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 PLETTHKR,
 
 THE LIFE 
 
 OF 
 
 MRS. MARY FLETCHER, 
 
 CONSORT AND .RELICT 
 OP THE 
 
 REV. JOHN FLETCHER, 
 
 VICAR OF MADELEY, SALOP. 
 
 COJi"ILED FROM HER JOURNAL, AND OTHER AUTHENTIC 
 DOCUMENTS. 
 
 BY HENRY MOORE. 
 
 The end of the commandment is charity, out of a pure heart, and of a good eon- 
 science, and of faith unfeigned, 1 Tim. i, 5. 
 
 By faith, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than io 
 enjoy the pleasures of 3in for a season, Heb xi. 25. 
 
 These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he eoeth, Rey. iir, 4 
 
 NEW-YORK, 
 
 PDELISHED BY J. EMORY AND B. WATJGH. FOR THE METHODIST 
 
 EPISCOPAL CHURCH, AT THE CONFERENCE OFFICE. 
 
 14 CROSBY-STREET. 
 
 J. Collurd, printer. 
 
 1832.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 A SHORT time after I was appointed to the Birmingham dis- 
 trict, the papers of the late Mrs. Fletcher were put into my 
 hands. I was informed at the same time, that the venerable 
 person whose life was recorded in them, had mentioned me as 
 one that she wished should prepare and publish her papers ; 
 and that an application to that effect would have been made to 
 me before that time, but that the distance of my former appoint- 
 ment had prevented it, Mrs. Fletcher having laid an injunction 
 on her friend, to whom, by will, she had committed them, not 
 to give them absolutely into the hands of any person whatso- 
 ever. 
 
 I examined those papers with no common interest. They 
 gave an account not only of the writer's own life, but involved, 
 in some respects, that of her admirable husband. I was cer- 
 tain that those records were desired, and would be received, 
 by the most pious in these kingdoms, not as a common reli- 
 gious biography, but as the record of an uncommon work of 
 God ; and that they would not be expected to fall short of any 
 account which has come forth in that gyeat revival of Scriptural 
 Christianity in our day, concerning which we have so often 
 been constrained to say, What hath God wrought ? 
 
 I have often wishe^ to see such a display of that work as 
 would show its genuine nature and fruits, free from the colour- 
 ing of those writers who were not directly concerned in it ; or 
 of those who might be so anxious about its public reputation, 
 as to forget, that the circumcision of the heart is justified 
 only by those children of the light and of the day who prove 
 its power, and cry, Abba, Father, by the Spirit of adoption; 
 and whose praise is not of men, but of God. It is much to 
 be desired also to sec sucli an account made living and power- 
 ful by being personified ; to see an individual thus walking- 
 worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every 
 good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God, 
 
 A general history of this work, including all the important 
 circumstances, has been already published, especially in the 
 journals of the Rev. Mr. John Wesley, the father of Methodism, 
 so called. In these we see, as in the Gospel, the grain of 
 mustard seed, increasing and becoming a great tree, to tho 
 astonishment of those who witnessed its small beginning, ifho 
 " saw the cloud arise little as a human hand." The display 
 given us in that account, is distinguished by the same aimpH-
 
 4 PREFACE. 
 
 city, purity, and classical beauty, which arc observable in afi 
 the writings of that eminent instrument of God. This large 
 survey is highly satisfactory ; but the aid of living testimony 
 is necessary to bring it home to the hearts of those whose 
 inquiry is, What shall I do to be saved ? How shall / walk 
 with God 1 
 
 Religion is nothing less than the life of God in the soul of 
 man. It is the offspring of God through faith, and is not, and 
 cannot be attached to churches or religious communities, 
 though they are so highly necessary to its propagation an5 
 increase. It never was so attached ; though while the cove- 
 nant of God was established with the nation of the Jews, it 
 had that appearance. But even then, all were not Israel, who 
 were of Israel. The children of the promise, and not the 
 children of the flesh, were counted for the seed. The Gospel, 
 however, to the stumbling of the greatest part of that people, 
 put an end to that appearance. The national covenant answer- 
 ed the design of Him who gave it. It foretold, typified^ and 
 prepared the way of the only begotten Son of God. But who 
 could abide the day of his coming ? Who could stand when 
 he appeared ? It is true he was meek and lowly in heart, and 
 his very word and action, toward even the greatest transgress- 
 ors, demonstrated that he came not to destroy men's lives, but 
 to save them. But he exposed and resisted all those who 
 walked in the deceivableness of unrighteousness, and who 
 boasted, like their fathers, saying, The temple of the Lord, 
 the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, are we ! He 
 looked for personal religion ; and all who attached it to names, 
 ordinances, or communities, he answered with, Ye worship ye 
 know not what. He enforced poverty of spirit, mourning, 
 meekness, mercifulness, and purity of heart ; showing thus 
 the beginning and progress of religion, as given to guilty, sin- 
 ful, helpless creatures, in whom dwells no good thing ; and 
 who are thus to be made rich in faith, and heirs of the king- 
 dom of heaven : and who thus alone can be made new crea- 
 tures, and meet for the inheritance among the saints in 
 light ; whose robes are washed and made white in the blood 
 oj the Lamb. 
 
 These pure and high principles of Holy Writ, so agreeable 
 to the exalted character of Jehovah, and to the fallen and 
 wretched condition of man, were sought out and adopted by 
 the band of brothers in the university of Oxford, nearly ninety 
 years ago. One great truth involved the whole as necessary 
 to salvation, Without holiness no man shall see the Lord. 
 They immediately followed after this, making every sacrifice, 
 and ordering their whole life that they might attain it. Some 
 time after, the Lord showed them that his way of conferring 
 holiness was by faith ; and that he justifies men, as beinp
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 ungodly, through the redemption that is in Jesus, before he 
 sanctifies them. Thy now knew the whole truth, and the 
 Lord thrust them forth from their beloved retirement, to raise 
 a holy people. This was the one design of these chosen instru- 
 ments, and every thing short of it they counted, to use the 
 language of St. Paul, wood, hay, or stubble. 
 
 But did they spend their strength for nought ? Were they 
 disappointed of their hope '? Were not a holy people raised up 7 
 Let the life of Mrs. Fletcher speak. Let the pious reader say, 
 if he be not introduced, in these memoirs, among the excellent 
 of the earth; all of whom with one voice would testify, 
 
 " Blind we were, but now we see ; 
 Deaf, we hearken, Lord ! to thee ; 
 Dumb, for thee our tongues employ, 
 Latne, and lo ! we leap for joy." 
 
 " Some who have separated from other communities," says 
 Mr. Wesley, " laid the foundation of that work, in judging and 
 condemning others : we, on the contrary, in judging and con- 
 demning ourselves." 
 
 I cannot therefore but greatly rejoice that these memoirs are 
 given to the public, and especially to that community of which 
 the writer was so long a highly honoured and useful member. 
 I cannot but tlu'nk they will be a great blessing to the people 
 of God of every denomination ; and especially to all who desire 
 to walk even as Christ also walked, and who are conscious 
 of an evil nature, opposing that will of God which is their 
 sanetification. In this point of view especially, these memoirs 
 will be considered, I think, as very precious to all V;\\Q fight 
 this good fight of faith. The reader will find in them no paint ; 
 nothing to set the writer off; no extravagance ; but plain life, 
 raised and sanctified by constant attention to the duties and 
 sacrifices of the Gospel ; and issuing in a constant pleading of 
 the great and precious promises, by which we are made par- 
 takers of the Divine ncture : with unremitting efforts to walk 
 by that rule, Whether ye eat or drink, or whatever ye do, do 
 all to the glory of God. 
 
 Luther observed, that there never was a work of God in the 
 earth that lasted longer, in any community, than the common 
 life of man ; that is, upon an average, about thirty years. 
 Generally about that period the vineyard which the Lord 
 planted with his own right hand, has been let out to husband- 
 men, who, yielding to their natural propensities, and accom- 
 modating the work of the Lord to the course of this world, 
 have not been careful to render to him the required fruit. 
 Hence the visible state of decay, or of death, in those couirnu- 
 nities which once manifested the Divine hand of him vufco 
 formed them. But this work has lasted nearly thrice raft 
 time ! There are none alive who witnessed its beginning, and 
 
 I*
 
 
 6 PREPACK. 
 
 but very few who knew its early days. If any such meet wrtli 
 this work, they will call to mind the ve*ry glorious time when 
 it was altogether the work of God ; when it was unsupported 
 by any worldly power or wisdom, and had all that is earthly, 
 sensual, and devilish, combined against it. They will see also 
 a consistency in the design, and in the mode of execution, 
 which is truly edifying, and not of this world. The instru- 
 ments employed in this work, and especially that one so emi- 
 nently called thereto, were not careful fo'ir such prosperity as 
 worldly men desire. They knew, like their blessed Master, 
 that all whom their Father gave them would come unto them, 
 and they did not desire to bring the world into his fold. The 
 world is called, and redeemed: but to add to the family of Qod 
 all who obeyed that call, was their only ambition, and the ob- 
 ject of their incessant labours. 
 
 The great superintendent of this work, under God, looked 
 not for what the world calls great talents in his helpers. In 
 this respect also he gladly used those whom the Father gave 
 him ; who were witnesses of the truths which they were called 
 to teach : men who knew God (in the only way in which he 
 can be truly and powerfully known) as being merciful to their 
 unrighteousness, and remembering their sins no more. He 
 was careful also to see that the true fruit accompanied their 
 ministry, The justification of the ungodly, and the xancti- 
 fication of the unholy. He used to say, " The best physician 
 is not he who writes the best recipes, but he who makes the 
 most cures." When men of learning united with him ift this 
 Divine work, he greatly rejoiced, and gladly received them. 
 The late Mr. Fletcher was an eminent instance of that kind. 
 His learning was deep, extensive, clear, and various ; but like 
 his venerable friend, whom he always called father, he counted 
 even all these estimable advantages as dung and dross for the 
 excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus his Lord. So 
 abased was this great man in his own eyes, and so entirely did 
 he take the Divine mould of the Gospel, that there was not 
 one of those helpers in the work whom he did not rejoice to 
 call his brother in Christ, and whom he did not in honour pre- 
 fer to himself, even in his own parish. 
 
 The private members also were men and women of God ; 
 and among these Miss Bosanquet always held, in general esti- 
 mation, the chief place. Her superiority in natural and provi- 
 dential gifts, her well known entire devotedness, her con- 
 stancy and perseverance in the Divine life, her doing and 
 suffering the whole will of her Master, all fitted her, as by a 
 general consent, to be the consort of that great man, whose 
 iflbtse is in all the churches; whose admirable writings will 
 lit while piety and learning are honoured in the earth ; and 
 which have forced even those who did not kaow his piety> ot
 
 PREFACE. 7 
 
 affected to lament that such talents should be so connected, to 
 acknowledge his great superiority. 
 
 That the highest principles of the Christian religion should 
 be brought into common life, is the greatest display of the 
 power of Divine truth that is possible, and the most glorious 
 victory over the world. It is thus that righteousness shall 
 cover the earth, and bring glory to him that sitteth upon the 
 throne. How poor, how questionable, are all the refinements 
 of the closet, the study, or the cloister, when compared with 
 the love of God and our neighbour, brought into act, and 
 exhibited on right principles, amidst the common concerns and 
 labours of life, and attended with its usual trials, afflictions, and 
 mortifications ! To persevere thus, is indeed the perseverance 
 of the saints, and realizes that old saying, too often quoted by 
 pride and apathy : " It is a sight worthy of God, when he looks 
 down from heaven, to see a virtuous mind unswervingly strug- 
 gle with adversity." Such a sight, I trust, the pious reader 
 will behold in the life of Mrs. Fletcher. Her one support in 
 all her trials was, in substance, that of Job : He knoweth the 
 way that I take, and when he hath tried me, I shall come- 
 forth as gold. 
 
 What indeed can be so interesting to a mind well informed 
 and disposed, as to behold the daily walk of one, who, from a 
 very early age had devoted her whole life to God 1 Not living 
 in seclusion, but walking in what Jeremiah calls the highway, 
 the way of holiness, in which the wayfaring man, though 
 a fool, shall not err? To see our Lord's sermon on the mount 
 brought into daily and hourly practice, according to the evident 
 design of its divine Author. To see the house thus built upon 
 the rock, the truth and love of God ; and then to behold the 
 rains descend, and thejloods come, and the winds blow and 
 beat upon it ! Surely they who contemplate the scene, and 
 behold its stability, will exultingly exclaim : It falls not ; for 
 it is founded upon a rock ! 
 
 That such a person should be judged by men in the flesh, 
 while living to God in the spirit, will not be surprising to any 
 who learn what religion is, by the word and Spirit of God, and 
 who know the real character of man. Mrs. Fletcher was thus 
 judged. The common imputations 'she outlived, or lived down. 
 One perhaps may remain. It may still perhaps be said, she 
 was an enthusiast. To many who use this word no answer' 
 need be returned. Any thing above the dead form of godliness 
 is with them enthusiasm. A love to Him who first loved us, 
 and who gave himself for us, the just for the unjust, to bring 
 us to God, which would at all equal in its attachment the love 
 that is of earth and sense, is with them all madness, folly, or 
 hypocrisy ; wisdom is justified only by her children. 
 
 But more sober minds may object, that she too much mind-
 
 S PREFACE. 
 
 ed impressions, dreams, and those inward feelings, which 
 religious persons are supposed to be particularly exposed to. 
 That such things should be condemned, toto genere, is hardly 
 consistent with any true religion, seeing the oracles of God so 
 frequently mention them ; and not as attached to the prophetic 
 or ministerial character, but as given to those who walk with 
 God in the humblest path of life. The wisest and best of men 
 have not only spoken of such things with respect, but have 
 made them a part of the religion which they have held forth to 
 ages and generations, to communities and kingdoms. Con- 
 cerning religious feelings and impressions, the Liturgy of the 
 Church of England, and her established institutes, bear the 
 fullest and most honourable testimony ; setting the highest 
 value on that mode of Divine teaching, and of bestowing en- 
 couragement and consolation. We know the worship of our 
 Church is so constituted, as, if possible, to impress the whole 
 nation ; but there are parts of it that can only be considered as 
 describing and edifying the children of God. How striking 
 are those passages in the communion service, where those who 
 spiritually eat the flesh of Christ, and drink his blood, are 
 said, agreeably to the Holy Scriptures, to dwell in Christ, and 
 Christ in them ; to be one with Christ, and Christ with them .' 
 And in the seventeenth article, where there is the strongest 
 description of those adopted children of God, (so strong indeed 
 in some of the terms, that not a few have mistaken this Scrip- 
 tural account of them, as descriptive of Mr. Calvin's system,) 
 who by the counsel of God, are delivered from the curse and 
 damnation due to sin, and brought through Christ to ever- 
 lasting sahation, as vessels made to honour. " Wherefore 
 they which be endued with so excellent a benefit of God, be 
 called according to God's purpose by his Spirit working in due 
 season : they through grace obey the calling : they be justified 
 freely : they be made sons of God by adoption : they be made 
 like unto the image of his only begotten Son, Jesus Christ : 
 they walk religiously in good works, and at length, by God's 
 mercy, they attain to everlasting felicity." And " as this godly 
 consideration of their election in Christ is full of sweet, plea- 
 sant, and unspeakable comfort, to such as feel in them- 
 selves the working of the Spirit of Christ, mortifying the 
 works of the flesh, and their earthly members, and drawing 
 up their mind to high and heavenly things ; so it doth great- 
 ly establish and confirm their faith of eternal salvation, and 
 fervently kindle their love to God." 
 
 Now with all this life, union, and holy fellowship, are there 
 no corresponding feelings and enjoyments '? No tasting the 
 powers of the world to come ? No lively impressions of their 
 heavenly inheritance ? No consciousness of his love to them, 
 or their love to him, in whom they dwell? No peace or joy
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 tn believing 1 If this were indeed so, then I am afraid, the 
 life, the union, of which those feelings and impressions have 
 been considered as the gracious marks, have no real existence ; 
 and the system which boasts of a peace, of which the possessor 
 has no consciousness, a joy which raiseth not "the mind to 
 high and heavenly things," and a hope which is not full of im- 
 mortality, may triumphantly take its place in the congregation 
 of the dead! 
 
 But it will be asked, Did she not lay an undue stress up< 
 these things ? I believe not. I have not perceived it. On t 
 contrary, I have seen, even when she believed herself led 
 the Spirit of God to do that good which was the settled pi 
 pose of her whole life, she manifested the greatest care to wi 
 according to St. John's direction, Beloved, believe not even, 
 spirit ; but try the spirits whether they be of God. In obe- 
 dience to this, she considered and pondered all her ways, and 
 brought every purpose and act to the only sure touchstone, the 
 unerring word of God. The same charge was often brought 
 against Mr. Wesley, and for precisely the same reasons. 
 Answering the most respectable of those who thus laid to his 
 charge things that he knew not, viz. Dr. Gibson, the venera- 
 ble bishop of London, he replies, " In the whole compass of 
 language, there is not a proposition which belongs less to me 
 than this. I have declared again and again, that I make the 
 word of God the rule of all my actions ; and that I no more 
 follow any secret impulse instead thereof, than I follow Mo- 
 hammed or Confucius." 
 
 Let Mrs. Fletcher be weighed in this balance, and I believe 
 she will not be found wanting. She, like Mr. Wesley, and 
 her excellent husband, served God in newness of the spirit, 
 and not in the oldness of the letter. Hence her life was hid 
 with Christ in God, and she had impressions, and consola- 
 tions, which are the fruits and evidences of that life. But she 
 well knew that the Spirit of truth never contradicts, never is 
 inconsistent with himself. His written oracles, and his lively, 
 and life-giving teaching, agree together. She humbly and 
 earnestly attended to that direction, To the law, and to the 
 testimony ; if they speak not according to this word, it is 
 because there is no light in them. A writer of the present 
 day has strangely said, that he knew of no witness, no influ- 
 ence, no teaching, but the written word of God. Perhaps he 
 does not know any other. But there are many who walk with 
 God who do. But if that writer only means, that he knows, 
 or acknowledges, no witness, no influence, no teaching, that if 
 contrary to that holy word, or that is inconsistent with its one 
 design, to save us from all sin, into all holiness, every true 
 Christian will applaud the sentiment. Mrs. Fletcher was 
 watchful in this respect, being aware of the danger. Hence,
 
 10 PREFACE. 
 
 though she might err, she never deviated from the path. She 
 might mistake ; but she was always preserved from any depar- 
 ture from her God. 
 
 The pious reader will be glad to be assured, that the who!' 
 of these memoirs are from Mrs. Fletcher's pen. In compiling 
 her Life, I have left out much valuable matter, which was either 
 contained, in substance, in other parts of these memoirs, or 
 was not of sufficient interest to appear in the publication. I 
 have also compressed what I thought was redundant, that the 
 work might not be needlessly swelled. I have also thought it 
 right to press her sentences into more conciseness. She wrote 
 in the fulness of her heart, and with admirable sense ; but her 
 style was rather too copious, and sometimes too diffuse, for 
 narrative or history. But I have taken care, at the same time, 
 to give the admirable issues of her enlightened mind, with all 
 the force and simplicity with which she recorded them. . 
 
 Those who have read the lives of those truly pious women, 
 Madame Guion, Chantel, Bourignon, and others of the same 
 class, which so abundantly prove, that even the cloud of Rom- 
 ish superstition does not preclude thetays of the Sun of right- 
 eousness, and that involuntary ignorance God still winketk 
 at, will be glad to see a life, in the Protestant Church, supe- 
 rior to any of them. Especially, they will see, that all in her 
 may be safely imitated, being all according to the faith once 
 delivered to the saints. They will see also, not the fair pic- 
 ture only, but how it came to bear the stamp Divine. They 
 may trace its progress, and be encouraged to believe, that the 
 Lord, who is ever the same, will thus work in them to will 
 and to do, notwithstanding opposing corruptions : and they 
 will thus be encouraged to give themselves up to that grace of 
 God y which teaches us to deny ungodliness, and worldly 
 lusts, and to live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this pre- 
 sent world ; looking for that blessed hope and the glorious 
 appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ. 
 
 H. MOORE. 
 
 Birmingham, April 14, 1817.
 
 THE 
 
 LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 
 
 PART THE FIRST. 
 
 HER EARLY LIFE AND CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE. 
 
 I WAS born September the first, O. S., 1739, at Laytonstone, 
 m Essex. From my earliest years 1 can remember the Spirit 
 of God striving with me, and offering me salvation ; but I 
 slighted these most gracious calls, and many times resisted the 
 most tender invitations. One day, from a little circumstance 
 which occurred when I was about four years old, I received 
 such a conviction that God heareth prayer, that it often admi- 
 nistered much comfort to me in seasons of trial and danger. 
 Of this I had the greater need, being by nature fearful even to 
 a degree of folly. How much this effeminacy of disposition 
 has cost me, in my Christian warfare, and what sufferings, as 
 well as spiritual loss, I have sustained from it, is known .only 
 to my heavenly Father. 
 
 When I was five years old, I began to have much concern 
 about my eternal welfare, and frequently inquired of those about 
 me, whether such and such things were sins. On Sabbath 
 evenings, my dear father used to instruct us in the Church 
 catechism. At those seaso%s I can remember asking many 
 questions. I wished to know whether any ever did love God 
 with all their heart, and their neighbour as themselves ; and 
 whether it was really the command of God that we should do 
 so : also if the Bible really meant all it said ? It seemed to me 
 that if it did, I was wrong,' and all about me in danger ; for 
 there appeared to be a great difference between the description 
 of a Christian given in the word of God, and those who walk 
 under that name. 
 
 As I was a backward child, and of weaker understanding 
 than the others, I was not well re"ad in the Scriptures at that 
 very early age ; but sentences out of the word of God frequently 
 occurred to my mind, and made a deep impression ; such as, 
 Thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thy heart. I 
 ivoulJttp|Rrer, But I do not love God at all ; I do not know 
 how w*Iove him ; and with respect to loving my neighbour 
 thus, I am sure I do not ; for though my sister is dearer to me 
 ban any body else, I do not love her as well as myself. Again,
 
 12 THE LIFE OV [PART I 
 
 that word struck me much ; St. Paul says, I have fought the 
 good fight ; and when I was baptized, the minister said, I was 
 to be " Christ's faithful soldier and servant, and fight manfully^ 
 under his banner." This amazed me greatly. I thought, I aij^ 
 sure I do not fight, neither do I know what to fight againe 
 But, above all, that sentence would follow me, Narrow is the 
 way which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find, it ; 
 and, // ye are not of the world, the world will hate you. I 
 did not feel it a narrow way, neither did the world hate me ; 
 therefore I questioned often whether I was not quite out of the 
 way, yet it was not with any terror : I believed if the Lord saw 
 that I was wrong, he would make me right, and sometimes I 
 prayed for it. At other times I was very careless ; yet these 
 reflections still dwelt on my mind, and often perplexed me. I 
 frequently asked questions about these subjects, but they were 
 often very lightly treated. Those parts of Scripture were 
 represented as very liable to be mistaken, and that they did not 
 require obedience in all the strictness which I seemed to sup- 
 pose. This well agreed with my carnal mind, and I thus soon 
 quenched those tender convictions : so easy is it to drown the 
 soft voice of the Spirit by carnal reasonings. 
 
 I now drew the following reflections : If the Bible does not 
 mean all it seems to speak, with regard to the commands of 
 God, certainly the same allowance may be made for its threat- 
 enings ; so that I began to believe there was no hell at all, or at 
 least not half so terrible as I had been taught to think. This 
 thought raised in me a dislike to the word of God, and great 
 coldness and carelessness throughout all my conduct. But my 
 adorable Lord did not give me up to the hardness of my heart, 
 but still followed me with his drawings. Often I thought, per- 
 haps the Bible does mean what it says, and then I am not a 
 Christian ; and greatly did I wish to know what was the truth. 
 My sister, who was nearly five years elder than I, was also 
 under a concern for her soul : she wished to know and do the 
 will of God. 
 
 About this time there came a servant maid to live with my 
 father, who ha"d heard of, and felt some little of the power of 
 inward religion. It was among the people called Methodists 
 she had received her instructions. Seeing the uneasiness my 
 sister was under, she took some opportunities of conversing 
 with her. I was at this season with my grandmother. On my 
 return home, my sister repeated the substance of these conver- 
 sations to me. I well remember the very spot we stood on, 
 and the words she spake, which, though we were but a few 
 'toinutes together, sunk so deeply into my heart, that Jtaawere 
 tfever afterward erased. My reflections were suitedlBBIchild 
 not seven years old. I thought if I became a Methodist, I 
 should be sure of salvation ; and determined, if ever I could
 
 FART I.I MRS. FLETCHER. 13 
 
 I 
 
 get to that people, whatever it cost I would be one of them. 
 But after a few conversations, and hearing my sister read some 
 little books which this servant had given to her, I found out, it 
 was not the being joined to any people that would save me, 
 but I must be converted, and have faith in Christ ; that I was 
 to be saved by believing ; and that believing would make me 
 holy, and give me a power to love and serve God. 
 
 The servant had now left our family, and we continued like 
 blind persons groping our way in the dark ; yet, though we 
 had so far discerned the truth as to express it in the above 
 manner, I could not comprehend it. My heart rose against the 
 ;dea of being saved by a faith which I could not understand. 
 One day looking over the pictures in the Book of Martyrs, I 
 thought it would be easier to burn than believe ; and heartily 
 did I wish that the Papists would come and bum me, and then 
 1 thought I should be quite safe. Yet these troubled thoughts 
 were mixed with a degree of hope. I thought, God does love 
 me, I believe, after all ; and, perhaps, he will show me what it 
 is to believe and be converted. 
 
 When I was between seven and eight years old, musing one 
 day on that thought, What can it be to know my sins forgiven, 
 and to have faith in Jesus 1 I felt my heart rise against God, 
 for having appointed a way of salvation so hard to be under- 
 stood ; and with anguish of soul I said, if it were to die a mar- 
 tyr, I could do it ; or to give away all I have ; or when grown 
 up to become a servant, that would be easy ; but I shall never 
 know how to believe. In that moment these words were applied 
 with mighty power to my soul, 
 
 " Who on Jesus relies, without money or price, 
 The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys." 
 
 They were accompanied with a light and power I had never 
 known before ; and with joy I cried out, I do, I do rely on 
 Jesus ; yes, I do rely on Jesus, and God counts me righteous 
 for what he hath done and suffered, and hath forgiven all my 
 sins ! I was surprised that I could not find out this before. I 
 had thought every thing easier than to believe ; but now I 
 thought the way of believing more easy than any other. A ray 
 of light into the Gospel plan shone upon my soul, and I began 
 to adore the wonders of redeeming love. But, alas ! it was but 
 as the drops before a shower ; in a few days 1 lost the power 
 m a great measure,* though not the light of this blessing. I 
 can remember many promises after this, being at times brought 
 to my mind. Something also of a confidence in the Lord Jesus 
 I everxetained ; and when fears would spring up concerning 
 '.he day of jugment, I used to comfort myself with this thought, 
 
 * She was not favoured at this time with Christian fellowship. She had none 
 to help her in the way of faith. ED. 
 
 2
 
 14 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 
 
 * 
 
 Jesus is to be the judge, and I cannot be afraid of Jesu 
 I had not yet learned that lesson, 
 
 ' Man for the simple life divine 
 What will it cost to break ! 
 Ere pleasure soft, and wily pride, 
 Xo more within him speak V 
 
 Some time after I had thus by faith " tasted of the powers 
 of the world to come," I fell into an uncommon lowness and 
 weakness of nerves, which was accompanied with grievous 
 temptations. I was oppressed beyond measure with the fear 
 of sin, and accused in almost every thing I said or did, so that 
 I was altogether a heap of inconsistency. This was followed 
 by temptations unspeakably afflicting. It was continually sug- 
 gested to my mind, I had blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. 
 The consequent effect of these temptations on my temper, 
 drew on me many grievous burdens, and exposed me to so 
 much anger and reproach from my parents, as made me weary 
 of life. It appeared to them that I was obstinate and disobe- 
 dient ; and my flesh has seemed ready to move on my bones, 
 when I have heard my dear mother say, "That girl is the most 
 perverse creature that ever lived ; I cannot think what is come 
 to her ;" and my heart used to sink like a stone, for I knew not 
 what to do, and the grief of my mind quite destroyed my health. 
 My grandfather and grandmother, who were to me the tender- 
 est of parents, seeing me in such a poor way as to my body, 
 (though they knew not the cause,) desired to have me with 
 them. I grew something better while I was there ; but on my 
 return home, I became as bad as ever. 
 
 This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks ; when one 
 day opening my mind to my sister, (as indeed I had often 
 before attempted to do, but could not explain myself,) she pro- 
 videntially used these words in her answer, " Why, you do not 
 mean to blaspheme, do you !" A light immediately struck into 
 my nr.nd ; I weighed the thought over and over, and could truly 
 say, Lord, thou knowest I do not mean to blaspheme. I 
 then recollected that I had heard something about temptation, 
 and often wondered what it was. I thought, it may be, Satan 
 whispers this into my mind, like what we read about Christian 
 in the Pilgrim's Progress, going through the valley of the sha- 
 dow of death. I then determined never to regard it more, but 
 always answer with these words, I do not mean to blaspheme, 
 I will acknowledge Christ for ever ; and in a few days I was 
 perfectly delivered. I am the more full on this head, because 
 it has been a warning to me ever since, not to be too severe in 
 passing a judgment on the actions of children, whose^i^- 
 tions are far deeper, and their feelings much ket': 
 are apt to imagine. 
 
 1 was now, I believe, about ten years old, and can recollect
 
 PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 15 
 
 many comfortable moments in reading the word of God. The 
 oromises in Isaiah were, in a particular manner, applied to my 
 <oul, and I hardly ever opened the Bible but there was something 
 /or me ; till one day I heard a person make this remark, that 
 many people took promises to themselves which did not belong 
 to them. Of some, she observed, they belonged to the church ; 
 others to the Jews ; such and such to the Gentiles, &c ; and 
 then began to blame 'the presumption of those who applied them 
 to their own souls ! Such a thought had never entered my 
 heart before. I knew the words were primarily spoken on 
 particular occasions ; but the Lord had led me to believe that 
 his word was written to every soul, so far as they were willing 
 to receive it by faith. But, from the above conversation, I was 
 unhinged.* I knew not what to choose, or what to refuse : so 
 that being cast into reasonings, I lost my love for reading the 
 Scriptures, and sunk into a very cold and lifeless state. When 
 I was twelve years old, we went to Bath for three months. 
 Here I met with many dissipations, and had, I may truly say, 
 no enjoyment of religion ; only when in the midst of the ball 
 'room I used to think, if I knew where to find the Methodists, 
 or any who would show me how to please God, I would tear 
 off all my fine things, and run through the fire to them : and 
 sometimes I thought, if ever I am my own mistress, I will 
 spend half the day in working for the poor, and the other 
 half in prayer. 
 
 When I was about thirteen, the things of God began to 
 return with more power on my mind. One day my sister 
 vfeiting Mrs. Lefevre,f found her truly awakened, and in earnest 
 to save her soul. She told me this news with great delight ; 
 for as our parents had no suspicion of her being a Methodist, 
 e saw the Lord had opened us a door into that Christian 
 rty we so much longed after. At her house we got oppor- 
 tunities of conversation with religious persons, which a good 
 deal strengthened our hands, though we often said to each 
 other^these Methodists do not quite answer our expectations ; 
 though our time is short with them, they lose much of it before 
 they begin to converse with us about our souls : the Apostles 
 would not have done so. But we must not fonn our judgment 
 by the rich ; let us wait till we get acquainted with some of the 
 poor among them ; perhaps they will be right Methodists, and 
 more like the first Christians. 
 
 Sometimes that p*>mise was brought powerfully to my mind, 
 " Whatsoever ye shall ask, believing, ye shall receive :" then, 
 thought I, I may ask all the grace I "will ; I may ask power 
 never to offend my God again. Faith sprung up in my soul, 
 
 * Here again she felt the want of Christian fellowship. ED. 
 1 Well known in the Methodist connection, by her admirable 
 many years ago,
 
 16 THE LIFE OP [PART I. 
 
 and I was much drawn out in prayer for holiness ; till one day 
 speaking of it to a particular person, she raised many objec- 
 tions to the thought of all sin being removed from the heart. 
 I felt it as if cold water were thrown on a newly kindled fire, 
 and the wings of my faith seemed dipt. Fearing lest I was 
 wrong, I prayed the Lord to answer for himself by his word. 
 So taking up the Bible, with much prayer I opened it, and 
 immediately cast my eyes on these word's, " Behold, I am the 
 Lord, the God of all flesh ; is any thing too hard for me ?" It 
 came with power ; my heart, as it were, leaped for joy ; and I 
 cried out, Now I will wrestle, and I shall prevail. 
 
 Toward the end of the following winter, there was a con- 
 firmation at St. Paul's ; and my father desired I should be 
 confirmed. This was a very rousing ordinance to me : for 
 some time before I had felt how unworthy I was of it ; how 
 unfit thus solemnly to devote myself to God, by renewing that 
 covenant I had so often broken. I read the order of confirma- 
 tion, with the ministration of baptism, over and over, and 
 besought my God to give me power to keep the charge of the 
 Lord faithfully. For some months after, every time I ap- 
 proached the Lord's table, I had a very peculiar sense of 
 his presence, and sometimes I felt as if the Lord Jesus did 
 from his own hand give me the sacred emblems of his body 
 and blood. 
 
 But the next year my mind again wandered after many things, 
 and though I tasted, now and then, a little of the loving-kindness 
 of the Lord, yet in the general T was greatly under the po' 
 of my own will. Pride and perverseness got many times 
 upper hand, and there was nothing in my life or conversat 
 which could adorn the Gospel ; but I did not then see my con- 
 duct in that light. While our love is small, our perceptions irs 
 spiritual things are very dark. Alas ! I thought I walked as a 
 Christian ; but now that I see so much more of the holiness of 
 God, I also discern more fully the depth of my falk and am 
 astonished that either God or man bore with me. W||ile the 
 carnal mind retained this power, I do not Xttander my dear 
 i mother should not love me as the rest of heSbhildren ; for I 
 was not only more dull and indolent in every ' thing I had to 
 learn, but I gave way to an insolent and disobedient spirit in 
 such a degree toward the whole family, thrit the recollection 
 has often seemed to draw -blood from my heart. How per- 
 fectly do I feel these words my own,- ffc"* 
 
 " Sink down, my soul, sink lower atill, 
 Lie level with the dust." 
 
 But the Lord did not forsake me. One night after spending 
 some time in prayer, I cast my eyes on a book Mrs. Lefevrs 
 had given me, and read these words,
 
 PART I.) MRS. FLETCHER. J.7 
 
 " I'll look into my Saviour's breast ; 
 Away, sad doubt and anxious care, 
 Mercy is all that 's written there. 
 
 Jesus' blood, through earth and skies, 
 Mercy, free boundless mercy, cries.'' 
 
 I saw as it were the Father of mercy opening hie arms to 
 receive me, and on that boundless love I had liberty to cast 
 my whole soul. "I was more and more thankful for my union 
 with Mrs. Lefevre, and experienced in her the greatest comfort 
 of my life. 
 
 About this season my ever honoured grandfather and grand- 
 mother were taken from us. He was one of the excellent of 
 the earth : his life, in many respects, was remarkable and sin- 
 gular. In his last illness he delighted much in these words, 
 " My sheep hear my voice ; I know them, and they follow me," 
 &c. He was aged seventy^nine, and had lived with my grand- 
 mother forty-five years, in a union not usually to be met with. 
 He was a pattern in many respects ; plain in his dress, morti- 
 fied in his food, and strictly conscientious in all his expenses. 
 When many dishes were on his table, he scarcely ate of any 
 thing but mutton, and that for many years, because he believed 
 it most conducive to his health. His love and charity to the 
 poor were uncommon. He esteemed it a reproach to any man 
 to say he died very rich ; adding, it is too plain a mark he has 
 not made a good use of his income. 
 
 One day upon the Exchange, a gentleman who was by him 
 said to another, " Sir John, I give you joy ; they tell me you 
 have completed your hundred thousand pounds." The other 
 replied, " I hope to double it before I die." My grandfather 
 turning short, said, " Then, Sir John, you are not worthy of 
 it." Once being at the table of a nobleman, he observed the 
 guests drinking to excess, and conversing in a very unchristian 
 manner. At h'rst he tried to turn the conversation ; but the 
 torrent being too strong, he rose up, and leaning over the back 
 of his chair, he'gave them a solemn reproof, joined to an affec- 
 tionate warning, and then left the company. I have been with 
 him in his chariot when he has suddenly stopped it to reprove 
 profane swearing on 'the road. 
 
 My grandmother was a woman of an uncommonly sweet tem- 
 pe'r ; and having acquired a good deal of skill in physic, she so 
 helped the poor, that they looked on her as a mother, a nurse, 
 and a counsellor. When my grandfather had been dead three 
 months, she dreamed, one night, he came to her, and standing 
 by the bedside, said, she " should come to him shortly, till then 
 his happiness was not so complete as it would be ;" and added, 
 " study the Scriptures, study the Scriptures, in them ye think 
 ytt have eternal life." From this time ehf applied to them 
 daily, in a manner superior to what she had done before ; though 
 2*
 
 18 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 
 
 she had always a high veneration for the word of God. About 
 three weeks after, she said to us one day, " Air that room ; I 
 will go into it, that I may die in the bed Mr. Dunster died in." 
 From the night she went into it, she came out no more ; for 
 she died within the week. As she did not appear any worse 
 than usual, she was at first thought to be in no danger. She 
 said to herself two or three times, " What a blessing I am 
 dying without pain ! I have no more than I can very well 
 bear!" 
 
 From this time we began to get rather more liberty, and one 
 day, as my sister was on a visit at Mrs. Lefevre's, Mr. Ro- 
 maine came in, and began" to speak 'of the sinfulness of attend- 
 ing the playhouse. She listened with great earnestness to all 
 he said ; which repeating to me on her return, it was as a nail 
 i7i a sure place, and I began to cry for power to stand to the 
 light which I had then received. 
 
 A few months after this my sister married, by which I was 
 left alone. I must observe, to this time my parents had very 
 little suspicion of our having any intercourse with the Method- 
 ists, but thought, (when the before-mentioned servant was put 
 away, and our books taken from us,) that our religious impres- 
 sions had worn off. I now saw the time was come, when I 
 must confess Christ before men, if I would wish him to con- 
 fess me before his Father and the holy angels. I consulted 
 some of my serious friends about the playhouse ; but they said, 
 " Were you older, we should know what to advise, but as you 
 are but sixteen, if your parents insist on your going, we do not 
 see how you can avoid it." This answer did not fully satisfy 
 me ; and I was much distressed both ways. I saw the duty I 
 owed to an absolute command from my parents in a very strong 
 light ; and, on the other hand, I remembered that my obedi- 
 ence to them was to be in the Lord. I sought direction in 
 prayer, and endeavoured to examine the question on both sides : 
 but the more I searched, the clearer it appeared to me I must 
 not comply. I considered the playhouse had a tendency to 
 weaken every Christian temper, and to strengthen all that was 
 contrary ; to represent vice under the false colour of virtue, 
 and to lead in every respect into the spirit of the world, of 
 which the Apostle declares, The friendship of this world is 
 enmity with God. When the time came, and my obedient 
 compliance was required, I begged to be left at home. On a 
 refusal, I laid open my whole heart to my father ; apprizing 
 him, T would not willingly be disobedient in any thing, unless 
 where conscience made it appear to be my duty. We con- 
 versed on the subject with great freedom ; for my dear father 
 was a man of deep reason, calmness, and condescension. He 
 replied, " Child, your arguments prove too much ; and there- 
 fore are not conclusive. If what you say be true, then all
 
 PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 19 
 
 places of diversion, all dress and company, nay, all agreeable 
 liveliness, and the whole spirit of the world, is sinful." I em- 
 braced the opportunity and said, " Sir, / see it as such, and 
 therefore am determined no more to be conformed to its cus- 
 toms, fashions, or maxims." This was a season of great trial, 
 but the Lord stood by me : glory be t his holy name ! 
 
 I daily discerned a great difference between my manner of 
 life, and that which the Bible described as the life of a Chris- 
 tian. I had often strong desires to- be wholly given to the 
 Lord. Much opposition I met with for having declared my 
 sentiments ; and what was very cutting to me, I was often 
 debarred from the pleasure of seeing my friend, Mrs. JLefevre. 
 This was the consequence I much feared, if I should openly 
 declare my mind ; but I was thoroughly convinced, if I loved 
 my friend more than God's law, I should never know the power 
 of true religion. It is my natural temper to be very anxious 
 about those I love, and to fix too much of my confidence in 
 them. This was the case with respect to Mrs. Lefevre. I saw 
 and lamented it, beseeching the Lord to take away all idolatry 
 out of my affections, and give me to love her as I ought. 
 
 I dreamed one night I was in a church, and saw written on 
 the wall, in letters of gold, these words : Thou shalt have no 
 other gods but me. While I was looking on it, I saw the 
 name of Mrs. Lefevre wrote under it. I was surprised, and 
 presently beheld the following line, If this is your god, then 
 what am 1 1 I awakened with a deep conviction that I had 
 placed too much confidence on an arm of flesh. I knew it was 
 the voice of God by this mark, a great sweetness accom- 
 panied the reproof. This was the method the Lord has always 
 used toward me ; he held me up with one hand, while he smote 
 me with the other. 
 
 In the month of June, 1756, 1 spent a day with Mrs. Lefevre. 
 It was a profitable time : I found my heart very open, and told 
 her, I believed I could give up even her to the will of God. She 
 replied, " Nothing you could have said would have given me 
 more satisfaction. For a long time I have thought the thread 
 of my life was nearly spun out. I have no clo^upon my chariot 
 wheels ; but my greatest pain was for you, who have already so 
 many trials surrounding you," This was her last address ; for 
 three days after I received a message, that she was seized with 
 a sudden illness, and in great danger. My mother kindly per- 
 mitted me to visit her ; but I found her on the borders of eter- 
 nity, into which, after expressing with great difficulty, " 1 have 
 comforts indeed !" her happy spirit took its flight. As my time 
 was limited, I had returned home when I received the news of 
 her death. I went into a grove that was in our garden, to pour 
 out my soul before the Lord. But what may seem strange, I 
 ttas not permitted to feel at that time much pain, for the Lord
 
 20 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 
 
 met me with these words, which sprang up as living water iu 
 my soul, 
 
 " My star by night, my sun by day, 
 My spring of life, when parch'd with drought ; 
 My wine to cheer, my bread to stay, 
 "My strength, my shield, my safe abode, 
 My robe berorethe throne of God." 
 
 I felt the Lord Jesus did answer all these characters to my soul, 
 and by faith I beheld him as my robe before the throne of God. 
 When I was about seventeen years of age, my father and 
 two brothers (younger than I) were going with some other 
 company to see the Royal George, which was sixteen miles 
 from the shore from whence we set out : my father desired 
 me to accompany them. I knew not what to do, but at 
 length believed I ought to obey. Indeed I thought I should 
 have no farther cross than the going to the ship, and returning 
 in the afternoon. But we had not been long in the vessel, 
 before some of the company began to ridicule my overmuch 
 religion. When we drew near the Royal George, the men 
 said, we must not attempt to go round her, for she was deep 
 and very dangerous ; but the gentlemen insisted they should 
 row round the ship. While this was doing, we were in great 
 danger, and the ladies, exceedingly alarmed, began to cry out. 
 Some of them said, " Miss Bosanquet why are you so calm?" 
 I told them I saw the danger, but our business was to trust in 
 God ; I was quite ready either to sink or to be saved. My 
 confidence in the Lord kept me secure in his providence. I 
 had now an opportunity to speak, and they were ready to hear. 
 When we got into the ship, it seemed like a town ; such a 
 vast variety of places like shops, were all around. We were 
 met by Captain Burnet, who led us into a grand room ; the 
 place designed for us was pointed out by a lady that attended 
 us. Captain Burnet proposed a dance, and after that a cold 
 collation. Now I felt indeed. Several of the company fell 
 upon me, with, " Now, Miss Bosanquet, what will you do now ? 
 You must dance ; you cannot run away." Knowing my help 
 must come from above, I lifted up my heart to the Lord, and 
 cried to him for help. Presently a messenger in haste called 
 for Captain Burnet. He ran d'own, but soon returned, with 
 great disappointment in his countenance, saying, " O what 
 shall we do 1 The Prince of Wales and Admiral Ahson are 
 coming on board." Never was any thing more welcome to 
 me than this hurry of preparing for the prince our present 
 king, one year older than I. My heart praised the Lord for 
 this timely interposition. The cannon put aside the dance, 
 and we at length talked of returning. We were let down into 
 our little vessel, and I was truly thankful to be on the way 
 home. But another trial soon occurred. Some of the com-
 
 ?ART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 21 
 
 pany proposed going to Vauxhall ; this I refused. " Then," 
 said they, "you must stay in the vessel with the men." I 
 knew not what to do. As we drew near the part where our 
 coaches were waiting for us, a strange disagreement took 
 place between two of the. gentlemen ; one of them, my brother, 
 rose up, and bid the man draw near to the steps ; he got out, 
 and I followed him. The rest went on to Vauxhall. I was 
 truly thankful when we got into the coach. This was the 
 last attempt of this kind. 
 
 But this peaceful frame did not last long. Some snares 
 were presented before me, which dissipated my mind, and 
 cooled the fervour of my affections. In this spirit I went to 
 London in the winter. I was now about eighteen. As I had 
 not yet had a clear conviction to throw aside dress, while in 
 my father's house I continued in my appearance like the com- 
 pany I conversed with, only I did not go with them to public 
 diversions ; and this winter I began to gain favour in their 
 eyea, and felt myself in great danger of being carried down the 
 stream. But the thought alarmed my soul, and caused me to 
 look about for help. I cried to the Lord to bring me acquainted 
 with some of the excellent of the earth, that I might learn to 
 walk in the narrow way which leads to life and glory, and into 
 which I saw I was scarcely entered. One day I heard a con- 
 versation concerning an extraordinary work among the Method- 
 ists, that some of them spoke of such a change being wrought 
 on their will and affections, that they found that word to be 
 accomplished, " Old things are passed away, and all things are 
 become new." The remembrance of that text, " Is any thing 
 too hard for me?" came with fresh power to my soul; and 
 some encouraging promises sprang up in my mind, and made 
 me persevere in prayer. I told my serious friends, (who were 
 not joined to the Methodists,) if they could procure me an 
 hour's conversation with one of those pious women, I should 
 esteem it a great favour ; for I longed to see any one who 
 would tell me of a deeper religion than I had known. I saw 
 myself surrounded with sncres, and often thought with tears 
 on those words, 
 
 "Sec where o'er desert wastes I err, 
 And neither food nor feeder have, 
 Nor fold, nor place of refuge n 
 While no man cares my soul to save.' 1 
 
 At this time I became acquainted with a gentleman in some 
 sense religious, though I fear not deeply so. He profesaeo 
 much affection for me, and my religious /riends advised me to 
 think of him, as it was likely to be very acceptable to my 
 parents, and would open a door to more religious liberty. But 
 I cannot say he was agreeable to me. Neither my under- 
 standing nor affectidn could approve the proposal ; yet I waa
 
 82 THE LIFE OF [PART I, 
 
 hurt by unprofitable reasonings. Sometimes I thought it migh' 
 be of the Lord ; at others, I could not see into it at all. While 
 thus perplexed, I received a message from Miss Furley, (now 
 Mrs. Downes,) that on such a day Mrs. Crosby would be at 
 her house. I went to meet her in .the spirit of prayer and 
 expectation. She simply related what God had done for he* 
 aoul. The words she spoke were clothed with power, and my 
 convictions of the necessity of holiness were much increased. 
 The affair of the gentleman was obliterated from my mind ; 
 and the prospect of a life wholly devoted to God drank up every 
 other consideration. In a few hours I returned home to our 
 country house on Epping Forest ; but such a sweet sense of 
 God, the greatness of his love, and willingness to save to the 
 uttermost, remained on my mind, that if I but thought on the 
 word holiness, or of the adorable name of Jesus, my heart 
 seemed to take fire in an instant ; and my desires were more 
 intensely fixed on God than ever I had found them before. 
 
 A few days after 1 wrote to Mrs. Crosby. The following is 
 an extract : 
 
 Forest House, May 17, 1757. 
 
 " The Lord hath indeed been merciful above all I can ask or 
 think. I am more drawn to prayer. I find a more earnest 
 pursuit of holiness than ever ; but what most stirs me up is, I 
 seem to hear the Lord calling to me in these words, ' Depart 
 ye, depart ye, go ye out hence, touch not the unclean thing ; 
 be clean, ye that bear the vessels of the Lord*.' " 
 
 I now saw the path in which I ought to walk. I determined 
 not to think about a married life, for my present light was to 
 abide single. But the Lord seemed to call me to more activ- 
 ity, insomuch that I cried out, " Lord, what wilt thou have 
 me to do ?" I would be given up, both soul and body, to serve 
 the members of Christ. My firm resolution was to be wholly 
 given up to the church in any way that he pleased. I desired 
 not to be idle, but employed as those described by St. Paul to 
 Timothy, " If she have brought up children, if she have lodged 
 strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, and diligently 
 followed after every good work." I can hardly express with 
 what power these words would come to my mind. It seemed 
 to me the Lord had planned out all my way ; and I only wished 
 so to walk. 
 
 The end of this summer brought me a great trial. My pa- 
 rents were going to Scarborough. My mother offered to take 
 me with them, if I would do as they did, and not bring a 
 reproach on them in,a strange place. This seemed a reason- 
 able request ; but I could not comply, for the spirit of the world 
 was as contrary to that of Christ in Scarborough as in London. 
 1 requested to be left with my sister ; but it was appointed for 
 me to spend most of my time at an uncle's in London. They
 
 I 
 
 ?ART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 23 
 
 were exceedingly kind, and let me have much liberty. I had 
 never before had the opportunity of a constant attendance on 
 the means of grace ; and I greatly feared abusing this talent. 
 One of my acquaintance, being imprudent, pressed me never 
 to be absent from any meeting, or preaching. By this means 
 I am sensible I went too far. I walked about more than my 
 strength could bear, having been scarce ever permitted to go 
 out of our own grounds but in a carriage. But above all, I am 
 pained when I think how little of Christian prudence appeared 
 in my conduct. The kind family in which I was received could 
 not but blame and condemn a conduct which, though the mo- 
 tive was upright, was in itself sometimes wrong. 
 
 During this season I cultivated an acquaintance for which I 
 trust I shall for ever praise the Lord. It was with Mrs. Sarah 
 Ryan, who (with a pious woman named Mary Clark) lived in 
 a little house in Christopher-alley, Moorfields. They both pos- 
 sessed the spirit of the primitive church in an eminent degree. 
 A few of the most lively souls in the London society were fre- 
 quently gathered'there. The more I saw of that family, the 
 more I was convinced Christ had yet a pure church below ; 
 and often, while in their company, I thought myself with the 
 hundred and twenty that waited to be baptized by the Holy 
 Spirit. It was at Mrs. Ryan's house that Mrs. Crosby board- 
 ed ; and whenever I was from home, this was the place of my 
 residence, and truly I found it to be a little Bethel. 
 
 The more I conversed with Mrs. Ryan, the more I discover- 
 ed of the glory of God breaking forth from within, and felt a 
 strong attraction to consider her as the friend of my soul. I 
 told her the past sins, follies, and mercies of my life, and re- 
 ceived a similar account from her. 
 
 The time now drew nigh for my parents' return, and I went 
 home to receive them. While in London, I had used more 
 exercise than my constitution could bear. My mother was 
 much surprised when she saw me appear so ill, and laid it all 
 to my religion. A fever came on rapidly, and I was ordered 
 to go to bed ; but I could scarcely keep on my feet while I 
 ascended the stairs. When I was laid in bed, 1/ow shall I de- 
 scribe the posture of my mind 1 Distracted by the fever ; torn 
 by fears and temptations ; and deprived of those friends, who 
 at this time could have understood and comforted me ! The 
 loss of Mrs. Lefevre now also returned on m/ mind with great 
 pain. My dear parents were not aware ofjhe nature of my 
 illness, which was, as the apothecary afterward told them, a 
 strong nervous fever. They thought it all arose from some 
 trouble of mind I would not own, and told me one day, if I did 
 not rouse myself out of that low state, my head should be blis- 
 tered, and I should be shut up in a dark room. My father being 
 present, I said, " Will you put me in a mad house, papa?" he
 
 24 THE LIFE OF fSART I. 
 
 said, "No; but you must be shut up at home, if you do not 
 strive against this lowness. The doctor says you have no pulse 
 at all ; he never saw a patient so low." My mind became 
 greatly depressed ; I could find no comfort of any kind, either 
 from God or outward things. 
 
 But the Lord graciously helped me in an extraordinary way. 
 As I lay reflecting on my situation, and weeping before him 
 on account of the darkness of my mind, I discerned an unusual 
 brightness, (yet not dazzling,) and a voice came so powerfully, 
 that I can only say, I heard and felt it with every faculty of 
 soul and body, Thou shalt walk with me in white ! An an- 
 swer seemed to come from my heart, independent of myself,* 
 ".Lord, how can that be, seeing I am not worthy ?" It was 
 spoken to me again, Thou shalt walk with me in white ; I 
 will make thee worthy. This was followed by those words, 
 I will thoroughly purge away thy 'dross, and take away alt 
 thy tin! and 
 
 11 Glory is on earth begun, 
 
 Everlasting life is won." 
 
 To this day I have the most lively remembrance of that 
 manifestation ; and in the darkest moments I have since passed 
 through, I could never doubt its being the voice of the Lord. 
 My illness was long, and attended with many trials. Before 
 my recovery, Mrs. Ryan was removed from London to Bristol, 
 to be housekeeper at the room there ; and much did I pray the 
 Lord that we should be brought together again. 
 ; I was now about nineteen years of age, and soon after, my 
 parents having an intention to go to Bath for a season, pro- 
 posed that I should spend that time at Bristol, as I was now 
 thought to be consumptive. I gladly embraced the offer, as a 
 merciful providence. I accordingly went to Bristol, where 1 
 remained seven weeks. Mrs. Downes (late Miss Furley) show- 
 ed me much kindness. Indeed I was in some sense committed 
 to her care b? my parents, who had for years been acquainted 
 with her famuV. I spent much of my time with Mrs. Ryan and 
 .Mrs. Clark, ai.d I trust in some degree partook of their spirit. 
 After my return home, I clearly discovered that I still con- 
 formed too muc.i in my appearance to the spirit and fashions 
 of the world ; butl plainly saw a renunciation of that conformity 
 would give my relations great offence. I loved my parents, 
 and feared to disoblige them. I sought for arguments to quench 
 that little spark of light which was kindling in my soul, con- 
 scious they could not see in my light, and knowing that obedi- 
 euce to parents was one of the first duties. I did so far quench 
 
 * Who can account for this whole manifestation on common principles ? Te: 
 what pious mind will not conclude, it wag help from the Lord in the time c/ 
 necf7 ED.
 
 PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 25 
 
 it, that I put on again many of the things I had thrown off. 
 My acquaintance took much notice of me, and I was so afraid 
 of losing their good opinion, that I had no power to reprove 
 sin, or even to refrain from joining in light or trifling conver- 
 sation when in company. But I soon discerned the danger 
 consequent on their approval, and therefore determined to 
 weigh well what was most likely to please God, and by that 
 to abide. 
 
 I prayed for direction, and saw clearly that plainness of dress 
 and behaviour best became a Christian, and that for the follow- 
 ing reasons : 
 
 First. The Apostle expressly forbids women professing 
 godliness, to let their adorning be in apparel ; allowing them 
 no other ornament than that of a meek and quiet spirit. 
 
 Secondly. I saw the reasonableness of the command, and 
 proved it good for a proud heart to wear the plain and modest 
 livery of God's children. , 
 
 Thirdly. It tended to open my mouth ; for when I appear- 
 ed like the world, in Babylonish garments, I had its esteem, 
 and knew not how to part with it. But when I showed, by my 
 appearance, that I considered myself as a stranger and foreign- 
 er, none can know (but by trying) what an influence it has on 
 our whole conduct, and what a fence it is, to keep us from 
 sinking into the spirit of the world. For there is no medium : 
 they who are conformed to the fashions, customs, and maxims 
 of the world, must embrace the spirit also, and they shall find 
 the esteem they seek ; for the world will love its own. But 
 let them remember also that word, The friendship of this 
 world is enmity with God. 
 
 Fourthly. I saw myself as a steward, who must render an 
 account for every talent, and that it was my privilege to have 
 the smiles of God on every moment of my time, or penny of 
 money which f laid out. 
 
 Fifthly. I saw clearly that the helping my fellow creatures 
 in their need, was both more rational, and more pleasant, than 
 spending my substance on superfluities ; and as I am com- 
 manded to love my neighbour as myself, and to consider all 
 done to the household of faith as done to Christ, surely I ought 
 not only to suffer my superfluity to give way to their necessity, 
 but also (as occasion may require) my necessities to their ex- 
 tremities. 
 
 Sixthly. But it is not only the talent of money, but of time, 
 which is thrown away by conformity to the world, entangling 
 us in a thousand little engagements, which a drees entirely 
 plain cuts through at once. 
 
 Seventhly. The end usually proposed by young persons in 
 their dress, is such as a devout soul would abominate. A hea- 
 then may say, It will promote my being comfortably settled ir. 
 3
 
 26 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 
 
 life ; but I believe the Lord appoints the bounds of our habita- 
 tion, and that no good thing shall be withheld from those 
 who walk uprightly. I have therefore nothing to do, but to 
 commend myself to God, in holy obedience, and to leave every 
 step of my life to be guided by his will. I will therefore make 
 it my rule to be clean and neat, but in the plainest things, 
 according to my station ; and whenever I thought on the subject, 
 these words would pass through my mind with power, For so 
 the holy women of old adorned themselves. 
 
 As soon as I saw my way clearly, I ventured to open my 
 mind to my father concerning dress, as I had done before with 
 regard to public places ; entreating him to bear with me, while 
 I endeavoured to show him my reasons for refusing to be con- 
 formed to the customs, fashions, and maxims of the world. He 
 heard me with great patience ; and as I loved him tenderly, it 
 came very near me to oppose him. My trials increased daily. 
 I was perplexed to know how far to conform, and how far to 
 resist. I feared, on the one hand, disobedience to my parents, 
 and on the other, disobedience to God. 
 
 My dear mother had sometimes expressed a belief, that it 
 would be better for the family if I were removed from it, lest 
 my brothers, who were younger than I, should be infected by 
 my sentiments and example. Yet she did not see it clear to 
 bid me go ; but rather wished me to depart of my own accord. 
 The furnace now became hot ; but I did not dare to come out 
 without the Lord. Indeed, could there have been any amica- 
 ble agreement between us, and that I had my parents' leave to 
 live elsewhere, I would gladly have accepted it. I even made 
 some distant proposals of this kind, but they never saw it good 
 to concur. Providence thus overruled my desire for wise ends : 
 and to run away from my father's house, I could not think of. 
 I was twenty-one years of age, and had a small fortune of my 
 own. I saw myself on the verge of a material change, and it 
 was easy to discern that my father's house would not long be 
 a refuge for me ; but in what manner I should be removed, or 
 what trials I might yet have to go through, I could not tell. 
 The continual language of my heart was, / am oppressed. 
 Lord, undertake thou for -me. 
 
 One day my father said to me : " There is a particular pro- 
 mise which I require of you ; that is, that you will never, on 
 any occasion, either now, or hereafter, attempt to make your 
 brothers what you call a Christian." I answered, (looking to 
 the Lord,) " I think, sir, I dare not consent to that." He 
 replied, ' Then you force rne to put you out of my house." I 
 answered, "Yes, sir, according to your views of things, I 
 acknowledge it ; and, if I may hut have your approval, no situa- 
 tion will be disagreeable." He replied, " There are many 
 things in your present situation which must be, I should think ,
 
 PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 27 
 
 c 
 
 very uncomfortable." This I acknowledged, and added, that, 
 if he would but say he approved of my removal, I would take 
 a lodging which I had heard of at Mrs. Gold's, in Hoxton 
 Square; but that no suffering could incline me to leave him, 
 except by his free consent. He replied with some emotion, 
 " I do not know that you ever disobliged me wilfully in your 
 iife, but only in these fancies ; and my children shall always 
 have a home in my house." As I could not but discern a sepa- 
 ration would take place, (though I knew not how nor when,) 
 I judged it most prudent to take the lodgings, that in case I 
 should be suddenly removed, I might have a home to go to ; 
 which I preferred to the going into any friend's house as a 
 visiter. I also hired a sober girl, to be ready whenever I might 
 want her. I informed my mother, a short time after, of the 
 steps I had taken. She gave me two beds, one for myself, and 
 a little one for my maid ; and appeared to converse on it in a 
 way of approval. Something, however, seemed to hold us, on 
 both sides, from bringing it to the point. 
 
 For the next two months I suffered much ; my mind was 
 exercised with many tender and painful feelings. One day my 
 mother sent me word, " I must go home to my lodgings that 
 night." I went down to dinner, but they said nothing on the 
 subject ; and I could not begin it. The next day, as I was sit- 
 ting in my room, I received again the same message. During 
 dinner, however, nothing was spoken on the subject. When it 
 was over, I knew not what to do. I was much distressed. 1 
 thought, if they go without saying any thing to me, I cannot 
 go ; and if they should not invite me to come and see them 
 again, how shall I bear it ? My mind was pressed down with 
 sorrow by this suspense. Just aa they were going out, my 
 mother said, " If you will, the coach, when it has set us down, 
 may carry you home to your lodging." My father added, " And 
 we shall be glad to see you to dinner next Tuesday." This 
 was some relief. I remained silent. When the coach return- 
 ed, I ordered my trunk into it ; and struggling with myself, 
 took a kind of leave of each of the servants, as they stood in 
 a row in tears, in my way out of the house. About eight o'clock 
 I reached my lodging. 
 
 It consisted of two rooms, as yet unfurnished. I had neither 
 candle nor any convenience. The people of the house I had 
 never seen before, only I knew them by character to be sober 
 persons. I borrowed a table and a candlestick, and the win- 
 dow seat served me as a chair. When bolting the door, I 
 began to, muse on my present situation. 
 
 I am, said I, but young only entered into my twenty-second 
 year. I am cast out of my father's house. / know Ae heart 
 of a stranger ; but, alas ! how much more of it may I v "* have 
 to prove 1 I cried unto the Lord, and found a sweet calm over-
 
 28 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 
 
 spread my spirit. I could in a measure act faith on these 
 words : " When thy father and thy mother forsake thee, the 
 Lord shall take thee up." The following reflections also arose 
 in my mind : I am now exposed to the world, and know not 
 what snares may be gathering around me. I have a weak 
 understanding, and but little grace. Therefore, now, before any 
 snare has entangled me, I shall form a plan for my future con- 
 duct, and endeavour to' walk thereby. First, I will not receive 
 visits from single men, and in order to evade the trial more 
 easily, I will not get acquainted with any ; I will, as much as 
 possible, refrain from going into any company where they are. 
 Secondly, I will endeavour to lay out my time by rule, that I 
 may know each hour what is to be done : nevertheless, I will 
 cheerfully submit to have these rules broken or overturned, 
 whenever the providence of God thinks fit to do so. And third- 
 ly, I will endeavour to fix my mind on the example of Jesus 
 Christ, and to lead a mortified life ; remembering, " He came 
 not to be ministered unto, but to minister." 
 
 The prejudices of education are strong, especially in those 
 persons who have been brought up rather in high life. The 
 being removed from a parent's habitation seemed very awful. 
 I looked on myself as being liable to a deep reproach, and 
 trembled at the thought. But I remembered that word, " He 
 that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of 
 me." 
 
 My maid being now come, and having lighted a fire in the 
 other room, and borrowed a few things of the family, she beg- 
 ged me to come into it, as the night was very cold. And now 
 my captivity seemed turning every moment. That thought, I 
 am brought out of the world ; I have nothing to do but to be 
 holy, both in body and spirit, filled me with consolation. 
 Thankfulness overflowed my heart ; and such a spirit of peace 
 and content poured into my soul, that all about me seemed a 
 little heaven. 
 
 Some bread, with rank salt butter, and water to drink, made 
 me so comfortable a meal, that I could truly say, I ate my meat 
 with gladness and singleness of heart. As the bed was not 
 put up, I laid that night almost on the ground, and the windows 
 having no shutters, and it being a bright moonlight night, the 
 sweet solemnity thereof well agreed with the tranquillity of my 
 spirit. I had now daily more and more cause for praise. I 
 was acquainted with many of the excellent of the earth, and 
 my delight was in them. Yet I was not without my cross ; for 
 every time I went to see my dear parents, what I felt when, 
 toward night, I rose up to go away, cannot well be imagined. 
 Not that I wished to abide there ; but there was something in 
 bidding farewell to those under whose roof I had always lived y 
 that used to affect me much, though I saw the wise and gra .
 
 PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 29 
 
 cious hand of God in all ; and that he had by this means set 
 me free for his own service. From my heart I thanked him as 
 the gracious author, and them as the profitable instruments, of 
 doing me so great a good. My mother was frequently giving 
 ine little things ; and every renewed mark of kindness made 
 the wound to bleed afresh. 
 
 There was in the years sixty-one and sixty-two, a very great 
 revival among the societies, both in London and many other 
 places ; 'and an earnest desire was stirred up in many hearts 
 after full salvation. Prayer was made without ceasing by the 
 faithful, " That the glory of God might go forth as brightness ; 
 and his salvation as a lamp that burneth." These prayers 
 were answered in a very powerful manner. The Spirit was 
 poured out on some in such a degree as can hardly be con- 
 ceived, but by those who felt the Divine influence. Not only 
 Mr. Wesley and Mr. Maxfield, were in an uncommon manner 
 blessed in their preaching ; but many simple persons, both men 
 and women, were lively harbingers of the approaching pente- 
 cost, and cried aloud, The kingdom of heaven is at hand ! 
 The mighty power of God was seen on every side ! Christ was 
 held out as a complete Saviour ; and represented to the eye of 
 faith, as crying out on this festal day, " If any man thirst, let 
 him come unto me and drink ; he that believeth on me, out of 
 his belly shall flow rivers of living water." These rivers did, 
 indeed, flow from heart to heart. The gift of victorious faith 
 was given to many, not only for themselves but others. A 
 clear light shone on these truths : " They that are in Christ 
 are new creatures ; old things are passed away, and all things 
 become new. The blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all 
 sin." The whole soul, with every faculty, shall be so brought 
 into subjection to Christ, as to feel, / live not, but Christ 
 liveth in me .' 
 
 Some portion of this river seemed now to reach me also. 
 The means of grace were as marrow to my soul ; and often 
 these words were applied : If thou canst believe, all things 
 are possible to him that believeth. But I could not believe so 
 as to give up my whole heart to the Lord. I knew him mine, 
 but other things had yet life in me, though not dominion over 
 me. I was now assured the blessing of sanctification (or, in 
 other words, a heart entirely renewed) could not be received 
 but by simple naked faith ;* and my soul groaned out its desire 
 in these words : 
 
 "That mighty faith on me bestow, 
 
 Which cannot ask in vain ; 
 Which holds, and will not let tuee go, 
 Till I my suit obtain." 
 
 * By simple faith, I mean, taking God at his word without reasoning; and by. 
 naked faith^ I mean, stripped of every other dependence but on Christ alone, 
 
 3*
 
 30 THE LIFE OF [PART I, 
 
 One day as a few of us were praying together at brother 
 Gilford's, we were so drawn out, that we were, I think, four 
 hours engaged, when I really thought we had not been above 
 one ; and this was frequently the case with us. Another day 
 as I was at a meeting for prayer at a friend's house, when 
 he had continued some time, I seemed as if I had lost all. 
 Deep discouragement seized my spirit ; but I wrestled on, and 
 was in an agony to love God with all my heart. Brother Gil- 
 ford was praying for me, when in a moment I felt a calmness 
 overspread my spirit, and by faith I laid hold on Jesus, as my 
 full Saviour. I said in my heart, Thy will be done ! Thy will 
 be done ! and in that I felt my rest. In the same moment 
 brother Gilford changed prayer into praise, telling the Lord he 
 had heard and answered : he had set me at liberty, and now he 
 would praise him. This surprised me, as I had not given the 
 least sign, by either word or motion, of what I had felt within. 
 He concluded his prayer with that act of praise. He asked me 
 how I felt myself! I answered, I could not fully tell ; but that 
 I found that the love of the will of God had brought an un- 
 speakable peace into my soul : but that I did not feel joy ; only 
 a rest in that thought, The Lord reignetk, and his will shall 
 be done. As I was walking home, I found the presence of the 
 Lord to be with me. He soemed to say, Round thee and 
 beneath thee are spread the everlasting arms. I felt they 
 were so, and my faith seemed to gather strength continually. 
 
 Yet for some days I was much exercised with temptation, 
 and continually accused, that I had thought, said, or done 
 something amiss.* But after a little time I found a more solid 
 rest ; and sensibly felt my will and affections were fixed on 
 God, and most powerfully was I penetrated with these words : 
 
 " Their daily delight shall be in his name, 
 They shall, as their right, his righteousness claim; 
 His righteousness wearing, and cleansed by his blood, 
 Bold shall they appear in the presence of God !" 
 
 One night I awaked with much of the presence of God, when 
 those words were powerfully applied, Thou shall call thy 
 walls Salvation, and thy gates Praise. That promise also 
 dwelt on my mind, In returning and rest shall ye be saved ; 
 in quietness and confidence shall be thy strength. 
 
 I believe what I felt at this season was a low degree of pure 
 love ; or what we call a clean heart. But though it was in a 
 small degree, yet did it evidence itself by a mighty change. I 
 had many temptations, and not much joy. Yet did I never 
 feel any thing contrary to love ; and in the temptations with 
 which I was attacked, I felt a great difference. Satan never 
 attempted to draw my affections, neither to move me to anger, 
 for there I could have answered him, Thou hast nothing in 
 * A strong mark of the reality of the work. ED.
 
 PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 31 
 
 me ;* but I was followed with such a sense of sorrow as I cannot 
 express. The fear of living to fall from grace, and sin against 
 God, tore me at intervals, for some minutes, as one on a rack. 
 Then a turn of the eye, by faith on Jesus, would make my 
 enemies flee. Another cause of sorrow was, something I am 
 at a loss to describe, but it seemed most exquisite feelings were 
 opened in my soul, such as I never knew before. If I saw or 
 heard of the consequences of sin, I was ready to die ! For 
 instance, if in the street I saw a child ill used or slighted by 
 the person who seemed to have the care of it, or a poor person 
 sweating under an uncommonly heavy burden ; or if I saw a 
 horse, or a dog, oppressed or wounded, it was more than I 
 could bear. I seemed to groan and travail in birth, as it were, 
 for the whole creation. Yet notwithstanding all these painful 
 feelings, I had a solid peace. I always felt I committed my all 
 to Jesus, and I lived on his faithfulness. As I observed before, 
 anger seemed in my soul to know its place no more. Neither 
 did I iind an attachment to any creature, or thing, but such as 
 reflected from the will of God. Such a sense of purity dwelt 
 on my soul, as I can hardly describe. I often felt the power 
 of those words, Unto the pure, all things are pure. I some- 
 times thought I should not care if my breast was as a window, 
 and if every thought was without a covering to man as it was 
 to God. A little degree of heavenly wisdom was also let down 
 into my heart. Being fixed on a solid rock, I was not so easily 
 shaken ; and those words were powerfully applied, " Thou 
 shalt not be afraid for any evil tidings, for thy heart standeth 
 fast, believing in the Lord." But above all, I felt such a sim- 
 plicity, such a hanging on the Lord Jesus, that self seemed 
 annihilated, and Jesus was my all. The nothing into which I 
 felt myself sunk, and the great salvation I seemed to possess 
 in Jesus, were such as I cannot explain. I used often to say, 
 It appears to me that unbelief cannot find a place in my soul 
 to set its foot upon. And indeed it could not ; for slavish fear 
 seemed quite cast out. I could say, " I live not, but Christ 
 liveth in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live 
 by faith in the Son of God." I was truly nothing, and all my 
 salvation came through faith in the Son of God. He was my 
 soul's delight ; and I felt if I could have been saved any other 
 way, I would not have accepted it. O how often was that 
 word in my mouth and heart ! 
 
 " Having done all, by faith I stand, 
 
 And give the praise, O Lord, to thee; 
 Thy holy arm, thy own right hand. 
 Hath got thyself the victory. "t 
 
 * His strength lay in applying the law to a conscience so tender. ED. 
 t Who can deny this great salvation without denying the truth and power of 
 God 7 But Oh ! how few seek it ! ED.
 
 32 THE LIFE OF [PART r. 
 
 All this time the Lord kept me, as to outward things^ like an 
 infant in its mother's amis. I put in practice my first' resolu- 
 tion, and had no other thought but of devoting myself to God 
 in a single life : only I remember I sometimes thought, were I 
 to be married to Mr. Fletcher,* would he not be rather a help, 
 than a hinderance to my soul 1 But it was only a thought, and 
 had arisen from what some friends said to me on the subject. 
 
 As I desired to be the Lord's, and to spend all I had to his 
 "[lory, I sometimes carried this desire too far, and did not allow 
 myself quite what was needful. My exercises were greater 
 than I had been used to, and I was seized with a complaint in 
 my bowels. I thought if I had some spice boiled in water, and 
 port wine with it, it would help me, but I was unwilling to 
 get it. However my heavenly Father took care for that. He 
 knows what we have need of before we ask ; for at that very 
 time a relation called, and brought me a quantity of spice as a 
 present ; and the very next day my father called in his chariot, 
 and brought me a hamper of port wine, neither of them know- 
 ing any thing of my wants ! I therefore received it as imme- 
 diately from the Lord. And I could give a variety of instances 
 of the same nature. It seemed I could hardly think of a thing, 
 but it was brought to me. O how true is that promise, "What 
 is given up for God, shall be restored manifold in this present 
 life." Before the Lord made me to wander from my father's 
 house, a particular person used to upbraid me with that reflec- 
 tion, " You will soori find the difference between your father's . 
 house and such poking holes as you will live in. There you 
 will not have one inch but the common street : whereas you 
 have beertnised to large and fine gardens, in which you much 
 delighted. And how tired you will be of such trash as you pro- 
 vide, instead of the plentiful provision of his table. Before you 
 have lived so for six months, I will engage you will wish your- 
 self back again, and your religion out of the way." 
 
 But was it so 7 O Lord, thou knowest ! " Thou didst feed 
 me as with the finest wheat flour, and with water out of the 
 stony rock didst thou satisfy me." All I could want, all I could 
 desire, was bountifully supplied. When I have sometimes been 
 reflecting on my situation, inward and outward, I have remem- 
 bered that, word, The meek shall inherit the earth. Glory be 
 to thee, O Lord, thou hast meekened my spirit, and thou makest 
 me to possess all things. Often I have said, in amazement, 
 What can I fear ] I have no desire : the will of God swallows 
 up all ! My Jesus and my all ! my Jesus and my all for ever ! 
 
 * At that time Mr. Wesley's assistant in London.
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 33 
 
 PART THE SECOND. 
 
 HER REMOVAL TO LAYTON8TONE. 
 
 I EXPERIENCED daily more and more of the tender care of 
 the Almighty ; and often felt these words with power : 
 
 " No fondest parent's anxious breast 
 Yearns like thy God's to make thee blest." 
 
 Every want was supplied before I could ask it ; nay, many 
 times before I was conscious of the want. My maid wae but 
 dull and ignorant, though a good girl ; and I knew little more 
 of the world than she did, having been used to so different a 
 way of life. My health, and many concerns, needed a care I 
 did not know how to take. But if at any time such an idea 
 would offer to my mind, I checked it in a moment with that 
 thought, I have the Gospel : I have freedom to serve God : 1 
 have spiritual blessings. What more can I need ? And truly 
 1 rather saw than felt my wants. Nevertheless, now and then 
 1 have said, Would not a steady faithful friend be a great ad- 
 vantage to me"? One who could lead me into a deeper acquaint- 
 ance with God ? But I sought it not : all my cares on him 
 were cast, and in his will I found my resting place, and in quiet- 
 ness and confidence was my strength. 
 
 At this juncture I received a letter from Mrs. Ryan, inform- 
 ing me she was coming up to London. She had left Bristol 
 Room some time before, her health not permitting he'r to con- 
 tinue in that place. She informed me she was settled in a 
 lodging, but she saw it her duty to come up to London a few 
 months for my sake ; " for I reap (said she) of your substance, 
 and so do many ; but the Lord shows me that at present you 
 suffer for the want of a friend, (referring to what I had written 
 to her,) and I think he has ripened and confirmed that solid 
 spark of friendship, which was so long ago kindled in our 
 breasts toward each other. It seems to me as if the Lord had 
 laid your burden on me, as he once committed the care of 
 Mary to Joseph, and afterward to the favourite disciple." She 
 concluded : 
 
 <: Jesus, to thy preserving care, 
 
 My choicest blessing I commend ; 
 Receive, and on thy bosom bear 
 
 The soul whom thou hast made my friend." 
 
 I spread my friend's letter before the Lord, and praised him for 
 laying my burden on the heart of one whom I knew to be a 
 favourite of Heaven. I answered, that I should be very glau to 
 see her. She had not been long at her sister's before she was 
 seized with a violent disorder, which we thought would end in 
 death. I visited her often, and with much profit. Mrs. M,
 
 34 THE LIFE OF [PART il. 
 
 being taken ill also, and only one servant to attend them both, 
 I believed it my duty to be with her night and day ; and the 
 Lord gave me such strength and ability for it, as I had never 
 found before. I felt his peculiar smile on my employment, and 
 those words which had formerly made such an impression on 
 my mind, were now continually before me : 
 
 " O that my Lord would count me meet 
 To wash his dear disciples' feet : 
 After my lowly Lord to go. 
 And wait upon his saints Mow : 
 Enjoy the grace to angels given, 
 And serve the royal heirs of heaven." 
 
 As she slept little, we conversed much ; and our hearts were 
 united as David's and Jonathan's. The spirit of community 
 which reigned in the church at Jerusalem, I felt a taste of; and 
 from that time to her death, the cold words of mine and thine 
 were never known between us. A circumstance which now 
 occurred unexpectedly constrained her to remove. I took her 
 home with me, but not till I had inquired of the Lord, well 
 knowing how much the progress of the divine life depends on 
 our private connections. Unless much caution is used between 
 persons living together, they are often a great hinderance to 
 each other. 
 
 After a time the Lord was pleased to restore her to health ; 
 and having one heart, one mind, and one purse, we agreed that 
 one habitation also would be most profitable. The Lord had 
 given us to feel that union which even death itself could not 
 dissolve. I have often thought on those words of Solomon, " A 
 faithful friend is the medicine of life ; and he that fears the 
 Lord shall find him." Some however objected : " Your income 
 is 'as yet but small ; you wish to be useful ; why then did you 
 not choose, as a friend, one who had some fortune to unite 
 with your own, and that might have enlarged your sphere." I 
 answered, I did not choose at all. I stood still, saw, and fol- 
 lowed the order of God. And if my means had been enlarged 
 in money > and lessened in grace, what should I have gained by 
 that 1 I acknowledge I neither gained honour, gold, nor indulg- 
 ence to the flesh, by uniting myself to a sickly persecuted saint ; 
 but I gained such a spiritual helper as I shall eternally praise 
 God for. Many are the advocates of friendship. Many will 
 say, with Dr. Young, 
 
 " Poor is the friendless master of a world. 
 A world in purchase for a friend is gain." 
 
 But they refuse the sacrifice demanded by that friendship, and 
 forget the following lines : 
 
 " But for whom blossoms this elysian flower'! 
 Can gold gain friendship'! Impudence of hope ! 
 As well mere man an angel might beget
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 36 
 
 Love, and love only, is the iv. n for love. 
 Delusive pride repress, 
 Nor hope to find a friend, but who hath found 
 A friend in thee." 
 
 We continued together at Hoxton some time. When 1 was 
 about twenty-three, the people of Laytonstone were much laid 
 on my mind. I had both my birth and maintenance from that 
 place, and I could not help thinking I owed something to their 
 souls. Yet I saw the way very difficult. My parents permit- 
 ted me to be often with them, and seemed pretty well recon- 
 ciled to my manner of life, while at a distance. But how, 
 thought I, will it appear in their eyes, to bring the preachers 
 they so much object to, within a mile of their house ? I thought 
 I should not now be called to offend them any farther. Cannot 
 the Lord, if he sees good, send the Gospel to those people some 
 other way ? Thus I put it from my mind again and again ; yet 
 a strange love for those souls in that place would spring up in 
 my heart ; and when I said, Lord, send by whom thou wilt 
 send, but not by me ! those words again presented themselves, 
 " He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy 
 of me." 
 
 About this time a house of my own at Laytonstone became 
 untenanted. My friend as well as myself saw many reasons 
 for our removing to that place. We prayed much about it, and 
 I asked the Lord to show us clearly his will ; and at length felt 
 from the Lord, first, a liberty to believe, that if my father did 
 absolutely forbid my coming, I was not required to do it. Se- 
 condly, I knew God did not require impossibilities : I had not 
 yet an income sufficient for living ia that place. I asked, there- 
 fore, as a farther mark, the settling an affair, which kept me 
 out of part of my fortune, occasioned by a flaw in the making- 
 of my grandmother's will I had taken some pains about this 
 affair before, but to no purpose. However, I slightly mention- 
 ed it again, and it was settled directly. Then I made known 
 to my father my thought about living at Laytonstone. I used 
 no deception ; but told him plainly the end I proposed in so 
 doing, my mother being present. He made not the least ob- 
 jection, only added with a smile, " If a mob should pull your 
 house about your ears, I cannot hinder them." We waited 
 before the Lord, believing it was his call, and held ourselves in 
 readiness for immediate obedience. One night I dreamed 1 
 was in one of my houses there, in company with all kinds of 
 people, rich and poor, mbst of whom appeared very ungodly. 
 It was strongly impressed on my mind to speak to them, but 1 
 started from the thought, md said, with emotion, I/ord, what 
 do I here among this people ; for they are not thy people, and 
 what am I to do with them ? I then beheld the Lord Jesus 
 eland as just before me. The awful majesty of his presence
 
 36 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 had such an effect on me a I cannot express ! It seemed to 
 me I sunk down before him as if I were sweetly melting into 
 nothing. I saw no shining brightness, or any thing dazzling 
 to the eye. He appeared only as a man clothed in white ; yet 
 to my mind there was what I cannot put into words. It was a 
 sense of his purity ! It was the glory of holiness which so 
 overcame me ! There seemed but about one yard distance be- 
 tween my Saviour and me when he spake with a voice clear 
 and distinct these words : " I will send thee to a people that 
 are not a people, and I will go with thee. Bring them unto 
 me, for I will lay my hand upon them and heal them. Fear 
 not, only believe !" 
 
 I When the immediate presence of my Lord was withdrawn, 
 I thought that I repeated with tears to the people, what he had 
 spoken to me. Many mocked and derided ; but a few express- 
 ed a desire of being separated from the others to hear the word. 
 I endeavoured to find a place to meet them in, and in order to 
 do so, I was constrained to walk over a piece of building, where 
 the floor did not seem thicker than a wafer. When I had pass- 
 ed it, I looked back, and said, Not a splinter has given way 
 under my feet. Turning my face toward the lane, I saw a 
 funeral, and awaked with that word powerfully applied, The 
 mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. I found myself in a sweet 
 delightful peace. Soul and body seemed all attracted into a 
 divine harmony. When sufficiently come to myself to speak, 
 I told sister Ryan, (who slept with me,) all that had passed. 
 She replied : " This night, both sleeping and waking, I have 
 been much occupied with these words : / will go before you, 
 and humble the great ones of the earth." 
 
 This was in the year sixty-three. On March the 34th, the 
 same year, we removed to Laytonstone. From the first hour 
 we found much of the presence of God ; and stood still to see 
 his salvation. In order to supply the want of public means, 
 (which we could not have but when \ve went to London,) we 
 agreed to spend an hour every night together in spiritual read- 
 ing and prayer. A poor woman, with whom I had formerly 
 talked, came to ask if she might come in when we made prayer ? 
 We told her, at seven every Thursday night she should be wel- 
 come. She soon brought two or three more, and they others, 
 till in a short time our little company increased to twenty-five. 
 One night, just before the time of meeting, a poor woman call- 
 ed with a basket of cakes to sell. On our refusing to buy any, 
 she stood still a long time at the gate. We began to converse 
 with her about her soul, when she expressed a great desire to 
 stay to the meeting ; and in so doing was so greatly blessed, 
 that she would fain have left us part of her goods in return. 
 We now thought it would be well to converse with each in par- 
 ticular, and that the time was come for it. Some few were
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 37 
 
 offended, and came no more ; but most appeared under convic- 
 tion, and those we appointed to meet on Tuesday night, re- 
 serving the Thursday for the public meeting, which still kept 
 increasing, and in which we read a chapter, and sometimes 
 spoke from it. 
 
 The first time we met on Tuesday night two were set at 
 liberty. We now thought it expedient to apply to Mr. Wes- 
 ley for a preacher. He approved our plan, and sent Mr. Murlin 
 the next Sunday ; and within a fortnight we had twenty-five 
 Coined in society. Much opposition now arose from all sides, 
 (though more from the rich than the poor,) and one Thursday 
 night, as I was speaking to a pretty large company in my own 
 kitchen, the bell at the fore gate was rung very hard. Our 
 servant, who was a pious woman, went to see who was there. 
 In the meantime, four shabby looking men, with great sticks 
 in their hands, came in at the back door, and so into the kitchen. 
 The servant soon returned with some emotion, and whispered 
 me : " It is Mr. W. who is come to inform you, you must if 
 you please break off, for here is a great mob coming ; and the 
 ringleaders are four men with clubs." Turning to the people, 
 I answered her aloud, " O, we do not mind mobs, when we are 
 about our Master's business." Greater is he that is for us, 
 than all that can be against us. I then went on till I had 
 concluded my subject. Having a .few of the rules of the society 
 which I intended to disperse that night, 1 addressed myself 
 rirst to the four men, who stood before me, explaining what 
 they were, and asked if they would choose to accept one 1 They 
 received them with a respectful bow, and went out. Who they 
 were, and what was their purpose, I know not to this day. We 
 heard no more of the mob. At this time the hand of the Lord 
 was much with us, supporting and comforting us under every 
 trial. There was only my friend Ryan, myself, the maid, and 
 Sally Lawrence, a child about four years old, whom I had just 
 before taken from the side of her mother's coffin into our house 
 On one side it was open to the forest, and I know not that one 
 of the awakened people lived within a mile of us. We were 
 as on a desert alone ; but the Lord was with us, and preserved 
 us beneath his love's almighty .shade. The enemy came, how- 
 ever, to the length of his chain. Sometimes on Sundays, when 
 the nights were dark, after the society meeting, a mob used to 
 collect at the gate, and throw dirt at the people as they went 
 out ; and when they were gone, they used to come into the 
 yard, break some trifles they found there, and putting up their 
 faces to a window which had no shutters, roar and howl like 
 wild beasts. 
 
 And now another dispensation was opening before us. From 
 the time I was seventeen, some drawing toward the care of 
 children had dwelt on my mind. I felt the same desire now as 
 4
 
 38 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 at that time, to become in every sense a servant to the church. 
 Those words were still with me : " If she have lodged strang- 
 ers : if she have brought up children ; if she have relieved the 
 afflicted ; and diligently followed after every good work." Yet 
 I was truly sensible no work was good but as being done in the 
 will and order of God. \Ve therefore entreated the Lord to 
 discover to us all his sacred will from day to day, and not suf- 
 fer us in any degree to err therefrom. 
 
 Various leadings of Providence, both inward and outward, 
 drew us to think of the rising generation with more than com- 
 mon tenderness. Our abilities were small ; yet perhaps a few 
 children we could educate, without interrupting the order of 
 God in our call toward the grown people. We determined, 
 however, to take none but destitute orphans, that no one might 
 interrupt our plan of education. We were not unconscious, 
 that to change the heart belongs to God, but at the same time 
 we remembered, there was a blessing promised to " the train- 
 ing up a child in the way it should go," and that a degree of 
 knowledge, with a capacity of getting their bread in an honest 
 way, has, under God, rescued many from destruction. Some 
 such objects now presented themselves, and we received them, 
 one after another, in the name of the Lord. We however re- 
 fused many, taking only those concerning whom there appear- 
 ed a particular call of Providence. 
 
 For a good while, our family consisted of one servant, six 
 orphans, and ourselves ; but we found it took up too much of 
 our time to have the whole care of them alone ; especially as 
 my friend Ryan was often confined by illness. We therefore 
 took a pious young woman, named Ann Tripp, who desired to 
 devote herself to God, in a closer walk than the generality of 
 believers. She was placed as governess over the children, 
 whose number continued to increase. Some serious women 
 also were added to our household, and each had their duties 
 and employments assigned them. In the whole we received 
 thirty-five children, and thirty-four grown persons, but not all 
 at one time. 
 
 We now found work enough on our hands, and wished to 
 ,free ourselves from all needless cares. As well, therefore, to 
 answer that end, as to avoid conformity to the world, we thought 
 5t best to have but one dress. We fixed on a dark purple cot- 
 ton, of which we had many pieces stamped ; and ourselves with 
 the whole family wore nothing else. We had a large hall, and 
 in it a table five yards long, at which we ate together. There 
 also we assembled for morning and evening devotion, and on 
 several other occasions. But in general, the children were in 
 the nursery, and the other sisters in, their own apartments. 
 
 When my family began thus to increase, I must acknow- 
 ledge, it was by no means proportionate to my income, but it
 
 PART I!.] MRS. FLETCHER. 39 
 
 appeared to me I had a peculiar call from the Lord to take the 
 steps I did ; and we began with a degree of the same spirit 
 which is expressed in a book entitled, "The Footsteps of 
 Divine Providence ;" giving an account of the orphan house at 
 Halle, in Germany, raised by Professor Francke. 
 
 This plan I would advise none to follow, unless they felt 
 what I did ; for certainly justice goes before charity ; and there 
 is very seldom a real call from God to give more than we have. 
 But it must be observed, though my income was inadequate to 
 the undertaking, I had a considerable capital. So that I was 
 not at present in danger of debt. The risk I ran was, of spend- 
 ing my capital, and being left without a maintenance. But the 
 Lord seemed to assure me I should not thus be deserted, and 
 that by many and various ways. 
 
 We now set ourselves to inquire of the Lord, how we should 
 train up these children to his glory : and a few out of many 
 reflections which occurred to my mind, I will endeavour to set 
 down. But I must observe, first, as most of our children were 
 naked, full of vermin, and some afflicted with distempers, the 
 first thing was to clean and clothe them, and attend to their 
 health ; which usually was followed with much success. At 
 the same time, we endeavoured to bring them to an outward 
 conformity of manners to the rules of the house, and to some 
 courtesy of behaviour. This was not difficult, as a child natu- 
 rally falls in with what it sees in others. The second attempt 
 was, to fix on their minds that we had no motives in receiving 
 them into our house, but that of love ; love to their souls and 
 bodies. We wished to save their bodies from misery, and their 
 souls from eternal destruction. 
 
 With respect to the strangers, we endeavoured to lead them 
 to a view of the love of God, observing it was his love \yhich 
 caused ours. He put it into our heart, be brought them in our 
 way, and from his hand came their every blessing. That the 
 end of the Lord in bringing them into our house, was to learn 
 that great truth, that they should never die. Their bodies must 
 die, and rest in the grave ; but they themselves would be for 
 ever alive, and hear, see, think, and know ; feel pleasure, or 
 pain, and that for ever. We inculcated that the end of their 
 learning this lesson was to make them happy, and prevent their 
 being miserable, since in a very short space of time they must 
 enter into the one or the other state, and that to all eternity. 
 
 We continually impressed on the minds of the children, that 
 the only way to bt< happy was to be like God ; to love what he 
 loved, and to hate what lie hated ; but that was not their pre- 
 sent state. They were now like the devil, and loved what he 
 ioved. If they were injured, they loved to revenge, and could 
 hardly forget the offence any one offered them. When ingry, 
 they would cry and sob, and be almost choked ; but when did
 
 40 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 they find themselves so affected in thinking about thf Lrrd 
 Jesus ? Did his love and sufferings come again and agaii, to 
 their mind, so that they could not forget them 1 And when did 
 they cry and sob, because they had sinned against so good a 
 God? It was plain, therefore, they were as yet the devil's 
 children, and their minds and affections obeyed him only. We 
 therefore declared, that whenever we saw these marks of the 
 devil's power on their hearts, we would tell them of it ; but if 
 they would still obey him rather than God, we would then add 
 unto our words correction ; making them feel pain, that the 
 impression might be strong, and more lasting ; and that they 
 must never resent nor resist those corrections, for it was more 
 painful for us to give, than it could be for them to receive them. 
 But seeing it was for their profit, and our duty to do it, they 
 must take each correction not only with patience, but thank- 
 fulness ; for we should make it a point of conscience, never to 
 correct, or even to contradict them, but with consideration and 
 prayer, having always that lesson before our eyes, 
 
 " That mercy I to others show, 
 That mercy show tome." 
 
 Nor were these observations altogether without fruit ; for I do 
 not remember one child I ever had, that if we ordered her to 
 receive correction by the rod, (which was not often,) would not 
 lie down in silence as a lamb, and afterward, yea, immediately 
 after, come and kiss us. We observed, that all our instructions 
 would avail them nothing, unless their hearts were changed ; 
 and that none but Jesus Christ could do that ; but he was ready 
 and willing, and assuredly would do it, if they cried to him 
 for it. 
 
 From the above hints, various occasions presented to point 
 out the nature of salvation through Christ alone, and the ne- 
 cessity of a renewed nature, in order to be capable of the 
 enjoyment of heaven. 
 
 One day, a little beggar girl, whom, we had taken in about a. 
 week before, showed some of the vicious dispositions which 
 had been nursed up in her by evil company. On repetition, she 
 received correction. When the children were alone, (as they 
 thought,) she began to complain of her hard fate, saying, " If 
 they love us, why do they whip us 1" A little one about six 
 years old replied, " Why, it is because they love us, and it is 
 to make us remember what a sad thing sin is ; and God would 
 be angry with them if they did not do so. Do you not remem- 
 ber the chapter my mistress read about Eli !" Indeed I had 
 various proofs that it is not so hard a thing to convince the 
 judgment of children as some may think ; and a right judgment, 
 is a good step toward right affections. 
 
 As we-mtended them to work for their bread, either as serv- 
 ants or in little trades, we endeavoured as early as possible ts
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 41 
 
 iriire them to labour, early rising, and cleanliness. The eldest 
 of the children arose between four and five, the younger not 
 much later. At half an hour after six we had family prayer. 
 At sgven, we breakfasted together on herb tea, or milk por- 
 ridge. The small children then went into the garden till eight. 
 At eight the bell rang for school, which continued till twelve. 
 Then, after a few minutes spent in prayer, they came down to 
 us ; at which time we either walked out with them, or, if the 
 weather did not permit, we found them sonre employment in 
 the house, endeavouring at the same time to give them both 
 instruction and recreation. We invented various employments 
 for those hours, in order to remove the appearance of idleness, 
 as from the first we endeavoured to impress that lesson on their 
 minds : " An idle person is the devil's cushion, on which he 
 rolls ajt pleasure." Likewise, that in the choice of their em- 
 ployments, they should always prefer those that were most 
 useful, and be always able to render a reason for every thing 
 they did. At one we dined ; about two the bell rang again for 
 school, and at five they returned to us, and were employed as 
 before till supper time. Then, after family prayer, they were 
 washed, and put to bed by eight. 'Four or five of the bigger girls 
 were each week kept out of the school by turns, and employ- 
 ed in housework, cooking, &c, that they might be accustomed 
 to every sort of business ; and there was work enough in so 
 large a family. Several of the children were very young, 
 though I do not remember we had any under two years, except 
 one of about a month old, which was laid, very neatly dressed, 
 one night late at our door ; but it lived only a fortnight, being 
 full of humours, too probably derived from its parents. 
 
 We now found a great need of wisdom and patience. We 
 had, I think, never more than ten grown persons in the family 
 :it one time, who were not invalids ; nor do I ever remember 
 above five or six altogether in health. The children, also, for 
 i li first few years, laboured under various disorders ; for we 
 d'd not refuse either old or young on account of being sick and 
 helpless : in the end all recovered who came in infirm. We 
 .sometimes had much to do, for the care of the sick, the ma- 
 'nt of eighteen or twenty children, with various meetings, 
 and the needful attention to the work of God in a new raised 
 society ; with the reception of the number of strangers who 
 visited us on spiritual accounts, occasioned those of us, who 
 had the work of God at heart, a good deal of labour and suffering. 
 
 Various reproaches now began to roll upon us. It was 
 
 reported that we intended to bring up these children for nuns ; 
 
 that we were too rigid and exact to our own rules. Jj>ome 
 
 objected, it is all carnal wisdom ; you cannot change their 
 
 . mid education will only make them more guilty .before 
 
 Others, that we were idle and buried ourselves alive, 
 
 4*
 
 42 THE LIFE OF [PART U. 
 
 because we did not live at London. But the reproach that 
 came the nearest to me was this, She talks of the poverty of 
 the holy Jesus, (alluding to a little book I had printed,) let us 
 see her work at a trade as he did, and that would make her 
 fortune go farther. Would any one with such a capital live 
 only on the interest, when by trade they might double it every 
 year ? Several came and talked with me on the subject ; say- 
 ing, If you do not go into some business, you will be brought 
 to the parish in your old age. I replied, I understand no busi- 
 ness ; and I fear to lose what I have, instead of increasing it. 
 They replied again, Then ask light of them who do under- 
 stand it. Take some partner ; let such have the care, and 
 you find the money. I was wearied with letters and disputes 
 on this head. However, I laid it before the Lord ; and felt I 
 was willing, if it would glorify him, to sweep the kennels. It 
 may seem strange why any thus interfered in our affairs ; but 
 our undertaking was new, and quite out of the common way. 
 This drew all sorts of company, of various sects and denomi- 
 nations. Some loved me, and wished to bring me over to what 
 they thought the better way. Others were moved by curiosity ; 
 some by the love of dispute, "others by interest, offering their 
 assistance ; and some, perhaps, by that spirit which the seed 
 of the serpent will always manifest. But another, and perhaps 
 the chief reason was, I believe, the order of a wise and gracious 
 Providence. I was called to walk wholly by faith ; indeed it 
 appeared a strange call, and, humanly speaking, could end no 
 way but in a prison. I was therefore permitted to have every 
 kind of discouragement, and to be brought into many and deep 
 perplexities, that the faithfulness of God might shine more con- 
 spicuous, as will be seen in the sequel. 
 
 But to return to the children. When actual sin was com- 
 mitted at any time, (minor faults were generally overlooked,) 
 it was set down on paper by sister Tripp, and presented in a 
 meeting held every Friday at twelve o'clock. The whole 
 family were called together at that time, and after praying for 
 the light and presence of the Lord, we entered into a consulta- 
 tion how to prevent a relapse into the same crime ; and that 
 the displeasure of the Almighty might be removed, we always 
 endeavoured to make our reasons appear clear before we either 
 acquitted or condemned. Very frequently there appeared a 
 spirit of repentance, so that the exhortation was followed by 
 forgiveness. We then spent some time together in a family 
 meeting, of which I will speak more particularly in another 
 place. 
 
 One day a sweet little child, about seven years old, (who I 
 hope at this time both fears and loves God,) had stolen some- 
 thing. We consulted what must be done to prevent a repetition 
 of her sin. At these times we always adapted our converea-
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 43 
 
 tion to the capacity of the little criminal. One said, I have 
 read in the Bible, that the offending member ought to be cut 
 oft; and cast away. This gave rise to several useful reflec- 
 tions ; after which we agreed there were but three ways, either 
 to cut off the offender from the family, or to pray to God 
 to bring her to repentance, or leave her in her sins. After 
 some conversation with her, the second was agreed on ; and 
 we joined in prayer that the Lord would graciously interpose 
 and save her. The meeting being that day in the evening 
 instead of the usual time, as soon as it was over, they were 
 sent up to be washed in order to go to bed. (This was on 
 June the 7th, 1764.) Betty Lawrence, about eleven years old, 
 had been much affected while we were talking to H. O., the 
 child above mentioned. She had shown some concern a few 
 days before, when I was speaking of the spirituality of the 
 commandments. The children being alone, and not knowing 
 they were overheard, Betty said, " Let us pray for Hannah's 
 soul!"- She then prayed in a very affecting manner. After- 
 ward, one about eight years old pleaded much for the forgive- 
 ness of Hannah's sin ; but added, Lord, do not let us think so 
 much about her sin as to forget our own. Lord, do not let us 
 laugh and trifle, and talk of foolish things as soon as we rise 
 off our knees ; but make us Christians. Another then thanked 
 God for their good corrections and teachings, and said, If we 
 are not Christians, we shall be more punished than others. 
 After some time sister Tripp went in to see them to bed ; but 
 first went to prayer with them for a few minutes. The spirit 
 of conviction now fell on Betty Lawrence in an extraordinary 
 manner. We came up, and found her in a great agony ; she 
 was the very picture of terror. The veins of her neck were as 
 if they would burst. She wrung her hands, and cried with a 
 bitter cry, O my sins ! O my sins ! I believe more than a hun- 
 dred times. She then broke out into such a confession of her 
 original corruption and actual sins as quite amazed us ; adding, 
 Oh ! I have never done any thing to please thee in all my life. 
 I have broken all thy laws ; I have not kept thy command- 
 ments ; Lord, I have kept the devil's commandments ! May 
 such a wretch come to thee, Lord ? Wilt thou receive me, 
 Lord 1 Wilt thou pardon me 1 Wilt thou make me a Christian 1 
 Tell me, Lord, shall I go to heaven or hell 1 Tell me, Lord, 
 shall I go to heaven or hell "! Wilt thou make me a Christian ? 
 Wilt thou pardon all my sins 1 She then paused awhile, her 
 eyes fixed upward, and her face as in a flame ; then added, but 
 with a softer, voice, Yes, he will, he will ! But wilt thou, Lord * 
 Yes, thou wilt, thou wilt ! Mr. Dornford being that night with 
 us, gave out a hymn ; she now seemed quite calm The horror 
 which before appeared on her countenance was gone, and had 
 left a sweet smile. After remaining some time in this posture,
 
 44 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 she said, Jesus is smiling upon me ! She afterward told us, 
 she had a view as of Christ upon the cross, smiling upon her, 
 and saying, "I have pardoned all your sins, and if you pray, I 
 will give you abundant love." She then broke out, Oh ! what 
 a sweet Saviour lie is ! He hath forgiven me all my sins ! All, 
 all, Lord ! Thou hast, thou wilt forgive them. But, O Lord, 
 let them be perfectly forgiven. But shall I ever sin again ? 
 Shall I ever sin again 1 Oh ! do not let me sin again ! Oh ! 
 what a sweet Saviour thou art ! What sweet love is thine ! 
 Oh ! more such love as thine ! more such love as thine ! But 
 do not let me sin again ! Fill me with love that I may not sin 
 again ! We were the more surprised at this, because she was 
 a child of a remarkably dull apprehension, and had no liberty 
 in expressing herself on any subject. But striking as the scene 
 was, (far more so than I can describe,) it was nothing to the 
 change that followed. She was naturally of a very bad tem- 
 per, but now it might indeed, be said, 
 
 ". Love made her willing feet 
 In swift obedience move." 
 
 So great was the change, in both understanding and will, as 
 plainly declared the hand that had wrought it. 
 
 The Lord was pleased at this season to give his word success, 
 both among the people who attended the preaching, and in the 
 family. But our house was too strait, and needed some en- 
 largement, and a good deal of repairs. It therefore occurred 
 to my mind, as we had so many visitants, to take another step, 
 and put up a poor's box, like Professor Francke, in Germany. 
 But I found some difficulty. I thought my relations will 
 object to it ; and, in short, I found it more easy to give than to 
 receive. But I saw the order of God in the plan, and that was 
 enough. Accordingly, we put it up in the hall, with this 
 inscription, " For the maintenance of a few poor orphans, that 
 they may be brought up in the fear of the Lord." Difficulties 
 now began to gather as clouds about us. Workmen must be 
 paid ; a family far too large for my income to support ; with a 
 variety of expenses in carrying on the work, assisting their 
 poverty, &c. One day it was suggested, Surely I am wrong ; 
 God will not appear for me in this undertaking. I told my 
 mind to, some friends, who said, "This is the very thing we 
 always saw ; you will find in the end it is all a delusion. In 
 two or three years you will turn out all these people and chil- 
 dren to the wide world ; and in your old age you will be with- 
 out the necessaries of life." I heard them with attention, and 
 only replied, " If it be a delusion, I meant well, believing it to 
 be the will of God." 
 
 I carried it to the Lord in prayer, when the following thought s 
 were impressed on my mind : If Christ was now upon earth, 
 and in' want of food and raiment, should I be afraid to give him
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 45 
 
 mine, for fear of wanting it myself? Should I not rather say, 
 Let all I have be brought out as a sacrifice to my Lord ; he is 
 well able to repay me ; and if he do not see it best to do so, 
 then let us suffer together. I saw the case with the poor was 
 the same, (as far as he had called me to help them,) and that 
 my Lord had said, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto them, ye 
 have done it unto me ! Here a light broke into my mind, 
 which quite satisfied me, and dispeUed every cloud. I cried 
 out, " Lord, thy will is enough ! Thou hast bid me love my 
 neighbour as myself; be it so. Their wants be mine ; my 
 substance theirs." Rising from my knees, I took up the Bible, 
 when opening on Job, chap, xxii, verse 23, I found from that 
 verse to the end of the chapter, several parts come as a mes- 
 sage from Heaven. " If thou return to the Almighty, thou 
 shalt be built up, thou shall put away iniquity far from thy 
 tabernacles. Then shalt thou lay up gold as the dust, and the 
 gold of Ophir as the stones of the brook. Yea, the Almighty 
 shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. Thou 
 shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee ; and 
 the light shall shine on thy path." These words were wrote 
 as with a diamond pen upon my heart ; and in all my trials I 
 could never give up the confidence I then received, that I should 
 one day see them accomplished. 
 
 Sister Ryan one day said to me, " We shall have such a sum 
 to pay on Saturday night. Had we not better borrow it of such 
 a friend, till your half year comes in V We attempted so to 
 do, but were disappointed. Being on my knees at prayer, I 
 opened a book before me on the table, and cast my eyes on. 
 these words, " Christ charges himself with all your temporal 
 affairs, while you charge yourself with those which relate to 
 iiis glory." I closed my eyes, and continued praying ; when 
 to the eye of my mind, it seemed as if the Lord Jesus stood just 
 by me, and spoke again those words to my heart, with such a 
 power as wiped away every care. Before I got off my knees, 
 I was called down to speak to a man, who asked for me ; and 
 who, through a providence too long to repeat, brought me just 
 the sum I wanted. 
 
 The box began now to be helpful to us ; and this year, in the 
 midst of our great expenses, an uncle gave me two hundred 
 and fifty guineas. Once, on opening the box, we found a guinea 
 wrapt up in a letter ; its contents were as follows : 
 
 " MY DEAR CHILD, With much pleasure I have heard of 
 your charitable undertaking, which I pray God to bless and to 
 succeed. Be never discouraged, though Divine providence 
 should exercise you at times, even with many great and alarm- 
 ing difficulties ; for this is frequently the way in which God 
 leads his children, in order to prove their faith and patience. 
 But even suoposing he should not succeed this affair, accord-
 
 46 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 ing- to your present plan, yet he will never fail to bless those 
 who sincerely endeavour to promote his honour, the kingdom 
 of the Lord Jesue, and the good of souls. I desire you will 
 accept the enclosed, and that you would set me down an annual 
 contributor of the same sum. May the Lord Jesus Christ be 
 with all of us ! Forget us not in your prayers. 
 " I am, with respect and regard, 
 
 " Your very affectionate friend, 
 
 "V. P." 
 
 In another paper was a guinea enclosed, with these words : 
 *' I have felt your burden, and should be thankful you had more 
 help. But perhaps it is the will of God concerning you, to 
 give you day by day your daily bread. I pray him to be with 
 you." 
 
 Indeed we daily experienced many mercies. We had a 
 household as a flock of sheep. Sometimes when we were 
 sitting down to table, that word would come sweetly to our 
 minds : 
 
 " Part of his family are we, 
 His family of love." 
 
 But above all other temporal goods, I saw the blessing of my 
 friend Ryan.,, It would have been impossible for me to have 
 acted this part alone ; I had neither grace nor ability for it ; 
 but the Lord gave her to me as a mother. In all the active 
 part of this undertaking, she was the main spring. It is true, 
 the light in forming the plans was given to me ; but had it not 
 been for her resolution and diligence, they would never have 
 been brought into execution. Notwithstanding her ill health, 
 it is amazing what she went through, both in overlooking and 
 working with her own hands. She was truly devoted to God ; 
 and though I saw her at that time as a most precious gift of 
 Heaven to me, I was not sufficiently sensible of her inesti- 
 mable worth. 
 
 About this time a young lady, with whom I had been 
 acquainted, came to board with us. After residing about half 
 a year, she had a great desire to make a new will, in order to 
 leave me a large stun of money ; and asked me to recommend 
 a lawyer to do it, as we then intended to visit Bath. I told her, 
 I could not see it right that she should do so, as she was at a 
 distance from her relations ; had not sufficiently proved us ; 
 and might afterward change her mind. But my strongest 
 Objection was, she had told me that in her present will she had 
 left the bulk of her estate (which was large) to charitable Uses ; 
 ftnd I had no desire to monopolize the riches of another^since 
 my gracious Lord had given me a ready mind to part with ali 
 that was my own. She had two children under her care, whom 
 she desired should be brought into our house ; we accordingly 
 raqeived them. Several other expenses we entered into on her
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 47 
 
 account ; and she wrote a codicil to her will, leaving me two 
 thousand pounds, adding, if she lived to return to her father the 
 following spring, she should do much more. I freely consented 
 to the codicil, as I then thought it but reasonable, my expenses 
 on her account being considerable. But in October, 1766, she 
 grew suddenly very ill, and her death seemed near. The codi- 
 .::! then lay much on odr minds. I thought God's cause may 
 be rwf cached through this ; and what is two thousand pounds, 
 or two Ijundretl thousand, when compared to the honour of my 
 God? Had it been done unknown to me, I should not have 
 .scrupled it. But as I had consented, I thought it would not bo 
 right to let it stand. * Sister Ryan thought the same. We 
 therefore prevail? on her to let us burn it. She was very 
 unwilling, s%ing, " Had I lived to have made my will, I should 
 have given you much more^for I know God is with you." 
 
 She had beA somq| years awakened, and joined to the 
 Methodist society. After she had found the love of God, she 
 walked in the way of self-denial and devotedness to God, ac- 
 cording to 4>er clferest light, for some time ; and was in many 
 things a^triking pattern. Hhe then sunk into a state of con- 
 flict, God revealing the inbred sin of her heart ; and her spirit 
 bang oppressed ht a constant bodily disorder, (supposed to be 
 a polypus in the heart,) she often lost her shield, and was ready 
 to think she had ireyer had any work of God on her soul. About 
 four months befSre her death, Satan assaulted her with many 
 temptations. Sister Ryan advised her to take one hour every 
 day for prayer, whether she should- feel power attend her words 
 or not ; adding, My seul for yours, if you persevere, you shall 
 shortly s^P the salvation of God. She received the word as 
 from the Lord, and began the work in good earnest, but to her 
 own feeling she grew darker and darker. Nevertheless we could 
 discern a change. She grew more open, and told us of some 
 snares which beset her, and which she had even thought of 
 giving way iB, adding, sho saw herself worse and worse, till 
 she was taken with her last illness, which continued but three 
 days. Hr soul seemed then very dark, and greatly did she 
 lament the loss of that assurance she had formerly enjoyed. 
 Yet she was not without hope ; but still cried out, "" O that I 
 had but lived closer to God ! I spe I have not used my privi- 
 leges as, I ought. O what a work have I now to do ! O it is 
 
 . 'trk to do in sickness, it is bad work to do in sick:: 
 Sister Ryan said, " My dear, I have no doubt biK that God wi^I 
 finish his work." " O," replied she, "but I cannot bdi< 
 I do not believe it for myself. O sister Ryan, I have 
 thought in my heart, If I had taken a certain step, to have 
 kid the blame on you ; for I thought, as you are so much under 
 reproach among the halt-hearted, I should be more readiiy 
 <i, and now that stares me in the face." Sometime after
 
 48 THE LIFE OF [PART H. 
 
 she said, " O my soul ! my soul ! I do not know where my soul 
 is going!" Sister Ryan said, "My dear, I believe the Lord 
 will come to your help this night ; I feel such an impression of 
 it, I think I must sit up and wrestle for you all night." She 
 looked at her, and was silent. A few minutes after she cried 
 put, " O what a sweet word is come to me ! I have not had 
 soch a word a long time. When you said you would stay and 
 wrestle for me all night, I found a little comfort, but aqjv it 
 comes, The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avail- 
 eth much. We were greatly affected, and set by her in solemn 
 silent prayer. She appeared to continue in a waiting posture 
 for about half an hour, when she broke out in the following 
 manner, (but with such a sweet and awful reference as I can- 
 not express,) " O now I know I shall be with Christ for ever ! 
 Yes, I shall, I shall come to thee^Lord. I shall be with thee 
 for ever ! O for ever ! for ever ! for evet-! Yes fi shall be with 
 thee for ever !" After recovering her 1 breath little, she 
 addressed herself to the young women who were in the room, 
 exhorting them to know and use their privileges. ^You are," 
 said she, " in a good situation, you' will never be in 19 better. 
 
 my dears, be open, be open ! Cover no temptation, and be 
 all in earnest. I was a fool, and a double fool, that I did not 
 jive closer to God, and use more self-dentil. I see great 
 degrees of glory I have lost." After a little rest, she said, "O ! 
 how good is God ! If I had strength I would write it all. How 
 vile I have been, and what a salvation I now feel !" Then 
 turning to me, she added, " But sister Bosanquet, do it ; and I 
 charge you cover nothing ; in particular my unkind thoughts of 
 sister Ryan.- I charge you, I charge you ! Well," she ad,ded, 
 ' I shall see yoii all in heaven. I trust I shall see, I know I 
 
 shall' see you there. O take courage, my dear, take courage ; 
 do not be cast down at the difficulties of your situation. Fear 
 nobody ; God will stand by you. O he will take care of this 
 family." About ten o'clock at night she said, " I shall be happy ! 
 
 1 know I shall be as happy as I am capable of being ! But I 
 see great degrees of glory I have stopped short of. I O that I 
 had laid up more treasure in heaven !" She then cried out, 
 " O my money ! my cursed money ! what an account shall I 
 have to give of that ! But Jesus has washed away all." This 
 seemed the more strange, as she had from the first been a most 
 liberal giver. But she explained herself to mean, with respect 
 to the choice of objects which she had laid it out upon. She 
 lamented much she had not altered her will, saying, " I vish 
 you had ten or twelve thousand pounds. I know it would glo 
 rify God, and if I were able, I would do it now. But God 1 will 
 take care of you." We left her a few hours in the night, when 
 she said to the sisters who sat up with her, " Give me pen and 
 paper, I eannot die easy, unless I write something of my mir.d
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 49 
 
 concerning sister Bosanquet having the two thousand pounds. 
 She did so, which was a striking instance of her love. This 
 paper I saw it right not to destroy, and informed her relations 
 of it ; but it was not regarded, and we were well contented. 
 About twelve, the next day she seemed to change for death, and 
 appeared just gone. I said, " Is Jesus precious 1" She did not 
 answer. One present observed, " Perhaps she is not sensible." 
 After a few minutes she came to herself, and smiling, said, 
 " Yes, I was sensible ; but just as you spoke, I had a great 
 struggle with Satan ; at last these words were spoke, as if ' 
 through my heart : 
 
 ' Nature's last agony is o'er, 
 And cruel sin subsists no more. 
 
 But yet I do not know that the work is done. But I know it 
 will be done. I am sure God will finish his work. Yes, I think 
 I can believe. Yes, I will hold the Lord to his promise." She 
 continued much the same for six hours, now and then saying, 
 " I know he will finish his work. But I do not know it is done. 
 Yet is there any sin 1 I do not know there is. Sometimes I 
 feel," said she, with a smile, " as if I did not like to leave you 
 all ; is that sin ? I do not know that it is." She added, " When 
 f am dying, if J cannot speak, ask me any question, and if I 
 mean yes, I wul hold up my hand, for I would wish to praise 
 God to the last." In the evening she seemed just departing. 
 One present said, " Is your soul in peace ?" She did not make 
 the sign. I said, "Are you sensible, love?" She held up her 
 hand. Sometime after, we said, "Is all clear now?" She 
 lifted up both her hands above her head. Sister Crosby said, 
 ' The blood of Jesus hath cleansed you from all sin." She 
 lifted-them up again, and smiled with such an expression of 
 joy as I cannot describe. She appeared as in a rapture, and 
 strove much to speak, but we could only understand that word, 
 " He is my only portion." Then throwing herself back, she 
 lifted up her eyes, and spreading her hands with great delight, 
 made many signs upward. I said, " Is glory open before you?" 
 She lifted up her hands pointing with one finger, and strove to 
 speak, but we could only make out the word " Glory ;" but the 
 joy of her countenance was beyond all words, and in this pos- 
 ture she in one moment breathed her last. 
 
 Such a sense of God and glory rested on us, as I cannot 
 describe. For several days it seemed to me as if I was qpn- 
 tinually sensible of the presence of the heavenly spirits ; ^nd 
 1 .Q slender did the veil appear which divides the church militant 
 from that which is triumphant, that I saw myself as surrounded 
 with the innumerable company, and as if I heard them hail the 
 happy saint on her arrival, in these words, which followed me 
 continually :
 
 50 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 Ah! what were all thy sufferings here, 
 
 Since Jesus counts thee meet 
 With that enraptured host t' appear, 
 
 And worship at his feet?* 
 
 Some time after this one of our young women had a desire to 
 take a journey, which we thought would be dangerous to her, 
 and warned her much to beware of the love of the world. 
 Several nights she had had remarkable dreams, warning her to 
 beware that no man took her crown. We told her all our 
 fears ; and in particular to watch against the love of money. 
 She said, " My light is so clear, that if I now do any thing 
 unbecoming my profession, I shall be guilty, and doubly guilty." 
 Sister Ryan said, " I feel I cannot give you up, but I am led to 
 entreat the Lord, if you should be about to depart from him, 
 
 * This glorious scene will be accompanied with some pain to pious reader?, 
 and in some it will excite much curiosity. It will be asked, what were those 
 " snares" that induced so strong a temptation, in such a devoted mind, thus to 
 deviate from truth and love, according to the above agonizing confession. I 
 cannot gratify such inquirers. Mrs. Fletcher thought it her duty to record the fact, 
 and I have thought it my duty to let it appear : but I know no more. One thing 
 is plain : Miss Lewen did not fall into the temptation ; but it is also plain, she did 
 not resist it, steadfast in the faith. Hence her deep sense of her evil nature, 
 in having listened to it for a moment. When heavenly purity shone upon her 
 soul, and that she found that purity was just about to be bestowed upon her for 
 ever, how dreadful appeared the mental deviation ! If we^hay hazard a 'con- 
 jecture, was it not some attachment of a worldly nature, on account of which she 
 was tempted, and felt an answerable inclination, to depart from a commu- 
 nity so strictly evangelical t That thought was, perhaps, presented to her, viz. 
 That that very strictness would excuse her to "the half-hearted;" and that to 
 Mrs. Ryan would be chiefly imputed the rigidity which had forced her from this 
 retreat This was probably the root of that agonizing conviction ; especially 
 when she saw that the person whom she had thought of, as thus to have borne 
 her sin, was ready to risk her own tender life to help her through her last con- 
 flict ! Miss Lewen, however, overcame at last ; and verified Mr. Wesley's ac- 
 count of her. See his Journal : (Works, vol. iv :) " Friday, the 31st October, at 
 my return to London, I found it needful to hasten to Laytonstone. But I came too 
 iate. Miss Lewen died the day before, after an illness of five days. Some hours 
 uetbre she witnessed that good confession, 
 
 ' Nature's last agony is o'er. 
 And cruel sin subsists no more. 1 
 
 So died Margaret Lewen, a pattern to all young women of fortune in Eng- 
 land ; a real Bible Christian. So she rested from her labours, and her works 
 do follow her." 
 
 Mrs. Ryan was, as Mrs. Fletcher has said, "a sickly, persecuted saint" She 
 was poor, (though not destitute,) and hence was more liable to be the butt of the 
 half-hearted. Miss Bosanquet, her twin soul, was a lajly of birth and fortune, 
 nd on that account, rather too Inrge for their grasp. Mrs. Ryan proved the whole 
 of the eight beatitudes, as appears from Mr. Wesley's account of her in the 
 Armixian Magazine, and from his admirable letters to her. (See his Works, voJ.^ 
 i vi.) In one of them he says, " It is expedient for you to go through both evil 
 and good report. The conversing with you either by speaking or writing, is an 
 unspeakable blessing to me. I cannot think of you without thinking of Ortxfe 
 Others often lead me to him, but it is, as it were, going round about. You bring 
 e straight into his preaenee." ED,
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 51 
 
 that he would cut short the thread of your life, and take you 
 to himself, and I believe Jie has heard me." She had not been 
 from us many days, before the golden baits of pleasure and 
 profit began to gain lustre in her eyes, and the little spark of 
 light and life to decline out of her soul: The Lord stept in, 
 Jaid her on the bed of death, and gave her to acknowledge she 
 had left the fountain head of bliss, and stooped to creature 
 happiness. She was very desirous to see us, if it could have 
 been ; but a dear child of God attended her constantly, and 
 wrestled much with God in her behalf. A little before her 
 death she declared, " The Lord hath forgiven me. I shall be 
 saved, but I shall suffer loss." Repeating the name of Jesus, 
 her spirit returned to God, just four weeks from that day on 
 which she left our house.* 
 
 " Oh ! what is death ? : tis life's last shore, 
 Where vanities are vain no more." 
 
 In the beginning of the year 1767, the Lord was pleased to 
 exercise us with some little trials of another kind. Various 
 reproaches were cast upon us. It was confidently affirmed, 1 
 had forced the before-mentioned young lady (Miss Lewen) to 
 make a will when she was dying, and leave me all her estate, 
 and that I had thus wronged her relations. Some religious 
 professors said that I had wronged the poor ; and that I had 
 killed my friend by rigorous mortification : that I had driven 
 her into despair, and caused her to die in darkness : with :i 
 variety of stories as ridiculous as false. The truth is, I had not 
 
 fained one penny by her, but was many pounds out of pocket, 
 fowever, these accounts were so industriously spread, and even 
 to distant parts, that a gentleman from a place about a hundred 
 miles off, told me some years after, he verily believed, had I 
 walked through that town at one time, the mob would have 
 stoned me ! But the Lord is a God of judgment, and by hint 
 actions are weighed. 
 
 A little time before this the Lord was pleased to remove my 
 dear parents. My father had a long and painful illness of three 
 years ; and my mother lived but nine months after. I was now 
 permitted to be a good deal with them. One day my dear 
 horfgured father spoke to me with great tenderness concerning 
 some of my former trials, and expressed much sorrow that my 
 fortune was not left as much in rhy power as that of the other 
 children, saying, " If you desire it, I will alter my will now. 
 But your uncle knows my mind ; and if you marry a man to 
 
 * Was not this extraordinary dispensation an instance of what St. John calb 
 a. ain unto death, a sin \vhi' ; God punishes by the death of the body ? It was 
 not a little thing in his sight, to leave such a house, without a special call of his 
 providence, 'those, however, who form and govern such a house, should beware 
 of any approach to the confinement of the cloister. There was nothing of thai 
 kind here. ED. 

 
 52 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 make you happy, it is all I wish. . I do not care whether he has 
 money or not. But whether you marry or not, you ought to 
 have your fortune as well as the rest. If you desire it I will 
 have it so altered ;" with many more expressions of paternal 
 affection, which, though I do not think it proper to insert them 
 here, will ever have a place in my heart. I begged him to 
 make himself quite easy, and not to attempt the alteration of 
 any thing ; as I saw it must greatly disturb his peace, for seve- 
 ral reasons. I assured him I saw myself safe in the hands of 
 my heavenly Father, and knew I should never want any thing 
 that was for my good ; and that if I was favoured with seeing 
 the salvation of his soul, I had no more to ask : God would take 
 care of me. I was led thus to speak. From what he had said 
 to me, however, I expected to have found in his will far less 
 than he had really given me. 
 
 Immediately after the death of my father, my dear mother 
 entered into her last illness. I found much love to her, and of 
 consequence much pain. She expressed a tender kindness 
 toward me during her illness, and showed her tender care, by 
 augmenting the sum my father had left me. 
 
 During the illness of my dear parents, I suffered much, not 
 only for them, but for my weak friend at home, and the weight 
 of so great a family. Her increasing illness was an unspeak- 
 able exercise to me. She had some time before been brought 
 near to death, but many promises of recovery were then brought 
 to her mind with power ; and after being so reduced as to be 
 given over, she recovered as it were suddenly, and beyond all 
 expectation, and remained in pretty good health for a year. 
 But now she grew daily worse ; and for three years her suffer- 
 ings were great and frequent. I plainly saw she decayed fast, 
 and all my nature shrunk at the thought of being left alone at 
 the head of such an undertaking ; and what added to my trial, 
 we had increased our family with some whose spirit did not suit 
 our house, so that jars and a divided interest sometimes arose, 
 which till very lately we had not known. But the heaviest of 
 all my yokes, was the gallhig yoke of unbelief. I remembered 
 the time when I could say, "Unbelief has not a place in my 
 soul to set its foot upon." But now I had slipped back ^>m 
 that constant act of faith. I had admitted cares and fears,^and 
 by insensible degrees I was sunk again into my own wjll, and 
 the strivings of evil tempers. Indeed, there was a confidence, 
 a degree of union with God, which I never totally losfegieither 
 did his fear depart out of my heart ; yet I had inwardly 0parted 
 from that pure love which I possessed. I had left off to delight 
 myself in God, as heretofore, and accepted of many other things 
 
 * Was this painful state, heaviness through manifold temptations, (I Peter 
 i, 6,) or a real departure from the Lord 7 I believe some things that follow, will 
 incline the serious reader to conclude it was the former. ED.
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 53 
 
 in his place ; so that my trials were greater than I can well 
 describe. 
 
 One day as I was attending my sick friend, almost incon- 
 solable, she said, " My dear, 1 hardly know how to rejoice in 
 the prospect of death, because I see no way for you. I shall 
 leave you in the hands of enemies, but God will stand by you." 
 I said, " My dear love, can you think of any way for me ? It 
 is sometimes presented to my mind, that I should be called to 
 marry Mr. Fletcher."* She replied, " I like him the best of 
 any man, if ever you do take that step. But unless he should 
 be of a very tender disposition toward you, you would not be 
 happy : but God will direct you." It pleased God, however, in 
 a measure to remove her disorder again ; so that for some months 
 she was enabled to act as a leader and a helper among us. 
 
 We were now pretty well settled ; our meetings were quiet 
 and comfortable ; the number of hearers increased, and some 
 of our little flock were gone triumphantly to glory. My income 
 being now larger, I thought a more easy path lay before me ; 
 and I found much attachment to the place. Yet we were 
 sickly, and the house was too small for such a family as ours. 
 We had no land to it, (mine being all let oft' before to the other 
 house,) and not having cows, such a number of children occa- 
 sioned much inconvenience. Frequently I was advised to 
 remove into some part of Yorkshire, and take a farm ; that other- 
 wise it was impossible to bring up the children to every branch 
 of needful business ; and that my income would go as far again 
 in such a situation. I must here observe, though my income 
 was increased, it was still not equal to our expenses, which were 
 great on many accounts : I had also undertaken, in union with 
 the young lady before mentioned, some charitable affairs, which 
 now all fell on me, and many of them I could not throw off for 
 some years. The box did not yield us as much by half as in 
 the first year ; for like the manna in the wilderness, which 
 ceased when the Israelites got corn, so that provision, which 
 
 * The pious readep will not be displeased to see that such an impression was 
 made on such a mind, .preceding the union of that admirable couple. The 
 impression was mutual. In a letter from Mr. Fletcher to Mr. Charles Wesley, 
 (see Mr. Fletcher's Works, vol. vii,) we find the following sentiments: "You 
 ask mft a very singular question, 1 sliitll answer it with a smile, as I supposed 
 you asked it. You might have remarked, that for some days before I set off for 
 Madsley, I considered matrimony witli a ditFerent eye to what I had done ; and 
 the person, who then presented herself to my imagination was Miss Bosanquet. 
 HIT image Jprsued me for some hours the last day, and that so warmly, that I 
 should, perhaps, have lost my peace, if a suspicion of the truth of Juvenal's proverb, 
 Veniunt a dote sigfcte, (The arrows come from the portion, rather than from the 
 lady.) had'not made me blush, fi-jht, and flee to Jesus, who delivered me at the 
 same moment from her image, and tlie ide^of marriage." There will be some 
 regret, perhaps, felt, that a long and suffering time should intervene before that 
 . union. But it was all ordered for the good of both, for an*eternal union, -Jor 
 Hit marriage of the Lamb ! ED. 
 
 5*
 
 54 THE LIFE OF [PART If. 
 
 had been exceedingly useful to us, seemed now to be suspended. 
 Yet I felt very averse to the thought of business ; I feared the 
 armour I had not proved, and thought I should perhaps lose 
 the little maintenance I had, rather than gain more. 
 
 One day, my friend being a little better, and all things at that 
 time pretty comfortable, my own heart being also drawn with 
 an unusual sweetness toward the Lord, I was walking in the 
 garden, when looking round me, it appeared as a paradise. I 
 thought how sweet is my situation ! I dwell among my own 
 people, a few who love me, and whom I love. The family is 
 getting more and more as I could wish ; and as to our circum- 
 stances, I can freely trust my God farther than I can see, so 
 that all my care on him is cast, and here I hope to end my days. 
 Immediately a thought presented itself,* But suppose God 
 should call you from this place ; and there should be yet some 
 bitter cups for you to drink 1 I started at the thought ; but said, 
 Give me power to say, Thy will be done. 
 
 About this time Richard Taylor came from Yorkshire, beiMg 
 driven from thence by misfortunes. He left a wife and young 
 family, and came to London in hopes of settling with his 
 creditors. Sister Crosby (who was now a member of my 
 family) had known him in Yorkshire, and Mr. Dornford and 
 Mr. Murlin recommended him to me, and proposed his staying 
 for a time at our house. He seemed (and I believe he then 
 was) a devoted man. We were much interested in his behalf. 
 When we sa| down to dinner, the thought that his wife and 
 children were in trouble and distress, would often so overwhelm 
 him, he could not take a morsel. He appeared a man of prayer, 
 and one of the excellent of the earth. 
 
 Various circumstances occurred which seemed plainly to call 
 us to seek another habitation, and Yorkshire was the place most 
 likely. Yet such a call did not seem desirable to me. ' My 
 reason se.emed-to point that way; my inclination was to' remain 
 where I then was. One morning, however, as I was reading in 
 my turn to the family, I came to these words, " Come out from 
 thy kindred and thy country, and come into land whicn I/will 
 show thee." I felt myself penetrated with resignation, I felt 
 my strong attachment to the place, as being the plate of my' 
 birth, quite removed, and I seemed free to follow .the Wading of 
 the Spirit of God to any corner of the earth. f 
 
 My friend and I began seriously to consider whether *pur 
 work was not done at Laytonstone : whether. affei^pfodiAg 
 about five years at this place, we were' noj V>w jdjBd^'.to 
 another spot. A physician had told us, if tjierc ^re Myhopes 
 of sister Ryan's recovery, it would be by * journej ciha 'bad 
 
 % '-"v* 1 
 
 * Itis by no means clear that this vas froip fte Lortlr^-EEj,^. i * 
 t Whether thierleading was really of the Spirit of Gg4 or. ovW 
 to him made her more than conqueror *+&* - 
 
 "** * '
 
 PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 55 
 
 unexpectedly recovered at Bath before, and it might be so again. 
 At this time she was very bad. I objected however to the 
 moving her in so weak a condition ; to which she answered, 
 " If the Lord see fit to spare me, probably that is to be the means 
 of raising me up ; and if he has otherwise determined, I should 
 be glad to see you settled first ; for if you are left without me 
 here, I think you will have great difficulty, from several circum- 
 stances ; and probably such an exchange of place and situation 
 would put it in your power to alter and remove those difficulties." 
 
 My relations and Christian friends seemed all to approve, and 
 we believed our way was plain for taking a journey to Leeds, 
 and some adjacent places, in order to judge better whether they 
 were suitable, and whether we could meet with a habitation that 
 would answer our great family. 
 
 Accordingly, on June the seventh, 1768, 1 set out with my 
 friend Ryan, and sister Crosby. Brother Taylor, who was now 
 to return home, accompanied us on horseback.* It may be 
 
 * All those who have read with pious interest, the beginning and progress of 
 the house of God at Laytonstone, must regret its dissolution. Had it been 
 favoured with any successors of the same spirit, we might rejoice that those who 
 had, as the salt of the earth, been the savour of life to that people, were about to 
 season other places. But that was not the case. There were no such successors ; 
 and it is by no means clear, that there was such a call of Divine providence, as 
 was sufficient to justify these chosen instruments in departing from a place so 
 divinely visited, and in dissolving an establishment so owned of the Lord. Mr. 
 Wesley's sentiments concerning that establishment, are very decisive. In his 
 Journal (see his Works, vol. iv,) he says, "Thursday, December 12, 1765, 1 rode 
 over to Laytonstone, and found one truly Christian family. This is what that at 
 Kingswood should be, and would, if it had such governors." Again, (i Thurs- 
 day, February 12, 1767, I preached at Laytonstone. Oh what a house of God 
 is here ! Not only for decency and order, but for the life and power of religion. 
 1 am afraid there avc very few such to be found in all the king's dominions." 
 Ought not the call to be clear, and even imperative, that led to the dissolution ot 
 soch a house'! We have indeed heard the blessed woman wh<} was at the head 
 of it, observing with grief, '"We had increased our establishment with some 
 whose spirit did not suit our house, so that jars and a divided interest arose. 1 ' 
 And could she think the devil had fallen asleep, or that he would not take the old 
 way, that he would not sow tares among the wheatl Such persons should have 
 i.-.issed, after all long-suffering had been manifested. We should add tu 
 { our loving faith, courage, knowing for whom we are to act. As this way, it 
 spans, wpsnot taken, we r;iun. t wonder that the leaven should win its way, and 
 
 cloud pyerspread the once illuminated mansion. In such a dork day, it is no 
 
 IKS and fi'.-trs" should assault her devoted heart, so that she 
 
 liZrdly knerv her own state, and had almost given up her confidence. A in'w 
 
 ' open, of which Mr. Taylor was the harbinger, a way BO entangled 
 
 ::>, that there seemed, at length, hardly any hope of deliver- 
 
 anc^ tin t/iestord knuireth how to deliver the godly out of temptation: 
 
 and 
 
 "Darkly safe with God, thy soul 
 FJjs -arm still onward bears', 
 ,. Till through each tempest, on the whole, 
 j!f 3^gea*.diviiie appears!" 
 
 his'Way<fte'- % b)*seA^esn!t. The Lord turned her captivity, and filled her 
 vutp, tcM laiisUff, and her'ton^ut<Kith praise. ED, 
 
 '""
 
 56 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 
 
 supposed we had a troublesome journey and aching hearts, for 
 my dear sister Ryan was so ill as to be carried in arms in and 
 out of the chaise, and to be watched with every night ; and the 
 bringing down so large a family two hundred miles, was attended 
 with no little difficulty. We went first to Mr. Taylor's wife's 
 parents, where we found a family of serious persons. The old 
 man and woman were patterns of industry and seriousness ; and 
 the wife a person with whom I found much fellowship of spirit. 
 We stayed with them seven weeks, until we could find a house 
 which for the present would suit our purpose, which we at 
 length did at Gildersom, in the West Riding of Yorkshire. 
 
 My dear companion now began to sink daily ; but as the 
 account of her last scene is included in her life, I will not enter 
 into any particulars of it here, only add, that on the seventeenth 
 of August, 1768, she experienced, in reality, what she had seen 
 in her dream, viz. that 
 
 " He would kiss her raptured soul away." 
 
 She departed this life in the forty-fourth year of her age. 
 
 Thus passed the dreaded moment which I had for seven years 
 so painfully apprehended. But she had often in her illness 
 said to me, " My dear friend, I have obtained for you of the 
 Lord that you shall not be overcome of sorrow ; therefore fear 
 not, for I know he heard me." Her prayer was, in a great 
 degree, answered ; I was not overcome of sorrow. The thought 
 of her long suffering, and present happiness, much alleviated the 
 bitter cup, which I had tasted of occasionally for some years. 
 My great affliction did not come at once. The Lord treated 
 me as we do a child ; he put one thing into my hand to .take 
 awty another. I thought I saw some comfortable prospects 
 before me in life, and a veil was drawn over the many and great 
 crosses which were to follow. I prayed I might be kept close 
 to the will of God, and preserved from turning to the right hand 
 or to the left, now that I had lost my spiritual mother. But I 
 did not wisli to die ; neither could I get my heart into that 
 spiritual frame I had enjoyed in the year 1762, and therefore 
 being mingled with earth, I felt all my ties were not cut through. 
 I had sometimes conversed with her on the subject of departed 
 spirits having communion with us, and she used to say, " If it 
 be the will of my heavenly Father, I should rejoice to commu- 
 nicate some comfort to you, either in a dream or any other 
 way." But I never had even the slightest remembrance of her 
 in any dream for some months, though she possessed so great 
 a share in my waking thoughts. I often wondered' at this, till 
 one night, I think six months after her death, I thought she was 
 hovering over me, as in a cloud, and from thence spoke in her 
 own voice some lines in verse; but I -could only retain the 
 latter part, which were these words :
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 57 
 
 " Mingle with earth we can no more 
 Bat when you worship God alone, 
 We then shall mutually adore." 
 
 By which I understood she meant, I was not in that purity 
 which was requisite for communion with heavenly spirits ; 
 but it raised in my heart an expectation that such a season 
 would come. 
 
 My invaluable friend was buried in Leeds old churchyard ; 
 where to her name and age were added only these words, 
 
 " Who lived and died a Christian/ 1 
 
 PART THE THIRD. 
 
 HER SETTLEMENT IN YORKSHIRE. 
 
 MY health began to fail. I had for three years had much ' 
 fatigue in nursing my dear friend ; and some crosses which 
 now flowed in apace, greatly affected me. I grew large, and 
 had dropsical symptoms. My soul was at this season in a low 
 and cold state. My path was strowed with many perplexities ; 
 and I was at a loss how or where to settle. Trade I much 
 feared ; and yet I did not see how I could do without it. My 
 family consisted of thirty persons, of whom some were rather 
 unruly. I saw the need of taking the reins into my own hands, 
 and supplying the place of my friend Ryan. . But this deter- 
 ruination was very difficult to execute ; and I daily and hourly 
 felt my insufficiency. While she was alive, I 'considered her 
 as a mother, and, like the other young women, desired her to 
 allot me my rules and employments ; or at least to assist me in 
 the choice of them. These were, First, An attention to the 
 spiritual affairs of the family. Secondly, Taking care for their 
 sustenance. Thirdly, Instructing the children. Fourthly, Meet- 
 ing each member of the family, one by one, at fixed times. 
 Fifthly. Superintending, by turns, the more public meetings of 
 the society. Sixthly, Attending my friend in her frequent 
 illnesses ; with the direction and management of the sick. But 
 the care of the kitchen, buying in the stores, managing the 
 needle work, with many other articles of direct housekeeping, 
 J was quite unaccustomed to. While I lived in my father's 
 house I iaw wery little of domestic affairs, because we lived 
 rather high; so that I was quite a stranger to that kind of 
 management needful for a great family, who had but little to 
 'live on. Besides, the manner of life here wail entirely differ- 
 ent from what I had been used to about London. Here wheat 
 was to be bought to make flour ; bread to be made; cows to be
 
 58 THE LIFE OF [PJLRT HI. 
 
 managed ; men sen-ants to be directed ; with a variety of par- 
 ticulars in housekeeping quite new to me. Had my friend been 
 spared, all this would have been a pleasure ; but now my spirits 
 were so depressed, every thing appeared a burden : and when 
 I had provided as well as I could, some persons in my family 
 would despisingly say, my victuals were not worth eating ; and 
 that I knew not how to order any thing. I had frequent letters 
 from distant parts, some pitying, some upbraiding me ; and 
 informing me, at the same time, " The stories which we hear 
 carried about concerning you, conie all from the members of 
 your family." Oh ! said I, I have not abode in my Saviour as 
 I ought ; / have gone down to Egypt for help, and therefore 
 is all this come upon me : otherwise, I should still inherit that 
 word, applied to me with power in the first gathering of my 
 household, " Thou art my hope and my fortress, my castle and 
 deliverer, my defender in whom I have trusted ; who subdueth 
 the people that are under me." I mentioned before, that we 
 had met with a large house, in part furnished, which was of 
 great service, as my own furniture was not yet arrived. There 
 was land to it, and though dear, I saw it a providence, and an 
 asylum till we could fix better. In the ordering of the outdoor 
 affairs, Mr. Taylor was very useful to me, and indeed had not 
 he and his wife been with me, I do not think I should ever have 
 got through some difficulties which I had to encounter. One 
 day he brought roe word of a farm very cheap ; with a freehoM 
 estate adjoining thereto, on which were malt kilns, a small 
 house, and many out buildings. The farm was large ; and he 
 thought, if besides the farm house, we were to build one big 
 enough for our family, it would be cheaper than to rent a house. 
 I was very averse to the undertaking ; but there was no time to 
 lose, as many were seeking after it. I went to Leeds, to con- 
 gult the most judicious of my friends, in particular Mr. R., a 
 man well acquainted with business, and the most intimate friend 
 I had in Yorkshire. He answered, " You may look on this, a.-> 
 Isaac did when he found a well, for which they did not strive/' 
 He said, " The Lord hath made room for us in the land." 
 < So,'' added he, ' may you say : for had you waited a dozen 
 years, you might not have met with such an opportunity.'* I 
 objected, " that I did not understand it, and that perhaps Jt 
 would sink instead of increasing my income." He replied, 
 " Richard Taylor knows well how to manage it, if you do not ; 
 and I have no doubt that it will clear you a hundred and fifty 
 pounds a year, which will be good interest for your money." I 
 now remembered the reflection cast on me at Laytonstone. viz 
 " If she wants to do good with he/ fortune, let her take up ^ 
 little trade. 9He talks of the poverty of Jesus ; let us see her 
 work at a trade as he did.". That thought had much weight 
 with me. I prayed for light, and took the place ; bought thd
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 59 
 
 estate, formed the plan for the house, and set about it. The 
 first mark of the favour of God was, we had some of our work 
 people converted, so that before half the house was built we had 
 a good class. The desire after purity of heart was much 
 revived among the neighbouring societies ; and Ifound in many 
 ways there was a wider field opened for doing good than I had 
 ever before experienced. I had some among the members of 
 my family also, who were very helpful in the work of God. By 
 settling on a new plan, I found it more easy to draw things into 
 my own hand. I removed some, and put others into their proper 
 place. 
 
 The building I found no cheaper than in the south, or but 
 little so : it cost a good deal more than at first proposed. The 
 farm took a great deal to stock, and bring into order ; and as 
 most of my capital lay in an estate, (or in that sum my dear 
 father on his death bed so lamented that he had tied up from me,) 
 I had not sufficient for all the expenses, with the purchase of 
 the freehold ; and was obliged to take up money on interest, 
 which I hoped to pay off at fifty pounds per year. The malt 
 kilns seemed to answer well, and cleared the first year fifty 
 pounds, above all expenses. 
 
 Our call was a good deal abroad in the work of God, and we 
 had encouragement therein. A few (and at that time but a 
 few) in that part had a desire after holiness. Some years before 
 this, sister Crosby had spent a little time in Yorkshire. She 
 told them what a wonderful work of sanctification God was car- 
 rying on in London. Many were affected with her words, and 
 two or three in this place retained the light and power then 
 given to them. These we agreed to meet once a fortnight ; and 
 unite our cry to the Lord, that he would pour out a spirit of 
 conviction on his people, and that the neighbouring societies 
 might be stirred up to seek for purity of heart. We had not 
 met many times before the answer came ; one and another 
 begged to join in our Wednesday night meetings, and our num- 
 ber increased to about fifty, all of whom were ardently desiring, 
 or sweetly brought into that liberty. When we grew too 
 numerous, (for they began to come from many miles round,) 
 I advised those who were able, to gather a meeting of the same 
 kind, near their own homes. This was attended with many 
 blessings. We sometimes visited those infant meetings, and 
 they increased and spread as well as ours. It must be observed, 
 none were admitted as members into our meeting, but those 
 who were truly awakened to seek for holiness, as before they 
 had been to seek for pardon. Others, if we judged them sincere, 
 were sometimes occasionally admitted : but we were very care- 
 ful whornwe considered as fixed members. TO these I had a 
 separate nst ; and about once a quarter met them apart from 
 the others. I felt myself led to enforce on them some particular
 
 60 THE LIFE OF PART III. 
 
 observations, which they frequently asked me to set down on 
 paper. I did, therefore, set them down as follows : 
 
 As you have expressed a desire that I would give you on paper 
 the few observations I have sometimes made on Wednesday 
 nights, I will endeavour so to do, as far as I can recollect. And 
 if my dear Lord is pleased to help you through so weak an 
 instrument, he shall have the more abundant praise. 
 
 First, I would recommend you to be very careful whom you 
 admit into your meeting. Consider no one as member thereof 
 who is not steadily seeking after Christian perfection : that is. 
 a heart simplified by love divine, and kept each moment, by faith, 
 from the pollution of sin. Whosoever agrees not with you on 
 this point, will greatly interrupt your design. 
 
 Secondly, See that you fix on your minds, We come toge- 
 ther to get our faith increased ; and expect as much that our 
 souls should be refreshed by our meeting, as we do our bodies to 
 be refreshed by our food. Come with a lively expectation ; and 
 that your expectation may not be cut off", keep your spirit all the 
 time in continual prayer ; united prayer can never go unan- 
 swered. Mr. Fletcher, on this head, has a lively observation : 
 ' When many believing hearts," says he, " are lifted up, and 
 wrestle in prayer together, we may compare them to many hands 
 xvhich work a large pump ; at such times particularly the fount- 
 ains of the great deep are broken up, the windows of heaven are 
 opened, and rivers of living water flow from the hearts of obe- 
 dient believers." 
 
 Thirdly, Bear with each other's mistakes or infirmities in love. 
 Consider the members as if they were your own children. How 
 much will a man bear with in his own son that serveth him 1 A 
 threefold cord cannot be easily broken. Satan will leave no 
 stone unturned to disunite you ; but Oh, remember the cha- 
 racteristic of the evangelical dispensation is, 
 " The love that turns the other cheek ; 
 The love inviolably meek, 
 
 Which bears, but conquers all." 
 
 Fourthly, Be well aware of that deadly poison, so frequent 
 among professors, I mean evil speaking. It will cover itself 
 under a thousand forms ; and, alas ! how many sincere hearts 
 swallow this gilded bait before they know what they are about. 
 Never repeat the fault of an absent person, unless it be abso- 
 lutely needful In particular, speak not evil of dignitiefe ; 
 neither of our king, on whose account we have the greatest 
 reason to be thankful ; nor yet of any in authority under him. 
 Neither those whom God hath set over us as spiritual teaAers. 
 If any of these do not speak just as we could have wished, never 
 rget that orfcmay have his gift after this manner, another 
 after that. The exhortation not so immediately useful to your 
 state, may nevertheless be put into their mouth at that time, for
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 61 
 
 another person then present. Knowt>, unto God are all hit 
 ways ; and as he hath said, A cup of cold water given to a 
 prophet, shall not be forgotten, how pleasiifg will it be in his 
 sight, if by faith and prayer we hold up the hands of his praying 
 (servants. 
 
 Fifthly, Hold fast the truth in a pure conscience. Let not one 
 spark of your light be put out. Though all your teachers, bre- 
 thren, friends, yea, the whole church, were to turn against the 
 truth, let nothing make you forget, The blood of Jesus cleanseth 
 from all sin; and that he keeps that soul for ever clean, who day 
 and night hangs on him by simple faith. 
 
 Sixthly, Be always ready to give an account to those that ask 
 you a reason of the hope that is in you. In order to this, let 
 us pray for clear ideas of what we seek, and what we possess. 
 Bear in mind, that to perfect holiness in the fear of the Lord, 
 is no more than you have already promised : First, By your 
 sponsors in baptism ; secondly, In your own person, when you 
 made those vows your own by confirmation ; and, thirdly, When- 
 ever you renew that covenant by coming to the Lord's table. 
 " You have engaged to renounce the devil and all his works, the 
 pomps and vanities of this wicked world, and all the sinful lusts 
 of the flesh; to believe all the articles of the Christian faith; to 
 keep God's holy will and commandments, and to walk in the 
 same all the days of your life." And is not this vowing to per- 
 fect holiness in the fear of God ? Does the first part of this 
 sacred engagement, To renounce the devil and all his works, 
 leave any room for the least agreement with the devil, the world, 
 or the flesh ? Does the second, To believe all the articles of 
 the Christian faith, make the least allowance for one doubt with, 
 respect to any one article of the Christian faith ? Or, does the 
 third allow the wilful breach of any one of God's command- 
 ments ? Again, Do we not all profess to believe it to be our duty, 
 to love Godwith all our heart, and our neighbour as ourselves? 
 Weigh the depth of those two expressions. Do they not imply, 
 love made perfect, or, in other words, Christian perfection ? 
 
 Seventhly, Remember that eaying of Solomon, The wise 
 man's eyes are in his head. Let your eye of faith be steadily 
 fixed on your living Head, deeply conscious of that word, 
 
 " Having done all, by faith I stand, 
 And give the praise, O Lord, to thee !" 
 
 * 
 
 A holy man makes this observation : " Persevering believers are 
 little omnipotents." Abide then every moment in the living 
 vise, from whom you constantly draw your life, as the coal its 
 heat from the fire ; it was all black, cold, and filthy, before it was 
 :. impregnated with the fire that kindled it ; but if by any accident 
 it fall therefrom, the shining perfection which it had acquired, 
 
 gradually wears away, and it becomes a filthy cinder, the black 
 
 6
 
 62 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 emblem of an apostate. So true is that saying of our Lord, 
 Without me ye can do nothing. 
 
 Eighthly, Consider yourselves as united by a holy covenant 
 to God and to each other ; aiming to advance the glory of God 
 all you possibly can. 
 
 " Ye for Christ your Master stand 
 Lights in a benighted land." 
 
 Beware then that your light become not darkness ; let no one 
 be discouraged from seeking Christian holiness, by any thing 
 they see in your life and conversation. We must become a 
 whole burnt sacrifice. The soldier enlisted under the banner 
 of his king, may neither leave his post, nor choose his employ- 
 ment. We have covenanted to be the Lord's ; and may not 
 draw back one power, no, nor one thought, from his service. 
 Be it then engraven on our hearts, as with a diamond pen, " Thy 
 vows, O God, are upon me : I have opened my mouth unto 
 the Lord, and cannot go back." 
 
 Glory be to God, it might be said of Cross Hall, (the name 
 of our present habitation,) many a soul has been born in her, 
 and many sweet seasons did we know with the Lord ; and I 
 do at this day declare, I shall ever adore the wisdom of God in 
 bringing me down to settle in Yorkshire. It was good for the 
 work of God. It was good for my own soul ;* but for a season 
 it did not appear good for my temporal affairs. I had not been 
 seven years there, before I saw myself brought into great per- 
 plexity, from circumstances I shall by and by relate. But 
 whatever occurred, I must ever praise the Lord, that his provi- 
 dence brought me there. I had a continual presentiment my 
 troubles were for an appointed time ; and that in the end de- 
 liverance would be given from every difficulty. 
 
 I found my mind much united to brother and sister Taylor. 
 I strove to remove their burdens, and went in person to their 
 creditors. After meeting with some opposition, I got their 
 affairs settled, at the expense of between two and three hun- 
 dred pounds.. 
 
 After the death of sister Ryan, my soul had many risings and 
 sinkings. Sometime 1 seemed to lose my way, and knew not 
 where or what I was. For about two years, I sunk into fear, 
 care, self-indulgence, and many wanderings. Yet my aim was 
 toward the Loro, who, after that season, began again io renew 
 in me a tender conscience, and as my outward sorrows increas- 
 ed, so my inward light and power began to revive. It was soon 
 after that time that we began the meeting above mentioned, ai 
 
 ft. 
 
 * Nothing could prevent Inch a devoted person from bearing fruit unto God. 
 In answer to the prayer of faith, He opens rivers in the high places, and stream* 
 in the desert. Mr. Wesley, speaking of her settlement in Yorkshire, observes, 
 (see his Works, volume iv,) "Saturday, July 7th, 1770, I rode to Miss Bosan- 
 quet's. Her family is still a pattern, and a general blessing to the country.- 1 - Kr .
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 63 
 
 near as I can remember, though I have not set down the exact 
 date thereof; by my diary it appears to be about a year after 
 my soul began again to walk by faith. These meetings were 
 to me a singular blessing. They cost me many a wrestling 
 prayer, and when the iiights approached when we were to meet, 
 Oh ! the sinking into nothing before God my spirit used to feel '. 
 Of all the meetings I ever was employed in while in Yorkshire, 
 1 know not I ever felt my soul so conscious of the Lord's 
 approval as in these. I must acknowledge it occasioned both 
 expense and labour. Frequently I had many beds to make up, 
 and many friends and their horses to entertain. But I saw it 
 such an honour to be (as I sometimes expressed it) the Lord's 
 innkeeper, that I could feel nothing but satisfaction therein. 
 Those words were often applied with great sweetness, The 
 birds of the air shall rest under thy branches. 
 
 I now found a fresh conviction of the necessity of Divine 
 help, that I might go in and out before my family, in such a 
 manner as would lead them into the most excellent way ; and 
 when any thiug particular rested on my mind, I usually set 
 it down in the way of diary. On looking over old papers, I 
 find the following remarks ; but am not quite clear as to the 
 dates : 
 
 " This day I have been solemnly renewing my covenant with 
 the Lord, and considering over our family rules, fasts, and 
 meetings. I have been praying for fresh vigour and resolution 
 in the use thereof ; and while reading this morning the vision 
 of Samuel concerning Eli, I was led to inquire how far it was 
 my own case. Lord, thou hast made me the head of this fami- 
 ly. Do I bear the sword in vain ? Show me, Lord, what I 
 can do to help them, considered one by one, and how I may 
 help to put away, in each, whatever would offend. The thoughts 
 which flowed into nty mind were as follows : 
 
 " First, Love is the end of the commandment. If I would 
 wish to be such a head as God approves, I must have no spring 
 of action but love. Yet when we have many tempers to suit 
 ourselves to, all their burdens to bear, and their every want to 
 supply, (even in narrow circumstances,) nature is apt to grow 
 weary. It is very easy to give our neighbour what we can spare, 
 but to pinch ourselves, and even to run the risk of debts and 
 distress for their sakes, makes the work far more hard. How 
 thea shall I get and keep that spirit of love to eacli which is 
 needful for my fulfilling toward them the place of a mother ? 
 or, iasome sense, to be a pillar in God's house, who is appoint- 
 ed to bear the weight of the whole building 1 
 
 "I will call over each member^Wmy mind with solemn 
 prayer, and search out every perfection of every kind ; every 
 trace of the image of God which I oan discern in each, and 
 enter them on paper; adding thereto every fresh discovery,
 
 64 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 and then to each name affix a plan, denoting what is the best 
 method of helping that person's infirmities, and strengthening 
 their virtues. If I do not thus study the tempers and disposi- 
 tion of my family, how unlike will my carriage be to that of^ 
 my heavenly Father toward me. I am also much convinced of 
 the necessity of being exact in early rising, both for the good 
 of iny own soul, and that of my family ; and as I am now bet- 
 ter, I trust to be able to execute my purpose. I shall also meet 
 the family at stated times, for an hour, in order to inquire if 
 brotherly love continues. And to remove all hinderances there- 
 to, I will at those times observe, 
 
 " My design in having a family is to bring honour to God. 
 If that end be not answered, I am disappointed, and the Spirit 
 of God is grieved with those who hinder it. 
 
 " But in order to this, it is needful to be aware of Satan's 
 devices, who will be always endeavouring to throw in some- 
 thing to wound love ; and among a large family, where there 
 .is a multiplicity of business, perplexities will arise, which some- 
 times have a tendency to break, or at least to interrupt, that 
 sweet harmony of love, by which the church below is rendered 
 a shadow of that above. 
 
 " To prevent this must be my constant labour. I believe 
 you all love me ; and I am, my heavenly Father knows, united 
 to every one of you. But that will not do, unless you are united 
 among yourselves. I would therefore inquire of each, one by 
 
 O110 1 
 
 ; " First, Do you find want of love to any one here ? If you 
 answer yes, give your reason, and it shall be searched to the 
 bottom, though it be in myself. 
 
 " Secondly, Is there any conduct of any member which you 
 think might be mended 1 
 
 " Thirdly, We are to live only to and for God. You all can 
 bear me witness, what we save, is saved for the poor, and the 
 work ' >f God. Now, can any of you point out wherein we can 
 save more 1 This is to be done in little things : for instance, 
 suppose twenty of you had each a candle to use, and each per- 
 : son were to run it into the fire, and waste a tenth part of the 
 whole, that would be two candles lost per night. - If each fire, 
 (we will say ten,) burn one pennyworth of coals per day more 
 than is needful, there are five shillings and tenpence per week 
 lost ; enough to make two poor people, who love and serve the' 
 Lord, comfortable. The same may be said of every thing we 
 eat, drink, wear, or make use of. Savingness gives a constant 
 and profitable use of the^Hpss ; as well as administers, by those 
 small acts of self-denia^t6-the necessities of our brethren. If 
 we are thirty in family, besides many strangers, suppose every 
 one by frugality to save (every thing being put together) but 
 two pence per day, what a large sum will that make- br tte;
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 65 
 
 whole year, nearly a hundred pounds ! and how many of the 
 saints of God may be fed and clothed therewith 1 
 
 " Fourthly, Time is a most invaluable talent ; and there is 
 scarcely an hour but we may save some minutes, by doing every 
 thing as to the Lord, that is, in the best manner we are able. 
 It is a true saying, a thing once well done is twice done. For 
 instance, if you sew a seam carelessly, it will soon want doing 
 over again. If you clean any thing by halves, it will want a 
 repetition almost directly. If linen is badly got up, and not of 
 a good colour, it will not wear half the time. Consequently, 
 the next wash will be larger, will require more time, more soap, 
 more fire, &c. If you teach the children by halves, they will 
 need so many more lessons, and be so much the longer before 
 they are useful at home, or fit to go out ; so that the desire of 
 saving time calls for the most diligent application in every 
 thing. But in order truly to buy up this precious talent, there 
 is a necessity of walking as in the constant presence of God. 
 By that recollection, we shall cut offuseless words and thoughts, 
 which are the Banker worms that eat up our time. 
 
 " Fifthly, The power of speech is a great talent. It is an 
 instrument of much good, or much evil. The tongue is a little 
 member, yet how much good or evil is it capable of kindling ! 
 A little spark may be the beginning of a flame powerful enough 
 to destroy a whole city ; and one wrong word may draw on 
 another, until the tongue, ' which is a world of iniquity, may 
 set on fire all the members, being itself set on fire of hell.' On 
 the other hand, in a large family, how useful may that member 
 be ! While it possesses the honour of being God's advocate, 
 and watches every moment for an opportunity to call in the 
 minds of those around you to a colser attention to God. The 
 right use of the tongue is of the utmost consequence, (especial- 
 ly in a religious comftunity,) and worthy our strictest and most 
 earnest endeavours ; since the Apostle says, ' He that offend- 
 eth not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to 
 bridle the whole body.' " 
 
 The next Friday, after this family meeting, I proposed as a 
 fast, at twelve we were to meet for one hour, chiefly for ear- 
 nest prayer. At these seasons I frequently found much of the 
 presence and approval of God, and I believe they were blessed 
 to many of the family. 
 
 To return to my outward situation. When I had been a few 
 years in Cross Hall, I had many trials of faith and patience. 
 Sometimes I was all fears ; and at others, I had a lively confi- 
 dence in that word, Stand to my will, and thou shall suffer 
 no detriment, which was applied to me just before the period 
 of sister Ryan's death. 
 
 Various circumstances now agitated my mind ; and frequent 
 ]f with- groans and tears have I said before the Lord, " Oh ! 
 6*
 
 gg THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 that I could meet with a friend as divinely enlightened, and as 
 faithful as the one I have lost. It would be worth going over 
 red hot bars of iron to procure." But though I knew some of 
 the excellent of the earth, yea, and had some of them under 
 my own roof, yet friendship is so immediately the gift of God, 
 we cannot form it when we will. There must be a similitude 
 of mind, a something which God alone can give, and which he 
 at this time was pleased to withhold from me, perhaps that I 
 might learn to depend on himself alone. The point in which 
 I was peculiarly sensible of the loss of Jtny friend, was in the 
 character of a counsellor. I wanted to know and do the will 
 of God. I feared I was wrong in my present situation, because 
 things did not answer ;.. and yet I did not know which way to 
 mend them. But I have always found the best way is to stand 
 still ; for I have learned by experience, that when we have no 
 light how to get out of our troubles, and no way seems to open, 
 the present duty is resignation. We have only to follow Pro- 
 vidence from day to day, making it our one business to persevere 
 in a constant sense of the presence of God, ajad to lie before 
 his feet as poor beggars, waiting for his direction. 
 
 Some time before this, a circumstance happened, which 
 though to appearance trifling, proved in the end very material. 
 A gentleman, who about two years before lost a wife he ten- 
 derly loved, on hearing of me, and the close union which had 
 subsisted between me and Mrs. Ryan, permitted a thought to 
 dwell on ! his mind, that perhaps I was brought to Yorkshire 
 by the providence of God to repair his loss. 
 
 One day as I was returning from a little journey where I had 
 been to meet some people, we called at an inn to bait the horse. 
 Mr. * * * was standing at a window of that inn. I came out and 
 stood some time at the block waiting for my horse. A thought 
 struck his mind, " I should like that wolhan for a wife ;" but 
 instantly he corrected it with that reflection, I know not whether , 
 she be a converted or an unconverted person ; a married or a 
 single woman. Just then Mr. Taylor came up with the horse. 
 The gentleman knew him, and corning out to speak to him, was 
 much struck to find it was I. But as there was not any thing 
 striking to me in the occurrence, I had quite forgotten it, till he 
 recalled it to my remembrance some yca-rs after. 
 
 As I was very free in making known my fears, lest my new 
 undertaking should not answer, some friends have often said ' 
 to me, " Why do not you consult Mr. * * * 1 He is the only man 
 for business in the country ; and having heard of your situation, 
 he wishes to give Mr. Taylor some advice." Not long after a 
 friend brought him to our house. I did not know at that tinje 
 whether he were married or single. We soon fell into conver- 
 sation about the farm. He gave me some directions, and inter- 
 ested himself much in my affairs. 1 frequently applied to him
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 
 
 in difficult occurrences, and he became, in the common accepta- 
 tion of the word, a familiar friend. 
 
 My perplexities now increased. The farm had sunk a very 
 large sum to bring it into order, and the kilns took much money 
 to work them, a great deal of which lay scattered up and down 
 in debts owing to me from lesser maltsters. I applied not only to 
 Mr. * * *, but to some other sensible men. They looked over all, 
 and said I was too much afraid : in a year or two things would 
 turn round. That I had had a farm to make ; but it wfts now in 
 such order, it would soon pay all again. This gave me some 
 satisfaction, but did not on the whole remove my fears. I also 
 saw Mr. Taylor went too>far ; that he was inclined to venture 
 much ; that he kept too many men ; and gave a greal deal too 
 much credit. 
 
 This answered Mr. ***'s design. By these things he was 
 inclined to think God was constraining me to accept the offer, 
 which by this time he had made me, of his hand, his heart, and 
 his purse. His affections were strong, sincere, and constant ; 
 his offers generous, and his sentiments tender. He loved my 
 family ; and whoever was kind to me, found favour in his eyes. 
 This could not but operate on my gratitude. I was deeply 
 pained. But I could not see him the man my highest reason 
 chose to obey. First, ! did not so honour the light he had in 
 religion, as to believe it my privilege to be ledthereby. Secondly, 
 Though he was a good man, and helpful to people yi every 
 respect,' yet he did not see the narrow path of walking close 
 with God, as I could wish the man I took for a husband 
 to do. Thirdly, Though I had a grateful love toward him, I 
 could not find that satisfying affection which flows from per- 
 fect confidence ; and which is the very spirit and soul of 
 marriage. 
 
 I felt, however, in the keenest manner the need I had of his 
 assistance in my affairs ; but I thought it ungenerous to the last 
 degree to accept of help and counsel from one whose growing 
 affection I was too sensible of, but to which, however, .1 could 
 make no return. I used the plainest terms in assuring him of 
 the impossibility of our affection ever becoming reciprocal ; 
 and proposed the breaking off all acquaintance. He alleged in 
 answer, "You cannot do without me. You will be ruined ; 
 God hath made me your helper ; and if you cannot see and fee] 
 as I do, we will be only common friends. I will say no morf 
 on a subject so disagreeable to you." 
 
 I lessened my family all I could, by putting out some of tie 
 bigger children to trades, or servants' places ; but much expense 
 attended it. Mr. Taylor also had several children while wth 
 me, so that the family still consisted of twenty-five persons. 
 T-li majority, however, were grown persons. But losses 3till 
 continually came on ; and my first seven years in Yorkshire
 
 68 THE LIFE OF [PART HI. 
 
 being fleariy expired, I found an absolute need of some change, 
 since in all this time things grew not better, but worse, 
 
 I consulted Mr. * * * and other friends about my situation, but 
 *mostwre for some farther exertion in trade. That I knew 
 would not do. Others said, "Turn off all those members 
 of your family, and you have enough to live on alone, with a 
 servant or two." No way, however, opened for them, and 
 several were old, sickly, or helpless. I could not therefore see 
 $bow that*could be done, and if ever I thought on it, mountains 
 of difficulty arose before me. Something seemed to whisper, a 
 way shall be made quite plain; yet I saw it my duty to do 
 every thing in my power. I therefor* consulted Mr. * * *, who 
 knew my whole affairs as no other person did. He salft, 
 " There is but one way for you ; put the farm into Mr. Taylor's 
 hand, entirely separate from yourself. Let him have the stock 
 just as it is, and work the kilns as he can raise money. Let 
 him pay you sixty pounds per year, and take his family to the 
 end of tlie house. I verily believe he will live weh 1 , and lay up 
 money ; and I will overlook all, and appraise every thing once 
 a year." I did so. Mr. *** took great pains, and Richard 
 Taylor paid regularly. But as he was to have it free of debt, I 
 found, a good deal to pay which he had not brought to account ; 
 so that before all was settled, I had money again to take up on 
 interest, which was no small affliction to me ; and could I have 
 sold the, place, I would have chosen it rather. . 
 
 We went on tolerably for three years. Mr. * * * thought the 
 farm increased in heart. The stock also improved, and all was 
 cheerful, except in my mind, which foreboded deeper waters. 
 This was soon realized. In the beginning of the fourth year, 
 Taylor was in debt to the amount of six hundred pounds. This 
 was what I all along feared ; but I thought, I am not obliged to 
 pay his debt ; let him break, and bear his own burden. Mr. 
 * * * at first thought the same ; but soon we saw, either I must 
 give up the stogk, (which would be sold for half its value,) 
 or pay the money. Besides, I was now informed, that when 
 he ceased to act as my agent, I ought to have advertised it, that 
 no one might trust him through confidence in me. But this 
 (being unused to business) I did not know. 
 
 I deeply felt for the appearance it would have to my relations. 
 I had before, with their knowledge, taken up money on the 
 Laytonstone estate, and my brothers were very kind, and 
 ordered all my affairs in the south to the best advantage. I did 
 mt therefore see it just or prudent to hide any thing from them. 
 I vrote to my eldest brother a full account of the whole ; but 
 cotld not see, at that time, how I could pay ; nor was I quite 
 clear it was required of me. Taylor's wife, now big with child, 
 wrirging her hands, entreated me, in mercy to her, not to let 
 her iusband go to prison ; and indeed she was clear
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 69 
 
 for all along she had been afflicted with the fear of what was 
 now come upon them. I knew not what to do : above all, the 
 honour of religion was dear to me ; aad it was too evident, 
 without an appearance of dishonesty, I could not take back the 
 stock, though really my own, and leave the debts unpaid. 
 Besides, many of the persons were poor, and would be greatly 
 hurt by the loss. We had also at this time a lively work ; for 
 whatsoever else did not prosper by going into Yorkshire, the 
 work of God did. Being at length determined on the payment, 
 the next difficulty witffewhere to raise the money. I had now 
 taken back all my aflws out of Taylor's hands, but was inca- 
 pable of managing the business myself, nor could I get the 
 place disposed of. Mr. * * * then offered to lend me the six 
 hundred pounds on interest, and to become a partner with me 
 in the farm and kilns, so as to take the management of all. 
 Here I was quite at a loss. I was almost ready to say, " Dark- 
 ness hath covered my path." Prudence, delicacy, every lively 
 sentiment, started back at the thought. What ! come under 
 such an obligation to the man I am constantly refusing ! Be- 
 sides, such a fresh connection will open the door to many 
 trials. But there was no alternative ; I must accept his help 
 or be ruined. I therefore followed what appeared to be the 
 leadings of Providence. A little before this, I had a drawing 
 in my mind to go for six months to Bath, Bristol, and the parts 
 adjacent, believing it to be the order of God ; and I was not 
 sorry for an excuse to gel two bundrca miles from poor 
 Mr.***. 
 
 One night, conversing with a friend on the difficulties of my 
 situation, he said, " I cannot approve of your proceedings ; I 
 fear you light against Providence. Here are several doors open 
 before you. If you object to Mr. ***, why do not you accept 
 of some other of those good men, whom the Lord seems to have 
 cast in your way ? You stand stiffly in the choice of a single 
 life, and it seems to me, God fights against you in so doing. 
 The end will be ruin. You will be brought to a prison, and all 
 the reproach will be qist on religion. If you build on the for- 
 mer promise I have heard you mention, That the Almighty 
 shall be your defence, and you shall have plenty of silver, 
 I account you .no better than an enthusiast. Have you not 
 waited long enough ? You hoped for deliverance at the end of 
 the first seven years ; but four are elapsed since, and if you 
 wait till the end of the next seven, you will be no nearer. " 
 Though his words did not convince my judgment, they pained 
 my heart. Nothing was to me more dreadful than 'the thought 
 of getting out of God's order. I carried my case to the Lord, 
 and striving to divest my soul of every prejudice, I offered up 
 myself to God, that he might accomplish all his will upon me, 
 pleading before him, " Show me thy way, and I will walk in
 
 I 
 
 70 THE LIFE OP [PART III. 
 
 it." But the more I prayed, the clearer the light seemed to 
 shiue^ on my present path ; and the only answer I could obtain 
 was, Stand still and see my salvation. 
 
 Being one day at prayer about my situation, I thought, per- 
 haps I shall sink lower still. Though Mr. * * * believes he shall 
 make much of the "business, he may be mistaken ; and should 
 I lose more than my estate at Laytonstone, and this place also 
 will pay, then I shall have debts I cannot answer ; and while 
 
 there is but a bare possibility of that, shall I eat and drink as 
 if it was my own ? Ah ! no ; let me JBier. live on bread 'and 
 water. I have no right, except' mer^y to sustain life, till I 
 receive from God some answer, or afee, by sound reason, that 
 all will be paid. I began to do so that very day ! But the fol- 
 lowing night, I had a most particular time before the Lord ! He 
 
 - snWed me, (by a light on my understanding) that all my trials 
 were appointed by himself; that they were laid on by weight 
 and measure, and should go no farther than they would work 
 for my good. He pointed me to the time at Hoxton, causing 
 me to remember how simply I had walked by faith, and show- 
 ing me my sin in having drawn back from that close com- 
 munion. That although I did, in a measure, still walk with 
 God, yet I could not say, as then, / live not, but Christ livetk 
 in me.* I had depended on creatures for help, and therefore 
 he had let me feel the weight of my .burdens, that I might be 
 constrained to cast them afresh on him ; and that when he had 
 proved and tried me, he would deliver me from all my outward 
 burdens. As a pledge of the inward liberty he would afterward 
 bring me into, and that the ways and means of my deliverance 
 were in his own hands, and should appear in the appointed 
 time, those words were again brought powerfully to my mind : 
 If thou put away iniquity far from thy tabernacle- So shall 
 thou lift up thy face unto God. Thou shalt decree a thing, 
 and it shall be established unto thce ; and the light shall 
 shine upon thy path. Yea, the Almighty shall be thy de- 
 fence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. He showed me 
 that all my perplexities and trials were only the thorn hedge 
 which his love had planted around me, to preserve me from run- 
 ning farther astray. It was a profitable and melting time. 
 
 Prom that hour I began to take my meat again with gladness 
 and singleness of heart. During the above time of prayer, 
 while I was asking light for my immediate duties, it appeared 
 to me best to take Mr. Taylor down with us to Bath ; and that 
 from the time I did so, his family would no more be such a 
 burden to me. And truly so it proved. For my sister met me 
 there, and was greatly struck with compassion toward him. 
 She helped him herself, and raised him many friends ; so that 
 
 * The truth was, I believe, she had not that lively sense of it. She was loaded 
 with cares ; but they were all consistent with purity. ED.
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 71 
 
 all the rest of the time the family were under my roof, the 
 children were entirely supported with the help which arose 
 from that journey. I saw much of the order of God while from 
 home ; and after six months I returned with thankfulness ; 
 though not without that kind of sensation which a scourged 
 child would have in returning to the rod. 
 
 I must here mention a circumstance which, in order of time, 
 occurred some months before. In my deep troubles, especially 
 after the conversation with the friend above mentioned con. 
 cerning marriage, a thought occurred to my mind, " Perhaps 
 Mr. Fletcher is to be my deliverer. May not that be the way to 
 bring me out of these incumbrancesl" But I started from the 
 very idea, lest it should be a stratagem of Satan. We had not 
 seen or heard from each other for more than fifteen years. Yet 
 when striving to find out some way, that idea would frequently 
 present itself before me. 
 
 In the month of August, 1777, going into a friend's house 
 who was just come from the conference, he said, " Do you 
 know that Mr. Fletcher, of Madeley, is dying 1 ! Indeed 1 know 
 not but he is dead. If he hold out a little longer, he is to go 
 abroad ; but it is a pity, for he will die by the way, being in 
 the last stage of consumption." I heard the account with the 
 utmost calmness. For some days I bore his burden before the 
 Lord ; and constantly offered him up to the will of God. A 
 few days after, another of my acquaintance wrote word, ' Mr. 
 Fletcher is very bad ; spits blood profusely, and perspires pro- 
 fusely every night. Some have great hope that prayer will 
 raise him up ; but, for my part, I believe he is a dying man, as 
 sure as he is now a living one." As I was one day in prayer, 
 offering him up to the Lord, these words passed my mind : 
 " The prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall 
 raise him up." I said, " Lord, I da.re not ask it ; 1 leave it to 
 thy sacred will: thy will be done !" 
 
 The following thoughts occurred to my mind, If the Lord 
 should raise him up, and bring him in safety back to England ; 
 and he should propose such a step, could I (loubt its being of 
 God, after such an answer to prayer 1 Yet fearing a decep- 
 tion, I cried to the Lord to keep me in his narrow way, what- 
 ever I might suffer, and felt an unaccountable liberty to ask 
 the following signs, if it really were of him. 1. That Mr. 
 Fletcher might be raised up. 2. That he might be brought back 
 to England. 3. That he would write to me on the subject, 
 before he saw me, though we had been so many years asunder, 
 without so much as a message passing on any subject. 4. That 
 he would, in that letter, tell me, it had been the object of his 
 thoughts and prayers for some years. It came to my mind 
 farther, that should this occur in the end of the year 1781, it
 
 72 THE LIFE Of [PART 111. 
 
 would be a still greater confirmation, as Providence seemed to 
 point to me that season as a time of hope. 
 
 We returned from Bath in the beginning of the year 1776. 
 I found crosses and troubles yet awaited me. Mr. ***was 
 still my partner, and I was enabled to pay him and every cre- 
 ditor the full interest of the money taken up ; but not to lessen 
 the capital. Indeed, all along I was able to answer every de- 
 mand. We continued our trade some time longer ; but, at 
 length, Mr. * * * found my fears were better grounded than his 
 hopes. Instead of a hundred pounds to put into my lap (as he 
 expected) each year toward the debt, we found, on the strictest 
 account of every grain of corn, pint of milk, or pound of butter, 
 either sold or used in the family, that the farm did not pay its 
 own way ; though he had put many things on a cheaper plan 
 than before. The interest also swallowed up so great a part 
 of my income, that it was not possible to keep more than half 
 my family with what remained. As to the kilns, I had neither 
 money nor courage to work them. I thought of many expedients. 
 I strove, I worked hard, I prayed ; and at length proposed to 
 the members of my family to disperse, and learn some little 
 business, and I would aliow each what I could. 
 
 Great affliction now sat on every face. Tears were shed in 
 plenty. They alleged, Till you can get rid of this place you 
 must live here. If you leave it empty the house will be spoiled, 
 and that will injure the sale ; and we know not what to do, nor 
 how to turn. After being twenty years with you, (said one,) 
 how strange will a new situation appear ! And I, (said ano- 
 ther,) after eighteen years? And after being twelve years 
 together, (said some others,) how hard it is to part ! It was a 
 most painful time ; and I saw there was no way, but first to 
 sell the pkce and then disperse. 
 
 But now a door seemed to open, a gentleman sent me word 
 that he would bay the place, stock, lease, and all together. He 
 was a man both of fortune and of honour, and really wished to 
 help me out of my difficulties. The price which he offered 
 would bring me through all, and leave me a good income. Now 
 I began to look up, and to form a plan for my future life, how 
 to settle myself, and dispose of each member of my family. I 
 gave an account of every particular, and the bargain was in 
 part made. But, alas ! our wisdom is folly ! He took a fever, 
 and died in a few days ! To add to my difficulties, just at this 
 time my brother wrote me word, that it would be throwing 
 away the Laytonstone estate to sell it with so long a lease 
 upon it ; and that it could not with any propriety be done. I 
 now saw but one way, to advertise Cross Hall, and sell it for 
 what I could ; and paying that away as far as it would go, strive 
 yc-arly to lessen the remaining part of the debt by my income ; 
 reserving only fifty pounds per year to live on, and out of it to
 
 PART III.) MRS. FLETCHER. 73 
 
 help my friends. But I recollected, that I might not live Ion? 
 enough thus to pay the debt by my income. I had still a strong 
 confidence in a promise given to me before I went to Bath, 
 that no one should lose any thing by me ; yet I thought it was 
 required of me to do every thing in my power toward it. 
 
 I then proposed to myself to keep only twenty pounds per 
 year. Nay, I thought, how can I have a right even to twenty? 
 Justice is before mercy. They must all shift for themselves, 
 and I will do the same. I may perhaps find some little busi- 
 ness by which life may be sustained, till my affairs take a 
 tavourable turn. It is true, nobody calls in their money, nor 
 seems to have a fear concerning it ; yet it is my duty to take 
 the more ca/e for them, because of their confidence in me. It 
 may be supposed, as I was daily striving to part with the place, 
 and expecting to turn out, that my thoughts were frequently 
 occupied on what way of life I should choose, as most condu- 
 cive to the glory of God ; and during this season, the Lord did 
 teach me many lessons of poverty and resignation. It seemed 
 to me no manner of life could be disagreeable, if I had but a 
 prospect of having no debts. One day as I was standing at a 
 window musing on this subject, I saw a poor man driving some 
 asses laden with sand, by which he gained his bread. As I 
 looked on him, a spring of satisfaction ran through my mind, 
 and I thought, I am perfectly willing to take up the business 
 of that man. If I preserve unsold one of the freehold cottages, 
 the asses might graze on the common, and I could follow them 
 with something to sell. There were but few trades which my 
 conscience would suffer me to follow ; and my abilities were 
 equal to still fewer. But to any thing in the whole world would 
 I turn, that was not sinful, rather than remain in debt. I do 
 not mean that I decided to act thus ; but so conformed was my 
 mind to poverty at this time, that the thought of even that 
 employment, as it now glanced through it, gave me real plea- 
 sure - However P en l had been with my relations concerning 
 my affairs hitherto, I determined to conceal all personal wants ; 
 for if I voluntarily gave up my income for the payment of my 
 iebts, I did not see it to be just to live on theirs ; and this 
 would not have been difficult, as I had no relation that lived 
 within two hundred miles. 
 
 Sometimes it appeared to me quite clear, that Mr. Fletcher 
 was the friend God would raise up for me. He was now much 
 recovered, and about to return to England. However, I feared 
 to lay any stress on that ; but while thinking on it, I received a 
 letter from a friend, informing me that Mr. Fletcher had settled 
 abroad, and proposed to see England no more. This was a 
 false report ; he never had such a thought : but as it came from 
 an intimate friend, I had reason to believe it. Thus was I cut 
 off from the prospect of any human help ! but I kept to my old
 
 74 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 word, " My soul, wait thou upon God : from him cometh my 
 salvation." 
 
 My heart was much oppressed. I had not advertised the 
 place, because some advised me not, saying it was the way 
 rather to hurt the sale ; nor did any one BO much as inquire 
 after it, though my mind was well known. I could now only 
 stand still, for I knew not which way to go. During this sus- 
 pense, conversing one day with my friend, Mr. * * *, he said, 
 " Indeed I am at a loss what to do for you. I thought to have 
 helped you greatly by the continuance of the farm ; but, alas '. 
 I wish I had suffered you to advertise and sell it for any thing 
 six years ago ; and you then could have done it. It is now too 
 late. The nation is engaged in wars : you would now sell it for 
 a trifle. I consulted some friends the other day, who all agree 
 that, separate from the stock, you must not expect above six 
 hundred pounds for the whole place. You are ruined, madam '. 
 You withstand the order of God. My fortune is enough for you 
 and me. But you cannot see in my light. May the Lord stand 
 by you J But I cannot think of a partnership any longer ; the 
 blame would fall on me !" 
 
 It was now the summer of 1781. The seventh of June in 
 that year, I entered into my fourteenth year in Yorkshire. I 
 had all along an impression, that about that season something 
 would open. One day as I was walking up a narrow lane which 
 had a stile at the top, I saw a flock of sheep before me. The 
 shepherd had hard work to drive them on ; they seemed deter- 
 mined to turn again. I thought, well they may, for there is no 
 gate, no way through ; what can he wish them to do] He forced 
 them along, however, with dogs and sticks. I said in my mind, 
 " These sheep are like me, drove on in a narrow path, without 
 any way to get out." I followed at a distance, expecting every 
 moment they would turn back upon me, when all at once they 
 began to run, and I discovered a new made gate in a spacious 
 field of turnips. In a minute they were dispersed, and fell to 
 their full pasture with great delight. Faith whispered to my 
 heart, so shall a door open before you in the appointed 
 time. 
 
 That passage of the psalmist was much impressed on my 
 mind at this time : " The rod of the wicked shall not always 
 remain in the lot of the righteous, lest the righteous put forth 
 his hand to iniquity." And frequently those words also came 
 with power, The days shall be shortened ; by which I rather 
 thought, some change would take place in the beginning of the 
 last year of my two apprenticeships in Yorkshire. And now 
 the seventh of June came ; and I was almost constrained to 
 day, Thou hast not delivered thy people at all. There was no 
 appearance of any such thing; all was dark. 
 "All was with sable terror hung."
 
 FART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 75 
 
 I have continued the narrative unbroken through this cloudy 
 arid dark day. All was conflict respecting the creatures ; but 
 the Lord tempered the evil with occasional intimations that" 
 
 " Behind a frowning providence 
 He hid a smiling face." 
 
 Mrs. Fletcher was thus kept from "growing weary in well 
 doing," and enabled to "believe in the faithfulness of Him who 
 knoweth the way of the righteous ;" and who " in every tempt- 
 ation maketh a way for their escape." The pious reader will 
 wish to know her walk with the Lord, during this evil day. An 
 extract from her journal will give* a clear view of this ; and it 
 will be seen, that although this blessed woman was thus cast 
 down, she was not forsaken ; though perplexed, she was not, 
 for a moment, in despair ; she still " looked, not at the things 
 that are seen, and which are temporal, but at the things which 
 are not seen, and eternal." She felt her weakness ; yea, her 
 utter helplessness ; yet she was still confident. " She stood 
 still to see the salvation of God." ED. 
 
 Sunday, December, 1772. My health is yet far from good. 
 My head is much affected, and it is often presented to my mind 
 that 1 shall have an apoplexy. It is a painful sensation. Sud- 
 den death does not appear to me as pleasant. I seem not to 
 have my evidence clear for heaven. " Lord, spare me a little, 
 that I may recover my strength before I go hence, and am no 
 more seen." My nerves are very weak, and I feel a lowness 
 which I think affects my mind as to spiritual things ; but I feel 
 a determination, whether weak or strong, to rise early, and to 
 visit the sick. Lord, give me to make the most of my short 
 time ! and, O Jesus ! give me power to keep my mind always 
 feed on thyself! 
 
 January 16, 1773. Waked early, and was going to rise, but 
 unprofitable thoughts crowded into my mind. My distressing 
 situation, as to outward things, seemed an intolerable burden, 
 /and I was betrayed into thinking of useless plans and schemes, 
 how to avoid this (as I think) approaching ruin. Alas ! with 
 all my anxiety and care, I can do nothing. All I strive for seems 
 overturned. O Lord, give me the power to keep every thought 
 stayed on thee ! This day I have, been a good deal hindered by 
 company from walking by my rules, and I see I ought to 
 receive every thing that occurs more immediately from the 
 hand of God. 
 
 January 17. Being very poorly, and the weather bad, I 
 thought I would spend this day quietly at home, and set apart 
 .three hours for solemn examination, and fresh dedication jf 
 myself to God ; and I found it good so to do. At night I "clt. 
 jnuch recollection, and had freedom in meeting the peopK
 
 76 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 January 21, Friday. For a few days past I have been enabled 
 to keep in mind, That the cross is my chosen portion. Much 
 taken up to-day in domestic affairs, in which I found my mind 
 recollected. A good deal also with the poor and sick, who 
 came for advice. I seemed to be in my own element. But 
 when in a more public way, I do not seem as much in my place. 
 Company does not agree with my soul. 
 
 January 25. Rose early, but not having much time for 
 prayer,. I was oif my guard, and spoke very unkindly to A. T. 
 I have not been with God much to-day ; yet I seem to have had 
 a cry in my heart to him. At night I again gave way to a hasty 
 spirit. Alas ! I seem to love to find fault, and to oblige others 
 to see in my light, and so justify me. Oh how unlike that holy 
 simplicity I felt for a little while when at Hoxton ! 
 
 February 2. Since I wrote last, I trust I have been in a 
 
 growing frame. I went this day to A . Had a good time 
 
 in speaking from those words, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not 
 careful to answer thee in this matter* 
 
 February 17. This day in reading Mr. Fletcher's Fourth 
 Check, I found my soul much stirred up. Oh for the close walk 
 with God which he describes ! 
 
 February 28. It 'was this week laid on my mind to go with 
 
 Richard Taylor to A . I set out with prayer. When we 
 
 had rode a few miles, the horse grew very ill. We stopped at a 
 public inn just out of the town. In a few minutes a woman 
 came in, who had observed us ; she said, lt Here are two or three 
 of us who are seeking the Lord, just going to meet together at a 
 house hard by, pray will you come in ?" I answered, " If you 
 will let a few of the neighbours know, that some strangers are 
 going to have a meeting, we will come in for half an hour." In 
 a short time several were gathered, and we had a comfortable 
 season with them. When the meeting was concluded, R. 
 Taylor said, " If any of you who have a larger house, will open 
 the door, we will spend half an hour with you in the morning 
 before we set off." Several offered. The largest house was 
 fixed on, and in the morning we had a good meeting, and 
 much of the ' presence of God. About ten we set out for the 
 coal pit at R- . Here I saw a little of what the Methodist 
 preachers see much, viz. deep poverty, dirt, and cold ; but the 
 Lord gave me freedom of speech, and some seemed to have an 
 ear to hear. Lord ! let me not be a delicate disciple ! 
 
 July 24. For a long time I have been ill, from the cold I 
 
 caught at R , and my eyes being bad from riding so many 
 
 miles in a strong east wind, 1 1 have been uftfi^ibr writing since. 
 On the 29th of May I set out for Harrowgate, where I was 
 advised to go to drink the waters. We got in on Saturday 
 night. The next day we were afflicted 1 with hearing the Sab- 
 bath greatly profaned both in the house and in the street.
 
 JA.RT HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 77 
 
 Under my window was a company of men playing at horee- 
 ehoe. It seemed a Heathen country indeed. We reproved 
 them, and never observed the Sabbath so broke again while we 
 stayed. On Monday I began the waters, and thought, If it 
 does not please the Lord that I should get good for my body, I 
 will strive to get good for niy soul. I will give myself up to 
 prayer and reading. I have no opportunity here to act for the 
 souls of others. 'I had nearness to God ; but a great weight 
 rested on my mind. There were no lodgings but at the great 
 inns, and ours was full of ungodly company. They all ate at 
 one table ; but this I could not bear ; therefore I got a bit in 
 my own room when they had done. However, their talking, 
 swearing, laughing, and music, I was forced to hear all day 
 long. Sometimes a strange impression came on my mind, that 
 I should be called to bear my testimony for God to all the 
 company that were there ; but the pain that it brought with it 
 was exquisite. 
 
 After a few days, I was asked to go to Pannel, (about a mile 
 from Harrowgate,) in order to hold a meeting at the house of a 
 poor woman, who had taken the preachers in once or twice ; 
 at which I found many had been offended, and threatened much, 
 so that I did not know what sort of treatment I was likely to 
 meet with. Nevertheless I did not dare to refuse. We had a 
 profitable time, and all was quiet. Two days after, I heard 
 that some of the chief opposers were much affected. Glory be 
 to God ! While we were holding the meeting, a drunken man 
 came by, and stopped awhile ; then went on to the inn where 
 I lodged, and told some of the gentlemen, that the lady who lived 
 up stairs was preaching at Pannel. He repeated also some of 
 the words he had heard me speak. When we came home they 
 watched us in, and my maid (who was a pious young woman) 
 going into the kitchen, they flocked about her, asking, in many 
 questions, what her mistress had been doing at Pannel ! 
 
 The following Sunday the company sent me a message up 
 etairs, " That they unanimously requested I would have such a 
 meeting with them in the great ball room." This was a trial 
 indeed ! It appeared to me, I should seem in their eyes as a 
 bad woman, or a stage player ; and I feared they only sought 
 an opportunity to behave rudely. Yet I considered, I shall see 
 these people no more till I see them at the judgment seat of 
 Christ. And shall it then be said to me, " You might that day 
 have warned us, but you would not." I answered them imme- 
 , diately, That I would wait on them at the time appointed. 
 They behaved very well, and the -presence of tiie Lord was 
 with us. The following Sunday they made the same request. 
 Much more company came in, even from High Harrow- 
 gate ; but the Lord bore me through ; and glory be to 
 him we had some fruit. The next day I returned home 
 7*
 
 78 THE LIFE F [PART m. 
 
 better in health, and comfortable in mind. All praise be to 
 the Lord ! 
 
 Sunday, Oct. 17. Reflecting on the condition of Israel at 
 the Red Sea, I thought, there is the picture of my situation. 1 
 also then will " stand still and see the salvation of God. Thy 
 will be done !" Yes, my adorable Ixjrd, strip me of every pen- 
 ny ; bring me not only to poverty, but what, I far more dread, 
 to insolvency. Yes ! strip me even of reputation ; let me be 
 as " the filth and offscouring of all things," only let me have 
 thy approval, and all shall be well. Yes, I will praise thee for 
 i ill, and most for the severe. 
 
 Oct. 18. Finding the family (which now consisted of men 
 and women, boys and girls) much laid on my mind ; in parti- 
 cular the children, some of the biggest of whom seemed getting 
 into snares ; and considering that several must soon (because 
 of my circumstances) be thrust out into the world, I spent some 
 time in pleading with the Lord, that he would not let the 
 expense and labour which had been laid out on these orphans 
 be all in vain, but that they might be truly brought to God ; 
 though I saw we must be dispersed, through the losses and 
 trials which are come upon me. The Bible lay open before me, 
 and I cast? my eyes on those words, which were applied with 
 power to my heart : " Yet, behold, there shall be a remnant 
 that shall be brought forth, both sons and daughters, behold, 
 they shall come forth unto thee, and thou shalt see their ways 
 and their doings ; and ye shall be comforted concerning the 
 evil I have brought on Jerusalem. And they shall comfort you 
 when you shall see their ways and their doings ; and ye shall 
 know that I have not done without cause, all that I have done, 
 saith the Lord." 
 
 Saturday, Nov. 6 I have received some upbraiding letters, 
 asking me if I yet believed I should see those words fulfilled, 
 " I will restore to you the ears the locusts have eaten." In 
 the midst of my trials, it is sometimes presented to my mind, 
 Perhaps the Lord will draw me out of all this by marriage. 
 Opportunities of this kind occur frequently ; but no sooner do 
 I hear the offer, but a clear light seems to shine on my mind, 
 as with this voice : You will neither be holier nor happier with 
 this man. But I find Mr. Fletcher sometimes brought before 
 me, and the same conviction does not intervene. His eminent 
 piety, and the remembrance of some little acts of friendship in 
 our first acquaintance, look to me sometimes like a pointing of 
 the finger of Providence. And yet I fear lest it should be a 
 trick of Satan to hurt my mind. I know not even that we shall 
 see each other on this side eternity. Lord, let me not be drawn 
 into a sn?.re ! Well, this I resolve on, to strive against the 
 thought ; ,tnd never to do the least thing toward a renewal of 
 our correspondence. No I will fix my eye on t he hundred
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 79 
 
 forty and four thousand; praying only to live and die to God 
 alone. Whatever is the will of God, I believe he mil show it 
 to me, and may his holy will be done. A few nights ago, as 
 my mind was burdened lest Satan was about to get an advan- 
 tage over me, I cried to the Lord, and felt much sorrow. In 
 order to compose my mind, (I did what I seldom do,) I prayed 
 the Lord to direct me in opening to some passage of Scripture 
 which might draw me to himself, and compose me into a quiet 
 frame. I took up, as I thought, a little Bible which lay before 
 me, but (by accident) one of the maids had put her small Com- 
 mon Prayerbook in the place. With prayer I opened it, and 
 cast my eyes on these words : " Almighty God, who at the 
 beginning did create our first parents, Adam and Eve, and did 
 sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour upon you the 
 riches of his grace, sanctify and bless you, that you may please 
 him both in body and soul, and live together in holy love unto 
 your lives' end." I was struck with the words ; but saw the 
 safest way was a quiet attention to the will of my God, on which 
 1 strove to lean my weary spirit. 
 
 Monday, November 8. My mind is this morning affected 
 in a solemn manner. It seems to me I have yet more of the 
 cross to expect, and more bitter cups to drink. O my Lord, 
 what breaking do I need ! Well, do all thy will, so I may but 
 feel that promise accomplished, Thou shalt walk with me in 
 white. Last night I went to bed recollected, and in the spirit 
 of prayer, but had a dream which I cannot understand, though 
 I believe it to be from God. Perhaps what I know not now 1 
 may know hereafter. I thought I was in a room with S. C., 
 A. T., and some others. Mr. Fletcher was there, sitting with 
 us, and speaking of the things relating to a walk with God. 
 At last he said, as it were abruptly, " I must go to Bristol : will 
 any of you go with me ]" A woman who sat by him said, " No, 
 not for the world. You know not what you will have to suffer : 
 the devil walks there, and you will have all the powers of hell 
 to grapple with." He replied, " I care not for ten thousand 
 devils, for the name of Jesus will conquer them all !" He then, 
 turning to me, said, " Will you go with me 7 Not to heip me 
 to fight, but to help me to praise." I replied, " I will o ; for 
 while we trust in Jesus, all the powers of hell cannot hann us." 
 I had no remembrance during my dream of his being a single 
 man, or any thing that had passed in my mind before. In all 
 I said and did, I seemed acted upon by another spirit rather 
 than my own. 
 
 November 15. In reading Mr. Elliott's Life this day, I 
 received a fresh conviction, how blessed an employment it ig 
 to receive and comfort the messengers of the Lord, who have 
 left their houses, and all the conveniences of life, to preach the 
 Gospel. God hath given me a home, though Christ had not
 
 80 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 where to lay his head ; and here I have the honour and privi- 
 lege of giving a cup of water to his prophets. Lord, teach me 
 to do it with more diligence ! 
 
 December 2. This day, as brother Bramah was meeting my 
 band, he related an anecdote of a young man, which was blest 
 to me. He was leader of a band of young men, all desirous of 
 giving their whole hearts to God ; but it eemed to them they 
 could not see the way clearly. One night he dreamed he was 
 at the bottom of a deep but dry well, with his little company. 
 He told them if they remained there they must perish, and 
 exhorted them to strive hard to get out. Accordingly they 
 exerted all their strength, endeavouring to get up, but all in 
 vain. At last they were quite discouraged, and said, " What 
 must we do 1" " Truly," said he, " I know not ;" but looking 
 up, he saw in the sky a little bright spot which did not appear 
 larger than half a crown. He looked at it for some time, when 
 feeling himself move, he looked down into the well, and found 
 to his surprise he was risen some feet from the bottom. As 
 soon however as he looked down he began to sink again. " O," 
 said he, " now I have found the way out of the well ! It is by 
 looking steadily on yonder bright spot ;" on which fixing his 
 eye, he was brought up in a short time, and his feet were set 
 on firm ground. This discovery of the way of faith, was great- 
 ly blessed both to him and his brethren. I am convinced, could 
 I thus constantly look to Jesus, as the author and finisher of 
 my faith, the work of sanctification would be going on without 
 hinderance. 
 
 December 17. Last Friday I went to Leeds to meet some 
 classes. O how much do I suffer for every meeting I propose ! 
 The enemy follows me hard with such buffeting fears and dis- 
 couragements as I cannot express. However, I determined to 
 go, and leave the event to God. At Mrs. C.'s many came in to 
 tea, and being a mixed company, I thought, Lord, give me 
 something profitable to say, or keep me silent ; and blessed be 
 God it was a profitable time. After tea Iconversed alone with 
 one in deep distress, and read in the providences she men- 
 tioned, a wonderful display of the wisdom, condescension, and 
 guardian care of the Lord Jesus. When I returned into the 
 dining room, a large class was ready for me, and the Lord was 
 very present. Glory be to his name, he never fails his poor 
 unworthy dust ! Then Mrs. Clapham asked me if my strength 
 would hold out to meet the children. I assented, and also found 
 some liberty. Immediately I began the second class, and there 
 I found the Lord was very good indeed ; but my strength almost 
 failed. After the people w.ere gone, I talked closely with Mr. 
 H. ; I trust not quite in vain. It being now late, we got a little 
 supper, and went to bed. I had but little rest, being very fever- 
 ish. Indeed I am seldom well in a town. Next day we visited
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 81 
 
 several in peculiar states and circumstances, and here also I 
 saw the Lord's hand. In the afternoon I returned home in 
 peace. 
 
 December 20. This was on the whole a good day. Taking 
 some time in the Hermitage, my soul was refreshed. My situ- 
 ation is perplexing ; but I feel myself calmly fixed on the will 
 of God. I can, I do, believe he will not let me take any step 
 that is not for his glory. And if I do not get out of his order,- 
 I care for nothing else. 
 
 December 30. Waked early, and after losing some time, 
 (though kept from unprofitable thoughts,) I arose about five, 
 and was blessed in prayer ; but afterward found myself very 
 stupid, dull, and heavy. I went to see some sick people, and 
 their words were animating. I was humble while they record- 
 ed several meetings in which my words had been blessed to 
 them. O my God, let me not help others into liberty, and my- 
 self remain in bondage. I heard also' to-day of some in Leeds 
 that were brought into a fuller measure of love, and that they 
 had been blessed ever since my being there. All ! Lord, how 
 will this rise against me if I am not filled with thee ! On all 
 sides I hear of my words being blessed, and yet I am only a 
 poor . pipe through which it passes. Lord, let me never 'rest" 
 till I nave full redemption in thy blood. Sometimes all my 
 soul is on the stretch; but then I rest again, and other cares 
 my heart divide. How long ! O Lord ! How long ! 
 
 January 1, 1774. And do I yet see another year ? Lord, 
 with what improvement ? Shine on my soul, while I examine 
 for an answer. Blessed be thy name ! I have more faith than 
 last year, I have more power, and my mouth is more open to 
 speak for thee. I am more deeply convinced of my vileness, 
 which is such as none can conceive. I am also more on stretch 
 for holiness. 
 
 January 15, Friday night. This day I set apart as a fast. 
 All the morning I was tossed much with thoughts of temporal 
 difficulties, R. T. being quite unwilling to come into any scheme 
 I can propose. In the afternoon I found more liberty in prayer ; 
 I was as in an agony. I said, " Lord, if it can be consistent 
 with thy justice to make such a sinner as I entirely holy, do it ! 
 Do it for thy name's sake ! Give me once more what thou 
 gavest me at Hoxton. Do it, Lord ! in thy own way ; I sub- 
 mit myself to any condition ; only make and keep me holy." 
 My life seemed as if it would go from me, and my hands were 
 so strained by the grasp, (which I afterward found they had of 
 each other,) that I could hardly use them for some time. But 
 I did not gain the blessing I wanted. 
 
 February 6. Blessed be my adorable Saviour, I am kept 
 from all condemnation. I feel I am so born of God, I do not 
 Commit sin. But I have not that liberty of aoul, that cloee
 
 82 THE LIFE OF [FART III. 
 
 communion which I want, and believe to be my privilege. O 
 my Saviour, shine more clearly ! let me fully enter into the 
 good land ! 
 
 Saturday, February 19. Glory be to God, I have been kept 
 in peace this week, and my soul seems nearer to God. Yet I 
 do not seem to have got " salvation appointed for walls and 
 bulwarks ;" I am but a little child. But, " Lord, I am thine, 
 save me." As to my outward affairs, they are not now such a 
 weight, I have cast them on the Lord, and I embrace his will. 
 He, without whom "a sparrow does not fall to the ground," 
 will not leave nor forsake his poor helpless creature. 
 
 Monday, 22. Yesterday was a day of trial. Mr. * * * preach- 
 ed at Morley, and then came here. He really grows in grace, 
 and his word is attended with power. I was much pained in 
 conversing with him to see the grief of mind occasioned by his 
 attachment. O my God, indulge me in this ! Show me some 
 way out of this embarrassment. 
 
 Saturday, 27. A solemn day to my soul. I was kept in 
 peace while busy in domestic affairs. Home always agrees 
 with my soul. It is seven weeks to-morrow, since I have been 
 constantly kept as the clay before the potter : yet still how far 
 below my privilege I live ! 
 
 Sunday, September 26. I did not rise quite in so spiritual a. 
 frame as I wished. Lord, let me not lose ground. I was bless- 
 ed in the meeting afterward ; and in reading the 'Essay on 
 Truth, in Mr. Fletcher's Equal Check, page 162. Lord, give 
 me to live in that constant act of faith ! It is the very mar- 
 row of the Gospel. How delightfully it is distinguished from 
 Antinomian presumption ! It has of a truth been food to my 
 soul. In prayer this night I found power to lay open all my 
 troubles before the Lord, and to take fast hold on that word", 
 " Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and 
 all these things shall be added unto you." I cannot tell how 
 to express the power I felt in those words, All these things .' 
 I saw Jesus had undertaken my whole cause. 
 
 December. I feel my faith rather increased. I have this 
 day been examining the state of my soul as to the progress I 
 have made this year, and inquiring of the Lord why I do not 
 grow much faster, and sink into a much deeper acquaintance 
 with God. It appears to me that the reason is, I do not valiant- 
 ly resist every thought that presents itself, but suffer my eyes 
 to be turned off from my Saviour. In particular, I lose much 
 time in searching for ways out of my present trials. It seem? 
 often a duty to do so ; and my mind is carried away, till 
 recalled by that word, " Thou canst not make one hair white 
 or black." 
 
 February 1, 1775. I was much blessed at the Wednesday 
 meeting. For some time these words have been with txs
 
 ?ART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 83 
 
 " Delight thyself in the Lord, and he will give thee the desire 
 of thy heart." 
 
 February 28. I fear my soul has lost ground this month, O 
 what a narrow path do we tread ! How true also is that word, 
 Without me ye can do nothing ! In the beginning of this 
 month I wrote that precious word, Delight thyself in the Lord ; 
 but, alas ! instead of delight, I feel sorrow of heart ! A little 
 time since I had a particular trial with * * *. What was pro- 
 posed seemed hard and unreasonable ; and I forgot the Chris- 
 tian motto, " Do good, and suffer ill." I got my eye turned 
 off from Jesus, and then I no longer felt the love that never 
 faileth. This deeply wounded me. At night I felt a drop of 
 healing balm, but my spirit remains to this day much discou- 
 raged. 
 
