THE
WORKS
OF
TOBIAS SMOLLETT, M.D.
WITH MEMOIRS OF HIS LIFE;
TO WHICH IS PREFIXED
A VIEW OF THE COMMENCEMENT AND PROaRESS OF ROMA.NCE,
BY
JOHN MOORE, M.D.
A NEW EDITION,
EDITED BY
JAMES P. BROWNE, M.D.
IN EIGHT VOLUMES.
VOL. III.
LONDON:
BICKERS AND SON, 1, LEICESTER SQUARE.
H. SOTHERAN and CO., 136, STRAND.
1872.
LONDON :
PRINTED BY HEAD, HOLE AND CO., FARRIXGDON STREET,
AND PATERNOSTER ROW, E.C.
THE
ADVENTURES
PEEEGEINE PICKLE
IN WHICH ARE INCLUDFD
MEMOIES OF A LADY OF QUALITY.
'Eespicere exemplar vit£e morumqvie jubebo
' Doctiiuti imitatoreni, et veras hinc ducere voces.' — Hor.
ADVERTISEMENT
SECOND EDITION.
At length ' Peregrine Pickle ' makes his appearance in
a new edition, in spite of all the art and industry that
were used to stifle him in the birth by certain book-
sellers and others, who were at uncommon pains to
misrepresent the work, and calumniate the author.
The performance was decried as an immoral piece,
and a scurrilous libel ; the author was charged with
having defamed the characters of particular persons,
to whom he lay under considerable obligations ; and
some formidable critics declared that the book was
void of humour, character, and sentiment.
These charges, had they been supported by proof,
would have certainly damned the writer and all his
works ; and even, unsupported as they were, had an
unfavourable effect with the public ; but, luckily for
him, his real character was not unknown, and some
readers were determined to judge for themselves, rather
than trust implicitly to the allegations of his enemies.
The book was found not altogether unworthy of their
recommendation : a very large impression has been
sold in England ; another was bought u]3 in a neigh-
bouring kingdom ; the work has been translated into
the French language ; and the demand for the original
lately increased in England. It was the author's duty,
therefore, as well as his interest, to oblige the public
with this edition, which he has endeavoured to render
less unworthy of their acceptance, by retrenching the
superfluities of the first, reforming its manners, and
vi ADVERTISEMENT.
correcting its expressions. Divers uninteresting inci-
dents are wholly suppressed ; some humorous scenes
he has endeavoured to heighten; and he flatters him-
self that he has expunged every adventure, phrase, and
insinuation that could be construed by the most deli-
cate reader into a trespass upon the rules of decorum.
He owns with contrition, that in one or two instances
he gave way too much to the suggestions of personal
resentment, and represented characters, as they ap-
peared to him at that time, through the exaggerating
medium of prejudice; but he has in this impression
endeavoured to make atonement for these extrava-
gances. Howsoever he may have erred in point of
judgment or discretion, he defies the whole world to
prove that he was ever guilty of one act of malice,
ingratitude, or dishonour. This declaration he may be
permitted to make without incurring the imputation of
vanity or presumption, considering the numerous shafts
of envy, rancour, and revenge, that have lately, both in
private and in public, been levelled at his reputation.
Note. — The two letters relating to the ' Memoirs of a Lady of
' Quality,' inserted at the beginning of the third volume [the fourth
of the present edition], were sent to the editor by a person of
honour.
The present editor does not think it advisable to place those two
letters (after the manner of Anderson and Eoscoe) immediately before
the chapter which contains the ' Memoirs of a Lady of Quality,' as
the narration of these Memoirs begins at the ninth chapter of the
volume. And, moreover, as the eighth chapter ends thus — ' to
' gi-atify his curiosity in these words ' — it would not be quite proper
abruptly to intercept the narrative by the intrusion of those letters.
He deems it right, therefore, to adhere to Dr. Moore's arrangement ;
and especially, as Dr. Anderson, to suit his own plan, was obliged to
change Smollett's own words into the following — namely, ' to gratify
' his curiosity bi/ the account given in the following volume;' while
Koscoe, who has the Memoirs in the midst of a volume, has it thus —
' by the account given in the following chajyter.'
CONTENTS
THE THIRD VOLUME
CHAPTER I.
PACE
An account of Mr. G-amaliel Pickle. The dispo-
sition of his sister described. He yields to her
solicitations, and returns to the country . . 1
CHAPTER n.
He is made acquainted with the characters of
Commodore Trunnion and his adherents; meets
with them by accident, and contracts an inti-
macy with that commander .... 6
CHAPTER HI.
Mrs. Grizzle exerts herself in finding a proper
match for her brother ; who is accordingly
introduced to the young lady, whom he marries
in due season . . . . . . .19
CHAPTER IV.
The behaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the wedding,
with an account of the guests . . . .24
VOL. III. h
Vlii CONTENTS.
CHAPTER V.
Mrs. Pickle assumes the reins of government in
her own family, her sister-in-law midertakes
an enterprise of great moment, but is for some
time diverted from her purpose by a very inte-
resting consideration . . . . .28
CHAPTER VI.
Mrs. Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her
sister's longings. Peregrine is born, and ma-
naged contrary to the directions and remon-
strances of his aunt, who is disgusted upon that
account, and resumes the plan she had before
rejected ........ 35
CHAPTER VII.
Divers stratagems are invented and put in practice,
in order to overcome the obstinacy of Trunnion,
who at length is teased and tortured into the
noose of wedlock ...... 46
CHAPTER VIII.
Preparations are made for the commodore's wed-
ding, which is delayed by an accident that
hurried him the Lord knows whither . . 52
CHAPTER IX.
He is found by the lieutenant ; reconducted to his
own house ; married to Mrs. Grizzle, who meets
with a small misfortune in the night, and asserts
. her prerogative next morning ; in consequence
of which her husband's eye is endangered. . 60
CONTENTS. ix
PAGE
CHAPTER X.
The commodore being in some cases restive, his
lady has recourse to artifice in the establish-
ment of her throne ; she exhibits symptoms of
pregnancy, to the unspeakable joy of Trunnion,
who nevertheless is baulked in his expectation . 68
CHAPTER XL
Mrs. Trunnion erects a tyranny in the garrison,
while her husband conceives an affection for
his nephew Perry, who manifests a peculiarity
of disposition even in his tender years . . 74
CHAPTER XII.
Peregrine is sent to a boarding-school, and be-
comes remarkable for his genius and ambition . 79
CHAPTER XIIL
The commodore takes Peregrine under his own
care. The boy arrives at the garrison; is
strangely received by his mother ; enters into a
confederacy with Hatchway and Pipes, and
executes a couple of waggish enterprises upon
his aunt ........ 88
CHAPTER XIV.
He is also, by their advice, engaged in an adven-
ture with the exciseman, who does not find his
account in his own drollery . . . .99
h—2
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER XV.
The commodore detects tlic macliinations of the
conspirators, and hires a tutor for Peregrine,
whom he settles at Winchester School . .100
CHAPTER XVI.
Peregrine distinguishes himself among his school-
fellows, exposes his tutor, and attracts the par-
ticular notice of the master . . . .112
CHAPTER XVII.
He is concerned in a dangerous adventure with
a certain gardener; sublimes his ideas, com-
mences gallant, and becomes acquainted with
Miss Emily Gauntlet . . . . .117
CHAPTER XVIII.
He inquires into the situation of this young lady
with whom he is enamoured ; elopes from
school ; is found by the lieutenant, conveyed
to Winchester ; and sends a letter with a copy of
verses to his mistress , . . . .127
CHAPTER XIX.
His messenger meets with a misfortune, to which
he applies a very extraordinary expedient that
is attended with strange consequences . .136
CONTENTS. XI
PAGH
CHAPTER XX.
Peregrine is summoned to attend his uncle, is
more and more hated by his own mother ; ap-
peals to his father, whose condescension is de-
feated by the dominion of his wife . . .143
CHAPTER XXL
Trunnion is enraged at the conduct of Pickle.
Peregrine resents the injustice of his mother, to
whom he explains his sentiments in a letter. Is
entered at the University of Oxford, where he
signalizes himself as a youth of an enterprising
genius . 149
CHAPTER XXII.
He is insulted by his tutor, whom he lampoons ;
makes a considerable progress in polite litera-
ture ; and in an excursion to Windsor, meets with
Emilia by accident, and is very coldly received. 156
CHAPTER XXIII.
After sundry unsuccessful efforts, he finds means to
come to an explanation with his mistress ; and
a reconciliation ensues . . . . .164
CHAPTER XXIV.
He achieves an adventure at the assembly, and
quarrels with his governor . . . .174
Xii CONTENTS.
PAGE
CHAPTER XXV. *
He receives a letter from his aunt, breaks with
the commodore, and disobliges the lieutenant,
who, nevertheless, undertakes his cause . .182
CHAPTER XXVI.
He becomes melancholy and despondent ; is
favoured with a condescending letter from his
uncle, reconciles himself to his governor ; and
sets out with Emilia and her friend for Mrs.
Gauntlet's house . . . . . .190
CHAPTER XXVII.
They meet with a dreadful alarm on the road;
arrive at their journey's end. Peregrine is
introduced to Emily's brother ; these two young
gentlemen misunderstand each other. Pickle
departs for the garrison . . . . .196
CHAPTER XXVIII.
Peregrine is overtaken by Mr. Gauntlet, with
whom he fights a duel, and contracts an
intimate friendship. He arrives at the garrison,
and finds his mother as implacable as ever. He
is insulted by his brother Gam, whose preceptor
he disciplines with a horsewhip . . .204
CHAPTER XXIX.
He projects a plan of revenge, which is executed
against the curate . . . . . .212
CONTENTS. Xlil
FAOE
CHAPTER XXX.
Mr. Sackbut and liis pupil conspire against
Peregrine, who, being apprised of their design
by his sister, takes measures for counterworking
their scheme, which is executed by mistake upon
Mr. Gauntlet. This young soldier meets with
a cordial reception from the commodore, who
generously decoys him into his own interest . 218
CHAPTER XXXI.
The two young gentlemen display their talents
for gallantry, in the course of which they are
involved in a ludicrous circumstance of distress,
and afterwards take vengeance on the author of
their mishap . . . . . . .227
CHAPTER XXXn.
The commodore sends a challenge to Gamaliel,
and is imposed upon by a waggish invention
of the lieutenant. Peregrine, and Gauntlet . 233
CHAPTER XXXni.
Peregrine takes leave of his aunt and sister, sets
out from the garrison, parts with his uncle and
Hatchway on the road, and, -vyith his governor,
arrives in safety at Dover . . . .238
CHAPTER XXXIV.
He adjusts the method of his correspondence with
Gauntlet ; meets, by accident, with an Italian
charlatan, and a certain apothecary, who proves
to be a noted character ..... 242
xiv CONTENTS.
CHAPTEE XXXV.
He embarks for France ; is overtaken by a storm ;
is surprised with the appearance of Pipes; lands
at Cahiis, and has an affray with the officers of
the Custom-house . . . . • .251
CHAPTER XXXVI.
He makes a fruitless attempt in gallantry ; departs
for Boulogne, where he spends the evening with
certain English exiles . . . . .259
CHAPTER XXXVII.
Proceeds for the capital. Takes up his lodging at
Bernay, where he is overtaken by Mr. Hornbeck,
whose head he longs to fortify . . . .267
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
They set out in company, breakfast at Abbeville,
dine at Amiens, and about eleven o'clock arrive
at Chantilly, where Peregrine executes a plan
which he had concerted upon Hornbeck . .272
CHAPTER XXXIX.
He is involved in an adventure at Paris, and taken
prisoner by the city guard. Becomes acquainted
with a French nobleman, Avho introduces him
in the beau monde . . . . . .277
CHAPTER XL.
Acquires a distinct idea of the French Government;
quarrels with a mousquetaire, whom he after-
CONTENTS. XV
PAGE
wards fights and vanquishes, after having
punished him for interfering in his amorous
recreations . . . . . . .285
CHAPTER XLI.
Mr. Jolter threatens to leave him on account of
his misconduct, which he promises to rectify ;
but his resolution is defeated by the impetuosity
of his passions. He meets accidentally with
Mrs. Hornbeck, who elopes with him from her
husband, but is restored by the interposition of
the British Ambassador . . . . .294
CHAPTER XLH.
Peregrine resolves to return to England ; is di-
verted with the odd characters of two of his
countrymen, with whom he contracts an ac-
quaintance in the apartments of the Palais
Royal 304
CHAPTER XLIII.l
He introduces his new friends to Mr. Jolter, with
whom the doctor enters into a dispute upon
Government, which had well-nigh terminated in
open war . . . . . . .313
CHAPTER XLIV.
The doctor prepares an entertainment in the
manner of the ancients, which is attended with
divers ridiculous circumstances . . .319
Xvi CONTENTS.
I'AGE
CHAPTER XLV.
The painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to
a masquerade in woman's apparel ; is engaged
in a troublesome adventure, and with his
companion conveyed to the Bastile . . . 330
CHAPTER XLVI.
By the fidelity of Pipes, Jolter is informed of his
pupil's fate. Confers with the physician.
Applies to the ambassador, who with great
difficulty obtains the discharge of the prisoners,
on certain conditions ..... 336
CHAPTER XLVII.
Peregrine makes himself merry at the expense of
the painter, who curses his landlady, and breaks
with the doctor ...... 341
CHAPTER XLVni.
Pallet conceives a hearty contempt for his fellow-
traveller, and attaches himself to Pickle, who,
nevertheless, persecutes him with his mischievous
talent upon the road to Flanders . . .350
CHAPTER XLIX.
Nor is the physician sacred from his ridicule. They
reach Arras, where our adventurer engages in
play with two French officers, who next morn-
ing give the landlord an interesting proof of
their importance . . . . . .358
CONTENTS. Xvil
CHAPTER L.
Peregrine moralizes upon their behaviour, which
is condemned by the doctor, and defended by
the governor. They arrive in safety at Lisle,
dine at an ordinary, and visit the citadel. The
physician quarrels with a North Briton, who
is put in arrest . . . . . .363
CHAPTER LI.
Pickle engages with a Knight of Malta in a con-
versation upon the English stage, which is fol-
lowed by a dissertation on the theatres of the
ancients by the doctor . . . . .370
CHAPTER LIL
An adventure happens to Pipes, in consequence of
which he is dismissed from Peregrine's service.
The whole company set out for Ghent in the
diligence. Our hero is captivated by a lady in
that carriage ; interests her spiritual director in
his behalf 376
CHAPTER LHI.
He makes some progress in her affections ; is inter-
rupted by a dispute between Jolter and a Jew;
appeases the wrath of the Capuchin, who pro-
cures for him an interview with his fair enslaver,
in which he finds himself deceived . . .384
CHAPTER LIV.
He makes another effort towards the accomplish-
ment of his wish, which is postponed by a strange
accident . , 390
xviii CONTENTS.
PAGE
CHAPTER LV.
They depart from Ghent. Our hero engages in a
political dispute with his mistress, whom he
offends, and pacifies with submission. He prac-
tises an expedient to detain the carriage at Alost,
and confirms the priest in his interest . .395
CHAPTEU LVI.
The French coquette entraps the heart of the Jew,
against whom Pallet enters into a conspiracy ;
by which Peregrine is again disappointed, and
the Hebrew's incontinence exposed . . .401
CHAPTER LVn.
Pallet, endeavouring to unravel the mystery of the
treatment he had received, falls out of the frying-
pan into the fire ...... 407
CHAPTER LYHI.
Peregrine, almost distratted with his disappoint-
ment, conjures the fair Fleming to permit his
visits at Brussels. She withdraws from his
pursuit . . . . . . . .419
CHAPTER LIX.
Peregrine meets with Mrs. Hornbeck, and is con-
soled for his loss. His valet-de-chambre is em-
broiled with her duenna, whom, however, he
finds means to appease .^ . ... . 426
CONTENTS. XIX
PAOE
CHAPTER LX.
Hornbeck is informed of his wife's adventure with
Peref^rine, for whom he prepares a stratagem,
wliich is rendered ineffectual by the information
of Pipes. The husband is ducked for his inten-
tion, and our hero apprehended by the patrol . 431
CHAPTER LXI.
Pereo-rine is released. Jolter confounded at his
mysterious conduct. A contest happens between
the poet and painter, who are reconciled by the
mediation of their fellow-travellers . . . 438
CHAPTER LXH.
The travellers depart for Antwerp, at which place
the painter gives a loose to his enthusiasm . 445
CHAPTER LXHI.
Peregrine artfully foments a quarrel between Pal-
let and the physician, who fight a duel on the
ramparts ....... 452
CHAPTER LXIV.
The doctor exults in his victory. They set out for
Rotterdam, where they are entertained by two
Dutch gentlemen in a yacht, which is over-
turned in the Maeze to the manifest hazard of
the painter's life. They spend the evening with
their entertainers, and next day visit a cabinet
of curiosities ....... 4G2
XX CONTENTS.
CHAPTER LXV.
They proceed to the Hague ; whence they depart
. for Amsterdam, where they see a Dutch tragedy.
Visit the music-house, in which Peregrine quar-
rels with the captain of a man-of-war. They
pass through Haerlem in their way to Leyden.
Return to Rotterdam, where the company se-
parates; and our hero, with his attendants,
arrives in safety at Harwich . . . 469
CHAPTER LXVI.
Peregrine delivers his letters of recommendation
at London, and returns to the garrison, to the
unspeakable joy of the commodore and his whole
family . . . ... . , 476
CHAPTER LXVII.
Sees his sister happily married. Visits Emilia, who
receives him according to his deserts . . 484
CHAPTER LXVIII.
He attends his uncle, with great affection, during a
fit of illness. Sets out again for London ; meets
with his friend Godfrey, who is prevailed upon
to accompany him to Bath ; on the road to
which place they chance to dine with a person,
who entertains them with a curious accomit of a
certain company of adventurers . . .491
CHAPTER LXIX.
Godfrey executes a scheme at Bath, by which a
whole company of sharpers is ruined . .497
CONTENTS. XXI
CHAPTEE LXX.
The two friends eclipse all their competitors in
gallantry, and practise a pleasant project of
revenge upon the physicians of the place . . 502
CHAPTER LXXI.
Peregrine humbles a noted Hector, and meets with
a sti'ange character at the house of a certain lady 511
CHAPTER LXXn.
He cultivates an acquaintance with the misan-
thrope, who favours him with a short sketch of
his history . . . . , . .518
THE
ADVENTURES
PEEEGEINE PICKLE
CHAPTER I.
An account of Mr. Gamaliel Pickle. The disposition of
his sister described. He yields to her solicitations ., and
returns to the country.
In a certain county of England, bounded on one side
by the sea, and at the distance of one hundred miles
from the metropolis, lived Gamaliel Pickle, Esq., the
father of that hero whose adventures we propose to
record. He was the son of a merchant in London,
who (like Rome), from small beginnings, had raised
himself to the highest honours of the city, and acquired
a plentiful fortune, though, to his infinite regret, he
died before it amounted to a plum, conjuring his son,
as he respected the last injunction of a parent, to imitate
his industry and adhere to his maxims, until he should
have made up the deficiency, which was a sum consi-
derably less than fifteen thousand pounds.
This pathetic remonstrance had the desired effect,
upon his representative, who spared no pains to fulfil
VOL III. 1
2 THE ADVENTURES OF
the request of the deceased, but exerted all the capacity
with which nature had endowed him in a series of
efforts, which, however, did not succeed ; for, by the
time he had been fifteen years in trade, he found him-
self five thousand pounds worse than he was when he
first took possession of his father's efi'ects ; a circum-
stance that affected him so nearly as to detach his
inclinations from business, and induce him to retire
from the world to some place where he might at lei-
sure deplore his misfortunes, and, by frugality, secure
himself from want and the apprehensions of a gaol,
with Avhich his imagination was incessantly haunted.
He was often heard to express his fears of coming on
the parish ; and to bless God, that, on account of his
having been so long a housekeeper, he was entitled to
that provision. In short, his talents were not naturally
active, and there was a sort of inconsistency in his cha-
racter ; for, with all the desire of amassing which a
citizen could possibly entertain, he was encumbered by
a certain indolence and sluggishness that prevailed
over every inter^ted consideration, and even hindered
him from profiting by that singleness of apprehension,
and moderation of appetites, which have so frequently
conduced to the acquisition of immense fortunes, quali-
ties which he possessed in a very remarkable degree.
I Nature, in all probability, had mixed little or nothing
inflammable in his composition ; or, whatever seeds of
excess she might have sown within him were effec-
I tually stifled and destroyed by the austerity of his
i^education.
The sallies of his youth, far from being inordinate
or criminal, never exceeded the bounds of that decent
jollity which an extraordinary pot, on extraordinary
occasions, may be supposed to have produced in a club
of sedate bookkeepers, whose imaginations were neither
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 3
very warm nor luxuriant. Little subject to refined
sensations, he was scarce ever disturbed with violent
emotions of any kind. The passion of love never
interrupted his tranquillity ; and if, as Mr. Creech says
after Horace —
Not to admire is all the art I know.
To make men happy and to keep them so,
Mr. Pickle was undoubtedly possessed of that invalu-
able secret ; at least, he was never known to betray
the faintest symptom of transport, except one evening
at the club, when he observed, with some demonstra-
tions of vivacity, t hat he h pd rlinpfl u pon a delicate loi n V
pf^veal.
Notwithstanding this appearance of phlegm, he could
not help feeling his disappointments in trade ; and
upon the failure of a certain underwriter, by which he
lost five hundred pounds, declared his design of relin-
quishing business, and retiring to the country. In this
resolution he was comforted and encouraged by his
only sister,C^Ir^. Grizzle, who had managed his family
since the death of his father, and was now in the
thirtieth year of her maidenhood, with a fortune of
five thousand pounds, and a large stock of economy
and devotion.
These qualifications, one would think, might have
been the means of abridging the term of her celibacy,
as she never expressed any aversion to wedlock ; but,
it seems, she was too delicate in her choice to find out
a mate to her inclination in the city ; for I cannot
suppose that she remained so long unsolicited ; though
the charms of her person were not altogether enchant-
ing, nor her manner over and above agreeable. Exclu-
sive of a very wan (not to call it sallow) complexion,
which perhaps was the effect of her virginity and
1—2"
4 THE ADVENTURES OF
mortification, she had a cast in her eyes that was not
at all engaging, and such an extent of mouth as no
art or affectation could contract into any proportionable
dimension : then her piety was rather peevish than re-
signed, and did not in the least diminish a certain
stateliness of her demeanour and conversation, that
delighted in communicating the importance and honour
of her family, which, by-the-bye, was not to be traced
two generations back by all the power of heraldry or
tradition.
She seemed to have renounced all the ideas she
had acquu'ed before her father served the office of
sheriff; and the era which regulated the dates of all
her observations was the mayoralty of her papa. Nay,
so solicitous was this good lady for the support and
propagation of the family name, that, suppressing every
selfish motive, she actually prevailed upon her brother
to combat with his own disposition, and even surmount
it so far, as to declare a passion for the person whom
he afterwards wedded, as we shall see in the sequel.
Indeed, she was the spur that instigated him in all his
extraordinary undertakings ; and I question whether
or not he would have been able to disengage himself
from that course of life in which he had so long me-
chanically moved, unless he had been roused and
actuated by her incessant exhortations. London, she
observed, was a receptacle of iniquity, where an
honest unsuspecting man was every day in danger of
falling a sacrifice to craft ; where innocence was ex-
posed to continual temptations, and virtue eternally
persecuted by malice and slander ; where everything
was ruled by caprice and corruption, and merit utterly
discouraged and despised. This last imputation she
pronounced with such emphasis and chagrin as plainly
denoted how far she considered herself as an example
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 5
of what she advanced ; and really the charge was
justified by the constructions that were put upon her
retreat by her female friends, who, far from imputing
it to the laudable motives that induced her, insinuated,
in sarcastic commendations, that she had good reason
to be dissatisfied with a place where she had been so
long overlooked ; and that it was certainly her wisest
course to make her last effort in the country, where, in
all probability, her talents would be less eclipsed, and
her fortune more attractive.
Be this as it will, her admonitions, though they were
powerful enough to convince, would have been insuffi-
cient to overcome the languor and vis inertioe of her
brother, had she not reinforced her arguments by call-
ing in question the credit of two or three merchants
with whom he was embarked in trade.
Alarmed at these hints of intelligence, he exerted
himself effectually : he withdrew his money from trade,
and, laying it out in Bank Stock and India Bonds,
removed to a house in the country, which his father
had built near the seaside, for the convenience of
carrying on a certain branch of traf&c in which he had
been deeply concerned.
Here then Mr. Pickle fixed his habitation for life,
in the six-and-thirtieth year of his age ; and though
the pang he felt at parting with his intimate com-
panions, and quitting all his former connexions, were
not quite so keen as to produce any dangerous disorder
in his constitution, he did not fail to be extremely dis-
concerted at his first entrance into a scene of life to
which he was totally a stranger. Not but that he met
with abundance of people in the country, who in con-
sideration of his fortune courted his acquaintance, and
breathed nothing but friendship and hospitality ; yet
even the trouble of receiving and returning these civi-
6 THE ADVENTURES OF
litles was an intolerable fatigue to a man of his habits
and disposition. He therefore left the care of the
ceremonial to his sister, who indulged herself in all
the pride of formality ; while he himself, having made
a discovery of a public-house in the neighbourhood,
went thither every evening, and enjoyed his pipe and
can, being very well satisfied with the behaviour of
the landlord, whose communicative temper was a great
comfort to his own taciturnity ; for he shunned al l
su]3erfiuity of_ajie££k. as much as he avoided any oth er
un iiecessar^jexpense.
CHAPTER 11.
He is made acquainted with the characters of Commodore
Trunnion and his adherents; meets ivith them hy acci-
dent^ and contracts an intimacy loith that commander.
This loquacious publican soon gave him sketches of
all the characters in the county ; and, among others,
described that of his next neighbour, Commodore
Trunnion, which was altogether singular and odd.
' The commodore and your worship,' said he, ' will
' in a short time be hand and glove ; he has a power
' of money ; and spends it like a prince — that is, in
' Ills own way — for to be sure he is a little Immor-
' some, as the saying is, and swears woimdily; though
' I'll be sworn he means no more harm than a sucking
^ babe. Lord help us ! it will do your honour's heart
' good to hear him tell a story, as how he lay along-
' side tlie French, yard-arm and yard-arm, board and
' board, and of heaving grapplings, and stink-pots
PEREGBINE PICKLE. 7
and grapes, and round and double-headed partridges,
crows and carters — Laud have mercy upon us ! he
has been a great warrior in his time, and lost an eye
and a heel in the service. Then he does not live like
any other Christian landman; but keeps garrison in
his house, as if he were in the midst of his enemies, <^
and makes his servants turn out in the night, watch
and watch (as he calls it), all the year round. His
habitation is defended by a ditch, over which he has
made a drawbridge, and planted his court-yard with ^\-^
patereroes continually loaded with shot, under the di-
rection of one Mr. Hatchway, who had one of his legs
shot away while he acted as lieutenant on board the
commodore's ship, and now, being on half-pay, lives
with him as his companion. The lieutenant is a very
brave man, a great joker, and, as the saying is, had
got the length of his commander's foot. Though he
has another favourite in the house, called Tom Pipes,
that was his boatswain's mate, and now keeps the
servants in order. Tom is a man of few words, but
an excellent hand at a song, concerning the boat-
swain's whistle, hussle-cap, and chuck-farthing —
there is not such another pipe in the county. So
that the commodore lives very happy in his own
manner ; th'of he be sometimes thrown into perilous
passions and quandaries, by the application of his
poor kinsmen, whom he can't abide, because as how
some of them were the first occasion of his going to
sea. Then he sweats with agony at the sight of an
attorney ; just for all the world as some people have
an antipathy to a cat ; for, it seems, he was once at
law, for striking one of his officers, and cast in a
swinging sum. He is, moreover, exceedingly af-
flicted with goblins that disturb his rest, and keep
such a racket in his house, that you would think
THE ADVENTURES OF
(God bless us !) all the devils in hell had broke loose
upon us. It was no longer ago than last year, about
this time, that he was tormented the livelong night
by two mischievous spirits that got into his chamber,
and played a thousand pranks about his hammock
(for there is not one bed witliin his walls). Well, sir,
he rang his bell, called up all his servants, got lights,
and made a thorough search ; but the devil a goblin
was to be found. He had no sooner turned in again,
and the rest of the family gone to sleep, than the
foul fiends began their game anew. 'The commodore
got up in the dark, drew his cutlass, and attacked
them both so manfully, that, at five minutes, every-
thing in the apartment went to pieces^ The lieute-
nant, hearing the noise, came to his assistance. Tom
Pipes, being told what was the matter, lighted his
match, and going down to the yard fired all the
patereroes as signals of distress. Well to be sure,
the whole parish was in a pucker ; some thought the
French had landed ; others imagined the commo-
dore's house was beset by thieves ; for my own part,
I called up two dragoons that are quartered upon
me ; and they swore, with deadly oaths, it was a
gang of smugglers engaged with a party of their
regiment that lies in the next village ; and mounting
their horses like lusty fellows, rode up into the
country as fast as their beasts could carry them.
Ah, master ! these are hard times, when an indus-
trious body cannot earn his bread without fear of the
gallows. Your worship's father (God rest his soul !)
was a good gentleman, and as well respected in this
parish as ere a he that walks upon neat's leather.
And if your honour should want a small parcel of
fine tea, or a few ankers of right Nants, I'll be bound
vou shall be furnished to your heart's content. But,
'v^ V t.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 9
as I was saying, the hubbub continued till morning,
when the parson, being sent for, conjured the spirits
into the Red Sea; and the house has been pretty
quiet ever since. True it isj Mr. Hatchway makes
a mock of the whole affair ; and told his commander,
in this very blessed spot, that, the two goblins w^ere Vj^^^
no other than a couple of jackdaws, which had fallen
down the chimney, and made a flapping with their
wings up and dow^i the apartment. But the com-
modore, who is very choleric, and does not like to
be jeered, fell into a main high passion, and stormed
like a perfect hurricane, swearing that he knew a
devil from a jackdaw as well as e'er a man in the
three kingdoms. He owned, indeed, that the birds
were found, but denied that they were the occasion
of the uproar. For my own part, master, I believe
much may be said on both sides of the question ;
th'of, to be sure, the devil is always going about, as
the saying is.'
This circumstantial account, extraordinary as it was,
never altered one feature in the countenance of Mr.
Pickle, who, having heard it to an end, took the pipe
from his mouth, saying, with an air of infinite sagacity
and deliberation, 'I do suppose he is of the Cornish
Trunnions. What sort of a woman is his spouse ? '
Spouse ! ' cried the other, ' odds heart ! I don't think
he would marry the queen of Sheba. Lack-a-day !
sir, he won't suffer his own maids to lie in the
garrison, but turns them into an out-house, every
night before the watch is set. Bless your honour's
soul! he_is, as it were, a very oddish kind of^a"]
o-entleman. Your worship would have seen him i
before now ; for, when he is well, he and my good
master Hatchway come hither every evening, and
drink a couple of cans of rumbo apiece; but he has
5.
10 THE ADVENTURES OF
' been confined to his house this fortnight by a plaguy
' fit of the gout, which, I'll assure your worship, is a
' good penny out of my pocket.'
At that instant Mr. Pickle's ears were saluted with
such a strange noise, as even discomposed the muscles
of his face, which gave immediate indications of
alarm. This composition of notes at fii'st resembled
the crying of quails, and croaking of bullfrogs ; but,
as it approached nearer, he could distinguish articulate
sounds pronounced with great violence, in such a
cadence as one would expect to hear from a human
creature scolding through the organs of an ass. It
was neither speaking nor braying, but a surprising
mixture of both, employed in the utterance of terms
absolutely unintelligible to our wondering merchant,
who had just opened his mouth to express his curiosity,
when the landlord, starting up at the well-known
sound, cried, ' Odd's niggers ! there is the commodore
' with his company, as sure as I live ; ' and with his
apron began to wipe the dust off an elbow chair placed
at one side of the fire, and kept sacred for the ease and
convenience of this infirm commander. While he was
thus occupied, a voice, still more uncouth than the
former, bawled aloud, ' Ho ! the house, a hoy ! ' Upon
which the publican, clapping a hand to each side of
his head, with his thumbs fixed to his ears, rebellowed,
in the same tone which he had learned to imitate,
' Hilloah ! ' The voice again exclaimed, ' Have you
' got any attorneys aboard ? ' and when the landlord
replied, ' No, no,' this man of strange expectation
came in, supported by his two dependents, and dis-
played a figure every way answerable to the oddity
of his character. He was in stature at least six feet
high, though he had contracted an habit of stooping by
living so long on board ; his complexion was tawny.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 11
and liisj;S;^ect^ reM§Z^^ 5l5fP^ ^J-.^ large scar across ,
his nose, and a patch that covered the place of one
eje. Being seated in his chair, with great formality,
the landlord complimented him upon his being able to
come abroad again ; and having, in a whisper, com-
municated the name of his fellow-guest, whom the
commodore already knew by report, went to prepare,
with all imaginable despatch, the first allowance of his
favourite liquor, in three separate cans (for each was
accommodated with his own portion apart), while the
lieutenant sat down on the blind side of his com- y
mander ; and Tom Pipes, knowing his distance, with
great modesty took his station in the rear. After a
pause of some minutes, the conversation was begun
by this ferocious chief, who fixing his eye upon the
lieutenant with a sternness of countenance not to be
described, addressed him in these words : ' D — my
eyes ! Hatchway, I always took you to be a better
seaman than to overset our chaise in such fair
weather. Blood ! didn't I tell you we were running
bump ashore, and bid you set in the lee-brace, and
haul up a wind ? ' — ' Yes,' replied the other, with an
arch sneer, ' I do confess as how you did give such
orders, after you had run us foul of a post, so as that
the carriage lay along, and could not right herself
I run you foul of a post ! ' cried the commander.
D — my heart ! you're a pretty dog, an't you, to tell
me so aboveboard to my face ? Did I take charge of
the chaise ? Did I stand at the helm ? ' — ' No,'
answered Hatchway, ' I must confess you did not
steer; but, howsomever, you cunned all the way,
and so, as you could not see how the land lay, being
blind of your larboard eye, we were fast ashore
before you knew anything of the matter. Pipes,
who stood abaft, can testify the truth of what I say.'
12^ THE ADVENTURES OF
' D — my limbs ! ' resmned the commodore, ' I don't
' value what you or Pipes say a rope-yarn. You're a
' couple of mutinous I'll say no more ; but you
' shan't run your rig upon me, d — ye. I am the man
' that learnt you, Jack Hatchway, to splice a rope,
' and raise a perpendicular.'
The lieutenant, who was perfectly well acquainted
with the trim of his captain, did not choose to carry
on the altercation any farther ; but, taking up his
can, drank to the health of the stranger, who very
courteously returned the compliment, without, how-
ever, presuming to join in the conversation, which
suffered a considerable pause. During this interruption,
Mr. Hatchway's wit displayed itself in several prac-
tical jokes upon the commodore, with whom, he knew,
it was dangerous to tamper in any other way. Being
without the sphere of his vision, he securely pilfered
his tobacco, drank his rumbo, made wry faces, and
(to use the vulgar phrase) cocked his eye at him, to
the no small entertainment of the spectators, Mr.
Pickle himself not excepted, who gave evident tokens
of uncommon satisfaction at the dexterity of this
j marine pantomime.
Meanwhile, the captain's choler gradually subsided ;
and he was pleased to desire Hatchway, by the
familiar and friendly diminutive of Jack, to read a
newspaper that lay on the table before him. This task
was accordingly undertaken by the lame lieutenant,
who, among other paragraphs, read that which follows,
with an elevation of voice that seemed to prognosti-
cate something extraordinary. ' We are informed, that
' Admiral Bower will very soon be created a British
' peer, for his eminent services during the war, par-
' ticularly in his late engagement with the French fleet.'
Trunnion was thunderstruck at this piece of intelli-
^■- ^ ■ ■
"S
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 13
gence. The mug dropped from his hand, and sliivered
into a thousand pieces ; his eye glistened hke that of
a rattlesnake, and some minutes elapsed before he
could pronounce, ' Avast ! Overhaul that article again.'
It was no sooner read the second time, than, smiting
the table with his fist, he started up, and, with the
most violent emphasis of rage and indignation, ex-
claimed, ' .D — my heart and liver ! 'tis a land lie,
d'ye see ; and T will maintain it to be a lie, from the
spritsail yard to the mizentop-sail haulyards ! Blood
and thunder ! Will. Bower a peer of this realm ! a
fellow of yesterday, that scarce knows a mast from a
manger; a snotty-nose boy, whom I myself have
ordered to the gun, for stealing eggs out of the hen-
coops ! and I, Hawser Trunnion, who commanded a
ship before he could keep a reckoning, am laid aside,
d'ye see, and forgotten ! If so be as this be the case,
there is a rotten plank in our constitution, which /
ought to be hove down and repaired, d — my eyes ! ^
For my own part, d'ye see, I was none of your
Guinea pigs ; I did not rise in the service by parlia-
menteering intei:jest, or a_ handsome Jbitchgf a wife. •
I was not hoisted over the bellies of better men, nor
strutted athwart the quarter-deck in a laced doublet,
and thingumbobs at the wrists. D — my limbs ! I
have been a hard-working man, and served all offices
on board from cook's shifter to the command of a
vessel. Here, you Tunley, there's the hand of a sea-
man, you dog.' So saying, he laid hold of the land-
lord's fist, and honoured him with such a squeeze as
compelled liim to roar with great vociferation, to
the infinite satisfaction of the commodore, whose
features were a little unbended by this acknowledg-
ment of his vigour ; and he thus proceeded, in a less
outrageous sti-ain : ' They make a d — noise about
14 THE ADVENTURES OF
this engagement with the French; but, egad! it
was no more than a bumboat-battle, in comparison
with some that I have seen. There was okl Eook
and Jennings, and another, whom I'll be d d
before I name, that knew what fighting was. As for
my own share, d'ye see, I am none of those that
halloo m their own commendation; but, if so be
that I were minded to stand my own trumpeter, some
of those little fellows that hold their heads so high
would be taken all aback, as the saying is, they
would be ashamed to show their colours, d — my
eyes. I once lay eight glasses alongside of the
Flour de Louse^ a French man-of-war, though her
metal w^as heavier, and her complement larger by an
hundred hands than mine. You, Jack Hatchway,
d — ye, what d'ye grin at? D'ye think I tell a
story, because you never heard it before ? '
' Why, look ye, sir,' answered the lieutenant, ' I am
glad to find you can stand your own trumpeter on
occasion : th'of I wish you would change the tune ;
for that is the same you have been piping every
watch for these ten months past. Tunley himself
will tell you, he has heard it five hundred times.'
God forgive you, Mr. Hatchway,' said the landlord,
.nterrupting him, 'as I'm an honest man and a house-
keeper, I never heard a syllab' of the matter.'
This declaration, though not strictly true, was ex-
tremely agreeable to Mr. Trunnion, who, with an air
of triumph, observed, ' Aha ! Jack, I thought I should
'bring you up, with your gibes and your jokes; but,
' suppose you had heard it before, is that any reason
' why it shouldn't be told to another person? There's
• the stranger, belike he has heard it five hundred times
' too; han't you, brother?' addressing himself to Mr.
Pickle ; who, replying with a look expressing curiosity,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 15
No, never ;' he thus went on : ' Well, you seem to be
an honest, quiet sort of a man ; and therefore you
must know, as I said before, I fell in with a French
man of war. Cape Finisterre bearing about six leagues
on the weather bow, and the chase three leagues to
leeward, going before the wind : whereupon I set my
studding sails, and coming up with her, hoisted my
jack and ensign, and poured in a whole broadside,
before you could count three rattlins, in the mizen
shrouds ; for I always keep a good look-out, and love
to have the first fire.' — ' That I'll be sworn,' said
Hatchway ; ' for, the day we made the Triumph^ you
ordered the men to fire when she was hull-to, by the
same token we below pointed the guns at a flight of
gulls ; and I won a can of punch from the gunner,
by killing the first bird.' Exasperated at this sarcasm,
he replied, with great vehemence, ' You lie, lubber !
D — your bones ! What business have you to come
always athwart my hause in this manner? You,
Pipes, was upon deck, and can bear witness, whether
or not I fired too soon. Speak, you blood of a ,
and that upon the word of a seaman : how did the
chase bear of us when I gave orders to fire ? '
Pipes, who had hitherto sat silent, being thus called
upon to give his evidence, after divers strange gesticu- ^
lations, opened his mouth like a gasping cod, and, with >^ 'f^*" *
a cadence like that of the east wind siiiging through a l^ "' '^ '
cranny, pronounced, ' Half a quarter of a league rio-ht
' upon our lee-beam.' — 'Nearer,you porpus-fac'd swab ! '
cried the commodore. 'Nearer by twelve fathoms; but,
' howsomever, that's enough to prove the falsehood of
' Hatchway's jaw ; and so, brother, d'ye see ' (turning
to Mr. Pickle), ' I lay alongside of the Flour de Loiise^
' yard-arm and yard-arm, plying our great guns and
' small arms, and heaving in stink-pots, powder-bottles.
16 THE ADVENTURES OF
' and hand-grenades, till our shot was all expended,
' double-headed, partridge, and grape : then we loaded
' with iron crows, marlin-spikes, and old nails ; but
' finding the Frenchman took a great deal of drubbing,
' and that he had shot away all our rigging, and killed
* and wounded a great number of our men, d'ye see,
' I resolved to run him on board upon his quarter,
* and so ordered our grapplings to be got ready ; but
' monsieur, perceiving what we were about, filled his
' topsails, and sheered off, leaving us like a log upon
' the water, and our scuppers running with blood.'
Mr. Pickle and the landlord paid such extraordinary
attention to the rehearsal of this exploit, that Trunnion
was encouraged to entertain them with more stories of
the same nature ; after which, he observed, by way of
encomium on the government, that all he had gained
in the service was a lame foot and the loss of an eye.
The lieutenant, who could not find in his heart to lose
any opportunity of being witty at the expense of his
commander, gave a loose to his satirical talent once
more, saying, ' I have heard as how you came by your
' lame foot, by having your upper decks overstowed
' with liquor, whereby you became crank, and roll'd,
' d'ye see, in such a manner, that, by a pitch of the
' ship, your starboard heel was jammed in one of the
' scuppers ; and, as for the matter of your eye, that was
' knocked out by your own crew when the Lightning
' was paid off. There's poor Pipes, who was beaten
' into all the colours of the rainbow for taking your
' part, and giving you time to sheer off; and I don't
' find as how you have rewarded him according as he
' deserves.' As the commodore could not deny the
truth of these anecdotes, however unseasonably they
were introduced, he affected to receive them with good
humour, as jokes of the lieutenant's own inventing ;
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 17
and replied, ' Ay, ay, Jack, everybody knows yonr
' tongue is no slander ; but, howsomever, I'll work you
' to an oil for tliis, you dog.' So saying, lie lifted up one
of liis crutches, intending to lay it gently across Mr.
Hatchway's pate; but Jack, with great agility, tilted
up his wooden leg, with which he warded off the blow,
to the no small admiration of Mr. Pickle, and utter
astonishment of the landlord, who, by-the-bye, had
expressed the same amazement, at the same feat, at the
same hour, every night for three months before.
Trunnion then directing his eye to the boatswain's
mate, ' You Pipes,' said he, ' do you go about and tell
' the people that I did not reward you for standing by
' me, when I was hustled by these rebellious rapscal-
^ lions ? d — you, ha'n't you been rated on the books
' ever since ? ' Tom, who indeed had no words to
spare, sat smoking his pipe with great indifference,
and never dreamed of paying any regard to these
interrogations ; which being repeated and reinforced
with many oaths, that, however, produced no effect,
the commodore pulled out his purse, saying, ' Here,
' you bitch's baby, here's something better than a smart
' ticket ; ' and threw it at his silent deliverer, who re-
ceived and pocketed his bounty, without the least de-
monstration of surprise or satisfaction ; while the donor,
turning to ]\Ir. Pickle, ' You see, brother,' said he, ' I
' make good the old saying, we sailors get money like
' horses, and spend it like asses. Come, Pipes, let's
' have the boatswain's whistle, and be jovial.' This
musician accordingly applied to his moiith the silver
instrument that hung at a botton-hole of his jacket by
a chain of the same metal, and, though not quite so
ravishing as the pipe of Hermes, produced a sound so
loud and shrill, that the stranger (as it were instinc-
tively) stopped his ears, to preserve his organs of hear-
i
18 THE ADVENTURES 01^
ing from sucli a dangerous invasion. The prelude
being thus executed, Pipes fixed his eyes upon the egg
of an ostrich that depended from the ceiling, and, with-
out once moving them from that object, performed the
whole cantata in a tone of voice that seemed to be the
joint issue of an Irish bagpipe and a sow-gelder's horn;
the commodore, the lieutenant, and landlord, joined in
the chorus, repeating this elegant stanza:
Bustle, bustle, brave boys !
Let us sing, let us toil.
And drink all the while,
Since labour 's the price of our joys.
The third line was no sooner pronounced, than the
can was lifted to every man's mouth with admirable
uniformity ; and the next word taken up at the end of
their draught with a twang equally expressive and
harmonious. In short, the company began to under-
stand one another; Mr. Pickle seemed to relish the
entertainment; and a correspondence immediately
commenced between him and Trunnion, who shook
him by the hand, drank to farther acquaintance, and
even invited him to a mess of pork and peas in the
garrison. The compliment was returned, good fellow-
ship prevailed, and the night was pretty far advanced,
when the merchant's man arrived with a lantern to
light his master home ; upon which the new friends
parted, after a mutual promise of meeting next evening
in the same place.
PEREGRINE PICKLE 19
CHAPTEE III.
Mi's. Grizzle exerts herself in finding a proper match for
her brother ; loho is accordingly introduced to the young
lady^ whom he marries in due season,
I HAVE been the more circumstantial in opening the
character of Trunnion, because he bears a considerable
share in the course of these memoirs ; but now it is
high time to resume the consideration of Mrs. Grizzle,
who, since her arrival in the country, has been en-
grossed in a double care, namely, that of finding a
suitable match for her brother, and a comfortable yoke-
fellow for herself.
Neither was this aim the result of any sinister or frail
suggestion, but the pure dictates of that laudable am-
bition which prompted her to the preservation of the
family name. Nay, so disinterested was she in this
pursuit, that, postponing her nearest concern, or at
least leaving her own fate to the silent operation of her
charms, she laboured with such indefatigable zeal in
behalf of her brother, that, before they had been three
months settled in the country, the general topic of
conversation in the neighbourhood was the intended
match between the rich Mr. Pickle and the fair Miss . ?
Appleby, daughter of a gentleman who lived in the Aff^"^
next parish, and who, though he had but little fortune
to bestow upon his children, had (to use his own
phrase) replenished their vems with some of the best
blood in the country.
This young lady, whose character and disposition
Mrs. Grizzle had investigated to her own satisfaction,
2—2
20 THE ADVENTURES OF
was destined for the spouse of Mr. Pickle, and an
overture accordingly made to her father, who, being-
overjoyed at the proposal, gave his consent without
hesitation, and even recommended the immediate exe-
cution of the project with such eagerness as seemed to
indicate either a suspicion of Mr. Pickle's constancy or
a diffidence of his own daughter's complexion, which,
perhaps, he thought too sanguine to keep much longer
cool. '^ The previous point being thus settled, our
merchant, at the instigation of Mrs. Grizzle, went to
visit his future father-in-law, and was introduced to the
daughter, with whom he had, that same afternoon, an
opportunity of being alone. What passed in that in-
terview I never could learn, though, from the character
of the suitor, the reader may justly conclude that she
was not much teased with the impertinence of his
addresses. He was not, I believe, the less welcome
for that reason ; certain it is, she made no objection to
his taciturnity, and when her father communicated his
resolution, acquiesced with the most pious resignation.
But Mrs. Grizzle, in order to give the lady a more
favourable idea of his intellects than what his conver-
sation could possibly inspire, was resolved to dictate a
letter, which her brother should transcribe and trans-
mit to his mistress as the produce of his own under-
standing, and had actually composed a very tender
billet for this purpose 5 yet her intention was entirely
frustrated by the misapprehension of the lover himself,
who, in consequence of his sister's repeated admoni-
tions, anticipated her scheme by writing for himself,
and despatching the letter one afternoon, while Mrs.
Grizzle was visiting at the parson's.
Neither was this step the effect of his vanity or
precipitation ; but having been often assured by his
sister that it was absolutely necessary for him to make
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 21
a declaration of his love in writing, lie took this oppor-
tunity of acting in conformity with her advice, when
his imagination was unengaged or undisturbed by any
other suggestion, without suspecting in the least that
she intended to save him the trouble of exercising his
own genius. Left, therefore, as he imagined, to his
own inventions, he sat down and produced the fol-
lowing morceau, which was transmitted to Miss Ap-
pleby before his sister and counsellor had the least
intimation of the affair : —
' Miss Sally Appleby.
' Madam, —
' Understanding you have a parcel of heart, war-
' ranted sound, to be disposed of, shall be willing to
' treat for said commodity, on reasonable terms ; doubt
' not, shall agree for same ; shall wait of you for farther
' information, when and where you shall appoint. This
' the needful from
' Yours, &c.
* Gam. Pickle.'
This laconic epistle, simple and unadorned as it was,
met with as cordial a reception from the person to
whom it was addressed, as if it had been couched in
the most delicate terms that delicac y_Q f pas sion and
cultivated g enius could supply ; nay, I believe, was the
more welcome on account of its mercantile plainness,
because, when an advantageous match is in view, a
sensible woman often considers the flowery professions
and rapturous exclamations of love as ensnaring am-
biguities, or at best impertment preliminaries, that
retard the treaty they are designed to provoke ; whereas
Mr. Pickle removed all disagi'ceable uncertainty, by
descending at once to the most interesting particular.
She had no sooner, as a dutiful child, communicated
22 THE ABVENTUBES OF
this hillet-doiix to her father, than he, as a careful
parent, visited Mr. Pickle, and In presence of Mrs.
Grizzle, demanded a formal explanation of his senti-
ments with regard to his daughter Sally. Mr. Gamaliel,
without any ceremony, assured him he had a respect
for the young woman, and, with his good leave, would
take her for better for worse. Mr. Appleby having
expressed his satisfaction that he had fixed his affections
in his family, comforted the lover with the assurance of
his being agreeable to the young lady ; and they forth-
with proceeded to the articles of the marriage-settle-
ment, which being discussed and determined, a lawyer
was ordered to (iSTl gro s^ them , the wedding clothes were
bought, and. In sliort, a day was appointed for the cele-
bration of their nuptials, to which everybody of any
fashion In the neighbourhood was Invited. Among
these. Commodore Trunnion and Mr. Hatchway were
not forgotten, being the sole companions of the bride-
groom, with whom, by this time, they had contracted a
sort of Intimacy at their nocturnal rendezvous.
They had received a previous Intimation of what
was on the |ny^ from the landlord, before Mr. Pickle
thought proper to declare himself; In consequence of
which, the topic of the one-eyed commander's dis-
course at their meeting for several evenings before
had been the folly and plague of matrimony, on
which he held forth with great vehemence of abuse ,
levelled at the fair sex ^jw hom he represented as devil s
incarnate, sent from hell to torment mankind ; and, in
particular, Inveighed against old maids, for whom he
seemed to entertain a singular aversion ; while his
friend Jack confirmed the truth of all his allegations,
and gratified his ovn\ malignant vein at the same time,
by clenching every sentence with a sly joke upon the
married state, built upon some allusion to a ship or
PEBEGBINE PICKLE. 23
seafaring life. He compared a woman to a great gun \,yvjy«=
loaded with fire, brimstone, and noise, wliicli being ^^^cJ^
violently heated will bounce and fly, and play the
devil, if you don't take special care of her bre echings.
He said she was like a hurricane that never blows
from one quarter, but veers about to all points of the
compass : he likened her to a painted galley curiously'
rigged, with a leak in her hold, which her husband
.^^->^,
would never be able to stop. He observed that her J ^^^^^
inclinations were like the Bay of Biscay ; for why ? J(p-^
because you may heave your deep-sea lead long
enough, Avithout ever reaching the bottom ; that he
who comes to anchor on a wife may find himself
moored on d foul ground, and after all can't,
for his blood, slip his cable ; and that, for his own
part, th'of he might make short trips for pastime, he
would never embark in woman on the voyage of life,
because he was afraid of foundering in the first foul
weather.
In all probability these insinuations made some
impression on the mind of Mr. Pickle, who was not
much inclined to run great ^isk^ of any kind ; but the
injunctions and importunities of his sister, who was
bent upon the match, overbalanced the opinion of his
sea-friends, who, finding him determined to marry,
notwithstanding all the hints of caution they had
thrown out, resolved to accept his invitation, and
honoured his nuptials with their presence accordingly.
24 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER IV.
The behaviour of Mrs. Grizzle at the wedding^ with an
account of the guests.
I HOPE it will not be thouglit uncharitable, if I advance,
by way of conjecture, that Mrs. Grizzle, on this grand
occasion, summoned her whole exertion to play off the
artillery of her charms upon the single gentlemen who
were invited to the entertainment. Sure I am, she
displayed to the best advantage all the engaging
qualities she possessed : her affability at dinner was
altogether uncommon, her attention to the guests was
superfluously hospitable, her tongue was sheathed with
the most agreeable and infantile lisp, her address was
perfectly obliging ; and, as conscious of the extraordi-
nary capacity of her mouth, she would not venture to
hazard a laugh , she modelled her lips into an enchant-
ing simper, which played upon her countenance all
day long ; nay, she even profited by that defect in
her vision we have already observed, and securely
contemplated those features which were most to her
liking, while the rest of the company believed her
regards were disposed in a quite contrary direction.
With what humility and complaisance did she receive
the compliments of those who could not help praising
the elegance of the banquet ! and how piously did
she seize that opportunity of commemorating the
honours of her su-e, by observing that it was no merit
in her to understand something of entertainments, as
she had occasion to preside at so many during the
mayoralty of her papa ! Far from discovering the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 25
least symptom of pride and exultation, when the opu-
lence of her family became the subject of conversation,
she assumed a severity of countenance ; and, after
having moralized on the vanity of riches, declared
that those who looked upon her as a fortune were
very much deceived, for her father had left her no
more than poor five thousand pounds, which, with
what little she had saved of the interest since his
death, was all she had to depend upon ; indeed, if
she had placed her chief felicity in wealth, she should
not have been so forward in destroying her own ex-
pectations, by advising and promoting the event at
which they were now so happily assembled ; but she
hoped she should always have virtue enough to post-
pone any interested consideration, when it should
happen to clash with the happiness of her friends.
Finally, such was her modesty and self-denial, that
she industriously informed those whom it might con-
cern, that she was no less than three years older than
the bride ; though, had she added ten to the reckoning,
she would have committed no mistake in point of com-
putation.
To contribute as much as lay in her power to the
satisfaction of all present, she in the afternoon regaled
them with a tune on the harpsichord, accompanied
with her voice, which though not the most melodious
in the world, I daresay, would have been equally at
their service could she have vied with Philomel in
song ; and, as the last effort of her complaisance, when
dancing was proposed, she was prevailed upon, at the
request of her new sister, to open the ball in person.
In a word, Mrs. Grizzle was the principal figure in
this festival, and almost eclipsed the bride, who, far
from seeming to dispute the pre-eminence, very wisely
allowed her to make the best of her talents, contenting
26 THE ADVENTURES OF
herself with the lot to which fortune had already called
her, and which she imagined would not be the less
desirable if the sister-in-law were detached from the
family.
I believe, I need scarce advertise the reader, that
during this whole entertainment the commodore and
his lieutenant were quite out of their element; and
this, indeed, was the case with the bridegroom himself,
who, being utterly unacquainted with any sort of po-
lite commerce, found himself under a very disagreeable
restraint during the whole scene.
Trunnion, who had scarce ever been on shore till
he was paid off, and never once in his whole life in
the company of any females above the rank of those
who herd upon the Point at Portsmouth, was more
embarrassed about his behaviour than if he had been
surrounded at sea by the whole French navy. He
had never pronounced the word madam since he was
born ; so that, far from entering into conversation
with the ladies, he would not even return the com-
pliment, or give the least nod of civility, when they
drank to his health, and, I verily believe, would
rather have suffered suffocation than allowed the
simple phrase, your sei'vant^ to proceed from his
mouth. He was altogether as inflexible with respect
to the attitudes of his body ; for, either through ob-
stinacy or bashfulness, he sat upright without motion,
insomuch that he provoked the mirth of a certain
wag, who, addressing himself to the lieutenant, asked
whether that was the commodore himself, or the
)/ wftO'^^^r^ ^^Q^ tti^t used to stand at his gate ? an image
to which, it must be owned, Mr. Trunnion's person
bore no faint resemblance.
Mr. Hatchway, who was not quite so unpolished
as the commodore, and had certain notions that
PEEEGEINE PICKLE. 27
seem ed to app roacli jtjie ideas of common lifcj^ made
alessuncoutli appearance; but then he was a wit,
and, though of a very peculiar ge^Jis, partook largely
of that disposition which is common to all wits, who
never enjoy themselves except when their talents
meet with those marks of distinction and veneration
which (in their own opinion) they deserve.
These circumstances being premised, it is not to
be wondered at, if this triumvirate made no objections
to the proposal, when some of the grave personages
of the company made a motion for adjourning into
another apartment, where they might enjoy their pipes
and bottles, whilst the young folks indulged them-
selves in the continuance of their own favourite di-
version. Thus rescued, as it_were,_frorn ^ state of |
annihilation^ the first u se the two lads- of the castle
made of their existence was to ply the bridegroom so
hard^ with bumpers, Jhat in less than an hour he tV^,/?{^^^(xv
made divers efforts to sing, and soon after was carried fo^^A
\ to bed, deprived of all manner of sensation, to the
utter disappointment of the bridemen and maids, who,
by- Jthi«- accident, were -prevented from throwing the
s tocking _andLper forming certain other cerem ^mes^irac-j
tised on s u ch occasions . As for the bride, she bore
tHis'lnisfortune with great good humour, and, indeed,
on all occasions behaved like a discreet woman, per-
fectly well acquainted with the nature of her own
situation.
28 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER V.
Mrs. Pickle assumes the reins of government in her own
family ; her sister -in-laio undertakes an enterprise of
great moment, hut is for some time diverted from her
purpose hy a very interesting consideration.
Whatever deference, not to say submission, she liad
paid to Mrs. Grizzle before she was so nearly allied
to her family, she no sooner became Mrs. Pickle than
sjje thought it incumbent upon her to act up to the
dignity of the character, and, the very day after the
marriage, ventured to dispute with her sister-in-law
on the subject of her own pedigree, which she affirmed
to be more honourable in all respects than that of her
husband ; observing, that several younger brothers of
her house had arrived at the station of Lord Mayor of
London, which was the highest pitch of greatness that
any of Mr. Pickle's predecessors had ever attained.
This presumption was like a thunderbolt to Mrs.
Grizzle, who began to perceive that she had not suc-
ceeded so well as she imagined, in selecting for her
brother a gentle and obedient yoke-fellow, who would
always treat her with that profound respect which she
Athought due to her ,.suj>eriQr ^jyeniiis , and be entirely
regulated by her advice and direction : however, she
still continued to manage the reins of government in
the house, reprehending the servants as usual — an
office she performed with great capacity, and in which
she seemed to take singular delight, until Mrs. Pickle,
on pretence of consulting her ease, told • her one day
she would take tliat trouble upon herself, and for the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 29
future assume the management of lier own family.
Nothing could be more mortifying to Mrs. Grizzle
than such a declaration ; to which, after a considerable
pause, and strange distortion of look, she replied:
I shall never refuse to repine at any trouble that
may conduce to my brother's advantage.' — ' Dear
madam,' answered the sister, ' I am infinitely obliged
to your kind concern for Mr. Pickle's interest, which
I consider as my own, but I cannot bear to see you
a sufferer by your friendship ; and, therefore, insist
upon exempting you from the fatigue you have borne
so long.'
In vain_^lid th e ot her protest that she took pleasure
in tEPTa"sk : Mrs. PickTe ascribed the assurance to her
excess of complaisance, and expressed such tenderness
of zeal for her dear sister's health and tranquillity,
that the reluctant maiden found herself obliged to
resign her authority, without enjoying the least pretext
for complaining of her being deposed.
This disgrace was attended by a ^ of peevish
devotion, which lasted three or four weeks, during
which period she had the additional chagrin of seeing
the young lady gam an absolute ascendency over the
mind of her brother, who was persuaded to set up a
gay equipage, and improve his housekeeping by an
augmentation in his expense to the amount of a
thousand a year at least ; though his alteration in the
economy of his household effected no change in his
own disposition or manner of life ; for, as soon as the
painful ceremony of receiving and returning visits
was performed, he had recourse again to the company
of his sea-friends, with whom he spent the best part of
his time. But, if he was satisfied with his condition,
the case was otherwise with Mrs. Grizzle, who, finding
her importance in the family greatly diminished, her
30 THE ADVENTURES OF
attractions neglected by all the male sex in the
neighbourhood, and the withering hand of time hang
threatening over her head, began to feel the horror
of eternal virginity, and, in a sort of desperation,
resolved at any rate to rescue herself from that re-
proachful and uncomfortable situation. Thus deter-
mined, she formed a plan, the execution of which, to
a spirit less enterprising and sufficient than hers,
would have appeared altogether impracticable ; this
was no other than to make a conquest of the com-
modore's heart, which the reader will easily perceive
was not very susceptible of tender impressions; but,
on the contrary, fortified with insensibility and pre-
judice against the charm of the whole sex, and par-
ticularly prepossessed to the prejudice of that class
distinguished by the appellation of Old Maids, in
which Mrs. Grizzle was, by this time, unhappily
ranked. She nevertheless took the field, and, having
invested this seemingly-impregnable fortress, began to
break ground, one day when Trunnion dined at her ,
brother's, by springing certain ensnaring commenda-
tions on the honesty and sincerity of seafaring people,
paying a particular attention to his plate, and aftecting
a simper of approbation at everything he said, which
by any means she could construe into a joke, or with
modesty be supposed to hear ; nay, even when he left
decency on the left hand (which was often the case),
she ventured to reprimand his fi-eedom of speech with
a gracious grin, saying, ' Sure, you gentlemen belonging
' to the sea have such an odd way with you ! ' But
all this complacency was so ineffectual, that, far from
suspecting the true cause of it, the commodore, that
very evening, at the club, in presence of her brother,
with whom, by this time, he could take any manner
of fi'eedom, did not scruple to d — her for a squinting.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 31
block-faced, chattering, p — s-kitclien ; and immediately
after drank despair to all old maids. The toast
Mr. Pickle pledged without the least hesitation, and
next day intimated it to his sister, who bore the in-
dignity with surprising resignation, and did not there-
fore desist from her scheme, unpromising as it seemed
to be, until her attention was called off, and engaged
in another care, which, for some time, interrupted the
progress of this design. Her sister had not been
married many months, when she exhibited evident
symptoms of pregnancy, to the general satisfaction
of all concerned, and the inexpressible joy of Mrs.
Grizzle, who (as we have already hinted) "^asja
interested in the preservation of the family name thai
in any o th^ _cpnMderaJiQn---w]in.tevei\ She therefore J
no sooner discovered appearances to justify and con-
firm her hopes, than, postponing her own purpose, and
laying aside that pique and resentment she had con-
ceived from the behaviour of Mrs. Pickle when she
superseded her authority, or, perhaps, considering her
in no other light than that of the vehicle which con-
tained and was destined to convey her brother's heir
to light, she determined to exert her uttermost in
nursing, tending, and cherishing her during the time
of her important charge. With this view she pur-
chased ' Culpepper's Midwifery,' which, with that saga-
cious performance dignified with Aristotle's name, she
studied with indefatigable care, and diligently perused
the ' Complete Housewife,' together with ' Quincy's Dis-
'- pensatory,' culling every jelly, marmalade, and con-
sei-ve, which those authors recommend as either salutary
or toothsome, for the benefit and comfort of her sister-
in-law, during her gestation. She restricted her from
eating roots, pot-herbs, fruits, and all sorts of vege-
tables ; and one day, when Mrs. Pickle had plucked a
32 THE ADVENTURES OF
peacli witli her own liand, and was in the very act of
putting it between her teeth, Mrs. Grizzle perceived
the rash attempt, and, running up to her, fell upon
her knees in the garden, entreating her, with tears in
her eyes, to resist such a pernicious appetite. Her
request was no sooner complied with, than, recollecting
that if her sister's longing was baulked, the child might
be affected with some disagreeable mark, or deplorable
disease, she begged as earnestly that she would swallow
the fruit, and in the meantime ran for some cordial
water of her own composing, which she forced upon
her sister as an antidote to the poison she had received.
This excessive zeal and tenderness did not fail to
be very troublesome to Mrs. Pickle, who, having re-
volved divers plans for the recovery of her own ease,
at length determined to engage Mrs. Grizzle in such
employment as would interrupt that close attendance
which she found so teazing and disagreeable. Neither
did she wait long for an opportunity of putting her
resolution into practice. The very next day, a gentle-
man, happening to dine with Mr. Pickle, unfortunately
mentioned a pine-apple, part of which he had eaten
the week before at the house of a nobleman who lived
in another part of the country, at the distance of an
hundred miles at least.
The name of this fatal fruit was no sooner pro-
nounced than Mrs. Grizzle, who incessantly watched
her sister's looks, took the alarm, because she thought
they gave certain indications of curiosity and desire;
and after having observed that she could herself never
eat pine-apples, which were altogether unnatural pro-
ductions, extorted by the force of artificial fire out of
filthy manure, asked, with a faltering voice, if Mrs.
Pickle was not of her way of thinking ? This young
lady, who wanted neither slyness nor penetration, at
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 33
once divined her meaning, and replied, with seeming
imconcern, that for her OAvn part she thought she
shoukl never repine if there was not a pine-apple in
the universe, provided she could indulge herself with
the fruits of her own country.
This answer was calculated for the benefit of the
stranger, who would certainly have suffered for his
imprudence by the resentment of Mrs. Grizzle, had
her sister expressed the least relish for the fruit in
question. It had the desired effect, and re-established
the peace of the company, which was not a little
endangered by the gentleman's want of consideration.
Next morning, however, after breakfast, the pregnant
lady, in pursuance of her plan, yawned (as it were by
accident) full in the face of her maiden sister, who,
being infinitely disturbed by this convulsion, afiirmed
it was a symptom of longing, and insisted upon know-
ing the object in desire, when Mrs. Pickle, affecting a
smile, told her she had eaten a most delicious pine-
apple in her sleep. This declaration was attended
with an immediate scream uttered by Mrs. Grizzle,
who, instantly perceiving her sister surprised at the
exclamation, clasped her in her arms, and assured her,
with a sort of hysterical laugh, that she could not help
screaming with joy, because she had it in her power to
gratify her sister's wish, a lady in the neighbourhood
having promised to send her, in a present, a couple of
delicate pine-apples, which she would that very day go
in quest of.
Mrs. Pickle would by no means consent to this pro-
posal, on pretence of sparing the unnecessary fatigue 5
and assured her that, if she had any desire to eat
a pine-apple, it was so faint, that the disappointment
could produce no bad consequence. But this assurance
was conveyed in a manner (which s-he knew very well
VOL. III. 3
34 THE ADVENTURES OF
how to adopt), that, instead of dissuading, rather stimu-
lated Mrs. Grizzle, to set out immediately, not on a
visit to that lady, whose promise she herself had
feigned with a view of consulting her sister's tranquil-
lity, but on a random search through the whole
country for this unlucky fruit, which was like to pro-
duce so much vexation and prejudice to her and her
father's house.
During three whole days and nights did she, at-
tended by a valet, ride from place to place without
success, unmindful of her health, and careless of her
reputation, that began to suffer from the nature of her
inquiry, which was pursued with such peculiar eager-
ness and distraction, that everybody with whom she
f conversed looked upon her as an unhappy person,
whose intellects were not a little disordered.
Baffled in all her researches within the country, she
at length resolved to visit that very nobleman at whose
house the officious stranger had been (for her) so un-
fortunately regaled, and actually arrived in a post-
chaise at the place of his habitation, where she intro-
duced her business as an affair on which the happiness
of a whole family depended. By virtue of a present
to his lordship's gardener, she procured the Hesperian
fruit, with which she returned in triumph.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 35
CHAPTER VI.
Mrs. Grizzle is indefatigable in gratifying her sister's
longings. Peregrine is horn^ and managed contrary
to the directions and remonstrances of his aunt.^ loho is
disgusted upon that account; and resumes the plan
which she had before rejected.
The success of this device would have encouraged
Mrs. Pickle to practise more of the same sort upon her
sister-in-law, had she not been deterrred by a violent
fever which seized her zealous ally, in consequence of
the fatigue and uneasiness she had undergone ; which,
while it lasted, as effectually conduced to her repose
as any other stratagem she could invent. But Mrs.
Grizzle's health was no sooner restored than the other,
being as much incommoded as ever, was obliged, in
her own defence, to have recourse to some other con-
trivance, and managed her artifices in such a manner,
as leaves it at this day a doubt whether she was really
so whimsical and capricious in her appetites as she
herself pretended to be ; for her longings were not
restricted to the demands of the palate and stomach,
but also affected all the other organs of sense, and eveii
iilYad^dJier Jmagina^ which at this period seemed I
to be strangely diseased.
One time she longed to pinch her husband's ear ;
and it was with infinite difficulty that his sister could
prevail upon him to undergo the operation. Yet this
task was easy, in comparison with another she under-
took for the gratification of Mrs. Pickle's unaccount-
able desire, which was no other than to persuade the
3—2
36 THE ADVENTURES OF
commodore to submit his chin to the mercy of the big-
bellied lady, who ardently wished for an opportmiity
\ of plucking three black hairs from his beard. When
this proposal was first communicated to Mr. Trunnion
by the husband, his answer was nothing but a dreadful
effusion of oaths, accompanied with such a stare, and
delivered in such a tone of voice, as terrified the poor
beseecher into immediate silence ; so that Mrs. Grizzle
was fain to take the whole enterprise upon herself, and
next day went to the garrison accordingly, where,
having obtained entrance by means of the lieutenant,
who, while his commander was asleep, ordered her to
be admitted for the joke's sake, she waited patiently till
he turned out, and then accosted him in the yard,
where he used to perform his morning walk. He was
thunderstruck at the appearance of a woman in a
place which he had hitherto kept sacred from the whole
sex, and immediately began to utter an apostrophe to
Tom Pipes, whose turn it was then to watch ; when
Mrs. Grizzle, falling on her knees before him, conjured
him, with many pathetic supplications, to hear and
grant her request, which was no sooner signified, than
he bellowed in such an outrageous manner, that the
whole court re-echoed the opprobrious term bitchy and
the word damnation^ which he repeated with surprising
volubility, without any sort of propriety or connec-
tion, and retreated into his penetralia, leaving the
baffled dfivotee in the humble posture she had so
unsuccessfully chosen to melt his obdurate heart.
Mortifying as this repulse must have been to a lady
of her stately disposition, she did not relinquish her
aim, but endeavoured to iiiterest the commodore's
counsellors and adherents in her cause. With this
view, she solicited the interest of Mr. Hatchway, who,
being highly pleased with a circumstance so productive
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 37
of mirth and diveiision, readily entered into her ^
measures, and promised to employ his whole influence
for her satisfaction ; and, as for the boatswain's mate,
he was rendered propitious by the present of a guinea,
which she slipped into his hand. In short, Mrs. Grizzle
was continually engaged in this negotiation for the
space of ten days, during which the commodore was
so incessantly pestered with her remonstrances, and
the admonitions of his associates, that he swore his
people had a design upon his life, which becoming a
burden to him, he at last complied, and was conducted
to the scene like a _vic tim to the alt ar, or rather like a
reluctant bear, when he is led to the stake amidst the ^^^
shouts and cries of butchers and their dogs. After all,
this victory was not quite so decisive as the conquerors
imagined ; for the patient being set, and the performer
prepared with a pair of pincers, a small difficulty
occurred : she could not, for some time, discern one
black hair on the whole superficies of Mr. Trunnion's
face ; w4ien Mrs. Grizzle, very much alarmed and dis-
concerted, had recourse to a magnifying-glass that
stood upon her toilet ; and after a most accurate
examination, discovered a fibre of a dusky hue, to
which the instrument being applied, Mrs. Pickle
pulled it up by the roots, to the no small discomposure
of the owner, who, feeling the smart much more
severe than he had expected, started up, and swore he
would not part with another hair to save them all from
damnation.
IMr. Hatchway exhorted him to patience and re-
signation. Mrs. Grizzle repeated her entreaties with
great humility; but, finding him deaf to all her
prayers, and absolutely bent upon leaving the house,
she clasped his knees, and begged, for the love of
God, that he would have compassion upon a distressed
.1 . „ .^ i
38 THE ADVENTURES OF
family, and endure a little more for the sake of the poor
infant, who otherwise would be born with a grey beard
upon its chin. Far from being melted, he was rather
exasperated, by this reflection: to which he replied,
with gi'eat indignation, ' D — you for a yaw-sighted
' bitch ! he'll be hanged long enough before he has any
' beard at all:' so saying, he disengaged himself from
her embraces, flung out at the door, and halted home-
wards with such surprising speed, that the lieutenant
could not overtake him until he had arrived at his
own gate ; and Mrs. Grizzle was so much affected
with his escape, that her sister, in pure compassion,
desired she would not afflict herself, protesting that
her own wish was already gratified, for she had
plucked three hairs at once, having from the begin-
ning been dubious of the commodore's patience. But
the labours of this assiduous kinswoman did not end
with the achievement of this adventure ; her eloquence
or industry was employed, without ceasing, in the per-
formance of other tasks imposed by the ingenious craft
of her sister-in-law, who, at another time, conceived
an insuppressible affection for a fricassee of frogs,
which should be the genuine natives of France ; so
that there was a necessity for despatching a messenger
on purpose to that kingdom; but, as she could not
depend upon the integrity of any common servant,
Mrs. Grizzle undertook that province, and actually set
sail in a cutter for Boulogne, whence she returned in
eight-and-forty hours with a tub full of those live
animals, which, being dressed according to art, her
sister would not taste them, on pretence that her^ of
longing was past ; but then her inclination took a
different turn, and fixed themselves upon a curious
implement belonging to a lady of quality in the neigh-
bourhood, which was reported to be a very great
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 39
curiosity; this was no other than a porcelain chamber-
pot of admirable workmanship, contrived by the
honourable owner, who kept it for her own private
use, and cherished it as an utensil of inestimable
value.
Mrs. Grizzle shuddered at the first hint she received
of her sister's desire to possess this piece of furniture,
because she knew it Avas not to be purchased; and
the lady's character, which was none of the most
amiable in point of humanity and condescension, for-
bad all hopes of borrowing it for a season; she there -
f ore, attempted to reason down this capri ^ ous appetite,
as an extraj;agaiice_ofJjiLaginat^ which ought to be
combatted and repressed ; and Mrs. Pickle, to all
appearance, was convinced and satisfied by her argu-
ments and advice; but, nevertlieless, could make use
of no other convenience, and was threatened with a
very dangerous suppression. Eoused at the peril in
which she supposed her to be, Mrs. Grizzle flew to
the lady's house, and having obtained a private
audience, disclosed the melancholy situation of her
sister, and implored the benevolence of her ladyship ;
who, contrary to expectation, received her very gra-
ciously, and consented to indulge Mrs. Pickle's long-
ing. Mr. Pickle began to be out of humour at the
expense to which he was exposed by the caprice of
his wife, who was herself alarmed at this last accident,
and, for the future, ^j gt her fancy with i n bounds ; in-
somuch, that, without being subject to any more extra-
ordinary trouble, Mrs. Grizzle reaped the long-wished
fruits of her dearest expectation in the birth of a fine
boy, whom her sister, in a few months, brought into
the world.
I shall omit the description of the rejoicings, which
were infinite on this important occasion, and only
u^
40 THE ADVENTURES OF
observe, that Mrs. Pickle's mother and aunt stood god-
mothers, and the commodore assisted at the ceremony
as godfather to the chikl, who was christened by the
name of Peregrine, in compliment to the memory of a
deceased uncle. While the mother was confined to her
bed, and incapable of maintaining her own authority,
Mrs. Grizzle took charge of the infant by a double
claim; and superintended, with surprising vigilance,
the nurse and midwife, in all particulars of their
respective offices, which were performed by her express
direction. But no sooner was Mrs. Pickle in a con-
dition to reassume the management of her own afiitiirs,
than she thought proper to alter certain regulations con-
cerning the child, which had obtained in consequence
of her sister's orders, directing, among other innova-
tions, that the bandages Avitli which the infant had
been so neatly rolled up, like an Eg^pliaiLJSIil3i3dQy->
should be loosened, and laid aside, in order to rid
\ nature of all restraint, and give the blood free scope
to circidate ; and, with her own hands, she plunged
him headlong every morning in a tub full of cold
.ii- .water. This operation seemed so barbarous to the
tender-hearted ]\Irs. Grizzle, that she not only opposed
it with all her eloquence, shedding abundance of tears
over the sacrifice when it was made, but took horse
immediately, and departed for the habitation of an
eminent country physician, whom she consulted in
these words: — 'Pray, doctor, is it not both dangerous
' and cruel to be the means of letting a poor tender
'infant perish by sousing it in water cold as ice?'
— ' Yes,' replied the doctor, ' downright murder, I
' affirm.' ' 1 see you are a person of great learning
' and sagacity,' said the other ; ' and I must beg
' you will be so good as to signify your opinion in
' your own handwiithig.' The doctor immediately
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 41
complied with lier request, and expressed himself
upon a slip of paper to this purpose: —
These are to certify whom it may concern^ that I
firmly believe.^ and it is my unalterable opinion^ that
whosoever letteth an infant 'perish^ by sousing it in cold
water^ even though the said water should not be so cold
as ice^ is^ in effect^ guilty of the murder of the said
infant^ as witness my hand^ Comfit Colycynth.
Having obtained this certificate, for which the phy-
sician was handsomely acknowledged, she returned
exulting, and hoping, with such authority, to over-
throw all opposition. Accordingly, next morning,
when her nephew was about to undergo his diurnal
baptism, she produced the commission whereby she
conceived herself empowered to overrule such inhuman
proceedings. But she was disappointed in her ex-
pectation, confident as it was; not that Mrs. Pickle
pretended to differ in opinion from Dr. Colycynth,
' for whose character and sentiment,' said she, ' I have
' such veneration, that I shall carefully observe the
' caution implied in this very certificate, by which,
' far from condemning my method of practice, he
' only asserts that killing is murder — an asseveration,
' the truth of which, it is to be hoped, I shall never
' dispute.'
Mrs. Grizzle, who, sooth to say, had rather too super-
ficially considered the clause by which she thought
herself authorized, perused the paper with more ac-
curacy, and was confounded at her own want of pene-
tration. Yet, though she was confuted, she was by no
means convinced that her objections to the cold bath
were unreasonable ; on the contrary, after having be-
stowed sundry opprobrious epithets on the physician
42 THE ADVENTURES OF
for his want of knowledge and candour, she protested
in the most earnest and solemn manner against the
pernicious practice of dipping the child — a piece of
cruelty, which, with God's assistance, she should never
suffer to be inflicted on her own issue ; and washing
her hands of the melancholy consequence that would
certainly ensue, shut herself up in her closet, to in-
dulge her sorrow and vexation. She was deceived,
however, in her prognostic ; the boy, instead of de-
clining in point of health, seemed to acquire fresh
vigour from every plunge, as if he had been resolved
to discredit the wisdom and foresight of his aunt, who,
in all probability, could never forgive him for his want
of reverence and respect, ^his conjecture is founded
upon her behaviour to him in the sequel of his infancy,
during which she was known to torture liim more than
once, when she had opportunities of thrusting jJ^ns into
his flesh, without any danger of being detectecU In a'^
word, her affections were, in a little time, altogether
alienated from this hope of her family, whom she aban-
doned to the conduct of his mother, whose province it
undoubtedly was to manage the nurture of her own
child ; while she herself resumed her operations upon
the commodore, whom she resolved, at any rate, to
captivate and enslave. And, it must be owned, that
Mrs. Grizzle's knowledge of the human heart never
shone so conspicuous as in the methods she pursued
for the accomplishment of tliis important aim.
Through the rough unpolished husk that cased the
soul of Trunnion, she could easily distinguish a lai-ge
share of that vanity and self-conceit that generally pre-
dominate even in the most savage breast ; and to this
she constantly appealed. In his presence she always
exclaimed against the craft and dishonest dissimulation
of the Avorld ; and never failed of uttering particular
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 43
invectives against those arts of chicanery, in which the
lawyers are so conversant to the prejudice and ruin of
their fellow-creatures: observing that, in a seafaring
life, so far as she had opportunities of judging or being
informed, there v/as nothing but friendship, sincerity,
and a hearty contempt for everything that was mean
or selfish.
This kind of conversation, with the assistance of
certain particular civilities, insensibly made an impres-
sion on the mind of the commodore ; and that the more
effectual, as his former prepossessions were built upon
very slender foundations : his antipathy to old maids,
which he had conceived- upon hearsay, began gradually
to diminish, when he found they were not quite such
infernal animals as they had been represented ; and it
was not long" before he was heard to observe at the
club, that Pickle's sister had not so much of the core
of bitch in her as he had imagined. This negative
compliment, by the medium of her brother, soon reached
the ears of Mrs. Gi'izzle, who, thus encouraged, re-
doubled all her arts and attention ; so that, in less than
three months after, he, in the same place, distinguished
her with the epithet of a d — sensible jade.
Hatchway, taking the alarm at this declaration, '
which he_fearc d foreboded something fiital to his in-
terest, told his commander, with a sneer, that she had
sense enough to bring liim to under her stern ; and he
did not doubt but that such an old crazy vessel would
be the better for being taken in tow. ' But, howsoever,'
added this arch adviser, ' I'd have you take care of
' your upper works ; for, if once you are made fast to
' her poop, agad ! she'll spank it away, and make every
' beam in your body crack with straiiling.' Our she-
projector's whole plan had like to have been ruined by
the effect which this malicious hint had upon Trunnion,
44 THE ADVENTURES OF
whose rage and suspicion being awakened at once, liis
colour changed from tawny to a cadaverous pale, and
then, ^shifting to a deep and dusky red, such as we
sometimes observe in the sky when it is replete with
thunder, he, after his usual preamble of unmeaning
oaths, answered in these words : ' D — ye, you jury-
' legg'd dog, you would give all the stowage in your
' hold to be as sound as I am ; and as for being taken
' in tow, d'ye 'see, I'm not so disabled but that I can
' lie my course, and perform my voyage without any
' assistance ; and, agad ! no man shall ever see Hawser
' Trunnion lagging astern in the wake of e'er a bitch
* in Christendom.'
Mrs. Grizzle, who every morning interrogated her
brother with regard to the subject of his night's con-
versation with his friends, soon received the unwelcome
news of the commodore's aversion to matrimony ; and
justly |_imputing the greatest part of his disgust to the
satirical insinuations of IMr. Hatchway, resolved to
level this obstruction to her success, and actually found
means to interest him in her scheme. She had, indeed,
on some occasions, a particular knack at making con-
verts, being probably not unacquainted with that grand
system of persuasion which is adopted by the greatest
personages of the age, as fraught with maxims much
more effectual than all the eloquence of Tully or De-
mosthenes, even when supported by the demonstrations
of truth : besides, Mr. Hatchway's fidelity to his new
ally was confirmed by his foreseeing in his captain's
marriage an infinite fund of gratification for his own
cynical disposition. Thus, therefore, converted and
properly cautioned, he, for the future, suppressed all
the virulence of his wit against the matrimonial state ;
and, as he knew not how to open his mouth in the
positive praise of any person whatever, took all oppor-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 45
tiiiiities of excepting Mrs. Grizzle by name from the
censures he liberally bestowed upon the rest of her sex.
' She is not a drunkard like Nan Castick, of Deptford,'
he would say ; ' not a nincompoop like Peg Simper, of
'• Woolwich ; not a brimstone, like Kate Coddle, of
' Chatham ; nor a shrew, like Nell Grifhn, on the Point,
' Portsmouth ' (ladies to whom, at different times, they
had both paid their addresses) ; ' but a tight, good-
' humoured, sensible wench, who knows very well
' how to box her compass ; well-trimmed aloft, and
' well-sheathed alow, with a good cargo under her
' hatches.' The commodore at first imagined this com-
mendation was ironical, but hearing it repeated again
and again, was filled with astonishment at this sur-
prising change in the lieutenant's behaviour ; and after
a long fit of musing, concluded that Hatchway himself
harboured a matrimonial design on the person of Mrs.
Grizzle.
Pleased with this conjecture, he rallied Jack in his
turn, and one night toasted her health as a compli-
ment to his passion — a circumstance which the lady
learned next day by the usual canal of her intelligence,
and interpreting it as the result of his own tenderness
for her, she congratulated herself upon the victory she
had obtained; and thinking it unnecessary to continue
the reserve she had hitherto industriously affected, re-
solved, from that day, to sweeten her behaviour to-
wards him with such a dish of affection as could not
fail to persuade him that he had inspired her with a
reciprocal flame. In consecpience of this determina-
tion, he was invited to dinner, and while he stayed,
treated with such cloving proofs of her regard, that
not only the rest of the company, but even Trunnion
himself perceived her drift; and taking the alarm,
accordingly, could not help exclaiming, ' Oho ! I see
46 THE ADVENTURES OF
' how the land lies, and if I don't weather the point,
' I'll be d — .' Having thus expressed himself to
his afflicted inamorata^ he made the best of his way to
the garrison, in which he shut himself up for the space
of ten days, and had no communication with his friends
and domestics but by looks, which were most signifi-
cantly pic turesqu e.
CHAPTER VII.
Divers stratagems are invented and put in practice^ in
order to oveixome the ohstinacy of Trunnion^ icho at
length is teazed and tortured into the noose of wedlock.
This abrupt departure and unkind declaration af-
fected Mrs. Grizzle so much, that she fell sick of
sorrow and mortification •, and after having confined
herself to her bed for three days, sent for her brother,
told him she perceived her end drawing near, and
desired that a lawyer might be brought, in order to
write her last wilL Mr, Pickle, surprised at her
demand, began to act the part of a comforter, as-
suring her that her distemper was not at all dan-
gerous, and that lie should instantly send for a
physician, who would convince her that she was in
no manner of jeopardy 5 so that there was no occasion
at present to employ an officious attorney in such a
melancholy task. Indeed, this affectionate brother
was of opinion, that a will was altogether superfluous
at any rate, as he himself was heir-at-law to his
sister's whole real and personal estate. But she in-
sisted upon his compliance with such determined
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 47
obstinacy, that lie could no longer resist her impor-
tunities ; and a scrivener arriving, she dictated and
executed her, will, in which she bequeathed to Com-
modore Trunnion one thousand pounds to purchase
a mourning-ring, which she hoped he would wear
as a pledge of her friendship and affection. Her
brother, though he did not much relish this testimony
of her love, nevertheless that same evening gave an
account of this particular to Mr. Hatchway, who
was also, as Mr. Pickle assured him, generously re-
membered by the testat rjs^
The lieutenant, fraught with this piece of intelli-
gence, Avatched for an opportunity, and as soon as
he perceived the commodore's features a little un-
bended from that ferocious contraction they had re-
tained so long, ventured to inform him that Pickle's
sister lay at the point of death, and that she had
left him a thousand pounds in her will. This piece
of news overwhelmed him with confusion, and Mr.
Hatchway, imputing his silence to remorse, resolved
to take advantage of that favourable moment, and
counselled him to go and visit the poor young woman,
who was dying for love of him. But this admonition
happened to be somewhat unseasonable ; for Trunnion
no sooner heard him mention the cause of her disorder
than, his morosity recurring, he burst out into a vio-
lent fit of cursing, and forthwith betook himself again
to his hammock, where he lay uttering, in a low growl-
ing tone of voice, a repetition of oaths and imprecations
for the space of four-and-twenty hours without ceasing.
This was a delicious meal to the lieutenant, who, eager
to enhance the pleasure of the entertainment, and at
the same time conduce to the success of the cause he
had espoused, invented a stratagem, the execution of
which had all the effect he could desire. He pre-
48 THE ADVENTURES OF
vailed upon Pipes, who was devoted to his service,
to get upon the top of the chimney belonging to the
commodore's chamber, at midnight, and to lower down
by a rope a bunch of stinking whitings, which being
performed, he put a speaking-trumpet to his mouth,
and hallooed down the vent, in a voice like thunder,
' Trunnion ! Trunnion ! turn out and be spliced, or
' lie still and be d — ,' This dreadful note, the
terror of which was increased by the silence and
darkness of the night, as well as the echo of the
passage through which it was conveyed, no sooner
reached the ears of the astonished commodore, than,
turning his eyes towards the place whence this solemn
address seemed to proceed, he beheld a glittering
object that vanished in an instant. Just as his super-
stitious fear had improved the apparition into some
supernatural messenger clothed in shining array, his
opinion was confirmed by a sudden explosion, which
he took for thunder, though it was no other than the
noise of a pistol fired down the chimney by the boat-
swain's mate, according to the instructions he had
received ; and he had time enough to descend before
he was in any danger of being detected by his com-
mander, who could not for a whole hour re-collect
himself from the amazement and consternation which
had overpowered his faculties.
p. At length, however, he got up, and rang his bell
with great agitation. He repeated the summons more
-V than once; but no regard being paid to this alarm,
his dread returned with double terror, a cold sweat
bedewed his limbs, his knees knocked together, his
hair bristled up, and the remains of his teeth were
shattered to pieces in the convulsive vibrations of his
I'aws.
' • In the midst of this agony he made one desperate
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 49
effort, and, bursting open the door of his apartment,
bolted into Hatchway's chamber, which happened to
be on the same floor. There he found the Heutenant
in a counterfeit swoon, who pretended to awake from
his trance in an ejaculation of ' Lord, have mercy
' upon us !' And being questioned by the terrified
commodore with regard to what had happened, as-
sured him he had heard the same voice and clap of
thunder by which Trunnion himself had been dis-
composed.
Pipes, whose turn it was to watch, concurred in
giving evidence to the same purpose ; and the com-
modore not only owned that he had heard the voice,
but likewise communicated his vision, with all the
aggravation which his disturbed fancy suggested.
A consultation immediately ensued, in which Mr.
Hatchway very gravely observed, that the finger of
God was plainly perceivable in those signals ; and
that it would be both sinful and foolish to disregard
his commands, especially as the match proposed was,
in all respects, more advantageous than any that one
of his years and infirmities could reasonably expect ;
declaring that, for his own part, he would not en-
danger his soul and body by living one day longer
under the same roof with a man who despised the
holy will of Heaven; and Tom Pipes adhered to the
same pious resolution.
Trunnion's perseverance could not resist the number
and diversity of considerations that assaulted it ; he
revolved in silence all the opposite motives that oc-
curred to his reflection ; and after having been, to all
appearance, bewildered in the labyrinth of his own
thoughts, he wiped the sweat from his forehead, and
heaving a piteous groan, yielded to their remonstrances
in these words : ' Well, since it must be so, I think
VOL. III. 4
50 THE ADVENTURES OF
' we must e'en grapple. But, d — my eyes ! 'tis a
' cl — hard case, that a fellow of my years should be
' compelled, d'ye see, to beat up to windward all the
' rest of my life against the current of my own incli-
' nation.'
This important article being discussed, Mr. Hatch-
way set out in the morning to visit the despairing
shepherdess, and was handsomely rewarded for the
enlivening tidings with which he blessed her ears.
Sick as she was, she could not help laughing heartily
at the contrivance, in consequence of which her swain's
consent had been obtained, and gave the lieutenant ten
guineas for Tom Pipes, in consideration of the part he
acted in the farce.
In the afternoon the commodore suffered liimself
to be conveyed to her apartment, like a felon to exe-
cution, and was received by her in a languishing
manner and genteel dishabille, accompanied by her
sister-in-law, who was, for very obvious reasons,
extremely solicitous about her success. Though the
lieutenant had tutored him touching his behaviour
at this interview, he made a thousand wry faces before
he could pronounce the simple salutation, ' How d'ye ?'
to his mistress ; and after his counsellor had urged
him with twenty or thirty whispers, to each of which
he replied aloud, ' D — your eyes, I won't,' he got
up, and halting towards the couch on which Mrs.
Grizzle reclined in a state of strange expectation, he
seized her hand and pressed it to his lips ; but this
piece of gallantry he performed in such a reluctant,
uncouth, indignant manner, that the nymph had need
of all her resolution to endure the compliment without
shrinking ; and he himself was so disconcerted at what
he had done, that he instantly retired to the other end
of the room, where he sat silent, and broiled with
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 51
flame and vexation. Mrs. Pickle, like a sensible
matron, quitted the place, on pretence of going to
the nursery ; and Mr. Hatchway, taking the hint,
recollected that he had left his tobacco-pouch in the
parlom', whither he immediately descended, leaving
the two lovers in their mutual endearments. Never
had the commodore found himself in such a dis-
agreeable dilemma before. He sat in an agony of
suspense, as if he every moment dreaded the disso-
lution of nature ; and the imploring sighs of his ftiture
bride, added, if possible, to the pangs of his distress.
Impatient of his situation, he rolled his eye round in
quest of some relief, and unable to contain himself,
exclaimed, ' D seize the fellow, and his pouch
' too ! I believe he has sheered off and left me here
' in the stays.' Mrs. Grizzle, who could not help
taking some notice of this manifestation of chagrin,
lamented her unhappy fate in being so disagreeable
to him, that he could not put up with her company
for a few moments without repining; and began in
very tender terms to reproach him with inhumanity
and indifference. To this expostulation he replied,
' Zounds, what would the woman have ! Let the
' parson do his office when he wool ; here I am
' ready to be reeved in the matrimonial block, d'ye
' see, and d — all nonsensical palaver.' So saying,
he retreated, leaving his mistress not at all disobliged
at his plain-dealing. That same evening the treaty
of marriage was brought upon the carpet, and, by
means of Mr. Pickle and the lieutenant, settled to the
satisfaction of all parties, without the intervention of
lawyers, whom Mr. Trunnion expressly excluded from
all share in the business, making that condition the
indispensable preliminary of the whole agreement.
Things being brought to this bearing, Mrs. Grizzle's
4—2
52 THE ADVENTURES OF
heart dilated with joy ; her health, which, hy-the-bye,
was never dangerously impaired, she recovered as if
by enchantment, and a day being fixed for the nup-
tials, employed the short period of her celibacy in
choosing the ornaments for the celebration of her
entrance into the married state.
CHAPTER VIII.
Preparations are made for the commodore s wedding^
loMch is delayed hy an accident that hurried him the
Lord hnoios lohither.
The fame of this extraordinary conjunction spread all
over the county ; and on the day appointed for their
spousals, the church was surrounded by an inconceiv-
able multitude. The commodore, to give a specimen
of his gallantry, by the advice of his friend Hatchway,
resolved to appear on horseback on the grand occasion,
at the head of all his male attendants, whom he had
rigged with the white shirts and black caps formerly
belonging to his barge's crew ; and he bought a couple
of hunters for the accommodation of himself and his
lieutenant. With this equipage then he set out from
the garrison for the church, after having despatched a
messenger to apprise the bride that he and his company
were mounted. She got immediately into the coacli,
accompanied by her brother and his wife, and drove
directly to the place of assignation, where several pews
were demolished, and divers persons almost pressed to
death, by the eagerness of the crowd that broke in to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 53
see tlie ceremony performed. Thus arrived at the altar,
and the priest in attendance, they waited a whole
half-hom' for the commodore, at whose slowness they
began to be mider some apprehension, and accordingly
dismissed a servant to quicken his pace. The valet
having rode something more than a mile, espied the
whole troop disposed in a long field, crossing the road
obliquely, and headed by the bridegroom and his friend
Hatchway, who, finding himself hindered by a hedge
from proceeding farther in the same direction, fired a
pistol, and stood over to the other side, making an
obtuse angle mth the line of his former course ; and
the rest of the squadron followed his example, keeping
always in the rear of each other, like a flight of wild
geese.
Surprised at this strange method of journeying, the
messenger came up, and told the commodore that his
lady and her company expected him in the church,
where they had tarried a considerable time, and were
beginning to be very uneasy at his delay ; and therefore
desired he would proceed with more expedition. To
this message Mr. Trunnion replied, ' Hark ye, brother,
' don't you see we make all possible speed ? Go back
' and tell those who sent you, that the wind has shifted
' since we weighed anchor, and that we are obliged to
' make very short trips in tacking, by reason of the
' narrowness of the channel ; and that, as we lie within
' six points of the wind, they must make some allow-
' ance for variation and leeway.' — ' Lord, sir ! ' said
the valet, ' what occasion have you to go zigzag in tliat
' manner ? Do but clap spurs to your horses, and ride
' straight forward, and I'll engage you shall be at the
' church porch in less than a quarter of an hour.'
' What! right in the wind's eye?' answered the com-
mander ; ' alley, brother, where did you learn your
54 THE ADVENTURES OF
' navigation ? Hawser Trunnion is not to be taught at
' this time of day how to lie his course, or keep his
' own reckoning. And as for you, brother, you best
* know the trim of your own frigate.' The courier
finding he had to do with people who would not be
easily persuaded out of their own opinions, returned to
the temple, and made a report of what he had seen
and heard, to the no small consolation of the bride,
who had begun to discover some signs of disquiet.
Composed, however, by this piece of intelligence, she
exerted her patience for the space of another half-hour,
during which period, seeing no bridegroom arrive, she
was exceedingly alarmed; so that all the spectators
could easily perceive her perturbation, which mani-
fested itself in frequent palpitations, heart-heavings,
and alterations of countenance, in spite of the assist-
ance of a smelling-bottle which she incessantly
applied to her nostrils.
Various were the conjectures of the company on this
occasion. Some imagined he had mistaken the place
of rendezvous, as he had never been at church since he
first settled in that parish ; others believed he had met
with some accident, in consequence of which his at-
tendants had carried him back to his own house; a
third set, in which the bride herself was thought to be
comprehended, could not help suspecting that the
commodore had changed his mind. But all these
suppositions, ingenious as they Avere, happened to be
Avide of the true cause that detained him ; which was
no other than this : The commodore and his crew had,
by dint of turning, almost weathered the parson's house
that stood to windward of the church, when the notes
of a pack of hounds unluckily reached the ears of the
two hunters which Trunnion and the lieutenant be-
strode. These fleet animals no sooner heard the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 55
enlivening sound, than, eager for the chase, they
sprang away all on a sudden, and strained every nerve
to partake of the sport, flew across the fields with
incredible speed, overleaped hedges and ditches, and
everything in their way, without the least regard to
their unfortunate riders. The lieutenant, whose steed
had got the heels of the other, finding it would be
great folly and presumption in him to pretend to keep
the saddle with his wooden leg, very wisely took the
opportunity of throwing himself off in his passage
through a field of rich clover, among which he lay
at his ease; and seeing his captain advance at full
gallop, hailed him with the salutation of ' What cheer,
* ho ! ' The commodore, who was in infinite distress,
eyeing him askance as he passed, replied, mth a fal-
tering voice, ' d — you ! you are safe at anchor ;
* I wish to God I were as fast moored.' Nevertheless,
conscious of his disabled heel, he would not venture to
try the experiment which had succeeded so well with
Hatchway, but resolved to stick as close as possible to
his horse's back, until providence should interpose in
his behalf. With this view he dropped his whip, and
with his right hand laid fast hold on the pommel,
contracting every muscle in his body to secure himself
in the seat, and grinning most formidably, in conse-
quence of this exertion. In this attitude he was
hurried on a considerable way, when all on a sudden
his view was comforted by a five-bar gate that ap-
peared before him, as he never doubted that there the
career of his hunter must necessarily end. But, alas !
he reckoned without his host ; far from halting at this
obstruction, the horse sprang over it with amazing
agility, to the utter confusion and disorder of his
owner, who lost his hat and periwig in the leap, and
now began to think, in good earnest, that he was
56 THE ADVENTURES OF
actually mounted on the back of the devil. He
recommended himself to God, his reflection forsook
liim, his eyesight and all his other faculties failed, he
quitted the reins, and fastening by instinct on the
mane, was in this condition conveyed into the midst
of the sportsmen, who were astonished at the sight of
such an apparition. Neither was their surprise to be
wondered at, if we reflect on the figure that presented
itself to their view. The commodore's person was at
all times an object of admiration; much more so on
this occasion, when every singularity was aggravated
by the circumstances of his dress and disaster.
He had put on, in honour of his nuptials, his best
coat of blue broadcloth, cut by a tailor at Kamsgate,
and trimmed with five dozen of brass buttons, large
and small ; his breeches were of the same piece,
fastened at the knees with large bunches of tape ; his
waistcoat was of red plush, lapelled with green velvet,
and garnished with vellum holes; his boots bore an
infinite ]-esemblance, both in colour and shape, to a
pair of leather buckets ; his shoulder was graced with a
broad buff belt, whence depended a huge hanger with
a hilt like that of a back-sword ; and on each side of
his pommel appeared a rusty pistol rammed in a case
covered with a bearskin. The loss of his tie-periwig
and laced hat, which were curiosities of the kind, did
not at all contribute to the improvement of the picture,
but, on the contrary, by exhibiting his bald pate, and
the natural extension of his lantern jaws, added to the
peculiarity and extravagance of the whole. Such a
spectacle could not have failed of diverting the whole
company from the chase, had his horse thought proper
to pursue a different route, but the beast was too keen
a sporter to choose any other way than that which the
stag followed ; and there, without stopping to gratify
PEREGRINE PICKLE. hi
tlie curiosity of the spectators, he in a few minutes
outstripped every hunter in the field. There being a
deep hollow way betwixt him and the hounds, rather
tlian ride round, about the length of a furlong, to a
path that crossed the lane, he transported himself at
one jump, to the unspeakable astonishment and terror
of a wa2:a'oner who chanced to be underneath, and saw
this phenomenon fly over his carriage. This was not
the only adventure he achieved. The stag having
taken a deep river that lay in his way, every man
directed his course to a bridge in the neighbourhood ;
but our bridegroom's courser, despising all such in-
conveniences, plunged into the stream without hesi-
tation, and swam in a twinkling to the opposite shore.
The sudden immersion into an element of which
Trunnion was properly a native, in all probability,
helped to recruit the exhausted spirits of his rider, who
at his landing on the other side gave some tokens of
sensation, by hallooing aloud for assistance, which he
could not possibly receive, because his horse still
maintained the advantage he had gained, and would
not allow himself to be overtaken.
In short, after a long chase that lasted several hours,
and extended to a dozen miles at least, he was the first
in at the death of the deer, being seconded by the
lieutenant's gelding, which, actuated by the same
spirit, had, without a rider, followed his companion's
example.
Our bridegroom, finding himself at last brought up,
or, in other words, at the end of his career, took the
opportunity of this first pause to desire the huntsman
would lend him a hand in dismounting ; and was by
their condescension safely placed on the grass, where
he sat staring at the company as they came in, with
such wildness of astonishment in his looks, as if he
58 THE ADVENTURES OF
had been a creature of another species, dropped among
them from the clouds.
Before they had fleshed the hounds, however, he
recollected himself, and seeing one of the sportsmen
take a small flask out of his pocket and apply it to
his mouth, judged the cordial to be no other than neat
Cogniac, which it really was ! and expressing a desire
of participation, was immediately accommodated with a
moderate dose, which perfectly completed his recovery.
By this time he and his horses had engrossed the
attention of the whole crowd; while some admired
the elegant proportion and uncommon spirit of the
two animals, the rest contemplated the surprising
appearance of their master, whom before they had
only seen en passant ; and at length, one of the gentle-
men, accosting him very courteously, signified his
wonder at seeing him in such an equipage, and asked
if he had not dropped his companion by the way.
' Why, look ye, brother,' replied the commodore,
' mayhap you may think me an odd sort of a fellow
' seeing me in this trim, especially as I have lost part
' of my rigging ; but this here is the case, d'ye see ;
' I weighed anchor from my own house this morning
' at ten a.m. with fair weather, and a favourable breeze
' at south-east, being bound to the next church on
' the voyage of matrimony ; but, howsomever, we had
' not run down a quarter of a league, when the wind,
' shifting, blowed directly in our teeth; so that we
' were forced to tack all the way, d'ye see, and had
' almost beat up within sight of the port, when these
' sons of bitches of horses, which I had bought but
' two days before (for my own part, I believe they
' are devils incarnate), luffed round in a trice, and
' then, refusing the lielm, drove away like lightning
' with me and my lieutenant, who soon came to anchor
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 69
' in an exceeding good berth. As for my own part,
' I have been carried over rocks, and flats, and quick-
' sands ; among which I have pitched away a special
' good tie-perriwig, and an iron-bound hat; and at
* last, thank God ! am got into smooth water and
' safe riding: but if ever I venture my carcass upon
' such a hare'um scare'um blood of a bitch again, my
* name is not Hawser Trunnion, d — my eyes ! '
One of the company, struck with this name, which
he had often heard, immediately laid hold on this
declaration at the close of this singular account ; and
observing that his horses were very vicious, asked
how he intended to return ? ' As for that matter,'
replied Mr. Trunnion, ' I am resolved to hire a sledge
' or waggon, or such a thing as a jackass; for I'll be
* d — if ever I cross the back of a horse again.'
' And what do you propose to do with these creatures ? '
said the other, pointing to the hunters ; ' they seem
' to have some mettle ; but they are mere colts, and
* will take the devil and all of breaking. Methinks this
' hinder one is shoulder-slipped.' ' D — them,' cried
the commodore, ' I wish both their necks were broke,
' th'of the two cost me forty good yellow boys.'
' Forty guineas ! ' exclaimed the stranger, who was
a squire and a jockey as well as owner of the pack,
' Lord ! Lord ! how a man may be imposed upon !
' Why, these cattle are clumsy enough to go to plough.
' Mind what a flat counter ; do but observe how sharp
' this here one is in the withers ; then he's fired in
' the farther fetlock.' In short, this connoisseur in
horse-flesh, having discovered in them all the defects
can possibly be found in that species of animals,
offered to give him ten guineas for the two, saying
he would convert them into beasts of burden. The
owner, who (after what had happened) was very well
60 THE ADVENTURES OF
disposed to listen to anything that was said to their
prejudice, implicitly believed the truth of the stranger's
asseverations, discharged a furious volley of oaths
against the rascal who had taken him in, and forth-
with struck a bargain with the squire, who paid him
instantly for his purchase; in consequence of which
he won the plate at the next Canterbury Eaces.
This affair being transacted to the mutual satis-
faction of both parties, as well as the general enter-
tainment of the company, who laughed in their sleeves
at the dexterity of their friend, Trunnion Avas set
upon the squire's own horse, and led by his servant
in the midst of this cavalcade, which proceeded to
a neighbouring village, where they had bespoke a
dinner, and where our bridegi'oom found means to
provide himself with another hat and wig. With
regard to his marriage, he bore his disappointment
with the temper of a philosopher ; and the exercise
he had undergone having quickened his appetite, sat
down at table in the midst of his new acquaintance,
making a very hearty meal, and moistening every
morsel with a draught of the ale, which he found
very much to his satisfaction.
CHAPTER IX.
He is found by the lieutenant; reconducted to his own
house; married to Mrs. Grizzle^ icho meets loith a
small misfortune in the nighty and asserts her pre-
rogative next morning ; in conseque?ice of lohich her
husband's eye is endangered.
Meanwhile Lieutenant Hatchway made a shift to
hobble to the church, where he informed the company
PEREGRINE PICKLE. Gl
of what had happened to the commodore; and the
bride behaved with great decency on the occasion;
for, as soon as she understood the danger to which her
future husband was exposed, she fainted in the arms
of her sister-in-law, to the surprise of all the spectators,
who coidd not comprehend the cause of her disorder ;
and when she recovered by the application of smelling-
bottles, earnestly begged that Mr. Hatchway and Tom-
Pipes would take her brother's coach and go in quest
of their commander.
This task they readily undertook, being escorted
by all the rest of his adherents on horseback ; while
the bride and her friends were invited to the parson's
house, and the ceremony deferred till another occasion.
The lieutenant, steering his course as near the line
of direction in which Trunnion went off as the coach-
road would permit, got intelligence of his track from
one farm-house to another, for such an apparition
could not fail of attracting particular notice; and one
of the horsemen having picked up his hat and wig in
a bye path, the whole troop entered the village where
he was lodged about four o'clock in the afternoon.
When they understood he was safely housed at the
' George,' they rode up to the door in a body, and ex-
pressed their satisfaction in three cheers ; which were
returned by the company within as soon as they were
instructed in the natureof the salute by Trunnion, who
by this time had entered into all the jollity of his new
friends, and was indeed more than half-seas-over.
The lieutenant Avas introduced to all present as his
sworn brother, and had something tossed up for his
dinner. Tom Pipes and the crew were regaled in
another room ; and a fresli pair of horses being put
to the coach, about six in the evening the commodore,
with all his attendants, departed for the garrison, after
62 THE ADVENTURES OF
having shaken hands with every individual in the
house.
Without any farther accident he was conveyed in
safety to his own gate before nine, and committed to
the care of Pipes, who carried him instantly to his
hammock, while the lieutenant was driven away to the
place where the bride and her friends remained in
great anxiety, which vanished when he assured them
that his commodore was safe, being succeeded by
abundance of mirth and pleasantry at the account he
gave of Trunnion's adventure.
Another day was fixed for the nuptials; and in
order to baulk the curiosity of idle people which had
given great offence, the parson was prevailed upon to
perform the ceremony in the garrison, which all that
day was adorned with flags and pendants displayed,
and at night illuminated by the direction of Hatchway,
who also ordered the patereroes to be fired as soon
as the marriage-knot was tied. Neither was the other
parts of the entertainment neglected by this ingenious
contriver, who produced undeniable proofs of his
elegance and art in the wedding-supper, which had
been committed to his management and direction.
This genial banquet was entirely composed of sea-
dishes; a huge pillaw, consisting of a large piece ot
beef sliced, a couple of fowls, and half a peck of rice,
smoked in the middle of the board; a dish of hard
fish, swimming in oil, appeared at each end, the sides
being furnished with a mess of that savoury com-
position know by the name of lob'scouse, and a plate
of salmagundy. The second course displayed a goose
of a monstrous magnitude, flanked with two Guinea
hens, a pig barbacued, a hock of salt pork in the midst
of a peas-pudding, a leg of mutton roasted, with pota-
toes, and another boiled, with yams. The third service
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 63
was made up of a loin of fresh pork witli apple-sauce,
a kid smothered with onions, and a terrapin baked
in the shell ; and, last of all, a prodigious sea-pie was
presented, with an infinite volume of pancakes and frit-
ters. That everything might be answerable to the mag-
nificence of this delicate feast, he had provided vast
quantities of strong beer, flip, rumbo, and burnt
brandy, with plenty of Barbadoes water for the ladies ;
and hired all the fiddles within six miles, who, with
the addition of a drum, bag-pipe, and Welsli harp,
regaled the guests with a most melodious concert.
The company, who were not at all exceptions,
seemed extremely well pleased with every particular
of the entertainment; and the evening being spent
in the most social manner, the bride was by her sister
conducted to her apartment, where, however, a trifling
circumstance had like to have destroyed the harmony
which had been hitherto maintained.
I have already observed, that here was not one
standing bed within the walls ; therefore, the reader
will not wonder that Mrs. Trunnion was out of
humour when she found herself under the necessity
of being confined with her spouse in a hammock, y
which, though enlarged with a double portion of
canvas, and dilated with a yoke for the occasion, was,
at best, but a disagreeable, not to say dangerous,
situation. She accordingly complained, with some
warmth, of this inconvenience, which she imputed to
disrespect, and, at first, absolutely refused to put up
with the expedient ; but Mrs. Pickle soon brought her
to reason and compliance, by observing that one night
would soon be elapsed, and -next day she might re-
gulate her own economy.
Thus persuaded, she ventured into the vehicle, and
was visited by her husband in less than an hour, the
64 THE ADVENTURES OF
company being departed to their own homes, and the
garrison left to the command of his lieutenant and
mate. But, it seems, the hooks that supported this
swinging couch were not calculated for the addition
of weight which they were now destined to bear; and
therefore gave way, in the middle of the night, to the
no small terror of Mrs. Trunnion, who, perceiving her-
self falling, screamed aloud, and, by that exclamation,
brought Hatchway, with a light, into the chamber.
Though she had received no injury by the fall, she
was extremely discomposed and incensed at the acci-
dent, which she even openly ascribed to the obstinacy
and whimsical oddity of the commodore in such petu-
lant terms as evidently declared that she thought her
great aim accomplished, and her authority secured
against all the shocks of fortune. Indeed, her bed-
fellow seemed to be of the same opinion, by his tacit
resignation; for he made no reply to her insinuations,
but, with a most vinegar aspect, crawled out of his
nest, and betook himself to rest in another apartment,
while his irritated spouse dismissed the lieutenant, and
from the wreck of the hammock made an occasional
bed for herself on the floor, fully determined to provide
better accommodation for the next nio-ht's lodo'ino;.
Having no inclination to sleep, her thoughts during
the remaining part of the night were engrossed by a
scheme of reformation she had resolved to execute in
the family; and no sooner did the first lark bid saluta-
tion to the morn than, starting from her humble couch,
and huddling on her clothes, she sallied from her
chamber, explored her way through paths before un-
known, and in the course of her researches perceived
a large bell, to which she made such effectual applica-
tion as alarmed every soul in the family. In a moment
she was surrounded by Hatchway, Pipes, and all the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. Go
rest of the servants, half-dressed ; but seeing none of
the feminme gender appear, she began to storm at the
sloth and laziness of the maids, who, she observed,
ought to have been at work an hour at least before
she called; and then, for the first time, understood
that no woman was permitted to sleep within the
walls.
She did not fail to exclaim against this regulation;
and being informed that the cook and the chamber-
maid lodged in a small office-house that stood without
the gate, ordered the drawbridge to be let down, and,
in person, beat up their quarters, commanding them
forthwith to set about scouring the rooms, which had
not hitherto been kept in a very decent condition,
while two men were immediately employed to trans-
port the bed, on which she used to lie, from her
brother's house to her new habitation; so that, in
less than two hours, the whole economy of the
garrison was turned topsy-turvy, and everything in-
volved in tumult and noise. Trunnion, being dis-
turbed and distracted with the uproar, turned out in
his shirt, like a maniac, and arming himself with a
cudgel of ci:aJ^>=±i:e^, made an irruption into his wife's
apartment, where, perceiving a couple of carpenters
at work, in joining a bedstead, he, with many dreadful
oaths and opprobrious invectives, ordered them to
desist, swearing he would suffer no bulk-heads nor
hurricane-houses to stand where he was master ; but
finding his remonstrances disregarded by these me-
chanics, who believed him to be som e madman b elong-
ing to the family who had broke from his confinement,
he assaulted them both with great fury and indignation,
and was handled so roughly in the encounter, that
in a very short time he measured his length on the
floor, in consequence of a blow he received from a
VOL. III. 5
Q6 THE ADVENTUliES OF
hammer, by which the sight of his remaining eye was
grievously endangered.
Having thus reduced him to a state of subjection,
they resolved to secm-e him with cords, and were
actually busy in adjusting his fetters, when he was
exempted from the disgrace by the accidental entrance
of his spouse, who rescued him from the hands of his
adversaries, and in the midst of her condolence,
imputed his misfortune to the inconsiderate roughness
of his own disposition.
He breathed nothing but reven ge, and made some
efforts to chastise the insolence of the workmen, who,
as soon as they understood his quality, asked forgive-
ness for what they had done with great humility, pro-
testing that they did not know he was master of the
house. But, far from being satisfied with this apology,
he groped about for the bell (the inflammation of his
eye having utterly deprived him of sight), and the rope
being, by the precaution of the delinquents, conveyed
out of his reach, began to storm with incredible vocife-
ration, like a lion roaring in the toil, pouring forth
innumerable oaths and execrations, and calling by
name Hatchway and Pipes, who, being within hear-
ing, obeyed the extraordinary summons, and were
ordered to put the carpenters in irons for having
audaciously assaulted him in his own house.
His myrmidons, seeing he had been evil-intreated,
were exasperated at the insult he had suffered, which
they considered as an affront upon the dignity of the
garrison; the more so, as the mutineers seemed to
put themselves in a posture of defence, and set their
authority at defiance : they therefore unsheathed their
cutlasses, which they commonly wore as badges of
their commission ; and a desperate engagement, in all
probability, would have ensued, had not the lady of
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 67
the castle interposed, and prevented tlie effects of tlieir
animosity, by assuring the lieutenant that the com-
modore had been the aggressor, and that the workmen,
finding themselves attacked in such an extraordinary
manner by a person whom they did not know, were
obliged to act in their own defence, by which he had
received that unlucky contusion.
Mr. Hatchway no sooner learnt the sentiments of
Mrs. Trunnion than, sheathing his indignation, he told
the commodore he should always be ready to execute
his lawful commands ; but that he could not, in con-
science, be concerned in oppressing poor people, who
had been guilty of no offence.
This unexpected declaration, together with the
behaviom' of his wife, who, in his hearing, desired the
carpenters to resume their work, filled the breast of
Trunnion with rage and mortification. He pulled off
his woollen night-cap, pummelled his bare pate, beat
the floor alternately with his feet, swore his people had
betrayed him, and cursed himself to the lowest pit of
hell, for having admitted such a cockatrice into his
family. But all these exclamations did not avail; they
were among the last essays of his resistance to the
will of his wife, whose influence among his adherents
had already swallowed up his own; and who now
peremptorily told him that he must leave the manage-
ment of everything within doors to her, who under-
stood best what was for his honour and advantage.
She then ordered a poultice to be prepared for his eye,
which being applied, he was committed to the care of
Pipes, by whom he was led about the house like a
blind bear growling for prey, while his industrious
yoke-fellow executed every circumstance of the plan
she had projected; so 'that, when he recovered his
vision, he was an utter stranger in his own house.
5—2
68 THK ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER X.
The commodore being in some cases restive^ his lady has
recourse to artifice in the estahlishment of her throne ;
she exhibits symptoms of pregnancy^ to the unspeakable
joy of Trunnion^ who nevertheless is baulked in his
expectation.
These innovations were not effected without many
loud objections on his part; and divers curious dia-
logues passed between him and his yoke-fellow, who
always came off victorious from the dispute, insomuch
that his countenance gradually fell ; he began to sup-
press, and at length entirely devoured, his chagrin ;
the terrors of superior authority were plainly perceiv-
able in his features, and, in less than three months, he
became a thorough-paced husband. Not that his
obstinacy was extinguished, though overcome ; in some
things he was as inflexible and mulish as ever ; but
then he durst not kick so openly, and was reduced to
the necessity of being passive in his resentments.
Mrs. Trunnion, for example, proposed that a coach-and-
six should be purchased, as she could not ride on horse-
back, and the chaise was a scandalous carriage for a
person of her condition ; the commodore, conscious
of his own inferior capacity in point of reasoning, did
not think proper to dispute the proposal, but lent a
deaf ear to her repeated remonstrances, though they
were enforced with every argument which she thought
could soothe, terrify, shame, or decoy him into com-
pliance. In vain did she urge the excess of affection
she had for him as meriting some return of tenderness
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 69
and condescension ; he was even proof against certain
menacing hints she gave, touching the resentment of a
slighted woman ; and he stood out against all the con-
siderations of dignity or disgrace, like a bulwark of
brass. Neither was he moved to any indecent or
unkind expressions of contradiction, even when she
upbraided him with his sordid disposition, and put
him in mind of the fortune and honour he had acquired
by his marriage, but seemed to retire within himself,
like a tortoise when attacked, that shrinks within its
shell, and silently endured the scourge of her re-
proaches, without seeming sensible of the smart.
This, however, was the only point in which she had
been baffled since her nuptials ; and as she could by no
means digest the miscarriage, she tortured her inven-
tion for some new plan, by which she might augment
her influence and authority ; what her genius refused
was supplied by accident ; for she had not lived four
months in the garrison, when she was seized with
frequent qualms and reachings, her breasts began to
harden, and her stomach to be remarkably prominent:
in a word, she congratulated herself on the symptoms
of her own fertility, and the commodore was trans-
ported with joy at the prospect of an heir of his own
begetting.
She knew this was the proper season for vindicating
her own sovereignty, arid, accordingly, employed the
means which nature had put in her power. There was
not a rare piece of furniture and apparel for which
she did not long ; and one day, as she went to church,
seeing Lady Stately's equipage arrive, she suddenly
fainted away. Her husband, whose vanity had never
been so perfectly gratified as with this promised
harvest of his own sowing, took the alarm immediately,
and, in order to prevent relapses of that kind, wliich
70 THE ADVENTURES OF
might be attended with fatal consequences to his hope,
gave her leave to bespeak a coach, horses, and liveries,
to her own liking. Thus authorized, she in a very-
little time exhibited such a specimen of her own taste
and magnificence as afforded speculation to the whole
county, and made Trunnion's heart quake within him,
because he foresaw no limits to her extravagance,
which also manifested itself in the most expensive
preparations for her lying-in.
Her pride, which had hitherto regarded the repre-
sentative of her father's house, seemed now to lose all
that hereditar}^ respect, and to prompt her to outshine
and undervalue the elder branch of her family. She
behaved to Mrs. Pickle with a sort of civil reserve that
implied a conscious superiority, and an emulation in
point of grandeur immediately commenced between
the two sisters. She every day communicated her im-
portance to the whole parish under pretence of taking
the air in her coach, and endeavoured to extend her
acquaintance among people of fashion. Nor was this
an undertaking attended with great difficulty ; for, all
persons whatever, capable of maintaining a certain
appearance, will always find admission into what is
called the best company, and be rated, in point of
character, according to their own valuation, without
subjecting their pretensions to the smallest doubt or
examination. In all her visits and parties she seized
every opportunity of declaring her present condition,
observing that she was forbidden by her physicians to
taste such a pickle, and that such a dish was poison to
a woman m her way ; nay, where she was on a footing
of familiarity, she affected to make wry faces, and
complained that the young rogue began to be very
unruly, writhing herself into divers contortions, as if
she had been grievously mcommoded by the mettle of
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 71
this future Trunnion. The husband himself did not
behave with all the moderation that might have been
expected ; at the club he frequently mentioned this
circumstance of his own vigour as a pretty successful
feat to be performed by an old fellow of fifty-fiv e, and
confirmed the opinion of his strength by redoubled
squeezes of the landlord's hand, which never failed of
extorting a satisfactory certificate of his might. When
his companions drank to the Hans en helder^ or Jack
in the low cellar, he could not help displaying an ex-
traordinary complacence of countenance, and signified
his intention of sending the young dog to sea as soon
as he should be able to carry a cartridge, in hopes of
seeing him an of&cer before his own death.
This hope helped to console him under the extra-
ordinary expense to which he was exposed by the
profusion of his wife, especially when he considered
that his compliance with her prodigality would be
limited to the expiration of the nine months, of which
the best part was, by this time, elapsed ; yet, in spite
of all this philosophical resignation, her fancy some-
times soared to such a ridiculous and intolerable pitch
of insolence and absurdity, that his temper forsook
him, and he could not help wishing in secret that
her pride might be confounded in the dissipation of
her most flattering hopes, even though he himself
should be a principal sufferer by her disappointment.
These, however, were no other than the suggestions
of temporary disgusts, that commonly subsided as sud-
denly as they arose, and never gave the least disturb-
ance to the person who inspired them, because he took
care to conceal them carefully from her knowledge.
Meanwhile, she happily advanced in her reckoning,
with the promise of a favourable issue; the term of
her computation expired, and in the middle of the
72 THE ADVENTURES OF
night she was visited by certain warnings that seemed
to bespeak the approach of the critical moment. The
commodore got up with great alacrity, and called the
midwife, who had been several days in the house •, the
gossips were immediately summoned, and the most
interesting expectations prevailed; but the symptoms
of labour gradually vanished, and the matrons sagely
observed, this was no more than a false alarm.
Two nights after, they received a second intima-
tion, and as she was sensibly diminished in the waist,
everything was supposed to be in a fair way ; yet this
visitation was not more conclusive than the former;
her pains wore off in spite of all her endeavours to
encourage them, and the good women betook them-
selves to their respective homes, in expectation of
finding the third attack decisive, alluding to the well-
known maxim, that numher three is always fortunate.
For once, however, this apothegm failed; the next
call was altogether as ineffectual as the former ; and,
moreover, attended with a phenomenon which to them
was equally strange and inexplicable : this was no
other than such a reduction in the size of Mrs. Trun-
nion as might have been expected after the birth of
a full-grown child. Startled at such an unaccount-
able event, they sat in close divan ; and concluding
that the case was, in all respects, unnatural and pro-
digious, desired that a messenger might be immediately
despatched for some male practitioner in the art of
midwifery.
The commodore, without guessing the cause of their
pei'plexity, ordered Pipes immediately on this piece
of duty ; and in less than two hours they were assisted
by the advice of a surgeon of the neighbourhood, who
boldly affirmed that the patient had never been with
child. This asseveration was like a clap of thunder
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 73
to Mr. Trunnion, who had been durmg eight whole
days and nights in continual expectation of being
hailed with the appellation of father.
After some recollection, he swore the surgeon was
an ignorant fellow, and that he would not take his
word for what he advanced, being comforted and
confirmed in his want of faith by the insinuations of
the midwife, who still persisted to feed Mrs. Trunnion
with hopes of a speedy and safe delivery; observing
that she had been concerned in many a case of the
same nature, where a fine child was found, even after
all signs of the mother's pregnancy had disappeared.
Every twig of hope, how slender soever it may be,
is easily caught hold on by people who find them-
selves in danger of being disappointed. To every
question proposed by her to the lady with the pre-
ambles of ' Han't you ? ' or ' Don't you ? ' an answer
was made in the affirmative, whether agreeable to
truth or not, because the respondent could not find
in her heart to disown any symptom that might favour
the notion she had so long indulged.
This experienced proficient in the obstetric art was
therefore kept in close attendance for the space of
three weeks, during which the patient had several
returns of what she pleased herself with believing to
be labour-pains, till _ at length _she_and hp.r Im.qbfl.nri
became t he s tanding joke of the paris h ; and this
infatuated couple could scarce be prevailed upon to
part with their hopes, even when she appeared as
lank as a greyhound, and they were furnished with
other unquestionable proofs of their having been de-
ceived. But they could not for ever remain under
the influence of this sweet delusion, which at last
faded away, and was succeeded by a paroxysm of
shame and confusion that kept the husband within
74 THE ADVENTURES OF
doors for the space of a whole fortnight, and confined
his lady to her bed for a series of weeks, during
which she suffered all the anguish of the most intense
mortification ; yet even this was subdued by the lenient
hand of time.
The first respite from her chagrin was employed
in the strict discharge of what are called the duties
of religion, which she performed with the most ran-
corous severity, setting on foot a persecution in her
own family that made the house too hot for all the
menial servants, even ruffled the almost invincible
indifference of Tom Pipes, harassed the commodore
himself out of all patience, and spared no individual
but Lieutenant Hatchway, whom she never ventured
to disoblige.
CHAPTER XL
Mrs, Trunnion erects a tyranny in the garrison^ while
her husband conceives an affection for his nephew
Perry ^ loho manifests a 'peculiarity of disposition even
in his tender years.
Having exercised herself three months in such pious
amusements, she appeared again in the world ; but
her misfortune had made such an impression on her
mind, that she could not bear the sight of a child,
and trembled whenever the conversation happened to
turn upon a christening. Her temper, which was
naturally none of the sweetest, seemed to have im-
bibed a double proportion of souring from her dis-
appointment; of consequence, her company was not
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 75
much coveted, and she found very few people disposed
to treat her with those marks of consideration which
she looked upon as her due. This neglect detached
her from the society of an unmannerly world; she
concentered the energy of all her talents in the govern-
ment of her own house, which groaned accordingly
under her arbitrary sway; and in the brandy-bottle
found ample consolation for all the affliction she had
undergone.
As for the commodore, he in a little time weathered
his disgrace, after having sustained many severe jokes
from the lieutenant; and now, his chief aim being to
be absent from his own house as much as possible,
he frequented the public-house more than ever, more
assiduously cultivated the friendship of his brother-
in-law Mr. Pickle, and in the course of their intimacy,
conceived an affection for his nephew Perry, which
did not end but with his life. Indeed, it must be
owned that Trunnion was not naturally deficient in
the social passions of the soul, which, though they
were strangely warped, disguised, or overborne by the
circumstance of his boisterous life and education, did
not fail to manifest themselves occasionally through
the whole course of his behaviour.
As all the hopes of propagating his own name had
perished, and his relations lay under the interdiction
of his hate, it is no wonder that, through the famili-
arity and friendly intercourse subsisting between him
and Mr. Gamaliel, he contracted a liking for the boy,
who, by this time, entered the third year of his age,
and was indeed a very handsome, healthy, and pro-
mising child; and what seemed to ingratiate him
still more with his uncle was a certain oddity of dis-
position for which he had been remarkable even from
his cradle. It is reported of him, that, before the
76 THE ADVENTURES OF
first year of his infancy was elapsed, he used very
often, immediately after being dressed, in the midst
of the caresses which were bestowed upon him by
his mother while she indulged herself in the contem-
plation of her own happiness, all of a sudden to alarm
her with a fit of shrieks and cries, which continued
with great violence till he was stripped to the skin,
with the utmost expedition, by order of his afii'ighted
parent, who thought his tender body was tortured by
the misapplication of some unlucky pin ; and when
he had given them all this disturbance and unneces-
sary trouble, he would lie sprawling and laughing
in their faces, as if he ridiculed the impertinence of
their concern. Nay, it is affirmed, that one day,
when an old woman, who attended in the nursery,
had, by stealth, conveyed a bottle of cordial-waters
to her mouth, he pulled his nurse by the sleeve, and
by a slight glance detecting the theft, tipped her the
wink with a particular slyness of countenance, as if
he had said, with a sneer, ' Ay, ay, that is what you
^must all come to.' But these instances of reflection
in a babe nine months old are so incredible, that I
look upon them as ex post facto observations, founded
upon imaginary recollections, when he was in a more
advanced age, and his peculiarities of temper became
much more remarkable ; of a piece with the ingenious
discoveries of those sagacious observers, who can dis-
cern something evidently characteristic in the features
of any noted personage whose character they have
previously heard explained ; yet, without pretending
to specify at what period of his childhood this singu-
larity first appeared, I can with great truth declare,
that when he first attracted the notice and affection of
his uncle, it was plainly perceivable.
One would imagine he had marked out the com-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 11
modore as a proper object of ridicule; for almost all
his little childish ■_§atir& was levelled against him. I
will not deny that he might have been influenced in
this particular by the example and instruction of Mr.
Hatchway, who delighted in superintending the first
essays of his genius. As the gout had taken up its
residence in Mr. Trunnion's great toe, whence it never
removed, no not for a day, little Perry took great
pleasure in treading by accident on this infirm member ;
and when his uncle, incensed by the pain, used to d —
him for a hell-begotten brat, he would appease him
in a twinkling by returning the curse with equal
emphasis, and asking what was the matter with old
Hannibal Tough ? an appellation by which the lieute-
nant had taught him to distinguish this grim com-
mander.
Neither was this the only experiment he tried upon
the patience of the commodore, with whose nose he
used to take indecent freedoms, even while he was
fondled on his knee ; in one month he put him to the
expense of two guineas in seal-skin, by picking his
pocket of divers tobacco-pouches, all of which he in
secret committed to the flames. Nor did the caprice
of his disposition abstain fi'om the favourite beverage
of Trunnion, who more than once swallowed a whole
draught in which his brother's snufi-box had been
emptied, before he perceived the disagreeable infusion :
and one day, when the commodore had chastised him
by a gentle tap with his cane, he fell flat on the floor
as if he had been deprived of all sense and motion, to
the terror and amazement of the striker; and after
having filled the whole house with confusion and
dismay, opened his eyes and laughed heartily at the
success of his own imposition.
It would be an endless, and perhaps no very agree-
78 777^ ADVENTURES OF
able task, to enumerate all the unlucky pranks he
played upon his uncle and others, before he attained
the fourth year of his age ; about which time he was
sent, with an attendant, to a day-school in the neigh-
bourhood, that (to use his good mother's own expres-
sion) he might be out of harm's way. Here, however,
he made little progress, except in mischief, which he
practised with impunity, because the school-mistress
would run no risk of disobliging a lady of fortune, by
exercising unnecessary severities upon her only child.
Nevertheless, Mrs. Pickle was not so blindly partial
as to be pleased with such unseasonable indulgence.
Perry was taken out of the hands of this courteous
teacher and committed to the instruction of a peda-
gogue, who was ordered to administer such correction
as the boy should, in his opinion, deserve. This
authority he did not neglect to use; his pupil was
regularly flogged twice a day, and after having been
subjected to this course of discipline for the space of
eighteen months, declared the most obstinate, dull, and
untoward genius that ever had fallen under his culti-
vation; instead of being reformed, he seemed rather
hardened and confirmed in his vicious inclinations,
^and was dead to all sense of fear as well as shame.
His mother was extremely mortified at these symptoms
of stupidity, which she considered as an inheritance
derived from the spirit of his father, and consequently
insurmountable by all the efforts of human care. But
the commodore rejoiced over the ruggedness of his
nature, and was particularly pleased when, upon
inquiry, he found that Perry had beaten all the boys
in the school, a circumstance from which he prog-
nosticated everything that was fair and fortunate in
his future fate ; observing that at his age he was just
such another. The boy, who was now turned of six,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 79
having profited so little under the birch of his un-
sparing governor, Mrs. Pickle was counselled to send
him to a boarding-school not far from London, which
was kept by a certain person very eminent for his
successful method of education. This advice she the
more readily embraced, because at that time she found
herself pretty far gone with another child, that she
hoped would console her for the disappointment she
had met with in the unpromising talents of Perry, \y
or, at any rate, divide her concern so as to enable
her to endure the absence of either.
CHAPTER XII.
Peregrine is sent to a hoarding-school^ and becomes
remarkable for his genius and ambition.
The commodore understanding her determination, to
which her husband did not venture to make the least
objection, interested himself so much in behalf of his
favourite, as to fit him out at his own charge, and
accompany him in person to the place of his desti-
nation, where he defrayed the expense of his entrance,
and left him to the particular care and inspection of
the usher, who, having been recommended to him as
a person of parts and integrity, received per advance
a handsome consideration for the task he undertook.
Nothing could be better judged than this piece of
liberality ; the assistant was actually a man of learn-
ing, probity, and good sense; and though obliged by
the scandalous administration of fortune to act in
80 THE ADVENTURES OF
the character of an inferior teaclier, had by his sole
capacity and application brought the school to that
degree of reputation which it never could have ob-
tained from the talents of his superior. He had esta-
blished an economy, which, though regular, was not
at all severe, by enacting a body of laws suited to the
age and comprehension of every individual ; and each
transgressor was fairly tried by his peers, and punished
according to the verdict of the jury. No boy was
scourged for want of apprehension ; but a spirit of
emulation was raised by well-timed praise and artful
comparison, and maintained by a distribution of small
prizes, which were adjudged to those who signalized
themselves either by their industry, sobriety, or genius.
This tutor, whose name was Jennings, began with
Perry, according to his constant maxim, by examin-
ing the soil ; that is, studying his temper, in order to
consult the bias of his disposition, which was strangely
perverted by the absurd discipline he had undergone.
He found him in a state of sullen insensibility, which
the child had gradually contracted in a long course
of stupefying correction ; and, at first, he was not in
the least actuated by that commendation which ani-
mated the rest of his school-fellows ; nor was it in the
power of reproach to' excite his ambition, which had
been buried, as it were, in the grave of disgrace] the
usher, therefore, had recourse to contemptuous neglect,
with which he affected to treat his stubborn spirit ;
foreseeing that, if he retained any seeds of sentiment,
this weather would infallibly raise them into vegeta-
tion. His judgment was justified by the event ; the
boy, in a little time, began to make observations ; he
perceived the marks of distinction with which virtue
was rewarded, grew ashamed of the despicable figure
he himself made among his companions, Avho, far
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 81
from courting, rather sliunned his conversation, and
actually pined at his own want of Importance.
Mr. Jennings saw and rejoiced at his mortification,
which he suffered to proceed as far as possible, without
endangering his health. The child lost all relish for
diversion, loathed his food, grew pensive, solitary,
and was frequently found weeping by himself. These
symptoms plainly evinced the recovery of his feelings,
to which his governor thought it now high time to
make application ; and therefore, by little and little,
altered his behaviour from the Indifference he had put
on, to the appearance of more regard and attention.
This produced a favourable change in the boy, whose
eyes sparkled with satisfaction one day, when his
master expressed himself with a show of surprise In
these words, ' So, Perry ! I find you don't want genius,^
' when you think proper to use it.' Such encomiums
kindled the spirit of emulation in his little breast ; he
exerted himself with surprising alacrity, by which he
soon acquitted himself of the Imputation of dulness,
and obtained sundry honorary silver pennies, as ac-
knowledgments of his application: his school-fellows
now solicited his friendship as eagerly as they had
avoided it before ; and, in less than a twelvemonth
after his arrival, this supposed dunce was remarkable
for the brightness of his parts ; having In that short
period learnt to read English perfectly well, made
great progress In writing, enabled himself to speak
the French language without hesitation, and acquired
some knowledge in the rudiments of the Latin tongue.
The usher did not fail to transmit an account of his
proficiency to the commodore, who received It with
transport, and forthwith communicated the happy
tidings to the parents.
]\Ir. Gamaliel Pickle, who was never subject to
VOL. III. 6
82 THE ADVENTURES OF
violent emotions, liearcl them with a sort of phleg-
matic satisfaction, that scarcely manifested itself either
in his comitenance or expressions ; nor did the child's
mother break forth into that rapture and admiration
which might have been expected, when she understood
how much the talents of her first-born had exceeded
the hope of her warmest imagination. Not but that
she professed herself well pleased with Perry's repu-
tation ; though she observed, that, in these commen-
dations, the truth was always exaggerated by school-
masters, for their own interest ; and pretended to
wonder that the usher had not mingled more proba-
bility with his praise. Trunnion was offended at her
indifference and want of faith, and believing that she
refined too much in her discernment, swore that
Jennings had declared the truth, and nothing but the
truth ; for he himself had prophesied from the begin-
ning that the boy would turn out a credit to his
family. But, by this time, Mrs. Pickle was blessed
with a daughter, whom she had brought into the world
about six months before the intelligence arrived ; so
that her care and affection being otherwise engrossed,
the praise of Perry was the less greedily devoured.
The abatement of her fondness was an advantage to
his education, which would have been retarded, and
perhaps ruined, by pernicious indulgence and prepos-
terous interposition, had her love considered him as
an only child ; whereas, her concern being now
diverted to another object that shared, at least, one-
half of her affection, he was left to the management
of his preceptor, who tutored him according to his
own plan, without any let or interruption. Indeed,
all his sagacity and circumspection were but barely
sufficient to keep the young gentleman in order; for,
now tliat he had won the palm of victory from his
I
\
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 83
rivals in point of scholarship, his ambition dilated,
and he was seized with the desire of subjecting the
whole school by the valour of his armP Before he
could bring his project to bear, innumerable battles
were fought with various success ; every day a bloody
nose and complaint were presented against him, and
his own visage commonly bore some livid marks of
obstinate contention. At length, however, he accom-
plished his aim ; his adversaries were subdued, his
prowess acknowledged, and he obtained the laurel
in war as well as in wit. Thus triumphant, he was
intoxicated with success. His pride rose in proportion
to his power, and in spite of all the endeavours of
Jennings, who practised every method he could invent
for curbing his licentious conduct without depressing
his spirit, he contracted a large proportion of insolence,
which a series of misfortunes that happened in the
sequel could scarce effectually tame. Nevertheless,"'^
there was a fund of good-nature and generosity in
his composition ; and though he established a tyranny ,
among his comrades, the tranquillity of his reign was
maintained by the love rather than by the fear of his^
subjects.
In the midst of all this enjoyment of empire, he
never once violated that respectful awe with which
the usher had found means to inspire him ; but he by
no means preserved the same regard for the prin-
cipal master, an old, illiterate German quack, who
had formerly practised corn-cutting among the quality,
and sold cosmetic washes to the ladies, together with
tooth-powders, hair-dyeing liquors, prolific elixirs, and
tinctures to sweeten the breath. These nostrums,
recommended by the art of cringing, in which he was
consummate, ingratiated him so much with the people
of fashion, that he was enabled to set up school with
6—2
84 THE ADVENTURES OF
five-and-twenty boys of the best families, whom he
boarded on his own terms, and undertook to instruct
in the French and Latin languages, so as to qualify
them for the colleges of Westminster and Eton. While
this plan was in its infancy, he was so fortunate as to
meet with Jennings, who, for the paltry consideration
of thirty pounds a year, which his necessities com-
pelled him to accept, took the whole trouble of edu-
cating the children upon himself, contrived an excel-
lent system for that purpose, and by his assiduity and
knowledge executed all the particulars to the entire
satisfaction of those concerned, who, by-the-bye, never
inquired into these qualifications, but suffered the other
to enjoy the fruits of his labour and ingenuity.
Over and above a large stock of avarice, ignorance,
and vanity, this superior had certain ridiculous pecu-
liarities in his person, such as a hunch upon his back,
and distorted limbs, that seemed to attract the satirical
notice of Peregrine, who, young as he was, took offence
at his want of reverence for his usher, over whom he
sometimes chose opportunities of displaying his autho-
rity, that the boys might not misplace their veneration.
Mr. Keypstick, therefore, such as I have described him,
incurred the contempt and displeasure of his enter-
prising pupil, who now, being in the tenth year of his
age, had capacity enough to give him abundance of
vexation. He underwent many mortifying jokes from
the invention of Pickle and his confederates ; so that
he began to entertain suspicion of Mr. Jennings, who,
he could not help thinking, had been at the bottom of
them all, and spirited up principles of rebellion in the
school, with a view of making himself independent.
Possessed with this chimera, which was void of all
foundation, the German descended so low as to tamper
in private with the boys, from whom he hoped to draw
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 85
some very important discovery, but lie was disap-
pointed in his expectations, and this mean practice
reaching the ears of his usher, he voluntarily resigned
his employment. Finding interest to obtain holy
orders in a little time after, he left the kingdom,
hoping to find a settlement in some of our American
plantations.
The departure of Mr. Jennings produced a great
revolution in the affairs of Keypstick, which declined
from that moment, because he had n ei ther autho rity
t oenforce obedience, no r prudence to main tain order
among his scholars, so that the school degenerated into
anarchy and confusion, and he himself dwindled in the
opinion of his employers, who looked upon him as
superannuated, and withdrew their children from his
tuition.
Peregrine, seeing this dissolution of their society,
and finding himself every day deprived of some com-
panion, began to repine at his situation, and resolved,
if possible, to procure his release from the jurisdiction
of the person whom he both detested and despised.
With this view he went to work, and composed the
following billet, addressed to the commodore, which
was the first specimen of his composition in the epis-
tolary way: —
' Honoured and loving Uncle,
' Hoping you are in good health, this serves to in-
form you that Mr. Jennings is gone, and Mr. Keyp-
stick will never meet with his fellow. The school is
already almost broke up, and the rest daily going
away 5 and I beg of you of all love to have me fetched
away also, for I cannot bear to be any longer under
one who is a perfect ignoramus, who scarce knows
the declination of musa^ and is more fit to be a scare-
S6 THE ADVENTURES OF
crow than a schoolmaster. Hopmg you will send
for me soon, with my love to my aunt, and my duty
to my honoured parents, craving their blessing and
yours. And this is all at present from, honoured
uncle, your well-beloved and dutiful nephew and
godson, and humble servant to command till death,
' Peeegrine Pickle.'
Trunnion was overjoyed at the receipt of this letter,
which he looked upon as one of the greatest efforts of
human genius, and as such communicated the contents
to his lady, whom he had disturbed for the purpose in
the middle of her devotion, by sending a message to
her closet, whither it was her custom very frequently
to retire. She was out of humour at being interrupted,
and therefore did not peruse this specimen of her hus-
band's understanding with all the relish that the com-
Y^modore himself had enjoyed ; on the contrary, after
sundry paralytfical endeavours to speak (for her tongue
sometimes refused its office), she observed that the boy
was a pert jackanapes, and deserved to be severely
chastised for treating his betters with such disrespect.
Her husband undertook his godson's defence, repre-
senting with great warmth that he knew Keypstick to
be a good-for-nothing pimping old rascal, and that
Perry showed a great deal of spirit and good sense in
desiring to be taken from under his command ; he
therefore declared that tlie boy should not live a week
longer with such a shambling son of a bitch, and sanc-
tioned this declaration with abundance of oaths.
Mrs. Trunnion, composing her countenance into a
look of religious demureness, rebuked him for his
profane way of talking 5 and asked, in a magisterial
tone, if he intended never to lay aside that brutal
behaviour. Irritated at this reproach, he answered,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 87
in terms of indignation, that he knew how to behave
himself as well as e'er a woman that wore a head,
bade her mind her own affairs, and, with another
repetition of oaths, gave her to understand that he
would be master in his own house.
This insinuation operated upon her spirits like fric-
tion upon a glass globe ; her face gleamed with resent-
ment, and every pore seemed to emit particles of flame.
She replied with incredible fluency of the bitterest
expressions. He retorted equal rage in broken hints
anxLi^icgherenl imprecations. She rejoined with re-
doubled fury ; and, in conclusion, he was fain to betake
himself to flight, ejaculating curses against her, and
muttering something concerning the brandy-bottle,
which, however, he took care should never reach
her ears.
From his own house he went directly to visit Mrs.
Pickle, to whom he imparted Peregrine's epistle, with
many encomiums upon the boy's promising parts ; and
finding his commendations but coldly received, desired
she would permit him to take his godson under his
own care.
This lady, whose family was now increased by
another son who seemed to engross her care for the
present, had not seen Perry during a course of four
years, and, with regard to him, was perfectly ' weaned
of that infirmity known by the name of maternal fond-
ness ; she therefore consented to the commodore's re-
quest with great condescension, and a polite compH-
ment to him on the concern he had all along manifested
for thci, welfare of the child.
88 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER XIII.
The commodore takes Peregrine under Ms oivn care. The
hoy arrives at the garrison ; is strangely received hy
his oion mother ; enters into a confederacy with Hatch-
way and Pipes J and executes a couple of loaggish
enterprises uyon his aunt.
Trunnion having obtained this permission, that very
afternoon despatched the lieutenant in a post-chaise to
Keypstick's house, whence in two days he returned
with our young hero, who, being now in the eleventh
year of his age, had outgrown the expectation of all
his family, and was remarkable for the beauty and
elegance of his person. His godfather was transported
at his arrival, as if he had been actually the issue of
his own loins. He shook him heartily by the hand,
turned him round and round, surveyed him from top
to bottom, bade Hatchway take notice how hand-
somely he was built, squeezed his hand again, saying,
* I) — me, you dog, I suppose you don't value such
* an old crazy son of a bitch as me a rope's end. You
' have forgot how I wont to dandle you on my knee,
' when you was a little urchin no bigger than the
' davit, and played a thousand tricks upon me, burning
* my tobacco-pouches and poisoning my rumbo. O !
' d — ye, you can grin fast enough, I see ; I warrant
' you have learnt more things than writing and the
' Latin lingo.' Even Tom Pipes expressed uncommon
satisfaction on this joyful occasion ; and coming up to
Perry, thrust forth his fore-paw, and accosted him with
the salutation of, ' What cheer, my young master ? I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 89
' am glad to see thee, with all my heart.' These
compliments being passed, his uncle halted at the door
of his wife's chamber, at which he stood hallooing.
Here's yom- kinsman Perry, belike you won't come
and bid him welcome ? ' — ' Lord ! Mr. Trunnion,' said
she ' why will you continually harass me in this
manner with your impertinent intrusions ? ' — ' I harrow
you ! ' replied the commodore ; ' 'sblood ! I believe
your upper works are damaged. I only came to
inform you, that here was your cousin, whom you
have not seen these four long years ; and I'll be
d — if there is such another of his age within the
king's dominions, d'ye see, either for make or mettle ;
he's a credit to the name, d'ye see, but d — my eyes,
I'll say no more of the matter ; if you come you may,
if you won't, ^^ou may let it alone.' — ' Well, I won't
come, then,' answered his yoke-fellow, ' for I am at
present more agreeably employed.' ' Gho ! you are ?
I believe so too,' cried the commodore, making wry
faces, and mimicking the action of dram- drinking.
Then, addressing himself to Hatchway : ' Prithee,
Jack,' said he, ' go and try thy skill on that stubborn
hulk; if anybody can bring her about, I know you
wool.' The lieutenant accordingly, taking his station
at the door, conveyed his persuasion in these words :
What ! won't you turn out and hail little Perry ? It
will do your heart good to see such a handsome
young dog ; I'm sure he is the very moral of you,
and as like as if he had been spit out of your own
mouth, as the saying is. Do show a little respect for
your kinsman, can't you ? ' To this remonstrance she
eplied in a mild tone of voice, ' Dear Mr. Hatchway,
you are always teazing one in such a manner ; sure I
am, nobody can tax me with unkindness, or want of
natural affection*,' so saying, she opened the door,
90
THE ADVENTURES OF
and advancing to the hall where her nephew stood,
received him very graciously, and observed that he
was the very image of her papa.
In the afternoon he was conducted by the com-
modore to the house of his parents; and, strange to
tell, no sooner was he presented to his mother, than
her countenance changed; she eyed him with tokens
of affliction and surprise, and bursting into tears,
exclaimed her child was dead, and this was no other
than an impostor whom they had brought to defraud
"her sorrow. Trunnion was confounded at this unac-
countable passion, which had no other foundation than
caprice and whim, and Gamaliel was himself so discon-
certed and unsettled in his own belief, which began
to waver, that he knew not how to behave towards the
boy, whom his godfather immediately carried back to
the garrison, swearing all the way that Perry should
never cross their threshold again with his good will.
Nay, so much was he incensed at this unnatural and
absurd renunciation, that he refused to carry on any
further correspondence with Pickle until he was ap-
peased by his solicitations and submission, and Pere-
grine owned as his son and heir. But this acknow-
ledgment was made without the privity of his wife,
whose vicious aversion he was obliged, in appearance,
to adopt. Thus exiled from his father's house, the
young gentleman was left entirely at the disposal of
the commodore, whose affection for him daily in-
creased, insomuch that he could scarce prevail upon
himself to part with him when his education absolutely
required that he should be otherwise disposed of.
In all probability, this extraordinary attachment
was, if not produced, at least riveted, by that peculiar
turn in Peregrine's imagination, which we have already
observed ; and which, during his residence in the castle,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 91
appeared in sundry stratagems he practised upon his
uncle and aunt, under the auspices of Mr. Hatchway,
who assisted him in the contrivance and execution of
all his schemes. Nor was Pipes exempted from a
share in their undertakings ; for, being a trusty fellow,
not without dexterity in some cases, and altogether
resigned to their will, they found him a serviceable
instrument for their purpose, and used him accord-
ingly.
The first sample of their art was exliibited upon
Mrs. Trunnion. They terrified that good lady with
strange noises when she retired to her devotion. Pipes
was a natural genius in the composition of discords ;
he could imitate the sound produced by the winding of
a jack, the filing of a saw, and the swinging of a male-
factor hanoino; in chains ; he could counterfeit the
braying of an ass, the screeching of a night-owl, the
caterwauling of cats, the howling of a dog, the squeak-
ing of a pig, the crowing of a cock ; and he had learned
the war-whoop uttered by the Indians in North Ame-
rica. These talents were exerted successively at dif-
ferent times and places, to the terror of Mrs. Trunnion,
the discomposure of the commodore himself, and the
consternation of all the servants in the castle. Pere-
grine, w^ith a sheet over his clothes, sometimes tumbled
before his aunt in the twilight, when her organs of
vision were a little impaired by the cordial she had
swallowed ; and the boatswain's mate taught him to
shoe cats with walnut-shells, so that they made a most
dreadful clattering in their nocturnal excursions. The
mind of Mrs. Trunnion was not a little disturbed by
these alarms, which, in her opinion, portended the
death of some principal person in the family; she re-
doubled her religious exercises, and fortified her spirits
with fi'esh potations; nay, she began to take notice that
92 THE ADVENTURES OF
Mr. TruDnion's constitution was very much broken,
and seemed dissatisfied when people observed that
they never saw him look better. Her frequent visits
to the closet, where all her consolation was deposited,
inspired the confederates with a device which had like
to have been attended with tragical consequences.
They found an opportunity to infuse jallap in one of
her case-bottles, and she took so largely of this medi-
cine, that her constitution had well nigh sunk under
the violence of its effect. She suffered a succession of
fainting fits that reduced her to the brink of the grave,
in spite of all the remedies that were administered by
a physician, who was called in the beginning of her
disorder. After having examined the symptoms, he de-
clared that the patient had been poisoned with arsenic,
and prescribed oily draughts and lubricating injections,
to defend the coats of the stomach and the intestines
from the vellicating particles of that pernicious mi-
neral; at the same time hinting, with a look of infinite
sagacity, that it was not difficult to divine the whole
mystery. He affected to deplore the poor lady, as if
she was exposed to more attempts of the same nature ;
thereby glancing obliquely at the innocent commodore,
whom the officious son of ^sculapius suspected as the
author of this expedient, to rid his hand of a yoke-
fellow for whom he was well-known to have no great
devotion. This impertinent and malicious insinuation
made some impression upon the bystanders, and fur-
nished ample field for slander to asperse the morals of
Trunnion, who was repi-esented through the whole
district as a monster of barbarity. Nay, the sufferer
herself, though she behaved with great decency and
prudence, could not help entertaining some small diffi-
dence of her husband; not that she imagined he had
any design upon her life; but that he had been at
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 93
pains to adulterate the brandy, with a view of detach-
ing her from that favourite liquor.
On this supposition she resolved to act with more
caution for the future, Avithout setting on foot any
inquiry about the affair; while the commodore, im-
puting her indisposition to some natural cause, after
the danger was past never bestowed a thought upon
the subject: so that the perpetrators were quit of their
fear, which, however, had punished them so effectually,
that they never would hazard any more jokes of the
same nature.
The shafts of their wit were now directed against
the commodore himself, whom they teased and terri- ^
tied al most o ut of his sense s. One day, while he was
at dinner, Pipes came and told him that there was
a person below that wanted to speak with him im-
mediately about an affair of the greatest importance,
that would admit of no delay ; upon which he ordered
the stranger to be told that he was engaged, and that
he must send up his name and business. To this
demand he received for answer a message importing
that the person's name was unknown to him, and his
business of such a nature that it could not be dis-
closed to any one but the commodore himself, whom
he earnestly desired to see without loss of time.
Trunnion, surprised at this importunity, got up with
great reluctance in the middle of his meal, and de-
scended to a parlour where the stranger was, asked
him, in a surly tone, what he wanted with him in
such a d — hurry that he could not wait till he
had made an end of his mess. The other, not at all
disconcerted at this rough address, advanced close up
to him on his tiptoes, and, with a look of confidence
and conceit, laying his mouth to one side of the com-
modore's head, whispered softly in his ear, ' Sir, I
94 THE ADVENTURES OF
' am tlie attorney whom you wanted to converse with
' in private.' ' The attorney ! ' cried Trunnion, staring
and half-choked with choler. — ' Yes, sir, at your
' service,' replied this retainer of the law ; ' and if you
' please, the sooner we despatch the affair the better ;
' for 'tis an old observation that delay breeds danger.'
— 'Truly, brother,' said the commodore, who could
no longer contain himself, ' I do confess that I am
' very much of your way of thinking, d'ye see ; and
' therefore you shall be despatched in a trice ; ' so
saying, he lifted up his walking-staff, which was some-
thing between a crutch and a cudgel, and discharged
it with such energy on the seat of the attorney's
understanding, that if there had been anything but
solid bone, the contents of this skull must have been
evacuated.
Fortified as he was by nature against all such
assaults, he could not withstand the momentum of
the blow, which in an instant laid him flat on the
floor, deprived of all sense and motion ; and Trunnion
hopped upstairs to dinner, applauding himself in ejacu-
lations all the way for the vengeance he had taken
on such an impudent, pettifogging miscreant.
The attorney no sooner awakened from his trance
into which he had been so unexpectedly lulled, than
he cast his eyes around in quest of evidence by which
he might be enabled the more easily to prove the
injury he had sustained; but not a soul appearing,
he made shift to get upon his legs again, and with
the blood trickling over his nose, followed one of the
servants into the dining-room, resolved to come to
an explanation with the assailant, and either extort
money from him by way of satisfaction, or provoke
him to a second application before witnesses. With
this view he entered the room in a peal of clamour,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 95
to tlie amazement of all present, and the terror of
Mrs. Trmmion, who shrieked at the appearance of
such a spectacle ; and addressing himself to the com-
modore, ' I'll tell you what, sir,' said he, ' if there be
' law in England, I'll make you smart for this here
' assault ; you think you have screened yourself from
' a prosecution by sending all your servants out of the
' way, but that circumstance will appear upon trial to
' be a plain proof of the malice propense with which
' the fact was committed ; especially when corroborated
' by the evidence of this here letter, under your own
' hand, whereby I am desired to come to your own
' house to transact an affair of consequence ; ' so saying,
he produced the writing, and i-ead the contents in
these words :
' Mr. Eoger Ravine.
' Sir,
* Being in a manner prisoner in my own house, I
' desire you will give me a call precisely at three
' o'clock in the afternoon, and insist upon seeing you
' myself, as I have an affair of great consequence in
' which your particular advice is wanted by your
' humble servant, ' Hawser Trunnion.'
The one-eyed commander, who had been satisfied
with the chastisement he had already bestowed upon
the plaintiff, hearing him read this audacious piece of
forgery, which he considered as the effect of his own
villany, started up from the table, and seizing a huge
turkey that lay in a dish before him, would have
applied it, sauce and all, by way of poultice to bis
wound, had he not been restrained by Hatchway,
who laid fast hold on both his arms, and fixed him
to his chair again, advising the attorney to sheer off
96 THE ADVENTURES OF
with what he had got. Far from following this
salutary counsel, he redoubled his threats, and set
Trunnion at defiance, telling him he was not a man
of true courage, although he had commanded a ship
of war, or else he would not have attacked any person
in such a cowardly and clandestine manner. This
provocation would have answered his purpose effectu-
ally had not his adversary's indignation been repressed
by the suggestions of the lieutenant, who desired his
friend, in a whisper, to be easy, for he would take
care to have the attorney tossed in a blanket for his
presumption. This proposal, which he received with
great approbation, pacified him in a moment ; he wiped
the sweat from his forehead, and his features relaxed
into a grim smile.
Hatchway disappeared, and Eavine proceeded with
great fluency of abuse until he was interrupted by
the arrival of Pipes, who, without any expostulation,
led him out by the hand, and conducted him to the
yard, where he was put in a carpet, and in a twinkling
sent into the air, by the strength and dexterity of five
stout operators whom the lieutenant had selected from
the number of the domestics for that singular spell
of duty.
In vain did the astonished vaulter beg, for the love
of God and passion of Christ, that they would take
pity upon him, and put an end to his involuntary gam-
bols. They were deaf to his prayers and protestations,
even when he swore, in the most solemn manner, that
if they would cease tormenting him, he would forget
and forgive what was passed, and depart in peace to
his own habitation ; and continued the game till they
were fatigued with the exercise.
Ravine being dismissed in a most melancholy plight,
brought an action of assault and battery against the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 97
commodore, and subpoenaed all the servants as evi-
dences in the cause; but, as none of them had seen
what happened, he did not find his account in the
prosecution, though he himself examined all the
witnesses, and, among other questions, asked, whether
they had not seen him come in like another man ? and
whether they had ever seen any other man in such a
condition as that in which he had crawled off? But
this last interrogation they were not obliged to answer,
because it had reference to the second discipline he
had undergone, in which they and they only were
concerned ; and no person is bound to give testimony
against himself.
In short, the attorney was nonsuited, to the satisfac-
tion of all who knew him, and found himself under
the necessity of proving that he had received, in course
of post, the letter which was declared in court a
scandalous forgery, in order to prevent an indictment
with which he was threatened by the commodore, who
little dreamt that the whole affair had been planned
and executed by Peregrine and his associates.
The next enterprise, in which this triumvirate
engaged, was a scheme to frighten Trunnion with an
apparition, which they prepared and exhibited in this
manner : To the hide of a large ox Pipes fitted a
leathern vizor of a most terrible appearance, stretched
on the jaws of a shark, which he had brought from
sea, and accommodated with a couple of broad glasses
instead of eyes. On the inside of these he placed two
rushlights, and, with a composition of sulphur and
saltpetre, made a pretty large fuse, which he fixed be-
tween two rows of the teeth. This equipage being
finished, he, one dark night chosen for the purpose,
put it on, and, following the commodore into a long
passage in which he was preceded by Perry with a
VOL. Ill, 7
98
THE ADVENTURES OF
light in his hand, kindled his firework with a match,
and began to bellow like a bull. The boy, as it was
concerted, looking behind him, screamed aloud, and
dropped the light, which was extinguished in the fall ;
when Trunnion, alarmed at his nephew's consternation,
exclaimed, ' Zounds ! what's the matter ? ' And turn-
ing about to see the cause of this dismay, beheld a
hideous phantom vomiting blue flame, which aggra-
vated the horrors of its aspect. He was instantly
seized with an agony of fear, which divested him of
his reason ; nevertheless, he, as it were mechanically,
raised his trusty supporter in his own defence, and the
apparition advancing towards him, aimed it at this
dreadful annoyance with such a convulsive exertion of
strength, that had not the blow chanced to light upon
one of the horns, Mr. Pipes would have had no cause
to value himself upon his invention. Misapplied as it
was, he did not fail to stagger at the shock, and dread-
ing another such salutation, closed with the commodore,
and, having tripped up his Jieels, retreated with great
expedition.
It was then that Peregrine, pretending to recollect
himself a little, ran, with all the marks of disturbance
and affright, and called up the servants to the assis-
tance of their master ; whom they found in a cold
sweat upon the floor, his features betokening horror
and confusion. Hatchway raised him up, and, having
comforted him with a cup of Nantz, began to inquire
into the cause of his disorder, but he could not extract
one word of answer from his friend, who, after a con-
siderable pause, during which he seemed to be wrapped
up in profound contemplation, pronounced aloud, ' By
' the Lord ! Jack, you may say what you wool ; but
' I'll be d — if it was not Davy Jones himself. I know
' him by his saucer- eyes, his three rows of teeth, his
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 99
' horns, and tail, and the blue smoke that came out of
' his nostrils. What does the blackguard hell's-baby
' want with me ? I'm sure I never committed murder,
' except in the way of my profession, nor wronged any
' man whatsomever since I first went to sea/ This
same Davy Jones, according to the mythology of
sailors, is the fiend that presides over all the evil
spirits of the deep, and is often seen in various shapes,
perching among the rigging on the eve of hurricanes,
shipwrecks, and other disasters to which a seafaring
life is exposed ; warning the devoted wretch of death
and woe. No wonder then that Trunnion was dis-
turbed by a supposed visit of this demon, which, in his
opinion, foreboded some dreadful calamity.
CHAPTER XIV.
He is also^ hy their advice^ engaged in an adventure
with the exciseman^ who does not find his account
in his oion drollery.
Howsoever preposterous and unaccountable that pas-
sion may be which prompts persons, otherwise generous
and sympathizing, to afflict and perplex their fellow-
creatures, certain it is our confederates entertained
such a large proportion of it that, not satisfied with
the pranks they had already played, they still per-
secuted the commodore without ceasing. In the
course of his own history, the particulars of which
he delighted to recount, he had often rehearsed an
adventure of deer-stealing, in which (during the un-
7—2
100 THE ADVENTURES OF
thinking impetuosity of youth) he had been unfor-
tunately concerned. Far from succeeding in that
achievement, he and his associates had (it seems) been
made prisoners, after an obstinate engagement with
the keepers, and carried before a neighbouring justice
of the peace, who used Trunnion with great indignity,
and, with his companions, committed him to gaol.
His own relations, and in particular an uncle, on
whom he chiefly depended, treated him dm'ing his
confinement with great rigour and inhumanity, and
absolutely refused to interpose his influence in his
behalf, unless he would sign a writing, obliging himself
to go to sea within thirty days after his release, under
the penalty of being proceeded agamst as a felon. The
alternative was either to undergo this voluntary exile,
or remain m prison disowned and deserted by every-
body, and after all suffer an ignominious trial, that
might end in a sentence of transportation for life. He
therefore, without much hesitation, embraced the pro-
posal of his kinsman, and (as he observed) was in less
than a month after his discharge turned adrift to the
mercy of the wind and waves.
Since that period he had never maintained any
correspondence with his relations, all of whom had
concurred in sending him oflp; nor would he ever pay
the least regard to the humiliations and supplications
of some among them, who had prostrated themselves
before him on the advancement of his fortune ; but he
retained a most inveterate resentment against his uncle,
who was still in being, though extremely old and
infirm, and frequently mentioned his name with all
the bitterness of revenge.
Perry being perfectly well acquainted with the par-
ticulars of this story, which he had heard so often
repeated, proposed to Hatchway that a person should
PEREGRINE PICKLE. •► 101
be hired to introduce himself to the commodore with
a supposititious letter of recommendation from this
detested kinsman ; an imposition that in all likelihood
would afford abundance of diversion.
The lieutenant relished the scheme, and young
Pickle having composed an epistle for the occasion,
the exciseman of the parish, a fellow of great impu-
dence and some humour, in whom Hatchway could
confide, undertook to transcribe and deliver it with
his own hands, and also personate the man in whose
favour it was feigned to be written. He accordingly
one morning arrived on horseback at the garrison, two
hours at least before Trunnion used to get up, and
gave Pipes, who admitted him, to understand that he
had a letter for his master, which he was ordered to
deliver to none but the commodore himself. This
message was no sooner communicated than the indig-
nant chief (who had been waked for the purpose) began
to curse the messenger for breaking his rest, and swore
he would not budge till his usual time of turning out.
This resolution being conveyed to the stranger, he
desired the carrier to go back and tell him he had such
joyful tidings to impart, that he was sure the com-
modore would think himself amply rewarded for his
trouble, even if he had been raised from the grave to
receive them.
This assurance, flattering as it was, would not have
been powerful enough to persuade him, had it not been
assisted with the exhortations of his spouse, which
never failed to influence his conduct. He therefore
crept out of bed, though not without great repugnance,
and wrapping himself in his morning gown, was sup-
ported downstairs, rubbing his eye, yawning fearfully,
and grumbling all the way. As soon as he popped his
head into the parlour, the supposed stranger made
102 THE ADVENTURES OF
divers awkward bows, and with' a grinning aspect
accosted him in these words : — ' Your most humble
* servant, most noble commodore ! I hope you are in
' good health ; you look pure and hearty ; and, if it
' was not for that misfortune of your eye, one would
' not desire to see a more pleasant countenance in a
' summer's day. Sure as I am a living soul, one
' would take you to be on this side of threescore.
' Laud help us ! I should have known you to be a
' Trunnion, if I had met with you in the midst of
' Salisbury Plain, as the saying is.' The commodore,
who was not at all in the humour of relisliing such an
impertinent preamble, interrupted him in this place,
saying, with a peevish accent, ' Pshaw ! pshaw ! brother,
' there's no occasion to bowse out so much unnecessary
' gum ; if you can't bring your discourse to bear on
' the right subject, you had much better clap a stopper
' on your tongue and bring yourself up, d'ye see. I
' was told you had something to deliver.' — ' Deliver!'
cried the waggish impostor. ' Odds heart ! I have got
' something for you that will make your very entrails
' rejoice within your body. Here's a letter from a
' dear and worthy friend of yours. Take, read it, and
' be happy. Blessings on his old heart ! one would
' think he had renewed his age, like the eagles.'
Trunnion's expectations being thus raised, he called
for his spectacles, adjusted them to his eye, took the
letter, and being curious to know the subscription, no
sooner perceived his uncle's name than he started back,
his lip quivered, and he began to shake in every limb
with resentment and surprise ; nevertheless, eager to
know the subject of an epistle from a person who had
never before troubled him with any sort of address,
he endeavoured to recollect himself, and perused the
contents, which were these : —
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 103
' Loving Nephew,
' I doubt not but you will be rejoiced to hear of my
welfare ; and well you may, considering what a kind
uncle I have been to you in the days of your youth,
and how little you deserved any such thing ; for you
were always a graceless young man, given to wicked
courses and bad company, whereby you would have
come to a shameful end, had it not been for my care
in sending you out of mischiefs way. But this is not
the cause of my present writing. The bearer, Mr.
Timothy Trickle, is a distant relation of yours, being
the son of the cousin of your aunt Margery, and is
not over and above well as to worldly matters. He
thinks of going to London, to see for some post in the
excise or customs, if so be that you will recommend
him to some great man of your acquaintance, and
give him a small matter to keep him till he is pro-
vided. I doubt not, nephew, but you will be glad to
serve him, if it was no more but for the respect you
bear to me, who am,
' Loving nephew,
' Your affectionate uncle,
' And servant to command,
' ToBiAH Trunnion.'
It would be a difficult task for the inimitable
Hogarth himself to exhibit the ludicrous expression
of the commodore's countenance while he read this
letter. It was not a stare of astonishment, a convul-
sion of rage, or a ghastly grin of revenge, but an
association of all three, that took possession of his
features. At length he hawked up, with incredible
straining, the interjection, ' Ah ! ' that seemed to have
stuck for some time in his windpipe, and thus gave
104
THE ADVENTURES OF
vent to his indignation : ' Have I come alongside of
you at last, you old, stinking curmudgeon ! you lie,
you lousy hulk, ye lie ! You did all in your power to
founder me when I was a stripling ; and as for being
graceless, and wicked, and keeping bad company,
you tell a d — lie again, you thief ; there was not a
more peaceable lad in the county, and I kept no bad
company but your own, d'ye see. Therefore, you
Trickle, or what's your name, tell the old rascal that
sent you hither, that I spit in his face, and call him
horse ; that I tear his letter into rags, so ; and that I
trample upon it as I would upon his own villanous
carcass, d'ye see.' So saying, he danced in a sort of
frenzy upon the fragments of the paper, which he had
scattered about the room, to the inexpressible satis-
faction of the triumvirate, who beheld the scene.
The exciseman having got between him and the
door, which was left open for his escape, in case of
necessity, affected great confusion and surprise at his
behaviour, s aying, with an air of mortific ation, ' Lord
be merciful unto me ! Is this the way you treat your
own relations, and the recommendation of your best
friend ? Surely all gratitude and virtue have left
this sinful world ! What will cousin Tim, and Dick,
and Tom, and good mother Pipkin, and her daugh-
ters cousin Sue, and Prue, and Peg, with all the rest
of our kinsfolk, say, when they hear of this uncon-
scionable reception that I have met with ? Consider,
sir, that ingratitude is worse than the sin of witch-
craft, as the apostle wisely observes, and do not send
me away with such unchristian usage, which will
lay a heavy load of guilt upon your poor, miserable
soul.' — ' What, you are on a cruise for a post, brother
Trickle, an't ye ? ' said Trunnion, interrupting him,
we shall find a post for you in a trice, my boy.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 105
' Here, Pipes, take this saucy son of a bitch, belay him
' to the whipping-post in the yard. I'll teach you to
' rouse me in the morning with such impertinent mes-
' sages.' Pipes, who wanted to carry the joke farther
than the exciseman dreamt of, laid hold of him in a
twinkling, and executed the orders of his commander,
notwithstanding all his nods, winking, and significant
gestures, which the boatswain's mate would by no
means understand ; so that he began to repent of the
part he had acted in this performance, which was like
to end so tragically, and stood fastened to the stake, in
a very disagreeable state of suspense, casting many
a rueful look over his left shoulder (while Pipes was
absent in quest of a cat-o'-nine-tails), in expectation
of being relieved by the interposition of the lieutenant,
who did not, however, appear. Tom, returning with
the instrument of correction, undressed the delinquent
in a trice, and whispering in his ear that he was sorry
for being employed in such an office, but durst not for
his soul disobey the orders of his commander, flourished
the scourge about hjs head, and with admirable dex-
terity, made such a smarting application to the offen-
der's back and shoulders, that the distracted ganger
performed sundry new cuts with his feet, and bellowed
hideously with pain, to the infinite satisfaction of the
spectators. At length, when he was almost flayed
from his rump to the nape of his neck. Hatchway, who
had purposely absented himself liitherto, appeared in
the yard, and interposing in his behalf, prevailed upon
Trunnion to call off the executioner, and ordered the
malefactor to be released.
The exciseman, mad with the catastrophe he had
undergone, threatened to be revenged upon his em-
ployers, by making a candid confession of the whole
plot ; but the lieutenant giving him to understand that
106 THE ADVENTURES OF
in so doing he would bring upon himself a prosecution
for fraud, forgery, and imposture, he was fain to put
up with his loss, and sneaked out of the garrison,
attended with a volley of curses, discharged upon him
by the commodore, ^ho was exceedingly irritated by
the disturbance and disappointment he had undergone.
CHAPTER XV.
TJie commodore detects the macMnaiions of the con-
spirators^ and hires a tutor for Peregrine^ tohom he
settles at Winchester School.
This was not the least affliction he suffered from the
unwearied endeavours and inexhausted invention of
his tormentors, who harassed him with such a variety
of mischievous pranks, that he began to think all the
devils in hell had conspired against his peace; and
accordingly became very serious and contemplative on
the subject.
In the course of his meditations, when he recollected
and compared the circumstances of every mortification
to which he had been lately exposed, he could not
help suspecting that some of them must have contrived
to vex him ; and as he was not ignorant of his
lieutenant's disposition, nor unacquainted with the
talents of Peregrine, he resolved to observe them both
for the future with the utmost care and circumspection.
This resolution, aided by the incautious conduct of the
conspirators, whom, by this time, success had rendered
heedless and indiscreet, was attended with the desired
effect. He in a little time detected Perry in a new
plot, and by dint of a little chastisement, and a great
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 107
many threats, extorted from him a confession of all
the contrivances in which he had been concerned
The commodore was thmiderstruck at the discovery,
and so much incensed against Hatchway for the part
lie had acted in the whole, that he deliberated with
himself whether he should demand satisfaction with
sword and pistol, or dismiss him from the garrison,
and renounce all friendship with him at once. But he
had been so long accustomed to Jack's company that
he could not live without him ; and upon more cool ~
reflection, perceiving that what he had done was rather
the effect of wantonness than malice, which he himself
would have laughed to see take place upon any other
person, he determined to devour his chagrin, and
extend his forgiveness even to Pipes, whom in the first
sally of his passion he had looked upon in a more
criminal light than that of a simple mutineer. This
determination was seconded by another, which he
thought absolutely necessary for his own repose, and
in which his own interest, and that of his nephew,
concurred.
Peregrine, who was now turned of twelve, had made
such advances under the instruction of Jennings, that
he often disputed about grammar, and was sometimes
thought to have the better in his contests with the
parish priest, who, notwithstanding this acknowledged
superiority of his antagonist, did great justice to his
genius, which he assured Mr. Trunnion would be lost
for want of cultivation, if the boy was not immediately
sent to prosecute his studies at some proper seminary
of learning.
This maxim had been more than once inculcated
upon the commodore by Mrs. Trunnion, who, over
and above the deference she paid to the parson's
opinion, had a reason of her own for wishing to see
108 THE ADVENTURES OF
the house clear of Peregrme, at whose piyhig dis-
position she began to be very uneasy. Induced by
these motives, which were joined by the solicitation
of the youth himself, who ardently longed to see a
little more of the world, his uncle determined to send
him forthwith to Winchester, under the immediate
care and inspection of a governor, to whom he allowed
a very handsome appointment for that purpose. This
gentleman, whose name was Mr. Jacob Jolter, had
been schoolfellow with the parson of the parish, who
recommended him to Mrs. Trunnion as a person of
great worth and learning, in every respect qualified
for the office of a tutor. He likewise added, by way
of eulogium, that he was a man of exemplary piety,
and particularly zealous for the honour of the church,
of which he was a member, having been many years
in holy orders, though he did not then exercise any
function of the priesthood. Indeed, Mr. Jolter's zeal
was so exceedingly fervent as, on some occasions,
to get the better of his discretion ; for, being a high-
churchman, and of consequence a malcontent, his
resentment was habituated into an insurmountable
prejudice against the present disposition of affairs,
which, by confounding the nation with the ministry,
sometimes led him into erroneous, not to say absurd,
calculations, otherwise a man of good morals, well
versed in mathematics and school-divinity, studies
which had not at all contributed to sweeten and un-
bend the natural sourness and severity of his com-
plexion.
This gentleman being destined to the charge of
superintending Perry's education, everything was pre-
pared for their departure ; and Tom Pipes, in conse-
quence of his own petition, put into livery, and ap-
pointed footman to the young squire. But, before they
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 109
set out, the commodore paid the compliment of com-
mmiicating his design to Mr. Pickle, who approved
of the plan, though he durst not venture to see the
boy ; so much was he intimidated by the remonstrances
of his wife, whose aversion to her first-born became
every day more inveterate and unaccountable. This
unnatural caprice seemed to be supported by a con-
sideration which (one would imagine) might have
rather vanquished her disgust. Her second son Gam,
who was now in the fourth year of his age, had been
rickety from the cradle, and as remarkably un-
promising in appearance as Perry was agreeable in
his person. As the deformity increased, the mother's i
fondness was augmented, and the virulence of her
hate against the other son seemed to prevail in the
same proportion.
Far from allowing Perry to enjoy the common
privileges of a child, she would not suffer him to
approach his father's house, expressed uneasiness
whenever his name happened to be mentioned, sick-
ened at his praise, and in all respects behaved like a
most rancorous step-mother. Though she no longer
retained that ridiculous notion of his being an im-
postor, she still continued to abhor him as if she
really believed him to be such ; and when any person
desired to know the cause of her surprising dislike,
she always lost her temper, and peevishly replied
that she had reasons of her own which she was not
obliged to declare; nay, so much was she infected
by this vicious partiality, that she broke off all com-
merce with her sister-in-law and the commodore,
because they favoured the poor child with their coun-
tenance and protection.
Her malice, however, was frustrated by the love
and generosity of Trunnion, who having adopted him
110 THE ADVENTURES OF
as his own son, equipped him accordingly, and carried
him and his governor in his ot^ti coach to the place
of destination, where they were settled on a very
genteel footing, and everytliing regulated according
to their desires.
Mrs. Trunnion behaved with great decency at the
departure of their nephew, to whom, with a great
many pious advices and injunctions to behave with
submission and reverence towards his tutor, she pre-
sented a diamond ring of small value and a gold
medal as tokens of her friendship and esteem. As
for the lieutenant, he accompanied them in the coach ;
and such was the friendship he had contracted for
Perry, that when the commodore proposed to return
after having accomplished the intent of his journey,
Jack absolutely refused to attend him, and signified
his resolution to stay where he was.
Trunnion was the more startled at this declaration,
as Hatchway was become so necessary to him in
almost all the purposes of his life, that he foresaw
he should not be able to exist without his company.
Not a little affected with this consideration, he turned
his eyes ruefully upon the lieutenant, saying, in a
piteous tone of voice, ' What ! leave me at last. Jack,
' after we have weathered so many hard gales together ?
' D — my limbs ! I thought you had more of an honest
' heart. I looked upon you as my foremast, and Tom
' Pipes as my mizen ; now he is carried away, if so
' be as you go too, my standing rigging being decayed,
' d'ye see, the first squall will bring me by the board.
' D — ye, if in case I have given offence, can't you
' speak above-board ? and I shall make you amends.'
Jack, being ashamed to own the true situation of
his thoughts, after some hesitation, answered Avith per-
plexity and incoherence, ' No, d — me ! that an't the
PERFMRINE PICKLE. 1 1 I
case, neither; to be sure, you always used me in
an officer-like manner, that I must own, to give the
devil his due, as the saying is ; but, for all that, this
here is the case — I have some thoughts of going to
school myself to learn your Latin lingo, for, as the
saying is. Better late mend than never. And I am
informed as how one can get more for the money
here than anywhere else.'
In vain did Trunnion endeavour to convince him
of the folly of gomg to school at his years, by repre-
senting that the boys would make game of him, and
that he would become a laughing-stock to all the
world; he persisted in his resolution to stay, and the
commodore was fain to have recourse to the mediation
of Pipes and Perry, who employed their influence
with Jack, and at last prevailed upon him to return
to the garrison, after Trunnion had promised he should
be at liberty to visit them once a month. This stipu-
lation being settled, he and his friend took leave of
the pupil, governor, and attendant, and next morning
set out for their habitation, which they reached in
safety that same night.
Such was Hatchway's reluctance to leave Peregrine,
that he is said, for the first time in his life, to have
looked misty at parting. Certain I am, that on the
road homewards, after a long pause of silence, which
the commodore never dreamt of interrupting, he ex-
claimed, all on a sudden, ' I'll be d — if the dog
' ha'n't given me some stuff to make me love him.'
Indeed, there was something congenial in the dispo-
sition of these two friends which never failed to
manifest itself in the sequel, howsoever different their
education, circumstances, and connections happened
to be.
112 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER XVI.
Peregrine distinguishes himself among his schoolfellows^
exposes his tutor^ and attracts the particular notice
of the master.
Thus left to the prosecution of his studies, Peregrine
was in a little time a distinguished character, not only
for his acuteness of apprehension, but also for that
mischievous fertility of fancy of which we have already
given such pregnant examples. But as there was a
great number of such luminaries in this new sphere
to which he belonged, his talents were not so con-
spicuous, while they shone in his single capacity, as
they afterwards appeared when they concentrated and
reflected the rays of the whole constellation.
At first he confined himself to piddling game, exer-
cising his genius upon his own tutor, who attracted
his attention by endeavouring to season his mind with
certain political maxims, the fallacy of which he had
discernment enough to perceive. Scarcely a day
passed, in which he did not find means to render
Mr. Jolter the object of ridicule; his violent preju-
dices, ludicrous vanity, awkward solemnity, and ig-
norance of mankind, afforded continual food for the
raillery, petulance, and satire of his pupil, who never
neglected an opportunity of laughing and making
others laugh at his expense.
Sometimes in their parties, by mixing brandy in
his wine, he decoyed this pedagogue into a debauch,
during which his caution forsook him, and he exposed
himself to the censure of the company. Sometimes
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 113
when the conversation turned upon intricate subjects,
he practised upon him the Socratic method of con-
futation, and under pretence of being informed, by
an artful train of puzzling questions, insensibly be-
trayed him into self-contradiction.
All the remains of authority which he had hitherto
preserved over Peregrine soon vanished ; so that for
the future no sort of ceremony subsisted between
them ; and all Mr. Jolter's precepts were conveyed in
hints of friendly advice, which the other might either
follow or neglect at his own pleasure. No wonder then
that Peregrine gave a loose to his inclinations, and, by
dint of genius and an enterprising temper, made a
figure among the younger class of heroes in the
school.
Before he had been a full year at Winchester, he
had signalized himself in so many achievements, in
defiance of the laws and regulations of the place, that
he was looked upon with admiration, and actually
chosen Dux^ or leader, by a large body of his cotem-
poraries. It was not long before his fame reached the
ears of the master, who sent for Mr. Jolter, communi-
cated to him the information he had received, and
desired him to check the vivacity of his charge, and
redouble his vigilance in time to come, else he should
be obliged to make a public example of his pupil for
the benefit of the school.
The governor, conscious of his own unimportance,
was not a little disconcerted at this injunction, which it
was not in his power to fulfil by any compulsive
means. He therefore went home in a very pensive
mood, and after mature deliberation, resolved to ex-
postulate with Peregrine in the most familiar terms,
and endeavoured to dissuade him from practices which
might affect his character as well as interest. He ac-
VOL. III. 8
114 THE ADVENTURES OF
cordingly frankly told him the subject of his master's
discourse, represented the disgrace he might incur by
neglecting this warning, and, putting him in mind of
his own situation, hinted the consequences of the com-
modore's displeasure, in case he should be brought to
disapprove of his conduct. These insinuations made
the greater impression as they were delivered with
many expressions of friendship and concern. The
young gentleman was not so raw, but that he could
perceive the solidity of Mr. Jolter's advice, to which
he promised to conform, because his pride was interested
in the affair ; and he considered his own reformation as
the only means of avoiding that infamy which even in
idea he could not bear.
^ His governor, finding him so reasonable, profited
by these moments of reflection ; and in order to pre-
vent a relapse, proposed that he should engage in
some delightful study that would agreeably amuse his
imagination, and gradually detach him from those con-
nections which had involved him in so many trouble-
some adventures. For this purpose he, with many
rapturous encomiums, recommended the mathematics,
as yielding more rational and sensible pleasures to a
youthful fancy than any other subject of contemplation ;
and actually began to read Euclid with him that same
afternoon.
Peregrine entered upon this branch of learning with
all that warmth of application which boys commonly
yield on the first change of study ; but he had scarcely
advanced beyond the Pons Asinorum^ when his ardour
abated ; the test of truth by demonstration did not
elevate him to those transports of joy with which his
preceptor had regaled his expectation ; and before he
arrived at the fortieth-and-seventh proposition, he
began to yawn di*earily, make abundance of wry faces,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 115
and thought himself but indifferently paid for his atten-
tion, when he shared the vast discovery of Pythagoras,
and understood that the square of the hypothenuse was
equal to the squares of the other two sides of a right-
angled triangle. He was ashamed, however, to fail in
his undertaking, and persevered, with great industry,
until he had finished the first four books, acquired plain
trigonometry, with the method of algebraical calcula-
tion, and made himself well acquainted with the prin-
ciples of surveying. But no consideration could
prevail upon him to extend his inquiries farther in this
science ; and he returned with double relish to his
former avocations, like a stream which, being dammed,
accumulates more force, and, bursting over its mounds,
rushes down with double impetuosity.
Mr. Jolter saw this with astonishment and chagrin,
but could not resist the torrent. His behaviour was
now no other than a series of licence and effrontery *,
prank succeeded prank, and outrage followed outrage,
with surprising velocity. Complaints were every day
preferred against him ; in vain were admonitions be-
stowed by the governor in private, and menaces dis-
charged by the masters in public ; he disregarded the
first, despised the latter, divested himself of all manner
of restraint, and proceeded in his career to such a pitch
of audacity, that a consultation was holden upon the
subject, in which it was determined that this untoward
spirit should be humbled by a severe and ignominious
flogging for the very next offence he should commit.
In the meantime Mr. Jolter was desired to write in the
master's name to the commodore, requesting him to
remove Tom Pipes from the person of his nephew, the
said Pipes being a principal actor and abettor in all his
malversations, and to put a stop to the monthly visita-
tions of the mutilated lieutenant, who had never once
8—2
IIG THE ADVENTURES OF
failed to use his permission, but came punctual to a
day, always fraught with some new invention. Indeed,
by this time Mr. Hatchway was as well known and
much better beloved by every boy in the school than
the master who instructed him, and always received
by a number of scholars, who used to attend Peregrine
when he went forth to meet his friend, and conduct
him to his lodging with public testimonies of joy and
applause.
As for Tom Pipes, he was not so properly the atten-
dant of Peregrine as master of the revels to the whole
school. He mingled in all their parties, and super-
intended the diversions, deciding between boy and boy,
as if he acted by commission under the great seal. He
regulated their motions by his whistle, instructed the
young boys in the games of hustle-cap, leap-frog, and
chuck-farthing ; imparted to those of a more advanced
age the sciences of cribbage and all-fours, together
Avith the method of storming the castle, acting the
comedy of ' Prince Arthur,' and other pantomimes, as
they are commonly exhibited at sea; and instructed
the seniors, who were distinguislied by the appellation
of bloods, in cudgel-playing, dancing the St. Giles's
hornpipe, drinking flip, and smoking tobacco. These
qualifications had rendered him so necessary and ac-
ceptable to the scholars, that, exclusive of Perry's con-
cern in the affair, his dismission in all probability
would have produced some dangerous convulsion in
the community. Jolter, therefore, knowing his im-
portance, informed his pupil of the directions he had
received, and very candidly asked how he should
demean himself in the execution; for he durst not
write to the commodore without this previous notice,
fearing that the young gentleman, as soon as he should
get an inkling of the affair, would follow the example,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 117
and make his uncle acquainted with certain anecdotes
which it was the governor's interest to keep concealed.
Peregrine was of opinion that he should spare hiraself
the trouble of conveying any complaints to the com-
modore ; and if questioned by the master, assure him
he had complied with his desire ; at the same time he
promised faithfully to conduct himself with such cir-
cumspection for the future, that the masters should
have no temptation to revive the inquiry. But the
resolution attending this extorted promise was too frail
to last, and in less than a fortnight our young hero
found himself entangled in an adventure, from which
he was not extricated with his usual good fortune.
CHAPTER XVII.
He is concerned in a dangerous adventure with a certain
gardener ; sublimes his ideas^ commences gallant^ and
becomes acquainted loith Miss Emily Gauntlet.
He and some of his companions one day entered a
garden in the suburbs, and having indulged their
appetites, desired to know what satisfaction they must
make for the fruit they had pulled. The gardener
demanded what (in their opinion) was an exorbitant
price, and they with many opprobrious terms refused
to pay it. The peasant, being surly and untractable,
insisted upon his right; neither was he deficient or
sparing in the eloquence of vulgar abuse. His guests
attempted to retreat; a scuffle ensued, in which
Peregrine lost his cap, and the gardener being in
danger, from the number of his foes, called to his wife
118 THE ADVENTURES OF
to let loose tlic clog, wlio instantly flew to Ms master's
assistance ; and after having* torn the leg of one and
the shoulder of another, put the whole body of scholars
pto flight. Enraged at the indignity which had been
1 oflered them, they solicited a reinforcement of their
friends, and with Tom Pipes at their head, marched
back to the field of battle. Their adversary seeing
them approach, called his apprentice, who worked at
the other end of the gromid, to his assistance, armed
him with a mattock, while he himself wielded a hoe,
bolted his door on the inside, and flanked with his
man and mastiff, waited the attack without flinching.
He had not remained three minutes in this posture of
defence, when Pipes, who acted as the enemy's forlorn
hope, advanced to the gate with great intrepidity, and
clapping his foot to the door, which was none of the
stoutest, with the execution and despatch of a petard,
split it into a thousand pieces. This sudden execution
had an immediate effect upon the apprentice, who
retreated with great precipitation, and escaped at a
postern. But the master placed himself like another
Hercules in the breach ; and when Pipes, brandishing
his cudgel, stepped forward to engage him, levelled his
weapon with such force and dexterity at his head, that
had the skull been made of penetrable stuff, the iron
edge must have cleft his pate in twain. Oasemated
as he was, the instrument cut sheer even to the bone,
on which it struck with such amazing violence, that
^parks of real fire were produced by the colh'sion.
Lud let not the incredulous reader pretend to doubt
"the truth of this phenomenon, until he shall have first
perused the ingenious Peter Kolben's ' Natural History
' of the Cape of Good Hope,' where the inhabitants
commonly used to strike fire with the shin-bones of
lions which have been killed in that part of Africa.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 119
Pipes, though a little disconcerted, far from being
disabled by the blow, in a trice retorted the compli-
ment with his truncheon, which, had not his antagonist
expeditiously slipped his head aside, would have laid
him breathless across his own threshold ; but happily
for him, he received the salutation upon his right
shoulder, which crashed beneath the stroke, and the
hoe dropped instantly from his tingling hand. Tom
perceiving, and being unwilling to forego the ad-
vantage he had gained, darted his head into the bosom
of this son of earth and overturned him on the plain,
being himself that instant assaulted by the mastiff, who
fastened upon the outside of his thigh. Feeling him-
self incommoded by this assailant in his rear, he
quitted the prostrate gardener to the resentment of his'
associates, who poured upon him in shoals, and turning
about, laid hold with both his hands of this ferocious
animal's throat,^which he squeezed with such in-
credible force and perseverance that the creature
quitted his hold ; his tongue lolled out of his jaws, the
blood started from his eyes, and he swung a lifeless
trunk between the hands of his vanquisher.
It was well for his master that he did not longer
exist, for by this time he was overwhelmed by such
a multitude of foes, that his whole body scarce afforded
points of contact to all the fists that drummed upon it;
consequently, to use a vulgar phrase, his wind was
almost knocked out before Pipes had leisure to inter-
pose in his behalf, and persuade his offenders to desist,
by representing that the wife had gone to alarm the
neighbourhood, and that in all probability they would
be intercepted in their return. They accordingly
listened to his remonstrances, and marched homewards
in triumph, leaving the gardener in the embraces of his
mother earth, from which he had not power to move
120 THE ADVENTURES OF
when he was found by his disconsolate helpmate and
some friends whom she had assembled for his assist-
ance. Among these was a blacksmith and farrier,
who took cognizance of his carcass, every limb of
which having examined, he declared there was no bone
broke, and taking out his fleam, blooded him plentifully
as he lay. He was then conveyed to his bed, from
which he was not able to stir during a whole month.
His family coming upon the parish, a formal complaint
was made to the master of the school, and Peregrine
represented as the ringleader of those who committed
this barbarous assault. An inquiry was immediately
set on foot, and the articles of impeachment being fully
' diwv pi'*^"^®^7 ^^^^ hero was sentenced to be severely chas-
\^>^ /^^ised in the face of the whole school. This was a
yv^ \ disgrace the thoughts of which his proud heart could
not brook. He resolved to make his elopement rather
than undergo the punishment to which he was doomed ;
and having signified his sentiments to his confederates,
they promised one and all to stand by him, and either
screen him from chastisement, or share his fate.
Confiding in this friendly protestation, he appeared
unconcerned on the day that was appointed for his
punishment ; and when he was called to his destiny,
advanced towards the scene, attended by the greatest
part of the scholars, who intimated their determination
to the master, and proposed that Peregrine should be
forgiven. The superior behaved with that dignity of
demeanour which became his place, represented the
folly and presumption of their demand, reprehended
them for their audacious proceeding, and ordered every
boy to his respective station. They obeyed his com-
mand, and our unfortunate hero was publicly horsed,
in terroixm of all whom it might concern.
This disgrace had a very sensible effect upon the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 121
mind of Peregrine, who, having by this time passed
the fom'teenth year of his age, began to adopt the
pride and sentiments of a man. Thus dishonourably ^^
stigmatized, he was ashamed to appear in public as
usual ; he was incensed against his companions for
their infidelity and irresolution, and plunged into a
profound reverie that lasted several weeks, during
which he shook off his boyish connexions, and fixed
his view upon objects which he thought more worthy
of his attention.
In the course of his gymnastic exercises, at which
he was very expert, he contracted intimacies with
several youths who were greatly his superiors in point
of age, and who, pleased with his aspiring gemus and*-^
address, introduced him into parties of gallantry which
strongly captivated his inclination. He was by nature
particularly adapted for succeeding in adventures of
this kind; over and above a most engaging person
that improved with his years, he possessed a dignified^
assurance, an agreeable ferocity which enhanced the
conquest of the fair who had the good fortune to
enslave him, unlimited generosity, and a fund o£i
humour which never failed to please. Nor was he
deficient in the more solid accomplishments of youth ;
he had profited in his studies beyond expectation, and
besides that sensibility of discernment which is the
foundation of taste, and in consequence of which he
distinguished and enjoyed the beauties of the classics,
he had already given several specimens of a very
promising poetic talent.
With this complexion, and these qualifications, no
wonder that our hero attracted the notice and aftec-
tions of the young Delias in town, whose hearts had
just begun to flutter for they knew not what. Inquiries
were made concerning his condition ; and no sooner
122 THE ADVENTURES OF
were his expectations known tlian lie was invited and
caressed by all tlie parents, while their daughters vied
with each other in treating him with particular com-
placency. He inspired love and emulation wherever
he appeared; envy and jealous rage followed of course;
so that he became a very desirable, though a very
dangerous acquaintance. His moderation was not
equal to his success ; his vanity took the lead of his
passions, dissipating his attention, which might other-
wise have fixed him to one object ; and he was pos-
sessed with the rage of increasing the number of his
conquests. With this view he frequented public walks,
concerts, and assemblies, became remarkably rich and
fashionable in his clothes, gave entertainments to the
ladies, and was in the utmost hazard of turning out a
most egregious coxcomb.
While his character thus wavered between the ridi-
cule of some and the regard of others, an accident
happened, which, by contracting his view to one
object, detached him from those vain pursuits that
would in time have plunged him into an abyss of
folly and contempt. Being one evening at the ball
which is always given to the ladies at the time of
the races, the person who acted as master of the cere-
monies, knowing how fond Mr. Pickle was of every
opportunity to display himself, came up and told him
that there was a fine young creature at the other end
of the room who seemed to have a great inclination to
dance a minuet, but wanted a partner, the gentleman
who attended her being in boots.
Peregrine's vanity being aroused at this intimation,
he went up to reconnoitre the young lady, and was
struck with admiration at her beauty. She seemed
to be of his own age, was tall, and though slender,
exquisitely shaped ; her hair was auburn, and in such
PEREGBINE PICKLE. 123
plenty, that tlie barbarity of dress had not been able
to prevent it from shading both sides of her forehead,
which was high and polished ; the contour of her face
was oval, her nose very little raised into the aquiline
form, that contributed to the spirit and dignity of her
aspect ; her mouth was small, her lips plump, juicy,
and delicious *, her teeth regular, and white as driven
snow ; her complexion incredibly delicate, and glowing
with health ; and her full blue eyes beamed forth
vivacity and love ; her mien was at the same time
commanding and engaging, her address perfectly
genteel, and her whole appearance so captivating,
that our young Adonis looked and was overcome.
He no sooner recollected himself from his astonish-
ment, than he advanced to her with a graceful air of
respect, and begged she would do him the honour
to walk a minuet with him. She seemed particularly
pleased with his application, and very frankly com-
plied with his request. This pair was too remarkable
to escape the particular notice of the company. Mr.
Pickle was well known by almost everybody in the
room, but his partner was altogether a new face, and
of consequence underwent the criticism of all the
ladies in the assembly ; one whispered, ' She has a
' good complexion, but don't you think she is a little
' awry?' a second pitied her for her masculine nose;
a third observed that she was awkward for want of
seeing company ; a fourth distinguished something
very bold in her countenance ; and, in short, there
was not a beauty in her whole composition which
the glass of envy did not pervert into a blemish.
The men, however, looked upon her with different
eyes; among them her appearance produced a uni-
versal murmur of applause; they encircled the space
on which she danced, and were enchanted by her
24 THE ADVENTURES OE
graceful motion. While tliej launched out in the
praise of her, they expressed their displeasure at the
good fortune of her partner, whom they d — for
a little finical coxcomb that was too much engrossed
by the contemplation of his own person to discern or
deserve the favour of his fate. He did not hear, there-
fore could not repine at, these invectives; but while
they imagined he indulged his vanity, a much more
generous passion had taken possession of his heart.
Instead of that petulance of gaiety for which he had
been distinguished in liis public appearance, he now
gave manifest signs of confusion and concern ; he
danced with an anxiety which impeded his perform-
ance, and blushed to the eyes at every false step he
made. Though this extraordinary agitation was over-
looked by the men, it could not escape the observation
of the ladies, who perceived it with equal surprise and
resentment; and when Peregrine led this fair un-
known to her seat, expressed their pique in an affected
titter, which broke from every mouth at the same
instant, as if all of them had been informed by the
same spirit.
Peregrine was nettled at this unmannerly mark of
disapprobation, and in order to increase their chagrin,
endeavoured to enter into particular conversation with
their fair rival. The young lady herself, who neither
wanted penetration nor the consciousness of her own
accomplishments, resented their behaviour, though she
triumphed at the cause of it, and gave her partner all
the encouragement he could desire. Her mother, who
was present, thanked him for his civility in taking
such notice of a stranger ; and he received a com-
pliment of the same nature from the young gentleman
in boots, who was her own brother.
If he was charmed with her appearance, he was
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 125
quite ravished with her discourse, which was sensible,
spirited, and gay. Her frank and sprightly demeanour
excited his own confidence and good-humour ; and he
described to her the characters of those females who
had honoured them with such a spiteful mark of dis-
tinction, in terms so replete with humorousc^atire^
that she seemed to listen with particular complacency
of attention, and distinguished every nymph thus ridi-
culed with such a significant glance, as overwhelmed ^
her with chagrin and mortification. In short, they
seemed to relish each other's conversation, during
which our young Damon acquitted himself with great
skill in all the duties of gallantry; he laid hold of
proper opportunities to express his admiration of her
charms, had recourse to the silent rhetoric of tender
looks, breathed divers insidious sighs, and attached
himself wholly to her during the remaining part of
the entertainment.
When the company broke up, he attended her to her
lodgings, and took leave of her with a squeeze of the
hand, after having obtained permission to visit her
next morning, and been informed by the mother that
her name was Miss Emilia Gauntlet.
All night long he closed not an ey^, but amused
himself with plans of pleasure, which his imagination
suggested, in consequence of this new acquaintance.
He rose with the lark, adjusted his hair into an agree-
able negligence of curl, and dressing himself in a
genteel grey frock, trimmed with silver binding, waited
with the utmost impatience for the hour of ten, which
no sooner struck than he hied liim to the place of
appointment, and inquiring for Miss Gauntlet, was
shown into a parlour. Here he had not waited above
ten minutes, when Emilia entered in a most enchant-
ing undress, with all the graces of nature playing
126 THE ADVENTURES OF
about her person, and in a moment riveted tlie cliains
of his slavery beyond the power of accident to unbind.
Her mother being still a-bed, and her brother gone
to give orders about the chaise, in which they pro-
posed to return that same day to their own habitation,
he enjoyed her company tete-d-Ute a whole hour,
during which he declared his love in the most
passionate terms, and begged that he might be ad-
mitted into the number of those admirers whom she
permitted to visit and adore her.
She affected to look upon his vows and protesta-
tions as the ordinary effects of gallantry, and very
obligingly assured him, that, were she to live in that
place, she would be glad to see him often ; but as
the spot on which she resided was at a considerable
distance, she could not expect he would go so far,
upon such a trifling occasion, as to take the trouble
of providing himself with her mamma's permission.
To this favourable hint he answered, with all the
eagerness of the most fervid passion, that he had
uttered nothing but the genuine dictates of his heart ;
that he desired nothing so much as an opportunity
of evincing the sincerity of his professions ; and that,
though he lived at the extremity of the kingdom, he
would find means to lay himself at her feet, provided
he could visit her with her mother's consent, which
he assured her he would not fail to solicit.
She then gave him to understand that her habita-
tion was about sixteen miles from Winchester, in a
village wliich she named, and where (as he could
easily collect from her discourse) he would be no
unwelcome guest.
In the midst of this communication they were
joined by Mrs. Gauntlet, who received him with great
courtesy, thanking him again for his politeness to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 127
Emy at the ball, and anticipated his intention, by
saying that she should be very glad to see him at
her house, if ever his occasions should call him that
way.
CHAPTEE XVIII.
He inquires into the situation of this young lady loitJi
lohom he is enamoured; elopes from school ; is found
hy the lieutenant ; conveyed to Winchester ; and sends
a letter' with a copy of verses to his mistress.
He was transported with pleasure at this invitation,
which he assured her he should not neglect ; and
after a little more conversation on general topics, took
his leave of the charming Emilia, and her prudent
mamma, who had perceived the first emotions of
Mr. Pickle's passion for her daughter, and been at
some pains to inquire about his family and fortune.
Neither was Peregrine less inquisitive about the
situation and pedigTce of his new mistress, who, he
learned, was the only daughter of a field-of&cer, who
died before he had it in his power to make suitable
provision for his children; that the widow lived in
a frugal, though decent manner, on her pension,
assisted by the bounty of her relations ; that the son
carried arms as volunteer in the company which his
father had commanded; and that Emilia had been
educated in London, at the expense of a rich ancle,
who was seized with the whim of marrying at the
age of fifty-five; in consequence of which his niece had
returned to her mother, without any visible depend-
ence, except on her own conduct and qualifications.
128 THE ADVENTURES OF
This account, though it could not diminish his affec-
tion, nevertheless alarmed his pride ; for his warm
imagination had exaggerated all his own prospects;
and he began to fear that his passion for Emilia might
be thought to derogate from the dignity of his situa-
tion. The struggle between his interest and love
produced a perplexity which had an evident effect
upon his behaviour; he became pensive, solitary, and
peevish, avoided all public diversions, and grew so
remarkably negligent in his dress, that he was scarcely
distinguishable by his own acquaintance. This con-
tention of thoughts continued for several weeks, at the
end of which the charms of Emilia triumphed over
every other consideration. Having received a supply
of money from the commodore, who acted towards him
with great generosity, he ordered Pipes to put up some
linen and other necessaries, in a sort of knapsack
which he could conveniently carry, and thus attended,
set out early one morning on foot for the village where
his charmer lived, at which he arrived before two
o'clock in the afternoon ; having chosen this method of
travelling that his route might not be so easily dis-
covered, as it must have been had he hired horses or
taken a place in the stage-coach.
The first thing he did was to secure a convenient
lodging at the inn where he dined ; he then shifted
himself, and according to the direction he had received,
went to the house of Mrs. Gauntlet in a transport of
joyous expectation. As he approached the gate, his
agitation increased; he knocked witli impatience and
concern ; the door opened, and he had actually asked
if Mrs. Gauntlet was at home before he perceived that
the portress was no other than his dear Emilia. She
was not without emotion at the unexpected sight of her
lover, who instantly recognising his charmer, obeyed
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 129
the Irresistible impulse of liis love, and caught the fair
creature in his arms. Nor did she seem offended at
this forwardness of behaviour, which might have dis-
pleased another of a less open disposition or less used
to the freedom of a sensible education ; j^but her natural
frankness had been encouraged and improved by the
easy and familiar intercourse in which she had been
bredjjand therefore, instead of reprimanding him with
a severity of look, she with great good humour rallied
him upon his assurance, which she observed was un-
doubtedly the effect of his own conscious merit; and
conducted him into a parlour, where he found her
mother, who, in very polite terms, expressed her satis-
faction at seeing him within her house.
After tea, Miss Emy proposed an evening walk,
which they enjoyed through a variety of little copses
and lawns, w.atered_Jby a mos t rom antic stream, that
quite_miclianted the imagiiiation of Peregrine.
It was late before they returned from this agreeable
excursion ; and when our lover wished the ladies good
night, Mrs. Gauntlet insisted upon his staying to
supper, and treated him with particular demonstra-
tions of regard and affection. As her economy was
not encumbered with an unnecessary number of do-
mestics, her own presence was often required in
different parts of the house, so that the young gentle-
man was supplied with frequent qpportjmities of pro-
moting his suit, by all the tender oaths and insinuations
that his passion could suggest. He protested her ideu -
had taken such entire possession of his heart, that
finding himself unable to support her absence one day
longer, he had quitted his studies and left his governor
by stealth, that he might visit the object of his adora-
tion, and be blessed in her company for a few days
without interruption.
VOL. III. 9
?
130 THE ADVENTURES OF
She listened to his addresses with such affability as
denoted approbation and delight, and gently chid him
as a thoughtless truant, but carefully avoided the con-
fession of a mutual flame, because she discerned, in the
midst of all his tenderness, a levity of pride which she
durst not venture to trust with such a declaration.
Perhaps she was confirmed in tliis caution by her
mother, who very wisely, in her civilities to him,
maintained a sort of ceremonious distance, which she
thought not only requisite for the honour and interest
of her family, but likewise for her own exculpation
should she ever be taxed with having encouraged or
abetted him in the imprudent sallies of his youth ; yet,
notwithstanding this affected reserve, he was treated
with such distinction by both, that he was ravished
with his situation, and became more and more en-
amoured every day.
While he remained under the influence of this sweet
intoxication, his absence produced great disturbance
at Winchester. Mr. Jolter was grievously afflicted at
his abrupt departure, which alarmed him the more as
it happened after a long fit of melancholy which he
had perceived in his pupil. He communicated his
apprehensions to the master of the school, who advised
him to apprise the commodore of his nephew's disap-
pearance, and in the meantime inquire at all the inns
in town whether he had hu-ed horses, or any sort of
carriage, for his conveyance, or was met with on the
road by any person who could give an account of the
direction in which he travelled.
This scrutiny, though performed with great diligence
and minuteness, was altogether ineffectual ; they could
obtain no intelligence of the runaway. Mr. Trunnion
was well nigh distracted at the news of his flight ; he
raved with great fury at the imprudence of Peregrine,
PEREGEINE PICKLE. 131
whom, in his first transports, he d — as an ungrateful
deserter; then he cursed Hatchway and Pipes, who,
he swore, had foundered the lad by theii- pernicious
counsels ; and lastly, transferred his execrations upon
Jolter, because he had not kept a better look-out;
finally, he made an apostrophe to that son of a bitch
the gout, which, for the present, disabled him from
searching for his nephew in person. That he might
not, however, neglect any means in his power, he
immediately despatched expresses to all the sea-port
towns on that coast, that he might be prevented from
leaving the kingdom ; and the lieutenant, at his own
desire, was sent across the country in quest of this
young fugitive.
Four days had he unsuccessfully carried on his in-
quiries with great accuracy, when, resolving to return
by Winchester, where he hoped to meet with some
hints of intelligence by which he might profit in his
future search, he struck off the common road to take
the benefit of a nearer cut, and finding himself be-
nighted near a village, took up his lodgings at the
first inn to which his horse directed him. Having
bespoke something for supper and retired to his chamber,
where he amused himself with a pipe, he heard a con-
fused noise of rustic jollity, "which being all on a sudden
interrupted, after a short pause his ear was saluted with
the voice of Pipes, who, at the solicitation of the com-
pany, began to entertain them with a song.
Hatchway instantly recognised the well-known
sound, in which, indeed, he could not possibly be de-
ceived, as nothing in nature bore the least resemblance
to it. He threw his pipe into the chimney, and snatch-
ing up one of his pistols, ran immediately to the apart-
ment whence the voice issued. He no sooner entered
than, distinguishing his old shipmate in a crowd of
9—2
132 THE ADVENTURES OF
country peasants, he, in a moment, sprang upon him,
and clapping his pistol to his breast, exclaimed,
^ D — you. Pipes; you are a dead man if you don't
' immediately produce young master.'
This menacing application had a, much greater effect
upon the company than upon Tom, who looking at the
lieutenant with great tranquillity, replied, ' Why so I
'can, Master Hatchway.' 'What! safe and sound?'
cried the other. 'As a roach,' answered Pipes, so much
to the satisfaction of his friend Jack, that he shook him
by the hand, and desired him to proceed with his song.
This being performed, and the reckoning discharged,
the two friends adjourned to the other room, where the
lieutenant was informed of the manner in which the
young gentleman had made his elopement from college,
as well as of the other particulars of his present situa-
tion, as far as they had fallen within the sphere of his
comprehension.
While they sat thus conferring together. Peregrine
having taken leave of his mistress for the night, came
home, and was not a little surprised when Hatchway,
entering his chamber in his sea-attitude, thrust out his
hand by way of salutation. His old pupil received
him as usual, with great cordiality, and expressed his
astonishment at meeting him in that place ; but when
he understood the cause and intention of his arrival,
he started with concern ; and, his visage glowing with
indignation, told him he was old enough to be judge of
his own conduct, and when he should see it convenient,
would return of himself; but those who thought he
was to be compelled to his duty, would find themselves
egregiously deceived.
The lieutenant assured him that, for his own part,
he had no intention to offer him the least violence ;
but at the same time, he represented to him the danger
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 133
of incensing the commodore, who was already almost
distracted on account of his absence; and, in short,
conveyed his arguments, which were equally obvious
and valid, in such expressions of friendship and
respect, that Peregrine yielded to his remonstrances,
and promised to accompany him next day to Win-
chester.
Hatchway, overjoyed at the success of his negotia-
tion, went immediately to the hostler, and bespoke a
post-chaise for Mr. Pickle and his man, with whom he
afterwards indulged himself in a double can of rumbo,
and when the night was pretty far advanced, left the
lover to his repose, or rather to the thorns of his own
meditation; for he slept not one moment, being in-"*
cessantly tortured with the prospect of parting from his
divine Emilia, who had now acquired the most abso-
lute empire over his soul. One minute he proposed to
depart early in the morning without seeing this en-
chantress, in whose bewitching presence he durst not
trust his own resolution. Then the thoughts of leaving
her in such an abrupt and disrespectful manner inter-
posed in favour of his love and honour. This war of
sentiments kept him all night upon the rack, and it
was time to rise before he had determined to visit his
charmer, and candidly impart the motives that induced
him to leave her.
He accordingly repaired to her mother's house with
a heavy heart, being attended to the gate by Hatch-
way, who did not choose to leave him alone; and
being admitted, found Emilia just risen, and, in his
opinion, more beautiful than ever.
Alarmed at his early visit, and the gloom that over-
spread his countenance, she stood in silent expectation
of hearing some melancholy tidings ; and it was not till
after a considerable pause that he collected resolution
134 THE ADVENTURES OF
enough to tell her he was come to take his leave.
Though she strove to conceal her sorrow, nature was
not to be suppressed; every feature of her coun-
tenance saddened in a moment, and it was not without
the utmost difficulty that she kept her lovely eyes from
overflowing. He saw the situation of her thoughts,
and in order to alleviate her concern, assured her
he should find means to see her again in a very few
weeks; meanwhile, he communicated his reasons for
departing, in which she readily acquiesced; and
having mutually consoled each other, their transports
of grief subsided, and before Mrs. Gauntlet came down-
stairs, they were in a condition to behave with great
decency and resignation.
This good lady expressed her concern when she
learned his resolution, saying she hoped his occasions
and inclinations would permit him to favour them with
his agreeable company another time.
The lieutenant, who began to be uneasy at Pere-
grine's stay, knocked at the door, and being introduced
by his friend, had the honour of breakfasting with the
ladies; on w^hich occasion his heart received such a
rude shock from the charms of Emilia, that he after-
wards made a merit with his friend of having con-
strained himself so far as to forbear commencing his
professed rival.
At length they bade adieu to their kind entertainers,
and in less than an hour, setting out from the inn,
arrived about two o'clock in Winchester, where Mr.
Jolter was overwhelmed with joy at their appearance.
The nature of this adventure being unknown to all
except those who could be depended upon, everybody
who inquired about the cause of Peregrine's absence
was told that he had been with a relation in the
country, and the master condescended to overlook his
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 135
indiscretion; so that Hatchway, seeing everything
settled to the satisfaction of his friend, returned to the
garrison, and gave the commodore an account of his
expedition.
The old gentleman was very much startled when he
heard there was a lady in the case; and very em-
phatically observed, that a man had better be sucked
into the Gulf of Florida than once get into the in-
draught of a woman; because in one case he may,
with good pilotage, bring out his vessel safe between
the Bahamas and the Indian shore ; but in the other
there is no outlet at all, and it is in vain to strive
against the current; so that of course he must be
embayed, and run chuck upon a lee shore. He
resolved, therefore, to lay the state of the case before
Mr. Gamaliel Pickle, and concert such measures with
him as should be thought likeliest to detach his son
from the pursuit of an idle amour, which could not fail
of interfering in a dangerous manner with the plan of
his education.
In the meantime. Perry's ideas were totally en-
grossed by his amiable mistress, who, whether he slept
or waked, was still present in his imagination, which
produced the following stanzas in her praise : —
Adieu, ye streams tliat smoothly flow,
Ye vernal airs that softly blow,
Ye plains by blooming spring aiTay'd,
Ye birds that warble thro' the shade.
Unhurt from you my soul could fly.
Nor drop one tear, nor heave one sigh ;
But, forc'd from Celia's charms to part,
All joy deserts my drooping heart.
136 THE ADVENTURES OF
III.
1 fairer than the rosy morn,
When flowers the dewy fields adorn ;
Unsullied as the genial ray,
That warms the balmy breeze of May.
rv.
Thy charms divinely bright appear,
And add new splendour to the year ;
Improve the day with fresh delight,
And gild with joy the dreary night !
This juvenile production was enclosed in a very
tender billet to Emilia, and committed to the charge of
Pipes, who was ordered to set out for Mrs. Gauntlet's
habitation, with a present of venison, and a compli-
ment to the ladies ; and directed to take some oppor-
tunity of delivering the letter to miss without the
knowledge of her mamma.
CHAPTER XIX.
His messenger meets with a misfortune^ to lohich he
applies a very extraordinary expedient thai is attended
with strange consequences.
As a stage-coach passed within two miles of the village
where she lived, Tom bargained with the driver for a
seat on the box, and, accordingly, departed on this
message, though he was but indifferently qualified for
commissions of such a nature. Having received par-
ticular injunctions about the letter, he resolved to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 137
make that the chief object of his care, and very
sagaciously conveyed it between his stockings and the
sole of his foot, where he thought it would be perfectly
secure from all injury and accident. Here it remained
until he arrived at the inn where he had formerly
lodged, when, after having refreshed himself with a
draught of beer, he pulled off his stocking, and found
the poor billet sullied with dust, and torn in a
thousand tatters by the motion of his foot in walking
the last two miles of his journey. Thunderstruck at
this phenomenon, he uttered a long and loud whew !
which was succeeded by an exclamation of ' d — my
' old shoes ! A bite, by G — ! ' Then he rested his elbows
on the table, and his forehead upon his two fists, and
in that attitude, deliberated with himself upon the
means of remedying this misfortune.
As he was not distracted by a vast number of ideas,
he soon concluded that his best expedient would be to \^
employ the clerk of the parish, who he knew was a ■^'^
great scholar, to write another epistle according to the ^
directions he should give him ; and never dreaming
that the mangled original would in the least facilitate
this scheme, he very wisely committed it to the flames,
that it might never rise up in judgment against him.
Having taken this wise step, he went in quest of the
scribe, to whom he communicated his business, and
promised a full pot by way of gratification. The clerk, •
who was also schoolmaster, proud of an opportunity
to distinguish his talents, readily undertook the task ;
and repairing with his employer to the inn, in less than
a quarter of an hour produced a morsel of eloquence
so much to the satisfaction of Pipes, that he squeezed
his hand by way of acknowledgment, and doubled
his allowance of beer. This being discussed, our
courier betook himself to the house of Mrs. Gauntlet,
138 THE ADVENTURES OF . K\o^^
with the haunch of venison and this succedaneous
letter, and delivered his message to the mother, who
received it with great respect, and many kind inquiries
about the health and welfare of his master, attempting
to tip the messenger a crown, which he absolutely
refused to accept, in consequence of Mr. Pickle's re-
peated caution. While the old gentlewoman turned to
a servant in order to give directions about the disposal
of the present. Pipes looked upon this as a favourable
occasion to transact his business with Emilia, and
therefore, shutting one eye, with a jerk of his thumb
towards his left shoulder, and a most significant twist
of his countenance, he beckoned the young lady into
another room, as if he had been fraught with some-
thing of consequence, which he wanted to impart. She
understood the hint, howsoever strangely communi-
cated, and by stepping to one side of the room, gave
him an opportunity of slipping the epistle into her
hand, which he gently squeezed at_the__same time in
token of regard ; then throwing a side-glance at the
mother, whose back was turned, clapped his finger on
the side of his nose, thereby recommending secrecy
and discretion.
Emilia, conveying the letter into her bosom, could
not help smiling at Tom's politeness and dexterity ;
but lest her mamma should detect him in the execution
of his pantomime, she broke off this intercourse of
signs, by asking aloud when he proposed to set out on
his return to Winchester ; when he answered, ' To-
' morrow morning.' Mrs. Gauntlet recommended him
to the hospitality of her own footman, desiring him to
make much of Mr. Pipes below, where he was kept to
supper, and very cordially entertained. Our young
heroine, impatient to read her lover's billet, which
made her heart throb with rapturous expectation, re-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 139
tired to her chamber as soon as possible, with a view
of perusing the contents, which were these :
' Divine empress of my soul !
' If the refulgent flames of your beauty had not
evaporated the particles of my transported brain, and
scorched my intellects into a cinder of stolidity, per-
haps the resplendency of my passion might shine
illustrious through the sable curtain of my ink, and in
sublimity transcend the galaxy itself, though wasted
on the pinions of a gi'ey-goose quill ! But, ah !
celestial enchantress ! the necromancy of thy tyran-
nical charms had fettered my faculties with ada-
mantine chains, which, unless thy compassion shall
melt, I must eternally remain in the Tartarean gulph
of dismal despair. Vouchsafe, therefore, O thou
brightest luminary of this terrestrial sphere ! to warm
as well as shine; and let the genial rays of thy
benevolence melt the icy emanations of thy disdain,
which hath frozen up the spirit of angelic pre-emin-
ence; thy most egregious admirer and superlative
slave,
' Peregrine Pickle.'
Never was astonishment more perplexing than that
of Emilia when she read this curious composition,
which she repeated verbatim three times before she
would credit the evidence of her own senses. She
began to fear in good earnest that love had produced
a disorder in her lover's understanding; but after a
thousand conjectures, by which she attempted to ac-
count for this extraordinary fustian of style, she con-
cluded that it was the effect of mere levity, calculated
to ridicule the passion she had formerly professed.
Irritated IBy this supposition, she resolved to balk his
triumph with affected indifference, and in the mean-
140 THE ADVENTURES OE
time endeavour to expel him from that place which
he possessed within her heart. And, indeed, such a
victory over her inclinations might have been obtained
f^without great difficulty, f or she enjoyed an easiness
I of temper that could^accqmmodate itself to the emer-
gencies of h er f ate; and her vivacity, by amusing
her imagination, preserved her from the keener sen-
sations of sorrow. Thus determined and disposed, she
did not send any sort of answer or the least token
of remembrance by Pipes, who was suffered to depart
with a general compliment from the mother, and
arrived at Wmchester the next day.
Peregrine's eyes sparkled when he saw his mes-
senger come in, and he stretched out his hand in full
confidence of receiving some particular mark of his
Emilia's affection ; but how was he confounded when
he found his hope so cruelly disappointed ! In an
instant his countenance fell. He stood for some time
silent and abashed, then thrice repeated the interro-
gation of ' What ! not one word from Emilia ! ' And,
dubious of his courier's discretion, inquired minutely
into all the particulars of his reception. He asked if
he had seen the young lady, if she was in good health,
if he had found an opportunity of delivering his letter,
and how she looked when he put it into her hands ?
Pipes answered, that he had never seen her in better
health or higher spirits ; that he had managed matters
so as not only to present the billet unperceived, but
also to ask her commands in private before he took
his leave, when she told him that the letter required
no reply. This last circumstance he considered as a
manifest mark of disrespect, and gnawed his lips with
resentment. Upon further reflection, however, he sup-
posed that she could not conveniently write by the
messenger, and would undoubtedly favour him by the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 141
post. This consideration consoled him for the present,
and he waited impatiently for the fruits of his hope ;
but after he had seen eight days elapse without reaping
the satisfaction with which he had flattered himself,
his temper forsook him, he_j;a^v;ed_a^ainst the whole
s ex, an d wj^s^^eiz ed with^ a fit of. sullen chagrin ; but"
his pride in a little time came to his assistance, and
rescued him from the horrors of the melancholy fiend.
He resolved to retort her own neglect upon his un-
grateful mistress, his countenance gradually resumed
its former serenity; and though by this time he was
pretty well cured of his foppery, he aj^peared again at
public diversions with an air of gaiety and unconcern,
that Emilia might have a chance of hearing how much
in all likelihood he disregarded her disdain.
There are never wanting certain officious persons
who take pleasure in prom^iting intelligence of this
sort. His behaviour soon reached the ears of Miss
Gauntlet, and confirmed her in the opinion she had
conceived from his letter; so that she fortified herself
in her former sentiments, and bore his indifference
with great philosophy. JThus a correspondence which
had commenced with all the tenderness and sincerity
of love, and every promise of duration, was interrupted
in its infancy by a misunderstanding o^jCjasiongd^by
the simplicity of Pipes, who never once reflected upon
the consequences of his deceit.]
Though their mutual passion was by these means
suppressed for the present, it was not altogether ex-
tinguished, but glowed in secret, even though to them-
selves unknown, until an occasion which afterwards
offered blew up the latent flame, and Love resumed -
his empire in their breasts.
While they moved, as it were, without the sphere ^Z
of each other's attraction, the commodore fearing that /
142 THE ADVENTURES OF
Perry was in danger of involving himself in some per-
nicious engagement, resolved, by advice of Mr. Jolter,
and his friend the parish priest, to recall him from the
place where he had contracted such imprudent con-
nections, and send him to the university, where his
education might be completed, and his fancy weaned
from all puerile amusements.
This plan had been proposed to his own father, who,
as hath been already observed, stood always neuter
in everything that concerned his eldest son; and as
for Mrs. Pickle, she had never heard his name men-
tioned since his departure with any degree of temper
or tranquillity, except when her husband informed her
that he was in a fair way of being ruined by his
indiscreet amour. It was then she began to applaud
her own foresight, which had discerned the mark of
reprobation in that vicious boy, and launched out in
comparison between him and Gammy, who, she ob-
served, was a child of uncommon parts and solidity,
and, with the blessing of God, would be a comfort
to his parents, and an ornament to the family.
Should I af&rm that this favourite, whom she com-
mended so much, was in every respect the reverse
of what she described; that he was a boy of mean
capacity, and though remarkably distorted in his body,
much more crooked in his disposition, and that she
had persuaded her husband to espouse her opinion,
though it was contrary to common sense as well as
to his own perception, I am afraid the reader will
think I represent a monster that never existed in
nature, and be apt to condemn the economy of my
invention ; nevertheless there is nothing more true than
every circumstance of what I have advanced, and I
wish the picture, singular as it is, may not be thought
to resemble more than one original.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 143
CHAPTER XX.
Peregrine is summ.oned to atte7id his uncle^ is more and
more hated hy his own mother ; appeals to his father^
whose condescension is defeated hy the dominion of his
wife.
But, waving these reflections, let us return to Pere-
grine, who received a summons to attend his uncle,
and in a few days arrived with Mr. Jolter and Pipes
at the garrison, which he filled with joy and satisfac-
tion. The alteration which during his absence had
happened in his person was very favourable in his
appearance, which, from that of a comely boy, was
converted into that of a most engaging youth. He
was already taller than a middle-sized man, his shape
ascertained, his sinews well knit, his mien greatly
improved, and his whole figure as elegant and graceful
as if it had been cast in the same mould with the
Apollo of Belvidere.
Such an outside could not fail of prepossessing
people in his favour. The commodore, notwithstand-
ing the advantageous reports he had heard, found his
expectation exceeded in the person of Peregrine, and
signified his approbation in the most sanguine terms.
Mrs. Trunnion was struck with his genteel address,
and received him with uncommon marks of com-
placency and affection. He was caressed by all the
people in the neighbourhood, who, while they admired
his accomplishments, could not help pitying his in-
fatuated mother for being deprived of that unutterable
delight which any other parent would have enjoyed in
the contemplation of such an amiable son.
Divers efforts were made by some well-disposed
144 THE ADVENTURES OF
people to conquer, if possible, this monstrous preju-
dice ; but their endeavours, instead of curing, served
only to inflame the distemper, and she never could be
prevailed upon to indulge him with the least mark of
maternal regard. On the contrary, her original disgust
degenerated into such inveteracy of hatred, that she
left no stone unturned to alienate the commodore's
affection for this her innocent child, and even prac-
tised the most malicious defamation to accomplish
her purpose. Every day did she abuse her husband's
ear with some forged instance of Peregrine's ingrati-
tude to his uncle, well knowing that it would reach
the commodore's knowledge at night.
Accordingly, Mr. Pickle used to tell him at the
club, that his hopeful favourite had ridiculed him in
such a company, and aspersed his spouse upon another
occasion, and thus retail the little scandalous issue of
his own wife's invention. Luckily for Peregrine, the
commodore paid no great regard to the authority of
his informer, because he knew from what channel his
intelligence flowed ; besides, the youth had a stanch
friend in Mr. Hatchway, who never failed to vindicate
him when he was thus unjustly accused, and always
found argument enough to confute the assertions of his
enemies. But though Trunnion had been dubious of the
young gentleman's principles, and deaf to the remon-
strances of the lieutenant. Perry was provided with a
bulwark strong enough to defend him from all such
assaults. This was no other than his aunt, whose
regard for him was perceived to increase in the same
proportion as his mother's diminished ; and, indeed, the
augmentation of the one was in all probability owing to
the decrease of the other, for the two ladies, with great
civility, performed all the duties- of good neighbourhood,
andjiated each other most piously in their hearts.
PEREGBINE PICKLE. 145
Mrs. PicMe having been disobliged at the splendour
of her sister's new equipage, had ever since that
time, in the course of her visiting, endeavoured to
make people merry with satirical jokes on the poor
lady's infirmities; and Mrs. Trunnion seized the very
fii'st opportunity of making reprisals, by inveighing
against her unnatural behaviour to her own child;
so that Peregrine, as on the one hand he was abhorred,
so, on the other, was he caressed in consequence of
this contention ; and I firmly believe that the most]
efi"ectual method of destroyin^_his ^ interest at the
garrison would havaJbeea .the show of countenancing
him at his father's house ; but whether this conjecture
be reasonable or chimerical, certain it is the experi-
ment was never tried, and therefore Mr. Peregrine
ran no risk of being disgraced. The commodore,
who assumed, and justly too, the whole merit of his
education, was now as proud of the youth's improve-
ments as if he had actually been his own offspring;
and sometimes his affection rose to such a pitch of
enthusiasm, that he verily believed him to be the issue
of his own loins. Notwithstanding this favourable
predicament in which our hero stood with his aunt
and her husband, he could not help feeling the injury
he suffered from the caprice of his mother ; andjhough
the gaiety of his disposition hindered him from afBict-
ing himself with reflections of any gloomy cast, he
did not fail to foresee, that if any sudden accident
should deprive him of the commodore, he would, in
all likelihood, find himself in a very disagreeable
situation. Prompted by this consideration, he one
evening accompanied his uncle to the club, and was
introduced to his father, before that worthy gentleman
had the least inkling of his arrival.
Mr. Gamaliel was never so disconcerted as at this
VOL. III. 10
146 THE ADVENTURES OF
rencounter. His own disposition would not suffer him
to do anything that might create the least disturbance,
or interrupt his evening's enjoyment; so strongly was
he impressed with the terror of his wife, that he durst
not yield to the tranquillity of his temper; and, as
I have already observed, his inclination was perfectly
neutral. Thus distracted between different motives,
when Perry was presented to him, he sat silent and
absorbed, as if he did not, or would not, perceive the
application; and when he was urged to declare him-
self by the youth, who pathetically begged to know
how he had incurred his displeasure, he answered, in a
peevish strain, ' Why, good now, child, what would
' you have me to do? Your mother can't abide you.'
— ' If my mother is so unkind, I will not call it un-
' natural,' said Peregrine, the tears of indignation
starting from his eyes, ' as to banish me from her
' presence and affection, without the least cause as-
' signed, I hope you will not be so unjust as to espouse
'her barbarous prejudice.' Before Mr. Pickle had
time to reply to this expostulation, for which he was
not at all prepared, the commodore interposed, and
enforced his favourite's remonstrance, by telling Mr.
Gamaliel that he was ashamed to see any man drive
in such a miserable manner under his wife's petticoat.
' As for my own part,' said he, raising his voice, and
assuming a look of importance and command, ' before
' I would suffer myself to be steered all weathers by
' any woman in Christendom, d'ye see, I'd raise such
' a hurricane about her ears, that ' — Here he was
interrupted by Mr. Hatchway, who, thrusting his head
towards the door, in the attitude of one that listens,
cried, ' Ahey ! there's your spouse come to pay us a
' visit.' Trunnion's features that instant adopted a
new disposition. Fear and confusion took possession
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 147
of his countenance ; his voice, from a tone of vocifera-
tion, sunk into a whisper of ' Sure you must mistake,
' Jack ; ' and in great perplexity he wiped off the
sweat which had started on his forehead at this false
alarm. The lieutenant having thus punished him for
the rodomontade he had uttered, told him, with an
arch sneer, that he was deceived with the sound of the
outer door creaking upon its hinges, which he mistook
for Mrs. Trunnion's voice, and desu'ed him to proceed
with his admonitions to Mr. Pickle. It is not to be
denied, that this arrogance was a little unseasonable
in the commodore, who was, in all respects, as effectu-
ally subdued to the dominion of his wife as the person
whose submission he then ventured to condemn, with
this difference of disposition : Trunnion's subjection was
like that of a bear, chequered with fits of surliness
and rage; whereas Pickle bore the yoke like an ox,
without repining. No wonder, then, that this indo-
lence, this sluggishness, this stagnation of temper,
rendered Gamaliel incapable of withstanding the argu-
ments and importunity j)f his friends, to which he
at length surrendered. Ule_acqui£sced__irL. the justice
of their observations, and taking his son by the hand,
promised to favour him for the future with his love
and fatherly protectionTl
But this laudable resolution did not last. Mrs.
Pickle, still dubious of his constancy, and jealous of
his communication with the commodore, never failed
to interrogate him every night about the conversation
that happened at the club, and to regulate her exhorta-
tions according to the intelligence she received. He
was no sooner, therefore, safely conveyed to bed (that
academy in which all notable wives communicate their
lectures), when her catechism began ; and she, in a mo-
ment, perceived something reluctant and equivocal in
10—2
148 THE ADVENTURES OF
her husband's answers. Aroused at this discovery, she
employed her influence and skill with such success,
that he disclosed every circumstance of what had
happened ; and after having sustained a most severe
rebuke for his simplicity and indiscretion, humbled
himself so far as to promise that he would, next day,
annul the condescensions he had made, and for ever
renounce the ungracious object of her disgust. This
undertaking was punctually performed in a letter to
the commodore, which she herself dictated in these
words : —
' Sir,
' Whereas, my good-nature being last night imposed
' upon, I was persuaded to countenance and promise
' I know not what to that vicious youth, whose parent
' I have the misfortune to be, I desire you will take
' notice, that I revoke all such countenance and
' promises, and shall never look upon that man as
' my friend who will henceforth in such a cause
' solicit,
' Sir, yours, &c.,
' Gam. Pickle,'
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 149
CHAPTER XXI.
Trunnion is enraged at the conduct of Pickle. Peregrine
resents the injustice of his mother., to whom he explains
his sentiments in a letter. Is entered at the University
of Oxford., lohere he signalizes himself as a youth of
an enterjprising genius.
Unspeakable were tlie transports of rage to which
Trunnion was incensed by this absurd renunciation:
he tore the letter with his gums (teeth he had none),
spit with furious grimaces, in token of the contempt he
entertained for the author, whom he not only d
as a lousy, scabby, nasty, scurvy, skulking, lubberly
noodle, but resolved to challenge to single combat
with fire and sword ; but he was dissuaded from this
violent measure, and appeased by the intervention and
advice of the lieutenant and Mr. Jolter, who repre-
sented the message as the effect of the poor man's
infirmity, for which he was rather an object of pity
than of resentment; and turned the stream of his
indignation against the wife, whom he reviled accord-
ingly. Nor did Peregrine himself bear with patience
this injurious declaration, the nature of which he no
sooner understood from Hatchway, than, equally
shocked and exasperated, he retned to his apart-
ment, and in the first emotions of his ire, produced
the following epistle, which was immediately con-
veyed to his mother: —
' Madam,
' Had nature formed me a bugbear to the sight, and
' inspired me with a soul as vicious as my body was
150 THE ADVENTURES OF
detestable, perhaps I might have enjoyed particular
marks of yom- affection and applause, seeing you
have persecuted me with such unnatural aversion,
for no other visible reason than that of my differing
so widely in shape as well as disposition from that
deformed urchin who is the object of your tenderness
and care. If these be the terms on which alone I
can obtain your favour, I pray God you may never
cease to hate,
' Madam,
' Your much-injured son,
' Peregrine Pickle.'
This letter, which nothing but his passion and inex-
perience could excuse, had such an effect upon his
mother as may be easily conceived. She was enraged
to a degree of frenzy against the writer: though at
the same time she considered the whole as the pro-
duction of Mrs. Trunnion's particular pique, and repre-
sented it to her husband as an insult that he was
bound in honour to resent, by breaking off all corre-
spondence with the commodore and his family. This
was a bitter pill to Gamaliel, who, through a long
course of years, was so habituated to Trunnion's
company, that he could as easily have parted with
a limb as have relinquished the club all at once. He
therefore ventured to represent his own incapacity to
follow her advice, and begged that he might at least
be allowed to drop the connexion gradually; pro-
testing that he would do his endeavour to give her
all manner of satisfaction.
Meanwhile, preparations were made for Peregrine's
departure to the university ; and in a few weeks he set
out, in the seventeenth year of his age, accompanied by
the same attendants who lived with him at Winchester.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 151
His uncle laid strong injunctions upon him to avoid
the company of immodest women, to mind his learning,
to let him hear of his welfare as often as he could spare
time to write, and settled his appointments at the rate
of five hundred a year, including his governor's salary,
which was one-fifth part of the sum. The heart of our
young gentleman dilated at the prospect of the figure
he should make with such a handsome annuity, the
management of which was left to his own discretion :
(and he amused his imagination with the most agree-
able reveries during his journey to Oxford,^hich he ^
performed in two days. Here being introduced to the
head of the college, to whom he had been recom-
mended, accommodated with genteel apartments, en-
tered as gentleman-commoner in the books, and pro-
vided with a judicious tutor, instead of returning to
the study of Greek and Latin, in which he thought
himself already sufiiciently instructed, he renewed his
acquaintance with some of his old schoolfellows, whom
he found in the same situation, and was by them
initiated in all the fashionable diversions of the place.
It was not long before he made himself remarkable
for his spirit and humour, which were so acceptable to
the bucks of the university, that he was admitted as a
member of their corporation, and in a very little time
became the most conspicuous personage of the whole
fraternity ; not that he valued himself upon his ability
in smoking the greatest number of pipes and drinking
the largest quantity of ale; these were qualifications
of too gross a nature to captivate his refined^ ambition.
He piqued himself on his talent for raillery, his genius
and taste, his personal accomplishments, and his suc-
cess at intrigue : nor were his excursions confined to
the small villages in the neighbourhood, which are
commonly visited once a week by the students, for the
152 THE ADVENTURES OF
sake of carnal recreation. He kept his own horses,
traversed the whole country in parties of pleasure,
attended all the races within fifty miles of Oxford, and
made frequent jaunts to London, where he used to lie
incognito during the best part of many a term.
The rules of the university were too severe to be
observed by a youth of his vivacity, and therefore he
became acquainted with the proctor by times. But all
the checks he received were insufficient to moderate
his career; he frequented taverns and coffee-houses,
committed midnight frolics in the streets, insulted all
the sober and pacific class of his fellow-students ; the
tutors themselves were not sacred from his ridicule;
he laughed at the magistrate, and neglected every
particular of college discipline.
In vain did they attempt to restrain his irregularities
by the imposition of fines ; he was liberal to profusion,
and therefore paid without reluctance. Thrice did he
scale the windows of a tradesman, with whose daughter
he had an affair of gallantry, as often was he obliged
to seek his safety by a precipitate leap, and one night
would, in all probability, have fallen a sacrifice to an
ambuscade that was laid by the father, had not his
trusty squire. Pipes, interposed in his behalf, and man-
fully rescued him from the clubs of his enemies.
In the midst of these excesses, Mr. Jolter finding his
admonitions neglected, and his influence utterly de-
stroyed, attempted to wean his pupil from his extra-
vagant courses by engaging his attention to some more
laudable pursuit. With this view, he introduced him
into a club of politicians, who received him with great
demonstrations of regard, accommodated themselves
more than he could have expected to his jovial dis-
position, and while they revolved schemes for the
reformation of the state, drank with such devotion to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 153
tlie accomplishment of their plans, that before parting
the cares of their patriotism were quite overwhelmed.
^ Peregrine, though he could not approve of their
doctrine, resolved to attach himself for some time
to their company, because he perceived ample subject
for his ridicule in the characters of these wrong-headed
enthusiasts. It was a constant practice with them, in
their midnight consistories, to swallow such plentiful
draughts of inspiration, that their mysteries commonly
ended like those of the Bacchanalian Orgia ; and they
were seldom capable of maintaining that solemnity of
decorum which, by the nature of their functions, most
of them were obliged to profess. Now, as Peregrine'sl|
satirical .dis position was never more gratified than
■w^hen he had an oppo rtunity of ex posing ^rave cha-
racters in ridiculous attitudes, he laid a mischievousj
snare for his new confederates, which took effect in
this manner : — In one of their nocturnal deliberations,
he promoted such a spirit of good-fellowship, by the
agreeable sallies of his wit, which were purposely
levelled against their political adversaries, that by
ten o'clock they were all ready to join in the most
extravagant proposal that could be made. They broke
their glasses in consequence of his suggestion, drank
healths out of their shoes, caps, and the bottoms of
the candlesticks that stood before them, sometimes
standing with one foot on a chair, and the knee bent
on the edge of the table ; and when they could no
longer stand in that posture, setting their bare pos-
teriors on the cold floor. They huzzaed, hallooed,
danced, and sang, and, in short, were elevated to such
a pitch of intoxication, that when Peregrine proposed
t hat th ey should burn their periwigs, the hint was
iaimediately approved, and they executed the froli c as
one man. Their shoes and caps underwent the same
^
154 TRE ADVENTURES OE
fate by the same instigation, and in this trim he led
them forth into the street, where they resolved to
compel everybody they should find to subscribe to
their political creed and pronounce the Shibboleth of
their party. In the achievement of this enterprise
they met with more opposition than they expected ;
they were encountered with arguments which they
could not well withstand ; the noses of some, and eyes
of others, in a very little time bore the marks of obsti-
nate disputation. Their conductor having at length
engaged the whole body in an affray with another
squadron, which was pretty much in the same con-
dition, he very fairly gave them the slip and slily
retreateato his apartment, foreseeing that his com-
panions would soon be favoured with the notice of
3^;^^ their superiors. Nor was he deceived in his prog-
nostic ; the proctor, going his round, chanced to fall
^ in with this tumultuous uproar, and interposing his
authority, found means to quiet the disturbance. He
took cognizance of their names, and dismissed the
rioters to their respective chambers, not a little scan-
dalized at the behaviour of some among them, whose
business and duty it was to set far other examples to
the youth under their care and direction.
About midnight, Pipes, who had orders to attend at
a distance and keep an eye upon Jolter, brought home
that unfortunate governor upon his back (Peregrine
having beforehand secured his admittance into the
college), and among other bruises, he was found to
have received a couple of contusions on his face,
which next morning appeared in a black circle that
surrounded each eye.
This was a mortifying circumstance to a man of
his character and deportment, especially as he had
received a message from the proctor, who desired to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 155
see him forthwith. With great humility and contri-
tion he begged the advice of his pupil, who, being-
used to amuse himself with painting, assured Mr.
Jolter that he would cover those signs of disgrace
with a slight coat of flesh-colour so dexterously that
it would be almost impossible to distinguish the arti-
ficial from the natural skin. The rueful governor,
rather than expose such opprobrious tokens to the
observation and censure of the magistrate, submitted
to the expedient. Although his counsellor had over-
rated his own skill, he was persuaded to confide in the
disguise, and actually attended the proctor with such a
staring addition to the natural ghastliness of his fea-
tures, that his visage bore a very apt resemblance
to some of those ferocious countenances that hang
over the doors of certain taverns and ale-houses under
the denomination of the ' Saracen's Head.'
Such a remarkable alteration of physiognomy could
not escape the notice of the most undiscerning be-
holder, much less the penetrating eye of his severe
judge, already whetted with what he had seen over-
night. He was therefore upbraided with this ridi-
culous and shallow artifice, and together with the
companions of his debauch, underwent such a cutting
_^reprimand for the scandalous irregularity of his con-
k \ duct, that all of them remained crestfallen, and were
ashamed for many weeks to appear in the public
execution of their duty.
%i . /If
Peregrine was too vain of his finesse to conceal the
part he acted in this comedy, with the particulars of
which he regaled his companions, and thereby entailed
upon himself the hate and resentment of the com-
munity, whose maxims and practices he had disclosed ;
for he was considered as a spy who had intruded
himself into their society with a view of betraying it ;
156 THE ADVENTUliES OF
or, at best, as an apostate and renegado from the faith
and principles which he had professed.
CHAPTER XXII.
He is insulted hy Ms tutor ^ lohom he lampoons ; makes a
considerable progress in polite literature ; and in an
excursion to Windsor^ meets with Emilia hy accident^
and is very coldly received.
Among those who suffered by his craft and infidelity
was Mr. Jumble, his own tutor, who could not at all
digest the mortifying affront he had received, and
resolved to be revenged on the insulting author. With
this view, he watched the conduct of Mr. Pickle with
the utmost rancour of vigilance, and let slip no oppor-
tunity of treating him with disrespect, vdijchjiejaiew
the disposition of his pupil could less brook than any
other severity'it was in his power to exercise.
Pei^egrlne had been several mornings absent from
chapel; and as Mr. Jumble never failed to question
him in a very peremptory style about his non-atten-
dance, he invented some very plausible excuses ; but
at length his ingenuity was exhausted ; he received a
very galling rebuke for his profligacy of morals, and
that he might feel it more sensibly, was ordered by
way of exercise to compose a paraphrase in English
verse upon these two lines in Virgil :
' Vane ligur, frustraque animis elate superbis,
' Nequicquam patrias tentasti lubricus artes.'
The imposition of this invidious theme had all the
desired effect upon Peregrine, who not only considered
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 157
it as a piece of unmannerly abuse levelled against his
own conduct, but also as a retrospective insult on the
memory of his grandfather, who (as he had been in-
formed) was in his lifetime more noted for his cunning
than candour in trade.
Exasperated at this instance of the pedant's audacity,
he had well nigh (in his first transports) taken corporeal
satisfaction on the spot ; but foreseeing the troublesome
consequences that would attend such a flagrant outrage
against the laws of the university, he checked his in-
dignation, and resolved to revenge the injury in a more
cool and contemptuous manner. Thus determined, he
set on foot an inquiry into the particulars of Jumble's
parentage and education. He learnt that the father
of this insolent tutor was a bricklayer, that his mother
sold pies, and that the son, at different periods of his
youth, had amused himself in both occupations before
he converted his views to the study of learning.
Fraught with this intelligence, he composed the follow-
ing ballad in doggerel rhymes, and next day presented
it as a gloss upon the text which the tutor had chosen.
Come, listen, ye students of ev'ry degree,
I sing of a wit and a tutor perdie,
A statesman profound, a critic immense,
In short, a mere jumble of learning and sense ;
And yet of his talents though laudably vain.
His own family-arts he could never attain.
u.
His father intending his fortune to build,
In his youth would have taught him the trowel to wield,
But the mortar of discipline never would stick,
For his skull was secured by a facing of brick.
And, with all his endeavours of patience and pain,
The skill of his sire he could never attain,
158 THE ADVENTURES OF
III.
His mother a housewife, neat, artful, and wise,
Eenown'd for her delicate biscuit and pies,
Soon alter'd his studies, by flatt'ring his taste,
From the raising of walls to the rearing of paste !
But all her instructions were fruitless and vain,
The pie-making myst'ry he ne'er could obtain.
IV.
Yet, true to his race, in his labours were seen
A jumble of both their professions, I ween ;
For, when his owi^emu^he ventur'd to trust,
His pies seem'd of brick, and his houses of crust.
Then, good IVIr. Tutor, pray be not so vain.
Since your family-arts you could never attain.
This impudent production was the most effectual
vengeance he could have taken on his tutor, who had
all the supercilious arrogance and ridiculous pride of a
low-born pedant. Instead of overlooking this petulant
piece of satire with that temper and decency of disdain
that became a person of his gravity and station, he no
sooner cast his eye over the performance, than the
blood rushed into his countenance, which immediately
after exhibited a ghastly pale colour. With a quiver-
ing lip he told his pupil that he was an impertinent
jackanapes, and he would take care he should be ex-
pelled from the university for having presumed to write
and deliver such a licentious and scurrilous libel.
Peregrine answered with great i-esolution that, when
the provocation he had received should be known, ha
was persuaded he should be acquitted by the opinion
of all impartial people ; and that he was ready to sub-
mit the whole to the decision of the master.
This arbitration he proposed, because he knew the
master and Jumble were at variance; and for that
reason the tutor durst not venture to put the cause on
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 150
such an issue. Nay, when this reference was mentioned,
Jumble, who was naturally jealous, suspected that
Peregrine had a promise of protection before he under-
took to commit such an outrageous insult ; and this
notion had such an effect upon him, that he resolved
to devour his vexation, and wait for a more proper
opportunity of gratifying his hate. Meanwhile, copies
of the ballad were distributed among the students, who
sang it under the very nose of Mr. Jumble, to the tune
of ' A Cobbler there was,' &c., and the triumph of our
hero was complete. Neither was his whole time de-
voted to the riotous extravagances of youth. He en-
joyed many lucid intervals, during which he contracted
a more intimate acquaintance with the classics, applied
himself to the reading of history, i mproved his t aste ''
for paintin g_and music, in which he made some pro- ,va
gress, and above all things cultivated the study of ,
JL natural philosophy. V It was generally after a course of
close attention to some of these arts and sciences, that
his disposition broke out into those irregularities and
^ wild sallies of a luxurian t imagination, for which he
^. 'became so remarkable ; and he was perhaps the only
T \y^^^^ \T[?ca. in Oxford who, at the same time, main- ^-^ Oaa/^c
\ itained an intimate and friendly intercourse with the ^o^\/i.i
/most unthinking, as well as with the most sedate, ^
students at the university.
It is not to be supposed that a young man of Pere-
grine's vanity, inexperience, and profusion, could suit
his expense to his allowance, liberal as it was; for
he was not one of those fortunate people who are born
P economists, and knew not the art of withholding his
L purse when he saw his companion in difficulty. Thus,
natm'ally generous and expensive, he squandered away
his money, and made a most splendid appearance upon
the receipt of his quarterly appointment; but long
160 THE ADVENTURES OF
before the third month was elapsed, his finances were
consumed, and as he could not stoop to ask an extra-
ordinary supply, was too proud to borrow, and too
haughty to run in debt with tradesmen, he devoted
those periods of poverty to the prosecution of his
studies, and shone forth again at the revolution of
quarter-day.
In one of these irruptions he and some of his com-
panions went to Windsor, in order to see the royal
apartments in the castle, whither they repaired in the
afternoon, and as Peregrine stood contemplating the
picture of Hercules and Omphale, one of his fellow-
students whispered in his ear, ' Z — ds ! Pickle, there
are two fine girls.' He turned instantly about, and in
one of them recognised his almost-forgotten Emilia ;
hfir appearance acted upon his imagination like a spark
of^Te__t]iat_6ills'amon^^-unpowder ; that passion which
had laid dormant for the space of two years flashed
up in a moment, and he was seized with a universal
jxepida^tion. She perceived and partook of his emotion ;
for their souls, like jmisons, vibrated with the same
impulse. However, she called her pride and resent-
ment to her aid, and found resolution enough to retire
from such a dangerous scene. Alarmed at her retreat,
he re-collected all his assurance, and impelled by love,
which he could no longer resist, followed her into the
next room, where, in the most disconcerted manner, he
accosted her with 'Your humble servant. Miss Gauntlet,'
to which salutation she replied, with an affectation of
indifference that did not however conceal her agitation,
' Your servant, sir,' and immediately extending her
finger towards the picture of Duns Scotus, which is
fixed over one of the doors, asked her companion, in a
giggling tone, if she did not think he looked like a
conjuror. Peregrine, nettled into spirits by this recep-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 161
tlon, answered for the other lady, * that it was an easy~T^^
matter to be a conjurer in those times, when the I
simplicity of the age assisted his divination, but were j ,vv^'
he, or Merlin himself, to rise from the dead now, J
when such deceit and dissimulation prevail, they
would not be able to earn their bread by the pro-
fession.' ' O ! sir,' said she, turning full upon him,
without doubt they would adopt new maxims ; 'tis no
disparagement in this enlightened age for one to alter
one's opinion.' ' No, sure, madam,' replied the youth
with some precipitation, ' provided the change be for
the better.' ' And should it happen otherwise,' retorted
the nymph with a flirt of her fan, 'inconstancy will
never want countenance from the practice of mankind.'
True, madam,' resumed our hero, fixing his eyes
upon her, ' examples of levity are everywhere to be
' met with.' ' Lord, sir,' cried Emilia, tossing her
head, ' you'll scarcely ever find a fop without it.' By
this time his companion, seeing him engaged with one
of the ladies, entered into conversation with the other,
and in order to favour his friend's gallantry, conducted
her into the next apartment on pretence of entertaining
her with the sight of a remarkable piece of painting.
Peregrine, laying hold on this opportunity of being
alone with the object of his love, assumed a most
seducing tenderness of look, and heaving a .profound
sigh, asked if she had utterly discarded him from her
remembrance. Eeddening at this pathetic question,
which recalled the memory of the imagined slight he
had put upon her, she answered, in great confusion,
' Sir, I believe I had once the pleasure of seeing you
' at a ball in AVinchester.' ' Miss Emilia,' said he,
very gravely, ' will you be so candid as to tell me
' what misbehaviour of mine you are pleased to
' punish by restricting your remembrance to that single
VOL. III. 11
1G2 THE ADVENTURES OF
' occasion ? ' ' Mr. Pickle,' she replied, in the same
tone, 'it is neither my province nor inclination to
' judge your conduct, and, therefore, you misapply
' your question when you ask such an explanation of
' me.' ' At least,' resumed our lover, ' give me the
' melancholy satisfaction to know for what offence of
' mine you refused to take the least notice of that
' letter which I had the honour to write from Win-
' Chester by your own express permission.' * Your
' letter,' said Miss, with great vivacity, ' neither re-
' quired, nor, in my opinion, deserved an answer ; and
' to be free with you, Mr. Pickle, it was but a shallow
' artifice to rid yourself of a correspondence you had
' deigned to solicit.' Peregrine, confounded at this
rapartee, replied that howsoever he might have failed
in point of elegance or discretion, he was sure he had
not been deficient in expressions of respect and devo-
tion for those charms which it was his pride to adore ;
' As for the verses,' said he, ' I own they were un-
' worthy of the theme, but I flattei'ed myself that they
' would have merited your acceptance though not your
' approbation, and been considered not so much as
' the proof of my g enius as the genuine effusion of
' my love.' ' VersesP'^^ed Emilia, with an air of
astonishment, ' what verses ? I really don't under-
' stand you.' The young gentleman was thunderstruck
at this exclamation, to which, after a long pause, he
answered, ' I begin to suspect, and heartily wish it
' may appear that we have misunderstood each other
' from the beginning. Pray, Mss Gauntlet, did not
^ you find a copy of verses enclosed in that unfortunate
' letter ? ' ' Truly, sir,' said the lady, ' I am not so
* much of a connoisseur as to distinguish whether that
' facetious production, which you merrily style an
' unfortunate letter, was composed in verse or prose ;
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 163
' methinks tlie jest is a little too stale to be brought
' upon the cariDct again/ So saying, she tripped
away to her companion, and left her lover in a most
tumultuous suspense. He now perceived that her
neglect of his addresses when he was at Winchester
must have been owing to some mystery which he
could not comprehend ; and she began to suspect and
to hope that the letter which she received was spurious,
though she could not conceive how that could possibly
happen, as it had been delivered to her by the hands
of his own servant.
However, she resolved to leave the task of unravel-
ling the affair to him, who she knew would infallibly
exert himself for his own as well as her satisfaction.
She was not deceived in her opinion ; he went up to
her again at the staircase, and as they were unprovided
with a male attendant, insisted upon 'squiring the
ladies to their lodgings. Emilia saw his drift, which
was no other than to know where she lived ; and
though she approved of his contrivance, thought it
was incumbent upon her, for the support of her own
dignity, to decline the civility ; she therefore thanked
him for his polite offer, but would by no means con-
sent to his giving himself such uimecessary trouble,
especially as they had a very little way to walk. He
was not repulsed by this refusal, the nature of which
he perfectly understood ; nor was she sorry to see
him persevere in his determination ; he therefore ac-
companied them in their return, and made divers
efforts to speak with Emilia in particular ; but she
had a spice of the coquette in her disposition, and
having determined to whet his impatience, artfully
baffied all his endeavours by keeping her companion
continually engaged in the conversation, which turned
upon the venerable appearance and imperial situation
11—2
164 THE ADVENTURES OF
of the place. Thus tantalized, he lounged with them
to the door of the house in which they lodged, when
his mistress, perceiving by the countenance of her
comrade, that she was on the point of desiring him
. to walk in, checked her intention with a frown, then
^c^ turning to Mr. Pickle, dropped him a very formal
'\j^ curtsey, seized the other young lady by the arm, and
jc^ saying, ' Come, cousin Sophy,' vanished in a moment.
CHAPTEK XXIII.
After sundry unsuccessful efforts^ he finds means to come
to an explanation with his mistress^ and a reconcilia-
tion ensues.
Peregrine, disconcerted at their sudden disappear-
ance, stood for some minutes gaping in the street
before he could get the better of his surprise, and
then deliberated with himself whether he should de-
mand immediate admittance to his mistress or choose
some other method of application. Piqued at her
abrupt behaviour, though pleased with her spirit, he
set his invention to work in order to contrive some
means of seeing her, and in a(fi^ of musing arrived
at the inn, where he found his companions whom he
had left at the castle gate. They had already made
inquiry about the ladies, in consequence of which he
learned that Miss Sophy was daughter of a gentleman
in town to whom his mistress was related ; that an
intimate friendship subsisted between the two young
ladies; that Emilia had lived about a month with
her cousin and appeared at the last assembly, where
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 165
she was universally admired, and that several young
gentlemen of fortune had since that time teased her
with addresses.
Our hero's ambition was flattered and his passion^
jnflamecLwith this intelligence, and he swore within (
himself that he would not quit the spot until he ^
should have^ obtained an undisputed victory over all^
his rivals.
That same evening he composed a most eloquent
epistle, in which he earnestly entreated that she would
favour him with an opportunity of vindicating his
conduct ; but she would neither receive his billet nor
see his messenger. Baulked in this effort, he enclosed
it in a new cover directed by another hand, and
ordered Pipes to ride next morning to London on
purpose to deliver it at the post-office, that coming
by such conveyance she might have no suspicion of
the author, and open it before she should be aware
of the deceit.
Three days he waited patiently for the effect of this
stratagem, and, in the afternoon of the fourth, ventured
to hazard a formal visit in the quality of an old ac-
quaintance. But here too he failed in his attempt;
she was indisposed and could not see company. These
obstacles served only to increase his eagerness; he
still adhered to his former resolution, and his com-
panions understanding his determination, left him next
day to his inventions. Thus relinquished to his own
ideas he doubled his assiduity, and practised every a
method his imagination could suggest in order to pro-» ^ " •
mote his plan.
Pipes was stationed all day long within sight of her
door, tha.t he might be able to give his master an
account of her motions; but she never went abroad
except to visit in the neighbourhood, and was always
166 THE ADVENTURES OF
housed before Peregrine could be apprised of her
appearance. He went to church with a view of attract-
ing her notice, and humbled his deportment before her;
but she was so mischievously devout as to look at
nothing but her book, so that he was not favoured
with one glance of regard. He frequented the coffee-
house, and attempted to contract an acquaintance with
Miss Sophy's father, who, he hoped, would invite him
to his house; but this expectation was also defeated.
That prudent gentleman looked upon him as one of
those forwai'd fortune-hunters who go about the country
seeking whom they may devour, and warily discouraged
all his advances. Chagrined by so many unsuccessful
endeavours, he began to despair of accomplishing his
aim, and as the last suggestion of his art, paid off his
lodging, took horse at noon, and departed, in all appear-
ance, for the place whence he had come. He rode,
however, but a few miles, and in the dusk of the even-
ing returned unseen, alighted at another inn, ordered
Pipes to stay within doors, and keeping himself quite
incognito, employed another person as a sentinel upon
Emilia.
It was not long before he reaped the fruits of his in-
genuity. Next day, in the afternoon, he was informed
by his spy that the two young ladies were gone to walk
in the park, whither he followed them on the instant,
fidly determined to come to an explanation with his
mistress, even in presence of her friend, who might
possibly be prevailed upon to interest herself in his
behalf.
When he saw them at such a distance that they
could not return to town before he should have an
opportunity of putting his resolution in practice, he
mended his pace, and found means to appear before
them so suddenly, that Emilia could not help ex-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. .f / 167 -^
pressing her surprise in a scream.-:^jQur lover, putting
on a mien of humility and mortificat ion, begged to
know if her resentment was implacable ; and asked
why she had so cruelly refused to grant him the
common privilege that every criminal enjoyed. ' Dear
' Miss Sophy,' said he, addressing himself to her com-
panion, ' give me leave to implore your intercession
with your cousin ; I am sure you have humanity
enough to espouse my cause, did you but know the
justice of it ; and I flatter myself, that by your kind
interposition, I may be able to rectify that fatal mis-
understanding wliich hath made me wretched.' ' Sir,'
said Sophy, ' you appear like a gentleman, and I doubt
not but your behaviour has been always suitable to
your appearance ; but you must excuse me from
undertaking any such office in behalf of a person
whom I have not the honour to know.' ' Madam,'
answered Peregrine, ' I hope Miss Emy will justify my
pretensions to that character, notwithstanding the
mystery of her displeasure, which, upon my honour,
I cannot, for my soul, explain.' ' Lord ! Mr. Pickle,'
said Emilia, who had by this time recollected herself,
I never questioned your gallantry and taste, but I
have resolved that you shall never have cause to
exercise your talents at my expense ; so that you
tease yourself and me to no purpose; come, Sophy,
let us walk home again.' ' Good God ! madam,' cried
the lover, with great emotion, ' why will you distract
me with such barbarous indifference ? Stay, dear
Emilia ! I conjure you, on my knees, to stay and hear
me ; by all that is sacred ! I was not to blame ; you
must have been imposed upon by some villain who
envied my good fortune, and took some treacherous
method to ruin my love.'
Miss Sophy, who possessed a large stock of good-
168 THE ADVENTURES OF
nature, and to whom her cousin had communicated
the cause of her reserve, seeing the young gentleman
so much affected with that disdain which she knew
to be feigned. Laid hold of Emiha's sleeve, saying,
with a smile, ' Not quite so fast, Emily; I begin to
' perceive that this is a love-quarrel, and therefore
' there may be hopes of a reconciliation ; for I suppose
' both parties are open to conviction.' ' For my own
' part,' cried Peregrine, with great eagerness, ' I appeal
' to Miss Sophy's decision. But, why do I say appeal ?
' Though I am conscious of having committed no
' offence, I am ready to submit to any penance, let it
' be ever so rigorous, that my fair enslaver herself shall
' impose, provided it will entitle me to her favour and
' forgiveness at last.' Emily, well nigh overcome by
this declaration, told him that as she Jaxgd-liim with no
guilt, she expected no atonement ; and pressed her
companion to return into town. But Sophy, who was
too indulgent to her friend's real inclination to comply
with her request, observed that the gentleman seemed
so reasonable in his concessions, she began to think
her cousin was in the wrong, and felt herself disposed
to act as umpire in the dispute.
Overjoyed at this condescension, Mr. Pickle thanked
her in the most rapturous terms, and, in the transport
of his expectation, kissed the hand of his kind media-
trix ; a circumstance which had a remarkable effect on
the countenance of Emilia, who did not seem to relish
the warmth of his acknowledgment.
After many supplications on one hand, and pressing
remonstrances on the other, she yielded at length, and
turning to her lover, while her face was overspread
with bluslies, ' Well, sir,' said she, ' supposing I were
' to put the difference on that issue, how could you
' excuse the ridiculous letter which you sent to me
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 1G9
' from Winchester?' This expostulation introduced a
discussion of the whole affair, in which all the cir-
cumstances were canvassed ; and Emilia still affirmed
with great heat that the letter must have been cal-
culated to affront her ; for she could not suppose the
author was so weak as to design it for any other
purpose.
Peregrine, who still retained in his memory the sub-
stance of this unlucky epistle, as well as the verses
which were enclosed, could recollect no particular
expression which could have justly given the least
umbrage ; and, therefore, in the agonies of perplexity,
begged that the whole might be submitted to the judg-
ment of Miss Sophy ; and faithfully promised to stand
to her award.
In short, this proposal was with seeming reluctance
embraced by Emilia, and an appointment made to
meet next day in the same place, whither both parties
were desired to come provided with their credentials ;
according to which definitive sentence Avould be
pronounced.
Our lover, having succeeded thus far, overwhelmed
Sophy with acknowledgments on account of her
generous mediation, and in the course of their walk,
which Emilia was now in no hurry to conclude,
whispered a great many tender protestations in the
ear of his mistress, who, nevertheless, continued to
act upon the reserve, until her doubts should be
more fully resolved.
Mr. Pickle having found means to amuse them in
the fields till the twilight, was obliged to wish them
good even, after having obtained a solemn repetition
of their promise to meet him at the appointed time
and place ; and then retreated to his apartment,
where he spent the whole night in various con-
170 THE ADVENTURES OF
jectiires on the subject of this letter, the gordian
knot of which he could by no means untie.
One while he imagined that some wag had played a
trick upon his messenger, in consequence of which
Emilia had received a supposititious letter ; but upon
further reflection he could not conceive the practica-
bility of any such deceit. Then he began to doubt the
sincerity of his mistress, who, perhaps, had only made
that a handle for discarding him at the request of
some favoured rival; but his own integrity forbade
him to harbour this mean suspicion ; and therefore he
was again involved in the labyrinth of perplexity.
Next day he waited on the rack of impatience for the
hour of five in the afternoon, which no sooner struck,
than he ordered Pipes to attend him, in case there
should be occasion for his evidence; and repaired to
the place of rendezvous, where he had not tarried five
minutes before the ladies appeared. Mutual compli-
ments being passed, and the attendant stationed at a
convenient distance. Peregrine persuaded them to sit
down upon the grass, under the shade of a spreading
oak, that they might be more at their ease ; while he
stretched himself at their feet, and desired that the
paper on which his doom depended might be examined.
It was accordingly put into the hand of his fair arbi-
tress, who read it immediately with an audible voice.
The first two words of it were no sooner pronounced
than he started with great emotion, and raised himself
upon his hand and knee, in which posture he listened
to the rest of the sentence ; then sprang upon his feet
in the utmost astonishment, and glowing with resent-
ment at the same time, exclaimed, ' Hell and the
' devil ! what's all that? Sure you make a jest of me,
' madam.' ' Pi'ay, sir,' said Sophy, ' give me the
' hearing for a few moments, and then urge what you
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 171
' shall think proper in your defence.' Having thus
cautioned him, she proceeded; but before she had
finished one half of the performance her gravity forsook
her, and she was seized with a violent fit of laughter,
in which neither of the lovers could help joining,
notwithstanding the resentment which at that instant
prevailed in the breasts of both. The judge, however,
in a little time resumed her solemnity, and having
read the remaining part of this curious epistle, all
three continued staring at each other alternately for
the space of half a minute, and then broke forth, at
the same instant, in another paroxysm of mirth.
From this unanimous convulsion, one would have
thought that both parties were extremely well pleased
with the joke ; yet this was by no means the case.
Emilia imagined that, notwithstanding his affected
surprise, her lover, in spite of himself, had renewed
the laugh at her expense, and in so doing applauded
his unmannerlyj^ndiciU^. I This supposition could not
fail of raising and reviving her indignation ; while
Peregrine highly resented the indignity with which he
supposed himself treated, in their attempting to make
him the dupe of such a gross and ludicrous artifice.
This being the situation of their thoughts, their mirth
was succeeded by a mutual gloominess of aspect ; and
the judge, addressing herself to Mr. Pickle, asked if he
had anything to offer why sentence should not be
pronounced ? ' Madam,' answered the culprit, ' I am
sorry to find myself so low in the opinion of your
cousin as to be thought capable of being deceived by
such a shallow contrivance.' ' Nay, sir,' said Emilia,
the contrivance is your own, and I cannot help
admiring your confidence in imputing it to me.'
Upon my honour, ]\Iiss Emily,' resumed our hero,
you wrong my understanding as well as my love, in
172 TEE ADVENTURES OF
' accusing me of Laving written sucli a silly, imper-
' tinent performance ; the very appearance and address
' of it is so milike the letter which I did myself the
' honour to write, that I daresay my man, even at this
' distance of time, will remember the difference.' So
saying, he extended his voice, and beckoned to Pipes,
who immediately drew near. His mistress seemed to
object to his evidence, by observing that to be sure
Mr. Pipes had his cue ; when Peregrine, begging she
^ would spare him the mortification of considering him
in such a dishonourable light, desired his valet to
examine the outside of the letter, and recollect if it
was the same which he had delivered to Miss Gauntlet
about two years ago. Pipes having taken a superficial
view of it, pulled up his breeches, saying, ' ]\Iayhap it
' is ; but we have made so many trips, and been in so
' many creeks and corners since that time, that I can't
' pretend to be certain ; for I neither keep journal nor
' logbook of our proceedings.' Emilia commended
him for his candour, at the same time darting a sar-
castic look at his master, as if she thought he had
tampered Avitli his servant's integrity in vain 5 and
Peregrine began to rave and curse his fate for having
subjected him to such mean suspicion, attesting heaven
and earth, in the most earnest manner, that far from
having composed and conveyed that stupid production,
he had never seen it before, nor been privy to the least
circumstance of the plan.
Pipes now, for the first time, perceived the mischief
he had occasioned, and moved with the transports
of his master, for whom he had a most inviolable
attachment, frankly declared he was ready to make
oath that Mr. Pickle had no hand in the letter which
he delivered. All three were amazed at this confes-
sion, the meaning of which they could not compre-
V/WC
PEREORTNE PICKLE. 173
hend. Peregrine, after some pause, leaped upon Pipes,
and seizing him by the throat, exclaimed, in an ecstasy
of rage, * Rascal ! tell me this instant what became of
' the letter I intrusted to your care.' Tliepatient ]
yalet,__lialfi^^an ffled as he was, squirted a col lection \ j
o f to bacco-;]' nice out of one corn er of his m outhy and
ydth^_grealL-delibfiration replied, ' Why, burnt it ; you
' wouldn't have me give the young woman a thing
' that shook all in the wind in tatters, would you ? '
The ladies interposed In behalf of the distressed squire,
from whom, by dint of questions which he had neither
art nor inclination to evade, they extorted an explana-
tion of the whole affair.
Such ridiculous simplicity and innocence of Intention
appeared in the composition of his expedient, that even
the remembrance of all the chagrin which it had pro-
duced could not rouse their indignation, or enable them
to resist a third eruption of laughter which they forth-
with underwent.
Pipes was dismissed with many menacing injunc-
tions to beware of such conduct for the future ; Emilia
stood with a confusion of joy and tenderness in her
countenance; Peregrine's eyes kindled Into rapture,
and when ]\Iiss Sophy pronounced the sentence of
reconciliation, advanced to his mistress, saying, '• Truth ^
' is mighty, and will prevail ; ' then clasping her in
his arms, very impudently ravished a kiss, which she
had not power to refuse. Nay, such was the impulse
of his joy, that he took the same freedom with the lips
of Sophy, calling her his kind mediatrix and guardian
angel, and behaved with such extravagance of trans- \J^
port as plainly evinced the fervour and sincerity of "^ '
his love.
I shall not pretend to repeat the tender protestations
that were uttered on one side, or describe the bewitch-
174 THE ADVENTURES OF
ing glances of approbation with which they were
received on the other ; suffice it to say, that the endear-
ing intimacy of their former connexion was instantly
renewed, and Sophy, who congratulated them upon
the happy termination of their quarrel, favoured with
their mutual confidence. In consequence of this happy
pacification, they deliberated upon the means of seeing
each other often ; and as he could not without some
previous introduction visit her openly at the house of
her relation, they agreed to meet every afternoon in
the park till the next assembly, at which he would
solicit her as a partner, and she be unengaged, in
expectation of his request. By this connexion he
would be entitled to visit her next day, and thus an
avowed correspondence would of course commence.
This plan was actually put in execution, and attended
with a circumstance which had well nigh produced
some mischievous consequence, had not Peregrine's
good fortune been superior to his discretion.
CHAPTER XXIV.
He achieves an adventure at the assemhly^ and quarrels
with Ms governor.
At the assembly were no fewer than three gentlemen
of fortune who rivalled our lover in his passion for
Emilia, and who had severally begged the honour of
dancing with her upon that occasion. She had ex-
cused herself to each, on pretence of a slight indis-
position that she foresaw would detain her from the
ball, and desired they would provide themselves with
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 175
other partners. Obliged to admit her excuse, they
accordingly followed her advice ; and after they had
engaged themselves beyond the power of retracting,
^ had the mortifi cation to see her there unclaimed.
They in their turn made up to her, and expressed
their surprise and concern at finding her in the as-
sembly unprovided, after she had declined their in-
vitation ; but she told them that her cold had forsaken
her since she had the pleasure of seeing them, and that
she would rely upon accident for a partner. Just as
she pronounced these words to the last of the three,
Peregrine advanced as an utter stranger, bowed with
great respect, told her he understood she was unen-
gaged, and would think himself highly honoured in
being accepted as her partner for the night; and he
had the good fortune to succeed in his application.
As they were by far the hanxbomest_and besta^ ^^'^^
complish ed couple in the room, they could not fail of J ^<px^
attracting the notice and admiration of the spectators, ^ ' /;j7
which inflamed the jealousy of his three competitors, Vv^-''^-^^
who immediately entered into a conspiracy against
this gaudy stranger, whom, as their rival, they resolved
to affront in public. Pursuant to the plan which they
projected for this purpose, the first country-dance was
no sooner concluded than one of them with his partner
took place of Peregrine and his mistress, contrary to
the regulation of the ball. Our lover imputed his
behaviour to inadvertency, informed the gentleman of
his mistake, and civilly desired he would rectify his
error. The other told him, in an imperious tone, that
he wanted none of his advice, and bade him mind his
own affairs. Peregrine answered with some warmth,
and insisted upon his right; a dispute commenced,
high words ensued, in the course of which our impe-
tuous youth, hearing himself reviled with the appel-
i^^<v>-<
176 THE ADVENTURES OF
lation of scoundrel, pulled off his antagonist's periwig,
and flung it in his face. The ladies immediately
shrieked ; the gentlemen interposed ; Emilia was seized
^/ with a ^t of t rembling^ and conducted to her seat by
her youthful admirer, who begged pardon for having
discomposed her, and vindicated what he had done, by
representing the necessity he was under to resent the
provocation he had received.
Though she could not help owning the justice of his
plea, she was not less concerned at the dangerous
situation in which he had involved himself, and in the
utmost consternation and anxiety, insisted upon going
directly home. He could not resist her importunities ;
and her cousin having determined to accompany her,
he escorted them to their lodgings, where he wished
them good night, after having, in order to quiet their
apprehensions, protested that if his opponent was
satisfied he should never take any step towards the
prosecution of the quarrel. Meanwhile the assembly-
room became a scene of tumult and uproar; the person
who conceived himself injured, seeing Peregrine retire,
struggled with his companions in order to pursue and
take satisfaction of our hero, whom he loaded with
terms of abuse, and challenged to single combat.
The director of the ball held a consultation with all
the subscribers who were present; and it was deter-
mined, by a majority of voices, that the two gentlemen
who had occasioned the disturbance should be desired
to withdraw. This resolution being signified to one
of the parties then present, he made some difiiculty of
complying, but was persuaded to submit by his two
confederates, who accompanied him to the street-door,
where he was met by Peregrine on his return to the
assembly.
This choleric gentleman, who was a comitry squire.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 177
no sooner saw his rival than he began to brandish his
cudgel in a menacing posture ; when our adventurous
youth, stepping back with one foot, laid his hand upon
the hilt of his sword, which he drew half out of the
scabbard. This attitude, and the sight of the blade,
which glistened by moonlight in his face, checked in
some sort the ardour of his assailant, who desired he
would lay aside his toaster and take a bout with him
at equal arms. Peregrine, who was an expert cudgel
player, accepted the invitation; then, exchanging
weapons with Pipes, who stood behind him, put him-
self in a posture of defence, and received the attack of
his adversary, who struck at random without either
skill or economy. Pickle could have beaten the
cudgel out of his hand at the first blow; but as in
that case he would have been obliged in honour to
give immediate quarter, he resolved to discipline his
antagonist without endeavouring to disable him, until
he should be heartily satisfied with the vengeance he
had taken. With this view he returned the salute, V V^
and raised such a clatter about the squire's pate, that y**^
one who had heard without_seeing_the_ap plication 'p 1 V^T^v
would have taken the sound for th at of a salt-box in^ ^.v^^«^
thejiand of a dexterousJMerry Andrew belonging to one '^ ^v^
of the booths at Bartholomew Fair. Neither was this __\ ^^^
salutation confined to his head: his shoulders, arms,
thighs, ankles, and ribs were visited with amazing
rapidity, while Tom Pipes sounded the charge through
his fist. Peregrine, tired with this exercise, which
had almost bereft his enemy of sensation, at last struck
the decisive blow, in consequence of which the squire's
weapon flew out of his grasp, and he allowed our hero
to be the better man. Satisfied with this acknowledg-
ment, the victor walked upstairs with such elevation
of spirits and insolence of mien, that nobody chose to
VOL. III. 12
178 THE ADVENTURES OF
intimate the resolution which had been taken in his
absence. There having amused himself for some time
Jn beholding the country-dances, he retreated to his
lodging, where he indulged himself , all jiight in the
contemplation of his own success.
Next day, in the afternoon, he went to visit his
partner ; and the gentleman at whose house she lived,
having been informed of his family and condition,
received him with great courtesy, as the acquaintance
of his cousin Gauntlet, and invited him to dinner that
same day.
Emilia was remarkably well pleased when she un-
derstood the issue of his adventure, which began to
make some noise in the town, even though it deprived
her of a wealthy admirer. The squire having con-
sulted an attorney about the nature of the dispute, in
hopes of being able to prosecute Peregrine for an
assault, found little encouragement to go to law; he
therefore resolved to pocket the insult and injury he
had undergone, and to discontinue his addresses to
her who was the cause of both.
Our lover being told by his mistress that she pro-
posed to stay a fortnight longer at Windsor, he deter-
mined to enjoy her company all that time, and then
to give her a convoy to the house of her mother, whom
he longed to see. In consequence of this plan, he
every day contrived some fresh party of pleasure for
the ladies, to whom he had by this time free access ;
and entangled himself so much in the snares of love,
that he seemed quite enchanted by Emilia's charms,
which were now indeed almost irresistible. While
he thus heedlessly roved in the flowery paths of
pleasure, his governor at Oxford, alarmed at the un-
usual duration of his absence, went to the young
gentlemen who had accompanied him m his excursion,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 179
and very earnestly entreated them to tell him what
they knew concerning his pupil ; they accordingly
gave him an account of the rencounter that happened
between Peregrine and Miss Emily Gauntlet in the
castle, and mentioned circumstances sufficient to con-
vince him that his charge was very dangerously
engaged.
Far from having an authority over Peregrine, Mr.
Jolter durst not even disoblige him ; therefore, instead
of writing to the commodore, he took horse imme-
diately, and that same night reached Windsor, where
he found his stray sheep very much surprised at this
unexpected arrival.
The governor desiring to have some serious con-
versation with him, they shut themselves up in an
apartment, where Jolter with great solemnity com-
municated the cause of his journey, which was no
other than his concern for his pupil's welfare, and
very gravely undertook to prove, by mathematical
demonstration, that this intrigue, if further pursued,
would tend to the young gentleman's ruin and dis-
grace. This singular proposition raised the curiosity
of Peregrine, who promised to yield all manner of
attention, and desired him to begin without further
preamble.
The governor, encouraged by this appearance of
candour, expressed his satisfaction in finding him so
open to conviction, and told him he would proceed
upon geometrical principles. Then, hemming thrice,
observed that no mathematical inquiries could be
carried on, except upon certain data^ or concessions
to truths that were self-evident, and therefore he must
crave his assent to a few axioms, which he was sure
Mr. Pickle would see no reason to dispute. ' In the
' first place, then,' said he, ' you will grant, I hope,
12—2
.^\^
180 THE ADVENTURES OF
' that youth and discretion are with respect to each
* other as two parallel lines, which, though infinitely
' produced, remain stiU equi-distant, and will never
' coincide; then you must allow that passion acts
' upon the human mind, in a ratio compounded of
' the acuteness of sense and constitutional heat;
^ and thirdly, you will not deny that the angle of
' remorse is equal to that of precipitation. These
' postulata being admitted,' added he, taking pen, ink,
and paper, and drawing a parallelogram, ' let youth
' be represented by the right line a 5, and discretion
' by another right line c c?, parallel to the former.
' Complete the parallelogi'am ahcd^ and let the point
' of intersection h represent perdition. Let passion,
' represented under the letter c, have a motion in the
' direction c a. At the same time, let another motion
' be communicated to it, in the direction c <i, it will
' proceed in the diagonal c 5, and describe it in the same
' time that it would have described the side c a by the
' first motion, or the side cdhj the second. To under-
' stand the demonstration of this corollary, we must
' premise this obvious principle, that when a body is
' acted upon by a motion of power parallel to a right
' line given in position, this power, or motion, has no
' effect to cause the body to approach towards that line,
* or recede from it, but to move in a line parallel to a
^'' right line only ; as appears fi'om the second law of
' motion; therefore, ca being parallel to dh "
His pupil ha™g listened to him thus far, could
contain himself no longer, but interrupted the inves-
tigation with a loud laugh, and told him that his
postulata put him in mind of a certain learned and
ingenious gentleman who undertook to disprove the
existence of natural evil, and asked no other datum
on which to found his demonstration but an acknow-
PEBEGSINB PICKLE. ., 181
ledgment that p.irp.ryfMn g flint I&-JsLjrig]iL ' You may,
' therefore,' said he, in a peremptory tone, ' spare
' yourself the trouble of torturing your invention ;
' for, after all, I am pretty certain that I shall want
* capacity to comprehend the discussion of your
* lemma, and consequently be obliged to refuse my
' assent to your deduction.'
Mr. Jolter was disconcerted at this declaration, and
so much offended at Peregrine's disrespect, that he
could not help expressing his displeasure by telling
him flatly that he was too violent and headstrong to
be reclaimed by reason and gentle means; that he
(the tutor) must be obliged, in the discharge of his
duty and conscience, to inform the commodore of his
pupil's imprudence ; that if the laws of this realm
were effectual, they would take cognizance of the
gipsy who had led him astray ; and observed, by way
of contrast, that if such a preposterous intrigue had
happened in France, she would have been clapped up
in a convent two years ago.
Our lover's eyes kindled with indignation when he
heard his mistress treated with such irreverence ; he
could scarcely refrain from inflicting manual chastise-
ment on the blasphemer, whom he reproached in his
wrath as an arrogant pedant, without either delicacy
or sense, and cautioned him against using any such
impertinent freedoms with his affairs for the future,
on pain of incurring more severe effects of his re-
sentment.
Mr. Jolter, who entertained very high notions of
that veneration to which he thought himself entitled
by his character and qualification, had not borne
without repining his want of influence and authority
over his pupil, against whom he cherished a particular
grudge ever since the adve ntiire-oL tlie_paiiited eye ;
182 THE ADVENTURES OF
and, therefore, on this occasion his politic forbearance
had been overcome by the accumulated motives of his
disgust. Indeed, he would have resigned his charge
with disdain, had not he been encouraged to persevere
by the hopes of a good living which Trunnion had in
his gift, or known how to dispose of himself for the
present to better advantage.
CHAPTER XXV.
He receives a letter from Ms aunt, breaks with the com-
modore^ and disobliges the lieutenant^ who^ neverthe-
less^ undertakes his cause.
Meanwhile he quitted the youth in high dudgeon,
and that same evening despatched a letter for Mrs.
Trunnion, which was dictated by the first transports
of his passion, and of course replete with severe ani-
madversions on the misconduct of his pupil.
In consequence of this complaint it was not long
before Peregrine received an epistle from his aunt,
wherein she commemorated all the circumstances of
the commodore's benevolence to him when he was
helpless and forlorn, deserted and abandoned by his
parents, upbraided him for his misbehaviour, and
neglect of his tutor's advice, and insisted upon his
breaking off all intercourse with that girl who had
seduced his youth as he valued the continuance of
her affection and her husband's regard.
As our lover's own ideas of generosity were ex-
tremely refined, he was shocked at the indelicate
insinuations of Mrs. Trunnion, and felt all the pangs
of an ingenuous mind that labours under obligations
PEREGRmE PICKLE. 183
to a person whom it contemns. Far from obeying
her injunction, or humbling himself by a submissive
answer to her reprehension, his resentment buoyed
him up above every selfish consideration ; he resolved
to attach himself to Emilia, if possible, more than ever ;
and although he was tempted to punish the officious-
ness of Jolter by recriminating upon his life and con-
versation, he generously withstood the impulse of his
passion, because he knew that his governor had no
other dependence than the good opinion of the com-
modore. He could not, however, digest in silence the
severe expostulations of his aunt, to which he replied
by the following letter addressed to her husband : —
' Sir,
' Though my temper could never stoop to offer, nor,
I believe, your disposition deign to receive, that gross
incense which the illiberal only expect, and none but
the base-minded condescends to pay, my sentiments
have always done justice to your generosity, and
my intention scrupulously adhered to the dictates of
my duty. Conscious of this integrity of heart, I
cannot but severely feel your lady's unkind (I will
not call it ungenerous) recapitulation of the favours
I have received; and, as I take it for granted that
you knew and approved of her letter, I must beg
leave to assure you, that far from being swayed by
menaces and reproach, I have determined to embrace
the most abject extremity of fortune rather than sub-
mit to such dishonourable compulsion. AVhen I am
treated in a more delicate and respectful manner I
hope I shall behave as becomes,
*Sir,
' Your obliged,
' ' P. Pickle/
184 THE ADVENTURES OF
The commodore, who did not understand those nice
distinctions of behaviom-, and dreaded the consequence
of Peregrine's amour, against which he was strangely
prepossessed, seemed exasperated at the insolence and
obstinacy of his adopted son ; to whose epistle he
wrote the following answer, which was transmitted by
the hand of Hatchway, who had orders to bring the
delinquent along with him to the garrison.
* Heark ye child,
' You need not bring your fine speeches to bear
upon me. You only expend your ammunition to no
pui-pose. Your aunt told you nothing but truth ; for
it is always fair and honourable to be above-board,
d'ye see. I am informed as how you are in chase of
a painted galley, which will decoy you upon the flats
of destruction, unless you keep a better look-out and
a surer reckoning than you have hitherto done ; and
I have sent Jack Hatchway to see how the land lays,
and warn you of your danger. If so be as you will
put about ship, and let him steer you into this har-
bour, you shall meet with a safe berth and friendly
reception ; but if you refuse to alter your com'se, you
cannot expect any further assistance from, yours as
you behave,
' Hawser Trunnion.'
Peregrine was equally piqued and disconcerted at
the receipt of this letter, which was quite different
from what he had expected, and declared in a resolute
tone to the lieutenant, who brought it, that he might
return as soon as he pleased, for he had determined to
consult his own inclination, and remain for some time
longer where he was.
Hatchway endeavoured to persuade him, by all the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 1^5
arguments which his sagacity and friendship could
supply, to show a little more deference for the old
man, who was by this time rendered fretful and
peevish by the gout, which now hindered him from
enjoying himself as usual, and who might, in his
passion, take some step very much to the detriment
of the young gentleman whom he. had hitherto con-
sidered as his own son. Among other remonstrances,
Jack observed that mayhap Peregrine had got under
Emilia's hatches, and did not choose to set her adrift ;
and if that was the case, he himself would take charge
of the vessel and see her cargo safely delivered ; for he
had a respect for the young woman, and his needle
pointed towards matrimony, and as in all probability
she could not be much the worse for the wear, he
would make shift to scud through life with her under
an easy sail.
Our lover was deaf to all his admonitions, and
having thanked him for this last instance of his com-
plaisance, repeated his resolution of adhering to his
first purpose. Hatchway, having profited so little
by mild exhortations, assumed a more peremptory
aspect, and plainly told him he neither could nor
would go home without him ; so he had best make
immediate preparations for the voyage.
Peregrine made no other reply to this declaration
than by a contemptuous smile, and rose from his seat
in order to retire; upon which the lieutenant started
up, and posting himself by the door, protested, with
some menacing gestures, that he would not suffer him
to run ahead neither. The other, incensed at this pre-
sumption in attempting to detain him by force, tripped
up his wooden leg, and laid him on his back in a
moment; then walked deliberately towards the park,
in order to indulge his reflection, which at that time
186 THE ADVENTURES OE
teemed with disagreeable thoughts. He had not pro-
ceeded two hundred steps, when he heard something
blowing and stamping behind him, and looking back,
• perceived the lieutenant at his heels, with rage and
indignation in his countenance. This exasperated sea-
man, impatient of the affront he had received, and
forgetting all the circumstances of their former in-
timacy, advanced with great eagerness to his old
friend, saying, ' Look ye, brother, you're a saucy
* boy, and if you was at sea, I would have your
' backside brought to the davit for your disobedience ;
' but as we are on shore, you and I must crack a
' pistol at one another. Here is a brace, you shall
' take which you please.'
Peregrine, upon recollection, was sorry for having
been laid under the necessity for disobliging honest
Jack, and very frankly asked his pardon for what he
had done. But this condescension was misinterpreted
by the other, who refused any other satisfaction but
that which an officer ought to claim ; and, with some
irreverent expressions, asked if Perry was afraid of
his bacon. The youth, inflamed at this unjust in-
sinuation, darted a ferocious look at the challenger,
told him he had paid but too much regard to his
infirmities, and bid him walk forward to the park,
where he would soon convince him of his error if he
thought his concession proceeded from fear.
About this time they were overtaken by Pipes, who,
having heard the lieutenant's fall and seen him pocket
his pistols, suspected that there was a quarrel in the
case, and followed him with a view of protecting his
master. Peregrine seeing him arrive, and guessing
his intention, assumed an air of serenity, and pre-
tending that he had left his handkerchief at the inn,
ordered his man to go and fetch it to him in the park,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 187
where he would find them at his return. This com-
mand was twice repeated before Tom would take any
other notice of the message except by shaking his
head ; but being urged with many threats and curses
to obedience, he gave them to understand that he
knew their drift too well to trust them by themselves.
' As for you, Lieutenant Hatchway,' said he, ' I have
* been your shipmate, and know you to be a sailor,
' that's enough; and as for master, I know him to
* be as good a man as ever stepped between stem and
' stern ; whereby, if you have anything to say to him,
*I am your man, as the saying is. Here's my sap-
* ling, and I don't value your crackers of a rope's
' end.' This oration, the longest that ever Pipes was
known to make, he concluded with a flourish of his
cudgel, and enforced with such determined refusals
to leave them, that they found it impossible to bring
the cause to mortal arbitrament at that time, and
strolled about the park in profound silence; during
which. Hatchway's indignation subsiding, ho all on
a sudden thrust out his hand as an advance to recon-
ciliation, which being cordially shaken by Peregrine,
a general pacification ensued, and was followed by a
consultation about the means of extricating the youth
from his present perplexity. Had his disposition been
like that of most other young men, it would have
been no difficult task to overcome his difficulties, but
such was the obstinacy of his pride that he deemed
himself bound in honour to resent the letters he had
received; and instead of submitting to the pleasure
of the commodore, expected an acknowledgment from
him, without which he would listen to no terms of
accommodation. ' Had I been his own son,' said he,
^ I should have borne his reproof, and sued for for-
' giveness ; but knowing myself to be on the footing
188 THE ADVENTURES OF
' of an orphan, who depends entirely upon his bene-
' volence, I am jealous of everything that can be con-
' strued into disrespect, and insist upon being treated
* with the most punctual regard. I shall now make
' application to my father, who is obliged to provide
' for me by the ties of nature as well as by the laws
' of the land ; and if he shall refuse to do me justice,
* I can never want employment while men are required
' for his Majesty's service.'
The lieutenant, alarmed at this intimation, begged
he would take no new step until he should hear from
him ; and that very evening set out for the garrison,
where he gave Trunnion an account of the miscar-
riage of his negotiation, told him how highly Pere-
grine was offended at the letter, communicated the
young gentleman's sentiment and resolution, and finally
assured him that, unless he should think proper to
ask pardon for the offence he had committed, he would
in all appearance never more behold the face of his
godson.
The old commodore was utterly confounded at this
piece of intelligence ; he had expected all the humility
of obedience and contrition from the young man ; and
instead of that, received nothing but the most indignant
opposition, and even found himself in the circum-
stances of an offender, obliged to make atonement or
forfeit all correspondence with his favourite. These
insolent conditions at fii'st threw him into an agony
of wrath, and he vented execrations with such rapidity,
that he left himself no time to breathe, and had almost
been suffocated with his choler. He inveighed bitterly
against the ingratitude of Peregrine, whom he men-
tioned with many opprobrious epithets, and swore that
he ought to be keel-hawled for his presumption ; but
when he began to reflect more coolly upon the spirit
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 189
of the young gentleman, which had already manifested
itself on many occasions, and listened to the sugges-
tions of Hatchway, whom he had always considered
as an oracle in his way, his resentment abated, and
he determined to take Perry into favour again; this
placability being not a little facilitated by Jack's
narrative of our hero's intrepid behaviour at the
assembly^ as well as in the contest with him in the
park. J^ut still this plaguy amour occurred like a
bugbear to his imaginati ojc^ for he held it as an v/
infallible maxim, that woman was an eternal source of
misery to man^ Indeed, this apophthegm he seldom
repeated since nis marriage, except in the company
of a very few intimates, to whose secrecy and discre-
tion he could trust. Finding Jack himself at a non-
plus in the affair of Emilia, he consulted Mrs. Trun-
nion, who was equally surprised and offended when
she understood that her letter did not produce the
desired effect; and after having imputed the youth's
obstinacy to his uncle's unseasonable indulgence, had
recourse to the advice of the parson, who still, with an
eye to his friend's advantage, c ounselled them to send
the , young g entleman on his travels, in the course of
which he would, in all probability, forget the amuse-
ments of his greener years. The proposal was judi-
cious, and immediately approved, when Trunnion
going into his closet, after divers efforts, produced
the following billet, with which Jack departed for
Windsor that same afternoon: —
* My good lad,
' If I gave offence in my last letter, I'm sorry for't,
' d'ye see ; I thought it was the likeliest way to bring
' you up ; but in time to come you shall have a larger
' swing of cable. When you can spare time, I shall
190 THE ADVENTURES OF
' be glad if you will make a short trip, and see your
* aunt, and him who is
' Your loving godfather,
* and humble servant,
' Hawser Trunnion.
'P.S. If you want money, you may draw upon me
' payable at sight.'
CHAPTER XXVI.
He hecomes melancholy and despondent; is favoured
ivith a condescending letter from his uncle ; reconciles
himself to his governor ; and sets out with Emilia and
her friend for Mrs. Gauntleis house.
Peregrine, fortified as he was with pride and indig-
nation, did not fail to feel the smarting suggestions of
his present situation ; after having lived so long in an
affluent and imperious manner, he could ill brook the
thoughts of submitting to the ^^rti^ing exigencies of
life. All the gaudy schemes of pomp and pleasure,
which his luxuriant imagination had formed, began to
dissolve, a train of melancholy ideas took possession of
his thoughts, and the prospect of losing Emilia was
not the least part of his affliction. Though he endea- ■
voured to suppress the chagrin that preyed upon his
heart, he could not conceal the disturbance of his mind
from the penetration of that amiable young lady, who
sympathized with him in her heart, though she could
not give her tongue the liberty of asking the cause of
his disorder ; for notwithstanding all the ardour of his
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 191
addresses, he never could obtain from her the declara-
tion of a mutual flame; because, though he had
hitherto treated her with the utmost reverence of
respect, he had never once mentioned the final aim of
his passion. However honourable she supposed it to
be, she had discernment enough to foresee, that vanity
or interest, co-operating with the levity of youth,
might one day deprive her of her lover, and^hajwas.
too proud to give him any handle of exulting at her
expense. Although he was received by her with the
most distinguished civility, and even an intimacy of
friendship, all his solicitations could never extort from
her an acknowledgment of love; on the contrary,
being of a gay disposition, she sometimes coquetted
with other admirers, that his attention thus whetted
might never abate, and that he might see she had
other resources in case he should flag in his affection.
This being the prudential plan on which she acted,
it cannot be supposed that she would condescend to
inquire into the state of his thoughts when she saw him
thus affected ; but she, nevertheless, imposed that task
on her cousin and confidante, who, as they walked
together in the park, observed that he seemed to be
out of humour. When this is the case, such a question
generally increases the disease ; at least, it had that
effect upon Peregrine, who replied, somewhat peevishly,
* I assure you, madam, you never were more out in
' your observations.' ' I think so too,' said Emilia,
^ for I never saw Mr. Pickle in higher spirits.' This
ironical encomium completed his confusion ; he affected
to smile, but it_was a smile of anguish, -and_in his heart
hgj cursed the vivacity of both. He could not for his
soul re-collect himself so as to utter one connected
sentence ; and the suspicion that they observed every
circumstance of his behaviour threw such a damp on
192 THE ADVENTURES OF
his spirits, that he was quite overwhelmed with shame
and resentment, when Sophy, casting her eyes towards
the gate, said, ' Yonder is yom- servant, Mr. Pickle,
' with another man who seems to have a wooden leg/
Peregrine started at this intelligence, and immediately
underwent sundry changes of complexion, knowing
that his fate, in a great measure, depended upon the
information he would receive from his friend.
Hatchway advancing to the company, after a brace
of sea-bows to the ladies, took the youth aside, and
put the commodore's letter into his hand, which threw
him into such an agitation, that he could scarce pro-
nounce ' Ladies, will you give me leave ? ' When, in
consequence of their permission, he attempted to open
the billet, he fumbled with such manifest disorder, that
his mistress, who watched his motions, began to think
there was something very interesting in the message ;
and so much was she affected with his concern, that
she was fain to turn her head another way and wipe
the tears from her lovely eyes.
Meanwhile, Peregrine no sooner read the first sen-
tence, than his countenance, which before was overcast
with a deep gloom, began to be lighted up, and every
feature unbending by degrees, he recovered his serenity.
Having perused the letter, his eyes sparkling with joy
and gratitude, he hugged the lieutenant in his arms,
and presented him to the ladies as one of his best
friends. Jack met with a most gracious reception, and
shook Emilia by the hand, telling her, with the familiar
appellation of old acquaintance, that he did not care
how soon he was master of such another clean-going
frigate as herself.
The whole company partook of this favourable
change that evidently appeared in our lover's re-col-
lection, and enlivened his conversation with such an
PEEEORINE PICKLE. 193
uncommon flow of sprightliness and good-liumour as
even made an impression on tlie iron countenance of
Pipes himself, who actually smiled with satisfaction as
he walked behind them.
The evening being pretty far advanced, they directed
their course homeward ; and while the valet attended
Hatchway to the inn, Peregrine escorted the ladies to
their lodgings, where he owned the justness of Sophy's
remark in saying he was out of humour, and told them
he had been extremely chagrined at a difference which
had happened between him and his uncle, to whom (by
the letter which they had seen him receive) he now
found himself happily reconciled.
Having received their congratulations, and declined
staying to sup with them on account of the longing
desire he had to converse with his friend Jack, he
took his leave and repaired to the inn, where Hatch-
way informed him of everything that had happened
in the garrison upon his representations. [Far from
being disgusted, he was perfectly well pleased with
the prospect of going abroad, \diifiiL_flattered— Jais
vanity_and ambition, gratified his thirst after know-
ledge, and indulged that turn for observation for which
he had been remarkable from his most tender years7\
Neither did he believe a short absence would tend to
the prejudice of his love, but, on the contrary, enhance
the value of his heart, because he should return better
accomplished, and consequently a more welcome offer-
ing to his misti'ess. Elevated with these sentiments,
his heart dilated with joy, and the sluices of his natural
benevolence being opened by this happy turn of his
affairs, he sent his compliments to Mr. Jolter, to whom
he had not spoken during a whole week, and desu-ed
he would favour Mr. Hatchway and him with his
company to supper.
VOL. III. 13
194 THE ADVENTURES OF
The governor was not weak enongli to decline this
invitation ; in consequence of which he forthwith
appeared, and was cordially welcomed by the relent-
ing pupil, who expressed his sorrow for the misun-
derstanding which had prevailed between them, and
assured him that, for the future, he would avoid
giving him any just cause of complaint. Jolter, who
did not want affections, was melted by this acknow-
ledgment, which he could not have expected, and
earnestly protested that his chief study had always
been, and ever should be, to promote Mr. Pickle's
interest and happiness.
The best part of the night being spent in the cir-
culation of a cheerful glass, the company broke up ;
and next morning Peregrine went out with a view of
making his mistress acquainted with his uncle's inten-
7 tion of sending him out of the kingdom for his im-
provement, and of saying everything which he thought
i- necessary for the ^ jmter eji^of his love. He found her
at breakfast with her cousin ; and as he was very
full of the subject of his visit, had scarcely fixed him-
self in his seat, when he brought it upon the carpet
by asking, with a smile, if the ladies had any com-
mands for Paris? Emilia at this question began to
stare ; and her confidante desu-ed to know who was
going thither ? He no sooner gave them to understand
that he himself intended in a short time to visit that
capital, than his mistress, with great precipitation,
wished him a good journey, and affected to talk with
indifference about the pleasures he would enjoy in
France ; but when he seriously assured Sophy, who
asked if he was in earnest, that his uncle actually
insisted upon his making a short tour, the tears gushed
in poor Emilia's eyes, and she was at great pains to
conceal her concern by observing that the tea was so
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 195
scalding hot as to make her eyes water. This pretext
was too thin to impose upon her lover, or even deceive
the observation of her friend Sophy, who after break-
fast took an opportmiity of quitting the room.
Thus left by themselves, Peregrine imparted to her
what he had learnt of the commodore's intention,
without, however, mentioning a syllable of his being
offended at their correspondence ; and accompanied
his information with such fervent vows of eternal
constancy and solemn promises of a speedy return,
that Emily's heart, which had been invaded by a sus-
picion that his scheme of travelling was the effect of
her lover's inconstancy, began to be more at ease;
and she could not help signifying her approbation of
his design.
This affair being amicably compromised, he asked
how soon she proposed to set out for her mother's
house ; and understanding that her departure was fixed
for next day but one, and that her cousin Sophy in-
tended to accompany her in her father's chariot, he
repeated his intention of attending her. In the mean-
time he dismissed his governor and the lieutenant to
the garrison, with his compliments to his aunt and the
commodore, and a faithful promise of his being with
them in six days at farthest.
These previous measures being taken, he, attended
by Pipes, set out with the ladies ; and they had also
a convoy for twelve miles from Sophy's father, who
at parting recommended them piously to the care of
Peregrine, with whom by this time he was perfectly
well acquainted.
13—2
196 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER XXVII.
They meet idth a dreadful alarm on the road; arrive
at their journey s end. Peregrine is introduced to
Emily s brother; these tioo young gentlemen misunder-
stand each other. Pickle departs for the garrison.
As tliey travelled at an easy rate, they had performed
something more than one-half of their journey when
they were benighted near an inn, at which they re-
solved to lodge. The accommodation was very good,
they supped together with great mirth and enjoyment,
and it was not till after he had been warned by the
yawns of the ladies that he conducted them to their
apartment, where, wishing them good night, he retired
to his own and went to rest.
The house was crowded with country people who
had been at a neighbouring fair, and now regaled
themselves with ale and tobacco in the yard ; so that
their consideration, which at any time was but slender,
being now overwhelmed by this debauch, they stag-
gered into their respective kennels, and left a lighted
candle sticking to one of the wooden pillars that sup-
ported the gallery. The flame in a little time laid
hold on the wood, which was as dry as tinder, and the
whole gallery was on fire, when Peregrine suddenly
waked, and found himself almost suffocated. He
sprang up in an instant, slipped on his breeches, and
throwing open the door of his chamber, saw the whole
entry in a blaze.
Heavens ! what were the emotions of his soul, when
he beheld the volumes of flame and smoke rolling
towards the room where his dear Emilia lay Regard-
PEUEORINE PICKLE. 197
less of his own danger, he darted himself through
the thickest of the gloom, when, knocking hard, and
calling at the same time to the ladies with the most
anxious entreaty to be admitted, the door was opened
by Emilia in her shift, who asked, with the utmost
trepidation, what was the matter ? He made no reply,
but snatching her up in his arms, like another i^jieas,
bore her through the flames to a place of safety,
where, leaving her before she could re-collect herself,
or pronounce one word but, ' Alas ! my cousin Sophy ! '
he flew back to the rescue of that young lady, and
found her already deUvered by Pipes, who, having
been alarmed by the smell of fire, had got up, rushed
immediately to the chamber where he knew these
companions lodged, and, Emily being saved by her
lover, brought off Miss Sophy, with the loss of his own
shock-head of hair, which was singed off in his retreat.
By this time the whole inn was alarmed; every
lodger as well as servant exerted himself in order to
stop the progress of this calamity ; and there being a
well-replenished horsepond in the yard, in less than an
hour the fire was totally extinguished, without having
done any other damage than that of consuming about
two yards of the wooden -gallery.
All this time our young gentleman closely attended
his fair charge, each of whom had swooned with
apprehension; but as their constitutions were good,
and their spirits not easily dissipated, when, upon
reflection, they found themselves and their company
safe, and that the flames were happily quenched,
the tumult of their fears subsided, they put on their
clothes, recovered their good-humour, and began to
rally each other on the trim in which they had been
secured. Sophy observed that now Mr. Pickle had an
indisputable claim to her cousin's affection, and there-
198 THE ADVENTURES OF
fore slie ought to lay aside all affected reserve for the
future, and frankly avow the sentiments of her heart.
Emily retorted the argument, putting her in mind that,
by the same claim, Mr. Pipes was entitled to the like
return from her. Her friend admitted the force of the
conclusion, provided she could not find means of satis-
fying her deliverer in another shape ; and turning to
the valet, who happened to be present, asked if his heart
was not otherwise engaged ? Tom, who did not con-
ceive the meaning of the question, stood silent accord-
ing to custom ; and the interrogation being repeated,
answered with a grin, ' Heartwhole as a biscuit, I'll
'assure you, mistress.' 'What!' said Emilia, 'have
' you never been in love, Thomas ? ' ' Yes, forsooth,'
replied the valet, without hesitation, ' sometimes of a
' morning.' Peregrine could not help laughing, and
his mistress looked a little disconcerted at this blunt
repartee ; while Sophy, slipping a purse into his hand,
told him there was something to purchase a periwig.
Tom, having consulted his master's eyes, refused the
present, saying, ' No, thank ye as much as if I did.'
And though she insisted upon his putting it in his
pocket, as a small testimony of her gratitude, he could
not be prevailed upon to avail himself of her gene-
rosity ; but following her to the other end of the room,
thrust it into her sleeve without ceremony, exclaim-
ing, ' I'll be d — to h — if I do ! ' Peregrine having
checked him for his boorish behaviour, sent him out of
the room, and begged that Miss Sophy would not
endeavour to debauch the morals of his servant, who,
rough and uncultivated as he was, had sense enough
to perceive that he had no pretension to any such
acknowledgment. But she argued, with great vehe-
mence, that she should never be able to make an
aclinowledgment adequate to the service he had done
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 199
her, and that she should never be perfectly easy in
her own mind until she found some opportunity of
manifesting the sense she had of the obligation. ^ I do
' not pretend,' said she, ' to reward Mr. Pipes ; but I
^ shall be absolutely unhappy unless I am allowed to
' give him some token of my regard.'
Peregrine, thus earnestly solicited, desired, that
since she was bent upon displaying her generosity,
she would not bestow upon him any pecuniary grati-
fication, but honour him with some trinket as a mark
of consideration; because he himself had such a par-
ticular value for the fellow, on account of his attach-
ment and fidelity, that he should be sorry to see
him treated on the footing of a common mercenary
domestic.
There was not one jewel in the possession of this
gi'ateful young lady, that she would not have gladly
given as a recompence, or badge of distinction, to her
rescuer; but his master pitched upon a seal-ring of
no great value that hung at her watch, and Pipes being
called in, had permission to accept that testimony of
Miss Sophy's favour. (Tom received it accordingly
with sundry scrapes, and having kissed it with great
devotion, put it on his little finger, and strutted off,
extremely proud of his acquisition^
Emilia, with a most enchanting sweetness of aspect,
told her lover, that he had instructed her how to
behave towards him; and taking a diamond-ring
from her finger, desired he would wear it for her
sake. He received the pledge as became him, and
presented another in exchange, which she at first
refused, alleging that it would destroy the intent of
her acknowledgment; but Peregrine assured her, he
had accepted her jewel, not as a proof of her grati-
tude, but as a mark of her love; and that, if she
200 THE ADVENTURES OF
refused a mutual token, he should look upon himself as
the object of her disdain. Her eyes kindled, and her
cheeks glowed with resentment at this impudent inti-
mation, which she considered as an unseasonable
insult; and the young gentleman, perceiving her
emotion, stood corrected for his temerity, and asked
pardon for the liberty of his remonstrance, which
he hoped she would ascribe to the prevalence of that
principle alone, which he had always taken pride in
avowing.
Sophy, seeing him disconcerted, interposed in his
behalf, and chid her cousin for having practised such
unnecessary affectation ; upon which, Emilia, softened
into compliance, held out her finger as a signal of her
condescension. Peregrine put on the ring with great
eagerness, mumbled her soft white hand in an ecstasy
which would not allow him to confine his embraces
to that limb, but urged him to seize her by the waist,
and snatch a delicious kiss from her love-pouting
lips; nor would he leave her a butt to the ridicule
of Sophy, on whose mouth he instantly committed a
rape of the same nature; so that the two friends,
countenanced by each other, reprehended him with
such gentleness of rebuke, that he was almost tempted
to repeat the offence.
The morning being now lighted up, and the servants
of the inn on foot, he ordered some chocolate for
breakfast, and at the desire of the ladies, sent Pipes
to see the horses fed and the chariot prepared, while
he went to the bar and discharged the bill.
These measures being taken, they set out about five
o'clock, and having refreshed themselves and their
cattle at another inn on the road, proceeded in the
afternoon. Without meeting with any other accident,
they safely arrived at the place of then* destination,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 201
where Mrs. Gauntlet expressed her joy at seeing her
old friend Mr. Pickle, whom, however, she kindly
reproached for the long discontinuance of his regard.
Without explaining the cause of that interruption, he
protested that his love and esteem had never been
discontinued, and that, for the future, he should omit
no occasion of testifying how much he had her friend-
ship at heart. She then made him acquainted with
her son, who at that time was in the house, being
excused from his duty by furlough.
This young man, whose name was Godfrey, was
about the age of twenty, of a middling size, vigorous
make, remarkably well-shaped, and the scars of the
small-pox, of which he bore a good number, added
a peculiar manliness to the air of his countenance.
His capacity was good, and his disposition naturally
frank and easy ; but he had been a soldier from his
infancy, and his education was altogether in the mili-
tary style. He looked upon taste and letters as mere
pedantry, beneath the consideration of a gentleman,
and every civil station of life as mean when com-
pared with the profession of arms. He had made
great progress in the gymnast ic sciences of dancing,
fencing, and riding, played perfectly well on the
German flute, and, above all things, valued himself
upon a scrupulous observance of all the points of
honour.
Had Peregrine and he considered themselves upon
an equal footing, in all probability they would have
immediately entered into a league of intimacy and
friendship •, but this sufficient soldier looked upon
his sister's admirer as a young student raw from the
university and utterly ignorant of mankind ; while
Squire Pickle beheld Godfrey in the light of a needy
volunteer, greatly inferior to himself in fortune, as well
202 THE adv£:ntures 01^
as every other accomplishment. This mutual mis-
understanding could not fail of producing animosities.
The very next day after Peregrine's arrival, some
sharp repartees passed between them in presence of
the ladies, before whom each endeavoured to assert
his superiority. In these contests our hero never failed
of obtaining the victory, because his genius was more
acute and his talents better cultivated than those of
his antagonist, who therefore took umbrage at his
success, became jealous of his reputation, and began
to treat him with marks of scorn and disrespect.
His sister saw, and dreading the consequences of
his ferocity, not only took him to task in private for
his impolite behaviour, but also entreated her lover
to make allowances for the roughness of her brother's
education. He kindly assured her that, whatever
pains it might cost him to vanquish his own impetu-
ous temper, he would for her sake endure all the
mortifications to which her brother's arrogance might
expose him; and after having stayed with her twd
days, and enjoyed several private interviews, during
which he a cte d th e part of a most passionate lover,
he took his leave of Mrs. Gauntlet over-night, and
told the young ladies he would call early next morning
to bid them farewell. He did not neglect this piece of
duty, and found the two friends and breakfast already
prepared in the parlour. All three being extremely
affected with the thoughts of parting, a most pathetic
silence for some time prevailed, till Peregrine put an
end to it by lamenting his fate in being obliged to
exile himself so long from the dear object of his most
intere^sting wish. He begged, with the most earnest
supplications, that she would now, in consideration of
the cruel absence he must suffer, give him the con-
solation which she had hitherto refused, namely, that
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 203
of knowing he possessed a place within her heart.
The confidante seconded his request, representing that
it was now no time to disguise her sentiments when
her lover was about to leave the kingdom, and might
be in danger of contracting other connexions, unless
he was confirmed in his constancy by knowing how
far he could depend upon her love; and, in short,
she was plied with such irresistible importunities, that
she answered in the utmost confusion, ' Though I have
avoided literal acknowledgments, methinks the cir-
cumstances of my behaviour might have convinced
Mr. Pickle that I do not regard him as a common
acquaintance.' ' My charming Emily ! ' cried the
mpatient lover, throwing himself at her feet, ' why
will you deal out my happiness in such scanty por-
tions ? Why i will you t^us mince the declaration
which would overwhelm (me;^ith pleasure, and cheer
my lonely reflection while I sigh amid the solitude
of separation ? ' His fair mistress, melted by this
mage, replied, with the tears gushing from her eyes,
I'm afraid I shall feel that separation more severely
than you imagine ! ' Transported at this flattering
concession, he pressed her to his breast, and while
her head reclined upon his neck, mingled his tears
with hers in great abundance, breathing^ the most
te nder vo ws of eternal fidelity. The gentle heart of
Sophy could not bear this scene unmoved; she wept
with sympathy, and encouraged the lovers to resign
themselves to the will of fate, and support their spirits
with the hope of meeting again on happier terms.
Finally, after mutual promises, exhortations, and en-
dearments, Peregrine took his leave, his heart being so
full that he could scarcely pronounce the word Adieu !
and mounting his horse at the door, set out with Pipes
for the garrison.
204 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER XXVIII.
Peregrine is overtaken hy Mr. Gauntlet^ with whom he
fights a duel., and contracts an intimate friendship.
He arrives at the garrison., and finds his mother as
implacable as ever. He is insulted hy his brother
Gam, whose preceptor he disciplines with a horse-
whip.
In order to expel the melancholy images that took
possession of his fancy at parting from his mistress, he
called in the flattering ideas of those pleasm^es he
expected to enjoy in France, and befo]"e he had ridden
ten miles, his imagination was effectually amused.
While he thus prosecuted his travels by anticipation,
and indulged himself in all the insolence of hope, at
the turning of a lane he was all of a sudden overtaken
by Emilia's brother on horseback, Avho told him he
was riding the same way, and should be glad of his
company.
This young gentleman, whether prompted by per-
sonal pique or actuated with zeal for the honour of
his family, had followed our hero with a view of
obhging him to explain the nature of his attachment
to his sister. Peregrine returned his compliment with
such disdainful civility as gave him room to believe
that he suspected his errand; and therefore, without
further preamble, he declared his business in these
words : ' Mr. Pickle, you have carried on a correspon-
' dence with my sister for some time, and I should be
^ glad to know the nature of it ? ' To this question our
lover replied, ' Sir, I should be glad to know what
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 205
' title you have to demand tliat satisfaction ? ' ' Sir,'
answered the other, ' I demand it in the capacity of a
' brother, jealous of his own honour as well as of his
' sister's reputation ; and if your intentions are honour-
' able, you will not refuse it.' ' Sir,' said Peregrine,
' I am not at present disposed to appeal to your opinion
' for the rectitude of my intentions ; and I think you
' assume a little too much importance in pretending to
^ judge my conduct.' ' Sir,' replied the soldier, ' I pre-
' tend to judge the conduct of every man who inter-
' feres with my concerns, and even to chastise him if I
' think he acts amiss.' ' Chastise ! ' cried the youth,
with indignation in his looks, ' sure you dare not apply
* that term to me ? ' * You are deceived,' said Godfrey,
' I dare do anything that becomes the character of a
* gentleman.' ' Gentleman, God wot ! ' replied the
other, looking contemptuously at his equipage, which
was none of the most superb, ' a very pretty gentleman,
' truly.' The soldier's wrath was inflamed by this
ironical repetition, the contempt of which his conscious
poverty made him feel ; and he called his antagonist a
presumptuous boy, insolent upstart, with other epithets,
which Perry retorted with great bitterness. A formal
challenge having passed between them, they alighted
at the first inn, and walked into the next field, in order
to decide their quarrel by the sword. Having pitched
upon the spot, helped to pull off each other's boots,
and laid aside their coats and waistcoats, Mr. Gauntlet
told his opponent that he himself was looked upon in
the aiTny as an expert swordsman, and that if Mr.
Pickle had not made that science his particular study,
they should be upon a more equal footing in using
pistols. Per^grine_was too m uch incensed to thank
himJoT^his^lai^ and too confident of his own
skill to re lish theotherVproposal, wliich he accordingly
206 THE ADVENTURES OF
rejected. Then, drawing his sword, he observed that,
were he to treat Mr. Gauntlet according to his deserts,
he wouhl order his man to punish his audacity with a
horsewhip. Exasperated at this expression, which
he considered as an indelible affront, he made no
reply, but attacked his adversary with equal ferocity
and address. The youth parried his fii'st and second
thrust, but received the third in the outside of his
sword-arm. Though the wound was superficial, he
was transported with rage at the sight of his own
blood, and returned the assault with such fury and
precipitation, that Gauntlet, loth to take advantage of
his unguarded heat, stood upon the defensive. In the
second lunge, Peregrine's weapon entering a kind of
net-work in the shell of Godfrey's sword, the blade
snapped in two, and left him at the mercy of the
soldier, who, far from making an insolent use of the
victory he had gained, put up his toledo with great
deliberation, like a man who had been used to that
kind of recounters, observed that such a blade as
Peregrine's was not to be trusted with a man's life.
/'^"Then advising_jthe_Qw:ner_lo_lreat a gentlenian in dis-
tres s with morejrespect for^ the future, he slipped on
his boots, and, with sullen dignity 'of demeanour,
( stalked back to the inn.
Though Pickle was exti-emely mortified at his mis-
carriage in this adventure, he was also struck with
the behaviour of his antagonist, which afi'ected him
the more, as he understood that Godfrey's jierte had
proceeded from the jealous sensibility of a gentleman
declined into the vale of misfortune. Gauntlet's valour
and moderation induced him to put a favourable con-
. sti'uction on all those circumstances of that young
soldier's conduct which before had given him disgust.
Though in any other case he would have industriously
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 207
avoided the least appearance of submission, he followed
his conqueror to the inn with a view of thanking him
for his generous forbearance, and of soliciting his
friendship and correspondence.
Godfrey had his foot in the stirrup to mount, when
Peregrine, coming up to him, desired he would defer
his departure for a quarter of an hour, and favom- him
with a little private conversation. The soldier, who
mistook the meaning of the request, immediately
quitted his horse and followed Pickle into a chamber,
where he expected to find a brace of pistols loaded on
the table ; but he was very agreeably deceived when
our hero, in the most respectful terms, acknowledged
his noble deportment in the field, owned that till then
he had misunderstood his character, and begged that
he would honour him with liis intimacy and corre-
spondence.
Gauntlet, who had seen undoubted proofs of Pere-
gi'ine's courage, which had considerably raised him
in his esteem, and had sense enough to perceive that
this concession was not owing to any sordid or sinister
motive, embraced his offer with demonstrations of in-
finite satisfaction. When he understood the terms on
which Mr. Pickle was with his sister, he proffered his
service in his turn, either as agent, mediator, or con-
fidant ; nay, to give his new friend a convincing proof
of his sincerity, he disclosed to him a passion which
he had for some time entertained for his cousin. Miss
Sophy, though he durst not reveal his sentiments to
her father, lest he should be offended at his presump-
tion, and withdraw his protection from the family.
Peregrine's generous heart was wrung with anguish
when he understood that this young gentleman, who
was the only son of a distinguished officer, had carried
arms for the space of five years without being able to
208 THE ADVENTURES OF
obtain a subaltern's commission, though he had always
behaved with remarkable regularity and spirit, and
acquired the friendship and esteem of all the officers
under whom he had served.
He would at that time, with the utmost pleasure,
have shared his finances with him ; but as he would
not run the risk of offending the young soldier's
delicacy of honour by a premature exertion of his
liberality, he resolved to insinuate himself into an
intimacy with him before he would venture to take
such freedoms ; and with that view pressed Mr.
Gauntlet to accompany him to the garrison, where
he did not doubt of having influence enough to make
him a welcome guest. Godfrey thanked him very
courteously for his invitation, which he said he could
not immediately accept, but promised, if he would
favour him with a letter, and fix the time at which
he proposed to set out for France, he would endeavour
to visit him at the commodore's habitation, and thence
give him a convoy to Dover. This new treaty being
settled, and a dossil of lint with a snip of plaster
applied to our adventurer's wound, he parted from the
brother of his dear Emilia, to whom and his fi^iend
Sophy he sent his kindest wishes ; and having lodged
one night upon the road, arrived next day in the
afternoon at the garrison, where he found all his
friends in good health and oveijoyed at his return.
The commodore, who was by this time turned of
seventy, and altogether crippled by the gout, seldom
went abroad ; and as his conversation was not very
entertaining, had but little company within doors ; so
that his spiiits must have quite stagnated had not they
been kept in motion by the conversation of Hatchway,
and received at different times a wholesome fillip fi-om
the discipline of his spouse, who, by the force of
{
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 209
pride, religion, and cogniac, bad erected a most ter-
rible tyranny in tlie house. There was such a quick
circulation of domestics in the family, that every suit
of livery had been worn by figures of all dimensions.
Trunnion himself had, long before this time, yielded to
the torrent of her arbitrary sway, though not without
divers obstinate efforts to maintain his liberty ; and
now that he was disabled by his infirmities, when he
used to hear his empress singing the loud Orthyan song
among the servants below, he would often in whispers
communicate to the lieutenant hints of what he would
do ' if so be as how he was not deprived of the use of
' his precious limbs.' [Hatchway was the only person
whom the temper of Mrs. Trunnion respected, either
because she dreaded his ridicule, or looked upon his
person with eyes of afifectionl This being the situation
of things in the garrison, it is not to be doubted that
the old gentleman highly enjoyed the presence of
Peregrine, who foimd means to ingi-atiate himself so
effectually with his aunt, that while he remained at
home, she seemed to have exchanged the disposition
of a tigress for that of a gentle kid ; but he found his
mother implacable, and his father as much henpecked,
as ever.
Gamaliel, who now very seldom enjoyed the con-
versation of his old friend the commodore, had some
time ago entered into an amicable society, consisting
of the barber, apothecary, attorney, and exciseman of
the parish, among whom he used to spend the evening
at Tunley's, and listen to their disputes upon philo-
sophy and politics, with great comfort and edification,
while his sovereign lady domineered at home as usual,
visited with great pomp in the neighbourhood, and
employed her chief care in the education of her darling
son Gam, who was now in the fifteenth year of his age,
VOL. III. 14
210 THE ADVENTURES OF
and so remarkable for his perverse disposition, tliat in
spite of his mother's influence and authority, he was
not only hated, but also despised, both at home and
abroad. She had put him under the tuition of the
curate, who lived in the family, and was obliged to
attend him in all his exercises and excursions. This
governor was a low-bred fellow, who had neither
experience nor ingenuity, but possessed a large fund
of adulation and servile complaisance, by which he
had gained the good graces of Mrs. Pickle, and pre-
sided over all her deliberations in the same manner
as his superior managed those of Mrs. Trunnion.
ru. He had one day ridden out to take the air with his
pupil, who, as I have already observed, was odious to
the poor people, for having killed their dogs and
broken their enclosures, and, on account of his hump,
distinguished by the title of my lord; when in a
L narrow lane they chanced to meet Peregi'ine on
horseback. ^
The young squire no sooner perceived his elder
brother, for whom he had been instructed to enter-
tain the most inveterate grudge, than he resolved to
insult him en passarit^ and actually rode against him
full gallop. Our hero guessing his aim, fixed himself
in his stirrups, and by a dexterous management of the
reins, avoided the shock in such a manner as that their
legs only should encounter, by which means my lord
was tilted out of his saddle, and in a twinkling laid
sprawling in the dirt. The governor, enraged at the
disgrace of his charge, advanced with great insolence
and fury, and struck at Peregrine with his whip.
Nothing could be more agreeable to our young gentle-
man than this assault, which furnished him with an
opportmiity of chastising an officious wretch, whose
petulance and malice he had longed to punish. He
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 211
therefore, spurring up his horse towards his antagonist,
overthrew him in the middle of a hedge. Before he
had time to i-e-collect himself from the confusion of the
fall, Pickle alighted in a trice, and exercised his horse-
whip with such agility about the curate's face and ears,
that he was fain to prostrate himself before his enraged
conqueror, and implore his forbearance in the most
abject terms. While Peregrine was thus employed,
his brother Gam had made shift to rise and attack
him in the rear ; for which reason, when the tutor was
quelled, the victor faced about, snatched the weapon out
of his hand, and having broken it to pieces, remounted
his horse and rode off, without deigning to honour him
with any other notice.
The condition in which they returned produced
infinite clamour against the conqueror, who was re-
presented as a ruffian who had lain in ambush to make
away with his brother, in whose defence the curate
was said to have received those cruel stripes, that
hindered him from appearing for three whole weeks
in the performance of his duty.
Complaints were made to the commodore, who
having inquired into the circumstances of the affair,
approved of what his nephew had done ; adding, with
many oaths, that provided Peregrine had been out of
the scrape, he wished Crookback had broke his neck
in the fall.
14—2
212 THE ADVENTUmS OF
CHAPTER XXIX.
He projects a plan oj revenge^ which is executed against
the curate.
Our hero, exasperated at the villany of the curate, in
the treacherous misrepresentation he had made of this
rencounter, determined to practise upon him a method
of revenge, which should be not only effectual, but
also unattended with any bad consequence to himself.
For this purpose he and Hatchway, to whom he
imparted his plan, went to the ale-house one evening,
and called for an empty room, knowing there was no
other but that which they had chosen for the scene of
action. This apartment was a sort of a parlour that
fronted the kitchen, with a window towards the yard ;
where, after they had sat some time, the lieutenant
found means to amuse the landlord in discourse, while
K . Peregrine stepping out into the yard, by the talent of
y ^Hnimicry, which he possessed in a surprising degree,
counterfeited a dialogue between the curate and
Tunley's wife. This reaching the ears of the publican,
for whose hearing it was calculated, inflamed his
naturally jealous disposition to such a degree, that he
could not conceal his emotion, but made a hundred
efforts to quit the room ; while the lieutenant, smoking
his pipe with great gravity, as if he neither heard what
passed nor took notice of the landlord's disorder,
detained him on the spot by a succession of questions
which he could not refuse to answer, though he stood
sweating with agony all the time, stretching his neck
PEttEGRINE PICKLE. 213
every instant towards the window through which the
voices were conveyed, scratching his head, and exhibit-
ing sundry other symptoms of impatience and agitation.
At length the supposed conversation came to such a
pitch of amorous complaisance, that the husband, quite
frantic with his imaginary disgrace, rushed out at the
door, crying * Coming, sir.' But as he was obliged to
make a circuit round one half of the house, Peregrine
had got in by the window before Tunley arrived in the
yard.
According to the feigned intelligence he had re-
ceived, he ran directly to the barn, in expectation
of making some very extraordinary discovery; and
having employed some minutes in rummaging the
straw to no purpose, returned in a state of distraction
to the kitchen, just as his wife x^inced to enter at the
other door. The circumstance oTher appearance con-
firmed him in the opinion that the deed was done. As
the disease of being henpecked was epidemic in the
parish, he durst not express the least hint of his
uneasiness to her, but resolved to take vengeance on
the libidinous priest, who he imagined had corrupted
the chastity of his spouse.
The two confederates, in order to be certified that
their scheme had taken effect, as well as to blow up
the flame which they had kindled, called for Tunley,
in whose countenance they could easily discern his
confusion. Peregrine, desiring him to sit down and
drink a glass with them, began to interrogate him
about his family, and among other things, asked him
how long he had been married to that handsome wife ?
This question, which was put with an arch significance
of look, alarmed the publican, who began to fear
that Pickle had overheard his dishonour; and this
suspicion was not at all removed when the lieutenant,
214 THE ADVENTURES OF
with a sly regard, pronounced, ' Tunley, wasn't you
'noosed by the curate?' 'Yes, I was,' replied the
landlord, with an eagerness and perplexity of tone,
as if he thought the lieutenant knew that thereby hung
a tale; and Hatchway supported this suspicion by
answering, ' Nay, as for that matter, the cui'ate may
' be a very sufficient man in his way,' This transition
from his wife to the curate convinced him that his
shame was known to his guests ; and in the transport
of his indignation he pronounced, with great emphasis,
' A sufficient man ! Odds heart ! I believe they are
' all wolves in sheep's clothing. I wish to God I
' could see the day, master, when there shall not be a
' priest, an exciseman, or a custom-house officer in this
' kingdom. As for that fellow of a curate, if I do
' catch him — it don't signify talking. But, by the
' Lord ! Gentlemen, my service to you.'
The associates being satisfied by these abrupt in-
sinuations that they had so far succeeded in their aim,
waited with impatience two or three days in expecta-
tion of hearing that Tunley had fallen upon some
method of being revenged for this imaginary wi'ong ;
but finding that either his invention was too shallow,
or his inclination too languid, to gratify their desire
of his own accord, they determined to bring the affair
to such a crisis that he would not be able to with-
stand the opportunity of executing his vengeance.
With this view, they one evening hired a boy to run
to Mr. Pickle's house, and tell the curate that Mrs.
Tunley being taken suddenly ill, her husband desired
he would come immediately and pray with her. Mean-
while, they had taken possession of a room in the
house, and Hatchway engaging the landlord in con-
versation. Peregrine, in his return from the yard, ob-
served, as if by accident, that the parson was gone
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 215
into the kitchen in order, as he supposed, to catechise
Tunley's wife.
The publican started at this intelligence, and under
pretence of serving another company in the next room,
went out to the barn, where, arming himself with a
flail, he repaired to a lane through which the curate
was under the necessity of passing in his way home.
There he lay in ambush with fell intent, and when
t he supposed au thor of his shame arrjyed, greeted
him in the dark with such a salutation as forced him
to stagger backwards three paces at least. If the
second application had taken effect, in all probability
that spot would have been the boundary of the parson^
mortal p erjegrination ; but, luckily for him, his anta-
gonist was not expert in the management of his weapon,
which, by a twist of the thong that connected the legs,
instead of pitching upon the head of the astonished
curate, descended in an oblique direction on his own
pate with such a swing that the skull actually rung
like an apothecary's mortar, and ten thousand lights
seemed to dance before his eyes. The curate, recol-
lecting himself during the respite he obtained from
this accident, and believing his aggressor to be some
thief who lurked in that place for prey, resolved to
make a running fight until he should arrive within
cry of his habitation. With this design he raised up
his cudgel for the defence of his head, and betaking
himself to his heels, began to roar for help with the
lungs of a^gtentor. Tunley, throwing away the flail,
which he durst no longer trust with the execution of
his revenge, pursued the fugitive with all the speed
he could exert; and the other, either unnerved by
fear or stumbling over a stone, was overtaken before
he had run a hundred paces. He no sooner felt the
wind of the publican's fist that whistled round his
216 THE ADVENTURES OF
ears, than he fell flat upon the earth at full length,
and the cudgel flew from his unclasping hand; when
Tunley, springing like a tiger upon his back, rained
such a shower of blows upon his carcass, that he
imagined himself under the discipline of ten pair of
fists at least ; yet the imaginary cuckold, not satisfied
with annoying the priest in this manner, laid hold
on one of his ears with his teeth, and bit so unmerci-
fully, that the curate was found almost entranced with
pain by two labourers, at whose approach the assailant
retreated unperceived.
The lieutenant had posted himself at the window,
in order to see the landlord at his first return; and
no sooner perceived him enter the yard than he
called him into the apartment, impatient to learn the
effects of their stratagem. Tunley obeyed the summons,
and appeared before his guests in all the violence of
rage, disorder, and fatigue; his nostrils were dilated
more than one-half beyond their natural capacity,
his eyes rolled, his teeth chattered, he snored in
breathing as if he had been oppressed by the night-
mare, and sti'eams of sweat flowed down each side
of his forehead.
Peregrine, affecting to start at the approach of such
an uncouth figure, asked if he had been wrestling with
a spirit ; upon which, he answered, with great vehe-
mence, ' Spirit! No, no, master; I have had a roll
* and tumble with the flesh. A dog ! I'll teach him
' to come a caterwauling about my doors.' Guessing
from this reply that his aim was accomplished, and
curious to know the particulars of the rencounter,
' Well then,' said the youth, ' I hope you have pre-
' vailed against the flesh, Tunley?' ' Yes, yes,'
answered the publican, ' I have cooled his capissens,
* as the saying is : I have played such a tune about
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 21 7
* his ears, that I'll be bound lie shan't long for music
' this month. A goatish ram- faced rascal ! Why, he's
' a perfect parish bull, as I hope to live.'
Hatchway, observing that he seemed to have made
a stout battle, desired he would sit down, and recover
wind ; and after he had swallowed a brace of bumpers,
his vanity prompted him to expatiate upon his own
exploit in such a manner, that the confederates, with-
out seeming to know the curate was his antagonist,
became acquainted with every circumstance of the
ambuscade.
Tunley had scarcely got the better of his agitation,
when his wife, entering the room, told them, by way
of news, that some waggish body had sent Mr. Sackbut
the curate to pray with her. This name inflamed
the husband's choler anew, and forgetting all his com-
plaisance for his spouse, he replied, with a rancorous
grin, ' Add rabbit him ! I doubt not but you found
' his admonitions deadly comfortable ! ' The landlady,
looking at her vassal with a sovereign aspect, ' What
' crotchets,' said she, ' have you got in your fool's
' head, I trow? I know no business you have to
^ sit here like a gentleman with your arms akimbo,
' when there's another company ii^ the house to be
' served.' The submissive husband took the hint, and
.^without further expostulation sneaked out of the room.
Next day it was reported that Mr. Sackbut had
been waylaid, and almost murdered by robbers, and
an advertisement was pasted upon the church-door,
offering a reward to any person that should discover
the assassin; but he reaped no satisfaction from this
expedient, and was confined to his chamber a whole
fortnight by the bruises he had received.
218 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER XXX.
Mr. Sackhut and Ms pupil conspire against Peregrine^
wlio^ being apprised of their design by his sister^ takes
measures for counterworking their scheme^ which is
executed by mistake upon Mr. Gauntlet. This young
soldier meets with a cordial reception from the com-
modore^ who generously decoys him into his own
int eres t.
When he considered the circumstances of the ambus-
cade, he could not persuade himself that he had been
assaulted by a common thief, because it was not to be
supposed that a robber would have amused himself
in pommelling rather than in rifling his prey; he
therefore ascribed his misfortune to the secret enmity
of some person who had a design upon his life ; and
upon mature deliberation, fixed his suspicion upon
Peregiine, who was the only man on earth from whom
he thought he deserved such treatment. He commu-
nicated his conjecture to his pupil, who readily adopted
his opinion, and advised him strenuously to revenge
the wrong by a like contrivance, without seeking to
make a narrower inquiry, lest his enemy should be
thereby put upon his guard.
This proposal being relished, they in concert re-
volved the means of retorting the ambush with interest,
and actually laid such a villanous plan for attacking
our hero in the dark, that had it been executed
according to their intention, the young gentleman's
scheme of travelling would have been effectually
marred. But their machinations were overheard by
Miss Pickle, who was now in the seventeenth year
PEREGRINE PICKLE. ^19
of her age, and in spite of the prejudice of education,
entertained in secret a ^ost sisterly affection for her
brother Periy, though she had never spoken to him,
and was deterred, by the precepts, vigilance, and
menaces of her mother, from attempting any means
of meeting him in private. She was not, however,
insensible to his praise, which was loudly sounded
forth in the neighbourhood, and never failed of going
to church and every other place where she thought
she might have an opportunity of seeing this amiable
brother. With these sentiments it cannot be supposed
that she would hear the conspiracy without emotion.
She was shocked at the treacherous barbarity of Gam,
and shuddered at the prospect of the danger to which
Peregrine would be exposed from their malice. She
durst not communicate this plot to her mother, because
she was afraid that lady's unaccountable aversion for
her firstborn would hinder her from interposing in
his behalf, and consequently render her a sort of ac-
complice in the guilt of his assassins. She therefore
resolved to warn Peregrine of the conspiracy, an accomit
of which she transmitted to him in an affectionate
letter by means of a young gentleman in that neigh-
bourhood who made his addresses to her at that time,
and who, at her request, offered his service to our
hero in defeating the projects of his adversaries.
Peregrine was startled when he read the particulars
of their scheme, which was no other than an intention
to sally upon him when he should be altogether un-
provided against such an attack, cut off his ears, and
otherwise mutilate him in such a manner that he
should have no cause to be vain of his person for
jthe future.
Incensed as he was against the brutal disposition of
his own father's son, he could not help being moved
220 THIl ADVENTURES OF
at the integiity and tenderness of his sister, of whose
inclinations towards him he had been hitherto kept in
ignorance. He thanked the gentleman for his honom--
able dealing, and expressed a desire of being better
acquainted with his virtues ; told him, that now he
was cautioned, he hoped there would be no necessity
for giving him any further trouble, and wrote by him
a letter of acknowledgment to his sister, for whom
he expressed the utmost love and regard, beseechmg
her to favom* him with an interview before his de-
parture, that he might indulge his fraternal fondness,
and be blessed with the company and countenance of
one at least belonging to his own family.
Having imparted this discovery to his friend Hatch-
way, they came to a resolution of countermining the
plan of their enemies. As they did not choose to
expose themselves to the insinuations of slander, which
would have exerted itself at their expense, had they,
even in defending themselves, employed any harsh
means of retaliation, they invented a method of dis-
appointing and dis g^«'''i j2g-_lih eir foes, and immediately
set Pipes at work to forward preparations.
Miss Pickle, having described the spot which the
Xassapinshad pitched upon for the scene of their ven-
geance, our triumvirate intended to have placed a
gentinel among the corn who should come and give
them intelligence when the a!iabllS.cade was laid, and
in consequence of that information, they would steal
softly towards the place, attended by three or four
of the domestics, and draw a large net over the con-
spirators, who, being entangled in the toil, should be
disarmed, fettered, heartily scourged, and suspended
between two trees in the snare, as a spectacle to all
passengers that should chance to travel that way.
The plan being thus digested, and the commodore
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 221
made acquainted with the whole affair, the <^p^^ was
sent upon duty, and everybody within doors prepared
to go forth upon the first notice. One whole evening
did they spend in the most impatient expectation, but
on the second the scout crept mto the garrison, and
assured them that he had perceived three men skulking
behind the hedge, on the road that led to the public-
house from which Peregrine and the lieutenant used
every night to return about that hour. Upon this
intelligence, the confederates set out immediately with
all their implements. Approaching the scene with as
little noise as possible, they heard the sound of blows ;
and though the night was dark, perceived a sort of
tumultuous conflict on the very spot which the con-
spirators had possessed. Surprised at this occurrence,
the meaning of which he could not comprehend. Pere-
grine ordered his myrmidons to halt and reconnoitre ;
and immediately his ears were saluted with an excla-
mation of ' You shan't 'scape me, rascal.' The voice
being quite familiar to him, he all at once divined the
cause of that confusion which they had observed ; and
running up to the assistance of the exclaimer, found a
fellow on his knees begging his life of Mr. Gauntlet,
who stood over him with a naked hanger in his hand.
Pickle instantly made himself known to his friend,
who told him that, having left his horse at Tunley's,
he was in his way to the garrison set upon by three
ruffians, one of whom being the very individual person
now in his power, had come behind him, and struck
with a bludgeon at his head, which, however, he
missed, and the instrument descended on his left
shoulder; that upon drawing his hanger, and laying
about him in the dark, the other two fled, leaving their
companion, whom he had disabled, in the lurch.
Peregrine congratulated him upon his safety, and
222 THE ADVENTURES OF
having ordered Pipes to secure the prisoner, conducted
Mr. Gauntlet to the garrison, where he met with a very
hearty reception from the commodore, to whom he
was introduced as his nephew's intimate friend; not
but that, in all likelihood, he would have abated some-
what of his hospitality had he known that he was the
brother of Perry's mistress; but her name the old
gentleman had never thought of asking when he
inquired into the particulars of his godson's amour.
The captive being examined, in presence of Trun-
nion and all his adherents, touching the ambuscade,
owned that, being in the service of Gam Pickle, he
had been prevailed upon, by the solicitations of his
master and the curate, to accompany them in their
expedition, and undertake the part which he had acted
against the stranger, whom he and his employers mis-
took for Peregrine. In consideration of this frank
acknowledgment, and a severe wound he had received
in his right arm, they resolved to inflict no other
punishment on this malefactor than to Retain him
all night in the garrison, and next morning carry
him before a justice of the peace, to whom he re-
peated all that he had said over-night, and with his
own hand subscribed his confession, copies of which
were handed about the neighbourhood, to the unspeak-
able confusion and disgrace of the curateandThis pro-
mising pupil.
Meanwhile, Trunnion treated the young soldier with
uncommon marks of respect, being prepossessed in his
favour by this adventure, which he had so gallantly
achieved, as well as by the encomiums that Peregrine
bestowed upon his valour and generosity. He liked
his countenance, which was bold and hardy, admired
y his Herculean limbs, and delighted in asking questions
concerning the service he had seen.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 223
The day after his arrival, while the conversation
turned on this last subject, the commodore, taking the
pipe out of his mouth, ' I'll tell you what, brother,'
said he, * five-and-forty years ago, when I was third
lieutenant of the Warwick man-of-war, there was a
very stout young fellow on board, a subaltern officer
of marines ; his name was not unlike your own, d'ye
see, being Guntlet, with a G. I remember he and I
could not abide one another at first, because, d'ye see,
I was a sailor and he a landsman, till we fell in with
a Frenchman, whom we engaged for eight glasses,
and at length boarded and took. I was the first man
that stood on the enemy's deck, and should have
come scurvily off, d'ye see, if Guntlet had not
jumped to my assistance; but we soon cleared ship
and drove them to close quarters, so that they were
obliged to strike ; and from that day Guntlet and
I were sworn brothers as long as he remained on
board. He was exchanged into a marching regi-
ment, and what became of him afterwards. Lord
in heaven knows ; but this I will say of him, whe-
ther he be dead or alive, he feared no man that
ever wore a head, and_WB§,_m^reoverj^a^ver^
messmate.,'
The stranger's breast glowed at this eulogium,
ivhich was no sooner pronounced than he eagerly
asked if the French ship* was not the Diligence 9
The commodore replied, with a stare, ' The very
same, my lad.' * Then,' said Gauntlet, ' the person
of whom you are pleased to make such honourable
mention was my own father.' ' The devil he was !'
cried Trunnion, shaking him by the hand, ' I am
' rejoiced to see a son of Ned Guntlet in my house.'
This discovery introduced a thousand questions, in
the course of which the old gentleman learnt the
224 THE ADVENTURES OF
situation of his friend's family, and discharged innu-
merable execrations upon the ingratitude and injustice
of the ministry^ which had failed to provide ?or the
son o f such ajbraye^ soldier. NorwasTiis friendship
confined to such ineffectual expressions ; he that same
evening signified to Peregrine a desire of doing some-
\ thing for his friend. This inclination was so much
• praised, encouraged, and promoted by his godson, and
■^even supported by his counsellor. Hatchway, that our
hero was empowered to present him with a sum of
money sufficient to purchase a commission.
Though nothing could be more agreeable to Pickle
than this permission, he was afraid that Godfrey's
scrupulous disposition would hinder him from sub-
jecting himself to any such obligation ; and therefore
proposed that he should be decoyed into his own
interest by a feigned story, in consequence of which
he would be prevailed upon to accept of the money,
as a debt which the commodore had contracted of his
father at sea. Trunnion made wry faces at this ex-
pedient, the necessity of which he could not conceive
without calling in question the common sense of
Gauntlet, as he took it for granted that such offers
as those were not to be rejected on any consideration
whatever. QBesides, he could not digest an artifice by
which he himself must own that he had lived so many
years without manifesting the least intention of doing
justice to his creditoi\j All these objections, however,
were removed by the zeal and rhetoric of Peregrine,
who represented that it would be impossible to be-
friend him on any other terms; that his silence hitherto
would be imputed to his want of information touching
the circumstances and condition of his friend ; and
that his remembering and insisting upon discharging
the obligation, after such an interval of time, when
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 225
the whole affau* was in oblivion, would be the greatest
compliment he could pay to his own honour and in-
tegrity.
Thus persuaded, he took an opportunity of Gaunt-
let being alone with him to broach the affair, telling
the young man that his father had advanced a sum of
money for him when they sailed together, on account
of the mess, as well as to stop the mouth of a clamor-
ous creditor at Portsmouth ; and that the said sum,
with interest, ammnited_to3bQu±-J3ur-hamdred
which he wQuld,now with greatjhankfalness repay.
Godfrey was amazed at this declaration, and after
a considerable pause, replied that he had never heard
his parents mention any such debt ; that no memo-
randum or voucher of it was found among his father's
papers ; and that in all probability it must have been
discharged long ago, although the commodore, in such
a long course of time and hurry of occupation, might
have forgotten the repayment ; he therefore desired to
be excused from accepting what, in his own con-
science, he believed was not his due, and compli-
mented the old gentleman upon his being so scrupu-
lously just and honourable.
The soldier's refusal, which was matter of astonish-
ment to Trunnion, increased his inclination to assist
him ; and on pretence of acquitting his own character,
he urged his beneficeilce with such obstinacy, that
Gauntlet, afraid of disobliging him, was in a manner
compelled to receive a draft for the money, for which
he subscribed an ample' discharge, and immediately
transmitted the order to his mother, whom at the same
time he informed of the chxumstances by which they
had so unexpectedly gained this accession of fortune.
Such a piece of news could not fail of being agree-
able to Mrs. Gauntlet, who by the first post wrote a
VOL. III. 15
226 THE ADVENTURES OF
polite letter of acknowledgment to the commodore,
another to her own son, importing that she had
already sent the draft to a friend in London, with
directions to deposit it in the hands of a certain banker
for the purchase of the first ensigncy to be sold ; and
she took the liberty of sending a third to Peregrine,
couched in very affectionate terms, with a kind post-
script signed by Miss Sophy and his charming Emily.
This affair being transacted to the satisfaction of
all concerned, preparations were set on foot for the
^T^parture of our hero, on whom his_uncle settled an
j annuity of eight hundred, ^unds, being little less than
loneIh|df_MlEilSiple_income. By this time, indeed,
the old gentleman could easily afford to alienate such
a part of his fortune, because he entertained little or no
company, kept few servants, was remarkably plain and
V frugal in his housekeeping ; Mrs. Trunnion, being now
"V ^Osome years on the wrong side of fifty, Jier infirmities
\v(*^ began to increase ; and though her pride had suffered
^^ no diminution, her vanity was altogether subdued by
her avarice.
A Swiss valet de chambre, who had already made
the tour of Europe, was hired for the care of Peregrine's
own person ; Pipes being ignorant of the French lan-
guage, as well as otherwise unfit for the office of a
fashionable attendant, it was resolved that he should
remain in the garrison ; and his place was immediately
supplied by a Parisian lackey engaged at London for
that purpose. Pipes did not seem to relish this
disposition of things ; and though he made no verbal
objections to it, looked remarkably sour at his suc-
cessor upon his first arrival ; but this sullen fit seemed
gradually to wear off, and long before his master's
departure, he had recovered his natural tranquillity
and unconcern.
k^a
^^''
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 227
CHAPTER XXXr.
The two young gentlemen display their talents for
gallantry^ in the course of which they are involved in
a ludicrous circumstance of distress^ and afterwards
take vengeance on the author of their mishap.
Meanwhile, our hero and his new Mend, together
with honest Jack Hatchway, made daily excursions
into the country, visited the gentlemen in the neigh-
bourhood, and frequently accompanied them to the
chase ; all three being exceedingly caressed on account
of their talents, which could accommodate themselves,
with great facility, to the tempers and turns of their
entertainers. The lieutenant was a droll in his way,
Peregrine possessed a great fund of sprightliness and
good-hiunour, and Godfrey, among his other qualifi-
cations already recited, sang a most excellent song ; so
that the company of this triumvirate was courted in
all parties, whether male or female ; and if the hearts
of our young gentlemen had not been pre-engaged,
they would have met with opportunities in abundance
of displaying their address in the art of love ; not but
that they gave loose to their gallantry without much
interesting their affections, and amused themselves
with little intng i]p,s^ which, in the opinion of a man , u'^
of pleasure, do not affect his fidelity to the acknow-'^i/t^^^ n
% ledged_s^lX£relgn of his soul. '^g.<i'
In the midst of these amusements, our hero received
an intimation from his sister, that she should be over-
joyed to meet him next day, at five o'clock in the
afternoon, at the house of her nurse, who lived in a
15—2
228 THE ADVENTURES OF
cottage hard by her father's habitation, she being
debarred from all opportunity of seeing him in any
other place by the severity of her mother, who sus-
pected her inclination.
He accordingly obeyed the summons, and went at
the time appointed to the place of rendezvous, where
he met this affectionate young lady, who, when he
entered the room, ran towards him with all the
eagerness of transport, flung her arms about his neck,
and shed a flood of tears in his bosom before she could
utter one word, except a repetition of ' My dear, dear
'- brother ! ' He embraced her with all the piety of
fraternal tenderness, wept over her in his turn, assm*ed
. her that this was one of the happiest moments of his
j^«? life, and kindly thanked her for having resisted the
J- example and disobeyed the injunctions of his mother's
unnatural aversion.
He was ravished to find, by her conversation, that /
she possessed a great share of sensibility and prudent ^
reflection ; for she lamented the infatuation of her
parents with the most filial regret, and expressed such
abhorrence and concern at the villanous disposition of
her younger brother as a humane sister may be
supposed to have entertained. He made her ac-
quainted with all the circumstances of his own fortune ;
and as he supposed she spent her time very dis-
agreeably at home, among characters which must be
shockingly interesting, professed a desire of removing
her into some other sphgi-e, where she could live with
more tranquillity and satisfaction.
She objected to this proposal as an expedient that
would infallibly subject her to the implacable resent-
ment of her mother, whose favour and affection she
at present enjoyed, but in a very inconsiderable degree ;
and they had canvassed divers schemes of correspond-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 229
ing for the future, when the voice of Mrs. Pickle was
heard at the door.
Miss July (that was the young lady's name), finding
herself betrayed, was seized with a violent agitation
of fear ; and Peregrine scarcely had time to encourage
her with a promise of protection before the door of
the apartment being flung open, this irreconcilable
parent rushed in, and, with a furious aspect, flew
directly at her trembling daughter, when the son in-
terposing received the first discharge of her fury.
Her eyes gleamed with all the rage of indignation,
which choked up her utterance, and seemed to con-
vulse her whole fi'ame; she twisted her left hand in
his hair, and with the other buffetted him about the
face till the blood gushed from his nostrils and mouth,
while he defended his sister from the cruelty of Gam,
who assaulted her from another quarter seeing his
brother engaged. This attack lasted several minutes
with great violence, till at length Peregrine, finding
himself in danger of being overpowered if he should
remain any longer on the defensive, laid his brother
on his back; then he disentangled his mother's hand
from his own hair, and having pushed her gently out
of the room, bolted the door on the inside; finally,
tmiiing_to^ Gam, he threw him out at the window ,
amonga_parcel_of hogs that fed under it. By this \
time Julia was almost quite distracted with terror ; she
knew she had offended beyond all hope of forgive-
ness, and from that moment considered herself as an
exile from her father's house ; in vain did her brother
strive to console her with fresh protestations of love
and protection, she counted herself exti'emely miserable
in being obliged to endure the eternal resentment of a
parent with whom she had hitherto lived, and dreaded
the censure of the world, which, from her mother's
230 THE ADVENTURES OF
misrepresentation, she was sensible would condemn
her unheard. That she might not, however, neglect
any means in her power of averting this storm, she
resolved to appease, if possible, her mother's wrath
with humiliation, and even appeal to the influence of
zX- her father, weak as it was, before she would despair
I of being forgiven. But the good lady spared her this
unnecessary application, by telling her through the
keyhole that she must never expect to come within
her father's door again, for from that hour she re-
nounced her as unworthy of her affection and regard.
Julia, weeping bitterly, endeavoured to soften the
rigour of this sentence by the most submissive and
reasonable remonstrances ; but, as in her vindication
she of necessity espoused her elder brother's cause,
her endeavours, instead of soothing, served only to
exasperate her mother to a higher pitch of indigna-
tion, which discharged itself in invectives against
Peregrine, whom she reviled with the epithets of a
worthless, abandoned reprobate.
The youth, hearing these unjust aspersions, trembled
with resentment through every limb, assuring the up-
braider that he considered her as an object of com-
passion, ' for without all doubt,' said he, ' your dia-
' bolical rancour must be severely punished by the
* thorns of your own conscience, which this very in-
' stant taxes you with the malice and the falsehood of
' your reproaches. As for my sister, I bless God that
' you have not been able to infect her with your un-
^ natural prejudice, which, because she is too just, too
^ virtuous, too humane, to imbibe, you reject her as an
i ' alien to your blood, and turn her out unprovided into
' ' a j^^teous world. But even there your vicious
*' purpose shall be defeated ; that same providence
* that screened me from the cruelty of your hate shall
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 231
' extend its protection to her until I shall find it con-
' venient to assert by law that right of maintenance
* which nature it seems hath bestowed upon us in
' vain. In the meantime, you will enjoy the satis-
' faction of paying an undivided attention to that
' darling son, whose amiable qualities have so long
* engaged and engrossed your love and esteem.'
This freedom of expostulation exalted his mother's
ire to mere frenzy ; she cursed him with the bitterest
imprecations, ^^ raved_l ike a bedlamite at the doo_r^
which she attempted to burst open. Her efforts were
seconded by her favourite son, who denounced venge-
ance against Peregrine, made- furious assaults against
the lock, which resisted air their applications, until our
hero, espying his friends Gauntlet and Pipes stepping
over a stile that stood about a furlong from the
window, called them to his assistance; giving them
to understand how he was besieged, he desired they^
would keep off his mother, that he might the more
easily secure his sister Julia's retreat. The young
soldier entered accordingly, and posting himself be-
tween Mrs. Pickle and the door, gave the signal to
his friend, who, lifting up his sister in his arms, carried
her safe without the clutches of this ^she-dragoa^while y^
Pipes with his cudgel kept young master at bay.
The mother, being thus deprived of her prey, sprang
upon Gauntlet like a lioness robbed of her whelps,
and he must have suffered sorely in the flesh had he /\r^j^
not prevented her mischievous intent by seizing both A 0,
wrists, and so keeping her at a due distance. In ^c
attempting to disengage herself from his grasp, she
struggled with such exertion, and suffered such agony
of passion at the same time, that she actually fell into
a severe^, during which she was put to bed, and the
confederates retired without further molestation.
^
232 THE ADVENTURES OF
In tlie meantime Peregrine was not a little perplexed
about tlie disposal of his sister whom he had rescued.
He could not endure the thoughts of saddling the
commodore with a new expense ; and he was afraid
of undertaking the charge of Julia without his bene-
factor's advice and direction. For the present, how-
ever, he carried her to the house of a gentleman in
the neighbourhood, whose lady was her godmother,
where she was received with great tenderness and
condolence ; and he purposed to mquire for some cre-
ditable house, where she might be genteelly boarded
in his absence, resolving to maintain her from the
savings of his own allowance, which he thought might
very well bear such deduction. But this intention
was frustrated by the publication of the whole affair,
which was divulged next day, and soon reached the
ears of Trunnion, who chid his godson for having con-
cealed the adventure ; and with the approbation of his
wife, ordered him to bring Julia forthwith to the
garrison. The young gentleman, with tears of grati-
tude in his eyes, explained his design of maintaining
her at his own expense, and earnestly begged that he
might not be deprived of that satisfaction. But his
uncle was deaf to all his entreaties, and insisted upon
her living in the garrison, though for no other reason
than that of being company to her aunt, who, he ob-
\ served, was lost for want of conversation.
icv.' Julia was accordingly brought home and settled
under the tuition of Mi's. Trunnion, who, whatever
\fr face she might put on the matter, could have dispensed
'V' with the society of her niece; though she was not
^ without hope of gratifying her pique to Mrs. Pickle
V by the intelligence she would receive from the daughter
of that lady's economy and domestic behaviour. The
mother herself seemed conscious of this advantage
A
PEREGMNE PICKLE. 233
which her sister-in-law had now gained over her,
being as much chagrined at the news of JuHa's re-
ception in the garrison as if she had heard of her own
husband's death. She even tortured her invention to
propagate calumnies against the reputation of her own
daughter, whom she slandered in all companies ; she
exclaimed against the commodore as an old ruffian,
who spirited up_a rebellion ^among her children, and
imputed the hospitality of his wife, in countenancing
them, to nothing else but her inveterate enmity to their
mother, whom they had disobliged. She now insisted,
in the most peremptory terms, upon her husband's
renouncing all commerce with^he old lad of the castle
and his adherents ; and Mr. Gamaliel, having by this
time contracted other friendships, readily submitted
to her will, nay, even refused to communicate with
the commodore one night when. th^y happened to meet
by-accident at the public-house.
CHAPTER XXXII.
The commodore sends a gJiaMetige to Gamaliel^ and is
imposed upon hy a loaggish invention of the lieu-
tenant^ Peregrine^ and Gauntlet*
This affront Trunnion could by no means digest ; he
advised with the lieutenant upon the subject ; and the
result of their consultation was a defiance which the
old commander sent to Pickle, demanding that he
would meet him at such a place on horseback with
a brace of pistols, and give satisfaction for the slight
he had put upon him.
234 THE ADVENTURES OF
Nothing could have afforded more pleasure to Jack
than the acceptance of this challenge, which he de-
livered verbally to Mr. Gamaliel, who was called out
from the club at Tunley's for that purpose. The
nature of this message had an instantaneous effect
upon the constitution of the pacific Pickle, whose
bowels yearned with apprehension, and underwent
such violent agitation on the spot, that one would have
thought the operation proceeded from some severe
joke of the apothecary which he had swallowed in his
beer.
The messenger, despairing of a satisfactory answer,
left him in this woeful condition; and being loth to
lose any opportunity of raising the laugh against the
commodore, went immediately and communicated the
whole affair to the young gentlemen, enti'eating them,
for the love of God, to concert some means of bringing
)^ old Hannibal into the field. The two friends relished
the proposal, and after some deliberation it was
resolved that Hatchway should tell Trunnion his in-
vitation was accepted by Gamaliel, who would meet
him at the place appointed, with his second, to-morrow
in the twilight, because, if either should fall, the other
would have the better chance for escaping in the dark ;
that Godfrey should personate old Pickle's friend, and
Peregrine represent his own father, while the lieu-
tenant should take care in loading the pistols to keep
out the shot, so that no damage might be done in the
rencounter.
These circumstances being adjusted, the lieutenant
returned to his principal with a most thundering reply
from his antagonist, whose courageous behaviour,
though it could not intimidate did not fail to astonish
the commodore, who ascribed it to the spirit of his
wife, which had inspired him. Trunnion that instant
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 235
desired his counsellor to prepare his cartridge-box, and
order the quietest horse in the stable to be kept ready
saddled for the occasion; his eye seemed to lighten
with alacrity and pleasure at the prospect of smelling
gunpowder once more before his death ; and when
Jack advised him to make his will, in case of accident,
he^ rejected his counsel with disdain, saying, ' What !
' dost think that Hawser Trunnion, who has stood the
' fire of so many floating batteries, runs any risk from
' the lousy pops of a landman ? Thou shalt see, thou
' shalt see, how I'll make him lower his topsails.'
Next day Peregi'ine and the soldier provided them-
selves with horses at the public-house, whence, at the
destined hour, they rode tojbhe field of battle, each of )<
them being mufEed in a gi-eat coat, which, with the
dimness of the night, effectually shielded them from
the knowledge of the one-eyed commander, who
having taken horse, on pretence of enjoying the fresh
air, soon appeared with Hatchway in his rear. When
they came within sight of each other, the seconds
advanced in order to divide the ground, and regulate
the measures of the combat ; when it was determined,
by mutual consent, that two pistols should be dis-
charged on each side, and that if neither should prove
decisive, recourse must be had to the broad-swords,
in order to ascertain the victory. These articles being
settled, the opponents rode forward to their respective
stations, when Peregrine, cocking his pistol, and pre- I \
senting, ^ount^feited ^is father'sjyoic^ ApVU *
nion take care of his remaining eye. The commodore ^
took his advice, being unwilling to hazard his day-
light, and very deliberately opposed the patched side
of his face to the muzzle of his antagonist's piece,
desiring him to do his duty without further jaw. The
young man accordingly fired, and the distance being
2S6 THE ADVENTURES OF
small, tlie wad of his pistol took place with a smart
stroke on the forehead of Trunnion, who mistaking it
for a ball, which he thought was lodged in his brain,
spurred up his steed in a state of desperation towards
his antagonist, and holding his piece within two yards
of his body, let it off without any regard to the laws of
battle. Surprised and enraged to see it had made no
impression, he hallooed, in a terrible tone, ' 0, d — ye,
' you have got your netting stuffed, I see ; ' and ad-
vancing, discharged his second pistol so near his god-
son's head, that had he not been defended by his great
coat, the powder must have scorched his face. Having
thus thrown away his fire, he remained at the mercy of
Peregrine, who clapping the piece he had in reserve to
his head, commanded him to beg his life and ask
pardon for his presumption. The commodore made
no reply to this imperious injunction, but dropping
his pistol and unsheathing his broad-sword in an
instant, attacked our hero with such incredible agility,
that if he had not made a shift to ward off the stroke
with his piece, the adventure in all likelihood would
have turned out a very tragical joke. Peregrine,
finding it would be in vain for him to think of draw-
ing his weapon, or of standing on the defensive against
his furious aggressor, very fairly clapt spm's to his
nag and sought his safety in flight. Trunnion pur-
sued him with infinite eagerness, and his steed being
the better of the two, would have overtaken the fugi-
tive to his peril, had he not been unfortunately en-
countered by the boughs of a tree that happened to
stand on his blind side, and incommoded him so much,
that he was fain to quit his sword and lay hold on the
mane, in order to maintain his seat. Perry, perceiving
his disaster, wheeled about, and now finding leism-e
to produce his weapon, returned upon his disarmed
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 237
foe, brandishing his ferrara, threatening to make him
shorter by the head if he would not immediately crave
quarter and yield. There was nothing farther from
the intention of iho. old gentleman than such submis-
sion, which he flatly refused to pay, alleging that he
had already compelled his enemy to clap on all his
sails, and that his own present misfortune was owing
to accident, all one as if a ship should be attacked
after she had been obliged to heave her guns over-
board in a storm.
Before Peregrine had time to answer this remon-
strance the lieutenant interposed, and taking cogni-
zance of the case, established a truce until he and the
other second should discuss and decide upon the merits
of the cause. They accordingly retired to a small
distance, and after having conferred a few minutes.
Hatchway returned and pronounced the commodore
vanquished by the chance of war.
Never was rage more transported than that which
took possession of old H annibal when he heard the-;)<^
sentence; it was some time before he could utter
aught, except the reproachful expression. You lie!
which he repeated more than twenty times, in a sort
of delirious insensibility. When he recovered the
further use of his speech, he abused the arbiti'ators
with such bitter invectives, renouncing then' sentence,
and appealing to another trial, that the confederates
began to repent of having carried the joke so far ; and
Peregrine, in order to appease his choler, owned him-
self overcome.
This acknowledgment calmed the tumult of his
wrath, though he could not for some days forgive the
lieutenant; and the two young gentlemen rode back
to Tunley's, while Hatchway, taking the commodore's
horse by the bridle, reconducted him to his mansion,
238 THE ADVENTURES OF
growling all the way to Jack for his unjust and un-
friendly decree; though he could not help observing,
as how he had made his words good, in making his
adversary strike his topsails. ' And yet,' said he,
' before God ! I think the fellow's head is made of a
' woolpack ; for my shot rebounded from his face like
' a wad of spun-yarn from the walls of a ship. But
' if so be that son of a bitch of a tree hadn't come
' athwart my weather-bow, d'ye see, I'll be d — if
' I hadn't snapt his mainyard in the slings, and
' mayhap let out his bulge-water into the bargain.'
He seemed particularly vain of this exploit, which
dwelt upon his imagination, and was cherished as the
child of his old age; for though he could not with
decency rehearse it to the young men and his wife
, at supper, he gave shrewd hints of his own manhood
kjeven at these years, and attested Hatchway as a
^ voucher for his mettle ; while the triumvirate, diverted
^ by his vanity, enjoyed in secret the success of their
^ I imposition.
CHAPTER XXXni.
Peregrine takes leave of Ms aunt and sister^ sets out
from the garrison^ parts with Ms uncle and Hatchway
on the road^ and^ with his governor^ arrives in safety at
Dover.
This, however, was the last effort of invention which
they practised upon him; and everything being now
prepared for the departure of his godson, that hopeful
youth in two days took leave of all his friends in the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 239
neighbourhood. He was closeted two whole hours
with his aunt, who enriched him with many pious
advices, recapitulated all the benefits which, through
her means, had been conferred upon him since his
infancy, cautioned him against the temptations of lewd
women, who bring many a man to a morsel of bread ;
laid strict injunctions upon him to live in the fear of
the Lord and the true Protestant faith, to eschew
quarrels and contention, to treat Mr. Jolter with re-
verence and regard, and above all things, to abstain
from the beastly sin of drunkenness, which exposed
a man to the scorn and contempt of his fellow-creatures,
and by divesting him of reason and reflection, renders
him fit for all manner of vice and debauchery. She
recommended to him economy and the care of his
health, bade him remember the honour of his family,
and in all the circumstances of his behaviour assured
him, that he might always depend upon the fi'iendship
and generosity of the commodore. Finally, present-
ing him with her picture set in gold, and a hundred
guineas from her privy purse, she embraced him
affectionately, and wished him all manner of happi-
ness and prosperity.
Being thus kindly dismissed by Mrs. Trunnion, he
locked himself up with his sister Julia, whom he
admonished to cultivate the friendship of her aunt with
most respectful attention, without stooping to any cir-
cumstance- of submission that she should judge un-
worthy of her practice; he protested that his chief
study should be to make her amends for the privilege (\ .^^
she had forfeited by her affection for him ; entreatedl "yx \ jj^
her_Jo__eiiter„ in ta no engagement without his know-L.a»^
l£dgfi_and,^pprobation ; put into her hand the purse*
which he had received from his aunt, to defray her
pocket expenses in his absence, and parted from her,
240 THE ADVENTURES OF
not without tears, after she had for some minutes
hung about his neck, kissing him, and weeping in
the most pathetic silence.
Having performed these duties of affection and con-
sanguinity over-night, he went to bed, and was by his
own direction called at four o'clock in the morning,
when he found the post-chaise, coach, and riding-
horses ready at the gate, his friends Gauntlet and
Hatchway on foot, the commodore himself almost
dressed, and every servant in the garrison assembled
in the yard, to wish him a good journey. Our hero
shook each of these humble Mends by the hand,
tipping them at the same time some marks of his
bounty; and was very much surprised when he could
not perceive his old attendant Pipes among the
number. When he expressed his wonder at this dis-
respectful omission of Tom, some of those present ran
to his chamber in order to give him a call, but his
hammock and room were both deserted, and they soon
returned with an account of his having eloped. Pere-
grine was disturbed at this information, believing that
the fellow had taken some desperate course in con-
sequence of his being dismissed from his service, and
began to wish that he had indulged his inclmation by
retaining him still about his person. However, as
there was now no other remedy, he recommended him
strenuously to the particular favour and distinction of
his uncle and Hatchway, in case he should appear
again; and as he went out of the gate was saluted
with three cheers by all the domestics in the family.
The commodore, Gauntlet, lieutenant, Peregrine, and
Jolter, went into the coach together that they might
enjoy each other's converktion as much as possible,^
resolving to breakfast at an inn upon the road, where
Trunnion and Hatchway intended to bid our ad-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 241
venturer farewell; the valet-de-chambre got into the
post-chaise, the French lackey rode one horse, and
led another, one of the valets of the garrison mounted
at the back of the coach ; and thus the cavalcade set
out on the road to Dover. As the commodore could
not bear the fatigue of jolting, they travelled at an
easy pace during the first stage ; so that the old gentle-
man had an opportunity of communicating his ex-
hortations to his godson, with regard to his conduct
abroad ; he advised him, now that he was going into
foreign parts, to be upon his guard against the fair
weather of the French j^oh'tesse^ which was no more to
be trusted than a whirlpool at sea. He observed, that
many young men had gone to Paris with good cargoes
of sense, and returned with a great deal of canvas, and
no ballast at all, whereby they became crank all the
days of their lives, and sometimes carried their keels
above water. He desired Mr. Jolter to keep his pupil
out of the clutches of those sharking priests who lie in
wait to make converts of all young strangers, and in a
particular manner cautioned the youth against carnal
conversation with the Parisian dames, who, he under-
stood, were no better than gaudy fir e-ships ready priine d
with death and destruction.
Peregrine listened with great respect, thanking him
for his kind admonitions, which he faithfully promised
to observe. They halted and breakfasted at the end
of the stage, where Jolter provided himself with a
horse, and the commodore settled the method of cor-
responding with his nephew. The minute of parting
being arrived, the old commander wrung his godson
by the hand, saying, * I wish thee a prosperous voyage
^' and good cheer, my lad ; my timbers are now a little
' crazy, d'ye see ; and God knows if I shall keep afloat
' till such time as I see thee again ; but, howsomever,
VOL. III. 16
242 THE ADVENTURES OF
' hap what will, thou wilt find thyself in a condition
' to keep in the line with the best of thy fellows.' He
then reminded Gauntlet of his promise to call at the
garrison in his return from Dover, and imparted some-
thing in a whisper to the governor while Jack Hatch-
way, unable to speak, pulled his hat over his eyes, and
squeezing Peregrine by the hand, gave him an iron-
pistol of curious workmanship as a memorial of his
friendship. Our youth, who was not unmoved on this
occasion, received the pledge, which he acknowledged
with the present of a silver tobacco-box, bought for
that purpose; and the two lads of the castle getting
into the coach, were driven homewards in a state of
silent dejection.
Godfi-ey and Peregrine seated themselves in the
post-chaise, and Jolter, the valet-de-chambre and
lackey, bestriding their beasts, proceeded for the
place of their destination, at which they arrived in
safety that same night, and bespoke a passage in the
packet-boat which was to sail next day.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
He adjusts the method of his correspondence with Gaunt-
let ; meetSj hy accident^ with an Italian charlatan^ and
a certain apothecary^ wlio proves to he a noted character.
Theee the two friends adjusted the articles of their
future correspondence, and Peregrine having written
a letter to his mistress, wherein he renewed his former
vows of eternalfidelity, it was intrusted to the care of
her brother, while Mr. Jolter, at the desire of his pupil,
PEBEGBINE PICKLE. 243
provided an elegant supper and some excellent Bur-
gundy, tliat they might spend this eve of his departure
with the greater enjoyment.
Things being thus disposed, and a servant employed
in laying the cloth, their ears were on a sudden in-
vaded by a strange tumultuous noise in the next room,
occasioned by the overthrow of tables, chairs, and
glasses, with odd unintelligible exclamations in broken
French and a jargon of threats in the Welsh dialect.
Our young gentleman ran immediately into the apart-
ment whence this clamour seemed to proceed, and
found a thin, meagre, swarthy figure gasping in all the
agony of fear, under the hands of a squat, thick, hard-
featured man, who collared him with great demon-
strations of wrath, saying, ' If you were as mighty a
' magician as Owen Glendower, or the Witch of Entor,
' look you, ay, or as Paul Beor himself, I will meke
' pold, by the assistance of Got, and in his Majesty's
' naam, to seize and secure, and confine and confront
' you, until such time as you suffer and endure and
' undergo the pains and penalties of the law for your
' diabolical practices. Shentlements,' added he, turn-
ing to our adventurers, ' I take you to witness that I
' protest and assert and avow that this person is as joig
' a necromancer as you would desire to behold ; anH~
' T supplicate and beseech and intreat of you, that he
' may be prought pefore his petters, and compelled to
' give an account of his compact and commerce with
' the imps of darkness, look you ; for, as I am a Chris-
' tian soul, and hope for joyful resurrection, I have this
' plessed evening seen . him perform such things as
' could not be done without the aid and instruction
* and connivance of the tevil.'
Gauntlet seemed to enter into the sentiments of this
Welsh reformer, and actually laid hold on the delin-
10— 2
244 THE ADVENTURES OF
quent's shoulder, crying, ' D — the rascal ! I'll lay any
' wager that he's a Jesuit ; for none of his order travels
' without a familiar.' But Peregrine, who looked upon
the affair in another point of view, interposed in behalf
of the stranger, whom he freed from his aggressors,
observing that there was no occasion to use violence,
and asked in !^rench what he had done to incur the
censure of the informer. The poor foreigner, more
dead than alive, answered that he was an 'Italian char-
latan, who had practised with some reputation in
Padua, until he had the misfortune to attract the
notice of the Inquisition, by exhibiting certain won-
derful performances by his skill in natural knowledge, \
which that tribunal considered as the effects of sorcery,
and persecuted him accordingly ; so that he had been
fain to make a precipitate retreat into France, where,
not finding his account in his talents, he was now
arrived in England, with a view of practising his art
in London, and that, in consequence of a specimen
which he had given to a company below, the choleric
gentleman had followed him upstairs to his own apart-
ment, and assaulted him in that inhospitable manner.
He therefore earnestly begged that our hero would
take him under his protection ; and if he entertained
the least suspicion of his employing preternatural
means in the operations of his art, he would freely
communicate all the secrets in his possession.
The youth dispelled his apprehension, by assuring
him that he was in no danger of suffering for his art
in England, where, if ever he should be questioned
by the zeal of superstitious individuals, he had nothing
to do but appeal to the next justice of the peace, who
would immediately acquit him of the charge, and
punish his accusers for their impertinence and in-
discretion.
* PEREGRINE PICKLE. 245
He then told Gauntlet and the Welshman that the
stranger had a good action agamst them for an assault,
by virtue of an Act of Parliament, which makes it
criminal for any person to accuse another of sorcery
and witchcraft, these idle notions being now justly
exploded by all sensible men. Mr. Jolter, who had \
by this time joined the company, could not help sig-
nifying his dissent from this opinion of his pupil,
which he endeavoured to invalidate by the authority
of Scripture, quotations from the fathers, and the con-
fession of many wretches who suffered death for having
carried on correspondence with evil spirits, together
with the evidence of ' Satan's Invisible World,' and i
' Moreton's History of Witchcraft.' '^
The soldier corroborated these testimonies by facts
that had happened within the sphere of his own know-
ledge, and, in particular, mentioned the case of an old
woman of the parish in which he was born, who used
to transform herself into the shapes of sundry animals,
and was at last killed by small shot in the character of
a hare. The Welshman, thus supported, expressed
his surprise at hearing that the legislature had shown
such tenderness for criminals of so dark a hue, and
offered to prove, by undeniable instances, that there
was not a mountain in Wales which had not been, in
his memory, the scene of necromancy and witchcraft.
' Wherefore,' said he, ' I am assuredly more than apove
* astonished and confounded and concerned, that the
' Parliament of Great Pritain should in their great
' wisdoms, and their prudence, and their penetration,
' give countenance and encouragement, look you, to
^ the works of darkness and the empire of Pelzepup ; ofer
' and apove the evidence of holy writ, and those writers
' who have been quoted by that aggurate and learned
* shentleman, we are informed by profane history of the
246 THE ADVENTURES OF
' pribbles and pranks of the old serpent, in tlie bortents
' and oragles of antiquity ; as you will find in that most
' excellent historian Bolypius, and Titus Lisius ; ay, and
* moreofer, in the commentaries of Julius Csesar himself,
' who, as the ole world knows, was a most famous, and
' a most faliant, and a most wise, and a most prudent,
' and a most fortunate chieftan, and a most renowned
-^ orator ; ay, and a most elegant writer to boot.'
Peregrine did not think proper to enter the lists
of dispute with three such obstinate antagonists ; but
contented himself with saying, that he believed it
would be no difficult matter to impugn the arguments
they had advanced ; though he did not find himself at
all disposed to undertake the task, which must of
course break in upon the evening's entertainment.
He, therefore, invited the Italian to supper, and asked
the same favour of his accuser, who seemed to have
something curious and characteristic in his manner
and disposition, resolving to make himself an eye-
witness of those surprising feats which had given
offence to the choleric Briton. This scrupulous gentle-
,man thanked our hero for his courtesy, but declined
communicating with the' stranger, until his character
should be further explained ; upon which his inviter,
after some conversation with the charlatan, assured
him, that he would himself undertake for the innocence
of his art; and then he was prevailed upon to favour
them with his company.
In the course of the conversation, Peregrine learnt
that the Welshman was a surgeon of Canterbury,
who had been called into a consultation at Dover,
and understanding that his name was Morgan, took
.the liberty of asking if he was not the person so re-
spectfully mentioned in the ' Adventures of Eoderick
' Eandom.' Mr. Morgan assumed a look of gravity
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 247
and importance at this interrogation, and screwing
up his mouth, answered, ' Mr. Eanturn, my goot sir,
' I believe upon my conscience and salfation, is my
' very good frient and well-wisher ; and he and I
' have been companions, and messmates, and fellow-
' sufferers, look you; but nevertheless for all that,
' peradventure, he had not pehaved with so much
' complaisance and affability and respect as I might
' have expected from him ; pecause he hath revealed
' and tivulged and buplished our private affairs, with-
' out my knowledge and privity and consent ; but, as
* Got is my Safiour, I think he had no evil entention
' in his pelly ; and though there be certain persons,
' look you, who, as I am told, take upon them to laugh
' at his descriptions of my person, deportment, and
^ conversation, I do affirm and maintain, and insist
' with my heart, and my plood, and my soul, that
' those persons are no petter than ignorant asses, and
^ that they know not how to discern and distinguish
i.and define true ridicule; or, as Aristotle calls it, the
* to Geloion^ no more, look you, than a herd of mountain-
' goats ; for, I will make pold to observe, and I hope
* this goot company will be of the same opinion, that
' there is nothing said of me in that performance which
' is unworthy of a Christian and a shentleman/
Our young gentleman and his friends acquiesced
in the justness of his observation. Peregrine parti-
cularly assured him, that from reading the book, he
had conceived the utmost regard and veneration for
his character; and that he thought himself extremely
fortunate in having this oppoi'tunity of enjoying his
conversation. Morgan, not a little proud of such ad-
vances from a person of Peregrine's appearance, re-
turned the compliment with a profusion of civility,
and, in the warmth of acknowledgment, expressed a
248 THE ADVENTURES OP
desire of seeing him and his company at his house in
Canterbury. ' I will not pretend or presume, kind
* sir,' said he, ' to entertain you according to your
' merits and deserts, but you shall be as welcome to
' my poor cottage, and my wife and family, as the
' Prince of Wales himself; and it shall go hard if,
* one way or other, I do not find ways and means of
" making you confess that there is some goot-fellow-
' ship in an ancient Priton ; for, though I am no petter
' than a simple apothecary, I have as good plood
' circulating in my veins as any he in the county ;
' and I can describe and delineate and demonstrate
' my pedigree to the satisfaction of the 'ole 'orld ; and
' moreover, by Got's goot providence and assistance,
' I can afford to treat my friend with a joint of goot
' mutton and a pottle of excellent wine, and no trades-
' man can peard me with a bill.' He was congratu-
lated on his happy situation, and assured that our youth
would visit him on his return from France, provided
he should take Canterbury in his route. As Peregrine
manifested an inclination of being acquainted with
the state of his affairs, he very complaisantly satisfied
his curiosity by giving him to know that his spouse
had left off breeding after having blessed him with
two boys and a girl, who were still alive and well ;
that he lived in good esteem with his neighbours, and
by his practice, which considerably extended immedi-
ately after the publication of ' Koderick Eandom,' had
saved some thousand pounds. He had begun to think
of retiring among his own relations in Glamorganshire,
though his wife had made objections to this proposal,
and opposed the execution of it with such obstinacy,
that he had been at infinite pains in asserting his own
prerogative, by convincing her, both from reason and
example, t hat he was king and priest in his own
PEBEGRINE PICKLE. ^49
family^ a nd that sh e owed the most implicit submis-
s ion to his w ill. He likewise informed the company
that he had lately seen his friend Eoderick, who had
come from London on .purpose to visit him, after
having gained his lawsuit with Mr. Topehall, who
was obliged to pay Narcissa's fortune ; that Mr. Ran-
dom, in all appearance, led a very happy life in the
conversation of his father and bed-fellow, by whom
he enjoyed a son and daughter ; and that Morgan
had received, in a present from him, a piece of very
fine linen of his wife's own making, several kits of
salmon, and two casks offpickled^pork, the most deli-
cate he had ever tasted ; ^together with a barrel of
excellent herrings for salmagundy, which he knew to
be his favourite dish.
This topic of conversation being discussed, the Italian
was desired to exhibit a specimen of his art, and in a
few minutes conducted the company into the next
room, where, to their great astonishment and affright,
they beheld a thousand serpents winding along the
ceiling. Morgan, struck with this phenomenon, which
he had not seen before, began to utter exorcisms with
great devotion, Mr. Jolter ran terrified out of the
room. Gauntlet drew his hanger, and Peregrine him-
self was disconcerted. The operator perceiving their
confusion, desired them to retire, and calling them
back in an instant, there was not a viper to be seen.
He raised their admiration by sundry other perform-
ances, and the Welshman's former opinion and ab-
horrence of his character began to recur, when, in
consideration of the civility with which he had been
treated, this Italian imparted to them all the methods
by which he had acted such wonders, that were no
other than the effects of natural causes curiously com-
bined 5 so that Morgan became a convert to his skill,
250 THE ADVENTURES OF
asked pardon for tlie suspicion he had entertained,
and invited the stranger to pass a few days with him
at Canterbury. The scruples of Godfrey and Jolter
were removed at the same time, and Peregrine testi-
fied his satisfaction by a handsome gratuity which he
bestowed upon their entertainer.
The evening being spent in this social manner, every
man retired to his respective chamber, and next morning
they breakfasted together, when Morgan declared he
would stay till he should see our hero fairly embarked,
that he might have the pleasure of Mr. Gauntlet's
company to his own habitation; meanwhile, by the
skipper's advice, the servants were ordered to carry
a store of wine and provision on board in case of
accident ; and as the packet-boat could not sail before
one o'clock, the company walked up hill to visit the
castle, where they saw the sword of Julius Caesar and
Queen Elizabeth's pocket-pistol, repeated Shakspeare's
description while they surveyed the chalky cliffs on
each side, and cast their eyes towards the city of
Calais, that was obscured by a thick cloud, which did
not much regale their eyesight, because it seemed to
portend foul weather. ,
Having viewed everything remarkable in this place,
they returned to the pier, where, after the compliments
of parting, and an affectionate embrace between the
two young gentlemen. Peregrine and his governor
stepped aboard, the sails were hoisted, • and they went
to sea with a fair wind ; while Godfrey, Morgan, and
the conjuror walked back to the inn, whence they
set out for Canterbury before dinner.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 251
CHAPTER XXXV.
He emharhs for France; is overtaken hy a storm; is sur-
prised with the appeara7ice of Pipes ; lands at Calais^
and has an affray loith the officers of the Custom-house.
Scarcely had the vessel proceeded two leagues on the
passage, when the wind, shifting, blew directly in
their teeth, so that they were obliged to haul upon a
wind, and alter their course. The sea running pretty
high at the same time, our hero, who was below in
his cabin, began to be squeamish, and in consequence
of the skipper's advice, went upon deck for the com-
fort of his stomach ; while the governor, experienced in
these disasters, slipped into bed, where he lay at his
Tease, amusing himself with a treatise on the cycloid,
with algebraical demonstrations, which never failed to
( engage his imagination in the most agreeable manner.
In the meantime the wind increased to a very hard
gale, the vessel pitched with great violence, the sea
washed over the decks, the master was alarmed, the
crew were confounded, the passengers were over-
whelmed with sickness and fear, and universal distrac-
tion ensued. In the midst of this uproar, Peregrine
holding fast by the taffrail, and looking ruefully ahead,
the countenance of Pipes presented itself to his asto-
nished view, rising as it were from the hold of the ship.
At first he imagined it was a fear-formed shadow of
his own^.brain, though he did not long remain in this
error, but plainly perceived that it was no other than
the real person of Thomas, who, jumping on the
S5S THE ADVENTURES OP
quarter-deck, took charge of tlie helm, and dictated
to the sailors with as much authority as if he had
been commander of the ship. The skipper looked
upon him as an 'ano^el sent to his assistance, and the
crew soon discovering him to be a thorough-bred
seaman, notwithstanding his livery-frock, obeyed his
orders with such alacrity, that in a little time the
confusion vanished, and every necessary step was
taken to weather the gale.
Our young gentleman immediately conceived the
meaning of Tom's appearance on board, and when the
tumult was a little subsided, went up and encouraged
him to exert himself for the preservation of the ship,
promising to take him again into his service, from
which he should never be dismissed, except at his own
desire. This assurance had a surprising effect upon
Pipes, who, though he made no manner of reply,
thrust the helm into the master's hand, saying, ' Here,
' you old bumboat-woman, take hold of the tiller, and
' keep her thus, boy, thus ; ' and skipped about the
vessel, trimming the sails, and managing the ropes
with such agility and skill, that everybody on deck
stood amazed at his dexterity.
Mr. Jolter was far from being unconcerned at the
uncommon motion of the vessel, the singing of the
wind, and the uproar which he heard above him ; he
looked towards the cabin-door with the most fearful
expectation, in hope of seeing some person who could
give some account of the weather, and what was doing
upon deck ; but not a soul appeared, and he was too
well acquainted with the disposition of his bowels to
make the least alteration in his attitude. When he
had lain a good while in all the agony of suspense, the
boy tumbled headlong into his apartment, with such
noise, that he believed the mast had gone by the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 253
board, and starting upright in his bed, asked, with
all the symptoms of horror, what was the cause of
that disturbance ? The boy, half stunned by his fall,
answered in a dolorous tone, ' I'm come to put up the
' dead-lights.' At mention of dead-lights, the meaning
of which he did not understand, the poor governor's
heart died within him ; he shivered with despair. His
recollection for saking-liim, he^JblLjipon hi^ knees in
the bed^^nd fixing his eyes upon the book which was
in his hand, began to pronounce aloud with great
fervour, ' The time^ of a__ complete oscillation in the ^
'• cycloid i^ to the time- in which a body would fall
' through the axis of the cycloid DV as the circum-
' ference of a circle to its diameter — ' He would in
all likelihood have proceeded with the demonstration
of this proposition, had he not been seized with such
a qualm as compelled him to drop the book, and
accommodate himself to the emergency of his dis-
temper; he therefore stretched himself at full length,
and putting up ejaculations to heaven, began to prepare
himself for his latter end, when all of a sudden the
noise above was intermitted; and as he could not
conceive the cause of this tremendous silence, he
imagined that either the men were washed overboard,
or that, despairing of safety, they had ceased to oppose
the tempest. While he was harrowed by this miserable
uncertainty, which, however, was not altogether un-
enUghtened by some scattered rays of hope, the master
entered the cabin; then he asked, with a voice half
extinguished by fear, how matters went upon deck?
and the skipper, with a large bottle of brandy applied
to his mouth, answered in a hollow tone, ' All's over
' now, master.' Upon, which Mr. Jolter, giving him-
self over for lost, exclaimed with the utmost horror:
' Lord, have mercy upon us ! Christ, have mercy
254 THE ADVENTURES OF
/' upon us V and repeated this supplication as it were
rmeclianically, until the master undeceived hiin, by
explaining the meaning of what lie had said , and
assuring him that the squall was over.
Such a sudden transition from fear to joy occasioned
a violent agitation both in his mind and body ; and it
was a full quarter of an hour before he recovered the
right use of his organs. By this time the weather
cleared up, the wind began to blow again from the
right corner, and the spires of Calais appeared at the
distance of five leagues ; so that the countenances of
all on board were lighted up with joyous expectation ;
and Peregrine, venturing to go down into the cabin,
comforted his governor with an account of the happy
turn of their affairs.
Jolter, transported with the thought of a speedy
landing, began to launch out in praise of that country
for which they were bound. He observed that France
was the land of politeness and hospitality, which were
conspicuous in the behaviour of all ranks and degrees,
from the peer to the peasant ; tliat a gentleman and a
foreigner, far from being insulted and imposed upon
by the lower class of people as in England, was
treated with the utmost reverence, candour, and re-
spect; that their fields were fertile, their climate
pure and healthy, their farmers rich and industrious,
and the subjects in general the happiest of men. He
would have prosecuted this favourite theme still
further, had not his pupil been obliged to run upon
deck, in consequence of certain warnings he received
from his stomachrj
The skipper, seeing his condition, very honestly
reminded him of the cold ham and fowls, with a
basket of wine which he had ordered to be sent on
board, and asked if he would have the cloth laid
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 255
below. He conld not have cliosen a more seasonable
opportunity of manifesting his own disinterestedness.
Peregrine made wry faces at the mention of food,
bidding him, for Christ's sake, talk no more on that
subject. He then descended into the cabin, and put
the same question to Mr. Jolter, who he knew enter-
tained the same abhorrence for his proposal: and meet-
ing with the like reception from him, went between
decks and repeated his courteous proffer to the valet-
de-chambre and lackey, who lay sprawling in all
the pangs of a double evacuation, and rejected his
civility with the most horrible loathing. Thus baffled
in all his kind endeavours, he ordered his boy to
secure the provision in one of his own lockers, accord-
ing to the custom of the ship.
It being low water when they arrived on the French
coast, the vessel could not enter the harbour, and they
were obliged to bring to and wait for a boat, which
in less than half an hour came alongside from the
shore. Mr. Jolter now came upon deck, and snuffing
up the French air with symptoms of infinite satis-
faction, asked of the boatmen, with the friendly ap-
pellation of mes enfans^ what they demanded for
transporting him and his pupil with their baggage to
the pier. But how was he disconcerted when those
polite, candid, reasonable watermen demanded a Louis-
d'or for that service ! Peregrine, with a sarcastic
sneer, observed that he already began to perceive the
justice of his encomiums on the French ; and the dis-
appointed governor could say nothing in his vindica-
tion, but that they were debauched by their intercourse
with the inhabitants of Dover. His pupil, however,
was so much offended at this extortion, that he abso-
lutely refused to employ them, even when they abated
one half in their demand, and swore he would stay
256 THE ADVENTURES OF
on board till the packet should be able to enter the
harbour rather than encourage such imposition.
The master, who in all probability had some sort
of fellow-feeling with the boatmen, in vain represented
that he could not with safety lie-to, or anchor upon a
lee shore ; our hero, having consulted Pipes, answered
that he had hired his vessel to transport him to Calais,
and that he would oblige him to perform what he had
undertaken.
y The skipper, very much mortified at this peremptory
reply, which was not over and above agreeable to
Mr. Jolter, dismissed the boat, notwithstanding the
solicitations and condescension of the watermen. Run-
ning a little farther in shore they came to an anchor,
and waited till there was water enough to float them
over the bar. Then they stood into the harbour, and
our gentleman, with his attendants and baggage, was
landed on the pier by the sailors, whom he liberally
rewarded for their trouble.
He was immediately plied by a great number of
porters, who, like so many hungry wo lves , laid hold
on his luggage, and began to carry it off piecemeal,
without his order or direction. Incensed at this offi-
cious insolence, he commanded them to desist, with
many oaths and opprobrious terms that his anger sug-
gested ; and perceiving that one of them did not
seem to pay any regard to what he said, but marched
off with his burden, he snatched a cudgel out of
his lackey's hand, and overtaking the fellow in a
twinkling, brought him to the ground with one blow.
He was instantly surrounded by the whole congrega-
tion of this canaille, who resented the injury which
their brother had sustained, and would have taken
immediate satisfaction of the aggressor, had not Pipes,
seeing his master involved, brought the whole crew to
FEREGEINE PICKLE, 257
his assistance, and exerted himself so manfully, that
the enemy were obliged to retreat with many marks of
defeat and menaces of interesting the commandant in
their quarrel. Jolter, who knew and dreaded the
power of the French governor, began to shake with
apprehension when he heard their repeated threats ;
but they durst not apply to this magisti*ate, who,
upon a fair representation of the case, would have
punished them severely for their rapacious and in-
solent behaviour. Peregrine, without further molesta-
tion, availed himself of his own attendants, who
shouldered his baggage and followed him to the gate,
where they were stopped by the sentinels until their
names should be registered.
Mr. Jolter, who had undergone this examination
before, resolved to profit by his experience, and cun-
ningly represented his pupil as a young English lord.
This intimation, supported by the appearance of his
equipage, was no sooner communicated to the officer
than he turned out the guard, and ordered his soldiers
to rest upon their arms, while his lordship passed
in great state to the ' Lion d' Argent,' where he took up
his lodging for the night, resolving to set out for Paris
next morning in a post-chaise.
The governor triumphed greatly in this piece of
complaisance and respect with which they had been
honoured, and resumed his beloved topic of discourse,
in applauding the method and subordination of the
French government, which was better calculated for
maintaining order and protecting the people than
any constitution upon earth. Of then* courteous at-
tention to strangers there needed no other proof
than the compliment which had been paid to them,
together with the governor's connivance at Peregrine's
employing his own servants in carrying the baggage
VOL. Ill, 17
2.") 8- THE ADVENTURES OF
to the inn, contrary to tlie privilege of tlie inha-
bitants.
While he expatiated with a remarkable degree of
self-indulgence on this subject, the valet-de-chambre
coming into the room interrupted his harangue by
telling his master that their trunks and portmanteaus
must be carried to the custom-house, in order to be
searched, and sealed with lead, which must remain un-
touched until their arrival at Paris.
Peregrine made no objection to this practice, which
was in itself reasonable enough ; but when he under-
stood that the gate was besieged by another multitude
of porters, who insisted upon their right of carrying
the goods, and also of fixing their own price, he abso-
lutely refused to comply with their demand. Nay, he
"chastised some of the most cliimorous among them
Lwith his foot, and told them that if their custom-house
officers had a mind to examine his baggage, they might
come to the inn for that purpose. The valet-de-
chambre was abashed at this boldness of his master's
behaviour, which the lackey, shrugging up his
shoulders, observed, was hien a V Angloise ; while the
governor represented it as an indignity to the whole
nation, and endeavoured to persuade his pupil to
comply with the custom of the place. But Peregrine's
natural hauglitiness of disposition hindered him from
giving ear to Jolter's wholesome advice ; and in less
than half an hour they observed a file of musqueteers
marching up to the gate. At sight of this detachment
the tutor trembled, the valet grew pale, and the lackey
crossed himself; but our hero, without exhibiting any
other symptoms than those of indignation, met them
on the threshold, and with a ferocious air demanded
their business. The corporal who commanded the file
answered with great deliberation that he had orders to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 250
convey his baggage to the custom-house ; and seeing
the trunks standing in the entry, placed his men
between them and the owner, while the porters that
followed took them up, and proceeded to the Douane
without opposition.
Pickle was not mad enough to dispute the authority
of this message ; but in order to gall and specify his
contempt for those who brought it, he called aloud to
his valet, desiring him in French to accompany his
things, and see that none of liis linen and effects should
be stolen by the searchers. The corporal, rnoi'tjfied at
this satirical insinuation, darted a look of res^itment
at the author, as if he had been interested for the glory
of his nation ; and told him that he could perceive he
was a stranger in France, or else he would have saved
himself the trouble of such a needless precaution.
CHAPTER XXXVl.
JSe makes a fruitless attempt in gallapt"
Boulogne., where he spends the p"
English exiles.
Having thus yielded to ^
if there was any other
when, understanding th
in the next apartment, ^
for Paris, he ordered
their footman, and, if
condition ; while he •
lackey, took a +^^ —
the particu^
260 THE ADVENTURES OF
Tom was so very successful in his inquiry that, when
his master returned, he was able to give him a very
satisfactory account of his fellow-lodgers, in con-
sequence of having treated his brother with a bottle
of wine. The people in question were a gentleman
and his lady, lately arrived from England in their
way to Paris. The husband was a man of good for-
tune, who had been a libertine in his youth, and a
professed declaimer against matrimony. He wanted
neither sense nor experience, and piqued himself
in particular upon his art of avoiding the snares of
the female sex, in which he pretended to be deeply
versed. But, notwithstanding all his caution and skill,
he had lately fallen a sacrifice to the attractions of an
oyster-wench, who had found means to decoy him into
the bands of wedlock; and in order to evade the
compliments and congratulations of his friends and
acquaintance, he had come so far on a tour to Paris,
where he intended to initiate his spouse in the heau
raonde. In the meantime, he chose to live upon the
-^.serve, because her natural talents had as yet received
'■^tle cultivation ; and he had not the most implicit
in her virtue and discretion, which, it seems,
vielded to the addresses of p' icer
' ad made shift to i^r^i'- nself
'id fa^^*^""
J infor-
)f seeinof
jachelor ;
j^\ took the
spect. She
md appeared
anless he had
' life and con-
""■ that her
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 20 1
education was different from that of other ladies of
fashion ; so easy is it to acquire that external deport-
ment on which people of condition value themselves
so much. Not hut that Mr. Pickle pretended to dis-
tinguish a certain vulgar audacity in her countenance,
which in a lady of birth and fortune would have
passed for an agreeable vivacity that enlivens the
aspect and gives poignancy to every feature ; but as
she possessed a pair of fine eyes, and a clear com-
plexion overspread with the glow of health, which
never fails of recommending the owner, he could not
help gazing at her with desire, and forming the design
of making a conquest of her heart. AVith this view,
he sent his compliments to her husband, whose name
was Hornbeck, with an intimation that he proposed
to set out next day for Paris, and as he understood that
he had resolved upon the same journey, he should be
extremely glad of his company on the road if he was
not better engaged. Hornbeck, who in all probability
did not choose to accommodate his wife with a squire
of our hero's appearance, sent a civil answer to his
message, professing infinite moj^tificatian at his being
unable to embrace tlie favour of this kind offer, by
reason of the indisposition of his wife, who, he was
afraid, would not be in a condition for some days to
bear the fatigue of travelling. This rebuff, which
Peregrine ascribed to the husband's jealousy, stifled
his project in embryo ; he ordered his French servant
to take a place for himself in the diligence, where all
his luggage was stowed, except a small trunk with
some linen and other necessaries, that was fixed upon
the post-chaise which they hired of the landlord ; and
early next morning he and Mr. Jolter departed from
Calais, attended by his valet-de-chambre and Pipes on
horseback. They proceeded without any accident as
262 THE ADVENTURES OF
far as Boulogne, where tliey breakfasted and visited
old father Graham, a Scottish gentleman of the
governor's acquaintance, who had lived as a Capuchin
in that place for the space of threescore years, and
during that period conformed to all the austerities of
the order with the most rigorous exactness, being
equally remarkable for the frankness of his conver-
sation, the humanity of his disposition, and the sim-
plicity of his manners. From Boulogne they took
their departure about noon, and as they proposed to I
sleep that night at Abbeville, commanded the postillion
to drive with extraordinary speed. Perhaps it was
well for his cattle that the axletree gave way, and the
chaise of course overturned before they had travelled
one-third part of the stage.
This accident compelled them to return to the place
whence they had set out, and as they could not
procure another convenience, they found themselves
under the necessity of staying till their chaise could
be refitted. Understanding that this operation would
detain them a whole day, our young gentleman had
recourse to his patience, and demanded to know what
they could have for dinner; the gar^oiii or waiter,
thus questioned, vanished in a moment, and immedi-
ately they were surprised with the appearance of a
strange figure, which, from the extravagance of its
dress and gesticulation, Peregrine mistook for a mad-
man of the growth of France. This phantom (which,
by-the-bye, happened to be no other than the cook)
was a tall, long-legged, meagre, swarthy fellow, that
stooped very much ; his cheek-bones were remarkably
raised, his nose bent into the shape and size of a
powder-horn, and the sockets of his eyes as raw round
the edges as if the skin had been pared off. On his
head he wore a handkerchief, which had once been
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 263
wliite, and now served to cover the upper part of a
black perriwig, to which was attached a bag at least
a foot square, with a solitaire and rose that stuck
upon each side of his ear, so that he looked like a
criminal on the pillory. His back was accommodated
with a linen waistcoat, his hands adorned with long
ruffles of the same piece, his middle was girded by
an apron tucked up that it might not conceal his white
silk-stockings rolled, and at his entrance he brandished
a bloody weapon full three feet in length. Peregrine,
when he first saw him approach in this menacing at-
titude, put himself upon his guard, but being informed
of his quality, perused his bill of fare, and having
bespoke three or four things for dinner, walked out
with Mr. Jolter to view both towns, which they had not
leisure to consider minutely before. In their return from
the harbour they met with four or five gentlemen, all
of whom seemed to look with an air of dejection, and
perceiving our hero and his governor to be English
by their dress, bowed with great respect as they passed.
Pickle, who was naturally compassionate, felt an emo-
tion of sympathy, and seeing a person who by his
habit he judged to be one of their servants, accosted
him in English, and asked who the gentlemen were.
The lackey gave him to understand that they were
lis countrymen, e_ xiled from th eir native homes m
coiisfiqiience of thdr adherence to an unfortunate and
rui ned cause; and that they were gone to the seaside,
according to their daily practice, in order to indidge
their longing eyes with a prospect of the white cliffs
of Albion, which they must never more approach.
Though our young gentleman differed widely from
them in point of political principles, he was not one
of those enthusiasts who look upon every schism from
the establislied articles of faith as damnable, and ex-
264 THE ADVENTURES OE
elude the sceptic from every benefit of humanity and
Christian forgiveness ; he could easily comprehend
V how a man of the most unblemished morals might,
kV' by the prejudice of education or indispensable attach-
f^ ~"ments, be engaged in such a blameworthy and per-
nicious undertaking, and thought that they had already
suffered severely for their imprudence. He was af-
fected with the account of their diurnal pilgrimage to
the seaside, which he considered as a pathetic proof
of their affliction, and invested Mr. Jolter with the
agreeable office of going to them with a compliment
in his name, and begging the honour of drinking a
glass with them in the evening. They accepted the
proposal with great satisfaction and respectful acknow-
ledgment, and in the afternoon waited upon the kind
inviter, who treated them with coffee, and would have
detained them to supper ; but they entreated the favour
of his company at the house which they frequented
so earnestly, that he yielded to their solicitations, and
with his governor was conducted by them to the place,
where they had provided an elegant repast, and re-
galed them with some of the best claret in France.
It was easy for them to perceive that their principal
guest was no favourer of their state maxims, and there-
fore they industriously avoided every subject of con-
versation which could give the least offence ; not but
that they lamented their hopeless situation, which cut
them off from all their dearest connections, and doomed
them to perpetual banishment from their families and
friends ; but they did not, even by the most distant
hint, impeach the justice of that sentence by which
they were condemned ; although one among them,
who seemed to be about the age of thirty, wept bit-
terly over his misfortune, which had involved a beloved
wife and three children in misery and distress, and in
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 265
the impatience of his grief, cursed his own fate with
frantic imprecations. His companions, with a view
of beguiling his sorrow, and manifesting their own
hospitality at the same time, changed the topic of
discom'se, and circulated the bumpers with great as-
siduity, so that all their cares were overwhelmed and
forgotten, several French drinking catches were sung,
and mirth and good-fellowship prevailed.
In the midst of this elevation, which commonly un-
locks the most hidden sentiment and dispels every
consideration of constraint, one of the entertainers,
being more intoxicated than his fellows, proposed a
toast, to which Peregrine, with some warmth, excepted
as an unmannerly insult. The other maintained his
proposition with indecent heat, and the dispute be-
ginning to grow very serious, the company interposed,
and gave judgment against their friend, who was so
keenly reproached and rebuked for his impolite be-
haviour, that he retired in high dudgeon, threatening
to relinquish their society, and branding them with
\ the appellation of apostates from the common cause.
^ Mortified at the behaviour of their companion, those
that remained were earnest in their apologies to their
guests, whom they besought to forgive his intem-
perance, assuring them, with great confidence, that he
would, upon the recovery of his reflection, wait upon
them in person, and ask pardon for the umbrage he
had given. Pickle was satisfied with their remon-
strances, resumed his good humour, and the night
being pretty far advanced, resisted all their impor-
tunities with which he was entreated to see another
bottle go round, and was escorted to his lodgings
more than half-seas over. Next morning, about eight
o'clock, he was waked by his valet-de-chambre, who
told him that two of the gentlemen with whom he had
2Q6 The adventures op
spent the evening were in the house, and desired the
favour of being admitted into his chamber. He could
not conceive the meaning of this extraordinary visit,
and ordering his man to show them into his apartment,
beheld the person who had affronted him enter with
the gentleman who had reprehended his rudeness.
He who had given the offence, after having made
an apology for disturbing Mr. Pickle, told him that
his friend there present had been with him early that
morning, and proposed the alternative of either fight-
ing with him immediately, or coming to beg pardon
for his unmannerly deportment over night ; that though
he had courage enough to face any man in the field
in a righteous cause, he was not so brutal as to disobey
the dictates of duty and reflection ; in consequence of
which, and not out of any regard to the other's menaces,
which he despised, he had now taken the liberty of
interrupting his repose, that he might, as soon as
possible, atone for the injury he had done him, which
he protested was the effect of intoxication alone, and
begged his forgiveness accordingly. Our hero ac-
cepted of this acknowledgment very graciously, thanked
the other gentleman for the gallant part he had acted
in his behalf; and perceiving that his companion was
a little irritated at his officious interposition, effected
a reconciliation, by convincing him that what he had
done was for the honour of the company. He then
kept them to breakfast, expressed a desire of seeing
their situation altered for the better ; and the chaise
being repaired, took his leave of liis entertainers, who
came to wish him a good journey, and with his atten-
dants left Boulogne for the second time.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 26'
CHAPTEE XXXVIL
Proceeds for the capital. Takes up Ms lodging at
Bernay^ where he is overtahen hy Mr» Hornheck^
whose head he longs to for
During this day's expedition, Mr. Jolter took an op-
portunity of imparting to his pupil the remarks he had
made upon the industry of the French, as an unde-
niable proof of which he bade him cast his eyes
around, and observe with what care every spot of
ground was cultivated; and from the fertility of that
province, which is reckoned the poorest in France,
conceive the wealth and affluence of the nation in
general. Peregrine, amazed as well as disgusted at
this infatuation, answered that what he ascribed to
industry was the effect of mere wretchedness, the
miserable peasants being obliged to plough u^ every
inch of ground to satisfy their oppressive landlords,
while they themselves and their cattle looked like so
many images of famine ; that their extreme poverty
was evident from the face of the country, on which
there was not one enclosure to be seen, or any other
object except scanty crops of barley and oats, which
could never reward the toil of the husbandman ; that
their habitations were no better than paltry huts ; that
in twenty miles of extent not one gentleman's house
appeared ; that nothing was more abject and forlorn
than the attire of their country people ; that the equi-
page of their travelling chaises was infinitely inferior
to that of a dung-cart in England ; and that the postil-
lion who then drove their carriage had neither stock-
ings to his legs nor a shirt to his back. ^Vf'
26S THE ADVENTURES OP
The governor, finding liis cliarge so intractable,
resolved to leave him in the midst of ignorance and
prejudice, and reserve his observations for those who
would pay more deference to his opinion ; and indeed
this resolution he had often made, and as often broken
in the transports of his zeal, that frequently hurried
him out of the plan of conduct which in his cooler
moments he had laid down. They halted for refi'esh-
ment at Monti'euil, and about seven in the evening
arrived at a village called Bernay, where, while they
waited for fresh horses, they were informed by the
landlord that the gates of Abbeville were shut every
night punctually at eight o'clock, so that it would be
impossible for them to get admittance. He said there
was not another place of entertainment on the road
where they could pass the night ; and therefore, as a
friend, he advised them to stay at his house, where
they would find the best of accommodation, and
proceed upon their journey betimes in the morning.
Mr. Jolter, though he had travelled on that road
before, could not recollect whether or not mine
host spoke truth ; but his remonstrance being very
plausible, our hero determined to follow his advice,
and being conducted into an apartment, asked what
they could have for supper. The landlord mentioned
everything that was eatable in the house, and the
whole being engrossed for the use of him and his
attendants, he amused himself till such time as it
should be dressed in strolling about the house, which
stands in a very rural situation. While he thus loi-
tered away the time that hung heavy on his hands,
another chaise arrived at the inn, and upon inquiry he
found that the newcomers were Mr. Hornbeck and
his lady. The landlord, conscious of his inability to
entertain this second company, came and begged with
PEHEGRINE PICKLE. 209
great humiliation that Mr. Pickle would spare them
some part of the victuals he had bespoken ; but he
refused to part with so much as the wing of a par-
tridge, though at the same time he sent his compli-
ments to the strangers, and giving them to understand
how ill the house was provided for their reception,
invited them to partake of his supper. Mr. Hornbeck,
who was not deficient in point of politeness, and ex-
tremely well disposed for a relishing meal, which he
had reason to expect from the savoury steam that
issued from the kitchen, could not resist this second
instance of our young gentleman's civility, which he
acknowledged by a message, importing that he and his
wife would do themselves the pleasure of profiting by
his courteous offer. Peregrine's cheeks glowed when
he found himself on the eve of being acquainted with
Mrs. Hornbeck, of whose heart he had already made
a conquest in imagination ; and he forthwith set his
invention at work to contrive some means of defeating
her husband's vigilance.
When supper was ready, he in person gave notice to
his guest, and leading the lady into his apartment,
seated her in an elbow-chair at the upper end of the
table, squeezing her hand, and darting a most insi-
dious glance at the same time. This abrupt behaviour
he practised on the presumption that a lady of her
breeding was not to be addressed with the tedious
forms that must be observed in one's advances to a
person of birth and genteel education. In all pro-
bability his calculation was just; for Mrs. Hornbeck
gave no signs of discontent at this sort of treatment,
but, on the contrary, seemed to consider it as a proof
of the young gentleman's regard ; and though she did
not venture to open her mouth three times during the
whole repast, she showed herself particularly well
270 THE ADVENTURES OF
satisfied with her entertainer, by sundry sly and sig-
nificant looks, while her husband's eyes were directed
another way, and divers loud peals of laughter, signify-
ing her approbation of the sallies which he uttered in
the course of their conversation. Her spouse began to
be very uneasy at the frank demeanour of his yoke-
fellow, whom he endeavoured to check in vivacity by
assuming a severity of aspect ; but whether she obeyed
the dictates of her disposition, which, perhaps, was
merry and unreserved, or wanted to punish Mr. Horn-
beck for his jealousy of temper, certain it is, her gaiety
increased to such a degree, that her husband was
grievously alarmed and incensed at her conduct, and
resolved to make her sensible of his displeasure by
' treading in secret upon her toes. He was, however, so
j disconcerted by his indignation, that he mistook his
mark, and applied the sharp heel of his shoe to the
side of Mr. Jolter's foot, comprehending his little toe
that was studded with an angry corn, which he in-
vaded with such a sudden jerk^ that the governor,
unable to endure the torture in silence, started up, and
dancing on the floor, roared hideously with repeated
bello wings, to the unspeakable enjoyment of Peregrine
and the lady, who laughed themselves almost into con-
vulsions at the joke. Hornbeck, confoundedat the mis-
take he had committed, begged pardon of the injured
tutor with great contrition, protesting that the blow
he had so unfortunately received was intended for an
ugly cur, which he thought had posted himself under
the table. It was lucky for him that there was actually
a dog in the room to justify this excuse, which Jolter
admitted with the tears running over his cheeks, and
I the economy of the table was re-composed.
As soon, however, as the strangers could with decency
withdraw, this suspicious husband took his leave of the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 271
youth, on pretence of being fatigued witli his journey,
after having, by the way of compliment, proposed that
they should travel together next day ; and Peregrine
handed the lady to her chamber, where he wished her
good night with another warm squeeze, which she
returned. This favourable hint made his heart bound
with a transport of joy ; he lay in wait for. an oppor-
tunity of declaring himself, and seeing the husband go
down into the yard with a candle, glided softly into
his apartment, where he found her almost undressed.
Impelled by the impetuosity of his passion, which was
still more enflamed by her present luscious appearance,
and encouraged by the approbation she had already
expressed, he ran towards her with eagerness, crying,
' Zounds ! madam, your charms are irresistible ! ' and
without further ceremony would have clasped her in
his arms, had she not begged him for the love of God
to retire, for, should Mr. Hornbeck return and find him
there, she would be undone for ever. He was not so
blinded by his passion but that he saw the reasonable-
ness of her fear, and as he could not pretend to crown
his wishes at that interview, he avowed himself her
lover, assured her that he would exhaust his whole
invention in finding a proper opportunity for throwing
himself at her feet ; and in the meantime he ravished
sundry small favours, which she in the hurry of her
fright could not withhold from his impudence of
address. Having thus happily settled the prelimi-
naries, he withdrew to his own chamber, and spent
the whole night in contiT7iiig_.atratagem« to elude-
the jealous caution of his fellow-traveller.
272 THE ADVENTUmS OF
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
TJiey set out in company^ breakfast at Abbeville^ dine at
Amiens^ and about eleven o clock arrive at Chantilly^
where Peregrine executes a plan which he had con-
certed upon Hornbech.
The whole company by agreement rose and departed
before day, and breakfasted at Abbeville, wliere tbey
became acquainted with the finesse of their Bernay
landlord, who had imposed upon them, in affirming
that they would not have been admitted after the gates
were shut. Thence they proceeded to Amiens, where
they dined and were pestered by begging friars ; and
the roads being deep, it was eleven o'clock at night
before they reached Chantilly, where they found supper
already dressed, in consequence of having despatched
the valet-de-chambre before them on horseback.
The constitution of Hornbeck being very much
impaired by a life of irregularity, he found himself
so fatigued with his day's journey, which amounted
to upwards of a hundred miles, that when he sat
down at table, he could scarcely sit upright ; and in
less than three minutes began to nod in his chair.
Peregrine, who had foreseen and provided for this
occasion, advised him to exhilarate his spirits with a
glass of wine; and the proposal being embraced,
tipped his valet-de-chambre the wink, who, accord-
ing to the instructions he had received, qualified the
Burgundy with thirty drops of laudanum, which this
unfortunate husband swallowed in one glass. The
dose, co-operating witli his former drowsiness, lulled
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 273
him so fast asleep, as it were instantaneously, that it
was found necessary to convey him to his chamber,
where his footman undressed and put him to bed.
Nor was Jolter (naturally of a sluggish disposition)
able to resist his propensity to sleep without suffering
divers dreadful yawns, which encouraged his pupil to
administer the same dose to him which had operated
so successfully upon the other ^Argus. This cordial
had not such a gentle effect upon the rugged organs
of Jolter as upon the more delicate nerves of Horn-
beck, but discovered itself in certain involuntary
startings and convulsive motions in the muscles of
the face; and when his nature at length yielded to
the power of this medicine, he sounded the trumpet
so loud through his nostrils, that our adventm-er was
afraid the noise would wake his other patient, and
consequently prevent the accomplishment of his aim.
The governor was therefore committed to the care of
Pipes, who lugged him into the next room, and having
stripped off his clothes, tumbled him into his nest,
while the two lovers remained at full liberty to indulge
their mutual passion.
Peregrine, in the impatience of his inclination, would
have finished the fate of Hornbeck immediately, but
his inamorata disapproved of his intention, and repre-
sented that their being together by themselves for any
length of time would be observed by her servant, who
was kept as a spy upon her actions ; so that they had
recourse to another scheme, which was executed in this
manner : He conducted her into her own apartment in
presence of her footman, who lighted them thither,
and wishing her good rest returned to his own chamber,
where he waited till everything was quiet in the
house ; then stealing softly to her door, which had been
left open for his admission, in the dark, he found the
VOL. III. 18
274 THE ADVENTURES OF
husband still secure in the embraces of sleep, and the
lady in a loose gown, ready to seal his happiness. He
conveyed her to his own chamber, but his guilty passion
was not gratified.
The opium which had been given to Jolter, together
with the wine he had drunk, produced such a perturba-
tion in his fancy, that he was visited with horrible
<^^ dreams, and among other miserable situations, imagined
himself in danger of perishing in the flames, which he
;vv ^ thought had taken hold on his apartment. This vision
'^made such an impression upon his faculties, that he
alarmed the whole house with the repeated cries of
^ Fire ! Fire ! and even leaped out of his bed, though
he still continued fast asleep. The lovers were very
disagreeably disturbed by this dreadful exclamation ;
and Mrs. Hornbeck, running in great confusion to the
<> door, had the mortification to see the footman, with a
light in his hand, enter her husband's chamber, in order
to give him notice of this accident. She knew that she
would be instantly missed, and could easily divine the
consequence, unless her invention could immediately
trump up some plausible excuse for her absence.
Women are naturally fruitful of expedients in cases
of such emergency : she employed but a few seconds in
recollection, and rushing directly towards the apart-
ment of the governor, who still continued to halloo in
the same note, exclaimed, in a screaming tone, ' Lord
' have mercy upon us ! Where ? where ? ' By this time
all the servants were assembled in strange attire.
Peregrine burst into Jolter's room, and seeing him
stalking in his shirt with his eyes shut, bestowed such
a slap upon his back as in a moment dissolved his
dream and restored him to the use of his senses. He
was astonished and ashamed at being discovered in
such an indecent attitude, and taking refuge under the
rEREGEINE PICKLE. 275
clothes, asked pardon of all present for the disturbance
he had occasioned ; soliciting with great humility the
forgiveness of the lady, who, to a miracle, counterfeited
the utmost agitation of terror and surprise. Mean-
while, Hornbeck being awakened by the repeated
efforts of his man, no sooner understood that his wife
was missing, than all the chimeras of jealousy taking
^ possession of his imagination, he started up in a sort of
frenzy, and snatching his sword, flew straight to
Peregrine's chamber, where, though he found not that
which he looked for, he unluckily perceived an under-
petticoat, which his wife had forgot in the hurry of her
retreat. This discovery added fuel to the flame of his
resentment. He seized the fatal proof of his dishonour,
and meeting his spouse in her return to bed, presented
it to her view, saying, with a most expressive counte-
nance, ' Madam, you have dropped your under-petti-
' coat in the next room.' Mrs. Hornbeck, who
inherited from nature a most admirable presence of
mind, looked earnestly at the object in question, and
with incredible serenity of countenance affirmed that
the petticoat must belong to the house, for she had
none such in her possession. Peregrine, who walked
behind her, hearing this asseveration, immediately in-
terposed, and pulling Hornbeck by the sleeve into his
chamber, ' Gads zooks ! ' said he, ' what business had
' you with that petticoat ? Can't you let a young
' fellow enjoy a little amour with an innkeeper's
' daughter, without exposing his infirmities to your
' wife ? Pshaw ! that's so malicious, because you have
' quitted these adventures yourself, to spoil the sport of
' other people.' The poor husband was so confounded
at the effrontery of his wife, and this cavalier declara-
tion of the young man, that his faith began to waver ;
he distrusted his own conscious diffidence of temper,
18-2
276 THE ADVENTURES OF
wliicli that he might not expose, he expressed no doubts
of Peregrine's veracity, but asking pardon for the mis-
take he had committed, retired. He was not yet
satisfied with the behaviour of his ingenious helpmate,
but, on the contrary, determined to inquire more
minutely into the circumstances of this adventure;
which turned out so little to his satisfaction, that he
ordered his servant to get everything ready for his de-
parture by break of day, and when our adventurer
rose next morning, he found that his fellow-travellers
were gone above three hours, though they had agTced
to stay all the forenoon, with a view of seeing the
Prince of Condi's palace, and to proceed all together
for Paris in the afternoon.
Peregrine was a little chagrined when he understood
that he was so suddenly deprived of this untasted
morsel ; and Jolter could not conceive the meaning of
their abrupt and uncivil disappearance, which, after
many profound conjectures, he accounted for, by sup-
posing that Hombeck was some sharper who had run
away with an heiress, whom he found it necessary to
conceal from the inquiry of her friends.
The pupil, who was well assured of the true motive,
allowed his governor to enjoy the triumph of his own
penetration, and consoled himself with the hope of seeing
his Dulcinea again at some of the public places in Paris,
which he proposed to frequent. Thus comforted, he
visited the magnificent stables and palace of Chantilly,
and immediately after dinner set out for Paris, where
they arrived in the evening, and hired apartments at an
hotel in the Faubourg St. Germaine, not far from
the playhouse.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 211
CHAPTER XXXIX.
He is involved in an adventure at Paris ^ and taken
prisoner by the city guard. Becomes acqiLainted with
a French nobleman^ loho introduces him in the beau
monde.
They were no sooner settled in these lodgings, than
our hero wrote to his uncle an account of their safe
arrival, and sent another letter to his friend Gauntlet,
with a very tender billet enclosed for his dear Emilia,
to whom he repeated all his former vowa^oLconstanc-y
^ndjoy^.
The next care that engrossed him was that of be-
speaking several suits of clothes suitable to the French
mode ; and in the meantime he never appeared abroad,
except in the English coffee-house, where he soon be-
came acquainted with some of his countrymen, who
were at Paris on the same footing with himself. The
third evening after his journey he was engaged in a
party of those young sparks at the house of a noted
trait^m:^ whose wife was remarkably handsome, and
otherwise extremely well qualified for alluring cus-
tomers to her house. To this lady our young gentle-
man was introduced as a stranger fresh from England ;
and he was charmed with her personal accomplish-
ments as well as with the freedom and gaiety of her
conversation. Her frank deportment persuaded him
that she was one of those kind creatures who granted
favours to the best bidder; on this supposition he
began to be so importunate in his addresses, that the
fan bourgeoise was compelled to cry aloud in defence
278 THE ADVENTURES OF
of her virtue. Her husband ran hmnediately to her
assistance, and finding her in a very alarming situa-
tion, flew upon her ravisher with such fury, that he
was fain to quit his £rey, and turn against the exas-
perated traiteur^ whom he punished without mercy
for his impudent intrusion. The lady, seeing her
yokefellow treated with so little respect, espoused his
cause, and fixing her nails in his antagonist's face,
scarified all one side of his nose. The noise of this
encounter brought all the servants of the house to
the rescue of their master, and Peregrine's company
opposing them, a general battle ensued, in which the
French were totally routed, the wife insulted, and the
husband kicked downstairs.
The publican, enraged at the indignity which had
been offered to him and his family, went out into the
street, and implored the protection of the guet^ or city
guard, which, having heard his complaint, fixed their
bayonets, and surrounded the door to the number of
twelve or fourteen. The young gentlemen, flushed
with their success, and considering the soldiers as so
many London watchmen whom they had often put to
flight, drew their swords, and sallied out with Pere-
grine at their head. Whether the guard respected
them as foreigners or inexperienced youths intoxicated
with liquoi', they opened to right and left, and gave
them room to pass without opposition. This com-
plaisance, which was the effect of compassion, being
misinterpreted ^b^j he Engli sh lemier, he out of mere
wantonness attempted to trip up the heels of the
soldier that stood next hi'm, but failed in the execu-
tion, and received a blow on his breast with the butt
end of a fusil^ that made liim stagger several paces
backward. Incensed at this audacious application,
the whole company charged the detachment sword in
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 279
liand, and after an obstinate engagement, in which
divers wounds were given and received, every soul of
them was taken and conveyed to the main guard.
The commanding officer being made acquainted with
the circumstances of the quarrel, in consideration of
their youth and natimaljferocii^ for which the French
make large allowances, set them all at liberty, after
having gently rebuked them for the irregularity and
insolence of their conduct : so that all our hero acquired
by his gallantry and courage was a number of scan-
dalous marks upon his visage that confined him a
whole week to his chamber. It was impossible to
conceal this disaster from Mr. Jolter, who, having
obtained intelligence of the particulars, did not fail
to remonstrate against the j:asliness^j)f_the adventure,
which he observed must have been fatal to them had
their enemies been other than Frenchmen, who, of all
people under the sun, most rigorously observe the
laws of hospitality.
As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly among
Irish and English priests, and a set of low people who
live by making themselves necessary to strangers,
either in teaching the French language or executing
small commissions with which they are intrusted, he
was not the most proper person in the world for regu-
lating the taste of a young gentleman who travelled for
improvement, in expectation of making a figure one
day in his own country. Being conscious of his in-
capacity, he contented himself with the office of a
steward, and kept a faithful account of all the money
that was disbursed in the course of their family
expense ; not but that he was acquainted with all the
places which were visited by strangers on their first
arrival at Paris ; and he knew to a Hard what was
commonly given to the Swiss of each remarkable
280 THE ADVENTURES OF
hotel; though, with respect to the curious painting
and statuary that everywhere abound in that metro-
polis, he was more ignorant than the domestic that
attends for a livre a day.
In short, Mr. Jolter could give a very good account
of the stages on the road, and save the expense of
Antonini's detail of the curiosities in Paris ; he was a
connoisseur in ordinaries, from twelve to five-and-thirty
livres, knew all the rates of a fiacre and remise^ could
dispute with a tailleur or a traiteur upon the articles
of his bill, and scold the servants in tolerable French.
(JBut the laws, customs, and genius of the people, the
characters of individuals, and scenes of polished life,
were subjects which he had neither opportunities to
observe, inclination to consider, nor discernment to
distinguishi All his maxims were the suggestions
of pedantry and prejudice ; so that his perception was
obscured, his judgment biassed, his address awkward,
and his conversation absurd and unentertaining : yet
such as I have represented this tutor, is the greatest
part of those animals who lead raw boys about the
world, under the denomination of travelling governors.
Peregrine, therefore, being perfectly well acquainted
with the extent of Mr. Jolter's abilities, never dreamt
of consulting him in the disposition of his conduct,
but parcelled out his time according to the dictates of
his own reflection, and the information and direction
of his companions, who had lived longer in France,
and consequently were better acquainted with the
pleasures of the place.
As soon as he was in a condition to appear a la
Frangoise^ he hired a genteel chariot by the month,
made the tour of the Luxembourg Gallery, Palais
Royal, all the remarkable hotels, churches, and cele-
brated places in Paris; visited St. Cloud, Marli,
.1
PEEEGBINE PICKLE. 2Sl
Versailles, Trianon, St. Germaine, and Fontainbleau ;
enjoyed the opera, masquerades, and Italian and
French comedy ; and seldom failed of appearing in the
public walks, in hopes of meeting with Mrs. Hornbeck,
or some adventure suited to__his romantic_dispositioii. ^
He never doubted that his person would attract the
notice of some distinguished inamorata, and was vain
enough to believe that few female hearts were able to
resist the §Ttillery of his accomplishments, should he
once find an opportunity of planting it to advantage.
He presented himself, however, at all the spectacles
for many weeks without reaping the fruits of his
expectation; and began to entertain a very indif-
ferent idea of the French discernment, which had
overlooked him so long, when one day, in his way
to the opera, his chariot was stopped by an emharras
in the street, occasioned by two peasants, who, having
driven their carts against each other, quarrelled, and
went to loggerheads on the spot. Such a rencounter
is so uncommon in France, that the people shut up
their shops, and from their windows threw cold water
upon the combatants, with a view of putting an end
to the battle, which was maintained with great fury
and very little skill, until one of them receiving an
accidental fall, the other took the advantage of this
misfortune, and fastening upon him as he lay, began
to thump \the"'7>avmnenrv^^ TusHiead^ Our hero's
equipage being detained close by the field of this con-
tention, Pipes could not bear to see the laws of boxing
so scandalously transgressed, and leaping from his
station, pulled the ofi'ender from his antagonist, whom
he raised up, and in the English language encouraged
to a second essay, instructing him at the same time, by
clenching his fists according to art, and putting himself
in a proper attitude. Thus confirmed, the enraged
282 THE ADVENTURES OE
carman sprang upon his foe, and in all appearance
would have effectually revenged the injury he had
sustained, if he had not been prevented by the inter-
position of a lackey belonging to a nobleman, whose
coach was obliged to halt in consequence of the dis-
pute. This footman, who was distinguished by a
cane, descending from his post, without the least
ceremony or expostulation, began to employ his
weapon upon the ^ead and shoulders of the peasant
who had been patronized by Pipes ; upon which,
Thomas, resenting such ungenerous behaviour, be-
stowed such a stomacher upon the officious inter-
meddler as discomposed the whole economy of his
entrails, and obliged him to discharge the interjection
ah ! with demonstrations of great anguish and amaze-
ment. The other two footmen who stood behind the
coach, seeing their fellow-servant so insolently as-
saulted, flew to his assistance, and rained a most
disagreeable shower upon the head of his aggi-essor" i
who had no means of diversion or defence. Peregrine,
though he did not approve of Tom's conduct, could
not bear to see him so roughly handled, especially as
he thought his own honour concerned in the affray,
and therefore, quitting his machine, came to the rescue
of his attendant, and charged his adversaries sword in
hand. Two of them no sooner perceived this reinforce-
ment than they betook themselves to flight ; and Pipes
having twisted the cane out of the hands of the third,
belaboured him so unmercifully, that our hero thought
proper to interpose his authority in his behalf. The
common people stood aghast at this unprecedented
boldness of Pickle, who understanding that the person
whose servants he had disciplined was a general and
prince of the blood, went up to the coach, and asked
pardon for what he had done, imputing his own
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 283
behaviour to lils ignorance of the other's quality. The
old nobleman accepted of his apology with great polite-
ness, thanking him for the trouble he had taken to
retorm the manners of his domestics, and guessing
from our youth's appearance that he was some stranger
of condition, very courteously invited him into the
coach, on the supposition that they were both going
to the opera. Pickle gladly embraced this opportunity
of becoming acquainted with a person of such rank,
and ordering his own chariot to follow, accompanied
the count to his loge^ where he conversed with him
^dming the whole entertainment.
"* He soon perceived that Peregrine was not deficient
in spirit and sense, and seemed particularly pleased
with his engaging manner and easy deportment, quali-
fications for which the English nation is by no means
remarkable in France, arid therefore the inore con-
spicuous and agreeable in the character of our hero,
whom the nobleman carried home that same evening,
and introduced to his lady and several persons of
fashion who supped at his house. Peregrine was quite
captivated by their affable behaviour and the vivacity
of their discourse ; and after having been honoured
with particular marks of consideration, took his
leave, fully determined to cultivate such a valuable
acquaintance.
[JIIs vanity suggested that now the time was come
when he should profit by his talents among the fair
sex, on whom he resolved to employ his utmost art
and addressT] With this view he assiduously engaged
in all parties to which he had access by means of his
noble friend, who let slip no opportunity of gratifying
his ambition. He for some time shared in all his
amusements, and was entertained in many of the best
families of France ; but he did not long enjoy that
284 The adventures oV'
elevation of hope wliicli had flattered his imagination.
He soon perceived that it would be impossible to
maintain the honom'able connections he had made
without engaging every day at quadrille, or, in other
words, losing his money ; for, every person of rank,
whether male or female, was a professed gamester, who
knew and practised all \kiQJinesse of the art, of which
he was entirely ignorant. Besides, he began to find
himself a mere novice in French gallantry, which is
supported by an amazing volubility of tongue, and
obsequious and incredible attention to trifles, a sur-
prising faculty of laughter out of pure complaisance,
and a nothingness of conversation which he could never
attain. In short, our hero, who among his own
countrymen would have passed for a sprightly enter-
taining fellow, was considered in the brilliant assem-
blies of France as a youth of a very phlegmatic
disposition. No wonder, then, that his pride was
Y mortified at his want of importance, which he did not
fail to ascribe to their defect in point of judgment and
taste : he conceived a disgust at the mercenary conduct,
as well as the shallow intellects of the ladies ; and
after he had spent some months, and a round sum of
money in fruitless attendance and addresses, he fairly
quitted the pursuit, and consoled himself with the
conversation of a merry jille de joie^ whose good
graces he acquired by an allowance of twenty Louis
per month. That he might the more easily afford this
expense, he dismissed his chariot and French lackey
at the same time.
He then entered himself in a noted academy, in
order to finish his exercises, and contracted an ac-
quaintance with a few sensible people, whom he distin-
guished at the coffee-house and ordinary to which he
resorted, and who contributed not a little to the im-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 285
provement of Ms knowledge and taste ; for, prejudice"^
apart, it must be owned that France abounds with men I
of consummate honour, profound sagacity, and the
most liberal education. From the conversation of^
such he obtained a distinct idea of their government
and constitution ; and though he could not help
admiring the excellent order and economy of their
police, the result of all his inquiries was self-congra-
tulation on his title to the privileges of a British sub-
ject. Indeed, this invaluable birth-right was rendered
conspicuous by such flagrant occurrences, which fell
every day almost under his observation, that nothing
but the grossest prejudice could dispute its existence*
.CHAPTER XL.
Acquires a distinct idea of the French Government;
quarrels with a mousquetaire, lohom he afterioards
fights and vanquishes^ after having 'punished him for
interfering in his amorous recreations.
Among many other instances of the same nature, I
believe it will not be amiss to exhibit a few specimens
of their administration which happened during his
abode in Paris, that those who have not the opportu-
nity of observing for themselves, or are in danger of
being influenced by misrepresentation, may compare
their own condition with that of their neighbours, and
do justice to the constitution under which they live.
A lady of distinguished character having been lam-
pooned by some obscure scribbler, who could not be
discovered, the ministry, in consequence of her com-
286 THE ADVENTURES OF
plaint, ordered no fewer than five-and-twenty abbes
to be apprehended and sent to the Bastile, on the
maxim of Herod, when he commanded the innocents
to be mm'dered, hoping that the principal object of his
cruelty would not escape in the general calamity ; and
the friends of those unhappy prisoners durst not even
complain of the unjust persecution, but shrugged up
their shoulders, and in silence deplored their misfor-
tune, uncertain whether or not they should ever set
eyes on them again.
About the same time, a gentleman of family, who
had been oppressed by a certain powerful duke that
lived in the neighbourhood, found means to be intro-
duced to the king, who, receiving his petition very
graciously, asked in what regiment he served ; and
when the memorialist answered that he had not the
honom' of being in the service, returned the paper
unopened, and refused to hear one circumstance of his
complaint ; so that, far from being redressed, he re-
mained more than ever exposed to the tyranny of his
oppressors : nay, so notorious is the discouragement of
all those who presume to live independent of court
favour and connections, that one of the gentlemen,
whose friendship Peregrine cultivated, frankly owned
he was in possession of a most romantic place in one
of the provinces, and deeply enamoured of a country
life ; and yet he durst not reside upon his estate, lest,
by slackening in his attendance upon the great, who
honoured him with their protection, he should fall a
prey to some rapacious intendant.
As for the common people, they are so much inured
to the scourge and insolence of power, that every
shabby subaltern, every beggarly cadet of the
noblesse^ every low retainer to the court, insults and
injures them with impunity. A certain ecuyer^ or
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 287
horsedealer, belonging to the king, being one day
under the hands of a barber, who happened to cut the
head of a pimple on his face, he started up, and
drawing his sword, wounded him desperately in the
shoulder. The poor tradesman, hurt as he was, made
an effort to retire, and was followed by this barbarous
assassin, who, not contented with the vengeance he
had taken, plunged his sword a second time into his
body, and killed him on the spot. Having performed
this inhuman exploit, he dressed himself with great
deliberation, and going to Versailles, immediately
obtained a pardon for what he had done ; triumphing
in his brutality with such insolence, that the very next
time he had occasion to be shaved he sat with his
sword ready drawn, in order to repeat the murder in
case the barber should commit the same mistake. Yet,
so tamed are those poor people to subjection, that
when Peregrine mentioned this assassination to his
own trimmer, with expressions of horror and detesta-
tion, the infatuated wretch replied, that without all
doubt it was a misfortune, but it proceeded from the
gentleman's passion; and observed, by way of encomium'A
on the government, that such vivacity is never punished\
in France.
A few days after this outrage was committed, our
youth, who was a professed enemy to all oppression,
being in one of the first loges at the comedy, was
eye-witness of an adventure wliich filled him with
indignation: A tall, ferocious fellow, in the 'pavtevre^
without the least provocation, but prompted by the
mere wantonness of pride, took hold of the hat of a
very decent young man who happened to stand before
him, and twirled it round upon his head. The party
thus offended turned to his aggressor, and civilly asked
the reason of such treatment ; but he received no
288 THE ADVENTURES OF
answer ; and wlien he looked tlie other way, the
insult was repeated, upon which he expressed his
resentment as became a man of spirit, and desired the
offender to walk out with him. No sooner did he thus
signify his intention, than his adversary, swelling with
rage, cocked his hat fiercely in his face, and fixing his
hands in his sides, pronounced, with the most imperious
tone, ' Hark ye, Mr. Round-Periwig, you must know
that I am a mousquetaireJ Scarcely had this awful
word escaped from his lips, when the blood forsook the
lips of the poor challenger, who, with the most abject
submission, begged pardon for his presumption, and
with dif&culty obtained it, on condition that he should
immediately quit the place. Having thus exercised
his authority, he turned to one of his companions, and
with an air of disdainful ridicule, told him he was
like to have had an affair with a bourgeois; adding, by
way of heightening the irony, ' Egad ! I believe he's
' a physician.'
Our hero was so much shocked and irritated at this
licentious behaviour, that he could not suppress his
resentment, which he manifested by saying to this
Hector, ' Sir, a physician may be a man of honour.'
To this remonstrance, which was delivered with a
very significant countenance, the mousquetaire made
no other reply but that of echoing his assertion with
a loud laugh, in which he was joined by his confede-
rates. Peregrine, glowing with resentment, called
him a fanfaron^ and withdrew in expectation of being
followed into the street. The other understood the
hint, and a rencounter must have ensued, had not
the officer of the guard, who overheard what passed,
prevented their meeting by putting the mousqiietaire im-
mediately under arrest. Our young gentleman waited
at the door of the ijarterre until he was informed of
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 280
this interposition, and then went home very much
chagrined at his disappointment ; for he was an utter
stranger to fear and diffidence on those occasions, and
had set his heart upon chastising the insolence of this
bully, who had treated him with such disrespect.
This adventure was not so private but that it
reached the ears of Mr. Jolter by the canal of some
English gentlemen who were present when it hap-
pened; and the governor, who entertained a most
dreadful idea of the mousquetaires^ being alarmed at
a quarrel, the consequence of which might be fatal
to his charge, waited on the British ambassador, and
begged he would take Peregrine under his immediate
protection. His excellency, having heard the circum-
stances of the dispute, sent one of his gentlemen to
invite the youth to dinner ; and after having assured
him that he might depend upon his countenance and
regard, represented the rashness and impetuosity of his
conduct so much to his conviction, that he promised
to act more circumspectly for the future, and drop all
thoughts of the m ousquetair e from that moment.
A few days after he had taken this laudable resolu-
tion. Pipes, who had carried a billet to his mistress,
informed him that he had perceived a laced hat lying
upon a marble slab in her apartment ; and that when
she came out of her chamber to receive the letter, she
appeared in manifest disorder.
From these hints of intelligence our young gentle-
man suspected, or rather made no doubt of her infi-
delity ; and being by this time well nigh cloyed with
possession, was not sorry to find that she had given
him cause to renounce her correspondence. That he
might therefore detect her in the very breach of duty,
and at the same time punish the gallant who had the
presumption to invade his territories, he concerted witli
VOL. III. 19
290 THE ADVENTURES OF
himself a plan, which was executed in this manner:
During his next interview with his Dulcinea, far from
discovering the least sign of jealousy or discontent,
he affected the appearance of exti-aordinary fondness ;
and after having spent the afternoon with the show of
uncommon satisfaction, told her he was engaged in a
party for Fontainbleau, and would set out from Paris
that same evening, so that he should not have the
pleasure of seeing her again for some days.
The lady, who was very well versed in the arts of
her occupation, pretended to receive this piece of news
with great affliction, and conjured him with such
marks of real tenderness to return as soon as possible
to her longing arms, that he went away almost con-
vinced of her sincerity. Determined, however, to pro-
secute his scheme, he actually departed from Paris
with two or three gentlemen of his acquaintance, who
had hired a remise for a jaunt to Versailles; and
having accompanied them as far as the village of Pass^,
returned in the dusk of the evening on foot.
He waited impatiently till midnight, and then arming
himself with a case of pocket-pistols, and attended by
trusty Tom with a cudgel in his hand, repaired to
the lodgings of his suspected inamorata. Having
given Pipes his cue, he knocked gently at the door,
which was no sooner opened by the lackey than he
bolted in before the fellow could recollect himself
from the confusion occasioned by his unexpected ap-
pearance, and leaving Tom to guard the door, ordered
the trembling valet to light him upstairs into his
lady's apartment. The first object that presented itself
to his view, when he entered the ante-chamber, was a
sword upon the table, which he immediately seized,
exclaiming in a loud and menacing voice that his
mistress was false, and then in bed with another
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 21)1
gallant, whom he would instantly put to death. This
declaration, confirmed by many terrible oaths, he
calculated for the hearing of his rival, who, under-
standing his sanguinary purpose, started up in great
trepidation, and, naked as he was, dropped from the
balcony into the street, while Peregrine thundered at
the door for admittance, and guessing his design, gave
him an opportunity of making this precipitate retreat.
Pipes, who stood sentinel at the door, observing the
fugitive descend, attacked him with his cudgel, and
T sweating him from one end of the street to the other,
at last committed him to the guet^ by whom he was
conveyed to the officer on duty in a most disgraceful
and deplorable condition.
Meanwhile, Peregrine having burst open the chamber-
door, found the lady in the utmost dread and conster-
nation, and the spoils of her favourite scattered about
the room ; but his resentment was doubly gratified
when he learned, upon inquiry, that th e person who~j - ;j
had been so disagi'eeably interrupted was no other r"^'
tlmi_that__ individual mousquetaire w:ith jyhom he had J\
quarrelled-at tha come.dy. He upbraided the nymph
with her perfidy and ingratitude, and telling her that
she must not expect the continuance of his regard
or the appointments which she had hitherto enjoyed
from his bounty, went home to his lodgings, overjoyed
at the issue of the adventure.
The soldier, exasperated at the disgrace he had
undergone, as well as at the outrageous insult of the
English valet, whom he believed his master had tutored
for that purpose, no sooner extricated himself from the
opprobrious situation he had incurred, than, breathing
vengeance against the author of the affront, he came
to Peregrine's apartment, and demanded satisfaction
upon the ramparts next morning before sunrise. Our
19—2
292 THE ADVENTURES OF
hero assured him he would not fail to pay his respects
>i to him at the time and place appointed, and foreseeing
that he might be prevented from keeping his engage-
ment by the officious care of his governor, who saw
the mousquetaire come in, he told Mr. Jolter that the
Frenchman had visited him in consequence of an order
he had received from his superiors to make an apology
for his rude behaviour to him in the playhouse, and
that they had parted very good friends. This assur-
ance, together with Pickle's tranquil and unconcerned
behaviour through the day, quieted the terrors which
had begun to take possession of his tutor's imaginatio n,
so that the youth had an opportunity of giving liim
the slip at night when he betook himself to the lodgings
of a friend, whom he engaged as second, and with
whom he immediately took the field in order to avoid
the search which Jolter, upon missing him, might set
on foot.
This was a necessary precaution, for as he did not
appear at supper, and Pipes, who usually attended him
in his excm'sions, could give no account of his motions,
the governor was dreadfully alarmed at his absence,
and ordered his man to run in quest of his master to
all the places which he used to frequent, while he him-
self went to the commissaire^ and communicating his
suspicion, was accommodated with a party of horse-
guards, who patrolled round all the environs of the
city with a view of preventing the rencounter. Pipes
might have directed them to the lady, by whose infor-
mation they could have learnt the name and lodgings
of the mousquetaire^ and if he had been apprehended,
the duel would not have happened; but he did not
choose to run the risk of disobliging his master by in-
termeddling in the affair, and was, moreover, very
deshous that the Frenchman should be humbled ; for
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 293
he never doubted that Peregrine was more than a
match for any two men m France. In this confidence,
therefore, he sought his master, with great diligence,
not with a view of disappointing his intention, but in
order to attend him to the battle, that he might stand
by him, and see justice done.
While this inquiry was carried on, our hero and his
companion concealed themselves among some weeds
that grew on the edge of the parapet, a few yards from
'the spot where he had agreed to meet the mousquetaire^
and scarcely had the morning rendered objects dis-
tinguishable when they perceived their men advancing
boldly to the place. Peregrine, seeing them approach,
sprang forward to the ground that he might have the
glory of anticipating his antagonist, and swords being-
drawn, all fom* were engaged in a twinkling. Pickle's
eagerness had well nigh cost him his life ; for, without
minding his footing, he flew directly to his opposite,
and stumbling over a stone, was womided on one side
of his head before he could recover his attitude. Far
from being dispirited at this check, it served only to
animate him the more ; being endowed with uncommon
agility, he retrieved his posture in a moment, and
having parried a second thrust, returned the lunge
with such incredible speed, that the soldier had not
time to resume his guard, but was immediately run
through the bend of his right arm, and the sword
dropping out of his hand, our hero's victory was
complete.
Having despatched his own business, and received
the acknowledgment of his adversary, who with a
look of infinite ^mortifi cation observed that his was the
fortune of the day, he ran to part the seconds just as
the weapon was twisted out of his companion's hand ;
upon which he took his place, and in all likelihood
294 THE ADVENTURES OP
an obstinate dispute would have ensued, liad they
not been interrupted by the guard, at sight of whom
the two Frenchmen scampered off. Our young gentle-
man and his friend allowed themselves to be taken
prisoners by the detachment which had been sent out
for that purpose, and were carried before the magis-
trate, who, having sharply reprimanded them for pre-
suming to act in contempt of the laws, set them at
liberty, in consideration of their being strangers, cau-
tioning them at the same time to beware of such
exploits for the future.
When Peregrine returned to his lodgings. Pipes
seeing the blood trickling down upon his master's
neckcloth and solitaire, gave evident tokens of sur-
prise and concern, not for the consequences of the
wound, which he did not suppose dangerous, but for
the glory of Old England, which he was afraid had
suffered in the engagement, for he could not help
saying, with an air of chagrin, as he followed the
youth into his chamber, ' I do suppose as how you
' gave that lubberly Frenchman as good as he brought.'
CHAPTER XLI.
Mr. Jolter threatens to leave Mm on account of his mis-
conduct^ which he promises to rectify; hut his resolution
is defeated hy the impetuosity of his passions. He
meets accidentally toith Mrs. Hornheck^ who elopes with
him from her husband^ hut is restored hy the inter-
position of the British ambassador.
Though Mr. Jolter was extremely well pleased at the
safety of his pupil, he could not forgive him for the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 295
terror and anxiety lie had undergone on his account 5
and roundly told him that, notwithstanding the inclina-
tion and attachment he had to his person, he would
immediately depart for England if ever he should hear
of his being involved in such another adventure ; for
it could not be expected that he would sacrifice his
quiet to an unrequited regard for one who seemed
determined to keep him in continual uneasiness and
apprehension.
To this declaration Pickle made answer that Mr.
Jolter, by this time, ought to be convinced of the
attention he had always paid to his ease and satisfac-
tion, since he well knew that he had ever looked upon
him in the light of a fi'iend rather than as a counsellor
or tutor, and desired his company in France with a
view of promoting his interest,^ not for any emolument
he could expect from his instruction. This being the
case, he was at liberty to consult his own inclination
with regard to going or staying ; though he could not
help owning himself obliged by the concern he ex-
pressed for his safety, and would endeavour, for his
own sake, to avoid giving him any cause of disturb-
ance in time to come.
No man was more capable of moralizing upon Pere- ^
grine's misconduct than himself; his reflections were
extremely just and sagacious, and attended with no
other disadvantage but that of occurring too lat^ |He
projected a thousand salutary schemes of deportment,
but, like other projectors, he never had interest enough \/
with the ministry of his passions to bring any one of
them to bearT] He had, in the heyday of his gallantry,
received a letter from his friend Gauntlet, with a kind
postscript from his charming Emilia ; but it arrived at
a very unseasonable juncture, when his iinajgination
was engrossed by conquests that more agreeably
29 G THE ADVENTURES OF
flattered his ambition; so that he could not find
leisure and inclination, from that day, to honour the
correspondence which he himself had solicited. His
vanity had, by this time, disapproved of the engage-
ment he had contracted in the rawness and inexperi-
ence of youth ; suggesting that he was bom to make
such an important figure in life as ought to raise his
ideas above the consideration of any such middling
connections, and fix his attention upon objects of th e
most sublime attraction. These dictates of ridiculous
pride had almost effaced the remembrance of his
amiable mistress, or at least so far warped his morals
and integrity, that he actually began to conceive hopes
of her altogether unworthy of his own character and
her deserts.
Meanwhile, being destitute of a toy for the dalliance
of his idle hours, he employed several spies, and almost
every day made a tour of the public places in person,
with a view of procuring intelligence of Mr. Hornbeck,
with whose wife he longed to have another interview.
In this course of expectation had he exercised himself
a whole fortnight, when, chancing to be at the Hospital
of the Invalids with a gentleman lately arrived from
England, he no sooner entered the church than he
perceived this lady, attended by her spouse, who at the
sight of our hero changed colour, and looked another
way in order to discourage any communication between
them. But the young man, who was not so easily
repulsed, advanced with great assurance to his fellow-
traveller, and taking him by the hand, expressed his
satisfaction at this unexpected meeting ; kindly up-
braiding him for his precipitate retreat from Chantilly.
Before Hornbeck could make any reply, he went up
to his wife, whom he complimented in the same
manner, assuring her with some significant glances he
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 297
was extremely mortified that she had put it out of his
power to pay his respects to her on his first arrival at
Paris ; and then, turning to her husband, who thought
proper to keep close to him in this conference, begged
to know where lie could have the honour of waiting
upon him; observing, at the same time, that he himself
lived a Vacademie de Palfrenier.
Mr. Hornbeck, witliout making any apology for his
elopement on the road, thanked Mr. Pickle for his
complaisance in a very cool and disobliging manner ;
saying, that as he intended to shift his lodgings in a
day or two, he could not expect the pleasure of seeing
him until he should be settled, when he would call at
the academy, and conduct him to his new habitation.
Pickle, who was not unacquainted with the sen-
timents of this jealous gentleman, did not put much
confidence in his promise, and therefore made divers
efforts to enjoy a httle private conversation with his
wife; but he was baf&ed in all his attempts by the
indefatigable vigilance of her keeper, and reaped no
other immediate pleasure from this accidental meeting
than that of a kind squeeze while he handed her into
the coach. However, as he had been witness to some
instances of her invention, and was no stranger to the
favourable disposition of her heart, he entertained some
faint hopes of profiting by her understanding, and was
not deceived in his expectation; for, the very next
forenoon, a Savoyard called at the academy, and put
the following billet in his hand : —
' Coind Sur,
' Heaving the playsure of meating with you at the
' ofspital of anvilheads, I take this lubbertea of latin
' you know, that I lotch at the Jiottail de Mmj cong
' dangle rouy Doghouseten^ with two postis at the gait,
^08 THE ADVENTURES OF
naytheir of um very hole, ware I shall be at the
wmdore, if in kais you will be so good as to pass
that way at sicks a cloak in the heavening, when
Mr. Hornbeck goes to the Calf hay de Contea. Prey
for the loaf of Geesus keep this from the nolegs of
my hussban, ells he will make me leed a hell upon
urth. Being all from, deer Sur,
* Your most umbell servan wile
* Deborah Hornbeck.'
Our young gentleman was ravished at the receipt
of this elegant epistle, which was directed, A Monsr
Monsr PichJiell^ a la Gaddamme de Paul Freny^ and did
not fail to obey the summons at the hour of assigna-
tion ; when the lady, true to her appointment, beckoned
him upstairs, and he had the good fortune to be ad-
mitted unseen.
After the first transports of their mutual joy at
meeting, she told him that her husband had been
very surly and cross ever since the adventure at
Chantilly, which he had not yet digested; that he
had laid severe injunctions upon her to avoid all
commerce with Pickle, and even threatened to shut
her up in a convent for life, if ever she should discover
the least inclination to renew that acquaintance ; that
she had been cooped up in her chamber since her
arrival in Paris, without being permitted to see the
place, or indeed any company, except that of her
landlady, whose language she did not understand ; so
that her spirits being broken, and her health impaired,
he was prevailed upon some days ago to indulge her
in a few airings, during which she had seen the
gardens of the Luxembourg, the Tuileries, and
Palais Royal, though at those times when there was
I
PEBEGRINE PICKLE. ^09
no company in the walks ; and that it was in one of
these excursions she had the happiness of meeting with
him. Finally, she gave him to understand that, rather
than continue longer in such confinement with the man
whom she could not love, she would instantly give him
the slip, and put herself under the protection of her
lover.
Eash and unthinking as this declaration might be,
the young gentleman was so much of a gallant that he
could not baulk the lady's inclinations, and was too
infatuated by his passion to foresee the consequences
of such a dangerous step ; he therefore, without
hesitation, embraced the proposal ; and the coast being
clear, they sallied into the street, where Peregrine,
calling a fiacre^ ordered the coachman to drive them
to a tavern ; but knowing it would not be in his power
to conceal her from the search of the lieutenant de
police if she should remain within the walls of Paris,
he hired a remise^ and carried her that same evening
to Villejuif, about four leagues from town, where he
stayed with her all night : and having boarded her on
a genteel pension and settled the economy of his
future visits, returned next day to his own lodgings.
While he thus enjoyed his success, her husband
'^^ndured the tortures of the damned. When he re-
turned from the coffee-house, and understood that his
wife had eloped, without being perceived by any person
in the family, he began to rave and foam with rage
and jealousy; and in the fury of distraction, accused
the landlady of being an accomplice in her escape,
threatening to complain of her to the commissaire.
The woman could not conceive how Mrs. Hornbeck,
who she knew was an utter stranger to the French
language, and kept no sort of company, could elude
the caution of her husband, and find any refuge in a
300 THE ADVENTURES OF
place where she had no acquaintance, and began to
suspect the lodger's emotion was no other than an
affected passion to conceal his own practices upon his
wife, who had perhaps fallen a sacrifice to his jealous
disposition. She therefore spared him the trouble of
putting his menaces into execution, by going to the
magistrate without any further deliberation, and giving
an account of what she knew concerning this mysterious
affair, with certain insinuations against Hornbeck's
character, which she represented as peevish and
capricious to the last degree.
While she thus anticipated the purpose of the
plaintiff, her information was interrupted by the
arrival of the party himself, who exhibited his com-
plaint with such evident marks of perturbation, anger,
and impatience, that the commissaire could easily
perceive that he had no share in the disappearance
of his wife *, and directed him to the lieutenant de
jpolice^ whose province it is to take cognizance of such
occurrences. This gentleman, who presides over the
city of Paris, having heard the particulars of Horn-
beck's misfortune, asked him if he suspected any
individual person as the seducer of his yoke-fellow;
and when he mentioned Peregrine as the object of
his suspicion, granted a warrant and a detachment of
soldiers, to search for and retrieve the fugitive.
The husband conducted them immediately to the
academy where our hero lodged, and having rum-
maged the whole place to the astonishment of Mr.
Jolter, without finding either his wife or the supposed
ravisher, accompanied them to all the public houses in
the Faubourg; which having examined also without
success, he returned to the magistrate in a state of
despair, and obtained a promise of his making such an
effectual inquiry, that in three days he should have an
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 301
account of her, provided she was alive and within the
walls of Paris.
Our adventurer, who had foreseen all this disturb-
ance, was not at all surprised when his governor told
him what had happened ; and conjured him to restore
the woman to the right owner, with many pathetic
remonstrances touching the heinous sin of adultery,
the distraction of the unfortunate husband, and the
danger of incurring the resentment of an arbitrary
government, which, upon application being made,
would not fail of espousing the cause of the injured.
He denied, with great effrontery, that he had the least
concern in the matter, pretended to resent the deport-
ment of Hornbeck, whom he threatened to chastise for
his scandalous suspicion, and expressed his displeasure
at the credulity of Jolter, who seemed to doubt the
veracity of his asseveration.
Notwithstanding this confident behaviour, Jolter
could not help entertaining doubts of his sincerity ;
and visiting the disconsolate swain, begged he would,
for the honour of his country as well as for the sake
of his own reputation, discontinue his addresses to
the lieutenant de police^ and apply to the British
ambassador, who, by dint of friendly admonitions,
would certainly prevail upon Mr. Pickle to do him
all the justice in his power, if he was really the author
of the injury he had sustained. The governor urged
this advice with the appearance of so much sympathy
and concern, promising to co-operate with all his
influence in his behalf, that Hornbeck embraced the
proposal, communicated his purpose to the magistrate,
who commended the resolution as the most decent and
desirable expedient he could use, and then waited
upon his excellency, who readily espoused his cause,
and sending for the young gentleman that same
302 THE ADVENTURES OF
evening, read him such a lecture in private as extorted
• a confession of the whole affair. Not that he assailed
him with sour and supercilious maxims or severe
rebuke, because he had penetration enough to discern
that Peregrine's disposition was impregnable to all
such attacks ; but he first of all rallied him upon his
intriguing disposition, then in a humorous manner
described the distraction of the poor cuckold, who,
he owned, was justly punished for the absurdity of
his conduct; and, lastly, upon the supposition that it
would be no great effort in Pickle to part with such
a conquest, especially after it had been for some time
possessed, represented the necessity and expediency
of restoring her, not only out of regard to his own
character and that of his nation, but also with a view
to his ease, which would in a little time be very much
invaded by such an encumbrance, that in all pro-
bability would involve him in a thousand difficulties
and disgusts. Besides, he assured him that he was
already, by order of the lieutenant de police^ sur-
rounded with spies, who would watch all his motions,
and immediately discover the retreat in which he had
disposed his prize. These arguments, and the frank
familiar manner in which they were delivered, but
above all, the last consideration, induced the young
gentleman to disclose the whole of his proceedings to
the ambassador, and promised to be governed by his
direction, provided the lady should not suffer for the
step she had taken, but be received by her husband
with due reverence and respect. These stipulations
being agreed to, he undertook to produce her in eight-
and-forty hours ; and taking coach, immediately drove
to the place of her residence, where he spent a whole
day and a night in convincing her of the impossibility
of their enjoying each other in that manner. Tlien,
I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 303
returning to Paris, he delivered her into the hands of
the ambassador, who having assured her that she
might depend upon his friendship and protection, in
case she should find herself aggrieved by the jealous
temper of Mr. Hornbeck, restored her to her legiti-
mate lord, whom he counselled to exempt her from
that restraint which in all probability had been the
cause of her elopement, and endeavour to conciliate
her affection by tender and respectful usage.
The husband behaved with great humility and com-
pliance, protesting that his chief study should be to
contrive parties for her pleasure and satisfaction. But
no sooner did he regain possession of his stray-sheep,
than he locked her up more closely than ever; and
after having revolved various schemes for her reforma-
tion, determined to board her in a convent, under the
inspection of a prudent abbess, who should superin-
tend her morals, and recall her to the paths of virtue
which she had forsaken. With this view he consulted
an English priest of his acquaintance, who advised
him to settle her in a monastery at Lisle, that she
might be as far as possible from the machinations of
her lover ; and gave him a letter of recommendation
to the superior of a certain convent in that place, for
which Mr. Hombeck set out in a few days with his
troublesome charge.
>04 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER XLIL
Peregrine resolves to return to England ; is diverted loitli
the odd characters of two of his countrymen^ ivith whom
he contracts an acqiiaintarice in the apartments of the
Palais Royal,
In the meantime our hero received a letter from hi.s
aunt, importing that the commodore was in a very-
declining way, and longed much to see him at the
garrison ; and at the same time he heard from his ,,
sister, who gave him to understand that the young ^
gentleman, who had for some time made his addresses
to her, was become very pressing in his solicitations ;
so that she wanted to know in what manner she should
answer his repeated entreaties. Those two considera-
tions determined the young gentleman to return to his
native country, a resolution that was far from being
disagreeable to Jolter, who knew that the incumbent
on a living which was in the gift of Trunnion was
extremely old, and that it would be ]iis ^ interest to
be upon the spot at the said incumbent's decease.
Peregrine, who had resided about fifteen months in
France, thought he was now sufficiently qualified for
Q clipsing most of his contemporaries in England, and
therefore prepared for his departure with infinite
alacrity, being moreover inflamed with the most ardent
desire of revisiting his friends, and renewing his con-
nexions, particularly with Emilia, whose heart he, by
this time, thought he Avas able to reduce on ^)own
terms.
As he proposed to make the tour of Flanders and
PEREORTNE PICKLE. 305
Holland in his return to England, he resolved to stay
at Paris a week or two after his affairs were settled, in
hope of finding some agreeable companion disposed
for the same journey ; and in order to refresh his
memory, made a second circuit round all the places in
that capital, where any curious production of art is to
be seen. In the course of this second examination he
chanced to enter the Palais Royal just as two gentle-
men alighted from a fiacre at the gate ; and all three
being admitted at the same time, he soon perceived
that the strangers were of his own country. One of
them was a young man, in whose air and countenance
appeared all the uncouth gravity and supercilious self-
conceit of a physicia n piping-hot from his studies ;
while the other, to whom his companion spoke by the
appellation of Mr. Pallet, displayed at first sight a
strange composition of levity and assurance. Indeed,
their characters, dress, and address, were strongly con-
trasted ; the doctor wore a suit of black, and a huge
tie-wig, neither suitable to his own age nor the fashion
of the country where he then lived ; whereas the other,
though seemingly turned of fifty, strutted in a gay
summer dress of the Parisian cut, with a bag to his
own grey hair, and a red feather in his hat, which he
carried under his arm. As these figures seemed to
promise something entertaining, Pickle entered into
conversation with them immediately, and soon dis- ^ ^(^^
covered that the old gentleman was a painter from c ,iy
London, who had stolen a fortnight from his occupa- -^ \ ^
tion in order to visit the remarkable paintings of France . g<^
and Flanders ; and that the doctor had taken the
opportunity of accompanying him in his tour. Being
extremely talkative, he not only communicated these
particulars to our hero in a very few minutes after
their meeting, but also took occasion to whisper in his
VOL. HI. 20
306 THE ADVENTURES OF
ear that his fellow-traveller was a man of vast learning,
and, beyond all doubt, the greatest poet of the age.
/ As for himself, he was under no necessity of making
I his own eulogium, for he soon gave such specimens
of his taste and talents as left Pickle no room to doubt
of his capacity.
While they stood considering the pic-tures in one of
the first apartments, which are by no means the most
masterly compositions, the Swiss, who sets up for a
connoisseur, looking at a certain piece, pronounced the
word magnifique ! with a note of admiration ; upon
which Mr. Pallet, who was not at all a critic in the
French language, replied, with great vivacity, '•Manufac^
' you mean, and a very indifferent piece of manufacture
' it is. Pray, gentlemen, take notice, there is no keeping
' in those heads upon the background, and no relief in
' the principal figure ; then you'll observe the shadings
' are harsh to the last degree ; and come a little closer
' this way, don't you perceive that the fore-shortening
' of that arm is monstrous. Egad, sir ! there is an abso-
' lute fracture in the limb ! Doctor, you understand
' anatomy, don't you think that muscle evidently mis-
' placed ? ' ' Hark ye, Mr. What-d'ye-call-um,' turning
to the attendant, ' what is the name of the dauber who
' painted that miserable performance ? ' The Swiss,
imagining that he was all this time expressing his
satisfaction, sanctioned his supposed commendation by
exclaiming sa?2S j9n'a?. 'Eight,' cried Pallet, ' I could
' not recollect his name, though his manner is quite
' familiar to me. We have a few pieces in England,
' done by that same Sangpree, but there they are in no
' estimation ; we have more taste among us than to
' relish the productions of such a miserable gout A'nt
' he an ignorant coxcomb, doctor ? ' The physician,
ashamed of his companion's blunder, thought it was
PEREGBINE PICKLE. 307
necessary, for tlie honour of his own character, to take
notice of it before the stranger, and therefore answered
his question by repeating this line from Horace —
Mutato nomine, de te fabula narratur.
The painter, who was rather more ignorant of Latin
than of French, taking it for granted that this quota-
tion of his friend conveyed an assent to his opinion,
' Very true,' said he, ' Potatoe domine date^ this piece
' is not worth a single potatoe.' Peregrine was
astonished at this surprising perversion of the words
and meaning of a Latin line, which, at first, he could
not help thinking was a premeditated joke; but, upon
second thoughts, he saw no reason to doubt that it was
the extemporaneous effect of sheer pertness and igno-
rance, at wbich he hroke out into an immoderate fit of
Jnnghter. Pallet, believing that the gentleman's mirth
was occasioned by his arch animadversion upon the
work of Sangpree, underwent the same emotion in a
much louder strain, and endeavoured to heighten the
jest by more observations of the same nature; while
the doctor, confounded at his impudence and want
of knowledge, reprimanded him in these words of
Homer —
Siga me tis alios Aclaaion touton akouse muthon.
This rebuke, the reader will easily perceive, was not
calculated for the meridian of his friend's intellects,
but uttered with a view of raising his own character in
the opinion of Mr. Pickle, who retorted this parade of
learning in three verses from the same author, being
part of the speech of Polydamus to Hector, importing
that it is impossible for one man to excel in every-
thing. The self-sufficient physician, who did not
20—2
308 THE ADVENTURES OF
expect such a repartee from a youth of Peregrine's
appearance, looked upon his reply as a fair challenge,
and instantly rehearsed forty or fifty lines of the Iliad
in a breath.^ Observing that the stranger made no
effort to match this effusion, he interpreted his silence
into submission ; then, in order to ascertain his victory
insulted him with divers fragments of authors, whom
his supposed competitor did not even know by name ;
while Mr. Pallet stared with admiration at the pro-
found scholarship of his companion. Our _young
gentleman, far from^repining at this superiority,
l aughe d within himself at the ridiculous ambition of
the pedantic doctov. He rated him in his own mind
aslTmere index-hunter, who held the eel of science by
the tail, and foresaw an infinite fund of diversion in his
solemnity and pride, if properly extracted by means of
his fellow-traveller's vanity and assurance. Prompted
by these considerations, he resolved to cultivate their
acquaintance, and, if possible, amuse himself at their
expense in his journey through Flanders, understanding
that they were determined upon the same route. In
this view he treated them with extraordinary attention,
and seemed to pay particular deference to the remarks
of the painter, who, with great intrepidity, pronounced
judgment upon every picture in the palace, or, in other
words, exposed his own nakedness in every sentence
that proceeded from his mouth.
When they came to consider the murder of the
innocents, by Le Brun, the Swiss observed that it was
un beau morceau ; and Mr. Pallet replied, ' Yes, yes ;
' one may see with half an eye that it can be the pro-
' duction of no other ; for Bomorso's style, both in
' colouring and drapery, is altogether peculiar ; then
' his design is tame, and his expression antic and
^unnatural. Doctor, you have seen my Judgment of
I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 309
' Solomon. I think I may without presumption — but I
' don't choose to make comparisons ; I leave that odious
' talk to other people, and let my works speak for them-
' selves. France, to be sure, is rich in the arts, but
' what is the reason ? The king encourages men of ^-enius
' with honour and rewards: whereas, in England, we are
' obliged to stand upon our own feet, and combat the
' envy and malice of our brethren. Egad ! I have a good
' mind to come and settle here in Paris. I should like to
' have an apartment in the Louvre, with a snug pension of
' so many thousand livres.' In this manner did Pallet
proceed with an eternal rotation of tongue, floundering
from one mistake to another, until it was the turn of
Poussin's Seven Sacraments to be examined. Here
again the Swiss, out of the abundance of his zeal,
expressed his admiration by saying these pieces were
impayable; when the painter, turning to him with an
air of exultation, ' Pardon me, friend, there you happen
' to be in a mistake ; these are none of Impayable's
' but done by Nicolas Pouseen. I have seen prints of
' them in England, so thdt none of your tricks upon
' travellers, Mr. Swiss or Swash, or what's-your-name.'
He was very much elated by this imaginary triumph
of his understanding, which animated him to persevere
in his curious observations upon all the other pieces of
that celebrated collection ; but perceiving that the
doctor manifested no signs of pleasure and satisfaction,
but rather beheld them with a silent air of disdain,
he could not digest his indifference, and asked, with
a waggish sneer, if ever he had seen such a number
of masterpieces before? The physician, eyeing him
with a look of compassion mingled with contempt,
observed that there was nothing tliere which deserved
the attention of any person acquainted with the ideas
of the ancients, and that the author of the finest piece
310 THE ADVENTURES OF
now in being was unworthy to clean tlie brushes of
one of those great masters who are celebrated by the
Greek and Eoman writers. ' lud ! lud ! ' ex-
claimed the painter, with a loud laugh, ' you have
' fairly brought yourself into a dilemma at last, dear
' doctor, for it is well known that your ancient Greek
' and Eoman artists knew nothing at all of the matter
* in comparison with our modern masters, for this good
* reason, because they had but three or four colours,
' and knew not how to paint with oil ; besides, which
' of all your old fusty Grecians would you put upon a
* footing with the divine Eaphael, the most excellent
' Michael Angelo Bona Eoti, the graceful Guido, the
' bewitching Titian, and, above all others, the sublime
' Eubens, the ' He would have proceeded with a
long catalogue of names which he had got by heart
for the purpose, without retaining the least idea of
their several qualifications, had not he been interrupted
by his friend, whose indignation being kindled by the
irreverence with which he mentioned the Greeks, he
called him blasphemer, Goth, Boeotian, and, in his
turn, asked, with great vehemence, which of those
puny moderns could match with Panaenus of Athens,
and his brother Phidias, Polycletus of Sicyon, Poly-
gnotus the Thracian, Parrhasius of Ephesus, surnamed
Abrodiaitos, or the Beau, and Apelles, the prince of
painters ? He challenged him to show any portrait
of these days that could vie with the Helen of Zeuxis
the Heraclean, or any composition equal to the ' Sacri-
fice of Iphigenia,' by Timanthes the Sicyonian ; not to
mention the twelve gods of Asclepiadorus the Athenian,
for which Mnason, tyrant of Elatea, gave him about
three hundred pounds a piece; or Homer's Hell, by
Nicias, who refused sixty talents, amounting to upwards
of eleven thousand pounds, and generously made a
I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 311
present of it to his own country. He desired him to
produce a collection equal to that in the Temple of
Delphos, mentioned in the ' Ion ' of Euripides, where
Hercules and his companion lolaus are represented in
the act of killing the Lerna3an hydra with golden
sickles, kruseais harpais^ where Bellerophon appears
on his winged steed, vanquishing the fire-breathing
chimera, tan puripneviisan ; and the war of the giants
is described. Here Jupiter stands wielding the red-
hot thunder-bolts, Keraunon ampMpu7'on ; there Pallas
dreadful to the view, Gorgopon^ brandisheth her spear
against the huge Enceladus ; and Bacchus, with slender
ivy rods, defeats and slays the ges tehnoji^ or mighty
son of earth. The painter was astonished and con- •
founded at this rhapsody of names and instances, which
was uttered with surprising eagerness and rapidity ;
suspecting at first that the whole was the creation of
his brain; but when Pickle, with a view of fla ttering!
tlie doctor's self-conceit, espoused his side__of the I
question, and confirmed the truth of everything he-*
advanced, Mr. Pallet changed his opinion, and in
emphatic silence adored the immensity of his friend's
understanding. In short. Peregrine easily perceived
that they were false enthusiasts, without the smallest
pretensions to taste and sensibility, and pretended to
be in raptures with they knew not what; the one
thinking it was incumbent upon him to express trans-
ports on seeing the works of those who had been
most eminent in his profession, whether they did or
did not really raise his admiration ; and the other as
a scholar deeming it his duty to magnify the ancients ^
above all competition, with an affected fervour which
the knowledge^of their excellences jie ver in spired.
Indeed, our young gentleman so successfully accom-
modated himself to the dispositions of each, that long
312 THE ADVENTURES OF
before their review was finished, he was become a
particular favourite with both.
From the Palais Royal he accompanied them to the
cloisters of the Carthusians, where they considered the
history of St. Bruno, by Le Sueur, whose name being
utterly unknown to the painter, he gave judgment
against the whole composition, as pitiful and paltry ;
though in the opinion of all good judges it is a most
masterly performance.
Having satisfied their curiosity in this place. Pere-
grine asked them to favour him with their company
at dinner; but, whether out of caution against the
insinuations of one whose character they did not know,
or by reason of a prior engagement, they declined
his invitation on pretence of having an appointment
at a certain ordinary, though they expressed a desire
of being further acquainted with him ; and Mr. Pallet
took the freedom of asking his name, which he not
only declared, but promised, as they were strangers in
Paris, to wait upon them next day in the forenoon,
in order to conduct them to the Hotel de Toulouse,
and the houses of several other noblemen, remarkable
for painting or curious furniture. They thankfully
embraced his proposal, and that same day made
inquiry among the English gentlemen about the cha-
racter of our hero, which they found so much to their
satisfaction, that upon their second meeting, they
courted his good graces without reserve ; and as they
had heard of his intended departure, begged earnestly
to have the honour of accompanying him through
the Low Countries. He assured them that nothing
could be more agreeable to him than the prospect of
having such fellow-travellers; and they immediately
appointed a day for setting out on that tour.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 313
CHAPTER XLIIT.
He introduces his new friends to Mr. Jolter.^ with lohom
the doctor enters into a disjyute upon govemmfient.,
which had well-nigh terminated in open war.
Meanwhile, he not only made them acquainted with
everythmg worth seeing in town, but attended them
in their excursions to all the king's houses within a
day's journey of Paris ; and in the course of these
parties, treated them with an elegant dinner at his
own apartments, where a dispute arose between the
doctor and Mr. Jolter, which had well-nigh terminated
in an iiTcconcilable animosity. These gentlemen,
with an equal share of pride, pedantry, and saturnine
disposition, were by the accidents of education and
company diametrically opposite in political maxims;
the one, as we have already observed, being a bigoted
High Churchman, and the other a rank Republican. It
was an article of the governor's creed, that the people
could not be happy, nor the earth yield its fruits in
abundance, under a restricted clergy and limited
government: whereas, in the doctor's opinion, it was
an eternal truth, that no constitution was so perfect
as the democracy, and that no country could flourish
but under the administration of the mob.
These considerations being premised, no wonder that
they happened to disagi'ee in the freedom of an un-
reserved conversation, especially as their entertainer
took all opportunities of encouraging and inflaming
the contention. The first source of their difference was
an unlucky remark of the painter, who observed that
314
THE ADVENTURES OF
f
tlie partridge, of wliich he was then eating, had the
finest relish of any he had ever tasted. His friend
owned that the birds were the best of the kind he had
seen in France ; but affirmed that they were neither so
plump nor delicious as those that were caught in
England. The governor, considering this observation
as the effect of prejudice and inexperience, said, with a
sarcastic smile, ' I believe, sir, you are very well dis-
posed to find everything here inferior to the produc-
tions of your own country.' ' True, sir,' answered
the physician, with a certain solemnity of aspect ; ' and
not without good reason, I hope.' ' And pray,' re-
sumed the tutor, ' why may not the partridges of
France be as good as those of England ? ' ' For a
very plain reason,' replied the other, ' because they
are not so well fed. The iron hand of oppression is
extended to all animals within the French dominions,
even to the beasts of the field and the fowls of the
air. Kunessin oionoisi te pasiJ ' Egad ! ' cried the
painter, ' that is a truth not to be controverted ; for
my own part, I am none of your tit-bits, one would
think, but yet there's a freshness in the English
complexion, a ginseehye^ I think you call it, so in-
viting to a hungry Frenchman, that I have caught
several in the very act of viewing me with an eye
of extreme appetite as I passed ; and as for their
curs, or rather their wolves, whenever I set eyes on
one of 'em. Ah ! your humble servant, Mr. Son-of-a-
bitch, I am upon my guard in an instant. The
doctor can testify that their very horses, or more
properly, their live carrion, that drew our chaise,
used to reach back their long necks and smell at us
as a couple of delicious morsels.' This sally of Mr.
Pallet, which was received with a general laugh of
approbation, would, in all probability, have stifled
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 315
the dispute in embrjn^ had not Mr. Jolter, with a
self-applauding simper, ironically complimented the
strangers on their talking like true Englishmen. The
doctor, affronted at the insinuation, told him, with
some warmth, that he was wrong in his conjecture,
his affections and ideas being confined to no particular
country, for he considered himself as a citizen of the
world. He owned himself more attached to England
than to any other kingdom, but this preference was the
effect of reflection, and not of prejudice; because the
British constitution approached nearer than any other
to that perfection of government, the democracy of
Athens, which he hoped one day to see revived : he
mentioned the death of Charles I., and the expul-
sion of his son, with raptures of applause, inveighed
with great acrimony against the kingly name ; and, in
order to strengthen his opinion, repeated forty or fifty
lines from one of the Philippics of Demosthenes.
Jolter, hearing him speak so disrespectfully of the
higher powers, glowed with indignation. He said his
doctrines were detestable and destructive of all right,
order, and society ; that monarchy was of divine insti-
tution, therefore indefeasible by any human power ;
and of consequence those events in the English history,
which he had so liberally commended, were no other
tlian flagrant instances of sacrilege, perfidy, and sedi-
tion ; that the democracy of Athens was a most absurd
constitution, productive of anarchy and mischief, which
must always happen when the government of a nation
depends upon the caprice of the ignorant hair-brained
vulgar ; that it was in the power of the most profligate
member of the commonwealth, provided he was en-
dowed with eloquence, to ruin the most deserving, by
a desperate exertion of his talents upon the populace,
who had been often persuaded to act m the most
316 THE ADVENTURES OF
ungrateful and imprudent manner against tlie greatest
patriots that their country had produced ; and finally,
he averred that the liberal arts and sciences had never
flourished so much in a republic as under the encou-
ragement and protection of absolute power; witness
the Augustan age, and the reign of Lewis XIV. ;
nor was it to be supposed that genius and merit
could ever be so amply recompensed by the indi-
viduals or distracted councils of a commonwealth as
\ by the generosity and magnificence of one who had
the whole treasury at his command.
Peregrine, who was pleased to find the contest gi'ow
warm, observed that there seemed to be a good deal of
truth in what Mr. Jolter advanced; and the painter,
whose opinion began to waver, looked with a face of
expectation at his friend, who, modelling his features
into an expression of exulting disdain, asked of his
antagonist, if he did not think that very power of
rewarding merit enabled an absolute prince to indulge
himself in the most arbitrary licence over the lives
and fortunes of his people ? Before the governor had
time to answer this question. Pallet broke forth into an
exclamation of ' By the Lord ! that is certainly fact ;
' egad ! that was a home-thrust, doctor.' When Mr.
Jolter, chastising this shallow intruder with a con-
temptuous look, affirmed that, though supreme power
furnished a good prince with the means of exerting his
virtues, it would not support a tyrant in the exercise of
cruelty and oppression ; because in all nations the
genius of the people must be consulted by their
governors, and the burden proportioned to the shoul-
ders on which it is laid. ' Else, what follows ? ' said
the physician. ' The consequence is plain,' replied
the governor, ' insurrection, revolt, and his own de-
* struction; for it is not to be supposed that the subjects
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 317
' of any nation would be so abject and pusillanimous , .
' as to neglect tlie means which heaven hath put in'l ^^ijr
' their power for their own preservation.' ' Gadzooks!
' you're in the right, sir,' cried Pallet, ' that I grant
' you must be confessed. Doctor, I'm afraid we have
' got into the wrong box.' This son of Pa^an, how-
ever, far from being of his friend's opinion, observed,
with an air of triumph, that he would not only demon-
strate the sophistry of the gentleman's last allegation,
by argument and facts, but even confute him with his
own words. Jolter's eyes kindling at this presump-
tuous declaration, he told his antagonist, while his lip
quivered with resentment, that if his arguments were
no better than his breeding, he was sure he would^'
make very few converts to his opinion ; and the doctor, i
with all the insolence of triumph, advised him to be-
ware of disputes for the future, until he should have ■
made himself more master of his subject.
Peregrine both wished and hoped to see the dispu-
tants proceed to arguments of more weight and con-
viction ; and the painter, dreading the same issue,
interposed with the usual exclamation of ' For God's
' sake, gentlemen ! ' when the governor rose from table
in great dudgeon, and left the room, muttering some
ejaculation, of which the word coxcomb only could be
distinctly heard. The physician being th ysleft master nt^
of the field of ba ttle, was complimented on his victory
by Peregrine, and so elevated by his success, that he
declaimed a full hour on the absurdity of Jolter's
proposition and the beauty of the democratic admi-
nistration; canvassed the whole scheme of Plato's
republic, with many quotations from that ideal author,
touching the to koXov ; thence he made a transition to
the moral sense of Shaftesbury, and concluded his
harangue with the greatest part of that frothy writer's
318 THE ADVENTURES OF
rhapsody, wliich lie repeated with all the violence of
enthusiastic agitation ; to the unspeakable satisfaction
of his entertainer, and the unutterable admiration of
Pallet, who looked upon him as something supernatural
and divine. So intoxicated was this vain young man
with the ironical praises of Pickle, that he forthwith
shook off all reserve, and having professed a friendship
for our hero, whose taste and learning he did not fail
to extol, intimated in plain terms that he was the only
person in these latter ages who possessed that sublime
genius, that portion of the divinity, or Ti Theion,
which immortalized the Grecian poets ; that as Pytha-
goras affirmed the spirit of Euphorbus had trans-
migrated into his body, he, the doctor, was strangely
possessed with the opinion that he himself was inspired
by the soul of Pindar ; because making allowance for
the difference of languages in which they wrote, there
was a surprising affinity between his own works and
those of that celebrated Theban ; and as a confirmation
of this truth, he immediately produced a sample of
each, which, though in spirit and versification as
different as the Odes of Horace and our present poet
laureate, Peregrine did not scruple to pronounce alto-
gether congenial 5 notwithstanding the violence he by
this sentence offered to his own conscience, and a cer-
tain alarm of his pride, that was weak enough to be
disturbed by the physician's ridiculous vanity and pre-
sumption, which, not contented with displaying his im-
portance in the world of taste and polite literature,
manifested itself in arrosj'atino; certain material dis-
coveries in the province of physic, which could not fail
to advance him to the highest pinnacle of that profes-
sion, considering the recommendation of his other
talents, together with a liberal fortune which he in-
herited from his father.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 319
CHAPTER XLIV.
TJie doctor prepares an entertainment in the manner of
the ancients., ivhich is attended loith divers ridiculous
circumstances.
In a word, our young gentleman, by his insinuating
behaviour, acquired the full confidence of the doctor,
who invited him to an entertainment, which he intended
to prepare in the manner of the ancients. Pickle, struck
with this idea, eagerly embraced the proposal, which
he honoured with many encomiums, as a plan in all
respects worthy of his genius and apprehension ; and
the day was appointed at some distance of time, that
the treater might have leisure to compose certain
pickles and confections which were not to be found
among the culinary preparations of these degenerate
days.
With a view of rendering the physician's taste more
conspicuous, and extracting from it the more diversion,
Peregrine proposed that some foreigners should partake
of the banquet ; and the task being left to his care and
discretion, he actually bespoke the company of a
French marquis, an Italian count, and a German
baron, whom he knew to be egregious coxcombs, and
therefore more likely to enhance the joy of tlie enter-
tainment.
Accordingly, the hour being arrived, he conducted
them to the hotel where the physician lodged, after
having regaled their expectations with an elegant meal
in the genuine old Roman taste ; and they were re-
320 THE ADVENTURES OF
ceived by Mr. Pallet, who did tlie honour of the house,
while his friend superintended the cook below. By this
communicative painter the guests understood that the
doctor had met with numerous difficulties in the exe-
cution of his design ; that no fewer than five cooks had
been dismissed, because they could not prevail on
their consciences to obey his directions in things that
were contrary to the present practice of their art ; and
that, although he had at last engaged a person, by an
extraordinary premium, to comply with his orders, the
fellow was so astonished, mortified, and incensed at
the commands that he had received, that his hair stood
on end, and he begged on his knees to be released from
the agreement he had made; but finding that his
employer insisted upon the performance of his con-
tract, and threatened to introduce him to the commis-
saire if he should flinch from the bargain, he had, in
the discharge of his office, wept, sang, cursed, and
capered for two whole hours without intermission.
While the company listened to this odd information,
by which they were prepossessed with strange notions
of the dinner, their ears were invaded by a piteous
voice, that exclaimed, in FrencJi, ' For the love of
' God ! dear sir ! for the passion of Jesus Christ !
^ ' spare me the mojjifiiia±i.on of the honey and oil ! '
Their ears still vibrated with the sound when the
doctor, entering, was by Peregrine made acquainted
with the strangers, to whom he, in the transports of his
wrath, could not help complaining of the want of com-
plaisance he had found in the Parisian vulgar, by
which his plan had been almost entirely ruined and set
aside. The French marquis, who thought the honour
of his nation was concerned at this declaration, pro-
fessed his sorrow for what had happened, so contrarv to
the established character of the people, and undertook
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 321
to see the delinquents severely punished, provided he
could be informed of their names or places of abode.
The mutual compliments that passed on this occasion
were scarcely finished, when a servant coming into the
room, announced dinner ; and the entertainer led the
way into another apartment, where they found a long
table, or rather two boards joined together, and fur-
nished with a variety of dishes, the steams of which
had such evident effect upon the nerves of the company ,( V ©n^^^
that th e marquis mad e frightful grimaces under pre-
ten ce of jtaking snuff; the Italian's eyes watered; the
German's visage underwent several distortions of
features ; our hero found means to exclude the odour
from his sense of smelling by breathing only through
his mouth ; and the poor painter, running into another
room, plugged his nostrils with tobacco. The doctor
himself, who was the only person then present whose
organs were not discomposed, pointing to a couple of
couches placed on each side of the table, told his guests
that he was sorry he could not procure the exact
triclinia of the ancients, which were somewhat different
from these conveniences, and desired they would have
the goodness to repose themselves without ceremony,
each on his respective couchette^ while he and his
friend Mr. Pallet would place themselves upright at
the ends, that they might have the pleasm-e of serving
those that lay along. This disposition, of which the
strangers had no previous idea, disconcerted and per-
plexed them in a most ridiculous manner; the marquis
and baron stood bowing to each other, on pretence of
disputing the lower seat, but in reality with a view of
profiting by the example of one another ; for neither
of them understood the manner in which they were
to loll ; and Peregrine, who enjoyed their confusion,
handed the count to the other side, where, with the
VOL. III. 21
322 THE ADVENTURES OF
most mischievous politeness, he insisted upon his taking
possession of the upper place.
Li this disagreeable and ludicrous suspense, they
continued acting a pantomime of gesticulations, until
the doctor earnestly entreated them to waive all com-
pliment and form, lest the dinner should be spoiled
before the ceremonial could be adjusted. Thus con-
jured, Peregrine took the lower couch" on the left-
hand side, laying himself gently down, with his face
towards the table. The marquis, in imitation of this
pattern (though he would have much rather fasted
three days than run the risk of discomposing his dress
by such an attitude), stretched himself upon the oppo-
site place, reclining upon his elbow in a most painful
and awkward situation, with his head raised above
the end of the couch, that the economy of his hair
might not suffer by the projection of his body. The
Italian, being a thin limber creature, planted himself
next to Pickle, without sustaining any misfortune but
that of his stocking being torn by a ragged nail of
the seat as he raised his legs on a level with the rest
of his limbs. But the baron, who was neither so
wieldy nor supple in his joints as his companions,
flounced himself down with such precipitation, that his
feet suddenly tilting up came in furious contact with the
head of the marquis, and demolished every curl in a
twinkling, while his own skull, at the same instant,
descended upon the side of his couch with such
violence, that his periwig was struck off, and the whole
room filled with pulvilio.
The drollery of distress that attended this disaster
entirely vanquished the affected gravity of our young
gentleman, who was obliged to suj^press his laughter
by cramming his handkerchief in his mouth ; for the
bareheaded German asked pardon with such ridiculous
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 323
confusion, and the marquis admitted Lis apology with
such rueful complaisance, as were sufficient to awaken
the mirth of a quietist.
This misfortune being repaired as well as the cir-
cumstances of the occasion would permit, and every-
one settled according to the arrangement already
described, the doctor graciously undertook to give some
account of the dishes as they occmTed, that the com-
pany might be directed in their choice ; and with an
air of infinite satisfaction thus began : — ' This here,
gentlemen, is a boiled goose, served np in a sauce
composed of pepper, lovage, coriander, mint, rue,
anchovies, and oil ! I wish for your sakes, gentle-
men, it was one of the geese of Ferrara, so much
celebrated among the ancients for the magnitude of
their livers, one of which is said to have weighed
two pounds; with this food, exquisite as it was, did
the tyrant Heliogabalus regale his hounds. But I
beg pardon, I had almost forgot the soup, which I
hear is so necessary an article at all tables in France.
At each end there are dishes of the salacacabia
of the Eomans ; one is made of parsley, pennyroyal,
cheese, pine-tops, honey, vinegar, brine, eggs, cu-
cumbers, onions, and hen-livers; the other is much
the same as the soup maigre of this country. Then
there is a loin of veal boiled with fennel and caraway-
seed, on a pottage composed of [picklcj^ oil, honey,
and flour, and a curious hachis oFme lights, liver,
and blood of a hare, together with a dish of roasted
pigeons. Monsieur le Baron, shall I help you to
a plate of this soup?' The German, who did not
at all disapprove of the ingredients, assented to the
proposal, and seemed to relish the composition ; while
the marquis, being asked by the painter which of the
silly -kickahies he chose, was in consequence of his
21—2
324 THE ADVENTURES OF
desire accommodated with a portion of tlie soup
maigre; and the count, in lieu of spoon-meat, of
which he said he was no great admirer, supplied him-
self with a pigeon, therein conforming to the choice
of our young gentleman, whose example he deter-
mined to follow through the whole course of the
entertainment.
The Frenchman, having swallowed the first spoon-
ful, made a full pause, his throat swelled as if an Qgg
had stuck in his gullet, his e yes rolled^ and his mouth
underwent a series of invx)luntarj_contractions and
dilatations. Pallet, who looked stedfastly at this con-
noisseur, with a view of consulting his taste before he
himself would venture upon the soup, began to be dis-
turbed at these emotions, and observed, with some
concern, that the poor gentleman seemed to be going
into a fit ; when Peregrine assured him that these were
symptoms ot ecstasy, and, for further confirmation,
asked the marquis how he found the soup. It was
with infinite difficulty that his complaisance could so
far master his disgust as to enable him to answer,
' Altogether excellent, upon my honour ! ' And the
painter, being ce rtifi ed of his approbation, lifted the
spoon to his mouth without scruple ; but far from
justifying the eulogium of his taster, when this precious
composition diffused itself upon his palate, he seemed
to be deprived of all sense and motion, and sat like the
leaden statue of some^iyeivgod, with the liquor flowing
out at both sides of his mouth.
