'."X 
 
 I am nere to arrest y^ 
 
 arrest vou for a series of robberies. 
 
Raffles 
 
 Further Adventures of the 
 Amateur Cracksman 
 
Xofb 
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 No Sinecure / 
 
 W Jubilee Present .•..•*.. ^/ 
 The Fate of Faustina .»•,,, 6p 
 
 The Last Laugh lo'^ 
 
 To Catch a Thief .••,.,.. /^2 
 An Old Flame ...•.,.,, j88 
 
 The Wrong House , . 2^^ 
 
 The Knees of the Gods ...... 261 
 
 248992 
 
RAFFLES 
 
 NO SINECURE 
 
 1AM still uncertain which surprised me 
 more, the telegram calling my attention 
 to the advertisement, or the advertisement 
 itself. The telegram is before me as I 
 write. It would appear to have been hand- 
 ed in at Vere Street at eight o'clock in the 
 morning of May ii, 1897, ^"^ received be- 
 fore half-past at Holloway B.O. And in 
 that drab region it duly found me, unwashen 
 but at work before the day grew hot and 
 my attic insupportable. 
 
 " See Mr. Maturin's advertisement Daily Mail 
 might suit you earnestly beg try will speak if 
 necessary " 
 
 I transcribe the thing as I see it before 
 me, all in one breath that took away mine ; 
 
 I 
 
Raffles 
 
 but I leave out the initials at the end, which 
 completed the surprise. They stood very 
 obviously for the knighted specialist whose 
 consulting-room is within a cab-whistle of 
 Vere Street, and who once called me kins- 
 man for his sins. More recently he had 
 called me other names. I was a disgrace, 
 qualified by an adjective which seemed to 
 me another. I had made my bed, and I 
 could go and lie and die in it. If I ever 
 again had the insolence to show my nose 
 in that house, I should go out quicker than 
 I came in. All this, and more, my least 
 distant relative could tell a poor devil to 
 his face; could ring for his man, and give 
 him his brutal instructions on the spot ; and 
 then relent to the tune of this telegram! I 
 have no phrase for my amazement. I lit- 
 erally could not believe my eyes. Yet their 
 evidence was more and more conclusive: 
 a very .epistle could not have been more 
 characteristic of its sender. Meanly ellip- 
 tical, ludicrously precise, saving half-pence 
 at the expense of sense, yet paying like a 
 man for " Mr." Maturin, that was my dis- 
 tinguished relative from his bald patch to 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 his corns. Nor was all the rest unlike him, 
 upon second thoughts. He had a reputa- 
 tion for charity; he was going to live up 
 to it after all. Either that, or it was the 
 sudden impulse of which the most calculat- 
 ing are capable at times ; the morning pa- 
 pers with the early cup of tea, this adver- 
 tisement seen by chance, and the rest upon 
 the spur of a guilty conscience. 
 
 Well, I must see it for myself, and the 
 sooner the better, though work pressed. I 
 was writing a series of articles upon prison 
 life, and had my nib into the whole System ; 
 a Hterary and philanthropical daily was pa- 
 rading my " charges," the graver ones with 
 the more gusto ; and the terms, if unhand- 
 some for creative work, were temporary 
 wealth to me. It so happened that my first 
 cheque had just arrived by the eight o'clock 
 post; and my position should be appreci- 
 ated when I say that I had to cash it to 
 obtain a Daily Mail. 
 
 Of the advertisement itself, what is to be 
 
 said? It should speak for itself if I could 
 
 find it, but I cannot, and only remember 
 
 that it was a " male nurse and constant at- 
 
 3 
 
Raffles 
 
 tendant " that was " wanted for an elderly 
 gentleman in feeble health." A male nurse ! 
 An absurd tag was appended, offering '' lib- 
 eral salary to University or public-school 
 man " ; and of a sudden I saw that I should 
 get this thing if I applied for it. What 
 other " University or public-school man " 
 would dream of doing so? Was any other 
 in such straits as I? And then my relent- 
 ing relative ; he not only promised to speak 
 for me, but was the very man to do so. 
 Could any recommendation compete with 
 his in the matter of a male nurse? And 
 need the duties of such be necessarily loath- 
 some and repellent? Certainly the sur- 
 roundings would be better than those of my 
 common lodging-house and own particular 
 garret ; and the food ; and every other con- 
 dition of life that I could think of on my 
 way back to that unsavoury asylum. So I 
 dived into a pawnbroker's shop, where I was 
 a stranger only upon my present errand, 
 and within the hour was airing a decent if 
 antiquated suit, but little corrupted by the 
 pawnbroker's moth, and a new straw hat, 
 on the top of a tram. 
 4 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 The address given in the advertisement 
 was that of a flat at Earl's Court, which 
 cost me a cross-country journey, finishing 
 with the District Railway and a seven min- 
 utes' walk. It was now past mid-day, and 
 the tarry wood-pavement was good to smell 
 as I strode up the Earl's Court Road. It 
 was great to walk the civilised world again. 
 Here were men with coats on their backs, 
 and ladies in gloves. My only fear was lest 
 I might run up against one or other whom 
 I had known of old. But it was my lucky 
 day. I felt it in my bones. I was going to 
 get this berth ; and sometimes I should be 
 able to smell the wood-pavement on the old 
 boy's errands; perhaps he would insist on 
 skimming over it in his bath-chair, with me 
 behind. 
 
 I felt quite nervous when I reached the 
 flats. They were a small pile in a side 
 street, and I pitied the doctor whose plate 
 I saw upon the palings before the ground- 
 floor windows ; he must be in a very small 
 way, I thought. I rather pitied myself as 
 well. I had indulged in visions of better 
 flats than these. There were no balconies. 
 5 
 
Raffles 
 
 The porter was out of livery. There was 
 no lift, and my invalid on the third floor! 
 I trudged up, wishing I had never lived in 
 Mount Street, and brushed against a de- 
 jected individual coming down. A full- 
 blooded young fellow in a frock-coat flung 
 the right door open at my summons. 
 
 " Does Mr. Maturin live here ? " I in- 
 quired. 
 
 "That's right," said the full-blooded 
 young man, grinning all over a convivial 
 countenance. 
 
 ** I — Fve come about his advertisement 
 in the Daily Mail." 
 
 "You're the thirty - ninth," cried the 
 blood ; " that was the thirty-eighth you 
 met upon the stairs, and the day's still 
 young. Excuse my staring at you. Yes, 
 you pass your prelim., and can come inside ; 
 you're one of the few. We had most just 
 after breakfast, but now the porter's head- 
 ing off the worst cases, and that last chap 
 was the first for twenty minutes. Come in 
 here." 
 
 And I was ushered into an empty room 
 iwith a good bay-window, which enabled my 
 6 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 full-blooded friend to inspect me yet more 
 critically in a good light ; this he did with- 
 out the least false delicacy; then his ques- 
 tions began. 
 
 '' 'Varsity man?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 "Public school?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 "Which one?" 
 
 I told him, and he sighed relief. 
 
 " At last ! You're the very first I've not 
 had to argue with as to what is and what 
 is not a public school. Expelled? " 
 
 " No," I said, after a moment's hesita- 
 tion ; " no, I was not expelled. And I hope 
 you won't expel me if I ask a question in 
 my turn ? " 
 
 " Certainly not." 
 
 " Are you Mr. Maturin's son? " 
 
 "No, my name's Theobald. You may 
 have seen it down below." 
 
 "The doctor?" I said. 
 
 " His doctor," said Theobald, with a sat- 
 isfied eye. " Mr. Maturin's doctor. He is 
 having a male nurse and attendant by my 
 advice, and he wants a gentleman if he can 
 7 
 
Raffles 
 
 get one. I rather think he'll see you, 
 though he's only seen two or three all day. 
 There are certain questions which he pre- 
 fers to ask himself, and it's no good going 
 over the same ground twice. So perhaps I 
 had better tell him about you before we get 
 any further." 
 
 And he withdrew to a room still nearer 
 the entrance, as I could hear, for it was a 
 very small flat indeed. But now two 
 doors were shut between us, and I had to 
 rest content with murmurs through the 
 wall until the doctor returned to summon 
 me. 
 
 '' I have persuaded my patient to see 
 you," he whispered, " but I confess I am 
 not sanguine of the result. He is very dif- 
 ficult to please. You must prepare yourself 
 for a querulous invalid, and for no sinecure 
 if you get the billet." 
 
 " May I ask what's the matter with 
 him?" 
 
 *' By all means — when you've got the 
 billet." 
 
 Dr. Theobald then led the way, his pro- 
 fessional dignity so thoroughly intact that 
 8 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 I could not but smile as I followed his 
 swinging coat-tails to the sick-room. I car- 
 ried no smile across the threshold of a dark- 
 ened chamber which reeked of drugs and 
 twinkled with medicine bottles, and in the 
 middle of which a gaunt figure lay abed in 
 the half-light. 
 
 ''Take him to the window, take him to 
 the window," a thin voice snapped, " and 
 let's have a look at him. Open the blind 
 a bit. Not as much as that, damn you, not 
 as much as that ! " 
 
 The doctor took the oath as though it 
 had been a fee. I no longer pitied him. 
 It was now very clear to me that he had 
 one patient who was a little practice in him- 
 self. I determined there and then that he 
 should prove a little profession to me, if 
 we could but keep him alive between us. 
 Mr. Maturin, however, had the whitest face 
 that I have ever seen, and his teeth gleamed 
 out through the dusk as though the with- 
 ered lips no longer met about them; nor 
 did they except in speech; and anything 
 ghastlier than the perpetual grin of his re- 
 pose I defy you to imagine. It was with 
 9 
 
Raffles 
 
 this grin that he lay regarding me while 
 the doctor held the blind. 
 
 " So you think you could look after me, 
 do you ? " 
 
 " I'm certain I could, sir." 
 
 " Single-handed, mind ! I don't keep an- 
 other soul. You would have to cook your 
 own grub and my slops. Do you think you 
 could do all that?" 
 
 " Yes, sir, I think so." 
 
 " Why do you ? Have you any experi- 
 ence of the kind ? " 
 
 " No, sir, none." 
 
 " Then why do you pretend you have ? " 
 
 " I only meant that I would do my best." 
 
 " Only meant, only meant ! Have you 
 done your best at everything else, then ? " 
 
 I hung my head. This was a facer. And 
 there was something in my invalid which 
 thrust the unspoken lie down my throat. 
 
 " No, sir, I have not," I told him plainly. 
 
 " He, he, he ! " the old wretch tittered ; 
 " and you do well to own it ; you do well, 
 sir, very well indeed. If you hadn't owned 
 up, out you would have gone, out neck-and- 
 crop ! You've saved your bacon. You may 
 
 lO 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 do more. So you are a public-school boy, 
 and a very good school yours is, but you 
 weren't at either University. Is that cor- 
 rect?" 
 
 " Absolutely." 
 
 " What did you do when you left 
 school ? " 
 
 " I came in for money." 
 
 "And then?" 
 
 " I spent my money." 
 
 "And since then?" 
 
 I stood like a mule. 
 
 " And since then, I say ! " 
 
 "A relative of mine will tell you if you 
 ask him. He is an eminent man, and he 
 has promised to speak for me. I would 
 rather say no more myself." 
 
 " But you shall, sir, but you shall ! Do 
 you suppose that I suppose a public-school 
 boy would apply for a berth like this if 
 something or other hadn't happened ? What 
 I want is a gentleman of sorts, and I don't 
 much care what sort ; but you've got to tell 
 me what did happen, if you don't tell any- 
 body else. Dr. Theobald, sir, you can go 
 to the devil if you won't take a hint. This 
 II 
 
Raffles 
 
 man may do or he may not. You have no 
 more to say to it till I send him down to 
 tell you one thing or the other. Clear out, 
 sir, clear out ; and if you think you've any- 
 thing to complain of, you stick it down in 
 the bill ! " 
 
 In the mild excitement of our interview 
 the thin voice had gathered strength, and 
 the last shrill insult was screamed after the 
 devoted medico, as he retired in such order 
 that I felt certain he was going to take this 
 trying patient at his word. The bedroom 
 door closed, then the outer one, and the 
 doctor's heels went drumming down the 
 common stair. I was alone in the flat with 
 this highly singular and rather terrible old 
 man. 
 
 " And a damned good riddance ! " croaked 
 the invalid, raising himself on one elbow 
 without delay. " I may not have much body 
 left to boast about, but at least I've got a 
 lost old soul to call my own. That's why I 
 want a gentleman of sorts about me. I've 
 been too dependent on that chap. He won't 
 even let me smoke, and he's been in the 
 flat all day to see I didn't. You'll find the 
 
 12 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 cigarettes behind the Madonna of the 
 Chair." 
 
 It was a steel engraving of the great 
 Raffaelle, and the frame was tilted from 
 the wall ; at a touch a packet of cigarettes 
 tumbled down from behind. 
 
 " Thanks ; and now a light.'* 
 
 I struck the match and held it, while the 
 invalid inhaled with normal lips ; and sud- 
 denly I sighed. I was irresistibly reminded 
 of my poor dear old Raffles. A smoke-ring 
 worthy of the great A. J. was floating up- 
 ward from the sick man's lips. 
 
 " And now take one yourself. I have 
 smoked more poisonous cigarettes. But 
 even these are not SuUivans ! " 
 
 I cannot repeat what I said. I have no 
 iHea what I did. I only know — I only knew 
 —that it was A. J. Raffles in the flesh ! 
 
 13 
 
Raffles 
 
 II 
 
 " Yes, Bunny, it was the very devil of 
 a swim; but I defy you to sink in the 
 Mediterranean. That sunset saved me. 
 The sea was on fire. I hardly swam under 
 water at all, but went all I knew for the 
 sun itself; when it set I must have been a 
 mile away; until it did I was the invisible 
 man. I figured on that, and only hope it 
 wasn't set down as a case of suicide. I shall 
 get outed quite soon enough. Bunny, but 
 I'd rather be dropped by the hangman than 
 throw my own wicket away." 
 
 " Oh, my dear old chap, to think of hav- 
 ing you by the hand again ! I feel as though 
 we were both aboard that German liner, 
 and all that's happened since a nightmare. 
 I thought that time was the last ! " 
 
 " It looked rather like it, Bunny. It was 
 taking all the risks, and hitting at every- 
 thing. But the game came off, and some 
 day I'll tell you how." 
 
 '' Oh, I'm in no hurry to hear. It's 
 enough for me to see you lying there. I 
 don't want to know how you came there, 
 14 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 or why, though I fear you must be pretty 
 bad. I must have a good look at you be- 
 fore I let you speak another word ! " 
 
 I raised one of the blinds, I sat upon the 
 bed, and I had that look. It left me all 
 unable to conjecture his true state of health, 
 but quite certain in my own mind that my 
 dear Raffles was. not and never would be 
 the man that he had been. He had aged 
 twenty years; he looked fifty at the very 
 least. His hair was white; there was no 
 trick about that ; and his face was another 
 white. The lines about the corners of the 
 eyes and mouth were both many and deep. 
 On the other hand, the eyes themselves 
 were alight and alert as ever; they were 
 still keen and gray and gleaming, like finely 
 tempered steel. Even the mouth, with a 
 cigarette to close it, was the mouth of 
 Raffles and no other : strong and unscrupu- 
 lous as the man himself. It was only the 
 physical strength which appeared to have 
 departed; but that was quite sufficient to 
 make my heart bleed for the dear rascal 
 who had cost me every tie I valued but the 
 tie between us two. 
 
 15 
 
Raffles 
 
 " Think I look much older ? " he asked 
 at length. 
 
 " A bit," I admitted. " But it is chiefly 
 your hair." 
 
 " Whereby hangs a tale for when we've 
 talked ourselves out, though I have often 
 thought it was that long swim that started 
 it. Still, the Island of Elba is a rummy 
 show, I can assure you. And Naples is a 
 rummier." 
 
 " You went there after all ? " 
 
 " Rather ! It's the European paradise for 
 such as our noble selves. But there's no 
 place that's a patch on little London as a 
 non-conductor of heat; it never need get 
 too hot for a fellow here; if it does it's 
 his own fault. It's the kind of wicket you 
 don't get out on, unless you get yourself 
 out. So here I am again, and have been 
 for the last six weeks. And I mean to have 
 another knock." 
 
 " But surely, old fellow, you're not aw- 
 fully fit, are you ? " 
 
 " Fit ? My dear Bunny, I'm dead — I'm 
 at the bottom of the sea — and don't you 
 forget it for a minute." 
 i6 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 " But are you all right, or are you not ? " 
 " No, Tm half-poisoned by Theobald's 
 prescriptions and putrid cigarettes, and as 
 weak as a cat from lying in bed." 
 
 " Then why on earth lie in bed, Raffles ? " 
 '' Because it's better than lying in gaol, 
 as I am afraid you know, my poor dear 
 fellow. I tell you I am dead; and my one 
 terror is of coming to life again by acci- 
 dent. Can't you see? I simply dare not 
 show my nose out of doors — by day. You 
 have no idea of the number of perfectly 
 innocent things a dead man daren't do. I 
 can't even smoke Sullivans, because no one 
 man was ever so partial to them as I was 
 in my lifetime, and you never know when 
 you may start a clue." 
 
 " What brought you to these mansions ? " 
 " I fancied a flat, and a man recom- 
 mended these on the boat; such a good 
 chap, Bunny; he was my reference when 
 it came to signing the lease. You see I 
 landed on a stretcher — most pathetic case 
 — old Australian without a friend in old 
 country — ordered Engadine as last chance 
 • — no go — not an earthly — sentimental wish 
 17 
 
Raffles 
 
 to die in London — that's the history of 
 Mr. Maturin. If it doesn't hit you hard, 
 Bunny, you're the first. But it hit friend 
 Theobald hardest of all. I'm an income 
 to him. I believe he's going to marry on 
 me. 
 
 " Does he guess there's nothing wrong ? " 
 " Knows, bless you ! But he doesn't 
 know I know he knows, and there isn't a 
 disease in the dictionary that he hasn't 
 treated me for since he's had me in hand. 
 To do him justice, I believe he thinks me 
 a hypochondriac of the first water ; but that 
 young man will go far if he keeps on the 
 wicket. He has spent half his nights up 
 here, at guineas apiece." 
 
 " Guineas must be plentiful, old chap ! '* 
 " They have been, Bunny. I can't say 
 more. But I don't see why they shouldn't 
 be again." 
 
 I was not going to inquire where the 
 guineas came from. As if I cared! But 
 I did ask old Raffles how in the world he 
 had got upon my tracks ; and thereby drew 
 the sort of smile with which old gentlemen 
 rub their hands, and old ladies nod their 
 i8 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 noses. Raffles merely produced a perfect 
 oval of blue smoke before replying. 
 
 " I was waiting for you to ask that. 
 Bunny; it's a long time since I did any- 
 thing upon which I plume myself more. Of 
 course, in the first place, I spotted you at 
 once by these prison articles; they were 
 not signed, but the fist was the fist of my 
 sitting rabbit ! " 
 
 " But who gave you my address ? '' 
 
 " I wheedled it out of your excellent edi- 
 tor; called on him at dead of night, when 
 I occasionally go afield like other ghosts, 
 and wept it out of him in five minutes. I 
 was your only relative ; your name was not 
 your own name ; if he insisted I would give 
 him mine. He didn't insist, Bunny, and I 
 danced down his stairs with your address 
 in my pocket." 
 
 "Last night?" 
 
 "No, last week." 
 
 " And so the advertisement was yours, as 
 well as the telegram ! " 
 
 I had, of course, forgotten both in the 
 high excitement of the hour, or I should 
 scarcely have announced my belated discov- 
 
Raffles 
 
 ery with such an air. As it was I made 
 Raffles look at me as I had known him 
 look before, and the droop of his eyeUds 
 began to sting. 
 
 " Why all this subtlety ? " I petulantly 
 exclaimed. '' Why couldn't you come 
 straight away to me in a cab ? " 
 
 He did not inform me that I was hope- 
 less as ever. He did not address me as his 
 good rabbit. He was silent for a time, 
 and then spoke in a tone which made me 
 ashamed of mine. 
 
 " You see, there are two or three of me 
 now. Bunny: one's at the bottom of the 
 Mediterranean, and one's an old Australian 
 desirous of dying in the old country, but in 
 no immediate danger of dying anywhere. 
 The old Australian doesn't know a soul in 
 town; he's got to be consistent, or he's 
 done. This sitter Theobald is his only 
 friend, and has seen rather too much of 
 him; ordinary dust won't do for his eyes. 
 Begin to see ? To pick you out of a crowd, 
 that was the game ; to let old Theobald help 
 to pick you, better still ! To start with he 
 was dead against my having anybody at all ; 
 20 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 wanted me all to himself, naturally; but 
 anything rather than kill the goose ! So he 
 is to have a fiver a week while he keeps me 
 alive, and he's going to be married next 
 month. That's a pity in some ways, but a 
 good thing in others; he will want more 
 money than he foresees, and he may always 
 be of use to us at a pinch. Meanwhile he 
 eats out of my hand." 
 
 I complimented Raffles on the mere com- 
 position of his telegram, with half the 
 characteristics of my distinguished kinsman 
 squeezed into a dozen odd words; and let 
 him know how the old ruffian had really 
 treated me. Raffles was not surprised ; we 
 had dined together at my relative's in the 
 old days, and filed for reference a profes- 
 sional valuation of his household gods. I 
 now learnt that the telegram had been 
 posted, with the hour marked for its de- 
 spatch, at the pillar nearest Vere Street, on 
 the night before the advertisement was due 
 to appear in the Daily Mail. This also had 
 been carefully prearranged; and Raffles's 
 only fear had been lest it might be held 
 over despite his explicit instructions, and so 
 
 21 
 
Raffles 
 
 drive me to the doctor for an explanation of 
 his telegram. But the adverse chances had 
 been weeded out and weeded out to the ir- 
 reducible minimum of risk. 
 
 His greatest risk, according to Raffles, 
 lay nearest home : bedridden invalid that he 
 was supposed to be, his nightly terror was 
 of running into Theobald's arms in the im- 
 mediate neighbourhood of the flat. But 
 Raffles had characteristic methods of mini- 
 mising even that danger, of which some- 
 thing anon; meanwhile he recounted more 
 than one of his nocturnal adventures, all, 
 however, of a singularly innocent type ; and 
 one thing I noticed while he talked. His 
 room was the first as you entered the flat. 
 The long inner wall divided the room not 
 merely from the passage but from the outer 
 landing as well. Thus every step upon the 
 bare stone stairs could be heard by Raffles 
 where he lay; and he would never speak 
 while one was ascending, until it had passed 
 his door. The afternoon brought more than 
 one applicant for the post which it was my 
 duty to tell them that I had already ob- 
 tained. Between three and four, however, 
 
 23 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 Raffles, suddenly looking at his watch, 
 packed me off in a hurry to the other end 
 of London for my things. 
 
 " I'm afraid you must be famishing, 
 Bunny. It's a fact that I cat very little, 
 and that at odd hours, but I ought not to 
 have forgotten you. Get yourself a snack 
 outside, but not a square meal if you can 
 resist one. We've got to celebrate this day 
 this night ! " 
 
 '^To-night?" I cried. 
 
 " To-night at eleven, and Kellner's the 
 place. You may well open your eyes, but 
 we didn't go there much, if you remember, 
 and the staff seems changed. Anyway we'll 
 risk it for once. I was in last night, talking 
 like a stage American, and supper's ordered 
 for eleven sharp." 
 
 " You made as sure of me as all that ! " 
 
 " There was no harm in ordering supper. 
 We shall have it in a private room, but you 
 may as well dress if you've got the duds." 
 
 " They're at my only forgiving relative's." 
 
 " How much will get them out, and 
 square you up, and bring you back bag and 
 baggage in good time ? " 
 «3 
 
Raffles 
 
 I had to calculate. . 
 
 " A tenner, easily.'* 
 
 " I had one ready for you. Here it is, 
 and I wouldn't lose any time if I were you. 
 On the way you might look up Theobald, 
 tell him you've got it and how long you'll 
 be gone, and that I can't be left alone all 
 the time. And, by Jove, yes ! You get me 
 a stall for the Lyceum at the nearest agent's ; 
 there are two or three in High Street ; and 
 say it was given you when you come in. 
 That young man shall be out of the way 
 to-night." 
 
 I found our doctor in a minute consulting- 
 room and his shirt-sleeves, a tall tumbler at 
 his elbow ; at least I caught sight of the 
 tumbler on entering ; thereafter he stood in 
 front of it, with a futility which had my 
 sympathy. 
 
 " So you've got the billet," said Dr. 
 Theobald. "Well, as I told you before, 
 and as you have since probably discovered 
 for yourself, you won't find it exactly a 
 sinecure. My own part of the business is 
 by no means that; indeed, there are those 
 who would throw up the case, after the 
 24 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 kind of treatment that you have seen for 
 yourself. But professional considerations 
 are not the only ones, and one cannot make 
 too many allowances in such a case." 
 
 " But what is the case ? " I asked him. 
 " You said you would tell me if I was suc- 
 cessful." 
 
 Dr. Theobald's shrug was worthy of the 
 profession he seemed destined to adorn; it 
 was not incompatible with any construction 
 which one chose to put upon it. Next mo- 
 ment he had stiffened. I suppose I still 
 spoke more or less like a gentleman. Yet, 
 after all, I was only the male nurse. He 
 seemed to remember this suddenly, and he 
 took occasion to remind me of the fact. 
 
 " Ah," said he, " that was before I knew 
 you were altogether without experience; 
 and I must say that I was surprised even 
 at Mr. Maturin's engaging you after that; 
 but it will depend upon yourself how long 
 I allow him to persist in so curious an ex- 
 periment. As for what is the matter with 
 him, my good fellow, it is no use my giv- 
 ing you an answer which would be double 
 Dutch to you ; moreover, I have still to test 
 25 
 
Raffles 
 
 your discretionary powers. I may say, 
 however, that that poor gentleman presents 
 at once the most complex and most trouble- 
 some case, which is responsibility enough 
 without certain features which make it all 
 but insupportable. Beyond this I must re- 
 fuse to discuss my patient for the present; 
 but I shall certainly go up if I can find time." 
 
 He went up within five minutes. I found 
 him there on my return at dusk. But he 
 did not refuse my stall for the Lyceum, 
 which Raffles would not allow me to use 
 myself, and presented to him off-hand with- 
 out my leave. 
 
 " And don't you bother any more about 
 me till to-morrow," snapped the. high thin 
 voice as he was off. " I can send for you 
 now when I want you, and I'm hoping to 
 have a decent night for once." 
 
 s6 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 III 
 
 It was half-past ten when we left the 
 flat, in an interval of silence on the noisy 
 stairs. The silence was unbroken by our 
 wary feet. Yet for me a surprise was in 
 store upon the very landing. Instead of 
 going downstairs, Raffles led me up two 
 flights, and so out upon a perfectly flat roof. 
 
 " There are two entrances to these man- 
 sions," he explained between stars and 
 chimney-stacks : " one to our staircase, and 
 another round the corner. But there's only 
 one porter, and he lives on the basement 
 underneath us, and affects the door nearest 
 home. We miss him by using the wrong 
 stairs, and we run less risk of old Theobald. 
 I got the tip from the postmen, who come 
 up one way and down the other. Now, 
 follow me, and look out ! " 
 
 There was indeed some necessity for cau- 
 tion, for each half of the building had its 
 L-shaped well dropping sheer to the base, 
 the parapets so low that one might easily 
 have tripped over them into eternity. How- 
 ever, we were soon upon the second stair- 
 27 
 
Raffles 
 
 case, which opened on the roof like the first. 
 And twenty minutes of the next twenty- 
 five we spent in an admirable hansom, skim- 
 ming east. 
 
 " Not much change in the old hole, 
 Bunny. More of these magic-lantern ad- 
 vertisements . . . and absolutely the 
 worst bit of taste in town, though it's say- 
 ing something, in that equestrian statue 
 with the gilt stirrups and fixings; why 
 don't they black the buffer's boots and his 
 horse's hoofs while they are about it ? . . . 
 More bicyclists, of course. That was just 
 beginning, if you remember. It might have 
 been useful to us. . . . And there's the 
 old club, getting put into a crate for the 
 Jubilee; by Jove, Bunny, we ought to be 
 there. I wouldn't lean forward in Picca- 
 dilly, old chap. If you're seen I'm thought 
 of, and we shall have to be jolly careful at 
 Kellner's. . . . Ah, there it is! Did I 
 tell you I was a low-down stage Yankee at 
 Kellner's? You'd better be another, while 
 the waiter's in the room." 
 
 We had the little room upstairs ; and on 
 the very threshold I, even I, who knew my 
 28 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 Raffles of old, was taken horribly aback. 
 The table was laid for three. I called his 
 attention to it in a whisper. 
 
 ** Why, yep ! " came through his nose. 
 " Say, boy, the lady, she's not comin', but 
 you leave that tackle where 'tis. If I'm 
 liable to pay, I guess I'll have all there is 
 to it." 
 
 I have never been in America, and the 
 American public is the last on earth that 
 I desire to insult ; but idiom and intonation 
 alike would have imposed upon my inex- 
 perience. I had to look at Raffles to make 
 sure that it was he who spoke, and I had 
 my own reasons for looking hard. 
 
 " Who on earth was the lady ? " I in- 
 quired aghast at the first opportunity. 
 
 " She isn't on earth. They don't like 
 wasting this room on two, that's all. Bunny 
 — my Bunny — here's to us both ! " 
 
 And we clinked glasses swimming with 
 the liquid gold of Steinberg, 1868; but of 
 the rare delights of that supper I can 
 scarcely trust myself to write. It was no 
 mere meal, it was no coarse orgy, but a lit- 
 tle feast for the fastidious gods, not un« 
 29 
 
Raffles 
 
 worthy of LucuUus at his worst. And I 
 who had bolted my skilly at Wormwood 
 Scrubbs, and tightened my belt in a Hollo- 
 way attic, it was I who sat down to this 
 ineffable repast! Where the courses were 
 few, but each a triumph of its kind, it would 
 be invidious to single out any one dish ; but 
 the Jambon de Westphalie au Champagne 
 tempts me sorely. And then the champagne 
 that we drank, not the quantity but the 
 quality! Well, it was Pol Roger, '84, and 
 quite good enough for me; but even so it 
 was not more dry, nor did it sparkle more, 
 than the merry rascal who had dragged 
 me thus far to the devil, but should lead me 
 dancing the rest of the way. I was begin- 
 ning to tell him so. I had done my honest 
 best since my reappearance in the world; 
 but the world had done its worst by me. A 
 further antithesis and my final intention 
 were both upon my tongue when the waiter 
 with the Chateau Margaux cut me short; 
 for he was the bearer of more than that 
 great wine; bringing also a card upon a 
 silver tray. 
 " Show him up," said Raffles, laconically. 
 30 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 " And who is this ? " I cried when the 
 man was gone. Raffles reached across the 
 table and gripped my arm in his vice. His 
 eyes were steel points fixed on mine. 
 
 " Bunny, stand by me," said he in the old 
 irresistible voice, a voice both stern and 
 winning. " Stand by me, Bunny — if there's 
 a row ! " 
 
 And there was time for nothing more, the 
 door flying open, and a dapper person en- 
 tering with a bow ; a frock-coat on his back, 
 gold pince-nez on his nose ; a shiny hat in 
 one hand, and a black bag in the other. 
 
 " Good-evening, gentlemen," said he, at 
 home and smiling. 
 
 " Sit down," drawled Raffles in casual 
 response. " Say, let me introduce you to 
 Mr. Ezra B. Martin, of Shicawgo. Mr. 
 Martin is my future brother-in-law. This 
 is Mr. Robinson, Ezra, manager to Sparks 
 & Company, the cellerbrated joolers on Re- 
 gent Street." 
 
 I pricked up my ears, but contented my- 
 self with a nod. I altogether distrusted my 
 ability to live up to my new name and ad- 
 dress. 
 
 3« 
 
Raffles 
 
 " I figured on Miss Martin bein' right 
 here, too," continued Raffles, " but I regret 
 to say she's not feelin' so good. We light 
 out for Parrus on the 9 a.m. train to-morrer 
 mornin', and she guessed she'd be too dead. 
 Sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Robinson; 
 but you'll see I'm advertisin' your wares." 
 
 Raffles held his right hand under the 
 electric light, and a diamond ring flashed 
 upon his little finger. I could have sworn 
 it was not there five minutes before. 
 
 The tradesman had a disappointed face, 
 but for a moment it brightened as he ex- 
 patiated on the value of that ring and on 
 the price his people had accepted for it. I 
 was invited to guess the figure, but I shook 
 a discreet head. I have seldom been more 
 taciturn in my life. 
 
 "Forty-five pounds," cried the jeweller; 
 " and it would be cheap at fifty guineas." 
 
 " That's right," assented Raffles. " That'd 
 be dead cheap, I allow. But then, my boy, 
 you gotten ready cash, and don't you for- 
 get it." 
 
 I do not dwell upon my own mystification 
 in all this. I merely pause to state that I 
 32 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 was keenly enjoying that very element. 
 Nothing could have been more typical of 
 Raffles and the past. It was only my own 
 attitude that was changed. 
 
 It appeared that the mythical lady, my 
 sister, had just become engaged to Raffles, 
 who seemed all anxiety to pin her down 
 with gifts of price. I could not quite gather 
 whose gift to whom was the diamond ring; 
 but it had evidently been paid for; and I 
 voyaged to the moon, wondering when and 
 how. I was recalled to this planet by a 
 deluge of gems from the jeweller's bag. 
 They lay alight in their cases like the elec- 
 tric lamps above. We all three put our 
 heads together over them, myself without 
 the slightest clue as to what was coming, 
 but not unprepared for violent crime. One 
 does not do eighteen months for nothing. 
 
 " Right away," Raffles was saying. 
 " We'll choose for her, and you'll change 
 anything she don't like. Is that the idea? " 
 
 " That was my suggestion, sir." 
 
 " Then come on, Ezra. I guess you know 
 Sadie's taste. You help me choose." 
 
 And we chose — lord ! What did we not 
 33 
 
Raffles 
 
 choose? There was her ring, a diamond 
 half-hoop. It cost £95, and there was no 
 attempt to get it for £90. Then there was 
 a diamond necklet — two hundred guineas 
 but pounds accepted. That was to be the 
 gift of the bridegroom. The wedding was 
 evidently imminent. It behoved me to 
 play a brotherly part. I therefore rose to 
 the occasion; calculated she would like a 
 diamond star (iii6), but reckoned it was 
 more than I could afford; and sustained a 
 vicious kick under the table for either verb. 
 I was afraid to open my mouth on finally 
 obtaining the star for the round hundred. 
 And then the fat fell in the fire; for 
 pay we could not; though a remittance 
 (said Raffles) was " overdo from Noo 
 York." 
 
 " But I don't know you, gentlemen," the 
 jeweller exclaimed. " I haven't even the 
 name of your hotel ! " 
 
 " I told you we was stoppin' with 
 friends," said Raffles, who was not angry, 
 though thwarted and crushed. " But that's 
 right, sir! Oh, that's dead right, and I'm 
 the last man to ask you to take Quixotic 
 34 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 risks. Vm tryin' to figure a way out. Yes, 
 sir, that's what Vm try in' to do." 
 
 " I wish you could, sir," the jeweller said, 
 with feeling, " It isn't as if we hadn't seen 
 the colour of your money. But certain rules 
 I am sworn to observe ; it isn't as if I was 
 in business for myself; and — you say you 
 start for Paris in the morning ! " 
 
 "On the 9 a.m. train," mused Raffles; 
 "and I've heard no-end yarns about the 
 joolers' stores in Parrus. But that ain't 
 fair ; don't you take no notice o' that. I'm 
 tryin' to figure a way out. Yes, sir! " 
 
 He was smoking cigarettes out of a 
 twenty-five box ; the tradesman and I had 
 cigars. Raffles sat frowning with a preg- 
 nant eye, and it was only too clear to me 
 that his plans had miscarried. I could not 
 help thinking, however, that they deserved 
 to do so, if he had counted upon buying 
 credit for all but £400 by a single payment 
 of some ten per cent. That again seemed 
 unworthy of Raffles, and I, for my part, 
 still sat prepared to spring any moment at 
 our visitor's throat. 
 
 "We could mail you the money from 
 35 
 
Raffles 
 
 Parrus," drawled Raffles at length. " But 
 how should we know you'd hold up your 
 end o± the string, and mail us the same ar- 
 ticles we've selected to-night ? " 
 
 The visitor stiffened in his chair. The 
 name of his firm should be sufficient guar- 
 antee for that. 
 
 " I guess I'm no better acquainted with 
 their name than they are with mine," re- 
 marked Raffles, laughing. " See here, 
 though! I got a scheme. You pack 'em 
 in this ! " 
 
 He turned the cigarettes out of the tin 
 box, while the jeweller and I joined won- 
 dering eyes. 
 
 " Pack 'em in this," repeated Raffles, '' the 
 three things we want, and never mind the 
 boxes; you can pack 'em in cotton-wool. 
 Then we'll ring for string and sealing wax, 
 seal up the lot right here, and you can take 
 'em away in your grip. Within three days 
 we'll have our remittance, and mail you the 
 money, and you'll mail us this darned box 
 with my seal unbroken! It's no use you 
 lookin' so sick, Mr. Jooler ; you won't trust 
 US any, and yet we're goin' to trust you 
 36 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 some. Ring the bell, Ezra, and we'll see 
 if theyVe gotten any sealing-wax and 
 string." 
 
 They had ; and the thing was done. The 
 tradesman did not like it; the precaution 
 was absolutely unnecessary; but since he 
 was taking all his goods away with him, 
 the sold with the unsold, his sentimental 
 objections soon fell to the ground. He 
 packed necklet, ring, and star, with his own 
 hands, in cotton-wool; and the cigarette- 
 box held them so easily that at the last mo- 
 ment, when the box was closed, and the 
 string ready, Raffles very nearly added a 
 diamond bee-brooch at £51 los. This temp- 
 tation, however, he ultimately overcame, to 
 the other's chagrin. The cigarette-box was 
 tied up, and the string sealed, oddly enough, 
 with the diamond of the ring that had been 
 bought and paid for. 
 
