m ill A BACHELOR OF ARTS IN TWO ACTS. WRITTEN BY PELHAM HARDWICKE. ORIGINAL CASTS, COSTUMES, AND Tliii WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS, CORRECTLY MARiCED AND ARRANGED, BY MR. J. B. -WRIGHT, ASSISTANT MANAGER 05" Tin: BOSTON THEATRE. NEW YORK: SAMUEL ERENCTT, PUBLTSHER, 122 N,\S'3AU ST::r.r.T !''=" i^i'A:^-^'-) H,* H C5&Hfc,0 to IS ^ _ . c « a o :4 c •^ •— '^ Li] E-t O .OS. 5 = S S C Is I'ilo'^o , SP oS o"' t3"5 .• io t^ I = . ^ I-," ^ S o 5 oi -^ S SS5^ 2" a =^ ►J Q H 2 . o a H pj O H « O o a ^ U 2; •■ Vi 3 a g 5, 2; ^■' S _ I H^ I O < s ^ > — -•.."■ ►-. o o -- c ■.- c" (2) ?pq S'^ ...J -n ^ n ^ ti x " ^7^? llMVEIfSM> oj ( UJFOKNM ^/^ 82? . SAiNTA liAKliAliA A BACHELOR OP ARTS. ACT I. Scene I. — A handsomely furnished Apartment in Mr. Thohntoji's House, 3 and 5 G. c. doors open, hacked by chamber ; set doors, n. and L. 2 E. ; table on E. n., with pens, inkstand, and portfolio of vaper ; arm chair on R. H. ; table on L. H., loith embroidery and newspaper; two chairs on L. H. ; two chairs on R. H. ; sofa on 3 E. L. H. Adolpiius discovered loriting at table on R. h., and Emma. embroidering at table on l. n. Emma. (l. h.) Well, but, Adulplius Adol. (r. h.) Now, be quiet. Emma. What are you so busy about, Dolly ? Adol. Don't call me Dolly ; you know I hate it ! Emma. Eut what are you doing ? Adol. I'm at work ! Emma. What at ? Adol. A French exercise ! Emma. O ! (SAe rises softly, crosses to R. ii., peeps over his shoul' der, reads.') " Angelic girl ! " Adol. (^Angrily.) Emma, how dare you ? Emma. Do you call that French ? Adol. It's a passage I'm translating from Milton's Paradise Lost ! Emma. It's more like Paradise Found, I think. Adol. {Rising.) Nonsense ! don't be such a little fool ! Emma. Have you finished ? Adol. Yes, I have; now, what do you Avant? Emma. Well, I've been all the morning trying to guess what can be the reason that papa has sent away your old tutor, Mr. Greenfinch. Adol. Well, there's no very great difficulty in guessing that. Why, because I'm eighteen years old — because I'm a man, and don't require Emma. A man! well done, Dolly! a pretty man, indeed! Where's your beard ? Adol. It's coming very fast. Emma. Is it ? I haven't seen a single sprout yet ! C3) 4 A BACHELOR OF AHTS. [ACT I. Adol. No, of course not ; because I shaA'e them off. Emma. Shave ! Ha, ha, ha ! No, no, don't flatter yourself, my dear Dolly ; you're not out of leading strings yet, as you'll find very soon. Adol. What do you mean ? Emma. I mean that papa is looking out for another tutor for you. Adol. Who told you so ? Emma. This newspaper. (^Gives " Tunes " from table, L. H.) There, read that. Adol. {Reading.') " Wanted, a wet nurse with a " Emma. No, no, not that ; there. {Pointing to advertisement.") Adol. (Reading.) " Wanted, a tutor for a boy of eighteen; he must be a B. A. of Oxford or Cambridge. Apply to Mr. Thornton, Westbourne Terrace, Hyde Park." Emttia. Well, what do you say to that ? Adol. Say ? it's ridiculous ! a boy, indeed J one would suppose I was only twelve years old ; but, by Jove, 1'Li.ead the B. A. a pretty life, whoever he may be. I'll worry his soul out of him. It's mon- strous ! Emma. Now don't get into a passion, Dolly. Adol. But I will get into a passion. I'll go to my father directly, and tell him plainly Emma. No, no ; he has given orders that he is not to be disturbed. Adol. What's that for ? Emma. I don't know. He received a letter this morning, from Liverpool, I think, Avhich quite put him out, and has been closeted in his study ever since. Adol. The dense he has ! Mat. {Without, d. r. h. 2 e.) Yes, sir; directly, sir. Emma. Here comes old Matthew; I'll see if I can't get some intelligence out of him. Enter Matthew, d. 2 e. r. h. Emma. Matthew ! Mat. Yes, miss. Emma. Did papa want any thing particular when he rang just now ' Mat. Your pa's going to Liverpool by the first train, miss. ' Emma. O, indeed ! Come along, Dolly ; I want you. Adol. In a moment ! {Exit, d. 2 e. l. h., quickly.) Matthew, take this letter to the post for me, there's a good fellow. {Gives note.) Mat. Yes, sir. Emma. {Without, 2 e. l. h.) Are vou coming, Dolly ? Adol. O, Dolly be d— d ! Mat. O, don't swear. Master Adolphus ; it's a shocking bad habit ! Adol. Bother ! {Exit, d. 2 e. l. ii.) Mat. {Reading the address.) " For Miss Arabella Mountstuart, Heartease Cottage, Old Brompton." This is about the twentieth letter I've posted to that address in the coiu-ge of the last month. SCENE I.] A BACHELOR OP ARTS. Enter Harry Jasper, c. d. e. ii. Jasp. (l. n., examining the room loith his eije glass.) By Jove, how singular ! Mat. (R. H.) Hallo ! who's this ? — (To him.) Well, sir ? Jasp. Is Jlr. Thornton here ? Mat, He is engaged, sir. Jasp, Very well ; I'll wait. Mat, But don't I tell you he's Jasp, And don't I tell you I'll wait ? Mat. What may your name be, sir ? Jasp, That's my business ! 2,Iat, But I must announce Jasp. " But " Mr. Thornton doesn't know me ! Mat. But it's usiial to Jasp. O, very well ; if you insist, say that Mr. John, Thomas, William, Samuel, Peter, James, Philip, Henry, Luke, Timothy, Paul, David, Obadiah, Zachariah, Elijah Mat. (^Interrupting him.) But, sir, I shall never be able to recollect. Jasp, What do you ask for, if you can't recollect ? That's your business ; don't announce me. That's just what I wish. Mat, (^Aside, going, r. h.) Well, I'm hanged if he ain't a droll Tin ! {Exit, D. 2 e. r. h.) Jasp. {Looking at the room.) The room's exactly like all other rooms. Nothing uncommon, nothing extraordinary, nothing indica- tive of singularity. It's very odd — furniture same as usual, easy chair same as usual — {sitting) — it's very odd Reenter Matthew, d. 2 e. r. n. Mat, Master says you are to wait. {Exit, c. d. l. h.) Jasp, Servants ugly and impudent as usual ! It's quite clear I've made a mistake altogether, and shan't have the fun I expected here. {Rising.) I thought I was coming to some antediluvian place, where I've a great mind to decamp at once. Add. (IVithout, c. L. H.) Very well, Matthew, very well. Jasp. Eh ? I know that voice ! Enter Adderly, c. d. l. h. Add. Jasper ! why, what the dense can you be doing here, my dear fellow ? Jasp. I ? Nothing ! What are you doing here, if you come to that ? Add. O, I'm a friend of the family. Jasp. Then allow me to entertain the worst opinion of the house ? A queer lot, eh ? Add, Quite the reverse, sir. They're a first-rate lot, as you call them. Jasp, Oddities, ain't they ? 1* 6 A BACHELOR OF ARTS. [ACT I. Add. Not the least in the world. Thornton is a sensible man — a retired city merchant. Gives capital dinners, has a capital cellar of Mine, and an income, they say, of 4000^. a year. Jasp. Any children ? Add. By the first marriage. A charming young wife, full of sen- timent, eyes like loadstars, and as coquettish as you please. The son, eighteen, is a fine fellow, very green, somewhat enthusiastic ; the daughter, a pretty Uttle innocent, fresh from boarding school — a perfect Phccbe. Jasp. That will do. Good by ! (^Going.) Add. You are not going : Jasp. Yes, I am. You've settled my business. Add. I ! How ? Jasp. From the moment !Mr. Thornton and his family belong to the common race of mortals, my business here is ended. They are too respectable for me. Add. What do you mean ? "What did you come here for ? Jasp. To be kicked out ! Add. AVhat ! Jasp). I did, upon my honor ! The fact is, having passed two nights in succession going to bed at twelve, sleeping till eight in the morning, like any other mechanical being who pays his rent and eats four meals a day, I said to myself when I woke up, " This vn\\ never do, mj- friend Harry Jasper ; you're degenerating — you're becoming a very commonplace sort of person. You must have some excite- ment, my boy." So I took up " The Times" and began to look over the advertisements. Add. (^Laughinrj.) That was an excitement, indeed ! What a queer idea ! Jasp. Queer ! Yon don't know what you are talking about. The advertisements in "The Times" are the last new map of humanity. ^A'here else will you find such a picture of the world — of the ups and downs of existence, the ins and outs of social hfer No theories, no paradoxes, nothing but bare facts. ^Man's hopes, wants, miseries ; his schemes of ambition, the dreams he forms, the snares that are laid for him, all set forth in battle array — column after column ! AVhy, it's the vade mecun of half mankind — the polestar of the world of business — the providence of sei-\-ants out of place — the tutelary angel of thirsty babies and hungry nurses — the charlatan's trumpet, and the tradesman's Parnassus, from whence, mounting his Pegasus, at the rate of a shilling a mile, he can see his name, his address, and the super-superlative description of his supcr-super-superlative wares wafted clown the stream of time to the latest posterity. Add. Well, certamly, viewed in that light, it is not so uninterest- ing a study. Jasp. i should think not, indeed. But to return. Looking over the advertisements this morning, the following words struck my eye : "Wanted, a tutor for a boy of eighteen ; he must be a B. A. from Oxford or Cambridge. Apply to Mr. Thornton, AVestbourne Terrace, Hyde Park." " Wanted a tutor" — the old-fashioned plainness of the phraseology struck me at once. " A boy of eighteen," too, in an 6CLNE I.] A BACHELOK OF AUTS. 7 age when we're all young gentlemen before we're fourteen ! — this is the man for my money, I said ; daddy Thornton, a dear old twaddle ! and I mark him for my own. Bless his old frosty poU, his antedi- luvian pigtail, and his venerable shoe buckles ! AVith them will I divert myself until further notice. He shall have a tutor, a B. A., and here he is ! Add. What ! Do you mean to say you are come to answer the advertisement ? Ha, ha, ha ! what a joke ! So you expected to find a stupid old Ha, ha ! Instead of which you find a Ha, ha, ha ! Jasp, Exactly ; so my joke's knocked on the head; and^ere I go. Good by ! (^Going up c.) Enter Mr. Thoentox, d. e. h. 2 e. Thorn. (^Coldly.) Mr. Adderly, good morning. — (7b Jasper.) 1 presume, sir, you are the gentleman who has done me the honor to ■ Jasp. I ! O, dear, no. I Add. O ! yes, certainly, yes. This is Mr. Thornton, for whom you were inquuing. This gentleman was just saying he wished to speak to you. — (Aside.) Ha, ha, ha ! Jasp. (Aside.) You villain ! Thorn. Excuse me for having detained j'ou ; but being about to leave London directly, I Jasp. You haven't time to attend to me; of course not. Pray don't mention it ; good morning ! (Going.) Thorn. (Detaining him.) Not so ; I am now quite at hberty, and entirely at your ser\'ice. Jasp. (Aside.) Confound it ! a quiet, good sort of man, too. I'm quite ashamed of myself. Thorn. (To Adderly.) Mr. Adderly, your visit, no doubt, was intended to ^Mrs. Thornton. You will tind the ladies in the drawing room. Add. Thank ye! with your permission. — (Aside to Jasper.) Ha, ha, ha ! poor Harry, get yourself out of this if you can. (Exit, D. 2 E. L. 11.) Jasp. (Aside.) I'll pay him off fd? it ! No shoe buckles ; I'm deused sorry I came. Thorn. Now, sir, I am at your service. (Offers chair; they sit.) Jasp. (h. c, aside.) If he had but even a little bit of a pigtail. — (Aloud.) I beUeve, sii-, you have advertised in " The Timus " for a tutor. Thorn, (l. c.) I have, sir. At first sight it may appear strange ; but, on reflection, I am sine you will approve of my reason for prefcning an advertisement to the recommendation of a friend ; instead of being obliged to accept a tutor upon faith, or run the risk of affronting my friend by rejecting his prottgit, I am thus my own master. I can frankly interrogate each candidate myself, and can bow him out with- out ceremony, L*' ho thouldn't happen to suit me. 8 A BACHELOR OF ARTS. [aCT I. Jasp. (^Aside.") Now to get myself kicked out as soon as pos- sible. — {To him.) Well, then, sir, I am come to offer you my ser- vices. Thorn. You, sir ? I should scarcely have thought — with your appearance and your age Jasp. "We won't talk of my age ! I am eight and twenty, and my appearance is good. Let us rather talk of my qualifications. Thorn. You have qualifications, then- Have you taken your degree ? Jasp. Sir, I am not only a bachelor, but a Master of Arts. As to my quaUfications Thorn. Perhaps you will enumerate them. Jasp. By all means ! I can run a race ■«-ith Tommy Lye, train a three year old with John Scott, put on the gloves with Alec Reed, snuif a candle with a pistol ball at twelve paces Thorn. Sir Jasp. Fence with Angclo, give the bench marker seven at rackets, and beat him, dance ^^•ith St. Leon, play billiards ^\•ith Y'oung Jon- athan, and blind-hookey with a Lisle Street banker. Thorn. [After steadfastly regarding him for a motnent.) Really, sir, I cannot but appreciate so varied an assemblage of accomplish- ments ; still, I must confess to you that you are not exactly the sort of tutor I had intended for my son. Jasp. {Aside.) I should think not ! Thorn. At the same time I — really I —— Jasp. (Aside.) He doesn't know how to get rid of me. — I see, sir, 1 have not the good fortune to suit you. Good morning f Thorn. No, I don't exactly say that ; only perhaps you ^vill be so good as to leave me your address, and I'U consider of it. Jasp. Certainly; by all means. (Takes out card case. — To him- self.) He's a pohte old soul. I won't hoax him any further. Thorn. (^Aside.) I'm not a little curious to know this joker's name. Jasp. (Giving card.) That Ls my card ; delighted to have made your acquaintance. Good morning, sir ! Tleorn. (Looking at card.) Good Heavens ! " "Six. Henry Jas- per 1 " — (Aloud.) Stay, sir. Jasp. (Upstage.) Eh: Thorn. (Aside.) Why, it's impossible, and yet — (taking letter quickly from his pocket, and glancing at it.) It must be he. — (To Jasper.) One word more, if you please ! Jasp. (Coming doicn.) Certainly. Y'ou haven't altered your mind, I presume : Thorn. Well, I don't know. On second thoughts you really do possess many qualities ! Riding and fencing are by no means useless acquirements. — (.Suddenly.) Can you swim r Jasp. (Bather posed at first, but recovering his audacity, to himself.) He's having a turn at me now. — (To him.) Swim! ,1 should rather think so ; why, during the late heavy floods at Oxford, I rescued a brick house from drowning I Thorn. Good 1 Do vou draw ; SCENE I.] A BACHELOR OF AKTS. 9 Jasp, "SVith a long bow r Thorn. Xo ; I'lom nature ? Jasp. Beautiful! J' — with a daguerreotj-pe. Thorn. Of course you're a musician ? Jasp. I play a little on the bassoon. Thorn. The instrument that apj^roaches most nearly to the human voice. Jasp. Yes, the human voice, when it has got a cold ! Thorn. Gayety and wit combined ! I don't see what more I could desire. Jasp. (^Astonished.) Eh ? Thorn. I have made up my mind, sir. You will suit me ad- mirabl}'. Jasp. What ! suit you ? Thorn. Exactly. Jasp. (^As'de.) The hoax continues ! — (Aloud.) I beg your pardon ; but before accepting so onerous an appointment as that of tutor, it is the duty of every honest man to lot his character be thoroughly known. Thorn. Your remark, in itself, betokens a good and loyal heart. Jasp. I must confess to you, then, that the moral and intellectual part of my education has become considerably rusted from want of use. Thorn. "With intelligence and right feeling, that is a defect easily repaired. Jasp. But, unfortunately, that is not all ! For the last seven years I have led a most dissipated life Thorn. Good ! Jasp. I've gambled like the devD.! Tliorn. Very good ! Jasp. And always lost. Thorn. So much the better. Go on. Jasp. I've fought duels, been desperately wounded, run through a large fortune, and am, at this moment, a ruined man ; with which I have the honor of wishing you good morning. (lUsinj a[jain.) Thorn. (Placing Jiis hand upon his shoulder, and pressing him down in his seat.) Excellent ! my dear sir, excellent ! ,7asp. What ! doesn't all this frighten you ? Thorn. Just the contrary ! Jasp. Why, only a few moments ago, you Thorn. A few moments ago I took you for a facetious wag, and did not know which to admire most, your impertinence or your bad taste ; but I have gradually become enlightened as to the high grasp of your views Jasj). (Mystified.) The high grasp r Thorn. Of course you have evidently thought deeply on the sub- ject. You have reflected that a young man, fresh from school or col- lege, can be but little in want of Latin or Greek ; but, what he is in want of is, knowledge of the world — that acquaintance with life and its usages which is essential for entering into society. My son, for instance, ought to be perfectly master of riding, fencing, and 10 A BACHELOE, OF AKTS. [ACT I. shooting ; he should even learn to box, for do we not meet with im- posing toll keepers and insolent cabmen at eveiy turning r And as he can't call them out, he should be able to knock them doAvn. Jcisp. {Aside.) What the dense is he driving at ? Thorn. Yes, sir, I say I now perfectly comprehend you, and that M'hich above all has decided me in your favor is the intimate practical acquaintance you have with every species of vice and chicanery. Jasp. What ! you are not afraid of risking the example of Thorn. Your past life ? Certainly not ; it forms the very essence of your utility ; for you will make a magnificent finger post to warn my boy against the dangers you have encountered. The worn-doAvn libertine, the ruined gambler, the unsuccessful duellist, will be doubly able to point out the paths of wisdom, prudence, and economy. And when, in furtherance of your counsels, you show him your scarred breast, your ruined prospects, your empty purse, and your withered heart, he must, he cannot but believe you. {CooUi/.) Is it not so ? Jasp. AVell, certainly — I Thorn. Y'ou see I now perfectly imderstand you. Jasp. {Aside.) I wonder which of us is hoaxing the other ? Thorn. I must now tell you that I am about to start for Liverpool. (Jasper sta7-ts.) Do you know Liverpool ? Jasp. Y'es, slightly. I left it six years ago: my family — my father resides there still. Thorn. (Aside.) O, there's no longer any doubt ! It's he ! — (Aloud.) 1 am going to pay a visit there, Avhich may very probably be prolonged a month or six weeks ; and I shall be glad to be able to leave a trustworthy and confidential friend here in my absence. Jasp. {Astonished.) A trusworthy and conf — ^\ hy, you don't mean me ? Thorn. Yes, you ! Jasp. O, come, come, Mr. Thornton, let's be frank with each other. You have some private reason behind the curtain for all this. It's not natural. Thorn. Well, I have a reason, Mr. Jasper. Jasp. {Liffht/i/.) I thought so. May I inquire what it is ? Thorn. If j'ou don't accept my offer it is unnecessary that you should know it. If you do," I will inform you before I start. Jas]}. {Aside, astonished.) O ! Enter Mattheav, c. d. l. h. Mat. If you please, sir Thorn, Well, why do you intcrruj^t me when I'm engaged ? Mat. {Aside to him.) Mr. Wylie is here, and says he must see you, sir. Thorn. {Aside.) That man again! — {To Matthew.) I'll be with him directly. {Exit Matthew, c. d. l. h.) I am obliged to leave j-ou for a few minutes, Mr. Jasper. Reflect on my proposal, and let mo know your determination when I return. {Exit, R. H. 2 E.) Jasp. And I, who expected to find an old twaddle in silver buckles SCENE I.] A EACHEIOR OF ASTS. 11 and pigtail, am caught in my owti trap ! I thought to have laughed at his expense, but he has completely turned the tables on me! Well, there's only one thing to be done — and yet — stay ! he said he had a private reason. Add. ( Without, d. l. h. 2 e.) Good morning, my dear madam ! Mrs. Thorn. {Without, d. l. h. 2 e.) Good morning, Mr. Ad- derly. We shall see 5'ou again presently. Now, don't be long. Jasp. Adderly there still ! He pays visits to Mrs. Thornton. Why, surely he cannot have designs upon his friends ! Ilumph ! ■we shall see, we shall see. Enter Addeelt, d, l. h. 2 e. Add. Hallo ! You here still ! Jasp. As you see. Add. What 1 couldn't you succeed in getting yourself kicked out? Jasp. Kicked out ! a hkely thing, indeed ! Why, my dear fel- low, I am appointed ! Add. Apjx)inted ! What ? Jasp. Tutor to the " young, green enthusiast" ! Add. You ? Xonsense ! Jasp. Fact, upon my honor ! Add. But you won't accept ? Jasp. Weil, I don't know. AVhat do you thuik ? Add. You're joking. Jasp. Indeed I'm not. You were talking to me just now about a charming young woman, full of sentiment, eyes like loadstars, and as coquettish as you please ; and, upon my soul, I've some idea of Add. Eh ■ why, surely you are not thinking of laying siege to Mrs. Thornton. Jasp. Why not ? Add. O, come, come ! no nonsense of that kind. — I shan't allow that, I can tell you. Jasp. Why, what can it signify to you ? Add. (^Rather taken aback.) O, nothing ; only Thornton is my friend, you know, and Jasp. What ? you the friend of a man with a pretty wife ! Xo, no, that won't do. Add. Nay, I swear to you Jasp. It's the daughter a-ou are looking after r Add. Still less. Jasp. Honor ? Add. Honor ! Jasp. O, well ; from the moment you swear that you are not my rival, I'll confess to you that I had an eye upon Add. The daughter ? you surprise me ! I thought you couldn't bear little women. Jasp. {Aside.) O ! she's a little woman, is she ? — {Aloud.) Not like little women : why, I adore them ! especially when they have 12 A BACKELOK OF AKTS. [ACT I. such eyes as — (aside) — I -wonder -what her name is — (aloud) — as she has. I suppose vou'll allow she has fine eyes ■ Add. O, splencUd ! Jasp. And teeth — what do you say to her teeth ? Add. Pearls! Jasp. And only "VMiat age do you suppose her ? Add. Seventeen at the outside. Jasp. I think not, indeed ; she hardly looks that. She is a charm- ing girl, isn't she : It's a pity she has such an ugly name. Add. Emma ! Do you think Emma an ugly name ? Jasp, Eh ? -well, I don't know. I may get used to it at last, perhaps. Add. I say, Ham*, you're a cunning dog ! I see it all no-\v ! Jasp. All what : Add. This advertisement business — wanted a tutor — eh r So i^ was only a pretence after all, in order to Jusp. Exactly ; you've hit it. Wasn't bad, was it r But come, let's understand each other. Treason for treason — help me and I'll help you — betray me and I betray you — put in a good word for me with the husband, and I'll put a good word in for you with the wife. Add. (Eagerlt/.) A bargain. Jasp, O ! you confess, then ? Add. Of course. Jasp. And how do j-ou get on ? Add. O, I've not much — as yet. Jasp. O, as yet ; then she hasn't Add. No, she hasn't even the slightest idea of any thing beyond a flirtation as yet. But Thornton is going out of town to-day, and it shall go hard but I secure her before his return. Jasp. {Aside.} Here's a pretty fellow for you now ! — But about your di\'ine Arabella ? I thought she held a certain promise of mar- riage of yours. Add. Hush ! that's all off now. Jasp. Indeed r Add. A master-stroke of pohcy ! She is going to marry Thorn- ton's son. Jasp. AVhat ! my pupil ■ the green enthusiast ? Add. Yes ; I introduced him to her, and so got rid of them both. I treated them on the homoeopathic principle — don't you see ? Jasp. Ver}- ingenious ! — (Aside.) Was there ever such a scamp ? Add. And the most amusing part of it is, that he believes he is her first love ! Jasp. Ha, ha, ha ! It's very comical ! — (Aside.) The heartless vagabond ! Add. But we had better not be seen together ; so I'm off. Mind, though ! Honor ! Jasp. Honor ! (Exit Addeely, c. d. i. h.) Honor, indeed; he's a nice man to talk about honor ; and to think of a worthy, honest man, hke Mr. Thornton, harboring such a viper as this to undermine his house and happiness ! No, no ! I can't stand by and see that ! it would be rather too bad. SCENE I.] A EACHELOK OF ARTS. 13 Enter Emma, d. r. h. 2 e. Emma. What can be the matter r Ah ! Some one here ! Jasp. {Aside.) The daughter, no doubt. — (To her.) Excuse me — Miss Emma Thornton, I beheve. Emma. Y — yes, sir ! Jasp. You seem alarmed ! Nothing unpleasant, I trust ; but I forget you do not know me. 3Iy name is Jasper — Henry Jasper, your brother's new tutor. Emma. {Astonished.) You, sir ? Jasp. Ye% ; does it sui'prise you ? Emma. AVhy, rather ; I always thought that tutors were old, ugly, ridiculous-looking beings. Jasp. {Smiling.) Indeed ! AVhy so ? Emma. I'm sure ^Ir. Greenfinch was ; but you, on the contrary, {Aside.) O, dear, I mustn't say that ! — {To him.) I mean that you — you don't look hke a — though I dare say you are a very good one! — {To herself.) I declare I'm in such a flutter, I don't know what I'm saying ! Jasp. {Aside.) Her embaiTassment is charming ! — {To her.) And now, having exjDlained who and "what I am, may I once more inquire the cause of your agitation ? Emma. My fears are groundless, I dare say, sir ; but in passing papa's study just now, I heard him speaking very loudly and angrily, and yet Mr. Wylie is such a nice, quiet person, that I am sure Jasp. {Astonished.) Wylie ! what, Andrew Wylie ? Emma. Yes ; do you know him r Jasp. I know a man of that name, about fifty, a dry, withered face, brown coat, with yellow buttons, brick-dust waistcoat, broad brimmed hat, with a soft voice and hypocritical manner. Emma. That's he. Jasp. And is he now with yoirr father ? Emma. Yes. Jasp. Does he often come here ? Emma. About once a month or so. He is not a quarrelsome man, I hope ; Ls he, sir ? Jasp. He? O, no ! he is incapable of quarrelling with anybody. Emma. I'm very glad of that : thank you, sir, that's all I Avantcd to know. — {To herself.) He's a very nice young gentleman. — {To him. Crosses to l. h.) Good morning, sir. — {Aside.) A great cleal too good looking for a tutor. {Exit, d. l. h. 2 e.) Jasp. Wylie here ? Wylie, the money lender ! "What the deuse can it mean ? Thorn. {Without, D. r. h. 2 e.) You are an infamous scoundrel ! Jasp. {Goes to D, R. H. 2 E, and listens.) Eh ! That's Thorn- ton's voice. — " You are an infamous scoundrel ! " — What will my friend Wylie say to that, I wonder ? bpeak louder, you old scamp ! O, now I hear )-ou ! Wi/lie. {Without, 11. II. 2 E.) I must have two hundred and fifty pounds at once ! o 11 A BACHELOR OF ARTS. [ACT I. Jasp. " In addition to the monthly sum you pay me, I must have two hundred and fifty pounds at once, or if not " I can't heai any more; no. (^Comes down.) Money paid him every monthj — there's some villany at the bottom of it ! Wylie. ( Without, D. K. H. 2 e.) Thankye, !Mr. Thornton ; I shall do mj-sclf the pleasure of giving you another call shortly. Enter Mr. Wylie, d. r. h. 2 e. ; crosses to l. h., not noticing Jasper, putting notes into his pocket book, ichich he places in his pocket. Jasp. (^Aside.) It appears that Thornton has forked out. Wijlie. {To himself, L. H.) My bird Avould hardly sing to-day; he wasn't in good voice; very much inclined to be sulky ; but I took out my -whistle, and managed it at last. Jasp. (r. h., taps him on the shoulder.) Aha, my merry-andrew ! Wylie. {Astonished.) Eh r Avhat, Mr. Jasper ? Jasp. ■ The compliments of the season to you, old boy ! Wylie. Thankye ; are you acquainted with Mr. Thornton ? Jasp. O, yes ; are you ? Wylie. Bless you ! I've known him these ten years. Jasp. Poor man ! I pity him then ! "Well, and how is business ? Wylie. Bad — ver^i' bad ! all topsy-turvy ; credit's bad, and honest men are suffering horribly. Jasp. That's the reason you're looking so well, I suppose. Wylie. Ila, ha, ha ! you will have your joke, Mr. Jasper ; but I'm glad I've met you, for all that ! Jasp. Really ! Wylie. Yes ; you owe me three hundred and twenty pounds, you know ! Jasp. Exactlv ! but we'll talk of that some other time. Wylie. When r Jasp. Well, say in a nionth. Wylie. Where r for you know one never knows how to find Jasp. My address ! perhaps not ; and you know that there are many people who wouldn't be sorry to find out yours. Wylie. What do you mean by that ? Jasp. Old friends in Liverpool, and thereabouts, who suffered by you when Jones and Co., Bankers of Huddersfield, of wliich firm you were both the Jones and Co., failed — cut — run Wylie. (Sharply.) You're not going to tell them, I suppose. Jasp. O, no! I've quite enough to do with my own affairs; as for the three hundred and twenty pounds I owe you, we'll talk about that — let me see, now — here in this house, when you come to draw your next month's annuity. Wylie. {Astonished.) Eh? you know Jasp. Good by, Mr. Wylie, good by ! Wylie. But first tell me Jasp. No, no. {Laughiny.) Not now, Old Curiosity ; the next time we meet. Wylie. O, very well I — {Aside.) How the devil did become to know any thinf; aboiit it, I wonder i {Exit, c. D. L. H.) SC2NE I.J A nACHELOR OF ARTS. 15 Jasp. So, blaster Andrew, Thornton is your bird, and you make him sing, do you ? But I'm installed here now, old boy, and I'll see if I can't — installed, did I say ? am 1 ? Well, why not ? I've nothing better to do, after all ! Enter Thornton, d. l. ti. 2 e. Thorn. Well, sir, have you made up your mind ? Janp. (L. H.) Well — really, sir, I'm almost inclined to accept your offer, Mr. Thornton. Thnrn. {Rings bell on table, R. ir.) That's right ! I told you, Mr. Jasper, that I was going to make a journey to Liverpool. During my absence you will consider yourself master of this house. Jasp. But really,-sir Enter Matthew, c. d. l. n., clown l. c. Thorn. (Crosses c. To Matthew.) Tell my son I wish to see him, and tell your mistress and my daughter that I wish to speak to them. {Exit Matthew, d. l. h. 2 e.) Jasp. (k. h.) But allow me to Thorn, (l. h.) We won't talk of remuneration, Mr. Jasper ; you are not a man I can pay. My banker will have my instructions to honor your drafts, and my servants v.ill obey you in every thing. You are a friend to whom I intrust the care of my house. In your hands I place the honor of my family. Jasp. {AJfected deepli/.) Mr. Thornton, I know not how to reply to such pi-OL)fs of confidence. From my very boyhood I have felt the want of some such honorable responsibility — some such sacred duty to be imposed upon me. Until I was twenty years old my father treated me as a child, and exacted nothing from me but blind obedi- ence. I then hoped that the time had at last arrived when he would look upon me as his son and his friend. I was mistaken ; I was only transformed into one of his clerks — one of his servants. He paid me a salary, and I got into debt ; Avhcn business took him abroad for some months, he excluded me from all voice in the management of his affairs during his absence. ^ly debts and difhculties increased. Knowing that I liad an independent fortune from the will of a distant relation, when I should be five and twenty, (of which my father was mean timej'trustce, ) and disgusted with his want of confidence, I left the paternaLropf ; and have since run the career, of which I gave you a sketch at .ou(I' first interview. But now, sir, your generous confi- dence in me makes me feel once more that I am a man — I feel, too, that I can be an honest man ! Thorn. {With feel inr/.) I feel that my confidence will not be misplaced, Mr. Jasper. Enter Aooi^viivs, followed by Matthew, c. d. l. h. Adol. (l. h.) You sent for me, sir ? (Jasper on R. n.) Thorn, (c.) Yes. I Avish to introduce you to this gentleman, Mr. Jasper, who has consented to become your tutor, and also to take charge of my household and affairs during my absence in the country. 16 A BACHELOR OP AKTS, [ACT I. I^Iatthew, YOU and your fellow-servants -will obey Mr. Jasper's orders in every thing as you would mine — he is absolute master here. Go and intorm them. " {Exit Matthew, c. d. l. h.) Enter Mrs. Thorntox and Emma, l. h. 2 e. Mr. Jasper, allow me to introduce my wife and daughter, Mrs. Thornton, Miss Emma Thornton. This is Mr. Jasper, my son's new tutor, and whom you will, in my absence, look up to, as the master of the house. Mrs. T. (L. c, aside to him.) I should have thought that in my husband's absence I might myself Thorn. Have undertaken the education 'of a young man of eighteen, the accounts of a busy house, and Mrs. T. Your man of business is here to look after your interests. Thorn. My man of business is not here to look after my wife. Mrs. T. Your wife ! Does she then require Thorn. No, not yet ! But if, some day, Mr. Frederick Adderly should inadvertently mistake the feelings of friendship which you en- tertain for him, and you should need an adviser, Zvlr. Jasper will be ever ready at your side. Mrs. T. {Aside.) What can he mean r {Exeunt Mrs. Thorxtox and Emma, d. l. h. 2 e.) Thorn. {Crosses to R. n.) I will now leave you to make ac- quaintance with your pupil. I shall see you again before I set out. {Exit, D. R. H. 2 E.) Jasp. {Looking at AnoLPHrs.) Fine fellow — good eye and open countenance ! There's something to be made of him ! Ad'jl. {Aside.) I don't like the look of the chap at Jasp. {Sits L. of table on R. H.) Take a seat, young gentleman. {Blandltj.) Adol. {Aside.) I shan't if I don't like ! {Sits n. of table on R. H.) What are we to begin with, sir ? I've been in Virgil for Latin, and Homer for Greek, and Jasp. Never mind all that for the present. First tell me which do you like best, port or claret ? Adol. {Astonished.) Sir! Jasp. I ask a'ou which you like best, port or claret ? •- Adol. Keally I Jasp. Come, your answer ! Adol. "Well, I like port best. Jasp. I thought so ! At eighteen we are all the same — all the same. But, my good friend, don't you know that port is heavy, al- coholic, heating, astringent ; while claret is the finest stomachic and tonic that you can imbibe — a hogshead of it at a sitting will do you no harm. But port, nine tenths of it is a decoction of sloe juice, and the other tenth will plant a mulberry tree on your nose, and the gout in your toes, before you're thirty I Adol. lleally, sir Jtisp. My dear boy, do you take me for an old pedant, a Dr. Dil worth, that you addrci^s me so formally ? Y'ou don't know me yet, but you will soon. {Calling.) ^latthcw ! BCENE I.] A BACHELOR OF ARTS. 17 Enter Matthe'^-, instanter, d. l. h. 2 E. Mat. Sir. Jasp. O, O ! you listen at keyholes, do you, Mr. Matthew ? Mat. Lor', sir! Jasp. Yes, yes ; we understand all about that. Bring brandy and cold water ! Mat. (^Astonished.) Sir ! Jasp. Matthew, I don't hke the trouble of repeating my orders ! Brandy and cold water ! Mat. Yes, sir. (-4s he goes.') Well, he's a queer tutor ! {Exit, c. D. L. H.) Jasp. ( Taking out cigar case.) Do you smoke ? Adol. Yes, now and then, onh' papa doesn't know it. Jasp. Ah ! that's bad ; I don't like that ! Boys should either not smoke at all, or should say boldly to their dads, " Have a weed, guvener ? " There must be no playing at hide and seek with papas ! It's bad — it's very bad ! Here, {offering cigar,) here's a cigar for you, that was manufactured by old Cabanas ! It's as dry as an old schoolmaster. Adol. {Delighted.) Thank you. — {Aside.) I begin to like him much better ! {They light their cigars with fusee.) Enter Matthew, c. d. l. h., with trag, o?i ichich are two tumblers, a small bottle of brandy, and jug of cold water. Mat. {Aside.) I'll be shot if they ain't smoking ! Jasp. {To Matthew.) Put it down, and now go ! Mat. Yes, sir ! {As he goes.) Well, he is a funny tutor ! {Exit, C. D. L. H.) Jasp. Now let's have a little friendly chat ! {Mixing brandy and water for both.) Adol. With all my heart, my dear tutor ! Jasp. Call me Jasper. "N^Tien people are about to live together, it's advisable that they should understand each other beforehand. Adol. Certainly it is ! Jasp. I'll tell you in two words what sort of fellow you have to deal with in me. A man who feels very much inclined to cotton to you as he would to a younger brother — a good sort of chap if you're open and frank with him ; but a devil if you try to checkmate him ! Now choose — which is it to be ? {Passing him a glass of brandy and water.) Adol. The " good sort of chap," of course. — {To himself.) What a difference between him and old Greenfinch ! Jasp. That's right! Your hand! Here's your health ! {DrinJcs.) Adol. Thank you ! Yours 1 {Drinks.) O, by Jove, it's tremen- dously strong ! Jasp. Nonsense ; it wants more brandy. How old are you ? Adol. Eighteen. Jasp. Who are your acquaintances ? How many friends have you got? Adol. O, lots ! Twelve or fourteen. Jasp. I mean intimates — bricks — true friends ! * 18 A r.ACHELOR OF Ar.TS. [ACT I. Adol. O ! only two. Jasp. Only two ! you lucky dog ! Why, I'm ten years older than you, and I've never yet met with one. Adol. That may be ; but, I assure you, I Jasp, Of course ; you're especially favored. Who are they ? Adol. One is young Lascelles ; he's only twenty-three ! He's ■worth three thousand a year, and spends every farthing of it ! He's a regular brick ; I'd trust him with my life ! Jasp. Stop ! How much pocket money does your father allow you ? Adol. "Well, a couple of sovereigns a week. Jasp. A hundred a year ! And you make a friend of a man who spends three thousand ! That's what I call an impossible friendship. Adol. (Astonished.) How so ? Jasp. Either you are a partaker of his pleasures or you arc not. If you are, he must pay for you, and that's humiliating ; or you must get into debt, and that's dangerous. — If you are not, you envy him in spite of all you can do, and there's but one step from envy to hatred ; they're next door neighbors all the world over ; that's one friend you must give up. Go on to the friend number two. Adol. The other is Mr. Adderly. Jasp. Ah ! I know hiin ; he hasn't a penny ! Adol. Well, then Jasp. Not at all. He's as much too poor as the other is too rich. The position exactly reversed. He has borrowed money of you, hasn't he : Adol. Yes — a mere trifle ! Jasp. I was sure of it ! Xow we'll pass to the feminine gender. Adol. The feminine gender ! Jasp. Yes ! I suppose a good looking fellow like you has got two or three s^^'eethearts at least. Adol. No ; only one ! Jasp. Indeed ! — (Aside.^ So much the better ! Adol. Only one, I assure you, and I love her dearly ! I adore her ! Jasp. Here's your health ! (Sips.') What's her name r Adol. You'll promise not to tell r Jasp. Of course ! Adol. Arabella Mountstewart ! It's a beautiful name, isn't it ? Jasp. Lovely ! Adol. Do you know her ? Jasp. ( Coughs.) No. Adol. Then you don't know the sweetest girl in all England — as handsome as an angel, and virtue itself ! Jasp. Of course ! Here's your health ! (Drinks.) Adol. It was my friend Adderly who introduced me to her, and I've sworn to marry her. O, I'm the happiest of men ! Jasp. Of course ! Is she rich ? Adol. I think so. She keeps a brougham ! Jasp. Where docs her money come from r Adol. How should I know ? Jasp. And you drive out v>ith her ? Adol. Yes. SCENE I.] A BACHELOR OF ARTS. 19 Jasp. Go to the theatres ^vith her somethnes? Adol. Yes — as often as I can steal away — and I'm so proud of seeing every body admixe her ! Jas2J. Of course ! 1 understand ! It's very touching ! There's only one little inconvenience about it. The world is very unchari- table, my dear boy, and when people are rich without any ostensible means, other people are apt to inquire from what source such riches are obtained. Broughams are very pleasant things, but they cost money. Now, as yo it don't pay for this one — " Who does?" This is a question, depend upon it, that is being generally asked as you drive along, by the very people whom you think are admiring her and envying you. Adol. O, but that's abominable ! (^Both rise.) Jasp. Well, it's not very agreeable. But no matter when one's satisfied with one's self. Adol. {SL'riousli/.) That is not enough, sir ; and the opinion of the world matters very much. No man can feel satisfied with himself, unless he can look the world in the face, and defy it to cast a slur upon his honor or his good conduct. • Jasp. (^Aside.) That's a fine fellow ! I shall make a man of him in no time ! Enter Matthew, with a letter on a salver, c. d. l. h. Mat. Master Adolphus, your papa is ready to go, and wants to bid you good by. He can't wait. Adol. Very well. I'm coming, I'm coming. {Exit hastily, c. d. l. ii. ) Jasp. Stay ; he promised before he went Mat. {Gives letter.') Master told me to give you this. {Exit, c. D. L. n.) Jasp. This, then, is the key to the mystery. The joke will now be explained ; for this letter, no doubt, explains his extraordinary be- havior towards me. {Opens letter.) What do I see! my father's hand! {Beads.) " M>/ dear old friend," — his old friend! — Mr. Thornton the old friend of my father ! — "come to me if you can. I am old, and helpless, and have a matter of importance to consult yoii upon ; you are the only being in the icorld ichose advice I can ask ; I had' a son, who should have been the comfort of his aged father. Alas ! I need not tell you he has 7nade his life one long period of misery and dis- appointment. Should you encounter him, for the sake of his heart- broken pai'ent, extend a saving hand to the prodigal. If his honor and integrity are not already irretrievably gone, as well as his fortune and filial affection, try and place him once more in the right jmth — give him another chance, for the sake of your old friend, and may Heaven grant he may not abuse your kindness. Yoicrs, Jonx Jasi'KK." I understand all; I will not abuse it. I accept the proffered hand, and I will retrieve the honor of my name. As to my father — my jjoor father ! {He bursts into tears, sinks into a chair at the table on E. n.) Quick Drop. i:.\U OF ACT I. 20 A BACHELOR OF ARTS. [ACT II. ACT II. Scene I. — Drawinc; roqm in Thornton's House, 3 and 5 g. Fire- place loith fire, fire irons, rng, chimney ornaments, 7nirror, <5|C., on r. h. 2 E. ; set door, L. h. 2 e. ; c. d. ojwn, backed by chamber; chandeliers doion and lighted, 2 and 4 G. ; set doors, R. and l. h. 3 E. Matthew discovered loarming his hands at fire ; other Ser- vants are seen in other rooms. Mat. (^To Servants.) Come, get on, or we shall have the com- pany here before we are ready to receive them. Come, that's all right ! The candles are all lighted, carpets are all up, seats are all set. (^All sit and fail themselves.) This tutor's gave us enough trouble for the last six weeks, I think ! Mondays a supper, Tuesdays a dinner, Wednesdays a lunch, Thursdays a breakfast, Fridays a soiree — there only -wanted a ball to complete it, and here we've got it! He says he does all this to form his pupil — I call it Reforming him ! Then, how he treats us ! — how he makes us trot about, and, after all, he's paid like we are — he's only a servant like any of us ! ^^ All. No more he isn't ! Mat. I shall tell him a bit o' my mind ; I shall ! All. And so shall I ! Mat. Pie shan't fancy I'm afeard on Mm ! All. No, he shan't ! 1st. Sen-ant. Hush ! here he comes. (^AU rise with respeclfal attitudes.) Enter Jasper, c. d. l. h. Jasp. (Aside.) So ! I have arranged with Miss Arabella Mount- stewart, who consents to second me in every thing. Matthew ! Mat. Yes, sir ! Jasp. Is all ready ? Mat. Yes, sir ! {Goiny off, c. D. l. h.) Jasp. The ices ordered ? Mat. Yes, sir ! (.4s before.) Jasp. Matthew ! , Mat. Yes, sir ! (^As bfore.) Jasp. Did you take the invitation card yourself to Mr. Andrew Wylie? Mat. Yes, sir ! {As before.) Jasp. Matthew ! Mat. (Sulkily.) Well, what is it ? Jasp. (c.) Eh! is that the way you answer ? 3Iat. {Frightened.) No, sir ! Jasp. Put a smile on your lips, Mr. ilatthew ! Mat. Yes, sir ! but Jasp. A smile, quick ! Ah, that Avill do ; now get out ! Mat. {Aside, going.) O, if I didn't know the weight of his fist Jasp. Eh ! what's that r SCENE I.] A BACHELOR OF ARTS. 21 Mat. Nothing — nothing, sir! {^BoUinj off, c. l. h.) Jasp. Away with you all ! {Exeunt other Servants, c. l. h.) Every thing's in proper train. Mr. Thornton will return in a few hour?, and to-morrow I break my staff, and resign my office. To- morrow, then, I leave this house — leave Emma ! dear, innocent, amiable girl ! the separation will be a cruel one. But. heyday, what am I thinking of? The tutor's forgetting himself, I'm afraid. Come, come, Mr. Jasper, a few hours' courage, and your task is accomplished. Here is my pupil. Have at you, my young friend. Enter Adolphus, c. d. l. h. Adol. {Aside.) It must have been she — and yet — it's im- possible ! Jasp. What's the matter ? Adol. Nothing ! I was looking out of the window just now, when I thought I saw a female leave the house ; I could almost have sworn it was Arabella. Jasp. Covild you really ? Well I shouldn't wonder if you could. It was Arabella ! Adol. What ! she here, at my father's ? Jasp. She came to see me. Adol. Do you know her then ? Jasp. Rather ! Adol. You do ? why, when I spoke to you about her, you ap- peared to be unacquainted even with her name ! Jasp. Because she had changed it. Adol. Changed it. Jasp. O, yes ! a year ago she was called Georgiana Glentilt. Adol. Impossible ! But what was she doing here ? Jasp. She came to intrust me with a little message. Adol. For me ? Jasp. {Laughing.) For you? no! Now, do you think that her head is occupied with nobody but you ? Adol. Jasper, don't keep me on the rack in this way ; tell me at once all you know ! Jasp. About Arabella ? My dear boy, it would take me a week. Adol. Then she is deceiving me. (Jasper nods assent.) When a man asserts such things, he should be prepared to prove them. Jasp. O, there's no difficulty in that ; but if I give you proof, will you jDromise that you'll never see her again? Aciol. Never ! I swear it ! Jasj). And you'll marry your cousin, as your father wishes ? Ad3l. Never ! I mean directly ! Jasp. Well, read that. {Gives note.) Adol. {Reading.) " Dolly Thornton is boxed up for the night ; there's a ball at his father's ; I shall expect you between eleven and twelve." Signed Arabella. And addressed to Frederick Adderly, my most intimate friend. O ! it's infamous ! Jasp. Now, my dear lad, listen to reason. — Adderly's a young scamp ; I told you so when we first met. 22 A BACHELOR OP ARTS. [ACT II. Adol. Jasper, I have pledged my -word I'll never see Arabella again ! I'll marry my cousin if my father wishes it ; I promised that too ; but I have not made any promise with regard to this scoundrel Adderly, and he shall pay dearly for his villany. (^ExU hastily, c. d. l. h.) Jasp. Stay, stay ! But perhaps it is better that his grief should exhaust itself in anger rather than in regret ; it's sooner over ; be- sides, he can't fight before to-morrow, and between this and then there will be time enough for me to But Wylie is somewhat late. (L. c.) Enter Emma, in ball dress, d. e. h. 3 e. Emma here ! how nice she looks ! Emma. (R. c.) Good evening, Mr. Jasper ! Jasp. {Aside.) Now, Mr. Jasper, keep up your character as tutor ! — (To her.) Ready so soon ! Emma. O, yes. I Jasp. But I forgot. When there's a ball in question, I fancy children would willingly begin to dress for it at five o'clock in the morning. Emma. Children ! I'm seventeen, sir ! Jasp. Xo ! Are you, though ? They were saying the other day at Mrs. Singleton's that you didn't look more than thirteen. There was a compliment for you ! Emma. I can't say I think so. Do you think I only look thirteen ? Jasp. Me ? O, no ! I offered to lay a wager that you were four- teen — I should have lost. Emma. Very well, sir ! If this is the way you treat me, I shall return to my own room. Jasp. O, no; pray (^Checks himself.) You came here to speak to me ? Emma. I came to ask you how you liked my dress. But - Jasp. Your dress ? Well, it isn't bad — rather pastoral, perhaps. Emma. Then you don't like it ? Jasp. O, yes, 1 do ; but I am not fond of white. Do j-ou recollect how pretty Miss ilowbray looked the other night — in apple green, with red roses, and a yellow turban ? Emma. AVhat ! Did you like (^Aside.) I could cry with vexation ! Jasp. (Aside.) Poor little dear ! — (^To her.) Is that all you had to ask me ? Emma. No ! Only now I'm afraid of you — now that you think I look so ugly. Jasp. Ugly! {Resuming coolness.) Never mind that ; goon! Emma. Eh ! well, I don't mind. I came, then, to remind you, sir, that you had quite forgotten to ask my hand for even one dance ! I've brought you my list of engagements. {Handing list.) Jasp. It's quite full. Emma. O, no. There are several blanks. Jasp. Let's see. Number tv.-o, Mr. Smith ; four, Mr. William- son; six, Mr. Lascellcs, &c., &c. (Puis his name down, and returns the list.) There ; thank you. SCENE I.] A BACIinLOll OF AKTS. 23 Emma. Why, you've chosen numbci- twenty-four. Is umber one ■was vacant. /as/;. O, no ! Number one -would never do for your brother's tutor. Emma. There were plenty before twenty-four. Jasp. But you forgot, my dear Jliss Thornton, that I have the guests to welcome in the earlier part of the evening ; and so we must say number twenty-four. — (Aside.) What a brute of a fellow she must think me ! But no matter ; so much the better ! Enter Matthew, d. l. h. 3 e. Mat. Mr. Wylie has come, and is inquiring for you, sir. Jasj). Very well ; show him in here. (Exit, d. 3 e. l. h. — To Emma.) Will you excuse me for a few minutes ? Emma. O, certainh^ ! — (Aside.) Perhaps it is because I'm so badly dressed that he doesn't want to dance with me ! But no matter ; I'll soon alter that ! (Exit, e. h. 3 e. ) Jasp. Now for Mr. Andrew Wylie ! I've a stronger hand com- ing against me in my game with him ; but, with judgment and cau- tion, I think I know how to play it. Enter Wyxie, d, 3 e. l. ii. How do j'ou, my dear sir? Take a seat ! Wylie. I got your note and card of invitation this morning. Did you receive my message in return ? Jasp. That you wanted to see me — yes ! aboTit what ? Wylie. Merely to know if Iilr. Thornton had left any thing with you for me. Jasp. He has — a twenty pound note. He is in j-our debt, it appears. Wylie. It looks like it, or otherwise would he have (Showing money.) Jasp. Of course, of course ! But, entre nous, this is rather a sin- gular aifair. Wylie. How so? Jasp. I've gone carefully over his bills, and books, and other business papers during the last six weeks. Wijlie. AYell ? Jasp. And I find that, for ten years past, he has paid you twenty pounds every month, besides an additional sum of sixteeen hundred pounds, making in all four thousand. Wylie. Well ? Jasp. And yet you are the only creditor in regard to whom I can neither find an account nor a receipt ! Wylie. Well ? Jasp. Well, do you know the conclusion I have arrived at ? Wylie. I really don't ! Jasp. Th.at you are not only a great rascal, — which is not any new discovery, — but also a great fool, which does rather surprise me. 24 A BACHELOR OF AKTS. [aCT H. HTylU. (^Mildly.) I'm not very apt to take offence, as you know, Mr. Jasper ; but when one gentleman says sucli things as these to an- other gentleman Jasp. He generally gets knocked down. But when he says them to a person of your caste, he at all events ought to give his reasons for making use of such epithets ; is that what you mean r fVylie. Precisely. Jasp. "SVell, then, this is the view I take of the matter. Mr. Thornton owes Mr. WyUe nothing ; yet still the latter receives of the former a stated sum, at certain fixed periods ; therefore ilr. "Wylie is in possession of a certain talisman, or " whistle," by the aid of which he makes Mr. Thornton " sing " ! Is that clear, so far .- Wylie. As clear as quarter day ! Jasp. Xow, as I am quite tired of tutorship, and as it is high time that I begin to think of settling myself in life, I propose to purchase this whistle of you ! Wylie. For what purpose r Jasp. I want to play a tune on it myself I Wylie. Nonsense I what use would two hundred and forty pounds a year be to you : for that's all it brings. Jasp. All I two hundred and forty pounds a year ! My dear fel- low, -nith such a force pump, I'd engage to drain the Bank of Eng- land dry in a twelvemonth ! Wylif. Yes, you're young and enterprising, and, besides, you've nothing to lose. But ■with me it's different ; I've a character to keep up, and I daren't go faster — I daren't launch out, however much I may ^ish it. Jasp. Exactly I Then sell me the "whistle," and let me make the most of it. Wylie. Hum ! (Scratching his Tiose.) Sell it you ? Jasp. Of course! Wylie. "VThat will you give r Jasp. That depends upon the material it is made of. Wylie. True I Nobody likes to buy a pig in a poke — at least I don't ! Jasp. If it's good I'll give you as much as you've received in the last ten years, including the sixteen hundred pounds. Wylie. I Mr. Thornton offered me that at the begiiming. But a sum of money is soon gone, whereas a snug little annuity lasts for life. Jasp. True ! But remember, twenty years' annuity will scarcely amount to the four thousand pounds I offer you ; besides, Mr. Thorn- ton is ten years older than he was. Wylie. (Consideriny.) True I Jas}}. And is getting very shaky ! Wylie. True again ! Jasp. And when he is gone, good by to your annuity ! His son would pitch you out of the window. Wylie. Do you think so r Jasp. I'm sure of it ! I know him well. He is a young devil ! Wylie. But when I've shown you this «' whistle," as you call it, suppose ycu should change your mind : rCIiXE 1.] A BACHELOR OF AETS. 25 Jasp. You'll be no worse off — you'll have it still. Wylie. True agaiu ! "Well, then, I'll tell you what it is ; it's — (examines the doors carefully, to see that no one is within hearing, then cjines down to Jasper) — it's a — forged bill of exchange ! Jasp. (Astonished.) "What! — of Mr. Thornton's : Wi/lie. No, of his father's — a thing done under very peculiar cir- cumstances ; you and I would hardly call it a crime. It was a gen- erous impulse ; but the law is severe, you know, and has hard names for every thing — shocking severe ! And although the old gent is dead, an exposure would naturally be very disagreeable to thefanuly. Jasp. I understand I I'll give you the four thousand for it. Wylie. Payable now r Jasp. Xo ! Wylie. When : and guaranteed by whom : Jasp. Guaranteed by nobody. But I'll give you my promissory note, payable — (aside) — when shall I say r I have it — payable (iii a whisper) the day after my maniage with Miss Thornton. Wylie. AVith ^liss Thornton I O, O I I smell a rat ! You make a swap with the father ; he gives you his daughter Avith a handsom.e fortune — you give him the " whistle " — eh : Jasp. Precisely so ! Wylie. Xot a bad scheme 1 You're a cunning dog I But stay — the old gent is very indulgent, and suppose the girl won't have you ? Jc^p. Emma : O, I've nothing to fear in that quarter. Wylie. Well, my dear Mr. Jasper, prove to me that Miss Emma is willing to become yoiu: wife — prove it to me, mind, and it's a bargain 1 Jasp. (Aside.) Prove it! How shall I manage that? I have it; there's no help for it, poor Emma! — (To him.) Agreed! (Rings bell.) Enter Matthew, d. l. h. 3 z. Tell your young mistress that I -wish to speak with her, if she pleases, immediately. (Exit Matthew, d. 3 e. ii. h.) Now, go into that room, (pointing to d. l. h. 2 e.,) leave the door ajar, aiad you shall soon hear enough to convince you. IFy/f'e. Hum ! (Scratching his nose.) Jasp. Eh ! your delicacy shrinks from such a stratagem r Wylie. O ! Lord bless you, it isn't that, only I've hit upon a better. Jasp. What is it : Wylie. You see, whenever it is possible, I always like to manage my business myself. Jasp. Do you suspect me r Wylie. My dear friend, I suspect every body ; so, if you please, I'll question the young lady, and you shall listen. Jasp. What I do you suppose "it hkely she'll open her heart to av stranger r Wylie. Leave that to me: I'll be delicate and prudent; and if she really loves jou, 111 defy her to hide it. Hark ! I hear a rustle of a petticoat — to vour post I 3 26 A BACHELOR OF ARTS. [ACT U. Jasp. "Well, I consent, but be careful ! Wylie. Never fear ! {^Exit Jasper, d. l. h., 2 e., leaving door open.) It will be a good spec for me — a very good spec ! Eiiter Emma, d. r. h. 3 e., in a bright silk dress, bird of paradise, SjC. (N. B. The dress must be a fashionable one, though unfit for a young girl.) Emma. (r. c, astonished.) ^Ir. Wylie ! Wxjlie, Yes, miss 1 Allow me to compliment you on your brilliant toilet ! Emma. Do you like it ? Yes — I don't think I look like a child in this. But Matthew told me that Mr. Jasper wished to speak with me. Wylie. So he did ; but his courage failed him at the pinch, and 80 he ran away. Emma. Ran away ! Do you know what he wanted with me ? Wylie. I believe it was to bid you good by. Emma. Is he going away, then ? Wylie. I think so ; and never coming back again ! Emma. Never coming back ? Wylie. Never ! Emma. For what reason? Wylie. I fancy he's unhappy. Emma. What about ? Wylie. Can't you guess ? Emma. No ! Wylie. Why, don't yoii know he's in love with you? Emma. {Delighted.) In love with me ! Well, that is the last think I expected ; why, he was always scolding me, and treated me like a child ; thought me ugly, and Wylie. Ah, that was to hide his love ! Emma. But why should he hide it ? Wylie. Well, I don't know ; perhaps he thought you'd be angry. Emma. Angry ! How could he be so foolish ? he ought to have known better ! {Alitiost crying.) Wylie. Do you wish him to stay then ? Emma. Do I wish it ? of course I wish it ! What a question ! Wylie. But he'll love you still more if he does. Emma. I hope he will. Wylie. But he hasn't a penny ; and if your father refuses his con- sent to your marriage, and turns him out of doors Emma. Ah, I wouldn't care a bit about that ; I'd be very ill, and papa woiild soon send for him back again. Wylie. Then you authorize me to tell Mr. Jasper Emma. O, no, no, no ! not for the world ! Enter Jasper, d. l. h. 2 e. Jasp. Certainly not ! it would be the height of impropriety j be- sides, there's no occasion. Emma. O Mr. Jasper ! listening ! This is too bad ! SCENE I.^ A BACHELOR OF AKTS. 27 Jasp, I couldn't avoid it. Emma. And do you refuse to dance the first quadrille witli me now? Jasp. (c.) No ; but I accept on one condition. Emma. O, very -well ; what is it ? Jasp. {^Smiling.') That you put on your other dress again. Emma. {Delighted.) Ah! it did look better, didn't it? I thought so all the time. Jasp. Then why did you change it ? Emma. There's a question ! It was to please you, sir ! But never mind, I'll soon be back. {Exit gayhj, d. 3 e. l. h.) Jasp. Poor little soul ! And to think that I must break that guileless heart, too ! — {To Wylie.) "Well, are you satisfied ? Wylie. Perfectly ! Jasp. Tlien let us lose no time. {Sits at table, c.) Wylie, {Taking out pocket book.) Stay — we must have a stamp. Jasp. True ! (Wylie sits opposite Jasper, giving him a bill stamp.) Wylie. For the stamp. (Jasper gives him money.) Thank ye. Write it carefully. Jasp. ( Writing.) " One day after my marriage vnth Miss Emma Thornton, I promise to pay Mr. Andrew Wylie the simi of four thou- sand pounds." Wylie. Write that at length — no figures. Jasp. " Four thousand pounds, for value received. — Henry Jas- per." There ! Wylie. What a beautiful thing calligraphj- is ! {Aside.) Jasp. Hark ! the guests are arriving — make haste ! Wylie. {Giving bill.) There's your sword ! Jasp. And there's your shield ! {Giving stamp.) Wylie. { With satisfaction.) Ah ! Jasp. Ah ! decidedly, my dear friend, you're a fool ! Wylie. {Alarmed.) Eh ? Jasp. A great fool. Wylie. How ? Jasp. You'll see, all in good time. Ha, ha ! ha ! {Exit c. d. l. h.) Wylie. A fool ! O, he means that I ought to have made more of it — and so I ought ! I'm good-natured, and people impose on me, and then laugh at me afterwards. But it's a very good spec, though, for all that. {Exit, d. l. h. 3 e.) Enter Adderly and Mrs. Thorxtox, d. r. h. 3 e. Add. My dear Mrs. Thornton, I must have one word with you alone. (Mrs. Thorxtox sits by fire, R. Adderly stands before it, c, leaning his arm on the majitel-piece. Jasper appears, c. d., and watches them.) Mrs. T. Mr. Adderly, I don't understand you. Add. Promise me that you will return to this apartment after you have welcomed your guests, and I will explain myself, without disguise. '28 A BACHELOR OF ARTS. [ACT II. Mrs. T. Well, I consent, for I require an explanation also of the extraordinary note I have received from you. Add. Have you deigned to read it, then ? Mrs. T. I have, sir ; and when I come back I intend to scold you •well. Meantime, remam in this room ; I'll rejoin j'ou directlj'. Jasp. So, so ! An appointment, eh ? {Exit, c. d. l. h.) Add. I shall await your return with the utmost impatience. {Exit Mrs. Thornton, d. 3 e. r. h.) Reenter Jasper, c. d. i. h. Jasp. (Aside.) Now for a rubber with you, my friend. (To him.) Here's a letter that some lady has left for you, Adderly. Add. A letter ! {Opening it.) From Arabella ! Jasjo. Arabella ! Add. " Come to me between eleven and twelve." How the deuse shall I manage r I can' t cut myself in two ! Stay — I have it — you can arrange this for me. Jasp. How ? Add. Go to Arabella — tell her I'll be with her to-morrow. Any thing to keep her quiet ! Jasp. I'll do the best I can — but Add. Do do, my dear Jasper ; I shall be eternally obliged to you. Jasp. Don't mention it, old fellow ! Any thing to be agreeable. {Exit, C. D. L. H.) Add. Now I can wait my chamier's return at my ease. Enter Adolphus, d. 3 e. l. h. Adol. {Aside.) There he is. — {To him.) So, sir ! Add. Ah ! how are you, Dolly ? ( Offers his hand, which Adol- PHus refuses.) Why, what's the matter with you ? Adol. Nothing, sir. Add. " Sir ! " And refuse me your hand, too ! Adol. I never give my hand to people I despise. Add, {Astonished.) Eh ? Adol. I know all, sir ! Add. All what ? Adol. I know that you are expected at Heartsease Cottage to- night. Add. {Aside.) The deuse you do ! Adol. I know that you have behaved like a scoundrel ! Add. Sir ? Adol. Sir ! {Fiercely.) Enter Mrs. Thornton, d. 3 e. r. h. Mrs. T. Heyday ! What's the matter here ? Add. Nothing. A joke, which my friend Adolphus hasn't taken in good part. Adol. That's all. A harmless joke — nothing more ; and I find I SCENE I.] A BACHELOR OF ARTS. 29 ■was mistaken. — (^Aside to Adderly.) You and I must meet again, sir ! (Exit, D. 3 e. l. h.) Mrs. T. What does it all mean ? (Sits as before.) Add. A little harmless pleasantry — nothing of the slightest con- sequence. But to return to the subject of my little note Mrs. 2\ Exactly. What did it mean ? Add. Was it not clear ? The love I there expressed was of the purest, truest kind ! Mrs. T. That, jNIr. Adderly, you will allow me to doubt. While the audacity of such an avowal can only be excused by Add. By the ardor of my passion ! I swear to you, you are the only woman in the world who ever really touched my heart. (Mrs. Thorntox shakes her head.) You doubt me? Mrs. T. A little. Enter Matthew, d. 3 e. l. h. Mat. (To Adderly.) A lady's below, inquiring for you, sir. Mrs. T. A lady, at this time of night ! Add. A lady for me ! You must be mistaken, Matthew ! Mat. No, I am not, sir. At least, she asked for Mr. Frederick Adderly. Adl. Impossible ! Mrs. T. Did she give her name? Mat. Yes, ma'am. Miss Arabella Mountstewart. Add. Arabella ! (Aside.) Mrs. T. You seem confused, sir. Add. I ? Not at all ! — only the astonishment — the surprise — Matthew, tell the lady, as I don't know her, and am particularly en- gaged, she must excuse me. ^lat. Yes, sir. (Going.) Add. (Rapidly aside to Matthew, slippin/j a sovereign into his hand.) Tell her I'll be with her in an hour. (Exit Matthew, d. 3 e. l, h.) Mrs. T. It is very strange ! Add. It is some mistake — or probably Master Adolphus has chosen to play oft' one of his boyish tricks on me, in revenge for the little joke I passed on him just now. Enter Mattheav, d. 3 e. L. h. Mat. Please, ma'am — Mrs. T. Well? Mat. The lady says, as Mr. Adderly won't see her, she'd like to speak with you. Mrs. T. "With me? But I'll see her. Add. You wouldn't think of such a thing ! A Avoman of that sort — a creature of no character — a Mrs. T. O, you do know her, then ? Add. Not at all, only Mrs. T. I will see her, sir. (Going.) 3 * 30 A BACHELOH OP ARTS. [ACT 11. Add. But pray reflect Mrs. T. I will reflect, sir. (Exit, D. 3 e. l. h.) Add. How, in the fiend's name, shall I get out of this scrape ? — (To Matthew.) You fool ! didn't you understand what I meant when I gave you a sovereign ? Mat. Yes, sir, perfectly ; but the lady gave me two ! {E.vit, D. 3 E. L. H.) Add. Go to the devil ! Perhaps there's still time to — {going rap- idly up, is met by Z ^.^veu, from c. d. l. h.) Jasp. Are you leaving us already ? Add. Eh ! You have not seen Ai'abella, then ? Jasp. {Coolly.) Yes, I have. Add. And why didn't you prevent her coming here? Jasp. Prevent her ! I brought her ! Add. What ! Jasp. It was I who brought her here ! Add. I don't imderstand Jasp. It is clear enough. You were making love to Mrs. Thorn- ton in her husband's absence. As he had confided the honor of his house to my charge, I thought it but just to enlighten the lady with regard to the true character of her admirer ; and, as Arabella seemed to me to combine all the requisites for eff'ecting this illumination, I turned her into a lamp and lighted her, and she's now with Mrs. Thornton, showing you up — emblazoning yom- history ! Add. My history ? Jasp. Exhibiting your promise of marriage to her, &c., &c. ; you're decidedly bowled out in that quarter, my dear Adderly. Add. I understand, sir. But I presume you do not for a moment imagine that I shall leave this impertinence unpunished. Jasp. !My dear fellow, I imagine nothing. Add. You will then hold yourself in readiness to give me Jasp. As many bullets in the thorax as you can possibly desire. Add. Then Ave meet again, sir, the day after to-morrow ? ,Tasp. And v;\\y not to-morrow ? Add. To-morrow I have a little affair already. Jasp, With whom, may I ask ? Add. With 3'our pupil. Jasp. With Adolphus ? !My dear fellow, I'm sorry to spoil sport, but that's impossible ! Add, What do you say, sir ? Jasp. I say that Adolphus is a mere boy ; I am his tutor, and, consequently, responsible for all his actions ; so )'ou see there's no rea- son why we should not exchange shots to-morrow. Add. You insist ? Jasp. I insist ! Add. So be it, then. At nine to-morrow I will call for you. Jasp. I shall be ready at half past eight. Add. And at half past nine, I shall have given you a lesson. Jasp. Unless at five minutes before the half hour I shall have given you one. Add. We shall see ! Jasp, We shall see I BCENB I.] A BACHELOR OF ARTS. 31 Enter Mattheav luitJi great-coat and hat, d. 3 E. L. H. Mat. {To Adderly.) Beg pardon, sir; Mrs. Thornton sends her compliments, and here's your great-coat and hat. Add. ( Taking them, enraged.) You shall yet be made to rue your treachery ! mark my words, sir ! {Exit, folloiced by Matthew, d. 3 e. l. h.) Jasp. That settles another of them. {With feeling.) Now, my poor Emma, your turn comes next ! Enter Wtlie, c. d. e. h., hurriedhj. Wylie. O, here 3'ou are ! Jasp. What's the matter ? {Affecting slight intoxication.) Wylie. Your little intended is fidgetting dreadfully at your ab- sence. You couldn't treat her more cavalierly if you had been mar- ried a month. Jasp. {Laughing.) Patience, my dear friend! I'm going to pay my court directly. Fred Adderly would make me drink a glass or two of champagne ; but now I'm ready. Wylie. That's right ! And I say, pitch it strong ! make love in yoiir very best style, now ! Jasp. Shall I r well, I will ! you shall see ! I'll astonish you, old fellow ! {Exit gnyly, c. d. r. h.) Wylie. {Solus.) Aha! the scheme works well! In a month they'll be married, and in a month and a day I touch the four thou- sand pounds ; he's in first-rate health, and not likely to die in the interim. Stay ! a good thought ! I'll go and insure his life to-mor- row morning ! I see no obstacle — the father must consent, the daugh- ter does consent, I consent, Jasper consents ! But suppose he re- tracts ! Pshaw ! I'm a fool to dream of such a thing ! Refuse to marry a lovely girl with a large fortune, and he not A\orth a penny in the world ! Impossible ! Enter Jasper, c. d. e. h., with glass of wine in his hand, feigning drunkenness. Jasp. Aha ! there's that stupid old Daddy "SVylic ! Wylie. Eh ? why, what's the matter with you r Jasp. Matter ! I don't know what's the matter. I've drank one glass of port, just to ^^■ash down the champagne, and it has — I think I'm muddled ! Wylie. With one glass of wine ? Avhcn I have seen you take three bottles at a sitting ! to be sure, port upon champagne is Jasp. Ah ! isn't it r yes — sometimes one can — and sometimes one can't — it all depends upon the state of the system. Don't wiggle-waggle about so. Daddy Wylie ! Wylie. i? Jasp. Yes ; j'ou're swinging and staggering about, and it makes my head ache ! Wylie. It is not me — it's you ! 32 A BACHELOR OF AETS. [ACT II Jasp. I ? — I'm tipsy, then ! — that's ^vhat they'll say next, I s'pose. (^Laughing) Wylie. Tipsy ! — impossible ! Jasp. Mr. Andrew AVy lie, I assixre you that I'm drunk. (^With sobriety.) Wylte. {Astonished.') Eh ? — there ! — there ! — you're not, you see ! Jasp. {Resuming tipsiness.) Ain't I thou2;h, really ? Wylie. Now you're begimiing again ! — O, come ! — this is all a joke. Jasp. {In jiatural voice.') Not a bit of it ! — your health ! {Loud- ly.) Hip I — hip! — hip! — hurrah! {Shaking glass.) Wylie. Hush ! — you had better get into your own room before any body Jasp. I can't. I've got to open the ball with the young lady of the house ! Wylie. But, you unhappy creature, if you go in this state, it ■v\'ill upset our marriage altogether. Jasp. Don't you see, dear Andrew, it'll prove her ! Wyli£. Prove her ? Jasp. Yes ; if she dances with me tipsy, she loves me. If she gets angry, and don't, she doesn't love me; and Harry Jasper's wife must adore him ; so I'll go and dance. Wylie. But I won't allow you ! — suppose she takes offence? Jasp. Then I'll marry some one else, Andrew. Wylie. Somebody else ! But my promissorj' note is payable the day after your marriage with Miss Emma Thornton, and not vi-ith any body else ! Jasp. I can't marry a woman who don't love me, Daddy Wylie. Wylie. Stuff! what has love to do with it ? Jasp. Do you want me to be unhappy for life, Andrew ? Wylie. I want my four thousand pounds. Jcisj}. "Well, you shall have it, if she perseveres, Wylie. Wylie. But if she don't r Jasp. Then you can't have it, Andrew ! Wylie. O ! — {To himseff.) This is a honid trap ! Jasp. {Laughing.) I told vou vou were an old fcol, daddy, now didn't I? Wylie. Now, Jasper, my dear Jasper, do go to your own room ; in the name of all that's honorable Jasp. Honorable ! Now, don't talk of -what you know nothing about ! Wylie. Well, in the name of all that's friendly — for you know I am your friend Jasp. Don't insult me, Mr. Wylie ! Wylie. But Jasper — my dear Jaspier ! Enter Adolphus, Emma, and !Mrs. Thorxtox, c. d. l. h. O ! it's all over with me ! Adol. (l., gay/y.) Come, Jasper, you forget that you're engaged for the first dance to niy sister, and that I am your vis-a-vis. SCENE I.] A BACIIELOK, OF ARTS. ' 33 Jasp. (r. c.) Not at all; I'm looking for my partner. Emma. (l. c, eacjerly.') Here I am ! Jasp. O, very well ! ( Taking her hand.') Come along ! Emma. Mercy upon me ! what's the matter with you ? • Jasp. With me ? — nothing! {Staggers.) Emma. Good gracious,. Adolphus ! look ! Mr. Jasper can scarce- ly stand ! • Adol. {With interest.) Are you ill, Jasper ? It is the heat of the room, perhaps. Wylie. {Eagerly.) Yes — yes — it is the heat of the room — he told me so just now. Jasp. That's a taradiddle, daddy ! — It's this old scamp, Andrew Wylie, made me drink the port wine after the champagne. Adol. ^ Emma. > What ! Mrs. T. ) Wylie. Me ! Jasp. {To Adolphus.) You know I told you to beware of port, especially after champagne. I'll go and have some claret to carry it off! {Taking a step or two.) Adol. {Detaining him.) Nay, sir ! — Emma. O ! this is frightful ! Mrs. T. Scandalous ! Wylie. I'm ruined ! My dear madam, we all have our little weaknesses ! — {To Emma.) I'm sure he'll make you a capital hus- band, ISIiss Emma — I'd give him my own daughter with pleasure, if I had one — but I haven't ! Mrs. T. You are mad, sir ! (Wylie sinks into a chair.) Jasp. Well — come along — let's go and dance ! Adol. Jasper ! {Detaining him.^ Jasp. I've a right to my dance — I will have my dance ! Adol. I beg, sir, that you will retire to your own apartment. Jasp. And sui:)pose I won't ? Adol. Here! {Calling.) Matthew! Joseph! Henry! {Enter Servants, d. 3 e. l. ii.) Conduct Mr. Jasper instantly to his own room ! Jasp. {Seizing a chair.) The first man who advances I'll blow his brains out ! {The Servants recoil.) Enter Thornton, d. 3 e. l. h. Emma. {Going to him.) Ah ! my dear papa ! {Embrace.) Jasp. {Surprised, nnintetitionally at the rtioment forgetting his as- sumed tipsincss.) Mr. Thornton ! {Instantly recollecting himself and reasxumiiig inebriety.) Mr. Thornton ! Tableau ! Blue fire ! Wylie. There only wanted that to complete it ! {To himself.) Enter IMattuew, d. 3 e. l. ii. Mat. {Aside to Wylie.) Mr. Adderly wishes to spealc to you di- rectly, sir. Sft A. BACESXjOK 07 ^Bld. [ACT H. WyKe. (Gmm^.) What the deril does he irantr Somctlung ficsh, I suppose. {Ejcit, d. 3 e. i. h.) Jtap. Tberev go and ki^ tout daddy ! nortu I had hoped, Sir. Jaqier, that in making the appeal vrhich I did to joor loTaltr and good lieeUng, I should be awaking some sen' timents of honor and filial duty in yonr heait. Jasp. ( To Adoi>) Do you hear this, young man r Thorm. I vas mistakeii. You have dLsgiaccfully violated your trust ! I confided the care of my house to you as a Mend — I drive yon from it as I dianld a lackey ! Jaap. Sr r Slant. Begone, sir ! Emama. (JLude-S O Hearen ! Jasp. {StiUfoffiUmg tM^rietjf.) Mr. Thornton, I dxm't think I hare TiolaXed my trust, thoo^ I may have violated the laws of tem- perance and good breeding. — (7b £Joljl.) But it was with no had intention, miss. — (^Resmmiiuf sobrietgJ) It was with no bad intention, beiieTeme! Thorn. (^Aatoiusied.') 'What doe he say r Jayt. I say, I think m go and pack up my portmanteau. (Eri/, D. L. H. 2 E.) TJkor*. What a foci I was to confide my son to the care of this inetidied creature ! AdoL (B.) Mt dear lather. I am rgoiced that yon have returned. If my past conduct has caused you uneasiness, I beseech you to for- gave me. You wished me to many my couan Isabella — I refused, but if you still wish it, I will not oppose your d^ires. Thoru. (c, ddiyiitd,} My dear Adolphus — a change like this Emuma. (l. c^, rt^rainiM^ her, tear*.') And I, papa, will obey you also. I didn't like Mr. Yillais whfaa you fiist pst^osed him, but I do now, and I am ready to become Ins wife to-mcHTow, if you Tkorm. My darling ^ai, yon can't ccradfciTe the pleasure you give me : for, £tom the tone c£ your lettos, I had feared Emmtu Feared what, p^n t Tkonu Nothing, nothing ! Thanks, my dear children — you have made your &ther very, Tczy happy ! Eater "Wytni, d. 3 z. i. h. But I have a little bnsmes to transact with Mr. Wylie, and 111 le- joinyoa shortly. Emma. It will break my heart, bat I don't care ! {Exit letth AimuHCS, c. n. b. h.) Thorn. Xow, Mr. Wyhe, I have to ^peak to you about two im- portant matteis. first, ^th r^;ard to my son and daughter, who are both about to be married Toy shcRtly. I need net tell you that they cannot fiinn connections with families of unblemished honor, as ong as yon retain poGEes