The doctor, alarmed at this indecent phenomenon,
earnestly inquired into the cause of it ; and when
Pallet recovered his recollection, and swore that he
would rather swallow porridge made of burning brim-
stone than such an infernal mess as that which he had
tasted, the physician, in his own vindication, assured
I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 325
the company that, except the usual mgTeclIents, he had
mixed nothmg in the soup but some sal ammoniac
instead of the ancient nitrum, which could not now be
procured ; and appealed to the marquis, whether such
a succedaneum was not an improvement on the whole.
The unfortunate petit-mcdtre^ driven to the extremity
of his condescension, acknowledged it to be a masterly
refinement ; and deeming* himself obliged, in point of
honour, to evince his sentiments by his practice, forced
a few more mouthfuls of this disagreeable potion down
his throat, till his stomach was so much offended that he
was compelled to start up on a sudden, and, in the
hurry of his elevation, overturned his plate into the
bosom of the baron. The emergency of his occasions
would not permit him to stay and make apologies for
this abrupt behaviour*, so that he flew into another
apartment, where Pickle found him puking, and
crossing himself with great devotion ; and a chair at
his desire being brought to the door, he slipped into it
more dead than alive, conjuring his friend Pickle to
make his peace with the company, and in particular to
excuse him to the baron, on account of the violent fit
of illness with which he had been seized. It was not
without reason that he employed a mediator ; for,
when our hero returned to the dining-room, the
German got up, and was under the hands of his own
lackey, who wiped the grease from a rich embroidered
waistcoat, while he, almost frantic with his misfortune,
stamped upon the ground, and in high Dutch cursed
the unlucky banquet and the impertinent entertainer,
who, all this time, with great deliberation, consoled
him for the disaster, by assuring him that the damage
might be repaired with some oil of turpentine and a hot
iron. Peregrine, who could scarcely refrain from
laughing in his face, appeased his indignation by
326 THE ADVENTURES OF
telling liim how mucli tlie wliole company, and espe-
cially the marquis, was m_ortifiecl at the accident ; and
the unhappy salacacabia being removed, the places
were filled with two pies, one of dormice liquored with
syrup of white poppies, which the doctor had substi-
tuted in the room of toasted poppy-seed, formerly eaten
with honey, as dessert ; and the other composed of a
hock of pork baked in honey.
Pallet, hearing the first of these dishes described,
lifted up his hands and eyes, and with signs of loath-
ing and amazement, pronounced, ' A pie made of dor-
' mice and syrup of poppies ; Lord in heaven ! what'l'
' beastly fellows those Komans were ! ' His friend J
checked him for his irreverent exclamation with a
severe look, and recommended the veal, of which he
himself cheerfully ate, with such encomiums to the
company, that the baron resolved to imitate his ex-
ample, after having called for a bumper of Burgundy,
which the physician, for his sake, wished to have been
the true wine of Falernum. The painter, seeing nothing
else upon the table which he would venture to touch,
made a merit of necessity, and had recourse to the veal
also, although he could not help saying that he would
[not give one slice of the roast beef of Old England for
call the dainties of a Eoman emperor's table. But all
the doctor's invitations and assurances could not pre-
vail upon his guests to honour the hachis and the
goose ; and that course was succeeded by another, in
which he told them were divers of those dishes which
among the ancients had obtained the appellation of
politeles^ or magnificent. ' That which smokes in the
' middle,' said he, ' is a sow's stomach, filled with a
' composition of minced pork, hog's brains, eggs,
' pepper, cloves, garlic, annlseed, rue, ginger, oil,
' wine, and pickle. On the right-hand side are the
PEREGRINE PICKL'E. S27
' teats and belly of a sow just farrowed, fried with
' sweet wine, oil, flour, lovage, and pepper. On the
' left is a fricassee of snails, fed, or rather purged,
' with milk. At that end next ]\Ir. Pallet are fritters
' of pompions, lovage, origanum, and oil ; and here are
' a couple of pullets, roasted and stuffed in the manner
' of Appicius.'
The painter, who had by wry faces testjfigd his
abhorrence of the sow's stomach, which he compared
to a bagpipe, and the snails which had undergone
purgation, no sooner heard him mention the roasted
pullets than he eagerly solicited a wing of the fowl ;
upon which the doctor desired he would take the
ti'ouble of cutting them up, and accordingly sent them
round, while Mr. Pallet tucked the tablecloth under
his chin, and brandished his knife and fork with
singular address; but scarcely were they set down
before him, when the tears ran down his cheeks, and
he called aloud, in manifest disorder, ' Zounds, this is
' the essence of a whole bed of garlic ! ' That he
might not, however, disappoint or disgrace the enter-
tainer, he applied the instruments to one of the birds ;
and when he opened up the cavity, was assaulted by X
such an irruption of intolerable smells, that, without
staying to disengage himself from the cloth, he sprang
away, with an exclamation of ' Lord Jesus ! ' and in-
volved the whole table in havoc, ruin, and confusion.
Before Pickle could accomplish his escape he was
sauced with the syrup of the dormouse pie, which
went to pieces in the general wreck ; and as for the
Italian count, he was overwhelmed by the sow's
stomach, which, bursting in the fall, discharged its
contents upon his leg and thigh, and scalded him so
miserably, that he shri eked with^ anguish, and grinned
with a m o.5t_ ghastly^ndji orrible aspe ct.
328 THE ADVENTURES OF
The baron, wlio sat secure without the vortex of this
tumult, was not at all displeased at seeing his com-
panions involved in such a calamity as that which he
had already shared; but the doctor was confounded
with shame and vexation. After having prescribed
an application of oil to the count's leg, he expressed
his sorrow for the misadvent ure, which he openly
ascribed to want of taste and prudence in the painter,
who did not think proper to return and make an
apology in person; and protested that there was
nothing in the fowls which could give offence to a
sensible nose, the stuffing being a mixture of pepper,
lovage, and assafcetida, and the sauce consisting of
wine and herring'fcickl^ which he had used instead of
the celebrated garum ^of the Komans ; that famous
V pickle having been prepared sometimes of the scombri,
which were a sort of tunny -fish, and sometimes of the
silurus, or shad-fish ; nay, he observed that there was
a third kind, called garum hsemation, made of the guts,
gills, and blood of the thynnus.
The physician, finding it would be impracticable
to re-establish the order of the banquet, by presenting
again the dishes which had been discomposed, ordered
everything to be removed, a clean cloth to be laid,
and the dessert to be brought in.
Meanwhile, he regretted his incapacity to give them
a specimen of the aliens, or fish meals of the ancients,
such as the jus diabaton, the conger-eel, which, in
Galen's opinion, is hard of digestion ; the cornuta, or
gurnard, described by Pliny in his Natural History,
who says, the horns of many of them were a foot and a
half in length ; the mullet and lamprey, that were in
the highest estimation of old, of which last Julius
Caesar borrowed six thousand for one triumphal supper.
He observed that the manner of dressing them was
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 329
described by Horace in the account he gives of the
entertainment to which Maecenas was invited by the
epicure Nasiedenus :
Affertur squillas inter Murena natantes, &c.,
and told them that they were commonly eaten with
the ' thus syriacum^ a certain anodyne and astringent
seed, which qualified the purgative nature of the fish.
Finally, this learned physician gave them to under-
stand that, though this was reckoned a luxurious dish
in the zenith of the Eoman taste, it was by no means
comparable, in point of expense, to some preparations
in vogue about the time of that absm-d voluptuary
Heliogabalus, who ordered the brains of six hundred
ostriches to be compounded in one mess.
By this time the dessert appeared, and the company
were not a little rejoiced to see plain olives in salt and
water ; but what the master of the feast valued himself
upon was a sort of jelly, which he affirmed to be , r
preferable to the hypotrimma of Hesychius, being a f > '^ \yi
mixture of vinega r, pickle, and honey, boiled to a i^
proper consistence, and candied assafoetida, which he
asserted, in contradiction to Aumelbergius and Lister,
was no other than the ' laser syriacum^ so precious as
to be sold among the ancients to the weight of a silver
penny. The gentlemen took his word for the excel-
lency of his gum, but contented themselves with the
olives, which gave such an agreeable relish to the
wine, that they seemed very well disposed to console
themselves for the disgrace they had endured; and
Pickle, unwilling to lose the least circumstance of
entertainment that could be enjoyed in their company,
went in quest of the painter, who remained in his
penitentials in another apartment, and could not be
persuaded to re-enter the banqueting-room until
330 THE ADVENTURES OF
Peregrine undertook to procure his £ardon from those
whom he had injured. Having assured him of this
indulgence, our young gentleman led him in like a
QTiminal, bowing on all hands with an air of humility
and Gontritipn ; and particularly addressing himself to
the count, to whom he swore in English, as God was
his Saviour, he had no intent to affront man, woman,
or child ; but was fain to make the best of his way,
that he might not give the honourable company cause
of offence, by obeying the dictates of nature in their
presence.
When Pickle interpreted this apology to the Italian,
Pallet was forgiven in very polite terms, and even
received into favour by his friend the doctor, in conse-
quence of our hero's intercession ; so that all the guests
forgot their chagrin, and paid their respects so piously
to the bottle, that in a short time the champagne
produced very evident effects in the behaviour of all
present.
CHAPTER XLV.
The 'painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to a
masquerade in womari s apparel; is engaged in a
troublesome adventure^ and loitJi his companion con-
veyed to the Bastile.
The painter, at the request of Pickle, who had a design
upon the count's sense of hearing, favoured the com-
pany with the song of ' Bumper Squire Jones,' which
yielded infinite satisfaction to the baron; but affected
the delicate ears of the Italian in such a manner that
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 331
his features expressed astonishment and disquiet ; and
by his sudden and repeated journeys to the door it
plainly appeared that he was in the same predicament
with those who, as Shakespeare observes, when the
bagpipe sings in the nose, cannot contain their urine
for affection.
With a view, therefore, of vindicating music from
such a barbarous taste, Mr. Pallet had no sooner per-
formed his task than the count honoured his friends
with some favourite airs of his own country, which he
warbled with infinite grace and expression, though
they had not energy sufficient to engage the attention
of the German, who fell fast asleep upon his couch,
and snored so loud as to interrupt and totally annul
this ravishing entertainment, so that they were fam to
have recourse again to the glass, which made such
innovation upon the brain of the physician that he
sang divers odes of Anacreon to a tune of his own
composing, jmd held fo rth upon Jthe music jind^rec^ta-
ti-'y:p.Q J[ tjie nneients wi th grent _eruditiqn; while Pallet,
having found means to make the Italian acquainted
with the nature of his profession, harangued upon
painting with wonderful volubility, in a language
which (it was well for his own credit) the stranger
did not understand.
At length the doctor was seized with such a ^ualm ^
that he begged Peregrine to lead him to his chamber ;
and the baron, being waked, retired with the count.
Peregrine, being rendered frolicsome with the wine
he had drunk, proposed that he and Pallet should go
to a masquerade, which he recollected was to be given
that night. The painter did not want curiosity and
inclination to accompany him, but expressed his ap-
prehension of losing him in the ball; an accident
which could not fail to be very disagreeable, as he
332 THE ADVENTURES OF
was an utter stranger to the language and the town.
To obviate this objection, the landlady, who was of
their council, advised him to appear in a woman's dress,
which would lay his companion under the necessity of
attending him with more care, as he could not with
decency detach himself from the lady whom he should
introduce ; besides, such a supposed connexion would
hinder the ladies of ; pleasure from accosting and
employing their seducing arts upon a person already
engaged.
Our young gentleman, foreseeing abundance of diver-
sion in the execution of this project, seconded the pro-
posal with such importunity and address, that the
painter allowed himself to be habited in a suit belong-
ing to the landlady, who also procured for him a mask
of domino, while Pickle provided himself with a
Spanish dress. In this disgidse, which they put on
about eleven o'clock, did they, attended by Pipes, set
out in a fiacre for the ball-room, into which Pickle led
this supposititious female to the astonishment of the
whole company, who had never seen such an uncouth
figure in the appearance of a woman.
After they had taken a view of all the remarkable
masques^ and the painter had been treated with a glass
of liqueur, his mischievous companion gave him the
slip, and vanishing in an instant, returned with another
mask and a domino over his habit, that he might enjoy
Pallet's perplexity, and be at hand to protect him fi'om
insult.
The poor painter, having lost his guide, was almost
distracted with anxiety, and stalked about the room,
in quest of him, Avitli such huge strides and oddity of
gesture, that he was followed by a whole multitude,
who gazed at him as a prstenmiin'al plienomenom
This attendance increased his uneasiness to such a
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 333
degree, that he could not help uttering a soliloquy
aloud, in which he cursed his fate for having depended
upon the promise of such a wag ; and swore that, if
once he was clear of this scrape, he would not bring
himself into such a premunire again for the whole
kingdom of France.
Divers petits-mmtres understanding the masque was
a foreigner, who in all probability could not speak
French, made up to him in their turns, in order to dis-
play their wit and address, and teazed him with several
arch questions, to which he made no other answer
than, ' No parly Francy. D — your chattering ! Go
' about your business, can't ye ? ' Among the masks
was a nobleman, who began to be very free with the
supposed lady, and attempted to plunge his hand into
her bosom ; but the painter was too modest to suffer
such indecent treatment ; and when the gallant re-
peated his efforts in a manner still more indelicate,
lent him such a box on the ears as made the lights
dance before liim7~andr~~Bfeated^ucir~~a suspicion of
PalTeFs^ex, that the Frenchman swore he was either
a male or hermaphrodite, and insisted upon a scrutiny,
for the sake of his own honour, with such obstinacy of
resentment that the fictitious nymph was in imminent
danger, not only of being exposed, but also of under-
going severe chastisement, for having made so free
with the prince's ear ; when Peregrine, who saw and
overheard everything that passed, thought it was high
time to interpose, and accordingly asserted his preten-
sions to the insulted lady, who was overjoyed at this
proof of his protection.
The affronted gallant persevered in demanding to
know who she was ; and our hero as strenuously re-
fused to give him that satisfaction, so that high words
ensued, and the prince threatening to punish his in-
334 THE ADVENTURES OF
science, tlie yoimg gentleman, who was not supposed
to know Ms quality, pointed to tlie place where his
own sword nsed to hang, and snapping his fingers in
his face, laid hold on the painter's arm, and led him
to another part of the room, leaving his antagonist to
the meditations of his ow nlrev engej
Pallett having chid his conductor for his barbarous
desertion, made him acquainted with the difficulty in
which he had been involved, and flatly telling him he
would not put it in his power to give him the slip
again, held fast by his arm during the remaining part
of the entertainment, to the no small diversion of the
company, whose attention was altogether engrossed in
the contemplation of such an awkward, ungainly, stalk-
ing apparition. At last Pickle, being tired of exhibit-
ing this raree-show, complied with the repeated desires
of his companion, and handed her into the coach;
which he himself had no sooner entered than they
were surrounded by a file of musketeers, commanded
by an exempt, who, ordering the coach-door to be
opened, took his place with great deliberation, while
one of his detachment mounted the box, in order to
direct the driver.
Peregrine at once conceived the meaning of his
arrest, and it was well for him that he had no weapon
wherewith to stand upon his defence, for such was the
impetuosity and rashness of his temper, that had he
been armed, he would have run all risks rather than
surrender himself to any odds whatever ; but Pallet,
imagining that the officer was some gentleman who had
mistaken their carriage for his own, desired his friend
to undeceive the stranger ; and when he was mformed
of the real state of their condition, his knees began to
shake, his teeth to chatter, and he uttered a most
doleful lamentation, importing his fear of being carried
PEREGBINE PICKLE. 335
to some hideous dungeon of tlie Bastile, where he
should spend the rest of his days in misery and horror,
and never see the light of God's sun nor the face of a
friend, but perish in a foreign land, far removed fi'om
his family and connexions. Pickle d — him for his
pusillanimity ; and the exempt, hearing a lady bemoan
herself so piteously, expressed his mortification at
being the instrument of giving her such pain, and
endeavoured to console them by representing the lenity
of the French Government, and the singular generosity
of the prince by whose order they were apprehended.
Peregrine, whose discretion seemed to forsake him
on all such occasions, exclaimed with great bitterness
against the arbitrary administration of France, and
inveighed with many expressions of contempt against
the character of the offended prince, whose resentment,
far from being noble, he said, was pitiful, ungenerous,
and unjust. To this remonstrance the officer made no
reply, but shrugged up his shoulders in silent astonish-
ment at the hardiesse of the prisoner, and the fiacre
was on the point of setting out, when they heard the
noise of a scuffle at the back of the coach, and the
voice of Tom Pipes, pronouncing, ' I'll be d — if I
' do.' This trusty attendant had been desired by one
of the guards to descend from his station in the rear,
but as he resolved to share his master's fate, he took no
notices of their intreaties, until they were seconded by
force; and that he endeavoured to repel with his
heel, which he applied with such energy to the jaws ot
the soldier who first came in contact with him, that ^
they emitted a crashing sound like a dried walnut be-
tween the grinders of a templar in the pit. Exasperated
at this outrage, the other saluted Tom's posteriors with
his bayonet, which incommoded him so much, that he
could no longer keep his post, but leaping upon the
336 THE ADVENTURES OF
ground, gave his antagonist a cliuck under tlie cMn,
and laid liim upon his back, and then skipping over
him with infinite agility, absconded among the crowd
of coaches, till he saw the guard mount before and
behind upon his master's fiacre^ which no sooner set
forward than he followed at a small distance to recon-
noitre the place where Peregrine should be confined.
After having proceeded slowly through many wind-
ings and turnings, to a part of Paris in which Pipes
was an utter stranger, the coach stopped at a great
gate, with a wicket in the middle, which being opened
at the approach of the carriage, the prisoners were
admitted ; and the guard returning with the fiacre^
Tom determined to watch in that place all night, that
in the morning he might make such observations as
might be conducive to the enlargement of his master.
CHAPTER XLVI.
By the fidelity of Pipes^ Jolter is informed of Ms
pupil's fate. Confers with the physician. Applies
to the ambassador.^ who with great difficidty obtains
the discharge of the prisoners, on certain conditions.
This plan he executed notwithstanding the pain of his
wound, and the questions of the city -guard, both horse
and foot, to which he could make no other answer
than '• Anglois^ Anglois ;' and as soon as it was light,
taking an accurate survey of the castle (for such it
seemed to be) into which Peregrine and Pallet had
been conveyed, together with its situation in respect
to the river, he went honre to his lodgings, and waking
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 337
Mr. Jolter, gave him an account of tlie adventure.
The governor wrung his hands in the utmost grief
and consternation when he heard this unfortunate
piece of news; he did not doubt that his pupil was
imprisoned in the Bastile for life ; and in the anguish
of his apprehension, cursed the day on which he had
undertaken to superintend the conduct of such an
imprudent young man, who had by reiterated insults
provoked the v engeance of such a mild and forbearing
administration. That he might not, however, neglect
any means in his power to extricate him from his
present misfortune, he despatched Thomas to the
doctor, with an account of his companion's fate, that
they might join their interest in behalf of the captives ;
and the physician, being informed of what had hap-
pened, immediately dressed himself and repaired to
Jolter, whom he accosted in these words : ' Now, sir,
' I hope you are convinced of your error, in asserting
' that oppression can never be the effect of arbitrary
' power. Such a calamity as this could never have
' happened under the Athenian democracy ; nay, even
' when the tyrant Pisistratus got possession of that
' commonwealth, he durst not venture to rule with
'• such absolute and unjust dominion. You shall see
' now that Mr. Pickle and my friend Pallet will fall a
' sacrifice to the tyranny of lawless power; and in
' my opinion, we shall be accessary to the ruin of this
' poor enslaved people if we bestir ourselves in de-
' manding or imploring the release of our unhappy
' countrymen, as we may thereby prevent the com-
' mission of a flagrant crime, which would fill up the
' vengeance of Heaven against the perpetrators, and
' perhaps be the means of restoring a whole nation
' to the unspeakable fruition of freedom. For my
' own part, I should rejoice to see the blood of my
VOL. III. 22
338 THE ADVENTURES OF
' father spilt in such a glorious cause, provided such
' a victim would furnish me with the opportunity of
' dissolving the chains of slavery, and vindicating' that
' liberty which is the birthright of man. Then would
' my name be immortalized among the patriot-heroes
' of antiquity, and my memory, like that of Harmodius
J * and Aristogiton, be honoured by statues erected at
' the public expense.' This rhapsody, which was
delivered with great emphasis and agitation, gave so
much offence to Jolter, that without speaking one
word, he retired in great wrath to his own chamber,
and the republican returned to his lodging, in full
hope of his prognostic being verified in the death and
destruction of Peregrine and the painter, which must
give rise to some renowned revolution, wherein he
himself would act a principal part. But the governor,
whose imagination was not quite so warm and prolific,
went directly to the ambassador, whom he informed
of his pupil's situation, and besought to interpose with
the French ministry, that he and the other British
subject might obtain their liberty.
His excellency asked if Jolter could guess at the
cause of his imprisonment, that he might be the better
prepared to vindicate or excuse his conduct ; but
neither he nor Pipes could give the smallest hint of
intelligence on that subject ; though he furnished him-
self fi-om Tom's own mouth with a circumstantial
account of the manner in which his master had been
arrested, as well as of his own behaviour, and the
disaster he had received on that occasion. His lord-
ship never doubted that Pickle had brought this
calamity upon himself by some unlucky prank he had
played at the masquerade ; especially when he under-
stood that the young gentleman had drunk freely in
the afternoon, and been so whimsical as to go thither
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 339
with a man in woman's apparel ; and lie that same
day waited on the French minister, in full confidence
of obtaining his discharge; but met with more difficulty
than he expected, the court of France being extremely
punctilious in everything that concerns a prince of the
blood ; the ambassador was, therefore, obliged to talk
in very high terms ; and though the present circum-
stances of the French politics would not allow them to
fall out with the British administration for trifles, all
the favour he could procure was a promise that Pickle
should be set at liberty, provided he would ask pardon
of the prince to whom he had given offence. His
excellency thought this was but a reasonable conde-
scension, supposing Peregrine to have been in the
wrong ; and Jolter was admitted to him in order to
communicate and reinforce his lordship's advice, which
was, that he should comply with the terms proposed.
The governor, who did not enter this gloomy fortress
without fear and trembling, found his pupil in a dismal
apartment void of all furniture but a stool and truckle-
bed. The moment he was admitted, he perceived the
youth whistling with great unconcern, and working with
his pencil at the barg wall, on which he had delineated
a ludicrous figure labelled with the name of the noble-
man whom he had affronted, and an English mastiff
with his leg lifted up, in the attitude of making water
in his shoe. He had been even so presumptuous as to
explain the device with satirical inscriptions in the
French language, which, when Jolter perused, his hair-
stood on end with affright. The very turnkey was*^^
confounded and overawed by the boldness of his
behaviour, which he had never seen matched by any
inhabitant of that place ; and actually joined his friend
in persuading him to submit to the easy demand of
the minister. But our hero, far from embracing the
22 — 2
340 THE ADVENTURES OF
council of this advocate, handed him to the door with
great ceremony, and dismissed him with a kick on the
breech ; and to all the supplications, and even tears, of
Jolter, made no other reply than that he would stoop
to no condescension, because he had committed no
crime ; but would leave his case to the cognizance and
exertion of the British court, whose duty it was to see
justice done to its own subjects. He desired, however,
that Pallet, who was confined in another place, might
avail himself of his own disposition, which was suffi-
ciently pliable. But when the governor desired to see
his fellow-prisoner, the turnkey gave him to under-
stand that he had received no orders relating to the
lady, and therefore could not admit him into her apart-
ment ; though he was complaisant enough to tell him
that she seemed very much mortified at her confine-
ment, and at certain times behaved as if her brain was
not a little disordered. Jolter, thus baffled in all his
endeavours, quitted the Bastile with a heavy heart,
and reported his fruitless negotiation to the ambassador,
who could not help breaking forth into some acrimo-
nious expressions against the obstinacy and insolence
of the young man, who, he said, deserved to suffer for
his folly. Kevertheless, he did not desist from his
representations to the French ministry, which he found
so unyielding, that he was obliged to threaten, in plain
terms, to make it a national concern ; and not only
wrote to his court for instructions, but even advised
the council to make reprisals, and send some French
gentleman in London to the Tower.
This intimation had an effect upon the ministry at
Versailles, who, rather than run the risk of incensing
a people whom i|jvas n either their interest nor incli-
nation to disoblige, consented to discharge the offenders,
on condition that they should leave Paris in three days
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 34 L
after their enlargement. Tins proposal was readily
agreed to by Peregrine, who was now a little more
tractable, and heartily tired of being cooped up in such
an uncomfortable abode, for the space of three long
days, without any sort of communication or entertain-
ment but that which his own imagination suggested.
CHAPTER XLVII.
Peregrine makes himself merry at the expense of the
painter, who curses his landlady^ and breaks loith the
doctor.
As he could easily conceive the situation of his com-
panion in adversity, he was unwilling to leave the
place until he had reaped some diversion from his dis-
tress, and with that view repaired to the dungeon of
the afflicted painter, to which he had by this time free
access. When he entered, the first object that pre-
sented itself to his eye was so uncommonly ridiculous,
that he could scarce preserve that gravity of countenance
which he had affected in order to execute the joke he
had planned. The forlorn Pallet sat upright in his
bed, in a dishabille that was altogether extraordinary.
He had laid aside his monstrous hoop, together with
his stays, gown, and petticoat, wrapped his lappets
about his head by way of night-cap, and wore his
domino as a loose morning-dress ; his grizzled locks
hung down about his lack-lustre eyes and tawny neck
in all the disorder of negligence ; his grey beard
bristled about half an inch through the remains of the
paint with which his visage had been bedaubed, and
342 THE ADVENTURES OF
every feature of his face was lengthened to the most
ridicnlous expression of grief and dismay. Seeing
Peregrine come in, he started up in a sort of frantic
ecstasy, and running towards him with open arms, no
sooner perceived the woeful appearance into which our
hero had modelled his physiognomy, than he stopped
short all of a sudden, and the joy which had begun to
take possession of his heart was in a moment dispelled
by the most rueful presages; so that he stood in a
most ludicrous posture of dejection, like a malefactor
at the Old Bailey when sentence is about to be pro-
nounced. Pickle, taking him by the hand, heaved a
profound sigh, and after having protested that he was
extremely moj^ified at being pitched upon as the
messenger of bad news, told him, with an air of sym-
pathy and infinite concern, that the French court,
having discovered his sex, had resolved, in considera-
tion of the outrageous indignity he offered in public to
a prince of the blood, to detain him in the Bastile a
prisoner for life ; and that this sentence was a mitiga-
tion obtained by the importunities of the British
ambassador ; the punishment ordained by law being no
other than breaking alive upon the wheel. These
tidings aggravated the horrors of the painter to such a
d egree thaj he roared aloud, and_skipped about the
ro om in all th e~ extrava gance_of distraction ; taking
God and man to witness that he wouldT'l^tlier suffer
immediate death than endure one year's imprisonment
in such a hideous place, and curbing, the hour of his
birth, and the moment on which he departed from his
own country. ' For my own part,' said his tormentor,
in a hypocritical tone, ' I was obliged to swallow the
' bitter pill of making submission to the prince, who, as
' I had not presumed to strike him, received acknow-
' ledgments, in consequence of which I shall be this
PEREGRTNE PICKLE. 343
day set at liberty ; and there is even one expedient
left for tlie recovery of your freedom. It is, I own.
a disagreeable remedy, but one bad better undergo a
little mortification than be for ever wretched. Be-
sides, upon second thoughts, I begin to imagine that
you will not for such a trifle sacrifice yourself to the
unceasing horrors of a solitary dungeon, especially as
your condescension will in all probability be attended
with advantages which you could not otherwise
enjoy.' Pallet, interrupting him with great eager-
ness, begged for the love of God that he would no
longer keep him in the torture of suspense, but men-
tion that same remedy, which he was resolved to
swallow let it be ever so unpalatable.
Peregrine, having thus played upon his passions of
fear and hope, answered, ' That as the offence was com-
mitted in the habit of a woman, which was a disguise
unworthy of the other sex, the French court was of
opinion that the delinquent should be reduced to the
neuter gender, so that there was an alternative at his
own option by which he had it in his power to regain
immediate freedom.' ' What ! ' cried the painter in
despair, ' become a singer ? Gadzooks ! and the devil,
and all that ! I'll rather lie still where I am, and
let myself be devoured by vermin.' Then thrusting
out his throat, ' Here is my wind-pipe,' said he, ' be so
good, my dear friend, as to give it a slice or two ; if
you don't, I shall one of these days be found dangling
in my garters. What an unfortunate rascal I am !
What a blockhead, and a beast, and a fool, was_I to
trust__niy^filf_jLmong__&uch jijbarharous rufiian race !
Lord forgive you, Mr. Pickle, for having been the
immediate cause of my disaster ; if you had stood by
me from the beginning, according to your promise, I
should not have been teased by that coxcomb who has
344 THE ADVENTURES OF
brought me to tliis pass. And why did I put on this
d — unlucky dress? Lard curse that chattering
Jazabel of a landlady, who advised such a prepos-
terous disguise — a disguise which hath not only
brought me to this pass, but also rendered me abomin-^^
able to myself and frightful to others; for when I /
this morning signified to the turnkey that I wanted
to be shaved, he looked at my beard with astonish-
ment, and crossing himself, muttered his paternoster,
believing me, I suppose, to be a witch, or something
worse. And Heaven confound that loathsome banquet
of the ancients, which provoked me to drink too
freely, that I might wash away the taste of that ac-
cursed silly-kickaby ! '
Our young gentleman having heard his lamenta-
tion to an end, excused himself for his conduct by re-
presenting that he could not possibly foresee the
disagreeable consequences that attended it ; and in the
meantime strenuously counselled him to submit to the
terms of this enlargement. He observed, that he was
now arrived at that time of life when the lusts of the
flesh should be entirely mortified within him, and his
greatest concern ought to be^ie health of his soul, to
which nothing could more effectually contribute than
the amputation which was proposed ; that his body, as
well as his mind, would profit by the change, because
he would have no dangerous appetite to gratify, and
no carnal thoughts to divert him from the duties of his
profession ; and his voice, which was naturally sweet,
would improve to such a degree, that he would capti-
vate the ears of all the people of fashion and taste, and
in a little time be celebrated under the appellation of
the English Senesino.
These arguments did not fail to make impression
upon the painter, who, nevertheless, started two objec-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 345
tlons to his compliance; namely, the disgrace of the
punishment, and the dread of his wife. Pickle under-
took to obviate these difficulties, by assuring him, that
the sentence would be executed so privately as never to
transpire ; and that his wife could not be so uncon-
scionable, after so many years of cohabitation, as to
take exceptions to an expedient, by which she would
not only enjoy the conversation of her husband, but
even the fruits of those talents which the knife would
so remarkably refine.
Pallet shook his head at his last remonstrance, as if
he thought it would not be altogether convincing to
his spouse ; but yielded to the proposal, provided her
consent could be obtained. Just as he signified this
condescension, the gaoler entered, and addressing him-
self to the supposed lady, expressed his satisfaction in
having the honour to tell her that she was no longer a
prisoner. As the painter did not understand one word
of what he said. Peregrine undertook the ofl&ce of
interpreter, and made his friend believe the gaoler's
speech was no other than an intimation that the
ministry had sent a surgeon to execute what was pro-
posed, and that the instruments and dressings were
prepared in the next room. Alarmed and terrified at
this sudden appointment, he flew to the other end of
the room, and snatching up an earthen chamber-pot,
which was the only offensive weapon in the place, put
himself in a posture of defiance, and with many oaths
threatened to try the temper of the barber's skull if
he should presume to set his nose within the apart-
ment.
The gaoler, who little expected such a reception,
concluded that the poor gentlewoman had actually lost
her wits, and retreated with precipitation, leaving the
door open as he went out. Upon which Pickle,
\
346 THE ADVENTURES OF
gathering up tlie particulars of liis dress witli great
despatcli, crammed tliem into Pallet's arms, and taking
notice that now the coast was clear, exhorted him to
follow his footsteps to the gate, where a hackney-coach
stood for his reception. There being no time for hesi-
tation, the painter took his advice, and without
quitting the utensil, which in his hurry he forgot to lay
down, sallied out in the rear of our hero, with all that
wildness of terror and impatience Jlhich_may_be
ji^a sonably supposed to take_ posseasiQjaL,.Q£_a man wh o
flies from perpetual imprisonment. Such was tlie
tumult of his agitationpthat his facuUy_of_thinking^
was for tlip , present ii tterly overwhelmed, and he saw^
no object but his conductor, whom he followed by a
sort of instinctive impulse, without regarding the
keepers and sentinels, who, as he passed with his
clothes under one arm, and his chamber-pot bran-
dished above his head, were confounded, and even
dismayed, at the strange apparition.
During the whole course of this irruption, he ceased
not to cry with great vociferation, ' Drive, coachman,
' drive, in the name of God ! ' And the carriage had
proceeded the length of a whole street before he
manifested the least sign of reflection, but stared like
^ the Gorgon's head, with his mouth wide open, and
each particular hair crawling and twining like an
animated serpent. At length, however, he began to
recover the use of his senses, and asked if Peregrine
thought him now out of all danger of being retaken.
This unrelenting wag, not yet satisfied with the afflic-
tion he had imposed upon the sufl*erer, answered with
an air of doubt and concern, that he hoped they
would not be overtaken, and prayed to God they
might not be retarded by a stop of carriages. Pallet
fervently joined in this supplication, and they ad-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 347
vanced a few yards farther, when the noise of a
coach at full speed, behmd them, mvaded then- ears ;
and Pickle, having looked out of the window, with-
drew his head in seeming confusion, and exclaimed,
' Lord have mercy upon us ! I wish that may not
' be a guard sent after us. Methinks I saw the
' muzzle of a fusil sticking out of the coach.' The
painter, hearing these tidings, that instant thrust him-
self half out at the window, with his helmet still in
his hand, bellowing to the coachman as loud as he
could roar, ' Drive, d — ye, drive ! to the gates of
' Jericho and ends of the earth ! Drive, you raga-
' muffin, you rascallion, you hell-hound! drive us to
' the pit of hell rather than we should be taken.'
Such a phantom could not pass without attracting
the curiosity of the people, who ran to their doors
and windows in order to behold this object of ad-
miration. With the same view, that coach, which
was supposed to be in pursuit of him, stopped just
as the windows of each happened to be opposite ; and
Pallet looking behind, and seeing three men standing
upon the foot-board armed with canes, which his fear
converted into fusils, never doubted that his friend's
suspicion was just; but, shaking his Jordan at the
imaginary guard, swore he would sooner die than
part with his precious ware. The owner of the coach,
who was a nobleman of the first quality, mistook him
for some unhappy woman deprived of her senses ; and,
ordering his coachman to proceed, convinced the
fugitive, to his infinite joy, that this was no more
than a false alarm. He was not, for all that, freed
from anxiety and trepidation ; but our young gentle-
man, fearing his brain would not bear a repetition of ^
the same joke, permitted him to gain his own lodgings,
without further molestation.
348 THE ADVENTURES OF
His landlady, meeting liim on the stair, was so
affected at his appearance, that she screamed aloud,
and betook herself to flight ; while he, cursing her with
great bitterness, rushed into the apartment to the
doctor, who, instead of receiving him with cordial
embraces, and congratulating him upon his deliver-
ance, gave evident tokens of umbrage and discontent ;
and even plainly told him, he hoped to have heard
that he and Mr. Pickle had acted the glorious part of
Cato ; an event which would have laid the foundation
of such noble struggles as could not fail to end in hap-
piness and freedom; and that he had already made
some progress in an ode that would have immortalized
their names, and inspired the flame of liberty in every
honest breast. ' There,' said he, ' I would have proved
* that great talents and high sentiments of liberty do
' reciprocally produce and assist each other ; and illus-
' trated my assertions with such notes and quotations
' from the Greek writers as would have opened the
' eyes of the most blind and unthinking, and touched
' the most callous and obdurate heart. fool^ to think
' the man^ lohose ample mind must grasp lohatever yonder
' stars survey Pray, Mr. Pallet, what is your
' opinion of that image of the mind's grasping the
* whole universe ? For my own part, I can't help
r' thinking it the most happy conception that ever
' entered my imagination.'
The painter, who was not such a flaming enthusiast
in the cause of liberty, could not brook the doctor's
reflections, which he thought savoured a little too much
of indifference and deficiency in point of private
friendship; and therefore seized the present oppor-
tunity of moutifying his pride, by observing that the
image was, without all doubt, very grand and magnifi-
cent; but that he had been obliged for the idea to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 349
Mr. Bayes in The Rehearsal^ wlio values himself upon
the same figure, conveyed in these words, But all these
clouds^ when hy the eye of reason grasped^ &c. Upon
any other occasion, the painter would have triumphed
greatly in this detection ; but such was tlie flutter and
confusion of his spirits, under the apprehension of
being retaken, that, without further communication, he
retreated to his own room, in order to resume his
proper dress, which he hoped would alter his appear-
ance in such a manner as to baffle all search and
examination ; w hile the physician renmined ashamed
and_abashed, to find himself convicted of bombast by
a person of such contemptible talents. He was offended
at this proof of liis memory, and so much enraged at
his presumption in exhibiting it, that he could never
forgive his want of reverence, and took every oppor-
tunity of exposing his ignorance and folly in the
sequel. Indeed, the ties of private affection were ?^
too weak to engage the heart of this republican,
whose zeal for the community had entirely swallowed
up his concern for individuals. He looked upon
particular friendship as a passion unworthy of his
ample soul, and was a professed admirer of L. Man-
lius, Junius Brutus, and those later patriots of the
same name, who shut their ears against the cries of
nature, and resisted all the dictates of gratitude and
humanity.
350 THE ADVENTUEES OF
CHAPTER XLVIII.
Pallet conceives a hearty contempt for Ms fellow-traveller^
and attaches himself to Pickle^ loho^ nevertheless^ per-
secutes him loith his mischievous talent upon the 7'oad
to Flanders.
In the meantime his companion, having employed
divers pails of water in cleansing himself from the
squalor of a gaol, submitted his face to the barber,
tinged his eyebrows with a sable hue, and being
dressed in his own clothes, ventured to visit Peregrine,
who was still in the hands of his valet-de-chambre,
and who gave him to understand that his escape had
been connived at, and that the condition of their de-
liverance was their departure from Paris in three days.
The painter was transported with joy when he
learnt that he ran no risk of being retaken ; and far
from repining at the terms of his enlargement, would
have willingly set out on his return to England that
same afternoon ; for the Bastile had made such an
impression upon him, that he started at the sound of
every coach, and turned pale at sight of a French
soldier. In the fulness of his heart, he complained of
the doctor's indifference, and related what had passed
at their meeting, with evident marks of resentment and
disrespect; which were not at all diminished when Jolter
informed him of the physician's behaviour when he sent
for him to confer about the means of abridging their
confinement. Pickle hunself was incensed at his want
of bowels, and perceiving how much he had sunk in the
opinion of his fellow-traveller, resolved to encourage
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 351
tliese sentiments of disgust, and occasionally foment
the division to a downright quarrel, which he foresaw
would produce some diversion, a Tul perhaps expose th e
poet's c haraji tpr in su c h a light as would eff ectually
p^miTJT^Jijrn^fnr Ilia y^TTQo-m-ipp. i\j\(\ — ha.rhiirity. With
tlns^ view he levelled several satirical jokes at the
doctor's pedantry and want of taste, which had ap-
peared so conspicuous in the quotations he had got by
heart from ancient authors, and in his affected disdain
of the best pictures in the world ; which, had he been
endowed with the least share of discernment, he could
not have looked on with such insensibility ; and lastly,
in his ridiculous banquet, which none but an egregious
coxcomb, devoid of all elegance and sense, would
have prepared or presented to rational beings. In a
w^ord, our young gentleman played the artillery of his
wit against him with such success, that the painter
seemed to wake from a dream, and went home with the
most hearty contempt for the person he had formerly
adored.
Instead of using the privilege of a friend to enter his
apartment without ceremony, he sent in his servant
Avith a message, importing that he intended to set out
from Paris next day, in company with Mr. Pickle, and
desiring to know whether or not he was, or would be,
prepared for the journey. The doctor, struck with the
manner as well as the matter of this intimation, went
immediately to Pallet's room, and demanded to know
the cause of such a sudden determination without his
privity or concurrence ; and when he understood the
necessity of their affairs, rather than travel by himself,
he ordered his baggage to be packed up, and signified
his readiness to conform to the emergency of the case,
though he was not at all pleased with the cavalier
behaviour of Pallet, to whom he threw out some hints
352 THE ADVENTURES OF
of his own importance, and tlie immensity of his con-
descension in favouring him with such marks of regard.
J^ut by this time these insinuations had lost their effect
upon the painter, who tokl him, with an arch sneer,
that he did not at all question his learning and abilities,
and particularly his skill in cookery, wliich he should
never forget while his palate retained its function ; but
nevertheless advised him, for the sake of the degenerate
eaters of these days, to spare a little of the sal am-
moniac in the next silly-kickaby he should prepare ;
and abate somewhat of the devil's dung, which he had
so plentifully crammed into the roasted fowls, unless
he had a mind to convert his guests into patients, with
a view of licking himself whole for the expense of the
entertainment.
The physician, nettled at these sarcasms, eyed him
with a look of indignation and disdain ; and being
unwilling to express himself in English, lest, in the
course of the altercation, Pallet should be so much
irritated as to depart without him, he vented his anger
in Greek. The painter, though by the sound he sup-
posed this quotation to be Greek, complimented his
friend upon his knowledge in the Welsh language, and
found means to rally him quite out of temper ; so that
he retired to his chamber in the utmost wratli and
mortification, and left his antagonist exulting over the
victory he had won.
While these things passed between these Qiiginalg, ^
Peregrine waited upon the ambassador, whom he
thanked for his kmd interposition, acknowledging the
indiscretion of his conduct, with such appearance of
conviction and promises of reformation, that his ex-
cellency freely forgave him for all the trouble he had
been put to on his account, fortified him with sensible
advices, and assuring him of his continual favour and
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 353
friendship, gave him, at parting, letters of introduction
to several persons of quality belonging to the British
court.
Thus distinguished, our young gentleman took leave
of all his French acquaintance, and spent the evening
with some of those who had enjoyed the greatest share
of his intimacy and confidence ; while Jolter super-
intended his domestic concerns, and with infinite joy
bespoke a post-chaise and horse, in order to convey
him from a place where he lived in continual appre-
hension of suffering by the dangerous disposition of
his pupil. Everything being adjusted according to
their plan, they and their fellow-travellers next day
dined together, and about four in the afternoon took
their departure in two chaises, escorted by the valet-
de-chambre, Pipes, and the doctor's lackey on horse-
back, well furnished with arms and ammunition, in
case of being attacked by robbers on the road.
It was about eleven o'clock at night when they
arrived at Senlis, which was the place at which they
proposed to lodge, and where they were obliged to
knock up the people of the inn before they could
have their supper prepared. All the provision in the
house was but barely sufficient to furnish one in-
different meal ; however, the painter consoled himself
for the quantity with the quality of the dishes, one of
which was a fricassee of rabbit, a preparation that he
valued above all the dainties that ever smoked upon
the table of the sumptuous Heliogabalus.
He had no sooner expressed himself to this effect,
than our hero, who was almost incessantly laying traps
for diversion at his neighbour's expense, laid hold on
the declaration ; and recollecting the story of Scipio
and the muleteer in ' Gil Bias,' resolved to perpetrate
a joke upon the stomach of Pallet, which seemed par-
VOL. III. 23
354 THE ADVENTURES OF
ticularly well disposed to a liearty supper. He accord-
ingly digested his plan ; and the company being seated
at table, affected to gaze with peculiar eagerness at the
painter, who had helped himself to a large portion of the
fricassee, and began to swallow it with infinite relish.
Pallet, notwithstanding the keenness of his appetite,
could not help taking notice of Pickle's demeanour;
and making a short pause in the exercise of his
grinders, ' You are surprised,' said he, ' to see me
'• make so much despatch ; but I was extremely hungry,
' and this is one of the best fricassees I ever tasted : the
' French are very expert in these dishes ; that I must
* allow ; and upon my conscience, I would never desire
' to eat a more delicate rabbit than this that lies upon
' my plate.'
Peregrine made no other reply to this encomium
than the repetition of the word rabbit ! with a note
of admiration, and such a significant shake of the
head, as effectually alarmed the other, who instantly
suspended the action of his jaws, and with a morsel
half chewed in his mouth, stared round him with a
certain solidity of apprehension, .which is easier con-
ceived than described, until his eyes encountered the
countenance of Thomas Pipes, who being instructed,
and posted opposite to him for the occasion, exhibited
an arch grin that completed the painter's disorder.
Afraid of swallowing his mouthful, and ashamed to
dispose of it in any other way, he sat some time
in a most distressed state of suspense ; and being
questioned by Mr. Jolter touching his calamity, made
a violent effort of the muscles of his gullet, which
with difficulty performed their office; and then, with
great confusion and concern, asked if Mr. Pickle
suspected the rabbit's identity. The young gentle-
man, assuming a mysterious air, pretended ignorance
PEEEGEINE PICKLE. 355
of the matter ; observing, that he was apt to suspect
all dishes of that kind, since he had been informed
of the tricks which were commonly played at inns
in France, Italy, and Spain ; and recounted that
passage in ' Gil Bias,' which we have hinted at
above ; saying, he did not pretend to be a connois-
seur in animals, but the legs of the creature which
composed that fricassee did not in his opinion re-
semble those of the rabbits he had usually seen.
This observation had an evident effect upon the
features of the painter, who, with certain signs of
loathing and astonishment, exclaimed, ' Lord Jesus ! '
and appealed to Pipes for a discovery of the truth,
by asking if he knew anything of the affair. Tom
very gravely replied, that he did suppose the food was
wholesome enough, for he had seen the skin and feet
of a special ram-cat new flayed, hanging upon the
door of a small pantry adjoining to the kitchen.
Before this sentence was uttered. Pallet's belly
seemed to move in contact with his backbone, his
colour changed, no part but the whites of his eyes
were to be seen, he dropped his lower jaw, and fix-
ing his hands in his sides, retched with such con-
vulsive agonies as amazed and disconcerted the whole
company; and what augmented his disorder was the
tenacious retention of his stomach, which absolutely
refused to part with its contents notwithstanding all
the energy of his abhorrence, which threw him into
a cold sweat, and almost into a swoon.
Pickle, alarmed at his condition, assured him it was
a genuine rabbit, and that he had tutored Pipes to
say otherwise for the joke's sake. But this confession
he considered as a friendly artifice of Pickle's com-
passion, and therefore it had little effect upon his
constitution. By the assistance, however, of a large
23—2
356 THE ADVENTURES OF
bumper of brandy, his spirits were recruited, and his
recollection so far recovered, that he was able to declare,
with divers contortions of face, that the dish had a
particular rankness of taste, which he had imputed
partly to the nature of the French coney, and partly
to the composition of their sauces ; then he inveighed
against the infamous practices of French publicans,
attributing such imposition to their oppressive govern-
ment, which kept them so necessitous, that they were
tempted to exercise all manner of knavery upon their
unwary guests.
Jolter, who could not find in his heart to let slip
any opportunity of speaking in favour of the French,
told him, ' that he was a very great stranger to their
police, else he would know, that if, upon information
to the magistrate, it should appear that any traveller,
native or foreigner, has been imposed upon, or ill-
treated by a publican, the offender would be imme-
diately obliged to shut up his house, and if his
behaviour had been notorious, he himself would be
sent to the galleys without the least hesitation ; and
as for the dish which has been made the occasion of
your present disorder,' said he, ' I will take upon me
to affirm it was prepared of a genuine rabbit, which
was skinned in my presence ; and in confirmation of
what I assert, though such fricassees are not the
favourites of my taste, I will eat a part of this with-
out scruple.' So saying, he swallowed several
Liiouthfuls of the questioned coney, and Pallet seemed
o eye it again with inclination ; nay, he even resumed
his knife and fork, and being just on the point of
applying them, was seized with another qualm of ap-
prehension, that broke out in an exclamation of ' After
' all, Mr. Jolter, if it should be a real ram-cat — Lord
' have mercy upon me ! here is one of the claws.'
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 357
With these words he presented the tip of a toe, of
which Pipes had snipt off five or six from a duck
that was roasted, and purposely scattered them in the
fricassee; and the governor could not behold this
testimonial without symptoms of uneasiness and re-
morse; so that he and the painter sat silenced and
abashed, and made faces at each other, while the
physician, who hated them both, exulted over their
affliction, bidding them be of good cheer, and proceed
with their meal; for he was ready to demonstrate,
that the flesh of a cat was as nourishing and delicious
as veal or mutton, provided they could prove that
the said cat was not of the boar-kind, and had fed
chiefly on vegetable diet, or even confined its car-
nivorous appetite to rats and mice, which he affirmed
to be dainties of exquisite taste and flavour. He said,
it was a vulgar mistake to think that all flesh-devouring
creatures were unfit to be eaten; witness the con-
sumption of swine and ducks, animals that delight in
carnage as well as fish, and prey upon each other,
and feed on bait and camon ; together with the demand
for bear, of which the best hams in the world are
made. He then observed that the Negroes on the
coast of Guinea, who are healthy and vigorous people,
prefer cats and dogs to all other fare ; and mentioned
from history several sieges, during which the in-
habitants, who were blocked up, lived upon these
animals, and had recourse even to human flesh, which,
to his certain knowledge, was in all respects preferable
to pork ; for, in the course of his studies, he had foiH
the experiment's sake eaten a steak cut from the
buttock of a person who had been hanged. — ^
This dissertation, far from composing, increased the
disquiet in the stomachs of the governor and painter,
who, hearing the last illustration, turned their eyes
358 THE ADVENTURES OF
upon the orator, at the same instant, with looks of
horror and disgust ; and the one muttering the term
cannibal, and the other pronouncing the word abomi-
nation, they rose from table in a great hurry, and
running towards another apartment, jostled with such
violence in the passage, that both were overturned by
the shock, which also contributed to the effect of their
nausea, that mutually defiled them as they lay.
CHAPTER XLIX.
Nor IS the physician sacred from Ms ridicule. They
reach Arras., where our adventwer engages in play
loith two French officers., loho next morning give the
landlord an interesting proof of their importance.
The doctor remained sullen and dejected during the
whole journey : not but that he attempted to recover
his importance by haranguing upon the Eoman high-
ways, when Mr. Jolter desired the company to take
notice of the fine pavement upon which they travelled
from Paris into Flanders ; but Pallet, who thought he
had now gained the ascendency over the physician,
exerted himself in maintaining the superiority he had
acquired, by venting various sarcasms upon his self-
conceit and affectation of learning, and even uttering
puns and conundrums upon the remarks which the
j^ republican retailed. When he talked of the Flaminian
Way, the painter questioned if it was a better pave-
ment than the Fleminian way on which tliey travelled;
and the doctor having observed that this road was
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 359
made for tlie convenience of drawing- the Frencli artil-
lery into Flanders, which was often the seat of war,
his competitor in wit replied with infinite vivacity,
' There are more great gmis than the French king
' knows of drawn along this causeway, doctor.'
Encouraged by the success of these efforts, which
tickled the imagination ol Jolter, and drew smiles (as
he imagined) of approbation from our hero, he sported
in many other equivoques of the same nature ; and at^
dinner told-the physici an that jie was like the root of
the ton gue^ as being cursedly down in the mouth. ^
By this time, such was the animosity subsisting be-
tween those quondam friends, that they never con-
versed together, except with a view of exposing each
other to the ridicule or contempt of their fellow-travel-
lers. The doctor was at great pains to point out the
folly and ignorance of Pallet in private to Peregrine,
who was often conjured in the same manner by the
painter to take notice of the physician's want of man-
ners and taste. Pickle pretended to acquiesce in the
truth of their mutual severity, which indeed was ex-
tremely just, and by malicious insinuations blew up
their contention, with a view of bringing it to open
hostility. But both seemed so averse to deeds of
mortal purpose, that for a long time his arts were
baffled, and he cou ld not^ spirit them up to any pitclTl
of resentment higher than scurrilous repartee. -I
Before they reached~Affas7the city gates were shut,
so that they were obliged to take up their lodging at
an indifferent house in the suburbs, where they found
a couple of French officers, who had also rode post
from Paris so far on their way to Lisle. These gentle-
men were about the age of thirty, and their deport-
ment distinguished by such an air of insolence as
disgusted our hero, who nevertheless accosted them
360 THE ADVENTURES OF
politely in the yard, and proposed that they should sup
together. They thanked him for the honour of his in-
vitation, which, however, they declined upon pretence
of having ordered something for themselves; but
promised to wait upon him and his company imme-
diately after their repast.
This they accordingly performed, and after having
drunk a few glasses of Burgundy, one of them asked
if the young gentleman would, for pastime, take a
hand at quadrille. Peregrine easily divined the mean-
ing of this proposal, which was made with no other
view than that of fleecing him and his fellow-travel-
lers, for_he_ssLell-knew--to what shifts a subaltern. in
th e French servic e, is jr^duced in order to maintain
the appearance of a gentleman, and had reason to
believe that mosl; of them were sharpers from their
youth ; but as he depended a good deal upon his own
penetration and address, he gratified the stranger's
desire, and a party was instantly formed of the painter,
the physician, the proposer, and liimself, the other
officer having professed himself utterly ignorant of
the game; yet in the course of the play he took his
station at the back of Pickle's chair, which was op-
posite to his friend, on pretence of amusing himself
with seeing his manner of conducting the cards. The
youth was not such a novice but that he perceived
the design of this palpable piece of behaviour, which,
notwithstanding, he overlooked for the present, with
a view of flattering their hopes in the beginning, that
they might be the more effectually punished by their
disappointment in the end.
The game was scarcely begun when, by the reflec-
tion of a glass, he discerned the officer at his back
making signs to his companion, who, by these pre-
concerted gestures, was perfectly informed of the con-
PEBEGRiyE PICKLE. 361
tents of Peresfrine's hand, and of course fortunate in
the course of play.
Thus they were allowed to enjoy the fruits of their
dexterity until their money amounted to some Louis,
when our young gentleman, thinking it high time
to do himself justice, signified in very polite terms to
the gentleman who stood behind him, that he could
never play with ease and deliberation when he was
overlooked by any bystander, and begged that he
would have the goodness to be seated.
As this was a remonstrance which the stranger
could not with any show of breeding resist, he asked
pardon, and retired to the chair of the physician, who
frankly told him that it was not the fashion of his
country for one to submit his hand to the perusal of
a spectator ; and when, in consequence of this rebuff,
he wanted to quarter himself upon the painter, he
was refused by a wave of the hand and a shake of
the head, with an exclamation of Pardonnez moi !
which was repeated with such emphasis as discom-
posed his effrontery, and he found himself obliged
to sit down in a state of mortification.
The odds being thus removed, fortune proceeded
in her usual channel, and though the Frenchman,
deprived of his ally, endeavoured to practise divers
strokes of finesse^ the rest of the company observed
him with such vigilance and caution as bafEed all
his attempts, and in a very little time he was com-
pelled to part with his winning, but having engaged
in the match with an intention of taking all advan-
tages, whether fair or unfair, that his superior skill
should give him over the Englishman, the money
was not refunded without a thousand disputes, in the
course of which he essayed to intimidate his antagonist
with high words, which were retorted by our hero
362 THE ADVENTURES OF
wltli sucli interest as convinced him tliat he had mis-
taken his man, and persuaded him to make his retreat
in quiet. Indeed, it was not without cause that they
repined at the bad success of their enterprise, because,
in all likelihood, they had nothing to depend upon
for the present but their industry, and knew not how
to defray their expenses on the road except by some
acquisition of this kind.
Next morning they rose at daybreak, and, resolving
to anticipate their fellow-lodgers, bespoke post-horses
as soon as they could be admitted into the city ; so
that, when the company appeared, their beasts were
ready in the yard ; and they only waited to discuss the
bill, which they had ordered to be made out. The
landlord of the inn presented his carte with fear and
trembling to one of those ferocious cavaliers, who no
sooner cast his eye upon the sum total than he dis-
charged a volley of dreadful oaths, and asked if the
king's officers were to be treated in that manner?
The poor publican protested, with great humility, that
he had the utmost respect for his majesty, and every-
thing that belonged to him ; and that, far from con-
sulting J iis inte rest, all that he desired was, to be
barely indemnified for the expense of their lodging.
This condescension seemed to have no other effect
than that of encouraging their arrogance. They swore
his extortion should be explained to the commandant
of the town, who would, by making him a public
example, teach other innkeepers how to behave
towards men of honour ; and threatened with such
confidence of indignation, that the wretched landlord,
dreading the consequence of their wrath, implored
pardon in the most abject manner, begging, with many
supplications, that he might have the pleasure of
lodging them at his own charge. This was a favour
PEREGPJXE PICKLE. 363
whidi he with great difficulty obtained ; they chid him
severely for his imposition, exhorted him to have more
reo;ard for his own conscience as well as for the conve-
nience of his guests ; and, cautioning him in particular
touching his behaviour to the gentlemen of the army,
mounted their horses, and rode off in great state,
leaving him very thankfid for having so successfully
appeased the choler of two officers, who wanted either
inclination or ability to pay their bill ; for experience
had taught him to be apprehensive of all such travellers,
who commonly lay the landlord under contribution, by
way of atonement for the extravagance of his demands,
even after he has professed his willingness to entertain
them on their own terms.
CHAPTER L.
Peregrine moralizes upon their hehaviowr^ lohich is con-
demned hy the doctor^ and defended hy the governor.
They arrive in safety at Lisle^ dine at an ordinary^
and visit the citadel. The physician quarrels icith a
North Briton^ icho is put in arrest.
These honom-able adventurers being gone, Peregrine,
who was present during the transaction, informed him-
self of the particulars from the mouth of the innkeeper
himself, who took God and the saints to witness that
he should have been a loser by the custom even if the
bill had been paid ; because he was on his guard
against their objections, and had charged every article
at an underprice ; but such was the authority of
officers in France, that he durst not dispute the least
364 THE ADVENTURES OF
circumstance of their will ; for had the case come
under the cognizance of the magistrate, he must in
course have suffered by the maxims of their govern-
ment, which never fail to abet the oppression of the
army; and besides run the risk of incurring their
future resentment, which would be sufficient to ruin
him from top to bottom.
Our hero boiled with indignation at this instance of
injustice and arbitrary power ; and turning to his
governor, asked if this too was a proof of the happiness
enjoyed by the French people. Jolter replied, that
every human constitution must in some things be
imperfect ; and owned that in this kingdom gentlemen
were more countenanced than the vulgar, because it
was to be presumed that tlieir own sentiments of
honour and superior qualifications would entitle them
to this pre-eminence, which had also a retrospective
view to the merit of their ancestors, in consideration of
which they were at first ennobled ; but he affirmed
that the innkeeper had misrepresented the magistracy,
which, in France, never failed to punish flagrant out-
rages and abuse, without respect of persons.
The painter approved of the wisdom of the French
government in bridling the insolence of the mob, by
which, he assured them, he had often suffered in his
own person ; having been often bespattered by hackney
coachmen, jostled by di'aymen and porters, and reviled
in the most opprobrious terms by the watermen of
London, where he had once lost his bag and a con-
siderable quantity of hair, which had been cut off by
some rascal, in his passage through Ludgate, during
the Lord Mayor's procession. On the other hand, the
doctor, with great warmth, alleged that those officers
ought to suffer death, or banishment at least, for having
plundered the people in this manner, which was so
I
I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 365
impudent and barefaced as plainly to prove they were
certain of escaping with impunity, and that they were
old offenders in the same degree of delinquency. He
said, that the greatest man in Athens would have been
condemned to perpetual exile, and seen his estate con-
fiscated for public use, had he dared in such a licen-
tious manner to violate the rights of a fellow-citizen ;
and as for the little affronts to which a man may be
subject from the petulance of the multitude, he looked
upon them as glorious indications of liberty, which
ought not to be repressed, and would at any time
rejoice to find himself overthrown in a kennel by the
insolence of a son of freedom, even though the fall
should cost him a limb; adding, by way of illustra-
tion, that the greatest pleasure he ever enjoyed was in
seeing a dustman wilfully overturn a gentleman's coach,
in which two ladies were bruised, even to the danger
of their lives. Pallet, shocked at the extravagance of
this declaration, ' If that be the case,' said he, ' I wish
' you may see every bone in your body broken by the
' first carman you meet in the streets of London.'
This argument being discussed, and the reckoning-
discharged without any deduction, although the land-
lord, in stating the articles, had an eye to the loss he
had sustained by his own countrymen, tliey departed
from Arras, and arrived in safety at Lisle, about two
o'clock in the afternoon.
They had scarcely taken possession of their lodgings,
in a large hotel on the Grande Place, when the inn-
keeper gave them to understand that he kept an ordinary
below, which was frequented by several English gen-
tlemen who resided in town, and that dinner was then
upon the table. Peregrine, who ^s^ei zed alL oppo r-
liinitips ,of^ observing j iew ^£ lLar.Qg ters, persuaded his
company to dine in public ; and they were accordingly
i^(jQ THE ADVENTURES OF
conducted to the place, where they found a mixture
of Scotch and Dutch officers who had come from Hol-
land to learn their exercises at the academy, and some
gentlemen in the French service who were upon gar-
rison duty in the citadel. Among these last was a
person about the age of fifty, of a remarkably genteel
air and polite address, dignified with a Maltese cross,
and distinguished by the particular veneration of all
those who knew him. AVhen he understood that Pickle
and his friends were travellers, he accosted the youth
in English, which he spoke tolerably well ; and as they
were stranofers, offered to attend them in the afternoon
to all the places worth seeing in Lisle. Our hero
thanked him for his excess of politeness, which, he
said, was peculiar to the French nation; and struck
with his engaging appearance, industriously courted
his conversation, in the course of which he learnt that
this chevalier was a man of good sense and great ex-
perience, that he was perfectly well acquainted with
the greatest part of Europe, had lived some years in
England, and was no stranger to the constitution and
genius of that people.
Having dined, and drunk to the healths of the
English and French kings, two fiaci'es were called,
in one of which the knight, with one of his com-
panions, the governor, and Peregrine, seated them-
selves, the other being occupied by the physician,
Pallet, and two Scottish officers, who proposed to
accompany them in their circuit. The first place they
visited was the citadel, round the ramparts of which
they walked, under the conduct of the knight, who
explained with great accuracy the intention of every
particular fortification belonging to that seemingly-
impregnable fortress; and when they had satisfied
their curiosity, took coach again, in order to view the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 367
arsenal, wliicli stands in anotlier quarter of tlie town ;
but just as Pickle's carriage had crossed the Pro-
menade, he heard his name bawled aloud by the
painter; and ordering the fiacre to stop, saw Pallet
with one half of his body thrust out at the window of
the other coach, crying with a terrified look, ' Mr.
' Pickle, Mr. Pickle, for the love of God ! halt, and
' prevent bloodshed, else here will be carnage and
' cutting of throats.' Peregrine, surprised at this
exclamation, immediately alighted, and advancing to
the other vehicle, found one of their military com-
panions standing upon the ground, at the further side
of the coach, with his sword drawn, and fury in his
countenance; and the physician, with a quivering lip
and haggard aspect, struggling with the other, who
had interposed in the quarrel and detained him in his
place.
Our young gentleman, upon inquiry, found that
this animosity had sprung from a dispute that hap-
pened upon the ramparts touching the strength of
the fortification, which the doctor, according to custom,
undervalued, because it was a modern work ; saying,
that by the help of the military engines used among
the ancients, and a few tliousands of pioneers, he would
engage to take it in less than ten days after he should
sit down before it. The North Briton, who was as
great a pedant as the physician, having studied fortifi-
cation, and made himself master of Ceesar's ' Com-
* mentaries ' and Polybius, with the observations of
Folard, affirmed, that all the methods of besieging
practised by the ancients would be utterly ineffectual
against such a plan as that of the citadel of Lisle ; and
began to compare the Vinese, Aggeres, Arietes, Scor-
piones, and Catapultse, of the Eomans, with the
trenches, mines, batteries, and mortars, used in the
3G8 THE ADVENTURES OF
present art of war. The republican, finding himself
attacked upon what he thought his strong side, sirna-
moned all his learning to his aid; and describing the
fiimous siege of Plato^a, happened to misquote a
passage of Thucydides, in which he was corrected
by the other, who, having been educated for the
Church, was also a connoisseur in the Greek language.
The doctor, incensed at being detected in such a
blunder in the presence of Pallet, who, he knew,
would promulgate his shame, told the officer, with
great arrogance, that his objection was frivolous, and
that he must not pretend to dispute on these matters
with one who had considered them with the utmost
accuracy and care. His antagonist, piqued at this
supercilious insinuation, replied with great heat, that
for aught he knew tlie doctor might be a very expert
apothecary, but that in the art of war, and knowledge
in the Glreek tongue, he was no otlier than an ignorant
pretender. This asseveration produced an answer full
of virulence, including a national reflection upon the
soldier's country ; and the contention rose to mutual
abuse, when it was suppressed by the admonitions of
the other two, who begged they would not expose
themselves in a strange place, but behave themselves
like fellow-subjects and friends. They accordingly
ceased reviling each other, and the affair was seem-
ingly forgotten; but after they had resumed their
places in the coach, the painter unfortunately asked
the meaning of the word tortoise, which he had heard
them mention among the Roman implements of war.
This question was answered by the physician, who
d-escribed the nature of this expedient so little to the
satisfaction of the officer, that he contradicted him
flatly in the midst of his explanation ; a circumstance
which provoked the republican to such a degree, that
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 369
in the temerity of his passion, he uttered the epithet
impertinent scoundrel I which was no sooner pronounced
than the Caledonian made manual application to his
nose, and leaping out of the coach, stood waiting for
liim on the plain ; while he (the physician) made feeble
efforts to join him, being easily retained by the other
soldier; and Pallet, dreading the consequence in
which he himself might be involved, 4i^llQwe6[/ aloud'
for prevention. '^^___-^"'^^
Our hero endeavoured to quiet the commotion, by
representing to the Scot that he had already taken
satisfaction for the injury he had received, and telling
the doctor that he had deserved the chastisement which
was inflicted upon him ; but the officer (encouraged
perhaps by the confusion of his antagonist) insisted
upon his asking pardon for what he had said ; and
the doctor, believing himself under the protection
of his friend Pickle, far from agreeing to such con-
cession, ^reathed nothing but defiance and revenge 5
so that the chevalier, in order to prevent mischief, put
the soldier under arrest, and sent him to his lodgings
under the care of the other French gentleman, and
his own companion ; they being also accompanied by
Mr. Jolter, who, having formerly seen all the curio-
sities of Lisle, willingly surrendered his place to the
physician.
VOL. ITI. 24
370 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTEE LI.
Pickle engages with a Knight of Malta in a conversation
upon the English stage^ which is folloioed hy a disser-
tation on the theatres of the ancients hy the doctor.
The rest of the company proceeded to the arsenal,
wliicli havmg viewed, together with some remarkable
churches, they in their retm-n went to the comedy, and
saw the ' Cid of Corneille ' tolerably well represented.
In consequence of this entertainment, the discourse at
supper turned upon dramatic performances; and all
the objections of Mons. de Scudery to the piece they
had seen acted, together with the decision of the
French academy, were canvassed and discussed. The
knight was a man of letters and taste, and particularly
well acquainted with the state of the English stage ;
so that when the painter boldly pronounced sentence
against the French manner of acting, on the sti-ength
of having frequented a Covent Garden club of critics,
and been often admitted, by virtue of an order, into
the pit, a comparison immediately ensued, not be-
tween the authors but the actors of both nations, to
whom the chevalier and Peregrine were no strangers.
Our hero, like a good Englishman, made no scruple of
giving the preference to the performers of his own
country, who, he alleged, obeyed the genuine impulses
of nature in exhibiting the passions of the human
mind, and entered so warmly into the spirit of their
several parts, that they often fancied themselves the
very heroes they represented. Whereas the action of
the Parisian players, even in their most interesting
characters, was generally such an extravagance in
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 371
voice and gesture as is nowhere to be observed but on
the stage. To illustrate this assertion, he availedT"
himself of his talent, and mimicked the manner and
voice of all the principal performers, male and female,
belonging to the French comedy, to the admiration of
the chevalier, who, having complimented him upon
this surprising modulation, begged leave to dissent in
some particulars from the opinion he had avowed.
That you have good actors in England,' said he, ' it.^*
would be unjust and absurd in me to deny; your
theatre is adorned by one woman, whose sensibility
and sweetness of voice is such as I have never ob-
served on any other stage ; she has, besides, an
elegance of person and expression of features, that
wonderfully adapt her for the most engaging cha-
racters of your best plays ; and I must freely own that
I have been as highly delighted and as deeply affected
by a Monimia and Belvidera at London as ever I was
by a Cornelia and Cleopatra at Paris. Your favourite
actor is a surprising geiiius. You can, moreover, boast
of several comic actors who are perfect masters of buf-
foonery and grimace ; though, to be free with you,
I think, in these qualifications you are excelled by
the players of Amsterdam. Yet one of your graciosos
I cannot admire in all the characters he assumes.
His utterance is a continual sing-song, like the
chanting of vespers, and his action resembles that of
heaving ballast into the hold of a ship. In his
outward deportment he seems to have confounded
the ideas of dignity and insolence of mien, acts the
crafty, cool, designing Crookback, as a loud, shal-
low, blustering Hector ; in the character of the mild
patriot Brutus, loses all temper and decorum ; nay, so
ridiculous is the behaviour of him and Cassias at
their interview, that, setting foot to foot, and grinning
24—2
372 THE ADVENTURES OF
at each other with the aspect of two cobblers enraged,
they thrust their left sides together, with repeated
shocks, that the hilts of their swords may clash for
the entertainment of the audience, as if they were a
couple of merry-andrews, endeavouring to raise the
laugh of the vulgar on some scaffold at Bartholomew
fair. The despair of a great man who falls a sacrifice
to the infernal practices of a subtle traitor that en-
joyed his confidence, this English iEsopus repre-
sents by beating his own forehead and bellowing like
a bull ; and indeed, in almost all his most interesting-
scenes, performs such strange shakings of the head,
and other antic gesticulations, that, when I first saw
him act, I imagined the poor man laboured under
that paralytical disorder which is known by the name
of St. Vitus' s dance. In short, he seems to be a
stranger to the more refined sensations of the soul,
consequently his expression is of the vulgar kind,
and he must often sink under the idea of the poet,
so that he has recourse to such violence of affected
agitation as imposes upon the undiscerning spectator,
but, to the eye of taste, evinces him a mere player of
that class whom your admired Shakespeare justly
compares to Nature's journeymen tearing a passion
to rags. Yet this man, in spite of all these absurdities,
is an admirable Falstaff, exhibits the character of the
eighth Henry to the life, is reasonably applauded in
the Plain Dealer, excels in the part of Sir John
Brute, and would be equal to many humorous situa-
tions in low comedy, which his pride will not allow
him to undertake. I should not have been so severe
upon this actor, had I not seen him extolled by his
partisans with the most ridiculous and fulsome mani-
festations of praise, even in those very circumstances
wherein, as I have observed, he chiefly fails.'
PEREGRmE PICKLE. 373
Pickle, not a little piqued to hear the qualifications
of such a celebrated actor in England treated with
such freedom and disrespect, answered with some
asperity, that the chevalier was a true critic, more
industrious in observing the blemishes than in ac-
knowledging the excellence of those who fell under
his examination.
It was not to be supposed that one actor could
shine equally in all characters ; and though his ob-
servations were undoubtedly very judicious, he him-
self could not help wondering that some of them had
always escaped his notice, though he had been an
assiduous frequenter of the playhouse. ' The player in
question,' said he, 'has, in your own opinion, con-
siderable share of merit in the characters of comic
life ; and as to the manners of the great personages in
tragedy, and the operations of the grand passions of
the soul, I apprehend they may be variously repre-
sented, according to the various complexion and culti-
vation of different men. A Spaniard, for example,
though impelled by the same passion, will express it
very differently from a Frenchman; and what is looked
upon as a graceful vivacity and address by the one
would be considered as impertinence and foppery by
the other : nay, so opposite is your common deport-
ment from that of some other nations, that one of
your own countrymen in the relation of his travels,
observes that the Persians even of this age, when
they see any man perform unnecessary gestures, say
he is either a fool or Frenchman. The standard of
demeanour being thus unsettled, a Turk, a Moor, an
Indian, or inhabitant of any country, whose customs
and dress are widely different from ours, may, in his
sentiments, possess all the dignity of the human heart,
and be inspired by the noblest passion that animates
374 THE ADVENTURES OF
' the soul, and yet excite the laughter rather than the
' respect of an European spectator.
' When I first behekl your famous Parisian stage
' heroine in one of her principal parts, her attitudes
' seemed so violent, and she tossed her arms around
' with such extravagance, that she put me in mind of
' a windmill under the agitation of a hard gale ; while
' her voice and features exhibited the lively repre-
' sentation of an English scold. The action of your
' favourite male performer was, in my opinion, equally
' unnatural ; he appeared with the affected airs of a
' dancing-master ; at the most pathetic junctures of his
' fate, he lifted up his hands above his head, like
' a tumbler going to vault, and spoke as if his throat
' had been obstructed by a hairbrush 5 yet, when I
' compared their manners with those of the people
' before whom they performed, and made allowance
^ for that exaggeration which obtains on all theatres,
' I was insensibly reconciled to their method of per-
' formance, and I could distinguish abundance of
' merit beneath that oddity of appearance.'
The chevalier perceiving Peregrine a little irritated
at what he had said, asked pardon for the liberty he
had taken, in censuring the English players, assuring
him that he had an infinite veneration for the British
learning, genius, and taste, which were so justly dis-
tinguished in the world of letters ; and that, notwith-
standing tlie severity of his criticism, he thought the
theatre of London much better supplied with actors than
that of Paris. The young gentleman thanked him
for his polite condescension, at which Pallet exulted,
saying, with a shake of the head, ' I believe so too,
' Monsieur;' and the physician, impatient of the
dispute in which he had borne no share, observed,
with a supercilious air, that the modern stage was
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 375
altogether beneath the notice of one who had an idea
of ancient magnificence and execution; that plays
ought to be exhibited at the expense of the state, as
those of Sophocles were by the Athenians; and that
proper judges should be appointed for receiving or
rejecting all such performances as are offered to the
public.
He then described the theatre at Rome, which con-
tained eighty thousand spectators ; gave them a learned
disquisition into the nature of the persona^i or mask,
worn by the Eoman actors, which, he said, was a
machine that covered the whole head, furnished on
the inside with a brazen concavity, that by re-
verberating the sound as it issued from the mouth,
raised the voice so as to render it audible to such
an extended audience. He explained the difference
between the Saltator and Declamator, one of whom
acted, while the other rehearsed the part ; and thence
took occasion to mention the perfection of their pan-
tomimes, who were so amazingly distmct in the exer-
cise of their art, that a certain prince of Pontus being
at the court of Nero, and seeing one of them repre-
sent a story, begged him of the emperor, in order
to employ him as an interpreter among barbarous
nations, whose language he did not understand. Nay,
divers cynic philosophers, who had condemned this
entertainment unseen, when they chanced to be eye-
witnesses of their admirable dexterity, expressed their
sorrow for having so long debarred themselves of such
rational enjoyment.
He dissented, however, from the opinion of Pere-
grine, who, as a proof of their excellence, had ad-
vanced, that some of the English actors fancied them-
selves the very thing they represented, and recounted
a story from Lucian of a certain celebrated pantomime
376 THE ADVENTURES OF
who, in acting the part of Ajax in his frenzy, was
transported into a real fit of delirium, during which
he tore to pieces the clothes of that actor who stalked
before him, beating the stage with iron shoes in order
to increase the noise, snatched an instrument from one
of the musicians, and broke it over the head of him
who represented Ulysses ; and running to the consular
bench, mistook a couple of senators for the sheep which
were to be slain. The audience applauded him to
the skies; but so conscious was the mimic of his
own extravagance when he recovered the use of his
reason, that he actually fell sick with mortifica tion,
and being afterwards desired to re-act the piece, flatly
refused to appear in any such character, saying that
the shortest follies were the best, and that it was suffi-
cient for him to have been a madman once m his life.
CHAPTER LIT.
An adventure hapyens to Pipes^ in consequence ofioMch
he is dismissed from Peregrine s service. The whole
company set out for Ghent in the diligence. Our hero
is captivated by a lady in that carriage; interests her
spiritual director in his behalf.
The doctor, being fairly engaged on the subject of
the ancients, would have proceeded the Lord knows
how far, without hesitation, had not he been inter-
rupted by the arrival of Mr. Jolter, who in great
confusion told them that Pipes, having affi'onted a
soldier, was then surrounded in the street, and would
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 377
certainly be pnt to death if some person of authority
did not immediately interpose in his behalf.
Peregrine no sooner learned the danger of his trusty
squire than, snatching up his sword, he ran downstairs,
and was followed by the chevalier, entreating him
to leave the affair to his management. Within ten
yards of the door they found Tom with his back to a
wall, defending himself manfully with a mopstick
against the assault of three or four soldiers, who at
sight of the Maltese cross desisted from the attack, and
were taken into custody by order of the knight. One
of the aggressors being an Irishman, begged to be
heard with great importunity, before he should be
sent to the guard ; and by the mediation of Pickle, was
accordingly brought into the hotel with his companions,
all three bearing upon their heads and faces evident
marks of their adversary's prowess and dexterity. The
spokesman being confronted with Pipes, informed the
company that, having by accident met with Mr. Pipes,
whom he considered as his countryman, though fortune
had disposed of them in different services, he invited
him to drink a glass of wine ; and accordingly carried
him to a ca&a?'e^, where he introduced him to his
comrades ; but in the course of the conversation, which
turned upon the power and greatness of the kings of
France and England, Mr. Pipes had been pleased to
treat his most Christian Majesty with great disrespect ;
and when he (the entertainer) expostulated with him
in a friendly manner about his impolite behaviour,
observing that he, being in the French service, would
be under the necessity of resenting his abuse, if he did
not put a stop to it before the other gentlemen of the
cloth should comprehend his meaning, he had set them
all three at defiance, dishonoured him in particular
with the opprobrious epithet of rebel to his native king
378 THE ADVENTURES OF
and Gountrij, and even drank, in broken Frencli,_tajtkfi_
;g£idiJLiQn__oflLiewis and all his adherents ; that, com-
pelled by this outrageous conduct, he, as the person
who had recommended him to their society, had, in
vindication of his own character, demanded satis-
faction of the delinquent, who, on pretence of fetching
a sword, had gone to his lodging, whence he all on
a sudden sallied upon them with the mopstick, which
he employed in the annoyance of them all without
distinction, so that they were obliged to draw in their
own defence.
Pipes being questioned by his master with regard to
the truth of this account, owned that every circum-
stance was justly represented ; saying he did not value
their cheese-toasters a pinch of oakum ; and that if the
gentleman had not shot in betwixt them, he would,
have trimmed them to such a tune, that they should
not have had a whole yard to square. )(Peregrine repri-
manded him sharply for his unmannerly behaviour,
and insisted upon his asking pardon of those he had
injured upon the spot. But no consideration was
ef&cacious enough to produce such concession ; to this
command he was both deaf and dumb, and the re-
peated threats of his master had no more effect than
if they had been addressed to a marble statue . At
length our hero, incensed at his obstinacy, started up,
and would have chastised him with manual operation,
had not he been prevented by the chevalier, who found
means to moderate his indignation so fir, that he con-
tented himself with dismissing the offender from his
service; and after having obtained the discharge of
the prisoners, gave them a Louis to drink, by way of
recompense for the disgrace and damage they had
sustained.
The knight perceiving our young gentleman very
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 379
mncli riifflecl at this accident, and reflecting upon tlie
extraordinary deportment and appearance of his valet,
whose hair had by this time adopted a grizzled hue,
imagined he was some favourite domestic who had
grown grey in the service of his master's family, and
that, of consequence, he was uneasy at the sacrifice he
had made. Swayed by this conjecture, he earnestly
solicited in his behalf; but all he could obtain was
a promise of re-admitting him into favour on the terms
already proposed, or at least on condition that he
should make his acknowledgment to the chevalier
for his want of reverence and respect for the French
monarch.
Upon this condescension, the culprit was called up-
stairs, and made acquainted with the mitigation of his
fate; upon which he said, he would down on his
marrow-bones to his own master, but would be d — •
before he would ask pardon of e'er a Frenchman in
Christendom. Pickle, exasperated at this blunt decla-
ration, ordered him out of his presence, and charged
him never to appear before his face again ; while the
officer in vain employed all his influence and address
to appease his resentment, and about midnight took his
leave with marks of mo rtific ation at his want of
success.
Next day the company agreed to travel through
Flanders in the diligence^ by the advice of Peregrine,
who was not without hope of meeting with some ad-
venture or amusement in that carriao;e; and Jolter took
care to secure places for them all, it being resolved
that the valet-de-chambre and the doctor's man should
attend the vehicle on horseback ; and as for the forlorn
Pipes, he was left to reap the fruits of his stubborn dis-
position, notwithstanding the united efforts of the whole
triumvirate, who endeavoured to procure his pardon.
380 THE ADVENTURES OF
Every previous measure being thus taken, they set
out from Lisle about six in the morning, and found
themselves in the company of a female adventurer, a
very handsome young lady, a Capuchin, and a Rot-
terdam Jew. Our young gentleman, being the first of
this society that entered, surveyed the strangers with
an attentive eye, and seated himself immediately be-
hind the beautiful unknown, who at once attracted his
attention. Pallet seeing another lady unengaged, in
imitation of his friend took possession of her neighbour-
hood ; the physician paired with the priest, and Jolter
sat down by the Jew.
The machine had not proceeded many furlongs when
Pickle, accosting the fair incognita, congratulated him-
self upon his happiness in being the fellow-traveller of
so charming a lady. She, without the least reserve or
affectation, thanked him for his compliment, and re-
plied with a sprightly air, that, now they were em-
barked in one common bottom, they must club their
endeavours to make one another as happy as the nature
of their situation would permit them to be. Encour-
aged by this fi-ank intimation, and captivated by her
fine black eyes and easy behaviour, he attached him-
self to her from that moment ; and in a little time the
conversation became so particular, that the Capuchin
thought proper to interfere in the discourse, in such a
manner as gave the youth to understand that he was
there on purpose to superintend her conduct. He was
doubly rejoiced at this discovery, in consequence of
which he hoped to profit in his addresses, not only by
the young lady's restraint, that never fails to operate in
behalf of the lover, but also by the corruptibility of
her guardian, whom he did not doubt of rendering
propitious to his cause. Flushed with these expecta-
tions, he behaved with uncommon complacency to the
I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. ~ 381
father, who was charmed with the affability of his
carriage, and on the faith of his generosity abated of
his vigilance so much, that our hero carried on his
suit without further molestation ; while the painter, in
signs and loud bursts of laug hte r, conversed witli his
rhi1ci\] en. , . who was perfectly well versed in these
simple expressions of satisfaction, and had already
found means to make a dangerous invasion upon his
heart.
Nor were the governor and physician unemployed
while their friends interested themselves in this aciree-
able manner. Jolter no sooner perceived the Hollander
was a Jew than he entered into an investigation of the
Hebrew tongue, in which he was a connoisseur ; and
the doctor at the same time attacked the mendicant on
the ridiculous maxims of his order, together with the
impositions of priestcraft in general, which he observed
prevail scf much among those who profess the Boman
Catholic religion.
Thus coupled, each committee enjoyed their own
conversation apart, without any danger of encroach-
ment ; and all were so intent upon their several topics
that they scarcely allowed themselves a small interval
in viewing the desolation of Menin as they passed
through that ruined frontier. About twelve o'clock
they arrived at Courtray, where the horses are always
changed, and the company halt an hour for refresh-
ment. Here Peregrine handed his charmer into an
apartment, where she was joined by the other lady,
and, on pretence of seeing some of the churches in
town, put himself under the direction of the Capuchin,
from whom he learned that the young lady was wife
to a French gentleman, to whom she had been married
about a year; and that she Avas now on her journey to
visit her mother, who lived in Brussels, and who at
382 THE ADVENTURES OF
that time laboured under a lingering distemper, which,
in all probability, would soon put a period to her life.
He then launched out in praise of her daughter's virtue
and conjugal affection ; and lastly told him, that he was
her father-confessor, and pitched upon to be her con-
ductor through Flanders by her husband, who, as
well as his wife, placed the utmost confidence in his
prudence and integrity.
Pickle easily comprehended the meaning of this
insmuation, and took the hint accordingly. He tickled
the priest's vanity with extraordinary encomiums upon
the disinterested principles of his order, which were
detached from all worldly pursuits, and altogether
devoted to the eternal salvation of mankind. He
applauded their patience, humility, and learning, and
lavished a world of praise upon their talent in
preaching, which he said had more than once operated
so powerfully upon him, that had he not been re-
strained by certain considerations which he could not
possibly waive, he should have embraced their tenets,
and begged admission into their fraternity ; but, as the
circumstances of his fate would not permit him to take
such a salutary measure for the present, he entreated the
good father to accept a small token of his love and
respect for the benefit of that convent to which he
belonged. So saying, he pulled out a purse of ten
guineas, which the Capuchin observing, he turned his
head another way, and lifting up his arm, displayed a
pocket almost as high as his collar-bone, in which he
deposited the money.
This proof of affection for the order produced a
sudden and surprising effect upon the friar. In the
transport of his zeal he wrung this semi-convert's hand,
showered a thousand benedictions upon his head, and
exhorted him, with the tears flowing from his eyes, to
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 383
perfect tlie great work which the finger of God had
begun in his heart ; and, as an instance of his concern
for the welfare of his precious soul, the holy brother
promised to recommend him strenuously to the pious
admonitions of the young woman under his care, who
was a perfect saint upon earth, and endued with the
peculiar gift of mollifying the hearts of obdurate
sinners. ' Oh, father ! ' cried the hypocritical pro-
jector, who by this time perceived that this money was
not thrown away, ' if I could be favoured but for one
' half-hour with the private instruction of that inspired
' devotee, my mind presages that I should be a strayed
' sheep brought back into the fold, and that I should
' find easy entrance at the gates of heaven ! There is
' something supernatural in her aspect. I gaze upon
' her with the most pious fervour, and my whole soul
' is agitated with tumults of hope and despair ! '
Having pronounced this rhapsody with transport half-
natural and half-affected, the_ pripst nssnred hiin thni
these_were_Qp£nitions of the spirit ^whi ch mu st t^^^ h^
repressed ; and comforted him with the hope of enjoy-
ing the blessed interview which he desired, protesting
that, as far as his influence extended, his wish should
be that very evening indulged. The gracious pupil
thanked him for his benevolent concern, which he
swore should not be squandered upon an ungrateful
object ; and the rest of the company interrupting the
conversation, they returned in a body to the inn, where
they dined all together ; and the ladies were persuaded
to be our hero's guests.
As the subjects on which they had been engaged
before dinner were not exhausted, each brace resumed
their former theme when they were replaced in the
diligence. The painter's mistress finished her con-
quest, by exerting her skill in the art of ogling, accom-
384 THE ADVENTURES OF
paniecl by frequent bewitching sighs, and some tender
French songs that she sang with such pathetic expres-
sion as quite melted the resohition of Pallet, and
utterly subdued his affection : and he, to convince her
of the importance of her victory, gave a specimen of
his own talents, by entertaining her with that cele-
brated English ditty, the burden of which begins with
' The pigs they lie loith their a — 5 hare.^
CHAPTER LIII.
He makes some progress in her affections; is inter-
rupted hy a dispute between Jolter and a Jew;
appeases the lorath of the Capuchin^ icho procures
for him an interview loith his fair enslaver^ in lohich
he finds himself deceived.
Peregrine, meanwhile, emploj-ed all his insinuation
and address in practising upon the heart of the Capu-
chin's fair charge. He had long ago declared his
passion, not in the superficial manner of a French
gallant, but with all the ardour of an enthusiast. He
had languished, vowed, flattered, kissed her hand by
stealth, and had no reason to complain of his recep-
tion. Though, by a man of a less sanguine disposition,
her particular complaisance would have been deemed
equivocal, and perhaps nothing more than the effect of
French breeding and constitutional vivacity, he gave
his own qualifications credit for the whole, and with
these sentiments carried on the attack with such un-
abathig vigour, that she was actually prevailed upon
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 385
to accept a ring, which he presented as a token of his
esteem ; and everything proceeded in a most prosperous
train, when they were disturbed by the governor and
Israehte, who in the heat of disputation raised their
voices, and^jDOured fortk-such effusions^ of guttural as
set our lover's teeth on edge. As they spoke in a
language unknown to every one in the carriage but
themselves, and looked at each other with mutual
animosity and rancour, Peregrine desired to know the
cause of their contention. Upon which, Jolter ex-
claimed, in a furious tone, ' This learned Levite,
' forsooth, has the impudence to tell me that I don't
' understand Hebrew ; and affirms that the word
' Benoni signifies cliild of joy ; whereas I can prove,
' and indeed have already said enough to convince any
' reasonable man, that in the Septuagint it is rightly
' translated into son of my sorroio.^ Having thus
explained himself to his pupil, he turned to the priest,
with intention to appeal to his determination ; but the
Jew pulled him by the sleeve with great eagerness,
saying, ' For the love of God ! be quiet, the Capuchin
' will discover who we are ! ' Jolter, offended at this
conjunction, echoed, ' Who we are! ' with great emphasis,
and repeating nos poma 7iatamus^ asked, ironically, to
wliich of the tribes the Jew thought he belonged ?
The Levite, affronted at his comparing him to a ball
of horse-dung, replied, with a most significant grin,
* To the tribe of Issacliar.' His antagonist, taking the
advantage of his unwillingness to be known by the
friar, and prompted by revenge for the freedom he had
used, answered, in the French language, that the
judgment of God was still manifest upon their whole
race, not only in their being in the state of exiles from
their native land, but also in the spite of their hearts
and pravity of their dispositions, which demonstrate
VOL. HI. 25
386 THE ADVENTURES OF
them to be tlie genuine offspring of tliose who crucified
the Saviour of the workl.
His expectation was, however, defeated ; the priest
himself was too deeply engaged to attend to the
debates of other people. |3^1§JBkl§i5i5;IbJ^^L^^B^^^i^
aTid_Jiisolence__of_his learning, had undertaken to
displa y the ab surdity of the Christian faith; having
already, as he thought, confuted the Capuchin,
touching the points of belief in which the Eoman
Catholics differ from the rest of the world. But not
contented with the imagined victory he had gained,
he began to strike at the fundamentals of religion;
and the father, with incredible forbearance, suffered
him to make very free with the doctrine of the Trinity;
but when he levelled the shafts of his ridicule at the
immaculate conception of the Blessed Virgin, the good
man's patience forsook him, his eyes seemed to kindle
with indignation, he trembled in every joint, and
uttered with a loud voice, ' You are an abominable —
' I will not call thee heretic, for thou art worse,
' if possible, than a Jew ; you deserve to be enclosed
' in a furnace seven times heated, and I have good
' mind to lodge an information against you vv'ith the
' governor of Ghent, that you may be apprehended
* and punished as an impious blasphemer.'
This menace operated like a charm upon all present.
The doctor was confounded, the governor dismayed,
the Levite's teeth chattered, the painter was astonished
at the general confusion, the cause of which he could
not comprehend ; and Pickle himself, not a little alarmed,
was obliged to use a lLilLS interes t and assiduity in ap-
peasing this son of the Church, who at length, in con-
sideration of the friendship he professed for the young
gentleman, consented to forgive what had passed, but
absolutely refused to sit in contact with such a profane
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 387
wretch, whom he looked upon as a fiend of darkness,
sent by the enemy of mankind to poison the minds of
weak people ; so that, after having crossed himself,
and muttered certain exorcisms, he insisted upon the
doctor's changing places with the Jew, who approached
the offended ecclesiastic in an agony of fear.
Matters being thus compromised, the conversation
flowed in a more general channel; and, without the
intervention of any other accident or bone of conten-
tion, the carriage arrived at the city of Ghent about
seven in the evening. Supper being bespoken for the
whole company, our adventurer and his friends went
out to take a superficial view of the place, leaving his
new mistress to the pious exhortations of her confessor,
whom (as we have already observed) he had secured
in hi^^interest. This zealous mediator spoke so warmly
in his commendation, and interested her conscience so
much in the affair, that she could not refuse her help-
ing hand to the great work of his conversion, and pro-
mised to grant the interview he desired.
This agreeable piece of intelligence, which the
Capuchin communicated to Peregrine at his return,
elevated his spirits to such a degree that he shone at
supper with uncommon brilliance, in a thousand sallies
of wit and pleasantry, to the admiration and deliglit of
all present, especially of his fair Fleming, who seemed
quite captivated by his person and behaviour.
The evening being thus spent to the satisfaction of
all parties, tlie company broke up, and retired to their
several apartments, when our lover, to his unspeakable
moi;tification, learned that the two ladies were obliged
to lie in the same room, all the other chambers of the
inn being pre-occupied. When he imparted this diffi-
culty to the priest, that charitable father, who was
very fruitful in expedients, assured him that his
25—2
388 THE ADVENTURES OF
spiritual concerns should not be obstructed by such
a slender impediment ; and accordingly availed him-
self of his prerogative, by going into his daughter's
chamber when she was almost undressed, and leading
her into his own, on pretence of administering salutary
food for her soul. Having brought the two votaries
together, he prayed for success to the operations of
grace, and left them to their mutual meditations, after
having conjured them in the most solemn manner to
let no impure sentiments or temptations of the flesh
interfere with the hallowed design of their meeting.
The reverend intercessor being gone, and the door
fastened on the inside, the pseudo-convert, transported
with his passion, threw himself at his Amanda's feet ;
and begging she would spare him the tedious form of
addresses, which the nature of their interview would
not permit him to observe, began with all the im-
petuosity of love to make the most of the occasion.
But whether she was displeased by the intrepidity and
assurance of his behaviour, thinking herself entitled
to more courtship and respect, or was really better
fortified with chastity than he or his procurer had
supposed her to be ; certain it is, she expressed resent-
ment and surprise at his boldness and presumption,
and upbraided him with having imposed upon the
charity of the friar. The young gentleman was really
as much astonished at this rebuff" as she pretended to
be at his declaration, and earnestly entreated her to
consider how precious the moments were, and for once
sacrifice supei-fluous ceremony to the happiness of one
who adored her with such a flame as could not fail to
consume his vitals if she would not deign to bless him
with her favour. Notwithstanding all his tears, vows,
and supplications, his personal accomplishments, and
the tempting opportunity, all that he could obtain was
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 389
fin acknowledgment of his having made an impression
upon her heart, which she hoped the dictates of her
duty would enable her to erase. This confession he
considered as a delicate consent ; and obeying the
impulse of his love, snatched her up in his arms, with
an intention of seizing that which she decHned to give;
when this French Lucretia, unable to defend her virtue
any other way, screamed aloud; and the Capuchin,
setting his shoulder to the door, forced it open, and
entered in an affected ecstasy of amazement. He lifted
up his hands and eyes, and gj^tended to be thunder-
struck at the discovery he had made ; then, in broken
exclamations, professed his horror at the wicked inten-
tion of our hero, who had covered such a damnable
scheme with the mask of religion.
In short, he performed his cue with such dexterity,
that the lady, believing him in earnest, begged he
would forgive the stranger, on account of his youth and
education, which had been tainted by the errors of
heresy ; and he was on these considerations content to
accept the submission of our hero, who, far from re-
nouncing his expectations, notwithstanding this morti-
fying repulse, confided so much in his talents, and the
confession which his mistress had made, that he resolved
to make another effort, to which nothing could have
prompted him but the utmost turbulence of unruly
desire.
390 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER LIV.
He makes another effort towards the accom.jpUshment of
his iDish^ which is postponed hy a strange accident.
He directed his valet- de-clianibre, who was a thorough-
paced pimp, to kindle some straw in the yard, and then
pass by the door of her apartment, crying with a loud
voice that the house was on fire. This alarm brought
both ladies out of their chambers in a moment, and
Peregrine, taking the advantage of their running to
the street-door, entered the room and concealed him-
self under a large table that stood in an unobserved
I corner. The nymphs, as soon as they understood the
cause of his Mercury's supposed affright, returned to
their apartment, and having said their prayers, un-
fdressed themselves and went to bed. This scene,
Which fell under the observation of Pickle, did not at
all contribute to the cooling of his concupiscence, but
on the contrary inflamed him to such a degree that he
could scarcely restrain his impatience until, by her
breathing deep, he concluded the fellow-lodger of his
Amanda was asleep. This welcome note no sooner
saluted his ears than he crept to his charmer's bedside,
and placing himself on his knees, gently laid hold on
her white hand, and pressed it to his lips. She had
just begun to close her eyes, and enjoy the agreeable
oppression of slumber, when she was roused by this
rape, at which she started, pronouncing in a tone of
surprise and dismay, 'My God! who's that?' The
lover, with the most insinuating humility, besought her
to hear him ; vowing that his intention in approaching
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 39 i
her thus was not to violate the laws of decency or that
indelible esteem which she had engraven on his heart,
but to manifest his sorrow and contrition for the umbrage
he had given, to pour forth the overflowings of his soul,
and tell her that he neither could nor would survive
her displeasure. These and many more pathetic pro-
testations, accompanied with sighs and tears, and other
expressions of grief, which our hero had at command,
could not fail to melt the tender heart of the amiable
Fleming, already prepossessed in favour of his qualifi-
cations. She sympathised so much with his affliction as
to weep in her turn when she represented the impossi-
bility of her rewarding his passion; and he, seizing
the favourable moment, reinforced his solicitations with
such irresistible transports, that her resolution gave
way, she began to breathe quick, expressed her fear of
being overheard by the other lady, and with an ejacu-
lation of ' heavens ! I'm undone ! ' suffered him,
after a faint struggle, to make a lodgment upon the
covered way of her bed. Her honour, however, was
secured for the present by a strange sort of knocking
upon the wainscot, at the other end of the room, hard
by the bed in which the female adventurer lay.
