PS 
 
 BVRGCi 
 
THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 DAVIS 
 

BURCEJ JOHNSON 
 
 PICTURES TO CORRE.SPOND 
 
 PIIBIISNERI 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERS11Y OF CALIFORNIA 
 
COPYRIGHT, 1906, 
 BY THOMAS Y. CROWELL & Co. 
 
 Published, October, IQ36. 
 
TO THE 
 
 LLAMAS, VICUNAS, PUMAS, TAPIRS, GUANACOS, 
 ARMADILLOS, CHINCHILLAS, PULGUITAS, FRI- 
 JOLES, AND OTHER GAME-BIRDS OF BOLIVIA, 
 ABOUT TO BE HUNTED, THIS LITTLE BOOK IS 
 SYMPATHETICALLY AND ENCOURAGINGLY DED 
 ICATED BY THE HUNTER'S DEVOTED BROTHER 
 
FORE WORD 
 
 The aim of this little book is rather the instruction of 
 Youth than the edification of Age. With that intent, all 
 statements herein which concern the habits of our animal 
 friends have been referred to Mr. Hornaday, director of 
 the Bronx Park Zoo, Mr. John Burroughs, Mr. C. G. D. 
 Roberts, and Mr. Jack London. These gentlemen admit the 
 accuracy of certain facts presented, and their ignorance of 
 others. 
 
 It was the author s earnest desire to secure the assist 
 ance of some artist of peculiar intelligence, whose sympa 
 thetic knowledge of animal life, like that of Mr. Ernest 
 Thompson-Seton, would enable him to see deeper than mere 
 outward habit, and interpret the soul. Such a one was 
 found in Mr. Blaisdell, who has perpetrated all of tJie 
 illustrations for this book, except the one on page 72 ; that 
 was a spontaneous conception of the author* 
 
 Grateful acknowledgments are due Messrs. Harper & 
 Bros, for permission to use much of tJie material which 
 appears here. 
 
 The Author. 
 
INTRODUCTION BY GELETT BURGESS. .... .... 7 
 
 RECOLLECTIONS .' . . . . 9 
 
 CONCERNING THE SLOWNESS OF THE SLOTH 13 
 
 A LOVE MATCH . 16 
 
 THE GLAD YOUNG CHAMOIS 18 
 
 THE APTERYX (BEAST) 20 
 
 A TALE WITH A MORAL 22 
 
 To A PIG ......... 24 
 
 THE PLAINT OF THE ANONYMOUS ONE ........ 26 
 
 THE FIRESIDE ELEPHANT . . .28 
 
 THE OSTRICH . ... . . . . , 30 
 
 THE GNU WOOING . 32 
 
 A RONDEAU OF REMORSE . 34 
 
 REMARKS FROM THE PUP . 36 
 
 ALACK, A YAK . -^ . /. ..^-.--r- ......... 38 
 
 THE TAIL OF THE KINKAJU . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 
 
 THE A-OU-DAD . . ' r . . r . . . . . . . . .42 
 
 THE O-K-A-P-I ..... . ... . . . . . .44 
 
 BALLADE TO A LARGE OYSTER . !. ' . . . . . . .46 
 
 5 
 
PAGE 
 
 THE FIRST HONEYMOON . . . . . . 48 
 
 BEAR STORIES .... . . . > ' . . . . . . 50 
 
 WOOD Music . . . . . . , . . . . . . . 52 
 
 THE WOOIN' . . ".'. -. . '. . .... . .54 
 
 THE AMBITIOUS CROW . . . _. .... . . . . 55 
 
 THE PELICAN. . . . . . . , . . . . . .;". . 58 
 
 IN THE CIRCUS DRESSING-ROOM . , . ... ..... 59 
 
 THE OWL ON ECONOMY . . .- . . -, .... . . 60 
 
 THE CAT OF MANY LIVES . . . . . .... . . . 61 
 
 IN THE HORSPITAL . . . . . . . . , . , . . 62 
 
 THE PORCUPINE - , . . .. . . . 63 
 
 THE WOODCHUCK . . .... . . 64 
 
 THE RABBIT ........... . . . . 65 
 
 THE GOAT . . . .... .66 
 
 THE DUEL . . . . 67 
 
 HORSE DREAMS ...... . ,68 
 
 THE Fox . . . . ... . . . 69 
 
 THE GARGOYLE . . . .,,-*:'. .... . . . . .70 
 
 THE FLEA . ... ... . .72 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 SAID the Kinkajou to the mournful Gnu, 
 
 " Now, isn't it really sad, 
 The way B. J., in his beastly way, 
 
 Has guyed the old A-ou-dad!" 
 And the Gnu replied, as he softly sighed, 
 
 "We must all be guyed, alack! 
 But me for the wilds, when I see this child's 
 
 Epitome of the Yak!" 
 
 And the Oyster said, " It makes me squirm 
 When I think of his lines on the Early Worm!" 
 
 GELETT BURGESS. 
 
PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR. 
 
 (BY THE ARTIST.) 
 
 PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST. 
 
 (BY THE AUTHOR.) 
 
RECOLLECTIONS 
 
 IN the days of braggart youth (though, as now, I spoke the 
 
 truth) 
 Of full appreciation oft I dreamt ; 
 
 Now I'm old, my deeds are more than the sands upon the shore, 
 Yet I've learned to treat all sceptics with contempt- 
 Exempt 
 Am I from all emotion save contempt. 
 
 Wild beasts of every sort I have hunted down for sport, 
 
 From Vlwostowck to the land of the Pooguls ; 
 And those I did not kill I have led around at will, 
 
 For I have a winning way with animuls 
 
 Which lulls 
 
 The passions of the wildest animuls. 
 
 9 
 
As a youth I had a rub with a yellow bobtailed Blub 
 
 I was hunting- in the woods of Whangaree. 
 He was ten-foot-seven high, but I smote him in the eye, 
 
 Then, not knowing he was dead, went up a tree 
 
 Ah me ! 
 
 I was young and ran for refuge up a tree ! 
 
 How one's recollections pour through the past's half-opened 
 
 door ! 
 Twas about that time I roamed the Rumpic Zone, 
 
And I fought an angry Swot in a lonely desert spot, 
 And I skinned him single-handed and alone 
 Ochone ! 
 I have had my greatest triumphs when alone ! 
 
 Yes, I remember once how I killed a young Ger-unce, 
 
 And its parents galloped up with blazing breath. 
 Though their pinions beat like flails, yet I tied their giant tails ? 
 
 Then I waited till they 
 pulled themselves to 
 death. 
 I gueth 
 
 You seldom see a more 
 exciting death ! 
 
But I spent my proudest day on the shores of Doodel Bay ; 
 There I slew a huge Pohunk, ere I was dressed, 
 
 With two Whoopees and a bunch of wild Flop-cats before 
 
 lunch- 
 Then I gave the afternoon to needed rest : 
 'Twas best 
 To leave the smaller game-birds to the rest. 
 
 But 'twas near that very shore that a million (maybe more !) 
 
 Wild cannibals my prowess overcame ; 
 And upon the Isle of Ghoo I was made into a stew : 
 
 'Tis the one disgrace attaching to my name ; 
 
 With shame 
 
 I admit this single blemish on my name. 
 
CONCERNING THE SLOWNESS OF THE SLOTH 
 
 MY child, how doth 
 The gentle Sloth 
 
 Improve each hour where'er he go'th ? 
 'Tis true that he, 
 Unlike the Bee, 
 Seeks not for honey ceaselessly. 
 13 
 
He's not inclined 
 
 To slave, I find, 
 
 For others, like the faithful hind ; 
 
 Nor as the ant 
 
 To toil and pant 
 
 He either won't or else he can't. 
 
 Yet there are chaps 
 
 Like him, perhaps, 
 
 Crushed down 'neath heavy handicaps, 
 
 And 'tis our place 
 
 The facts to face 
 
 And honestly to view his case. 
 
 Where'er he goes, 
 
 He always knows 
 
 He has no full supply of toes; 
 
 That's \vhy he's not 
 
 Inclined to trot, 
 
 Lest he should harm the few he's got. 
 
 The very crown 
 Of his renown 
 
 Is walking branches upside down. 
 It is a ruse 
 That don't conduce 
 To hurry. Also, what's the use? 
 14 
 
And if you'll look 
 
 In any book 
 
 You'll find him, if I'm not mistook, 
 
 Entitled thus : 
 
 Didactylus, 
 
 Or A-i Arctopithicus. 
 
 That name, I guess, 
 
 You will confess, 
 
 Would render you ambitionless ! 
 
 So, goodness knowth, 
 
 That's why I'm loath 
 
 To cast aspersion on the Sloth. 
 
A LOVE MATCH 
 
 TWAS at the races that they met ; the Jungle A. A. U. 
 
 Had opened an athletic field upon the Upper Nile. 
 Beneath her frank, admiring gaze he strove the best he knew, 
 
 And won a two-mile handicap against the crocodile. 
 It was a contest fine to see ! The crowd grew boisterous 
 And madly shouted, "Hip, hip, hip, hip, Hipp opotamus ! " 
 
 16 
 
Though Miss Rhinoceros's beaux referred to him with scorn, 
 'Twas plain she'd eyes for no one else. "That brow! 
 
 Those manly feet ! " 
 
 " I'm glad he won ! " she cried again, and tooted on her horn 
 And so her friend Miss Lioness contrived to have them 
 
 meet. 
 ''Such graceful embonpoint!" he sighed, his hand upon his 
 
 heart. 
 'Twas clear to all who stood about he loved her from the start. 
 
 The Jungle felt no great surprise when soon their cards were 
 out. 
 
 The wedding was a fine affair, the sourest critics grant ; 
 Though Dean Giraffe is Higher Church, there's very little doubt 
 
 That all were better satisfied with Bishop L. E. Phant. 
 
 And now, if Heaven 
 send them twins, 'twill 
 save a lot of fuss 
 
 To name them Hippo- 
 roceros and Rhinopo- 
 tamus. 
 
THE GLAD YOUNG CHAMOIS 
 
 How lightly leaps the youthful chamois 
 From rock to rock and never misses ! 
 
 I always get all cold and clamois 
 
 When near the edge of precipisses. 
 
 Confronted by some yawning chasm, 
 
 He bleats not for his sire or mamois 
 
 (That is, supposing that he has'm), 
 
 But yawns himself the bold young lamois ! 
 
 18 
 
He is a thing of beauty always ; 
 
 And when he dies, a gray old ramois, 
 Leaves us his horns to deck our hallways ; 
 
 His skin cleans teaspoons, soiled or jamois. 
 
 I shouldn't like to be a chamois, 
 
 However much I am his debtor. 
 
 I hate to run and jump ; why, damois, 
 'Most any job would suit me bebtor ! 
 
