watch out." In the case of addressing an envelope to a person residing in New York City, it were always wiser to write, New York City, New York. This will preclude any chance of its going astray were it written merely New York, and at least gives the writer the satisfaction of knowing that he has done all that he can to insure his letter arriving at its proper destination. If the address is very brief, as, Thirty West Fourth Street, or 600 Fifth Avenue, the number of the house may be written numerically and the number of the street or avenue spelled. The word "for" written before the name is a fad that is not indulged in by the "best people," as: For Mrs. Blank Dash besides the fact of its being entirely unnecessary. [ 16 ] INTRODUCTION In the matter of writing the name of the state without abbreviation, the answer is, that if it should happen to be very long it is right to abbreviate if one wishes, but if short, like Maine, it must never be abbreviated. The usual form of addressing envelopes is: Mrs. Blank Dash, 14 Courtlandt Place, Trenton, New Jersey or: Mrs. Blank Dash, 14 Courtlandt Place, Trenton, New Jersey The first is the more popular, though the last is newer and sometimes effected. The postage stamp should be put on care- fully in the upper right-hand corner of the en- velope. The "slapped-on" effect that teeters on one angle makes as poor an appearance to the ensemble of the envelope as a carelessly tied cravat on an immaculate collar. Again, con- sistency in care and thought results in a splendid whole. If the letter is to be forwarded, a notation in small writing may be added in the lower left- THE SOCIAL LETTER hand corner, as, "// not at given address kindly forward," or just the words, "Kindly (or please) forward." The words personal or important should not be added if the letter be sent by mail. Only in the case where it is delivered by hand may they be used. We trust Uncle Sam's men to see that our letter reaches its destination on schedule time, not so, always, with private employees. Elimina- Do not let us forget that correspondence is tion of the blood-relation to the personal visit. For in- stance, if a guest entered our home we would, I am sure, put his interest foremost in our con- versation, at least until he had told us all he wished to say on the subject. Had he been in ill health, in stress of worry, we would inquire how he was getting along. If, in his family, there had been illness, we would be solicitous ; then, only when that topic had been exhausted, would we intrude our own affairs. We always offer our guest the best chair, while we content ourselves for the time being with the straight-backed, spindle-legged one. So it is in writing letters. Never, if we can avoid it, must we bring the personal in starting our letter. That does not mean that we may not start our letter with the pronoun "I," as we were taught not to do in days gone by, but if we do use it, let us make the [ 18 ] INTRODUCTION "I" subservient to the "you" and "your." The first person pronoun staring at us at the beginning of every paragraph is not only poor writing but creates a poor effect; having the interest of the recipient at heart carries almost invariably a feeling of warmth and brings in return a more cordial response. There is much to say with regard to the Psychologi- psychological effect on receipt of a letter. Let ca } Bftct 11 of a Letter us always bear m mind the type 01 person to whom we are writing. Letter-writing is an art and should be treated as such. Sometimes the lightest touch, a mere hint, is all that should be sent to John, while Henry, being a totally different sort of a fellow, needs to have your thoughts baldly and plainly put. There is the analytical person he reads be- tween the lines a sentence left in abeyance causes suspicion. Look out when writing to such an one. Uncle George is a crotchety old man; under his gruff exterior he hides a heart of gold. He is indeed well worth humoring; don't tread on his toes. Aunt Matilda, on the other hand, is garrulous and especially wishes you to dilate upon her latest trouble. Without hypocrisy, do so, since you are pleasing her at no cost to others. In other words, we should take into con- [ 19 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER sideration the peculiarities and foibles of the person to whom we are writing. In all social intercourse there is inevitably the "rebound;" let us take care that it is not such as will come up with force and strike us in the face. Answering How many of us really answer a letter? That a Letter j s to saVj we mav wr it e to Mrs. Dash because Mrs. Dash wrote to us, but do we make our replies dovetail? It is a wise plan always to keep the letter to be answered until we have done so, reading it over just prior to sitting down to the task and so, having the contents well in mind, we can reply to questions asked, inquire after the welfare of someone or make mention of certain conditions referred to. The Note Ofttimes we say to ourselves : " I wonder anV a whether this needs an answer?" The solution essage tQ ^^ remar j c j s . When in doubt answer. The mere fact that a question arose in our mind is sufficient reason to warrant the taking up of our pen. It is not by any means the long, effusive letter that contains a message. In sorrow or joy a few words written from the heart may linger, much as the sincere clasp of a hand, while a collection of words may ring as hollow as an empty barrel, and further, if saturated with banalities, leave a sickish feeling. One cannot [ 20 ] INTRODUCTION always write deep from the heart to certain persons. If that be the case, then let us write as little as we dare. Sitting down to a duty letter in rebellious mood is death to endeavor, for strive as we may, the strain of writing will show. So, let us try to get ourselves into the right frame of mind and seek to write the kind of a letter we ourselves would wish to receive were the circumstances reversed. It is an in- exorable maxim that we receive in such measure as we give. Mere pretty words are like flowers without fragrance, and this lack of "perfume" is as quickly detected. Never use business paper for a social note Don'ts Never typewrite a social note Never abbreviate in a social note Never begin with Dear Madam or Dear Sir Never underscore words Never use postscripts Never use the sign # for number The examples of notes that appear in the follow- ing chapters are, in the case of formal notes, absolute types of how such notes should be worded, spaced, and punctuated. Several dif- ferent forms are shown in some cases and are given in their order of popularity. But, in the informal notes, where form and language should [ 21 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER be unstilted, the examples of such are given merely to suggest a trend or sequence of thought. They should not be copied verbatim, for this would tend to shackle the mind of the writer, and all originality of thought would be lost. They are but building materials, and should so be used. CHAPTER II THE INVITATION Avf invitation, no matter how informal, When to should always be acknowledged within Answer an a week of its receipt. This acknowledgment, nvita Wl whether acceptance or refusal, should be made definite, for any doubtful expression, such as: "I hope to be able to come if ," or "If I re- turn to town in time I shall be most pleased ," The etc., leaves the hostess-elect very much at sea; Definite in what state of mind would she be if eight e $ y out of ten responses contained such a clause? Our answer, therefore, must be made a posi- tive acceptance or regret, and we must abide by our decision. There are times when the hostess is so very desirous of having us on a particular occasion, that she, herself, gives us the oppor- tunity in a loop-hole clause. Then, we may give the conditional answer. As was said in the preceding chapter, an in- vitation must always be answered in kind. The formal reply for the formal invitation, the wording to follow very closely that of the invi- tation. While the informal invitation should [ 23 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER receive a reply in the first person, the wording of which must cover only the matter in hand, it should be free from all stilted phrasing and have a pleasing cordiality in tone. To Whom Where there are husband and wife, neither to Address O ne nor the other should be omitted in an even- tions m & mv itation, unless it be a "one sex" club affair or " stag." Where there is also a daughter to be invited, she may be included in the word- ing of the invitation; where two daughters, a separate invitation should be sent to "The Misses Blank." But, on the other hand, in- vitations sent to the men of the family, other than the husband, should be mailed separately to each member. The full name of the writer, whether issuing invitation or replying, should be used, while only the last name should be written to the one to whom we are writing as, in invitation: Mr. and Mrs. John Monroe Smith request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Hooper's, etc. while, in reply: Mr. and Mrs. Harold Dwight Hooper regret (or accept) Mr. and Mrs. Smith's, etc. [ 24 ] THE INVITATION When an invitation is sent to Mr. and Mrs. To Whom Blank, the acknowledgment must be made in to Address both names, and if the daughter is included, her .' y name must also be added. If Mr. and Mrs. Dash send an invitation, the acknowledgment must be made to both, but the envelope must be addressed to Mrs. Dash only. For, while hus- band and wife act together in the social func- tion itself, the wife is the active manager in getting up the affair. If the invitation be sent to a man, he should acknowledge it personally, but when sent to husband and wife, the latter should answer for both. Where husband and wife are both invited and the husband is unable to attend, the wife should send regrets for both, but if she wishes to state that "Owing to Mr. Dash's absence from town," etc., the hostess can ask Mrs. Dash alone, if she wishes, who may accept without her husband. If the invitation is made out: "The Board of For Club Managers of the Club request the pleasure," Invitations etc., the answer must be given with the same wording as appears on the invitation and sent to the person in charge whose name is generally written on the lower left-hand corner with personal address. Where no such information [ 25 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER is given, the reply must be made out to the said board of managers, etc., and sent to the club address. Visiting Never acknowledge an invitation of any kind Card on a visiting card, even though a visiting card is used in invitation. (See receptions, garden parties, at homes.) The In large, formal social functions, the in- Engraved yitations are always engraved. These very Invitation f i i_ u u formal invitations should be sent out two or three weeks in advance by mail or messenger. This gives the prospective hostess time to fill in, in case of regrets. It is always a good plan to have a long reserve list for such con- tingencies. Afternoon Invitations for afternoon affairs, such as Affairs a t homes and garden parties, are issued in the name of the hostess alone, or, if she has a daughter or daughters in society, they may be included, but not the men of the house. Invitation A young gir) does not send invitations to through men i n her own name, but in that of her mother, a v* er or person under whose guardianship or chap- or Young Girl eronage she happens to be. bo she would say, that her mother, her aunt, Mrs. Dash, etc. (as case may be), desires her to extend the invitation, etc. [ 26 ] THE INVITATION Without wishing to infringe into social cus- Leaving toms other than letter etiquette, there must Cafds be a word said in regard to the leaving of cards in response to invitations sent. It has so long been a debatable question as to just when to leave cards, that there has, at last, been an ac- cepted rule made for those who wish to be considered punctilious in these matters. If unable to accept an invitation, a card should be left at the home of the hostess just prior to the date of the invitation. If accepted, not later than two weeks after the affair is given. When a bachelor gives a dinner, the women invited never leave cards at his home or club. In replying to invitations, always be explicit Details as to day of week, date and hour set, copying to be each from the invitation itself. Then, if by Considered any chance the hostess has made an error, she will note it by your quoting her in your reply. It thus avoids most awkward and embarrass- ing situations for both parties, such as coming on the wrong day or at the wrong hour. But when answering in "regret," the hour need not be mentioned, for the very obvious rea- son that if you are unable to come on this date the time set is of no importance. [ 27 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Dinners Invitation Formal In sending invitations and replies the date of writing may or may not be added. In the following examples the dates are omitted. Where invitations are not engraved and the paper is stamped with address, the address added in the following is to be ignored. As the dinner invitation is the highest form of courtesy, it will be given precedence of all others in the following examples : MR. AND MRS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF Mr. and Mrs. Blank's COMPANY AT DINNER ON THURSDAY. FEBRUARY AT EIGHT O'CLOCK SIXTH 433 NORTH AVENUE Invitation Formal Engraved Form with Blank for Name MR. AND MRS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF 433 NORTH AVENUE [28] THE INVITATION Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank Acceptance accept with pleasure Formal Mr. and Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for dinner on Thursday, February the sixth at eight o'clock 65 West Drive or: Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank have much pleasure in accepting the very kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Dash for dinner on Thursday, February the sixth at eight o'clock 6^ West Drive In writing regrets it is always more cour- R e g re t teous to give the reason for inability to accept, Formal but this is not always done. Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank regret that a previous engagement prevents their accepting Mr. and Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for dinner on Thursday, February the sixth 65 West Drive [ 29 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER or: Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank regret exceedingly that they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for dinner on Thursday, February the sixth 65 West Drive Special When an invitation is given for a special Purpose p ur pose as, for instance, to meet a friend from Invitation ^ r~ out or town, a debutante, an engaged couple, a person of distinction, or a Committee or Board of Directors of some society, this fact is placed, in the case of engraved invitation cards, in the upper right-hand corner of the invitation, as, "to meet Miss Doe," or "to meet Miss Blank and Mr. Dash," etc. If the invitation is written, this information is incorporated in the body as: Mr. and Mrs. Blank Dash request the pleasure of Mr. Colt's company at dinner on Tuesday, January the first at eight o'clock to meet General and Mrs Lucius Ring 433 North Avenue [ 30 ] THE INVITATION Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank Special . . . Purpose accept with pleasure Reply Mr. and Mrs. Dash's Acceptance kind invitation for dinner on Thursday, January the twelfth at eight o'clock to meet General and Mrs. Lucius Ring West Drive In all invitations from clubs, societies, etc., the full title is given, as shown below. Mr. Thomas Colt Special regrets that absence from town ^?^ prevents his accepting Regret Mr. and Mrs. Blank's kind invitation for dinner on Tuesday ', January the first, to meet the Board of Directors of the National Bounty Society Main Street If the dinner is given in a place other than the home, the fact must be noted in the body of the invitation as : [ 3i ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Invitation Mr. and Mrs. Blank Dash when held request the pleasure of in Place ,, , ,/. , ,, other than Mrs ' and Miss Blank's Home company at dinner at Sherry's on Thursday, March the twentieth at half past seven o'clock 65 Northern Avenue Acceptance Mrs. Dash Blank and Miss Blank accept with much pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Dash's very kind invitation for dinner at Sherry's on Thursday, March the twentieth at half past seven o'clock 70 Marlborough Road Regret Mrs. Dash Blank and Miss Blank regret exceedingly that they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. Dash's very kind invitation for dinner at Sherry's on Thursday, March the twentieth, owing to a previous engagement to dine with Mr. and Mrs. Trowbridge 70 Marlborough Road [ 32 ] THE INVITATION The informal invitation is always sent by The the wife for her husband and self, to the Informal wife, including the latter's husband in the invitation. My dear Mrs. Dash, Will you and Mr. Dash give us the pleasure of your company at a small dinner on Thurs- day, October the sixth, at half past seven o'clock? Trusting that we may have you with us, I remain, Yours very sincerely, Helen Doe Blank. Note that the wife always signs herself by her Christian, maiden and married name, or by using only the initial for the maiden name. My dear Mrs. Blank, Both Mr. Dash and I will be very glad to Informal dine with you and Mr. Blank on Thursday, Acceptance October the sixth, at half past seven o'clock. With cordial greetings, I am, Very sincerely yours, Edith T. Dash. My dear Mrs. Blank, Unfortunately Mr. Dash and I have a pre- Informal vious engagement for dinner on Tuesday, Regret October sixth. We are so very sorry not to be [ 33 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER able to accept your kind invitation for that evening. With kind regards, believe me, Yours cordially, Emily P. Dash. Daughter When the daughter of the house is hostess in of House ner father's home, she always issues the invi- tation including his name as: My dear Mrs. Blank, Father wishes me to say that he would be so pleased to have you and Mr. Blank dine with us on Monday, April the tenth, at quarter past seven o'clock. Hoping very much that you have no other engagement for that evening, I am, Yours most sincerely, Evelyn S. Andrews. My dear Miss Andrews, Acceptance We are most pleased to accept your father's kind invitation to dine with you on Monday, April the tenth, at quarter past seven o'clock. With cordial greetings to you both, I remain, Yours very sincerely, Margaret Grey Blank. My dear Miss Andrews, Regret It is with much regret that I write to say that a previous engagement for dinner on Mon- day, April the tenth, prevents our accepting [ 34 ] THE INVITATION your father's most kind invitation for that eve- ning. Will you kindly convey our thanks for thinking of us? With kind regards, I am, Very sincerely yours, Edith James Doe. Invitations for dinners and luncheons often Including include concert, opera, lecture, matinee or Opera, etc. theatre. This is sometimes added, in case of formal invitations, at the end as : MR. AND MRS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF Mr. and Mrs. Blank's COMPANY AT DINNER On Wednesday, March the fourth At half past seven o'clock And afterward for the play (or opera, etc.) 56 BROAD VIEW AVENUE Mr. and Mrs. Blank Dash request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Blank's company for dinner and opera on Friday, March the thirteenth at quarter past seven o'clock [ 35 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER Acceptance Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank accept with much pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for dinner on Wednesday, March the fourth at half past seven o'clock and afterward for the play 65 West Drive Regret Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank regret that they are unable to accept the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Dash for dinner and opera on Friday, March the fourth, owing to a previous engagement 65 West Drive LUNCHEONS Luncheon invitations, while for the most part less formal than those for dinners, follow them in wording. They are issued only in the name of the hostess, except when [ 36] THE INVITATION men are invited. Therefore, the following ex- amples will give not only the form, but will also embody the different special occasions, so that the reader will become familiar with all kinds. To meet Miss Edith Howe MRS. BLANK DASH REQUESTS THE PLEASURE OF Formal Invitation " to meet" and to the Matinee Miss Doe's COMPANY AT LUNCHEON on Wednesday, November the fourth at half past one o'clock and afterward to the matinee Miss Doe accepts with pleasure Mrs. Dash's very kind invitation for luncheon on Wednesday, November the fourth at half past one o'clock to meet Miss Howe and to go afterward to the matinee 78 N. Tremont Street [ 37 ] Reply Acceptance THE SOCIAL LETTER Formal Miss Doe regrets that a previous engagement prevents her from accepting Mrs. Dash's very kind invitation for luncheon on Wednesday , November the fourth to meet Miss Howe and to go afterward to the matinee 78 N. Tremont Street My dear Mrs. Dash, Informal Will you and Edith come to luncheon on Invitation Tuesday, May the sixth, at half past one o'clock ? Mrs. John Doe and her daughter Amy will be here and I should so like to have you both meet them. Hoping to hear that you have no previous engagement for that day, I am, Cordially yours, Ethel York Blank. My dear Mrs. Dash, Will you lunch with me most informally on Thursday, the sixth of March, at half past one o'clock? Hoping so much that you can, I am, Yours cordially, Ethel Y. Blank. [ 38 ] THE INVITATION My dear Mrs. Blank, Both Edith and I will be most glad to come Informal to you for luncheon on Tuesday, May the sixth, Acceptance at half past one o'clock. It will give us great pleasure to meet your friend and her daughter, of whom we have heard such charming reports. Thank you so much for thinking of us. Yours very sincerely, Marion Blank Dash. My dear Mrs. Blank, It is with great regret that I must decline Informal your very kind invitation for luncheon on Regret Thursday, the sixth of March, to meet the Board of Directors of the Clodine Club, as I am having a little luncheon at home on that day for my young daughter. With cordial good wishes, I am, Sincerely yours, Mary V. Dash. These are always sent in letter form as, for Informal the most part, such entertainments are in- f or Theatre, formal affairs. gjJJJ^ Qr Party My dear Miss Doe, We are planning a little party of eight to go to the play on Wednesday evening next, with supper at home after, and would be delighted to be able to count you among our guests. We are to meet in the lobby of the Singer Theatre at quarter past eight o'clock. Do [ 39 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER try to come and thus help us make our little outing a success. With cordial good greetings, believe me, Yours most sincerely, Marion S. Blank. My dear Mrs. Blank, Acceptance It is so kind of you to include me in your theatre party for Wednesday evening next. Indeed, I shall be delighted to come and will be in the lobby of the Singer Theatre at the ap- pointed time, quarter past eight o'clock. With kindest regards, and looking forward to being with you, I am, Cordially yours, Esther H. Doe. My dear Mrs. Blank, Regret It is with great reluctance that I send you this note of regret in answer to your most kind invitation for the play on Wednesday evening, March the sixth. I am expecting a friend from the South to spend the week with me, and so will not be free that evening. Appreciating your kindness in asking me, I am, Sincerely yours, Josephine Grew Trout. THE INVITATION WEDDINGS Formal wedding invitations should always Weddings be engraved. They are issued in the name of F rma l the bride's parents, or, if the bride is an or- phan, in the names of a married brother and his wife; should the bride be an only child, the nearest relative or guardian would have to officiate in such a case. In the church wedding the invitation reads, "requests the honour of your presence" (note that "honour" is spelled the English way with the "u"), while the home wedding has a slightly varied wording, viz.: "requests the pleasure of your company." The guest's name is written upon both in- vitation, reception or breakfast card, the inner envelope unsealed, and the outer addressed and stamped. The church and reception cards are enclosed with the wedding invitation. At home cards of a bridal couple may be sent separately after the wedding. The wedding invitation is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Dash. It is not correct to add and family, but to the unmarried daughters an invitation is sent to The Misses, and a separate one to each of the sons invited. Acquaintances are invited only to the wed- [ 4i 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER ding ceremony; friends receive the reception card also. Invitation Engraved MB. AND MBS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE HONOUR OF PRESENCE AT THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER JANET HELEN MB. JOHN WILLIAM DOE ON THE EVENING OF MONDAY, THE TENTH OF MARCH AT SIX O'CLOCK AT THE NORTH END PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH BEDFORD PARK, NEW YORK CITY or: MB. AND MBS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE HONOUR OF YOUR PRESENCE AT THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER JANET HELEN AND MB. JOHN WILLIAM DOE ON MONDAY, MARCH THE TENTH AT SIX O'CLOCK AT THE NORTH END PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH, BEDFORD PARK, NEW YORK CITY [42 ] THE INVITATION In a large church wedding, the engraved admission card reads: PLEASE PKESEXT THIS CARD AT THE NORTH END PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH ON MONDAY, TENTH OF MARCH The church wedding invitation needs no written acknowledgment, except in rare cases where R. S. V. P. is added in the lower left- hand corner. But for a home wedding an answer is generally requested, owing to limited accommodations. The reply, whether in ac- ceptance or regret, as in all formal invitations, must follow the wording of the one received, even as to date and place. If unable to attend a wedding where no reply is necessary, a card should be sent to the parents or guar- dian of the bride to be received the day of the wedding. These invitations should be sent out two or three weeks before the wedding. If there is a crest it may be used, embossed at the heading [ 43 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER of the invitation. This does not apply to other than coat of arms or crests. MB. AND MBS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF COMPANY AT THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER JANET HELEN AND MB. JOHN WILLIAM DOE ON TUESDAY, MARCH THE FIFTH AT TWELVE O'CLOCK R.S.V.P. FOUR HUNDRED WEST NINETY-SIXTH STREET Separate cards are generally enclosed for the wedding breakfast with the ceremony in- vitation, as: MB. AND MBS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF (NAME WRITTEN IN) AT BREAKFAST ON MONDAY, JUNE THE FIRST AT TWELVE O'CLOCK [ 44 ] THE INVITATION Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank Acceptance accept with pleasure Bedding Mr. and Mrs. Dash's Invitation kind invitation to be present at the marriage of their daughter Janet Helen and Mr. John William Doe on Tuesday, May the seventh at twelve o'clock and afterward at the wedding breakfast When the wedding takes place in the country, card is generally included, as: TRAIN LEAVES GRAND CENTRAL STATION AT TEN-FORTY-TWO FOR PLEASA.NTVILLE RETURN TRAIN LEAVES PLEASANTVILLE AT THREE-TWENTY FOR NEW YORK Upon arrival motor cars, supplied by the host, should be sent to meet guests and to take them back to the station. [ 45 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Regret Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank regret exceedingly that they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. Dash's kind invitation to be present at the marriage of their daughter Janet Helen and Mr. John William Doe on Tuesday, May the seventh and afterward at the wedding breakfast Informal The informal home wedding is one to which Wedding O nly the immediate family and close friends are invited. These "quiet" weddings generally take place when there has been a recent death in the family, or merely from a preference for a small affair. For these, a short note is written generally by the bride-elect, as: My dear Mrs. Blank, Informal Owing to the recent death of my grand- Invitation mother, Mr. Doe and I are to be married very quietly at home on Tuesday, May the ninth, at eleven o'clock. We would be so pleased if you and Mr. Blank will come. Yours very sincerely, Janet H. Dash. [ 46 ] THE INVITATION or: Dear Mrs. Blank, Mr. Doe and I are to be married at home on Tuesday, May the ninth, at eleven o'clock. We are asking only a very few of our friends to be present and would be so glad to have you and Mr. Blank here on that day. Trusting that you will be able to come, I am, Yours very sincerely, Janet H. Dash. My dear Miss Dash, It will give us great pleasure to attend your Acceptance wedding on Tuesday, May the ninth, at eleven Informal o'clock. We are most glad to be counted in as your close friends. With cordial wishes to you and Mr. Doe, I am Sincerely yours, Mary Blank. My dear Miss Dash, It is indeed unfortunate that I shall be out Regret of town the day of your wedding, and regret Informal exceedingly the circumstance which prevents me from attending. Wishing you and Mr. Doe every happiness, lam, Cordially yours, Mary V. Howe. Note that the invitations speak of "mar- Wedding riage" while the replies say "wedding." Mar- Announce- riage is the act of marrying, while wedding is the marriage ceremony. It is a very fine thread that denotes the distinction; nevertheless it is marked. [ 47 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER Engraved wedding announcements are never acknowledged by note. A card sent to the bride's parents and a personal call upon the bride after her return to town, if her new visiting card is enclosed, is all that is necessary. Announce- ment Second Marriage MR. AND MRS. BLANK DASH ANNOUNCE THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER JANET HELEN TO MR. JOHN "WILLIAM DOE ON MONDAY, MAY THE TENTH In case of a second marriage of the bride, the announcement reads (if she be a widow) MR. JOHN WILLIAM DOE AND MRS. JAMES EGBERT HOWLAND ANNOUNCE THEIR MARRIAGE ON MONDAY, AUGUST THE ELEVENTH OJOt THOUSAND NINETBEX II t M .|:Hl AND I n. II I I K N If the bride is a divorcee, the announcement reads : [48 ] THE INVITATION MR. JOHN WILLIAM DOE MRS. ELSIE BLANK HOWLAND ANNOUNCE THEIR MARRIAGE ON MONDAY, AUGUST THE ELEVENTH M>l!l II AND EIGHTEEN Sudden death in the family, or any other Recalling serious cause, is sufficient reason for recalling Invitations the invitation or postponing the wedding. A small card, engraved if possible, is sent: OWING TO THE SUDDEN DEATH OF MR. JOHN DOE'S MOTHER, MR AND MRS. BLANK BKG TO RE- CALL THE INVITATIONS FOR THEIR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING ON TUESDAY, MAY THE NINTH. or: MR. AND MRS. DASH BLANK BEG TO RECALL Till: INVITATIONS FOR THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER, JANET HELEN, AND MH. JOHN WILLIAM DOB, ON TUESDAY, MAY THE NINTH. [ 49 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER or: MB. AND MIIS. DASH BLANK BEG TO ANNOUNCE THAT, OWING TO A SUDDEN DEATH IN THE FAMILT, THE WEDDING OF THE1B DAUGHTEB, JANET HELEN, AND MB. JOHN WILLIAM DOE IS POSTPONED. BALLS When a ball is to be given on a large scale, the invitations are engraved and sent out from two to three weeks in advance. The word "ball" is never used except for an assembly or charity dance. Invitation MR. AND MRS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF Mr. and Mrs. Blank's COMPANY AT A COTILLION TO BE HELD AT THE HOTEL HILTMERE LOCK 657 SRAND BOULEVARD THE INVITATION MR. AND MRS, BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF YOUR PRESENCE AT A COSTUME DANCE TO BE GIVEN AT THEIR HOME ON AT ELEVEN O'CLOCK Fit COMPANY ON AT MR, AND MRS. BLANK DASH REQUEST THE PLEASURE QF (NAME TO BE WRITTEN IN) (STATE DATE) (STATE HOUR) Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Dash's very kind invitation to a cotillion to be held at Hotel Hiltmere On Tuesday, January the ninth ' at eleven o'clock [ 5i ] Acceptance THE SOCIAL LETTER or: Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Dash's most kind invitation to a bal masque on the evening of February the sixteenth at eleven o'clock Regret Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank regret exceedingly that they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. Dash's kind invitation to attend a dance on Tuesday, February the seventeenth or: Mr. and Mrs. Dash Blank regret that, owing to a previous engagement, they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. Dash's very kind invitation to be present at their dance On Thursday, March the sixth Informal For smaller and more informal affairs, the Dances s hort social note, or visiting card with Danc- ing at ten, March the third, R. S. V. P., is used. [ 52] THE INVITATION My dear Mrs. Dash, Will you and Mr. Dash give us the pleasure of seeing you here on Saturday, January seventh, at ten o'clock? We are planning to have a small dance and would be so pleased if you would join us. In the hope of seeing you both on the seventh, I am, Cordially yours, Mary V. Blank. MR, AND MRS, BLANK DASH AT HOME Dancing at ten March the third R. S. V. P. 657 SOUTH STREET Visiting Card Invitation An invitation by visiting card should never be acknowledged by one. A short note, as in the informal acceptance or regret, should be sent within the week. My dear Mrs. Dash, Thank you so much for asking us to your Acceptance dance on Tuesday, March the third, at ten Informal o'clock. [ 53 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER Both Mr. Blank and I are most pleased to accept. With cordial good wishes, I am, Sincerely yours, Cordelia G. Blank, or: My dear Mrs. Dash, As Mr. Blank is as fond of dancing as am I, we are both looking forward with much pleasure to being with you on Tuesday, March the third, at ten o'clock. Yours very sincerely, Cordelia G. Blank. My dear Mrs. Dash, Informal Owing to Mr. Blank still being in mourning, Regret we sna ^ have to forego the pleasure of accept- ing your kind and cordial invitation to your dance on Tuesday, March the third. Thanking you for wishing to have us with you, I am, Very sincerely yours, Marion V. Blank. RECEPTIONS AND AT HOMES In most cases invitations for receptions or at homes are never acknowledged by note. If we accept, our presence there on the ap- pointed day is sufficient. If we are unable to attend, our visiting card is sent to arrive on the day of the reception, except where an an- [ 54 1 THE INVITATION swer is explicitly required, then the reply may be as follows: Mrs. Blank Dash Acceptance accepts with pleasure Mrs. Blank's kind invitation for Thursday afternoon October the thirtieth Mrs. Blank Dash regrets that she is unable to accept Regret Mrs. Blank's kind invitation for Thursday afternoon October the thirtieth Mrs. Blank Dash regrets that she is unable to be present at Mrs. Blank's At home on Thursday afternoon October the thirtieth CLUBS AND SOCIETIES The club or society invitation is generally issued in the name of the board of managers, board of governors, or whatever title may be given. If the club has an insignia it is used, embossed, at the heading. The invitations are always formal and engraved. [ 55 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER or: THE BOARD OF GOVERNORS OF THE NATIONAL WELFARE CLUB REQUEST THE PRESENCE OF (NAME WRITTEN IN) AND FRIENDS AT THE OPENING OF THEIR SPRING EXHIBITION ON THE AFTERNOON OF FRIDAY. JUNE THE SECOND ONE THOUSAND NINETECN HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN FROM THREE UNTIL FIVE O'CLOCK DLT REPLY TO MR. BLANK DASH 400 EAST THIRD STREET THE BOARD OF MANAGERS OF THE NATIONAL WELFARE CLUB HAS THE HONOR TO INVITE (NAME WRITTEN IN) TO A CONFERENCE TO BE HELD AT FOUR O'CLOCK HE AFTERNOON OF THURSDAY. JUNE 1STH AT THE SOCIETY'S BUILDING 145 CIVIC SQUARE [56 J THE INVITATION Mrs. Dash Blank accepts with pleasure The Board of Managers of the National Welfare Club's kind invitation for Thursday afternoon June the eighteenth Acceptance Mrs. Dash Blank regrets that she is unable to accept The Board of Governors of the National Welfare Club's kind invitation for Tuesday afternoon, June i8th Where the invitation reads : Regret MRS. BLANK DASH MRS, BLANK'S PRESENCE ON TUESDAY AFTERNOON. JUNE 1BTH TO MEET THE BOARD OF GOVERNORS OF THE NATIONAL WELFARE SOCIETY FROM FOUR TO SEVEN O'CLOCK [ 57 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Mrs. Dash Blank accepts with pleasure Mrs. Dash's kind invitation to meet The Board of Governors of the National Welfare Society On Tuesday afternoon, June i8th Regret Mrs. Dash Blank regrets that a previous engagement prevents her from accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation to meet The Board of Governors of the National Welfare Society On Tuesday, June the eighteenth GARDEN PARTIES Garden parties are, for the most part, in- formal affairs, and many times the at home visiting card is used with the words, Garden Party, Thursday, June the second, from four to seven o'clock, written on the lower left-hand side. If one happens to be very friendly, do try and come may be added at the top of the card. If it happens to be a very large and formal affair a formal engraved invitation is issued [ 58 ] THE INVITATION and answered in kind. But this is rare, so examples are not given here. The garden party holds the place in society of an "at home" held out of doors. HOUSE OR WEEK-END PARTIES The week-end visit differs from the house party in that the visitor knows that he is ex- pected to come on Friday or Saturday and leave on the following Monday morning. The house party, on the other hand, might mean that the guest is to stay one or possibly two weeks. So the hostess, in writing her invita- tions, may mention the special cause, if there be one, such as, over Thanksgiving, or to meet a certain friend, etc. She will say a word or so regarding any sports to be indulged in, so that the guest may come equipped with bath- ing-suit, golf clubs, tennis racket, skates, etc., and a word is given about social entertain- ments as a hint as to the kind of clothes to bring. She will enclose a time-table, indicating the best train. My dear Miss James, I am asking a few friends over the next Invitation week-end and would be so glad if you can manage to come. [ 59 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER As the ice on Tinker's Pond is at its best, I am giving you but short notice, fearing a warm spell may come to prevent us from skat- ing there. John Doe and his sister, I hope, will be here, and I am asking only those who I know will be congenial, so do come and help us have a jolly time. Bring your warmest wraps as we will be do- ing quite a bit of motoring also. As this is very impromptu, I intend to have it most informal, so do not feel that you must bring evening clothes. I am enclosing a time-table. You will see that I have underscored the 3.32, as it is the best afternoon train. Let me hear from you at an early date that I may expect you on Saturday. With best wishes, I am, Very cordially yours, Mary Blank. My dear Miss Blank, Acceptance Your invitation to come to you next Satur- day for the week-end is far too alluring to re- fuse. It is most kind of you to include me in your little party. My skates stand ready and shall be the first things to go into my bag. I shall pray that this glorious cold spell con- tinues until, at least, after we have all enjoyed Tinker's Pond. Many thanks for your