Surprised at this circumstance, the lady begged him
for heaven s sake to retreat, or her reputation would
be ruined for ever ; but when he represented to her that
her character would run a much greater risk if he should
be detected in withdrawing, she consented with great
trepidation to his stay, and they listened in silence to
the sequel of the noise that alarmed them. This was
no other than an expedient of the painter to awaken
his Dulcinea, with whom he had made an assignation,
or at least interchanged such signals as he thought
amounted to a firm appointment. His nymph, being
disturbeci in her first sleep, immediately understood the
392 THE ADVENTURES OF
sound, and true to the agreement, rose, and unbolting
the door as softly as possible, gave him admittance,
leaving it open for his more commodious retreat.
While this happy gallant was employed in disen-
gaging himself from the dishabille in which he had
entered, the Capuchin, suspecting that Peregrine would
make another attempt upon his charge, had crept
silently to the apartment, in order to reconnoitre, lest
the adventure should be achieved without his know-
ledge ; a circumstance that would deprive him of the
profits he might expect from his privity and concur-
rence. Finding the door unlatched his suspicion was
confirmed, and he made no scruple of creeping into the
chamber on all fours ; so that the painter, having
stripped himself to the shirt, in groping about for his
Dulcinea's bed, chanced to lay his hand upon the
shaven crown of the father's head, which, by a circular
motion, the priest began to turn' round in his grasp,
like a ball in a socket, to the surprise and consterna-
tion of poor Pallet, who, having neither penetration to
comprehend the case, nor resolution to withdraw his
fingers from this strange object of his touch, stood
sweating in the dark, and venting ejaculations with
great devotion. The friar, tired with this exercise and
the painful posture in which he stooped, raised himself
gradually upon his feet, heaving up at the same time
the hand of the painter, whose terror and amazement
increased to such a degree at this unaccountable eleva-
tion that his faculties began to fail ; and his palm, in
the confusion of his fright, sliding over the priest's
forehead, one of his fingers happened to slip into his
mouth, and was immediately secured between the
Capuchin's teeth with as firm a fixture as if it had been
screwed in a blacksmith's vice. The painter was so
much disordered by this sudden snap, which ^ tortured
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 393
liim to the bone, that, forgetting all other considera-
tions, he roared aloud, ' Murder ! a fire ! a trap, a
' trap ! help. Christians, for the love of God, help ! '
Our hero, confounded by these exclamations, which he
knew would soon fill the room with spectators, and
incensed at his o^vn m ortif ying disappointment, was
obliged to quit the untasted banquet, and approaching
the cause of his misfortune just as his tormentor had
thought proper to release his finger discharged such a
happy slap between his shoulders as brought him to
the ground with his hideous bellowing ; then, retiring
unperceived to his own chamber, he was one of the
first who returned with a light on pretence of having
been alarmed with his cries. The Capuchin had taken
the same precaution, and followed Peregrine into the
room, pronouncing Benedicite^ and crossing himself
with many marks of astonishment. The physician and
Jolter appearing at the same time, the unfortunate
painter was found lying naked on the floor, m_allthe
ag£aiy_Q£_. horror jmd d ismay, blowino- _ upon his left
haad.^ thatjuing dangling from th e elb ow. The cir-
cumstance of his being found in that apartment, and
the attitude of his affliction, which was extremely
ridiculous, provoked the doctor to a smile, and pro-
duced a small relaxation in the severity of the gover-
nor's countenance; while Pickle, testifying surprise
and concern, lifted him from the ground, and inquired
into the cause of his present situation. Having, after
some recollection, and fruitless endeavours to speak,
recovered the use of his tongue, he told them that the
house was certainly haunted by evil spirits, by which
he had been conveyed, he knew not how, into the
apartment, and afflicted with all the tortures of hell ;
that one of them had made itself sensible of his feeling
in the shape of a round ball of smooth flesh, which
394 THE ADVENTURES OF
turned round under his hand, like an astronomer's
globe, and then, rising up to a surprising height, was
converted into a machine that laid hold on his finger
by a snap, and having pinned him to the spot, he
continued for some moments in unspeakable agony.
At last he said the engine seemed to melt away from
his finger, and he received a sudden thwack upon his
shoulders as if discharged by the arm of a giant, which
overthrew him in an instant upon the floor. The
priest hearing this strange account, pulled out of one
of his pouches a piece of consecrated candle, which he
lighted immediately, and muttered certain mysterious
conjurations. Jolter, imagining that Pallet was drunk,
shook his head, saying he believed the spirit was no-
where but in his own brain. The physician for once
condescended to be a wag, and looking towards one of
the beds, observed that, in his opinion, the painter had
been misled by the flesh, and not by the spirit. The
fair Fleming lay in silent astonishment and affright ;
and her fellow-lodger, in order to acquit herself of all
suspicion, exclaimed with incredible volubility against
the author of this uproar, who, she did not doubt, had
concealed himself in the apartment with a view of
perpetrating some wicked attempt upon her preciouK
virtue, and was punished and prevented by the imme-
diate interposition of heaven. At her desire, therefore,
and at the earnest solicitation of the other lady, he was
conducted to his own bed, and the chamber being
evacuated, they locked their door, fully resolved to
admit no more visitants for that night ; while Peregrine,
mad with seeing the delicious morsel snatched, as it
were, from his very lip, stalked through the passage
like a ghost, in hope of finding some opportunity of
re-entering, till the day beginning to break, he was
obliged to retire, cursing the idiotical conduct of the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 395
painter, which had so unluckily interfered with his
delight.
CHAPTER LV.
They depart from Ghent. Our hero engages in apoli-
tical dispute with his mistress^ whoin he offends., and
pacifies with submission. He practises an expedient
to detain the carriage at Alost^ and confirms the priest
in his interest.
Next day, about one o'clock, after having seen every-
thing remarkable in town, and been present at the
execution of two youths who were hanged for ravish-
ing a whore, they took their departure from Ghent
in the same carriage which had brought them thither,
and the conversation turning upon the punishment
they had seen inflicted, the Flemish beauty expressed
great sympathy and compassion for the unhappy suf-
ferers, who, as she had been informed, had fallen
victims to the malice of the accuser. Her sentiments
were espoused by the company, except the French
lady of pleasure, who, thinking the credit of the sister-
hood concerned in the affair, bitterly inveighed against
the profligacy of the age, and particularly the base
and villanous attempts of man upon the chastity of
the weaker sex, saying, with a look of indignation
directed to the painter, that, for her own part, she
should never be able to manifest the acknowledgment
she owed to Providence for having protected her last
night from the wicked aims of unbridled lust. This
observation introduced a series of jokes at the expense
&h
396 THE ADVENTURES OF
of Pallet, who hung his ears, and sat with a silent
air of dejection, fearing that, through the malevolence
of the physician, this adventure might reach the ears
of his wife. Indeed, though we have made shift to
explain the whole transaction to the reader, it was
an inextricable mystery to every individual in the
diligence^ because the part which was acted by the
Capauchin was known to himself alone, and even he
was utterly ignorant of Pickle being concerned in
the affair ; so that the greatest share of the painter's
sufferings were supposed to be the exaggerations of his
^own extravagant imagination.
In the midst of their discourse on this extraordinary
subject, the driver told them that they were now on
the very spot where a detachment of the allied army
had been intercepted and cut off by the French, and
stopping the vehicle, entertained them with a local
description of the battle of Melle. Upon this occa-
sion the Flemish lady, who, since her marriage, had
become a keen partizan for the French, gave a minute
detail of all the circumstances as they had been re-
presented to her by her husband's brother, who was
in the action. This account, which sunk the number
of French to sixteen, and raised that of the allies to
twenty thousand men, was so disagreeable to truth
as well as to the laudible partiality of Peregrine, that
he ventured to contradict her assertions, and a fierce
dispute commenced, that not only regarded the present
question, but also comprehended all the battles in
which the Duke of Marlborough had commanded
ao-ainst Louis XIV. In the course of these debates
she divested the great general of all the glory he had
acquired, by affirming that every victory he gained
was purposely lost by the French generals, in order
to bring the schemes of Madame de Maintenon into
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 397
discredit; and, as a particular instance, alleged that
while the citadel of Lisle was besieged, Louis said,
in presence of the Dauphin, that if the allies should
be obliged to raise the siege, he would immediately
declare his marriage with that lady ; upon which the
son sent private orders to Marshal BoufEers to sur-
render the place. This strange allegation was supported
by the asseverations of the priest and the courtezan,
and admitted as a truth by the governor, who pre-
tended to have heard it from good authority, while
the doctor sat neutral, as one who thought it scan-
dalous to know the history of such modern events.
The Israelite, being a true Dutchman, listed himself
under the banners of our hero, who, in attempting to
demonstrate the absurdity and improbability of what
they had advanced, raised such a hue and cry against
himself, and being insensibly heated in the alterca-
tion, irritated his Amanda to such a degree, that her
charming eyes kindled with fury, and he saw great
reason to think that if he did not fall upon some
method to deprecate her wrath, she would in a twink-
ling sacrifice all her esteem for him to her zeal for
the glory of the French nation. Moved by this ap-
prehension, his ardour cooled by degrees, and he
insensibly detached himself from the argument, leav-
ing the whole care of supporting it on the Jew, who
finding himself deserted, was fain to yield with dis-
cretion, so that the French remained masters of the
field, and their young heroine resumed her good
humour.
Our hero, having prudently submitted to the superior
intelligence of his fair enslaver, began to be harassed
with the fears of losing her for ever, and set his
invention at work to contrive some means of indem-
nifying himself for his assiduities, presents, and the
398 THE ADVENTURES OF
disappointment he had ah-eady undergone. On pre-
tence of enjoying a freer air, he mounted the box,
and employed his elocution and generosity with such
success, that the driver undertook to disable the
diligence from proceeding beyond the town of Alost
for that day ; and in consequence of his promise, gently
overturned it when they were but a mile short of that
baiting-place. He had taken his measures so dis-
creetly, that this accident was attended with no other
inconvenience than a fit of fear that took possession
of the ladies, and the necessity to which they were
reduced by the declaration of the coachman, who,
upon examining the carriage, assured the company
that the axle-tree had given way, and advised them
to walk forward to the inn, while he would jog after
them at a slow pace, and do his endeavour the damage
should be immediately repaired. Peregrine pretended
to be very much concerned at what had happened,
and even cursed the driver for his inadvertency, ex-
pressing infinite impatience to be at Brussels, and
wishing that this misfortune might not detain them
another night upon the road ; but when his under-
strapper, according to his instructions, came after-
wards to the inn, and gave them to understand that
the workman he had employed could not possibly
refit the machine in less than six hours, the crafty
youth affected to lose all temper, stormed at his emis-
sary, whom he reviled in the most opprobrious terms,
and threatened to cane for his misconduct. The
fellow protested, with great humility, tliat their being
overturned was owing to the failure of the axle-tree,
and not to his want of care or dexterity in driving;
though, rather than be thought the cause of incom-
moding him, he would inquire for a post-chaise, in
which he might depart for Brussels immediately.
PEBEGRINE PICKLE. 399
This expedient Pickle rejected, unless tlie whole com-
pany could be accommodated in the same manner;
and he had been previously informed by the driver
that the town could not furnish more than one vehicle
of that sort. His governor, who was quite ignorant
of his scheme, represented that one night would soon
be passed, and exhorted him to bear this small dis-
appointment with a good grace, especially as the house
seemed to be well provided for their entertainment,
and tiie company so much disposed to be social. The
Cagu^hin, who had found his account in cultivating
the acquaintance of the young stranger, was not ill-
pleased at this event, which might, by protracting the
term of their intercourse, yield him some opportunity
of profiting still further by his liberality : he therefore
joined Mr. Jolter in his admonitions, congratulating
himself upon the prospect of enjoying his conversation
a little longer than he had expected. Our young
gentleman received a compliment to the same purpose
from the Hebrew, who had that day exercised his
gallantry upon the French coquette, and was not with-
out hope of reaping the fruits of his attention; his
rival, the painter, being quite disgraced and dejected
by the adventure of last night. As for the doctor,
he was too much ingrossed in the contemplation of
his own importance to interest himself in the affair,
or its consequences, further than by observing that
European powers ought to establish public games,
like those that were celebrated of old in Greece; in
which case, every state would be supplied with such
dexterous charioteers as would drive a machine at full
speed, within a hair's breadth of a precipice, without
any danger of its being overthrown. Peregrine could
not help yielding to their remonstrances and united
complaisance, for which he thanked them in very polite
400 THE ADVENTURES OF
terras, and his passion seeming to subside, proposed
that they shoiihl amuse themselves in walking round
the ramparts. He hoped to enjoy some private con-
versation with his admired Fleming, who had this whole
day behaved with remarkable reserve. The proposal
being embraced, he, as usual, handed her into the street,
and took all opportunities of promoting his suit ; but
they were attended so closely by her father confessor,
that he foresaw it would be impracticable to accom-
plish his aim without the connivance of that occle-
siastic. This he was obliged to purchase with another
purse, which he offered, and was accepted as a chari-
table atonement for his criminal behaviour during the
interview which the friar had procured for the good
of his soul. The benefaction was no sooner made
than the pious mendicant edged off by little and little,
till he joined the rest of the company, leaving his
generous patron at full liberty to prosecute his purpose.
It is not to be doubted that our adventurer made a
good use of this occasion: he practised a thousand
flowers of rhetoric, and actually exhausted his whole
address in persuading her to have compassion upon
his misery, and indulge him with another private
audience, without which he should run distracted,
and be guilty of extravagances, which in the humanity
of her disposition she would weep to see. But instead
of complying with his request, she chid him severely
for his presumption in persecuting her with his vicious
addresses. She assured him that, although she had
secured a chamber for herself in this place, because
she had no ambition to be better acquainted with the
other lady, he would be in the wrong to disturb her
with another nocturnal visit, for she had determined
to deny him admittance. The lover was comforted
by this hint, which he understood in the true accep-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 401
tation, and his passion being inflamed by the obstacles
he had met with, his heart beat high with the prospect
of possession. These raptures of expectation produced
an inquietude winch disabled him from bearing that
share of the conversation for which he used to be
distinguished. His behaviour at supper was a vicissi-
tude of startings and reveries. The Capuchin, im-
puting this disorder to a second repulse from his
charge, began to be invaded with the apprehension
of being obliged to refund, and in a whisper forbade
our hero to despair.
CHAPTER LVI.
The French coquette ent7'aps the heart of the Jew^ against
ichom Pallett enters into a conspiracy; hy lohich
Peregrine is again disappointed, and the Hehreio s
incontinence exposed.
Meanwhile, the French syren, baulked in her design
upon her English cully, who was so easily disheartened
and hung his ears in manifest despondence, rather than
run the risk of making a voyage that should be alto-
gether unprofitable, resolved to practise her charms
upon the Dutch merchant. She had already made
such innovation upon his heart, that he cultivated
her Avith peculiar complacency, gazed upon her with
a most libidinous stare, and unbended his aspect into
a grin that was truly Israelitish. The painter saw
and was offended at this correspondence, which he
considered as an insult upon his misfortune as well
as an evident preference of his rival ; and conscious
VOL. III. 26
402 THE ADVENTURES OF
of his own timiclitj, swallowed an extraordinary glass
tliat Lis invention might be stimulated, and his reso-
lution raised to the contrivance and execution of some
scheme of reveiige. The wine, however, failed in the
expected effect, and without inspiring him with the
plan, served only to quicken his desire of vengeance ;
so that he communicated his purpose to his friend
Peregrine, and begged his assistance; but our young
gentleman was too intent upon his own affair to mind
the concerns of any other person, and he declining to
be engaged in the project, Pallet had recourse to the
genius of Pickle's valet-de-chambre, Avho readily em-
barked in the undertaking, and invented a plan which
was executed accordingly.
The evening being pretty far advanced, and the
company separated into their respective apartments,
Pickle repaired, in all the impatience of youth and
desire, to the chamber of his charmer, and finding the
door unbolted, entered in a transport of joy. By the
light of the moon, which shone through the window,
he was conducted to her bed, which he approached in
the utmost agitation, and perceiving her to all appear-
ance asleep, essayed to wake her with a gentle kiss ;
but this method proved ineffectual, because she had
determined to save herself the confusion of being an
accomplice in his guilt. He repeated the application,
murmured a most passionate salutation in her ear, and
took such other gentle means of signifying his presence
as persuaded him that she was resolved to sleep in
spite of all his endeavours : flushed with this agreeable
supposition, he locked the door, in order to prevent
interruption, and, stealing himself under the clothes,
set fortune at defiance while he held the fair creature
circled in his arms.
Nevertheless, near as he seemed to be to the happy
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 403
accompllsliment of his desire, his hope was again
frustrated with a fearful noise, which in a moment
awakened his Amanda in a fright, and for the present
engaged all his attention. His valet-de-chambre,
whom Pallet had consulted as a confederate in his
revenge against the lady of pleasure and her Jewish
gallant, had hired of certain Bohemians, who chanced
to lodge at the inn, a jackass adorned with bells,
which, when everybody was retired to rest, and the
Hebrew supposed to be bedded with his mistress, they
led upstairs into a long thoroughfare, from Avhich the
chambers were detached on each side. The painter,
perceiving the lady's door ajar, according to his expec-
tation, mounted this animal, with intention to ride into
the room, and disturb the lovers in the midst of their
mutual endearments ; but the ass, true to its kind,
finding himself bestrid by an unknown rider, instead
of advancing in obedience to his conductor, moved
backward to the other end of the passage in spite of all
the efforts of the painter, who spurred, and kicked, and
pommelled to no purpose. It was the noise of this
contention between Pallet and the ass which invaded
the ears of Peregrine and his mistress, neither of whom
could form the least rational conjecture about the
cause of such strange disturbance, which increased as
the animals approached their apartment. At length,
the Bourrique's retrograde motion was obstructed by
the door, which it forced open, in a twinkling, with
one kick, and entered with such complication of sound,
as terrified the lady almost into a fit, and threw her
lover into the utmost perplexity and confusion. The
painter finding himself thus violently intruded into
the bed-chamber of he knew not whom, and dreading
the resentment of the possessor, who might discharge a
pistol at him as a robber who had broken into his
26—2
404 THE ADVENTURES OF
apartment, was overwhelmed with consternation, and
redoubled his exertion to accomplish a speedy retreat,
sweating all the time with fear, and putting up
petitions to heaven for his safety ; but his obstinate
companion, regardless of his situation, instead of sub-
mitting to his conduct, began to turn round like a
mill-stone, the united sound of his feet and bells
producing a most surprising concert. The unfortunate
rider, whirling about in this manner, would have
quitted his seat, and left the beast to his own amuse-
ment, but the rotation was so rapid, that the terror of a
severe fall hindered him from attempting to dismount,
and, in the desperation of his heart, he seized one of
its ears, which he pinched so unmercifully, that the
creature set up his throat and brayed aloud. This
hideous exclamation was no sooner heard by the fair
Fleming, akeady chilled with panic, and prepared with
superstition, than believing herself visited by the
devil, who was permitted to punish her for her infide-
lity to the marriage-bed, she uttered a scream, and
began to repeat her paternoster with a loud voice.
Her lover, finding himself under the necessity of
retiring, started up, and stung with the most violent
pangs of rage and disappointment, ran directly to the
spot whence this diabolical noise seemed to proceed.
There, encountering the ass, he discharged such a
volley of blows at him and his rider, that the creature
carried him off at a round trot, and they roared in
uniform all the way. Having thus cleared the room
of such disagreeable company, he went back to his
misti'ess, and assuring her that this was only some
foolish prank of Pallet, took his leave with a promise
of returning after the quiet of the iiui should be
re-established.
In the meantime, the noise of the Bourrique, the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 405
cries of the painter, and the lady's scream, had alarmed
the whole house; and the ass, in the precipitation of
his retreat, seeing people with lights before him, took
shelter in the apartment for which he was at first
designed, just as the Levite, aroused at the uproar, had
quitted liis Dulcinea, and was attempting to recover
liis own chamber unperceived. Seeing himself op-
posed by such an animal, mounted by a tall, meagre,
lantern-jawed figure, half-naked, with a white night-
cap upon his head, which added to the natural pale-
ness of his complexion, the Jew was sorely troubled
in mind, and believing it to be an apparition of
Balaam and his ass, fled backward with a nimble
pace, and crept under the bed, where he lay con-
cealed. Mr. Jolter and the priest, who were the
foremost of those who had been aroused by the noise,
were not unmoved when they saw such a spectacle
rushing into his chamber, whence the lady of plea-
sure began to shriek. The governor made a full halt,
and the Capuchin discovered no inclination to proceed.
They were, however, by the pressure of the crowd that
followed them, thrust forward to the door, through
Avhich the vision entered ; and there Jolter, with great
ceremony, complimented his reverence with the pas^
beseeching him to walk in. The mendicant was too
courteous and humble to accept this pre-eminence, and
a very earnest dispute ensued ; during which the ass
in the course of his circuit showed himself and rider,
and in a trice decided the contest ; for, struck with this
second glimpse, both at one instant sprang backward
with such force as overturned their next men, who
communicated the impulse to those that stood behind
tliem, and these again to others ; so that the whole
passage was strewed with a long file of people that
lay in a line, like the sequel and dependence of a pack
406 THE ADVENTURES OF
of cards. In tlie midst of this havoc our hero returned
from his room with an air of astonishment, asking the
cause of this uproar. Eeceiving such hints of intel-
ligence as Jolter's consternation would permit him to
give, he snatched the candle out of his hand, and
advanced into the haunted chamber without hesita-
tion, being followed by all present, who broke forth
into a long and loud peal of laughter when they
perceived the ludicrous source of their disquiet. The
painter himself made an effort to join their mirth,
but he had been so harrowed by fear, and smarted
so much with the pain of the discipline he had received
from Pickle, that he could not with all his endeavour
vanquish the ruefulness of his countenance. His
attempt served only to increase the awkwardness of
his situation, which was not at all mended by the
behaviour of the coquette, who, furious with her dis-
appointment, slipped on a petticoat and bedgown, and
springing upon him like another Hecuba, with her
nails deprived all one side of his nose of the skin,
and would not have left him an eye to see through
if some of the company had not rescued him from
her unmerciful talons. Provoked at this outrage, as
well as by her behaviour to him in the diligence^
he publicly explained his intention in entering her
chamber in this equipage; and missing the Hebrew
among the spectators, assured them that he must have
absconded somewhere in the apartment. In pursuance
of this intimation the room was immediately searched,
and the mortified Levite pulled by the heels from his
Im-king-place ; so that Pallet had the good fortune at
last to transfer the laugh from himself to his rival
and the French inamorata, who accordingly under-
went the ridicule of the whole audience.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 407
CHAPTER LVII.
Pallet^ endeavouring to unravel the mystery of the treat-
ment he had received, falls out of the frying-pan into
the fire.
Nevertheless, Pallet was still confounded, and cha-
grined by one consideration, which was no other than
that of his being so roughly handled in the chamber
belonging, as he found upon inquiry, to the handsome
young lady who was under the Capuchin's direction.
He recollected that the door was fast locked when his
beast bm'st it open; and he had no reason to believe
that any person followed him in his irruption ; on the
other hand, he could not imagine that such a gentle
creature would either attempt to commit or be able to
execute such a desperate assault as that which his body
had sustained ; and her demeanour was so modest and
circumspect, that he durst not harbour the least sus-
picion of her virtue.
These reflections bewildered him in the labyrinth of
thought ; he rummaged his whole imagination, endea-
vouring to account for what had happened. At length
he concluded, that either Peregrine, or the devil, or
both, must have been at the bottom of the whole affair,
and determined, for the satisfaction of his curiosity, to
watch our hero's motions during the remaining part of
the night so narrowly, that his conduct, mysterious as
it was, should not be able to elude his penetration.
AVith these sentiments he retired to his own room,
after the ass had been restored to the right owners, and
the priest had visited and confirmed his fair ward, who
408 THE ADVENTURES OF
had been almost distracted with fear. Silence no
sooner prevailed again, than he crawled darkling to-
wards the door, and huddled himself up in an obscm'e
corner, whence he might observe the ingress or egress
of any human creature. He had not long remained in
this posture, when, fatigued with this adventure, and
that of the preceding night, his faculties were gradually
overpowered with slumber ; and falling fast asleep, he
beo:an to snore like a whole cono-reo-ation of Presbv-
terians. The Flemish beauty, hearing this discordant
noise in the passage, began to be afraid of some new
alarm, and very prudently bolted the door; so that
when her lover wanted to repeat his visit, he was not
only surprised and incensed at this disagreeable se-
renade, the author of which he did not know ; but
when compelled by his passion, which was by this
time wound to the highest pitch, he ventured to ap-
proach the entrance, he had the extreme mortification to
find himself shut out. He durst not knock, or signify
his presence in any other manner, on account of the
lady's reputation, which would have> greatly suffered
had the snorer been waked by his endeavours. Had
he known that the person who thus thwarted his views
was the painter, he would have taken some effectual
step to remove him ; but he could not conceive what
should induce Pallet to take up his residence in that
corner ; nor could he use the assistance of a lio;ht to
distinguish him, because there was not a. candle burn-
ing in the house.
It is impossible to describe the rage and vexation of
our hero, while he continued thus tantalized upon the
brink of bliss, after his deske had been exasperated by
the circumstances of his two former disappointments.
He ejaculated a thousand execrations against his own
fortune, cursed all his fellow-travellers without excep-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 409
tion, vowed revenge against the painter, who had twice
confounded his most interesting scheme, and was
tempted to execute immediate vengeance upon the un-
known cause of his present miscarriage. In this agony
of distraction did he sweat two whole hours in the
passage, though not without some faint hope of being-
delivered from his tormentor, who, he imagined, upon
waking would undoubtedly shift his quarters, and leave
the field free to his designs ; but when he heard the
cock repeat his salutation to the morn, which began to
open on the rear of night, he could no longer restrain
his indignation. Going to his own chamber, he filled
a basin with cold water, and standing at some distance,
discharged it full in the face of the gaping snorer, who,
over and above the surprise occasioned by the applica-
tion, was almost suffocated by the liquor that entered
his mouth and ran down into his wind-pipe. While he
gasped like a person half drowned, without knowing
the nature of his disaster, or remembering the situation
in which he fell asleep. Peregrine retired to his own
door, and to his no small astonishment, from a long
howl that invaded his ears, learned that the patient was
no other than Pallet, who had now, for the third time,
baulked his good fortune.
Enraged at the complicated trespasses of this unfor-
tunate offender, he rushed from his apartment with a
horsewhip, and encountering the painter in his flight,
overturned him in the passage. There he exercised
the instrument of his wrath with great severity, on
pretence of mistaking him for some presumptuous cur,
which had disturbed the repose of the inn ; nay, when
he called aloud for mercy in a supplicating tone, and
his chastiser could no longer pretend to treat him as a
quadruped, such was the virulence of the young gentle-
man's indignation, that he could not help declaring his
410 THE ADVENTUIiES OF
satisfaction, by telling Pallet lie had richly deserved
the punishment he had imdergone, for his madness,
folly, and impertinence, in contriving and executing
^"such idle schemes as had no other tendency than that
I of plaguing his neighbours.
Pallet protested, with great vehemence, that he was
innocent, as the child unborn, of an intention to give
umbrage to any person whatever, except the Israelite
and his doxy, who he knew had incurred his displea-
sure. ' But, as God is my Saviour,' said he, * I believe I
' am persecuted with witchcraft, and begin to think
' that d — priest is an agent for the devil ; for he has
' been but two nights in our company, during which
* I have not closed an eye ; but, on the contrary, have
' been tormented by all the fiends of hell.' Pickle
peevishly replied, that his torments had been occasioned
by his own fooli^h^Jmagin^iion ; and asked how he
came to howl in that corner. The painter, who did
not think proper to own the truth, said that he had
rbeen transported thither by some preternatural convey-
Ijmce, and soused in water by an invisible hand. The
youth, in hope of profiting by his absence, advised him
to retire immediately to his bed, and by sleep strive to
comfort his brain, which seemed to be not a little dis-
ordered by the want of that refreshment. Pallet him-
self began to be very much of the same way of think-
ing ; and in compliance with such wholesome counsel,
betook himself to rest, muttering prayers all the way
for the recovery of his own understanding.
Pickle attended him to his chamber, and locking
him up, put the key in his own pocket, that he might
not have it in his power to interrupt him again ; but
in his return he was met by Mr. Jolter and the doctor,
who had been a second time alarmed by the painter's
cries, and came to inquire about this new adventure.
PEBEGPJNE PICKLE. 411
Half frantic witli such a series of disappointments, he
cursed them in his heart for their unseasonable appear-
ance. When they questioned him about Pallet, he
told them he had found him stark staring m ad , howling
in a corner , and wet to the skin, and conducted him to
his room, where he was now in bed. The physician
hearing this circumstance made a merit of his vanity ;
and under pretence of concern for the patient's welfare,
desired he might have an opportunity of examining the
symptoms of his disorder without loss of time, alleg-
ing that many diseases might have been stifled in the
birth, which afterwards baffled all the endeavours of
the medical art. The young gentleman accordingly
delivered the key, and once more withdrew into his own
chamber, with a view of seizing the first occasion that
should present itself of renewing his application to his
Amanda's door; while the doctor, in his way to Pallet's
apartment, hinted to the governor his suspicion that
the patient laboured under that dreadful symptom
called the hydrophobia, which he observed had some-
times appeared in persons who were not previously bit
by a mad dog. This conjecture he founded upon the
howl he uttered when he was soused with water, and
began to recollect certain circumstances of the painter's
behaviour for some days past, which now he could
plainly perceive had prognosticated some such calamity.
He then ascribed the distemper to the violent frights
he had lately undergone; affirmed that the affair of
the Bastile had made such a violent encroachment
upon his understanding, that his manner of thinking
and speaking was entirely altered. By a theory of his
own invention, he explained the effects of fear upon a
loose system of nerves, and demonstrated t he modus in
which j;he animal spirits operate upoiL the ideas and
power 'of imaginatio n.
-y
r
412 THE ADVENTURES OF
This disqnisition, which was communicated at the
painter's door, might have lasted till breakfast, had not
Jolter reminded him of his own maxim, Venienti
occiirrite morho ; upon which he put the key to imme-
diate use, and they walked softly towards the bed,
wliere the patient lay extended at full length in the
arms of sleep. The physician took notice of his
breathing hard, and his mouth being open ; and from
these diagnostics declared, that the liquidwrn nervosum
was intimately affected, and the saliva impregnated
with the spiculated particles of the virus, howsoever
contracted. This sentence was still further confirmed
by the state of his pulse, which being full and slow,
indicated an oppressed circulation, from a loss of elasti-
city in the propelling arteries. He proposed that he
should immediately suffer a second aspersion of water,
which would not^ only contribute to the cure, but also
certify them beyond all possibility of doubt with re-
gard to the state of the disease ; for it would evidently
appear, from the manner in which he would bear the
application, whether or not his . horror of water
amounted to a confirmed hydrophobia. ]\Ir. Jolter, in
compliance with this proposal, began to empty a bottle
of water, which he found in the room in a basin, when
he was interrupted by the prescriber, who advised him
to use the contents of the chamber-pot, which, being
impregnated with salt, would operate more effectually
than pure element. Thus directed, the governor lifted
up the vessel, which was replete with medicine, and
with one turn of his hand discharged the whole heal-
ing inundation upon the ill-omened patient, who, waking
in the utmost distraction of horror, yelled most
hideously, just at the time when Peregrine had brought
his mistress to a parley, and entertained hopes of being
'^admitted into her chamber.
PEREGRINE FICKLE. 413
Terrified at this exclamation, she instantly broke off
the treaty, beseeching- him to retire from the door, that
her honour might receive no injury from his being
found in that place ; and he had just enough of recol-
lection left to see the necessity of obeying the order:
in conformity to which he retreated well nigh deprivedTl
of his senses, and almost persuaded, that so many un- '
accountable disappointments must have proceeded from
some supernatural cause, of which the idiot Pallet was <
no more than the involuntary instrument. "^ — i
Meanwhile, the doctor having ascertained the malady
of the patient, whose cries, interrupted by frequent
sobs and sighs, he interpreted into the barking of a
dog, and having no more salt water at hand, resolved
to renew the bath with such materials as chance would
afford. He actually laid hold of the bottle and basin ;
but, by this time, the painter had recovered the use of
his senses so well as to perceive his drift ; and starting
up, like a frantic Bedlamite, ran directly to his sword,
swearing, with many horrid imprecations, that he would
murder them both immediately, though he should be
hanged before dinner. They did not choose to wait
the issue of his threat, but retired with such precipita-
tion, that the physician had almost dislocated his
shoulder, by running against one side of the entry.
Jolter, having pulled the door after him, and turned
the key, betook himself to flight, roaring aloud for
assistance. His colleague, seeing the door secured,
valued himself upon his resolution, and exhorted him
to return ; declaring that, for his own part, he was
more afraid of the madman's teeth than of his weapon ;
and admonishing the governor to re-enter, and execute
what they had left undone. ' Go in,' said he, ' without
' fear or apprehension, and if any accident shall happen
' to you, either from his slaver or his sword, I will
414 _ THE ADVENTURES OF
' assist you with my advice, which from this station I
' can more coolly and distinctly administer than I
' should be able to supply if my ideas were disturbed,
' or my attention engaged in any personal concern.'
Jolter, who could make no objection to the justness
of the conclusion, frankly owned that he had no incli-
nation to try the experiment; observing, that self-
preservation was the first law of nature ; that his con-
nexions with the unhappy lunatic were but slight, and
that it could not be reasonably expected that he
would run such risks for his service as were declined
by one who had set out with him from England on
the footing of a companion. This insinuatio n intro-
duced a d ispute upon the nature of benevolence, and
t he moral sense, which, the republican argued, existed
indejDcndent of any private consideration, and could
never be affected by any contingent circumstance of
time and fortune ; while the other, who abhorred his
principles, asserted the duties and excellence of private
friendship with infinite rancour of altercation.
During the hottest of the argument, they were
joined by the Capuchin, who being astonished to see
them thus virulently engaged at the door, and to hear
the painter bellowing within the chamber, conjured
them, in the name of God, to tell him the cause of
that confusion, which had kept the whole house in
continual alarm during the best part of the night, and
seemed to be the immediate work of the devil and his
angels. When the governor gave him to miderstand
that Pallet was visited with an evil spirit, he muttered
a prayer of St. Antonio de Padua, and undertook to
cure the painter, provided he could be secured so as
that he might, without danger to himself, burn part
of a certain relic under his nose, which he assured
tliem was equal to the miraculous power of Eleazar's
PEBEGPJXE PICKLE. 415
ring. They expressed great curiosity to know what
this treasure was ; and the priest was prevailed upon
to tell them in confidence, t hat it was a collec_tic) n of
the pairings of th e n ails be loiiging to th ose t wo mad-
men whoni Jesus purged of th e^ legio n -of devils that
aft erward s ente red the_ amiie. So saying, he pulled
from one of his pockets a small box, containing about
an ounce of the pairings of a horse's hoof; at sight
of which the governor could not help smiling, on
account of the grossness of the imposition. The
doctor asked, with a supercilious smile, whether
those maniacs whom Jesus cured were of the sorrel
complexion or dapple-grey ; for, from the texture of
these pairings, he could prove, that the origmal
owners were of the quadruped order, and even
distinguish that their feet had been fortified with shoes
of iron.
The mendicant, who bore an inveterate grudge
against this son of ^sculapius ever since he had
made so free with the Catholic religion, replied, with
great bitterness, that he was a wretch with whom no
Chr istian ought to commun icate ; that the vengeance
of heaven would one day overtake him on account of
his profanity ; and that his heart was shod with a
metal much harder than iron, which nothing but hell-
fire would be able to melt.
It was now broad day, and all the servants of the
inn were on foot. Peregrine, seeing it would be im-
possible to obtain any sort of indemnification for the
time he had lost, and the perturbation of his spirits
hindering him from enjoying repose, which was, more-
over, obstructed by the noise of Pallet and his atten-
dants, put on his clothes at once, and in exceeding ill
humour arrived at the spot where this triumvirate
stood debating about the means of overpowering the
416 THE ADVENTURES OF
furious painter, who still continued his song of oaths
and execrations, and made sundry efforts to break
open the door. Chagrined as our hero was, he could
not help laughing when he heard how the patient had
been treated; an d his indignation changing into c om-
passion^ he called to him through the keyhole, desiring
to know the reason of his distracted behaviour. Pallet
no sooner recognised his voice than lowering his own
to a whimpering tone, ' My dear friend ! ' said he, ' I
' have at last detected the ruffians who have persecuted
' me so much. I caught them in tlie fact of suffocating
'^ *" me with cold water ; and, by the Lord, I will be
\ 'i revenge d, or may I never live to finish my Cleopatra.
' For the love of God ! open the door, and I will make
' that conceited pagan, that pretender to taste, that false
' devotee of the ancients, who poisons people with silly-
' kickabies and devil's dung ; I say, I will make him a
jL '• monument of my wrath, and an example to all the
' cheats and impostors of the faculty ; and as to that
'• thick-headed insolent pedant his . confederate, who
' emptied my own Jordan upon me while I slept, he
' had better have been in his beloved Paris, botching
' schemes for his friend the Pretender, than incur the
' effect of my resentment. Gadsbodikins ! I won't leave
' him a windpipe for the hangman to stop at the end of
' another rebellion.'
Pickle told him his conduct had been so extravagant
as to confirm the whole company in the belief that
he was actually deprived of his senses; on which
supposition, Mr. Jolter and the doctor had acted the
part of friends in doing that which they thought most
conducive to his recovery; so that their concern
merited his thankful acknowledgment instead of his
frantic menaces; that, for his own part, he would be
the first to condemn him as one utterly bereft of his
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 417
wits, aud give orders for his being secured as a mad-
man, unless he would immediately give a proof of his
sanity, by laying aside his sword, composing his spirits,
and thanking his injured friends for their care of his
person.
This alternative quieted his ti'ansports in a moment ;
he was terrified at the apprehension of being treated
like a bedlamite, being dubious of the state of his own
brain ; and, on the other hand, had conceived such a
hoiTor and antipathy for his tormentors, that, far from
believing himself obliged by what they had done, he
could not even think of them without the utmost raofe
and detestation. He, therefore, in the most tranquil
voice he could assume, protested that he never was
less out of his senses than at present, though he did not
know how lorn? he mis^ht retain them if he should be
considered in the light of a lunatic : that, in order to
prove his being comics mentis^ he was willing to sacri-
fice the resentment he so justly harboured against
those who, by their malice, had brought him to this
pass ; but as he apprehended it would be the greatest
sign of madness he could exhibit to thank them for the
mischiefs they had brought upon him, he desired to be
excused from making any such confession, and swore
he would endure everything rather than be guilty of
such mean absurdity.
Peregrine held a consultation upon this reply, when
the governor and physician strenuously argued against
any capitulation with a maniac, and proposed that
some method might be taken to seize, fetter, and
convey him into a dark room, where he might be
treated according to the rules of art. But the Capucliin,
understanding the circumstances of the case, undertook
to restore him to his former state without having any
recourse to such violent measures. Pickle, who was a
VOL. III. 27
418 THE ADVENTURES OF
better judge of the affair than any person present,
opened the door without further hesitation, and dis-
played the poor painter standing with a woeful
countenance, shivering in his shirt, which was as wet
as if he had been dragged through the Dender ; a
spectacle which gave such offence to the chaste eyes of
the Hebrew's mistress, who was by this time one of
the spectators, that she turned her head another way,
and withdrew to her own room, exclaiming agamst the
indecent practices of men.
Pallet, seeing the young gentleman enter, ran to
him, and shaking him by the hand, called him his
best friend, and said he had rescued him from those
who had a design against his life. The priest would
have produced his parings, and applied them to his
nose, but was hindered by Pickle, who advised the
patient to shift himself, and put on his clothes. This
being done with great order and deliberation, Mr.
Jolter, who, with the doctor, had kept a wary distance
in expectation of seeing some strange effects of his
distraction, began to believe that he had been guilty
of a mistake, and accused the physician of having
misled him by his false diagnostic. The doctor still
insisted upon his former declaration, assuring him that,
although Pallet enjoyed a short interval for the present,
the delirium would soon recur, unless they would
profit by this momentary calm, and 'order him to be
blooded, blistered, and purged with all imaginable
despatch.
The governor, however, notwithstanding this caution,
advanced to the injured party, and begged pardon for
the share he had in giving him such disturbance. He
declared, in the most solemn manner, that he had no
other intention than that of contributing towards his
welfare, and that his behaviour was the result of the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 410
physician's prescription, which he affirmed was abso-
lutely necessary for the recovery of his health.
The painter, who had very little gall in his dis-
position, was satisfied with this apology ; but his re-
sentment, which was before divided, now glowed with
double fire against his first fellow-traveller, whom he
looked upon as the author of all the mischances he
had undergone, and^ marked out for his v engeance
accor dingly. Yet the doors of reconciliation were not
shut against the doctor, who, with great justice, might
have transferred this load of offence from himself to
Peregrine, who was, without doubt, the source of
the painter's misfortune ; but, in that case, he must
have owned himself deceh ^^d ja-Jii^mexli^alj^gjigci . X
and he did noT'tHink the friendship of Pallet im-
portant enough to be retrieved by such condescension ;
so that he resolved to neglect him entirely, and gradu-
ally forget the former correspondence he had main-
tained with a person whom he deemed so unworthy of
his notice.
CHAPTER LVIII.
Peregrine^ almost distracted with Ms disappointment,
conjures the fair Fleming to permit his visits at
Brussels. She loithdvaws from his pursuit.
Things being thus adjusted, and all the company
dressed, they went to breakfast about five in the
morning, and in less than an hour after were seated
in the diligence^ where profound silence prevailed;
Peregrine, who used to be the life of the society, being
27—2
420 THE ADVENTURES OF
extremely pensive and melancholy on account of his
mishap, the Israelite and his Dulcinea dejected in con-
sequence of their disgrace, the poet absorbed in lofty
meditation, the_ pain ter in schemes of revenge, while
Jolter, rocked by the motio^r^oF^tKe^arriage, made
himself amends for the want of rest he had sustained,
and the mendicant, with his fair charge, were infected
by the cloudy aspect of our youth, in whose dis-
appointment each of them, for different reasons, bore
no inconsiderable share. This general languor and
recess from all bodily exercise disposed them all to
receive the gentle yoke of slumber; and in half an
hour after they had embarked, there was not one of
them awake, except our hero and his mistress, unless
the Capuchin was pleased to counterfeit sleep, in
order to indulge our young gentleman with an oppor-
tunity of enjoying some private conversation with his
beauteous ward.
Peregrine did not neglect the occasion ; but, on the
contrary, seized the first minute, and in gentle mur-
murs lamented his hard hap in being thus the sport
of fortune. He assured her, and that with great
sincerity, that all the cross accidents of his life had
not cost him one-half of the vexation and keenness
of chagrin which he had suffered last night ; and that,
now he was on the brink of parting from her, he
should be overwhelmed with the blackest despair if
she would not extend her compassion so far as to give
him an opportunity of sighing at her feet in Brussels,
during the few days his affairs would permit him to
spend in that city.
This young lady, with an air of mortification, ex-
pressed her sorrow for being the mnocent cause of
his anxiety; said, she hoped last night's adventure
would be a salutary warning to both their souls ; for
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 421
she was persuaded that her vn-tue was protected by
the mtervention of heaven ; that whatever impression
it might have made upon him, she was enabled by it to
adhere to that duty from which her passion had begun
to swerve; and beseeching him to forget her for his
own peace, gave him to understand that neither the
plan she had laid down for her own conduct, nor the
dictates of her honour, would allow her to receive
his visits, or carry on any other correspondence with
him, while she was restricted by the articles of her
marriage-vow.
This explanation produced such a violent effect upon
her admirer, that he was for some minutes deprived of
the faculty of speech, which he no sooner recovered
than he gave vent to the most unbridled transports of
passion. He taxed her with barbarity and indifference ;
told her that she had robbed him of his reason and
internal peace ; that he would follow her to the ends
of the earth, and cease to live sooner than cease to love
her ; that he would sacrifice the innocent fool who had
been the occasion of all this disquiet, and murder every
man whom he considered as an obstruction to his
views. In a word, his passions, which had continued
so long in a state of the highest fermentation, together
with the want of that repose which calms and quiets
the perturbation of the spirits, had wrought him up to
a pitch of real distraction. While he uttered thes^,
delirious expressions, the tears ran down his cheeks,
and he underwent such agitation that the tender heart
of the fair Fleming was affected with his condition ;
and while her own face was bedewed with the streams
of sympathy, she begged him, for heaven's sake, to be
composed ; and promised, for liis satisfaction, to abate
somewhat of the rigour of her purpose. Consoled by
this kind declaration, he re-collected himself, and
422 THE ADVENTURES OF
taking out liis pencil, gave lier liis address, when slie
had assured him that he should hear from her m
four-and-twenty hours at farthest after their sepa-
ration.
Thus soothed, he regained the empire of himself,
and by degrees recovered his serenity. But this was
not the case with his Amanda, who, from this sample
of his disposition, dreaded the impetuosity of his youth,
and was effectually deterred from entering into any
engagements that might subject her peace and repu-
tation to the rash effects of such a violent spirit.
Though she was captivated by his person and accom-
plishments, she had reflection enough to foresee that
the longer she countenanced his passion, her own heart
would be more and more irretrievably engaged, and
the quiet of her life the more exposed to continual
interruption. She therefore profited by these consi-
derations, and, by a sense of religious honour which
helped her to Avithstand the suggestions of inclination ;
and resolved to amuse her lover with false hopes until
she should have it in her power to relinquish his con-
versation without running any risk of suffering by the
inconsiderate sallies of his love. It was with this view
that she desired he would not insist upon attending her
to her mother's house when the diligence arrived at
Brussels ; and he, cajoled by her artifice, took a formal
leave of her, together with the other strangers, fixing
his habitation at the inn, to which he and his fellow-
travellers had been directed, in the impatient expecta-
tion of receiving a kind summons^rom her within the
limited time.
Meanwhile, in order to divert his imagination, he
went to see the stadthouse, park, and arsenal, took a
superficial view of the booksellers' cabinet of curio-
sities, and spent the evening at the Italian opera,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 423
wliicli was at that time exhibited for the entertainment
of Prince Charles of Lorrain, than governor of the
Low Countries. In short, the stated period was
almost elapsed, when Peregrine received a letter to
this purpose : —
' Sir,
' If you knew what violence I do my heart, in
declaring that I have withdrawn myself for ever
from your addresses, you would surely applaud the
sacrifice I make to virtue, and strive to imitate this
example of self-denial. Yes, sir, heaven hath lent
me grace to struggle with my guilty passion, and
henceforth to avoid the dangerous sight of him who
inspired it. I therefore conjure you, by the regard
you ought to have for the eternal welfare of us both,
as well as by the esteem and affection you profess,
to war with your unruly inclination, and desist from
all attempts of frustrating the laudable resolution I
have made. Seek not to invade the peace of one
who loves you, to disturb the quiet of a family that
never did you wrong, and to alienate the thoughts of
a weak woman from a deserving man, who, by the
most sacred claim, ought to have the full possession
of her heart.'
This billet, without either date or subscription,
banished all remains of discretion from the mind of
our hero, who ran instantly to the landlord in all the
ecstasy of madness, and demanded to see the messenger
who brought the letter on pain of putting his whole
family to the sword. The innkeeper, terrified by his
looks and menaces, fell upon his knees, protesting, in
the face of heaven, that he was utterly ignorant and
innocent of anything that could give him offence, and
that the billet was brought by a person whom he did
424 THE ADVENTURES OF
not know, and who retired immediately; saying, it
required no answer. He then gave utterance to bis
fury in a thousand imprecations and invectives against
the writer ; whom h e dishon oured with the appel lations
of a_coq uette, a jilt, an adventurer , who, hy means_of
a._j)im.ping. p rie s t,- ha.d -jJefiraudedJiim-ofJns^nioneY. '
He denounced vengeance against the mendicant, whom
he swore he would destroy if ever he should set eyes
on him again. The painter unluckily appearing
during this paroxysm of rage, he seized him by the
throat, saying, he was ruined by his accursed folly ;
and, in all likelihood, poor Pallet would have been
strangled had not Jolter interposed in his behalf,
beseeching his pupil to have mercy upon the sufferer,
and, with infinite anxiety, desiring to know the cause
of this violent assault. He received no answer but a
string of incoherent curses. When the painter, with
imspeakable astonishment, took God to witness that he
had done nothing to disoblige him, the governor began
to think, in sad earnest, that Peregrine's vivacity had
at length risen to the transports of actual madness, and
was himself almost distracted with this supposition.
That he might the better judge what remedy ought to
be applied, he used his whole influence, and practised
all his eloquence upon the youth, in order to learn the
immediate cause of his delirium. He employed the
most pathetic entreaties, and even shed tears in the
course of his supplication; so that Pickle — the first
violence of the hurricane being blown over — was
ashamed. of his imprudence, and retired to his chamber
in order to re-collect his dissipated thoughts ; there he
shut himself up, and for the second time perusing the
fatal epistle, began to waver in his opinion of the
author's character and intention. He sometimes con-
sidered her as one of those nymphs, who, under the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 425
mask of innocence and simplicity, practise upon the
liearts and purses of unwary and inexperienced youth ;
this was the suggestion of his wrath, inflamed by
disappointment; but when he reflected upon the cir-
cumstances of her behaviour, and recalled her par-
ticular charms to his imagination, the severity of his
censure gave way, and his heart declared in favour
of her sincerity. Yet even this consideration aggra-
vated the sense of his loss, and he was in danger of
relapsing into his former distraction, when his passion
was a little becalmed by the hope of seeing her again,
either by accident, or in the course of a diligent and
minute inquiry, which he forthwith resolved to set on
foot. He had reason to believe that her heart would
espouse his cause, in spite of her virtue's determination,
and did not despair of meeting with the Capuchin,
whose good offices he knew he could at any time com-
mand. Comforted with these reflections, the tempest
of his soul subsided. In less than two hours he joined
his company with an air of composure, and asked the
painter's forgiveness for the freedom he had taken;
the cause of which he promised hereafter to explain.
Pallet was glad of being reconciled on any terms to
one whose countenance supported him in equilibrium
with his antagonist the doctor; and Mr. Jolter was
rejoiced beyond measiu'e at his pupil's recovery.
426 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER LIX.
Peregrine meets with Mrs. Hornhech^ and is consoled for
his loss. His valet-de-chamhre is embroiled loith her
duenna.^ whom^ hoioever^ hejlnds means to appease.
Everything liavlng thus resumed its natural channel,
they dined together in great tranquillity. In the after-
noon Peregrine, on pretence of staying at home to
write letters while his companions were at the coffee-
house, ordered a coach to be called, and with his valet-
de-chambre, who was the only person acquainted with
the present state of his thoughts, set out for the Prome-
nade, to which all the ladies of fashion resort in the
evening during the summer season, in hopes of seeing
his fugitive among the rest.
Having made a circuit round the walk, and nar-
rowly observed every female in the place, he per-
ceived, at some distance, the livery of Hornbeck upon
a lackey that stood at the back of a coach: upon
which he ordered his man to reconnoitre the said
carriage, while he pulled up his glasses that he might
not be discovered before he should have received some
intelligence by which he might conduct himself on this
unexpected occasion, that already began to interfere
with the purpose of his coming thither, though it
could not dispute his attention with the idea of his
charming unknown.
His Mercury having made his observations, reported
that there was nobody in the coach but Mrs. Hornbeck
and an elderly woman who had all the air of a duenna,
and that the servant was not the same footman who
I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. A21
had attended them in France. Encouraged by this
information, our hero ordered himself to be driven
close up to that side of their convenience on which his
old mistress sat, and accosted her with the usual
salutation. This lady no sooner beheld her gallant
than her cheeks reddened with a double glow, and
she exclaimed, ' Dear brother, I am overjoyed to see
* you ! Pray come into our coach.' He took the
hint immediately, and complying with her request,
embraced this new sister with great affection.
Perceiving that her attendant was very much sur-
prised and alarmed at this unexpected meeting, she, in
order to banish her suspicion, and at the same time
give her lover his cue, told him that his brother,
meaning her husband, was gone to the Spa for a few
weeks by the advice of physicians, on account of his
ill state of health; and that from his last letter she
had the pleasure to tell him he was in a fair way of
doing well. XThe young gentleman expressed his satis-
faction at this piece of news; observing, with an air
of fraternal concern, that if his brother had not made
too free with his constitution, his friends in England
would have had no occasion to repine at his absence
and want of health, by which he was banished from
his country and connexions. He then asked, with an
affectation of surprise, why she had not accompanied
her spouse; and was given to understand that his
tenderness of affection would not suffer him to expose
her to the fatigues of the journey, which lay among
rocks that were almost inaccessible.
The duenna's doubt being eased by this preamble
of conversation, he changed the subject to the pleasures
of the place; and, among other such questions, in-
quired if she had yet visited Versailles? This is a
public-house, situate upon the canal at the distance
428 THE ADVENTURES OF
of about two miles from town, and accommodated
with, tolerable gardens for the entertainment of com-
pany. When she replied in the negative, he proposed
to accompany her thither immediately, but the gover-
nante^ who had hitherto sat silent, objected to this pro-
posal; telling them, in broken English, that, as the
lady was under her care, she could not answer to
Mr. Hornbeck for allowing her to visit such a
suspicious place. ' As for that matter, madam,' said
the confident gallant, ' give yourself no trouble, the
' consequences shall be at my peril ; and I will under-
' take to insiu'e you against my brother's resentment.'
So saying, he directed the coachman to the place, and
ordered his own to follow, under the auspices of his
valet-de chambre, while the old gentlewoman, over-
ruled by his assurance, quietly submitted to his
authority.
Being arrived at the place, he handed the ladies
from the coach, and then, for the first time, observed
that the duenna was lame, a_cir£imistance-o£-wliick-lie
did not scruple to take, the advantage; for they had
scarcely alighted andrdrunk a glass of wine, when he
advised his sister to enjoy a walk in the garden: and
although the attendant made shift to keep them almost
always in view, they enjoyed a detached conversation,
in which Peregrine learnt that the true cause of her
being left behind at Brussels whilst her husband pro-
ceeded to Spa, was his dread of the company and
fa^niliarities of that place, to which his jealousy durst
not expose her ; and that she had lived three weeks in
a convent at Lisle, from which she was delivered by
his own free motion, because indeed he could no longer
exist without her company; and lastly, our lover under-
stood that her governante was a mere dia^^,^ who had
been recommended to him by a Spanish merchant.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 429
whose wife slie attended to her dying day ; but she
very much questioned whether or not her fideUty was
proof enough against money and strong waters. Pere-
gi'ine assured her the experiment should be tried be-
fore parting ; and they agreed to pass the night at
Versailles, provided his endeavours should succeed.
Having exercised themselves in this manner, until
his duenna's spirits were pretty much exhausted, that
she might be the better disposed to recruit them with
a glass of liqueur, they returned to their apartment,
and the cordial was recommended and received in a
bumper; but as it did not produce such a visible
alteration as the sanguine hopes of Pickle had made
him expect, and the old gentlewoman observed that
it began to be late, and that the gates would be shut
in a little time, he filled up a parting glass and pledged
her in equal quantity. Her blood was too much
chilled to be warmed even by this .extraordinary dose,
which made immediate innovation in the brain of our
youth, who in the gaiety of his imagination over- ^^
whelmed this She- Argu s with such profusion of
gallantry, that she was more intoxicated with his ex-
pressions than with the spirits she had drunk. When,
in the course of toying, he dropped a purse into her
bosom, she seemed to forget how the night wore, and
with the approbation of her charge, assented to his
proposal of having something for supper.
This was a great point which our adventurer had
gained ; a nd yet he plainly perceived that the govcr-
TZOZzi^-jiiistoolL- his meanings i)y_ giving herself credit
fbr all the ^^ssion he had professed. As this error
could be rectified by no other means than those of
plying her with the bottle, until her distinguishing
faculties should be overpowered, he promoted a quick
circulation. She did him justice, without any manifest
430 THE ADVENTURES OF
signs of inebriation so long, that his own eyes began
to reel in the sockets ; and he found that before his
scheme could be accomplished, he should be effectually
unfitted for all the purposes of love. He therefore had
recourse to his valet-de-chambre, who understood the
liint as soon as it was given, and readily undertook to
perform the part of which his master had played the
prelude. This affair being settled to his satisfaction,
and the night at odds with morning, he took an oppor-
tunity of imparting to the ear of this aged dulcinea a
kind whisper, importing a promise of visiting her when
his sister should be retired to her chamber, and an
earnest desire of leaving her door unlocked.
This agreeable intimation being communicated, he
conveyed a caution of the same nature to Mrs. Horn-
r^beck as he led her to her apartment; and d arkness
^ 1 and sile nce no sooner prevailed in the house th an he
I and his trusty sc[uire se t out on t heir different yoj^ag;es.
Everything would have succeeded according to their
wish, had not the valet-de-chambre suffered himself to
fall asleep at the side of his inamorata, and in the
aofitation of a violent dream, exclaimed in a voice so
unlike that of her supposed adorer that she distin-
guished the difference at once. Waking him with a
pinch and a loud shriek, she threatened to prosecute
him for a rape, and reviled him with all the epithets
her rage and disappointment could suggest.
The Frenchman, finding himself detected, behaved
with great temper and address ; he begged she would
compose herself, on account of her own reputation,
which was extremely dear to him ; protesting that he
bad a most inviolable esteem for her person. His re-
presentations had weight with the duenna, who, upon
recollection, comprehended the whole affair, and
thought it would be her interest to bring matters to an
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 431
accommodation. She therefore admitted the apologies
of her bed-fellow, provided he would promise to atone
by marriage for the mjury she had sustained ; and in
this particular he set her heart at ease bj repeated
vows, which he uttered with surprising volubility,
though without any intention to perform the least tittle
of their contents.
Peregrine, who had been alarmed by her exclama-
tion, and run to the door with a view of interposing,
according to the emergency of the case, overhearing
the affair thus compromised, returned to his mistress,
who was highly entertained with an account of what
had passed, foreseeing that for the future she should
be under no difficulty or restriction from the severity
of her guard.
CHAPTER LX.
Hornheck is injormed of Ms wife^s adventure with Pere-
grine^ for whom he prepares a stratagem., which is
rendered ineffectual hy the information of Pipes. The
husband is ducked for his intention^ and our hero
apprehended hy the patrol.
There was another person, however, still ungained ;
and that was no other than her footman, whose secresy
our hero attempted to secure in the morning by a hand-
some present, which he received with many professions
of gratitude and devotion to his service ; yet this com-
plaisance was nothing but a cloak used to disguise the
design he harboured of making his master acquainted
with the whole transaction. Indeed, this lackey had
432 THE ADVENTURES OF
been hired, not only as a spy upon his mistress, but
also as a check upon the conduct of the governante^
with promise of ample reward if ever he should dis-
cover any sinister or suspicious practices in the course
of his behaviour. As for the footman whom they had
brought from England, he was retained in attendance
upon the person of his master, whose confidence he
had lost by advising him to gentle methods of reclaim-
ing his lady when her irregularities had subjected her
to his wrath.
The Flemish valet, in consequence of the office he
had undertaken, wrote to Hornbeck by the first post,
giving an exact detail of the adventure at Versailles,
with such a description of the pretended brother as
left the husband no room to think he could be any
other person than his first dishonourer; and ex-
asperated him to such a degree, that he resolved to lay
an ambush for his invader, and at once disqualify him
from disturbing his repose by maintaining further cor-
respondence with his wife.
Meanwhile, the lovers enjoyed themselves without
restraint, and Peregrine's plan of inquiry after his dear
Unknown was for the present postponed. His fellow-
travellers were confounded at his mysterious motions,
which filled the heart of Jolter with anxiety and terror.
This careful conductor was fraught with such ex-
perience of his pupil's disposition, that he trembled
with the apprehension of some sudden accident, and
■lived in continual alarm, like a man that walks under
the wall of a nodding tower. Nor did he enjoy any
alleviations of his fears, when, upon telling the young
gentleman that the rest of the company were desirous
of departing for Antwerp, he answered, they were at
liberty to consult their own inclinations ; but, for his
own part, he resolved to stay in Brussels a few days
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 433
longer. By this declaration the governor was con-
firmed in the opinion of his having some intrigue upon
the anvil. In the bitterness of his vexation, he took
the liberty of signifying his suspicion, and reminding
him of the dangerous dilemmas to which he had been
reduced by his former precipitation.
Peregrine took his caution in good part, and pro-
mised to behave with such circumspection as would
screen him from any troublesome consequences for the
future ; but, nevertheless, behaved that same evening
in such a manner as plainly showed that his prudence
was nothing else than vain speculation. He had made
an appointment to spend the night, as usual, with Mrs.
Hornbeck; and about nine o'clock hastened to her
lodgings, when he was accosted in the street by his old
discarded friend Thomas Pipes, who , withou l^.ny other
prea mble, told him, that, for all he had turned him
adrift, he did not choose to see him run full sail into
his en emy's^^harhour without giving him timely notice
of the danger. ' Pll tell you what,' said he, ' mayhap
' you think I want to curry favour that I may be taken
' in tow again ; if you do, you have made a mistake
' in your reckoning. I am old enough to be laid up,
' and have wherewithal to keep my planks from the
' weather. But this here is the affair: I have known
* you since you were no higher than a marlinspike,
* and shouldn't care to see you deprived of your
' rigging at these years ; whereby I am informed by
'• Hornbeck' s man, whom I this afternoon fell in with
' by chance, as how his master has got intelligence of
' your boarding his wife, and has steered privately into
' this port, with a large complement of hands, in
' order, d'ye see, to secure you while you are under
' the hatches. Now, if so be as how you have a mind
' to give him a salt eel for his supper, here I am, with-
VOL. III. 28
-f
434 TEE ADVENTURES OF
' out liope of fee or reward, ready to stand by you as
' long as my timbers will stick together; and, if I
' expect any recompense, may I be bound to eat
' oakum and drink bilge water for life ! '
Startled at this information, Peregrine examined him
upon the particulars of his discourse with the lackey ;
and when he understood that Hornbeck's intelligence
flowed from the canal of his Flemish footman, he be-
lieved every circumstance of Tom's report, thanked
him for this warning, and after having reprimanded
him for his misbehaviour at Lisle, assured him that it
should be his own fault if ever they should part again.
He then Meliberated with himself whether or not he
should retort the purpose upon his adversary ; but
when he couriered that Hornbeck was not the ag-
gressor, and made that unhappy husband's case his
own, he could not help quitting his intention of rgj
yeno'e ; though, in his opinion, it ought to have been
executed in a more honourable manner, and therefore
\ he determined to chastise him for his want of spiritj
I Nothing, surely, can be more insolent and unjust than
<; this determination, which induced him to punish a per-
Ison for his want of courage to redress the injury which
/he himself had done to his reputation and peace ; and
yet this barbarity of decision is authorized by the
opinion and practice of mankind.
With these sentiments he returned to the inn, and
putting a pair of pistols in his pocket, ordered his valet-
de-chambre and Pipes to follow him at a small distance,
so as that they should be within call in case of neces-
sity, then posted himself within thirty yards of his
Dulcinea's door. There he had not been above half
an hour, when he perceived four men take their station
on the other side, with a view, as he guessed, to watch
for his going in, that he might be taken unaware. But,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 435
Avlien they had tarried a considerable time in that
corner without reaping the fruits of their expectation,
their leader, persuaded that the gallant had gained ad-
mittance by some secret means, approached the door
with his followers, who, according to the instructions
they had received, no sooner saw it opened than they
rushed in, leaving their employer in the street, where
he thought his person would be least endangered. Our
adventurer, seeing him all alone, advanced with speed,
and clapping a pistol to his breast, commanded him to
follow his footsteps, without noise, on pain of imme-
diate death.
Terrified at this sudden apparition, Hornbeck
obeyed in silence ; and in a few minutes they arrived
at the quay, where Pickle, halting, gave him to under-
stand that he was no stranger to his villanous design ;
told him, that if he conceived himself injured by any
circumstances of his conduct, he would now give him
an opportunity of resenting the wi'ong in a manner be-
coming a man of honour. ' You have a sword about
' you,' said he, ' or, if you don't choose to put the affair
* on that issue, here is a brace of pistols ; take which
' you please.' Such an address could not fail to dis-
concert a man of his character. After some hesitation,
he in a faltering accent denied that his design was to
mutilate Mr. Pickle, but that he thought himself
entitled to the benefit of the law, by which he would
have obtained a divorce if he could have procured
evidence of his wife's infidelity, and with that view he
had employed people to take advantage of the infor-
mation he had received. AVith regard to his alterna-
tive, he declined it entirely, because he could not see
what satisfaction he should enjoy in being shot through
the head, or run through the lungs, by a person who
had already wronged him in an irreparable manner.
:-^8— 2
'436 THE ADVENTURES OF
Lastly, his fear made him propose that the affair should
be left to the arbitration of two creditable men, alto-
gether unconcerned in the dispute.
To these remonstrances Peregrine replied, in the
style of a hot-headed young man, conscious of his own
unjustifiable behaviour, that every gentleman ought to
be a judge of his own honour; and therefore he would
submit to the decision of no umpire whatsoever ; that
he would forgive his want of courage, which might be
a natural infirmity, but his mean dissimulation he could
not pardon ; that as he was certified of the rascally
mtent of his ambuscade, by undoubted intelligence, he
would treat him, not with a retaliation of his own
treachery, but with such indignity as a scoundrel de-
serves to suffer, unless he would make one effort to
maintain the character he assumed in life ; so saying,
he again presented his pistol, which being rejected as
before, he called his two ministers, and ordered them
to duck him in the canal.
This command was pronounced and executed almost
' in the same breath, to the unspeakable terror and dis-
order of the poor shivering patient, who, having under-
gone the immersion, ran about like a drowned rat,
A squeaking for assistance and revenge. His cries were
overheard by the patrol, which, chancing to pass that
way, took him under their protection, and in conse-
quence of his complaint and information, went in
pursuit of our adventurer and his attendants, who were
soon overtaken and surrounded. Eash and incon-
siderate as the young gentleman was, he did not
pretend to stand upon the defensive against a file of
musketeers, although Pipes had drawn his cutlass at
their approach, but surrendered himself without oppo-
sition, and was conveyed to the main guard, where
the commanding officer, engaged by his appearance
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 437'
and address, treated him with all imaginable respect.
Hearing the particulars of his adventure, he assured
him that the prince would consider the whole as a
tour de jeunesse^ and order him to be released without
delay.
Next morning, when this gentleman gave in his
report, he made such a favourable representation of
the prisoner, that our hero was on the point of being
discharged, when Hornbeck preferred a complaint,
accusing him of a purposed assassination, and praying
that such punishment should be inflicted upon him as
his highness should think adequate to the nature of
the crime. The prince, perplexed with this petition,
in consequence of which he foresaw that he must
disoblige a British subject, sent for the plaintiif, of
whom he had some knowledge, and in person exhorted
him to drop the prosecution, which would only serve
to propagate his shame. But Hornbeck was too much
incensed to listen to any proposal of that kind, and
peremptorily demanded justice against the prisoner,
whom he represented as an obscure adventurer, who
had made repeated attempts upon his honour and his
life. Prince Charles told him that what he had ad-
vised was in the capacity of a friend, but since he
insisted upon his acting as a magistrate, the aflair
should be examined, and determined according to the
dictates of justice and truth.
The petitioner being dismissed with this promise,
the defendant was in his turn brought before the judge,
whose prepossession in his favour was in a great ^
measure weakened by what his antagonist had said to
the prejudice of his birth and reputation.
438 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER LXI.
Peregrine is released. Joltcr confounded at Ms mysterious
conduct. A contest happens hetioeen the poet and
painter.^ loho are reconciled by the mediation of their
fellow-travellers.
Our hero, miclerstanding from some expressions which
escaped the prince, that he was considered in the light
of a sharper and assassin, begged that he might have
the hberty of sending for some vouchers, that would
probably vindicate his character from the malicious
aspersion of his adversary. This permission being
granted, he wrote a letter to his governor, desiring
that he would brins; to him the letters of recommenda-
tion which he had received from the British ambassador
at Paris, and such other papers as he thought con-
ducive to evince the importance of his situation.
The billet was given in charge to one of the subaltern
officers on duty, who carried it to the inn, and de-
manded to speak with Mr. Jolter. Pallet, who happened
to be at the door when this messenger arrived, and
heard him inquire for the tutor, ran directly to that
gentleman's apartment, and in manifest disorder told
him that a huge fellow of a soldier, with a monstrous
pair of whiskers, and a fur cap as big as a bushel, was
asking for him at the door. The poor governor began/
to shake at this intimation, though he was not con-
scious of having committed anything that could attract
the attention of the State. When the officer appeare(J
at his chamber-door, his confusion increased to such
a degree that his perception seemed to vanish, and the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 439
subaltern repeated the purport of his errand three
times before he coukl comprehend his meaning or
venture to receive the letter which he presented. At
length he summoned all his fortitude, and having
perused the epistle, his terror sunk into anxiety. His
ingenuous fear immediately suggested that Peregrine
was confined in a dungeon for some outrage he had
committed. He ran with great agitation to a trunk,
and taking out a bundle of papers, followed his con-
ductor, being attended by the painter, to whom he had
hinted his apprehension. When they passed through
the guard, which was under arms, the hearts of both
died within them ; and when they came into the pre-
sence, there Avas such an expression of awful horror on
the countenance of Jolter, that the prince, observing
his dismay, was pleased to encourage him with an
assurance that he had nothing to fear. Thus com-
forted, he re-collected himself so well as to understand
his pupil when he desired him to produce the ambas-
sador's letters ; some of which being open were imme-
diately read by his highness, who was personally ac-
quainted with the writer, and knew several of the
noblemen to whom they were addressed. Tbese re-
commendations were so warm, and represented the
young gentleman in such an advantageous light, that
the prince, convinced of the injustice his character
had suffered by the misrepresentation of Hornbeck,
took our hero " by the hand, asked pardon for the
doubts he had entertained of his honour, declared him
from that moment at liberty, ordered his domestics to
be enlarged, and offered him his countenance and
protection as long as he should remain in the Austrian
Netherlands. At the same time he cautioned him
against indiscretion in the course of his gallantries ;
and took his word and honour that he sliould drop all
440 THE ADVENTURES OF
measures of resentment against the person of Hornbeck
during his residence in that place.
The delinquent, thus honourably acquitted, thanked
the prince in the most respectful manner for his gene-
rosity and candour, and retired with his two friends,
who were amazed and bewildered in their thoughts at
what they had seen and heard, the whole adventure
still remaining Avithout the Sphere' of their compre-
hension, which was not at all enlarged by the unac-
countable appearance of Pipes, who, with the valet-de-
chambre, joined them at the castle gate. Had Jolter
been a man of luxuriant imagination, his brain would
undoubtedly have suffered in the investigation of his
pupil's mysterious conduct, which he strove in vain to
unravel ;£but his intellects were too solid to be affected
by the miscarriage of his invention ; jand as Peregrine
did not think proper to make him acquainted with
the cause of his being apprehended, he contented
himself with supposing that there was a lady in the
case.
The painter, whose ^ unagma tion] was of a more
flimsy texture, formed a thousand chimerical con-
jectures, which he communicated to Pickle in imperfect
insinuations, hoping, by his answers and behaviour,
to discover the truth ; but the youth, in order to tan-
talize him, eluded all his inquiries with such appear-
ance of industry and art as heightened his curiosity
while it disappointed his aim, and inflamed him to
such a degree of impatience that his wits began to be^/ ^
unsettled. Then Peregrine was fain to recompose his
brain by telling him, in confidence, that he had been
arrested as a spy. This secret he found more intoler-
able than his former uncertainty; he ran from one
apartment to another, like aLg^oosejin the agonies of
egg-laying, with intention of disburdening this im-
PEREGPdNE PICKLE. 441
portant load ; but Jolter being engaged witli his pupil,
and all the people of the house ignorant of the only
language he could speak, he was compelled with
infinite reluctance to address himself to the doctor,
who was at that time shut up in his own chamber.
Having knocked at the door to no purpose, he peeped
through the keyhole, and saw the physician sitting at
a table with a pen in one hand and paper before him,
his head reclined upon his other hand, and his eyes
fixed upon the ceiling as if he had been entranced.
Pallet, concluding that he was under the power of
some convulsion, endeavoured to force the door open ;
and the noise of his efforts recalled the doctor from
his reverie. This poetical republican being so dis-
agreeably disturbed, started up in a passion, and open-
ing the door, no sooner perceived who had interrupted
him than he flung it in his face with great fury, and
cursed him for his impertinent intrusion, which had
deprived him _of_thejiiost delightful vision that ever
regaled the >4juman fancyy He imagined, as he after-
wards imparted to Peregrine, that as he enjoyed him-
self in walking through the flowery plain that borders
on Parnassus, he was met by a venerable sage, whom,
by a certain divine vivacity that lightened from his
eyes, he instantly knew to be the immortal Pindar.
He was immediately struck with reverence and awe,
and prostrated himself before the apparition, which,
taking him by the hand, lifted him gently from the
ground ; and with words more sweet than the honey of
the Hybla bees, told him that of all the moderns, he
alone was visited by that celestial impulse by which he
himself had been inspired when he produced his most
applauded odes. So saying, he led him up the sacred
hill, persuaded him to drink a copious draught of the
waters of the Hippocrene, and then presented him to
442 THE ADVENTURES OF
the harmonious nine, who crowned his temples with a
laurel wreath.
No wonder that he was enraged to find himself cut
off from such sublime society. He raved in Greek
against the invader, who was so big with his own
purpose, that unmindful of the disgrace he had
sustained, and disregarding all the symptoms of the
physician's displeasure, he applied his mouth to the
door, in an eager tone, ' I'll hold you any wager,'
said he, ' that I guess the true cause of Mr. Pickle's
' imprisonment.' To this challenge he received no
reply, and therefore repeated it ; adding, ' I suppose
you imagine he was taken up for fighting a duel, or
affronting a nobleman, or lying with some man's wife,
or some such matter 5 but, egad ! you were never
more out in your life ; and I'll lay my Cleopatra
against your Homer's head, that in four-and-twenty
hours you shan't light on the true reason.'
The favourite of the muses, exasperated at this vex-
atious perseverance of the painter, who he imagined
had come to tease and insult him, ' I would,' said he,
sacrifice a cock to Esculapius, were I assured that
any person had been taken up for, extirpating
such a troublesome Goth as you are from the face
of the earth. As for your boasted Cleopatra, which
you say was drawn from your own wife, I believe
the copy has as much of the to kuXov as the original.
But, were it mine, it should be hung up in the temple
of Cloacina as the picture of that goddess ; for any
other apartment would be disgraced by its appear-
ance.' ' Hark ye, sir,' replied Pallet, enraged in his
( turn at the contemptuous mention of his darling per-
yormance, ' you may make as free with my wife as you
y may think proper; but 'ware my works; those are
(* the children of ^ly fancy, conceived by the glowing
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 443
imagjijation, and formed by tlie art of my own hands ;
and you yourself are a Gotli, and a Turk, and a
Tartar, and an impudent pretending jackanapes, to
treat with such disrespect a production which, in
the opinion of all the connoisseurs of the age, will,
wdien finished, be a masterpiece in its kind, and do
honour to human genius and skill. So I say again
and again, and I care not though your friend Playtor
heard me, that you have no more taste than a dray-
man's horse, and that tliose foolish notions of the
X.* ancients ought to be drubbed out of you with a good
cudgel, that you might learn to treat men of parts
with more veneration. Perhaps you may not always
be in the company of one who will halloo for assist-
ance, when you are on the brink of being chastised
for your insolence, as I did, when you brought upon
yourself the resentment of that Scot, who, by the
Lard ! would have paid you both scot and lot, as
Falstaff says, if the French officer had not put him
in arrest.'
The physician, to this declamation, which was con-
veyed through the keyhole, answered, that he, the
painter, was a fellow so infinitely below his consider-
ation, that his conscience upbraided him with no action
of his life except that of choosing such a wretch for
his companion and fellow-traveller. That he had
viewed his character through the medium of good-
nature and compassion, which had prompted him to
give Pallet an opportunity of acquiring some new ideas
under his immediate instruction ; but he had abused
his goodness and condescension in such a flagrant
manner, that he now determined to discard him en-
tirely from his acquaintance, and desired him, for the
present, to take himself away on pain of being kicked
for his presumption.
444 THE ADVENTURES OF
Pallet was too much incensed to be intimidated
by Ills threat, which he retorted with great virulence,
defying him to come forth, that it might appear which
of them was best skilled in that pedestrian exercise,
which he immediately began to practice against the
door with such thundering application as reached the
ears of Pickle and his governor, who, coming out into
the passage and seeing him thus employed, asked if he
had forgotten the chamber-pots of Alost, that he ven-
tured to behave in such a manner as entitled him to
a second prescription of the same nature.
The doctor, understanding that there was company
at hand, opened the door in a twinkling ; and springing
upon his antagonist like a tiger, a fierce contention
would have ensued, to the infinite satisfaction of our
hero, had not Jolter, to the manifest peril of his own
person, interposed, and, partly by force and partly by
exhortations, put a stop to the engagement before it
was fairly begun. After having demonstrated the
indecency of such a vulgar rencounter between two
fellow-citizens in a foreign land, he begged to know
the cause of their dissension, and offered his good
offices towards an accommodation. Peregrine also,
seeing the affray was finished, expressed himself to the
same purpose; and the painter, for obvious reasons,
declining an explanation, his antagonist to ld the youth
what a mortifying interruptio n he h ad suffered by the
impertinent intrusion of Pallet, and gave him a detail
of the particulars of his vision, as above recited.
The arbiter owned the provocation was not to be
endured; and decreed that the offender should make
some atonement for his transgression. Upon which
the painter observed, that, howsoever he might have
been disposed to make acknowledgments, if the
physician had signified his displeasure like a gentle-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 445
man, the complainant had now forfeited all claim to
any such concessions by the vulgar manner in which
he had reviled him and his productions ; observing,
that if he (the painter) had been inclined to retort
his slanderous insinuations, the republican's own works
would have afforded ample subject for his ridicule and
censure.
After divers disputes and representations, peace was
at length concluded, on condition that, for the future,
the doctor should never mention Cleopatra, unless he
could say something in her praise ; and that Pallet, in
consideration of his having been the first aggressor,
should make a sketch of the physician's vision, to
be engraved and prefixed to the next edition of
his odes.
CHAPTER LXIT.
The travellers depart for Antwerp.^ at which place the
painter gives a loose to his enthusiasm.
Our adventurer, bafiled in all his efforts to retrieve his
lost Amanda, yielded at length to the remonstrances
of his governor and fellow-travellers, who, out of pure
complaisance to him, had exceeded their intended stay
by six days at least ; and a couple of post-chaises
with three riding-horses being hired, they departed
from Brussels in the morning, dined at Mechlin, and
arrived about eight in the evening at the venerable
city of Antwerp. During this day's journey. Pallet
was elevated to an uncommon flow of spirits with the
prospect of seeing the birth-place of Rubens, for whom
446 THE ADVENTURES OF
lie professed an entliusiastic admiration. He swore
tliat the pleasure lie felt was equal to that of a Mussul-
man on the last day of his pilgrimage to Mecca ; and
that he already considered himself a native of Antwerp,
being so intimately acquainted with their so-justly-
boasted citizen, from whom, at certain junctures, he
could not help believing himself derived, because his
own pencil adopted the manner of that great man with
surprising facility, and his face wanted nothing but
a pair of whiskers and a beard to exhibit the ex-
press image of the Fleming's countenance. He told
them he was so proud of this resemblance, that, in
order to render it more striking, he liad at one time
of his life resolved to keep his face sacred from the
razor ; and in that purpose had persevered, notwith-
standing the continual reprehensions of Mrs. Pallet
( wlj£), -bein g, thpn -yYJth cliild^_sai d his aspect w ^ so
hideo us, that she dreaded a miscarriage every houir),
until she threatened, in plain terms, to dispute the
sanity of his intellects, and apply to the chancellor for
a committee.
The doctor on this occasion observed, that a man
who is not proof against the solicitations of a woman,
can never expect to make a great figure in life ; that
painters and poets ought to cultivate no wives but the
Muses ; or if they are, by the accidents of fortune, en-
cumbered with families, they should carefully guard
against that pernicious weakness falsely honoured with
the appellation of natuzal aj^ection^ and pay no manner
of regard to the 'impertment customs of the world.
Granting that you had been, for a short time, deemed
a lunatic,' said he, ' you might have acquitted yourself
honourably of that imputation by some performance
that would have raised your character above all cen-
sure. Sophocles himself, that celebrated tragic poet
PEBEGBINE PICKLE. 447
^ who, for the sweetness of his versification, was styled
' fiiXiTTu^ or the bee^ in his old age suffered the same
' accusation from his own children, who, seeing him
' neglect his family affairs and devote himself entirely
' to poetry, carried him before the magistrate as a man
' whose intellects were so much impaired by the in-
' firmities of age, that he was no longer fit to manage
* his domestic concerns ; upon which the reverend bard
' produced his tragedy of Oi^nrsg e-m koXiovw, as a work
' he had just finished, which, being perused, instead of
' being declared unsound of understanding, he was
^ dismissed with admiration and applause. I wish your
' beard and whiskers had been sanctioned by the like
' authority, though I am afraid you would have been
' in the predicament of those disciples of a certain
^ philosopher, who drank decoctions of cummin seeds
' that their faces might adopt the paleness of their
' master's complexion, hoping that, in being as wan,
' they would be as learned as their teacher.' The
painter, stung with this sarcasm, replied, ' or, like those
' virtuosi, who, by repeating Greek, eating silly-kickaby,
' and pretending to see visions, think they equal the
' ancients iaj^^teand genius^' The physician retorted,
Pallet rejoined, ancl tlie altercation continued until they
entered the gates of Antwerp, when the admirer of
Rubens broke forth into a rapturous exclamation,
which put an end to the dispute and attracted the
notice of the inhabitants, many of whom, by shrugging
up their shoulders and pointing to their foreheads, gave
shrewd indications that they believed him a poor
gentleman disordered in his brain.
They had no sooner alighted at the inn, than this
rj^?J/<ip-^P^^^isi-^'^^ proposed to visit the great church, in
Avhich he had been informed some of his master's pieces
were to be seen, and was remarkably chagrined when
448 THE ADVENTURES OF
he understood that he could not be admitted till next
Alay. Hej;;ose next morning; by daybreak, and disturbed
J his fellow-travellers _ in such a noisy and clamorous
\ manner, that Peregrine determined to punish him with
/ some new infliction ; and while he put on his clothes,
actually formed the plan of promoting a duel between
him and the doctor, in the management of which he
promised himself store of entertain m ent from_ the
T^pTinvinnr nf both.
Being provided with one of those domestics who are
always in waiting to offer their services to strangers on
their first arrival, they were conducted to the house of
a gentleman who had an excellent collection of pictures,
and though the greatest part of them were painted by
his favourite artist, Pallet condemned them all by the
lump, because Pickle had told him beforehand that
there was not one performance of Eubens among the
number.
The next place they visited was what is called the
Academy of Painting, furnished with a number of
paltry pieces, in which our painter recognised the
style of Peter Paul, with many expressions of admira-
tion, on the same sort of previous intelligence.
From this repository they went to the great church ;
and being led to the tomb of Rubens, the whimsical
painter fell upon his knees, and worshipped, with such
appearance of devotion, that the attendant, scandalized
at his superstition, pulled him up ; observing, with
great warmth, that the person buried in that place was
no saint, but as great a sinner as himself; and that, if
he was spiritually disposed, there was a chapel of the
Blessed Virgin, at the distance of three yards on the
right hand, to which he might retire. He thought it
was incumbent upon him to manifest some extra-
ordinary inspiration while he resided on the spot where
rEREGRINE PICKLE. 449
Rubens was born ; and therefore his whole behaviour
was an affectation of rapture, expressed in distracted
exclamations, convulsive starts, and uncouth gesticula-
tions. In the midst of his frantic behaviour, he saw
an old Capuchin with a white beard mount the pulpit,
and hold forth to the congregation with such violence
of emphasis and gesture as captivated his fancy ; and,
bawling aloud, ' Zounds ! what an excellent Paul
' preaching at Athens ! ' he pulled a pencil and a small
memorandum-book from his pocket, and began to take
a sketch of the orator with great eagerness and agita-
tion, saying, ' Egad ! friend Eaphael, we shall see
' whether you or I have the best knack of trumping up
' an apostle.' This appe arance of disrespect gave offence
to the audience, which began to murmur _ jLga.inst this
hprpt jp, libertine ; when one of the priests belonging to
the choir, in order to prevent any ill consequence from
their displeasure, came and told him,, in the French
language, that such liberties were not ]3ermitted in
their religion, and advised him to lay aside his imple-
ments, lest the people would take umbrage at his
design, and be provoked to punish him as a profane
scoffer at their worship.
The painter, seeing himself addressed by a friar,
who, while he spoke, bowed with great complaisance,
imagined that he was a begging brother come to sup-
plicate his charity ; and his attention being quite
engrossed by the design he was making, he patted the
priest's shaven crown with his hand, saying, ' Oter terns,
* oter tems;^ and then resumed his pencil with great
earnestness. The ecclesiastic, perceiving . that the
stranger did not comprehend his meaning, pulled liim
by tlie sleeve, and explained himself in the Latin
tongue ; upon which Pallet, provoked at his intrusion,
cursed him aloud for an impudent beggarly son of a
VOL. III. 29
450 THE ADVENTURES OF
whore ; and taking out a shilling, flung it upon the
pavement, with manifest signs of indignation.
Some of the common people, enraged to see their
religion contemned, and their priests insulted at the
very altar, rose from their feet ; and surrounding the
astonished painter, one of the number snatched his
book from his hand, and tore it into a thousand pieces.
Frightened as he was, he could not help crying, ' Fire
' and faggots ! all my favourite ideas are gone to
' wreck ! ' and was in danger of being very roughly
handled by the crowd, had not Peregrine stepped in,
and assured them, that he was a poor unhappy gentle-
man who laboured under a transport of the brain.
Those who understood the French language commu-
nicated this information to the rest, so that he escaped
without any other chastisement than that of being
obliged to retire. And as they could not see the famous
descent from the cross till after the service was finished,
they were conducted by their domestic to the house of
a painter, where they found a beggar standing for his
picture, and the artist actually employed in representing
a huge louse that crawled upon his shoulder. Pallet •
was wonderfully pleased with this circumstance, which,
he said, was altogether a new thought and an excellent
hint, of which he would make his advantage ; and, in
the course of his survey of this Fleming's performances,
perceiving a piece in which two flies were engaged
upon the carcass of a dog half devoured, he ran to
his brother .^jrush, and swore he was worthy of being
a fellow-citizen of the immortal Rubens. He then
lamented, with many expressions of grief and resent-
ment, that he had lost his common-place book, in
which he had preserved a thousand conceptions of the
same sort, formed by the accidental objects of his
senses and imagination; and took an opportunity of
PEREGBINE PICKLE. 451
telling Ms fellow-travellers, that in execution lie had
equalled, if not excelled, the two ancient painters who
vied with each otlier in the representation of a curtain
and a bunch of grapes; for he had exhibited the
image of a certain object so like to nature, that the
bare sight of it set a whole liogsty in an uproar.
When he had examined and applauded all the pro-
ductions of this minute artist, they returned to the
great church, and were entertained with the view of
that celebrated masterpiece of Eubens, in which he
has introduced the portraits of himself and his whole
family. The doors that conceal tliis capital perform-
ance were no sooner unfolded than our enthusiast,
debarred the use of speech by a previous covenant
with his friend Pickle, lifted up his hands and eyes,
and putting himself in the attitude of Hamlet, when
his father's ghost appears, adored in silent ecstasy
and awe. He even made a merit of necessity; and
when they had withdrawn from the place, protested
that his whole faculties were swallowed up in love and
admiration. He now professed himself more than
ever enamoured of the Flemish school, raved in ex-
travagant encomiums, and proposed that the whole
company should pay homage to the memory of the
divine Rubens, by repairing forthwith to the house in^'^
which he lived, and prostrating themselves on the
floor of his painting-room. -
As there was nothing remarkable in the tenement,
which had been rebuilt more than once since the
death of that great man. Peregrine excused himself
from complying with the proposal, on pretence of
being fatigued with the circuit they had already
performed. Jolter declined it for the same reason;
and the question being put to the doctor, he refused
his company with an air of disdain. Pallet, piqude
29—2
452 THE ADVENTURES OF
at his contemptuous manner, asked, ' If he would not
' go and see the habitation of Pindoor, provided he
' was in the city where that poet lived ? ' and when
the physician observed, that there was an infinite
diflPerence between the men ; ' That I'll allow,' rephed
the painter, ' for the devil a poet ever lived in Greece
' or Ti'oy that was worthy to clean the pencils of our
' beloved Rubens.' The physician could not with any
degree of temper and forbearance hear this outrageous
blasphemy, for which, he said. Pallet's eyes ought to
be picked out by owls ; and the dispute arose, as usual,
to such scurrilities of language and indecency of
behaviour, that passengers began to take notice of
their animosity, and Peregrine was obliged to interpose
for his own credit.
CHAPTER LXIII.
Peregrine artfully foments a quarrel between Pallet and
the physician^ who fight a duel on the ramparts.
The painter betook himself to the house of the Flemish
Raphael, and the rest of the company went back to
their lodgings; where the young gentleman, taking
the advantage of being alone with the physician,
recapitulated all the affronts he had sustained from
the painter's petulance, aggravating every circumstance
of the disgrace, and advising him, in the capacity of a
friend, to take care of his honour, which could not fail
to suffer in the opinion of the world if he allowed
himself to be insulted with impunity by one so much
his inferior in every degree of consideration.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 453
The physician assured him that Pallet had hitherto
escaped chastisement by being deemed an object un-
worthy his resentment, and in consideration of the
wretch's family, for which his compassion was inte-
rested; but that repeated injuries would inflame the
most benevolent disposition : and although he could
find no precedent of duelling among the Greeks and
Eomans, whom he considered as the patterns of de-
meanour, Pallet should no longer avail himself of his
veneration for the ancients, but be punished for the
very next offence he should commit.
Having thus spirited up the doctor to a resolution
from which he could not decently swerve, our adven-
turer acted the incendiary with the other party also,
giving him to understand that the physician treated his
character with such contempt, and behaved to him
with such insolence, as no gentleman ought to bear;
that, for his own part, he was every day put out of
countenance by their mutual animosity, which appeared
in nothing but vulgar expressions more becoming shoe-
boys and oyster-women than men of honour and educa-
tion; and therefore he should be obliged, contrary to
his inclination, to break off all correspondence with
them both if they would not fall upon some method to
retrieve the dignity of their characters.
These representations would have had little effect
upon the timidity of the painter, who was likewise too
much of a Grecian to approve of single combat in any
other way than that of boxing, an exercise in which he
was well skilled, had they not been accompanied with
an insinuation that his antagonist was no Hector, and
that he might humble him into any concession without
running the least personal risk. Animated by this
assurance, our second Eubens set the trumpet of de-
fiance to his mouth, swore he valued not his life a
454- THE ADVENTURES OF
rush when his honour was concerned, and entreated
Mr. Pickle to be the bearer of a challenge, which he
would instantly commit to writing.
The mischievous fomenter highly applauded this
manifestation of courage, by which he was at liberty to
cultivate his friendship and society, but declined the
office of carrying the billet, that his tenderness of
Pallet's reputation might not be misinterpreted into an
officious desire of promoting quarrels. At the same
time, he recommended Tom Pipes, not only as a very
proper messenger on this occasion, but also as a trusty
second in the field. The magnanimous painter took
his advice, and, retiring to his chamber, penned a chal-
lenge in these terms : —
' Sir,
' When I am heartily provoked, I fear not the devil
himself, much less 1 will not call you a pedantic
coxcomb, nor an unmannerly fellow, because these
are the hippythets of the wulgar ; but, remember, such
as you are, I nyther love you nor fear you ; but, on
the contrary, expect satisfaction for your audacious
behaviour to me on divers occasions, and will this
evening, in the twilight, meet you on the ramparts
with sword and pistol, wliere the Lord have mercy on
the soul of one of us; for, your body shall find no
favour with your incensed defier till death,
' Layman Pallet.'
This resolute defiance, after having been submitted
to the perusal and honoured with the approbation of
our youth, was committed to the charge of Pipes, who,
according to his orders, delivered it in the afternoon,
and brought for answer, that the physician would attend
him at the appointed time and place. The challenger
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 455
was evidently discomposed at the unexpected news of
this acceptance, and ran about the house in great dis-
order in quest of Peregrine, to beg his further advice
and assistance ; but, understanding that the youth was
engaged in private with his adversary, he began to sus-
pect some collusion, and cursed himself for his folly
and precipitation. He even entertained some thoughts of
retracting his invitation, and submitting to the triumph
of his antagonist ; but, before he would stoop to this ,
opprobrious condescension, he resolved to try another
expedient, which might be the means of saving both his
character and person. In this hope, he visited Mr.
Jolter, and very gravely desired he would be so good
as to undertake the office of his second in a duel which
he was to fight that evening with the physician.
The governor, instead of answering his expectation,
in expressing fear and concern, and breaking forth into
exclamations of ' Good God ! gentlemen, what d'ye
' mean ? You sliall not murder one another while it
' is in my power to prevent your purpose. I will go
' directly to the governor of the place, who shall in-
' terpose his authority : ' — I say, instead of these and
other friendly menaces of prevention, Jolter heard the
proposal with the most phlegmatic tranquillity, and
excused himself from accepting the honour he intended
for him on account of his character and situation,
which would not permit him to be concerned in any
such rencounters. Indeed, this mo rtifyi ng reception
was owing to a previous hint from Peregrine, who,
dreading some sort of interruption from his governor,
had made him acquainted with his design, and assured
him that the affair should not be brought to any dan-
gerous issue.
Thus disappointed, the dejected challenger was over-
whelmed with perplexity and dismay ; and in the ter-
456 THE ADVENTURES OF
rors of death or mutilation, resolved to deprecate the
wrath of his enemy, and conform to any submission
he should propose ; when he was accidentally en-
countered by our adventurer, who, with demonstra-
tions of infinite satisfaction, told him in confidence that
his billet had thrown the doctor into an agony of con-
sternation ; that his acceptance of his challenge was
a mere effort of despair, calculated to confound the
ferocity of the sender, and dispose him to listen to
terms of accommodation; that he had imparted the
letter to him with fear and trembling, on pretence of
engaging him as a second, but, in reality, with a view
of obtaining his good offices in promoting a reconcilia-
tion ; ' but, perceiving the situation of his mind,' added
our hero, ' I thought it would be more for your honour
to baffie his expectation, and therefore I readily un-
dertook the task of attending him to the field, in full
assurance that he will there humble himself before
you even to prostration. In tliis security, you may
go and prepare your arms, and bespeak the assistance
of Pipes, who will squire you in the field, while I
keep myself up that our correspondence may not be
suspected by the physician.' Pallet's spirits, that
were sunk to dejection, rose at this encouragement to
all the insolence of triumph ; he again declaring his
contempt of danger, and his pistols being loaded and
accommodated with new flints by his trusty armour-
bearer, he waited, without flinching, for the hour of
battle.
On the first approach of twilight, somebody knocked
at his door, and Pipes having opened it at his desire,
he heard the voice of his antagonist pronounce, ' Tell
' Mr. Pallet that I am going to the place of appoint-
' ment.' The painter was not a little surprised at this
anticipation, which so ill agreed with the information
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 457
he had received from Pickle ; and his concern begin-
ning to recur, he fortified himself with a large bumper
of brandy, which, however, did not overcome the
anxiety of his thoughts. Nevertheless, he set out on
the expedition with his second, betwixt whom and
himself the following dialogue passed, in their way to
the ramparts. ' Mr. Pipes,' said the painter, with dis-
ordered accent, ' methinks the doctor was in a pestilent
'• hurry with that message of his.' ' Ey, ey,' answered
Tom, 'I do suppose he longs to be foul of you.'
' What ! ' replied the other, ' d'ye think he thirsts after
' my blood ? ' 'To be sure a does,' said Pipes, thrust-
ing a large quid of tobacco in his cheek with great
deliberation. ' If that be the case,' cried Pallet, be-
ginning to shake, ' he is no better than a cannibal, and
' no Christian ought to fight him on equal footing.'
Tom, observing his emotion, eyed him with a frown
of indignation, saying, ' You a'n't afraid, are you ? '
' God forbid ! ' replied the challenger, stammering with
fear; 'what should I be afraid of? The worst he can
' do is to take my life, and then he'll be answerable
' both to God and man for the murder. Don't you
' think he will ? ' 'I think no such matter,' answered
the second, ' if so be as how he puts a brace of bullets
' through your bows, and kills you fairly, it is no more
' murder than if I was to bring down a noddy from the
' main-topsail-yard.' By this time Pallet's teeth chat-
tered with such violence, that he could scarcely pro-
nounce this reply : ' Mr. Thomas, you seem to make
' very light of a man's life ; but I trust in the Almighty
' I shall not be. so easily brought down. Sure, many
' a man has fought a duel without losino; his life. Do
' you imagine that I run such a hazard of falling by
' the hand of my adversary ? ' ' You may, or you may
' not,' said the unconcerned Pipes, 'just as it happens.
458 THE ADVENTURES OF
' What then ? Death is a debt that every man owes,
' accordmg to the song ; and if you set foot to foot, I
' think one of you must go to pot.' ' Foot to foot ! '
exclaimed the terrified painter, ' that's downright
butchery; and I'll be d — before I fight any man
* on earth in such a barbarous way. What ! d'ye
' take me to be a savage beast ? ' This declaration he
made while they ascended the ramparts. His atten-
dant, perceiving the physician and his second at the
distance of a hundred paces before them, gave him
notice of their appearance, and advised him to make
ready, and behave like a man. Pallet in vain en-
deavoured to conceal his panic, which discovered
itself in a universal trepidation of body, and the
lamentable tone in which he answered this exhortation
of Pipes, saying, ^ I do behave lik e^ man ; bu t you
' would have me act th e__part of a brute. Are they
' coming this way?' When Tom told him that they
had faced about, and admonished him to advance, the
nerves of his arm refused their ofl&ce, he could not
hold out his pistol, and, instead of going forward,
retreated with an insensibility of motion; till Pipes,
placing himself in the rear, set his own back to that
of his principal, and swore he should not budge an
inch farther in that direction.