 May. / am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My affairs 
 are perplexing indeed ! Yet something seems to say, It is for 
 an appointed time. But all this I should not regard, if my 
 soul was always filled with love. I sometimes seem to get all 
 obstacles removed, and then I reflect the image of my Saviour, 
 and all is quiet, calm, and peace. Floods of trial do not seem 
 to move me. But though I thus taste of the pure river now 
 and then, I do not abide in the faith, and therefore I do not 
 abide in liberty. 
 
 May 28. This day I set apart for prayer, to inquire of the 
 Lord, why I am so held in bondage about speaking in public. 
 It cannot be expressed what I suffer, it is known only to God 
 what trials I go through in that respect. Lord, give me more 
 humility, and then I shall not care for any thing but thee ! 
 There are a variety of reasons why it is such a cross. The 
 other day one told me, " He was sure I must be an impudent 
 woman ; no modest woman, he was sure, could proceed thus." 
 Ah ! how glad would nature be to find out, Thou, Lord, dost 
 not require it ! Mr. William Bramah observed to-day, " The 
 reason why your witness is not more clear, is because you do 
 not glorify God by believing, and more freely declaring what 
 he hath done for your soul." He spake much on these words, 
 " What things soever ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive 
 them, and ye shall have them." His words came with power, 
 and my soul got a farther hold on Jesus. I do see that by his 
 death he hath purchased perfect salvation for all who believe ; 
 and that we receive it in proportion as we thus believe. " Be 
 it unto you 'according to your faith," is the word of the Lord. 
 Then I will, I do cast my whole soul on thee ! O let me find 
 salvation as walls and bulwarks ! 
 
 September 10, Sunday. I rose this morning with a sore 
 
 weight on my mind. It was given out for me to be at D . 
 
 There was much wind and rain, and the roads were very bad. 
 I feared the journey. I feared also I should have nothing to
 
 84 THE LIFE OF [PART HI. 
 
 say when I came there ; I feared all manner of things. Those 
 words, however, came to my mind, " Take no thought what ye 
 shall say." I then felt myself led to consider these words, 
 ' Repent ! for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." I found 
 some liberty in speaking from them, and the people were affect- 
 ed. ' As I was riding back, I clearly saw I was called to stand 
 still ; to live the present moment, and always to praise the 
 Lord that his will was done, though I might have much to 
 suffer. I had a clear conviction, God brought me to Yorkshire, 
 and that I had a message to this people : and that notwith- 
 standing the darkness which hung over my situation, I was at 
 present where God would have me. WeU then, answered my 
 heart, if I am but in his will I am safe ; for where the Lord 
 leads me, there he will be my light. 
 
 September 12, Tuesday. This day I am thirty-six years 
 old. I have been throughout the day kept in the spirit of 
 prayer. Lord, I offer up myself, body and soul, to thee ! It 
 came to me, Thy captivity is long. Well, I will wait thy 
 time, O Lord ! 
 
 November 5, Sunday. Did not rise early, but was kept 
 recollected. In the morning I was watchful as to words, but 
 at noon I talked too long with A. T. That is an admirable 
 rule of Mr. Wesley's, never to be more than an hour in the 
 same company where it can be avoided. I also spoke some 
 evil of M. M. by repeating what was not needful. O when 
 shall I know what that meaneth, " He that offendeth not in 
 word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the 
 whole body." 
 
 November 12, Sunday. Went to bed late last night, but in 
 a degree recollected, though rather hurried with fear lest I 
 should lie too long in the morning. When I rose, I found the 
 
 weather was very severe. However, I went to A . The 
 
 extreme cold almost took away my senses. Yet we had a com- 
 fortable meeting, and many people. 
 
 January 5," 1776. I find it very hard to be recollected in 
 private prayer. To-day I tried the following plan with some 
 advantage. I placed my watch on the bed, that I might know 
 when the hour was out. I first strove to consider myself as 
 in the presence,: of God, as before the throne, worshipping 
 with the heavenly host. Then I strove with recollection to 
 repeat the Lord's prayer, giving each sentence full scope in 
 my ..lind. In the words, Our Father, I felt a powerful remem- 
 brance of Him, " after whom the whole family in heaven and 
 earth is named," and with delight I then repeated, Hallowed 
 be thy name ! That sentence, Thy kingdom come, was roach 
 opened to my soul. I see that kingdom is the great promise 
 of the Father, which Christ said he would send upon nis chil- 
 dren. That indeed is " the kingdom which suffers violence
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 85 
 
 and the violent take it by force." As I repeated, Thy will be 
 done on earth as it is in heaven, I felt 
 
 " The will of God my sure defence, 
 Nor earth nor hell can pluck me thence." 
 
 Give us this day our daily bread. Is he not our own Father ? 
 Is he not engaged to provide for his babes ? Well then, thought 
 I, freedom from debt is more to me than bread, and will he not 
 preserve me from this 1 It was then brought to my mind, " The 
 Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." In the next petition, 
 Forgive me as I forgive, Oh ! what a cry did I feel for more 
 love ! Lord, must I say, 
 
 " That mercy I to others show 
 That mercy show to me." 
 
 Ah no ! I will rather cry out, 
 
 " Mercy, good Lord ! mercy I ask, 
 
 It is the total sum ; 
 For mercy. Lord, is all my plea, 
 O let thy mercy come !" 
 
 " With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you 
 again !" O how would that cut ine off from all hope, were it 
 not for those words, " The bloocJ of Jesus cleanseth from all 
 sin !" Lead us not into temptation. How hath this prayer 
 been answered to me ! HOW would I have ran into ruin, but 
 thou didst not suffer the cemptation to approach. Thou didst 
 keep my powers as with bit and bridle, and conquered for 
 me ; and that whe I did not strive, or even know my danger. 
 But deliver us from evil. Lord, I am a desolate woman, who 
 hath no helper but thee. O keep me from evil of every kind ; 
 "thoroughly purge away my dross, and take away all my tin." 
 For all is thine for ever and ever. This I am assured of, 
 when the soul turns inward to seek the Lord, that moment he 
 turns to it and smiles upon it ; and if it abide with him, it will 
 always grow. But as of a healthy child, one does not see it 
 grow, and yet it doth ; so the soul, surrounded by temptation, 
 may not discover its growth ; nevertheless the sun does not 
 more freely give its light and warmth to the earth, than the 
 beams of the immaterial Sun meets the seeking soul. 
 
 January 21. I went to-day to see some sick, among whom 
 was the mother of a young man, who, about four years ago, 
 came to our Sunday night's meeting. It pleased the Lord to 
 awaken him, and soon after he died happy. On his death bed 
 he entreated his mother and sister, that they would attend the 
 meetings as he had done. Some time after, the eldest sis'ei 
 came to me for advice among the other patients. Conversing 
 with her, I perceived she had some convictions, and invited 
 her to meet with a few persons which I had collected. She did 
 so, and seemed to drink in instruction as the parched ground 
 8-
 
 86 THE LIFE or [PART HI. 
 
 the softening shower. After a few weeks she was set at liber- 
 ty. She was now desirous her mother might share in her 
 felicity. She begged me to visit her, as she was too infirm to 
 come out. Accordingly I went, but found her so ignorant, and 
 so exceedingly weak as to her understanding, that it seemed 
 almost impossible to do her any good. After some time, she 
 appeared under some concern ; and her complaint then was, 
 to use her own words, " O that I could but get a smile from 
 God !" Her convictions continued to increase, and she would 
 cry, " O what shall I do 7 Shall I never be saved ! O how 
 easily did Betty come to it, while I cannot get one smile, not 
 one look from God ! The face of the Almighty is all dark to 
 me, as dark as darkness itself." The Lord was then pleased 
 to lay her on a sick bed, in a very painful disorder. Finding 
 nothing gave her any relief, and believing she must die, she 
 was in great distress, and said to her daughter, " My dear, my 
 pain is greater than I can bear ! I cannot live over this night. 
 I pray thee go to mistress, and see if she can order me some- 
 thing." " O mother," said she, " I know not how to go, we 
 have had so much in former illnesses. I fear it will seem as 
 if we were imposing on her ; let me go to the doctor again !" 
 The old woman lying in gr^at distress, at length cried out, 
 " Thou wilt order me a medicine, Lord ! I can believe thou 
 wilt. But shall I have no share ii\ thy glory 1" Then, as she 
 expressed it, " It went through my mind with power, ' I will 
 have mercy on thee ! I will receive thee at the eleventh hour !' 
 O what did I then feel ! Such comfort carne over me as 1 can 
 never tell. I did not mind the pain, I believed it would be 
 removed. But my soul ! O ! what a change did it feel ! Why, 
 the dark face of God was all light. ! I thought before, that he 
 hated me for my sins ; but now I saw he loved me. Yes, I 
 saw he had loved me all my life, and had been inviting me to 
 come to him ; but I did not understand. And now, O ! how 1 
 love him ! Yes, I love my God better than I ever loved my best 
 bairn (child). O it is a brave thing! And what a change it 
 makes ! Why, one is quite a new creature ! And it has made 
 me see things quite different from what I did before. I used 
 to chafe and fret, when any thing went wrong, and thought 
 things were very hard ; but now I see nothing is hard ; all is 
 love ! So ".. never do complain now."* 
 
 * As it was in the days of the personal ministry of the Son of God, so it is in 
 these his Spirit's Gospel days : " He hides those things from the wise and pru- 
 dent, and r i-^ealelh them unto babes. The weary and heavy laden, who believe," 
 Matt, xi, 'i5 -30. How easy it is to forget this ! How hard to keep it in remem- 
 brance, and to allow it its due weight ! Did ever any man, since the days of St. 
 Paul, more fully, or more constantly, appreciate this than Mr. Wesley 7 It was 
 the principle that governed and directed his whole life and labours : and on which 
 account he denominated the fruit of those labours, " The tcork of God." A work 
 which he began, supported, and prospered ; and in respect to which Mr. Welfiy
 
 PART III.) MRS. FLETCHER. 87 
 
 Her daughter came to me, and told me (as well as she could) 
 how her mother was ; but her disorder was so peculiar, and so 
 badly described, that I was on the point of saying, I cannot do 
 any thing for her, when all at once a mixture came into my 
 mind. I went and made it up. The first spoonful gave her 
 ease ; and soon after quite removed the disorder. All I can 
 way on this extraordinary case is, the Lord would have it so. 
 The medicine was not an opiate, but in itself a very simple 
 thing ; but when the Lord will bless, who shall stay his hand 1 
 Thou art a God who hears and answers prayer. 
 
 January 30. Last night I met the classes at A . Much 
 
 of the power of the Lord was present. But, Oh ! I am not 
 what I would be, Lord ! How is it I seem to get so slowly 
 forward ! This morning I rose early, and found it good. Self- 
 denial agrees with my soul, but I use too little of it. 
 
 February 4. Last Wednesday I had a remarkable preserva- 
 tion. Going to take my bark mixture, my mind being much 
 taken up with what I had been writing, I took a bottle ot 
 laudanum, which through a strange providence was not then 
 locked up, a circumstance which seldom happens. I took four 
 tea spoonfuls and a half of it. As soon as 1 had swallowed it, 
 I perceived what it was ; and thought I must take a large dose 
 of ipecacuanha. I looked for it, but could not find it, though 
 it stood very near me. I knew my life depended on the present 
 moment ; and thought, perhaps the Lord has appointed to take 
 me this way. I found my mind calmly stayed on God, and 
 those words came arrnss it, " These signs shall follow those 
 that believe : if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt 
 them." I went into Mrs. Crosby's room, and told them what 
 had happened. Having medicines in the parlour, we went 
 down to look there for the ipecacuanha, but there was none. 
 We returned to my room, and found it. I took about thirty 
 .grains. We then joined in prayer. For half an hour it had no 
 effect. I thought it would then have no power, as the opiate 
 must in that time have taken hold of the nerves of the stomach. 
 But it soon after operated, and brought up (it seems) both the 
 laudanum and ipecacuanha. Fearing the whole had not come 
 away, they gave me another dose ; but that had no effect at all. 
 I felt, however, not the least inconvenience. In the night, I u 
 little rambled, and was restless, but not ill. On the whole, it 
 was a comfortable dispensation. I had been always tempted 
 to think, if I should be called to face death in full health, I 
 should shrink from it. But now that I fully believed it to be 
 just before me, my soul did calmly wait on the Lord, though 
 not with joy, yet with quiet peace ! 
 
 Last night I dreamed, I was telling the Lord, he was the 
 
 notwithstanding his unparalleled activity always considered himself ai a mefq 
 passive instrument Eo.
 
 88 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 loadstone, and my soul the needle. That his will was the 
 north pole, to which my heart should turn, however tossed 
 about. To-day Miss Ritchie came. I have had some profit- 
 able conversation with her. She is indeed a blessed soul ; and 
 I feel more of the immediate presence of God since that con- 
 versation. 
 
 May 5. I had a meeting some days ago at B , where an . 
 
 odd circumstance occurred. I observed (as I was speaking on 
 these words, The Master is come, and calleth for thee) a 
 gentleman among the congregation, who looked with great 
 earnestness. As soon as the meeting was over, I rode home, 
 where I had not long been, till this man came after me. He is 
 a stranger, and came into these parts about business. He felt 
 a great alarm in his soul ; and declared he had always before 
 thought himself very righteous ; but he now feared he should 
 go to hell ; and insisted on telling me his whole life, and con- 
 fessing (as he termed it) all his sins. He was very long ; and 
 I feared there was in his mind a mixture of insanity. He told 
 ifte he was building a house for an assembly, but he would go 
 home, and turn it into a preaching house, if I would come and 
 speak in it, that his neighbours might get the light he had got. 
 I strove to prevail on him to return to the friend's house from, 
 whence he came, and to set off the next morning for his own 
 country, where he told me he had a good wife and family; but 
 he insisted he would not leave me till he had found the Lord ! 
 At length he said he felt some comfort, and would go and spend 
 most of the night in prayer. Next morning he was more calm ; 
 and on my promising to answer him if he wrote to me, he went 
 away. Satan made use of this occurrence to bring me into 
 discouragement respecting public speaking; but some years 
 after, I heard a most pleasing account of this gentleman, That 
 he had indeed turned his assembly house into a Methodist 
 preaching house, and that himself and family were joined to 
 the society. 
 
 June 11, Tuesday. Mrs. Westerman came here on the 
 Thursday before Whitsunday, and stayed ten days. She came 
 in full expectation of a blessing; and in the Sunday night 
 meeting, as I was in the last prayer, I felt it on my mind to 
 plead with the Lord, that he would seal some soul as his abode 
 thai, night. Ju?t then the answer came. She felt the heart 
 of stone taken away, and has ever since wycyced with exceed- 
 
 ing joy. Tuesday I went to B . Wrien we came, we 
 
 found the man at whose house we were to have been, died that 
 morning. A lother offered his barn, though with seeming fear ; 
 but when we came to the house, he either could not, or would 
 not find the key. So we stood in an open place, 'vith some 
 serious people from other parts, and some of the careless 
 inhabitant*. However, all behaved well and I found liberty in
 
 PART III.] MJIS. FLETCHER. 89 
 
 enforcing those words, "Acquaint now thyself with God, and 
 be ait peace, hereby good shall come unto thee." 
 
 July SO.This day I found a good deal of liberty in prayer, 
 especially in pleading, " If it be thy will I should be holy, if 
 it be the great design of thy death, Oh then let it all be 
 answered on thy poor creature ! Let all thy will be done !" 
 It seems to me I fall short in every thing. I am continually 
 making rules and plans, and yet I keep to none with any degree 
 of exactness. Nevertheless, I see it well to make them ; for 
 though I never come up to what I propose, yet I always gain 
 something ; every fresh effort seems to put me a little forward. 
 I have of late been reading Dr. Cheyne's works ; I see self- 
 denial very beautiful, and of profit both for soul and body. 
 
 July 24. H. S. gave a good account of the work wrought 
 on her soul. I think it is about three months ago I provi- 
 dentially met with her in a class, which I went to meet about 
 a mile from home. She appeared that night all ear, and quite 
 awakened to the desire of loving God with all her heart. I 
 felt much liberty in conversing with her, and asked her to come 
 to the meeting, which she did the first opportunity, and seemed 
 quite broke down ; expressing herself in such a manner con- 
 cerning her inbred sin, as plainly showed the Lord had plucked 
 away every covering. While we were at prayer, she felt a 
 degree of living faith ; and last night she gave the following 
 account : " After I left you I was very happy. I went to bed, 
 wondering at the great miracle Jesus had wrought in saving 
 such a sinner. When I awoke in the morning, (Oh what a 
 precious morning to me !) I had an impression as if my dear 
 Lord stood just by me, and said, ' I will cause all my goodness 
 to pass before thee.' T cried out, ' Oh it is thee, my Lord !' 
 Then the words came to me, ' I have set thee as a signet 
 upon mine arm, as a seal upon my heart. Thy sun shall no 
 more go down. I will be thine everlasting light, and thy God, 
 thy glory.' Oh what rapture did I feel, and so I do still ! He 
 is all day long speaking so sweetly to me, and I have such 
 views of his glorious love as I cannot express. Oh never sure 
 did the Lord do such a miracle ! For I do believe there never 
 was such a vile polluted creature as I have been !"* 
 
 August 30. Yesterday it was given out for IK? to be at . 
 
 For a whole month it lay on my mind. None, O my God, but 
 thyself, knows -what I go through for every public meeting ! I 
 arti often quite ill with the prospect. When the day came, the 
 wind was violent, which is a thing I have a great fear of, because 
 it so affects my head ; for after riding several miles in it, I am 
 scarcely in my senses. And I suppose it is worse to me, not 
 having been used to ride on horseback till I came into Vcrk- 
 
 * There are ten thousand happy belrtvers that would dispute that point with 
 hr. ED. 
 
 8*
 
 90 THE LIFE OF [PART 11T. 
 
 shire. A little before I set out, I said, " O Lord, thou canst 
 still the wind ; but thy will be done." When we had got about 
 a hundred yards from the house, the wind fell, and we had no 
 more trouble from it all the way. My hearing was much 
 affected at this time, so that I feared I should not be able to 
 converse with any person. But before I got to the place, my 
 hearing was as good as ever it was in my Dfe, and I was not 
 at all fatigued ! There were many persons got together ; and 
 after spending about two hours with them, the time for the 
 meeting drew on. We went to a barn prepared for that pur- 
 pose by the kind friend who had invited us. There was a good 
 congregation ; and I found some enlargement in speaking on 
 those words which came then to my mind, " Hath the Lord as 
 much delight in sacrifices and burnt offerings as in obeying the 
 voice of the Lord ? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, 
 and to hearken than the fat of rams." As I was speaking on 
 the word hearken, I felt the Lord peculiarly present. The 
 people would fain have had me stay all night ; but for some 
 reasons I thought it better to return ; which we immediately 
 did, and reached home a little before eleven. 
 
 September 7, Tuesday. Glory be to God ! this has been a 
 comfortable day. My soul is sweet in expectation that I shall 
 be filled with the Spirit ; and that 1 shall yet see the time, 
 when by my whole life I shall bring glory to God. I feel 
 power to abandon my whole cause into his hand. O Lord, 
 thou hast undertaken for me ; I feel thou hast ; I feel also 
 great resignation as to the life or death of thy dear servant. 
 O keep him, Lord, as the apple of thine eye. I believe thou 
 wilt order all right ; and I shall regard him with an immortal 
 friendship, that will be free from snares, and all divine. But 
 it is strange, when I am offering him up, the words come, 
 " The prayer of faith shall heal the sick, and the Lord shall 
 raise him up." I do not understand, but / stand still. 
 
 September 14. Yesterday I was a good deal oppressed. I 
 had undertaken to meet the old members of our society apart, 
 and to propose to them a renewal of our covenant ; to set our 
 hearts and hands afresh to the work of God. Glory be to his 
 name, I was carried better through it than I could have hoped 
 for. Some little touches of enthusiasm were beginning to creep 
 in among us, which I thought the more dangerous, as the 
 meeting now grows very numerous, members being added from 
 all sides. Yet was it a great trial for me to have to reprove 
 them, 1. Because many are much farther advanced in grace 
 than I am. 2. I was deeply conscious it is one of the most 
 delicate subjects in the world, and requires both much wis- 
 dota and mucn love, to extinguish false fire, and yet to keep 
 up the true All the day I kept pleading before the Lord, 
 ipoetly in these words of Solomon, " Ah ! Lord, how shall
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 91 
 
 I, who ana but a child, go in and out before this thy chosen 
 people ?" 
 
 September 17, Tuesday. Glory be to thee, my faithful 
 Lord ! Oh that I could always trust ! Then I should always 
 praise ! Last Sabbath morning I went, according to appoint- 
 ment, to Goker. I arose early, and in pretty good health. The 
 day \v:as fine, though rather hot. About eleven we came to 
 Huddersfield, and called on Mrs. H. She had asked me to 
 Jodge there on my return, and have a meeting, saying, many 
 had long desired it, and there would be no preacher there on 
 that day. I felt immediately the people laid on my mind, and 
 that I had a message to that place, and said, if the Lord 
 permit, I will. She then said, "We will give it out at noon.'' 
 We rode forward. Benjamin Cock met us, and kindly con- 
 ducted us over the moors. When we came to his hut, all was 
 clean, and victuals enough provided for twenty men. But I was 
 so heated with the ride, (near twenty miles,) and with the great 
 fire on which they so liberally cooked for us, that I could not 
 eat. My drinking nothing but water seemed also quite to dis- 
 tress them. They said the meeting had been given out in many 
 places, and they believed we should have between two and 
 three thousand people. That I did not believe ; but there 
 was indeed such a number, and of such a rabble as I scarce 
 ever saw. At one we went out to the rocks, a place so wild 
 that I cannot describe it. The crowd which got round us was 
 so great, that by striving which should get first to the quarry, 
 (where we were to meet,) they rolled down great stones among 
 the people below us, so that we feared mischief would be done. 
 Blessed be God, none were hurt ! I passed on among them on the 
 top of the hill, not knowing whither I went. T\vice I was pushed 
 down by the crowd, but rose without being trampled on. We 
 stopped on the edge of a spacious quarry filled with people, 
 \vlio were tolerably quiet. I gave out that hymn, The Lord 
 my pasture shall prepare, &c. When they were a little 
 settled, I found some liberty in speaking to them ; and I believe 
 most heard. As we returned into the house, numbers followed^, 
 and filled it so full we could not stir. I conversed with them, 
 but could not get much answer. They stood like people in 
 amaze, and seemed as if they could never have enough Many 
 wept and said, "When will you come again 1" We then sot off 
 for Huddersfield. I felt very much fatigued, and begau to ihink, 
 how shall I be able to fulfil my word there ? As we rode along, 
 brother Taylor said, " I think I ought to tell you my mind. I 
 wish we could ride through Huddersfield, and not stop. For I 
 know there are some there who do not like women to speak 
 among them, and I fear you will meet with somsthing dis- 
 agreeable." I looked to the Lord, and received, as it sesmed 
 to me, the following direction : If I have a word to speak from
 
 92 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 him, he will make my way. If not, the door will be shut. I am 
 only to show the meekness of wisdom, and leave all to God. 
 Those words then came with power to my mind, 
 
 " The Lord my pasture shall prepare. 
 And feed me with a shepherd's care : 
 His presence shall my wants supply. 
 And guard me with a watchful eye ; 
 My noonday walks he shall attend. 
 And all my midnight hours defend." 
 
 When we got to Huddersfield, I told them the conversation 
 we had had by the way, and the posture of my mind ; which 
 was calm as the limpid stream, and quiet as an infant. I per- 
 ceived his fears were not groundless, and said, " Well, my 
 friends, I will do as you will, either stay with you this night, 
 or go forward directly, for I follow a lamb-like Lord, and I 
 would imitate his life and spirit." They said, they believed 
 but few of the principal persons had any objection ; and the 
 people much desired it ; besides, as it had been given out at 
 noon, there would be a great many strangers, whom it would 
 not be well to disappoint. It was then agreed that we should 
 have the meeting in the house, where they usually had the 
 preaching ; but when we came there the crowd was very great, 
 and the place so hot, that I feared I should not be able to speak 
 at all. I stood still and left all to God. A friend gave out a 
 hvmn ; during which some fainted away. Brother Taylor said, 
 " I perceive it is impossible for us to stay within doors, the 
 people cannot bear the heat, and there are more without than 
 are within." We then came out. My head swam with the 
 heat ; I scarce knew which way I went, but seemed carried 
 along by the people, till we stopped at a horseblock, placed 
 against a wall on the side of the street, with a plain wide open- 
 ing before it. On the steps of this I stood, and gave out, " Come, 
 ye sinners, poor and needy," &c. While the people were sing- 
 ing the hymn, I felt a renewed conviction to speak in the name 
 of the Lord. My bodily strength seemed to return each mo- 
 ment. I felt no weariness, and my voice was stronger than in 
 the morning, while I was led to enlarge on these words, " The 
 Lord is our Judge, the Lord is our Lawgiver, the Lord is our 
 King, he will save us." I felt great enlargement while endea- 
 vouring to show the purity of our Judge, whose eyes could 
 endure no iniquity. That as a Lawgiver he was just and holy, 
 and the thing gone out of his lips must stand : The soul that 
 sinneth shall die. But the Lord is also our King, and he will 
 " save us. First, by convincing us of the purity of 'his law, and 
 the justness of our punishment, \vho have broken it. Secondly, 
 by making us tremble before that Judge, W 7 hose eyes are as a 
 flame of lire. Thirdly, by leading us to Him, who is our "Ad- 
 vocate with the Father. Jesus Christ the righteous," who now
 
 PART III;] MRS. FLETCHER. 93 
 
 manifests himself to the soul, as the propitiation for our sins. 
 And, fourthly, as a King, he goes on in the believer conquering 
 and to conquer, till the eternal reign of Jesus commences in the 
 soul ; which, as the " morning light, grows brighter and brighter 
 unto the perfect day ;" till " the perfect love which casts out 
 all fear," marks the soul as the abode and " habitation of God 
 through the Spirit." Deep solemnity sat on every face, I 
 think there were scarce a cough to be heard, or the least mo- 
 tion ; though the number gathered was very great. So solemn 
 a tune I have seldom known ; my voice was clear enough to 
 reach them all ; and when we concluded, I felt stronger than 
 when we began. 
 
 They then desired me to speak to each of the women joined 
 in the society, which took me till near ten. The room we went 
 into for that purpose was a damp stone floor, so that I could 
 hardly move my legs when I came out. But they kindled a. 
 fire, and after getting some refreshment I grew better. About 
 twelve I went to bed, and rested under the shadow of the 
 Almighty tHl morning, when I found myself remarkably well. 
 After having breakfasted with brother Goldthorp, where we had 
 a lively conversation concerning holiness, I came home with 
 much thankfulness and peace. 
 
 October 8. I was to-day at Clackhigh-town, and saw the 
 hand of the Lord in many things. I have been more abun- 
 dantly led to reflect on the difficulties of the path I am called 
 in. I know the power of God which I felt when standing on 
 the horseblock in the steet at Huddersfield : but at the same 
 time I am conscious how ridiculous I must appear in the eyes 
 of many for so doing. Therefore, if some persons consider me 
 as an impudent woman, and represent me as such, I cannoc 
 blame them. Again, many say, If you are called to preach, 
 why do you not do it constantly, and take a round as a preach- 
 er ? I answer, Because that is not my call. I have many duties 
 to attend to, and many cares which they know nothing about. 
 I must therefore leave myself to His guidance who hath the sole 
 right of disposing of me. Again they say, " Why do you not 
 give out, I am to preach ? Why call it a meeting ]" I answer, : 
 Because that suits my design best. First, It is less ostenta- 
 tious. Secondly, It leaves mo at liberty to speak more or lees, 
 as-I feel myself led. Thirdly, It gives less offence to those 
 who watch for it. Others object, " Why, youra is a Quaker 
 call ; why then do you not join them at once ? You are an 
 offence to us. Go to the people whose call is the same is your 
 own ; here nobody can bear with you." I answer, Though I 
 believe the Quakers have still a good deal of God among them. 
 yet, I think the Spirit of the Lord is more at work among the 
 Methodists ; and while I see this, though they were to toss me 
 about as a football, I would stick to them like a leech. Besides,
 
 94 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 I do nothing but what Mr. Wesley approves ; and as to reproach 
 thrown by some on me, what have I to do with it, but quietly 
 go forward, saying, I will be still more vile, if my Lord requires 
 it 7 Indeed for none but thee, my Lord, would I take up this 
 sore cross. But thou hast done more for me. O do thy owr 
 will upon me in all tilings ! Only make me what thou wouldet 
 have me to be ! Only make me holy, and then lead me as thou 
 wilt! 
 
 August, 1777. I heard Mr. Wesley preach from these words, 
 " Dearly beloved, as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from flesh- 
 ly lusts which war against the soul." A sweet discourse it 
 was, showing the great danger of every earthly gratification. 
 This lesson, he said, might be learned even from the body. As 
 often as we take down food, we swallow so many seeds of 
 death, by causing so many more particles of earth to adhere to, 
 and clog our vessels, and so hasten our dissolution. And with- 
 out great watclifulness so it would be with our souls. If we 
 were not on our guard, human comforts received would also 
 bring the soul nearer to death, instead of being a step to life. 
 It is truly said of worldly joy, " It does with powwful charm 
 hold down the mind, and sensualize the soul." 
 
 Sunday noon. I heard him on these words, "If thou canst 
 . believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." His 
 strength was wonderful, and much power attended the word 
 Lord, be the strength of thy dear servant, and his portion for 
 ever ! At night he lodged with us. 
 
 August 14. Last night dear Mr. Wesley came here again. 
 After supper he read a letter from Lady Maxwell, in which she 
 expresses a most sweet state of soul ; observing, that if the 
 name of Jesus is but mentioned, her heart is like the key of a 
 well tuned instrument, when its unison is touched. O how 
 sweet a progress has she made ! Lord, let me do so likewise I 
 
 Last Thursday Mr. Wesley preached at Daw Green, on " I 
 will give to every one of you according to your works." First,. 
 he considered, What were the works. Secondly, What the 
 reward. The works, he said, were threefold. First, What the 
 man is. Secondly, What he does. Thirdly, What he suffers 
 1. All he is, that is right, shall have its reward : all " the fruit 
 of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, long suffering, meekness, pa- 
 tience, faith, self-denial, fortitude ;" all these are the worK of 
 God, and all received through Christ, above all, love, which 
 is the image of God. 2. A ;i he does , all his works of piety and 
 mercy, all that is wrought in faith ; iiay, the most common 
 labours of his daily business, if done in a spirit of sacrifice, 
 shall not be forgotten ; for it is said of servants, by the Apostle, 
 for their encouragement, that when they " obey and serve men 
 with singleness of heart, they serve the Lord Jesus Christ.'' 
 3, All he suffers. Not one cross taken up in obedience to tht
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 95 
 
 will of God, but it shall have its reward. But what is the 
 reward? First, The very nature of each grace necessarily 
 brings its reward. The more faith, patience, courage, and 
 perseverance, the more holiness will be brought into the soul, 
 and consequently, the soul will be rendered more like God, and 
 more capable of fellowship with him : and in proportion to our 
 fellowship with God must be our happiness. But besides these, 
 there is a reward of infinite free mercy (over and above what 
 flows from inherent holiness) bestowed on each grace, and on 
 each action done for God, and each cross borne for his sake. 
 
 I felt it come with power to my soul. O for a full devoted- 
 ness to tkee, my God ! I see I am quietly to wait on thee, 
 though my crosses are very heavy in many ways. But the will 
 of the Lord be done ! 
 
 September 12. This day thirty-eight years I was born. 
 Solemn thought! O how far have I spent these thirty-eight 
 years for God ] What is my situation, outward and inward 1 
 Outward it is very trying ; my circumstances are very perplex- 
 ing. But I hold fast my former promises. " Christ charges 
 himself with all thy temporal affairs, while you 'charge your- 
 self with those that relate to his glory." I am determined to 
 make Zion my chief care, though I know not what the Lord 
 s about to do with me. I have a great family, and not an 
 income left sufficient to keep them, which obliges me to sink 
 something every year. The business hurts, instead of helping ; 
 and though Mr. *** is sure it will the next year do far other- 
 wise, I cannot believe it. It appears to me deliverance will 
 begin by bringing me out of this place, dividing the family, and 
 contracting my wide spread cares into one, viz. the cause of 
 God only. But how this will be brought about I know not ; 
 for though I keep putting out the children as fast as they grow 
 up, yet that is attended with much expense, and I have many 
 grown persons whom I know not how to provide for, nor find 
 any way to dispose of. They are good sincere souls, and they 
 live to God. Some of them also are very weak in body, and 
 advanced in years. When I have settled all the accounts, 1 
 arn led to believe, it will be the order of God for me to go down 
 to Bath and Bristol for six months. Nine months ago I got a 
 fall, which hath ma<le me in a degree lame ever since. Bath 
 may help that ; but I believe I have something to do for souls 
 in those places, and I shall be glad to be at a distance from 
 poor Mr. ***. O how sad it is ! i fear while he helps me, I 
 hurt him. Lord ! what a. situation is mine ! 
 
 But how is it with me inwardly 1 On the whole I have found 
 my mind more stayed on God this last year, and my confidence 
 in his loving protection is a good deal increased. That sore 
 temptation of fear, by which I have suffered so much in going 
 ^ut in the work of God, I have found a good deal removed by
 
 96 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 prayer. I have had freedom, and some success, in dealing wjth 
 souls. But I am not all athirst for full salvation?. I do not reel 
 that ardent desire after it which swallows up every other care 
 and desire. I have yet some prospects on earth, which I can- 
 not fully look over. They present themselves before me, and 
 I do not feel, deeply feel, the force of these words, " It ig 
 far better to depart, and be with Christ." Again, many caree 
 divide my soul. I know not if ever I shall get this place sold : 
 or ever pay my debts. Every thing sinks me deeper in that 
 respect. It is amazing what losses and trials I have ! Yet 1 
 feel my anchor cast in the will of God. I fear, however, that 
 I have departed from his close embrace, and therefore he hat! 
 encompassed my way with thorns. Well, I will, I do embrace 
 his justice, as well as his mercy ! Both " his rod and his staf 
 shall comfort me !" 
 
 It is an easy matter to believe when all goes smoothly aboul 
 us. But now is the time for my faith to have its full exercise, 
 Nothing but ruin in temporal things seems before me, and I air 
 upbraided by many as being a fool. They say, " Why does not 
 she turn them* all out of doors V Nay, some who should know 
 better, cast the same in my teeth ! Yet with all my endeavour; 
 I see no way out. To turn them out of doors ! I have no lighl 
 for that. Still I seem called to believe, God will make a waj 
 for each, and remove them in his own time and manner. Still"] 
 trust that I shall see accomplished those words, so powerfully 
 applied at Laytonstone : " Thou shalt lay up gold as the dust, 
 and the gold of Ophir as the stones of the brook ; yea, the 
 Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of 
 silver." What I understand by these words is, that a time shal] 
 come when I shall owe no one any thing, and have plenty to 
 carry on such designs as the Lord shall lay on my heart for hie 
 glory. That he will bring me out of this place, and provide 
 some way for every member to be removed, so that I shall say, 
 Now is fulfilled that word, " Thou shalt decree a thing, and it 
 ehall be established unto thee, and light shall shine on thy path." 
 But here is the difficulty : how absurd does it appear to go on 
 with a great household, running me out on every side ! 
 How ridiculous will distress so brought on make me appear in 
 the eyes of all ! That thought has made me strive arid struggle 
 every way to throw it off, but it seems the Lord always frustrates 
 my endeavours, and I am foiced. to sit down at his footstool 
 again, with that thought, " My time is in his hand, and he knows 
 how to deliver." T t. is hard to believe against seeming impos- 
 sibilities. Yet it comes to ny mind, God does bless me in 
 believing spiritual things tha are above my powers ; but these 
 are only temporal. Will hr. bless that exercise of faith? It is 
 certain Abraham's faith was tried in temporal things, and 
 through the temporal difficulties, he held fast faith in the
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 97 
 
 spiritual. Israel was called into a temporal Canaan, pre- 
 figuring the spiritual ; and I cannot divide two ideas which 
 continually seem to dwell together in my mind, viz. that I shall 
 be delivered from all my spiritual enemies, and brought into a 
 most perfect liberty of soul, as soon as I am delivered from the 
 temporal ; and that I shall first praise the Lord for the fulfil- 
 tnent of the above promises, and then for full salvation ! 
 
 October 28. Glory be to God, he is yet working among us ! 
 Last week Sally Lawrence was set at liberty, and the change is 
 very evident. Yesterday as I was meeting her, she said, " Oh ! 
 had I known what the love of God was, sure I should never 
 have rested so long without it ! I have often found great joy, 
 but there was always a sting in the end. Some thought or 
 other would come and take away the pleasure ; but now I find a 
 pleasure in God without any sting. Last week I felt a change, and 
 many promises ; but 1 had not a clear evidence. Yet I thought, 
 I do feel in many things as 1 never did before. However, as 
 you were saying in the class last Tuesday, that we ought to 
 tejoice evermore, and the way so to do, was to praise the Lord 
 for what he had done ; I thought, then I will try to do so. 
 Accordingly, I spoke more freely than I should otherwise have 
 done, and while I spoke, I found more power to believe. But 
 on Friday, while you were meeting the children, I found my 
 evidence quite clear : these words were applied to my mind : 
 'There is no condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus.' 
 And since that time I have been very happy. I never knew 
 such a week as this in all my life. I used to be tired, and I 
 hated the washing week ; but I have now been kept in entire 
 peace all through." 
 
 Bath, February, 1778. On the 8th of December last, I set 
 out for this place, and came here on the 12th. Much have 1 
 seen of the hand of my God here in many ways. Soon after 
 my arrival, Mr. Wesley came to ky the first stone of the 
 chapel. He preached from these words : " From this time it 
 shall be said, What hath God wrought !" He pointed out to 
 us in what a wonderful manner the Lord had carried on hi* 
 work in the three kingdoms, within these last thirty or forty 
 years. It was a solemn time. The people were very atten- 
 tive, though the cold was very severe. At night we hat! a love 
 feast : I was led to speak with some degree of freedom. As 1 
 came out, several asked me where I lodged. I told them 1 
 should (with the Lord's help) be at home at such an hour every 
 day. Several came to me, one after another, and the Lord's 
 hand hath been with us of a truth. What amazing answers to 
 prayer have I seen ! Lord, give me to endure to the end .' In 
 the classes and bands also, I find much freedom in speaking for 
 God ; and he gives me to cast all my own burden on himself, 
 and to believe, Christ charges him?'. If with all my concerns, 
 9
 
 98 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 while he in some iow degree, gives me to charge myself with 
 those that relate to his glory. Here are many souls who seem 
 to thirst for spiritual conversation, as the traveller for the 
 cooling stream ; and whenever we are together, our Lord is 
 in the midst. 
 
 March. Conversing with a gentleman who knew something 
 of my situation, he said, "If I had had such losses as you have 
 had, and was in such an encumbered situation, I should stamp 
 and tear, and go raving mad." I began to reflect on his words, 
 and thought, how is it that I am kept so calm ] I saw and 
 adored the hand of my God, and was constrained to cry out, 
 " Lord, thou hast known my soul in adversity !" This is thy 
 doing, and I will praise thee. 
 
 April 4. When I was in this city fourteen years ago, the 
 Lord was pleased to give me some souls. I wondered often 
 what was become of them ; but glory be to God ! I find them 
 as simple and steady as ever ; and some are much advanced. 
 I asked of the Lord at my first coming at this time, That some 
 soul might be particularly blest, that I might be encouraged to 
 think that I was come in his name. A few days after we came, 
 the answer was given. Brother Cousins was restored to the 
 love of God. But this was only the beginning of good things. 
 Each day opened the providence of God more and more. 
 Several persons got good, and I saw my call quite clear. One 
 old disciple gave me much pleasure. She had long been a 
 follower, and useful to others. The first time 1 saw her, she 
 laid open her whole heart, and was simple as a little child. I 
 scarce ever found so much of the power of God in conversing 
 with any one as with her. Before we parted the Lord gave her 
 a taste of the liberty she came to inquire after. She sent 
 others, among whom was one young woman, an upright soul, 
 hut who had got into sore temptation, and lost her peace. The 
 Healer of the breaches again appeared, and she was filled with 
 consolation, and found (as she afterward told me) she was 
 new creature. A man and liis wife the next day called on 
 me ; they had a measure of life ; but they were come (as they 
 said) to inquire when, and how, " the blood of Jesus would 
 cleanse them from all sin." Such simplicity I hardly ever met 
 with before. My heart was ready to melt with desire. I found 
 such access in addressing the throne of grace as I cannot 
 
 express. It was all " ask and have !" 1 did ask, and, glory be 
 
 to God, he granted my petition, and brought the dear souls into 
 
 farther light and liberty ! 
 
 April 24. I am now at Bristol. Lord ! what shall I meet 
 
 with here 7 Oh let me be ever observant of thy will > 
 
 May. I wrote and sent to my Wednesday nights' meeting, 
 
 (consisting of about fifty persons, who meet at Cross Hall,) the 
 
 following letter .
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 9>9 
 
 "Though various occupations in my Master's work have 
 rendered ray pen for a longer time silent than I at first intended, 
 I can assure you with a pleasing sincerity, my heart has often 
 been warmed when pleading before the throne in your behalf. 
 Very dear are all the followers of the Lord to me in every 
 place ; but my little company on Wednesday nights will ever 
 hold a peculiar place in my heart. I also include the spreading 
 
 branch in Wakefield. May lively grace rest on you all ! and 
 
 may you ever adorn your profession as a company of the 
 choicest followers of the bleeding Lamb ! Many here inquire, 
 ' How goes on your Wednesday nights' meeting?' There is a 
 general belief of great life in Yorkshire. In this your fame is 
 gone out into other churches. Oh how alarming the thought ! 
 'What manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversa- 
 tion and godliness ! A city set on a hill cannot be hid.' Either 
 a ray of light, or a shade of darkness, will reflect from every 
 professor. Adorable Jesus, fill us with that jealous, just con- 
 cern, that our light may never become darkness ! In order to 
 prevent this, let the most strict and ardent watchfulness keep 
 your eye and heart for ever fixed on 'the Lamb who taketh 
 away your sins !' For it is by those believing views that all the 
 streams of consolation, wherewith our souls are replenished and 
 refreshed, are given. I would have you praise the Lord for me, 
 and therefore 1 tell you, I have, and do prove him to be a God 
 of faithfulness and truth. 
 
 " The account uf a Jewess in this city may perhaps help your 
 
 rams of praise to rise a little higher. I will therefore give it 
 you in the best manner my memory will afford. 
 
 "She was born in Germany.' Her father was a famous Jew 
 rabbi. He gave her a good education, and brought her up very 
 :ctly according to the laws of the Jews. When she was 
 about eighteen she found a strong inclination to come to Eng- 
 land. This her parents much opposed, as they could well provide 
 for her, and could see no reason why she should leave her native 
 country. But she had no rest in her spirit while in Germany - 
 so at last they gave consent that the should visit their own 
 people in England. Thev gave her a handsome sum of money, 
 and sent her off with their blessing, in company with some 
 
 :ends. She continued to live some time in England, till at 
 length she was cheated out of the greatest part of her money 
 bhe was then reduced to many hardships, and after a time 
 went as a servant into a Jew's family. Her mistress liked her 
 
 g u e t' and U8ed her as one of hei " OWR cll 'l dr en. Here she 
 thought her lot was cast in a fair portion, for she loved her 
 mistress, and rejoiced to do her service. But after a short 
 time a great change took place. Her mistress was awakened 
 t> a sense of the things of God, and Li the end found 'there 
 was no name under heaven whereby she could be saved, but the
 
 100 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 name of Jesus Christ.' This grieved the young woman beyond 
 expression. She now hated her mistress, as much as before she 
 had loved her ; and very often her behaviour corresponded with 
 the feelings of her heart. The arrows of conviction, however,, 
 now began to fasten on her also ; and oft she reasoned with 
 herself, saying, What a difference there is between my mis- 
 tress and me ! If I had such a servant I would turn her off at 
 once. But my mistress seems all love since she believed in 
 Jesus Christ as the Messiah ; but I am ah 1 hatred. Besides, 
 she is happy, always happy, while I am always miserable. 
 Then again, she would start at the thought, and say, What t 
 am I going to leave the true religion ? Oh no ! I will never 
 believe in Christ. I will pray to the true Messiah. Then she 
 would go up to the top of the house, and (as she thought) 
 looking toward Jerusalem, would cry, ' O Lord Jehovah, hear 
 me ! Thou hast done great wonders for our people, and fo? 
 our nation ; and when we were in the hands of our enemies, 
 thou didst send deliverance for thy chgsen people Israel. O 
 hear me ! thou God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and send us 
 our Messiah, that he may take away our misery ! Then ' shall 
 kings be our nursing fathers, and queens our nursing mothers,' 
 and 'we shah 1 be restored again to our former privileges !' It 
 would then come to her mind, Jesus Christ, whom you despise, 
 is the very and true Messiah ! But that thought she thrust away 
 with fear. 
 
 " One night she went to bed in great distress, and dreamed 
 she was walking on a common, and that a man came up to her 
 whom she knew to be Jesus Christ. She looked on him, and 
 between hope and fear said, 'Tell me, are you my Messiah?' 
 He answered, ' I am your Messiah.' Yet she drew back, and 
 was afraid to believe. In the morning she knew not what to 
 think. Wherever she went she seemed always to see Christ 
 as hanging on the cross ! And in her own soul felt so deeply 
 the sentence of death, that she seemed to have no hope of saf- 
 vation. At last she told the Lord, one day, she could almost 
 believe, and if he would give some sign, she thought she should 
 hold out no longer. The sign which God gave to Israel, through 
 Samuel's prayer, came strongly to her mind, as she waited 
 before the Lord her soul then struggling between faith and 
 unbelief. It was at that time rather cold weather; but the 
 Lord was pleased, before the --lose of the day, to send a storm 
 of thunder and lightning, whic;; terrified her beyond expression. 
 While she was on her knees, i-xpecting every moment to drop 
 into hell, (which she now clearly felt she deserved,) she cried 
 to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to hear and save her! 
 God did hear. Glory be to his free mercy, he made her to feel, 
 1 None but Jesus could do helpless sinners good !' In the same.
 
 TART HI.] ittRS. FLETCHER. 101 
 
 moment she felt his blood applied, and shouted aloud the praises 
 of her Messiah ! 
 
 "Prom this time she continued happy in the love of God. 
 She then became sensible of the stirrings of inbred sin, from 
 which she had no thougnt of ever being delivered till she should 
 lay down the body. I found much blessing in conversing with 
 her ; and after the first time, she was much stirred up to seek 
 a farther salvation. For some weeks she was tossed between 
 hope and fear. One day as 1 was meeting brother Sims's class, 
 she seemed uncommonly oppressed with unbelief, yet she 
 pleaded, ' O ! can it be possible that I should be wholly deli- 
 vered from anger, and live in a place where I have ten children 
 to look after ]' 1 recommended her to look to Jesus, who could 
 and would ' save her to the uttermost.' Several of us walked 
 home together. As she was praying inwardly, and meditating 
 on the all-sufficiency of the Saviour, sister Tripp said, ' God 
 kept Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, in the fire, and why 
 not you !' She answered nothing, but pondered the words in 
 her heart. When she got home, she began to consider, He 
 really did keep the three children in the furnace ! And he can 
 keep me from anger. As she strove to believe, her faith grew 
 stronger and stronger, till she could cast the full weight of her 
 soul on Jesus, as her uttermost Redeemer. O my friends, praise 
 the Lord !" 
 
 Cross Hall, September 12. This day I am thirty-nine years 
 . O that I might live to Thee more than ever ! What 
 have I either done or suffered for thee, in this last year 1 As 
 to the state of my soul, I trust I am nearer to God than before 
 I went my journey. But I am still a dull scholar in thy school. 
 I want that full baptism of the Spirit : God's promise to all 
 believers. Mr. *** is very kind and helpful to me in the care 
 of my temporal affairs ; but what my trials are, none but God 
 knows. To-day I was blessed in praying for him, with that 
 word : " I will bless them that bless thee !" Amen ! Amen ! 
 
 Sunday, November 15. This day I found a blessing in put- 
 ting in practice some resolutions I had formed for my daily 
 walk. At seven we set out for Daw Green, where we had a 
 good meeting. O what a desire did I feel for that people, while 
 I was speaking on that word, " The Lord thy God is a jealous 
 God!" 
 
 March 26, 1779. This day I s^t apart as a fast, to lay before 
 the Lord the following particulars: 1. My present situation. 
 '2. To ask for wisdom how to walk before my family. 3. For 
 
 more of his love. 4. For a blessing on my journey to . 
 
 5. For my relations. On the whole it has been a good day. 
 As to the first petition, my present situation, I found much 
 power and liberty in believing God would undertake and appoint 
 me some deliverance ; yea, entire deliverance, in his own time 
 9*
 
 102 THE LIFE OF [PART lit. 
 
 and in his own way ; and I had more faith, I think, than ever 
 before' ; yet, it was mixed with sweet resignation. 2. How to 
 walk with wisdom before my family. I felt a great pleading 
 for this, and some encouragement, that I should yet " adorn the 
 Gospel." The third, For more love. I felt freedom in asking 
 it. The fourth, For a blessing on the few days I am to spend 
 
 at . I feel much of the cross in this adventure ; yet, 1 
 
 think 1 must do it, and God will be with me. As to the fifth. 
 I could find no particular opening, only a willingness to do, be, 
 or suffer, any thing for their good. Perhaps the time has not 
 yet come. The third time I went to prayer, all seemed swal- 
 lowed up in that petition ; Lord, give me " the love that never 
 faileth." 
 
 . Wednesday in Passion Week. I have this day offered my. 
 self up afresh to the Lord, as a whole burnt sacrifice. O give 
 me that situation, those friends, those comforts, or crosses, 
 which will best stand with thy own glory ! 'Tis all I ask 'tis 
 all my choice. 
 
 May 21. Lord, my thirsty soul crieth after thee ; I long for 
 a fuller deliverance. Last night I met the old members of the 
 W. band, and a sweet time we had ; the Lord was very gra-. 
 cioue in helping his unworthy worm, and gave me, I believe, 
 to speak to his glory. Since I returned from my journey to 
 
 , I have been much drawn out in praise. O how good was 
 
 the Lord ! He made hard things easy, and was better to me 
 than either my fears or wishes. To-day when at prayer, I had 
 a sight of the necessity of contemplation ; I mean, of labouring 
 to keep the mind on spiritual things, and to consider and weigh 
 the word of God, his love, his fulness ! "Love without end, 
 and without measure, grace !" 
 
 August, 1780. O Lord, how peculiar are thy ways toward 
 me ! What w.ouldst thou have me to do 1 Here I am ; com- 
 mand what thou wilt. Bring me to a state of poverty, reproach, 
 a workhouse, or what thou wilt, only let me not mistake my 
 way. It is true I have more than I owe, and as yet an income 
 for life, enough for myself. But I cannot support these ex- 
 penses and losses. And yet it seems I cannot get deliverance 
 from them ! Every answer to prayer is only " Stand still and 
 see my salvation." Lord, I am ready to do so ; but all cry out. 
 " It is madness not to do something." And yet thou seemest 
 to frustrate all I attempt. I strive to save in every thing, and 
 many ways I have tried to do so ; but unless all did the same, 
 it makes little difference. When I attempt new things of the 
 kind, various difficulties arise ; and some are apt to say, " Save 
 in something else ; you do not run out in this !" 
 
 The other day a friend said he was desired to ask me, " I . 
 I did not do wrong in spending so much time on the sick poor ? 
 In making medicines, clothes," &c ? And **** said, " It ie a
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 103 
 
 poor way of spending your time thus, for the bodies of the 
 people. If that is your call, it is a mean call!" I have*pon- 
 dered the thought ; and having set apart a day for fasting and 
 prayer, the result of my most serious reflections were as follows : 
 
 What was my setting out, or first light ? Why, from seven 
 years old, (the first time I felt a spark of faith,) my conviction 
 was, not to be conformed to the customs, fashions, and max- 
 ims of the world ; and my frequent prayer was, as a little 
 manuscript now by me proves, Lord, bring me out from among 
 the ungodly ! Cast my lot with the poor who are rich in faith; 
 and make me to have my delight with the excellent of the 
 earth. And then I will not complain for toil, poverty, or 
 reproach. 
 
 When I was seventeen, my desires after holiness began to 
 deepen, and I found a particular call to a farther dedication of 
 my soul to God, in those words of St. Paul to Timothy, descrip- 
 tive of the character of those women, who in the primitive 
 church were chosen as deaconesses, "If she have lodged 
 strangers, if she have brought up children, if she have washed 
 the saints' feet, and diligently followed after every good work." 
 -When I was twenty-one, being brought to the choice of my 
 own manner of life, I was enabled in a degree to follow the 
 plans thus formerly laid down. 
 
 As to my present way of life, of which a visiter had said a 
 few days ago, " I think, madam, your call is a strange one, 
 to the care of cows and horses, sheep and pigs ;" referring to 
 my farm, I considered, I am by the order of Providence made 
 mistress of a great family, and in straitened circumstances. 
 There is therefore occasion for all my care and management, 
 otherwise the embarrassment would be much greater. And it 
 is good for the uncommon pride of my nature, to bow before 
 that word, " In the sweat of thy brow shalt thou eat bread." It 
 is true, I have bread enough for myself; but having joined the 
 interests of so many with my own, I am willing to act thus, 
 that they may have bread too. The Lord hath been pleased, 
 also, to enable me to help the sick : this calls for some labour, 
 and some small expenses in preparing and applying the medi- 
 cines : but many souls have been blessed, and several brought 
 to God thereby. Some rich persons, to whose ear I could 
 never have had access, have, through the belief that I could 
 help their bodies, admitted the closest application to their souls : 
 so that I dare as soon cut off my right hand as bury this trifling 
 talent in a napkin. The souls under my ror>f also call for more 
 diligent care than I am conscious I bestow upon them ; and 
 though some say, " I do not regard as any thing what you do 
 for the family, that is only burying yourself in one house ;" yet 
 I see it my duty, and I must apply thereto. 
 
 Again, I believe I should strive to get at the neighbours wh
 
 104 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 
 
 live within my knowledge, and do good to their souls, if I can. 
 To tfiis it is replied, " You spend too much time on one neigh- 
 bourhood." But perhaps I shall soon be called to leave this 
 neighbourhood, and this family, and then I shall not repent of 
 that application. I am also called to keep together some pre- 
 cious meetings, in which the work of God flourishes, and to go 
 sometimes to meet others in more distant places ; as well as 
 to write many letters on the concerns of the soul. And now I 
 ask, Lord, am I in my place or not ? To which it seemed my 
 conscience gave the following answer : The surest mark of 
 true piety, is to fill up the duties of our own station with the 
 utmost fidelity. We may plan fine schemes, talk of many jour- 
 neys, and see ourselves converting whole worlds, but in these 
 airy phantoms there is much danger of self having a great mix- 
 ture. Whereas in the application to the order of God, in the 
 present time, as it opens itself from moment to moment, there 
 is no room for choice. I have heard good people say, " I am 
 weary of life, because of the burdens which I have to bear. I 
 want to spend all my time in a more excellent way." And yet 
 as soon as they throw off one burden, the Lord finds them an- 
 other. But the soul truly devoted to God finds no oppressive 
 burden in the opening of the present moment, which shows the 
 divine order of his providence, and brings with it, to the resign- 
 ed soul, both light and power either to act or suffer. In a low 
 degree I find that to be my case. I am called to work ; and 
 therein I fulfil my covenant not to complain of toil, although 
 my wages seems to be put into a bag full of holes. I cannot 
 have ray own choice herein ; nor do I complain of poverty. 
 Thus I am often upbraided for walking in that order, in which, 
 (till I can get out of it,) undoubtedly the Lord has placed me. 
 I sink under his yoke, and if I can but keep free from impa- 
 tience or discouragement, I may fulfil his will, and shall not 
 eomplain of reproach. But, alas ! I do too often admit discou- 
 ragement, and am ready to cry out, 
 
 " Ah ! whither or to whom shall I, 
 Par from these woes, for kind protection fly V 
 
 Yet something says in my heart, a time is at hand when the 
 Lord will bring me out of these deep waters, and I am deter- 
 mined to stand still and see his salvation. 
 
 November. Last night I was led to pray much for a spirit- 
 ual mind, both sleeping and waking. I went to bed recollected. 
 I dreamed I was sitting up in bed with the Bible in my hand. 
 I saw two shining appearances, but no distinct form. The ap- 
 pearance was as the heads of two glorious persons, and a ray 
 of light came from them on the book in my hand, in which I 
 was enabled to discover something which quite delighted me, 
 and I cried out, O had I known this before, I should have
 
 PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 105 
 
 made the whole house ring with shouts of praise ! I then saw 
 all around ray bed a beautif id garden filled with evergreens, and 
 on each tree, and on the ground, lay something like a light 
 frost. I wondered at that, till these words came to my mind, 
 " The dew shall lie all night upon thy branches !" 1 then cried 
 out, O what a delightful scene ! What a lovely prospect ! Here 
 shall I for ever rest ! I then threw my soul with such a divine 
 confidence on the Lord Jesus, as I think I never did before, and 
 in that act I awaked. I could not recollect what the delightful 
 discovery in the Bible was ; but a fuller sense of God than ever 
 before has rested on my soul. 
 
 January 11, 1781. Many mercies have I seen within these 
 three or four days. Nothing is so good to me, as to meet every 
 thing in the will and order of God ; abandoning myself, soul, 
 body, and family, into his hands, believing he will order all 
 right. I find many convictions about my household. I am not 
 a faithful head. I neither lead them by example, instruction, 
 or reproof, as I ought. Lord, teach me how to go in and out 
 before this people ! I seem to have an impression that I shal" 
 not long remain with them. I seem to see another place, and 
 another people, which 1 am called to ; and outward things 
 confirm the impression. One thing I have" been very faulty 
 in during the last year, I have not risen early with any degree 
 of constancy ; and that is a general loss both to my own soul 
 and my family. O Lord ! when shall I be " all glorious witbiK, 
 and my clothing of wrought gold?" 
 
 January 13. I have been to-day a good deal drawn out in 
 prayer. My exercises as to outward things are very great. I 
 have a most narrow path to walk in ! I am called to live by 
 faith indeed. As I was at prayer this morning, I was led to ask 
 of the Lord that he would bring me out of all my difficulties iii 
 his own way. Certainly the whole earth is the Lord's ; and I 
 asked of him such a situation in life as will most glorify him- 
 self. It was brought before me, Perhaps that will be by bringing 
 you to entire poverty. I asked my heart, Am I willing on that 
 condition to be made holy 1 And I felt I could say, " Yes, Lord, 
 yes." Again, the thought was suggested, But perhaps to a 
 parish house, while your income goes each year for your debts 1 
 I answered, Thy will be done ! It was then represented, as if 
 I was on a common side, dying, destitute of every human help 
 or comfort. In that I felt great sweetness. But the sorest 
 stroke was still behind : What if you shoidd die in debt, and 
 leave nothing to pay? and so through you the Gospel be 
 reproached ? This came the nearest of all ; but it was clearly 
 shown me, That the fear of the Gospel being blamed, often 
 arose from our fear of personal reproach ; for as to the truths 
 of God, he would take care of them ; and if I was really wrong, 
 it would be for the glory of God to have it made manifest ; and
 
 106 THE LIFE OF (PART III. 
 
 if he was but glorified, my soul was content. Certainly, thought 
 I, if it was in my power to break off my expenses, it would be 
 right so to do ; and I do right in contriving every way I can 
 toward it. But as all my endeavours are always frustrated, I 
 see no way but to cast myself on the will of God, and embrace, 
 as his will, poverty, and deep reproach ; and still continue to 
 believe in the promises, till I see, even by the time of my death, 
 that there has not been an accomplishment of them. Perhaps 
 after all I am right. Perhaps the day will come (impossible as 
 it now appears) when / shall have plenty of silver, and then 
 the light shall indeed shine on my way. 
 
 Next June I shall be fourteen years from Laytonstone ; and 
 the September following I shall be forty-two years old. It may 
 be that soon after that time deliverance may appear. The words 
 rested on my mind, " By the way that thou wentest, by that 
 way shalt thou return." Lord, thou knowest what they mean ; 
 but I see all sorts of crucifixions are needful for me. O my 
 hard heart ! what need hath it had of breaking ! 
 
 February 15. When I was at Leeds some time since, I had 
 much proof of the goodness of God in many ways. On the 
 whole it was a journey for good. I heard a dream of a good 
 woman while there, which was made a blessing to me. She 
 thought she was dying, and felt her soul leave the body. Im- 
 mediately she found herself standing in the presence of God ! 
 Jesus appeared to her as seated on a white throne ! He beck- 
 oned to her with his hand, and said, Come up hither. When 
 she was by his side, she saw many of the saints with the angels. 
 Among them was William Bramah ; he shone very bright. 
 Some others she knew also. Our Lord then pointed to the 
 crowns of some saints still on earth, and she understood, by 
 the appearance of some of those crowns, that the persons were 
 in great temptation. Our Lord and the glorious company seem- 
 ed to sympathize greatly with them, and when by faith they 
 conquered, a jewel was added to the crown, and the whole shone 
 brighter ! But every time they gave way to any corruption, a 
 gem dropped out, and the whole crown turned dark ! SoW- 
 times there seemed joy in Jieaven over them ; sometimes a kind 
 of mourning. She sat some time in sweet delight, and then 
 awaking, found with amazement she was still in the body ! 
 
 I am going to . It is a fine opportunity for speaking 
 
 to a number of the most lively souls, out of various societies, 
 end they begin to inquire all around when I will come. O my 
 God, how these things break rne to pieces ! What an unworthy 
 worm ! If they knew me, how would they be astonished, that 
 the Lord should work by such a one as I ! But thou canst do 
 whatever seemeth thee good ! 
 
 March 20,-r-I have been poorly lately with a complaint in my 
 eyes ; I can write a little. The cold this winter has beer
 
 PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 107 
 
 very severe, and I have felt it much. But O how am I indulged ! 
 A good house, a bed fit for a king, plenty of fire, food, &c ! 
 \vhile many of my Father's children know almost the want of 
 all things ! I was much affected the other day when the preacher 
 left our house. I thought, if I had in this snow and wind to 
 ride over the moors, and through deep lanes, as he has, I could 
 not sit on my horse. Truly I count it a great honour to be per- 
 mitted to contribute in the least to their necessities ! O let m<? 
 ever wash the feet of the servants of my Lord ! 
 
 I feel my soul does come forward. Constancy in early rising 
 is a great blessing to me, both as a Christian, and as a mistress-. 
 The other morning I was waked with that word, " Ye havs 
 need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye 
 may receive the promises." At night, as I was at prayer, that 
 word also came with power, " Thou hast kept the word of my 
 patience ; I also will keep thee in the hour of temptation !" 
 Amen, Lord Jesus, Amen ! Give me to " keep the word of thy 
 patience faithful unto the end !" 
 
 April. My soul, wait thou still upon God, for of him cometh 
 thy salvation. More crosses, more disappointments ; but last 
 night I had a ray of faith which revived me. I have of late had 
 a very clear view of the absolute necessity of keeping the mind 
 always stayed on God, from those words : " Resist the devi'., 
 and he will flee from you." Indeed he is a chained dog, and 
 can go no farther than man's consent will suffer liim. His 
 works are chiefly carried on in the chambers of the imagina- 
 tion. These are indeed the chambers of imagery ' He fixes 
 his first hold in the imagination, which is the antichamber of 
 the heart. Afterward he passes on to the passions and affec- 
 tions. These form the passage through which all passes to the 
 heart, both good and evil. If the mind then is engrossed by 
 Satan, and he be suffered to rule there, the benign influence of 
 the Holy Spirit is prevented, and the soul is filled with all evil. 
 Thus, " To be carnally minded is death ; but to be spiritually 
 minded is life and peace." 
 
 April 25. I have had some remarkable answers to prayer of 
 late, and some directions by lot, which I shall lay up in my 
 heart till I see the way of the Lord. O my God, give me just 
 such a situation in every respect as will be most for thy glory ! 
 Many blessings also I hate of late received in visiting the sick, 
 and strength has been given me above that which is common. 
 I long for a closer walk with my God ! O that I may live to 
 God every moment, with every power ! 
 
 May 6, Sunday. I had liberty this day to entreat the Lord, 
 to show me the surest and shortest way to holiness. Many 
 things were showed me, which I hope to put in practice ; but 
 above all, it was impressed on my mind, Live by faith.
 
 106 THE LIFE OF [PART Tl. 
 
 PART THE FOURTH. 
 
 HER MARRIAOK, AND REMOVAL TO MADELEY. 
 
 THE seventh of June, 1781, as I before observed, was the 
 day that began my fourteenth year in Yorkshire. On that day 
 I took a particular view of my whole situation, and saw diffi- 
 culties as mountains rise all around me. Faith was hard put 
 to it. The promise seemed to stand sure, and I thought the 
 season was come, yet the waters were deeper than ever. I 
 thought also, how shall I now hold fast that word so powerfully 
 given to me, " The Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou 
 shalt have plenty of silver V 
 
 At length " the cloud arose as a man's hand." The very 
 next day, June the eighth, I received a letter from Mr. Fletcher, 
 in which he told me, That he had for twenty-five years found 
 a regard for me, which was still as sincere as ever ; and though 
 it might appear odd he should write on such a subject, when 
 but just returned from abroad, and more so without seeing me 
 jirst, he could only say, that his mind was so strongly drawn to 
 do it, he believed it to be the order of Providence. 
 
 In reading this letter I was much struck ; so many circum- 
 stances all uniting. 1. The season it came in. 2. His writing 
 on the subject before we had met, after an absence of fifteen 
 years ; and without his having the most distant suspicion of 
 '.my mind being inclined toward it. 3. His mentioning, that 
 for twenty-five years he had had the thought. All these par- 
 ticulars answered to the marks which I had laid down. His 
 unexpected recovery, also, and safe return, so plainly pointed 
 out the hand of Providence, that all ground of reasoning against 
 it seemed removed. Yet, on the other hand, a strange fear 
 possessed my mind lest I should take any step out of the order 
 of God ; nor was Satan wanting to represent great trials 
 "before me, which he told me I should not have strength to 
 stand in. 
 
 We corresponded ,\rith openness and freedom, till August 
 the first, when he cam* to Cross Hall, and abode there a month, 
 preaching in differeiu places with much power : and having 
 opened our whole hearts tc each other, both on temporals and 
 spirituals, we believed it to be the order of God we should 
 become one, when he should make our way plain. 
 
 He then returned to his parish, a hundred and twelve miles 
 from the place where I lived ; for we could not think of taking 
 the step till my affairs were more clearly settled. So w. 
 our leave of each other, committing all into His hands wkc 
 " does wtat he r-'ill with his own."
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 109 
 
 In about five weeks he returned ; but still all seemed shut 
 up ; no way opened either for disposing of the farm, or of the 
 family. Conversing one day with Mrs. Clapham, of Leeds, she 
 said, " What do you stick' at ? The Lord has done so much to 
 convince you that this is to be your deliverance, how is it that 
 you do not believe, and obey his order 1 I verily believe if you 
 would take the step in faith, your way would be made plain 
 directly ; and I will now tell you what has passed my mind 
 concerning it. When I was some months since at Scarbo- 
 rough, as I was one day in private, praying for you, and much 
 drawn out in laying your trials before the Lord, I was as if 
 taken out of myself, and saw by the eye of faith both Mr. 
 Fletcher and you, and that you were designed for each other, 
 and that much glory to God would arise from your union. But 
 at the same time I saw that there were various obstacles in the ' 
 way ; but the chief was the want of money. It seemed to me, 
 however, if you would believe and obey the order of God, all 
 would be made clear before you. Then I saw a tall young man, 
 (it seemed to me it was your youngest brother,) who poured 
 down bags of gold, not once only, or twice, but several times. 
 Some were small, others seemed large sums ; one was very 
 large ; and it was impressed on my mind, that all your trials 
 of that kind were over, and that you would never experience 
 those difficulties any more."* She then asked, " Have you 
 more brothers than one 7" I replied, Yes, I have two, and the 
 youngest is tall ; but I never received any thing in particular 
 from him, nor have I the least reason to expect it. Her dis- 
 course, however, with several concurring circumstances, made 
 an impression on our minds ; and after asking -direction from 
 the Lord, we agreed to take the step in a fortnight. 
 
 For the first week all remained as usual ; but in the begin- 
 ning of the second, a gentleman came quite unexpectedly, and 
 bought the place, for one thousand six hundred and twenty 
 pounds. Three days after, another took the stock, &c. A way 
 seemed also to open for each member of the family, so that 
 with a little assistance, every one had a comfortable prospect 
 before them. The case of one, a jroor cripple, who had lived 
 with me sixteen years, seemed difficult Though she feared 
 and loved God, she had such infirmities, no one was willing to 
 take her ; and we had some reasons against taking her with 
 us to Madeley. But this difficulty also was removed. On 
 Sunday night, November the llth, i received a letter from a 
 
 * '- his whole account is certainly very extraordinary. No picas person, how- 
 ever, wiil say, that the Lord has not helped, or would not thus direct or comfort 
 hi: servants, in peculiar difficulties; and no person whc was acquainted with. 
 Mi >. Clapham, will doubt either the truth of her declaration, or the sobriety of 
 oti mind. ED. 
 
 10
 
 110 THE LIFE OF [PART IV, 
 
 pious lady, who had first recommended her to me, stating that 
 she would take her back and maintain her. 
 
 All was now so far settled, that I did not need to sell Lay- 
 tonstone estate. My income would afford to allow the pious 
 souls of my dispersed family fifty-five pounds per year ; pay the 
 interest of the money still owing ; and yet leave me such an 
 annual sum as was about ' equal to my dear Mr. Fletcher's 
 income ; and in case of my death, there was in Laytonstone 
 more than would pay all. 
 
 So on Monday, the 12th of November, 1781, in Batley church, 
 we covenanted in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and 
 'of the Holy Ghost, "To bear each other's burdens," and to 
 become one for ever. 
 
 We agreed it would be best to leave all our furniture, except 
 a few trifles, to be sold with the house. Pine would do for us 
 as well as mahogany. I felt some attachment to my neat fur- 
 niture ; but love to the order of God made me take the spoil- 
 ing of them very cheerfully. The money was not to be paid 
 in immediately for the estate ; we were, therefore, rather at a 
 loss to settle all our accounts before we left the place, and to 
 give that assistance to our friends we wished to do. On an 
 exact calculation, we found a hundred pounds were wanting. 
 We laid it before the Lord ; and the next post I received a 
 letter from my youngest brother, with a bank note of one hun- 
 dred pounds inclosed, as a present ; though he knew nothing 
 of our particular want, nor had I the least reason to expect his 
 assistance, except the extraordinary communication by Mrs. 
 Clapham, which I have related. 
 
 On January 2, 1782, we set out for Madeley. But O ! where 
 shall I begin my song of praise 1 What a turn is there in all 
 my affairs ! What a depth of sorrow, distress, and perplexity, 
 am I delivered from ! How shall I find language to express 
 the goodness of the Lord! Not one of the good things hath 
 failed me of all the Lord my God hath spoken. Now I know 
 no want, but that of more grace. I have such a husband as is 
 in every thing suited to me. He bears with all my faults and 
 failings in a manner that c&>tinually reminds me of that word, 
 " Love your wives as Christ loved the church." His constant 
 endeavour is to make me happy ; his strongest desire my spi- 
 ritual growth. He i^, in every sense of the word, the man my 
 highest reason chooses to obey. I am also happy in a servant, 
 whom I took from the side of her mother's coffin, when she was 
 four years old. She loves us as if we were her parents, and is 
 also truly devoted to God. 
 
 Madeley, Shropshire. May 30, 1782. Where shall I begin, 
 or how recount thy faithfulness, O my God ! Oh ! " What is 
 man that thou art mindful of him!" Above all, what am I, 
 most sinful dust and ashes, that thou hast made my cup to rur
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. Ill 
 
 over above all I could think or wish for ! O for holiness ! Lord, 
 let me be thine, and doubly thine for ever ! 
 
 O the fears which filled my soul before and after our mar- 
 riage ! but how causeless have they all proved ! I have the 1 
 kindest and tenderest of husbands ; so spiritual a man, and so 
 spiritual a union, I never had any adequate conception of. He 
 is every way suited to me, all I could wish.* The work 
 among souls increases. I feel it is the Lord who hath cast my 
 lot here. For some months I suffered much through fears of 
 various kinds ; all my situation being changed, I feared I should 
 not be equal to the task allotted me, and that I should not be 
 able to please the people " for their good." But Oh ! had I in 
 every trial but believed all the way through, how sweetly might 
 I have gone on ! Now I see what a gracious Providence hath 
 superintended all ! " Praise the Lord, O my soul ; and all that 
 is within me, praise his holy name !" 
 
 June 7. What a deliverance hath the Lord wrought for me ! 
 A year ago, I thought there was nothing before me (temporal- 
 ly) but ruin. This day twelve months, I cried out, " Thou hast 
 not delivered thy people at all." How wonderful a chain of 
 providences ! As soon as we determined to marry in a fort- 
 night, and leave the event to the Lord, the house and all was 
 sold in ten days, and a way made for every one ! But wanting 
 a hundred pounds more to get out of that situation, we prayed 
 the Lord to appear in our behalf, and immediately my youngest 
 brother supplied our every need, though he knew not any thing 
 of our necessity. 
 
 * " In all my ways thy hand I own ! 
 
 Thy ruling providence I sec." 
 
 September 12. I have seen forty-three years ! Lord, to 
 what purpose ! Most of this day I have spent in secret prayer ; 
 yet my soul is rather sorrowful. I have a variety of people and 
 different calls of God to attend unto ; and I seem to want more 
 wisdom, light, and love. My spiritual sphere of action is dif- 
 ferent. I nave in many respects ^ wider call for action than 
 before ; but such a one as requires the momentary teaching of 
 the Lord, both in conversing and writing Yet I do not feel 
 all that I felt at Hoxton. No, I do not ; i live by faith as I did 
 then. But I lie before thee, O Lord ! ijo all thy will on thy 
 poor creature, for whom thou hast appeared in so marvellous a 
 manner ! 
 
 October. The animating example of my dear husband stirs 
 me up much. What a spiritual life does he live night and 
 
 * Mr. Wesley observes in a letter to the late Mrs. Rogers, at that time (Decem 
 her 9, 1781) Miss Roe, "I should not have been willing that Miss Bosanquet 
 should have been joined to any other person than Mr. Fletcher ; but I trust she 
 HWf be as useful with him as she was before." See his Works, vol vii
 
 112 , THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 
 
 day he is always on the stretch for God. I am a good deal 
 encouraged for the people. I have much liberty in meeting 
 them, and my soul feels sweet fellowship with some among 
 them. 
 
 November 1. I feel the care which a new place, and a new 
 situation, is apt to bring on, and it disturbs the peace which 
 should be kept in my soul. " Lord, increase my faith !" There 
 are many peculiar circumstances in our affairs, and strangers 
 are concerned therein ; but in the end I have found it all work 
 for good ; it has been to me a good and useful lesson. First, 
 I find it a cause of rejoicing that I have found so much love to 
 the persons concerned in it ; and secondly, while I was pray- 
 ing about it, it seemed as if the Lord showed me, as immedi- 
 ately from himself, that I was not required to have any anxious 
 care, but that doing as well as I could, I might leave all to 
 God. And if still I could not have things as I would wish, that 
 it was the most profitable cross in the world ; for it may be 
 helpful to the soul, after doing all we can, to appear a -fool in 
 the eyes of men. Those words also bore much' on my mind : 
 
 " Fix on his work thy constant eye, 
 So shall thy work be done." 
 
 I now felt a sweet calm waiting on the will of God, and I could 
 say, Lord, I leave every thing to thee ! " One only care my 
 soul shall know!" As I was telling the whole affair to my 
 dearest husband, he said, "Polly, do not encumber yourself for 
 my sake. If we must be thought ignorant and awkward, let 
 us submit to it. I require nothing of thee, my Polly, but to be 
 more and more devoted to God." 
 
 November 12. Glory ! unceasing glory to my adorable Lord I 
 This day we have been married one year. O how does my 
 soul praise God for his gracious providence ! What a help- 
 mate is he to me, and how much better do we love one another 
 this day, than we did this day twelve months ! On a close 
 examination, I have reason to believe my soul is coming for- 
 ward. I have seen this ye%r many and great changes, had 
 many trials and many comforts, and I have learned much 
 experience in various things, which lias been much blessed to 
 me. O for the moment when I shall become a whole burnt 
 sacrifice ! 
 
 Having had some hurry by means of unexpected company 
 staying in the house, and some other things, and reflecting 
 how hard it is to keep up uninterrupted communion with God 
 in outward hurry, it was opened before me, That the very 
 spirit of the Christian life stood in the strictest observation or' 
 these words : " If a man offend not in tongue, the same is a 
 perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." Now y 
 for want of this watchfulness, I offend often, and that causes
 
 PART IV.J MRS. FLETCHER, 113 
 
 distraction of spirit, and much hurt many ways. If I had a 
 more constant waiting, a more continual attention to the Spirit 
 of God, I believe I should find much more room for silence than 
 I usually do ; and that when it was my duty to speak, my words 
 would have more weight. O my God, bring me to this by the 
 way that thou knowest ; give me a watchful mind ! An eye 
 always fixed on thee, and a far deeper sense of thy sacred pre- 
 sence ! I also want a greater power of faith to lead on these 
 precious souls that are under my care to more abundant life. 
 Many are now just on the river's brink, but it seems they want 
 a better helper to assist in bringing them over. 
 
 May 21, 1783. This day has been a day of trial. In the 
 morning as I walked out about six o'clock, Mr. ***'s letter of 
 last night came with pain to my mind. I do not like the good 
 that is in my dearest Mr. Fletcher to be evil spoken of. Before 
 dinner I strove to get near to God, but having been up most of 
 last night, I was very heavy. In the afternoon I could do but 
 little, but 1 stiove to pray. That passage in Mr. Wesley's 
 Notes on the First Epistle of St. John, was much blessed, and 
 very sweet to me. " Love is the beginning of eternal life. 
 The same in substance with glory." Also St. John's words, 
 " He that abideth in him sinneth not." I saw love comprised 
 all in itself. For two hours I was led to lie before the Lord, 
 though with many distractions, yet mingled with faith and long- 
 ing desire. O when wilt thou take up in me thine everlasting 
 abode ! 
 
 May 22. I have this day been engaged in company, and 
 sweetly met the order of God therein. I was enabled to be 
 watchful ; and blessed be God, my tongue has been kept. We 
 took sweet counsel together, and I felt the Lord was the director 
 of all within and without. 
 
 August 5. Since the above, (May 22,) what have I seen of 
 the goodness of the Lord ! A fever lias been in the parish, 
 which took off many whom we saw it our duty to attend. It 
 brought eternity very near, and that always does me good. It 
 came into our family ; and Sally was attacked with it. But 
 my gracious God supported me under all burdens, and raised 
 her up again in a wonderful manner. Soon after her recovery, 
 Dr. Coke came in his way from Dublin. When I heard he was 
 below, I felt an unusual spring of pleasure, with something of 
 a. conviction that he brought a message from the Lord. I 
 instantly felt a spirit of submission, and as it were a listening 
 to the will of God. So I have often felt when some conviction 
 of fresh duty was about to be made plain to me. A few days 
 before this, as 1 was one morning at prayer, I thought of one 
 of our neighbours, (a speaker among the Friends,) who was 
 gone to Ireland. It was suggested, Should I be called thither, 
 could I resolve to go ? It really seemed I could not. The sea* 
 10*
 
 114 THE LIFE OF [PART IV, 
 
 to me ever terrible, appeared then doubly so, and I groaned 
 under the thought, where is faith and resignation 1 
 
 When we came into the parlour, we found the Doctor had 
 brought some letters from Dublin to each of us, by which it 
 seemed the cloud moved that way. We said but little then, 
 but went to church, where the Doctor preached. Before we 
 came out, my soul was all readiness to go to the world's end, 
 if my adorable Lord so ordered it. 
 
 When we came home, I followed my dear to his study, and 
 told him if he saw it his call to go, I saw it mine to follow him. 
 He tenderly objected my health, as I had been very poorly some 
 time,'and in such a state of relaxation, that I waked for several 
 mornings with blood in my mouth ; but I believed that was not 
 to hinder. Since that day we have been preparing for our jour- 
 ney ; and I have enjoyed some communion with God in so 
 doing. Satan is not wanting to suggest every thought that can 
 raise fear. One day I was thinking, what would save me from 
 all painful fear? If the Lord was to give me a promise of our 
 safe return, that my dear husband's health should not be hurt, 
 and that we should have much success when there, would that 
 do ! I hesitated, and my confidence seemed to be shook by 
 temptation. I then thought, What will enable me to drink this 
 cup to the glory of my Lord 1 My heart presently answered, 
 Nothing but an entire* resignation ; a losing of my whole will 
 in that of <y Lord's, and here I instantly found I was on a 
 solid rock. 
 
 The trial is not come single. My dear husband's health is 
 not very good. What the Lord will do with us I know not. 
 We are, however, ready for setting off. I feel my heart much 
 enlarged, and my spirit so willing to do and suffer the whole 
 will of God, that it amazes me. When I think of my dear hus- 
 band's life or health being in danger, I am not anxious as I 
 used to be, but can rest in the love and wisdom of my unchange- 
 able Friend. For this I praise him, because no words can 
 express the treasure I possess in our union. It is such as I had 
 no idea was to be enjoyed in a married state ; and in propor- 
 tion as 1 get nearer to God, I find a daily increase of that union, 
 and yet I am enabled PO to give him up to the Lord, that it 
 holds my soul in a quiet dependence and sweet adherence to 
 the will of God. 
 
 William-street, Dublin, September 12. This day of our 
 birth calls for solemn praise. I say our birth, because, as far 
 a.f> we cii,n learn, my dear Mr. Fletcher was born on the same 
 day ten years before me. And why were we ever brought into 
 being? Here is the comfortable answer: "I have created thee 
 for my glory : 1 have formed thee for my praise !" O let iu 
 answer that design for ever ! 
 Many were my conflicts before we set out for this place. At
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 115 
 
 one time it was represented to me, that when we were on th 
 watery element, the prince of the power of the air would exert 
 all his efforts against us. As the thought presented, in a mo- 
 ment those words sprang up in my heart : 
 
 " We shall be safe, for Christ displays 
 Superior power and guardian grace." 
 
 The Lord gave me to see the whole universe so under hi 
 command, as I cannot express. I saw him as " holding the 
 winds in his fist," and " the waters in the hollow of his hand." 
 And th^sooner all nature should change, than one of God's 
 promises fail. I am naturally inexpressibly fearful, with all 
 sorts of fear, beyond what words can paint ; and it was often 
 represented, if I went among strangers, I should, by that weak- 
 ness, bring much discouragement on the feeble ones of the 
 flock. But the instance of Gideon was brought before me, and 
 I was made to feel, The Lord can get himself glory by the 
 weakest worm ; and my heart answered, O will Divine, which 
 I adore and love ! what a rest there is to be found in thee ! 
 
 Well, in this will, with the prayers and blessing of many of 
 our friends, on August the 12th we set off. As we drove from 
 our own door, and my dear was commending us to the protec- 
 tion of t*e Lord, that word rested on my mind with power, / 
 am thy shield. When we passed the Birches, (where a few 
 years ago that remarkable phenomenon occurred) Mr. Fletcher 
 pointed out to me the roads and fields which wen- so lately 
 covered with the river. We could not but be much amazed at 
 the stupidity of the human heart. Most of the inhabitants seem 
 almost to have forgotten the whole transaction ! and we were 
 led to observe, how vain is the common objection to the mira- 
 cles of our Lord, or to the sun standing still at Joshua's word, 
 that they are not recorded in common history. Ah no ! That 
 which does not take hold on the sinful affections, is soon lost 
 and forgotten ! While we were conversing on the above sub- 
 ject, we passed the Eaton Constadine, a little village rendered 
 famous by the birth of that great servant of God, Mr. Baxter, 
 with whose spirit we joined our feeble act of worship before 
 the throne. 
 
 At night we were affectionately received by Mrs. Glynne of 
 Shrewsbury, whose love to the children of God does not grow 
 cold. May He who hath promised the prophet's rewai t, repay 
 iier in time and eternity. While my dear was preaching that 
 night, on the danger of being ashamed of the Gospel, ~iy heart 
 yearned toward the people of that place, and the cry of my 
 spirit was, " O that these people might live before thee." The 
 next morning we pursued our journey as far as Llangollen, in 
 VV ales ; but all the horses being out, we were constrained to 
 *bide there all night, Inquiring (as we walked about the town)
 
 116 THE LIFE OF [PART IV, 
 
 whether they had any praying people among them, the poor 
 things answered us in the best manner they could ; and after 
 consulting together, they said, " Yes, sir, there are some people 
 who pray in houses at the other end of the town, but we do 
 not know what they be." Another said, "This very night 
 there is a man to preach in the chapel belonging to these pray- 
 ing people." According to their direction we went to the 
 place, and found a few poor people gathered in a building, I 
 believe part of an old house. The preacher seemed very ear- 
 nest and lively ; I say seemed, for we could not understand one 
 word, except gogoniant, and gwaed, glory and blood ; which, 
 with much emphasis, he often repeated. After we were return- 
 ed to our inn, the few who could understand English came to 
 us, and desired my dear to give them a sermon in the morning, 
 which he did on these words : " This is his commandment, that 
 we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and 
 love one another, as he hath given us commandment." It was 
 a good time, and several were present who understood English. 
 We then set off for Conway, and Friday afternoon reached 
 Holyhead. Here, for some reasons, I wished to stop a little, 
 and inquiring when a vessel would sail, we were informed not 
 till next morning. Mr. Fletcher was but poorly. . A*Bwelling 
 which he had on his face now broke, and gave him much incon- 
 venience ; but on Saturday morning, we were informed that 
 the packet was going off. Some of the people said, " The wind 
 is quite contrary, you will have but a disagreeable passage ;" 
 but believing it to be the order of God, we embarked. Now I 
 remembered how the Lord had shown mo, " He measureth the 
 waters in the hollow of his hand." The wind soon grew more 
 favourable, and the sea so smooth, that it seemed to me as if I 
 heard him say, Peace, be still ! Mr. Fletcher was not much 
 affected by the sea, but I was very ill. About one o'clock on 
 Sunday morning, we cast anchor three miles from Dublin. We 
 then got into a boat, which was rather troublesome, as the tide 
 kept it in continual agitation ; but through the goodness of the 
 Lord we anived safe. After being hindered for sometime by 
 the custom house otScers, we reached by five in the morning 
 the hotel on Dublin quay. 
 
 We n./vv abide with our hospitable friends, Mr. and Mrs. 
 Smytb a William-street, and have seen much of the Lord's 
 hand in uringing us hither. My dear husband has been favour- 
 ed with such an unction in preaching the word, that it distils 
 
 as the dew on the mown grass." The present preachers in 
 Dublin, brothers Rutherford and Jackson, are truly simple, pious 
 men, and respect that command, " In honour preferring one 
 another." They heartily rejoice in the message my dear hus- 
 band delivers among them. There are some spirits in this 
 place in whom we find a deprne of the primitive simplicity,
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 117 
 
 rejoicing to eee a stranger whom they believe the Lord has 
 sent to be "a helper of their joy." 
 
 I feel a. faith riveted in my heart, that before it is long there 
 will be a great revival of the work of God in Dublin. I feel 
 much liberty in meeting the classes. Here are a few souls 
 truly athirst for full salvation, and many who inquire after the 
 most excellent way. Our kind and generous host and hostess 
 allow us all freedom in their house, for the glory of God, and 
 the good of his people ; and as their servants also are pious 
 upright .person;., we can here worship with them in calm and 
 
 J^^ffy, October 30. How much of thy goodness, O my 
 Godrnave I seen since I last wrote ! On the seventh of this 
 month we left Dublin, and embarked in a Liverpool brig, bound 
 for Holyhead. We had a long way to go in the boat, and 
 about eight at night entered the vessel. The sea was then 
 pretty smooth ; but in the night the wind grew high, and the 
 captain thought the sea more swelling than he had seen it for 
 some years. It was what they call very squally ; and we were 
 extremely sick, far worse than in going. Those words, given 
 me before I left home, were much on my mind : ' 
 
 j% " And shall he not have. 
 
 The life which he gave, 
 So precious a ransom for ever to save V 
 
 And also, " Though I remain in the uttermost parts of the 
 sea, there shall his hand guide me, and his right hand shall 
 hold me." I could not tell whether they were not a call to 
 sacrifice our lives to Him, who had sacrificed his for us : but 
 lay still before the Lord, in the spirit of resignation, saying, 
 "Thy will be done." 
 
 In going over, my dear husband's tender attention was a 
 great alleviation to my suffering, but now we were both so ill, 
 (as was also Sally,) we could scarce speak or look toward each- 
 other, but only wait before the Lord, that all his will might be 
 done. Toward morning, the pump told us the vessel was leaky, 
 but it was in a small degree, and we were near las-; 3 . It served 
 to remind us of that word, " There is but a step between me 
 and death !" 
 
 Since our return I have closely examined wha f r have lost 
 or got in these last three months. I exceedingly praise the 
 lx>rd that ever we went to Dublin, and that for variou., reasons. 
 There are some souls there with whom my spirit found much 
 fellowship ; at whose feet I sat, and, I trust, learned many iw- 
 ful lessons. My dear Mr. Fletcher preached in several places 
 besides the preaching house in Whitefriars-street, both to the 
 French and English, and we had some remarkable proofs that
 
 118 THE LIFE OF ,^ [PART IV. 
 
 he was called there of God.* I have also learned more of my 
 own weakness and ignorance. I know not I ever found a more 
 humbling season than while I was there. My continual prayer 
 was, Ah ! Lord, break me in pieces ! Melt me down and let 
 me flow, and more fully take the mould divine ! My soul is 
 deeply convinced of the need of being filled with " all the fruit 
 of the Spirit," or I shall never bring glory to my God. O that 
 thou wouldst accomplish all thy will upon me ! 
 
 Since our return, my dear husband has taken another journey 
 of about two hundred miles, from which he has a good deal 
 suffered. His face is not yet well. But the unwearied patiecro 
 and resignation wherewith he goes through all, is to me a con 
 tinual lesson, which I wish to imitate. 
 
 November 12. And do we see the anniversary of our bless- 
 ed union yet another year '} And are we yet more happy and 
 
 * Having visited Dublin soon after the departure of these servants of God, I 
 can add my testimony to the groat and good effects which resulted from tkeir 
 visit, and their truly evangelical labours. Never did I see such deep impressions 
 made on the minds of that people, except, perhaps, in the very short visits of Mr. 
 Wesley. But he had the care of all the churches, and was occupied with that 
 care in every place. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher had a liberty in that respect which 
 our father in the Gospel could not have. They were the unencumbered helpers 
 of tke people's joy ; and it was truly the joy of the Lord. Those divijjK impres- 
 sions were deep and abiding : and, as Mrs. Fletcher hoped, a great^evival of 
 pure religion followed in that society. It had usually consisted of about 500 per- 
 sons, but it soon increased to upwards of 1,000, and has never since fallen below 
 that number. Such longing after entire conformity to the Son of God, I never 
 lioheld ! It seemed to be the general sentiment of all, from the highest to the 
 lowest of the people. How wide this sacred influence might have extended, wlno 
 can tell, if a poor sectarian spirit had not limited the labours of the man of God. 
 On their arrival at Dublin, their host, Mr. Smyth, a distinguished and most, 
 respect dble gentleman, applied to the rector of St. Andrew's parish (in which he 
 lived,) for Mr. Fletcher to preach in his church, and as he was a beneficed minis- 
 tor, it was immediately granted. The church (commonly called the Round 
 Church] was crowded to excess. Mr. Fletcher's text was, Almost ll/ou persuad- 
 cat me to be a Christian, Acts xxvi, 28. He showed what it was to be a Chris- 
 tian, from the liturgy which had just been read ; beginning with the general con- 
 cession, and the authoritative declaration of pardon to those 'who truly repent, 
 nnd unfeignedly believe his holy Gospel ;" and going on to that " cleansing of 
 oar hearts by the inspiration of his Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love him, 
 and worthily magnify his holy name, through Jesus Christ our Lord." He then 
 proceeded to persuade them, with an earnestness and power that astonished the 
 congregc\tion, some of whom seemed to doubt if he were not more than human 
 But, alas ! It was soon known that Mr. Fletcher preached that same evening at 
 the Methodist preaching house ! The pulpits of the churches wore immediately 
 sJbrut against aim, with the exception of the French church. The first time he 
 preached there , his text was, Call to remembrance the former days, in which, 
 after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great Jight of afflictions, Hebrews 
 x, 32. He thus brought before them the faith of their ancesjfe, and the pcrsecr. 
 tions that had driven them from their native land, and strongly enforced the 
 inquiry, Do ye now believe 1 When some of the people were asked, " Why did 
 you go to the French church to hear Mr. Fletcher, when you could not under 
 stand one word he said 1" They answered. " We went to look at him, for heavi> 
 jwemedto team from hu countenance !" En.
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 119 
 
 more tender toward each other? Yes, glory be to God! we 
 are ; and what is better, I can truly say, our souls get nearer 
 to God. We are more spiritual, and live more for eternity. 
 What have we passed through together since this day twelve- 
 month ! What a tender kind friend hath he proved himself to 
 me in every circumstance of each situation ! And now Provi- 
 dence hath so graciously brought us again to our own country, 
 and quiet habitation. O that we may live to him more than 
 ever. 
 
 Yesterday I was much blessed in offering up my whole self, 
 with all my concerns, into the hand of God, believing he would 
 appoint me all my work, and all my crosses. He showed me 
 he would make his will known to me through that of my dear 
 husband, and that I was to accept his directions as from God, 
 and obey him as the church does Christ. That I must give 
 myself to his guidance as a child, and wherever we were called, 
 or however employed in the work of God, I should always find 
 protection, and glorify God, while I renounced all choice by 
 doing the will of another rather than my own. This indeed I 
 have always seen ; but it was now more deeply impressed on 
 my heart, as I was assured there was no danger in doing so, 
 having his guidance. I saw how often through that unaccount- 
 able fear which presses down my spirit, I have been afraid to 
 follow in the ways he hath pointed out, and so have hindered 
 the order of God. Lord, from this day I covenant afresh to be 
 in this particular at thy own disposal ! 
 
 February 3, 1784. This day my convictions have been great- 
 ly deepened concerning the sin ofunwatchfulness in the use of 
 my tongue. We must be willing to be dumb, and not open our 
 mouth, when God's order calls us to it; and to "be fools in the 
 eyes of man, that we may receive the true wisdom. 
 
 September 12. This day I am forty-five years old. Lord, 
 what hath my setting sun to shine on 1 Must I say, A lost life ! 
 Oh ! how much of it hath been so ! What might I have been ! 
 What might I have done for thee, O God ! Yet this day I have 
 had such a sense of the goodness of God toward me as I can- 
 not express. I am filled with favours ! I have the best of 
 husbands, who daily grows more and more spiritual, and I think 
 more healthful, being far better than when we first married. 
 My call is also so clear, and 1 have such liberty in the wor, 
 and such sweet encouragement anu>ng the people. My servant 
 too is much improved, and as faithful as if she T "as my own 
 child. An income quite comfortable, and a good deal to help 
 the poor witM^ O what shall I render to the Lord for all the 
 mercies he hath shown unto me ! 
 
 October. As I was retired this morning at my ten o'clock 
 hour, I was called down to Mary G . I asked her if she 
 fitill retained her spiritual liberty. I found by her answers thai
 
 120 THE LIFE or [PART iv. 
 
 she did, which caused me to praise the Lord. She gave me a 
 strange account, which I shall insert as she related it. A short 
 time ago, she said, she was one day going out to work in the 
 fields, but thought she would first go up stairs to prayer. While 
 on her kneee, praising God for the care he had taken of her 
 children, she was amazed to see her eldest son, about twenty- 
 one years old, standing before her ! She started up, but thought, 
 May be it is the enemy to affright me from prayer. Casting 
 her eyes again to the same spot, she still saw him there, on 
 which she ran down into the kitchen, calling on the name of 
 the Lord. Still wherever she looked, she saw him standing 
 before her, pale, and as if covered with dirt ! Concluding from 
 this that he was killed, she ran to her mother, who, on hearing 
 the account, went directly to the pit, determined to have him 
 home, if alive. On her drawing near the pit she heard a great 
 tumult, for the earth had fallen in on him and two other men, 
 and the people were striving to dig them out. At length he 
 was got up alive and well, and came home to his mother, pale 
 and dirty, just as she had seen him ! She then fell on her 
 knees, and began praising that God who hears and answers- 
 prayer ! Many of the ungodly neighbours having been witness 
 to the whole transaction, are much affected, and I trust this 
 very strange occurrence will work for good.* 
 
 October. Yesterday I was very much taken up in house 
 affairs. Various things occurred which would at sometimes 
 have been a burden ; but every thing seemed blessed. These 
 words were all day the language of my heart : 
 
 " With thcc delighted I forget 
 
 All time, and toil, and care ; . 
 Labour is rest, and toil is sweet, 
 If thou, my God, be there." 
 
 It wae a day of prayer and sweet recollection. This day also 
 i have found much of the presence of God. O for a power of 
 self-denial in all things to do his will ! 
 
 November 12. We have been married three years this day. 
 A good day it has been to me ! My spirit has been much drawn 
 out in prayer for a farther lift of faith, without which I am sen- 
 sible I cannot obtain the fulfilment of that promise, " Her cloth- 
 ing shall be of wrought gold !" As I was this day reflecting on 
 the wonderful goodness of God in my providential union with 
 my dear husband, (so far, so very far, beyond my warmest 
 wishes,) my heart was enlarged with desire to render to my 
 God a suitable return for ill his mercies ! I cried from the 
 bottom of my soul to the Father, that he would draw rne 
 to the Son ! I called on Christ as my living head ! It was a 
 
 * Was not this extraordinary dispensation permitted for the good of these 
 ignorant ungodly person*, who were not likely to be moved by more rations 
 means ? ED
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 121 
 
 peculiar season. These words have ever since abode on my 
 mind : 
 
 " See him to tby help come down, 
 The excellence divin.." 
 
 November 16. A thought struck my mind to-night, as I was 
 looking over some part of my diary, That there is not praise 
 enough for spiritual blessings. I express my wants, but I ought 
 to praise the Lord without ceasing, that he gives me such an 
 open door to pour out my wants into his bosom ; and the an- 
 swers to prayer I have of late found, have been so quick, so 
 certain, and so wonderful, I am amazed ! 
 
 In July last, we believed the Lord called us to Yorkshire for 
 a few weeks,* and many answers to prayer did we meet with 
 ; n that journey. Soon after our return, my dear husband was 
 called to take another journey. I knew he would meet with 
 much fatigue therein ; and every journey hurts him much ; but 
 I was amazed at the calm resignation I felt ; the language of 
 my heart was, +** 
 
 " Happy to meef, yet free to part, 
 Through thee for ever one in heart." 
 
 This autumn I have been a good deal among thef' people, and 
 have found great liberty both in public and private meetings. 
 Two dear souls have been lately brought in ; and though per- 
 secution burns hot against them, they are yet firm, and rejoice 
 that they " are counted worthy to suffer for the cause of Goo." 
 Lord, keep them, and make them firm as the beaten anvil to 
 the stroke ! 
 
 Lord's day. My dear husband was very poorly, and had 
 much appearance of a fever. In the morning meeting I told 
 the dear women we must hold him up by prayer ; and indeed I 
 felt our prayers had free access to the Lord. It would have 
 wanned a heart of stone to have heard Mary Matthews give 
 her simple, yet solid and wise declaration of the goodness of 
 God. She had been a long time creeping hither with her sore 
 leg ; but she seemed scarce to know which to praise God most 
 for, the strength he had given her to do so, or the pain she had 
 felt all the night before ! " For," said she, " if I bad not had 
 pain, I should have slept. But instead of that, 1 had such a 
 divine visit from my Lord, and such sweet intercourse with 
 him, I would not have been without it for all the world. ' This 
 woman grows much in grace ; she ie to me a great conb Jution, 
 and a help in training up some of the lambs of the flock. She 
 had been for some years in a mourning state, (though she still 
 retained her faith,) but the first Sabbath my dear husband and 
 
 * To attend the conference ; the last at which Mr. Fletcher was present. ED.
 
 122 THE LIFE 0V [PART IT. 
 
 I spoke in the kitchen, she was set at liberty while these words 
 were sung : 
 
 " The year of jubilee is come ! 
 Return, ye ransoni'd sinners, home !" 
 
 January 5, 1785. I have this day ben looking over my 
 many mercies, and my heart was melted into love ! O what a 
 prospect ! Lord, speak again to my heart, " Thou shall walk 
 with me in white !" I cast my whole self on thy mercy ! So 
 much I feel of it as makes me rest under thy shadow ! Thy 
 will shall be my choice ! Sometimes I think I am so surround- 
 ed with comforts. I shall not answer that character, " These 
 are they which came out of great tribulation." But I abandon 
 myself to thy dear will, only let me glorify thee to the utter- 
 most ! Yea, with every power ! It was a good time last night 
 also while at the prayer meeting. 
 
 Yesterday I went with my dear husband to , but being 
 
 taken ill, I was forced to return home. This is often the case 
 with me. I am oft disappointed in what appears at first the 
 will of God ; but at this time it was far otherwise. I felt a 
 pleasure in appearing mean and good for nothing. Yes, I will 
 glory in my infirmity, that the will of God may be done in me ! 
 July 2. Much blessed to-day while my dear husband was 
 preaching the sermon to the club. I had a sweet sight how 
 union with God could transform the soul into his own image. 
 
 July 26. This summer being dry, I have had much oppor- 
 tunity of going about. One day at the Rough Park, I had a 
 peculiar instance of the goodness of God. A son of Belial, a 
 wicked, rude fellow, bound himself and another young man, 
 whom he bad drawn in, under a blasphemous oath, that they 
 would be there by the time we began, in order to make a dis- 
 turbance. Accordingly about six o'clock, he was for setting 
 off, when he was suddenly struck*as with death. All about 
 him really thought he was dying. He continued thus for some 
 hours. O how easily can the Lord put his bridle into the jaws 
 of those he would restrain ! I gave it out to be 'there again 
 that day fortnight, but in the meantime I walked to a distant 
 place, rather beyond my strength ; however, we had a good 
 time. On my return home, I felt very weary, and the thought 
 passed my inmd, My soul is too swift for my body ; for it seem- 
 ed as if it would fly to those places where there appeared a 
 call. My earthly frame, however, was too heavy to drag after 
 it. That night 1 began to grow ill, and it terminated in a fever. 
 My limbs swelled a good deal, and I was covered with red 
 spots ; but had not much pain. Now I had a fresh instance of 
 the tender care and love of my blessed partner : sickness was 
 made pleasant by his kind attention. When the day came for 
 me to be at the Rough Park, he went himself, but was so pene- 
 trated with the thought of losing me, that he preached as it
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 123 
 
 were my funeral sermon ; and the . dear people joined him in 
 his feelings and prayer. During this illness many thoughts 
 passed my mind, which I can scarce account for. For a good 
 while past my dear husband has joined with me in prayer in 
 an uncommon manner. We are led to offer ourselves to do 
 and suffer all the will of God. Something seems to tell me 1 
 must have more of the bitter cup ; and these words are much 
 with me : " That I may stand in the evil day, and having done 
 
 all stand." My prayer is, That the evil day may be before 
 
 death, not at the last. But, Lord, thy icill thy whole will 
 be done ! 
 
 Certainly I have now scarce any cross. Thou hast made my 
 cup to run over ! Yea, thou hast made me to forget all my 
 sorrows. It seems as if I had never suffered any thing ! There 
 is not a comfort 1 can wish for, which I have not ; but, Lord, 
 I want more grace ! 
 
 October 25. When I wrote last, (July 26,) I was indeed 
 arrived at the summit of human felicity ! My cup did indeed 
 run over ! I often said, Lord ! how is this 1 Am I indeed one 
 of those of whom it is said, " These are they who came out of 
 great tribulation ?" My way is strowed with roses. I am ready 
 to say, with Joseph, " The Lord hath made me to forget all my 
 afflictions, and all my father's house !" 
 
 But Oh ! how shall I write it ? On the fourteenth of August, 
 1785, the dreadful moment came ! The sun of rny earthly joys 
 for ever set, and the cloud arose which casts the sable on all 
 my future life ! At half past ten that Sabbath night, I closed 
 the eyes of my beloved ! What a change ! The whole crea- 
 tion wears a new face to me. The posture of my mind at this 
 season, I will not trust to my memory to describe. I will leave 
 it in the rough manner I then set it down. Perhaps some on 
 walking in the same dreary path may find a little comfort there- 
 from. To others it may be^dry and insipid. " The heart know- 
 eth its own bitterness." 
 
 On September 15, 1785, I wrote in my diary as follows : " 1 
 am truly a desolate woman, who hath no helper but thee." 1 
 remember a little before the translation of my dearest love, we 
 were drawn out continually to ask for a greater measure of the 
 Spirit such a measure as was given at pentecost : or in other 
 words, such a manifestation of the loving nature of God, as 
 should fulfil in us that promise, " Ye are the temples of the 
 Holy Ghost." This I asked and pleaded for, and that on any 
 condition. My dear Mr. Fletcher used to say, " That is right, 
 Polly ; let us hold fast there, and leave all the rest to God, 
 though he should be constrained to part us asunder to give the 
 answer." 
 
 On the Tuesday before my love died, when those words were 
 applied to my mind, " Where I am, there shall my servants be,
 
 124 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 
 
 that they may behold my glory," I felt such a power in them, 
 as seemed in a great degree to take away the bitterness even 
 of that dreadful cup. "To behold my glory !" That thought 
 would for moments swallow up all, and I seemed to lose myself 
 in the desire of his glory being manifested. But that awful 
 night ! when I had hung over my dear husband for many hours, 
 expecting every breath to be his last, and during which time 
 he could not speak to, nor take any notice of me, a flood of 
 unspeakable sorrow overspread my heart, and quite overwhelm- 
 ed my spirit. I was scarcely in my senses ; and such a fear 
 seized my soul lest I should say or do any thing displeasing t-> 
 the Lord, that I was torn as it were a thousand ways at once. 
 
 My fatigue had been great : I was barely recovered of my 
 fever, and this stroke so tore my nerves, that it was an inlet to 
 much temptation. In former parts of my life, I have felt deep 
 sorrow ; but such were now my feelings, that no words that I 
 am able to think of can convey any adequate idea thereof. . The 
 next morning Oh ! my God ! what a cup didst thou put into 
 my hand ! Not only my beloved husband, but it appeared to 
 me my Saviour also, was torn from me ! Clouds and darkness 
 surrounded both soul and body ! The sins even of my infancy 
 came before me, and assaulted me as thick as hail ! I seemed 
 to have no love, no faith, no light ; and yet I could not doubt 
 but I should see the smiling face of God in glory ! Yea, that 
 heaven would terminate all my sufferings ! There did not seem 
 cne dart thrown at my final salvation. An unshaken belief 
 that Christ would bring me through all, was my great support ; 
 and it seemed to me, that I must have been annihilated had 1 
 been moved from that anchor. No finite creature could have 
 supported it. My agonized soul seemed t/o sweat blood ; and 
 I felt the meaning of those words, " TlM*pains of hell gat hold 
 upon me !" What, said I, is this u.e SOuJ that but a few days 
 ago delighted in the thought of "THil glory !" But now he 
 hath entered into judgment with me ! My soul was amazed, 
 and in deep anguish ; and literally my life drew nigh to the 
 grave ! 
 
 When formerly I have read accounts like this, I have thought, 
 These persons have a strong way of expressing themselves ; 
 but, alas ! I solemnly declare, no expression appears to me 
 strong enough for what I felt. That word passed my mind 
 several times : 
 
 " Even to his Father did he look 
 In pain, his Father him forsook !" 
 
 A host of foes seemed to surround me, and I was (as it appear- 
 ed to me) given into their hands.* Those words came oftea 
 
 * This -whole account describes truly, " the hour and the power of darkness. 
 The blast C|f the terrible ones" was indeed " as a storm against the wall !" !>'*
 
 ?ART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 125 
 
 to my mind, " To know him, and the power of his resurrection, 
 and the fellowship of his sufferings." Sometimes I remember- 
 ed that expression, " My God ! my God ! why hast thou for- 
 saken me 1" I cast my mournful eyes toward the " Man of 
 sorrows" who spoke them, but there seemed no answer, all was 
 horror and darkness. 
 
 Many times a day I visited my lovely corpse, remembering, 
 as I knelt beside him, how he used to say, " Ah ! my dear Polly, 
 must I ever see thee laid out on this bed !" But, alas ! he could 
 no more speak to me, no more express his tender sympathy ! 
 Now " I trod the wine press alone," and truly " there was none 
 with me." The rest of the day I sat mostly alone in the next 
 room, where my window presented to my view the grave dig- 
 ging, and the churchyard visited by numbers to look at the 
 vault ! Soon it occurred to my mind, that before we married, 
 some letters had passed between us on particular subjects, 
 which he had often told me I had better burn ; saying, " Thou 
 puttest it off; and if one of us should die, it will almost kill 
 the other to do it then." Yet, being loath to part with them, 
 I had neglected to do it ; but now being seized with a kind of 
 palsy, and loss of memory, I thought, perhaps in another day 
 I may not be able to do it, and then I shall be unfaithful to my 
 dear husband's command. The third day, therefore, I carried 
 them to the fire. But Oh ! what did I feel at the sight ! I 
 could not even avoid seeing some of the tender expression! 
 they contained, which were now as barbed arrows to my heart. 
 Next day came on the funeral. 
 
 All this time my soul was as in the lion's den. The day 
 after I heard that some reports were abroad concerning my 
 dear husband's death, as if he had been delirious, and expired 
 in great agonies. I believed I was called to write the truth ; 
 and casting myself on' the Lord, to be guided by his hand as a 
 mere machine, I took up my pen and wrote to Mr. Wesley the" 
 following letter. I wrote it at one sitting, intending to copy it 
 afterward ; but I had no more strength than just sufficed for 
 the occasion. I sent it, therefore, as it was, to the press, and 
 left it all to God. 
 
 "AUGUST 18, 1785. 
 
 REV. AND VERY DEAR SIR : Though but yesterday I part* d 
 with my beloved husband's remains, I must now endeavour to 
 collect my wounded mind, as I would not have any of his words 
 fall to the ground, and give, if possible, some account of the 
 awful, but to him, glorious scene. 
 
 this " follower of Christ,-'' nevertheless, " walked not in darkness." She, like 
 her Master, could say, " My God ! My God !" when her " soul was sorrowful 
 even unto death." Thus, " Heaven its choicest gold by suffering tried." The 
 saint sustained it, but the woman felt : and she no more disguised her fbelingN 
 thac our divine Master did, ED, 
 
 n*
 
 126 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 
 
 " Our union increased daily, as did his health and strength , 
 his consumptive complaint appeared quite removed, and in my 
 eyes the bitterness of death was past. The work was sweetly 
 prospering, and in a variety of circumstances the sun of pros- 
 perity shone around us. 
 
 " For some time before this last illness, his precious soul 
 (always alive to God) was particularly penetrated with the 
 nearness of eternity ; there was scarce an hour in which he 
 was not calling upon me to drop every thought and every care, 
 that we might attend to nothing but drinking deeper into God. 
 We spent much time in wrestling prayer for the fulness of the 
 Spirit, and were led in a very peculiar manner, to an act of 
 abandonment (as we called it) of our whole selves into the 
 hands of God, to do or suffer whatever was pleasing to him. 
 On Thursday, August 4, he was taken up in the work of God 
 from three in the afternoon, till nine at night ; when he came 
 home, he said, ' I have taken cold.' Friday and Saturday lie 
 was but poorly, though he went out part of the day, but seem- 
 ed uncommonly drawn out in prayer. On Saturday night his 
 fever first appeared very strong. I begged him not to go to the 
 church in the morning, but let a pious brother who was here 
 preach in the yard ; but he told rne he believed it was the will 
 of the Lord, and that he was assured it was right he should go ; 
 in which case I never dared to dissuade him. As I was in the 
 morning with a little company of our pious women, I begged 
 they would pray that he might be strengthened, and that I might 
 have a grain of that faith whieh supported the faithful when 
 their friends were martyred. In reading the prayers he almost 
 fainted away. I got through the crowd with a friend, and 
 entreated him to come out of the desk, as did some others ; but 
 he let us know in his sweet manner, that we were not to inter- 
 rupt the order of God. I then retired to my pew, where all 
 around me were in tears. When he was a little refreshed by 
 the windows being opened, and a nosegay thrown into the desk 
 by a friend, he went on ; and afterward going up into the pul- 
 pit, preached with a strength and recollection that surprised 
 us all. 
 
 " IP his first prayer he said, ' Lord, thou wilt manifest thy 
 strength in weakness ; we confer not with flesh and blood, but 
 put our trust under the shadow of thy wings.' 
 
 " His text was from Psalm xxxvi, ' Thou, Lord, shalt save 
 both man and beast ; how excellent is^thy mercy, O God ; and 
 the children of men shall put their trust under the shadow of 
 thy wings.' 
 
 "After he had pointed out the Saviour of mankind, and 
 observed, how some by sin had made themselves beasts, he 
 Showed that the promise, even in that sense, might be applied 
 to the sinner, as well as to the beasts of the earth.: and in
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 
 
 speaking to these, with his usual earnestness, he pressed, 
 invited, and entreated them to return unto God, enforcing 
 those words of our Lord when he came near to Jerusalem, and 
 wept over it : 'If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this 
 thy day, the things which belong to thy peace ! but now they 
 are hid from thine eyes.' These words peculiarly pierced the 
 hearts of many, as they have since told me. He continued to 
 observe, in nearly the following words, ' That the wings of the 
 Lord are compared to those of an eagle for strength and pro- 
 tection,' Exodus xix. ' I bare you on eagles' wings, and brought 
 you unto myself.' And to those of a hen for love and care, 
 ' Like as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.' In 
 the Jewish tabernacle, where was the holy of holies, two che- 
 rubim were placed, whose extended wings joining together 
 overshadowed the mercy seat. When Christ died upon the 
 cross, his arms were stretched out, and these were as wings of 
 love which he opened, and still holds wide open, to receive all 
 that come unto him ; let us then, when we see his love and 
 power thus united to save and bless us, enter boldly into the 
 holy of holies through, the door of Divine mercy. A friend 
 threw me some flowers to revive me when I was faint, but the 
 mercy of the Lord is far more reviving ; it is this I would hold 
 out to you, and drop it into your very bosoms ; may it sink deep 
 there, that you may ' taste and see how good the Lord is,' and 
 confess that his saving mercy is above the richest perfume, for 
 ' he saves both man and beast !' 
 
 " After sermon he went up the aisle to the communion table, 
 with these words : ' I am going to throw myself under the wings 
 of the cherubim before the mercy seat.' 
 
 " The congregation was large, and the service held till near 
 two. Sometimes he could scarcely stand, and was often obliged 
 to stop for want of power to speak. The people were deeply 
 affected. Weeping was on every side. Gracious Lord ! how 
 was it my soul was kept so calm in the midst of the most ten- 
 der feelings'! Notwithstanding his extreme weakness, he gave 
 out several verses of hymns, and various lively sentences of 
 exhortation. As soon as the service was over, we hurried him 
 away to his bed, where lie immediately fainted away. He after- 
 ward dropped into a sleep for some time, and upon waking,, 
 cried out, with a pleasant smile, ' Now, my dear, thou seest I 
 am no worse for doing the Lord's work : he never fails mo 
 when I trust in him.' After he had got a little dinner he dozed 
 most of the evening ; now and then waking (as was usual witli 
 him) full of the praises of God. That night his fever returned, 
 but not so bad as on Saturday ; nevertheless from Sunday hie 
 strength decreased amazingly. On Monday and Tuesday we 
 had a little paradise together ; he lay on a couch in the study, 
 and was at times very restless, as to change of posture, but
 
 128 THE LIFE OF [PART IV, 
 
 sweetly pleasant, and often slept for a good while. When 
 awake, he delighted much in hearing me read hymns and tracte 
 on faith and love. His words were all animating, and his 
 patience beyond what I can express. When he had any bitter 
 or nauseous medicine to take, he seemed to enjoy the cross, 
 reminding me of a word he rsed ---fieri to repeat, that our 
 business was to seek a perfect conformity to the will of God, 
 and then leave him to give us what comfort he saw good. 1 
 asked him, if he should be taken from me, whether he had any 
 particular directions or orders to give me, since I desired to 
 form my whole life thereby. He replied, ' No, not by mine, 
 the Holy Ghost shall direct thee ; I have nothing particular to 
 say, only that the Lord will open all before thee ; and let not 
 any one bring thee into bondage. If I stay with thee, I will 
 keep thee from oppression ; but if I should be taken from thee, 
 beware.' I said, Hast thou any conviction the Lord is about to 
 take thee 1 He answered, ' No, not in particular ; only I always 
 see death so inexpressibly near, that we both seem to stand as 
 on the verge of eternity.' While he slept a little, I laid my 
 trial before the Lord, entreating him, if it was his good plea- 
 sure, to spare my beloved husband a little longer; but my 
 prayer seemed to have no wings. It was held down, and I 
 could not help mingling continually therewith, Lord, give me 
 perfect resignation ! This uncertainty in my own mind made 
 me rather tremble, lest the Lord was going to take the bitter 
 cup out of my dear's hand, and give it unto me. The cup of 
 separation he had for some weeks before very deeply drank of, 
 when I myself was ill of the fever. At that time he often pass- 
 ed through the whole parting scene, and struggled for the for- 
 titude of perfect resignation. Sometimes he would say at that 
 season, ' O Polly ! shall I ever see the day when thou must be 
 carried out to be buried 1 How will the little things which thou 
 wast accustomed to use, and all those which thy tender care 
 has prepared for me in every part of the house, how will they 
 wound and distress me ! How is it ! I think I feel jealousy 
 I am jealous of the worms ! I seem to shrink at giving my dear 
 Polly to the worms !' 
 
 " Now all these reflections returned with a millstone's weight 
 on my heart. I cried to the Lord, and those words were deeply 
 impressed on my spirit : ' Where I am, there shall my servants 
 be, that they may behold my glory.' This promise was full of 
 matter as well as unction to my soul. It explained itself thue : 
 That in Christ's immediate presence was our home, and that 
 we should find our reunion in being deeply centred in him, I 
 received it as a fresh marriage for eternity. As such I stili 
 take, and trust for ever to hold it. All that day, whenever 1 
 thought of this expression, 'to behold my glory,' it seemed to
 
 PART IV.J MRS. FLETCHER. 129 
 
 wipe every tear away, and was as the ring by which we were 
 joined anew. 
 
 " Awaking some time after, he said, ' Polly, I will tell you 
 what I have been thinking of; it was Israel's fault that they 
 asked for signs ; we will not do so ; but abandoning our whole 
 selves into the hands of God, wesWill there lie patiently before 
 him, assured that he will d>- all things 'well.' 
 
 " ' My dear love,' said 1, if e^fer I have done or said any 
 thing to grieve thee, how will the remembrance wound my 
 heart, shouldst thou be taken from me !' 
 
 " He entreated and charged me, with inexpressible tender- 
 ness, not to allow the thought ; declaring his thankfulness for 
 our union, in a variety of words, which remain written on my 
 heart, as with the adamantine pen of friendship deeply dipped 
 in blood. 
 
 " On Wednesday, after groaning all day as it were under the 
 weight of the power of <jpd, he told me, he had received such 
 a manifestation of the funeaning of that word, ' God is love,' 
 aa he could never be ablero tell. It fills me, said he ; it fills 
 me every moment. O Polly ! my dear Polly ! God is love ! 
 shout, shout aloud ! Oh ! it so fills me, I want a gust of praise 
 to go to the ends of the earth. But it seems as if I could not 
 speak much longer ; let us fix on a sign between ourselves, 
 (tapping me twice with his dear finger,) now I mean ' God is 
 love, and we will draw each other into God : observe ! by this 
 we will draw each other into God.' 
 
 " Sally coming in, he cried out, ' O Sally ! God is love ! shout 
 both of you ; I want to hear you shout his praise.' Indeed it 
 was a season of love. All this time the medical friend who 
 attended him with unwearied diligence, hoped he was in no 
 danger. He knew it to be the fever ; but as he had no bad 
 headache, much sleep, without the least delirium, and an almost 
 regular pulse, seldom much quicker than my own, he thought 
 the symptoms amazingly mild ; for though the disease was 
 commissioned to take his life, yet it seemed so restrained by 
 the power of God, that we truly discerned in it the verity of 
 those words, Death is yours. 
 
 " On Thursday his speech began to fail. While he was able 
 he continued speaking to all who came in his way. Accidentally 
 hearing that a stranger was in the house, he ordered her to bo 
 called up, though uttering two sentences almost made him faint . 
 To his friendly doctor he would not be silent while he had any 
 power of speech ; often saying, ' O sir, you take much thought 
 for my body; give me lea,ve to take thought for your soul.' 
 And I believe his words will remain with that friend for ever. 
 When I could scarcely understand any thing he said, I spoke 
 these words, 'God is love.' Instantly he catched them, as if 
 jjl his powers were awakened afresh, and broke out in a rap.
 
 130 THE LIFE OF [PART IT 
 
 ture, God is love, love, love ! Oh for that gust of praise I 
 want to Bound !' Here his dear voice again failed. He was 
 restless, and often suffered many ways, but with such patience, 
 as none but those who were with him can conceive. If I named 
 his sufferings, he would smile, and make the sign. 
 
 "On Friday, finding hisypar body covered with spots, I so 
 far understood them, asVo feel a sword pierce through my soul. 
 As I was kneeling by his B?d, with my hand in his, entreating 
 the Lord to be with us, in thi^ tremendous hour, he strove tu 
 say many tilings, but could not. Pressing my hand, and ofter 
 repeating the sign, at last he breathed out, ' Head of the church, 
 be head to my wife.' When for a few moments I was forced to 
 leave him, to gather up some sheets of one of his manuscripts, 
 which I feared would be lost, Sally^aid to him, ' My dear master, 
 do you know me ?' He replied, ^Sally, God will put his right 
 hand under you.' She added, ' O my dear master, should you 
 be taken away, what a disconsolate^reature will my poor dear 
 mistress be !' He replied, 'God w|e her all in ail.' He had 
 always delighted much in these woTO : 
 
 ' Jesus' blood through earth and skies, 
 Mercy, free, boundless mercy cries !' 
 
 And whenever I repeated them to him, he would answer, 
 boundless, boundless, boundless ! and in allusion to them, he 
 now replied, though with great difficulty, 
 
 ' Mercy's full power I soon shall prove, 
 Loved with an everlasting love.' 
 
 " On Saturday afternoon his fever seemed quite off, and a 
 few Christian friends standing near the bed, he reached his 
 hand to each of them, and looking on a minister, who was 
 weeping by him, he said, ' Are you ready to assist to-morrow V 
 Which recollection of his amazed us much, as the day of thr 
 week had not been named in his room. Most about him could 
 not but believe he was better, and would get over it. One eaid, 
 ' Do you think that the Lord will raise you up ?' He strove to 
 answer, saying, ' Raise in resur , raise in reeur ,' mean- 
 ing in the resurrection. To another who asked the same 
 question, he said, ' I leave it all to God.' 
 
 " In the evening his fever returned with violence, and the 
 mucus falling on the windpipe, occasioned him to be almost 
 strangled. He suffered greatly ; and it was feared the same 
 painful emotion would continue and grow more violent to the 
 last. This I felt most exquisitely, and cried to the Lord to 
 remove it ; and, glory be to his nanje, he did remove it ; and i: 
 returned no more in that way. As night drew on, I thought 1 
 perceived him dying very fast ; his fingers could no\y hardly 
 move to make the sign, (which he seemed scarce eve_to for- 
 get,) and his speech, as it seemed, was quite gone. * I said.
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 131 
 
 'My dear creature, I ask not for myself; / know thy soul; 
 but for the sake of others ; if Jesus is very present with thee, 
 lift thy right hand.' He did so. I added, ' If the prospect of 
 glory sweetly opens before thee, repeat the sign.' He then 
 raised it again, and in half a minute a second time ; then 
 threw it up with all his remaining strength, as if he would reach 
 the top of the bed ! After tks his dear hands moved no more ; 
 but on my saying, 'Art thou in much pain 1 ?' he answered, 
 ' No.' From this time he entered into a state that might be 
 called a kind of sleep, though with eyes open and fixed, and 
 his hands utterly void of any motion. For the most part he 
 sat upright against pillows, with his head a little inclined to 
 one side, and so remarkablyjcomposed and triumphant was his 
 countenance, that the least trace of death was scarcely dis- 
 cernible in it. 
 
 " Twenty-four hours my dearly beloved was in this situation, 
 breathing like a person in common sleep. About thirty-five 
 minutes past ten, on Sunday night, August 14th, his precious 
 soul entered into the joy of the Lord, without one struggle or 
 groan, in the fifty-sixth year of his age. Often he had said, 
 when hearing of happy deaths, Well, let us get holy lives, and 
 \ve will leave the rest to God.' But I, who was scarce a minute 
 at a time from him night or day, can truly say, that there was 
 the strongest reason to believe, 
 
 ' No cloud did arise, to darken the skies, 
 Or hide, for one moment, his Lord from his eyes.' 
 
 "And here I break off my mournful story! I could say 
 abundance more ; but on my bleeding heart his fair picture of 
 heavenly excellence will be for ever drawn. When I call to 
 mind his ardent zeal, his laborious endeavours to seek and 
 save the lost, his diligence in the employment of his time, 
 his Christ-like condescension toward me, and his uninterrupted 
 converse with Heaven, I may well be allowed to add, my loss 
 is beyond the power of words to paint. O sir, you know I have 
 trodden deep waters ; but ' all my afflictions were nothing com- 
 pared to this.' Well, I want no pleasant prospect, but upward, 
 nor any thing whereon to fix my hope, trot immortality. 
 
 " On the 17th his dear remains were deposited in Madeley 
 churchyard, amid the tears and lamentations of thousands, who 
 flocked about the bier of their dead pastor. Between the house 
 and the church they sung these verses : 
 
 1 With heavenly weapons he hath fought 
 
 The battles of the Lord ; 
 Finish'd his course, and kept the faith, 
 
 And gain'd the great reward. 
 God hath laid up in heaven for him 
 
 A crown which cannot fade ; 
 The righteous Judge, at that great day. 
 
 Shaft place it on his head.'
 
 132 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 
 
 " The service was performed by the Rev. Mr. Hatton, rector 
 r>f Watere-upton, whom the Lord moved in a pathetic manner 
 to speak to his weeping flock on the sad occasion. In the 
 conclusion, at my request, he read the following paper : 
 
 " As it was the desire of my beloved husband to be buried in 
 this plain manner, so out of tenderness he begged that I might 
 .not be present ; and in all things I would obey him. 
 
 " Permit me then to take this opportunity, by the mouth of a 
 friend, to bear my open testimony to the glory of God, that I, 
 who have known him in the most perfect manner, am con- 
 strained to declare, I never knew any one walk so closely in 
 , the ways of God as he did. The Lord gave him a conscience 
 tender as the apple of an eye. H$ literally preferred the inter- 
 est of every one to his own. He was rigidly just, but perfectly 
 'loose from all attachment to the world. He shared his all with 
 the poor, who lay so close to his heart, that on the approach of 
 death, though his speech was so gone that he could utter nothing 
 without difficulty, he cried out, Oh my poor! what will become 
 of my poor ! I am dead to my poor ! He was blessed with so 
 great a degree of humility as is scarcely to be found. I am 
 witness how often he has taken a real pleasure in being treated 
 with contempt ; indeed it seemed the very food of his soul 
 to be little and unknown. When he said to me, ' Thou wilt 
 write a line or two to my brother in Switzerland, if I die,' I 
 replied, ' My dear love, I will write him all the Lord's dealings 
 with thee.' ' No, no,' said he, 'write nothing about me. I desire 
 to be forgotten ; God is all .'' 
 
 " His zeal for souls I need not tell you : let the labour of 
 twenty-five years, and a martyr's death in the conclusion, 
 imprint it on your hearts. His diligent visitation of the sick, 
 laid, to appearance, the foundation of the spotted fever, which, 
 by God's commission, tore him from you and me ; ami his vehe- 
 ment desire to take his last leave of you, with dying lips and 
 Hands, gave (it is supposed) the finishing stroke, by preparing 
 his blood for putrefaction. Thus hath he lived and died your 
 servant. And will any of you refuse to meet him at God's 
 right hand in that day ? 
 
 " He walked with death always in sight ; and about two 
 months ago he came to me one day, and said, ' My dear love, 
 I kno\y not how it is, but I have a strange impression death is 
 very near us, as if it be some sudden stroke upon one of us ; 
 and it draws out ah my soul in prayer that we may be ready.' He 
 then broke out, Lord, prepare the soul thou wilt call ; and Oh 
 stand by the poor Itsconsolate one who shall be left behind. 
 
 " A few days before his departure, he was filled witit love in 
 an uncommon manner, saying to me, ' I have had sucfr a dis- 
 covery of the depth of that word, God is love, as I can, 
 thee half, but it fills me. it Jills me. O Polly ! my dear Polly ! 
 .^
 
 PART IV.] MBS. FLETCHER. 133 
 
 God is love ! shout his praise ! I want a gust of praise to 
 reach to the ends of the earth.' And the same he testified as 
 Jong as he had voice, and continued to testify to the end, by a 
 most lamb-like patience, in which he victoriously smiled at 
 death, and set his last seal to the glorious truths he had so long 
 preached among you. 
 
 " Three years, nine months, and two days, I have possessed 
 my heavenly minded husband ; but now, the sun of my earthly 
 joy is set for ever, and my soul filled with an anguish, which 
 unly finds its consolation in a total abandonment and resigna- 
 tion to the will of God : an exercise to which my dear husband 
 and I had of late been particularly drawn. When I was asking 
 the Lord if he pleased to spare him to me a little longer, the 
 following answer was impressed on my mind with great power, 
 and in the accomplishment of this word of promise I look for 
 our reunion, ' Where I am there shall my servants be, that 
 they may behold my glory !' Lord, hasten the hour ! 
 " I am, Rev. and dear sir, &c, 
 
 " MARY FLETCHER." 
 
 ' The Rev. Mr. Wesley." 
 
 My anguish was extreme. All outward support seemed to 
 be withdrawn ; appetite and sleep quite failed me ; and even 
 the air, I often thought, had entirely lost all its vivifying powers. 
 As I never before had any conception of the bitter anguish 
 which the Lord saw good to visit me with at this season ; so I 
 can give no just description of it. " Known unto God are all 
 his ways ;" and I was assured, even in the midst of my trou- 
 ble, that all he did was well, and that there was a needs be for 
 this heavy trial. But what bound all my other trials upon me, 
 was, I felt continually the keenest accusations from -Jatan, 
 constraining me by every possible suggestion to look at my 
 extreme sensibility in suffering, as being deeply sinful ! What, 
 thought I, has made this change ! If Jesus was rny all, should 
 I not feel as keenly the sense of his having suffered for me, as 
 I do in the thought of my dear husband's kindness, and in the 
 dreadful feeling of my separation from him 1 And because I 
 could feel but very faint touches of sensible communion with 
 God, I was torn as it were in pieces. All my religion seemed 
 shrunk into one point ; viz. a constant cry, Thy will be done .'* 
 / will, yes, / will glorify thee, even in this fire ! 
 
 Yet it seemed to me I did not glorify him and so afraid was 
 [ of turning to any human comfort, or stopping short of all the 
 Lord would have me to do or be, that in the midst of this ter- 
 rible furnace, I can say, that at every moment my conscience 
 was '.' quick as the apple of an eye, the slightest touch of am 
 
 * Tills is a fruit of the Spirit that never fails those who abide in the faith, even 
 in the darkest hour. ED.
 
 134 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 
 
 to feel." Yea, my spirit was all eye to discern its most distant 
 approach. Yet in every tiling I seemed to be accused, and also 
 condemned ; so that my soul was indeed sorrowful even unto 
 death* 
 
 One morning before I was awake, I heard singing voices, 
 as just over my face : they answered one another with these 
 words, 
 
 " Weep ye in Zion's doep distress, 
 In Zion's sorrow mourn." 
 
 Then one voice, which I well knew to be that of my dearest 
 love, spake in distinct words, and with much emphasis, 
 
 " Fight the good fight of faith with me, 
 My fellow soldier, fight." 
 
 It gave me some little comfort, and animated me to follow his 
 bright example. 
 
 One day these words were applied with much power to my 
 heart, " These light afflictions, which are but for a moment, 
 shall work out for you a far more exceeding and eternal weight 
 of glory." What, sa,d I, did the Apostle, who had been in the 
 third heaven, and knew well what he said, did he call these 
 afflictions light when put in the scale with that glory ? It was 
 answered in my heart, Yes, as a bubble ! " compared with the 
 glory that shall be revealed." I got a momentary glimpse of 
 our home above, in the celestial city ; and those words were 
 spoken through my heart, 
 
 " Heaven is thy inheritance, 
 Thou shall soon remove from hence." ' 
 
 Very many were these little in-breakings of light, yea, often in 
 a day ; yet my pain was unspeakable. I was constantly per- 
 plexed with that thought, that a believer can never be in dark- 
 ness ; that they always " rejoice with joy unspeakable and full 
 of glory ;" that nothing but sin given way to, can damp their 
 joy.f This was an inlet to much temptation ; and now, I had 
 no one to tell my troubles to ! No partner to bear a share in 
 them. In all our spiritual conflicts we had been so entirely 
 one, that cares, by being divided, were hushed into peace. A 
 word from him would frequently light up, as it were, a candle 
 in my soul ; and was enough to turn aside the keenest tempta- 
 tion. But now I trod the winepress alone, and felt my de- 
 pendence had been too much on the creature. I had clung to 
 him as the ivy to the oak, and now seemed to be nothing ! I 
 saw myself left in a howling wilderness alone ! Yet still I 
 could jay, 
 
 * In all this I bclievfi tint pious and well informed reader will be satisfied 
 that, (as the Holy Ghost testifies of Job,) "she Binned not, nor charged Sod- 
 foolishly." ED. 
 
 t Ye, temptation can damp their joy ; but only sin can destroy it. Her joy 
 was not destroyed ; she had " times of refreshing." ED.
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 135 
 
 "With tbee I on Zion shall stand. 
 For Jesus hath spoken the word." 
 
 But the Lord seemed to do by me as by the Canaanitish wo- 
 man ; He did not answer me ! I followed, and often said in 
 my heart, (reflecting on all my unfaithfulness,) Ah ! " It is not 
 meet to take the children's bread and cast it to the dogs !" It 
 seemed I could to all eternity have praised him for the least 
 drop of comfort ; and yet I felt the power of these words, 
 
 " A drop will not suffice, 
 
 My soul for all thy fulness cries." 
 
 in the midst of this dreadful conflict I felt some consolation 
 from the thought, that by the account of his precious death, 
 which surely the Lord himself prompted, and enabled me to 
 write, (as I had hardly at the time either sense or memory,) I 
 had helped, in a little measure, that shout of praise to go forth, 
 which, with his dying lips, he said he wanted to reach the ends 
 of the earth ! And though I have lost my dear husband, and 
 felt the force of the " hour and power of darkness," yet through 
 all, I believed I should conquer. So it is with me now ; but I 
 do not seem as yet to have the privilege of shouting victory. 
 
 As soon as the funeral was over, I found the dear children 
 which my beloved partner had left behind, laid upon my mind. 
 I saw there were many things to settle among them respecting 
 the work of God ; some dangerous rocks to avoid, and some 
 needful plans to propose. Therefore, before another week 
 passed, I saw I must act among them, and meet the people the 
 same as before ; and though very ill, and filled with sorrow, 
 the Lord enabled me to do so, showing me the only way to 
 bear the cross profitably, was so to carry it as if I carried it not. 
 About a fortnight before my dear husband's last sickness, he 
 was one night at the Wednesday meeting, when being greatly 
 affected about me, as I was ill at that time, he could hardly get 
 through it. He said to me afterward, "My dear, I could 
 scarcely speak to the people. I felt, I knew not how, as if thy 
 empty chair stood by me ! Something seemed to say we should 
 soon be parted ; and I thought, Must I meet these people, and 
 see my Polly's empty chair always by me ?" But now the cup 
 was mine. Yea, and I have drunk it to the very dregs ! 
 
 September 21, 1785. Ah ! Lord, my soul is exceeding sor- 
 rowful ! How lonely doth my situation appear ! Torn from 
 my dear companion, and made to walk in this dreary path! 
 But this is my greatest weight, I do not ffedl that union with 
 thee, that would make up all. There arc- indeed moments in 
 which a glimpse of thy love seems to unite me to all good, and 
 wipes away every tear. But these are transient touches, and 
 I am deeply oppressed with that fear that I am not approved in 
 r .hy sight, because I do not rejoice evermore ! I well know I
 
 136 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 
 
 want a farther plunge into thy sacred will. I am not yet " the 
 temple of the Holy Ghost." 
 
 For some time back those words have been much on my 
 mind, " Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may stand in 
 the evil day, and having done all, may stand." I have some- 
 times said, Lord, have I passed that evil day, or is it still to 
 come ? And I always felt with submission a desire it might, 
 not be in death. O Lord ! do all fhy will upon me, but make 
 me wholly conformable to thy divine nature ! Glorify thyself 
 in thy poor creature ! I feel as if soul and body would be 
 divided by this terrible wrench ! Yet I acquiesce, fully acquiesce, 
 in thy divine disposal. Yes, I see and admire thy wisdom ! I 
 bow down to a dispensation I do not clearly understand ! The 
 Lord hath done it ! and that shall be enough to satisfy me. I 
 remember one of my dear husband's dying sayings was, Polly, 
 let us not fear, God is love ! What canst thou fear, my dearest, 
 when God is love ? I feel it is the truth ; nevertheless, I do 
 not feel perfect rest in that truth, for want of that perfect love 
 which casteth out all fear. Nothing will do for me but the 
 indwelling Deity! "He that dwelleth in love, dwelleth ia 
 God, and God in him." 
 
 October 3, 1785. My sorrowful soul waiteth on thee, O 
 Lord ! Oh ! what a cloud there is on my whole situation ' 
 Three months ago I was raised to the highest pitch of human 
 consolatign. I often thought all that God could give of ten: 
 poral comforts was poured upon me. Whenever I was hearing 
 any one speak of the afflictions they were under, I used to be- 
 humbled to the very dust. Something would suggest, Ah : 
 you may well bear your crosses, and rejoice that ye have sucl. 
 a treasure continually augmenting in your bosom ; but let God 
 only lay his hand on your husband, and see then whether you 
 will bless him ! It seemed to me, that I so honoured any of 
 my fellow creatures who were in trouble, that I could kiss the 
 very dust from their feet, and was often filled with astonish- 
 ment, why such a wretch as I was spared their bitter cup ! 
 But now I drink it indeed ; yet at the same tune I can say, I 
 see it my privilege to "follow the Lamb whithersoever he 
 goeth," without asking where, or to what new cross he will 
 lead me. Oh what should I do were it not for the privilege of 
 pouring out my soul in prayer ! Lord, come and make thine 
 ie in me! 
 
 One day when I had some reason to think this house would 
 be wanted, and that I must quit it, I began to consider where I 
 had best remove to. I reflected on my dear husband's words, 
 when he said a little before he lost his speech, " Stay here, a\y 
 dear ; I do not speak for the people only, but for thy safe.. 
 Thou wilt never be so well settled again. Here thou wit Se 
 most out of the way from many things which would be a crc*
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 137 
 
 and a hinderance to thee." It was therefore very painful for me 
 to think of taking one single step in any thing contrary to his 
 advice. And yet I must own, had he not all along said I must 
 stay here, I believe I could not have resolved so to do, for every 
 day brought me some cutting trial. A new ministry, a new 
 plan for the work, and various causes of anxiety and trouble. 
 
 But now it appeared I must remove. I began to think of one 
 place and another, but every one seemed to bear the gloom of 
 night. I could see no spot in the creation for me to rest in. A 
 peculiar inward feeling also, seemed to turn from every place I 
 could think of, as if the smile of God was not on my going 
 there. I said, Lord, show me what I shall do ! Only show me 
 what is thy will ! I thought on two places the most likely ; 
 and had some desire to draw a lot concerning them. I had the 
 paper in my hand in order so to do, when the remembrance of 
 my dearest love was presented strongly to rny mind, as speak- 
 ing again those words, " Polly, do not let us look for signs ; let 
 us leave ourselves in the hand of God." I felt an immediate 
 light of faith, and throwing the paper out of my hand, I took up 
 the Bible, intending to read, and for the present to drop every 
 other thought. It opened on those words : " God shall choose 
 our inheritance for us." All my spirit acquiesced, and I an- 
 swered, " Yea, Lord ! Thou hast chosen for rny dear the bright 
 mansions above ; and thou wilt choose for me all rny wander- 
 ings below." There seemed for a moment such a communion 
 opened between the family below and that above, as I cannot 
 express. 
 
 Soon after this I received a message from Mr. Kenerson, 
 letting me know that I should never be turned out of the house, 
 but might rent it ; which I received as an answer from the Lord 
 directing my way. It also brought to my mind a dream I had 
 some years before I married. I dreamed a man came to me to 
 offer me some tithes. I replied, " Friend, I have nothing to 
 do with tithes, I have no concern in any living." But soon 
 after, I said to one of my family, " Hannah, I am going away, 
 I have a call from the Lord, I must go." But again I thought I 
 know not where, not even into what country. However, the 
 way of duty is the way of safety. I will set out, and God will 
 lead me. Immediately I left Cross Hall, and after walking a 
 few paces, I thought I was carried in a moment, I knew not 
 how, and set down in a churchyard, and some jone said to me. 
 You are to enter into this church. I went in, and walking up 
 the aisle, I heard a kind of groan, and said, That is the sound 
 of death. When I came out of the church, I entered into a 
 house 1 which was just by it. As I was on the steps, it was said 
 inwardly to me, This is tin ,-itation which God hath chosen 
 for you. I answered, Oh no , I cannot live here. It is the 
 order of God for me to live jr. Yorkshire. I went into some oS 
 12*
 
 138 THE LIFE OF [PART IV 
 
 the rooms, and found in one I passed through, a man and 
 woman. In the next was a young woman with a child eta he: 
 lap. She appeared dying of a (consumption, and in great con- 
 flicts. We soon entered into conversation, and she seemed 
 very spiritual. After a time she told me, I must come and live 
 here, and here abide. I replied, " Oh no ; I live at Cross Hall, 
 in Yorkshire ; and have a great family and many calls there." 
 But, said she, it is the will of God to bring you here. There in 
 work for you to do. She added, Do not be frightened^ God 
 will make you a comfortable habitation. I said, Have you the 
 Gospel here ! She replied, Yes. And who, said I, is the minis- 
 ter that brought it among you T She replied, He is not here 
 now. Then who, said I, is your present minister ? She showed 
 me a name of three syllables ; but though I read it over and 
 over, I could only remember the two last, "nerson." I felt 
 myself in great anguish and sorrow of mind, (though I could not 
 assign any cause,) and said, I must go away, I cannot stay here. 
 I do not know that man and woman. I cannot live with them. 
 She replied, " That man and woman will go awav when you 
 come. But here is a work for you to do, and you must abide 
 here. Do not be frightened ; God will make you a comfortable 
 habitation," Being determined, however, to return home, I 
 went down stairs, and seeing a coach ready to be hired, I 
 beckoned to it ; the man opened the door, and as I was step- 
 ping in, he said, Where will you be carried to 1 I strove to 
 say, Cross Hall, in Yorkshire, but could not. Then I strove to 
 name various habitations I had formerly lived in, but could 
 remember the name of none. As he still persevered in his 
 questions, I at last stepped back, and pointing to the house I 
 came out of, I said, " That is my home, and God hath taken the 
 remembrance of every other out of my heart." 
 
 I knew nothing of the situation of any thing in Madeley 
 when I had this dream ; but when, some years after, I told it to 
 my dear Mr. Fletcher, he said, " There was a man and woman 
 who lived with me at that time, and a young woman, A. C., 
 who was very useful in the work, to which she proved a nursing- 
 mother. She died of a consumption, in which she had many 
 conflicts." I said, Was there a minister here whose name 
 ended with nerson ? He replied, " No." But now I under- 
 3tand it all. Had I before remembered the whole name, F 
 .should at once have known this dream would be fulfilled at my 
 dear husband's death, as Mr. Kenerson was the patron, and 
 his son now became our vicar. My dear Mr. Fletcher always 
 said, if he died, he believed I was to stay here ; and there are 
 gome circumstances which reconcile me so to do. 
 
 First, I never was in any situation in which I had so much 
 opportunity of doing good, (according lo my small abilities,) as 
 in this place, and that in various ways, public and private; and
 
 PART IV.] MRS. FLETCriER. 139 
 
 to many who live at a distance also. These are providentially 
 thrown in my way, and I find such clear leadings of the Spirit 
 in conversing with them, that (painful as many circumstances 
 are) I am constrained to say, If I choose for the work of God, 
 here I must abide and fix my home.* 
 
 Secondly, Here I have a great many sweet, lively souls to 
 converse with. My meetings are more satisfactory to myself 
 than m any place I ever yet was in ; and still I feel it suited to 
 me, as a soil which my soul grows in. 
 
 Thirdly, It suits my temporal affairs ; this house being 
 cheap, and several other circumstances also are advantageous. 
 
 Fourthly, I never found any other part agree as well with 
 my health as this has done. From a child I could never live 
 in London, nor in any close place ; and here I have had better 
 health than ever before : only at this season, I find the waves 
 o t sorrow have thrown me some paces nearer my eternal home. 
 Truly also, that part of my dream (the sound of death) hath 
 been accomplished in all its pomp ! 
 
 Would any know the king of terrors 1 Let them look on the 
 corpse ot a beloved husband, or tender friend, and there discern 
 the consequences of sin ! For a believer to look at death, as 
 seizing on. himself, has comparatively no terror ! In the midst 
 of the most pleasant scone my life had ever exhibited, I some- 
 ; times said, "I think, my love, lam selfish: it seems as if I 
 | should not fear to die and leave thee ! I am deeply sensible 
 ! however, of all the pain thou wouldst feel. Yet it seems as if 
 we should not be divided even by death." But now the scene 
 is turned t It is my eyes that must for ever have before them 
 that tremendous night. Oh ! what do I feel ! Thy will, O 
 Lord, be done ! 
 
 From this time I have been more and more convinced, my 
 inheritance is appointed of the Lord, and that this is the spot "I 
 am to fix on, at least for the present ; and I rather believe I 
 
 * At the last conference which Mr. Fletcher attended, viz. at Leeds August 
 1784, (about a year before his death,) I had the privilege of sitting very near him' 
 About the middle of the conference he rose, and addressed Mr. Wesley respecting 
 his parish. He said, " I fear my successor will not be interested in the woi k <Tf 
 
 j , "7 may s " tFer - l have done what l could : J ha ve built a -hapel 
 in Madeley \\ cod, and I hope, sir, you will continue to suppj" it, and that Made 
 ley may still be part of the circuit. If you please, I should be glad to be imt 
 down in the minutes as a supernumerary ! Mr. Wesley could hardly hear tliis 
 and the preachers were melted into tears. Turning to them, Mr Fletchei' 
 expressed his hope that they would feed his sheep, and nourish them with tho 
 same truths which they had been used to hear. How wonderfully did the Lord 
 provide for them when lie was pleased to remove their angelic pastor ! " My 
 r ' said he to Mrs. Fletcher, " when you marry me, you must marry my 
 parish." She did so; and as thenewvicar did not reside, and as he hadagreat 
 respect tor Mrs. Fletcher, she was allowed to recommend the curate, whom the 
 .jvi'-ar invariably ap|x>inted, according to that recommendation. The work of 
 Ood has thus continued, and proceeded, for thirty years in peace. May it ne"er 
 be interrupted ! ED.
 
 140 THE Lift, OF [PART iv. 
 
 shall change no more, but that where he died, I shall die also. 
 During this heavy night of sorrow, (attended with such aggra- 
 vating circumstances as it is not needful to explain,) I have also 
 seen an amazing mixture of the tender care and fatherly pro- 
 tection of my God. He withholds his rough wind in the day 
 of his east wind; and will lay no more on his poor creatures 
 than his power and goodness will enable them to bear. I know 
 assuredly, that my bereavement was wrought for the good of 
 my soul. I am, notwithstanding my inward trials, and deep 
 sensibility of my loss, truly enabled to praise God even for the 
 severity of the stroke. Yes, I love his will, I love his cross ! 
 I am, I will be devoted to his glory ! And if that can be pro- 
 moted by my keen anguish, I will delight in suffering all his wis- 
 dom shall appoint ! 
 
 I see also the goodness of the Lord in our bringing Sally 
 Lawrence with us here. The day we were married, as soon 
 as we returned from the church, and went up stair* to ask a 
 blessing on our union, she came into the room, and falling on 
 her knees before my dear husband, she entreated him not to 
 part her from her dear mistress, who had brought her up. He 
 told her he never would ; and now she is made to me a great 
 comfdrt, having all the usefulness of a housekeeper, added to 
 the affection of the tenderest child. 
 
 The Lord has also answered my dear husband's prayers with 
 regard to the work of the Lord, beyond all expectation. Whei) 
 he repeatedly expressed his desire that I should stay here, 1 
 replied, Oh how can I bear the place without thee 1 How can 
 I bear to stay, and see perhaps a carnal ministry ? He answered. 
 " Thou dost not know what God may do. Perhaps there maj 
 never be a carnal ministry here." And so it proved. The Rev 
 Mr. Gilpin and his wife, being on the spot, were at that seasoii 
 kind and tender friends to me, and Mr. Kenerson desired hinc 
 to supply the church till he should return to his own living, 
 which was not for some months. The Lord then provided fo; 
 us a precious young man, Mr. Melville Home, who had tra- 
 velled some time in connection with Mr. Wesley ; and con- 
 cerning whom my dear Mr. Fletcher had (before his illness} 
 expressed a desire that he might be his successor. We have 
 also the Methodist preachers, and their labours are blessed. 
 Brotherly love takes root, and flourishes among us. The work 
 goes on well ; fresh converts are continually brought in, and 
 several have with flowing eyes declared, that the words they 
 once slighted, now seem to rise in judgment against them. 
 They bow to the truth, and are constrained to acknowledge, 
 concerning their deceased pastor, He being dead, yet speaketh. 
 
 The Lord haih also looked on my temporal affairs, beyond 
 what I could have expected. I observed, soon after my mar- 
 riage, that all was now made quite easy. I looked OH thj
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 141 
 
 promise as already fulfilled, having in Layton a good deal more 
 than -would pay all. Some hundreds were however still on 
 interest, though we had lessened the sum while my dear and I 
 were together. But soon after he was taken from me, I received 
 a letter from a person of whom I had borrowed some years 
 before a hundred and fifty pounds, that he wanted it directly ; 
 and I had at this season a good deal to pay on other accounts. 
 As I wished to be free, for the remainder of my short days, 
 from unnecessary care, I had a desire that the estate at Layton- 
 stone should be sold, and the demands all settled at once. I 
 found, however, that could not be done without loss, and there- 
 fore proposed to pay yearly all I could out of my income, which 
 was now increased by the tender care of my dear husband 
 But my youngest brother, William Bosanquet, whom I had not 
 seen for some years, came down on a visit to me. He expressed 
 the greatest sympathy and tenderness toward me in this time 
 of trial ; and after staving with me some days, generously sup- 
 plied me with all the cash I then needed. Some months after, 
 un uncle dying without leaving me any thing, (and indeed I did 
 not think I had any right to expect it,) my brothers wrote me: 
 word, that they were sorry I was not remembered in the will ; 
 and my youngest brother desired me to accept of five hundred 
 pounds (or more if I wanted it) to settle all my affairs. Here 
 was the exact fulfilment of Mrs. Clapham's impression con- 
 cerning us! [See page 109.] This very brother whom she 
 t^en saw, (though at that time there was not the least reason 
 to think of any such thing,) did afterward, as it was represented 
 to her, bring me many smaller sums, and at last one so large an 
 to remove all burdens at once from my shoulders ! And on 
 January, 1787, I wrote in iny diary, I now owe no man any 
 thing but love : my income is quite clear, and I have, accord- 
 ing to the promise, great plenty of silver. 
 
 PART THE FIFTH. 
 
 HER SETTLEMENT AT MADELEY, AND THOUGHTS ON COM- 
 MUNION WITH HAPPY SPIRITS. 
 
 December 15, 1785. 
 
 MY soul is exceeding sorrowful. I feel the loss of my clear- 
 est husband in a manner I cannot express. Four months are 
 now ekpsed since I sustained that dreadful scene, yet it seems 
 as if it was but yesterday. Nothing can comfort me but the 
 blessing promised in those words, " I and my Father will come 
 and make our abode with you," Nothing short of that baptism
 
 142 THE LIFE OF [PART V,. 
 
 of the Holy Ghost can heal and satisfy my wounded soul. But 
 I will endeavour to recollect the blessings which attend even 
 my melancholy situation, and strive by steps of thankfulness to 
 raise my heart from gratitude to exulting praise. 
 
 First, I have the comfort of knowing my dear love is in 
 glory. He hath proved the victory, his " last enemy is de- 
 stroyed!" Death shall no more threaten him with the cold 
 grave ; it is conquered for ever, and shall be " swallowed up in 
 victory." 
 
 Secondly, I had the consolation of being with him to the 
 last moment, and hearing him, so long as he could speak, ex- 
 press how comfortable he was both inward and outward ; prais- 
 ing God often for the comfortable attendance he had in the 
 needful hour, and many times saying to me, " I am most sweetly 
 filled, but I do not seem for much speaking ; I am drawn in- 
 ward." 
 
 Thirdly, I rejoice that he told me, " God would open all my 
 way before me ;" and with his last blessing gave me to the 
 Lord, saying, " Head of the church, be head to my wife !" 
 
 Fourthly, He feels no more from the fear of losing me. 
 Perhaps he is nearer to me than ever ! Perhaps he sees me 
 continually, and, under God, guards and keeps me. Perhaps 
 he knows my very thoughts. The above reflections, though 
 under a perhaps, give me some help ; but could they be con- 
 firmed by reason, and above all by Scripture, they would yield 
 me much consolation. I will try if I can find this solid ground 
 for them. 
 
 It appears to me no way contrary to reason to believe that 
 the happy departed spirits see and know all they would wish, 
 and are divinely permitted to know. In this Mr. Wesley is of 
 the same mind, (from whose writings I shall borrow some of 
 iny ideas) and that they are concerned for the dear fellow 
 pilgrims whom they have left behind. I cannot but believe 
 they are ; and though death is the boundary we cannot see 
 through, they who have passed the gulf may probably see us. 
 Some small insects can see but a little way ; an apple would 
 appear to them a mountain, but we can see a thousand of them 
 at once, crawling on what we call a small spot of earth. When 
 an infant is born into this world, how many senses, till then 
 locked up, are on a sudden brought into action, and could the 
 child reflect, a variety of new ideas would be awakened by 
 which it would discern such a capacity of becoming useful and 
 comfortable to its mother, as it never before had any concep- 
 tion of ! It could have no communion with her but by one sense, 
 that of feeling ; but uow it is enabled both to see, hear, and to 
 make itself heard by her. There was an apparent separation 
 from the mother ; but in reality it has gained a more valuable 
 possession, which every dav increases its ability of entering
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 143 
 
 into her thoughts, and bearing a part in all her feelings. And 
 may we not suppose, if the use of sight and hearing, as well as 
 the powers of understanding, are so improved by our birth into 
 this lower world, that some powers analogous to the above are, 
 at least, equally opened on the entrance of a spirit into a hea- 
 venly state ; though perhaps small in the beginning, like the 
 anfant, compared with the measure that is to follow 1 
 
 Nor doth it seem contrary to reason to suppose a spirit in 
 glory can turn its eye with as much ease, and look on any 
 object below, as a mother can look through a window and see 
 the actions of her children in a court underneath it. If bodies 
 have a language by which they can convey their thoughts to 
 each other, though sometimes at a distance, have spirits no 
 language, think you, by which they can converse with our spi- 
 rits, and by impressions on the mind, speak to us as easily as 
 before they did by the tongue 1 And what can interrupt either 
 the presence, communion, or sight of a spirit 1 
 
 " Walls within walls no more its passage bar, 
 Thsa unopposing space of liquid air." 
 
 But may not our reasonable ideas be much strengthened by 
 Scripture ? Some encouragement on this head I have lately 
 drawn from the account of Elijah and Elisha, (though I do not 
 offer this as a proof, but rather as an illustration,) for as Elijah 
 was to enter glory without passing through death, it is probable 
 he was favoured before with a more than common intercourse 
 and communion with the world of spirits, as we see in the works 
 of Providence there is a gradual ascent ; and I the rather be- 
 lieve this from some passages in his story. Near the time of 
 his translation, it was revealed to the sons of the prophets, who 
 said to Elisha, Knowest thou that thy master shall be taken 
 from thy head to-day 1 But to Elijah himself perhaps it was 
 revealed long before, and it seems to me, he referred to this 
 when he was in the desert of Arabia, under the juniper tree, 
 1 Kings chap, xix, where he requested for himself that he 
 might die, saying, (to this effect,) " It ifr enough, Lord, I am 
 not better than my fathers." The prophets before me have 
 sealed thy truth with their blood, and why should I be exempt 
 from the common lot of man 1 I had rather die, and come to 
 thee now .' Why should i live uny longer? Thou hast enabled 
 me to maintain thy cause against the worshippers of Baal ; yet 
 my word hath little weight with them. " They have slain thy 
 prophets, and I only am left, and they seek my life to take it 
 away." Let them have it, for it is far better for me to depart 
 and to be with thee. However, quite resigned to the will of 
 God, he lays him down to sleep, till awaked by an angel of the 
 Lord, who bids him arise, and take the refreshment a watchful 
 Providence had provided for him. Here we have no account 
 of any alarming fear. He doth not. like Daniel, fall down as
 
 144 THE LIFE oi 1 IPAKT v, 
 
 one dead ; nor, like Zachariah and the shepherds, become sore 
 afraid ; but after a moderate repast, he lies down to sleep again, 
 and then receives a second visit from his bright messenger, for 
 aught we see, with the same steady calmness as before. From 
 which, I am led to suppose, he was accustomed to such com- 
 munications. 
 
 When his faith had gathered strength by his miraculous pre- 
 servation, forty days and nights without food, full of holy ex- 
 pectation he arrives at Horeb, waiting a farther manifestation 
 of the glory of God, as Moses, the giver of the law, had done 
 an this very place before him. Nor can we suppose this illus- 
 trious restorer of the law could be totally forgetful of that prayer, 
 " Lord, I beseech thee, show me thy glory !" The place would 
 remind him of the great discoveries made there. What inter- 
 course he might have with the Spirit of Moses, we know not ; 
 but it is certain they knew each other somo time after on Mount 
 Tabor. Waiting thus, like his great predecessor, for a time, 
 the glory of the Lord was displayed beic.-e him, and the ques- 
 tion put, " What dost thou here, Elijah I" In his answer to 
 which, he seems to intimate I have nothing to do here. Israel 
 has departed from thy ways, and why should I.abide on earth 
 any longer. Let me now come up. As a pledge his prayer is 
 heard, he is commanded to anoint Elisha to remain a prophet 
 in his room. And when the appointed time was come, walking 
 with Elisha, he seems desirous of being alone, (perhaps the 
 powers of darkness now made their last assault, endeavouring 
 to shake his faith with regard to the great event just ready to 
 take place,) and bids his friend again and again to tarry behind. 
 But Elisha, unwilling to lose any part of his blessing, answers, 
 " As the Lord liveth, and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave 
 thee." He then asks him, What shall I do for f.ee before I 
 am taken away 1 Elisha answers, " Let a double portion of thy 
 spirit be upon me." To which Elijah replies, "Thou hast 
 asked a hard thing." Now if a double portion of holiness was 
 all Elisha meant, it was an odd answer, for we know there are 
 no limits to that petition. We may ask as much of the nature 
 of God as we please, and he will do '* exceeding abundantly 
 above all we can ask or think." And no doubt Elijah knew 
 enough of the mind of God to know that. But might not he 
 mean, let me have the two portions of thy spirit, not only thy 
 communion with God, but let my intellectual sight be opened 
 as thine. Let me also discern the heavenly company where- 
 with we are surrounded, and commune with " the spirits of just 
 men made perfect," though as yet I only by faith behold the 
 Gospel day ] 
 
 This therefore did seem a hard thing ; for as Elisha was to 
 die like other men, the prophet might not know whether this 
 favour was to be granted to him or not ; and, therefore, as re-
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 145 
 
 ferring to the thing itself, he says, (as it were,) " If thou seeet 
 me when I am taken from thee," when the spiritual change hath 
 passed upon me, then it shall be so, and then thy inward sight 
 will be opened'. But if I become invisible to thee, as to the 
 sons of the prophets who stand afar off to gaze, it shall not be 
 so. It is not the will of God concerning thee. Bat the 
 "effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availed." Elisha 
 saw both him and his heavenly convoy, while the sons of the 
 prophets saw neither ; and, therefore, went on to the mountains 
 to seek Elijah. And that this supernatural sight remained with 
 Elisha, we have reason to believe ; for beiag in Dothan, and 
 surrounded with a great host come to take away his life, his 
 servant said to him, " Alas, master ! what shall we do ?" The 
 prophet at once answers, " They are more that be with us, than 
 they that be with them ;" and adds, " Lord, open the young 
 man's eyes, that he may see !" And "the Lord opened the 
 young man's eyes, nnd he saw, and behold, the mountain was 
 full of chariots and horses of fire round about Elisha." It is 
 remarkable this spirit which rested on Elisha was more con- 
 spicuous than that which rested on Elijah, perhaps to prevent 
 the thought, though the man who was to enter heaven alive, 
 was thus favoured, no other must expect it. Nay, but God, 
 who delights to confer his greatest favours on the weakest 
 objects, can confer on us all, that which he bestowed on Elijah 
 and Elisha. And, if under that dark dispensation, why not in 
 this Gospel day, concerning which it is foretold, " Your sons 
 and your daughters shall prophesy, your young men shall see 
 visions, and your old men shall dream dreams'!" 
 
 The Apostle tells us, "We are not come to mount Sinai," 
 whero Israel both saw the power and heard the voice of God ; 
 but to mount Zion, where we have communion "with the 
 general assembly of angels, the church of the first born, the 
 spirits of just men made perfect, with Jesus the mediator of the 
 new covenant ;" yea, and have access " to God, the judge of 
 till." And were we better acquainted with the privileges of 
 our dispensation, we should become, in a more full manner, 
 inheriters, with " the saints in light." But though it is allowed 
 we may have communion with angels, various are the objections 
 raised against the belief of our communion with that other part 
 of the heavenly family, the disembodied spirits of the just. 
 
 I shall consider these objections one by one. Lord, help me 
 in so doing ! Let me at least strive to comprehend something 
 of " the length, and breadth, and depth, and height, of the great 
 victory obtained for us over death ;" give me to see a little into 
 that truth, "We are brought from mount Sinai to mount Zion." 
 
 Objection the first. If a good spirit loves those "/Jiich it 
 loved before, and is acquainted with all Uieir proceedings, will 
 ,cot the sins and miseries of those they thus know and love, 
 I?
 
 J46 THE LIFE OP [PART V. 
 
 render them unhappy, or at least mar their happiness in some 
 degree 1 I answer, there are two kinds of love. If the persons 
 they loved continue sinners, there will doubtless be a separa- 
 tion of spirit, yet I believe a remembrance and a pity will 
 continue. It is said of the Almighty, that " it repented the 
 Lord he had made man," and that " it grieved him at the 
 heart ;" and again, that " he was grieved with their manners 
 in the wilderness forty years." Nevertheless his own immiu 
 table happiness was not interrupted thereby. Now as the 
 saints yet on earth are made partakers of the Divine nature, 
 and much more " the spirits of just men made perfect," so I 
 should imagine their happiness would, in that respect, remain 
 as immutable as that of the holy angels did, when so many of 
 their once dear companions they now daily behold as devils. 
 I cannot let it into my thoughts that ignorance makes up any 
 part of celestial glory, or that forgetfulness can be entered into 
 by their nearer approach to Him, " before whom all things are 
 open and manifest ;" and " in whom is no darkness at all." 
 
 But if an entire alienation of affection from the wicked 
 should be needful, that is no proof it is the same with the* right- 
 eous ; for if the sins of obstinate sinners would afflict them, the 
 growth of grace in the righteous would augment their joy ; and 
 our Lord himself tells us, " There is joy in heaven over one 
 sinner that repenteth." If you say, But this joy is only 
 among the angels ; I answer, Can we suppose those faithful 
 attendants on the heirs of salvation so carefully to conceal this 
 joy within their own bosoms, as to exclude the heavenly spirits 
 who stand in a much nearer relation to us ? Can we believe 
 they have not all their joys in common ] No, no ; in the church 
 of Jerusalem they proved that " great grace was upon them all," 
 by their community of goods. And shall our narrow hearts let 
 in the thought that they have not all their joys in common in 
 the church above] Yea, verily, "the general assembly of 
 angels, the church of the first born," and "the spirits of just 
 men made perfect," are but one innumerable company, con-' 
 cerning whom it may well be said, 
 
 "Lift your eyes of faith, and see 
 
 Saints and angels join'd in one '. 
 What a countless company 
 Stands before yon dazzling throne !" 
 
 If, then, there is joy throughout all the realms above, yea, 
 " more joy over one sinner that repenteth, than over the ninety 
 and nine which went not astray," how evident it is to an 
 impartial eye, that the state both of the one and the other must 
 be known there, together with the progress of each individual. 
 
 Objection the second. Is not a spirit divested of the body, 
 become of a quite different, nature from what it was before, so 
 as to be incapable of the same feelings 1 I answer, Certainly
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 147 
 
 no ; the spirit is the man. The spirit of my dear husband 
 loved and cared for me, and longed above every other desire 
 for my spiritual advancement. Now if it were the body, why 
 doth it not love me still'! You answer, Because it is dead. 
 That is to say, the spirit is gone from it ; therefore, that which 
 loved me is gone from it. And what is that but the spirit, 
 which actuated the body, as the clock-work does the hand 
 which tells the hour? It therefore appears quite clear to me, 
 that every right affection, sentiment, and feeling of mind, we 
 have been exercised in here, will remain in the spirit just the 
 same immediately after death. Nevertheless, as with the 
 righteous, heavenly light and love will daily grow stronger, and 
 with the wicked will be an increasing darkness, so there may 
 be, perhaps, in a few days, a much greater change on the 
 newly glorified spirit, than in the understanding of a child in 
 seven years. The point therefore to be considered is, Will not 
 a continuance and growth in the heavenly state erase those 
 affections and ideas so strongly impressed on the spirit at its 
 first entrance therein ? To which I reply, As spiritual union 
 arises from a communication of the love which flows from the 
 heart of Christ, I cannot but believe a nearer approach to its 
 centre, and a fuller measure of that divine principle, must 
 increase, and not diminish, the union between kindred souls ; 
 and that their change will consist, not in the loss, but in the 
 improvement of all that is good. 
 
 Whatever agrees with the nature of heaven cannot be 
 destroyed, but increased by their abode therein. Now are not 
 love and gratitude natives of heaven which dwell for ever 
 there ? If in our present state an abundance of grace is poured 
 out on the soul, what is the effect ? Doth it make us forgetfu^ 
 of kindnesses received 1 Doth it not rather raise the soul to 
 such a pitch of gratitude, that it is ready to see favours where 
 really there are none ? And shall not the same love, when per- 
 fected in heaven, have the same effect in a more perfect degree ? 
 The mistake lies here ; we forget that Christian love and union 
 below are the same in kind, though not in degree, with those 
 above ; and we might as well suppose when we enter into the 
 realms of light, that we shall plunge into darkness for want of 
 the natural sun, as to suppose that Christian love and union 
 must be destroyed by an abode in that kingdom, where the very 
 element we breathe shall be eternal love. Doubtless we shall 
 know, and gratefully acknowledge, the ministering spirits who 
 have served us here, and be sensible that gratitude is immortal, 
 and does not change its sentiments with its place. I think all 
 this is clear from those words of our Lo^d, " Make to yourselves 
 friends of the mammon of unrighteousness, that when ye fail 
 on earth, they," viz. those whom you have helped, " may receive 
 you into everlasting habitations."
 
 148 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 
 
 Objection the third. But are they not so taken up with admir- 
 ing Jesus, as to lose every other affection in him ? I answer, 
 That love of Jesus which fills the soul with the admiration of 
 liis graces, is a love begotten by that which reigns in the heart 
 of Christ himself; consequently it is of the same nature. But 
 is the love of Jesus a barren and inactive love ? Did it produce 
 in our Lord such an enjoyment of his own pure nature, or 
 such a shutting up in the glories and delights of the Trinity, as 
 to render him forgetful ot his creatures 1 Or did it bring him 
 down to " die for his enemies, and receive gifts for the rebel- 
 lious ?" When a powerful effusion of grace is poured out on 
 our souls, are we not then most willing and ready to help our 
 neighbour, and to cry out .with that good woman, Jane Muncy, 
 " Methinks I am all spirit ! I have no rest day or night but irv 
 gathering souls to God." Surely, then, we may with safety 
 believe, that a holy unembodied spirit feels the same effect 
 from a fuller effusion of the same love ; and that as soon as he 
 hears that word, " I will give thee many things to be faithful 
 over," he immediately enters more fully than ever into the joy 
 of his Lord, which is the joy of doing his creatures good. 
 
 Objection the fourth. But though it may be allowed that the 
 angels are ministering spirits to the saints, in honour of their 
 Lord, who hath taken our nature upon him, we do not know 
 but the spirits of just men made perfect, being of a higher order 
 by their near relation to their Head, may be exempt from that 
 servitude. I answer, To this objection may not those words 
 of our Lord be applied, "Ye know not what manner of spirit 
 ye are of?" "He that will be greatest, let him be servant,'* 
 saith Jesus Christ, who came himself " not to be ministered 
 unto, but to minister ; and if our Lord washed our feet," shatt 
 we be above the same employment ? Jesus our Master, though 
 in his glorified state, calls himself the " Shepherd of his sheep," 
 and walks with jealous care amidst his "candlesticks of g'old, 
 holding the stars in his right hand ;" and I can no more believe 
 the divinest spirit in glory above the service of mankind, than I 
 can believe there is pride in heaven. Abraham is represented 
 as receiving Lazarus to his bosom, and as giving a mild answer 
 even to a damned spirit ! And when souls at the foot of the 
 altar cried How long ? they were told " to wait till their fellow 
 servants came also." Did they not then remember their fellow 
 servants ? When the heart is full of grace, it delighte in the 
 meanest office, and feels pleasure in yielding happiness even to 
 an insect. We are sensible no part of our worship is more 
 pleasant in the sight of God than obedience, and no employ- 
 ment more delightful to the saints than that of promoting the 
 glory of God. Now the Lord hath said of his creatures, "I 
 have created thee for my glory ; I have formed thee for my 
 praise !" Shall not then the blessed spirits be very zealous in
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 149 
 
 promoting that glory ? The glory of God and our interest are 
 inseparably one. And are they not " one spirit with the Lord ?" 
 And is not their highest delight in that in which he most 
 delights, which is the salvation of his people * So that an 
 exemption from serving the church would rather create pain 
 than give satisfaction. 
 
 Again, the highest honour that can be conferred on a crea- 
 ture, is to have the nearest resemblance to its creating Head. 
 Now he hath said to the believer," I will dwell in you, I 
 will come and make my abode with you." The soul who hath 
 felt a small degree of pure love can answer this objection at 
 once from the feelings of his own heart ; the language of which 
 is, / love him continually, and therefore / will feed his lambs. 
 
 Objection the fifth. But as paradise is a place, as well as a 
 state, and finite beings are not omnipresent, any more than 
 omnipotent, how can they be there and here in the same mo- 
 ment ? I answer, I do not suppose they can. But if I were 
 to tell you of a minister who daily visited his flock, inquired 
 into all their concerns, and knew their whole situation, would 
 you say it was impossible, because he lives in that house, which 
 is his home, and he cannot be in two places at the same tune 1 
 And yet it is certain we are perfectly acquainted with the 
 situation of many, who do not live with us in the same house. 
 If we see them but once a week, our shallow capacities can 
 take in all they tell us of their past and present state. But if 
 instead of waiting for the slow and imperfect conveyance of 
 words, we could by a cast of the eye read every thought in a 
 moment, and without labour visit them as easily as the sun 
 shines in at their windows, (though it still remains in its proper 
 place,) our acquaintance would be much more perfect. We are 
 now in the body, and have senses and faculties suited thereto ; 
 therefore our human eye can at once measure the body of our 
 child, and discern every wound or bruise, or even a speck of 
 dirt thereon. And have not spirits faculties suited to spirits, 
 by which we may suppose they can as easily discern your soul, 
 as you could discern their body when they were hi the same 
 state as yourself? And may there not be a way by which a 
 spirit actually before the throne of God, may still see and serve 
 the souls committed to its care, supposing them to act as 
 ministering spirits 1 
 
 I ask, If you had never heard of a looking-glass, would you 
 understand me if I said, Though you stand at one end of that 
 long gallery, and I at the other, with my back toward you, 1 
 can discern your every action and motion, and know every 
 change! Aud yet such a knowledge the looking-glass would 
 convey to me. Now, if all things on earth are patterns or 
 shadows of those above, may not something analogous to the 
 g lass represent to the world of spirits aa just a picture of the 
 13*
 
 150 THE LIFE OF [PART T, 
 
 changes of posture in the spirit, as the glass does those of the 
 body 1 Some have supposed the appearance or representation 
 of every soul still in the body to be constantly seen in heaven. 
 That this may be without the knowledge of the person con- 
 cerned is evident; because Ananias knew nothing, till God 
 said to him, (speaking of Saul,) " Behold, he prayeth ; and 
 hath seen in a vision a man named Ananias coming in, and 
 putting his hand on him, that he might receive his sight." 
 Various dreams of pious persons, who have thought they saw 
 their appearances in paradise, over which the heavenly com- 
 pany mourned or rejoiced, as well as the amazing instances 
 of second sight, seem to strengthen this opinion. 
 
 If this seem strange, let us consider how strange it would 
 appear to us, if we had never heard of letters, to be informed 
 there was a method among many nations, of wrapping up their 
 thoughts in a bit of paper, and by that means conveying them 
 hundreds of miles into the bosom of their dearest friends ! As 
 little could you conceive of the faculty of speech had you never 
 known it ; or the commanding knowledge which the eye gives 
 you over a large space, and a number of persons in one moment, 
 had you been born blind. But though I mention these similes, 
 because some can only conceive of spiritual matters by gross 
 ideas, I believe our union to be far more close with the hea- 
 venly host than to need these representations. What else 
 doth those words of the Apostle mean, "We are come to the 
 general assembly, to the church of the first born, and to the 
 spirits of just men made perfect V And if " He maketh his 
 angels spirits, and his ministers a flame of fire," cannot a spirit 
 be with me in a moment, as easily as a stroke from an electrical 
 machine can convey the fire for many miles in one moment, 
 through thousands of bodies, if properly linked together ? That 
 the devils are about us and know our thoughts is evident. A 
 sinful thought is suggested ; we answer it by Scripture. Im- 
 mediately it is answered again. And shall not departed happy 
 spirits, who are so much more of one nature with us, have the 
 same power 1 Mr. Wesley has a beautiful observation in his 
 sermon on those words. " Are they not all ministering spirits 
 sent forth to minister for them who shah 1 be heirs of salvation V 
 He says, " That the guardian angels know our thoughts seems 
 clear from the nature of their charge, which is certainly first 
 for the soul, and but in a secondary sense for the body." 
 And are not our kindred spirits more nearly related to us than 
 the angels ] Why then should they not have the same discern- 
 ment? 
 
 But to return to our first question. Can they be here and 
 in paradise at the same time 1 Otherwise, how can they con- 
 stantly minister to us ? Perhaps we shall not be able to compre- 
 hend this till that word is accomplished, " Then shall we kupw
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 151 
 
 even as also we are known." But if this cannot be, then we must 
 give up all the agency of angels, for the same argument will 
 hold good against that. And yet our Lord hath said, " Despise 
 not these little ones, for I say unto you, in heaven their angels 
 do always behold the face of my Father who is in heaven." 
 
 Objection the sixth. But is it not said of the dead, "They 
 are gone into the land where all things are forgotten V And is 
 it not the design of the Almighty that our union should cease 
 with our life, and that death should divide us 1 As to the first 
 part of the objection, I allow there is in psalm eighty-eight an 
 expression which implies forgetfulness ; but I think it is spoken 
 of the body, which will remain in this state of forgetfulness, till 
 reanimated by the spirit. But what has that to do with the 
 soul ? We hear of the souls at the foot of the altar, who cried, 
 " How long, O Lord, till thou judge and avenge our blood on 
 those who dwell on the earth V And they were told "to rest 
 till their brethren and fellow servants should be slain as they 
 were." Here was a remembrance both of friends and enemies, 
 as also of the manner of their own death. Again, " the four 
 living creatures, and the twenty-four elders" in their song of 
 praise, have these words, " Thou art worthy, for thou wast slain, 
 and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood, out of every kin- 
 dred, and tongue, and people, and nation." They are also 
 emblematically represented as having "vials full of incense in 
 their hand, which arc the prayers of the saints :" wherewith 
 surely their desires (and consequently remembrance) are joined. 
 Abraham is called the father of the faithful, because of his stead- 
 fast belief of the promise concerning Isaac, and is set forth aa 
 an example to us. Can we believe him to have forgotten that 
 whole event ? Certainly the angel who called to Abraham, and 
 said, " Lay not thy hand on the lad," remembers it ; for we can- 
 not suppose him to have passed through any change of nature 
 since that time. 
 
 If you say it was the Angel of the covenant, yet doubtless 
 many of the heavenly host were witnesses to that great and 
 typical transaction : and must all the wisdom of God manifested 
 by the church, as the Apostle observes, and " made known, 
 thereby to the principalities and powers in heaven," must, I 
 say, all the prophecies, types, and revelations, as well as their 
 accomplishment, remain for ever the subject of admiration and 
 praise among the angels, and yet " the spirits of just men made 
 perfect," the subjects for whom, and'on whom, all was fulfilled, 
 must they only be locked up in forgetfulness ? Are they, with 
 ignorant amazement, to hear Gabriel repeat his conversation 
 with Zechariah ? Or does he in vain endeavour to stir up in 
 Mary a remembrance of the salutation she received from the 
 same bright messenger 1 Shall Moses and Elias only remem- 
 ber the scene on Mount Tabor, whilt Peter, James, and John
 
 152 THE LIFE or [PART v. 
 
 remember neither it nor them ? If you say, doubtless every 
 scene relating to the Saviour will be remembered, but we shall 
 not remember or know one another. I answer, The one can- 
 not subsist without the other. If Abraham remembers the type 
 in Isaac, with the exercise of his faith when "he hoped against 
 hope," he must remember Sarah, the removal of Hagar, with 
 every remarkable circumstance of Isaac's birth. Will it not 
 then be a great lessening of his praise and triumph, if he can- 
 not know whether Isaac and Sarah are with him in glory ? If 
 you carry it a little farther, and say, doubtless he knows they 
 are there ; then for what cause can he be forbid knowing and 
 conversing with them 1 Or, is this privilege only granted to 
 Moses and Elias, who, I again say, doubtless knew each other 
 on the holy mount as well as the disciples knew them. < 
 
 Can we suppose Adam to have a just conception of the incar- 
 nation and death of the Messiah, and yet to forget the circum- 
 stances of his own fall, which occasioned this gracious union ? 
 Must he not then remember Eve, and eternally rejoice to see 
 how the Seed of the woman has indeed bruised the serpent's 
 head ? The account of the rich man and Lazarus alone is 
 sufficient to answer every objection. They could see and know 
 each other, though one was in heaven and the other in hell, 
 consequently each could see all on earth. Abraham knew the 
 state and situation of both so as to say, Thou hast had thy 
 good things and Lazarus his evil things. And the rich man 
 could remember his Jive brethren. If you object and say this 
 was a parable, (which there is no room to assert,) would our 
 adorable Lord put forth a parable full of deceptions and wrong 
 ideas, suited to lead us into error rather than truth 1 I do not 
 wonder a poor Heathen should dream of a river of forgetfulness, 
 by drinking of which all former scenes were to be lost in 
 oblivion. But for a soul enlightened by revelation, to forget 
 that a day is coming in which every secret thing shall be 
 made known, is indeed a melancholy proof that darkness hath 
 covered the earth, and gross darkness the people. 
 
 The second part of the objection we will now consider. 
 Some have alleged, that though it is certain we shall remem- 
 ber and know one another, because without that remembrance 
 many subjects of praise would be lost in oblivion, nevertheless 
 will not all particular unions cease, and is it not the design of 
 God that death should divide? To answer this objection, I 
 must premise, that what is of God shall stand. I plead only 
 for that union which has God for its source ; and I think it 
 would not be hard to prove, that what God hath joined together, 
 death cannot put asunder. To that question, therefore, Is it 
 not the design of God that death should divide us ? I answer, 
 Division comes not from God, but from the devil. God, both 
 iu Ms nature and works, is perfect unity, and his original
 
 *ART v.] MRS. FLETCHER. 153 
 
 design for our first parents was not sorrow, consequently not 
 separation. If we suppose their friendship was not to have 
 been immortal, we must suppose pain to be in paradise ; for 
 Adam could not without pain inform Eve of such an awful 
 secret, that when they had praised God together for a certain 
 time, they must eternally forget each other ! That he should 
 no longer remember he was formed out of the dust, nor Eve 
 'her miraculous and near relation to him! Would not this 
 information have been a bitter draught even in paradise ? Or 
 suppose he had said, Though we shall have a bare remembrance 
 of each transaction, nevertheless that close union, that endear- 
 ing oneness of soul, of which the love of God is the foundation, 
 that very union hereafter the love of God is to dissolve. This 
 would indeed have been in itself exceeding bitter, and there- 
 fore never was the original design of love. It was sin that 
 brought in separation. It was owing to the hardness of our 
 heart, for in the beginning it was not so ; for God created one 
 man and one woman. Well may we, therefore, mourn for the 
 separation death occasions ; and our sorrow is countenanced by 
 Jesus himself, who wept over the ravage of this dreadful enemy, 
 when he saw the consequences of it in Martha's and Mary's 
 tears. I allow that it is true most unions on earth are dissolved 
 by death, because the friendships of the world are oft confedera- 
 cies of vice, or leagues of pleasure ; and few can add, 
 
 " OUTS hath severest virtue for its basis, 
 And such a friendship ends not but with life." 
 
 The Christian can say more ; it ends not even with life. In the 
 church below we are commanded to love our neighbour as 
 ourselves, and to consider our fellow Christians as members of 
 one body ; but does this obligation prevent particular unions ? 
 Let that soul be the judge who hath felt most of the love of 
 God and his neighbour. For otherwise, there is, indeed, a love 
 of propriety, or, in other words, self-love reflected, which purity 
 of heart will remove. But as similitude joins, and dissimilitude 
 separates, so those spirits who are joined by their similitude 
 of love and pure worship, who having been led in one path, 
 (and probably prepared for one mansion,) can as easily retain 
 a peculiar union without any diminution of their love to others, 
 as a married couple can retain their love to each other, not- 
 withstanding they have a dozen children to share it with them. 
 My experience in the love of God is very shallow ; yet I have 
 felt enough to satisfy me, that the more our love to God 
 increases, the nearer will be our love to each other, and the 
 more indissoluble the tie ; and the stronger this union, the 
 more it will reflect on all around ; and turning to its source, 
 the love of Jesus will reflect back again With a perpetual 
 increasing purity. 
 But I build my strongest argument on those words, O death.
 
 154 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 
 
 where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory ? If death 
 can eternally separate kindred spirits, it hath eternally a sting ! 
 And if the grave can eternally retain the body, it would have 
 an eternal victory. But there is a covenant made with ov 
 dust. His elect shall be gathered from the four winds. 
 Bone shall come to its bone, and not one forget its socket. 
 And shall nothing be lost but our spiritual union ? Shall the 
 grand enemy still have that one trophy left to glory in, and to* 
 insult over the saints of God ] Shall we believe him when he 
 says, "A day is coming in which your closest unions, your 
 purest ties of friendship, shall be no more ! All that wonderful 
 chain of providences, in which angels were employed in bring- 
 ing you together, shall be sunk in eternal oblivion ! Indeed 
 this was not the original design of the Almighty ; but I have 
 overturned this one great design of love, and that so effectually, 
 that the Saviour himself could not restore it ; and instead of 
 having abolished all the consequences of death, it leaves the 
 scar of separation for ever ! Now I am the father of death, 
 and have so far conquered, that what God hath in design eter- 
 nally joined together, I have eternally put asunder !" Ah, no ! 
 glory be to our victorious Conqueror ! death shall be for ever 
 swallowed up in complete victory ! He hath abolished it, 
 with all its consequences, and brought life and immortality 
 to light by the Gospel. He hath broken down the wall, 
 removed the veil ; and through him we are come to the church 
 of the first-born, to the spirits of just men made perfect. 
 We are fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household 
 of God ! And having overcome the sharpness of death, he 
 hath already opened the kingdom of heaven to all believers. 
 Perhaps some may say, But if it be thus, why do not the 
 Scriptures plainly tell us, death is no division but on our side ; 
 and that our friends still see, hear, and are about us? I 
 answer, There may be many reasons why a veil should be 
 drawn over this heavenly secret. It is probable the primitive 
 church knew it more perfectly ; but what was the consequence 1 
 When they left their first love, they no longer held the Head, 
 but ran into the false humility of the worship of angels, instead 
 of worshipping God only, and adoring him for the angelic 
 ministry. Perhaps some communion with departed spirits 
 caused the first step into the egregious errors of the Papists ; 
 and man, ever prone to extremes, knew not how to throw 
 away the abuse, without throwing away the use of this hea- 
 venly secret. Nevertheless, " The secret of the Lord is still 
 with the righteous, and his ear is open to their prayers. 
 He will manifest himself to them, though not unto the 
 world ;" and he will grant to heavenly minds, when he sees 
 good, a heavenly communication with the church triumphant. 
 About this time I had a letter from my brother-in-law, De la
 
 PART V.] MRS, FLETCHER. 155 
 
 Flechere, in Switzerland, letting me know that his son was 
 coming to England, and he wished him to spend some time 
 with me ; hoping the sight of the place on which his dear 
 uncle had spent so many years' labour, might, with the bless- 
 ing of God, raise some thoughts in his mind of the importance 
 of a rehgipus life. I laid the matter before the Lord, believino- 
 he would order all right ; for ever since the removal of my 
 oeloved husband, I have so experienced the effects of his last 
 prayer, "Head of the church, be head to my wife," that I'was 
 not permitted to doubt that all concerning me was under the 
 Lord's immediate direction. And though my state was not for 
 the present joyous, yet, through all, I inwardly believed the 
 hairs of my head were numbered. Some particular circum- 
 stances, however, caused me to think it was the order of God 
 I should go to Bristol, Bath, and some other places, and that 
 now was the time ; for after my return, it might be that the 
 Lord had something for me to do or to suffer here. 
 
 Since my marriage I had travelled a good deal with my dear 
 Mr. Fletcher, and in these journeys had often suffered much 
 through needless fears ; the most predominant passion of my 
 soul by nature. And what, thought I, should such a poor 
 creature as J do with only Sally, and under some disadvantages 
 I had not then 1 But still I believed it to be the call of God. ; 
 At the time I had appointed to set out, there was an appear- 
 ance of much snow, which caused my friends to advise me to 
 put off my journey a little longer ; but as this would have 
 deranged some plans, I thought it better to follow the course 
 which I had fixed. When all was ready, and I was waiting 
 for the carriage, I cast my eyes on the Bible which lay open 
 before me, at the thirty-fourth psalm. Much of it was applied 
 to my heart ; in particular these words : O magnify the Lord 
 with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the 
 //ord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. 
 * aith sprung up in -my heart. I said. It shall be fulfilled ; and 
 ,rom that hour I have felt such a change, in regard to fear, as 
 I can give no one an idea of, unless they should have suffered 
 as I have done, from the same infirmity. 
 
 All the way as I went through various things, which would 
 once have been very painful, I could feel those words my own, 
 which for so many years I had longed after, viz. that " Resig- 
 nation left me no room for fear." No ; " The angel of the 
 Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and deliver- 
 eth them." 
 
 Many providences I met with in my journey, and very clearly 
 did I see the hand of the Lord in various places and things. 
 While I was at Bristol, in the house of my kind and affection- 
 ate friend, sister Johnson, I was agreeably surprised with the 
 sight of Mr. H***, who had left his native place, 'and was just
 
 156 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 
 
 come to settle at Bristol, because he believed it most profitable 
 for his soul. He presented me to his wife, a serious woman, 
 saying, My dear, this is your mother also, for she is mine ; 
 and both assured me of their determination to be entirely 
 devoted to God. As there was something singular in this 
 affair, I wfll mention the particulars. In the journey which I 
 took with sister Ryan to Clifton, for her health, when I was 
 about the age of twenty-seven, we lodged in a house where the 
 tamily were very ungodly. There was only my sick friend, 
 myself, and the nurse ; and our whole apartments consisted of 
 two chambers. After we had been there two or three days, 
 we observed some things which we did not like very well. 
 One night there was a strange noise below stairs, as of very 
 rattling, wild company. It may be supposed it did not well 
 agree with my sorrowful heart ; for at that season I had nothing 
 to expect (humanly speaking) but to bury my dear friend there, 
 or carry her back in a coffin, only she had various promises 
 to the contrary, which sometimes I believed, and sometimes 
 doubted. On inquiring next morning, they informed us that 
 " Mr. H*** was come, and now they should be all alive." I 
 had before asked the family (who did not appear to be persons 
 of the best character) if they would choose to come up into my 
 room in the morning to family prayer, as they were only women ? 
 But they never, as I remember, accepted the invitation. How- 
 ever, some days after the above mentioned racket, they sent 
 me word, "If I pleased, Mr. H*** and themselves would wait 
 on me to prayer the next morning." I did not dare to refuse, 
 and answered, they were welcome. God only knew what a 
 cross I felt in so doing ! I had all the reason that could be, to 
 think they only wanted to divert themselves ; and the receiving 
 a wild young gentleman, with such gay ladies, into my bed- 
 chamber, seemed to me a strange enterprise. The chapter 1 
 chose to read was the twenty-fifth of Matthew. I spoke with 
 freedom on each of the parables, and found God was with my 
 mouth. I did not much look off the book, till about the middle 
 of the parable of the talents, I cast my eyes toward Mr. H***, 
 and was surprised to find his earnestly fixed on me, and swim- 
 ming with tears. When prayer was over, he respectfully 
 returned me thanks, and went down stairs. After attending 
 three mornings, he stopped behind the family, and told me, 
 when they were gone, that he was convinced he had led a bad 
 Jife, and he wished to learn how to do better ; that he was 
 free from all business, had a good fortune, and \yas only here 
 accidentally ; and if I would tell ' him where he could get 
 instruction, and help for his soul, he would go -any where ; 
 " for this house," said he, " I must leave." From the first 
 morning there was no more noise, singing, breaking glasses, or 
 rude behaviour of any kind. As my friend grew worse, we
 
 TART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 157 
 
 were desired to leave Clifton, and try Bath. There she 
 recovered to admiration ; and in a short time we returned to 
 the orphan house at Laytonstone. Mr. H*** made good his 
 words ; and cultivating the friendship of some pious persons 
 whom we had recommended to him in London, particularly 
 brother George Clark, he became much confirmed in the truth ; 
 and hath ever since remained a follower thereof, and a promoter 
 of the prosperity of Zion. At Bristol also I met with poor 
 Fanny,* much grown in grace, and adorning her profession. 
 And after a month's absence, I was brought again in peace to 
 Madeley, and constrained to say 
 
 " In all my ways his hand I own ; 
 His ruling providence I see." 
 
 I now found my dear love's relations in Switzerland laid 
 greatly on my mind in prayer ; and sometimes when engaged 
 therein, it has seemed to me as if his dear spirit so joined with 
 me, as I cannot express ; and for his nephew in particular, 
 whom I expected, I was greatly drawn out in intercession. 
 
 Being poorly one Saturday night, about ten o'clock, (the last 
 week in May,) I was about retiring to bed, when word was 
 brought me that my nephew was arrived. He could speak but 
 little English, and I but little French. This was the first I 
 had seen of my dear husband's relations. He was of his own 
 name, his godson, and his only nephew. But, alas ! I now 
 received him alone, and instead of showing him his dear uncle, 
 and sweet instructor, I could only lead him to the silent tomb, 
 and say, " Live as he lived, and thou shalt die as he died." 
 
 I found him, as I expected, quite carnal, and very averse to 
 the things of God. As my spirits were very weak, and his 
 pretty high, I wished to have him rather as a visiter than one 
 of my family ; and Providence so appointed for me. Mr. Home, 
 the curate, understanding French, kindly offered to receive him 
 into his house, until he was more perfect in the English lan- 
 guage. I soon discovered he was of a sweet temper, a fine 
 understanding, and outwardly very moral ; but withal a strong 
 Deist ; and as he delighted much in philosophy, he placed such 
 confidence therein, as to believe he could set us all right, if he 
 might have but five hours' dispute with us. 
 
 I inquired of the Lord concerning the method I should use 
 toward him ; and saw, for the present, I was only called to 
 shcrtv him condescension and love to consider myself as his 
 servant in Christ, and therefore to stand always ready to take 
 up my cross, and in every thing innocent to do his will rather 
 than my own. And as I could not say much to him in words, 
 I must the more endeavour to show him, by the example of 
 
 * The Jewess mentioned in the farmer visit 
 14
 
 158 THE LIFE or [PART v. 
 
 myself and family, that religion justly bears the character given 
 Jier in those words : 
 
 " Mild, sweet, serene and tender is her mode, 
 
 Nor grave with sternness, nor with lightness free: 
 Against example resolutely good ; 
 Fervent in zeal and warm in charity." 
 
 It appeared to me as if those four lines were given me as a 
 direction which I must ever keep before my eyes. And much 
 did I plead with the Lord, that nothing he saw in me, or mine, 
 might tend to set him farther off from God. When we could 
 converse in English with tolerable ease, I perceived he had not 
 only imbibed many wrong sentiments, but had such a stock of 
 Pharisaical righteousness as I scarcely ever met with before. 
 
 One day, as he was talking in his free way, about the truths 
 of the Gospel, a friend said, " If your aunt hears you talk at this 
 rate she will be much grieved." He replied, " But I will not 
 say these things to her ; though should my aunt talk much to 
 me about religion, I fear I shall not keep my temper : for my 
 uncle drove many people mad when he was abroad. I do 
 believe there were three hundred who were quite mad ! They 
 talked of being filled with love, and kept praying and running 
 together, not only while he was there, but since that time also." 
 
 Hearing of this, I said, " Tell him I will promise to keep my 
 temper whether he does or not, for my love to him has a better 
 foundation than he can shake." In order to improve in the 
 English language, he proposed to read to me some hours in a 
 day ; and I was to choose the books. Mr. Wesley was so 
 kind as to send him Beatty's Evidences of the Christian 
 Religion, which he read with some pleasure : but as yet his 
 heart remained untouched. 
 
 I was very conscious I had none of that wisdom which in 
 cases of this kind is often very useful ; and where it is joined 
 with divine unction, does beautifully illustrate the truths it 
 endeavours to defend. But that word was remembered with 
 pleasure, "I will choose the foolish things of the world to con- 
 found the wisdom of the wise." And again, "My strength 
 shall be made perfect in weakness." 
 
 Well, thought I, if I have no philosophical arguments to 
 bring, I will so much the more cry to the strong for strength. 
 I cannot do with the armour I have not proved : but the stone 
 of conviction, and the sling of faith, is that which I must 
 depend on ; and when these are directed by the Spirit of God, 
 nothing can stand against them. 
 
 Many of the Protestants in Switzerland are Deists ; they are 
 nevertheless very strict in bringing the young people to the 
 communion ; and they esteem it a reproach to do otherwise. 
 My nephew expressed a desire of joining with us in that mean 
 of grace ; for having been from home some years at the uni-
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 
 
 versity, he had not yet been brought to the table. Mr. Home 
 told him freely his scruples in receiving him as a communi- 
 cant ; but after much conversation, he perceived a degree o 
 conviction, and a desire to know the truth, and consented to 
 admit him. .. 
 
 The first time he came to the table, as he was kneeling 
 beside me, and Mr. Home was speaking those words, "The 
 blood of the Lord Jesus Christ which was shed for thee 
 found such a power of prayer spring up in my heart, it seemed 
 as if I claimed a ray of the divinity just then to penetrate his 
 soul. He hath since told me, he felt something very particular 
 at that moment. My greatest difficulty, however, lay here, he 
 did not believe the Scriptures. I was therefore cut off from 
 drawinor any arguments from them, and could only hold to this, 
 the necessity of a change, in order to be capable of enjoying 
 the Supreme Being. 
 
 I observed to him, You believe heaven to be a state, and a 
 place of holiness, and the happiness there to be separate from 
 all sin ; is there not then an absolute need of having a dispo- 
 sition suited thereto? This he readily allowed; but added, 
 " Then I will make myself this new creature. The buprenn 
 Beino- hath not left his work imperfect. He hath given me 
 powers sufficient, if I do but use them ; and if I am to do a 
 by this grace of God, as you say, then what has God to thank 
 me for ?" I endeavoured to convince him of our utter helpless- 
 ness, except through that assistance which we draw from union 
 with God through the Saviour, without whom we cannot do any 
 thing. He replied, " Indeed, aunt, that is not my case. -1 do 
 not know how it may be with others, but for me, I do assure 
 you, there is no snare I cannot avoid, nor any passion 1 cannot 
 
 As he abhorred the doctrine of the fall as much as that of the 
 divinity of our Lord, I did not speak often on those heads. I 
 Boucrht rather to convince him he was fallen, whether through 
 Adam, or any other way, and that he was a sinner and unfit for 
 heaven: and narrowly did I watch for every opportunity o 
 pointing out any disposition that would help to prove my argu- 
 ment, though it was very difficult to bring him to a conscious- 
 ness of any. At last I observed he had an abhorrence of the 
 sin of envy, and a sensibility of having felt it. I then, on every 
 proper occasion, enlarged on the happiness of the blest, as con- 
 sisting in love, the very contrary to selfishness, which was the 
 principle from which envy took its life ; and therefore he must 
 become a new creature to enter into that state. This he now 
 began to see, and sometimes to feel ; but all my hopes appear- 
 ed to be overturned at once, by a circumstance which occurrei 
 He had fixed his affections on a lady, from whom about tl 
 time he thought he received some encouragement. Elated
 
 160 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 
 
 with joy, he was carried out of himself! Thc?e was nothing 
 left for me to take hold of. He had no ear tc ,iear but on one 
 subject. I returned to a silent waiting before uhe Lord. 
 
 One night about the beginning of November, I dreamed I 
 was in a church, standing by a communion table, on which lay 
 a large Common Prayer Book, open in the service of matri- 
 mony. I observed it was all marked, as my dear husband used 
 to mark those books he much approved. I beheld it with plea- 
 sure, for being near the 12th of November, I took it as a token 
 that he remembered with approbation the transaction of that 
 day, our marriage. I was conscious of the presence of hifi 
 dear spirit, as sent to communicate something to me. As I 
 looked on the book, he signified to me the whole was emble- 
 matic, though few entered into the spirituality of it : adding, 
 " This is a great mystery : I speak concerning Christ and the 
 church." As I cast my eyes on that word, " Who giveth this 
 woman to this man V he pointed me to that text, " None 
 cometh to the Son but whom the Father draweth." As nothing 
 was spoken in words, it is difficult to describe the ideas which 
 were conveyed to my mind. A gleam of light seemed to break 
 forth in my soul, by which I discovered in how full a sense the 
 souls of the redeemed are given by the Father to the Son, as 
 his bride ! I then thought on those words, " The marriage of 
 the Lamb is come, and nis wife hath made herself ready." In 
 this acceptable moment, my nephew came to my mind. I said 
 with a groan, O for our nephew ! Immediately I saw a little 
 bird fly round and round. I said, That is the emblem of rny 
 nephew's spirit. If it come to me and I take it up, his soul 
 will be given unto me. I had no sooner spoke the word, but it 
 came and alighted on the table before me. I took it up, stroked 
 it, and let it fly again. A thought then struck my mind, O, 
 but he does not believe the Scriptures ! The bird came, and 1 
 took it up the second time. As it flew again, I thought, O, 
 but he does not believe in the divinity of our Lord ! Imme- 
 diately it returned, and I took it up a third time. I no more 
 saw it flying, but a beautiful large bird stood with great solem- 
 nity before me, and I awoke. 
 
 As I was in prayer a little time after the above dream, these 
 words bore on my mind, "He setteth the solitary in families, 
 and maketh them households as a flock of sheep." Also, 
 "Thy sons shall come from far; 'and thy daughters shall be 
 unrsed at thy side." It was on the Monday night I had the 
 dream here related ; and on the following Friday, my nephew- 
 received a flat denial from the before-mentioned lady. Here 
 all his philosophy and boasted reason failed. He was as one 
 driven to desperation. The next night he told me all his heart, 
 saying, " O aunt ! if you could see into ray breast, you would 
 see how troubled I am for the pain I have caused you. But
 
 V.J MR g. FLETCHER. 181 
 
 now I see you are in the right No ! we cannot do without the 
 help of God. I thought I could conquer every passion, but 
 now I find they are taller and bigger than I." After telling me 
 now many trials and disappointments he had met with in life, 
 he added, " Do, dear aunt, pray with me." I did so, he weep- 
 ing all the time with groans. When we rose from our knees, 
 he said, "Ah! I am in the wrong, I thought all religion stood 
 m the abhorrence of outward evil ! but now I see there is some- 
 thing more." I told him my dream ; when I carne to that part 
 of it relating to himself, he was much moved, and said, "O, 
 aunt, if it depend on me, it shall be accomplished, indeed it 
 shall. 
 
 The next morning, he told me, that after we had parted the 
 last night, as he was striving to pray, he found all his troubles 
 gone, and felt for a few moments such a tranquillity as he had 
 never known before. Bui: his trouble, as well as his reluctance 
 to believe, returned again : yet with this difference, he had 
 now a consciousness that he was wrong, and expressed a great 
 desire to know and embrace the truth. 
 
 From some concurring circumstances, I believed it to be the 
 order of God to invite him to live with me the remainder of the 
 ..ime he had to stay in England ; but remembering what a friend 
 had said, "I cannot converse with him any more ; he tears 
 open all the wounds of unbelief;"! said, " Lord, shall it be 
 so with me ?" and was answered by the application of that word 
 to my mind, " I will not send you a warfare at your own 
 charges." And glory be to my adorable Lord, so it proved : 
 tor all he could say served but to light up a fresh candle in my 
 soul! Every time I read the Scriptures, a new lustre shone on 
 every part, and the divine evidence rose higher and higher in 
 my heart. I could now observe he heard with deep attention 
 and one day he said to me, "Aunt, it is not now that I will not 
 believe, but that I cannot ; for when you read the chapter night 
 and morning, and tell your thoughts upon it, it seems unanswer- 
 able. Jiut then something comes some thoughts, I do not 
 seek them, but they come and throw me all back aouin. 
 
 His state was now very uncomfortable. Sometimes he was 
 just ready to receive the Scriptures as truth : then a variety of 
 objections would start up in his mind, and cause him to cry out 
 How can these things be 1" If we cannot be saved without 
 believing that Jesus is God, why did he live and die in such 
 obscurity ? Would not a merciful Being have rendered every 
 thing quite clear that he required his creatures to believe, upon 
 pain of their salvation ?* He added many arguments frequently 
 used by Deists, such as, "How clearly doth the whole crea- 
 
 + The God of infinite mercy, justice, and truth, has madt all dear The 
 nces or hu being are not stronger than the nidentet of the relieion he ha* 
 t&uefli bo 
 
 bo, 
 
 14*
 
 162 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 
 
 tion prove a Supreme Creator ! The day and night, the sun and 
 moon, and all creatures ! We cannot help believing they have 
 a Maker. Why is not the divinity of Jesus Christ made as 
 easy to be believed as these things ?" I replied, the belief of 
 those things you have mentioned, are by the outward senses ; 
 but religion is an inward principle, which God must open in 
 our souls, and which changes every power and passion thereof. 
 If all you are to believe could be comprehended by the outward 
 senses, the greatest sinners might be as good believers as the 
 most holy persons. But the sense which God opens in the 
 soul, and which we call faith, makes you acquainted with 
 spiritual things, and capable of communion with God. He 
 then answered in haste, " God hath never opened such a 
 sense in my soul, and of course he will not condemn me for 
 not using a power he hath not given." True (said I) it is not 
 opened in you ; but it is because you shut your eyes and heart 
 against it. Your state is exactly descried in the word of God. 
 whether you will believe it or no. This came Jesus whom you 
 have despised, was "to the Jews a stumblujg block, and to the 
 wise Greeks foolishness, but to us who believe," we feel him to 
 be "the wisdom of God, and the power of God." 
 