thoughtfulness in en- [ 60 ] THE INVITATION closing the time-table. I shall take the 3.32 train as you suggest. In anticipation of seeing you next Saturday, I am, Cordially yours, Edith James. My dear Miss Blank, My desire is to write an acceptance to your Regret tempting invitation to spend the next week- end with you, but unfortunately I must put it aside and send my regrets instead. The latter part of the week is filled with en- gagements which I dare not break. An im- portant dinner comes on Saturday night and friends are due here to spend Sunday with me. So you see I am tied completely. It was most kind of you to think of me in planning your little party, and I greatly appreciate having been invited. Hoping tb see you in the very near future, I am, Very cordially yours, Mary V. Dash. Upon our return from the week-end or house " The party, courtesy demands that a note be sent Bread-aud- io our hostess, expressing our appreciation of f U tt er the hospitality received. This kind of letter is known by the quaint term of "The Bread-and- Butter Letter." [ 61 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER My dear Miss Blank, Having arrived safely home, my first thought is to write and tell you again how very much I enjoyed the perfectly splendid week-end I had with you. The memory of those good times will afford me many delightful moments for a long time to come. It was so good of you to have included me in your jolly little party. With kindest greeting to you and your brother, I am, Yours very cordially, Ethel V. Doe. or: My dear Miss Blank, Sitting again in my office I wonder if, after all, those delightful two days spent in your charming home were but a dream. I want to thank you again for your kind and cordial hospitality. Hoping soon to have the pleasure of seeing you in town, I am, Sincerely yours, David B. Vorse. Dear Edith, We arrived home still breathless from the exhilaration of those wonderful days spent with you. You were a dear to give us such a jolly time, and John and I are looking forward to the time when you can come and spend a while with us. Although we have no glorious lake [ 62 ] THE INVITATION for skating, we may, perhaps, be able to find a few other pastimes to interest you in our big city, although I know that anything short of Tinker's Pond will prove a poor substitute. Thank you, dear girl, for having us with you. John joins me in sending best regards to all the family. Affectionately yours, Mary K. Grainer. My dear Miss Blank, Tinker's Corners is a landmark in my small geography of "special selections." I am sure that the others whom you entertained so royally last week must feel as I do. The warmth of your hospitality will leave a glow in our memory for some time to come. With kindest greeting to your dear mother and brother, I am, Cordially yours, Helen D. Westvale. Very many times an invitation is given over Reminders the telephone, or en passant. Upon our return home, we intend to write this invitation down in our engagement book, and forget to do so. In the meantime, the hostess is preparing for our coming. The day arrives and we are where? It is a most awkward situation for us; and for our hostess it is more than trying. [ 63 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER The way to obviate this possibility is for the hostess-elect to follow up her verbal in- vitation by a "reminder" note. This safe- guards her, at all events, for she has then done all she can to insure our coming.- Then, also, the verbal invitation alone, often leaves the guest in doubt: "Did Mrs. Dash say dinner at half past seven or eight?" We take a chance that it was for eight and arrive half an hour late; or, "Was it the seventh or ninth that Mrs. Dash asked us for dinner?" We go on the seventh and embarrassment ensues. We appear in our dinner dress, and find Mrs. Dash wholly unprepared to receive us. Therefore, the necessity of the "reminder." If the dinner is a formal affair, though the invitation has been given verbally, the word "reminder" is added in the upper left-hand corner to the regular engraved or written in- vitation. If it is an informal affair, a social note is sent as: My dear Mrs. Blank, This is to remind you that I am looking for- ward to having you and Mr. Blank dine with us on Tuesday, May the sixth, at eight o'clock. I am so glad you will be able to come. Yours very sincerely, Mary B. Dash. [ 64 ] THE INVITATION The "reminder" is sent as a "follow-up" in any kind of an invitation. If, for any reason, it becomes necessary for a Canceling hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, etc., she invitation must send out a letter to each guest either by messenger or special delivery, when she does not wish to use the telephone. This must be done as soon as possible. If the invitation was formal, the cancellation should be also; if in- formal, a short note must be written. Owing to a sudden death (or illness) Formal in the family Mr. and Mrs. Blank Dash will be unable to entertain their friends at dinner on Tuesday, March the seventeenth My dear Mrs. Blank, Owing to the sudden illness (or death) of Mr. Informal Dash's mother, I regret that we must recall the invitations for the dinner we had planned for Tuesday, March the seventeenth. Yours sincerely, Mary B. Dash. Upon receipt of either of the above notes, those invited should call and inquire, in case of illness, after the health of Mr. Dash's mother or, in case of death, pay a visit of condolence. [ 65 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Breaking If, on the other hand, the invited guest is Engage- unable to attend a function he or she has ac- fns cepted previously, a note must be sent at once by messenger or special delivery, or by telegram, if a telephone is not handy, explaining the reason for having to break the engagement. The note would run: My dear Mrs. Dash, An unforeseen and most unwelcome circum- stance prevents us from dining with you on Friday, November the sixteenth. Mr. Blank has been called to Connecticut on an important business matter which will detain him several days. I intend going also as the matter is of importance to me as well. We are most distressed to have to notify you at the last moment, but I know you will un- derstand and appreciate the situation. In sincere disappointment, I remain, Yours very sincerely, Mary B. Blank. My dear Mrs. Dash, A great affliction has just come to us in the sudden death of my brother. I must therefore write to tell you that we shall be unable to have dinner with you on Wednesday, October the twentieth, as we had anticipated. [ 66 ] THE INVITATION Trusting that writing at this late hour will not put you to too much inconvenience, I am, Yours very sincerely, Helen T. Grew. Very often the closest friend of the bride- Invitation elect plans a "linen shower" for her. The (? letter is always written informally. My dear Miss Doe, I am planning to give a "linen shower" for Jane Blank on Thursday, the sixth, at four o'clock. Will you not come and bring a linen gift with you? If you can manage to be here by half past three it will give us time to arrange all the presents before Jane comes, as she is not to know anything about it. Hoping to see you on Thursday, I remain, Cordially yours, Emily S. Dawson. My dear Miss Dawson, Indeed, you can count on me for Thursday, Acceptance the sixth. I will be at your home at half past three, promptly, with my little remembrance. With best wishes, I am, Sincerely yours, Florence Doe. My dear Miss Dawson, As I expect to be out of town on Thursday Regret next, I regret I shall be unable to be with you [ 67 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER on that day. I will, however, send my gift for Jane to your home by half past three. With kind and cordial good wishes, I am, Very sincerely yours, Dorothy Tree. CHILDREN'S PARTIES Invitation A very charming card may be had, with a small illustration above or in the corner. It reads, "Won't you come to my party?" or words to that effect. The card is folded and upon the other side is a detachable answer- blank for the reply. All that is very simple for the one giving the party, provided she find such a card, but where this boon is not within reach, there must be the written note. So the mother or guar- dian writes to the parent or guardian of the child invited somewhat in this strain: My dear Mrs. Blank, We are planning to give a little party for Edward on Friday, the seventeenth, and he is particularly anxious to have Ethel come. I do hope it can be arranged, for he would be so disappointed not to have her among his little guests. If the nurse will bring her at half past two, she will be in ample time. [ 68 ] THE INVITATION Trusting to have the pleasure of seeing your little girl here, I am, with kind regards, Sincerely yours, Mary B. Black. My dear Mrs. Black, It is most kind of you to ask Ethel to Acceptance Edward's party on Friday, the seventeenth, and I am very glad to be able to accept for her. She is looking forward with much eagerness to the event, and will be at your home at half past two o'clock. With kind wishes, I am, Cordially yours, Margaret Blank. My dear Mrs. Blank, As Ethel is just recovering from a heavy Regret cold, the doctor fears that it would be impru- dent to take her out just at present. I am so very sorry on the poor child's ac- count to have to decline your kind invitation for Edward's party on the seventeenth. Thanking you for your kindness in asking her, believe me, Cordially yours, Margaret Blank. INVITATION TO STRANGERS If we wish to bring a friend whom we think the hostess would enjoy having, it is permis- [ 69 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER sible to write and ask this privilege only when a dance or at home is held. My dear Mrs. Doe, Request Would it be presuming too greatly to ask if I might bring my friend Mr. Alfred Soley of Ontario with me on Tuesday evening, March the fourth? He is a charming fellow whom I feel sure you will find most congenial. If you are unable to grant me this request, please tell me frankly and I will understand. At any event, hoping to see you on the fourth, I am, Yours sincerely, Harold V. Brooks. My dear Mr. Brooks, Acceptance I shall be very glad to welcome your friend, Mr. Soley, among my guests on the fourth. My acquaintance with the few Canadians I have been fortunate to meet assures me already that I shall find him as charming as you say. With kind greetings, I am, Sincerely yours, Margaret V. Doe. Regret My dear Mr. Brooks, It would give me great pleasure to include your friend among my guests on the fourth, but, unfortunately, my place is so small that I fear we shall be somewhat crowded as it is. I hope at some other time I may have the [ 70 ] THE INVITATION opportunity of meeting Mr. Soley and trust you will forgive, and understand, my seeming inhospitality. With kind regards, I am, Yours sincerely, Margaret V. Doe. B CHAPTER III THE LETTER OF THANKS ROADLY speaking, there are three dis- tinct kinds of duty letters: the letter of thanks, the letter of congratulation and the letter of condolence. Like the small boy who puts off the most difficult task until the last, the letter of condolence, requiring more thought, has been placed at the end. The letter of thanks should never be delayed, but sent as soon as possible after the gift or favor, etc., has been received. Excuses are but thin butter with which to cover our neglect. The "Looking a gift horse in the mouth" is poor Cheerful S p O rt; once we descend to counting his teeth we lose the jpy and spontaneity that should send us rushing for our pens and cause the ink to flow rapidly in our expressions of pleasure at the receipt of the gift. It is the spirit that counts every time. Of Bride There is the letter of thanks that the bride for Wedding mus t send as soon as she can after the receipt ^ of a gift. It must be written by her, no matter [ 72 ] LETTER OF THANKS how rushed she may be, for the effect of receiv- ing a note of thanks from anyone other than the recipient of the gift is not only unpardon- able, except in case of illness, but shuts the door of gratitude with a bang in the face of the giver. A good and true maxim to bear in mind is that if we really want to do a thing, we can always find the time. In a case where the wedding is hurried, through change of plans, or where gifts come at the eleventh hour, the bride is excused from answering until after her honeymoon. In any event she must acknowledge the gift both for herself and for her husband, or husband-elect. My dear Mrs. Dash, It was most kind and thoughtful of you and Mr. Dash to send us that lovely vase. Both Acknowl- Mr. Doe and I are more than delighted to have edgment it. He wishes to join me in thanking you for your kind thought of us. Hoping to see you at our wedding, I am, Yours very cordially, Mary H. Graves. My dear Miss Dash, The oyster forks are beautiful and just ex- actly what we wanted. It was very kind of you [ 73 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER to remember us so charmingly. John joins me in thanks and deep appreciation for your gift. With cordial good wishes, I remain, Always sincerely yours, Mary H. Graves. My dear Mrs. Roe, The cake basket has just arrived, and I feel that I must sit right down and tell you how lovely it is and how delighted we are to re- ceive it. Mr. Doe joins me in warmest thanks and appreciation of your kindness to us. Hoping to