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ST. PATRICK'S DAY 5 
 
 OR, A 
 
 TRAGICOCOMICO FAREWELL 
 
 TO 
 
 LORD M - A 
 
 BY 
 
 DR. M*LLS's GHOST!!! 
 
 f Take any shape but that.'* 
 
 MAC BUT H. 
 
 " See, my Lord, it comes." 
 
 HAHLBT. 
 " I do remember an Apothecary." 
 
 LONDON: 
 PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY J. MORTON, 373, STRANDr 
 
 1819. 
 

 - 
 
THE ARGUMENT. 
 
 Saint Patrick, the God of Irishmen's Idolatry 
 Feast at the London Tavern A Grand Dinner 
 likened to Death " Begone Dull Care" A 
 Noble Earl Saint Paul's tolls One Banquet- 
 scene, not in Macbeth An audible Speech to 
 an invisible Ghost The sight of Goblins spoils di- 
 gestion A Bell rung, and why A sudden Exit 
 Irish Patriots against a post A scene in St. 
 J s's Place A case of Doubt Two Com- 
 parisons " Darkness visible" A noble Earl's 
 Night-cap described A Scarecrow Don Quixote 
 A Ghost in a Wig A Speech, not made in the 
 
 H e of L rds Ghosts " should speak when 
 
 spoken to" Gaffer Thumb and Fanny of Cock-lane 
 Ghost's never " to tell tales out of school" 
 Truth's a Libel A curious scene, something be- 
 tween Tragedy, Comedy, and Farce A glass 
 broken An " Tjf '--Cock-crowing Conclusion. 
 
 M84840 
 

TRAG1CO-COMICO 
 
 FAREWELL, &<> 
 
 
 AT was on St. Patrick's Natal Day, 
 When Shamrocks look so green and gay ; 
 When Erin 's Sons, where e'er they rove, 
 Think on the land they dearly love, 
 And, as their sparkling glasses smile, 
 Drink blessings to " The Emerald Isle/"* 
 
 The London Tavern open threw 
 Its doors unto a motley crew ; 
 Where rich and poor, and high and low, 
 As to Earth's Heaven press'd to go : 
 
 * See a beautiful Poem, under the above title, by Mr. PHILLIPS. 
 
( 6 ) 
 
 A sort of heterogeneous jumble, 
 
 Into which any man might tumble, 
 
 Who chose that day to claim, by birth, 
 
 Ireland his " native nook of Earth." 
 
 Nobles ajid beggars elbowed there, 
 
 As in St. Bafllemy's full Fair ; 
 
 St< 'Jdmte trick 5 d out with scents and smiles, 
 
 Sat down to dinner with St. Giles ; 
 
 And many a Peer beside him reaches 
 
 To help the man who made his breeches.* 
 
 E'en Death itself, the Saint and Sinner, 
 
 Can't level more than a Grand Dinner ! 
 
 * It was at a former Anniversary of Saint Patrick, that a worth} 
 Irish Nobleman, thinking he had some recollection of the persor 
 that sat next him, politely requested his name, when the man, whc 
 happened to be his Lordship's Tailor, awkwardly whispered <( Mj 
 Lord, I made your Breeches :" " Oh ! Major Bridges ," cried hi; 
 Lordship, " I'm very glad to see you," and immediately shook th< 
 astonished Knight of the Thimble heartily by the hand, to the grea 1 
 diversion of those who knew his real character. 
 
( 7 ) 
 
 Around the festive table late, 
 Nobles and Gentk's jovial sate, 
 While wit and wine, and toast and song, 
 Drove care away and time along. 
 High on the Chair's right hand was plac'd 
 The EARL, with blushing honours* grac'd, 
 \Vhom Erin lov'd, in early youth. 
 To praise for Constancy and Truth, 
 But whose Ambition^ now full sail, 
 Upon his native land turns tail, 
 And careless of all pledges past, 
 On scorn'd Hibernia looks his last ! 
 
 
 
 Time's hour-glass now its round had run, 
 And grave St. Paul's had just tolPd One! 
 
 * JONIUS somewhere speaks of the " blushing Honours" of Sir 
 WM. DRAPER, a Hero, who, like a certain Nobleman of the pre- 
 sent day, ventured, with chivalrous gallantry, to volunteer his services 
 in defence of his Patron, and, like the snine Noble Personage, con- 
 cluded his adventure by bringing disgrace on his own character, and 
 casting doubts on that which he had sallied forth to vindicate. 
 
The waiters all had left the room, 
 
 And candles 'gan to feel a gloom, 
 
 While many a Thief* in lofty station, 
 
 Was seen committing Peculation ! 
 
 When M A cried, " Can such things be ! "\ 
 
 What in the D J s name do I see ?" 
 