While the valet thus tutored the painter, his master
enjoyed the terrors of the physician, which were more
ridiculous than those of Pallet, because he was more
intent upon disguising them. His declaration to Pickle
in the morning would not suffer him to start any
objections when he received the challenge ; and, finding
that the young gentleman made no offer of mediating
the affair, but rather congratulated him on the occasion,
when he communicated the painter's billet, all his
efforts consisted in oblique hints and general reflections
]
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 459
upon the absurdity of duelling, wliicli was first inti'o-
duced among civilized nations by the barbarous Huns
and Longobards. He likewise pretended to ridicule
the use of firearms, which confounded all the distinc-
tions of skill and address, and deprived a combatant
of the opportunity of signalizing his personal prowess.
Pickle assented to the justness of his observations;
but at the same time represented the necessity of com-
plying with the customs of the world, ridiculous as
they were, on which a man's honour and reputation
depend. So that, seeing no hopes of profiting by that
artifice, the republican's agitation became more and
more remarkable ; and he proposed, in plain terms,
that they should contend in armour, like the com-
batants of ancient days ; for it was but reasonable that
they should practise the manner of fighting since they
adopted the disposition of those iron times.
Nothing could have afforded more diversion to our
hero than the fight of two such duellists cased in iron ;
and he wished that he had promoted the quarrel in
Brussels, where he could have hired the armour of
Charles V. and the valiant Duke of Parma for
their accommodation ; but as there was no possibility
of furnishing them cap-a-pie at Antwerp, he persuaded
him to conform to the modern use of the sword, and
meet the painter on his own terms ; and suspecting
that his fear would supply him with other excuses for
declining the combat, he comforted him with some
distant insinuations to the prejudice of his adversary's
courage, which would, in all probability, evaporate
before any mischief could happen.
Notwithstanding this encouragement, he could not
suppress the reluctance with which he went to the
field, and cast many a wishful look over his left
shoulder, to see whether or not his adversary was at
460 THE ADVENTURES OF
his heels. When, by the advice of his second, he took
possession of the ground, and turned about with his
face to the enemy, it was not so dark but that
Peregrine couki perceive the unusual paleness of his
countenance and the sweat standing in large drops
upon his forehead ; nay, there was a manifest disorder
in his speech when he regretted his want of the Pila
and Parma, with which he would have made a rattling
noise to astonish his foe, in springing forward, and
singing the hymn to battle, in the manner of the
ancients.
In the meantime, observing the hesitation of his
antagonist, who, far from advancing, seemed to recoil,
and even struggle with his second, he guessed the
situation of the painter's thoughts ; and collecting all
the manhood that he possessed, seized the opportunity
of profiting by his enemy's consternation. Striking
his sword and pistol together, he advanced in a sort of
trot, raising a loud howl, in which he repeated, in lieu
of the Spartan song, part of the strophe from one of
Pindar's Pythia, beginning with eh tlieon gar mahanai
pasai Broteais aretais^ &c. This imitation of the Greeks
had all the desired effect upon the painter, who, seeing
the physician running towards him like a fury, with a
pistol in his right hand, which was extended, and
hearing the dreadful yell he uttered and the outlandish
words he pronounced, was seized with a universal
palsy of his limbs. He w^ould have dropped down
upon the ground, had not Pipes supported and en-
couraged him to stand upon his defence. The doctor,
contrary to his expectation, finding that he had not
flinched from the spot, though he had now performed
one-half of his career, put in practice his last effort, by
firing his pistol, the noise of which no sooner reached
the ears of the affrighted painter than he recommended
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 461
Ills soul to God, and roared for mercy witli great
vociferation.
The republican, overjoyed at this exclamation, com-
manded him to yield, and sm'render liis arms, on pain
of immediate death ; upon which he threw away his
pistols and sword, in spite of all the admonitions and
even threats of his second, who left him to his fate, and
went up to his master, stopping his nose with signs ofT"
loathing an^ abhorrence. —I
The victor, having won the Spolia Opima, granted
him his life, on condition that he would on his knees
supplicate his pardon, acknowledge himself inferior to .
his conqueror in every virtue and qualification, and
promise for the future to merit his favour by submis-
sion and respect. These insolent terms were readily
embraced by the unfortunate challenger, who fairly
owned that he was not at all calculated for the pur-
poses of war, and that henceforth he would contend
with no weapon but his pencil. He begg ed, wi th great
humility, that Mr. Piclde would not think, the worse of
his morals for this defect^^of_courage, which was a
natural infiimity inlierited from his father, and sus-
pend his opinion of his talents until he should have
an opportunity of contemplating the charms of his
Cleopatra, which w^ould be finished in less than three
months.
Our hero observed, with an affected air of displea-
sure, that no man could be justly condemned for being
subject to the impressions of fear; and therefore his
cowardice might easily be forgiven ; but there was
something so presumptuous, dishonest, and disin-
genuous, in arrogating a quality to which he knew he
had not the smallest pretension, that he could not
forget his misbehaviour all at once, though he would
condescend to communicate with him as formerly, in
4G2 THE ADVENTURES OF
hopes of seeing a reformation in liis con duct. Pallet
protested that there was no dissimulation in the
case ;]_for he was ignorant of his own weakness until
his resolution was put to the trialjj he faithfully pro-
mised to demean himself, during the remaining part
of the tour, with that conscious modesty and peni-
tence which became a person in his condition ; and,
for the present, implored the assistance of Mr. Pipes
in disembarrassing him from the disagreeable conse-
quence of his fear.
CHAPTER LXIV.
The doctor exults in Ms victory. They set out for
Rotterdam^ lohere they are entertained hy two Dutch
gentlemen in a yacht^ which is overturned in the
Maeze to the manifest hazard of the painter s life.
They spend the evening loith their entertainers., and
next day visit a cabinet of curiosities,
Tom was accordingly ordered to minister to his occa-
sions; and the conqueror, elated with his success,
which he in a great measure attributed to his manner
of attack and the hymn which he howled, told Pere-
grine, that he was now convinced of the truth of what
Pindar sang in these Words, ossa de me pephilehe Zeus^
atuzontai Boan Pieridon aionta ; for he had no sooner
begun to repeat the mellifluent strains of that divine
poet than the wretch his antagonist was confounded
and his nerves unstrung.
On their return to the inn, he expatiated on the
prudence and tranquillity of his own behaviour, and
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 463
ascribed tlie consternation of Pallet to the remembrance
of some crime tliat lay heavy upon his conscience;
for, in his opinion, a man of virtue and common
sense could not possibly be afraid of death, which is
not only the peaceful harbour that receives him shat-
tered on the tempestuous sea of life, but also the eternal
seal of his fame and glory, which it is no longer in
his power to forfeit and forego. He lamented his fateH
in being doomed to live in such degenerate days, when
war is become a mercenary trade ; and ardently wished
that the day would come, when he should have such
an opportunity of signalizing his courage, in the cause
of liberty, as that of Marathon, where a handful of
Athenians, fighting for their freedom, defeated the i
whole strength of the Persian empire. ' Would to 1
heaven,' said he, ' my muse were blessed with an
occasion to emulate that glorious testimony on the
trophy in Cyprus, erected by Cimon, for two great
victories gained on the same day over the Persians
by sea and land ; in which it is very remarkable,
that the greatness of the occasion has raised the
manner of expression above the usual simplicity and
modesty of all other ancient inscriptions.' He then
repeated it with all the pomp of declamation, and
signified his hope, that the French would one day
invade us with such an army as that which Xerxes
led into Greece, that it might be in his power to
devote himself, like Leonidas, to the freedom of his
country.
This memorable combat being thus determined, and
everything that was remarkable in Antwerp surveyed,
they sent their baggage down the Scheld to Eotterdam,
and set out for the same place in a post-waggon, which
that same evening brought them in safety to the banks
of the Maeze. They put up at an English house of
464 THE ADVENTURES OF
entertainment, remarkable for the modesty and mode-
ration of the landlord; and next morning the doctor
went in person to deliver letters of recommendation to
two Dutch gentlemen from one of his acquaintance at
Paris. Neither of them happened to be at home when
he called, so that he left a message at their lodgings
with his address; and in the afternoon they waited
upon the company, and after many hospitable profes-
sions, one of the two invited them to spend the evening
at his house.
Meanwhile, they had provided a pleasure yacht, in
which they proposed to treat them with an excursion
upon the Maeze. This being almost the only diversion
that place affords, our young gentleman relished the
proposal ; and notwithstanding the remonstrances of
Mr. Jolter, who declined the voyage on account of the
roughness of the weather, they went on board without
hesitation, and found a collation prepared in the cabin.
While they tacked to and fro in the river under the
impulse of a mackarel breeze, the physician expressed
his satisfaction, and Pallet was ravished with the enter-
tainment. But the wind increasing, to the unspeak-
able joy of the Dutchmen, who had now an opportunity
of showing their dexterity in the management of the
vessel, the guests found it inconvenient to stand upon
deck, and impossible to sit below on account of the
clouds of tobacco-smoke, which rolled from the pipes
of their entertainers in such volumes as annoyed them
even to the hazard of suffocation. This fumigation,
together with the extraordinary motion of the ship,
began to affect the head and stomach of the painter,
who begged earnestly to be set on shore ; but the
Dutch gentlemen, who had no idea of his sufferings,
insisted, with surprising obstinacy of regard, upon his
staying until he should see an instance of the skill of
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 465
their mariners ; and bringing him on deck, commanded
the men to carry the vessel's lee gmiwale mider water.
This nicety of navigation they instantly performed, to
the admiration of Pickle, the discomposure of the
doctor, and terror of Pallet, who blessed himself from
the courtesy of a Dutchman, and prayed to heaven for
his deliverance.
While the Hollanders enjoyed the reputation of this
feat and the distress of the painter at the same time,
the yacht was overtaken by a sudden squall, that over-
set her in a moment, and flung every man overboard
into the Maeze before they could have the least warn-
ing of their fate, much less time to provide against the
accident. Peregrine, who was an expert swimmer,
reached the shore in safety ; the physician, in the
agonies of despair, laid fast hold on the trunk-breeches
of one of the men, who dragged him to the other side ;
the entertainers landed at the bomb-keys, smoking their
pipes all the way with great deliberation ; and the poor
painter must have gone to the bottom had not he been
encountered by the cable of a ship that lay at anchor
near the scene of their disaster. Though his senses had
forsaken him, his hands listened by instinct on this
2-)rovidential occurrence, which he held with such a
convulsive grasp that, when a boat was sent out to
bring him on shore, it was with the utmost difficulty
that his fingers were disengaged. He was carried int()"T
a house deprived of the use of speech and bereft of all
sensation, and being suspended by the heels, a vast \ %>-
quantity of water ran out of his mouth. This evacua- "^
tion being made, he began to utter dreadful groans,
which gradually increased to a continued roar; and
after he had regained the use of his senses, he under-
went a delirium that 'lasted several hours. As for the
treaters, they never dreamed of expressing the least
VOL. III. 30
466 THE ADVENTURES OF
concern to Pickle or tlie physician for what had hap-
pened, because it was an accident so common as to
pass without notice.
Leaving the care of the vessel to the seamen, the
company retired to their respective lodgings in order to
shift their clothes; and in the evening our travellers
were conducted to the house of their new friend, who,
with a view of making his invitation the more agree-
able, had assembled, to the number of twenty or thirty,
Englishmen of all ranks and degrees, from the mer-
chant to the periwig-maker's apprentice.
In the midst of this congregation stood a chafing-
dish with live coals, for the convenience of lighting
their pipes, and every individual was accommodated
with a spitting-box. There was not a mouth in the
rlipartment unfurnished with a tube, so that they re-
sembled a convocation of chimeras breathing fire and
(_ smoke; and our gentlemen were fain to imitate their
example in their own defence. It is not to be supposed
that the conversation was either very sprightly or
polite; the whole entertainment was of the Dutch
craft, frouzy and phlegmatic, and our adventurer, as he
retm'ned to his lodging, toi'tured with the headache
and disgusted with every circumstance of his treatment,
cursed the hour in which the doctor had saddled them
with such troublesome companions.
Next morning, by eight o'clock, these polite Hol-
landers returned the visit, and after breakfast attended
their English friends to the house of a person that pos-
sessed a very curious cabinet of curiosities, to which
they had secured our company's admission. The
owner of this collection was a cheesemonger, who
received them in a woollen nightcap with straps
buttoned under his chin. As he understood no lan-
guage but his own, he told them, by the canal of one
PEEEGRINE PICKLE. ' 467 .
of their conductors, tliat he did not make a practice of
showing his curiosities, but understanding that they
were Englishmen, and recommended to his friends, he
was content to submit them to their perusal. So say-
ing, he led them up a dark staircase into a small room,
decorated with a few paltry figures in plaster of Paris,
two or three miserable landscapes, the skins of an
otter, seal, and some fishes stuffed ; and in one corner
stood a glass case furnished with newts, frogs, lizards,
and serpents preserved in spirits; a human foetus, a \
calf with two heads, and about two dozen of butterflies
pinned upon paper.
The virtuoso having exhibited these particulars,
eyed the strangers with a look soliciting admiration
and applause; and as he could not perceive any
symptom of either in their gestures or countenances,
withdrew a curtain, and displayed a wainscot chest
of drawers, in which he gave them to understand was
something that •w :ould _ag:reeably amuse the imagina-
tion. Our travellers, regaled with this notice, imagined
that they would be entertained with the sight of some
curious medals, or other productions of antiquity ; but
how were they disappointed when they saw nothing
but a variety of shells, disposed in whimsical figures,
in each drawer ! After he had detained them full
two hours with a tedious commentary upon the shape,
size, and colour of eacli department, he, with a
supercilious simper, desired that the English gentle-
men would frankly and candidly declare, whether
his cabinet, or that of Mynheer Sloane, at London,
was the most valuable. When this request was
signified in English to the company, the painter in-
stantly exclaimed, ' By the Lard ! they are not to be
' named of a day. And, as for that matter, I would
' not give one corner of Saltero's coffee-house, at
30—2
468 THE ADVENTURES OF
* Chelsea, for all the trash he hath shown.' Pere-
grine, unwillmg to mortify any person who had clone
his endeavour to please him, observed, that what he
had seen was very curious and entertaining; but that
no private collection in Europe was equal to that of
Sir Hans Sloane, which, exclusive of presents, had
cost a hundred thousand pounds. The two con-
ductors were confounded at this asseveration, wliich
being communicated to the cheesemonger, he shook his
head with a significant grin ; and though he did not
choose to express his incredulity in words, gave our
hero to understand that he did not much depend
upon his veracity.
From the house of this Dutch naturalist they were
dragged all round the city by the painful civility of
their attendants, who did not quit them till the even-
ing was well advanced, and then not till after they
had promised to be with them before ten o'clock
next day, in order to conduct them to a country-house,
situate in a pleasant village on the other side of the
river.
Pickle was already so much fatigued with their
hospitality, that, for the first time of his life, he-
^^sufiered a dejection of spirits ; and resolved, at any
rate, to aVoid the threatened persecution of to-morrow.
With this view he ordered his servants to pack up
some clothes and linen in a portmanteau ; and in the
morning embarked, wdtli his governor, in the Ti^ech-
shuyt^ for the Hague, whither he pretended to be
called by some urgent occasion, leaving his fellow-
travellers to make apology to their friends; and
assuring them that he would not proceed for
Amsterdam without their society. He arrived at
the Hague in the forenoon, and dined at an ordinary
frequented by officers and people of fashion; where
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 469
being informed that the princess would see company
in the evening, he dressed himself in a rich suit of the
Parisian cut, and went to court, without any introduc-
tion. A person of his appearance could not fail to
attract the notice of such a small circle. The prince
himself, understanding he was an Englishman and a
stranger, went up to him without ceremony ; and
having welcomed him to the place, conversed with
him for some minutes on the common topics of
discourse.
CHAPTER LXV.
They proceed to the Hague ; tohence they depart for
Amsterdam^ where they see a Dutch tragedy. Visit
the music-house.^ in which Peregrine quarrels loith the
captain of a man-of-war. They pass through Haerlem
in their way to Leyden. Return to Rotterdam^ where
the company separates ; and our hero., ivith his
attendants., arrives in safety at Harwich.
Being joined by their fellow-travellers in the morning,
they made a tour to all the remarkable places in this
celebrated village; saw the foundry, the Stadthouse,
the Spinhuys, Vauxhall, and Count Bentinck's gardens,
and in the evening went to a French comedy, which
was directed by a noted harlequin, who had found
means to flatter the Dutch taste so effectually, that
they extolled him as the greatest actor that ever
appeared in the province of Holland. This famous
company did not represent regular theatrical pieces,
but only a sort of impromptus, in which this noted
470 THE ADVENTURES OP
player always performed the greatest part of tlie enter-/
tainment. Amoiiff other sall ies of wit tliat esc aped — "^,
him, ther e was one circumstance so remarkably adapted
t o the di s position (and g eniasl} of his aud ience th at it
were a p ity tg pass it over in silence. A windmill
being exhibited on the scene, harlequin, after having
surveyed it with curiosity and admiration, asks of one of
the millers the use of that machine ; and being told
that it was a windmill, observes with some concern
that, as there was not the least breath of wind, he
could not have the pleasure of seeing it turn round.
Urged by this consideration, he puts himself into the
attitude of a person wrapt in profound meditation ; and
having continued a few seconds in this postu ^, runs to
the miller with great eagerness and joy, and telling
him that he had found an expedient to make his mill
work, very fairly unbuttoned his breeches ; then, pre-
senting his posteriors to the sails of the machine,
'certain explosions are immediately heard, and the
fi^ arms of the mill begin to turn round, to the infinite
^^'^ ^ satisfaction of the spectators, who approve the joke
^% w ^^^^^ ^^^^^^ peals of applause.
Our travellers stayed a few days at the Hague,
during which the young gentleman waited on the
British ambassador, to whom he was recommended
by his excellency at Paris, and lost about thirty guineas
at billiards to a French adventurer, who decoyed
him into the snare by keeping up his game. Then
they departed in a post-waggon for Amsterdam, being
provided with letters of introduction to an English
merchant residing in that city, under whose auspices
they visited everything worth seeing, and among other
excursions went to see a Dutch tragedy acted ; an
entertainment which, of all others, had the strangest
effect upon the organs of our hero ; the dress of their
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 471
chief personages was so antic, their manner so awk-
wardly absurd, and their language so ridiculously
unfit for conveying the sentiments of love and honour,
that Peregrine's nerves were diuretically affected with
the complicated absurdity, and he was compelled to
withdraw twenty times before the catastrophe of the
piece.
The subject of this performance was the famous
story of Scipio's continence and virtue, in restoring
the fair captive to her lover. The young Eoman hero
was represented by a broad-faced Batavian, in a burgo-
master's gown and a fur cap, sitting smoking his pipe
at a table furnished with a can of beer, a drinking-
glass, and a plate of tobacco. The lady was such a
person as Scipio might very well be supposed to give
away without any great effort of generosity ; and,
indeed, the Celtiberian prince seemed to be of that
opinion, for, upon receiving her from the hand of the
victor, he discovered none of those transports of grati-
tude and joy which Livy describes in recounting this
event. The Dutch Scipio, however, was complaisant
enough in his way; for he desired her to sit at his
right hand, by the appellation of ya frovj^ and with his
own fingers filling a clean pipe, presented it to Mynheer
Allucio, the lover. The rest of the economy of the
piece was in the same taste ; which was so agreeable
to the audience, that they seemed to have shaken off
their natural plilegm in order to applaud the per-
formance.
From the play our company adjourned to the house
of their friend, where they spent the evening ; and the
conversation turning upon poetry, a Dutchman who
was present, and understood the English language,
having listened very attentively to the discourse, lifted
up with both hands the greatest part of a Cheshire
472 THE ADVENTURES OF
cheese that lay upon the table, saying, ' I do know vat
' is boetre. Mine brotre be a great boet, and ave
' vroiight a book as dick as all dat.' Pickle, diverted
with this method of estimating an author according to
the quantity of his works, inquired about the subjects
of this bard's writings ; but of these his brother could
give no account or other information but that there was
little market for the commodity, which hung heavy
upon his hands, and induced him to wish he had ap-
plied himself to another trade.
The only remarkable scene in Amsterdam which
our company had not seen, was the Spuyl, or music-
houses, which, by the connivance of the magistrates,
are maintained for the recreation of those who might
attempt the chastity of creditable women, if they were
not provided with such conveniences. To one of these
night-houses did our travellers repair, under the con-
duct of the English merchant, and were introduced
into such another place as the ever-memorable coffee-
house of Moll King; with this difference, that the
company here were not so riotous as the Bucks of
Covent Garden, but formed themselves into a circle,
within which some of the number danced to the music
of a scurvy organ and a few other instruments, that
uttered tunes very suitable to the disposition of the
hearers, while the whole apartment was shrouded with
clouds of smoke impervious to the view. When our
young gentleman entered, the floor was occupied by
two females and their gallants, who, in the perfor-
mance of their exercise, lifted their legs like so many
oxen at plough ; and the pipe of one of those hoppers
happening to be exhausted, in the midst of his sara-
brand, he very deliberately drew forth his tobacco-
box, filling and lighthig it again, without any interrup-
tion to the dance. Peregrine being unchecked by the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 473
presence of his governor, who was too tender of his
own reputation to attend them in this expedition, made
up to a sprightly French girl that sat in seeming ex-
pectation of a customer, and prevailing upon her to be
his partner, led her into the circle, and in his turn took
the opportunity of dancing a minuet, to the admiration
of all present. He intended to have exhibited another
specimen of his ability in this art, when a captain of a
Dutch man-of-war chancing to come in, and seeing a
stranger engaged with the lady whom, it seems, he had
bespoke for a bedfellow, he advanced, without any
ceremony, and seizing her by the arm, pulled her to
the other side of the room. Our adventurer, who was
not a man to put up with such a brutal affront, followed
the ravisher with indignation in his eyes; and pushing
him on one side, retook the subject of their contest, and
led her back to the place whence she had been di-agged.
The Dutchman, enraged at the youth's presumption,
obeyed the first dictates of his choler, and lent his rival
a hearty box on the ear ; which was immediately re-
paid with interest, before our hero could recollect him-
self sufficiently to lay his hand upon his sword and
beckon the aggressor to the door.
Notwithstanding the confusion and disorder which
this affair produced in the room, and the endeavours
of Pickle's company, who interi:)Osed in order to pre-
vent bloodshed, the antagonists reached the street;
and Peregrine, drawing, was surprised to see the
captain advance against him with a long knife, which
he preferred to the sword that hung by his side. The
youth, confounded at this preposterous behaviour,
desired him, in the French tongue, to lay aside that
vulgar implement, and approach like a gentleman ;
but the Hollander, who neither understood the pro-
posal, nor would have complied with his demand had
474 THE ADVENTURES OF
he been made acquainted witli his meaning, rushed
forward like a desperado, before his adversary could
put himself on his guard ; and if the young gentleman
had not been endued with surprising agility, his nose
would have fallen a sacrifice to the fury of the assailant.
Finding himself in such imminent jeopardy, he leaped
to one side, and the Dutchman passing him in the
force of his career, he with one nimble kick made
such application to his enemy's heels, that he flew
like lightning into the canal, where he had almost
perished by pitching upon one of the posts Avith which
it was faced.
Peregrine, having performed this exploit, did not
stay for the captam's coming on shore, but retreated
with all despatch by the advice of his conductor ; and
next day embarked, with his companions, in the
Skuyt^ for Haerlem, where they dined, and in the
evening arrived at the ancient city of Leyden, where
they met with some English students, who treated
them with great hospitality. Not but that the harmony
of the conversation Avas that same night interrupted
by a dispute that arose, between one of those young
gentlemen and the physician, about the cold and hot
methods of prescription in the gout and rheumatism,
and proceeded to such a degree of mutual reviling,
that Pickle, ashamed and incensed at his fellow-
traveller's want of urbanity, espoused the other's
cause, and openly rebuked him for his unmannerly
petulance, which, he said, rendered him unfit for_ ihe
piu:pases,_jind unworthy of the benefit, of society.
This unexpected declaration overwhelmed the doctor
with amazement and confusion ; he was instantaneously
deprived of his speech, and dm-ing the remaining part
of the party sat in silent morlifijcation. In all pro-
bability he delibei'ated with himself, whether or not
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 475
lie should expostulate witli the young gentleman on
the freedom he had taken with his character in a
company of strangers; but as he knew he had not
a Pallet to deal with, he very prudently suppressed
that suggestion, and in secret chewed the cud of
resentment.
After they had visited the physic-garden, the uni-
versity, the anatomical hall, and every other thing that
was recommended to their view, they returned to
Rotterdam, and held a consultation upon the method
of transporting themselves to England. The doctor,
whose grudge against Peregrine was rather inflamed
than allayed by our hero's indifference and neglect,
had tampered with the si mplicity of the pain ter, who
was proud of his advances towards a perfect recon-
ciliation ; and now took the opportunity of parting,
with our adventurer, by declaring that he and his
friend Mr. Pallet had resolved to take their passage
//in a trading-sloop, after he had heard Peregi'ine object
; against that tedious, disagreeable, and uncertain method.
1 1 of conveyance. Pickle immediately saw his intention ;
> and without using the least argument to dissuade them
from their design, or expressing the smallest degree
of concern at then- separation, very coolly wished
them a prosperous voyage, and ordered his baggage
to be sent to Helvoetsluys. There he himself and
his retinue went on board the packet next day, and
by virtue of the favour of a fair wind, in eighteen
hours arrived at Harwich.
476 THE ADVENTURES OF
CHAPTER LXVI.
Peregrine delivers his letter's of recommendation at
London^ and returns to the garrison^ to the unspeakahle
joy of the commodore and his lohole family.
Now that our hero found himself on English ground,
his heart dilated with the proud recollection of his im-
provement since he left his native soil. He began to
recognise the interesting ideas of his tender years ; he
enjoyed, by anticipation, the pleasure of seeing his
friends in the garrison after an absence of eighteen
months ; and the image of his charming Em^, which
other less worthy considerations had depressed, resumed
the full possession of his breast. He remembered, with
shame, that he had neglected the correspondence with
her brother, which he himself had solicited, and in con-
sequence of which he had received a letter from that
young gentleman while he lived at Paris. In spite of
these conscientious reflections, he was too self-sufficient
to think he should find any difficulty in obtaining for-
giveness for such sins of omission ; and began to ima-
gine that his passion would be prejudicial to the dignity
of his situation if it could not be gratified upon terms
which formerly his imagination durst not conceive.
Sorry I am that the task I have undertaken lays me
under the necessity of divulging this degeneracy in the
sentiments of our imperious youth, who was now in
the heyday of his blood, flushed with the consciousness
of his own qualifications, vain of his fortune, and elated
on the wings of imaginary expectation. Though he
was deeply enamoured of ]\Iiss Gauntlet, he was far
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 477
from proposing her heart as the ultimate aim of his
gallantry, which, he did not doubt, would triumph over
the most illustrious females of the land, and at once re-
gale his appetite and ambition.
Meanwhile, being willing to make his appearance at
the gari'ison equally surprising and agreeable, he cau-
tioned Mr. Jolter against writing to the commodore,
who had not heard of them since their departure from
Paris, and hired a post-chaise and horses for London.
The governor, going out to give orders about the car-
riage, inadvertently left a paper-book open upon the
table ; and his pupil, casting his eyes upon the page,
chanced to read these words : ' Sept. 5 . Arrived in
' safety, by the blessing of God, in this unhappy king-
' dom of England. And thus concludes the journal of
' my last peregrination. ' Peregrine's curiosity being
inflamed by this extraordinary conclusion, he turned to
the beginning, and perused several sheets of a diary,
such as is commonly kept by that class of people known
by the denomination of travelling-governors, for the
satisfaction of themselves and the parents or guardians
of their pupils, and for the edification and entertain-
ment of their friends.
That the reader may have a clear idea of Mr. Jolter's
performance, we shall transcribe the transactions of one
day as he had recorded them ; and that abstract will
be a sufficient specimen of the whole plan and execu-
tion of the work.
' May 3. At eight o'clock, set out from Boulogne in
' a post-chaise : the morning hazy and cold. Fortified
' my stomach with a cordial. Recommended ditto to
' Mr. P. as an antidote against the fog. ]\Iem. He re-
' fused it. The hither-horse greased in the off-pastern
' of the hind leg. Arrive at Samers. Mem. This last
' was a post and a half, i. e., three leagues, or nine
478 THE ADVENTURES OF
English miles. The clay clears up. A fine champaign
comitiy, well stored with corn. The postillion says
his prayers in passing by a wooden crucifix upon the
road. Mem. The horses staled in a small brook
that runs in a bottom between two hills. Arrive at
Cormont ; a common post. A dispute with my pupil,
who is obstinate, and swayed by an unlucky prejudice.
Proceed to Montreuil, where we dine on choice
pigeons. A very moderate charge. No chamber-pot
in the room, owing to the negligence of the maid:
this is an ordinary post. Set out again for Nampont.
Troubled with flatulencies and indigestion. Mr. P.'\
is sullen, and seems to mistake an eructation for the
breaking of wind backwards. From Nampont depart j
for Bernay, at which place we arrive in the evening,
and propose to stay all night. N.B. The two last
are double posts, and our cattle very willing, though
not strong. Sup on a delicate ragout and excellent
partridges, in company with Mr. H. and his spouse.
Mem. The said H. trod upon my corn by mistake.
Discharge the bill, which is not very reasonable.
Dispute with Mr. Pickle about giving money to the
servant : he insists upon my giving a twenty-four-sol
piece; which is too much by two-thirds in all con-
science. N.B. She was a pert baggage, and did not
deserve a Hard.'
Our hero was so much disobliged with certain cir-
cumstances of this amusing and instructing journal,
that, by way of punishing t he author, he interlined
these words betwixt two paragraphs in a manner that
exactly resembled the tutor's handwriting. ' Memj<ii(
' Had the pleasure of drinking myself into a sweet
^ intoxication by toasting our lawful king, and his royal
' family, among some worthy English fathers of the
' society of Jesus.'
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 479
Havinfr taken this revenp;e, lie set out for London,
where he waited upon those noblemen to whom he had
letters of recommendation from Paris, and was not only
graciously received, but even loaded with caresses and
proffers of service, because they understood he was a
young gentleman of fortune, who, far from standing in
need of their countenance and assistance, would make
a useful and creditable addition to the number of their
adherents. He had the honour of dining at these tables,
in consequence of pressing invitations, and of spending
several evenings with the ladies, to whom he was par-
ticularly agreeable, on account of his person, address,
and bleeding freely at play.
Being thus initiated in the heau monde^ he thought it
was high time to pay his respects to liis generous bene-
factor the commodore, and accordingly departed one
morning with his train for the garrison, at which he
arrived in safety the same night. When he entered
the gate, which was opened by a new servant that did
not know him, he found his old friend Hatchway stalk-
ing in the yard, with a nightcap on his head and a
pipe in his mouth, and advancing to him, took him by
the hand before he had any intimation of his approach.
The lieutenant, thus saluted by a stranger, stared at
him in silent astonishment, till he recollected his
features, which were no sooner known, than, dashing
his pipe upon the pavement, he exclaimed, ' Smite my
' cross-trees ! th'art welcome to port,' and hugged him
in his arms with great affection. He then, by a cordial
squeeze, expressed his satisfaction at seeing his old
shipmate Tom, who applying his whistle to his mouth,
the whole castle echoed with his performance.
The servants hearing the well-known sound, poured
out in a tumult of joy ; and understanding that their
young master was returned, raised such a peal of
480 THE ADVENTURES OF
acclamation as astonished the commodore and his
lady, and inspired Jnlia with such an interesting pre-
sage that lier heart began to throb with violence.
Rmming out in the hurry and perturbation of her
hope, she was so much overwhelmed at sight of her
brother, that she actually fainted in his arms. But
from this trance she soon awaked ; and Peregrine,
having testified his pleasure and affection, went up-
stairs, and presented himself before his godfather and
aunt. Mrs. Trunnion rose and received him with a
gracious embrace, blessing God for his happy return
f rom a land of iinpiety and_yice, in which she hoped
his morals had not been corrupted, nor his principles
of religion altered or impaired. The old gentleman
being confined to his chair, was struck dumb wiih
pleasure a t his appearance ; and having made divers
ineffectual efforts to get up, at length discharged a
volley of curses against his own limbs, and held out
his hand to his godson, who kissed it with great
respect.
After he had finished his apostrophe to the gout,
which was the daily and hourly subject of his execra-
tions, ' Well, my lad,' said he, ' I care not how soon I
go to the bottom, now I behold thee safe in harbour
again ; and yet, I tell a d — lie ; I would I could
keep afloat until I should see a lusty boy of thy
begetting. Odds my timbers ! I love thee so well,
that I believe thou art tlie spawn of my own body;
though I can give no account of thy being put upon
the stocks.' Then turning his eye upon Pipes, who
by this time had penetrated into his apartment, and
addressed him with the usual salutation of ' Wliat
'cheer?' 'Ahey!' cried he, 'are you there, you
' herring-faced son of a sea-calf? What a slippery
' trick you played your old commander ! But come,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 481
you dog, there's my fist; I forgive you for the love
you bear to my godson. Go man your tackle, and
hoist a cask of strong beer into the yard, knock out
the bung, and put a pump in it, for the use of all my
servants and neighbours; and, d'ye hear, let the
patereroes be fired, and the garrison illuminated, as
rejoicings for the safe arrival of your master. By the
Lord ! if I had the use of these d — shambling
shanks, I would dance a hornpipe with the best of
you.'
The next object of his attention was Mr. Jolter, who
was honoured with particular marks of distinction, and
the repeated promise of enjoying the living in his gift,
as an acknowledgment of the care and discretion with
which he had superintended the education and morals
of om' hero. The governor was so affected by the
generosity of his patron, that the tears ran down his
cheeks while he expressed his gratitude, and the in-
finite satisfaction he felt in contemplating the accom-
plishment of his pupil.
Meanwhile, Pipes did not neglect the orders he had
received ; the beer was produced, the gates were
thrown open for the admission of all comers, the
whole house was lighted up, and the patereroes dis-
charged in repeated volleys. Such phenomena could
not fail to attract the notice of the neighbourhood.
The club at Tunley's were astonished at the report
of the guns, which produced various conjectures
among the members of that sagacious society. The
landlord observed, that in all likelihood the commo-
dore was visited by hobgoblins, and ordered the guns
to be fired in token of distress, as he had acted twenty
years before when he was annoyed by the same
grievance. The exciseman, with a waggish sneer,
expressed his apprehension of Trunnion's death, in
VOL. III. 31
482 THE ADVENTURES OF
consequence of which the patereroes might be dis-
charged with an equivocal intent, either as signals of
his lady's sorrow or rejoicing. The attorney signified
a suspicion of Hatchway being married to Miss
Pickle, and that the firing and illuminations were in
honour of the nuptials ; upon which Gamaliel dis-
covered some faint signs of emotion, and taking his
pipe from his mouth, gave it as his opinion that his
sister was brought to bed.
- While they were thus bewildered in the maze of
their own imaginations, a company of countrymen,
who sat drinking in the kitchen, and whose legs were
more ready than then' invention, sallied out to know
the meaning of these exhibitions. Understanding that
there was a butt of strong beer abroach in the yard,
to which they were invited by the servants, saved
themselves the trouble and expense of returning to
spend the evening at the public-house, and listed them-
selves under the banner of Tom Pipes, who presided
as director of this festival.
The news of Peregrine's return being communi-
cated to the parish, the parson, and three or four
neighbouring gentlemen, who were well-wishers to
our hero, immediately repaired to the garrison, in
order to pay their compliments on this happy event,
and were detained to supper. An elegant entertain-
ment was prepared by the direction of Miss July,
who was an excellent housewife ; and the commodore
was so invigorated with joy that he seemed to have
renewed his age.
Among those who honoured the occasion with his
presence was Mr. Clover, the young gentleman that
made his addresses to Peregrine's sister. His heart
was so big with his passion, that, while the rest of
the company were engrossed by their cups, he seized
PEREGEINE PICKLE. 483
an opportunity of our liero being detaclied from tlie
conversation, and, in the impatience of Lis love, con-
jured him to consent to his happiness; protesting that
he would comply with any terms of settlement that
a man of his fortune could embrace in favour of a
young lady who was absolute mistress of his affection.
Our youth thanked him very politely for his favour-
able sentiments and honourable intention towards his
sister, and told him, that at present he saw no reason
to obstruct his desire; that he would consult Julia's
own inclinations, and confer with him about the means
of gratifying his wish : but in the meantime begged
to be excused from discussing any point of such im-
portance to them both. Reminding him of the jovial
purpose on which they were happily met, he promoted
such a quick circulation of the bottle, that their
mirth grew noisy and obstreperous ; they broke forth
into repeated peals of laughter without any previous
incitement except that of claret. These explosions
were succeeded by Bacchanalian songs, in which the
old gentleman himself attempted to bear a share ;
the sedate governor snapped time with his fingers ;
and the parish priest assisted in the chorus with a
most expressive nakedness of countenance. Before
midnight, they were almost all_pinned jojtheir cha irs,
as if they had been fixed by the power of enchant-"!
ment ; and what rendered the confinement still more \
unfortunate, every servant in the house was in the
same situation; so that they were fain to take their
repose as they sat, and nodded at each other like a
congregation of Anabaptists.
Next day. Peregrine communed with his sister on
the subject of her match with Mr. Clover, who, she
told him, had offered to settle a jointure of four
hundred pounds, and take her to wife, without any
31—2
484 THE ADVENTURES OF
expectation of a dowry. She, moreover, gave him
to miderstand, that in his absence she had received
several messages from her mother, commanding her
to return to her father's house ; but that she had re-
fused to obey these orders by the advice and injunction
of her aunt and the commodore, which were indeed
seconded by her own inclination ; because she had all
the reason in the world to believe that her mother
only wanted an opportunity of treating her with seve-
rity and rancom'. The resentment of that lady had
been carried to such indecent lengths, that, seeing her
daughter at church one day, she rose up before the
parson entered, and reviled her with great bitterness
in the face of the whole congregation.
CHAPTER LXVII.
Sees his sister happily married. Visits Emilia, who
receives him according to his deserts.
Her brother, being of opinion that Mr. Clover's pro-
posal was not to be neglected, especially as Julia's
heart was engaged in his favour, communicated the
affair to his uncle, who, with the approbation of Mrs.
Trunnion, declared himself well satisfied with the
young man's addresses, and desired that they might
be buckled with all expedition, without the knowledge
or concurrence of her parents, to whom, on account of
their ■unnatural barbarity, she was not bound to pay
the least regard. Though our adventurer entertained
the same sentiments of the matter, and the lover dread-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 485
ing some obstruction, earnestly begged the immediate
condescension of his mistress, she could not be pre-
vailed upon to take such a material step without
having first solicited the permission of her father,
resolved, nevertheless, to comply with the dictates
of her own heart should his objections be frivolous
or unjust.
Urged by this determination, her admirer waited
upon Mr. Gamaliel at the public-house, and, with the
appearance of great deference and respect, made him
acquainted with his affection for his daughter, com-
municated the particulars of his fortune, with the terms
of settlement he was ready to make ; and, in conclusion,
told him that he would marry her without a portion.
This last offer seemed to have some weight with the
father, who received it with civility, and promised in
a day or two to favour him with a final answer to his
demand. He accordingly, that same evening, con-
sulted his wife, who, being exasperated at the pros-
pect of her daughter's independency, urged with the
most virulent expostulation against the match as an
impudent scheme of her own planning, with a view
of insulting her parents, towards whom she had
already been guilty of the most vicious disobedience.
In short, she used such remonstrances as not only
averted this weak husband's inclination from the pro-
posal which he had relished before, but even instigated
him to apply for a warrant to apprehend his daughter,
on the supposition that she was about to bestow herself
in marriage without his privity or consent.
The justice of peace to whom this application was
made, though he could not refuse the order, yet being
no stranger to the malevolence of the mother, which,
together Avith Gamaliel's simplicity, was notorious in
the county, sent an intimation of what had happened
486 THE ADVENTURES OF
to the garrison ; upon which a couple of sentinels were
placed on the gate, and at the pressing solicitation of
the lover as well as the desire of the commodore, her
brother, and aunt, Julia was wedded without further
delay ; the ceremony being performed by Mr. Jolter,
because the parish priest prudently declined any occa-
sion of giving offence ; and the curate was too much
in the interest of their enemies to be employed in that
office.
This domestic concern being settled to the satisfac-
tion of our hero, he escorted her next day to the house
of her husband, who immediately wrote a letter to her
father, declaring his reasons for having thus superseded
his authority; and Mrs. Pickle's mortification was un-
speakable.
That the new-married couple might be guarded
against all insult, our young gentleman and his friend
Hatchway, with their adherents, lodged in Mr. Clover's
house for some weeks ; during which they visited their
acquaintance in the neighbourhood according to cus-
tom. When the tranquillity of their family was per-
fectly established, and the contract of marriage exe-
cuted in the presence of the old commodore and his
lady, who gave her niece five hundred pounds to
purchase jewels and clothes, Mr. Peregrine could no
longer restrain his impatience to see his dear Emily ;
and told his uncle that next day he proposed to ride
across the country, in order to visit his friend Gauntlet,
whom he had not heard of a long time.
The old gentleman, looking steadfastly in his face,
' Ah ! d — your cunning ! ' said he, ' I find the anchor
' holds fast ! I did suppose as how you would have
' slipped your cable, and changed your berth ; but I
' see, when a young fellow is once brought up by a
' pretty wench, he may man his capstans and viol-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 487
' block, if lie wool ; but he'll as soon heave up the
' Pike of Teneriff as bring his anchor aweigh ! Odds
' heartlikins ! had I known the young woman was
' Ned Gauntlet's daughter, I shouldn't have thrown
' out signal for leaving off chase.'
Our adventurer was not a little surprised to hear
the commodore talk in this style ; and immediately
conjectured that his friend Godfrey had informed him
of the whole affair. Instead of listening to this appro-
bation of his flame with those transports of joy which
he would have felt had he retained his former senti-
ments, he was chagrined at Trunnion's declaration,
and offended at the presumption of the young soldier
in presuming to disclose the secret with which he had
intrusted him. Eeddening with these reflections, he
assured the commodore that he never had serious
thoughts of matrimony: so that, if any person had
told him he was under any engagement of that kind,
he had abused his ear ; for he protested that he would
never contract such attachments without his knowledge
and express permission.
Trunnion commended him for his prudent resolu-
tion, and observed that, though no person mentioned
to him what promises had passed betwixt him and his \
sweetheart, it was very pl ain tha t he had made love to /
het-^ and, therefore, it was to be supposed that his in-
tentions were honourable ;' for he could not believe he
was such a rogue in his.; heart as to endeavour to
4ghajicli_-the daughter of a brave officer who had
served his country with credit and reputation. Not-\ "^
withstanding this remonstrance, which Pickle imputed
to the commodore's ignorance of the world, he set out
for the habitation of Mrs. Gauntlet with the imjustifi- '' V\ ^
able sentiments of a man of pleasure, who sacrifices ^
every consideration to the desire of his ruling appetite ; j
488 THE ADVENTURES OF
and as Winchester lay in his way, resolved to visit
some of his friends who lived in that place. It was
in the liouse of one of these that he was informed of
Emilia's being then in town with her mother; upon
which he excused himself from staying to drink tea,
and immediately repaired to their lodgings, according
to the directions he had received.
When he arrived at the door, instead of undergoing
that perturbation of spirits whicli a lover in his in-
teresting situation might be supposed to feel, he suf-
fered no emotion but that of vanity and pride, favoured
with an opportunity of self-gratification, and entered
his Emilia's apartment w^th the air of a conceited
petit-maitre rather than that of the respectful admirer
when he visits the object of his passion after an absence
of sevQliteen months.
The young lady, having been very much disobliged
at his mortifying: neglect of her brother's letter, had
y; summoned all her pride and resolution to her aid ; and
by means of a happy disposition, so far overcame her
chagrin at his indifference that she was able to behave
in his presence with apparent tranquillity and ease.
She was even pleased to find he had by an accident
chosen a time for his visit when she was surrounded
by two or three young gentlemen who professed them-
selves her admirers. Om* gallant was no sooner an-
nounced than she collected all her coquetry, put on
the gayest air she could assume, and contrived to
giggle just as he appeared at the room-door. The
compliments of salutation being performed, she wel-
comed him to England in a careless manner, asked
the news of Paris, and before he could make any
reply, desired one of the other gentlemen to proceed
with the sequel of that comical adventure in the rela-
tion of which he had been interrupted.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 489
Peregrine smiled witliin himself at tliis beliavioiir,
whicli, without all doubt, he believed she had affected
to punish him for his unkind silence while he w^as
abroad, being fully persuaded that her heart was
absolutely at his devotion. On this supposition, he
practised his Parisian improvements on the art of con-
versation, and uttered a thousand prettinesses in the
way of compliment, and with such incredible rotation
of tongue, that his rivals w^ere struck dumb with
astonishment, and Emilia fretted out of all temper at
seeing herself deprived of the prerogative of the sex.
He persisted, however, in this surprising loquacity
until the rest of the company thought proper to with-
draw, and then contracted his discourse into the focus
of love, wdiich now put on a very different appear-
ance from that which it had formerly Avorn. Instead
of that awful veneration which her presence used to
inspire, that chastity of sentiment and delicacy of ex-
pression, he now gazed upon her wdth the eyes of a
libertine, he glowed with the impatience of desire,
talked in a strain that barely kept within the bounds ^ \ " -jP^
of decency, and attempted to snatch such favours as I "r ^j^
she, in the tenderness of mutual acknowledgment, had J ^^
once vouchsafed to bestow. /
Grieved and offended as she Avas at this palpable
alteration in his carriage, she disdained to remind
him of his former deportment, and, Avith dissembled
good humour, rallied him on the progress he had
made in gallantry and address; but far from sub-
mitting to the liberties he Avould have taken, she kept
her person sacred from his touch, and Avould not even
suffer liim to ravish a kiss of her fair hand, so that
he reaped no other advantage from the exercise of
his talents during this intervicAV, Avhich lasted a whole
hour, than that of knoAving he had overrated his
400 THE ADVENTURES OF
importance, and that Emily's heart was not a garrison
likely to surrender at discretion.
At length his addresses were interrupted by the
arrival of the mother, who had gone abroad to visit
by herself ; and the conversation becoming more
general, he understood that Godfrey was at London,
soliciting for a lieutenancy that had fallen vacant in
the regiment to which he belonged, and that Miss
Sophy was at home with her father.
f'^'^ Though our adventurer had not met with all the
success he expected by his first visit, he did not
despair of reducing the fortress, believing that in time
there would be a mutiny in his favour, and accord-
ingly carried on the siege for several days without
profiting by his perseverance; till at length, having
attended the ladies to their house in the country, he
began to look upon this adventure as time misspent,
and resolved to discontinue his attack in hopes of
meeting with a more favourable occasion, being, in
the meantime, ambitious of displaying in a higher
sphere those qualifications which his vanity told him
A were at present misapplied.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 491
CHAPTER LXVIII.
He attends his uncle^ with great affection^ during a fit of
illness. Sets out again for London ; meets with Ms
friend Godfrey^ who is 'prevailed upon to accompany
Mm to Bath ; on the road to lohich place tJiey chance to
dine toith a person.^ loho entertains them with a curious
account of a certain company of adventurers.
Thus determined, he took leave of Emilia and her
mother, on pretence of going to London upon some
urgent business, and returned to the garrison, leaving
the good old lady very much concerned, and the
daughter incensed, at his behaviour, which was the
more unexpected, because Godfrey had told them that
the commodore approved of his nephew's passion.
Our adventurer found his uncle so ill of the gout,
which, for the first time, had taken possession of his
stomach, that his life was in imminent danger, and the
whole family in disorder : he therefore took the reins
of government in his own hands, sent for all the phy-
sicians in the neighbourhood, and attended him in per-
son with the most affectionate care during the whole
fit, which lasted a fortnight, and then retired before the
strength of his constitution.
When the old gentleman recovered his health, he
was so penetrated with Peregrine's behaviour that he
actually would have made over to him his whole for-
tune, and depended upon him for his own subsistence,
had not our youth opposed the execution of the deed
with all his influence and might, and even persuaded
him to make a will, in which his friend Hatchway, and
492 THE ADVENTURES OF
all Ills other adherents, were liberally remembered, and
his aunt provided for on her own terms. This material
point being settled, he, with his micle's permission, de-
parted for London, after having seen the family affairs
established nnder the direction and administration of
Mr. Jolter and the lieutenant ; for by this time Mrs.
Trunnion was wholly occupied with her spiritual con-
cerns.
On his first arrival at London, he sent a card to the
lodgings of Gauntlet, in consequence of a direction from
his mother; and that young gentleman waited on him
next morning, though not with that alacrity of coun-
tenance and warmth of friendship which might have
been expected from the intimacy of their former con-
nexion. Nor was Peregrine himself actuated by the
same unreserved affection for the soldier which he had
formerly entertained. Godfrey, over and above the
offence he had taken at Pickle's omission in point of
corresponding with him, had been informed, by a letter
from his mother, of the youth's cavalier behaviour to
Emilia during his last residence at Winchester ; and
our young gentleman, as we have already observed,
was disgusted at the supposed discovery which the
soldier had made, in his absence, to the commodore.
They perceived their mutual umbrage at meeting, and
received each other with that civility of reserve which
commonly happens between two persons when their
friendship is in the wane.
Gauntlet at once divined the cause of the other's
displeasure ; and in order to vindicate his character,
after the first compliments were passed, took the oppor-
tunity of inquiring after the health of the commodore
to tell Peregrine, that, while he tarried at the garrison,
in his return from Dover, the subject of the conversa-
tion, one night, happening to turn on our hero's passion.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 493
the old gentleman had expressed his concern about that
affair; and, among other observations, said, he sup-
posed the object of his love was some paltry hussy,
whom he had picked up when he was a boy at school.
Upon which, Mr. Hatchway assured him that she was
a young woman of as good a family as any in the
county ; and after having prepossessed him in her
favour, ventured, out of the zeal of his friendship, to
tell who she was : wherefore the discovery was not to
be imputed to any other cause, and he hoped Mr.
Pickle would acquit him of all share in the transaction.
Peregrine was very well pleased to be thus unde-"l
ceived ; his countenance immediately cleared up, the
formality of his behaviour relaxed into his usual fami-
liarity ; he asked pardon for his unmannerly neglect of
Godfrey's letter, which, he protested, was not owing to
any disregard or abatement of friendship, but to a
hurry of youthful engagements, in consequence of
which he had procrastinated his answer from time to l
time until he was ready to return in person.
The young soldier was contented with this apology ;
and as Pickle's intention with respect to his sister was
still dubious and undeclared, he did not think it was
incumbent upon him, as yet, to express any resentment
on that score ; but was wise enough to foresee that the
renewal of his intimacy with our young gentleman
might be the means of reviving that flame which had
been dissipated by a variety of new ideas. With those
sentiments he laid aside all reserve, and their communi-
cation immediately resumed its former channel. Pere-
grine made him acquainted with all the adventures in
which he had been engaged since their parting ; and
he, with the same confidence, related the remarkable
incidents of his own fate ; among other things, giving
him to understand, that, upon obtaining a commission
494 THE ADVENTURES OF
in the army, tlie father of his dear Sophy, without once
inquiring about the occasion of his promotion, had not
only favoured him with his countenance in a much
greater degree than heretofore, but also contributed his
iiit^:est, and even promised the assistance of his purse,
in procuring for him a lieutenancy, which he was then
soliciting with all his power ; whereas, if he had not
been enabled, by a most accidental piece of good for-
tune, to lift himself into the sphe iie of an officer, he
had all the reason in the world to believe that this
gentleman, and all the rest of his wealthy relations,
would have suffered him to languish in obscurity and
distress ; and, by turning his misfortune into reproach,
made it a plea for their own want of generosity and
friendship.
Peregrine, understanding the situation of his friend's
affairs, would have accommodated him upon the instant
with a sum to accelerate the passage of his commission
through the offices ; but being too well acquainted with
his scrupulous disposition to manifest his benevolence
in that manner, he found means to introduce himself to
one of the gentlemen of the war-office, who was so
well satisfied with the arguments he used in behalf of
his friend, that Godfrey's business was transacted in a
very few days, though he himself knew nothing of his
interest being thus reinforced.
By this time the season at Bath was begun ; and our
hero, panting with the desire of distinguishing himself
at that resort of the fiishionable world, communicated
his design of going thither to his friend Godfrey, whom
he importuned to accompany him in the excursion ;
and leave of absence from his regiment being obtained
by the influence of Peregrine's new quality friends, the
two companions departed from London in a post-chaise,
attended, as usual, by the valet-de-chambre and Pipes,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 495
who were become almost as necessary to our adventurer
as any two of his own organs.
At the inn, when they alighted for dinner, Godfrey
perceived a person walking by himself in the yard,
with a very pensive air, and upon observing him more
narrowly, recognised him to be a professed gamester,
whom he had formerly known at Tunbridge. On the
strength of this acquainftance, he accosted the peri-
patetic, who knew him immediately ; and in the fulness
of his grief and vexation, told him that he was now
on his return from Bath, where he had been stripped
by a company of sharpers, who resented that he should
presume to trade upon his own bottom.
Peregrine, who was extremely curious in his in-
quu'ies, imagining that he might learn some entertain-
ing and useful anecdotes from this artist, invited him
to dinner, and was accordingly fully informed of all
the political systems at Bath. He understood that
there was at London one great company of adventurers
who employed agents in all the diiferent branches of
imposition throughout the whole kingdom of England,
allowing these ministers a certain proportion of the
profits accruing from their industry and skill, and
reserving the greatest share for the benefit of the
common stock, which was chargeable with the expense
of fitting out individuals in their various pursuits, as
well as with the loss sustained in the course of their
adventures. Some, whose persons and qualifications
are by the company judged adequate to the task, exert
their talents in making love to ladies of fortune, being
accommodated with money and accoutrements for that
purpose, after having given their bonds payable to one
or other of the directors on the day of marriage, for
certain sums, proportioned to the dowries they are to
receive. Others, versed in the doctrine of chances and
496 THE ADVENTURES OF
certain secret expedients, frequent all those places
where games of hazard are allowed ; and such as are
masters in the arts of billiards, tennis, and bowls, are
continually "lying in wait, in all the scenes of these
diversions, for the ignorant and unwary. A fourth
class attend horse-races, being skilled in those mys-
terious practices by which the knowing ones are taken
in. Nor is this community unfurnished with those
who lay wanton wives and old rich widows under con-
tribution, and extort money, by prostituting themselves
to the embraces of their own sex, and then threatening
their admirers with prosecution. But their most impor-
tant returns are made by that body of their undertakers
who exercise their understandings in the innumerable
stratagems of the card-table, at wliich no sharper can
be too infamous to be received, and even caressed by
persons of the highest rank and distinction. Among
other articles of intelligence our young gentleman
learned, that those agents, by whom their guest was
broken and expelled from Bath, had constituted a
bank against all sporters, and monopolized the advan-
tage in all sorts of play. He then told Gauntlet that
if he would put himself under his direction, he would
return with them, and lay such a scheme as would
infallibly ruin the whole society at billiards, as he knew
that Godfrey excelled them all in his knowledge of
that game.
The soldier excused himself from engaging in any
party of that kind; and after dinner the travellers
parted ; but, as the conversation between the two
friends turned upon the information they had received,
Peregrine projected a plan for punishing those vil-
lanous pests of society who prey upon their fellow-
creatures ; and it was put in execution by Gauntlet in
this manner.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 497
CHAPTER LXIX.
Godfrey executes a scheme at Batli^ by loliich a whole
company of sharpers is ruined.
On the evening after their arrival at Bath, Godfrey,
who had kept himself up all day for that purpose, went
in boots to the billiard-table : and two gentlemen being
at play, began to bet with so little appearance of judg-
ment, that one of the adventurers then present was
inflamed witli the desire of profiting by his inexpe-
rience; and when the table was vacant, invited him
to take a game for amusement. The soldier, assuming
the air of a self-conceited dupe, answered that he did
not choose to throw away his time for nothing, but if
he pleased, would piddle for a crown a game. This
declaration was very agreeable to the otlier, who
wanted to be further confirmed in the opinion he
had conceived of the stranger before he would play
for anything of consequence. The party being ac-
cepted. Gauntlet put off his coat, and beginning with
seeming eagerness, won the first game, because his
antagonist kept up his play with a view of encouraging
him to wager a greater sum. The soldier purposely
bit at the hook, the stakes were doubled, and he was
again victorious by the permission of his competitor.
He now began to yawn ; and observing tliat it was not
worth his while to proceed in such a childish manner,
the other swore, in an affected passion, that he would
play witli him for twenty guineas. The proposal being-
embraced (through tlie connivance of Godfrey), the
money was won by the sharper, who exerted his
VOL. III. 32
498 THE ADVENTURES OF
dexterity to the uttermost, fearing tliat otherwise his
adversary would decline continuing the game.
Godfrey, thus conquered, pretended to lose his
temper, cursed his ill luck, swore that the table had
a cast, and that the balls did not run true, changed
his mast, and with great warmth challenged his
enemy to double the sum. The gamester, w^ith feigned
reluctance, complied with his desire, and having got
the first two hazards, offered to lay one hundi'ed
guineas to fifty on the game. The odds were taken ;
and Godfrey, having allowed himself to be overcome,
began to rage with great violence, broke the mast to
pieces, threw the balls out at the window, and, in the
fury of his indignation, defied his antagonist to meet
him to-morrow, when he should be refreshed from the
fatigue of travelling. This was a very welcome invita-
tion to the gamester, who imagining that the soldier
would turn out a most beneficial prize, assured him
that he would not fail to be there next forenoon, in
order to give him his revenge.
Gauntlet went home to his lodgings, fully certified
of his own superiority; and took his measures with
Peregrine touching the prosecution of their scheme;
while his opponent made a report of his success to
the brethren of the gang, who resolved to be present
at the decision of the match, with the view of taking-
advantage of the stranger's passionate disposition.
Aff'airs being thus concerted on both sides, the
players met according to appointment, and the room
was immediately filled with spectators, who either
came by accident, curiosity, or design. The match
was fixed for one hundred pounds a game, the prin-
cipals chose their instruments and laid aside their
coats ; and one of the knights of the order proffered
to lav another hundred on the head of his associate.
PEREGPilNE PICKLE. 499
Godfrey took him upon the mstant. A second worthy
of the same class, seemg him so eager, challenged him
to treble the sum ; and his proposal met with the same
reception, to the astonishment of the company, whose
expectation was raised to a very interesting pitch.
The game was begun, and the soldier having lost the
first hazard, the odds were offered by the confederacy
with great vociferation; but nobody would run such
a risk in favour of a person who was utterly unknown
The sharper having gained the second also, the noise
increased to a surprising clamour, not only of the gang,
but likewise of almost all the spectators, who desired to
lay two to one against the brother of Emilia.
Peregrine, who was present, perceiving the cupidity
of the association sufficiently inflamed, all on a sudden
opened his mouth, and answered their bets to the
amount of twelve hundred pounds, which were imme-
diately deposited on both sides, in money and notes ;
so that tliis was perhaps the most important game that
ever was played at billiards. Gauntlet, seeing the
agreement settled, struck his antagonist's ball into the
pocket in a twinkling, though it was in one of those
situations which are supposed to be against the striker.
The betters were a little discomposed at this event, for
which, however, they consoled themselves by imputing
the success to accident; but when at the very next
stroke he sprang it over the table, their countenances
underwent an instantaneous distraction of feature, and
they waited in the most dreadful suspense for the next
hazard, which, being likewise taken with infinite ease
by the soldier, the blood forsook their cheeks, and the
interjection Zounds ! pronounced with a look of con-
sternation, and in a tone of despair, proceeded from
every mouth at the same instant of time. They were
overwhelmed with horror and astonishment at seeing
32—2
500 THE ADVENTURES OF
three hazards taken in as many strokes, from a person
of their friend's dexterity, and shrewdly suspected
that the whole was a scheme preconcerted for their
destruction ; on this supposition, they changed their
note, and attempted to hedge for their own indemnifi-
cation, by proposing to lay the odds in favour of
Gauntlet ; but so much was the opinion of the com-
pany altered by that young gentleman's success, that
nobody would venture to espouse the cause of his com-
petitor, who, chancing to improve his game by the
addition of another lucky hit, diminished the concern,
and revived the hopes of his adherents. But this
gleam of fortune did not long continue. Godfrey
collected his whole art and capacity, and augmenting
his score to number ten, indulged himself with a view
of the whole fraternity. The visages of these pro-
fessors had adopted different shades of complexion at
every hazard he had taken ; from their natural colour
they had shifted into a sallow hue ; thence into pale ;
from pale to yellow, which degenerated into a maho-
gany tint ; and now that they saw seventeen hundred
pounds of their stock depending upon a single stroke,
they stood like so many swarthy Moors, jaundiced
Avith terror and vexation. The tire which naturally
glowed in the cheeks and nose of the player, seemed
utterly extinct, and \m, carbuncles exhibited a livid
appearance, as if a gangrene had already made some
progress in his face ; his hand began to shake, and his
whole frame Avas seized with such trepidation, that he
was fain to swallow a bumper of brandy in order to
re-establish the tranquillity of his nerves. This expe-
dient, however, did not produce the desired effect, for
he aimed the ball at the lead wdth such discomposure,
that it struck on the wrong side, and came off at an
angle which directed it full in the middle hole. This
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 501
fatal accident was attended with a universal groan,
as if the whole universe had gone to wreck ; and not-
withstanding that tranquillity for which adventurers
are so remarkable, this loss made such an impression
upon them all, that each in particular manifested his
chagrin by the most violent emotions. One turned up
his eyes to heaven, and bit his nether lip ; another
gnaAved his fingers, while he stalked across the room ;
a third blasphemed with horrid imprecations ; and he,
who played the party, sneaked off, grinding his teeth
together, with a look that baffled all description, and
as he crossed the threshold exclaiming, ' A d — bite,
'byG-!'
The victors, after having insulted them by asking if
they were disposed for another chance, carried off their
winning, with the appearance of great composure,
though in their heart they were transported with
unspeakable joy ; not so much on account of the
booty they had gained, as in consideration of having
so effectually destroyed such a nest of pernicious
miscreants.
Peregrine, believing that now he had found an op-
portunity of serving his friend without giving offence
to the delicacy of his honour, told him, upon their
arrival at their lodgings, that fortune had at length
enabled him to become in a manner independent, or
at least make himself easy in his circumstances, by
purchasing a company with the money he had won.
So saying, he put liis share of the success in Gauntlet's
hand as a sum that of right belonged to him, and
promised to write in his behalf to a nobleman, who
had interest enough to promote such a quick rise in
the service.
Godfrey thanked him for his obliging intention, but
absolutely refused, with great loftiness of demeanoui'.
502 THE ADVENTURES OF
to appropriate to liis own use any part of tlie money
which Pickle had gained, and seemed affronted at
the other's entertaining a sentiment so unworthy of
his character. He would not even accept, in the way
of loan, such an addition to his stock as would amount
to the price of a company of foot, but expressed great
confidence in the future exertion of that talent which
had been blessed with such a prosperous beginning.
Our hero, finding him thus obstinately deaf to the
)i voice of his own interest , resolved to govern himself
in his next endeavours of friendship, by his experience
of this ticklish punctili^ and, in the meantime, gave
a handsome benefaction to the hospital out of these
first-fruits of the success in play, and reserved two
hundred pounds for a set of diamond earrings and soli-^
taire, which he intended as a present to Miss Emily.
CHAPTER LXX.
The two friends eclijise all their competitors in gallantry^
and practise a pleasant project of revenge iqjon the
physicians of the place.
The fame of their exploit against the sharpers was
immediately diffused through all companies at Bath,
so that when our adventurers appeared in public they
were pointed out by a hundred extended figures, and
considered as consummate artists in all the different
species of finesse, which they would not fail to practise
with the first opportunity. Nor was this opinion of
their characters any obstacle to their reception into the
fashionable parties in the place ; but, on the contrary,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 503
such a recommendation as never fails to operate for
the advantage of the possessor.
This first adventure, therefore, served them as an
introduction to the company at Bath, who were not
a little surprised to find their expectations baffled by
the conduct of the two companions, because, far from
engaging deeply at play, they rather shunned all
occasions of gaming, and directed their attention to
gallantry, in which our hero shone mn jvalled . His
external qualifications, exclusive of any other merit,
were strong enough to captivate the common run of
the female sex ; and these, reinforced with a sprightli-
ness of conversation and a most insinuating address,
became irresistible, even by those who were fortified
with pride, caution, or indifference. But among all
the nymphs of this gay place, he did not meet with
one object that disputed the empire of his heart with
Emilia, and therefore he divided his attachment accord-
ing to the suggestions of vanity and whim; so that,
before he had resided a fortniglit at Bath, he had set
all the ladies by the ears, and furnished all the
hundred tongues of scandal with full employment.
The splendour of his appearance excited the inquiries
of envy, which, instead of discovering any circum-
stance to his prejudice, was cursed with the information
of his being a young gentleman of good family, and
heir to an immense fortune.
The countenance of some of his quality friends, who
arrived at Bath, confirmed this piece of intelligence;
upon which his acquaintance was courted and culti-
.vated with great assiduity ;^nd he met with sucE^
advances from some of the fair sex as rendered him
extremely fortunate in his amours7\ Nor was his friend/
Godfrey a stranger to favours of the same kind; his
accomplishments were exactly calculated for the meri-
^04 THE ADVENTURES OF
diaii of female taste; and witli certain individuals of
that sex, his muscular frame and the robust connexion
of his limbs were more attractive than the deli-
cate proportions of his companion. He accordingly
reigned paramount among those enamoratas who were
turned of thirty, without being under the necessity of
proceeding by tedious addresses ; and was thought to
have co-operated with the waters in removing the
sterility of certain ladies who had long undergone the
reproach and disgust of their husbands ; while Pere-
grine set up his throne among those who laboured
under the disease of celibacy, from the pert miss of
fifteen, who, with a fluttering heart, tosses her head,
bridles-up, and giggles involuntarily at sight of a
handsome young man, to the staid maiden of twenty-
eight, who, with a demure aspect, moralizes on the
vanity of beauty, the folly of youth, and simplicity of
woman, and expatiates on friendship, benevolence, and
good sense, in the style of a platonic philosopher.
In such a diversity of dispositions, his conquests
were attended with all the heart-burnings, animosities,
and turmoils of jealousy and spite. The younger class
took all opportunities of mordfying their seniors in
public, by treating them with that indignity which,
contrary to the general privilege of age, is, by the
consent and connivance of mankind, levelled against
those who have the misfortune to come under the
denomination of old maids; and these last retorted
their hostilities in the private machinations of slander,
supported by experience and subtilty of invention.
Not one day passed, in which some new story did
not circulate to the prejudice of one or other of those
rivals.
If our hero, in the long-room, chanced to quit one
of the moralists, with whom he had been engaged in
PEREGRTNE PICKLE. 509
conversation, he was immediately accosted by a nmi. ote
of the opposite faction, who, with ironical smiles,, up-
braided him. with cruelty to the poor lady he had left,
exhorted him to have compassion on her sufferings,
and turning their eyes towards the object of their
intercession, broke forth into a universal peal of
laughter. On the other hand, when Peregrine, in
consequence of having danced with one of the minors
over-night, visited her in the morning, the Platonists
immediately laid hold on the occasion, tasked tlieifj
imaginations, associated ideas, and with sage insinu-l
ations retailed a thousand circumstances of the inter-1
view which never had any foundation in truth. They
observed that, if girls determine to behave with such
indiscretion, they must lay their accounts with incur-
ring the censure of the world; that she in question
w^as old enough to act more cii'cumspectly ; and
wondered that her mother would permit any young
fellow to approach the chamber while her daughter
was naked in bed. As for the servants peeping through
the keyhole, to be sure it was an unlucky accident ;
but people ought to be upon their guard against such
curiosity, and give their domestics no cause to employ
their penetration. These, and other such reflections,
were occasionally whispered as secrets among those
who were known to be communicative; so that, in
a few hours, it became the general topic of discourse ;
and as it had been divulged imder injunctions of
secresy, it was almost impossible to trace the scandal
to its origin ; because every person concerned must
have promulgated her own breach of trust in discover-
ing her author of the report.
Peregrine, instead of allaying rather exasperated
this contention, by an artful distribution of his atten-
tion among the competitors; well knowing, that
504 THE ABVRNTURES OF
diauid his regard be converged into one point, he
<vould soon forfeit the pleasure he enjoyed in seeing
them at variance; for both parties would join against
the common enemy, and his favourite would be per-
secuted by the whole coalition. He perceived, that,
among the secret agents of scandal, not any were so
busy as the physicians, a class of animals who live
in this place like so many ravens hovering about a
carcass, and even ply for employment like scullers
at Hungerford Stairs. The greatest part of them have
correspondents in London, who make it their business
to inquire into the history, character, and distemper,
of every one that repairs to Bath for the benefit of the
waters ; and if they cannot procure interest to re-
commend their medical friends to these patients before
they set out, they at least furnish them with a previous
account of what they could collect, that their corre-
spondents may use this intelligence for their own
advantage. By these means, and the assistance of
flattery and assurance, they often insinuate themselves
into the acquaintance of strangers, and by consulting
their dispositions, become necessary and subservient
to their prevailing passions. By their connection with
apothecaries and nurses, they are informed of all the
private occurrences in each family ; and therefore
enabled to gratify the rancour of malice, amuse the
spleen of peevish indisposition, and entertain the
eagerness of impertinent curiosity.
In the course of these occupations, which fre-
quently affected the reputation of our two adventurers,
this whole body fell under the displeasure of our hero,
who, after divers consultations with his friend, con-
certed a stratagem, which was practised upon the
faculty in this manner. Among those who frequented
the pump-room was an old officer, whose temper,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 509
naturally impatient, was, by repeated attacks ot ote
gout, which had almost deprived him of the use oi
his limbs, sublimated into a remarkable degree of
virulence and perverseness : he imputed the inveteracy
of his distemper to the malpractice of a surgeon who
had administered to him while he laboured under
the consequences of an unfortunate amour ; and this
supposition had inspired him with an insurmountable
antipathy to all the professors of the medical art,
which was more and more confirmed by the informa-
tion of a friend at London, who had told him that
it was a common practice among the physicians at
Bath to dissuade their patients from drinking the
water, that the cure, and of consequence their attend-
ance, might be longer protracted.
Thus prepossessed he had come to Bath, and con-
formably to a few general instructions he had received,
used the waters without any further direction, taking
all occasions of manifesting his hatred and contempt
of the sons of .^sculapius, both by speech and gesticu-
lations, and even by pursuing a regimen quite contrary
to that which he knew they prescribed to others who
seemed to be exactly in his condition. But he did not
find his account in this method, how successful soever
it may have been in other cases. His complaints,
instead of vanishing, were every day more and more
enraged; and at length he was confined to his bed,
where he lay blaspheming from morn to night, and
from night to morn, though still more determined than
ever to adhere to his former maxims.
In the midst of his torture, which was become the
common joke of the town (being circulated through
the industry of the physicians, who triumphed in his
disaster), Peregrine, by means of Mr. Pipes, employed a
country-fellow, who had come to market, to run with
504 THE ADVENTURES OF
dio«t haste, early one morning, to the lodgings of all
tlie doctors in town, and desire them to attend the
colonel with all imaginable despatch. In consequence
of this summons, the whole faculty put themselves in
motion ; and three of the foremost arriviiiD- at the same
instant of time, far from complimenting one another
with the door, each separately essayed to enter, and
the whole triumvirate stuck in the passage. While
they remained thus wedged together, they descried
two of their brethren posting towards the same goal
with all the speed that they were enabled to exert,
upon which they came to a parley, and agreed to stand
by one another. This covenant being made, they
disentangled themselves, and inquiring about the pa-
tient, were told by the servant that he had just fallen
asleep.
Having received this intelligence, they took posses-
sion of his ante-chamber, and shut the door, while the
rest of the tribe posted themselves on the outside as
they arrived ; so that the whole passage w\as filled,
from the top of the staircase to the street-door; and
the people of the house, together with the colonel's
servant, struck dumb with astonishment. The three
leaders of this learned gang had no sooner made their
lodgment good, than they began to consult about the
patient's malady, which every one of them pretended
to have considered with great care and assiduity. The
first who gave his opinion said the distemper was an
obstinate arthritis ; the second afiirmed, that it was no
other than a confirmed pox; and the third swore it
was an inveterate scurvy. This diversity of opinions
was supported by a variety of quotations from medical
authors, ancient as well as modern ; but these were not
of sufiicient authority, oi- at least not explicit enougli,
to decide the dispute ; for there are many schisms in
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 509
medicine as well as in religion, and each sect can quote
the fathers in support of the tenets they profess. In
short, the contention rose to such a pitch of clamour as
not only alarmed the brethren on the stairs, but also
awaked the patient from the first nap he had enjoyed
in the space of ten whole days. Had it been simply
waking, he would have been obliged to them for the
noise that disturbed him ; for in that case he would
have been relieved from the tortures of hell-fire, to
which, in his dream, he fancied himself exposed ; but
this dreadful vision had been the result of that impres-
sion which was made upon his brain by the intolerable
anguish of his joints ; so that, when he awoke, the
pain, instead of being allayed, was rather aggravated
by a gi'eat acuteness of sensation ; and the confused
vociferation in the next room invading his ears at the
same time, he began to think his dream was realized ;
and in the pangs of despair, applied himself to a bell
that stood by his bedside, which he rang with great
violence and perseverance.
This alarm put an immediate stop to the disputation
of the three doctors, who, upon this notice of his being
awake, rushed into his chamber without ceremony ;
and two of them seizing his arms, the third made the
like application to one of his temples. Before the
patient could re-collect himself from the amazement
which had laid hold on him at this unexpected irrup-
tion, the room was filled by the rest of the faculty,
who followed the servant that entered in obedience to
liis master's call ; and the bed was, in a moment, sur-
rounded by thes^e gaunt ministers of death. The
colonel, seeing himself beset with sucli an assemblage
of solemn visages and figures, which he had always
considered with the utmost detestation and abhorrence,
was incensed to a most inexpressible degree of indig-
510 THE ADVENTURES OF
nation ; and so inspirited by his rage that, though his
tongue denied its office, his other limbs performed
their function ; he disengaged himself from the trium-
virate, who had taken possession of his body, sprang
out of bed with incredible agility, and seizing one of
his crutches, applied it so effectually to one of the
three, just as he stooped to examine the patient's
water, that his tie-periwig dropped into the pot while
he himself fell motionless on the floor.
This significant explanation disconcerted the whole
fraternity ; every man turned his face, as if it were by
instinct, towards the door; and the retreat of the com-
munity being obstructed by the efforts of individuals,
confusion and tumultuous uproar ensued ; for the
colonel, far from limiting his prowess to the first ex-
ploit, handled his weapon with astonishing vigour and
dexterity, without respect of persons ; so that few or
none of them had escaped without marks of his dis-
pleasure, when his spirits failed, and he dropped down
again, quite exhausted, on his bed. Favoured by this
respite, the discomfited faculty collected their hats and
wigs, which had fallen off in the affray, and perceiving
pthe assailant too much enfeebled to renew the attack,
set up their throats together, and loudly threatened
I to prosecute him severely for such an outrageous
i_assault.
By this time the landlord had ^interposed ; and in-
quiring mto the cause of the disturbance, was informed
of what had happened by the complainants, who, at
the same time, giving him to understand that they
had been severally summoned to attend the colonel
that morning, he assured them that they had been im-
posed upon by some wag ; for. his lodger had never
dreamt of consulting any one of their profession.
Thunderstruck at this declaration, the general cla-
x^
PEREGRINE PICKLE. C ^J^'
mour instantaneously ceased; and each in particular
at once compreliending the nature of the joke, they
sneaked silently off, with the loss they had sustained,
in unutterable shame and mortification ; while Pere-
grine and his friend, who took care to be passing that
way by accident, made a full stop at sight of such an
extraordinary efflux, and enjoyed the countenance and
condition of every one as he appeared ; nay even made
up to some of those who seemed most affected with
their situation, and mischievously tormented them with
questions touching this unusual congregation ; then, in
consequence of the information they received from the
landlord and the colonel's valet, subjected the sufferers
to the ridicule of all the company in town. As it
would have been impossible for the authors of this
farce to keep themselves concealed from the indefati-
gable inquiries of the physicians, they made no secret of
their having directed the whole ; though they took
care to own it in such an ambiguous manner as afforded
no handle of prosecution.
Peregrine humbles a noted Hector^ and meets with a
strange character at the house of a certain lady.
Among those who never failed to reside at Bath during
the season, was a certain person, who from the most
abject misery, had by his industry atid art at play
amassed about fifteen thousand pounds; and though
his character was notorious, insinuated himself so far
512 THE ADVENTURES OF
into the favour of what is called the best company, that
very few private parties of pleasure took place in which
he was not principally concerned. He was of a gigantic
stature, a most intrepid countenance ; and his disposi-
tion, naturally overbearing, had, in the course of his
adventures and success, acquired a most intolerable
degree of insolence and vanity. By the ferocity of his
features and audacity of his behaviour, he had obtained
a reputation for the most undaunted courage, which
had been confirmed by divers adventures, in which he
had humbled the most assuming heroes of his own
fraternity : so that he now reigned chief Hector of the
place with unquestioned authority.
With this son of fortune was Peregrine one evening
engaged at play, and so successful that he could not help
informing his friend of his good luck. Godfrey, hear-
ing the description of the loser, immediately recognised
the person whom he had known at Tunbridge; and
assuring Pickle that he was a sharper of the first water,
cautioned him against any further connexion w4th such
a dangerous companion, who, he affirmed, had suffered
him to win with a small sum that he might be en-
couraged to lose a much greater upon some other occa-
sion.
Our young gentleman treasured up this advice ; and
though he did not scruple to give the gamester an op-
portunity of retrieving his loss when he next day de-
manded his reverjge, he absolutely refused to proceed
after he had refunded his winning. The other, who
considered him as a hot-headed, unthinking youth,
endeavoured to enflame his pride to a continuance of
the game by treating his skill Avith scorn and contempt ;
and, among other sarcastic expressions, advised him to
go to school again, before he pretended to engage with
masters of the art. Our hero, incensed at his arro-
PEBEGPJNE PICKLE. 513
gance, replied with great warmtli, that he knew himself
sufficiently qualiiied for playing with men of honour
who deal upon the square, and hoped he should always
deem it infamous either to learn or practise the tricks
of a professed gamester. ' Blood and thunder ! mean-
' ing me, sir ?' cried this artist, raising his voice, and
curling his visage into a most intimidating frow^n.
' Zounds ! I'll cut the throat of any scoundrel who has
' the presumption to suppose that I don't play as
' honourably as e'er a nobleman in the kingdom : and
' I insist upon an explanation from you, sir ; or, by hell
' and brimstone ! I shall expect other sort of satisfac-
' tion.' Peregrine, whose blood by this time boiled
within him, answered without hesitation : ' Far from
' thinking your demand unreasonable, I will imme-
' diately explain myself without reserve, and tell you
' that, upon unquestionable authority, I believe you to
' be an impudent rascal and common cheat.'
The Hector was so amazed and confounded at the
freedom of this declaration, which he thought no man
on earth would venture to make in his presence, that
for some minutes he could not recollect himself ; but at
length whispered a challenge in the ear of our hero,
which was accordingly accepted. When they arrived
next morning upon the field, the gamester, arming
his countenance with all his terrors, advanced with a
sword of a monstrous length, and putting himself in a
posture, called aloud in a most terrific voice, ' Draw !
' d — ye, draw ! I will this instant send you to your
' fathers.' The youth was not slow in complying with
his desire ; his weapon was unsheathed in a moment,
and he began the attack with such unexpected spirit
and address, that his adversary, having made shift
with great difficulty to parry the first pass, retreated
a few paces, and demanded a parley, in which he
VOL. in. 33
514 THE ADVENTURES OF
endeavoured to persuade the young man that to lay
a man of his character under the necessity of chas-
tising his insolence was the most rash and incon-
siderate step that he could possibly have taken, but
that he had compassion upon his youth, and was
willing to spare him if he would surrender his sword,
and promise to ask pardon in public for the offence
he had given. Pickle was so much exasperated at
this unparalleled effrontery, that, without deigning to
make the least reply, he flung his own hat in the
proposer's face, and renewed the charge with such
undaunted agility, that the gamester, finding himself
in the manifest hazard of his life, betook himself to
his heels and fled homewards with incredible speed,
being closely pursued by Peregrine, who, having
sheathed his sword, pelted him with stones as he_
ran, and compelled him to go that same day intol
banishment from Bath, where he had domineered so J
long.
By this achievement, which was the subject of as-
tonishment to all the company, who had looked upon
the fugitive as a person of heroic courage, our adven-
turer's reputation was rendered formidable in all its
circumstances, although he thereby disobliged a good
many people of fashion who had contracted an inti-
macy of friendship with the exile, and who resented
his disgrace as if it had been the misfortune of a
worthy man. These generous patrons, however, bore
a very small proportion to those who were pleased
with the event of the duel, because, in the course of
their residence at Bath, they had either been insulted
or defrauded by the challenger. Nor was this instance
of our hero's courage unacceptable to the ladies, few
of whom could now resist the united force of such
accomplishments. ^Indeed, neither he nor his friend
PEliEGlUXE PICKLE. 515
Godfrey would have found much difficulty in picking
up an agreeable companion for life, but Gauntlet's
heart was pre-engaged to Sophy, and Pickle, exclusive
of his attachment to Emily, which was stronger than
he himself imagined, possessed such a share of ambi-
tion as could not be satisfied with the conquest of any
female he beheld at Bath.
His visits were therefore promiscuous, without any
other view than that of amusement ; and though his
pride was flattered by the advances of the fair whom
he had captivated, he never harboured one thought
of proceeding beyond the limits of common gallantry,
and carefully avoided all particular explanations. But,
what above all other enjoyments yielded him the most
agreeable entertainment was the s ecret history of^
characters , which he learned from a very extraor-
dinary person, with whom he became acquainted in
this manner.
Being at the house of a certain lady on a visiting-
day, he was struck with the appearance of an old man,
who no sooner entered the room than the mistress of
the house very kindly desired one of the wits present
to roast the old put. This petit-maitre^ proud of the
employment, went up to the senior, who had some-
thing extremely peculiar and significant in his coun-
tenance, and saluting him with divers fashionable
conges^ accosted him in these words : ' Your servant,
you old rascal. I hope to have the honour of seeing
you hanged. I vow to Gad ! you look extremely
shocking with these gummy eyes, lantern-jaws, and
toothless chaps. What ! you squint at the ladies,
you old rotten medlar? Yes, yes, we understand
your ogling ; but you must content yourself with a
cook-maid, sink me ! 1 see you want to sit. These
withered shanks of vours tremble under their bur-
516 THE ADVENTURES OF
' den ; but you must have a little patience, old Hirco ;
' indeed, you must. I intend to mortify you a little
' longer, curse me ! '
The company was so tickled with this address, which
was delivered with much grimace and gesticulation,
that they burst into a loud fit of laughter, which they
fathered upon a monkey that was chained in the room ;
and when the peal was over, the wit renewed his attack
in these words : ' I suppose you are fool enough to
think this mirth was occasioned by Pug ; ay, there he
is ; you had best survey him ; he is of your own
family, switch me ! but the laugh was at your ex-
pense ; and you ought to thank heaven for making
you so ridiculous.' While he uttered these ingenious
ejaculations, the old gentleman bowed alternately to
him and the monkey, that seemed to grin and chatter
in imitation of the beau, and with an arch solemnity ot
visage pronounced, ' Gentlemen, as I have not the
' honour to understand your compliments, they will be
' much better bestowed on each other.' So saying, he
seated himself, and had the satisfaction to see the laugh
returned upon the aggressor, who remained confounded
and abashed, and in a few minutes left the room, mut-
tering, as he retired, ' The old fellow grows scurrilous,
' stap my breath ! '
While Peregrine wondered in silence at this extra-
ordinary scene, the lady of the house perceiving his
surprise, gave him to understand that the ancient
visitant was utterly bereft of the sense of hearing;
that his name was Cadwallader Crabtree; his dis-
position altogether mj^anthropical ; and that he was
admitted into company on account of the entertain-
ment he afforded by his sarcastic observations, and
the pleasant mistakes to which he was subject from
his infirmity. Nor did our hero wait a long time for
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 517
an illustration of this odd character. Every sentence
he spoke was replete with gall ; nor did his satire
consist in general reflections, but in a series of remarks
which had been made throuo-h the medium of a most
whimsical peculiarity of opinion.
Among those who were present at this assembly
was a young officer, who, having by dint of interest
obtained a seat in the Lower House, thought it incum-
bent upon him to talk of affairs of state, and accordingly
regaled the company with an account of a secret ex-
pedition which the French were busied in preparing;
assuring them that he had it from the mouth of the
minister, to whom it had been transmitted by one of his
agents abroad. In descanting upon the particulars of
the armament, he observed that they had twenty ships
of the line, ready manned and victualled at Brest,
which were destined for Toulon, where they would be
joined by as many more, and thence proceed to the
execution of their scheme, which he imparted as a
secret not fit to be divulged.
This piece of Intelligence being communicated to all
the company except Mr. Crabtree, who suffered by his
loss of hearing, that cynic was soon after accosted by a
lady, who, by means of an artificial alphabet, formed
by a certain conjunction and disposition of the fingers,
asked If he had heard any extraordinary news of late.
Cadwallader, with his usual complaisance, replied, that
he supposed she took him for a courier or spy by
teasing him eternally with that question. He then
expatiated upon the foolish curiosity of mankind,
which, he said, must either proceed from Idleness or
want of ideas; and repeated almost verbatim the
officer's Information, a vague ridiculous report in-
vented by some ignorant coxcomb, who wanted to
give himself airs of Importance, and believed only by
518 THE ADVENTURES OF
tliose who were utterly nnacqnaintecl witli the politics
and streno'th of the French nation.
In confirmation of what he had advanced, he endea-
voured to demonstrate how impossible it must be for
that people to fit out even the third part of such a navy
so soon after the losses they had sustained during the
war ; and confirmed his proof by asserting that, to his
certain knowledge, the harbours of Brest and Toulon
could not at that time produce a squadron of eight
ships of the line.
The member, who was an utter stranger to this
misanthrope, hearing his own asseverations treated
with such contempt, glowed with confusion and resent-
ment, and raising his voice, began to defend his ve-
racity with great eagerness and trepidation, mingling
with his arguments many blustering invectives against
the insolence and ill-manners of his supposed contra-
dictor, who sat with the most mortifying composure of
countenance, till the officer's patience was quite ex-
hausted ; and then, to the manifest increase of his vex-
ation, he was informed that his antagonist was so deaf,
that, in all probability, the last trumpet would make
no impression upon him without a previous renovation
of his organs.
CHAPTER LXXII.
He cultivates an acquaintance with the misanthrope^
loho favours him with a short sketch of his history.
Peregrine was extremely well pleased with this occa-
sional .rebukcj which occurred so seasonably that he
PEREGBTNE PICKLE. 510
could scarcely believe it accidental. He looked upon
Cadwallader as the greatest curiosity lie had ever
known, and cultivated the old man's acquaintance with
such insinuating address, that in less than a fortnight
he obtained his confidence. As they one day walked
into the fields together, the man-hater disclosed himself
in these words: ' Though the term of our communica-
tion has been but short, you must have perceived that
I treat you with uncommon marks of regard, which,
I assure you, is not owing to your personal accom-
plishments, nor the pains you take to oblige me ; for,
the first I overlook, and the last I see through : bu$
t^^6reis_s omething,- in your disj gosition which indicates
a_ rooted contempt for the world^ and I understand
you have made some successful efforts in exposing one
part of it to the ridicule of the other. It is upon this
assurance that I offer you my advice and assistance
in prosecuting other schemes of the same nature ; and
to convince you that such an alliance is not to be re-
jected, I will now give you a short sketch of my
history, which will be published after my death in
forty-seven volumes of my own compiling.
' I was born about forty miles from this place, of
parents wdio, having a very old family name to sup-
port, bestowed their whole fortune on my elder bro-
ther *, so that I inherited of my father little else than
a large share of choler, to which I am indebted for a
great many adventures that did not always end to my
satisfaction. At the age of eighteen I was sent up to
town, with a recommendation to a certain peer, who
found means to amuse me with the promise of a com-
mission for seven whole years ; and 'tis odds but I
should have made my fortune by my perseverance
had not I been arrested and thrown into the Mar-
shalsea by my landlord, on whose credit I had sub-
520 THE ADVENTURES OE
sisted three years, after my father had renounced me
as an idle vagabond. There I remamed six months,
among those prisoners who have no other support
than chance charity ; and contracted a very valuable
acquaintance, which was of great service to me in the
future emergencies of my life.
' I was no sooner discharged, in consequence of an
Act of Parliament for the relief of insolvent debtors,
than I went to the house of my creditor, whom I
cudgelled without mercy ; and that I might leave no-
thing undone of those things which I ought to have
done, my next stage was to Westminster Hall, where
I waited until my patron came forth from the house,
and saluted him with a blow that laid him senseless on
the pavement ; but my retreat was not so fortunate as
I could have wished; the chairmen and lackeys in wait-
ing having surrounded and disarmed me in a trice, I
was committed to Newgate, and loaded with chains ;
and a very sagacious gentleman, who was afterwards
hanged, having sat in judgment upon my case, pro-
nounced me guilty of a capital crime, and foretold my
condemnation at the Old Bailey. His prognostic, how-
ever, was disappointed ; for nobody appearing to pro-
secute me at the next sessions, I was discharged by
order of the court. It would be impossible for me to
recount, in the compass of one day's conversation, all
the particular exploits in which 1 bore a considerable
share ; suffice it to say, I have been, at different times,
prisoner in all the gaols within the bills of mortality.
I have broken from every round-house on this side
Temple Bar. No bailiff", in the days of my youth and
desperation, durst execute a writ upon me without a
dozen followers ; and the justices themselves trembled
when I was brought before them.
'I was once maimed by a carman, with whom I
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 521
qiiaiTellecl, because lie ridiculed my leek on St. David's
day ; my skull was fractured by a butcher's cleaver on
tlie like occasion. I have been run through the body
five times, and lost the tip of my left ear by a pistol
bullet. In a rencounter of this kind, having left my
antagonist for dead, I was wise enough to make my
retreat into France ; and a few days after my arrival
at Paris, entering into conversation with some officers
on the subject of politics, a dispute arose, in which I
lost my temper, and spoke so irreverently of the Grand
Monarqiie^ that next morning I was sent to the Bastile
by virtue of a lettre de cachet. There I remained for
some months, deprived of all intercourse v/ith rational
creatures ; a circumstance for which I was not sorry,
as I had the more time to project schemes of revenge
against the tyrant who confined me and the wretch
who had betrayed my private conversation ; but tired
at length with these fruitless suggestions, I was fain to
unbend the severity of my thoughts by a correspon-
dence with some industrious spiders, who had hung my
dungeon with their ingenious labours.
' I considered their work with such attention, that I
soon became an adept in the mystery of weaving, and
furnished myself with as many useful observations and
reflections on that art as will compose a very curious
treatise, which I intend to bequeath to the Royal
Society for the benefit of our woollen manufacture ;
and this with a view to perpetuate my own name
rather than befriend my country ; for, thank heaven !
I am weaned from all attachments of that kind, and
look upon myself as one very little obliged to any
society whatsoever. Although I presided with abso-
lute power over this long-legged community, and dis-
tributed rewards and punishments to each, according
to his deserts, I grew impatient of my situation ; and
522 THE ADVENTUBES OF
' my natural disposition, one clay, prevailing, like a fire
' which had long been smothered, i wreaked the fury of
' my indignation upon my innocent subjects, and in a
' twinkling destroyed the whole race. While I was em-
' ployed in this general massacre, the turnkey, who
' brought me food, opened the door, and perceiving my
' transport, shrugged up his shoulders, and leaving my
' allowance, went out pronouncing, '"'' Le paiivre diahle !
' " la tete lui tourner My passion no sooner subsided
^ than I resolved to profit by this opinion of the gaoler,
' and from that day counterfeited lunacy with such
' success, that in less than three months I was delivered
' from the Bastile, and sent to the galleys, in which
' they thought my bodily vigour might be of service,
' although the faculties of my mind were decayed.
' Before I was chained to the oar, I received three
' hundred stripes by way of welcome, that I might
' thereby be rendered more tractable, notwithstand-
' ing I used all the arguments in my power to per-
' suade them, I was only mad nortli-north-ioest^ and
' lohen the loind was southerly^ knew a haioh from a
' hand-saw,
' In our second cruise we had the good fortune to be
' overtaken by a tempest, during which the slaves were
' unbound that they might contribute the more to the
' preservation of the galley, and have a chance for their
' lives in case of shipwreck. We were no sooner at
' liberty than, making ourselves masters of the vessel,
' we robbed the officers, and ran her on shore among
' rocks on the coast of Portugal ; whence I hastened to
' Lisbon, with a view of obtaining my passage in some
' ship bound for England, where, by this time, I hoped
' my affair was forgotten.
' But before this scheme could be accomplished, my
' evil genius led me into company ; and being intoxi-
PEBEGRINE PICKLE. 523
cated, I began to broacli doctrines on the subject of
religion, at which some of the party were scandalized
and incensed ; and I was next day dragged out of bed
by the officers of the inquisition, and conveyed to a
cell in the prison belonging to that tribunal.
' At my first examination my resentment was strong
enough to support me under the torture which I
endured without flinching ; but my resolution abated,
and my zeal immediately cooled, when I understood
from a fellow-prisoner, who groaned on the other side
of the partition, that in a short time there would be
an auto-da-fe; in consequence of which I should, in
all probability, be doomed to the flames, if I would not
renounce my heretical errors, and submit to such
penance as the church should think fit to prescribe.
This miserable wretch was convicted of Judaism,
which he had privately practised, by connivance, for
many years, until he had amassed a fortune sufficient
to attract the regard of the church. To this he fell a
sacrifice, and accordingly prepared himself for the
stake ; while I, not at all ambitious of the crown of
martyrdom, resolved to temporise: so that, when I
was brought to the question a second time, I made a
solemn recantation. As I had no worldly fortune to
obstruct my salvation, I was received into the bosom
of the church, and, by way of penance, enjoined to
walk barefoot to Eome in the habit of a pilgrim.
' During my peregrination through Spain, I was
detained as a spy, until I could procure credentials
from the inquisition at Lisbon; and behaved with
such resolution and reserve, that, after being released,
I was deemed a proper person to be employed in
quality of a secret intelligencer at a certain court.
This office I undertook without hesitation : and beinor
furnished Avith money and bills of credit, crossed the
524 THE ADVENTURES OF
Pyrenees, with intention to revenge_myself upon the
Spaniards for the severities I had undergone during
my captivity.
' Having therefore effectually disguised myself by
a change of dress, and a large patch on one eye, I
hired an equipage, and appeared at Bologna in quality
of an itinerant physician ; in which capacity I suc-
ceeded tolerably well, till my servants decamped in
the night with my baggage, and left me in the con-
dition of Adam. In short, I have travelled over the
greatest part of Europe, as a beggar, pilgrim, priest,
soldier, gamester, and quack, and felt the extremes
of indigence and opulence, with the inclemency of
weather in all its vicissitudes. I have learned that
the characters of mankind are everywhere the same ;
that common sense and honesty b eaii_aii in -finitely
small pro]oortion to foUy an.d vice ; and that life is at
best a paltry province.
' After having suffered innumerable hardships, dan-
gers, and disgraces, I returned to London, where I
lived some years in a garret, and picked up a sub-
sistence, such as it was, by vending purges in the
streets from the back of a pied horse ; in which situa-
tion I used to harangue the mob, in broken English,
under pretence of being a High-German doctor.
' At last an uncle died, by whom I i nlierit an estate
of thre e hundre d pounds per annum, though in his
life-time he would not have parted with a sixpence
to save my soul and body from perdition.
' I now appear in the world, not as a member of any
community, or what is called a social creature, but
merely as a spectator, who entertains himself with the
grimaces of a jack-pudding, and banquets his spleen
in beholding his enemies at loggerheads. That 1 may
enjoy this disposition, abstracted from all interruption,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 525
danger, and participation, I feign myself deaf; an
expedient by which I not only avoid all disputes and - /
their consequences, but also become master of a '"^^^^v
thousand little secrets, which are every day whispered
in my presence, without any suspicion of their being
overheard. You saw how I handled that shallow
politician at my Lady Plausible's the other day. The
same method I practise upon the crazed Tory, the
bigot Whig, the sour supercilious pedant, the petulant
critic, the blustering coward, the fawning tool, the
pert pimp, sly sharper, and every other species of
knaves and fools with which this kingdom abounds.
' In consequence of my rank and character I obtain
free admission to the ladies, among whom I have
acquired the appellation of the Scandalous Chronicle.
As I am considered, while silent, in no other light
than that of a footstool or elbow-chair, they divest
their conversation of all restraint before me, and
gratify my sense of hearing with strange things, which
— if I could prevail upon myself to give the world that
satisfaction — would compose a curious piece of secret
history, and exhibit a quite different idea of characters
from what is commonly entertained.
' By this time, young gentleman, you may perceive
that I have it in my power to be a valuable corre-
spondent ; and that it will be your interest to deserve
my confidence.'
Here the misanthrope left off speaking, desirous to
know the sentiments of our hero, who embraced the
proffered alliance in a transport of joy and surprise ;
and the treaty was no sooner concluded than Mr.
Crabtree began to perform articles, by imparting to
him a thousand delicious secrets, from the possession
of which he promised himself innumerable scenes of
mirth and enjoyment. By means of this associate,
526 THE ADVENTURES OF PEREGRINE PICKLE.
whom lie considered as the ring of Gyges, he foresaw
that he should be enabled to penetrate not only into
the chambers but even to the inmost thoughts of the
female sex. In order to ward off suspicion, they
agreed to revile each other in public, and meet at a
certain private rendezvous, to communicate their
mutual discoveries, and concert their future operations.
But soon* after this agreement, our adventurer was
summoned to the castle by an express from his friend
Hatchway, representing that the commodore lay at the
point of death, and in less than an hour after the
receipt of this melancholy piece of news, he set out
post for his uncle's habitation, having previously taken
leave of Crabtree, who promised to meet him in two
months in London ; and settled a correspondence with
Gauntlet, who proposed to remain at Bath during the
rest of the season.
END OF THE THIRD VOLUME.
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