THE APTERYX 
 
 (BEAST) 
 
 HAVE you heard of the truly terrible fix 
 Of the miscellaneous Apteryx ? 
 It sits and mourns, in a voice forlorn : 
 " Oh, what and why was I ever born ? " 
 (But an answering word it ne'er has heard) 
 " Oh, am I a beast or am I a bird ? 
 The worst of tricks 'twas thus to mix 
 The family tree of the Apteryx ! 
 
 " At times, in spite of my wingless state, 
 
 I claim I'm an avis vertebrate ; 
 
 And I prove my point on weightiest grounds 
 
 By laying an egg of several pounds. 
 
 But the birds all say who chance that way, 
 
 * For a beast, that's a most remarkable lay ! ' 
 
 And each one kicks when asked to mix 
 
 In a social way with the Apteryx. 
 
" Ah me ! What manner of thing am I ? 
 Though I've hairy hide and I cannot fly, 
 When beasts in a cousinly way I greet, 
 They spot my bill and my birdlike feet. 
 
 Dear, kind artiste, this time at least 
 Beneath my portrait write * A Beast ' ; 
 And if it sticks, and no one kicks, 
 You'll earn the love of the Apteryx." 
 
MORAL 
 
 TWAS a gloomy glade 'mid the lowering shade 
 
 Of a forest dank and dark ; 
 And every decent creature slept, 
 For the gray of dawn had scarcely crept 
 
 O'er the morning sky. But hark ! 
 Amid the silence there may be heard 
 The drowsy chirp of the Early Bird. 
 
 To the ground he flits, where he lightly sits, 
 Then hops with a movement gay. 
 
 " Cheep-cheep, te-whit !" and he flaps his wings; 
 
 " Oh, I am the Early Bird," he sings, 
 And also " Tu-lu-ra-lay ! " 
 
 But though he carols it through and through, 
 
 His joyful warble does not ring true ! 
 
Lo, a twig that lies beneath his eyes 
 Of a sudden appears to squirm ! 
 And there comes from under his very feet 
 A faint fine sound that I can't repeat 
 
 The voice of the Early Worm ! 
 And the glade is stiller than still can be 
 At thought of the coming tragedy. 
 
 " It is up to me," sobbed the Worm, " to flee, 
 Were I not such a sleepy thing." 
 
 But the Bird was wabbly on his feet ; 
 
 " I'm far too drowsy," he sighed, "to eat!" 
 And his head fell under his wing. 
 
 And, sweetly mingled, there soon were heard 
 
 The snores of the Worm and the Early Bird. 
 
TO A PIG 
 
 BARDS and sages, through the ages 
 (Winning fame instead of wages), 
 Have mussed up a million pages 
 
 With their outcries, small and big, 
 Singing wrongs that should be righted, 
 Causes blighted, heroes slighted 
 Yet no song have they indited 
 To the Pig. 
 
 Gentle Porcus, suoid mammal, 
 
 Does the thought that lard and ham'll 
 
 Be your future never trammel 
 
 Your fond fancies as you dig ? 
 Does it harrow to the marrow, 
 As you pace your quarters narrow, 
 Dreaming of the stoned glory 
 Of the Pig? 
 24 
 
For time was, ere man got at you v 
 Using squalid means to fat you, 
 That you were to be congratu- 
 
 Lated on a figure trig ; 
 And most daintily you ate your 
 Food, less mingled in its nature ; 
 Fine of face, full fair and graceful 
 Was the Pig. 
 
 Oh, S. P. C. A., be gracious ; 
 If your sympathies be spacious, 
 Bar such treatment contumacious 
 
 Teach that it is infra dig. ; 
 For although some genius flighty 
 Has described the pen as mighty, 
 You'll admit a sward were fitter 
 For the Pig. 
 
THE PLAINT OF THE ANONYMOUS ONE 
 
 I WANDER vainly o'er the land 
 
 To find one mortal with a chunk 
 
 Of fairness that will bid him stand 
 And hear the pleadings of 
 
 I shrunk 
 
 E'en then from uttering a word 
 
 In drawing-rooms so seldom heard ! 
 
 Ah, what avails me beauty, wit, 
 
 Or craft, or marksmanship, or spunk, 
 
 If friendship fails and scorns to sit 
 In sweet communion with 
 
 I've drunk 
 
 Some drug, I fear, for now I find 
 
 My very name has slipped my mind ! 
 
 I never use my meanest gift 
 
 Unjustified, yet like a monk 
 Through shunned solitudes I drift, 
 
 Unloved, unsought, and named 
 
 I've sunk 
 
 26 
 
To such a depth I do not dare 
 
 To breathe the honest name I bear. 
 
 I never win a word of praise 
 
 For all my charms, yet I have thunk 
 And thunk and thunk of different ways 
 
 To cleanse the scutcheon of 
 
 I funk 
 
 Each time I try ! Would I could learn 
 To face a shame I did not earn ! 
 
 If I were called a Bobolink, 
 
 A Rose, or Peewee, or Pohunk, 
 
 I'd gain a social place, I think, 
 That's now forbidden to 
 
 I've slunk 
 
 So often from the world's neglect, 
 
 I'm losing fast my self-respect ! 
 
AH me, how frequently I pant 
 
 To be a stately Elephant ! 
 
 With skin so thick and strength so great, 
 
 He scorns the puny pricks of fate, 
 
 The while his shoulders well may bear 
 
 A really untold weight of care. 
 
