Ki I mi i mi mDi
3AINn-3l\V
^<?Aav}ian-2^'^ ^^^Anvagiiis^"^
<ri]30NVS01^
mmo/:
,\\^EUNIVERi//,
<
CO
<rii30Nvsoi^^
^lOSAiSCELfj>
o ^
%J13AINn]WV^
^\^l■LIBRARYQr ^
^•{/OJIIVJJO'^ ^
CAIIFO/?^ ^
Jrtf I
^\^EUNIVERS/^
CO 7i I 1 —
<ril30NYS01^^
vvlOSANCELfX/
o
-<
^OfCAJJFO/?;^ ^
£>i ■3::
CI-
AIN(1]UV
-<
^^l■LIBRARYac. ^,^^lllBRARYQ^
^
30
^^\^EUNIVER^/^ ^
^TilJONVSOl^
iANCElfj>
so
-<
^OF-CAIIFO% ,^,OFCALIFO%,
.^WE■UNIVERS/^
vr
.^
%
=0 C
^^Awjjan-^^ "^yomnw^"^ %i3onvsoi^^ "^
BRARYQ/^
^\\E•UNIVER5•/^
■<.
cc
£9
^vWSANCElfj>
o ^
^;^ILIBRARYQ^ ^n>
"^/^aaAiNn-j^w^ ^.i/ojiivdjo-^ ^
:A[IFOfi>/^
^MEUNIVERV//
^vWSANGELfx^
vaaiH^ <rji30Nvsoi^^ "^/^ajAiNn-JWV
^OFCALIFO/?^
>
-<
>-
^lOSANCElfj>
^^ILIBRARYQ/:
%a3AiNn-3WV^ %oi\mi^'^
S^
OQ —
v>:lOSANCElfj>
^OFCAIIF0%
■<rii33NYsov'^ "^Aa^AiNn 3WV ^(JAavaani^
^.
ex;
-<
^^^UIBRARY^^ ^^ILIBRARY<9^
so
^
■so
^<!/0JllVJJO-^
AMEUNIVERiyA
^TilJONVSOl^''
o
c: <:
-<
^OfCAllFO/?^
o
.^
^OFCALIFO%
\<
AWEUNIVERSyA
OQ —
^<?AyvHan-^^^ ^^AavaaiH^ <rii]ONVsoi^'^
O
^ ^
40
,^WE•UNIVER5•/A
v>cWSANCElfj>
-<
'^Aa3AiNn3WV^
>^tLIBRARY(?/^
^^mmy\^
o
(JO
c-5 . s;
^^ME•UNIVER%
^
^lOSANCElfx^
O u_
^
<rii]Ofivsm^ %a3AiNn-3WV
ae.
^OFCAIIFO/?^
^<?Aavaan-i^
^OFC
^.
THE
BARNABYS IN AMERICA;
ADVENTURES
OF
THE WIDOW WEDDED.
MRS. TROLLOP E,
AUTHORESS OF
" THE WIDOW BARNABY," " THE VICAR OF WEEXHILL," &c.
IN THREE VOLS.
VOL. L
LONDON:
HENRY COLBURN, PUBLISHER;
GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET.
1843.
• • • . •
F • • t • t • •
c < ' e c
. , . . f • • • •
; * , .'
I
LONDON:
PRIXTED BV SCHULZK AXO CO., 13, POLAND STREET.
ILLUSTRATIONS, BY LEECH.
VOL. L
Page
Mine Hostess of New Orleans. . . Frontispiece.
Mrs. Barnaby commences her Work on Ame-
i4ca ........ 208
Mrs. Barnaby contemplating her dresses . . 242
VOL. IL
Mrs. Barnabv introduced to Mrs. Rachel Wil-
liams ..... Frontispiece.
Mrs. Barnaby reading her Work to the " free
and enlightened citizens." .... 42
VOL. HL
The Barnabys, after a successful Swindle
Frontispiece.
Patty's D^but ...... 58
The Major becomes a Saint . . . .219
The Rev. Mr. O'Donagough finds it difficult to
express his feelings 241
«=^
^^
'c^^^^^Z^ <:P'^^!Ck
X^/-£^
THE
BARNABYS IN AMERICA.
'CHAPTER I.
INTRODUCTORY.
The affections of the human heart are various;
all equally genuine, when nature is untampered
with, but infinitely modified as to their intensity.
The love of a parent for its offspring has been
acknowledged on all hands to be one of the
strongest, and least uncertain of these affections,
partaking so largely of instinct, as fairly to class
it among the immutable laws of nature, and
though certainly shared by the beasts which
perish, yet felt to be venerable from the- divinity
of the origin whence the common well-spring
rises. There is a modification, however, of this
parental love, which is wholly free from, and
VOL. I. B
2 THE BARNABYS
uiidegi'aded by any community either with the
beasts of the field, the fishes of the sea, the rep-
tiles which crawl upon the earth, or the birds
which fly towards the heavens — there is a pa-
rental love, so purely spiritual, so wholly intel-
lectual, as to place it in sublimity far above any
other affection of the human heart.
" What mav this be ?" demand the unini-
tiated. Unhappy ones ! Like a childless wife,
and a husband mthout an heir, ye are uncon-
scious of the fondest yearning that ever swelled
a human breast ! But is there an author who
does not at once secretely acknowledge his sym-
pathy in the feeling thus described ! Oh no !
not one.
Yet, elevated as is the nature of this intellec-
tual love, there be many who are shy to confess
it. Many, strange to say, who affect a total in-
difference, nay, almost obli\ion, concerning those
offsprings of the brain, for whom by every law,
human and di\'ine, they ought to feel the ten-
derest partiality. " Let no such men be trusted"
— it is doing them injustice to believe that they
can be sincere.
Far otherwise is it with the progenitor of the
IN AMERICA. 3
Widow Barnaby. I scruple not to confess that
with all her faults, and she has some, I love her
dearly : I owe her many mirthful moments^ and
the deeper pleasure still of believing that she has
brought mirthful moments to others also. Ho-
nestly avowing this to be the case, can any one
wonder, can any one blame me, for feeling an
affectionate longing at my heart to foUow her
upon 'the expedition upon which I sent her
when last we parted ? An expedition, too, that
was to lead her to a land which all tKe^world
knows I cherish in my memory with peculiar
delight? I wiU not believe it, but trusting to
the long-estabhshed, and good-humoured tole-
ration of those who descend to listen to my gos-
sipings, I \st11 forthwith proceed to tell them aU
that has happened to this dear excellent lady
since General Hubert and Mr. Stephenson left
her in her grand drawing-room in Curzon-street,
surrounded by her family and friends.
B 2
4 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER 11.
Domestic conversation — Public Announcement of a pri-
vate marriage — Indignation of the bride at a misnomer
— Scenes in the seclusion of Mr. O'Donagough's
library — Parental thoughts on marriage.
" I HAVE enjoyed that, Patty, and I won't
deny it," cried the ci-devant widow Barnaby, as
the above-named gentlemen quitted her drawing-
room. " Heaven knows I am not a spiteful
person, and I can forgive and forget as soon as
any body, but it was absolutely beyond nature
not to enjoy letting those two puifed-up-top-
sawyer fellows see that you had contrived to get
married, my dear, while the whey-faced Miss
Elizabeth was stiU a poor, pale, thin ghost of a
spinster, as I may say — for so she is, dearest,
compared to you."
" Oh, lor ! don't talk of her, mamma ! The
IN AMERICA. 5
very thought of her makes me sick — -if it don't,
I'll be hanged," replied Madame Espartero
Christinino Tornorino, giving a little shudder
and creeping still closer to her loving hus-
band, till her handsome face was half hid in
his bosom. " Oh, my goodness ! For how
much, I wonder, would I change places \^^th her ?"
" Not for a trifle, I have a notion, my dear,"
said her mother, laughing heartily ; " but I'd
give just sixpence to see how my conceited niece
Agnes looks, when she hears you are married.
I'd make an even bet that she won't believe it.
What will you lay me that she does not take it
for a joke of that gay chap Frederic Stephenson ?"
" No, no, she would if she could, I don't doubt
that, mamma, in the least," replied the bride ;
" but it is not so easy to do as to wish. I
suppose she will have some wedding-cake sent
her, won't she ?"
" I'U take care of that, my dear," said Miss
Louisa Perkins, nodding her head with a look of
great intelligence. " Your dear mamma has
given me a little hint about that business already,
and of course your own noble relations wiU come
first."
6 THE BARNABYS
" Oh, yes ! my darling creature !" exclaimed
Miss Matilda, with a stifled sigh, " we will aU
take care of that, depend upon it ; and do — oh,
do — my dearest, dearest Patty ! let me have the
tying up your name-cards together ! It will be
such a delight. If dear Mrs. O'Donagough wiU
just give me a shilling or two for it, I'U go out
and buy the silver twist for them this very mo-
ment. Oh !" vv'ith another sigh, " it wiU be
such a sweet office !"
" By the by, that is well thought of, Matilda,"
observed the fond and pro^'^dent mother. " Mercy
on me, Patty, now one comes to think of it, what
a whirl you have put us aU in, with this frolic of
yours — silver-twist is the least of it, MatUda !
There must be favours, just if we had been all
regularly at church together, you know. I am
not going to let the wedding of my only daughter
with a first-rate Spanish nobleman pass over as
if we were just common ordinary people, who had
never been to court, or distinguished in any way."
" Of course you won't !" exclaimed both the
Miss Perkinses in a breath, and Miss Ma-
tilda, confident in intimacy, added, " I am sure
you would be a fool if you did."
IN AMERICA. 7
"And then there is the sending it to the
papers you know, mamma," said Madame E.
C. Tornorino, with energy, " I do beg that may
not be forgotten."
" Mercy on me," cried her mother, " to think
that I should keep sitting here with such an
awful deal of business to do ! It is aU very
natural that you two should like to keep toge-
ther, 1;here, bUling and cooing like a pair of
wood-pigeons, but it will never do for us. My
dear Don Tornorino, will you just step down
into yoiu* father-in-law's library, and look for a
pen, and ink, and a sheet of paper, and then I
win give you leave to whisper to Patty till
dinner-time, if you like it."
The tall bridegroom rose from his place to
obey her, and using a little gentle violence to
disengage his coat-coUar from the fond grasp of
his affectionate bride, very respectfully pro-
nounced the words, " Yes, ma'am," and left the
room.
" Isn't he beautiful, mamma?" demanded
the young vdfe, as soon as he had disappeared.
" He is ten thousand million times handsomer
than Jack ever was or ever will be, isn't he ?"
8 THE BARNABYS
" He is a very fine man, Patty, there is no
doubt of it," replied Mrs. O'Donagough, "I
always admired that style of man — the whiskers
and hair, and all that, you know. I have al-
ways thought that it gave particularly the air of
a gentleman — I might, indeed, say of a nobleman."
" Exactly that !" cried Miss Matilda Perkins.
" Mrs, O'Donagough always expresses herself so
happUy. He is a fine man — a stylish man,
Patty. That is exactly what he is — and many
and many's the girl that will look upon you
with envy, my dear, take my word for that."
" Well, I can't help it, if they do, Matilda,"
replied the well-pleased Madame Tornorino.
" But I wish you would not send him away,
mamma ! Why could not Matilda, or your
own particular friend, Louisa, have gone for the
pen and ink? I do think it is very hard to
send one's husband away the very first day after
one is married to him."
" But who could guess, Patty, that he would
be staying so unaccountably long?" returned her
mother.
" Lor bless my soul, I could have made the
paper by this time, and I shall have altogether
IN AMERICA. 9
forgot what came into my head about what was
to be sent to the newspaper — haven't you got
a scrap of paper either of you, and a pencil ?"
The ready hand of the faithful Louisa was in
her pocket in an instant, and from its varied
stores she drew forth the " Lady's Polite Re-
meijnbrancer " for the year, which contained a
little pencil, very neatly cut for writing.
" Will this do, dear Mrs. O'Donagough f '
said she, presenting it.
" Do ? Lor no ! I shall break it in half a
minute. But, however, that don't much sig-
nify, I may just write down a word or two, to
keep what I was thinking of in my head, it was
so exactly the right sort of thing. Give me
some paper, Louisa ?"
" Paper? Oh, dear me, where can I find
any, I wonder? Do, my dear darling Miss
Patty, tell me where I can find a bit of paper for
good mamma?"
On being thus addressed, the newly-married
lady suddenly sprung from the sofa on which
she had been seated, and rushing across the
room with a movement more resembling the
spring of a powerful young panther than any
B 3
10 THE BARNABYS
thing else, seized the gentle Louisa by the shoul-
ders, and shook her heartily.
" I'll teach you to call me Miss Patty, you
nasty old maid, you ! How dare you do any
such thing ? Don't you know that if I am Miss
Patty stiU, I am just no better than I ought to
be, and a pretty thing that is for you to
say of your own best friend's only daughter.
Arn't you ashamed of yourself — am't you then ?"
" I am, indeed, my dearest Mrs. Torni — oh,
dear me ! How shall I speak what I don't no
more understand than if it was just so much
Greek? You must please, indeed you must,
just to write down for me your name, exactly
as you wish to have it spoken, and you shall see
that I will never do the same thing again — no,
never as long as I live."
" Well then, don't bother any more about it
now, but just get mamma some paper."
By dint of hunting in various drawers, a
sheet of pa])er was at length found, upon which
Mrs. O'Donagough, notwithstanding the fra-
gility of her pencil, contrived to scrawl the fol-
lowing paragraph :
" By special license — Martha, the only daugh-
IN AMERICA. 11
ter and sole heiress of John William O'Dona-
gough, Esq., to Don Espartero Christinino Tor-
norino. We are happy to learn from the most
unquestionable authority that, though a foreigner,
this distinguished nobleman is in eveiy respect
worthy of the enviable preference which has
beeri given him by the most admired beauty of
the present season. The sensation produced by
the appearance of this young lady at the last
drawing-room, will probably cause her imme-
diate marriage to be a source of disappointment
to many."
Having, after a good many revisals, com-
pleted her composition, Mrs. O'Donagough read
it aloud, with aU the dignity it deserved, and
then said,
" What do vou think of that, ladies ?"
" Why it is first-rate beautiftil, mamma,"
replied Patty, rubbing her hands; "only, you
know, it is a downright lie as ever was told, for
me and my darling were married by banns, we
took care about that. As to all the rest, it is true
enough for all I know to tlie contrary."
" Well dear, and what does that little scratch
12 THE BARNABYS
of the pen signify, whether it's true or not," de-
manded her mother ; " nobody will know any
thing about it, and it sounds better, doesn't
it?"
" Well, there — ^let it stand, mamma. It is
not worth disputing about, certainly. Mamed
is married, all the world over. And what you
say about him is all right and correct. But
where is he, darling beauty ! I tell you what,
Mrs. O'Donagough, it won't do for you to be
sending my husband about right and left — mind
that, if you please. And now you see papa's keep-
ing him, whether he will or no. I won't bear it
any longer, that's what I won't, so good-by to
you all." And so saying, Madame Tomorino
darted out of the room.
" Oh, heavens ! How that charming crea-
ture's affection touches me !" exclaimed Miss
Matilda Perkins. " How animated, how beauti-
ftd is her conjugal tenderness ! Ah, who can
witness it, and not look with envy upon happi-
ness so pui-e and so exalted," she added almost
inaudibly.
Patty meanwhile made her way rapidly by a
sort of sliding movement of her hand, down
IN AMERICA. 13
the banisters, rather than by the use of her feet,
(a mode of descending the stairs to which she
was greatly addicted when in good spirits) to
the door of the room dignified by the appellation
of " the library," and throwing it open without
ceremony, found herself, considerably to her sur-
prise, in the presence of two persons who were,
beyond all questions, wrangling violently; and
unhappily for her new-born felicity, poor little lady !
these persons were her father and her husband.
jJ^How dare you look so savagely cross at my
darling Tornorino, papa ?" she exclaimed, wdth
great indignation, and at the same time throwing
her arms round her husband, who, as well as her
father, was standing. " How dare you, I say ?
Don't knit your brows at me, papa, for you
know as well as I do, that I don't care the hun-
dredth part of a farthing for your frowns — and
that I didn't either before I was a married wo-
man ; so I leave you to guess how much I care
for them now. But I won't have my dear
darling plagued, that I won't — so mind what
you are about, old gentleman."
" This is no time for playing the fool, Patty,"
replied her father, in a voice which, despite all
14 THE BARNABYS
the courage of her native spirit, strengthened as
it now was by her matronly position, made h^v
quail. " Did I serve you right, hussy, I sho\ d
push you out of doors this instant, \^^th the
beggarly fellow you have thought proper to
choose for a husband — "
" Why do you let him talk so, Don Torno-
rino ?" exclaimed poor Patty, bursting into tears.
" You know it's all lies ! Why do you let him
go on so ?"
" Hold your tongue, girl, and hear me !" re-
sumed her father, in a tone that neither the
bride nor bridegroom could listen to unmoved.
" I have been asking this fine whiskered hero
of yours a few questions, and from his agreeable
answers, it appears perfectly e\'ident that the
coat upon his back constitutes by far the most
valualjle part of his possessions. This being the
case, my young madam, I will beg you to inform
me how and where vou intend to live ?"
" I don't believe a word of it, I don't," sobbed
Patty, trembling both with rage and fear. " He
is a Don, he told me so himself; I know he is
a Don — am't you a Don, mv dear, arn't you ?"
" Never mind. You no talk. Miss Patty, say
IN AMERICA. 15
any thing k propos de moi. Listen, dutiful, a
votre bon papa," replied her husband, disengaging
himself from her arms, and placing himself be-
hind a chair, in order, as it should seem to keep
out of her way.
" Do you call me Miss Patty, you traitor of a
ma^ ?" screamed the unfortunate wife. " If my
papa is the dear good papa he used to be, he'll
teach you to call your own lawful wife by such a
name as that — ^won't you, dear pa ? — won't you
make him treat me like a married woman ?'^ ~
If the high-minded Mr. O'Donagough did
love any thing; in the world besides himself, it
certainly was his daughter; and even at the
present moment, though harassed by a pretty
considerable variety of disagreeable thoughts, he
could not see the showers of tears which fell
from her bright ej^es, without enough of pity
and tenderness to moderate the angrj^ feelings
with which he had just addressed her, and to
produce a tone of much greater gentleness as he
said,
" I am sorry for you, my poor Patty, with all
my heart and soul. But it will do no good to
mince the matter, you have mairied yourself to
16 THE BARNABYS
a fellow without a sixpence, and there are some
fathers who would make little difficulty of easing
themselves at once of all trouble concerning you,
by turning you both into the street together.
But I have not th^: heart to do it, Patty — though,
God knows, at this time the fewer burdens I
have the better. However, your mother's in-
come is settled upon her, and in case of the
worst, may be worth keeping. And so, all
things considered, I am determined to treat you
better than you deserve, and take you along with
me. I have explained myself pretty fuUy to
your husband, and he has wit enough, whatever
other qualities he may want, to understand how
I shall expect he will behave himself. So no
more sobbing and crjing, Patty. We must one
and all make the best of a very bad matter.
Things might be worse — I don't mean as to
your marriage, for I don't see exactly how that
could be; but I might have been found con-
siderably worse prepared for the accident that
has happened to me."
" Wliat do you mean, papa ?" demanded the
astonished Patty, her eyes opened greatly beyond
their usual ample dimensions, her curls hastily
IN AMERICA. , 1 7
pushed back, and her head extended forwards to
the utmost extent of her handsome thi'oat.
" What, in Heaven's name, are you talking
about ? If my Tornorino is not really a Don,
he is a monstrous har, and that he knows as well
as I. But I am ready to forget and forgive,
because he is such a darling, and because it is
as clear as light, that he only said it for the sake
of being the more sure of getting me ; and if
you'll forgive and forget it too, papa, it will be
very good natured of you. But what in the
world has that to do with my ' going along with
you.' Going along where, I should like to
know ? I don't mean to go along any where,
and that's flat. I mean to stay here, and show
off my wedding-ring and my wedding-clothes,
and my handsome husband, to my aunt Herbert,
and my cousins, and that nasty brute of a beast,
Jack that was, and every body else that I ever
saw or knew in aU my life before. So please
not to say any more about ' going along ;' for aU
the along I shall be going, wiU just be driving
along the streets in mamma's beautiful carriage
to buy wedding-clothes."
The spirit of Mr. John William Patrick iVUen
18 THE BARNABYS
O'Donagoiigh seldom failed him ; and, to do
him justice, it' must be avowed that he rarely
permitted any emotion to be visible on his coun-
tenance, which it was his wish to hide. But as
he listened to this speech from the animated
Patty, he looked a less great, a less philosophical
man than usual. For a moment he turned away
his head to avoid her gaze, and his complexion
varied. But this lasted not long ; a very short
interv^al sufficed to restore him to his wonted
happy hardihood ; and then he composedly turned
to his son-in-law, saying, with very perfect self-
possession.
" Get upstairs, Tornorino ; I want to speak
to my daughter alone."
The Don, who did not appear to show in any
large degree the firmness of nerve possessed by
his distinguished father-in-law, delayed not for
the hundredth part of a second to obey him, but
instantly slipped out of the room, despite the
extended hand of his wife, which seemed
stretched out as if to " clutch him," and impede
his departure.
" Sit down, Patty," said Mr. O'Dona-
gough.
IN AMERICA. 19
The puzzled Patty obeyed, her eyes still
steadily fixed upon her mysterious parent.
"I am sorry to teU you, Patty, that your
silly marriage is not the only, nor perhaps the
worst misfortune that has fallen upon us within
the last twenty-fours," said he.
" I wish you would not go on talking of my
marriage in that way, papa," said the bride,
recovering her courage as her father's manner
towards her softened. " I'm the best judge, I
suppose, whether my husband is the man I love ;
and I teU you once for all, that he is. And if
it turns out that he is not particularly rich
because of his leaving most of his money behind
in his own country, what can that signify,
I should like to know, when, as mamma
says, I am your only sole heiress; and you,
as rich as you are, with your fine house and
carriage, and going to court, and the lord knows
what besides ?"
Mr. O'Donagough knit his brows, but pre-
sently relaxed the frown, and sighed deeply.
"That is just the point, my poor dear 'child,
upon which I want to speak to you. I have a
very singular histoiy to disclose, Patty, which
b
20 THE BARNABYS
will explain, only too well, all that now appears
mysterious to you," said he.
Having thus spoken, he paused for a moment,
and fixed his eyes full upon her face with great
solemnity ; but just as he seemed about to re-
sume his discourse, Patty stopped him by
saying,
" Pray, papa, will every body go on calling me
' Patty, as you do ? I can't say I like it at all ;
it's a monstrous disappointment to me ; why
shouldn't I be called by my husband's name,
with Mrs. before it, like other married women ?
I do think it is very hard."
" I will call you Mrs. Tornorino, my dear, if
you wish it," replied her father, with a smile
which certainly, notwithstanding his constitu-
tional strength of mind, gave him a good deal
the air of ' a very foolish, fond old man ;' " Imt
you know, darling, that when parents have got
a beautiful young married daughter, like yoii,
they always con^mue to call them by their
christian name — that is, as long as they con-
tinue young and beautiful."
" Do they ? Oh ! I did not know that. Well
then, papa, you may go on so, if you please.
IN AMERICA. 21
But I hope nobody else will, for Tornorino is
certainly the very prettiest name I ever heard in
my life. Don't you think it is, papa ?"
" My dear, dear, Patty ! I dare say I shall
think any name that belongs to you pretty.
But I have a great deal of business, Patty, that
must be done directly, and I do beg you will
listen to what I am going to say. Do now,
there's a good girl !"
" Now I am sure you say that only to tor-
ment me, papa, and for no other reason in the
whole world !" exclaimed Patty, with great vehe-
mence. " You will never make me believe that
let a married woman be as young as she wiU,
she ought to be called girl ! It is a downright
insult ; and if Tornorino has as much spirit as
a rat, he won't bear it, that he won't !"
Mr. O'Donagough's fondness began to give
way to anger, and it was decidedly more a ban
than a blessing which burst from his lips, as he
started out of his chair, and striding towards his
daughter placed his hands upon her shoulder,
shaking her with more energy than gentleness.
" By the heaven above us, Patty, I am afraid
you are a greater fool than I took you for ! If
22 THE BARNABYS
you were six, instead of sixteen, you might listen
to me when I tell you that I want to speak on
matters of the greatest possible importance.
But if you really are too silly to care for any
thing but your own nonsense, I shall leave you
to your fate, and that may very likely lead to
the turning you and yom' fine moustache into
the street before you are many hours older."
These words were uttered with very conside-
rable vehemence, and before Patty could suffi-
ciently recover her wits to answer them, her
angry father had passed through the door, and
banged it together after him.
IN AMERICA. 23
CHAPTER III.
A narrative full of mystery and interest recorded by a
father to his child — Natural emotions of the youthful
mind — Prudent resolves.
Notwithstanding the dauntless style in
which the spirited young bride had received her
father's rebuke upon the penniless nature of the
connexion she had formed, she was not alto-
gether unconscious that it was deserved, or in-
different to the dangers which might arise to
herself and her " darling," were pa to get down-
right cross with her. It was therefore with no
lingering movement that she scrambled across
the room after him, threw open the door again,
and sprung upon the back of his neck just as his
foot reached the first stair, much after the fashion
of a favourite young Newfoundland-dog who has
attained his full size, but not his full gravity and
discretion. Most assuredly Mr. O'Donagough
24 THE BARNABYS
was in no playful mood, and perhaps his very
first impulse upon receiving this powerful caress,
was to have rejected it with equal vigour by a
backward movement of the leg just raised in
act to mount. But he felt that it was the hand
of Patty that was at his throat, and his " one
virtue" mastering him, he turned round with
something between a smile and a frown,
saying,
" Don't be a fool, Patty. What d'ye want ?"
" Want? my own dear pap? want you, to
be sure. How could you run away from your
own poor dear Patty so ? and she just married
too ! and aU for nothing in the world but be-
cause she wanted to have a bit of fun with you !
Come along back with me pa, and see if I don't
listen to aU you have got to say, as grave as a
judge. You see if I don't."
O'Donagough, wholly overcome by this pretty
naivete, very lovingly threw his arm round her
waist, and returned into the room they had left ;
but stUl his step and manner were so very solemn
that Madame Tonorino began to be frightened
outright, and when he had placed her in one
chair, and himself in another, exactly opposite to
IN AMERICA. 25
her, she looked as sober and sedate as he could
possibly have desired.
" It will be necessary, my dear child," he
began, " in order to make you fully under-
stand my present very embarrassing situation,
that I should relate to you some circumstances of
tny early life, with which you are, and indeed
your excellent mother also, as yet unacquainted.
WliHe still a very young man, my dear Patty,
and, to speak with the degree of frankness neces-
sary to the full comprehension of my singular
history, by no means ill-looking, in fact, I was
exceedingly Uke yourself, Patty ; at this period,
my dear, I unfortunately happened to be
quartered with my regiment at Windsor. The
Regent, subsequently our beloved monarch,
George the Fourth, was holding his splendid
court there. The precise time of which I speak
need not be mentioned. Indeed, for many
painfully important reasons, it wiU be greatly best
that I should avoid doing so. And I will, there-
fore, beg of you, my dear, to ask me no ques-
tions. All that it is essential you should know
I wUl freely communicate to you. And for the
rest—"
VOL. I. C
/
26 THE BARNABYS
Here Mr. O'Donagough paused for a mo-
m(;nt, and rested his forehead upon his extended
hand, as if wishing to conceal some too powerful
emotion with which his soul was struggling;
l)ut, after one deep-drawn sigh, he pro-
ceeded,
" Amidst the brightest ornaments of that
splendid court, my dear child, was/i young lady
possessed of a degree of beauty, which, even at
this distance of time, I cannot recall without a
violence of emotion that shakes every nerve, and
teaches me that there are feelings that neither
time nor circimnstance can obUterate. But, alas !
my Patty, the dignity of her birth and station
equalled the beauty of her person. The
proudest nobles of the land vied with each other
for her favour. All the world loved her, but
she, alas ! alas ! loved me alone ! This too
lovely, this too beloved lady, was in the habit of
walking frequently upon the terrace of the castle.
Her high rank insured her admittance at aU
times, and I, from my militarv command, found
it only too easy to invent ostensible reasons for
being there also. That terrace, that noble
Windsor-teiTace, Patty, is known to millions,
IN AMERICA. 27
and remembered fondly by all who have seen it,
as one of the most enchanting spots on earth.
But alas ! where is the aching, throbbing, pal-
pitating memory which recollects like mine?
Where is there another heart which bounds,
yet sinks, which trembles, yet exults at the mere
sound of its name, as mine does ? My child, it
was upon that terrace that the mutual love of
that noble lady and your too happy, yet too
wretched father was mutually confessed and mu-
tually returned. She loved me, Patty ! Loved
me, did I say ? She worshipped — she adored
me ! And I — can you blame me, my dear
child, if-^" here Mr. O'Donagough was very
strongly agitated, notwithstanding his evident
struggles to master his feelings, he found himself
obhged to draw forth his pocket-handkerchief,
and apply it to his eyes — " can you, I say, blame
me, my Patty, if I loved too ?"
" Good gracious no, papa ! Not the least bit
in the world," rephed his daughter. " I am sure
you would have been a most homd monster of a
man if you had not. But do go on, pa, and tell
me what happened next ? Did you i-un away
with her, as my Don did with me ?"
c 2
28 THE BARNABYS
" Patty, I dare not tell you more of this
eventful history."
" Well I never !" exclaimed Patty, looking
exceedingly disappointed ; " no never in all my
life heard any thing like that. Just as if teUing
could signify now, when it must have been such
ages and ages ago. Don't be foolish, papa,
there's a dear good man, but go on, and for
goodness sake, tell me all that happened between
)-ou and this grand lady. Well to be sure, it's
no great wonder that you hold your head so
high as you do sometimes, I must say that for
you, pap. But pray does mamma know all
about it ? WHiether she does or not, however,
don't signif}- a straw, for I am positively djing
to hear the rest, and hear it I must. So go on,
papa, when I bid you."
" For the rest, my dear, there is but little
more that can or ought to be said," replied Mr.
O'Donagough, with an air of discretion befitting
the circumstances. " All that I can further re-
late concerns myself only. The ^dgilant eyes of
those who surrounded the noble ladv, who, by
the way, it is necessar}^ I should tell you was a
countess in her own right, were not slow in dis-
IN AMERICA. 29
covering how matters stood, and the consequence
to me may be easily guessed. Though well born,
and highly educated, and with a military reputa-
tion (for why should I deny it, Patty ?) of the
very highest class, I was stiU considered as im-
measurably below the noble object of my love.
Her proud and cruel fi'iends would not for an
insfant endure the idea of a marriage between us,
which would make her title descend to my off-
spring. I was ordered to go abroad immediately,
and a multitude of injurious reports were indus-
triously attached to my name, in the hope of es-
tranging the heart of my beloved countess. I
went, Patty, a broken-hearted wanderer; I
quitted my native shores, and looked my last upon
my noble love. But guess my agonies when I
teU you, that almost the first news I received
from England, brought me the account of her
marriage with a nobleman of rank equal to her
own ! It is torture to remember it. But no
more of this, Patty. I must not, I dare not
dwell on all I have suffered. Years rolled on,
and brought with them the healing balm that ever
rests upon their wings. I saw your excellent
mother. I saw, admired, wooed, and won her,
30 THE BARNABYS
Patty ; and O for her sake, as well as for other
most important reasons, I would not wish this
history to be greatly tallied of. That you should
converse respecting it with your mother, is of
course perfectly natural. But do not dwell upon
the passion I have described to you — it may pain
her. By your own feelings for Don Tornorino,
my dear love, you may guess what her's are for
me. The high nobility of my first passion will
not suffice to heal the mortification arising
from knowing that she never could have
been more than second in my heart. You
will now, in your present situation, easily
understand all this, and will have too much ten-
derness for her, I am sure, to wound her
feelings unecessaiily. You understand me ?"
"Yes, I suppose I understand you, papa,"
rephed Patty, " but I can't help thinking that
what you say is very nonsensical, because it is
downright humbug, and nothing else, to talk of
you and mamma being like Tornorino and
me. However, I'll do just whatever you
like about it. And though you are so old
now, it is a beautiful love story as ever was
wrote in a book, and I must and will tell
IN AMERICA. 31
my Don of it. You won't mind that I sup-
pose ?"
" No, my dear Patty, not at all," replied her
father affectionately. " On the contrary, my
love, I wish him to be made acquainted with all
the peculiarities of my situation. They are very
peculiar; and now I must proceed to explain to
ycfu why it is, that now, for the first time, I con-
sider it proper to open my heart to you on this
painful subject. It is, believe me, a theme inex-
pressibly distressing to me, particularly at this
moment, when I would willingly have devoted
myself to making the early days of your married
life, my poor child, pass gaily and joyously. But
unhappily I am compelled to announce to you
the very disagreeable fact that, unless your hus-
band has a home of his own to take you to, your
honeymoon, my pretty Patty, must be passed on
board ship."
" Good gracious, why ? I shan't like that at
all, I piromise you. I mean that mamma shall
go out with me directly to buy some wedding
clothes, and there will be no fun in being fine
unless there is somebody to admire me. I do
beg, papa, that wherever you are going, you
32 THE BARNABYS
won't set off till I have received all my visits, and
returned them too. I am dying for my cousin
Elizabeth to see my wedding-ring, and hear me
call my tall, grand-looking husband, Tornorino.
I am certain as that I am here, that she will be
just ready to die with envy."
"Nothing can be more natural than your
feelings, my dear Patty, and it gi'ieves me to the
heart that I cannot indulge you in them. But
you have not heard my sad story yet, my dear.
The persecution I have undergone has been ter-
rible beyond behef As long as the sweet angel
lived I was obliged either to remain out of the
country, or else return under a feigned name,
and live in the most complete retirement, to
avoid the possibility of her knowing that I was
near her. Alas ! Patty, a jealous husband is the
most terrible of tyrants. God grant that this
dreadful fate may never be yours."
" Oh ! there is no danger at all of that, papa,
for I love my handsome husband a great deal too
weU to let any body else make love to me."
" That is a great blessing, my dear, a very
great blessing. But to return to my sad story.
One might have hoped, Patty, might one not ?
IN AMERICA. 33
that when the lovely countess was no more, the
tyrants might have ceased to persecute? The
hope of this was, I assure you, the only thing
which enabled me to retain my senses when I lost
her. But no ! even in this I have been deceived.
" For a short time indeed after my last return
from abroad, on which return you and your ex-
cellent mother accompanied me, I was permitted
to breathe the air of my native land unmolested;
and it was dear to me because it was the air rny
Eleonora had breathed ! But last night I
received the astounding information that your
appearance at court (where you were recognised
as my daughter), had given rise to the most in-
jurious suspicions. There are persons in certain
circles, Patty, who have not scrupled to hint
that the excellent woman, whom before heaven
I declare to be your mother, is no more to you
than your nurse, and that your real mother was
no other than the lamented heiress I have named
to you ! This, as you wiU immediately perceive,
throws a doubt upon the succession to her title
and estates which, if it takes wind, may plunge
the whole of her noble family into the horrible
exposui'e of a trial and a lawsuit. I have ac-
c 3
./
34 THE BARNABYS
cordingly received official hints that unless by at
once withdrawing myself I relieve the family
fi^om this alarm, measures will be immediately
resorted to for the purpose of removing me from
England for ever. I leave you to guess what
my feelings were on receiving this intimation."
" Why they don't mean to say that I ought
to be the countess, do they, papa," demanded
Patty, with considerable vivacity.
"Not exactly that, my dear. No one, I
believe, has hitherto ventured to assert as a fact,
what, under the circumstances, it would be so
exceedingly difficult to prove. Nobody, as yet,
has gone that length. But be this as it may, of
the necessity of our immediately leaving England
there can be no question. Were I to delay a
week, I have httle doubt that I should find
myself an object of the most tyrannical persecu-
tion — and that, probably, for life. I have,
therefore, no time to lose, and I have taken this
early opportunity of communicating these facts
to you, in order that you might make up your
( mind either to accompany your mother and
Nj myself to the United States of America, or to go
immediately with your husband to such home
IN AMERICA. 35
as he can provide for you. How do you decide,
Patty?"
"I will tell you in a minute papa, if you will only
let me ask you one or two questions," she replied.
" Then make short work of your questions,
Patty, for I have no time to lose," said Mr.
O'Donagough, once again portentously knitting
hi^ brows.
" Don't look cross, papa, and I will have done
in a minute. And please in the first place to
tell me whether it is quite sure and certain that
I never can be a countess in my own right f
" I am sorry to say, my dear, that there is
not the slightest chance of it," gravely replied
Mr. O'Donagough.
" That's no go then," responded Patty, with
a slight sigh.
" Now then," she resumed, " my next ques-
tion is, whether being so fond of me as you are,
and I your only chUd, whether, I say, you could
not give me, before you go, fortune enough for
me and Don Tornorino to live on here a little,
in good flashing style, just to plague the
Huberts, and that nasty beast, Jack, before we
go out after you and mamma to America ?"
/
36 THE BARNABYS
" Here again, my dear child," said Mr.
O'Donagough, with a truly paternal smile, " I
recognise the most natural feelings, and believe
me, I fuUy sympathise in them ; but I lament to
say that what you ask is altogether impossible.
For the tyrants v^ho pursue me with their jea-
lous vengeance — "
" Do you mean the lady's husband, papa ?" cried
Patty, with a sudden burst of irrepressible curiosity.
" Pardon me, my dear, I cannot answer,"
replied her father with solemnity. " Nor is it
in any way necessary that I should, in order to
make you fuUy comprehend my position. Who-
ever they be who pursue me, theii' power over
me is such that I cannot, without the most
imminent risk to my liberty, and even to my
life, attempt to realize any part of my property.
Indeed, I have but too much reason to fear that
by far the greater portion of the funds upon
which I reckoned as the source from which your
fortune should be drawn, and our own handsome
manner of living supplied, will be rendered
entirely unavailable by this last stroke of barba-
rous jealousy. AU that can be done for oiu-
future comfort, depend upon it, my dear Patty, I
IN AMERICA. 37
will do ; but if you and your husband, after
properly taking into consideration the fact of
my almost ruined fortunes, shall still decide upon
accompanying us into ipxile,,it must be with the
understanding that you are uniting your fortunes
to those of a poor man — compared to what I
believed myself to be — a very poor man, and
m«ust conduct yourselves accordingly."
Patty looked exceedingly grave and remained
silent considerably longer than was her wont on
any occasion : but her father wished to hear
what she had got to say in reply to his commu-
nication, and waited patiently till she spake.
At length, after heaving rather a deep sigh, she
said, with an expression somewhat indicative of
alarm upon her countenance.
" I don't know what my Don will say to it,
papa, because I always told him that you was so
monstrous rich. Good gracious, what shall I
do, if he should grow cross about it, and leave
off loving me ? I do think, upon my honour,
that it would drive me mad."
"In that case, my dear love," replied her
father composedly, " I should of course turn
him out of doors immediately."
38 THE BARNABYS
"What? my own dear, darling husband?
And I left by myself without any husband at all?
No, no, Mr. Pap, you'll do no such thing as
that, I promise you. What you must do is
this, dear papa, you must squeeze out every
penny you can snve from every other earthly
vy thing, and give it all to my dear Don ; and that,
you know, will keep him in good humour, even
if you don't happen to live out in America in
such a grand house as this. That is what you
really will do, my own dear darling pap, isn't it ?"
And Patty sprung across the space which
divided them, threw her arms round his neck^,
and began kissing him with more vehemence
than she had ever done before, save once, when
she had conceived an ardent affection for a pink
satin-dress, which his fiat alone could enable her
to obtain.
Upon that occasion she had succeeded; the
pink satin dress had been the reward of her kisses,
and it was perhaps the remembrance of this
fact which made her now shower them so libe-
rally. But her father seemed not in the kissing
vein ; for he disengaged himself, though gently,
from her clinging embraces, and quietly replied,
IN AMERICA. 39
" The best thing you can do, Patty, is to tell
your husband the whole of the melancholy story
which I have just told you ; he will then under-
stand how things are, and if, as I suspect, his
own circumstances are such as still to make his
sticking close to us the best thing he can do, I
dare say he will have common sense enough to
k^ep his ground without being very troublesome.
It is indeed, not impossible that I may find him
useful, and in that case I have no doubt but we
shall go on very comfortably."
Patty pretty well knew when there was any
thing to be gained from " Pa," and when there
was not ; the present use of which experience
was to make her quietly walk off, saying, " that
she would soon make her dear Don understand
all about it."
40 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER IV.
Philosophical thoughts — Brief review of the financial
affairs of Mr. O'Donagough — Conjugal harmony, and
unity of purpose — Pleasant jestings mixed with serious
thoughts.
To prepare his beautiful Patty for the change
she was about to undergo, was perhaps not the
least disagreeable of the various operations
which Mr. John Wilham Patrick Allen O'Dona-
gough knew that he had to perform before he
set out upon the expedition (which as doubtless
all the world will remember) General Hubert
had so strenuously recommended. It had taken
the affectionate father some fifteen or twenty
minutes to decide in what manner the news
could be conveyed to the happy bride, his
daughter, with the least annoyance to her sen-
sitive feelings ; but from the moment the matter
IN AMERICA. 41
presented itself to his imagination in the shape
which has been shown forth in the last chapter,
every unpleasant sensation vanished. Nay, the
interview which he had pre^dously dreaded, be-
came, in a considerable degree, agreeable to
him.
It is, I believe, a notorious fact in natural
histbry, that whatever instinct or faculty nature
has bestowed upon an animal with predominating
strength, causes in its exercise the most decided
gi-atification ; and it would be difficult to bring
in evidence a stronger confirmation of this in-
teresting phenomenon, than the state of feeling
produced on the mind of Mr. O'Donagough by
the act of lying. His spirits seemed to rise,
his faculties to expand themselves ; his features
assumed a look of animation and intelligence,
inconceivably beyond what they ever manifested
at any other time; and if the observer's eye
could have gone deeper and penetrated to his
heart, it would have been found gaily bounding
in his bosom in a sort of triumphant jubilee at
the bold feats of his undaunted tongue.
On the whole, therefore, the half hour he had
bestowed upon Patty had done him good, and
42 THE BARNABYS
it was with no faltering voice that he called to
her as she quitted the room, bidding her to send
her mother to him.
Mr. O'Donagough, was, as we have said, a
man of very considerable firmness of nerve, and
had never, at any period of his life, been found
infirm of purpose. Within half an hour of
leaving his " third drawing-room" on the pre-
ceding night, in the manner descriljed in a
former series of the records of this interesting
family, he had pretty fully made up his mind as
to what he should do with himself and his be-
longings. Though he felt that the earth was
not wholly before him where to choose, he was
aware that quite a sufficient quantity remained
open for him to prevent any embarrassment on
the score of elbow-room. Nor had he that very
dispiriting misfortune to contend with, which
arises from the want of those sinews, so well
known to be necessary in every operation which
man carries on, either with or against man. His
lady's provident wisdom had taken care, at the
time of their marriage, that all that was hers
should remain her own, and her little income
was therefore as long as they remained together
IN AMERICA. 43
a sort of pis aller fund, which would always
prevent their being in actual want. This was
well, snug, comfortable, and soothing ; but this
was, by no means, the most agreeable financial
feature in his case.
From the time that, to use his own phrase,
he had sown those wild oats which had in some
\va^ or other occasioned his last excursion across
the ocean, to the present period, when it was
likely that a second voyage would be the best
remedy for the little contre-temps which had oc-
curred in his " third drawing-room," he had
never ceased adding to that small stock of pri-
vate pocket-money, which he had begun to
collect at his sociable whist-parties at Sydney.
It is hardly fair, perhaps, to lift the veil of re-
serve by which he had ever kept the amount of
this concealed, even from the wife of his bosom ;
but as accident has made me acquainted with
the amount thus collected, I am tempted to
name it as a proof (useful may it prove to the
unthrifty !) of what may be done by steady and
persevering labour.
Mr. O'Donagough, then, at this time stood
possessed of a sum amounting to £12,899 ; of
r
44 THE BARNABYS
which his wife had no more knowledge than the
man in the moon. And this, be it observed, was
safely stowed and funded in the English stocks, so
that it was exclusive of the contents of poor
Mr. Ronaldson's purse and pocket-book, w^hich,
however, amounted to very nearly a thousand
more, and which now made the pleasant-feeling
lining of his own coat-pocket. Assuredly, if
ever man deserved the honourable title of a
chevalier d'industrie, it was Mr. John William
Patrick Allen O'Donagongh, for never did he
lose an opportunity of putting his time to profit,
let it occur at what period of twenty-four hours
it might. It may be thought, perhaps, that in
this statement of Mr. O'Donagough's posses-
sions, I have carelessly overlooked the very
showy furniture of his handsome house in
Curzon-street ; but in point of fact I have
been strictly accurate, inasmuch, as no single
article of that furniture had been paid for, and
consequently, in a statement so precise as the
present, it could not properly have been brought
to account.
Mr. O'Donagough was in the act of men-
tally running over precisely the same figures as
IN AMERICA. 45
I have been now laying before the reader, when
the door of his hbrary opened, and his wife ap-
peared. The interview which was about to take
place, would have been considerably more agree-
able to the gentleman's feelings, had he deemed
it advisable in stating to his lady the sudden
necessity for breaking up his London establish-
ment, to have indulged in the same imaginative
species of narrative as that in which he had
conveyed the same information to his daughter.
But after a moment's consideration, his admir-
able judgment decided him against attempting
anything of the kind. For he felt that, in the
first place, it would rob him of the advantage
he might hope to obtain from the very acute
faculties of his admirable wife ; and secondly,
those very acute faculties, now fully ripened into
strong practical sharpness, would be exceedingly
likely to detect what was purely inventive, and
thereby render his explanation of no effect.
Determined, therefore, to be as candid in his
exposition of facts, as if he had been stating
matters to his own conscience, he lost no time
in circumlocution.
" Shut the door, wife," he said, rather gravely.
46 THE BARNABYS
as Mrs. O'Donagough came in, and then added,
rather in a lower key, " and you may as well
bolt it, my dear, and then we shall not be inter-
rupted."
" Dear me, Mr. O'Donagough ! how very
fooHsh this is of you !" she replied ; but obeyed
his command, however, before she advanced
into the room. " I know exactly, word for
word, what you are going to say, as well as
if you had spoken it every syllable already.
" Do you, my dear ?" said O'Donagough.
" I doubt it !"
"Yes I do. You are going to make a
preachment as long as my arm about Patty's
marriage ; and what good is it when the thing
is done and over ? I know very well that I
would rather have had an English lord for her.
But there's no use fretting about it, and I will
never forgive you as long as I Hve, if you refuse
to give me down a good handsome sum of money
out of your last night's winnings, to buy the
dear creature's wedding clothes. A good deal
of it, I know, we may have on credit, but not
all, nor anything like aU. And if you please,
I want to set about it immediately."
IN AMERICA. 47
" I have not the least objection in the world,
my dear," replied Mr. O'Donagough ; " and if
you will be kind enough to hear what I was
going to say — which has nothing whatever to
do with Patty, you shall set out and buy the
wedding clothes immediately after, if you
like it."
Mrs. O'Donagough was too reasonable a
woman to ask for a fairer promise than this, and
accordingly she placed herself in the chair that
her daughter had just before occupied, and
replied —
" Now, then, Donny !" with the most sweet-
tempered smile in the world.
"It is rather an awkward thing, my dear,
that I have got to mention to you, and if you
were not the devilish clever woman that you are,
I should never tell you of it at all. But if you
will set your wit, side by side, with mine, I am
not the least bit afraid but what we shall get
through the business perfectly well, and do
better, for what I know, than if it had never
happened."
'* And what has happened ?" replied his wife
in an accent of considerable alarm.
48 THE BARNABYS
" Why, first and foremost, that hideous old
maid, Elizabeth Peters, hit off the truth last
night as cleverly as if she had been the witch she
looks Hke, and obligingly addressed me as Major
Allen before Mrs. Stephenson, civilly requesting
me to tell her why I had changed my name."
" Insolent wretch ! — see if I won't be re-
venged of her impertinence," exclaimed the
sympathizing wife.
" And what did you say to her, my dear ?"
" Why, my love, I had not time to say much,
because that very fascinating personage, Mrs.
Stephenson, and this above-mentioned Miss
Elizabeth Peters, had politely concealed them-
selves behind the cui'tains of the recess, in
order to watch me play piquet with Mr. Ronald-
son. Foxcroft was in the room with us, and,
good-natured fellow, as you know he is, he gave
me, half in fun, you know, of course, a hint or
two of the cards Ronaldson held — all which
these charming ladies saw, and at the very
moment when I was in the act of making so
good a thing of it as would have made it signify
but little whether Patty's Don were rich or poor,
they popped out of their hiding-place, and told
IN AMERICA. 49
Ronaldson not to sign the check, for that he
had been cheated.'"
" Audacious wi-etches !" exclaimed Mrs.
O'Donagough, her expressive countenance beam-
ing with rage. " Oh, my dearest Donny ! had
I been there, they had dared not for their lives
have done it. In your own house too ! — when
they were enjoying the protection of your roof,
and revelling in the magnificence of your
splendid hospitality! Surely it is unprecedented
in the annals of visiting. They shall be ex-
posed for it. They shall be known for what
they are, or my name is not O'Donagough.
Why, Donny, I shall never again be able to
own my connexion with them. They have dis-
graced themselves for ever !"
" All very true, my dear," replied her hus-
band, composedly. " But, nevertheless, Ronald-
son did not sign the check — and / shall be
obliged to leave the country with as little delay
as possible."
" Leave the country ? Leave Curzon-street ?
And just when I am going to show off my
darling Patty every where, as the youngest and
most beautiful married woman in London !
VOL. I. D
50 THE BARNABYS
Oh ! it is impossible ! You never can be such
a binite !" cried the unhappy Mrs. O'Donagough,
in the most piercing accents imaginable.
" You do not appear to see this affair with
your usual clear-headed good sense, my dear/'
rephed her husband, with exemplary gentleness
of voice and manner. " Perhaps you are not
aware that if I do not take myself off, and that
immediately, the Secretary of State for the
Home Department will have all the trouble
upon his own hands. But even in that case,
you perceive, your bridal gaities would be equally
defeated, for we should go, at least I should,
and under the circumstances, I don't think you
would find your residence here at all agi'eeable
afterwards."
" What do you mean, Donny ?" said the
vexed lady, looking at his placid countenance
with considerable indignation. " What have all
the Secretaries of State in the world to do with
our staying in this beautiful house or leaving it ?
If you are only joking, and making fun of me,
as you do with that fool Foxcroft, I never will
forgive you as long as I live."
" That would be very tenible, my dear," he
IN AMERICA. 51
mildly replied. " But fortunately at this
moment I run no risk of the kind ; for I cer-
tainly do not consider the matter as partaking
of the least degree of the nature of a joke. Nor
do I see any thing like fun in being transported
for hfe."
" Transported !" shrieked Mrs. O'Donagough,
" You don't mean it ? — you don't mean to say,
husband, that you have really been such a fool
as to do any thing to put you in the power of
those horrid women ? You don't mean to tell
me that ? Oh ! Donny ! Donny ! I shall go
mad !"
" God forbid, my dear," he. replied, without
varying a muscle of his truly philosophical phy-
siognomy. "Anything of the kind would be
exceedingly troublesome just now. But really,
my dear, you agitate yourself much more than
there is any occasion for; and to teU you the
truth, I thought my Barnaby was too much a
woman of the world to suffer such an occur-
rence as this to shake her courage so violently.
If you win but see the thing in a proper light,
and give me your assistance in getting every
thing ready, and in giving the whole affair rather
D 2
52 THE BARNABYS
the appearance of a party of pleasure, than any
thing else, I have no doubt that we shall do
extremely well. There are many people of very
/, /high fashion in the United States, particularly
^ at New Orleans, and in the other slave States,
and if we contrive to manage our affau's only
as well as we have done before, my dear, you
may depend upon it we shall soon find ourselves
in the very highest rank of societ}% and perhaps
better off than we have ever been in our lives."
Mrs. O'Donagough was a woman of strong
feelings, yet nevertheless she was always, or
almost always, amenable to reason, and long
before her husband had ceased speaking, her
fine spirit had recovered its tone ; she felt able,
and perfectly wiUing too, to take the particular
bull, which now appeared to face her, by the
horns, and by the noble exercise of the faculties
of which she felt proudly conscious, to do battle
with whatever difficulties might assail her,
nothing doubting, from the hints her judicious
husband had thrown out, that her reward would
now be, what it had so often been before,
namely, the placing herself considerably in ad-
l/ vance of aU her feUow-creatiires, the envied of
IN AMERICA. 53
many, and the admired of all. From this point
the conversation proceeded in a tone of conjugal
confidence and sympathy, that might have
served as a model to all the wedded sons and
daughters of Eve ; and no greater proof can be
given of the happiness of such a self-contented
temperament as that of my heroine, than the
fact, that the interview which brought to her
knowledge the proof of her husband's standing
in the most imminent peril of being transported
for life, left her in a state of spirits the most
animated and the most happy that can be con-
ceived.
Just as she was going to take her departure,
in order to set about her own preparations, and
leave her husband at liberty to make his, she
suddenly stopped short and exclaimed, "But,
my dear Donny, what in the world am I to say
to those dear, good Perkinses? and to that
handsome creature, Tornorino? Upon my
word, that must be thought of."
" It has been thought of, my Barnaby," re-
turned her husband with a playful smile that
quite illuminated his countenance. " Patty will
tell you ; but no," he added, " it will be safest
54 THE BARNABYS
for me to give you a sketch of the thing myself,
that you may make no blunders when you hear
the dear child allude to it. Just hsten to me,
my dear, and I will make you understand why
it is that I am obliged to leave the countiT."
Mr. O'Donagough then, yvdth some humour
and very considerable enjoyment, ran over the
heads of the history he had been recounting to
Patty conceniing his early passibn, and, for a
few gay moments felonies, flittings, transport-
ships, and Botany Bay, were all forgotten, and
both the gentleman and lady laughed heartily.
"There certainly never was any thing like
you, Donny !" said the lady, as soon as he had
finished, " you have made my sides ache, I pro-
mise you."
" And there certainly never was any thing like
you, my dear," he replied with a veiy gallant
bow. " I have often told you that you were a
wife made on piu-pose for me — and so you
are."
IN AMERICA. 55
CHAPTER V.
Friendly confidence — Beautiful demonstrations of affec-
tion — Cold caution, a painful contrast to it — Sisterly
devotion — A solemn promise.
When Mrs. O'Donagough re-entered the
drawing-room, she found Patty and her husband
seated upon one sofa, and the two Miss Per-
kinses on another. The two former were deeply
engaged in a whispering conversation, the subject
of which, as the well-satisfied mother rightly
imagined, was those passages in the early history
of the bride's father, with which she had that
morning been made acquainted. The two latter
did not appear to be conversing at all, and to
say truth, looked very particularly forsaken and
forlorn. It was to this group that Mrs. O'Dona-
gough immediately addressed herself, for she,
too felt a pleasure in the exercise of the inventive
56 THE BARNABYS
faculty, which was ahnost equal to that of her
husband.
" Oh, my dear gu'ls !" she began, " what
a history I have been listening to ! Such a story
has come out ! Mercy on me ! I hardly know
whether I stand on my head or my heels ?"
"Oh, dear me! What is it?" cried Miss
Louisa, divided betw^een fright and curiosity, for
Mrs. O'Donagough by pressing her right hand
strongly against her left side, sighing deeply, and
casting up her eyes towards the ceiling, gave her
great reason to fear that there was some mixture
of the terrible in what she was about to hear.
" I dare say it is the same thing that my be-
loved Patty is communicating to her husband,"
said Miss MatUda, eagerly. " Do, dearest Mrs.
O'Donagough, let me hear it directly. You
must know how devotedly I am attached to you
all, and whatever concerns any one of the dear
family, is just the same to my poor heart, as if it
l)clonged to myself"
" You are a good soul, Matilda, as ever lived,
and so is Louisa too. So sit you down, one on
each side of me, and you shall hear it ; though I
declare to Heaven my hair actually stands on
IN AMERICA. 57
end upon my head at the very idea of repeating
it."
Saying these words, Mrs. O'Donagough
seated herself in the middle of her sofa, and
taking in each of her own hands one of those
belonging to Miss Louisa and to Miss Matilda
Perkins, she began to repeat the history she had
he^d from her husband, embellishing it a little
as she went on, by sundry feminine traits of im-
passioned tenderness on the part of the young
countess, and concluding with a hint that the
untimely demise of that noble personage was the
consequence of her unconquerable passion for
Mr. O'Donagough.
The only part of the history, as recounted by
that gentleman to his daughter, which did not
appear in the present version, was that which
seemed to infer a possibility that Patty might be
the offspring of the lady alluded to, and not of
the fond mother who so gloried in calling her
daughter. Mr. O'Donagough showed consider-
able knowledge of human nature in omitting
tliis part of the joke when discoursing on the
subject to his wife. He felt that there were
things which might not safely be mentioned,
D 3
5g THE BARNABYS
even in jest, and that this was one of them. It
would be difficult, nay, perhaps impossible, to
find words capable of doing justice to the feel-
ings of the Misses Perkins as they listened to this
soul-stirring narrative. Disjointed expletives
were all they could utter ; but clasped hands,
lifted eyes, and long-dra^vn breath, gave ample
testimony to the powerful emotion which
shook their respective frames. At length
the predominating feeling of Miss Matilda
found vent in words, having some show of
meanbg, for she uttered distinctly the fol-
lomng :
" And what, my adored Mrs. O'Donagough,
is it vour intention to do ? Go, it is plain you
must — but where ?"
"Oh! in such a case as this," replied my
heroine, " there is but one country in the world
that a superior-minded man, like Mr. O'Dona-
gough, would think of for a moment. Of course
we shall go to the United States— that is, to the
most fashionable part of the country. You may
guess that I should not think of any other. And
there I have no doubt we shall be exceedingly
happy. O'Donagough is exactly the man to be
IN AMERICA. 59
popular in a free country. All his principles and
ideas are upon the noblest and most extended
scale ; and I know that I and Patty, too, are
particularly well fitted to live happily in a coun-
try where there are slaves ; in fact it is the only
sort of servant in v;hom one can find any real
comfort, and I confess to you, my dear girls,
that upon the whole, I expect we shall enjoy
ourselves famously."
" I have not the least doubt in the world, ray
dearest friend !" exclaimed Miss Matilda. " I
would to Heaven I was going with you 1"
" Then so you shall, by jingo !" exclaimed
the bride, who had overheard the speech of her
favomite. " If I say the word, it's as good as
done; and that you know, Matilda — nobody
better. If I had my way when I was plain
Patty O'Donagough, I leave you to guess if I
am likely to be disappointed, and contradicted,
and plagued, and disobeyed now that I am
a married woman, and the wife of a Don."
" Dearest Patty ! — ever, ever the same !" cried
Miss Matilda, with vehement emotion. " What
say you, my dearest Mrs. O'Donagough ? Do
you think that we might be permitted to join
60 THE BARNABYS
your delightful party? I feel sure that both
Louisa and myself would know, no happiness like
that of devoting ourselves to you."
" Upon my life, gii'ls, I should like it of all
things ; for I am sure that I shall want some-
body, particularly jast at first, to talk to, and to
help me to settle things. Of course, my dears, you
know that you would have to pay all you own ex-
penses — that's a matter of course — and then, if
Donny does not object, I won't. But what does
Louisa to say it? I have not heard her voice yet ?"
Upon being thus appealed to, Miss Louisa
ventured to say, though her sister's eyes shot
daggers at her the while, that she did not think
either Matilda or herself young enough to venture
upon going to a quite new country, of which
they knew nothing, except that it was many a
thousand of miles off, which would make it
exceedingly difficult to come back again.
" Lousia Perkins ! you are a fool, if ever
there was one born !" exclaimed Madame Torno-
rino, " and you may say that I told you so."
Mrs. O'Donagough laughed aloud, and
said,
" Go where you will, Patty, gentle and simple
IN AMERICA. 61
must all agree that you have a tongue in your
head. But never mind her, Louisa. You have
a right to your say as well as another, and your
opinion is, that America is a great way off. So
it is, my dear. And you need not mind Patty's
impudence the least bit in the world."
Miss Louisa Perkins seemed to be of the same
opi^nion, and certainly looked as if her equani-
mity was in no danger of being shaken by that
lively lady's sallies. But her feelings were differ-
ently constituted with respect to her sister; for
when Miss Matilda, having seized upon her
shawl, and wrapped it energetically round her,
said, " Come along, sister ! " she really looked as
white as a sheet."
" Yes, Matilda, you had better go away now,
child," observed Mrs. O'Donagough, waving
them off with her hand. " It is quite impossible
that I can sit still to reason upon the subject,
when I have such an immensity to do. You
had better talk the matter over together. All I
have to say is, that if you are ready to pay
all your expenses, and like to go, I shall make
no objection, if Donny makes none — and
you know how excessively fond he is of you both !"
62 THE BARNABYS
" God bless you, dearest Mrs. O'Donagough !"
sighed Matilda, as she pressed the hand of her
condescending friend. " Oh, how I should glory
in waitingupon you like your humblest servant in
any land in the world that you could take me to !"
" You are a vex-y good girl, Matilda," replied
Mrs. O'Donagough, " and I dare say Louisa will
think better of it."
But Louisa continued to maintain her omin-
ous aspect, and with a silent, slow, and melan-
choly step, followed her sister into the street.
The maiden sisters walked along Curzon-
strect, turned so as to reach Park-lane, crossed
into the Park, and still without exchanging a
single word. Louisa was melancholy. Matilda
moody. But having at length reached that
semi-sylvan path which stretches across the
green-sward towards Brompton, the full heart of
the younger sister swelled too vehemently to be
longer restrained, and she uttered the following
words :
" If there is one misfortune in the world more
hard to bear than aU the rest, it is the being tied
up to a person too old and too stupid for any-
thing."
IN AMERICA. 63
The meek-spirited Louisa, who knew that a
storm must come, had been actually quivering,
inside and out, from head to foot, in the expecta-
tion of it ; and though the breeze that now began
to whistle in her ears was not of the most balmy
or gentle quality, she still felt in some sort re-
lieved that it had begun, probably because the
evils we anticipate are always more terrible in our
imaginings than in the reality. It was, therefore,
with a very perceptible attempt at a cheerful
manner that she replied,
"Come, dear Matilda! don't fret yourself!
You can't think how it spoils your good looks. .^---^
And besides, my dear sister, you ought to remem-
ber that if two people are tied together, as you
call it, the one young and the other old, the
one clever and the other stupid, the clever and
young one has so much the best of it, that she
ought to thank God day and night, that she is
not the other one."
" It is much that I have to thank God for,
isn't it ?" bitterly replied the unfortunate cadette.
" I, that never do, never can, and never shall, I sup-
pose, have any one single thing that I wish for I
Whatever you say, Louisa, I must beg that you
64 THE BARNABYS
will not be so disgustingly hypocritical as to pre-
tend to tell me I am not unhappy. Oh ! I am
miserable !"
" I do believe you are, my poor dear Matilda,"
retm-ned the elder, her eyes filling with tears,
"and that it is which prevents my being so
perfectly happy as the goodness of God ought to
make me : for to tell you the truth, I don't a bit
mind being old and stupid — because I have got
used to it, I suppose. But I do mind seeing
you fret, and pine and take on so, and all because
nobody just happens to come in the way for you
to be married to."
" Don't speak of that, if you please. You had
much better let that subject alone," interrupted
Matilda, in accents as little soothing as it is easy
to imagine. " Unless, indeed, you wish to torture
me, which may very likely be the case ; and if so,
you cannot do better than go on."
" Oh ! Matilda ! Matilda ! how can you speak
so ? I never in my whole life wished to do any
thing in the world but please you. And God
knows, I love you quite as dearly as I do myself,
or I might say better, and that without telling
any fib, for I would always a great deal rather
IN AMERICA. 63
have you pleased than be pleased myself; and, be
as angry as you will with me, Matilda, you
cannot say it is my fault that you are not married
yet."
" Not say it is your fault ?" screamed Matilda,
suddenly standing still, and turning round so as
to throw a broadside of indignant eye-beams
under the bonnet of her suffering sister ; '"'■not
your fault? That passes by far any thing that I
could have thought it possible for a human being
to utter ! Not your fault that I am not married !
And who was it then, if you please, who pre-
vented my being at this very moment Mrs. Fox-
croft ? I can bear any thing better than false-
hooBL Miss Louisa Perkins. And, therefore,
I wiliest beg you, as a favour, never to say that
again.' Tj -jx
" Glad aiK^glad shall I be to leave off saying
any thing that you don't like to hear, Matilda ;
but sometimes I don't find out what it is tiU
too late. We will never talk any more about
Mr. Foxcroft then. It is the best resolution we
can take, for we know he is a bad man, and not
worth any body's talking about."
" And that I suppose you say to please me
QQ THE BARNABYS
too, kno\^ing as you do, cruel, hard-hearted crea-
ture, that I still doat upon liim to distraction !"
replied Matilda, in violent agitation. " Poor,
poor Foxcroft 1" she added, while the em-
broidered pocket-handkerchief which she carried
was raised to her eyes. " How different would
now have been your fate had you fallen into other
hands. His only fault under Heaven was the
excess of his love for me. His fond heart
shrunk from the idea of seeing me hving "upon
an income that he thought unworthy of my taste
and refinement, and for this, and this only, you
lacerate my soul, by making me listen to your
eternal abuse of him."
" Indeed I am very sorry to hear you are so
much in love with him still," returned her
sister ; " and rather than that, I do think, my
dear, that it is better to remind you of what you
heard yourself, you know. I mean his wanting
so very much to marry me for the sake of my
little fortune."
" He never wanted to marry you," replied the
indignant Matilda. "You totally mistook his
meaning — I am sui'e of it. All his object was
to endeavom^ to soften your heart towards me,
IN AMERICA. 67
and persuade you, if it was possible, into fairly
dividing your fortune between us. And this you
have chosen to twist and turn into his offering
to marry you. But this is only of a piece vrith
all the rest. You were born to tyi'annize over
me, and destroy me, and nothing is left for me
but to submit. Oh ! how often," she added,
with a deep groan, and casting her eyes upon
the Serpentine River, which they were at that
moment passing, " how often do I long to plunge
into that placid water, and bury my misery in it
for ever."
Miss Matilda Perkins had certainly, during
her thii'ty-six years of existence, tried pretty
nearly every species of device for the manage-
ment and subjugation of her truly affectionate
elder sister ; but somehow or other, it had never
before occurred to her that she might threaten
suicide ; and now it was probably only the op-
portune sight of the water which had suggested
the idea. But whatever the cause, she speedily
felt inclined to bless the effect ; for never before
had she, even in her most energetic moments of
eloquence, uttered words productive of such
powerful results. Miss Louisa turned as pale as
68 THE BARNABYS
ashes, and trembled \asibly in every limb ; she
clutched the arm of her sister with convulsive
strength, and hurried her onward, though lite-
rally without the power of speaking a single
word.
The effect of her experiment was not lost on
Miss Matilda ; she attempted not to break the
really awful silence which now reigned between
them, but suffered her sister to di-ag her onward
unresistingly tUl they had reached their own door.
The knocker was made to do its office, but still
they spoke not, and the door being opened, they
mounted, Miss Matilda first, and Miss Louisa
afterwards, to their drawing-room. There the
really miserable elder sister seated herself, and
bui'st into tears. The younger permitted them to
flow for some minutes uninterruptedly, assuming
meanwhile herself what she intended should be
an aspect of dogged despair. At length, the
poor Louisa endeavoured to rally ; she drew off
her gloves, and tidily rolled them up ; then re-
moved her shawl from her shoulders, and began
a similar notable process upon it, smoothing and
folding it upon her knee, but certainly looking
all the time as miserable as it was well possible
IN AMERICA. 69
to be. Matilda watched her closely ; and per-
ceiving that, notwithstanding her melancholy,
she was gradually recovering from the shock she
had received, and returning too nearly to the
usual sensations of daily existence, she took off
her bonnet, which she threw down, (notwith-
standing it had a new feather in it), with an air
highly theatrical, shook back her ringlets, stood
up, approached her sister, placed herself imme-
diately before her, and thus addressed her :
" Louisa ! — The time is come when it is ab-
solutely necessary that we should understand one
another. The existence I have been leading
under your care and control, has become much
too painfrJ to endiu-e, and I have come at length
to the firm determination of changing or of end-
ing it. The choice, Louisa, as to whether I
shall make some effort to lessen the misery I
endure, or destroy myself, I shall leave
wholly to you. If you will immediately, readily,
and cheerfully consent to accompany our friends,
the O'Donagoughs, to America, I will consent
to live, and wiU exert myself to the very utmost
to render existence to both of us more happy in
the new world, than it has ever been in the old.
'/
70 THE BARNABYS
But if you refuse this, if you persist in keeping
me chained to this sterile land, where the best
and tenderest feelings of the human heart are
checked and blighted by the constant fear of
not having money enough to maiTy upon — if, I
say, you do this, instead of permitting me to try
my chance in a new world, I solemnly declare to
you, that I will put an end to my life ; and
when the a\vful deed is done, you may learn, too
late, the danger of torturing the human soul
beyond its powers of endurance. Now then,
Louisa, speak ! Decide ! I abide your decision,
and you must abide its consequences !"
Inexpressibly temfied at these dreadful words,
the unhappy Louisa was ready to grant aU, and
every thing that was demanded of her, and
eagerly throwing her arms round the tail, thin
figure of her sister, as she stood before her, she
exclaimed,
"Upon one condition, Matilda, I agree to
every thing. You shall go, we will both go
whenever and wherever you wiU, if you will only
make me one promise."
" Name it," said Matilda, eagerly.
" Only promise me, my dearest sister, that if
IN AMERICA. 71
I consent to your wishes in this, you will never
think of killing yourself. Not even if you
should not happen to get any gentleman to marry
you in America."
" I promise," responded Matilda, solemnly.
Louisa exclaimed, " Thank God !" but the
next moment heaved a heavy sigh. Whether
this was caused by the remembrance of her own
promise, or breathed as a relief from the fulness
of joy occasioned by that of her sister, may be
doubtful. But be this as it may, the business
was settled. Matilda, in a cheerful voice, re-
minded her sister that a gentleman who had the
eye of all the state authorities fixed upon him,
like Mr. O'Donagough, would not be permitted
to linger long after receiving notice that he was
to go. And having given this necessary hint,
she instantly set to work herself upon drawers
and boxes, and by the vigorous earnestness
of her labours, gave the strongest proof of
the vivacity of the feelings which prompted
them.
It is needless to follow the preparations of the
party thus about to leave England together for
the United States ; suffice it to say, that ever}^
72 THE BARNABYS
one of them, including Don Espartero Christi-
nino Tomorino, was so active and expert in the
several operations they were called upon to per-
, form, that in less than a week their passage was
, [ / taken in a fine ship l}ing in the river and bound
for New Orleans, their goods packed and on
board, their various affairs, agencies, and respec-
tive money concerns satisfactorily settled, and
one and all of them perfectly ready to go on
board.
The above-mentioned Don, indeed, though
hitherto so slightly known to the reader, and
rather to be considered as a stranger than an
old acquaintance, will be found hereafter to pos-
sess many noble qualities, well deser\ing a share
in the affectionate feelings, which I flatter myself
his companions have already excited. The only
circumstance preliminar}- to their sailing, which it
is farther necessary to mention, is, that the prin-
cipal personage, and he who was considered on
all sides as the hero of the expedition, decided,
after giving a good deal of consideration to the
subject, that for many reasons, into which it is
totally unnecessary to enter, it would be advisable
that he should not appear in America under
IN AMERICA. 73
either of his former appellations ; but, as a still
farther compliment to his ever-admired wife,
they should assume the style and title of Major
and Mrs. Allen Barnaby.
VOL. I.
E
74 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER VI.
Various reasons for not finding a river voyage tediousr—
Some account of the early years of Don Tomorino —
Delightful contrast furnished by his present situation
— The soul of Miss Matilda Perkins is entranced in
the ecstacy of hope.
The mind of a passenger on board a mer-
chant-vessel working her way up the Thames,
with very little wind, and that little not above
half favom-able, must be exceedingly preoccupied
if he do not find this part of his expedition very
long and very dull. But notwithstanding the
great variety of temperament by which the
various indi^iduals of the party we are about to
accompany were distinguished, there was not
one of them who, strictly speaking, could be said
to suffer from this evil.
Miss Louisa Perkins, indeed, might, to a
IN AMERICA. 75
supei-ficial observer, have been classed as one of
the above-named victims of a slow progress
through a disagreeable region. But though her
pale, thin visage had no more movement or
animation in it, than that of a whiting boiled
yesterday — though her very light grey eyes had
a plentiful lack of speculation in them, and
though she spoke not and moved not, I, who
have the happy privilege of knowing eveiy
thought of her heart, take upon me to declare
that no idea that the river was long or dull ever
entered her head. She was there, poor thing,
seated on the pea-green bench, formed by the
top of the chicken-coop, on puipose to be mise-
rable. Not that her temper was of that sour
quality which leads its possessor to find an in-
dulgence in being uncontrolledly cross; on the
contrary, the temper of Miss Louisa Was essen-
tially gentle and kind ; but this gentleness and
this kindness had led her on the present occa-
sion to do precisely the very thing that she
most abhorred, and in truth she could hardly
choose but be miserable. She hated every
country and every thing that was not English,
and every thing that was American, most of all
E 2
J
76 THE BARNABYS
she loathed the smell of a ship, she detested the
sea, and had never been in a boat to cross a
ferry without being rather sick. And to add to
all this, she greatly doubted the efficacy of their
present scheme for remedying the staple misery
of her sister's existence ; that is to say, she
greatly doubted the probability of finding an
American gentleman more inclined to marry a
young lady of six-and-thirty without money than
an Enghsh one. So that on the whole, it w^as
hardly possible that she could be otherwise than
sad; her only comfort, as she gazed upon the
dirty water thi'ough which the vessel was crawl-
ing, being the reflection that she had saved her
sister from jumping into some very like it.
As to the hero of the party, as I have
already very fitly designated Major Allen Bar-
naby, he^stood in a manly and commanding
attitude, his arms a-kimbo, and his legs " a-
straddle," in the style of one of the Sieur
Da\dd's classic Greeks ; sometimes looking
ahead, sometimes looking astern, but always
\\ith an air of consciousness that the bark which
bore him and his fortunes carried no ordinary
freight. The river was neither long nor duU to
IN AMERICA; 77
him — could he forget how he last navigated in
the same direction ? Could he forget how
much he had added to his Httle hoard since he
passed up it in the other? Could he fail to
feel that his glorious intellect and his happy
star had enabled him again and again to rise
triumphant out of misfortunes which must have
ov^hvhelmed a man of lesser genius? And
remembering all this, could he do otherwise
than look forward with bold hope and unshrink-
ing confidence to the fresh career that was open-
ing before him? To him the tedious river-
voyage was but a soothing interval, during
which he could indulge, without interruption or
restraint, in a series of exciting calculations and
a succession of reveries, each bringing flatter-
ingly before his mind's eye the immense supe-
riority of the new world over the old, in all the
arts of a highly advanced state of society ; and
a complacent smile settled on his features as he
thought of it.
Mrs. O'Donagough, to do her justice, seldom
felt any thing to be tedious ; she could always
find, or make opportunities for displaying both
her mind and body to advantage ; and who that
78 THE BARNABYS
does this can ever find any portion of existence
fatio-uing ? Before the ship reached the Downs,
she had made pretty nearly every sailor on board,
as well as the captain and the three mates,
understand that she knew very nearly as much
about a ship as they did — that besides all the
personal beauty which remained to her (and she
really managed to take off ten years of her
fifty-five much better than the generahty of
those who try their talents at the same ope-
ration), besides all that remained, she clearly
made them all understand, that she had some
few years ago been infinitely handsomer still.
To the cook she gave some admirable in-
structions in ship cookery. On the mind of the
steward she strongly impressed the necessity of
furnishing the passengers, particularly the ladies,
with a liberal allowance of good toddy if he
wished to keep them from the horrors of sea-
sickness, and she made the little black cabin-
boy thoroughly understand, that if ever he hoped
to see the coloiu- of her money he must never
fail to come to her whenever she called, let who
would want him elsewhere. With all this to
be done, could she find the river-voyage too long ?