 " Pray what ?" Cried all the Company ; 
 
 For they saw nothing but themselves 
 
 A set of merry-making elves, 
 
 Brim full of wine and void of trouble, 
 
 Who nothing saw, or else saw double ; 
 
 Some on the table and some under, 
 
 But nought to move their " special wonder/* 
 
 M - A more disordered grew 
 His stock look'd black, his beard look'd blue \ 
 His epaulets all shook with gold, 
 His eye-balls in their sockets rolled, 
 
( 9 ) 
 
 And like our Somersetshire friend,* 
 
 " His hair" good Lord ! " stood all on end!" 
 
 " Come like the Russian Bear," he cried, 
 
 \ 
 
 " And thou shalt boldly be defied ; 
 
 " Come like a Bull -a Dog a Cat, 
 
 " Take any any form but that /"| 
 
 " What form, my Lord ?" the Tories cry," 
 
 " What form, my Lord ?" the Whigs reply ; 
 
 But he, not heeding their quandary, 
 
 Exclaims " Out, vile Apothecary ! 
 
 " Shake not thy powder* d wig at me, Sir ; 
 
 " For if thou dost, by GEORGE, d'ye see, Sir, 
 
 " Before Conant I'll have thee taken, 
 
 " Nor shall the P- -ss save thy bacon ! 
 
 Mr. LETHBRIDGE, late Member for Somerset. 
 
 f The sharp-sighted Critics of the North may probably find * 
 strong resemblance between his Lordship's spetch and that of Max> 
 bcth, on a similar occasion. 
 
" Better unto thy pestle stick, 
 
 " Or beat thy mortar for Old Nick ! 
 
 tc Hence, thou weak, wretched, whey-fac'd varlefr, 
 
 " Who fear'd to swear against a h 1 : 
 
 " Scroples of conscience a fine story, 
 
 " Off, Doctor, off to Purgatory ! 
 
 cc There may the D 1 daily purge'e, 
 
 " Without the Benefit of Clergy, 
 
 * c Whilst thou shalt hourly cry peceavi, 
 
 <c With not a single Mass * to save'e ! 
 
 * " Pxrgatory is said to be between the centre-of the Earth and 
 its swperfices. One of tlhc greatest torments of the Souls in Purga- 
 tory is said to be in steao^ their fr rends and relations on earth spend- 
 ing their money in foUics and luxuries , which should buy Masses for 
 tfecir repose. The iieat of tibe fire in this imaginary place has been 
 frequently rcgtalbted ; it JbasHseeni made higher or lower, as the Priests 
 stood in need of bettor wages for the Mass. The fire has been 
 usually judged at engfet degrees;, being double that which they give 
 out as the heat of Heffl, the latrter having been fixed at four degrees. 
 Pnirgatosy is said tocfmtaaai * Eight Apartments,* suitable to the 
 dnTaret ramksof fthas world. Souls are prayed out of one apartment 
 into anoShcr; and what is more curious, some good Catholics will pay 
 
( 11 ) 
 
 " Away, Sir, without further question, 
 
 " Nor dare to spoil a Lord's digestion ! 
 
 '" Hence, thou vile mummy quit my sight, Sir ; 
 
 " Or take an oath that black is while. Sir ! 
 
 " Thank GOD, he's gone my dread and bane, 
 
 " And M A is himself again !" 
 
 The Party with amazement heard, 
 But could not understand one word ; 
 What he had seen they could not tell, 
 For they saw nothing but the bell, 
 Which now his Lordship fiercely rung, 
 And from him then impatient flung : 
 
 to get them out of the Beggar's one degree of heat, into the Mer- 
 chant's intenser fire, merely for the sake of giving them better com- 
 pany. The Pope is a kind of Governor, and Priests are his Quarter- 
 Masters, who billet the Souls according to the terms of payment.- 
 One Mass empties Purgatory of its club of Souls, and another forces 
 them back, or by a pretended vision, declares that they had never 
 
 escaped." 
 
 Extract from a curious Article on the " Catholic Claims," 
 
 in theSoNDJr H&nisrr, of Feb. 28, 1813." 
 
( 13 ) 
 
 The waiters come be silence breaks, 
 And thus, in solemn accents, speaks : 
 " Order my carriage !" instantly, 
 At his high bidding, lo ! they fly. 
 
 Down stairs his Lordship slowly goes, 
 Following, as Statesmen should, his nose ; 
 (For Statesmen as the world well knows, Sir, 
 Are led for th'most part by the nose, Sir.) 
 Now see him in his carriage sitting, 
 With flambeaux all around him flitting ; 
 While rogues and drabs and demireps, 
 Are hankering about the steps ; 
 Smack goes the whip, round go the wheels, 
 And link-boys halloo at his heels ! 
 
 The Company now seem'd much shrunk, 
 Some fast-asleep, and some dead-drunk, 
 Some still their darling Saint were roaring, 
 While others thorough-bass were snoring. 
 