 " I'll chance you having another ring in 
 the store the dead spit of mine," laughed 
 Raffles, as he relinquished the box, and it dis- 
 appeared into the tradesman's bag. " And 
 now, Mr. Robinson, I hope you'll appreciate 
 my true hospitality in not offering you a^- 
 37 
 
Raffles 
 
 thing to drink while business was in prog- 
 ress. That's Chateau Margaux, sir, and I 
 should judge it's what you'd call an eigh- 
 teen-carat article/' 
 
 In the cab which we took to the vicinity 
 of the flat, I was instantly snubbed for 
 asking questions which the driver might 
 easily overhear, and I took the repulse just 
 a little to heart. I could make neither head 
 nor tail of Raffles's dealings with the man 
 from Regent Street, and was naturally in- 
 quisitive as to the meaning of it all. But 
 I held my tongue until we had regained the 
 flat in the cautious manner of our exit, and 
 even there until Raffles rallied me with a 
 hand on either shoulder and an old smile 
 upon his face. 
 
 " You rabbit ! " said he. " Why couldn't 
 you wait till we got home ? '* 
 
 "Why couldn't you tell me what you 
 were going to do?'* I retorted as of yore. 
 
 " Because your dear old phiz is still worth 
 its weight in innocence, and because you 
 never could act for nuts! You looked as 
 puzzled as the other poor devil; but you 
 wouldn't if you had known what my game 
 really was." 
 
 38 
 
No Sinecure 
 
 ** And pray what was it ? " 
 
 " That," said Raffles, and he smacked the 
 cigarette-box down upon the mantelpiece. 
 It was not tied. It was not sealed. It flew 
 open from the force of the impact. And 
 the diamond ring that cost £95, the necklet 
 for i200, and my flaming star at another 
 £100, all three lay safe and snug in the 
 jeweller's own cotton-wool ! 
 
 " Duplicate boxes 1 " I cried. 
 
 "Duplicate boxes, my brainy Bunny. 
 One was already packed, and weighted, and 
 in my pocket. I don't know whether you 
 noticed me weighing the three things to- 
 gether in my hand? I know that neither 
 of you saw me change the boxes, for I did 
 it when I was nearest buying the bee- 
 brooch at the end, and you were too puz- 
 zled, and the other Johnny too keen. It 
 was the cheapest shot in the game ; the dear 
 ones were sending old Theobald to South- 
 ampton on a fool's errand yesterday after- 
 noon, and showing one's own nose down 
 Regent Street in broad daylight while he 
 was gone ; but some things are worth pay- 
 ing for, and certain risks one must always 
 39 
 
Raffles 
 
 take. Nice boxes, aren't they? I only 
 wished they contained a better cigarette; 
 but a notorious brand was essential ; a box 
 of Sullivans would have brought me to life 
 to-morrow." 
 
 " But they oughtn't to open it to-mor- 
 row." 
 
 " Nor will they, as a matter of fact. 
 Meanwhile, Bunny, I may call upon you to 
 dispose of the boodle." 
 
 " I'm on for any mortal thing! " 
 
 My voice rang true, I swear, but it was 
 the way of Raffles to take the evidence of 
 as many senses as possible. I felt the cold 
 steel of his eye through mine and through 
 my brain. But what he saw seemed to 
 satisfy him no less than what he heard, for 
 his hand found my hand, and pressed it 
 with a fervour foreign to the man. 
 
 " I know you are, and I knew you would 
 be. Only remember, Bunny, it's my turn 
 next to pay the shot I " 
 
 You shall hear how he paid it when the 
 time came. 
 
 40 
 
A JUBILEE PRESENT 
 
 THE Room of Gold, in the British Mu- 
 seum, is probably well enough known 
 to the inquiring alien and the travelled 
 American. A true Londoner, however, I 
 myself had never heard of it until Raffles 
 casually proposed a raid. 
 
 " The older I grow. Bunny, the less I 
 think of your so-called precious stones. 
 When did they ever bring in half their 
 market value in £ s. d. ? There was the 
 first little crib we ever cracked together 
 < — you with your innocent eyes shut. A 
 thousand pounds that stuff was worth ; but 
 how many hundreds did it actually fetch? 
 The Ardagh emeralds weren't much better ; 
 old Lady Melrose's necklace was far worse ; 
 but that little lot the other night has about 
 finished me. A cool hundred for goods 
 priced well over four ; and £35 to come off 
 for bait, since we only got a tenner for the 
 41 
 
Raffles 
 
 ring I bought and paid for like an ass. I'll 
 be shot if I ever touch a diamond again! 
 Not if it was the Koh-i-noor; those few 
 whacking stones are too well known, and 
 to cut them up is to decrease their value 
 by arithmetical retrogression. Besides, that 
 brings you up against the Fence once more, 
 and Fm done with the beggars for good 
 and all. You talk about your editors and 
 publishers, you literary swine. Barabbas 
 was neither a robber nor a publisher, but 
 a six-barred, barbed, wired, spike-topped 
 Fence. What we really want is an Incor- 
 porated Society of Thieves, with some pub- 
 lic-spirited old forger to run it for us on 
 business lines." 
 
 Raffles uttered these blasphemies under 
 his breath, not, I am afraid, out of any 
 respect for my one redeeming profession, 
 but because we were taking a midnight air- 
 ing on the roof, after a whole day of June 
 in the little flat below. The stars shone 
 overhead, the lights of London underneath, 
 and between the lips of Raffles a cigarette 
 of the old and only brand. I had sent in 
 secret for a box of the best ; the boon had 
 4» 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 arrived that night; and the foregoing 
 speech was the first result. I could afford 
 to ignore the insolent asides, however, 
 where the apparent contention was so mani- 
 festly unsound. 
 
 " And how are you going to get rid of 
 your gold ? " said I, pertinently. 
 
 " Nothing easier, my dear rabbit." 
 
 " Is your Room of Gold a roomful of 
 sovereigns ? " 
 
 Raffles laughed softly at my scorn. 
 
 " No, Bunny, it's principally in the shape 
 of archaic ornaments, whose value, I admit, 
 is largely extrinsic. But gold is gold, from 
 Phoenicia to Klondike, and if we cleared 
 the room we should eventually do very 
 well." 
 
 "How?" 
 
 " I should melt it down into a nugget, 
 and bring it home from the U.S.A. to- 
 morrow." 
 
 "And then?" 
 
 " Make them pay up in hard cash across 
 the counter of the Bank of England. And 
 you can make them." 
 
 That I knew, and so said nothing for a 
 43 
 
Raffles 
 
 time, remaining a hostile though a silent 
 critic, while we paced the cool black leads 
 with our bare feet, softly as cats. 
 
 " And how do you propose to get enough 
 away," at length I asked, " to make it worth 
 while?" 
 
 "Ah, there you have it," said Raffles. 
 ** I only propose to reconnoitre the ground, 
 to see what we can see. We might find 
 some hiding-place for a night; that, I am 
 afraid, would be our only chance." 
 
 " Have you ever been there before ? " 
 
 " Not since they got the one good, port- 
 able piece which I believe that they exhibit 
 now. It's a long time since I read of it — 
 I can't remember where — but I know they 
 have got a gold cup of sorts worth several 
 thousands. A number of the immorally 
 rich clubbed together and presented it to 
 the nation; and two of the richly immoral 
 intend to snaffle it for themselves. At any 
 rate we might go and have a look at it. 
 Bunny, don't you think ? " 
 
 Think ! I seized his arm. 
 
 "When? When? When?" I asked, 
 like a quick-firing gun. 
 44 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 " The sooner the better, while old Theo- 
 bald's away on his honeymoon." 
 
 Our medico had married the week before, 
 nor was any fellow-practitioner taking his 
 work — at least not that considerable branch 
 of it which consisted of Raffles — during his 
 brief absence from town. There were rea- 
 sons, delightfully obvious to us, why such 
 a plan would have been highly unwise in 
 Dr. Theobald. I, however, was sending 
 him daily screeds, and both matutinal and 
 nocturnal telegrams, the composition of 
 which afforded Raffles not a little enjoy- 
 ment. 
 
 "Well, then, when — when?'* I began to 
 repeat. 
 
 " To-morrow, if you like." 
 
 "Only to look?" 
 
 The limitation was my one regret. 
 
 " We must do so, Bunny, before we leap." 
 
 " Very well," I sighed. " But to-morrow 
 it is!" 
 
 And the morrow it really was. 
 
 I saw the porter that night, and, I still 
 think, bought his absolute allegiance for the 
 second coin of the realm. My story, how- 
 45 
 
Raffles 
 
 2ver, invented by Raffles, was sufficiently 
 specious in itself. That sick gentleman, 
 Mr. Maturin (as I had to remember to call 
 him), was really, or apparently, sickening 
 for fresh air. Dr. Theobald would allow 
 him none; he was pestering me for just 
 one day in the country while the glorious 
 weather lasted. I was myself convinced 
 that no possible harm could come of the ex- 
 periment. Would the porter help me in so 
 innocent and meritorious an intrigue ? The 
 man hesitated. I produced my half-sove- 
 reign. The man was lost. And at half-past 
 eight next morning — before the heat of the 
 day — Raffles and I drove to Kew Gardens 
 in a hired landau which was to call for us 
 at mid-day and wait until we came. The 
 porter had assisted me to carry my invalid 
 downstairs, in a carrying-chair hired (like 
 the landau) from Harrod's Stores for the 
 occasion. 
 
 It was little after nine when we crawled 
 together into the gardens; by half-past my 
 invalid had had enough, and out he tottered 
 on my arm ; a cab, a message to our coach- 
 man, a timely train to Baker Street, another 
 46 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 cab, and we were at the British Museum — 
 brisk pedestrians now — not very many min- 
 utes after the opening hour of lo a.m. 
 
 It was one of those glowing days which 
 will not be forgotten by many who were in 
 town at the time. The Diamond Jubilee 
 was upon us, and Queen's weather had al- 
 ready set in. Raffles, indeed, declared it 
 was as hot as Italy and Australia put to- 
 gether; and certainly the short summer 
 nights gave the channels of wood and as- 
 phalt and the continents of brick and mortar 
 but little time to cool. At the British Mu- 
 seum the pigeons were crooning among the 
 shadows of the grimy colonnade, and the 
 stalwart janitors looked less stalwart than 
 usual, as though their medals were too heavy 
 for them. I recognised some habitual Read- 
 ers going to their labour underneath the 
 dome; of mere visitors we seemed among 
 the first. 
 
 " That's the room," said Raffles, who had 
 bought the two-penny guide, as we studied 
 it openly on the nearest bench ; " number 
 43, upstairs and sharp round to the right. 
 Come on, Bunny ! " 
 
 47 
 
Raffles 
 
 And he led the way in silence, but with 
 a long methodical stride which I could not 
 understand until we came to the corridor 
 leading to the Room of Gold, when he 
 turned to me for a moment. 
 
 *'A hundred and thirty-nine yards from 
 this to the open street," said Raffles, " not 
 counting the stairs. I suppose we could do 
 .t in twenty seconds, but if we did we should 
 have to jump the gates. No, you must re- 
 member to loaf out at slow march, Bunny, 
 whether you like it or not." 
 
 " But you talked about a hiding-place for 
 a night?" 
 
 " Quite so — for all night. We should 
 have to get back, go on lying low, and 
 saunter out with the crowd next day — after 
 doing the whole show thoroughly." 
 
 " What ! With gold in our pockets " 
 
 " And gold in our boots, and gold up the 
 sleeves and legs of our suits! You leave 
 that to me, Bunny, and wait till youVe tried 
 two pairs of trousers sewn together at the 
 foot! This is only a preliminary recon- 
 noitre. And here we are." 
 
 It is none of my business to describe the 
 48 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 so-called Room of Gold, with which I, for 
 one, was not a little disappointed. The 
 glass cases, which both fill and line it, may 
 contain unique examples of the goldsmith's 
 art in times and places of which one heard 
 quite enough in the course of one's classical 
 education ; but, from a professional point 
 of view, I would as lief have the ransacking 
 of a single window in the West End as the 
 pick of all those spoils of Etruria and of 
 ancient Greece. The gold may not be so 
 soft as it appears, but it certainly looks as 
 though you could bite off the business ends 
 of the spoons, and stop your own teeth in 
 doing so. Nor should I care to be seen 
 wearing one of the rings ; but the greatest 
 fraud of all (from the aforesaid standpoint) 
 is assuredly that very cup of which Raffles 
 had spoken. Moreover, he felt this him- 
 self. 
 
 "Why, it's as thin as paper," said he, 
 " and enamelled like a middle-aged lady of 
 quality ! But, by Jove, it's one of the most 
 beautiful things I ever saw in my life, 
 Bunny. I should like to have it for its own 
 Bake, by all my gods ! " 
 49 
 
Raffles 
 
 The thing had a little square case of 
 plate-glass all to itself at one end of the 
 room. It may have been the thing of 
 beauty that Raffles affected to consider it, 
 but I for my part was in no mood to look 
 at it in that light. Underneath were the 
 names of the plutocrats who had subscribed 
 for this national gewgaw, and I fell to won- 
 dering where their i8,ooo came in, while 
 Raffles devoured his two-penny guide-book 
 as greedily as a school-girl with a zeal for 
 culture. 
 
 " Those are scenes from the martyrdom 
 of St. Agnes," said he ..." ' translu- 
 cent on relief . . . one of the finest 
 specimens of its kind.* I should think it 
 was ! Bunny, you Philistine, why can't you 
 admire the thing for its own sake? It 
 would be worth having only to live up to! 
 There never was such rich enamelling on 
 such thin gold; and what a good scheme 
 to hang the lid up over it, so that you can 
 see how thin it is. I wonder if we could 
 lift it. Bunny, by hook or crook?" 
 
 " You'd better try, sir," said a dry voice 
 at his elbow. 
 
 50 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 The madman seemed to think we had the 
 room to ourselves. I knew better, but, like 
 another madman, had let him ramble on 
 unchecked. And here was a stolid constable 
 confronting us, in the short tunic that they 
 wear in summer, his whistle on its chain, 
 but no truncheon at his side. Heavens! 
 how I see him now : a man of medium size, 
 with a broad, good-humoured, perspiring 
 face, and a limp moustache. He looked 
 sternly at Raffles, and Raffles looked merrily 
 at him. 
 
 *' Going to run me in, officer ? " said he. 
 " That would be a joke — ^my hat ! " 
 
 " I didn't say as I was, sir," replied the 
 policeman. *' But that's queer talk for a 
 gentleman like you, sir, in the British Mu- 
 seum ! " And he wagged his helmet at my 
 invalid, who had taken his airing in frock- 
 coat and top-hat, the more readily to as- 
 sume his present part. 
 
 " What ! " cried Raffles, " simply saying 
 to my friend that Fd like to lift the gold 
 cup ? Why, so I should, officer, so I should I 
 I don't mind who hears me say so. It's 
 one of the most beautiful things I ey^r saw 
 in all my life." 
 
 5« 
 
Raffles 
 
 The constable's face had already relaxed, 
 and now a grin peeped under the limp mous- 
 tache. " I daresay there's many as feels 
 like that, sir," said he. 
 
 " Exactly ; and I say what I feel, that's 
 all," said Raffles airily. " But seriously, 
 officer, is a valuable thing like this quite 
 safe in a case like that ? " 
 
 " Safe enough as long as I'm here," re- 
 plied the other, between grim jest and stout 
 earnest. Raffles studied his face; he was 
 still watching Raffles; and I kept an eye 
 on them both without putting in my word. 
 
 " You appear to be single-handed," ob- 
 served Raffles. " Is that wise? " 
 
 The note of anxiety was capitally caught ; 
 it was at once personal and public-spirited, 
 that of the enthusiastic savant, afraid for a 
 national treasure which few appreciated as 
 he did himself. And, to be sure, the three 
 of us now had this treasury to ourselves; 
 one or two others had been there when we 
 entered; but now they were gone. 
 
 " I'm not single-handed," said the officer, 
 comfortably. " See that seat by the door ? 
 One of the attendants sits there all day 
 long." 
 
 5« 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 ** Then where is he now ? " 
 
 " Talking to another attendant just out- 
 side. If you listen you'll hear them for 
 yourself." 
 
 We listened, and we did hear them, but 
 not just outside. In my own mind I even 
 questioned whether they were in the cor- 
 ridor through which we had come; to me 
 it sounded as though they were just out- 
 side the corridor. 
 
 " You mean the fellow with the billiard- 
 cue who was here when we came in ? '* pur- 
 sued Raffles. 
 
 "That wasn't a billiard-cue! It was a 
 pointer," the intelligent officer explained. 
 
 " It ought to be a javeHn," said Raffles, 
 nervously. " It ought to be a poleaxe ! 
 The public treasure ought to be better 
 guarded than this. I shall write to the 
 Times about it — you see if I don't ! " 
 
 All at once, yet somehow not so suddenly 
 as to excite suspicion, Raffles had become 
 the elderly busybody with nerves; why, I 
 could not for the life of me imagine; and 
 the policeman seemed equally at sea. 
 
 " Lor' bless you, sir," said he, " I'm all 
 53 
 
Raffles 
 
 right; don*t you bother your head about 
 mer 
 
 " But you haven't even got a truncheon ! " 
 
 " Not likely to want one either. You 
 see, sir, it's early as yet; in a few minutes 
 these here rooms will fill up; and there's 
 safety in numbers, as they say." 
 
 *' Oh, it will fill up soon, will it? " 
 
 " Any minute now, sir." 
 
 "Ah!" 
 
 " It isn't often empty as long as this, sir. 
 It's the Jubilee, I suppose." 
 
 " Meanwhile, what if my friend and I had 
 been professional thieves? Why, we could 
 have overpowered you in an instant, my 
 good fellow ! " 
 
 < " That you couldn't ; leastways, not with- 
 out bringing the whole place about your 
 ears." 
 
 " Well, I shall write to the Times all the 
 same. I'm a connoisseur in all this sort of 
 thing, and I won't have unnecessary risks 
 run with the nation's property. You said 
 there was an attendant just outside, but he 
 sounds to me as though he were at the 
 other end of the corridor. I shall write 
 to-day!" 
 
 54 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 For an instant we all three listened ; and 
 Raffles was right. Then I saw two things 
 in one glance. Raffles had stepped a few 
 inches backward, and stood poised upon the 
 ball of each foot, his arms half raised, a 
 light in his eyes. And another kind of light 
 was breaking over the crass features of our 
 friend the constable. 
 
 " Then shall I tell you what I'll do? " he 
 cried, with a sudden clutch at the whistle- 
 chain on his chest. The whistle flew out, 
 but it never reached his lips. There were 
 a couple of sharp smacks, like double bar- 
 rels discharged all but simultaneously, and 
 the man reeled against me so that I could 
 not help catching him as he fell. 
 
 " Well done. Bunny ! I've knocked him 
 out — I've knocked him out! Run you to 
 the door and see if the attendants have 
 heard anything, and take them on if they 
 have." 
 
 Mechanically I did as I was told. There 
 was no time for thought, still less for remon- 
 strance or reproach, though my surprise 
 must have been even more complete than 
 that of the constable before Raffles knocked 
 55 
 
Raffles 
 
 the sense out of him. Even in my utter 
 bewilderment, however, the instinctive cau- 
 tion of the real criminal did not desert me. 
 I ran to the door, but I sauntered through 
 it, to plant myself before a Pompeiian fresco 
 in the corridor; and there were the two 
 attendants still gossiping outside the fur- 
 ther door ; nor did they hear the dull crash 
 which I heard even as I watched them out 
 of the corner of each eye. 
 
 It was hot weather, as I have said, but 
 the perspiration on my body seemed already 
 to have turned into a skin of ice. Then I 
 caught the faint reflection of my own face 
 in the casing of the fresco, and it fright- 
 ened me into some semblance of myself as 
 Raffles joined me with his hands in his 
 pockets. But my fear and indignation were 
 redoubled at the sight of him, when a single 
 glance convinced me that his pockets were 
 as empty as his hands, and his mad outrage 
 the most wanton and reckless of his whole 
 career. 
 
 *' Ah, very interesting, very interesting, 
 but nothing to what they have in the mu- 
 seum at Naples or in Pompeii itself. You 
 56 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 must go there some day, Bunny. I've a 
 good mind to take you myself. Meanwhile 
 — slow march! The beggar hasn't moved 
 an eyelid. We may swing for him if you 
 show indecent haste ! " 
 
 "We!" I whispered. "We!" 
 
 And my knees knocked together as we 
 came up to the chatting attendants. But 
 Raffles must needs interrupt them to ask 
 the way to the Prehistoric Saloon. 
 
 " At the top of the stairs." 
 
 " Thank you. Then we'll work round 
 that way to the Egyptian part." 
 
 And we left them resuming their provi- 
 dential chat. 
 
 " I believe you're mad," I said bitterly 
 as we went. 
 
 " I believe I was J' admitted Raffles ; 
 " but I'm not now, and I'll see you through. 
 A hundred and thirty-nine yards, wasn't it ? 
 Then it can't be more than a hundred and 
 twenty now — not as much. Steady, Bunny, 
 for God's sake. It's slow march — for our 
 lives." 
 
 There was this much management. The 
 rest was our colossal luck. A hansom 3va§ 
 57 
 
Raffles 
 
 being paid off at the foot of the steps out- 
 side, and in we jumped, Raffles shouting 
 " Charing Cross ! " for all Bloomsbury to 
 hear. 
 
 We had turned into Bloomsbury Street 
 without exchanging a syllable when he 
 struck the trap-door with his fist. 
 
 " Where the devil are you driving us ? " 
 
 ** Charing Cross, sir." 
 
 " I said King's Cross ! Round you spin, 
 and drive like blazes, or we miss our train ! 
 There's one to York at 10.35," added Raf- 
 fles as the trap-door slammed ; " we'll book 
 there. Bunny, and then we'll slope through 
 the subway to the Metropolitan, and so to 
 ground via Baker Street and Earl's Court." 
 
 And actually in half an hour he was 
 seated once more in the hired carrying chair, 
 while the porter and I staggered upstairs 
 with my decrepit charge, for whose shat- 
 tered strength even one hour in Kew Gar- 
 dens had proved too much ! Then, and not 
 until then, when we had got rid of the 
 porter and were alone at last, did I tell 
 Raffles, in the most nervous English at 
 my command, frankly and exactly what I 
 58 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 thought of him and of his latest deed. Once 
 started, moreover, I spoke as I have seldom 
 spoken to living man; and Raffles, of all 
 men, stood my abuse without a murmur; 
 or rather he sat it out, too astounded even 
 to take off his hat, though I thought his 
 eyebrows would have lifted it from his head. 
 
 " But it always was your infernal way," 
 I was savagely concluding. " You make 
 one plan, and you tell me another " 
 
 " Not to-day, Bunny, I swear ! " 
 
 " You mean to tell me you really did 
 start with the bare idea of finding a place 
 to hide in for a night ? " 
 
 " Of course I did." 
 
 " It was to be the mere reconnoitre you 
 pretended ? " 
 
 " There was no pretence about it, Bunny." 
 
 ** Then why on earth go and do what 
 you did?" 
 
 " The reason would be obvious to anyone 
 but you," said Raffles, still with no unkindly 
 scorn. " It was the temptation of a min- 
 ute — the final impulse of the fraction of a 
 second, when Roberto saw that I was 
 tempted, and let me see that he saw it. It's 
 59 
 
Raffles 
 
 not a thing I care to do, and I shan't be 
 happy till the papers tell me the poor devil 
 is alive. But a knock-out shot was the only 
 chance for us then." 
 
 " Why ? You don't get run in for being 
 tempted, nor yet for showing that you are ! " 
 
 " But I should have deserved running in 
 if I hadn't yielded to such a temptation as 
 that, Bunny. It was a chance in a hundred 
 thousand! We might go there every day 
 of our lives, and never again be the only 
 outsiders in the room, with the billiard- 
 marking Johnnie practically out of earshot 
 at one and the same time. It was a gift 
 from the gods ; not to have taken it would 
 have been flying in the face of Providence." 
 
 " But you didn't take it," said I. " You 
 went and left it behind." 
 
 I wish I had had a Kodak for the little 
 smile with which Raffles shook his head, 
 for it was one that he kept for those great 
 moments of which our vocation is not de- 
 void. All this time he had been wearing 
 his hat, tilted a little over eyebrows no 
 longer raised. And now at last I knew 
 where the gold cup was. 
 60 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 It stood for days upon his chimney-piece, 
 this costly trophy whose ancient history and 
 final fate filled newspaper columns even in 
 these days of Jubilee, and for which the 
 flower of Scotland Yard was said to be 
 seeking high and low. Our constable, we 
 learnt, had been stunned only, and, from 
 the moment that I brought him an evening 
 paper with the news, Raffles's spirits rose 
 to a height inconsistent with his equable 
 temperament, and as unusual in him as the 
 sudden impulse upon which he had acted 
 with such effect. The cup itself appealed 
 to me no more than it had done before. 
 Exquisite it might be, handsome it was, but 
 so light in the hand that the mere gold of 
 it would scarcely have poured three figures 
 out of melting-pot. And what said Raffles 
 but that he would never melt it at all ! 
 
 " Taking it was an offence against the 
 laws of the land, Bunny. That is nothing. 
 But destroying it would be a crime against 
 God and Art, and may I be spitted on the 
 vane of St. Mary Abbot's if I commit it ! " 
 
 Talk such as this was unanswerable; in- 
 deed, the whole affair had passed the pale 
 6i 
 
Raffles 
 
 of useful comment ; and the one course left 
 to a practical person was to shrug his shoul- 
 ders and enjoy the joke. This was not a 
 little enhanced by the newspaper reports, 
 which described Raffles as a handsome 
 youth, and his unwilling accomplice as an 
 older man of blackguardly appearance and 
 low type. 
 
 " Hits us both off rather neatly. Bunny,'* 
 said he. *' But what they none of them do 
 justice to is my dear cup. Look at it ; only 
 look at it, man ! Was ever anything so rich 
 and yet so chaste? St. Agnes must have 
 had a pretty bad time, but it would be al- 
 most worth it to go down to posterity in 
 such enamel upon such gold. And then the 
 history of the thing. Do you realise that 
 it's five hundred years old and has belonged 
 to Henry the Eighth and to Elizabeth among 
 others? Bunny, when you have me cre- 
 mated, you can put my ashes in yonder cup, 
 and lay us in the deep-delved earth to- 
 gether ! " 
 
 " And meanwhile ? " 
 
 " It is the joy of my heart, the light of 
 my life, the delight of mine eye." 
 62 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 " And suppose other eyes catch sight of 
 
 it?" 
 
 " They never must ; they never shall." 
 
 Raffles would have been too absurd had 
 he not been thoroughly alive to his own ab- 
 surdity; there was nevertheless an under- 
 lying sincerity in his appreciation of any 
 and every form of beauty, which all his 
 nonsense could not conceal. And his in- 
 fatuation for the cup was, as he declared, 
 a very pure passion, since the circumstances 
 debarred him from the chief joy of the 
 average collector, that of showing his treas- 
 ure to his friends. At last, however, and at 
 the height of his craze. Raffles and reason 
 seemed to come together again as suddenly 
 as they had parted company in the Room 
 of Gold. 
 
 " Bunny," he cried, flinging his news- 
 paper across the room, " I've got an idea 
 after your own heart. I know where I can 
 place it after all ! " 
 
 " Do you mean the cup ? " 
 
 " I do." 
 
 " Then I congratulate you." 
 
 " Thanks." 
 
 63 
 
Raffles 
 
 " Upon the recovery of your senses." 
 
 " Thanks galore. But you've been con- 
 foundedly unsympathetic about this thing, 
 Bunny, and I don't think I shall tell you 
 my scheme till I've carried it out.'* 
 
 " Quite time enough," said I. 
 
 " It will mean your letting me loose for 
 an hour or two under cloud of this very 
 night. To-morrow's Sunday, the Jubilee's 
 on Tuesday, and old Theobald's coming 
 back for it." 
 
 " It doesn't much matter whether he's 
 back or not if you go late enough.'* 
 
 " I mustn't be late. They don't keep 
 open. No, it's no use your asking any 
 questions. Go out and buy me a big box 
 of Huntley & Palmer's biscuits; any sort 
 you like, only they must be theirs, and ab- 
 solutely the biggest box they sell." 
 
 " My dear man ! " 
 
 " No questions, Bunny ; you do your part 
 and I'll do mine." 
 
 Subtlety and success were in his face. It 
 
 was enough for me, and I had done his 
 
 extraordinary bidding within a quarter of 
 
 an hour. In another minute Raffles had 
 
 64 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 opened the box and tumbled all the biscuits 
 into the nearest chair. 
 
 " Now newspapers ! " 
 
 I fetched a pile. He bid the cup of gold 
 a ridiculous farewell, wrapped it up in news- 
 paper after newspaper, and finally packed 
 it in the empty biscuit-box. 
 
 " Now some brown paper. I don't want 
 to be taken for the grocer's young man." 
 
 A neat enough parcel it m^ade, when the 
 string had been tied and the ends cut close ; 
 what was more difficult was to wrap up 
 Raffles himself in such a way that even the 
 porter should not recognise him if they 
 came face to face at the corner. And the 
 sun was still up. But Raffles would go, and 
 when he did I should not have known him 
 myself. 
 
 He may have been an hour away. It was 
 barely dusk when he returned, and my first 
 question referred to our dangerous ally, the 
 porter. Raffles had passed him unsuspected 
 in going, but had managed to avoid him 
 altogether on the return journey, which he 
 had completed by way of the other entrance 
 and the roof. I breathed again. 
 65 
 
Raffles 
 
 " And what have you done with the cup ? " 
 
 " Placed it ! " 
 
 "How much for? How much for?'* 
 
 " Let me think. I had a couple of cabs, 
 and the postage was a tanner, with another 
 twopence for registration. Yes, it cost me 
 exactly five-and-eight." 
 
 " It cost you? But what did you get for 
 it, Raffles?" 
 
 " Nothing, my boy." 
 
 "Nothing!" 
 
 " Not a crimson cent." 
 
 " I am not surprised. I never thought it 
 had a market value. I told you so in the 
 beginning," I said, irritably. " But what 
 on earth have you done with the thing ? " 
 
 " Sent it to the Queen." 
 
 " You haven't ! " 
 
 Rogue is a word with various meanings, 
 and Raffles had been one sort of rogue ever 
 since I had known him ; but now, for once, 
 he was the innocent variety, a great gray- 
 haired child, running over with merriment 
 and mischief. 
 
 " Well, I've sent it to Sir Arthur Bigge, 
 to present to her Majesty, with the loyal 
 66 
 
A Jubilee Present 
 
 respects of the thief, if that will do for 
 you," said Raffles. " I thought they might 
 take too much stock of me at the G.P.O. 
 if I addressed it to the Sovereign herself. 
 Yes, I drove over to St. Martin's-le-Grand 
 with it, and I registered the box into the 
 bargain. Do a thing properly if you do 
 it at all." 
 
 ** But why on earth," I groaned, " do such 
 a thing at all?" 
 
 " My dear Bunny, we have been reigned 
 over for sixty years by infinitely the finest 
 monarch the world has ever seen. The 
 world is taking the present opportunity of 
 signifying the fact for all it is worth. 
 Every nation is laying of its best at her 
 royal feet; every class in the community is 
 doing its little level — except ours. All I 
 have done is to remove one reproach from 
 our fraternity." 
 
 At this I came round, was infected with 
 his spirit, called him the sportsman he al- 
 ways was and would be, and shook his dare- 
 devil hand in mine; but, at the same time, 
 I still had my qualms. 
 
 " Supposing they trace it to us ? " said I. 
 67 
 
Raffles 
 
 " There^s not much to catch hold of in 
 a biscuit-bo: 1 y Huntley & Palmer," re- 
 plied Raffles ; " that was why I sent you 
 for one. And I didn't write a word upon 
 a sheet of paper which could possibly be 
 traced. I simply printed two or three on 
 a virginal post-card — another half -penny to 
 the bad — which might have been bought at 
 any post-office in the kingdom. No, old 
 chap, the G.P.O. was the one real danger; 
 there was one detective I spotted for my- 
 self ; and the sight of him has left me with 
 a thirst. Whisky and Sullivans for two, 
 Bunny, if you please." 
 
 Raffles was soon clinking his glass against 
 mine. 
 
 "The Queen," said he. "God bless 
 her!" 
 
 68 
 
THE FATE OF FAUSTINA 
 
 " Mar— ga— ri, 
 
 e perzo a Salvatore ! 
 Mar — ga — ri, 
 
 Ma Tommo e cacciatore ! 
 Mar— ga— ri, 
 
 Nun ce aje corpa tu ! 
 Chello ch' t fatto, e fatto, un ne parlammo cchieu ! " 
 
 A PIANO-ORGAN was pouring the 
 metallic music through our open win- 
 dows, while a voice of brass brayed the 
 words, which I have since obtained, and 
 print above for identification by such as 
 know their Italy better than I. They will 
 not thank me for reminding them of a tune 
 so lately epidemic in that land of aloes and 
 blue skies ; but at least it is unlikely to run 
 in their heads as the ribald accompaniment 
 to a tragedy ; and it does in mine. 
 
 It was in the early heat of August, and 
 the hour that of the lawful and necessary 
 siesta for such as turn night into day. I 
 69 
 
Raffles 
 
 was therefore shutting my window in a 
 rage, and wondering whether I should not 
 do the same for Raffles, when he appeared 
 in the silk pajamas to which the chronic 
 solicitude of Dr. Theobald confined him 
 from morning to night. 
 
 " Don't do that, Bunny," said he. " I 
 rather like that thing, and want to listen. 
 What sort of fellows are they to look at, 
 by the way ? " 
 
 I put my head out to see, it being a 
 primary rule of our quaint establishment 
 that Raffles must never show himself at any 
 of the windows. I remember now how hot 
 the sill was to my elbows, as I leant upon 
 it and looked down, in order to satisfy a 
 curiosity in which I could see no point. 
 
 ** Dirty-looking beggars," said I over my 
 shoulder : " dark as dark ; blue chins, ole- 
 aginous curls, and ear-rings; ragged as 
 they make them, but nothing picturesque in 
 their rags." 
 
 ** Neapolitans all over," murmured Raf- 
 fles behind me ; " and that's a characteristic 
 touch, the one fellow singing while the other 
 grinds; they always have that out there." 
 70 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 " He's rather a fine chap, the singer," 
 said I, as the song ended, " My hat, what 
 teeth ! He's looking up here, and grinning 
 all round his head ; shall I chuck them any- 
 thing? " 
 
 " Well, I have no reason to love the 
 Neapolitans ; but it takes me back — it takes 
 me back ! Yes, here you are, one each." 
 
 It was a couple of half-crowns that Raf- 
 fles put into my hand, but I had thrown 
 them into the street for pennies before I saw 
 what they were. Thereupon I left the Ital- 
 ians bowing to the mud, as well they might, 
 and I turned to protest against such wan- 
 ton waste. But Raffles was walking up and 
 down, his head bent, his eyes troubled ; and 
 his one excuse disarmed remonsirance. 
 
 " They took me back," he repeated. ** My 
 God, how they took me back ! " 
 
 Suddenly he stopped in his stride. 
 
 " You don't understand. Bunny, old chap ; 
 but if you like you shall. I always meant 
 to tell you some day, but never felt worked 
 up to it before, and it's not the kind of thing 
 one talks about for talking's sake. It isn't 
 a nursery story, Bunny, and there isn't a 
 71 
 
Raffles 
 
 laugh in it from start to finish ; on the con- 
 trary, you have often asked me what turned 
 my hair grey, and now you are going to 
 hear." 
 
 This was promising, but Raffles's manner 
 was something more. It was unique in my 
 memory of the man. His fine face softened 
 and set hard by turns. I never knew it so 
 hard. I never knew it so soft. And the 
 same might be said of his voice, now ten- 
 der as any woman's, now flying to the 
 other extreme of equally unwonted ferocity. 
 But this was toward the end of his tale; 
 the beginning he treated characteristically 
 enough, though I could have wished for a 
 less cavalier account of the island of Elba, 
 where, upon his own showing, he had met 
 with much humanity. 
 
 " Deadly, my dear Bunny, is not the 
 word for that glorified snag, or for the 
 mollusks its inhabitants. But they started 
 by wounding my vanity, so perhaps I am 
 prejudiced after all. I sprung myself upon 
 them as a ship-wrecked sailor — a sole sur- 
 vivor — stripped in the sea and landed with- 
 out a stitch — yet they took no more interest 
 72 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 in me than you do in ItaHan organ-grind- 
 ers. They were decent enough. I didn't 
 have to pick and steal for a square meal and 
 a pair of trousers ; it would have been more 
 exciting if I had. But what a place ! Na- 
 poleon couldn't stand it, you remember, but 
 he held on longer than I did. I put in a 
 few weeks in their infernal mines, simply 
 to pick up a smattering of Italian ; then got 
 across to the mainland in a little wooden 
 timber-tramp; and ungratefully glad I was 
 to leave Elba blazing in just such another 
 sunset as the one you won't forget. 
 
 *' The tramp was bound for Naples, but 
 firstcit touched at Baiae, where I carefully 
 deserted in the night. There are too many 
 English in Naples itself, though I thought 
 it would make a first happy hunting-ground 
 when I knew the language better and had 
 altered myself a bit more. Meanwhile I got 
 a billet of several sorts on one of the loveli- 
 est spots that ever I struck on all my trav- 
 els. The place was a vineyard, but it over- 
 hung the sea, and I got taken on as tame 
 sailorman and emergency bottle-washer. 
 The wages were the noble figure of a lira 
 73 
 
Raffles 
 
 and a half, which is just over a bob, a day, 
 but there were lashings of sound wine for 
 one and all, and better wine to bathe in. 
 And for eight whole months, my boy, I was 
 an absolutely honest man. The luxury of 
 it. Bunny ! I out-heroded Herod, wouldn't 
 touch a grape, and went in the most delicious 
 danger of being knifed for my principles by 
 the thieving crew I had joined. 
 
 " It was the kind of place where every 
 prospect pleases — and all the rest of it — 
 especially all the rest. But may I see it in 
 my dreams till I die — as it was in the be- 
 ginning — before anything began to happen. 
 It was a wedge of rock sticking out into the 
 bay, thatched with vines, and with the rum- 
 miest old house on the very edge of all, a 
 devil of a height above the sea : you might 
 have sat at the windows and dropped your 
 Sullivan-ends plumb into blue water a hun- 
 dred and fifty feet below. 
 
 " From the garden behind the house — 
 such a garden, Bunny — oleanders and mi- 
 mosa, myrtles, rosemary, and red tangles 
 of fiery untamed flowers — in a corner of this 
 garden was the top of a subterranean stair 
 74 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 down to the sea ; at least there were nearly 
 two hundred steps tunnelled through the 
 solid rock; then an iron gate, and another 
 eighty steps in the open air; and last of 
 all a cave fit for pirates a-penny-plain-and- 
 twopence-coloured. This cave gave upon 
 the sweetest little thing in coves, all deep 
 blue water and honest rocks; and here I 
 looked after the vineyard shipping, a pot- 
 bellied tub with a brown sail, and a sort of 
 dingy. The tub took the wine to Naples, 
 and the dingy was the tub's tender. 
 
 " The house above was said to be on the 
 identical site of a suburban retreat of the 
 admirable Tiberius; there was the old sin- 
 ner's private theatre with the tiers cut clean 
 to this day, the well where he used to fatten 
 his lampreys on his slaves, and a ruined 
 temple of those ripping old Roman bricks, 
 shallow as dominos and ruddier than the 
 cherry. I never was much of an antiquary, 
 but I could have become one there if I'd 
 had nothing else to do ; but I had lots. 
 When I wasn't busy with the boats I had 
 to trim the vines, or gather the grapes, or 
 even help make the wine itself in a cool, 
 75 . 
 
Raffles 
 
 dark, musty vault underneath the temple, 
 that I can see and smell as I jaw. And 
 can't I hear it and feel it too ! Squish, 
 squash, bubble; squash, squish, guggle; 
 and your feet as though you had been 
 wading through slaughter to a throne. 
 Yes, Bunny, you mightn't think it, but this 
 good right foot, that never was on the 
 wrong side of the crease when the ball left 
 my hand, has also been known to 
 
 ' crush the lees of pleasure 
 From sanguine grapes of pain.'" 
 
 He made a sudden pause, as though he 
 had stumbled on the truth in jest. His face 
 filled with' lines. We were sitting in the 
 room that had been bare when first I saw 
 it; there were basket-chairs and a table in 
 it now, all meant ostensibly for me; and 
 hence Raffles would slip to his bed, with 
 schoolboy relish, at every tinkle of the bell. 
 This afternoon we felt fairly safe, for Theo- 
 bald had called in the morning, and Mrs. 
 Theobald still took up much of his time. 
 Through the open window we could hear 
 the piano-organ and " Mar — ga — ri " a few 
 76 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 hundred yards further on. I fancied Raf- 
 fles was listening to it while he paused. He 
 shook his head abstractedly when I handed 
 him the cigarettes; and his tone hereafter 
 was never just what it had been. 
 
 " I don't know, Bunny, whether you're a 
 believer in transmigration of souls. I have 
 often thought it easier to believe than lots 
 of other things, and I have been pretty near 
 believing in it myself since I had my being 
 on that villa of Tiberius. The brute who 
 had it in my day, if he isn't still running it 
 with a whole skin, was or is as cold-blooded 
 a blackguard as the worst pi the emperors, 
 but I have often thought he had a lot in 
 common with Tiberius. He had the great 
 high sensual Roman nose, eyes that were 
 sinks of iniquity in themselves, and that 
 swelled with fatness, like the rest of him, so 
 that he wheezed if he walked a yard ; other- 
 wise rather a fine beast to look at, with a 
 huge grey moustache, like a flying gull, and 
 the most courteous manners even to his 
 men ; but one of the worst, Bunny, one of 
 the worst that ever was. It was said that 
 the vineyard was only his hobby ; if so, he 
 77 
 
Raffles 
 
 did his best to make his hobby pay. He 
 used to come out from Naples for the week- 
 ends — in the tub when it wasn't too rough 
 for his nerves — and he didn't always come 
 alone. His very name sounded unhealthy 
 — Corbucci. I suppose I ought to add that 
 he was a Count, though Counts are two-a- 
 penny in Naples, and in season all the year 
 round. 
 
 " He had a little English, and liked to 
 air it upon me, much to my disgust; if I 
 could not hope to conceal my nationality as 
 yet, I at least did not want to have it adver- 
 tised; and the swine had English friends. 
 When he heard that I was bathing in No- 
 vember, when the bay is still as warm as 
 new milk, he would shake his wicked old 
 head and say, ' You are very audashuss — 
 you are very audashuss ! ' and put on no 
 end of side before his Italians. By God, 
 he had pitched upon the right word un- 
 awares, and I let him know it in the end! 
 
 " But that bathing. Bunny ; it was abso- 
 lutely the best I ever had anywhere. I said 
 just now the water was like wine; in my 
 own mind I used to call it blue champagne, 
 
 78 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 and was rather annoyed that I had no one 
 to admire the phrase. Otherwise I assure 
 you that I missed my own particular kind 
 very Httle indeed, though I often wished 
 that you were there, old chap ; particularly 
 when I went for my lonesome swim; first 
 thing in the morning, when the Bay was 
 all rose-leaves, and last thing at night, when 
 your body caught phosphorescent fire ! Ah, 
 yes, it was a good enough life for a change ; 
 a perfect paradise to lie low in; another 
 Eden until . . . 
 
 " My poor Eve ! " 
 
 And he fetched a sigh that took away his 
 words ; then his jaws snapped together, and 
 his eyes spoke terribly while he conquered 
 his emotion. I pen the last word advisedly. 
 I fancy it is one which I have never used 
 before in writing of A. J. Raffles, for I 
 cannot at the moment recall any other oc- 
 casion upon which its use would have been 
 justified. On resuming, however, he was 
 not only calm, but cold ; and this flying for 
 safety to the other extreme is the single 
 instance of self-distrust which the present 
 Achates can record to the credit of his im- 
 pious iEneas. 
 
 79 
 
Raffles 
 
 " I called the girl Eve," said he. " Her 
 real name was Faustina, and she was one 
 of a vast family who hung out in a hovel 
 on the inland border of the vineyard. And 
 Aphrodite rising from the sea was less won- 
 derful and not more beautiful than Aphro- 
 dite emerging from that hole! 
 
 *' It was the most exquisite face I ever 
 saw or shall see in this life. Absolutely 
 perfect features; a skin that reminded you 
 of old gold, so delicate was its bronze; 
 magnificent hair, not black but nearly ; and 
 such eyes and teeth as would have made 
 the fortune of a face without another point. 
 I tell you, Bunny, London would go mad 
 about a girl like that. But I don't believe 
 there's such another in the world. And 
 there she was wasting her sweetness upon 
 that lovely but desolate little corner of it! 
 Well, she did not waste it upon me. I 
 would have married her, and lived happily 
 ever after in such a hovel as her people's 
 — with her. Only to look at her — only to 
 look at her for the rest of my days — I could 
 have lain low and remained dead even to 
 you ! And that's all I'm going to tell you 
 80 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 about that, Bunny ; cursed be he who tells 
 more! Yet don't you run away with the 
 idea that this poor Faustina was the only 
 woman I ever cared about. I don't believe 
 in all that * only ' rot ; nevertheless I tell 
 you that she was the one being who ever 
 entirely satisfied my sense of beauty ; and I 
 honestly believe I could have chucked the 
 world and been true to Faustina for that 
 alone. 
 
 " We met sometimes in the little temple 
 I told you about, sometimes among the 
 vines; now by honest accident, now by 
 flagrant design; and found a ready-made 
 rendezvous, romantic as one could wish, in 
 the cave down all those subterranean steps. 
 Then the sea would call us — my blue cham- 
 pagne — my sparkling cobalt — and there was 
 the dingy ready to our hand. Oh, those 
 nights! I never knew which I liked best, 
 the moonlit ones when you sculled through 
 silver and could see for miles, or the dark 
 nights when the fishermen's torches stood 
 for the sea, and a red zig-zag in the sky for 
 old Vesuvius. We were happy. I don't 
 mind owning it. We seemed not to have a 
 8i 
 
Raffles 
 
 care between us. My mates took no inter- 
 est in my affairs, and Faustina's family did 
 not appear to bother about her. The Count 
 was in Naples five nights of the seven ; the 
 other two we sighed apart. 
 
 " At first it was the oldest story in lit- 
 erature — Eden plus Eve. The place had 
 been a heaven on earth before, but now 
 it was heaven itself. So for a little; then 
 one night, a Monday night, Faustina burst 
 out crying in the boat; and sobbed her 
 story as we drifted without mishap by the 
 mercy of the Lord. And that was almost 
 as old a story as the other. 
 
 " She was engaged — what ! Had I never 
 heard of it ? Did I mean to upset the boat ? 
 What was her engagement beside our love ? 
 * Niente, niente,' crooned Faustina, sighing 
 yet smiling through her tears. No, but 
 what did matter was that the man had 
 threatened to stab her to the heart — and 
 would do it as soon as look at her — that I 
 knew. 
 
 " I knew it merely from my knowledge 
 of the Neapolitans, for I had no idea who 
 the man might be. I knew it, and yet I 
 82 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 took this detail better than the fact of the 
 engagement, though now I began to laugh 
 at both. As if I was going to let her marry 
 anybody else! As if a hair of her lovely 
 head should be touched while I lived to pro- 
 tect her! I had a great mind to row away 
 to blazes with her that very night, and never 
 go near the vineyard again, or let her either. 
 But we had not a lira between us at the 
 time, and only the rags in which we sat 
 barefoot in the boat. Besides, I had to 
 know the name of the animal who had 
 threatened a woman, and such a woman as 
 this. 
 
 " For a long time she refused to tell me, 
 with splendid obduracy; but I was as de- 
 termined as she; so at last she made con- 
 ditions. I was not to go and get put in 
 prison for sticking a knife into him — he 
 wasn't worth it — and I did promise not to 
 stab him in the back. Faustina seemed 
 quite satisfied, though a little puzzled by 
 my manner, having herself the racial tol- 
 erance for cold steel ; and next moment she 
 had taken away my breath. * It is Stefano/ 
 she whispered, and hung her head. 
 
 83 
 
Raffles 
 
 " And well she might, poor thing ! Ste- 
 fano, of all creatures on God's earth — for 
 her! 
 
 " Bunny, he was a miserable little under- 
 sized wretch — ill-favoured — servile — surly 
 — and second only to his master in bestial 
 cunning and hypocrisy. His face was 
 enough for me; that was what I read in 
 it, and I don't often make mistakes. He 
 was Corbucci's own confidential body-ser- 
 vant, and that alone was enough to damn 
 him in decent eyes: always came out first 
 on the Saturday with the spese, to have all 
 ready for his master and current mistress, 
 and stayed behind on the Monday to clear 
 and lock up. Stefano! That worm! I 
 could well understand his threatening a 
 woman with a knife; what beat me was 
 how any woman could ever have listened to 
 him ; above all, that Faustina should be the 
 one ! It passed my comprehension. But I 
 questioned her as gently as I could; and 
 her explanation was largely the threadbare 
 one you would expect. Her parents were 
 so poor. They were so many in family. 
 Some of them begged — would I promise 
 34 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 never to tell? Then some of them stole — 
 sometimes — and all knew the pains of actual 
 want. She looked after the cows, but there 
 were only two of them, and brought the 
 milk to the vineyard and elsewhere; but 
 that was not employment for more than 
 one ; and there were countless sisters wait- 
 ing to take her place. Then he was so rich, 
 Stefano. 
 
 "'Rich?' I echoed. 'Stefano?' 
 
 " ' Si, Arturo mio.' 
 
 " Yes, I played the game on that vine- 
 yard, Bunny, even to going by my own first 
 name. 
 
 "'And how comes he to be rich?' I 
 asked, suspiciously. 
 
 " She did not know ; but he had given 
 her such beautiful jewels ; the family had 
 lived on them for months, she pretending 
 an avocat had taken charge of them for her 
 against her marriage. But I cared nothing 
 about all that. 
 
 " ' Jewels ! Stefano ! ' I could only mut- 
 ter. 
 
 " ' Perhaps the Count has paid for some 
 of them. He is very kind/ 
 8s 
 
Raffles 
 
 "'To you, is he?' 
 
 " * Oh, yes, very kind/ 
 
 " ' And you would live in his house after- 
 wards ? ' 
 
 " ' Not now, mia cara — not now ! ' 
 
 " ' No, by God you don't ! ' said I in Eng- 
 lish. * But you would have done so, eh ? ' 
 
 " ' Of course. That was arranged. The 
 Count is really very kind.' 
 
 " * Do you see anything of him when he 
 comes here ? ' 
 
 " Yes, he had sometimes brought her lit- 
 tle presents, sweetmeats, ribbons, and the 
 like; but the offering had always been 
 made through this toad of a Stefano. 
 Knowing the men, I now knew all. But 
 Faustina, she had the pure and simple 
 heart, and the white soul, by the God who 
 made it, and for all her kindness to a tat- 
 tered scapegrace who made love to her in 
 broken Italian between the ripples and the 
 stars. She was not to know what I was, 
 remember; and besides Corbucci and his 
 henchman I was the Archangel Gabriel come 
 down to earth. 
 
 " Well, as I lay awake that night, two 
 36 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 more lines of Swinburne came into my head, 
 and came to stay: 
 
 " God said * Let him who wins her take 
 And keep Faustine. ' 
 
 " On that couplet I slept at last, and it 
 was my text and watchword when I awoke 
 in the morning. I forget how well you 
 know your Swinburne, Bunny; but don't 
 you run away with the idea that there was 
 anything else in common between his Faus- 
 tine and mine. For the last time let me 
 tell you that poor Faustina was the whitest 
 and the best I ever knew. 
 
 ** Well, I was strung up for trouble when 
 the next Saturday came, and I'll tell you 
 what I had done. I had broken the pledge 
 and burgled Corbucci's villa in my best 
 manner during his absence in Naples. Not 
 that it gave me the slightest trouble; but 
 no human being could have told that I had 
 been in, when I came out. And I had stolen 
 nothing, mark you, but only borrowed a re- 
 volver from a drawer in the Count's desk, 
 with one or two trifling accessories ; for by 
 S7 
 
Raffles 
 
 this time I had the measure of these damned 
 Neapolitans. They are spry enough with a 
 knife, but you show them the business end 
 of a shooting-iron, and they'll streak like 
 rabbits for the nearest hole. But the re- 
 volver wasn't for my own use. It was for 
 Faustina, and I taught her how to use it 
 in the cave down there by the sea, shooting 
 at candles stuck upon the rock. The noise 
 in the cave was something frightful, but 
 high up above it couldn't be heard at all, 
 as we proved to each other's satisfaction 
 pretty early in the proceedings. So now 
 Faustina was armed with munitions of self- 
 defence; and I knew enough of her char- 
 acter to entertain no doubt as to their spir- 
 ited use upon occasion. Between the two 
 of us, in fact, our friend Stefano seemed 
 tolerably certain of a warm week-end. 
 
 '* But the Saturday brought word that the 
 Count was not coming this week, being in 
 Rome on business, and unable to return in 
 time; so for a whole Sunday we were 
 promised peace; and made bold plans ac- 
 cordingly. There was no further merit in 
 hushing this thing up. ' Let him who wins 
 88 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 her take and keep Faustine.' Yes, but let 
 him win her openly, or lose her and be 
 damned to him! So on the Sunday I was 
 going to have it out with her people — with 
 the Count and Stefano as soon as they 
 showed their noses. I had no inducement, 
 remember, ever to return to surreptitious 
 life within a cab-fare of Wormwood 
 Scrubbs. Faustina and the Bay of Naples 
 were quite good enough for me. And the 
 prehistoric man in me rather exulted in the 
 idea of fighting for my desire. 
 
 " On the Saturday, however, we were to 
 meet for the last time as heretofore — just 
 once more in secret — down there in the cave 
 — as soon as might be after dark. Neither 
 of us minded if we were kept for hours; 
 each knew that in the end the other would 
 come; and there was a charm of its own 
 even in waiting with such knowledge. But 
 that night I did lose patience: not in the 
 cave but up above, where first on one pre- 
 text and then on another the direttore kept 
 me going until I smelt a rat. He was not 
 given to exacting overtime, this direttore, 
 whose only fault was his servile subjection 
 89 
 
Raffles 
 
 to our common boss. It seemed pretty ob- 
 vious, therefore, that he was acting upon 
 some secret instructions from Corbucci him- 
 self, and, the moment I suspected this, I 
 asked him to his face if it was not the case. 
 And it was; he admitted it with many 
 shrugs, being a conveniently weak person, 
 whom one felt almost ashamed of bullying 
 as the occasion demanded. 
 
 " The fact was, however, that the Count 
 had sent for him on finding he had to go to 
 Rome, and had said he was very sorry to 
 go just then, as among other things he in- 
 tended to speak to me about Faustina. Ste- 
 fano had told him all about his row with 
 her, and moreover that it was on my ac- 
 count, which Faustina had never told me, 
 though I had guessed as much for myself. 
 Well, the Count was going to take his 
 jackal's part for all he was worth, which 
 was just exactly what I expected him to 
 do. He intended going for me on his re- 
 turn, but meanwhile I was not to make hay 
 in his absence, and so this tool of a direttore 
 had orders to keep me at it night and day. 
 I undertook not to give the poor beast away, 
 90 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 but at the same time told him I had not 
 the faintest intention of doing another 
 stroke of work that night. 
 
 " It was very dark, and I remember 
 knocking my head against the oranges as 
 I ran up the long, shallow steps which 
 ended the journey between the direttore's 
 lodge and the villa itself. But at the back 
 of the villa was the garden I spoke about, 
 and also a bare chunk of the cliff where it 
 was bored by that subterranean stair. So 
 I saw the stars close overhead, and the 
 fishermen's torches far below, the coastwise 
 lights and the crimson hieroglyph that spelt 
 Vesuvius, before I plunged into the dark- 
 ness of the shaft. And that was the last 
 time I appreciated the unique and peaceful 
 charm of this outlandish spot. 
 
 " The stair was in two long flights, with 
 an air-hole or two at the top of the upper 
 one, but not another pin-prick till you came 
 to the iron gate at the bottom of the lower. 
 As you may read of an infinitely lighter 
 place, in a finer work of fiction than you 
 are ever likely to write. Bunny, it was 
 ' gloomy at noon, dark as midnight at dusk, 
 91 
 
Raffles 
 
 and black as the ninth plague of Egypt at 
 midnight.' I won't swear to my quotation, 
 but I will to those stairs. They were as 
 black that night as the inside of the safest 
 safe in the strongest strong-room in the 
 Chancery Lane Deposit. Yet I had not got 
 far down them with my bare feet before I 
 heard somebody else coming up in boots. 
 You may imagine what a turn that gave 
 me ! It could not be Faustina, who went 
 barefoot three seasons of the four, and yet 
 there was Faustina waiting for me down 
 below. What a fright she must have had ! 
 And all at once my own blood ran cold: 
 for the man sang like a kettle as he plodded 
 up and up. It was, it must be, the short- 
 winded Count himself, whom we all sup- 
 posed to be in Rome ! 
 
 '* Higher he came and nearer, nearer, 
 slowly yet hurriedly, now stopping to cough 
 and gasp, now taking a few steps by ele- 
 phantine assault. I should have enjoyed 
 the situation if it had not been for poor 
 Faustina in the cave ; as it was I was filled 
 with nameless fears. But I could not resist 
 giving that grampus Corbucci one bad rno- 
 92 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 ment on account. A crazy hand-rail ran up 
 one wall, so I carefully flattened myself 
 against the other, and he passed within 
 six inches of me, puffing and wheezing like 
 a brass band. I let him go a few steps 
 higher, and then I let him have it with both 
 lungs. 
 
 ** ' Buona sera, eccellenza signori ! ' I 
 roared after him. And a scream came down 
 in answer — such a scream ! A dozen dif- 
 ferent terrors were in it ; and the wheezing 
 had stopped, with the old scoundrel's heart. 
 
 ** * Chi sta la ? ' he squeaked at last, gib- 
 bering and whimpering like a whipped mon- 
 key, so that I could not bear to miss his 
 face, and got a match all ready to strike. 
 
 " * Arturo, signori.' 
 
 " He didn't repeat my name, nor did he 
 damn me in heaps. He did nothing but 
 wheeze for a good minute, and when he 
 ^poke it was with insinuating civility, in his 
 best English. 
 
 " ' Come nearer, Arturo. You are in the 
 lower regions down there. I want to speak 
 with you.' 
 
 " ' No, thanks. I'm in a hurry,' I said, 
 93 
 
Raffles 
 
 and dropped that match back into my pocket. 
 He might be armed, and I was not. 
 
 " * So you are in a 'urry ! ' and he wheezed 
 amusement. ' And you thought I was still 
 in Rome, no doubt; and so I was until 
 this afternoon, when I caught train at the 
 eleventh moment, and then another train 
 from Naples to Pozzuoli. I have been 
 rowed here now by a fisherman of Pozzuoli. 
 I had not time to stop anywhere in Naples, 
 but only to drive from station to station. 
 So I am without Stefano, Arturo, I am 
 without Stefano.' 
 
 *' His sly voice sounded preternaturally 
 sly in the absolute darkness, but even 
 through that impenetrable veil I knew it for 
 a sham. I had laid hold of the hand-rail. 
 It shook violently in my hand ; he also was 
 holding it where he stood. And these sup- 
 pressed tremors, or rather their detection 
 in this way, struck a strange chill to my 
 heart, just as I was beginning to pluck 
 it up. 
 
 " * It is lucky for Stefano/ said I, grim 
 as death. 
 
 " * Ah, but you must not be too 'ard on 
 94 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 'im/ remonstrated the Count. * You have 
 stole his girl, he speak with me about it, 
 and I wish to speak with you. It is very 
 audashuss, Arturo, very audashuss! Per- 
 haps you are even going to meet her now, 
 eh?' 
 
 " I told him straight that I was. 
 
 " ' Then there is no 'urry, for she is not 
 there.' 
 
 " * You didn't see her in the cave ? ' I 
 cried, too delighted at the thought to keep 
 it to myself. 
 
 " * I had no such fortune,' the old devil 
 said. 
 
 " * She is there, all the same.' 
 
 " * I only wish I 'ad known.' 
 
 " ' And I've kept her long enough ! ' 
 
 " In fact I threw this over my shoulder 
 as I turned and went running down. 
 
 " * I 'ope you will find her ! ' his maUcious 
 voice came croaking after me. ' I 'ope you 
 
 HI — I 'ope so.* 
 
 " And find her I did." 
 
 Raffles had been on his feet some time, 
 unable to sit still or to stand, moving ex- 
 citedly about the room. But now he stood 
 95 
 
Raffles 
 
 still enough, his elbows on the cast-iron 
 mantelpiece, his head between his hands. 
 
 " Dead ? " I whispered. 
 
 And he nodded to the wall. 
 
 '' There was not a sound in the cave. 
 There was no answer to my voice. Then 
 I went in, and my foot touched hers, and 
 it was colder than the rock . . . Bunny, 
 they had stabbed her to the heart. She 
 had fought them, and they had stabbed her 
 to the heart ! " 
 
 " You say * they,' " I said gently, as he 
 stood in heavy silence, his back still turned. 
 " I thought Stefano had been left behind ? " 
 
 Raffles was round in a flash, his face 
 white-hot, his eyes dancing death. 
 
 " He was in the cave ! " he shouted. " I 
 saw him — I spotted him — it was broad twi- 
 light after those stairs — and I went for him 
 with my bare hands. Not fists, Bunny; 
 not fists for a thing like that ; I meant get- 
 ting my fingers into his vile little heart and 
 tearing it out by the roots. I was stark 
 mad. But he had the revolver — hers. He 
 blazed it at arm's length, and missed. And 
 that steadied me. I had smashed his funny- 
 
 96 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 bone against the rock before he could blaze 
 again; the revolver fell with a rattle, but 
 without going off; in an instant I had it 
 tight, and the little swine at my mercy at 
 last." 
 
 " You didn't show him any ? " 
 
 " Mercy ? With Faustina dead at my 
 feet? I should have deserved none in the 
 next world if I had shown him any in this ! 
 No, I just stood over him, with the revolver 
 in both hands, feeling the chambers with 
 my thumb; and as I stood he stabbed at 
 me; but I stepped back to that one, and 
 brought him down with a bullet in his guts. 
 
 " ' And I can spare you two or three 
 more,' I said, for my poor girl could not 
 have fired a shot. * Take that one to hell 
 with you — and that — and that ! ' 
 
 " Then I started coughing and wheezing 
 like the Count himself, for the place was 
 full of smoke. When it cleared my man 
 was very dead, and I tipped him into the 
 sea, to defile that rather than Faustina's 
 cave. And then — and then — we were alone 
 for the last time, she and I, in our own pet 
 haunt; and I could scarcely see her, yet I 
 97 
 
Raffles 
 
 would not strike a match, for I knew she 
 would not have me see her as she was. I 
 could say good-bye to her without that. I 
 said it; and I left her like a man, and up 
 the first open-air steps with my head in the 
 air and the stars all sharp in the sky ; then 
 suddenly they swam, and back I went like 
 a lunatic, to see if she was really dead, to 
 bring her back to life . . . Bunny, I 
 can't tell you any more." 
 
 " Not of the Count ? " I murmured at last. 
 
 " Not even of the Count," said Raffles, 
 turning round with a sigh. " I left him 
 pretty sorry for himself ; but what was the 
 good of that? I had taken blood for blood, 
 and it was not Corbucci who had killed 
 Faustina. No, the plan was his, but that 
 was not part of the plan. They had found 
 out about our meetings in the cave: noth- 
 ing simpler than to have me kept hard at it 
 overhead and to carry off Faustina by brute 
 force in the boat. It was their only chance, 
 for she had said more to Stefano than she 
 had admitted to me, and more than I am 
 going to repeat about myself. No persua- 
 sion would have induced her to listen to 
 
 98 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 him again; so they tried force; and she 
 drew Corbucci's revolver on them, but the) 
 had taken her by surprise, and Stefanc 
 stabbed her before she could fire." 
 
 "But how do you know all that?" I 
 asked Raffles, for his tale was going to 
 pieces in the telling, and the tragic end of 
 poor Faustina was no ending for me. 
 
 " Oh," said he, " I had it from Corbucci 
 at his own revolver's point. He was wait- 
 ing at his window, and I could have potted 
 him at my ease where he stood against the 
 light listening hard enough but not seeing 
 a thing. So he asked whether it was Ste- 
 fano, and I whispered, ' Si, signore ' ; and 
 then whether he had finished Arturo, and I 
 brought the same shot off again. He had 
 let me in before he knew who was finished 
 and who was not." 
 
 "And did you finish him?" 
 
 " No ; that was too good for Corbucci. 
 But I bound and gagged him about as tight 
 as man was ever gagged or bound, and I 
 left him in his room with the shutters shut 
 and the house locked up. The shutters of 
 that old place were six inches thick, and 
 99 
 
Raffles 
 
 the walls nearly six feet; that was on the 
 Saturday night, and the Count wasn't ex- 
 pected at the vineyard before the following 
 Saturday. Meanwhile he was supposed to 
 be in Rome. But the dead would doubtless 
 be discovered next day, and I am afraid this 
 would lead to his own discovery with the 
 life still in him. I believe he figured on 
 that himself, for he sat threatening me 
 gamely till the last. You never saw such 
 a sight as he was, with his head split in two 
 by a ruler tied at the back of it, and his 
 great moustache pushed up into his bulging 
 eyes. But I locked him up in the dark 
 without a qualm, and I wished and still 
 wish him every torment of the damned." 
 
 "And then?" 
 
 " The night was still young, and within 
 ten miles there was the best of ports in a 
 storm, and hundreds of holds for the hum- 
 ble stowaway to choose from. But I didn't 
 want to go further than Genoa, for by this 
 time my Italian would wash, so I chose the 
 old Norddeutscher Lloyd, and had an ex- 
 cellent voyage in one of the boats slung in- 
 board over the bridge. That's better than 
 loo 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 any hold, Bunny, and I did splendidly on 
 oranges brought from the vineyard." 
 
 "And at Genoa?" 
 
 " At Genoa I took to my wits once more, 
 and have been living on nothing else ever 
 since. But there I had to begin all over 
 again, and at the very bottom of the ladder. 
 I slept in the streets. I begged. I did all 
 manner of terrible things, rather hoping for 
 a bad end, but never coming to one. Then 
 one day I saw a white-headed old chap 
 looking at me through a shop-window — a 
 window I had designs upon — and when I 
 stared at him he stared at me — and we wore 
 the s?me rags. So I had come to that! 
 But one reflection makes many. I had not 
 recognised myself; who on earth would 
 recognise me? London called me — and 
 here I am. Italy had broken my heart — 
 and there it stays." 
 
 Flippant as a schoolboy one moment, 
 playful even in the bitterness of the next, 
 and now no longer giving way to the feel- 
 ing which had spoilt the climax of his tale, 
 Raffles needed knowing as I alone knew 
 him for a right appreciation of those last 
 
 lOI 
 
Raffles 
 
 words. That they were no mere words I 
 know full well. That, but for the tragedy 
 of his Italian life, that life would have suf- 
 ficed him for years, if not for ever, I did 
 and do still believe. But I alone see him 
 as I saw him then, the lines upon his face, 
 and the pain behind the lines; how they 
 came to disappear, and what removed them, 
 you will never guess. It was the one thing 
 you would have expected to have the op- 
 posite efifect, the thing indeed that had 
 forced his confidence, the organ and the 
 voice once more beneath our very windows : 
 
 " Margarita de Parete, 
 
 era a' sarta d' e' signore ; 
 se pugneva sempe e ddete 
 pe penzare a Salvatore ! 
 
 " Mar — ga — v\, 
 
 e perzo e Salvatore I 
 Mar — ga — t\, 
 
 Ma r ommo h cacciatore I 
 Mar — ga — rl, 
 
 Nun ce aje corpa tu ! 
 Chello ch' ^ fatto, h fatto, un ne parlammo cchiei ! ** 
 
 I simply stared at Raffles. Instead of 
 deepening, his lines had vanished. He 
 
 I02 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 looked years younger, mischievous and 
 merry and alert as I remembered him of 
 old in the breathless crisis of some madcap 
 escapade. He was holding up his finger; 
 he was stealing to the window; he was 
 peeping through the blind as though our 
 side street were Scotland Yard itself; he 
 was stealing back again, all revelry, excite- 
 ment, and suspense. 
 
 " I half thought they were after me be- 
 fore," said he. *' That was why I made 
 you look. I daren*t take a proper look 
 myself, but what a jest if they were! 
 What a jest ! " 
 
 " Do you mean the police ? " said I. 
 
 " The police ! Bunny, do you know them 
 and me so little that you can look me in 
 the face and ask such a question ? My boy, 
 I'm dead to them — ofiF their books — a good 
 deal deader than being off the hooks ! Why, 
 if I went to Scotland Yard this minute, to 
 give myself up, they'd chuck me out for 
 a harmless lunatic. No, I fear an enemy 
 nowadays, and I go in terror of the some- 
 time friend, but I have the utmost confidence 
 in the dear police." 
 
 »o3 
 
Raffles 
 
 " Then whom do you mean ? " 
 
 " The Camorra ! " 
 
 I repeated the word with a different in- 
 tonation. Not that I had never heard of 
 that most powerful and sinister of secret 
 societies; but I failed to see on what 
 grounds Raffles should jump to the con- 
 clusion that these every-day organ-grinders 
 belonged to it. 
 
 " It was one of Corbucci's threats," said 
 he. " If I killed him the Camorra would 
 certainly kill me ; he kept on telling me so ; 
 it was like his cunning not to say that he 
 would put them on my tracks whether or 
 no." 
 
 " He is probably a member himself ! " 
 
 " Obviously, from what he said." 
 
 " But why on earth should you think that 
 these fellows are ? " I demanded, as that 
 brazen voice came rasping through a sec- 
 ond verse. 
 
 " I don't think. It was only an idea. 
 That thing is so thoroughly Neapolitan, 
 and I never heard it on a London organ 
 before. Then again, what should bring 
 them back here ? " 
 
 104 
 
The Fate of Faustina 
 
 I peeped through the bHnd in my turn; 
 and, to be sure, there was the fellow with 
 the blue chin and the white teeth watching 
 our windows, and ours only, as he bawled. 
 " And why ? " cried Raffles, his eyes danc- 
 ing when I told him. '' Why should they 
 come sneaking back to usf Doesn't that 
 look suspicious, Bunny ; doesn't that prom- 
 ise a lark ? " 
 
 " Not to me," I said, having the smile 
 for once. '* How many people, should you 
 imagine, toss them five shillings for as many 
 minutes of their infernal row? You seem 
 to forget that that's what you did an hour 
 ago!" 
 
 Raffles had forgotten. His blank face 
 confessed the fact. Then suddenly he burst 
 out laughing at himself. 
 
 " Bunny," said he, " you've no imagina- 
 tion, and I never knew I had so much ! Of 
 course you're right. I only wish you were 
 not, for there's nothing I should enjoy more 
 than taking on another Neapolitan or two. 
 You see, I owe them something still! I 
 didn't settle in full. I owe them more than 
 ever I shall pay them on this side Styx ! '' 
 105 
 
Raffles 
 
 He had hardened even as he spoke: the 
 lines and the years had come again, and 
 his eyes were flint and steel, with an honest 
 grief behind the glitter. 
 
 xo6 
 
THE LAST LAUGH 
 
 AS I have had occasion to remark else- 
 where, the pick of our exploits, from 
 a frankly criminal point of view, are of 
 least use for the comparatively pure pur- 
 poses of these papers. They might be ap- 
 preciated in a trade journal (if only that 
 want could be supplied), by skilled manipu- 
 lators of the jemmy and the large light 
 bunch ; but, as records of unbroken yet in- 
 significant success, they would be found at 
 once too trivial and too technical, if not 
 sordid and unprofitable into the bargain. 
 The latter epithets, and worse, have indeed 
 already been applied, if not to Raffles and 
 all his works, at least to mine upon Raffles, 
 by more than one worthy wielder of a virtu- 
 ous pen. I need not say how heartily I 
 disagree with that truly pious opinion. So 
 far from admitting a single word of it, I 
 maintain it is the liveliest warning that I 
 ?07 
 
Raffles 
 
 am giving to the world. Raffles was a 
 genius, and he could not make it pay ! Raf- 
 fles had invention, resource, incomparable 
 audacity, and a nerve in ten thousand. He 
 was both strategian and tactician, and we 
 all now know the difference between the 
 two. Yet for months he had been hiding 
 like a rat in a hole, unable to show even his 
 altered face by night or day without risk, 
 unless another risk were courted by three 
 inches of conspicuous crape. Then thus far 
 our rewards had oftener than not been no 
 reward at all. Altogether it was a very dif- 
 ferent story from the old festive, unsus- 
 pected, club and cricket days, with their 
 nodes amhrosian<B at the Albany. 
 
 And now, in addition to the eternal peril 
 of recognition, there was yet another men- 
 ace of which I knew nothing. I thought 
 no more of our Neapolitan organ-grinders, 
 though I did often think of the moving page 
 that they had torn for me out of my friend's 
 strange life in Italy. Raffles never alluded 
 to the subject again, and for my part I had 
 entirely forgotten his wild ideas connecting 
 the organ-grinders with the Camorra, and 
 io8 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 imagining them upon his own tracks. I 
 heard no more of it, and thought as Httle, 
 as I say. Then one night in the autumn— 
 I shrink from shocking the susceptible for 
 nothing — but there was a certain house in 
 Palace Gardens, and when we got there 
 Raffles would pass on. I could see no soul 
 in sight, no glimmer in the windows. But 
 Raffles had my arm, and on we went with- 
 out talking about it. Sharp to the left on 
 the Notting Hill side, sharper still up Silver 
 Street, a little tacking west and south, a 
 plunge across High Street, and presently 
 we were home. 
 
 " Pyjamas first," said Raffles, with as 
 much authority as though it mattered. It 
 was a warm night, however, though Sep- 
 tember, and I did not mind until I came in 
 clad as he commanded to find the autocrat 
 himself still booted and capped. He was 
 peeping through the blind, and the gas was 
 still turned down. But he said that I could 
 turn it up, as he helped himself to a ciga- 
 rette and nothing with it. 
 
 " May I mix you one ? " said I. 
 
 " No, thanks." 
 
 109 
 
Raffles 
 
 "What's the trouble?" 
 
 " We were followed." 
 
 "Never!" 
 
 " You never saw it." 
 
 " But you never looked round." 
 
 " I have an eye at the back of each ear, 
 Bunny." 
 
 I helped myself and I fear with less mod- 
 eration than might have been the case a 
 minute before. 
 
 " So that was why " 
 
 " That was why," said Raffles, nodding ; 
 but he did not smile, and I put down my 
 glass untouched. 
 
 ** They were following us then ! " 
 
 " All up Palace Gardens." 
 
 " I thought you wound about coming 
 back over the hill." 
 
 " Nevertheless, one of them's in the street 
 below at this moment." 
 
 No, he was not fooling me. He was 
 very grim. And he had not taken off a 
 thing; perhaps he did not think it worth 
 while. 
 
 " Plain clothes ? " I sighed, following the 
 sartorial train of thought, even to the loath- 
 xio 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 ly arrows that had decorated my person 
 once already for a little seon. Next time 
 they would give me double. The skilly was 
 in my stomach when I saw Raffles's face. 
 
 " Who said it was the police, Bunny ? " 
 said he. " It's the Italians. They're only 
 after me; they won't hurt a hair of your 
 head, let alone cropping it ! Have a drink, 
 and don't mind me. I shall score them off 
 before I'm done." 
 
 "And I'll help you!" 
 
 " No, old chap, you won't. This is my 
 own little show. I've known about it for 
 weeks. I first tumbled to it the day those 
 Neapolitans came back with their organs, 
 though I didn't seriously suspect things 
 then ; they never came again, those two, 
 they had done their part. That's the Ca- 
 morra all over, from all accounts. The 
 Count I told you about is pretty high up in 
 it, by tlie way he spoke, but there will be 
 grades and grades between him and the 
 organ-grinders. I shouldn't be surprised if 
 he had every low-down Neapolitan ice- 
 creamer in the town upon my tracks ! The 
 organisation's incredible. Then do you re- 
 
 ZII 
 
Raffles 
 
 member the superior foreigner who came to 
 the door a few days afterwards? You said 
 he had velvet eyes." 
 
 " I never connected him with those two ! " 
 
 " Of course you didn't, Bunny, so you 
 threatened to kick the fellow downstairs, 
 and only made them keener on the scent. 
 It was too late to say anything when you 
 told me. But the very next time I showed 
 my nose outside I heard a camera click as 
 I passed, and the fiend was a person with 
 velvet eyes. Then there was a lull — that 
 happened weeks ago. They had sent me to 
 Italy for identification by Count Corbucci." 
 
 ** But this is all theory," I exclaimed. 
 ** How on earth can you know ? " 
 
 "I don't know," said Raffles, "but I 
 should like to bet. Our friend the blood- 
 hound is hanging about the corner near the 
 pillar-box; look through my window, it's 
 dark in there, and tell me who he is." 
 
 The man was too far away for me to 
 swear to his face, but he wore a covert-coat 
 of un-English length, and the lamp across 
 the road played steadily on his boots ; they 
 were very yellow, and they made no noise 
 
 112 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 when he took a turn. I strained my eyes, 
 and all at once I remembered the thin-soled, 
 low-heeled, splay yellow boots of the in- 
 sidious foreigner, with the soft eyes and 
 the brown-paper face, whom I had turned 
 from the door as a palpable fraud. The 
 ring at the bell was the first I had heard of 
 him, there had been no warning step upon 
 the stairs, and my suspicious eye had 
 searched his feet for rubber soles. 
 
 " It's the fellow," I said, returning to 
 Raffles, and I described his boots. 
 
 Raffles was delighted. 
 
 " Well done. Bunny ; you're coming on," 
 said he. " Now I wonder if he's been over 
 here all the time, or if they sent him over 
 expressly? You did better than you think 
 in spotting those boots, for they can only 
 have been made in Italy, and that looks like 
 the special envoy. But it's no use specu- 
 lating. I must find out.'* 
 
 *' How can you ? " 
 
 " He won't stay there all night." 
 
 '^Well?" 
 
 " When he gets tired of it I shall return 
 the compliment and follow kimJ'' 
 "3 
 
Raffles 
 
 " Not alone," said I, firmly. 
 
 " Well, we'll see. We'll see at once," 
 said Raffles, rising. " Out with the gas, 
 Bunny, while I take a look. Thank you. 
 Now wait a bit . . . yes ! He's chucked 
 it ; he's off already ; and so am I ! " 
 
 But I slipped to our outer door, and held 
 the passage. 
 
 ** I don't let you go alone, you know." 
 
 " You can't come with me in pyjamas." 
 
 " Now I see why you made me put them 
 on!" 
 
 " Bunny, if you don't shift I shall have 
 to shift you. This is my very own private 
 one-man show. But I'll be back in an hour 
 —there ! " 
 
 "You swear?" 
 
 " By all my gods." 
 
 I gave in. How could I help giving in? 
 He did not look the man that he had been, 
 but you never knew with Raffles, and I 
 could not have him lay a hand on me. I 
 let him go with a shrug and my blessing, 
 then ran into his room to see the last of him 
 from the window. 
 
 The creature in the coat and boots had 
 114 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 reached the end of our Httle street, where 
 he appeared to have hesitated, so that Raf- 
 fles was just in time to see which way he 
 turned. And Raffles was after him at an 
 easy pace, and had himself almost reached 
 the corner when my attention was distracted 
 from the alert nonchalance of his gait. I 
 was marvelling that it alone had not long 
 ago bewrayed him, for nothing about him 
 was so unconsciously characteristic, when 
 suddenly I realised that Raffles was not the 
 only person in the little lonely street. An- 
 other pedestrian had entered from the other 
 end, a man heavily built and clad, with an 
 astrakhan collar to his coat on this warm 
 night, and a black slouch hat that hid his 
 features from my bird's-eye view. His 
 steps were the short and shuffling ones of a 
 man advanced in years and in fatty degen- 
 eration, but of a sudden they stopped be- 
 neath my very eyes. I could have dropped 
 a marble into the dinted crown of the black 
 felt hat. Then, at the same moment. Raf- 
 fles turned the corner without looking 
 round, and the big man below raised both 
 his hands and his face. Of the latter I ^aw 
 115 
 
Raffles 
 
 only the huge white moustache, like a fly- 
 ing gull, as Raffles had described it ; for at 
 a glance I divined that this was his arch- 
 enemy, the Count Corbucci himself. 
 
 I did not stop to consider the subtleties of 
 the system by which the real hunter lagged 
 behind while his subordinate pointed the 
 quarry like a sporting dog. I left the Count 
 shuffling onward faster than before, and I 
 jumped into some clothes as though the 
 flats were on fire. If the Count was going 
 to follow Raffles in his turn, then I would 
 follow the Count in mine, and there would 
 be a midnight procession of us through the 
 town. But I found no sign of him in the 
 empty street, and no sign in the Earl's 
 Court Road, that looked as empty for all 
 its length, save for a natural enemy stand- 
 ing like a waxwork with a glimmer at his 
 belt. 
 
 " Oflicer," I gasped, " have you seen any- 
 thing of an old gentleman with a big white 
 moustache? " 
 
 The unlicked cub of a common constable 
 seemed to eye me the more suspiciously for 
 the flattering form of my address. 
 ii6 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 " Took a hansom," said he at length. 
 
 A hansom! Then he was not following 
 the others on foot; there was no guessing 
 his game. But something must be said or 
 done. 
 
 " He's a friend of mine," I explained, 
 " and I want to overtake him. Did you 
 hear where he told the fellow to drive ? " 
 
 A curt negative was the policeman's re- 
 ply to that; and if ever I take part in a 
 night assault-at-arms, revolver versus baton 
 in the back kitchen, I know which member 
 of the Metropolitan Police Force I should 
 like for my opponent. 
 
 If there was no overtaking the Count, 
 however, it should be a comparatively sim- 
 ple matter in the case of the couple on foot, 
 and I wildly hailed the first hansom that 
 crawled into my ken. I must tell Raffles 
 who it was that I had seen; the Earl's 
 Court Road was long, and the time since he 
 vanished in it but a few short minutes. I 
 drove down the length of that useful thor- 
 oughfare, with an eye apiece on either pave- 
 ment, sweeping each as with a brush, but 
 never a Raffles came into the pan. Then I 
 117 
 
Raffles 
 
 tried the Fulham Road, first to the west, 
 then to the east, and in the end drove home 
 to the flat as bold as brass. I did not realise 
 my indiscretion until I had paid the man 
 and was on the stairs. Raffles never dreamt 
 of driving all the way back ; but I was hop- 
 ing now to find him waiting up above. He 
 had said an hour. I had remembered it 
 suddenly. And now the hour was more 
 than up. But the flat was as empty as I 
 had left it ; the very light that had encour- 
 aged me, pale though it was, as I turned 
 the corner in my hansom, was but the light 
 that I myself had left burning in the deso- 
 late passage. 
 
 I can give you no conception of the night 
 that I spent. Most of it I hung across the 
 sill, throwing a wide net with my ears, 
 catching every footstep afar ofif, every han- 
 som bell farther still, only to gather in some 
 alien whom I seldom even landed in our 
 street. Then I would listen at the door. 
 He might come over the roof ; and eventu- 
 ally some one did; but now it was broad 
 daylight, and I flung the door open in the 
 milkman's face, which whitened at the shock 
 ii8 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 as though I had ducked him in his own 
 pail. 
 
 " You're late," I thundered as the first 
 excuse for my excitement. 
 
 " Beg your pardon," said he, indignant- 
 ly, " but I'm half an hour before my usual 
 time." 
 
 " Then I beg yours," said I ; " but the 
 fact is, Mr. Maturin has had one of his bad 
 nights, and I seem to have been waiting 
 hours for milk to make him a cup of tea." 
 
 This little fib (ready enough for a Raffles, 
 though I say it) earned me not only for- 
 giveness but that obliging sympathy which 
 is a branch of the business of the man at the 
 door. The good fellow said that he could 
 see I had been sitting up all night, and he 
 left me pluming myself upon the accidental 
 art with which I had told my very necessary 
 tarradiddle. On reflection I gave the credit 
 to instinct, not accident, and then sighed 
 afresh as I realised how the influence of the 
 master was sinking into me, and he heaven 
 knew where! But my punishment was 
 swift to follow, for within the hour the bell 
 rang imperiously twice, and there was Dr. 
 119 
 
Raffles 
 
 Theobald on our mat, in a yellow Jaeger 
 suit, with a chin as yellow jutting over the 
 flaps that he had turned up to hide his 
 pyjamas. 
 
 " What's this about a bad night ? " said 
 he. 
 
 " He couldn't sleep, and he wouldn't let 
 me," I whispered, never loosening my grasp 
 of the door, and standing tight against the 
 other wall. " But he's sleeping like a baby 
 now." 
 
 " I must see him." 
 
 " He gave strict orders that you should 
 not." 
 
 " Tm his medical man, and I " 
 
 " You know what he is," I said, shrug- 
 ging ; " the least thing wakes him, and you 
 will if you insist on seeing him now. It 
 will be the last time, I warn you! I know 
 what he said, and you don't." 
 
 The doctor cursed me under his fiery 
 moustache. 
 
 " I shall come up during the course of the 
 morning," he snarled. 
 
 "And I shall tie up the bell," I said, 
 " and if it doesn't ring he'll be sleeping 
 
 I20 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 still, but I will not risk waking him by 
 coming to the door again." 
 
 And with that I shut it in his face. I 
 was improving, as Raffles had said; but 
 what would it profit me if some evil had 
 befallen him ? And now I was prepared for 
 the worst. A boy came up whistling and 
 leaving papers on the mats ; it was getting 
 on for eight o'clock, and the whisky and 
 soda of half-past twelve stood untouched 
 and stagnant in the tumbler. If the worst 
 had happened to Raffles, I felt that I would 
 either never drink again, or else seldom do 
 anything else. 
 
 Meanwhile I could not even break my 
 fast, but roamed the flat in a misery not to 
 be described, my very linen still unchanged, 
 my cheeks and chin now tawny from the 
 unwholesome night. How long would it go 
 on ? I wondered for a time. Then I changed 
 my tune: how long could I endure it? 
 
 It went on actually until the forenoon 
 only, but my endurance cannot be measured 
 by the time, for to me every hour of it was 
 an arctic night. Yet it cannot have been 
 much after eleven when the ring came at 
 
 121 
 
Raffles 
 
 the bell, which I had forgotten to tie up 
 after all. But this was not the doctor; 
 neither, too well I knew, was it the wan- 
 derer returned. Our bell was the pneu- 
 matic one that tells you if the touch be light 
 or heavy; the hand upon it now was ten- 
 tative and shy. 
 
 The owner of the hand I had never seen 
 before. He was young and ragged, with 
 one eye blank, but the other ablaze with 
 some fell excitement. And straightway he 
 burst into a low torrent of words, of which 
 all I knew was that they were Italian, and 
 therefore news of Raffles, if only I had 
 known the language! But dumb-show 
 might help us somewhat, and in I dragged 
 him, though against his will, a new alarm 
 in his one wild eye. 
 
 " Non capite ? " he cried when I had him 
 inside and had withstood the torrent. 
 
 " No, I'm bothered if I do! " I answered, 
 guessing his question from his tone. 
 
 " Vostro amico," he repeated over and 
 over again ; and then, " Poco tempo, poco 
 tempo, poco tempo ! " 
 
 For once in my life the classical educa- 
 
 122 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 tion of my public-school days was of real 
 value. " My pal, my pal, and no time to 
 be lost ! " I translated freely, and flew for 
 my hat. 
 
 " Ecco, signore ! " cried the fellow, snatch- 
 ing the watch from my waistcoat pocket, 
 and putting one black thumb-nail on the 
 long hand, the other on the numeral 
 twelve. '' Mezzogiorno — poco tempo — poco 
 tempo ! " And again I seized his meaning, 
 that it was twenty past eleven, and we must 
 be there by twelve. But where, but where? 
 It was maddening to be summoned like this, 
 and not to know what had happened, nor to 
 have any means of finding out. But my 
 presence of mind stood by me still, I was 
 improving by seven-league strides, and I 
 crammed my handkerchief between the 
 drum and hammer of the bell before leav- 
 ing. The doctor could ring now till he was 
 black in the face, but I was not coming, 
 and he need not think it. 
 
 I half expected to find a hansom waiting, 
 
 but there was none, and we had gone some 
 
 distance down the Earl's Court Road before 
 
 we got one; in fact, we had to run to the 
 
 123 
 
Raffles 
 
 stand. Opposite is the church with the 
 clock upon it, as everybody knows, and at 
 sight of the dial my companion had wrung 
 his hands ; it was close upon the half-hour. 
 
 " Poco tempo — pochissimo ! " he wailed. 
 " Bloomburee Ske-warr," he then cried to 
 the cabman — " numero trentotto ! " 
 
 " Bloom^bury Square," I roared on my 
 own account, '* I'll show you the house when 
 we get there, only drive like be-damned ! " 
 
 My companion lay back gasping in his 
 corner. The small glass told me that my 
 own face was pretty red. 
 
 " A nice show ! " I cried ; " and not a 
 word can you tell me. Didn't you bring 
 me a note? " 
 
 I might have known by this time that he 
 had not, still I went through the pantomime 
 of writing with my finger on my cuff. But 
 he shrugged and shook his head. 
 
 " Niente," said he. " Una quistione di 
 vita, di vita 1 " 
 
 *' What's that ? " I snapped, my early 
 training come in again. " Say it slowly — 
 andante — rallentando." 
 
 Thank Italy for the stage instructions in 
 124 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 the songs one used to murder ! The fellow 
 actually understood. 
 
 " Una — quistione — di — vita." 
 
 ** Or mors, eh ? " I shouted, and up went 
 the trap-door over our heads. 
 
 " Avanti, avanti, avanti ! " cried the Ital- 
 ian, turning up his one-eyed face. 
 
 " Hell - to - leather," I translated, "and 
 double fare if you do it by twelve o'clock." 
 
 But in the streets of London how is one 
 to know the time? In the Earl's Court 
 Road it had not been half-past, and at 
 Barker's in High Street it was but a min- 
 ute later. A long half-mile a minute, that 
 was going like the wind, and indeed we had 
 done much of it at a gallop. But the next 
 hundred yards took us five minutes by the 
 next clock, and which was one to believe? 
 I fell back upon my own old watch (it was 
 my own), which made it eighteen minutes 
 to the hour as we swung across the Serpen- 
 tine bridge, and by the quarter we were in 
 the Bayswater Road — not up for once. 
 
 " Presto, presto," my pale guide mur- 
 mured. " Affretatevi — avanti ! " 
 
 " Ten bob if you do it," I cried through 
 125 
 
Raffles 
 
 the trap, without the slightest notion of 
 what we were to do. But it was " una 
 quistione di vita," and " vostro amico " 
 must and could only be my miserable Raf- 
 fles. 
 
 What a very godsend is the perfect han- 
 som to the man or woman in a hurry! It 
 had been our great good fortune to jump 
 into a perfect hansom ; there was no choice, 
 we had to take the first upon the rank, but 
 it must have deserved its place with the rest 
 nowhere. New tires, superb springs, a horse 
 in a thousand, and a driver up to every 
 trick of his trade ! In and out we went like 
 a fast half-back at the Rugby game, yet 
 where the traffic was thinnest, there were 
 we. And how he knew his way! At the 
 Marble Arch he slipped out of the main 
 stream, and so into Wigmore Street, then 
 up and in and out and on until I saw the 
 gold tips of the Museum palisade gleaming 
 between the horses' ears in the sun. Plop, 
 plop, plop ; ting, ling, ling ; bell and horse- 
 shoes, horse-shoes and bell, until the colos- 
 sal figure of C. J. Fox in a grimy toga spelt 
 Bloomsbury Square with my watch still 
 wanting three minutes to the hour. 
 
 S25 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 " What number ? " cried the good fellow 
 overhead. 
 
 " Trentotto, trentotto," said my guide, 
 but he was looking to the right, and I 
 bundled him out to show the house on foot. 
 I had not half-a-sovereign after all, but I 
 flung our dear driver a whole one instead^ 
 and only wish that it had been a hundred. 
 
 Already the Italian had his latch-key in 
 the door of 38, and in another moment we 
 were rushing up the narrow stairs of as 
 dingy a London house as prejudiced coun- 
 tryman can conceive. It was panelled, but 
 it was dark and evil-smielling, and how we 
 should have found our way even to the 
 stairs but for an unwholesome jet of yellow 
 gas in the hall, I cannot myself imagine. 
 However, up we went pell-mell, to the 
 right-about on the half-landing, and so like 
 a whirlwind into the drawing-room a few 
 steps higher. There the gas was also burn- 
 ing behind closed shutters, and the scene is 
 photographed upon my brain, though I can- 
 not have looked upon it for a whole instant 
 as I sprang in at my leader's heels. 
 
 This room also was panelled, and in the 
 127 
 
Raffles 
 
 middle of the wall on our left, his hands 
 lashed to a ring-bolt high above his head, 
 his toes barely touching the floor, his neck 
 pinioned by a strap passing through smaller 
 ring-bolts under either ear, and every inch 
 of him secured on the same principle, stood, 
 or rather hung, all that was left of Raffles, 
 for at the first glance I believed him dead. 
 A black ruler gagged him, the ends lashed 
 behind his neck, the blood upon it caked to 
 bronze in the gaslight. And in front of 
 him, ticking like a sledge-hammer, its only 
 hand upon the stroke of twelve, stood a 
 simple, old-fashioned, grandfather's clock 
 — ^but not for half an instant longer — only 
 until my guide could hurl himself upon it 
 and send the whole thing crashing into the 
 corner. An ear-splitting report accompan- 
 ied the crash, a white cloud lifted from the 
 fallen clock, and I saw a revolver smoking 
 in a vice screwed below the dial, an arrange- 
 ment of wires sprouting from the dial itself, 
 and the single hand at once at its zenith 
 and in contact with these. 
 
 "Tumble to it, Bunny?" 
 
 He was alive ,* these were his first words ; 
 128 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 the Italian had the blood-caked ruler in his 
 hand, and with his knife was reaching up to 
 cut the thongs that lashed the hands. He 
 was not tall enough, I seized him and lifted 
 him up, then fell to work with my own 
 knife upon the straps. A_nd Raffles smiled 
 faintly upon us through his blood-stains. 
 
 " I want you to tumble to it," he whis- 
 pered ; " the neatest thing in revenge I 
 ever knew, and another minute would have 
 fixed it. I've been waiting for it twelve 
 hours, watching the clock round, death at 
 the end of the lap ! Electric connection. 
 
 Simple enough. Hour-hand only O 
 
 Lord ! " 
 
 We had cut the last strap. He could not 
 stand. We supported him between us to a 
 horsehair sofa, for the room was furnished, 
 and I begged him not to speak, while his 
 one-eyed deliverer was at the door before 
 Raffles recalled him with a sharp word in 
 Italian. 
 
 " He wants to get me a drink, but that 
 
 can wait," said he, in firmer voice ; *' I 
 
 shall enjoy it the more when I've told you 
 
 what happened. Don't let him go, Bunny; 
 
 129 
 
Raffles 
 
 put your back against the door. He's a 
 decent soul, and it's lucky for me I got a 
 word with him before they trussed me up. 
 I've promised to set him up in life, and I 
 will, but I don't want him out of my sight 
 for the moment." 
 
 " If you squared him last night," I ex- 
 claimed, " why the blazes didn't he come 
 to me till the eleventh hour ? " 
 
 ** Ah, I knew he'd have to cut it fine, 
 though I hoped not quite so fine as all that. 
 But all's well that ends well, and I declare 
 I don't feel so much the worse. I shall be 
 sore about the gills for a bit — and what do 
 you think ? " 
 
 He pointed to the long black ruler with 
 the bronze stain ; it lay upon the floor ; he 
 held out his hand for it, and I gave it to 
 him. 
 
 " The same one I gagged him with," said 
 Raffles, with his still ghastly smile ; '' he 
 was a bit of an artist, old Corbucci, after 
 all ! " 
 
 " Now let's hear how you fell into his 
 clutches," said I, briskly, for I was as anx- 
 ious to hear as he seemed to tell me, only 
 130 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 for my part I could have waited until we 
 were safe in the flat. 
 
 " I do want to get it off my chest, Bun- 
 ny," old Raffles admitted, " and yet I hardly 
 can tell you after all. I followed your 
 friend with the velvet eyes. I followed him 
 all the way here. Of course I came up to 
 have a good look at the house when he'd let 
 himself in, and damme if he hadn't left the 
 door ajar! Who could resist that? I had 
 pushed it half open and had just one foot 
 on the mat when I got such a crack on the 
 head as I hope never to get again. When 
 I came to my wits they were hauling me 
 up to that ring-bolt by the hands, and old 
 Corbucci himself was bowing to me, but 
 how he got here I don't know yet." 
 
 " I can tell you that," said I, and told 
 how I had seen the Count for myself on 
 the pavement underneath our windows. 
 " Moreover," I continued, " I saw him spot 
 you, and five minutes after in Earl's Court 
 Road I was told he'd driven off in a cab. 
 He would see you following his man, drive 
 home ahead, and catch you by having the 
 door left open in the way you describe.'* 
 131 
 
Raffles 
 
 "Well," said Raffles, ''he deserved to 
 catch me somehow, for he'd come from 
 Naples on purpose, ruler and all, and the 
 ring-bolts were ready fixed, and even this 
 house taken furnished for nothing else! 
 He meant catching me before he'd done, 
 and scoring me off in exactly the same way 
 that I scored off him, only going one better 
 of course. He told me so himself, sitting 
 where I am sitting now, at three o'clock 
 this morning, and smoking a most abom- 
 inable cigar that I've smelt ever since. It 
 appears he sat twenty-four hours when I 
 left him trussed up, but he said twelve 
 would content him in my case, as there was 
 certain death at the end of them, and I 
 mightn't have life enough left to appreciate 
 my end if he made it longer. But I wouldn't 
 have trusted him if he could have got the 
 clock to go tzuice round without firing off 
 the pistol. He explained the whole mech- 
 anism of that to me ; he had thought it all 
 out on the vineyard I told you about; and 
 then he asked if I remembered what he had 
 promised me in the name of the Camorra. 
 I only remembered some vague threats, but 
 133 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 he was good enough to give me so many 
 particulars of that institution that I could 
 make a European reputation by exposing 
 the whole show if it wasn't for my unfort- 
 unate resemblance to that infernal rascal 
 Raffles. Do you think they would know 
 me at the Yard, Bunny, after all this time? 
 Upon my soul I've a good mind to risk 
 it!" 
 
 I offered no opinion on the point. How 
 could it interest me then? But interested 
 I was in Raffles, never more so in my life. 
 He had been tortured all night and half 
 a day, yet he could sit and talk Hke this 
 the moment we cut him down; he had 
 been within a minute of his death, yet he 
 was as full of life as ever; ill-treated and 
 defeated at the best, he could still smile 
 through his blood as though the boot were 
 on the other leg. I had imagined that I 
 knew my Raffles at last. I was not likely 
 so to flatter myself again. 
 
 " But what has happened to these vil- 
 lains?" I burst out, and my indignation 
 was not only against them for their cruelty, 
 but also against their victim for his phleg- 
 133 
 
Raffles 
 
 matic attitude toward them. It was diffi- 
 cult to believe that this was Raffles. 
 
 '' Oh," said he, " they were to go off to 
 Italy instanter; they should be crossing 
 now. But do Hsten to what I am telling 
 you; it's interesting, my dear man. This 
 old sinner Corbucci turns out to have been 
 no end of a boss in the Camorra — says so 
 himself. One of the capi paranze, my boy, 
 no less ; and the velvety Johnny a giovano 
 Ofwrato, Anglice, fresher. This fellow here 
 was also in it, and Tve sworn to protect 
 him from them evermore; and it's just as 
 I said, half the organ-grinders in London 
 belong, and the whole lot of them were put 
 on my tracks by secret instructions. This 
 excellent youth manufactures iced poison 
 on Saffron Hill when he's at home." 
 
 " And why on earth didn't he come to 
 me quicker? " 
 
 " Because he couldn't talk to you, he 
 could only fetch you, and it was as much 
 as his life was worth to do that before our 
 friends had departed. They were going by 
 the eleven o'clock from Victoria, and that 
 didn't leave much chance, but he certainly 
 134 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 oughtn't to have run it as fine as he did. 
 Still you must remember that I had to fix 
 things up with him in the fewest possible 
 words, in a single minute that the other 
 two were indiscreet enough to leave us 
 alone together." 
 
 The ragamuffin in question was watch- 
 ing us with all his solitary eye, as though 
 he knew that we were discussing him. 
 Suddenly he broke out in agonised accents, 
 his hands clasped, and a face so full of 
 fear that every moment I expected to see 
 him on his knees. But Raffles answered 
 kindly, reassuringly, I could tell from his 
 tone, and then turned to me with a com- 
 passionate shrug. 
 
 " He says he couldn't find the mansions, 
 Bunny, and really it's not to be wondered 
 at. I had only time to tell him to hunt 
 you up and bring you here by hook or 
 crook before twelve to-day, and after all he 
 has done that. But now the poor devil 
 thinks you're riled with him, and that we'll 
 give him away to the Camorra." 
 
 " Oh, it's not with him I'm riled," I 
 said frankly, " but with those other black- 
 135 
 
Raffles 
 
 guards, and — and with you, old chap, for 
 taking it all as you do, while such in- 
 famous scoundrels have the last laugh, and 
 are safely on their way to France ! " 
 
 Raffles looked up at me with a curiously 
 open eye, an eye that I never saw when 
 he was not in earnest. I fancied he did 
 not like my last expression but one. After 
 all, it was no laughing matter to him. 
 
 " But are they ? " said he. " I'm not so 
 sure." 
 
 " You said they were ! " 
 
 " I said they should be." 
 
 " Didn't you hear them go ? *' 
 
 '' I heard nothing but the clock all 
 night. It was like Big Ben striking at the 
 last — striking nine to the fellow on the 
 drop." 
 
 And in that open eye I saw at last a 
 deep glimmer of the ordeal through which 
 he had passed. 
 
 '* But, my dear old Raffles, if they're still 
 on the premises " 
 
 The thought was too thrilling for a fin- 
 ished sentence. 
 
 " I hope they are," he said grimly, go- 
 136 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 ing to the door. *' There's a gas on ! 
 Was that burning when you came in ? " 
 
 Now that I thought of it, yes, it had 
 been. 
 
 '' And there's a frightfully foul smell," I 
 added, as I followed RafBes down the 
 stairs. He turned to me gravely with his 
 hand upon the front-room door, and at the 
 same moment I saw a coat with an astra- 
 khan collar hanging on the pegs. 
 
 " They are in here, Bunny," he said, and 
 turned the handle. 
 
 The door would only open a few inches. 
 But a detestable odour came out, with a 
 broad bar of yellow gaslight. Raffles put 
 his handkerchief to his nose. I followed 
 his example, signing to our ally to do the 
 same, and in another minute we had all 
 three squeezed into the room. 
 
 The man with the yellow boots was 
 lying against the door, the Count's great 
 carcase sprawled upon the table, and at a 
 glance it was evident that both men had 
 been dead some hours. The old Camor- 
 rist had the stem of a liqueur-glass between 
 his swollen blue fingers, one of which had 
 137 
 
Raffles 
 
 been cut in the breakage, and the Hvid flesh 
 was also brown with the last blood that it 
 would ever shed. His face was on the 
 table, the huge moustache projecting from 
 I'.nder either leaden cheek, yet looking it- 
 self strangely alive. Broken bread and 
 scraps of frozen macaroni lay upon the 
 cloth and at the bottom of two soup-plates 
 and a tureen; the macaroni had a tinge 
 of tomato ; and there was a crimson dram 
 left in the tumblers, with an empty fiasco 
 to show whence it came. But near the 
 great grey head upon the table another 
 liqueur-glass stood, unbroken, and still full 
 of some white and stinking liquid; and 
 near that a tiny silver flask, which made 
 me recoil from Raffles as I had not from 
 the dead ; for I knew it to be his. 
 
 " Come out of this poisonous air," he 
 said sternly, " and I will tell you how it 
 has happened." 
 
 So we all three gathered together in the 
 hall. But it was Raffles who stood nearest 
 the street-door, his back to it, his eyes 
 npon us two. And though it was to me 
 only that he spoke at first, he would pause 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 from point to point, and translate into 
 Italian for the benefit of the one-eyed alien 
 to whom he owed his life. 
 
 " You probably don't even know the 
 name, Bunny," he began, " of the deadliest 
 poison yet known to science. It is cyanide 
 of cacodyl, and I have carried that small 
 flask of it about with me for months. 
 Where I got it matters nothing ; the whole 
 point is that a mere sniff reduces flesh to 
 clay. I have never had any opinion of sui- 
 cide, as you know, but I always felt it 
 worth while to be fore-armed against the 
 very worst. Well, a bottle of this stuff 
 is calculated to stiffen an ordinary room- 
 ful of ordinary people within five minutes; 
 and I remembered my flask when they had 
 me as good as crucified in the small hours 
 of this morning. I asked them to take it 
 out of my pocket. I begged them to give 
 me a drink before they left me. And what 
 do you suppose they did ? " 
 
 I thought of many things but suggested 
 none, while Raflles turned this much of his 
 statement into sufficiently fluent Italian. 
 But when he faced me again his face was 
 still flaming. 
 
 139 
 
Raffles 
 
 " That beast Corbucci ! " said he—" how 
 can I pity him? He took the flask; he 
 would give me none; he flicked me in the 
 face instead. My idea was that he, at 
 least, should go with me — to sell my life 
 as dearly as that — and a sniff would have 
 settled us both. But no, he must tantalise 
 and torment me; he thought it brandy; 
 he must take it downstairs to drink to my 
 destruction ! Can you have any pity for a 
 hound like that?" 
 
 *' Let us go," I at last said, hoarsely, as 
 Raffles finished speaking in Italian, and 
 his second listener stood open-mouthed. 
 
 " We will go," said Raffles, " and we 
 will chance being seen ; if the worst comes 
 to the worst this good chap will prove that 
 I have been tied up since one o'clock this 
 morning, and the medical evidence will de- 
 cide how long those dogs have been dead." 
 
 But the worst did not come to the worst, 
 more power to my unforgotten friend the 
 cabman, who never came forward to say 
 what manner of men he had driven to 
 Bloomsbury Square at top speed on the 
 very day upon which the tragedy was dis- 
 140 
 
The Last Laugh 
 
 covered there, or whence he had driven 
 them. To be sure, they had not behaved 
 like murderers, whereas the evidence at the 
 inquest all went to show that the defunct 
 Corbucci was little better. His reputation, 
 which transpired with his identity, was 
 that of a libertine and a renegade, while 
 the infernal apparatus upstairs revealed the 
 fiendish arts of the anarchist to boot. 
 The inquiry resulted eventually in an open 
 verdict, and was chiefly instrumental in 
 killing such compassion as is usually felt 
 for the dead who die in their sins. 
 
 But RafHes would not have passed this 
 title for this tale. 
 
 141 
 
TO CATCH A THIEF 
 
 SOCIETY persons are not likely to, have 
 forgotten the series of audacious rob- 
 beries by which so many of themselves 
 suffered in turn during the brief course of 
 a recent season. Raid after raid was made 
 upon the smartest houses in town, and 
 within a few weeks more than one exalted 
 head had been shorn of its priceless tiara. 
 The Duke and Duchess of Dorchester lost 
 half the portable pieces of their historic 
 plate on the very night of their Graces' 
 almost equally historic costume ball. The 
 Kenworthy diamonds were taken in broad 
 daylight, during the excitement of a chari- 
 table meeting on the ground floor, and 
 the gifts of her belted oridegroom to Lady 
 May Paulton while the outer air was thick 
 with a prismatic shower of confetti. It 
 was obvious that all this was the work of 
 142 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 no ordinary thief, and perhaps inevitable 
 that the name of Raffles should have been 
 dragged from oblivion by callous disre- 
 specters of the departed and unreasoning 
 apologists for the police. These wiseacres 
 did not hesitate to bring a dead man back 
 to life because they knew of no living one 
 capable of such feats; it is their heed- 
 less and inconsequent calumnies that the 
 present paper is partly intended to refute. 
 As a matter of fact, our joint innocence in 
 this matter was only exceeded by our com- 
 mon envy, and for a long time, like the 
 rest of the world, neither of us had the 
 slightest clue to the identity of the person 
 who was following in our steps with such 
 irritating results. 
 
 " I should mind less," said Raffles, " if 
 the fellow were really playing my game. 
 But abuse of hospitality was never one of 
 my strokes, and it seems to me the only 
 shot he's got. When we took old Lady 
 Melrose's necklace, Bunny, we were not 
 staying with the Melroses, if you recollect.'* 
 
 We were discussing the robberies for the 
 hundredth time, but for once under condi- 
 143 
 
Raffles 
 
 tions more favourable to animated conver- 
 sation than our unique circumstances per- 
 mitted in the flat. We did not often dine 
 out. Dr. Theobald was one impediment, the 
 risk of recognition was another. But there 
 were exceptions, when the doctor was 
 away or the patient defiant, and on these 
 rare occasions we frequented a certain un- 
 pretentious restaurant in the Fulham quar- 
 ter, where the cooking was plain but ex- 
 cellent, and the cellar a surprise. Our 
 bottle of '89 champagne was empty to the 
 label when the subject arose, to be touched 
 by Raffles in the reminiscent manner indi- 
 cated above. I can see his clear eye upon 
 me now, reading me, weighing me. But 
 I was not so sensitive to his scrutiny at 
 the time. His tone was deliberate, calcu- 
 lating, preparatory ; not as I heard it then, 
 though a head full of wine, but as it floats 
 back to me across the gulf between that 
 moment and this. 
 
 " Excellent fillet ! " said I grossly. " So 
 you think this chap is as much in society 
 as we were, do you ? " 
 
 I preferred not to think so myself. We 
 144 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 had cause enough for jealousy without 
 that. But Raffles raised his eyebrows an 
 eloquent half-inch. 
 
 " As much, my dear Bunny? He is not 
 only in it, but of it ; there's no comparison 
 between us there. Society is in rings like 
 a target, and we never were in the bullV 
 eye, however thick you may lay on the 
 ink! I was asked for my cricket. I 
 haven't forgotten it yet. But this fellow's 
 one of themselves, with the right of entree 
 into houses which we could only * enter * 
 in a professional sense. That's obvious un- 
 less all these little exploits are the work 
 of different hands, which they as obviously 
 are not. And it's why I'd give five hun- 
 dred pounds to put salt on him to-night ! " 
 
 " Not you," said I, as I drained my glass 
 in festive incredulity. 
 
 " But I would, my dear Bunny. Waiter 1 
 another half-bottle of this," and Raffles 
 leant across the table as the empty one 
 was taken away. " I never was more seri- 
 ous in my life," he continued below his 
 breath. *' Whatever else our successor may 
 be, he's not a dead man like me, or a 
 145 
 
Raffles 
 
 marked man like you. If there's any truth 
 in my theory he's one of the last people 
 upon whom suspicion is ever likely to 
 rest; and oh, Bunny, what a partner he 
 would make for you and me ! " 
 
 Under less genial influences the very 
 idea of a third partner would have filled 
 my soul with offence; but Raffles had 
 chosen his moment unerringly, and his ar- 
 guments lost nothing by the flowing ac- 
 companiment of the extra pint. They 
 were, however, quite strong in themselves. 
 The gist of them was that thus far we had 
 remarkably little to show for what Raffles 
 would call " our second innings." This 
 even I could not deny. We had scored a 
 few " long singles," but our " best shots " 
 had gone " straight to hand," and we were 
 " playing a deuced slow game." Therefore 
 we needed a new partner — and the meta- 
 phor failed Raffles. It had served its turn. 
 I already agreed with him. In truth I was 
 tired of my false position as hireling at- 
 tendant, and had long fancied myself an 
 object of suspicion to that other impostor 
 the doctor. A fresh, untrammelled start 
 146 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 was a fascinating idea to me, though two 
 was company, and three in our case might 
 be worse than none. But I did not see 
 how we could hope, with our respective 
 handicaps, to solve a problem which was 
 already the despair of Scotland Yard. 
 
 " Suppose I have solved it," observed 
 Raffles, cracking a walnut in his palm. 
 
 " How could you ? " I asked, without be- 
 lieving for an instant that he had. 
 
 " I have been taking the Morning Post 
 for some time now." 
 
 "Well?" 
 
 " You have got me a good many odd 
 numbers of the less base society papers." 
 
 " I can't for the life of me see what 
 you're driving at." 
 
 Raffles smiled indulgently as he cracked 
 another nut. 
 
 " That's because you've neither observa- 
 tion nor imagination, Bunny — and yet you 
 try to write ! Well, you wouldn't think it, 
 but I have a fairly complete list of the 
 people who were at the various functions 
 under cover of which these different little 
 coups were brought off." 
 
Raffles 
 
 I said very stolidly that I did not see 
 how that could help him. It was the only 
 answer to his good-humoured but self- 
 satisfied contempt ; it happened also to be 
 true. 
 
 " Think/' said Raffles, in a patient voice. 
 
 " When thieves break in and steal," said 
 I, " upstairs, I don't see much point in 
 discovering who was downstairs at the 
 time." 
 
 "Quite," said Raffles— " when they do 
 break in." 
 
 *' But that's what they have done in 
 all these cases. An upstairs door found 
 screwed up, when things were at their 
 height below; thief gone and jewels with 
 him before alarm could be raised. Why, 
 the trick's so old that I never knew you 
 condescend to play it." 
 
 " Not so old as it looks," said Raffles, 
 choosing the cigars and handing me mine. 
 " Cognac or Benedictine, Bunny? " 
 
 " Brandy," I said coarsely. 
 
 " Besides," he went on, " the rooms were 
 not screwed up; at Dorchester House, at 
 any rate, the door was only locked, and the 
 148 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 key missing, so that it might have been 
 done on either side/* 
 
 " But that was where he left his rope- 
 ladder behind him ! '* I exclaimed in tri- 
 umph; but Raffles only shook his head. 
 
 " I don't believe in that rope-ladder, 
 Bunny, except as a blind/' 
 
 " Then what on earth do you believe ? " 
 
 " That every one of these so-called bur- 
 glaries has been done from the inside, by 
 one of the guests; and what's more I'm 
 very much mistaken if I haven't spotted 
 the right sportsman." 
 
 I began to believe that he really had, 
 there was such a wicked gravity in the 
 eyes that twinkled faintly into mine. I 
 raised my glass in convivial congratula- 
 tion, and still remember the somewhat 
 anxious eye with which Raffles saw it 
 emptied. 
 
 " I can only find one likely name," he 
 continued, " that figures in all these Hsts, 
 and it is anything but a likely one at first 
 sight. Lord Ernest Belville was at all 
 those functions. Know anything about 
 him, Bunny ? " 
 
 149 
 
Raffles 
 
 "Not the Rational Drink fanatic?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " That's all I want to know." 
 