IN AMERICA. 79
As to Don Tornorino and his lady, they had
both mutually and separately much to amuse
them. The gentleman had very many reasons
for feeling himself happy and contented, and
truly he was so ; but to what an extent no one
can guess who is unacquainted with his previous
history, and as his fate is now so closely united
to that of the amiable race to whose memoirs I
am thus sedulously devoting myself, a slight
sketch of his early life may be desirable.
As I pique myself upon the unvarnished truth
of my narratives, I shall honestly confess to the
reader that Don Espartero et ccstera Tornorino
was not by birth an hidalgo ; on the contrary,
indeed, his mother was a washerwoman and his
father a tailor. But in a country where the
wholesome exercise of revolution is going on so
prosperously as it has been long doing in Spain,
it matters little what a man's father may be,
provided he himself knows how to profit by the
delightful whirlwind of accidents by which he is
sure to be surrounded.
The young Tornorino was a very pretty boy, t^
and he was a very sharp boy ; and moreover he
was a very musical boy ; and by the help of all
80 THE BARNABYS
these good gifts together, there were few young-
sters in that not very tranquil country who had
so pleasant a life. He was very rehgious, too,
and aU the priests that were left in Madrid made
much of him. He both danced and sung to
perfection, and Juan Christino delighted in him.
Several semstresses were willing to make him
shirts for nothing ; and there was not a cook's
shop in the city, that had a woman in any part
of the establishment, where he might not get the
very best of dinners for the asking. Besides aU
this, his excellent and patriotic father had become
a chef-d'escadron to some faction or other, I
reaUy forget what, and his mother, lady of the
bedchamber to her Majesty ; so that his position
in society appeared as assured as it was brilliant,
and a happier young Don never strutted through
the highways and byways of Madrid than the
young raven-haired Tornorino.
All this lasted till he was twenty-four years
old and three months, and then, poor fellow,
just as he had got confirmed in every habit of
extravagance, luxury, and indulgence, he was
hteraUy turned from the court into the gutter.
His father was shot as a traitor, having very
IN AMERICA. 81
unluckily been caught in the fact of appropriating
some small regimental funds that happened to
come in his wa}^ His mother was discarded
from her high and very distinguished office, and
a young milliner installed in her place ; and the
poor petted son, for no reason in the world that I
know of, save that he had outlived the royal
laay's favour, was also informed that his at-
tendance was no longer required. The unfortu-
nate widow of the gallant chef-d'escadron died
of starvation within the year, and her accomplished
son sold eleven of his twelve guitars, all his
gold snuff-boxes, and five of his six sword-knots,
in order to convey himself to England, and try
his fortune there.
And a dismal fortune it proved, poor fellow !
As soon as the few naps he had brought with
him had disappeared, he tried a greater variety
of expedients to get more than I have time to
record. Among other things he played in the
orchestra at Dniry Lane, and danced in the
ballets at Co vent Garden- — he gave lessons in
most living languages to all who would be so
kind as to learn, and offered to teach the guitar
for a shilling a lesson.
E 3
82 THE BARNABYS
But somehow or other nothing succeeded with
him. He was almost always taking a siesta
when he ought to have been rehearsing at the
theatre ; and he no sooner got a pupil than he
began making love to the mother or the sister,
and so got kicked into the street. Then every
farthing of money he got he was obliged to
spend at some Leicester-square restaurant's,
where he could obtain a plat or two, seasoned
with a little garlic, for he felt as if he reaUy must
die if he attempted to swallow a chop or a steak
prepared for him at his lodgings. But after all,
there was really as little harm in him as could
reasonably have been expected under the circum-
stances ; and amongst the multitudinous patriots
with which London abounds, Patty might easily
have done worse.
The variety of pleasant thoughts which now
chased each other through the young man's
head as he sat beside his bride, quietly and
smilingly receiving and returning her caresses,
was perfectly delightful. By far the most dis-
tinguishing feature of his mind was a love of
case, and, indeed, of indulgence of all kinds, and
this had made the privations endured since
IN AMERICA. 83
reaching England something almost too dreadful
to think of. His reverence for the father and
mother of his young v^dfe knew no bounds. He
saw that their manner of living was exceedingly-
far removed (as far at least as he could judge of
it) from dry mutton-chops, hard beef-steaks,
black cold potatoes, and muddy beer. These
various articles had formed a large portion of his
misery for the last four years ; and the idea that
he was now to live daintily (comparatively speak-
ing) and do no work, wrapped his senses in a sort
of sweet elysium that kept him in a continual
smile. Moreover he loathed, hated and abomi-
nated the climate of England to a degree, that
made the act of sailing away from it something
little short of rapture. He was going to see the
sun again ! The very name of New Orleans,
whenever it reached his ears, caused him to dis-
play his weU-set white teeth to an unmitigated
excess ; and so perfectly well satisfied was he
with his present position, that had Queen Chris-
tina stood before him, he would have snapped his
fingers at her, and woidd hardly have consented
to change it, had the great general whose name
he had assumed offered his own to him instead.
84 THE BARNABYS
As for Patty — nobody who knows Patty could
doubt for a moment her being in a state of per-
fect felicity; for in spite of Jack and aU his
false-heartedness she was married, and instead
of having one kiss to talk about, she had now
more than she could count, and the river seemed
to her a very pleasant river, the wind, a ver}^
good wind, and the ship, a v^y nice ship.
But of all this happy, w^eU-contented party,
the most supremely happy, and the most raptu-
rously well-contented was beyond all question
Miss Matilda Perkins. The annoyances that
the Don was lea\ang behind him were light
indeed compared to the various and for-ever
recurring sources of agony which had lacerated
her tender bosom for years.
Never, perhaps, had any woman loved so
often and so devotedly ! Oh ! she felt to the
very centre of her soul that she deser\'ed to be
loved again, and the having failed of this well-
merited reward, and that too through at least
twenty years of unremitting though various
affection, had left a bitterness of indignation at
her heart, which poisoned all her hours, and ren-
dered her life one mournful long-drawn love-lorn
IN AMERICA 85
sigh. But now, how delightfully was all around
her changed ! What a rainbow radiance fell
upon every thought of the future,
Hope sprang aloft upon exulting wings ;
the bark that supported her slight figure, as she
gi'acefully leaned over the taffrail, seemed wafted
by ♦•breezes from heaven, and its sails filled by the
soft sweet breath of love.
Miss Matilda was, in her way, a great reader ;
she had dipped into several accounts of America,
and she was quite aware how exceedingly the
natives were behind hand in all matters of grace
and fashion. What an enormous advantage
therefore would this give her over all the native
daughters of the land! How certain did she
feel that her knowledge of life, her elegant
manners, her particularly small waist, and two or
three new bonnets and dresses which she had
bought at the bazaar two days before she set off,
would place her in a position of immeasurable
superiority above every body that she was at all
likely to be seen with ! In short, her swelling
heart felt no fears for the result ; and the only
thing approaching anxiety which crossed her.
86 THE BARNABYS
mind was the question whether it would be best
for her to accept the first man that offered, or
wait a little to take the advantage of choice.
Miss MatUda certainly did not mean to assi-
milate herself to a housemaid ; nevertheless,
having a general idea that a certain letter con-
cerning Australia, which she had heard greatly
admired, was somehow or other about America,
she could not but recall with interest the his-
torical fact therein mentioned, which records
that marriageable females arriving from the
motherland were so eagerly sought in wedlock
there, that proposals were made to them as they
approached the land through speaking-trumpets.
Had this circumstance been recalled to the mind
of Miss Matilda as one which had influenced
her wish to leave England, it is highly probable
that she would have rejected the suggestion
with disdain, and have declared herself not such
a fool, as to take for earnest, what was perhaps
written in jest.
It is, however, unquestionably certain that
there had been moments in the course of the
last ten years of Miss Matilda Perkins's exis-
tence, during which this graphic image of
IN AMERICA. 87
abounding husbands had returned again and
again to her fancy, throwing a sort of El
Dorado halo around the name of America,
which had not been without its eifect,
" I know it is put down there most likely in
the way of a joke," she had one day said to
herself, in musing monologue; "but for aU
th^, I dare say it means something. There
is no fire without smoke." And Miss Matilda
looked at the map.
But how could her wUdest dreams at that
time have painted the possibility of her ever
traversins; such a world of water ? Yet here she
was, beyond the possibility of a doubt, actually
embarked on board a ship bound to America !
The fact was so extraordinary, so astounding,
so delightful, that sometimes it seemed to
transcend all reasonable belief, and at others to
elevate her spirits almost beyond the power of
restraining them within proper limits. Such a
delightful party too ! Her most particular
friend, a young married woman ! proverbially
the best of chaperons ! And then, her husband
so fond of her ! Such happiness between
them ? continually suggesting to every one who
88 THE BARNABYS
saw them the dear idea of matrimony, as the
easiest and surest mode of attaining perfect
felicity ! Can we wonder that the soul of Miss
MatUda was swimming in bliss, as buoyantly as
the ship was swimming upon the waters ?
And thus they made their way down " the
majestic bosom of the Thames ;" the oiHy
gi-umbling obser\^ation proceeding from the lips
of poor Louisa. And that was not much, she
only muttered to herself, " It is a long lane,
they say, that has no turning ; but, oh dear ! it
is a longer still that has got so many."
IN AMERICA. 89
» CHAPTER VIL
Emotions of the party in landing at New Orleans — Their
reception at Mrs. Carmichael's boarding-house — Pe-
culiar conformation of that lady — The party instal
themselves — The Don proves useful.
We will not a second time follow the O'Do-
nagough — henceforth the Barnaby — family step
by step, or rather knot by knot, across the At-
lantic. After a safe and not particularly long
passage, they arrived at the Balize, and being
placed under the towage of a steamboat, began
to make their way up the lordly, but gloomy-
tempered Mississippi.
" Thank God !" exclaimed Major Allen Bar-
naby — ^for it was thus he now commanded him-
self to be constantly designated — " thank God !"
he exclaimed, as he sprung on shore on the
handsome quay of New Orleans. " We have
90 THE BARNABYS
had a devilish fine passage ; but I am not sorry
it's over."
" We are none of us sorry it's over, I dare
say," replied his portly lady, as soon as she had
recovered her balance upon first finding both
her feet once more on terra jirma. *' We are
the very luckiest creatures upon God's earth,
that's certain, major. How the sun shines,
don't it ?"
The facility with which it was probable " Mrs.
Barnaby" would fall again into her old habit of
calling her husband " major," had, in truth,
been one reason why her John William Patrick
Allen O'Donagough Barnaby had chosen to
assume that title in preference to every other —
and the scheme answered completely; for so
naturally did she resume this appellation, en-
deared to her doubtless by the remembrance of
the early days of her love, that from that time
forward, she was never known to blunder when
addressing him, excepting that now and then at
the name of Allen, which he had slipped in be-
fore that of Barnaby, as if to identify himself,
she would come to a full stop.
" And now, captain," said the restored major,
IN AMERICA. 91
" can you lend us a lad just to take these few
light articles that the custom-house gentlemen
have done with, and show us the way to the
boarding-house you were talking about ?"
" Csesar, cabin-boy, shall go along with ye,"
replied the captain. " Only I'm thinking that
Madam Carmichael wiU hardly, it may be, have
place enough to put you all up, and without
notice given too. But for aU that, you had best
go to her and say I sent you. She'U be able, I
expect, to get some of ye lodged out of the
house if there is not room in it."
The whole party amounting, as we know, to
half a dozen, were by this time collected in a
knot, and ready to start. On the whole, per-
haps, they did not present a very elegant coup-
d'ooil, but it is rarely that any ladies appear to
advantage on arriving from a voyage. Yet they
had all, save the poor, worn-out Miss Louisa,
done the best they could towards restoring their
appearance. Mrs. Barnaby had liberally re-
freshed her rouge, and put on a clean coUar —
but her " front" was sadly out of repair, being,
in fact, entirely worn out, and permitting her
copious locks of dappled grey to peep forth in
92 THE BARNABYS
various places fi-orn amidst the scanty sable, with
which it was her object to conceal them. Ma-
dame Tornorino, however, certainly looked a
great deal handsomer than she ever did before
in the whole course of her life, for she was
almost pale, and considerably thinner than before
her voyage ; but her costume was anything but
in good repair, and she had not, Hke her
mamma, thought it necessary to put on a clean
collar. The hopeful, ardent-minded Matilda,
was unhappily thinner than ever, and so pale,
that as she turned her eyes from her own cheeks,
as shown to her one at a time in the useful httle
glass set at the back of her hair-brush, as she
turned her eyes from those pale cheeks to the
glowing bloom on those of Mrs. Barnaby, she
suddenly and secretly came to the resolution, that
for the future she would herself (in a moderate
way) take advantage of the aid which nature,
with her usual provident kindness, has prepared
for the fading carnations of females of delicate
constitution. For the present, however, this
was out of her power, as Mrs. Barnaby's rouge
was always locked up ; but she thought that
at the present moment she should lose little by
IN AMERICA. 93
the pallid delicacy, which, in consideration of her
long voyage, could not but be interesting. She
therefore gave all the care that circumstances
would permit to other decorations. For how
was it possible she could tell who she might
see ? Not only did she put on a clean collar,
but a clean cap too ; yet she suffered her hair to
fall Somewhat too languidly on each side of her
face, for it was a little out of curl. But oh !
how she pitied poor dear Mrs. Barnaby for
having all her beautiful hair turning grey ! • and
how heartily she thanked Heaven in her heart
of hearts, that not even her sister Louisa had a
grey hair, which plainly showed it was not in
the family, and gave her the most charming
hope for her own future. So her gauze cap,
with its pale pink bows, was set very far back on
her head, and the bonnet which was lightly
placed upon it, had quite the air of a chapeau
de jolie femme. The two gentlemen, also, had
somewhat refreshed their toilets, in compliment
to the character given of Mrs. Carmichael by
her friend the captain, which was, that she was
as first-rate a lady as any in the place, and " un-
accountable smart to be sure."
94 THE BARNABYS
With a light truck to convey such haggage as
they were permitted to take from the ship, be-
fore the Custom-house had done its duty, the
young negro, Csesar, moved on before them, and
the party followed under a broiling sun to the
boarding-house.
Excepting Don Toniorino, who luxuriated in
the warmth like a humming-bird, the whole set
felt ready to lie down and expire before they had
traversed half the distance they had to go. But
as the major strode resolutely on without flinch-
ing, the foui' ladies felt that they must stride
resolutely on too, and they did so with a degree
of endming patience that did them honour.
Fortunately, on arriving at the house of Mrs.
Carmichael, they were desired to " walk into the
keeping-room ;" had they been turned fi'om the
door, the most of them felt quite certain that
they should not have lived to reach another.
It is almost worth while, however, to endure
the fervid heat of a southern cHmate, for the sake
of enjoying the delicious devices by which the
ingenuity of that very clever creature, man, con-
trives to quench its terrors, and tui'n its very
torment into luxury.
IN AMERICA. 95
The apartment into which Mrs. Carmichael's
negi-o footman showed the panting Europeans,
was a room of some forty feet long, by twenty
wide, and lofty in proportion. The expansive
floor was covered by cool-looking matting, and
round the walls were ranged a variety of sofas,
formed for lounging in eveiy possible attitude of
Louisianian indolence. Four ample windows
opened hke folding-doors upon a balcony, ren-
dered almost impervious to the light, by being
on all sides suiTounded by Venetian blinds ; and
on a table within the room stood one or two
enormous decanters of water, with lumps of ice
floating in them ; tumblers of all sizes, about a
dozen lemons, and abundance of sugar ; while
under the table stood a basket-covered flask of
whiskey, of a goodly size ; a dozen or two of
light cane-bottomed chairs were scattered about
the room, lying upon many of which, as v/eU as
upon the tables and sofas, were a multitude of
large feather-fans, the profusions of which might
have stmck the strangers as a whimsical pecu-
liarity, had not their obvious utility been so verj^
strongly felt.
" My goodness gracious, what a heavenly
96 THE BARNABYS
place !" cried Patty, instantly taking possession
of a sofa, throwing herself at full length upon it,
and seizing upon the largest fan within her
reach. " By your leave, ladies," she added,
taking off her bonnet, and tossing it upon the
ground, " married women, you know, are always
permitted to take liberties."
" What a blessing, to be sure, to come into
a room like tliis, after such a walk," said Mrs.
Barnaby, carefully wiping her face, so as to re-
move as little of her rouge by the operation as
possible. *' I hope to goodness, major, we arn't
to stay in this horrid climate long. However,
as long as we do stay, we can't be better off than
here, so you must loosen your purse-strings, if
you please, if it should prove that the elegant
lady the captain told us of happens to be rather
upish in her prices."
" We'll see about that, my dear," replied her
husband. " It wiU be a great object, to be sure,
to get into a place where one can breathe. But
money is money, remember, in America as well
as in England."
" II rappelle," said the delighted Spaniard,
" the soft atmosphere of Madiid."
IN AMERICA. 97
" I am sure they must be a most delightful
people," cried Matilda, who, though not a mar-
ried woman, had ventured to follow the example
of Patty, and was both lying down and fanning
herself without ceremony. "How irresistibly,"
said she, " all this seems to suggest ideas of— in
short, I am certain it must be a most domestic
country from the evident care taken to make
home agreeable."
As usual, poor Louisa spoke not. Indeed, she
had hardly done so since she left her native land,
but gently, unobtrusively, and apart, she
groaned.
And now a sound was heard as of the ap-
proach of slippers too large for the wearer's feet,
and kept on by dint of shoving them onwards at
each step, without venturing to raise them from
the ground, and then the voice of hard and
difficult breathing was perceptible, and then the
door of entrance was darkened from side to side,
as if a feather bed, exactly not too large to be
pushed through it, was being thrust into the
room. Of course, the twelve eyes of the new
comers were all turned towards the object thus
appearing before them, and notwithstanding the
VOL. I. F
j
98 THE BARNABYS
obscurity of the apartment, they one and all very
soon became convinced that huge and shapeless
as was the approaching mass, it was nevertheless
a human being, and moreover a woman.
" Smart," murmured Patty, in a voice not
quite audible to the panting dame. "What
could that fool of a captain mean ?" And cer-
tainly in Patty's acceptation of the word, his ap-
plication of it might seem strange enough.
The person of Mrs. Carmichael, the dimen-
sions of which were, seen in whatever direction
she could be placed, very nearly six feet by four,
was not only enormous in size, but so astonish-
ingly out of all ordinary shape, as to make it no
easy matter to clothe it at all. It is not very
surprising, therefore, considering the prodigious
bulk of every hmb, whereby every movement be-
came a labour, that Mrs. Carmichael should get
into her clothes with as little labour and pains as
possible. And then the heat. Poor Mrs. Car-
michael suffered dreadfully from the heat, and
certainly cared greatly less how her draperies
looked in the eyes of others, than how they felt
to herself. So her enormous white caHco gowm,
with its colossal hanging sleeves, was fastened so
IN AMERICA. 99
loosely in the front by one single pin, as to create
perpetual alarm in the bystanders, as to the
stability of the investiture by which this very im-
portant portion of her covering was attached.
There was indeed what might have been about a
yard square of pink gauze loosely tucked in
around the bust ; but even this depended for its
adhesion to the same aforesaid pin, and without
it must have floated away into air still thinner
than itself
Notwithstanding the immensity of Mrs. Car-
michael's person, it was not, as in the case of a
preternaturaUy-expansive oak-tree, the result of
advanced age, every year of which had added to
its bulk. All the fat which had thus miracu-
lously found a resting-place on the bones of
Mrs. Carmichael, had been considerably less than
forty years in collecting itself together, and had
her face been finished by one chin, instead of
three, and the rest of her features in less evident
danger of being smothered, she would have been
far from ill-looking. Excepting the pink gauze
and the white robe already described, with the
probable garment under it, together with her
large slippers, and probable stockings, she was
F 2
100 THE BARNABYS
as much without the foreign aid of ornament as
Eve herself. Stays she had none; she wore
nothing on her head ; nor was there the slightest
reason whatever to suppose, that she was em-
barrassed by any thing more in the way of
clothing than what has already been described.
Excepting the hard-breathing, and an occa-
sional ejaculation expressive of fatigue from
mo^dng, Mrs. Carmichael uttered nothing for
several minutes after she entered the apartment.
Having at length made her way to the part of
the room where Major Allen Bamaby stood
fanning himself, she dropped down upon a large
cane-chaii', without any arms, every part of
which, back and all, became so completely in-
visible, that she seemed to have perched herself
on a three-legged stool — having thus deposited
her person, she fixed her soft eyes on the
Major's face, and seemed to expect that he
should speak first. But her heavy breathings
gave her so much the appearance of being, as
yet, unfit for any exertion, that her \dsiter was
too polite to address her, and it was therefore
Mrs. Carmichael herself wlio at last opened the
conversation.
IN AMERICA. 101
" What is your pleasui'e, sir ?" said she, in a
voice which, notwithstanding her want of breath,
was harmonious, though somewhat drawling.
" I have called, madam," he replied, " at the
request of our friend Captain Tims, to inquire
whether you can accommodate our party with
board and lodging."
'Mrs, Carmichael eyed the numerous group
very complacently.
" For the whole kit of you, sir ?" she de-
manded, with a smile as sweet as it was possible
a smile could be from lips so overwhelmed by
cheeks.
" Yes, madam, for all of us."
" And for a goodish spell, sir ?"
• " Very likely, madam ; but that must depend
on circumstances."
" Of course, sir, of course. Well then, I
don't know — I rather expect I might make it
convene, provided any two of the ladies could
He together."
The two Miss Perkinses exclaimed at the
same moment, " Oh, we can do that, ma'am,
quite well."
" Well now, I calculate it might be done
102 THE BARNABYS
then; but in course you'll be wanting to see
the rooms before you agree; and that's what
black Jessy can do for you."
And so saying, she clapped her great soft
hands together, and though the sound thus
produced was rather a dumb one, it sufficed to
biing a smart-looking negress into the room,
who having received sufficient orders from her
mistress, stepped lightly and not ungracefully
forward to do her bidding, turning her face
towards the strangers, and displaying her white
teeth, as an invitation to them to follow her.
This the " whole kit" did, though with some
reluctance, perhaps, at being obliged to put
themselves in motion again. But the great
large house was really as cool as it was possible
a New Orleans house in the month of July could
be, and they could hardly fail of being satisfied
with the well ventilated rooms, clean mosquito
bars, and handsome wardrobes, which were dis-
played to them.
" This will do, major, capital, won't it ?" said
Mrs. Allen Bamaby, in high good humom-.
" Yes, my dear ; if you will undertake to pay
for it," he replied.
IN AMERICA. 103
"Don't come with any of that sort of non-
sense over me, Donny," she replied, forgetting
herself for a moment. " I am not going to
begin the old Sydney way over again, I promise
you. You'U remember, my dear, that I am a
little more up to your doings than I was then ;
and if I give you the assistance of my talents,
and keep you up with my respectability and
fashion, I shall expect to be comfortably lodged
in return, I promise you."
This was, however, aU conjugally whispered
in the ear of her husband, as they stood apart
together for a moment, in a room that was
decidedly the " biggest and the best," and
which both of them had tacitly selected as their
own.
" We shall see, my dear, we shall see," he
replied, without displaying any marks of anger
at her remonstrance ; " but you know as weU as
I do that every thing must depend upon the
chance of finding people that wiU suit us."
" Of course, dear, of course. But take my
word for it, major, that you will do nothing to
signify, either here or any where else, if you
don't carry it with a high hand at first, and
104 THE BARNABYS
make them understand that you are some-
body."
" You are not far WTong there, my dear ; and
now let's go downi again to our Fatima. By the
way, this New Orleans beauty makes you look
as slender as a girl, my dear Mrs. Allen Bar-
naby."
Some thought of the same kind had already
passed through the analytical head of Mrs.
Allen Bamaby herself, and she felt so kindly
disposed towards the person who could produce
so agreeable an effect, that the negotiation
wliich followed their return to the keeping-room,
was speedily brought to a happy termination.
Poor Miss Louisa Perkins started a little at
hearing that she was to pay ten dollars a week for
herself and her sister ; but permitted herself to be
satisfied upon Mrs. Carmichael's proposing to
abate one, provided the ladies did not mind
sleeping in rather a small room up-stairs that
looked towards the west.
AU preliminaries being thus happily settled,
the party gladly accepted their obliging hostess's
invitation to take possession of the keeping-room
and its sofas, till such time as the amval of their
IN AMERICA. 105
baggage should enable them to settle themseh'es
in theii' own apartments, and get ready for
dinner ; the hour for which, she informed them,
was five o'clock.
It was now nearly two, and some natural
anxiety began to be expressed by the ladies,
lest those ever precious objects of interest, their
truftks, might not anive in time.
And now it was, that for the first time,
Patty's Don gave evidence that it was possible
he might be of some little use, for upon Major
Allen Barnaby's declaring that he neither could
nor would go out again during the heat of the
day, for all the trunks in the world, the young
Spaniard declared that the sun was delightful to
him, and having received the most distinct in-
structions from each particular lady, as to which
particular box, it was especially essential he
should get released for her instantly, he set off
upon his mission, and performed it so well, that
by four o'clock the whole party were made su-
premely happy, by finding themselves in the fiill
enjoyment of their unpacked treasures, and as
well able to make themselves fine, as if they had
never left London. \;
f3 '
106 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER VIII.
Miss Matilda suffers a good deal from sundry difficulties
in dressing herself, but finds consolation in conscious
grace — Mrs. Carmichael's boarders introduced by
name and by fame — Conversation among the ladies —
The sovJ of Mr. Allen Barnaby is awakened to new
objects and new hopes.
At five o'clock precisely an immense dinner-
beU sent its startling sound through every apart-
ment of Mrs. Carmichael's establishment, but
lest the uninitiated strangers might not imme-
diately be aware what the sound meant, a brace
of negro-girls were sent by the attentive hostess,
to tell them that " ebery body was done finished
dressing, and gone down to dinner."
This notice came in welcome time to every
body, except Miss Matilda ; but she, poor dear
young lady, had failed in no less than three dif-
IN AMERICA. 107
ferent head-dresses, which she had attempted to
arrange with a peculiarly novel effect ; and hav-
ing listened unmoved to her sister's repeated en-
treaties to " make haste, and not to mind just
this first day," and so forth, she was at length
obliged to tear herself from her looking-glass, at
the bidding of Black Jessy, with half her lank
rirfglets tucked back, because they would not
curl, after being so long trifled with in the fervid
atmosphere of Mrs. Carmichael's west room.
She was, however, comforted with the conscious-
ness that her dress " sat like wax," and that her
tight sleeves made her look uncommonly young.
With such elasticity of step as this dear thought
sufficed to give her, she preceded her quiet sister
down stars, being ushered into the dining-room
by Jessy, just as about eighteen ladies and
gentlemen, with Mrs, Carmichael at their head,
had taken their places at table.
Some little bustle followed this tardy entrance ;
but this over, the business of the hour began — a
business which in every party varies according to
the individual character of those who conipose it.
Some, as usual, thought most of the nature of
what was put upon the table to eat, and others
108 THE BARNABYS
of the nature of those who sat round the table to
eat it. Eight out of the twelve of Mrs. Carmi-
chael's previous boarders, were gentlemen, a pre-
ponderance highly agreeable to most of the new-
comers.
Don, or Monsieur Tornorino, as Mrs. Car-
michael called him, cared not a straw about the
matter, nor would Miss Louisa have paid more
attention to it than he did, had it not been that
she knew her " poor dear Matilda " would be
pleased ; a comdction which rendered her pleased
too.
Mrs. Allen Barnaby always confessed, that on
the whole, she greatly preferred the society of
gentlemen to that of ladies. Patty, in this,
-appeared likely through life to follow her
mamma's example. The major had almost
given up looking at ladies at all, even to discover
whether they were young or old, handsome or
ugly, so perfectly was he aware that httle or no
profit could be made of them. And as for our
fair Matilda, her feelings on the occasion may
surely be left to the sagacity of the reader to dis-
cover.
" Major Allen Barnaby, gentlemen," said Mrs.
IN AMERICA. 109
Carmichael, with a sort of circular bow to the
table, " and Monsieur Tornorino, his son-in-
law."
This, by all the laws of New Orleans' elegance,
was a proper and sufficient introduction of the
whole party, and as such it was received ; for as
the dinner proceeded, the new guests, whether
rrtale or female, were occasionally addressed with-
out reserve by the former ones. Of these
former ones, two ladies and two gentlemen were
newly-married couples, beginning their married
lives by indulging in a " speU of boarding ;" the
domestic indolence which it permits, rendering,
it in aU parts of the Union, a very favourite por-
tion of human life, but more especially so in the ^
South, where every exertion is considered as a
positive evil. These two exceedingly happy
couples were known respectively by the names of
Mr. and Mrs. Anastasius Grimes, and Mr. and
Mrs. Theodore Hucks. The two other ladies
were a Mrs. and Miss Beauchamp, and one of
the other gentlemen, a Colonel Beauchamp,
the husband of the former, and the father of the
latter lady.
Mrs. Beauchamp, in any other country than
110 THE BARNABYS
-the United States, might still have been consi-
dered as young, for she was stUl remarkably
handsome, and wanted three years of forty. Her
daughter, a young thing of scarcely seventeen,
was as beautiful a girl as it was well possible for
the eye to look upon ; yet aU lovely as she was,
it was probable that she would in a year or two
be more lovely still ; for her graceful form was
almost too slight and elancee for feminine perfec-
tion of outline. But her dark eye already
sparkled with intelligence that looked as if the
spirit were of greater maturity than the fair
shrine it inhabited. She was seated between
her father and mother, who seemed to 'sde with
each other in noting every thing she did, and
every thing she said.
Then there were two elderly gentlemen, who
soon contrived to make it knowni to the strangers
that they were members of congress ; a younger
man, by name Horatio Timmsthackle, who
hinted at Hterary occupations; and another,
younger still, Mr. Washington Tomkins, who
seemed the man of fashion, par excellence, of
the party, for he was more gaily dressed, and
gave himself incomparably more airs than any
IN AMERICA. Ill
one else. Lastly, there was an Englishman, also
a young man ; but he gave himself no airs, and
was in no way remarkably dressed, but being
seated immediately opposite the beautiful Miss
Beauchamp, appeared to find more amusement
in watching her tricks, than in exhibiting any of
his own.
4 And, in truth, this remarkable young lady
afforded him sufficient observation in this way,
for her lively mobility equalled her beauty.
Whether she ate any dinner at all might have
been doubtful at the conclusion of the repast,
even to an accurate observer; for it was very
difficult to note any thing save the expression of
her most beauteous face, which recorded a rapid
succession of observations on every one present.
For the most part, however, these appeared
not to be in the quizzing line, but to be made up
of quick remark and a sort of meditative inter-
pretation, which seemed again and again to be
the consequence of it. Her dress was as much
out of the common way as herself, being com-
posed of the smooth shining Hnen-cloth of which
children's pinbefores are made ; but it was deli-
cately fine, and more of an iron-gray, than of the
112 THE BARNABYS
usual yellowish tint. At the throat and wrists
it was relieved by the plain white collar and
cuiFs which a boy might have worn ; but the
corsage^ which was fastened in front by a row of
little white sugar-loaf buttons, had, like Re-
becca's vest, at the tournament of Ashby-de-la-
Zouche, its two or three last buttons unfastened ;
and where are the pearls, or the diamonds, or
the rubies, or the emeralds, which would have
struck the eye with such a sense of beauty as
did the ivory neck thus displayed ? The dress
was confined round her slender, but not wasp-
like waste, by a neatly-fitting band of the same
material of which it was made, and the whole
effect was enough to have caused a fashionable
dressmaker to hang herself, for it proclaimed,
with an eloquence not to be mistaken, that her
art was worthless. The dark brown silken hair
of the beauty appeared to be all of the same
length, and was gathered into one smoothly
twisted mass, forming a close rich knot at the
back of her beautiful httle head. Madame Tor-
norino was seated at the same side of the table
as this Annie Beauchamp, and the j'oung Eng-
lish man, notwithstanding his etude suivie of
IN AMERICA. 113
the fair American features, threw a glance from
time to time upon his young countrywoman;
the contrast between them was remarkable, and
probably did not escape him.
The conversation at an American dinner-table
is never much, but the major contrived to find
out that the gentleman next him, a Colonel
Wingrove, and one of the members of Congress,
was fond of a game of piquet, and that Mr.
Washington Tomkins, the young man of fashion
who sat opposite, was considered as very rich,
played at billiards and ecarte, was trying to get
up a horse-race, and was ready to bet upon any
thing and every thing. So, on the whole, Major
Allen Barnaby thought the party agreeable, or
at any rate, that the party composing it had the
power of being so.
Considering the number of persons at table,
the repast was over in an incredibly short space
of time ; and then all the gentlemen starting up,
the ladies started up after them, the male part of
the society strolling off to sundry coffee-houses,
and the ladies returning to the " keeping-room,"
where they amused themselves by drinking
lemonade and making conversation.
V
1 1 4 THE BARNABYS
The extreme heat of the weather might have
induced them to scatter themselves as widely as
possible apart, for which species of luxury the
ample apartment was well suited, had it not been
that the natural curiosity of the sex, as well as of
the country, induced the American ladies to
gather round Mrs. Allen Barnaby and her party,
when, by degrees, all reserve disappeared, and
the talk among them flowed as freely as if they
had known each other for years. The massive
Mrs. Carmichael, indeed, soon ceased to be of
the society, for sleep overpowered her, and
stretched at full length and breadth upon an
enormous sofa, she presently ceased to betray
any symptom of animated existence, except
heavy snoring.
"You have come over in an unaccountable
hot season, ladies," said Mrs. Beauchamp, gra-
ciously addressing the whole group. " It will bef
wonderful luck if you all keep out of the fever,
and you all fresh Europeans."
" Is there any catching fever in the town,
ma'am ?" demanded Miss Louisa Perkins, in a
voice of alarm.
" Oh my ! what a funny question," returned
IN AMERICA. 115
Mrs. Beauchamp, laughing. " Why in summer
and autumn time, New Orleans has always got
plenty of fever."
" Dear me ! Then I hope the major will not
think of staying," said Mrs. Allen Barnaby.
" A young married woman like my daughter,
Madame Tornorino, should always be extremely
cayeful of her health."
" Oh ! I don't mind the fever a farthing,"
said Patty, gaily. " I'm so glad we've got here,
for my husband is so delighted with it !"
" That certainly shows that he is a gentleman
of taste," replied Mrs. Beauchamp, " for New
Orleans is, past doubt, one of the finest cities
in the known world."
"Oh, mother! I wish I could see some of
the cities in the wnknown world !" exclaimed her
daughter.
" What the European cities, I expect you
mean, my dear? Well, more unhkely things
have happened than that. An only daughter,
ma'am — perhaps youi'S is an only daughter too,
and then you will quite understand me when I
say, that the only daughter of a gentleman of
good standing, very seldom sets her longing
1 1 6 THE BARNABYS
upon any thing, without having a good chance
of getting it."
" Perfectly true, ma'am," returned Mrs. Bar-
naby, with dignity and feeling. " Madame Tor-
norino is an only daughter, and I cannot deny
that her father's ample fortune has ever antici-
pated her every wish. So you have fixed your
heart upon going to Europe, have you, young
lady ?"
" I ?" said Annie. " Oh no I I have hardly
seen any thing in my own beautiful land yet."
" I only thought so," returned Mrs. Bamaby,
" from what you said about wishing to see the
cities of the unknown world, you know."
" Do you call Europe an unknown world ?"
said Annie, innocently.
"Why, no my dear, certainly not. I did
not mean that of course. But what did you
mean ? Where was it you were wishing to go ?"
" I very seldom mean any thing, ma'am, when
I speak," rephed Miss Beauchamp.
" I hope our daughters will become well ac-
quainted," said Mrs. Beauchamp, looking with
a good deal of interest at the handsome silks
and satins of the English mother and daughter.
IN AMERICA. 117
"Though your young lady is married, I can
promise her that she will find our Annie as
smart a person as ever she came across in her
life. She is quite famed tliroughout the Union,
already."
" Smart ?" again muttered the puzzled Patty,
fixing her eyes on Annie's brown-hoUand dress.
But notwithstanding the utter contempt which
she felt for her claims to smartness, she was too
sociably disposed to neglect this offered opportu-
nity of improving her acquaintance with a native,
and drawing a chair close to the sofa on which
the young American was seated, she began what
she intended should be a very intimate conversa-
tion.
" I dare say you will be full of envy about my
being married, won't you ? But that must not
prevent our being capital good friends. I dare
say you will be married soon. How old are
you?"
" I think mamma can teU you better than I
can," replied Miss Beauchamp. " I have an
exceedingly bad memory."
" How very odd !" cried Patty, staring at her.
•'Not know how old you are? Why, if you
118 THE BARNABYS
was not so young and so pretty," she added,
lowering her voice, *' that is, if you were like my
dear friend there, Miss Matilda Perkins, I should
understand it. She is always making mistakes
about what age she is. But that is all very na-
tural, isn't it ?"
And Patty looked at her poor friend Matilda,
and laughed. But Annie neither looked,
laughed, nor answered, but sat immoveably still,
looking as much hke a fool as she could possibly
contrive to do. Poor Matilda, meanwhile, who
felt that her American campaign could not pos-
sibly begin tUl she had made some acquaintance
with the natives, was receiving, with the most
pleased and zealous attention, some little initia-
tory civilities from Mrs. Grimes and Mrs.
Hucks.
"You are dii'ect from London, I expect,
ma'am ?" said Mrs. Grimes.
"Yes, from London, direct, ma'am," re-
sponded Miss Matilda, delighted with the op-
portunity thus afforded her of putting the stamp
of fashion upon every thing she did, and every
thing she wore.
"I wish to goodness you had come direct
IN AMERICA. 119
from Paris instead!" said Mrs. Hucks. "I
expect you know, ma'am, that the people of
fashion in the Union, from Maine to Georgia, I
may say, don't lay any great stress upon the
fashion of London. We calculate that we have
long ago given the go-by to that old city. But
Paris is something. We are all ready and will-
ing tb knock under there, in the article of taste
and the fine arts, such as miUinery, dress-
making, and the like. We count that England
is worn out altogether in that respect, which is
the reason, I expect, why folks call it the old
country."