( 13 ) 
 
 Here Irish Patriots homeward reel, 
 Resolv'd to save the Common- weal ; 
 While, being Natives^ 'tis no wonder, 
 Their legs sometimes commit a blunder, 
 And as they of their valonr boast, 
 Break their own heads sgainst a post. 
 
 And now Lord M A, like a shot, 
 
 Home to St. James* s-P lace has got ; 
 
 There, as he gravely shakes his head 
 
 And waves his hand, he cries " To bed 1" 
 
 Himself, with solemn step and slow, 
 
 Unto his Lady's room did go : 
 
 As stripp'd he stands, he stands in doubt, 
 
 Whether to put the candle out ! 
 
 So Princely VOLSCIUS stood, I ween, 
 
 When doleful, doubtful, he was seen, 
 
 Whether 'twere best, for " Honour bright/' 
 
 To put the left boot on or right ? 
 
( 14 ) 
 
 And gallant CHATHAM, too, I guess, 
 Felt no less doubt no less distress, 
 When close to Flushing he was got, 
 And fearing he should go to pot, 
 Long doubtful stood, amidst the pother, 
 Whether to move this leg or t'other ! 
 
 At length plac'd by his trembling hands, 
 The taper in a corner stands, 
 And twinkling, throws around the room, 
 Just light enough to shew the gloom* ; 
 But yet, whatever folks may think, 
 His Lordship could not sleep a wink : 
 Whether in conscience or in belly, 
 His grievance lay, I cannot tell'e. 
 His eyes, at length, were almost closing, 
 And he had doubtless soon been dozing, 
 
 * His Lordship's bedchamber seems to have bore some resem* 
 blance to that of a certain Infernal Personage, which a great Poet 
 describes as Darkness Visible!" 
 
( IS ) 
 
 When in great terror and affright, 
 lie bolted in his bed upright. 
 His night-cap stuck one side awry, 
 Look'd like a child's clout hang to diy ; 
 His chitterlin all in disorder, 
 
 Seem'd as if he had done some murder! 
 With haggard eye and Ian thorn jaws, 
 
 He might have acted with applause, 
 That famous Hero of Romance 
 Knight of the Woeful Countenance/ 
 Or like a scarecrow, all forloru, 
 Might long have guarded fields of com : 
 At first glimpse of his Lordship's head, 
 The boldest sparrow would have fled, 
 
 Nor would the most undaunted cr&ws 
 
 . 
 
 Have dared to perch upon hi* nose ! 
 
 At his bed-foot a figure stood, 
 Which look'd not born of flesh and blood : 
 
( 16 ) 
 
 Its coat seem'd brown its waistcoat too- 
 Its breeches black its stockings blue ; 
 The likeness of a wig it wore, 
 And in its hand a pestle bore, 
 Which, ever and anon, it shook, 
 With an unutterable look ! 
 Then would it give a ghastly grin, 
 And (dreadful I) stroke its double-chin f 
 
 The Noble Earl, without conjecture, 
 Soon recogniz'd the self-same Spectre, 
 Which, at the Tavern, did so scare 
 His Lordship's noble head of hair! 
 
 The Earl was shiv'ring with the cold 
 But desperation made him bold ; 
 So he the horrid silence broke ; 
 (His teeth all chatt'ring as he spoke)- 
 
" Be thou a spirit of health J" quoth he, 
 
 " Or goblin damn d, Til speak to thee ! 
 
 " Com'st thou with Drops from Ileav'n, or Pills 
 
 " From Hell pray answer, Doctor M LLS ? 
 
 (For he had now found, to his cost, 
 
 That it was Doctor M~lls y s Ghost !) 
 
 " Why at this dread hour of the night, 
 
 " Dost thou thas fill me with affright ? 
 
 " Throw physic to the dogs ; for I, Sir, 
 
 " Sooner than drink a drop, would die, Sir : 
 
 " Lotion or Potion Gargle Glyster, 
 
 l^u 
 
 Pill Drop Draught Julap Bolus Blister,^ 
 <e Although you may, perhaps, think it odd, Sir, 
 " Til not touch one of 'em, by G , Sir! 
 " I've neither Dropsy, Gout, nor Phthisic, 
 " So d n you, Doctor, and your Physic !" 
 
 The Ghost then gave a dreadful groan, 
 And M A, answering with a moan. 
 
 o 
 B 
 
( 18 ) 
 
 Cried " Prythee, what's the matter now, Sir? 
 
 " Why, what a Quiz of a Ghost art thou, Sir? 
 
 " This mummery will never do, 
 
 " For Ghosts should speak, when spoken to ; 
 
 " And e'en the Ghost of Gaffer Thumb, 
 
 " Would sooner sing than stand quite dumb; 
 
 " And she, of Cock-lane, mischief-hatching, 
 
 " Would plainly speak her mind by scratching : 
 
 " So, Doctor, pray, resolve my doubt, Sir ; 
 
 " And tell me what thou'rt come about, Sir ! 
 