 " Quite," said Raffles ; " and yet what 
 could be more promising? A man whose 
 views are so broad and moderate, and so 
 widely held already (saving your presence. 
 Bunny), does not bore the world with them 
 without ulterior motives. So far so good. 
 What are this chap's motives? Does he 
 want to advertise himself? No, he's some- 
 body already. But is he rich? On the 
 contrary, he's as poor as a rat for his po- 
 sition, and apparently without the least 
 ambition to be anything else ; certainly he 
 won't enrich himself by making a public 
 fad of what all sensible people are agreed 
 upon as it is. Then suddenly one gets 
 one's own old idea — the alternative pro- 
 fession ! My cricket — his Rational Drink ! 
 But it is no use jumping to conclusions. I 
 must know more than the newspapers can 
 tell me. Our aristocratic friend is forty, 
 and unmarried. What has he been doing 
 all these years? How the devil was I to 
 find out?" 
 
 150 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 " How did you ? " I asked, declining to 
 spoil my digestion with a conundrum, as 
 it was his evident intention that I should. 
 
 " Interviewed him ! " said Raffles, smil- 
 ing slowly on my amazement. 
 
 " You — interviewed him ? " I echoed. 
 " When — and where ? " 
 
 " Last Thursday night, when, if you re- 
 member, we kept early hours, because I 
 felt done. What was the use of telling 
 you what I had up my sleeve, Bunny? It 
 might have ended in fizzle, as it still may. 
 But Lord Ernest Belville was addressing 
 the meeting at Exeter Hall; I waited for 
 him when the show was over, dogged him 
 home to King John's Mansions, and in- 
 terviewed him in his own rooms there be- 
 fore he turned in." 
 
 My journalistic jealousy was piqued to 
 the quick. Affecting a scepticism I did 
 not feel (for no outrage was beyond the 
 pale of his impudence), I inquired dryly 
 which journal Raffles had pretended to 
 represent. It is unnecessary to report his 
 answer. I could not believe him without 
 further explanation. 
 
 151 
 
Raffles 
 
 " I should have thought," he said, " that 
 even you would have spotted a practice I 
 never omit upon certain occasions. I al- 
 ways pay a visit to the drawing-room and 
 fill my waistcoat pocket from the card-tray. 
 It is an immense help in any little tem- 
 porary impersonation. On Thursday night 
 I sent up the card of a powerful writer 
 connected with a powerful paper; if Lord 
 Ernest had known him in the flesh I 
 should have been obliged to confess to a 
 journalistic ruse ; luckily he didn't — and I 
 had been sent by my editor to get the in- 
 terview for next morning. What could be 
 better — for the alternative profession ? " 
 
 I inquired what the interview had 
 brought forth. 
 
 " Everything," said RafHes. " Lord Er- 
 nest has been a wanderer these twenty 
 years. Texas, Fiji, Australia. I suspect 
 him of wives and families in all three. But 
 his manners are a liberal education. He 
 gave me some beautiful whisky, and for- 
 got all about his fad. He is strong and 
 subtle, but I talked him off his guard. He 
 is going to the Kir^leathams* to-night — I 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 saw the card stuck up. I stuck some wax 
 into his keyhole as he was switching off 
 the lights." 
 
 And, with an eye upon the waiters, Raf- 
 fles showed me a skeleton key, newly 
 twisted and filed; but my share of the 
 extra pint (I am afraid no fair share) had 
 made me dense. I looked from the key to 
 Raffles with puckered forehead — for I hap- 
 pened to catch sight of it in the mirror 
 behind him. 
 
 " The Dowager Lady Kirkleatham," he 
 whispered, " has diamonds as big as beans, 
 and likes to have 'em all on — and goes to 
 bed early — and happens to be in town ! " 
 
 And now I saw. 
 
 " The villain means to get them from 
 her!" 
 
 " And I mean to get them from the 
 villain," said Raffles ; " or, rather, your 
 share and mine." 
 
 " Will he consent to a partnership ? " 
 
 " We shall have him at our mercy. He 
 daren't refuse." 
 
 Raffles's plan was to gain access to Lord 
 Ernest's rooms before midnight ; there we 
 153 
 
Raffles 
 
 were to lie in wait for the aristocratic ras- 
 cal, and if I left all details to Raffles, and 
 simply stood by in case of a rumpus, I 
 should be playing my part and earning my 
 share. It was a part that I had played be- 
 fore, not always with a good grace, though 
 there had never been any question about 
 the share. But to-night I was nothing 
 loth. I had had just champagne enough — 
 how Raffles knew my measure ! — and I was 
 ready and eager for anything. Indeed, I 
 did not wish to wait for the coffee, which 
 was to be especially strong by order of 
 Raffles. But on that he insisted, and it was 
 between ten and eleven when at last we 
 were in our cab. 
 
 ** It would be fatal to be too early," he 
 said as we drove ; " on the other hand, it 
 would be dangerous to leave it too late. 
 One must risk something. How I should 
 love to drive down Piccadilly and see the 
 lights ! But unnecessary risks are another 
 story." 
 
 154 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 II 
 
 King John*s Mansions, as everybody 
 knows, are the oldest, the ugliest, and the 
 tallest block of fiats in all London. But 
 they are built upon a more generous scale 
 than has since become the rule, and with 
 a less studious regard for the economy o! 
 space. We were about to drive into the 
 spacious courtyard when the gate-keeper 
 checked us in order to let another hansom 
 drive out. It contained a middle-aged man 
 of the military type, like ourselves in even- 
 ing dress. That much I saw as his han- 
 som crossed our bows, because I could not 
 help seeing it, but I should not have given 
 the incident a second thought if it had not 
 been for his extraordinary effect upon 
 Raffles. In an instant he was out upon 
 the curb, paying the cabby, and in another 
 he was leading me across the street, away 
 from the mansions. 
 
 "Where on earth are you going?" I 
 naturally exclaimed. 
 
 " Into the park," said he. " We are too 
 early." 
 
 155 
 
Raffles 
 
 His voice told me more than his words. 
 It was strangely stem. 
 
 ** Was that him — in the hansom ? " 
 
 " It was." 
 
 *' Well, then, the coast's clear," said I, 
 comfortably. I was for turning back then 
 and there, but Raffles forced me on with 
 a hand that hardened on my arm. 
 
 " It was a nearer thing than I care 
 about," said he. " This seat will do ; no, 
 the next one's further from a lamp-post. 
 We will give him a good half-hour, and I 
 don't want to talk." 
 
 We had been seated some minutes when 
 Big Ben sent a languid chime over our 
 heads to the stars. It was half-past ten, 
 and a sultry night. Eleven had struck be- 
 fore Raffles awoke from his sullen reverie, 
 and recalled me from mine with a slap on 
 the back. In a couple of minutes we were 
 in the lighted vestibule at the inner end of 
 the courtyard of King John's Mansions. 
 
 "Just left Lord Ernest at Lady Kirk- 
 leatham's," said Raffles. " Gave me his 
 key and asked us to wait for him in his 
 rooms. Will you send us up in the Hft ? " 
 
 156 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 In a small way, I never knew old Raffles 
 do anything bette: There was not an 
 instant's demur. Lord Ernest Belville's 
 rooms were at the top of the building, but 
 we were in them as quickly as Hft could 
 carry and page-boy conduct us. And there 
 was no need for the skeleton key after all ; 
 the boy opened the outer door with one 
 of his own, and switched on the lights be- 
 fore leaving us. 
 
 " Now that's interesting," said Raffles, 
 as soon as we were alone; "they can 
 come in and clean when he is out. What 
 if he keeps his swag at the bank? By 
 Jove, that's an idea for him I I don't be- 
 lieve he's getting rid of it ; it's all lying 
 low somewhere, if I'm not mistaken, and 
 he's not a fool." 
 
 While he spoke he was moving about 
 the sitting-room, which was charmingly 
 furnished in the antique style, and making 
 as many remarks as though he were an 
 auctioneer's clerk with an inventory to pre- 
 pare and a day to do it in, instead of a 
 cracksman who might be surprised in his 
 crib at any moment. 
 
 157 
 
Raffles 
 
 " Chippendale of sorts, eh, Bunny ? Not 
 genuine, of course ; but where can you get 
 genuine Chippendale now, and who knows 
 it when they see it? There's no merit in 
 mere antiquity. Yet the way people pose 
 on the subject ! If a thing's handsome and 
 useful, and good cabinet-making, it's good 
 enough for me." 
 
 ** Hadn't we better explore the whole 
 place ? " I suggested nervously. He had 
 not even bolted the outer door. Nor would 
 he when I called his attention to the 
 omission. 
 
 " If Lord Ernest finds his rooms locked 
 up he'll raise Cain," said Raffles ; " we 
 must let him come in and lock up for him- 
 self before we corner him. But he won't 
 come yet ; if he did it might be awkward, 
 for they'd tell him down below what I told 
 them. A new staff comes on at midnight. 
 I discovered that the other night." 
 
 " Supposing he does come in before? " 
 
 " Well, he can't have us turned out 
 without first seeing who we are, and he 
 won't try it on when I've had one word 
 with him. Unless my suspicions are un- 
 founded, I mean." 
 
 158 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 " Isn't it about time to test them ? " 
 
 " My good Bunny, what do you suppose 
 I've been doing all this while? He keeps 
 nothing in here. There isn't a lock to the 
 Chippendale that you couldn't pick with a 
 penknife, and not a loose board in the 
 floor, for I was treading for one before the 
 boy left us. Chimney's no use in a place 
 Hke this where they keep them swept for 
 you. Yes, I'm quite ready to try his bed- 
 room." 
 
 There was but a bath-room besides ; no 
 kitchen, no servant's room ; neither are 
 necessary in King John's Mansions. I 
 thought it as well to put my head inside 
 the bath-room while Raffles went into the 
 bedroom, for I was tormented by the hor- 
 rible idea that the man might all this time 
 be concealed somewhere in the flat. But 
 the bath-room blazed void in the electric 
 light. I found Raflles hanging out of the 
 starry square which was the bedroom win- 
 dow, for the room was still in darkness. 
 I felt for the switch at the door. 
 
 " Put it out again ! " said Raffles fiercely. 
 He rose from the sill, drew blind and cur- 
 159 
 
Raffles 
 
 tains carefully, then switched on the light 
 himself. It fell upon a face creased more 
 in pity than in anger, and Raffles only 
 shook his head as I hung mine. 
 
 " It's all right, old boy," said he ; " but 
 corridors have windows too, and servants 
 have eyes ; and you and I are supposed to 
 be in the other room, not in this. But 
 cheer up. Bunny ! This is the room ; look 
 at the extra bolt on the door; he's had 
 that put on, and there's an iron ladder to 
 his window in case of fire ! Way of escape 
 ready against the hour of need; he's a 
 better man than I thought him, Bunny, 
 after all. But you may bet your bottom 
 dollar that if there's any boodle in the flat 
 it's in this room." 
 
 Yet the room was very lightly fur- 
 nished; and nothing was locked. We 
 looked everywhere, but we looked in vain. 
 The wardrobe was filled with hanging coats 
 and trousers in a press, the drawers with 
 the softest silk and finest linen. It was a 
 camp-bedstead that would not have unset- 
 tled an anchorite; there was no place for 
 treasure there. I looked up the chimney, 
 1 60 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 but Raffles told me not to be a fool, and 
 asked if I ever listened to what he said. 
 There was no question about his temper 
 now. I never knew him in a worse. 
 
 " Then he has got it in the bank," he 
 growled. " I'll swear I'm not mistaken In 
 my man ! " 
 
 I had the tact not to differ with him 
 there. But I could not help suggesting 
 that now was our time to remedy any mis- 
 take we might have made. We were on 
 the right side of midnight still. 
 
 " Then we stultify ourselves downstairs," 
 said Raffles. " No, I'll be shot if I do ! 
 He may come in with the Kirkleatham 
 diamonds ! You do what you like. Bunny, 
 but I don't budge." 
 
 " I certainly sha'n't leave you," I re- 
 torted, " to be knocked into the middle of 
 next week by a better man than yourself." 
 
 I had borrowed his own tone, and he 
 did not like it. They never do. I thought 
 for a moment that Raffles was going to 
 strike me — for the first and last time in his 
 life. He could if he Hked. My blood was 
 up. I was ready to send him to the devil. 
 i6i 
 
Raffles 
 
 And I emphasised my offence by nodding 
 and shrugging toward a pair of very large 
 Indian clubs that stood in the fender, on 
 either side of the chimney up which I had 
 presumed to glance. 
 
 In an instant Raffles had seized the 
 clubs, and was whirling them about his 
 grey head in a mixture of childish pique 
 and puerile bravado which I should have 
 thought him altogether above. And sud- 
 denly as I watched him his face changed, 
 softened, lit up, and he swung the clubs 
 gently down upon the bed. 
 
 " They're not heavy enough for their 
 size," said he rapidly; "and I'll take my 
 oath they're not the same weight ! " 
 
 He shook one club after the other, with 
 both hinds, close to his ear; then he ex- 
 amined their butt-ends under the electric 
 light. I saw what he suspected now% and 
 caught the contagion of his suppressed 
 excitement. Neither of us spoke. But 
 RafBes had taken out the portable tool- 
 box that he called a knife, and always car- 
 ried, and as he opened the gimlet he 
 handed me the club he held. Instinctively 
 162 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 I tucked the small end under my arm, and 
 presented the other to Raffles. 
 
 " Hold him tight," he whispered, smil- 
 ing. " He's not only a better man than I 
 thought him, Bunny; he's hit upon a bet- 
 ter dodge than ever I did, of its kind. 
 Only I should have weighted them evenly 
 — to a hair." 
 
 He had screwed the gimlet into the cir- 
 cular butt, close to the edge, and now we 
 were wrenching in opposite directions. 
 For a moment or more nothing happened. 
 Then all at once something gave, and Raf- 
 fles swore an oath as soft as any prayer. 
 And for the minute after that his hand 
 went round and round with the gimlet, as 
 though he were grinding a piano-organ, 
 while the end wormed slowly out on its 
 delicate thread of fine hard wood. 
 
 The clubs were as hollow as drinking- 
 horns, the pair of them, for we went from 
 one to the other without pausing to undo 
 the padded packets that poured out upon 
 the bed. These were deliciously heavy to 
 the hand, yet thickly swathed in cotton- 
 wool, so that some stuck together, retain- 
 163 
 
Raffles 
 
 ing the shape of the cavity, as though they 
 had been run out of a mould. And when 
 we did open them — but let Raffles speak. 
 
 He had deputed me to screw in the ends 
 of the clubs, and to replace the latter in 
 the fender where we had found them. 
 When I had done the counterpane was 
 glittering with diamonds where it was not 
 shimmering with pearls. 
 
 " If this isn't the tiara that Lady May 
 was married in," said Raffles, " and that 
 disappeared out of the room she changed 
 in, while it rained confetti on the steps, 
 I'll present it to her instead of the one 
 she lost. ... It was stupid to keep 
 these old gold spoons, valuable as they are ; 
 they made the difference in the weight . . . 
 Here we have probably the Kenworthy 
 diamonds ... I don't know the his- 
 tory of these pearls . . . This looks like 
 one family of rings — left on the basin- 
 stand, perhaps — alas, poor lady! And 
 that's the lot." 
 
 Our eyes met across the bed. 
 
 '^What's it all worth?" I asked, 
 hoarsely. 
 
 164 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 " Impossible to say. But more than all 
 we ever took in all our lives. That Til 
 swear to." 
 
 " More than all " 
 
 My tongue swelled with the thought. 
 
 " But it'll take some turning into cash, 
 old chap ! " 
 
 " And — must it be a partnership ? " I 
 asked, finding a lugubrious voice at length. 
 
 " Partnership be damned ! " cried Raffles, 
 heartily. '' Let's get out quicker than we 
 came in." 
 
 We pocketed the things between us, 
 cotton-wool and all, not because we want- 
 ed the latter, but to remove all immediate 
 traces of our really meritorious deed. 
 
 " The sinner won't dare to say a word 
 when he does find out," remarked Rafifles 
 of Lord Ernest ; " but that's no reason why 
 he should find out before he must. Every- 
 thing's straight in here, I think; no, bet- 
 ter leave the window open as it was, and 
 the blind up. Now out with the light. 
 One peep at the other room. That's all 
 right, too. Out with the passage light, 
 
 Bunny, while I open " 
 
 165 
 
Raffles 
 
 His words died away in a whisper. A 
 key was fumbling at the lock outside. 
 
 " Out with it — out with it ! " whispered 
 Raffles in an agony; and as I obeyed he 
 picked me off my feet and swung me bod- 
 ily but silently into the bedroom, just as 
 the outer door opened, and a masterful 
 step strode in. 
 
 The next five were horrible minutes. 
 We heard the apostle of Rational Drink 
 unlock one of the deep drawers in his 
 antique sideboard, and sounds followed 
 suspiciously like the splash of spirits and 
 the steady stream from a siphon. Never 
 before or since did I experience such a 
 thirst as assailed me at that moment, nor 
 do I believe that many tropical explorers 
 have known its equal. But I had Raffles 
 with me, and his hand was as steady and 
 as cool as the hand of a trained nurse. 
 That I know because he turned up the 
 collar of my overcoat for me, for some 
 reason, and buttoned it at the throat. I 
 afterwards found that he had done the 
 same to his own, but I did not hear him 
 doing it. The one thing I heard in the 
 i66 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 bedroom was a tiny metallic click, muffled 
 and deadened in his overcoat pocket, and 
 it not only removed my last tremor, but 
 strung me to a higher pitch of excitement 
 than ever. Yet I had then no conception 
 of the game that Raffles was deciding to 
 play, and that I was to play with him in 
 another minute. 
 
 It cannot have been longer before Lord 
 Ernest came into his bedroom. Heavens, 
 but my heart had not forgotten how to 
 thump ! We were standing near the door, 
 and I could swear he touched me; then 
 his boots creaked, there was a rattle in the 
 fender — and Raffles switched on the Hght. 
 
 Lord Ernest Belville crouched in its 
 glare with one Indian club held by the 
 end, like a footman with a stolen bottle. 
 A good-looking, well-built, iron-grey, iron- 
 jawed man ; but a fool and a weakling at 
 that moment, if he had never been either 
 before. 
 
 "Lord Ernest Belville," said Raffles, 
 
 " it's no use. This is a loaded revolver, 
 
 and if you force me I shall use it on you 
 
 as I would on any other desperate criminal. 
 
 167 
 
Raffles 
 
 I am here to arrest you for a series of 
 robberies at the Duke of Dorchester's, Sir 
 John Kenworthy's, and other noblemen's 
 and gentlemen's houses during the present 
 season. You'd better drop what you've 
 got in your hand. It's empty." 
 
 Lord Ernest lifted the dub an inch or 
 two, and with it his eyebrows — and after 
 it his stalwart frame as the club crashed 
 back into the fender. And as he stood at 
 his full height, a courteous but ironic smile 
 under the cropped moustache, he looked 
 what he was, criminal or not. 
 
 '' Scotland Yard?" said he. 
 
 " That's our affair, my lord." 
 
 " I didn't think they'd got it in them," 
 said Lord Ernest. '' Now I recognise you. 
 You're my interviewer. No, I didn't think 
 any of you fellows had got all that in you. 
 Come into the other room, and I'll show 
 you something else. Oh, keep me covered 
 by all means. But look at this ! " 
 
 On the antique sideboard, their size 
 doubled by reflection in the polished ma- 
 hogany, lay a coruscating cluster of pre- 
 cious stones, that fell in festoons about 
 i68 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 Lord Ernest's fingers as he handed them 
 to Raffles with scarcely a shrug. 
 
 " The Kirkleatham diamonds," said he. 
 " Better add 'em to the bag." 
 
 Raffles did so without a smile; with his 
 overcoat buttoned up to the chin, his tall 
 hat pressed down to his eyes, and between 
 the two his incisive features and his keen, 
 stern glance, he looked the ideal detective 
 of fiction and the stage. What / looked 
 God knows, but I did my best to glower 
 and show my teeth at his side. I had 
 thrown myself into the game, and it was 
 obviously a winning one. 
 
 " Wouldn't take a share, I suppose ? '* 
 Lord Ernest said casually. 
 
 Raffles did not condescend to reply. I 
 rolled back my lips like a bull-pup. 
 
 " Then a drink, at least ! " 
 
 My mouth watered, but Raffles shook 
 his head impatiently. 
 
 " We must be going, my lord, and you 
 will have to come with us." 
 
 I wondered what in the world we should 
 do with him when we had got him. 
 
 " Give me time to put some things to- 
 169 
 
Raffles 
 
 gather? Pair of pajamas and tooth-brusH, 
 don't you know ? " 
 
 *' I cannot give you many minutes, my 
 lord, but I don't want to cause a disturb- 
 ance here, so I'll tell them to call a cab 
 if you like. But I shall be back in a mm- 
 ute^ and you must be ready in five. Here, 
 inspector, you'd better keep this while I 
 am gone." 
 
 And I was left alone with that dangerous 
 criminal ! Raffles nipped my arm as he 
 handed me the revolver, but I got small 
 comfort out of that. 
 
 " * Sea-green Incorruptible ? ' " inquired 
 Lord Ernest as we stood face to face. 
 
 " You don't corrupt me," I replied 
 through naked teeth. 
 
 " Then come into my room. I'll lead 
 the way. Think you can hit me if I mis- 
 behave ? " 
 
 I put the bed between us without a 
 second's delay. My prisoner flung a suit- 
 case upon it, and tossed things into it 
 with a dejected air; suddenly, as he was 
 fitting them in, without raising his head 
 (which I was watching), his right hand 
 170 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 closed over the barrel with which I cov- 
 ered him. 
 
 " You'd better not shoot," he said, a 
 knee upon his side of the bed ; " if you do 
 it may be as bad for you as it will be for 
 me!" 
 
 I tried to wrest the revolver from him. 
 
 " I will if you force me," I hissed. 
 
 " You'd better not," he repeated, smil- 
 ing; and now I saw that if I did I should 
 only shoot into the bed or my own legs. 
 His hand was on the top of mine, bending 
 it down, and the revolver with it. The 
 strength of it was as the strength of ten 
 of mine ; and now both his knees were on 
 the bed; and suddenly I saw his other 
 hand, doubled into a fist, coming up slowly 
 over the suit-case. 
 
 " Help ! " I called feebly. 
 
 " Help, forsooth ! I begin to believe you 
 are from the Yard," he said — and his 
 upper-cut came with the '' yard." It caught 
 me under the chin. It Hfted me oflF my 
 legs. I have a dim recollection of the 
 crash that I made in falling. 
 
 I7X 
 
Raffles 
 
 III 
 
 Raffles was standing over me when I 
 recovered consciousness. I lay stretched 
 upon the bed across which that black- 
 guard Belville had struck his knavish 
 blow. The suit-case was on the floor, but 
 its dastardly owner had disappeared. 
 
 " Is he gone ? " was my first faint ques- 
 tion. 
 
 '' Thank God you're not, anyway ! " re- 
 plied Raffles, with what struck me then as 
 mere flippancy. I managed to raise my- 
 self upon one elbow. 
 
 " I meant Lord Ernest Belville," said I 
 with dignity. " Are you quite sure that 
 he's cleared out? " 
 
 Raffles waved a hand towards the win- 
 dow, which stood wide open to the sum- 
 mer stars. 
 
 " Of course," said he, " and by the route 
 I intended him to take; he's gone by the 
 iron ladder, as I hoped he would. What 
 on earth should we have done with him? 
 My poor dear Bunny, I thought you'd 
 take a bribe ! But it's really more convinc- 
 172 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 ing as it is, and just as well for Lord Er- 
 nest to be convinced for the time being/' 
 
 " Are you sure he is ? " I questioned, as 
 I found a rather shaky pair of legs. 
 
 " Of course ! " cried Raffles again, in the 
 tone to make one blush for the least mis- 
 giving on the point. " Not that it matters 
 one bit," he added, airily, " for we have 
 him either way ; and when he does tumble 
 to it, as he may any minute, he won't dare 
 to open his mouth." 
 
 " Then the sooner we clear out the bet- 
 ter," said I, but I looked askance at the 
 open window, for my head was spinning 
 still. 
 
 *' When you feel up to it," returned 
 Raffles, " we shall stroll out, and I shall do 
 myself the honour of ringing for the lift. 
 The force of habit is too strong in you, 
 Bunny. I shall shut the window and leave 
 everything exactly as we found it. Lord 
 Ernest will probably tumble before he is 
 badly missed ; and then he may come back 
 to put salt on us ; but I should like to 
 know what he can do even if he succeeds ! 
 Come, Bunny, pull yourself together, and 
 173 
 
Raffles 
 
 you'll be a different man when youVe in 
 the open air." 
 
 And for a while I felt one, such was my 
 relief at getting out of those infernal man- 
 sions with unfettered wrists ; this we man- 
 aged easily enough; but once more Raf- 
 fles's performance of a small part was no 
 less perfect than his more ambitious work 
 upstairs, and something of the successful 
 artist's elation possessed him as we walked 
 arm-in-arm across St. James's Park. It 
 was long since I had known him so pleased 
 with himself, and only too long since he 
 had had such reason. 
 
 " I don't think I ever had a brighter 
 idea in my Hfe," he said ; " never thought 
 of it till he was in the next room ; never 
 dreamt of its coming off so ideally even 
 then, and didn't much care, because we 
 had him all ways up. I'm only sorry you 
 let him knock you out. I was waiting out- 
 side the door all the time, and it made me 
 sick to hear it. But I once broke my own 
 head. Bunny, if you remember, and not in 
 half such an excellent cause ! " 
 
 Raffles touched all his pockets in his 
 174 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 turn, the pockets that contained a small 
 fortune apiece, and he smiled in my face as 
 we crossed the Hghted avenues of the Mall. 
 Next moment he was hailing a hansom — 
 for I suppose I was still pretty pale — and 
 not a word would he let me speak until we 
 had alighted as near as was prudent to the 
 flat. 
 
 " What a brute I've been, Bunny I " he 
 whispered then ; " but you take half the 
 swag, old boy, and right well you've 
 earned it. No, we'll go in by the wrong 
 door and over the roof; it's too late for 
 old Theobald to be still at the play, and 
 too early for him to be safely in his cups." 
 
 So we climbed the many stairs with cat- 
 Hke stealth, and like cats crept out upon 
 the grimy leads. But to-night they were 
 no blacker than their canopy of sky; not 
 a chimney-stack stood out against the star- 
 less night; one had to feel one's way in 
 order to avoid tripping over the low para- 
 pets of the L-shaped wells that ran from 
 roof to basement to light the inner rooms. 
 One oi these wells was spanned by a 
 flimsy bridge with iron handrail? that fell 
 
Raffles 
 
 warm to the touch as Rafifles led the way 
 across ; a hotter and a closer night I have 
 never known. 
 
 " The flat will be like an oven," I grum- 
 bled, at the head of our own staircase. 
 
 " Then we won't go down," said Raffles, 
 promptly ; " we'll slack it up here for a bit 
 instead. No, Bunny, you stay where you 
 are! I'll fetch you a drink and a deck- 
 chair, and you shan't come down till you 
 feel more fit." 
 
 And I let him have his way, I will not 
 say as usual, for I had even less than my 
 normal power of resistance that night. 
 That villainous upper-cut ! My head still 
 sang and throbbed, as I seated myself on 
 one of the aforesaid parapets, and buried 
 it in my hot hands. Nor was the night 
 one to dispel a headache; there was dis- 
 tinct thunder in the air. Thus I sat in a 
 heap, and brooded over my misadventure, 
 a pretty figure of a subordinate villain, un- 
 til the step came for which I waited; and 
 it never struck me that it came from the 
 wrong direction. 
 
 ** You have been quick," said I, simply. 
 176 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 "Yes," hissed a voice I recognised; 
 " and you've got to be quicker still ! Here, 
 out with your wrists; no, one at a time; 
 and if you utter a syllable you're a dead 
 man." 
 
 It was Lord Ernest Belville; his close- 
 cropped, iron - grey moustache gleamed 
 through the darkness, drawn up over his 
 set teeth. In his hand glittered a pair of 
 handcuffs, and before I knew it one had 
 snapped its jaws about my right wrist. 
 
 " Now come this way," said Lord Er- 
 nest, showing me a revolver also, " and 
 wait for your friend. And, recollect, a 
 single syllable of warning will be your 
 death ! " 
 
 With that the rufhan led me to the very 
 bridge I had just crossed at Raffles's heels, 
 and handcuffed me to the iron rail mid- 
 way across the chasm. It no longer felt 
 warm to my touch, but icy as the blood in 
 all my veins. 
 
 So this high-born hypocrite had beaten 
 
 us at our game and his, and Raffles 
 
 had met his match at last! That was 
 
 the most intolerable thought, that Raffles 
 
 177 
 
. Raffles 
 
 should be down in the flat on my account, 
 and that I could not wari^L him of his im- 
 pending fate; for how was it possible 
 without making such an outcry as should 
 bring the mansions about our ears? And 
 there I shivered on that wretched plank, 
 chained like Andromeda to the rock, with 
 a black infinity above and below ; and be- 
 fore my eyes, no . grown familiar with the 
 peculiar darkness, stood Lord Ernest Bel- 
 ville, waiting for Raffles to emerge with 
 full hands and unsuspecting heart ! Taken 
 so horribly unawares, even Raffles must 
 fall an easy prey to a desperado in resource 
 and courage scarcely second to himself, 
 but one whom he had fatally underrated 
 from the beginning. Not that I paused to 
 think how the thing had happened; my 
 one concern was for what was to happen 
 next. 
 
 And what did happen was worse than 
 my worst foreboding, for first a light came 
 flickering into the sort of companion-hatch 
 at the head of the stairs, and finally Raffles 
 — in his shirt-sleeves! He was not only 
 carrying a candle to put the finishing touch 
 178 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 to him as a targ-et ; he had dispensed with 
 coat and waistcoat downstairs, and was at 
 once full-handed and unarmed. 
 
 " Where are you, old chap ? " he cried 
 softly, himself blinded by the light he car- 
 ried; and he advanced a couple of steps 
 towards Belville. "This isn't you, is it?" 
 
 And RafBes stopped, his candle held on 
 high, a folding chair under the other arm. 
 
 " No, I am not your friend," replied 
 Lord Ernest, easily ; " but kindly remain 
 standing exactly where you are, and don't 
 lower that candle an inch, unless you want 
 your brains blown into the street." 
 
 Raffles said never a word, but for a 
 moment did as he was bid; and the un- 
 shaken flame of the candle was testimony 
 alike to the stillness of the night and to 
 the finest set of nerves in Europe. Then, 
 to my horror, he coolly stooped, placing 
 candle and chair on the leads, and his 
 hands in his pockets, as though it were but 
 a pop-gun that covered him. 
 
 "Why didn't you shoot?" he asked in- 
 solently as he rose. " Frightened of the 
 noise? I should be, too, with an old- 
 179 
 
Raffles 
 
 pattern machine like that. All very well 
 for service in the field — but on the house- 
 tops at dead of night ! " 
 
 " I shall shoot, however," replied Lord 
 Ernest, as quietly in his turn, and with less 
 insolence, '* and chance the noise, unless 
 you instantly restore my property. I am 
 glad you don't dispute the last word," he 
 continued after a slight pause. " There is 
 no keener honour than that which subsists, 
 or ought to subsist, among thieves ; and I 
 need hardly say that I soon spotted you 
 as one of the fraternity. Not in the be- 
 ginning, mind you ! For the moment I 
 did think you were one of these smart de- 
 tectives jumped to life from some sixpenny 
 magazine ; but to preserve the illusion you 
 ought to provide yourself with a worthier 
 lieutenant. It was he who gave your show 
 away," chuckled the wretch, dropping for 
 a moment the affected style of speech 
 which seemed intended to enchance our 
 humiliation ; " smart detectives don't go 
 about with little innocents to assist them. 
 You needn't be anxious about him, by the 
 way; it wasn't necessary to pitch him into 
 i8o 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 the street; he is to be seen though not 
 heard, if you look in the right direction. 
 Nor must you put all the blame upon your 
 friend; it was not he, but you, who made 
 so sure that I had got out by the window. 
 You see, I was in my bath-room all the 
 time — with the door open." 
 
 " The bath-room, eh ? " Raffles echoed 
 with professional interest. " And you fol- 
 lowed us on foot across the park ? " 
 
 " Of course." 
 
 " And then in a cab ? " 
 
 " And afterwards on foot once more." 
 
 " The simplest skeleton would let you 
 in down below." 
 
 I saw the lower half of Lord Ernest's 
 face grinning in the light of the candle set 
 between them on the ground. 
 
 " You follow every move," said he ; 
 " there can be no doubt you are one of the 
 fraternity; and I shouldn't wonder if we 
 had formed our style upon the same model. 
 Ever know A. J. Raffles ? " 
 
 The abrupt question took my breath 
 away ; but Raffles himself did not lose an 
 instant over his answer. 
 i8i 
 
Raffles 
 
 " Intimately," said he. 
 
 " That accounts for you, then," laughed 
 Lord Ernest, " as it does for me, though 
 I never had the honour of the master's 
 acquaintance. Nor is it for me to say 
 which is the worthier disciple. Perhaps, 
 however, now that your friend is hand- 
 cuffed in mid-air, and you yourself are at 
 my mercy, you will concede me some 
 little temporary advantage ? " 
 
 And his face split in another grin from 
 the cropped moustache downward, as I 
 saw no longer by candle-Hght, but by a 
 flash of lightning which tore the sky in 
 two before Raffles could reply. 
 
 " You have the bulge at present," ad- 
 mitted Raffles ; " but you have still to lay 
 hands upon your, oi our, ill-gotten goods. 
 To shoot me is not necessarily to do so; 
 to bring either one of us to a violent end 
 is only to court a yet more violent and in- 
 finitely more disgraceful one for yourself. 
 Family considerations alone should rule 
 that risk out of your game. Now, an hour 
 or two ago, when the exact opposite " 
 
 The remainder of Raffles's speech was 
 182 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 drowned from my ears by the belated 
 crash of thunder which the lightning had 
 foretold. So loud, however, was the crash 
 when it came, that the storm was evidently 
 approaching us at a high velocity; yet 
 as the last echo rumbled away, I heard 
 Raffles talking as though he had never 
 stopped. 
 
 " You offered us a share," he was say- 
 ing; "unless you mean to murder us both 
 in cold blood, it will be worth your while 
 to repeat that ofifer. We should be dan- 
 gerous enemies ; you had far better make 
 the best of us as friends." 
 
 " Lead the way down to your flat," said 
 Lord Ernest, with a flourish of his service 
 revolver, " and perhaps we may talk about 
 it. It is for me to make the terms, I 
 imagine, and in the first place I am not 
 going to get wet to the skin up here." 
 
 The rain was beginning in great drops, 
 even as he spoke, and by a second flash of 
 lightning I saw Raffles pointing to me. 
 
 " But what about my friend ? " said he. 
 
 And then came the second peal. 
 
 " Oh, he's all right," the great brute re- 
 
 183 
 
Raffles 
 
 plied ; " do him good ! You don't catch 
 me letting myself in for two to one ! " 
 
 " You will find it equally difficult," re- 
 joined RafHes, "to induce me to leave my 
 friend to the mercy of a night like this. 
 He has not recovered from the blow you 
 struck him in your own rooms. I am not 
 such a fool as to blame you for that, but 
 you are a worse sportsman than I take 
 you for if you think of leaving him where 
 he is. If he stays, however, so do I." 
 
 And, just as it ceased, Raffles's voice 
 seemed distinctly nearer to me ; but in the 
 darkness and the rain, which was now as 
 heavy as hail, I could see nothing clearly. 
 The rain had already extinguished the can- 
 dle. I heard an oath from Belville, a laugh 
 from Rafifles, and for a second that was all. 
 Rafifles was coming to me, and the other 
 could not even see to fire; that was all I 
 knew in the pitchy interval of invisible rain 
 before the next crash and the next flash. 
 
 And then ! 
 
 This time they came together, and not 
 till my dying hour shall I forget the sight 
 that the lightning lit and the thunder 
 184 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 applauded. Raffles was on or-^ of the 
 parapets of the gulf that my foot-bridge 
 spanned, and in the sudden illumination he 
 stepped across it as one might across a 
 garden path. The width was scarcely 
 greater, but the depth! In the sudden 
 flare I saw to the concrete bottom of the 
 well, and it looked no larger than the hol- 
 low of my hand. Raffles was laughing in 
 my ear; he had the iron raiHng fast; it 
 was between us, but his foothold was as 
 secure as mine. Lord Ernest Belville, on 
 the contrary, was the hfth of a second late 
 for the light, and half a foot short in his 
 spring. Something struck our plank bridge 
 so hard as to set it quivering Hke a harp- 
 string; there was half a gasp and half a 
 sob in mid-air beneath our feet ; and then 
 a sound far below that I prefer not to de- 
 scribe. I am not sure that I could hit 
 upon the perfect simile; it is more than 
 enough for me that I can hear it still. And 
 with that sickening sound came the loud- 
 est clap of thunder yet, and a great white 
 glare that showed us our enemy's body 
 far below, with one white hand spread like 
 x8s 
 
Raffles 
 
 a starfish, but the head of him mercifully 
 twisted underneath. 
 
 " It was his own fault, Bunny. Poor 
 devil ! May he and all of us be forgiven ; 
 but pull yourself together for your own 
 sake. Well, you can't fall; stay where 
 you are a minute." 
 
 I remember the uproar of the elements 
 while Raffles was gone; no other sound 
 mingled with it; not the opening of a 
 single window, not the uplifting of a single 
 voice. Then came Raffles with soap and 
 water, and the gyve was wheedled from 
 one wrist, as you withdraw a ring for 
 which the finger has grown too large. Of 
 the rest, I only remember shivering till 
 morning in a pitch-dark flat, whose invalid 
 occupier was for once the nurse, and I his 
 patient. 
 
 And that is the true ending of the epi- 
 sode in which we two set ourselves to 
 catch one of our own kidney, albeit in an- 
 other place I have shirked the whole truth. 
 It is not a grateful task to show Raffles as 
 completely at fault as he really was on that 
 occasion ; nor do I derive any subtle satis- 
 i86 
 
To Catch a Thief 
 
 faction from recounting my own twofold 
 humiliation, or from having assisted never 
 so indirectly in the death of a not uncon- 
 genial sinner. The truth, however, has 
 after all a merit of its own, and the great 
 kinsfolk of poor Lord Ernest have but lit- 
 tle to lose by its divulgence. It would 
 seem that they knew more of the real char- 
 acter of the apostle of Rational Drink 
 than was known at Exeter Hall. The 
 tragedy was indeed hushed up, as tragedies 
 only are when they occur in such circles. 
 But the rumour that did get abroad, as to 
 the class of enterprise which the poor 
 scamp was pursuing when he met his 
 death, cannot be too soon exploded, since 
 it breathed upon the fair fame of some of 
 the most respectable flats in Kensington. 
 
 187 
 
AN OLD FLAME 
 
 THE square shall be nameless, but if 
 you drive due west from Piccadilly the 
 cabman will eventually find it on his left, 
 and he ought to thank you for two shil- 
 lings. It is not a fashionable square, but 
 there are few with a finer garden, while 
 the studios on the south side lend distinc- 
 tion of another sort. The houses, however, 
 are small and dingy, and about the last to 
 attract the expert practitioner in search of 
 a crib. Heaven knows it was with no such 
 thought I trailed Raffies thither, one un- 
 lucky evening at the latter end of that 
 same season, when Dr. Theobald had at 
 last insisted upon the bath-chair which I 
 had foreseen in the beginning. Trees 
 whispered in the green garden aforesaid, 
 and the cool smooth lawns looked so in- 
 viting that I wondered whether some phil- 
 i88 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 anthropic resident could not be induced to 
 lend us the key. But Raffles would not 
 listen to the suggestion, when I stopped to 
 make it, and what was worse, I found him 
 looking wistfully at the little houses in- 
 stead. 
 
 " Such balconies, Bunny ! A leg up, 
 and there you would be ! " 
 
 I expressed a conviction that there would 
 be nothing worth taking in the square, but 
 took care to have him under way again as 
 I spoke. 
 
 " I daresay you're right," sighed Raf- 
 fles. " Rings and watches, I suppose, but 
 it would be hard luck to take them from 
 people who Hve in houses like these. I 
 don't know, though. Here's one with an 
 extra story. Stop, Bunny; if you don't 
 stop I'll hold on to the railings ! This is 
 a good house; look at the knocker and 
 the electric bell. They've had that put in. 
 There's some money here, my rabbit ! I 
 dare bet there's a silver-table in the draw- 
 ing-room ; and the windows are wide open. 
 Electric light, too, by Jove ! " 
 
 Since stop I must, I had done so on the 
 189 
 
Raffles 
 
 other side of the road, in the shadow of 
 the leafy palings, and as Raffles spoke the 
 ground-floor windows opposite had flown 
 alight, showing as pretty a little dinner- 
 table as one could wish to see, with a man 
 at his wine at the far end, and the back of 
 a lady in evening dress toward us. It 
 was like a lantern-picture thrown upon a 
 screen. There were only the pair of them, 
 but the table was brilliant with silver and 
 gay with flowers, and the maid waited with 
 the indefinable air of a good servant. It 
 certainly seemed a good house. 
 
 " She's going to let down the blind ! " 
 whispered Raffles, in high excitement. 
 " No, confound them, they've told her not 
 to. Mark down her necklace. Bunny, and 
 invoice his stud. What a brute he looks ! 
 But I Hke the table, and that's her show. 
 She has the taste; but he must have 
 money. See the festive picture over the 
 sideboard? Looks to me Hke a Jacques 
 Saillard. But that silver-table would be 
 good enough for me." 
 
 " Get on," said I. " You're in a bath- 
 chair." 
 
 190 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 "But the whole square's at dinner! We 
 should have the ball at our feet. It 
 wouldn't take two twos ! " 
 
 " With those blinds up, and the cook in 
 the kitchen underneath ? " 
 
 He nodded, leaning forward in the chair, 
 his hands upon the wraps about his legs. 
 
 " You must be mad," said I, and got 
 back to my handles with the word, but 
 when I tugged the chair ran light. 
 
 " Keep an eye on the rug," came in a 
 whisper from the middle of the road ; and 
 there stood my invalid, his pale face in a 
 quiver of pure mischief, yet set with his 
 insane resolve. " I'm only going to see 
 whether that woman has a silver-table " 
 
 " We don't want it " 
 
 " It won't take a minute " 
 
 " It's madness, madness " 
 
 " Then don't you wait ! " 
 
 It was like him to leave me with that, 
 and this time I had taken him at his last 
 word, had not my own given me an idea. 
 Mad I had called him, and mad I could 
 declare him upon oath if necessary. It 
 was not as though the thing had happened 
 191 
 
Raffles 
 
 far from home. They could learn all about 
 us at the nearest mansions. I referred 
 them to Dr. Theobald; this was a Mr. 
 Maturin, one of his patients, and I was his 
 keeper, and he had never given me the 
 slip before. I heard myself making these 
 explanations on the doorstep, and point- 
 ing to the deserted bath-chair as the proof, 
 while the pretty parlour-maid ran for the 
 poHce. It would be a more serious matter 
 for me than for my charge. I should lose 
 my place. No, he had never done such a 
 thing before, and I would answer for it 
 that he never should again. 
 
 I saw myself conducting Raffles back to 
 his chair, with a firm hand and a stern 
 tongue. I heard him thanking me in whis- 
 pers on the way home. It would be the 
 first tight place I had ever got him out 
 of, and I was quite anxious for him to get 
 into it, so sure was I of every move. My 
 whole position had altered in the few sec- 
 onds that it took me to follow this illu- 
 minating train of ideas; it was now so 
 strong that I could watch Rafifles without 
 much anxiety. And he was worth watch- 
 ing. 
 
 192 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 He had stepped boldly but softly to the 
 front door, and there he was still waiting*, 
 ready to ring if the door opened or a face 
 appeared in the area, and doubtless to pre- 
 tend that he had rung already. But he 
 had not to ring at all ; and suddenly I saw 
 his foot in the letter-box, his left hand on 
 the lintel overhead. It was thrilling, even 
 to a hardened accomplice with an explana- 
 tion up his sleeve ! A tight grip with that 
 left hand of his, as he leant backward with 
 all his weight upon those five fingers ; a 
 right arm stretched outward and upward 
 to its last inch; and the base of the low, 
 projecting balcony was safely caught. 
 
 I looked down and took breath. The 
 maid was removing the crumbs in the 
 lighted room, and the square was empty 
 as before. What a blessing it was the end 
 of the season ! Many of the houses re- 
 mained in darkness. I looked up again, 
 and Raffles was drawing his left leg over 
 the balcony railing. In another moment 
 he had disappeared through one of the 
 French windows which opened upon the 
 balcony, and in yet another he had 
 193 
 
Raffles 
 
 switched on the electric light within. This 
 was bad enough, for now I, at least, could 
 see everything he did; but the crowning 
 folly was still to come. There was no 
 point in it; the mad thing was done for 
 my benefit, as I knew at once and he 
 afterwards confessed; but the lunatic re- 
 appeared on the balcony, bowing like a 
 mountebank — in his crape mask! 
 
 I set off with the empty chair, but I 
 came back. I could not desert old Raffles, 
 even when I would, but must try to ex- 
 plain away his mask as well, if he had not 
 the sense to take it off in time. It would 
 be difficult, but burglaries are not usually 
 committed from a bath-chair, and for the 
 rest I put my faith in Dr. Theobald. 
 Meanwhile Raffles had at least withdrawn 
 from the balcony, and now I could only 
 see his head as he peered into a cabinet 
 at the other side of the room. It was like 
 the opera of A'ida, in which two scenes 
 are enacted simultaneously, one in the 
 dungeon below, the other in the temple 
 above. In the same fashion my attention 
 now became divided between the picture of 
 194 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 Raffles moving stealthily about the upper 
 room, and that of the husband and wife 
 at table underneath. And all at once, as 
 the man replenished his glass with a shrug 
 of the shoulders, the woman pushed back 
 her chair and sailed to the door. 
 
 Raffles was standing before the fireplace 
 upstairs. He had taken one of the framed 
 photographs from the chimney-piece, and 
 was scanning it at suicidal length through 
 the eye-holes in the hideous mask which 
 he still wore. He would need it after all. 
 The lady had left the room below, opening 
 and shutting the door for herself ; the man 
 was filling his glass once more. I would 
 have shrieked my warning to Raffles, so 
 fatally engrossed overhead, but at this mo- 
 ment (of all others) a constable (of all 
 men) was marching sedately down our side 
 of the square. There was nothing for it 
 but to turn a melancholy eye upon the 
 bath-chair, and to ask the constable the 
 time. I was evidently to be kept there all 
 night, I remarked, and only realised with 
 the words that they disposed of my other 
 explanations before they were uttered. It 
 195 
 
Raffles 
 
 was a horrible moment for such a dis- 
 covery. Fortunately the enemy was on 
 the pavement, from which he could scarce- 
 ly have seen more than the drawing-room 
 ceiling, had he looked; but he was not 
 many houses distant when a door opened 
 and a woman gasped so that I heard both 
 across the road. And never shall I forget 
 the subsequent tableaux in the lighted 
 room behind the low balcony and the 
 French windows. 
 
 Raffles stood confronted by a dark and 
 handsome woman whose profile, as I saw 
 it first in the electric light, is cut like a 
 cameo in my memory. It had the undevi- 
 ating Hne of brow and nose, the short 
 upper lip, the perfect chin, that are united 
 in marble oftener than in the flesh ; and like 
 marble she stood, or rather like some beau- 
 tiful pale bronze ; for that was her colour- 
 ing, and she lost none of it that I could 
 see, neither trembled ; but her bosom rose 
 and fell, and that was all. So she stood 
 without flinching before a masked ruffian, 
 who, I felt, would be the first to appreciate 
 her courage; to me it was so superb that 
 196 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 I could think of it in this way even then, 
 and marvel how Raffles himself could stand 
 unabashed before so brave a figure. He 
 had not to do so long. The woman 
 scorned him, and he stood unmoved, a 
 framed photograph still in his hand. Then, 
 with a quick, determined movement she 
 turned, not to the door or to the bell, but 
 to the open window by which Raffles had 
 entered; and this with that accursed po- 
 liceman still in view. So far no word had 
 passed between the pair. But at this point 
 Raffles said something, I could not hear 
 what, but at the sound of his voice the 
 woman wheeled. And Raffles was look- 
 ing humbly in her face, the crape mask 
 snatched from his own. 
 
 " Arthur ! " she cried ; and that might 
 have been heard in the middle of the 
 square garden. 
 
 Then they stood gazing at each other, 
 neither unmoved any more, and while they 
 stood the street-door opened and banged. 
 It was the husband leaving the house, a 
 fine figure of a man, but a dissipated face, 
 and a step even now distinguished by the 
 197 
 
Raffles 
 
 extreme caution which precedes unsteadi- 
 ness. He broke the spell. His wife came 
 to the balcony, then looked back into the 
 room, and yet again along the road, and 
 this time I saw her face. It was the face 
 of one glancing indeed from Hyperion to 
 a satyr. And then I saw the rings flash, 
 as her hand fell gently upon Raffles's arm. 
 
 They disappeared from that window. 
 Their heads showed for an instant in the 
 next. Then they dipped out of sight, and 
 an inner ceiling flashed out under a new 
 light; they had gone into the back draw- 
 ing-room, beyond my ken. The maid 
 came up with coffee, her mistress hastily 
 met her at the door, and once more dis- 
 appeared. The square was as quiet as 
 ever. I remained some minutes where I 
 was. Now and then I thought I heard 
 their voices in the back drawing-room. I 
 was seldom sure. 
 
 My state of mind may be imagined by 
 those readers who take an interest in my 
 personal psychology. It does not amuse 
 me to look back upon it. But at length I 
 had the sense to put myself in Raffles'a 
 198 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 place. He had been recognised at last, he 
 had come to life. Only one person knew 
 as yet, but that person was a woman, and 
 a woman who had once been fond of him, 
 if the human face could speak. Would she 
 keep his secret? Would he tell her where 
 he lived ? It was terrible to think we were 
 such neighbours, and with the thought that 
 it was terrible came a little enlightenment 
 as to what could still be done for the best. 
 He would not tell her where he Hved. I 
 knew him too well for that. He would 
 run for it when he could, and the bath- 
 chair and I must not be there to give him 
 away. I dragged the infernal vehicle round 
 the nearer corner. Then I waited — there 
 could be no harm in that — and at last he 
 came. 
 
 He was walking briskly, so I was right, 
 and he had not played the invaHd to her; 
 yet I heard him cry out with pleasure as 
 he turned the corner, and he flung himself 
 into the chair with a long-drawn sigh that 
 did me good. 
 
 " Well done. Bunny — well done ! I am 
 on my way to Earl's Court, she's capable 
 199 
 
Raffles 
 
 of following me, but she won't look for me 
 in a bath-chair. Home, home, home, and 
 not another word till we get there ! " 
 
 Capable of following him? She over- 
 took us before we were past the studios on 
 the south side of the square, the woman 
 herself, in a hooded opera-cloak. But she 
 never gave us a glance, and we saw her 
 turn safely in the right direction for Earl's 
 Court, and the wrong one for our humble 
 mansions. Raffles thanked his gods in a 
 voice that trembled, and five minutes later 
 we were in the flat. Then for once it was 
 Raffles who filled the tumblers and found 
 the cigarettes, and for once (and once only 
 in all my knowledge of him) did he drain 
 his glass at a draught. 
 
 " You didn't see the balcony scene ? " he 
 asked at length; and they were his first 
 words since the woman passed us on his 
 track. 
 
 " Do you mean when she came in?" 
 
 " No, when I came down." 
 
 " I didn't." 
 
 " I hope nobody else saw it," said Raf- 
 fles devoutly. " I don't say that Romeo 
 200 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 and Juliet were brother and sister to us. 
 But you might have said so, Bunny ! " 
 
 He was staring at the carpet with as wry 
 a face as lever ever wore. 
 
 " An old flame ? " said I, gently. 
 
 " A married woman," he groaned. 
 
 " So I gathered." 
 
 " But she always was one, Bunny," said 
 he, ruefully. "That's the trouble. It 
 makes all the difference in the world ! " 
 
 I saw the difference, but said I did not 
 see how it could make any now. He had 
 eluded the lady, after all ; had we not seen 
 her off upon a scent as false as scent could 
 be? There was occasion for redoubled 
 caution in the future, but none for im- 
 mediate anxiety. I quoted the bedside 
 Theobald, but Raffles did not smile. His 
 eyes had been downcast all this time, and 
 now, when he raised them, I perceived that 
 my comfort had been administered to deaf 
 ears. 
 
 " Do you know who she is ? " said he. 
 " Not from Eve." 
 
 "Jacques Saillard," he said, as though 
 now I must know. 
 
 201 
 
Raffles 
 
 But the name left me cold and stolid. I 
 had heard it, but that was all. It was lam- 
 entable ignorance, I am aware, but I had 
 specialised in Letters at the expense of 
 Art. 
 
 '* You must know her pictures," said 
 Raffles, patiently ; " but I suppose you 
 thought she was a man. They would ap- 
 peal to you. Bunny ; that festive piece over 
 the sideboard was her work. Sometimes 
 they risk her at the Academy, sometimes 
 they fight shy. She has one of those stu- 
 dios in the same square ; they used to live 
 up near Lord's." 
 
 My mind was busy brightening a dim 
 memory of nymphs reflected in woody 
 pools. " Of course ! " I exclaimed, and 
 added something about " a clever woman.** 
 Raffles rose at the phrase. 
 
 " A clever woman ! " he echoed, scorn- 
 fully ; " if she were only that I should feel 
 safe as houses. Clever women can't forget 
 their cleverness, they carry it as badly as 
 a boy does his wine, and are about as dan- 
 gerous. I don't call Jacques Saillard clever 
 outside her art, but neither do I call her a 
 
 202 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 woman at all. She does man's work'bver 
 a man's name, has the will of any ten men 
 I ever knew, and I don't mind telling you 
 that I fear her more than any person on 
 God's earth. I broke with her once," said 
 Raffles, grimly, " but I know her. If I had 
 been asked to name the one person in 
 London by whom I was keenest not to be 
 bowled out, I should have named Jacques 
 Saillard." 
 
 That he had never before named her to 
 me was as characteristic as the reticence 
 with which Raffles spoke of their past re- 
 lations, and even of their conversation in 
 the back drawing-room that evening; it 
 was a question of principle with him, and 
 one that I like to remember. " Never give 
 a woman away. Bunny," he used to say; 
 and he said it again to-night, but with a 
 heavy cloud upon him, as though his chiv- 
 alry was sorely tried. 
 
 " That's all right," said I, " if you're not 
 going to be given away yourself." 
 
 " That's just it, Bunny ! That's just " 
 
 The words were out of him, it was too 
 
 late to recall them. I had hit the nail upon 
 
 the head. 
 
 203 
 
Raffles 
 
 " So she threatened you," I said, " did 
 she?" 
 
 " I didn't say so," he replied coldly. 
 
 " And she is mated with a clown ! " I 
 pursued. 
 
 " How she ever married him," he ad- 
 mitted, " is a mystery to me." 
 
 " It always is," said I, the wise man 
 for once, and rather enjoying the role. 
 
 "Southern blood?" 
 
 " Spanish." 
 
 " She'll be pestering you to run off with 
 her, old chap," said I. 
 
 Raffles was pacing the room. He 
 stopped in his stride for half a second. So 
 she had begun pestering him already! It 
 is wonderful how acute any fool can be in 
 the affairs of his friend. But Raffles re- 
 sumed his walk without a syllable, and I 
 retreated to safer ground. 
 
 " So you sent her to Earl's Court," I 
 mused aloud ; and at last he smiled. 
 
 " You'll be interested to hear, Bunny," 
 said he, " that I'm now living in Seven 
 Dials, and Bill Sykes couldn't hold a farth- 
 ing dip to me. Bless you, she had my old 
 304 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 police record at her fingers' ends, but it 
 was fit to frame compared with the one I 
 gave her. I had sunk as low as they dig. 
 I divided my nights between the open 
 parks and a thieves' kitchen in Seven Dials. 
 If I was decently dressed it was because I 
 had stolen the suit down the Thames Val- 
 ley beat the night before last. I was on 
 my way back when first that sleepy square, 
 and then her open window, proved too 
 much for me. You should have heard me 
 beg her to let me push on to the devil in 
 my own way ; there I spread myself, for I 
 meant every word; but I swore the final 
 stage would be a six-foot drop." 
 
 " You did lay it on," said I. 
 
 ** It was necessary, and that had its ef- 
 fect. She let me go. But at the last mo- 
 ment she said she didn't believe I was so 
 black as I painted myself, and then there 
 was the balcony scene you missed." 
 
 So that was all. I could not help telHng 
 him that he had got out of it better than 
 he deserved for ever getting in. Next mo- 
 ment I regretted the remark. 
 
 " If I have got out of it," said Raffles, 
 205 
 
Raffles 
 
 'doubtfully. " We are dreadfully near neigh- 
 bours, and I can't move in a minute, with 
 old Theobald taking a grave view of my 
 case. I suppose I had better lie low, and 
 thank the gods again for putting her off 
 the scent for the time being." 
 
 No doubt our conversation was carried 
 beyond this point, but it certainly was not 
 many minutes later, nor had we left the 
 subject, when the electric bell thrilled us 
 both to a sudden silence. 
 
 " The doctor ? " I queried, hope fighting 
 with my horror. 
 
 " It was a single ring." 
 
 "The last post?" 
 
 " You know he knocks, and it's long 
 past his time." 
 
 The electric bell rang again, but now as 
 though it never wo ild stop. 
 
 " You go, Bunny," said Raffles, with de- 
 cision. His eyes were sparkling. His 
 smile was firm. 
 
 "What am I to say?" 
 
 " If it's the lady let her in." 
 
 It was the lady, still in her evening cloak, 
 with her fine dark head half-hidden by the 
 206 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 hood, and an engaging contempt of ap- 
 pearances upon her angry face. She was 
 even handsomer than I had thought, and 
 her beauty of a bolder type, but she was 
 also angrier than I had anticipated when I 
 came so readily to the door. The passage 
 into which it opened was an exceedingly 
 narrow one, as I have often said, but I 
 never dreamt of barring this woman's way, 
 though not a word did she stoop to say to 
 me. I was only too glad to flatten myself 
 against the wall, as the rustling fury strode 
 past me into the Hghted room with the 
 open door. 
 
 " So this is your thieves' kitchen ! " she 
 cried, in high-pitched scorn. 
 
 I was on the threshold myself, and Raf- 
 fles glanced toward me with raised eye- 
 brows. ,, 
 
 " I have certainly had better quarters in 
 my day," said he, " but you need not call 
 them absurd names before my man," 
 
 " Then send your * man ' about his busi- 
 ness," said Jacques Saillard, with an un- 
 pleasant stress upon the word indicated. 
 
 But when the door was shut I heard 
 207 
 
Raffles 
 
 Raffles assuring her that I knew nothing, 
 that he was a real invalid overcome by a 
 sudden mad temptation, and all he had 
 told her of his life a lie to hide his where- 
 abouts, but all he was telling her now she 
 could prove for herself without leaving that 
 building. It seemed, however, that she 
 had proved it already by going first to the 
 porter below stairs. Yet I do not think she 
 cared one atom which story was the truth. 
 " So you thought I could pass you in 
 your chair," she said, '' or ever in this 
 world again, without hearing from my 
 heart that it was you ! " 
 
 II 
 
 "Bunny," said Raffles, "I'm awfully 
 sorry, old chap, but youVe got to go." 
 
 It was some weeks since the first un- 
 timely visitation of Jacques Saillard, but 
 there had been many others at all hours of 
 the day, while Raffles had been induced to 
 pay at least one to her studio in the neigh- 
 bouring square. These intrusions he had 
 endured at first with an air of humorous 
 208 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 resignation which imposed upon me less 
 than he imagined. The woman meant 
 well, he said, after all, and could be trusted 
 to keep his secret loyally. It was plain to 
 me, however, that Raffles did not trust her, 
 and that his pretence upon the point was a 
 deHberate pose to conceal the extent to 
 which she had him in her power. Other- 
 wise there would have been little point in 
 hiding anything from the one person in 
 possession of the cardinal secret of his 
 identity. But Raffles thought it worth his 
 while to hoodwink Jacques Saillard in the 
 subsidiary matter of his health, in which 
 Dr. Theobald lent him unwitting assist- 
 ance, and, as we have seen, to impress 
 upon her that I was actually his attendant, 
 and as ignorant of his past as the doctor 
 himself. '' So you're all right. Bunny," he 
 had assured me ; " she thinks you knew 
 nothing the other night. I told you she 
 wasn't a clever woman outside her work. 
 But hasn't she a will ! " I told Raffles it 
 was very considerate of him to keep me 
 out of it, but that it seemed to me like 
 tying up the bag when the cat had escaped. 
 209 
 
Raffles 
 
 His reply was an admission that one must 
 be on the defensive with such a woman and 
 in such a case. Soon after this, Raffles, 
 looking- far from well, fell back upon his 
 own last line of defence, namely his bed; 
 and now, as always in the end, I could see 
 some sense in his subtleties, since it was 
 comparatively easy for me to turn even 
 Jacques Saillard from the door, with Dr. 
 Theobald's explicit injunctions, and with 
 my own honesty unquestioned. So for a 
 day we had peace once more. Then came 
 letters, then the doctor again and again, 
 and finally my dismissal in the incredible 
 v/ords which have necessitated these ex- 
 planations. 
 
 " Go ? " I echoed. " Go where ? " 
 
 "It's that ass Theobald," said Raffles. 
 " He insists." 
 
 " On my going altogether ? " 
 
 He nodded. 
 
 ''And you mean to let him have his 
 way?" 
 
 I had no language for my mortification 
 and disgust, though neither was as yet 
 quite so great as my surprise. I had fore- 
 
 2IO 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 seen almost every conceivable consequence 
 of the mad act which brought all this 
 trouble to pass, but a voluntary division 
 between Raffles and me had certainly never 
 entered my calculations. Nor could I 
 think that it had occurred to him before 
 our egregious doctor's last visit, this very 
 morning. Raffles had looked irritated as 
 he broke the news to me from his pillow, 
 and now there was some sympathy in the 
 way he sat up in bed, as though he felt the 
 thing himself. 
 
 " I am obliged to give in to the fellow," 
 said he. " He's saving me from my friend, 
 and I'm bound to humour him. But I can 
 tell you that we've been arguing about you 
 for the last half hour, Bunny. It was no 
 use; the idiot has had his knife in you 
 from the first; and he wouldn't see me 
 through on any other conditions." 
 
 ** So he is going to see you through, 
 is he?" 
 
 " It tots up to that," said Raffles, look- 
 ing at me rather hard. " At all events he 
 has come to my rescue for the time being, 
 and it's for me to manage the rest. You 
 
 211 
 
Raffles 
 
 <ion*t know what it has been, Bunny, these 
 last few weeks ; and gallantry forbids that 
 I should tell you even now. But would 
 you rather elope against your will, or have 
 your continued existence made known to 
 the world in general and the police in par- 
 ticular? That is practically the problem 
 which I have had to solve, and the tempo- 
 rary solution was to fall ill. As a matter 
 of fact I am ill; and now what do you 
 think ? I owe it to you to tell you. Bunny, 
 though it goes against, the grain. She 
 would take me ' to the dear, warm under- 
 world, where the sun really shines,' and she 
 would * nurse me back to life and love ! ' 
 The artistic temperament is a fearsome 
 thing. Bunny, in a woman with the devil's 
 own will ! " 
 
 Raffles tore up the letter from which he 
 had read these piquant extracts, and lay 
 back on the pillows with the tired air of 
 the veritable invalid which he seemed able 
 to assume at will. But for once he did 
 look as though bed was the best place for 
 him; and I used the fact as an argument 
 for my own retention in defiance of Dr. 
 2ia 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 Theobald. The town was full of typhoid, 
 I said, and certainly that autumnal scourge 
 was in the air. Did he want me to leave 
 him at the very moment when he might be 
 sickening for a serious illness? 
 
 " You know I don't, my good fellow," 
 said Raffles, wearily ; " but Theobald does, 
 and I can't afford to go against him now. 
 Not that I really care what happens to me 
 now that that woman knows I'm in the 
 land of the Hving; she'll let it out, to a 
 dead certainty, and at the best there'll be 
 a hue and cry, which is the very thing I 
 have escaped all these years. Now, what 
 I want you to do is to go and take some 
 quiet place somewhere, and then let me 
 know, so that I may have a port in the 
 storm when it breaks." 
 
 " Now you're talking ! " I cried, recov- 
 ering my spirits. " I thought you meant 
 to go and drop a fellow altogether ! " 
 
 " Exactly the sort of thing you would 
 think," rejoined Raffles, with a contempt 
 that was welcome enough after my late 
 alarm. " No, my dear rabbit, what you've 
 got to do is to make a new burrow for us 
 213 
 
Raffles 
 
 both. Try down the Thames, in some- 
 quiet nook that a literary man would natu- 
 rally select. I've often thought that more 
 use might be made of a boat, while the 
 family are at dinner, than there ever has 
 been yet. If Rafales is to come to life, old 
 chap, he shall go a-Rafifling for all he's 
 worth ! There's something to be done 
 with a bicycle, too. Try Ham Common 
 or Roehampton, or some such sleepy hol- 
 low a trifle off the Hne; and say you're 
 expecting your brother from the colonies." 
 Into this arrangement I entered without 
 the slightest hesitation, for we had funds 
 enough to carry it out on a comfortable 
 scale, and Raffles placed a sufficient share 
 at my disposal for the nonce. Moreover, 
 I for one was only too glad to seek fresh 
 fields and pastures new — a phrase which I 
 determined to interpret literally in my 
 choice of fresh surroundings. I was tired 
 of our submerged life in the poky little flat, 
 especially now that we had money enough 
 for better things. I myself had of late had 
 dark dealings with the receivers, with the 
 result that poor Lord Ernest Belville's suc- 
 214 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 cesses were now Indeed ours. Subsequent 
 complications had been the more galling 
 on that account, while the wanton way in 
 which they had been created was the most 
 irritating reflection of all. But it had 
 brought its own punishment upon Raffles, 
 and I fancied the lesson would prove salu- 
 tary when we again settled down. 
 
 " If ever we do, Bunny ! " said he, as I 
 took his hand and told him how I was 
 already looking forward to the time. 
 
 " But of course we will," I cried, con- 
 cealing the resentment at leaving him 
 which his tone and his appearance renewed 
 in my breast. 
 
 " I'm not so sure of it," he said, gloom- 
 ily. " I'm in somebody's clutches, and I've 
 got to get out of them first." 
 
 " I'll sit tight until you do." 
 
 " Well," he said, " if you don't see me 
 in ten days you never will." 
 
 " Only ten days ? " I echoed. " That's 
 nothing at all." 
 
 " A lot may happen in ten days," replied 
 Raffles, in the same depressing tone, so 
 very depressing in him; and with that he 
 ti5 
 
Raffles 
 
 held out his hand a second time, and 
 dropped mine suddenly after as sudden a 
 pressure for farewell. 
 
 I left the flat in considerable dejection 
 after all, unable to decide whether Raffles 
 was really ill, or only worried as I knew 
 him to be. And at the foot of the stairs 
 the author of my dismissal, that confounded 
 Theobald, flung open his door and waylaid 
 me. 
 
 "Are you going?" he demanded. 
 
 The traps in my hands proclaimed that 
 I was, but I dropped them at his feet to 
 have it out with him then and there. 
 
 " Yes," I answered, fiercely, " thanks to 
 you ! " 
 
 " Well, my good fellow," he said, his 
 full-blooded face lightening and softening 
 at the same time, as though a load were 
 off his mind, " it's, no pleasure to me to 
 deprive any man of his billet, but you 
 never were a nurse, and you know that as 
 well as I do." 
 
 I began to wonder what he meant, and 
 how much he did know, and my specula- 
 tions kept me silent. *' But come in here 
 216 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 a moment," he continued, just as I de- 
 cided that he knew nothing at all. And 
 leading me into his minute consulting- 
 room, Dr. Theobald solemnly presented 
 me with a sovereign by way of compensa- 
 tion, which I pocketed as solemnly, and 
 with as much gratitude as if I had not 
 fifty of them distributed over my person 
 as it was. The good fellow had quite for- 
 gotten my social status, about which he 
 himself had been so particular at our earli- 
 est interview; but he had never accus- 
 tomed himself to treat me as a gentleman, 
 and I do not suppose he had been improv- 
 ing his memory by the tall tumbler which 
 I saw him poke behind a photograph- 
 frame as we entered. 
 
 " There's one thing I should like to 
 know before I go," said I, turning sud- 
 denly on the doctor's mat, " and that 
 is whether Mr. Maturin is really ill or 
 not!" 
 
 I meant, of course, at the present mo- 
 ment, but Dr. Theobald braced himself like 
 a recruit at the drill-sergeant's voice. 
 
 " Of course he is," he snapped — " so ill 
 217 
 
Raffles 
 
 as to need a nurse who can nurse, by way 
 of a change/' 
 
 With that his door shut in my face, and 
 I had to go my way, in the dark as to 
 whether he had mistaken my meaning, and 
 was telHng me a He, or not. 
 
 But for my misgivings upon this point 
 I might have extracted some very genuine 
 enjoyment out of the next few days. I had 
 decent clothes to my back, with money, as 
 I say, in most of the pockets, and more 
 freedom to spend it than was possible in 
 the constant society of a man whose per- 
 sonal liberty depended on a universal sup- 
 position that he was dead. Raffles was as 
 bold as ever, and I as fond of him, but 
 whereas he would run any risk in a pro- 
 fessional exploit, there were many inno- 
 cent recreations still open to me which 
 would have been sheer madness in him. 
 He could not even watch a match, from 
 the sixpenny seats, at Lord's Cricket- 
 ground, where the Gentlemen were every 
 year in a worse way without him. He 
 never travelled by rail, and dining out was 
 a risk only to be run with some ulterior 
 
 2l3 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 object in view. In fact, much as It had 
 changed, Raffles could no longer show his 
 face with perfect impunity in any quarter 
 or at any hour. Moreover, after the lesson 
 he had now learnt, I foresaw increased 
 caution on his part in this respect. But I 
 myself was under no such perpetual disad- 
 vantage, and, while what was good enough 
 for Raffles was quite good enough for me, 
 so long as we were together, I saw no 
 harm in profiting by the present oppor- 
 tunity of " doing myself well." 
 
 Such were my reflections on the way to 
 Richmond in a hansom cab. Richmond 
 had struck us both as the best centre of 
 operations in search of the suburban re- 
 treat which Raffles wanted, and by road, 
 in a well-appointed, well-selected hansom, 
 was certainly the most agreeable way of 
 getting there. In a week or ten days 
 Raffles was to write to me at the Rich- 
 mond post-office, but for at least a week 
 I should be " on my own." It was not an 
 unpleasant sensation as I leant back in the 
 comfortable hansom, and rather to one 
 side, in order to have a good look at my- 
 219 
 
Raffles 
 
 self in the bevelled mirror that is almost 
 as great an improvement in these vehicles 
 as the rubber tires. Really I was not an 
 ill-looking- youth, if one may call one's self 
 such at the age of thirty. I could lay no 
 claim either to the striking cast of coun- 
 tenance or to the peculiar charm of ex- 
 pression which made the face of RafBes 
 like no other in the world. But this very 
 distinction was in itself a danger, for its 
 impression was indelible, whereas I might 
 still have been mistaken for a hundred 
 other young fellows at large in London. 
 Incredible as it may appear to the mor- 
 alists, I had sustained no external hall- 
 mark by my term of imprisonment, and I 
 am vain enough to believe that the evil 
 which I did had not a separate existence 
 in my face. This afternoon, indeed, I was 
 struck by the purity of my fresh com- 
 plexion, and rather depressed by the gen- 
 eral innocence of the visage which peered 
 into mine from the little mirror. My straw- 
 coloured moustache, grown in the flat after 
 a protracted holiday, again preserved the 
 most disappointing dimensions, and was 
 220 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 still invisible in certain lights without wax. 
 So far from discerning the desperate crim- 
 inal who has " done time " once, and de- 
 served it over and over again, the superior 
 but superficial observer might have imag- 
 ined that he detected a certain element of 
 folly in my face. 
 
 At all events it was not the face to shut 
 the doors of a first-class hotel against me, 
 without accidental evidence of a more ex- 
 plicit kind, and it was with no little sat- 
 isfaction that I directed the man to drive 
 to the Star and Garter. I also told him 
 to go through Richmond Park, though he 
 warned me that it would add considerably 
 to the distance and his fare. It was au- 
 tumn, and it struck me that the tints would 
 be fine. And I had learnt from Rafifles to 
 appreciate such things, even amid the ex- 
 citement of an audacious enterprise. 
 
 If I dwell upon my appreciation of this 
 occasion it is because, like most pleasures, 
 it was exceedingly short-hved. I was very 
 comfortable at the Star and Garter, which 
 was so empty that I had a room worthy 
 of a prince, where I could enjoy the finest 
 
 221 
 
Raffles 
 
 of all views (in patriotic opinion) every 
 morning while I shaved. I walked many 
 miles through the noble park, over the 
 commons of Ham and Wimbledon, and 
 one day as far as that of Esher, where I 
 was forcibly reminded of a service we once 
 rendered to a distinguished resident in this 
 delightful locaHty. But it was on Ham 
 Common, one of the places which RafHes 
 had mentioned as specially desirable, that 
 I actually found an almost ideal retreat. 
 This was a cottage where I heard, on in- 
 quiry, that rooms were to be let in the 
 summer. The landlady, a motherly body, 
 of visible excellence, was surprised indeed 
 at receiving an application for the winter 
 months; but I have generally found that 
 the title of " author," claimed with an air, 
 explains every little innocent irregularity 
 of conduct or appearance, and even re- 
 quires something of the kind to carry con- 
 viction to the lay intelligence. The present 
 case was one in point, and when I said 
 that I could only write in a room facing 
 north, on mutton chops and milk, with a 
 cold ham in the wardrobe in case of noc- 
 
 222 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 turnal inspiration, to which I was liable, 
 my literary character was established be- 
 yond dispute. I secured the rooms, paid a 
 month's rent in advance at my own re- 
 quest, and moped in them dreadfully until 
 the week was up and Raffles due any day, 
 I explained that the inspiration would not 
 come, and asked abruptly if the mutton 
 was New Zealand, 
 
 Thrice had I made fruitless inquiries at 
 the Richmond post-office ; but on the tenth 
 day I was in and out almost every hour. 
 Not a word was there for me up to the 
 last post at night. Home I trudged to 
 Ham with horrible forebodings, and back 
 again to Richmond after breakfast next 
 morning. Still there was nothing. I could 
 bear it no more. At ten minutes to eleven 
 I was climbing the station stairs at Earl's 
 Court. 
 
 It was a wretched morning there, a 
 veeping mist shrouding the long straight 
 ttreet, and clinging to one's face in clammy 
 caresses. I felt how much better it was 
 down at Ham, as I turned into our side 
 street, and saw the flats looming like 
 223 
 
Raffles 
 
 mountains, the chimney-pots hidden in the 
 mist. At our entrance stood a nebulous 
 conveyance, that I took at first for a trades- 
 man's van; to my horror it proved to be 
 a hearse ; and all at once the white breath 
 ceased upon my lips, 
 
 I had looked up at our windows and the 
 bHnds were down ! 
 
 I rushed within. The doctor's door stood 
 open. I neither knocked nor rang, but 
 found him in his consulting-room with red 
 eyes and a blotchy face. Otherwise he was 
 in solemn black frorn head to heel. 
 
 " Who is dead ? " I burst out. " Who is 
 dead?" 
 
 The red eyes looked redder than ever as 
 Dr. Theobald opened them at the unwar- 
 rantable sight of me; and he was terribly 
 slow in answering. But in the end he did 
 answer, and did not kick me out as he evi- 
 dently had a mind. 
 
 '' Mr. Maturin/' he said, and sighed like 
 a beaten man, 
 
 I said nothing. It was no surprise to 
 me. I had known it all these minutes. 
 Nay, I had dreaded this from the first, 
 224 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 had divined it at the last, though to the 
 last also I had refused to entertain my own 
 conviction. Raffles dead! A real invalid 
 after all! Raffles dead, and on the point 
 of burial! 
 
 "What did he die of?" I asked, un- 
 consciously drawing on that fund of grim 
 self-control which the weakest of us seem 
 to hold in reserve for real calamity. 
 