 It was a precious time to my own soul ; I had such a sweet 
 view of the whole plan of redemption ! A ray of light shone 
 upon the amazing wisdom, as well as love, contained therein, 
 and filled my heart with a sweet liberty, while I was attempt- 
 ing to lay before him the hidden glories of the adorable Jesus, 
 when he appeared without form or comeliness, and by his deep 
 humiliation marked out all our way ! How well suited this plan 
 of salvation was to break down the high aspiring thoughts ot 
 man, and to bring him into that absolute dependence, and per- 
 fect submission, which make the joys of heaven ! I observed 
 also, that a far greater salvation was wrought out for us, and a 
 far greater glory would redound to God, by this wonderful act 
 of free grace, than could have been if we had never needed 
 such a Saviour. 
 
 I now daily discerned some advances he gave back more 
 and more ; and the word of God began to be more honourable 
 in his eyes. But yet he would say, "Every man hath the right 
 of private judgment. Can I not be saved without believing on 
 Jesus Clirist 1 If I address my prayers to the Supreme Being, 
 and strive to obey him, why should I be condemned for not 
 believing what I cannot understand 1" To this 1 answered, 
 "God so loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son. 
 that all who believe on him should not perish, but have ever 
 lasting life." Now. said I, there is the condition : "If you be 
 lieve on him %vhom the Father hath given." He seemed in * 
 struggle to believe, and said with vehemence, " But I cannot 
 believe God would become a man, and die for me. I am not
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 163 
 
 worthy of it. The thought is absurd ! Why, aunt, if I were 
 condemned to death, do you believe the king of England would 
 die to save my life !" No, said I, I believe he would not. "Now 
 there is the thing," replied he, " you start at the thought of 
 the king dying for me ; and yet you want me to believe that 
 God hath died in my place!"* 
 
 I observed the different relation he stood in to God. The 
 king (said I) did not create you ; you are not his offspring ; 
 neither can the love of a finite being bear any comparison with 
 that pure unmixed love which dwells in the heart of God. The 
 king did not voluntarily take all your condemnation on himself. 
 But the Almighty Saviour has done so. He acts by us as if 
 some great potentate should receive into his favour a poor beg- 
 gar make her his spouse take all her debts on himself 
 give her a right to his treasures a part in his throne and a 
 share in all his titles. " Thus God so loved the world, that he 
 gave his only-begotten Son, that whosoever belie veth on him," 
 should by virtue of that union inherit all things ! Here is the 
 condition ; but you will not comply therewith. Only suppose 
 for one moment, that the king had died to save your life ; but 
 that when you was informed of his unparalleled love, you 
 would give no credit thereto, even though one should say to 
 you, Only look through this glass in my hand : I hold it to 
 your eye ; only look through it, and you will see him hang 
 bleeding there ! But you turn away your face with contempt, 
 and will not so much as look on him who bleeds for you ! 
 Would you not in that case be a monster of ingratitude ? Now 
 this word of God, this book, is the glass ; if with simplicity and 
 prayer you look into it, you shall there discern that Supreme 
 Being, (whom unknown you worship) and that " He was in 
 Christ reconciling the world to himself: and that there is no 
 other name given under heaven whereby you can be saved." 
 
 One afternoon as he was reading to me, I pointed him to the 
 experience of brother Story, believing it was suited to his pre- 
 sent state. But contrary to all I had for a long time seen in 
 him, he appeared quite hard, and cavilled at almost every sen- 
 tence. I answered his objections for a long time, till I was 
 quite spent. Then looking solemnly at him, with tears in my 
 eyes, I put out my hand to take the book. He was moved, and 
 said tenderly, " What, aunt ! What ! No ! I will read any 
 thing, any thing you give me ! You think me in a bad spirit, 
 aunt!" I replied, Why, my dear, I do not think you are in a 
 very good one. That book does not suit you to night. He 
 then read on, till he came to a part very applicable to his pre- 
 sent feelings. He dropped the book at once, and remained 
 silent. After a time I asked him what was the matter? H 
 
 * What a genuine instance of carnal reasoning ! ED.
 
 164 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 
 
 replied " I know not what is the matter ! I feel a horrible sen- 
 sation ! O what do I ail ! How have I been speaking to you ! 
 Dear aunt, the more kind you are, the more ungrateful I am. 
 What is the matter with me ) I am worse and worse !" I strove 
 to comfort him; saying, It is well; the Lord is beginning to 
 show you your heart. "Ah," replied he, "you say very well, 
 but I say very ill ; for I am worse than before I came to Eng- 
 land. O, I am ashamed to think how I spent my life ! I thought 
 I had done all things for the glory of God. But now I see I 
 have done all for myself, and to please myself only." After 
 some time of silence, he said, "I will now tell you what I have 
 been doing. All this week I have strove to address my pray- 
 ere to Jesus Christ, as you advised me, but, alas ! I am more 
 dull and cold in them than I ever felt before ! O, if he is God, 
 why doth he not help me ! You said, aunt, he would answer 
 for himself!" Then in an agony, he added, "Why does he 
 not answer ? Why does he not answer ?" While I was mak- 
 ing a few observations on the long time the Lord had waited 
 for him, &c, Mr. Home came in to meet the men's class, to 
 which he was that night to go up for the first time. When he 
 came down, he said his mind was more composed, and he 
 wished he had frequented that meeting before. 
 
 After supper, being alone, we renewed our conversation, and 
 I repeatedly assured him the Lord would shine upon him if he 
 would only persevere. His cry was still, "Why does he not 
 answer ]" It being late, we parted. I then went again to the 
 throne of grace, to pour out my complaint before the Lord. I 
 saw we were come to a point, and could go no farther without 
 his immediate help. I had staked all on the faithfulness of my 
 God, and had declared the answer would come : and now there 
 was nothing more for me to do, but to obtain it of the Almighty. 
 Sometimes I felt all faith and hope ; at others, as if cold water 
 was thrown over the fire of expectation. Satan was not idle. 
 He suggested, You will find him to-morrow as you left him to 
 Bight. I pleaded with the Lord, that it was no new thing I 
 asked. He had shown his approval of sacrifices by fire from 
 heaven ; he had wrought for his people ; he had given signs 
 and wonders ! " His arm was not shortened," and I besought 
 him to appear in such a manner for this young man, as should 
 convince him of the truth. Sometimes I felt all discourage- 
 ment, but I did not mind that : I knew from whence ii came. 
 I said, Lord ! thy word stands always sure ; it is not my feel- 
 ings, but thy faithfulness, that I depend on. Lord, thou hast 
 said, " Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, I will 
 do it." I ask this in thy name ! I leave it in thy hand, assured 
 of the answer. The next morning he went out early. On his 
 return at night, he said, " Aunt, I have a great deal to tell you. 
 After we parted last night, 1 thought I would pray ; but that it
 
 PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 165 
 
 was right to consider what 1 wanted most. Then I thought, 
 why I want most light on thid point, about Jesus Christ. But 
 will God so condescend as to answer me ? Then, aunt, I heard 
 a voice (not with my ear, but I did hear it,) say, Yes, he will. 
 Then I began and made prayer ; and an hour went away like 
 a minute, and I could say, Through the Lord Jesus Christ! 
 O dear aunt, I thought I must have come up and told vou, but 
 you were gone to bed. And again I thought, may be "to-mor- 
 row God will confirm this. And so he has, for when I was at 
 Waters Upton, Mr. G. H. began to make pleasantry of the 
 miracles of Jesus Christ. I said in myself, yesterday I could 
 have smiled at this, and heard it with pleasure ; but now it was 
 a horrible sensation, I could not bear it. I was forced to go 
 out of the house. Was not that a sign, aunt, that there is some 
 change in me 1" 
 
 Soon after, he had a particular dream. He thought he was 
 in Switzerland, and attempting to converse with one of his old 
 acquaintances on the things of God ; but was much surprised 
 to find he could only speak in English. Afterward, as he stood 
 at a window with his father, he saw eight full moons all at 
 once, and said in his mind, it means eight months. A beauti- 
 ful city then rose up before his eyes, and as he looked thereon, 
 he beheld a lovely appearance, and thought, Is that St. Joha ?- 
 He looked, till dazzled with the beams of glory which sur- 
 rounded the face, as it passed over the city, he cried out, See ! 
 father, see! The Lord Jesus ! The Lord Jesus ! and so awoke. 
 This dream seemed to make a deep impression on him, though 
 he attempted no explanation. About a week after this, com- 
 ing home one night late, from visiting a sick neighbour, on my 
 inquiring after his state, he answered, "Aunt, I have not found 
 the evening long, for 1 have been in deep recollection almost 
 all the time you have been gone. And now I can say, 'Faith 
 is the evidence of things unseen,' for if I had seen my Lord, I 
 could not be more assured than I am." From this time the 
 change has been more and more evident. He attends all the 
 meetings with me, and our dear friends are not a little delight- 
 ed to hear the nephew and godson of their beloved minister, 
 telling, in his broken English, that his eyes, which had long 
 been accustomed to see darkness, do now behold the light of 
 the Lord. 
 
 Some time after, writing to a friend, he uses these words, 
 " I have altogether left Mr. Home's house, though fully satis- 
 fied with all there ; but it would have been very disagreeable 
 to me to have been forced to ride daily, and at night, over one 
 of the worst roada in the kingdom. I have now for three 
 months enjoyed the happiness of living with my aunt, and I 
 feel more and more the immense obligation which I owe to her, 
 not only for all the temporal care she hath taken for me, but
 
 166 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 much more for the blessing of my soul. Yes, she hath shown 
 me clearly, that the knowledge of mathematics, and a vain 
 philosophy, are not sufficient to procure us true happiness ; but 
 the knowledge of Him only who giveth wisdom liberally to 
 those who ask it. She hath taught me to distinguish the things 
 which are situated within the reach of our understanding, from 
 those which are beyond it : for I must own that the idea which 
 I had before of the strength of my understanding, and the ex- 
 tent of my knowledge, was so false, that I thought nothing to 
 be out of my sphere. But now, blessed be God ! not only 1 
 feel that it is not permitted to men to scrutinize with profane 
 looks the mysteries of religion, but I believe them with a holy 
 respect ; and far from being ashamed to acknowledge Jesus for 
 my Saviour, I set my glory in it, and that persuasion makes 
 me happy!" 
 
 He is indeed a new creature, and his conscience appears to 
 be so tender, and his convictions of the need of a farther change 
 so strong, that I am sunk in amazement and wonder ! O what 
 a prayer hearing God have we to do with! "Ask, and you 
 shall receive," is more than ever written on my heart! On 
 the first of January, he was much blest, and told me he had 
 found such a power to renew his covenant with the Lord as he 
 had never done before. He broke out in prayer with such sim- 
 plicity as delighted the whole congregation ! In a few months 
 he must leave me and return to Switzerland I trust in the 
 power of the Lord, to be a messenger of glad tidings to the 
 dear family of his precious uncle. O, my God! what hast 
 thou done for thy poor worm in the day of her adversity ! 
 "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless 
 his holy name!" 
 
 PART THE SIXTH. 
 
 HER RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE AT MADELEY. 
 
 December 3, 1786. 
 
 LAST night I had a peculiar sense of that truth, " Thy maker 
 ia thy husband !" I saw great depth in that declaration. The 
 thought of belonging only to Jesus was precious ! These wordB 
 were powerfully on my mind, 
 
 " Be bold in Jesus to confide, 
 
 His creature, and his spotless bride ! 
 
 Thy husband's [lower and goodness prov 
 The Holy One of Israel he ! 
 The Lord cf hosts hath chosen tliee, 
 
 ID faith, and holiness, and love I"
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 167 
 
 I saw and felt all things are possible to perserving faith ; but 
 in the midst of this exercise my old temptation presented, 
 Thou art not in joy! And some say, "No more holiness 
 than joy." It was as cold water cast on a fire. My feeble 
 sore spirit trembled under the suggestion, and sorrow's waves 
 around me rolled ! I said, true, I have not joy ! Again it came 
 to my mind, others believe because an overflowing power con- 
 strains them so to do ; but I believe, as it were, because I will 
 believe.* Yet I thought, is not that the way of faith ? Ought 
 1 not to hang on Jesus in the midst of the fire ? What is "the 
 abiding in the secret place of the Most High?" Is it not tak- 
 ing shelter in Jesus, and keeping fixed there, whatever storms 
 may surround ? I cried to the Lord, and sometimes the faith 
 of Abraham was set before me. These words of our Lord were 
 also applied. " Blessed are they who have not seen, and yet 
 have believed." But still the weight hung over my soul. At 
 night I went to bed oppressed, yet struggling to maintain that 
 faith which "staggers not at the promise," but gives glory to 
 God by believing. 
 
 I dreamed I was in a room with Sally, and saw a picture, or 
 rather the ground work for a picture, on which was only paint- 
 ed one small sheep lying down ; the rest was all plain. I said 
 to her, Sally look on that picture, and what the Lord says, your 
 dear master will draw it out for me to read ? I then saw letter 
 by letter come out, as if wrote, (though without any hand or. 
 pen,) as follows : " She that dwelleth in the secret place of the 
 Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." I 
 felt it a confirmation of my faith ; and said, there is no better 
 path than to repose the soul in God, and to go on in quiet 
 resignation, whatever we may feel. As I was making that 
 reflection, I heard, though yet asleep, my dear husband'* voice, 
 as if close to my face, speaking these words, 
 
 Shout, all ye people of the sky! 
 And all ye saints of the Most High : 
 Our God, who thus his right obtains, 
 For ever and for ever reigns ! 
 
 The beginning I heard in my sleep, but as it waked me, the 
 rest was heard afterward : and I could have known his voice 
 among a thousand. I saw from it, we never render to God his 
 right till we abandon, by a perfect resignation, all our concerns, 
 spiritual as well as temporal, into his hand, and learn to lie still 
 before him, in the posture of a little c*hild, hanging each mo- 
 ment by faith on his mercy. I see how the art of Satan has 
 hindered me. Indeed my present state is not joyous. I feel, 
 keenly feel, my loss ! I arn as a poor sheep alone on the 
 mountains. I feel a sorrow no pen can describe. I am pene- 
 trated with fiery darts, and my health so broken, my nervea BO 
 
 * So must they in the hour of temptation. ED.
 
 168 THE LIFE OF 1FART VI. 
 
 weak ; with a variety of trying affairs which quite weigh me 
 down. But this morning, the Lord showed me, I was not to 
 set joy as the mark,* but a ready submission and quiet resig- 
 nation to his will. That I was to a. this on my mind, " Whoso 
 trusteth in the Lord shall never be confounded." That I was 
 to lie still as clay in his hand, that he in his wisdom and love 
 might save me in the way that he knew. My only care should 
 be, to embrace the cross with a ready will ! 
 
 February 6, 1786. My sou 1 is waiting on the Lord. I be- 
 Jieve he will bring me into his unclouded presence ! I do feel 
 the truth of these words, 
 
 " They shill, as their right, his righteousness claim." 
 
 I also feel that, 
 
 " I shall, as my right, his purity claim." 
 
 I do claim it, and feel a share therein. He keeps me ; I know 
 " He that abideth in him sinneth not." My soul doth abide, 
 looking by faith to Jesus ; and I do not feel any sin ; yet my 
 sorrow and mourning is deep. I also feel sore temptation ; not 
 to any thing earthly of any kind. No, I believe " the world is 
 crucified to me," and I " unto the world !" It has no charms 
 for me ; but I am tempted with great terrors, which come over 
 mv mind in a moment, and my weak nerves, which have been 
 affected even to a degree of palsy, help to let in the tempta- 
 tions. At times the Lord Jesus gives me such a view of his 
 ^faithfulness and full power to save, that I seem to forget for a 
 few moments all my sorrow ! This is the case often ; but then 
 the vision shuts again, and grievous temptations return. I want 
 a full liberty, such as was given at the outpouring of the Spirit 
 on the day of pentecost. I believe there is a degree of union 
 which shuts out all sorrow,! the soul having so entered into 
 the element of love, as to be incapable of receiving any idea 
 but what is consonant therewith, or in other words, a " dwell- 
 ing in God," and possessing the fulness of that promise, " I 
 and my Father will come and make our abode with you." 
 
 February 16. I found to-day some refreshment in convers- 
 ing with that dear old saint, Mary Matthews, one of my dear 
 love's first children, who endured much persecution for the 
 truth's sake many years since. She was called under the first 
 sermon she heard him preach ; and after feeling the spirit of 
 bondage nearly two years, was very clearly set at liberty, and 
 walked many years in faith and love. It was she who was so 
 blessed the first Sabbath my dear husband introduced me into 
 the kitchen among those who met there ; and she has enjoyed 
 
 * It is a real part of the "kingdom of God," Rom. xvii, 14, but not scnsibh 
 discerned while the believer is " sifted as wheat." ED. 
 
 t No ; our Lord was a man of sorrow*. But all rebellious sorrow we may 
 'tx tared from. ED.
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 169 
 
 a fuller liberty ever since. She told me, That on the day. after 
 the preaching in the last week, having undertaken to open the 
 door in time for the mornirg service, she took the key of the 
 room for that purpose, and Believed the Lord would awake her 
 in tune. About two in the morning (instead of five) she was 
 awaked with an extraordinary power cf God. She thought, I 
 must rise and pray. She came down and broke up the fire, 
 and being in a little house all alone, she sat down to meditate, 
 and give full scope to the Spirit She took up her hymn book, 
 but could not read, for, said she. " All around me seemed God ! 
 It appeared to me as if the room was full of heavenly spirits. 
 I laid the book down, and falling back in ray chair, I remem- 
 bered no more of any thing outward, but thought I was at the 
 threshold of a most beautiful place. I could just look in. The 
 first thing I saw was the Lord Jesus sitting on a throne ! 
 There was a beautiful crown over his head ! It did not seem 
 to bear with a weight, but as if it was suspended there, and as 
 he turned his head, it turned with him. A glorious light ap- 
 peared on one side, and all around him was glory ! I thought 
 on that word of St. Paul, Who dwelleth in light unapproach- 
 able ! Turning my eye a little, I saw close to rny Saviour my 
 dear minister, Mr. Fletcher ! He looked continually on the 
 Lord Jesus with a sweet smile. But he had a very different 
 appearance from what he had when in the body, and yet there 
 was such an exact resemblance, that I could have known hu 
 among a thousand ! Features and limbs just the same, but in 
 of flesh. It was what I cannot describe, all light ! I know not 
 what to call it ! I never saw any thing like it. It was, I 
 thought, such a body as could go thousands of miles in a mo- 
 ment.* There were several passed who had the same appear- 
 ance ; and I =eemed to have lost my old weak, shaking body ! 
 I seemed to uiyself as if I could have gone to the world's end 
 as light as air ! I looked on him a long time, and observed 
 every feature with its old likeness. He then turned his eyes 
 on me, and held out his hand to me just as he used to do. 
 After this the whole disappeared, and I came to myself, and 
 found it was just the time when I should open the preaching 
 house door." I found her words a comfort to me.f Ah ! my 
 dear husband was a suffering member here ; but he is now a 
 bright star in glory. 
 
 I am amazed to see how the Almighty appears for me in out- 
 ward things. Night and day I have a sense of safety. I feel 
 as if the angels of the Lord encamped round about me ! Though 
 
 * What a description ! Far beyond her powers. ED. 
 
 nd 
 
 way to comlort her ! And what a mystery 
 fit liirertly. butu 1 . t-c 
 
 15
 
 170 THE LIFE OF '[PART VI, 
 
 we are alone, I and the two girls in this house, sometimes only 
 Sally and I, no long winter night seems to have any thing 
 dreary to me ! Indeed life and death are equal, the will of God 
 is all ! I feel also a quiet acquiescence in the will of God. His 
 will shall be my choice ! I have nc other rest on earth. Yet 
 I have not joy ! But I will lie in his hands for this also. 
 
 Some thoughts have arisen in my mind on this subject 
 There has long been a question between two sorts of religious 
 professors, both devoted to God. The one part say, " A child 
 of God, labouring up perfection's hill, may be in darkness and 
 obscurity for a time, in order to his farther purification." The 
 others say, " Nay, there can be no darkness but from the dis- 
 pleasure of God ! neither is there any true holiness but in pro- 
 portion to this joy." 
 
 But what do we mean by darkness ? And what do we mean 
 by joy] Many blend the idea of darkness with deadness. 
 They suppose such to have no savour of divine things. They do 
 not mourn after Jesus, as one who mourns for her first-born. 
 They can be content with worldly rest. They look more to 
 men and means for help than singly "to Jesus. They are indeed 
 pained sometimes because they have no more life; but their 
 treasure is still here. Such darkness certainly the true believer 
 does not feel. The experience of Mr. Brainerd is a fine com- 
 ment on this. A soul thirsting (in general) after the full mind 
 tf Christ, whose conscience is truly tender, to whom the 
 Pbrld is crucified, and who has no relish but for the things of 
 another life ; whose eye is really fixed, " not on the things 
 which are seen, but on the things which are not seen ;" to 
 whom the prospect of a nearly approaching death is pleasant, 
 from a firm confidence of final salvation, though thrt confidence 
 may be oft assaulted ; and who feels an intense, though mourn- 
 ful desire after the whole mind of Christ, and an abiding filial 
 fear of offending God. Such a soul may find sometimes great 
 obscurity, as if its Saviour was hidden as if the Lord sb tt 
 himself up within stone walls, which prayer could not pa, B 
 through; so that even strong supplication and prayer sha "' 
 seem to feel resistance. As when Jacob wrestled with the an 
 gel, it seemed as if he wanted to get loose from Jacob's grasp, 
 without giving him the blessing. As when our Lord gave that 
 (seemingly) harsh answer to the Canaanitish woman, " It is 
 not meet to take the children's bread and give it unto dogs !" 
 Was it to discourage and drive her back ? Was it from wrath 
 he spoke 1 Ah, no ! It was to try and to strengthen her faith 
 by exercise ; and to increase her blessing, when he pronounced 
 that word, " O woman, great is thy faith ! be it unto thee even 
 as thou wilt." We have often a wrong idea of faith. When 
 the Apostle says, " I have fought the good fight, I have kept the 
 feith," how do we understand him ? Some say, " He fought
 
 PART VI.J .TlRS. FLETCHER. J71 
 
 against sin, he was firm in persecution, and he always be- 
 Jeved. His soul was so full of light and power that he could 
 not help believing." Was there then no conflict in believing? 
 When St. Paul says, Cast not away your confidence, does he 
 mean that they could not cast it away ? Were they to hold it 
 fast, when it needed no holding 1 And is it thus that it should 
 have great recompense of reward ? 
 
 But does not the whole tenor of Scripture speak of the 
 Christian soldier, as "fighting the fight of faith?" And what 
 ia faith, but " the believing of things unseen 1" " Blessed are 
 they who have not seen, and yet have believed." And to Na- 
 thaniel, our Lord says, " Because 1 said, Under the fig tree I 
 saw thee, believest thou 1 Thou shalt see greater things than 
 these." 
 
 It seems to me, therefore, that the way of holiness is to 
 strive every moment to " look unto Jesus as the author and 
 finisher of our faith ;" and while the soul is so continually hang- 
 ing on him, let it not esteani it a strange thing, if it should 
 feel the powers of darkness surround it, inducing horror and 
 dismay ! If the believer feel as though the Angel of the cove- 
 nant struggled against him ; as if he would go away and leave 
 the soul unblest. It may seem to have even a rebuke instead 
 of a blessing, like the Canaanitish woman ; nay, it may feel 
 as if all its strength was failing, so that it could wrestW 
 longer. Perhaps the day begins to break! Death seems 
 the door ! and the fainting soul cries out, O, what is all i 
 wrestling come to ! My day of grace is gone, and I am not 
 saved ! But the very next moment may bring the " New name 
 of Israel ! As a prince thou hast power with God, and hast 
 prevailed." 
 
 June 19. I now see clearly what I want. My soul is not 
 brought fully into the element of love. There is a fulness of 
 love, or, " a perfect love, which casts out all fear." I have not 
 
 Perfect resignation ; yet my will never seems to oppose God. 
 have not perfect peace; it is disturbed by temptation. I have 
 not perfect union with God ; clouds come between. In short, 
 that salvation I felt at Hoxton, and which I now feel, is like 
 Israel when on the borders of Canaan. But I am not put in 
 full possession. I do not dwell in love. I am determined, 
 however, never to rest short of it ; and I believe that is the 
 meaning of the promise so impressed upon my mind, "An 
 abundant entrance shall be ministered unto you into the king- 
 dom of our Lord Jesus Christ." Lord hasten the hour ! I have 
 no hope but from thee. " It is not of him that willeth, nor of 
 him that runneth, but of God that showeth mercy ! Not by 
 might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of Hosts \" 
 Well, if I am thus perfectly saved, I shall be the greatest 
 flionumeht of mercy ! For since that time I was blessed at
 
 172 THE LIFE Of [FART VI. 
 
 Hoxton, how often have I sunk back from that liberty of faith ! 
 and though the divine change has ever since remained on my 
 soul, yet there have been times in which I have been a monster 
 in my own eyes, for I have many times found self, and from 
 that root, every evil springing up in my soul. 
 
 I would give a list of the evils I have felt, but, alas ! when I 
 attempt it, I am lost ! I cannot find any words to express my- 
 self in. But this I will say, for the comfort of some who have 
 known these things, and into whose hands this account may 
 fall, that wherein they have lamented their inbred corruption, 
 I have much more cause for lamentation. 
 
 Oh ! if I were but for one hour permitted to enter heaven, that 
 I might throw myself at the feet of all whom I have offended, or 
 hindered, by my pride, self-will, and other evils, it would yield me 
 some consolation. Yet I believe I shall be delivered from them 
 all, and even from this painful reflection. Yes, I shall ; the God of 
 love hath said, " Thou shalt walk with me in white I will make 
 thce worthy !" And my sou] has of late felt a great renewal of 
 that piomise. Yes, I shall overcome ! I begin though but faintly, 
 to shout victory ! I shall overcome ! for I singly trust in Jesus. 
 
 Friday, June 23. Three days ago as I was thinking of the 
 ftbove.wordsy' " I am not brought into the element of love," a. 
 thought ca&e into my mind. Thou waitest and pleadest to be 
 into another state : Abide in Jesus ! That is the way 
 
 love, and to bring forth all good fruit. I weighed it over in 
 
 r mind, and saw that it was so. I have Jesus ! and have I 
 not all in him 1 Those words shone with light on my heart, 
 " Christ is made of God unto you, wisdom, righteousness, sanc- 
 tification, and redemption." I felt I ought to rejoice in my 
 privilege ; the privileges of my present dispensation. I am 
 brought into a state of IOVP ; and that I do not abundantly grow 
 therein, is because I do not abide every moment in a quiet 
 peaceable confidence, believing the Lord will enable me to 
 glorify him in and through every thing. These words were 
 yesterday, and are still, the language of my soul, 
 
 11 No condemnation now I dread , 
 
 Jesus and all in him is mine ; 
 Alive in him, my living head, 
 
 And just in righteousness divine, 
 Bold I approach the eternal throne, 
 And claim the crown through Christ my own." 
 
 Friday, July 21. O, the union my spirit feels with my dear 
 husband ! Time makes no difference to me. As I wt.3 offer- 
 ing up my trials to the Lord to-day, these words came to raj 
 mind, " Ask of the Lord grace to suffer as much, and as long 
 as he pleases." I thought, so I will, I will not even wish to 
 have it mitigated. 
 
 Saturday, July 23. Yesterday I was at the chapel in Madetey
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 173 
 
 Wood, and found much freedom of spirit while speaking on 
 these words, " Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise 
 thy name." This morning I feel my soul cast on the Lord, 
 and was blessed in reading those words of Fenelon, " Your 
 letter leaves me nothing to wish for. It confesses all that IB 
 past, and promises every thing for the future. With regard to 
 the past, you need only leave it to God with a humble con- 
 fidence, and repair it by a constant fidelity. You ask what 
 penances are required for the past ! Can we perform greater, 
 or more salutary ones, than bearing our present crosses 1 The 
 best reparation of our past vanities is the being humble, and 
 content that God should humble us. The most rigorous of all 
 penances is, notwithstanding all our dislikes and weariness, to 
 do daily and hourly the will of God rather than our own."* 
 
 Thursday, July 27. For some days I have felt keen darts 
 from the enemy, and such a sense of being alone in the world 
 as I cannot express. But last night, in the midst of these feel- 
 ings, I felt a strong impression that my trials were increased 
 by my not courageously believing every moment that **e Lord, 
 has absolutely undertaken my whole cause. And I alff con- ( 
 vinced that when Satan pursues me with gloom* and threaten- 
 ings, f ought to believe that all is permitted f.exercise my*faith 
 and patience. I feel at all times that ny heart has, embraced 
 the glory of God, as my one sole ca*^ a d therefore I have 
 nothing to do even with my state,- "hether it is joyous or sad. 
 but only to cling to the covena-"-' 1 nave entered into, of being 
 a whole burnt sacrifice to t*e Lord ; and leave him to choose 
 for me every moment, v^ i g m himself all wisdom and love. 
 This thought brougte w ^h it a sweet peace ; and these words 
 were applied to y 6OU 1 " Cast not away therefore your con- 
 fidence, whir- 1 ! hath great recompense of reward, for ye have 
 need of jvuience, and after ye have done the will of God, ye 
 may receive the promise." I see also that I must singly trust 
 in Jesus, resolved to believe that he will make me more than 
 conqueror through all. " None ever trusted in him, and was 
 confounded." My one cry therefore shall be, " Lord, glorify 
 thyself in thy poor creature, and that is enough." In the night 
 I was exercised with pain more than common, but my mind 
 seemed to be fixed on this, Lord, glorify thyself! I slept ; and 
 waked in that thought, and it brought peace. 
 
 August 3. This time of the year returning affects me much. 
 This day twelve months was the last in which my dear husband 
 enjoyed perfect health, and the last in which he visited his peo- 
 ple. Oh ! how does every hour present the past scenes to my 
 view. But I find power to live in the spirit of sacrifice. As I 
 was this morning reading Mr. Wesley's note on Judges, chap. 
 
 * Ho-*- well some Rotnankts hare -written on Christian obedience .' O ai re 
 ED. 
 
 15*
 
 174 THE LIFE OF [PART VI, 
 
 iv, 14, it was made a blessing to me. It is said of Barak, "He 
 went down from Mount Tabor." Mr. Wesley adds, " He did 
 not make use of the advantage which he had of the hill, where 
 he might have been out of the reach of Sisera's iron chariots. 
 He boldy marches down into the valley, to give him the oppor- 
 tunity of using his chariots and horses, that so the victory might 
 be more glorious." So it seems to be with me. When I had 
 every help and every comfort, he brought me into the valley 
 indeed ! unto the loss of all my earthly comforts ; and into deep 
 and fierce temptation. And yet those very things which would 
 have been a great trial to me, and a great alarm to my fears, 
 when I had my dearest companion with me, are nevertheless 
 rendered easy ; and my captain going before seems to gain for 
 me an easy victory. He is my light in difficulties, my protec- 
 tion in dangers, and my continual shield. But that word of the 
 Lord spoken to Gideon, " The people are too many for me to 
 deliver Israel, by them," casts a still clearer light on my path. 
 I was, the happiest of women ! I had every thing which friend- 
 ship, tht most heavenly and refined, could give. My helps 
 were too nit-ny : I could not feel my deep nothingness. God 
 has stripped nn of all ! Yet I will look every moment for the 
 complete victory. 
 
 Monday, August K How awful a Sabbath was yesterday to 
 me ! The remembrance O f the tremendous scene that day 
 twelve months, deeply penetrated my heart. The whole of the 
 last week has been to me very *n]emn. Every hour has pointed 
 out some part of the bitter cup wj.h I have drank, and do still 
 deeply drink of. 
 
 This day has also been a time of deep examination. What 
 difference do I find between this and the "i s t fourteenth of 
 August, the day of my dear husband's death? T find a good 
 deal, many ways. First, I have more vehement lodging after 
 Christ. Secondly, I am stript of all desire of human comforts, 
 and dead to earth in a fuller degree than I ever was before in 
 any part of my life. Thirdly, That fierce conflict of temptation 
 which I endured at that time has wrought for my good. 
 Fourthly, I am more constant and faithful in private prayer; 
 indeed it is my one business : and I have a more watchful spirit. 
 Fifthly, I feel a more perfect resignation ; and though my 
 wound continually bleeds, yet I can continually say, Thy will 
 be done. Yet nothing can supply the place of the full indwell- 
 ing Spirit. The Lord is ever with me. I have surprising helps 
 and deliverances, and victory in every trial. I feel I am cruci- 
 fied to the world ; but yet I want the promise of the Father in 
 its fulness. 
 
 Tuesday, August 15. Yesterday being (according to the 
 days cf the month) the annual return of the time when my dear- 
 est love departed this life. I set it apart for prayer ana close
 
 JART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 175 
 
 examination, to know what 1 had gained or lost in this black 
 year. Most of the day I was in heaviness ; but by the light of 
 God I clearly discerned his powerful hand was upon me. The 
 entire deadness I find to every thing wordly; the purity in 
 which the Lord continually keeps my soul ; the increasing vigor 
 of my spiritual affections ; my great love for souls, and abun- 
 dant liberty in speaking to them, with the many degrees of 
 resignation to the Divine will which I feel my soul sunk into ; 
 and that spirit of love which ever prompts me to turn the other 
 cheek, all give me good hope. Now, thought I, though I felt a 
 measure of all this before, is not the increase of all these an evi- 
 dent mark, that the work of God is deepened in my soul 7 I saw it 
 was so, and was constrained to cry out. This hath God zcrcrught ! 
 
 I then was led to reflect on my union with my dear husband, 
 and saw how much of the heavenly state we had enjoyed 
 together ; and it seemed as if I so longed to give up all for God. 
 that I offered up to his divine will even our eternal union, (ii* 
 it was in reality, as many suppose, that separate spirits forget 
 all they have known and loved here,) that his will might be 
 done ! I seemed content, so my dearest love, and my own sou] 
 were lost in his immensity, and should know each other no 
 more ! I then found as it were, a conversation carried on in 
 my mind. The question arose, what pan. of our union can 
 heaven dissolve? It will take away all that was painful 
 such as our fears for each other's safety, our separations, &c- 
 But what of the pleasant part can heaven dissolve 1 I answered 
 from the bottom of my heart, Nothing, Lord, nothing'. Clear 
 as light it appeared before me, that heaven could not dissolve 
 any thing which agreed with its own nature. Let two drops 
 of water, two flames of fire, or any two quantities of the same 
 element, be put together, they would not destroy each other, 
 but would be increased. So what came down from God, would, 
 when returned to its source, live for ever, and be corroborated, 
 but not lessened. 
 
 I am quite at a loss for words to describe the feelings of that 
 hour ! but it fixed in my soul an assurance of our eternal union. 
 And as it increased my tender affection toward my dear hus- 
 band, so it seemed to spread it to all around. I felt it reflect 
 as it were backward and fonvard, to and from all the heavenly 
 host, all seemed doubly dear through that endearing love I found 
 to him. At the same moment, a peculiar sense of union with 
 my friend Ryan sprung up in my soul ; and I seemed to wor- 
 ship with them both before the throne. As I rose from my knees, 
 I had an application of these words, as from his own dear moitth, 
 " The days that in heaven they spend, 
 
 For ever and ever shall last.'' 
 
 O, what did I feel ! my eyes overflowed with tears, and my 
 with praise 1
 
 176 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 November 15. Last Sunday (the 12th) was to me a heavy 
 day. That was the day my dear husband gave himself to me, 
 and that I gave myself to him, or rather the Lord gave us to 
 each other. But I was enabled to go through the duty which 
 the Lord called me to that day, with calmness and resignation. 
 
 This day I had, at my ten o'clock hour, much freedom in 
 
 pouring out my heart to the Lord. I prayed that I might have 
 
 an increase of faitL I then opened an old book which helped 
 
 rne to make some reflections very suitable to the present pos- 
 
 ture of my mind. I had been considering whether I might ex- 
 
 pect as fully to glorify my Saviour, as one who had been less 
 
 guilty and sinful. For twc days that question had been upper- 
 
 most in my heart, and the following words much in my mouth, 
 
 " If so poor a worm as I 
 
 May to thy great glory live !" 
 
 But to-day I was led into the following considerations : The 
 Lord Jesus hath said, They to whom much is forgiven, love 
 much, but they to whom (comparatively) little is forgiven, love 
 little ; and this is corroborated by three parables, The lost 
 sheep, the piece of money, and the prodigal son. But why is 
 U so ? Can I find sufficient ground for my faith to set its foot 
 upon? The following thoughts occurred to my mind. First, 
 we generally love best what has cost us most. My Saviour 
 has drunk a more bitter draught for me- than for many ;* there- 
 fore he hath paid a higher price for me. AJ1 the pain, shame, 
 and evil consequences of sin. " He hath borne in his own body ; 
 lie hath borne my grief and carried my sorrows." Well then 
 I have more to love him for than any other. 
 
 Secondly, The author observes, " it is certain we may be- 
 lieve that God will give them the first place in his esteem who 
 have glorified him most in this world," But who are they ? 
 Doubtless those who believe most, who come nearest to the 
 faith of Abraham; for to believe in God's faithfulness to his 
 promises, and in his power to perform them, is to give him 
 glory. Rom. iv, 20, 21, " He staggered not at the promise 
 through unbelief, but was strong in faith, giving glory to God ; 
 and being .fully persuaded that what he had promised, he was 
 able also to perform." From hence it follows, that to believe 
 the truth and faithfulness of God in his promises, and in his 
 power to .perform, (even in those cases where the performance 
 is most difficult, and rare,) is a greater glorifying of God, and 
 shows a higher degree of faith, than to believe in ordinary cases 
 only, wherein the belief is not so generous and noble, or so re- 
 mote from the common principles of reason. The high com- 
 mendation of Abraham's faith, by which he is said to give glory 
 
 is a flne illustration of those words of the Apostle, " In lowliness of mind. 
 
 tettertbaa himself -" " we koe ^ * 

 
 TART VI.J MRS. FLETCHER. 177 
 
 to God, (i. e. in a very signal and transcendant manner,) is 
 expressed in these words, Who against hope believed in /tope. 
 His faith breaking through the strong oppositions which the 
 dictates of reason and nature made against it, was highly pleas- 
 ing to God, and cast an abundance of glory upon him in that 
 respect. Hence he pronounced him the father of the faithful, 
 and made him the father of many nations ; that is, he con- 
 ferred and settled this great dignity upon Abraham, to be for 
 ever after reputed and acknowledged the great exemplar, or 
 pattern of all, who to the end of the world should believe ; and 
 who, for their number, should equalize many nations. There- 
 fore, that believing in God which accords most with this faith 
 of Abraham, hath most of the spirit and power of that grace. 
 That which lifteth up itself in the soul against the strongest 
 assaults or encounters, must needs glorify God more than that 
 which hath only the common impediments and obstructions to 
 overcome. Now it is plain that he who hath been an inveterate 
 and obdurate sinner, and the most deeply ungrateful ; and who 
 hath on his conscience a heavier burden of guilt than any 
 other ; when he believes, J say, he hath much communion with 
 Abraham in the excellency of his faith, and believeth against 
 many fierce lions and bears in his way : against the strongest 
 and most violent temptations to diffidence and despair. Where- 
 as, he who hath no such mountains in the way for his faith to 
 leap over, he who hath no such armed fears, no such imperious 
 contradictions of sin to encounter, his faith, though it hold 
 good correspondence with the faith of Abraham, in the nature 
 and truth of it, yet it is far beneath it in that crowning property, 
 whereby it gave glory to God so abundantly.* 
 
 December 12. In prayer this morning I was led to see the 
 beauty of faith in reposing the whole soul on God. Surely, O 
 Lord! thou requirest nothing of me, but to believe on thee for 
 all I want ! I find the strongest dart of Satan is against my faith. 
 He tells me all day long, that I believe because I will believe,^ 
 and not by the immediate gift of God not by the operation ef 
 bis Spirit. It seems that is the only hold Satan has on my 
 soul. But was not my first word (when seven years old) an 
 invitation to believe 1 
 
 " Who on Jesus relies, without money or price, A ^ 
 
 The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys." 
 
 The same is often applied to me now: and does not the 
 
 " The weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den." To a mind 
 less devoted than Mrs. Fletcher's, these speculations might be dangerous. They 
 might lead to Aiitinomianism ; which, as Mr. Wesley observes, (in the Minutes 
 of one of the first conferences,) comes, in doctrine, within a hair's breadth of the 
 highest truths of the Gospel. Mrs. Fletcher, however, was preserved from thm 
 danger, and always found divine aid in the exercise of faith. By it she ovf- 
 Came. ED.
 
 178 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 whole Scripture /ead to, and require believing -? Were not the 
 Jews rejected for unbelief? Was it not esteemed hardness 
 of heart in Israel because they would not believe the bare 
 promise of God, and so enter into the good land 1 I feel a con- 
 tinual power to trust my all to Jesus, and the more I trust, the 
 more it unites me to God. Then I do, I will trust him, though 
 legions of temptations appear to hinder ! What mercy ! I have 
 no temptation to sin ! no ; my soul hates all that God hates ! 
 But every stroke is against my faith, as if I believed too much. 
 I prayed the Lord to direct me to some book on the subject, 
 and found, as soon as I rose from my knees, one which I never 
 saw before, among my dear husband's collection. I opened it 
 on this subject, " Christ the example of our faith." The 
 writer observes on these words, " He is near that justifies me : 
 who shall contend with me'!" That Christ is brought in, as if 
 uttering them before the high priest's tribunal, when they spit 
 upon, and buffeted him. When he was also condemned by 
 Pilate; then he exercised faith in God his Father, " He is near 
 that justifies me ;" and as in his condemnation he stood in our 
 stead, so in this hope of his justification, he speaks in our stead 
 also, and as representing us in both. And upon this the Apostle 
 pronounces in like words, concerning all believers, Rom. viii, 
 41 It is God that justifieth; who is he that condemneth ?" Christ 
 was condemned : yea, hath died, who therefore shall condemn? 
 We have this communion with Christ in his death and condem- 
 nation ; yea, in his very faith. If he trusted in God, so may 
 we ; and we shall as certainly be delivered. Observe, Christ 
 also lived by faith. We are said, John i, 16, to " receive of his 
 fulness, and grace for grace," that is, grace answerable, and 
 like unto his, and so among others, faith. 
 
 " To explain this, First, In some sense Christ had a faith 
 for justification like to ours, though not a justification through 
 faith, as we have. He went not out of himself to rely on 
 another for righteousness, for his own was perfect : He was 
 ' the Lord our righteousness.' Yet he believed on God to justify 
 him, and had recourse to God for justification. He is near 
 (says he) that justifies me. If he had stood upon his own 
 person merely, and upon his divinity, there would have been no 
 occasion for such a speech ; but as he stood in our behalf there 
 wae ; for what need of justification, if he 'had not been, in some 
 way, exposed to condemnation ? He must therefore be sup- 
 posed to stand here at God's tribunal, as well as at Pilate's, with 
 all our sins upon him. And so Isaiah tells us in chapter liii, 
 ' God laid on him the iniquities of us all. He was made sic 
 and a curse,' arid stood not in danger of Pilate's condemnatioB 
 only, but of God's too, unless he satisfied him fo* all those eins. 
 And when the wrath of God for sin came thus upon him, big 
 faith was put to it to trust and wait on God for justiftc&tioa,.
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 179 
 
 that he might take off those sins, and his wrath from him, and 
 acknowledge himself satisfied, and the surety acquitted. There- 
 fore, in the 22d psalm, he is brought in as putting forth such a. 
 faith as we here speak of, crying out, My God ! my God ! 
 when, as to sense, his God had forsaken him. Yea, at the 
 sixth verse, we find him laying himself at God's feet, lower 
 than ever any man did ! I am a worm, and no man, a worm 
 which all tread on, and no one thinks it wrong to kill ; and 
 all this because he bore our sins ! 
 
 " Now his deliverance and justification from all these, (to be 
 given him at his resurrection,) was the matter, the business he 
 trusted God for; even that he should rise again, and thus appear 
 acquitted from them all. Secondly, Neither did he exerciee 
 faith for himself only, hut for us also ; and that more than we 
 are put to it to exercise for ourselves': for he, in emptying him- 
 self, and dying, trusted God with the merit of all his suffering?-; 
 beforehand ; there being such a countless multitude of souls to 
 be saved thereby to the end of the world. God trusted Christ 
 before he came into the world, and saved millions of souls upon 
 his voluntary offering and engagement, and then Christ at his 
 death trusted God again as much.* In Hebrews ii, 12, 13, 14, 
 it is made an argument, that Christ became a man like us, 
 because he was put to live by faith, and the Apostle brings in 
 these words as prophesied of him,! I will put my trust in him,' 
 as a proof of his being so constituted. Now how should the 
 consideration of these things help us to believe, since, in thit 
 example of Christ, we have the highest instance of believing 
 that ever was. Hast thou the guilt of innumerable sins upon 
 thee ? Consider what Christ had, though not his own. Luther 
 
 boldly says, * Christ was the greatest sinner that ever was' 
 
 that is, by imputation. And yet he trusted God to justify him from 
 all, and to raise him up from under the wrath due to them. Dost 
 thou say, Christ was God, and knew he could satisfy ; but J 
 am a sinful man ! Well, but if thou art one who easiest thy- 
 self on Christ, and believest on him, thou art made one with 
 Christ, and Christ speaking these words, He is near that justi- 
 fieth, spake them in thy name as well as his own, for he stood 
 m thy stead. It was only thy sins, and those of others, which 
 exposed him to condemnation ! and thou seest what his confi- 
 dence was beforehand, that God would justify him. And if he 
 had left any of them unsatisfied for, he had not been justified 
 
 "rj?^ e * 1 IS ^ naystery of godliness," especially in every thinp respecting tU- 
 aoly Inuity. Eternity will be employed in developing the divinity and clorv 
 of our redemption. That the PATHEB should become the God of the Son, by 
 the incarnation ! And that " God manifest in the flesh," should believe, obey, 
 and suffer; and "through the Eternal Spirit," thus "offer himself a sacrifice to 
 God," in the truth of the nature which he had assumed What a depth is here ! 
 "Angels desire to look into it." The whole univeise is interested in it and wjll 
 h affected by it for ever. ED.
 
 180 THE LIFE OF [PART VI, 
 
 But by his being justified from all sin, shall all shiners be justified 
 who believe hi him 1 Certainly for this very reason our sins 
 shall not hinder our coming to God. He then brings in those 
 words, John xvii, ' For their sakes I sanctify myself, that they 
 also may be sanctified through the truth.' Showing how we 
 possess all spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus." 
 
 I found a sweet and clear light shine on the above, and many 
 other passages of the book ; and praised God for the answer of 
 prayer. In short, I felt we have all in Christ, and that they 
 feel it most who believe most ! 
 
 December 28. My soul seems entirely fixed on the glory of 
 God ! For some days that thought has been continually in my 
 mind, O that I could really know that he did glorify himself on 
 me !* If I was sure that all I feel is according to his will, then 
 whatever sorrow or conflicts I endure, I should have a continual 
 heaven. I entreated the Lord to show me what it was to glorify 
 him ; and in what manner the soul could bring him most glory. 
 
 In a few days my prayer was in part answered. He showed 
 me, if a lamp was set in the middle of a table, and several crys- 
 tals around it, some more, some less clear, that the clearest 
 crystal would best reflect that brightness of the lamp. As to 
 my question, Which were the souls that brought most glory to 
 God ] I was taught, that I must judge nothing before the 
 time, for no true judgment could be formed till that day " When 
 he should come to be glorified in his saints and admired in all 
 them that believe !" Then those who had been most emptied 
 of self, most deeply humbled, and most fully prepared to receive 
 and reflect the image of Christ, should eternally bear the high- 
 est resemblance to theii Lord. I saw all good, all glory was 
 in him, and nothing could bring honour to God, but our becom- 
 ing nothing, that he might be all in all ! I say, I saw it, but I 
 mean in a far deeper sense than ever I did before ! O how 
 short are words ! I used to feel a pain in writing a diary be- 
 cause my words seemed to convey more than I meant ; but now 
 for some time I have felt just-the contrary. I feel more than I 
 can express. 
 
 January 2, 1787. My mind has been yesterday and to-day, 
 much affected with the thought of beginning a new year. This 
 day five years I left Cross Hall in company with my dearest 
 husband. O, what have I seen in five years ! And what may 
 I see before the end of the two next 1 Those words have been 
 much with me for some days, " Stand still and see the salva- 
 tion of the Lord." O that I may learn to do it in the most 
 perfect manner ! 
 
 I am amazed at the goodness of the Lord in many things. I 
 
 * The "unction of the Holy One," giving a consciousness of our conformity 
 to the Son of God, and to hie word, can alone bestow or continue this high priy; 
 fege. ED.
 
 J-ART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 181 
 
 eec him opening all my way before me day by day. He cuts 
 out my work, and shows me how to employ every hour. My 
 heavy affliction, which I continually feel from the loss of my 
 dearest love, I do find power to offer up each moment to the 
 liord ! Yea, I praise him in the midst of my sorrow that I have 
 such a sacrifice to offer. What hath my Saviour done and 
 suffered for me ! I shall not repent when I get to glory that I 
 have suffered a little for him. Though of all I have felt, nothing 
 ever came near this ! It has left the finest strings of nature 
 bleeding ! But all is well. I feel my mind drawn to live on 
 that word, Thy will be done. In that I rest, and will for ever 
 rest. My soul, wait thou only upon God, for of him cometh 
 my salvation. A deep watchful spirit is what I am praying and 
 waiting for. I mean that continual cleaving to Jesus, which is 
 implied in that word, Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, 
 whose mind is stayed on thee. 
 
 January 9. Thinking this morning of my temptation, that 
 my feeling of God is not sensible, and consequently my joy 
 but weak, the following thought came to my mind, Do I not 
 believe the whole world lieth in the wicked one, and that he 
 leadeth them captive at his will ? But was I conscious of his 
 presence or power in any manner that could be called sensible ? 
 I was not. Do I not believe this was my own state ? I do : I 
 know I abode in the wicked one, and was led captive at hi* 
 will. But I know I was in him, by the way and disposition I 
 walked in. I walked in the way to hell, adding sin to sin ; 
 except when now and then a touch of God interfered. I walked 
 in the disposition of loving and caring for life ; I took my own 
 care ou myself, apd sought my own i.appiness out of God. But 
 I called all this following my reason, and my understanding, so 
 that all the work of the wicked one on the spirit was invisible, 
 and hidden from me. Now the Apostle says, " As ye have 
 rendered your members servants to iniquity, so render them 
 unto righteousness." Thus the work of God on the spirit is 
 invisible, and hidden many times. But I have known the sen- 
 sible deliverance, and the converting power ; and now also he 
 leads me in a way and disposition just contrary to what I was 
 in the way to heaven, for I feel my treasure is there, though 
 I seem to know only the marks of his feet. I feel my wishes 
 dead to all of earth. I feel his will is rny refuge ! and as to my 
 disposition, I long for full conformity to him. I live in an act 
 of offering up my whole self to God almost every moment with 
 a blessed degree of peaceful earnestness. And therefore I will 
 rejoice in this. If I knew before that I was in the evil one, 
 and led by his will, though I had only a hidden communion ; I 
 know now I dwell in God, and am led by his will, though I 
 have not what some call sensible joy.* But I seem to Have 
 
 How greatly was she perplexed on this point by the injudicious converse 
 
 16
 
 182 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 given my hand to God, as a child to its mother, and he 
 leads me hour by hour. The above thought was much blest to 
 me. A sweet light shone on the work of grace in my soul, and 
 I have since quietly leaned upon the bosom of my Saviour. 
 
 January 10. All day yesterday my faith seemed to grow 
 ttronger, and more nakedly to hang on Jesus. Now and then 
 also sweet glimpses of the glorious power of faith opened before 
 me. I said, Lord, give me a word to be as a sword in my hand ! 
 Immediately it came into my mind, 
 
 " I shall o'ercome through faith alone, 
 And stand entire at last." 
 
 April 30. Having been called to take a journey, J often 
 thought, while changing from place to place, and meeting with 
 some things rather difficult, that I was as a ball which could 
 never fall wrong. I left all to God, and every thing came right. 
 Yet my loss and painful remembrance of what the circumcising 
 knife of death had done, seemed to be renewed by every scene. 
 Herein I learned a lesson. Many had said, a journey would 
 help me ; variety of objects would tend to lessen my grief. But 
 I did not find it so. My health was more poorly than at home, 
 and sorrow seemed increased, and not lessened, by all I met 
 with. Nevertheless I saw the will of God, and can say, He 
 gave me to acquiesce every moment ; and whatever my body 
 might feel, my soul gained good, and my faith is much increased 
 by a thousand instances of the love and care of my adorable 
 Saviour manifested to me in that season. Deep humiliation 
 attended me in all my exercises, public or private ; and I know 
 the journey was of the Lord. 
 
 May 3. Since my return home, I have felt my soul sink 
 deeper into God. Some time ago I was awaked with these 
 words, 
 
 " Give to the winds thy fears, 
 Hope, and be undismay'd ; 
 God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears, 
 God shall lift up thy head."" 
 
 Two days ago I was stirred up with reading those words in 
 Dr. Doddridge's Life, " There must be an enlargement of soul 
 before any remarkable success on others, and a great diligence 
 in prayer and strict watchfulness over my own soul, previous 
 to any remarkable and habitual enlargement in my ministry ; 
 and deep humiliation must precede both." I cried for power 
 to redouble player. I was afterward much tempted, but in 
 prayer I saw how perfect a sacrifice Christ had paid to the 
 Father foi all my sins ! I. at this moment^xult in the thought, 
 
 Pi'iiy absolved through this I am, 
 
 :<, and sin, from guilt and shame." 
 
 tfon of some of her friends, whom the Lord, for wise and good reasons, led in a 
 way more directly sensible ! ED.
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 183 
 
 August 16. All this last fortnight has been a time of great 
 trial to me ; I think as deep as in the last year. Every hour 
 presented some part of the awful scene. A few days before 
 the anniversary of my dear love's death, I waked one morning 
 out of a dream, in some measure spiritual, but could recollect 
 little of it. I was thinking, Will the Lord indulge me on tha* 
 day with such communion with my dear love as he did on the 
 last fourteenth of August ? These words were then applied to 
 my mind, * 
 
 " Be in all alike resign'd, 
 Jesus' was a patient mind." 
 
 From which I thought, I woidd not look for it ; I saw the 
 leading of the Spirit at this time was quiet resignation. In 
 that posture therefore I have held my soul before him : and on 
 that day I did not find any such communion as on the former 
 anniversary. 
 
 December 8. Sally being ill with a bad cough, which that 
 morning seemed worse, her head also much affected, and some 
 fever, I asked of the Lord in submission, her restoration. She 
 scarcely coughed afterward ! Her head was no more affected, 
 and she found herself, from that time, quite well ! This parti- 
 cular answer to prayer raised much thankfulness in my heart. 
 O Lord Jesus ! I ask in thy name to be made the temple of 
 God through the Spirit ! O Lord, in Jesus' name I ask, do all 
 thy will ! 
 
 December 10. For two days various texts have dwelt on 
 my mind, relating to suffering ; and yesterday an observation 
 which Mr. Home made in his sermon was blest to me, viz. 
 That those virtues were most valuable, that most prepared us 
 for suffering, because by that we were most conformable to our 
 Buffering Head. I know not the cause, but my spirit has all 
 day been much depressed. I am very poorly in body ; and the 
 sense of my separation from my precious love seems to enter 
 as iron into my soul. But blessed be the Lord, it does not pre- 
 vent me from following the order of my God. 
 
 December 17. These words were given me, with some 
 power, " With the Lord is plenteous redemption, and he shall 
 save Israel from all his sins." I have found some answers to 
 prnyer this week, and my soul is thirsting and waiting for the 
 fulfilment of this promise. lord, show me how I may be most 
 perfectly pleasing unto thee ! Desire increases in my soul ; 
 yet there is a want unsupplied. I long to know how to get 
 into a full and close communion. 
 
 It seems to me since prayer this afternoon, that there is but 
 this one way, a looking continually unto Jeeu.- ^elites 
 
 to the brazen serpent. 
 
 January 10, 1788. And do I see the becii;:.ing of another 
 year ! I can still set to my seal, the L ,>rc -ears and anawen
 
 184 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 prayer. O that this year may all be devoted to thee my ador- 
 able Head. 
 
 January 17. I was blest last night in what Mr. Home said 
 of his former experience, That " he took those words, Pray 
 without ceasing, in a literal sense, and strove every moment 
 to be in the real act of prayer. Soon after he was brought into 
 .so spiritual a frame that wherever he went he carried such a 
 Kense of the awful presence of God as cannot be expressed." 
 
 my Saviour, I waflt more of this ! My soul has been kept 
 this day going out after God ; but I want a fulness which I can- 
 not think but it is the will of God to give. These words are 
 much on rny mind, Let patience have its perfect work. And, 
 After ye have suffered awhile, he will strengthen, stablish, 
 settle you. I have strangely seen the hand of God in all 
 things ! Every thing tells me, the hairs of my head are num- 
 bered. Yet I cannot rest till I can more fully glorify my God. 
 Lord, increase my faith ! 
 
 January 29. My way is the way of heaviness. There is a 
 weight of sorrow lies on my spirit ; I cannot account for it. 
 Others have much joy ; I have but little. My dear husband 
 used to express the same thing ; but Oh! I did not then under- 
 stand him. Had I but now the advantage of his dear company, 
 how different a use could I make of it ! Then I had him to flee 
 to in every trouble,, and " cares by dividing were hushed into 
 peace." Now I remember he used to say, " What others were 
 satisfied with, he was not." And really so it is ; for I am sure 
 
 1 have more of God than I had then. And yet I was then quite 
 satisfied very often ; and had I kept the presence of God, as I 
 now do, I should have called it walking in constant peace. But 
 Oh ! I want a clear passage into the heart of my Beloved ! I 
 think I can truly say, I wrestle not with flesh and blood," I 
 feel no temptation to any sin. But I am fiercely attacked with 
 weights of sorrow, and thoughts that like barbed arrows tear 
 my heart. 
 
 This day I have covenanted afresh with the Lord, to try what 
 a total abandonment will do. From this day, (four o'clock in 
 the afternoon, January 29,) I abandon myself without reserve, 
 delivering up myself into the hands of God, to the end that he 
 may execute on me his whole will, whether in the way of 
 justice or mercy. I will embrace all sufferings of every k'ind 
 though I should see that they are the consequences of my 
 former sins, or present follies. Yea, 1 am thine, my Jesus, save 
 It thou wilt not save me, I am lost for ever ! But I will 
 singly trust in Jesus ! I will turn to no other for help. I have- 
 long tried what creatures could do, but all in vain. Now I will 
 renounce all reasonings all reflections on my state ; and only 
 fix the eye of my soul on Jesus, always content with what thou 
 giveet me, Lord ! though it should only be a bare remembrance
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 185 
 
 of thy presence, and an alacrity to meet thy will ; and this thou 
 dost give. The strongest desire of my soul is, that thy will 
 Eaay be done in me. 
 
 I was blest to-day by an observation in a spiritual writer, 
 " Not to come out of abandonment, in the extreme pains through 
 which we pass, is something ; but the not coming out of repose 
 in this abandonment, whatever trials we may pass through in 
 all the rough paths where we may tread, this it is which is 
 rery precious in the sight of God."* Again she observes, 
 "lake as he who is in a ship moves not himself, but leaves 
 himself to be moved by the motion of the ship in which he is; 
 so the heart which is embarked in the Divine good pleasure, 
 ought not to have any will of its own, but leave itself to be 
 carried by the will of God." 
 
 February 12. This morning, in my hour of prayer, I had 
 some sweet glimpses of the all-sufficiency of Christ. He bore 
 the whole weight of my* sins before I had committed one ; yea, 
 before I was in being he made a full, perfect, and sufficient 
 sacrifice, oblation, and satisfaction, " for the sins of the whole 
 world." Again, I had a feeling sense of these words, " He is 
 made of God unto us, wisdom, and righteousness, and sancti- 
 fication, and redemption." I was led much to cry for a strong 
 and powerful faith, and for deep humility. I find, on reflection, 
 I love to be abased, yea, I embrace contempt as with open 
 arms : but I do not properly acquiesce, when the trial presents 
 itself. I rather start back,f and only embrace it in the second 
 thought. Therefore, I am not so sunk into Christ as to be fully 
 a new creature. Lord, grant me this, and I shall have an in- 
 contestable evidence of what thou hast done ! 
 
 Feb. 28, Thursday. On Tuesday night, as one was saying, 
 " I do not desire to look on myself at all, I only want to look 
 at Jesus Christ, for when I look on myself I reason ;" I felt it 
 come with power to my heart, and ever since I have felt a 
 farther lift in faith. 
 
 April 3. Last Friday Mr. Wesley came. It was a time of 
 hurry, but also of profit above any time I ever had with him 
 before. I could not but discern a great change. His soul 
 
 * This high attainment in the divine life may not be easily understood, as ex- 
 pressed by this "spiritual writer." The inspired writers express it with the 
 utmost plainness and simplicity. It is indeed the being saved from all self-will, 
 and in consequence, the resting every moment in the will of God. It is thus 
 only we can " rejoice evermore, and in every thing give thanks." Tlie faitii by 
 which we are thus saved can only be sustained by " praying without ceasing ," 
 as Kempis finely expresses it, " To thee is my heart without a voice, and my 
 silence speaketh unto thee !" Such is the victory given by " Christ's dwelling in 
 the heart by faith," Ephesians iii, 17. ED. 
 
 t We ought to feel a repugnance, yea, " an abhorrence to that which iseriL" 
 But this should be attended with resignation to the Lord. In this abhorrence, 
 and in this resignation, " the mirid of Christ," principally consists, and they wen 
 constantly manifest in the whole of his blessed life and conduct. ED, 
 
 16*
 
 186 THE LIFE OF [PART Vf 
 
 aeems far more sunk into God, and such an unction attends his 
 word, that each sermon was indeed spirit and life. In preach- 
 ing on the Trinity, he observed, it was our duty to believe 
 according to the word of God ; but we were not called to com- 
 prehend : that was impossible. Bring me, said he, a worm that 
 can comprehend a man, and I will show you a man that can 
 comprehend God. He observed, that if three candles were 
 burning in a room, the light was but one.* 
 
 Many answers to prayer I found during the season they were 
 here, and though my body is now too weak for any hurry, yet 
 all was ordered well, and we were carried through with toler- 
 able ease, and every opportunity was blest to my soul. 
 
 Yesterday I heard, that dear Mr. Charles Wesley died on 
 Saturday last ! O, how often have we, in years that are past, 
 taken sweet counsel together ! It has left a deep solemnity on 
 my spirit. 
 
 April 11. Last night I felt a peculiar liberty in prayer, in 
 begging for mercy in behalf of my friends in Switzerland. It 
 seems to me it will be answered through my nephew. He 
 grows in grace, and at some seasons appears to enjoy very deep 
 communion with God. O, how shall I praise the Lord for his 
 great goodness and abundant faithfulness to his poor creature ! 
 
 May 2. I often wish I had more time to attend to my diary : 
 such wonderful answers to prayer are given to me, as ought to 
 be recorded. 
 
 " Why should the wonders he hath \vrought 
 Be lost in darkness and forgot." 
 
 May 15, Monday. It is amazing how the Lord answers 
 prayer. I have'written letters, (I may say in faith,) about this 
 preaching house, and have met with success beyond all expec- 
 tation. If we can but get the ground, all will be well. I do 
 think the whole hundred will be made up before we strike one 
 stroke. On Saturday evening, considering these words, " No- 
 thing shall be impossible to you," I acted faith on the Lord for 
 spiritual blessings, for that fulness I long for. I prayed that 
 I miglit have the next day a better Sabbath than common, and 
 so it Was. In the morning meeting I found a farther degree 
 of resignation, and entire confidence in Jesus ; and in that spirit 
 I passed the day, during which I had to encounter such a vari- 
 ety of incumbrances and trials, as were quite uncommon. This 
 encouraged me much. Both Mr. Home's sermons were blest 
 to me, and the noon meeting was attended with an extraor- 
 dinary power. I find it best to carry every thing to Jesus, and 
 draw all from him, determined to believe that he who hath un- 
 dertaken my cause wili ^ot leave his work imperfect. 
 
 * O that men were eatiaficri thus to believe, and wait upon the High and lafty 
 OKK, that they .night comprehend, in its glorious f/ccts, the doctrine of Uw 
 acred THREE, EC,
 
 PART VI.I MRS. FLETCHER. 187 
 
 June 11. For some days I have had a clearer sight of the 
 perfect Saviour than ever in my life before ! 1 was much blest 
 in considering the type of the brazen serpent. The following 
 observations, as I read them in a bopk which fell into my hands, 
 made a deep impression on my mind. First, " It may seem 
 strange, that a serpent should be an emblem of the amiable and 
 dove-like Redeemer; but, Moses' serpent was void of poison, 
 and had no sting, but was only in the form of a serpent. So 
 'God sent his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh,' but an 
 utter stranger to the venom of sin. Again, it was a method of 
 cure solely constituted and appointed of God. Who could 
 liave thought that looking at a dead serpent, and of brass, could 
 have cured the bite of a living one ! Especially if it be true 
 what some affirm, that the sight of burnished brass is naturally 
 pernicious to those who are bitten of serpents, and that to look 
 on the shape of any venomous creature increases the torment 
 of the unhappy sufferers who are bitten by them. So, the 
 method of our recovery by the cross of Christ, is a device which 
 claims God himself for its divine author: and thus the whole 
 method of Gospel salvation is, ' to them who perish foolishness, 
 but to those who believe, it is the wisdom of God, and the 
 power of God.' Secondly, It was a method of cure that never 
 failed ; being no less sure than strange. Not an Israelite died, 
 as Moses assures us, who looked at the brazen serpent : and 
 who were ever confounded that trusted in Christ ! Thirdly, It 
 was a method of cure easily put in practice by an Israelite. If 
 he received his wound in a remote part of the camp, and was 
 too ill to draw near, yet if he turned his eye and looked at the 
 serpent lifted up for him, it was enough ; he was healed ! 
 Fourthly, It was a remedy that might be repeated as often as 
 there was occasion for it. So ' Christ is the propitiation for 
 our sins,' to whom we may warrantably have recourse as often 
 as we are wounded, and in every time of need. Fifthly, It was 
 a remedy that proved effectual, though the sight of the wounded 
 person was ever so weak. So weak faitli is saving in its.de- 
 gree, as well as strong, because the object is the same." * Lhad 
 such a clear view how all our wants were supplied by Jesus as. . 
 I cannot express. Yes, he has atoned for all our sins i he has 
 " reconciled us to God while we were yet enemies !" Bm^we 
 must look to, and trust in him alone ; and we may look every 
 moment. The following day, Sunday, as also Monday and 
 Tuesday, I had much outward exercise, but was carried through 
 all as in the arms of the Almighty. 
 
 July 16. I was this day led to consider the advantage of 
 living longer, if the Lord should not take me at the time sister 
 Ryan's dream seemed to point out, vz. the beginning of next 
 year. This subject I set myself to consider, lest any murmur- 
 ing thought should present itself in the disappointment. First,
 
 188 THE LIFE Of {PART Vf. 
 
 If I Bhould live, it must be the will of God, and is not his will 
 dear to me ? It is true, I may have much more to suffer, but is 
 not that suffering the will of God 1 Perhaps I can serve God's 
 children, both their souls and bodies ; and did not my Lord ab- 
 sent himself from the joys of heaven to become a man of sorrows 
 for me 1 Nor is it to be despised if I can thus help my Lord's 
 people by my income. Mr. Baxter says, Do good to men's 
 bodies, if you would do good to their souls. Say not, things 
 corporeal are worthless trifles for which the receivers will be 
 never the better. They are things which nature is easily sen- 
 sible of; and sense is the passage to the mind and will. Dost 
 thou not find what a help it is to thyself to have at any time 
 ease, or alacrity of body ; and what a burden and hinderance 
 pains and cares are ? Labour then to free others from such 
 burdens and temptations, and be not regardless of them." In- 
 deed, I see it a great honour if I am permitted to sweep the 
 dust from under the feet of the saints. Again, I believe there 
 is a mansion appointed for each, a state and employment for 
 which we are to be fitted. It does not appear I am fitted for 
 the lowest mansion there ; but then I know my Jesus can do 
 the work of a thousand years in one day, and I know I may, as 
 my righteousness, claim the Lord my Saviour. 
 
 August 5. Last night I had a powerful sense, in my sleep, 
 of the presence of my dear husband. I felt such sweet com- 
 munion with his spirit as gave me much peaceful feeling. I 
 
 IA-A S me days thou ht that ! was called to res st more than 
 
 did, that strong and lively remembrance- of various scenes 
 
 both of his last sickness, and many other circumstances, which 
 
 frequently occurred with much pain. This thought being present 
 
 to my mind, I looked on him. He said with a most sweet smile, 
 
 .t is better to forget." What, said I, my dear love, to forget 
 
 another ? He replied with an inexpressible sweetness, " It 
 
 :s better to forget ; it will not be long ; we shall not be parted 
 
 long ; we shall soon meet again." He then signified, though 
 
 not in words, that all weights should be laid aside. His presence 
 
 continued till I awoke. 
 
 August 15. Last night was the anniversary of my dear hus- 
 band s death. Three years I have now passed" in solemn, awfti 
 widowhood; but, glory be to my God ! I have found it three 
 years of prayer. Never did I know three years of such suffer- 
 ing, and never did I know three years of such prayer. Some- 
 1 have sweet glimpses of the millennial state brought into 
 
 ' fru^fe? my Way seems thorn y' and as if I walked 
 
 wholly by faith, like my dream of the little star.* Yet I am 
 
 scious of a great change : but I want a more abundant evi- 
 
 that not only many, but all things are become new." 
 
 It seemed as? a my dear husband remembered the season, for I 
 
 * See page 80,
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 189 
 
 had a most particular dream. I thought the side of his tomb 
 was opened, (I mean the wall on which the iron plate lies,) and 
 I saw him lying under it, while I lay at his side. We remained 
 so a considerable time, and I felt that sweet tranquil composure 
 that I always do when he seems sensibly present. He then 
 said, with a sweetness which I cannot describe, " Put thy arm 
 over me and feel what companions I have ; they must be thy 
 companions too." I put my arms and felt bones and broken 
 coffins, at which nature seemed to shrink, but I did not speak. 
 He tenderly answered to my thought, "Thou wilt lay thy head 
 upon me." I felt some regret at the thought of his being there. 
 He again answered to my thought, " I entered this habitation 
 with great comfort and satisfaction." Then I thought two 
 gentlemen came up, and stood by the tomb, and sa.id one to the 
 other, " It is a pity Mr. Fletcher was laid here, it would have 
 been better to have carried him to Mr. Ireland's vault." My 
 dear love looked on them and answered, " There was no need 
 of that. We count it our privilege to be laid together, and we 
 ought to count it our privilege both to rise from one spot." 
 
 August 28. All this week my soul has been drawn out after 
 that promise, " He shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and 
 with fire." Indeed it is a narrow way. I seem fighting with 
 principalities and powers ; but blessed be God, I do not eeem 
 ever to be fighting with sin. Yet I am not at rest : I am not 
 entered into perfect rest. I can say, " I wrestle not now, but 
 trample on sin ;" but I want what I have not, and which I 
 firmly believe I shall have. Yet when I think death is near, I 
 seem almost impatient for that fulness, that I may begin to live 
 to my God in the full sense. 
 
 January 1, 1789. I feel my soul affected much at the thought, 
 of seeing the beginning of another year. Perhaps this will be 
 the last with me. May I live each moment as if I were sure it 
 would be so ! Lord, be with us in renewing our covenant this 
 night ! I have for some time been praying for an enlightened 
 understanding in divine things ; and light has reflected more 
 clearly on the wonderful work of redemption. These words 
 are sweet to me, "In the Lord I have righteousness and 
 strength !" The account I have received of my dear, Mrs. 
 Caley's death is precious. She was not in high rapture, but in 
 profound tranquillity and peace. Such has been her life, and 
 such her death. Lord let me follow her as she has followed 
 thee !* Nurse Peters has also reached the goal. Glory be to 
 
 * Mrs. Caley, well known in that day in London, was a woman of the most 
 devoted spirit, and of the most elegant and polished manners. She, drank deeply 
 of the cup of affliction, but rejoiced evermore in the will of HIM who gave it to 
 her. Mr. Wesley preached her funeral sermon, in London, from Philippiang iv, 
 8, " Finally, brethren, whalsoever things are true, whatsoever Uiings are honest, 
 whatsoever tilings are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoeK-r things arc 
 lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there Ix; any virtue, aad if the* a
 
 190 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 thee my dear Lord, that I had the honour of sending her that 
 one guinea, and to have her last message, that " it helped her 
 to praise thee more abundantly." O how many dear friends 
 have I on the other side the river ! And I too am on the wing-, 
 only I wait a little till the Lord renew my spiritual strength, 
 
 "Till of my Eden repossess'd, 
 Prom self and sin I cease." 
 
 January 7. I have been reading over some of my old diary, 
 and found it much blest to me. It brought to my mind many 
 past scenes, which increased faith and thankfulness ; also, it 
 cast a clearer light on my present state. Comparing my pre- 
 sent state with that I felt at Hoxton, I can truly say now I not 
 only feel all the purity, all the spiritual mindedness, and all the 
 resignation I did then, but in many things I prefer my present 
 dispensation to that. Yet my soul is not satisfied, for I see a 
 far greater salvation before me. In short, it is not the gift, but 
 the full possession of the Giver, my spirit longs for. ' 
 
 March 6. Last Sunday, as I went to the Lord's table, I 
 renewed my covenant, determining to consider Jesus more im- 
 mediately as the husband to whom I am joined in every sense 
 of the word ; as he who hath undertaken all for me. Since 
 that time I have more particularly found my soul abiding in his 
 presence, and he every moment carrying on the work of puri- 
 fication. The great promise of my life on which he hath made 
 me to hope, is that given me when eighteen, " Thou shalt walk 
 with me in white," and repeated in these words, " Thou shalt 
 walk with me in white ; I will make thee worthy." The pos- 
 ture of my soul is that of a poor beggar before the Lord, holding 
 before him that petition, " Lord accomplish to me the word on 
 which thou hast made me to hope I" 
 
 Wednesday, March 24. Yesterday dear Mr. Wesley left us 
 in apparent good health. What a miracle is he ! Eighty-six 
 years old, and thus supported ! He is going directly to Ireland, 
 und thinks to visit every society there this summer. The Lord 
 preserve him and accomplish all his will upon him ! As he 
 was speaking on Monday, on these words, " God has not given 
 to us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound 
 mind," what an unction attended the word ! O may we never, 
 never rest till fully restored to that perfect soundness he de- 
 scribed ! 
 
 be any praise, think on these things." He declared that he never knew one who 
 thought more upon this divine assemblage of graces, or with more success. Speak- 
 ing of her loving and unwearied efforts to win souls for God, he quoted that line, 
 of Prior, 
 
 " Manna was on her tongue, and witchcraft in her eyes." 
 Nurae Peters was also well known in London. She was a plain good woman 
 of admirable sense, and deep experience in religion. It is with great pleasure 
 that I embrace this opportunity of embalming the memory of those oxoclleus 
 women by uniting thorn to that of their admirable friend. ED,
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 191 
 
 April U. This Lent I have found a deep sense of the suffer- 
 ings of my Lord. Yesterday, being Good Friday, we had a 
 solemn meeting at night, but I did not find quite as much life in 
 speaking as at some times. The men (many of them with 
 families,) who are come to work at the navigation lay much on 
 mind. We ought to do something for their souls. Lord, open 
 the way ! O let them not go without some light at least. 
 
 April 27. My soul is all upon a stretch for God. Last night 
 and this morning, as I was repeating in prayer, Thy will be 
 done ! my words were lost. I felt the desire of his adorable 
 will being done so strongly, that I was forced for some time 
 only to groan. I am continually led to offer up my free will to 
 God. I long to be as mere clay before him. I plead that word 
 on which he hath made me to hope, "Thou shalt walk with me 
 in white ; I will make thee worthy." Yet my faith hath a 
 strange drawback ; something would suggest, that it only meant 
 in eternity, and that I should never glorify him here as I longed 
 to do. Were I to die immediately, this would not be so great 
 a trial ; but my health is now much better. I thought I saw 
 the port, but I seem put back again ; and perhaps I may live 
 some years. And must I always live at this poor rate ? My 
 very heart and soul seem to groan for a closer communion with 
 my God ! At some moments (I think every day) I feel as it 
 were a sweet rest ; I seem centred in Jesus. But in a few 
 minutes it draws in again, and then I seem to be always believ- 
 ing and longing, but yet without any immediate answer. It is 
 true, faith does not fail ; it is in constant exercise, and often 
 seems to hope against hope. But all this I would not mind. 
 Though Naaman was made whole in seven dips, I would not 
 . mind if the Lord made me dip seventy times seven. But my 
 grief lies here, I am condemned, often once or twice a day, for 
 some word, or thought, or action chiefly in words. Indeed 
 the condemnation does not seem to be from the Lord, as if it 
 would come between my soul and him. But I see I have spoken 
 unadvisedly with my lips, and I cannot bear the horror of the 
 view. There arc some persons with whom I have much busi- 
 ness to transact, who do not see alike, or cordially love one 
 another. In some things both are right, in others both are 
 wrong. I have this connection at present two ways, personally, 
 and by correspondence, and I find it a hard thing to bear my 
 testimony against that winch is wrong, and to approve that 
 which is right in both, and yet neither to write nor speak but 
 exactly so far as truth and love requires. O that I may from 
 this day see, as in letters of blood, before my eyes continually 
 those words of the Apostle, "He that offendeth not in tongue, 
 the same is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body." 
 Ah, Lord ! how far am I yet from this perfection. 
 
 April 29. I had some liberty in prayer three tunes to-day,
 
 192 THE LIFE OF [PART Vf. 
 
 the most in the three o'clock hour in the room. I was praying 
 for a clear discovery of the grace or state I might ask for, and 
 expect. It came before me as a representation of Christ as the 
 vine, and of my soul as being a branch ingrafted therein. Then 
 < I saw clearly that every believer was a branch in him, in part 
 united ; but when the branch is perfectly united, it is absolutely 
 a part of the vine. The sap runs freely through every part, it is 
 completely of one nature with it. Then the mind is in us which 
 was also in Christ. We live no longer, but Christ liveth in 
 us, and are preserved from moment to moment by faith. Now 
 if any knot or impediment were in any of the branches, it would 
 hinder the free circulation of the pure sap through it, and that 
 branch would wither, and in a degree be barren. Hence I saw 
 sanctification in a clearer light than ever. It is to be perfectly 
 ingrafted into the vine ; to have no impediment remaining to 
 hinder the flow of the sap, and while the soul thus abides by- 
 faith, it brings forth much fruit, and experimentally knows the 
 meaning of those words of St. John, " He that abideth in him 
 sinneth not." 
 
 April 30. My soul hath been led to-day tolook at the won- 
 drous love of the Father ! " He spared not his own Son ; he 
 BO loved the world as to lay on him the iniquity of us all" and 
 " shall he not with him freely give us all things ?" 
 
 June 4. Satan is striving hard to draw my mind back, but I 
 have found this day a liberty to commit my whole cause into 
 the hands of God. I feel a strong encouragement from these 
 words, Every one that asketh receiveth. I ask in Jesus' name 
 to be made a holy soul ! O that all this day I may be kept, 
 and directed by the Lord, and-walk as in his immediate presence. 
 
 for that mind that was in thee ! 
 
 June 26. Various providences of late, have more and more 
 convinced me of the need of a farther change. I have it at 
 times ; but something arises that seems selfish ; and again, like 
 anger for a moment, which though never abiding, clearly con- 
 vinces me I have not yet entered fully into rest. I long to be 
 all devoted to ray Lord, and to bring glory to him by every power. 
 
 July 6. At the class, as I was saying, It was not any pecu- 
 liar or sudden comforts that so tended to the soul's sanctifi- 
 cation, as a constant abandonment and resignation of the whole 
 soul, with every concern, into the hand of Jesus ; 1 felt in a 
 moment such an insight into the love, faithfulness and wisdom 
 of Christ, as I cannot describe. O the security I saw in aban- 
 doning my soul to him ! It was for a minute glorious indeed. 
 
 1 kept looking, but it drew back, as if a curtain was for a mo- 
 ment drawn up, discovering some glorious scene, and then 
 gradually let down again. But it has left an increase of con- 
 fidence. O could I always feel what I felt just then, it seems 
 to me it would be a real heaven, and banish all sensibility <>.'
 
 93 " 
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 293 
 
 fear and , suffering. It was what I never felt before in that 
 degree. 
 
 July 15. I had some liberty in prayer this morning, as also 
 at the ten o'clock hour. I found a blessing also in reading Mr. 
 Whitefield's account of the dealings of God with his soul, 
 written on board the ship in his way to Philadelphia. He 
 prayed for the humility of Jesus ; and observes, " From my first 
 awakening to the divine life, I felt a particular hungering and 
 thirsting after the humility of Jesus Christ. Night and day I 
 prayed to be a partaker of that grace, imagining that the habit 
 of humility would be instantaneously infused into my soul. But 
 as Gideon taught the men of Succoth with thorns, so God 
 taught me humility by the exercise of strong temptation." I 
 was thus led to consider the point ; and though I clearly dis- 
 cerned the same workings of Providence over myself, how often 
 have I been led to pray more for humility than for any other 
 grace, because by nature it is the virtue I am the most contrary 
 to ; but in my deep affliction, I now discern, this was the Lord's 
 way. There have been many seasons in which, through pride, 
 imprudence, sin of various kinds, I have brought great humilia- 
 tions on myself; and even where they are caused by our owri 
 sin, if they are borne with subjection of spirit to the corrections 
 of God, they work in the end for the salvation of the soul. But 
 at the season I refer to, that of the death of my dear husband, 
 although it really seemed I spoke and acted in an upright spirit, 
 and am now conscious how tender my heart was with the fear 
 of offending, yet I said and did many, very many, unwise things 
 which tended to lessen me greatly in the eyes of others. O 
 how needful for me to lie still in the hand of God, making it 
 my only business to accept of every thing as from the Lord's 
 hand, hanging on that word by faith, Thou shatt walk with me 
 in white ! I am convinced that the most profitable of all hu- 
 miliations, are those that arise, through his grace, from a view 
 of our own blunders, and even from our corruptions. 
 
 September 14. I have been much drawn to pray, that the 
 great design of the Lord's coming may be answered, That 
 Tie may destroy the works of the devil. I see, through his 
 grace, my understanding is darkened. I ask in Jesus' name 
 this work to be destroyed ; for by the knowledge of Christ alone 
 can I be changed into his likeness. I see Satan raises false 
 fears, false views, and wandering imaginations : I ask deliver- 
 ance from all these !* My soul lies before the Lord in a waiting 
 posture : in particular I ask power to consecrate the faculty of 
 
 * It is not clear that those great and precious promises, by which we are made 
 ,partakers of the Divine nature, secure to believers such a deliverance from 
 these attacks, that they should not trouble them, and at times, even agonize the 
 eoul. But they secure to them such an abiding in Christ, that none of those de- 
 vices should prevail to unsettle their faith, or separate them from his love. ED. 
 
 17
 
 194 THE LIFE OF {PART VI. 
 
 speech to the service of my God, so that I may never again 
 speak an unadvised word. 
 
 September 15. Last Saturday (September 12) I was fifty 
 years old. O my God, how little have I gained of thee in fifty 
 years ! Lord, let this be a jubilee year to me ! I will try what 
 prayer can do. Lord, give me a measure of that spirit in which 
 thou didst spend whole nights in prayer ! Never was I more 
 stript, more empty ! I have no dependence but on thyself. I 
 long for close communion. My soul pants after it. I have 
 wonderful answers to prayer ! And I feel that my humiliations 
 do me good. Yet I do not embrace them as I ought to do. It 
 is perhaps a minute before I rightly enter into the gracious de- 
 sign. When I look to the Lord, all is right ; but I want such 
 an habitual look, as shall enable me to receive them as a hungry 
 man does his food ! Not only to take up, but to glory in the 
 cross of the Lord Jesus. I seem to walk much more by faith 
 than by sight. My soul seems to go out in desire and" silent 
 prayer. I am mostly in the act of crying, Come ! But there 
 seems silence on the side of the Lord ! He does not answer 
 by sweet comforts, only by power over sin, purity of mind in a 
 good degree ; and an almost constant act of sacrifice.* I love 
 his will, bitter or sweet, but I want him as the bride in the 
 Canticles, to kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for his love 
 is better than wine. 
 
 September 16. This morning at the ten o'clock hour, I had 
 freedom in praying for an entire change. I thought, My situa- 
 tion as to outward things, is the most advantageous to a reli- 
 gious life that can be. I have no cares ; indeed I have no need 
 of care. I have plenty of all I can want. Sally, though a 
 tender child, is one of much ability ; laying herself out to serve 
 and please me in all things. Matty, my other servant, of a 
 most quiet and peaceable spirit, and rigidly honest and faithful. 
 Blessed be God, her soul also comes forward in the divine life. 
 Reflecting on this, I drew from it the following encouragement : 
 If I am thus favoured, is it not plain the Lord designs me to 
 be one of those who are brought into close fellowship with 
 himself? May I not attain to a fuller salvation than when in- 
 volved in all my perplexities 1 My heart was encouraged. I 
 thought on these words, " Men ought always to pray, and not 
 to faint." Again, " I am come that they may have life, and 
 that they might have it more abundantly." My soul longs 
 for this more abundant life. Lord, pour out on me thy light 
 
 * And was there no divine comfort in all these glorious marks and fruits of the 
 new creation ? There was. Comfort high as heaven, and which hell can never 
 imitate ! Par superior even to those sweet consolations which are so graciously 
 'bestowed on youn^ converts, and which some sincere souls so greatly need 
 throughout the whole of their pilgrimage She lambs that he carries in his besom.
 
 PART VI,] MRS. FLETCHER. 195 
 
 and truth, and make me, in a complete sense of the word, a 
 new creature ! I was led to think of the familiar manner in 
 which our Lord conversed with the women and his disciples 
 after his resurrection. He met them and said, " All hail" (i. e. 
 happiness attend you,) and bid them "tell his brethren he 
 would see them in Galilee." Probably on Mount Tabor, where 
 his glorious transfiguration was manifested before them : and 
 where they heard the voice of God, declaring him " the beloved 
 Son whom they were to hear." They were also commanded 
 to " tell the vision to no man, till the Son of man 'should be 
 risen from the dead. " The thought struck my mind, perhaps 
 in this very assembly they were first to tell it ! All this en- 
 couraged me greatly. 
 
 October 5, Monday. This has been a day of recollection 
 and prayer, glory be to God ! I have had some views of the 
 great designs of God on his redeemed; how through the SON, 
 he will form his own bright and glorious image in us. We are 
 appointed to be conformed to the image of the SON, and is he 
 not the express image of the Father ? A little glimpse of 
 what the Saviour is, and will be to me, now and then for some 
 time beamed forth, and set my soul in a longing posture. Yet 
 it is but like seeing through the lattice. 1 long to know 
 whether what I see before me, and grasp after, may be attained 
 in this life, or must I die to prove it ? O my divine Director, 
 my Prophet, speak and tell me ! This is all that keeps me 
 back, not knowing what I may ask, having been so great a 
 sinner. Something says, I shall not fully enter into the good 
 land here.* To-day I was reading those words, " In the last 
 day, Jesus will present himself as judge, to angels, men, and 
 devils." I asked myself, Do I embrace with all mysoul, Jesus 
 as my judge ? My heart sprang at the thought ! Yes, my ador- 
 able Judge ! I choose thee with all my powers ; reicquiesce 
 beforehand in thy sentence, be,it what it will: yea, and in all 
 thou shalt appoint from this moment to that time ! Many times 
 to-day these words have been my food, "The Lord God Omni- 
 potent reigneth !" 
 
 October 6. I was ill most of last night, but was recollected, 
 and had a sense of undeserved mercies. Reflecting to-day on 
 that point which hath so often hindered me, viz. Some say, 
 when we have sinned we should wait for a fresh pardon, a fresh 
 sense of it, before we believe. I prayed for light, how to walk 
 in my present state ; and the following reflection arose in my 
 mind. I feel my will is turned to the Lord. He who knows 
 all things, knows, I long, I pant, to love him perfectly, and to 
 
 ; Scriptu 
 tion." ED.
 
 196 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 Jive every moment to his praise, with the fall exertion of my 
 powers. But sometimes, when I am waiting before God, it is 
 suggested, I have indulged in the last meal, or, I have spoken 
 unadvisedly at such a time. These things have kept me in 
 bondage long. But to-day, I clearly see my one business is to 
 maintain faith. How is it that the soul is ever received after 
 any fall? Is it not at last by believing Christ hath atoned for 
 that sin ? Now I feel I could, on the recollection of any stum- 
 hie, immediately fly to, and weep on the bosom of my Lord. 
 But that thought has presented itself, Am I not an Antinomian 7 
 But I will no more take man, but the word of God for my 
 director. What were my Lord's words to Peter] "I have 
 prayed for thee that thy faith fail not." So then this faith 
 ought not to fail, though he denied his Lord with oaths and 
 curses ! And what a word was that, when his Lord, foretelling 
 his fall, added, "And when thou art converted, strengthen thy 
 brethren." What tenderness was showed unto him! He 
 wept bitterly, but he still claimed his interest in his Saviour, 
 for he ran to the tomb to seek him. And how did our Lord 
 wipe away his tears ! He was seen of him before any of the 
 eleven, 1 Corinthians xv, 5. He was the first preacher at pen- 
 tecpst. The first messenger to the Gentiles. An angel musi 
 wait on him to bring him out of prison ; and at last, he received 
 the crown of martyrdom. Did not Christ on the cross foresee, 
 and die for all my sins before I had a being ? Did he not pay 
 the price for all 1 But it is only mine by believing. Then if 
 I always believe, does not that word belong to me, " There is 
 no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus, who walk 
 not after the flesh but after the Spirit?"* It is true, if the will 
 and affections draw back, the soul will find it hard so to believe 
 as to retJ*a to the former fellowship. And yet there is no way 
 for themWt by believing. The case I mean is, I see it my 
 privilege to live always under the atonement ; and though I do 
 wrong, and fall short continually, yet I may and must run di- 
 rectly to my God, just as I did with my husband. If he said, 
 Polly, thou shouldst not have said or done so ; I asked his for- 
 giveness, and had no fear of his loving me the less. Nay, 
 usually I found more tenderness when I acknowledged my fault, 
 than before I fell into it. That word also came to my mind, 
 " Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin." 
 And again, " If thou canst believe, all things are possible. He 
 that believeth is justified from all things." 
 
 October 31 .These words have made a great impression on 
 my mind of late, When one of the scribes asked our Lord, 
 "What he should do to inherit eternal life?" He replied, 
 " What readest thou in the law ?" The scribe answered, " Thou 
 
 * See the note in the 177th page. Eo.
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 197 
 
 shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and mind, and 
 soul, and strength ; and thy neighbour as thyself." Our Lord 
 replied, " Thou hast well said ; this do, and thou shalt live." I 
 discerned a fulness in this passage which I never did before, 
 and all my soul cried for the possession of that spirit of love, to 
 which this absolute promise of life is made. Many times I 
 have observed, in prayer, or at some peculiar seasons in other 
 means, such a spirit of purity, humility, and love, has over- 
 whelmed my soul, as is hardly to be expressed. At other times, 
 the Divine glory appeared but dim. I saw at once the cause. 
 At the former times, the soul turned from every intervening 
 object, and sunk into her proper place, discerning the immense 
 distance between a holy God and sinful self. Then she begins 
 to shine in his brightness. Her light 'is come, because the 
 glory of the Lord is risen upon her. But if she rises out of 
 her deep absorbment, and lets in self-esteem, what wonder if 
 she then reflects the odious image of sin, instead of the beauty 
 of the Lord Jesus. I perceived also, that there is a great dif- 
 ference between humble thoughts and despairing thoughts. 
 Humble thoughts, though they may cause much pain by the 
 horror and detestation which they cause the soul to feel, yet 
 they exalt the Saviour, and make the soul admire the justice 
 as well as the mercy of God. But despairing thoughts, injected 
 by the devil, drive the soul from God, and represent him as 
 " a hard Master, gathering where he hath not strowed." The 
 faithful soul will find many such attacks, therefore the safest 
 way is continually to give up herself to- the Lord, crying, Thy 
 will be done ! That is a weapon Satan cannot stand against. 
 November 12. This day, being the day of our marriage, 
 many painful remembrances would present themselves to my 
 mind. Each year I wrote, " We are happier and happier !" 
 But I feel a great thankfulness, that I have such an offering to 
 bring to Him who gave up all for me ! Yes, I praise thee, my 
 Lord, that thou hast done thine own will, and not mine. At 
 ten I took my hour before the Lord, and felt some power afresh 
 to dedicate myself to Jesus, entering into a marriage covenant 
 with him. A light shone on my soul to discern how the husband 
 hath undertaken the whole cause of the wife, and I saw both 
 body and soul safe in his hands. I then entreated my adorable 
 husband to take all the freedom of my will into his own hand ; 
 and, as we say to the surgeon, bind me, (for an operation,) so 
 I entreated my Lord to conform me to himself in any way that 
 he pleased ; only that he should be glorified. A thought again 
 presented itself, What if, in eternity, it be his will that I should 
 neither know nor have any communion with my dear husband ? 
 I was enabled to answer, Lord, thy glory is all in all to me ! I 
 felt that he should choose for me. And I was enabled to give 
 up soul, body, life, death, time, and eternity to him, sad cove- 
 17*
 
 198 THE LIFE OF fPART Vfc 
 
 nanted to live on his will alone ! And henceforward, I will 
 consider this day as my wedding day with the Lord, holding 
 ray dear husband in him, whose soul I know will have joy in 
 heaven upon every nearer approach which I make to his Saviour, 
 and my Saviour ! his all, and my all ! 
 
 November 14. After I had spent some time in prayer this 
 morning I felt an increasing freedom in imploring that the 
 whole mind of Christ might be brought into my soul. Those 
 words are much in my thoughts, " Be ye not afraid, neither 
 doubt, for God is your guide," 2 Esdras xvi, 75. Lord, increase 
 my confidence ! I saw how impossible it was to have union 
 where there was not similitude ; and my cry was, Fulfil that 
 word, Q, Lord, on which thou hast made me to hope ! Make 
 me clean through th'y word ! and present me to thyself with- 
 out spot ! Afterward, reading the Life of Ignatius Loyala, and 
 especially what pains he took, and what labour he went through 
 to gain souls, I could not but be struck at the glaring difference 
 between him and me. One day, having taken a step he be- 
 lieved to be his duty, but which caused him both pain and 
 ignominy, and being rebuked by a friend, he replied, " I should 
 not object to traverse all the streets of Paris barefoot, with 
 horns on my head, and clothed in the most ridiculous habit, 
 could it but gain one soul to God."* The conviction imme- 
 diately struck me, that all I wanted was to be filled with the 
 love of God, and that would produce every effect in its proper 
 order. Lord, let my incessant cry be for this ! O give me this 
 most excellent gift of charity ! 
 
 January 7, 1790. And now another year is gone, and I am 
 so much nearer eternity ! Yes, my faithful Saviour ! I will 
 rejoice in the thought, because thou art faithful, and I do believe 
 for the fulfilment of all thy promises : they are yea and amen 
 in thee, on whom I rely. I believe I shall walk with thee in 
 white ! O carry on thy work ! I long to be just what my God 
 pleases. 
 
 In the last month I have had a peculiar experience. I was 
 often tempted to think, that the deadness I felt to all earthly 
 things might be produced by my great affliction on account of 
 my dear husband's death, and I was sometimes damped by that 
 thought in my ardour of praise. But a few weeks ago, I was 
 permitted to feel all the temptations I ever felt, except resent- 
 ment, and I was conscious I could fall into the same desires ot 
 comfort on earth from which I had been so long delivered. 
 My soul was grieved exceedingly ; yet strange ! I seemed nearer 
 to God than before ! I was amazed, but these words came 
 to my mind, " Know that from Jesus alone is your salvation." 
 I cried to the Lord that he would graciously prove it by remov- 
 
 * Pious Protestants well know hvw w appreciate this. True piety is of n* 
 9K\: it is truly catholic, Eu.
 
 ?ART VI.J MRS. FLETCHER. 199 
 
 ing the temptation, and so it proved. Glory be to my com- 
 plete Saviour ! It is now like a dream, but I know and feel the 
 divine reality. 
 
 I seemed to be surrounded with blessings, and see such a 
 care of the Almighty over all that concerns me, as I cannot ex- 
 press. Sally had been very ill, but raised again in answer to 
 prayer as by miracle. My house is a sweet rest, and " a secret 
 place in the wilderness to hide me in." Many storms are with- 
 out, but none can touch me. I seem hid from all the evils of 
 which my letters inform me. I have peace within, resting in 
 hope ; and peace in all my borders. I have communion with 
 my friends above, and none below can harm or injure me. As 
 to temporal things, I inherit now, (and have done some years. / 
 the fulness of that promise, given to me in my deep poverty 
 " Thou shalt be the head and' not the tail : thou shall lend and 
 not borrow." It is amazing how many I can help both by 
 lending and giving ; and when I made up my book this last 
 Christmas, I was surprised to see on how little we had kept the 
 house, and how large was the poor's account ;* yet a little is 
 always left to go on with. He does bless my bread and my 
 water. I want for nothing. I live better than I think I need, 
 and yet, according to the promise, I have always plenty of 
 silvzr. 
 
 January 13. Two days ago, a gentleman and his wife came 
 to see me from a considerable distance. He told me that for 
 two years he had walked in the full liberty of the sons of God. 
 But for the last eight years he had been in the darkness of un- 
 belief. I was led to speak freely on the way of faith ; and 
 mentioned an instance I had lately heard of a good woman, who, 
 when in prayer, her eyes being shut, had a sight of paradise, 
 where she saw our Lord as sitting in the midst of the glorified 
 spirits. There proceeded from him such beams of purity, light, 
 and glory, as penetrated them till they were all irradiated, and 
 shone with his glory. She saw also the same glory stream 
 down on the saints below, and they, in the same manner, keep- 
 ing their eyes on the Lord, were divinely changed. But when 
 any of them turned away their eyes, they received his beams 
 no longer. The same glory still shone round them, but they 
 complained of being barren and dry, and that they could get no 
 answers to prayer. I observed, that I thought this was his case. 
 If we keep faith in exercise, we shall and must receive, for we 
 may have of God, what we will take of him. As I spake, I said 
 in my heart, if this is the truth as it is in Jesus, Lord, set to thy 
 seal ! And so he did, for the power of God came down on the 
 gentleman, and constrained him to cry out, O, now I feel it 
 again ! I feel the power of God go through me ! When I 
 
 * In an account fur one year ; I Aud.UiMrhole expenss of her wearing apparei 
 amounted to a trifle mere tuaa two pounds, E*
 
 200 THE LIFE Of [PART VH. 
 
 came into this room, my heart was as hard and as heavy as if 
 the whole world lay on it. But now it is all gone, and I feel the 
 power of God penetrate my whole frame. His wife also was 
 much affected, and I trust the blessing will abide. 
 
 January 25. A dream which was told me the other day by 
 S. Colley was blest to me. She thought she was surrounded 
 with dangers, but looking up, she saw a large eye always fixed 
 on her, which much encouraged her faith in an overruling Pro- 
 vidence. Then she thought she got into a river, and began to 
 sink. It was very deep and clear, and she was much afraid ; 
 but looking down, she saw this great eye underneath her, which 
 caused such a faith to spring up in her soul, that she laid herself 
 down on the water, with as much comfort and ease as if upon 
 her bed. She felt she could not sink with the power of the 
 Almighty underneath her. 
 
 January 27. My soul was yesterday and this day much 
 drawn out in prayer. Those words are often before me, " None 
 knoweth the Father but the Son, and he to whom the Son is 
 pleased to reveal him." 
 
 I long for this revelation. I feel it is, in its fulness, the thing 
 1 want. Thus only St. Paul's prayer can be answered, Ephe- 
 sians, iii, 14-21. O for this revelation of thy love ! I wait for 
 it moment by moment. And thou sayest, "They shall not be 
 ashamed who wait for thee !" I wait for the salvation " which 
 shall be brought in at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 
 l February 11. The seventh of this month, (on which was our 
 quarterly meeting,) I found it a good day. My soul saw the 
 way of faith, and felt a degree of that liberty which from believ- 
 ing flows. At our class on Tuesday night, we agreed to unite 
 our prayers the ensuing week for power over imaginations, 
 (2 Cor. x, 5,) especially during the tune of prayer, and blessed 
 be God, I find some answer. 
 
 February 26, Friday. I have found this a comfortable day. 
 While talking with brother T. the way of faith was more and 
 more beautiful in my eyes. In prayer I had a sweet discovery 
 of the depth contained in those words, " Whatsoever things ye 
 ask in prayer, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have 
 them." Yesterday I proved that truth. I asked in the name, 
 and in the right of my Lord, that his will might be done without 
 interruption in me all day ; and that I might be kept and taught 
 in every word and action, and enabled to abide as in the pre- 
 sence of God. And though I had no sensible joy, yet I found 
 the power of God keeping me, and approving me each moment 
 since that time. I have been poorly in body, but I so see the 
 hand of God in all, that I seem like a little babe held in the 
 arms of its mother. As brother T. was speaking, I saw the way 
 of enjoying pure love clearer than ever. O, wherefore did I 
 ever doubt? According as I believe, so it is ! Surely.of lata
 
 PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 201 
 
 the Lord is increasing my faith, and teaching me anew to walk 
 with himself. Mr. T. observed, that " God brought his children 
 through different dispensations, sometimes of sorrow, some- 
 times of joy. That it was our part to trust him in all, believing 
 all would be right in its season ; and equally accepting either 
 correction or comfort. God knew what he was about to do 
 with Job, and Job had only to lie still under the hand of God ; 
 for a time was coming in which God would surely lift him up. 
 He had no need to plead his own cause, for he was safe in 
 God's hand, who was then making him a spectacle of glory 
 before angels and devils ; though to man he appeared very dif- 
 ferent." 
 
 June 26, Saturday. I am much led this morning to pray for 
 a resigned will, to stand to the beck of my Lord with a ready 
 rnind. Yes, he shall do with me and mine as seems to him 
 good. Company in the house is a great cross ; they consume 
 much time, and the serving tables seems to clash with my Sab- 
 bath employment. But in this also, thou, my Lord, shall dis- 
 pose and direct : only give me a watchful mind, and then set 
 me to entertain all the strangers thou pleasest. I know not 
 what blessed angels may come with them as their attendants, 
 and I will keep to my old motto, 
 
 " O that my Lord would count me meet 
 To wash his dear disciples' feet f 
 After my lowly Lord to go, 
 And wait upon his saints below ; 
 
 Enjoy the grace to angels given. 
 
 And serve the royal heirs of heaven !" 
 
 But I see there needs a determination to be singular. Some 
 professors, when they have company in the house, sit chatting 
 with them all day. This I must not do. It was one of the first 
 lessons God taught me, to keep to my rules of retirement ; to 
 do my business, as to writing, visiting the sick, meeting the 
 classes, &c, leaving them to their freedom, and taking mine. 
 One part of my work must not overturn another. 
 