 Ah, were I he, I will aver, 
 
 I'd be a model householder ! 
 
 Tis possible, I grant you, that 
 He is not suited to a flat ; 
 Yet you'll admit at once that he 
 Is builded for economy. 
 
 He need not stoop to pick things up ; 
 
 He needs no valet, cook, nor maid ; 
 His hand is spoon and fork and cup, 
 
 And e'en a straw for lemonade ! 
 
 28 
 
And what conveniences are these : 
 
 When days are hot in fourth-floor rears, 
 To have a shower-bath when you please 
 
 And sit a-fanning with your ears ; 
 Or when the days are wintry chill, 
 
 And windows must the air exclude, 
 To leave one's nose across the sill 
 
 While folk below prepare their food. 
 
 The Fireside Elephant's a thing 
 Worth any bard's imagining I 
 For when his spouse prepares to darn, 
 His tusks may hold a skein of yarn, 
 The while, a cook-book in his nose, 
 He rocks the cradle with his toes, 
 And trumpets in a manner mild 
 To gratify his happy child. 
 
 Where is the man who would not pant 
 To be a gentle Elephant ? 
 
THE OSTRICH 
 
 A QUEERER bird has ne'er occurred 
 Than is the ostrich, so I've heard. 
 
 Though women flock from west and east 
 To pluck him for their finery, 
 He differs much from man, for he 
 
 Don't care for plucking in the least. 
 (His hide is thick, his speed is quick, 
 And jiminy ! how he can kick !) 
 
 His special pride is his inside : 
 
 It's double-lined with Bess'mer hide. 
 
 He has no fear of golden bucks 
 Or other dainties of that ilk ; 
 He laughs at cucumbers and milk 
 
 O'er pie and Neuburg gayly clucks. 
 (There is no strife in his home life 
 O'er biscuit builded by his wife.) 
 30 
 
His motto is, " I mind my biz, 
 Whatever troubles have ariz." 
 
 When, overcome with shame, he tries 
 To shun the glaring public light, 
 He thinks he's wholly hid from sight 
 
 If he has merely shut his eyes. 
 (That frame of mind you'll often find 
 Has currency with humankind.) 
 
 A Game of Hide and Seek. 
 
 3'- 
 
THE GNU WOOING 
 
 THERE was a lovely lady Gnu 
 Who browsed beneath a spreading yew 
 Its stately height was her delight ; 
 
 A truly cooling shade it threw. 
 
 Upon it little tendrils grew 
 
 Which gave her gentle joy to chew. 
 Yet oft she sighed, a-gazing wide, 
 
 And wished she knew another Gnu 
 
 (Some newer Gnu beneath the yew 
 
 To tell her tiny troubles to). 
 
 She lived the idle moments through, 
 And days in dull succession flew, 
 
 Till one fine eve she ceased to grieve 
 A manly stranger met her view. 
 He gave a courtly bow or two ; 
 She coolly looked him through and through : 
 
 " I fear you make some slight mistake 
 Perhaps it is the yew you knew !" 
 (Its branches blew and seemed to coo, 
 " Your cue, new Gnu ; it's up to you ! ") 
 32 
 
Said he : " If guests you would eschew, 
 I'll say adieu without ado ; 
 
 But, let me add, I knew your dad ; 
 I'm on page two, the Gnus' Who's Who." 
 " Forgive," she cried, " the snub I threw ! 
 I feared you were some parvegnu ! 
 
 'Tis my regret we've never met 
 I knew a Gnu who knew of you." 
 (This wasn't true what's that to you ? 
 The new Gnu knew ; she knew he knew.) 
 
 " Though there are other trees, 'tis true," 
 Said she, " if you're attracted to 
 
 The yews I use, and choose to chews 
 Their yewy dewy tendrils, do!" 
 
 The end is easily in view : 
 He wed her in a week or two. 
 
 The " Daily Gnus " did quite enthuse ; 
 And now, if all I hear is true, 
 Beneath that yew the glad day through 
 There romps a little gnuey new. 
 
A RONDEAU OF REMORSE 
 
 UNHAPPY, I observe the Ass 
 Who browses placidly on grass, 
 
 Or bits of wood he will devour, 
 While e'en the prickly thistle-flower 
 Is spicing for his garden-sass. 
 
 Last night that lovely golden mass 
 She called a " rarebit " proved but brass ; 
 And life I gazed at through a sour 
 Unhappy eye. 
 
 34 
 
And as this sleepless night I pass 
 
 I learn that he who has, alas ! 
 
 An ass's judgment for his dower 
 May lack the beast's digestive power. 
 
 Oh, miserie ! All flesh is grass! 
 Unhappy I ! 
 
 35 
 
REMARKS FROM THE PUP 
 
 SHE'S taught me that I mustn't bark 
 At little noises after dark, 
 But just refrain from any fuss 
 Until I'm sure they're dangerous. 
 This would be easier, I've felt, 
 If noises could be seen or smelt. 
 
 She's very wise, I have no doubt, 
 And plans ahead what she's about; 
 Yet after eating, every day, 
 She throws her nicest bones away. 
 If she were really less obtuse 
 She'd bury them for future use. 
 
 But that which makes me doubt the most 
 Those higher powers that humans boast 
 Is not so much a fault like that, 
 Nor yet her fondness for the cat, 
 But on our pleasant country strolls 
 Her dull indifference to holes ! 
 36 
 
Ah me! what treasures might be found 
 
 In holes that lead to underground ! 
 