 " Typhoid," he answered, " Kensington 
 is full of ito" 
 
 " He was sickening for it when I left, 
 and you knew it, and could get rid of me 
 then 1 " 
 
 " My good fellow, I was obliged to have 
 a more experienced nurse for that very 
 reason." 
 
 The doctor's tone was so conciliatory 
 that I remembered in an instant what a 
 humbug the man was^ and became sud- 
 denly possessed with the vague conviction 
 that he was imposing upon me now. 
 
 "Are you sure it was typhoid at all?** 
 I cried fiercely to his face. " Are you sure 
 it wasn't suicide — or murder?" 
 
 I confess that I can see little point in 
 
 22.S 
 
Raffles 
 
 this speech as I write it down, but it was 
 what I said in a burst of grief and of wild 
 suspicion; nor was it without effect upon 
 Dr. Theobald, who turned bright scarlet 
 from his well-brushed hair to his immacu- 
 late collar. 
 
 " Do you want me to throw you out into 
 the street ? " he cried ; and all at once I 
 remembered that I had come to Rafifles as 
 a perfect stranger, and for his sake might 
 as well preserve that character to the last. 
 
 " I beg your pardon," I said, brokenly. 
 " He was so good to me — I became so 
 attached to him. You forget I am orig- 
 inally of his class." 
 
 " I did forget it," replied Theobald, look- 
 ing relieved at my new tone, " and I beg 
 your pardon for doing so. Hush ! They 
 are bringing him down. I must have a 
 drink before we starts and you'd better 
 join me," 
 
 There was no pretence about his drink 
 this time, and a pretty stiff one it was, but 
 I fancy my own must have run it hard. 
 In my case it cast a merciful haze over 
 much of the next hour, which I can truth- 
 226 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 fully describe as one of the most painful 
 of my whole existence. I can have known 
 very little of what I was doing. I only 
 remember finding myself in a hansom, 
 suddenly wondering why it was going so 
 slowly, and once more awaking to the 
 truth. But it was to the truth itself more 
 than to the liquor that I must have owed 
 my dazed condition. My next recollection 
 is of looking down into the open grave, 
 in a sudden passionate anxiety to see the 
 name for myself. It was not the name of 
 my friend, of course, but it was the one 
 under which he had passed for many 
 months. 
 
 I was still stupefied by a sense of in- 
 conceivable loss, and had not raised my 
 eyes from that which was slowly forcing 
 me to realise what had happened, when 
 there was a rustle at my elbow, and a 
 shower of hothouse flowers passed before 
 them, falling like huge snowflakes where 
 my gaze had rested. I looked up, and at 
 my side stood a majestic figure in deep 
 mourning. The face was carefully veiled, 
 but I was too close not to recognise the 
 227 
 
Raffles 
 
 masterful beauty whom the world knew as 
 Jacques Saillard. I had no sympathy with 
 her ; on the contrary, my blood boiled with 
 the vague conviction that in some way she 
 was responsible for this death. Yet she 
 was the only woman present — there were 
 not half a dozen of us altogether — and her 
 flowers were the only flowers. 
 
 The melancholy ceremony was over, and 
 Jacques Saillard had departed in a funereal 
 brougham, evidently hired for the occa- 
 sion. I had watched her drive away, and 
 the sight of my own cabman, making signs 
 to me through the fog, had suddenly re- 
 minded me that I had bidden him to wait. 
 I was the last to leave, and had turned my 
 back upon the grave-diggers, already at 
 their final task, when a hand fell lightly 
 but firmly upon my shoulder. 
 
 " I don't want to make a scene in a 
 cemetery," said a voice, in a not unkindly, 
 almost confidential whisper. " Will you 
 get into your own cab and come quietly ? " 
 
 ** Who on earth are you ? " I exclaimed. 
 
 I now remembered having seen the fel- 
 low hovering about during the funeral, and 
 228 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 subconsciously taking him for the under- 
 taker's head man. He had certainly that 
 appearance, and even now I could scarcely 
 believe that he was anything else. 
 
 " My name won't help you," he said, 
 pityingly. " But you will guess where I 
 come from when I tell you I have a war- 
 rant for your arrest." 
 
 My sensations at this announcement may 
 not be believed, but I solemnly declare that 
 I have seldom experienced so fierce a sat- 
 isfaction. Here was a new excitement in 
 which to drown my grief; here was some- 
 thing to think about; and I should be 
 spared the intolerable experience of a soli- 
 tary return to the Httle place at Ham. It 
 was as though I had lost a limb and some 
 one had struck me so hard in the face 
 that the greater agony was forgotten. I 
 got into the hansom without a word, my 
 captor following at my heels, and giving 
 his own directions to the cabman before 
 taking his seat. The word " station " was 
 the only one I caught, and I wondered 
 whether it was to be Bow Street again. 
 My companion's next words, however, or 
 229 
 
Raffles 
 
 rather the tone in which he uttered them, 
 destroyed my capacity for idle specula- 
 tion. 
 
 " Mr. Maturin ! '* said he. " Mr. Matu- 
 rin, indeed ! " 
 
 ''Well," said I, "what about him?" 
 
 " Do you think we don't know who he 
 was ? " 
 
 " Who was he ? " I asked, defiantly. 
 
 " You ought to know," said he. " You 
 got locked up through him the other time, 
 too. His favourite name was Raffles, 
 then." 
 
 " It was his real name," I said, indig- 
 nantly. " And he has been dead for years." 
 
 My captor simply chuckled. 
 
 " He's at the bottom of the sea, I tell 
 you ! " 
 
 But I do not know why I should have 
 told him with such spirit, for what could 
 it matter to Raffles now ? I did not think ; 
 instinct was still stronger than reason, and, 
 fresh from his funeral, I had taken up the 
 cudgels for my dead friend as though he 
 were still ahve. Next moment I saw this 
 for myself, and my tears came nearer the 
 230 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 surface than they had been yet; but the 
 fellow at my side laughed outright. 
 
 " Shall I tell you something else ? " said 
 he. 
 
 " As you Hke." 
 
 *' He's not even at the bottom of that 
 grave ! He's no more dead than you or I, 
 and a sham burial is his latest piece of 
 villainy ! " 
 
 I doubt whether I could have spoken if 
 I had tried. I did not try. I had no use 
 for speech. I did not even ask him if he 
 was sure, I was so sure myself. It was all 
 as plain to me as riddles usually are when 
 one has the answer. The doctor's alarms, 
 his unscrupulous venaHty, the simulated 
 illness, my own dismissal, each fitted in its 
 obvious place, and not even the last had 
 power as yet to mar my joy in the one 
 central fact to which all the rest were as 
 tapers to the sun. 
 
 " He is alive ! " I cried. " Nothing else 
 matters — he is alive ! " 
 
 At last I did ask whether they had got 
 him too; but thankful as I was for the 
 greater knowledge, I confess that I did not 
 231 
 
Raffles 
 
 much care what answer I received. Al- 
 ready I was figuring out how much we 
 might each get, and how old we should be 
 when we came out. But my companion 
 tilted his hat to the back of his head, at the 
 same time putting his face close to mine, 
 and compelling my scrutiny. And my an- 
 swer, as you have already guessed, was the 
 face of Raffles himself, superbly disguised 
 (but less superbly than his voice), and yet 
 so thinly that I should have known him 
 in a trice had I not been too miserable 
 in the beginning to give him a second 
 glance. 
 
 Jacques Saillard had made his life im- 
 possible, and this was the one escape. 
 Raffles had bought the doctor for a thou- 
 sand pounds, and the doctor had bought 
 a " nurse " of his own kidney, on his own 
 account; me, for some reason, he would 
 not trust; he had insisted upon my dis- 
 missal as an essential preliminary to his 
 part in the conspiracy. Here the details 
 were half-humorous, half-gruesome, each 
 in turn as Raffles told me the story. At 
 one period he had been very daringly 
 232 
 
An Old Flame 
 
 drugged indeed, and, in his own words, 
 " as dead as a man need be " ; but he had 
 left strict instructions that nobody but the 
 nurse and " my devoted physician " should 
 '* lay a finger on me " afterwards ; and by 
 virtue of this proviso a library of books 
 (largely acquired for the occasion) had 
 been impiously interred at Kensal Green. 
 Raises had definitely undertaken not to 
 trust me with the secret, and, but for my 
 untoward appearance at the funeral (which 
 he had attended for his own final satisfac- 
 tion), I was assured and am convinced that 
 he would have kept his promise to the 
 letter. In explaining this he gave me the 
 one explanation I desired, and in another 
 moment we turned into Praed Street, Pad- 
 dington. 
 
 " And I thought you said Bow Street ! '* 
 said I. " Are you coming straight down 
 to Richmond with me ? " 
 
 '' I may as well," said RafBes, '* though 
 I did mean to get my kit first, so as to 
 start in fair and square as the long-lost 
 brother from the bush. That's why I 
 hadn't written. The function was a day 
 333 
 
Raffles 
 
 later than I calculated. I was going to 
 write to-night." 
 
 " But what are we to do ? " said I, hesi- 
 tating when he had paid the cab. " I have 
 been playing the colonies for all they arc 
 worth ! " 
 
 " Oh, I've lost my luggage," said he, 
 " or a wave came into my cabin and spoilt 
 every stitch, or I had nothing fit to. bring 
 ashore. We'll settle that in the train." 
 
 «34 
 
THE WRONG HOUSE 
 
 MY brother Ralph, who now lived with 
 me on the edge of Ham Common, 
 had come home from Australia with a 
 curious affection of the eyes, due to long 
 exposure to the glare out there, and neces- 
 sitating the use of clouded spectacles in the 
 open air. He had not the rich complexion 
 of the typical colonist, being indeed pecul- 
 iarly pale, but it appeared that he had been 
 confined to his berth for the greater part 
 of the voyage, while his prematurely grey 
 hair was sufficient proof that the rigours 
 of bush life had at last undermined an orig- 
 inally tough constitution. Our landlady, 
 who spoilt my brother from the first, was 
 much concerned on his behalf, and wished 
 to call in the local doctor; but Ralph said 
 dreadful things about the profession, and 
 quite frightened the good woman by ar- 
 bitrarily forbidding her ever to let a doctor 
 235 
 
Raffles 
 
 inside her door. I had to apologise to Her 
 for the painful prejudices and violent lan- 
 guage of " these colonists," but the old 
 soul was easily mollified. She had fallen 
 in love with my brother at first sight, and 
 she never could do too much for him. It 
 was owing to our landlady that I took to 
 calling him Ralph, for the first time in our 
 lives, on her beginning to speak of and to 
 him as '' Mr. Raffles." 
 
 " This won't do," said he to me. " It's 
 a name that sticks." 
 
 " It must be my fault ! She must have 
 heard it from me," said I self-reproach- 
 fully. 
 
 '' You must tell her it's the short for 
 Ralph." 
 
 " But it's longer." 
 
 " It's the short," said he ; " and youVe 
 got to tell her so." 
 
 Henceforth I heard as much of " Mr. 
 Ralph," his Hkes and his dislikes, what he 
 would fancy and what he would not, and 
 oh, what a dear gentleman he was, that I 
 often remembered to say " Ralph, old 
 chap," myself. 
 
 236 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 It was an ideal cottage, as I said when I 
 found it, and in it our delicate man became 
 rapidly robust. Not that the air was also 
 ideal, for, when it was not raining, we had 
 the same faithful mist from November to 
 March. But it was something to Ralph to 
 get any air at all, other than night-air, and 
 the bicycle did the rest. We taught our- 
 selves, and may I never forget our earlier 
 rides, through and through Richmond 
 Park when the afternoons were shortest, 
 upon the incomparable Ripley Road when 
 we gave a day to it. Raffles rode a Beeston 
 Humber, a Royal Sunbeam was good 
 enough for me, but he insisted on our both 
 having Dunlop tyres. 
 
 " They seem the most popular brand. I 
 had my eye on the road all the way from 
 Ripley to Cobham, and there were more 
 Dunlop marks than any other kind. Bless 
 you, yes, they all leave their special tracks, 
 and we don't want ours to be extra special ; 
 the Dunlop's like a rattlesnake, and the 
 Palmer leaves telegraph-wires, but surely 
 the serpent is more in our line." 
 
 That was the winter when there were so 
 237 
 
Raffles 
 
 many burglaries in the Thame: Valley 
 from Richmond upward. It was said that 
 the thieves used bicycles in every case, but 
 what is not said? They were sometimes on 
 foot to my knowledge, and we took a great 
 interest in the series, or rather sequence of 
 successful crimes. Raffles would often get 
 his devoted old lady to read him the latest 
 local accounts, while I was busy with my 
 writing (much I wrote) in my own room. 
 We even rode out by night ourselves, to see 
 if we could not get on the tracks of the 
 thieves, and never did we fail to find hot 
 coflfee on the hob for our return. We had 
 indeed fallen upon our feet. Also, the 
 misty nights might have been made for the 
 thieves. But their success was not so con- 
 sistent, and never so enormous, as people 
 said, especially the sufferers, who lost more 
 valuables than they had ever been known 
 to possess. Failure was often the caitiffs' 
 portion, and disaster once; owing, iron- 
 ically enough, to that very mist which 
 should have served them. But I am going 
 to tell the story with some particularity, 
 and perhaps some gusto, you will see why 
 
 who read. 
 
 238 
 
The Wrons: House 
 
 fc> 
 
 The right house stood on high ground 
 near the river, with quite a drive (in at one 
 gate and out at the other) sweeping past 
 the steps. Between the two gates was a 
 half-moon of shrubs, to the left of the steps 
 a conservatory, and to their right the walk 
 leading to the tradesmen's entrance and the 
 back premises ; here also was the pantry- 
 window, of which more anon. The right 
 house was the residence of an opulent 
 stockbroker who wore a heavy watch- 
 chain and seemed fair game. There would 
 have been two objections to it had I been 
 the stockbroker. The house was one of a 
 row, though a goodly row, and an army- 
 crammer had established himself next door. 
 There is a type of such institutions in th( 
 suburbs ; the youths go about in knicker- 
 bockers, smoking pipes, except on Satur- 
 day nights, when they lead each other home 
 from the last train. It was none of our 
 business to spy upon these boys, but their 
 manners and customs fell within the field 
 of observation. And we did not choose the 
 night upon which the whole row was likely 
 to be kept awake. 
 
 239 
 
Raffles 
 
 The night that v/e did choose was as 
 misty as even the Thames Valley is capable 
 of making them. Raffles smeared vaseline 
 upon the plated parts of his Beeston Hum- 
 ber before starting, and our dear landlady 
 cosseted us both, and prayed we might 
 see nothing of the nasty burglars, not 
 denying as the reward would be very 
 handy to them that got it, to say noth- 
 ing of the honor and glory. We had prom- 
 ised her a liberal perquisite in the event of 
 our success, but she must not give other 
 cyclists our idea by mentioning it to a soul. 
 It was about midnight when we cycled 
 through Kingston to Surbiton, having 
 trundled our machines across Ham Fields, 
 mournful in the mist as those by Acheron, 
 and so over Teddington Bridge. 
 
 I often wonder why the pantry window 
 is the vulnerable point of nine houses out 
 of ten. This house of ours was almost the 
 tenth, for the window in question had bars 
 of sorts, but not the right sort. The only 
 bars that Raffles allowed to beat him were 
 the kind that are let into the stone outside ; 
 those fixed within are merely screwed to 
 240 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 the woodwork, and you can unscrew as 
 many as necessary if you take the trouble 
 and have the time. Barred windows are 
 usually devoid of other fasteners worthy the 
 name; this one was no exception to that 
 foolish rule, and a push with the penknife 
 did its business. I am giving householders 
 some valuable hints, and perhaps deserv- 
 ing a good mark from the critics. These, in 
 any case, are the points that I would see 
 to, were I a rich stockbroker in a river-side 
 suburb. In giving good advice, however, 
 I should not have omitted to say that we 
 had left our machines in the semicircular 
 shrubbery in front, or that RafBes had most 
 ingeniously fitted our lamps with dark 
 slides, which enabled us to leave them burn- 
 ing. 
 
 It proved sufficient to unscrew the bars at 
 the bottom only, and then to wrench them 
 to either side. Neither of us had grown 
 stout with advancing years, and in a few 
 minutes we had both wormed through into 
 the sink, and thence to the floor. It was not 
 an absolutely noiseless process, but once in 
 the pantry we were mice, and no longer 
 241 
 
Raffles 
 
 blind mice. There was a gas-bracket, but 
 we did not meddle with that. Raffles went 
 armed these nights with a better light than 
 gas ; if it were not immoral, I might rec- 
 ommend a dark-lantern which was more or 
 less his patent. It was that handy inven- 
 tion, the electric torch, fitted by Raffles with 
 a dark hood to fulfil the functions of a slide. 
 I had held it through the bars while he un- 
 did the screws, and now he held it to the 
 keyhole, in which a key was turned upon 
 the other side. 
 
 There was a pause for consideration, and 
 in the pause we put on our masks. It 
 was never known that these Thames Valley 
 robberies were all committed by miscreants 
 decked in the livery of crime, but that was 
 because until this night we had never even 
 shown our masks. It was a point upon 
 which Raffles had insisted on all feasible 
 occasions since his furtive return to the 
 world. To-night it twice nearly lost us 
 everything — but you shall hear. 
 
 There is a forceps for turning keys from 
 the wrong side of the door, but the imple- 
 ment is not so easy of manipulation as it 
 242 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 might be. Raffles for one preferred a sharp 
 knife and the corner of the panel. You 
 go through the panel because that is thin- 
 nest, of course in the corner nearest the 
 key, and you use a knife when you can, be- 
 cause it makes least noise. But it does take 
 minutes, and even I can remember shifting 
 the electric torch from one hand to the 
 other before the aperture was large enough 
 to receive the hand and wrist of Raffles. 
 
 He had at such times a motto of which I 
 might have made earlier use, but the fact 
 is that I have only once before described 
 a downright burglary in which I assisted, 
 and that without knowing it at the time. 
 The most solemn student of these annals 
 cannot affirm that he has cut through many 
 doors in our company, since (what was to 
 me) the maiden effort to which I allude. 
 I, however, have cracked only too many a 
 crib in conjunction with A. J. Raffles, and 
 at the crucial moment he would whisper 
 " Victory or Wormwood Scrubbs, Bun- 
 ny ! " or instead of Wormwood Scrubbs 
 it might be Portland Bill. This time it was 
 neither one nor the other, for with that very 
 243 
 
Raffles 
 
 word " victory " upon his lips, they whit- 
 ened and parted with the first taste of de- 
 feat. 
 
 " My hand's held ! " gasped Raffles, and 
 the white of his eyes showed all round the 
 iris, a rarer thing than you may think. 
 
 At the same moment I heard the shuf- 
 fling feet and the low, excited young voices 
 on the other side of the door, and a faint 
 light shone round Raffles's wrist. 
 
 "Well done. Beefy!" 
 
 " Hang on to him ! " 
 
 "Good old Beefy!" 
 
 " Beefy's got him ! " 
 
 " So have I — so have I ! " 
 
 And Raffles caught my arm with his one 
 free hand. ** They've got me tight," he 
 whispered. " I'm done." 
 
 " Blaze through the door," I urged, and 
 might have done it had I been armed. But 
 I never was. It was Raffles who monopo- 
 lised that risk. 
 
 " I can't — it's the boys — the wrong 
 
 house ! " he whispered. " Curse the fog — 
 
 it's done me. But you get out, Bunny, 
 
 while you can; never mind me; it's my 
 
 turn, old chap." 
 
 244 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 His one hand tightened in affectionate 
 farewell. I put the electric torch in it before 
 I went, trembling in every inch, but without 
 a word. 
 
 Get out! His turn! Yes, I would get 
 out, but only to come in again, for it was 
 my turn — mine — not his. Would Raffles 
 leave me held by a hand through a hole 
 in a door? What he would have done in 
 my place was the thing for me to do now. 
 I began by diving head-first through the 
 pantry window and coming to earth upon 
 all fours. But even as I stood up, and 
 brushed the gravel from the palms of my 
 hands and the knees of my knickerbockers, 
 I had no notion what to do next. And yet 
 I was half-way to the front door before I 
 remembered the vile crape mask upon my 
 face, and tore it off as the door flew open 
 and my feet were on the steps. 
 
 " He's into the next garden," I cried to 
 a bevy of pajamas with bare feet and young 
 faces at either end of them. . 
 
 "Who? Who?" said they, giving way 
 before me. 
 
 '' Some fellow who came through one of 
 your windows head-first." 
 245 
 
Raffles 
 
 " The other Johnny, the other Johnny," 
 the cherubs chorused. 
 
 " Biking past — saw the light — ^why, what 
 have you there ? " 
 
 Of course, it was Raffles's hand that they 
 had, but now I was in the hall among them. 
 A red-faced barrel of a boy did all the hold- 
 ing, one hand round the wrist, the other 
 palm to palm, and his knees braced up 
 against the panel. Another was rendering 
 ostentatious but ineffectual aid, and three 
 or four others danced about in their paja- 
 mas. After all, they were not more than 
 four to one. I had raised my voice, 
 so that Raffles might hear me and take 
 heart, and now I raised it again. Yet to this 
 day I cannot account for my inspiration, 
 that proved nothing less. 
 
 " Don't talk so loud." they were crying 
 below their breath ; ** don^t wake 'em up- 
 stairs, this is our show." 
 
 " Then I see you've got one of them," 
 said I, as desired. " Well, if you want the 
 other you can have him, too. I believe he's 
 hurt himself." 
 
 " After him, after him ! " they exclaimed 
 as one. 
 
 246 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 " But I think he got over the wall " 
 
 " Come on, you chaps, come on ! " 
 
 And there was a soft stampede to the hall 
 door. 
 
 " Don't all desert me, I say ! " gasped the 
 red-faced hero who held Raffles prisoner. 
 
 " We must have them both, Beefy ! " 
 
 " That's all very well " 
 
 " Look here," I interposed, " I'll stay by 
 you. I've a friend outside^ I'll get him 
 too." 
 
 " Thanks awfully," said the valiant Beefy. 
 
 The hall was empty now. My heart beat 
 high. 
 
 ** How did you hear them ? " I inquired, 
 my eye running over him. 
 
 ** We were down having drinks — game 
 o' nap — in there." 
 
 Beefy jerked his great head toward an 
 open door, and the tail of my eye caught 
 the glint of glasses in the firelight, but the 
 rest of it was otherwise engaged. 
 
 " Let me relieve you," I said, trembUng. 
 
 '' No, I'm all right." 
 
 " Then I must insist." 
 
 And before he could answer I had him 
 247 
 
Raffles 
 
 found the neck with such a will that not 
 a gurgle passed my fingers, for they were 
 almost buried in his hot smooth flesh. Oh, 
 I am not proud of it ; the act was as vile as 
 act could be ; but I was not going to see 
 Raffles taken, my one desire was to be the 
 saving of him, and I tremble even now 
 to think to what lengths I might have 
 gone for its fulfilment. As it was, I 
 squeezed and tugged until one strong hand 
 gave way after the other and came feeling 
 round for me, but feebly because they had 
 held on so long. And what do you suppose 
 was happening at the same moment ? The 
 pinched white hand of Raffles, reddening 
 with returning blood, and with a clot of 
 blood upon the wrist, was craning upward 
 and turning the key in the lock without a 
 moment's loss. 
 
 ** Steady on, Bunny ! " 
 
 And I saw that Beefy's ears were blue; 
 but Raffles was feeHng in his pockets as he 
 spoke. " Now let him breathe," said he, 
 clapping his handkerchief over the poor 
 youth's mouth. An empty phial was in his 
 other hand, and the first few stertorous 
 248 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 breaths that the poor boy took were the 
 end of him for the time being. Oh, but it 
 was villainous, my part especially, for he 
 must have been far gone to go the rest of 
 the way so readily. I began by saying I 
 was not proud of this deed, but its dastardly 
 character has come home to me more than 
 ever with the penance of writing it out. I 
 see in myself, at least my then self, things 
 that I never saw quite so clearly before. 
 Yet let me be quite sure that I would not 
 do the same again. I had not the smallest 
 desire to throttle this innocent lad (nor did 
 I), but only to extricate Raffles from the 
 most hopeless position he was ever in; and 
 after all it was better than a blow from be- 
 hind. On the whole, I will not alter a 
 word, nor whine about the thing any more. 
 We lifted the plucky fellow into Raffles's 
 place in the pantry, locked the door on him, 
 and put the key through the panel. Now 
 was the moment for thinking of ourselves, 
 and again that infernal mask which Raffles 
 swore by came near the undoing of us both. 
 We had reached the steps when we were 
 hailed by a voice, not from without but 
 249 
 
Raffles 
 
 from within, and I had just time to tear the 
 accursed thing from Raffles's face before he 
 turned. 
 
 A stout man with a blonde moustache was 
 on the stairs, in his pajamas like the boys. 
 
 " What are you doing here ? " said he. 
 
 " There has been an attempt upon your 
 house," said I, still spokesman for the 
 night, and still on the wings of inspira- 
 tion. 
 
 ** Your sons " 
 
 " My pupils." 
 
 '* Indeed. Well, they heard it, drove off 
 the thieves, and have given chase." 
 
 " And where do you come in? " inquired 
 the stout man, descending. 
 
 " We were bicycling past, and I actually 
 saw one fellow come head-first through 
 your pantry window. I think he got over 
 the wall." 
 
 Here a breathless boy returned. 
 
 " Can't see anything of him," he gasped. 
 
 " It's true, then," remarked the cram- 
 mer. 
 
 " Look at that door," said I. 
 
 But unfortunately the breathless boy 
 250 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 looked also, and now he was being joined 
 by others equally short of wind. 
 
 "Where's Beefy?" he screamed. "What 
 on earth's happened to Beefy? " 
 
 " My good boys," exclaimed the cram- 
 mer, " will one of you be kind enough to tell 
 me what you've been doing, and what these 
 gentlemen have been doing for you? 
 Come in all, before you get your death. I 
 see lights in the class-room, and more than 
 lights. , Can these be signs of a carouse? " 
 
 " A very innocent one, sir," said a well- 
 set-up youth with more moustache than I 
 have yet. 
 
 " Well, Olphert, boys will be boys. Sup- 
 pose you tell me what happened, before we 
 come to recriminations." 
 
 The bad old proverb was my first warn- 
 ing. I caught two of the youths exchang- 
 ing glances under raised eyebrows. Yet 
 their stout, easy-going mentor had given 
 me such a reassuring glance of sidelong 
 humour, as between man of the world and 
 man of the world, that it was difficult to sus- 
 pect him of suspicion. I was nevertheless 
 itching to be gone. 
 
 251 
 
Raffles 
 
 Young Olphert told his story with en- 
 gaging candour. It was true that they had 
 come down for an hour's nap and cig- 
 arettes; well, and there was no denying 
 that was whisky in the glasses. The boys 
 were now all back in their class-room, I 
 think entirely for the sake of warmth ; but 
 Raffles and I were in knickerbockers and 
 Norfolk jackets, and very naturally re- 
 mained without, while the army-crammer 
 (who wore bed-room slippers) stood on the 
 threshold, with an eye each way. The more 
 I saw of the man the better I liked and the 
 more I feared him. His chief annoyance 
 thus far was that they had not called him 
 when they heard the noise, that they had 
 dreamt of leaving him out of the fun. But 
 he semed more hurt than angry about that. 
 
 " Well, sir," concluded Olphert, " we left 
 old Beefy Smith hanging on to his hand, 
 and this gentleman with him, so perhaps he 
 can tell us what happened next ? " 
 
 " I wish I could," I cried, with all their 
 eyes upon me, for I had had time to think. 
 " Some of you must have heard me say I'd 
 fetch my friend in from the road ? '* 
 252 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 " Yes, I did,'* piped an innocent from 
 within. 
 
 " Well, and when I came back with him 
 things were exactly as you see them now. 
 Evidently the man's strength was too much 
 for the boy's ; but whether he ran upstairs 
 or outside I know no more than you do." 
 
 " It wasn't like that boy to run either 
 way," said the crammer, cocking a clear 
 blue eye on me. 
 
 " But if he gave chase ! " 
 
 " It wasn't like him even to let go." 
 
 " I don't believe Beefy ever would," put 
 in Olphert. " That's why we gave him the 
 billet." 
 
 " He may have followed him through the 
 pantry window," I suggested wildly. 
 
 " But the door's shut," put in a boy. 
 
 " I'll have a look at it," said the crammer. 
 
 And the key no longer in the lock, and 
 the insensible youth within ! The key 
 would be missed, the door kicked in ; nay, 
 with the man's eye still upon me, I thought 
 I could smell the chloroform, I thought I 
 could hear a moan, and prepared for either 
 any moment. And how he did stare I I 
 253 
 
Raffles 
 
 have detested blue eyes ever since, and 
 blonde moustaches, and the whole stout 
 easy-going type that is not such a fool as 
 it looks. I had brazened it out with the 
 boys, but the first grown man was too many 
 for me, and the blood ran out of my heart 
 as though there was no Raffles at my 
 back. Indeed, I had forgotten him. I 
 had so longed to put this thing through 
 by myself! Even in my extremity it 
 was almost a disappointment to me when 
 his dear cool voice fell like a delicious 
 draught upon my ears. But its effect upon 
 the others is more interesting to recall. 
 Until now the crammer had the centre of 
 the stage, but at this point Raffles usurped 
 a place which was always his at will. Peo- 
 ple would wait for what he had to say, as 
 these people waited now for the simplest 
 and most natural thing in the world. 
 
 " One moment! " he had begun. 
 
 " Well ? " said the crammer, relieving me 
 of his eyes at last. 
 
 " I don't want to lose any of the fun " 
 
 " Nor must you," said the crammer, with 
 emphasis. 
 
 254 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 " But we've left our bikes outside, and 
 mine's a Beeston Humber," continued Raf- 
 fles. '* If you don't mind, we'll bring 'em 
 in before these fellows get away on them." 
 
 And out he went without a look to see 
 the effect of his words, I after him with a 
 determined imitation of his self-control. 
 But I would have given something to turn 
 round. I believe that for one moment the 
 shrewd instructor was taken in, but as I 
 reached the steps I heard him asking his 
 pupils whether any of them had seen any 
 bicycles outside. 
 
 That moment, however, made the differ- 
 ence. We were in the shrubbery. Raffles 
 with his electric torch drawn and blazing, 
 when we heard them kicking at the pantry 
 door, and in the drive with our bicycles be- 
 fore man and boys poured pell-mell down 
 the steps. 
 
 We rushed our machines to the nearer 
 gate, for both were shut, and we got 
 through and swung it home behind us in 
 the nick of time. Even I could mount be- 
 fore they could reopen the gate, which Raf- 
 fles held against them for half an instant 
 25s 
 
Raffles 
 
 with unnecessary gallantry. But he would 
 see me in front of him, and so it fell to me 
 to lead the way. 
 
 Now, I have said that it was a very misty 
 night (hence the whole thing), and also that 
 these houses were on a hill. But they were 
 not nearly on the top of the hill, and I did 
 what I firmly believe that almost everybody 
 would have done in my place. Raffles, in- 
 deed, said he would have done it himself, 
 but that was his generosity, and he was the 
 one man who would not. What I did was 
 to turn in the opposite direction to the other 
 gate, where we might so easily have been 
 cut ofif, and to pedal for my life — up-hill ! 
 
 " My God ! " I shouted when I found it 
 out. 
 
 "Can you turn in your own length?" 
 asked Raffles, following loyally. 
 
 " Not certain." 
 
 " Then stick to it. You couldn't help it. 
 But it's the devil of a hill ! " 
 
 " And here they come ! " 
 
 ** Let them," said Raffles, and brandished 
 his electric torch, our only light as yet. 
 
 A hill seems endless in the dark, for you 
 256 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 cannot see the end, and with the patter of 
 bare feet gaining on us, I thought this one 
 could have no end at all. Of course the 
 boys could charge up it quicker than we 
 could pedal, but I even heard the voice of 
 their stout instructor growing louder 
 through the mist. 
 
 " Oh, to think IVe let you in for this ! " 
 I groaned, my head over the handle-bars, 
 every ounce of my weight first on one foot 
 and then on the other. I glanced at Raffles, 
 and in the white light of his torch he was 
 doing it all with his ankles, exactly as 
 though he had been riding in a Gymkhana. 
 
 *' It's the most sporting chase I was ever 
 in," said he. 
 
 "All my fault!" 
 
 " My dear Bunny, I wouldn*t have 
 missed it for the world ! " 
 
 Nor would he forge ahead of me, though 
 he could have done so in a moment, he who 
 from his boyhood had done everything of 
 the kind so much better than anybody else. 
 No, he must ride a wheel's length behind 
 me, and now we could not only hear the 
 boys running, but breathing also. And 
 257 
 
Raffles 
 
 then of a sudden I saw Raffles on my right 
 striking with his torch ; a face flew out of 
 the darkness to meet the thick glass bulb 
 with the glowing wire enclosed ; it was the 
 face of the boy Olphert, with his enviable 
 moustache, but it vanished with the crash 
 of glass, and the naked wire thickened to 
 the eye like a tuning-fork struck red-hot. 
 
 I saw no more of that. One of them had 
 crept up on my side also ; as I looked, hear- 
 ing him pant, he was grabbing at my left 
 handle, and I nearly sent Raffles into the 
 hedge by the sharp turn I took to the right. 
 His wheel's length saved him. But my boy 
 could run, was overhauling me again, 
 seemed certain of me this time, when all at 
 once the Sunbeam ran easily; every ounce 
 of my weight with either foot once more, 
 and I was over the crest of the hill, the grey 
 road reeling out from under me as I felt for 
 my brake. 1 looked back at Raffles. He 
 had put up his feet. I screwed my head 
 round still further, and there were the boys 
 in their pajamas, their hands upon their 
 knees, like so many wicket-keepers, and a 
 big man shaking his fist. There was a lamp- 
 25S 
 
The Wrong House 
 
 post on the hill-top, and that was the last I 
 saw. 
 
 We sailed down to the river, then on 
 through Thames Ditton as far as Esher 
 Station, when we turned sharp to the right, 
 and from the dark stretch by Imber Court 
 came to Hght in Molesey, and were soon 
 pedalling Hke gentlemen of leisure through 
 Bushey Park, our lights turned up, the 
 broken torch put out and away. The big 
 gates had long been shut, but you can 
 manoeuvre a bicycle through the others. 
 We had no further adventures on the way 
 home, and our coffee was still warm upon 
 the hob. 
 
 " But I think it's an occasion for Sulli- 
 vans," said Raffles, who now kept them for 
 such. " By all my gods. Bunny, it's been 
 the most sporting night we ever had in our 
 lives! And do you know which was the 
 most sporting part of it? " 
 
 "That up-hill ride?" 
 
 " I wasn't thinking of it." 
 
 " Turning your torch into a truncheon ? " 
 
 " My dear Bunny 1 A gallant lad — I 
 hated hitting him." 
 
 259 
 
Raffles 
 
 " I know," I said. " The way you got 
 
 us out of the house ! " 
 
 " No, Bunny," said Raffles, blowing 
 rings. " It came before that, you sinner, 
 and you know it ! " 
 
 " You don't mean anything I did ? " said 
 I, self-consciously, for I began to see that 
 this was what he did mean. And now at 
 latest it will also be seen why this story has 
 been told with undue and inexcusable 
 gusto ; there is none other like it for me to 
 tell ; it is my one ewe-lamb in all these an- 
 nals. But Raffles had a ruder name for it. 
 
 " It was the Apotheosis of the Bunny," 
 said he, but in a tone I never shall forget. 
 
 " I hardly knew what I was doing or say- 
 ing," I said. " The whole thing was a 
 fluke." 
 
 " Then," said Raffles, " it was the kind of 
 fluke I always trusted you to make when 
 runs were wanted," 
 
 And he held out his dear old hand. 
 
 360 
 
fHE KNEES OF THE GODS 
 
 I 
 
 THE worst of this war," said Raffles, 
 " is the way it puts a fellow off his 
 work." 
 
 It was, of course, the winter before last, 
 and we had done nothing dreadful since the 
 early autumn. Undoubtedly the war was 
 the cause. Not that we were among the 
 earlier victims of the fever. I took dis- 
 gracefully little interest in the Negotiations, 
 while the Ultimatum appealed to Raffles as 
 a sporting flutter. Then we gave the whole 
 thing till Christmas. We still missed the 
 cricket in the papers. But one russet after- 
 noon we were in Richmond, and a terrible 
 type was shouting himself hoarse with 
 ** 'Eavy British lorsses — orful slorter o* 
 the Bo-wers! Orful slorter! Orful slorter 1 
 'Eavy British lorsses ! " I thought the ter- 
 rible type had invented it, but Raffles gave 
 261 
 
Raffles 
 
 him more than he asked, and then I held the 
 bicycles while he tried to pronounce 
 Eland's Laagte. We were never again 
 without our sheaf of evening papers, and 
 Raffles ordered three morning ones, and I 
 gave up mine in spite of its literary page. 
 We became strategists. We knew exactly 
 what BuUer was to do on landing, and, still 
 better, what the other Generals should have 
 done. Our map was the best that could be 
 bought, with flags that deserved a better 
 fate than standing still. Raffles woke me 
 to hear The Absent-Minded Beggar on the 
 morning it appeared; he was one of the 
 first substantial subscribers to the fund. 
 By this time our dear landlady was more 
 excited than we. To our enthusiasm for 
 Thomas she added a personal bitterness 
 against the Wild Boars, as she persisted in 
 calling them, each time as though it were 
 the first. I could Hnger over our landlady's 
 attitude in the whole matter. That was her 
 only joke about it, and the true humorist 
 never smiled at it herself. But you had only 
 to say a syllable for a venerable gentleman, 
 declared by her to be at the bottom of it all, 
 263 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 to hear what she could do to him if she 
 caught him. She could put him in a cage 
 and go on tour with him, and make him 
 howl and dance for his food like a debased 
 bear before a fresh audience every day. Yet 
 a more kind-hearted woman I have never 
 known. The war did not uplift our land- 
 lady as it did her lodgers. 
 
 But presently it ceased to have that pre- 
 cise efifect upon us. Bad was being made 
 worse and worse; and then came more 
 than Englishmen could endure in that 
 black week across which the names of 
 three African villages are written forever in 
 letters of blood. " All three pegs," groaned 
 Raflfles on the last morning of the week; 
 " neck-and-crop, neck-and-crop ! " It was 
 his first word of cricket since the beginning 
 of the war. 
 