 August 14. What have I seen within these five years ! This 
 day five years my beloved was on his death bed. But how is 
 it with me now? I answer, and from the ground of my heart, 
 " It is well." I have nothing to do but to praise ! I love him 
 at thie moment as much as ever I did in my life ; but I love the 
 will of God still better. Yes, I adore thee, my almighty Sa- 
 viour, that thou hast done thine own will, and not mine ! And 
 that my dearest love has been five years in glory. O that I 
 might be permitted to feel a little of what he now is, lost and 
 swallowed up in thee ! Lord, are we not one 1 " The head of 
 the woman is the man, as the head of the man is Christ ;" and 
 "whom God hath joined together none can put asunder." 
 Adam and Eve were never intended to be separated : and shall
 
 202 THE LIFE OF [PART Vi. 
 
 sin so overturn thy original design, as that it cannot be restored 
 by the Saviour? Surely, no ! As thou hast taken away the 
 sting of sin, so thou hast taken away the smart of separation. 
 We are yet one ; and shall I not feel a communication froir 
 thyself passing through that channel ? Lord, make me spirit- 
 ually minded ! " meet to partake of the inheritance of the 
 saints in light." 
 
 August 24. My soul is much stirred up by the thought that 
 1 have lost time more than any one that has really walked in 
 the ways of the Lord. It seems to me that I begin to see a 
 fulness in the word of God, such a depth in the promises, that 
 I have been looking hitherto only for the first principles of 
 Christianity. O for that baptism of the Spirit ! That sancti- 
 fying grace ! ,lt seems as if I wanted the Lord to come and 
 take away the last breath of nature's life ! I see a great deal 
 in these words, " The kingdom of heaven is at hand." The 
 kingdom of abiding " righteousness, peace, and joy, in the Holy 
 Ghost." Surely that is " the kingdom of heaven," of which 
 our Lord said, that the least member of it " was greater than 
 John the Baptist." Lord, bring me into that liberty ! I ask it 
 in the name of my Saviour and Advocate. 
 
 Last night I prayed that I might not have so disturbed a night 
 as I have found of late, but that the Lord would keep away 
 those hurrying dreams which often disturb the quiet repose of 
 my spirit. And it was so ; I found a difference. About the 
 middle of the night I saw my dear husband before me. We 
 ran into each other's arms. I wished to ask him several ques- 
 tions concerning holiness, and the degree to be expected here, 
 &c. But I found something like a dark cloud on my memory, 
 so that I said in myself, I cannot frame the question I would 
 ask ; I am not permitted. At length I asked, My dear, do you 
 not visit me sometimes'? He answered, " Many times a day." 
 But, said I, Do not " principalities and powers" strive to hinder 
 you from communing with me ? He said, " There is something 
 in that." And does their opposition cause you to suffer in 
 coming to me] He answered, "There is not much in that." 
 But do you know every material thing that occurs to me? 
 " Yes." And may I always know that thou art near me, when 
 I am in trouble, or pain, or danger? He paused, and said 
 faintly, " Why, yes;" then added, "but it is as well for thee 
 not to know it, for thy reliance must not be upon me." He 
 mentioned also some in glory who remembered me, and said, 
 " Mr. Hey is with us also, he bid me tell thee so, and by that, 
 thou mayest know that it is I that speak to thee." Mr. Hey 
 died a short time before, very happy in the Lord, 
 
 September 14. As I was in prayer about ten to-day, a thought 
 came into my mind, God is incomprehensible ; but we are called 
 to walk by faith, therefore I ain to believe what I cannot coiv..
 
 VI, J MRS. FLETCHER. 203 
 
 prehend. And 0, what sweet condescension did I see in that 
 stupendous goodness ! He took our nature that we might be 
 ille to form some conception of him. He stooped to me, to 
 'ift me up to himself. " God so loved us as not to spare his 
 own Son. Then will he not with him freely give us all things '!" 
 1 see clearly, it is the infinite desire of the blessed Triune God, 
 to communicate himself to the creature. Ah ! why is it then I 
 do not enjoy more of him ? 
 
 September 17. I was much struck with the comparison of 
 the sun drawing up the vapour, and purifying it as it draws. 
 As I was walking to the Lloyds' I thought much on it, and said 
 in my mind, How shall I know, and coincide with this attrac- 
 tion 1 Immediately it came to my mind, by that word, " Thy 
 will be done ;" by this resignation we instantly enter into the 
 attraction, whatever state we were in before :* and by a simple 
 look to Jesus, a waiting on the Spirit to do its office on us, we 
 continue therein. Lord give me so to wait every moment ! I 
 was comforted in my visits yesterday morning, and again to-day. 
 Glory be to God, souls come forward, and I have been enabled 
 to walk about more this summer, than for a long time. Lord, 
 make me to be as a leaf to the wind before thee ! ready to obey 
 all thy will. Great liberty and power I have found for some 
 months, both in public and private meetings. O, what a favour 
 to be permitted to speak a word in thy name ! 
 
 September 22. I was thinking to-day, What is sin? It is 
 a turning out of the presence of God, and departing from union 
 with him ; drawing back from the attraction.! While that is 
 kept up, no sin is imputed. Many blunders may be made ; but 
 while the heart keeps attached to Jesus, cleaving to him by 
 faith, these words stand good, " There is no condemnation to 
 those who are in Christ Jesus." The will being still fastened 
 to his cross, all that is wanting is a closer attention to the 
 Spirit. Then these blunders would be rectified. My one con- 
 cern must be, to keep in this presence .of God, lying before him 
 as clay, and he will do all his will in me. 
 
 September 30. I have found it on my mind some time, that 
 something more should be done for the souls in the lower part 
 of the town. We have had preaching there, and prayer meet- 
 ings, and yet they seem all dead and cold. Sally thought of 
 several persons, and we got the names of twenty-eight families. 
 We both laid it before the Lord, considering that our good 
 class, which meets on the Tuesday night, were all raised at 
 first by inviting them to a meeting. We proposed to do the 
 
 * But the call to "repent and bolieve the Gospel" must be first obeyed. ED. 
 
 t St. John tells us, " Sin is the transgression of the law ; the law written in the 
 heart," or recorded in the word. But Mrs. Fletcher evidently means, How doe 
 sin revive in those believers who tctre. dead to sin ? In this view of the question, 
 (be remarks that follow raav be profitable. ED.
 
 204 THE LIFE OF [PART VJ. 
 
 same with these. But Sally did not feel freedom to meet them. 
 At night, in prayer, the Lord laid it on my mind to take this 
 meeting also. Therefore she and I set out in faith, determin- 
 ing to call on as many as my strength would reach. We saw 
 much of the Lord all the way. I have got a promise from all 
 we have asked, which is fifteen. We visited many more, hut 
 did not see the tune come to ask them. We have many still 
 to go to. I have appointed ten o'clock on Tuesday morning 
 for this new meeting. The Lord pour his blessing upon it ! I 
 was pleased to find some old ones, on whom my dear husband 
 had spent much labour, seemingly without fruit, now begin to 
 feel, and they attend the public meetings. 
 
 October, 8. The following observation was blest to me as 
 I read it this day. " There is among men here on earth, an 
 almost infinite diversity of gifts, talents, knowledge, inclina- 
 tions, <Sc. The scale of humanity rises through innumerable 
 steps, from the brute man to the thinking man. The progres- 
 sion will continue no doubt in the life to come, and will preserve 
 the same essential relations ; or in other words, the progress 
 which we shall make here in knowledge and virtue, will" deter- 
 mine the point from whence we shall begin our progress in the 
 other life, or the place we shall there occupy."* What a 
 powerful motive to excite us to grow continually in knowledge 
 and love ! The Judge of all will render to each according to 
 his works ; according to the use he hath made of his talents ; 
 and to him who hath, shall be given. It follows that the de- 
 gree of perfection acquired in this life, will determine in the 
 life to come the degree of happiness or glory which each indi- 
 vidual shall enjoy. Certainly, the degrees of glory will be as 
 various as the degrees of holiness has been ; and therefore we 
 have the clearest reason to suppose there will be an eternal 
 advance from one degree of perfection to another. One degree 
 of acquired holiness will lead to another. And because the 
 distance between created beings, and the uncreated being, is 
 infinite, they will tend continually toward supreme perfection ; 
 though without ever arriving at it. 
 
 November 12. My soul has for some days been in a parti- 
 cular exercise ; but I was enabled not to regard the violent 
 suggestions of the enemy. I strove to pass over, or through 
 the thoughts, as they presented themselves, and took refuge in 
 the Lord. O, how important it is not to give in to one thought ! 
 The least turn of the eye of the mind may be sufficient to let 
 in the tempter. It has been an amazing trial ! Truly we 
 wrestle with principalities and powers ! In the midst of it 
 the Lord said, / have redeemed thee : thou art mine ! Some- 
 times it seemed as if I had lost all strength. I could not feel 
 
 * This may be admitted, if the blood of Christ have previously removed all 
 guilt. ED.
 
 *ART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 205 
 
 condemnation, and yet I would fain have condemned myself, 
 for I hardly knew what thoughts were my own, and what were 
 injected. But, strange to say, during this season, though 1 
 almost trembled to speak for God, my words seemed to be at- 
 tended with more than common profit to others ! Lord, awake 
 the spiritual powers of my soul ! This day I have been renew- 
 ing rny solemn dedication to the Lord. On this day I took my 
 dear husband, now in glory ! And I will ever consider it as my 
 day of marriage with the Lord. 
 
 January 1, 1791. Last night I found much desire that I 
 might awake so as to devote the first breath of the new year to 
 the Lord ; and I found it in some measure. Between five and 
 six I got up, and read the psalms for the day, but did not find 
 any thing particular, except that word, which has remained on 
 my mind, " Salvation belongeth unto the Lord, and his blessing 
 is on his people !" My soul is waiting on him, and my expec- 
 tation is alone from him. ,1 
 
 April 20. The posture of my soul is, I still wait in full reli- 
 ance that the Lord will do his whole will upon me. Souls 
 come forward, and it seems as if every one grows faster than I 
 do. I am much pained that I do not feel more under the means. 
 It seems as if the word preached had a more powerful effect on 
 others than on me. Lord, why is this 1 Reading is to me the 
 greatest of means, except private prayer. I think the Lord is 
 giving me to see myself in a clearer light than ever. 
 
 July 13. Mr. Valton's* visit I have found blest to me. His 
 word came with power ; and while we were talking together of 
 faith, I felt my soul refreshed. O how clearly could I see the 
 way for him ! and that all his trials arose from his not believing 
 more, from his not claiming the privilege of his state. Just 
 then I saw clearly for myself also. O my Lord, let thy light 
 ever abide ! God is faithful to do for us all we trust him for. 
 Well, I trust to be kept from all sin from all departure from 
 God ; and I find it is to me according to my faith. 
 
 Last night at the intercession I was not able to speak one 
 word, having such a hoarseness as I never had in my life before. 
 I once attempted to pray, but could not, so I was silent all the 
 rest of the time. I looked on the congregation, who were all 
 expecting me to speak to them, and could not even say, I love 
 and pray for you. And it may be, the Lord is about to take 
 this power from me. My eyes fail ; my hand is weak with a 
 rheumatic pain, and I can write but little. My feet fail ; I can 
 now walk but a short way. My breath is short, and if my 
 voice be also taken, then I have no more to do, but to care for 
 my own soul and others in silence. Well, I am quite content, 
 
 * A travelling preacher and a member of the Methodist conference; now with 
 God. ED. 
 
 18
 
 206 THE LIFE OP [PART vr. 
 
 and am as willing to be ailent as to speak. O thy dear will, my 
 Lord, let it be done for ever ! 
 
 July 15. Reading Mr. Valton's experience, I was yester- 
 day much struck to see the difference between him and me, 
 and my soul has this morning received a fresh conviction to 
 offer up every thought in a deeper manner than 1 have ever 
 done. Lord, thou art faithful to keep that which is committed 
 unto thee. I here commit my every thought, with all the powers 
 of my imagination. Lord, keep them in one constant going 
 out after thee ! 
 
 August 11. This has been a very solemn week to me. It 
 was six years last Friday since my dear love began to be ill. 
 This year, each scene falling on the same day of the week, as 
 well as the year, brings all afresh before me. Last Sunday was 
 the awful day in which he took his last leave of his church and 
 people, ajid began to die in their immediate service ! It was 
 our quarterly meeting at the "Wood. I was in full exercise all 
 -day, and felt my spirit deeply resigned, and a good deal drawn 
 out in the Lord's work, though it was a suffering time. Each 
 day I have passed through every scene, and had some calls to 
 take up other crosses, and to be much employed for the Lord. 
 I feel he sustains me, and gives me to say and feel, Thy will be 
 done ! Last Lord's day I felt a stirring up in my soul, with an 
 encouraging hope that I should yet be brought into a closer 
 walk with God than ever. Yesterday was a day of more than 
 common recollection. I seemed to bear in mind the nearness 
 of Jesus, and felt all good come from him. I find we have 
 nothing to do but keep uniting our mind to him by faith and 
 love ; and if we keep the tree of life, we shall be sure to have 
 each fruit in its season. 
 
 August 17. Last Sabbath was the day which closed the sixth 
 year of my dear love's inheritance in glory. I had many out- 
 ward calls all day in the work of God, and found support and 
 comfort therein. 
 
 " What cannot resignation do? 
 
 It wonders ran perform ! 
 That powcrfi:! trill be done! 
 
 It lays the loudest storm." 
 
 November 15. It is a great cross, this change in our minis- 
 try. Mr. H. going away, now we were so .settled, is a trial. 
 Lord, undertake for us, and order in the way thou pleasest. 
 Only let me do as my dear husband ever did, sink under every 
 humiliation and cross, and rise by all nearer to thee ! I long 
 to be more abundantly the temple of the Holy Ghost. I feel 
 it is a narrow way. But O, keep me ever under the atoning 
 blood. I cast me thereon, I rest alone on thee ! 
 
 I shall now make a few observations. First, I must observe, 
 I have been led all the way through my pilgrimage by an exer- 
 cise of faith, in a very particular manner. Two great promise*
 
 S-ART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 207 
 
 have been given to me, on which the Lord hath made me to 
 hope. One, in which spiritual and temporal blessings are 
 united ; and the other relating wholly to spiritual things. The 
 first was sealed on my heart ia a time of particular trial, at 
 Laytonstone, " If thou return to the Almighty, thou shall be 
 built up ; thou shall put away iniquity far from thy tabernacles. 
 Then shall ihou lay up gold as ihe dust, and ihe gold of Ophir 
 as the stones of the brook ; yea, the Almighty shall be thy de- 
 fence, and thou shall have plenty of silver. Thou shall decree 
 a thing, and it shall be established unlo Ihee ; and the light shall 
 shine on thy way." This promise hath supported me through 
 the rough palh in which I was called to walk. But the words 
 of the Apostle, impressed on my mind when I was seventeen 
 years old, viz. " If she have lodged strangers ; if she have 
 brought up children ; if she have washed the saints' feet ; and 
 diligently followed after every good work," the ^Lord has 
 enabled me also to attend to. After all my wanderings, / am 
 returned to the Almighty ; and he hath built me up. Iniquity,, 
 glory be to God ! is put far from my tabernacles. My be- 
 loved nephew is brought to the Lord. My family are pious and 
 upright ; nor have I any tiling to lament under my roof, as dis- 
 pleasing to God. My prayer seems to have free access to the 
 throne, and ihe' speedy answers amaze me ! I wished for a 
 large commodious place for the people to meet in, as their 
 number greatly increases, and though it seemed impossible, it 
 is now accomplished. I wished for a hundred pounds to build 
 a meeting house at the Bank, remembering how much my dear 
 husband desired it. Laying il before ihe Lord, that word was 
 again applied, " Thou shall decree a Ihing, and it shall be esta- 
 blished unto you; and the light shall shine on your ways." I 
 subscribed thirty pounds, and have now the whole sum ready 
 before the ground is prepared to build it on. I desire nothing, 
 in earth or heaven, but for Ihe glory of God. I feel ihe Almighty 
 is my defence, and lo confirm my faith in spiritual things by 
 temporal, he does give me great plenty of silver. 
 
 The other great promise o." my life was, " Thou shall walk 
 with me in white ; I wi.U m;ikc; thee worthy." Lord, how far 
 is lhal accomplished 1 O! shine on thy poor creature, and let 
 me clearly discern and make known the work of thy hand I 
 Thou art the author of all good. 
 
 That salvation 1 experienced at Hoxton, was certainly a drop 
 from the living fountain, but I had not then a full discovery 
 of sin. Since that time, O what a depth of iniquity, what huge 
 mountains of ingratitude, have I mourned over ! I once thought 
 I could not set down on a level with the greatest outward sin- 
 ners. In repeating those lines, 
 
 " O might I as tha harlot lie, 
 At those dear feet transfuwl for me t"
 
 208 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 
 
 I have stopped and thought, I fear I am not right. I cannot 
 feel myself the chief of sinners. I cannot repent of the sins 
 which (through preventing grace) I have not committed. But, 
 alas ! the sight I have had of inbred sin ; the base departure of 
 my heart from a close waik with God ; and the depth of self 
 and pride I have there discovered, is in my eyes more dreadful 
 than outward transgression. I have sometimes looked on those 
 sinners universally despised by men, and felt in my heart that 
 I preferred them to myself, while the depth of " that carnal 
 mind which is enmity against God," struggled for the mastery. 
 In these conflicts of soul, how often have I thought, If I did but 
 know there was as great a sinner as myself before the throne, 
 who nevertheless had been here filled with the fulness of God, 
 after all that they had felt and done, it would bring a heaven 
 into my breast ! How often have I wept over those words, 
 
 " If so poor a worm as I 
 May to thy great glory live !" 
 
 I feared, though the Lord was gracious, that I must not look to- 
 be saved, except as by fire ; and that I should never bring that 
 .honour to God which my soul dosired. But now, glory be to 
 God! that fear is done away. 1 seem to have forgot myself! 
 I am wholly taken up with Jesus ! The more I look at him, 
 the more my faith increases. He applies to my heart these 
 words, " The sin of Jacob shall be sought for, and there shall 
 be none ; and the iniquity of Israel, and it shall not be found." 
 He hath shown me the way to rise above the mountains of 
 inbred sin. He hath enabled me in hope to believe against 
 hope, and so come nearer to our great pattern, "the father of 
 the faithful, who staggered not at the promises, but was strong 
 in faith, giving glory to God !* He is the author and the finish- 
 er of my faith !" Yes, he will make us worthy. I sink into 
 nothing, and look at the. Lord my righteousness, and I feel 
 those believing views are transforming views ; and the more 
 entirely I abandon myself into his hands, the more permanent 
 is my peace. 
 
 I now praise the Lord, " that where sin hath abounded, grace 
 doth much more abound." The clear light I have into the 
 mysteries of redeeming love, causes my strains of praise to run 
 the higher. Yes, they shall love him most, who have most 
 forgiven ! I do not know that I ever feel my will and affec- 
 tions depart from him. I feel a child-like simplicity ; and & 
 purity which, it seems to me, my very outward person must 
 express. Yet, I am always committing blunders, and even 
 showing roughness ; when really there is nothing but love. I 
 used to feel just the contrary. I used to strive to act as a 
 
 * O that all who feel their spirit oppressed in beholding these mountains would 
 take this way ! How Boon would th../ all sink into a plain ! ED.
 
 VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 209 
 
 Christian ; but it was a constraint ; and though, by the power 
 of God, I kept within the line, yet it was not free and natural. 
 Now I often feel, if I could be turned inside out, I should bring 
 more glory to God than I do. But that there still should be 
 these blemishes in my deportment, deeply humbles me, and for 
 inward and outward defects I cry, 
 
 " Every moment, Lord, I need 
 The merit of thy death !" 
 
 One day, lamenting before the Lord that I did not in my 
 conversation more adorn the truth, it was brought to my mind, 
 that gold must be kept in the fire till purified from all dross ; 
 and that even then it would be liable to be sullied. For that, 
 however, a rub would suffice. This was very different from 
 the purification it needed at first. I must ever be ashamed 
 before him ! And if any one ignorantly ascribes any thing to 
 me, it gives me a pain I cannot express. Yet I think that- 
 word is more exemplified in me now than when I was at Hoxi 
 ton, (though I then used the same expression in a lower mean- 
 ing) " I live not, but Christ liveth in me. 1 " I now, however, 
 discern such a vastness therein, that I am constrained to cry out, 
 
 "A point, my good, a drop, my store, 
 Eager I thirst, I pant for more !" 
 
 I am not led to speak much of my state ; I am more drawn 
 to a quiet waiting on Jesus ; but on this occasion, I feel a call 
 from the Lord to give my last testimony to his faithfulness. I 
 sit at my Saviour's feet. " I am poor and needy, but the Lord 
 careth for me!" Therefore "I am not afraid for any evil 
 tidings, for my heart standeth fast, believing in the Lord." I 
 think I discern the near approach of dissolution, and am daily 
 made sensible of decay.* But swelled legs, short breath, and 
 other morbid symptoms, give me no dreary prospect. The will 
 and order of God is my choice, in whatsoever way it manifests 
 itself. Sometimes it is suggested, that I shall be called to en- 
 dure great conflicts in death, both outward and inward. Well, 
 I have no care about it. Once I wished to be able to express 
 come joy in death, in order to encourage those I leave behind. 
 But now I see things in a different light. My life hath been a 
 life of backslidings and unfaithfulness. I know not therefore 
 what kind of death will bring most instruction to others, and 
 most glory to God. All is in his hand, and all my prayers are 
 lost in this, Father, thy will be done." I feel a blooding 
 wound from the loss of that dearest and best of men. But I 
 am conscious he is not dead ! No ; he that " believeth in Jesus 
 shall never die." And the will of God is so dear to me, I 
 rejoice it is done ; though against my tenderest feelings. He 
 
 * How true is that word, Life it yours, and de.nth is yours all shall be or- 
 dered for your good I She lived twenty-four years after this tune. ED. 
 18*
 
 210 THE LIFE OP [PART Vil- 
 
 la wise, and I kiss the rod. I admire and adore ! I have com- 
 munion with my dearest love before the throne ! He waits 
 for, he beckons me away ! I rest in the will of God ; and at 
 this moment 
 
 " Not one wave of sorrow rolls 
 Across my peaceful breast !" 
 
 I have found of late much comfort in those words, INFINITE 
 
 WISDOM ! INFINITE POWER ! INFINITE LOVE ! O my God ! 
 
 Thy infinite wisdom swallows up all my choice ! Thy infinite 
 power forbids my fear ! And thy infinite love makes all my own ! 
 And now I know this day in my heart and in my soul, that 
 " not one of the good things hath failed me, of all the Lord my 
 God hath spoken !" Therefore, looking for salvation and vic- 
 tory alone " through the blood of the Lamb, and the word of 
 our testimony," I conclude with Simeon's words, " Lord, now 
 lettest thou thy servant depart, in peace, for mine eyes have 
 seen thy salvation." 
 
 PART THE SEVENTH. 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM HER JOURNAL. 
 
 WE have now gone on with Mrs. Fletcher, from the time 
 when in early youth, she obeyed that call of God, " Come ye 
 out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and 
 touch not the unclean thing ; and I will receive you, and be a 
 father to you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the 
 Lord Almighty." We have seen her, like the great father of 
 the faithful, " go forth and follow the Lord, not knowing whither 
 she went." We have seen her pass through the wilderness 
 of cares, and fears, and somnvs, " leaning ;i'?on her beloved ;" 
 not forgetting, however, his warning voice, ' remember Lot's 
 wife." We have beheld her wading through the depths of se;f- 
 knowledge, made manifest by the law, and the painful process 
 of which is so etrik'ngly 'displayed in the seventh chapter of 
 the Epistle to the Romans. We have travailed with her in 
 birth, while she groaned oppressed with the "carnal mind, 1 ' 
 yet, thanking God, and not despairing of deliverance, " through 
 Jesus Christ our Lord." We have anticipated the victory, 
 while she " encouraged herself in the Lord her God." We 
 have seen her straggle, not in vain, till the opening heaven, 
 displayed in the eighth chapter of that glorious epistle, claimed 
 and received her whole heart! We have seen this divine pro- 
 cess continue, without any of those unscriptural abstractions, or 
 subterfuges, which have obscured or deformed "the work of
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 211 
 
 the Spirit," in other devoted souls. What remains but to see 
 if she carried her blessings through the trials of her remaining 
 years ? If she maintained the same undeviating path 1 If she 
 held fast simplicity and love in all her intercourse with her fel- 
 low creatures 1 If she continued to " deny herself daily, and 
 take up her cross"?" If she persevered to the end of her race, 
 " trusting in the Lord, doing good unto all, and especially to 
 the household of faith?" An extract from her journals, which 
 are very copious, will furnish us with a clear, and we hope, not 
 a tiresome answer to these very important questions. ED. 
 
 January 1, 1792. This has been a solemn day. At the sa- 
 crament I gave myself afresh to the Lord. At night we re- 
 newed our covenant ; my soul strove for a perfect dedication. 
 It is the last time, I suppose, that Mr. and Mrs. Home will bo 
 with us, on this occasion, which added to the solemnity*. 
 . Friday 6. A day of solemn prayer in many parts of it. 
 Yet much temptation and distraction at others. O ! how does 
 my soul long for the full union. I feel a fixed reliance on Jesus, 
 and an increasing desire after him. " O. tell me, thou whom 
 my soul loveth, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon !" 
 I long after thy jmeridian brightness. This day ten years I 
 came first to Madeley, and my dear husband led me through 
 the house. We prayed together, and gave ourselves up into 
 the hands of the Lord. What have I seen since that time 1 
 Well, blessed be the Lord, I am nearer to him, and more free 
 to serve God, both inwardly and outwardly, than I was that 
 night. But, I want to be a meet partaker with my dear, dear, 
 holy husband now in light ! I want to feel a fuller degree of 
 the spirit in which he lives f Lord, thou hast said, " Whom 
 God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." Are we 
 not still ONE ? Thou knowcst, O Lord, our union was far more 
 in the spirit than in the flesh and 
 
 ' : Can death's interposing tide, 
 line in ihoe divide V 
 
 Si^ely nc. O then make me " a partaker of the inheritance 
 of an saints in light!" 
 
 7th. Received to-day a striking conviction how careful I 
 ought to be not to expose the fault or infirmity of any one. I 
 want so to love my neighbours as to feel all their concerns \w 
 tenderly as if they were my own. When 1 err in the least from 
 this, I feel the Lord's rebuke. 
 
 12th. A day of recollection. I prayed last night, that 1 
 might not offend with my tongue all the day. I knew I should 
 be exposed to some hurrying circumstances, and I pleaded in 
 faith, that there might not come one word out of my mouth, 
 
 * Mr. Home, curate of Madeley, was then preparing to go to Sierra Leone, an 
 chaplain to that settlement. ED
 
 J12 TH* LI *"E OK [PART m- 
 
 that I could have a sorrowful thought for. And blessed be h 
 holy name, I have found a constant sense of a divine monitor, 
 warning and keeping me the whole day. Yes, thou hast an- 
 swered my prayer, glory be to thee, O Lord ! I have thia day 
 also found a sweet idea of Christ's condescending love, and 
 gentle manner in reproving his disciples. And is not his heart 
 the same in heaven 1 Yes, it is ! "He is the same yesterday, 
 to-day, and for ever." Then he does pity and bear with me t 
 Yea, his blood hath atoned for all. 
 
 " Jesus protects ; my fears begone ! 
 Who can the Rock of Ages move 1 
 Within thine arms I lay me down, 
 Thine everlasting arms of love !" 
 
 25th. Last Saturday Mr. Home and his family set out from 
 BUT house for Sierra Leone, the place of his mission in Africa. 
 For three weeks we have been a good deal taken up in helping 
 them to prepare for this great undertaking. I found much of 
 the approval of God in all we had to do, and a delight in the 
 thought, that so poor a worm can in the least contribute toward 
 what appears so much for the glory of God. The next day 
 was solemn. Mr. Gilpin kindly assisted m, and encouraged 
 us to believe we should not suffer for what we had given up in 
 obedience to God's order. His sermon was attended with 
 unction. In the afternoon he was obliged to leave us, and re- 
 turn to his own congregation. I had a meeting in our room, 
 as there was no service in the church. There was a weight 
 on my spirit. I now missed my dear husband. Our being 
 without a minister may cause many disagreeable things ; and 
 I alone feel the burden. Here is no Mr. Home, thought I, to 
 consult with. However, we had a very sweet time ! The Lord 
 was present in a more than common manner. I felt liberty and 
 freedom to speak, but we were greatly crowded. Numbers 
 went away for want of room, at which I was grieved. Lord, 
 direct us in all our ways ! 
 
 There is a good spirit in our people ; they feel the loss of 
 their minister, and yet seem resigned to the will of God. 
 
 March 4. Since the above I have passed through various 
 scenes. Our room being too small for the Sunday congrega- 
 tion, I thought it a call to go to the Dale, and believed the 
 badness of the roads were not to hinder. But the Lord has 
 been pleased to visit me with illness, and has quite confined 
 me to my room. I found much peace in the divine appoint- 
 ment. One day the doctor told me he thought my case very 
 bad ; and 1 had reason to believe I was very near my Father's 
 house. I felt all my soul acquiesce in the divine disposal ; and 
 though I had no particular joy, but rather dartg from the enemy, 
 nevertheless I felt my soul lie down as it were on the will of 
 God, as on a soft pillow. Soon after it appeared, I should for a
 
 VIK] MRS. FLETCHER. 213 
 
 time be better. All was still right. O the blessing of having 
 a God to trust to ! 
 
 I am now again enabled to attend the meetings, and I find 
 an increasing power and freedom ; but we are still without a 
 minister, which causes many difficulties. Every day, and al- 
 most every hour, things occur to make me feel afresh the want 
 of that shepherd who so naturally cared for our souls, and so 
 tenderly led this flock for such a number of years. But I feel 
 a pleasure in the cross. It is a favour, a great favour, to suffer 
 any thing for my God. A new ministry has something, awful. 
 Should it be carnal, what a pain will it be to me to see my 
 dear's pulpit so occupied ! Should he be a spiritual man, yet 
 perhaps he will not agree with the Methodist preachers, and 
 that will cause dissensions, a thing unknown at Madeley, as 
 yet. But in all I stand still, determined to be well pleased 
 with a%that the Lord provides. Should there be a disagree- 
 ment, r^jaust bear the weight on both sides. O thou great 
 Shepherd and Bishop of souls, I hang on thee ! I hide me in 
 the cleft df thy side, and as it were, wrap me in thy will ! 
 Crosses are very profitable. I have one foot in the grave, and 
 often but a rouAjftath. It reminded me of a dream I had 
 when about twenfy"-three, before my soul had lost that liberty 
 it got at Hoxton. I thought. I was looking through my breast 
 at my heart, and it appeared very smo^fe and white. Presently 
 I saw the finger of a hand with something like the blade of a 
 penknife. It began to scrape ; immediately all was rough and 
 Drown, till after a time I saw one spot like white velvet. Then 
 it was spoken to me, You must endure that circumcising knife 
 till the whole is like that spot ! There was a great change at 
 that time, and a real renewal as far as it went. But when after- 
 ward the keen and close knife was laid to, all appeared rough. 
 O, let me endure till thy whole will is done ! O, the perfect 
 atonement ! Yes, t he blood of Christ cleanseth from all sin ! 
 When a room is dark, let in the sun and it is light ! Yet there 
 is no light from the room, it is all in the sun. So the soul uniting 
 itself to Christ by faith, is made pure by that union, and kept 
 pure by the continuance of it. As I was pleading that word 
 to-day, " In this is rny Father glorified, that ye bring forth much 
 fruit," I thought, it is only union with Christ than can make 
 me fruitful. I had a glimpse of that union, and saw it was all 
 free gift. Therefore I may ask and have the fulness of the 
 Spirit ! Hallelujah ! 
 
 June 22. What cause have I to trust in the Lord ! On May 
 31st Mr. Walter came to reside. Nearly five months I had the 
 cross of being withoui a minister, but now the Lord hath pro- 
 vided one who, I trust, will prove a man after his own heart. 
 ' I have only to stand still and see his salvation in all, and my 
 spirit finds rest in ao doing. I have of late had some very
 
 214 THE LIFE OF [PART Vn, 
 
 comfortable seasons in speaking to the people, and much of 
 the presence of God. I have had a dream, from which I de- 
 rived some profit. I seemed to be assaulted by Satan. Imme- 
 diately I saw a Man at a distance, partly covered with a cloud. 
 He seemed to take no notice of me for a long time ; at last he 
 came up to me. As he drew near, Satan fell back. The Man 
 laid his hand on my arm, and said, " Be strong." On which 
 I felt a strength go through me I cannot describe. He then 
 returned to the same spot, and seemed to take no more notice 
 of me. After a time the enemy came again, and struggled 
 hard with me. I often looked toward the Alan, but he ap- 
 peared to take no notice. When my strength was almost 
 gone, I raised my left hand and weakly put it against the enemy, 
 saying, The Lord Jesus bruise thec beneath my feet from 
 this time for ever ! upon which he fell flat to the ground. The 
 Man behind the cloud then said, " Do you hear thatl*Do you 
 all witness it ?" To which a great number of voiyf, as in a 
 musical note, answered, We do ! we do ! we do ! They 
 seemed above me, around me, and on every side ! And their 
 voices were so loud the sound awoke me. It seemed to point 
 out to me two great truths. First, Tha^Ahose times when 
 the Lord appears not to answer as my sour could wish, I am 
 still to see him as looking upon me, and equally trust him when 
 he does or does not ^teak. Secondly, That we are contin- 
 ually in the sight of the eternal world. Indeed this I always 
 knew ; but I feit it more deeply impressed. I seem peculiarly 
 conscious of the presence of the heavenly host, and would act, 
 think, and speak, with the deepest reverence. 
 
 August 16, Thursday. On Tuesday last was the anniver- 
 sary of my dear husband's death. Seven years have passed 
 since that awful scene. Seven years has he been in glory ! 
 And I, a poor mournful widow walking below through my pil- 
 grimage alone. But what mercies have I seen in tiiose seven 
 years ! O, had I at first known I should have stayed so long 
 here, it would have looked very sad. But I feel more and more 
 we are to live the present moment, and I find help and strength 
 is given for every hour. It was a solemn but good day to me. 
 My husband seemed unspeakably dear and near to me ; but 
 the love of the will of God kept me all day above every painful 
 feeling. 
 
 September 12. This summer I have been much called to 
 speak in the name of the Lord, and such a way has been made 
 for me, as to weather and conveyance, and various circum- 
 stances, that it fully convinced me I have no need of care. O, 
 how sweet is that command, " Cast thy burden upon the Lord, 
 and he will sustain thee !" I do not know also that ever I feh. 
 such help and liberty from the Lord in all my life, as I have 
 done in speaking this year, both winter and summer, at home
 
 *ART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 215 
 
 and abroad. It is a cross to the flesh, but, glory be to thee, 
 thy light doth shine on my ways. 
 
 This day I am fifty-three years old. O that I may from this 
 day begin a new life ! Once more we are free from company ; 
 and I am led to give myself more abundantly to private prayer. 
 Since we have been alone, a deep conviction has rested on my 
 mind of the shortness of time, ad how little longer I may 
 retain any degree of health. Therefore I determined to seek 
 for an increase of the Spirit to unitt me more to himself, as he 
 sees good, so I may but glorify him. I seem to be threatened 
 with a cancer, and rather seemed b shrink at the prospect. 
 But it may be the answer of my owi prayer ; and I still say, 
 Only make me holy ! 
 
 October 4. I was led this morniig to offer up my whole 
 self to God. First, My body, for an^ suffering he saw good. 
 I leave it all to him. If any means aj; to be used, I believe 
 the Lord will himself direct what sh-11 be done. Secondly, 
 My reputation, to be esteemed or depised. Thirdly, My 
 substance, to be continued or withhelt Fourthly, My soul. 
 1 commit it altogether to the Lord. H> knows I want to be 
 fully saved ; and ^vill consider it as mj one business. Lord, 
 get thyself glory *on me ! The other norning I was awaked 
 by those words powerfully impressed, 
 
 " O glorious seat, thou God oufr Kng, 
 Shalt thither bring our willing fit!" 
 
 Last night those words were precious, ' With favour will 1 
 encompass them as with a shield." My spirit seems to long 
 for a closer communion. I have thought on those words, 
 " If any man love me he will keep my wcrds, and my Father 
 will love him, and we will come unto him, md make our abode 
 with him." I see I must apply myself mere to " do the will 
 of God," watching each word and thought, md taking up every 
 cross with cheerfulness. 
 
 October 12. I have been reading over vith deep attention, 
 the Life of Mr. David Brainerd. O, whit a deep searching 
 book have I found it ! Many times bebre have I read it 
 through, but never so entered into the sprit of it as now. He 
 observes, It was always his heaven to do .he will of God, from 
 his first conviction; and he could neve' rest, but in doing 
 something for the Lord, even when dfath wa a upon him ! 
 Lord, make me to be of that mind ! To aave our happiness in 
 doing and suffering the will of God, is indeed the strongest 
 assurance the soul can have of future glory. For, can any 
 thing separate God's will from himself! Neither life nor 
 death can then divide the soul ffom his eternal presence. 
 Glory be to God, I feel some little (neasure of this spirit. My 
 delight is, that the Lord reigneth, and my rest is in his will. 
 AB I was thinking the other day, perhaps I may be called to
 
 516 THE LIFE OF [PART VII, 
 
 have the cancer cut out of my breast, perhaps out of both, as 
 there is pain in the other, and formed the idea of the hand- 
 kerchief tied over my eyes, and my arms bound to the chair. 
 As I was offering myself up to the will of God, I felt those 
 words applied, " I am ready not only to be bound, but to die 
 for the Lord Jesus." 
 
 On Monday morning I ha^ a peculiar sweetness on my spirit 
 in meeting the people ; and it night I read and spoke from the 
 21st of Matthew. It was i good time, and some souls were 
 blest. On the Tuesday, bang our intercession, I do not know 
 when I have found such liferty. The Lord was very present, 
 and a deep solemnity reaed on the congregation ; some of 
 whom have since told nW the Lord wrought much on them 
 that night. Blessed be aod, he still gives me to bear his 
 message to the people. & that my little remaining strength 
 and time may all be dev/ted to him. Yet I have of late been 
 much tried with such a Jtupor upon me in the morning, that I 
 cannot rise till near alven o'clock. This pains me much. 
 Lord, make me more ictive in thy work ! I have since ob- 
 served some answer tl prayer, with regard to rising in the 
 morning ; Lord, give np to persevere ! 
 
 November 1. Theuord give me to abouml in charity as to 
 the outward act ! Bit where is the difficulty of being so, 
 when the Lord hath /nade my cup to run over 1 If ever my 
 charity was great, it ras when I had little, expecting a prison 
 for myself, while I ws helping others. Yet at that time I am 
 not sure it was cheerfully done ; a necessity seemed laid 
 upon me. But now though I give much, and am much em- 
 ployed for the poor, yet I fear I do not save all I might for 
 them out of what is /pent on my worthless self. How has the 
 Lord appeared for pe ! Another's grace, another's wisdom, 
 another's managenfint ! My father's and husband's money 
 all devoted to rny service ! all gathered together to serve me ! 
 While these thoughts came rolling over my mind, those words 
 presented themselves, " When I sent you without purse or 
 script, lacked ye any thing 1 And they said, Nothing." 
 
 November 13, Tuesday. Yesterday concluded eleven years 
 since my dear husband and I were made one. It was a solemn 
 day to iije. I strove to renew my marriage covenant with the 
 Lord ; but it was a lay of gloom ; I had no near access. 
 Much of it was employed among the people, as Monday usually 
 is. In the morning meeting 1 had some liberty, and more at 
 night, while reading and speaking on the 12th of the Hebrews. 
 
 December 1. I was much encouraged in considering, that 
 it is the office of Jesus tc " baptize with the Holy Ghost." 
 How is it we so neglect to ook for the fulfilment of that office 
 of our Lord ! Did he not say, " He that believeth on me, out 
 of his belly ehall flow rivers of living water? And this b*
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 217 
 
 pake of the Spirit," which they who believe on him were to 
 receive. This gift of the Holy Ghost is therefore the very 
 tiling believers are to look for. No matter what they call it, 
 a clean heart, salvation from evil tempers, purity, or what they 
 will, it makes no difference. There is a baptism of the Spirit 
 for believers to receive, and which I have had a taste of; but 
 I want the fulness. The Lord is faithful, it shall come. Yes, 
 I see it, I come near it, I feel a touch of it while writing ; yet 
 my faith wants a farther lift. Lord, it must be all thy own 
 doing ! 
 
 December 2. I was talking yesterday with one who told 
 me many were much alarmed about the nation. That inflam- 
 matory papers were throwing about among the army, and it is 
 feared they will raise among them such a spirit as reigns in 
 those of France. I was led to consider that and various other 
 things which appeared to me as signs of the times. At night 
 I felt much liberty in pleading for our good king, and that God 
 would restrain the evil ones, who are striving to raise a spirit 
 of ingratitude and rebellion in our nation. I felt comfort in 
 my old word, " The Lord reigneth !" 
 
 Decerftber 11. This has been on the whole a good day. I 
 cannot say I have found so much liberty in the times of family 
 prayer as I usually have ; but in the five times of my private ' 
 approaches to the Lord I think I have each time had a greater 
 degree of it. 
 
 December 16, Sunday. My spirit pants after God! O 
 Lord, glorify thyself upon me ; this is what I long for, and pray 
 for. I seem like a poor beggar waiting at mercy's door ; oft 
 full of hope, and then again the door seems shut. I want the 
 spirit of prayer. I want also a more self-denying spirit. Last 
 night 1 dreamed my dear husband wrote a line for me to read. 
 I took up the paper witli desire, and read " Those who closely 
 follow Jesus Christ can discern the mark of the thorn in his 
 steps." As soon as I was dressed, I lighted a candle, and 
 opened the Bible to read, when I cast my eyes on those words, 
 "Seeing Christ hath suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves alt-o 
 with the same mind." I see it. If I would Christ, 
 
 I must know my path by that very mark. A . ' <'ath to 
 
 my own will. Lord, show me how to walk f mo a 
 
 steady power to rise tlfe very moment the alarungoes off. To 
 watch against sloth all day, and to use more abstemiousness ia 
 my food. I believe this would be good both for souLn^d body ; 
 and I have asked it of the Lord, that Sally may see it in thr 
 right light, and not fret and be unhappy when I do not taKC 
 what she thinks I ought. This is oft a mighty hinderance to 
 me in little mortifications which I would use. I am quite clear 
 "I have no right to hurt my body. I am not, I think, in any 
 danger of that. But often self-denial promotes health. I hope 
 UP
 
 218 THE LIFE OF |>RT Vlf. 
 
 to begin to-morrow,-a day which we had set apart to pray for 
 the nltion, and for the children on whom the Lord had begur 
 to work. I propose to keep a watch over my appetite each 
 day, and this indeed the Lord hath already given me ; but to 
 this I would add a shadow (for I cannot call it more) of a fasi 
 twice a week. On Mondays arid Fridays I would omit butter 
 in the morning, eating dry bread, and as ^\**** 
 without sugar. For dinner, water gruel, with salt and pepper, 
 and as onother days, tea for my supper -Th,s cannot tart 
 my health, and may be a kind of remembrancer that there 
 
 8U F h ebruary ^1793.-The watch-night, the last evening of the 
 year, and the intercession, the first of this year, were both 
 favoured with much of the presence of God, and some souls 
 were a .rood deal stirred up. Blessed be the Lord, the work 
 does not cease. How melancholy did our situation appear 
 when Mr. Home was called away! But we are comfortably 
 provided for in a minister. O, how good it is to stand still, 
 S commit all our ways to God ! This day my spmt has been 
 waiting on the Lord, and enabled to keep in his presence 
 
 March 20 This morning I felt a power to ask thft I might 
 be kept from grieving the Hdy Spirit all the day I knew there 
 ' wouMbe mudi hurry and many distractions. Glory be to my 
 God' I found Jesus a sweet refuge, anf,a freedom trom all 
 confusion or hurry of thought all the day The presence of 
 the Lord keeps all in peace. This day I have experienced 
 afresh the fulfilment of my former promise of haying plenty of 
 silver. Among other things I have, had some singular oppor- 
 tunities of helping the church and the poor, each in small por- 
 tions. Oh '. how can I praise the Lord sufficiently for such an 
 lulcrence ! What numbers of his dear children am I enabled 
 to assist! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within 
 me, bless his holy name ! . 
 
 March 26. This morning having some pamtul thoughts 
 respecting the cancer, I carried them to the Lord. A sweet 
 calm came over my spirit. I could freely offer up all to God. 
 He knows, if I saw my way clear, I am ready every hour tc 
 submit to the operation. While I waited in calm and peaceful 
 resignation, that word occurred to my mind, " Can there be 
 evifin the city, and the Lord hath not done it ? I said, No ! 
 it is all in his hand. It can rise no higher than he pleases. 
 . thought, also, If my dear husband was with me, and had power 
 over the complaint, should I be under any concern about it. 
 answered No, I should not. My tender partner would direct 
 and help me through all. Well, said my heart, my heavenly 
 Bridegroom is more powerful, more loving, more present, th 
 the dearest human friend can be. I have nothing to do but 
 stand still, and he will instruct me in the way I should go. 1
 
 ART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 219 
 
 have his own promise, all shall work together for my good. 
 Even my mistake, if I am under one respecting this disease, 
 all shall be for good. I am alone, and have none to direct me. 
 Therefore, I give up all to my Lord ! and as we order for an 
 infant, so will he order all for me. Whatever is his choice is 
 mine. 
 
 April 1. Yesterday, being Easter Sunday, I felt a desire to 
 give up all my concerns into the hands of God, by a fresh dedi- 
 cation of myself to him at his table. I was much troubled the 
 night before with a suggestion, that I ought to have the cancer 
 cut out, and that I shpuld see it so, by and by. I ventured to 
 pray that if it were the will of God that I should stand still and 
 wait on him, he would give me a peculiar blessing on the 
 morrow. My prayer was graciously heard. So comfortable a 
 Sabbath I have not had for years. I gave up soul and body 
 into the Lord's hand, with a firm confidence that he would 
 order for me, as a tender husband for a wife ; and when I went 
 to the table I was enabled to consider it as the seal of our mu- 
 tual covenant, and my faith has ever since found an increase. 
 The marks of death seem to be upon me, and they are a great 
 blessing ! I seem continually called to offer myself up as in 
 martyrdom ; and so many sweet promises come before me, 
 assuring rne of -the tender care of my Lord, that I sometimes 
 think never was a^eature so safe and so happy. 
 
 April 4. Rcfle<Jf|ng this morning on the various ways in 
 which differc: express themselves concerning sancti- 
 
 fication, or what is called Christian perfection, I was led to 
 think, May it not be thus expressed, I feel a degree of faith 
 which continually unites me to God, through the atoning blood. 
 " I abide in Christ," through whom I am always accepted, and 
 I feel nothing contrary to love. Yea, I am far from what I 
 ought to be ; and I obey with joy my Lord's admonition, 
 " When ye have done all, say, I am an unprofitable servant." 
 Being taken into Christ, as a drop of water into the ocean, I 
 lose myself in him, and find in him my all for time and for 
 eternity ! Now a measure of this state 1 do feel ; and I feel 
 strong drawings to expect a clearer fellowship, a throwing 
 open the everlasting doors of my soul, and a more powerful 
 entrance of the King of glory ! 
 
 Saturday 6. I went this morning to see a sick family lately 
 come into the town, and ill of a putrid fever, of which the father 
 died. O, how dark did I find all those who were recovered ! 
 The various places I called at yielded little satisfaction till we 
 came to D. The girl was just on the point of marriage wit! 
 a pious young man, and every way to her advantage. But in- 
 stead of this, she is now brought to death's door by a painful 
 and dangerous disorder. She told me she did not find her 
 inclination at all to this world ; that she had much rather die
 
 220 THE LIFE OF [PART VII / 
 
 than live. She added, " How good is the Lord in all he does f 
 The apothecary gives me better medicines to do me good, and 
 I love him for it, though he may mistake and do me harm. But 
 God cannot mistake, and shall I not love him? O, he keeps 
 my mind so quiet, I can leave all unto him. Sometimes I have 
 great temptations, and reason whether I have not brought it all 
 on myself, by taking too hard a place." I observed, But you 
 went there believing it to be for the best? " Yes," she replied, 
 " and the Lord soon comforts me again, if such thoughts come. 
 The other night I dreamed I was dead. I thought 1 was look- 
 ing down on tnis bed, and said, There is.the spot on which my 
 crown was brightened, and I have not had one pain too much; 
 arid so I shall say when I get to glory." Her words were 
 exceedingly animating to me. When she first met with me 
 among the children, I always observed her deep attention. O, 
 how she has grown in grace ! 
 
 May 14. The first Sunday of this month I was at the Dale. 
 We had a crowded house ; but I felt such liberty, both of mind 
 and voice, as I but seldom remember to have had. I spoke 
 near an hour from that word, " They shall ask their way to 
 Zion, with their faces thitherward." In the last meeting we 
 had great liberty, blessed be the Lord ! On Monday night I 
 found also uncommon freedom at our home meeting, and the 
 congregation was very large. Tuesday's class was also good ; 
 but from that time I have been laid up with pains in my head, 
 face, and all over me, attended with a slight fever. During this 
 season I have been led to consider what numerous mercies I 
 am surrounded with ! My cup runs over. Though I have not 
 that near access to my Goo I long for, yet I do feel such safety, 
 such confidence in his love, that I am, in the midst of all, ena- 
 bled still to say and feel, 
 
 " One only care my soul shall snow. 
 Father, all thy commands to do." 
 
 July 1. Last night a man called, whose daughter lies in this 
 infectious fever which has carried off so many. He said she 
 desired to see Sally, as she was much distressed in her soul, 
 and it was too far off for me to go there. Sally asked me what 
 she should do? Finding her own mind quite free to it as the 
 call of God, I felt it come near, for she is my greatest conso- 
 lation, next to God, and 'useful as a right hand.^ I looked up, 
 and felt the power of these words, " The Kairs of your head 
 are all rumbered." I said in my heart, If the Lord should have 
 appointed to take her from me by this mean, shall I say to him, 
 What doest thou ? No, I will cling to that word, " Thy will 
 be done on earth as it is done in heaven." It was suggested, 
 you lost your husband by a putrid fever ; perhaps Sally may be <. 
 taken also by it. But shall I refuse her devoting her life to the 
 glory of God ? Shall I hold back the dearest thing I have upoa
 
 PART V1I.J MRS. FLETCHER. 221 
 
 earth from Jesus, who gave himself for me 1 My soul cried 
 out, No, my Lord, my Saviour, no ! I offer up every Isaac to 
 thy will. She went and found the woman under a concern for 
 her soul. All consequences I leave to my God. 
 
 I am amazed how free my mind is from care ! Those things 
 which used to burden me, are now as nothing. I have learned 
 to stand still, and Jesus, my adorable Saviour, takes care of all. 
 
 August 14. This has been a solemn day. And is it indeed 
 eight years since my dearest husband went to glory 1 What 
 a night was that to me ! I was at this hour waiting at his bed 
 side, with my eyes immovably fixed upon his dear, calm, peace- 
 ful, dying countenance. I have this day gone through the 
 scene ; but glory be to God, in a different manner than when 
 we seemed on the point of separation. Yea, already parted, 
 for he could not show any sensibility toward me. But this day 
 it has been constantly on my mind, as if we thought, and did 
 all together. Yes, thou dear spirit, well didst thou say to me 
 in that dream, " I am not dead, I live !" Yes, thou dost live ; 
 and I have no doubt hast helped me this day to feel an uncom- 
 mon peace, such as I sometimes have felt when dreaming, and 
 having, in a peculiar manner, a sense of the presence of 
 heavenly spirits. There are seasons w,hen the mind joining 
 itself to the Lord, and abiding in that posture, feels a kind of 
 anticipation of the blissful union enjoyed in the realms of light, 
 and has communion, more or less sensible, with the spirits 
 before the throne. Some faint touches of this I have felt this 
 day. At my first waking in the morning, my soul cried to the 
 Lord, that it might be 'indeed a day of consecration and dedi- 
 cation of all my powers to that God, whose I am, and whom I 
 desire perfectly to serve. 
 
 December 21. My soul has for some days been in a pecu- 
 liar exercise. O Lord, keep me from every snare, and never 
 let me be drawn into any thing but according to thy will ! I 
 wish to help souls, and to obey thy order ; but in so doing it is 
 hard to avoid many things disagreeable. Lord, give me a fuller 
 plunge into thyself, that my conversation may be always in 
 heaven ! And the desire to please, or fear of contempt, remove 
 far from me U O for a single eye fixed alone on God ! 
 
 The lump in my breast is removed, in a wonderful manner, 
 in answer to prayeV ! I could not find freedom to use any of 
 the things I was advised to, only the goose-grasd juice, a quarter 
 of a pint twice a day. After some months, the upper lump 
 became less, and is now quite gone, as far as I can perceive ! 
 nor do I find now any pain in either. Glory be to God ! 
 
 May 7,*1794. I had some encouragement in prayer last 
 
 night and this morning ; and I was led to plead that my soul 
 
 might be filled with the Spirit, that my tongue; being touched 
 
 with the fire of heavenly love, might be enabled to plead the 
 
 19*
 
 222 THE LIFE OF (PART VII- 
 
 cause of truth in a different manner to that which it now 
 doth. 
 
 We have been encouraged in seeing some souls brought in. 
 G. M., for whom we have long waited, sometimes with hope, 
 sometimes with fear, has now found the Lord most clearly. O 
 what a change does grace make ! She is indeed a new crea- 
 ture ; and her mouth is open in his praise who hath brought 
 her out of darkness into his marvellous light. 
 
 June 4. What answers to prayer have I seen of late ! My 
 gracious Lord seems to count each hair indeed. When I was 
 at the Dale again last Sunday he gave such a liberty in speak- 
 ing as I have seldom experienced. The congregation was very 
 large. As I entered the chapel, the heat was almost ready to 
 beat me back. When. I had got through to my seat, the sun 
 lay on it, and there were but a few small openings to admit 
 air. One of these is by my seat, but I observed no air come 
 in that way. It appeared as if my voice must be lost with the 
 heat. I looked to the Lord, and said, My Father, turn the air 
 this way, if thou seest good ! The time being come, I began 
 giving out the hymn, and forgot my prayer. But as I was just 
 ready to faint, such a fine breath of fresh air came in as quite 
 revived me. Then I. recollected what I had asked. The next 
 two lines which I had to give out were, 
 
 " For our Shepherd and King, 
 Cares much for his sheep." 
 
 -O how my heart went with the words, and set to its seal that 
 they were true ! Contrary to what is usual with me, I was an 
 hour and three quarters. My strength held out and the dear 
 people, though violently crowded, stood like wax work ; and 
 many wished the service had been longer. 
 
 An affair which perplexed my mind, I find quite removed by 
 prayer. I can do nothing but in that way. O my Lord, did 
 ever a soul feel more of that word, Without me ye can do 
 nothing ? But I wait for a revelation of Jesus Christ hi my 
 soul more full and strong than I ever had. 
 
 June 10. While I was this morning speaking to a back- 
 slider, I had such a sight of the narrow way, as greatly ani- 
 mated my soul. I see there is no way to keep 'life and com- 
 munion with God, but by strictly adhering to the words of St. 
 Paul, " I am determined to know nothing among you, but Jesus 
 Christ, and him crucified." There must be a shutting the door 
 of the soul against any thing else ; not only sin, but any care 
 or meddling with what we are not called to attend unto. 
 
 August 1. I feel my health decline. This very hot summer 
 affects me exceedingly. My legs swell greatly, unless con. 
 stantly bound with many yards of flannel. I am very weak, 
 and my breath very short. Yet I am enabled to keep all mj 
 meetings both abroad and at home, and have found the Lord
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 223 
 
 much with me all the summer in this respect. He gives roe 
 out strength for my day. Some remarkable providences have 
 happened lately. I think them worth preserving. A short 
 time since a man and his wife, who lived near some of our 
 good brethren, were by them oft invited to the preaching that 
 has been lately established in that place ; but they turned it off, 
 saying, they had something better to do. When the Bridge- 
 north races came on, they were preparing to go. R. W. then 
 reminded them of their plea against hearing the word, that 
 " They must mind their work, and had something better to do." 
 But the man said they were determined to go, and have two 
 good days there. In the first day he got so heated that on the 
 second he came home in a fever, and died the day following ! 
 How little did he think, when setting off for the races, that he 
 had not three days to live ! 
 
 Another awful judgment was as follows : A young man was 
 working with brother Williams in the Forge. He swore in a 
 dreadful manner. Williams reproved him, urging the destruc- 
 tion such a conduct would bring upon him. He turned all into 
 ridicule, saying he was a match for the devil. Presently after, 
 he went to the ale house and got drunk. He then got into a 
 wagon which was going his way. As he sat on the side, he 
 fell backwards, and was taken up dead ! O, the little day of 
 life, how eminently precious ! 
 
 August 14. Nine years this day my dear love has been in 
 glory ! But I have seen much of mercy in this time, and have 
 learned more abundantly to trust in the Lord. All convinces 
 me, in a deeper and deeper manner, of that truth, All my ways 
 are in his hand, and he directs my paths. Though my dear 
 husband seems as dear to rne as ever, yet I can praise the Lord 
 for full resignation. Reflecting the other day on the manner I 
 was affected at the awful season of his death,*! could not but 
 see in it cause of praise. Though his life or death was the 
 closest thing under the heaven to me, yet each day and hour of 
 that most solemn week, I could never once ask his life, without 
 adding, Thy will, thy will be done .' 
 
 August 22. I grow very poorly in body. My tabernacle 
 seems taking down. I feel an almost constant fever, with great 
 confusion and dizziness in my head. I can scarcely do any 
 business ; and the writing a letter seems to affect me strangely. 
 In this state I have been some months, so that the least exer- 
 tion wearies me, and gives me pain all over. Yet when the 
 hour of meeting, whether of people or children, comes, I am 
 enabled to. get through the duty, and sometimes with uncoro- 
 ' mon power ! Glory be to God ! My nights also are very rest- 
 less, yet I get some sleep, and am not in any violent pain. Mj 
 .Lord does all things well. 
 ' September 12. This day, if my dear husband had lived, bo
 
 224 THE LIFE Of [PART Vlf- 
 
 would have been sixty-five years old, and I am fifty-five. I 
 have lived more than half a century. Lord, to what purpose ? 
 1 know the Lord is still graciously working in my soul. I feel 
 a more constant going out after God. My spiritual senses 
 seem more awake, and yet I never found it harder to pray 
 when on my knees ! The resistance of principalities and 
 powers, I have been made particularly acquainted with. In- 
 deed it is a narrow way. With regard to outward things, I 
 see nothing but mercy, miracles of mercy ! Every thing 
 appears so in the hand of God as I cannot express. Even the 
 smallest occurrence on my affairs seems directed of God ! I 
 wished, or rather thought, if the room could be enlarged, it 
 would be a blessing. And, now, on account of the church 
 being taken down, the wardens, in order to accommodate the 
 parish, are enlarging it, for the Sunday service to be there. 
 By this means the meeting will be enlarged without any ex- 
 pense to me.* 
 
 September 30. I found this morning, while at prayer with 
 the family, and with the work people who were taking up the 
 potatoes, that the Lord was present. I felt him so. At the 
 t ime of morning prayer in private, I had also an unusual liber- 
 ty. I then had a foreign letter to write, in which I sensibly 
 felt the help of my gracious Lord. He rendered some things 
 easy which were in themselves difficult. O Jesus, thou art 
 made unto us wisdom ! It appears to me. and experience 
 confirms it, that it is peculiarly pleasing to the Lord, that we 
 should look up to him for help in the least things as freely as 
 the greatest. He who numbers every hair, will lead us as a 
 child is led by its mother, and carried in her arms over every 
 difficult path. 
 
 December 5. My soul has been much drawn out lately, to 
 ask a close \iwlk with God ; more brokenness of heart, and a 
 clearer sight of my utter helplessness. I have found this week, 
 that several souls have been blest. I seem the only dry fleece. 
 The Lord has been pleased that I should suffer some humilia- 
 tions, which always do me good ; yet he is much with me in 
 speaking in his name. This.morning, as we were rising, Sally 
 told me what a sweet dream she had in the night. She 
 thought she was meeting the people, and while at prayer, she 
 was so overwhelmed with the power of God, and had such a 
 sense of the Divine Trinity entering into, and purifying her 
 soul, that she said in her heart, This is the baptism of the 
 Spirit which hath purified my heart from ail sin ! And such 
 a light shone in her soul, cs seemed to bear a clear witness 
 thereto. She thought, I will tell the people, that they may 
 glorify God. Immediately it was suggested, No, stay till you 
 
 * Henry the Fourth, of France, used to say to his great and faithful minister, 
 "Sully, iniBd nay business, and I will mind yours." ED.
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 225 
 
 have got through the trials which are before you. She an- 
 swered, No ; I will glorify him now; and in earnestly pressing 
 the people to seek the same liberty, .she awoke. I can never 
 enough bless and praise the Lord for the great favour he hath 
 done me in this dear young woman. She is niece to my 
 honoured friend, Mrs. Ryan ; and truly she partakes of her 
 spirit, and her whole soul seems to be engaged in the work. 
 This has been a day of recollection. I have felt my want, and 
 followed after God ; and, I think, have found in some sense, 
 each thought brought into subjection unto Christ. 
 
 December 24. Many mercies have I seen of late. Some 
 circumstances 01 expense occurred, and immediately some in- 
 crease of necessitous objects followed. I felt this to be a 
 weight. When Sally, or myself, visited the poor, and beheld 
 great straits, we were sometimes constrained to withhold help, 
 because my calculation would not allow it, though I had cut 
 off what expense I could, according to my best light. This I 
 therefore laid before the Lord, and felt thoroughly content, 
 either to help or not, as should be most for his glory. In a 
 few days I received a letter from my brother witli a proposal 
 BO to dispose of a part of my money, as was likely to raise me 
 several additional pounds this year. One called also and pro- 
 mised the payment of five guineas, which I had quite given up 
 for loss. In a variety of little incidents, I have discerned such 
 a guiding hand of Providence as hourly confirms the truth of 
 that word, " The hairs of your head are all numbered." 
 
 April 7, 1795. Glory be to God ! He hath been working 
 on some souls of late ; and I see a spirit of mighty prayer 
 poured on one in particular. Yet it seems as if Satan was 
 striving to bring hinderances among us. Some things, I fear, 
 will cause offence ; in particular this child, whom the Lord 
 hath certainly blest in a wonderful manner. Lord, keep out. 
 all wrong spirits, I beseech thee ! I know the wisdom of 
 men cannot comprehend thy work ; but let no real enthusiasm 
 enter ! Keep us steady and firm, resting only on the sure 
 foundation. 
 
 Some days ago, I called on Mrs. Yate.* We had a close 
 and comfortable conversation. She told me she had for some 
 months had a very sweet and solid rest ; and all her words in 
 the class had expressed the same. She had been long very 
 poorly, but she had strove to bear up under it without com- 
 plaint. She now felt her strength fail, and had an almost 
 continual pain in her right side. Her peace, however, con- 
 tinued, and she could leave all to the Lord. She farther 
 
 * Mrs. Yale was daughter of the late Nathaniel Gilbert, Esq., speaker of the 
 house of assembly in the island of Antigua. H was .an intimate friend of Mr. 
 Wesley, and the first preacher of the Gospel to the negroes in the West Indies, 
 // endured that cross, despising the shame. ED.
 
 326 THE LIFE OP [PART VII. 
 
 observed, That she had for some time found such a full sense 
 of the all-sufficiency of God, as she could not express. Shortly 
 after, as she was one night lying awake, she felt a powerful 
 application of that word, "Cast thy burden on the Lord, and 
 he will sustain thee." In a day or two more, she was confined 
 to her bed, the fever strong, the pain in her side severe, and 
 oft forced to rise in the bed to breathe. In this situation she 
 had been several nights ; and this morning she has been con- 
 firming to me what she had already observed, That the Lord 
 kept her every moment. I have (said she) never found a 
 shadow of impatience. I can neither eat nor sleep, but 1 have 
 no desire for either. My strength goes fast, but I feel myself 
 perfectly content with all the Lord's dispensations. I used to 
 feel great fear of death, but I have not any of it now ; and the 
 thought of leaving my children, whom I so much desire to bring 
 up for the Lord, used to fill me with much pain. But I feel 
 Ftrangely free, and can with confidence put them in the Lord's 
 hand, and leave them there ! Her words were to me refreshing 
 and animating. I can bear witness what a pattern of tender 
 conscience and meek submission she has been. She is now 
 better, and I trust will be spared to us a little longer. 
 
 May 22. I had a sweet lesson from the Lord this morning. 
 I was inquiring why I did not hold the blessing of sanctification 
 more steadily ] and it seemed that the Lord answered me, 
 That it was because I forgot the observation I have so often 
 made to the people, of the rattlesnake and the squirrel. She 
 looks at the rattlesnake, till through fear she drops into his 
 mouth.* So when my soul is striving to abide in Jesus, under 
 eome peculiar trials, a temptation to discouragement presents 
 itself; I look at it arid grow discouraged. Instead of that, I 
 ought " to reckon myself dead unto sin, and alive unto right- 
 eousness." In so doing, I should "resist the devil, who would 
 noon flee from me." Also, I clearly saw, that I should watch 
 in conversation, and never contradict, unless for conscience' 
 sake ; remembering that command, " Let your gentleness be 
 known unto all men," as carrying that consciousness, " The 
 Lord is at hand." 
 
 June 24. Glory be to God ! I have experienced many very 
 particular answers to prayer of late. For some time past I 
 saw it the call of God that I should go out every Sunday to the 
 Wood and the Dale alternately for a time. I feared the heat 
 of the houses, but the Lord took care for that. If the weather 
 was ever so hot in the week, it was always cool on the Sabbath. 
 Blessed be the Lord, he was with us of a truth, and I expe- 
 rienced both inward and outward help beyond my expectation. 
 
 August 14. Ten years this day I have been a widow. Last 
 night I found liberty in pleading with the Lord for the fulfilment 
 * The illustration is good, whatever becomes of the fact ED.
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 227 
 
 of my dear love's last prayer, "Head of the church, be head to 
 my wife ;" and this day I have been renewing my covenant 
 with the Lord, to be wholly at his disposal. To abandon my 
 whole self, body, soul, and spirit, with every concern for time 
 and eternity, into his hand. Often I have done this, but on this 
 day I peculiarly love to renew the solemn dedication. J have 
 found a deeper view than ever into the sinfulness of sin, I 
 mean what an aggravated burden my sins added to the suffer- 
 ings of my Redeemer ! Those words, " Ye are not your own, 
 ye are bought with a price," were impressed on my mind. 
 Then I thought on that word also, " They to whom much is 
 forgiven, shall love much :" and I had some power to claim 
 that abundant love my spirit so pants after. But I discerned 
 so many blemishes in all I have ever done, said, or thought, 
 that I was forced to look to my great Sacrifice. There I could 
 see infinite perfection. "It pleased the Father, that in him 
 should all fulness dwell." Casting my eyes on the Bible open 
 before me, it presented the cure of Naaman. I was led from 
 that to consider, how easy it was with the Lord to perform as 
 perfect a cure on my soul as on Naaman's body ! 
 
 September 12. Had a good time this morning in prayer. 
 Afterward in reading the account of Prudence Wuliams, (Ma- 
 gazine, vol. 12,) I was much struck to think how the power of 
 God was seen in her great salvation. In the bloom of youth 
 a good husband, whom she had been happy with for one year 
 a fine boy likely to live affectionate relations every thing 
 to hold her here ; and yet with what noble freedom did she 
 leave all, preferring her heavenly Beloved to every earthly joy ! 
 It brought to my mind a word given me the other day in prayer, 
 The glory of the Lord shall arise upon them, and his glory 
 shall be seen upon them. This day I am fifty-six. O Lord, 
 how little of thy glory has been yet seen upon me ! O, let my 
 remaining life be spent to thy praise ! 
 
 21. We began the Monday meetings again this mdrning, 
 which had been stopped a few weeks on account of the women 
 being in the harvest. Blessed be God, they have not lost as 
 much as I feared they would. In this the Lord hath heard 
 prayer indeed. B. T. spoke sweetly ; her words animated my 
 soul. And B. B. observed in a very lively manner, what a 
 difference she found between this and former harvests, and 
 plainly described the fruit of the new creature. She was as- 
 tonished to think what unthankfulness she used to feel. But, 
 said she, every bit I picked up this year, seemed so to come 
 from the Lord ! and her heart overflowed with praise and 
 thanksgiving. Poor Jane also gave good proof of a iiiighty 
 change, though a few months ago an open sinner ! 
 
 October 8. The Lord has been in a very particular way 
 showing me the depth of iniquity which hath been in all my
 
 228 THE LIFE OF [*ART VII. 
 
 life.* O, what a scene ! the heights of folly, and the depths 
 of selfishness ! What did my Jesus bear for me ! Yes, he hath 
 borne it all. He hath made a full and perfect sacrifice for me ! 
 I can come to him as my full atonement. But I cannot bring 
 him that glory I would, without a fuller change. I seem to 
 have a hold of God more firm and steadfast, and a great ex- 
 pectation from his mere mercy. He hath done the work indeed 
 for me, and I believe he will do it in me. So I shall become 
 the "little child, to whom it is the Father's good pleasure to 
 give the kingdom." 
 
 Last night our tickets were renewed. It was a very solemn 
 time. We had four new members. Mr. Baldwin preached 
 on "Are there few that be. saved !" He showed how out of a 
 company of professors, few might be truly in the " narrow 
 way." That it called for the full exertion of all our powers, 
 that we may " enter in at the strait gate." I found it a very 
 sweet season. Afterward while he met the men's class, Mrs. 
 Walter and I had a comfortable conversation on holiness ; and 
 as I was speaking to her, O, how did I see all depended on 
 having the mind stayed on Jesus ! That our one business is, 
 to look at him, our complete Saviour. 
 
 Tuesday, November 10. I awaked this morning with these 
 words, 
 
 " To keep your armour bright, 
 Attend with constant care, 
 For ever walking in his sight, 
 And watching unto prayer." 
 
 At my time of prayer, I found a cry in my soul that I might 
 do so. When pleading for the people and the work, that it 
 might be carried on in any way the Lord sees good, I felt my 
 mind divested of any choice. Some slighting things had been 
 said of late' by one, with whom I have taken much pains, as if 
 he could now do far better than his teachers ! I brought this 
 to the Lord ; and felt my soul quite willing to be hid and cover- 
 ed in all he called me to, or blessed me in ; and my heart 
 sprang with joy at the idea of his Spirit being poured out 
 through any channel. As I was thus hiding myself in Jesus, 
 and enjoying the slighting things thrown out, on what I think 
 a sweet revival which we have had of late, I felt what I know 
 not how to describe, I saw myself as espoused to Jesus my 
 husband, and consequently one interest with him. Before I 
 
 * What a mystery, is this unveiling of the human heart, to the self-satisfied, 
 s !f-nghteous world ! When God discovers to his children (for to none else can 
 it be discovered,) "by his holy law written in their hearts," not only the iniquity 
 that is manifest there, but all that their hearts are "capable of ; ;: this is a scene 
 indeed ! Let those to whom these discoveries are made, take heed that !i their 
 faith fail not The blood of the covenant," and "the great and precious promises," 
 will fully reach their case. This discovery is a needful preparation, in order 
 lbir being "cleansed, by faith, from all unrighteousness.-' ED.
 
 *ART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 229 
 
 was aware, I cried out, If thou art glorified, I am glorified ! 
 Struck at my own words, I stopped ; when it came to me with 
 much power, "They that are joined to the Lord are one spirit." 
 It also followed, they that partake of my humiliations shall par- 
 take of my glory. O, how willing did my spirit feel to wait for 
 that day ; arid such a sight was opened before me of the great 
 blessing of being nothing in the eyes of man, as I can better 
 feel than write. 
 
 Last night at the meeting we had a great congregation, and, 
 blessed be God, I felt liberty. Two more notes of thanksgiving 
 were presented for spiritual blessings received. When I came 
 out, a person desired to speak with me. She gave me a bless- 
 ed account how the Lord had given her the full assurance of 
 peace and pardon ! and M. D., who came in with her, appears 
 to be sinking much deeper into God. Glory be to his holy 
 name ! Many of late are thus brought in, and several are 
 either seeking the great blessing, or do " love the Lord with 
 all their heart." 
 
 November 12. A solemn sense of the mercies received in 
 these last fourteen years, has deeply sunk into my soul. How 
 different was my state this day fourteen years, when I first 
 became a wife ! How tossed was my mind with a thousand 
 fears, not yet fully knowing the " angel of the church" to whom 
 I was joined ; and also encumbered with various difficulties. 
 But now this night there is not one clog left ! What a mar- 
 vellous change ! My dear love's blessing does rest upon me ! 
 The Head of the church is indeed my head ; and mercy with 
 overflowing goodness does follow me all the day long. And 
 with respect to the work. O my God ! Thou didst not call us 
 to have children according to the flesh ; but what an accom- 
 plishment do I see of those words, "Thy sons shall come from 
 afar, and thy daughters shall be nursed at thy side." Yes, I 
 see them coming on every hand, 
 
 " Better than daughters, or than sons, 
 Temples divine of living stones, 
 Inscribed with Jesus' name !" 
 
 According to my usual custom on my wedding day, I have 
 been renewing my covenant to be all the Lord's ; and beseech- 
 ing him to possess every thought, and to reveal himself more 
 abundantly to my soul. May I fromthis moment be all activity 
 in following hard after God ! I am filled with blessings ; O 
 that I may be filled with the spirit of praise ! 
 
 Monday, December 21. Yesterday was a fatiguing day to 
 the flesh, but I trust the Lord was glorified amo;ig us. In the 
 morning I awoke about two, and being afraid to lose the early 
 opportunities, I could hardly sleep afterward. Between four 
 and five I rose, but was so poprly, I could but think, and offer 
 up my soul in prayer. At the nine o'clock meeting I found the 
 20
 
 230 THE LIFE OF [PART vie 
 
 Lord was with us. At half after ten, (as Mr. Walter was from 
 home,) 1 had to meet the congregation. For an hour and three 
 quarters I felt much freedom, and some life in speaking, sing- 
 ing, and prayer. In the other meeting, (when Sally had taken 
 that of the two o'clock, in which she had a great company and 
 much of the power of God,) I spoke to about twenty young 
 beginners ; and, blessed be the Lord, they come forward. A 
 company at tea, and a private meeting in the evening, seemed 
 to break me down. Between six and seven I retired, and for 
 an hour and a half my soul was refreshed by being enabled to 
 look, by faith, to my adorable Surety now "at the right hand 
 of the Majesty on high," fully set free from all my sins where- 
 with he had charged himself. I saw him " delivered to death 
 for my transgressions, and raised again for my justification." 
 I had a sweet view how the believer, though weak and feeble, 
 continued thus free. The Saviour "bears the iniquity of our 
 holy things." How true, how sweet is that word, " If thou 
 canst believe, all things axe possible !" Yes, he hath said, 
 " He that cometh unto me, I will in no wise cast out." My 
 soul rested on his satisfaction with peaceful enjoyment, and I 
 fed on those words of the prophet, "And he shall build the 
 temple of the Lord." Yes, I depend on thee, "my Priest, my 
 Atonement, my Intercessor," I depend on thee alone to make 
 my soul and body "the living temple of the Holy Ghost." 
 
 January 4, 1796. This year has begun with a solemn sense 
 of eternity on my soul. On the first day we had the covenant 
 with peculiar solemnity, and many were blessed. On the third 
 Mr. Walter preached in my room, on Cut it down, tffhy cum- 
 bereth it the ground. It was a precious time. 
 
 January 5. This day I have been fourteen years in Madeley. 
 It seems but as yesterday. What crucifying scenes have I 
 passed through ! Yet not one too much. No, nay adorable 
 Lord, Thou hast done all things well ! 
 
 April 27. Reading a little diary of dear Mrs. Yate, has been 
 as marrow and fatness to my soul. It searched me deeply. O . 
 how much earnest agonizing do I discern in her soul ! And 
 yet she is ever complaining of sloth. O my Lord r what am I? 
 Yet I feel the Lord does keep me mere steadily, looking to him- 
 self. But I do not get into the full . est I want, every moment 
 feeling an all-sufficient G#d. 
 
 Tuesday, May llth. These words were powerful, -They 
 that wait en the Lord shall renew their strength. But I did 
 not continue on my diligent watch. Some useless thoughts 
 crept in ; and though I have been striving most of the day, I 
 seem as if I could not feel as I did yesterday. O Lord, heal 
 me ! Thou knowest my unfaithfulness, and thou alone canst 
 make me what thou wouldst have me to be. A circumstance 
 >ccurred yesterday which I found good. One who came to me
 
 VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 231 
 
 told me some things that had been said, which to nature would 
 be grating, and once would have been a great trial. But I 
 found power to embrace the humiliation, and could share with 
 joy his lot who was "counted a worm, and no man, the scorn 
 of men, and the reproach of the people." 
 
 Considering my various complaints, I see death not far off, 
 and it seems iny business, and one concern, to bend all my 
 thoughts that way. O, to awake up after his likeness ! Lord, 
 get thyself glory on rne ! I pant to be all Ifte thee ! 
 
 June 10. Last night for some hours I could not sleep, having 
 much fever. But I found it a good time of pleading with the 
 Lord, that he would glorify himself on me. I pleaded that 
 blessed word, " They who have much forgiven shall love much." 
 
 December 31. Another year is almost at an end. How is 
 my soul 7 Lord, what have I gained this year 1 I feel more 
 liberty in prayer, more hunger and thirst after God ; yet only 
 in a small advance to what I would be. I feel an unspeakable 
 nearness to eternity, and a deep sense of its importance. O 
 that I may live to God as I have never yet done ! This morn- 
 ing pleading that word, Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I 
 will do it, I felt my confidence increase, and can firmly rely 
 on the word of the Lord. I did, and do now, ask such a state 
 of soul as will most glorify my Lord. I ask to dwell in love. 
 It appears to me there can be no witness equal to this. When 
 I dwell, constantly dwell, in the element of love, there can be 
 no room for a doubt. But my hinderance from entering fully 
 into this state, is the want of looking every moment to Jesus. 
 I am sensible I should glow fast if I unremittingly kept my eye 
 iked on him. But since I have more ardently desired this, it 
 seems as if all hell opposed it,* and as it were forced away 
 ray mind, or brought black. clouds between me and my views 
 of heaven. Yet will I persevere ; yea, I will hang upon thy 
 word, believing the cloudless day shall come. 
 
 January 4, 1797. Much comfort I have had in meeting the 
 Tuesday class in the morning. They almost, every one seem 
 to have renewed their vigour with the new year. O, how did 
 they praise God, saying, they had never known such a Christ- 
 mas ! Several of these were, a few months since, 6trong_in 
 the devil's service. They are now rejoicing in the Lord ! 
 poor C. D. nothing could comfort him. He seemed loc 
 up in dark despair, till at the covenant on Sunday night 
 Lord set him at liberty. On Tuesday night while lie 
 speaking, how did my heart leap for joy ! O, what an ans 
 to prayer ! On Wednesday morning the meeting was 
 very lively, and several seem to have begun the new year in 
 
 * The devil knows it is the very thing that will overcome him. It is this alone 
 that will deliver us from that worldly spirit, which is the element ic which he 
 $-orks. Every thing is little compared to this faith. ED.
 
 232 THE LIFE OF [FART VII, 
 
 the most solemn spirit of prayer. How many of these likewise 
 were a few months ago dark sinners ! ,O Lord, we hope to 
 see more and more of thy power among us. 
 
 March 20. " Gracious is the Lord, and merciful." O, how 
 much of his faithfulness have I seen of late ! More and more 
 do I discover how he orders all for us. Some affairs of late 
 have threatened distress to the nation, and loss to me. But 
 the tender care and wise disposal of the Lord was soset before 
 me, that I was enabled to praise him as I could not have done 
 had not these things occurred. And he made me to know in 
 the end, that he does indeed make a hedge about me, and all 
 concerning me. O, what a treasure do I see in those words 
 " I will be your God, and you shall be my sons and daughters,, 
 saith the Lord Almighty !" 
 
 April 1. For some days my soul has been keenly tried by 
 an accusation of the enemy, on account of a former transaction 
 in which it was represented I had injured my neighbour. I 
 cried to the Lord to make it plain if it were so, for he knew it 
 would be the very joy of my heart to make amends. Yet I had 
 reason to think it was a snare of Satan, because when my soul 
 was most drawn put in prayer, it came as a fiery dart that I 
 must first inquire into,, and set that matter right, before I could 
 expect a blessing, though it was not possible at that time to 
 do any thing. And so it proved. But it seemed whenever 
 the accusation came, immediately some word of the Lord, or 
 some plain answer, presentsd itself to my mind. During this 
 trial, which was very painful, O what a view I had of my state 
 by nature ! What depths of pride, folly, and all kinds of evil, 
 were apparent from my infancy. I cannot express what I saw 
 and felt ; but I carried it all to the Lord, and every view as it 
 came before me, seemed to have the effect of driving me more 
 to the bosom of my God. 
 
 April 8. After the trial already mentioned, I have found a 
 stronger faith, and more firm reliance on the Lord Jesus ; and 
 one day reading that passage in Job xxii, which has so often 
 been applied with power to my heart, I felt it more than ever 
 so ; and looking to some of the marginal references in the great 
 Bible, a sweet light shone into my soul. Meditating on that 
 , " Then shall thou have thy delight in the Almighty, 
 shalt lift up thy face unto God," I turned to the refer- 
 s, Job xi, 15, " For then shalt thou lift up thy face without 
 '; yea, thou shalt be steadfast, and shalt not fear ; because 
 u shalt forget thy misery, and remember it as waters that 
 ',8 away. And thine age shall be clearer than the noon day. 
 Thou shalt shine forth, thou shalt be as the morning ; and thou 
 shalt be secure, because there is hope. Yea, thou shalt dig 
 about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety. Also thoo 
 shalt lie down, and none shall make thee afraid. Yea, manjf
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 233 
 
 shall make suit unto thee." In how many particulars is this 
 already accomplished ! But that word, "Thine age shall be 
 clearer than noon day," in the margin, shall arise above the 
 noon, was powerfully applied ; which gave me to discern a 
 prospect, that my old age shall be favoured with a far closer 
 communion than my noon was. O my Lord, I see the dawn, 
 but I wait for the Sun of righteousness fully to arise on my 
 soul. 
 
 April 18. Mrs. Walter's death has beeivmuch blessed to 
 me. Had I such sufferings to go through, O my God ! I could 
 not bring glory to thy cause by patience as she did, unless 
 thou gavest me a fuller change. From the first of her coming 
 to Madeley, I observed in her an earnest upright desire of living 
 to God. As soon as she knew of our private meetings, she 
 inquired into the nature of them, and begged to be admitted as 
 a member ; ever showing by her whole carriage, that the lan- 
 guage of her heart was ; 
 
 " Number'd with them may I be 
 Here, and in eternity." 
 
 She had experienced the -pardoning love of God before she 
 came into Shropshire in a very clear manner, and often felt a 
 wish her lot might be cast among some people who walked 
 closer with God than any she had yet seen. And when her 
 husband became curate of this parish, she felt a strong impres- 
 sion that her prayer was about to be answered. She loved her 
 children tenderly, and was exemplary in her care both of them 
 and of her household. She had many conflicts with the evil 
 of her heart, yet often telling me what sweet returns she felt 
 in private prayer : in the practice of which duty she was truly 
 vigilant. She longed for the day when she should find those 
 words verified in her soul, 
 
 " No anger mayst thou ever find, 
 No pride in my unruffled mind, 
 But love, and heaven-born peace be there." 
 
 For some weeks, when near the hour of nature's sorrow, she 
 was most sweetly carried on, often declaring she could feel no 
 fear, for the Lord poured in his precious promises, and so filled 
 her with his consolations as to keep her mind in perfect peace ; 
 assured from his own mouth, He would make all her bed in 
 her sickness. 
 
 On Saturday, March the 4th, she was seized with a violent 
 shivering. Then the enemy came in as a flood, with that 
 thought, That she must die and leave her dear children. This 
 conflict was severe ; but she was enabled as a true daughter of 
 Abraham, to overcome. From this season her will appeared 
 to be entirely lost in that of God. The next day she was deli- 
 vered of a child, which died the same night ; and soon after 
 she proved to be in a strong fever. Her sufferings were great 
 20*
 
 234 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 
 
 and long, as she lived to the twenty-first day after her seizure. 
 But she was a pattern of patience and thankfulness. What 
 adds to both her and our trial was, the inflammation lay so on 
 her lungs, that we could scarce understand any thing she said. 
 But in this trial also she showed no impatience ; and when a 
 blister was brought for her back, (by which she had formerly 
 suffered much,) she looked on it some moments, and said, My 
 dear Saviour gave his back to the smiters, and so will I. She 
 constantly declared the Lord was with her; and one day, when 
 my Sally reminded her of that promise, that " the Lord would 
 make all her bed in her sickness," she answered, " He doth ! 
 He doth !" On the Tuesday she told me with tears of love 
 and praise, how very sweet those words had been to her, 
 
 i: All thine afflictions my glory shall raise, 
 And the dseper thy sorrows, the louder thy praise !" 
 
 Twice she had a sweet view of the invisible world, and the 
 attendance of many of the heavenly hosts. Of this she would 
 no doubt have told us much, but we could understand but little 
 of her speech. One time as she was saying, " Hard work, 
 hard work," Mrs. Purton (who was almost constantly with 
 her) said, " What is hard work V She replied, " To leave 
 the dear children. But the Lord says, Leave thy children to 
 me, I will preserve them !" Inquiring one day how she found 
 her mind, her answer was, " I have no will ; it seems all lost 
 in God. If he were to give me my choice, I do not know 
 whether to choose life or death. But if the Lord should raise 
 me, I am determined to live more to God than ever, and above 
 all, to be more faithful in private prayer." The last night Mrs. 
 Yate said, Is your mind as calm as ever? she replied, " Quite 
 so." And is Jesus as preciously present as he hath been all 
 along? Her answer w.as, "More so than ever." On Friday, 
 March 24, 1797, she appeared to be just going about eleven 
 o'clock ; breathing very hard, as she had done some hours. 
 We went to prayer, and found the Lord very present ; after 
 which, as I was looking on her. I repeated, 
 
 " A convoy attends 
 A ministering hot of invisible friends f 
 Ready wing'd for die flight, 
 To the regions of light, 
 The horses arc come, 
 The chariot of Israel to carry theehome !" 
 
 And in a few moments her happy spirit left this vale of teare, 
 to mingle with the blaze of day ! She was in her thirty-third 
 year. Her disorder was- such as called for a very uncommon 
 degree of attention and care. And O, how did we see the faith- 
 fulness of God ! Such friends were raised, and such help* 
 given in the hour of need, as made us say in truth, He counts 
 our e*erv hair ! My Sally was enabled to be a great comfort
 
 FART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 237 
 
 to her, and oft did she express it. One day looking earnestr- 
 on me, she said, " I have a deal to tell you, but I cannot speak 
 it." When we meet above, she will perhaps tell me of some 
 glorious views, and divine consolations, wherewith she was 
 favoured, though she could not utter them here. 
 
 June 8. My faith seems increasing. I have clearer views 
 of the fulness of the Saviour, and of the unbounded privilege 
 of believing. Many have observed, " You have what you 
 believe for, and some have made bad use of that privilege, not 
 understanding what it is truly to believe." But it is still a 
 great truth, " Whatsoever ye ask in prayer, believing, you 
 receive. God speaks of the things that are not, as though they 
 were." So does faith. It sees the blessing of sanctification, 
 and takes hold of the promise, and cries, Through Christ it 
 is mine ! I am not in full possession ; yet, like a man that 
 has an estate left him, he claims it as his own ; and though 
 opposed, struggles to get into the possession, and does not quit 
 his claim, though often repulsed by him who unlawfully pretends 
 to the right. The believing soul says, It is the will of God that I 
 should feel evil no more, that is, I should no more let it in, how- 
 ever tempted. It is his will I should always conquer. My Lord 
 tells me in his word, " This is the victory by which we overcome, 
 even our faith." I must therefore use my weak faith, that it may 
 grow stronger, which it certainly does by use. I must hold fast 
 that strong rock. First, " Jesus hath borne all my sins in his own 
 body on the tree ;" therefore they are atoned for, and the atone- 
 ment is mine by believing. Secondly, " Christ is made unto 
 me of the Father, sanctification." He hath by his one offering 
 perfected the whole work needful for the purification of the 
 heart, and this is mine also by believing. He hath received 
 the Holy Spirit to pour it out on his church, therefore it is 
 mine, as far as I can believe, and so unite my soul by faith to 
 God. Abiding in him, I am so far sanctified ; and by the exer- 
 cise of this hope, the soul is said (by St. John) to purify itself 
 even as God is pure. Not in degree, but in becoming of one 
 nature. The 'light of the candle is fire, as really as the sun. 
 So it may be said, that little flame is as tho sun : both are of 
 one nature. The promise of the baptism of the Spirit is *o 
 me. I claim it. Yea, and my dear Lord hath told me, " Thou 
 shalt walk with me in white. I will thoroughly purge away 
 thy dross, and take away all thy tin." I believe it is his will 
 to do it this moment, but the way he hath appointed is faith ; 
 that is the appointed channel. " By grace are ye saved through 
 faith." Now as far as faith can lay hold, I have it, and no 
 farther. This is " the secret of the Lord, wliich is with those 
 that fear him." They turn to Jesus, and find all in him. It ig 
 impossible to stand one moment in any state, but by union 
 with the Saviour, as the Lord says by Isaiah, " Without me
 
 236 THE LIFE OF [PART V 
 
 ye shall bow down among the. prisoners." And the Saviour, 
 " Without me ye can do nothing." 
 
 As I was at prayer this morning my spirit was dissipated, 
 and could not get near to the Lord.* While I waited before 
 him, I felt those words applied, " To be spiritually minded is 
 life and peace." I discerned such a light in the words as I 
 never did before. One of my greatest conflicts has been with 
 idle thoughts about doing that good which is not in my power. 
 I remember an observation greatly blest to me on this head, by 
 a good man now in eternity ; " Thoughts are of two kinds 
 either the reptile or the winged kind. Either they crawl on 
 earth, as the reptile, or rise to heaven as on wings." Thie 
 idea has been often blest to me. But this morning I had such 
 a clear view into the blessing of keeping the mind occupied on 
 spiritual things as encouraged me much. I now feel the power 
 of it; to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 
 
 November 6. Blessed be the Lord, I feel him at work in 
 my soul. He hath brought me into a narrow path ; and I find 
 his faithful Spirit reproves me many times a day. O the need 
 I feel of watchfulness ! I have prayed many times for a,tender 
 conscience, quick as the apple of an eye, and in a measure I 
 feel it so. But I want so to put on the Lord Jesus, that my 
 God " may look and love his image there." I feel a sweet love 
 to, and rest in, the will of God, even in those things which 
 come nearest to my heart. But there is a close communion 
 an intercourse which I have not : Lord, take away whatever 
 stands between ! 
 
 An observation of a spiritual writer was last night very profit- 
 able to me. He says, " The soul who would come to the Lord, 
 and be filled with the Holy Ghost, must begin by believing in 
 Christ as Mediator. But he must force himself to that which 
 is good, however his heart may be set against it. He should 
 force himself to take insults and humiliations for the Lord's 
 sake as with joy ; and to exert a liberty in prayer, speaking to 
 the Lord as if he had it. Above all, let him force himself to 
 an assurance of the favour of God :f and shortly the Spirit of 
 God will come upon him, and enable him to do all those things 
 freely, from a pure nature within, which now he does by force. 
 But never let him quit his hope, for th'en sin gains ground. But 
 while a man retains his hope in God, sin dies away." I felt a 
 sweet power all the time of my reading ; and that word, That 
 we should " force ourselves to assurance in God'fe love," was 
 life to my soul. It is always a blessing to me when I resist 
 discouragements to faith. 
 
 * How little the most edifying reasonings avail when faith is not in exercise. 
 ED. 
 
 t That is, he should resolutely believe, that the general declarations of good 
 will wade by the Lord to the human race, belong to him. ED.
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 237 
 
 December 19. This is the day set apartfor a national thank*. 
 
 S'ving, on account of the victory gained at sea over our enemies, 
 lessed be the Lord, he hath hitherto preserved us. But clouds 
 yet hang over our heads. Lord, teach our senators wisdom! Blees 
 our good king, and gi'ide him in every thing, that he may take 
 such measures as shall tend to unite the hearts of his subjects ! 
 We have had several deaths lately round about us. Some 
 of them our own people. That blessed woman, Mary Barnard, 
 is one. She died very happy, declaring to the last that the 
 covenant was signed and sealed with the Lord, and she was 
 his by a marriage bond. She set to her seal, that " the Hood 
 of Jesus Christ had cleansed her from all sin." She had known 
 the pure love of God many years. Another was our neighbour 
 W. Weston, who endured a Jong and heavy affliction with 
 much patience. Sally often visited him, it being too far for 
 me. The night before he died, she was with him : on her 
 return she gave me the following account, "My soul did 
 praise the Lord to hear him declare the love of Jesus, saying, 
 * O, he is precious to my soul! ' On my asking him, Hath the 
 Lord often visited you since I was with you last ] He answered, 
 ' Yes, many, many times. God hath heard prayer for me in- 
 deed, and now I long to die.' We seemed to enjoy a little 
 heaven together, while conversing of many of our dear friends 
 now in glory, ready to welcome him there. I reminded him 
 of the observation which my dear master made in one of his 
 letters from abroad, That perhaps he might (if he should not 
 live to return to England,) be permitted to accompany the 
 ministering angels, who should be sent to convey the spirits of 
 his dear parishioners into glory ! He seemed to delight in the 
 thought! I observed, You are going now, and I trust by the 
 grace of God, I shall be enabled to fight my passage through, 
 and then shall we meet on Sion's happy shore, there to praise 
 our dear Lord together. Smiling he answered, ' We shall, 
 we shall.' I read those two hymns, ' Come let us join our 
 friends above, who have obtained the prize,' And, ' How happy 
 every child of grace, who k'nows his sins forgiven.' After con- 
 versing some time, I repeated those lines, 
 
 For you is prepared the angelic guard, 
 A convoy attends 
 
 A ministering host of invisible friends! 
 Ready wing'd for their flight 
 To the regions oflight, 
 The horses are cotxe 
 
 The chariot of Israel to carry you Iiome.' 
 
 He stretched out both his arms, looking upward, as with eager 
 desire, and cried out, ' O, I am longing for that convoy to come 
 for me !' I took my leave of him, saying, I shall see you no 
 more here ; but it will not be Jong before we meet above. And, I 
 I pray the Lord may be with you in the dark valley, dnd sweetly
 
 238 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 
 
 support you with his presence. He caught hold of my hand, 
 and said, ' Farewell ! God bless you for ever, and dear Mrs. 
 Fletcher. Tell her I thank her for all her kindness to me ; but 
 above all, for the prayers she hath offered for me. They have 
 done me much good, more good than my own. May God 
 bless her and bless you both for ever !" Some others also the 
 Lord hath taken to his bosom, and among them, one out of my 
 own little household. Poor dear Martha Clark, who had lived 
 with me eight years, being ill, left me last August, to try if 
 her native air would restore her. One letter I received from 
 her. In it, she said, her mind was in peace, stayed on the 
 Lord. Not long after, she dreamed she had returned, and that 
 on opening our back door, she saw the Lord Jesus all in white! 
 who told her he had brought the chariot for her. In the morn- 
 ing she said to her brother she should die soon, for the chariot 
 of Israel was come for her. And so she did on October the 
 sixteenth, I believe, suddenly. She often repeated that verse 
 of the hymn, " For you is prepared the angelic guard," &c. And 
 frequently would be saying, "When will the chariot come for 
 me?" How solemn is the thought ! My family is partly in 
 paradise and partly on earth. On earth I have none but my 
 dear child Sally ; but above I have many. Blessed be God for 
 that word, " We shall be gathered to our people." Martha 
 Clark was ono who so walked, as truly to " adorn the Gospel." 
 While in my house, I do not know there was ever one thing I 
 wished her to put away, or to do, but she immediately complied 
 therewith. In nothing was she worldly minded, but often was 
 ready to refuse any little addition to her wages, when I saw it 
 right to give it to her. She was in many respects truly a pat- 
 tern of sobriety of mind, and of a quiet spirit. 
 
 January 4, 1798. At the watch night, held the last evening 
 of the year, I was sensible of a deepening of the conviction 
 which I had for some days felt, of the littleness of my grace. 
 In this spirit I began this new year. I do certainly feel Go'd 
 hath done me got,d in the last ; but I see as I never did, the 
 need of a far deeper work, a faith at all times lively and vigor- 
 ous. I have not such a perfect conquest over my thoughts as 
 I must have to cause a continual sense of the Almighty. I 
 am not always faithful in resisting, if the thought does not 
 appear to be evil. Since the first day of this year, I have found 
 more power to watch : Lord, stand by me ! Some observing 
 to me, they could not find as much profit from my words and 
 prayers, as they did from Sally's, and wondering at it ;* I 
 thought it is no wonder : for I have not such a degree of the 
 Spirit as she has But I will bless thee, O Lord, that I am 
 
 * They are not to be commended who spoke thus ; nor was Mrs. Fletcher's 
 consequent resolution, though admirable, wholly without danger to the young 
 woman. ED
 
 1-ATIT VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 239 
 
 permitted to make her way ; and will with pleasure do more of 
 the little things of the house, that she may have more leisure 
 to carry thy truth about among souls. She is a faithful follower 
 of the Lamb, and though she has been my orphan to bring up, 
 I now desire to tread in her steps. 
 
 September 12. Fifty-nine years this day have I seen the 
 light of this world ; but never did I see eternal things more 
 important than at this hour. I am led to live one moment at a 
 time, offering up my whole self to the will of God, to be puri- 
 fied by his divine influence ; to be just what he would have 
 me to be. Lord, get thyself glory on my soul. I had some 
 humbling thoughts concerning my dear husband. How much 
 more comfort I might have yielded him, oft presses hard on my 
 mind. " O, I have much forgiven, let me love much !" 
 
 Some years ago I was much struck with that observation of 
 Mr. Bridges, " Where God designs to confer a great blessing, 
 he frequently puts a sentence of death on the means that seem 
 to lead thereto ; as in the case of Abraham and Sarah." I 
 am sure it has been so with me in various instances. At 
 twenty-four I had a plentiful fortune, but all seemed lost. Yet 
 God said in my heart, " Thou shalt lend, and not borrow." I 
 was, however, at that time, borrowing of many, my own money 
 being in estates. I feared I should not at last pay all, there- 
 fore, for fear of deception, I spoke freely to several of my losses, 
 and especially to those whose money f had on interest. Many 
 said, " Depend upon it she is not worth ten pounds, for every 
 one makes the best they can of their affairs. " Such a sen- 
 tence of death seemed to come over all my worldly affairs ! 
 And yet, when God's time came, how did all turn about ! Now 
 it may be asked, Why does God take this away ? Mr. Bridges 
 gives a sweet answer, " God gives his blessings in that man- 
 ner which shall most show that he is God." Now had my 
 fortune remained unlessened, as it came from my parents, I 
 should not have so clearly seen the .hand of God. But, like 
 Joseph, we must sometimes be sold into Egypt, in order to 
 have our promises fulfilled, of becoming " the sheaf lifted up." 
 Of late I have feared lest I should look to my plenty more than 
 I ought, and not live by faith. Perhaps to prevent that, the 
 Lord hath taken this thirty pounds in France, and fifty pounds 
 per annum in Switzerland ;* and yet I feel no lack. 
 
 November 15. Last Monday, the 12th, was a solemn day 
 to me. That day seventeen years, (and on a Monday,) my 
 dear husband and I were made one before men. We were 
 before made one in the Lord. O that my spirit could more 
 partake of what he feels in glory ! I have no doubt that an 
 eternal growth belongs to happy spirits ; and sometimes I think 
 jhe has so long got the start of me, and was so much before me 
 
 * Lost by the invasion of the French. ED.
 
 240 THE LIFE or [PART vn, 
 
 even here, that I fear I shall not be in one tribe with him above. 
 Well, I feel the will and order of God is right, let my mansion 
 be where it wiH. If Jesus is glorified, I know I shall delight 
 in that. 
 
 November 21. What an awful time do we live in ! This 
 Irish rebellion has occasioned the death of thousands. To 
 what distress also are numbers reduced, stripped of all they 
 have, their houses burnt, and themselves forced to flee for their 
 lives ! But many of our people have been remarkably pre- 
 served. I have not yet heard of one of them who have not 
 escaped, though often as by miracle* When I look on these 
 things, I think, How different is my situation ! am I lost iu 
 wonder, love, and praise ! O my God, here I sit under my 
 own vine and fig tree, filled with every good thing ! Plenty of 
 money for all I want, and some to spare. I say, when I look 
 at these things, I am astonished at the tender mercy of God ! 
 and encouraged to believe, that he who thus graciously deals 
 with my poor dying body, will answer every prayer for my soul. 
 Last night I seemed, almost the whole of it, to hear, and repeat 
 with sweet power, these words, 
 
 " Still O my soul prolong 
 The never-ceasing song 
 Christ my hope, my joy, my theme ; 
 
 His be all my happy days ! 
 Bow my every power to him, 
 Every thought be spent in praise ! 
 
 When I awoke I could not say it, I could not even begin! 
 But no sooner did I drop asleep again, than it flowed as it 
 were out of my heart and lips ! 
 
 January 15, 1799. I have found the beginning of this year 
 a very solemn season. O, that I may feel in the course of it, 
 what I have never before felt ! On Christmas eve, the Scrip- 
 tures which I read in the meeting were the first and second 
 chapters of Luke ; and it seemed to many of us, as if we were 
 with Zaclmrias in the temple, with Mary, when the angel Ga- 
 briel came to her, with the shepherds in the field, and, above 
 all, with the little company in the stable in Bethlehem, hearing 
 the shepherds relate their vision, and Joseph and Mary con- 
 firming their faith, by a relation of all the wonderful things they 
 had seen and heard ! Our hearts exulted also with Simeon 
 and Anna in the temple ;* and my soul was led to cry aloud, 
 
 * A genuine instance of true faith in ordinary life and duty. Faith, says St. 
 Paul, is the evidence of things not sten ; that is, of the unseen things which God 
 hath revealed, and of which the Holy Scriptures are the record. These thingt 
 (events, discoveries, declarations, promises, threateniugs,) are cither past, fu- 
 ture, or spiritual, and, therefore, not the objects of sight. This evidence, 
 (&\ty%cs) gives to these unseen things of God, a present subsistence. Hence 
 this/oi'M is said to be mighty through God, to work by lore, to purify the heart, 
 and to overcome the uorld. As this erJdence is more or less clear and constant, 
 o is the victory, and so is the consequent holiness ; the righteousness, peace, 
 and joy. Lord, increase our faith ! ED.
 