 However vague or small one is, 
 
 It sends me into ecstasies ; 
 
 While she, alas ! stands by to scoff, 
 
 Or meanly comes to call me off. 
 
 Oh, if I once had time to spend 
 To reach a hole's extremest end, 
 I'd grab it fast, without a doubt, 
 And promptly pull it inside out ; 
 Then drag it home with all my power 
 To chew on in a leisure hour. 
 
 Of all the mistresses there are, 
 
 Mine is the loveliest by far ! 
 
 Fain would I wag myself apart 
 
 If I could thus reveal my heart. 
 
 But on some things, I must conclude, 
 
 Mine is the saner attitude. 
 
ALACK, A YAK! 
 
 'Mm pathless deserts I groan and grieve ; 
 In weariest solitudes I leave 
 
 My track ; 
 
 Bemoaning the fate that has christened me, 
 In spite of my whiskered dignity, 
 
 A Yak! 
 
 O happy child with the epithet 
 Of Abe or Ike or Eliphalet 
 
 Or Jack, 
 
 You little wot of the blush of shame 
 That dyes my cheek when I hear the name 
 
 Of Yak ! 
 
 38 
 
Better a bok or a slithy sloe, 
 
 Or a mythical beast in the starry zo- 
 
 Diac, 
 
 A polypod or a pelican, 
 An auk or an ichthyosaurus, than 
 
 A Yak! 
 
 And so, through the valleys hereabout 
 I sob this plea, and the echoes shout 
 
 It back : 
 
 For the sake of art, and my pride as well, 
 When you write my name, will you kindly spell 
 
 It Yacque ! 
 
 WASHINGTON 
 
THE TAIL OF THE KINKAJU 
 
 LISTEN, my dears, and I'll tell to you 
 The tale of the kittenish Kinkaju. 
 His feet are four and his fur is fine, 
 And his ways are wary and serpentine ; 
 And he loves to live in a city zoo, 
 This taily mammalian Kinkaju. 
 
 And what, you ask, 
 does the creature 
 do, 
 
 This seemingly fabu 
 lous Kinkaju ? 
 
 From early dawn un 
 til very late 
 
 He does naught else 
 but investigate. 
 
 So the hairs on the 
 end of his nose are 
 few, 
 
 This peerysome, query- 
 some Kinkaju. 
 
 If you gently grasp (and 
 
 w^ith firmness too) 
 The nethermost tip of the 
 
 Kinkaju, 
 
 He bends in supple abandon and 
 He climbs his tail till he gains your hand ; 
 Then, if kindly disposed, he winks at you- 
 This sinuous, grinuous Kinkaju. 
 
 But if perchance any harm you do 
 
 To this highly sensitive Kinkaju 
 
 40 
 
As if, in a foolishly flippant mood, 
 You should lift him up and remove his food- 
 Beware, for he's powerfully prone to chew ! 
 This kleptophobian Kinkaju. 
 
 Oh, far and fair is the land that grew 
 This gentle attenuate Kinkaju ! 
 And while he's nothing averse to roam, 
 'Tis seldom his tail is so far from home. 
 And so in a verse I reveal to you 
 The ways of the versytale Kinkaju. 
 
THE A-OU-DAD 
 
 THE A-ou-dad with his curving horns 
 
 Is a beautiful sight to see, 
 And deep in his noble heart he scorns 
 
 The sin of inconstancy. 
 He sits in the lee of the Gee-gaw tree 
 
 (Avoiding a tropic tan) 
 And eats its fruits while the Whang-bird hoots ; 
 
 And when he has formed a plan 
 There's not an obstacle, good or bad, 
 That can stay the way of the A-ou-dad. 
 
 When the fruit hangs high he does not pass by 
 
 Or moan in a mood forlorn, 
 But he leaps to a limb within reach of him 
 
 And hangs by a crescent horn. 
 
Nor does he dismay if the horn gives way 
 (As indeed it has often done), 
 
 But 'neath the tree he remains till he 
 Has sprouted another one. 
 
 Tis said persistency is a fad 
 
 With the acrobatical A-ou-dad. 
 
 Twere wise, my dear, with a 
 
 mind sincere 
 To study your household 
 
 pets; 
 For each has ways to evoke your 
 
 praise 
 
 And many a hint one gets 
 From the able ant, or the cor 
 morant, 
 Or the mouse with its frugal 
 
 bent ; 
 And if you've a cat you may learn 
 
 of that 
 
 The virtue of sweet content. 
 But, oh, I am sorry you never had 
 An active African A-ou-dad ! 
 
 43 
 
THE 0-K-A-P-I 
 
 London, May 20. Captain Gosling, of the Alexander-Gosling expedition in 
 Africa, writes that Captain Alexander has secured a living specimen of the okapi. 
 
 This is the first time a white man has ever seen a living okapi. The first skin of 
 that animal ever seen in Europe was sent to the British Museum by Sir Harry 
 Johnston in 1901. Daily Newspaper. 
 
 THROUGH Afric's hidden heart I roam 
 In regions seldom trod by man ; 
 
 My rainbow hues light up the gloam 
 As far as mortal eyes might scan. 
 
 What wonder science sighed to see 
 
 A living, breathing Okapi ! 
 
 My face is yellow-white, my pate 
 
 Is chestnut, while my sides and feet 
 
 Are mottled ; and I beg to state 
 I am not good for men to eat. 
 
 O'er swamp and desert, dry or sloppy, 
 
 Unhindered roves the rare Okapi. 
 
 44 
 
The puny horse must feel forlorn 
 
 The proud giraffe, oh, where is he ? 
 
 Pooh ! pooh ! thou fabled unicorn 
 
 My neck is thick, my horns are three. 
 
 E'en man seems humbled since his eye 
 
 Has viewed the glorious Okapi. 
 
 'Tis but a subtle mark of fame 
 
 And tribute to exclusive ways, 
 
 That poets can't pronounce my name 
 
 When sounding paeans in my praise. 
 
 Yet none the less it makes them happy 
 
 To sing the newly gained Okapi. 
 
 r 
 
 O 
 
 45 
 
BALLADE TO A LARGE OYSTER 
 
 WRAPPED in calm quiescentness, 
 
 Lying limp upon my plate, 
 
 Lo, the frowning fork of Fate 
 Hangs a moment motionless. 
 
 Tell me of your former state : 
 Did some vandal kitchen-wight 
 Dare with oyster-knife to smite 
 
 This wee house and scar your cheek ? 
 What a tale you would recite, 
 
 Oyster, if you could but speak ! 
 
 Ere you fell in this duress, 
 
 Did you cling, a potentate 
 Silent, solemn, incrustate 
 
 To some deep-sea rockiness ? 
 
 Did the snails and mussels prate 
 
 Of your deeds in armor dight 
 
 How you nobly put to flight 
 
 Lobster foes ? Say, would you shriek 
 
 Kingly curses on your plight, 
 
 Oyster, if you could but speak ? 
 
 4 6 
 
May a clumsy mammal guess 
 
 How you wooed and won your mate ? 
 
 Or does oyster maid await, 
 In her grot, your fond caress ? 
 
 Had you vices of the great, 
 Roistering, mayhap, at night, 
 Shell-fish ? 'Tis a monarch's right ! 
 
 Did you join the actor clique- 
 Was some star-fish your delight ? 
 
 Oyster, if you could but speak ! 
 
 Waiter, pass the salt ; you might 
 Add tabasco's pungent bite, 
 
 This horseradish is so weak. 
 
 Ere you slip from mortal sight, 
 
 Oyster, if you could but speak ! 
 
THE FIRST HONEYMOON 
 
 WHEN the Little Bear came to the Solar Zone, 
 
 A good many years ago, 
 The Great Bear was sitting there all alone 
 Sipping his milk and gnawing a bone 
 
 And growling the livelong day ; 
 And things were gloomy as they could be 
 Up there in the stellar managerie. 
 
 The Little Bear stood on her graceful tail 
 
 And spun round the Polar Star: 
 The old Rainmaker he dropped his pail, 
 And the Bull and the Goat and the floppety Whale 
 
 Came hurrying from afar; 
 And every one laughed and said, " Dear me, 
 That's the funniest sight I ever see!" 
 
 The Dog Star barked till it disagreed 
 
 With his various works within, 
 
 But the Great Bear thought, as he stopped his feed, 
 " That's just the sort of a wife I need 
 
 To polish the dipper-tin, 
 And keep things jolly and bright at home 
 For a chap who hasn't a chance to roam." 
 
 They went to be married that very day, 
 
 And Saturn he gave the ring. 
 And honey flowed in the Milky Way, 
 And the Man in the Moon he bid them stay 
 
 A week in his airy swing. 
 
 For days and days they would sit and spoon 
 And that was the earliest honeymoon. 
 
 4 8 
 
49 
 
BEAR STORIES 
 
 AT the mystic height of a starry night, 
 In the heart of a stilly wood, 
 
 'Mid the rustling sheaves of the fallen leaves 
 A gaunt old bruin stood. 
 
 And his locks were gray as a winter day 
 And covered him like a hood. 
 50 
 
All seated round on the grassy ground 
 
 Were the little forest folk, 
 And their ears were keyed, as they drank with greed 
 
 Each husky word he spoke. 
 And if he ceased, nor bird nor beast 
 
 The weighty stillness broke. 
 
 " Lo, I am the bear the monster rare 
 
 That the summer-boarders see ; 
 I prowl about when the moon is out, 
 
 Where strolling couples be, 
 And I'm yearly paid to be sore afraid 
 
 When the young man shouts at me. 
 
 " Lo, I am the beast that's slain at least 
 
 Three hundred times a year ; 
 And my corpse is lost, at fearful cost, 
 
 O'er precipices sheer, 
 With nary a hoof or hide in proof 
 
 Of the huntsman's bold career. 
 
 " Yes, I am the last of my ancient caste 
 
 In all of these hills and dells ; 
 At my little jokes on the city folks 
 
 Each hunter's bosom swells, 
 And I draw my pay in a regular way 
 
 From the men who run hotels." 
 
WOOD MUSIC 
 
 THE new woods, the dew woods, 
 
 Dim aisles that waken soon 
 To paeans of thanksgiving 
 
 For dawn-light and the boon 
 Of warmth and very living, 
 
 'Tis the music of the woods in June. 
 The jewelled sheens outrival 
 
 The day God's world began ; 
 Each tiny thing is singing, 
 Its gentle heart outflinging, 
 The June woods, unhewn woods, 
 
 The very home of Pan. 
 52 
 
The lush woods, the thrush woods, 
 
 The senses well might swoon, 
 For sound and sight and smelling 
 
 All spell a song triune 
 That's madly gladly swelling, 
 
 'Tis the music of the woods in June. 
 But o'er the songs full-throated, 
 
 And humming insects' throng, 
 There's still another singing, 
 A magic rhythm swinging, 
 The June woods, the noon woods, 
 
 Where lurks a hidden song. 
 
 The grey woods, the fey woods, 
 
 When drowsy voices croon ; 
 Then hark ! the silence breaking, 
 
 Above the frog's bassoon, 
 'Tis Pan's own merrymaking, 
 
 Tis the music of the woods in June ! 
 We may not see the players, 
 
 Nor learn their faerie tune, 
 Save tiny tempting snatches, 
 And lilting, luring catches ; 
 The June woods, the moon woods, 
 
 The witching woods in June. 
 
 53 
 
/ 
 
 COME live with me and be my Bruin, 
 
 And I will be your Bunny ! 
 I've waited long to welcome you in 
 A hollow log there's room for two in, 
 Where I have carrots stored for chewin', 
 
 With locusts and wild honey. 
 Fair creature ! My poor heart's undoin' ! 
 Pray do not keep me ever suin', 
 
 Through rainy days and sunny ! 
 Refuse, and leave my life a ruin ! 
 Accept, and I'll be up and doin'- 
 Ah, come with me and be my Bruin, 
 
 And I will be your Bunny. 
 
 54 
 
THE AMBITIOUS CROW 
 
 A CROW who had chanced by a school one day 
 
 And listened a bit too long, 
 Unburdened his soul to an oriole 
 
 Who advertised lessons in song ; 
 "They say," he stormed, "that the lark is king, 
 And all because he assumes to sing ! " 
 
 The oriole called for an E in alt, 
 
 Then hastily cried, " Pray pause ! 
 
 For singing, in short, is not your forte, 
 'Tis easy to tell the caws. 
 
 Your obvious bent '11 be instrumental ; 
 
 My little bill will be incidental." 
 
 55 
 
She started him in with a violin, 
 
 And oft his ambition stirred 
 By a little praise in the well-known phrase, 
 
 " You certainly are a bird ! " 
 In a month she said, with a fine decision, 
 There never was music equal to his'n. 
 
 The crow contentedly paid the bill, 
 And flew on his homeward way ; 
 
 And he called the court to his pine resort, 
 They gathered and heard him play, 
 
 With timbre rare, a popular air, 
 
 And a bit of Grieg and "The Maiden's Prayer." 
 
 The hullabaloo ere he'd gotten through 
 
 Was a truly deafening thing ; 
 " Oh, what is the sense of instruments," 
 
 They cried, "if one can but sing?" 
 And every one knows the song of a crow's 
 The best of music as music goes ! " 
 
 They broke the fiddle in bits, to teach 
 The moral each child should know : 
 
 That discontent with one's lot is not 
 Becoming a decent crow ; 
 
 And if you would thwart its growth, you ourght 
 
 To mingle only with your own sort. 
 
57 
 
THE PELICAN 
 
 " MY dear," remarked the Pelican, "you really don't suppose 
 I'll wait all night while you attempt to powder up that 
 
 nose ? " 
 
 " My Love, the time is wisely spent which goes to beautify 
 That feature of your better-half which soonest meets the 
 eye." 
 
 MORAL 
 
 Some folk their features prominent in humble phrase contemn ; 
 The wise pursue a different tack and make the most of them. 
 
 58 
 
IN THE CIRCUS DRESSING-ROOM 
 
 THE lion and the hippo were both dressing in a rush. 
 
 " Wish I was you," the lion said, " and had no hair to brush ! " 
 
 " You think your hair is bothersome," the hippo said ; " Oh, 
 
 bosh! 
 It's nothing to the care I have with all this face to wash ! " 
 
 MORAL 
 
 Oh, little boys that hate to brush your hair and wash your 
 
 faces, 
 How would you like it if you were in these poor creatures' 
 
 places ? 
 But if, when washing time comes round, you always make a 
 
 fuss, 
 You'll turn into a lion or a hippopotamus. 
 
 59 
 
THE OWL ON ECONOMY 
 
 " ALAS, dear sir, observe my plight," the crow in anguish cried ; 
 " And all because I sought and found a frugal-minded bride. 
 She wouldn't purchase camphor-balls because of what they 
 
 cost, 
 And now observe this winter coat, my dignity is lost ! " 
 
 MORAL 
 " This constant cry, ' Economy,' " the owl said, " makes me 
 
 wroth ; 
 It does no good to any one, except, of course, the moth." 
 
 60 
 
THE CAT OF MANY LIVES 
 
 " MARIA dear," cried Thomas, "my heart is tried and true ; 
 
 If you will but accept my suit I'll live my life for you." 
 "One life with you," she answered him, "would be a pleasant 
 fate, 
 
 But tell me, pray, what ladies fair will share the other eight ?" 
 
 MORAL 
 
 My son, when you are bluffing for a jack-pot that you prize, 
 Twill spoil your game if you withhold a stack of any size. 
 
 61 
 
IN THE HORSPITAL 
 
 " SAY, Doc, is it true, as a matter of course, 
 With a colt in my head that I'm sure to get hoarse ? " 
 And the doctor replied with a comforting pat, 
 " It costs three dollars to ass me that." 
 
 MORAL 
 
 Don't thrust any jokes on your doctor until 
 He's got all his services down in the bill. 
 
 62 
 
THE PORCUPINE 
 
 THE Porcupine once sought a shop to get some Sunday clothes ; 
 " I like this coat," said he, "so far as cut and pattern goes. 
 Permit me now to try it on." The salesman looked him o'er, 
 " Folks ain't allowed to try on clothes until they're settled for." 
 
 MORAL 
 
 My son, if some fair maid demure your eye has lit upon, 
 Don't lend her your affections just for her to try them on. 
 For if she be a certain sort, 'tis oft the case, alack, 
 They're not in good condition when you come to get them 
 back. 
 
THE WOODCHUCK 
 
 *' THANK goodness," gasped Miss Woodchuck, as she drew a 
 
 shaking breath, 
 
 " Since I saw Miss Hippopotamus I've worried half to death 
 For fear she was approaching to return a call of mine, 
 And would count upon my urging her to drop in here to dine ! " 
 
 MORAL 
 
 " Let this warning," said her neighbor, " sink deep beneath 
 
 your fur, 
 Be careful of the social obligations you incur ! " 
 
 6 4 
 
THE RABBIT 
 
 Miss RABBIT had a suitor, and each day he used to send her 
 Some rare and lovely orchids from a most expensive vendor ; 
 And as she daily nibbled them with bites restrained and chaste, 
 She murmured, " Beets are better ; dear old Jack has such poor 
 taste ! " 
 
 MORAL 
 
 And the moral to be gained is, though your passion be ex 
 tensive, 
 
 Some maids don't rate their suitors by the gifts that are expen 
 sive. 
 
 Don't squander cabbage roses on some damsel fortunate whose 
 
 Tastes may lean to cabbages and early rose potatoes. 
 
THE GOAT 
 
 " HERE'S a senseless kind of cook-hook," said Miss Goat ; 
 
 " since I began, 
 I've found no slightest mention of the succulent tin can ! " 
 
 MORAL 
 
 If you want to write a cook-book, or a tome of any kind 
 To satisfy all critics, you must bear the goats in mind. 
 
 66 
 
THE DUEL 
 
 ON the deadly field of honor they had grimly planned to meet ; 
 Apologies were hopeless and arrangements were complete. 
 " But wait ! " the elephant cried out (he never spoke again), 
 " For every single shot you take I should be given ten ! " 
 
 MORAL 
 
 Twas mentioned at the funeral that folks should bear in mind 
 To formulate all clawses before a contract's signed, 
 
HORSE DREAMS 
 
 "An, Mrs. Dobbin," cried her spouse, "I've dreamt a drean 
 
 to-day ! 
 I thought we were in heaven where the streets are paved will 
 
 hay. 
 
 Bewildered earthly drivers ran afoot about the town, 
 While we, in dashing motor-cars, sped round and ran then 
 
 down ! " 
 
 MORAL 
 
 Sure, Heaven is a varied place with many joys therein, 
 For every sinner pictures it in terms of his pet sin. 
 
 68 
 
EyftKtt ftfeiftf U. 
 
 THE FOX 
 
 SAID the Fox, " By this maxim my heart has been won 
 1 To bed with the chickens and up with the sun.' 
 If one thus becomes a more virtuous beast, 
 I'll start in by doing the first part, at least." 
 
 MORAL 
 
 Beware when a rascal, with villainies rife, 
 Seems anxious to start on a regular life. 
 
THE GARGOYLE 
 
 THE Gargoyle is a haughty beast, 
 In fine exclusiveness he perches 
 
 Upon cathedrals, or at least 
 On churches. 
 
 Or in a modern land like this is, 
 
 He'll stoop to public edifices. 
 70 
 
E'en when you meet him all a-grin 
 
 He's not the handsomest of creatures; 
 
 There is a lack of team-work in 
 His features. 
 
 Yet when his countenance is sadder, 
 
 Results are just as bad or badder. 
 
 You scarcely would expect to find, 
 In searching any lands or waters, 
 
 Another beast who hadn't hind- 
 -Er quarters; 
 
 The Gargoyle claims it's not refined 
 
 To have a pair of legs behind. 
 
 So, clinging with his forward hoofs, 
 
 (Of dizzy heights he's quite unfearing), 
 
 He peers o'er edges of the roofs 
 With sneering, 
 
 And never sleeps and never eats, 
 
 But spits at people in the streets. 
 
 Oh, little boys who stand or sit 
 
 Upon some lofty edge, I wonder 
 
 Do you resist a wish to spit 
 
 On anything that's passing under? 
 
 Unless repentently you own up, 
 
 You'll be a Gargoyle when you're grown up ! 
 
THE Flea 
 
 Is wee, 
 
 But, Mercy me ! 
 
 It's just as big as it can be ; 
 
 If bigness was 
 
 As bigness does, 
 
 'T would be as big as Dear me, suz ! 
 
 72 
 
THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE L/ ST DATE 
 STAMPED BELOW 
 
 AN INITIAL FINE OF 25 CENTS 
 
 WILL BE ASSESSED FOR FAILURE TO RETURN 
 THIS BOOK ON THE DATE DUE. THE PENALTY 
 WILL INCREASE TO SO CENTS ON THE FOURTH 
 DAY AND TO $1.OO ON THE SEVENTH DAY 
 OVERDUE. 
 
 MAR 
 
 6 1968 
 
 Book Slip-15m-8,'52(A2573s4)458 
 

 -106613 
 
 Johnson, B. 
 Beastly rhymes. 
 
 PS3519 
 
 02 
 
 Bit 
 
 02 
 B4- 
 
 106613