see you very soon after our return to town, I am, Most sincerely yours, Mary H. Graves. Dear Mabel, Your lovely gift awaited us upon our return to town yesterday. The sofa cushion is a dream of beauty and helps greatly to adorn our little home. I know that I shall have hard work keeping John from making it his special possession. Thank you so much, dear, for giving us such a lovely and useful gift. John joins with me in deep appreciation of your thoughtfulness, and hopes to see you in our little home in the very near future. Yours affectionately, Mary Graves Doe. Dear Mrs. James, Upon our return to town on Friday AVC found your beautiful flower dish awaiting us. It was [ 74 1 LETTER OF THANKS so kind of you to send it, and both my husband and I deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness. You must surely come soon and see for your- self how lovely it looks on our dining-room table. With many thanks, I remain, Very sincerely yours, Mary G. Doe. My dear Mrs. Trevor, Please forgive my seeming neglect in not acknowledging your lovely electrolier before, but our plans were changed, as you know, at the last moment, and we were unable even to open any of our wedding gifts before leaving town. We returned last Friday, and I am taking the very first opportunity to write and tell you how greatly we appreciate your gift and thank you for your kind thought of us. Hoping you will understand the reason for the delay, I remain, Most sincerely yours, Mary G. Doe. My dear Mrs. Rogers, You and Mr. Rogers are more than kind to send us such a beautiful clock, and Mr. Doe and I wish to thank you ever so much for your thought of us. Every time the little clock chimes the passing of another happy hour in our new nest, we think of you. I do hope that when you find yourself in [ 75 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER this neighborhood you will drop in and see for yourself how fine our new possession looks. With warm thanks from us both, believe me, Always cordially yours, Mary G. Doe. To facilitate acknowledging gifts, it is a good plan for the bride to have a book or list with gifts noted and donor named, and as each present is acknowledged, it may be checked off. This will prevent any error either in forgetting to write or misnaming the gift received. CHRISTMAS GIFTS My dear Mr. Blank, Letter from It was more than kind of you to remember Employee me so handsomely with the check that awaited to Employer me t hi s morning. Please accept my thanks and know how much I appreciate your kind thought of me. With all good wishes for the coming year to you and yours, I am, Gratefully yours, John W. Doe. My dear Mr. Blank, Your kind gift reached me with my other Christmas presents this morning. It makes me truly grateful for your remembrance of me with your generous check. Please accept my thanks and appreciation [ 76 ] LETTER OF THANKS of your kindness, and believe me, with all the Season's good wishes, Yours respectfully, John W. Doe. My dear Mrs. Dash, Christmas was doubly a day of rejoicing To Ac- with all the beautiful gifts that came to me; quaintance not the least lovely of which was your beauti- ful work bag. Thank you so much for your great kindness in thinking of me. With every good wish for the coming year, I remain, Most cordially yours, Mary G. Doe. Dear Mrs. Blank, Your lovely painting stands in all its beauty among my Christmas gifts, and will adorn my wall upon the very first opportunity I can find. How very thoughtful and kind of you to re- member my preference, in your selection. With many thanks and cordial good wishes for the season, believe me, Yours most cordially, Mary G. Doe. My dear Mr. Rowe, Many, many thanks for your kind remem- brance which arrived Christmas morning. Your lovely book will make a valuable addi- tion to my small but growing library, besides [ 77 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER affording me some happy hours in the reading of it. With heartiest good wishes for a Happy New Year, I am, Cordially yours, Janet H. Blank. Dear Mabel, Expected gifts are a great joy, but unexpected remembrances prove a greater pleasure, as they bring the unlooked-for thought with them. Thank you so much for the calendar. I display it with great pride as being both lovely and unique. With best wishes to all at home for the com- ing year, I am, Affectionately yours, Janet H. Blank. My dear Mrs. Blank, To It is with the deepest gratitude that I write Benefactor to thank you for your lovely gift. The arm- chair is not only useful and an adornment to my little room, but will stand as a further sign of your many great kindnesses to me and mine. With every good wish to you and Mr. Blank for a joyous and prosperous New Year, I am, Yours ever gratefully, Mary R. Rowe. My dear Mr. Blank, Again an evidence of your great kindness has come to me with the check which I received on Christmas day. [ 78 ] LETTER OF THANKS The words to express my thanks as I would, are so inadequate that I feel wordless when I would write you to the fullest, of my gratitude. Please know that these few words of thanks have behind them the deepest appreciation a man can feel for your many kindnesses both now and in the past. I sincerely hope that the rich promises for the New Year will be fulfilled to the uttermost for you and yours, Gratefully and respectfully yours, Harold B. Rowe. Dear Mabel, How cruel of you to remember the passing 77^ time so accurately, but how kind to do it in Birthday such a charming way. I feel the edge is quite Letter taken off by your birthday gift. The beauti- ful buckle is a "joy forever." Thank you, dear, so very much. Affectionately yours, Mary G. Doe. My dear Helen, I thought I had kept the fact that I was having a birthday a* profound secret, but your lovely book showed me that the "cat was out of the bag." It was most kind of you to re- member me, and I anticipate many delightful hours reading it. Thank you so much, Affectionately yours, Mary G. Doe. [ 79 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Dear Margaret, I thought I had announced publicly that I was having no more birthdays, yet lo and behold, your gift arrived early to remind me that I may not dodge the fact. The bar pin is far too lovely to have me scold you as I should, so, instead, I'll tell you how delighted I am with it, and thank you very much. Let me see you soon. With fond love, I am, Always affectionately yours, Mary G. Doe. My dear Mrs. Rowe, Thank you so much for your lovely birth- day gift. How good of you to remember me so charmingly. I shall put the pretty hand- kerchiefs into immediate use, and be the envy of all around me. With every cordial wish, I am, Yours most sincerely, Mary G. Doe. WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES i year. . 5 years 10 "... 12 "... 15 "... 20 "... . .Paper wedding . .Wooden wedding . . Tin wedding . . Leather wedding . . Crystal wedding . .China wedding 25 years . 30 40 " . . 45 " 50 60-75".. . Silver wedding . Ivory wedding . Woolen wedding . Silk wedding . Golden wedding .Diamond wedding [ 80] LETTER OF THANKS My dear Mrs. Dash, We were quite taken by surprise by your lovely On Fifth gift on the occasion of our fifth anniversary, and Year An- were deeply touched by your kind thought of us. niversary Life has been so generous that we have both Gift said it seems but yesterday that we were ac- knowledging our wedding gifts. I can ask for nothing better for our friends than that they may have the same happy ex- perience that has been John's and mine. Thank you so much, dear Mrs. Dash, for the charming book-rack. When you come" to see us, which I hope will be soon, you will see that I have put it into immediate use. John joins me in very kindest regards and appreciation of your kindness. Yours always cordially, Helen V. Rowe. Dear Mrs. Blank, With all your many interests, how good of On you to remember us on our silver anniversary, acknowledg- Now that it is past we begin to feel that we are ^ n S Gift for a very old couple indeed. ifST 1 / Thank you, my dear, for your sweet gift and vf r ^ the kind thought that accompanied it. The * silver paper-knife is exquisite. My best wish for you is that you also will attain a silver anniversary under auspices as kindly and beautiful as ours has been. It is a wonderful feeling to know that we have both weathered some of life's storms and put our ship into port safe and sound each time. [ 81 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Mr. Rowe joins me in expressing his deep appreciation of your kindness. With all good wishes, believe me, Always yours sincerely, Helen V. Rowe. My dear Mr. Roberts, For Favor It was characteristic of you to go to all that Received trouble of talking personally to Mr. Doe on my behalf. A few words from you will have more weight in furthering my cause than endless communications from others. I had no idea I was to be so fortunate. Believe me, I am most grateful for all your kindness to me in this matter. In deep appreciation, I remain, Sincerely yours, Harold F. Weekes. My dear Mrs. Smith, Your letter enclosing the list of names of the pew-holders of St. Francis' Church came to me yesterday. I realize by its length the amount of work I caused you. Believe me, I am truly grateful and know that your interest in this matter will aid me materially in my work. Thank you so very much. With kindest regards, I am, Yours gratefully, Mary Blank Rowe. My dear Mr. Howe, Through your great kindness I was able to secure the position as secretary to the comp- [ 82 ] LETTER OF THANKS troller. I know you must realize, more than these words can convey, how much this means to me, and how very grateful I am to you for speaking to Mr. Street in my behalf. My thanks will lie, not only in words, but in the effort I shall make to prove worthy of your faith in my ability. With sincere good wishes and deep appre- ciation, I am, Gratefully yours, George F. Small. Dear Mrs. White, How good of you to have made the lovely For Gift coverlid for my baby. Knowing how ex- to Baby tremely busy you always are, I appreciate it so much more, and am very grateful to you for sending it. Won't you run in some time soon and see how sweet your handiwork looks tucked around my little one? With many thanks, I am, Cordially yours, Martha Todd Rowe. Dear Mrs. Dash, The little bib-holder is just lovely and so very useful. Even at this early stage I see where it will be put into constant and effective use. I want you so much to come and see us. If I am a bit proud of my little one, I believe that [ 83 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER this is a privilege granted to all new mothers, and so may be forgiven. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. Yours cordially, Janet Grant Howe. My dear Mrs. Harland, Acknowl- How good of you to remember Robert's edging Gift birthday. The pitcher and bowl are the de- to Child iig nt O f hi s iif e> i k now that now his cereal will taste so much better than before. Thank you so much for your sweet thought of my little boy. With ever cordial regard, I am, Always sincerely yours, Janet G. Howe. Dear Mrs. Austin, Mary is in the seventh Heaven of joy as, thanks to your great kindness, she at last owns a doll that talks. She says that she feels now that she has a real baby, and truly makes a sweet little mother. Only for the fact that I am so grateful to you for giving my little girl so much happiness, I should want very much to scold you for your extravagance in choosing her gift. Mary's thanks are as heartfelt as are mine. With kindest regards, I remain, Very sincerely yours, Helen M. Wood. CHAPTER IV THE LETTER OF CONGRATULATION THE frame of mind is a tremendous factor in all our activities. The actor on the stage, if he be a true artist, lives his part, whether joyous or tragic. Looking at it fairly it is not deceit that he is practicing, he is merely fitting his personality to the emotional environment in which he finds himself at that particular time. The part calls for tears he sheds them. Are we not all actors in this life's drama? Shakespeare has said it. Therefore, let us get into our part. If duty calls for expressions of joy, let us "think" joy, and so give twofold. We, ourselves, get more out of it in the long run on its inevitable rebound. This does not mean going through a stereotyped set of phrases laid out for a specific occasion. Why make our duty letters obligatory burdens? So the note of congratulation must contain a genuine tone of gladness; it must ring true, [ 85 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER otherwise it were better not to write at all. In many cases where the person to be con- gratulated is but a recent acquaintance, the visiting card with "heartiest congratulations" is sufficient. In other instances, as for the young mother, the recovery from an illness, or a wedding anniversary, the card is often accompanied with flowers or book, etc. To the bride one sends "the best of good wishes," never congratulations; these are re- served for the groom when writing. Congratulatory telegrams are addressed to the newly wedded pair, and should be sent on the day of the wedding, to reach them as soon after the ceremony as possible. My dear Florence, Letter to A little bird has just told me a wonderful bit Engaged of news which has made me very happy for Girl you. I have not had the pleasure of Mr. Roberts' acquaintance, but know that if he is your choice he