 TART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 2 4 j 
 
 that all who waited for salvation in Madeley should behold mv 
 Saviour ! 
 
 I was able to go out on Christmas day, but I was ill the rest 
 of the week. On the first day of this year, in the evening, we 
 had a full meeting, and the Lord was with us. We then con- 
 sidered a few questions which had been brought to my mind for 
 that purpose. First, Has this last year been a year of prayer ? 
 Have my prayers been serious, fervent, and recollected 1 Or 
 have I drawn near to God with my lips, while my heart was far 
 from him ? Secondly, Have I watched my thoughts, and been 
 much in holy ejaculations ? Thirdly, Have I been thankful 
 for mercies received, and attentive to observe deliverances and 
 answers to prayer] remembering that word, "He that offereth 
 me praise, he honoureth me." Fourthly, Do I feel a deep sense 
 of sin ? Do I loath my sinful self, and cry often, Lord, " cleanse 
 me from my secret faults V Fifthly, Am I deeply conscious 
 that the root of all sin is, in having lost God, and found self in 
 his place 1 And do I continually see holiness to consist in the 
 being sunk into my own nothingness, that God alone may be 
 exalted in my soul ? Sixthly, Does my faith increase 1 Do I 
 come more freely to a crucified Saviour, seeking all my salva- 
 tion in, and through him alone 1 Seventhly, Do I keep hold 
 of every promise given me, as I would of a purse of gold, 
 knowing it will be good another day? Do I so look for the 
 fulfilling of those given me long since, pleading that prayer, 
 " Lord accomplish the word on which thou hast made me to 
 hope." 
 
 As to my outward walk. Have I watched over my tongue ? 
 David says in psalm the 39th, " I will take heed to my ways, 
 that I offend not with my tongue. I will keep my mouth as 
 with a bridle, while the wicked are in my sight." You who 
 work among the ungodly, do 'you do so ? Those words of St. 
 James are very important, " My brethren, be ye swift to hear, 
 and slow to speak." And in the third chapter, he calls the 
 tongue " a world of iniquity, set on fire of hell, and setting on 
 fire the whole course of nature." Secondly, Have I watched 
 over my appetites 1 Has my table been that of a Christian, or 
 that of a beast ] A beast only seeks to feed ; but a Christian 
 should make his table an act of devotion. " Whether ye eat 
 or drink," says St. Paul, " or whatsoever ye do, do all in the 
 name, and to the glory of God." Now this may be done in 
 three ways. First, Some little act of self-denial should accom- 
 pany each meal, as a check to intemperance. Ask yourself 
 after each meal, In what have I denied myself this time] 
 Secondly, Your table should be a time of godly conversation, 
 if with others : of meditation if alone. Thirdly, These bless- 
 ings should raise your heart to thankful gladness, and increase 
 your faith in that Providence, who, by thus providing for your 
 21
 
 242 THE LIFE OF [PART VII,' 
 
 body, gives you a proof how much more he will provide for 
 your immortal soul. To help you thus to spiritualize your 
 meals, use much attention and fervour in asking a blessing and 
 returning thanks. 
 
 With regard to my neighbour. Do I strive to be ftiithful and 
 diligent in my station ? Obedient to superiors 1 careful of, and 
 tender to, my inferiors ? Secondly, Do I pray and strive to love 
 my neighbour as myself? Do I forgive as I hope to be forgiven "? 
 Do I do all I can for the souls and bodies of those about me ? 
 If I hear of the death of any neighbour, do I ask myself, Have 
 I ever had an opportunity of warning that soul which I have 
 neglected 1 Will that soul have a just accusation against me 
 at the last day ] Again, let us cast a look on those who are, 
 from among ourselves in this last year, laid up in the garner 
 of God. Have we honoured and served these saints of God ? 
 What a blessed opportunity we have in this of serving the Lord 
 Jesus ! For if he takes as to himself, all we do for his little 
 ones at any time, how much more in their sickness and death ? 
 " For right dear in the sight of the Lord is the death of his 
 saints." I never hear of the death of a child of God, but I ask 
 myself that question, Have I done all I could for that person 
 in every way ] Jesus saith, " Make to yourself friends of the 
 mammon of unrighteousness, that when you fail on earth, they 
 may receive you into everlasting habitations." How many do 
 you think are thus waiting to receive you above ? Let us this 
 night awake to diligence. Let us be more earnest in seeking, 
 and we shall be more enriched in finding. Good Mr. Frazer* 
 observes, " Ever since I can remember, proportionable to my 
 diligence in seeking was my finding : nor made I ever any extra 
 aim at God, but I got something extra. Also, says he, I learn 
 that a Christian's assurance, or faith, though it do not at first 
 flow from holiness, yet it is, in its progress, ever in proportion 
 to his holy walk with God." This is a great truth, for " the 
 mystery of the faith" must be kept "in a pure conscience." 
 
 February 7. How many have been called away lately! 
 Three precious souls, three nights running, have I seen brought 
 to the church yard ! The first was brother Brook, one of my 
 dear Mr. Fletcher's first children. He has been a steady 
 walker, but not clearly awakened to the work of sanctification 
 till a few years ago. He dreamed that he heard a voice say to 
 him, John, are you ready to die ? He could not remember 
 what he answered, but the purport was, that he hoped so. 
 Next day he was rather uneasy, and wished to have the dream 
 again, that he might answer better. Some time after, he 
 thought in his sleep he heard the voice again. Then he said, 
 Lord, am I ready ? On which such a discovery of the evil of 
 his nature was laid open to him, that he cried out, Ah ! Lord 4 
 * A very pious minister of the Church of Scotland. ED.
 
 ?ART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 243 
 
 f have all to do ! I have to begin ! From that time he felt a 
 strong desire to be a new creature in the full sense of the word ; 
 and began to strive " to take the kingdom by force." But still 
 he did not see clearly the way of faith. One night he dreamed 
 my dear husband came to him, and pointing to a wall, .said, 
 John, you must get up above the top of that wall. He replied, 
 Sir, I cannot, it is impossible. Mr. Fletcher answered, Yes, 
 John, you must, or you will perish. He immediately lifted up 
 his heart to the Lord, and began gently to rise, till he was even 
 with the top of the wall, on which he laid his hand to lean, 
 when instantly he dropped down to the bottom, and awoke. 
 This much discouraged him. But a second time he dreamed 
 the same dream, and leaned as before, when he again dropped 
 down. He had many thoughts about these dreams, what they 
 could mean. After some time he again dreamed that Mr. 
 Fletcher came to him, and as before, bid him rise above that 
 wall, adding,. The reason, John, why you fell the other times, 
 was because you leaned on the wall. If you but touch it, you 
 spoil all. Then he again lifted up his heart in faith as before, 
 and gently rising till he was above the wall, he found himself 
 in a most beautiful place, and his soul in a profound peace. 
 From this dream he saw it was by "looking unto Jesus," that 
 he was to " enter that rest which remains for the people of 
 God." During a very long and painful illness, he has been 
 kept in a sweet calm peace. In the beginning he was much 
 tempted, but his confidence remained firm. In the latter end 
 it was much increased. He said, a few minutes before his 
 death, to a neighbour, " O, Tommy, this calls for much faith 
 and patience ;" but added, That his confidence was unshaken. 
 He then cried, " Come, Lord Jesus !" and entered his ever- 
 lasting rest. 
 
 The next night poor sister Smith was buried. She appeared 
 to me more than commonly stirred up the last two or three 
 times I met her in class. In her illness, which lasted a month, 
 she was continually crying out for a clean heart ; lamenting 
 the unbelief she felt, which, said she, is as a wall. O that this 
 wall of unbelief were removed, that I might have a clear evi- 
 dence ! O that the heart of stone were taken away ! One 
 night, about a week before she died, she called hastily to her 
 son, telling him, the Lord had taken away the heart of stone, 
 and filled her mouth with praise. She continued in peace, 
 though in much pain, till her spirit returned to God. The 
 following night a man was buried, who had been a sufferer for 
 some years, but in that time brought home to God. 
 
 February 14. My mind is sorrowful. It seems as if the 
 Lord was about to take my Sally from me. She grows worse 
 and worse ; her legs swell much, her strength fails, and all 
 means used appear unsuccessful. I have been so supported,
 
 244 THE LIFE OP [PART Vlf. 
 
 as I could not have expected ; not with great joy, but a deter- 
 mined resignation, a clinging to the will of God, be the event 
 what it may. She has been as the tenderest of daughters to 
 me ; a spiritual friend both to soul and body ; a most useful 
 housekeeper, and the best of nurses : in short, the staff of my 
 old age. If I lose her, I shall be stripped of all that makes my 
 lite comfortable. We keep a kind of inn for the Lord's people ; 
 and 1 am so infirm I cannot supply her place in care and man- 
 agement. In the work of God she is also admirably useful, 
 and together we get through a good deal. But left alone, what 
 a poor creature shall I be, to go through all these fatigues ? 
 But I will encourage myself in the Lord. We shall not be 
 parted. She goes a little before, and I shall follow after. 
 
 March 9. I have still a season of trial, but not without profit. 
 My dear Sally is yet ill, apparently going into a consumption. 
 I must now, as Abraham, lay the whole of my earthly comforts 
 on the altar ! But I cling to the will of God. Christ left all 
 for me. O my Lord, enable me to glorify thee in the fire ,' 
 This morning I was blest in those words, "Casting all your 
 care on him, for he careth for you." 
 
 March 19. This was our quarter day. I found in the morn- 
 ing a particular faith, in devoting myself to the Lord, that his 
 whole will might be accomplished in me, and by me, that day ; 
 and I saw the immediate guidance of his hand in each particu- 
 lar. I felt thankful, that our application to Mr. Young had 
 apparently been blest, and my dear friend was better, and ena- 
 bled to assist me through the hurry of the day. We went to 
 bed in peace, though fatigued. But in the night she spit blood 
 again. This circumstance seems to take away, humanly speak- 
 ing, all hope of her recovery. The discharge continued, though 
 lessening all the next day and night. Blessed be God, I felt 
 power to go through all that I was called to in the Lord's work, 
 and to cling fast to his will by resignation. 
 
 March 25. Sally is very poorly. The bleeding continues, 
 though the discharge is small. Yesterday morning, Easter 
 Sunday, I felt power to throw myself on the Lord, and was 
 helped through the duties of the day. I asked her how she felt 
 her mind when she began to spit the blood 1 She replied, she 
 felt no fear of death, but a firm confidence that the Lord would 
 finish his work if he took her directly. At the same time she 
 felt tenderly for me. She added, " On Thursday, being in great 
 pain, I dropped into a doze, and thought I heard the voice of 
 my dear master, saying, as if he stood by me, ' The sufferings 
 of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the 
 glory which shall be revealed.' " It was a refreshment to me 
 to have, as it were, a message from heaven in this time of 
 trouble. As I sat in my pew at church, I thought, I must now 
 go to the table alone. Once I had my dear husband there, and
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 245 
 
 my child at my side. Now, as Naomi, I must say, I went mil 
 full, but return empty. As I knelt at the table, it seemed as 
 if her spirit was one with mine. On my return to the pew, as 
 I was pleading in prayer that the Lord would order all, it came 
 to me, 
 
 " Leave to his sovereign sway 
 
 To choose and to command ; 
 So shalt tliou, wond'ring, own his way, 
 How wise, how good his hand." 
 
 I said, Lord, look upon us ! It was answered, The hairs of 
 your head are all numbered. I then said, My dear Saviour, 
 our concerns are regarded in the court above ; I freely leave 
 them there ! It came with power, And the care of them is 
 with the Most High. That so melted my heart, I could not 
 help bursting into tears. But they were tears of gratitude. The 
 Lord did not seem to tell me what he would do with me ; but 
 patience must have its perfect work. 
 
 May 8. Many mercies and many trials have I passed 
 through since I wrote last. My dear Sally is yet very poorly, 
 and I feel myself called to stand on my watch tower, that I may 
 gain all the good designed me in this trial. I desire to be in 
 the posture of Abraham when he was going to Mount Moriah. 
 What will be the end I know not, but it has been a time of 
 much pain. 
 
 May 30. The Lord hath in great mercy heard prayer in 
 many respects of late. I know not where to begin to recount 
 his goodness. My dear Sally is much better, and seems to 
 gather strength beyond expectation. On Sunday night last I 
 was led to make a fresh dedication of my all to God ; and he 
 showed me I was to confide alone in him. I fear much for my 
 dear friend, but I am not called to hinder her in any thing, but 
 commit all to the Lord, for I have given up all into his hand. 
 
 June 28. Blessed be God, I do feel an increase of union, 
 and a recollected posture of mind. Reading that line to-day 
 in one of Mr. Wesley's letters, "Entire resignation implies 
 entire love. Give him your will, and you give him your heart," 
 I felt a spring of satisfaction arise in my mind. I am sure I 
 do feel an increasing resignation, and that not in theory, but in 
 practice. My most near and tender feelings have been touched 
 of late. I live under those trials at this time, not only in the 
 continued illness of my dear Sally, who still seems consumptive, 
 but other circumstances beside. I can feelingly say, " The 
 Lord liveth, and blessed be my Rock, and exalted be the God 
 of my salvation." There appears to be one design in all the 
 Lord's dispensations toward us, viz. the bringing us to lose our 
 wills perfectly in his adorable will ; and I find nothing so help- 
 ful as to be quite still in his hand. Committing all to the Lord, 
 however difficult things may appear, I am to stand still, and the 
 Lord makes a way through in his* own time, and often the trial 
 21*
 
 246 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 
 
 
 
 is only a shadow. Like Abraham, we all are called to offer our 
 Isaac, and then the cross is removed. We have had peculiar 
 expenses of late, and my gracious Father hath provided for 
 that. A few days since, I received a letter from my eldest 
 brother's wife, in which she sent me a present of twenty pounds. 
 Lord, didst thou not tell me, I will bless them that bless thee ? 
 Let this kindness be so returned, O Lord, in spiritual and tem- 
 poral blessings ! 
 
 July 20. Lord, thou art good ! I feel thine arm does support 
 me. O teach me the "way of faith more perfectly !" My dear 
 child grows worse.. She coughs almost continually. I feel it 
 as a knife in my heart. She is my earthly all; and in the 
 whole universe, there is but one thing I love more than her, 
 that is, "The will of my God." To that I do, I must, I will 
 refer every thing ! 
 
 August 6. Having been called to take a little journey of 
 thirty miles, I have found it a good deal disorder my body, as, 
 of late years, travelling always does : and with the continued 
 illness of my dear friend, I have little time for writing, except 
 the letters I have to answer. But, blessed be the Lord ! I have 
 been carried through all my weekly meetings, with a peculiar 
 sense of the presence of God. Last Tuesday, in our interces- 
 sion, we laid her case again before the Lord, with much freedom, 
 and I think she has been better since. We are called to hang 
 on Jesus, and cleave to his will. My dear child is kept in much 
 peace, and she prays that the trial may answer all that the Lord 
 intends before it is removed. Lord, I add my prayers to hers ; 
 so let it be ! I shall certainly feel her loss severely. With her 
 I can consult about every circumstance. To her I can tell 
 every temptation ; and her watchful attention over each infirm- 
 ity of my body is uncommon. Her skill in managing all the 
 affairs of my family is very great ; she takes off all burdens 
 from me, and leaves me wholly free. Her help in the work 
 of God also is unspeakable. She assists me in memory, in 
 speaking to the people, in judging concerning them, in reprov- 
 ing and exhorting ; and I do nothing in the church affairs but 
 with her counsel. In her own meetings, a few of which she 
 still will keep up, her word is clothed with power ; and many, 
 very many, are weeping through fear of her loss. I feel the 
 Lord requires me to keep looking to him alone, and living only 
 the present hour, with a continual Abraham-like spirit, holding 
 my sacrifice before the Lord, to whom my more than all is due. 
 August 14. I have been renewing my covenant with the 
 Lord this day, to abandon all my whole cause, both of soul 
 and body, into his hand ! and to offer afresh to follow the Lamb 
 whithersoever he goeth. Fourteen years of widowhood I have 
 this day completed. And now it seems as if my last, my only 
 remaining friend and comfort, was called for ! And I have been
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 247 
 
 pleading with the Lord that I may cling to his dear will. Yes- 
 terday morning I had a sweet refreshing gale from Sion's top, 
 and such confidence I felt in the all-sufficiency of the Saviour, 
 that I could lean all my weight -of care on the Lord, and saw 
 his arm was under both my friend and me. It lifted off my 
 care, and healed my suffering mind. This morning I have 
 strove to humble myself before the Lord, and to inquire whether 
 I may ask the healing of my child ! It seemed as if I was led 
 to stand still ; for though no trial of the kind could be so near 
 my heart, yet I feel my dearest concern is the glory of God. 
 And therefore I can only say, Thy will be done ! But if the 
 cup may pass from me ! Lord, let silence plead my cause ! I 
 will not ask any thing, but such a gracious conduct toward us, 
 as will bring most glory to thee, and for which we shall most 
 praise thee in eternity. 
 
 August 30. This has been a day of searching into my heart. 
 I see there is great need of the Lord to lay to his hand. I want 
 a deliverance I do not yet feel. The Spirit of God is a spirit 
 of illumination. That I in a low degree feel. I have a light 
 which increases in reading the Scriptures; and some fresh 
 views of the amazing glory of redemption are given to me. 
 Secondly, The Spirit of God is a spirit of "prayer, of groans 
 unutterable." A little of this I feel, but out of seven times a 
 day in prayer, often I have not what I call the spirit of prayer, 
 above three or four times. Thirdly, The Spirit of God is a 
 spirit of humiliation. Surely I may say I have this mark ; but 
 I do not love humiliation, at least till I have had time to reflect. 
 I do not run to embrace it,* nor pick it up as I would a jewel. 
 Fourthly, The Spirit of God is a spirit of sanctification, puri- 
 fying the heart. I do feel it is working that in me. Yet I am 
 not free from reptile thoughts, those which crawl on the earth. 
 They do not, it is true, carry the stamp of sin upon them, yet 
 they hinder prayer. Fifthly, The Spirit of God is the spirit of 
 love. What shall I say to this ? My love to God does increase : 
 I can say, O God ! my chief joy ! but I can very seldom say, 
 O God ! my exceeding joy ! My love seems faint and dim, 
 and that to my neighbour keeps pace with it. I deny myself 
 for their sake, but that is nothing. The pleasure I feel in 
 helping the distressed, is greater than that which I deny myself 
 in. Indeed, if I did not do so, I should know " the love of the 
 Father was not in me." But I cannot rest till I feel a greater 
 measure of that love which brought my Saviour from heaven to 
 earth, to take on him the iniquity of us all. O Jesus, let that 
 mind be in me that was in thee ! I ask it in thy name ! 
 
 * Is not this too strong 1 Ought we to run to meet that which must be sin to 
 others 1 We must indeed be conformed to the Sun of God ; and we should bear 
 his reproach, not only with patience, but with joy. In a mind so devoted as Mrs. 
 Fletcher's, the meaning must be good, but there may be some danger to others in 
 this strong way of expressing it ED. ,
 
 248 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 
 
 September 12. I am this day threescore. My dear husband 
 would have been seventy. But he has had fourteen years in 
 glory. Lord, prepare me for all prepared for me ! O let me 
 live my last days to thy glory as I have never done ! Yesterday 
 the Lord gave me that word, " When thou goest through the 
 waters, they shall not overflow thee." I asked if I might pray 
 for my dearest comfort to be spared. That text seemed an 
 answer ; " Be careful for nothing, but in every thing, by prayer 
 and supplication, make your requests known unto God." For 
 some days her cough has been more strong, and more frequent. 
 I feel the will of God my sure defence. If he please, he can yet 
 raise my dear friend ; but if he have otherwise determined, It 
 is the Lord. He cannot err : I will not choose. 
 
 October 7. We have had the comfort to hear of the happy 
 death of Miss Styche. She told me the conviction she got 
 while at Mrs. Micklewright's school, abode with her for some 
 time. But, said she, afterward when I got into the world, all 
 you had said seemed wiped away. Then the Lord laid his 
 hand on me by this illness. A blessed illness it has been to 
 me, for it hatn brought me to seek him. But now I fear he 
 will never receive, nor forgive me. When we 'told her of the 
 great atonement and perfect righteousness of the Saviour, she 
 seemed as if she would swallow every word. She then said, 
 When Mr. Walter visits me I often feel comforted ; but I can- 
 not retain it ; and I feel my heart full of sin. At this time she 
 was torn with evil tempers, unable to live, and afraid to die. 
 Suffering much, and having no comfort ; so that nothing seemed 
 to please or satisfy her. Yet she struggled hard to obtain not 
 only consolation, but the mind that was in Christ. One day 
 as a few of us were at prayer with her, she received such a lift 
 of faith as delivered her from all her bonds. From that hour 
 all about her were amazed at the change. She was all the 
 lamb, and the dove ! The new creature shone clear indeed. 
 When my Sally was saying, Shortly you will come to the 
 blessed moment, when, "ready winged for the flight," you 
 shall see the chariot of Israel come for you, her eyes sparkled 
 with delight, and she said, " I am so happy as I cannot express. 
 Sometimes I have fiery darts ; but I look to Jesus, and he turns 
 them away. He is always with me." She continued thus to 
 the last. A few hours before she died, she seemed to have 
 much of the presence of God, repeating with great delight, 
 " Ready wing'd, ready wing'd !" She then begged her young 
 sister to turn to God, saying, " You must cleave to those who 
 have done me so much good. Y'ou see how I am, and I would 
 not be otherwise ; I would not live for a thousand worlds. I 
 have such a prospect so clear into eternity. Jesus hath saved 
 me! He hath washed me from my sins his own blood 
 He hath put on me the white robe, and I see my way clear
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 249 
 
 cleave to the people that have been so blessed to me." Soon 
 after she said, Molly, Molly, look ! do not you see these sweet 
 creatures?" Her sister replied, " No, I do not." To which 
 Miss Styche said, " But I do, they are come for me." Molly 
 asked, What are they like ? She replied, " They are glorified 
 spirits ! they are virgins they are come for me ! Yes; they 
 are come for me !" And immediately, 
 
 ;l She clapt the glad wing, and tower'd away, 
 TV) mingle with the blaze of day !" 
 
 She died October the 4th, in her twenty-first year. 
 
 November 12. Many solemn thoughts, yet, such as have 
 led to God, have occupied my mind to-day. When I look back 
 eighteen years, it gives me pleasure to recollect, that my dear 
 love and I agreed, that we would not limit our union by that 
 word, " Till death us doth part," but that we would consider 
 our covenant as eternal. Not that we meant to tie each other 
 from a future marriage ; but that our union of soul was never 
 to be broken. Often when we have been speaking together of 
 this, he would say, " Well, Polly, then our spiritual, as well 
 as our temporal mercies, are mutual." From this recollection, 
 
 1 was led to consider that text, " He hath made us meet to 
 partake of the inheritance of the saints in light," and felt a 
 power to pray as I have often done, that I might be permitted 
 to share in his joy, now inherited before the throne. At night, 
 in the society, my faith was somewhat increased. 
 
 December 23. T am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My 
 dear child grows worse : well, I will cling to that rock, Thy 
 will be done ! This shall be my momentary employ the 
 remainder of my life. Not one on earth to whom I can con- 
 verse of the past trials through which she hath walked with 
 me ! Well, my Lord, thou knowest my solitary situation. 
 The pain she suffers from that dreadful cough, and a compli- 
 cation of complaints, would constrain, I think, any besides 
 herself to keep their bed. But while there is a grain of strength 
 given to her, she will use it, both in the work of God, and in 
 the care of our affairs. I will hang upon that word, " I will 
 bring the blind by a way they know not : I will lead them in 
 paths which they have not known. I will make darkness light 
 before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I 
 do for them, and not forsake them." 
 
 January 20, 1800. This morning as I was laying before the 
 Lord the sufferings of my dear child, I thought, if the hairs of 
 our head are-numbered, then I am sure each time she has that 
 cough, so hard, so violent, it is noticed by the Lord. I felt that 
 it was ; and asked, with submission, that it might be removed, 
 or that he would graciously show that it was sent in love. 
 After awhile, these words were sweetly impressed on my mind, 
 " The light affliction which is but for a moment shall work out
 
 250 THE LIFE OF [PART VI!- 
 
 for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." I 
 felt that word, far more exceeding, so that I answered, Well, 
 my blessed Lord, I will hold to my old word, God shall choose 
 our inheritance for us. Give me, O Lord, to find my all in 
 thee ! Last night, in the society, those words were impressed 
 on my mind, Seek first the kingdom of God, and all things 
 else shall be added unto you. 
 
 March 17. Yesterday Mary Wyke entered glory, in the 
 nineteenth year of her age. She is a remarkable answer to 
 prayer. In the beginning of her illness she was very careless 
 and hard ; but after much suffering, she was brought to know 
 herself, and to seek the Lord. He was pleased to manifest his 
 love to her in some degree, but still she had a great hankering 
 after life ; and at times she was much troubled with unholy 
 tempers, which she sorely lamented. A few months ago her 
 body being brought to the state of a Lazarus, she was consi- 
 dering whether there was any likelihood of recovery, when 
 those words were powerfully applied to her heart, " Thou shalt 
 die and not live." This, she told me, she knew to be the voice 
 of God; and felt all her will for life immediately taken away. 
 From that day a mighty change appeared upon her. She has 
 had much of the presence of the Lord, and been kept in a sweet, 
 calm, loving state, ripening for glory declaring she was will- 
 ing to suffer as long as the Lord should please, for she knew 
 her pains were working out a "farther weight of glory." 
 Sometimes she was triumphantly happy ; at other times, she 
 could only lie and groan in agony ; but even then she would 
 say, if asked, " I am happy ; and I have no will." A fortnight 
 before her death she dreamed her grandmother, who died here 
 in the Lord a few years ago, came to her, and a person whom 
 she did not know came with her. That person said, " Mary, 
 hold faith and patience a little longer, and you shall be with 
 us." The night before she died she was very happy. Ten 
 minutes before she departed, her mother said,. Are you happv. 
 my dear! She, with difficulty, answered, " Yes," and soo'n 
 ceased breathing. Eternity is very near ! O, for a swifter 
 progress in our souls ! 
 
 March 31. This has been a day of recollection, and of 
 groaning after a fuller manifestation of the Lord's power. It 
 is a time of trial. -My dear child, what does she suffer ! Yet 
 how patient and passive in the hand of God ! I seem left to 
 suffer ; yet I am wonderfully supported too. Wei], comfort is 
 not that which I most desire. I feel my strongest desire is, 
 that the nature of God may be more powerfully stamped on my 
 soul. 
 
 May 21. The Lord does not suffer my sorrowful attention 
 to hinder his work. Last Sunday, I was at the Wood. Never, 
 I think, did I feel more freedom. O my God ! work for the
 
 PART VH.] MRS. FLETCHER. 251 
 
 glory of thy name on this people ! I feel their soula very near 
 to me. The Lord is with us in trouble, and my dear Sally is 
 kept in a calm, quiet frame. Through all she suffers, she saye, 
 she has such a sense how safe she is in the hand of God, that 
 his time either for ease or death, is the best time. 
 
 August 1. My dear friend is yet no belter. Last night was 
 a painful one. that this trial may have its due effect on us 
 both ! I long for full conformity to all the will of God. I see 
 every grace increases by use. I am called to exercise faith, 
 and as faith gathers strength, I know every other grace will 
 keep pace with it. I have had much temptation since I wrote 
 last; but how tan faith be in full exercise if we see all clearly? 
 
 September 24. Lord, thine eyes are upon us-! We see and 
 feel thy help in the midst of our trials. I have little time to 
 write, my dear child being now so very bad ; but I am led to 
 live on that word, " Thy will be done." It is a day of clouds, 
 and at times of thick darkness. All my help seems to be in 
 clinging to the will of God. One sentence Miss Ritchie (now 
 Mrs. Mortimer) read in sister Johnson's letter from Bristol, 
 was blest to me. She says " When we look at Jesus by faith, 
 Satan loses his power, and if I may so speak, his place, which 
 is the reasoning faculty."* 
 
 January 1, 1801. What have I seen, and felt since last I 
 wrote ! On December 3d, my dearest child and friend went 
 triumphantly to glory ! I was helped to write an account of 
 her devoted life and happy death, and read it to the society, 
 while her precious corpse was in the house. I have now scarce 
 strength to look it over. How does the Lord help us in the 
 needful hour! In the ordering of her funeral, and various 
 things which fell on me alone, I have been brought through, 
 and proved her dying words, "He will put his .everlasting arms 
 underneath you." He doth, and I am borne up. But O, what 
 a loss do I sustain ! God only knows what she was to me, 
 and himself alone can fill the aching void ! What adds to the 
 weight is, I have not that communion with God I long for. I 
 
 * An undue dependence on the reasoning faculty, is indeed Satan's strong 
 hold, and Irighest delusion. Any repulse to this temptation, he will suggest, must 
 amount to a renunciation of that noble gift of God ! It is thus " the strong one, 
 armed" with the pride, self-will, prejudice, and worldly spirit of the sinner, 
 (which he will call his reason,) " keepeth his house, and his goods are in peace." 
 In this state our Lord found the fallen Jewish nation ; and in this state Luther 
 (not to mention other reformers) found the fallen Christian church. Almost :n 
 this state (but with a pure doctrine in the established creeds, and liturgy,) did Mr. 
 Wesley find this favoured kingdom. In this state also does the " Spir it of Christ' 
 find every natural man, however learned or wise. But who will sink under 
 that sentence of death which the Holy Spirit pronounces, John xvi, 8-1 1, against 
 all this deceivableness of unrighteousness 1 Only the man who submi 
 have faith placed on the throne usurped by the "reasoning faculty." 
 any man know " the salvation that is through faith," but the man who res 
 juaintains that divine allegiance ; who steadily walks by the same rule, ana 
 minds the same things. ED.
 
 252 THE LIFE OF [PART VII , 
 
 am amazed at the resignation which I feel. Yes, I do, I will 
 adore him, for taking awuy my all from me.* I fear I hung 
 too much on her. I did nothing without her counsel, and truly 
 I was dearer to her than herself. To the last she felt in the 
 most tender manner for me, and often said, " If the Lord saw 
 good, how gladly would I drink this bitter cup instead of you ! 
 and close your eyes instead of you closing mine. But the will 
 of God is all to us ; in that we are agreed we live in ' Thy 
 will he done.' " I do not know indeed the heart of a stranger; 
 and I do trust the Lord is about to make me " his own habita- 
 tion through the indwelling Spirit." Now and then, for a 
 moment, I have such a display of God, as I know and feel would 
 turn my gloomy night into a bright day. But it is but for a 
 moment, and then seems to shut up again. I must remember 
 my dear Sally's words, "We are both waiting for the Lord;" 
 and " it is good to hope, and quietly to wait for the salvation of 
 God." I begin this year as a hermit: ah! that I may end it 
 as a saint. Come, Lord Jesus, and fulfil all thy gracious pro- 
 mises to my waiting soul ! 
 
 I sometimes feel her as being present with me. We had all 
 things in common here, and I trust I shall partake of her hea- 
 venly inheritance. Thinking of that one night when I was very 
 sad, in a moment all.the gloom went off, and such a sweetness 
 came over my soul as seemed to wipe away all grief. I drop- 
 ped asleep, and these words sounded in my ears all night, 
 
 " They driak the deifying stream, 
 And pluck th' ambrosial fruit" 
 
 March 11. What cause I have to bless the Lord ! How 
 often have I feared, if I lost my dear friend, I should not be able 
 to glorify God, that I should have no spirit to go through any 
 thing. But it is not so. I never felt more light and liberty in 
 speaking to the people than I do now ; and though very trying 
 circumstances have occurred in the work of God, as well as in 
 my family affairs, yet I have been carried through all in a man- 
 ner that amazes me. How faithful is the Lord ! 
 
 June 5. I continue to feel my loss severely ; yet I also feel 
 I love and adore the will of God. Yea, and I admire it. What 
 wisdom and love do I see in all this cutting dispensation ! I 
 cleaved too much to that precious gift, which was lent to me 
 in order to raise my soul to God. One night I dreamed I saw 
 her standing before me. I cried out, O my dear love, are you 
 come ? I have waited for this. She expressed the tenderest 
 regard, but without words, and it left a sweet ^ensation on my 
 mind. Another time I dreamedf I was involved in great trials, 
 
 * T&is was beyond the highest sensible consolation. ED. 
 
 t In this way of divine direction and encouragement the Lord acts as a Sove- 
 reign, and gives as he sees good. To this the Holy Scripture bears full testi- 
 mony. Mrs. Fletcher was often thus favoured Bat how mercifully wa she
 
 PARTVH.] MRS. FLETCHER. 253 
 
 and thought, O, if my Sally had been now with me, all would 
 nave been nothing. Immediately I saw her just by me ! and 
 she gave me to know, she was nearer than I thought. I know 
 our friends are not really divided from us ; they are only become 
 invisible. Perhaps if we saw the spirits of our dear companions 
 at sucn seasons, we mfght be much tempted to put our trust in 
 them. A veil is therefore drawn between; and all for our 
 eternal good. But the Scripture declares, "We are come to 
 the spirits of just men made perfect;" but this is far more plain 
 to their eyes than to ours, which are as yet under the veil. 
 Lord, give me to rely on thyself alone ! 
 
 July 14. I had this morning a comfortable season while 
 meeting the class. Those words of Fenelon were much on 
 my mind, "I will, with John, lean on his breast, and feed on 
 love, by joining my heart to his." Sometimes, while speaking 
 on faith, such a sweetness overspreads my soul, as if I had run 
 into the bosom of my Lord. I see, at those times, such an all- 
 sufficiency in the Saviour, and such a vastness in that thought, 
 "We have boldness and access through him," and again, 
 ' He hath borne all our sins in his own body on the tree," that 
 it seemed I had only to run to the Saviour every moment, as a 
 child to its fond parent ! Lord, open the way of faith more 
 and more to my waiting soul ! 
 
 August 15. Yesterday was a solemn day to me. Sixteen 
 years are passed siace my eyes beheld the awful scene of my 
 dear husband's entrance "into glory. O what have I passed 
 through since that time! Could I'then have known that my 
 precious friend would have been taken also, how it would have 
 aggravated the bitter cup! But blessed be God that all the 
 future is hid in his will. There I find a solid rest. It is now 
 a little more than seven months since I lost her, and I have 
 been, and am enabled to say, Jesus hath done all things well. 
 I feel my soul more on stretch after God, and my old promises 
 seem to revive afresh, as if drawing near to the time of accom- 
 plishment. That promise in particular, Thou shalt walk with 
 me in white. 
 
 August 20. I awoke this morning with strong desire and 
 prayer, that every thought might this day be the Lord's. O, 
 why is there any distance ! Come, my beloved, and take the 
 full possession of every power ! My soul is grieved that I have 
 not more ardour in speaking for God : though, blessed be his 
 name, I have found him graciously with me at times in the 
 meetings. But I do not catch every occasion as my dear SaLiy 
 did. The other day a man came to sell something we wanted. 
 Being engaged in writing I sent one of the family to take it 
 
 preserved from placing any undue dependence on theee favours ! The word of 
 Gad was the guide to which she referred every thing, and by which she "tried 
 the spirits whether they were of God." E0. 
 22
 
 264 THE LIFE OP fPARTTIJ, 
 
 for me. After he was gone, she told me the man had said, he 
 had two children sick of the small pox, and had never had it 
 himself. I asked earnestly, And did you not talk to him about 
 his soul ? She answered, No. O, what did I feel ! Had I 
 gone down myself how much better should I have been em- 
 ployed ! 
 
 Lord's day, August 23. In the meeting this morning I found 
 tiie Lord present ; and I had also a little opportunity of helping 
 his people. O what a favour ! I, who once expected to be 
 left without the necessaries of life for myself, have now such 
 frequent opportunities of helping the poor! Lord, thou art 
 
 food to me beyond expression ! This evening I spent two 
 ours in retirement, and found it the best of all the day. God 
 gave me a praying spirit. But it was also a time of deep humi- 
 liation. Such a crowd of words and acts, foolish and sinfui, 
 which were spoken or committed forty or fifty years ago, pressed 
 into my mind like so many barbed arrows. I see in myself, 
 from a child, a depth of the fall beyond, I think, any other. 
 But this evening, though I felt deeply sorrowful, and ready to 
 iie down under the feet of all, I found it mixed with encouraging 
 hope. These words bore much on my mind, 
 
 '' I shall soon obtain the grace, 
 4fe Pare in heart to see thy face." 
 
 August 28^-This morning I awoke after a restless night, 
 with a-strong desire to live to God. In prayer I found some 
 encouragement. In visiting some pick also 1 felt the presence 
 of God. J. B. seemed to be very comfortable under his afflic- 
 tion, and much led to look to Jesus through all ; for, said he, 
 " What a delight it is to rejoice in God, though in anguish and 
 pain ! Why it is all from him ! all from him ! that is my com- 
 fort." I see more and more, souls grow best in the furnace. 
 It is our "proper soil while here ; to enjoy is by and by. 
 
 October 17. Lord, perform thy word, on "which thou hast 
 mace me to trust ! That saying of our Lord, in Mark xi, con- 
 cerning the fig tree, was much laid on my heart : " If ye have 
 faith, and doubt not, ye shall say to this mountain, depart!" 
 and "whatsoever things ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive, 
 and ye shall have them." That is, believe that it becomes 
 yours as sure as ye ask ; yea, at that time the grace ye ask for 
 is as it were held out to you ; and you may say, I have asked 
 a clean heart, a stayed mind, a baptism of the Spirit. Well, 
 they are mine ; I shall enjoy them. They are given as an 
 estate left to me : but I now want to enter into the possession. 
 My Jesus is preparing my heart for his own abode. He will 
 enter, and with him all his fulness, to fill up every aching void. 
 
 August 14, 1802. I have not written much the beginning of 
 this year, except what concerned the death of dear Mrs. Yate.* 
 * See page 276.
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 255 
 
 She has long walked in the ways of God, and often enjoyed 
 sweet and close communion with him. When very young she 
 received a letter which treated on the different states of the 
 inward and outward court worshippers.* She threw the letter 
 
 i the table, and clasping her hands together, she feU on her 
 knees, and cried to the Lord with a strong and vehement cry, 
 that she might become one of those who should worship him 
 m spirit and in truth. Her prayer was answered, and she 
 oecame truly devoted to a crucified Saviour. The souls of her 
 children lay very near her heart, and she spared no pains to 
 bring them to the knowledge of God. In the cause of God she 
 was deeply engaged, and to the utmost of her strength, visiting 
 the sick, and inviting sinners to the Lord. She was led in the 
 way of the cross, and being weak in body, she was much ex- 
 posed to temptation. In her last illness, she was frequently 
 buffeted by the enemy of her soul ; at other times she was 
 much comforted. Her most painful temptation was, that the 
 Lord would forsake her in the last conflict. After enduring this 
 for some time, she told me of some promises which had been 
 applied to her mind ; above all that word, " There is no con- 
 demnation to them that are in Christ Jesus." Yet these glooms, 
 as she called them, appeared dreadful to her. While we were 
 conversing, the spirit of faith came over us botMljjie light dis- 
 pelled all darkness, an|l' in speaking and prayerythere was a 
 power quite uncommon. She said, " I think you never had 
 such a time in this Chouse before ;" and indeed it was true. 
 From that hour she expressed herself as quite in peace, ever 
 after saying, " iTmve nothing to trouble me now." One day 
 she said, " When I look on my limbs worn to a skeleton, it is 
 with pleasure; for I know I shall go to God." At another 
 time she observed, " These words are much with me, ' Beloved, 
 think it n'ot strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try 
 you.' I leave myself in His hand, and all is peace.'' 
 
 On the 21st of January, I was conversing with her, and ex- 
 horting her to live the present moment as if she was sure to 
 die the next. A clear light seemed to shine powerfully on my 
 mind, as I was speaking; she entered into it and was refreshed. 
 As soon as I was gone, that word was strongly impressed on 
 her heart, This is the way, walk ye in it. On the 27th, ehe 
 observed, how comfortably she had walked ever since, that 
 life or death were now quite equal ; and that she wanted nothing 
 but the will of God to be done. "I am," said she, "quite 
 happy, and that word, our Father, is so opened to me, as fills 
 me with delight. I have nothing to hold me here. No, I am 
 ready to give up all. My children are near and dear to me, 
 but I am ready to leave them at his call." She had close trials, 
 uch as caused the most tender feelings. She observed, "I 
 
 * Written by Mrs. Fletcher. M, Toom
 
 256 THE LIFE OP [PART VH* 
 
 cannot distrust the Lord, for he supports me through every 
 thing. This morning, as I was in prayer, a wonderful sweet- 
 ness came over my soul ; and my will was so lost in the will 
 of God as I never found it before. I saw myself perfectly safe 
 in his hand, and I cannot ask either for myself or my children 
 any thing but his will. My dependence on the Lord is entire. 
 I would not have a choice of my own for all the world. He 
 orders every thing for me, small and great. No, I want nothing 
 for soul or body but by his order. He is continually telling 
 me, In blessing I will bless thee. O how sweet is that word, 
 ' There is no complaining in our streets !' No, no, I cannot 
 complain, I have no cause. All around me is blessing, and the 
 best of all is, my heart is full of love. O love, love! Let there 
 be nothing but love in my soul." 
 
 After a little while, she said, " I want to feel the change 
 more forcibly, I want to realize heaven ; I do not seem to see 
 glory 1" I replied, Jesus was perfectly holy, yet Ms soul was 
 sorrowful unto death. Holiness is not to be measured by- 
 perfect joy, but by perfect resignation. You can see Jesus, and 
 feel no will but his. She replied, " O yes, yes, I can see him, 
 he is ever with me, I have no will but what is lost in God : and 
 I am waiting the accomplishment of many glorious promises 
 which have^pn given me." 
 
 March 7.-=Bhe told me her cough bad been very bad, and 
 almost constant ; but, said she, " With every fit of coughing, 
 the Lord gave me some comfortable word. That word came 
 with great power, Not a sparrow falls to the ground without 
 your Father." She added, " I have had a night of suffering 
 and of comfort ; all my sins were brought before me, even from 
 my infancy, and I saw in myself such a depth of the fall as I 
 cannot put into words, but I need not fear, since Jesus saves 
 me. He forgiveth iniquity, transgression, and sin, and I 
 felt it was so. Afterward that word was applied, ' Eye hath 
 not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered the heart of 
 man to conceive what God hath prepared for them that love 
 him ;' and O, how I felt it was prepared for me ! Yes, he hath 
 prepared a place for me, and I shall be with him. In the after- 
 noon I was thinking of my husband and children, in particular 
 the two little ones, when'l had such a discovery of the tender 
 love and guardian care of the Lord, as took away every anxious 
 thought. O he is all in all true, I would not take them out of 
 his hand for the world. How is it, when I lie awake for hours, 
 and cannot sleep, nor hardly move, I can lie so comfortable ! 
 I feel such a rest ia God as sweetens all." She desired me to 
 return thanks to all her dear friends who had shown such sym- 
 pathy through all her sufferings. Thus, like a truly patient 
 lamb, she laid before the Lord from day to day, longing for the 
 happy hour of admittance into glory. As her outward strength
 
 J>ART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 
 
 decayed, her love, patience, and entire resignation, - B 
 increased. 
 
 April 12. She could scarcely speak, her throat being much 
 affected, as well as her lungs. She looked on me, and said, l 
 am very ill, but happy in my soul. I have had a sweet night. 
 I have no fear, no doubt ; I am waiting for the Lord." Soon 
 after, she began to change for death. She asked to be lifted up> 
 in order to tell more of the goodness of God, but could not form 
 the words she wanted to speak. She at length said, " I have 
 strong confidence," and soon after, without a struggle, she 
 entered into the joy of her Lord. 
 
 I praise the Lord for the measure of health I enjoy, which, 
 when I do not go beyond my strength, is quite comfortable! 
 And now, my Saviour, shine upon my soul, and tell me how it 
 is with that ? I think I feel my dependence more singly on 
 Jesus, more weaned from earth, and more athirst for the whole 
 mind of Christ. Indeed, there are moments when all is clear ; 
 but I want not to have a thought but such as is approved by a 
 smile of Jesus, and to have a witness constant and clear that 
 nothing but love dwells in my soul. I know I do taste of pure 
 love, but I do not abide in Jesus ; therefore I do not bring 
 forth much fruit. There is an entering into rest which I have 
 of late been particularly led to ask for ; sometimes it seems 
 near, and I am waiting for it in a clearer maflfcr than usual. 
 Some observations which I read the other day, were much 
 blessed to me. Speaking to a mourning soul, the author says, 
 "Make God, as he is in himself, the object of thy joy, without 
 any consideration of thyself at all.* Let your soul exult in that 
 thought, The Lord is my strength and my song, he also is 
 become my salvation. Observe, the Lord is then strong for 
 and in you, when you look to him alone, unmixed with any 
 thing else. But, on the other hand, when the eye of the soul 
 is double, looking partly for a fitness in itself, the light is put 
 out, as it is said of our Lord, He could not do many mighty 
 works because of their unbelief. This looking unto Jesus 
 is both an emptying and a filling grace. It empties the soul 
 of self and the creature, and fills it with God. It is a trans- 
 forming view ; the more we see of him, the more we shall be 
 like him. Does he not tell thee, This is the victory whereby 
 we overcome, even our faith ? Wouldst thou have the victory 
 first, and believe afterward 1 'But I am conscious of idols !' 
 Then plead the promise, From all thine idols I will cleanse 
 thee. This is reaching out to the things before. ' But I fear 
 I am not willing to part with them.' Perhaps not ; but if thou 
 wilt look to Jesus, and wait at his feet, and tell him of thy help- 
 lessness, he will so shine out on thy soul that the love of all 
 other things shall drop off. What becomes of the stars when 
 
 * See the note in page 177. 
 22*
 
 258 THE LIFE op [PART VIL. 
 
 the sun shines? Do they not disappear before the greater 
 linrht ? So shall every other love before that mighty love he 
 will pour into thee. But remember thou art to hold fast thy 
 confidence, which hath great recompense of reward ; for ye 
 have need of patience, that when ye have done the will of 
 God, ye may receive the promise. Now this single eye, this 
 constant act of faith, glorifying in hope to the end, is doing 
 the will of God, and thus you shall receive the promise." 
 
 November 13. Yesterday concluded twenty-one years since 
 I joined in an eternal covenant with my dear Mr. Fletcher. O 
 what advantages I have had through my union with some of 
 the most excellent of the earth ! But, alas ! how little have I 
 profited to what I might have done ! I have this morning been 
 crying to the Lord to stir me up to more faithfulness. I am 
 now in my sixty-fourth year, almost at the end of my race, 
 and the great work of an entire conformity to God is yet to be 
 gained. I found freedom in prayer, so that an hour on my 
 knees seemed to pass as quick as a quarter usually does, and 
 I hope and believe I shall from this day keep up the intense 
 desire. 
 
 Sunday, November 22. Through illness, I have been out 
 but once this day. It is long since I have been forced to miss 
 a meeting ; but I find all right my Master orders. It has been 
 a good Sabbatfr to my soul. I was truly humbled to hear how 
 the dear people wept and prayed for me ! O my God, let that 
 word be perfectly fulfilled, " Then shalt thou have thy delight 
 in the Almighty, and shalt lift up thy face,unto God." As I 
 was reading chap, xxxi of Genesis, that wonf struck me, 7 am 
 the God of Bethel ! Twenty years had elapsed, yet saith God, 
 I am he that gave thee those sweet promises in that place. I 
 arn the same for ever ! While meditating on this, it seemed as 
 if he said to me, I am the God who told thee, Thou shall walk 
 with me in white. Ah ! my Lord, I hang on thee with a firm 
 belief. Thy words are tried words, purer than silver. The 
 Lord will keep his promise for ever. 
 
 December 23. I was much struck this morning in reading 
 at the time of family prayer, the account of Jacob wrestling 
 with the angel. I felt it kindle in me a degree of ardour 
 which I did not feel before, to say with him, I will not let thee 
 go unless thou bless me, yea, with the full communion of 
 thy love. 
 
 February 18. I have been confined near a month, and only 
 able to speak in a low whisper. The disease is supposed to be 
 a dropsy in the chest. I am sometimes in the night in danger 
 of being suffocated. The night before last, I was very bad : 
 and aa I lay waiting in peace before the Lord, that word was 
 applied with unusual power, " Call upon me in the day of 
 trouble, I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." Ah !
 
 PART VII.J MRS. FLETCHER. 259 
 
 my Lord, I do call on thee for more grace, but I cannot ask 
 te or death ; I love the dear people, and feel a pain in leaving 
 them ; yet I can only commit all to my adorable unerring Head 
 April 5. Last night I laboured much for breath, and could 
 not lie down. I saw myself encompassed with mercy and love 
 As 1 was reflecting on the uncertainty of the issue of my com- 
 lamt, tne thought struck me, my Lord was at this season sold 
 ato the hands of men, who strove to join with devils to afflict 
 mm ; and if kind physicians should mistake, and make me suffer, 
 I may be said to be given into the hands of men, but not with- 
 out the Lord. These words were sweet, 
 
 " I fain with thee would sympathize. 
 And share the sufferings of my Lord !" 
 
 Ae I was reflecting that I had nothing to plead only 
 
 '' Jesus my salvation is, 
 This shall stand, and only this," 
 
 a dart came across my mind, What if Calvinism be- true? 
 
 len you may be one he hates ! Immediately that word came 
 ' He hateth nothing that he hath made, his mercv is over all 
 his works." Well, rny Lord, this I plead, 7 am thine, save me ! 
 Give me to glorify thee, through the fire, and through water. 
 1 he tenderness of Miss Tooth,, whom the Lord hath sent to 
 me, is very great. 
 
 April 11. The Lord hath permitted me to be sorely exer- 
 cised through the want of breath. The night before last I was 
 forced to sit up m bed till four o'clock. Last night, blessed be 
 God, the fit lasted but one hour, and then I rested comfortably. 
 My one act is that of clinging to the will of God. 
 
 June 2. Blessed be the Lord, he hath fulfilled his word. He 
 bids. me "call upon him in the day of trouble ;" and in mv 
 deliverance I do glorify him, and acknowledge his dear and 
 powerful hand. I have been for some time restored to my com- 
 fortable meetings, and preserved in tolerable health, with power 
 to he down in peace, and take quiet rest. O that this late dis- 
 pensation may rouse my soul more abundantly to labour after 
 a more perfect rest ! Lord, establish me with thy free Spirit ! 
 This morning one called who gave me the following extraor- 
 dinary account : "On Saturday I had that word applied, 'As 
 the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you, abide ye in my 
 love.' But on Sunday night, while you %vere speaking on, HOVD 
 we ought to venture on Christ, my soul was greatly lifted up, 
 my faith began to rekindle, and I felt extraordinary power all 
 the way home. At family prayer my soul was sweetly drawn 
 out. Just as we were going to bed, I opened my Testament 
 on those words, 'Ask what ye will, and I will do it for you.' I 
 felt the power, and thought, I will not go to bed ; I will stay and 
 wrestle with the Lord. I did so ; and O, what did I feel ! I
 
 260 THE LIFE OF [PART Vlf. 
 
 have often had glorious times, but never such a time as that. 
 Those precious words were applied, ' You are sealed to the day 
 of redemption.' Since then,*as I was hearing a sermon on the 
 New Jerusalem, I had such a glorious sight as I cannot de- 
 scribe ! I cannot tell it to you." I asked, Was it a sight of 
 the place, or of the Saviour! He answered, "It was both. I 
 had four distinct sights ; I saw the glory of the Father, the 
 glory of the Redeemer, and then the Redeemer in his man- 
 hood, as covered with wounds : and also the Holy Spirit in his 
 glory, ready to seal every soul who would take shelter in those 
 wounds ! I now feel my soul all on the watch. I seem as if I 
 feared to speak or move, lest I should in any wise grieve that 
 Holy Spirit." 
 
 My soul was much comforted at hearing this. Ah ! Lord, 
 hast thou begun ? Then thou wilt go on. I do now believe an 
 outpouring of thy Spirit will soon be given, and " times of re- 
 freshing shall come from the presence of the Lord." This 
 man had a taste of pure love some months ago, but lost it 
 through unprofitable reasonings. Ever since his first awaken- 
 ing, he has been a pattern to others, and, I believe, never lost 
 liia first love.* 
 
 July 4. When I awoke, I found those words applied, "Pray 
 without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks." This morn- 
 ing, reflecting on them while in prayer, the whole passage 
 seemed to be applied to my heart, " Rejoice evermore, pray 
 without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks, for this is the 
 will of God in Christ Jesus, concerning you." The last words 
 made a deep impression, " concerning you ;" and I take it as 
 a message from heaven. Lord, give me power to fulfil this 
 sweet direction ! 
 
 July 18. A few nights since those words seemed continual- 
 ly with me, 
 
 " In all my ways his hand I own, 
 His ruling providence I see." 
 
 The next day a change took place in my house, and several cir- 
 cumstances occurred in church affairs. O what a comfort was 
 that sentence to me ! Yes, my Lord, I do see thou dost order 
 all things, and on thee I rest. 
 
 August 19. This last week has been very solemn. Eighteen 
 years my dear husband has been in glory. O ! how has each 
 day brought its remembrance ! O carry on thy work in my 
 soul with more power ! I cannot have much longer to remain 
 here. I see and feel thy gracious hand extended over me for 
 good, and I long for a full conformity to my Lord. 
 
 November 12. ^This day twenty-two years, at this very hour, 
 
 * It is with great propriety that Mrs. Fletcher bears this testimony concerning 
 Ihe spirit and conduct of d person who was favoured with such manifestation*
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 261 
 
 I was in Batley church, solemnly engaging to be one soul, one 
 body, one interest, with my beloved husband for ever ! But 
 what have I seen in these twenty-two years? What deep 
 waters have I passed through 1 I have been brought through, 
 and mercy hath followed me to tliis hour. On this day I devote 
 myself afresh to God. Let our wedding day be a fresh conse- 
 cration unto him who is the centre of our union ! A little be- 
 fore my dear love's last illness, he indulged a train of thoughts 
 on what I should do, and how I should live without him. He 
 spoke tenderly of my marrying again ; but finding I could not 
 bear the thought, he said no more. Since his death, the light 
 hath always shone quite clear on my soul, that I was not called 
 to join in marriage with any man on earth, but to preserve the 
 privileges of a single life, which are so graciously bestowed 
 upon me. Satan has spared no pains to trouble me in this way , 
 but, blessed be the Lord, my light in this hath never been dark- 
 ened one moment. I am the Lord's, and he hath opened my 
 way before me, and still makes my cup run over with loving 
 kindness and mercy. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that 
 is within me bless his holy name." 
 
 November 14. In meeting the people on Sunday morning, 
 I was struck with that thought, " The mind is to the soul what 
 the mouth is to the body." I must take in food or lose my 
 strength ; but if I take poison I must die. Nay, if I avoid poi- 
 son, but yet feed on wood and chaff, I shall as surely die. So 
 the mind is the mouth of the soul ; and though I should start 
 at any thought apparently sinful, yet if I starve it, instead ot" 
 continually endeavouring to draw the sincere milk of the word, 
 I still sow to corruption, and what I sow, that I ifhall reap. 
 Then let me fix my eye on the great mystery of 'God made 
 man ! Why did God become man ? It was man by whom the 
 covenant was broken, and therefore man must have suitable 
 punishment laid upon him. It was God with whom it was 
 broken, and therefore God must have suitable satisfaction made 
 unto him. And as to that satisfaction, it was man that had 
 offended, therefore it was man alone that could make it suita- 
 ble. It was God that was offended, and therefore it was God 
 alone that could make it sufficient. Now, being man as well 
 as God, it behoved him to fulfil all righteousness, to keep tho 
 whole law in the perfect manner required by the Adamic dis- 
 pensation : yet, as being God co-equal with the Father, it was 
 not from duty, but merely upon our account, that he thus sub- 
 jected himself to the yoke of his own laws, himself, as God, 
 being the Lawgiver, and so no more under it than the Father 
 himself. Whatever, therefore, Christ did or suffered in the 
 flesh, was meritorious, and the believer has accepted it. Mr. 
 Wesley observes, in his note in the sermon on The Lord our 
 Righteousness, This obedience of Christ, as it was infinite,
 
 262 THE LIFE OF [PART VII, 
 
 pure, and perfect, did, without doubt, infinitely transcend all the 
 obedience of all the sons of men, even if they had remained in 
 their primitive state ; for their obedience would still have been 
 but the obedience of finite creatures, whereas the obedience of 
 Christ was the obedience of one who was truly God as well as 
 man, by which the laws of God had a divine obedience perform- 
 ed to them. They could command no more than the obedience 
 of finite creatures ; whereas the obedience of Christ was the 
 obedience of one who was the infinite Creator, as well as a 
 finite creature ; and by this he hath purchased for us a far 
 greater salvation than if man had net fallen. As our Head he 
 hath also entered, yea, as our Forerunner, into that glorious 
 union with the Deity which we could never have known but by 
 the Word being made flesh, and performing this righteousness 
 in our behalf. Now this transcendent glory, called the joy of 
 the Lord, we are called to enter into to be heirs of God, and 
 joint heirs with Christ. As himself hath said, The glory 
 which thou hast given me, I have given them. 
 
 December 3. This day three years my dear Sally entered 
 glory. O that I may be permitted to share with her the inhe- 
 ritance of the saints in light .' I think I do enjoy it in a mea- 
 sure, for it is amazing to me how calm and comfortable my 
 mind is kept, and how the Lord doth provide help for me in 
 every circumstance. I have nothing to do but prepare for death. 
 O for a constant look upward ! 
 
 March 3, 1801. I have a deep conviction on my mind to-day 
 of that truth, The heart of man always seeks rest in something; 
 therefore thoughts that please, and that have not the appear- 
 ance of evil in themselves, yet if they are unnecessary, they 
 may lead to a seeking rest out of God. Here I have found S&- 
 tan very busy, and am often forced to cry out, " I will know 
 nothing but Jesus Christ, and him crucified." My heart is much 
 in expectation of a closer union with my God than I have ever 
 known. I wait for the Lord. 
 
 April 26. Glory be to God. I find him near ; he seems to 
 be sitting on my soul as a refiner's fire, and so calling every 
 thought into judgment as I never found before. We have had 
 very sweet times of worship lately. The Lord is indeed car- 
 rying on his work, blessed be his name ; and I trust this meet- 
 ing of the children will be for good. In this, Miss Tooth is 
 made of great use to me. O my tender Father ! Thou dost 
 not suffer me to want any thing. 
 
 June 17. Help me, O my Saviour ! It seems as if I could 
 not get those answers to prayer which I want. Yet he gives 
 me little touches, some tokens for good, before I rise from my 
 knees. But O ! it is not what I long for. Such a sight I have 
 of late into that word, Let that mind be in you that was in 
 Chritt Jesus ? O how much is contained therein ! Yet I see
 
 PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 263 
 
 it is my privilege, for so I see the privilege held out by St. 
 John, "Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have 
 boldness in the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we, 
 m this world." I find many have been blest in our meetings 
 lately ; but I did not hear of it till several days after the time. 
 And hence it has been a season of temptation and discourage- 
 ment with me. I thought what I had said was so short of what 
 ought to have been spoken, that all the next week I felt a deep 
 conviction, that unless the Lord put words into my mouth, and 
 gave power with them, no good would be done. I even feared 
 that the Lord did not approve of my calling the people together, 
 when there was no one but me to speak to them. Yet I knew 
 well that all the good done upon the earth is the Lord's doing, 
 and that he can work by the meanest instrument. However, 
 this was the conclusion, I must ask and wrestle for every meet- 
 ing, public and private, and hang by faith on Christ alone, 
 believing that word, "It is not you that speak, but the Spirit of 
 your Father which speaketh in you." On last Monday night 
 I felt the answer. Then I had great freedom, and I cannot 
 tell how many have since praised God for the blessing brought 
 into their souls that night. I can do nothing without much 
 prayer. 
 
 July 10. We have had an awful affair at a pit hard by. 
 Three young men were killed outright. The following Sunday 
 they were buried, and it was computed that more than a thou- 
 sand persons attended their funeral. Mr. Walter took the 
 opportunity to speak to them, I trust not without effect. As 
 some had been burnt in that pit not long before, the master or- 
 dered the tools, &c, to be brought up, declaring he would have 
 no more coal got there, at least for a time. Accordingly a man, 
 one of our exhorters, who was an overseer of the work, went 
 down with his eldest son, a fine youth about sixteen, and 
 some other men. Just as the overseer got in, the vapour 
 caught fire again, killed his son, and a boy who was with him, 
 and most dreadfully burnt himself and another man. Here was 
 a trial indeed ! Both himself and his wife much delighted in 
 that son, who was carried home dead, and himself not likely to 
 Jive an hour. His wife, who had a 'child at her breast, fainted 
 away, and for some time it was not known which would die 
 first. But the Lord supported them both by his almighty power ; 
 and the man was so filled with the love of God, in his greatest 
 extremity of pain, that he has been a wonder to all. He de- 
 -ared, that the Lord did so make his bed in his sickness that 
 he could feel no will but that of God ; and in that will he did 
 glory ! The other person who was burnt was a young man 
 that had a few years ago some desires after true religion, but 
 of late he had wholly fallen back. Between the two there was 
 k striking contrast. The young man was all terror, and shrieked
 
 264 THE LIFE Of [PART VII. 
 
 dreadfully. He had no comfort in pain, and no pleasant pros- 
 pect if it should end in death. O what need have we to use the 
 present hour ! Lord, give us unceasing prayer ! O let us live 
 in the constant view of eternity ! It is hoped both the men will 
 recover. 
 
 August 27. Glory be to God ! I daily prove he is faithful- 
 ness and love. A few mornings ago I awoke with that word, 
 "As thy day, so shall thy strength be." I did not take par- 
 ticular notice of it then ; but yesterday, through an uncommon 
 providence, I was called to go through such fatigue as to me 
 seemed impossible. Yet I was carried through all with such 
 ease, both as to body and mind, as amazed me. O let me learn 
 by all to live without fear, for I have in thee, O Lord, such a 
 treasure-house as will always supply my every want. There is 
 no room for fear or care. No, "the government is on thy shoul- 
 der." All the weight lies there, and my business is to sing and 
 praise all the way through. 
 
 November 9. Many mercies am I surrounded with ; and 
 though I have many infirmities of body, yet they are so held as 
 with a bridle that I do not suffer much, and am able to attend 
 all my appointments. I see all right ; to be sure there are cir- 
 cumstances which would once have been a cross, but I am fully 
 convinced all comes through my Saviour's hand, and therefore 
 I know all shall work for good. I see my situation well suited 
 for growing in grace, and I do grow, but O that it were faster ! 
 I remember a time when I rather shrunk at repeating that line 
 of the hymn, 
 
 "Give me to feel an idle thought, 
 As actual wickedness ;" 
 
 but truly I do now feel it so. I eee the need there is of being 
 all eye, not only against what appears evil, but also what is 
 called innocent, but is really useless. Last week I received a 
 letter from Leeds, informing me of the death of Sister Crosby. 
 I had a few days before received one from her own hand, a 
 very precious one ; and observed on it how her eyes and 
 strength held out, though ten years older than I. Her call was 
 sudden, but one day's illness ; during which she was kept in 
 faith and love, and departed (as it appeared) in her sleep in the 
 evening. A mother in Israel hast tliou been, and thy works 
 shall praise thee in the gates. 
 
 November 12. This day is particularly solemn to me. It is 
 just twenty-three years this morning, both by the year and by 
 the day, since I was at this very hour going to Batley church, 
 to give my hand to my dearly beloved Mr. Fletcher. O, what 
 fears did I feel, lest it should be a step out of God's way ! The 
 light I had before, seemed that morning to be quite obscure ; 
 but as eoon as it was over, the light broke out on my soul, and 
 it hath shone clearer and clearer ever since. Blessed be God
 
 TART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 265 
 
 ihat I ever took that step! It was the Lord that brought us 
 together, and joined us in an eternal union ! Nor do I find 
 that union any less ; nay, it is at this moment far greater than 
 on that day. O that I were more spiritual ! then I should par- 
 take more fully of the inheritance which he enioys in the kinff- 
 dom of our Father. 
 
 PART THE EIGHTH. 
 
 HER DECLINING TEARS. 
 
 January 1, 1805. 
 
 AND now another year is gone ! Lord, what shall I say T 
 Have I got nearer to thee 1 In some things I have ; but ah ! 
 Lord, show forth thy mighty power, and lift me above all ! 
 Make "my feet as hinds' feet," that I "may tread on the high 
 places," and never let in a thought that doth not lead to thee ! 
 In the last month, on the seventh day, my dear, my only sister, 
 was called to her eternal rest. We had not seen each other 
 for some years, but constantly wrote all our minds and every 
 concern to each other. Providence had thrown us, as to habi- 
 tation, far asunder. In her last hours she expressed faith and 
 resignation, and that she was waiting for the coming of the 
 Lord, and repeatedly begged me to give her up. I cannot but 
 rejoice in her escape from suffering to eternal bliss, though the 
 remembrance of our early pilgrimage is ever present to my 
 rnind. Her kind concern for me she has shown by leaving me 
 fifty pounds a year for life. Some time since it seemed pro- 
 bable I should lose thirty pounds a year, and in that case I 
 must draw back the help I give to some particular persons and 
 affairs ; and now the Lord hath taken care for that also. O, 
 how faithful is my God ! Eternity seems very near ; my breath 
 grows shorter, and my strength begins to fail. Well, the will 
 of God is all ; and it is all my desire that it may be perfectly 
 done in me. 
 
 February 23. I have had views of my past life lately, which 
 seem to have discovered a depth of the fall of which I was not 
 conscious. These openings endear the Saviour abundantly. 
 
 how little did I know myself when the Lord, who knew me 
 thoroughly, was heaping blessings upon me, and inviting me to 
 his bosom ! Some years since, a person with whom I was in- 
 timate, and who meant well, was certainly very imprudent. 
 Some of the blame fell on me, though I was quite clear. But 
 
 1 feared the reproach, and in order to justify myself, I told 
 
 23
 
 266 THE LIFE Of [PART Vm. 
 
 many of the particulars which were not necessary, and thus f 
 rather aggravated the circumstances. I was afterward much 
 pained. The other night, as I lay in bed, it all came before 
 me. I was nearly crushed, until those words gave me some 
 relief, "They to whom much is forgiven, love much." O my 
 gracious Lord, let this be fulfilled in me !* 
 
 This morning in prayer, and afterward in reading the second 
 and third chapter of the Colossians, I felt much encouragement. 
 This day I could not but observe, that a power had rested on 
 my mind ever since Sunday, which had kept off the enemy 
 when he would approach ; and if a thought would strive to 
 creep in, I felt as if my faithful Lord gave me instantly a check, 
 and excited me to beware. All these days I have seen such 
 various mercies as I cannot express. Truly I can say, 
 
 " In all my ways his hand I own, 
 His ruling providence I see." 
 
 I was greatly struck last night by hearing of a young woman 
 who was to have been married next Monday. One of her un- 
 godly companions on the pit bank, asked her where she intend- 
 ed to keep her wedding 1 ? She profanely answered, "In hell." 
 Soon after, being at her work near the mouth of the pit, her 
 foot slipped, she fell in, and was dashed to pieces ! This and 
 some other things which have lately occurred of the same kind, 
 seem to Irave brought eternity very near. O how important is 
 every moment. 
 
 October 12. Come, Lord Jesus, and give me the complete 
 victory ! Last Sunday was a time of power to many, as they 
 have since told me. This day I have been pleading with the 
 Lord to take me altogether into his hand. O, what a struggle 
 it is to keep faithful in rejecting useless thoughts ! O, how hard 
 never to offend with the tongue ! 
 
 December 13. Glory be to God for many mercies since I 
 wrote last. Some peculiar answers to prayer I must relate. 
 The rich hardly enter into the kingdom, and therefore we the 
 more abundantly praise him in behalf of Mrs. B. and Mrs. E. 
 Mrs. B. was, by nature, remarkable for a worldly spirit, a lion- 
 like temper, and being hard to please. She had also used the 
 means of grace for several years, without bearing fruit. About 
 two years ago her health began to decline ; and soon after, 
 conviction began to fasten on her soul, though her complaint 
 did not appear dangerous. Her cry was, for the comforts of 
 religion, and she wondered why she could not feel them as 
 others did. I clearly saw she was still unawakened, though 
 somewhat enlightened. We prayed for her, and with her; and 
 
 * How afflicting to a pure conscience does any transgression of the law of love 
 appear, even after it has been forgiven, and the corrupt principle removed froni 
 Uie soul. ED.
 
 VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 267 
 
 in u few months she began to feel she was a sinner. Her dis- 
 order also grew extremely painful ; but her cry now was, " O, 
 I hope the Lord will not take away my pain tih he sees I shall 
 not grow hardened again. O, what a Gospel-hardened sinner 
 have I been ! I have sat under the strongest truths ; and all 
 The time the world had my heart. Sometimes I did feel too ; 
 but as soon as I came home, all was gone. Yes, I had rather 
 have my pain, bad as it is, than be Gospel-hardened again." 
 She continued mourning a long time, often saying, I can get 
 no answer no, not the least answer, yet I hope too. Those 
 words of the hymn are often on my mind, 
 
 " I the chief of sinners am, 
 But Jesus died for me." 
 
 We now began to discern a great change. The lion wae lost 
 in the dove and the lamb. She continued to increase, by de- 
 grees, in her confidence. Sometimes she found such a hold of 
 the Saviour, and such overflowing love, as if she could never 
 fear more. TKen conflicts would return, but her fa'ch grew 
 more firm, till, at length, her peace was unshaken. For along 
 time, either Miss Tooth, or myself, have seen her continually, 
 and witnessed the mighty change which was wrought on her. 
 One only darling child, a nice house just built, and many other 
 ties she had to hold her here ; out all was but as a grain in the 
 balance in her account. She had truly sold all for the pearl 
 of great price, and in the possession of that she was content, 
 and proved to the last moment that she was a new creature. 
 
 The other I shall give in Miss Tooth's own words. " Oc- 
 tober the 3d, Mrs. M. acquainted me with the illness of Mrs. 
 E. expressing a wish that I would see her, as it was too far for! 
 Mrs. Fletcher. I went the next morning, and found her very 
 weak, but desirous of help for her soul. She told me, she hud 
 for some time been convinced there was no happiness but in 
 religion. I endeavoured to point her to the source of all con- 
 solation, the atoning Lamb of God, who is ever ready to receive 
 conscious sinners. When I had prayed, and was leaving her, 
 she expressed herself in a most grateful manner, thanking me 
 for my kindness in coming to see her, and begged to be remem- 
 bered to Mrs. Fletcher, adding, ' How happy are the people 
 who receive instruction from ner.' She had attended Mrs. 
 
 M 's school, and therefore was accustomed to Mrs. Fletcher's 
 
 meetings. The next time I saw her, I read Mr. Fletcher's two 
 letters to Miss Ireland, who died of the same complaint a 
 consumption. She seemed much affected the whole time w 
 were together. After prayer I entreated her not to rest satis- 
 fied with any comfort she might feel, but to be earnest with the 
 Lord for a clear manifestation of hie love to her soul. The 
 next time I went, Mr. E. being at home, I could not see her, 
 the being quite averse. to it. However, I went again, and now
 
 268 THE LIFE OF [PART VIM, 
 
 all ray fears were done away. O what a change had taken 
 place ! the new song was indeed put into her mouth, even of 
 praise and thanksgiving unto our God. As soon as I came 
 to her bed side, she reached out her hand, saying 1 , ' I am glad 
 to see you.' I answered, So am I, my dear, to see you. and I 
 trust you have had some gracious visits from the Lord since 
 we met last. She answered, ' O yes, many, many.' Then 
 looking earnestly at me, she said, ' That is a sweet word, 
 Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every 
 son that he receiveth ! And you know St. Paul saith, These 
 light afflictions which are but for a moment, shall work out 
 for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.' 
 Then with her arms thrown up, as in a rapture of delight, she 
 repeated, ' A far more exceeding, a far more exceeding ! O, 
 it is not possible to tell you what I feel in those words.' I said, 
 My dear, you have now a sweet foretaste of that enjoyment 
 you will shortly have in full possession. ' O yes,' replied she, 
 ' that is the thing, that is the thing ! I am now so sure I shall 
 be happy ! Yes, die when I will, I am sure I shall be eternally- 
 happy ! But it is no merit of mine ; no, it is nothing I have 
 done. No, no, it is Jesus Christ hath died for me ! that is 
 the comfort. O Miss Tooth, that is the comfort, Jesus Christ 
 hath died for me !' Yes, I replied, that will never fail you. 
 The Lord has been very gracious to you, and when I get home 
 and tell dear Mrs. Fletcher, how will she praise the Lord for 
 this ! She then cried out, O beg her to pray for me. As long 
 as I am here I hope she will not forget me. I have had those 
 words very much on my mind, Be ye also ready, for at an hour 
 that ye think not the Son of Man cometh.' With great so- 
 lemnity, she repeated, ' at an hour ye think not.' I said, You 
 can now praise the Lord that he did not call you at an hour 
 when you thought not of him. ' O yes,' said she, ' I praise him 
 for it. I praise him also every hour for this affliction : this 
 light affliction.' She again expressed much love to Mrs. 
 Fletcher, and said, ' I shall see her in glory.' She parted 
 from me in words of heavenly love, and triumphant joy. Soon 
 after she desired one present to read the burial service, to which 
 she listened with great attention ; but when they came to those 
 words, Thanks be to God who hath given us the victory 
 through our Lord Jesus Christ, she was transported, and 
 shouted aloud the high praises of her Saviour, who had given 
 her the victory. ' I .have it, I feel it,' she cried out ! And in' 
 the same heavenly triumph she departed, and entered her 
 heavenly Father's house." 
 
 January 23, 1806. Blessed be the Lord I feel an. encou- 
 raging hope, that this will be the best year of my life. \ ani' f 
 waiting for my Lord to come and make my heart his;love<i-. 
 abode, the temple of indwelling God. ft how sweet IP the
 
 PART VIII.J MRS. FLETCHER. 269 
 
 -ommunion of saints, when we meet with those who are all 
 alive, or who are thirsting so to be! but, alas! how rare are 
 they found ! Last Tuesday we had brother H. to preach here 
 I found him a man of God indeed ; both his sermon and his 
 prayers had much unction. We had some comfortable conver- 
 sation after supper. His words tended to raise faith and love 
 in our souls. Among other profitable particulars, he mentioned 
 one manifestation : it was as follows : In his sleep he thought 
 lie was 'going to die, and pleaded that the Lord would give him 
 the meetness for glory. After a time it was spoken to his 
 neart, " It is done, it is done ;" and he felt it was so, and found 
 himself filled with the heavenly mind. Then he saw angels all 
 round his bed, one in particular of great beauty at the foot. 
 He thought himself dying, and lay with great delight waiting 
 the event. It then appeared to him he drew his last breath, 
 on which the beautiful angel at the foot of the bed, clasped 
 him in his arms, and conveyed him to the heavenly gates, 
 which, as he stood before them, appeared very glorious. The 
 angel then touched the gates, which immediately flew open, 
 and such streams of glory came out, as seemed to constrain 
 him to draw back some paces, as being a greater delight than 
 he could yet bear ; but presently he went forward and entered 
 the holy city. There he saw an innumerable company of 
 glorified spirits, and the patriarchs in a circle. Next to that 
 circle, he saw another, of the prophets ; and within that, all 
 the apostles. He then cried out, " But where is Jesus ?" The 
 adorable God-man then appeared in view ! which sight filled 
 his soul with joy inexpressible ; and he observed beams of glory 
 which proceeded from our Lord, and touched every one of the 
 glorified spirits, showing how all their glory sprang from their 
 union with the supreme Good. His ecstacy was now so great, 
 he cried out, and shouted the name of Jesus till he awoke 
 He told me that for about three days he scarcely knew where 
 he was, his soul was so wrapt up in the heavenly vision. I 
 felt my soul much refreshed by his conversation. 
 
 Sunday, March 30. On Tuesday night I dreamed I was 
 sitting 1 by a table, on which lay the large volume of my dear 
 Mr. Fletcher's Life. I was at that time very thoughtful about 
 i the printing of his Works, fearing any thing should be done 
 that he would not approve. He came into the room, but I did 
 .'.ot look up, and being desirous to be alone, I went into the 
 next room, and sat down. He called to me with his own well 
 known voice, saying, " What, art thou so afraid of me as to 
 go out of the room as I come in ?" I started up and cried, 
 No, my dear, I am not afraid of thee. I then returned, and 
 Jsat dbwn m my chair by the table ; he sat on the other side. 
 *Rieri -taking up the book he said, " There is no need for 
 anxiety , I would have thee read this book, it will give thee 
 23*
 
 270 THE LIFE OP [PART Vllf. 
 
 pleasure. Take it up now ; thou wilt find something that will 
 encourage thee." Two days after, I received a letter from Mr. 
 Benson, informing me, that a person in London had translated 
 Mr. Fletcher's French poem into English, and they had some 
 thought of printing it with his other works, if found to be done 
 in a respectable manner. Then J understood that my dear 
 love told me of it, in order to prevent the uneasiness I should 
 l^ve felt had he not shown a degree of approval. I had no 
 recollection of the poem ; and that he should know I had not 
 read the Life, and thus comfort me under the anxiety which I 
 felt, was very pleasing to me. O, how indulging is my hea- 
 venly Father ! 
 
 May 24.-^A thought has much dwelt on my mind for some 
 days, That we should many times in a day, ask ourselves, 
 Am I how causing joy or grief in heaven 1 We are told there 
 is joy in heaven over the sinner that repenteth, and by parity 
 of reason, over the advance of every child of God. Those 
 words (spoken of our Lord) follow me much, In all their 
 afflictions he was afflicted. He hath taken our whole nature, 
 and so will abide eternally. But his passions are all regulated 
 by the divine nature. So in the case of Lazarus it is said, he 
 groaned in spirit, and troubled himself.* It appears then 
 that he looks with delight or with mourning on his children. 
 It is said, " As a bridegroom rejoiceth over his bride, so will 
 the Lord thy God rejoice over thee ; he will rest in his love. 
 He will joy over thee with singing." And the idea, that by 
 turning away from this hurtful thought, I am giving pleasure 
 to my Saviour, and resisting Satan, is a very animating con- 
 viction ; but, alas, I cannot express it in words : it is as if 
 Jesus said, " My desire is toward thee ; let me not lose one 
 thought." 
 
 June 3<X Blessed be the name of the Lord for the answers 
 to prayer I have experienced of late ! One above all the rest 
 demands my loudest praise ! I have long been crying for my 
 soul to be all eye, so that I should discern an unprofitable 
 thought in its approach, and now I have, for one particular 
 day, felt this power continually for about a month. I do not 
 mean that my thoughts do not wander from the various objects 
 which occur ;f but if a thought would present itself so as to 
 take up the mind unnecessarily, in a moment I am warned and 
 enabled to stand upon my gu.ard. O my adorable Saviour! 
 come and fully possess my soul, and give me such a measure 
 of thy enlightening spirit that I may clearly discern the things 
 which are given me of God ! 
 
 Monday, July 7. Last night when I came out from the 
 Society meeting, I found a letter from London, informing me 
 
 * In the original it is so. ED. 
 
 t See Mr. Wealey'a admirable sermon on wandering thoughts. Bit, .^
 
 PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 271 
 
 of the death of my dear brother Samuel, who died about eleven 
 in the forenoon, on Friday last, the 4th of this month. I have 
 iiad much encouragement in my mind about him for some days, 
 and so have some of my spiritual friends. His death seems to 
 bring eternity very near. 
 August 14. Three seven years have I walked in widowhood. 
 
 what a situation was I in this day twenty-one years ! What 
 trials have I since known, but what mercies also ! Yes, my 
 gracious Lord, I find thou dost order all for me ! This day I 
 renew my covenant to be all the Lord's. I know not what 
 bitter cups may yet be preparing for me, but I here cast myself 
 wholly into thy hands ! My body is weak with age, and 
 threatened with many painful disorders ; but I leave all to thy 
 adorable will. Miss Tooth seems threatened with a consump- 
 tion. This would be an unspeakable loss, for she takes off all 
 care from me, and is in every way an abundant comfort and 
 help; but this I also offer up to thee, my Lord. 
 
 September 12. This day I enter into my sixty-eighth year. 
 None of my family have lived to my age. Lord, what shall I 
 do to live more abundantly to thee ? O that I may take up 
 every cross, and embrace it as a precious jewel ! O, the great 
 advantage of living in the will of God ! 
 
 November 12. A memorable day to me ! This day twenty- 
 five years I gave my hand to my dear Mr. Fletcher. O, what 
 a oneness of soul do I feel with him still ! Lord, give me the 
 meetness to partake of that joy he lives in ! I have of late 
 been convinced it would help my faith to consider deeply what 
 great loving kindness and guardian care I have experienced 
 from the Lord, since he hath taken my dear partner to glory. 
 
 1 may say indeed, goqdness and mercy hath followed me all 
 my days. What a mercy that this house is still my home I. 
 The vicar might have wanted it himself, or he might wish to; 
 let it to some other person. But in this Mr. Burton hath 
 shown me much kindness, as also Mr. Kenerson, the patron ; 
 may God bless them for it, and give them both everlasting 
 habitations ! At this time I feel rny soul drawn out after a, 
 closer union with the Lord. 
 
 February 13, 1807. Though offences will come, yet we have 
 great cause to be thankful that the work prospers. Since the 
 beginning of this year we have had seven triumphant deaths. 
 One of them was Mrs. B. When I first saw her she was an, 
 object of great pity. She had lived in affluence, but was re- 
 duced almost to beggary. She had no bed. I procured a little 
 one for her t and she praised the Lord abundantly. She had 
 for more than half a year laid on the ground. " It was," said 
 she, " very hard, and my bones were sore ; but I enjoyed such 
 <;^munion with God, it bore me above all." She lias suffered 
 seusJi for many years, but always, had the consolations of God.
 
 272 THE LIFE OP [PART vnr, 
 
 and sometimes very abundant. A few weeks before her death, 
 when her son came home one day, she said, " I have had such 
 a manifestation of the love of God as I cannot describe. I 
 think if I was in heaven I could not enjoy more than I do!" 
 This continued with her to the last. She was one of the Lord's 
 hidden jewels indeed, little known or noticed among men. Her 
 appearance was mean, but she was glorious within. Another 
 was a child not twelve years old, the son of W. Smith. He 
 had a long and severe illness, during which the Lord brought 
 him to rest in the will of God to a degree which amazed those 
 about him, and much comforted his parents. Some time before 
 his death, he had a wonderful manifestation of the love of God. 
 He cried out to his father and mother, to be all in earnest. 
 " It is," said he, " worth your while. O, what do I see ! how 
 pretty ! how sweet ! how grand ! how glorious !" Then, as 
 conversing with the Lord, he said, " Lord Jesus, shall I come 
 now? Shall I come now ? 1 want to be with thee. Let me 
 come now !" He became silent for some time ; then he said, 
 'Not now, I must suffer longer." Three or four times after 
 this he had glorious manifestations. In one of them, he told 
 his father how his soul had been grieved to see their workmen 
 play and trifle. " Sure," said he, "they forgot that God sees 
 them every moment ; and when I think of backsliders, it makes 
 my heart ready to bleed to think there are any who do not love 
 Jesus." He pointed to a chest of drawers and said, " Father, 
 if those drawers were full of gold, I would not take it for what 
 I feel and see." When near death, as he sat in the chair, (for 
 he could not lie down nor lean back, for want of breath,) he told 
 them how happy he was, and yet how very bad. He then said, 
 " Father, put the pillow, I will try to lean back." When this 
 was done, he cried out, "Triumph! triumph!" He then fell 
 mto a sweet sleep for about three quarters of an hour ; when 
 turning his face on one side, he died without any struggle. 
 The others all died in clear light, but I have not the particulars. 
 
 March 5. Glory be to God, I see more and more his tender 
 care is over me and mine. I have .had a time of trial from 
 Miss Tooth's illness this last fortnight, but much mercy was 
 mixed with judgment. Lord, spare her, if it please thee ! Thou 
 knowest I have need of her help ; but thy will is the arm of the 
 rock I cling to when the waves go over my head, and I know 
 that rock will never fail me. 
 
 A thought has struck my mind, That from some things men- 
 tioned in the notes subjoined to the Portrait of St. Paul, edited 
 by Mr. Gilpin, after my dear husband's death, he might be 
 thought to favour the opinions of Baron Swedenburg. I there- 
 fore think it my duty to bear my witness to the contrary. The 
 first book which he saw contained but little amiss, and Mr. 
 Wesley having observed concerning it, " I think it will neither
 
 PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 273 
 
 do good nor harm," Mr. Fletcher soon after writing to his 
 brother, who had mentioned it, observed, that it was a book 
 which he did not condemn. But when he had seen a little 
 more of the Baron's works, he said to me one day, " Polly, I 
 
 believe Mr. will be a Swedenburger, and I am very sorry 
 
 for it." I said, Well, if he can believe that there are wax 
 candles and feasts in heaven, he must have strange ideas. Mr. 
 Fletcher replied, " My dear, thou dost not perceive the snake 
 in the grass. These books deny the atonement, and so strike 
 at the very root of all true religion." In the same mind he 
 continued to the last. 
 
 April 3. I feel within these few days, a drawing nearer to 
 the Lord ; and a loving recollection of his presence to be the 
 element in which alone my soul can grow. I feel an increasing 
 expectation that the Lord will come, and take up his abode in 
 my soul. That verse in Jeremiah, ch. xxxii, is much on my 
 mind, " I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I 
 will not turn away from them, to do them good ; but I will put 
 my fear in their hearts, that they shall not depart from me. 
 Yea, I will rejoice over them to do them good, and I will plant 
 them in this land assuredly with my whole heart, and with my 
 whole soul." I look now hourly for this, that according to my 
 former promise, I may " feed on Carmel and Bashan," and my 
 soul be satisfied in a close communion with God. 
 
 August 14. This day twenty-two years my dearly beloved 
 husband entered glory. When I awoke this morning, the first 
 thought presented to my mind was, How has my soul grown 
 in these twenty-two years ? I felt a deep sinking before the 
 Lord, that it had not grown more abundantly. I am sensible 
 of a progress, but, alas ! it is very small when compared with 
 what might have been. I place in Jesus my whole confidence. 
 My hope is in him as my great high priest, and those words 
 are very sweet to me, " The author and finisher of our faith." 
 O my adorable Saviour, I am as the clay in thy hand ; make 
 me such a vessel as thou shalt choose me to be ! Some things 
 have occurred which, years ago, would have been a great trial. 
 But I now see and feel a great beauty in the cross ; and have 
 such evident proof that he orders all, that I can leave all my 
 oares in his hand. 
 
 September 11. If I live till to-morrow I shall be sixty-eight 
 years old, and my dear Mr. Fletcher would on that day h:ive 
 been seventy-eight. O how long has he been in glory before 
 me ! He was ripe, and sweetly gathered into the garner. Lord, 
 prepare thy poor creature to follow him. I have had my niece 
 Whittingham (my dear sister's daughter) with me for some 
 time, whom I had not seen since she was twelve years old. I 
 have found much satisfaction in the interview. Blessed be 
 God for the work wrought on her soul, and for the pious bus-
 
 274 THE LIFE OF [PART VHfi 
 
 band the Lord hath provided for her. How much better is she 
 off than if she had remained in the world ! Truly, " Godliness 
 hath the promise of this life, and of that which is to come." I 
 am surrounded with blessings ; I want no earthly comfort. O 
 that I had a more grateful heart. 
 
 December 15. I have been a fortnight laid aside from a bad 
 cold, and much weakness on my lungs ; but what cause have I 
 to praise the Lord ! I have experienced his tender care in many 
 ways. One night, when more ill than before, I was offering 
 up my soul and body for time and eternity, into the hand o? 
 my gracious Redeemer, and longing for a fuller preparation for 
 that day, which I saw could not be far off; and being hardly 
 able to keep in bed for want of breath, I found, all at once, as 
 if I were surrounded, or overshadowed with a sweet and sacred 
 power ! I cannot describe it ; but I felt as if I was so encircled 
 by, and drawn into the presence of God, that nothing could 
 approach to hurt me ! I said, Not a thought can arise "to dis- 
 turb my beloved till he please." It lasted about half an hour, 
 ai.d showed me how easy the Saviour can inclose the soul as 
 an island in the midst of the sea ! 
 
 December 31. O my God, how do I close this year ! I am 
 still confined to my chamber, and mend but slowly. But I feel 
 the Lord is at work on my soul. I pant for a more lively faith, 
 and, blessed be God, I found an increase since this illness. 
 Truly, he makes all my bed in my sickness, and keeps me night 
 and day. 
 
 January 1, 1808. And do I see the beginning of another 
 year ? Yes, my Saviour ! thou dost yet spare me. I have been 
 some time in a near prospect of death. O that I may use 
 :very moment to gain more of thy likeness ! I cannot be far 
 from eternity. O my God, make me ready ! I have not been 
 able to begin this year with the dear people as usual, being still 
 confined, yet mercy is in all my cup. How light are my pains 
 compared with others ! 
 
 February 9. Blessed be the Lord, he hath -wonderfully 
 renewed my strength ! I have been out these three weeks, and 
 have gone through my meetings in the week as before ; and, 
 praised be the Lord ! I feel greater liberty than ever. The 
 other day I found among some old papers a few lines I wrote 
 many years ago. They were blest to me ; and, as I hope they 
 will be a blessing to others, I transcribe them. 
 
 Saturday, July 18, 1761. We had a good time at the meet- 
 ing this morning, at brother Biggs's. Mr. Fletcher was with 
 us ; and as I was speaking of my discouragements, he said,' 
 " Make more use of Jesus. The reason why you find a spark ;* 
 of faith and love, when you repeat those words, ' On thine 
 arrn do I trust,' which you do not feel at other times is, be- 
 cause at that time you make an act of faith : but you do net
 
 *A'RT VIII.] MRS. FLETCfitER. 275 
 
 continue that act of faith, which is the reason you do not always 
 feel the same. If ' our anchor is cast within the veil,' we must 
 be casting it farther and farther, that we may draw our souls 
 nearer and nearer to God. There is nothing which draws my 
 soul to God like the consideration of his love to me ; it is on 
 that I must fix my eyes, and when I feel my heart has wan- 
 dered, and I am cold and dead, and unable to wateh and pray, 
 this is my method, I return just as I am to Christ, and cast 
 myself again on his mercy, pleading, Thou art the righteous- 
 ness of the ungodly, the strength of the weak, the helper of the 
 helpless ; thou art the friend of sinners ; in short, he is the God 
 of fallen man." He again observed, "He doth not require 
 us to stay for a broken heart ; for what would repentance avail if 
 he did not work it'? We also lose much for want of thankfulness. 
 We should praise God for every good desire we feel, though, 
 perhaps, as yet, we have not power to put it in practice." 
 
 Mr. Maxfield was, at that time, a very blessed instrument 
 among us, and great power attended his word. Although very 
 painful things afterward occurred.* I do not think myself clear 
 unless I bear a testimony to that truth. I took down a few par- 
 ticulars of a sermon of his, which I will here repeat. 
 
 Sunday, November 2, 1761. Mr. Maxfield preached on the 
 history of the Israelites taking Jericho. He observed, " By 
 what is said of Jericho, we may be instructed concerning the 
 evils contained in our hearts. It was the ' Captain of the Lord's 
 host,' by whose command Joshua acted, and this Captain was 
 our Lord Jesus, who still goeth before every one who believes 
 in his name." But, added he, "there is one thing very mate- 
 rial to observe, ' Jericho was straitly shut up, none went out 
 and none came in.' Now, is this the case with your hearts ! 
 Are you watching over your ear, youv eye, your tongue * An; 
 you careful neither to see, hear, nor speak any thing, but what 
 tends to draw your souls to God ] Many of you will perhaps 
 ask, why did not the walls of Jericho, my corrupt heart, fall 
 before the Lord, as I have been seeking so many years } I will 
 tell you why, your Jericho is not 'straitly shut up.' It may 
 be that every idle story your neighbour brings to your ears, or 
 foolish imagination Satan suggests to your minds, finds a ready 
 entertainment, and your minds are filled with unprofitable 
 thoughts, which, like a crowd, get between you and your Sa- 
 viour. You might seek thus for ten thousand years, and be no 
 nearer. Every thought that doth not tend toward God, if in- 
 dulged, stops the work of sanctification ; and you will never 
 .; advance toward holiness, till you exert with resolution the power 
 " which God hath given you, in resisting steadfastly every thought 
 and word which would come between your soul and Christ. 
 
 * lie separated from Mr. Wesley, and did much harm in the Loudon Society. 
 En. ..
 
 276 THE LIFE OF [PART V1JI. 
 
 But those who are thus watching and keeping their hearts, so 
 that nothing can find entrance till it be examined, and known 
 from whence it comes, let them take courage. I am sure 
 your souls thus waiting, will not wait long before your ' Joshua 
 will command them to shout !' Only let them believe, and con- 
 tinue to watch. The Israelites were bid not to shout, nor make 
 any noise, till they were commanded ; and when that moment 
 should come was known only to Joshua. They believed and 
 followed. So let us hang by a simple faith on Jesus, listening 
 every moment what his Spirit shall dictate to our hearts ; for 
 'the Captain of the Lord's host' is with us, and 'he hath his 
 sword drawn in his hand' to conquer all our adversaries. And 
 though you feel your sinful tempers, be not discouraged, for 
 the inhabitants of Jericho were not only alive to the last, but 
 in full strength. When the power of faith comes, the strong 
 walls of unbelief shall drop down, and you shall go up and pos- 
 sess the good land ! How little, and idle, it would appear in 
 the eyes of these enemies, thus to walk round the walls, blow- 
 ing rams' horns ! So we think our labour and spiritual striving 
 avail nothing ; but only let us continue to cut off every word or 
 thought which would give food to the old man, and thus obey, 
 in firm reliance, that ' our Joshua will be the author and finisher 
 of our faith,' and we shall find him 'faithful who hath promised, 
 who also will do it.' " 
 
 March 3. This was a good morning to me ; the Lord was 
 very present when I awoke ; and I had such a view of the all- 
 sufficiency of the Saviour as I cannot express ! Such a safety 
 in trusting in his arm alone ! That thought struck me, Many 
 great kings have said, " I have no cause to fear, for I have vast 
 armies, great allies," &c. But O what a fly did it all appear 
 to me, when compared to the power I felt in that simple word, 
 "Jesus is on my side!" 
 
 March 18. Yesterday I found an increase of faith. Owhat 
 repeated proofs I have that the Lord doth watch over his poor 
 creature with guardian care ! I had something to do in the 
 work of God which was attended with difficulty; and yet I 
 scarcely knew how to go out in the sharp east wind. But O, 
 how was every thing ordered ! I found also such liberty in 
 visiting the sick, as if every word was immediately given me. 
 I had such a view into the way of faith, and the atonement 
 was made so clear, as I cannot express. I saw also the Lord's 
 tender care in a variety of other occurrences. What a freedom 
 from care hath the soul who singly trusts in Jesus ! 
 
 March 29.r I cannot be thankful .as I would for the restora- 
 tion of health which I feel. Cold as it is, I have been enabled 
 to keep to all my meetings, seven or eight times a week ; 
 and my nights are as comfortable as when I was but twenty. 
 I feel no complaint of my breath, when still, no* in "bed. O
 
 PART VIII.] MftS. FLETCHER. 277 
 
 that I might use all my little strength to the glory of God ! I 
 see death very near, notwithstanding this amendment. 
 
 On looking over my journal, I miss some observations which 
 I wrote on the death of my dear father in Christ, Mr. Wesley, 
 lihink I must have mislaid that sheet, or perhaps lent, and so 
 lost it. However, I wish now to bear my testimony to the 
 truth. I shall have cause to bless God throughout eternity 
 that ever I knew that precious and highly favoured servant of 
 the Lord Jesus. He was indeed a star in the Almighty's 
 hand, and a wonderful instrument of good to our nation. 
 When I was very low, after my dear husband's death, amon 
 the many gloomy thoughts which came to my mind, one was, 
 that I had not so profited by* Mr. Wesley's excellent advice as 
 [ might have done ; and I wrote to him expressing that senti- 
 ment ; to which he gave me the following answer : " My dear 
 sister, I do not remember you ever disobliged me in any thing. 
 On the contrary, you have for these many years done every 
 thing in your power to oblige me." Indeed I saw it my duty 
 so to do, and must acknowledge my many and great obligations 
 to that great and good man. 
 
 May 26. How good do I find it to lie quiet in the hand of 
 Jesus ! All, all works for good. I have been ill with a cold 
 three weeks, and trust I am laid aside for a season, in order to 
 gain the blessings of retirement. Some fatigues which have 
 occurred from company rather threw me back. The provi- 
 dence of jGod appeared so clear, I could only say, O how true 
 is that ward, 
 
 " Jesus doth ray burden bear, 
 Jesus takes rny every care." 
 
 Some nights when I could not lie down for the cough, and 
 want of breath, I felt a sweet sense of the presence of God, 
 and of the heavenly spirits ! Not any particular rapture, but a 
 solemn consciousness 4 and those words were with me con- 
 tinually, 
 
 " Do what thou wilt with this weak clay, 
 But lot me all thy mind fulfil, 
 But let me all thy will obey." 
 
 June 1. Blessed be the Lord, I am better, and was enabled 
 to meet the class yesterday morning, though I spoke with diffi- 
 culty. This morning I have found an increase of faith in 
 reading the 10th chapter of Hebrews. O that perfect, that, 
 complete sacrifice ! Yes, he hath once for all paid the whole 
 debt, there is therefore a free and open way into the holiest ! 
 I see death so near, I find it on my heart to pray for, and take 
 thought of, the work of God in this place. O my Saviour, 
 cause it to increase abundantly ! Keep away stumbling blocks ; 
 .and pour out thy Spirit in a peculiar manner on my dea r ius- 
 band's orphans. I could wish Miss Tooth to remain in Madelcy, 
 1 454 '
 
 278 THE LIFE or [PART vin 
 
 if a way should be made for her, and that she might be able to 
 take in the preachers. I can see no other way so likely and 
 proper ; and I think it would be the most comfortable for them. 
 All is in the hand of the Lord. She has the cause of God truly 
 at heart, and if her health is restored, she will, I believe, be 
 very useful to the people. That word I think of with pleasure* 
 All things are beautiful in their season. So I trust I shall' 
 find it. O that death may have no sting for me, and that her 
 way may be opened before her by the Lord ! 
 
 August 4. Having been told by several persons that a re- 
 port has got abroad, That my dear Mr. Fletcher expressed a 
 sorrow for having wrote his CHECKS TO ANTINOMIANISM, and 
 that he died in quite a different opinion, I do solemnly aver 
 there is no truth in the assertion. So far from that, a little 
 before his death, speaking of the hurt that so close an appli- 
 cation had caused to his health, I said, but thou dost not repent 
 the labour"? He replied, " O no, it was a great blessing to my 
 soul. And if my strength was wasted thereby, it was in the 
 cause of truth." I never knew him haye the least variation 
 in his sentiments ; and I am sure he did not willingly conceal 
 any part of his mind from me, any more than I did from him. 
 ; I had this morning a solemn look at death. Many com- 
 plaints seem to be gathering about me, and they seem to por- 
 tend sufferings ; but I feel a spirit of true sacrifice, and those 
 words are sweetly on my mind, 
 
 " Leave to his sovereign sway 
 To choose and to command, 
 So shall thou wondering own his way, 
 How wise, how good nis hand !" 
 
 August 17. From an uncommon hurry of strangers being 
 here, and other circumstances, I have had no time for writing 
 in my journal, though I should have liked to set down many 
 things. All the last week was very solemn ; the day of my 
 dear husband's death falling on the Sabbath this year, brought 
 each scene to its own period, and caused me frequently to look 
 back and praise the Lord, who had preserved me in the deep 
 waters through which 1 at that time passed. I had a most 
 humbling view of the little progress I have since made ; yet I 
 found a great confidence in my good Shepherd, whose wise 
 providence I have seen and experienced in a remarkable man- 
 ner. He does so fit my strength to my day, and orders all in 
 such wonderful mercy, that truly I am constrained to say, 
 (unworthy as I am,) 
 
 " Round me and beneath are spread 
 The everlasting arms." 
 
 September 12. At eight o'clock this morning, sixty-nine 
 years ago, I was born. HOW many dangers I have passed 
 through ! But thy merciful arm has been over me, and proved
 
 PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 279 
 
 by a thousand and a thousand ways, that the hairs of my head 
 are indeed numbered. O my great Deliverer ! how hast thou 
 stood by me, and heaped mercy upon mercy on me ! 
 
 September 15. I feel a fresh beam of light upon my soul ! 
 A farther discovery of the extent of the atonement. On Tues- 
 day night, when at prayer, I found the eye of faith grow 
 brighter, and the open fountain more plain before me. O the 
 liberty the believer hath of coming every moment to the Sa- 
 viour ! If I shut my eyes I may fancy the sun doth not shine ; 
 but the veil is not on the sun, but on my eyes. The Saviour 
 saith, Whosoever cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out. 
 Lord, give me ever to feel the sense of this truth which I now 
 do, that every moment I may wash my robes, and both make 
 and keep them white, for thy blood cleanseth from all sin. 
 
 Blessed be God, another is gone to her rest, our dear sister 
 Benbow, the account of whom, by Miss Tooth, I had not time 
 before to enter. " From what Mrs. Benbow has told me, I 
 have reason to believe she had been under the drawings of God 
 from her earliest youth. Some years since she began to come 
 to the Monday meetings at Madeley. These she found so 
 profitable, that, although the difficulty was great, owing to her 
 weakness, she would still persevere. These last three years 
 she has been confined by illness, but often expressed her longing 
 desire to be at those opportunities again, if the Lord should per- 
 mit. Upward of two years ago I went to see her, and I may say, 
 I have counted it my privilege and honour to visit her at every 
 opportunity since that time. She drank in instruction from 
 either conversation or reading. The experience and death of 
 the children of God were the delight of her soul. Mr. Fletcher's 
 Letters, and his Appeal, were much blest to her. Concerning 
 the latter she would say, ' Blessed be God for that book, for it 
 hath taught me the way to Jesus by faith.' When 1 have been 
 reading to her, observing her pain to be so violent, I have for a 
 time laid the book aside ; but she would say, ' No, read on, it 
 does me good : it refreshes me, and gives me encouragement. 
 
 what should I do if his everlasting arms were not under- 
 neath me ; but he does sweetly support me, glory be unto him.' 
 
 " She suffered great pain, even to agony, yet not one mur- 
 muring word was heard to drop from her lips. In one minute 
 she would be crying out with the violence of the pain, the next 
 she would be saying, ' Thy will be done, my sweet Saviour ! I 
 would suffer all thy will. 
 