 We were both depressed. Old school- 
 fellows had fallen, and I know Raffles en- 
 vied them ; he spoke so wistfully of such 
 an end. To cheer him up I proposed to 
 break into one of the many more or less 
 royal residences in our neighbourhood; a 
 tough crib was what he needed ; but I will 
 263 
 
Raffles 
 
 not trouble you with what he said to me. 
 There was less crime in England that win- 
 ter than for years past ; there was none at 
 all in Raffles. And yet there were those 
 who could denounce the war ! 
 
 So we went on for a few of those dark 
 days, Raffles very glum and grim, till one 
 fine morning the Yeomanry idea put new 
 heart into us all. It struck me at once as 
 the glorious scheme it was to prove, but it 
 did not hit me where it hit others. I was 
 not a fox-hunter, and the gentlemen of 
 England would scarcely have owned me 
 as one of them. The case of Raffles was in 
 that respect still more hopeless (he who 
 had even played for them at Lord's), and 
 he seemed to feel it. He would not speak 
 to me all the morning ; in the afternoon he 
 went for a walk alone. It was another man 
 who came home, flourishing a small bottle 
 packed in white paper. 
 
 " Bunny," said he, " I never did lift my 
 elbow; it's the one vice I never had. It 
 has taken me all these years to find my tip- 
 ple. Bunny; but here it is, my panacea, 
 my elixir, my magic philtre 1 " 
 264 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 I thought he had been at it on the road, 
 and asked him the name of the stuff. 
 
 " Look and see, Bunny." 
 
 And if it wasn't a bottle of ladies* hair- 
 dye, warranted to change any shade into 
 the once fashionable yellow within a given 
 number of applications ! 
 
 " What on earth," said I, ** are you go- 
 ing to do with this ? " 
 
 " Dye for my country," he cried, swell- 
 ing. " Dulce et decorum est, Bunny, my 
 boy!" 
 
 " Do you mean that you're going to the 
 front?" 
 
 ** If I can without coming to it." 
 
 I looked at him as he stood in the fire- 
 light, straight as a dart, spare but wiry, 
 alert, laughing, flushed from his wintry 
 walk ; and as I looked, all the years that I 
 had known him, and more besides, slipped 
 from him in my eyes. I saw him captain 
 of the eleven at school. I saw him running 
 with the muddy ball on days Hke this, run- 
 ning round the other fifteen as a sheep-dog 
 round a flock of sheep. He had his cap on 
 still, and but for the grey hairs underneath 
 265 
 
Raffles 
 
 — ^but here I last him in a sudden mist. 
 It was not sorrow at his going, for I did not 
 mean to let him go alone. It was enthusi- 
 asm, admiration, affection, and also, I be- 
 lieve, a sudden regret that he had not al- 
 ways appealed to that part of my nature to 
 which he was appealing now. It was a lit- 
 tle thrill of penitence. Enough of it. 
 
 " I think it great of you," I said, and at 
 first that was all. 
 
 How he laughed at me ! He had had his 
 innings ; there was no better way of getting 
 out. He had scored off an African mill- 
 ionaire, the Players, a Queensland Legis- 
 lator, the Camorra, the late Lord Ernest 
 Belville, and again and again off Scot- 
 land Yard. What more could one man 
 do in one lifetime? And at the worst it 
 was the death to die: no bed, no doctor, 
 no temperature — and Raffles stopped him- 
 self. 
 
 " No pinioning, no white cap," he added, 
 *' if you like that better." 
 
 " I don't like any of it," I cried, cordially ; 
 " you've simply got to come back." 
 
 " To what ? " he asked, a strange look on 
 266 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 him. And I wondered — for one instant— 
 whether my little thrill had gone through 
 him. He was not a man of little thrills. 
 
 Then for a minute I was in misery. Of 
 course I wanted to go too — he shook my 
 hand without a word — but how could I? 
 They would never have me, a branded jail- 
 bird, in the Imperial Yeomanry! Raffles 
 burst out laughing; he had been looking 
 very hard at me for about three seconds. 
 
 " You rabbit," he cried, " even to think 
 of it ! We might as well offer ourselves to 
 the Metropolitan Police Force. No, Bunny, 
 we go out to the Cape on our own, and 
 that's where we enlist. One of these regi- 
 ments of irregular horse is the thing for 
 us; you spent part of your pretty penny 
 on horse-flesh, I believe, and you remem- 
 ber how I rode in the bush! We're the 
 very men for them. Bunny, and they won't 
 ask to see our birth-marks out there. I 
 don't think even my hoary locks would 
 put them off, but it would be too con- 
 spicuous in the ranks." 
 
 Our landlady first wept on hearing our 
 determination, and then longed to have the 
 267 
 
Raffles 
 
 pulling of certain whiskers (with the tongs, 
 and they should be red-hot) ; but from that 
 day, and for as many as were left to us, 
 the good soul made more of us than ever. 
 Not that she was at all surprised; dear 
 brave gentlemen who could look for bur- 
 glars on their bicycles at dead of night, 
 it was only what you might expect of them, 
 bless their lion hearts. I wanted to wink at 
 Raffles, but he would not catch my eye. He 
 was a ginger-headed Raffles by the end of 
 January, and it was extraordinary what a 
 difference it made. His most elaborate dis- 
 guises had not been more effectual than this 
 simple expedient, and, with khaki to com- 
 plete the subdual of his individuality, he 
 had every hope of escaping recognition in 
 the field. The man he dreaded was the 
 officer he had known in old days; there 
 were ever so many of him at the Front ; and 
 it was to minimise this risk that we went out 
 second-class at the beginning of February, 
 It was a weeping day, a day in a shroud, 
 cold as clay, yet for that very reason an ideal 
 day upon which to leave England for the 
 sunny Front. Yet my heart was heavy as I 
 26S 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 looked my last at her; it was heavy as the 
 raw thick air, until Raffles came and leant 
 upon the rail at my side. 
 
 " I know what you are thinking, and 
 youVe got to stop," said he. " It's on the 
 knees of the gods, Bunny, whether we do or 
 we don't, and thinking won't make us see 
 over their shoulders." 
 
 II 
 
 Now I made as bad a sol4ier (ex- 
 cept at heart) as Raffles made a good 
 one, and I could not say a harder thing 
 of myself. My ignorance of matters mili- 
 tary was up to that time unfathomable, and 
 is still profound. I was always a fool 
 with horses, though I did not think so at 
 one time, and I had never been any good 
 with a gun. The average Tommy may be 
 my intellectual inferior, but he must know 
 some part of his work better than I ever 
 knew any of mine. I never even learnt 
 to be killed. I do not mean that I ever ran 
 away. The South African Field Force 
 might have been strengthened if I had. 
 269 
 
Raffles 
 
 The foregoing remarks do not express a 
 pose affected out of superiority to the usual 
 spirit of the conquering hero, for no man 
 was keener on the war than I, before I went 
 to it. But one can only write with gusto 
 of events (like that little affair at Surbiton) 
 in which one has acquitted oneself without 
 discredit, and I cannot say that of my 
 part in the war, of which I now loathe the 
 thought for other reasons. The battle-field 
 was no place for me, and neither was the 
 camp. My ineptitude made me the butt of 
 the looting, cursing, swashbuckling lot who 
 formed the very irregular squadron which 
 we joined; and it would have gone hard 
 with me but for Raf^es, who was soon the 
 darling devil of them all, but never more 
 loyally my friend. Your fireside fire-eater 
 does not think of these things. He imag- 
 ines all the fighting to be with the enemy. 
 He will probably be horrified to hear that 
 men can detest each other as cordially in 
 khaki as in any other wear, and with a 
 virulence seldom inspired by the bearded 
 dead-shot in the opposite trench. To the 
 fireside fire-eater, therefore (for you have 
 270 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 seen me one myself), I dedicate the story 
 of Corporal Connal, Captain Bellingham, 
 the General, Raffles, and myself. 
 
 I must be vague, for obvious reasons. 
 The troop is fighting as I write ; you will 
 soon hear why I am not; but neither is 
 Raffles, nor Corporal Connal. They are 
 fighting as well as ever, those other hard- 
 living, harder-dying sons of all soils; but 
 I am not going to say where it was that 
 we fought with them. I believe that no 
 body of men of equal size has done half 
 so much heroic work. But they had got 
 themselves a bad name off the field, so to 
 speak; and I am not going to make it 
 worse by saddling them before the world 
 with Raffles and myself, and that ruffian 
 Connal. 
 
 The fellow was a mongrel type, a Glas- 
 gow Irishman by birth and upbringing, but 
 he had been in South Africa for years, and 
 he certainly knew the country very well. 
 This circumstance, coupled with the fact 
 that he was a very handy man with horses, 
 as all colonists are, had procured him the 
 first small step from the ranks which facili- 
 271 
 
Raffles 
 
 tates bullying if a man be_a bully by nat- 
 ure, and is physically fitted to be a success- 
 ful one. Connal was a hulking ruffian, 
 and in me had ideal game. The brute was 
 offensive to me from the hour I joined. 
 The details are of no importance, but I 
 stood up to him at first in words, and 
 finally for a few seconds on my feet. Then 
 I went down like an ox, and Raffles came 
 out of his tent. Their fight lasted twenty 
 minutes, and Raffles was marked, but the 
 net result was dreadfully conventional, for 
 the bully was a bully no more. 
 
 But I began gradually to suspect that 
 he was something worse. All this time we 
 were fighting every day, or so it seems when 
 I look back. Never a great engagement, 
 and yet never a day when we were wholly 
 out of touch with the enemy. I had thus 
 several opportunities of watching the other 
 enemy under fire, and had almost con- 
 vinced myself of the systematic harmless- 
 ness of his own shooting, when a more 
 glaring incident occurred. 
 
 One night three troops of our squadron 
 were ordered to a certain point whither 
 272 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 they had patrolled the previous week ; but 
 our own particular troop was to stay be- 
 hind, and in charge of no other than the 
 villainous corporal, both our officer and 
 sergeant having gone into hospital with 
 enteric. Our detention, however, was very 
 temporary, and Connal would seem to have 
 received the usual vague orders to proceed 
 in the early morning to the place where 
 the other three companies had camped. It 
 appeared that we were to form an escort 
 to two squadron-waggons containing kits, 
 provisions, and ammunition. 
 
 Before daylight Connal had reported his 
 departure to the commanding officer, and 
 we passed the outposts at grey dawn. 
 Now, though I was perhaps the least ob- 
 servant person in the troop, I was not the 
 least wideawake where Corporal Connal 
 was concerned, and it struck me at once 
 that we were heading in the wrong direc- 
 tion. My reasons are not material, but as 
 a matter of fact our last week's patrol had 
 pushed its khaki tentacles both east and 
 west ; and eastward they had met with re- 
 sistance so determined as to compel them 
 273 
 
Raffles 
 
 to retire ; yet it was eastward that we were 
 travelling now. I at once spurred along- 
 side Raffles, as he rode, bronzed and 
 bearded, with warworn wideawake over 
 eyes grown keen as a hawk's, and a cutty- 
 pipe sticking straight out from his front 
 teeth. I can see him now, so gaunt and 
 grim and debonnair, yet already with much 
 of the nonsense gone out of him, though I 
 thought he only smiled on my misgivings. 
 
 " Did he get the instructions, Bunny, or 
 did we? Very well, then; give the devil 
 a chance." 
 
 There was nothing further to be said, 
 but I felt more crushed than convinced; 
 so we jogged along into broad daylight, 
 until Raffles himself gave a whistle of sur- 
 prise. 
 
 " A white flag, Bunny, by all my gods ! " 
 
 I could not see it; he had the longest 
 sight in all our squadron; but in a little 
 the fluttering emblem, which had gained 
 such a sinister significance in most of our 
 eyes, was patent even to mine. A little 
 longer, and the shaggy Boer was in our 
 midst upon his shaggy pony, with a half- 
 274 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 scared, half-incredulous look in his deep- 
 set eyes. He was on his way to our lines 
 with some missive, and had little enough 
 to say to us, though frivolous and flippant 
 questions were showered upon him from 
 most saddles. 
 
 " Any Boers over there ? " asked one, 
 pointing in the direction in which we were 
 still heading. 
 
 " Shut up ! " interjected Raffles in crisp 
 rebuke. 
 
 The Boer looked stolid but sinister. 
 
 " Any of our chaps ? " added another. 
 
 The Boer rode on with an open grin. 
 
 And the incredible conclusion of the 
 matter was that we were actually within 
 their lines in another hour; saw them as 
 large as life within a mile and a half on 
 either side of us; and must every man of 
 us have been taken prisoner had not every 
 man but Connal refused to go one inch 
 further, and had not the Boers themselves 
 obviously suspected some subtle ruse as 
 the only conceivable explanation of so 
 madcap a manoeuvre. They allowed us to 
 retire without firing a shot ; and retire you 
 275 
 
Raffles 
 
 may be sure we did, the Kaffirs flogging 
 their teams in a fury of fear, and our pre- 
 cious corporal sullen but defiant. 
 
 I have said this was the conclusion of the 
 matter, and I blush to repeat that it prac- 
 tically was. Connal was indeed wheeled 
 up before the colonel, but his instructions 
 were not written instructions, and he lied 
 his way out with equal hardihood and tact. 
 
 ** You said ' over there,' sir," he stoutly 
 reiterated; and the vagueness with which 
 such orders were undoubtedly given was 
 the saving of him for the time being. 
 
 I need not tell you how indignant I felt, 
 for one. 
 
 " The fellow is a spy ! " I said to Raffles, 
 with no nursery oath, as we strolled within 
 the lines that night. 
 
 He merely smiled in my face. 
 
 " And have you only just found it out, 
 Bunny? I have known it almost ever 
 since we joined; but this morning I did 
 think we had him on toast." 
 
 " It's disgraceful that we had not," cried 
 I. " He ought to have been shot like a 
 dog." 
 
 276 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 '* Not so loud, Bunny, though I quite 
 agree ; but I don't regret what has hap- 
 pened as much as you do. Not that I am 
 less bloodthirsty than you are in this case, 
 but a good deal more so! Bunny, I'm 
 mad-keen on bowling him out with my 
 own unaided hand — though I may ask you 
 to take the wicket. Meanwhile, don't wear 
 all your animosity upon your sleeve; the 
 fellow has friends who still believe in him ; 
 and there is no need for you to be more 
 openly his enemy than you were before." 
 
 Well, I can only vow that I did my best 
 to follow this sound advice; but who but 
 a Raffles can control his every look? It 
 was never my forte, as you know, yet to this 
 day I cannot conceive what I did to ex- 
 cite the treacherous corporal's suspicions. 
 He was clever enough, however, not to 
 betray them, and lucky enough to turn the 
 tables on us, as you shall hear. 
 
 277 
 
Raffles 
 
 III 
 
 Bloemfontein had fallen since our ar- 
 rival, but there was plenty of fight in the 
 Free Staters still, and I will not deny that 
 it was these gentry who were showing us 
 the sport for which our corps came in. 
 Constant skirmishing was our portion, 
 with now and then an action that you 
 would know at least by name, did I feel 
 free to mention them. But I do not, and 
 indeed it is better so. I have not to de- 
 scribe the war even as I saw it, I am 
 thankful to say, but only the martial story 
 of us two and those others of whom you 
 wot. Corporal Connal was the dangerous 
 blackguard you have seen. Captain Bell- 
 ingham is best known for his position in 
 the batting averages a year or two ago, 
 and for his subsequent failure to obtain a 
 place in any of the five Test Matches. But 
 I only think of him as the officer who rec- 
 ognised Raffles. 
 
 We had taken a village, making quite a 
 little name for it and for ourselves, and in 
 the village our division was reinforced by 
 278 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 a fresh brigade of the Imperial troops. It 
 was a day of rest, our first for weeks, but 
 Raffles and I spent no small part of it in 
 seeking high and low for a worthy means 
 of quenching the kind of thirst which used 
 to beset Yeomen and others who had left 
 good cellars for the veldt. The old knack 
 came back to us both, though I believe that 
 I alone was conscious of it at the time ; and 
 we were leaving the house, splendidly sup- 
 plied, when we almost ran into the arms of 
 an infantry officer, with a scowl upon his 
 red-hot face, and an eye-glass flaming at 
 us in the sun. 
 
 " Peter Bellingham ! " gasped Raffles un- 
 der his breath, and then we saluted and 
 tried to pass on, with the bottles ringing 
 like church-bells under our khaki. But 
 Captain Bellingham was a hard man. 
 
 " What have you men been doin' ? " 
 drawled he. 
 
 " Nothing, sir," we protested, like inno- 
 cence with an injury. 
 
 " Lootin' 's forbidden," said he. " You 
 had better let me see those bottles." 
 
 " We are done," whispered Raffles, and 
 279 
 
Raffles 
 
 straightway we made a sideboard of the 
 stoop across which he had crept at so 
 inopportune a moment. I had not the heart 
 to raise my eyes again, yet it was many mo- 
 ments before the officer broke silence. 
 
 " UamVar! " he murmured reverentially 
 at last. " And Long John of Ben Nevis ! 
 The first drop that's been discovered in the 
 whole psalm-singing show! What lot do 
 you two belong to ? " 
 
 I answered. 
 
 " I must have your names." 
 
 In my agitation I gave my real one. Raf- 
 fles had turned away, as though in heart- 
 broken contemplation of our lost loot. I 
 saw the officer studying his half-profile with 
 an alarming face. 
 
 " What's your name ? " he rapped out at 
 last. 
 
 But his strange low voice said plainly 
 that he knew, and Raffies faced him with 
 the monosyllable of confession and assent. 
 I did not count the seconds until the next 
 word, but it was Captain Bellingham who 
 uttered it at last. 
 
 " I thought you were dead," 
 280 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 " Now you see I am not." 
 " But you are at your old games ! " 
 " I am not," cried Raffles, and his tone 
 was new to me. I have seldom heard one 
 more indignant. "Yes," he continued, 
 " this is loot, and the wrong 'un will out. 
 That's what you're thinking, Peter— I beg 
 your pardon — sir. But he isn't let out in 
 the field ! We're playing the game as much 
 as you are, old — sir." 
 
 The plural number caused the captain to 
 toss me a contemptuous look. " Is this the 
 fellah who was taken when you swam for 
 it?" he inquired, relapsing into his drawl. 
 Raffles said I was, and with that took a pas- 
 sionate oath upon our absolute rectitude as 
 volunteers. There could be no doubting 
 him ; but the officer's eyes went back at the 
 bottles on the stoop. 
 
 " But look at those," said he ; and as he 
 looked himself the light eye melted in his 
 fiery face. " And I've got Sparklets in my 
 tent," he sighed. " You make it in a 
 minute ! " 
 
 Not a word from Raffles, and none, you 
 may be sure, from me. Then suddenly 
 281 
 
Raffles 
 
 Bellingham told me where his tent was, and, 
 adding that our case was one for serious 
 consideration, strode in its direction with- 
 out another word until some sunlit paces 
 separated us. 
 
 " You can bring that stuff with you," he 
 then flung over a shoulder-strap, " and I 
 advise you to put it where you had it 
 before." 
 
 A trooper saluted him some yards further 
 on, and looked evilly at us as we followed 
 with our loot. It was Corporal Connal of 
 ours, and the thought of him takes my mind 
 off the certainly gallant captain who only 
 that day had joined our division with the 
 reinforcements. I could not stand the man 
 myself. He added soda-water to our 
 whisky in his tent, and would only keep a 
 couple of bottles when we came away. 
 Softened by the spirit, to which disuse made 
 us all a little sensitive, our officer was soon 
 convinced of the honest part that we were 
 playing for once, and for fifty minutes of 
 the hour we spent with him he and Raffles 
 talked cricket without a break. On parting 
 they even shook hands ; that was Long John 
 282 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 in the captain's head ; but the snob never 
 addressed a syllable to me. 
 
 And now to the gallows-bird who was 
 still corporal of our troop : it was not long" 
 before Raffles was to have his wish and 
 the traitor's wicket. We had resumed our 
 advance, or rather our humble part in the 
 great surrounding movement then taking 
 place, and were under pretty heavy fire 
 once more, when Connal was shot in the 
 hand. It was a curious casualty in more 
 than one respect, and nobody seems to 
 have seen it happen. Though a flesh- 
 v/ound, it was a bloody one, and that may 
 be why the surgeon did not at once detect 
 those features which afterwards convinced 
 him that the injury had been self-inflicted. 
 It was the right hand, and until it healed 
 the man could be of no further use in 
 the firing line; nor was the case serious 
 enough for admission to a crowded field- 
 hospital; and Connal himself offered his 
 services as custodian of a number of our 
 horses which we were keeping out of 
 harm's way in a donga. They had come 
 there in the following manner. That morn- 
 283 
 
Raffles 
 
 ing we had been heliographed to reinforce 
 the C.M.R., only to find that the enemy 
 had the range to a nicety when we reached 
 the spot. There were trenches for us, men, 
 but no place of safety for our horses nearer 
 than this long and narrow donga which 
 ran from within our lines towards those of 
 the Boers. So some of us galloped them 
 thither, six in-hand, amid the whine of 
 shrapnel and the whistle of shot. I re- 
 member the man next me being killed by 
 a shell with all his team, and the tangle of 
 flying harness, torn horseflesh, and crim- 
 son khaki, that we left behind us on the 
 veldt ; also that a small red flag, ludi- 
 crously Hke those used to indicate a put- 
 ting-green, marked the single sloping en- 
 trance to the otherwise precipitous donga, 
 which I for one was duly thankful to reach 
 alive. 
 
 The same evening Connal, with a few 
 other light casualties to assist him, took 
 over the charge for which he had volun- 
 teered and for which he was so admirably 
 fitted by his knowledge of horses and his 
 general experience of the country; never- 
 284 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 theless, he managed to lose three or four 
 fine chargers in the course of the first 
 night ; and, early in the second, Raffles 
 shook me out of a heavy slumber in the 
 trenches where we had been firing all day. 
 
 " I have found the spot. Bunny," he 
 whispered ; " we ought to out him before 
 the night is over." 
 
 "Connal?" 
 
 Raffles nodded. 
 
 " You know what happened to some of 
 his horses last night? Well, he let them 
 go himself." 
 
 "Never!" 
 
 " Vm as certain of it," said Raffles, " as 
 though I'd seen him do it; and if he does 
 it again I shall see him. I can even tell 
 you how it happened. Connal insisted on 
 having one end of the donga to himself, 
 and of course his end is the one nearest 
 the Boers. Well, then, he tells the other 
 fellows to go to sleep at their end — I have 
 it direct from one of them — and you bet 
 they don't need a second invitation. The 
 rc^t I hope to see to-night." 
 
 ** It seems almost incredible," said I. 
 285 
 
Raffles 
 
 " Not more so than the Light Horse- 
 man's dodge of poisoning the troughs ; that 
 happened at Ladysmith before Christmas; 
 and two kind friends did for that blackguard 
 what you and I are going to do for this one, 
 and a firing-party did the rest. Brutes ! A 
 mounted man's worth a file on foot in this 
 country, and well they know it. But this 
 beauty goes one better than the poison; 
 that was wilful waste ; but I'll eat my wide- 
 awake if our loss last night wasn't the 
 enemy's double gain ! What we've got to 
 do, Bunny, is to catch him in the act. It 
 may mean watching him all night, but was 
 ever game so well worth the candle ? " 
 
 One may say in passing that, at this par- 
 ticular point of contact, the enemy were 
 in superior force, and for once in a mood 
 as aggressive as our own. They were 
 led with a dash, and handled with a skill, 
 which did not always characterise their 
 commanders at this stage of the war. Their 
 position was very similar to ours, and in- 
 deed we were to spend the whole of next 
 day in trying with an equal will to turn 
 each other out. The result will scarcely 
 286 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 be forgotten by those who recognise the 
 occasion from these remarks. Meanwhile 
 it was the eve of battle (most evenings 
 were), and there was that villain with the 
 horses in the donga, and here were we two 
 upon his track. 
 
 Raffles's plan was to reconnoitre the 
 place, and then take up a position from 
 which we could watch our man and pounce 
 upon him if he gave us cause. The spot 
 that we eventually chose and stealthily oc- 
 cupied was behind some bushes through 
 which we could see down into the donga; 
 there were the precious horses ; and there 
 sure enough was our wounded corporal, 
 sitting smoking in his cloak, some glim- 
 mering thing in his lap. 
 
 " That's his revolver, and it's a Mauser/* 
 whispered Raffles. " He shan't have a 
 chance of using it on us ; either we must be 
 on him before he knows we are anywhere 
 near, or simply report. It's easily proved 
 once we are sure ; but I should like to have 
 the taking of him too." 
 
 There was a setting moon. Shadows 
 were sharp and black. The man smoked 
 287 
 
Raffles 
 
 steadily, and the hungry horses did what 
 I never saw horses do before ; they stood 
 and nibbled at each other's tails. I was 
 used to sleeping in the open, under the 
 jewelled dome that seems so much vaster 
 and grander in these wide spaces of the 
 earth. I lay listening to the horses, and to 
 the myriad small strange voices of the 
 veldt, to which I cannot even now put a 
 name, while Raffles watched. " One head 
 is better than two," he said, " when you 
 don't want it to be seen." We were to 
 take watch and watch about, however, and 
 the other might sleep if he could ; it was not 
 my fault that I did nothing else ; it was 
 Raffles who could trust nobody but himself. 
 Nor was there any time for recriminations 
 when he did rouse me in the end. 
 
 But a moment ago, as it seemed to me, I 
 had been gazing upward at the stars and 
 listening to the dear minute sounds of 
 peace ; and in another the great grey slate 
 was clean, and every bone of me set in 
 plaster of Paris, and sniping beginning be- 
 tween pickets with the day. It was an 
 occasional crack, not a constant crackle. 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 but the whistle of a bullet as it passed us 
 by, or a tiny transitory flame for the one 
 bit of detail on a blue hill-side, was an 
 unpleasant warning that we two on ours 
 were a target in ourselves. But Raffles paid 
 no attention to their fire; he was pointing 
 downward through the bushes to where 
 Corporal Connal stood with his back to us, 
 shooing a last charger out of the mouth 
 of the donga towards the Boer trenches. 
 
 " That's his third," whispered Raflies, 
 " but it's the first I've seen distinctly, for 
 he waited for the blind spot before the 
 dawn. It's enough to land him, I fancy, 
 but we mustn't lose time. Are you ready 
 for a creep ? " 
 
 I stretched myself, and said I was ; but I 
 devoutly wished it was not quite so early 
 in the morning. 
 
 " Like cats, then, till he hears, and then 
 into him for all we're worth. He's stowed 
 his iron safe away, but he mustn't have time 
 even to feel for it. You take his left arm, 
 Bunny, and hang on to that like a ferret, 
 and I'll do the rest. Ready ? Then now ! " 
 
 And in less time than it would take to 
 289 
 
Raffles 
 
 tell, we were over the lip of the donga 
 and had fallen upon the fellow before he 
 could turn his head ; nevertheless, for a few 
 instants he fought like a wild beast, strik- 
 ing, kicking, and swinging me off my feet 
 as I obeyed my instructions to the letter, 
 and stuck to his left Hke a leech. But he 
 soon gave that up, and, panting and 
 blaspheming, demanded explanations in his 
 hybrid tongue that had half a brogue and 
 half a burr. What were we doing? What 
 had he done? Raffles at his back, with his 
 right wrist twisted round and pinned into 
 the small of it, soon told him that, and I 
 think the words must have been the first 
 intimation that he had as to who his assail- 
 ants were. 
 
 " So it's you two ! " he cried, and a Hght 
 broke over him. He was no longer try- 
 ing to shake us off, and now he dropped 
 his curses also, and stood chuckling to him- 
 self instead. " Well," he went on, " you're 
 bloody liars both, but I know something 
 else that you are, so you'd better let go." 
 
 A coldness ran through me, and I never 
 saw Raffles so taken aback. His grip must 
 290 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 have relaxed for a fraction of time, for our 
 captive broke out in a fresh and desperate 
 struggle, but now we pinned him tighter 
 than ever, and soon I saw him turning 
 green and yellow with the pain. 
 
 " You're breaking my wrist ! " he yelled 
 at last. 
 
 " Then stand still and tell us who we are." 
 
 And he stood still and told us our real 
 names. But Raffles insisted on hearing 
 how he had found us out, and smiled as 
 though he had known what was coming 
 when it came. I was dumfoundered. The 
 accursed hound had followed us that even- 
 ing to Captain Bellingham's tent, and his 
 undoubted cleverness in his own profession 
 of spy had done the rest. 
 
 " And now you'd better let me go," said 
 the master of the situation, as I for one 
 could not help regarding him. 
 
 " I'll see you damned," said Raffles, 
 savagely. 
 
 " Then you're damned and done for 
 
 yourself, my cocky criminal. Raffles the 
 
 burglar! Raffles the society thief! Not 
 
 dead after all, but 'live and 'listed! Send 
 
 291 
 
Raffles 
 
 him home and give him fourteen years, and 
 won't he Hke 'em, that's all ! " 
 
 " I shall have the pleasure of hearing you 
 shot first," retorted Raffles, through his 
 teeth, " and that alone will make them 
 bearable. Come on. Bunny, let's drive the 
 swine along and get it over." 
 
 And drive him we did, he cursing, cajol- 
 ing, struggling, gloating, and blubbering by 
 turns. But Raffles never wavered for an 
 instant, though his face was tragic, and it 
 went to my heart, where that look stays 
 still. I remember at the time, though I 
 never let my hold relax, there was a moment 
 when I added my entreaties to those of our 
 prisoner. Raffles did not even reply to me. 
 But I was thinking of him, I swear. I was 
 thinking of that grey set face that I never 
 saw before or after. 
 
 " Your story will be tested," said the 
 commanding officer, when Connal had been 
 marched to the gnard-tent. " Is there any 
 truth in his ? " 
 
 " It is perfectly true, sir.'* 
 
 " And the notorious Raffles has been alive 
 all these years, and you are really he ? " 
 292 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 " I am, sir." 
 
 " And what are you doing at the front ? " 
 
 Somehow I thought that Raffles was go- 
 ing to smile, but the grim set of his mouth 
 never altered, neither was there any change 
 in the ashy pallor which had come over him 
 in the donga when Connal mouthed his 
 name. It was only his eyes that lighted up 
 at the last question. 
 
 " I am fighting, sir," said he, as simply 
 as any subaltern in the army. 
 
 The commanding officer inclined a griz- 
 zled head perceptibly, and no more. He 
 was not one of any school, our General ; he 
 had his own ways, and we loved both him 
 and them ; and I believe that he loved the 
 rough but gallant corps that bore his name. 
 He once told us that he knew something 
 about most of us, and there were things 
 that Raffles had done of which he must 
 have heard. But he only moved his griz- 
 zled head. 
 
 *' Did you know he was going to give you 
 away? " he asked at length, with a jerk of 
 it toward the guard-tent. 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 293 
 
Raffles 
 
 "But you thought it worth while, did 
 you ? " 
 
 " I thought it necessary, sir." 
 
 The General paused, drumming on his 
 table, making up his mind. Then his chin 
 came up with the decision that we loved in 
 him. 
 
 " I shall sift all this," said he. " An offi- 
 cer's name was mentioned, and I shall see 
 him myself. Meanwhile you had better go 
 on — fighting." 
 
 IV 
 
 Corporal Connal paid the penalty of 
 his crime before the sun was far above the 
 hill held by the enemy. There was abun- 
 dance of circumstantial evidence against 
 him, besides the direct testimony of Raf- 
 fles and myself, and the wretch was shot 
 at last with little ceremony and less shrift. 
 And that was the one good thing that hap- 
 pened on the day that broke upon us 
 hiding behind the bushes overlooking the 
 donga ; by noon it was my own turn. 
 
 I have avoided speaking of my wound 
 294 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 before I need, and from the preceding pages 
 you would not gather that I am more or 
 less lame for life. You will soon see now 
 why I was in no hurry to recall the incident. 
 I used to think of a wound received in one's 
 country's service as the proudest trophy a 
 man could acquire. But the sight of mine 
 depresses me every morning of my life; it 
 was due for one thing to my own slow eye 
 for cover, in taking which (to aggravate 
 my case) our hardy little corps happened 
 to excel. 
 
 The bullet went clean through my thigh, 
 drilling the bone, but happily missing the 
 sciatic nerve; thus the mere pain was less 
 than it might have been, but of course I 
 went over in a light brown heap. We were 
 advancing on our stomachs to take the hill, 
 and thus extend our position, and it was at 
 this point that the fire became too heavy 
 for us, so that for hours (in the event) we 
 moved neither forward nor back. But it 
 was not a minute before Raffles came to me 
 through the whistling scud, and in another 
 I was on my back behind a shallow rock, 
 with him kneeling over me and unrolling 
 295 
 
Raffles 
 
 my bandage in the teeth of that murderous 
 fire. It was on the knees of the gods, he 
 said, when I begged him to bend lower, but 
 for the moment I thought his tone as 
 changed as his face had been earlier in the 
 morning. To oblige me, however, he took 
 more care ; and, when he had done all that 
 one comrade could for another, he did avail 
 himself of the cover he had found for me. 
 So there we lay together on the veldt, under 
 blinding sun and withering fire, and I sup- 
 pose it is the veldt that I should describe, 
 as it swims and flickers before wounded 
 eyes. I shut mine to bring it back, but all 
 that comes is the keen brown face of Raf- 
 fles, still a shade paler than its wont ; now 
 bending to sight and fire ; now peering to 
 see results, brows raised, eyes widened ; 
 anon turning to me with the word to set 
 my tight lips grinning. He was talking all 
 the time, but for my sake, and I knew it. 
 Can you wonder that I could not see an 
 inch beyond him ? He was the battle to me 
 then ; he is the whole war to me as I look 
 back now. 
 
 ** Feel equal to a cigarette ? It will buck 
 296 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 you up, Bunny. No, that one in the silver 
 paper, I've hoarded it for this. Here's a 
 light; and so Bunny takes the Sullivan! 
 All honour to the sporting rabbit ! " 
 
 " At least I went over like one," said I, 
 sending the only clouds into the blue, and 
 chiefly wishing for their longer endurance. 
 I was as hot as a cinder from my head to 
 one foot ; the other leg was ceasing to be- 
 long to me. 
 
 " Wait a bit," says Raffles, puckering ; 
 " there's a grey felt hat at deep long-on, 
 and I want to add it to the bag for ven- 
 geance. . . . Wait — yes — no, no luck! 
 I must pitch 'em up a bit more. Hallo! 
 magazine empty. How goes the Sullivan, 
 Bunny? Rum to be smoking one on the 
 veldt with a hole in your leg ! " 
 
 " It's doing me good," I said, and I be- 
 lieve it was. But Raffles lay looking at me 
 as he lightened his bandolier. 
 
 " Do you remember," he said softly, 
 " the day we first began to think about the 
 war? I can see that pink misty river light, 
 and feel the first bite there was in the air 
 when one stood about ; don't you wish we 
 297 
 
Raffles 
 
 had either here ! ' Orful slorter, orful 
 slorter ; ' that fellow's face, I see it too ; and 
 here we have the thing he cried. Can you 
 believe it's only six months ago ? " 
 
 " Yes," I sighed, enjoying the thought of 
 that afternoon less than he did ; " yes, we 
 were slow to catch fire at first.'* 
 
 *' Too slow," he said quickly. 
 
 " But when we did catch," I went on, 
 wishing we never had, " we soon burnt up." 
 
 " And then went out," laughed RafBes 
 gayly. He was loaded up again. " Another 
 over at the grey felt hat," said he ; " by 
 Jove, though, I believe he's having an ovef 
 at me ! " 
 
 " I wish you'd be careful," I urged. " 1 
 heard it too." 
 
 " My dear Bunny, it's on the knees you 
 wot of. If anything's down in the specifi- 
 cations surely that is. Besides — that was 
 nearer ! " 
 
 "To you?" 
 
 " No, to him. Poor devil, he has his 
 
 specifications too; it's comforting to think 
 
 that. ... I can't see where that one 
 
 pitched ; it may have been a wide ; and it's 
 
 298 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 very nearly the end of the over again. Feel- 
 ing worse, Bunny ? " 
 
 " No, I've only closed my eyes. Go on 
 talking." 
 
 " It was I who let you in for this," he 
 said, at his bandolier again. 
 
 " No, I'm glad I came out." 
 
 And I believe I still was, in a way ; for it 
 was rather fine to be wounded, just then, 
 with the pain growing less ; but the sensa- 
 tion was not to last me many minutes, and 
 I can truthfully say that I have never felt 
 it since. 
 
 " Ah, but you haven't had such a good 
 time as I have ! " 
 
 " Perhaps not." 
 
 Had his voice vibrated, or had I imag- 
 ined it ? Pain-waves and loss of blood were 
 playing tricks with my senses ; now they 
 were quite dull, and my leg alive and throb- 
 bing ; now I had no leg at all, but more than 
 all my ordinary senses in every other part 
 of me. And the devil's orchestra was play- 
 ing all the time, and all around me, on 
 every class of fiendish instrument, which 
 you have been made to hear for yourselves 
 299 
 
Raffles 
 
 in every newspaper. Yet all that I heard 
 was Raffles talking. 
 
 " I have had a good time, Bunny." 
 
 Yes, his voice was sad; but that was 
 all; the vibration must have been in me. 
 
 " I know you have, old chap," said I. 
 
 " I am grateful to the General for giving 
 me to-day. It may be the last. Then I 
 can only say it's been the best — by Jove ! " 
 
 "What is it?" 
 
 And I opened my eyes. His were shining. 
 I can see them now. 
 
 " Got him — got the hat ! No, Fm hanged 
 if I have; at least he wasn't in it. The 
 crafty cuss, he must have stuck it up on 
 purpose. Another over . . . scoring's 
 slow. ... I wonder if he's sportsman 
 enough to take a hint? His hat-trick's 
 foolish. Will he show his face if I show 
 mine? " 
 
 I lay with closed ears and eyes. My leg 
 had come to life again, and the rest of me 
 was numb. 
 
 "Bunny!" 
 
 His voice sounded higher. He must 
 have been sitting upright. 
 300 
 
The Knees of the Gods 
 
 "Well?" 
 
 But it was not well with me ; that was all 
 I thought as my lips made the word. 
 
 " It's not only been the best time I ever 
 had, old Bunny, but Vm not half sure- " 
 
 Of what I can but guess; the sentence 
 was not finished, and never could be in 
 this world. 
 
 THE END 
 
 301 
 
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