must indeed be all that is good and charming. Incidently, I think him a mighty lucky fellow, and am only waiting the time when I can tell him so in person. All the happiness you so richly deserve and have helped others to attain, I wish you most heartily. [ 86 ] LETTER OF CONGRATULATION Hoping very soon to hear the good news from your own lips, I am, with fond love, Affectionately yours, Janet V. Rowe. Dear Florence, The most joyful news that I have heard for a long time was the announcement of your en- gagement to George Roberts. Knowing him as well as I do, I can't quite decide which of you is the luckier. I simply know that each is to be congratulated. Dear girl, I am so very glad for you, as I realize how happy you must be; knowing you are so, makes me rejoice in your happiness. With every good wish to you both, believe me, Fondly yours, Emily. My dear Travers, So you've "gone and done it." I have always Man to claimed that there is no such creature as a his "confirmed bachelor," and you have proved it. Engaged I have not had the pleasure of meeting Miss Baker, but knowing your fastidious taste and discrimination in the fair sex, I am reassured on that score. Some day I hope to meet the lady of your choice, for I know that I shall find her all that is charming. [ 87 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER My heartiest congratulations are yours, my dear fellow, on your good fortune. Wishing you every kind of good luck, I am, Sincerely yours, James F. Brent. My dear Saunders, For The news of your election as president of our Honorary borough is indeed inspiring, and I am doubly Distinction glad, first, in the knowledge that we have a man at the head in whom all can trust, and we know that he will fulfill his mission with in- tegrity, and secondly, because he is my friend. May your administration be one of success to you in every way. I know you have the hearty cooperation of many loyal followers. With sincere congratulations, I am, Yours cordially, Horace Radclif Cole. My dear Mr. Dash, Upon my return to town I was informed of the great honor that has been conferred upon you in the offer of the presidency of this Ameri- can Steel Car Corporation. There is no man I know whom I would rather see in this posi- tion, because you have earned it so squarely. Such material acknowledgment of your best efforts gives you renewed energy and courage. My best wishes are yours for continued success. Yours sincerely, John F. McLane. [ 88 ] LETTER OF CONGRATULATION My dear Miss Blank, I was more than glad to hear the splendid news of your good fortune, and I only hope that it is but a forerunner of greater things. As a matter of fact, I was not surprised to learn that you had been made head super- visor, for I knew that with your ability, tact and perseverance, you would eventually attain your goal. No one is more deserving of the promotion than you, and I congratulate you most heartily. Yours very sincerely, Thomas Gaunt. The birthday letter should carry with it a Birthday certain amount of tact, especially when written Letter to one who has many years to her count, and would rather not count them! So let us try to make the occasion one of true rejoicing. Dear Janet, To-morrow will be your birthday and a red- letter day in your calendar. I am only sorry that so many miles separate us, and that these few ink scratches must be my messenger in wishing you very many happy other birthdays to come. As the Orientals have it, "May you live a thousand years." I am sending you a little gift by this post, and hope that it will reach you in time for the celebration. [ 89 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER With kind regards to all at home and much love to you, I am, Affectionately yours, Caroline Judson. Dear Helen, Another little dot will be added to your small score of years by the time this reaches you. My heartiest wishes are for other and many "dots" to come, under just such happy aus- pices as this one must be for you. The little gift I am sending by this mail, will, I hope, be of service as well as a token of my best wishes. With deep affection, I am, Ever warmly yours, Cecile Goodson. My dear Miss Janet, From Man I am sending my few words of congratula- te Girl on tion with this little token to add to the number ,% er f happy reminders of your birthday. Birthday Please accept my heartiest greeting. Yours sincerely, Charles H. de Witt. My dear Mrs. Howe, On I want you to know that I am thinking of Wedding you, and that my heartiest good wishes go to Anniver- you and Mr. Howe on this, the tenth anni- sary versary of your marriage. Yours very sincerely, Janet F. Wilsoa E 90 ] LETTER OF CONGRATULATION My dear Edith and James, My heartiest congratulations on the advent of the twentieth anniversary of your marriage. You are certainly a shining example of what a model couple should be! With every good wish for the coming years, that they may continue to bring the joy and blessings you both so richly deserve, I remain, Yours warmly, Edith Wayne Dobbs. These little notes are sent by hand with a gift Upon of flowers, fruit, book or a small token. ^om'a Much tact is needed in the writing of such a m ness note, for one must bear in mind that the con- valescent is still weak and perhaps sensitive about mentioning his illness. The few words must, therefore, be tactful, in order to convey strength and courage. Dear Mrs. Williams, Please accept these few roses as a small token to express my joy at your recovery from a long and tedious illness. It is indeed a glad bit of news to hear how rapidly you are convalescing. When you are somewhat stronger, I do hope you will let me come to see you, if only for a few moments. With every good wish for renewed health, I am, most cordially yours, Edith Frayme Mott. [ 9i 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER My dear Miss Browne, Here is a little book with which to while away some of the hours of your convalescence. I found so much pleasure in reading it that I am giving it to you, that you may also enjoy it. I trust that very soon you will be well enough to be about as usual, and that you will be able to look back upon the dark days just passed as necessary evils to promote lasting good. With every good wish for a continued gain in strength, I am, Yours very sincerely, Charles Edward Howe. CHAPTER V THE LETTER OF CONDOLENCE ONE of the most difficult forms of written etiquette is the letter of condolence. It is not so much what to say to the bereaved, but what not to say that is our stumbling block. Sympathy tends to render some of us at a loss for words for the right words. Many of us feel the necessity of writing at length to express our sorrow; we desire to convey a warmth of feeling, to give the handclasp of encouragement and sympathy. At such a time platitudes irritate, for they do not touch the heart. A bit of homely philosophy, if you will, but not in the nature of preaching. The purpose of writing is to try to help the bereaved brave over a soul-rending period; a time when the need of true friends and their service of love are most required. Of course, this has to do with those whom we know intimately; where the person is only an acquaintance, letters of condolence may seem [ 93 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER intrusive, so a visiting card with "sincere sympathy" or "heartfelt sympathy" is all that is necessary. Perhaps a few flowers sent with the card would be greatly appre- ciated. But it were wise to face the fact that the letter of condolence is a difficult bit of writing at best. Filling our pages with empty senti- ments, flowery quotations reserved for such sad occasions, leave the recipient unmoved. Even with our closest friends, we should shrink from touching on the other's grief. Above all, let us not dilate upon the manner in which the de- ceased died. Our letter must contain words of courage that will soothe, not wound. Neither let us delude ourselves by thinking that the bereaved is too grieved to notice the letter, so long as we have written; this is not so, for in many cases one's state of mind is made supersensitive. We should respect the feelings of the person to whom, we write, especially at such a time. Do not be hypocrites; if the loss happens to be "for the best" in every sense, do not write reams about "the great sorrow that is yours." If the loss is truly great, let us realize and ex- press our sympathy accordingly. All letters should be sent immediately upon [ 94 ] THE LETTER OF CONDOLENCE receiving intimation of a death. Where cards are sent the bereaved family return an engraved acknowledgment on a black-bordered card, a few weeks after. Mourning stationery is most heavily bordered Stationery for a widow or a widower, and is used as long as he or she is in deep mourning. This is de- creased with the change of mourning, and all stamping should be done in black, as a rule, only upon the death of the immediate family, including grandparents. As the letter of condolence is always fol- lowed by a call, these letters are generally ac- knowledged verbally by the family at that time. But in cases where, for instance, the writer lives away from town, the note is gen- erally answered by a few words from one of the members of the family. MRS. JAMES BRENTWORTH AND FAMILY GBATKFUTX.T ACKNOWLK1>GK YOUR KIND EXPHKSSIOX OF SYMPATHY Acknowl- edgment Formal Card Engraved Or cards may be bought already engraved with the names to be filled in, as: [ 95 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER GRATEFULLY ACKNOWLEDGE (NAME TO BK FH.LJ.D IN) KIND EXPBESSIOX OF SYMPATHY Dear Mrs. Blank, Informal I deeply appreciate your note, and want to Acknowl- thank you for your kind sympathy. I do not edgment know any friendship I value more than John's and yours, and the letters you both have writ- ten fill my heart with gratitude. We are always helped in time of sorrow by words of comfort and consolation, and I am sure you understand how much yours mean to me at this time. Thank you many, many times, and let me assure you that your kindness will not be for- gotten. Yours most sincerely, James B. Conrad. My dear Mrs. Dash, Your letter with its kind expressions of sympathy was gratefully received. It is no small measure of comfort to know how greatly my dear husband was beloved and respected by all, as shown by the many letters, including yours, which I have received. [ 96 ] THE LETTER OF CONDOLENCE With many thanks for your kindness, I re- main, Sincerely yours, Mathilde Gotham Wentworth. My dear Mrs. Parsons, I have put off acknowledging your kind letter of sympathy until I regained a little strength after my long trial. I want to tell you how deeply I appreciate your thought of me, and how much courage you instilled into my dis- traught mind at a time when I needed it most. Believe me, I am truly grateful. I expect to return to town on the fifth of next month and hope you will come and see me some afternoon shortly thereafter. Yours sincerely, Mathilde G. Wentworth. My dear Mr. Johnson, Thank you so much for your kind expressions of sympathy. I deeply appreciate your offer to be of service to me at this time, and, although I need not trouble you, it is a great source of comfort to know that I may call upon you should I have to do so. With gratitude for all your many kindnesses, I am, Yours very sincerely, Mathilde G. Wentworth. [ 97 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER My dear Mrs. Dash, Letter of It is with the deepest regret that I hear of Condolence your sorrow. I realize, as only one who has upon gone through the same sad experience can, just Death of w hat it means to you. Close There must be great solace in the knowledge j t were w j se to be cautious in the wording of this letter, for, in writing too plainly derogatory statements as to the nature of the employee, a suit can be brought for defamation of character. A good point to bear in mind is, [ 118 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS if we are unable to say anything good, say nothing. We must try not to let our personal feelings blind us to other qualities that might offset the poor ones referred to, and thus prevent an honest worker from obtaining employment. This is to certify that Mary Parsons has been For in my employ as chambermaid and waitress Excellent eighteen months. During that time I found Recom- her most willing, honest and trustworthy. I mendation am very glad to recommend her highly. E. C. Castaigne. (Mrs. Geraud F. Castaigne.) This is to certify that John Crumpet has been employed by me as chauffeur for the past two years. I have found him a careful driver, expert mechanician, honest and sober. J. B. Marding. If, on the other hand, the servant or employee has been unsatisfactory, it would be footless to give him or her a letter, since, if his short- comings were stated, he would not be apt to use it. Nor should we perjure ourselves, and thus throw an unprincipled person upon an unsuspecting employer. Faint praise is less than no praise. If the servant has some fair quality, mention it in the letter of recommenda- tion; if he has not even that, it would be better THE SOCIAL LETTER to refuse to write at all. If further recom- mendation is asked by the employer-elect, it is then time enough to tell facts, but we must be sure they are facts and not surmises, in all fair- ness. If the servant has been anything but trustworthy, it would be better to state