 " I the chief of Binners am, 
 But Jesus died for me." 
 
 1 feel great peace, and those words are powerfully applied, / 
 know that my Redeemer liveth. I can eay with David, Though 
 my flesh and my heart faileth, God is the strength of my heart 
 and my portion for ever* O that word, for ever ! There lu
 
 280 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 
 
 something so sweet in that word, for ever ." Another day, a 
 i entered the room, she cried out with triumphant joy, ' His 
 banner over me is love! O the sweet times I have had this 
 last week in reading the Scriptures !' Another time, as I was 
 observing the power of divine grace in loosing the heart from 
 earthly attachments, she said, 'I prove that ; for time was when 
 I seemed to have ten thousand ties to this world, but now I 
 have not one. Jesus has broke every chain." Through all her 
 sufferings her constant language was, blessing and praising the 
 Lord for his goodness ; ever declaring all her trust and confi- 
 dence was in the atoning Hood. Often, hi the midst of the 
 most exquisite suffering, she would enumerate her mercies, 
 saying, ' What comforts I am surrounded with ! Such tender, 
 affectionate children to nurse me ! And above all, the prayers 
 of God's people. O, I cannot tell half the things that call for 
 thankful praise.' When the preachers, or Mr. Walter, visited 
 her, she has often observed to me, with delight, what a blessing 
 it was to her, On June 3, she told me she had neither doubt 
 nor fear, nothing disturbed her ; and though in the most violent 
 pain, she cried out, ' Not one pain less ! I would not have one 
 pain less, if this is thy will, my sweet Lord Jesus !' In the 
 night of the 7th of June, she waked, and said, I am quite well ! 
 I have neither ache nor pain. Miss Benbow, who sat up with 
 her, being much affected, and not immediately replying, she 
 again cried out, Nancy, I have neither ache nor pain ! Give 
 praise to the Lord! O'give thanks to God. Miss Benbow 
 said, 'And are you happy, mother'?' She answered, 'Yes, 
 quite so.' A short time before she departed, she said, ' Sweet 
 Jesus, come quickly !' These were the last words she uttered. 
 From this time she lay with a smiling countenance, that bespoke 
 a sweet serenity within ; and at the last she went off so quietly, 
 yiey could scarcely perceive when she drew her last breath, 
 which was on Thursday morning, June 9, 1808." 
 
 November 12. Memorable day to me ! This day twenty- 
 seven years (the day of my marriage) I was full of anxiety at 
 this hour ; but, O what cause have I had to rejoice in the 
 transaction of that day 1 As the morning approached, I felt a 
 fresh conviction this is the day I peculiarly consecrate to my 
 adorable Lord ; and I felt it good to wait upon the Lord. My 
 faith was invigorated, and my expectation enlarged. O how 
 little doth all appear to me that is not eternity ! 
 
 December 6. I have been called since I wrote last, to a new 
 dispensation. I had more than two months been lame at times 
 with my right knee, yet walked about, though with some pain. 
 But some days since it grew worse, till last Thursday, when it 
 was so well I could walk without a stick, and thought myself 
 cured. That night as I was going to bed, in a moment I felt 
 a pain in it which rendered me quite helpless. How it will
 
 VIII.} MRS. FLETCHER. 281 
 
 end I know not ; but I feel a sweetness in repeating, " My 
 Father cannot err, and I will never choose." This trial has 
 been much blest to me. It brings eternity near. I have also 
 had a deeper conviction of the need of a more earnest pursuing 
 after entire holiness, and my mind has been more stayed on 
 the Lord, and kept in more abundant peace. I knew not how 
 I should be got out of the chamber, but we found a chair with 
 wheels, which would go through the doors, so that I can be 
 brought in and out of the study ; and such a number of little 
 helps (but to me great ones) has occurred, that I see the hand 
 of my dear Father in all around me as I cannot express. 
 
 December 13. Last night I had pain, but blessed be the 
 Lord, with a mixture of ease and rest. My complaint is said 
 to be an inflammation on the knee bone ; but I am affected in 
 various ways. As I had to sit up in bed a good while in the 
 night, I felt it profitable. 
 
 December 26. This has been a solemn Christmas to me. 
 Though confined to my room, my soul has been on a stretch 
 for holiness, especially to-day. what cause of praise ! How 
 truly is that promise fulfilled,* "Do not be frightened, God will 
 make you a comfortable habitation." And so he doth indeed: 
 and that other word, so often given me of late, " As one whom 
 his mother comforteth, so will I comfort thee." Yes, I can rely 
 on his dear arm, and cling to his will. But O I long that God 
 should take up the whole of my heart as his abiding throne ! 
 
 March 20, 1809. Yesterday was a comfortable Sabbath. 
 The Lord carried me through all the four meetings,f and blessed 
 me with his gracious presence, glory be to his holy name ! 
 Reading those words of Baxter, " There is far more procured 
 for us by Christ, than we lost in Adam," I felt a peculiar 
 power in it ; and while meditating thereon, I said in my heart, 
 Then how great may our expectations be ! Immediately that 
 word came to my mind, Open thy mouth wide and I will fill 
 it. O my God, how shall I comprehend what thou hast to 
 bestow ! O for more of that sacred -violence which takes the 
 kingdom by force. 
 
 March 22. We had much, hurry yesterday, but, blessed be 
 God, I felt great calmness all day. My meditation ran much 
 on that scripture, He that receiveth you receiveth me ; and 
 again, Whatsoever ye do to one of the least of these is done 
 unto me. This morning feeling some symptoms of a very 
 painful disorder, I was offering it up to the Lord, that he might 
 do all his will upon me, when I thought of those lines, 
 
 " The Lord my pasture shall prepare. 
 And feed me with a shepherd's care ; 
 
 * See page 138. t It seems she had now recovered from her iaraeneas, 
 
 -Eo. 
 
 24*
 
 282 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 
 
 His presence shall my wants supply, 
 And guard me with a watchful eye : 
 My noon-day walks he shall attend, 
 And all niy midnight hours defend." 
 
 I felt a power as I repeated them, but afterward doubly so, it 
 was given me as my own. Yes, my faithful Lord, " Thou wilt 
 not suffer me to be tempted above what I am able, but will with 
 the temptation make a way to escape, that I may" be able to 
 bear it. I feel an increase of both faith and love. Lord, let 
 me grow stronger and stronger in thee ! 
 
 April 5. I have lately received some particular answers to 
 prayer. Lord, let my gratitude bear proportion with my mer- 
 cies ! I have been now able to go out for several weeks, and 
 to attend all my meetings, often very comfortably, even eight 
 or nine times in a week. My breath is better than it hath been 
 for years ; and though my limbs are weak and stiff, I can walk 
 so as to visit some sick who are near to us, and go up and down 
 stairs many times a day : blessed be the Lord, who holds all 
 our disorders in his hand, and times them as he sees good. O 
 that I may use all my remaining strength to his glory. 
 
 April 26. Glory be to God, I have felt him working on my 
 soul for some days, an-d drawing my mind into a more steady 
 recollection. Reading the account of Israel passing over Jor- 
 dan, I was led to reflect that I had nothing to do but believe, 
 and follow the JLord, and all difficulties would vanish out of my 
 way in spiritual things, as they have done in temporal. He 
 will fulfil all his gracious promises. Yes, my faithful Saviour, 
 I look for the blessed moment when I shall have my delight in 
 the Almighty beyond all I have ever known. I feel a glorious 
 day approaching. Lord, hasten the hour ! 
 
 In order to make the day more profitable* let me consider, 
 I usually rise between five and six. Then let me behold Jesus 
 by the eye of faith, sitting on the right hand of God, exalted in 
 glory, yet looking down on me, inclining his gracious ear to 
 my prayer, and saying, " Let me hear thy voice ; pray without 
 ceasing, fivery one that asketh receiveth." My heart shall 
 answer, O most faithful and loving Saviour, permit me again 
 to throw myself at thy dear feet. Thy mercy hath preserved 
 me this night from men and devils. Thou hast made me to 
 rest in safety. For this my soul doth adore thee ! And I praise 
 thee, O Lord, for some degree of health. While many are in 
 racking pain, I am in ease, and have the use of my under- 
 standing and a comfortable degree of sight and hearing ; yea, 
 thou hast preserved to me the use of all my limbs and faculties ; 
 and here I consecrate them all to thee ! O, take my soul and 
 body's powers, and let them be at thy disposal this day. I 
 here renew my covenant to become altogether thine ; and to be 
 obedient to thy will. Whatever thou shall appoint this day, O.
 
 FART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 283 
 
 my Lord and Master, give me to receive it in the divine order ! 
 Give me this day to watch every moment, that I may not lose 
 one opportunity of taking up my cross, nor of doing good 
 either to the souls or bodies of men. Yea, let me strive to 
 confer happiness or comfort, on every one, even to the brute 
 creation. This is thy will. O do not suffer me to miss one 
 instance in which I might have such an honour ! O Lord, 
 grant thy Spirit's teaching, that I may lie at thy feet, and 
 listening to thy voice, have power to obey it. Give me, O 
 Lord, this day, the spirit of recollected prayer ! That prayer 
 of faith which cannot go unanswered. And, O my Lord, I 
 entreat thee, by all the mercy and love thou hast shown me, 
 thy most unworthy creature, that thou wouldst favour me with 
 the key of the Holy Scriptures ! Thou knowest, O Lord, it is 
 a. sealed book, till thou openest the seals thereof. Confer on 
 me, I beseech thee, that teaching of thy Spirit that I may 
 discern the deep truths, the glorious promises, and all the 
 sacred mysteries which lead to close communion with thy- 
 self! That I may, in my measure, " comprehend with all 
 saints, the length, and breadth, and depth, and height, of thy 
 incomprehensible Jove !" 
 
 May 28. This morning I was led to look back on the mer- 
 cies of my past life ; and I was amazed to see how in every 
 part of it such tender love had been mixed with my crosses. 
 When in my father's house, though I had many things to pass 
 through which were trials and humiliations, yet when I could 
 get into my own room I seemed to be quite comfortable, and 
 had a continual sense that God would deliver me out of all 
 when his time was come. When I was removed from my 
 father's house, to my little lodging of two rooms at Hoxton, 
 though really very inconvenient, it appeared as a most sweet 
 asylum to me. When I took the little house on the road side, 
 I thought it a palace ! And though there was much, very 
 much, to ask forgiveness for in all those places, yet there were 
 abundant blessings ; and I can recollect many messages from 
 heaven in them all. I next removed to Laytonstone. There 
 I seemed in the land of Goshen ; and though I can now look 
 back and wonder how I stood under the galling crosses I had 
 to encounter, yet, at the time they often appeared swallowed 
 up in mercies ! At Cross Hall in Yorkshire, I had many humi- 
 liations and cares, but I often thought that situation better than 
 ail the others, and that if the Lord would open me a way to 
 abide there, it would be a great favour. But O, he had some- 
 thing better, far better for me. He brought me through fire 
 arid water, to this spot, to Madeley : and of all my situations, 
 none hath been equal to this. O the loving kindness of fcny 
 God ! I remember in the year 1766, being from home, on a 
 journey with sister Ryan, and under very great triala, both
 
 284 THE LIFE OP [PARTV1H, 
 
 outward and inward, as I was one day in prayer, those words 
 were applied to me with a peculiar power, / will bring Israel 
 again to his habitation, and he shall feed on Carmel and 
 Bashan, and his soul shall be satisfied on Mount Ephraim 
 and GUead. At that time, and in those days, shall the ini- 
 quity of Israel be sought for, and there shall be none, and 
 the sin of Judah, and it shall not be found, for I will pardon 
 them whom I reserve. This was so deeply impressed on my 
 mind, that when after some months' absence we returned home. 
 I looked out (as well as I was able) the meaning of the words 
 in the Hebrew Lexicon. I now repeat it here, being conscious 
 that at this very time I feel the beginning of the accomplish- 
 ment. Outwardly it is indeed made" good. I am in a most 
 peaceful habitation ; and some of the clusters of grapes from 
 Canaan I do taste of, and sit as on the banks of Jordan, wait- 
 ing to be brought over. 
 
 August 10. At present I am under a particular exercise. 
 Some time ago, I found my relations deeply laid on my mind, 
 especially my dear brother William, and my brother's widow. 
 I thought, I have not been faithful to them ; and feared, as I 
 had not seen them for twenty years, I nevor should see them 
 again. I laid it before the Lord in earnest prayer. A circum- 
 stance occurred which gave me some encouragement. But 
 how was I surprised when I received a letter that they were 
 coming to see me ! They are now here. My soul is drawn 
 out much in their behalf. Lord, I look unto thee, be thou my 
 helper, and enable me to confess thee faithfully before men, 
 that I may not have the blood of souls found upon me ! 
 
 '24. Glory be to God, I have found him very gracious in- 
 deed. All has been as I could have wished, and I had freedom 
 and comfort in our different interviews. I saw the hand of the 
 Lord in every circumstance. O what a Saviour have I ! Since 
 that time some trials have occurred which have affected my 
 health. I feel a great inward sinking, and by various symp- 
 toms, it seems that the Lord is reminding me the hour is not 
 far off. O my adorable Saviour, give me but to glorify thee to 
 the last moment, to feel my whole will lost in thine ! 
 
 September 12. Lord, appear in my behalf! I feel my body 
 grow very feeble, and I want a fuller baptism of thy Spirit. 
 My confidence is all in thee ; but I want to feel an intimate, 
 close communion. Once I should have been well pleased with 
 what I at present feel; but when death seems very near, there 
 needs a peculiar smile of the Lord to carry the soul triumph- 
 antly through the sufferings of that season. Indeed there are 
 moments when he doth assure me, As my day my strength 
 shall be ; and of late I have found such help in times of trial 
 ihat I am greatly encouraged. This day I am seventy years 
 old. Ah ! my Lord, howlittle have I -done for thee in seventy
 
 TART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 285 
 
 years ! But I look to mere mercy. My hope is in the Sa- 
 viour! I have nothing to plead. 
 
 September 19. Last night I was restless and disturbed, and 
 as I lay awake I thought, Is not God my strongest desire * 
 What would BOW give me the most pleasure 1 My heart an- 
 swered, " A smile from my Lord." I then thought of heaven, 
 and considered myself as afresh united to my dear husband, 
 my Sally, and my friend Ryan. The thought was pleasing, 
 and raised gratitude in my heart. But when I turned my 
 thoughts to a sighj of, and union with my Saviour, O how 
 superior a spring of joy did I feel ! I think I can truly say, 
 " Whom have I in heaven but thee 7 and there is none upon 
 earth I desire in comparison of thee !" But, Lord, I am not 
 satisfied. Ah, no ; I want such a possession of thy love, 
 such an intimate union as every moment to feel thy approving 
 smile ! 
 
 November 12. Twenty-eight years this day, and at this hour, 
 I gave my hand and heart to John William de la Flechere. A. 
 profitable and blessed period of my life. I feel, at this moment, 
 a more 'tender affection toward him than I did at that time, 
 and by faith I now join my hand afresh with his. My Sally, 
 and my friend Ryan too, We are one in Jesus. O that I may 
 follow them as they followed Christ ! 
 
 January 6, 1810. Glory be to thee, my precious Saviour, 
 for the great mercies I have received the last year ! O how 
 many striking answers to prayer ! I feel also an increase of 
 faith, and begin this year with a more firm confidence in thy 
 faithful promises. Yes, my gracious Lord, I abandon all, all 
 into thy hand, both for time and eternity. I have been reading 
 again that excellent work of my dear husband, " The Portrait 
 of St. Paul." I had not read it for many years, but, O how 
 sweet did I find it ! It is amazing that it should be so clear 
 and perfect as it is, when I considered what he said to me 
 about it, that it was a rough draught wrote in his illness, 
 when abroad ; and which he intended to write all over again, 
 and to improve, had he been spared to do it. I felt a sweet 
 unction as I read it, and am very glad it is taken into the ninth 
 volume of his works. 
 
 February 11. Hiave been ill for about two months, with a 
 complaint on my lungs, but was enabled to keep to all the 
 meetings till Tuesday last, when I grew much worse. My 
 breath is exceeding short, and the cough very severe. By the 
 expectoration it appears to be such a consumption as old peopJe 
 have. I am glad I have had these opportunities with the dear 
 people, though perhaps I have suffered by it. The Lord has 
 been very present with us of late. Those words have been 
 much on my -mind, " Whom have I in heaven but thee 1 and 
 there is none on earth I desire in comparison of tliee." I feel
 
 286 THE LIFE OF [PART VIM, 
 
 no care about my body, only that I may do and suffer all the 
 will of God, as a Christian ; that " patience may have its per- 
 fect work." 
 
 February 25. I still remain ill, though something better ; 
 and it is a great addition to the trial, that my dear friend and 
 kind nurse, Miss Tooth, appears to have a consumptive dis- 
 order. This morning I was laying all before the Lord, and 
 felt a desire to try myself in every point, of sacrifice. I felt 
 his will above all. Afterward that word bore on my mind, 
 " Stand still and see the salvation of God.'.' 
 
 April 27. Yesterday was a day of trial, as to outward things ; 
 but in the morning those words were in a peculiar manner laid 
 on my mind, " Commit thy way unto the Lord ; trust also in 
 him, and he will bring it to pass." I did not understand what 
 it meant at first, but before night it was explained. 
 
 O, my faithful God, thou knowest all that can approach thy 
 children ; and thy guardian care prevents our trials by a call 
 to a fresh trust in thee ! Many scenes of suffering appear be- 
 fore me. My left breast I am told is again likely ^o prove 
 cancerous ; but I lie still in the hand of the Lord. 
 
 May 6. As I was rising this morning, Mr. Grimshaw's 
 advice came to my mind : "At your first awaking spend half 
 an hour on five things. First, Return thanks for the mercies 
 f the night. Second, Pray for a blessing on the new day. 
 Third, Examine the state of your heart. Fourth, Meditate on 
 some spiritual subject. Fifth, Lay a plan for your employment 
 of the day." I felt my heart drawn to praise, and to entreat 
 protecting mercy, and spiritual guidance, for the ensuing day, 
 and felt my petition was heard. Then I looked up for a spi- 
 ritual subject of meditation. Immediately it occurred, " I 
 go to prepare a place for you." Then, " I am the way, the 
 truth, and the life." I felt it a profitable time. 
 
 September 6. The other day brother Tranter preached in 
 my room very profitably, and told us afterward a remarkable 
 answer to prayer. Mr. R. Crowther and his wife were going 
 to their circuit in a borrowed gig. They came to the house of 
 a pious man and woman, accustomed to receive the messen- 
 gers of Jesus Christ. Having no place for the gig, it stood 
 out. There were some persecuting spirits in the place. In 
 the night, the man and his wife found they could not sleep, 
 and said one to another, I feel a great weight on my mind, 
 perhaps some hurt is doing to the gig. They got up and went 
 out. They found one wheel was gone. They looked all about, 
 but could not find it. They returned into the house and went 
 to prayer, laying before the Lord the difficulty Mr. Crowther 
 would be in. At last one of them said, It comes to my mind 
 they have carried it to such a place, (about two miles off,) and 
 thrown it into the swamp. The other said, Let us go and see.
 
 PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. ^37 
 
 About one o'clock they set off. When they came to the place, 
 which was full of water and mud, and covered with rushes 
 they looked about, but could see nothing of the wheel They 
 then saw a large stick ; upon which the man said, Perhaps on 
 this stick they carried it ; let us try again. He then took up 
 the stick and groped in the mud. Presently he felt the wheel. 
 Ihey got it out, brought it home, and put it on the gig. So 
 when Mr. and Mrs. Crowther got up, the gig was ready for 
 them to set off. How true is that word, " Call upon me in the 
 time of trouble, so will I hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me." 
 September 12. At eight o'plock this morning I was solemnly 
 struck with the thought, I am, at this hour, (the time I have 
 been told I was born,) seventy-one years of age. I was, as I 
 have been told, in great danger of death, from my tongue being 
 tied, and much bleeding ensued from having it cut. It was 
 thought I should be dumb. But thou, O Lord ! saw good to 
 give me my speech. Ah, Lord, how have I used that great 
 talent ? How often have I abused thy goodness, and offended 
 with my tongue ! I feel an earnest cry for a full and perfect 
 devotedness of soul to thee ; and my faith seems to be in- 
 creased in the belief I shall be so. While speaking on Monday 
 night, in a very full meeting, the Lord was very present, and I 
 saw such a great salvation before me as I cannot express. And 
 has my Saviour bore all the curse 1 And has he taken our na- 
 ture into the Godhead] O, what may we not expect] Lord, 
 enlarge my faith ! 
 
 November 24. Since I last wrote, I have seen much of the 
 goodness of the Lord. What an answer of prayer is the 
 amendment of Miss Tooth ! My gracious Lord would not give 
 me sorrow upon sorrow. O, how good it is to stand still and 
 see his salvation ! This summer I have been better in health 
 than for some years, and have found much of his presence in 
 the work of God. 
 
 On the 12th of this month, the day of renewed dedication of 
 myself to God, I felt a blessing in the remembrance of the pre- 
 cious gift given me twenty-nine years ago. O what a train 
 of good things have sprung therefrom ! O my Lord, none but 
 thyself can know what an advantage I have drawn from that 
 union ! O that my dear husband's prayers may be fully an- 
 swered in me, that I may become the habitation of God 
 through the Spirit ! 
 
 December 18. Being ill, I could not go out, but prayed if 
 the Lord saw it good, that I might have strength for Sunday 
 noon, and Monday night, the times when we have large con- 
 gregations and, blessed be his name ! I have had hitherto the 
 answer to my prayer. I felt, this morning, very lame in my 
 knees, but yet able to walk about, and, in the room last night, 
 the Lord was with me, and brought me comfortably through. .
 
 288 THE LIFE OP [PART VIII, 
 
 January 7, 1811. And do I see another year ! O my God, 
 may I live this year as I have never yet done ! I have had, 
 for six weeks, a return of my winter cough, but have been 
 enabled to go out on Sunday noon, and Monday night, as usual. 
 Blessed be the Lord for that indulgence ! Never did eternity- 
 appear so near. I feel its importance ; but O, I want it to 
 drink up every thought, and fill up every moment. 
 
 January 14. The complaint on my lungs grows worse. I 
 seem to be going fast. Saturday and yesterday were days of 
 recollection, blessed be God ! I went out yesterday at noon, 
 and had a comfortable time with the dear people. I read and 
 spoke an hour. The subject was, Jacob blessing his sons. I 
 seemed to be no worse, and on my return had a tolerable 
 night ; but this morning I feel my breath much^ affected, and 
 my strength seems to go fast. Eternity looks very sweet, yet 
 I have fiery darts. I long for a clearer view but I praise 
 the Lord for more constant power to obey that command, 
 Pray without ceasing. 
 
 February 9. Those words seem to dwell mightily on my 
 mind, " Praying always, and watching thereunto with all per- 
 severance." Lord give me the power this day ! Let my spirit 
 every moment be looking out for thee, as t he watchman for 
 the morning. The Lord has been drawing my soul nearer to 
 himself for some days. O, how my soul longs to be wholly 
 lost in God ! This day I have been greatly humbled under a 
 sense of the little progress I have made, seeing my lot hath 
 been cast with the most excellent of the earth. 
 
 May 25. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all 
 hits benefits! I am surrounded with mercies. Sure none 
 ever had more cause for thankfulness. O that my heart could 
 overflow with praise in proportion thereto ! O my Saviour, 
 purify my soul unto thyself! I know thou hast all power. 
 The other day, as a useless thought occurred to my mind, 1 
 felt that word with a solemn weight, The place where his 
 honour dwelleth. It called me back in a moment, with that 
 adea, that my soul is the place, where his- honour ought to 
 dwell. It is a great thing to keep the heart with all diligence 
 from the dangerous avenue of the imagination. My soul doth 
 rejoice over some who have been brought in of late. One 
 young man who was very wicked, came to one of the meet- 
 ings ; and hearing Miss Tooth observe, " We must have that 
 faith which brings purity of heart, and power over sin," he 
 thought. I am sure I have no such faith. From that hour the 
 Lord began to work on his soul. The conviction was deep ; 
 and his wife, his father and mother, and a cousin, were stirred 
 up through him, and are all now members of the society. 
 Glory be to God, he continues all athirst both for his own soul
 
 PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 289 
 
 and others. Every moment, Lord, I also need the merit of 
 thy death." 
 
 July 23. how faithful is God ! None ever trusted in 
 aim and was confounded. Much of his loving kindness have 
 I seen of late in the times of united worship. Yes, my ado- 
 rable Lord, thou hast helped thy poor creature, and given me 
 to feel the words which I spoke. Several have been blest, and 
 most sweetly brought into pure love, and an awakening seems 
 to spread among believers to press forward, and seek the rest 
 which remains For the children of God. 
 
 August 14. What did I feel this day twenty-six years, 
 when at the dying bed of my beloved husband ! And what 
 have I gone through since that time ! Well, it hath been all 
 for good. I have needed every bitter cup I have had to drink ; 
 but what mercies have I also received ! What tender care 
 hath my almighty and loving Redeemer shown in my behalf '. 
 That word hath indeed been fulfilled, A judge of the widow is 
 God in his holy habitation. But I might have grown much 
 more than I have. my Saviour, show me how it is now with 
 my soul ! Blessed be the name of the Lord, I feel my con- 
 science more and more tender, and a greater power to embrace 
 the crofts, and to keep in the presence of God. It is a season 
 of trial, but I expect much spiritual good to arise therefrom. 
 I long to be lost and swallowed up in God. 
 
 September 12. Glory be to thee, my gracious Redeemer, 
 who hast preserved me seventy-two years ! I have been for 
 some time very poorly with the complaint on my lungs, and 
 one day as I was sitting in the study, thinking what I might 
 have to go through, I felt applied to my mind a Word my dear 
 husband spoke to me, " Thou shalt not suffer long :" then he 
 added, " Hope to the end, in Jesus hope ; you cannot fail if 
 God is love." My heart answered, God is love, and I shall 
 prove his faithfulness, whatever I have to go through. Blessed 
 be God, I am still enabled to keep up my meetings, though, 
 with labour, and we have much of the presence of God. We 
 have now got three new preachers on the circuit. Lord, make 
 their word powerful ! We have prayed much for them. 
 
 September 19. Last night in my sleep that word was spoken 
 to me, None shall pluck thee out of my Father's hand. J 
 did not wake, but in my sleep made reflections on it. O my 
 precious Lord, thou art gracious ; but I long for a closer union 
 with thee ! My breath is very short on the least motion ; and 
 yet I can go up and down to the meetings, blessed be God ! 
 We have been reading in the family of late an account of the 
 martyrs. O how I admired the power of God in them ! Lord, 
 how poor a disciple am I, ready to shrink at a little suffering ! 
 O Lord, increase my faith ! Last night I was uncommonly iD ; 
 tut as I lay quiet it was spoke as if to both ear and heart, 
 25
 
 290 THE LIFE OP [PART VIII. 
 
 " Give to the winds thy fears." Then followed the whole 
 veree, with great power : 
 
 "Give to the winds thy fears, 
 Hope, and be undismay'd, 
 God hears thy sighs, and counts thy teara 
 God shall lift up thy head." 
 
 October 16. To-day in reading the first and second chap- 
 ters of Deuteronomy, where Moses bids them tfust in the Lord 
 who had done such wonders for them in Egypt, and in the wil- 
 derness, &c, I was led to look back through ray past life, and 
 consider the tender care the Lord hath taken of me even to 
 this hour, yea, in the smallest things, as well as in the greatest. 
 
 what wonders I could relate ! O my precious Lord, increase 
 my faith and love, I pray thee, abundantly ! I see eternity 
 very near. Lord, open my eyes to a clearer view of that 
 blessed world ! 
 
 November 22. -Solemn thoughts the twelfth of this month 
 rested on my mind, and also great thankfulness. Blessed be 
 God for that sweet and gracious union commenced with my 
 dear husband thirty years ago, and eternally to last. My 
 asthmatic disorder increases, and sometimes in the meetings 
 J feel much difficulty. Well, all is right. Thy will, O my 
 precious Saviour ! is all. I feel a pain in the thought of giving 
 up the Sunday noon and Monday night meetings. If the Lord 
 would be pleased to give me strength for these seasons, I 
 should be thankful. I wish to give my last breath to the dear 
 people of God. 
 
 December 27. O my soul, why dost thou not praise the 
 Lord in a more abundant manner ! Surely I am in a land 
 flowing with milk and honey. Last night, when uncommonly 
 ill with my asthma, I was obliged to sit up in my bed a good 
 while, and it seemed as if my breath would stop ; O how gra- 
 cious was the Lord ! I felt such a sense of quiet safety as I 
 cannot express ! I thought, what a mercy is a good bed ; a 
 fire in my room while many poor creatures are starving with 
 cold this hard frost ! a kind friend in the next bed, who will 
 attend my call ; and, above all, a God of love to trust in ! I 
 said, Lord, speak to me ! Immediately that word passed 
 through my mind, 
 
 "Jesus doth my burden bear, 
 Jesus takes my every care.' 1 
 
 1 thought of the great and amazing transaction commemorated 
 at this season, and foretold for four thousand years ! Truly, 
 " the secret of the Lord is with those who fear him." While 
 the Jews expected him to come in great pomp, he came as a 
 babe in the manger, quite concealed and unknown, except to 
 a few ! Here is a lesson ! Some even now can find no com- 
 fort, except in something great, even in religion ! How often
 
 ?ART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 291 
 
 have I been thus deceived ! But now I see in another light. 
 We are to lay hold on the smallest encouragement ; we are to 
 accept a crumb, and by looking in the word, and feeding on 
 it, the power follows. As he says, " Incline thine ear ; hear, 
 and thy soul shall live !" 
 
 January 1, 1812. Lord, let me begin this year with thee ! 
 I have cause to praise the Lord for a good night, and am much 
 better since I have kept in the house. But, O my Lord, wilt 
 thou give me once more to go out among the dear people ? 
 Well, " Thy will be done !" all is right that thy providence 
 ordains. On the fifth of this month I shall have been thirty 
 years in this house. That promise, given me at Bath, comes 
 strongly to my mind, " I will bring Israel again to her own 
 habitation." Truly the Lord hath done so. I have drunk a 
 bitter cup in losing my dear husband, yet I am so filled with 
 blessings, and have such comforts and helps, that I may say 
 no kind of good is withheld from me. I have also communion 
 with my friends above ; a little while and we shall meet to part 
 no more. O my God, I beseech thee, let me live this year, if 
 spared, as I have never yet done ! 
 
 February 6. Many mercies I have seen in the month past. 
 Though I have not got my voice yet sufficiently for the meet- 
 ings, yet the Lord hath given us such helpers, that all has been 
 kept up with advantage. Glory be to his name ! We are very 
 comfortable with our preachers ; they are so kind and friendly, 
 we are quite of one heart, and the work prospers. I have had 
 of late a deeper view into the mystery of redemption, and felt 
 much power m that word, " He appeared to put away sin by 
 the sacrifice of himself." 
 
 June 19. The dear people so flock to us that my room will 
 scarcely hold them, though we consider it as holding three 
 hundred, and the Lord hath been very present indeed. I was 
 so recovered as to get out in March, and enabled ever since 
 to attend the meetings. I have a prospect of great sufferings 
 before me, but I hang upon the will of my God, assured that 
 "the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be com- 
 pared with the glory that shall be revealed." One great 
 answer to prayor I must mention. A gay young lady, whom I 
 knew from a child, it pleased the Lord to afflict. She was 
 deeply awakened, and cried out, " O how I shudder to look 
 back on my past life !" In this state the Lord manifested his 
 mercy, and for some months she went on most sweetly. At 
 her death, after bearing extreme sufferinga with a lamb-like 
 patience, she said, " My pain is exceedingly great; but it is 
 not hell ; and that I have richly deserved." Soon after she 
 told her aunt, " I have had a great conflict both in soul and 
 body. I am just going." Then she added, " O I am so hap- 
 py !" and immediately departed.
 
 292 THE LIFE OP [PART vnr, 
 
 August 14. This is always a solemn day. Seven and 
 twenty years hath my beloved husband been in glory. O what 
 heights of holiness may he have attained ! Lord, what have I 
 gamed in this long season 1 I might have attained to much 
 more than I have, but, blessed be the Lord, I do feel an increase ; 
 ;ir.d my spirit pants after the " fulness of God." I find stronger 
 f-\ith ; I am filled with blessings ! I see the hand of God in 
 :''.! ; and such answers to prayer as amaze me ! My body is 
 f:H of infirmities, yet I am able to creep through each day, 
 rid to work a little in my Lord's vineyard. Truly, my last 
 re my best. 
 
 September 12. I have, this day, reached my seventy-third 
 yaar, and I feel a strong desire that this may be a birth day to 
 my soul. I have such a sense of a full blessing purchased for 
 me, with such a near approach to God, that I long to attain 
 it. I wait at the feet of my dear Saviour for a fuller dis- 
 play of his love. 
 
 November 12. It is thirty-one years this day, since I was 
 united to my dear husband. O blessed union ! What cause 
 have I of praise for that providence ! It seems but yesterday . 
 and he is as near and dear as ever. I cannot see to write half 
 what I feel in .my heart ; but I will add, my cup overflows 
 with mercy, glory be to God ! 
 
 January, 1813. And now another year is gone, and I see 
 the beginning of a new one. I feel an increase of faith within 
 this last day or two ; some refreshing beams of glory now and 
 then have touched my soul. O for a deeper draught ! 
 
 " From Sion's top the breezes blow, 
 And cheer us in the vale below." 
 
 February 20. I have read with much pleasure the account 
 of the work of God in India. I praise the Lord for that excel- 
 lent man, Professor Francke. It was from his college several 
 of the missionaries went to India, and, among others, that 
 great instrument, Mr. Swartes. Glory be to God, who hath 
 raised up these " angels of the churches." Every look at 
 them makes me shrink into nothing. Yet we may be permit- 
 ted to follow them with our prayers. Lord, increase the 
 number of such men ! Bless their endeavours, and fill them 
 with thy Spirit !* 
 
 April 20. Since I wrote last, on March the third, my dear 
 brother William died. We were four in number, and I am 
 now left alone. But I have cause to believe he is in glory. 
 He hath been a kind brother to me; and referring to the 
 extraordinary communication of Mrs. Clapham.f I feel a desire 
 to explain in what a singular manner the whole has been ful- 
 
 * No doubt many pious persons, as well as Mrs. Fletcher, have thus prayed 
 \ tow evidently are those prayers answered in the present day ! ED. 
 t See page 109.
 
 >ART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 293 
 
 fiJled. When 1 married he sent me one hundred pounds as a 
 wedding present. After the death of my dear husband, he 
 came down to me, and with the greatest tenderness and affec- 
 tion brought me forty pounds. Some time after, my uncle 
 Claudius Bosanquet died, and left each of my brothers eighteen 
 thousand pounds, and several of his nephews and nieces five 
 hundred each ; but neither my sister nor myself were 
 lioned. My brother .William at that time divided one of his 
 thousands bejween us. This was a great help, as I had some 
 money still to pay oft'. Since that time he hath helped me 
 yearly for my poor's expenses, and, for some time, has given 
 me forty pounds a year. At this time of distress, when trade 
 is so low, and the poor so straitened, this loss would have been 
 a great one ; but he hath left me two thousand pounds, so that 
 my income, instead of decreasing, will be enlarged. I cannot 
 reflect on this circumstance but with wonder and praise. 
 When Mrs. Claphara told me, about a fortnight before we mar- 
 ried, of these great helps, I declare I did not expect one penny. 
 O how exactly has all come to pass ! I remember she said, 
 that the last sum that she saw laid down was Mbch larger than 
 any before. How often has my heart cried t the Lord that 
 he would restore him a hundred fold ! I trust it is so. I have 
 a strong confidence his cup is full of glory. 
 
 April 30. I feel the presence of the Saviour, and trust to 
 enter more deeply than ever into him as my centre. Reflect- 
 ing on iny past mercies and present situation, 1 am struck with 
 amazement at the loving kindness of the Lord. Never was I 
 more comfortable than now ! Though I have so many infirmi- 
 ties, yet I have such a measure of health as renders life quite 
 easy. Good nights, sufficient appetite, and a degree of strength, 
 at times quite easy; and sweet liberty in the meetings. No 
 burden with my family, my friend Mary Tooth manages all. 
 My confidence is all in thee, thou mighty Lord of all ! I feel 
 thee drawing nearer and nearer to my soul. The wound in 
 my breast, occasioned by the lump which had formed, puts me 
 afresh in mind of eternity. But, O how sweetly dost thou 
 support me under it ! I am enabled to go through all my meet- 
 ings, and have but very little pain. Yesterday that veree of 
 the hymn was sweetly applied to my heart, 
 
 " Abundant sweetness ! While I sing 
 
 Thy love my ravish'd soul tferflows ; 
 Secur* in thee, my God and King, 
 Of glory which no period knows." 
 
 September 3. On the 14th of August I felt deep impression* 
 of that most awful event, the death of my dear husband. But 
 the renewed scene, will, I trust, soon end in joyous days. 
 
 January, 1814. I have been much disturbed almost all night. 
 My asthma was oppressive, and I had much fever. My head 
 25*
 
 294 THE LIFE OF [PART VIIu 
 
 also was confused, but those words came powerfully to my 
 mind, 
 
 " Sweet is thy voice, my Spouse, to me, 
 
 / wili behold no spot in thee : 
 
 What mighty wonders love performs, 
 
 That puts ;. comeliness on worms '.'' 
 
 May ?. For some time the wound in my breast has been 
 better, though it was thought, in January, that I should not live 
 many days ; and my breath is now more easy, especially in the 
 night. I leave all in thy dear hand, my adorable Lord, and 
 only long for a deeper plunge into God. 
 
 May 20. Reflecting on past mercies I find abundant cause 
 for praise. I am surrounded with loving kindness ; but my 
 strength and sight seem to fail. I am waiting for a closer 
 union with my dear Lord. Though so weak in body, I feel a 
 desire to praise thee, my adorable Lord, for thy abundant mer- 
 cies. O, my gracious Lord, I do feel great cause of praise ! 
 How many have I seen of my near relations who have suffered 
 much in illness through want of wisdom, or tender care, in 
 those about them ! But I am favoured above all. O the won- 
 derful care Profidence hath ever had over me ! What snares 
 he hath saved me from ! What dangers preserved me in, and 
 what promises have I seen fulfilled ! I have every thing I can 
 want. O, my God, give me a watchful spirit, that I may not 
 speak one word amiss ! Above all, answer that prayer, " Let 
 no vain thoughts lodge within me !" Give me, from this hour, 
 a mind continually fixed on thee, never more to be drawn out 
 of its centre ! 
 
 July 1. How tenderly the Lord deals with me '. I am very 
 weak, and yet am oft five times in a week able to be in my 
 meetings, and I have strength to speak so that all may hear, 
 and the Lord is very present with us. Lord, fill my soul with 
 abundant praise ! 
 
 Sunday, August 15. Yesterday, the 14th, was a solemn 
 day to me. It is now twenty-nine years since my beloved 
 went to glory 1 I am led to cry for a closer union with my 
 Saviour. I feel his Spirit working in me ; but it is a season 
 of trial. That word is much with me, Pray without ceasing. 
 
 22. Yesterday I had encouragement from the Lord, and lay 
 down in his presence. In the night, while asleep, those words 
 came with power, my heart seemed to speak them, 
 
 " Him eye to eye I soon shall see. * 
 
 My face like his shall shine ! 
 O, what a glorious company, 
 Where saints and angels join '" 
 
 I see more and more what a fulness there is in the Saviour. 
 O, my God, let me be wholly lost in thee ! 
 
 September 12. Seventy-five years ago I was born. O, my 
 gracious Saviour, what great grace might I have gained in
 
 PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 295 
 
 seventy-five years ! I turn me to that blood which mokes the 
 dinner whole. I have, of late, had a view now and then as if 
 die door of holiness was open, and the word spoke in my heart, 
 ' Believe, and possess to the uttermost." Lord, give the power 1 
 
 November 3. On Saturday I was very ill, and thought death 
 drew near. Since that time I have found a deeper work in my 
 soul. The Lord seems to lay to !iis hand. O, my Jesus, fill me 
 with thy Spirit ! I long to be all thine own. 
 
 24. The Lord is very good to me. I have found a clearer 
 sense of his presence, and much answer to prayer. O, I feel 
 as clay before the potter. On the 12th of this 'month I had a 
 clear remembrance of the solemn scene of the union with my 
 precious husband, and felt it was for eternity. What a favour 
 do I also possess in my friend Tooth ! The Lord has made her 
 every thing to me that I need. Dear Mrs. Gilpin's death seems 
 to bring me nearer to eternity. How little did I think she would 
 be called first ! Lord, prepare me, and fill me with thyself! I 
 am still able to be out twice on Sunday, though the cold weather 
 has much effect on my breath ; yet last night and to-day I am 
 a good deal relieved. 
 
 December 12. I have had severe pain for a fortnight, yet 
 mixed with much mercy. I thought I was near death. Yester- 
 day I had an uncommon sense of the presence of God, and 
 those words were much with me, " My peace I leave with 
 thee ;" and again, " If ye abide in me, and my words abide in 
 you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you." 
 I felt it good to look into eternity, though in much pain. 
 
 Monday, January 2, 1815. The Sabbath yesterday was 
 precious to me. O, I long that the year fifteen may be the 
 best of all my life. Should I live a part of it, may that part 
 bring heaven into my soul. Those words have been sweet to 
 me, " I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely." 
 Looking back on my past life, and soeing so many blunders, I 
 felt a weight when the words above were spoken to my heart. 
 Yes, my precious Saviour, thou dost love me freely. O, that 
 I were more filled with thy love ! The wound in my breast is 
 much less, and I am much better ; and blessed be my God ! I 
 feel nearer to him than last year. O, for a fuller gale from 
 Sion's hill ! 
 
 March 21. I have had pain last night, but not so violent as 
 it might have been. Toward morning, I got some sleep, and 
 awoke with these words, which came with power, 
 
 "Giv to the winds thy fears, 
 
 Hope, and be unrfismny'd ; 
 God hears thy cries, and counts thy tears, 
 He shall lift up thy head." 
 
 May 29. Glory be to God, I am full of mercies ! I long for 
 a more full union. I am far better in body also than I could
 
 296 THE LIFE- OF [PART VIII. 
 
 have thought ; yet I see myself on the very verge of eternity, and 
 long for a full and perfect oneness with my Saviour. I know 
 he doth bless me, and I cast my whole soul, with every power, 
 on my Lord. O, it is sweet to have my will fully sunk in the 
 will of my God. 
 
 August 3. I have had some trials with regard to outward 
 affairs': but I have a full confidence all shall end well. We 
 have had for thirty years a oneness among our people ; but 
 now there is a division, by the desire of the minister. It hurts 
 me ; yet I believe the Lord will order all. But I here declare, 
 1 have been joined to the people united to Mr. Wesley for 
 above threescore years, and I trust to die among them. The 
 life of true religion is with them, and the work increases. If 
 my papers fall into any hands, I entreat these lines may never 
 be left out.* I have always considered myself as a member of 
 
 * I should have greatly rejoiced if I had been left at the same liberty respecting 
 this painful passage, as the other parts of Mrs. Fletcher's writings. But her 
 mind seems to have been deeply impressed with the occurrence, and hence the 
 injunction is absolute. Being thus obliged to insert the change which was at this 
 lime made in the parish of Madeley, (by the curate not choosing to act among the 
 people as his predecessors had done,) a duty seems to lie upon me to elucidate the 
 cause of it in the best manner I am able : and this I hope to do with all the ten- 
 derness that truth will allow. Two letters, written by Mrs. Fletcher to the gen- 
 tleman who succeeded Mr. Home as curate of Madeley, will, I think, sufficiently 
 explain it. 
 
 "Madeley, March 26, 1792. 
 
 "REV. SIR, Your letter to Mr. H. was not seen by me till yesterday, or 1 
 should have answered it before. 
 
 "In order to draw what I have to say into the compass of onesneetof paper, I 
 will divide it into three heads. First, The reason why /address you instead of 
 the vicar ; Secondly, The temporal affairs of the parish; and, Thirdly, The 
 state of tbe people, as to religion. 
 
 " First, I must observe, after the death of my dear husband, (whose unwearied 
 labours, and unexampled meekness, had left on the minds of the people the 
 keenest conviction of their loss,) the mantle seemed to foil on a young gentleman, 
 named Home, (at that time one of tbe preachers on the circuit,) whom my dear 
 husband had before mentioned as the man he wished to be his successor. There 
 were great difficulties in the way ; he, however, did take his place, and continued 
 with us between five and six years. But the Lord, who holds the stars in his 
 right hand, saw good to call him to Africa. The departure of Mr. and Mrs 
 Home was a great loss to me, because in every thing we acted mutually. The 
 orphans of my beloved partner Were dear tome, and I to them ; and Mr. Home 
 considered them as consigned to his care by a man whom he esteemed above all 
 others. But .the Lord has been pleased to part us ; and, as we love his will, we 
 cheerfully say, Let it in all things be done. When he left us, Mr. Burton, the 
 vicar, a mild, sweet tempered man, desired the religious part of the parish to 
 please themselves in the choice of a curate. When I informed him, the ether 
 day, that after having sought after several, we had been disappoint?d; he replied, 
 ' I am sorry for it. I had rather that Mrs. Fletcher would choose one, (though I 
 have many applications,) for she knows the mind of the parish better than 1 do ; 
 and whoever she recommends I will accept.' On that account it is, sir, that I am 
 the person to address you. Secondly, As to the temporal affairs, Our church is 
 far too small for the inhabitants, and yet so awkwardly buili, that it requires a 
 very good voice to be heard in it It is however proposed to erect a larger about 
 a mile off, as this is near falling down. That will be more in the centre of tb
 
 P-ART VIII.] ' MRS. FLETCHER. 297 
 
 the Church, and so have the united friends in Madeley. In 
 some measure we are now pushed out. O let not one word of 
 this be left out. What I mean by being pushed out is, The 
 Church minister has repeatedly expressed a wish that the 
 
 parish, and more commodious. As to the third head, Those who are religion.; 
 in the parish, as well as those who attend from more distant places, are a simple 
 ijuiet people, all of 'one%ind. They know nothing of dispute, nor think of any 
 jarring doctrine. The dove-like spirit of my precious husband rests much on his 
 dock, and they receive, as from hrciven. every messenger who comes unto tlwui 
 As to the service or duty required, you may do what you will here. Every 
 thing good goes down at Madeley, if it has but unction. My dear husband, and 
 Mr. Home, used to go through the whole service at church morning and after- 
 noon, and then preach at the Dale, or the Wood, the two other ends of the parish, 
 at night. By that means they saw many who did not come to the church ; and 
 at church there are many who never hear elsewhere. 
 
 " I think I have now given you as full an answer as I am able ; but I must be* 
 311 immediate reply, as there are several curates waiting for theirs, and we ar- 
 quite unsettled. And, please to be clear in your answer when you can come. I 
 should rejoice to see a Gospel ministry fixed here before my death. 
 
 " That the Lord may direct you with clear light and give both you and your 
 partner to discern your way before you, is the prayer of, 
 
 ' Rev. sir, your friend and servant, 
 
 "M. FLETCHEB." 
 
 h appears, that soon after this gentleman came to the parish, he became uneasy 
 about his situation. Having expressed his dissatisfaction to Mrs. Fl> .'. 
 wrote to him the following letter : 
 
 "Mv DEAR FRIEND, Since our conversation the other morning, gome 
 thoughts have arisen in my mind which I believe will not be unacceptable to you. 
 You will not reject a word of advice, even from an inferior. 
 
 " I am persuaded you will clear me from the idea of having deceived you in any 
 thing. 1 told you, on your first visit to my house, we were joined to that body 
 of people called Methodists, and asked, Are you willing to labour among a com- 
 pany of Methodists? To which you answered in the affirmative. This gave 
 me a convincing proof it was not your own, but God's honour you w< ! 
 This also engaged the hearts of the serious part of the parish toward 
 caused them to receive you with open arms, as one who would walk in 
 of vour worthy predecessor. Now I would observe, should such a th 
 suggested, that it would be better for them to leave that connection, (unil. 
 several have been called.) and consider themselves as only -Jelonging to you , i' 
 I sav, such a proposal was to tw made, mi_'ht it not I* the iivw; 
 first' seeds of division ever known' in Madeley 7 This. I am sinv, w,m!.i 
 painful to yovi. I do not believe you meant to do so : t bought* before 
 
 you as an antidote to such a temptation, should it ever arise. 
 " "Should that people, among whom, at present, the Lordsoemin. L 
 should they decline from the pure worrhip of God, In that e 
 would naturally cleave to you. But while the Lord does carry on i 
 anwng them, let us be found with God and his people ; ' Yea, 1. 
 with bread and with water in the way.' 
 
 " SomR years a-o. a "entlernan whom I well ki,p\v and loved, 
 a few miles from where I lived. 1 Mi<-v.>th*r.> wrrc alvut n hm 
 in the place. They were delighted with him^and all went .. 
 rtosed to dissolve the society, and have only onr of his nwn. The 
 consented ; he applied to Mr. Wesley, and the preachers were withdrawn. Hot, 
 
 nan, though he was an upright soul, he had not Mgood gil 
 is for preaching he found much trouble and confusion arose. 1 h.- {. ipte I 
 to scatter. Another living then presented itself! which he accepted to the grea 
 o'T*KC of those who had left their first path to follow him. After this, they who
 
 298 THE LIFE OV [PART VIII, 
 
 Methodists should be a separate people ; as he always thought 
 it best for the Church people, and the people called Methodists, 
 to move in distinct lines. 
 
 August 6. Blessed be the Lord, the work goes on, and I feel 
 very thankful that the Lord has answered prayer in the appoint- 
 ment of our preachers. I do feel the Lord orders all. 
 
 August 14. Thirty years, this day, I drnk the bitter cup, 
 and closed the eyes of my beloved husband ; and now I am 
 myself in a dying state. Lord prepare me! I feel death very 
 near. My soul doth wait, and long to fly to the bosom of my 
 
 had been Methodists wrote to Mr. Wesley, and got the preachers again ; and, in 
 a f"w years after, there were twelve hundred members in that society. 
 
 " I acknowledge, dear sir, there may be some humiliation in thus acting in 
 eoncert with others. But is not humiliation the only way to exaltation 1 Do we 
 ever rise in the divine life, but in proportion as we sink"! If the prophets of the 
 Jx>rd were sawn asunder, tcore stoned ; if they wandered about in dens and 
 caves of the earth shall we start at a few trials which may, in a email degree, 
 Jay our honour in the dust, when the honour of our heavenly Father is advanced 
 (J: reby? I say again, should the Methodists decline, (which God forbid,) they 
 w;>uld soon cast us off if we did not decline with them. 
 
 '' When the people of this place have had, by some years' experience, a full 
 proof of your holy and close walk .with God, the purity of your doctrine, and the 
 unchangeableness of your affection;' that you hare them in your heart to line and 
 die trith them ; they will then cleave to you with an undivided love, discerning 
 that the Lord has said unto you, Behold your children : and in their hearts, Be- 
 hold your father. A great step toward this has already been taken on our side : 
 but as yet your mind has been far less settled than ours ; and perhaps should we 
 meet you with Jehu's salutation to Jehonadab, you could not freely give us your 
 hand. But this does not discourage me. I impute it to the opposition of Satan, 
 who sees you are in your right place and in your right order as a stone now 
 let into that very part of the building where God designs you to be ; and he would 
 fain disorder the whole by throwing you cut, either through discouragement or 
 by any other way. 
 
 "Permit me to add, I am more and more convinced that you are the gift of 
 God to us to me in particular, an answer to my own prayer. I daily feel an 
 encouraging union with both yourself and Mrs. Walter. I often boast to the 
 preachers of the sweetness of your spirit, and the union of your heart in the work. 
 O let not my boasting be ever vain ; but when I close my eyes in Madeley, Jet 
 me have the satisfaction to behold from the upper world, that the dove-like spirit 
 which so eminently reigned in my dear husband has dropped, as his mantle, upon 
 yon, and that it shines forth as a double portion. 
 
 ' : Having an hour at command, I have freely opened my heart to you. Receive 
 it as, perhaps, the dying advice of one who earnestly prays you may be filled 
 with all the fulness of God."* 
 
 The result of this most affectionate and pious epistle, was, that Mr. W. teas 
 fully delivered from his uneasiness, and for twenty-one years laboured, in the 
 most affectionate and f lithful manner, for the good of the parish, and in every 
 part of it to the great edification of .the people. His excellent partner, who was 
 closely connected with, and very dear to Mrs. Fletcher, died at Madeley, in the 
 full triumph of faith. See page fc34. 
 
 I am happy to add, that the people, who were thus obliged- to become a dis- 
 tinct body, have not separated from the Church, but still attend the public service 
 there. ED. 
 
 * This letter, which is in Mrs. Fletcher's own hand, has neither date nor sign*- 
 nire, but it was evidently written cc^long after the former. ED.
 
 PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 299 
 
 God ! Come, my adorable Saviour ! I lie at thy feet ; I long for 
 all thy fulness ! Bless my dear and faithful friend. Keep her 
 secure ; I long for the day when we shall all meet above ! 
 
 September 12. This day I am seventy-six years old, and the 
 same day my dear husband would have been eighty-six. Surely 
 we shall remember the scenes we have had together. But, O my 
 God, give me power to cleave to thee every moment! I feel 
 the powers of darkness are vehemently striving to distract and 
 hinder me. O my God and Father, enable me to walk in thy 
 constant presence ! O Jesus, Jesus ! fill me with thy love, 
 pour out thy Spirit abundantly upon me, and make mv heart 
 thy constant home ! 
 
 September 27. I am filled with mercies ; but I want to be 
 filled with holiness. O show thy lovely face ! Draw me more 
 close to thyself! I long, I wait fora closer union. It is amazing 
 under how many complaints I still live ! But they are held by 
 the hand of the Lord. On the Monday evenings I have had 
 some power to read and speak at the room till the nights grew 
 dark ; but on Sunday noon I have yet liberty, though my eyes 
 are so bad and sore. The LorA helps me wonderfully. In the 
 class also, in the morning, the Lord doth help. O for entire 
 holiness ! 
 
 October 26. I have had a bad night; but asking help of the 
 Lord for closer communion, my precious Lord applied that 
 word, / have borne thy sins in my own body on the tree. I 
 felt his presence. I seem very near death ; but I long to fly 
 into the arms of my beloved Lord. I feel his loving kindness 
 surrounds me. 
 
 Mrs. Fletcher's journal ends here. I believe she wrote no 
 more. She died on the ninth day of the December following. 
 The particulars of her last illness, and of her departure, are 
 supplied by Miss Tooth. I extract them from the short account 
 which she published soon after the death of her venerable friend. 
 For the last month of Mrs. Fletcher's life, her breath v.as 
 more oppressed than usual ; it had been much affected for some 
 years upon motion : yet when she sat still, or laid herself down 
 at night, she could breathe quite easy. But in the middle of 
 November, her breathing was affected, both while she sat still, 
 and when she was laid down. She had also a very trouble- I 
 some cough. By these her strength quickly declined. She 
 had had a wound for two years and three quarters in one side 
 of her left breast, which was at first supposed to be a cancer : 
 but her sufferings from this were not to be compared with what 
 she suffered from difficulty of breathing. Yet she would speak 
 to the people, though, as she said, " It is like as if every meet- 
 ing would take away my life ; but I will speak to them while I 
 have any breath." 
 One day, when her sufferings were rreat, she seid, ' How
 
 300 THE LIFE OF [PART VJ1I, 
 
 sweet are the words of the apostle, ' The sufferings of this life 
 are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall follow !' " 
 And on the llth of November she mentioned the divine aid she 
 found in these words, "Call upon me in the time of trouble; so 
 will I hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me:" these words she 
 frequently repeated, and sometimes would add, " Yes, my Lord, 
 I will call upon thee ; and I shall glorify thee too." 
 
 Another time she said, with peculiar energy, They that 
 trust in the Lord shall never be confounded." She added also, 
 with much animation in her countenance, " That promise given 
 me so many years ago now comes with fresh power, ' Thou 
 shalt walk with me in white.' And that also, ' I will thoroughly 
 purge away thy dross, and take away thy tin.' " She added, 
 
 " ' Everlasting life is won, 
 Glory is on earth begun. 1 " 
 
 On the 18th of November, she often repeated, with much 
 animation, 
 
 " I am thine, and thou art mine, 
 A bond eternal hath us join'd." 
 
 Indeed, the goodness of the Lord, and the great things that 
 faith will do, were subjects on which she delighted to dwell. I 
 have often heard her say, the particular commission the Lord 
 had given her, was to encourage souls to believe ; and herein 
 she certainly was greatly blessed to many. 
 
 On the 23d, she many times repeated these words, which, 
 she said, came to her with unusual sweetness in the night, 
 
 " Thy righteousness wearing, and cleansed by thy blood, 
 Bold shall I appear in the presence of God." 
 
 All this day she had a great degree of fever upon her, yet she 
 would sometimes say to me, " What were the sweet words the 
 Lord gave me last night ?" As soon as I pronounced the first 
 word, she would go on with the rest, and add, " I feel the power 
 of them, though my head is so confused with this fever, that I 
 could not immediately recollect them." 
 
 On the 6th of December, while looking on me with the 
 tenderest affection, she said, " My faithful friend, my dearest 
 friend ; ten thousand blessings on her head." She continued 
 also to cry to God for a blessing upon several persons whom 
 she mentioned; and upon all her relations: though they were 
 so far from her in body, they were to the last interested in her 
 prayers ; and she would frequently plead with the Lord, that 
 one day she might meet them all in glory. From the beginning 
 of December, she dozed much, whenever the cough and the 
 oppression upon her breath, would allow her any ease. This 
 she often complained of, saying, " I lose my time ; I want every 
 moment to be spent in prayer or praise." 
 
 On the same day, when waking out of a doze, she said. " \
 
 PART VIII.) MRS. FLETCHER. 301 
 
 am drawing near to glory;" and, soon after,, ,' There is my 
 house and portion fair;" and again, "Jesus, cofne, my hope of 
 glory:" and, after a short pause, "He lifts his hands and 
 shows that I am graven there." The two following days were 
 indeed days of love and praise. Mrs. Perks and others visited 
 her, upon whom she prayed the choicest blessings might 
 descend. 
 
 The day following, the 8th, her breathing was exceedingly 
 difficult. In the morning she had walked into the other room, 
 as usual, with only the help of my arm. In the middle of the 
 day she wished to go into the chamber again, and I led her, as 
 at other times ; but she was now weaker, and I could scarcely 
 keep her from falling. I therefore asked her to sit down in a 
 chair, which she did, and I wheeled her back again : with this 
 she was much pleased, and said, the exercise had done her 
 good. All the Afternoon she was extremely ill, either hot to a 
 great degree, shivering with cold, or very drowsy; but through 
 all, her mouth was full of the loving kindness of the Lord. 
 
 At night, she said she would not go to bed till after ten 
 o'clock. We prayed together before we went into the cham- 
 ber ; but her breath being so greatly oppressed, she prayed but 
 a short time. She then said, " Call upon the Lord." When I 
 concluded, she said it was a very comfortable time ; and having 
 heard, in the afternoon, that Dr. Yonge, (who had always 
 shown her the greatest attention^ was iB, she prayed particu- 
 larly for him. 
 
 When we were ready to go into the chamber, after ten 
 o'clock, I got her into the chair, hut she was now weaker than 
 at noon. However, I wheeled her to the bed side, and could 
 not but look upon her as dying ; and indeed so she consideied 
 herself, for when in bed, she said, " My love, this is the last 
 time I shall get into bed ; it has been hard work to get in, but 
 it is work I shall do no more. This oppression upon my breath 
 cannot last long ; but all is well. The Lord will shower down 
 ten thousand blessings upon thee, my tender nurse, my kind 
 friend." 
 
 After these and many more kind expressions to the same 
 effect, she desired I would make haste to bed. I entreated her 
 to let me sit up, repeatedly saying, " Do let me watch with you 
 this one night;" but with all the tenderness imaginable, yet 
 with that degree of firmness which made me unwilling to urge 
 the request farther, she said, "Go to bed; you have done all 
 for me you can do. You know you can be with me in a m*. 
 ment if I want you; but if you sit up it will make me uncom- 
 fortable. I cannot rest without you go to bed." After I had 
 made all the excuses I could for remaining up, and look 
 upon her dear countenance as long as her kind concern for me 
 would admit, she again urged my going to bed ; and I there 
 26
 
 302 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 
 
 laid me within the bed clothes, without undressing. She then 
 asked, "Are you in bed, ray love ?" I answered, " Yes." She 
 then said, '* That's right, now if I can rest, I will ; but let 
 our hearts be united in prayer, and the Lord bless both thee 
 and me !" 
 
 These were the last words her beloved lips uttered ; for some 
 time after this, about one o'clock in the morning of December 
 9th, the noise her breath had so long made, ceased. I thought, 
 Is she dropped asleep? It immediately came to my mind, 
 " Asleep in Jesus ! See, a soul escaped to bliss." I went directly 
 to her bed side, where I found the beloved body without the 
 immortal spirit, which had entered the realms of endless day. 
 My feelings are not to be described ; I clung to the casket of 
 the saint. I knelt down by the side of it, and cried to Him who 
 had just now called home the spirit of my friend, that some 
 portion of her spirit might rest on me. At length I thought I 
 should injure her dear remains, if I did not call the family up. 
 I therefore went and called my sister and the servant, at half 
 past one ; after which I sent for Mrs. Perks, who kindly came 
 over immediately. I never left the chamber, while any thing 
 could be done for her : I had promised to be with her to the 
 last, and the Lord enabled rne so to do. 
 
 Her countenance was as sweet a one as was ever seen in 
 death. There was at the last neither sigh, groan, or struggle ; 
 and she had all the appearance of a person in the most com- 
 posed slumber. When I first undrew the curtain, and saw her 
 dear head dropped off the pillow, and looking so sweetly com- 
 posed, I could not persuade myself the spirit was fled, till I took 
 her in my arms, and found no motion left. I then perceived 
 the moment she had so much longed for had arrived, the 
 happy moment when she should gain the blissful shore, and 
 
 " See the Lamb in glory stand, 
 Encircled with his radiant band, 
 And join the angelic powers." 
 
 Well, 
 
 " AH that height of gloiious bliss 
 Her everlasting portion is, 
 And all that heaven is ours."
 
 FART VHI.J MRS. FLETCHER. 303 
 
 A REVIEW OF HER CHARACTER. 
 
 IT is generally expected that the memoirs of eminent persons 
 should be accompanied with a view of their character, com- 
 prehending the several particulars wherein they differed from 
 the generality of mankind, and so became conspicuous. This 
 may be, in general, edifying, and certainly is not a difficult 
 task ; but it seems to me not so easy, when the life of a real 
 Christian (one who was truly such on the Scripture model) is 
 given to the world. We do not find that the inspired writers 
 ever take that way, although they had the greatest characters 
 on earth to delineate, even those of whom the world was not 
 worthy. Mr. Wesley took high ground when at Oxford, (as 
 he informs us,) he " determined to devote his whole life to 
 God." Hence the world knew him not, because they knew 
 not Him whom he served. His own works, especially the 
 daily account of that whole life, thus devoted, and which is 
 contained in his Journals, can alone describe the man ; and if 
 warranted by Holy Scripture, can alone show if indeed he 
 kept that ground. Men may bring their line and plummet, and 
 take the gauge of excellence, or the contrary, as they may be 
 disposed ; but the principle of action lies beyond their kec. 
 " He that is spiritual judgeth all tilings, yet he himself is 
 judged of no man." 
 
 The same may be said of Mrs. Fletcher. If she were only 
 an eminent person, and even eminent in the church, it would 
 be an easy task to display her character in the several points 
 of view in which human attainments may be exhibited, so aa 
 to excite admiration, and stimulate the readers to an imitation 
 of her various excellencies. But I find an awe upon my mind 
 in contemplating the task which may thus be supposed to have 
 fallen upon me ; and I recur to what was said in the preface, 
 The Life of Mrs. Fletcher will not be considered as a common 
 biography, but as an account of a work of the Spirit of God. 
 That she greatly differed from the generality even of those 
 who have been favoured, like her, with eminent talents, and 
 rich gifts of providence, .will not be denied by the most cursory 
 reader of these memoirs. But "who made her to differ? And 
 what had she which she had not received 1" These questions 
 we know were so received by her as to annihilate all glorying 
 in the flesh. How deeply she felt all this glory swallowed up 
 in shame, need not now be set forth by me. She came to the 
 throne of grace, not with the humility of a creature, (which 
 the holy angels well understand, and deeply feel,) but with the 
 humility of a sinner, pleading only, the only true plea,
 
 304 THE LIFE or [PART vm, 
 
 "Dust and ashes is my name, 
 My all is sin and misery ; 
 Friend of sinners, spotless Lamb, 
 Thy blood was shed for me !" 
 
 The pious reader has not read these memoirs in vain. There 
 is no danger that such a one will fall into the mistake of Agrip- 
 pa, who, while he contemplated the great character of St. Paul 
 shining through his chains, forgot who and where he was, and 
 cried out, " Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian !" 
 Nor will he need the gentle, but firm correction which the 
 loving Apostle gave to that prince, " I would to God, that not 
 only thou, but also all that, hear me this day, were both almost, 
 and altogether such as I am, except these bonds :" thus inti- 
 mating, that, as " no man can call Jesus Lord, but by the Holy 
 Ghost," so no man can be a Christian, but by being created 
 anew in Christ Jesus.* 
 
 Before honour is humility. The humility that belongs to 
 man as a sinner, we have already noted. It has in it the sen- 
 tence of death. A heartfelt acknowledgment, that it is just 
 this sentence should take place, and that in us dwelleth no 
 good thing, is that humility which is alone founded in truth. 
 Blessed are they who are thus " poor in spirit, for theirs is the 
 kingdom of heaven," even " righteousness, and peace, and 
 joy in the Holy Ghost." These "unsearchable riches of 
 "Christ" are made theirs by the " Holy Ghost, who glorifies 
 the Saviour." Mrs. Fletcher's heart was thus, like Lydia's, 
 opened, and "filled with peace and joy in believirg." And 
 she never lost the heavenly blessing. She kept her poverty, 
 and she retained her kingdom. 
 
 Like her admirable husband, Mrs. Fletcher did not rest 
 satisfied with being " plucked as a brand from the burning : she 
 had not so learned Christ. Leaving therefore the principles 
 of the doctrine of Christ, she went on unto perfection." Her 
 eyes seemed ever fixed on "the robe washed and made white 
 in the blood of the Lamb. The work of the Holy Ghost, sanc- 
 tifying the believer, body, soul, and spirit," slie knew was as 
 necessary to eternal salvation, as the work of the Saviour 
 upon the cross. The Lord put that cry into her heart, 
 
 " Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, 
 Be to me what Adiim lost" 
 
 Nor did she forget that "far more exceeding and eternal 
 weight of glory," that is become the privilege of beliewa, in 
 consequence of God the Son, and not Adam, being nO;the 
 head of the human race. ' Beholding with unveiMfac<?4bJB 
 glory of the Lord," in the salvation of guilty and*ii(ul man, 
 
 *' 
 * See Mr. Wesley's admiraUe nots on the passage, Acts xivi, 89.
 
 VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 305 
 
 " Her soul broke out in strong desire, 
 
 The perfect bliss to prove : 
 Her longing heart was all on fire, 
 To be renew'd in love." 
 
 A good judge of religion, as exhibited in the gracious reco- 
 very of fallen man,* being, many years ago, asked his opinion 
 of the vicar of Madeley, replied, " There is no occasion of 
 stumbling in him. Sot down any of the Scriptural marks of 
 a Christian, or a true Christian minister, and I will engage he 
 will not be found deficient." We know there are strong por- 
 traits in the Sacred Word drawn by the pencil of truth, of 
 those who " added to their faith virtue, and to virtue know- 
 ledge, and to knowledge temperance, and to temperance 
 patience, and to patience godliness, and to godliness brotherly 
 kindness, and to brotherly kindness charity ;" and I believe 
 the pious reader of her life will not be disposed to doubt, that 
 these things were evidently in Mrs. Fletcher also, and that 
 they abounded ; making her neither barren nor unfruitful 
 in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
 
 No man could better detect the deceitfulness of the human 
 heart, even in those who are religiously disposed, than her 
 admirable husband has done; especially when treating his 
 favourite subject, (the subject also of his Divine Master in 
 his sermon on the mount,) Christian Perfection. Addressing 
 those whom he calls, " Perfect Christian Pharisees," he ob- 
 serves, " Ye are most ready to profess Christian Perfection, 
 though, alas ! ye stand at the utmost distance from perfect 
 humility, the grace most essential to the Christian character. 
 You have professedly entered into the fold where Christ's 
 sheep, who are perfected in love, rest all at each other's feet, 
 and at the feet of the Lamb of God. But how have you enter- 
 ed 1 Not by "Christ the door," for Christ is " meekness and 
 lowliness" manifested in the flesh ; but ye are still ungentle, 
 and fond of praise. Your proud minds are above stooping low 
 to follow him, who "made himself of no reputation," that he 
 might raise us to heavenly honours ; and who, to pour JUP t 
 contempt on human pride, had his first night's lodging in a 
 stable, and gpent his last night partly on the cold ground in an 
 agony, and partly in an ignominious confinement, exposed to 
 the greatest indignities. He rested his infant head upon hay, 
 his dying head upon thorns. A manger was his cradle, and a 
 cross his death bed. Thirty years he travelled from the Rordid 
 stable to the accursed tree. Shepherds were his first attend- 
 ants, and malefactors his last companions. 
 
 " Now far from practising with godly sincerity either his 
 first lesson, ' Blessed are the poor in spirit,' or those which he 
 
 * The Rev John Owen, some lime Mr. Fletcher's curate, a gentlemmu after- 
 ward well known, and highly respected in India and in Eigland. 
 
 26*
 
 306 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII, 
 
 afterward inculcated, ye abhor penitential poverty. Your, 
 humility is not cordial. You are humble in looks, in gestures, 
 in voice, in dress, in behaviour, from motives of Pha Isaic am- 
 bition. But ye continue strangers to the unaffected simplicity 
 and lowliness of Christ's perfect disciples. Ye choose the 
 lowest place, but ye do not love it. If you cheerfully take it, 
 it is not among your equals, but your inferiors : and because 
 you hope that men will say to yon, ' Come up higher.' Ye 
 still aim at some wrong mark. Ye have a narrow contracted 
 spirit. Ye do not gladly sacrifice your private satisfaction, 
 your interest, your reputation, your prejudices, to the general 
 interest of truth and love, and to the public good of the whole 
 body of Christ." 
 
 Let Mrs. Fletcher be proved by these high principles. How 
 often, how continually, do we find her in these memoirs, trying 
 herself by, and aiming to, walk according to them ! How con- 
 stantly did she struggle against the root of all this corruption! 
 How perseveringly did she eye the footsteps of her Divine 
 Muster, making it the one desire of her whole life, "to be 
 conformed to the image of the Son of God !" 
 
 Many who have aimed at living unto God, according to the 
 full spiritual rule of the Gospel, have been sometimes charged 
 with neglecting, or lightly esteeming the Divine Atonement. 
 This is certainly true of several eminent persons, who have in 
 this Way of defective faith, professed to " follow on to know 
 the Lord." Very celebrated names, and in whom was found 
 much of the Christian character, have thus " gone about to 
 establish their own righteousness ;" and in a way so refined, 
 that they seemed to defy detection. But have they not "la- 
 boured in vain, and bpcnt their strength for nought ?" Has 
 not a spirit of bondage been manifest in their approaches to 
 God, and in their religious communion with men ? True repose 
 and liberty of spirit, while contending against sin, can only be 
 found in " the blood of the covenant." If our abode be not 
 the horrible pit of guilt and corruption, shall we not walk in 
 the miry clay of doubt and fear, if we thus forsake " the strong 
 rock?" I trust the pious reader has seen that Mrs. Fletcher 
 never forsook it ; never gave place to this refined temptation. 
 As she " magnified the law and made it honourable," as the 
 rule of life, so she magnified that perfect and infinitely meri- 
 torious "sacrifice offered to God, through the eternal Spirit." 
 It was her all in all, whether as " a babe in Christ," holding 
 him with a trembling hand, or as "a mother in Israel," esta- 
 blished, strengthened, and settled. The language of her heart 
 was, throughout her whole course, Every moment, Lord, I 
 want the merit of thy death. 
 
 Of her ordinary walk, the most competent witness now alive 
 has, in the fulness of her heart, given us some striking particu-
 
 .PART Till.] MRS. FLETCHER. 307 
 
 lars. Speaking of her domestic life, Miss Tooth observes, 
 
 "She was one of a thousand, as of mercy so of economy; 
 always sparing of expense upon herself, that she might have 
 the more to give to the household of faith." She would often 
 say, " God's receivers upon earth, are Christ's church, and hie 
 poor." When I have proposed the purchase of some article 
 of clothing for her, she would ask, " Is it quite necessary ? If 
 not, do not buy ; it will be much better to give the money to 
 some of our poor neighbours, than to lay it out upon me." 
 Nor was this once only ; it was invariably her conduct, and 
 with great truth it might be constantly said of her also, that 
 "V/lmt her charity impair?, 
 She saves by prudence in affairs." 
 
 " She was always remarkably exact in setting down every 
 penny she expended. She kept four different accounts, in which 
 all she spent was included. These four were, the house, sun- 
 dries, clothes, and poor. We have often at the end of the year 
 been astonished to find the house expenses so small, consider- 
 ing how many had shared with us. At such times she has said, 
 ' It is the Lord who has blessed our bread and water.' I have 
 in former years taken up the book in which she kept her ac- 
 counts, and wept over it, with the consideration, that I should 
 one day probably have to settle it alone ; and now I drink of 
 the bitter cup. A 'few days ago I entered upon the work ; and 
 I think it right, as a confirmation of what I have before ad- 
 vanced, to state the difference between the expenses of her 
 clothes, and what she dispensed to the poor. On making up 
 the account of her apparel, I found the whole year's expenditure 
 amounted to nineteen shillings and sixpence ; this was every 
 penny that had been laid out on her own person for the whole 
 year. The expense was not always so small, but I believe it 
 never amounted to five pounds. 
 
 " I then made up the poor's account, and found the amount 
 to be 181/. 16.9. Id. Thus liberally had she dispensed abroad. 
 But her desire of communicating comfort to the afflicted was 
 very extensive : I do not think she ever heard of a person in 
 distress, but, if in her power to do it, she by some means con- 
 trived to send relief. To comfort the distressed was always a 
 real comfort to her. With regard to tihis world's wealth, it was 
 no more to her than the dust on the balance,. SSlic has often 
 said, and I am sure with great truth, ' Gold is no more to me 
 than dust; the gold of Ophir than the stones of the brook.' At 
 another time she would Bay, 'It is not BO important what we 
 have, as how we use it.' 
 
 " Her love to every one was so abundant that she was nn- 
 willing to find a fault in any. She was ever desirous of casting 
 the mantle of love over the failings of others, if the truth would 
 admit of it. And while her kindness was thua extensively
 
 308 THE LIFE OF 
 
 manifested to all with whom she had any intercourse, her gra- 
 titude to others, who showed marks of love to her, was no less. 
 When her kind friends sent her any thing they thought would 
 be acceptable, it was her study to think how she could return 
 them an equal token of love ; and if nothing was brought to 
 her mind to do for them at the time, she would say, ' Well, if I 
 can do no more, I can pray for them.' I never knew her sit 
 down to partake of any thing that was the gift of a friend, with- 
 out first praying for the donor. 
 
 " And while her gratitude to the creature was thus evidently 
 discerned, her praise and thanksgiving to the Creator was abun- 
 dant. Indeed she lived in the spirit of praise, frequently saying, 
 ' What blessings has the Lord bestowed upon me ! How com- 
 fortable has he made me in my old age ; though I am left here, 
 and my dearly beloved husband, and my Sally, in glory, yet I 
 know no lack. And such a loving people ! I may well say, I 
 dwell among my own people.' " 
 
 To this loving faith she added courage. This is very con- 
 spicuous in her whole life. The righteous, says Solomon, is 
 bold as a lion. This quality, it is well known, was possessed 
 in a very high degree by her admirable husband. He was 
 valiant for the truth, and a terror to evil doers. Mrs. Fletcher 
 was not less so, allowing for the difference of her sex. As a 
 fruit of this Christian courage, a noble ingenuousness was found 
 in them both. Mr. Fletcher's striking and bold discourse 
 against Popery, (which had lamentably imbued his parish, be- 
 fore his induction,) when, after some years, it again reared its 
 head, is well known to the readers of his Life. Mrs. Fletcher 
 had this enemy to encounter also, but in a milder shape. We 
 joyfujly allow that Popery has had (and we doubt not still has) 
 its true saints. It must be so while it continues sound in the 
 doctrine of the Trinity, and the Atonement. Those in that 
 Church who are led by the Spirit of God, will thus find some 
 portions of the bread of life amidst the mountains of chaff 
 which satisfy earthly minds, and operate as poison on those 
 who love to be deceived. It could not be but that the Romish 
 minister of Madeley should strive to gain a convert like Mrs. 
 Fletcher. He presented many books to her, which were ac- 
 companied with long letters, and thus, with every appearance 
 of the most friendly regard, he, strove to turn her from what he 
 believed to be the error of her ways. But though her earthly 
 head and shield had been withdrawn, the zealous pastor found 
 he had not a flighty, uninformed, or unstable Christian to deal 
 with. Her short answers, (short when compared with the let- 
 ters which she had received,) fully exhibiting the Christian 
 spirit, may be found in the Appendix, No. 1. 
 
 If we look at what may be called her public life, a long life, 
 filled with the work of faith, the patience of hope, and the
 
 t ART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 309 
 
 labour of love, we cannot but observe how carefully she at- 
 tended to that sacred warning, given to all who are called to 
 the arduous duty of saving souls from death: They made me 
 keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard have I not 
 kept. We have seen how great, how constant, how perse- 
 vering, even to the . close of life, were her loving exertions ; 
 but did they ever prevent, or weaken, in her mind, the great 
 duty of self-examination ? No : her eye seemed fixed on the 
 Apostle's words, "I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so 
 fight I, not as one that beateth the air : but I keep under my 
 body, and bring it into subjection ; lest that by any means, 
 when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway." 
 
 I am sensible that I here tread on tender ground. The ques- 
 tion of the lawfulness, or even of the expediency of female 
 preaching, will recur to every sensible and pious reader; es- 
 pecially as Mrs. Fletcher lived and died a member of the Church 
 of England, and of the Methodist Society, neither of which 
 sanctions a female ministry. But I cannot but think that much 
 that has been said on this question, especially since the days 
 of George Fox, (when the ministry of females received a regu- 
 lar establishment in his community,) may be spared on this 
 occasion. Mrs. Fletcher has already spoken on this subject, 
 (page 93,) and every candid reader has, I believe, felt the 
 modesty and simplicity of that short statement. In truth, her 
 preaching was but an enlargement of her daily and hourly con- 
 versation. Her family her visitors, might be said to be her 
 constant congregation. And as she never, in her more public 
 efforts, meddled with the government of the Church usurped 
 authority over the man, or made any display of a regular or 
 authoritative commission, but merely strove to " win souls, by 
 pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the 
 Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, by the word of truth, by the 
 power of God ;" while she was herself the least and the ser- 
 vant of all: may not every pious Churchman and Methodist 
 unite, and say, Would to God that all the Lord's people were 
 such prophets and prophetesses. 
 
 Mr. Wesley, who never sanctioned a regular ministry of that 
 kind, permitted, and it may be said, encouraged her Christian 
 efforts in that way. Her conflicts were very great concerning 
 her call in that respect ; and the taunts which she had to endure 
 from men, were very painful. These she at length embodied 
 in a letter to Mr. Wesley, declaring her willingness to abide 
 by his decision; and that she would gladly resist this impres- 
 sion, if the Lord should so direct her by him. Mr. Wesley, 
 who well knew her simplicity, godly .sincerity, and admirable 
 understanding, replied, " That he considered it to be an ex- 
 traordinary call. That he also looked upon the whole work of 
 God, termed Methodism, to be an extraordinary dispensation.
 
 310 MRS. FLETCHER. {PART VIII, 
 
 Therefore," says he, " I do not wonder if several things occur 
 therein, which do not fall under ordinary rules of discipline. 
 St. Paul's ordinary rule was, not to permit a woman to speak 
 in the congregation ; yet in extraordinary cases he made a few 
 exceptions." Mrs. Fletcher thanked God for this answer, and 
 continued her labours of love to the close of her life. 
 
 As I think it probable that those readers whom I am most 
 disposed to gratify, may indulge a wish that some specimen of 
 her expounding on those occasions, were recorded, I am happy 
 that I can meet those wishes. They will find, in the Appendix, 
 No. 2, some thoughts left by her, which may give some idea of 
 her manner of teaching. Behold her then sitting modestly in 
 the corner of her large room, with the crowded assembly, 
 (among whom were not unfrequently some ministers of eminent 
 piety and learning,) hanging on her lips ! It has been said, 
 that she was rather too fond of spiritualizing ; I am therefore 
 not sorry that the discourse which I am thus enabled to give, is 
 of that kind. I think the sensible reader will not pronounce 
 that there is any thing to blame in this specimen ; but will 
 rather think that the subject is soberly treated, and with a due 
 restraint on the imagination. It is however only the outline ; 
 the enlargement, the colouring, the unction, the life, are not 
 there. These are gone ! The place of this evangelical pro- 
 phetess knows her no more ! But she lives, and her name is 
 as ointment poured forth. She rests from her labours, and 
 her works do follow her. She sees them not ; she sees only 
 the Lamb of God ! But he sees them all : not one of them 
 ' forgotten before God. They will appear to assembled 
 worlds in that day when the books shall be opened; and being 
 wrought in God, they shall be found unto praise, and honour, 
 and glory.
 
 APPENDIX NO. I. 
 
 "REV. SIR, As there is ho act of friendship greater than to 
 care for the immortal soul, I consider myself as truly indebted 
 to you for the kind concern you have expressed for mine. J 
 have read your letter, and also the two books you were 30 kind 
 as to send me ; but bear with me, sir, if I say, I cannot be of 
 your mind, viz. " That no one can be saved out of the Church 
 of Rome, if they have opportunity of being instructed by it." 
 I consider myself as a weak and unworthy member of the true 
 church, which I believe to he the whole body of true believers 
 scattered over all the earth ; who, having experienced, (or 
 who 'are earnestly seeking so to do,) the new birth mentioned 
 by our Lord in the third chapter of St. John's Gospel, feel that 
 they who are in Christ are new creatures ; and who rely on 
 the Lord Jesus, our great atonement, alone, for pardon and 
 acceptance ; though also conscious, that without holiness no 
 man shall see the Lord. Now these sincere followers of the 
 Saviour, I consider as the true church, whether in England, 
 Rome, or any other part of the world. I acknowledge the 
 word Protestant was not used till Luther's time ; but the truths 
 we contend for, I date from the time of our Lord and his Apos- 
 tles. I believe, that after a certain season, the falling away, 
 foretold by St. Paul, 2 Thessalonians, chap, ii, verse 3, took 
 place, and a flood of error overspread almost all the Christian 
 world; only a little branch remaining in small companies, 
 against whom f he gates of hell did not prevail, though op- 
 pressed on all sides, till the Lord found a hiding place for 
 the woman in the wilderness, at that time which we call the 
 Reformation. 
 
 " If the authority of the church really springs from St. Peter, 
 I apprehend it remained with those faithful souls who abode 
 in their primitive simplicity when the rest were carried away. 
 But permit me to say, I lay no more stress on St. Peter, than 
 I do on the other Apostles ; for it is plain our Lord gave after- 
 ward the same authority to them all ; and it is certain St. Paul 
 did not acknowledge that St. Peter had any pre-eminence over 
 the rest, for he claimed an equality with all the Apostles, Gal. 
 i, 15-17, and upon one occasion ' withstood St. Peter to the 
 face,' Gal. ii, 11. With regard to the doctrine of Calvin, 
 which represents the God of love in a very wrong light, I 
 therein agree with you, and mourn that so many good men do 
 hold it. Had not Christ died for all, the Apostles could not 
 have been commanded to preach the Gospel to every creature.' 
 However, I believe we must all receive the Saviour in a double
 
 312 APPENDIX NO. I. 
 
 sense, as given for us, and as living in us ; that we are en- 
 tirely forgiven for his sake, and must also have a change into 
 his nature, as he himself said in the mission which he gave to 
 St. Paul, Acts xxvi, 17, 18, ' That they may be brought from 
 the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgive- 
 ness of sins, and inheritance among them that are sanctified 
 by faith that is in me.' 
 
 " O, sir, may this loving, faith-producing holiness be found 
 in you and me ! For if we are not one with Christ, as ' the 
 branch is with the vine,' continually drawing life from him, 
 we cannot be saved, whatever church we belong to. I thank 
 you for telling me you will remember me before the throne ; 
 give me leave to say, I feel myself led to do the same for you : 
 and if we are both found on the right foundation, and meet in 
 glory, how sweetly shall we forget the name of Romanist and 
 Protestant, and, in one voice, unite in perpetual ' hallelujahs 
 to God and the Lamb for ever !' 
 
 " I am, Rev. Sir, your obliged servant, 
 
 "MARY FLETCHER." 
 
 "Rsv. SIR, All you say of the importance of the soul and 
 eternal things, I most heartily agree with you in, and sincerely 
 desire to turn my back on earth, and choose Jesus as my only 
 portion. But, O sir, bear with me when -I say I cannot be of 
 your mind, nor receive your church as truly catholic. You 
 say, ' She is one, whereas we are divided into many." Alas ! 
 how can she appear otherwise, when no member dares to speak 
 his mind for fear of an inquisition ? If all hearts were known, 
 how many opinions would be found among you ? But even this 
 appearance was not always, for at times you have had more 
 popes than one, and each had his own party. There were 
 then divisions and disorders. I do not say this by way of 
 reproach. No ; in every church there are tares as well as 
 wheat : only I mean, you are not free from division any more 
 than we are, although force renders it more concealed. 
 
 "Again, I cannot but greatly object to your doctrine of in- 
 dulgence. Perhaps you will say, that it is now given up, as 
 the council of Trent disapproved of it. But why given up ? 
 If only because of the offence, then you still hold the same 
 opinion. Alas ! how hurtful and offensive to the God of purity ! 
 So a man may, for giving alms to the poor, &c, &c, commit 
 his favourite iniquity, and it shall not be imputed to him as 
 sin ! Ah, no ! * Without holiness none shall see the Lord,' 
 whatever indulgences he may procure. As to the righteous- 
 ness of other saints being imputed to him, is not this like say- 
 ing, ' Give us of your oil, for our lamps are gone out 1' But,
 
 APPENDIX NO. I. 313 
 
 perhaps you say, No, not so ; we have given it up, becaune we 
 see it wrong, and an error. Well, if you have, I am glad of 
 it. But in that case, sir, permit me to ask, How can your 
 popes be infallible, who have maintained so sad an error for so 
 many years. 
 
 "After I began my letter, I recollected that there were in the 
 house two litue tracts, one a Roman Catholic catechism, and 
 a reply; the other entitled, 'Popery calmly considered.'* I 
 looked for, and read them ; and as they contain some of the 
 ideas I was about to mention, I make free to send them, as 
 writing is difficult to me, being very infirm. I have also 
 inclosed an extract of the Life of M. de Renty, as a proof I 
 love holiness wherever I find it. It is a book I much love. I 
 have also put in an account of a young woman I much loved, 
 which I think you will like. You may keep these book's as 
 long as you please, as I suppose your time is much taken up. 
 The three' books you lent me I have perused, I trust they were 
 real conversions. By real conversions I mean, from ' the king- 
 dom of Satan to that of God's dear Son ;' and I do not wonder 
 those persons embraced an offer which appeared to be a refuge 
 from the world and sin, when they seemed to be surrounded 
 with nothing but carnal professors. 
 
 " I cannot conclude our correspondence, sir, without once 
 more thanking you for your kind concern and prayers ; and 
 though we differ in some sentiments, if we agree in an earnest 
 -desire to know and do ' the whole will of God,' I can embrace 
 you as a brother in the Lord, and regard you as such. One 
 day, I put this question to myself, If Mr. *- was to become 
 possessed of civil power, and when he found, after all his pains, 
 I could not see in his light, he should believe it to be his duty 
 to consume me at a stake, could I love him then ? After a 
 moment's pause, I replied, Yes, if I really thought he believed 
 it to be his duty, I could honour the upright intention, though 
 I should see the action wrong. Christ shed his own blood for 
 men ; but antichrist sheds the blood of others. Yet, whatever 
 I might suffer, I love an upright intention wherever I see it.f 
 " I am, Rev. Sir, your obliged servant, 
 
 "MARY FLETCHER." 
 
 * By Mr. Wesley. ED. t These lettere have no date. ED. 
 27
 
 APPENDIX NO. II. 
 
 Acts xxvii, 29, They cast fonr^anchors out of the stern, 
 and wished for the day. 
 
 The situation of the ship wherein Paul and his companions 
 ^ere, seems to me to illustrate the state and situation of many 
 of us here. We are told, There arose a tempestuous wind, 
 catted, in that country, Euroclydon a kind of hurricane, not 
 carrying the ship any one way, but driving her backward and 
 forward with great violence. So it is in general with those 
 who enter on the voyage of life. Satan, who is called the 
 prince of the power of the air, and who ruleth in the hearts 
 of the children of disobedience, keeps the mind in a continual 
 agitation. Sometimes they are sunk, and almost crushed, 
 under a weight of care ; and again raised high on the waves of 
 some expected pleasure. One while they are filled with resent- 
 ment, on account of some slight from a neighbour, or an unjust 
 accusation from an enemy ; while the mind is harassed with 
 the imagination, how it. shall be cleared. Sometimes the most 
 idle and extravagant fancies so deeply involve it, that no mes- 
 sage from heaven can find any more entertainment than the 
 Saviour could find in the inn at Bethlehem. By all this, the 
 soul becomes restless, and knows not where it is, nor which 
 way it is going. It does not feel that it is in a state of proba- 
 tion, and that thjs trial is to fix its eternal lot. Dear souls, is 
 not this the case with some of you ? You do not know where 
 you are you do not consider this may be your last night, per- 
 haps your last hour. Your eternal state will then be fixed for 
 ever. If the Lord should call you this hour, are you ready ! 
 O remember, it is the word of Jehovah himself, " The ox 
 knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib, but Israel 
 doth not know my people doth not consider." Again, do 
 you know where you are going ? Why, you are going the 
 broad road; you are going to heH as fast as you can. It is a 
 narrow way that leads to heaven, and you do not know one 
 step of it. You have not began to walk therein, nor perhaps 
 to think about it. O.that you were wise, that you understood 
 this, that you would consider your latter end! It maybe 
 you find a great many things to divert and take up your mind ; 
 it is employed by Satan from hour to hour. You are like the 
 disobedient prophet, asleep in the ship when a great storm 
 lay upon them. You neither see nor know your danger. Are 
 you the safer for this ! Would not those who are awake cry 
 out to such, Awake, thou sleeper, and call upon thy God ? 
 Thou art on the very brink of destruction. Well then, permit
 
 APPENDIX NO. II. 315 
 
 me so to call upon you, lest, when we meet at the great day, 
 you should upbraid me that I had once an opportunity of warn- 
 ing you, and that I did it but by halves ; and so the blood of 
 your souls should be found in my skirts. I fear for many in this 
 parish. My soul oft weeps in secret for them, lest the word 
 which to others proves the savour of life, should to them be- 
 come the savour of death, and rise up in judgment against them. 
 But I hope you, who are this night within the reach of my 
 voice, are in a degree awakened, and most of you eanu *'v 
 longing to be brought out of the storm into the quiet harbour 
 of Jesus' breast. To these I chiefly feel my message to bey 
 though I was not willing to leave the sleepers wholly disre- 
 t garded. Well, let us see what ^liey did in this great danger, 
 that we may do likewise. Paul says, " As we were exceedingly 
 tossed with a tempest, the next day we lightened the ship, and 
 the third flay we cast out with our own hands the tackling of 
 the ship. And as neither sun nor stars appeared for many 
 days,* and no small tempest lay on us, all hope of being saved 
 was taken away." Observe, first, they lightened the ship, 
 lighten your hearts ! There is too much of the world in them. 
 They cast out their merchandise, cast away your idols ! You 
 will say, perhaps, " I cannot." True ; I know you cannot your- 
 selves ; but if you will call on the Lord in the time of trouble, 
 he hath said, I will hear thee, and thou shall glorify me. If 
 you will begin to pray in good earnest, and persevere therein, 
 as the Lord is true, you shall know the liberty of his children, 
 and have power to cast all your idols to the moles, and to the 
 bats. Well, but on the third day they cast out the tackling 
 of the ship ; the very thing which we might think they would 
 have kept, in order to manage the vessel. No, all must go ! 
 Cast away your false confidence in any thing of your own ; 
 despair of any help but from the Lord Jesus. Yet obey his word ; 
 Look, remember he sayn, Look unto me, and be ye saved; yea, 
 look unto him as the author and finisher of your faith. Wait 
 upon him ; and remember the mind is the mouth of the soul 
 therefore, according as you feed your mind with thoughts, so 
 will the state of your soul be discovered. Look, I say, unto 
 him, and your soul shall ride out the storm. 
 
 And now a gleam of hope appears. Paul stood up and said, 
 " Be of good courage ; for there shall be no loss of any life 
 among you. The angel of that God whose I am, and whom I 
 serve, stood by me this night, and said, Fear not, Paul ; thou 
 must be presented before Cesar, and lo, I have given tbee all 
 them that sail with thee." So may hope spring up to thee this 
 present moment, whether thou art a poor backslider, or one of 
 the ship's company, who till this very hour hast been fast asleep 
 * Which was the more terrible, the use of the compass not being then di
 
 816 APPENDIX NO* II. 
 
 but if now awake, if now in earnest, and willing to be saved, > 
 come a step farther yet, and observe what they did next. They 
 cast four anchors out of the stern, and wished for day. 
 There is no day to the soul till Christ manifests his cheering 
 presence. In order to wait for that, follow their example they 
 cast out four anchors. Let us do so this night. Remember it 
 is your part to believe, and it is the Lord's to give the peace 
 and joy consequent on believing. Let us, then, make re- 
 peated acts of faith, so casting our anchor farther and farther 
 within the vail, and we shall draw up our souls nearer and 
 nearer to God. 
 
 Well, let us try to cast out one anchor now. I am sensible 
 your cable is short, therefore jve must seek for some ground as < 
 near you as we can. We will try, if we can, to find it in the 
 creating love of God, surrounding us on every side. Look 
 through the creation, observe the tender love o'f the birds to- 
 ward their young, yea, even the most savage beasts ! From 
 whence does this spring 1 ? It is from God. It ie a shadow of 
 that infinite compassion which reigns in his heart. Rise a little 
 higher. Fix your eye on man. How does he love a stubborn 
 eon who will neither serve God nor him 1 True, he frowns on 
 him, and corrects him, lest it should be said to him as to Eli, 
 Thou preferest thy son before me ; but if that son shed but 
 a tear of sorrow, raise but a sigh of repentance, if he but 
 come a few steps, how does the father's bowels yearn toward 
 him ! How doth he run to meet him ! Now carry the idea a 
 little higher ; Are ye not the offspring of God ? Has he not 
 said, " I have created thee for my glory ? I have formed thee 
 for my praise." Is not " his mercy over all his works ?" Be- 
 lieve then, that this "Author of all love, is more ready to give 
 the Holy Spirit to you, than you are to give good gifts to your 
 children." Will not this anchor take? Does it still come 
 home 1 Well, the ground is good, but your cable is too short. 
 Let us try another anchor ; and we will drop it on Redeem- 
 ing love. 
 
 Lift up your eyes of faith, behold your bleeding Saviour ! 
 See all your sins laid on his sacred head ! Behold him as your 
 Surety before the throne, and hear him plead, " I have tasted 
 death for every man. Thou, Father, wast in me reconciling 
 the world to thyself, not imputing their trespasses to them." I 
 stood before thee, charged with them all. If this poor soul, who 
 cries for mercy, is deeply in debt to thee, place it to my ac- 
 count : I will repay. Now venture on him, venture freely. 
 He hath drank all the bitter cup for you, and he offers this night 
 to take you into fellowship and communion with himself. " He 
 was delivered for your offences ! He hath cancelled all the 
 charge against you;" yea, " He was raised again for your jus- r 
 tification." Your Surety is exalted in proof that your debt ia
 
 APPENDIX, HO. H. 317 
 
 paid. Come, let me hear some voice among you giving praise, 
 and saying with the Christian poet^ 
 
 " Now I have found the ground wherein 
 Sure my soul's anchor may remain ; 
 The wounds of Jesus for my sin, 
 Before the world's foundation slain." 
 
 Methinks this anchor will hold. Is there not an increase of 
 hope? Hearken ! You shall hear his voice. Himself hath said, 
 'Hear, O my people, and I will speak!" Heaven is never 
 dumb, but when man hardens his heart. , 
 
 But perhaps there are some poor trembling souls still left 
 behind. For the sake of such, we will try to find firm ground 
 a little nearer yet. We will drop our third anchor on the 
 Promises. Here are some quite within your reach, " He that 
 cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out. Whosoever will, 
 let him take of the water of life freely. I came not to call the 
 righteous, but sinners to repentance." Yes, He came to seek 
 and to save that which is lost. Are you lost ? Lost in your 
 own estimation 1 Then he came to save you. Yes, and to seek 
 you too ; and he seeks you this night as diligently as ever 
 shepherd sought his lost sheep. Will you be found of him. 
 Yea, if you will believe in his love. Remember, "He willeth 
 not the death of a sinnfir ; but had rather he would turn from 
 his wickedness, and live." And though it should appear to 
 thee as if a mountain stood in the way, yet this is the word of 
 truth, If thou canst believe ; all things are possible to him 
 that believeth. Thou shall say to this mountain, Depart, 
 and it shall be done. There is no getting one step forward 
 in the heavenly road without courage, or, in other words, faith ; 
 and I trust there are here many whose anchor has held in the 
 first ground, Creating love, more in the second, Redeeming 
 love, and surely trembling sinners have found some hold in the 
 Promises. The Word of God is full of them, and they are 
 all for you. All belong to a wounded conscience to sinners 
 seeking the power of faith to conquer their sins, and bring them 
 to God. But yet I fear there may be a feeble-minded one who 
 is still left behind, and I am unwilling any should remain in 
 darkness, when Christ offers them light. But, perhaps such 
 will say, " O, I am an ungrateful sinner. I have turned away 
 my eyes from Jesus. The world, and the wild imaginations of 
 my polluted affections, have stolen between me and the Sa- 
 viour. Once "the candle of the Lord did shine upon my head!" 
 But now he is gone ; my beloved hath withdrawn himself, 
 and I am again shorn of my strength, and feeble as another 
 man. Well, do not despair. Thy soul shall yet ride the storm. 
 There is yet one anchor more, but it is possible you will not 
 all admire it. Some will cry out, Is that all 1 O, it is too low. 
 But let me tell you, low as you esteem it, because it seem* 
 27*
 
 318 APPENDIX NO. II. 
 
 within your reach, it will rise to the highest mansion in heaven. 
 It is, I own, a little dark at the first view, but the more you look 
 upon it, the brighter it will grow. Remember it was the sound 
 of a rain's horn, and the shout of human voices, that shook 
 the mighty watts of Jericho. God delights to do great things 
 by little means. 
 
 The name then of my fourth anchor is, Resignation ; and 
 there is a motto engraved thereon, "In quietness and confidence 
 shall thy strength be." You that are asleep have nothing to do 
 with this : but you who are awake, and groaning for the salva- 
 tion you have forfeited, you are invited, nay commanded, to 
 cast it out. You have fallen by a worldly spirit, and by in- 
 dulging a busy and idolatrous imagination. Come, then, let 
 jhis be the moment ! Now cast your whole soul, your ever- 
 lasting concerns, on the free, unmerited love of the Saviour, 
 and live upon Thy will be done ! Let your soul cry out, "I 
 will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned 
 ajrainst him." Abandon yourself, as a victim, into his hand, 
 and there lie as clay before the potter. If you are tempted 
 because you cannot pray, let this be your prayer, let the con- 
 stant cry of your heart be, Thy will be done on earth an it 
 is done in heaven. And take knowledge, while you are so 
 doing, your prayer is echoed by the highest archangel in heaven ; 
 for the glory of that bright abode is a perfect resignation, fully 
 consistent with the most faithful activity. You are permitted 
 to pray, Father, let this cup pass from me ; yet, while you 
 add, not my will, but thy will be done, you join in spirit with 
 the Saviour and Captain of your salvation. I have often 
 found, in an hour of temptation, when no other anchor seemed 
 to hold, that thought, the Lord reigneth ; his will and glory 
 shall be accomplished, and in that I will rejoice, has brought 
 peace, and laid the storm. Lie down at his dear feet, and re- 
 member, " Whom he loveth, he chasteneth, and correcteth 
 every son whom he receiveth." He brings your sins to your 
 remembrance, that your soul may be brought to know its misery 
 and wants, and in order that he may burn them up with the 
 purifying fire of his love. Take courage, then, and, with one 
 voice, let us all unite in the cry, Thy will be done! Thy 
 will be done ! And our song shall be echoed through all the 
 courts above. Here, then, drop your anchor. It is sound 
 ground, and it will not come home. With this patient faith, 
 therefore, be found in all the means of grace, walking humbly, 
 while you do his will, " And pleading the promises, which are 
 yea and amen in Christ. Blessed are all they who wait for him." 
 We read of Paul's company^ That they cast out four an- 
 chors, and wished for the day'. Do you the same, for that is 
 a wish very pleasing to the Lord. I observed before, That it 
 is not day light with the soul till that promise is accomplished,
 
 APPENDIX NO. It. 319 
 
 / wtil manifest myself unto him. Here is the great design of 
 the wonderful plan of salvation, to restore man to his original 
 communion with God ; and he who hath said, / will give unto 
 him that is athirst of the water of life freely, now waits to 
 make your souls his loved abode, the temple of indwelling God. 
 There is a rest which remains Tor the people of God ; and you 
 who love the Lord, remember, He came not only that you 
 might have life, but that you may have it more abundantly. 
 Cry, my beloved friends, day and night, that you may " enter 
 into the land of uprightness, on which the eyes of the Lord are 
 continually," from the beginning of the year to the end. But 
 when the people of Israel slighted the rest of Canaan, and had 
 lost that courage by which alone they could enter, how greatly 
 did it offend the Lord ! And will he approve lazy dull seekers 
 of that spiritual Canaan,' that baptism of the Spirit, to which 
 every believer is expressly called ? We often talk of the time 
 when righteousness is to overspread the earth, but this mil- 
 lennium must overspread our own hearts, if we would see the 
 face of God with joy. For the very end of our creation is, that 
 we may become the habitation of God through the Spirit. 
 
 THE END. 


 

 

 
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