This was a terrible blow to poor Matilda;
nevertheless her spirits rallied again, as she re-
collected how very much nearer Paris was to
London than New Orleans, and much more
anxious to conciliate than to triumph, she
gently replied, "That is just what we aU say
ourselves. We all consider every thing in
London as exceedingly old-fashioned, excepting
just what is brought over to us fresh from Paris,
which happens very often, you know, because of
the two places being so near."
Mrs. Allen Barnaby, who had overheard the
120 THE BARNABYS
latter part of this conversation, here volunteered
her valuable assistance to Miss Matilda, and
feeling quite as desirous of being considered
as an arrival of fashionable importance as
her fi-iend could be, with a vastly bolder
spirit whereby to defend her claim, she speed-
ily took the business very effectively into her
own hands.
"Nothing can be more correct, ma'am, than
your observ^ation respecting the London fashions,"
said she, " I am sui'e one might think you were
just come from Europe to hear you, for all you
say is exactly as if a London lady was saying it.
But of course you know, ma'am, how we manage
about these matters ? When I say we, I mean
to be understood as speaking of people of first-
rate importance and fashion, who have been in-
troduced at court, you know, and all that ; for
the common middling kind of gentry really know
very little about the matter, and are as well con-
tented when they put their vulgar stupid heads
into a London-made bonnet, as if it had been
brought express from Paris. But we, of the
upper classes, cannot endure any thing of the
kind. Couriers arrive in London from Paris
IN AMERICA. 121
four times in every day, for no other purpose in
the world than just to bring over bonnets and
dresses. You cannot think what a pretty sight
it is, just after one of these spring vans has
arrived, to see the unpacking of the cases in the
rooms of the fashionable milliners ! I really do
not know any thing so elegant and so interesting !
No dadies, however, who have not been presented
at court, are ever permitted to be present on
these occasions. It was absolutely necessary,
you know, to make some arrangement and
regulation of this kind, or the milliners' rooms
would have been filled with a perfect mob. But
since this has been finally settled, nothing can
be more elegant than the company one meets on
these occasions."
" ReaUy ! Well now that does seem to be a
very queer idea, to be sure, let who wiU have
invented it !" said Mrs. Beauchamp, with a little
air of disdain. " But pray, ma'am, are gentlemen
ever admitted ?" •
"Certainly they are," replied Mrs. Men
Bamaby with dignity. " Such, I mean, as have
been presented at court."
" Oh ! then Mr. Robert Owen goes to see
VOL. I. G
122 THE BARNABYS
the caps and bonnets, I expect," said Annie
Beauchamp, innocently.
"If he is a man of fashion I dare say he
does," answered the not-too-well-informed Mrs.
AUen Bamaby.
The young lady did not reply, but closed her
eyes as if disposed to sleep. The conversation,
however, proceeded between the other ladies,
who all, with the exception of Miss Louisa,
seemed anxious to hear what further Mrs. Allen
Barnaby would say, and Mrs. Beauchamp
answer.
" It was but a day or two before we quitted
London," said the former lady, " that we paid
our compliments for the last time this season to
her Majesty, Queen Victoria, and a sweet, pretty,
amiable creature she is, I assure you. It is a
gi'eat advantage, ma'am, especially where one
has a young daughter to bring out, to have the
privilege of going to court. There is nothing in
the whole world will stand in the place of that —
positively nothing."
" I will teU you what, my good lady," returned
Mrs. Beauchamp, her handsome eyes looking
rather fierce, and her complexion considerably
IN AMERICA. 123
heightened. " I will tell you one thing out of
pure cleverness and good nature. I expect you
won't find it answer coming over American
ladies wdth long stories about going to court, be-
cause it is the very thing of all creation that we
most hate, despise, and abominate. You can't, I
expect, though you do come from the old
ccfuntry, you can't be so unaccountable ignorant
as not to know that a court is a thing we would
no more permit in this country than we would
the putting of poison into our bread ; that the
very name of it turns us sick, and that all the
unfortunate people, that God, in one of his mys-
teries, permits still to be the pitifying victims of
such unnatural and degrading oppression, ought
never to mention such a thing in the presence of
a free citizen, any more than they would any
other disgraceful or indecent misfortune that un-
happily belonged to them."
Mrs. AHen Barnaby was so completely thun-
derstruck and overpowered by this unexpected
burst of eloquence, that almost for the first time
in her life she felt unable to answer a word. It
is probable that Mrs. Beauchamp, who, excepting
when her patriotic feelings (upon which she
G 2
124 THE BARNABYS
particularly prided herself) were touched, was
really a very amiable woman— it is highly proba-
ble that she not only saw, but lamented the very
violent effect she had produced. She would
have scorned and hated herself had she, upon
hearing a person actually boast of having been at
a court (without being forced to go there by poli-
tical necessity, like the American ministers) — •
she would have scorned, hated, and belittled her-
self for ever, had she heard this without raising
the hallowed voice of freedom to express her
sense of its baseness. But she did not the least
in the world wish to be otherwise than exceedingly
polite and genteel in her demeanour to Mrs.
Allen Barnaby, and aU other European ladies.
Such were now her secret feelings as she watched
the perturbed and puzzled countenance of Mrs.
Men Barnaby, and had she known then she
would very likely have parodied against herself
the famous Hnes —
Perhaps it was right to dissemble your love.
But why did you kick me down stairs ?
Under the influence of feelings such as these,
Mrs. Beauchamp determined to make it manifest
IN AMERICA. 125
to the strangers, that a perfect "American female"
could be as much celebrated and distinguished for
her politeness and her literature, as for her patriot-
ism and political superiority. With this view, she
at once changed her heroic tone for one of familiar
kindness, and said, " I must not let you, Mrs.
Allen Barnaby, and these other ladies, who have
come such a curious long way to see our western
wonder of the world — I must not let you all
fancy that the patriotic warmth of our free
notions, blind us to aU those accomplishments
as have nothing to do with the government. It
is quite the contrary, I assure you, and I expect
that you'll realise this fact before you have been
long in the country. The great point of aU with us
Ms your literature, you know, which we make a
most particular principle of studying. And that,
to our honour be it spoken, even now, when we
are quite availed of the fact, that we have for
some months past, by our native productions,
gone far beyond any thing that ever was printed,
or written in the old world. But this, of course, ''^'«'
can't touch any of us in the manner of a sur-
prise, because all philosophical people know that
a soil that is close worked up and worn out.
\.
Vi/
^J
126 THE BARNABYS
can't be expected to produce things as fine and
as flourishing, as new soil. There is nobody, I
expect, that will venture to contradict that, now-
a-days. But never a bit the less for that, we
are still ready to extend the hand of patronage to
European talent. x\nd, I'll tell you what, ladies,
there is stOl, notwithstanding the temble great
advance which our authors have lately made be-
fore the English, there is still one way in which
an English gentleman, or lady either, might put
eveiy body of all countries in the world behind
them in the point of fame ; and that is by writ-
ing an out-and-out good book of travels upon the
United States. I calculate that there is nobody
bold enough to deny that it is the finest subject
in the world, and so it would have been, no
doubt of it, if nobody had ever put pen to paper
about it. But when one thinks of all the lies
that have got to be contradicted, one must be a
fool not to see that such a book might be made
as would render the author's name as glorious
throughout the Union as that of general Lafayette
himself. And as to doEars ! Oh, my ! There
would be no end to the doUars as would be made
by it."
IN AMERICA. 127
Mrs. Allen Barnaby, through all the various
changes and chances of her life, must ever have
appeared to the reader what she really was —
namely, a woman of very extraordinary acuteness.
Though in general, perhaps, more of a talker
than a listener, she felt as she now listened to
Mrs. Beauchamp, that at the present moment
mych more was to be gained by acquiring than
by giving information ; and when her first dis-
may, occasioned by Mrs. Beauchamp's patriotic
outbreak, had subsided, she gave her earnest
and undivided attention to every syllable she
uttered.
It must elevate the characters of both Major
AUen Barnaby and his lady in the mind of my
readers, when they are told that they were at
this period of their lives on much more confi-
dential terms together than at any former time
since their union.
Both these excellent persons had their pecu-
liarities, and though on many points it was quite
impossible that any two people could assimilate
better, there were others respecting which the
major had felt when they first married, that they
might not perhaps, from the difference of their
* •
128 THE BARNABYS
previous habits of life, hold precisely the same
opinions. Under this impression he had, in
many cases, entirely concealed some little circum-
stances which he thought might possibly startle
his lady, and so managed others, as gently to
bring before her eyes whatever he wished should
become famUiar to them, and thus, by degrees,
had gradually led her to a degree of independent
thinking on most subjects, hardly inferior to his
own — so that now he had really scarcely a
thought that he concealed from her, and she
was quite as well aware that his position was at
this time a little critical as he could be, himself.
It was doubtless for this reason that she now
listened to Mrs. Beauchamp with such deep
attention. The major had given her very
clearly to understand, that their well-doing for
the future depended altogether upon their being
able to establish themselves in the esteem and
good liking of the inhabitants of the land in
which they had in fact taken refuge, from a
good deal that might have made it difficult for
them to find an agreeable abode elsewhere.
Every word that her new acquaintance uttered,
therefore, seemed to be big with important
IN AMERICA. 129
meaning, and before she had ceased to speak,
an effect had been produced on the mind of
Mrs. Allen Barnaby, which, as she afterwards
said in communicating it to the major, was
likely to have an influence on the whole of her
future life.
When deep impressions are made upon the
soul, it often appears, for a time, as if the effect
produced were working so strongly within, as to
prevent any portion of the result from being left
visible without. And so it was on the present
occasion with Mrs. Allen Barnaby. Neither
Mrs. Beauchamp herself, or any other person
present, were in the least degree aware of what
was going on in the secret recesses of her mind.
Nevertheless, she had sufficient command of
herself to retain the appearance of being perfectly
present to every thing that was passing. Whei*
Mrs. Grimes remarked to her that " there was
no country in the world that enjoyed the luxur}^
of iced water in the same elegant manner as
New Orlines," she bowed and smiled exactly
with a proper degree of acquiescence ; and when
Mrs. Hucks, holding out her foot for inspection,
said that she supposed the ladies had heard that
G 3
130 THE BARNABYS
American females were famous for their beauty
in that particular part of the person, any one in
the world who had seen her, might have sup-
posed that she knew what had been said. But,
in point of fact, she had not the slightest idea
what the observation meant, yet with a sort of
instinctive cleverness made a little action with
her hand towards Miss Matilda Perkins, who
was sitting near her, as if to refer the matter to
her, from thinking her a person peculiarly well
calculated to discuss it. This instantly carried
the attention of every American lady present,
except the sleeping Annie, towards Miss Ma-
tilda; and as that graceful young lady was
blessed by having a long slender foot, which
might have defied the toes of nine-tenths of her
female fellow-creatures to get into her shoe,
though there was " stuff enough" in one of her
long slippers to make a pair for many, it an-
swered very well, as it. brought on a long dis-
cussion upon long feet and short feet, and broad
'feet and naiTow feet, and round feet and square
feet — all of which sheltered the revery of Mrs.
Allen Barnaby from observation, and enabled
her very satisfactorily to arrange her thoughts
IN AMERICA. 131
before she was called upon by Mrs. Carmichael
to decide whether she would take coffee or tea.
By that time she had sufficiently recovered
her usual state of mind to be aware that of aU
the party which had dined together, her own set
and the portly lady of the mansion, were all that
remained in the saloon, and it was not without
a sensation of envy that she learned they were
aU gone to various evening parties, of which a
vast number were nightly given in the town.
The only gentleman who reappeared was the
young Englishman, Mr. Egerton; but having
looked round the large half-lighted room in
search of some one whom, as it appeared, he did
not find, he rambled into the moonlit balcony
for a few minutes, then passed through the
saloon again, and disappeared.
Dulness seemed now to settle heavily upon
the party. Mrs. Carmichael, after subjecting
Miss Matilda Perkins, who chanced to be the
one seated next her, to the usual transatlantic
process of interrogation, as to every thing about
her goings and doings, past and future, did not
appear to consider herself obliged to do the
honours of her mansion any further ; and having
132 THE BARNABYS
caused "a female slave to bring in a large square
of light-green gauze, and so to arrange it round
her head, neck, and arms, as to protect her
from the attacks of mosquitoes, she deliberately
prepared herself for sleep.
Had Mrs. Allen Barnaby, therefore, been at
that moment inclined for conversation (which
she certainly was not), she would not have in-
dulged in it ; her fixed and steadfast resolution
to conciliate every man, woman, and child in
the Union, being quite sufficient to prevent her
running the risk of keeping any of them awake
when they wished to sleep ; so she quietly pre-
pared herself to follow her gigantic hostess's
example. But she soon found that there were
two causes which would render this impossible.
The first and most important was the absence
of the green-gauze — for no sooner had she lain
herself in an attitude of rest, than a sharp
threatening buzz became audible around her;
and in the next, that irritating paroxysm of
feverish unrest supei-vened, which none can con-
ceive or comprehend who have not been exposed
to the torment. The second cause of prevention
to her desired repose was the voice of her
IN AMERICx\. 133
daughter, who now began, in accents less soft
than those of the forsaken wood-pigeon, first to
deplore the cruel absence of her lord, and then
to predict how he should be treated when she got
him again.
So Mrs, AUen Barnaby reared herself up
again, and looking round her, conceived the
very rational idea that let the hour be what it
might, the best thing they could do would be to
go to bed ; for the eldest Miss Perkins was look-
ing so pale, so wobegone, that a heart of stone
might have felt an interest in getting her depo-
sited where there was the best chance of her
forgetting all the thoughts, and all the feelings,
that now seemed to have hold of her ; while the
youngest, " her hopes aU flat," had much the
aspect of a ghost, who w^aits to be spoken to
before he avows his purpose. And as to Patty,
she was bemoaning herself so piteously, that it
was evidently much better she should be alone
than in company.
" What do you say, my dears, to our aU
going to bed ?" said Mrs. AUen Barnaby, rising
from her recumbent posture, and shaking the
envenomed host that tormented her from her
134 THE BARNABYS
person. " There is no good in our waiting for
the men, for I know of old, Patty dear, that
'-when they once get roaming about a new place,
it is not a short time that will bring them back
again."
The two Miss Perkinses rose instantly, and
might perhaps have looked comforted, could the
features of either at that moment have taken
suddenly so agreeable an expression ; but Patty's
reply to the question was almost a scream, from
the tone in which she uttered,
" What ! before Tornorino comes back ?
What a brute you must be, mamma, to think of
such a thing !"
Mrs. AUen Bamaby, however, admirable
mother as she was, seldom made up her mind
to do one thing, because she liked it best her-
self, and then did something else because her
daughter liked it better; and now, therefore,
proceeding to a small table in a corner of the
room, on which stood several night-lamps, she
' took one, saying, " Very well, my dear, you will
do as you like. Just ring the beU, Louisa, will
you ? I can't do without having the black-
woman to show me the way."
IN AMERICA. 135
Patty pulled out her pocket-handkerchief, and
actually began to sob ; but the black woman
appeared, her mother and " the dear Perkinses"
began to move, and Patty rose and followed
them, scolding her mother, though, aU the time
very heartily. How soon the various individu-
als of the party found consolation for their dif-
ferent sorrows in sleep is not easily known, but
Mrs. Allen Baraaby, whose career it is the his-
torian's especial business to foUow, was soon
snugly and contentedly ensconced within her
musquito-net, and though she had too much to
say to her husband not to wish for his presence,
she nevertheless would not allow herself to regret
his absence, knowing too well the nature of the
city he had selected for his residence, not to
feel thoroughly persuaded that, stranger as he
was, he must be nevertheless already well em-
ployed. And as she nestled her head on her
pillow, she muttered, without intending any quo-
tation, " He is about it."
136 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER IX.
Conjugal confidence — Mrs. Allen Bamaby discloses to
the Major a project, upon which he founds briUiant
expectations of future fame and fortune. — He receives
the information with his usual amiable temper and
fine judgment.
It was nearly two hours past midnight when
Major Allen Barnaby mounted very quietly to
his chamber, yet not so noiselessly, either, as to
avoid waking his wife. The thoughts she
wished to commimicate to him, however, were
both too important and too voluminous to be
opened upon at such an hour, and nearly all the
words which passed between them were on her
side, " Well, Donny, have you done any thing ?"
And on his, " Yes, pretty well ; but I am de^^l-
ish tired. You shall hear more to-moniow. Good
night."
The morrow came, and found them both in
the best possible humour for conjugal confidence.
IN AMERICA. 137
As soon as Jhe fact of their both being wide
awake was mutually ascertained, Mrs. Allen
Barnaby resumed the questioning of the preced-
ing night by saying, " WeU, dear, and what did
you do ?"
" Why, tolerably well for just the first setting
off, and Tornorino is a much better hand than
FoKcroft. I am devUish glad I refused to bring
that fellow, he is so confounded clumsy — he
can't give one a look without staring one full in
the face. But Patty's Don is quite another
style of aide-de-camp ; though he generally
looks, you know, as if he were half asleep, I pro-
mise you I found him perfectly wide awake. So
much so, indeed, that I asked him how it hap-
pened that we found him so confoundedly poor,
and why he had never tried the sort of thing
before?"
" And what did he say, major ?" demanded
his wife, rather eagerly.
\/ " He answered with the most perfect frank-
ness that he had never had capital enough since
he left Spain to attempt the sort of thing at aU
in the style of a gentleman. I reaUy like the
young feUow exceedingly."
138 THE BARNABYS
" I am monstrous glad to hear it," replied his
wife, " for Patty perfectly dotes upon him. So
that's all as it should be. But now, my dear,
do tell me a little about the style in which you
find they do things here ? Do you think it will
suit vou, Donnv ? Do vou think vou will find it
answer ?"
" Answer ?" repeated the major significantly.
" I dare say enough may be done to repay time
and trouble ; but if by answer you mean any
thing like the glorious opportunities one had in
London in the way w'e were going on, I must
certainly say no. Nothing at all approaching
even the sum that fool Ronaldson had in his
pocket-book is ever likely to be got by one job,
rU venture to say, without a word about the
checks he was willing enough to have given, if
that confounded jade had not stopped him. No,
nothing of thLs magnitude, my Bamaby, nothing
near it, can ever be hoped for. But we must
make the best of it now, my dear, and do as
well as we can. You know now, \Aife, the real
state of my purse, which I did not think it right
to mention as long as you were so mad about
dressing up Patty to get her married. But
IN AMERICA. . 139
that's all over now, and I am willing to make
you acquainted with every thing, I don't think
I am a man likely to lose money, even here, but
devilish sharp they are, I promise you, and I
could no more do single-handed than I could fly.
It is a great piece of good luck my ha\dng Tor-
norino. And you wiU have your part to play
too,^my Barnaby, for it's plain to see that the
first-raters^ the planters, and such like, from the
south, who are sporting men, and come to New
Orleans for a few weeks' lark, won't sit down with
the first that comes by — not they — I saw that
plain enough ; and your post must be to make
a large acquaintance, and keep up a good ap-
pearance, and make yourself as popular as you
can."
" As popular as I can," repeated Mrs. AUen
Barnaby, with a long deep breath that seemed
necessary to relieve the overpowering fulness of
her heart. " What shall you say. Major Allen
Barnaby, if I have already been put upon a
scent, and devised a scheme that shall not only
ensure our popularity, but bring us in lots of
doUars besides ; what should you say to that ?"
" Why, I should say that my Barnaby was a
140 THE BARNABYS
jewel," replied the major, with an eager expres-
sion of satisfaction, which showed him by no
means disposed to doubt her boasted discovery ;
for, to say truth, he had really great confidence
in the excellence of her understanding, which he
had for many years been in the habit of watch-
ing, and always with increasing admii-ation.
" But make haste, and tell me," he added, " for,
as you may imagine, I am pretty eager to un-
derstand you."
" I will be as explicit as possible, my dear
love," replied the lady, with a httle dignity of
manner which verv well became her at that
moment ; " but you must be patient with me, or
I shall not have the happiness of making you
understand me. The thing I am about to pro-
pose is so perfectly new to us both, that at the
first contemplation of it, I feel it possible that
you may testify more sui-prise than pleasure,
more diffidence than hope. But hear all I have
to say, and I think the final result will be
different.
" You doubtless obser\'ed at table yesterday,
that very handsome woman, Mrs. Beauchamp ;
she is the wife, you know, of Colonel Beau-
IN AMERICA. 141
champ, and from all I can gather from what has
been dropped by Mrs. Carmichael and the other
ladies, the Beauchamps are people of quite first-
rate consequence, not only here, but at Wash-
ington, and New York, and Charlestown, and
indeed every where. Well, I last night had a
great deal of most interesting conversation with
her, 'both about Europe and America. It is
quite evident that she is a woman of a very
superior mind, and her feelings of patriotic love
and admiration for her own country are some-
thing so sublime, that she almost frightened me.
Now, it is as plain as the sun at noonday,
Donny, that it won't do playing the same game
here that we did at Sydney. What I mean is,
that it won't do for us to be boasting of our
high family and connexions in the old country ;
for it was easy to see that she despised every
thing in England, even the Queen herself, just
as if it was aU so much dirt under her feet. But
after she made this clear enough for the dullest
to understand, she told me that nevertheless
there was one set among the English that was
still very much considered in the United States,
and that was the authors."
1
142 THE BARNABYS
Mrs. Allen Barnaby here paused for a mo-
ment in her speech, in order to discover, either
from the looks or words of her husband, whether
any of those "ideas suggested themselves to him,
which swelled her own heart almost to bursting.
But no ! nothing seemed to occur to the major,
but that he must listen further, in order to com-
prehend what his lady was talking about. She
slightly sighed, and then went on.
" Well, my dear major, Mrs. Beauchamp then
proceeded to say, that there was a book which
might be written by one of the old country,
which, if composed in a proper spirit, would
make the name of the author as popular
thi'oughout the Union as that of General La-
fayette himself, and bring in such a flood of
wealth to the author, as had never before been
realized by any literary pubhcation whatever.
This book must be ' Travels through the United
States of America.' "
" I should have thought there had been
enough of these written already," said the major,
coldly.
" That is precisely tht reason why another is
wanted," replied his wife, eagerly; "for Mrs.
IN AMERICA. 143
Beauchamp declares that there has never yet
been a single volume written upon the United
States, that was not crammed with the most
abominable lies fi-om beginning to end, and, as
she most justly observes, any body who would
come forward to contradict aU these wicked and
most scandalous falsehoods, would be rewarded
in ^e very noblest manner possible ; &st, by a
great quantity of money ; and next, by the admira-
tion and respect of aU the people in the country."
" But how can all this affect us, my dear ?"
demanded the provoking major, with the most
innocent air in the world. " I do assure you,
wife, that my writing a book is a thing altoge-
ther out of the question. I am quite certain
that I have no capacity for it."
" But I, on my part, am by no means prepared
to say so much for myself. Major Allen Bar-
naby," returned his wife, with some Kttle as-
perity ; "on the contrary, you must excuse what-
ever appearance of presumption you may possibly
find in it; but I must, in justice to myself,
declare that I feel conscious of the power and
the talent necessary to the undertaking. You
will not, I trust, oppose it."
144 THE BARNABYS
" Oppose it ! No, certainly, my dear, I shall
not oppose it, why should I ? It can do neither
of us any harm, at any rate. You have my free
leave to begin your book whenever you like, and
I am sure I heartUy wish you success with it."
Although the major pronounced this speech
in a manner somewhat too jocose for the matter
of it, his wife took it in very good part, declaring
herself perfectly satisfied, and declaring also that
she should lose no time in beginning her inter-
esting and very important task.
" I shaU of course," she added, " greatly
want some competent person to assist me with
information on many points wherein it will
be impossible for me immediately to obtain it
myself; but what I hope and trust to, is, that
I shall be able to form a close intimacy with
that charming woman, Mrs. Beauchamp ; and
you, my dearest major, must help me to obtain
this object ; I know nobody in the world so
capable of putting a thing in a good light as
you are, when you have a mind to do it. You
know what I mean, my dear Donny, — a little
embellishment, and the least bit in the w^orld
of invention, \\all make every thing easy to me.
IN AMERICA. 145
All I want you to do is just to say to Mrs. Beau-
champ in your clever, easy way, that I have
been rather celebrated in my own country as
an author, but that hitherto, from modesty,
I have always published under a feigned name.
And then, you know, if you like it, you may
just liint at any one particular author you please,
sayfng enough to put her upon the scent, but
without committing yourself by absolutely pro-
nouncing any particular name."
" Yes, certainly, I could do that," answered
the major, " if you thought it would do any
good."
" Good ? Trust me, Donny, it would do all
the good in the world ; and if you will only help
me so far, you shall see that I know how to
help myself too. I'U take care, major, not to
disgrace whatever you may take it into your
head to say of me."
" Very well, my dear, then you have only
to teU me in what direction my hints are to
go. I shall not like to begin till I am quite
sure of putting you and your side-saddle upon
the right horse. Who, of all the lady-writers
would you best like to be taken for ?"
VOL. I. H
146 THE BARNABYS
Mrs. Allen Barnaby mused for a moment or
two before she replied, and then said,
" Mrs. Hemings, I am afraid, is dead, isn't
she r
" Yes, my dear, she is," said the major.
" And Miss Austin? What's become of
Miss Austin ?"
" I am afraid she is dead, too, my Barnaby,"
said he.
" Dear me, how provoking !" returned the
lady ; " but it does not signify, there are lots
more. Let us see — there is Miss Edgeworth."
" But you know, my dear, she has never
been married. How should we manage about
Patty? It will be downright scandal to make
out that our Patty is the child of an unmarried
lady," said the conscientious Major Allen Bar-
naby.
" Then I don't care a straw who it is,"
returned his wife. " You must make out I
am somebody famous, and that will do."
" Very well, my dear, I really think I do
understand you now perfectly; and you are
such a de\Tlish clever woman, that I dare say,
somehow or other, you will make the scheme
IN AMERICA. 147
answer. I'll do my best, at any rate, to help
you. But hark ! — there is the thundering
breakfast-bell ! Now watch me, and see if I
don't set about my part of the job without
losing time."
H 2
148 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER X.
The Major displays his conversational talents to great
advantage, and his success is brilliant — A young
Englishman's motives for crossing the Atlantic — His
principles of justice are explained, and the liberal
philosophy of fair examination shown in its true
light.
At ten o'clock, or thereabouts, the comfort-
able inmates, that is to say, the white inmates
of Mrs. Carmichael's establishment, usually
met for breakfast. Most of them obeyed the
summons of the great beU on this occasion
simultaneously, entering the room almost at
the same moment, and were proceeding to
take their places at the table in the same order
as at the dinner of yesterday, when Major Allen
Barnaby, with that sort of easy good humour
which all lands find it so difficult to resist,
turned from the place he had before occupied
IN AMERICA. 149
beside his lady, and dropping into the chair
next Mrs. Beauchamp, said,
"It is too cruel, ladies and gentlemen, to
condemn a poor Englishman, who has crossed
the Atlantic expressly for the purpose of making
acquaintance with persons whose national cha-
racter he considers as the first in the world, it
will be much too cruel if you insist upon all
our party sitting together, so that we can speak
to none other. Shall I be forgiven if I break
through the established order of things, and
begging Mr. Washington Tomkins to take my
seat beside Mrs. AUen Bamaby, venture to
place myself next the lady of Colonel Beau-
champ ?"
It is probable by the smile and the bow which
were exchanged, as this was said, between the
colonel and the major, that some progress to-
wards acquaintance had been made between them
during the rambling of the preceding evening ;
at any rate, the overture was weU received. Mrs.
Beauchamp smiled very graciously upon the
major as he took his seat, and the elegant Mr.
Washington Tomkins muttered something about
" vastly happy," as he looked full in the face of
150 THE BARNABYS
the beautiful Annie, and sat down in the chau-
opposite to her.
Major Alien Barnaby, doubtless, flattered
himself that the chit-chat of a breakfast-table
would give him the opportunity he wanted of
communicating a little information respecting
the high literary reputation of his wife, and it is
probable that the massive appearance of the
viands on the table, suggesting the necessity of
length of time for their consumption, might
have made him feel sure of having ample time
before him for the purpose.
But in this he deceive i himself altogether ;
beefsteaks of an inch and a half in thickness
disappeared, it was impossible to guess how,
with the rapidity of an omelette sowffle'e ; coffee,
as hot as Mrs. Carmichael could make it, was
poured down the uninjured throats of the Loui-
sianian ladies and gentlemen, with the impunity
of cooling sherbet, and enormous platters of
scalding hot bread vanished with a celerity that
reaUy suggested the idea of magic.
In short, every American lady and gentleman
had breakfasted, and veiy sufficiently, before
Major AUen Barnaby had done more towards
IN AMERICA. 151
leading the conversation to the point he aimed
at, than saying that he hoped Mrs. AUen Bar-
naby would be fortunate enough to make an ac-
quaintance of some intimacy with the lady he
had the happiness of addressing, as it was highly
essential to the particular objects she had in
view, that she should know and be known to
ths most distinguished persons in the Union.
Mrs. Beauchamp seemed by no means dis-
pleased at this. She bowed and she smiled;
but before it was possible she could speak, all
the gentlemen of the party rose, and all the
ladies immediately followed their example, and
rose after them. The breakfast was over, and
the hea\Tly-laden table cleared.
Major Allen Barnaby was startled but not
defeated. He spoke of the luxury of Mrs. Car-
michael's large, cool saloon, and said he hoped
the ladies did not entirely forsake it in the
mornings.
" Why, it isn't very often, I expect, that you'U
find American ladies there, major, unless they
are just quite literary people, who give up every
thing for the sake of conversing with the gen-
tlemen about books; I don't calculate that ex-
152 THE BARNABYS
cept these, you'll often find American ladies out
of their own chambers in a morning any
where."
"Then I tmst that you and your charming
daughter are altogether devoted to literature?"
he replied. " You will, indeed, in that case find
a most suitable and truly congenial companion
in Mrs. AEen Barnaby. She has never yet
published any thing under her own name but — "
Here all the party having begun to move oif,
Mrs. Beauchamp felt obliged to move off too ;
which the major perceiving, again expressed
his hope that she and her daughter, who had
now taken her arm, were going to the saloon.
" Well, I don't care if I do take a spell in the
keeping-room this morning," she replied; her
curiosity being in truth as vividly awakened as
Major Allen Barnaby himself could desire by the
words he had spoken.
They therefore moved on together, and the
balcony with its fine orange-trees being now in
perfect shade, the attentive major led the way
into it, and was presently happy enough to find
himself seated on a bench with the charming
Mrs. Beauchamp.
IN AMERICA. 153
" As yet," he immediately resumed, " Mrs.
Allen Barnaby has never published any work
with her own name; but entre nous, and as a
very great secret, I will whisper in your ear that
she does not mean always to go on in that way ;
and in fact, for I see no reason why I should
not confess it to a lady so evidently of superior
mind as you are, — in fact, my dear Mrs. Beau-
champ, our chief object in now visiting your
glorious country is to give her an opportimity of
writing her remarks upon it. You have no idea
how admirable her style is, and in just apprecia-
tion of character I wiU venture to say that she
has no equal. If she succeeds in this under-
taking, as I fully hope and expect she will do, I
have told her plainly that I will not permit her
any longer to conceal her name. You must not
think me a tyrant, my dear Mrs. Beauchamp,
because I speak thus authoritatively ; but like
all persons of genius, Mrs. Allen Barnaby ap-
preciates her own talents with a degree of mo-
desty that is absolutely absurd ; and really, in
my opinion, it has become a duty, for the sake
of her daughter, and the noble Spanish family
with whom we have been so happy as to ally
H 3
154 THE BARNABYS
ourselves, that a fame so richly earned, should
not be thrown away upon a supposititious name.
Do you not agree with me ? Do you not think
I am right !"
" Indeed, and indeed, I do, Sir !" replied the
greatly excited Mrs. Beauchamp ; but may I
just ask the favour of your telling me under
what name your Lady has hitherto pub-
lished ?"
Major Allen Bamaby looked in the lady's
handsome face with a very intelligent smUe,
and raising his fore-finger to the side of his
nose, said —
" There are some things, my dear Mrs.
Beauchamp, that I dare not do ; but I will
tell you one thing for your satisfaction, that if
you shall be induced to bestow as much of yoiir
valuable friendship upon my admirable wife, as
I am inclined to flatter myself you will do, I
will venture to say that you will not be long
before you discover her secret. Her manner of
thinking, her manner of speaking, wiU be sure
to betray her — and I wiU not deny that I shall
be heartily glad of it ; for in this distinguished
country, at any rate, she will then enjoy the
IN AMERICA. 155
possession of the fame which she had so wan-
tonly sported with, and I may say, thrown away
in Europe, Yes, Mrs. Beauchamp, though I
know she would quarrel with me for saying so, I
really shall be delighted if you find her out."
" And so, I guess, shall I be too !" returned
Mrs. Beauchamp, with great animation. " Oh!
it would be first-rate delightful to tui'n round
some day, smack upon her, and call her by her
false name, I shall enjoy it to be sure ! And you
must not refuse, Major, to give me a little token,
now and then, if you see I am in the right way,
and cry ' Burn !' as the children do when they
are playing hide-and-seek."
" As much as I can venture to do so without
getting into a scrape, I certainly will," he replied ;
" for depend upon it, I shall enjoy the joke as
much as you wiU. And may I then hope, my
dear Madam, that now you are aware what Mrs.
Allen Barnaby's object is in coming to this
country, you wiU extend a helping hand to her,
and by giving her the assistance of native in-
formation (without which it is absolutely impos-
sible that such a work can be satisfactorily pro-
duced) enable her at once to do justice to her
156 THE BARNABYS
own talents, and to the magnificent subject she
has undertaken."
" There is nothing in all creation, Sir, that I
should so much like to do !" eagerly returned
Mrs. Beauchamp. "All the women in the
Union — the white women, of course, I mean —
are counted good patriots; indeed, they are
pretty considerable famous for it, but I expect
that you won't light upon one from Maine to
Georgia, as out-tops me in that respect ; and
what my mind has undergone in the way of
rage at all the horrible, scandalous, l}ing books,
as have been spit out by the envy of the old
country against us, is a great deal more than
I will choose to describe. But it is quite
>
droll to think what I said to your Lady last
evening, Major ; why she must have thought
I was a witch to be sure."
" What did you say to her, Madam ?" de-
manded he, with every appearance of eager
curiosity
" What, then," said Mrs. Beauchamp, " she
never mentioned to you ? — she never told you,
that I had been talking exactly of such a book
as what you have now been speaking of, and
IN AMERICA. 157
saying what an outrageous beautiful success it
was sure to have in the Union, if it was but
written with decent attention to truth, and such
a conformity to the merits of the country as
the in-dwellers in it, who everybody must allow
are the only proper judges, would be likely to
approve? Did not your Lady say anything
abcfut this, Major?"
" No, not a word," he replied.
" Dear me ! how very odd."
"Not the least odd in the world, my dear
Lady," he replied, " as you would be ready to
allow, did you know Mrs. Allen Barnaby better.
She has so much delicate reserve about her on
every point at aU relative to her literary pursuits,
that I am persuaded nothing could have pre-
vailed upon her to touch upon the subject.
" My ! How unaccountably remarkable that
a lady of such first-rate smart talents should
be so uncommon shy about it ! But it seems
to me. Sir, as if what you was so kind as to
mention just now, could never come to pass, I
mean as regarding any use I might be of about
making her take a right view of things. How
will she ever be . able to abide my telling her
158 THE BART^ABYS
that I know what she is about ?" demanded the
anxious female patriot.
" Your question, my dear Mrs. Beauchamp,
enables me, while I reply to it, to give you
another characteristic trait of my admirable
wife — ^you must forgive my calling her so. The
fact is, that exactly in proportion as she avoids
all allusion to her own great Hterary success with
all who are incapable of assisting her efforts,
she sedulously cultivates every possible opportu-
nity of entering into discussion with those whom
she imagines can give her any species of infor-
mation on the themes about which she is en-
gaged. Doubt not, therefore, that if you will
have the excessive kindness to give her the
advantage of your knowledge of the country
and its inhabitants, she will not only enter
with you on the subject with the most open-
hearted frankness, but will listen to every word
you utter with equal respect and gratitude ;
and thus, my dearest Lady, you will be the
means of at length sending into the world such
a work upon the United States of America as
may safely be depended on as authentic."
. — 1' Then I wish I may be flogged like a nigger
IN AMERICA. 159
if I don't devote myself to the business, body
and soul !" replied Mrs. Beauchamp, her whole
countenance kindling with patriotic energy.
" Mrs. AUen Barnaby has nothing to do, but
just to say when she wants me, and I'll be
ready to give up aU the frolics in creation, rather
than not be ready to go to her. Yes, major, /
pleese Heaven, the Stars and the Stripes shall
have justice done to them at last ! Let your lady
only do as you say and mind me, and all that I
have got to teU her, and if her book don't prove
to her worth a precious deal more than its
weight in gold, then say that I am a false-hearted
woman, and send me to the Penitentiary."
Major AUen Barnaby felt that if he talked all
day he could add nothing to the impression he
had already made ; he therefore rose, and took a
most respectful leave, saying that he should
immediately announce to his fortunate wife the
happiness that awaited her.
While this conversation had been going on at
one end of the long balcony, a Ute-a-Ute
equally exclusive was proceeding at the other.
Annie Beauchamp, who had taken her mother's
arm as they left the breakfast-room, retained it
160 THE BARNABYS
till they reached the balcony : but there she
dropped it, because Mrs. Beauchamp walked
towards a seat which had no orange-tree in full
flower near it ; and therefore the young lady
turned her steps the other way, and seated her-
self where one of these fragrant shrubs was in
the greatest Malaprop perfection. Perhaps,
Major Allen Barnaby's being at her mother's
side, might have made this movement rather
more decided than it would have been without
it : for Annie, too, was a patriot, and though a
kind-hearted and sweet-tempered girl in other
respects, certainly nourished, ay, and carefully
nourished too, a pretty considerable strong preju-
dice and dislike, not only to the whole English
nation in general, but to each and all of the
unfortunate individuals from that country with
whom she had ever made acquaintance. In
fact, if a stranger were presented to her, it was
enough for Annie to know that he was an
Englishman, in order to set all her faculties to
work, in order " to read him backwards."
If such a one, enchanted by her Y^ry uncom-
mon beauty, inadvertently permitted his eye to
rest for a moment on her lovely face, " he was
IN AMERICA. 161
the most ill-bred and impertinent of men."
Did an English traveller venture to mention any
beauty either of nature, or of art, that he had
left behind him, she would exclaim to her
neighbour,
" Only listen to him ! Can you conceive any
thing more absurd and insufferable? Instead
of epiploying his time in examining our glorious
and unequalled country, there he sits, you see,
talking of his own! Poor, paltry, miserable,
little atom of an island as it is !"
If her beautiful eyes beheld a tail Englishman,
" he looked like the mast of a ship" — if a short
one encountered the same doubtful blessing,
"he was a caricature of Tom Thumb" — if
gracious and graceful as the ApoUo, she was
" convinced he must be a dancing-master ;" and
if his conversation betrayed any traces of learn-
ing, she would exclaim to her nearest friend,
" Oh ! for mercy's sake take me out of
hearing of that odious school-master. I am as
certain as that I live that he comes from one of
those hateful abysses of superstition and slavery
that they call Oxford and Cambridge ! — the
very sight of him makes me iU !"
162 THE BARNABYS
Such being the state of her feelings, it was
not very surprising that she preferred her
favourite orange-tree to being seated near Major
Allen Barnaby.
But if Annie's chief motive for the preference,
was simply gettir.g out of the way of an Eng-
lishman, she was unlucky ; for scarcely had she
placed herself at her ease, with a little tabouret
for her pretty feet, and a cushion for her elbow
to rest upon, than Mr. Egerton not only an
Englishman, but a Cantab to boot, had the
audacity to approach her. Now, to say the truth,
Mr. Egerton, notwithstanding talents of a very
high order, excellent principles, and a heart
replete with a multitude of amiable qualities,
was fuUy as much under the influence of preju-
dice as Annie Beauchamp herself.
In common with a multitude of young Eng-
lishmen, whose ripening faculties during the last
ten years have enabled them to look on upon
the perilous political drama which has been
performing, with clear judgment, and views un-
obscured by early preconceptions of any kind,
Mr. Egerton, in common with a vast majority of
these sages of his own age, felt too deep-rooted
IN AMERICA. 163
a reverence for the monarchical institutions of his
own country, to tolerate the antagonist princi-
ples so loudly vaunted throughout the United
States of America. Moreover he was deeply
convinced of the political, as well as of the
rehgious necessity of an established faith, for
the perfect working of the social contract which
binds men together under one government, , , -^
Moreover again, the system of slavery was ab- \/
horrent to every feeling and faculty of his head,
heart, and soul. Moreover again, he was greatly
disposed to misdoubt the honesty — public and
individual — of any country where bankruptcy —
public and individual — was a matter of constant
recurrence and constant indifference. Moreover
again, he exceedingly disliked listening to the
human voice, when it came to him through the
nose of the speaker; and finally, approved no
dialect of English, but that which was held to be
the standard language of his native land.
With all these, so " strong against the deed,"
it may seem strange that the young man, after
having weU-nigh satiated himself with travel,
through pretty nearly every country in Europe,
should have taken it into his head to cross
164 THE BARNABYS
the Atlantic in order to visit the land he did
not love, instead of enjoying the noble fortune
and beautiful residence which he had inherited
in that which he did.
But the wisest and best among us have their
whims, and this expedition of Egerton's must,
I suppose, be reckoned among them. The
immediately propelling cause, however, of his
setting off, arose at a dinner-party, where he
met with a pretty-considerably-famous American
author, who not content with entertaining the
company by a good set speech of half-an-hour
long, in praise of the glorious and immortal
institutions of his owti countr)^ — slavery and
all — concluded it (not being in one of his best
humoui'S that day, on account of an English
duke having entered the dining-room before him)
by rather a savage attack on the inglorious and
perishable ones of this.
Mr. Egerton ventured to make an observation
or two on the opposite side ; but the American
celebrity cut him short, by saying,
" I beg your pardon, sir, if I can't count
your opinion as any way suitable to stand against
mine ; and my reason is this ; — you have seen
IN AMERICA. 165
only one of the two countries you are comparing
together, and I have seen both, and I leave it
to any man to say which has the best right to
be listened to,"
" I submit, sir, to the force of your argu-
ment," replied Egerton ; " you must have it
your own way."
B^t he left not the dinner-table without
making a resolution, that however great the
bore might be, he would steam to New York
as early as possible, and not steam back again
till he had visited every state in the Union.
Perhaps there might have been some little
irritation of feeling in the mood which dictated
this resolve ; but he had pledged the promise to
himself in earnest, and would not have revoked
it, even had his after thoughts led to still
greater repugnance as to the keeping it, than
they did.
" At any rate I shall see Niagara," said he,
" there is an overwhelming force of consolation
in that,"
So Mr. Egerton set forth, and had already
very nearly performed his destined task at the
time of oui' meeting him at New Orleans.
166 THE BARNABYS
Excepting the person of Miss Beauchamp,
which with a degree of candour of which he
really felt proud, he acknowledged to himself
was by far the loveliest he had ever seen in any
land; and, perhaps, excepting also, her dress
(the capricious sort of plainness of which rather
piqued his taste to the acknowledgment that no
garment more meretricious, ever so weU became
a female form), with these two exceptions made,
Mr. Egerton was by no means disposed to
think that Miss Beauchamp was in any degree
better suited to his taste, than the rest of her
countrywomen. He had dined twice in her
company, and his attention had been particu-
larly di'awn to her by the uncommon beauty
which scarcely a child could have passed by
unheeded; but he had thought her manner
exceedingly defective. There was no amenity,
no tranquil grace, no smoothness in it. What-
ever she said, seemed spoken fearlessly, as if
from very perfect indifference as to whether she
might give thereby pleasure or not. And then
her voice, though nature had really given her
organs which should have rendered it a very
sweet one, had something in its intonation which
IN AMERICA. 167
grated, as it were against his feelings. It could
hardly be called a nasal voice, but yet there
was a sort of singing cadence in it, which drew
off the attention (at least of stranger-ears so
constituted as those of Frederic Egerton) from
what she said, to her manner of saying it, and
he was perfectly ready to call the flexible young
voice!' detestable. Yet for all that, he was ready
to acknowledge, that he had hitherto not seen
quite enough of her to judge her fairly; and
he gravely determined that he would not be
unjust, no, not even on a point of so absolutely
no importance, as whether a trumpery American
girl were a little more or a little less disagree-
able.
In conformity with this high-principled re-
solve, he had sought to converse with her on
more occasions than one, but hitherto with very
little success ; and upon seeing her accompany
her mother into the balcony, while nearly aU
the rest of the company were scattering them-
selves elsewhere, he followed for the purpose
of advancing his philosophical study of this
peculiar specimen of the race he had crossed the
Atlantic to scrutinize.
68 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER XL
Mutual dislike arises between the English Frederic
Egerton, and the American Annie Beauchamp — The
gentleman's disgust leads him to decide upon leaving
the country immediately.
The vulgar but expressive old phrase, " there
is no love lost between them," might have been
applied with the most perfect correctness to
Miss Annie Beauchamp and Mr. Frederic Eger-
ton ; but they wore their dislike, such as it was,
with a difference.
The gentleman, as we have seen, being rather
persevering in his purpose of knowing more of
the young lady ; while the young lady, if left to
herself would have been perfectly well contented
had she been assured that she should never see
the young gentleman again. Nor did this dif-
ference arise from the fact on his part that he
IN AMERICA. 169
was ready to acknowledge her the most beautiful
person he had ever seen ; for on hers she was
equally ready to acknowledge that he was by
many degrees the handsomest person she had
ever seen, and at the centre of both hearts there
was the thought, " But oh ! so perfectly Ame- ^
rican!" and — "But oh! so perfectly English !" \/~.
the ^difference therefore arose from temper.
Annie was less speculative than Mr. Egerton ;
at least, when her mind was so completely made
up on a subject, as she felt it to be on the
present occasion ; and Mr. Egerton was more
disposed to analyze, even though conscious that
he already knew what the result must be.
" I suppose this is about the coolest place in
New Orleans, Miss Beauchamp," said Egerton,
venturing to seat himself on the farthest ex-
tremity of the long wooden sort of sofa which
the young lady occupied.
" I dare say there may be a great many much
cooler, for those who know any thing about the
place. Strangers never know where to look for
any thing," retui'ned Miss Annie Beauchamp,
without condescending to tiu-n her eyes towards
him.
VOL. I. I
170 THE BARNABYS
" Your observation is in contradiction to the
remark generally made upon travellers, Miss
Beauchamp. It has been often said that we
\J almost all of us know more of the countries we
visit than the natives themselves. For travellers,
vou know, make it their especial business to
fiiid out eveiy thing, while those who remain at
home, find only what happens to come in their
way."
Annie drew her beautiful Hps together for a
moment, as if she did not intend to make any
reply ; but, upon second thoughts, she said, " I
believe that would be perfectly true, particularly
if speaking of English travellers, pro\dded the
word disagreeable were added to the word
thing:'
" What an odious girl !" mentally exclaimed
the young man ; " and with such profound igno-
rance too ! What on earth does she know of
English travellers ?"
And then he cast a glance towards her, and
took in at that glance, certainly without intend-
ing it, such a face, such a form, and such an
attitude, as are only exhibited on the earth at
inten'als, to show what a woman may be when
IN AMERICA. 171
no earthly accidents have arisen to injure the
original intention of Heaven.
It is rather an old obser^^ation that "beauty
wlU have its effect," but it is not the less true for
its antiquity, and Frederic Egerton at that mo-
ment, if he did not quite forgive her, felt more
disposed to hear her speak again than he had
ev^r done before.
" Have you travelled much yourself. Miss
Beauchamp ?" said he, in a very gentle accent,
and not at all as if he were angry.
" Alas, no !" she replied, without any caustic
accent either, as if regardless that it was only a
detestable Englishman who asked the question ;
but it was one that touched feelings with which
his nation had nothing to do, and she forgot
herself
" You have not, however, lost much time as
yet. If you love travelling, what is there to
prevent your enjoying it ?"
" Oh, there is nothing in the world, I expect,
to prevent my enjoying it, except our not being
able to set out. But if I can't make it convene
to travel in a coach, I'll travel in a waggon, and
if that won't do, I'll just get along on foot ; for
I 2
172 THE BARNABYS
li\Tng as we do, in the finest country in the
world, it's a fijst-rate sin not to see it all over."
" Then you have no inclination to go beyond
vour own countiy ? — you do not wish to travel
in Europe ?"
Annie looked up at him for a moment, and it
was a very saucy glance which shot from her
sparkling eye as she did so. She seemed on the
eve of saying something very particularly anti-
Eui'opean, but she restrained it, and only tui'ned
aside her head and laughed.
" I should like to know what you are laughing
at," said Egerton, quite determined upon not
condescending to be angry with any thing so
exceedingly ignorant and silly as the opinions of
Miss Annie Beauchamp, and at the same time
feeling it quite fair to make her talk, that he
might have the twofold amusement of looking at
and quizzing her. " Pray tell me," he continued,
" what there is laughable in the idea of travelling
beyond the United States ?"
"The joke hes," she answered, after a mo-
ment's consideration, " in the notion of any
one's wanting to see that musty, fusty, little bit
of the old world which you call Europe, when
IN AMERICA. 17^
they may remain to explore the opening glories
of this bright, young world, which we call Ame-
rica, and that, too, with the proud pri\'ilege of
being one of its citizens."
" Poor Kttle fool !" thought Egerton. " What
a pity that such eyes as those, should have
nothing better to inspire their wondei-ful ex-
pr^sion, than the fables of a handful of crack-
brained, conceited republicans !"
Yet still he wished her to say more, and
therefore resumed the conversation with great
civility.
" Do you mean. Miss Beauchamp, that after
having become weU acquainted with the land
of your birth, you shall feel no curiosity to
see any other? — particularly that, for instance,
whence the first white inhabitants of your own
highly approved land derived their origin ?"
There was somethino; in the wording* of
this speech that seemed to irritate the young
American. She did not look either as if she
meant not to answer it, but she paused a moment
or two as if to select words for the purpose.
" Curiosity ? Shall I have any curiosity
to visit the tombs of my vastly respectable gi'eat
174 THE BARNABYS
grandfathers ? Why, upon my word, sir, if no
better reward can be proposed to me for the
trouble and fatigue of crossing the Atlantic, than
seeing the crumbling relics of a thoroughly worn-
out race, I really think it would be a great deal
wiser to stay at home."
Mr. Egerton now smiled a little to himself;
upon perceiving which, the colour of the beau-
tiful Annie mounted to her temples, and the
glance she gave him certainly amounted to a
flash of indignation. Tliis was hardly fail- ; he
had borne her laugh more patiently. However,
he thought it was very amusing to look at
her in all her various moods, and tliinking,
perhaps, that he should not greatly mind it
even if she boxed his ears, he looked as grave
as he could,' and replied,
" Of course you have studied, as an elemen-
tary part of your education, the present state
of the mother-countiy relatively to the rest of
^y^ Europe, or rather to the rest of the world?
I believe the comprehensive plan of American
y^ female education, considers this study as abso-
lutely indispensable ?"
" Yes, sir," she very gravely replied, " it
IN AMERICA. 175
does. And I do assure you that of all our
studies, it is this which most awakens in our
hearts that most excellent gift of pity, and those
gentle feelings of commiseration, which Christian
teachers consider it one of their first duties to
create and cultivate. We are quite aware that
the noble race of men, which now peoples the
braad surface of the United States, must have
derived their origin from a stock, possessing the
materials of greatness. And we look back
upon this race with such moderate feelings
of affectionate interest as a rational man ex-
periences for the dust of his great, great, great
grandfather. But as we know that it pleased
the Almighty Mover of nations, to cause the
estimable remnant of the community to forsake
the falling country, when they perceived that
it was become unworthy of them, and to seek
refuge here, our affections naturally and ra-
tionally fix themselves upon the brave transat-
lantic portion of the race ; not only because they
are the fathers of the people to whom we belong,
but also because the very reason for the original
separation, as well as for the immortal secondary
one, proves beyond the reach of any question
176 THE BARNABYS
on the subject, that they are worthy of all
reverence and affection, and that those they
left are NOT — though they are indeed, and ever
wiU be, while they are permitted to retain their
political existence at aU, the objects of very sincere
compassion."
" Upon my word. Miss Beauchamp, we are,
or ought to be, excessively obliged to you,"
returned Egerton, not knowing whether he felt
most surprised or provoked by the young lady's
grandiloquent harangue ; " permit me to return
thanks," he added, rising and making her a
low bow, " for the testimony you have been
pleased to exhibit of your benevolence towards
the English nation."
" Poor people !" murmured Annie, casting
her eyes down with a sort of pitting dejec-
tion, and at the same time heaving a deep
sigh.
Egerton, puzzled and plagued by the strange
form the young lady's patriotism had now
taken, looked at her with as much cui'iosity
as admiration, while she continued to retain
her whimsically plaintive attitude ; but when
she furtively raised her e}es again, there was
IN AMERICA. 177
an expression in them which made him
shrewdly suspect she was only amusing herself
at his expense, and that it was malice towards
him, rather than the love she boasted for her
country, which had inspired her. If this were
the case, he felt that the little republican had
the advantage of him ; and as the idea crossed
his' mind, it was doubtful w^hether he was more
piqued or provoked. The former feeling prompted
him to continue the conversation, in the hope
of being able to use w^eapons of somewhat the
same nature, in his defence, while the latter
suggested the wisdom of leaving the veiy
absurd young lady to herself. But w^hUe he yet
doubted, the question was decided for liim by
Major Allen Barnaby's bowing himself oif — a
ceremony w^hich was immediately followed by
Mrs. Beauchamp's advancing towards them, and
saying,
" Come, Annie, my daughter, I want you
in my chamber — I have got one or two jobs
that I expect you must do for me — and besides,
I have got something to say to you."
Thus summoned, Annie gave one rapid,
v^icked glance at the countenance of the }'oung
I 3
178 THE BARNABYS
Englishman, and with a slight parting bow,
retired.
Egerton replaced himself on the bench, and
fell into a fit of musing.
" She is insufferable !" he muttered, " I can-
not endure her !"
A movement of impatience caused him to
rise again and pace the long balcony of which,
luckily for his irritated feelings, he had the
"sole possession, with slow and discontented-
sounding strides.
" I hate the country !" he ejaculated, half
aloud : "I hate and detest it from one end to
the other. The negroes and Indians are the
only interesting part of the population, and the
only thing approaching to civilised society that
I have enjoyed since I landed, was at the Ger-
man village at — at — at — Heaven knows where.
Would to Heaven that this self-inflicted penance
were over ! I must steam up that nasty muddy
Mississippi, or I break faith with myself, which
I never wiU do, had every house I could enter
half a dozen Miss Annie Beauchamps in it —
and a pretty company they would make ! Well
enough, to be sure, to the eye — but able to
IN AMERICA. 179
Sting a man to death with their odious tongues !
To-day is Wednesday. Steamboats, I believe,
go every day. Thursday, that's to-morrow. I
wish to Heaven I could go to-morrow ; but that
I cannot do, because I have promised the prig-
gish Mr. Horatio Timmsthakle to go to the
French play with him. But I must speak about
m/ linen from the laundress for Saturday. I
will positively not stay in this detestable house
a single moment longer than Saturday."
And having thus soothed his irritation, he
stalked through the saloon into the hall, and
out of the house, having encountered a negress
in the way, to whom he gave strict orders that
his linen should be in his room ready for pack-
ing by Friday night. This sort of notable
thoughtfulness having been taught him by ne-
cessity, in consequence' of his having, for the
first time in his life since he left college, set off
upon a journey without a servant ; a piece of
self-denial to which he was advised by one who
knew by experience the effect of the United
States upon an English domestic.
Mrs. Beauchamp and her daughter, mean-
while, mounted the stairs, and havino^ reached
180 THE BARNABYS
one of the apartments sacred to their own use,
the elder lady closed the door of it, and making
the fair Annie sit down near it, began to address
her as foUows —
"I have something to tell you, my dear
child, that will, I expect, go straight right
away to your feelings as it did to mine. I
know how you have been brought up, my
daughter, and it is a'lx' out-and-out impossibility
that you should not have aU your high patriotic
notions set blazing by what I am going to tell
you."
Annie listened very attentively ; but had she
spoken the truth and the whole truth concern-
ing what was passing at her heart, she would
have said : " No more patriotism just now, dear
mamma, if you please, because I have been
working so hard at it, that I am right down
tired." But of course she said nothing of the
kind, and Mrs. Beauchamp went on.
" You know only too well, my dear child, how
shamefully the United States have been abused,
vilified, and be-littled by aU the travellers whc
have ever set foot in them for the purpose of
writing books about us. I don't sav too much,
IN AMERICA. 181
do I, Annie ? when I declare that this has posi-
tively amounted to a regular national calamity ;
and rU give any one leave to judge what it
must be to the feelings of a free people, who
know themselves to be the finest nation in the
world, to have one atrocious, unprincipled
monster after another, come and write volumes
upfbn volumes, in order to persuade the rest of
the world that we are 1 .s behind-hand with
every body, instead of being, as we really are,
first and foremost of the whole world. Doesn't
it drive one mad, Annie ?"
" It drives one into very great anger, mamma,"
replied her daughter, with something like a
sigh.
" Well, then, my darling, what wiU you say
to my first-rate, unaccoimtable good luck, when
I teU you that I have just been applied to by
the most gentlemanlike European, to my fancy,
that ever put foot in the States, to assist with
my information, my feelings, and my opinions,
in composing a work, the express object of
which is, to do justice, at last, to the Union ?"
" And who, mamma, is the author you are to
assist ?"
182 THE BARNABYS
" My dear, it is the lady the most striking and
distinguished in appearance of the new party
that came to the house yesterday. She looks
like a woman of a very commanding intellect ;
and her husband has told me that she has been
a most admired author for years in her own
country, only that she is of too retired a cha-
racter ever to have put her name to any of her
works."
"Is it that enormously tail and stout woman,
mamma?" demanded Annie.
" Yes, my dear, it is the lady who is the
stoutest of the party; it is Mrs. Allen Bar-
tiaby."
" I should not have fancied her a parti-
cularly shy person," said Annie, gently.
" I must insist upon it, child," returned Mrs.
Beauchamp, with a great deal of energ}^ " that
you do not permit yourself to take up any ab-
surd prejudices against this lady, who, I posi-
tively declare, seems sent by Heaven to do us
justice. And remember, if you please, my
daughter, how very little you know about the
higher classes of people in England. Depend
upon it, that whatever you see in her, which
IN AMERICA. 183
strikes you as being out of the common way, is
just the greatest proof of her rank and fashion.
You heard what she said yesterday about going
to coui't ? And though, as a citizen of a free
country, I thought it my duty to put in my say
against courts altogether, and all such-like abuses
of the human intellect, nevertheless, I am not
such a fool as to be ignorant that none but the
very highest classes of all, are ever permitted to
come withinside the walls that hold the queen ;
and though I hate and despise aU such tyranny,
it is quite right, in such a case as this, to re-
member aU we do know of their abominable
old-fashioned ways, in order that we may under-
stand a little what we are about, which is the
way, you know, to avoid disagreeable blunders.
I am sure nobody will suspect me, such a
thoroughgoing patriot as I am, for being likely
to have any over-great respect for queens and
princes, and such-like ; and I dare say, Annie,
you heard the considerable sharp set down I
gave her yesterday on that very subject ; but
for all that, I know what I know; and it is
something, I can teU you, in the way of good
luck, when one is getting a little close and
184 THE BARNABYS
familiar with an English family, to find that
they have been at court. In course, our first
feeling ought to be suspicion about every body
that is English ; and it is very convenient, by
times, to get at the whole truth about people.
Don't you think so, my dear ?"
" Yes, mamma," replied Annie, rather ab-
sently ; for indeed she was not much thinking of
what her mother had said, having been occupied
during nearly the whole time they had been
together in endeavouring to recollect all she had
said to Mr. Egerton, and was rather tormenting
herself ^^^th the fear that she had not been suf-
ficiently caustic and severe in her manner of
treating him.
Luckily for the harmony of the dialogue (for
Mrs. Beauchamp liked to be attended to), this
indifference on the part of the young lady was
not remarked, and her mother, stiU in the
highest good humour, went on to explain a
project she had conceived, by which every part
of Mrs. Allen Barnaby's important work might
be benefited by her information and superin-
tendence.
" And now, my dear," said she, " I must
IN AMERICA. 185
make you acquainted with what I propose to
do, and it is a great satisfaction, my daughter,
for me to know that it is just exactly the very
thing you will like best. You know, Annie,
how often you have been at father and me about
taking you to travel up and down a little, that
you might see and know something of the glories
of the Union, over and beyond what aU my
teaching could make you understand. Well,
my dear, and you know, too, that I have always
promised that travel you should to Washington
and to Niagara, and, one after the other, to all
the Atlantic cities if we could make it convene
with father's wiU and pleasure. But up to this
day, Annie, I have never been able to get any
thing better from him than just oif and on sort
of promises ; and his reason for putting it ofif so
everlasting was, that though he loved you and
I, too, a deal better than his eyes — and I am
quite availed that he speaks no more than the
truth when he says it — yet that for the soul of
him he can't make up his mind to travel hither
and yon, as he says we want to do, till we get
east of sunrise, without a man companion for
him to speak to — and that's why for he keeps
'J
186 THE BARNABYS
US at boarding everlasting, which we two don't
overmuch approbate either of us. But just
observe how the matter stands now. These
smart, clever people, and a large party of 'em
too, with two men, you see, are actual/?/ going
riffht ahead to make the tour of the Union.
And the major, the authoress lady's husband,
loves a quiet game of piquet, father says, as well
as he does himself. And that he found out last
night when they started off together, you know,
after dinner. Now it does seem to me, Annie,
that nothing ever did convene so perfect as
this. Here's the lady come on purpose to write
a book on the Union, but honestly confessing
that she don't know the name of one State from
another, and, in course, still less about all the
remarkabilities of our glorious and immortal
constitution, and other requirements for such a
business, whether about oui'selves or our works.
Well ! then there's me, ready and willing to
supply all she wants, and though I say it that
shouldn't, no ways badly qualified for that same
business either, seeing that ever since I was a
girl at college I have been always celebrated for
my patriotism, and had a heart in my bosom
IN AMERICA. 187
ready to fight for the stripes and the stars, if
such a thing was wanted, as father has told me
scores of times. Then next comes father him-
self — wanting and wishing of all things in crea-
tion to please his darling Annie by taking her a
touring, but never having the heart to set out,
on account of ha^dng nobody in the evenings to
take' a cigar and a hand of cards with him. So
then, to answer to that, comes the major, as
ready to do both, as the sun to rise in the morn-
ing. And then next there's your darling beau-
tiful self, my daughter, having your own heart's
wish at last, and setting out on your travels foi>
everlasting, stop you who can. Now what do you
think of aU this, Annie ? Isn't it a pretty consi-
derable piece of good fortune, daughter ? — Say."
Annie had changed colour more than once
during the progress of her mother's harangue,
not a word of which escaped her, for the absent
fit was quite gone. Had Mrs. Beauchamp been
less completely occupied by her own share in
the proposed arrangement, it is probable that
she would have perceived that Anne's sensations
in hearing them detailed were not of unmixed
satisfaction; but partly because she was too
188 THE BARNABYS
intent upon all she had in her head to see
very clearly what was before her eyes, and
partly because she felt so very certain of her
daughter's delight at the scheme, that she
would scarcely have believed her in earnest
had she objected to it, she perceived not these
latent symptoms of dissatisfaction, and exclaimed,
even before she answered,
" I knew you would be in raptures !"
Annie let it pass, and only smiled, which she
certainly did the more easily because a portion
at least of the information she had received was
decidedly agreeable, though she thought that if
she had had the ordering of the scheme, things
might have " convened" more perfectly to her
satisfaction than they did at present.
Her objections, however, whatever they were,
she kept to herself; and when she spoke at last,
it was to say that she was very glad indeed, that
she was going to see something more of the
glorious and unrivalled coimtry to which she
had the honour of belonging, than merely Big-
Gang Bank, Charles Town, New Orleans, and
Natches.
" You are quite right, Annie, quite and en-
IN AMERICA. 189
tirely right," replied her mother. " I have been
a great traveller in my day, a very great tra-
veller ; and from my high connexions in different
States, have always been among people of the
very first standing, — and to my mind," she
added, " no young lady's education can be com-
plete till she has pretty well seen the Union
tlirotigh. However, my dear, we have no great
cause to complain of father either, as yet, for we
must remember that you won't be seventeen till
fall, and so there is no great time lost. But
there is one thing, Annie, that in a small way
troubles me, and I will tell you what it is, my
daughter, because I have a notion that you
might give us a little help, if you'll be clever
enough to do what I wish."
" Wliat is it, mamma ?" said Annie, with one
of her beautiful smiles, " I am ready to do any
thing to please you."
*' That's a jam girl — and this is it then.
Those two elderly-looking women, you know,
that have come along with this celebrated au-
thoress, Mrs. Alien Barnaby, I can't help having
a fancy that they must be people of great conse-
quence, because they are both of them so unac-
190 THE BARNABYS
countable ugly and stupid, that I don't see the
likelihood of any Christian soul taking the trouble
of bringing them out, aU this eternity of a voyage
if they were not ; or, at any rate, they must be
somebody that this new friend of mine, Mrs.
AUen Barnaby, must think a good deal of, and of
course would not like to have slighted. And the
truth is, Annie, that as I know I shall have
enough to do to fuUy enlighten the mind of the
wTiting lady about the Union, I don't look for-
ward at aU, I can tell you, to ha\4ng any time to
bestow upon them ; and as to your father, his
hatred to ugly old women is so great, that I ex-
pect nothing in creation would make him cop-
sent to my scheme, except just the pleasing you,
and having his game of piquet fi-om sun-down to
bed-time, without having the trouble of trotting
out to look for a play-fellow, which I calculate he
abominates fui'ther than most things. This
being the way the case lies, darling, what I want of
you is, that you would just be a little conversable
and genteel in your attentions to these two poor
queer old souls. Will you, dear, as youi' share
and payment for aU the beautiful miles you are
going to travel ? Will you, Annie ? — Say."
IN AMERICA. 191
" Certainly, mamma. If I am to travel with
these English people, I will endeavour to be as
civil to them as I can. But I expect they ^\Tll
find me very dull company, for it is rarely that I
find much that I should like to say to any
strangers, and especially to English. But don't
think I object, dear mamma, whenever I can
find 'any thing to say, it shall always be said
to them."
" Oh ! but, Annie, you must be very civil \y
to the major, and to his TadyinTQ~the bargain,
and also to the splendid-looking young lady,
their daughter, and to the foreign gentleman,
theii- son-in-law ; or else, mercy on me ! we shall
be getting into a terrible scrape, I guess, and
have Madam Barnaby saying in her book, that
whatever the rest of the country may be, the 11^''
young ladies are the most disagreeable and least y
elegant people throughout the Union. Don't
be doing any thing to get that said, Annie !"
" Mamma ! I will do my very best to please
you," replied her daughter, very gravely : " but
there is one thing that I will not promise, because
in my heart I don't believe it is one that I could
ever perform. I cannot promise you to speak
192 THE BARNABYS
very often to the married young lady, the
daughter."
Mrs. Beauchamp frowned and shook her
head.
"I see by your looks, Annie," said she, " that
vou are getting into one of your obstinate fits,
when you will pretend to know what people are
better than your mother does, which of aU impos-
sibilities is the most impossible, and you a girl
under seventeen ! Now don't, Annie, don't !
There's a fine girl ! Don't vex me, just when I am
trying to do my very best to serve my dear perse-
cuted country, and to please you into the bargain !
It is very cruel of you Annie, very."
And poor Mrs. Beauchamp looked very much
as if she were going to cry ; but her beautiful
daughter ran to her, and drove away every indi-
cation of the kind by a kiss.
" Trust me, mamma," she said, " I have
promised you that I will do the best I can, and
so I will. Shall I go this very minute and find
out these Miss Perkinses ? — that is the name, I
expect, isn't it, mamma? Shall I go to them
now, wherever they are, and ask them if they
will take a walk in the balcony ? I am sure it
IN AMERICA. 193
must be cooler than the room they have got, poor
things ; for Cleopatra told me that our sly lump
of soft sodder, Mrs. Carmichael, had persuaded
them to lodge themselves in a little hole of a
garret looking exactly west, that she might
keep a decent room vacant, in case any of her
" regular New Orlines Bows," as she calls them,
shcruld offer themselves. I will go to them
directly, shall I ?"
" Yes do, darling, and I will go too, and see if
I can find my new friend, Mrs. Allen Barnaby."
" Pray, mamma," said Annie, rising to depart,
" have you said any thing to papa yet about your
travelling scheme?"
" No, my dear, I have not," replied her
mother, with a smile ; " but that is only because
I have had no opportunity ; I don't fear any
opposition, Annie, there ; you know, pretty
nearly as well as I do, deary, that if I take care
that the piquet and the toddy go right, nothing
else is Hkely to go wi'ong."
Annie knew that as far as the word wrong
meant opposition, her mother had the best pos-
sible grounds, namely, that furnished by many
years' experience, for her confidence in having
VOL. I. K
194 THE BARNABYS
her own way ; so she said no more, but walked
off, shaking her head, however, rather mournfully
as she went ; for though she loved her mother,
she loved her father too, and often regretted that
his habitual indolence, which seemed to have ab-
sorbed every thing like activity in his character,
had permitted him to lay himself so completely
on the shelf.
IN AMERICA. 195
CHAPTER XII.
4
Annie Beauchamp conceives a strong partiality for the
eldest Miss Perkins — The acquaintance between Mrs.
Major Allen Barnaby, and Mrs. Colonel Beauchamp
ripens into the warmest friendship.
Annie was the first who succeeded in her
quest, for she found the spinster sisters sitting
most disconsolately in the great saloon, without
even the semblance of an occupation, unless the
ceaseless fanning of Miss Matilda could be called
such, and by no means in a state of spiiits to
render any conversation they might have toge-
ther soothing or consolatory to either party. As
far as the exciting kind feelings in the breast of
Miss Beauchamp could be advantageous to
them, their palpable and evident forlornness was
in their favour. She looked at them both for a
moment, and felt, that English or not, they were
K 2
196 THE BARNABYS
thoroughly uncomfortable and forlorn, and had
they sat with a pedigree in their hands (instead
of a feather fan), a pedigree proving them to be
descended in a direct line from General Wash-
ington, she could not have smiled more sweetly,
as she stepped forward to address them.
" I am afi'aid, ladies, you must find it ver}^
dull here," she said, seating herself opposite, and
about midway between the two. " The New
Orleans boarding-houses are not very famous for
ha^dng many books, and it's so hot here in the
daytime, that strangers hardly dare venture into
the streets either to look for books or any thing
else. But mamma and I have plenty up stairs
in our own rooms, and we shall be very happy to
lend you some if you like it."
From the moment she entered, Miss Matilda,
who had for many hours been meditating on the
possibility of coaxing Mrs. Beauchamp (evidently
the principal personage of the boarding-house
set) into presenting them to some of her New
Orleans' friends, changed her attitude of ill-at-
ease indolence, into one of fascinating animation,
and she immediately replied,
" Thank you a thousand times, my dear Miss
IN AMERICA. 197
Beauchamp. How excessively kind and amiable !
Yes, my dear Miss Beauchamp, I do indeed long
for a few of the elegant indulgences to which I
have ever been accustomed in my own country.
Our residence is quite at the west end, and I am
perfectly sure that you are sufficiently weU in-
formed to be aware. Miss Beauchamp, that in
London nothing gives more decided fashion than
that. In short, the fact is, that though I have
no doubt in the world but that in a short time
we shall like your country, and aU the charming
people in it excessively, yet just at this moment,
that is, just at first, you know, we do find it
rather duU."
Annie's only answer to this was a sort of
acquiescent bow ; and turning her eyes from the
elegant speaker, she fixed them then, almost
by accident, on the pale face of poor Louisa.
That really worthy, l)ut very unfortunate person,
felt at the bottom of her heart that in securing
her beloved sister fi'om suicide, she had given up
every thing in the shape of worldly comfort and
enjoyment, which had hitherto made her own life
desirable. And that sister was now looking so
exceedingly ugly, old, and thin, that Miss Louisa,
198 THE BARNABYS
who watched her with all the tender solicitude of
a mother, was falling fast into a profound melan-
choly, from the conviction, that though the pro-
mise she had extorted from her as the price of
her own consent to this unhappy expedition,
might secure her from self-slaughter, it would not
secure her from hating the life so preserved ; for
as she gazed upon her long, pale, peevish face,
she felt most miserably certain that no gentle-
man on God's earth, who was in his right senses,
would ever think of such a thing as marrying
her. When, therefore, Annie Beauchamp's eye
fell upon her, her quiet and usually tranquil
features were somewhat agitated by the thoughts
that had taken possession of her mind, and her
light gray eyes, which were not very large, had
more tears in them than they could conveniently
hold ; but when she caught the glance of the
young American fixed upon her, she made an
effort to smile, and said, in an accent that spoke
a good deal of gratitude,
" Indeed, young lady, you are very kind."
Annie immediately changed her seat for one
that was close to her, and taking her hand, said
cheerfully,
IN AMERICA. 199
" Now then, Miss Perkins, tell me what sort
of a book you like best. Shall it be grave or
gay ? English or American ? Prose or verse ?"
" Any book," replied Miss Louisa, very con-
siderably comforted at being addressed so kindly ;
" any book or newspaper in the world would cer-
tainly be greatly more agreeable than sitting with
nothing at all to do, of any sort or kind. But
the greatest kindness of all would be to give us
something that my sister Matilda would like to
read. She is a far greater reader than I am at
all times, my pleasure being more in seeing that
every thing is tidy and comfortable at home.
But poor Matilda is very fond of a novel, and if
you chanced to have a pretty love story that she
never happened to meet with before, I do think
it would go further to raise up her spirits than
any thing. And if I could but see her looking
a little happy again it would quite set me
up."
Annie rose with the intention of immediately
ransacking her little collection for love ; but, as
far as her own feelings were concerned, it was
gi'eatly more for the sake of the elder sister, than
for the gratification of the younger ; but Miss
200 THE BARNABYS
Matilda stopped her ere she reached the door,
exclaiming,
" Oh ! do not go, my dear Miss Beauchamp !
A little of your delightful conversation will do
me more good than all the novels in the world.
My elder sister is one of the very best and most
ladylike people in the world, I do assure you ;
though at present, of course, you see her to a
disadvantage, so very little dressed as she is, and
aU that ; but though she is quite superior as to
her fortune and station in life, and all those sort
of advantages, yet I won't pretend that at her age
she would be likely to enjoy a comfortable chat
with a young person like you in the same way
that I should do. I need not point out to you the
diiference there is between us in age ; it is quite
extraordinar}^, isn't it ? A great many people
won't believe that we are sisters. But I was
going to say that if you happen to have a news-
paper, there is nothing in the world that Louisa
likes so well, and then while she is poring over
that, you and I can talk."
Miss Beauchamp answered not a word to
this, and we have therefore no right, perhaps,
to be less discreet concerning her feelings than
IN AMERICA. 201
she was herself; but though she spoke not, she
bit her beautiful under-hp severely, and if she
had been sufficiently imprudent to speak at all,
it would have been in a manner but little likely to
assist the object confided to her by her mamma.
She appeared, however, to be entirely occupied
by taking a thorn out of her finger, and turned
to ^ the window in order to attain the degree
of light necessary to this delicate operation ; and
then, after the delay of a moment, she again
turned to leave the room, saying that she would
return again in a moment.
" What a kind, sweet tempered young
thing !" said Miss Louisa, as soon as the door
was closed.
" A very nice girl indeed," replied her sister.
" Her eyes are rather too large, and her hair
too abundant, and too dark, to satisfy my ideas
of perfect feminine beauty ; but nevertheless she
is certainly very pretty looking, and most un-
commonly agreeable, considering she has never
seen London, nor even Cheltenham or Brighton.
I hope we shall become exceedingly intimate,
for I think we shall suit exactly. I have got
dreadfiilly tired of poor dear Patty, and that's
K 3
202 THE BARNABYS
the truth, though of course I don't mean to
let any of 'em find it out. But upon my word
it is enough to make any body sick, hearing
her run on so for everlasting about her husband ;
and, to teU you the truth, Louisa, I am terribly
afraid her husband begins to think so too ; for
it is not once, nor twice either, that I have
seen him yawn as if his jaws would crack,
when she has been kissing him ; and it is plain
enough, poor thing, that she does not at aU
approve his taking much notice of any one
else, for I have got some temble sour looks
from her on board ship when he has ventured
to come where I was standing to watch the
flying fish, or any thing of that kind. Away
she was, after him in a minute. But I am
sure she need not have been afraid, for the
very last thing I should ever think of doing
would be encouraging the attentions of a fiiend's
husband."
" Oh ! dear no ! I am sure you would not
do any such thing as that, Matilda," said her
sister, looking rather surprised and shocked
at the suggestion ; " but I can't say — "
Here she was interrupted by the return of
IN AMERICA. 203
Annie, with three thin volumes of unmistakable
circulating library complexion in one hand, and
a gray-tinted newspaper in the other. Setting
the books down on a table by which she passed,
Miss Beauchamp approached the meek Louisa
with a newspaper.
" I am afraid this will not entertain you so
well as a London newspaper would do. Miss
Perkins; but at least you will find one half-
column down here that is all about England,
and you must not be angry if you do not find
it very civil, because our newspaper people
think there is no opportunity of semng their
own country, at once so profitable and so cheap
as by abusing yours."
This was said in a tone and spirit so very
different from that in which, a short hour or
so before, the same young lady had discoursed
on the subject of England to Mr. Egerton, that
any person, hearing both, may be well tempted
to accuse her of inconsistency ; and really I
know no defence for her, save that she ivas
a young lady, — a class which from long usage,
by this time grown into something like pre-
scriptive privilege, holds itself exempt from
204 THE BARNABYS
the necessity of always being of the same
opinion.
" I am very much obliged to you indeed"
said Miss Louisa, receiving the odd-looking
pages with a smile of genuine pleasure and
gratitude. " It is so very kind of you to
think about me .'"
And while Annie stiU stood beside her, she
turned her eyes to the paper, and began reading
it, to show, perhaps, that she reaUy did take
great interest in a newspaper. The first, and
indeed as it seemed the only thing which par-
ticularly attracted her attention however on the
present occasion, was a succession of little dingy
pictures, one of which appeared to adorn every
paragraph in the page which first happened to
meet her eye.
" What are all these little men running
meant for?" said Miss Louisa, looking up very
innocently in the face of her new friend. " Is
it to make the newspaper look pretty ?'*
Annie laughed.
"No, Miss Perkins," she replied, "neither
the portraits or the originals of these running
gentry, are counted very pretty in the United
IN AMERICA. 205
States. No ! these figures are intended for use,
not ornament ; they are placed there to call the
attention of the reader to the advertisement
which follows, which is always about some runa-
way slave or other, and is to give notice that
any one who finds him or her — for the ladies
sometimes run as well as the gentlemen — is to
cafch them, and send them back to their
owners."
Miss Louisa, though, as I have said, a very
worthy woman, was not a very well-informed
one, and knew as little about the great transat-
lantic subject of negro slavery as most people.
Nevertheless she had heard of such a thing, and
in a general way considered it, like the rest of
the European world, men, women, and childi*en,
to be something exceedingly atrocious and un-
christian. Without the very slightest affecta-
tion therefore, for there was no such thing in
her, she shuddered visibly, as her beautiful com-
panion uttered the above words, and exclaimed
involuntarily, " Oh dear ! oh dear ! how very
shocking that sounds !"
Miss Beauchamp coloured slightly, and turned
away.
206 THE BARNABYS
" I have brought you some books, ma'am,"
she said, addressing herself to Matilda, after the
silence of a moment, " I am sorry I cannot stay
with you any longer, but I am obliged to be up
stairs."
Miss Matilda began a flourishing speech,
about sorrow at losing her, and gratitude for her
books, but before she had half finished the
young lady had given them both a valedictory
nod, and disappeared. The situation of both
sisters was, however, essentially improved. Louisa
had not only her newspaper to read, which,
despite its melancholy pictures, was a great deal
better than nothing, but she had also the great,
the very great consolation, of seeing her sister
look ten years younger, and twenty times less
discontented, than before the fair Annie had paid
them her unexpected visit, and before she had
got three volumes of native manufactory, con-
cerning love and matrimony, to read. Nor did
these favourable symptoms altogether disappear
even when she discovered that her book, though
exceedingly interesting, was not without its
faults, the greatest of which, in her eyes, was the
gross absurdity committed by the author in
IN AMERICA. 207
introducing his heroine, as already in the per-
fection of beauty at the ridiculous age of six-
teen ! This blunder so strongly affected her
that she actually began to think aloud, and ex-
claimed, without any intention of consulting her
sister on the subject, " What a pity to spoU the
whole interest by such nonsense as that ! Any
rational person, who knows any thing of human
nature, must be constantly expecting to hear of
her being whipped and put to bed for some
chndish naughtiness or other. There is but one
way of my finding any interest in the story, I
am quite sure, and that way I shall take, for it
seems beautifully written, and full of the most
touching sentiments — I shall just consider it a
misprint, and correct sixteen into six-and-twenty
at the very least."
Perhaps at the bottom of her heart might
have lurked the thought that to produce the
perfection of full-grown female sensibility another
ten years might have been added, with very
manifest advantage to the interest and the truth
of the story.
But notwithstanding these drawbacks of
young love on the one hand, and negro slavery
208 THE BARNABYS
on the other, both the sisters felt themselves
considerably better than they had done since
they landed on the shores of the United States.
The position meanwhile of the real heroine of
these pages was stiU more essentially improved.
At the same time that her daughter went to
visit the Miss Perkinses, Mrs. Beauchamp, by
the aid of the black waiting-maid, Cleopatra,
sought and found the retreat of Mrs, AUen
Barnaby. The major having, as usual, wan-
dered to a bniiard-table, his lady was left in
undisturbed possession of " her chamber," and
was employing herself at the moment her new
friend entered, in preparing for her important
literary undertaking, being in the act of writing
down, in a little blank-paper book, which she
had just sewed up for the purpose, the heads of
various subjects to which she immediately in-
tended to direct her attention. Nothing could
exceed the pleasure she felt at seeing Mrs.
Beauchamp, except what she expressed. She
immediately laid down her pen, and hastening
towards her performed a ceremonious courtesy,
whUe she frankly extended her hand, which was
intended to typify and express, as it were, all the
IN AMERICA. 209
stately dignity of the old world, combined with
the unsophisticated cordiality of the new.
" I hope I don't break in upon you, ma'am,
at a time that don't convene ?" said Mrs. Beau-
champ. "I see that you are already got to
your writing, w^hich agrees with what your good
gentleman told me, but now, was the employ-
ment as was most likely to occupy you just at
the present."
" And for that very reason, my dearest Mrs.
Beauchamp," replied the animated Mrs. Allen
Barnaby, " I am enchanted beyond what I am
able to express, at your having the excessive
kindness to call on me. It is here only, Mrs.
Beauchamp, in the retirement of my own apart-
ment, that such a ^dsit can be duly appreciated.
I dare say my excellent husband, Major Allen
Barnaby — one of the best of men, Mrs. Beau-
champ — I dare say he may have ventured to
hint to you that my purpose in coming to this
most interesting of countries is, in effect, to do
the very exact thing of which you were so elo-
quently speaking last night ?"
" Yes, Mrs. Allen Barnaby, he has indeed,
ma'am," repHed the visiter, " and I can't say
210 THE BARNABYS
but what I heard the news with very particular
pleasure, seeing that you are a lady so every way
qualified to perform the work proposed, with
honour to yourself, and satisfaction to those
about whose concerns it is your intention to
instruct the world. And if you do this, ma'am,
you will have the glory of achieving just what
nobody else that has tried, has ever been able to
do yet."
" If I should indeed be so happy," replied
Mrs. Allen Barnaby, modestly casting her eyes
upon the ground, " I feel siu-e that I shall owe
it you. I certainly did come to this country
solely for the purpose of writing upon it ; but I
always felt, even when most eager to undertake
the task, that I must fail, as so many others
have done before me, unless I had the good for-
tune to form an acquaintance with some accom-
plished person of my own sex, who should be
induced to assist me by counsel and information,
such as, of course, none but a native can give."
" And it is that very thought of yours,
ma'am, I will venture to say, that wiU certify
your success," replied her new friend. "It is
just exactly what nobody has ever done before,
IN AMERICA. 2 1 1
and it is for that very reason, I expect, that no
traveller has ever yet produced a book upon the
Union that can justly be called fit to be read,"
" Heaven grant that by your assistance I may
avoid their errors !" cried Mrs. Allen Barnaby,
fervently casting her eyes towards the ceiling of
the room. " I can safely say that no one ever
undertook a task which caused greater anxiety,
or a more ardent desire of success."
"There is no doubt of it, Mrs. Allen Bar-
naby, — no doubt whatever of your success I
mean, nor of aU the rewards in this world and
the next, which you will so well deserve to
receive," replied Mrs. Beauchamp, with an
ardour which was considerably more sincere
than that of her companion. " You will,
indeed, have every advantage/' she resumed;
"for not only will you see things without pre-
judice, by being made to understand them really
as they are, but from having been in the habit
of writing so much in the old country, you must
have got the knack of it, as we say, and will
find the work come to your hand quite easy, I
expect."
"Yes, my dear Mrs. Beauchamp, I have
212 THE BARNABYS
wTitten a great deal," replied Mrs. AUen Bar-
nabyj with a modest meditative air; "and though
during several years of certainly veiy successful
publication, a feeling of timidity, perhaps too
long indulged, has prevented my ever meeting
the public, face to face as I may call it, under
my real name, I cannot now, as you wgU ob-
serve, feel any of the difficulties of a mere novice.
I shall, on the contrary, set about my task with
that delightful sensation of confidence which
conscious ability I believe always gives. Do not
impute vanity to me, my dear madam, from my
saying this ; but the fact is, that it would be the
most contemptible affectation, were I to pretend
ignorance of the admiration which my writings
have produced. I have never published any
thing, I can truly say, froin the moment I first
handled a pen, without its meeting the most
brilliant success, and it would show a great want
of common sense on my part, were I to pretend
now to fear that I should fail : and with such a
theme too 1"
" It would indeed be foUy for any one to sup-
pose such a thing possible," replied Mrs. Beau-
champ 3 " but yet I cannot help thinking," she
IN AMERICA. 213
added after the meditation of a minute or two,
" I cannot help thinking, Mrs. AUen Barnaby,
that you might bring your work forward in a
superior sort of style, as I may say, if you would
just consent to put in the title-page ' by the
author of — whatever pre^'ious works of yours
have had the greatest success. I really would
strongly ad\dse you to think again and again of
this, before you finally make up youi* mind
against it."
" Do not mention the subject to me again, I
entreat of you, Mrs. Beauchamp," retm*ned the
European lady, with some slight display of im-
patience. " You know not, to be sure it is im-
possible that you should know, how eternally I
have been — I may say persecuted in England
\Ndth the same request — and having resisted the
most earnest entreaties of persons of station,
even too high for me to venture to name, can
you really think that I ought to yield to any
other ? I feel quite certain that when you
have thought a little more about it, Mrs. Beau-
champ, and when you have brought youi'self to
recollect that there are in our countr}^, persons
— or at any rate one person — whom it is by
214 THE BARNABYS
no means easy to refuse, you will perceive
and acknowledge the necessity of my continued
reser\'e."
" Why, as to that, Mrs. Men Barnaby," re-
turned the republican lady, " I have no great
notion of any one person being such a vast long
way before aU the rest as you seem to make
out : and to say the truth, I can't realize to my-
self the possibility of such an elegant smart
woman as you are, being chained up in that
way, as I may call it, by any one. Why, there's
our president now, he's fii'st and foremost in
course, because it has been our wiU and pleasure
to make him so ; but, Lord bless yom- soul,
Mrs. Allen Barnaby, he might ask any one of
us to do any thing from July to eternity, and it
would never come into our heads- te- do it, un-
less indeed for some profitable object of our own,
which is quite another thing, and what all sen-
sible men wlR calculate upon doing at all times.
But for gi^^ng way to him for any other reason,
he may march from Washington very consider-
ably east of sunrise, before he vdll find any body
ready to do any such meanness. However, we
won't talk any more about politics just at pre-
IN AMERICA. 215
sent, and instead of it I want vou to show me
what you have jotted down there."
And Mrs. Beauchamp, with a little natural
and national cmiosity, did just peep at the
foolscap page which lay, half filled in large cha-
racters, after the manner of a list, before Mrs.
Allen Baraaby. That lady's MS. however was
not, as it seemed, yet ready for examination, for,
\^ith a good deal of dignified mysten-, she laid a
blank sheet over that upon which she had
\mtten, and said, " Not yet, dearest Mrs. Beau-
champ, not yet, if you please ; though this ver\-
paper, which I now conceal, is ^^Titten expressly
that I may communicate it to vou. But as vet
I am not fully prepared to do it. It \\ill contain,
when filled up, a list of questions to be addressed
to yourself, on the particular themes that I shall
consider it most necessary' to touch upon in the
course of my work ; and may I not hope that
vou will kindlv condescend to answer them ?"
" And that's just what my veiy heart is long-
ing and burning to do," rephed Mrs. Beauchamp,
her handsome face in a glow of patriotic excite-
ment, " and I do hope it won't be long before
you are ready to begin."
216 THE BARNABYS
" If any immediate arrangements for our
being a good deal together can be made, my
dearest lady, I should be ready to begin our
important consultations directly. In short, the
major has promised to bring me home several
whole quires of paper to-day, besides a large
quantity of pens, and a bottle of ink. So you
may see, my dear madam, from my giving him
such a commission, that I have no intention to
delay the business. However, I charged him to
buy the paper at different shops, for fear of
creating suspicion of what I was about. I always
took the same precaution in London, when I
began a new w^ork."
" Dear me ! Did you really ? How very
cautious !" And then, her curiosity whetted
anew by this allusion to mystery, Mrs. Beau-
champ once more ventured to return to the for-
bidden subject, and added, " do now just teU me
the name of the least and littlest of aU your
books !"
Mrs. Allen Barnaby coloured violently through
her rouge, and for a moment felt convinced that
the interesting history of her anonymous fame
was suspected ; but when she ventui'ed to look
IN AMERICA. 217
again at the animated countenance of Mrs.
Beauchamp, she perceived with the greatest
possible satisfaction, that she was altogether
mistaken. Nothing was to be seen there but
the most respectful admiration, excepting in-
deed that little imp-like sparkle of curiosity,
which peeped out of her eyes, and which, under
the ^circumstances, would certainly have been
pardonable in any daughter of Eve, but in a-
transatlantic one the want of it would have been
nothing less than unnatural. Mrs. Allen Bar-
naby therefore again rallied her spirits, and
played off with great ability the part of an em-
barrassed and somewhat agitated incognita, to
whom the removal of the veil would be exces-
sively distressing, while the preserving it was
exceedingly difficult. At length the scene reached
its climax by her putting her handkerchief to
her eyes, and exclaiming, " Spare me ! my
dearest Mrs. Beauchamp ! spare me ! The time
shall come when I wiU have no reserves with
you; but your own admirable judgment must
t^U you that just at this moment, when my
nerves are naturally shaken by the contemplation
of an undertaking which I feel to be almost
VOL. I. L
218 THE BARNABYS
awfully important, there would be great weak-
ness in my suffering my spirits to be agitated by
my making a disclosure which, I am weU aware,
would at once bring upon me the eyes of all
America, as weU as of all Europe. I implore
you, therefore, for the present, to make no fur-
ther aUusion to my former writings, but rather let
us employ the precious minutes with which you fa-
vour me by aiTanging how I can in the most effec-
tual manner be thrown into the circle amongwhich
you usually live, in order to catch as much as pos-
sible, your views and opinions upon aU subjects."^
"Well, then," returned Mrs. Beauchamp,
with the most perfect good humour, " I expect I
won't plague you one bit more at present, as you
say, about the works that have made your false
name so celebrated. Not but what I'd give one
of my fingers to know what the name was.
However, we will say no more about it now ; and
instead of it I will tell you what my scheme is
for our passing as much time together as pos-
sible. I calculate, in course, Mrs. Allen Barnaby,
that your plan in writing upon the Union, is to
travel through all the most celebrated and won-
derful parts of it ?"
x^-^v^
fX>P>?Z.<^n^&^ZC^^
A^^ ^^^^--^/o i^^2y<.J^>;^
-, .!«„ TT— -__ r> _^^
!
IN AMERICA. 219
" Most assm-edly," replied the authoress, with
decision.
" Well then, my plan is to travel too," re-
turned Mrs. Beauchamp; "because then, you
know, as the things come in all their glory
before our eyes, I can explain them to you, and
make you realize their particular excellence at
th^ first blush, as I may say. What do you
say to that plan, Mrs. Allen Barnaby ?"
" That it is the most admirable, the most
perfect, the most inconceivably kind that could
possibly have entered your head, and that so
inspired, I must be dull indeed if I fail. But
what does the colonel and your beautiful daughter
say to it, my dear Mrs. Beauchamp ?"
" Oh ! Annie is delighted. She has long
been dying for a travelling frolic ; and she un-
dertakes to do the honours to your friends,
which wiU leave us to our studies, you know.
As to the colonel, to say the truth, I have not
yet mentioned the subject to him ; but he is, I
do expect, the very best man alive, and I am sure
he will make no objection, pro\ided the major
can smoke a cigar, and play a game of piquet.
Can he, Mrs. Allen Barnaby ?"
L 2
220 THE BARNABYS
" The major is very fond of smoking," replied
our heroine ; " and I rather think too," she
added gently, "that he now and then hkes a
game at piquet."
" Well then, I will answer for all the rest,"
resumed the energetic Mrs. Beauchamp, her
patriotic ardour animating her even to her
finger's ends, which were already itching, as she
said, to be at her packing. " The colonel will
be back in a few minutes to take his morning
iced julap, and then I will tell him aU about it."
Mrs. Beauchamp was by no means "talk-
ing without her host," when she said that if
the major smoked cigars, and played piquet,
she could answer for all the rest. Of course
she was too clever a woman not to know how
to set the thing properly before the eyes of
her husband. She said little or nothing to him
concerning her project of redeeming the repu-
tation of the United States, and undoing aU the
mischief which former travellers had perpetrated
against this rudely-treated portion of the earth's
service, by taking the pen of Mrs. Allen Bar-
naby under her especial influence and control.
She said little or nothing of all this, because
IN AMERICA. 221
she knew that, although her husband was, as a
matter of course, an excellent patriot (what Ameri-
can is not ?) yet nevertheless, the sluggish circula-
tion of his blood, which, without greatly injuring
his bodily health, had reduced his mental ener-
gies very nearly to the condition of those of a
dormouse, prevented his greatly enjoying any
long discussions on the subject. What she
chiefly dwelt upon, therefore, was the great
delight which his darling Annie would enjoy
from travelling in the society of this very dis-
tinguished English party, and also the provi-
dential circumstance of their meeting with a
gentleman who could both smoke cigars and
play piquet, and thus render the performance
of his long-given promise of taking his daughter
" about a Httle," a matter of pleasure instead of
annoyance.
" Very well, my dear," was the colonel's first
answer : " manage it just as you like. If it's
a good boat I shall be quite ready to start."
222 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER XIIL
Some interesting passages in the progressive attachment
of Mesdames Bamaby and Beauchamp — ^The Ame-
rican lady hints a wish to see the dresses of the
Enghsh one — Compliance is promised, but a short
delay requested.
When Major Allen Bamaby learned from
his wife that the travelling party, to be com-
Jiosed in the manner already agreed upon by
the two ladies, was actually arranged, he smiled
very good-humouredly, and said,
" That's all very well, my Barnaby, and a
capital hand you are, to set a machine in action.
But you don't quite calculate, do you — as
these curious fellows say — upon my being ready
to pack up, and to go away at a moment's
warning ? You do not in sober earnest expect
that, do you ?"
These words
Of doubt and dread
IN AMERICA. 223
came like a thunderbolt — or rather like an
avalanche, for nothing could be more chilling
— on the ears and heart of poor Mrs. Allen
Barnaby. Never having been from her earliest
infancy, in the habit of doubting her own
powers, she had no sooner fully conceived the
scheme of writing a book, than a well-assured
and very brilliant success immediately rose be-
fore her mind's eye, as being perfectly certain;
and that too, no mere idle, windy, wordy suc-
cess, born in the drawing-room, and buried on
the staircase, but solid, profitable, money-getting
success, that might do as much to help them
forward, or very nearly so, as one of the major's
best games at piquet in Curzon-street ; and
overlooking the possibility that her husband's
views of the case might not be precisely the same
"as her own, she felt as much shocked and
.disappointed at hearing him thus speak to her,
as if he had suddenly declared that he meant to
turn hermit, and for the fatui'e should require
no money at all.
The dismay expressed by her countenance
was so great, and to say the truth, so comical,
that the major for one moment laughed outright.
224 THE BARNABYS
But this was a species of amusement that, upon
principle, he rarely indulged in, and before
the fire which he saw mounting to his lady's
eyes had fully flashed upon him, the foolish
fit was over, and his laugh exchanged for a
smile of the most amiable domestic amenity.
" Come, come wife," said he, " you must
not take what I say too gravely, either, and
I cannot help laughing when I see you getting
it into your head, that I mean to take up my
dweUing in this cursed place and remain here
to be broiled everlastingly. Set your heart at
rest upon that point, my Bamaby. If you are
in such haste to be off, it's lucky for you,
perhaps, that the set here are just what they
are. Why, my dear, wiU you believe it, I
don't think that out of the thirty or forty plajdng-
men, that I have either tried myself, or watched
others tr)-, I don't believe that out of the
whole number, there's half a dozen that isn't
as keen witted as myself — you understand me ?
Now that won't do, you know by any means.
What's good play, or a sharp eye, or the help
of Tomorino, or any thing else with such a
set of fellows ? The difference between London
IN AMERICA. 225
and New Orleans seems to be just this. On
our side of the water there's a population of
flats, with just a respectable sprinkling of sharps
among them to keep men from going to sleep,
and sinking into absolute stupidity. But here,
upon my honour and soul, the whole popu-
lation, old and young, strikes me as being
sharps, with such a scanty supply of flats
amongst them, as it breaks one's spirit to think
of. And as for the diamond-cut-diamond sort
of business, that is carried on here, it would
not suit me at aU. I am not used to it, and
I am not quite so young as I was, my dear,
and ceaseless, never-ending hard work, don't
suit me. I won't say but what I might be
a match for them if I tried hard for it, but the
profit would be little or none, for after a fair
trial between me and most of 'em, I am greatly
mistaken if we should not one and all come to
pretty nearly the same conclusion, and that
would just be to let one another alone."
" But how do these gentlemen make the
thing answer themselves, my dear Donny ?"
demanded his wife, with her usual shrewd-
ness.
. L 3
V
226 THE BARNABYS
" Why, I suppose, by watching for every
new arrival, like sharks after a dead body,"
he replied ; " but that would never answer for
us, my dear Barnaby. Besides, if it did, they
would get so confounded jealous of me, being
an Englishman, that I should have no peace
of my life. No, wife, I shan't stay here, I
promise you — you have no reason to be terrified
by that notion."
"But you have not lost any thing to speak
of yet, have you, my dear ?" said she, her own
satisfaction at the idea of their departure being
for a moment lost sight of, in her domestic
anxiety for the well-doing of every member
of her beloved family. " You have not paid
very dear, I hope, for what you have learned ?"
" No, my dear," he replied, " that is not
my way, and I should have thought you might
have guessed as much. No ; I thought I
detected something the first night, just before
the party broke up, that looked a little like
a determination to let me win, but I was not
sure of it ; so last night I became a good deal
more heedless and gay-hearted, you see, than
before, and then I saw — ay, and heard too —
IN AMERICA. 227
what put me up to them. Why they had
found me out in no time, and all theu' scheming
was not to get the better of me, but to get
me dropped out of one or two set-to games
they had been planning, where they had got
something like a novice to work at. So I very
quietly let them have their way about it, and
I think that puzzled them again a little. But
that's only the fun of a moment, mind you,
and would not last, I'll engage for it, long
enough to make me sure of a dozen dollars.
However, we can't suppose, you know, that
they are all finished up in this high style, in
every part of the Union, and further on I hope
we shall fare better, my Barnaby. I shall do
very well by and by, I dare say, so don't look
uneasy about it."
" Heaven grant we may fare better, my
dear !" replied his wife, " for confident as 1 '
am of the success of my work, it will by no
means do, Donny, for us all to depend upon
it, you know." . —
" No, my dear," said he very demurely,
" I don't think it will. Nevertheless, wife, I
do not intend, mind you, to set off post haste,
228 THE BARNABYS
just after what happened last night. They
would understand it exactly as well as you
do, and a little better too perhaps, for you
win be thinking, naturally enough, that your
book has something to do with it ; while they'd
know, well enough, every mother's son of them,
that coming out here to see what I could do,
I had met with my match, and was off to
find game less wild elsewhere ; and I'll leave
you to judge the sort of introduction that
would follow after me. So if you please, my
dear love, we will not start in a bustle, and you
must please to teU your new friend, Mrs.
Beauchamp, who, I suspect, manages her hus-
band more completely than even you do yours,
my Bamaby, that you intend to begin your
examination of their magnificent country here,
and you may ask her, if you will, to introduce
you about a little. Every body seems to know
them, and I am told that Beauchamp has the
finest estate, and the largest gang of slaves in
all Carolina."
However well Mrs. Allen Barnaby might
manage her Donny, she knew what " if you
please, my dear love" meant, as w^ell as an
IN AMERICA. 229
old mare on a common knows the length of
her tether ; and she, therefore, hazarded not one
word of objection to this prolonged abode at
New Orleans, though she not only longed with
extreme impatience, to set off on the progress
which her new friend had sketched out to her
in such inviting colours, but she also earnestly
desired to remove herself from an atmosphere
where she was perpetually uttering prayers, the
very reverse of Hamlefs, and wishing that her
too, too melting flesh were more solid, and
not thawing and dissolving itself into dew, as
it did at present. There was, however, some-
thing in the idea of being introduced into New
Orleans society by a person whom every body
knew, and who had the finest estate and largest
gang of slaves in Carolina, which was very
consolatory, and like a wise woman, she im-
mediately fixed her thoughts, and brought her
conversation to bear on this most agreeable
portion of her husband's discourse.
" That is a capital good idea of yours, major,"
said she, " about my asking Mrs. Beauchamp
to introduce us, as if just for the purpose, you
know, of enabling me to describe the society
230 THE BARNABYS
in my book. And with that notion in her
head, she will pick out the very best and gen-
teelest : see if she don't."
" I have no doubt of it," he replied, with
a sagacious nod, " and I shall choose, my dear,
to be included in this visiting, for I know of
old, that New Orleans is accounted one of the
first places for play, of its size, anywhere ; and
that makes me think that it's likely enough,
coming here as a stranger, with my family
and all, so veiy respectable and domestic, I
may do better in these drawing-rooms for the
time we stay, than I have any chance of doing
among the regiilar set at the gaming-tables.
So I don't care how soon you set about talking
to her on this subject; and you may say, you
know, that in a new place, as this is to you,
it has always been your rule to go nowhere
unaccompanied by your ' excellent husband.'
You understand me ?"
" Oh yes, perfectly, my dear ; and I'll do
the thing as it ought to be done, you may
depend upon it. But I say, Donny, dear, there
is no occasion, is there, for me to take those
poor dear lanky-looking Perkinses with me,
IN AMERICA. 231
everywhere ? It will be all very weU when
we are in lodgings anywhere that we should
all be together, because if it's the same here
as in London, that makes a great difference
in paying for the drawing-room; but it wiU
be a dreadful bore, won't it, if we can never
go out any where without them? I am sure
I d^n't know who'll ever ask us."
" On that point, my dear, I have not a word
to say," replied the major, shaking his head,
"it is one of those female, lady-like mysteries with
which I positively can have nothing to do. It
was you, my dear, and your daughter Patty, that
arranged their coming with us, and now, if you
like it, you may arrange that they shall be sent
back again. If you had requested to bring
mother Redcap I should have consented, pro-
vided she could have paid her expenses, and if
you had her here, I should let you do precisely
what you liked with her. But I must not be
plagued about it, Mrs. Barnaby."
" No more you shall, dear ; I'U manage all
that. And now be off with you, there's a good
man, for I shall have Mrs. Beauchamp knocking
at my door in a minute, and by what I hear the
232 THE BARNABYS
boarding ladies say to one another, they would be
shocked dreadfully to find you here."
" Shocked to find me in my own room,
wife ?" said the major, somewhat surprised.
" Yes, they would indeed. It does seem
droll, to be sure; but Mrs. Beauchamp says
that every lady's chamber, as she calls it, is con-
sidered in all the boarding-houses, the genteelest
place to receive company, lady company of course,
and therefore that the husbands are never per-
mitted to be there."
" Well then, I'm off. I'll just ramble about
a little among the biUiard-tables this morning,
but I shall be devilish careful how I play. So
you must not be over anxious, my dear."
* # * # *
The sociable anticipations of Mrs. Allen Bar-
naby were not disappointed, for hardly had the
major disappeared before, as she had predicted,
the gentle, lady-like knock of Mrs. Beauchamp
was heard at the door. The well pleased tenant
of the " chamber," confined not her welcome to
the ordinary words " come in," but hastening to
the door, threw it open to its widest extent, and
did every thing that smiles, nods, hand-pressings,
IN AMERICA. 233
and rejoicing expletives could do, to prove the
delight which the visit gave her.
The two ladies then seated themselves on a
comfortable sofa, and smilingly began to com-
pare notes on the explanatory interviews they
had had with their respective husbands, since
their conversation of the preceding morning.
Bot^ declared that, far from finding any difficulty,
the plan they had formed had met with the
most cordial approbation from the gentlemen,
both concluding her agreeable statement nearly
in the same words, namely, " I must say that
whenever I particularly wish any thing, the
colonel (or) the major, very rarely opposes
me."
And then, having reached this point, Mrs.
AUen Barnaby said, quite as a matter of course,
that some short time however must be given to
becoming better acquainted with the charming
town they were in, for that it would be dreadful
to write a book on America, and find nothing to
say of so very fine a city as New Orleans.
" God bless my soul ! I never thought of
that !" exclaimed Mrs. Beauchamp, with the
look and voice of a sincere penitent. " Most
234 THE BARNABYS
perfectly true ! to be sure, most perfectly true !
I shall never forgive myself, I do think, for ever
dreaming that you could start as we talked, right
away up the river, with never a word said of such
a gloiy of a city as New Orleans ! I expect I
had better not teU this tale against myself at
Mrs. Carmichael's dinner table, or I shall get
more sour looks than would be at all agreeable.
However, we'U both of us remember the proverb,
* least said is soonest mended,' and never say a
word about it ; you understand me, my dear
lady? Yes, to be sure you must, Mrs. Allen
Bamaby," she continued, after meditating a mo-
ment, " you must see the theatres, both French
and American ; and the glorious quays, and the
magnificent levee, and we must get to the place
where you'U be sure to see the most steamboats
together, such a sight as you never saw before, I
calculate. And then the market ! Oh, such a
market ! every individual thing coming by the
river, and no other earthly way, so smooth, such
a cuiTent, and so unaccountable beautiful ! And
then there wiE be the shops. You London ladies
win find the difference between these shops and
yours, I expect ; for here it is altogether one and
IN AMERICA. 235
the same thing as if you went into the shops at
Paris, even down to the talking French behind
the counters, which we calculate gives a very
genteel air to the town, being foreign-like with-
out being English, which is what, as you want to
know every thing, you will excuse me for saying,
we prefer. But I have little or no doubt, my
dear Mrs. Allen Barnaby, that when your book
appears, such a book as, between us, I am sure
we shall be able to make it, all those little unplea-
sant feehngs will wear away, and you will come
to be quite as popular among us as the French
themselves."
" Heaven grant your delightful prophecy
may come true, my dear madam," returned Mrs.
Allen Barnaby, every feature as she listened ex-
pressive of attention and deep respect. " That
it should prove so is, I may truly say, the first
and dearest wish of my heart ! But it seems to
me, my dear Mrs. Beauchamp, that notwith-
standing the many interesting things you have
mentioned, you have omitted one that is almost,
I think, the most important of all."
" Have I, indeed !" exclaimed Mrs. Beau-
champ, looking in no degi-ee displeased by the
236 THE BARNABYS
remark. " But I have no doubt you are right ;
it is indeed a great deal more likely that you
should be right than not, for this country, from
end to end, is so crammed full of wonders, of one
sort or another, that I expect one must have a
most imaccountable good memory not to forget
some of them. But tell me, my dear lady, what
is the particular thing you mean ?"
"It is your own fault, my dear Mrs. Beau-
champ," replied the anxious inquirer, " if I do
think it the most important of all," replied Mrs.
Allen Barnaby, with a very charming smile. " If
I had never seen or conversed with you, I might
not perhaps have been so very desirous of acquir-
ing the power of describing the society of the
country. This is it, which I must confess strikes
me as the most important feature of all, espe-
cially in such sort of work as that which I intend
to produce."
"And you are right, I guess, as sure as there's
a sun in heaven. No doubt about it; and what
in the world I could be thinking of to suppose
you could begin, even for a single page, without
that, is more than I can guess, I promise you.
I suppose I thought that was sure to come as a
IN AMERICA. 237
matter of course. And so I suppose it would,
in the long run, but you are a deal more smart
and thoughtful than I am in turning your mind
to it from the very first. Luckily there's no
time lost as yet, however, and a few notes of my
writing to some of the people of first standing
in the town, will settle the matter at once."
I l^ow not," said Mrs. AEen Barnaby, with
much feeling, while her jocund heart fluttered
in her bosom, as she remembered the trunks
full of fine furbelowed dresses she had brought
from London, "indeed I know not how I can
ever thank you enough for all the trouble you
are taking for me ! All I can say is, that you
will not find an ungrateful heart."
"All I can do, and ten times more, Mrs. Allen
Barnaby, may be out and out repaid, I expect,
if you win but exert your talents for us," replied
Mrs. Beauchamp. "All I want in return is
that you should portrait us out to the world for
just what we really are, and that is the finest
nation upon the surface of God's whole earth,
and as far ahead in civilization of Europe in
general, and England in particular, as the sum-
mer is before winter in heat."
238 THE BARNABYS.
" On that point fear nothing," replied Mrs.
Allen Barnaby, with a sort of concentrated
earnestness that seemed quite sublime to Mrs.
Beauchamp, " my bosom seems to have received
a spark from yours, and glows warmly, and I
trust brightly, with the desire of teacliing the
world where to look for and where to find all
that is noblest in man. But teU me, my dear
friend, permit me to call you so, teU me in what
style do the ladies dress at the parties to which
you so kindly propose introducing us? WiU
feathers be considered as too fuU dress ? I have
many sets that are exceedingly magnificent, but
on this point I shall really wish to be entirely
guided by you."
" WeU, then, ma'am, I may say in return,
that for the most part the ladies of New Orlines
don't consider any dress whatever as too ele-
gant for their parties ; and provided your
feathers come from Paris, I don't in the least
question but what they will be very much ap-
proved. Perhaps, Mrs. AUen Barnaby, as we
are on such comfortable and clever terms to-
gether, you might not object to my just looking
over your dresses? It is what we American
IN AMERICA. 239
ladles don't at all scruple to ask fi-om one
another, and I expect that there's few females
to be found any where as better understands the
thing than we do/'
* * * * :j^ #
It was quite impossible that Mrs. Beauchamp
could ha^^e made any request with which Mrs.
Allenr Barnaby would have complied with greater
pleasure. Partly by the aid of the ready money
which had floated round them duiing theii* few
months' prosperous abode in London, and partly
from the credit w^hich had resulted from it,
Mrs. AUen Barnaby had contrived to " rig her-
self out," as she called it, with a prodigious
quantity of fine clothes. Nearly the first
thought wliich crossed her mind when informed
by her husband that she must prepare to cross
the Atlantic, was hoiu she should be able to
convey these treasures with her. She had
puUed them, and caused them to be pulled forth
from theii' various repositories, and probably
any woman of nerves less firm than her own
would, on seeing the accumulation, have aban-
doned the idea of conve^dng• them all with her
as a thing impossible. But not so my heroine.
240 THE BARNABYS
As we are told is often the case with the
noblest minds, difficulties on such an occasion
-as this, only seemed to generate strength
throughout her whole frame. A new, a very-
new and original thought struck her a§ she
gazed at the masses of velvet and satin piled
around her in her Curzon-street bedroom, on
the afternoon of the day which succeeded her
celebrated ball. For one short moment indeed
her spirit seemed overwhelmed, and she mut-
tered the word " impossible !" But in the
next the thought above alluded to suggested
itself She fell into an attitude of deep medi-
tation. The fore-finger of her left hand pressed
to her forehead, the right hand extended as if to
forbid the approach of any one to interrupt her,
and her eyes closed. For a few minutes she
stood thus silently and wholly absorbed, then
arousing herself jfrom the sort of trance into
which she seemed to have fallen, she said to the
abigaU, who stood staring at her, " Where were
all the hampers put, that brought in the wine
which your master ordered when we first came
into the house ?"
"I don't rightly know, I'm sure, ma'am,"
■^^r^
J^jZ*^ c^/z/<s^;^z/U^(2A^?t^
IN AMERICA. 241
replied the woman, " but I someliow think • they
are in the coal-hole."
" Coal-hole !" repeated her mistress with a
natm-al shudder. "You mean on'^. of the cel-
lars, I suppose, you vulgar creatare. Such a
house as this has no coal-hole. J\ st go to the
linen press up stairs and bring down aU the
sheets and table-cloths you can find, ay, and all
the ^wels too. Make haste, I shall be back "n
a minute."
A mind of less intense energy would pro-
bably have contented itself by issuing orders for
an examination of the contents of the coal-ceUar,
but that of Mrs. Men Barnaby was differently
constituted. She penetrated herself to the
dusky and dusty region, herself held high the
candle, which enabled her to reconnoitre its
contents, and herself witnessed the drawing forth
of hamper after hamper from its remotest cor-
ner. A mind of less intense energy too might,
considering the puipose to which she d'^sired to
apply these hampers, have shmnk ar-d felt
appalled at the dingy condition in which "jne
found them. But no weakness of the xind
shook, even for a moment, her firm and stead-
VOL. I. M
242 THE BARNABYS
fast purpose. She bade the cook, the page, and
the coachman, who all stood staring at her from
the ai'ea, to lug them out, and then she bade
them take suudry brooms and brush them, and
then she bade them use the handles of the said
brooms to beat and shake them, and finally she
bade them take them all, being eight in number,
and of a g( udly size, their straw abstracted from
w'thin, and the coal dust, as far as might be,
from without, to her own sleeping apartment
and thf re deposit them. . The menials won-
dered but obeyed. This done, she quickly fol-
lowed the eight hampers, and quickly was re-
warded too, by finding how perfect was the
success of her expedient. Guarded by the linen
wrappers in which, with all the tenderness of a
fond parent, she herself enveloped her treasures,
she gradually saw her satins, her silks, her laces
and her velvets, absorbed before her eyes, till
nothing remained to look upon but eight ham-
pers. Oar retrospect has already been too long,
and we therefore must not dwell upon the
Mightful feelings with which the labour thus
accomplished inspired its projector ; suffice it to
say, that Madame Tornorino, as nearly as she
IN AMERICA. 243
could, followed her mamma's example; that not a
candle-box or crockery-crate was left unoccupied;
and that few ladies ever quitted their native
shores leaving less of what they loved behind,
than did the mother and daughter of our history.
But all these treasures, or at least by far the
greater and more precious part of them, were
stUl ^-eposing in their wicker tabernacles, await-
ing the necessity, now apparently so delightfully
near, of being called forth again into action. It
is scarcely exaggeration to say, that every fibre
of their animated owner's frame felt a quiver of
delight as she remembered what she had to
show, and listened to the invitation to display
it. But some delay was, however, inevitable.
The eifect of dragging forth her splendid dra-
peries from the unseemly recesses of a wine
hamper, was in a moment so graphically present
to the soul of Mrs, Allen Barnaby, that, despite
her eagerness, she ventured to refer her friend
to the morrow for the gratification of a curiosity
which it was very evident she would have pre-
ferred gratifying to-day, but when the stately
Mrs. Allen Barnaby said with dignity, " My
travelling tnmks, my dear Madam, have not all
M 2
244 THE BARNABYS
as 3'et been conveyed to my apartment/' Mrs.
Beauchamp became aware that it was no good
to press the matter farther, and curtsied herself
off with an assurance that she would certainly
not forget to write the notes she had mentioned,
and had no doubt whatever that " lots of invi-
tations would follow."
IN AMERICA. 245
CHAPTER XIV.
Bribeary skilfully employed produces great Results — The
Happiness of being re-united to what we Love —
— Major Allen Barnaby very nearly quarrels with his
Lady, but her admirable Judgment and Sweetness
restore her good Humour.
Those among my readers who have studied
the character of Mrs. Allen Barnaby with the
attention it deserves, will easily believe that she
lost no time in setting about the business that
must of necessity precede her keeping her pro-
mise to Mrs. Beauchamp. The absence of the
Major at this moment, and indeed that of his
son-in-law too, was exceedingly provoking.
They were both tall strong men, and she knew
pretty well that it was not very likely either of
them would venture to refuse their assistance to
her, had they been within reach of her com-
mands. But of their whereabouts she knew
246 THE BARNABYS
nothing. And the job, as she told herself, must
be set about instantly. But Mrs. AEen Bar-
naby had great ability, which never showed
itself to greater advantage than when she was
called upon by the exigencies of the moment,
to put herself, and every body else that she could
influence, into a bustle. For one moment, and
no more, she paused to think how she should
begin, and then rang the bell sharply. Cleo-
patra answered it instantly, with the usual negro
grin that seems ever to promise (poor wretches !)
willing obedience. Mrs. Allen Bamaby stood
ready with a little silver coin, commonly called
in those regions a fip', in her hand,
" I have got a rather tough job to get through,
my girl," said she, " and if you will set to and
help me, I'U give you this."
Money is, perhaps, of aU sources of earthly
joy, what a slave loves the best, and though a
negro eye does not sparkle, those of Cleopatra
gleamed forth a look of great delight, and ex-
tending her strangely white palm, so different
in hue from the rest of her skin, she said —
" Please, Missis, I'se ready to do ebery
ting."
IN AMERICA. 247
" That is more than I want, Cleopatra," said
the dignified lady, with a very condescending
smile. "All I want is, that you should go
into that outhouse at the back of the yard, you
know, behind the kitchen, where all our luggage
was put, that came from the custom-house,
and get some of the other blacks to help
you to bring up into this room all the ham-
pers you can find there. Do you under-
stand ?"
" Is all the nigger blacks to share dis, share
and share alike, ma'am ?" demanded the disap-
pointed Cleopatra, holding out her fip' to the
lady.
" No, Cleopatra, no, that is for yourself alone.
Put it in your pocket, and say nothing about it to
anybody. When all the hampers are brought
into this room, and all the deal boxes, and the
great earthenware crate into the room of my
daughter, Madame Tornorino, I will give a levy
to be divided among the people that help
you."
" lb I do it all my own myself, wUl Missis
gib me the levy ?" asked Cleopatra, very coax-
ingly.
248 THE BARNABYS
" I will give the levy whenever the things are
all brought up," replied Mrs. Allen Barnaby ;
" but I tell you, Cleopatra, that you can't do it
by yourself; it is perfectly impossible."
Cleopatra answered nothing, but grinned and
departed. During her absence, Mrs. Allen Bar-
naby arranged her room in the best manner she
could demise for the reception of the ponderous
baggage she expected ; and this done, she sought
and found her daughter, and the two Miss Per-
kinses, whom she informed of what was going on,
and then requested that they would all come
into her room to assist her.
" I'll be hanged if I do, though," replied
Madame Tornorino ; " and while Fm slaving
for you, mamma, I wonder who's to unpack my
own things? I was just talking to Matilda
about them when you came in, wasn't I,
Matilda ?" she added, addressing her friend with
a wink, which demanded an affirmative. " I'll
teU you what. we'U do, mamma, and that will be
all fair and no tyranny, which nobody you know
can abide in this free country — which is news
that I have just learned from Mrs. Grimes — I'll
tell you what we'U do ; you shall take Matilda,
IN AMERICA. 249
and I'll take Louisa, because I like her best for
this sort of thing, and then we can both set to
work fair and above board."
The two sisters eagerly proclaimed themselves
perfectly ready to perform every thing that was
required of them, and Mrs. Allen Barnaby find-
ing she could do no better, submitted to the
arrangement. Whereupon the party, who were
during the discussion assembled in the apart-
ment of Madame Tornorino, divided — two ladies
remaining where they were, while the other two
proceeded across a wide corridor to the domain
of Mrs. Allen Barnaby. But just as Miss
Matilda and her respected friend reached the top
of the stairs, which they passed in their way to .
its entrance, they were greeted by the sight of a
huge hamper that seemed making its own way
up the staircase. The figure of Cleopatra was,
in fact, totally hid by the wide burden she had
deposited on her head, but the next moment
made it visible as, without looking to the right
or to the left, the steadily balanced black machine
passed on, with quite as little attention to what
it met as a steam-engine. The two ladies fol-
lowed ; Miss Matilda wondering, for she knew
M 3
250 THE BARNABYS
not of the hamper scheme, and Mrs. Men Bar-
naby delighted. Ever since her arrival she had
endured a sort of undefined anxiety about the
time and manner of her reunion with the trea-
sures which that hamper and its fellows con-
tained. She knew, indeed, or at any rate she
believed, that those treasures were safe, nay, that
they v*^ere, as it might be said, near her ; but
there was something so unusual, so impracticable
in the nature of their envelopements, that diffi-
culty, uncertainty, and opposition seemed to
overhang her tangible possession of them.
Nothing, in fact, short of the absolute neces-
sity produced by Mrs. Beauchamp's request
could have given her courage to issue the com-
mand she had pronounced to Cleopatra, and
joyful was she — oh ! very joyful, when she per-
ceived one division of her unwieldly armament
thus far advanced on its march towards her own
quarters. What then were her emotions on
entering her room to see all her eight hampers
spreading themselves far and wide before her
eyes, and the well-pleased Cleopatra grinning in
the midst of them. She seized upon Matilda's
arm, and grasped it fondly.
IN AMERICA. 251
"Isn't that a comfort, Matilda?" she ex-
claimed. "I have hardly ever said a word
about it, even to the major, but I declare to you,
upon my honour and life, Matilda, that I always
felt as if I never should get them altogether
again."
Miss Matilda stared with the most unaffected
astonishment at the display which so enchanted
her friend.
" Hampers !" she exclaimed, in an accent
which expressed, better than any words could
have done, how perfectly unintelligible their ap-
pearance was to her.
"Yes, my dear, hampers," returned their
happy owner, laughing heartily. " Do you think
I have brought over a stock of wine in them,
Matilda?" Then turning to the negress, while
she honourably drew forth the promised levy,
(value elevenpence), she said, "And where are
the people who have helped you to bring all
these up, Cleopatra ?"
" De people is me own self, m.issis," replied
the girl, hold out her hand for the well deserved
gratuity.
" Well, to be sure, you are a strong girl ! I
252 THE BARNABYS
didn't quite intend to be giving three fips at a
time to any nigger ; but there, you shall have
it as you have done the job so quickly ; but
remember, all Madame Tornorino's things are to
be brought up too. However, I can tell you
for your comfort that there is not one half so
many as mine. I'm sure I don't know how it
is, Matilda. I have always dressed Patty un-
commonly elegant, as you weU know, and I
shoiild not say I had ever begrudged her any
thing — should you ? And yet, somehow or
other, it always happens that I get quantities
more things for myself That does look a mon-
strous sight of dresses, doesn't it Matilda ?"
" Dresses !" exclaimed the still mystified
Matilda. "Do all those wine hampers contain
dresses, Mrs O — Mrs. AJlen Bamaby ?"
" You shall see, my dear," was the reply.
" Just hand me over that razor of the major's,
wiU you, Matilda ? Now then, which shall we
begin with? Let me see if I can remember
any thing about it. My court di'ess is in the
biggest of all. That's it, isn't it ? Let us begin
with that."
The major's razor was sharp and true, the
IN AMERICA. 253
stout whipcord snapped before it, again, again,
and again, till the top was fairly disengaged on
all sides, and fell creaking to the ground. Mrs.
Allen Barnaby hastily snatched away the linen
wrappers which still intervened between her and
her court dress, and then stood gazing upon it as
it lay richly heaped in all its splendour, with an
intensity of pleasurable emotion to which the
pencil could do better justice than the pen.
Alas ! the poor Matilda ! " How stood she
the while ?" All the finery she had in the world
had crossed the ocean in one trunk, two band-
boxes, and a bag, and all the consolation which
the unpacking, handling, and setting it in order,
could convey to her spuit, had been already
enjoyed ! At that moment, perhaps, she did
envy Mrs. Allen Barnaby notwithstanding her
large waist and her gray hairs ; but a little re-
flection caused her to turn her eyes towards the
looking-glass, whence the youthful contour of
her figure greeted her so cheeringly, that her
spuits revived, and she set about the business
she was summoned to perform, almost without
breathing a sigh ; though she had to hand out
from this and the seven following hampers, not
254 THE BARNABYS
less than thirty-two dresses, three cloaks, five
shawls, nine scarfs, sixteen fichus^ and twenty-
eight embroidered collars ! Nevertheless, the
operation was certainly in some degree a painftd
one. Yet was it soothed by the delightful con-
sciousness, that not one of aU the things she
saw and handled, but would look five thousand
times better upon her than upon its owner !
And thus passed the hours, till the first din-
ner-beU gave notice that it was time to dress.
Miss Matilda heard it vdth joy and gladness,
Mrs. Allen Bamaby with dismay. She had not
found lodging-room, notwithstanding Mrs. Car-
michael's very handsome assignment of drawers,
for one half of her belongings, and now actually
wTung her hands, almost in despair, as she
exclaimed,
" Oh ! Matilda, Matilda ! What am I to do
with my three velvets ?"
" We must think of that another time, my
dear Mrs. O — Allen Bamaby," replied the young
lady, giving notice that it was her decided in-
tention to depart, by walking straight towards
the door, and instantly opening it. " I have got
something very particular to do to the cap I am
IN AMERICA. 255
going to wear at dinner to-day," she said, " and
I can't stay a minute longer."
Before she could be answered, she was gone,
and the perplexed Mrs. Allen Barnaby looked
around her with the mixed feeling of enjoyment
and distress, so frequently produced by the
embarras des richesses. At this moment her
husband entered, for the purpose of preparing
himself for dinner, and great was his astonish-
ment at the spectacle that greeted him. The
eight huge hampers, though emptied of their
contents, occupied not the less space on that
account, but so choked up the room with their
bulk, that it seemed nearly impossible to get
across it.
" What on earth are you about, wife ?" he ex-
claimed, and not, perhaps, in the gentlest of
accents. " What is the good of di'agging out all
this trumpery, if we are to start away up the
Mississippi in a week or so ? Is it for the pleasure
of looking at it all ? Upon my soul I did not
think you were such a fool."
Strong in conscious innocence, my admirable
heroine lost not her temper, but explained to
him as he performed his ablutions, after having
256 THE BARNABYS
scrambled over the obstacles which impeded his
approach to the washing-stand, how absolutely
necessary it was that she should comply with the
marked request of Mrs. Beauchamp, and show that
she had some dresses fit for a Christian to wear.
" It is quite plain to me, Donny," she conti-
nued, soothingly handing him his rose-coloured
satin cravat, " perfectly plain and clear that Mrs.
Beauchamp, w^ho is evidently a remarkably sen-
sible woman, does not choose to commit herself
by introducing strangers of whom she knows no
more than the child unborn, to all the best
families of New Orleans. Now she knows, as
well as I do, that dress speaks for itself — and
though she did it in a very genteel, ladylike way,
I don't greatly doubt, I promise you, that if I
had made any shuffling excuses, about not liking
to unpack my things, we should presently have
found her as shy as you please about introducing
us. But every thing will go right now, depend
upon it. Just ask yourself if any body in their
senses could look upon such dresses as these,
and feel any doubt of the high respectability of
the person to whom they belong? Just ask
yourself, major?"
IN AMERICA. 257
"To be sure there is something in that," replied
the reasonable husband. " But how in the world,
my dear, did you contrive to collect such an
immense quantity of rich, expensive-looking
dresses ? — are they aU paid for, my Barnaby ?"
" My dear major, I always consider that to be
a question between myself and my conscience,
with^ which nobody, not even you, my dear, has
any right to meddle, I know my own heart,
Donny, and when I feel that it is for the advan-
tage of my husband and child to do a thing, I
do it, without stopping to consider what any
body else may think of it. If every body did the
same. Major AUen Barnaby, you may depend
upon it, the world would be a deal better than it
is. But I am soriy to say that duty is often
and often put out of sight, and that too by
]3eople who fancy they are mighty good. I
thank Heaven, that I know what's right better
than that comes to — and it is not a little that
wlU stop me, nor ever did, when I feel that I am
doing my duty to my family."
" You are a charming woman, my dear," re-
turned the major, with a very gallant air, " and
as I have often told you before, were certainly
258 THE BARNABYS
made on purpose for me. But hark ! — there
goes that gong of a dinner-bell — come along, my
dear ! I suppose I must sit by Mrs. Beauchamp
again to-day, as I have began to do it, though I
have no particular object in it now."
" Don't say so, my dear Donny," replied his
lady, looking at him rather reproachfully. " Re-
member that as a husband and a father, you
have your duties to perform, as well as myself.
You have still a great deal to do, my dear. As
yet you have only made her understand that I
am a woman of genius, and a writer greatly ap-
proved in my own country ; and you should go
on now to dwell upon our position in fashionable
society, and among people of rank."
" Why, my dear," replied the major, giving a
last brush to his whiskers, " they one and all of
them hate people of rank — they say so every
moment almost."
Mrs. AUen Barnaby drew on her black silk
mittens, smiled, and nodded her head.
" Major," said she, while her eyes assumed
an exceedingly clever expression, " major ! —
don't be affronted — but you don't see so far
into a stone waU as I do."
IN AMERICA. 239
" Don't I, my dear ? Why how far do you
see?"
" Just far enough to convince me that they
just dote upon titles and rank as much as ever I
did, when I used to toady that horrid old cat,
Lady Susan — and that's saying a good deal,"
" Yes, so it is, my dear," rephed her husband.
" Bjit if you say as much in your book, I don't
think it will answer."
" No more do I, my dear," she rejoined ;
" but come along, Donny, come to dinner ; don't
be afraid, you may trust me."
260 THE BARNABYS
CHAPTER XV.
Various sentiments progress between the dramatis per-
sonse— Powerful effect of drapery in a picture— Mrs.
Colonel Beauchamp enlightens the mind of her new
friend on the subject of negro slavery — Annie Beau-
champ's affection for Miss Louisa Perkins increases,
which appears to disgust Mr. Egerton exceedingly.
The dinner of this day passed very much as
the others had done. Mrs. Carmichael wheezed,
and eat, and hoped the gentlemen and ladies
found the canvass-backs and the hominy good,
and then wheezed again. Major Allen Barnaby
did his veiy best to confirm all Mrs. Beauchamp's
favourable impressions respecting the excellent
standing of himself and his family. His lady
sat, dispensing smiles around, the very picture of
admii'ing observation and travelling intelligence.
Miss Louisa Perkins unexpectedly found Annie
Beauchamp seated next to her, and therefore
IN AMERICA. 261
felt herself considerably nearer being comfort-
able, that at anjr moment since she first breathed
the air of the United States ; for she heard her-
self repeatedly spoken to, and that with the
most engaging kindness and good nature. Miss
Matilda beheved herself to be looking much
better than usual, having very successfully al-
tered her blond and amber cap, and got her hair
to cuii and hang beautifully. Patty pinched
her husband's elbow, and laughed loud with de-
light, when he turned suddenly round to see
what was the matter. Mr. Egerton talked a
good deal to Miss Beauchamp, and flattered
himself that he had made her exceedingly angr}^
And the rest of the good company went on very
much as usual.
But on the following morning several impor-
tant circumstances occuiTcd, tending greatly to
change the position of our travellers, and to
advance each and every of them in the direction
they wished to pursue.
Before leaving the room where the boarders
breakfasted, Mrs. AUen Barnaby made her way
to the side of Mrs. Beauchamp, and lowering
her voice to a confidential tone, said,
262 THE BARNABYS
" Whenever you like to come to my room,
my dear madam, I shall be ready to see you. I
have now got a few of the dresses unpacked,
about which I desired to consult you."
This was enough to secure the immediate at-
tendance of the lady whose good opinion she
wished to propitiate, and who had, indeed,
feelings stronger than mere cuiiosity to make
her accept the invitation. Never, perhaps, had
Mrs. Allen Barnaby displayed more acuteness
than when she guessed that Mrs. Beauchamp
was anxious to ascertain the stvle of her ward-
robe, before she ventured upon introducing her
and her family to any persons of Louisianian
importance.
This was precisely the fact. Not that Mrs.
Beauchamp entertained the slightest doubt of
Mrs. Allen Barnaby's being a person of great
talent ; of that she felt sufficiently assured, by
the manner in which she admired every thing
she saw ; but as it appeared that the party had
omitted to bring letters of introduction to New
Orleans (which the major accounted for by
saying that their original intention had been to \
sail to New York), she confessed to her husband
IN AMERICA. 263
that she knew no other safe and sui^e criterion,
excepting dress, whereby she could sufficiently
ascertain their standing, to justify her intro-
ducing them to her tip-top friends ; and to
confess the tmth, the note which was to secure
the strangers an invitation had yet to be written.
Mrs. AUen Barnaby found means to w^atch,
with^a good deal of tact, and without at aU be-
traying her deep interest in the matter, the sort
and degree of effect produced by the display of
her rich suits upon her American friend, nor had
she any reason to feel disappointed at the result
of the experiment.
Mrs. Beauchamp indeed said little, much less
than was usual with her on most occasions ; but
she looked, she touched, she meditated, and she
reasoned. The two ladies moved gently about,
from chair to chair, from the bed to the sofa,
and from the sofa to the bed, without any of the
bustling noisy discussion which such an exami-
nation generally produces between female friends.
Indeed, very little was said by either of them :
Mrs. Beauchamp understood good manners a
great deal too well to give utterance to the in-
creased and still increasing esteem, to wliich the
264 THE BARNABYS
velvet, satin, and lace displayed before her, gave
birth ; while Mrs. Allen Barnaby felt too much
alive to the importance of that esteem, to inter-
fere with the mental process, which she clearly
saw was going on, to augment it.
The first words, however, or nearly so, which
were spoken while this examination lasted, were
uttered by the owner of the articles, which
pleaded thus trumpet-mouthed, for her gentility.
Mrs. Allen Barnaby said at length, but in an
accent very nearly of indifference,
" You must not forget, you know, my dear
Mrs. Beauchamp, that you promised to teU me
whether the style of any of these dresses would
be fit for the society to which you have so kindly
oifered to present me."
" No, indeed, my dear ma'am," returned Mrs.
Beauchamp, "I am not going to do any such
thing, I assure you; and I am happy to say
that I don't see any one thing among aU
these handsome articles which you might not
put on with the veiy greatest propriety when
visiting any of the great families here. When
you have been a httle longer in the countiy, my
dear Mrs. Allen Barnaby, you will find out, I
IN AMERICA. 265
am sure, for you are a great deal too smart and
observing to miss seeing it, that this southern
part of the Union, enjoys a much higher class
of society than those who have been ill-advised
enough to make themselves free states. They
grovel, as we all say, in the very outskirts of
civilisation, and have just missed the only way
to make a republic in any degree elegant and
respectable ; and the cause is plain to those who
don't shut their eyes on purpose, because they
won't see. For it's easy enough to guess, that
no white free-born Americans, whether men,
women, or children, will choose to make house-
hold drudges of themselves and work for wages.
It follows in course then you see, that we must
either scrub, and rub, and toil, and sweat for
ourselves, like so many downright savages, or
else that we must make use of the creatures
that we have luckily got hold of — that are
neither white nor freeborn — and make them do
what it is quite positively necessary that ladies
and gentlemen must have done for them."
WhUe these words were spoken, Mrs. Allen
Barnaby stood with her hands clasped together,
and her eyes fixed on the speaker, with the air
VOL. I. N
266 THE BARNABYS
of one who is listening to the most important
information that one human being can bestow
upon another.
" Eveiy word you utter, my dear Madam,"
she said, " convinces me that Proiidence has
thrown me in yo*i.r way, in order to prevent my
putting forth to the world, with the authority
of my name (which truth at this moment
obliges me to confess is not inconsiderable) any
of those false views on the subject of negro
slavery, which, I blush to say, are too freely pro-
pagated in Europe. I see at once the fuU force
of youi" argument, and you wiU do me a great
favour if you wdU just sit down here for a
moment while I make a memorandum of your
observation. Never mind that crimson velvet
dress, my dear Mrs. Beauchamp — it was made
at Paris last year ; but you know the great mis-
fortune of velvets is, that they are eternal !"
" My !" exclaimed Mrs. Beauchamp, follow-
ing with her eyes the splendid robe with its gold
stomacher, as it was thi'own carelessly aside in
order to give her a chair. " I expect it looks as
if it was made yesterday. I do wish, Mrs.
Men Barnaby, that if we go all together to-
IN AMERICA. 267
night to Judge Johnson's, you would just wear
that gown — it is first-rate elegant, and I expect
there's nobody so stupid as not to see that —
and don't you mind its being hot weather, Mrs.
Allen Barnaby — we can learn you to fix the
things under, so that you will hardly feel the
difference."
*'Most assuredly I wiU wear that dress, if
you approve of it, my dear Mrs. Beauchamp,"
was the obliging reply, but spoken with the sort
of dignified indifference which a queen might
have shown upon a similar occasion.
Mrs. Allen Barnaby now took her new note-
book and pencil out of her table-drawer, and
sitting down before it, said in a tone which
formed a charming contrast to that in which she
had spoken of her di^ess —
" May I ask you, my dearest Madam, to
repeat to me a few words of what you were
saying just now ? This will amply suffice to
recal the general bearing of your admirable and
unanswerable argument."
" I expect that what I was saying was about
the ridiculous unpossibility of republican gen-
tlemen and ladies doing for themselves without
N 2
268 THE BARNABYS
the assistance of niggers. And what I think is
the best argument of all, Mrs. Allen Barnaby,
is just this — 1 want the aboHtionists to be
pleased to tell us which they calculate is the
greatest sin ; the letting black heathen nigger
\J creturs what grows wild in their own woods,
for all the world like so many painters and pole-
cats, I want to know, I say, whether it's
wickeder to let them do the work of the Union,
or to put it upon the gentlemen and ladies of
the repubhc to do it for themselves, and them
\J the very people that the immortal Washington
fought for? — ^The very people who got done
finished the glorious 4th of July work, and that
now stands in the face of all Europeyans as the
pattern people of the world. Which of the
two is it that ought to do the dirty work ? Is
it the heroes of the Stars and the Stripes, or is it
the nigger slaves what belongs to them ?"
Mrs. Beauchamp said aU this slowly and de-
liberately; and the more so, as she observed
that her friend was earnestly engaged the while,
in writing.
As soon as the sentence had reached its con-
clusion, Mrs. Allen Barnaby raised her eyes,
IN AMERICA. 269
fixed them solemnly on the face of her eloquent
and animated companion, and having gazed at
her for a moment, exclaimed —
" I never did ; no, never in my whole life,
hear anything put so clear and convincing as
that. Why, anybody that doesn't see the truth
of it, must be as stupid as the dirt under their
feet!"
" No, no, it is not so much stupidity, my
dear Mrs. Allen Barnaby," replied the patriotic
lady, " as downright good-for-nothing wicked-
ness — they do all see it — they must see it —
they MUST know that a white man, a white
American republican, is better than a nasty,
filthy, black nigger slave — ^but that's the shock-
ing part of the business, my dear lady. They
see it, and yet they won't say so, on account of
their poisonous party spirit. — And it's just that,
which threatens the safety of the finest part of
the Union, and the only part sufficiently ad-
vanced in the elegances of civilization to get
themselves looked up to by Europeyans."
This was said with so much vehemence, so
much bitterness, and such heightened colour,
that the acute Mrs. Allen Barnaby saw at once
~y
/
270 THE BARNABYS
how very near, and how very important a subject
they were discussing, and she quietly deteiinined
to act accordingly. She raised her hand to her
forehead, which she pressed forcibly, as if to
stUl its painful throbbings. She sighed, then
sat motionless awhile, then sighed again, and at
length, in a voice as deep and solemn as that of
Mrs. Siddons herself, she said,
" I feel that this important, this awfully im-
portant subject excites my mind too strongly.
It will requii'c many solitary houi's of deep
thoughtfiJness to represent it to the world in
the light in which it ought to be \aewed. I see
all — all NOW — as clearly as the sun at noon-day,
and it shall not be my fault if Europe does not
see it too."
" Then you see it as I do, my excellent, clear-
headed Mrs. Allen Bamaby ? You range your-
self on the side of the persecuted slave-holders ?"
exclaimed Mrs. Beauchamp.
"I do, indeed," rephed the authoress, in a
tone of the most dignified decision.
" Then if I don't prove myself worthy of
such a friend, may I never be waited upon by a
slave again," retiu-ned Mrs. Beauchamp, sud-
IN AMERICA. 271
denly rising. " And now, Mrs. Alien Barnaby,
I must leave you, for I have many things to do.
I hope we shall enjoy our party to-night — I am
told it is to be a very gay one,"
" You are aware, my dear madam," said our
traveller, remembering her husband's hint, " that
we English ladies never pay visits, unaccom-
panied by our husbands."
" And it does you honour, ma'am, great
honour. The ladies of the Union are first-rate
particular in that line themselves. In course,
my friends will expect the company of the
major, and not only that, I can tell you. The
whole party of a lady of your views will be wel-
come, go where you will, in this part of the
country, and that if you made up altogether
half-a-score, instead of half-a-dozen."
" You are exceedingly kind and polite," re-
plied Mrs. Allen Barnaby, feeling to her very
fingers' ends the strength of her present posi-
tion, and only hesitating in her acceptance of
this wholesale hospitality, fi-om thinking it pos-
sible that she might turn the glowing sentiment
of gratitude she had excited, more exclusively to
her own profit, — " exceedingly obliging, indeed.
272 THE BARNABYS
But I do not think there is any necessity to
trouble you with such a very large party. Our
good fi-iends, the Perkinses, are certainly the
best creatures in the world, and I am only
too happy to have them with me — in attend-
ance upon me, I might in fact say — but
there is no occasion whatever to ask for their
being invited on the present occasion. It may
be a check, perhaps, on future hospitality."
" You are very considerate and thoughtful,
my dear ma'am," replied Mrs. Beauchamp, " and
perhaps it may be as well — "
At this moment Madame Tornorino entered her
mother's apartment, and asking in her usual un-
embarrassed manner what they were talking about,
was immediately made acquainted with the
point they were discussing.
" How can you be so abominably ill-natured,
mamma ?" said the bride with some vehemence,
" when you know Matilda is my particular
friend? Pray ma'am, get her invited if you
can, for I shall have no fun if she doesn't
go. As to Louisa, indeed, she may just as
well stay at home, for she is too dull for any
thing."
IN AMERICA. 273
Mrs. Beauchamp declared Madame Tornorino
was the liveliest young lady she had ever seen,
but added that she could not stay another
minute to listen to her, as she had forgotten to
explain properly to her friend Mrs. Judge John-
son about who she was to have the happiness of
seeing, and she must write to her again directly.
And she did write to her concerning the large
party of additional guests whom she requested
her to invite, but not again inasmuch as she
had never before written a word upon the sub-
ject, having waited as before stated for some
satisfactory proof of the AJlen Barnaby race
being worthy of the promised honour. But on
this point assurance had indeed become doubly
sure.
" Nobody who knew any thing of the higher
classes in any country could doubt for a moment
(as she told Mrs. Judge Johnson) that such
dresses must belong to a real lady, but what,"
she added, "was that compared to the high-
minded feelings, and the extraordinary abilities
she had shown upon the subject so near to all
their hearts ?"
In short, she explained her motives so clearly,
N 3
274 THE BARNABYS
and expressed them so well, that as quickly as
the black messenger could go and return, Mrs.
Beauchamp was in possession of a note that
authorized her to bring with her the five friends
she had named.
" The jive friends ?" said Annie, when her
mother communicated the note to her.
" Yes ; all you know, except that poor melan-
choly-looking one, that does not seem as if she
rould take pleasure in any thing."
" The eldest of the two Miss Perkinses you
mean ?" said Annie.
" Yes, my dear."
" Well, then, mamma, I shall stay at home
with her," said the young lady, with aU the per-
tinacity of a spoiled child.
" You stay at home, Annie ? My daughter,
you must be out of your wits to say so. I
should like to know what father would say to
that?"
But the young lady persisted, and, as gene-
rally happens in such cases, the mamma gave
way ; Miss Louisa was taught to consider her-
self invited, and Mrs. Beauchamp made up her
mind to smuggle her in among the rest, or if
IN AMERICA, . 275
challenged as to their numbers, to declare that it
was a blunder of her foolish Annie's.
It so chanced that this little debate between
Mrs. Beauchamp and her daughter took place
in the great saloon, while some few of the
boarders were waiting there in expectation of the
dinner-bell, and among them was Mr. Frederic
Egerpon. This young man had been vacillating
a little respecting his immediate departure from
New Orleans. It had occurred to him that
he had not yet seen enough of the singular
forest around it, with its rich Palmeto shrubs,
and its heavy pendant moss ; and he had
pretty well made up his mind to stay another
week.
He was one of those who had been honoured
by a verbal invitation from the honourable Judge
Johnson himself, for the party of the evening ;
but he had prudently given an uncertain answer,
and in truth had decided upon avoiding so warm
a ceremony. But his curiosity was now piqued
to know why that little obstinate, thorough-bred
American girl, insisted so rudely and so vehe-
mently, upon being accompanied by that de-
plorable-looking Miss Perkins.
276 THE BARNABYS
" She has got some horribly vulgar American
joke in her head, I am quite sure of it," he mut
tered to himself. " And if I am broiled for it,
I will certainly go, in order to find out what it is.
How I do detest American jokes !"
IN AMERICA. 277
CHAPTER XVI.
4
A New Orleans' rout of first-rate splendour — Mrs. Allen
Bamaby in all her glory — Miss Beaucharap and Mr.
Egerton dance together — The gentleman conceives
some kindness for Miss Louisa Perkins — Miss Matilda
Perkins is translated to . the seventh heaven, together
with her friend Mrs. AUen Bamaby.
The drawing-rooms of Mrs. Judge Johnson,
like many others in New Orleans, were large,
lofty, and handsome ; and, on the present oc-
casion, very tolerably lighted, so that Mrs. Allen
Barnaby and her party felt, on entering them,
all the delight of reviving hope for the future.
The rooms were already very nearly full, Colonel
and Mrs. Beauchamp being always very late,
owing to the gentleman's evening nap, which
nothing was ever permitted to interfere with.
But this circumstance only added to the gratifi-
278 THE BARNABYS
cation of our party, proving to them at once, by
one heart-cheering coup-d'osil, that they were,
as Mrs. Allen Barnaby emphatically expressed it,
" Once more in the land of the living."
" Isn't it a comfort, Patty," said she, making
a sudden step forward, and clutching her daugh-
ter's arm, " isn't it a comfort to see so many
fuU-dressed people again? I swear that I
dreamt half a dozen times at the very least,
when I was aboard ship, that the devil, or some-
thing like him, came and told me I should
never put my foot in a baU-room again. And
you see that dreams do go by contraries. Isn't
it delightftil, Patty?"
" Lor, mamma, how you do pull me !" said
Patty in return, endeavouring to withdi'aw her-
self from the maternal grasp, in order not to
be separated from her husband, who was draw-
ing her foi'\\'ard. " Yes, yes, to be sure, it
is very delightful — only let me go."
At this moment Mrs. Judge Johnson, a very
thin lady of about five-and-thirty, came forward
from the crowd that surrounded her, and to
whom she was giving in the strictest confidence
a few hints as to who was coming, with all the
IN AMERICA. 279
interesting particulars now attached to the names
of Allen Barnaby.
The interest and curiosity thus excited, was
of the most animating kind, and produced so
evident a desire to behold the celebrated heroine
of the tale, that Mrs. AUen Barnaby had the
exquisite gratification of finding herself the
object upon which every eye was fixed. Per-
haps her heart had never beat so joyously since
the moment of her first introduction to Lord
Mucklebury ! With the acuteness which made
so remarkable a feature in her character, she
saw at a single glance what was going on, and
understood it, too, completely.
" Do you see, Donny ? — do you see ?" she
whispered in the ear of her husband, on whose
arm she was now stalking foi^ard with inde-
scribable dignity to receive the welcome of her
hostess. " Don't they all look as if they were
ready to worship me ? I have not told you
yet all that I have been hearing and saying about
the niggers."
Mrs. Judge Johnson having now succeeded
in getting within speaking distance of her il-
lustrious guest, made a curtsey, at once be-
280 THE BARNABYS
coming the dignity of a judge's lady, and the
cordial hospitality of a Louisianian patriot upon
receiving a lady about to write a book on
the principles avowed by Mrs. Allen Barnaby,
and which were akeady pretty generally known
throughout the room.
" I can't be thankful enough, I'm sure,
ma'am, to my obliging friend Mrs. Colonel
Beauchamp, for bringing me and the Judge
acquainted with a European lady of your stand-
ing and great ability. There has been a great
deal of iU blood brewed, and evil seed sown
between our two countries, by the vile abo-
minable lies and slanders that some of your
travelling authors have propagated against us;
and to such a lady as you are, I expect this
must be as hateful as it is to us. But if what
we hear of you is true, ma'am, which we can-
not doubt, seeing it comes from Mrs. Colonel
Beauchamp, of Big-Gang Bank, if aU the good
w^e hear of you is true, you shall find that we
are not people to take up prejudices against all,
for the faults and the crimes of some.
" You will find yourself as much honoured
here, Mrs Allen Barnaby, as if you were a
IN AMERICA. 281
free born citizen of our glorious soil. We have
no prejudices against the English, notwithstand-
ing aU the ill they have done us. All we ask
at their hands is a fair and honest account of
the glories of our unrivalled government, and
the splendour of our institutions, and this is
just what we never get from them — for it is a
common saying among us, that the bigness
of their lies is in proportion to the littleness
of their country. But by you, ma'am, we ex-
pect to be treated differently, and different, as
you will find, will be the return. And this
honourable gentleman is, I expect, the major,
your husband. He is heartily welcome, ma'am,
for your sake — and so are all the rest of the
ladies and gentlemen, and would be if there was
double the number. — Just in time, too, here
comes the honourable Judge Johnson, my hus-
band. Judge, this is the lady from England,
as we were talking of but now. You remem-
ber," and she whispered something in his ear.
" And this is a Major of England, her husband,
and these are her sons and daughters, I believe,
or her very particular friends; all come out
to travel with her, and to help her, may
282 THE BARNABYS
be, in giving a fair and just account of us at
last."
Mrs. Judge Johnson was one of those ladies
who, when they begin a speech, never seem to
know how to leave off again. It is probable
she would not have ended here, had not the
Judge began to speak himself; and whenever
this happened, she immediately ceased — an
example which it would be well if many ladies,
of many countries, followed.
The Judge, however, had certainly a particu-
larly good right to the privilege thus accorded
him, because it was very rarely that in his own
house he spoke at all. He was a senator, and
in this chamber of the legislatiu-e was celebrated
for his eloquence ; but elsewhere, he was, ge-
nerally speaking, a veiy silent man. He was
one of those who had with the utmost consis-
tency of pui*pose and unvarjdng steadiness of
principle, persevered in advocating the righteous-
ness of the slavery system against all the attacks
made upon it by those whose notions of freedom,
as a national characteristic, were founded on rather
a broader basis than his own. It was he who,
with the most constantly sustained and most
IN AMERICA. 283
acrimonious vehemence had, through session
after session, brow-beat, abused, and ridiculed
the bold men who had ventured to attack this
darling idol of the slave states ; and he was re-
verenced accordingly by those who worshipped
it.
This honourable gentleman almost rivalled
his la^y, though with fewer words, in expressing
the height, length, and breadth of the affection
and esteem which he ever held ready to bestow
on all persons willing to come forward in sup-
port of what he was wont to call "his prin-
ciples."
Men of all lands, when they talk of their
principles, generally look consciencious and
sublime, and so did the honourable Judge
Johnson. You might have thought to look
at him when he was haranguing on the im-
mutable nature of right ; of the heaven-born
holiness of justice ; of the sinful weakness of
permitting vacillating laws, and untried innova-
tions, to sap and undermine the venerable
institutions of the republic, that it was a martyr
who was preaching in support of a holy but
painful doctrine, which none but the steadfastly
284 THE BARNABYS
pure and holy-minded had courage to defend.
And accordingly he was universally characterized
by every citizen who possessed a slave through-
out the Union, " as one of the worthiest and
most hio-h-minded men that ever lived — as true
as steel, and as honest as the day."
And those who hung all their hopes of
continued prosperity upon the system he sup-
ported, might well speak thus of him — for
if he was right there, he was wrong in nothing
else, in nothing, at least in which this principle
was not so vitally mixed as to make part and
parcel of the thing itself. He was himself a
strict liver in all ways. But, if it chanced that
any instances came before him of the licentious
immorality which ine\dtably arises from the
monstrous " union in partition" which this
fearful system produces, his strict morality
seemed to melt away, like wax before the sun,
and tUl he was again heard to speak upon some
theme where this did not interfere, the honour-
able Mr. Judge Johnson might be mistaken
for the most licentious man alive.
Of all this, however. Major and Mrs. Alien
Barnaby knew very little, and of course cared
*l
IN AMERICA. 285
considerably less. They were both aU bows,
amenity, and smiles. The lady moved her
plumes, shook her perfumed locks, and declared
that New Orleans seemed to her a perfect
paradise.
" I had no idea of seeing such a room of
elegant company as this. It almost perfectly
equal* any thing in London, My own last
party, to be sui'e, was more numerous, and as
many of the ladies wore their court-dresses,
because we were aU at the drawing-room that
morning — it was more — "
But luckily before she finished her sentence,
a contracted brow or two among the group
she was addressing, reminded her of the out-
break of her friend, Mrs. Beauchamp, when
the court of Queen Victoria had been alluded
to on a former occasion. Therefore stopping
suddenly short, she looked round her with a
sort of renewed delight, and then exclaimed
with very captivating naivete,
" But oh ! Good gracious ! What use is
it to talk of London, or Paris, or any other
place in the world ! For where did any one
ever see in the same number, so many beautiful.
286 THE BARNABYS
elegant-dressed women, or so many noble,
dignified-looking men ?"
" I am very glad to find you are struck with
that, my dear Mrs. Allen Barnaby," said Mrs.
Beauchamp, in an audible whisper, and throwing
her handsome patriotic eyes over the group of
tall republicans who, standing in a cluster behind
the Judge, were gazing with very eager curiosity
at the lady who it was rumoured, was come
all the way fi-om the old country on purpose
to do them justice, and to write about them and
their nasty niggers in the proper style — " I am
very glad you are struck with that," she re-
peated with energy, " because in this part of
the Union, we do rather pride ourselves upon
the elegant style of our gentlemen. All the
young ladies in the United States, you know,
are counted pretty, some more, and some less,
of course ; but it is in vain to deny that it is only
in the slave states that the gentlemen look
first-rate. And the reason is so plain, if people
would but give themselves the trouble to un-
derstand it! For it's only in the slave states,
in course, that a citizen is a master as well
as a man; and what right, I should like to
IN AMERICA. 287
know, have those Europeyans, who clamour
against our negro slavery, to insist upon it,
that American gentlemen shall be the only
gentlemen in the world who can't say that much
for themselves?"
A very audible murmui' of applause ran round
the circle which had now surrounded the
strangers at this saUy ; and " devilish smart
woman that !" was heard from various quarters.
Mr. Egerton, who had been in the room
some time before the arrival of Mrs. Beau-
champ's party, had by this time made his way
lip to it ; an effort which he had probably been
disposed to make, because the individuals com-
posing it were the only ones in the room,
save the Honourable Judge Johnson himself,
whom he knew by name, or with whom he had
ever exchanged a syllable.
Mrs. Beauchamp, in her eagerness to per-
form properly all the duties of a chaperon
to Mrs. Allen Barnaby, had dropped the arm
of her daughter on entering the room, say-
ing,
" You know every body in the room, Annie,
so you won't want me; but let who will come
288 THE BARNABYS
to you, be sm-e to keep civil with the English
people,"
Finding herself thus alone, Miss Beauchamp
looked round her, before she took another step
in advance ; not so much, however, to see with
whom she should join herself, as how most
securely to avoid the proximity and conversation
of Madame Tornorino, for whom she had con-
ceived an aversion, even greater than the fact
of her being English could account for.
Having ascertained in what direction she and
her loving husband had turned, she next looked
about her for the other indi\dduals of the party
for whom her mother had requested her civility,
and perceiving that the favoured Matilda had
received permission to place the tips of her
fingers on the gallant arm of Patty's Don, she
looked about her, and for some time in vain,
for the melancholy Louisa, and at last found
her considerably in rear of the party — of course,
utterly alone, and with an air as utterly deso-
late.
Annie instantly stepped back and joined her,
offering her delicate arm, smiling exceedingly
like an angel of light, and beginning to talk to
IN AMERICA. 289
her about the room and the people, as if they
had been intimately acquainted for months.
The sadness of the melancholy Louisa gave
way before all this unlooked-for kindness, and
being really as good-natured a woman as ever
lived, she soon got talking and laughing with
her young companion in a much gayer style
than^was quite usual with her; for even before
she had been beguiled into leaving her country,
the constant anxiety in which she lived respect-
ing her sister's unpromising project of getting a
husband, had rendered the life of Miss Louisa
far from a happy one.
On perceiving the pleasant effect her atten-
tions produced on the person whose quiet sad-
ness had so moved her young heart to compas-
sion, Annie redoubled her efforts to be amusino--
and at the moment Mr. Egerton reached the
place where she and Miss Louisa were standing,
a httle apart from the crowd that surrounded
the great lion of the evening, Annie had made
her companion laugh heartily, and was looking
the very picture of gaiety and good-humour
herself
Mr. Egerton, before he spoke to them, gazed
VOL. I. o
290 THE BARNABYS
at her for a moment in astonishment, and it
might be, perhaps, a little in admii-ation. Miss
Beauchamp was not on this occasion dressed in
her robe of brown holland ; but as far as form
went, was hardly less simply clad ; and as the
material was white muslin, without any mixture
of colour or decoration of any kind, her appear-
ance was stiU as remarkable for its quiet neat-
ness as before. One ornament, however, she
had, which was the full-blown flower of a snow-
white Japonica, which she had fastened grace-
fully enough on one side of her head.
Ha^^ng indulged, unseen, in looking at her
for a minute or two, Mr. Egerton stepped for-
ward and made himself \'isible, bowing ci^^lly
to the elder lady, and expressing his hope that
he saw the younger well.
" Oh, dear ! what a pity that Matilda is not
here !" exclaimed the kind Louisa in her heart.
" This is the very gentleman she was so anxious
to be introduced to — and now he seems quite
inclined to get acquainted !"
Her sister, however, was too far off to be
summxoned by any becks or \^^nks that she could
set in action, and all she could do was to return
IN AMERICA. 291
his civility ii^ the most obliging manner, which
she did by curtsying to him three times succes-
sively.
Miss Beauchamp, meanwhile, from the unex-
pected suddenness of Mr. Egerton's address, or
from some other cause, perhaps her extreme
dislike of him, coloured violently, but soon re-
covered both from the laughter he had inter-
rupted, and the slight agitation he had produced.
And then her manner became again as cold, as
distant, and as disdainful as it had ever been
when conversing with him. It is not very easy
for a gentleman to keep up a conversation under
such circumstances, especially when so large a
portion of contempt and dislike mixes with his
own feelings ; but, with a sort of pertinacious
obstinacy, Mr. Egerton was determined that he
would talk to Miss Beauchamp. It might be
that he hoped to plague her, or it might be that
he hoped to amuse himself with her transatlantic
idiom ; but let the reason be what it might, he
was very steadfast in his purpose, and on seeing
the young people preparing to dance, actually
proposed himself to her as a partner.
Annie looked at him with considerable sur-
o 2
292 THE BARNABYS
prise, and certainly her fii'st impulse was to de-
cline the offered honour ; but she was very fond
of dancing, and if she refused him, she could not
dance with another, \\dthout a degree of inide-
ness which nothing but a fresh outbreak on his
part, in praise of his own country, could have
given her a courage for. She therefore, after a
little delay that w^as just long enough to be un-
com-teous, bowed her consent, and he presented
his arm. She looked at him, as American
vouno; ladies always do look on such occasions
(before they have visited Europe), and walked on
beside him in silence, but without accepting it.
And hereupon Mr, Egerton passed judgment
upon her with a spice of European injustice — for
totally ignorant of the law which forbids young
ladies to walk " lock and lock " with young gen-
tlemen, he conceived her rejection of this ordi-
nary piece of ci\Tlity to be only an additional
proof of her determination to be rude to him.
They had not, however, proceeded three steps
in advance, before Annie, inexpressibly provoked
at herself for her thoughtlessness, w^hich really
surprised as much as it vexed her, turned suddenly
back again to poor Louisa, and kindly taking her
IN AMERICA. 293
hand, which she drew under her arm, she
said,
" My dear Miss Perkins ! I don't know what
I was thinking of to leave you in this way. I expect
you must think me the very rudest person you
ever saw. Let me take you to your party before
I begin dancing. Shall we look for your sister,
or fer Mrs. AUen Barnabv ?"
" Thank you, my dear young lady ! You are
very — very kind to me — always," replied the
really grateful Louisa. " If you can find out Mrs.
Allen Barnaby for me, I shall be very glad, be-
cause, do you know, I should Kke to ask her if
she thinks it would be possible to get a partner
for my sister Matilda."
" Will it please you. Miss Perkins, if she gets
a partner ?" said Annie,
" Please me, my dear Miss Beauchamp '?
Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! I should be so delighted —
I really can't teU you how delighted I should
be."
"Then just stay here one moment, will you,
with your countryman, Mr. Egerton ? and I wiU
see if I can manage it without troubling Mrs.
AUen Barnaby." «
294 THE BARNABYS
And so saying, she glided away, leaving
the not too-well-matched compatriots side by
side.
" You seem to have become already extremely
intimate with that young American lady. Miss
Perkins," said the gentleman. "Do you find
her very agreeable ?"
" I find her, Sir, the very sweetest, kindest,
young creature I ever met with in my whole
life," replied the grateful Louisa, with a degree
of emotion that communicated itself to her
voice. " I really do think that if I saw much of
her I should grow to love her a great deal too
well — she being an American foreigner, which
would make it seem almost wrong and unnatural,
I am afraid."
" Why, really. Miss Perkins, if you feel thus
strongly already, I should be apt to think that
you might carry your partiality rather farther
than was reasonable, for you can have seen but a
very little of her."
" And that is quite true. Sir, certainly — ^but
very great sweetness, and very great kindness,
will go to one's heart, I believe, without taking a
great deal of time for it."
IN AMERICA. 295
The handsome, gallant, gay young Egerton
looked in the pale face of the still dismal-looking
old maid with a considerable approach towards
good fellowship.
" Perhaps, Miss Perkins, you patronise pretty
young ladies ?" said he, smiling. " And I won't
deny that Miss Beauchamp is very pretty, though
she 'is so thoroughly American."
" Pretty, Sir ? Is that all you can say ? I do
think she is the most perfect beauty that ever
was looked at."
" Yes, yes," he replied, laughing, " she is quite
sufficiently beautiful, and I see I was right in
supposing that this is the reason you have taken
such a fancy to her."
" Then without wishing to be rude, Sir,"
she replied very earnestly, " instead of being
right, I must tell you that you are quite wrong.
I don't believe at all that I have any particular
liking for beauty. There's my sister's particular
friend, Miss Patty — Madame Tornorino, Imean;
I have heard that she is considered quite a com-
plete beauty, and I do assiu-e you. Sir, that since
she has been fully grown up, I have sometimes
taxed myself with being very ill-humoured and
296 THE BARNABYS
unamiable about it — for the handsomer she
seemed to get, the more I seemed to dislike look-
ing at her."
Again Mr. Egerton laughed, but by no means
impertinently ; and though he did not think it
discreet to teU the lady how very well he under-
stood, and how very much he sympathised with
her, he did offer her his arm to conduct her to a
seat, saving, that he would watch for the return
of Miss Beauchamp. But before Miss Louisa
could express her sense of his obligingness, or do
any thing more than wish that it was her sister
Matilda instead of herself that he was so polite
to, Annie returned, bringing the glad tidings
that she had got one of the best partners in the
room for Miss Matilda.
"And now tell me," she added, "where I
shall leave you ?"
" Oh ! just there, if you please, my dear —
where this gentleman was going to get me a
seat before you came back."
" But shall you not like better to be with
your party ?" said Annie. " Mrs. Allen Bar-
naby has got all the gi-andeur of New Orleans
round her. Should not you like to get a
IN AMERICA. 297
place near her? I am sure I can manage
it."
" No, thank you, my dear," replied Miss
Louisa, rather hastily. " I woiJd a great deal
rather sit here by myself if you please."
Again Mr. Egerton felt a strong movement of
sympathy towards the old maid, and it seemed
as if he thought not of his beautiful partner till
he had conducted her to the seat she desired to
occupy. Then, however, he returned with no
very lingering step to the spot where he had left
Annie conversing with some of her acquaintance,
whom he heard entreating her, as he came up,
to get them an introduction to the celebrated
Mrs. Allen Barnaby.
By this time the gentlemen dancers were all
leading their partners to their places, and Mr.
Egerton perceived that the manner in which this
ceremony was performed, was by the gentle-
man's taking the hand of the lady, in the good
old Sir Charles Grandison style, and so parading
her to the place she was to occupy. They took
theu' station at the side of the quadrille, which
gave time for a little conversation before the
figure of the dance called upon them to begin.
o3
298 THE BARNABYS
" Your antipathy towards the degenerated in-
habitants of the old country, Miss Beauchamp,
seems to have relaxed in one instance at least.
You are exceedingly kind and attentive to that
poor unhappy-looking Miss Perkins."
" I don't think she is unhappy-looking at all,"
replied Annie, evasively. " Not, at least, when
she has any thing in the world to make her look
cheerful. I never saw any one more easily
pleased in my life."
"And you really appear to take pleasure in
producing this metamorphosis from gi'ave to
gay," returned Mr. Egerton. " And I could
understand this very well if she were not an
Englishwoman. But, as it is, I confess to you
that I am somewhat puzzled to understand why
you have so decidedly taken her into favour."
Annie looked at him for a moment as if
doubtful how to answer ; and then said, with a
little air, as if she had at length made up her
mind —
"I wiU tell you the reason, Mr. Egerton.
Miss Perkins is the only person I have ever
heard of (I will not say conversed with, though
it would sound better — but I have scarcely con-
IN AMERICA. 299
versed with any) — Miss Perkins is the only
English person I ever heard of, who did not
think him or herself vastly superior to every
body else in the world. She, poor thing, is
exactly the contrary, for she has every symptom
of believing herself inferior to every body, and
that is the reason why I think her the most
interesting individual of the English party at
Mrs. Carmichael's."
" The English party at Mrs. Carmichael's,"
muttered Mr. Egerton to himself. And then
he and his fair partner were called upon to per-
form their part in the dance.
Meanwhile the happiness of Miss Matilda was
almost greater than any thing she had ever
dared again to hope for at a ball. When en-
deavoming to obtain a partner for her, Miss
Beauchamp had not scrupled to hint that she
was, as it were, part and parcel of that cele-
brated Mrs. Allen Barnaby who was come from
England to New Orleans on purpose to write a
book in praise of the United States, and in de-
fence of the slave system. Not only was this
enough to procure the gentleman to W"hom it
was addressed as a partner in the first quadrille,
300 THE BARNABYS
but no less than three others solicited the
honour of her hand before the first set was over,
for the subsequent dances.
Those who know any thing of Miss Matilda
Perkins, can be at no loss to imagine her feel-
ino-s. Nor was Ler friend and patroness less
happy. Senators, Members of Congress, law-
yers, waiters, and statesmen, all crowded round
her, and seemed to vie with each other in
demonstrations of esteem and admiration. The
heart of my heroine whispered to her —
" This is what I was born for. This is my
real vocation."
Her well-pleased husband lingered near her
long enough to see how admirably weU she bore
her honours, and then giving her, unseen by all,
one very httle vdnk of satisfaction, turned away,
confessing to the honourable Judge Johnson,
who at that moment made the inquiry, " That
he had no objection whatever to a rubber."
The fair Patty was, in short, the only one of
the party who did not think this \'isit very
delightful ; but being absolutely obliged to give
up her husband to her papa, who had become
so attached to him as to resolve upon never
IN AMERICA. 301
playing a game of cards of any kind wiihout
having him near his person, she found very little
fun even in dancing, because of course now, as
she rather pettislily muttered to herself, "No-
body could dare to make love to her for fear the
Don should snap his nose off."
Before she left the room, however, she, too,
carae in for a share of the honours of the even-
ing ; for a certain Mrs. General Gregory, a lady
very richly dressed, and having every appearance
of being a person of great consequence, made
acquaintance with her by admiring her gown.
This led to other subjects ; and as Patty was not
disposed to dance much, Mrs. General Gregory
had so advanced the acquaintance before they
parted, as to promise to come and call upon her
and her mamma at the boarding-house. This
greatly revived the spirits of Patty ; for the lady
talked of her carriage, and her horses, and her
servants, and occasionally of the General, her
husband, so that our young bride again felt that
she too was somebody. But, after all, it was
Mrs. Allen Barnaby herself who was in truth
the well-head and spring of aU these honours.
She was herself fully aware of this, and enjoyed
Q
02 THE BARNABYS
tne glorious prospect opening before her with
all the native energy of her character.
The last words she uttered to her husband
before wishing him finally "good night," will
show the acuteness with which she read the
causes that had produced such agreeable effects.
" I say, Donny — do you think I shall find a
word or two to say in praise of slavery? Won't
I my dear? That's all."
IN AMERICA. 303
CHAPTER XVII.
4
Patty forms a sudden intimacy with a General's lady
of saint-like propensities — A passion common to both
unites them.
The party at Judge Johnson's furnished a
fund of conversation for the whole of Mrs. Car-
michael's large domestic circle on the morrow,
and had not the heart of Mrs. Beauchamp been
filled by higher considerations, (for she had
began to feel a very strong conviction that she
was likely to become the agent of a revolution in
puMc opinion concerning the slave states of
America, little less important than that achieved
by the immortal Washington), she might have
found considerable gratification to her national
vanity in the cordial admiration expressed con-
cerning every thing and every body there, by
the English party whom she had introduced.
304 THE BARNABYS
As it was, however, she was intent on higher
thoughts, and did little more than smile and bow
with contented urbanity, when Miss Matilda
Perkins distinctly declared at breakfast, that,
much as she had always enjoyed the first-rate
society of London — " Curzon-street and all, you
know, my dear Mrs. Allen Barnaby," she had
never seen a more perfectly elegant company
than those assembled at Judge Johnson's, " and as
for the gentlemen," she added, blushing slightly,
and fixing her eyes upon the smoking roll she
was engaged in buttering, " I must say that
there is a thorough fashionableness and gentility
about them that I don't think at all common to
be met with in the old world."
Not even the decisive and emphatic " very
gentlemanlike men indeed," of Major Allen Bar-
naby, could do more than produce a repetition
of the smile and the bow from Mrs. Beauchamp ;
although the Colonel, her husband, was moved
thereby to open his eyes more fully than he had
yet done that morning, and to reply, " I am glad
to find, sir, that you are so thoroughly brought
to that conviction at once, because it will prevent
any acting of prejudice upon yo^u- mind as you
IN AMERICA. 305
go on progressing in your acquaintance with the
country. I expect, sir, it was the luckiest thing
you ever did, coming to this part of the Union
in the first instance, for in no other direction,
almost, could you have hoped to have fallen so
completely with the right sort. You may de-
pend upon it, Major AUen Barnaby, that the
great proprietors in the slave-holding states of
the Union, are the most perfect set of gentlemen
upon God's earth."
But Mrs. Carmichael's breakfast-table was
large enough to admit of more conversations
than one being carried on at the same time, and
this slow, solemn, and deliberate speech of the
colonel's did not at aU interfere with what was
passing at a little distance from him. For some
reason or other, perhaps from remembering the
success of Miss Beauchamp's efforts the evening
before, to make the melancholy Miss Perkins
look gay, Mr. Egerton, who had chanced to
overtake the good spinster as she was descend-
ing the stairs, not only addressed her cheerfully
as rather an intimate acquaintance, but actually
offered his arm to conduct her across the haU,
and in this way they entered the breakfast-room
306 THE BARNABYS
together. The Beauchamp family had ah-eady
taken their places, and Miss Louisa, strengthened
in spirit by the civility of her young countryman,
actually took courage, as she slipped her arm
away from his, to approach, avec intention,
towards a vacant chair next below that which
her friend Annie occupied, and was rewarded for
the courageous exploit by an extended hand, and
a smile of very kind welcome. As a matter of
course, Mr. Egerton followed the steps of the
lady he had escorted, and there being fortunately
a second chair to be had, below that of Miss
Louisa, he had the satisfaction of being able to
place himself in close juxta-position to her, and
it soon became evident not only to her observant
sister, but to every body else who happened to
be looking that way, that the acquaintance be-
tween them was ripening into very considerable
intimacy, for he talked to her a great deal ; and
because she talked to her neighboui' on the
other side, he began to talk to her too, notwith-
standing his aversion to every thing so com-
pletely American. But he felt, or was beginning
to feel, that there would be something quite
x^ ridiculous in his fighting the battles of his
IN AMERICA. 307
country by being rude to a young girl, however
" thoroughly American" she might be, and being
once awakened to the absurdity of such a line of
conduct, he took great care to avoid it.
Miss Matilda, meanwhile, having gazed for
some moments on the very new and puzzling
spectacle of her sister in the act of being gaily
talked to, and gaily listening, at length hit upon
a solution, which easily and rationally accounted
for the unusual degree of attention she appeared
to be receiving. Miss Matilda remembered how
uncommonly well she herself had looked in her
pale pink silk the evening before, and what un-
mistakable proof of this she had received in the
marked attentions of no less than six American
gentlemen who had asked her to dance.
" I understand it all perfectly," thought she.
" This Mr. Egerton is just like all other English-
men — so vastly fond of whatever they think is
coming into fashion. I know well enough what
will come next ; Louisa will have to introduce
me. But I can't say I care much about it just
now. That Mr. Franklin Brown is worth a
dozen of him any day ; and as for that odious
American girl 1 she just sees that it won't do to
308 THE BARNABYS
give herself airs to any of us. We are all get-
ting too much into fashion for that to answer.
Yes ; I understand it all."
Mrs. Beauchamp had, with an air of decision
that no boarding-school etiquettes could oppose,
seated herself next Mrs. Allen Barnaby, and the
acquaintance between these two distinguished
women was advancing so rapidly towards the
familiarity of friendship, that they conversed
wholly and solely with each other, and that
only in whispers, and when the table broke
up, they left the room together, arm in
arm.
Patty and her Don, seated as usual side by
side, conversed also in whispers ; but the happy
bride condescended, from time to time, to inter-
rupt this under colloquy by talking a little to
the ladies named Hucks, and Grimes, concern-
ing the last night's party, to which they had
not been invited, and which, therefore, offered a
theme particularly fertile, and to Patty, at least,
particularly gratifying.
" But I wish you could tell me, Mrs. Grimes,"
said she, " something about that nice person,
Mrs. General Gregory, as they call her. She
IN AMERICA. 309
was most uncommon civil to me, and is coming
to call upon me this very day ; and I should like
monstrously to know something about her first,
that I may'nt make any horrid blunders you
know, in talking to her."
" Oh, my !' returned Mrs. Grimes, " a fine
young lady like you needn't in no way be afraid
of talking to Mrs. General Gregory, for she
would be quite up to understanding everything
you could say to her, if you was ten times over
English, she is first-rate standing in aU ways."
" Is she rich ?" asked Patty.
" Oh, goodness ! yes to be sure she is," was
the reply. " They have not a chick nor child
belonging to them, and they say his plantation
is next largest to Judge Johnson's in Carolina.
But then you know, in course, that she is one of
the ladies of the new light, only she makes a
difference from what the eastern new-lighters
say, on some points, on account you know of the
nigger population of Carolina."
This was by no means particularly intelli-
gible to Madame Tornorino, and she immediately
demanded, with her accustomed distinctness,
when asking a question —
310 THE BARNABYS
" Do you mean that she is a Methodist ?"
— " She is one of the evangelical saints, ma'am,"
said Mrs. Hucks, in a tone that showed she
held the persons she alluded to in great
respect.
" Well, I don't care a farthing for that,"
replied Patty, " so as she don't wear a sanctified,
frightful little bonnet, and a prim mouse-
coloured gown ; and I am sure I saw no symp-
tom of that last night, for she was beautifully
dressed, and almost as fine as mamma."
" I don't know whether it is the same in the
old country," resumed Mrs. Grimes, " but with
us there is a great difi^erence in the manner in
which serious ladies fix themselves. Some dress
just as you say about the bonnet and gown, and
an't that far different from quakers, while
there's others, like Mrs. General Gregory, who
declare that they despise giving any attention at
aU to such contemptible distinctions, and say
that there's no warrant for thinking that either
bonnets or gowns make anydifi'erence in holiness."
" Oh ! well, that's all right," returned Patty,
" for we should never get on if she didn't ap-
prove fashionable dress, I can tell her."
IN AMERICA. 311
•
" Well now, begging your pardon, ma'am,"
said Mrs. Grimes, " that's more of an American
lady's feeling than I ever expected to hear from
an English woman ; for in course you know
that the English have no gi-eat fame in the
Union in the article of dress. All through the
world, I take it, the Americans and the French
staijd highest in that article."
" I don't know anything about that," replied
Patty, " I only know that I wish I had only
just one hundredth part of the fine clothes I've
seen in London : but I shall talk to Mrs.
General Gregory, about it, for I intend to be
great friends with her."
A favourable opportunity for putting this
resolution in action was afforded exactly at that
hour of the day when it is considered to be
most genteel to make morning \'isits at New
Orleans. Mrs. Major AUen Barnaby and
Madame Tornorino, were both asked for by the
well appointed black footman who attended the
carriage of Mrs. General Gregory, and Cleopatra,
who answered the inquiry, having first shown
the exquisitely di'essed and highly respected
visitor into the saloon, ran up the stairs to give
3 ] 2 THE BARNABYS
notice to those two favoured ladies of the honour
that awaited them. Mrs. Allen Barnaby was at
that moment in the act of writing a very im-
portant sentence in her note-book, under the
dictation of Mrs. Beauchamp, but hastily threw
down her pencil the moment she heard the
summons, and prepared to obey it.
" Oh no ! for Heaven's sake do not go now,"
cried Mrs. Beauchamp fervently. " The passage
you are writing at this moment, my dearest Mrs.
AUen Barnaby, may produce more effect from an
English pen than any thing that has been
written for years. For pity's sake don't go!"
Mrs. Allen Barnaby felt her own consequence
at this moment with a thrill of dehght that
amply atoned to her for the loss of aU the doubt-
ful glories of Curzon-street ; but being vastly too
acute not to perceive the source of this dear
new-born consequence, she at once decided upon
hazarding the loss, or at any rate the delay, df
the well-sounding new acquaintance in the draw-
ing-room, and assuming a look and tone of
enthusiasm, which might reaUy have made her
fortune on any stage, she rephed, " Dream not of
it, my invaluable friend ! I am not blind to the
IN AMERICA. 313
value of every acquaintance in such a country as
this ; but there is that within my heart at this
mement, which renders all ordinary intercourse
insipid ! I felt before I left my own dear, but
most ill-informed country, that I was predes-
tined, if I may so express myself, to the task of
doing justice to this magnificent continent. It
was^ an enormous sacrifice that I demanded of
my high-born husband, and his only, his lovely,
his newly-wedded child ; but the especial gift -
that I have received from Heaven, my dearest
Mrs. Beauchamp, is that I rarely speak in vain.
I explained my views, my motives, my hopes !
and you see the result. You see me arrived
here from my splendid English home, sur-
rounded, not by my own dear family only, but
by valued friends, whom their many excellent
qualities, as well as their large fortunes and dis-
tinguished birth, rendered important to us. This
I have done for the United States of glorious
America, and I leave you to judge, dearest lady,
whether I am likely to turn from such an occu-
pation as that in which we are now engaged, for
the sake of any visiter in the world !"
It must not be supposed that Cleopatra
VOL. I. P
314 THE BARNABYS
waited to listen to this long harangue ; on the
contraiy she did but deliver her message, and ran
oif again to repeat it to the " young madam,"- as
she called Patty, who had already received her
assistance in making herself rather finer than
usual, in preparation for the great lady who was
now arrived. Being thus ready, and alone (for
her Don was as usual with his respected father-
in-law), and in fact waiting for the summons,
Madame Tornorino lost not a moment in obeying
it, and was most exceedingly well pleased to find
that her mamma did not appear ; for she had
often, of late, felt herself more thrown into the
back ground than any married woman ought to
be, by the overpowering claims of her female
parent upon the eyes and ears of those around
her, and she rejoiced to think that she should
now have an opportunity of doing herself jus-
tice. Patty found her visiter seated in the
middle of one of Mrs. Carmichael's large sofas,
as if fearful that want of space might injure the
flowing pea-green satin in which she was dressed;
and when Madame Tornorino's ungiove'd and
rather large hand was held out to welcome her,
Mrs. General Gregory received it with the tips of
IN AMERICA. 315
her pale kid fingers, with a great deal of refine-
ment and good taste. But Mrs. General Gregory
had once passed eight weeks in France, and
since that period the whole powers of her mind
had been divided between two objects ; the first
of which was to be told by a few dearly beloved
spiritual friends and advisers that she was fit to
be ^ saint in heaven ; and the next, to under-
stand from all the world that she was sure to be
taken for a French woman on earth. Having
reseated herself after the salutation of Madame
Tornorino, smoothed the folds of her robe, and
arranged the lace of her cloak, Mrs. General
Gregory opened the conversation by inquiring if
Madame Tornorino had as yet attached herself to
any particular congregation in the Union.
Few young women of Patty's age were better
qualified to give an off-hand answer to a question
not perfectly understood than herself; a faculty
partly perhaps inherited from her mother, who
had passed great part of her life in acquiring the
art of appearing to know many things of which
she was profoundly ignorant ; but chiefly it was
derived from an innate fund of original impu-
dence, which gave her courage to dash at every
p 2
316 THE BARNABYS
thing, confident alike in her own cleverness,
which she felt made a good hit probable, and in
her own audacity, which she also felt would ren-
der defeat indifferent. But in spite both of this
moral and intellectual courage, the question of
her new acquaintance startled her. In most of
her previous adventures of this hit-and-miss kind
with strangers, she had either caught a glimpse
of their meaning, or fancied she had done so ;
but now she had not the very slightest idea of
what was meant, and w^as in the greatest danger
of being forced to say so, when her good genius
came to her aid, and shaking back her heavy
black ringlets, in the most unembarrassed man-
ner possible, she said, " Why reaUy, ma'am, we
have had no time yet for any tiling."
" I am delighted to hear it, my dear madam,"
replied the elegant \asiter, " for in such a business
as that to which I aUude, nothing is so much to
be avoided as rashness, and over haste. To say
the honest truth, indeed, I was a Httle in the
hope that I might find it so, and nothing can
more exactly convene to my wishes than that by
thus early cultivating your acquaintance T may
be the means of leading you in the right way."
IN AMERICA. 317
What was poor Patty to say now ? Clever
'■reature ! She only shook her ringlets again,
tind said, " I am sure you are very kind."
" I mean to be so, my dear young fi'iend,"
replied the excellent Mrs. General Gregory,
looking with great kindness upon the French
embroidery of Patty's collar and cuffs, which
was as quickly discerned to be such by her stu-
dious and learned eye, as the text of an Elzevir
by the sharp ken of a scholar — " I mean to be
so. I am aware what the object of your ad-
mirable mother is in coming to this country^
and I conceive it to be my bounden duty, know-
ing, as by grace and mercy I do, that I have
made my own calling and election sure — I ex-
pect, my dear young lady, that it is neither
more nor less I say than my commanded duty
to do what I can towards helping others. And
where,^oh ! my — where shall I find any body
so every manner worthy of being helped on
towards the same election as a family to whom
the whole Union is likely to be so deeply in-
debted as they are to be to yours ?"
Patty began to see light. She had already
heard an immense deal of talk (considering how
318 THE BARNABYS
short a time she had been in the country) upon
ELECTIONS of all imaginable sorts and kinds.
In a free country like America, every thing is
done by election, from the choosing a president,
to the appointing a pew-opener, and having
listened with her usual shai'pness to aU this,
she now became convinced that Mrs. General
Gregory was going to propose her papa, or per-
haps her own dear Don, for the stewardship of
a ball, or a horse-race. Exceedingly delighted
by this idea, Patty eagerly exclaimed, '
" Dear me ! how very kind and obliging — I
don't think there is any thing that we should
all of us, from first to last, like so well."
" All ? alas ! my dear young lady, all is too
extensive a word," replied Mrs. General Gregory.
" When you have reached my age," she added
mth a gentle smile, and stiU gentler sigh, " you
will leave off including the gents so freely in
such work as we are talking about. If you
knew as well as I do, the often hardness of
heart, and the frequent blindness of eyes in the
unfeminine part of the best society, you would
quite altogether, I expect, leave off saying a
word about all.'''
!
IN AMERICA. 319
The mystification of poor Patty now returned
upon her with threefold darkness, and feeling
that she was sinking deeper and deeper, and
might very likely get into a scrape at last, her
indigenous wit sprung up in another direction,
and caused her to exclaim with an air of good-
humoured naivete,
" I declare, my dear ma'am, I don't believe
thai; I understand what you mean ?"
Mrs. General Gregory replied, first by look-
ing earnestly and pitifully in her face for a few
moments, and then by sapng,
" Is it possible, my dear young lady, that by
the ever-merciful but inscrutable interference of
Providence, it faUs to my happy lot to be the
first that ever availed your dear precious young
spirit of the necessity of calling together into
families, the chosen of the Lord's people here on
earth ?"
" Why, really yes, ma'am," replied Patty,
slightly yawning, " I can't say that in England
I ever heard any thing said about dividing ladies
and gentlemen into families."
" Are they indeed so benighted, my dear
young friend?" demanded Mrs. General Gre-
320 THE BARNABYS
gory, clasping her hands fervently together, and
hea\ing a deep >£;',-h ; " then, indeed, it will be a
pri\'ilege and vt . ?cious glory to have the
task of awakening i^- soul of a young lady
whose appearance is so every way interesting
and appro vable."
And here again, the general's lady, perhaps
involuntarily, looked at the pretty new dress
which Madame Tornorino had obtained at Howel
-and James's, upon her papa's Curzon-street
credit, a day or two before she left London.
" It will, indeed, be veiy precious to me, Ma-
dame Tornorino, my dear, to save so sweet a
young brand from the bui'ning !"
Now, here was sjinpathy if ever it existed
upon earth. Mrs. General Gregory looked at
Patty's silk and embroidery, and preached to
her about election, because she approved them ;
while Patty gazed upon Mrs. General Gregory's
satin and lace, and patiently listened, because she
too approved.
From this point the conversation proceeded
very amicably, the American lady judiciously
mixing enough of worldly talk, to make her
friendly overtures palatable to the as yet unre-
IN AMERICA. 321
generated neophyte, and the English one endur-
ing the " monstrous bore" f^^ her new friend's
talk, for the sake of ha^\ ^ . fine acquaintance
that seemed to think her of almost as much con-
sequence as her mamma.
END OF VOL. I.
LONDON:
l^tNlWD BV SCHVLZK AKD CO. 13, POLAND STREET.
>■
J*,
\
ir«?Ci g^T^^I gV7->
University of California
SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY
405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388
Return this material to the library
from which it was borrowed.
AC MAY 1 200('
REC'DYRL AUG0 7'0C
qula y
|LL>- SFf?.
AU3 2 3 2002
^P^^) ?005
^^
.jO>^ ^<!/0JllV3 JO^ <rjl30NVS01^ "^AdaAINfl ]WV^
.j^OFCAIIFOfiV
,^WEUNIVER%
^lOSANCElfx^
o
w)^ ^ommn^ ■^smwm'^ '^^mmmi)^
r^
m
A']]]']
ifdO:::
CO
>-
ZX3
-<
^/^a]AIN(l-3WV
:^
5 Y iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii^^
1 Jl 3 1158 00447 9035
^
>&Aavaaii#' ^^i^AavaaiHS^
^ILIBRARYQ^
^<!/0JnVDJO'^
^^AH^aiiA^
.^lOSANGElfx,
^/Sd3AlN
^>;lOSANGafj-.,
'^Aa3AINn-:UV''
, ^WE UNIVERS//, .vVlOS ANCElfj>^
\
\m
ll
>-
en
^l-LIBRA'"
aOdlTVJJ
uc
SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACllTY
.vaan-^'^
[r/
AA 000 367 345 6
=i^
■\EUN'IVER5
^=?v
>-
-<
OS
OQ
<ril30NVSO]
^^ILIBRARYQ^
33
A\Ai
o
'^%
1
%a3A!NiTBV'
CO
^
^^UIBRAi:;'
%ojnvDJO
>-
<
IP
1
vvlOSANCElfj>
''^•i'iiaDNVSoi^'-^ %a3AiNn3WV
-A^OFCAIIFOff,
^f?AavaaiH^