this, when asked, at the same time remembering always to be careful that what we say is ab- solutely true. If the written recommendation which the servant or employee takes with him in seeking another position is followed up, the prospective employer telephones or writes for further in- formation or confirmation to the ex-employer somewhat in this fashion: Mrs. J. B. Dash, 3067 Grand Avenue, Memphis, Tenn. Dear Madam: Letter Kindly forgive my intrusion, but I am about for In- to engage as second man, James Monohan, formation lately in your employ. I should be very grate- ful if you would let me have any informa- tion you can regarding his character and ability, and be assured that I shall treat the matter confidentially. Yours very truly, M. T. Mayne. (Mrs. Henry H. Mayne.) [ 120 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS Mrs. Henry H. Mayne, 60 Trevort Street, Utica, N. Y. Dear Madam: In reply to your communication of the 6th Answer inst., with regard to James Monohan, I beg to say, that while I found him honest and clean, I am sorry to report that he was not always sober, and therefore not very trustworthy at those times. He has promised to stop drinking, and if he does, I feel sure that he will make a very good servant. Yours truly, E. H. Dash. Mrs. Henry H. Mayne, 60 Trevort Street, Utica, N. Y. Dear Madam : In reply to yours of the 6th inst., I beg to say that I found James Monohan to be a most trustworthy man. He is a little slow and hard of hearing, but, I am sure, you will find him satisfactory in every other respect, as second man. Trusting that this information is satisfac- tory, I remain, Yours truly, E. H. Dash. THE SOCIAL LETTER Mr. H. K. Rowe, 608 Rod ay Place, Cleveland, Ohio. Dear Sir: Asking May I beg a moment of your time to tell me for In- candidly all you know about Mr. Howard Post. formation I am about to engage him as clerk and would be 0$ ce very grateful for any information regarding his Work character and ability. The position is a responsible one, and, there- fore, I am desirous of having a man in whom I can place confidence. Regretting to have to trouble you, I am, Yours very truly, H. E. House. Mr. H. E. House, Crayville Building Co., Seattle, Wash. Dear Sir: Recom- In reply to your note of inquiry dated August mendation II, it gives me great pleasure to say, re- garding Mr. Howard Post, that, during the past six years in which he was employed by us, we found him to be in every respect worthy of our fullest confidence, and feel sure you need have no hesitancy in engaging him. Were it not for reorganization in our office, we would have been glad to retain him. Yours truly, H. K. Rowe, President. [ 122 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS Mr. H. E. House, Crayville Building Co., Seattle, Wash. Dear Sir: I have your letter of August n. Unfor- Derogatory tunately, I am unable to say very much regard- ing Mr. Howard Post. While in our employ his unpunctuality and almost habitual inertia made him very undesirable as clerk. Yours truly, H. K. Rowe, President. Mr. H. E. House, Crayville Building Co., Seattle, Wash. Dear Sir: I would prefer to say but little regarding Howard Post. It is true that he was employed by us for over a year as clerk. He has many good qualities, but few that I found compatible with good clerkship. Regretting I am unable to furnish you with a better report, I remain, Yours truly, H. K. Rowe, President. It is decidedly not "good form" to ask for a The Letter letter of introduction; this should come un- of Intro- solicited through a kind friend who knows UCH [ 123 1 THE SOCIAL LETTER your need. This note should be written in social form, enclosed in an envelope addressed to person to whom the introduction is made, not to the one introduced, and left unsealed. It should be cordial in tone. My dear Mrs. Dash, This will introduce to you Miss Mabel Coventer of Trenton, New Jersey, who intends staying in your delightful city during the winter months. I would be so appreciative of any attention you would kindly show her. I am sure you will find her charming. With warmest regards to you all, I remain, Most sincerely yours, Janet F. Rowe. My dear Travers, I wish to introduce the bearer of this note, Mr. James Duncan, who intends stopping in your city for some months. He is the man- ager of the Western Celluloid Company of Los Angeles. Knowing your interest in the firm, I feel that you should become acquainted. Appreciating any favor you will be able to show Mr. Duncan, I remain, with kind re- gards, Sincerely yours, Joseph Cathaway. [ 124 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS My dear Commissioner Walton, This note will introduce to you one of our ablest and most respected citizens, Mr. Thomas Eagers. Mr. Eagers has for a long time been greatly interested in shipping problems, both in this country and abroad, and has made a wide study of conditions. He has much informa- tion of value, culled from his long sojourn in the Orient, as representative for the Ohio and Western Transportation and Import Com- pany. I am sure you will be interested in each other, and am glad to be the means of thus bringing you together. The trout are plentiful in our streams and I shall be glad to get word that you will come out again to us and have a try at them. With cordial greetings to Mrs. Walton, I am, Yours sincerely, Ebner Harrison. The letter of introduction may be delivered personally, or mailed enclosed in another en- velope, with card inside. Then the recipient will, or should, call at the earliest opportunity or acknowledge the letter. If he is a member of some club, he might put you up there, besides showing other courtesies. [ 125 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Visiting- Often the visiting card with "Introducing card for Miss Blank" written at the top, is quite cor- ntr tion rect * or a P erson wit h whom we are but slightly acquainted. This is more usual in business than in social roles. The introduc- tory card is presented in person. Begging The begging letter for charity, in order to be Letter for effective, must make its appeal strong. In ' almost all big organizations for charitable pur- poses, the letters are typed or multigraphed on official letter-head paper. We are not con- cerned with such here. What we are interested to know is how to write a personal letter in such a cause. It is written like other social notes, by hand on social paper, somewhat in the following manner: My dear Mrs. Grey, Knowing how very much interested you are in many worthy charities, I am writing this little appeal as a further call upon your bounty. We are endeavoring to raise fifty thousand dollars toward a summer home for small wage earners where, for three or four dollars a week, they may have nourishing food, good air and proper attention during their meagre vacation, thus helping build 'them up through the months to come. [ 126 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS We have been promised ten thousand dollars, if we are able to raise the other forty thousand within three months, and you can see how anxious we are to fulfil the terms of this gener- ous offer. Will you not help us by contributing, no matter how small the sum, toward our work? Hoping to hear from you favorably, I am, Yours very sincerely, Amelia G. Bounde. In sending letters like the above, it is far better to have some printed pamphlets telling in detail the nature and outline of the work, together (and this is very important) with a list of names of the committee or those in- terested. Names have much weight in such matters. My dear Mrs. Dash, We are asking our friends to help us raise fifty thousand dollars toward a summer home for small wage earners, and I have put your name at the head of my list, knowing your great interest in the working class. I do so hope that we may count on having a contribu- tion from you, no matter how small, to help us carry on this so much needed home to a happy completion. With kindest regards, I am, Cordially yours, Cecile F. Trevort. [ 127 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER My dear Mrs. Trevort, Affirmative I am enclosing herewith my check for fifty Reply dollars as my contribution toward your worthy work in raising funds for a summer home for small wage earners, and trust that you will meet with every success in getting the amount necessary. With all good wishes, I am, Cordially yours, Mary F. Dash. My dear Mrs. Trevort, You may put me down for two hundred and fifty dollars as my contribution toward your home for small wage earners. This sum I agree to pay by the first week in January of the coming year. . Wishing you all success, I am, Yours very sincerely, Ethel V. Dowd. My dear Mrs. Trevort, Refusal I regret exceedingly that I am unable to help you in raising the sum necessary for the home for small wage earners. Unfortunately, there have been so many demands upon my purse at this time, that I feel I must confine all my efforts to the charities in which I have a per- sonal interest. Regretting my inability to help, I remain, Yours sincerely, Katherine Sweete. [ 128 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS My dear Mrs. Trevort, I am so sorry, but heavy demands upon my purse preclude my adding any further charity to my already long list. Wishing you all success in your work, be- lieve me, Sincerely yours, Martha B. Greene. At a public function or charity, a list of pa- To Act as trons or patronesses is a very necessary factor Patron or toward making it a success. The patroness is generally chosen, first, for the weight and importance her name lends, and secondly, because he or she is expected, by accepting to act in this capacity, to subscribe largely, in any event, taking not less than ten dollars' worth of tickets for the performance. The committee on entertainment, or chair- man, sends an engraved invitation or personal letter asking for this privilege. The note would read somewhat as follows : Mrs. Dudley Stagg, Mt. Kisco, New York. My dear Mrs. Stagg, We are giving a concert for the benefit of the Blind Babies'. Association which will be held on Tuesday evening, March the sixth, at the Imperial, and would very greatly appre- [ 129 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER ciate being allowed to use your name as patroness. I am enclosing five tickets which I hope you will be able to use. Trusting to hear from you favorably, I am, Sincerely yours, Edith G. Traut, Chairman. Kindly send check to Mrs. G. Daigne, 652 West 76th Street, and make it payable to her order. Frank R. Gregory, Esq., 1 20 Broadway, New York. My dear Mr. Gregory, We are giving a special performance of "The Gods Provide" for the benefit of the widows and children of miners, to be held at the Criterion on Tuesday afternoon, May the fourth, at three o'clock. Will you kindly allow us to use your name as patron on this occasion? I am enclosing six tickets which I hope you will be able to use. All checks are to be made to the order of Graham F. Lightfoote, Treasurer, and sent to me. Trusting you will grant us the privilege of having you on our list, I am, Sincerely yours, Marion B. Cross. (Mrs. Francis R. Cross.) [ 130 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS Mrs. C. V. Traut, 50 Midvale Terrace, Mt. Kisco, New York. My dear Mrs. Traut, I beg herewith to enclose my check for ten Acceptance dollars in payment for the five tickets sent for your benefit for the Blind Babies' Association. I shall be very glad to have you use my name as patroness at that time. Wishing you all success, I am, Yours very truly, Muriel B. Stagg. Mrs. S. F. Weekes, York Turning, Poughkeepsie, N. Y. My dear Mrs. Weekes, It is with much pleasure that I lend my name as patron at your special performance for the widows and children of miners and enclose my check for fifty dollars herewith for a box. With sincere good wishes for your success, I am, Yours very truly, Thomas E. Maderon. Mrs. S. F. Weekes, York Turning, Poughkeepsie, N. Y. My dear Mrs. Weekes, In response to your note asking me to act as patroness at the benefit performance on Tues- [ 131 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER day, March the fourth, I beg to say that I shall be very glad to do so, provided it does not en- tail other responsibility than purchasing two tickets, for which I enclose my check. Yours very truly, Judith F. Hopkins. Mrs. S. F. Weekes, York Turning, Poughkeepsie, N. Y. My dear Mrs. Weekes, Refusal In reply to your note of the thirteenth in- stant, asking me to act as patroness at the bene- fit for the widows and children of miners, I beg to say that I prefer not to give my name, but enclose my check for five dollars, as a small donation toward your work. Thanking you for the courtesy extended, I am, Yours truly, Evelyn F. Grost. My dear Mrs. Weekes, I regret I am unable to accept your kind in- vitation to act as patroness for the benefit held on the sixth of March, and beg to return the five tickets sent. Thanking you for the courtesy of asking me, Yours truly, Margaret F. Doe. The Child's How great the task of setting a young child Letter down to write a duty letter. Fortunately, [ 132 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS there are few obligations imposed upon the little one, but the few are the thorns, not only for him, but for the parent who stands by to see that he says the right thing. A few very simple phrases are here set down to suggest an idea or so. They should not be used if the child has any idea of his own, but are placed in the following lines to help the little one whose pen or pencil is in no way a staff, but a stick, to be hurled to the farther- most corner of the room. Dear Auntie Mabel, Thank you very very much for the dolly. The Letter I think she is beautiful and I am very happy Of to have her come to stay with me. Thanks Mamma says I must be very careful of her, so that she will keep pretty a long time. I will be good to her as I love her very much. Please come soon and see me, Your loving little niece, Marjorie. Dear Uncle John, Thank you very much for the box of sol- diers. I like them best of all my birthday presents, and I am going to play war and fight my battleship against them. Please come soon and play with me, Your loving nephew, Teddie. [ 133 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Dear Grandma, On a I wish you many many happy returns of Birthday your birthday. I hope you are quite well and have a birthday cake with candles on it. Your loving grandchild, Edith. Dear Grandpa, I hope you are having a very happy birthday and that you have received lots of nice presents. I have sent a surprise to you, but you must not guess what it is until you get it. It is big and fat and soft, but I won't tell you any more. Your loving grandson, Peter. French French is a language that lends itself to Mode of g race o f expression. It has six pretty ways of Address- - , . TV T r an( i paying a compliment to our one. Many of us Closing are familiar with the language and write it Letters fluently, but pause at the proper closing salu- tation to a letter. The body of the letter is easily written, but we often puzzle over just what words to use to express the right amount of warmth or cordiality. In Some make the mistake of addressing a per- Addressing son as m English, using the pronoun. This is redundant, for Chere Madame or Cher Mon- sieur, etc., is sufficient. Never abbreviate Madame, Monsieur, Mademoiselle unless the [ 134 1 MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS name is added. "Dear Sir" or "Dear Madam" has its equivalent in Monsieur or Madame. In mentioning a relative to one with whom an intimate acquaintance is not established, we generally write: Monsieur votre Oncle, Madame votre Mere, etc. Officers and other men of military, naval or state titles are ad- dressed as: Monsieur le Commandant, Monsieur le Commissionaire, Monsieur UAmiral, Mon- sieur le Maire, etc. There are many variations to express the Concluding same sentiment, as was said above. The word a Letter recevez implies a condescension unless it is followed by a very cordial phrase. Except to an inferior, it is better to use the word agreer. To begin with the most distant and formal Yours of endings : Truly Recevez Monsieur (Madame] Expression de mes sentiments distingues. Recevez Monsieur (Madame) mes salutations. Recevez Monsieur (Madame] mes civilites. Recevez Monsieur (Madame] ^assurance de ma haute consideration. Je vous prie d'etre assure de mes meilleurs sen- Yours timents. Very Truly Je vous prie d* agreer mes salutations empressees. Croyez a mes bons sentiments pour vous. [ 135 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Yours Soyez certaine de V assurance de mes meilleurs Sincerely sentiments. Croyez a mes sentiments ,devoues. (Gentleman to lady) Feuillez, Madame, rece- voir I* expression de tout mon respect. Lady in answer Agreez, cher Monsieur, U expression de mes sentiments d'amitie. Daignez agreer, Madame, mes meilleurs sou- venirs et mes vceux les plus sinceres pour votre succes. Yours Very Recevez, cher Monsieur, de ma part une cor- Sincerely foale poignee de main, or une bonne poignee de r Yours main . Cordially . Bien a vous. Tout cordialement a vous. Je suis de cceur, votre tout devoue. Je suis tout a vous. Chere Madame, je vous baise la main. Yours Recevez, chere Madame, avec mes remercie- Gratefully ments, V assurance de ma gratitude infinie. Je vous prie d'agreer mes salutations et mes remer dements. Yours Re- Recevez, Monsieur, r expression de mon profond spectfully respecL Yours Feuillez recevoir, Madame, mes homages respec- Faithfully tuex. Yours Affec- Feuillez recevoir, chere Suzanne, V expression tionately fo ma p[ us v { ve am {tie. [ 136 ] MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS Je ? embrasse affectueusement. Ton tout devoue. Je suis de cceur, votre tout devoue. Jean s'unit a moi pour t'envoyer a tons ses bonnes amities. [ 137 ] CHAPTER VIII MODE OF ADDRESS For IT^ORMS for addressing envelopes are gov- Women Jj erned by a few accepted rules. For in- stance, a married woman is addressed by her husband's name, even after his death, except where two women in the family have the same name. As, for example, a mother and daughter- in-law. The son has the same name as his father with Jr. added. At the father's death he drops the Jr., and so both married women Two have the same name, which often is very awk- Women warc i. Jf tne widow wishes, she, in such a case, with Same 111-1 j r Name ma ^ ta ^ e ner baptismal name to avoid confu- sion, so, where she was formerly known as "Mrs. Henry Dash" she may now sign herself "Mrs. Grace Dash." Divorced With the divorced woman it is otherwise. Woman Unless the courts allow her the privilege of using her maiden name again, should she desire to do so, she takes her baptismal name. Prior to her divorce she was known as "Mrs. James Tooker Blaine," after, as "Mrs. Blanche Garrick (her maiden name) Blaine." Her status is then tacitly established and thus she avoids any un- [ 138 ] MODE OF ADDRESS pleasantness or confusion if her ex-husband should marry again and there would be two "Mrs. James Tooker Blaines." In writing to a stranger or in a business letter, Business the woman always signs her name to the letter Signature thus: Christian name Maiden name Married name Margaret Meadows Johnson or her initials to the Christian and maiden name, always writing her married name in full. Under this signature she may add in brackets the name by which she is addressed as: Margaret Meadows Johnson or M. M. Johnson {Mrs. John W. Johnson} She must never use as part of the signature the prefix "Mrs." or "Mr." It is the height of bad form. In all social correspondence the woman always uses her full name, never just the initials. A woman never uses her husband's official Husband*. title as, "Mrs. Dr. James" or "Mrs. Justice Official Smith," no matter what his rank may be. She has merely the right to "Mrs. Henry Smith" or "Mrs. George James." Even though the hus- band happens to be the highest executive of state, this form holds. [ 139 ] THE SOCIAL LETTER Title for If she has gained a title of her own she may, "*f g of course, use it. If, for instance, she is a physician, she would use her name thus, "Dr. Mary Stevens." In this instance she would not use her husband's Christian name. Unmarried In writing a business letter the unmarried Women WO man, where she is not known, may put "Miss" in brackets before her signature, lest she be addressed as "Mrs.," as "(Miss) Eleanor Towne." Men In England it is the custom always to use Esq., or less frequently " Esqr." for all social correspondence, or to professional men, instead of "Mr." This custom is followed to a great extent in America. Social notes should be addressed: John Growton, Esq. Business notes should be addressed : Mr. John Growton Tradesmen notes should be addressed: John Growton Jr. and Sr. Some believe that if the name has Jr. or Sr. attached, Mr. or Esq. need not be used. Logi- cally, this does not hold, for either Sr. or Jr. is part of the signature and can hardly be [ HO ] MODE OF ADDRESS considered a title. Therefore James Duncan, Jr., Esq., or Mr. James Duncan, Jr., is really the more correct form. In many cases Sr. is omitted, since in its omission lies the fact of senior being understood. Jr., however, is always used until the death of the senior of the same name. Titles of physicians, professors, clergy, titles Official by courtesy, and of those holding public office Titles are generally abbreviated on the envelope and at the heading of a letter, except when extremely formal. Esq. or Mr. is never used in connection with any titles whatsoever in the above cases. But where one addresses "My dear Doctor" or "My dear Professor," then the title is written in full. This form is not affected in formal notes, as it is more courteous to write title and name as, "My dear Doctor James" or "My dear Professor Duncan." In less formal notes these titles, when the name is added, may be abbre- viated, but never in formal invitations. All officers above the grade of lieutenant Officers of should be addressed by their titles and rank as, the Army and Navy General Henry F. Wood Adjutant General United States Army THE SOCIAL LETTER and should receive the written salutation in formal communications, "Sir;" in informal, "Dear General Wood." The word "General" should not be abbreviated. War Office James F. Pointer, Esq., General in Command of The Army of the United States or: James F. Pointer The Commanding Officer 2pth Infantry It is a general rule in the Army and Navy that envelopes addressed to officers of both services should be written with their proper title. A lieutenant is generally : Mr. J. G. Smith Lieutenant nth Regiment United States Infantry He is spoken of as Mister, " My dear Mr. ." A Commander in the Navy is sometimes called by courtesy, "Captain," although the envelope is addressed, "Commander." Foreign An Ambassador is addressed formally as Legation "His Excellency" or "The Hon. Mr. Greene." The Eon. Rufus Greene Ambassador to Finland [ 142 ] CHART o o 2 S e o e o 2 li I have the hon remain most respectfully (sincerely) you Pff lilt I have the hon remain most respectfully (sincerely) you Believe me, most sincerely yours Believe me, most sincerely yours Believe me, most sincerely yours Believe me, most sincerely yours Believe me, most sincerely yours 2 1e i!i In P s IL i o ^s ^8 ^ O J 55 < * 5 a ^ .| c h 5 s t 1.9 1 s s ^.sl .' OT S " O 3 O b* 3 i| '!!! * I ji| '! l IK| *ll ii ii hi | 2 | J2i M lal Isl > 4> I S . 3 55 s .3 o o ^ = - 2 < - s pa o f H o o y ^ if g s tn s 1 1 s S-W 1 S 1 1 to 1 to My dear -I 1 o S I s ! Ij a z is .S3 A .b dl .ts K LH il 1 1 1 a Q 1 1 i S 8 S o g S s ^ 5 cH s & 5 ADDRESSING ENVELOPE 1 s-a 1? II Hon. or Honorable James Doe, Secretary of Interior, etc. Senator Thomas F. Gilt or Honorable Thomas F. Gilt Honorable James P. Turner Mr. Justice M. Greene, The Hon. M. Greene, Justice of Supreme Court Governor John F. McCall II 1 .a^fc S o> ** S ! 'a II 1 X 1 President of United Sta Vice-Preside Cabinet Members Senators Member of I of Represen Justice of Supreme C Governor of Mayor of Cit THE SOCIAL LETTER 1 Ill 11 *13 have honor t remain your Lordship's o servant have the remain y servant s! JS 5S sIS jSJiS ve the ho main you 11 Ills II SALUTA INFOR My dear Archbi Most Reve Dear Sir Your or Dear Ne r' ^s M s 1 The Most His Grac I o the R the L Kent To the Right Joseph F. Bishop of Massachus i ll [ H4 1 CHART ii 22 j g to remain, ours sincerely 11 > Jf* O ; s sf i P Siii suga i * is SALUTATION FORMAL rend and dec .53 V) i 1 g g lj 3 % 1 1 H u 11 The Reverei G. Hill (w D.D.) Re' Doctor Hi H G IN Q o i l s s s H otJ~ 3511 l^S s a ii ji III Your Royal 1 most obedi servant Si! !j{ honor to our 's most servant honor to four Royal ,' humble ill . *s HI. J||| *ill l.cis ill! llsl Jill III! K i i ^ I ,J 11 i la 13 II >> >, i ! |8 I |l ?l . 11 ii ? ^ *? "^ ^ rt "S-- > -o ^ -^ -H s 3 "^ i 5 i* 3 a ls III 1" o His (Her) Most Gracious Majesty King George (Queen Mary) Hb (Her) Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales (or Princess Mary) o His (Her) Grace, the Duke of Devonshire (or Duchess of Devonshire) o Her Grace, the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire, or 'o Her Grace. Anne, Duchess of Devonshire H H H M . ' 1 3 8 Q 5 S oft rt |l 1 Ml a 8 I 1 M 3 O P [ 145 THE SOCIAL LETTER II s | . . i ||| II III IK! li |Si s'l ill i?l <- ill It ill ill B d " B ~ B & | ' _ O j 1*J I* I w -1 u _l II J >> Si - M "O. " _ g tn "2. s 3 8g| 1.5 111 .S c 2 1 g 1- r lllll 1 III1 II l! ! 1 1 1 ~ ll 1 Pi 1 a Q |. t |l ? a Q i 8 i I 1 I ADDRESSING ENVELOPE ra ^. .2 Ji .^i^ ^ '3 To the Dowager, Marchioness of Fife, To Mary, Marchioness of Fife To the Right Honorable, the Lord James Grey, To the Right Honorable, the Lady James Grey Right Hon. the Lady Janet Gregory (Informal) To the Lady Janet Gregory 1 i 11 Is I j si ^ Sj || 1 jl p* 111 p [ H6 ] CHART i >. $ 3 1 1 1 all !! e 3 3 O >.^ i i "3^ x xs |f JJ- M M M E g-u 5s 13 1 "S .S M.E 3 J la dear Lord (Li 1 J 1 S :erely yours r Sir James, f r Lady Grey, r Sir James, f r Lady Grey, Ei | 1 | ! 1 II II 31 I | I i{i i II II 1 i | | 1 i tj j II II * ^ n X 2 * 1 && fjj Lord Kent Lady Kent ] Mr. Warwick Mrs. Warwick Miss Grey Sir James Lady Grey Lady Grey Sir James 11 I 1 11 1 ij - - 11 g Q e 1 1 P 1 1 1 i] 1 J5 fa I I S 9 I s J ADDRESSING ENVELOPE Right Honorable the Earl of Kent Countess of Kent Right Honorable Viscount (Viscountess) Grey or To Viscount Grey To Viscountess Grey Right Honorable the Baron Whiteside, The Right Honorable the Baroness Whiteside To the Honorable James Warwick, To the Honorable Mrs. Warwick To the Honorable Miss Grey To Sir James Grey, Bart. To Lady Grey 1 S \s t 1 j V o i 1 ||| aughter ol Viscount Baron II 1! M > m H Q M [ 147 ] UCSOUTHERN UBRAflYFAQUTY 00 021 570 7