 List!" then exclaim' d the Ghost, Oh! list!" 
 (And here it shook it's bony fist, 
 While its lank jaws, with shakes and quaver 
 Rattled like marrow-bones and cleavers ;) 
 
 " A Tale, Sir, I could tell, would harrow 
 
 44 Up the dull soul of a wheel-barrow, 
 
 " And make it, with sad mournful twinges, 
 
 " To creak with horror on its hinges ! 
 
" But 'tis, you know, with Ghosts a rule, 
 
 " Never to tell tales out of School ; 
 
 " For he, who thus is once caught tripping, 
 
 " Is sure to get a cursed whipping ; 
 
 " And doom'd to some fresh task or pain, 
 
 " Cai/t get a holyday again ! 
 
 " Pluto's Attorney-Geu ral, rot him ! 
 
 " Would shake his wig, and soon be. at him ; 
 
 " While Lord Chief -Justice Minos, swearing, 
 
 " Would say such things there was no bearing ! 
 
 " For Truth's a Libel, you know well, Sir ; 
 
 " As 'tis on Earth, so 'tis in H 1, Sir ! 
 
 " Of that 110 more : now mark, my Lord, 
 
 " And listen, without saying a word. 
 
 " Dost thou remember not the day, 
 
 " When I thy summons did obey, 
 
 " And habited as I am now, 
 
 " At your own house first made my bow 2 
 
 * c With what attention was I treated ! 
 
 " With what politeness was I seated! 
 
 
( 20 ) 
 
 " Your Lordship smil'd, and smil'd, and smil'd, 
 
 " And look'd as harmless as a child : 
 
 " Then, with a simper, hop'cl, forsooth, 
 
 " That I would tell you the whole truth. 
 
 " The truth I told why should I fear it ? 
 
 4 But with what pain did you, Sir, hear it ! 
 
 <c Then for your Lawyer gravely went, 
 
 " To cross-examine me intent ; 
 
 " But L wt n*, learned in the Law, 
 
 " In my Reports could find no flaw, 
 
 46 Nor from my lips one falsehood draw ! 
 
 " Look, M A, look: nay, do not start, Sir; 
 
 " See what was passing in thy heart, Sir ! " 
 
 The Ghost then shew'd a magic-glass, 
 Where various figures seem'd to pass : 
 
 * A Lawyer well known in the Courts of the T mple t and who 
 is supposed to have more Female Clients than any ether Prattitioner 
 of that honourable profession. Some of our Readers may remember 
 bis name during the celebrated Investigation of a certain Royal Dukr, 
 in whose behalf he very kindly undertook to prove that one Parson 
 Williams (who gave some, unlucky testimony against his Illustrious 
 Patron), was out of his senses. 
 
21 ) 
 
 WESTMINSTER-HALL it look'd to be, 
 
 Fill'd with a mighty Company : 
 A LADY there stood at the Bar, 
 
 Whose face Earl M A glanc'd from far; 
 
 " Good God !" cried he, " and can it be ? 
 " Take it away I will not see." 
 
 "But see thou shalt," the Spectre said, 
 
 And M A felt an unknown dread! 
 
 The Magic- glass now turn'd anew, 
 
 And a high scaffold rose to view : 
 
 Again the LADY met his sight 
 Again he sh udder' d with affright, 
 And groan'd in dismal agony, 
 The Executioner to see ! 
 The block was ready and he stood, 
 Prepared to shed her R- -1 blood ! 
 
" Hold !" M A cried, and forward bent, 
 
 " Hold thy rash hand S/u's Innocent !" 
 
 The very instant that he spoke, 
 
 f 
 
 The Magic-glass to atoms broke ! 
 
 " What have I seen ?" he ask'd and sigh'd, 
 " What might have been," the Ghost replied, 
 
 " If but I hear the cocks a-c rowing 
 
 " Give \varning that 1 must be going ; 
 
 "But now, before I part from thee, 
 
 " Take my Advice without a Fee : 
 
 " Ne'er sell for gold what gold can't buy, 
 
 " Nor barter Truth for Treachery ; 
 
 " And as thou sitt'st in Eastern State, 
 
 " Beware CLIVE'S crimes and BASTING'S fate ! 
 
 " But lo ! thy Lady wakes, 1 see ; 
 
 " So now Farewell ! Remember me ! ! f 
 
 FINIS. 
 Printed by J. Morton , 272, Strand. 
 
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 BERKELEY 
 
 Return to desk from which borrowed. 
 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. 
 
 29Mar'638P 
 
 :C'D L.D 
 
 : 
 
 LD 21-100m-ll,'49(B7146sl6)476 
 
M84840 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY