o. 

 
 ,5497
 
 JVFTSYBOBY. 
 
 Jrenr 
 
 < s/s.t
 
 THE 
 
 BUST B O D T. 
 
 A 
 
 COMEDY, 
 
 WRITTEN B V 
 
 MRS. C E N T L I V R E. 
 
 As it is now afted at the 
 
 Cfjeatre-Hopal in Cogent - artien* 
 
 qVBM TULIT AD SCENAM VENTOSO GLORIA CURRU, 
 EXANIMAT LENTUS SPECTATOR, SEDULUS INFLAT. 
 SIC LEVE, SIC PARVUM EST, ANIMUM OJJOD LAUD1S AVARUM 
 SUBRUIT AUT REFICIT. 
 
 HORAT. EPIST. LIB. II. EP. i. 
 
 L // ) JV: 
 
 PRINTED FOR T, LOWNDES, T. CASLON, 
 W, NICOLL, AND S. BLADON. 
 
 M.DCC.LXXVI,
 
 The Reader is defired to ebferve, that the Pafiages omitted 
 in the Reprefentation at the Theatres are here preferved, and 
 marked with inverted Commas; as in Line 13 to 16, in 
 Page 7.
 
 PROLOGUE, by Mr. BAKEI, 
 
 'T'HO' modern prophets were exposed of late, 
 
 The Author could not prophefy her fate : 
 If with fitch fceties an audience had been fir' 'd^ 
 The poet muft have really been infpir V. 
 But thefe, alas ! are melancholy days 
 For modern prophets, and for modern plays. 
 Yet fence prophetic lies pleafe fools of fajhion, 
 And women are fo fond of agitation ; 
 To men of fenfc P II prophefy a-new, 
 And tell you wtiut'mtl things, that will prove true ? 
 Undaunted colonels will to camps repair ; 
 AfTur'd there'll be no fkirmifhes this year; 
 On our own terms tvitfjfaw the wijh'd-for peace, 
 All 'wars, except 'twixt man and wife, Jhall ceafe. 
 The grand monarch may wijh hisfon a throne, 
 But hardly will advance to lofe his oven. 
 This feafon maft things bear afmiling face j 
 But players in fummer have a difmal cafe, 
 Since your appearance only is our AcJ of Grace. 
 Court ladies will to country feats be gone, 
 My lord can't all the year live great in town ; 
 Where wanting Operas, Baflet, and a Play, 
 They'll Jigh and Jf itch a gown, to pafs the time away. 
 Gay city wives at Tunbridge will appear, 
 Whofe h'^J hands long have laboured for an heir ; 
 Where many a courtier may their wants relieve, 
 But by the waters only they conceive. 
 The Fleet-JtreetfempftrefsToaJi of Temple f parks, 
 That runs fpruce neckcloths for attornies clerks, 
 At Cupid's Gardens will her hours regale, 
 Sing fair Dorinda, and drink bottled ale. u 
 At all ajfemblies rakes are up and down, 
 And gamejlers, where they think they are not known* 
 
 Should I denounce our Author's fate to-day, 
 To cry down prophecies, you'd damn the play : 
 Yet whims like thefe have fometimes made you laugh ; 
 'Tis tattling all, like Ifaac Bickerjlajf. 
 
 Since war and places claim the bards that write, 
 Be kind, and bear a woman's treat to-night ; 
 Let your indulgence all her fears allay, 
 And none tut women-haters damn this f/aj\ 
 
 A 2 Diamatis
 
 to co
 
 THE .< 
 
 BUST B D T. 
 
 A C T I. SCENES Park. 
 Sir George Airy meeting Charles. 
 
 Cba. T TA ! Sir George Airy ! a birding thus early I 
 JLJL What forbidden game rous'd you fo foon ? 
 for no lawful occafion could invite a perfon of your 
 figure abroad at fuch unfalhionable hours. 
 
 Sir Geo. There are feme men, Charles, whom fortune 
 has left free from inquietudes, who are diligently itudiou; 
 to find out ways and means to make themfelves uneafy. 
 
 Cba. Is it poffible that any thing in nature can i ufHr 
 the temper of a man, whom the four feafons of the year 
 compliment with as many thoufand pounds, nay, and a 
 father at reft with his anceilors ? 
 
 Sir Geo. Why there it is now! A man that wants mo- 
 ney thinks none can be unhappy that has it ; but ir.y af- 
 fairs are in fuch a whimfical pofture, that it will require 
 a calculation of my nativity to find if my gold will relieve 
 me or not. 
 
 Cha. Ha, ha, ha, never confult the ftars about thr.t ; 
 gold has a power beyond them ; ' gold unlocks the ml d- 
 ' night councils ; gold outdoes the wind, becalms the 
 * (hip, or fills her fails ; gold is omnipotent below ; it 
 ' makes whole armies fight, or fly ; it buys even fouls, 
 ' and bribes the wretches to betray their country : ' Then. 
 what can thy bufinefs be, that gold won't ferve thee in ? 
 
 Sir Geo. Why, I'm in love. 
 
 Cba. In love! Ha, ha, ha, ha ; in love ! Ha, ha 
 ha. With what, pr'ythee ? a cherubim ? 
 
 Sir Geo. No, with a woman. 
 
 Cba. A woman! good. Ha, ha, ha; and gold not 
 help thee! 
 
 Sir Geo. But fuppofe I'm in love with two 
 
 A 3 Cb*.
 
 THE BUSY BODT. 
 
 . Ay, if thou'rt in love with two hundred, gold 
 will fetch 'em, I warrant thce, boy. But who are 
 they ? who are they ? come. 
 
 Sir Geo. One is a lady whofe face I never faw, but 
 \\ itty as an angel ; the other beautiful as Venus 
 
 Cha. And- a tool 
 
 Sir Geo. For aught I know, for I never fpoke to her ; 
 but you can inform me: I am charm'd for the wit of 
 one, and die for the beauty of the other. 
 
 Cha. And pray, which are you in queft of now ? 
 
 Sir Gt-o. I prefer the fenfual pleafure : I'm for her I've 
 ftTii, who is thy father's ward, Miranda. 
 
 Cha. Nay, then I pity you ; for the Jew my father ' 
 v/ill no more part with her and thirty thoufand pounds, 
 than he would with a guinea to keep me from ftarving. 
 
 Sir Gfo. Now you fee gold can't do every thing, 
 Charles. 
 
 Cha. Yes, for 'tis her gold that bars my father's gate 
 againft you. 
 
 ~ Sir Geo. Why, if he is this avaricious wretch, how 
 cam'ft thou by fuch a liberal education ? 
 
 Cha. Not a foufe out of his pocket, I aflure yeu : I 
 had an uncle who defrayed that charge ; but for fome 
 little wildnefles of youth, tho' he made me his heir, 
 jt-ft dad my guardian till I came to years of difcretion, 
 which I prefume the old gentleman will never think I 
 nm ; and now he has got the eftate into his clutches, 
 it does me no more good than if it lay in Prefter John's 
 dominions. 
 
 Sir Geo. What, can'ft thou find no ftratagem to re- 
 deem it ? 
 
 Cha. I have made many efiays to no purpofe ; tho' 
 want, the millrefs of invention, ftill tempts me on, yet 
 ftill the old fox is too cunning for me I am upon my 
 laft projeft, which, if it fails, then for my laft refuge, a 
 brown mufquet. 
 
 Sir Geo. What is't ? Can I affift thee ? 
 
 Cha. Not yet ; when you can, I have confidence 
 enough in you to aflc it. 
 
 Sir Geo. I am always ready. But what does he intend 
 to do with Miranda ? Is fhe to be fold in private ? Or 
 
 will
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 7 
 
 will he put her up by way of au&ion, at who bids moft i 
 If fo, egad, I'm for him ; my gold, as you fay, mail be 
 fubfervient to my pleafure. 
 
 Cha. To deal ingenuoufly with you, Sir George, I knovV 
 very little of her, or home ; for fince my uncle's death, 
 and my return from travel, I have never been well with 
 my father ; he thinks my expences too great, and I his 
 allowance too little: he never fees me, but he quarrels ; 
 and to avoid that, I fhun his houfe as much as poffible. 
 The report is, he intends to marry her himfelf. 
 
 Sir Geo. Can fhe confent to it ? 
 
 fc,* Cka. Yes, faith, fo they fay ; but I tell you, I am wholly 
 * ignorant of the matter. ' Miranda and I are like two vio- 
 ' lent members of a contrary party ; I can fcarce allow her 
 ' beauty, tho' all the world does; nor file me civility, 
 ' for that contempt.' J fancy fhe plays the mocher-in~!aw 
 already, and fets the old gentleman on to do mifchisf. 
 
 Sir Geo. Then I've your free confent to get her. 
 
 Cha. Ay, and my helping hand, if occafion be. 
 
 Sir Geo. Poh, vender's a fool coming this way, let's 
 avoid him. 
 
 Cha. What, Marplot? No, no, he's my inftrument; 
 there's a thoufand conveniences in him ; he'll lend me 
 his money when he has any ; run of my errands, and be 
 proud on't ; in ftiort, he'll pimp for me, lye for me r 
 drink for me, do any thing but fight for me, and that I 
 truft to my own arm for. 
 
 Sir Geo. Nay, then he's to be endur'd ; I never knew 
 his qualifications before. 
 
 Enter Marplot, tuith a patch crcfs his face. 
 
 Mar. Dear Charles, yours Ha ! Sir George Airy, 
 the man in the world, I have an ambition to be known 
 to. \_AJlde. "\ Give me thy hand, dear boy 
 
 Cba. A good aflurance ! But hark ye, how came your 
 beautiful countenance clouded in the wrong place ? 
 
 MarpL I muft confefs 'tis a little mal-a-fropos ; but no 
 matter for that ; a word with you, Charles : Pr'ythee, 
 introduce me to Sir George he is a man of wit, and I'd 
 give ten guineas to 
 
 Cba. When you have 'em, you mean. 
 
 fylarpl. Ay, when I have 'em; pugh, pcx, you cut the 
 A lliiead
 
 8 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 thread of my difcourfe I would give ten guineas, I' 
 <ay, to be rank'd in his acquaintance : ' Well, 'tis avaft 
 
 addition to a man's fortune, according to the rout of the 
 
 world, to be feen in the company of leading men ; for 
 
 then/we are all thought to be politicians, or whigs, or 
 jacks, or high fliers, or low fliers, or levellers and fo 
 
 forth ; for you muft know, we all herd in parties now.' 
 
 Cha. ' Then a fool for diverfion is out of fafhion, I find.' 
 
 Marpl. ' Yes, without it be a mimicking fool ; and they 
 ' are darlings every where; but' pr'ythee introduce me. 
 
 Cha. Well, on .condition you'll give us a true account 
 how you come by that mourning nofe, I will. 
 
 Marpl. I'll do it. 
 
 Cha. Sir' George, here's a gentleman has a paffionate 
 defire to kifs your hartd. 
 
 Sir Geo. Oh, I honour men of the fword ; and I pre- 
 fume this gentleman is lately come from Spain or Portu- 
 gal by his fears. 
 
 Marpl. No, really, Sir George, mine fprung from civil 
 fury ; happening laft night into the Groom Porter's 
 1 had a ftrong inclination to go ten guineas with a fort 
 of a, fort of a kind of a milk-fop, as I thought: A 
 pox of the dice, he flung out, and my pockets being 
 empty, as Charles knows they often are, he prov'd a furly 
 North Briton, and broke my face for my deficiency. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha ! ha ! and did not you draw ? 
 
 Marpl. Draw, Sir ! why, I did but lay my hand upon 
 my fword to make a fwift retreat, and he roar'd out, 
 " Now the deel a ma fol, Sir, gin ye touch yer fleel, 
 *' Ife whip mine through yerwem." 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Cha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, fafe was the word : fo you walk'd 
 of}", I fuppofe. 
 
 Marpl. Yes, for I avoid fighting, to be ferviceable to 
 my friends, you know 
 
 Sir Geo. Your friends are much obliged to you, Sir. I 
 hope you'll rank me in that number. 
 
 Marpl. Sir George, a bow from the fide-box, or to, 
 be feen in your chariot, binds me ever yours. 
 
 Sir Geo. Trifles ! you may command 'em when you 
 plcafe.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 9 
 
 Cba. Provided he may command you. 
 
 Marpl. Me ! why I live for no other purpofe Sir 
 George, I have the honour to be carefs'd by moft of the 
 reigning toafts of the town. I'll tell 'em you are the 
 fmeit gentleman 
 
 Sir Geo. No, no, pr'ythee let me alone to tell the la- 
 diesmy parts Can you convey a letter upon occafion, 
 or deliver a meflage with an air of bulinefs, ha ! 
 
 Marpl. With the aflurance of a page, and the gravity 
 of a ftatefman. 
 
 Sir Geo. You know Miranda. 
 
 Marpl. What, my fifter ward ? Why, her guardian is 
 mine, we are fellow fufferers : Ah ! he is a covetous, 
 cheating, fanclified curmudgeon j that Sir Francis Gripe 
 is a damn'd old 
 
 Cba. I fuppofe, friend, you forget that he is my father. 
 
 Marpl. I aflc your pardon, Charles ; but it is for your 
 fake I hate him. Well, I fay the world is miftaken in him ; 
 his out-fide piety makes him every man's executor ; and 
 his infide cunning makes him every heir's jailor. Egad, 
 Charles, I'm half perfuaded that thou'rt fome ward too, 
 and never of his getting : for thou art as honeft a de- 
 bauchee as ever cuckolded man of quality. 
 
 Sir Geo. A pleafant fellow. 
 
 Cba. The dog is diverting fomctimes, or there would 
 be no enduring his impertinence : he is prefiing to be 
 employed, and willing to execute ; but fome ill fate ge- 
 nerally attends all he undertakes, and he oftener fpoils 
 an intrigue than helps.it. 
 
 Marpl. If I mifcarry, 'tis none of my fault: I follow 
 my initrn&ions. 
 
 Cha. Yes, witnefs the merchant's wife.. 
 
 Marpl. Pirn, pox, that was an accident.. 
 
 Sir Geo. What was it, pr'ythee ? 
 
 Cha. Why, you muft know, I had lent a certain mer- 
 chant my hunting horfes, and was to have met his wife 
 in his abfence : fending him along with my groom to 
 make the compliment, and to deliver a letter to the lady 
 at the fame time ; what does he do, but gives the hul- 
 band the letter, and offers her the horfes. 
 
 I remember you was even with me,, for ym 
 A 5 deny'd
 
 ,: 
 
 THE BUSY-BODY. 
 
 deny'd the letter to be yours, and fwore I had a deilgn 
 upon her, which my bones paid for. 
 
 Cha. Come, Sir George, let's walk round, if you are 
 rot engag'd ; for I have lent my man upon a little earneft 
 bufinels, and I have order'd him to bring me the anfwer 
 into the Park. 
 
 Marpl. Bufmefs, and I not know it ! Egad I'll watch 
 him. 
 
 SirGeo. I muft beg your pardon, Charles, lam to 
 meet your father. 
 
 Cba. My father! 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay ! and about the bddeft bargain perhaps you 
 ever heard of; but I'll not impart till I know thefuccefs. 
 
 Marpl. What can his bufmefs be with Sir Francis ? 
 Kow would I give all the world to know it; why the 
 Devil mould not one know every man's concern ! \_Afidc. 
 
 Cha. Profperity to't whate'er it be ; I have private af- 
 fairs too ; over a bottle we'll compare notes. 
 
 Marpl. Charles knows I love a glafs as well as any 
 man; I'll make one; ihall it be to-night? And I long 
 to know their fecrets. \AJide. 
 
 Enter Whifper. 
 
 Whifp. Sir, Sir, Mrs. Patch faysIfabinda'sSpanifh fa- 
 ther has quite fpoil'd the plot, and me can't meet you 
 in the Park; but he infallibly will go out this afternoon, 
 !he fays ; but I muft ftep again to know the hour. 
 
 Marpl. What did Whifper fay now ? I mall go ftark 
 mad, if I'm not let into this fecret. \_AJide. 
 
 Cba. Curft misfortune ! come along with me, my heart 
 feels pleafure at her name. Sir George, yours ; we'll 
 meet at the old place the ufual hour. 
 
 fir Ceo. Agreed; I think I fee Sir Francisyonder. [Exit. 
 
 Cba. Marplot, you muft excufe me, I am engag'd. [ Exit. 
 
 Marpl. Engag'd ! Egad I'll engage my life I'll know 
 what your engagement is. [Exit. 
 
 Miran. [Coming out of a chair. "\ Let the chair wait : my 
 fcrvant, that dodg'd Sir George, faid he was in the Park. 
 Enter Patch. 
 
 Ha ! Mifs Patch alone ! Did not you tell me you had 
 contriv'd a way to bring Ifabinda to the Park ? 
 
 . Oh, madam, your ladyftiip can't imagine what 
 
 a wretched
 
 THE B ^S ~Y BODY. 11 
 
 a wretched difappointment we have met with : juft as I 
 had fetched a fuit of my clothes for difguife, comes my 
 old mafter into his clofet, which is right againlt her cham- 
 ber door ; this (truck us into a terrible fright At length 
 I put on a grave face, and afked him if he was at leilure 
 for his chocolate, in hopes to draw him out of his hole ; 
 but he fnap'd my nofe off; No, I fhall be bufy here thefe 
 two hours. At which, my poor miftrefs, feeing no way of 
 efcape, ordered me to wait on your ladyfhip with the fad 
 relation. 
 
 Miran. Unhappy Ifabinda! Was ever any thing fo 
 unaccountable as the humour of Sir Jealous Traffick! 
 
 Patch. Oh, Madam, 'tis his living folong in Spain ; he 
 vows he'll fpend half his eflate, but he'll be a parliament- 
 man, on purpofe to bring in a bill for women to wear 
 veils, and the other odious Spanilh cuftoms He fwears it 
 is the height of impudence to have a woman feen bare- 
 fac'd even at church, and fcarce believes there's a true 
 begotten child in the city. 
 
 Miran. Ha, ha, ha, how the old fool torments himfelf ! 
 Suppofe he could introduce his rigid rules Does he think 
 we could not match them in contrivance ? No, no, let the 
 tyrant man make what laws he will, if there's a woman 
 under che government, I warrant (he finds a way to break 
 'em : is his mind fet upon the Spaniard for his fon-in-law 
 ftill ? 
 
 Patch. Ay, and he expefts him by the next fleet, which 
 drives his daughter to melancholy and defpair : bat, Ma- 
 dam, I find you retain the fame gay, chearful fpirit you 
 had, when I waited on your ladyfhip My lady is mighty 
 good-humour'd, too: and I have found a way to make 
 Sir Jealous believe 1 am wholly in his intereft, when my 
 real defign is to ferve her; he makes me her jailor, and I 
 fet her at liberty. 
 
 Miran. I knew thy prolific brain would be of fingular 
 fervice to her, or I had not parted with thee to her father. 
 
 Patch. But, Madam, the report is, that you are going 
 to marry your guardian. 
 
 Miran. It is neceflary fuch a report fhould be, Patch. 
 
 Patch. But is it true, Madam ? 
 
 Miran. That's not abfolutely neceflary. 
 
 A 6 Patch.
 
 iz THE BUSY* BODY. 
 
 Patch. I thought it was only the old ftrain, coaxing 
 him (till for your own, and railing at all the young fellows 
 about town : in my mind, now, you are as ill plagu'd with 
 your guardian, Madam, as my lady is with her father. 
 
 Miran. No, I have liberty, wench ; that (he wants ; 
 what would fhe give now to be in this dejhabill'ee, in the 
 open air ; nay, more, in purfuit of the young fellow 
 fhe likes ? for that's my cafe, I aflure you. 
 
 Patch, As for that, Madam, (he's even with you ; for 
 though file can't come abroad, we have a way to bring 
 him home, in fpite of old Argus. 
 
 Miran. Now, Patch, your opinion of my choice, for 
 here he colics Ha! my guardian with him! What can 
 be the meaning of this ? I'm fure Sir Francis can't know 
 me in this drefs Let's obferve 'em. [They withdraw. 
 
 Enter Sir Francis Gripe and Sir George Airy. 
 Sir Fran. Verily, Sir George, thou wilt repent throw- 
 ing away thy money fo; for I tell thee fmcerely, Miran- 
 da, my charge, does not love a young fellow : they are 
 all vicious, and feldom make good hufixmds : in fober 
 ladnefs fhe cannot abide 'em. 
 
 Miran. [Peeping.] In fober fadnefs you are miilaken 
 What can this mean ? 
 
 SirGeo. Look ye, Sir Francis, whether fhe can or 
 cannot abide young fellows, is not the bufmefs : Will 
 you take the fifty guineas ? 
 
 Sir Fran. In good truth, I will not for I knew thy fa- 
 ther, he was a hearty wary man, and I cannot confent that 
 his fonfhould fquander away, what he fav'd, to nopurpofe. 
 Miran. [Peeping.] Now in the name of wonder, what 
 bargain can he be driving about me for fifty guineas ? 
 
 Patch. I wifh it ben't for the firft night's lodging, 
 Madam. 
 
 SirGeo. Well, Sir Francis, fmce you are foconfcientious 
 for my father's fake, then permit me the favour gratis. 
 
 Miran. [Peeping.] The favour! O' my life, 1 believe 
 'tis as you faid, Patch. 
 
 Sir Fran. No, verily, if thou doft not buy thy expe- 
 rience, thou wilt never be wife ; therefore give me a 
 hundred, and try fortune. 
 
 Sir Gto. The icruples arofe, I find, from the fcanty 
 
 fum
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 13 
 
 fum Let me fee a hundred guineas [Takes 'em out of 
 a purfe, and chinks 'em.] Ha! they have a very pretty 
 found, and a very pleafing look But then, Miranda 
 But if flie mould be cruel 
 
 Miran. [Peeping.'} As ten to one I fhall 
 
 Sir Fran. Ay, do confider on't. He, he, he, he ! 
 
 Sir Geo. No, I'll do't. 
 
 Patch. Do't! what, whether you will or no, Madam ? 
 
 Sir Geo. Come, to the point ; here's the gold, fum up 
 the conditions 
 
 Sir Fran. [Pulling out a paper, ] 
 
 Miran. [Peeping.] Ay, for heaven's fake do, for my 
 expectation is on the rack. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, at your peril be it. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay, ay, go on. 
 
 Sir Fran. Imprimis, you are to be admitted into my 
 houfe, in order to move your fuit to Miranda, for the 
 fpace of ten minutes, without lett or moleltation, pro- 
 vided I remain in the fame room. 
 
 Sir Geo. But out of ear-ihot. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, well, I don't defire to hear what you 
 fay ; Ha, ha, ha, in confideration I am to have that purfe 
 and a hundred guineas. 
 
 Sir Geo. Take it [Gives him the purfe. 
 
 Miran. [Peeping] So, 'tis well it's no worfe ; I'll fit 
 you both 
 
 Sir Geo. And this agreement is to be perform'd to-day. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ay, ay, the fooner the better. Poor fool, 
 how Miranda and I lhall laugh at him Well, Sir 
 George, ha, ha, ha, take the laft found of your guineas, 
 Ha, ha, ha. [Chinks them] [Exit. 
 
 Miran. [Peeping] Sure he does not knowlam Miranda. 
 
 Sir Geo. A very extraordinary bargain I have made, 
 truly, if (he fhould be really in love with this old cuff, 
 now Piha, that's morally impoffible But then what 
 hopes have I to fucceed I never fpoke to her 
 
 Miran. [Peeping] Say you fo ? Then I'm fafe. 
 
 Sir Geo. What tho' my tongue never fpoke, my eves 
 faid a thoufand things, and my hopes flattered me her's 
 anfwer'd 'em. If I'm lucky if not, it is but a hun- 
 dred guineas thrown away. 
 
 [Miranda
 
 t4 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 [Miranda and Patch come forward.] 
 
 Miran. Upon what, Sir George ? 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha ! my incognita upon a woman, Madam. 
 
 Miran. They are the worfl things you can deal in, and 
 damage the fooneft ; your very breath deilroys 'em, and 
 I fear you'll never fee your return, Sir George, ha, ha. 
 
 Sir Ggo. Were they more brittle than china, and drop- 
 ped to pieces with a touch, every atom of her I have 
 ventur'd at, if fhe is but miftrefs of thy wit, balances 
 ten times the fum Pr'ythee let me fee thy face. 
 
 Miran. By no means ; that may fpoil your opinion of 
 my fenfe 
 
 Sir Geo. Rather confirm it, Madam. 
 
 Patch. So rob the lady of your gallantry, Sir. 
 
 Sir Geo. No, child, a difli of chocolate in the morning- 
 never fpoils my dinner ; the other lady, I defign a fet 
 meal ; fo there's no danger. 
 
 Miran. Matrimony ! ha, ha, ha ! What crimes have 
 you committed againft the god of love, that he fhould re- 
 venge 'em fo feverely, to ftamp hulband upon your fore- 
 head ? 
 
 Sir Geo. For my folly, in having fo often met you here, 
 without purfuing the laws of nature, and exercifing her 
 command But I refolve, ere we part now, to know who 
 you are, where you live, and what kind of fiefh and 
 blood your face is ; therefore unmafk, and don't put me 
 to the trouble of doing it for you. 
 
 Miran. My face is the fame flefti and blood with my 
 hand, Sir George, which if you'll be fo rude to provoke 
 
 Sir Geo. You'll apply it to my cheek The ladies 
 favours are always welcome; but I muir, have that cloud 
 withdrawn. [Taking hold of her.] Remember you are in 
 the Park, child ; and what a terrible thing would it be 
 to lofe this pretty white hand ? 
 
 Miran. And how will it found in a chocolate-houfe, that 
 Sir George Airy rudely pull'd off a lady's maflc when he 
 'had given her his honour that he never would, direcily 
 nor indire&ly, endeavour to know her till (he gave him 
 leave ? 
 
 ' Patch. I wifli we were fafe out.' 
 
 Sir Geo. But if that lady thinks fit to purfue and meet 
 
 me
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 15 
 
 me at every turn, like feme troubled fpirit, fhall I be 
 blam'd if I inquire into the reality ? I would have no- 
 thing diflatisfied in a female Ihape. 
 
 Miran. What fhall I do ? [Paufes. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay, pr'ythee confider, for thou fhalt find me 
 very much at thy fervice. 
 
 Patch. Suppofe, Sir, the lady fhouldbe in lovewith you. 
 
 Sir Geo. Oh! I'll return the obligation in a moment. 
 
 Patch. Arid marry her ? 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha, that's not the way to love her, 
 child. 
 
 Miran. If he difcovers me, I fhall die Which way 
 fhall I efcape ? Let me fee. [Paufes. 
 
 Sir Geo. Well, Madam 
 
 Miran. I have it Sir George, 'tis fit you mould al- 
 low fomething ; if you'll excufe my face, and turn your 
 back (if you look upon me, I fhall fink, even mafk'd as 
 I am) I will confefs why I have engaged you fo often, 
 who I am, and where I live. 
 
 Sir Geo. Well, to fhew you I am a man of honour, I 
 accept the conditions. Let me but once know thoie, 
 and the face won't be long a fecret to me. 
 
 Patch. What mean you, Madam ? 
 
 Miran. To get off. 
 
 Sir Geo. 'Tis fomething indecent to turn one's back 
 upon a lady ; but you command, and I obey. [Tarns 
 bis back.] Come, Madam, begin 
 
 Miran. Firft then it was my unhappy lot to fee you at 
 Paris, [Draws back a little while, and fpeaki\ at a ball 
 upon a birth-day ; your fhape and air charm'd my eyes ; 
 your wit and complaifance my foul ; and from that fatal 
 night I lov'd you. [Drawing back. 
 
 And when you left the place, grief feiz'd me fo, 
 No reft my heart, no Jleep my eyes could know. 
 Laft, I refold el a hazardous point to try. 
 And quit the place in fear cb of liberty. [Exit. 
 
 Sir Geo. Excellent I hope fhe's handfome Well, 
 now, Madam, to the other two things: your name, and 
 where you live ? I am a gentleman, and this confeffioa 
 will not be loft upon me. Nay, pr'ythee don't weep, 
 but go on for I find my heart melts in thy behalf 
 
 fpeak
 
 16 THE BUSY BODY, 
 
 fpeak quickly, or I lhall turn about Not yet Poor 
 lady, me expefts I fhould comfort her ; and to do her 
 juffice, fhe has faid enough to encourage me. [Turns, 
 about.} Ha ! gone ! the devil, jilted ! Why what a 
 tale has me invented of Paris, balls, and birth-days ! 
 Egad I'd give ten guineas to know who the gipfy is 
 A curfe of my folly I deferve to lofe her : what wo- 
 man can forgive a man that turns his back ! 
 
 The bold and refolute in loite and nuar, 
 
 To conquer, take the right and fwifteji ivay . 
 
 The boldejt lower fooneft gains the Fair, 
 As courage makes the rudeft force obey. 
 
 Take no denial, and the dames adore ye, 
 
 Clofely purfue them, and they fall before ye* 
 
 The End of the FIRST ACT. 
 
 A C T II. S C E N E Sir Francis Gripe's Heufe. 
 
 Enter Sir Francis Gripe and Miranda. 
 Sir Fran. TTA, ha, ha, ha, ha! 
 
 IT. Miran. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! Oh, I 
 
 (hall die with laughing The mod romantic adventure 
 Ha, ha, ha ! What does the odious young fop mean ? A 
 hundred pieces to talk ten minutes with me ; ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Fran. And I am to be by too, there's the jeft : 
 Adod, if it had been in private, I mould not have car'd 
 to truft the young dog. 
 
 Miran. Indeed and indeed, but you might, Gardy 
 Now methinks there's nobody handfomer than you : 
 So neat, fo clean, fo good-humour'd, and fo loving 
 Sir Fran. Pretty rogue, pretty rogue; and fo thou 
 fhalt frnd me, if thou doft prefer thy Gardy before thefe 
 caperers of the age ; thou fhalt out-mine the Queen's 
 box on an opera night ; thou (halt be the envy of the 
 ring (for I will carry thee to Hyde-Park) and thy equi- 
 page mall furpafs the what d'ye call 'em ambaflador's. 
 
 Miran. Nay, I am fure the difcreet part of my. fcx 
 will envy me more for the infide furniture, when you 
 are in it, than my outfide equipage. 
 
 * Sir Fran*
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 17 
 
 Sir Fran. A cunning baggage i'faith them art, and a 
 wife one too ; and to mew thee thou haft not chofen 
 amifs, I'll this moment difmherit my fon, and fettle my 
 whole eftate upon thee. 
 
 Miran. There's an old rogue now : [Afide.~\ No, 
 Gardy, I would not have your name be fo black in the 
 world You know my father's will runs, that I am not 
 to poflefs my eftate, without your confent, till I am 
 five-and-twenty ; you fhall only abate the odd feven 
 years, and make me miftrefs of my eftate to-day, and 
 I'll make you mafter of my perfon to-morrow. 
 
 Sir Fran. Humph ! that may not be fafe No, Chargy, 
 I'll fettle it upon thee for pin-money; and that will be 
 every bit as well, thou know'ft. 
 
 Miran. Unconfcionable old wretch ! bribe me with 
 my own money ! Which way fhall I get out of his- 
 hands ! [Afide. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, what art thou thinking on, my girl, 
 ha ? how to banter Sir George ? 
 
 Miran. I muft not pretend to banter : he knows my 
 tongue too well : \_Afide. ~\ No, Gardy, I have thought 
 of a way that will confound him more thau all I could 
 fay, if I mould talk to him feven years. 
 
 Sir Fran. How's that ? Oh ! I'm tranfported, I'm 
 ravifti'd, I'm mad 
 
 Miran. It would make you mad if you knew all. 
 \Ajide. "\ I'll not anfwer him a word, but be dumb to 
 all he fays 
 
 Sir Fran. Dumb! good; Ha, ha, ha. Excellent, 
 ha, ha ! I think I have you now, Sir George ; dumb ! 
 he'll go diftradled Well, fhe's the wittieft rogue. 
 Ha, ha, dumb ! I can but laugh, ha, ha! to think how 
 damn'd mad he'll be, when he finds he has given his 
 money away for a dumb (how. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Miran. Nay, Gardy, if he did but know my thoughts 
 of him, it would make him ten times madder : Ha, 
 ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Fran. Ay, fo it would, Chargy, to hold him in 
 fuch derifion, to fcorn to anfwer him, to be dumb ! 
 Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Enter
 
 i8 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Enter Charles. 
 
 Sir Fran. How now, firrah ! Who let you in ? 
 
 Cha. My neceflities, Sir. 
 
 Sir Fran. Sir, your neceflities are very impertinent, 
 and ought to have fent before they entered. 
 
 Cha. Sir, I knew 'twas a word would gain admit- 
 tance no where. 
 
 Sir Fran. Then, firrah, how durft you rudely thruft 
 that upon your father, which nobody elfe would admit ? 
 
 Cha. Sure the name of a fon is a fufficient plea. I 
 afk this lady's pardon, if I have intruded. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ay, ay, afk her pardon and her blefling 
 too, if you expeft any thing from me. 
 
 Minor. I believe yours, Sir Francis, in a purfe of 
 guineas, would be more material. Your fon may have 
 bufmefs with you, I'll retire. 
 
 Sir Fran. I guefs his bufmefs, but I'll difpatch him ; 
 I expeft the knight every minute : you'll be in readi- 
 nefs? 
 
 Miran. Certainly ! My expectation is more upon the 
 wing than yours, old gentleman. [Exit*. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, Sir ! 
 
 Cha. Nay, it is very ill, Sir ; my circumftances are, 
 I'm fure. 
 
 Sir Fran. And what's that to me, Sir? Your ma- 
 nagement mould have made them better. 
 
 Cha. If you pleafe to intruft me with the manage- 
 ment of my eftate, I lhall endeavour it, Sir. 
 
 Sir Fran. What to fet upon a card, and buy a lady's 
 favour at the price of a thoufand pieces, to rig out an 
 equipage for a wench, or by your careleflnefs enrich 
 your fteward, to fine for fheriff, or put up for parlia- 
 ment-man ? 
 
 Cha. I hope I mould not fpend it this way : How- 
 ever, I afk only for) what my uncle left me ; yours you 
 may difpofe of as you pleafe, Sir. 
 
 Sir Fran. That I mail, out of your reach, I affure you, 
 Sir. Adod thefe young fellows think old men get 
 ettates for nothing but them to fquander away, ia 
 dicing, wenching, drinking, drefling, and fo forth. 
 
 Cha.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 19 
 
 Cka. I think I was born a gentleman, Sir ! I'm fure 
 my uncle bred me like one. 
 
 Sir Fran. From which you would infer, Sir, that 
 gaming, whoring, and the pox, axe requifites to a 
 gentleman. 
 
 Cka. Monftrous ! When I would afk him only for a 
 fupport, he falls into thefe unmannerly reproaches ; I 
 muft, tho' againft my will, employ invention, and by 
 ftratagem relieve myfelf. \_AfiJe. 
 
 Sir Fran. Sirrah, what is it you mutter, firrah, ha ? 
 [Holds up his cane. ~\ I fay you (han't have a groat out 
 of my hands till I plcafe and may be I'll never pleafe, 
 and what's that to you ? 
 
 Cba. Nay, to be robb'd, or to have one's throat cut, 
 is not much 
 
 Sir Fran. What's that, firrah ? Would ye rob me, or 
 cut my throat, ye rogue ? 
 
 Cha* Heaven forbid, Sir I faid no fuch thing. 
 
 Sir Fran. Mercy on me ! What a plague it is to have 
 a fon of one and twenty, who wants to elbow one out 
 of one's life, to edge himfelf into the eftate ! 
 Enter Marplot. 
 
 Marpl. Egad he's here I was afraid I had loft him : 
 His fecret could not be with his father, his wants are 
 public there Guardian your fervant, Charles. I know 
 by tKat forrowful countenance of thine, the old man's 
 fift is as clofe as his ftrong box, But I'll help thee. 
 
 Sir Fran. So : here's another extravagant coxcomb, 
 that will fpend his fortune before he comes to't ; but he 
 mail pay fwinging intereft, and fo let the fool go on 
 Well, what ! does neceffity bring you too, Sir ? 
 
 Marpl. You have hit it, Guardian I want a hundred 
 pounds. 
 
 Sir Fran. For what ? 
 
 Marpl. Pogh, for a hundred things : I can't for my 
 life tell you for what. 
 
 Cba. Sir, I fuppofe I have received all the anfwer I 
 am like to have. 
 
 Marpl. Oh, the devil, if he gets out before me, I 
 fhall lofe him again. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ay, Sir, and you may be marching as. 
 
 iooa
 
 zo THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 foon as you pleafe I mufl fee a change in your tesn- 
 per ere you find one in mine. 
 
 Marpl. Pray, Sir, difpatchme; the money, Sir; I'm 
 in mighty haite. 
 
 Sir Fran. Fool, take this, and go to the calhier, I 
 fhan't be long plagu'd with thee. [Gives him a note. 
 
 Marpl. Devil take the cafhier, I fhall certainly have 
 Charles gone before I come back again. [Runs out. 
 
 Cba. Well, Sir, 1 take my leave But remember, you. 
 expofe an only fon to all the miferies of wretched pover- 
 ty, which too often lays the plan for fcenes of mifchief. 
 
 Sir Fran. Stay, Charles, I have a fudden thought 
 come into my head, may prove to thy advantage. 
 
 Cba. Ha,' does he relent? \_Afide. 
 
 Sir Fran. My Lady Wrinkle, worth forty thoufand 
 pounds, fets up for a handfome young hufband ; {he 
 prais'd thee t'other day ; tho' the match-makers can 
 get twenty guineas for a fight of her, I can introduce 
 thee for nothing. 
 
 Cha. .My Lady Wrinkle, Sir ! why me has but one 
 eye. 
 
 Sir Fran. Then fhe'll fee but half ymir extravagance, 
 Sir. 
 
 Cha. Condemn me to fuch a piece of deformity ! 
 Toothlefs ! dirty, wry-neck'd, hunch-back'd hag ! 
 
 Sir Fran. Hunch-back'd! fo much the better, then 
 fhe has a reft for her misfortunes; for thou wilt load her 
 fwingingly. Now I warrant you think, this is no offer 
 of a father : forty thoufand pounds i* nothing with you. 
 
 Cha. Yes, Sir, I think it is too much : a young beau- 
 tiful woman with half the money would be more agree- 
 able. I thank you, Sir ; butyouchofe better for your- 
 felf, I find. 
 
 Sir Fran. Out of my doors, you dog ; you pretend to 
 meddle with my marriage, firrah ! 
 
 Cha. Sir, I obey. 
 
 Sir Fran. But me no buts Be gone, Sir : dare to aflc 
 me for money again Refufe forty thoufand pounds ! 
 Out of my doors, I fay, without reply. [Exit Cha t 
 
 Enter Servant. 
 
 Serv. One Sir George Airy enquires for you, Sir. 
 
 Enter
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 21 
 
 Enter Marplot running. 
 
 Marp'l. Ha! gone ! Is Charles gone, Guardian ? 
 
 Sir Fran. Yes ; and I defire your wife worfhip to walk 
 after him. 
 
 Marpl. Nay, egad, I fhall run, I tell you but that. 
 Ah, pox of this cafhier for detaining me fo long : where 
 the devil mail I find him now ? I fhall certainly lofe 
 this fecret. [Exit haftily. 
 
 Sir Fran. What is the fellow diftrafted ? Defire 
 
 Sir George to walk up. Now for a trial of flcill that 
 \\ill make me happy, and him a fool : ha, ha, ha ! in 
 my mind he looks like an afs already. 
 Enter Sir George. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, Sir George, do you hold in the fame 
 mind, or would you capitulate ? ha, ha, ha ! look, here 
 are the guineas. [Chinks 'em.~\ Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Geo. Not if they were twice the fum, Sir Francis: 
 therefore be brief, call in the lady, and take your port. 
 If flic's a woman, and not feduced by witch- 
 craft to this old rogue, I'll make his heart ake ; for if 
 fhe has but one grain of inclination about her, I'll vary 
 a thoufandfhapes but find it. [AJide. 
 
 Enter Miranda. 
 
 Sir Fran. Agreed Miranda! there, Sir George, try 
 your fortune. [Takes out his ivatfb.] 
 
 Sir Geo. So from the eaftern chambers breaks the fun, 
 
 Difpels the clouds, and gilds the vales below. 
 
 [Salutes her. 
 
 Sir Fran. Hold, Sir, kiffing was not in our agreement. 
 
 Sir Geo. Oh ! that's by way of prologue : pr'ythee, 
 old mammon, to thy poft. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, young Timon, 'tis now four exactly ; 
 ten minutes, remember, is your utmoft limit, not a mi- 
 nute more. [Retires to the bottom of the ftage. 
 
 Sir Geo. Madam, whether you'll excufe or blame my 
 love, the author of this ram proceeding, depends upon 
 your pleafure, as alfo the life of your admirer : your 
 fparkling eyes fpeak a heart fufceptible of love ; your 
 vivacity, a foul too delicate to admit the embraces of 
 decayed mortality. 
 
 Miran.
 
 &2 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Miran. [Afide.} Oh! that I durft fpeak 
 
 Sir Geo. Shake off this tyrant Guardian's yoke, afTume 
 yourfelf, and dafti his bold afpiring hopes ; the deity of 
 his defires is avarice ; a heretic in love, and ought to 
 be banifh'd by the queen of beauty. See, Madam, a 
 faithful fervant kneels, and begs to be admitted in the 
 number of your flaves. [Miranda gives him her hand 
 
 [to raife him, 
 
 Sir Fran. I wifh I could hear wkat he fays now. 
 [Running /.] Hold, hold, hold, no palming, that's 
 contrary to articles 
 
 Sir Geo. 'Sdeath, Sir, keep your diftance, or I'll write 
 a&iother article in your guts. [Lays his hand to bis /word. 
 
 Sir Fran. [Going back.] A bloody-minded fellow! 
 
 Sir Geo. Not anfwer me ! perhaps me thinks my ad- 
 drefs too grave : I'll be more free Can you be fo un- 
 confcionable, Madam, to let me fay all thefe fine things 
 to you without one fingle compliment in return ? View 
 me well ; am I not a proper handfome fellow, ha ? Can 
 you prefer that old, dry, withered, faplefs log of fixty- 
 nve, to the vigorous, gay, fprightly love of twenty- 
 four ? With fnoring only he'll awake thee ; but I, 
 with ravifhing delight, would make thy fenfes dance in 
 concert with the joyful minutes. Ha ! not yet ? fure 
 Ihe is dumb Thus wou'd I fteal and touch thy beau- 
 teous hand, [Takes hold of her hand] till by degrees I 
 reach'd thy fnowy breaits, then ravifh kiffes thus. 
 
 [Embraces her in ecftafy. 
 
 Miran. [Struggles and flings from bim.~\ O heavens ! I 
 ftiall not be able to contain myfelf. [-Afide. 
 
 SirFran. [Runningup, with his watch in his hand.] Sure 
 me did not fpeak to him There's five of the ten mi- 
 nutes gone, Sir George Adod, I don't like thofe clofe 
 conferences 
 
 Sir Geo. More interruptions you will have it, Sir ! 
 
 [Lays his hand to his /word, ~\ 
 No, no, y< 
 
 Sir Fran. [Going back,] No, no, you fhan't have hec 
 neither. [Afide. 
 
 Sir Geo. Dumb ftill Sure this old dog has enjoin'd 
 her filence ; I'll try another way I muft conclude, 
 Madam, that in compliance to your Guardian's humour, 
 
 you
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 23 
 
 you refufe to anfwer me Confider the injuftice of his 
 injunction, Madam : thefe ten minutes colt me a hun- 
 dred pound and would you anfwer me, I could pur- 
 chafe the whole day fo. However, Madam, you muft 
 give me leave to make the beft interpretation I can for 
 my money, and take the indication of your filence for 
 the fecret liking of my perfon : therefore, Madam, I 
 will inftruft you how to keep your word inviolate to Sir 
 Francis, and yet anfwer me to every queftion : As for 
 example, when I afk any thing to which you would re- 
 ply in the affirmative, gently nod your head thus ; 
 and when in the negative, thus; [Shakes his head:'} and 
 in the doubtful, a tender figh, thus. {Sighs.'} 
 
 Miran. How every ation charms me but I'll fit 
 him for figns, I warrant him. \_AJide. 
 
 ' Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha ! poor Sir George, ha, ha, 
 * ha! \Afide* 
 
 Sir Geo. Was it by his defire that you are dumb, Ma- 
 dam, to all that I can fay ? 
 
 Miran. [Nods.] 
 
 Sir Geo. Very well ! {he's traftable, I find And is it 
 poffible that you can love him ! [Miran. nods.~\ Miracu- 
 lous ! Pardon the bluntnefs of my queftions, for my time 
 is fhort. May I not hope to fupplant him in your 
 elleem ? [Miran. fighs.~\ Good, me anfwers me as I 
 
 could wiih You'll not confent to marry him then ? 
 
 [Miran. fight.] How ! doubtful in that ? Undone 
 again Humph 1 but that may proceed from his power 
 to keep her out of her eftate till twenty-five ; I'll try 
 that Come, Madam, I cannot think you hefitate on 
 this affair out of any motive but your fortune Let him 
 keep it till thofe few years are expired ; make me hap- 
 py with your perfon, let him enjoy your wealth 
 [Miran. holds up her hands.} Why, what lign Is that 
 now f Nay, nay, Madam, except you obferve my 
 lefTon, I can't underftand your meaning. 
 
 Sir. Fran. What a vengeance, are they talking by 
 figns ! 'ad I may be fool'd here ; what do you mean, 
 Sir George ? 
 
 Sir Geo, To cut your throat, if you dare mutter 
 another fyllable. 
 
 6 Sir.
 
 24 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Sir Fran. Od! Iwifh he were fairly out of my houfe. 
 Sir Geo. Pray, Madam, will you anfvver me to the 
 purpofe ? [Miran. Jbakes her head, and points to Sir 
 Francis,] What does me mean ! (he won't anftver me 
 to the purpofe, or is (he afraid yon old cuff mould un- 
 deritandher figns ? Ay, it muft be that ; I perceive, 
 Madam, you are too apprehenfive of the promife you 
 have made to follow my rules ; therefore I'll fuppofe your 
 
 mind, and anfwer for you Firft, for myfelf, Madam, 
 
 that I am in love with you is an infallible truth. Now 
 for you : [Turns on her fide.] Indeed, Sir, and may I 
 believe it ? As certainly, Madam, as that 'tis day- 
 light, or that I die if you perfift in filence Blefs me 
 with the mufic of your voice, and raife my fpirits to 
 their proper heaven : thus low let me intreat, ere I'm 
 oblig'd to quit this place, grant me fome token of a 
 favourable reception to keep my hopes alive, [jfri/ts 
 haftily, turns on her fide.] Rife, Sir ; and fince my 
 Guardian's prefence will not allow me privilege of 
 tongue, read that, and reft aflured you are not indif- 
 ferent to me. [Offers her a letter.] Ha, right woman ! 
 But \JbeJlrikes it down] no matter, I'll go on. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ha! what's that ! a letter! Ha, ha, ha ! 
 thou art baulk'd. 
 
 Miran. The beft afTurance I ever faw. [Afide. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha ! a letter ! Oh ! let me kifs it with the 
 fame raptures that I would do the dear hand that touch'd 
 it. [0/>ens it.] Now for a quick fancy, and a long ex- 
 tempore What's here ? [Reads.] " Dear Sir George ; 
 this virgin mufe I confecrate to you, which, when it 
 has received the addition of your voice, will charm 
 me into a defire of liberty to love ; which you, and 
 only you, can fix." My angel ! Oh you tranfport 
 me ! [Kijfes the letter.] ' And fee the power of your 
 command ; the God of love has fet the verfe already ; 
 the flowing numbers dance into a tune, and I'm in- 
 fpired with a voice to fmg it. 
 
 ' Miran. I'm fure thou art infpircd with impudence 
 enough. [Afide. 
 
 Sir Geo. [Sings.] 
 
 ' Great
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 25 
 
 Great lo-ve infpire him ; 
 Say I admire him. 
 Give me the lo-uer 
 That can difcwer 
 Secret devotion 
 From feleni motion ; 
 Then don't betray me, 
 But hence convey me. 
 
 ' Sir Geo. [Fating hold of Miranda.]' With all my 
 heart, this moment let's retire. [Sir Francis earning up 
 
 [ha/lily. 
 
 Sir Fran. The time is expir'd, Sir, and you mull take 
 your leave. There, my girl, there's the hundred pounds, 
 which thou haft won ; go, I'll be with you prefently, 
 ha, ha, ha, ha ! [Exit Miranda. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ads-heart, Madam, you won't leave me juft 
 in the nick, will you ? 
 
 Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha ! fhe has nick'd you, Sir Georgr, 
 I think, ha, ha, ha! Have you any more hundred 
 pounds to throw away upon courtfhip ? ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Gro. He, he, he, he! A curfe of your fleering 
 jells Yet, however ill I fucceeded, I'll venture the fame 
 wager, me does not value thee a fpoonful of fnuff; 
 Nay, more, though you enjoin'd her filence to me, you'll 
 never make her fpeak to the purpofc with yourfelf. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! did not I tell thee thou 
 wouid'lt repent thy money ? Did not I fay, fhe hated 
 young fellows ? ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Geo. And I'm pofitive fhe's not in love with age, 
 Sir Fran. Ha, ha! no matter for that, ha, ha ! fhe's 
 not taken with your youth, nor your rhetoric to boot ; 
 ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Geo. Whate'er her reafons are for difliking of me, 
 I am certain fhe can be taken with nothing about thee. 
 
 Sir Fra.v. Ha, ha, ha ! hew he fvvells with envy ! 
 poor man, poor man ha, ha, ha ! I muft beg your par- 
 don, Sir George; Miranda will be impatient to have 
 her mare of mirth : verily we (hall laugh at thee moil 
 egregioufly. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Geo. With all my heart, faith I (hall laugh in my 
 
 turn too For if you dare marry her, old Bel-zcbub, you 
 
 Voi,. I. E witt
 
 26 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 will be cuckolded moft egregioufly : remember that, 
 
 and tremble 
 
 She that to age her beauteous felf re/igns, 
 Shews witty management for clofe dejigns. 
 Then if thou'rt graced with fair Miranda's led, 
 Afiesoii's horns Jhe means /hall crown thy head. [Exit. 
 Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha ! he is mad. 
 
 Thefe fluttering fops imagine they can wind, 
 
 Turn, and decoy to love all woman-kind : 
 
 But here's a proof of wi/dom in my charg:, 
 
 Old men are conftant, young men live at large ; 
 
 The frugal hand can bills at Jight defray, 
 
 When he that la<vijh is, has nought to pay. [Exit.* 
 
 SCENE changes to Sir Jealous Traffick'j Houfe. 
 Enter Sir Jealous, Ifabinda, Patch following. 
 
 Sirjea. What, in the balcony again? notwithiland- 
 ing my po/itive commands to the contrary ! Why don't 
 you write a bill on your forehead, to mow pailengers 
 there's fomething to be lett ?- - 
 
 1/ab. What harm can there be in a little frefh air, Sir? 
 
 Sir Jea. Is your conftitution fo hot, miitrefs, that it 
 wants cooling, ha? Apply the virtuous Spanim rules, 
 banim your tafte, and thoughts of flefh, feed upon 
 roots, and quench your thirft with water. 
 
 Ifab. That and a clofe room would certainly make 
 me die of the vapours. 
 
 Sirjea. No, miflrefs, 'tis your high-fed, lufly, ram- 
 bling, rampant ladies that are troubled with the va- 
 pours : 'tis your ratifia, perfico, cinnamon, citron, and 
 fpirit of clary, caufe fuch fwi m ing in the brain, 
 that carries many a guinea full-tide to the do<5lor. But 
 you are not to be bred this way ; no galloping abroad, 
 no receiving vifits at home ; for in our loofe country, 
 the women are as dangerous as the men. 
 
 Patch. So I told her, Sir ; and that it was not decent 
 to be feen in a balcony but me threatened to flap my 
 chaps, and told me, I was her fervant, not her gover- 
 nefs. 
 
 Sirjea. Did me fo ? but I'll make her to know that 
 you are her duenna : Oh that incomparable cuftom of 
 
 Spain !
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 27 
 
 Spain ! Why here's no depending upon old women in 
 my country for they are as wanton at eighty, as a girl 
 of eighteen ; and a man may as fafely truft to Afgil's 
 tranflation, as to his great grandmother's not marrying 
 again . 
 
 Ifab. Or to the Spanifli ladies veils and duennas, for 
 the fafeguard of their honour. 
 
 Sir Jea. Dare to ridicule the cautious conduft of that 
 wife nation, and I'll have you lockt up this fortnight 
 without a peep-hole. 
 
 Ifab. If we had but the ghoftly helps in England, 
 which they have in Spain, I might deceive you if you 
 did < Sir, 'tis not the reftraint, but the innate princi- 
 ' pies, fecures the reputation and honour of our fex.' 
 Let me tell you, Sir, confinement fharpens the inven- 
 tion, as want of fight ftrengthens the other fenfes, and 
 is often more pernicious, than the recreation that inno- 
 cent liberty allows. 
 
 Sir Jea. Say you fo, miftrefs ? who the devil taught 
 you the art of reafoning ? I affure you they muft have a 
 greater faith than I pretend to, that can think any wo- 
 man innocent who requires liberty. Therefore, Patch, 
 to your charge I give her ; lock her up till I come back 
 from 'Change : I mall have fome fauntring coxcomb, 
 with nothing but a red coat and a feather, think, by 
 leaping into her arms, to leap into my eftate but I'll 
 prevent tXem : (he mall be only Signior Eabinetto's.. 
 
 Patch. Really, Sir, I wifli you would employ any 
 body elfe in this affair; I lead a life like a dog, with 
 obeying your commands. Come, Madam, will you 
 pleafe to be locked up ? 
 
 Ifab. Ay, to enjoy more freedom than he is aware 
 of. [JJMe.] [Exit with Patch. 
 
 Sir Jea. I believe this wench is very true to my inte- 
 reft : I am happy I met with her, if I can but keep my 
 daughter from being blown upon 'till Signior Babinetto 
 arrives, who mail marry her as foon as he comes, and 
 carry her to Spain as foon as he has married her. She 
 has a pregnant wit, and I'd no more have her an Englifh 
 wife, than the Grand Signior's miftrefs. [Exit. 
 
 B 2 Enter
 
 2$ THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Enttr Whifper. 
 
 Whifp. So, I faw Sir Jealous go out ; where (hall I 
 find Mrs. Patch now ? 
 
 Enter Patch. 
 
 Patch. Oh, Mr. Whifper ! my lady faw you out at 
 the window, and ordered me to bid you fly, and let 
 your matter know flic's now alone. 
 
 Whifp. Hum, fpeak foftly ; I go, I go: But hark ye, 
 Mrs. Patch, fhall not you and I have a little confabula- 
 tion, when my matter and your lady are engag'd ? 
 
 Patch. Ay, ay; farewell. [Goes in andfouts the door. 
 Re-enter Sir Jealous Traffic, meeting Whifper. 
 
 Sir Jea. Sure whiltt I was talking with Mr. Trade- 
 well, I heard my door clap. [Seeing Whifper.] Ha ! a 
 man lurking about my houfe : Who do you want there, 
 Sir? 
 
 Whifp. Want want, a pox, Sir Jealous ! What mutt 
 I fay now ? 
 
 Sir Jea. Ay, want ; have you a letter or mefTage 
 
 for any body there ? O' my conference this is fome 
 
 he bawd 
 
 Whifp. Letter or mefTage, Sir ! 
 
 Sir "Jea. Ay, letter or meflage, Sir. 
 
 Whifp. No", not I, Sir. 
 
 Sir Jea. Sirrah, firrah, I'll have you fet in the Hocks, 
 if you don't tell me your bufinefs immediately. 
 
 Whifp. Nay, Sir, my bufinefs is no great matter of 
 bufinefs, neither ; and yet 'tis bufinefs of confequence, 
 too. 
 
 Sir Jea. Sirrah, don't trifle with me. 
 
 Wbifp. Trifle, Sir ! have you found him, Sir ? 
 
 Sir Jea. Found what, you rafcal ? 
 
 Whifp. Why Trifle is the very lap-dog my lady loft, 
 Sir ; I fancy'd I faw him run into this houfe. I'm glad 
 
 you have him Sir, my lady will be overjoy'd that I 
 
 have found him. 
 
 Sir Jea. Who is your lady, friend ? 
 
 Whifp. My lady Love-Puppy, Sir. 
 
 Sir Jea. My lady Love-Puppy, Sir ! then pr'ythee 
 
 < any thyfelf to her, for I know no other whelp that 
 
 6 belongs
 
 THE BUSYBODY. 29 
 
 b!ongs to her ; and let me catch you no more pnppy- 
 hunting about my doors, left I have you preft into the- 
 fervice, firrah. 
 
 Whifp. By no means, Sir Your humble fervant ; I 
 muft watch whether he goes, or no, before lean tell my 
 m after. [Exit. 
 
 Sir Jea. This fellow has the officious leer of a pimp r 
 and I half fufpeft a defign ; but I'll be upon them be- 
 fore they think on me, I warrant 'em. 
 
 SCENE Charles's lodging:. 
 
 Enter Charles and Marplot. 
 
 Cba. Honeft Marplot, I thank thee for this fupplyv 
 I expeft my lawyer with a thoufand pounds I have or- 
 dered him to take up, and then you (hall be repaid. 
 
 MtirpL Pho, pho, no more of that: here comes Sir 
 George Airy. 
 
 Enter Sir George. 
 
 Curfedly out of humour at his difappointment j fee how 
 he looks ! ha r ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Geo. Ah Charles, I am fo humbled in my preten- 
 fions to plots upon women, that I believe I ftiall never 
 have courage enough to attempt a chamber-maid again ^ 
 I'll tell thee. 
 
 Cba. Ha, ha! I'll fpare you the relation, by telifng 
 
 you Impatient to know your buftnefs with my father, 
 
 when I faw you enter, I flipt back into the next room, 
 where I over-heard every fyllable. 
 
 Sir Geo. That I faid ? But I'll be hang'd if you 
 heard her anfwer But pr'ythee tell me, Charles, is me 
 a fool ? 
 
 Cba. I ne'er fufpefted her for one ; but Marplot can 
 inform you better, if you'll allow him a judge. 
 
 Marpl. A fool ! I'll juftify me has more wit tharr all 
 the reft of her fex put together ; why, lhe'11 rally me 
 till I han't one word to fay for myfelf. 
 
 Cba. A mighty proof of her wit, truly 
 
 Marpl. There muft be fome trick in't, Sir George-; 
 egad I'll find it out, if it coft me the fum you paid for't. 
 
 Sir Geo. Do, and command- me 
 B 3.
 
 3 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Mar pi. Enough, let me alone to trace a fecret 
 
 Ente r Whifper, and fpe aki afide to his Maftfr. 
 The devil ! Whifper here again ; that fellow never fpeaks 
 out. Is this the fame, or a new fecret ? Sir George, 
 won't you aflc Charles what news Whifper brings ? 
 
 Sir Geo. Not I, Sir ; I fuppofe it does not relate to me. 
 
 Marpl. Lord, lord, how little curiofity forne people 
 have ? Now my chief pleafure lies in knowing every 
 body's bufinefs. 
 
 Sir Geo. I fancy, Charles, thouhaft fome engagement 
 upon thy hands: I have a little bufmefs, too. Marplot, 
 if it fall in your way to bring me any intelligence from 
 Miranda, you'll find me at the Thatch'd Houfe at fix 
 
 Marpl. You do me much honour. 
 
 Cha. You guefs right, Sir George ; wifh me fuccefs. 
 
 Sir Geo. Better than attended me. Adieu. [Exit. 
 
 Cha. Marplot, you muft excufe me 
 
 Marpl. Nay, nay, what need of any excufe amongft 
 friends ? I'll go with you. 
 
 Cha. Indeed you muft not. 
 
 Marpl. No ! then I fuppofe 'tis a duel, and I will go 
 to fecure you. 
 
 Cha. Well, but it is no duel, confequently no danger. 
 Therefore pr'ythee be anfwer'd. 
 
 Marpl. What is't amiftrefs, then? mum you know 
 I can be filent upon occafion. 
 
 Cha. I wim you could be civil too: I tell you, you 
 neither muft nor fhall go with me. Farewell. [Exit. 
 
 Marpl. Why then I muft and will follow you. [Exit. 
 
 The End of the SECOND ACT. 
 
 ACT III. SCENE a Street. 
 
 Enter Charles. 
 
 Cha. TT7ELL, here's the houfe which holds the 
 V V lovely prize quiet and ferene : here no noify 
 footmen throng to tell the world, that beauty dwells 
 within ; ho ceremonious vifit makes the lover wait ^ 
 no rival to give my heart a pang : who would not fcalc 
 
 the
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 31 
 
 the window at midnight without fear of the jealous 
 father's pillol, rather than fill up the train of a coquet, 
 where every minute he is joftled out of place? [Knocks 
 Joftly.] Mrs. Patch, Mrs. Patch ! 
 Enter Patch. 
 
 Patch. Oh, are you come, Sir ? All's fafe. 
 
 Cha, So in, in then. 
 
 Enter Marplot. 
 
 Marpl. There he goes : who the devil lives here ? 
 except I can find out that, I am as far from knowing his 
 buiinefs as ever ; gad I'll watch, it may be a bawdy- 
 houfe, and he may have his throat cut ; if there mould 
 be any mifchief, I can make oath he went in. Well, 
 Charles, in fpite of your endeavours to keep me out 
 of the fccret, I may fave your life for aught I know : 
 At that corner I'll plant myfelf, there I mall fee whoever 
 goes in, or comes out. Gad, I love difcoveries. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE draws, Charles, Ifabinda, and Patch. 
 
 Ifab. Patch, look out (harp ; have a care of dad. 
 
 Patch. I warrant you. 
 
 Jfab. Well, Sir, if I may judge your love by your 
 courage, I ought to believe you fincere ; for you ven- 
 ture into the lion's den when you come to fee me. 
 
 Cha. If you'd confent, whillt the furious beaft is a- 
 broad, I'd free you from the reach of his paws. 
 
 Jfab. That would be but to avoid one danger by 
 running into another : ' like poor wretches who tiy the 
 ' burning (hip, and meet their fate in the water.' Come, 
 come, Charles, I fear, if I confult my reafon, confine- 
 ment and plenty is better than liberty and flarving. I 
 know you'd make the frolick pleafing for a little time, 
 by faying and doing a world offender things ; but when 
 our fmall fubltance is exhaufted, and a thoufand requi- 
 fites for life are wanting ; love, who rarely dwells with 
 poverty, would alfo fail us. 
 
 Cha. Faith, I fancy not; methinks my heart has laid 
 up a ftock will lall for life : to back which, I have ta- 
 ken a thoufand pound upon my uncle's eftate ; that' 
 furely will fupport us till one of our fathers relent. 
 
 Ifab. There's notrufting to that, my friend j I doubt 
 B 4 your
 
 32 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 your father will carry his humour to the grave, and 
 mine till he fees me fettled in Spain. 
 
 Cha. And can you then cruelly reforve to flay till 
 that curs'd Don arrives, and fuft'er that youth, beauty, 
 fire, and wit, to be facrificed to the arms of a dull 
 Spaniard, to be immur'd, and forbid the fight of any 
 thing that's human ? 
 
 Ifab. No, when it comes to that extremity, and no 
 ftratagem can relieve us, thou fhalt lilt for a foldier, 
 and I'll carry thy knapfack after thee. 
 
 Cha. Bravely refolv'd 1 the world cannot be more 
 favage than our parents, and fortune generally affifts 
 the bold ; therefore ccmfent now : Why mould we put 
 it to a future hazard ? Who knows when we fhall have 
 another opportunity ? 
 
 Ifab. Oh, you have your ladder of ropes, I fuppofe, 
 and the clofet-window ftands juft where it did; and if 
 you han't forgot to write in characters, Patch will find 
 a way for our affignations. Thus much of the Spanifh 
 contrivance my father's feverity has taught me: I thank 
 htm : though I hate the nation, I admire their manage- 
 n;ent in thefe affairs. 
 
 Enter Patch. 
 
 Patch. Oh, Madam, I fee my matter coming up th 
 ftreet. 
 
 Cha. Oh, the devil, would I had my ladder now ! I 
 thought you had not expected him till night : why, 
 why, why, why, what fhall I do, Madam ? 
 
 Ifab. Oh! for Heaven's fake ! don't go that way, you'll 
 meet him full in the teeth : ' Oh, unlucky moment 1' 
 
 Cha. Adfheart, can you fhut me into no> cupboard, 
 nor ram me into a chclt, ha ? 
 
 Patch. Jmpoffible, Sir, he fearches every hole in the 
 houfe. 
 
 Ifab. Undone for ever ! if he fees you, I fhall never 
 fee you more. 
 
 Patch. I have thought on it : run you to your cham- 
 ber, Madam ; and, Sir, come you along with me : I'm 
 certain you may eafiJy get down from the balcony. 
 
 Cha. My life, adieu Lead on, guide. [Exit- 
 
 J/ab. Heaven preferve him ! [Exit. 
 
 SCENE
 
 THE BUSY' ROD Y. 33 
 
 SCENE changes to the Jtreet. 
 Enter Sir Jealous, with Marplot behind him. 
 
 Sirjea. I don't know what's the matter, but I have" 
 a ftrong fufpicion all is not right within ; that fellow 
 fauntring about my door, and his tale of a puppy 
 had the face of a lie, methought. By St. liigo, if I 
 ihould find a man in the houfe, I'd make mince-meat 
 of him 
 
 MarpL Ah, poor Charles ha? Egad he is old I 
 fancy 1 might bully him, and make Charles have an opi- 
 nion of my courage. 
 
 Sirjea. My own key mall let me in ; I'll give them 
 no warning. [Feeling for his key, 
 
 MarpL What's that you fay, Sir ? 
 
 [Going up to Sir Jealous.- 
 
 Sir Jea. What's that to you ? [Turns quick upon him, 
 
 MarpL Yes, 'tis to me, Sir : for the gentleman you 
 threaten is a very honeft gentleman. Look to't ; for if 
 he comes not as fafeout of your houfe as he went in, I 
 have half a dozen Myrmidons hard by mall beat it about 
 your ears. 
 
 Sir Jea. Went in ! What, is he in, then ? Ah ! a- 
 combination to undo me I'll Myrmidon you, ye dog,, 
 you Thieves ! thieves ! 
 
 [Beats Marplot all the while be cries thieves. 
 
 MarpL Murder, murder ; I was not in your houfe,. 
 Sir. 
 
 Enter fer*vant* 
 
 Serv. What's the matter, Sir? 
 
 Sir Jea. The matter, raical ! You have let a man in- 
 to my houfe ; but I'll flea him alive ; follow me, I'll not 
 leave a moufe-hole uniearch'd ; if I find him, by St. 
 lago, I'll equip him for the Opera. 
 
 MarpL A deuce of his cane, there's no trufting to age 
 What mall I do to relieve Charles ? Egad, Til raiie 
 the neighbourhood Murder! murder \ [Charles drops 
 doiiun upon him from the balwny.~\ Charles, faith I'm glad 
 to fee thee fafe out, with all my heart. 
 
 Cla. A pox of your bawling : how the Devil came 
 you here ? 
 
 B. 5 MarpL-
 
 34 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Marpl. Here ! 'gad, I have done you a piece of fer- 
 vice ; I told the old thunderbolt, that the gentleman 
 that was gone in, was 
 
 Cha. Was it you that told him, Sir ? [Laying hold of him. 
 'Sdeath, I could crulh thee into atoms. [Exit Charles. 
 
 Marpl. What, will you choak me for my kindnefs? 
 Will my enquiring foul never leave fearching into other 
 people's affairs, till it gets fqueez'd out of my body ; I 
 dare not follow him now for my blood, he's in fuch a 
 paffion I'll to Miranda: if I can difcover aught that 
 may oblige Sir George, it may be a means to reconcile 
 me again to Charles. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Sir Jealous and bis fervants. 
 
 Sir Jea. Are you fure you have fearch'd every where? 
 
 Ser<v. Yes, from the top of the houfe to the bottom. 
 
 Sir Jea. Under the beds, and over die beds ? 
 
 Ser<v. Yes, and in them too ; but found no-body, Sir. 
 
 Sir j^ea. Why, what could this rogue mean ? 
 Enter Ifabinda and Patch. 
 
 Patch. Take courage, Madam, I faw him fafe out. 
 
 [Jfidetol&b. 
 
 Ifab. Blefs me ! what's the matter, Sir ? 
 
 Sir Jea. You know bell Pray where's the man that 
 was here juft now? 
 
 Ifab. What man, Sir ? I faw none ! 
 
 Patch. Nor I, by the truft you repofe in me : do you 
 think I would let a man come within thefe doors, when 
 you are abfent ? 
 
 Sir yea. Ah, Patch, me may be too cunning for thy 
 honefty ; the very fcout, that he had fet to give warning, 
 difcover'd it to me and threatened me with half a 
 dozen Myrmidons but I think I maul'd the villain. 
 Thefe affliftions you draw upon me, Miftrefs ! 
 
 Ifab. Pardon me, Sir, 'tis your own ridiculous hu- 
 mour draws you into thefe vexations, and gives every 
 fool pretence to banter you. 
 
 Sir yea. No, 'tis your idle conduft, your coquettifh 
 flirting into the balcony Oh ! with what joy mall I re- 
 iign thee into the arms of Don Diego Babinetto ? 
 
 Jfab. Arid with what induftry mail I avoid him? [Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. Certainly that rogue had a meflage from 
 
 fomebody
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 35 
 
 fomebody or other ; but being baulk'd by my coming, 
 pop'd that mam upon me. Come along, ye fots, let's 
 fee if we can find the dog again. Patch, lock her up ; 
 d'ye hear. 
 
 Patch. Yes, Sir, ay, walk till your heels ake, you'll 
 find no-body, I promife you. 
 
 Ifab. Who cou'd that fcout be which he talks of? 
 Patch. Nay, I can't imagine, without it was Whifper. 
 Ifab. Well, dear Patch, let's employ all our thoughts 
 how to efcape this horrid Don Diego j my very heart 
 finks at his terrible name. 
 
 Patch. Fear not, Madam, Don Carlo mail be the man, 
 or I'll lofe the reputation of contriving ; and then what's 
 a chamber-maid good for ? 
 
 IJal. Say'ft thou fo, my girl ? Then 
 ' Let dad be jealous, multiply his cares, 
 ' Whilji lo-Tje inftr lifts me to avo 
 ' 1'lly fpite of all his Spanijh caution, Jhoiu, 
 * ffoiv much for le<ve a Britijh maid can do* 
 
 SCENE Sir Francis Gripe'/ Heu/e. 
 Sir Francis and Miranda meeting. 
 
 Miran. Well, Gardes, how did I perform the dumb 
 fcene ? 
 
 Sir Fran. To admiration' Thou dear little rogue- 
 let me bufs thee for it : nay, adod, I will, Chargee, fo 
 muzzle, and tuzzle, and hug thee ;- I will, i'faith, I 
 will. [.Hugging and kijjing her. 
 
 Miran. Nay, Gardee, don't be fo lavifh ; who would 
 ride poft, when the journey lafts for life ? 
 
 Sir Fran. Ah wag, ah wag, I'll bufs thee again, for 
 that. " 
 
 ' Miran. Faugh ! how he ftinks of tobacco !. what a 
 delicate bedfellow I mould have ! \Afidef 
 
 Sir Fran. Oh, I am tranfported ! When, when, my 
 dear, wilt thou convince the world of the happy day ? 
 When mall we marry, ha ? 
 
 Miran. There's nothing wanting but your confent, 
 Sir Francis. 
 
 Sir Fran. My confent! What does my charmer mean? 
 
 Miran. Nay, 'tis only a whim: but I'll have every thing 
 B 6 according
 
 $6 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 according to form Therefore j when you fign an au- 
 thentic paper, drawn up by an able lawyer, that I have 
 your leave to marry, the next day makes me yours, 
 Gardee, 
 
 Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha I a whim indeed ! why is it not 
 demonHration I give my leave when I marry thee ? 
 
 Miran. Not for your reputation, Gardee; the malicious 
 world will be apt to fay you trick'd me into marriage, 
 and fo take the merit from my choice. Now I will have 
 the aft my own, to let the idle fops fee how much I 
 prefer a man loaded with years and wifdom. 
 
 Sir Fran. Humph! Pr'ythee leave out years, Chargee- 
 I'm not fo old, as thou lhalt find : adod, I'm young ^ 
 there's a caper for ye. [7 ufn P s 'J 
 
 Miran. Oh, never excufe it ; why, I like you the bet- 
 ter for being old But I fhall fufpecl you don't love me, 
 if you refufe me this formality. 
 
 Sir Fran. Not love thee, Chargee ! Adod, I do love 
 thee better than, than, than, better than what mall I 
 fay ? Egad, better than money ; i'faith I do 
 
 Miran. That's falfe, I'm fure \.AJide.~\ To prove it, 
 do this, then. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, I will do it, Chargee, provided I 
 bring a licence at the fame time ? 
 
 Miran. Ay, and a parfon too, if you pleafe : Ha, ha_ 
 ha! I cannot help laughing to think how all the young 
 coxcombs about town will be mortified when they hear 
 of our marriage. 
 
 Sir Fran. So they will, fo they wilt ; ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Miran. Well, I fancy I fiiall be fo happy with my 
 Gardee 
 
 Sir Fran. If wearing pearls and jewels, or eating gold, 
 as the old faying is, can make thee happy, thou malt 
 be fo, my fweeteft, my lovely, my charming, my verily 
 1 know not what to call thee. 
 
 Miran. You muft knew, Gardee, that I am fo eager 
 to have this bufmefs concluded, that I have employed 
 .my woman's brother, who is a lawyer in the Temple, to 
 fettle matters j uft to your liking; you are to give your 
 confcnt to my marriage, which is to yourfelf, you know: 
 but tnum> you muft take no notice of that. So then I will , 
 
 that
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 37 
 
 that is, with your leave, put my writings into his hands ; 
 then to-morrow, we come flap upon them with a wed- 
 ding that nobody thought on ; by which you feize me 
 and my eftate, and, I fuppofe, make a bonfire of your 
 own acl: and deed. 
 
 Sir Fran. Kay, but, Chargee, if 
 
 Miran. Nay, Gardee, no ifs Have I refus'd three 
 northern lords, two Britifli peers, and half a fcore 
 knights, to have put in your ifs ? 
 
 Sir Fran. So thou haft, indeed, and I will truft to 
 thy management. Od, I'm all of a fire. 
 
 Miran. 'Tis a wonder the dry ftubble does not blaze. 
 
 Enter Marplot. 
 
 Sir Fran. How now, who fent for you, Sir? What's 
 the hundred pound gone already ? 
 
 Marpl. No, Sir, I don't want money now. 
 
 Sir Fra. No ; that's a miracle ! but there's one thing 
 you want, I'm fure. 
 
 Marpl. Ay, what's that, Guardian? 
 
 Sir Fran. Manners : what, had I no fervants without ? 
 
 Marpl. None that could do my bufinefs, guardian, 
 which is at prefent with this lady. 
 
 Miran. With me, Mr. Marplot ! what is it, I befeech 
 you ? 
 
 Sir Fran. Ay, Sir, what is it ? Any thing that relates 
 to her may be deliver'd to me. 
 
 Marpl. I deny that. 
 
 Miran. That's more than I do, Sir. 
 
 Marpl. Indeed, Madam ! Why then to proceed : fame 
 fays, that you and my moil confcionable Guardian here 
 defign'd, contriv'd, plotted, and agreed, to choufe a 
 very civil/ honeft, honourable gentleman out of a hun- 
 dred pounds. 
 
 Miran. That I contriv'd it ! 
 
 Marpl. Ay, you You faid never a word againft it, fo 
 far you are guilty. 
 
 Sir Fran. Pray tell that civil, honeft, honourable gen- 
 tleman, that if he has any more fuch fums to fool away, 
 they fhall be received like the laft ; ha, ha, ha ! chous'd, 
 quotha ! But hark ye, let him know, at the fame time, 
 
 that
 
 3 8 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 that if he dare to report I trick'd him of it, I mall recom- 
 mend a lawyer to him mail fhew him a trick for twice as 
 much : d'ye hear ? tell him that. 
 
 Marpl. So, and this is the way you ufe a gentleman, 
 and my friend ? 
 
 Miran. Is the wretch thy friend ? 
 
 Marpl. The wretch ! Look ye, Madam, don't call 
 names ; egad, I won't take it. 
 
 Miran. Why, you won't beat me, will you ? ha, ha ! 
 
 Marpl. I don't know whether I will or no. 
 
 Sir Fran. Sir, I mall make a fervant fhew you out at 
 the window, if you are faucy. 
 
 MarpL I am your moft humble fervant, Guardian ; I 
 defign to go out the fame way I came in. I would only 
 aflc this lady, if me does not think in her foul Sir George 
 Airy is not a fine gentleman ? 
 
 Miran. He drefles well. 
 
 Sir Fran. Which is chiefly owing to his taylor and 
 valet de cbambre. 
 
 Miran. And if you allow that a proof of his being a 
 fine gentleman, he is fo. 
 
 Marpl. The judicious part of the world allow him wit, 
 courage, gallantry, and management ; tho' I think h* 
 forfeited that character, when he flung away a hundred 
 pounds upon your dumb ladyfhip. 
 
 Sir Fran. Does that gaul him? ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Miran. So Sir George, remaining in deep difcontent, 
 has fent you, his truity Tquire, to utter his complaint : 
 Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Marpl. Yes, Madam ; and you, like a cruel, hard- 
 hearted Jew, value it no more than I wou'd your lady- 
 ihip, were I Sir George, you, you, you ! 
 
 Miran, Oh, don't call names : J know you love to be 
 employ'd, and I'll oblige you, and you mail carry him 
 a meflage from me. 
 
 Marpl. According as I like it : what is it ? 
 
 Miran. Nay, a kind one, you may be fure Firfl tell 
 him, I have chofe this gentleman to have and to hold, 
 and fo forth. [Clapping her t band into Sir Francis's. 
 
 Sir Fran. Oh, the dear rogue, how I doat on her ! 
 
 MS*. 
 
 Miran.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 39 
 
 Miratt. And advife his impertinence to trouble me no 
 more ; for I prefer Sir Francis for a hufband before all 
 the fops in the univerfe. 
 
 MarpL Oh Lord, oh Lord ! fhe's bewitch'd, that's 
 certain : here's a hufband for eighteen Here's a fhape 
 Here's bones rattling in a leathern bag. [Turning Sir 
 Francis about,] Here's buckram and canvas to fcrub 
 you to repentance. 
 
 Sir Fran. Sirrah, my cane fhall teach you repentance 
 prefently. 
 
 Marpl. No, faith, I have felt its twin brother from 
 juft fuch a wither'd hand too lately. 
 
 Miran. One thing more : advife him to keep from the 
 garden-gate on the left hand; for* if he dare to faunter 
 there about the hour of eight, as he ufed to do, he fhall 
 be faluted with apiftol or a blunderbufs. 
 
 Sir Fran. Oh, monftrous ! why, Chargee, did he ufe 
 to come to the garden gate ? 
 
 Miran. The gard'ner defcrib'd juft fuch another man 
 that always watch'd his coming out, and fain wou'd 
 have brib'd him for his entrance Tell him he mall find 
 a warm reception if he comes this night. 
 
 Marpl. Piftols and blunderbufles ! Egad, a warm re- 
 ception indeed : I (hall take care to inform him of your 
 kindnefs, and advife him to keep farther off. 
 
 Miran. I hope he will underitand my meaning bet- 
 ter, than to follow your advice. \_djidc. 
 
 Sir Fran. Thou haft fign'd, feal'd, and ta'en pofleflion 
 of my heart forever, Chargee, ha, ha, ha ! and for you, 
 Mr. Sauce- box, let me have no more of your mefTages, 
 if ever you defign to inherit your eftate, gentleman. 
 
 Marpl. Why there 'tis now. Sure I fhall be out of 
 your clutches one day Well, Guardian, 1 fay no more ; 
 but if you be not as arrant a cuckold as e'er drove bar- 
 
 fain upon the Exchange, or paid attendance to a court, 
 am the foil of a whetftone j and fo your humble fer- 
 vant. [Exit. 
 
 Miran. Don't forget the meflage ; ha, ha, ha ! 
 Sir Fran. I am fo provok'd 'tis well he's gone. 
 Miran. Oh mind him not, Gardee j but let's fign 
 articles, and then 
 
 Sir
 
 40 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 <S/> Fran. And then Adod, I believe I am meta- 
 morphos'd ; my pulfe beats high and my blood boils, 
 methinks [Kijfing and bugging her. 
 
 Miran. Oh fie, Gardee, be not fo violent j confider 
 the market lafts all the year Well; I'll in and fee if 
 the lawyer be come ; you'll follow ? [Exit. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ay, to the world's end, my dear. Well, 
 Frank, thou art a lucky fellow in thy old age, to have 
 fuch a delicate morfel, and thirty thoufand pounds in 
 love with thee ; I mall be the envy of batchelors, the 
 glory _of marry'd men, and the wonder of the town. 
 Some guardians would be glad to compound for part of 
 the eftate, at difpatching an heirefs ; but I engrofs the 
 whole : O ! mihi pr<tteritos referet fe Jupiter annos. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE changes to a tavern ; difcovers Sir Gecrge 
 
 and Charles with wine before them, and Whifyer 
 
 waiting. 
 
 Sir Geo. Nay, pr'ythee don't be grave, Charles : mif- 
 fortunes will happen, ha, ha, ha ! 'tis fome comfort to 
 have a companion in our fufferines. 
 
 Cba. ; 
 humour is 
 tranfport him to her undoing, fhocks my 
 
 Sir Geo. But fmceyou efcap'd undifcover'd by him, 'his 
 rage will quickly lafh into a calm, never fear it. 
 
 Cba. But who knows what that unlucky dog Marplot 
 told him ? nor can I imagine what brought him hither : 
 that fellow is ever doing mifchief; and yet, to* give him 
 his due, he never defigns it. This is fome blundering 
 adventure, wherein he thought to mew his friendfhip, as 
 he calls it ; a curfe on him ! 
 
 Sir Geo. Then you mult forgive him : what faid he ? 
 
 Cha. Said ? nay, I had more mind to cut his throat, 
 than to hear his excufes. 
 
 Sir Gee. Where is he ? 
 
 Wbifp. Sir, I faw him go into Sir Francis Gripe's 
 juft now. 
 
 Cha. Oh ! then he's upon your bnfinefs, Sir George ; 
 a thoufand to one but he makes fome miltake there 
 too. 
 
 Sir 
 
 i companion in our lunenngs. 
 z. I am only apprehenfive forlfabinda: her father's 
 ur is implacable; and how far his jealoufy may 
 >ort him to her undoing, mocks my foul to think.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 41 
 
 Sir Gee. Impoffible, without he huffs the Lady, and 
 makes love to Sir Francis. 
 
 Eater Drawer. 
 
 Draw. Mr. Marplot is below, gentlemen, and defires 
 to know if he may have leave to wait upon ye. 
 
 Cba. How civil the rogue is when he has done a 
 fault ! 
 
 Sir Geo. Ho ! defire him to walk up. Pr'y thee, Charles, 
 throw off this chagrin, and be good company. 
 
 Cba. Nay, hang him, I'm not angry with him : 
 Whifper, fetch me pen, ink, and paper. 
 
 Wbifp. Yes, Sir. {Exit Whifp. 
 
 Enter Marplot. 
 
 Cba. Do tut mark his fheepifh look, Sir George. 
 
 Marpl. Dear Charles, don't o'erwhelm a man al- 
 ready under unfupportable affliction. I'm fure I always 
 intend to ferve my friends ; but if my malicious ftars 
 deny the happinefs, is the fault mine ? 
 
 Sir Geo. Never mind him, Mr. Marplot ; he is eat 
 up with fpleen. But tell me, what fays Miranda ? 
 
 Miran. Says, nay, we are all undone there, too. 
 
 Cba. I told you fo ; nothing profpers that he under- 
 takes. 
 
 Marpl. Why, can I help her having chofe your father 
 for better for worfe ? 
 
 Cba. So : There's another of fortune's ftrokes. I 
 fuppofe I mail be edg'd out of my eftate with twins every 
 year, let who will get J em. 
 
 Sir Geo. What, is the woman really poflefs'd ? 
 
 Marpl. Yes, with the fpirit of contradiction : me rail'd 
 at you moft prodigioufly. 
 
 Sir Geo. That's no ill fign. 
 
 Enter Whifper, with pen, ink, and paper. 
 
 Marpl. You'd fay it was no good fign, if you knew 
 All. 
 
 Sir Geo. Why, pr'ythee ? 
 
 Marpl. Hark'e, Sir George, let me warn you, purfue 
 your old haunt no more, it may be dangerous. 
 
 [Charles Jits down to wrife* 
 
 Sir Geo. My old haunt ! what do you mean ? 
 
 Marpl. Why in fhort, then, fince you will have it, 
 
 Miranda
 
 42 T H E B U S Y BODY. 
 
 Miranda vows if you dare approach the garden gate at 
 eight o'clock, as you us'd, you fhall be faluted with & 
 blunderbufs, Sir. Thele were her very words j nay fhe 
 bid me tell you fo too. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha ! the garden-gate at eight, as I us'd to 
 do ! there mult be a meaning in this. Js there fuch a 
 gate, Charles ? 
 
 Cba. Yes, yes ; it opens into the Park ; Jfuppofe her 
 lady/hip has made many a fcamper thro' it. 
 
 Sir Geo. It muft be an affignation, then. Ha, my 
 heart fprings for joy ; 'tis a propitious omen. My dear 
 Marplot, let me embrace thee, thou art my friend, my 
 better angel 
 
 Marpl. What do you mean, Sir George ? 
 Sir Geo. No matter what I mean. Here, take a 
 bumper to the garden-gate, you dear rogue, you. 
 
 Marpl. You have reaion to be tranfported, Sir George ; 
 I have fav'd your life. 
 
 Sir Geo. My life ! thou haft fav'd my foul, man. 
 Charles, if thou doft not pledge this health, may'ft thou 
 never tafte the joys of love. 
 
 Cba. Whifper, be fure you take care how you deli- 
 ver this ; [Gives him the letter] bring me the anfwer to 
 7 lodgings. 
 
 Whifp. I warrant you, Sir. 
 
 Marpl. Whither does that letter go ? Now I dare not 
 aft for my blood. 
 
 Cba. Now I'm for you. 
 
 Sir Geo. To the garden-gate at the hour of eight, 
 Charles ; along, Huzza ! 
 
 Cba. I begin to conceive you. 
 
 Marpl. That's more than I do, egadto the garden- 
 gate, huzza. [Drints.] But I hope you defign to keep 
 far enough off on't, Sir George. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay, ay, never fear that ; me ihall fee I def- 
 pife her frowns ; let her ufe her blunderbufs againft the 
 next fool, fhe (han't reach me with the fmoak, I warrant 
 her ; ha, ha, ha! 
 
 Marpl. Ah, Charles, if you could receive a difap- 
 pointment thus en cavalier, one fhould have fome com- 
 fort in being beat for you. 
 
 Cba.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 43 
 
 Cba. The fool comprehends nothing. 
 
 Sir Geo. Nor would I have him : pr'ythee take him 
 along with thee. 
 
 Cha. Enough Marplot, you mall go home with me. 
 
 Marpl. I'm glad I'm well with him, however. Sir 
 
 George, yours. Egad, Charles afking me to go home 
 with him, gives me a fhrewd fufpicion there's more in 
 the garden-gate than I comprehend. Faith I'll give 
 him the drop, and away to Guardian's, and find it out. 
 
 Sir Geo. 1 kifs both your hands. And now for the 
 
 gard.en-gate. 
 
 Iff beauty gives the ajjtgnation there, 
 
 And lo<ve too powerful grows f admit of fear. [Exit. 
 
 The End of the THIRD ACT. 
 
 A C T IV. SCENES outfidt of Sir Jealous 
 Traffick'/ Houfe, Patch peeping out of the door. 
 
 Enter Whifper. 
 
 Whifp. T T A, Mrs. Patch, this is a lucky minute, to 
 J_ \ find you fo readily j my matter dies with 
 impatience. 
 
 Patch. My lady imagin'd fo ; and, by her orders, I 
 have been fcouting this hour in fearching you, to inform 
 you that Sir Jealous has invited fome friends to fupper 
 with him to-night, which gives an opportunity to your 
 mailer to make ufe of his ladder of ropes : the clofet- 
 window fhall be open, and Ifabinda ready to receive 
 him : bid him come immediately. 
 
 Whifp. Excellent ! he'll not difappoint, I warrant him. 
 But hold, I have a letter here, which I'm to carry an 
 anfwer to. I can't think what language the direction is. 
 
 Patch. Pho, 'tis no language, but a character which 
 the lovers invented to avert difcovery Ha, I hear my 
 old matter coming down flairs ; it is impoflible you 
 mould have an anfwer ; away, and bid him come him. 
 
 felf
 
 44 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 felf for that : be gone, we are ruin'd if you're feen, for 
 he has doubled his care fince the laft accident. 
 
 Wbifp. 1 go, I go. [Exit. 
 
 Patch. There, go thou into my pocket. [Pufs it bejide, 
 and it falls down.] Now, I'll up the back-ftairs, left I 
 meet him. Well, a dextrous chamber-maid is the la- 
 dies beft iitenfil, 1 fay. [Exit. 
 Eater Sir Jealous, with a letter in his band. 
 
 Sir Jea. So, this is fome comfort : this tells me that 
 Signior Don Diego Babinetto is fafely arriv'd ; he lhall 
 marry my daughter the minute he comes. Ha, ha ! 
 what's here ? [7'akes up the letter Patch drofd.~\ A letter ! 
 I don't know what to make of the fuperfcription. - I'll 
 fee what's within fide ; [opens it~\ humph 'tis He- 
 brew, I think. What can this mean ! There mull be 
 fome trick in it ; this was certainly defign'd for my 
 daughter ; but I don't know that me can fpeak any 
 language but her mother-tongue. No matter for that; 
 this may be one of love's hieroglyphicks ; and I fancy 
 J faw Patch's tail fweep by : that wench may be a flut; 
 and, inftead of guarding my honour, betray it : I'll find 
 
 it out, I'm refdv'd.- ' Who's there ? 
 
 ' Enter Servant. 
 ' What anfwer did you bring from the gentlemen I fent 
 
 * you to invite ? 
 
 * Serv. That they'd all wait of you, Sir, as I told you 
 
 * before ; but I fuppofe you forgot, Sir. 
 
 ' Sir Jea. Did I fo, Sir ? But I (han't forget to break 
 
 * your head, if any of them come, Sir. 
 
 ' Serv. Come, Sir ! why did not you fend me to de- 
 ' fire their company, Sir? 
 
 " * Sir yea. But I fend you now to defire their ab- 
 k fence : fay I have fomething extraordinary fallen 
 ' out, which calls me abroad contrary to expectation, 
 
 * and afk their pardon ; and, d'ye hear, fend the butler 
 ' to me. 
 
 Serv. Yes, Sir. [Exit. 
 
 * Enter Sutler. 
 ' Sir Jea. If this paper has a meaning, I'll find it. 
 
 * Lay the cloth in my daughter's chamber, and bid the 
 " cook fend fupper thither prefently. 
 
 Bud. Yes*
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 45 
 
 < Butl. Yes, Sir. Hey-day, what's the matter now ? 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 f Sir Jca. He wants the eyes of Argus, that hat a 
 * young handfome daughter in this town ; but my com- 
 ' fort is, I (hall not be troubled long with her. He that 
 ' pretends to rule a girl once in her teens, had better be 
 ' at fea in a ftorm, and would be in lefs danger ; 
 ' For let him do or counfel all he can, 
 ' She thinks and dreams of nothing elfe but man. [Exit.* 
 
 SCENE IfabindaV Chamber. 
 
 Ifabinda and Patch. 
 
 Ifab. Are you fure nobody faw you fpeak to Whif- 
 per? 
 
 Patch. Yes, very fure, madam : but I heard Sir Jea- 
 lous coming down flairs, fo clapt his letter into my 
 pocket. [Fie/s/or the letter. 
 
 Ifab. A letter ! Give it me quickly, 
 Patch. Blefs me! what's become on't I'm fure I put 
 
 it [ Searching ft ill. 
 
 Ifab. Is it poffible, thou could'fl be fo carelefs ! Oh! 
 I'm undone for ever, if it be loft. 
 
 Patch. I mufl have dropt it upon the flairs. But why 
 are you fo much alarm'd ? If the worft happens, no- 
 body can read it, madam, nor find out whom it was de- 
 fign'd for. 
 
 Ifab. If it falls into my father's hands, the very figure 
 of a letter will produce ill confequences. Run and 
 look for it upon the flairs this moment. 
 
 Patch. Nay, I'm fure it can be no where elfe [As 
 Jhe is going out of the door, meets the Sutler.] How now, 
 what do you want ? 
 
 Butl. My mailer ordered me to lay the cloth here for 
 his fupper. 
 
 Ifab. Ruin'd, pafl redemption \_AJide. 
 
 Patch. You miflake, fure ; what mall we do ? 
 Ifab. I thought he expected company to-night Oh! 
 poor Charles ! Oh ! unfortunate Ifabinda ! 
 
 ButL I thought fo too, Madam, but I fuppofe he haj 
 alter 'd his mind, [Lays the clcth, end exit.
 
 ^6 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Ifab. The letter is the caufe ; this heedlefs action has 
 undone me : fly and fatten the clofet- window, which will 
 give Charles notice to retire. Ha, my father ! Oh con- 
 fufion ! 
 
 Enter Sir Jealous. 
 
 Sir Jea. Hold, hold, Patch, whither are you going ? 
 I'll have nobody ftir out of the room till after fupper. 
 
 Patch. Sir, I was going to reach your eafy chair Oh, 
 wretched accident ! 
 
 Sir Jea. I'll have nobody flir out of the room. I 
 don't want my eafy chair. 
 
 Ifab. What will be the event of this ! [Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. Hark ye, daughter ; do you know this 
 hand ? 
 
 Ifab. As I fufpedled hand do you call it, Sir ? 'Tis 
 fome fchool-boy's fcraul. 
 
 Patch. Oh invention ! thou chamber-maid's beft 
 friend, affift me. 
 
 Sir Jea. Are you fure you don't underftand it ? 
 
 [Patch feels in her bofom, and Jbakes her coats. 
 Ifab. Do you underftand it, Sir ? 
 Sir Jea. I wifh I did. 
 
 Ifab. Thank Heaven you do not. [Afide.} Then I 
 know no more of it than you do, indeed, Sir. 
 
 Patch. O Lord ! O Lord ! what have you done, Sir ? 
 Why the paper is mine, I dropt it out of my bofom. 
 
 \Snatcbing it from him. 
 Sir Jea. Ha ! >your's, miftrefs ? 
 Ifab. What does fhe mean by owning it ? [dfide* 
 Patch. Yes, Sir, it is. 
 Sir Jea. What is it ? fpeak ! 
 
 Patch. Yes, Sir, it is a charm for the tooth-ach I 
 have worn it thefe feven years ; 'twas given me by an 
 angel for aught I know, when I was raving with the 
 pain ; for nobody knew from whence he came, nor whi- 
 ther he went : He charg'd me never to open it, left fome 
 dire vengeance befal me, and Heaven knows what will 
 be the event. Oh ! cruel misfortune, that I Ihould 
 drop it, and you mould open it If you had not open'd 
 
 it 
 
 Ifab, Excellent wench ! [^Wfc.' 
 
 ' Sir
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 47 
 
 Sir Jea. Pox of your charms and whims for me j if 
 that be all, 'tie well enough j there, there, burn it, and 
 I warrant you no vengeance will follow. 
 
 Patch. So, all's right again thus far. [AJide. 
 
 Ifab. I would not lofe Patch for the world I'll take 
 courage a little. [Afide.] Is this ufage for your daughter, 
 Sir ? Muft my virtue and conduct be fufpedled for every 
 trifle ? You immure me like forae dire offender here, 
 and deny me all the recreations which my fex enjoy, 
 and the cuftom of the country ' and modefly ' allow ; 
 yet not content with that, you make my confinement 
 more intolerable by your miftrufts and jealoufies ; wou'd 
 I were dead, fo I were free from this. 
 
 Sir Jea.. To-morrow rids you of this tirefome load ; 
 Don Diego Babinetto will be here, and then my care 
 ends, and his begins. 
 
 Ifab. Is he come, then ? Oh how mall I avoid this 
 hated marriage ? \_AJide. 
 
 Enter Servants with flipper. 
 
 Sir Jea. Come, will you fit down ? 
 
 Ifab. I can't eat, Sir. 
 
 Patch. No, I dare fwear he has given her fupper 
 enough. I wilh I could get iato the clofet. \_Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. Well, if you can't eat, then give me a fong 
 whilft I do- 
 
 Jfab. I have fuch a cold I can fcarce fpeak, Sir, 
 uch lefs fing. How mail I prevent Charles coming 
 in ? [Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. I hope you have the ufe of your fingers, 
 Madam. Play a tune upon your fpinnet, whilit your 
 woman fings me a fong. 
 
 Patch. I'm as much out of tune as my lady, if he 
 knew all. ' \AftJe. 
 
 Ifab. I fhall make excellent mufic. [Sifs down to play. 
 
 Patch. Really, Sir, J am fo frighted about your open- 
 ing this charm, that I can't remember one fong. 
 
 Sir Jea. Pirn, hang your charm; come, come, fing 
 any thing. 
 
 Patch. Yes, I'm likely to fing, truly. [Ajidt.'} Humph, 
 humph ; blefs me, I cannot raife my voice, my heart 
 pants fo. 
 
 3 Si?
 
 48 THE BUSY BODY, 
 
 Sir Jea. Why, what does your heart pant fo that yo 
 can't play neither ? Pray what key are you in, ha ? 
 Patch. Ah, wou'd the key was turn'd on you once. 
 
 [4**. 
 
 Sir Jea. Why don't you fmg, I fay ? 
 
 Patch. When Madam has put her fpinnet in tune, 
 Sir ; humph ; humph 
 
 Ifab. I cannot play, Sir, whatever ails me. [Rifing. 
 
 Sir Jea. Zounds, fit down, and play me a tune, or 
 I'll break the fpinnet about your ears. 
 
 Ifab. What will become of roe ? [Sits down and plays. 
 
 Sir Jea. Come, miftrefs. [To Patch. 
 
 Patch. Yes, Sir. [Sings, but horridly out of tune. 
 
 Sir Jea. Hey, hejr, why you are a-top of the houfe, 
 and you are down in'the cellar. What is the meaning 
 cf this ? Is it on purpofe to crofs me, ha ? 
 
 Patch. Pray, Madam, take it a little lower, I cannot 
 reach that note Nor any note, I fear. 
 
 Ifab. Well begin Oh ! Patch, we (hall be difco- 
 ver'd. 
 
 Patch. I fink with the apprehenfion, Madam Humph, 
 humph [Stags."} [Charles opens the chfet doer. 
 
 Cha. Mufic and finging. 
 
 ' ' Tis thus the bright ctzleftial court above 
 * Beguiles the hours with mujic and with tcire.' 
 Death ! her father there [The women for iek.~\ then I mufl 
 fly' [Exit into the clofet. ~\ [Sir Jealous rifes up haftily, 
 feeing Charles flip back into the clofet. 
 
 Sirjea. Hell and furies, a man in the clofet ! 
 
 Patch. Ah ! a ghoit, a ghoft ! he muft not enter 
 
 the clofet [Ifabinda throws her/elf down before the 
 
 <lofet door, as in ajkvoon. 
 
 Sjrjea. The devil ! I'll make a ghoft of him, I war- 
 rant you. [Strives to get by. 
 
 Patch. Oh, hold, Sir, have a care, you'll tread upon 
 my lady Who waits there ? Bring fome water. Oh ! 
 this comes of your opening the charm : Oh, oh, oh, 
 oh ! [Weeps aloud. 
 
 Sir Jea. I'll charm you, houfewife, here lies the 
 charm that conjur'd this fellow in, I'm fure on't ; come 
 out, you rafcal, do fo : Zounds take her from the door,
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 49 
 
 or I'll fpurn her from it, and break your neck down 
 Hairs. 
 
 Ifab* ' Oh, oh ! where ami? ' He's gone, I heard 
 him leap down. \_djide to Patch. 
 
 Patch. Nay, then let him enter ' here, here, Ma- 
 ' dam, fmell to this ; come give me your hand ; come 
 nearer to the window, the air will do you good.' 
 
 Sir Jea. I wou'd (he were in her grave. Where are 
 you, firrah ? Villain, robber of my honour ! I'll pull 
 you out of your neft. [Goes into the clofst. 
 
 Patch. You'll be miftaken, old gentleman, the bird 
 is flown. 
 
 Ifab. I'm glad I have 'fcap'd fo well. I was almoft 
 dead in earnett with the fright. 
 
 Re-enter Sir Jealous out of the clofet. 
 
 Sir Jea. Whoever the dog were, he has efcap'd out 
 of the window, for the fafh is up. But tho' he is got 
 out of my reach, you are not : And firft, Mrs. Pander, 
 with your charms for the tooth-.ach, get out of my 
 houfe, go, troop ; yet hold, flay, I'll fee you out of my 
 doors myfelf, but I'll fecure your charge ere I go. 
 
 Ifab. What do you mean, Sir ? Was me not a crea- 
 ture of your own providing ? 
 
 Sir Jea. She was of the devil's providing, for aught 
 I know. 
 
 Patch. What have I done, Sir, to merit your difplea- 
 fure ? 
 
 Sir Jea. I don't know which of you have done it; 
 but you fhall both fuffer for it, till I can difcover whofe 
 guilt it is : Go, get in there : I'll move you from this 
 iide of the houfe. {Pujhes Ifabinda in at the door, and 
 locks it ; puts the key in his pocket. ,] I'll keep the key my- 
 felf; I'll try what ghofl will get into that room. And 
 now, forfooth, I'll wait on you down flairs. 
 
 Patch. Ah, my poor lady down flairs, Sir! But 
 
 I won't go out, Sir, till I have look'd up my clothes. 
 
 Sir Jea. If thou wert as naked as thou wert born, thou 
 fliou'dil not flay to put on a fmock. Come along, I 
 fay ; when your miflrefs is marry'd, you fhall have your 
 and every thing that belongs to you ; but till 
 
 n [Exit, pulling her out, 
 
 VOL. I. C Patch.
 
 50 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Patch. Oh ! barbarous ufage, for nothing ! 
 
 Re-enter at the Imver end. 
 
 Sir Jea. There, go, and come no more within fight 
 of my habitation, thefe three days, I charge you. 
 
 [Slaps the door after her. 
 Patch. Did ever any body fee fuch an old monfter,? 
 
 Enter Charles. 
 
 Patch. Oh ! Mr. Charles, your affairs and mine are 
 in an ill pofture. 
 
 Cha. I am inur'd to the frowns of Fortune : But 
 what has befallen thee ? 
 
 Patch. Sir Jealous, whofe fufpicious nature's always 
 on the watch ; nay, even while one eye lleeps, the other 
 keeps centinel ; upon fight of you, flew into fuch a vio- 
 lent paffion, that J cou'd find no ftratagem to appeafe 
 him ; but, in fpite of all arguments, lock'd his 
 daughter into his own apartment, and turn'd me out of 
 doors. 
 
 Cba. Ha ! O Jfabinda ! 
 
 Patch. And fwears (he fhall neither fee fun nor moon, 
 till fhe is Don Diego Babinetto's wife, who arrived laft 
 night, and is expected with impatience. 
 
 Cha. He dies ; yes, by all the wrongs of love he 
 lhall : here will I plant myfelf, and through my breaft 
 he mail make his pafiage, if he enters. 
 
 Patch. A moft heroic refolution ! There might be 
 ways found out more to your advantage. Policy is often 
 preferred to open force. 
 
 Cha. I apprehend you not. 
 
 Patch. What think you of perfonnting this Spaniard, 
 impofing upon the father, and marrying your miltrefs 
 by his own <:onfent ? 
 
 Cba. Say 'it thou fo, my angel ! Oh, cou'd that be 
 done, my life to come wou'd be too fhort to recompenfe 
 thee ! But how can I do that, when I neither know what 
 (hip he came in, nor from what part of Spain ; who re- 
 commends him, or how attended ? 
 
 Patch. I can folve all this. He is from Madrid, his 
 father's name Don Pedro Quefto Portento Babinetto. 
 Here's a Utter of his to Sir Jealous, which he dropt one 
 
 day !
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 5 , 
 
 day! You underftand Spanifli, and the hand may be 
 counterfeited. You conceive me, Sir ? 
 
 Cha. My better Genius, thou haft reviv'd my droop- 
 ing foul : I'll about it inftantly. Come to my lodgings, 
 and we'll concert matters. \Exeun. 
 
 SCENE a Garden Gate opex, Scentwell waiting 
 within. 
 
 Enter Sir George Airy. 
 
 Sir Geo. So this is the gate, and moft invitingly open : 
 If there mould be a blunderbufs here now, what ,; 
 dreadful ditty would my fall make for fools ! and what 
 a jeft for the wits ! how my name would be roar'd abouc 
 the ftreets ! Well, I'll venture all. 
 
 Scent--w. Hift, hift ! Sir George Airy [Enters. 
 
 Sir Geo. A female voice ! Thus far I'm fafe. My 
 dear. 
 
 Scenfw. No, I'm not your dear; but I'll conduct you 
 to her ; give me your hand : you muft go thro* many 
 a dark paflage and dirty ftep before you arrive 
 
 Sir Geo. I know I mult before I arrive at paradife ; 
 therefore be quick, my charming guide. 
 
 Scent. For aught you know; come, come, your hand, 
 and away. 
 
 Sir Geo. Here, here, child, you can't be half fo fwift 
 as .my defires. [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE the Houfe. 
 E-nter Miranda. 
 
 Mir an. Well, let me reafon a little with my mad felf. 
 Now don't I tranfgrefs all rules, to venture upon a man 
 without the advice of the grave and wife ? But then a 
 rigid knavifh Guardian, who would have marry'd me ! 
 To whom ? Even to his naufeous felf, or nobody. Sir 
 George is what I have try'd in converfation, inquir'd 
 into his character, and am fatisfied in both. Then hi> 
 love! Who would have given a hundred pounds only to 
 have feen a woman he had not infinitely lov'd ! So 1 
 C 2 fiad
 
 2 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 find my liking him has furnim'd me with arguments 
 enough of his fide ; and now the only doubt remains, 
 whether he will come or no. 
 
 Enter Scentwell. 
 
 Scent=w. That's refolv'd, Madam ; for here's the 
 knight. [Exit Scentw. 
 
 Sir Geo. And do I once more behold that lovely ob- 
 jecl, whofe idea nils my mind, and forms my pleafing 
 dreams ! 
 
 Miran. What, beginning again in heroics ! Sir 
 
 George, don't you remember how little fruit your laft 
 prodigal oration produc'd ? not one bare fingle word 
 in anfwer. 
 
 Sir Geo, Ha ! the voice of my Incognita ! Why 
 
 did you take ten thoufand ways to captivate a heart 
 your eyes alone had vanquifti'd ? 
 
 Miran. ' Pr'ythee,' no more of thefe flights ; ' for our 
 ' time's but mort, and we mufl fall to bufmefs:' Do 
 you think we can agree on that fame terrible bugbear, 
 Matrimony, without heartily repenting on both fides ? 
 
 Sir Geo. It has been my wifh fince firft my longing 
 eyes beheld you. 
 
 ' Miran. And your happy ears drank in the pleafing 
 
 news, I had thirty thoufand pounds. 
 
 ' Sir Geo. Unkind ! Did not I offer you in thofepur- 
 ' chas'd minutes to run the rifle of your fortune, fo you 
 4 wou'd but fecure that lovely perfon to my arms? 
 
 ' Miran. Well, if you have fuch love and tender- 
 ' nefs, (fince -Our wooing has been fhort) pray referve 
 ' it for our future days, to let the world fee we are 
 
 * lovers after wedlock : 'twill be a novelty ' 
 
 Sir Geo. Hafte, then, and let us tie the knot, and 
 prove the envy'd pair 
 
 Miran. Hold ! not fo faft ! I have provided better 
 than* to venture on dangerous experiments headlong 
 My Guardian, trufling to my diflembled love, has given 
 up my fortune to my own difpofal ; but with this pro- 
 vifo, that he to-morrow morning weds me. He is now 
 gone to Doftors Commons for a licence. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha ! a licence ! 
 
 Miran.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 53 
 
 Miran. But I have planted emifTaries that will infal- 
 libly take him down to Epfom, under pretence that a 
 brother ufurer of his is to make him his executor : the 
 thing on earth he covets. 
 
 Sir Geo. 'Tis his known character. 
 
 Miran. Now my inflruments confirm him this man is 
 dying, and he fends me word he goes this minute ; it 
 mult be to-morrow ere he can be undeceiv'd. That 
 time is ours. 
 
 Sir Geo. Let us improve it, then, and fettle on our 
 coming years, endlefs, endlcfs happinefs ! 
 
 Miran. I dare not Itir till I hear he's on the road 
 then I, and my writings, the molt material point, are 
 loon remov'd. 
 
 Sir Geo. 1 have one favour to afk, if it lies in your 
 power : you wou'd be a friend to poor Charles, tho' the 
 ion of this tenacious man : he is as free from all his 
 vices as nature and a good education can make him ; and , 
 what now I have vanity enough to hope will induce 
 you, he is the man on earth I love. 
 
 Miran. I never was his enemy, and only put it on as 
 it help'd my defigns on his father. If his u/icle's eftate 
 ought to be in his poffeffion, which I fhrewdly fufpcft, 
 I may do him a fmgular piece of fervice. 
 
 Sir Geo. You are all goodnefs. 
 
 Enter Scentvvell. 
 
 Scent. Oh, Madam ! my mailer and Mr. Marplot 
 are juft coming into the houfe. 
 
 Miran. Undone, undone ! if he finds you here in 
 this crifis, all my plots are unravell'd. 
 
 Sir Geo. What fliall I do? can't I get back into the 
 garden ? 
 
 Scentiu. Oh, no ! he comes up thofe Itairs. 
 
 Miran. Here, here, here ! can you condefcend to 
 ftand behind this chimney-board, Sir George? 
 
 Sir Geo. Any where, any where, dear Madam, with- 
 out ceremony. 
 
 Scent-w. Come, come, Sir ; lie clofe 
 
 [They put him behind the chimney-board. 
 
 C 3 Enter
 
 54 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Enter Sir Francis and Marplot ; Sir Francis peeling an 
 Orange. 
 
 Sir Fran. I could not go, though 'tis upon life and 
 death, without taking leave of dear Chargee. Befides, 
 this fellow buze'd into my cars, that thoa might'ft be 
 fo defperate as to {hoot that wild rake which haunts the 
 garden-gate ; and that would bring us into trouble, 
 dear 
 
 Miran. So Marplot brought you back, then ; I am 
 oblig'd to him for that, I'm fure. 
 
 [Frowning at Marplot afede. 
 
 Marpl. By her looks fhe means me is not oblig'd to 
 me. I have done fome mifchief now ; but what, I 
 can't imagine. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, Chargee, I have had three me (Ten - 
 pers to come to Epfom to my neighbour Squeezum's, 
 who, for all his vaft riches, is departing. [Sighs. 
 
 Marpl. Ay, fee what all you ufurers muft come to. 
 
 Sir Fran. Peace, you young knave ! Some forty years 
 l.ence I may think on't But, Chargee, I'll be with thee 
 to-morrow, before thofe pretty eyes are open ; I will, I 
 
 will, Chargee, I'll roufe you, i'faith. Here, Mrs. 
 
 .Scentwell, lift up your lady's chimney-board, that I 
 may throw my peel in, and not litter her chamber. 
 
 Miran. Omyltars! what will becomeof us now? [AJlde. 
 
 Scentw. Oh, pray, Sir, give it me : 1 love it above all 
 things in nature ; indeed I do. 
 
 Sir Fran. No, no, huffy; you have the green-pip 
 already ; I'll have no apothecary's bills. 
 
 [Goes towards the chimney. 
 
 Miran. Hold, hold, hold, dear Gardee, I have a, a, 
 a, a, a, monkey, fhut up there; and if you open it be- 
 fore the man comes that is to tame it, 'tis fo wild, 'twill 
 brea'k all my china, or get away, and that would break 
 my heart ; for I'm fond on't to diftraftion, next thee, 
 tJear Gardee. [In a flattering tone. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, well, Chargee, I won't open it ; fhe 
 fhall have her monkey, poor rogue; here, throw this 
 peel out of the window. [Exit Scentwell. 
 
 Marpl, A monkey, dear Madam, let me fee it : I
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 55 
 
 van tame a monkey as well as the belt of them all. 
 Oh ! how I love the little miniatures of man ! 
 
 Miran. Be quiet, Mifchief, and Hand farther from 
 
 the chimney You mall not fee my monkey - 
 
 why fare [Striving with him. 
 
 Marpl. For heav'n's fake, dear MaJarn, let me buc 
 peep, to fee if it be as pretty as mylady Fiddle Faddle's. 
 Has it got a chain ? 
 
 Miran. Not yet ; but I defign it one mall laft its 
 life-time: nay, you mall not fee it ^ Look, Gardee, 
 how he teazes me ! 
 
 Sir Fran. [Getting between him and the chimney. ~\ Sir- 
 rah, Sirrah, let my Chargee's monkey alone, or Bam- 
 boo mall fly about your ears. What ! is there no 
 dealing with you ? 
 
 Marpl. Pugh, pox of the monkey ! here's a rout : 
 I wifh he may rival you. 
 
 Enter a Servant. 
 
 Serv. Sir, they have put two more horfes in the 
 coach, as you order'd, and 'tis ready at the door. 
 
 Sir Fran. Well, I am going to be executor ; better 
 
 for thee, jewel. B'ye, Chargee, one bufs ! I'm 
 
 glad thou haft got a monkey to divert thee a little. 
 
 Miran. Thank'e, dear Gardee Nay, I'll fee 
 
 you to the coach. 
 
 Sir Fran. That's kind, adod. 
 
 Miran. Come along, impertinence. [To Marplot. 
 
 Marpl. [Stepping back.~\ Egad, I will fee the monkey 
 now. [Lifts up the board, and difco-~vers Sir George. 1 O) 
 Lord ! O Lord ! thieves! thieves ! murder! 
 
 Sir Geo. Dam'ye, you unlucky dog! 'tis I: which 
 way mall I get out ? mew me inftantly, or I'll cut your 
 throat. 
 
 Marpl. Undone, undone ! at that door there. But 
 hold, hold, break that china, and I'll bring you off. 
 
 [He runs off at the corner, and throws downjline china. 
 Re-enter Sir Francis, Miranda, and Scentwell. 
 
 Sir Fran. Mercy on me ! what's the matter ? 
 
 Miran. Oh you toad ! what have you done ? 
 
 Marpl. No great harm ; I beg of you to forgive me. 
 C 4 Longing
 
 5 5 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Longing to fee the monkey, I did but juft raife up the 
 hoard, and it flew over ray flioulders, fcratch'd all my 
 face, broke yon china, and whifk'd out of the win- 
 dow. 
 
 Sir Fran, Was ever fuch an unlucky rogue ! Sirrah, 
 I forbid you my houfe. Call the fervants to get the 
 monkey again : I wou'd ftay mylelf to look it, but that 
 you know my earneit buiinefs. 
 
 Scent-TM. Oh my lady will be the beft to lure it back ; 
 nil them creatures love my lady extremely. 
 
 Miran. Go, go, dear Gardee, I hope I fnall recover 
 it. 
 
 Sir Fran. B'ye, b'ye, Dearee. Ah, Mifchief, how 
 you look now ! b'ye, b'ye. [Exit. 
 
 Miran. Scentwell, fee him in the coach, and bring 
 me word. 
 
 Seentw. Yes, Madam. 
 
 Miran. So, Sir, you have done your friend a flgnal 
 piece of fervice, I fuppofe. 
 
 Marpl. Why look you, Madam, if I have committed 
 a fault, thank yourfelf ; no man is more ferviceable when 
 i am let into a fecret, and none more unlucky at finding 
 it out. Who cou'd divine your meaning ? when you 
 talk'd of a blunderbufs, who thought of a rendezvous? 
 and when you talk'd of a monkey, who the devil dreamt 
 of Sir George ? 
 
 Miran. A fign you converfe but little with our fex, 
 when you can't reconcile contradictions. 
 Enter Scentwell. 
 
 Scentnv. He's gone, Madam, as fall as the coach and 
 fix can carry him 
 
 Enter Sir George. 
 
 Sir Geo. Then I may appear. 
 
 Marpl. Dear Sir George, make my peace ! On my 
 fbul, I did not think of you. 
 
 Sir Geo. I dare fwear thou didft not. Madam, I beg 
 you to forgive him. 
 
 Miran. Well, Sir George, if he can be fecret. 
 
 Marpl. Ods heart, Madam, I'm as fecret as a pried, 
 when I'm trufted. 
 
 Sir Geo
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 57 
 
 Sir Geo. Why 'tis with a prieft our bufmefs is at 
 prefent. 
 
 Scenfw. Madam, here's Mrs. Ifabinda's woman to 
 wait on you. 
 
 Miran. Bring her up. 
 
 Enter Patch. 
 How do ye, Mrs. Patch ? What news from your lady? 
 
 Patch. That's for your private ear, Madam. Sir 
 George, there's a friend of yours has an urgent occa- 
 fion for your afliftance. 
 
 Sir Geo. His name, 
 
 Patch, Charles. 
 
 Marpl. Ha ! then there's fomething a foot that I 
 know nothing of. I'll wait on you, Sir George. 
 
 Sir Geo, A third perfon may not be proper, perhaps ; 
 as foon as I have difpatched my own affairs, I am at 
 his fervioe : I'll fend my fervant to tell him I'll wait 
 upon him in half an hour. 
 
 Miran. How came you employed in this mefl'age, 
 Mrs. Patch ? 
 
 Patch. Want of bufinefs, Madam : I am difcharged 
 by my mailer, but hope to ferve my lady ftill. 
 
 Miran. How ! difcharged ! you muft tell me the 
 whole ftory within. 
 
 Patch. With all my heart, Madam. 
 
 Marpl. Pifh ! Pox, I wifh I were fairly out of the 
 houfe. I find marriage is the end of this fecret : And 
 now I am half mad to know what Charles wants him 
 for. {Afide. 
 
 Sir Geo. Madam, I'm doubly prefs'd by love and 
 friendfhip : this exigence admits of no delay. Shall we 
 make Marplot of the party ? 
 
 Miran. If you'll run the hazard, Sir George; I be- 
 lieve he means well. 
 
 Marpl. Nay, nay, for my part, I defire to be let into 
 nothing ; I'll be gone, therefore pray don't miltruft 
 me. [Going. 
 
 Sir Geo. So, now he has a mind to be gone to Charles : 
 
 ' but not knowing what affairs he may have upon his 
 
 * hands at prefent,' I'm refolv'd he (han't ftir. No, 
 
 C 5 Mr.
 
 5 8 THE BUSY feODY. 
 
 Mr. Marplot, you muft not leave us, we want a third 
 perfon . [ Takes bold of him . 
 
 Marpl. I never had more mind to be gone in my 
 life. 
 
 Miran. Come along then : if we fail in the voyage, 
 thank yourfelf for taking this ill-ftarr'd gentleman on 
 board . 
 
 Sir Geo. That 'VfJJel ne'er can unfuccefsful prove, 
 
 Whofe freight is beauty, and ivhofe pilot' s Love. 
 
 The End of the FOURTH ACT. 
 
 A C T V. S C E N E Sir Francis Gripe'/;. 
 Enter Miranda, Patch, and Scentwell. 
 
 Miran. TT7ELL, Patch, I have done a flrange 
 VV bold thing: my fate is determin'd, 
 and expectation is no more. Now, to avoid the imper- 
 tinence and roguery of an old man, I have thrown 
 myferf into the extravagance of a young one : if he 
 ihould defpife, flight, or ufe me ill, there's no remedy 
 from a hufband but the grave ; and that's a terrible 
 iandtuary to one of my age and conftitution. 
 
 Patch. O ! fear not, Madam, you'll find your ac- 
 count in Sir George Airy : it is impoffible a man of 
 fcnfe fhould ufe a woman ill, endued with beauty, 
 nit, and fortune. It muft be the lady's fault, if me 
 xices not wear the unfafhionable name of wife eafy, 
 when nothing but complaifance and good humour is 
 requifite on either fide to make them happy. 
 
 Miran. I long till 1 am out of this houfe, left any 
 accident fhould bring my guardian back. Scentwell, 
 pat my beft jewels into the little caflcet, flip them into 
 .c.iy pocket, and let us march off to Sir Jealous's. 
 
 Scent. Itfhall be done, Madam. [Exit Scentwell. 
 
 Patch. Sir George will be impatient, Madam : if 
 their plot fucceeds, we fhall be well received ; if not, 
 
 he
 
 THE BUSYBODY. 59 
 
 he will be able to prote& us. Befides, I long to know 
 how my young lady fares. 
 
 Miran. Farewel, old Mammon, and thy detefled 
 walls : 'twill be no more, fvveet Sir Francis ; I fhall 
 be compell'd to the odious taflc of diflembling no 
 longer to get my own, and coax him with the wheed- 
 ling names of my Precious, my Dear, dear Gardee. 
 O heavens ! 
 
 Enter Sir Francis behind. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ah ! my fweet Chargee, don't be frighted. 
 [She ftarts.~\ But thy poor Gardee has been abus'd, 
 cheated, fool'd, betray' d. But nobody knows by 
 whom. 
 
 Miran. Undone! paft redemption. [AJide. 
 
 Sir Fran. What! won't you fpeak tome, Chargee ? 
 
 Miran. I am fo furpriz'd with joy to fee you, I 
 know not what to fay. 
 
 Sir Fran. Poor dear girl ! but do ye know that my 
 fon, or fome fuch rogue, to rob or murder me, or both, 
 contriv'd this journey ? for upon the road I met my 
 neighbour Squeezum well, and coming to town. 
 
 Miran. Good lack '.good lack ! what tricks are there 
 in this world ! 
 
 Enter Scentwell, <with a diamond necklace in her hand, 
 not feeing Sir Francis. 
 
 Scentnv. Madam, be pleas'd to tie this necklace on, 
 for I can't get into the [Seeing Sir Francis. 
 
 Miran. The wench is a fool, I think ! Could you not 
 have carried it to be mended, without putting it in the 
 box ? 
 
 Sir Fran. What's the matter ? 
 
 Miran. Only, Dearee, I bid her, I bid her Your 
 
 ill ufoge has put every thing out of my head. But won't 
 you go, Gardee, and find out thefe fellows, and have 
 them punifhed : and, and 
 
 Sir Fran. Where mould I look them, child ? No, I'll 
 fit me down contented with my fafety, nor itir out ot 
 my own doors, till I go with thee to a parfon. 
 
 Miran. [djide.~\ If he goes into his clofct, I am ruin'd. 
 Oh ! blefs me, in this fright I had forgot Mrs. Patch. 
 C 6
 
 60 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Patch. Ay, Madam, and I flay for your fpeedy an- 
 fwer. 
 
 Miran. [4/ide.] I muft get him out of the houfe. 
 Now aflift me, Fortune. 
 
 Sir Fran. Mrs. Patch, I profefs I did not fee you : How 
 doft thou do, Mrs. Patch ? Well, don't you repent 
 leaving my Chargee ? 
 
 Patch. Yes, every body muft love her but I come 
 
 now Madam, what did I come for ? My invention 
 
 is at the lafl ebb. [JJide to Miranda. 
 
 Sir Fran. Nay, never whifper : tell me. 
 
 Miran. She came, dear Gardee, to invite me to her 
 lady's wedding, and you mall go with me, Gardee : 'tis 
 to be done this moment to a Spanifh merchant. Old 
 Sir Jealous keeps on his humour; the nrit minute he 
 fees her, the next he marries her. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! I'd go if I thought the fight 
 of matrimony wou'd tempt Chargee to perform her pro- 
 inife : there was a fmile, there was a confenting look 
 with thofe pretty twinklers, worth a million. Ods 
 precious, I am happier than the Great Mogul, the 
 Emperor of China, or all the potentates that are not 
 in wars. Speak, confirm it, make me leap out of my 
 ficin. 
 
 Miran. When one has refolv'd, 'tis in vain to Hand, 
 mall I ? fhall I ? if ever I marry, pofitively this is my 
 wedding day. 
 
 Sir Fran. O happy, happy man ! > Verily I 
 
 will beget a fon the firft night mall difinherit that dog 
 Charles. I have eftate enough to purchafe a ba- 
 rony, and be the immortalizing the whole family of the 
 Gripes. 
 
 Miran. Come then, Gardee, give me thy hand: let's 
 to this houfe of Hymen. 
 
 My choice is Jixt, let good or ill betide ; 
 Sir Fran. The joyful bridegroom /, 
 Miran. And / the happy bride. [Exeunt. 
 
 Enter Sir Jealous, meeting a fervant. 
 Srrv. Sir, here's a couple of gentlemen enquire 
 3 * r
 
 THE BUSY BODY. Oi 
 
 for you : one of them calls himfelf Signior Diego Ba- 
 binetto. 
 
 Sir Jea. Ha! Signior Babinetto ! Admit 'em inftantly 
 Joyful minute ! I'll have my daughter marry'd to- 
 night. 
 
 Enter Charles in a Spanijh habit, 'with Sir George dreji 
 like a merchant. 
 
 Sir Jea. Senior, befo las manos vueftra merced ts muy 
 lien venido en efta tierra. 
 
 Cha. Senior, foy muy humilde, y muy obligado Cryado 
 de --vueftra merced : mi padre embia a vueftra merced, los 
 mas profcndos de /us refpetos j y a cimmijfionada efte Mer- 
 cadel Ingles, de concluyr un negocio, que me haze el mas 
 dichofo hombre del mundo, baziendo me fuyerno. 
 
 Sir Jea, I am glad on't, for I find I have loft much 
 of my Spanifh. Sir, I am your moft humble fervant. 
 Signior Don Diego Babinetto has informed me, that you 
 are commiflion'd by Signior Don Pedro, &c. his worthy 
 father 
 
 Sir Geo. To fee. an affair of marriage confummated 
 between a daughter of yours and Signior Diego Babi- 
 netto his fon here. True, Sir, fuch a truft is repos'd 
 in me, as that letter will inform you. I hope 'twill 
 pafs upon him. [AJide.~\ [Gives him a letter. 
 
 Sir Jea. Ay, 'tis his hand'. [See/m to read. 
 
 Sir Geo. Good you have counterfeited to a nicety, 
 Charles. \_Jfide to Charles. 
 
 Cha. If the whole plot fucceeds as well, I'm happy. 
 
 Sir Jea. Sir, I find by this, that you are a man of 
 honour and probity : I think, Sir, he calls you Mean- 
 well. 
 
 Sir Geo. Meanwell is my name, Sir. 
 
 Sir Jea. A very good name, and very fignificant. 
 
 Cha. Yes, faith, if he knew all. \Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. For to mean well is to be honeft, and to be 
 honeft is the virtue of a friend, and a friend is the de- 
 light and fupport of human fociety. 
 
 Sir Geo. You mall find that I'll difcharge the part of 
 a friend in what J have undertaken, Sir Jealous. 
 
 Cha.
 
 fo THE BUSY BODY:- 
 
 Cba. But little does he think to whom. [Afide. 
 
 Sir Geo. Therefore, Sir, I mult in treat the prefence of 
 your fair daughter, ;inJ the afllitance of your chaplain ; 
 for Signior Don Pedro llrictly enjoin 'd me to lee the 
 marriage rites perform'd as foon as we fhould arrive, to 
 avoid the accidental overtures of Venug. 
 
 Sir yea. Overtures of Venus ! 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay, Sir; that is, thofe little hawking females 
 that traverfe the Park and the Play-houfe, to put oft" 
 their damag'd ware They fallen upon foreigners like 
 leeches, and watch their arrival as carefully as the Ken- 
 tilh men do a fhipwreck. I warrant you they have 
 heard of him already. 
 
 Sir Jea. Nay, I know this town fwarms with them. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay, and then you know the Spaniards are 
 naturally amorous, but very conftant : the firft face fixes 
 'em ; and it may be very dangerous to let him ramble 
 ere he is tied. 
 
 Cba. Well hinted. \Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. Pat to my purpofe Well, Sir, there is but 
 one thing more, and they mail be married in- 
 ftantly. 
 
 Cba. Pray Heaven that one thing more don't fpoil 
 all ! \Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea, Don Pedro writ me word, in his laft but one, 
 that he defign'd the fum of five thoufand crowns by 
 way of jointure for my daughter ; and that it mould 
 be paid into my hand upon the day of marriage. 
 
 Cba. Oh ! the Devil. [Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. In order to ledge it in fome of our funds, 
 in cafe Ihe mould become a widow, and return for 
 England. 
 
 Sir Geo. Pox on't, this is an unlucky turn. What 
 fliall I fay ? [Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. And he does not mention one word of it in 
 this letter. 
 
 Cba. I don't know how he fhould. 
 
 Sir Geo. Humph ! True, Sir Jealous, he told me fuch 
 a thing, but, but, but, but he, he, he, he he did 
 not imagine that you would infill upon the very day ; 
 
 for,
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 63 
 
 for, for, for money, you know, is dangerous returning 
 by fea, an, an, an, an 
 
 Cka. Zounds, fay we have brought it in commodities. 
 [AJide to Sir George. 
 
 Sir Geo. And fo, Sir, he has fent it in merchandize, 
 tobacco, fugars, fpiccs, lemons, and fo forth, which fhall 
 be turn'd into money \vith all expedition : in the mean 
 time, Sir, if you pleafe to accept of my bond for per- 
 formance 
 
 Sir Jea. It is enough, Sir : I am fo pleas'd with the 
 countenance of Signior Diego, and the harmony of your 
 name, that I'll take your word,, and will fetch my 
 daughter this moment. Within there ! [Enter /errant.] 
 Defire Mr. Tackum, my neighbour's chaplain, to walk 
 hither. 
 
 Serv. Yes, Sir. [Exit. 
 
 Sir Jea. Gentlemen, I'll return in an inftant. [Exit* 
 
 Cha. Wond'rous well, let me embrace thee. 
 
 Sir Geo. Egad that five thoufand crowns had like to 
 have ruined the plot. 
 
 Cha. But that's over ! And if Fortune throws no more 
 rubs in our way 
 
 Sir Geo. Thou'lt carry the prize But hift, here he 
 comes. 
 
 Enter Sir Jealous, dragging in Ifabinda. 
 
 Sir Jea. Come along, you ilubborn baggage you, 
 come along. 
 
 Ifab. Oh, hear me, Sir! hear me but fpeak one>word! 
 Do not deftroy my everlaiUng peace : 
 My foul abhors this Spaniard you have chofe, 
 Nor can I wed him without being curft. 
 
 Sir Jea. How's that ! 
 
 Ifab. Let this pofture move your tender nature. 
 
 [Kneels. 
 
 For ever will I hang upon thefe knees, 
 Nor loofe my hands till you cut off my hold, 
 If you refufe to hear me, Sir. 
 
 Cha. Oh ! that I could difcover myfelf to her ! [djide. 
 
 Sir Geo. Have a care what you do. You had better 
 truft to his obftinacy. [AJule. 
 
 Sir Jea.
 
 64 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Sir yea. Did you ever fee fuch a perverfe flut ? Off, I 
 fay. Mr. Meanwell, pray help me a little. 
 
 Sir Geo. Rife, Madam, and do not difoblige your 
 father, who has provided a hufband worthy of you, one 
 that will love you equal with his foul, and one that yoa 
 will love, when once you know him. 
 
 Ifab. Oh ! never, never. 
 Could I fufpeft that falfehood in my heart, 
 I would this moment tear it from my breaft, 
 And ftraight prefent him with the treacherous part. 
 
 Cha. O my charming, faithful dear ! [Afide. 
 
 Sir Jea. Falfliood ! Why, who the devil are you in 
 love with ? Don't provoke me, for by St. lago I mall 
 beat you, houfewife. 
 
 Cha. Heaven forbid ! for I fhall infallibly difcover 
 myfelf if he mould. 
 
 Sir Geo. Have patience, Madam ! and look at him : 
 Why will ye prepofTefs yourfelf againft a man that is 
 matter of all the charms you would defire in a hufband ? 
 
 Sir yea. Ay, look at him, Ifabinda : Senior pafe <vinzi 
 adelante. 
 
 Cha. My heart bleeds to fee her grieve, whom I ima-- 
 gin'd would with joy receive me. Seniora obligue me 
 muejlra merced de fu mono. 
 
 Sir yea. \Pulling up her bead.~\ Hold up your head, 
 hold up your head, huffy, and look at him : Is there a 
 properer, handfomer, better- fhap'd fellow in England', 
 ye jade you ? Hal fee, fee the obftinate baggage (huts 
 her eyes : by St. lago, I have a good mind to beat 'em 
 out. [ Pujhes her down. 
 
 Ifab. Do, then, Sir, kill me, kill me inltantly. 
 'Tis much the kinder aftion of the two ; 
 For 'twill be worfe than death to wed him. 
 
 Sir Geo. Sir Jealous, you are too paffionate. Give me 
 leave, I'll try, by gentle words, to work her to your 
 purpofe. 
 
 Sir yea. I pray do, Mr. Meanwell, I pray do : fhe'll 
 break my heart. \WeepsJ\ There is in that, jewels of 
 the value of three thousand pounds, which were her 
 mother's, and a paper wherein I have fettled one half 
 
 of
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 65 
 
 of my eftate upon her now, and the whole when I die ; 
 but provided me marries this gentleman ; elfe by St. lago 
 I'll turn her out of doors to beg or flarve. Tell her this, 
 Mr. Meanwell, pray do. \Walks off. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha! this is beyond expectation Truft to me, 
 Sir, I'll lay the dangerous confequenceof difobeying you 
 at this juncture before her, I warrant you. 
 
 Cba. A fuddenjoy runs thro' my heart like a propitious 
 omen. [AJide. 
 
 Sir Gea. Come, Madam, do not blindly caft your life 
 away, jult in the moment you would wifh to fave it. 
 
 Ifab. Pray, ceafe your trouble, Sir ; I have no wifh 
 but fudden death to free me from this hated Spaniard. 
 If you are his friend, inform him what I fay : my heart 
 is given to another youth, whom I love with the fame 
 ftrength of paffion that I hate this Diego; with whom 
 if I am forc'd to wed, my own hand fhall cut the Gor- 
 dian knot. 
 
 Sir Geo. Suppofe this Spaniard, which you flrive to 
 fhun, mould be the very man to whom you'd fly ? 
 
 Ifab. Ha! 
 
 Sir Geo. Would you not blame your ram refolve, and 
 curfe your eyes that would not look on Charles ? 
 
 Ifab. On Charles ! ' Oh, you have infpir'd new life, 
 ' and collected every wandering fenfe.' Where is he? 
 Oh ! let me fly into his arms. \Rifes. 
 
 Sir Geo. Hold, hold, hold. 'Sdeath, Madam, you'll 
 ruin all ; your father believes him to be Signior Babi- 
 netto : compofe yourfelf a little, pray, Madam. 
 
 [He runs to Sir Jealous. 
 
 ' Cba. Her eyes declare flie knows me. [djide? 
 
 Sir Geo. She begins to hear reafon, Sir ; the fear of 
 being turned out of doors has done it. 
 
 [Runs back to Ifabinda. 
 
 < Ifab. 'Tis he ; O my ravifh'd foul ! 
 
 ' Sir Geo. Take heed, Madam, you don't betray your- 
 ' felf. Seem with reluctance to confent, or you are un- 
 ' done ;' [Runs to Sir Jealous.] fpeak gently to her, Sir ; 
 I'm fure flie'll yield ; I fee it in her face. 
 
 Sir yea. Well, Ifabinda, can you refule to blefs a fa- 
 ther,
 
 66 THE BUSY BOOT. 
 
 ther, whofe only care is to make you happy, as Mr. 
 Meanwell has inform'd you ? Come, wipe thy eyes ; 
 nay, pr'ythee do, or thou wilt break thy father's heart : 
 fee, thou bring'ft the tears in mine, to think of thy un- 
 dutiful carriage to me. [Weeps. 
 
 Ifab. Oh ! do not weep, Sir ; your tears are like a 
 poignard to my foul : do with me what you pleafe, I am 
 all obedience. 
 *Sir j^ea. Ha ! then thou art my child again. 
 
 Sir Geo. 'Tis done, and now, friend, the day's thy 
 own. 
 
 Cba. Thehappieft of my life, if nothing intervene. 
 
 Sir Jea. And wilt thou love him ? 
 
 Ifab. I will endeavour it, Sir. 
 
 Enter Servant. 
 
 Serv. Sir, here is Mr. Tackum. 
 
 Sir yea. Shew him into the parlour.* Settlor tome wind 
 fueipora ; cette momenta les junta !es mafias. 
 
 [Giiics her to Char let. 
 
 Cba. ' Oh tranfport !' Senior, yo la recibo eomo fede*ve 
 xn teforo tan grande. ' O my joy, my life, my foul ! ' 
 
 [Embrace. 
 
 ' Ifab. My faithful, everlafting comfort.' 
 Sir Jea. Now, Mr. Meanwell, let's to the parfon, 
 Who> by his art, 'will join this pair for life, 
 Make me the bappiej} father, her the happiejl ivi/e. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 SCENE changes to theftreet before Sir Jealous'/ dear. 
 
 Enter Marplot, folus. 
 
 Mar pi. I have hunted all over the town for Charles, 
 but can't find him ; and by Whifper's fcouting at the 
 end of the ftreet, I fufpefl he muft be in the houTe again. 
 I am inform'd, too, that he has borrowed a Spanilh 
 habit out of the Play Houfe : What can it mean ? 
 
 Enter a Servant of Sir Jealous'/ to him out of the ooufe. 
 Hark'e, Sir, do you belong to this houie ? 
 Serv. Yes, Sir. 
 
 Marpl.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 67 
 
 Marpl. Pray can you tell me if there be a gentleman 
 in it, in a Spanifh habit? 
 
 Serv. There's a Spanifh gentleman within, that is juft 
 a going to marry my young lady, Sir. 
 
 Marpl. Are you fure he is a Spanifh gentleman ? 
 
 Ser<v. I'm fure he fpeaks no Englifh, that I hear of. 
 
 Marpl, Then that can't be him I want ; for 'tis an 
 Englifh gentleman, tho' I fuppofe he may be drefs'd like 
 a Spaniard, that I enquire after. 
 
 Serv. Ha ! Who knows but this may be an impoftor ? 
 I'll inform my mafter; for if he fhould be impos'd upon, 
 he'll beat us all round. [Afede.} Pray, come in, Sir,, 
 and fee if this be the perfon you enquire for. 
 
 SCENE changes to the injide of the boufe.. 
 Enter Marplot. 
 
 Marpl. So, this was a good contrivance : if this be 
 Charles, now he will wonder how I found him out. 
 Enter Servant and Sir Jealous. 
 
 Sir Jea. What is your earned bufinefs, blockhead, 
 that you muft fpeak with me before the ceremony's 
 pail ? Ha ! who's this ? 
 
 Serv. Why, this gentleman, Sir, wants another gen- 
 tleman in a Spanifh habit, he fays. 
 
 Sir Jea. In a Spanifh habit ! 'tis fome friend of Si- 
 nior Don Diego's, I warrant. Sir, I fuppofe you would 
 fpeak with Signior Babinetto 
 
 Marpl. Hey day ! what the Devil docs he fay now! 
 Sir, I don't underftand you. 
 
 Sir Jea. Don't you underftand Spanifh, Sir ? 
 
 Marpl. Not I, indeed, Sir. 
 
 Sir Jea. I thought you had known Signior Babinetto. 
 
 Marpl. Not I, upon my word, Sir. 
 
 Sir 'Jea. What then, you'd fpeak with his friend, the 
 Englifh merchant, Mr. Meanwell ? 
 
 Marpl. Neither, Sir, not I. 
 
 Sir yea. Why, who are you, then, Sir? And what do 
 you want ? [In an angry tone. 
 
 Marpl. Nay, nothing at all, not I, Sir. Pox on him ! 
 I wifh I were out, he b.egins to exalt his voire, I mail 
 be beaten again. 
 
 Sir-
 
 68 THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 Sir Jea. Nothing at all, Sir ! Why, then, what bu- 
 fmefs have you in my houfe ? ha ! 
 
 Ser--v. You faid you wanted a gentleman in a Spanifh 
 habit. 
 
 Marpl. Why, ay, but his name is neither Babinetto 
 nor Meanwell. 
 
 Sir Jea. What is his name, then, firrah ? ha! Now 
 I look at you again, I believe you are the rogue that 
 threatened me with half a dozen myrmidons Speak, 
 Sir, who is it you look for ? or, or- 
 
 Marpl. A terrible old dog! Why, Sir, only, an 
 
 honeft young fellow of my acquaintance I thought 
 that here might be a ball, and that he might have 
 been here in a mafquerade : 'tis Charles, Sir Francis 
 Gripe's fon, becaufe I know he us'd to come hither 
 fometimes. 
 
 Sir Jea. Did he fo ? Not that I know of, I'm fore. 
 Pray heaven that this be Don Diego If I mould be 
 trick'd now 
 Within there! 
 all my fervants 
 dro's fon, ere he has my daughter. 
 
 Marpl. Ha ! Sir George ! What have I done now ? 
 Enter Sir George ivitb a drawn f<word between thefcenes. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha ! Marplot here Oh the unlucky dog 
 What's the matter, Sir Jealous ? 
 
 Sir Jea. Nay, I don't know the matter, Mr. Meanwell. 
 
 Marpl. Upon my foul, Sir George 
 
 [Going up to Sir Gtorge. 
 
 Sir Jea. Nay, then, I'm betray'd, ruin'd, undone : 
 thieves, traytors, rogues ! [Offers to go in.} Stop the 
 marriage, I fay 
 
 Sir Geo. I fay go on, Mr. Tackum. Nay, no en- 
 tering here ; I guard this paflage, old gentleman : the 
 aft and deed were both your own, and I'll fee 'em fign'd, 
 or die for't. 
 
 Enter Servants. 
 
 Sir Jea. A pox on the aft and deed ! Fall on, knock 
 him down. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay, come on, fcoundrels : I'll prick your 
 jackets for you.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 69 
 
 Sir Jea. Zounds, Sirrah, I'll be reveng'd on you. 
 
 [Beats Marplot. 
 
 Sir Geo. Ay, there your vengeance is doe. Ha, ha! 
 
 Marpl. Why, what do you beat me for? I han't 
 marry'd your daughter. 
 
 Sir Jea. Rafcals ! why don't you knock him down ? 
 
 Ser-v. We are afraid of his fword, Sir: if you'll take 
 that from him, we'll knock him down prefently. 
 Enter Charles and Ifabinda. 
 
 Sir Jea. Seize her, then. 
 
 Cba, Rafcals, retire, (he's my wife : touch her if you 
 dare ; I'll make dog's meat of you. 
 
 Sir Jea. Ah ! downright Englifh Oh, oh, oh, oh ! 
 
 Enter Sir Francis Gripe, Miranda, Patch, Scentwell, 
 
 and Whifper. 
 
 Sir Fran. Into the houfe of joy we enter without 
 
 knocking : Ha ! I think 'tis the houfe of forrow, 
 
 Sir Jealous. 
 
 Sir Jea. O Sir Francis ! are you come ? What, was 
 this your contrivance, to abufe, trick, and choufe me 
 out of my child ! 
 
 Sir Fran. My contrivance ! What do you mean ? 
 
 Sir Jea. No, you don't know your fon there in a 
 Spanifh habit ? 
 
 Sir Fran. How ! my fon in a Spanifh habit. Sirrah, 
 you'll come to be hang'd ; get out of fight, ye dog ! 
 get out of my fight. 
 
 Sir Jea. Get out of your fight, Sir ! Get out with 
 your bags : let's fee what you'll give him now to main- 
 tain my daughter on. 
 
 Sir Fran. Give him ! he mall be never the better for 
 a penny of mine and you might have look'd after 
 your daughter better, Sir Jealous. Trick'd, quotha : 
 Egad, I think you defign'd to trick me : But look ye, 
 gentlemen, I believe I (hall trick you both. This lady 
 is my wife, do you fee ? And my eftate mail defcend 
 only to the heirs of her body. 
 
 Sir Geo. Lawfully begotten by me I mall be ex- 
 tremely obliged to you, Sir Francis. 
 
 Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha ! poor Sir George ! You 
 
 fee
 
 7& THE BUSY BODY. 
 
 fee your project was of no ufe. Does not your hundred 
 pound ftick in your llomach ? Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Geo. No, faith, Sir Francis, this lady has given 
 me a cordial for that. [Takes her by the hand. 
 
 Sir Fran. Hold, Sir, you have nothing to fay to this 
 lady. 
 Sir Geo. Nor you nothing to do with my wife, Sir. 
 
 Sir Fran. Wife, Sir ! 
 
 Miran. Ay really, Guardian, 'tis even fo. I hope 
 you'll forgive my firft offence. 
 
 Sir Fran. What have you chous'd me out of my con- 
 fent, and your writings then, miilrefs, ha ! 
 
 Miran. Out of nothing but my own, Guardian. 
 
 Sir Jea. Ha, ha, ha ! 'tis fome comfort at leaft to fee 
 you are over-reach'd as well as myfelf. Will you fettle 
 your eftate upon your fon, now ? 
 
 Sir Fran. He mall ftarve firft. 
 
 Miran. That I have taken care to prevent. There, 
 Sir, are the writings of your uncle's eftate, which have 
 been your due thefe three years. [Gives Charles papers. 
 
 Cba. I mail iludy to deferve this favour. 
 
 S:r Fran. What have you robb'd me too, miilrefs ! 
 Egad I'll make you reftore 'em Huffy, I will fo. 
 
 Sir Jea. Take care I don't make you pay the arrears, 
 Sir. 'Tis well it's noworfe, fmce 'tis no better. Come, 
 young man, feeing thou ha.it outwitted me, take her, 
 and blefs you both. 
 
 Cha. I hope, Sir, you'll bellow your blefling too, 'tis 
 all I'll aflc. [Kneels. 
 
 Sir Fran. Confound you all ! [Exit. 
 
 Marpl. Mercy upon us, how he looks ' 
 
 Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha ! ne'er mind his curfes, Charles ; 
 thou'lt thrive not one jot the worfe for 'em. Since thu 
 gentleman is reconcil'd, we are all made happy. 
 
 Sir Jea. I always lov'd precaution, and took care 
 to avoid dangers. But when a thing was paft, I ever 
 had philofophy to be eafy. 
 
 Cha. Which is the true fign of a great foul ; I lov'd 
 your daughter, and (he me, and you fhall have no rea- 
 fon to repent her choice. 
 
 5 Jjab.
 
 THE BUSY BODY. 71 
 
 Ifab. You will not blame me, Sir, for loving my own 
 country beft. 
 
 Marpl. So here's every body happy, I find, but poor 
 Peelgarlick. I wonder what fatisfaftion I (hall have, for 
 being cuff'd, kick'd, and beaten in your fervice. 
 
 Sir Jea. I have been a little too familiar with you, 
 as things are fallen out ; but fmce there's no help for't, 
 you mull forgive me. 
 
 Marpl. Egad, I think fo but provided that you 
 
 be not fo familiar for the future. 
 
 Sir Gco. Thou haft been an unlucky rogue. 
 
 Marpl. But very honelt. 
 
 Cha. That I'll vouch for ; and freely forgive thee. 
 
 Sir Gco. And I'll do you one piece of fervice more, 
 Marplot. I'll take care that Sir Francis make you mal- 
 tcr of your eftate. 
 
 Marpl. That will make me as happy as any of you. 
 
 Patch. Your humble fervant begs leave to remind 
 you, Mad-m. 
 
 Ifab. Sir, I hope you'll give me leave to take Patch 
 into favour again. 
 
 Sir Jea. Nay, let your hufband look to that, I have 
 done with my care. 
 
 Cha. Her own liberty fhall always oblige me. 
 ' Here's no body bur honeil Whifper and Mrs. Scent- 
 ' well to be pro\ided fcr now. It ffiaii be left to their 
 ' choice to marry, or keep their Services. 
 
 ' Wkifp. Nay then, I'll ilick to my matter. 
 
 ' Scent<u.'. Coxxomb ! and I prefer my lady before a 
 ' footman. 
 
 ' Sir Jea. Hark, I hear the mufic ; the fiddlers fmell 
 
 a wedding. What fay you, young fellows, will you 
 
 have a dance ? 
 
 ' Sir Geo. With all my heart; call 'em in. 
 
 'A DANCE. 
 
 Sir Jea. Now let us in and refrefh ourfelves with a 
 
 tchearful glafs, in which we'll bury all animofities : And 
 
 By my example let all parents mcwe, 1 
 
 And never ftri've to crcfs their children! Icve ; > 
 
 But Jlill fubmit that care to Providence above. j 
 
 E P I-
 
 EPILOGUE. 
 
 7 N me you fee one Bufy Body more ; 
 
 Tho" 1 you may have enough of one before. 
 With Epilogues, the Bufy Body'j Way y 
 We Ji rive to help, but f onetimes mar a play. 
 At this mad fejpons , half condemn d ere try'd, 
 Some, in three days , have been turn 1 d off, and dy 1 d. 
 In fpite of parties their attempts are vain, 
 For, like falfe prophets, they ne'er rife again : 
 Too late, when cajl, your favour one befeeches, 
 And Epilogues prove execution fpeeches . 
 " tfure I fpy no Bufy Bodies here, 
 And one may pafs, Jtnce they do ev'ry where. 
 Sour criticks, time, and breath, and cenfures wafte, 
 And baulk your pleafures, to refine your tajle : 
 One bufy Don ill-tim* d high tenets preaches ; 
 Another yearly Jhows himjelf in fpeeches : 
 Some fniv^ling cits would have a peace for fpigbt, 
 To Jiarve thofe warriors who fo bravely fight ; 
 Still of a foe upon his knees afraid, 
 
 Whofe well banged troops want money, heart, and briad . 
 Old beaux, ic&o none, net e^en themf elves can pler.Je, 
 
 Are bufy Jlill, for nothing but to leaze : 
 
 The young fo bujy, to engage a heart, 
 The mifchief done, are bujy mojl to part : 
 Ungrateful wretches, who Jlill crojs or.e^s will, 
 When they more kindly might be bujy jiill : 
 One to a hufband, who ne'er dreamt of horns, 
 Shews how dear fpoufe with friend his brows adorns : 
 Tb* cjpcious tell-tale fool (he Jhoud repent it) 
 Parts three kind fouls that li-v'd at peace contented: 
 Some with /aiv quirks fet Houfes by the ears ; 
 With pbyjick one what he would heal impairs ; 
 Like that dark mop'dupfry, that neighboring cur/f, 
 Who to remove love's pains bejlow a worfe. 
 Since then this meddling tribe infej} the age t 
 Bear one a while exposed upon the Jl age ; 
 Let none but Bufy Bodies vent their J'pight, 
 And, with good-humour, pleafure croiva the night.
 
 Act//. J50L.D STROKE r OR A Wi r E . 
 
 ' 
 
 mm 
 
 Srfe
 
 A 'BO L D STROKE 
 FOR A WIFE. 
 
 A 
 
 COMEDY, 
 
 WRITTEN BY 
 
 MRS. CENTLIVRE. 
 
 Marked with the Variations of the 
 
 PROMPTOR's BOOK, 
 
 AT THE 
 
 in 
 
 OMNIA VIXCIT AMOR, 
 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR T. LOWNDES, T. CASLGN* 
 W, NICOLL, AND S. BLADON. 
 
 M.DCC.UXVI.
 
 > The Reader is defued to obferve, that the Paflage* 
 omitted in the Reprefentation at the Theatres are bere 
 preferred, and marked with inverted Commas} at in 
 Line 18 to ^^ in Page 11,
 
 T O 
 
 His Grace PHILIP, 
 Duke and Marquis of WHARTON,&c, 
 
 My Lord, 
 
 IT has ever been the cuftom of poets to flicker produc- 
 tions of this nature under the patronage of the bright- 
 e't men of their time; and 'tis obfcrved, that the Mules 
 always met the kindeft reception from perlbns 01 the 
 greateft merit. The world will do me juftice as to the 
 thoice of my patron; but will, I fear, blame my rafh 
 attempt, in daring to addiefs your Grace, and, oflcr at a 
 work too difficult Tor our able-it pens, viz. an encomium 
 on your Grace. 1 have no plea againft Inch reflections, 
 but the disadvantage of education, and the privilege of 
 my fex. 
 
 If your Grace difcovers a genius Co furpiifmg in this 
 dawn of life, what muft your riper years produce ! your 
 Grace has already been dillinguifhed in a moll peculiar 
 manner, being the firit yoifng nobleman that ever was 
 admitted into a Houfe of Peers before he reached the 
 age of one-and-twenty : But your Grace's judgment 
 nnd eloquence loon convinced that Auguft Aflembly, 
 that the excellent gifts of Nature otight not to be con- 
 fined to time. We hope the example that Ireland has 
 let, will fhortly be followed by an Englim Houfe of 
 Lords, and your Grace made a member of that body, 
 o which you will be Ib confpicuous an ornament. 
 
 Yours;ood itnfe, and real love for your country, taught 
 your Grace to perlevere in the principles of your glorious 
 anceftors, by adhering to the defender of our religion 
 and laws ; and the penetrating wifdom of your Royal 
 Mafter faw you merited your honours eie he conferred 
 them. It is one of the greateft glories of a Monarch 
 to dirtingmfh where to beftow his favours ; and the 
 world muft do our's judice, by owning your Grace's 
 titles moft deiervedly worn, 
 
 It is with the greateft pltafure imaginable, the friends 
 of libeity fee you purfuing the fteps of yonr roble Fa- 
 ther : Your courteous, affable temper, free from pride and 
 oitmtation, makes your name adored in the country, 
 A 2 and
 
 iv DEDICATION. 
 
 and enables your Grace to carry what point you pleaCe- 
 The late Lord Wharton will be (till remembered by every 
 lover of his country, which never felt a greater (hock than 
 what his death occafioned. Their grief had been incon- 
 folable, if Heaven, out of its wonted beneficence to this 
 favourite Ifle, had not ttanfmitted all his mining qua- 
 lities to you, and, Phoenix-like, raifed up one patriot out 
 of the aflies of another. 
 
 That your Giace has a high efteem for learning, 
 particularly appears by the large progtefs you made 
 (herein : And your love for the Mufes fhews a fweetnefs 
 of temper, and generous humanity, peculiar to the 
 greatnei's of your foul ; for fuch virtues reign not in the 
 breaft of every man of-quality. 
 
 Defer no longer then, my Lord, to charm the world 
 with the beauty of your numbers, and fliew the Poet, 
 as you have done the Orator: convince our unthinking 
 Britons, by what vile arts France loll her liberty j and 
 teach them to avoid their own misfortunes, as well as 
 to weep over Henry IV. who (if it were poflible for him 
 to know) would forgive the bold aflaflm's hand, for the 
 honour of having his fall celebrated by your Grace's 
 pen. 
 
 To be diftinguiflied by pgrfons of your Grace's cha- 
 racter is not only the highelt ambition, but the greateft 
 reputation to an author; and it is not the lealt of my 
 vanities, to have it known to the Public, I had your 
 Grace's leave to prefix your name to this Comedy. 
 
 I wim I were capable to cloath the following Icenes 
 in fuch a drefs as might be worthy to appear before yonr 
 Grace, and draw your attention as much as your Grace's 
 admirable qualifications do that of all mankind ; but the 
 Mufes, like molt females, are leaft liberal to their own 
 fcx. 
 
 All I dare fay in favour of this piece, is, that rfhe plot 
 is entirely new, and the incidents wholly owing to my 
 own invention } not borrowed from our own, or tranllatcd 
 from the works of any foreign poet ; k> that they have 
 at leaft the charm of novelty to recommend them. If 
 they are fo lucky, in fome leifure hour, to give your 
 Grace the leaft diverlion, they will aniwer the utnoott 
 ambition of, 
 
 My Lord, 
 Your Grace's molt obedient, molt devoted, and 
 
 moll humble fervant, 
 
 SUSANNA CENTUVRE.
 
 PROLOGUE. 
 
 Spoken by Mrs. THURMOND. 
 
 CJ~O-night iv e come upon a bold def,gn, 
 
 *- To try to pleafe without one borrow' d line ;- 
 
 Our plot is new and regularly clear, 
 
 And not one fengh tittle from Moliere. 
 
 O'er buried poets nice- ivith caution tread, 
 
 And parijh Jextons leave to rob the dead. 
 
 For you, bright Britilh Fair, in hopes to charm ye, 
 
 V/e bring to-night a lover from the army ; 
 
 1 "on knc~~u the loldiers have the Jlrangeft arts , 
 
 Such a proportion of prevailing parts, L 
 
 Tcud think that they rid pojt to luomens hearts. j 
 
 / -Bonder whence they draw their bold pretence ; 
 
 U e do not chufe them fure for our defence : 
 
 That pha is both impolitic and nvrong, 
 
 And only fuits fuch dames as want a tongue, 
 
 Is it their eloquence and fne addre/s ? ' 
 
 The foftnefs of their language ? Nothing left. 
 
 Is it their courage, that they bravely dare 
 
 To ft arm the fex at once? Egad! 'tis there : 
 
 They aft by us as in the rough campaign. 
 
 Unmindful of rtpulfes, charge again : 
 
 They mine and countermine, rejolrfd to win, 
 
 And, if a breach is made, they <uv'// come in. 
 
 Tou'// think, by what ive have of foldiersyii/V, 
 
 Our female ivif lisas in the fervice bred : 
 
 But Jhe is to the hardy toil a Jiranger, 
 
 She loves the cloth indeed, but bates the danger : 
 
 Yet to this circle of the brave and gay , ~) 
 
 She bid one, for her good intentions fay, > 
 
 She hopes you'll not reduce her to halt-pay. 3 
 
 As for our play, 'tis Englifh humour all : 
 
 Then <vcill you let our manufacture fall ? 
 
 Would you the honour of our nation raife, 
 
 Keep Engliih Credit up, and Engliih Plays.
 
 ,KSWWO 
 jjllJJlJ 
 
 I <. 
 
 < > 
 
 
 . 
 
 O fc4-PQ fX, ffi <5 Pk. 
 
 Q 
 
 I 
 
 K}. 
 
 !Sl!:^ 
 
 ^t 
 
 
 '^li
 
 A 
 BOLD STROKE FOR A WIFE. 
 
 ACT I. SCENE* Tavern. 
 Colonel Fainwell and Freeman, over a Bottle. 
 
 Freeman. f~^\ OME, Colonel, his Majefty's health. 
 V> You are as melancholy as if you 
 were in love ! I wiih fome of the Beauties of Bath 
 han't fnapt your heart. 
 
 Col. Why faith, Freeman, there is fomething in't ; 
 I have feen a lady at Bath, who has kindled fuch a 
 flame in me, that all the waters there can't quench. 
 
 Free. Women, like fome poifonous animals, car- 
 ry their antidote about 'era Is flie not to be had, 
 Colonel ? 
 
 Col. That's a difficult queftion to anfwer; how- 
 ever, I refolve to try : perhaps you may be able to 
 ferve me; you merchants know one another. The 
 lady told me herfelf me was under the charge of 
 four perfons. 
 
 Free. Odfo ! 'tis Mifs Anne Lovely. 
 
 Col. The fame Do you know her ? 
 
 Free. Know her ! ay, Faith, Colonel, your 
 condition is more defperate than you imagine : Why, 
 (he is the talk and pity of the whole town : and it 
 is the opinion of the learned, that Ihe muft die a 
 maid. 
 
 Col. Say you fo ? That's fomewhat odd, in this 
 charitable city. She's a woman, I hope ? 
 
 Free. For aught J know, but it had been as 
 well for her, had Nature made her any other part 
 of the creation. The man who keeps this houfe 
 ferv'd her father : he is a very honeft fellow, and 
 may be of ufe to you : we'll fend for him to take a 
 A 4 glafs
 
 S A BOLD STROKE 
 
 glafs with us : he'll give you her whole hiftory, 
 and 'tis worth your hearing. 
 
 Col. But may one truft him ? 
 
 Free. With your life : I have obligations enough 
 upon him, to make him do any thing : I ferve him, 
 with wine. [Knocks. 
 
 Col. Nay, I know him very well myfelf. I once 
 ufod to frequent a club that was kept here. 
 Enter Drawer. 
 
 Drawer. Gentlemen, d'ye call ? 
 
 Free. Ay ; fend up your mailer. 
 
 Drawer. Yes, Sir. [Exit. 
 
 Col. Do you know any of this lady's guardians, 
 Freeman ? 
 
 Free. I know two of them very well. 
 Eater Sackbut. 
 
 Tree. Here comes one will give you an account 
 of them all. Mr. Sackbut, we lent for you to take 
 u glafs with us. 'Tis a maxim among the friends of 
 the bottle, that as long as the mailer is in com- 
 pany, one may be fure of good wine. 
 
 Sack. Sir, you mail be fure to have as good wine 
 as you fend in. Colonel, your moll humble fer- 
 vant ; you are welcome to town. 
 
 Col. I thank you, Mr. Sackbut. 
 
 SacL I am as glad to fee you, as I mould a hun- 
 dred tun of French claret cullom-free. My fervice 
 10 you, Sir, [Drinks.} You don't look fo merry as 
 you ufed to do ; ar'n't you well, Colonel? 
 
 Free. He has got a woman in his head, landlord: 
 n you he' 
 Saci. If ! 
 my friend. 
 
 can you help him ? 
 
 Sack. If 'tis in my power, I fhan't fcruple to ferve 
 
 Col. 'Tis one perquifite of your calling, 
 Sack. Ay, at t'other end of the town, where you 
 officers ufe, women are good forcers of trade : a 
 well-cullomed houfe, a handfome bar-keeper, with 
 clean obliging drawers, foon get the mailer an eilate; 
 but our citizens feldom do any thing but cheat with- 
 in the walls. But as to the lady, Colonel, point 
 
 you
 
 FOR A WIFE. 9 
 
 you at particulars ? or have you a good Champagne 
 Itomachi 1 Are you in full pay, or reduc'd, Colonel? 
 
 Col. Reduc'd, reduc'd, landlord ! 
 
 Free. To the miferable condition of a lover ! 
 
 Sack. Pifh ! that's preferable to half-pay : a wo- 
 man's refolution may break before the peace : pufti 
 her home, Colonel, there's no parlying with the 
 fair fex. 
 
 Col. Were the lady her own miitrefs, I have fome 
 reafons to believe I mould foon command in chief. 
 
 Free. You know Mifs Lovely, Mr. Sackbut. 
 
 Sack. Know her! Ay, poor Nancy : I have carried 
 her to fchoolmanya frofly morning. ATa! if me's 
 the woman, I pity you, Colonel: her father, my old 
 matter, was the moil whimfkal, out-of-the-way tem- 
 per'd man I ever heard of, as you will guefs by his 
 laft will and teftament. This was his only child : 
 and I have heard him wiih her dead a thoufand times. 
 
 Col. Why fo ? 
 
 Sack . He hated pofterity, you muft know, Jind 
 wilh'd the world were to expire with himfelf. He 
 nfed to fwear, if me had been a boy, he would have 
 qualified him for the opera. 
 
 Free. 'Twas a very unnatural refolution in a fa- 
 ther. 
 
 Sack. He died worth thirty thoufand pounds, 
 which he left to his daughter, provided {he married 
 with the confent of her guardians ; but that Ihe 
 might be fure never to do fo, he left her in the care 
 of four men, as oppofite to each other as the four 
 elements: each has his quarterly rule, and three 
 months in a year me is obJig'd to be fubjeft to each 
 of their humours, and they are pretty different, I 
 aflure you. She is jiift come from Bath. 
 
 Ccl. 'Twas there I faw her. 
 
 Sack. Ay, Sir, the lalt quarter was her Beau 
 Guardian's. She appears in all public places dur- 
 ing his reign. 
 
 Col. She vifited a lady who boarded in the fame 
 
 houie with me : I liked her perfon, and found an 
 
 A 5 opportunity
 
 io A BOLD STROKE 
 
 > 
 
 opportunity to tell her fo. She replied, (he had no 
 objection to mine; but if I could not reconcile 
 contradictions, I muft not think of her, for that (he 
 was condemned to the caprice of four .perfons, 
 who never yet agreed in any one thing, and (he 
 was obliged to pleafe them ail. 
 
 Sack. 'Tis moft true, Sir : I'll give you a (ho?t 
 defcription of the men, and leave you to judge of 
 the poor lady's condition. One is a kind of vir- 
 tuofo, a filly half-witted fellow, but pofitive and 
 furly, fond of every thing antique and foreign, 
 and wears his cloaths of the faftrion of the laft cen- 
 tury ; doats upon travellers, and believes more of 
 Sir John Mandeville than he does of the Bible. 
 
 Col. That muft be a rare odd fellow ! 
 
 Sack. Another is a change-broker : a fellow that 
 wilf out-lie the Devil for the advantage of ftock, 
 and cheat his father that got him in a bargain : lie 
 is a great (tickler for trade, and hates every man 
 that wears a fword. 
 
 Free. He is a great admirer "of the Dutch mx- 
 n-gement, and fwears they understand trade better 
 than any nation under the fun. 
 
 Sack. The third is an old beau, that has May 
 in his fancy and drefs, but December in his faoe 
 ard his heels: he admires all the new fafhions, and 
 thofe muft be French ; loves operas, balls, maf- 
 querades, and is always the moft tawdry of the 
 whole company on a birth-day. 
 
 Cot. Thefe are pretty oppofite to one another, 
 truly : and the fourth, what is he, landlord ? 
 
 Sa'fk. A very rigid Quaker, whofe quarter began 
 this day. I faw Mifs Lovely go in, not above two 
 hours ago, Sir Philip fet her down. What think 
 you now, Colonel, is not the poor lady to be 
 pitied ? 
 
 Col. Ay, and 1 refcu'd too, landlord. 
 
 Free. In my opinion, that's impoffible. 
 
 Col. There is nothing impoffible to a lover. What 
 would not a man attempt for a fine woman and 
 
 thirty
 
 FOR A WIFE. n 
 
 thirty thoufand pounds ? Befides, my honour is at 
 Itake : I promifed to deliver her, and ihe bid me 
 win her and wear her. 
 
 Sact. That's fair, faith ! 
 
 Free. If it depended upon knight-errantry, I 
 fhould not doubt your fetting free the damfel ; 
 but to have avarice, impertinence, hypocrify, and 
 pride, at once to deal wjth, requires more cunning 
 than generally attends a man of honour. 
 
 Col. My fancy tells me, I mall come off witk 
 glory. I refolve to try, however. Do you know all 
 the guardians, Mr. Sackbut ? 
 
 Sack. Very well, they all ufe my houfe. 
 
 Col. And will you affiJt me, if occafion re- 
 quires r 
 
 Sack. In every thing I can, Colonel. 
 
 Free. I'll ;mf\ver for him ; and whatever I can 
 ferve you in, you may depend on. ' I know Mr. 
 
 Periwinkle and Mr. Tradelove ; the latter has a 
 ' very great opinion of my intereft abroad. I liap- 
 ' pened to have a letter from a correfpondent two 
 ' hours before the news arrived of the French 
 ' King's death : I communicated it to him : upon 
 ' which he bought all the (lock he could, and what 
 ' with that, and fome wagers he laid, he told me 
 ' he had got to the tune of five hundred pounds ; 
 ' fo that I am much in his good graces.' 
 
 Ccl. I don't know but you may be of fervice to 
 me, Freeman. 
 
 Fi-ff. If I can, command me, Colonel. 
 
 ' Ccl. Isn't poflible to find a fuit of cloaths ready 
 ' made at fome of thefe fale-fliops fit to rig out a 
 ' beau, think you, Mr. Sackbut? 
 
 ' Sack. O hang 'em No, Colonel, they keep 
 ' nothing ready made that a gentleman would be 
 ' feen in ; but I can fit you with a fuit of cloaths, 
 ' if you'd make a figure. Velvet and gold bro- 
 < cade They were pawn'd to me by a French 
 
 * count, who had been ftript at play, and wanted 
 ' money to carry him home ; he proraifcd to fend 
 
 A 6 for
 
 12 ABOLD STROKE 
 
 ' for them, but I have not heard any thing of 
 ' him. 
 
 ' Free. He has not fed upon frogs long enough 
 ' yet to recover his lofs : ha, ha ! 
 
 ' Col. Ha, ha! Well, the cloaths fcffl do, Mr. 
 
 Sackbut, tho' we muft have three or four fellows 
 ' in tawdry liveries : they can be procur'd, I 
 ' hope. 
 
 ' Free. Egad ! I have a brother come from the 
 
 Weft Indies that match you ; and, for expedition- 
 ' fake, you mall have his fervants : there's a Black, 
 ' a Tavvney-moor, and a Frenchman : they don't 
 
 fpeak one word of Englifh, fo can make no 
 * miftake. 
 
 Col. Excellent ! - Egad ! I mail look like an 
 ' Indian Prince.' 
 
 Col. Firft I'll attack my Beau Guardian : where 
 lives he ? 
 
 Sack. Faith fomewhere about St. James's ; tho' 
 to fay in what ftreet, I cannot ; but any chairman 
 will tell you where Sir Philip Modelove lives. 
 
 Free. Oh ! you'll find him in the Park at eleven 
 every day ; at leaft I never pafs through at that hour 
 without feeing him there. But what do you in- 
 tend ? 
 
 Col. To addrefs him in his own way, and find 
 what he defigns to do with the lady. 
 
 Free. And what then ? 
 
 Col. Nay, that I can't tell ; but I fhall take my 
 meafures accordingly. 
 
 Sack. Well, 'tis a mad undertaking, in my mind ; 
 but here's to your fuccefs, Colonel. [Drinks. 
 
 Col. 'Tis fomething out of the way, I confefs ; 
 but Fortune may chance to fmile, and I fuccced. 
 < Come, landlord, let me fee thofe cloaths. Free- 
 man, I fliall expect you'll leave word with Mr. 
 Sackbut, where one may find you upon occafion ; 
 and fend me my Indian equipage immediately, 
 d'ye hear? 
 
 Fret, Immediately. 
 
 Col.
 
 F O R A W I F E. ij 
 
 Col. Bold nvas the man who iientur" 1 d frjl to fea, 
 But the firft -venturing lovers bolder 'were. 
 The path of love's a dark and dang'rous 'way, 
 Without a landmark, or one friendly Jiar, 
 dnd he that runs the rifque deferves the fair. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE II. Prim'/ Houfe. 
 Enter Mifs Lovely, and her maid Betty. 
 
 Setty. Blefs me, Madam ! why do you fret and 
 teaze yourfelf fo ? This is giving them the advan- 
 tage with a witnefs. 
 
 MifsLov. Mull I be condemned all my life to the 
 prepollerous humours of other people, and pointed 
 
 at by every boy in town ? Oh ! 1 could tear my 
 
 flefh, and curie the hour I was born Isn't it mon- 
 ftroufly ridiculous, that they ihould deure to impofe 
 their quaking drefs upon me at thefe years ? When 
 I was a child, no matter what they made me wear, 
 but now 
 
 Betty. I would refolve againftit, Madam : I'd fee 
 'em hang'd before I'd put on the pinch'd cap again. 
 
 Mifs Lo-v. Then I muft never expecl one mo- 
 ment's eafe : me has rung fuch a peal in my ears 
 already, that I Ihan't have the right ufe of them 
 this month. What can I do ? 
 
 Betty. What can you net do, if you will but give 
 your mind to it? Marry, Madam. 
 
 Mifs Lov. What ! and have my fortune go to 
 build churches and hofpitals ? 
 
 Betty. Why, let it go. If the Colonel loves 
 
 you, as he pretends, he'll marry you without a 
 fortune, Madam ; and I allure you a Colonel's lady 
 is no defpicable thing : ' a Colonel's port will 
 ' maintain you like a gentlewoman, Madam.' 
 
 Mifs LO--U. So you would advife me to give up my 
 own fortune, and throw rnyfelf upon the Colonel's! 
 
 Betty. I would advife you to make yourfelf eafy, 
 Madam. 
 
 Mifs Lo<v. That's not the way, I'm fare. No, 
 
 no,
 
 H|* A FOLD STROKE 
 
 no, girl, there are certain ingredients to be mingled 
 \vith matrimony, without which I may as well 
 change for the worfe as the better. When the 
 woman has fortune enough to make the man happy, 
 if he has either honour or good manners, he'll 
 make her eafy. Love makes but a flovenly figure 
 in a houfe where Poverty keeps the door. 
 
 Betty. And fo you refoive to die a maid, do you, 
 Madam ? 
 
 Miff Lev. Or have it in my power to make the 
 man I love matter of my fortune. 
 
 Betty. Then you don't like the Colonel fo well 
 as I thought you did, Madam, or you would not 
 take fuch a refolution. 
 
 Mi/s LW. It is becaufe I do like him, Betty, that 
 I do take fuch a refolution. 
 
 Betty. Why do you exped, Madam, the Colonel 
 can work miracles ? Is it poffible for him to marry 
 you with the confent of all your guardians ? 
 
 Mi/s Lo'v. Or he mufl not marry me at all : and 
 fo I told him ; and he did not feem difpleafed with 
 the news. He promifed to fet me free ; and I, on 
 that condition, promifed to make him mailer of 
 that freedom. 
 
 Betty. Well ! I have read of enchanted caftles, 
 ladies deliver'd from the chains of magic, giants 
 kill'd, and monfters overcome ; fo that I mall be 
 the lefs furprized if the Colonel mould conjure you 
 eut of the power of your four guardians : if he does, 
 I am fure he deferves your fortune. 
 
 Mi/s Lev. And lhall have it, girl, if it were ten 
 times as much For I'll ingenuoufiy confefs to thee, 
 that I do like the Colonel above all the men I ever 
 faw: There's fomethingfo _/*/ in afoldier, a kind 
 ofje tie/fai quoi air, that makes them more agree- 
 able than the rell of mankind. They command 
 regard, as who (hall fay, We are your defenders. 
 We preferve your beauties from the infults of rude 
 and unpolifli''d foes, and ought to be preferr'd be- 
 fore thofe lazy indolent mortals, who, by dropping 
 
 into
 
 FORT A WIFE. i 
 
 into their fathers eftates, fet up their coaches, and 
 think to rattle themfelves into our affections. 
 
 Betty. Nay, Madam, I confefs that the army has 
 engroiied all the prettieft fellows A laced coat 
 and a feather have irrefiilible charms. 
 
 Mifs Lov. But the Colonel has all the beauties 
 of the mind as well as the body. O all ye Powers 
 that favour happy lovers, grant that he may be 
 mine ! Thou God of Love, if thou be'fl aught but 
 name, affift my Fainwell ! 
 
 Point all thy darts to aid his jujl defegn, 
 
 And make bit plots as prevalent as thine. [Exeunt. 
 
 A C T JI. SCENE the Park. 
 
 Enter Cclonelfnelj dreft, three footmen after him. 
 
 SO, now if I can but meet this beau ! Egad ! 
 methinks, I cut a fmart figure, and have 
 as much of the tawdry-air as any Italian Count or 
 French Marquee of them all. Sure I fhall know 
 this Knight again Ah! yonder he fits, making 
 love ro a mafk, i'faith, I'll walk up the Mall, and 
 come down by him. \Exit. 
 
 Col. 
 
 Scene draws, and dij covers Sir Philip upon a bench, 
 <with a luoman majk' ' d. 
 
 Sir Phil. Well, but, my dear, are you really coa- 
 ftant to your keeper ? 
 
 Worn. Yes, really, Sir, Hey day ! Who comes 
 yonder ? He cuts a mighty figure. 
 
 Sir Phil. Ha! aftranger, by his equipage keeping 
 fo clofe at his heels. He has the appearance of a 
 man of quality --Pofidvely French, by his dancing 
 air. 
 
 Worn. He crofles, as if he meant to fit down here. 
 
 Sir Phil. He has a mind to make love to thee, child. 
 
 Enter 
 
 3
 
 j6 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Enter Colonel. 
 
 Went. It will be to no purpofe if he does. 
 Sir Phil. Are you refolved to be cruel then ? 
 Col. You muft be very cruel indeed, if you can 
 deny any thing to fo fine a gentleman, Madam. 
 
 [Takes out his <watcb. 
 
 Worn, I never mind the outfide of a man. 
 Col. And I'm afraid thou art no judge of the in- 
 fide. 
 
 Sir Phil. I am pofitively of your mind, Sir ; for 
 creatures of her function feldom penetrate beyond 
 the pocket. 
 
 Worn. Creatures of your compofition have,' in- 
 deed, generally more in their pockets than in their 
 heads. [AfiJt. 
 
 Sir Phil. Pray what fays your watch ? mine is 
 down. [Pulling out his 'watch. 
 
 Col. I want thirty-fix minutes of twelve, Sir. 
 [Puts up his watch, and takes out his fnuff-box. 
 Sir Phil. May I prefume, Sir? 
 Col. Sir, you honour me. \Prefenting the box. 
 Sir PhiL He fpeaks good Englifh tho' he mull 
 be a foreigner. \_Afidc *~\ This fnuff is extremely 
 good and the box prodigious fine : the work is 
 French, I prefume, Sir. 
 
 Col. I bought it in Paris, Sir. 1 do think the 
 
 workman/hip pretty neat. 
 
 Sir Phil. Neat! 'tis exquifitely fine. Sir. Pray, 
 Sir, if I may take the liberty of enquiring what 
 country is fo happy to claim the birth of the fineil 
 gentleman in the univerfc ? France, I prefume. 
 Col. Then you don't think me an Englifhman ? 
 Sir Phil. No, upon my foul, don't I. 
 Col. I am forry for't. 
 
 Sir Phil. Jmpoflible you mould wifh to be an 
 Englifhman ! Pardon me, Sir, this illand could not 
 produce a perfon offuch alcrtnefs. 
 Col. As this mirror mews you, Sir. 
 
 [Puts up a pocket -glafs to Sir Philip'/ fact. 
 Warn. Coxcombs ! I'm lick to hear them praile 
 
 one
 
 F O R A W I F E. 17 
 
 ne another. One feldom gets any thing by fuch 
 animals ; not even a dinner, unlefs one can dine 
 upon foap and celery. 
 
 Sir Phil. O gad, Sir! Will you leave us, 
 Madam ? Ha, ha ! 
 
 Col. She fears 'twill be only lofing time to ftay 
 here, ha, ha! I know not how to diilinguilh you, 
 Sir ; but your mien and addrefs fpeak you right 
 honourable. 
 
 Sir Phil. Thus great fouls judge of others by 
 themfelves I am only adorn'd with knighthood : 
 that's all, I affure you, Sir : my name is Sir Philip 
 Modelove. 
 
 Col. Of French extraction f 
 
 Sir Phil. My father was French. 
 
 Col. One may plainly perceive it There is a 
 certain gaiety peculiar to my nation (for I will own 
 myfelf a Frenchman) which diitinguiihes us every 
 where. A perion of your figure would be a vaft 
 addition to a coronet. 
 
 Sir Phil. 1 mult own I had the offer of a barony 
 about five years ago, but I abhorr'd the fatigue 
 which muft have attended it. I could never yet 
 bring myfelf to join with either party. 
 
 Col. You are perfectly in the right, Sir Philip 
 a fine perfon mould not embark himfelf in the 
 flovenly concern of politics : Drefs and pleafure 
 are objects proper for the foul of a fine gentleman. 
 
 Sir Phil. And love 
 
 Col. Oh ! that's included under the article of 
 pleafure. 
 
 Sir Phil. Parbleu! il eft un Homme d'Efprit, I muft 
 embrace you [Rz/es and embraces, ,] ' Your fenti- 
 ' ments are fo agreeable to mine, that we appear to 
 ' have but one foul, for our ideas and conception 
 ' are the fame. 
 
 ' Col. I mould be forry for that. [AJMe.] You 
 ' do me too much honour, Sir Philip. 
 
 ' Sir Phil. Your vivacity andjantee mien aflured 
 ' me at firft fight there was nothing of this 
 
 ' foggy
 
 A BOLD STROK-E 
 
 in your composition.' May I cravff 
 your name, Sir ? 
 
 Col. My name is La Fainwell, Sir, at your fervice.' 
 
 Sir Phil. The La Fainwells are French, I know ; 
 tho' the name is become very numerous in Great- 
 Britain of late years - r-was fare you was French 
 the moment I laid my eyes upon you ; I could not> 
 come into the fuppofition of your being an Englim- 
 man : This ifland produces few fuch ornaments. 
 
 Col. Pardon me, Sir Philip, this ifland has two 
 things fuperior to all nations under the fun. 
 
 Sir Phil. Ah ! what are they ? 
 
 Col. The ladies, and the laws. 
 
 Sir Phil. The laws, indeed, do claim a preference 
 of other nations but, by my foul, there are fi-ne 
 women every where. I muft own I have felt their 
 power in all countries. 
 
 CoL There are fome finifh'd beauties, I confefs, 
 *-in France, Italy, Germany, nay, even in Hol- 
 
 * land, mats elles font bien ran : But Its Belles An*- 
 
 * gloifes.' Oh, Sir Philip, where find we fuch women ! 
 fuch fymmetry of fhape ! fuch elegancy of drefs ! 
 fuch regularity of features ! fuch fweetnefs of 
 temper ! fuch commanding eyes ! and fuch be- 
 witching fmiles ! 
 
 ' Sir Phil. Ah ! p&rkleu, *vom ttes attrapt ! 
 ' CoL Non,jeious-ajfure, Chevalier. But I de- 
 ' clare there is no amufement fo agreeable to my 
 
 * gout, as the converfation of a fine woman. - 
 ' J could never be* prevailed upon to enter into what 
 ' the vulgar calls the pleafure of the bottle. 
 
 ' Sir Phil. My own tafte, pofet ivement!* A ball, 
 
 * or a mafquerade, is certainly preferable to all 
 the productions of the -vineyard. 
 
 ' Col. Infinitely ! I hope the people of quality in' 
 England will fupport that branch of pleafure, 
 ' which was imported with their peace, and fince 
 * naturaliz'd by the ingenious Mr. Heidegger. 
 
 ' Sir Phil. The ladies affure me it will become 
 ' part of the conilitution upon which I fubfcrib.'J' 
 
 *
 
 FOR A W I F E. 19 
 
 '* a hundred guineas. It will be of great fervice to 
 1 the public, alt leaft to the company of furgeons j 
 
 * and the city in general. 
 
 ' Col. Ha, ha ! it may help to ennoble the blood 
 - of the city.' Are you married, Sir Philip t 
 
 Sir Phil. No ; nor do I believe I ever (hall enter 
 into that honourable (kite: I have an abfolute 
 tendre for the whole fex. 
 
 Col. That's more than they have for you, I dare 
 fwear. [A/tJe. 
 
 ' Sir Phil. And I have the honour to be very 
 
 * well with the ladies, I can affure you, Sir; an.} 
 
 * I won't affront a million of fine women to. make 
 f one happy. 
 
 ' Col. Nay, marriage is reducing a man's tafte to 
 ' a kind of half pleafure j but then it carries the 
 
 * bleflings of peace along with it : one goes to fleep 
 
 * without fear, and wakes without pain. 
 
 ' Sir Phil. There's fomething of that in't: awifa 
 ' is a very good di(h for an Englifh ftomach but 
 * grofs feeding, for nicer palates, ha, ha, ha!' 
 
 Col. I find I was very much miftaken I ima- 
 gined, you had been married to that young lady 
 whom I faw in the chariot with you this morning 
 in Gracechurch-ftreet. 
 
 Sir Phil. Who, Nancy Lovely ? I am apiece of a. 
 
 fuardian to that lady : You muft know, her father, 
 thank him, joined me with three of themoft pre- 
 pofterous old fellows that, upon my foul, I am in 
 pain for the poor girl: me muft certainly lead 
 apes, as the faying is : ha, ha ! 
 
 Co!. That's pity, Sir Philip. If the lady would 
 give me leave,! would endeavour to avert that curfe. 
 ' Sir Phil. As to the lady, (he'd gladly be rid of 
 us atany rate, I believe ; but here's the mifchief : 
 he who marries Mifs Lovely, muft have the con- 
 fcnt of us all four or not a penny of her por- 
 tion. For my part, I (hall never approve of any 
 
 but a man of figure and the reft are not only 
 
 ::> cleanlinefs, but have each a peculiar 
 
 ' tafb
 
 eo A BOLD STROKE 
 
 * tafte to gratify.' For my part, I declare I would 
 prefer you to all the men I ever faw. 
 
 Col. And I her to all women 
 
 Sir Phil. I aflure you, Mr. Fainwell, I am for 
 marrying her, for I hate the trouble of a guardian, 
 efpecially among fuch wretches ; but refolve never 
 to agree to the choice of any one of them and I 
 fancy they'll be even with me, for they never came 
 into any propofal of mine yet. 
 
 Col. I wiih I had your leave to try them, Sir Philip, 
 
 Sir Phil. With all my foul, Sir : I can refufe a. 
 perfon of your appearance nothing. 
 
 Col. Sir, I am infinitely obliged to you. 
 
 Sir Phil. But do you really like matrimony ? 
 
 Col. I believe I could with that lady. 
 
 Sir Phil. The only point in which we differ. 
 But you are mailer of fo many qualifications, that 1 
 can excufeone fault: fprlmuft think it a fault in a 
 fine gentleman ; and that you are iuch, I'll give it 
 under my hand. 
 
 Col. I wifh you'd give me your confent to marry 
 Mifs Lovely under your hand, Sir Philip. 
 
 Sir Phil. I'll do't, if you'll ftep into St. James's 
 Coffee-Houfe, where we may have pen and ink 
 tho' I can't forefee what advantage my confent will 
 be to you, without you could find a way to get the 
 reft of the guardians. But I'll introduce you, how- 
 ever : She is now at a quaker's, where I carried her 
 this morning, when you faw us in Gracechurch- 
 ftreet. I afTure you (he has an odd ragout of guar- 
 dians, as you will find when you hear the charac-, 
 ters, which I'll endeavour to give you as we go 
 along. Hey '. Pierre, Jaque, Renno. Where are 
 
 you all, fcoundrels ? Order the chariot to St. 
 
 James's CofFee-Houfe. 
 
 Col. Le Noir, la Brun, la Blanc. Morlleu, ou 
 font ces coquins la ? Allom, Monjieur le Chevalier. 
 
 Sir Phil. Ah ! Pardonnez, moi, Monjieur. 
 
 Col. Not one Itep, upon my foul, Sir Philip.
 
 F O R A W I F E. 21 
 
 Sir Phil. The beft bred man in Europe, pofi* 
 lively. [Exeunf. 
 
 SCENE changes to Ohadiah Prim'j Houfe. 
 Enter Mifs Lovely, followed by Mrs. Prim. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Then thou wilt not obey me: And 
 thou doft really think thole fallals become thee ? 
 
 Mifs Lo<v. \ do, indeed. 
 
 Mrs. Prim. Now will I be judged by all fober 
 people, if I don't look more like a modeft woman 
 than thou doft, Anne. 
 
 Mi/s LO-TJ. More like a hypocrite you mean, Mrs. 
 Prim. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Ah ! Anne, Anne, that wicked Philip 
 Modelove will undo thee. Satan fo fills thy heart 
 with pride, during the three months of his guardian- 
 fhip, that thou becomeft a flumbling-block to the 
 upright. 
 
 MifsLc--v. Pray who are they? Are the pinch'd 
 cap and formal hood the emblems of fanclity? Does 
 your virtue confift in your drefs, Mrs. Prim ? 
 
 Mrs. Pr. It doth not confilt in cut hair, fpotted 
 face, and a bare neck. Oh the wickednefs of the 
 generation ! the primitive women knew not the 
 abomination of hoop'd petticoats. 
 
 Mifs Lo-v. No; nor the abomination of cant nei- 
 ther. Don't tell me, Mrs. Prim, don't. I know 
 you have as much pride, vanity, felf-conceit, and 
 ambition among you, couched under that formal 
 habit, and fan&ified countenance, as the proudelt of 
 us all ; but the world begins to fee your prudery. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Prudery ! What ! do they invent new 
 v/ords as well as new fafhions ? Ah ! poor fantaftic 
 age, I pity thee. Poor deluded Anne, which doft 
 thou think moft refembleft the faint, and which the 
 finner, thy drefs or mine? Thy naked bofom al- 
 lureth the eye of the bye-ftander encourageth 
 the frailty of human nature and corrupteth the 
 foul with evil longings. 
 
 Mifs Lo<v. And pray who corrupted your fon To- 
 9 bias
 
 *t A 'BOLD STRODE 
 
 bias with evil longings ? Your maid Tabitha were 
 a handkerchief, and yet he made the faint a fmner. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Well, well, fpit thy malice. I confefs 
 Satan did buffet my fon Tobias, and my fervant 
 Tabitha : the evil fpirit was at that time too ftrong, 
 and they both became fubjeft to its workings 
 not from any outward provocation, but from an 
 inward call : he was not tainted with the rotten- 
 nefs of the famions^ nor did his eyes take in the 
 drunkennefs of beauty. 
 
 Mifs Lov. No ! that's plainly to be feen. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Tabitha is one of the faithful : he fell 
 not with a ftranger. 
 
 Mifs Lov. So ! Then you hold wenching no 
 crime, provided it be within the pale of your own 
 tribe> You are an excellent cafuift, truly ! 
 Enter Obadiah Prim. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Not ftripp'd of thy vanity yet, Anne ! 
 Why dolt thou not make her put it off, Sarah ? 
 
 Mrs. Pr. She will not do it. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Verily, thy naked breafts troubleth my 
 outward man : I pray thee hide 'em, Anne : put on 
 en handkerchief, Anne Lovely. 
 
 Mifs Lovely. I hate handkerchiefs when 'tis not 
 cold weather, Mr. Prim. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. I have feen thee wear a handkerchief, 
 nay, and a malk to boot, in the middle of July. 
 
 Mifs Low. Ay, to keep the fun from fcorching 
 toe. 
 
 Ob. Pr. If thou could'ft not bear the fun-beams, 
 how dolt thou think man can bear thy beams ? 
 Thofe breafts inflame defire : let them be hid, I fay. 
 
 Mifs Lo'v. Let me be quiet, I fay. Muft I be 
 -tormented thus for ever ? ' Sure no woman's con- 
 ' dition ever equalled mine ! Foppery, Folly, Ava- 
 
 * rice and - Hypocrify are, by turns, my conftant 
 ' companions and I muft vary fhapes as often as 
 
 * a player' I cannot think my father meant this 
 tyranny ! No, you ufurp an authority which he 
 never intended you Ihould take,
 
 FOR A W I F E. ej 
 
 O. Pr. Hark thee, doft thou call good counfel 
 tyranny ? Do I, or my wife, tyrannize, when we 
 defire thee in all love to put off thy tempting attire 
 and veil thy provokers to fin ? 
 
 Miff Lot;. Deliver me, good Heaven ! or I mall 
 go diftraded. .\Walks about. 
 
 . Mrs. Pr. So! now thy pinners are toft, and thy 
 
 breafts pulled up ! verily they were feen enough 
 
 before. r Fie upon the filthy taylor who made 
 
 -thy ftays. 
 
 Mift Lo*v. I wifh I were in my grave ! Kill me 
 rather than treat me thus. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Kill thee ! ha, ha ! thou thinkeft thou 
 art afting fome lewd play fure : Kill thee ! Art 
 thou prepared for death, Ajine Lovely? No, no, 
 thou would'ft rather have a hufband, Anne : 
 Thou wanteft a gilt coach, with fix lazy fellows 
 behind, to flant it in the ring of vanity, among the 
 princes and rulers of the land < who pamper 
 themfelves with the fatnefs thereof; but I will take 
 .care that none mail fquander away thy father's 
 eftate : thou malt marry none fuch, Anne. 
 
 Mifs Lo<v. Would you marry me to one of your 
 own canting fedt ? 
 
 Ob. Pr. Yea, verily, no one elfe mall ever get 
 my confent, I do aflure thee, Anne. 
 
 Mifs Lov. And I do aflure thee, Obadiah, that I 
 will as foon turn Papift, and die in a convent. 
 Mrs. Pr. O wickednefs ! 
 Mifs Lav. O ftupidity ! 
 <Ob.Pr. Oblindnefs of heart! 
 Mifs Lov. Thou blinder of the world, don't pro- 
 voke me left X betray your fandity, and leave 
 your wife to judge of your purity : What 
 were the emotions of your fpirit when you 
 fqueez'd Mary by the hand laft night in the pantry, 
 
 when fhe told you, you bufs'd fo filthily? 
 
 . Ah ! you had no averfions to naked bofoms, when 
 you begged her to fliew yow a little, little, little 
 
 bit
 
 24 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 bit of her delicious bofom : Don't you remem- 
 ber thofe words, Mr. Prim ? 
 
 Mrs. Pr. What does ihe fay, Obadiah ? 
 
 Ob.Pr. Shetalketh unintelligibly, Sarah. Which 
 
 way did Ihe hear this f This fhould not have reach'd 
 
 the ears of the wicked ones : Verily it troubleth 
 
 me. \Aftde. 
 
 Enter Servant. 
 
 Serv. Philip Modelove, whom they call Sir Phi- 
 lip, is below, and fuch another with him, mall I 
 fend them up ? 
 
 Ob. Pr. Yea. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Sir Philip and Colonel. 
 Sir Phil. How doft thou do, Friend Prim ? Odfo ! 
 my She friend here too ! What are you document- 
 ing Mifs Nancy ? reading her a le&ure upon the 
 pinch'd coif, I warrant ye ! 
 
 Mrs. Pr. I am fure thou did'fl never read her 
 
 any leclure that was good. My flefh rifeth fo at 
 
 thefe wicked ones, that prudence advifeth me to 
 
 withdraw from their fight. [Exit. 
 
 Col. Oh ! that I could find means to fpeak with 
 
 her ! How charming me appears ! I wim I could 
 
 get this letter into her hand. [Afidt. 
 
 Sir Phil. Well, Mifs Cockey, I hope thou haft 
 
 got the better of them. 
 
 Mifs Lev. The difficulties of my life are not to 
 be furmounted, Sir Philip. J hate the imperti- 
 nence of him, as much as the llupidity of the 
 Other. [djtde. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Verily, Philip, thou wilt fpoii this 
 maiden. 
 
 Sir Phil. I find we ftill differ in opinion ; but 
 that we may none of us fpoil her, prithee, Prim, let 
 
 us confent to marry her. 1 have fent for our 
 
 brother guardians to meet me here about this very 
 thing. Madam, will you give me leave to recom- 
 mend a hufband to you? Here's a gentleman, 
 whom, in my mind, you can have no objection to. 
 [Pre/entJ the Colonel to her, fit looks another way. 
 
 Mifs
 
 FOR A WIFE. 2? 
 
 Mi/s Lov. Heaven deliver me from the formal, 
 and the fantaftic fool ! 
 
 Col. A fine woman, a fine horfe, and fine 
 
 equipage, are the fineft things in the univerfe : 
 And if J am fo happy to poflefs you, Madam, I Ihalt 
 become the envy of mankind, as much as you out- 
 ihine your whole fex. 
 
 [As be takes her hand to kifs it, he endea- 
 vours to put a letter into it ; Jhe lets it 
 drop Prim takes it up. 
 
 Mi/s Lo<v. I have no ambition to appear confpi- 
 cuouily ridiculous, Sir. [Turning from him. 
 
 Col. So fail the hopes of Fainwell. 
 
 Mi/s Lov. Ha! Fainwell! 'tis he ! What have 
 I done ? Prim has the letter, and it will be dif- 
 cover'd. [Af.de. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Friend, I know not thy name, fo cannot 
 call thee by it ; but thou feelt thy letter is unwel- 
 come to the maiden, me will not read it. 
 
 Mi/s Lov. Nor mail you ; [Smutches the letter. ~\ 
 I'll tear it in a thoufand pieces, and fcatter it, as I 
 will the hopes of all thofe that any of you mall re- 
 commend to me. [Tears the letter. 
 
 Sir Phil. Ha ! Right woman, faith ! 
 
 Col. Excellent woman ! [AJide. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Friend, thy garb favoureth too much of 
 the vanity of the age for my approbation ; nothing 
 that refembleth Philip Modelove mail I love, mark 
 that therefore, friend Philip, bring no more 
 of thy own apes under my roof. 
 
 Sir Phil. I am fo entirely a ftranger to the mon- 
 fters of thy breed, that I mail bring none of them 
 I am fure. 
 
 Col. I am likely to have a pretty tafk by that 
 time I have gone thro' them all ; but fhe's a city 
 worth taking, and 'egad I'll carry on the fiege : if 
 I can but blow up the out- works, I fancy 1 am 
 pretty fecure of the town. [AJide. 
 
 Enter Servant. 
 
 Serv. Toby Periwinkle and Thomas Tradelove 
 
 demand to fee thee. . [To Sir Philip. 
 
 B Sir Phil.
 
 26 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 iJ. Bid them come up. 
 
 Mift Lev. Deliver me from fuch an inundation 
 of noife and nonfenfe. Oh Fainwell ! whatever 
 thy contrivance be,profperit Heaven ; ' but oh ! 
 ' I fear thou never canft redeem me.' [Exit. 
 
 Sir Phil. Sic Irnnfit gloria mundi. 
 
 Enter Mr. Periwinkle and Tradelove. 
 Thefe are my brother guardians, Mr. Fainwell. 
 pr'ythee obferve the creatures. [djide to Col. 
 
 Trade. Well, Sir Philip, I obey your fummons. 
 
 Per. Pray, what have you to offer for the good of 
 Mifs Lovely, Sir Philip ? 
 
 Sir Phil. Firft I defire to know what you intend 
 to do with that lady ? Muft me be fent to the 
 Indies for a venture or live an old maid, and 
 then be enter'd amongft your curiofities, and ihewn 
 for a monfter, Mr. Periwinkle ? 
 
 Col. Humph, curiofities, that muft be the vir- 
 tuofo. \_AJide. 
 
 Per. Why, what wou'd you do with her? 
 
 Sir Phil. I would recommend this gentleman to 
 her for a hufband, Sir a perfon whom 1 have 
 pick'd out from the whole race of mankind. 
 
 Ob. Pr. I would advife thee to muffle him again 
 with the reft of mankind, for I like him not. 
 
 Col. Pray, Sir, without offence to your formality, 
 what may be your objections ? 
 
 Ob. Pr. Thy perfon ; thy manners ; thy drefs ; 
 thy acquaintance; thy every thing, friend. 
 
 Sir Phil. You are moll particularly obliging, 
 friend, ha, ha ! 
 
 Trade. What bufmefs do you follow, pray, Sir? 
 
 Col. Humph, by that queftion he muft be the 
 broker. \_Ajide. \ Bufmefs, Sir ! the bufinefs of a 
 gentleman. 
 
 Trad. That is as much as to fay, you drefs fine, 
 feed high, lie with every woman you like, and pay 
 your furgeon's bills better than your taylor's, or 
 your butcher's. 
 
 Col. The court is much obliged to you, Sir, for 
 vour character of a gentleman. 
 
 TraJ.
 
 F O R A W 
 
 'J'rad. The court, Sir! What would the court 
 do without us citizens ? 
 
 Sir Phil. Without your wives and daughters, you 
 mean, Mr. Tradelove. 
 
 Per, Have you ever travell'd, Sir f 
 
 Ccl. That queftion muft not be anfwer'd now 
 In books I have, Sir. 
 
 Per. In books ! That's fine travelling indeed ! 
 Sir Philip, when )ou prefent a perfon I like, he 
 fTiall have my confent to marry Mifs Lovely ; 'till 
 when, your fervant. [Exit. 
 
 Col. I'll make you like me before I have done 
 with you, or I am miltaken. [Afide. 
 
 Trad. And when you can convince me that a 
 beau is more ufeful to my country than a merchant, 
 you fliall have mine ; 'till then you muft excuie 
 me. [Exit. 
 
 Ccl. So much for trade I'll fit you too. \_Afide. 
 
 Sir Phil. In my opinion, this is very inhuman 
 treatment, as to the Lady, Mr. Prim. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Thy opinion and mine happen to differ 
 as much as our occupations, friend : bufinels re- 
 qnireth my prefence, and folly thine ; and fo .1 
 muft bid thee farewell. {Exit. 
 
 Sir Phil. Here's breeding for you, Mr. Fain- 
 well! Gad take me. 
 
 Half my eftate Pd gi<ve to fee 'em kit. 
 
 Col. I hope to bite you all, if my plot hit. [Exeunt. 
 
 ACT III. SCENE tbt Tavern. 
 Sackbut find the Colonel in an Egyptian Jre/s. 
 
 Pack. A Lucky beginning, Colonel you have 
 
 J~\ got the old beau's confent. 
 
 Col. Ay, he's a reafonable creature ; but the 
 ether three will require fome pains. Shall I pafs 
 upon him, think you ? 'Egad, in my mind, I look 
 a antique as if I had been preferred in the Ark. 
 
 Sai-A, Pafs upon him ! ay, ay, as roundly as 
 B 2 white
 
 28 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 white wine dafli'd with fack does for mountain and 
 fherry, if you have affurance enough 
 
 Col. I have no apprehenfion from that quarter ; 
 affurance is the cockade of a foldier. 
 
 Sack. Ay, but the affurance of a foldier differs 
 much from that of a traveller. Can you lye with 
 a good grace ? 
 
 Col. As heartily, when my miftrefs is the prize, 
 as I would meet the foe when my country call'd, 
 and king commanded : fo don't you fear that part : 
 if he don't know me again, I am fafe. 1 hope 
 he'll come. 
 
 Sack. I wifh all my debts would come as fure : I 
 told him you had been a great traveller, had many 
 valuable curiofities, and was aperfon of a moft fin- 
 gular tafle : he feem'd tranfported, and begg'd me 
 to keep you till he came. 
 
 Col. Ay, ay, he need not fear my running away. 
 Let's have a bottle of fack, landlord, our anceftors 
 ilrank fack. 
 
 Sack. You mail have it. 
 
 Col. And whereabouts is the trap-door you men- 
 tioned ? 
 
 Sack. There's the conveyance, Sir. [Exit. 
 
 Ccl. Now, if I mould cheat all thefe roguiih 
 guardians, and carry off my miftrefs in triumph, 
 it would be what the French call a grand coup 
 
 a* eclat. Odfo! here comes Periwinkle. 
 
 Ah! duce take this beard ; pray Jupiter it does not 
 give me the flip, and fpoil all. 
 
 Enter Sackbut with wine, and Periwinkle fol- 
 lowing. 
 
 Sack. Sir, this gentleman hearing you have been 
 a great traveller, and a perfon of line fpeculation, 
 begs leave to take a glafs with you : he is a man of 
 a curious tafte himfelf. 
 
 Col. The gentleman has it in his face and garb ; 
 Sir, you are welcome. 
 
 Per. Sir, I honour a traveller and men of your 
 enquiring difpufition ; the oddnefs of your habit 
 
 pleafcs
 
 FOR A WIFE. 29 
 
 pleafes me extremely : 'tis very antique, and for 
 that I like it. 
 
 Col. 'Tis very antique, Sir: this habit once- 
 belonged to the famous Claudius Ptolemeus, who 
 lived in the year one hundred and thirty-five. 
 
 Sack. If he keeps up to the fample, he fhall lye 
 with the devil for a bean-flack, and win it every 
 ftraw. . [Afide. 
 
 Per. A hundred and thirty-five ! why, that's 
 prodigious now ! Well, certainly 'tis the fineft 
 thing in the world to be a traveller. 
 
 Col. For my part I value none of the modern 
 fafhions a fig leaf. 
 
 Per. No more don't I, Sir : I had rather be the 
 jeft of a fool, than his favourite. I am laugh'd at 
 here for my fmgularity. This coat, you mull know, 
 Sir, was formerly wore by that ingenious and very 
 learned perfon, Mr. John Tradefcant of Lambeth. 
 
 Col. John Tradefcant ! Let me embrace you, 
 Sir John Tradefcant was my uncle, by my mo- 
 ther's-fide j and I thank you for the honour you do 
 his memory: he was a very curious man indeed. 
 
 Per. Your uncle, Sir Nay, then 'tis no won- 
 der that your tafle is fo refined ; why you have it in 
 your blood. My humble fervice to you, Sir; to 
 the immortal memory of John Tradefcant, your 
 never-to-be-forgotten uncle. \Drinks. 
 
 Col. Give me a glafs, landlord. 
 
 Per. I find you are primitive, even in your wine : 
 Canary was the drink of our wife forefathers; 'tis 
 balfamic, and faves the charge of 'pothecaries cor- 
 dials Oh ! that I had lived in your uncle's days ! 
 or rather, that he were now alive ; Oh ! how 
 proud he'd be of fuch a nephew ! 
 
 Sack. Oh pox ! that would have fpoiPd the jeft. 
 
 [JfiJe. 
 
 Per, A perfon of your curiofity muft have col- 
 lefted many rarities. 
 
 Col. I have fome, Sir, which are not yet come 
 afhore ; as, an Egyptian idol. 
 
 B 3 Per.
 
 30 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Per. Pray what may that he ? 
 
 Col. Jt is, Sir, a kind of an ape, whiclrthey for- 
 merly worfhipp'd in that country : I took it from 
 the breaft of a female mummy. 
 
 Per, Ha', ha ! our women retain part of their 
 idolatry to this day, for many an ape lies on a 
 lady's breaft, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sack. A fmart old thief. [Afide. 
 
 Col. Two tuflcs of an Hippotamus, two pair of 
 Chinefe nut-crackers, and one Egyptian mummy. 
 
 Per. Pray, Sir, have you never a crocodile ? 
 
 Col. Humph ! the boatfwain brought one with 
 a defign to {hew it, but touching at Rotterdam, 
 and hearing it was no rarity in England, he fold 
 it to a Dutch poet. 
 
 Sack. The devil's in that nation, it rivals us in 
 every tiling. 
 
 Per. I mould have been very glad to have feen a 
 living crocodile. 
 
 Col. My genius led me to things more worthy of 
 regard. ' Sir, I have feen the utmoft limits of this 
 
 * globular world ; I have feen the fun rife and fet ; 
 ' know in what degree of heat he is at noon, to the 
 
 breadth of a hair, and what quantity of combuf- 
 ' tibies he burns in a day, and how much of it 
 
 * turns to afhes, and how much to cinders. 
 
 ' Per. To cinders ! You amaze me, Sir: I never 
 ' heard that the fun confum'd any thing. Def- 
 4 cartes tells us 
 
 ' Col. Defcarte.s with the reft of his brethren, 
 ' both ancient and modern, knew nothing of the 
 
 ' matter. 1 tellyou, Sir, that Nature admits an 
 
 ' annual decay, tho' imperceptible to vulgar eyes. 
 ' Sometimeshisraysdeftroy below, fometimes above. 
 
 You have heard of blazing comets, I fuppofe. 
 
 ' Per. Yes, yes, I remember to have feen ore, 
 ' and our atfrologers tell us of another which will 
 '* happen very quickly. 
 
 ' Cal. Thole comets are little iflands bordered on 
 ' the fun, which at certain tiroes are fet on fire by 
 
 that
 
 FOR A WIFE. 31 
 
 ' luminous body's moving over them perpendicu- 
 ' Jarly, which will one day occafion a general con- 
 ' flagration. 
 
 ' Sack. One need not fcruple the Colonel's ca- 
 pacity, faith ! [d/jde. 
 
 ' Per. This is marvellous ftrange! Thefe cinders 
 ' arc what I never read of in any of our learned 
 ' diflertations. 
 
 ' Col. I don't know how the Devil you (hould. 
 
 [Afede. 
 
 ' SacA. He has it at his finger^ ends : one would 
 ' fwear he had learn'd to lye at fchool, he does it 
 ' fo cleverly. \_AJlde. 
 
 ' Per. Well ! you travellers fee ftrange things ! 
 
 * Pray, Sir, have you any of thofe cinders ? 
 
 ' Col. I have, among my other curiofities. 
 
 Per. Oh, what have I loft for want of travel- 
 ' ling ! Pray, what have you clfe ? 
 
 ' Col. Several things worth your attention. I 
 ' have a muff made of the feathers of thofe geefe 
 
 * that fav'd the Roman Capitol. 
 
 Per. Is'tpoflible? 
 
 * Sack. Yes, if you are fuch a gander as to be- 
 ' lieve him. \,dfede. 
 
 ' Col. I have an Indian leaf, which, open, will 
 ' cover an acre of land, yet folds up in fo little a 
 ' compafs, you inay put it into your fnuff-box. 
 
 ' Sac&. Humph! That's a thunderer. [Afide. 
 
 ' Per. Amazing ! 
 
 ' Col. Ah ! mine is but a little one ; I have feen 
 fome of them that would cover one of the Car- 
 ribee Wands. 
 
 ' Per. Well, if I don't travel before J die, I fhan't 
 ' reft in my grave Pray, what do the Indians 
 
 * with them? 
 
 ' Col. Sir, they ufe them in their wars for tents, 
 ' the old women for riding-hoods, the young for 
 
 * fans and umbrellas. 
 
 ' Sack. He has a fruitful invention. [AJide. 
 
 Per. I admire our Eaft-India Company imports 
 
 84 none
 
 32 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 ' none of them ; they would certainly find their 
 account in them. 
 
 ' Col. Right, if they could find the leaves. [AJide? 
 
 Look ye, Sir, do you fee this little phial? 
 Per. Pray you what is it ? 
 Col. This is call'd Pohjlojloio. 
 Per. Poluflojboio /It has a rumbling found. 
 Col. Right, Sir ; it proceeds from a rumbling 
 
 nature. This water was part of thofe waves 
 
 which bore Cleopatra's veflel when fhe fail'd to 
 meet Anthony. 
 
 Per. Well, of all that ever travelled, none had a 
 tafte like you. 
 
 Col. But here's the wonder of the world. This, 
 Sir, is called Zona, or Moros Mufpbcnon ; the virtues 
 of this are ineftimable. 
 
 Per. Moros Mufpbcncx ! What in the name of 
 wifdom can that be ? to me it feems a plain belt. 
 Col. This girdle has carried me all the world 
 over. 
 
 Per. You have carried it, you mean. 
 Col. I mean as I fay, Sir. Whenever I am girded 
 with this, I am invifible; and by turning this little 
 fcrew, can be in the court of the Great Mogul, the 
 Grand Signior, and King George, in as little time 
 as your cook can poach an egg. 
 
 Per. You muft pardon me, Sir, I can't believe it. 
 Col. If my landlord pleafes, he mail try the ex- 
 periment immediately. 
 
 Sack. I thank you kindly, Sir ; bat I have no in- 
 clination to ride poll to the Devil. 
 
 Col. No, no, you fhan't ftir a foot, I'll only make 
 you invifible. 
 
 Sack. But if you could not make mevifible again. 
 Per. Come, try it upon me, Sir, I am not afraid 
 
 of the Devil, nor all his tricks 'Sbud, I'll Hand 
 
 'em all. 
 
 Col. There, Sir, put it on. Come, land- 
 lord, you and I muft face the eaft. [7'by turn about.} 
 Is it on, Sir ? 
 
 Ptr.
 
 F O R A W I F K. 33 
 
 Per. 'Tis on. [They turn about again. 
 
 Sack. Heaven proteft me ! Where is he ? 
 
 Per. Why here, juft where I was. 
 
 Sack. Where, where, in the name of virtue? Ah, 
 poor Mr. Periwinkle ! Egad, look to't, you had 
 belt, Sir; and let him be feen again, or I ihall have 
 you burnt for a wizard. 
 
 Col. Have patience, good landlord. 
 
 Per. But really don't you fee me now ? 
 
 Sack. No more than I fee my grandmother, that 
 died forty years ago. 
 
 Per. Are you fure you don't lie? Methinks I 
 ftand juft where I did, and fee you as plain as I did 
 before. 
 
 Sack. Ah ! I wi(h I could fee you once again. 
 
 Col. Take off the girdle, Sir. [He takes it off.. 
 
 Sack. Ah, Sir, I am glad to fee you with all my 
 heart. [Embraces him. 
 
 Per. This is very odd ; certainly there muft be 
 fome trick in't. Pray, Sir, will you do me the fa- 
 vour to put it on yourfelf ? 
 
 Ccl. With all my heart. 
 
 Per. But firltl'll fecure the door. 
 
 Col. You know how to turn the fcrew, Mr. Sack-- 
 but. 
 
 Sack. Yes, yes, Come, Mr. Periwinkle, we muft 
 turn full eail. 
 
 [They turn, the Colonel Jinks down a trap-doer. 
 
 Col. 'Tis done, now turn. [They turn. 
 
 Per. Ha ! mercy upon me ; my fiefh creeps upon 
 my bones. This muft be a conjurer, Mr. Sackbut. 
 
 Sack. He is the Devil, I think. 
 
 Per. Oh, Mr. Sackbut, why do you name the 
 Devil, when perhaps he may be at your elbow? 
 
 Sack. At my elbow! Marry, heaven. forbid ! 
 
 Col. Are you fatisfied ? [From under thejtage. 
 
 Per. Yes, Sir, yes How hollow his voice 
 
 founds ! 
 
 Sack. Yours feem'd juft the fameFaith, I with 
 this girdle were mine, I'd fell wine no more. Hark 
 
 B 5 y*,.
 
 ^4 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 ye, Mr. Periwinkle, [Takes him afi/e 'fill tbe Colonel 
 t'ifes again.~\ if he would fell this girdle, you might 
 travel with great expedition. 
 
 Ccl. But it is not to be parted with for money. 
 Per. I am forry for't, Sir ; becaufe I think it the 
 Created curiofity I ever heard of. 
 
 Col. B-y the advice of a learned phyfiognomift in 
 Grand Cairo, who confulted the lines in my face, 
 I returned to E ngland, where he told me I mould 
 find a rarity in the keeping of four men, which I 
 was born to poflefs for the benefit of mankind ; and 
 the />_/? of the four that gave me his confent, I 
 
 fhould prefent him with this girdle Till I have 
 
 found this jewel, I fhall not part with the 
 girdle. 
 
 Per. What can that rarity be ? Didn't he narae 
 it to you ? 
 
 Ccl. Yes, Sir: he called it a chafle, beautiful, 
 tinnfFecled woman. 
 
 Per. Pifli ! women are no rarities - I never 
 had any great tafle that way. I married, indeed, 
 to pleafe'my father, and i got a girl to pleafe my 
 wife ; but me and the child (thank Heaven) died 
 together Women .ire the very geugaws of the 
 creation ; play-things for beys, who, when they 
 write man, they ought to throw afjde. 
 
 Sack. A fine leduie to be read to a circle of 
 ladies ! \AJide. 
 
 Per. What woman is there, dreft in all tlve pride 
 and foppery of the times, can boaft of fuch a fore- 
 top as the cockatto ? 
 
 Col. I mull humour him [sffle.] Such a fkin 
 as the Lizzard ? 
 
 Per. Such a mining brenil as the Humming Bird ? 
 Ccl. Such a fhape as the Antelope ? 
 Per. Or, in all the artful mixture of their vari- 
 ous drefles, have they half the beauty of one box 
 of butterflies ? 
 
 Col. No, that mud be allcr.v'd For my part, if 
 
 it were not for the benefit of mankind, I'd have 
 
 g nothing
 
 F O R A W I F E. 35 
 
 nothing to do with them, for they are as indifferent 
 to me as a fparrow or a flefh-fly, 
 
 Per. Pray, Sir, what benefit is the world to reap 
 from this lady? 
 
 Col. Why, Sir, (he is to bear me a fon, who fhall 
 revive the art of embalming, and the old Roman 
 manner of burying the dead; and for the benefit of 
 poilcrity, he is to difcover the longitude, fo long 
 fought for in vain. 
 
 Per. Od ! thefe are valuable things, Mr. Sackbut! 
 
 Sack. He hits it off admirably, and t'other fwal- 
 lows it like fack and lugar \_AJid e.~\ Certainly this 
 lady muft be your ward, Mr. Periwinkle, by her 
 being under the care of four perfons. 
 
 Per. By the defcription it mould 'Egad, if I 
 
 could get that girdle, I'd ride with the fun, and make 
 the tcur of the world in four and twenty hours. 
 [Ajide.} And are you to give that girdle to the^V/? 
 of the four guardians that fhall give his confent to 
 marry that lady, fay you, Sir? 
 
 Col. I am fo order'd, when I can find him. 
 
 Per. I fancy I know the very woman her name 
 is Anne Lovely ? 
 
 Ccl. Excellent! He faid, indeed, that the firft 
 letter of her name was L. 
 
 Per. Did he really ? Well, that's prodigioufly 
 amazing, that a perfon in Grand Cairo mould know 
 any thing of my ward. 
 
 Col. Your ward ! 
 
 Per. To be plain with you. Sir j I am one of 
 thofe'/**r guardians. 
 
 Col. Are you indeed. Sir? I am tranfported to find 
 the man who is to poflefs this Moras Mofphonon is a 
 perfon of fo curious a tafte Here is a writing 
 drawn up by that famous Egyptian, which if you 
 will plcafe to fign, you muit turn your face full 
 north, and the girdle is your's. 
 
 Per. If I live till this boy is born, I'll be em- 
 balm'd, and fent to- the Royal Society when I die. 
 
 Col. That you mail molt certainly. 
 
 B 6 Enter
 
 36 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Enter Draiuer. 
 
 Draiu. Here's Mr. Staytape, the taylor, enquires 
 for you, Colonel. 
 
 Col. Who do you fpeak to, you fon of a whore ? 
 
 Per. Ha ! Colonel. [Afidt. 
 
 Col. Confound the blundering dog ! [AJide* 
 
 Draw. Why, to Colonel 
 
 Sack. Get you out, you rafcal. 
 
 [Kicks him out, and goes after him. 
 
 Draw. What the devil is the matter ? 
 
 Col. This dog has ruin'd all my fchemes, I fee 
 by Periwinkle's looks. [AJide. 
 
 Per. How finely I mould have been chous'd 
 Colonel, you'll pardon me that I did not give you 
 your title before it was pure ignorance, faith it 
 was Pray hem, hem ! Pray, Colonel, what poft 
 had this learned Egyptian in your regiment ? 
 
 Col. A pox of yoar fneer. \Afide ] I don't un- 
 deritand you, Sir. 
 
 Per, No, that's flrange ! I underfland you, Co- 
 lonel An Egyptian of Grand Cairo! ha, ha, ha ! 
 I am forry fuch a well-invented tale Ihould do you 
 no more fervice We old fellows can fee aa Lir int-j 
 a millilone- as them that pick it I am not to be 
 trick'd out of my truft mark that, 
 
 Ccl. The Devil ! I mult carry it off, I wifli I were 
 fairly out. \_Ajide.\ Look ye, Sir, you may make 
 what jeft you pleafe but the liars will be obey'd, 
 Sir, and, depend upon't, I lhall have the lady, and 
 you none of the girdle. ' Now for Mr. Freeman's 
 ' part of the plot.' [AJide.'} [Exit. 
 
 Per. The ftars ! ha, ha ! No ftar has favoured you, 
 it feems The girdle ! ha, ha, ha ! none of your Le- 
 gerdemain tricks can pafs upon me Why, what a 
 pack of trumpery has this rogue picked up His Pa- 
 god, Polujto/boio, his Zsnos, Moras Mufpbonons, and the 
 Devil knows what But I'll take care Ha, gone ! 
 Ay, 'twas time to fneak off. Soho! the houfe ! 
 [Enter Sackbut.] Where is this trickfter? Send for a 
 conftable, I'll have this rafcal before the Lord 
 
 Mayor ;
 
 F O R A W I F E. 37 
 
 Mayor ; I'll Grand Cairo him, with a pox to him 
 I believe you had a hand in putting this impollure 
 upon me, Sackbut. 
 
 Sackbut. Who I, Mr. Periwinkle ? I fcorn it ; I 
 perceiv'd he was a cheat, and left the room on pur- 
 pofe to fend for a conftable to apprehend him, and 
 endeavour to flop him when he went out But the 
 rogue made but one ftep from the ftairs to the door, 
 call'd a coach, leap'd into it, and drove away like 
 the Devil, as Mr. Freeman can witnefs, who is at 
 the bar, and defires to fpeak with you : he is this 
 minute come to town. 
 
 Per. Send him in. [Exit Sackbut.] What a 
 fcheme this rogue has laid ! How I mould have been 
 laugh'd at, had it fucceeded ! [Enter Freeman 
 booted and f purred. ~\ Mr. Freeman, * your drefs 
 ' commands your welcome to town, what will you. 
 ' drink ?' I had like to have been impos'd upon 
 by the verieft rascal 
 
 Free. I am forry to hear it The dog flew for't : 
 he had not fcap'd me, if I had been aware of him ; 
 Sackbut Itruck at him, but mifs'd his blow, or he 
 had done his bufinefs for him. 
 
 Per. I believe you never heard of fuch, a contri- 
 vance, Mr. Freeman, as this fellow had found out. 
 
 Free. Mr. Sackbut has told me the whole ftory, 
 Mr. Periwinkle ; but now I have fomettiing to tell 
 
 you of much more importance to.yourfelf. Ihap^ 
 
 pen'd to lie one night at Coventry, and knowing your 
 uncle Sir Toby Periwinkle, I paid him a vifit, and, 
 to my great furprize, found him dying. 
 
 Per. Dying ! 
 
 Free. Dying, in all appearance ; the fervants 
 weeping, the room in darknefs ; the 'pothecary;, 
 fhaking his head, told me the doctors had given 
 him over ; and then there are fiaall hopes, you 
 know. 
 
 Per. I hope he has made his will he always told 
 me he would make me his heir. 
 
 Free. I have heard you fay as much, and there - 
 2 fore
 
 58 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 fore refolved to give you notice. I flhould think it 
 would not be amifs if you went down to-morrow 
 morning. 
 
 Per. It is a long journey, and the roads very bad. 
 
 Free. But he has a great eftate, and the land 
 very good Taink upon that. 
 
 Per, Why that s true, as you fay ; I'll think upon 
 it : In the mean time, I give yon many thanks for 
 your civility, Mr. Freeman, and mould be glad of 
 your company to dine with me. 
 
 free. I am oblig'd to be at Jonathan's CofFee- 
 IToufe at two, and now it is half an hour after one ; 
 if I diipatch my bufmefs, I'll wait on you ; I know 
 yonr hour. 
 
 Per. You mall be very welcome, Mr. Freeman, 
 and fo your humble fervant. Exit. 
 
 Re-enter Colonel cWSackbut. 
 
 Free. Ka, ha, ha ! I have done your bufmefs, 
 Colonel, he has fwal!ow : d the bait. 
 
 Col. I overheard all, though I am a little in the 
 dark : I am to perfonate a highwayman, I fuppofe 
 that's a project I am not fond of; for though 1 may 
 fright him out of his confent, he may fright me out 
 of my life, when he difcovers me, as he certainly 
 mult in the end. 
 
 Free. No, no, I have a plot for yon without dan- 
 p^r, but firft we muft manage Tradelove Has the 
 taylor brought your cloaths ? 
 
 Sack. Yes, pox take the thief. 
 
 Free. Well, well, no matter, I warrant we have 
 him yet But now you muft put on the Dutch mer- 
 chant. 
 
 Ccl. The duce of this trading plot I wifh he 
 had been an old foldier, that I might have attack'd 
 him in my own way, heard him fight over all the 
 
 bmt' s of the late war But for trade, by Jupiter, 
 
 I fliall never do it. 
 
 Sack. Never fear, Colonel : Mr. Freeman will 
 inftruft you. 
 
 Free. You'll fee v/hat others do: the Coffee- Houfe 
 will inftruft you* CoL
 
 F O R A W I F E. 59 
 
 Ccl. I muft venture, however ' But I have a 
 further plot in my head upon Tradelove, which 
 ' you mnft afiift me in, Freeman : you are in credit 
 ' with him, I heard you fay. 
 
 ' Free. 1 am, and will fcruple nothing to ferve 
 * you, Colonel. 
 
 ' Col. Come along then.' Now for the Dutch- 
 man Honeft Ptolomy. By your leave. 
 
 Now mujl bob-wig and lufinefs come in play ; 
 
 A thirty- tboufand found girl leads the way. 
 
 A C T IV. SCENE Jonathan's Cofie-houfe, in 
 'Change-alley. 
 
 A cro-ivd of people with re Us of paper and parchment in 
 
 their hands ; a bar, and coffee boys waiting. 
 Enter Tradelove and Stock-Jobbers, with Rolls of 
 
 Paper and Parchment . 
 
 ift Stock. OOuth-fca at feven eights ; who buys ? 
 Cj ' zd Stock. South-Sea bonds due at 
 ' Michaelmas, 1718. Clafs lottery-tickets. 
 ' ^d Stock . Eaft-India bonds. 
 ' 4/.6 Stock. What all fellers and no buyers ? gen- 
 ' tleinen, I'll buy a thoufand pound for Tucfday 
 ' next, at three-fourths. 
 
 ' Ceff. Boy. Frelh coffee, gentlemen, frefh coffee.' 
 Trade. Hark ye, Gabriel, you'll pay the dif- 
 ference of that ftock we tranfacted for t'other day ? 
 Gab. Ay, Mr. Tradelove, here's a note for the 
 money ' upon the Sword-blade company.' 
 
 Gives him a Not*. 
 ' Crf. Soy. Bohea tea, gentlemen ?' 
 
 ' Enter a Alan. 
 
 ' Man. Is Mr. Smuggle here ? 
 ' iji Cojf. Boy. Mr. Smuggle's not here, Sir : 
 ' you'll find him at the books. 
 
 ' 2./ Stock. Ho ! here comes two Sparks from 
 * t'other end of che town : what news bring they ?' 
 
 Enter
 
 40 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Enter tivo Gentlemen. 
 
 Trade. I would fain bite the fpark in the brown 
 coat : he comes very often into the alley, but never 
 employs a broker. 
 
 Enter Colonel and Freeman. 
 ' zd Stock. Who does any thing in the civil-lift 
 
 * lottery, or Caco ? Zounds, where are all the 
 
 * Jews this afternoon ? Are you a bull or a bear 
 ' to-day, Abraham ? 
 
 ' tf Stock. A bull, faith but I have a good 
 
 * putt for next week.' 
 
 Trade. Mr. Freeman, your fervant ! Who is that 
 Gentleman ? 
 
 Free. A Dutch merchant juft come to England ; 
 but hark ye, Mr. Tradelove I have a piece of 
 news will get you as much as the French King's 
 death did, if you are expeditious. 
 
 Free. [Shewing him a letter.] Read there : I re- 
 ceived it juft now from one that belongs to the 
 Emperor's Minifter. 
 
 Trade. [Reads.] Sir, as I have many obligations 
 to you, I cannot mijs any opportunity to Jbe<~w my grati- 
 tude : this moment my Lord has received a private ex* 
 frefs, that the Spaniards have rats' d their feege from 
 before Cagliari ; if ibis proves any advantage to you, 
 it will an/kver both the ends and nuijhes of, Sir, year 
 ir.ojl obliged bumble Servant, 
 
 Henricus Dufleldrop. 
 PoSfcript. 
 
 In two or three hours the news will be public. 
 
 May one depend upon this, Mr. Freeman ? 
 
 \_AJide to Freeman. 
 
 Free. You may I never knew this perfon fend 
 e a falfe piece of news in my life. 
 
 Trade. Sir, I am much obliged to you : 'egad 'tis 
 rare news. Who fells South-Sea for next week ? 
 
 Stock-Job. [M together.] I fell ; I, I, I, I, I fell. 
 
 \Ji Stock. I'll fell 5000!. for next week, at fivs- 
 eights. 
 
 2d Stock. I'll fell ten thoufand, at five-eighth*, 
 for the fame time. Trade..
 
 F O R A W I F E. 41 
 
 Trade. Nay, nay, hold, hold, not all together, 
 Gentlemen : I'll bq no bull, I'll buy no more than 
 I can take : Will you fell ten thoufand pounds at a 
 half, for any day next week, except Saturday ? 
 ij} Stcck. I'll fell it you, Mr. Tradelove. 
 
 Free. \Whifpcrs to one of the Gentlemen.'} 
 
 Gent. \Ajide.] The Spaniards rais'd the fiege of 
 Cagliari ! I don't believe one word of it. 
 
 zd Gent. Rais'd the fiege ! as much as you have 
 rais'd the monument. 
 
 Free. 'Tis rais'd, I aflure you, Sir. 
 
 id Gent. What will you lay oa't ? 
 
 Free. What you pleafe. 
 
 ift Gent. Why, I have a Brother upon the fpot, 
 in the Emperor's fervice : I am certain if there 
 were any fuch thing, I mould have had a letter. 
 
 ' id Stock. How's this ? the fiege of Cagliari 
 rais'd ? I wifti it may be true, 'twill make bufi- 
 nefs ftir, and ftocks rife. 
 
 ' \Ji Stock. Tradelove's a cunning fat bear : if this 
 news proves true, I mail repent I fold him the five 
 thoufand pounds. Pray, Sir, what affurance have 
 you that's the fiege is rais'd ? 
 
 ' Free. There is come an exprefs to the Emperor's 
 ' mir.ilter. 
 
 ' zd Stock. I'll know that prefently.' 
 
 iy? Gent. Let it come where it will, I'll hold you 
 fifty pounds 'tis falfe. 
 
 Free. 'Tis done. 
 
 zd Gent. I'll lay you a brace of hundreds upon 
 the fame. 
 
 Free* I'll take you. 
 
 ' 4/ Stack. 'Egad, I'll hold twenty pieces 'tis 
 .' not rais'd, Sir. 
 
 ' Free. Done with you too.' 
 
 Trade. I'll lay any man a brace of thoufands the 
 fiege is rais'd. 
 
 Free. The Dutch merchant is your man to take in. 
 \_Afide to Tradelove. 
 
 Trade. Does he not know the news ? 
 
 Fret.
 
 42 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Fret. Not a fyllable ; if he did, he would bet a. 
 hundred thoufand pounds as foon as one penny 
 he's plaguy rich, aud a mighty man at wagers. 
 
 [To Tradelove. 
 
 Trade. Say you fo ? 'Egad, I'll bite him, if 
 poflible : Are you from Holland, Sir ? 
 
 Col. Ya, Mynheer. 
 
 Trade. Had you the news before you came away ? 
 
 Col. What believe you, Mynheer i 
 
 Trade. What do I believe ? Why, I believe that 
 the Spaniards have a&ually rais'd the fiege of Cag- 
 liari. 
 
 Col. Wat Duyvel's news is dat? 'Tis niet waer, 
 Mynheer^ 'tis no true, Sir ! 
 
 Trade. 'Tis fo true, Mynheer, that I'll lay you 
 two thoufand pounds upon it. You are fure the 
 letter may be depended upon, Mr. Freeman ? 
 
 Free. Do you think I would venture my money if 
 I were not fure of the truth of it ? 
 
 [djideto Tradelove. 
 
 Col. Two duyfend pound, Mynheer, 'tis gadaen 
 dis gentleman fal hold de gelt. 
 
 [Gives Freeman money. 
 
 Trade. With all my heart this binds the wager. 
 
 Free. You have certainly loft, Mynheer, the fiege 
 is rais'd indeed. 
 
 Col. ' Ik geloy't niet, Mynheer Freeman,' ik fal 
 ye dubbled honden, ifyoupleafe. 
 
 Free. I am let into the fecret, therefore won't win 
 your money. 
 
 Trade. Ha, ha, ha! I have fnapt the Dutchman, 
 faith, ha, ha ! this is no ill day's work. Pray, may 
 I crave your name, Mynheer ? 
 
 Col. Myn Naem, Mynheer! myn naem is Jaji 
 van Timtamtirelereletta Heer Fainwell. 
 
 Trade. Zounds, 'tis a dam'd long name, I fhall 
 never remember it Myn Heer van, Tim, Tim, 
 Tim, What the Devil is it ? 
 
 Free. Oh ! never heed : I know the Gentleman, 
 and will pafs my word for twice the fum. 
 
 TraJt.
 
 FOR A WIFE. 
 
 43 
 
 Trade. That's enough. 
 
 Ccl. You'll hear of me fooner than you'll wifh, 
 old gentleman, I fancy. [Afide.] You'll come to 
 Sackbut's, Freeman. [Exit. 
 
 Free. Immediately. [Afide to the Colonel. 
 
 * 1/7 Man. Humphry Hump here ? 
 
 * id Boy. Mr. Humphry Hump is not here; 
 ' you'll find him upon the Dutch walk.' 
 
 Trade. Mr. Freeman, I give you many thanks 
 fcr your kindnefs -- 
 
 Free. I fear you'll repent when you know all. 
 
 Trade. Will you dine with me ? 
 
 Free. I'm engag'd at Sackbut's ; adieu. [Exit. 
 
 Trade. Sir, your humble fervant. Now I'll feewhat 
 
 I can do upon 'Change with my news. [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE the Tavern. 
 
 Enter Freeman and Colonel. 
 Free. Hz, ha, ha! The old fellow fwallowed 
 the bait as greedily as a gudgeon. 
 
 Col. I have him, faith, ha, ha, ha! His two 
 
 thoufand pound's fecure - If he would keep his 
 
 money, he muft part with the lady, ha, ha ! - 
 
 What came of your two friends? they perform'd 
 
 their part very well : you mould have brought 
 
 'em to take a glafswith us. 
 
 ' Free. No matter, we'll drink a bottle together 
 another time. I did not care to bring them 
 hither : there's no neceflity to trull them with 
 the main fecret, you know, Colonel. 
 ' Col. Nay, that's right, Freeman.' 
 
 Enter Sackbut. 
 
 Sack. Joy, joy, Colonel ! the luckieft accident 
 in the world. 
 
 Col. What fay'ft thou ? 
 Sac&. This letter does your bufmefs. 
 Col. [Reads.] To Obadiah Prim, hofier; near 
 the building call'd the Monument, in London. 
 Free. A letter to Prim ! How came you by it ? 
 SacA. Looking over the letters our poft-woman 
 
 brought
 
 44 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 brought, as I always do, to fee what letters are di- 
 refted to my houfe (for {he can't read, you muft 
 know) I 'fpy'd this direfted to Prim, fo paid for it 
 among the reft. I have given the old jade a pint of 
 wine on purpofe to delay time, till you fee if the 
 letter be of any fervice ; then I'll feal it up again, 
 
 and tell her I took it by miltake 1 have read it, 
 
 and fancy you'll like the projeft. Read, read, 
 Colonel. 
 
 Col. [Reads.] Friend Prim, there is arrived from 
 Penfylvania one Simon Pure, a leader of the faithful, 
 'who bath fojou rne d with us eleven Jays, and hath keen 
 
 cf great comfort to the brethren. He intendeth for 
 
 the quarterly meeting in London ; I have recommended 
 him to thy houfe. I pray thee treat him kindly, and let 
 thy 'wife cherijh him, for he's of weakly conftitution 
 be will depart from us the third day ; which is all from 
 thy friend in the faith. Aminadab Holdfaft. 
 
 Ha, ha, excellent! I underftand you, landlord : I am 
 to perfonate this Simon Pure, am I not ? 
 
 Sack. .Don't you like the hint? 
 
 Col. Admirably well ! 
 
 Free. 'Tis the befl contrivance in the world, if the 
 right Simon gets not there before you 
 
 Col. No, no, the quakers never ride poft : * he 
 ' can't be here before to-morrow at fooneft: do 
 ' you fend and buy me a quaker's drefs, Mr. Sack- 
 but ; and ' fuppofe, Freeman, you mould wait at 
 the Briftol coach, that if you fee any fuch perfon, 
 you might contrive to give me notice. 
 
 Free. I will the country drefs and boots, are 
 they ready ? 
 
 Sack. Yes, yes, every thing, Sir. 
 
 Fret. ' Bring 'em in then. [Exit Sack.]' Thou 
 
 muft difpatch Periwinkle firft remember his 
 
 uncle, Sir Toby Periwinkle, is an old batchelor of 
 feventy-five that he has feven hundred a year, 
 moft iii abbey land that he was once in love with 
 your mother, Ihrewdly fufpefted by fome to be 
 your father. That you have been thirty years his 
 
 ileward,
 
 F O R A W I F E. 45 
 
 fleward and ten years his gentleman remem- 
 ber to improve thefe hints. 
 
 Col. Never fear, let me alone for that but 
 
 what's the fteward's name ? 
 
 Free. His name is Pillage. 
 
 Col. Enough ' [Enter Sackbut 'with cloaths.]' 
 
 Now for the country put [Drejfis. 
 
 Free. 'Egad, landlord, thou deferveft to have the 
 firft night's lodging with the lady for thy fidelity : 
 what fay you, Colonel, mail we fettle a club here ? 
 you'll make one ? 
 
 Col. Make one! I'll bring a fetofhoneft officers, 
 that will fpend their money as freely to the King's 
 health, as they would their blood in his fervice. 
 
 Sack. I thank you, Colonel : here ! here ! [Bell 
 rings. [Exit Sackbut. 
 
 Col. ' So, now for my boots, [puts on boots.~\ Shall 
 I find you here, Freeman, when I come back ? 
 
 Free. Yes, or I'll leave word with Sackbut, 
 
 where he may fend for me. Have you the writ- 
 ings, the will ' and every thing ? 
 
 Col. All, all! [Enter Sackbut. 
 
 Sack . Zounds ! Mr. Freeman ! yonder is Trade- 
 love in the damned'ft paffion in the world. He 
 fwears you are in the houfe he fays you told him 
 you were to dine here. 
 
 Free. I did fo, ha, ha, ha ! he has found himfclf 
 bit already. 
 
 Col. The devil ! he muft not fee me ' in this drefs' 
 now. 
 
 Sack. I told him I expe&ed you here, but you 
 were not come yet 
 
 Free. Very well make you hafte out, Colonel, 
 and let me alone to deal with him : Where is he? 
 
 Sack. In the King's Head. 
 
 ' Col. You remember what I told you ?' 
 
 Free. Ay, ay, very well. Landlord, let him 
 
 know I am come in and now, Mr. Pillage, fuc- 
 
 cefs attend you. [Exit Sack. 
 
 Col. Mr. Proteus rather 
 
 From changing Jhape, and Imitating Jove, 
 / draw tbe happy omens of my love. 
 
 Pm
 
 46 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Tin not the Jirjl young brother of the blade t 
 Who made his fortune in a mafquerade. [Exit Col. 
 Enter Tradelove. 
 
 Free. Zounds! Mr. Tradelove, we're bit it feems. 
 
 Trade. Bit, do you call it, Mr. Freeman ! I am 
 ruin'd. Pox on your news. 
 
 Free. Pox on the rafcal that fent it me. 
 
 Trade. Send it you ! Why Gabriel Skinflint has 
 been at the minister's, and fpoke with him, and he 
 has aflur'd him 'tis every fyllable falfe : he received 
 no fuch exprefs. 
 
 Free. I know it : I this minute parted with my 
 friend, whoprotefled he never fent me any fuch let- 
 ter. Some roguifh flock-jobber has done it on pur- 
 pofe to make me lofe my money, that's certain : I 
 wifh I knew who he was, I'd make him repent ic 
 J have loft 3007. by it. 
 
 Trade. What fignifies your three hundred pounds 
 to what I have loll? There's two thoufand pounds 
 to that Dutchman with a curfed long name, befides 
 the flock I bought? the devil ! I could tear mv 
 fiefli I mull never fhew my face upon 'Change 
 more ; for, by my foul, I can't pay it. 
 
 Free. I am heartily forry for it ! What can I ferv* 
 you in ? Shall I fpeak to the Dutch merchant, and 
 try to get you time for the payment ? 
 
 Trade. Time ! Ads'heart ! I (hall never be able 
 to look up again. 
 
 Free. I am very much concern'd that I was the oc- 
 cafion, and wifh I could be an inllrument of retriev- 
 ing your misfortune; for my own, I value it not. 
 Adfo, a thought comes into my head, that, well 
 improv'd, may be of fervice. 
 
 Trade. Ah! there's no thought can be of any fer- 
 vice to me, without paying the money, or running 
 away. 
 
 Free. How do we know ? What do you think of my 
 
 propofingMifs Lovely to him? He is afingleman . 
 
 and J heard him fay he hada mind to marry an Eng- 
 lifh woman nay, more than that, he faid fome- 
 
 body
 
 F O R A W I F E. 47 
 
 body told him you had a pretty ward he wilh'd 
 you had betted her initead of your money. 
 
 Trade. Ay, but he'd be hang'd before he'd take 
 her inftead of the money: the Dutch are too] co- 
 vetous for that; befides, he did not know that there 
 were three m6re of us, I fuppofe. 
 
 Free. So much the better; you may venture to 
 give him your confent, if he'll forgive you the 
 wager : It is not your bufmefs to tell him that 
 your confent will iignify nothing. 
 
 Trade. That's right, as you iuy ; but will he do 
 it, think you ? 
 
 Free. I can't tell that ; but I'll try what I can do 
 
 with him. ' He has promis'd to meet me here an 
 
 ' hour hence; I'll feel his pulfe, and let you know : 
 ' If I find it feafible, I'll fend for you; if not, you 
 ' are at liberty to take what meafures you pleafe.' 
 
 Trade. You muft extol her beauty, double her por- 
 tion, and tell him I have the entire difpofal of her, 
 
 and that me can't marry without my confent 
 
 and that I am a covetous rogue, and will never 
 part with her without a valuable confideration. 
 
 Free. Ay, ay, let me alone for a lye at a pinch. 
 ; Trade. 'Egad, if you can bring this to be?.r, Mr. 
 Freeman, I'll make you whole again : I'll pay the 
 three hundred pounds you lolt, with all my foul. 
 
 Free. Well, I'll ufe my beil endeavours. 
 Where will you be ? 
 
 Trade. At home: pray Heaven you profper ! If 
 I were but the fole truftee now, I Ihould not fear it. 
 Who the devil would be a guardian, 
 
 If, ivben cajh runs /o<w, our cojfers ? enlarge, 
 
 We cant, like other flocks, transfer our charge ? 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Free. Ha., ha, ha! he has it. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE III. Changes to Periwinkle'; Houfe. 
 Enter Periwinkle on one fide, and Footmen on t'other. 
 Foot. A gentleman from Coventry enquires for 
 you, Sir. 
 
 Per.
 
 48 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Per. From my uncle, I warrant you: bring him 
 
 up.. This will fave me the trouble, as well as 
 
 the expence of a journey. 
 
 Enter Colonel. 
 
 Co/. Is your name Periwinkle, Sir ? 
 
 Per. It is, Sir. 
 
 Co/. I am forry for the mefTage I bring. My old 
 matter, whom I ferved thefe forty years, claims the 
 forrow due from a faithful fervant to an indulgent 
 mafter. \Weeps. 
 
 Per. By this I understand, Sir, my "uncle, Sir 
 Toby Periwinkle, is dead. 
 
 Col. He is, Sir, and he has left you heir to feven 
 hundred a year, in as good abbey land as ever paid 
 Peter-Pence to Rome. 1 wifti you long to en- 
 joy it, but my tears will flow when I think of my 
 benefaftor. \Weeps.~\ Ah! he was a good man he 
 
 has not left many of his fellows the poor lament 
 
 him forely. 
 
 Per. I pray, Sir, what office bore you ? 
 
 Col. I was his fteward, Sir. 
 
 Per. I have heard him mention you with much 
 refpeft ; your name is 
 
 Col. Pillage, Sir. 
 
 Per. Ay, Pillage, I do remember he called you 
 
 Pillage. Pray, Mr. Pillage, when did my uncle 
 
 die? 
 
 Col. Monday laft, at four in the morning. About 
 two he fign'd his will, and gave it into my hands, 
 and ftrictly charg'd me to leave Coventry the mo- 
 ment he expired ; and deliver it to you with what 
 fpeed I could: I have obey'd him, Sir, and there is 
 the will. [Gives it to Per. 
 
 Per. 'Tis very well, I'll lodge it in the Commons. 
 
 Col. There are two things which he forgot toin- 
 fert, but charg'd me to tell you, that he defir'd 
 you'd perform them as readily as if you had found 
 them written in the will, which is to remove his 
 corpfe, and bury him by his father at St. Paul's 
 Covent Garden, and togive all his fervants mourn ing. 
 
 Per.
 
 F O R A W I F E. 49 
 
 Per. That will be a confiderablc charge ; a pox 
 of all modern fafhions. [J/Me.]Wc\\\ it (hall be 
 done. Mr. Pillage, I will agree with one of death's 
 faihion-mongers, call'd nn undertaker, to go down, 
 and bring up the body. 
 
 Col. I hope, Sir, I mall have the honour to ferve 
 you in the fame ftation I did your worthy uncle : 
 I have net many years to ftay behind him, and 
 would gladly fpend them in the family, where I was 
 brought up. [Weeps.'} He was a kind and ten- 
 der mafter to me. 
 
 Per. Pray don't grieve, Mr. Pillage, you mall 
 hold your place, and every thing elfe which you 
 held under my uncle You make me weep to fea 
 you fo concern'd. [Weeps.] He liv'd to a good old 
 age, and we are all mortal. 
 
 Col. We are fo, Sir, and therefore I muft beg you 
 to fign this leafe : You'll find Sir Toby has taken 
 
 particular notice of it in his will 1 could not 
 
 get it time enough from the lawyer, or he had fign' d 
 it before he died. [Gi-ves him a paper. 
 
 Per. A leafe ! for what ? 
 
 Col. I rented a hundred a year of Sir Toby upon 
 leafe, which leafe expires at Lady-day next. I de- 
 fire to renew for twenty years that's all, Sir. 
 
 Per. Let me fee. [Looks over the leafe. 
 
 ' Col. Matters go fwimmingly, if nothing in- 
 tervene. [Afide.* 
 
 Per. Very well Let's fee what he fays in his 
 will about it. 
 [Lays the leafe upon the table, and looks on the 'will. 
 
 ' Col. He's very wary, yet I fancy I mail be too 
 ' cunning for him.' [AJtde. 
 
 Per. Ho, here it is The farm lying now in 
 prffejjion of Samuel Pillage fufer him to reneiu his 
 
 leafe at the fame rent. Very well, Mr. Pillage. 
 
 I fee my uncle does mention it, and I'll perform, 
 his will. Give me the leafe. [Col. gives it him, 
 he looks upon it, and lays it upon the table.} Pray you 
 itep to the door, and call for a pen and ink, Mr. 
 Pillage. 
 
 C Col.
 
 5 o A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Col. I have a pen and ink in my pocket, Sir, 
 [Pulls out an ink-horn.~\ I never go without that. 
 
 Per. I think it belongs to your profeflion. [He 
 looks upon the pen, while the Col. changes the leafe, 
 and lays down the contract .] I doubt this is but a 
 forry pen, tho' it may ferve to write my name. 
 
 [Writes. 
 
 Col. Little does he think what he figns. [AJide. 
 
 Per. There is your leafe, Mr. Pillage [Gives him 
 the paper, ] Now I mult defire you to make what 
 hafte you can down to Coventry, and take care of 
 every thing, and I'll fend down the undertaker 
 for the body ; do you attend it up, and whatever 
 charge you are at, I'll repay you. 
 
 Col. You have paid me alreadv, I thank you, 
 Sir. [Afide. 
 
 Per. Will you dine with me ? 
 
 Col. I would rather not : there are fome of my 
 neighbours which I met as I came along, %vho leave 
 the town this afternoon, they told me, and I mould 
 be glad of their company down. 
 
 Per. Well, well, I won't detain you. 
 
 Col. I don't care how foon I am out. [AJlde. 
 
 Per. I will give orders about mourning. 
 
 Col. You will have caufe to mourn, when you 
 know your eftate imaginary only. [4$* 
 
 ' You '// find your hopes and care alike are vain, 
 ' In fpite of all the caution you hav: to 1 en : 
 ' Fortune regards thifaithfullo<ver y spain.' > [lL\\t. 
 
 Per. Seven hundred a year ! I wifli he had died 
 feventeen years ago : What a valuable collection 
 of rarities might I have had by this time ! I might 
 have traveil'd over all the known parts of the " 
 globe, and made my own clofet rival the Vatican 
 at Rome Odfo, I have a good mind to be- 
 gin my travels now let me fee I am but 
 fixty ! My father, grandfather, and* great grand- 
 father, reach'd ninety odd ; I have almoft forty 
 years good : Let me confider ! what will feven 
 hundred a year amount to in ay ! in thirty 
 6
 
 FOR A WIFE. 51 
 
 years, I'll fay but thirty thirty times feven, 
 
 is feven times thirty that is juft twenty- 
 one thoufand pounds 'tis a greaf deal of 
 money 1 may very well referve fixteen hun- 
 dred of it for a collection of fuch rarities as wifl 
 
 make my name famous to pofterity I would 
 
 not die like other mortals, forgotten in a year o'r 
 two, as my uncle will be 'No, 
 
 With Nature 1 s curious *works f II raife my fame, 
 
 That men, till doom' 3-day, may repeat my name. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 SCENE changes to a Tavern : Freeman and 
 Tradelove over a bottle. 
 
 Trade. Come, Mr. Freeman, here's Mynheer 
 
 Jan Van Tim, Tarn, Tarn 1 (hall never think 
 
 of that Dutchman's name 
 
 Free. Mynheer Jan Van Timtamtirelireletta 
 Heer Van Fainwell. 
 
 Trade. Ay, Heer Van Fainwell : I never heard 
 fuch a confounded name in my life here's his 
 health, I fay. 
 
 Free. With all my heart. 
 
 Trade. Faith I never expedled to have found fo 
 generous a thing in a Dutchman. 
 
 Free. Oh, he has nothing of the Hollander SB 
 his temper except an antipathy to monar- 
 chy. As foon as I told him your circumftances, 
 
 he reply'd, he would not be the ruin of any man 
 for the world and immediately made this propo- 
 
 fal himfelf. Let him take what time he will 
 
 for the payment, faid he ; or if he'll give me his 
 word, I'll forgive him the debt. 
 
 Trade. Well, Mr. Freeman, I can bat thank 
 you. 'Egad you have made a man of me again! 
 and if ever I lay a wager more, may I rot in d. 
 gaol. 
 
 Free. I aflure you, Mr. Tradelove, I was very 
 
 much concern'd, becaufe I was the occafion 
 
 iho' very innocently, I proteft. 
 
 Trade. I dare fwear you was, Mr. Freeman. 
 
 C z Enter
 
 52 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 'Enter p Fidler. 
 ' Fid. Pleafe to have p leflbn of mufic, or a fong, 
 
 * gentlemen ? 
 
 ' Free. Song ! ay, with all our hearts : have 
 you a very merry one ? 
 
 ' Fid. Yes, Sir, my wife and I can give you a 
 ' merry dialogue. [Here is the Jong. 
 
 * Trade. 'Tis very pretty, faith ! 
 
 c Free. There's fomething for you to drink, 
 friend : go ; lofe no time. 
 
 ' Fid. I thank you, Sir. [Exit.* 
 
 Enter Colonel, dreffed for. tie Dutch merchant. 
 
 Col. Ha, Mynheer Tradelove, Ik been forry 
 voor your troubles maer Ik fal you eafie maken, 
 Ik will de gelt nie hebben 
 
 Trade. I mail for ever acknowledge the obliga- 
 tion, Sir. 
 
 Free. But you underftand upon what condition, 
 Mr. Tradelove ; Mifs Lovely. 
 
 Col. Ya, defrow fal al te regt fetten, Mynheer. 
 
 Trade. With all my heart, Mynheer: you fhall 
 have my confent to marry her freely* 
 
 Free. Well, then, as I am a party concern'd 
 between you, Mynheer Jan Van Timtamtirelire- 
 letta Heer Van Fainwell mall give you a difcharge 
 
 of your wager under his own hand, and you 
 
 fhall give him your confent to marry Mifs Lovely 
 
 under yours, that is the way to avoid all 
 
 manner of difputes hereafter. 
 
 Col. Ya, Weeragtig. 
 
 Trade. Ay, ay, fo it is, Mr. Freeman : I'll give 
 it under mine this minute. [Sits do<wn to write. 
 
 Col. And fo Ik fal. [Dees the fame. 
 
 Free. So ho, the houfe, ' [Enter drawer. .] Bid 
 
 * your mafter come up. I'll fee there be wit- 
 
 * nefles enough to the bargain. [dJideS 
 
 Enter Sackbut. 
 
 Sack . Do you call, gentlemen ? 
 Free. Ay, Mr. Sackbut, we fliall want your 
 
 here- 
 
 Trade.
 
 FOR A WIFE. 53 
 
 Trade. There, Mynheer, there's my confent as 
 amply as you can defire ; but you mult infert your 
 own name, for I know not how to fpell it : I have 
 left a blank for it. [Gives the Colonel a Paper. 
 
 Col Ya Ik fal dat well doen 
 
 Free. Now, Mr. Sackbut, you and I will wit- 
 nefs it. [They 'write. 
 
 CoL Daer, Mynheer Tradelove, is yourdifcharge. 
 
 [Gives him a paper. 
 :fs this 
 
 Trade. Be pleafed to witnefs this receipt too, 
 gentlemen. [Freemen and Sackbut// their hands. 
 
 Free. Ay, ay, that we will. 
 
 Col. Well, Mynheer, ye moft meer doen, ye mod 
 Myn voorfprach to de Frow Syn. 
 
 Free, He means, you mult recommend him to 
 the lady. 
 
 Trade. That I will, and to the reit of my brother 
 guardians. 
 
 Col. Wat voor, de duyvel heb you nicer guar- 
 dians. 
 
 Trade. Only three, Mynheer. 
 
 ' Col. What donder heb ye Myn betrocken 
 
 * Mynheer ? Had Ik dat gewoeten, Ik foude 
 
 ' eaven met you geweeft Syn.' 
 
 Sack. But Mr. Tradelove is the principal, and 
 he can do a great deal with the reft, Sir. 
 
 Free. And he mall ufe his intereft, I promiie 
 you, Mynheer. 
 
 Trad. I will fay all that ever I can- think on to 
 recommend you, Mynheer; and ifyoupleafe, I'll 
 introduce you to the lady. 
 
 Col. Well, dat is waer Maer ye muft ftrft fpre- 
 ken of Myn to deFrow, and to oudcre Gentlemen. 
 
 Free. Ay, that's the be ft way and then I and 
 the Heer Van Fainwell will meet you there. 
 Trade. I will go this moment, upon honour 
 
 Your moft obedient humble fervant. My fpeak- 
 
 ing will do you little good, Mynheer : ha, ha ! we 
 have bit you, faith : ha, ha ! 
 
 Well my debt's dif charged, and as for Nan, 
 He has my confent to get her, if he can. [Exit. 
 C 3 Col.
 
 54 ABOLD STROKE 
 
 Col. Ha, ha, ha ! this was a matter-piece of con- 
 trivance, Freeman. 
 
 Free. He hugs himfelf with his fuppofed good 
 fortune, and little thinks the luck's on our fide ! 
 But come, purfue the fickle Goddefs while Ihe's in 
 the mood Now for the quaker. 
 
 Co/. That's the hardeft talk. 
 
 Of all the counterfeits perform 'd by man, 
 
 A j'ddier makes the fimplejl Puritan. [Exeunt. 
 
 ACT V. SCENE Prini'j Houje. 
 
 :er Mrs. Prim and Mifs Lovely, in Quakers' 
 
 Drcffes } meeting. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. O O, now I like thee, Anne : art thou rot 
 i^ better without thy monflrous hoop- 
 coat and patches ? If Heaven mould make thee fo 
 many black fpots upon thy face, wou'd it not fright 
 thee, Anne? 
 
 Mifs Lw. If it {hould turn your in fide outward, 
 and Ihow all the fpots of your hypocrify, 'twou'd 
 fright me worfe ! 
 
 Mrs. Pr. My hypocrify 1 I fcorn thy words, 
 Anne: I lay no baits. 
 
 Mifs Lev. If you did, you'd catch no fifh. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Well, well, make thy jelts but I'd 
 have thee to know, Anr.e, that I could have catch'd 
 as many fifh (as thou call'il them) in my time, as- 
 ever thou did'ft with all thy fool -traps about thee 
 If admirers be thy aim, thou wilt have more of them 
 in this drefs than the other The men, take my 
 word for't, are moil defirous to fee what we are 
 moft careful to conceal. 
 
 Mifs Lav. Is that the reafon of your formality, 
 Mrs. Prim ? Truth will out : I ever thought, in- 
 deed, there was more defign than godlinefs in the 
 pinch'd cap. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Go, thou art corrupted with reading 
 lewd plays, and filthy romances good for nothing 
 
 but
 
 FOR A WIFE. 55 
 
 but to lead youth into the high road of fornication. 
 
 Ah ! I wifh thou art not already too familiar 
 
 with the wicked ones. 
 
 Mifs Lo'v. Too familiar with the wicked ones ! 
 Pray no more of thofe freedoms, Madam I am 
 familiar with none fo wicked as yourfelf How- 
 dare you thus talk to me! you, you, you, un- 
 worthy woman you. [Burjti into tears. 
 Enter Tradelove. 
 
 Trade, What in tears, Nancy ? What have you 
 done to her, Mrs. Prim, to make her weep ? 
 
 Mifs Lov. Done to me ! I admire I keep m* 
 fenfes among you ; but I will rid myfelf of yoi;r 
 tyranny, if there be either law or jnftice to be had ; 
 I'll force you to give me up my liberty. 
 
 Mrs. Prim. Thou haft more need to weep fur 
 thy fins, Anne Yea, for thy manifold fins. 
 
 'Mifs Lov. Don't think that I'll be ilill the fool 
 which you have made me. No, I'll wear what I 
 pleafe go when and where I pleafe and keep 
 what company I think fit, and not what you mall 
 direct I will. 
 
 Trade. For my part, I do think all this very rea- 
 fonable, Mifs Lovely 'tis fit you fhould have your 
 liberty, and for that very purpofe I am come. 
 
 Enter Mr. Periwinkle and Obadiah Prim, with 
 a letter in his band. 
 
 Per. I have bought fome black flockings of your 
 hufband, Mrs. Prim, but he tells me the glover's 
 trade belongs to you ; therefore I pray you look me 
 out five or fix dozen of mourning gloves, fuch as 
 are given at funerals, and fend them to my houfe. 
 
 Ob. Pr. My friend Periwinkle has got a good 
 wind-fall to-day feven hundred a year. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. I wiih thee joy of it, neighbour. 
 
 Trade. What, is Sir Toby dead then ? 
 
 Per. He is ! You'll take care, Mrs. Prim. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Yea, I will, neighbour. 
 
 Ob. Pr. This letter recommendeth a fpeaker ; 'tis 
 
 from Aminadab Holdfalt of Briltol : peradventure 
 
 C 4 he
 
 56 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 he will be here this night; therefore, Sarah, do 
 
 thou take care for his reception 
 
 [Gives her tbt letter. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. I will obey thee. [Exit. 
 
 Ob. Pr. What art thou in the dumps for, Anne ? 
 
 Trade. We muil marry her, Mr. Prim. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Why truly, if we could find a hufband 
 worth having, I fhould be as glad to* fee her mar- 
 ried as thou would'ft, neighbour. 
 
 Per. Well laid, there are but few worth having. 
 
 Trade. I can recommend you a man now, that I 
 think you can none of you have an objection to ! 
 Enter Sir Philip Modelove. 
 
 Per. You recommend ? Nay, whenever me mar- 
 ries, I'll recommend the hufband 
 
 Sir Phil. What muft it be, a whale or a rhinoce- 
 ros, Mr. Periwinkle ? ha, ha, ha ! Mr. Tradelove, 
 J have a bill upon you, [Gives him a paper\ and 
 have been feeking for you all over the town. 
 
 Trade. I'll accept it, Sir Philip, and pay it when 
 due. 
 
 Per. He (hall be none of the fops at your end of 
 the town, with full perukes and empty fkulls, 
 nor yet any of your trading gentry, who puzzle 
 the heralds to find arms for their coaches. No, he 
 ihall be a man famous for travels, folidity, and cu- 
 riofity one who has fearched into the pro- 
 fundity of nature ! When Heaven mall direft fuch 
 a one, he mail have my confent, becaufe it may 
 turn to the benefit of mankind. 
 
 Mifs Lav. The benefit of mankind ! What, 
 would you anatomize me ? 
 
 Sir Phil. Ay, ay, Madam, he would difleftyou. 
 
 Trade. Or, pore over you through a microfcope, 
 to fee how your blood circulates from the crown of 
 your head to the fole of your foot ha, ha ! but I 
 have a hufband for you, a man that knows how to 
 improve your fortune j one that trades to the four 
 corners of the globe. 
 
 Mifs
 
 FOR A WIFE. 
 
 57 
 
 Miff Low. And would fend me for a venture per- 
 haps. 
 
 Trade. One that will drefs you in all fche pride 
 of Europe, Afia, Africa, and America - a Dutch 
 merchant, my girl. 
 
 Sir Phil. A Dutchman ! ha, ha ! there's a huf- 
 band for a fine lady. Ya Frow, will you meet myn 
 Slapen ha, ha ! he'll learn you to talk the lan- 
 guage of the hogs, Madam, ha, ha ! 
 
 Trade. He'll learn you that one merchant is of 
 more fervice to a nation than fifty coxcombs. The 
 Dutch know the trading intereft to be of more be- 
 nefit to the ftate, than the landed. 
 
 Sir Phil, but what is either intereft to a lady? 
 Trade. 'Tis the merchant makes the belle. 
 How would the ladies fparkle in the box without 
 the merchant ? The Italian diamond ! The French 
 brocade ! The Italian fan ! The Flanders lace ! 
 The fine Dutch holland ! How would they vent 
 their fcandal over their tea-tables ? And where 
 would your beaux have Champagne to toaft their 
 miftrefles, were it not for the merchant. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Verily, neighbour Tradelove, thou doft 
 
 wafte thy breath about nothing All that thou 
 
 haft faid tendeth only to debauch youth, and fill 
 
 their heads with the pride and luxury of this world. 
 
 The merchant is a very great friend to Satan, 
 
 and fendeth as many to his dominions as the Pope. 
 
 Per. Right, I fay knowledge makes the man. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Yea, but not thy kind of knowledge- 
 
 it is the knowledge of truth. - Search thou for 
 
 the light within, and not for baubles, friend. 
 
 Mifs Lov. Ah, ftudy your country's good, Mr. 
 Periwinkle, and not her infects. Rid you of your 
 home-bred monfters, before you fetch any from 
 abroad. I dare fwear you have maggots enough in 
 your own brain to ftock all the Virtuofo's in Eu- 
 rope with butterflies. 
 
 Sir Phil. By my foul, Mifs Nancy's a wit. 
 Qb. Pr. That is more than fhe can fay by thee, 
 C 5 friend,
 
 58 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 friend. Look ye, it is in vain to talk, when I meet 
 a man worthy of her, (he ftiall have my leave to 
 marry him. 
 
 Mifs Lov. Provided he be of the faithful. *- 
 
 Was there ever fuch a fwarm of caterpillars to blaft 
 the hopes of a woman ! \Afide. ~\ Know this, that 
 you contend in vain : I'll have no hufband of your 
 chufing, nor mail you lord it over me long. I'll 
 try the power of an Erglifh fenate Orphans have 
 been redrefs'd, and wills fet afide and none did 
 ever deferve their pity more. Oh Fainwell ! where 
 are thy promifes to fiee me from thefe vermin f 
 ' Alas ! the talk was more difficult than he 
 ' imagin'd ! 
 
 ' A harder tajk than what the poets tell 
 
 ' Of yore, the fair Andromeda befel ; 
 
 ' She but one monjter fear'd, P^ve four to fear, 
 
 * And fee no Perfcus, no deti<v y rcr mar? [Exic. 
 
 Enter Servant, and -ivkifpers to Prim. 
 Per. The woman is mad. \Exit. 
 
 Sir Phil. So you are all, in my opinion. [Exit. 
 Ser<v. One Simon Pure enquireth for thee. 
 Ob. Pr. Friend Tradelove, buiinefs requireth 
 my prefence. 
 
 Trade. Oh, I fhan't trouble you. Pox take him 
 for an unmannerly dog However, I have kept 
 my word with my Dutchman, and will introduce 
 him too for all you. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Colonel in a Quaker's habit. 
 Ob. Pr. Friend Pure, thou art welcome : how 
 is it with friend Holdfaft, and all friends in Briltol ? 
 Timothy Littleworth, John Slenderbrain, and 
 Chriftopher Keepfaith ? 
 
 Col. A goodly company ! \Afide.~\ They are 
 all in health, I thank thee for them. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Friend Holdfaft writes me word, that 
 thou cameft lately from Penfylvania : how do all 
 friends there ? 
 
 Col. What the devil mall I fay ? I know juft as 
 jnuch of Penfylvania as I do of Briftol. [Afide. 
 
 Ob. Pr.
 
 FOR A WIFE. S9 
 
 Ob. Pr. Do they thrive ? 
 
 Col. Yea, friend, the bleffing of their good 
 works fall upon them. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Prim and Mifs Lovely. 
 
 Obi Pr. Sarah, know our friend Pure. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Thou art welcome. [Hefalutei her* 
 
 Col. Here comes the fum of all my wimes. 
 How charming me appears even in that difguife ! 
 
 Ob. Pr. Why doft thou confider the maiden fo 
 attentively, friend ? 
 
 Col. I will tell thee : About four days ago I faw a 
 vifion This very maiden, but in vain attire, 
 Handing on a precipice, and heard a voice, which 
 called me by my name and bid me put forth my 
 hand and fave her from the pit. 1 did fo, and 
 methought the damfel grew unto my fide. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. What can that portend ? 
 
 Ob. Pr. The damfel's converfion I am per- 
 fiiaded. 
 
 Mifs Lov. That's falfe, I'm fure - \Afide. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Wilt thou ufe the means, friend Pure ? 
 
 Col, Means ! What means ? Is me not thy daugh- 
 ter, already one of the faithful ? 
 
 Mrs. Pr. No, alas ! flic's one of the ungodly. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Pray thee mind what this good man will 
 fay unto thee : he will teach thee the way that thou 
 iriouldeit walk, Anne. 
 
 Mifs LO--J. I know my way without his inftruc- 
 tion : I hop'd to have been quiet when once I had 
 put on your odious formality here. 
 
 Col. Then thou weareft it out of compulsion, 
 not choice, friend ? 
 
 Mifs Lonj. Thou art in the right of it, friend. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Art thou not afhamed to mimick the 
 good man i Ah ! thou art a ftubborn girl. 
 
 Col. Mind her not ; fhe hurteth not me - If 
 
 thou wilt leave her alone with me, I will difcufs 
 
 fomc few points with her, that may perchance 
 
 C 6 foftea
 
 60 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 foften her ilubbornnefs, and melt her into com- 
 pliance. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Content : I pray thee put it home to her. 
 Come, Sarah, let us leave the good man with 
 her. 
 
 Mift Lov. [Catching bold of Prim, be breaks teo/e, 
 and exit.] What do you mean to leave me with 
 this oldenthufiaflical canter ? Don't think, becaufe 
 I comply'd with your formality, to impofe your ri- 
 diculous doftrine upon me. 
 
 Col. I pray thee, young woman, moderate thy 
 paffion. 
 
 Mifs Lo-v. I pray thee walk after thy leader, you 
 will but lofe your labour upon me. Thefe wretches 
 will certainly make me mad ! 
 
 Col. I am of another opinion ! the fpirit telleth 
 aie I mall convert thee, Anne. 
 
 Mifs Lc<v. 'Tis a lying fpirit, don't believe it. 
 
 Ccl. Say'lt thou fo ? Why then thou fhalt con- 
 vert me, my angel. [Catching her in his arms. 
 
 Mifs Lov. [Shrieks.'] Ah ! moniter, hold off, or 
 I'll tear thy eyes out. 
 
 Col. Hum I for Heaven's fake doil thou not 
 know me ? I am Fainwell. 
 
 Mifs Lo<v. Fainwell! [Enter old Prim.] Oh I'm 
 
 undone ! Prim here I wiih with all my foul I 
 
 had been dumb. 
 
 Ob. Pr. What is the matter ? Why didft thou 
 fhriek out, Anne ? 
 
 Mifs Lev. Shriek out ! I'll fhriek and fhriek 
 again, cry murder, thieves, or any thing, to drown 
 the noife of that eternal babbler, if you leave me 
 with him any longer. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Was that all ? Fie, fie, Anne. 
 
 Col. ' No matter,' I'll bring down her ftomach 
 I'll warrant thee Leave us, I pray thee. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Fare thee well. Verily I was afraid 
 the flefli had got the better of the fpirit. [Exit. 
 
 Col. My charming lovely woman ! [Embraces her. 
 
 Mifs
 
 FOR A WIFE. 61 
 
 Mifs Lov. What mean 'ft thou by this difguife, 
 Fainwell ? 
 
 Col. To fet thee free, if thou wilt perform thy 
 promife. 
 
 Mi/s Lov. Make me miftrefs of my fortune, and 
 make thy own conditions. 
 
 Col. This night (hall anfwer all my wifties See 
 here, I have the confent of three of thy guardians 
 already, and doubt not but Prim will make the 
 fourth. [Prim liftening. 
 
 Ob. Pr. I would gladly hear what arguments the 
 good man ufeth to bend her. [djide, 
 
 Mifs Lo*v. Thy words give me new life, me- 
 thinks. 
 
 Ob. Pr. What do I hear ? 
 
 Mifs LO-TJ. Thou beft of men, Heaven meant to 
 blefs me fure, when I firft faw thee. 
 
 Ob. Pr. He hath mollified her. O wonderful 
 converfion ! 
 
 Col. Ha ! Prim liftening. No more, my love, 
 we are obferved : feem to be edified, and give 'em 
 hopes that thou wilt turn Quaker, and leave the 
 reft to me. \_Aloud. ~\ I am glad to find that thou art 
 touch'd with what I faid unto thee, Anne ; another 
 time I will explain the other article unto thee : in 
 the mean while, be thou dutiful to our friend Prim. 
 
 Mifs Lov. I mall obey thee in everything. 
 Enter Obadiah Prim. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Oh what a prodigious change is here ! 
 Thou haft wrought a miracle? 1 , friend ! Anne, how 
 doft thou like the doctrine he hath preached ? 
 
 Mi/s Lov. So well, that I could talk to him for 
 ever, methinks I am afhamed of my former folly, 
 and afk your pardon, ' Mr. Prim.' 
 
 Col. Enough, enough, that thou art forry : he 
 is no Pope, Anne. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Verily, thou doft rejoice me exceedingly, 
 Friend : will it pleafe thee to walk into the next 
 room, and refrem thy felf ? Come, take the 
 maiden by the hand. 
 
 Col.
 
 6z A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Col. We will follow thee. 
 
 Enter Servant. 
 
 Ser-v, There is another Simon Pure emquirech for 
 thee, Matter. 
 
 Col. The Devil there is. \Afde. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Another Simon Pure ! I do not know 
 him, is he any relation of thine ? 
 
 Col. No friend, I know him not Pox take 
 
 him : I wifh he were in Penfilvania again, with all 
 my foul. \Jfidt, 
 
 Mife Lov. What fliaH I do ? {Afide. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Brine him up. 
 
 . Col. Humph I then one of us muft go down, 
 that's certain Now impudence affift me. 
 Enter Simon Pure. 
 
 Ob. Pr. What is thy will with me, friend ? 
 
 S. Pu. Didft thou not receive a letter from Ami- 
 nadab Holdfaft of Briitol, concerning one Simon 
 Pure ? 
 
 Ob. Pr. Yea, and Simon Pure is already here, 
 friend. 
 
 Col. And Simon Pure will flay here, friend, if 
 it be poflible. [*4&r> 
 
 S. Pu. That's an untruth, for I am he. 
 
 Col. Take thou heed, friend, what thou doft 
 fay : I do affirm that I am Simon Pure.. 
 
 S. P. Thy r.aine may be Pure, friend, but not 
 that Pure. 
 
 Col. Yea that Pure, which my good friend, Ami- 
 nadab Holdfaft, wro to my friend Prim about : the 
 fame Simon Pure that came from Penfilvania, and 
 fojourned in Briftol eleven days : thou would'ft not 
 take my name from me, would'ft thou ? till I have 
 done with it. \Ajide. 
 
 S. Pu. Thy name ! I am aftonifh'd ! 
 Col. At what ? at thy own afTurance ? 
 
 [Going up to him, S. Pure Jlarts lacL 
 S. P. Avaunt, Satan, approach me not : I defy 
 thee and all thy works. 
 
 Mi/sLov. Oh, he'll outcant him Undone, un- 
 done for ever. \AJide*. 
 
 Col.,
 
 FOR A WIFE. 63 
 
 Col. Hark thee, friend, thy fham will not take 
 Don't exert thy voice, thou art too well acquainted 
 with Satan to ftart at him, thou wicked reprobate 
 What can thy defign be here ? 
 
 Enter a fervant and gives Prim a letter. 
 
 Ob. Pr. One of thefe muft be a counterfeit, but 
 which I cannot fay. 
 
 Col. What can that letter be ? [4/iJe. 
 
 S. Pu. Thou muft be the Devil, friend, that's 
 certain ; for no human power can ftock fo great a 
 ralfehood. 
 
 Ob. Pr. This letter fayeth that thou art better 
 acquainted with that prince of darknefs, than any 
 here Read that, I pray thee, Simon. 
 
 [Gives it tbtCo\. 
 
 Col. 'Tis Freeman's hand [Reads} There is a. 
 df i: .gn formed to rob your boufe this nigkt y and cut your 
 t broat ; and for that purpofe there is a man difguifed 
 like a quaker, ivhe is to fa/s for one Simon Pure : the 
 gang, whereof I am one, though now refolded to rob 
 no mere, has been at Briftol: one of them came in the 
 Coach <with the quaker, ivbcfe name he hath taken ; 
 end from what he hath gathered from him, formed that 
 dejign, and did not doubt but he Jhould impofe fo far 
 upon you, as to make you turn out the real Simon Pure, 
 and keep him nvilh you. Make the right ufe cf 'this. 
 Adieu. Excellent well ! \_A_fide: 
 
 Ob. Pr. Doft thou hear this ? [To S. Pure. 
 
 S. Pu. Yea, but it moveth me not ; that doubt- 
 lefs is the impof.or. [Pointing at the Col. 
 
 Col. Ah ! thou wicked one now 1 confider thy 
 face, I remember thou didft come up in the leathern 
 eonveniency with me thou hadft a black bob wig 
 on, and a brown camblet coat with brafs buttons 
 Can'it thou deny it, ha ? 
 
 S. Pu. Yea, I can, and with a fafe confcience 
 too, Friend. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Verily, friend, thou art the moft impu- 
 dent villain I ever faw. 
 
 Mifs Lev. Nay, then I'll have a fling at him.
 
 64 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 [j4/ide.] 1 remember the face of this fellow at Bath 
 Ay this is he that pick'd my lady Raffle's 
 pocket in the grove - Don't you remember that 
 the mob pump'd you, friend ? -- This is the moft 
 notorious rogue - 
 
 S. Pu. What does provoke thee to feek my life ? 
 Thou wilt not hang me, wilt thou, wrongfully ? 
 
 Ob. Pr. She will do thee no hurt, nor thou malt 
 do me none ; therefore get thee about thy bufmefs, 
 friend, and leave thy wicked courfe of life, or thou 
 may'ft not come off fo favourably every where. 
 Simon, I pray thee put him forth. 
 
 Col. Go, friend, I would advife thee, and tempt 
 thy fate no more. 
 
 S. Pu. Yes, I will go, but it mall be to thy confu- 
 fion ; for I mail clear rnyfelf : I will return with 
 fome proofs that mall convince thee, Obadiah, that 
 thou art highly impofed on. [Exif. 
 
 Col. Then there will be no flaying forme, that's 
 certain What the Devil mail I do ? \JJtde. 
 
 Ob. Pr. What monftrous works of iniquity are 
 there in this world, Simon ! 
 
 Col. Yea, the age is full of vice -- S'death, I 
 am fo confounded, I know not what to fay. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Thou art diforder'd, friend -- art thou 
 not well ? 
 
 Col. My Spirit is greatly troubled, and fomething 
 tellech me, that tho' I have wrought a good work in 
 converting this maiden, this tender maiden, yet my 
 labour will be in vain : for the evil fpirit fighteth 
 againil her ; and I fee, yea I fee with the eye of my 
 inward man, that Satan will re-buffet her again, 
 whenever I withdraw myfelf from her ; and fhe will, 
 yea, this very damfel will, return again to that a- 
 bomination from whence I have retriev'd her, as if 
 it were, yea, as if it were out, of the jaws of the 
 fiend. - - 
 
 Ob. Pr. Good lack, thinkeft thou fo ? 
 
 Miff Lov. I mufl fecond him. [Jfide.] What 
 
 meaneth
 
 F O R A W I F E. 65 
 
 meaneth this ftruggling within me ? I feel thefpirit 
 refifteth the vanities of this world, but the flefh is 
 rebellious, yea the flefh I greatly fear the flefh and 
 the weaknefs thereof hum 
 
 Ob. Pr. The maid is infpir'd. [Afide. 
 
 ' Col. Behold, her light begins to fhine forth. 
 
 * Excellent woman. 
 
 * Mifs Lov. This good man hath fpoken comfort 
 ' unto me, yea comfort, I fay ; becaufe the words 
 ' which he hath breathed into my outward ears are 
 ' :;one through and fix'd in my heart, yea verily in 
 ' mine heart, I fay; and I feel the Spirit doth 
 
 love him exceedingly, hum 
 
 Col. She afts it to the life. \Afide.' 
 
 Ob. Pr. Prodigious ! The Damfel is filled with 
 the Spirit, Sarah. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Prim. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. I am greatly rejoiced to fee fuch a 
 change in our beloved Anne. I came to tell thee 
 
 :pper ftayeth for thee. 
 
 Cil. I am not difpofed for thy food, my fpirit 
 longeth for more delicious meat ! fain would I re- 
 deem this maiden from the tribe of finners, and 
 break thofe cords afunder wherewith me is bound, 
 hum 
 
 Mifs Lov. Something whifpers in my ears, me- 
 thinks that I muft be fubjeft to the will of this good 
 man, and from him only mult hope for confolation. 
 
 hum It alfo telleth me, that I am a chofen 
 
 veflcl to raife up feed to the faithful, and that 
 thou mutt confent that we two be one flefh accord- 
 ing to the word hum 
 
 Ob. Pr. What a revelation is here ! This is cer- 
 tainly part of thy vifion, friend: this is the maiden's 
 growing unto thy fide : ah ! with what willingnefs 
 mould I give thee my confent, could I give thee 
 
 her fortune too, but thou wilt never get the 
 
 confent of the wicked ones. 
 
 Cel. I wifh I was fure of your's. \_Afide. 
 
 Ob. Pr. My foul rejoiceth ; yea rejoiceth, I fay, 
 
 to
 
 66 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 to find the Spirit within thee ; for lo, it moveth 
 
 thee with natural agitation yea, with natural 
 
 agitation, towards this good man yea, it ftir- 
 
 reth, as one may fay yea, verily I fay, it ftir- 
 
 reth up thy inclination yea, as one would ilir 
 
 a pudding. All hum ! 
 
 Mifs Lo-v. I fee, I fee ! the fpirit guiding of thy 
 hand, good Obadiah Prim, and now behold thou 
 ait figning thy confent ; and now I fee myfelf 
 within thy arms, my friend and brother, yea, I am 
 become bone of thy bone, and flelh of thy flefh. 
 [Embracing him.~\ Hum 
 
 ' CoL Admirably perform'd. \_Afide. "\ And I 
 
 will take thee in all fpiritual love for an helpmate, 
 
 yea, for the wife of my bofom and now methinks 
 
 I feel a longing yea, a longing, I fay, 
 
 for the confummation of thy love yea, I do 
 
 long exceedingly. 
 
 Mifs Lo-v. And verily, verily, my fpirit feeleth 
 the fame longing. All. Hum ! 
 
 Mrs. Pr. The Spirit hath greatly moved them 
 both friend Prim, thou muft confent, there's no 
 refitting of the Spirit ! 
 
 Ob. Pr. Yea, the light within flieweth me, that 
 I mall fight a good fight and wreftle thro* thofe 
 
 reprobate fiends, thy other guardians; yea, I 
 
 perceive the Spirit will hedge thee into the flock of 
 the righteous. Thou art a chofen lamb yea a 
 chofen lamb, and 1 will not pufh thee back No, 
 
 I will not, I fay; no, thou fhalt leap-a, and 
 
 frifk-a, and flcip-a, and bound, and bound, I fay, 
 yea, bound within the fold of the righteous, 
 
 yea, even within thy fold, my brother. Fetch 
 
 me the pen and ink, Sarah and my hand ihail 
 
 confefs its obedience to the fpirit. 
 
 CoL I wifh it were over. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Prim with Pen and Ink. 
 
 Mifs Low. I tremble left this quaking rogue mould 
 return and fpoil all. [Afede. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Here, friend, do thou write what the Spirit 
 
 prompteth,
 
 FOR A WIFE. 67 
 
 prompteth, and I will figs it. [Col. Jits down. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Verily, Anne, it greatly rejoiceth me, 
 to fee thee reformed from that original wickednefs 
 wherein I found thee. 
 
 Mifs Lov. I do believe thou art, and I thank thee 
 
 Col. [Reads.] 7"/6/V is to certify all whom it may 
 concern, that I do freely gi-ve all my right and title, in 
 Anne Lovely, to Simon Pure, and my full confent that 
 jhe /ball become his wife, according to the form of mar- 
 riage. Witnefs my hand. 
 
 Ob. Pr. That's enough, give me the pen. 
 
 {Signs it. 
 Enter Betty, running to Mifs Lovely. 
 
 Betty. Oh ! Madam, Madam, here's the quak- 
 ing man again : he has brought a coachman and two 
 or three more. 
 
 Mifs Lo-v. Ruin'd pad redemption ! 
 
 \_Afede to the Col. 
 
 Col. No, no, one minute fooner had fpoil'd all ; 
 
 but now here's company coming, friend, give 
 
 me the paper. {Going up to Prim hajtily. 
 
 Ob. Pr. Here it is, Simon ; and 1 wiih thee hap- 
 py with the maiden. 
 
 Mifs Lo<v. 'Tis done, and now Devil do thy word. 
 Enter Simon Pure, ar.d Coachman, &c. 
 
 S. Pu. Look thee, friend, I have brought thefe 
 people to fatisfy thee that I am not that im- 
 poilor which thou did'ft take me for : this is the 
 man that did drive the leather conveniency, and 
 brought me from Briftol, and this is 
 
 Col. Look ye, friend, to fave the court the 
 trouble of examining witnefTes I plead guilty- 
 ha, ha ! 
 
 Ob. Pr. How's this ? Is not thy name Pure, then ? 
 
 Col. No, really, Sir, I only make bold with this 
 
 gentleman's name but I here give it up fafe 
 
 and found : it has done the bufmefs which I had 
 occafion for, and now I intend to wear my own, 
 which mall be at his fervice upon the fame occafion 
 
 at any time, Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 S. Pu.
 
 68 A BOLD STROKE 
 
 S. Pu. Oh ! the wickednefs of the age ! 
 
 ' Coachman. Then you have no further need of 
 ' us. [Exit Coachman, &c, 
 
 ' Col. No, honeft man ; you may go about your 
 ' bufinefs.' 
 
 Ob. Pr. I am ftruck dumb with thy impudence, 
 Anne ; thou haft deceiv'd me and perchance un- 
 done thyfelf. 
 
 Mrs. Pr. Thou art a diflembling baggage, and 
 fiiame will overtake thee. [Exit. 
 
 S. Pu. I am grieved to fee thy wife fo much 
 troubled : I will follow and confole her. [Exit. 
 Enter Servant. 
 
 Per. Thy brother guardians enqtiire for thee : 
 here is another man with them. 
 
 Mifs Lev. Who can that other man be ? 
 
 [To the Colonel. > 
 
 Col. 'Tis one Freeman, a friend of mine, whom 
 1 ordered to bring the reft of the guardians here. 
 Enter Sir Philip, Tradelove, Periwinkle, and 
 Freeman. 
 
 Tree. [To the Colonel.} Is all fafe ? did my letter 
 do you fervice ? 
 
 Col. All, all's fafe ! ample fervice. [JJule. 
 
 Sir Phil. Mifs Nancy, how do'ft do, child ? 
 
 Mifs Lo<v. Don't call me Mifs, friend Philip, my 
 name is Anne, thou knoweft. 
 
 Sir Phil. What, is the girl metamorphos'd ? 
 
 Mifs Lov. I wifh thou wert fo metamorphos'd. 
 Ah ! Philip, throw off that gaudy attire, and wear 
 the cloaths becoming thy age. 
 
 Ob. Pr. I am afhamed to fee thefe men. 
 
 Sir Phil. My age ! the woman is poflefs'd. 
 
 Col. No, thou art poflefs'd rather, friend. 
 
 Trade. Hark ye, Mifs Lovely, one word with 
 you. [Takes hoU of her hand. 
 
 Col. This maiden is my wife, thanks to friend 
 Prim, and thou haft no bufinefs with her. 
 
 [Takes her from him. 
 
 Trade. His wife! hark ye, Mr. Freeman. 
 
 Per.
 
 FOR A WIFE. 69 
 
 ter. Why, you have made a very fine piece of 
 work of it, Mr. Prim. 
 
 Sir Phil. Married to a Quaker ! thou art a fine 
 fellow to be left guardian to an orphan, truly 
 there's a hufband for a young lady ! 
 
 Col. When I have put on my beau cloaths, Sir 
 Philip, you'll like me better 
 
 Sir Phil. Thou wilt make a very fcurvy beau- 
 friend 
 
 Col. I believe I can prove it under your hand that 
 you thought me a very fine gentleman in the Park 
 t'other day, about thirty-fix minutes after eleven : 
 will you take a pinch, Sir Philip One of the fineft 
 fnuff-boxes you ever faw. \PJf eri him fnujf. 
 
 Sir Phil. Ha, ha, ha ! I am overjoyed, faith I 
 am, if thou be'fl the gentleman I own I did give 
 my confent to the gentleman I brought here to- 
 day ; but whether this is he, I can't be pofitive. 
 
 Ob. Prim. Can'ft thou not ? Now I think thou 
 art a fine fellow to be left guardian to an orphan. 
 Thou fhallow-brain'd fhuctlecock, he may be a 
 pick-pocket for ought thou do'ft know. 
 
 Per. You would have been two rare fellows to 
 have been entrufted with the fole management of 
 her fortune, would ye not, think ye? But Mr. 
 Tradelove and myfelf (hall take care of her por- 
 tion. 
 
 Trade. Ay, ay, fo we will Didn't you tell me 
 the Dutch merchant deiired me to meet him here, 
 Mr. Freeman ? 
 
 Free. I did fo, and I am fure he will be here, 
 if you'll have a little patience. 
 
 Col. What, is Mr. Tradelove impatient ? Nay, 
 then, ib ben gereet voor you, heb be, Jan VanTim- 
 tamtirelireletta Heer Van Fain-ivell, vergeeten ! 
 
 Trade. Oh ! pox of the name ! what have you 
 trick'd me too, Mr. Freeman ? 
 
 Col. Trick'd, Mr. Tradelove! did not I give you 
 two thoufand pounds for your confent fairly ? And 
 now do you tell a gentleman he has trick'd you? 
 
 Psr,
 
 yo A BOLD STROKE 
 
 Per. So, fo, you are a pretty guardian, faith, to 
 fell your charge : what, did you look upon her as 
 part of your ftock ? 
 
 Ob. Pr. Ha, ha, ha ! I am glad thy knavery is 
 found out, however 1 confefs the maiden over- 
 reached me, and I had no finifter end at all. 
 
 Per. Ay, ay, one thing or other over-reached you 
 all but I'll take care he fhall never finger a penny 
 
 of her money, I warrant you ; over-reach'd 
 
 quoth'a! Why I might have been over-reach'd 
 too, if I had had no more wit : I don't know but 
 this very fellow may be him that was directed to me 
 from Grand Cairo t'other day. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Col. The very fame. 
 
 Per. Are you fo, Sir ? but your trick would not 
 pafs upon me. 
 
 Col. No, as you fay, at that time it did not, that 
 was not my lucky hour : but hark ye, Sir, I muft 
 let you into one fecret you may keep honeft Johu 
 Tradefcant's coat on, for your uncle bir Toby Pe- 
 riwinkle is not dead fothe charge of mourning will 
 be faved, ha, ha, ha! Don't you remember Mr. 
 Pillage, your uncle's fteward ? Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Per. Not dead ! I begin to fear I am trick'd too. 
 
 Col. Don't you remember the figning of a leafe, 
 Mr. Periwinkle? 
 
 Per. Well, and what fignifies that leafe, if my 
 uncle is not dead ?. Ha ! 1 am fure it was a 
 
 leafe I figned. 
 
 Col. Aye, but it was a leafe for life, Sir, and 
 of this beautiful tenement, I thank you. 
 
 [Taking bold of Mifs Lovely. 
 
 Omnes. Ha, ha, ha ! Neighbours fare. 
 
 Free. So then, I find you are all trick'd, ha, ha! 
 
 Per. I am certain I read as plain a leafe as ever 
 I read in my life. 
 
 Col. You read a leafe I grant you ; but you fign'd 
 this contract. [Shewing a paper. 
 
 Per. How durft you put this trick upon me, Mr. 
 Freeman ? Didn't you tell me my uncle was dying ? 
 
 Free,
 
 F O R A W I F E. 71 
 
 Tree. And would tell you twice as much to ferve 
 my friend, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sir Phil. What the learned and famous Mr. Peri- 
 winkle chous'd too! Ha, ha, ha! I fhall die 
 with laughing, ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Ob. Pr. It had been well if her father had left her 
 to wifer heads than tbinein&mine, friends, ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Trade. Well, fince you have outwitted us all, 
 pray you what and who are you, Sir? 
 
 Sir Phil. Sir, the gentleman is a fine gentleman 
 I am glad you have got a perfon, Madam, who 
 underfrands drefs and good breeding. I was re- 
 folved (he mould have a hulband of my chufing. 
 
 Ob. Pr. I am forry the maiden is fallen into fuch 
 hands. 
 
 Trade. A beau ! nay then me is finely help'd up. 
 
 Mifs Lw. Why beaus are great encouragers of 
 trade, Sir, ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Cal. Look ye, gentlemen I am the perfon who 
 can give the belt account of myfelf, and I mufl beg 
 Sir Philip's pardon, when I tell him, that I have s 
 much averfion to what he calls drefs and breeding, 
 as I have to the enemies of my religion. I have 
 had the honour to ferve his Majefty, and headed a 
 regiment of the bravell fellows that ever pufh'd 
 bayonet in the throat of a Frenchman ; and not- 
 withitanding the fortune this lady brings me, 
 whenever my country wants my aid, this fword and 
 arm are at her fervice. 
 
 And now, my fair, if thoult but deign to fmili, 
 
 I meet a recommence for all my foil : 
 
 Love and religion ne'er admit reftrair.t, 
 
 And force makes many fenners, not one faint ; 
 
 Still free as air the adive mind does rove, 
 
 And Jearches proper objefis for its love ; 
 
 But that once fix 1 d, 'tis pa ft the fciver of art 
 
 To cbace the dear idea from the heart : 
 
 ' Tts liberty of choice that fwectens life, 
 
 Makes the glad hufband and the happy wife. 
 
 E P I.
 
 EPILOGUE, 
 
 Written by Mr. SEWEL: 
 Spoken by Mrs. BULLOCK. 
 
 T/f/'HAT newftrange ways our modern beaus devifef 
 
 What trials of Love-Jkill, to gain the prize / 
 The Heathen Gods, who never mattered rapes, 
 Scarce wore fuck ftrange 'variety of Jbapes : 
 The Devil take their odious barren Jkulls, 
 To court in form e/"fnakes and filthy bulls : 
 Old Jove once nick' d it too, as I am told, 
 In a 'whole lapful of true Jiandard gold; 
 How mujl his godjhip then fair Danae warm ! 
 In trucking ware_/cr ware there is no harm. > 
 
 Well after all that, money has a charm. j 
 
 But now, indeed, that Jiale. invention* s paft ', ~) 
 
 Bejides you knew that guineas fall fo f aft , f 
 
 Poor nymph muft come to pocket-piece at laft. j 
 
 Old Harry's face, or good Queen Befs' s ruff, 
 Not that I'd take 'em may do well enough ; 
 No my ambitious /fir it's far above 
 *rhofe little tricks of mercenary lovs. 
 That man be mine, who like the Col'nel here, 
 Can top his character in ev'ry fphere ; 
 Who can a thcufand ways employ his ivii, 
 Q ut -prcmife flat ejmen, and out-cheat a cit : 
 Beyond the colours of a traveller paint, 
 And cant, and ogle too beyond a faint. 
 The laft difguije mojl pleas' d Me, I confefs, 
 The re ' s fame thing tempting in the preaching drrfs j 
 jfnd pleas' d me more than cnce a dame of note, 
 Who lov'd her hufband in his footman's coat. 
 To fee one eye in wanton motions play' d, 
 
 The other to the heav'nly regions Jiray'd, > 
 
 As if, it for it's fellow's frailties pray 1 d ; J 
 
 But yet I hope, for all that I have f aid, 
 To find my fpoufe a, man of war in bed. 
 
 3
 
 CONSCIOUS LOVERS . .iv
 
 THE 
 
 CONSCIOUS LOWERS, 
 
 A 
 
 COMEDY, 
 
 WRITTEN BY 
 
 SIR RICHARD STEELE. 
 
 Marked with the Variations of the 
 
 MANAGE R's BOOKS, 
 
 AT THE 
 
 C&cattC'-Bogal in Dow-Lane, 
 
 ILLUD GENUS KA3R AT1OSIS, Q_UOI> IN P E R SON I S POE I T U M 
 EST, DEBET HABERE SERMOMS F E S T IV I T A T E M, ANIMO- 
 
 SUBITAM L^ETITIAM, JUCUKDUM, EXITUV, RESUM. 
 
 Clc. Rbetar. f d Keren*. Lit. i. 
 
 # 
 
 L 2V D A'.- 
 
 PRINTED FOR W. S T R A H A N, W. OWE\- 
 
 T. C A S L O N, T. L O W N D E S, W. N I C O L L, 
 
 AND S. B LAD ON, 
 
 M.DCC.LXTVI.
 
 j The Reader is defired to obferve, that the Paflagcs 
 
 omitted in the Reprefentation at the Theatres are here 
 
 preferved, and marked with inverted Commas j as i 
 
 Line 6 to 29 in Page 5.
 
 PROLOGUE, 
 
 By Mr. W E L S T E D. 
 
 OT'O 'win your hearts, and to fecure ycur prnife t 
 *- The comic-writers ftrive by 'various wajs : 
 By fulfil ft rat ag ems they aft their game, 
 And leave utttry *d no avenue to fame. 
 One ^writes the fpoufe a beating from his wiff ; 
 And fays , each ftroke was copy' d from the life. 
 Some fix all wit and humour in grimace , 
 And make a livelihood of Pinkey'jface : 
 Here, one gay Jhew and cojlly habits tries , 
 dufiding to the judgment of your eyes : 
 Another fmuts his fcene (a cunning Jhaver) 
 Sure cf the rakes and of the wenches favour. 
 Oft* have thefe arts prevailed; and one may guefs, 
 If pra&is'd e'er again, wculd find fuccefs. 
 But the bold /age, the pcet cf to-night, 
 By new and dejp' rate rules refolv V to write ; 
 Fain would he give more juft applaufes rife, 
 And pleafe by ivit that f corns the aids of vice : 
 *The praife he fceks, from worthier motives fpr ings, 
 Sitchpraife, as praife, to thofe that give it, brings. 
 
 Tour aid, mcft humbly f aught, then, Britons, lend. 
 And liberal mini, like liberal men, defend ; 
 No more let rilt-:!dry, with licence ii-r/V, 
 Ufurp tie ni:i>i! of eloquence or wit ; 
 No more let Unuleft farce uncer.fur'd go, 
 The lewd dull gleanings cf a Smithfieldy!?'c<w. 
 'Ti s yours, with breeding to refine the age, 
 To chaften wit, and mcrtilize the ftage. 
 
 Ye modeft, wife and good, ye fair, ye brave t 
 To-night the champion of your virtues fave, 
 Redeem from long contempt the comic name, 
 And judge pclittly for your Country's fame. 
 
 A z Dramatis
 
 != 
 
 So^S 
 
 C2 
 
 l-H 
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 THE 
 
 CONSCIOUS LOWERS. 
 
 ACT I. S C E N E Sir John Bevil'j Heu/t. 
 
 Enter Sir John Bcvil and Humphrey. 
 
 A V E you ordered that I 
 not be interrupted while I am 
 
 SirJ. Bc-v. T T AVE you ordered that I mould 
 
 dreffing ? 
 
 Humph. Yes, Sir : I believ'd you had fomething of 
 moment to fay to me. 
 
 ' Sir J. Bev. Let me fee, Humphrey ; I think it 
 ' is now full forty years fmce I firft took thee, to be 
 ' about my felf. 
 
 ' Hi./npb. I thank you, Sir, it has been an eafy 
 ' forty years ; and I have pafs'd 'em without much 
 ' ficknefs, care, or labour. 
 
 * Sir J. Bev. Thou haft a brave conftitution : you 
 are a year or two older than I sm, firrah. 
 
 ' Hinnpb. You have ever been of that mind, Sir. 
 
 ' S/r J. Bcv. You knave, you know it : I took 
 ' thee for thy gravity and fobriety, in iny wild 
 ' years. 
 
 ' Humph. Ah, Sir ! our manners were form'd from 
 ' our different fortunes, not our different age 1 . 
 ' Wealth gave a loofe to your youth, and poverty 
 ' put a reftraint upon mine. 
 
 ' Sir J. Be<v. Well, Humpkrey, you kno\v 1 have 
 ' been a kind mailer to you : I have us'd you, for 
 ' the ingenuous nature I obferv'd in you from the 
 ' beginning, more like an humble friend than a 
 1 fcrvant. 
 
 ' Humph. I humbly beg you'll be fo tender of me, 
 ' as to explain your commands. Sir, without any 
 ' farther preparation.' 
 
 A 3 Sir J. ev.
 
 6 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Sir J. Eev. I'll tell thee then. In the firft place, 
 this wedding of my fon's, in all probability, ((hut 
 the door) will never be at all. 
 
 -Humph. How, Sir ! not be at all ? for what reafon 
 is it carry'd on in appearance ? 
 
 Sir J. Bev. Honeft Humphrey, have patience, 
 and I'll tell thee all in order. I have myfelf, in 
 fome part of my life, liv'd (indeed) with freedom, 
 but, 1 hope, without reproach : Now, I thought 
 liberty would be as little injurious to my fon ; 
 therefore, as foon as he grew towards man, I in- 
 dulg'd him in living after his own manner : I knew 
 not how, otherwife, to judge of his inclination ; 
 for what can be concluded from a behaviour under 
 reltraint and fear I But what charms me above all 
 exprefiion is, that my fon has never in the leafl 
 action, the mott diflant hint or word, valued him- 
 feif upon th^t great eilate of his mother's, which, 
 according to our marriage fettlement, he has had 
 ever fince he came to age. 
 
 ' Huf,ij>h. No, Sir ; on the contrary, he fcems 
 afraid of appearing to enjoy it, before you, or any 
 belonging to you He is as dependant and relign'd 
 to your will, as if he had not a farthing but what 
 mull come from your immediate bounty You have 
 ever a&ed like a good and generous father, and he 
 like an obedient and grateful fon. 
 ' Sir y. Bev. Nay, his carriage is fo eafy to all 
 with whom he converfes, that he is never affuming, 
 never prefers himfelf to others, nor ever is guilty of 
 that rough fincerity which a man is not call'd to, 
 and certainly difobliges moft of his acquaintance : 
 to befliort, Humphrey, his reputation was fo fair in 
 the world, that old Sealand, the great India mer- 
 chant, has offered his only daughter, and fole 
 heirefs to that vaft eftate of his, as a wife for him ; 
 you may be fure I made no difficulties, the match 
 was agreed on, and this very day named for the 
 wedding. 
 ' Humph. What hinders the proceeding?' 
 
 Sir J. Bev*
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 7 
 
 Sir jf. Bev. Don't interrupt me. You know, I 
 was lait Thurfday at the inalquerade ; my fon, you 
 
 may remember, foon found us out He knew his 
 
 grandfather's habit, which I then wore ; and tho' 
 it was the mode, in the laft age, yet the maikers, you 
 know, follow'd us as if we had been the molt mon- 
 Itrous figures in that whole affembly. 
 
 Humph. I remember indeed a young man of qua- 
 lity in the habit of a clown, that was particularly 
 troublefome. 
 
 Sir J. Bev. Right He was too much what he 
 feem'd to be. You remember how impertinently he 
 follow'd, and teaz'd us, and wou'd know who we 
 were. 
 
 Humph. I know he has a mind to come into that 
 particular. [AJide. 
 
 Sir y. Be-v. Ay, he follow'd us, till the gentleman 
 who led the lady in the Indian mantle prefented that 
 gay creature to the ruflick, and bid him (like Cymon 
 in the fable) grow polite, by falling in love, and let 
 that worthy old gentleman alone, meaning me : 
 The clown was not reform'd, but rudely perfilted, 
 and offer'd to force off my mafk : with that the gen- 
 tleman throwing off his own, appear'd to be my fon, 
 and in his concern for me, tore oiF that of the noble- 
 man : at this they feiz'd each other, the company 
 call'd the guards, and in the furprize, the lady 
 fwoon'd away : Upon which my fon quitted his aci- 
 
 verfary, and had now no care but of the lady 
 
 when raifing her in his arms, Art thou gone, cr\ % d 
 
 he, for ever forbid it Heav'n ! She revives at 
 
 his known voice and with the mod familiar tho' 
 
 modeft gefture hangs in fafety over his moulder 
 weeping, but wept as in the arms of one before whom 
 fhe could give herfelf a loofe, were fiie not under 
 obfervation : while me hides her face in his neck, he 
 carefully conveys her from the company. 
 
 Humph. I have obferv'd this accident has dwelt 
 upon you very ftrongly. 
 
 Sir y. e-v. Her uncommon air, her noble modefty, 
 A 4 the
 
 S THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 the dignity of her perfon, and the occafion itfelf, 
 drew the whole aflembly together ; and I foon heard 
 it buzz'd about, fhe was the adopted daughter of a 
 famous fea-officer, who had ferv'd in France. Now 
 this unexpected and public difcovery of my fon's fo 
 deep concern for her 
 
 Humph. Was what I fuppofe alarm'd Mr. Sealar.d 
 in behalf of his daughter, to break off the match. 
 
 Sir y. JBev. You are right He came to me 
 
 yefterday, and faid, he thought himfelf difengag'd 
 from the bargain ; being credibly informed my fon 
 was already marry'd, or worfe, ta the lady at the 
 mafquerade. I palliated matters, and infifted on our 
 agreement ; but we parted with little lefs than a 
 direft breach between us. 
 
 Humph. Well, Sir ; and what notice have you takea 
 of all this to my young mafter ? 
 
 Sir J. ev. That's what I wanted to debate with 
 
 you 1 have faid nothing to him yet But look 
 
 yea, Humphrey if there is fo much in this amour 
 
 of his, that he denies upon my fummons to marry, 
 I have caufe enough to be offended ; and then by my 
 infifting upon his marrying to-day, I fhall know how 
 far he is engag'd to this lady in mafquerade, and 
 from thence only fhall be able to take my meafures: 
 in the mean time, I would have you find out how far 
 
 that rogue his man is let into his fecret He, I 
 
 know, will play tricks as much to erofs me, as to 
 ferve his mafter. 
 
 Humph. Why do you think fo of him, Sir ? I be- 
 lieve he is no worfe than I was for you, at your fon's 
 age. 
 
 Sir J. Bev. I fee it in the rafcal's looks. But I 
 have dwelt on thefe things too long: I'll go to my 
 fon immediately, and while I'm gone, your part is 
 to convince his rogue Tom that I am in earneft. I'll 
 leave him to you. [Exit Sir John Bevil. 
 
 Humph. Well, tho' this father and fon live as well 
 together as poffible, yet their fear of giving each 
 other pain, is attended with conftant mutual uneafi- 
 
 nefs.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 9 
 
 nefs. ' I'm fure I have enough to do to be honcft, 
 ' and yet keep well with them both ; but they know 
 ' I love 'em, and that makes the tafk lefs painful hovv- 
 
 ' ever.' Oh, here's the prince of" poor coxcombs, 
 
 the reprefentative of all the better fed than taught. 
 Ho ! ho ! Tom, whither fo gay and fo airy this 
 morning ? 
 
 Enter Tom, fmging. 
 
 Tom. Sir, we fervants of fingle gentlemen are 
 another kind of people than you domeftic ordinary 
 drudges that do bufmefs : \ve are rais'd above you : 
 the pleafures of board-wages, tavern-dinners, and 
 many a clear gain : vails, alas ! you never heard or 
 dreamt of. 
 
 fluK'.p'j. Thou haft follies and vices enough for a 
 man of ten thoufand a year, ' tho' 'tis but as t'other 
 ' day that I font for you to town, to put you into 
 f Mr. Sealand's family, that you might learn a little 
 ' before I put you to my young mailer, who is too 
 ' gentle for training fuch a rude thing as you were 
 
 ' into proper obedience You then pull'd off your 
 
 ' hat to every one you met in the ftreet, like a bafli- 
 * ful great aukward cub as you were. But' your 
 great oaken cudgel, when you were a booby, became 
 YOU much better than that dangling Hick at your 
 button now you are a fop. That's fit for nothing, 
 except it hangs there to be ready for y0ur mailer's 
 hand when you are impertinent. 
 
 Tom. Uncle Humphrey, you know my mafter 
 fcorns to ftrike his fervants. You talk as if the world 
 was now, juft as it was when my old mafter and you 
 
 were in your youth when you went to dinner be- 
 
 caufe it was fo much a clock, when the great blow 
 was given in the hall at ihe pantry-door, and all the 
 family came out of their holes in fuch ftrange 
 d refil-s and formal frees as you fee in the pictures in 
 our long gallery in the country. 
 
 Humph. Why, you wild rogue ! 
 
 Tom. You could not fall to your dinner till a for- 
 mal fellow in a black gown (aid fomething over 
 A 5 the
 
 jo THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 the meat, as if the cook had not made it ready 
 enough. 
 
 Humph. Sirrah, who do you prate after ? De- 
 
 fpifing men of facred characters ! I hope you never 
 heard my good young mailer talk fo like a profligate ! 
 
 Tom. Sir, I fay you put upon me, when I firft came 
 to town, about being orderly, and the doftrine of 
 wearing mams to make linen laft clean a fortnight, 
 keeping my cloaths freih, and wearing a frock within 
 doors. 
 
 Humph. Sirrah, I gave you thofe leflbns, becaufe I 
 fuppos'd at that time your mafter and you might 
 have din'd at home every day, and coft you nothing ; 
 then you might have made a good family fervant. 
 But the gang you have frequented fince at chocolate 
 houfes and taverns, in a continual round of noife 
 and extravagance 
 
 Tom. I don't know what you heavy inmates call 
 noife and extravagance ; but we gentlemen, who are 
 well fed, and cut a figure, Sir, think it a fine life, 
 and that we mufl be very pretty fellows who are kept 
 only to be looked at. 
 
 Humpb. Very well, Sir, 1 hope the fafhion of 
 
 being lewd , and extravagant, defpifing of decency 
 and order, is almoil at an end, fince it is arrived at 
 perfons of your quality. 
 
 Tom. Mafter Humphrey, ha ! ha ! you were an 
 unhappy lad to be font up to town in fuch queer 
 days as you were : why now, Sir, the la_quis_ are 
 the men of pleafurc of the age ; the top-gamefters ; 
 and many a lac'd coat about town have had their edu- 
 cation in our party-coloured regiment We-are falfe 
 lovers ; have a tafte of mufic, poetry, billet-doux, 
 drefs, politics, ruin damfels, and when we are weary 
 of this lewd town, and have a mind to take up, 
 whip into our mailers wigs "and linen, and majry 
 fortunes. 
 
 Humph. Hey-day ! 
 
 Tern. Nay, Sir, our order is carried up to the 
 highell dignities and diilinftions : ilep but into the 
 
 P 3 Palnttd
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS, u 
 
 Painted Chamber and by our titles you'd take us 
 
 all for men of quality. then again come down to. 
 
 the Court of Requejls, and you fee us all laying our 
 broken heads together for the good of the nation : 
 and tho' we never carry a queition nemine contradi- 
 cente, yet this I can fay with a fafe confcience, (and 
 I wifh every gentleman of our cloth could lay his hand 
 upon his heart and fay the fame) that I never took 
 fo much as a fingle mug of beer for my vote in all. 
 my life. 
 
 Humpa. Sirrah, there is no enduring your extrava- 
 gance ; I'll hear you prate no longer. I wanted to 
 lee you, to enquire how things go with your mafter,. 
 as far as you underftand them : I fuppofe he knows 
 he is to be married to-day. 
 
 Tom. Ay, Sir, he knows it, and is drefs'd as gay 
 as the fun ; but, between you and I, my dear, he has 
 a very heavy heart under all that gaiety. As foon as 
 he was drefs'd I retir'd, but overheard him figh in 
 the moil heavy manner. He walk'd thoughtfully to 
 and fro in the room, then went into hisclolet; when 
 he came out he gave me this for his millrefs, whofe 
 maid you know 
 
 Humph, Is paffionately fond of your fine perfon. 
 
 Tom. The poor fcol is fo tender, and loves to hear 
 ma talk of the world, and the plays, opera's, and 
 r'uioito' > $, for the winter ; the parks and Belljlze, for 
 our fummer diverfions ; and lard ! fays me, you are 
 fo wild but you have a world of humour. 
 
 Humph. Coxcomb ! Well, but why don't you rim 
 with your mailer's letter to Mrs. Lucinda, as he or- 
 dered you ? 
 
 Tom. Becaufe Mrs. Lucinda is not fo eafily come 
 at as you think for. 
 
 Humph. Not eafily come at ! Why, firrah, are not 
 her father and my old mafter agreed, that me and 
 Mr. Bevil arc to be one flefli before to-morrow 
 
 morning 
 
 Tom. It's no matter for that : her mother, it feems, 
 
 Mrs. Sealand, has not agreed to it : and you muft 
 
 A 6 know*
 
 iz THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 know, Mr. Humphrey, that in that family the grey 
 mare is the better horfe. 
 
 Humph. What do'ft thou mean ? 
 
 Tom. In one word, Mrs. Sealand pretends to have 
 a will of her own, and has provided a relation of 
 her's, a ftiff, ftarch'd philofopher, and a wife fool, 
 for her daughter ; for which reafon, for thefe ten 
 days pafl, ihe has fuffer'd no meffage nor letter from 
 my mafter to come near her. 
 
 Humph. And where had you this intelligence ? 
 
 Tom. From a foolifti fond foul that can keep no- 
 thing from me one that will deliver this letter 
 
 too, if me is rightly manag'd. 
 
 Humph. What ! her pretty handmaid, Mrs. Phillis ? 
 
 Tom. Even {he, Sir ; this is the very hour, you 
 know, fhe ufually comes hither, under a pretence of 
 a vifit to your houfekeeper forfooth, but in reality 
 to have a glance at 
 
 Humph. Your fweet face, I warrant you. 
 
 Tom. Nothing elfe in nature : you muft know, I' 
 love to fret, and play with the little wanton. 
 
 Humph. Play with the little.- wanton ! What will 
 this world come to ! 
 
 Tom. I met her this morning in a new manteau 
 and petticoat, not a bit the worfe for her lady's 
 wearing ; and fhe has always new thoughts and 
 
 new airs with new cloaths then Ihe never 
 
 fails to iteal fome glance or gefture from every 
 vifitant at their houfe ; and is indeed the whole 
 town of coquets at fecond hand. But here (he comes : 
 in one motion fhe fpeaks and defcribes herfelf better 
 than all the words in the world can. 
 
 Humph. Then I hope, dear Sir, when your own 
 affair is over, you will be fo good as to mind your 
 mafier's with her. 
 
 Tom. Dear Humphrey, you know my mafler is my 
 friend, and thofe are people I never forget. 
 
 Humph. Sawcinefs itfelf ! but I'll leave you to do 
 your beft for him. [Exit. 
 
 Enter
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 13 
 
 Enter Phillis. 
 
 Phil. O Mr. Thomas, is Mr. Sugar-key athoe 
 Lard, one is almoft afham'd to pafs along the 
 ftreets. The town is quite empty, and no body of 
 fafliion left in it ; and the ordinary people do fo Hare 
 to fee any thing, drefs'd like a woman of condition, 
 ' as it were on the fame floor with them' pafs by. 
 Alas, alas ! it is a fad thing to walk. O Fortune, 
 Fortune ! 
 
 Tom. What ! a fad thing to walk ? Why, Madam 
 Phillis, do you wifh yourfelf lame ? 
 
 PhiL No, Mr. Tom, but I wifh I were generally 
 carry'd in a coach or chair, and of a fortune neither 
 to ftand or go, but to totter, or flide, to be fhort- 
 fightcd, or flare, to fleer in the face, to look diftant, 
 to obferve, to overlook, yet all become me ; and, if 
 I was rich, I could twire and loll as well as the belt 
 of them. O Tom ! Tom \ is it not a pity, that 
 you Ihould be fo great a coxcomb, and I fo great a 
 coquet, and yet be fuch poor devils as we are ? 
 
 Tom. Mrs. Phillis, I am your humble fervant for 
 that 
 
 Phil. Yes, Mr. Thomas, I know how much you 
 are my humble fervant, and I know what you faid to 
 Mrs. Judy, upon feeing her in one of her Lady's caft 
 manteaus : That any one would have thought her 
 the lady, and that fhe had ordered the other to wear 
 it till it fat eafy for now only it was becoming : 
 To my Lady it was only a covering, to Mrs. Judy 
 it was a habit. This you faid, after fomebody or 
 other. O Tom ! Tom ! thou art as falfe and as 
 bafe, as the beft gentleman of them all ; but, you 
 wretch, talk to me no more on the old odious fubjeft, 
 don't, I fay. 
 
 Tom. I know not how to reuft your commands, 
 madam. [/ P. f/thmijji-ve tone, retiring. 
 
 Phil. Commands about parting are grown mighty 
 cafy to you of late. 
 
 Tom. Oh, I have her : I have nettled and put her 
 into the right temper to be wrought upon, and fet a 
 
 prating.
 
 H THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 prating. [Ajide.} - -Why truly, to be plain with 
 you, Mrs. Phillis, I can take little comfort of late in 
 frequenting your houfe. 
 
 Phil. Pray, Mr. Thomas, what is it all of a fud- 
 den offends your nicety at our houfe ? 
 
 Tom, I don't care to fpeak particulars, but I diflikc 
 the whole. 
 
 Phil. I thank you, Sir, I am a part of that whole. 
 
 Tom. Miftake me not, good Phillis. 
 
 Phil. Good Phillis ! faucy enough. But how- 
 ever - 
 
 Tom. I fay, it is that thou art a part, which gives 
 me pain for the difpofition of the whole. You muft 
 know, Madam, to be ferious, I am a man, at 
 the bottom, of prodigious nice honour. You are too 
 much expofed to company at your houfe : To be plain, 
 I don't like fo many, that would be your Mjftrefs's 
 lovers, whifpering to you. 
 
 Pbil. Don't think to put that upon roe. You fay 
 this, becaufe I wrung you to the heart, when I 
 touch'd your guilty confcience about Judy. 
 
 Tom. Ah Phillis ! Phillis ! if you but knew my 
 heart ! 
 
 Phil, I know too much on't. 
 
 Torn. Nay then, poor Crifpo's fate and mine are 
 one - Therefore give me leave to fay, or fing at 
 leaft, as he does upon the fame occafion 
 
 Se vedette, &c. \.fi n &*-\ 
 
 Phil. What, do you think I'm to be fob'd off with a 
 fong ? I don't queflion but you have fung the fame to 
 Mrs. Judy too. 
 
 Tom. Don't difparage your charms, good* Phillis, 
 with jealoufy of fo worthlefs an object ;" befides, flic 
 is a poor huflcy, andj/^vpu dgu,bt-the fincerity of my 
 love, you will allow'^^Ea.true to my intercJl.. You 
 arlr*4*nr/rKIflis - 
 
 Phil. What would the fop be at now ? In good 
 time indeed, you fhall be fetting up for a fortune ! 
 
 Tom. Dear Mrs. Phillis, you have fuch a fpirit 
 that we fliall never be dull in marriage, when we 
 
 come
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 15 
 
 come together. But I tell you, you are a fortune, 
 and you have an eftate in my hands. 
 
 [He pulls out a purfe, Jbe eyet it. 
 
 Phil. What pretence have I to what is in your 
 hands, Mr. Tom ? 
 
 7'cm. As thus : there are hours, you know, when a 
 lady is neither pleas'd nor difpleas'd, neither fick nor 
 well, when me lolls or loiters, when flic's without 
 defires, from having more of every thing than me 
 knows what to do with. 
 
 Phil. Well, what then ? 
 
 Tom. When (he has not life enough to keep her 
 bright eyes quite open, to look at her own dear image 
 in the glafs. 
 
 Phil. Explain thyfelf, and don't be fo fond of thy 
 own prating. 
 
 Tom. There as alfo profperous and good-natur'd 
 moments, as when a knot or a patch is happily fix'd ; 
 when the complexion particularly flourishes. 
 
 Phil. Well, what then ? I have not patience ! 
 
 Tom. Why then or on the like occafions 
 
 we fervants, who have {kill to know how to time 
 bufinefs, fee when fuch a pretty folded thing as this 
 \Jhews a letter] may be prefented, laid, or dropp'd, 
 as bell fuits the prefent humour. And, Madam, 
 becauie it is a long wearifome journey, to run through 
 all the feveral ftages of a lady's temper, my mailer, 
 who is the mofl reafonable man in the world, prefents 
 you this to bear your charges on the road. 
 
 [Gives her the purfe. 
 
 Phil. Now you think me a corrupt hufley. 
 
 Tom. Oh fie, I only think you'll take the letter. 
 
 Phil. Nay, I know you do ; but I know my own 
 innpcence : I take it for my miflrefs's fake. 
 
 Tom. I know it, my pretty one, I know it. 
 
 Phil. Yes, I fay I do it, becaufe I would not have 
 my miilrefs deluded by one who gives no proof of 
 his paflion ; but I'll talk more of this, as you fee me 
 
 on my way home. No, Tom, I aflure thee, 
 
 I take thij traili of thy mailer's, not for the value 
 
 of
 
 16 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 of the thing, but as it convinces me' he has a true 
 refpeft for my miftrefs. I remember a verfe to the 
 purpofe : 
 
 They may be falfe ivho languijh and complain ; 
 
 But they ivho part with money never feign. 
 
 ' [Exeunt. 
 
 S C E-N E II. Bevil Junior's Lodgings. 
 B e vil junior, reading . 
 
 B'ev.ju/t. Thefe moral writers praftife virtue after 
 death: this charming vifion of Mirza ! fuch an au- 
 thor, confulted in a morning, fets the fpirit for the vi- 
 ciffitudesof the day, better than the glais does a man's 
 perfon : but what a day have I to go thro' ! to put on an 
 
 eafy look with an aking. heart. If this lady, my 
 
 father urges me to marry, fhould not refufe me, my 
 dilemma is infupportable. But why mould I fear it ? 
 is not me in equal diftrefs with me ? has not the let- 
 ter, I have fent her this morning, confeft my inclina- 
 tion to another ? Nay, have I not moral aflurances of 
 her engagements too, to my friend Myrtle ? It's im- 
 poffible but me muft give into it : for, fure to be de- 
 ny'd is a favour any man may pretend to. It mult 
 
 be fo well then, with the aflurance of being 
 
 rejected, I think I may confidently fay to my father, 
 
 I am ready to marry her Then let me refolve 
 
 upon (what I am not. very good at, tho* it is)' air 
 honeft diffimulation. 
 
 Enter Tom. 
 
 'Tom. Sir John Bevil, Sir, is in the next room. 
 
 Bev.jun. Dunce ! why did not you bring him in ? 
 
 Tom. I told him, Sir, you were in your clofet. 
 
 fiev.jun. I thought you had known, Sir, it was 
 my duty to fee my father any where. 
 
 [Going bimfelfto the door. 
 
 Tom. The Devil's in my matter ! he has always 
 more wit than I have. \_4fidt. 
 
 Bevil jun. introducing Sir John. 
 
 Bev.jun. Sir, you are the moft gallant, the mod 
 complaifant of all parents - fure 'tis not a com- 
 pliment
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. '17 
 
 pliment to fay thefe lodgings are yours * why 
 wou'd you not walk in, Sir ? 
 
 Sir J. Bev. I was loth to interrupt you unfeafona- 
 bly on your wedding-day. 
 
 Bev.jun. One to whom I am beholden for my 
 birth-day, might have ufed lefs ceremony. 
 
 Sir J, Bev. Well, fon, I have intelligence you 
 have writ to your miftrefs this morning : It would 
 pleafe my curiofity to know the contents of a wedding- 
 day letter, for courtfhip muft then be over. 
 
 Be<v. jun. I afTure you, Sir, there was no infolence 
 in it, upon the profpeft of fuch a vaft fortune's bsing 
 added to our family ; but much acknowledgement of 
 the lady's greater defert. 
 
 Sir J, Bev. But, dear Jack, are you in earned in 
 all this ? and will you really marry her? 
 
 ' Bev.jun. Did I ever difobey any command of 
 ' yours, Sir ? nay, any inclination that I faw you 
 
 * bent upon ? 
 
 ' Sir J* Be-v. Why, I can't fay you have, fon ; 
 
 * but, methinks in this whole bufmefs, you have not 
 4 be,en fo warm as I could have wifh'd you : you 
 ' have viiited her, it's true, but you have not been 
 
 * particular. Every one knows you can fay and do as 
 
 * handfome things as any man ; but you have done 
 ' nothing, but liv'd in the general, being complai- 
 ' fant only. 
 
 ' Bev.jun. As I am ever prepared to marry, if you 
 ' bid me, fo I am ready to let it alone if you will 
 ' have me. [Humphrey enters unohfer-ii^ d. 
 
 ' Sir J. Bei>. Look you there now ! why, what 
 ' am I to think of this fo abfolute and fo indifferent 
 ' a refignation ? 
 
 ' BPV. jun. Think, that I am ftill your fon, Sir, 
 
 ' ' Sir, . you have been married, and I 
 
 ' have not. And you have, Sir, found the incon- 
 1 venience there is, when a man weds with too much 
 ' love in his head. I have been told, Sir, that at 
 1 the time you married, you made a mighty buftle 
 
 ' oa
 
 i8 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 * on the occafion. There was challenging andfight- 
 
 * ing, fcaling walls locking up the lady 
 
 ' and the gallant under an arreft, for fear of killing 
 
 ' all his rivals. Now, Sir, I fuppofe you having 
 
 ' found the ill confequences of thefe ftrong paf- 
 
 ' fions and prejudices, in preference of one woman 
 
 ' to another, in cafe of a man's becoming a wi- 
 
 ' dower 
 
 Sir 7- JBev. How is this ! 
 
 ' Be<v.jun. I fay, Sir, experience has made you 
 
 ' wifer in you$ ckre of me- for, Sir, fince you 
 
 ' loll my dear mother, your time has been fo heavy, 
 ' fo lonely, and fo taftelefs, that you are fo good as 
 *' to guard me againil the like unhappinefs, by mar- 
 ' ryingme prudentially, by way of bargain and fale. 
 ' For, as you well judge, a woman that is efpous'd 
 '_' for a fortune, is yet a better bargain, if me dies ; 
 ' for then ^,ajnaawjj.^enj[pj [ ;s v \vhAt.he did marry, the 
 ' money*; and is difencumber'd of what he did not 
 ' marry, the woman. 
 
 * Sir J. Bev, But pray, Sir, do you think Lu^j^da 
 ' then a woman of fuch little merit ? 
 
 * 'Bev. jun. Pardon me, Sir, I don't carry it fo far 
 ' neither ; I am rather afraid I mall like her too well ; 
 c me has, for one of her fortune, a great many need- 
 ' lefs and fuperfluous good qualities. 
 
 ' Sir y. e<v. I am afraid, Son, there's fomething 
 ' I don't fee yet ; fomething that's fmother'd under 
 ' all this raillery. 
 
 ' Be-v.jun. Not in the leaft, Sir.' If the lady is 
 drefs'd and ready, you fee I am. I fuppofe the law- 
 yers are ready too. 
 
 ' Humph. This may grow warm if I don't interpofe, 
 
 (4**.' 
 
 Eater Humphrey. 
 
 Sir, Mr. Sealand is at the Coffee-houfe, and has fent 
 to fpeak with you. 
 
 Sir. J. Bev. Oh ! that's well ! then I warrant the 
 lawyers are ready. Son, you'll be in the way, you 
 
 far.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 19 
 
 Bev. jun. If you pleafe, Sir, I'll take a chair, and 
 go to Mr. Sealand's, where the young lady and I will 
 wait your leifure. 
 
 Sir J. Bcv. By no means -the old fellow will 
 
 bz fo vain if he fees 
 
 Bev.jun. Ay but the^young lady, Sir, will 
 
 think me fo indifferent 
 
 Humph. Ay there you are right prefs your 
 
 readinels to go to the bride he won't let you. 
 
 \_AJule to Bev. jun. 
 
 Bcv. jun. Are you fure of that ? 
 
 \_Afide to Humph. 
 
 Humph. How he likes being prevented ! \_AJide. 
 
 Sir J. Bev. No, no : you are an hour or two too 
 early. [Looking on his watch.- 
 
 ( Bev. jun. You'll allow me, Sir, to think it too 
 ' late to vi/it a beautiful, virtuous young woman, in 
 ' the pride and bloom of life, ready to give herfelf 
 ' to my arms ; and to place her happinefs or mifery, 
 ' for the future, in being agreeable or ciifpleafing to 
 ' me, is a call a chair. 
 
 ' Sir J. Be-v. No, no, no, dear Jack ! ' befides, 
 this Sealand is a moody old fellow : there is no 
 dealing with fome people, but by managing with 
 indifference. We muft leave to him the conduct of 
 this day. It is the lail of his commanding his 
 daughter. 
 
 Be--u.jun. Sir, he can't take it ill, that I am im- 
 patient to be her's. 
 
 Sir J. Be-v. Pray let me govern in this matter : 
 you can't tell how humounbme old fellows arc: 
 
 there's no offering reafon to fome of 'em, 
 
 efpecially when they are rich if my fon mould 
 
 fee him, before I've brought old Sealand into 
 better temper, the match would be impracticable. 
 
 Humph. Pray, Sir, let me beg you, to let Mr. 
 Bevil go. See, whether he will or not. \_Afidi to Sir 
 John.'] [Then to JBev.] Pray, Sir, command your- 
 
 felf;
 
 20 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 felf ; fince you fee my mailer is pofitive, it is better 
 you ftiould not go. 
 
 ' Be<v. Jun. My father commands me, as to the 
 ' objefl of my affections ; but I hope he will not, as 
 ' to the warmth and height of them/ 
 
 SirJ.Bev. So! 1 muft even leave things as I found 
 them ; and in the mean time, at leaft, keep old Sea- 
 land out of his fight. Well, fon, I'll go myfelf and 
 take orders in your affair. You'll be in the way, I 
 fuppofe, if I fend to you I'll leave your old friend 
 
 with you. Humphrey don't let him ftir, d'ye 
 
 hear ? your fervant, your fervant. [Exit Sir John. 
 
 Humph. I have a fad time on't, Sir, between you 
 
 and my mafter ' I fee you are unwilling, and I 
 
 ' know his violent inclinations for the match I 
 ' muft betray neither, and yet deceive you both, 
 ' for your common good Heav'n grant a good end 
 ' of this matter :' but there is a lady, Sir, that gives 
 your father much trouble and forrow You'll pardon 
 me. 
 
 aro.jua', Humphrey, I know thou art a friend t* 
 both ; and in that confidence, I dare tell thee That 
 lady is a woman of honour and virtue. You may 
 affure yourfelf, I never will marry without my fa- 
 ther's confent ; but give me leave to fay too, this 
 declaration does not come up to a promife, that I will 
 take whomfoever he pleafes. 
 
 ' Humph. Come, Sir, I wholly underftand you : 
 ' you would engage my fervices to free you from this 
 
 * woman, whom my mafter intends you, to make 
 ' way, in time, for the woman you have really a mind 
 ' to. 
 
 ' Bev.jun. Honeft Humphrey, you have always 
 ' been an ufeful friend to my father, and myfelf: I 
 ' beg you continue your good offices, and don't let 
 
 * us come to the neceflity of a difpute ; for if we 
 ' mould difpute, I muft either part with more than 
 ' life, pr lofe the beft of fathers.' 
 
 Humph. My dear mafter, were I but worthy to know 
 this fecret, that fo near concerns you, my life, my 
 
 all
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. ;i 
 
 all mould be engag'd to ferve you. This, Sir, I 
 dare promife, that I am fure I will and can be fecret: 
 your truft, at worft, but leaves you where you were ; 
 and if I cannot ferve you, I will at once be plain, and 
 tell you fo. 
 
 Bev.jun. That's all I aflc : Thou haft made it now 
 my intereft to truft thee Be patient then, and hear 
 the ftory of my heart. 
 
 Humjb. I am all attention, Sir. 
 
 Be<v,jun. You may remember, Humphrey, that in 
 my laft travels, my father grew ur.eafy at my making 
 fo long a ftay at Toulon. 
 
 Humph. I remember it : he was apprehenfive fome 
 woman had laid hold of you. 
 
 Bev.jun. His fears were juft ; for there I firft faw 
 this lady : me is of Englifh birth : her father's name 
 V/AS Danvers, a younger brother of an ancient fa~ 
 rally, and originally an eminent merchant of Briftol ; 
 who, upon repeated misfortunes, was reduced to go 
 privately to the Indies. In this retreat Providence 
 again gre\v favourable to his induftry, and, in fix 
 years time, reftored him to his former fonunes : on 
 this he fent directions over, that his wife and little 
 family mould follow him to the Indies. His wife, 
 impatient to obey fuch welcome orders, would not 
 wait the leifure of a convoy, but took the firft occa- 
 fion of a fingle Ihip, and with her huiband's filter 
 only, and this daughter, then fcarce feven years old, 
 undertook the fatal voyage : for here, poor creature, 
 fiie loft her liberty, and life ; me, and her family, 
 with all they *had, were unfortunately taken by a 
 p.-ivateer from Toulon. *'.eing thus made a prifon- 
 er, though, as fuch, not ill treated, yet the fright, 
 the mock, and cruel difappointment, feiz'd with 
 A:ch violence upon her unhealthy frame, me ficken'd, 
 pined and died at leu. 
 
 Humph. Poor foul ! O the helplefs infant! 
 
 Be^-j. Her lifter yet furviv'd, and had the care 
 
 of her : the captain too proved to hare humanity, 
 
 and became a father to her;, for having himfelf 
 
 2 married
 
 
 22 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS, 
 
 married an Englifti woman, and being childlefs, he 
 brought home into Toulon this her little country- 
 woman ; prefenting her, with all her dead mother's 
 moveables of value, to his wife, to be educated as 
 his own adopted daughter. 
 
 Humph. Fortune here feem'd, again, to fmile on 
 her. 
 
 Bew. Only to make her frowns more terrible : 
 for, in his height of fortune, this captain too, her 
 benefaftor, unfortunately was kill'd at fea, and dying 
 inteftate, his eftate fell wholly to an advocate his 
 brother, who coming foon to take pofleffion, there 
 found (among his other riches) this blooming virgin, 
 at his mercy. 
 
 Humph. He durft not, fure, abufe his power ! 
 
 Bev. No wonder if his pamper'd blood was fired 
 at the fight of her in fhort, he lov'd ; but, when 
 all arts and gentle means had fail'd to move, he of- 
 fer'd too his menaces in vain, denouncing vengeance 
 on her cruelty ; demanding her to account for all her 
 maintenance, from her childhood ; feiz'd on her little 
 fortune, as his own inheritance, and was dragging 
 her by violence to prifon ; when Providence at the 
 Inflant interpos'd, and fent me, by miracle, to re- 
 lieve her, 
 
 Humph. 'Twas Providence indeed ! but pray, Sir, 
 after all this trouble, how came this lady at laft to 
 England ? 
 
 Bev. The difappointed advocate, finding fhe had 
 fo unexpected a fupport, on cooler thoughts, defcend- 
 ed to a compofition ; which I, without her know- 
 kdge, fecretly difcharg'd. 
 
 Humph. That generous concealment made the ob- 
 ligation double. 
 
 Bev. Having thus obtain'd her liberty, I pre- 
 vail'd, not without fome difficulty, to fee her fafe 
 to England ; where no fooner arriv'd, but my father, 
 jealous of my being imprudently engaged, immedi- 
 ately propofed this other fatal match that hangs upon 
 my o^uiet. 
 
 Humph.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 23 
 
 Humph. I find, Sir, you are irrecoverably fix'd up- 
 on this lady. 
 
 Be<v. As my vital life dwells in my heart and 
 
 yet you fee what I do to pleafe my father : walk 
 
 in this pageantry of drefs, this fplendid covering of 
 forrow But, Humphrey, you have your leflbn. 
 
 Humph. Now, Sir, I have but one material que- 
 
 Bev. Afk it freely. 
 
 Humph. Is it, then, your own paffion for this fecret 
 lady, or hers for you, that gives you this averfion to 
 the match your father has propofed you ? 
 
 Be<v. I fhall appear, Humphrey, more romantic 
 in my anfwer, than in all the relt of my ftory ; for 
 tho' I doat on her to death, and have no little reafon 
 to believe me has the fame thoughts for me ; yet in 
 all my acquaintance, and utmolt privacies with her, 
 I never once direftly told her, that I loved. 
 
 Humph. How was it poffible to avoid it ? 
 
 Be<u. My tender obligations to my father have laid 
 fo inviolable a reftraint upon my conduct, that 'till 
 I have his confent to fpeak, I am determin'd, on 
 that fubjeft, to be dumb for ever. 
 
 Humph. Well, Sir, tQ.your praife be it fpoken, you 
 are certainly the moll unfaihionable lover in Great 
 Britain. 
 
 Enter Tom. 
 
 Tom. Sir, Mr. Myrtle's at the next door, and, if 
 you are at leifure, will "be glad to wait on you. 
 
 ru. Whenever he pleafes hold, Tom ! did 
 
 you receive no anfwer to my letter ? 
 
 Tom. I was defir'd to call again ; for I was told, 
 her mother would not let her be out of her fight ; but 
 about an hour hence, Mrs. Lettice faid, I fhould 
 certainly have one. 
 Be<v. Very well. 
 
 Humph. Sir, I will take another opportunity : in 
 the mean time, I only think it proper to tell you, 
 that from a fecret I know, you may appear to your 
 father as forward as you pleafe, to marry Lucinda, 
 
 without
 
 34. THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 without the leaft hazard of its coming to a conclufiou 
 Sir, your moil obedient fervant. 
 
 Be<v. Honeft Humphrey, continue but my friend, 
 in this exigence, and you mall always find me yours. 
 [Exit Humph.] I long to hear how my letter has 
 
 fucceeded with Lucinda But I think it can- 
 
 ' not fail : for, at worft, were it poffible me could 
 ' take it ill, her refentment of my indifference may 
 ' as probably occafion a delay, as her taking it 
 
 * right.' Poor Myrtle, what terrors muft he be 
 
 ia all this while? Since he knows Ihe is offer'd 
 
 to me, and refufed to him, there is no converting, 
 or taking any meafures, with him, for his own fer- 
 
 vice But I ought to bear with my friend, and ufe 
 
 him as one in adverfity ; 
 
 All hi* dif quiets by my cnvtt I prove, 
 , The greatejl grief i perplexity in lc<ve. [Exeunt. 
 
 ACT II. SCENE continues. 
 Enter Bevil Jua. and Tom. 
 
 Tarn. QIR, Mr. Myrtle. 
 
 O Bcv.jun. Very well do you (tep again, 
 and wait for an anfwer to my letter. 
 . . . Enter Myrtle. 
 
 Bev.jun. Wtll, Charles, why fo much care in thy 
 countenance ? Is there any thing in this world de- 
 ferves it? You, who ufed to be fo gay, fo open, fo 
 vacant ! 
 
 Myrt. I think we have of late chang'd complexions. 
 You, who us'd to be much the graver man, are now 
 
 all air in your behaviour ^But the caufe of my 
 
 concern, may, for ought I know, be the fame objecl 
 that gives you all this fatisfadlion. In a word, I am 
 told that you are this very day (and your drefs con- 
 firms me in it) to be married to Lucinda. 
 
 Bc<v.jun. You are not mifinform'd. Nay, put not 
 on the terrors of a rival, till you hear me out. I fhall 
 
 difoblige
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 25 
 
 difoblige the beft of fathers, if I don't feem ready to 
 marry Lucinda : and you know I have ever told you, 
 you might make ufe of my fecret refolution never to 
 marry her, for your own fervice, as you pleafe. But I 
 am now driven to the extremity of immediately re- 
 fufing, or complying, unlefs you help me to efcape 
 the match. 
 
 Myrt. Efcape ! Sir, neither her merit nor her for- 
 tune are below your acceptance. Efcaping, do you 
 call it ? 
 
 Bev. jun. Dear Sir, do you wifla I mould defirc the 
 match ? 
 
 Myrt. No but Aich is my humorous and fickly 
 
 ftate of mind, fince it has been able to relifh nothing 
 but Lucinda, that, tho' I mult owe my happinefs to 
 your averfion to this marriage, I can't bear to bear 
 her fpoken of with levity or unconcern. 
 
 Be-c.jun. Pardon me, Sir; I mail tranfgrefs that 
 xvay no more. She has underftanding, beauty, fhape, 
 complexion, wit 
 
 Mr/. Nay, dear Bevil, don't fpeak of her as if you 
 lo.'d her, neither. 
 
 BFV. jun. Why then, to give you cafe at once, tho* 
 J allow Lucinda to have good fenfe, wit, beauty, and 
 virtue ; I know another, in whom thefc qualities ap- 
 pear to roe more amiable than in her. 
 
 Myrt. There you fpoke like a reasonable and good, 
 natur'd friend. When you acknowledge her merit, 
 and own your prepofleflion for another, at once, you 
 gratify my fondnefs, and cure my jealoufy. 
 
 Bev. jun. But all this while you take no notice, 
 you have no apprehenfion of another man, that has 
 twice the fortune of either of us. 
 
 Myrt. Cimbej^oji ! Hang him, a formal philofo- 
 
 phical, pedantic coxcomb For the fot, with all 
 
 thefe crude notions of divers things, under the di- 
 re&ion of great vanity, and very little judgment, 
 fhews his ftrongeft bias is avarice ; which is fo predo- 
 minant in him, that he will examine the limbs of his 
 miltrefs with the caution of a jockey, and pays no 
 B more
 
 26 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 more compliment to her perfonal charms, than if me 
 were a mere breeding animal. 
 
 Be<v. jun. Are you fure that is not affedled I I 
 have known fome women fooner fet on fire by that 
 fort of negligence than by 
 
 Myrt. No, no ; hang him, the rogue has no art, 
 it is pure ftmple iniblence and ftupidity. 
 
 jBf-v.Jun. Yet, with all this, I don't take him for 
 a fool. 
 
 Myrt, I own the man is not a natural ; he has a 
 very quick feftfe^tho' very flow underihindinr. 
 He fays indeed many things, that want only the cir- 
 cumftances of time and place to be very juil and 
 agreeable. 
 
 Bev.jun. Well, you may be fure of me, if you 
 can difappoint him: but my intelligcncelays,-die 
 mother has actually lent for the convev^nc^TcTdravv 
 articles for his marriage with Lucin'da; tho' thofe 
 for mine with her, are, by her -father's order, ready 
 for figning : but it feems fhe has not thought fit to 
 confolt either him or his daughter in the matter. 
 
 Myrt. Plhaw ! A poor troublefome woman > 
 
 Neither Lucinda nor her father will ever be brought 
 to comply with it befides, I am fure Cimbertoa can 
 make no fettlement upon her, without the concur- 
 rence of his great uncle Sir Geo'Fry in the Weft. 
 
 Bev.jun, Well, Sir, and I can tell you, that's the 
 very point that is now laid before her council; to 
 know whether a firm fettlement can be made, with- 
 out this uncle's actual joining in it. Now pray 
 
 confider, Sir, when my affair with Lucinda comes, 
 as it foon mult, to an open rupture, how are you fure 
 that Cimberton's fortune may not then tempt her 
 father too, to hear his propofals } 
 
 Myrt. There you are right indeed, that muft te 
 provided againft. Do you know who are her 
 council ? 
 
 Brv.jitn. Yes, for your fervice I have found out 
 that too, they are Serjeant Bramble and Old Tar- 
 get by the way, they arc neither of 'em known
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 27 
 
 in the family : now I was thinking why you might 
 not put a couple of falfe council upon her, to delay 
 and confound matters a little befides, it may pro- 
 bably let you into the bottom of her whole deiign 
 againft you. 
 
 Myrt. As how pray ? 
 
 Bev.jun. Why, can't you flip on a black wig and 
 a gown, and be Old Bramble.yourfelf ? 
 
 Myrt. Ha ! J don't diilike it but what mall I do 
 for a brother in the cafe ? 
 
 Bev.jun. What think you of my fellow, Tom ? 
 the rogue's intelligent, and is a good mimick : all 
 his part will be but to flutter heartily, for that's Old 
 
 Target's cafe Nay, it would be an immoral 
 
 ' thing to mock him, were it not that his imperti- 
 ' nence is the occafion of its breaking out to that 
 ' degree'. .the conduct of the fcene will chiefly 
 
 lie upon you. 
 
 Myrt. I like it of all things : if you'll fend Tom to 
 my chambers, I will give him full inftrudlions : this 
 will certainly give me occafion to raife difficulties, to 
 puzzle, or confound her project for a while, at leaft. 
 
 e-v. jun. I'll warrant you fuccefs : fo far we are 
 right then : And now, Charles, your apprehenfion of 
 my marrying her, is all you have to get over. 
 
 Myrt. Dear Bevil! tho' I know you are my friend, 
 yet when I abrtract myfelf from my own intereft in 
 the thing, I know no objection me can make to you, 
 or you to her, and therefore hope 
 
 Bev.jun. Dear Myrtle, I am as much obliged to 
 you for the caufe of your fufpicion, as I am offended 
 at the effeft : but be aflured, I am taking meafures 
 for your certain fecurity, and that all things with re- 
 gard to me will end in your entire fatisfaftion. 
 
 Myrt. Well, I'll promifeyou to be as eafy and as 
 confident as I can ; tho' I cannot but remember that 
 I have more than life at itaKe on your fidelity. 
 
 [Going: 
 
 Bev. jnn. Then depend upon it, you have no 
 chance againft you. 
 
 B z Myrt.
 
 2 8 THE CONSCIOUS LEVERS. 
 
 Myrt, Nay, no ceremony, you know I muft be 
 going. [Exit Myrt. 
 
 Be<u. jun. Well ! this is another inftance of the 
 perplexities which arife too, in fajkhfyj frienjifhip. 
 ' We muft often, in this life, go on in our good 
 ' offices, even under the difpleafureof thofe to whom 
 ' we do them", in compaffion to their weaknefles and 
 
 f miftakes' But all this while poor Indiana is 
 
 tortured with the doubt of me ! ' (he has no fupport 
 ' or comfort, but in my fidelity, yet fees me daily 
 ' prefs'd to marriage with another! How painful, in 
 ' fuch acrifis, mult be every hour fhe thinks on me ? 
 
 * I'll let her fee, at leait, my conduit to her is not 
 
 * chang'd :' I'll take this opportunity to vifit her; 
 for tho' the religious vow, I have made to my fa- 
 ther, reftrains me from ever marrying, without his 
 approbation, yet that confines me not from feeing a 
 virtuous woman, that is the pure delight of my eyes, 
 and the guiltlefs joy of my heart : But the bell con- 
 dition or .human lile is but a gentler rnifery. 
 
 To hope for perfetl happinejs is vain, 
 
 And love has ever its allays of pain. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Ifabella, and Indiana, in her own lodgings. 
 
 Ifab. Yes I fay 'tis artifice, dear child ; I iay to 
 thce again and again, 'tis all (kill and management. 
 " Ind. Will you perfuade me there can be an ill de- 
 fign, in fupporting me in the condition of a woman 
 of quality ? attended, drefs'd, and lodg'd like one ; 
 in my appearance abroad, and my furniture at home, 
 every way in the molt fumptuoas manner, and he 
 that docs it has an artifice, a deJign in it ? 
 
 IJab. Yes, yes. 
 
 Ind. And all this without fo much as explaining to 
 me, that all about me comes from him! 
 
 I/ah. Ay, ay, the more for that that keeps 
 
 the title to all you have, the more in him. 
 
 Ind. The more in him ! - < He fcorns the 
 thcught 
 
 Ifcb. Then he he he 
 
 Ind. Well, be not fo eager. If he is an ill man, 
 
 let
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 29 
 
 let us look into his ftratagems. Here is another of 
 them. [St&nut*g a letter.} Here's two hundred and 
 fifty pounds in bank notes, with thefe words, " To 
 " pay for the fet of dreffing-plate, which will be 
 " brought home to-morrow." Why, dear aunt, now 
 here's another piece of fkill for you, which I own 
 I cannot comprehend and it is with a bleeding heart 
 I hear you fay any thing to the difadvantage of Mr. 
 Bevil. When he is prefent, I look upon him as one 
 to whom I owe my life, and the fupport of it : Then 
 again, as the man who loves me with iincerity and 
 honour. When his eyes are caft another way, and 
 I dare furvey him, my heart is painfully divided 
 between lhame and love ' Oh ! cou'd I telt 
 
 ' lf~b. Ah! You need not: I imagine all this for 
 
 * you. 
 
 ' Ltd. This is my ftate of mind in his prefence ; and 
 ' when he is ablent, you are ever dinning my ears 
 ' with notions of the arts of men ; that his hidden 
 ' bounty, his refpeclful conduct, his careful provifion 
 ' for me, after his preferving me from utmoft mifery, 
 ' are certain figns he means nothing but to make I 
 ' know not what of me ? 
 
 ' Ifub. Oh ! you have a fweet opinion of him, truly ! 
 
 ' Ind. I have, when I am with him, ten thoufand 
 ' things, befides my fex's natural decency and manie, 
 
 * to fupprefs my heart, that yearns to thank, to praife, 
 ' to fay it loves him : I fay, thus it is wich me while 
 ' \ fes him ; and in his abfence I am entertain'd 
 ' with nothing, but your endeavours to tear this ami- 
 ' able image from my heart; and, in its ftead, to 
 ' place a bafe diflernbler, an artful invader of my 
 ' happinefs, my innocence, my honour. 
 
 ' I fab. Ah poor foul ! has not his plot taken? don't 
 ' you die for him ? has not the way he has taken, 
 ' boon the moft proper with you ? Oh ! ho ! he has 
 ' fenfe, and has judg'd the thing right. 
 
 * Ind. Go on then, fmce nothing can anfwer you: 
 fay what you will of him.' Heigh! ho! 
 
 B 3 I/at.
 
 3 o THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Ifab. Heigh ! ho ! indeed. It is better to fay fo, as 
 you are now, than as many others are. There are, 
 among the deitroyers of women, the gentle, the 
 generous, the mild, the affable, the humble, who 
 all, foon after their fuccefs in their defigns, turn to 
 the contrary of thofe characters. I will own to you, 
 Mr. Bevil carries his hypocrify the belt of any man 
 living, but (till he is a man, and therefore a hypo- 
 cfite. ' They have ufurp'd an exemption from 
 ' fiiame, for any bafenefs, any cruely towards us.' 
 They embrace without love ; they make vows, with- 
 out confcience of obligation ; they are partners, may, 
 feducers to the crime, wherein they pretend to be 
 lei's guilty. 
 
 Ind. That's truly obferv'd. \Apds. 
 
 But what's all this to Bevil ? 
 
 Ifab. This it is to Bevil, and all mankind. ' Truft 
 ' not thofe, who will think the worfe of you for 
 
 * yoar confidence in them.' Serpents, who lie in 
 wait for doves : V/on't you be on your guard againft 
 thofe who would betray you ? Won't you doubt thofe 
 who would contemn you for believing 'em? ' Take 
 
 * it from me : Fair and natural dealing is to Jnvite 
 ' injuries, 'tis bleating to efcape wolves who would 
 ' devour you !' Such is the world, and fuch (fmce 
 the behaviour of one man to myfelf) have I believ'd 
 all the reft of the fex. [AJide. 
 
 Ind. I will not doubt the truth of Bevil, 1 will 
 not doubt it : He has not fpoke it by an organ that 
 is given to lying : His eyes are all that have ever 
 told me that he was mine: I know his virtue, I know 
 his filial piety, and ought to trult his management 
 with a father, to whom he has uncommon obliga- 
 tions What have I to be concern 'd for ? my lef- 
 fon is very fliort. If he takes me for ever, my pur- 
 pofe of life is only to pleafe him. If he leaves me 
 (which Heaven avert) I know he'll do it nobly ; and 
 I (hall have nothing to do but to learn to die, after 
 worfe than death has happen'd to me. 
 
 IJal. Ay do, perfiftin your credulity ! flatter your- 
 
 felf
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 31 
 
 fclf that a man_of his figure and fortune \vill make 
 himfelf : '.lie town, and marry a handfome 
 
 je" town ! I muft tell you, Madam, the 
 fools that laugh at Mr. Bevil, will bat make them- 
 fclves more ridiculous : his aftions are the refult of 
 thinking, and he. .has fcnfe enough to make even 
 virtue fafhiquahle. 
 
 Ifcb. ' O' my confcience he has turn'd her head !' 
 Come, come ; if he were the honeil fool you take 
 him for, why has he kept you here thefe three 
 weeks, without fending you to Briftol, in fearch of 
 your father, your family, and your relations ? 
 
 Ind. I am convinc'd he ftill defigns it ; ' and that 
 ' nothing keeps him here, but the neceffity of not 
 ' coming to a breach with his father, in regard to the 
 * match he has propos'd him.' Befide, has he not 
 writ to Briftol ? and has not he advice that my fa- 
 ther has not been heard of there, almoil thefe twenty 
 years ? 
 
 Ifab. All mam, mere evaficn ; he is afraid, if he 
 fhould carry you thither, your honeft relations may 
 take you out of his hands, and fo blow up all his 
 wicked hopes at once. 
 
 lad. Wicked hopes ! did I ever give him any 
 fuch ? 
 
 Ifab. Has he ever given yen r.ny honefr, ones ? can 
 you fay, in your conicience, he has ever once ofTer'd 
 to marry you ? 
 
 Ind. No! but by his behaviour I am cor.vinc'J he 
 will offer it, the moment 'tis in fifs' power, or con- 
 fident with his honour, to make fuch a promilc good 
 to me. 
 
 Ifab. His honour ! 
 
 Ixd. 1 \vili ivly upon it; therefore defi're.you will 
 not make my life unenfy, by thefe ungrateful' je.i- 
 loufies cf one, to whom I am, and \viih to be obiig'd: 
 for from his integrity alone, I have rc.'blvM to hope 
 for happinefs. 
 
 B 4 Ifab.
 
 32 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Ifab. Nay, I have done my duty ; if you Won't 
 fee, at your peril be it' 
 
 Ltd. Let it be -This is his hour of vifiting 
 me. 
 
 ' Ifab. Oh! to be fure, keep up your form; don't 
 4 fee him in a bed-chamber : This is pure prudence, 
 ' when fhe is liable, wherever he meets her, to be 
 ' convey'd where'er he pleafes.' [Jfarf. 
 
 ' Ind.' All the reft of my life is but waiting till he 
 comes : I live only when I'm with him. {Exit. 
 
 Ifab. Well, go thy ways, thou wilful innocent ! 
 J once hr.d almoft as much love for a man, who 
 
 poorly left me to many an ciUtc Aad I am now, 
 
 Ugainit my will, what they call an Old Maid but 
 
 I will not let the peeviihneis of that condition grow 
 upon me only keep up the lufpicion of it, to pre- 
 vent this creature's being any other than a virgin, 
 except upon proper terms. \Exit. 
 
 Re-enter Indian a fpeaking to a/ervant. 
 
 Ind. Defire Mr. Bevii to walk in ._ Defign ! im- 
 poffible ! A bafe defigning mind could never think 
 of what he hourly puts in pra&ice And yet, 
 fmce the late rumour of his marriage, he feems 
 more rcferv'd than formerly he fends in too, be- 
 fore he fees me, to know if I am at leifure r fuch 
 
 new refpecl may cover coldnefs in the heart it 
 
 certainly makes me thoughtful I'll know the 
 
 worft, at once : I'll lay fuch fair occafionsin his way, 
 that it fhall be impoffible to avoid an explanation 
 for thefe doubts are infupportable ! But 
 fee ! he comes, and clears them all. 
 Enter Bevil. 
 
 Be'v. Madam, your mod obedient 1 am afraid 
 
 I broke in upon your reft laft night 'twas very 
 
 late before we parted; but 'twas your own fault: 
 I never faw you in fuch agreeable humour. 
 
 Ind. I am extremely glad we were both pleas'd ; 
 for I thought I never faw you better company. 
 JSe-v. Me, Madam ! you rally; I faid very little. 
 
 lad. But, I am afraid, you heard me fay a great 
 
 deal j
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 33 
 
 deal ; and when a woman is in the talking vein, the 
 moft agreeable thing a man can do, you know, is to 
 have patience to hear her. 
 
 Be-v. Then it's pity, Madam, you mould ever be 
 filent, that we might be always agreeable to one 
 another. 
 
 Lid. If I had your talent, or power, to make my 
 actions fpeak for me, I might indeed be filent, and 
 yet pretend tofomething more than the agreeable. 
 
 Be<v. If I might be vain of any thing," in my power, 
 Madam, 'tis that my underftanding, from all your 
 fex, has mark'd you out, as the moil deferving ob- 
 ject of my efteem. 
 
 Ir.d. Should I think I deferve this, 'twere enough 
 to make my vanity forfeit the very efteem you offer 
 me. 
 
 Bev. How fo, Madam ? 
 
 Iml. Becaufe eiteem is the refult of reafon, and 
 to deferve it from good-fenfe, the height of human 
 glory : nay, I had rather a man of honour fhould 
 pay me that, than all the homage of a fincere and 
 humble love. 
 
 Bev.jun. You certainly diftinguifh right, Madam : 
 love often kindles Jro.mextejnal merit on-ly 
 Ind. But eiteem arifes from a higher fource, the 
 
 merit of t,he foul 
 
 Be-v.jun. True And great fouls only can de- 
 ferve it. [Jfawiagzvfofffitfyi 
 Ind. Now, I think, they are greater ftiil, that can 
 fo charitably part with it. 
 
 Be-j.jun. Now, Madam, you make me vain, fince 
 the utmoft pride, and pleafure ef my life is, that I 
 
 efceem you as I ought. 
 
 Ind. As he ought ! ftill more perplexing ! he nei- 
 ther favfis, nor kills my hope. [Afide. 
 B--v.jun. But Madam, we grow grave methinks 
 
 Let's find fome other fubjed Pray how did you 
 
 like the opera laft night ? 
 
 Ind. Firft give me leave to thank you for my 
 tickets, 
 
 B 5 Bev.
 
 J\ 
 
 34 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Bpv.jun. O ! your fcrvant, Madam ' But pray 
 
 ' tell me, you now, who are never partial to the 
 ' fafhion, I fancy, mull be the propereil judge of a 
 
 * mighty difpute among the ladies, that is, whether 
 ' Crifpo or Grifelda is the more agreeable enter- 
 ' tainment. 
 
 ' Ind. With fubmiffion now, I cannot be a proper 
 
 * judge of this queftion. 
 
 ' Be<v. jun. How fo, Madam ? 
 ' Ind. Becaufe I find I have a partiality for one of 
 ' them. 
 
 ' Bev.jun. Pray which is that ? 
 
 ' Ltd. I do not know -there's fomerhing in that 
 
 * rural cottage of Grifelda, her forlorn condition, her 
 ' poverty, her folitude, her refignation, her inno- 
 ' cent (lumbers, and that lulling Dolce Sogno that's 
 ' fung over her ; it had an etfeft upon me, that in 
 ' fhort I never was fo well deceiv'd at any of them. 
 
 ' Be<v. jun. Oh ! Now then, I can account for the 
 ' difpute : Grifelda, it feems, is the diftrefsof an in- 
 ' jur'd innocent woman : Crifpo, that only of a man 
 
 * in the fame condition ; therefore the men are moftly 
 ' concern'd for Crifpo, and, by a natural indulgence, 
 
 * both fexes for Grifelda. 
 
 ' Ind. So that judgment, you think, ought to be 
 ' for one, tho' fancy and complaifance have got 
 ' ground for the other. Well ! I believe you will ne- 
 ver give me leave to difpute with you on any fub- 
 jeft ; for I own, Crifpo has its charms for me too : 
 though in the main, all j&e. leaj(krje_ihe belt opera 
 
 -gfiiies-aiSj^Jsbut mere fenfation. Methink it's 
 
 pity the rnTnd carPt have a little more mare in the 
 
 entertainment. The mufic's certainly fine ; but, 
 
 in my thoughts, there's none of your compofers 
 ' come up to Old Shakefpear and Otway. 
 
 ' Bev.'jun. How, Madam! why if a woman of your 
 ' fenfe were to fay this in the drawing-room. ' 
 
 Enter afer<uant. 
 
 Seru. Sir, here's Signior Carbonelli fays he waits 
 your commands in the next room. 
 
 7 Bcv.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 35 
 
 Bev. jun. A propos ! You were faying yefterday, 
 
 Madam, you had a mind to hear him will you 
 
 give him leave to entertain you now? 
 
 lad. By all means : define the gentleman to walk 
 in. [Exit/ervanf. 
 
 ' Be--v.jun. I fancy you will find fomething in this 
 ' hand, that is uncommon. 
 
 ' Ind. You are always finding ways, Mr. Bevil, to 
 
 ' make life feem lefs tedious to me. 
 
 ' Enter Mii/ic-mcfter. 
 ' When the gentleman pleafes.' 
 After a fonata is play d, Bevil <waits en the majler 
 to the door, Sec. 
 
 Bev.jun. You fmile, Madam, to fee me fo com- 
 plaifant to one, whom I pay for his vifit : Now, I 
 own, I think it is no'; enough barely to pay thofe, 
 whofe talents are fuperior to our own (I mean fuch, 
 talents, as would become our condition, if we had 
 them :) methinks we ought to do fomething more, 
 than barely gratify them, for what they do at our 
 command, only becaufe their fortune is below us. 
 
 Ind. You fay I fmile : I a/lure you it was a fmile of 
 approbation ; for indeed, I cannot but think it the 
 diftinguifhing part of a gentleman, to make his fu- 
 periority of fortune as eafy to his inferiors, as he 
 
 can. Now once more to try him. \_Afide. ~\ 
 
 I was faying jull now, I believed you would never let 
 me difputewith you, and I dare fay, it will always 
 be fo : however I muil have your opinion upon a 
 fubjecV which created a debate between my aunt 
 and me, jail before you came hither : (he would needs 
 have it, that no man ever does any extraordinary 
 kindnefs or fervice for a woman, but for his own 
 
 Bev.jun. Well, Madam ! indeed I can't bat be of 
 her mind. 
 
 Ind. What, tho' he mould maintain, and fupport 
 her, without demanding any thing of her, on her 
 . 
 
 Be-v.jun. Why, Madam, is making an expence, in 
 B 6 the
 
 3<5 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 the fervice of a valuable woman (for fuch I muft 
 fuppofe her) though fhe fhould never do him any fa- 
 vour, nay, though fhe fhould never know who did 
 her fuch fervice, fuch a mighty heroic bufinefs ? 
 
 Ind. Certainly ! I fhould think he muil be a man 
 of an uncommon mold. 
 
 Sev.jun. Dear Madam, why fo ? 'tis but, at belt, a 
 better tafte in expence : to beftow upon one, whom 
 he may think one of the ornaments of the whole 
 creation, to be confcious, that from his fuperfluity, 
 an innocent, a virtuous fpirit is fupported above thr 
 temptations and forrows of life ! that he fees fatis- 
 fadion, health, and gladnefs in her countenance, 
 while he enjoys the happinefs of feeing her (as 
 that I will fuppofe too, or he muft be too abflradled, 
 too infenfible) I fay, if he is allowed to delight in 
 that profpetl j alas ! what mighty matter is there in 
 all this ? 
 
 Ind. No mighty matter, in fo difmterefled a 
 friend flap ! 
 
 BFVTjun. Difmterefted ! I can't think him fo : 
 your hero, Madam, is no more, than what every gen- 
 tleman ought to be, and I believe very many are 
 He is only one, who takes more delight in reflecti- 
 ons, than- in, jfen&tien* : he is more pleafed with 
 
 thinking, than eatig ; that's the utmoft you can 
 fay of him - Why, Madam, a greater expence, 
 than all this, men lay out upon an unneceffary ftable 
 of horfes. 
 
 Ind. Can you be fmcere in what you fay ? 
 
 Beit.jun. You may depend upon it, if you know- 
 any ftich man, he does not love dogs inordinately. 
 
 2nd. No, that he does not. 
 
 Bev.jun. Nor cards, nor dice. 
 
 Ind. No. 
 
 Be-Vijun. Nor bottle companions. 
 
 Ind'. No. 
 
 PV. jun. Nor loofe women. 
 
 fnd. No, I'm fure he does not. 
 
 B~<J. jun. Take my word then, if your admired 
 
 hero
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 37 
 
 hero is not liable to any of thefe kind of demands, 
 there's no fuch preheminence in this, as you ima- 
 gine : nay this way of expence you fpeak of is 
 what exalts and raifes him that has a tafle for it: 
 and, at the fame time, his delight is incapable of 
 fatiety, difguft, or penitence. 
 
 Ind. But ilill, I infift, his having no private intereft 
 in the adlion makes it prodigious, almoft incredi- 
 ble. 
 
 Bev.jun. Dear Madam, I never knew you more 
 miilaken : Why, who can be more an ufurer, than he, 
 who lays out his money in fuch valuable purchafes ? 
 If pleafure be worth purchafing, how great a pleafure 
 is it to him, who has a true tafte of life, to eafe-an 
 aJdng, heart, to fee the humane countenance lighted 
 up into fmiles of joy, on the receipt of a bit of 
 ore, which is fuperrluous, and otherwife ufelcfs in a 
 man's own pocket ? What could a man do better 
 with his caili : This is the effeft of an humane difpo- 
 fition, where there is only a general tye of nature, 
 and common necefficy. What then mult it be, when 
 we ferve an object of merit, of admiration ! 
 
 Ind. Well ! the more you argue againft it, the 
 more I fhall admire the gcnerofity. 
 
 Bev.jun. Nay, nay then, Madam, 'tis time 
 
 to ily, after a declaration, that my opinion ^rength- 
 
 ens my adverfary's argument 1 had belt halten 
 
 to my appointment with Mr. Myrtle, and be gone, 
 while we are friends, and before things are brought 
 
 to an extremity [Exit carekfly. 
 
 Enter Ifabella. 
 
 Ifab. Well, Madam, what think you of him now, 
 pray? 
 
 Ind. I protefl, I begin to fear he is wholly difin- 
 tereited, in what he does for me. On my heart, he 
 has no other view, but the mere pleafure of doing it, 
 and has neither good nor bad defigns upon me. 
 
 Ifab. Ah ! dear niece! don't be in fear of both ! 
 I'll warrant you, you will know time enough, that 
 he is not indifferent. 
 
 Ind.
 
 3 "S THE -"CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Ind. You pleafe me,, when you tell me fo : for, 
 he has any wifties towards nfe/ I know he will not 
 purfue them but with honour. 
 
 Ifab. I wi(h I were as confident of one as t'other, 
 
 1 faw the refpeftful ddwjicaft of his eye, when 
 
 you catch'd kim gazing at you during the mufic : 
 he, I warrant, was fuppriz'd, as' if he had been taken 
 ftealing your watch. O ! the undiflembled guilty 
 look ! 
 
 ' Ind. But did you obferve any fuch thing, really ? 
 I thought he look'd moft charmingly graceful ! how 
 engaging is modefty in a man, when one knows 
 
 there's is a great mind within fo tender a 
 
 confufion ! and yet, in other refpefts, fo much 
 himfelf, fo collected, fo dauntlefs, fo determined ! 
 ' Ifab. Ah, niece! there is a fort of bafhfulnefs, 
 which is the beft engine to carry on a fhamelefs 
 purpofe : fome men's modefty ferves their wicked- 
 nefs, as hypocrify gains the refpefl due to piety : 
 but, T will own to you, there is one hopeful fymp- 
 tom, if there could be fuch a thing as a difmte- 
 refted lover;' but it's all a perplexity, till till 
 
 Ind. Till what ? 
 
 Ifab. Till I know whether Mr. Myrtle and Mr. 
 
 Bevil are really friends or foes and that 1 will bte 
 
 convinced of before I fleep : for you fliall not be de- 
 ceiv'cl. 
 
 Ind, I'm fure I never (hall if your fears can guard 
 me : in the mean time, I'll wrap myfelf up in tire 
 integrity of my own heart, nor dara. to doubt of 
 his. 
 
 -dLfpftfiipuL honour ail kit aflieHsJlecr-i : 
 Sc CCK/C/CUS innocence iUjjels mjjlxrs. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 ACT
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS, jp 
 
 ACT HI. SCENE Sealand's Houfe. 
 
 Enter Tom meeting Phillis. 
 Tom. T T 7 ELL, Phillis ! what, with a face as if 
 
 VV you had never feen me before! what 
 
 a work have I to do now ! flic has feen fome new vifi- 
 tant at their houfe, whofe airs Ihe has catch'd, and 
 is refolv'd to pradlife them upon me. Numberlefs 
 are the changes fhe'll dance thro', before fhe'll an- 
 iwer this plain queition ; videlicet, Have you deli- 
 "ver'd my mailer's letter to your lady ? nay, I know 
 her too well, to afk her an account of it in an ordi- 
 nary way : I'll be in my airs as well as fhe. [A/ide. 
 
 Well, Madam, as unhappy as you are at pre- 
 
 fent pleafed to make me, I would not, in the gene- 
 ral, be any other than what I am : I would not be 
 a bit wifer, a bit richer, a bit taller, a bit fhorter, 
 than I am at this inftant. 
 
 {Lceking ftejfaftly at her. 
 
 Phil. Did ever any body doubt, Malter Thomas, 
 but that you were extremely fatisfied with your fweet 
 felf? 
 
 'Tom. I am indeed the thing I have leail reafon 
 
 to be fatisiied with is my fortune, and I am glad of my 
 poverty : perhaps, if I were rich, I fhould overlook the 
 fineit woman in the world, that wants nothing but 
 riches to be thought fo. 
 
 Phil. How prettily was that faid ? but, I'll have 
 a great deal more, before I'll fay one word. 
 
 [J/Ue. 
 
 Tom. I fhould, perhaps, have b?en ftupidly above 
 her, had I not been her equal ; and, by not being 
 her equal, never had opportunity of being her flave. 
 I am my mailer's fervant, for hire ; I am my mif- 
 trefs's, from choice, wou'd fhe but approve my 
 paffion. 
 
 Phil. I think, it's the firft time I ever heard you 
 fpeak of it, with any fenfe of the anguilh, if you 
 really do fuffer any.
 
 40 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Tom. Ah, Phillis ! can you doubt, after what you 
 have feen ? 
 
 Phil. I know not what I have feen, nor what I 
 have heard ; but, fmce I'm at leifure, you may tell 
 me, when you fell in love with me ; how you fell in 
 love with me ; and what you have fufier'd, or are 
 ready to fuffer for me. 
 
 Tom. O the unmerciful jade ! when I'm in hafle 
 
 about my matter's letter But, I mufl go thro' 
 
 it. \_AJi de.~\ Ah ! too well I remember when,, 
 
 and how, and on what occafion, I was firft fur- 
 priz'd. It was on the firft of April, one thoufand 
 feven hundred and fifteen, I came into Mr. Sealand's 
 fervice : I was then a hobble-de-hoy, and you a pret- 
 ty light tight girl, a favourite handmaid of the 
 
 houfekeeper. At that time we neither of us 
 
 kr. ,v what was in us : I remember I was order'd to 
 get out of the window, one pair of Hairs, to rub the 
 fames clean the pcrfon cmploy'd, on the inner- 
 fide was your charming felf, whom I had never feen 
 before. 
 
 PbiL I think, I remember the filly accident:. 
 what made ye, you oaf, ready to fall down into the 
 ftreet ? 
 
 Tom. You know not, I warrant you you could 
 
 not guefs what furpriz'd me. You took no delight, 
 when you immediately grew wanton in your conqueft,. 
 and pu,t your lips cloie, and breath'd upon the glafs, 
 and when my lips approach'd, a dirty cloth you rubb'd 
 againft my face, and hid your beauteous form ; when 
 I again drew near, you fpit and rubb'd, and fmil'd 
 at my undoing. 
 
 Phil. What filly thoughts you men have ! 
 
 Tom. We were Pyramus and Thifbc but ten> 
 
 times harder was my fate : Pyramus could peep only 
 through a wall ; I favv her, faw my Thifbe in all her 
 beauty, but as much kept from her as if a hundred 
 waifs between ; for there was more, there was her will 
 
 againit me would me but yef relent! O 
 
 Phillis! Phillis! Ihorten my torment, and declare 
 you pity me. PbiL
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 41 
 
 Pi-it. I believe it's very fufferable : the pain is 
 not fo exquifite, but that you may bear it a little 
 longer. 
 "Tom, O my charming Phillis, if all depended 
 
 on my fair one's will, I could with glory fuffer 
 
 but, deareft creature, confider our miserable Itate. 
 
 Phil. How! miserable! 
 
 Tom. We are miferable to be in love, and under 
 
 the command of others than thofe we love with 
 
 rhr.t generous paffion in the heart, to be fent to and 
 fro on errands, call'd, check'd and rated for the 
 ineaneft trifles. O Phillis ! you don't know how 
 many China cups and glafles my paffion for you has- 
 made me break : you have broke my fortune, as well 
 as my heart. 
 
 PhiL W41, Mr. Thomas, I cannot but own to. 
 you, that I believe your mailer writes and. you fpeak 
 the beft of any men in the world. Never was wo- 
 man fo well pleas'd with a letter, as my young lady 
 was with his, and this is an anfwer to it* 
 
 [Gives him a letter* 
 
 Tom. This was well done, my deareft : confider, 
 we muft ftrike out fome pretty livelihood forourfelves, 
 by clofing their affairs : it will be nothing for them 
 to gi/e us a little being of our own, fome fmall tene- 
 ment, out of their large pofTeffions : whatever they 
 give us, 'twill be more than what they keep for them- 
 lelves : one acre, with Phillis, wou'd. be worth a 
 whole county without her. 
 
 Phil. Oh, could I but believe you ! 
 
 Tom. If not the utterance, believe the touch of my 
 lips. [Kiffes her^ 
 
 Phil. There's no contradicting you : how clofely 
 you argue, Tom ! 
 
 Tom, And will clofer in due time. But I muft 
 haften with this letter, to haften towards the poflef- 
 
 fion of you. Then, Phillis, confider, how I muft 
 
 be reveng'd, look to it, of all your fkittifhnefs, my 
 looks, and at beft but coy compliances. 
 
 Phil. O Tom ! you grow wanton and fenfual, as 
 
 my
 
 42 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS.' 
 
 my lady calls it, I muft not endure it : Oh, fob! you 
 are a man, an odious filthy male creature : you mould 
 behave, if you had a righA.fanfe, or were a man of 
 fenfe, like Mr. Cimberton, with diftance and indiffer- 
 ence ; ' or let me fee fome other becoming hard word, 
 with feeming in-in-advertency ;' and not-fufh on-ene 
 
 as_i ^oa-wef ; e-feiz!ng a- -prey. But, hufh the 
 
 ladies are coming good Tom, don't kifs me above 
 
 once, and be gone lard, we have been fooling 
 
 and toying, and not confider'd the main bulinefs of 
 our matters and miftrefles. 
 
 Tom. Why, their bufinefs is to be fooling and toy- 
 ing, as foon as the parchments are ready. 
 
 Phil. Well remember'd parchments my 
 
 lady, to my knowledge, is preparing writings between 
 her coxcomb coufm, Cimberton, and my miftrefs ; 
 though my matter has an eye to the parchments al- 
 ready prepar'd between your matter, Mr. Bevil, and 
 my miftrefs ; and I believe, my uiittreis herfelf has 
 
 fign'd and feald, in -her heart, to Mr. Myrtle. 
 
 Did I not bid you kifs me but once ancTUe gone, but 
 I know you won't be fatisfy'd. 
 
 Tom. No, you finooth creature, how mould I ! 
 
 \_KiJfing her band. 
 
 Phil. Well, iince you are fo humble, or fo cool, 
 as to ravifh my hand only, I'll take my leave of you 
 like a great lady, and you a man of quality. 
 
 {They falute formally. 
 
 Tom. Pox of all this ftate. 
 
 [Offers to kifs her more clofely. 
 
 Phil. No, pr'ythee, Tom, mind your bufineis. 
 ' We muft follow that intereft which will take ; 
 * but endeavour at that which will be moft for us, 
 ' and we like moft' O here's my young mif- 
 trefs ! [Tom taps her neck behind, and kijfes his fngen.~\ 
 Go, you liquorim fool ! 
 
 Enter Lucinda. 
 
 Luc, Who was that you was hurrying away ? 
 
 Phil. One that I had no mind to part with. 
 
 Luc . Whv did you turn him away then ? 
 
 pin.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 43 
 
 Phil. For your ladyfhip's fervice, to carry your 
 ladyfhip's letter to his mailer : I could hardly get the 
 rogue away. 
 
 Luc. Why, has he fo little love for his mafter ? 
 
 Phil. No; but he has fo much love for his mSf- 
 trefs. 
 
 Luc. But, I thought I heard him kifs you. Why 
 do you futfer that ? 
 
 Phil. Why, Madam, we vulgar take it to be a fign 
 of love : we fervants, we poor people, that have no- 
 thing but our perfons to bellow or treat for, ' are 
 ' forc'd to deal and bargain by way of f^inple; and 
 ' therefore, as we have no parchments or wax necef- 
 ' fary in our agreements, we' fqueeze with our 
 hands, and feal with our lips, to ratifie vows and 
 promifes. 
 
 Luc. But can't you truft one another without fuch 
 earned down ? 
 
 Phil. We don't think it fafe, any more than you 
 gentry, t come together without deeds executed. 
 
 Luc. Thou art a pert merry huffy. 
 
 Phil. I wifh, Madam, your lover and you were as 
 happy as Tom and your fervant are. 
 
 Luc. You grow impertinent. 
 
 Phil. I have done, Madam : and I won't afk you 
 what you intend to do with Mr. Myrtle, what your 
 father will do with Mr. Bcvil, nor what you all, efpe- 
 cially my lady, mean by admitting Mr. Cimberton as 
 particularly here, as if he were married to you already ; 
 nay, you are married a&ually as far as people of 
 quality are. 
 
 Luc . How's that ? 
 
 Phil. You have different beds in the fame houfe. 
 
 Luc. Pfhaw ! I have a very great value for Mr. Be- 
 vil, but have abfolutely put an end to hispretenfions, 
 in the letter I gave you for him : ' but, my father, 
 ' in his heart, itill has a mind to him, were it not for 
 ' this woman they talk of; and, I am apt to ima- 
 ' gine, he is married to her, or never deligns to mar- 
 ' ry at all.' 
 
 Phil.
 
 44 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Phil Then Mr. Myrtle 
 
 Luc. He had my parents leave to apply tome, and 
 by that has won me and my affeftions : who is to 
 have this body of mine without 'em, it feems is no- 
 thing to me : my mother fays, it's indecent for me 
 to let my thoughts ilray about the perfon of my huf- 
 band : nay, fhe fays, a maid, rigidly virtuous, tho* 
 fhe may have been where her lover was a thoufand 
 times, fhould not have made obfervations enough to 
 know him from another man, when fhe fees him in a 
 third place. 
 
 Phil. That is more than the feverity of a nun : for 
 cot to fee, when one may, is hardly poffible ; not to 
 fee when one can't, is very eafy : at this rate, Ma- 
 dam, there are a great many whom you. have not 
 feen, who 
 
 Luc. Mamma fays the firft time you fee your huf- 
 band fhould be at that inftant he is made fo ; 
 when your father, with the help of the minifker, 
 gives you to him ; then you are to fee him, then you 
 are to obferve and take notice of him, becaufe then 
 you are to obey him. 
 
 Phil. But does not my lady remember you are to 
 love as well as obey ? 
 
 Luc. To love is a paffion, 'tis a defire, and we muft 
 have no defires. Oh ! I cannot endure the reflec- 
 tion ! with what infenfibility on my part, with what 
 more than patience have I been expos'd, and offer'd 
 to fome aukward booby or other, in every county of 
 Great-Britain ? 
 
 Phil. Indeed, Madam, I wonder I never heard 
 you fpeak of it before with this indignation. 
 
 Luc. Every corner of the land has prefented me 
 with a wealthy coxcomb. As faft as one treaty has 
 gone off, another has come on, till my name and 
 perfon have been the tittle tattle of the whole town : 
 ' What is this world come to ! No fhame left ! To be 
 ' barter'd for, like the beads of the fields, and that, 
 ' in fuch an inflance, as coming together, to an 
 * intire familiarity, and union of foul and body; 
 
 ' Oh !
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 45 
 
 * Oh ! and this, without being fo much as well-wifh- 
 ' ers to each other, but for encreafe of fortune.' 
 
 Phil. But, Madam~ all" "thcfe- rrxations will end 
 very foon, in one for all : Mr. Cimberton is your 
 mother's kinfman, and three hundred years an older 
 gentleman than any lover you ever had ; for which 
 reafon, with that of his prodigious large eftate, fhe 
 is refolved on him, and has fent to confuit the lawyers 
 accordingly. Nay, has (whether you know it or not) 
 been in treaty with Sir Geoffry, who, to join in the 
 fettlement, has accepted of a fum to do it, and is 
 every moment expe&ed in town for that purpofe. 
 Luc. How do you get all this intelligence ? 
 Phil. By an art I have, I thank my liars, beyond 
 all the waiting-maids in Great Britain : the art of 
 lilVning, Madam, for your ladymip's fervice. 
 
 Luc . 1 mall loon know as much as you do : leave 
 
 me, leave me, Phillis, be gone : here, here, I'll 
 
 turn you out. My mother fays I muft not "converge 
 
 with my Tenants; tho' I mult converfe with no one 
 
 elfc. [Exit Phillis.] ' Ho>\- unhappy are we, who 
 
 are bornjo gicat fonur.e-: ! No one looks at us 
 
 with iivliHl-rcnce, or acb towards us on the foot of 
 
 plain ilciii'r.;:; yet, by ail I have been heretofore 
 
 o'ferd to, or treated for, I have been us'd with the 
 
 molt agreeable ofallabufes, flattery; but now, by 
 
 this flegmatic fool, I am us r d as nothing, or a 
 
 mere thing; he, forfooth ! is too wile, too learned, 
 
 to have any regard to deiires, and, I know not 
 
 what the learned oaf calls fentirnents of love and 
 
 paffion ' Here he comes with my mother 
 
 It's much if he looks at me ; or, if he does, takes no 
 more notice of me, than of any other moveable in 
 the room. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Senland and Mr, Cimberton. 
 Mrs. Seal. How do I admire this noble, this learn- 
 ed tufte cf yours, and the worthy regard you have to 
 our own ancient and honourable houfe, in confulting 
 a means, to keep the blood as pure, and as regularly 
 defcended as may be !
 
 46 THE CONSCIOUS .LOVERS. 
 
 dm. Why, really, Madam, the young women of 
 this age are treated with difcourfes of fuch a tendency; 
 and their imaginations fo bewilder'd in flefh and 
 blood, that a man of reafon can't talk to be under- 
 ftood : they have no ideas of happinefs, but what 
 are more grofs than the gratification of hunger and 
 third. 
 
 Luc. With how much reflection he is a coxcomb ! 
 
 [A/&. 
 
 dm. And in truth, Madam, I have confider'd it 
 as a moll brutal cuftom, that perfons, of the firft 
 character in the world, mould go as ordinarily, and 
 with as little fhame, to bed, as to dinner with one 
 another. They proceed to the propagation of the 
 fpecies, as openly, as to the prefervation of the 
 individual. 
 
 Luc. She that willingly goes to bed to thee, muft 
 have no (hame, I'm fure ! \_Afide. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. O coufm Cimberton ! coufin Cim- 
 berton ! how abftrafted, how refined, is your fenfe 
 of things ! But, indeed, it is too true, there is no- 
 thing lo ordinary as to fay, in the beft-govern'd fa- 
 milies, my mafter and lady are gone to bed : one 
 does not know but it might have been faid of 
 one's felf. \Hiding her face with her fan. 
 
 dm. Lycurgus, Madam, inftituted otherwife : 
 among the Lacedemonians, the whole female world 
 was pregnant, but none, but the mothers themfelves, 
 knew by whom : their meetings were fecret, and the 
 amorous congrefs always by Health ; and no fuch 
 profefTed doings between the fexes, as are tolerated 
 among us, under the audacious word, marriage. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. Oh ! had I liv'd in thofe days, and 
 been a matron of Sparta, one might, with lefs inde- 
 cency, have had ten children, according to that mo- 
 deft inftitution, than one under tke confufion of our 
 modern, barefac'd manner. 
 
 Luc. And yet, poor woman, me has gone thro* 
 the whole ceremony, and here I ftand a melancholy 
 proof of it. [AJtde.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 47 
 
 Mrs, Seal. We will talk then of bufmefs. That 
 girl walking about the room there is to be your 
 wife. She has, I confefs, no ideas, no fentiments, 
 that fpeak her born of a thinking mother. 
 
 Cimb. I have obferv'd her : her lively look, free 
 air, and difengag'd countenance, fpeak, her very. 
 Luc. Very, what ? 
 
 Cimb. If you pleafe, Madam to fet her a little 
 that way. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. Lucinda, fay nothing to him, you are 
 not a match for him : when you are married, you 
 may fpeak to fuch a hufband, when ye're fpoken to. 
 But, I am difpofing of you, above yourielf, every 
 way. 
 
 Cimb, Madam, you cannot but obferve the incon- 
 veniences I expofe myfelf to, in hopes that your lady- 
 (hip will be the confort of my better part : As for 
 the young woman, (he is rather an impediment, than 
 a help, to a man of letters and fpeculation. Madam, 
 there is no reflection, no philofophy, can, at all times, 
 fubdue the fenfitive life, but the animal (hall fome- 
 times carry away the man : Ha ! ay, the vcrmillion 
 cf her lips. 
 
 Luc . Pray, don't talk of me thus. 
 Cimb. The pretty enough pant of her bofom. 
 Luc, Sir ! Madam, don't you hear him ? 
 Cimb. Her forward cheft. 
 Luc. Intolerable ! 
 Citnb. High health. 
 
 Luc . The grave, eafy impudence of him ! 
 Cimb. Proud heart. 
 Luc. Stupid coxcomb ! 
 
 Cimb. I fay, Madam, her impatience, while we are 
 looking at her, throws out all attractions her arms 
 her neck what a fpring in her flep ! 
 
 Luc. Don't you run me over thus, you ftrange un- 
 accountable ! 
 
 Cimb. What an elafticity in her veins and ar- 
 teries ! 
 
 Luc. I have no veins, no arteries. 
 
 Mr*.
 
 48 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. O child, hear him, he talks finely, 
 he's a fcholar, he knows what you have. 
 
 Cimb. The fpeaking invitation of her fliape,. the 
 gathering of herfelf up, and the indignation you fee 
 in the pretty little thing - now, I am confidering 
 her, on this occafion, but as one that is to be preg- 
 nant. - 
 
 ' Luc, The familiar, learned, unfeafonable puppy ! 
 
 ' Cimb. 1 And pregnant undoubtedly me will be 
 yearly. I fear, I (han't, for many years, have dif- 
 cretion enough to give her one fallow feafon. 
 
 Luc. Monfter 1 there's no bearing it. The hideous 
 fot ! - there's no enduring it, to be thus furvey'd 
 like a fteed at fale. 
 
 Cimb. At fale ! (he's very illiterate - But ftre'a 
 
 very well limb'd too : turn her in ; I fee what fhe is. 
 
 [Exit Lucinda in a rage. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. Go, you creature ! I am aiham'd of 
 you ! 
 
 Cimb. No harm done - you know, Madam, the 
 better fort of people, as I obferv'd to you, treat by 
 their lawyers of weddings {adjufting him/elf at tht 
 glafs} and the woman in the bargain, like the man- 
 fion-houfe in the fale of the eftate, is thrown in, and 
 what that is, whether good or bad, is not at all con- 
 fider'd. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. I grant it, and therefore make no de- 
 mand for her youth, and beauty, and every ocher 
 accomplilhment, as the common world think 'em, 
 becaufe flie is not polite. 
 
 Cimb. ' Madam, I know, your exalted underftand- 
 
 * ing, abftra&ed, as it is, from vulgar prejudices, 
 
 * will not be offended, when I declare to you^!_X 
 marry to have an heir to my eftate^and not to beget 
 a colony, or" a plantation : this young woman's 
 beauty, and conllitution, will demand provifion for 
 a tenth child at leaft. 
 
 ' Mrs. Seal. With all that wit, and learning, how 
 
 ' confiderate ! What an oeconomift ! \ajide. ] - Sir, 
 
 7 ' I cannot
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 49 
 
 I cannot make her any other than fhe is ; or fay fhe 
 is much better than the other young women of this 
 age, or fit for much, befides being a mother; but 
 I have given directions for the marriage fettle- 
 ments, and Sir Geoffry Cimberton's council is 
 to meet ours here, at this hour, concerning his 
 joining in the deed, which, when executed, makes 
 you capable of fettling what is due to Lucinda's 
 fortune : herfelf, as I told you, I fay nothing of. 
 * Cimb. No, no, no, indeed, Madam, it is not 
 
 * ufual ; ? and I muft depend upon my own reflec- 
 tion and philofophy not to overilock my family. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. I cannot help her, coufm Cimbcrton ; 
 Tsut flie is, for aught I fee, as well as the daughter of 
 any body elfe. 
 
 Cimb. That is very true, Madam. 
 Enter a fervant, who tuhifpers Mrs. Sealand. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. The lawyers are come, ' and now we 
 ( are to hear what they have refolv'd as to the point 
 
 * whether it's neceflary that Sir Geojfrj ihould join 
 ' in the fettlement, as being what they call in the 
 ' remainder.' But, good coufm, you muit have pa- 
 tience with 'em. Thefe lawyers, I am told, are of 
 a different kind : one is what they call a chamber- 
 council, the other a pleader : the conveyancer is flow, 
 from an imperfection in his fpeech, and therefore 
 fhun'd the bar, but extremely paflionate, and impa- 
 tient of con trad jaion : the other is as warm as he; 
 but has a tongue ib voluble, and a head fo conceited, 
 he will fuffer no body to fpeak but himfelf. 
 
 Cimb. You mean old ferjeant Target, and coun- 
 fell or Bramble ? I have heard of 'em. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. The fame : fhew in the gentlemen. 
 
 [Exit Servant. 
 Re-enter Servant, introducing Myrtle and Tom, dif- 
 
 guiffd as Bramble and Target. 
 Mrs. Seal. Gentlemen, this is the party concern'd, 
 Mr. Cimberton ; and I hope you have confider'd of 
 the matter. 
 
 c r*r.
 
 5 o THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Tr.r. Yes, Madam, \ve have agreed that it mult be 
 
 by Indent dent dent dent 
 
 Bram. Yes, Madam, Mr. Serjeant and myfelf 
 have agreed, as he is pleas'd to inform you, that it 
 muft be an indenture tripartite, and tripartite let it 
 be, for Sir Geoffry mult needs be a party ; old Cim- 
 berton, in the year 1619, fays, in that ancient roll, 
 in Mr. Serjeant's hands, as recourfe thereto being 
 
 had, will raore at large appear- 
 
 Tar. Yes, and by the deeds in your hands, it ap- 
 pears, that 
 
 Br*m. Mr. Serjeant, I beg of you to make no in- 
 ferences upon what is in our cuftoi!y ; but fpeak to 
 
 .the titles in your own deeds 1 fliall not fliow that 
 
 deed till my client is in town. 
 
 Cimb. You know bcil your own methods. 
 Mrs. Seal. The fingle queftion is, whether the rn- 
 fail is fuch, that my coufin Sir Geoffry is neccfUiry in 
 this affair I 
 
 Bram. Yes, as to the lordfhip of Trctriplet, but 
 not as to the meffuage of Grimgribbcr. 
 
 Tar. I fay that Gr gr that Gr gr Grim- 
 gribber, Grimgribber is in us. That is to fay the 
 
 remainder thereof, as well as that of Tr -tr 
 
 Triplet. 
 
 Bram. You go upon the deed of Sir Ralph, made 
 in the middle of the laft century, precedent to that 
 in which old Cimbertcn made over the remainder, 
 and made it pafs to the heirs general, by which your 
 client comes in ; and. I queftion whether the remain- 
 ider even of Tretriplet is in him Uut we are willing 
 to wave that, and give him a valuable conlidcration. 
 But we mall not purchafe what is in us for ever, as 
 Grimgribber is, at the rate as we guard againit the 
 
 contingent of Mr. Cimberton having no fon 
 
 Then we know Sir Geoffry is the nril of the collate- 
 ral male line in this family Yet 
 
 1 Tar. Sir, Gr gr ber is 
 
 llratn. I apprehend you very well, and your argu- 
 ment might be of force, and we would be inclin'd to 
 
 hear
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 51 
 
 h MI- that in all its parts But, Sir, I fee very plainly 
 what you are going into 1 tell you, it is as pro- 
 bable a contingent that Sir Geoffiy may die before 
 Mr. Cimberton, as that he may outlive him. 
 
 Tar. Sir, we are not ripe for that yet, but I mull 
 fay 
 
 Bram. Sir, I allow you the whole extent of that 
 argument ; but that will go no farther than as to the 
 
 claimants under old Cimberton I am of opinion, 
 
 that, according to the inftruftion of Sir Ralph, he 
 could not dock the entail, and then create a new 
 eilate for the heirs general. 
 
 Tar. Sir, I have not patience to be told that, when 
 Gr gr ber 
 
 Bram. I will allow it you, Mr. Serjeant ; but there 
 muft be the word heirs for ever, to make fuch an 
 Ciiate as you pretend. 
 
 Cimb. I mud be impartial, tho' you are council 
 for my fide of the qucilion Were it not that you are 
 ib good as to allow him what he has not faid, I 
 lliould think it very hard you fhould anfwer him 
 without hearing him But, gentlemen, I believe you 
 have both con/ider'd this matter, and are firm in 
 your different opinions : 'twere better therefore you 
 proceeded according to the particular fenfe of each 
 of you, and gave your thoughts diilinftly in writing 
 And do you fee, Sirs, pray let me have a copy of 
 what you fay, in Englifh. 
 
 Bra7K. Why, what is all we have been faying ? 
 In Englifh ! Oh ! but I forgot myfelf, you're a 
 wit But however, to pleafe you, Sir, you mail have 
 it, in as plain terms, as the law will admit of. 
 
 Cimb. But I would have it, Sir, without delay. 
 
 Bram. That, Sir, the law will not admit of : the 
 Courts are fitting at Weftrainfter, and I am this mo- 
 ment oblig'd to be at every one of them, and 'twould 
 be wrong if I mould not be in the Hall to attend one 
 
 of 'em at leaft, the reft would take it ill elfe 
 
 Therefore, I muft leave what I have faid to Mr. 
 
 Serjeant's confideration, and I will digeft his argu- 
 
 C 2 mentj
 
 S 2 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 ments on my part, and you fhall hear from me again. 
 Sir. [Exit Bramble. 
 
 Tar, Agreed, agreed. 
 
 Cimb. Mr. Bramble is very quick He parted a 
 little abruptly. 
 
 Tar. He could not bear my argument, I pincht 
 him to the quick about that Gr gr ber. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. I favv that, for he durft not fo much as 
 hear you I (hall fend to you, Mr. Serjeant, as foon 
 as Sir GeofFry comes to town, and then I hope all 
 may be adjufted. 
 
 Tar. I mail be at my chambers, at my ufual hours. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Cimb. Madam, if you pleafe, I'll now attend to 
 the tea-table, where 1 fhall hear from your lady- 
 Ihip reafon and good-fenfe, aftejr .all this- law and 
 gibberiih, {-^\ '* - , U \ 
 
 Mrs. Seal. 'Tis a wonderful thing, Sir, that men 
 of their profeffion do not ftudy to talK the fubltance of 
 what they have to fay, in the language of the reft of 
 the world : fure, they'd find their account in it. 
 
 Cimb. They might, perhaps, Madam, with people 
 of your good-fenfe; but, with the generality, 'twould 
 never do : the vulgar would have no refpeft for 
 truth and knowledge, if they were expofed to naked 
 view. 
 
 Truth is too Jtmple, of all art berearfd : 
 
 Since the 'world will nvby let it be deceived. 
 
 [Exeunt* 
 
 ACT IV. SCENE Eevil junior's LcJghigs. 
 
 Bevil junior with a letter in bis band, foUo*u?d by 
 
 Tom. 
 
 Tom. T 7 PON my life, Sir, I knew nothing of the 
 V_J matter : I never open'd my lips to Mr. 
 Myrtle about any thing of your Honour's letter to 
 Madam Lucindu. 
 
 Bev.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 5:3 
 
 Bev. What's the fool in fuch a fright for ? I 
 don't fuppofe you did : What I would know is, whe- 
 ther Mr. Myrtle fhew'd any fufpicion, or afk'd you 
 any quefUons, to lead you to fay cafually, that 
 you had carry'd any fuch letter for me this morn- 
 
 "g- 
 
 Tom. Why, Sir, if he did afk me any queflior.s, 
 how could I help it ? 
 
 Bei}. I don't fay you could, oaf! I am not 
 queftioning you, but him : what did he fay to you ? 
 
 Tom. Why, Sir, when I came to his chambers, to 
 be drefs'd for the lawyer's part, your Honour was 
 pleas'd to put me upon, he afk'd me,- if I had been 
 
 at Mr. Sealants this morning ? So I told him, 
 
 Sir, I often went thither becaufe, Sir, if I had not 
 faid that, he might have thought there was fome- 
 thing more in my going now,, than at another 
 time. 
 
 Bev. Very well! The fellow's caution, I find, 
 has given him this jealoufy. \_AJide.'\ Did he aflc you 
 no other queftions ? 
 
 Tom. Yes, Sir now I remember, as we came 
 away in the hackney coach, from Mr. Staland'& t 
 Tom, fays he, as I came in to your mailer, this morn- 
 ing, he bad you go for an anfwer to a letter he had 
 fent. Pray did you bring him any ? fays he Ah ! 
 fays I, Sir, your Honour is pleas'd to joke with me, 
 you have a mind to know whether I can keep a fe- 
 crct-, or no ? 
 
 Be~j. And fo, by mewing him you could, you tolct 
 him you had ones' 
 
 Tom. Sir [C0/a/V. 
 
 ev. What mean alions does jealoufy make a man 
 ftoop to? How poorly has he us'd art, with a fer- 
 vant, to make him betray his own mafter ? Well! 
 and when did he give you this letter for me ? 
 
 Tom. Sir, he writ it before he pull'd off his kw- 
 yer's gown, at his own chambers. 
 
 JSe-v. Very well : and what did he fay, when you 
 brought him my anfwer to it ? 
 
 C 3 Tom.
 
 54 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Tom. He look'd a little out of humour, Sir, and 
 faid, it was very well. 
 
 e<v. I knew he would be grave upon't wait 
 
 without. 
 
 fom. Humph ! 'gad, 1 don't like this ; I am afraid 
 we are all in the wrong box here. [Exit Tom. 
 
 Be<v. I put on a ferenity, while my fellow was 
 prefent : But I have never been more thoroughly dif- 
 turb'd ; this hot man ! to write me a challenge, on 
 fuppofed artificial dealing, when I profefs'd myfelf 
 his friend ! I can live contented without glory , but I 
 cannot fuffer mame. What's to be done ? But firft, 
 let me coniider Lucinda's letter again. {Reads. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 / kope it is confident ivlth tbe laivs a ivomati ought to 
 itnpofc upcn herfelf, to acknowledge, that your manner of 
 declining a treaty of marriage in our family, and de- 
 fer ing tbe refufal may ccme from me, has fometbing mere 
 engaging in it, than tbe ccurtjbip cfb:m, who, 1 fear, 
 nv ill fall to my lot, except your friend exerts bimjrlf for 
 cur common fafety and bappinefs. I have reafons far 
 defirtng Mr. Myrtle may net kncia cf this letter, till 
 hereafter, and am y Bur weft oblig'd humble fefvant, 
 
 Lucinda Sealand. 
 
 Well, but the poftfcript. [Reads. 
 
 I won't, upon fsfond thoughts, biJe any. thing from 
 vcu. But my reafca for ttncealing this is, that Mr. 
 Myrtle has a j salon ly in his temper, which gi<ucs me 
 Jome terrors ; but my efieem for him inclines me 10 bcfe 
 that cxly an ill ejf'etf, vcbich fcanttimes accompanies a 
 tender love, and ivbat may be cur'd by a careful and 
 unblameable conduct. 
 
 Thus has this lady made me her friend and con. 
 fident, and put herfelf, in a kind, under my pro- 
 tcdion : I omnot tell him immediately the purport 
 of her letter, except I could cure htm of the violent 
 and untra&able paffion of jealoufy, and fo fcrve him 
 and her, by difobeying her, in the article of fecrecy, 
 more than I fhould by complying with her directions 
 But then this duelling, which cultcm has im- 
 
 po='d
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 55 
 
 pos'd upon every man, who would live with repu- 
 tation and honour in the world How muft I pre- 
 
 ferve myfelf from imputations there? He'll, forfooth,- 
 call it, or think it tear, if I explain myfelf without 
 fighting But this letter I'll read it again. 
 SIR, 
 
 You have us 'd me bafcly, in corrffpcnding, and carry- 
 ing on a treaty, where you told me you were indifferent : 
 I have changed my /word fine e I fai'j you ; which ad- 
 vertifement I thought proper to fend you againjl the next 
 n:<;cl ing bct-ivc e n you, and the injur'd 
 
 Charles Myrtle. 
 Enter Tom. 
 
 Fern. Mr. Myrtle, Sir : would your Honour pleafe 
 to fee him ? 
 
 Bev. Why, you ftupid creature ! let Mr. Myrtle 
 wait a.t my lodgings ! Shew him up. [Exit Tom.] 
 
 Well ! 1 am refolv'd upon my carriage to him 
 
 He is in love, and in ever)' circumftance of life a 
 little diftruftful, which I muft allow for but here hfe 
 is. [Enter Tom introducing Myrtle.] Sir, I am ex- 
 tremely oblig'd to you for this honour But, Sir, 
 
 you, with your very difcerning face, leave the room. 
 [Exit Tom.] Well, Mr. Myrtle, your commands 
 with me ? 
 
 Myrt. The time, the place, our long acquaint- 
 ance, and many other circumftances, which atfec~t 
 me on this occafion, oblige me, without farther ce- 
 remony or conference, to defire you would not on- 
 ly, as you already have, acknowledge the receipt of 
 my letter, but alfo comply with the requeft in u. I 
 muft have farther notice taken of my meflage than 
 
 thefe half lines 1 have yours 1 lhall be 
 
 at home.- ' 
 
 e r u. Sir, I own I have received a letter from you, 
 in a very unufual ftyle ; but as I defign every thing, 
 in this matter, (hall be your own aftion, your own 
 feeking, I mail underftand nothing, but what you 
 are pleas'd to confirm, face to face, and I have al- 
 ready forgot the contents of your cpiftle. 
 C 4
 
 56 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Myrt. This cool manner is very agreeable to the 
 abuie you have ilready made of my iimplicity and 
 franknefs ; and I fee yonr moderation tends to your 
 own advantage, and not mine ; to your own faiety, 
 not confideration of your friend. 
 
 e-v. My own fafety, Mr. Myrtle ! 
 
 Myrt'. Your own faiety, Mr. Bevil. 
 
 Bev. Look you, Mr. Myrtle, there's no difguif- 
 
 ing that I underftand what you would be at But, 
 
 Sir, you know, I have often dared to difapprove of 
 the decifionsjthat tyrant, Cuilonij-hr.s introduced, to 
 the breach of all laws both divine and human. 
 
 Myrt. Mr. Bevil, Mr. Bevil, it would be a good 
 firft principle, in thofe who have fo tender a con- 
 fcience that way, to have as much abhorrence of 
 doing injuries, as 
 
 Bev. As what ? 
 
 Myrt. As fear of anfwering for 'em. 
 
 Be-v. As fear of anfwering for 'em ! But that ap- 
 prehenfion is juft or blameable, according to the 
 
 objedl of that fear 1 have often told you in 
 
 confidence of heart, I abhorr'd the daring to offend 
 the Author of life, and rufhing into his prefence 
 I fay, by the very fame adt, to commit the crime 
 againft him, and immediately to urge on to his 
 tribunal. 
 
 Myrt. Mr. Myrtle, I rnult tell you, this coclnefs, 
 this gravity, this fliew of confcience, Ihall never cheat 
 me of my miftrefs. You have, indeed, the beft ex- 
 cufe for life, the hopes of poflefiing Lucinda ; i>ut 
 confider, Sir, I have as much reafon to be weary of 
 it, if I am to lofe her ; and my firll attempt to re- 
 cover her, mall be to let her fee the dauntlefs man, 
 who is to be her guardian and proteftor. 
 
 JBrv. Sir, mew me but the lealt glimpfe of argument, 
 that I am authoriz'd, by my own hand, to vindi- 
 cate any lawlefs infult of this nature, and I will 
 fhew thee tochaftiite thee hardly deferves the name 
 of courage flight, inconfiderate man! There is, Mr. 
 Myrtle, no fuch terror in quick anger ; and you 
 
 Ihall,
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. $} 
 
 ffiall, you know not why, be cool, as you have, you 
 know not why, been warm. 
 
 Myrt. Is the woman one loves fo little an occa- 
 fion of anger ? You perhaps, who know not what 
 it is to love, who have your ready, your commo- 
 dious, your foreign trinket, for your loofe hours; 
 and from your fortune, your fpecious outward car- 
 riage, and other lucky circumltances, as eafy a way 
 to the pofleffion of a woman of honour : you know 
 nothing of what it is to be alarm'd, to be diftrafted, 
 with anxiety and terror of lofing more than life : 
 your marriage, happy man ! goes on like common 
 bufmefs, and in the interim, you have your rambling 
 captive, your Indian princefs, for your foft mo- 
 ments of dalliance, your convenient, your ready 
 Indiana. 
 
 Bev. You have touch'd me beyond the patience of 
 a man ; and I'm excufabie, in the guard of innocence 
 (or from the infirmity of human nature, which can 
 bear no more) to accept your invitation, and ob- 
 
 ierve your letter Sir, I'll attend you.. 
 
 Enter Tom. 
 
 Tow. Did you call, Sir? I thought you did : I heard' 
 you fpeak loud. 
 
 Be<v. Yes, go call a coach. 
 
 Tom. Sir Mailer Mr. Myrtle Friends 
 
 Gentlemen what d'ye mean? lam but 
 
 a fervant, or 
 
 Be<v. Call a coach. [Exit Tom.] [A long pavfe, 
 walking fullenly by each other.~\ [AJide.] Shall I 
 (though provok'd to the uttermoft) recover myfelf 
 at the entrance of a third perfon, and that my 
 fervant too, and not have refpeft enough to all I 
 hive ever been receiving from infancy, the obliga- 
 tion to the beft of fathers, to an unhappy virgin too,- 
 \vhofe life depends on mine. [Shutting the door.\ 
 [To Myrtle.] I have, thank Heaven, had time to 
 recollect myfelf, and fhall not, for fear of what iuch 
 a raih man as you think of me, keep longer unex- 
 plain'd the falfe appearances, under which youria&r- 
 C 5 mity
 
 58 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 mity of temper makes you fufTer ; when, perhaps, 
 too much regard to a falfe point of honour makes 
 me prolong that fuffering. 
 
 Myrt. I ana fure Mr. Bevil cannot doubt but I 
 had rather have fatisfa&ion from his innocence, than 
 his fword. 
 
 tv. Why then would you afk it firft that 
 way ? 
 
 Myrt. Confider, you kept your temper yourfelf no 
 longer than till I fpoke to the difadvantuge of her 
 you lov'd. 
 
 Bcv. True. But let me tell you, I have fav'd you 
 from the moA exquiiite diftrefs, even tho' you had 
 fucceeded in the difpute : I know you fo well, that 
 I am fure, to have found this letter about a man you 
 had kill'd, would have been worfe than death to 
 
 yourfelf Read it When he is thoroughly mor- 
 
 tify'd, and fliame has got the better of jealoufy, when 
 be has feen himfelf thoroughly, he will deferve to be 
 aifiited towards obtaining Lucinda. 
 
 Myrt. With what a fuperiority has be turn'd the 
 injury on me, as the aggrefibr ! I begin to fear, I have 
 been too far tranfportccl A treaty in our family! is 
 not that faying too much ? I mall relapfe But I 
 find (on the poftfcript) fcmcthlr.g like jealoufy with 
 what face can I fee my benefaftor ! my advocate! 
 
 whom I have treated like a betrayer. O Be- 
 
 yil ! with what words mall I 
 
 Be*v. There needs none : to convince is much 
 more than to conquer. 
 
 Myrt. But can you 
 
 Bev. You have o'erpaid the inquietude you gave 
 me, in the change I fee in you towards me : alas ! 
 what machines are we ! thy face is alter'd to that of 
 another mun ; to that of my companion s my friend. 
 
 ivljrt. That I could be fuch a precipitate wretch ! 
 
 fie-u. Pray, no more. 
 
 Mjrt. Let me rciljcl how many friends have died 
 by the hands of friends, for want of temper; and you 
 inult give me leave, to fay again, and again, how 
 
 much
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 59 
 
 much I an: beholden to that fuperior fpirit you have 
 fubdu'd me with what had become of one of us, 
 or perhaps both, had you been as weak as I was, and 
 as incapable of reafon ? 
 
 Bev. I congratulate to us both the efcape from 
 ourfelves, and hope the memory of it will make us 
 dearer friends than ever. 
 
 Mjrf. Dear Bevil, your friendly conduft has con- 
 vinc'd me, that there is nothing manly, but what is 
 conducted by reafon, and agreeable to the pradlice of 
 virtue and juitice : And yet, how many have been 
 facrific'd to that idol, the unreafonable opinion of 
 men ! Nay, they are fo ridiculous in it, that they 
 often ufe their fwords againft each other, with dif- 
 fembled anger, and real fear. 
 
 Betrayed by honour, and compelled by JhamfftoffoJrJ&J 
 
 They hazard being, to preferve a name : 
 
 Nor dare 'enquire infv the dread miftake, 
 
 'Till flung d in fad eternity they wake. [Exeunt 
 
 i 
 
 SCENE St. James's Park. 
 Enter Sir John Bevil, and Mr. Sealand. 
 StrJ. Bei> . Give me leave, however, Mr. Sealand, 
 
 as wo are upon a treaty for uniting our families, to 
 
 mention only the bufmefs of an ancient houfe 
 
 Genealogy and defcent are to be of fome confidera- 
 
 lion in an affair of this fort 
 
 Mr. Seal. Genealogy, and defcent! ' Sir, there 
 
 has been in our family a very large one. There 
 was Galfrid the father of Edward, the father of 
 Ptolomy, the father ofCraflus, the father of Earl 
 Richard, the father of Henry the marquis, the 
 
 father of duke John 
 
 ' Sir J. Be*v. What, do you rave, Mr. Sealand ? al! 
 
 * thefe great names in your family ? 
 
 ' Mr. Seal. Thefe ! yes, Sir J have heard my 
 
 4 father name 'em all, and more. 
 
 ' Sir J. Be-v. Ay, Sir ! and did he fay they 
 
 ' were all in your family ? 
 
 C 6 Mr.
 
 60 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 ' Mr. Seal. Yes, Sir, he kept 'em all he was 
 
 * the grcateft cocker in England he faid, duke 
 
 * John won him many battles, and never loft one. 
 
 ' Sir y. Bev. Oh, Sir, your fervant, you are 
 ' laughing at my laying any itrefs upon defccnt but 
 ' I muft tell you, Sir, I never knew any one, but 
 ' he that wanted that advantage, turn it into ridi- 
 ' cule. 
 
 ' Mr. Sea!. And I never knew any one, who had 
 ' many better advantages, put that into his account 
 ' But/ Sir John, value yourfelf as you pleafe 
 upon your ancient houfe, I am to talk freely of every 
 thing, you are pleas'd to put into your bill of rates, 
 on this occalion yet, Sir, I have made no ob- 
 jections to your fon's family 'Tis his morals, that 
 
 I doubt. 
 
 Sir y. Bev. Sir, I can't help faying, that what 
 might injure a citizen's credit, may be no ilain to a 
 gentleman's honour. 
 
 Mr* Seal. Sir John, the honour of a gentleman is 
 liable to be tainted by as fniall a matter as the credit 
 of a trader: we are talking of a marriage, and in 
 fuch a cafe, the father of a young woman will not 
 think it an addition to the honour or credit of her 
 lover that he is a keeper 
 
 Sir J. Bev. Mr. Sealand, do not take upon you to 
 fpoil my fon's marriage with any woman elfe. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Sir John, let him apply to any woman 
 elfe, and have as many miftrefles as he pleafes 
 
 Sir J. Be<v. My fon, Sir, is a difcreet and fober 
 gentleman 
 
 Mr. Seal. Sir, I never faw a man that wench'd fo- 
 berly and difcreetly, that ever left it off the de- 
 cency obferv'd in the pradice hides, even from the 
 finner, the iniquity of it. They purfue it, not that 
 their appetites hurry 'em away ; but I warrant you, 
 becaufe 'tis their opinion they may do it. 
 
 Sir J. Bev. Were what you fufpcct a truth do 
 
 you defign to keep your daughter a virgin, 'till you 
 find man unblemilh'd that way I 
 
 Mr.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 61 
 
 Mr. Seal. Sir, as much a cit as you take me for 
 I know the town and the world and give me leave 
 to fay, that we merchants are a fpecies of gentry, 
 that have grown into the world this laft century, and 
 are as honourable, and almoit as ufeful, as you landed 
 folks, that have always thought yourfelves fo much 
 above us ; for your trading, forfooth ! is extended 
 no farther than a load of hay, or a fat ox 'You are 
 pleafant people, indeed ! becaufe you are generally 
 bred up to be lazy, therefore, I warrant you, induftry 
 is difnonourable. 
 
 Sir J. Bev. Be not offended, Sir : let us go back 
 to our point. 
 
 Mr. Sea!. Oh ! not at all offended but I don't 
 love to leave any part of the account unclos'd look 
 you, Sir John, comparifons are odious, and more 
 particularly fo on occafions of this kind, when we 
 are projecting races, that are to be made out of bcth 
 fides of the camparifons. 
 
 SVr y. Be<v. But my fon, Sir, is, in the eye of the 
 world, a gentleman of merit. 
 
 Mr. Seal. I own to you, I think him fo. But, 
 
 Sir John, I am a man exercis'd and experienc'd in 
 chances and difailers : I loft, in my earlier years, a 
 very fine wife, and with her a poor lictle infant :- 
 this makes me, perhaps, over cautious to preferve 
 the fecond bounty of Providence to me, and be as 
 
 careful, as I can, of this child you'll pardon me, 
 
 my poor girl, Sir, is as valuable to me, as your boailed 
 fon to you. 
 
 Sir y. Be*v. Why, that's one very good reafon > Mr. 
 Sealand, why I wifh my fon had her. 
 
 Mr. Seal. There is nothing but this ftrange lady 
 
 here, this incognita, that can be objected to him- 
 
 here and there a man falls in love v/ith an artful 
 creature, and gives up all die motives of life to that 
 one paflion. 
 
 Sir J. Bev. A man of my fan's understanding 
 Cannot be fuppofed to be one of them. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Very wife men have been fo enflav'd : 
 
 and
 
 6z THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 and when a man marries with or:e of them upon his 
 hands, whether mov'd from the demand of the 
 world, or ilighter reafons ; fuch a hufband foils with 
 his wife for a month perhaps then good b'w'y', 
 
 Madam the mow's over ah ! John Dryden 
 
 points out fuch a hufband to a hair, where he 
 fays, 
 
 " And labile abroad Jo prodigal the dolt is, 
 
 ' Poor fpoufe at bom: as ragged as a colt is.' 
 Now in plain terms, Sir, I mall not care to have my 
 poor girl turn'd a grazing, and that mult be the cafe, 
 when 
 
 Sir J. Bw. But pray, confider, Sir, my fon 
 
 Mr. Seal. Look you, Sir, I'll make the matter fhort: 
 this unknown lady, as I told you, is all the objection 
 I have to him : but one way or other, he is, or -has 
 been, certainly engag'd to her I am therefore re- 
 folv'd, this very afternoon, to vifit her: now from 
 her behaviour, or appearance, I mall foon be let into 
 what I may fear, or hope for. 
 
 SirJ. Bev. Sir, I am very confident there can be 
 nothing enquir'd into, relating to my fon, thac will 
 not, upon being underftood, turn to his advantage. 
 
 Mr. Seal. I hope that, as fincerely as you believe 
 
 it Sir John Bevil, when I am fatisfied, in this 
 
 great point, if your fon's condudl anfwers the charac- 
 ter you give him, I mall wifh your alliance more 
 than that of any gentleman in Great Britain, and fo 
 your fen-ant. [Exit. 
 
 SirJ. rv. He is gone in a way but barely civil ; 
 but his great wealth, and the merit of his only 
 child, the heircfs of it, are not to be loft for a little 
 peevimnefs [Enter Humphrey.'} ' Oh ! Humphrey, 
 ' you are come in a feafonable minute: I want to talk 
 
 * to thee, and to tell thee, that my head and heart 
 ' are on the rack about my fon. 
 
 ' Humph. Sir, you may truft his difcretion, I am 
 
 * fure you may. 
 
 Sir J. ev. Why, I do believe I may, and yet 
 ' I'm in a thoufand fears, when I lay this vail wealth 
 
 ' before
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 63 
 
 before me: When Iconfider his prepofi'effions, either 
 generous, to a lolly, in an honourable love ; or 
 nbandon'd, pail redemption, in a vicious one; and, 
 from the one or the other, his infenfibility to the 
 faireft profpeft towards doubling our eftatc : a iU- 
 ther, who know? how ufeful wealth is, and how 
 ncceflhrv, even to thoic who defpifeit: I fay a fa- 
 ther, Humphrey, a father cannot bear it ! 
 ' Humph. Be not tranfported, Sir : you will gro\Y 
 incapable of taking any refolution in your per- 
 plexity. 
 * Sir y. Be-ij. Yet, as angry as I am with him, I 
 
 would not have him furpriz'd in any thing 
 
 This mercantile rough man may go grofly into 
 the examination of this matter, and talk to the 
 
 gentlewoman fo as to 
 
 Humph. No, I hope, not in an abrupt manner. 
 
 f SirJ. Bev. No, I hope not ! Why, doft thou 
 
 know any thing of her, or of him, or of any thing 
 
 of it, or all of it ? 
 
 ' H:inpb. My dear mailer, I know fo much ; that 
 
 I told him this very day, you had reafon to be fe- 
 
 crctly out of humour about her. 
 
 ' Sir J. Be-v. Did you go fo far? Well, what 
 
 laid he to thr.t ^ 
 
 ' Humph. His words were, (looking upon me fted- 
 
 fatYiy) Humphrey, fays he, that woman is a 
 
 woman of honour. 
 
 ' Sir y. B-V. How! Do you think he is married 
 
 to her, or defigns to marry her ? 
 
 ' Humph. I can fay nothing to the latter -But 
 
 he fays, he can marry no one without your con- 
 
 fent, while you are living. 
 
 ' Sir y. Bev. If he faid fo much, I know he fcorns 
 
 to break his word with me. 
 
 ' Humph. I am fure of that. 
 
 ' Sir y. BC--J. You are fure of that Well! that's 
 
 fome comfort Then I have nothing to do but 
 
 to fee the bottom of this matter, during this prefent 
 
 ruffle O Humphrey ! 
 
 Huaij-t.
 
 64 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS'. 
 
 ' Humph. You are not ill, I hope, Sir. 
 
 ' Sir J. Bev. Yes, a man is very ill that's in a 
 
 * very ill humour : To be a father, is to be in care for 
 ' one, whom you oftener difoblige, than pleafe, by 
 
 ' that very care Oh ! that fons could know the 
 
 ' duty to a father, before they themfelves are fa- 
 
 ' thers But, perhaps, you'll fay now, that I 
 
 ' am one of the happieft fathers in the world ; buti 
 
 * I affure you, that of the very happieft is not a con- 
 ' dition to be envied. 
 
 ' Humph. Sir, your pain arifes, not from the thing 
 ' itfelf, but your particular fenfe of it- You are 
 
 * overfond, nay, give me leave to fay, you are un-^ 
 ' juftly apprehenfive from your fondnefs: My mailer 
 ' Bevil never difoblig'd you, and he will, I know he 
 ' will, do every thing you ought to expecl. 
 
 ' Sir y. Bei>. He won't take all this money with. 
 
 c this girl For aught I know, he will, for- 
 
 ' footh, have fo much moderation, as to think he 
 ' ought not to force his liking for any confideration. 
 
 ' Humph, He is to marry her, not you ; he is to > 
 ' live with her, not you, Sir. 
 
 ' Sir J. Be-v. I know not what to think: But, I 
 ' know, nothing can be more miferablc than to be 
 
 ' in this doubt. Follow me : I muft come to fome 
 
 ' resolution.. [Exeunt.' 
 
 SCENE Bevil junicSs lodgings. 
 Enter Tom and Phillis. 
 
 Tom. Well, Madam, if you muft fpeak with Mr; 
 Myrtle, you fhall ; he is now with my mailer in the 
 library.. 
 
 Phil. But you muft leave me alone with him, for 
 he can't make me a prefent, nor Ifo handfomely take 
 any thing from him, before you : it would not be 
 decent. 
 
 Tom. It \vill be very decent, indeed, for me to re- 
 tire, and leave my miibcfs with another man. 
 
 Phil. He is a gontleman, and will treat oca. pro- 
 perly
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. $ 
 
 1'om. I believe fo but, however, I won't be far 
 
 off, and therefore will venture to trull you : I'll call 
 him to you, [Exit Tom. 
 
 Phil. What a deal of pother and fputter here is 
 between my miftrefs and Mr. Myrtle, from mere 
 punctilio ! I could any hour of the day get her to her 
 
 lover, and would do it But me, forfooth, will 
 
 allow no plot toggt him ; but, if Ju can come to her, 
 I know iKe would be glad of.it : I muft therefore do 
 her ah acceptaBIe~vToTence, and furprize her into hia 
 arms. I am fure I go by the beft rule imaginable: 
 If me were my mnid, I fnould think her the belt 
 fervant in the world for doing fo by me. 
 Enter Myrtle and Tom, 
 
 Sir! you and Mr. Bevil are fine gentlemen, to 
 let a lady remain under fuch difficulties as my poor 
 miftrefs, and no attempt to fet her at liberty, or 
 releafe her from the danger of being inftantly mar- 
 ried to Cimberton. 
 
 Myrt. Tom has been telling But what is to 
 be done ? 
 
 Phil What is to be done when a man can't 
 
 come at his miftrefs ! Why, can't you fire our 
 
 houfe, or the next houfe to us, to make us run out 
 and you take us ? 
 
 Myrt. How, Mrs. Phillis 
 
 Phil, Ay 'let me fee that rogue deny to fire 
 a houfe, make a riot, or any other little thing, when 
 there were no other way to come at me. 
 
 Tom. I am oblig'd to you, Madam. 
 
 Phil. Why, don't we hear every day of people's 
 hanging themfelves for love, and won't they venture 
 the hazard of being hang'd for love? Oh! were 
 
 1 a man 
 
 Mryt. What manly thing would you have me un- 
 dertake, according to your ladymip's notion of a 
 man ? 
 
 Phil. Only be at once, what, one time or other, you 
 may be, and wifh, to be, or mult be. 
 
 Mjrt. Dear girl, talk plainly to me, and cenfi,der> 
 
 I*-
 
 66 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 I, in my condition, can't be in very good humour 
 you fay, to be at once what I rauft be. 
 
 Plnl. Ay, ay 1 mean no more than to be an 
 
 eld man ; I law you do it very well at the mafque- 
 ' rade:' In a word, old Sir Geoffiy Cimberton is every 
 hour expected in town, to join in the deeds and fettle- 
 ments for marrying Mr. Cimberton He is half 
 blind, half lame, half deaf, half dumb; tho', as to 
 his paffions and defires, he is as warm and ridiculous 
 as when in the heat of youth. 
 
 Tom. Come to the bufmefs, and don't keep the 
 gentleman in fufpence for the pleafure of being 
 courted, as you ferve me. 
 
 Phil. I faw you at the mafquerade act fuch a one 
 to perfection : go, and put on that very habit, and 
 come to our houfe as Sir Geoffry. There is not one 
 there, but rayfelf, knows his perfon : I was born in 
 the parifh where he is lord of the manor. I have 
 feen him often and often at church in the country. 
 Do nothefitate; but come thither: they will think 
 you bring a certain fecurity againfl Mr. Myrtle, and 
 you bring Mr. Myrtle: leave the reft to me, I 
 leave this with you, and expect They don't, I told 
 you, know you: they think you out of town, which 
 you had as good be for ever, if you lofe this oppor- 
 tunity. 1 muft be gene; I know I am wanted 
 
 at home. 
 
 Myrt. My dear Phillis ! [C*tci*s and kifi* l*r, 
 and gi<vfi htr money. 
 
 Phil. O fie! my kifles are not my own : you have 
 committed violence ; but I'll carry 'em to the right 
 owner. [Tom kijjfes her.] Come, fee me down ftairs, 
 [to Tom] and leave the lover to think of his lr.it 
 game for the prize. [Exeunt Tom aWPhillis. 
 
 Myrt. I think I will inftantly attempt this wild 
 
 expedient The extravagance of it will make 
 
 me lefs fufpected, and it will give me opportunity 
 to aflert my own right to Lucinda, without whom 
 I cannot live : But I am fo mortify'd nt this conduct 
 of mine towards poor Bcvil : he muft think meanly 
 
 of
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 67 
 
 of me I know not how to re-affume myfelf, 
 
 and be in fpirit enough for fuch an adventure as 
 
 this Yet I mull attempt it, if it be only to be 
 
 near Lucinda, under her prefent perplexities : and 
 
 7'be next delight to tranfpcrt <witb the fair, 
 
 Is to relieve her in her hours of care. [Exit. 
 
 A C T V. SCENE Sealand's Ht*ft. 
 
 Eater Phillis, nvitb lights, before Myrtle, difgnif'd like 
 old Sir Geoffry, Jtipported by Mrs. Seaiand, Lu- 
 cinda, 
 
 Mrs. Seal. 1WTOW I have feen you thus far, 
 
 JJN Sir Geoffry, will you excufe me 
 
 a moment, while I give my neceffary orders for your 
 
 accommodation ? [Exit Mrs. Seaiand. 
 
 Myrt. I have not feen you, coafin Cimberton, fince 
 you were ten years old: and as it is incumbent on 
 you to keep up our name and family, I ihall, upon 
 very reafonable terms, join with you in a fettle- 
 ment to that purpofe : tho' I muft tell you, coufin, 
 this is the firit merchant that has married into our 
 houfe. 
 
 Luc. Deuce on 'em ! am I a merchant, becaufe 
 my father is ? \_Afede. 
 
 Myrt. But is he diredlly a trader, at this time? 
 
 Cimb. There's no hiding the difgrace, Sir : he 
 trades to all parts of the world. 
 
 Myrt. We never had one of our family before,. 
 who defcended from perfons that did any thing. 
 
 C ;!>il>. Sir, li-nce it is a girl that tii^y have, I am, 
 for the honour of my family, willing to take it in 
 again ; and to fink her into our name, and no harm, 
 done. 
 
 M\\rt. 'Tis prudently and generoufly refolv'd 
 Is this the yoang thing } 
 
 Cimb.
 
 68 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Cimb. Yes, Sir. 
 
 Phil. Good Madam, don't be out of humour, but 
 kt them run to the utmoft of their extravagance 
 Hear them out. 
 
 Myrt. Can't I fee her nearer ? my eyes are but 
 weak. 
 
 Phil. Eefide, I am fure the uncle has fomethlng 
 worth your notice. I'll take care to get off the young 
 one, and leave you to obferve what may be wrought 
 out of the old one, for your good. [Exit. 
 
 Cimb. Madam, this old gentleman, your great 
 uncle, defires to be introduced to you, and to fee 
 you nearer approach, Sir. 
 
 Mryt. By your leave, young lady [Puts on 
 
 Jpe8ackf\ Coufm Cimberton ! She has exaccly that 
 fort of neck, and bofom, for which my fitter Ger- 
 trude was fo much admired, in the year fixty-one, 
 before the French drefles nrft discovered any thing in 
 women, below the chin. 
 
 Luc. ' \_Afide > ,] What a very odd fituation am I in ? 
 
 Tho' I cannot but be diverted, at the extravagance 
 
 * of their humours, equally unfuitable to their age ' 
 
 Chin, quotha 1 don't believe my paffionate 
 
 lover there knows whether I have one or not. Ha ! ha ! 
 
 Mryt. Madam, I would not willingly offend, but 
 I have a better glafs [Pulls out a large one. 
 
 Enter Phillis to Cimberton. 
 
 Phil. Sir, my lady defires ta fhew the apartment 
 to you, that (he intends for Sir Geoffry. 
 
 Cimb. Well Sir! by that time you have fufnciently 
 gazed, and funned yourfelf in the beauties of my 
 ipoufe there, I will wait on you again. 
 
 [Ex. Cimb. and Phil. 
 
 Myrt. Were it not, Madam, that I might be trou- 
 blefome, there is fomething of importance, tho' we 
 are alone, which I would fay more fafe from being 
 heard. 
 
 Luc. There is fomething in this old fellow me- 
 thinks, that raifes my curioiity.. 
 
 Mrjt. To be free, Madam,. I as heartily contemn 
 
 (hit
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 69 
 
 .this kinfman of mine, as you do, and am forry to 
 fee fo much beauty and merit devoted, by your pa- 
 rents, to foinfenfible a pofleffor. 
 
 Luc. Surprizing! I hope then, Sir, you will not 
 contribute to the wrong you are fo generous as to 
 pity, whatever may be the intereft of your family. 
 
 Myr. This hand of mine (hall never be employ'd. 
 to fign any thing, againft your good and happi- 
 nefs. 
 
 Luc. I am forry, Sir, it is not in my power to 
 make you proper acknowledgments; but there is a 
 gentleman in the world, whole gratitude will, I am 
 Jure, be worthy of the favour. 
 
 Myr. All the thanks I defire, Madam, are in 
 your power to give. 
 
 Luc. Name'them, and command them. 
 
 Myr. Only, Madam, that the firtl time you are 
 alone with your lover, you will, with open arms, re- 
 ceive him. 
 
 Luc. As willingly as his heart could wifh it. 
 
 Myrt. Thus then he claims your promife ! O Lu- 
 cinda ! 
 
 Luc. O ! a cheat ! a cheat ! a cheat ! 
 
 Myr. Hufh ! 'tis I, 'tis I, your lover, Myrtle him- 
 felf," Madam. 
 
 Luc. O blefs me ! what a raflinefs, and folly to 
 
 furprize me fo But hum my mother 
 
 Enter Mrs. Sealand, Cimberton, and Phillis. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. How now ! what's the matter ? 
 
 /*r. O Madam ! as foon as you left the room, 
 my uncle fell into a fudden fit, and and fo I 
 cry'd out for help, to fupport him, and conduct him 
 to his chamber. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. That was kindly done ! Alas ! Sir, how 
 ilo you find yourfelf : 
 
 Myr. Never was taken in fo odd a way in my life 
 
 pray lead me ! Oh! I was talking here (pray 
 
 carry me) to my coufin Cimbertons young laily 
 
 Mrs. Seal. \_Afide. \ My coufin Cimberton's young 
 
 'lady !
 
 70 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 lady ! How zealous he is, even in his extremity, for 
 
 the match ! a right Cirnberton. [Cimberton and 
 
 Luciuda lead him, as one in pain, Sec. 
 
 Cimb. Pox ! uncle, you will pull my ear off. 
 
 Luc. Pray, uncle ! you will iqueeze me to death* 
 
 Mrs. Seal. No matter, no matter- - he knows 
 not what he does. Come,, Sir, mail I help you 
 out ? 
 
 Myrt. By no means : I'll trouble no body, but my 
 young coufins here. [They lead him off'. 
 
 ' PkiL But pray, Madam, does your ladyfhip in- 
 
 * tend that Mr. Cirnberton mail really marry my 
 
 * youn.g miftrcfs at laft ? I -don't thinlc_ he likes 
 
 ' Mrs. Seal. -TtefTs not ' niateHaH men of his fpe- 
 
 * culation are above defires but be it as it may* 
 
 * now I have given old Sir Geoffry the trouble of 
 ' .coming up to fign and feal, with what countenance 
 
 * can I be off ? 
 
 Phil. As well as with twenty others, Madam : 
 ' it is the glory and honour of a great fortune to 
 ' live in continual treaties, and ftill to break off: it 
 
 * looks great, Madam. 
 
 ' Mrs. Seal. True, Phillis - yet to return to 
 ' our blood again into the Cimbertons is an ho- 
 ' nour not to be rejected - but were not you 
 
 * faying, that Sir John Eevil's creature Humphrey 
 ' has been with Mr. Sealand ? 
 
 ' Phil. Yes, Madam : I overheard them agree* 
 ' that Mr. Sealand mould go himfelf, and vifit this 
 ' unknown lady that Mr. Bevil is fo great with ; 
 ' and if he found nothing there to fright him, that 
 
 * Mr. Bevil mould ftill marry my young miftrefs. 
 
 * Mrs. Seal. How ! nay then he mail find me is 
 ' my daughter, as well as his : I'll follow him this 
 ' inftant, and take the whole family along with me: 
 
 ' the difputed power of djy(j20ng of my own daughter J 
 ' fhall be at an end this very night I'll live WJL. 
 
 ' appearance,
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 7 i 
 
 ' rpp^frfance, wherever I cany her, and for whofe 
 
 * lake I feem to be not at all regarded, ar.ci that in 
 
 * the belt of my days. 
 
 ' Phil. Indeed, Madam, if (he were married, your 
 ' ladyfhip might very well be taken for Mr. Sea- 
 ' land's daughter. 
 
 ' Mrs. Seal. Nay, when the chit has not been with 
 
 ' me, I have heard the men fay as much I'll no 
 
 ' longer cut off the greatell pleafure of a woman's 
 
 * life (the mining in affemblies) by her forward an- 
 
 * ticipation of the refpedl that's due to her fuperior 
 ' ihe fhall down to Cimberton Hall /lie fliaU 
 
 * ihe fliall. 
 
 ' Phil. I hope, Madam, I fhall ftay with your 
 hip. 
 
 ' Mrs. Seal. Thou (halt, Phillis, and I'll place 
 
 ' thce more about me. But order chairs imme- 
 
 ' diaicly-7 I'll be gone this minute. \Exeuiit.'' 
 
 SCENE Cbaring-Crofs. 
 Enter Mr. Sealand and Humphrey. 
 
 Mr. Seal. I am very glad, Mr. Humphrey, that 
 you agree with me, that it is for our common good 
 1 ihould look thoroughly into this matter. 
 
 Humph. I am, indeed, of that opinion ; for there 
 is i>o artifice, nothing concealed, in our family, 
 vvhich ought in jultice to bs known : I need not de- 
 Jire you, Sir, to treat the lady with care and re- 
 fpeft. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Mnfter Humphrey I fhall not be ruclc, 
 tho' I defign to be a little abrupt, and come into the 
 matter at once, to fee how me will bear, upon' a 
 furprife. 
 
 Humfb. That's the door, Sir: I wifli you fuccefs 
 
 ' [Wb ile Humphrey /peaks, Sealand conjuhs his 
 
 ' tnlh-bcok\ I am leis concern'd what liappens there, 
 
 ' becaufe I hear Mr. Myrtle is as well lodg'd as old Sir 
 
 ' Geoffry : fo I am willing to let this gentleman em- 
 
 " i ' ploy
 
 72 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 ' ploy himfelf here, to give them time at home ; 
 ' for I am fure, 'tis neceflary, for the quiet of our fa- 
 ' mily, Lucinda were difpofed of, out of it, fince 
 ' Mr. Bevil's inclination is fo much otherwife en- 
 * gaged. [Exit. 
 
 Mr. Seal. ' I think this is the door [Knocks} ' 
 
 I'll carry this matter with an air of authority, to en- 
 quire, tho' I make an errand, to begin difcourfe. 
 [Knocks again, and enter a Foot -boy.} So young man ! 
 is your lady within ? 
 
 Boy. Alack, Sir ! I am but a country boy 1 
 
 dant know, whether me is, or noa : but an you'll 
 ftay a bit, I'll goa, and afk the gentlewoman that's 
 with her. 
 
 Mrs. Sfal. Why, firrah, tho' you are a country 
 boy, you can fee, can't you ? you know whether me 
 is at home, when you fee her, don't you ? 
 Boy. Nay, nay, I am not fuch a country lad nei- 
 ther, matter, to think fhe's at home, becaufe I fee 
 her : I have been in town but a month, and I loll one 
 place already, for believing my own eyes. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Why, firrah ! have you learnt to lie al- 
 ready ? 
 
 Boy. Ay! mafter! things that are lies in the 
 
 country, are not lies at London 1 begin to know 
 
 my bufmefs a little better than fo but an you 
 
 pleafe to walk in, I'll call a gentlewoman to you, 
 
 that can tell you for certain Ihe can make bold to 
 
 afk my lady herfelf. 
 
 Mr. Seal. O ! then, me is within I find, tho' you 
 dare not fay fo. 
 
 Boy. Nay, nay ! that's neither here, nor there : 
 what's matter, whether me is within or no, if Ihe 
 has not a mind to fee any body ? 
 
 Mr. Seal. I can't tell, firrah, whether you are arch, 
 or fimple, but however get me a diredl anfwer, and 
 here's a milling for you. 
 
 Boy. Will you pleafe to walk in, I'll fee what I 
 Can do for you. 
 
 Mr.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 73 
 
 Mr. Seal. I fee you will be fit for your bufmefs, in 
 time, child. But I expeft to meet with nothing but 
 extraordinaries in fuch a houfe. 
 
 Bay. Such a houfe ! Sir, you han't feen it yet : 
 pray walk in. 
 
 Mr, Seal. Sir, I will wait upon you. [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE Indiana's Houfe. 
 
 Enter Ifabella and Boy. 
 
 ' Ifab. What anxiety do I feel for this poor crea- 
 ture ! What will be the end of her? Such a lan- 
 guifhing unreferv'd paflion for a man, that at laft 
 muft certainly leave, or ruin her ! and perhaps 
 both ! then the aggravation of the diftrefs is, that 
 
 fhe does not believe he will not but I mull own, 
 
 if they are both what they would feem, they are 
 made for one another, as much as Adam and Eve 
 were, for there is no other of their kind, but 
 themfelves. [Enter Boy.]' So Daniel! what news 
 with you ? 
 
 Boy. Madam, there's a gentleman below would 
 fpeak with my lady. 
 
 IJab. Sirrah ! don't you know Mr. Bevil yet ? 
 Boy. Madam, 'tis not the gentleman who comes 
 every day, and afks for you, and won't go in till he 
 knows whether you are with her or no. 
 
 Ifab. Ha ! that's a particular I did not know be- 
 fore : Well ! be it who it will, let him come up to 
 me. [Exit Bay, and re-enters 'with Mr. Sealand. 
 
 Ifabella looks amaz'd.] 
 
 Mr. Seal. Madam, I can't blame your being a 
 little furpris'd, to fee a perfect ftranger make a vifit, 
 
 and 
 
 Ifab. I am indeed furpris'd ! . I fee he does 
 
 not know me. 
 
 Mr. Seal. You are prettily lodg'd here, Madam ; 
 
 in troth you feem to have every thing in plenty 
 
 a thoufand a year, I warrant you, upon this pretty 
 jieit of rooms, and the dainty one within them. 
 
 [djide, and looking about. 
 D Ifab.
 
 74 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Ifab. [Apart.] Twenty years, it feems, have lefs 
 effect in the alteration of a man of thirty, than of 
 a girl of fourteen he's almoil ftill the fame ; ' but 
 ' alas ! I find, by other men, as well as himfelf, I 
 
 f am not what I was As foon as he fpoke, I was 
 
 ' convinc'd 'twas He ' How ihall I contain my 
 furprize and fatisfa&ion ! he muft not know me yet. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Madam, I hope I don't give you any 
 difturbance ; but there is a young lady here, with 
 whom I have a particular bufinefs to difcoarfe, and 
 I hope me will admit me to that favour. 
 
 Ifab. Why, Sir, have you had any notice concern- 
 ing her? I wonder who could give it you. 
 
 Mr. Seal. That, Madam, is fit only to be commu- 
 nicated to herfelf. 
 
 Ifab. Well, Sir ! you mall fee her: ' 1 find he 
 
 ' knows nothing yet, nor mail from me : I am re- 
 ' folv'd, I will obferve this interlude, this fport of 
 
 ' Nature and of Fortune. You Ihall fee her pre- 
 
 ' fently, Sir ;' for now I am as a mother, and will 
 truft her with you. [Exit. 
 
 Mr. Seal. As a mother ! right ; that's the old 
 phrafe, for one of thofe commode ladies, who lend 
 out beauty, for hire, to young gentlemen that have 
 prefling occafions. But here comes the precious lady 
 
 herfelf. In troth a very fightly woman 
 
 Enter Indiana. 
 
 Ind. I am told, Sir, you have fome affair that re- 
 quires your fpeaking with me. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Yes, Madam : there came to my hands 
 a bill drawn by Mr. Bevil, which is payable to- 
 morrow ; and he, in the intercoarfe of bufinefs, fent 
 it to me, who have cam of his, and defir'd me to 
 fend a fervant with it ; but I have made bold to 
 bring you the money myfelf. 
 
 Ind. Sir ! was that neceflary ? 
 
 Mr. Seal. No, Madam ; but, to be free with you, 
 the fame of your beauty, and the regard, which 
 Mr. Bevil is a little too well known to have for you, 
 excited my curiofity. 
 
 3 Ind
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 75 
 
 Ind. Too well known to have for me ! Your fober 
 appearance, Sir, which my friend defcrib'd, made 
 
 me expeft no rudenefs, or abfurdity, at leaft 
 
 Who's there ? Sir, if you pay the money to a fervant, 
 'twill be as well. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Pray, Madam, be not offended : I came 
 hither on an innocent, nay a virtuous defign ; and, 
 if you will have patience to hear me; it may be as 
 ufeful to you, as you are in a friendfhip with Mr. 
 Bevil, as to my only daughter, whom I was this day 
 difpofing of. 
 
 Ind. You make me hope, Sir, I have milts ken 
 you ; I am compofed again ; be free, fay on what 
 I am afraid to hear \djide. 
 
 Mr. Seal. 1 fear'd, indeed, an unwarranted pafliou 
 here, but I did not think it was in abufe of fo wouliy 
 an objedl, fo accomplim'd a lady, 2s your fenfe and 
 
 mien befpeak but the youth of our age care r.ot 
 
 what merit and virtue they bring to fhame, fo they 
 gratify 
 
 Ind. Sir you are going into very great errors 
 but, as you are pleas'd to fay you fee fomething in 
 me that has chang'd, at leaft, the colour of yourfuf- 
 picions ; fo has your appearance alter'd mine, and 
 made me earneftly attentive to what has any way 
 concerned you, to enquire into my affairs and 
 character. 
 
 Mr. Seal. How fenfibly ! with what an air fhe 
 talks ! 
 
 Ind. Good Sir, be feated and tell me tenderly 
 
 keep all your fufpicions concerning me alive, 
 
 that you may in a proper and prepared way ac- 
 quaint me why the care of your daughter obliges a 
 perfon of your feeming worth and fortune, to be thus 
 
 inquifitive about a wretched, helplefs, frier.dlefs 
 
 [fiveeping.~\ But I beg your pardon tho' I am an 
 orphan, your child is not ; and your concern for her, 
 it feems, has brought you hither I'll be composed 
 pray go on, Sir. 
 
 D z Mr.
 
 76 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Mr. Seal. How could Mr. Bevil be fuch a monfter, 
 to injure fuch a woman f 
 
 lad. No, Sir you wron g him he has not injur'd 
 me my fupport is from his bounty. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Bounty ! when gluttons give high prices 
 for deiicates, they are prodigious bountiful ! 
 
 Ixd. Still ftili you will perfift in that error 
 But my own fea.'s tell me all You are the gentle- 
 man, I fuppoie, for whofe happy daughter he is de- 
 llgn'd a huiband, by his good father ; ' and he has, 
 ' perhaps, tonfentcd to the overture: he washers 
 c this mormng, drefo'd beyond his ufual plainnefs, 
 nay moil fumptuouily 1 unU he 1*8 to be, perhaps, 
 this night a bridegroom, 
 
 Mr. Seal. I own he was intended fuch : but, Ma- 
 dam, on your account, I have determined to defer 
 my daughter's marriage, till I am fatisfied from your 
 own mouth, of what nature are the obligations you 
 are under to him. 
 
 Ind. His a&ions, Sir, his eyes have only made me 
 think, he defign'd to make 'me the partner of his 
 heart. The goodnefs and gentlenefs of his demean- 
 our made me mifinterpret all 'Twas my own. 
 
 hope, my own pafiion, that deluded me he never 
 
 made one amorous advance to me His large 
 
 heart, and bellowing hand, have only helpt the mi- 
 ferable : Nor know I why, but from his mere delight 
 in virtue, that I have been his care, the objedl on 
 which to indulge and pleafe himfclf, with pouring 
 favours. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Madam, I know not why it is, but I, 
 as well as you, am methinks afraid of entering into 
 the matter! came about; but 'tis the fame thing, as 
 
 if we had talk'd never fo diftinftly he ne'er mall 
 
 have a daughter of mine. 
 
 Ind. If you fay this from what you think of me, 
 
 you wrong yourfelf and him Let not me, mife- 
 
 rable tho' I may be, do injury to my benefaftor 
 
 No, Sir, my treatment ought rather to reconcile you 
 
 to
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 77 
 
 to his virtues If to beftow, without a profpeft 
 
 of return ; if to delight in fupporting, what might, 
 perhaps, be thought an objeft of ciefire, with no 
 other view than to be her guard againft thofe who 
 would not be fo difmtereiled^; if thefe adlions, Sir, 
 can in a careful parent's eye commend him to a 
 daughter, give yours, Sir, give her to my honeft, ge- 
 nerous Bevil What have I to do, but figh, and 
 
 weep, to rave, run wild, a lunatic in chains, or hid 
 in darknefs, mutter in diftra&ed fturts, and broken 
 accents, my ftrange, ftrange ftory ! 
 Mr. Seal. Take comfort, Madam. 
 Ind. All my comfort mufl be to expoflulate in 
 madnefs, to relieve with fren?A- my defpair, and 
 fhrieking to demand of Fate, why why was I born 
 to Aich variety of forrows ? 
 
 Mr. Sea!. If I have been the leaft occafion- 
 
 Ind. No 'twas Heaven's high will I mould 
 
 be fiich to be plunder'd in my cradle ! tofs'd on 
 the feas ! and even there, an infant captive ! to lofe 
 
 my mother, hear but of my father to be adopted ! 
 
 loie my adopter! then plung'd again in worfe cala- 
 mities ! 
 
 Mr. Seal. An infant captive ! - 
 Ind. Yet then ! to find the moll: charming of man- 
 kind., once more to fet me free (from what I thought 
 the !aft diilrefs) to load me with his fervices,. his 
 bounties, snd his favours ; to fupport my very life, 
 in a way that flole, at the fame time, my yery foul 
 i'tfelf from me. 
 
 Mr. Seal. And has young Bevil been this worthy 
 man ? 
 
 Ir.d. Yet, then again, this very man to take a- 
 rother ! without leaving- me the right, the pretence 
 of eafing my fond heart with teurs ! for oh ! I 
 can't reproach him, though the fame hand that 
 rais'd me to this height now throws me down the 
 precipice. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Dear lady ! O yet one moment's pa- 
 D 3 tience :
 
 73 TH E CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 tience : my heart grows full with your affli&ion ; but 
 
 yet, there's fomething in your itory that 
 
 Ind. My portion here is bitternefs and forrow. 
 Mr. Seal. Do not think fo : pray anfwer me : does 
 Bevil know your name and family ? 
 
 Ind. Alas ! too well ! O, could I be any other 
 
 thing than what I am I'll tear away all traces of 
 
 my former felf, my little ornaments, the remains- of 
 my firlt ftate, the hints of what I ought to have 
 
 been 
 
 [In her diforder ft: throws away a bracelet, 
 
 which Se aland takes up, and looks carnejily on it. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Ha ! what's this ? my eyes are not de- 
 
 celv'd ? It is, it is the fame ! the very bracelet which 
 
 1 bequeath'd my wife at our laft mournful parting. 
 
 Ind. What faid you, Sir ! your wife ! whither does 
 my fancy carry me? what means this unfelt motion 
 .it my heart ? and yet sgain, my fortune but deludes 
 me ; for if I err not, Sir, your name 15 Sealand ; but 
 
 my loir father's name was 
 
 Mr. Seal. Danvtrs ! was it not? 
 Ind. What new amazement ! that is indeed my 
 family. 
 
 Mr. Seal. Know then, when my misfortunes drove 
 me to the Indies, for reafons too tedious row to 
 mention, I chang'd my name of Danvers into 
 Sealand. 
 
 Enter Ifabella. 
 
 Ifab. If yet .there wants an explanation of your 
 wonder, examine well this face, (yours, Sir, I well 
 remember] gaze on, and read in me your filter 
 Ifabella ! 
 
 Mr. Seal. My After ! 
 
 I}ab. But here's a claim more tender yet 
 your Indiana, Sir, your long loft daughter. 
 Mr. Seal. O my child ! my child ! 
 Ind. All-gracious Heaven ! is it poflible ! do I em- 
 br-ce my father ! 
 
 Mr. Seal. And do I hold thce thefe paffions are 
 
 loo
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 79 
 
 too ftrong for utterance - rife, rife, my child, and 
 give my tears their way -- O my filler ! 
 
 [Embracing her. 
 
 Ifal. Now, deareft niece, ' my groundlefs fears, 
 ' my painful cares no more fhall vex thee *.' if I have 
 wrong'd thy noble lover with too hard fufpicions, 
 my juft concern for thee, I hope, will plead my 
 pardon. 
 
 Mr. Seal. O ! make him then the full amends, 
 and be yourfelf the meftenger of joy : fly this inltant ! 
 tell him all thefe wondrous tarns of Providence in 
 hisjravour ! tell him I have now a daughter to be- 
 ftovv, which he no longer will decline : that this day 
 hejftill fhall be a bridegroom ; nor fhall a fortune, 
 the rnerfrVhTcH KTs father feeks, be wanting: tell 
 him the reward of all his virtues waits on his accep- 
 tance. [Exit Ifab,] My deareft Indiana ! 
 
 [Turns and embraces her. 
 
 Ind. Have I, then at laft, a father's fanftion on. 
 my love ! his bounteous hand to give, and make my 
 heart a prefent worthy of Bevil's generofity ? 
 
 Mr. Seal. O my child ! how are our forrows paft 
 o'erpaid by fuch a meeting! though I have loft fo 
 many years of foft paternal dalliance with tliee, yet, 
 in one day to find thee thus, and thus bellow thee, 
 in fiich perfect happinefs ! is ample, ample repara- 
 tion ! and yet again the merit of thy lover. 
 
 Ind. O ! had I fpirits left to tell you of his adYions ! 
 ' how ftrongly filial duty has fupprefs'd his love ; 
 ' and how concealment ftill has doubled all his obli- 
 ' gations;' the pride, the joy of his alliance, Sir, 
 would warm your heart, as he has conquer'd mine. 
 l. HV 
 
 Mr. Seal. HV V 1 3 urinal" ; ff IQVP, whi" born cf 
 \jrtue ! I burn to embrace him --- 
 
 Ind. See, Sir, my aunt already has fuccecclcd, and 
 brought him to your wifhes. 
 Enter Ifabella, nvith Sir John Bevil, Beviljun. Mrs. 
 
 Sealand, Cirnberton, Myrtle, ^WLucinda. 
 Sir J. Be-v. [Entering.} Where, vviiere's this fcene 
 
 of
 
 go THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 of wonder! Mr. Sealand, I congratulate, on thfs 
 
 occafion, our mutual happinefs your good 
 
 filler, Sir, has, with the ftory of your daughter's 
 fortune, fill'd us with furprize and joy! now all ex- 
 ceptions are rcmov'd : my fon has now avow'd his 
 love, and turn'd all former jealoufies and doubts to 
 approbation ; and, I am told, your goodnefs has con- 
 fen ted to reward him. 
 
 Mr. Seal. If, Sir, a fortune equal to his father's 
 hopes, can make this objeft worthy his acceptance. 
 
 Bc'u.jun. I hear your mention, Sir, of fortune, 
 with pleafure only, as it may prove the means to re- 
 concile the beft of fathers to my love let him be 
 
 provident, but let me be happy My ever-deftin'd, 
 
 my acknowledg'd wife ! {Embracing Indiana. 
 
 Ind. Wife ! O ! my ever loved ! my lord ! 
 
 my m after ! 
 
 Sir J. Be<v. I congratulate myfelf as well as you, 
 that 1 had a fon, who could, under fuch difadvan- 
 tages, difcover your great merit. 
 
 Mr. Seal. O, Sir John ! how vain, how weak ]'> 
 hum;in prudence? what care, what foretigTu, \\'u.: 
 imagination could contrive fuch bleu events to make 
 our children harpy, as Providence in one iliort hour 
 has laid before us ? 
 
 Cimb. [To Mrs. Sealand.] I am afraid, mnclr.n, 
 Mr. Sealand is a little too bufy for our affair ! if yoir 
 pleafe we'll take another opportunity. 
 
 Mrs. Seal. Let us have patience, Sir. 
 
 Cimb. But we make Sir Gecffry 
 Madam. 
 
 Myrt. O Sir, I am not in hafte. 
 
 Mr. Seal. But here ! here's our general bencfaftor ! 
 excellent young man, that could be at once a lover 
 to her beauty, and a parent to her virtue. 
 
 Be--v.jun. If you think that an obligation, Sir, 
 give me leave to over-pay myfclf, in the only inftar.ce- 
 that now can add to my felicity, by begging you to 
 beftovv this Lady en Mr. Myrtle. 
 
 Mr. 
 
 tumty. 
 
 ce, Sir. ") DurhigtLis 
 7 wait, ( Bcv.jur../;v- 
 f/Jw/jLucinda 
 ftc. J to Indiana.
 
 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 81 
 
 Mr. Seal. She is his, without referve, (I beg he 
 
 may be fentfbr) Mr. Cimberton, notwithiland- 
 
 ing you never had my confcnt, yet there is, fince I 
 Jalt faw you, another objection to your marriage with 
 my daughter. 
 
 Ciml>. I hope, Sir, your lady has conceal'd nothing 
 from me ? 
 
 Mr. Seal. Troth, Sir! nothing but what was con- 
 ceal'd from myibif : another daughter, who has an 
 undoubted title to half my citato. 
 
 Ciinb. How! Mr. Sealand ! why then if half Mrs. 
 Luanda's fortune is gone, you can't fay that any of 
 my eitate is fettled upon her : I was in treaty for the 
 whole { but, if that is not to be come at, to be fure 
 there can be no bargain Sir, 1 have 
 nothing to do but to take my leave of your good lady, 
 my coufm, and beg pardon for the trouble I have 
 given this old gentleman. 
 
 Myrt. That you have, Mr. Cimberton, with all 
 rny heart. [Difco-vers bimfelf, 
 
 Omnes. Mr. Myrtle. 
 
 Myrt. And I beg pardon of the whole company, 
 that I afTumed the perfon of Sir Geoffry, only to be 
 prefent at the danger of this lady's being difpofed of, 
 and in her utmoft exigence to aflert my right to her; 
 which if her parents will ratifie, as they once favour'd 
 my pretenfions, no abatement of fortune (hall lefTen 
 her value to me. 
 
 Luc. Generous man ! 
 
 Mr. Seal. If, Sir, you can overlook the injury of 
 being in treaty with one, who has meanly left her, 
 as you have generoufly aflerted your right in her, 
 Hie is yours. 
 
 Luc. Mr. Myrtle, tho' you have ever had my 
 heart, yet now I find I love you more, becaufe I 
 bring you lefs. 
 
 ' Myrt. We have much more than we want ; and 
 ' I am gjadajay~ev.en.t- has contributed to the difcovery 
 ' of our real inclinations to'each other.' 
 
 Mrs. Seal. Well ! however I'm glad the girl's dif- 
 pofed of any way. . \Afide. 
 
 Bev.
 
 82 THE CONSCIOUS LOVERS. 
 
 Be<v. Myrtle ! no longer rivals now, but brothers. 
 
 Myrt. Dear Bevil ! you are born to triumph over 
 
 me ! but now our competition ceafes : I tejflite in the 
 
 preheminence of your virtue, and your alliance adds 
 
 charms to Lucinda. 
 
 Sir J. Be<u. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you have 
 fet the world a fair example : your happinds is, awing 
 to your.conftancy and merit ; and the ieveral difficul- 
 ties you have ilrugglecTwith, evidently (hew 
 What e'er the getter otii mind it/elf denies > 
 The f t(ret care of Providence Jupf lies. 
 
 [Exeunt.
 
 EPILOGUE. 
 
 By Mr. W E L S T E D. 
 
 S~\ UR author, whom intreaties cannot move, 
 
 ^^ Spite of the dear coquetry that you love, 
 
 wears he'll not fruft rate (Jo he plainly means} 
 
 By a loofe Epilogue, his indecent Jcenes. 
 
 Is it net, Sirs , hard fate I meet to-day , "1 
 
 To keep me rigid ft ill, beyond the play ? > 
 
 And yet, I'mfav'd a world of pains that vjay. j 
 
 / now can look, 1 now can move at eafe, 
 
 Nor need I torture thofe poor limbs to pleafe ; 
 
 Nor with the hand or foot attempt furprize, 
 
 Nor wreft my features, nor fatigue my eyes : 
 
 Blefs me ! what freakijh gambols have I play'd! 
 
 What motions try'd, and wanton looks betray' d ! 
 
 Out of pure kindnefs all! to over-rule 
 
 The threatened hifs, and fcreen fome fcribbling fool, 
 
 With more refpecl I'm entertain' ei to-night : 
 
 Our author thinks, I can with eafe delight. 
 
 My artlefs looks, while modeft graces arm, 
 
 He fays, I need but to appear , and charm* 
 
 A wife fo form' d, by thefe example bred, 
 
 Pours joy and gladnefs 'round the marriage bed ; 
 
 Soft four ce of comfort, kind relief from care, 
 
 And 'tis her leaft perfection to be fair. 
 
 The nymph with Indiana's worth who vies t 
 
 A nation will behold with Bevil's eyes. 
 
 FINIS.
 
 PLAYS printed for tie PROPRIETORS of 
 the Copies, at Sixpence each. 
 
 ABramule, by Dr. 
 Trapp 
 Adventures of Half an 
 
 Hour 
 Albion and Albanius, by 
 
 Dryden 
 
 Alchymift, by Ben Jobnfon 
 Alcibiades, by Otway 
 AH for Love, by Dryden 
 Ambitious Step-mother, 
 
 by Rowe 
 
 Amboyria, by Dryden. 
 Amphitryon, by Dryden 
 Anatomift, by Ravenfcroft 
 AnnaBullen, by Bankes 
 As you like It, by Shake- 
 
 fpeare 
 
 Artful Hufband, by Ta- 
 vern er 
 
 Athaliah, by Mr. Dun- 
 comb 
 
 Aurengzebe, by Dryden 
 Bartholomew Fair, by 
 
 Ben Johnfon 
 Baflet Table, by Cent- 
 
 livre 
 Beaux Stratagem, by Far- 
 
 quhar 
 
 Beggars Opera, by Gay 
 Biter, by Rowe 
 Bold Stroke for a Wife 
 Britifh Enchanters, by 
 
 Lanfdown 
 
 Bufiris, by Dr. Young 
 Bufy Body, by Centlivre 
 Caius Marius, by Otway 
 Carelefs I lufband, by Ci b- 
 
 ber 
 
 Catiline, by Ben Johnfon 
 Cato, by Addifon 
 
 Chances, by D. Bucking- 
 ham 
 
 Chaplet, by Mr. Mendez 
 Cleomenes, by Dryden 
 Cobler of Prefton 
 Comedy of Errors, by 
 
 Shakefpeare 
 Confcious Lovers, by Cib- 
 
 ber 
 Committee, by Sir R. 
 
 Howard 
 Confederacy, by Van- 
 
 brugh 
 Confcious Lovers, by 
 
 Steele 
 Conftant Couple, by Far- 
 
 quhar 
 
 Contrivances, by Carey 
 Country Lafles, by C. 
 
 Johnfon 
 Country Wife, by Wy- 
 
 cherly 
 Cymbeline, altered by 
 
 Mr. Garrick 
 Damon and Phillida, by 
 
 Mr. Dibden 
 Devil of a Wife 
 Devil to pay, by Coffey 
 Diftrefled Mother, "by 
 
 Amb. Phillips 
 Don Carlos, by Otway 
 Double Dealer, by Con- 
 
 greve 
 Double Gallant, by Cib- 
 
 ber 
 
 Dragon of Wantley 
 Drummer, by Addifon 
 Duke and no Duke, by 
 
 Sir A Cockain 
 Duke of Guife, by Dryden
 
 ArtJI. 
 
 THE MISEK .
 
 THE 
 
 M I S E R. 
 
 A 
 
 COMEDY, 
 
 WRITTEN BY 
 
 HENRY FIELDING, ESQ. 
 
 Marked vith the Variations in the 
 
 MANAGERS BOOKS, 
 
 AT THE 
 
 in 3Drutj?*lUmc* 
 
 LONDON; 
 
 Pnnttd for T. Lowndcs, T. CaHon, T. Davies, T. Cadell, "Wilfoa 
 
 and Nicol, J. Richardfon, T. Becket, W. Nicoll, G. Robinfon, 
 
 S. Bladon, H. S. Woodfall, W. WoodfalJ, and T. Evaas. 
 
 M.DCC.tXXTI.
 
 3> The Reader is defired to obferve, that the PaiTages 
 omitted in the Reprefentation at the Theatres are here 
 preferved, and marked with inverted Commas j as in 
 
 Line i to 10 in Page 9. Alfo, The Additions made at 
 
 the Theatres are diftinguiflied by Italia between inverted 
 Commas } as in the laft Line of Page 27, &c.
 
 PROLOGUE, 
 
 Written by a FRIEND. 
 
 CT^~O O long the flighted comic Mufe has mourn d, 
 
 *- Her face quite altered, and her art o*e rturn V j 
 
 That force of Nature ne-iv no more Jhe fees, 
 
 With which fo well her Johnfon knew to pleafe. 
 
 JVo characters from Nature now ive trace, 
 
 *All ferve to empty books of common-place : 
 
 Our modern bards , 'who to ajjemblies Jlray , 
 
 frequent the Park, the vijtt, or the play, 
 
 Regard not what fools do, but 'what wits fay. 
 
 Jnjl they retail each quibble to the town, 
 
 'That furely muji admire what is its cwa. 
 
 7"/.'us 'without characters from nature got, 
 
 Without a moral, and without a plot , 
 
 A dull collection of injlpid jokes, 
 
 Seme Jlole from conversation, fame from books, 
 
 Provided lords and ladies give 'em vent, 
 
 We call high Comedy, and feem content* 
 
 But to regale ivith other fort of fare, 
 
 ^To-night our author treats you with Molierc. 
 
 Moliere, who Nature's inmoft fecrtts knew, 
 
 It 'hofejujieji pen, like Kneller'j pencil drew. 
 
 In whofe ftrong fcencs all characters are fawn, 
 
 Not by low jejts, but actions of their own, 
 
 Happy our Englifh bard, if your applaufe 
 
 Grant h'as not injured the French author's caufe. 
 
 From that alone arifes all his fear ; 
 
 He muft befafe, if he has/av'd Moliere. 
 
 A 2
 
 Q 
 
 . 
 
 S! o .*O*ZQ 
 
 rt O g . #. hHH 02 
 
 i-3 -^-" . .o .!": = "*< 
 
 >,S"!"2"OQ!2 w o2'jS QJ 
 C > f: Bi e->Oi 5Q >_, a5 -," 1 j e i 
 
 3 Hu >o<^-S s5 <?a; w a'^<< 
 
 Q^^SQ^^O<^^^'J^O 
 
 J= *-' 2 J2 C 
 
 J 1 I 1 I I 1 I 1 I ! I I I 1 
 
 I's-fl^.JN 
 
 !iir s
 
 THE 
 
 MISER. 
 
 ACT I. SCENE Lovegold's houji. 
 Lappet and Ramilie. 
 
 /.tf/.T'LL hear no more. Perfidious fellow! have 1 
 Jt for thee llighted fo many good matches ? Have 
 I for thee turn'd off Sir Oliver's fteward, and my Lord 
 Landy's butler, and feveral others thy betters, and all 
 to be affronted in fo public a manner ? 
 
 Ramil. Do but hear me, Madam ! 
 
 Lap. If thou wou'dft have neglefted me, was there 
 nobody elfe to dance a minuet with but Mrs. Sufan 
 Crofsftitch, whom you know to be my utter averfion ? 
 
 Ramil. Curfeonall balls ! henceforth I (hall hate the 
 found of a violin. 
 
 Lap. I have more reafon, I am fure, after having 
 b^en the jefl of the whole company: what muft they 
 think of me, when they fee you, after I have counie^ 
 nanced your addrefTes in the eye of the world, take out 
 another lady before me ? 
 
 Ramil. I'm fure the world muft think worfe of me, did 
 they imagine, Madam, I could prefer aay other to 
 you. 
 
 Lap. None of your wheedling, Sir, that won't do. If' 
 you ever hope to fpeak to me more, let me fee you af- 
 front the little minx in the next aflembly you meci 
 her. 
 
 Ramil. I'll do it ; and luckily, you know, we are to 
 have a ball at my Lord Landy's the firft night he lies out - 
 of town, where I'll give your revenge ample fatifac- 
 tion. 
 
 Lap. On that condition, I pardon you this time; but 
 if ever you do the like again 
 
 Ramil. May I be banith'd for ever from thofe dear 
 eyes, and be tuni'd out of the family while you live 
 in it. 
 
 A 3 ' Enter
 
 6 THE MISER. 
 
 Enter Wheedle. 
 Wbeed. Dear Mrs. Lappet ! 
 Lap. My dear, this is extremely kind. 
 
 II' heed. It is what all your acquaintance muft do that 
 P xpeft to fee you. It is in vain to hope for the favour 
 of a vifit. 
 
 Lap. Nay, dear creature, now you are barbarous : 
 jny >oung iady has ftaid at home fo much, I have not 
 had one moment to myfelf : the firlt time I had gone 
 out, ' F am fure, Madam, would have been to wait on 
 Mrs. Wheedle. 
 
 Wbsed. My lady has ftaid at home too pretty much 
 lately. O Mr. Rainilie, are you confin'd too ! your 
 mafter does not itay at home, I am fure i he can find 
 the way to our houfe, tho' you can't. 
 
 RamiL That is the only happinefs, Madam, I envy 
 him : but faith ! I don't know how it is in this parlia- 
 ment time, oiic's whole days are fo taken up in the court 
 cfRequeib, and one's evenings at quadrille : the duce 
 take me if I have feen one opera fmce I came to town. 
 Oh! now I mention operas, if you have a mind to fee 
 Cato, I believe I can {teal my mailer's filver ticket ; for I 
 know he is engaged to-morrow with fome gentlemen, 
 who never leave their bottle for mufic. 
 
 Lap. Ah, the favages ! 
 
 "* Wheed. No one can fay that of you, Mr. Rainilie ; 
 you prefer mufic to every thing 
 
 Ramil. But the ladies. [/// rings.'} So there's 
 
 my fummons ! 
 
 Lap. Well, but fhall we never have a party of qua- 
 drille more? 
 
 Wbeed. O, don't name it, I have work'd my eyes out 
 fmce I faw you ; for my lady has taken a whim of fiou- 
 rifhing all her old cambrick pinners and handkerchiefs ; 
 in fliort, my dear, no journey-woman fempftrefs is half 
 fo much a flave as I am. 
 
 Lap. Why do you ftay with her ? 
 
 If heed. La, child, where can one better one's felf ? 
 all the ladies of our acquaintance are juft the fame. 
 Befides, there are fome little things that make amends : 
 my lady has a whole train of admirers. 
 
 Ramil. That, Madam, is the only circumftance where- 
 in fhe has the honour of refembling you. [Bell rings 
 
 louder]
 
 THE MISER. 7 
 
 louder.] You hear, Madam, I am obliged to leave you 
 
 [Bell rings.] So, fo> fo, would the bell were in 
 
 your guts ! [Exit. 
 
 Lap. O Wheedle! lam quite lick of this family: 
 the old gentleman grows more covetous every day he 
 lives. Every thing is under lock and key ; I can fcarcc 
 aik you to eat or drink. 
 
 Wheed. Thank you, my dear ; but I have drank half 
 a dozen difhes of chocolate already this morning. 
 
 Lap. Well ; but, my dear, I have a whole budget of 
 news to tell you. I have made fome notable difcoveries. 
 
 Wheed. Pray, let us hear 'em. I have fome fecrets 
 of our family too, which you (hall know by and by. 
 What a pleafure there is in having a friend to tell theie 
 things to ! 
 
 Lap. You know, my dear, laft fummer, my young lady 
 had the misfortune to be overfet in a boat between 
 Richmond and Twickenham, and that a certain young- 
 gentleman, plunging immediately into the water, fav'd 
 her life at the hazard of his own Oh ! I mall never 
 forget the figure me made at her return home, fo wet, 
 fo draggled ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Wbeed. Yes, my dear, I know how all your fine ladies 
 
 look, when they are ever fo little difordered they 
 
 have no need to be fo vain of themfelves. 
 
 Lap. You are no ftranger to my mailer's way of re- 
 warding people : when the poor gentleman brought 
 mifs home, my matter meets 'em at the door, and, with- 
 out afking any queftion, very civilly fhuts it againfthim. 
 Well, for a whole fortnight afterwards, I was continu- 
 ally entertained with the young fpark's bravery, and 
 gallantry, and generofity, and beauty. 
 
 Wbetd. I can eafily guefs : I fuppofe me was rather 
 warm'd than cool'd by the water. Thefe miftrefles of 
 ours, for all their pride, are made of jull the fame flem 
 and blood as we are. 
 
 Lap. About a month ago, my young lady goes to the 
 play in an undrefs, and takes me with her. We fat in 
 Burton's box, where, as the devil would have it, whom 
 fhould we meet with but this very gentleman ? her 
 blufhes foon difcovered to me who he was : in mort, the 
 gentleman entertained her the whole play, and I much 
 millake, if ever fhe was fo agreeably entertained in her 
 A 4 fife.
 
 8 THE MISER. 
 
 life. Wei!, as we v/ere going out, a rude fellow thrufta 
 his hand into my lady's boforn, upon which her cham- 
 pion fell upon him, and did fo maul him My lady 
 
 fainted away in my arms ; but as foon as fhe came to 
 
 herfelf had you feen how ihe looked on him. Ah ! 
 
 Sir, fays fhe, in a mighty pretty tone, fure you were 
 born for my deliverance : he handed her into a hack- 
 ney coach, and fet us down at home. From this mo- 
 ment letters began to fly on both fides. 
 
 Whetd, And you took care to fee the poft paid, I hope. 
 
 Lap* Never fear that and now what do you thinlc 
 
 we have contrived among us ? We have got this very 
 gentleman into the houfe in the quality of my mailer's 
 clerk. 
 
 Wheed. Soh ! here's fine billing and cooing, I war- 
 rant ; mifs is in a fine condition. 
 
 Lap. Her condition is pretty much as it was yet. 
 How long it will continue fo, I know not. I am 
 making up my matters as fait as I can ; for this houfe 
 holds not me after the difcovery. 
 
 . Whetd. I think you have no great reafon to lament 
 the lofs of a place where the mailer keeps his own keys. 
 
 Lap. The devil take the firil inventor of locks, fay I : 
 but come, my dear, there is one key which I keep, and 
 that, I believe, will furniih us with fome fweetmeats : 
 fo if you will walk in with me, I'll tell you a fecret 
 which concerns your family. It is in your power, per- 
 haps, to be ferviceable to me. I hope, my dear, you will 
 keep thefe fecrets fafe, for one would not have it known 
 that one publiflies all the affairs of a family, while one 
 ttays in it. {Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE a Garden. 
 
 Clermont and Harriet. 
 
 Cler. Why are you melancholy, my dear Harriet ." 
 do you repent that promife of yours, which has made 
 wie the happieft of mankind ? 
 
 Ear. You little know my heart, if you can think it 
 capable of repenting any thing I have done towards your 
 happinefs. If I am melancholy, it is that I have it not 
 in my power to make you as happy as I would. 
 
 ' Cler. Thou art too bounteous. Every tender word 
 ' from thofe dear lips-, lays obligations on me I never
 
 THE MISER. 9 
 
 1 can repay ; but, if to love, to doat on you more than 
 ' life itfelf, to watch your eyes, that 1 may obey your 
 * willies before )ou fpeak them, can difcharge me from 
 4 any part of that vail debt I owe you, I will be punctual 
 ' in the payment. 
 
 ' Har. h were ungenerous in me to doubt you, and 
 ' when I think what you have done for me, believe me, 
 ' I mull think the balance on your fide.' 
 
 Cler. Generous creature 1 and doll thou not for me 
 hazard the eternal anger of your father, the reproaches 
 of your family, the cenfures of the world, who always 
 blame the conduct of that perfon who facrifices intereil 
 to any confideration. 
 
 Har. As for the cenfures of the world, I defpife them 
 while I do not deferve them : Folly is forwarder to cen- 
 fure Wjfdom, than V/ifdom Folly. I were weak indeed 
 not to embrace real happinefs, becaufe the world does 
 not call it fo. 
 
 Cler. But fee, my deareft, your brother is come into 
 the gaiden ! 
 
 Har. Is it not fafe, think you, to let him into our 
 fecret : 
 
 Cler. You know, by outwardly humouring your fa- 
 ther, in raiiiiip; againft the extravagancies of young men, 
 I have brought him to look on me as his enemy; it will 
 be firll proper to fet him right in that point. Befides, 
 in managing the old gentleman, I mail Hill be oblig'd 
 to a behaviour which the impatience of his temper may 
 not bear ; therefore, I think it not advifeable to truft 
 
 him ; at leail yet he will obferve us. Adieu, my 
 
 heart's only joy. [Exit. 
 
 Har* Honeii creature ! what happinefs may I not pro- 
 pofe in a life with fuch a hufband ? what is there in 
 grandeur to recompenfe the lofs of him ? Parents choofe 
 as often ill for us, as we for ourfelves. They are too 
 apt to forget how feldom true happinefs lives in a palace 
 er rides in a coach and fi.c. 
 
 Enter Frederick. 
 
 Fred. Dear Harriet, good-morrow : I am glad to find 
 you alone ; for i have an affair to impart to you, that I 
 am ready to burlr. with. 
 
 Har. You know, brother, I am a trufty confident; 
 A 5
 
 io THE MISER. 
 
 Fret. As ever wore petticoats : but this is an affair 
 of fuch confequence . 
 
 Har. Or it were not worth your telling me. v. 
 
 Fred. Or your telling again : in ftiort, you never 
 could difcover it; I could afford you ten years to guefs 
 it in. I am you will laugh immoderately when you 
 know it. I am it is impoffible to tell you. In a word 
 I am in love. 
 
 Har. In love ! 
 
 Fred. Violently, to diftra&ion : To much in love, that 
 without more hopes than I at prefent fee any poffibility 
 of obtaining, I cannot live three days. 
 
 Har. And has this violent diltemper, pray, come up- 
 on you of a fudden ? 
 
 Fred. No, I have bred it a long time. It hath been 
 growing thefe feveral weeks. I ftifled it as long as I 
 could ; but it is now come to a crifis, and I muft either 
 have the woman, or you will have no brother. 
 
 Har. But who is this woman ? for you have con- 
 cealed it fo well, that I can't even guefs. 
 
 Fred. In the firft place, ihe is a moil intolerable co- 
 quette. 
 
 Har. That is a defcription I (hall never find her out 
 by. There are fo many of her fillers, you might as well 
 tell me the colour qf her complexion. 
 
 Fred. Secondly, (he is almoft eternally at cards. 
 
 Har. You muft come to particulars : I ttiall never dif- 
 cover your miftrefs till you tell me more than that fheia 
 a woman, and lives in this town. 
 
 Fred. Her fortune is very frnall. 
 
 Har. I find you are enumerating her charms. 
 
 Fred. Oh ! I have only fhevvn you the reverfe ; but 
 were you to behold the medal on the right fide, you 
 would fee beauty, wit, genteelnefs, politenefs in a word, 
 you would fee Mariana. 
 
 Har. Mariana ! ha, ha, ha ! you have ftarted a wild- 
 goofe chace, indeed. But if you could ever prevail on 
 Jier, you mdy depend on it, it is an arrant impoflibility 
 to prevail on my father ; and you may eufily imagine 
 what fuccefs a difmherited foil may likely expedl with a 
 woman of her temper. 
 
 Fred. I know 'tis difficult, but nothing's impcflibh 
 to love, at leaft nothing's impoflible to woman ; and 
 
 therefore,
 
 THE MISER. n 
 
 therefore, if you and the ingenious Mrs. Lappet will but 
 lay your heads together in my favour, I (hall be far from 
 defpairing ; and in return, filler, for this kindnefs 
 
 Har. And in return, brother, for this kindnefs, you 
 may perhaps have it in your power to do me a favour of 
 pretty much the fame nature. 
 
 Love, ['without.'] Rogue ! villain ! 
 Har. Soh ! what's the matter now ? what can have 
 thrown my father into this paffion ? 
 
 Fred. The lofs of an old flipper, I fuppofe, or fome- 
 thing of equal confequence. Let us ftep afide into the 
 next walk, and talk more of our affairs. [Exeunt, 
 
 Enter Lovegold and Ramilie. 
 
 Love. Anfwer me not, firrah ; but get you out of my 
 houfe. 
 
 R'amil. Sir, I am your fon's fervant, and not yours, 
 Sir; and I won't go out of the houfe, Sir, unlefs I am 
 turn'd out by my proper mafter, Sir. 
 
 Love. Sirrah, I'll turn your matter out after you, like 
 an extravagant rafcal as he is : he has no need of a fer- 
 vant while he is in my houfe ; and here he drefTes out a 
 fellow at more expence than a prudent man might clothe 
 a large family at : it's plain enough what ufe he keeps 
 you for ; but 1 will have no fpy upon my affairs, no 
 rafcal continually prying into all my actions, devouring 
 all I have, and hunting about in every corner to fee 
 what he may fteal. 
 
 Ramil. Steal ! a likely thing, indeed, to fteal from a 
 man who locks up every thing he has, and Hands centry 
 upon it day and night. 
 
 Love. I'm all over in a fweat, left this fellow Ihou'd 
 fufpecl fomething of my money. [4jtde.~\ Harke, raf- 
 cal, come hither: I would advife you not to run about 
 the town, and tell every body you meet that I have mo- 
 ney hid, 
 
 Ramil. Why, have you any money hid, Sir ? 
 
 Love. No, firrah, I don't fay I have ; but you may 
 raife fuch a report, neverthelefs. 
 
 RamiL 'Tis equal to me whether you have money hid 
 or no, fince I cannot find it. [d/ide. 
 
 Love-. D'ye mutter, firrah ? Get you out of my houfe, 
 J lay, get out this inftant ! 
 
 Ramil. Well, Sir, I am going. 
 A 6
 
 12 THE MISER. 
 
 Love. Comeback : let me defire you to carry nothing 
 away with you. 
 
 Ramil. What ihould I carry ? 
 
 Lav. That's wh.it I would fee. Thefe boot-fleeves 
 were certainly intended to be the receivers of ftolen 
 goods ; and I wifh the taylor had been hang'd who in- 
 vented them. Turn your pockets infide out, if you 
 pleafe ; but you are too pradtifed a rogue to put any 
 thing there. Thefe damn'd bags have had many a good 
 thing in them, I warrant you. 
 
 Ramil. Give me my bag, Sir ; I am in the moft dan- 
 ger of being robb'd. 
 
 Lov. Come, come, be honeft, and return what thou 
 haft taken from me. 
 
 Ramil. Ay, Sir, that I could do with all my heart ; 
 for I have taken nothing from you but fome boxes on 
 the ear. 
 
 Love. And haft thou really ftolen nothing ? 
 
 Ramil. No, really, Sir. 
 
 Lo<ve. Then get out of my houfe, while 'tis all well> 
 and go to the devil. 
 
 Ramil. Ay, any where from fuch an old covetous 
 curmudgeon. [Exit* 
 
 Love. So, there's one plague gone ; now I will go 
 pay a vifit to the dear cafket. 
 
 Enter Frederick and Harriet. 
 
 Jn fhort, I muft find fome fafer place to depofrt 
 thofe three thoufand guineas in, which I received 
 
 yefterday; three thpufand. guineas are a fum 
 
 O heavens ! I have betray'd myfelf ! my paflion has 
 tranfported me to talk aloud, and I have been overheard. 
 How now ! what's the matter ? 
 
 Fred. The matter, Sir ! 
 
 Lcve. Yes, the matter, Sir ! I fuppofe yon can repeat 
 more of my words than thefe: I fuppofe you have over- 
 heard 
 
 Fred, What, Sir? 
 
 Love. That 
 
 Fred. Sir! 
 
 Love. What I was juft now faying. 
 
 Har. Pardon me, Sir, we really did not. 
 
 Lewe. Well, I fee you did overhear fomething, and 
 
 k> I will tell you the whole : I was faying to myielf, in 
 
 -r this
 
 THE MISER. r 3 
 
 tliis great fcarcity of money, what a happinefs it would 
 be to have three thoufand guineas by one : I tell you 
 this, that you might not mifunderftand me, and imagine 
 that I faid I had three thoufand guineas. 
 
 Fred. We enter not into your affairs, Sir. 
 
 Love. Ah ! wou'd I had thofe three thoufand gui- 
 neas ! 
 
 Fred. In my opinion 
 
 Love. It wou'd make my affairs extremely eafy. 
 
 Fred. Then it is very eafily in your power to raife 
 *em, Sir ; that the whole world knows. 
 
 Love. I raife 'em ! I raife three thoufand guineas 
 eafily ! My children are my greatelt enemies, and will, 
 by their way of talking, and by the extravagant ex- 
 pences they run into, be the occafion that one of thefe 
 days fomebody will cut my throat, imagining me to be 
 made up of nothing but guineas. 
 
 Fred. What expence, Sir, do I run into ? 
 
 Love. How have you the afTurance to afk me that, Sir? 
 when, if one was but to pick thofe fine feathers of yours 
 eif, from head to foot, one might purchafe a very 
 comfortable annuity out of them: A fellow here, with 
 a very good fortune upon his back, wonders that he is 
 call'd extravagant. In fliort, Sir, you muft rob me to 
 appear in this manner. 
 
 Fred. How, Sir ! rob you ? 
 
 Lo<ve. Ay, rob me ! or how cou'd you fupport this 
 extravagance ? 
 
 Fred. Alas, Sir, there are fifty young fellows of my 
 acquaintance, that fupport greater extravagancies, and 
 T.O one knows how : Ah, Sir ! there are ten thoufand 
 pretty ways of living in this town, without robbing one's 
 father. 
 
 Love. What necefuty is there for all that lace on your 
 coat? and all bought at the firft hand too, I warrant you-. 
 If you will be fine, is there not fuch a place as Monmouth- 
 ftrcet in this town, where a man may buy a fuit for the 
 third part of the fuin which his taylor demands ? And 
 then, periwigs! what need has a man of periwigs, when 
 he may wear his own hair? I dare fwear a good periwig 
 can't coft lefs than fifteen or twenty (hillings. Hey-day ! 
 what are they making figns to one another which mall 
 pick my pocket ? 
 
 Har.
 
 14 THE MISER. 
 
 Har. My brother and I, Sir, are difputing which fhall 
 fpeak to you firft ; for we have both an affair of confe- 
 quence to mention to you. 
 
 Love, And I have an affair of confequence to men- 
 tion to you both. Pray, fon, you who are a fine gentle- 
 man, and converfe much ainongft the ladies, what thinlt 
 you of a certain young lady, called Mariana ? 
 
 Fred. Mariana, Sir ! 
 
 Low. Ay, what do you think of her ? 
 
 fred. Think of her, Sir ? 
 
 Love. Why do you repeat my words ? Ay, what do- 
 you think of her f 
 
 Fred. Why, I think her the moft charming woman in 
 the world. 
 
 Love. Wou'd fhe not be a defirable match ? 
 
 Fred. So defirable, that, in my opinion, her hufband 
 will be the happielt of mankind. 
 
 Love. Does fhe not promife to make a good houfe- 
 wife ? 
 
 Fred. Oh! the beft houfewife upon earth. 
 
 Love. Might not a hufband, think ye, live very eafy 
 and happy with her ? 
 
 Fred. Doubtleft, Sir. 
 
 Love. There is one thing I'm a little afraid of, that 
 is, that fhe has not quite as much fortune as one might 
 fairly expedl. 
 
 Fred. O Sir! confider but her merit, and you may 
 cafily make an abatement in her fortune ; for Heaven's 
 fake, Sir, don't let that prevent your defign. Fortune 
 is nothing in comparifon with her beauty and merit. 
 
 Love. Pardon me there : however, there may be fomc 
 matters found, perhaps, to make up fome little deficien- 
 cy; and if you would, to oblige your father, retrench 
 your extravagancies on this occafion, perhaps the differ- 
 ence, in fome time, might be made up. 
 
 Fred. My deareft father, I'll bid adieu to all extrava- 
 gance for ever. 
 
 Love. Thou art a dutiful, good boy: and fince I find 
 you have the fame fentiments with me, provided fhe can 
 but make out a pretty tolerable fortune, I am ev'n rc- 
 folv'd to marry her. 
 
 Fred. Ha ! you rcfolved to marry Mariana ? 
 
 Love. Ay, to marry Mariana. 
 
 Har,
 
 THE MISER. 15 
 
 Har. Who, you, you, you ? 
 
 Love. Yes, I, I, I. 
 
 Fred. I beg you will pardon me, Sir; a fudden diz- 
 zinefs has feized me, and I muft beg leave to retire. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Love. This, daughter, is what I have refolv'd for 
 myfelf : as for your brother, I have a certain widow in 
 my eye for him ; and you, my dear, fhall marry our 
 good neighbour Mr. Spindle. 
 
 Har. I marry Mr. Spindle ! 
 
 Love. Yes; he is a prudent, wife man, not much 
 above fifty, and has a great fortune in the funds. 
 
 Har. 1 thank you, my dear papa, but J had rather 
 not marry, if you pleafe. \Curlefying. 
 
 Love. [Mimicking her curtfy.} I thank you, my 
 good daughter, but I had rather you fhould marry him, 
 if you pleafe. 
 
 Har, Pardon me, dear Sir. 
 
 Love. Pardon me, dear Madam. 
 
 Har. Not all the fathers upon earth fhall force me 
 to it. 
 
 Love. Did ever mortal hear a girl talk in this man- 
 ner to her father ? 
 
 Har. Did ever father attempt to marry his daugh- 
 ter after fuch a manner ? In fhort, Sir, I have ever 
 been obedient to you ; but as this affair concerns my 
 happinefs only, and not yours, I hope ycu will give 
 me leave to confult my own inclination. 
 
 Love. I wou'd not have you provoke me : I am re- 
 folv'd upon the match. 
 
 Enter Clermont. 
 
 Cler. Some people, Sir, upon juflice-bufinefs, defire 
 to fpeak with your worfhip. 
 
 Love. I can attend to no bufinefs, this girl has fo 
 perplex'd me. Huffy, you fliall marry as I wou'd have 
 you, or 
 
 C'Ar. Forgive my interpofing : dear Sir, what's the 
 matter ? Madam, let me intreat you not to put your 
 father into a paflion. 
 
 Love. Clermont, you are a prudent young fellow. 
 Here's a baggage of a daughter, who refufes the moll 
 advantageous match that ever was offer'd, both to 
 
 her
 
 16 THE MISER. 
 
 her and to me. A man of a vaft eftate offers to take- her 
 without a portion ! 
 
 Cler. Without a portion ! Confider, dear Madam, 
 can you refufe a gentleman who offers to take yoa 
 without a portion ? 
 
 Love. Aye, confider what that faves your father. 
 
 Har. Yes, but I confider what I am to fuffer. 
 
 Cler. That's true indeed : you will think on that, 
 Sir. Tho' money be the firit thing to be confidered in 
 all affairs of life, yet fome little regard mould be had 
 in this cafe to inclination. 
 
 Low. Without a portion. 
 
 Cler. You are in the right, Sir, that decides the 
 thing at once : and yet, I know there are people, 
 who, on this occafion, object againft a difparity of age 
 and temper, which too often make the married ftate 
 utterly miferable. 
 
 Love. Without a portion. 
 
 Cler. Ah! there's no anfwering that. i ' Who can 
 oppofe fuch a reafon as that ?' And yet there are fe- 
 veral parents, whoftudy the inclinations of their children 
 more than any other thing, that would by no means 
 facrifice them to intereft ; ' and who efteern, as the 
 ' very firft article of marriage, that happy union of af- 
 ' feftions, which is the foundation of every blefiing zc- 
 * tending on a married ftate and who ' 
 
 Love. Without a portion. 
 
 Cler. Very true ; that ftops your mouth at once 
 
 Without a portion ! Where is the perfon who can find 
 an argument againft that ? 
 
 Love. Ha ! is not that the barking of a dog f Some 
 
 villains are in fearch of my money, Don't ftir 
 
 from hence: I'll return in an inftant. [Exit. 
 
 Cler. My deareft Harriet, how ftiall I cxpreis the 
 agony I am in on your account? 
 
 Har. Be not too much alarm'd, fince you may de- 
 pend on my refolution. It may be in the power of 
 Fortune to delay our happinefs, but no power (hall 
 force me to deftroy your hopes by any other match. 
 
 Cler. Thou kindeft, lovely creature ! 
 Enter Lovegold. 
 
 Love. Thank Heaven, it was nothing but my fear.. 
 
 Cler. Yes, a daughter muft obey her faiher : flic
 
 THE MISER. 17 
 
 is not to confider the (hape, or the air, or the age of a 
 hufband ; but when a man offers to take her without a 
 portion, fhe is to have him, let him be what he will. 
 
 Love. Admirably well faid, indeed! 
 
 Cler. Madam, I afk your pardon if my love for your- 
 felf and your family carries me a little too far. Be 
 snder no concern ; 1 dare fwear I Ihall bring her to it. 
 
 [To Lovegold. 
 
 Love. Do, do : I'll go in and fee what thefe people 
 want with me. Give her a Iktle more now, while (he's 
 warm : you will be time enough to draw the warrant. 
 
 ' Cler. When a lover offers, Madam, to take adaugh- 
 ' ter without a portion, one mould enquire no farther; 
 ' every thing is contained in that one article, and 
 ' " without a portion," firpplies the want of beauty, 
 
 * youth, family, wifdom, honour, and honefty. 
 
 ' Love. Glorioufly faid, fpoke like an oracle.' [Exit. 
 
 Cler. So, once more we are alone together : believe 
 me, this is a molt painful hypocrify : ' it tortures me to 
 1 oppofe your opinion, tho' I am not in earneft, nor 
 
 fufpefted by you of being fo. O Harriet! how is the 
 ' noble paffion of love abus'd by vulgar fouls, who are 
 ' incapable of tailing its delicacies !' When love is great 
 as mine, 
 
 None can its pleafures or its pains declare ; 
 
 Wt can but feel how exquijtte they are. [Exeunt. 
 
 ACT II. SCENE continues. 
 
 Frederick and Ramilie. 
 
 Fred. IT 7 HAT is the reafon, Sirrah, you have been 
 VV out of the way, when I gave you orders 
 to flay here ? 
 
 Ramil. Yes, Sir, and here did I ftay, according to 
 your orders, till your good father turn'd me out ; ani 
 it is, Sir, at the extreme hazard of a cudgel that I re- 
 turn back again. 
 
 Fred. Well, Sir, and what anfwer have you brought 
 touching the money ? 
 
 Ram. Ah, Sir! it is a terrible thing to borrow mo- 
 ney : a man mult have dealt with the devil to deal with 
 a, fcrivenen. 
 
 Fred.
 
 18 THE MISER. 
 
 Fred. Then it won't do, I Aippofe ? 
 
 Ramil. Pardon me, Sir, Mr. Decoy, the broker, is a 
 mod indtiftrious perfon: he fays he has done every thing 
 in his power to ferve you; for he has taken a particular 
 fancy to your honour. 
 
 Fred. So then, I mall have the five hundred, fliall I ? 
 
 Ratnil. Yes, Sir ; but there are feme trifling condi- 
 tions which your honour muft fubmit to before the affair 
 can be finilVd. 
 
 Fred. Did he bring you to the fpeech of the perfou 
 that is to lend the money ? 
 
 Ratnil. Ah, Sir! things are not manag'd in that 
 manner : he takes more care to conceal himfelf than 
 you do : there are greater myfteries in thefe matters 
 than you imagine : why, he would not fo much as tell 
 me the lender's name ; and he is to bring him to-day to 
 talk with you in forne third perfon's houfe, to learn from 
 your own mouth the particulars of your eftate and fa- 
 mily : I dare fwear, the very name of your father will 
 make all things eafy. 
 
 Fred. Chiefly the death of my mother, whofe join- 
 ture no one can hinder me of. 
 
 Ramil. Here, Sir, I have brought the articles : Mr. 
 Decoy told me he took 'em from the mouth of the per- 
 fon himfelf. Your honour will find them extremely 
 reafonable ' the broker was forc'd to ftickle hard to get 
 ' fuch good ones:' In the firft place, the lender is to fee 
 all his fecuriries ; and the borrower muft be of age, and 
 heir apparent to a large eftate, without flaw in the 
 title, and intirely free from all incumbrance; and that 
 the lender may run as little rifk as poflible, the borrower 
 muft infure his life for the fum lent : if he be an officer 
 in the army, he is to make over his whole pay, for the 
 payment of both principal and intereft, which, that the 
 lender may not burden his confcience with any fcruples, 
 is to be no more than 30 per cent. 
 
 Fred. Oh the confcientious rafcal ! 
 
 Ramil. But as the faid lender has not by him, at pre 
 fent, the fum demanded; and that, to oblige the bor- 
 rower, he is himfelf forc'd to borrow of another, at the 
 rate of $ per cent, he thinks it but reafonable, that the- 
 firft borrower, over and above the 30 pe,- tent, aforefaid, 
 
 Hull
 
 THE MISER. 19 
 
 fha.ll alfo pay this 4 per cent, fince it is for his fervice 
 only that this fum is borrowed. 
 
 Fred. O the devil ! What a Jew is here ! 
 
 Ramil. You know, Sir, what you have to do he 
 can't oblige you tothefe terms. 
 
 Fred. Nor can I oblige him to lend me the money 
 without them ; and you know that I muft have it, let 
 the conditions be what they will. 
 
 Ramil. Ay, Sir, why that was what I told him. 
 
 Fred. Did you fo, rafcal ? No wonder he infifts on 
 fuch conditions, if you laid open my neceffities to him. 
 
 Ramil. Alas ! Sir, I only told it to the broker, who is 
 your friend, and has your intereft very much at heart. 
 
 Fred. Well ; is this all, or are there any more reafon- 
 able articles ? 
 
 Ramil. Of the five hundred pounds required, the 
 lender can pay down, in cam, no more than four hun- 
 dred ; and for the reil the borrower mull take in goods, 
 of which here follows the catalogue. 
 
 Fred. What, in the devil's name, is the meaning of 
 all this ? 
 
 Ramil. Imprimis, ' One large yellow camlet bed, lin'd 
 4 with fattin, very little eaten by the moths, and want- 
 ' ing only one curtain. Six ftuft chairs of the fame, a 
 ' little torn, and the frames worm-eaten, otherwife not 
 ' in the lealt the worfe for wearing. One large pier 
 
 glafs, with only one crack in the middle. One fuit 
 ' of tapeftry-hangings, in which are curiouily wrought 
 
 * the loves of Mars and Venus, Venus and Adonis, 
 ' Cupid and Pfyche, with many other amorous flories, 
 ' which make the hangings very proper for a bed- 
 f chamber. 
 
 * Fred. What the devil is here 1 
 
 ' Ramil. Item, One fuit of drugget, with filver but- 
 1 tons, the buttons only the worfe for wearing. Item> 
 ' two mulkets, one of which only wants the lock.' One 
 large filver watch, with Tompion's name to it. One 
 fnuff-box, with a pidlure in it, bought at Mr. Deard's, a 
 proper prefent for a miihefs. Five pidlures without 
 frames ; if not originals, all copies by good hands j and 
 one fine frame without a picture. 
 
 Fred. Oons ! what ufe have I for all this ? 
 
 Ramil.
 
 o THE MISER. 
 
 Ramil. Several valuable books ; amongft which are 
 all the Journals printed for thefe five years laft paft, 
 
 handfomely bound and letter'd. The whole works 
 
 in divinity of . 
 
 Fred. Read no more: confound the curft extortioner; 
 I fliall pay 100 per cent. 
 
 Ramil. Ah, Sir! I wifh your honour would confider 
 of it in time. 
 
 Fred. I muft have money: to what ftraits are we 
 reduc'd by the curft avarice of fathers ! well may we 
 wifh them dead, when their death is the only introduc- 
 tion to our living. 
 
 Ramil. Such a father as yours, Sir, is enough to make 
 one do fomething more than wifh him dead. ' For my 
 part, I have never had any inclination towards hang- 
 ing ; and, I thank Heaven, I have lived to fee whole 
 fets of my companions fwing out of the world, while 
 I have had addrefs enough to quit all manner of ga- 
 lantries the moment I fmelt the halter :'" I have alwayj 
 had an utter averfion to the fmell of hemp; but this 
 rogue of a father of yours, Sir >Sir, I af!c your par- 
 don has fo provok'd me, that I have often wilh'd 
 
 to rob him, and rob him I fhall in the end, that'* 
 certain. 
 
 Fred. Give me that paper, that I may confider a 
 ?ittle thefe moderate articles. 
 
 Enter Lovegold and Decoy. 
 
 Decoy. In fhort, Sir, he is a very extravagant young 
 fellow, and fo prefs'd by his neceflities, that you may 
 bring him to what terms you pleafe. 
 
 Love. But do you think, Mr. Decoy, there is no 
 danger ? Do you know the name, the family, and the 
 eftate of the borrower ? 
 
 Decoy. No, I cannot give you any perfeft information 
 yet, for it was by thegreatefl accident in the world that 
 he was recommended to me ; but you will learn all thefe 
 from his own lips, and his man aflur'd me, you wou'd 
 make no difficulty, the moment you knew the name of 
 his father: all that I can tell you is, that his fervant fays 
 the old gentleman is extremely rich: he call'd him a 
 covetous old raical. 
 
 Love. Ay, that is the name which thefe fpendthrifts, 
 and the rogues their fervants, give to all honcfl pru- 
 dent
 
 THE MISER. 21 
 
 dent men, who know the world, and the value of their 
 money. 
 
 Decoy. This young gentleman is an only Ton, and is 
 fo little afraid of any future competitors, that he offers 
 to be bound, if you infjft on it, that his father mail die 
 within thefe eight months. 
 
 Love. Ay, there's fomething in that : I believe then, 
 I (hall let him have the money. Charity, Mr. Decoy, 
 charity obliges us to ferve our neighbour, I fay, when 
 we are no lofers by fo doing. 
 
 Decoy. Very true, indeed. 
 
 Ramil. Heyday! what can be the meaning of this? 
 our broker talking with the old ge-ntleman! 
 
 Deccy. So gentlemen ! I fee you are in great hafte ; 
 but who told you, pray, that this was the lender ? I af- 
 fure you, Sir, I neither difcovered your name, nor 
 your houfe; but, however, there is no great harm done : 
 they are people of difcretion, fo you may freely tranfaft 
 the affair now. 
 
 Lo-ve. How ! 
 
 Decoy. This, Sir, is the gentleman that wants to 
 borrow the five hundred pounds I mentioned to you. 
 
 Love. How ! rafcal, is it you that abandon yourfelf 
 to thefe intolerable extravagancies ? 
 
 Fred. I muit even itand buff, and out-face him. 
 [Afitie.~\ And is it you, father, that difgrace your- 
 felf by thefe fcandalous extortions? 
 
 [Ramilie and Decoy fneak ojf. 
 
 Love. Is it you that would ruin yourfelf, by taking up 
 money at fuch intereft ? 
 
 Fred. Is it you that would enrich yourfelf, by lending 
 at fuch intereft ? 
 
 Love. How dare you, after this, appear before my 
 face ? 
 
 Fred. How dare you, after this, appear before the 
 face of the world ? 
 
 Love. Get you out of my fight, villain, get out of 
 my/ight!_ 
 
 Fred. Sir, I go ; but give me leave to fay' 
 
 LO-JC. I'll not hear a word. I'll prevent your at- 
 tempting any thing of this nature for the future. 
 Get out of my fight, villain. I am not forry for 
 6 this
 
 2* THE MISER, 
 
 this accident : it will make me henceforth keep a 
 
 llrifter eye over his actions. [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE an Apartment in Lovegold's Houfe. 
 
 Harriet and Mariana. 
 
 Mar. Nay, Harriet, you-muft excufe me; For of all 
 people upon earth you are my greatelt favourite : but I 
 have had fuch an intolerable cold, child, that it is a 
 miracle I have recovered ; for my dear, wou'd you 
 think, I have had no lefs than three doctors ? 
 
 Har. Nay, then it is a miracle you recover'd, in- 
 deed ! 
 
 Mar. O child, doctors will never do me any harm : I 
 never take any thing they prefcribe : I don't know how 
 it is, when one's ill one can't help fending for them ; 
 ad you know, my dear, my mama loves phyfic better 
 than (he does any thing but cards. 
 
 Har, Were I to take as much of cards as you do, I 
 don't know which I fhou'd naufeate moft. 
 
 Mar. O child, you are quite a tramontane: I muft 
 bring you to like dear fpadille, I proteft, Harriet, if 
 you wou'd take my advice in fome things, you wou'd be 
 the moft agreeable creature in the world. 
 
 Har. Nay, my dear, I am in a fair way of being 
 obliged to obey your commands. 
 
 Mar. That wou'd be the happieft thing in the world 
 for you j and I dare fwear you wou'd like them ex- 
 tremely, for they wou'd be exactly oppofite to every 
 command of your father's. 
 
 Har. By that now, one would think you were mar- 
 ried already. 
 
 Mar. Married, my dear ! 
 
 Har. Oh, I can tell you of fuch a conqueft ! you 
 will have fuch a lover, within thefe four-and-twenty 
 hours ! 
 
 Mar. I am glad you have given me timely notice of 
 it, that I may turn off fomebody to make room for him ; 
 but I believe I have lifted him already. O Harriet ! 
 I have been fo plagu'd, fo pefter'd, fo fatigu'd, fmce I 
 
 faw you, with that dear creature your brother In 
 
 fliort, child, he has made arrant downright love to me : 
 if my heart had not been harder than adamant itfelf, I 
 had been your filler by this time. 
 
 3 Har.
 
 THE MISER. 23 
 
 Har. And if your heart be not harder than adamant, 
 you will be in a fair way of being my mother fhortly ; 
 for my good father has 'this very day declared fudi a 
 paffion for you 
 
 Mar. Your father ! 
 
 Har. Ay, my dear. What fay you to a comely old 
 gentleman, of not much above threescore, that loves 
 you fo violently ? I dare fwear he will be conftant to you 
 all his days. 
 
 Mar. Ha, ha, ha! I mall die. Ha, ha, ha! you 
 extravagant creature, how could you throw away all this 
 jell at once ? it would have furnifhed a prudent perfon 
 with an annuity of laughter for life. Oh ! I am charm'd 
 with my conqueft ; I am quite in love with him already. 
 I never had a lover yet above half his age. 
 
 Har. Lappet and I have laid a delightful plot, if you 
 will but come into it, and counterfeit an affe&ion for 
 him. 
 
 Mar. Why, child, I have a real affe&ion for him : 
 Oh ! methinks I fee you on your knees already 
 pray, mama, pleafe to give me your bleffing. Oh ! I fee 
 my loving bridegroom ' in his three- fold night-cap, 
 ' his flannel fhirt;' methinks I fee him approach me 
 with all the lovely gravity of age : I hear him whifper 
 charming fentences of morality in my ear, ' more in- 
 ' ftru&ive than all my grandmother e'er taught me.' 
 Oh ! I fmell him fweeter, oh ! fweeter than even hartf- 
 horn itfelf. Ha, ha, ha ! fee, child, how beautiful a 
 fond imagination can paint a lover : * would not any 
 * one think now we had been a happy couple together, 
 ' Heaven knows how long?' 
 
 Har. Well, you dear mad creature, but do you think 
 you can maintain any of this fondnefs to his face ? for I 
 know fome women, who fpeak very fondly of a hufband 
 to other people, but never fay one civil thing to the man 
 himfelf. 
 
 Mar. Oh ! never fear it ; one can't indeed bring one's 
 felf to be civil to a young lover; but as for thefe old 
 fellows, I think one may play as harmlefly with them 
 as with one another. Young fellows are perfedl bears, 
 and muft be kept at a diftance ; ths old ones are mere 
 lap-dogs, and when they have agreeable tricks with 
 them/ one is equally fond of both, 
 
 Mar.
 
 24 THE MISER. 
 
 Mar. Well, but now I hope you will give me leave to 
 fpeak a word or two ferioufly in favour of my poor 
 brother. 
 
 Mar. Oh ! I fhall hate you if you are ferious : auh ! 
 fee what your wicked words have occafioned : I protelt 
 you are a. conjurer, and "certainly deal with the Devil. 
 Enter Frederick. 
 
 Har. O brother ! I am glad you are come to plead 
 your own caufe : I have been your folicitor in your 
 abfence. 
 
 Fred* I am afraid, like other clients, I (hall plead 
 much vvorfe for myfclf, than my advocate has done. 
 
 Mar. Perfons, who have a bad caufe, mould have 
 very artful council. 
 
 Fred. When the judge is determin'd againft us all, 
 art will prove of no effect. 
 
 Mar. Why then, truly, Sir, in fo terrible a fitua- 
 tion, I think the fooner you give up the caufe the 
 better. 
 
 Fred. No, Madam, t am refolved to perfevere ; for, 
 when one's whole happinefs is already at ftake, I fee 
 nothing more can be hazarded in the purfuit. It 
 might be perhaps a perfon's intereft to give up a caufe, 
 wherein part of his fortune was concern 'd ; but when 
 the difpute is about the whole, he can never lofe by per- 
 fevering. 
 
 Mar. Do you hear him, Harriet ? I fancy this bro- 
 ther of yours would have made a moft excellent lawyer. 
 I proteft, when he is my fon-in-law, I'll e'en fend him 
 to the Temple : tho' he begins a little late, yet dili- 
 gence may bring him to be a great man. 
 
 Fred. I hope, Madam, diligence may fucceed in love, 
 as well as law : fure Mariana is not a more crabbed 
 ftudy than Coke upon Littleton. 
 
 Mar. Oh ! the wretch ; he has quite fuffocated me 
 with his comparifon : I muft have a little air : dear 
 Harriet, let us walk in the garden. 
 
 Fred. I hope, Madam, I have your leave to attend 
 you? 
 
 Mar. My leave ! no indeed, you have no leave of 
 mine ; but if you will follow me, I know no way to 
 hinder you. [Exeunt. 
 
 ' Har.
 
 THE MISER. 25 
 
 * Har. Ah, brother ! I wifh you had no greater enemy 
 in this affair than your miitrefs. 
 
 SCENE a Garden. 
 Ramilie and Lappet. 
 
 Lap. This was, indeed, a moil unlucky accident !" 
 however, I dare lay a wager I fhall fucceed better with 
 him, and get fome of thofe guineas you would have 
 borrowed. 
 
 Ramil. I am not, Madam, now to learn Mrs. Lappet's 
 dexterity ; but if you get any thing out of him, I fhall 
 think you a match for the Devil. Sooner than to extracl 
 gold from him, I would engage to extracl religion from 
 a hypocrite, honefty from a lawyer, health from a phy- 
 fician, fmcerity from a courtier, or modefty from a poet, 
 j think, my dear, you have liv'd long enough in this 
 houfe to know that gold is a very dear commodity 
 here. 
 
 Lap. Ah ! but there are fome certain fervices which 
 will fqueeze it out of the clofeft hands : there is oue 
 trade, which, I thank Heaven, I am no ftranger to, 
 wherein all men are dabblers ; and he, who will fcarce 
 afford himfelf either meat or clothes, will flill pay for 
 the' commodities I deal in. 
 
 RamiL Your humble fervant, Madam ; I find you 
 don't know our good mailer yet : ' there is not a wo- 
 ' man in the world, who loves to hear her pretty felf 
 ' talk never fo much, but you may eafier {hut her mouth 
 ' than open his hands; as for thanks, praifes, and pro- 
 ' mifes, no courtier upon earth is more liberal of them ; 
 ^ but for money, the Devil a penny : there's nothing fo 
 f dry as his carefles ; and' there is no hufband who hates 
 the word --wife half fo much as he does the word give ; 
 in ilead of faying, I give you a good-morrow, he always 
 fays, I lend you a good-morrow. 
 
 Lap. Ah ! Sir, let me alone to dram a man : I have 
 the fecret to open his heart and his purfe too. 
 
 Ram. I defy you to drain the man we talk of, of his 
 money : he loves that more than any thing you can pro- 
 :ure him in exchange : ' the very fight of a dun throws 
 ' him into convulfions : 'tis touching him in the only 
 ' fenfible part ; 'tis piercing his heart, tearing out his 
 B vitals,
 
 2 6 THE MISER. 
 
 c vitals, to afk him for a farthing :' but here he is, and 
 
 if you get a (hilling out of him, I'll marry you without 
 
 any other fortune. [Exit Ram. 
 
 Enter Lovegold. 
 
 Love. All's well hitherto : my dear money is fafe. 
 Is it you, Lappet? 
 
 Lap. I mould rather afk if it be you, Sir: why, you 
 look fo young and vigorous 
 
 Love. Do I, do I ? 
 
 Lap. Why you grow younger and younger every day, 
 Sir; you never look'd half fo young in your life, Sir, 
 as you dp now. Why, Sir, I know fifty young fellows 
 of five and twenty^ that are older than you are. 
 
 Love. That may be, that may be, Lappet, confider- 
 ing the lives they lead ; and yet I am a good ten years 
 above fifty. 
 
 Lap. Well, and what's ten years above fifty ? 'tis the 
 very flower of a man's age. Why, Sir, you are now in 
 the very prime of your life. 
 
 Lov. Very true, that's very true, as to underfland- 
 ing ? but I am afraid, cou'd I take off twenty years, it 
 would do me no harm with the ladies, Lappet. How 
 goes on our affair with Mariana ? Have you mention'd 
 any thing about what her mother can give her ? For 
 now-a-days no body marries a woman unlcfs fhe brings 
 fomething with her befides a petticoat. 
 
 Lap. Sir ! why, Sir, this young lady will be worth 
 to you as good a thoufand pound a year as ever was 
 told. 
 
 Love. How ! a thoufand pound a year ! 
 
 Lap. Yes, Sir : there is in the firft place the article 
 of a table : fhe has a very little Itomach, fhe does not eat 
 above an ounce in a fortnight ; and then, as to the qua- 
 lity of what fhe eats, you'll have no need of a French 
 cook upon her account ; as for fweet-meats, fhe mortally 
 hates them : fo there is the article of deferts wiped off 
 all at once you'll have no need of a confeftioner, who 
 wou'd be eternally bringing in bills for prefervcs, con- 
 ferves, bifcuits, comfits, and jellies, of which half a 
 dozen ladies wou'd iwallow you ten pounds worth at a 
 meal : this, I think, we may very moderately reckon F.t 
 two hundred pounds -a year at leaft, Item, for clothes: 
 
 lie
 
 THE MISER. 27 
 
 Die has been bred up in fuch a plainnefs in them, that 
 fhou'd we allow but for three birth- night fuits a year 
 fav'd, which are the leaft a town-lady wou'd expert, 
 there go a good two hundred pounds a year more : for 
 jewels (of which fhe hates the very fight) the yearly 
 intereft of what you muft lay out in them wou'd amount 
 to one hundred pounds. Laftly, fhe has an utter de- 
 teftation for play, at which I have known feveral mo- 
 derate ladies lofe a good two thoufand pounds a year : 
 now let us take only the fourth part of that, which 
 amounts to five hundred ; to which, if we add two 
 hundred pounds on the table account, two hundred 
 pounds in clothes, and one hundred pounds in jewels, 
 there is, Sir, your thoufand pounds a year iu hard 
 money. 
 
 Lo<ve. Ay, ay, thefe are pretty things, it muft be 
 confefs'd ; very pretty things ; but there's nothing real 
 in 'em. 
 
 Lap. How, Sir ! is it not fomething real, to bring 
 you in marriage a vafl (lore of fobriety, the inheritance 
 of a great love for fimplicity of drefs, and a vail ac- 
 quired fund of hatred for play I 
 
 Love. This is downright raillery, Lappet, to make 
 me up a fortune out of the expences fhe won't put me 
 to : I alTare you, Madam, I lhall give no acquittance 
 for what I have not received : in fhort, Lappet, I mult 
 touch, touch, touch fomething real. 
 
 Lap. Never fear, you fhall touch fomething real : I 
 have heard them talk of a certain country, where fhe 
 has a very pretty freehold, which fhali be put into your 
 hands. 
 
 Love. Nay, if it were a copyhold, I mould be glad to 
 touch it ; but there is another thing that difturbs me. 
 You know this girl is young, and young people gene- 
 rally love one another's company: it would ill agree 
 with a perfon of my temper to keep an affembly for all 
 the young rakes and flaunting girls in town. 
 
 Lap. Ah, Sir ! how little do you know of her ! this 
 is another particularity that I had to tell you of; Ihe has 
 a mod terrible averfion for all young people, and loves 
 none but perfons of your years. I would advife you, 
 above all things, to take care not to appear too young ; 
 Ihe infills on fixty at leaft : " why Jhe broke off a match 
 B 2 " fotbtr
 
 28 THE MISER. 
 
 *' t'other Hay becaufe her lover was but fifty, and pri- 
 *' tended to Jign the marriage articles without fpeftacles. " 
 
 Love. This humour is a little ftrange, methinks. 
 
 Lap. She carries it farther, Sir, than can be ima- 
 gin'd : fhe has in her chamber feveral pictures; but, 
 what do you think they are? none of your fmock-fac'd 
 young fellows, your Adonis's, your Cephalus's, youf 
 Paris's, and your Apollo's. No, Sir, you fee nothing 
 there but your handfome figures of Saturn, king Priam, 
 old Neftor, and good father Anchifes upon his fon' 
 Ihoulders. 
 
 Love. Admirable! this is more than I could have 
 hoped. To fay the truth, had I been a woman, I fhou'd 
 never have lov'd young fellows. 
 
 Lap. I believe you. Pretty fort of Huff indeed, to b^ 
 in love with your young fellows ! pretty matters, indeed, 
 with their fine complexions, and their fine feathers t 
 now, I mould be glad to tatfe the favour that is in any 
 of them. 
 
 " A SON G." 
 
 Love. And do you really think me pretty tolerable ? 
 
 Lap. Tolerable ! you are ravifhing ! if your picture 
 was drawn by a good hand, Sir, it would be invaluable ! 
 turn about a little, if you pleafe : there, what can be 
 more charming ? let me fee you walk : there's a perfon 
 for you, tall, ftraight, free and degage ! why, Sir, 
 you have no fault about you. 
 
 Lov. Not many; hem, hem; not many, I thank 
 Heaven ; only a few rheumatic pains now and then, and 
 a fmall catarrh, that feizes me fornetimes. 
 
 Lap. Ay, Sir, that's nothing: your catarrh fits very 
 well upon you, and you cough with a very gocd grace. 
 
 Love. But tell me, what does Mariana fay of my per- 
 fon ? 
 
 Lap. She has a particular plenfure in talking of it; 
 and I afTure you, Sir, I have not been backward on all 
 fuch occafions to blazon forth your merit, and to make 
 her fenfible how advantageous the match you will be to 
 her. 
 
 Lov. You did very well, and I am obliged to you. 
 
 Lap. But, Sir, I have a fmall favour to afk of you : 
 
 I have a law-fuit depending, which I am on the very 
 
 3 brink
 
 THE MISER. 29 
 
 brink of loling for want of a little money : [He looks 
 gravely.] And you could eafily procure my fuccefs, if 
 you had the k;ilt friendfhip lor me. You can't ima- 
 gine, Sir, the pleafure me takes in talking of you. [He 
 locks pleas' fi.} Ah ! how you will delight her ; how your 
 venerr:-b!e mien will charm her ! She will never be able 
 
 to withftand you. But indeed, Sir, this Ir.w-fuit will 
 
 bj of a terrible confequence to me. [He locks grave 
 flgaln.] I am ruined, if I lofe it, which a very fmall 
 matter might prevent. Ah ! Sir, had you but feen the 
 raptures with which fhe has heard me talk of you ! [He 
 rcj'umes bis gaiety.'] How pleafure fparkled in her eyes 
 at the recital of your good qualities. In fhort, to dif- 
 cover a fecret to you, which I promifed to conceal, 1 
 have worked up her imagination, till (he is downright 
 impatient of having the match concluded. 
 
 Love. Lappet, you have afted a very friendly part ; 
 and I own that I have all the obligations in the world 
 to you. 
 
 Lap. I beg you would give me this little afiiilance, 
 Sir. [He locks fericus ,~\ It will fet me on my feet, and 
 1 mall be eternally obliged to you. 
 
 Love. Farewell, I'll go and finim my difpatches. 
 
 Lap. I aflure you, Sir, you cou'd never aflilt me in a 
 greater neceffity. 
 
 Love. I muft go give fome orders about a particular 
 
 Lap. I would not importune you, Sir, if I wr.s not 
 forc'd by the laft extremity. 
 
 Lo-ve. 1 expedt the taylor about turning my coar. 
 Don't you think this coat will look well enough turn'd, 
 and with new buttons, for a wedding-fuit ? 
 
 Lap. For pity's fake, Sir, don't refufe me this fmall 
 favour: I mall be undone, indeed, Sir. If it were but 
 fo fmall a matter as ten pounds, Sir. 
 
 Love. I think I hear the taylor's voice. 
 
 Lfip. If it were but five pound, Sir ; but three pound, 
 Sir ; nay, Sir, a fingle guinea would be of fervice for a 
 day or two. [As be offers to go out on either Jide, Jhe inter- 
 (epts him.~\ 
 
 Love. I mud go; I.can't flay. Hark there, fome- 
 
 body calls me. I'm very much oblig'd to you ; indeed 
 
 I am very much oblig'd to you. [Exit. 
 
 B 3 Lap.
 
 30 THE MISER. 
 
 Lap. Go to the gallows, to the devil, like a covctonr 
 goed-for-nothing villain, as you are ! Ramilie is in the 
 right : however, I fliall not quit the affair ; for tho' I 
 get nothing out of him, I am fare of my reward from 
 the other fide. 
 
 Feds only to one party ivill confide, 
 Good politicians will both parties guide. 
 And, if one fails, they're feed on t'other Jide. 
 
 [Exit 
 
 ACT III. SCENE continues. 
 
 Harriet, Frederick, and Clermont. 
 
 Fred. T Think, Sir, you have given my fifter a very fub. 
 \_ ftantial proof of your affe&ion. I am forry you 
 could have had fuch a fufpicion of me, as to imagine I 
 could have been an enemy to one who has approv'd 
 himfelf a gentleman and a lover. 
 
 Cler. If any thing, Sir, could add to my misfortunes, 
 it would be to be thus oblig'd, withou having any pro- 
 fpeft of repaying the obligation* 
 
 Fred. Every word you fpeak is a farther convi&ion to. 
 me, that you are what you have declar'd yourfelf ; ' for 
 ' there is fomething in a generous education, which it 
 
 * is impoffible for perfons who want that happinefs to 
 
 * counterfeit:' therefore henceforth I beg you to believe 
 me fincerely your friend. 
 
 Har. Come, come, pray a truce with your compli- 
 ments ; for I hear my father's cough coming this way. 
 Enter Lovegold. 
 
 Love. So, fo, this is juft as 1 would have it. Let me 
 tell you, children, this is a prudent young man, and you 
 cannot converfe too much with him. He will teach you, 
 Sir, for all you hold your head fo high, better fenfe 
 than to borrow money at 50 per cent. And you, Ma- 
 dam, I dare fay, he will infufe good things into you 
 too, if you will but hearken to him. 
 
 Fred. While you live, Sir, we lhall want no other 
 instructor. 
 
 love.
 
 THE MISER. 31 
 
 Lc<ve. Gome hither, Harriet. You know to-night I 
 have invited our friend and neighbour Mr. Spindle. 
 Now I intend to take this opportunity of faving the ex- 
 pence of another entertainment, by inviting Mariana 
 and her mother; for I obferve, that take what care one 
 will, there is always more victuals provided on thefe 
 occafions than is eat ; and an additional gueft makes no 
 additional expence 
 
 Cler. Very true, Sir ; befides, tho' they were to rife 
 hungry, no one ever calls for more at another perfon's 
 table. 
 
 Love. Right, honeft Clermont, and to rife with an ap- 
 petite is one of the wholfomeft things in the world. 
 Harriet, I would have you go immediately, and carry 
 the invitation : you may walk thither, and they will 
 bring you back in a coach. 
 
 Har, I (hall obey you, Sir. [Exit. 
 
 Love. Go, that's my good girl. And you, Sir, I de- 
 Hre you would behave yourfelf civilly at fupper. 
 
 Fred. Why fhould you fufpeft me, Sir? 
 
 Love. I know, Sir, with what eyes fuch fparks as you 
 look upon a mother-in-law ; but if you hope for n ( y 
 forgivenefs of \ our late exploit, I would advile you to 
 behave to her in the molt affectionate manner imagin- 
 able. 
 
 Fred, I cannot promife, Sir, to be overjoy'd at her 
 being my mother-in-law ; but this I will prornife you, 
 J will be as civil to her as you could with. I will be- 
 hold her with as much affection as you can defire me : 
 that is an article upon which you may be fure of a molt 
 punctual obedience. 
 
 Love. That, I think, is the leaft I can expect. 
 
 Fred. Sir, you mall have no reafon to complain. 
 Enter James. 
 
 James. Did you fend for me, Sir ? 
 
 Love. Where have you been I for I have wanted you 
 above an hour. 
 
 James. Who, Sir, did you want ? your coachman, 
 or your cook ? for I am both one and t'other. 
 
 Love. I want my cook, Sir. 
 
 James. I thought, indeed, it was not your coachman ; 
 
 for you have had no great occafion for him fince your 
 
 B 4 laft
 
 3 2 THE MISER. 
 
 laft pair of geldings were ftarv'd But your cook, Sir, 
 ftall wait on you in an inltant. 
 
 [Puts off bis coachman 1 s great coat, and appears as a ask. 
 
 Love. What's the meaning of this folly ? 
 
 James. I am ready for your commands, Sir. 
 
 Love. I am engaged this evening to give a fupper. 
 
 James. A fupper, Sir ! I have not heard the word this 
 half year. I have indeed now and then heard of fuch a 
 thing as a dinner; but for a fupper, I have not drefs'd 
 one fo long that I am afraid my hand is out. 
 
 Love. Leave off your faucy jeiting, iirrah, and fee 
 that you provide me a good fupper. 
 
 James. That may be done, Sir, with a good deal of 
 money. 
 
 Love. What is the devil in you ? Always money ! 
 Can you fay nothing elfe but money, money, money ? 
 All my fervants, my children, my relations, can pro- 
 nounce no other word than money. 
 
 Cler. I never heard fo ridiculous an anfwer. ' Here's 
 ' a miracle for you indeed, to make a good fupper with 
 ' a good deal of money ! Is there any thing fo eafy ? 
 ' Is there any one who can't do it ? ' Wou'd a man 
 mew himfelf to be a good cook, lie muft make a good 
 iupper out of a little money. 
 
 James. I wifh you wou'd be fo good, Sir, as to (hew 
 us that art, and take my office of cook upon yourfelf. 
 
 ' Love. Peace, iirrah, and tell me what we can have. 
 
 ' James. There's a gentleman, Sir, who can furnifh 
 * you out a good fupper with a little money. 
 
 ' Love. Anfwer me yourfelf.' 
 
 James. ' Why, Sir,' how many will there be at table ? 
 
 Love. About eight or ten ; but I will have a fupper 
 drefs ? d but for eight : for if there be enough for eight, 
 there is enough for ten. 
 
 James. Suppofe, Sir, you have at one end of the table 
 a good handfome foup ; at the other a fine Weftphalia 
 ham and chickens ; on one fide a fillet of veal roafled ; 
 and on the other a turkey, or rather a bullard, which, 
 I believe, may be bought for a guinea, or thereabouts. 
 
 Love. What, is the fellow providing an entertainment 
 for my lord mayor and the court of aldermen ? 
 
 James. Then, Sir, for the fecond courfe, a leafh of 
 
 pheafants,
 
 THE MISER. 33 
 
 phcafants, a learn of fat poulards, half a dozen par- 
 tridges, one dozen of quails, two dozen of ortolans, 
 three dozen 
 
 Love, \Putting his band before James'j month.~\ Ah, 
 villain ! you are eating up all I am worth ! 
 
 James. Then a ragout 
 
 Love. [Stepping bis mcutb again.'} Hold your extrava- 
 gant tongue, lirrah ! 
 
 Chr. Have you a mind to burft them all ? ' Has my 
 ' mailer invited people to cram 'em to death ? or do you 
 * think his friends have a mind to eat him up at one 
 ' fupper ? ' Such fervants as you, Mr. James, mould be 
 often reminded of that excellent faying of a very wife 
 man, We mujl eat to live, and not live to eat. 
 
 Love. Excellently well faid, indeed ! it is the fineft 
 fentence I ever heard in my life. We mujl live to eat, 
 
 and not eat to No, that is not it : how did you 
 
 fay? 
 
 Cler. That i<;e muft eat to live, and not live to eat. 
 
 Love. Extremely fine ! Pray write them out for me : 
 for I'm refolv'd to have 'em done in letters of gold, or 
 black and white rather, over my hall chimney. 
 
 'James. You have no need to do any more, Sir ; peo- 
 ple talk enough of you already. 
 
 Love. Pray, Sir, what do people fay of me ? 
 
 James. Ah, Sir, if I could but be afl'ur'd that you 
 would not be angry with me 
 
 Love. Not at all : fo far from it, you will very much 
 oblige me ; for I am always very glad to hear what the 
 world fays of me. 
 
 "James. Well, Sir, then fince you will have it, I will 
 teli you freely, that they make a jeft of you every where ; 
 nay, of your very fervants, upon your account. They 
 make ten thoufand (lories of you : one fays, that you 
 h;;vj always a quarrel ready with your fervants at quar- 
 ter day, or when they leave you, in order to find an ex- 
 cufe to give them nothing. Another fays, that you 
 were taken one night ftealing your own oats from your 
 own horles ; for which your coachman very handfomely 
 belabour'd your back. In a word, Sir, one can go no 
 where, where you are not the bye-word: you are the 
 laughing- fiock of all the world j and you are never 
 B 5 mentioned
 
 34 THE MISER. 
 
 mentioned but by the names of covetous, fcraping, 
 ftingy 
 
 Love. Impertinent, impudent rafcal ! Beat him for 
 me, Clermont. 
 
 ' Cler. Are not you afham'd, Mr. James, to give your 
 ' mafter this language ? 
 
 James. What's that to you, Sir ? 1 fancy this 
 
 fellow's a coward ; if he be, I will handle him.' \_Afide. 
 
 Cler. It does not become a fervant to ufe fuch lan- 
 guage to his mafter. 
 
 James. Who taught you, Sir, what becomes ? If you 
 trouble your head with my bufmefs, I mall threfh your 
 jacket for you. If I once take a ttick in hand, I mall 
 teach you to hold your tongue for the future, I believe. 
 If you offer to fay another word to me, I'll break your 
 head for you. 
 
 [Drives Clermont to the farther end ofthejlage. 
 
 Ch-r. How, rafcal ! break my head ! 
 
 "James. I did not fay, I'd break your head. 
 
 [Clermont drives him back again. 
 
 Cltr. Do you know, Sirrah, that I ihall break yours 
 for this impudence ? 
 
 ' James. I hope not, Sir : I give you no offence, Sir. 
 
 Cler. That I ihall (hew you the difference between us. 5 
 James. Ha, ha, ha ! Sir, I was but in jeft. 
 
 Cler. Then I mail warn you to forbear thefe jefts far 
 the future. [Kicks him ojfthejlage. 
 
 James. Nay, Sir, can't you take a jeft ? Why, I waj 
 but in jeft all the while. 
 
 Love. How happy am I in fuch a clerk ! 
 
 Cler. You may leave the ordering of the fupper to me, 
 -Sir : I will taky care of that. 
 
 Love. Do fo : fee and provide fomething to cloy theii 
 ftomachs : let there be two great difhes of {cup-meagre, 
 a good large fuet-puddirg, fome dainty fat pork-pye 01 
 pafty, a fine fmall brcaft of mutton, not too fat; a fal- 
 lad, and a difh of artichokes, which will make plent) 
 and variety enough. 
 
 Cler. I ihall take a particular care, Sir, to provide 
 every thing to your fatisfaftion. 
 
 Love. But be fure there be plenty of foup, be fure o: 
 
 that. This is a mod excellent young fellow ! bu 
 
 noiv will I go pay a vifit to my money. [Exeunt
 
 THE MISER. 35 
 
 SCENE the Street. 
 Ramilie and Lappet meeting. 
 
 Ramil. Well, Madam, what fuccefs ? ' Have I been 
 * a falfe prophet, and have you come at the old hunks's 
 ' purfe ? or have I fpoke like an oracle, and is he as 
 ' clofe-fifted as ufual ? ' 
 
 Lap. Never was a perfon of my funftion fo ufed. All 
 my rhetoric availed nothing : while I was talking to 
 him about the lady, he fmil'd and was pleas'd; but the 
 moment I mentioned money to him, his countenance 
 chang'd, and he underftood not one word that I faid. 
 But now, Ramilie, what do you think this affair is that 
 I am tran fading ? 
 
 Ramil. Nay, Mrs. Lappet, now you are putting too 
 fevere a tafk upon me. How is it poffible in the vafl 
 variety of affairs which you honour with taking into 
 your hands, that I fhould be able to guefs which is fo 
 happy to employ your immediate thoughts ? 
 
 Lap. Let me tell you then, fweet Sir, that I am tranf- 
 acling an affair between your matter's miftrefs and his 
 father. 
 
 Ramil. What affair, pr'ythee ? 
 
 Lap. What fhould it be but the old one, matrimony ? 
 In fhort, your mafter and his father are rivals. 
 
 Ramil. I am glad on't ; and I wifh the old gentleman 
 fuccefs, with all my heart. 
 
 Lap. How ! are you your matter's enemy? 
 Ramil. No, Madam, I am fo much his friend, that I 
 had rather he fhould lofe his miftrefs than his humble 
 fervant, which muft be the cafe : for I am determin'd 
 againft a married family. I will never be fervant to any 
 man who is not his own mafter. 
 
 Lap. Why truly, when one confiders the cafe tho- 
 roughly, I muft be of opinion, that it would be more 
 your matter's intereft to be this lady's fon-in-law than 
 her hufband : for, in the firft place, fhe has but lit- 
 tle fortune ; and if fhe was once married to his fon, I 
 dare fwear the old gentleman would never forgive the 
 difappointment of his love. 
 
 Ramil. And is the old gentleman in love ? 
 Lap. Oh, profoundly ! delightfully ! Oh that you had 
 but feen him as I have ! with his feet tottering, his eyes 
 B 6 watering,
 
 36 THE MISER. 
 
 watering, his teeth chattering ! His old trunk was 
 fhaken with a fit of love, juft as if it had been a fit of 
 
 Ramil. He will have more cold fits than hot, I be- 
 lieve. 
 
 Lap. Is it not more advantageous for him to have a 
 mother-in-law that fhould open his father's heart to 
 him, than a wife that fhould Ihut it againft him ? Be- 
 fides, it will be the better for us all ; for if the huiband 
 were as covetous as the devil, he could not flop the 
 hands of an extravagant wife. She will always have it 
 in her power to reward thofe who keep her fecrets ; and 
 when the hufband is old enough to be the wife's grand- 
 father, me has always fecrets that are worth concealing, 
 take my word for it: fo, faith, 1 will e'en fet about 
 that in earnefl, which I have hitherto intended only as 
 a jeft. 
 
 Ramil. But do you think you can prevail with her? 
 ' Will fhe not be apt to think me lofes that by the ex- 
 ' change, which he cannot make her amends for? 
 
 ' Lap. Ah, Ramilie ! The difficulty is not fo great 
 
 * to perfuade a woman to follow her intereft. We gene- 
 rally have that more at heart than you men imagine ; 
 
 * befides, we are extremely apt to liften to one another ; 
 ' and whether you would lead a woman to ruin, or 
 
 * preferve her from it, the fureft way of doing either is 
 
 * by one of her own fex. We are generally decoy'd 
 
 * into the net by birds of our own feathers.' 
 
 Ramil. Well, if you do fuccecd in your undertaking, 
 you will allow this, I hope, that I firlt put it into your 
 head. 
 
 Lap. Yes, it is true you did mention it firlr. ; but I 
 thought of it firft I am fare ; I mull have thought of it : 
 but I will not lofe a moment's time : for, notwithftand- 
 ing all 1 have {aid, young fellows are devils. Befides, 
 this has a mod plaufible tongue, and, mould he get ac- 
 cefs to Mariana, may do in a few minutes what 1 fhall 
 never be able to undo as long as I live. [Exit. 
 
 Ramil. There goes the glory of all chambermaids. 
 ' The jade has art, but it is quite ovcrfhadow'd by her 
 
 * vanity. She will get the better of every one but the 
 ' perfon who will condefcend to praife her ; for, tho* 
 me be a moft mercenary devil, fhe will fwallow no 
 
 bribe
 
 T H E M I S E R. 37 
 
 bribe half fo eagerly as flattery. The fame pride 
 which warms her fancy, ferves to cool her appetites ; 
 and therefore, though flie has neither virtue nor 
 beauty, her vanity gives her both. And this is try 
 miitrefs, wkh a pox to her. Pray, v. hat ;.ni 1 in -love 
 xvith? But that is a quefdcm fo few lovers can ;.nfwer, 
 that 1 fhall content myielf with thinking I am hi love 
 with leje ne ffai quoi.' " Match her tvho can. [lixit," 
 
 SCENE Lovegold V L 
 
 Lovegold, Frederick, Harriet, Mrs. \V~iu.; y, and 
 Mariana. 
 
 Lot'e. You fee, Madam, what it is to marry extreme- 
 ly young. Here are a couple of tall branches for you, 
 almoll the age of man and woman : but ill weeds grow 
 apace. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. When children come to their age, Mr. 
 Lovegold, they are no longer any trouble to their pa- 
 rents : what I have always dreaded was to have married 
 into a family where there were fmall children. 
 
 Ltnie. Pray give me leave, young lady : 1 have been 
 told you have no great averfion to fpeftacles : it is not 
 that .your charms do not fufiiciently flrike the naked 
 eye, or that they want addition ; but it is with glaffes 
 we look at the liars, and I'll maintain you are a itar of 
 beauty that is the finell, brighteft, and moft glorious of 
 all ftars. 
 
 Mar. Harriet, I (hall certainly burit: Oh ! naufeous, 
 filthy fellow! \_Afide. 
 
 Lc-ve. What does me fay to you, Harriet? 
 
 Har. She fays, Sir, if Ihe were a flar, you mould be 
 fure of her kindeft influence. 
 
 Lo-ve. How can I return this great honour you do 
 me ? 
 
 Mar. A ugh ! what an animal ! what a wretch ! [AJtde. 
 
 Love. Ho.v vaitly am I obliged to you for thefe kind 
 fentiments ! 
 
 Klar. I ihall never be able to hold it out, unlefs you 
 keep him at a greater uiftance. \_AJlde to Harriet. 
 
 Lo<ve. [Lijte/iJug.] I Ihall make them both keep their 
 dillance, Madam. Harkee, you Mr. Spendall, why 
 don't yen come and make this lady fome acknowledg- 
 ment for the great honour me does your father ? 
 
 Fred.
 
 3 THE MISER. 
 
 Fred. My father has indeed, Madam, much reafon 
 to be vain of his choice. You will be, doubtlefs, a 
 very great honour to our family. Notwithftanding 
 which, I cannot diffemble my real fentiments fo far, as 
 to counterfeit any joy I (hall have in the name of fon- 
 in-law; nor can I help faying, that if it were in my 
 power, I believe I fhould make no fcruple of preventing 
 the match. 
 
 Mar. I believe it, indeed : were they to aflc the leave 
 of their children, few parents would marry twice. 
 
 Lei>e. Why, you ill-bred blockhead, is that the com- 
 pliment you make your mother-in-law ? 
 . Fred. Well, Sir, fmce you will have me talk in ano- 
 ther ftyle Suffer, me, Madam, to put myfelf in the 
 
 place of my father ; .and believe me, when I fwear to 
 you I never faw any one half fo charming ; that I can 
 imagine no happincfs equal to that of pleafing you ; 
 that, to be called your hufband, would be to my ears a 
 title more bleft, more glorious, than that of the grenteit 
 of princes. ' The poffeflion of you is the moft valuable 
 
 gift in the power of Fortune. That is the lovely mark 
 
 to which all my ambition tends ; there is nothing 
 
 which I am not capable of undertaking to attain fo 
 
 great a blefling : all difficulties, when you are the 
 
 prize in purfuit ' 
 
 Love. Hold ! hold ! Sir ! foftly if you pfeafe. 
 
 Fred. \ am only faying a few civil things, Sir, for 
 ,you to this Jady. 
 
 Lo<vc. Your humble fervant, Sir : I have a tongue to 
 fay civil things with myfelf. 1 have no need of fuch 
 an interpreter as you are, fweet Sir ! 
 
 Mar. If your father could not fpeak better for him- 
 felf than his fon can for him, I am afraid he would meet 
 with little fuccefs. 
 
 Lo<ue. I don't aflc you, ladies, to drink any wine be- 
 fore fupper, left it mould fpoil your ftomachs. 
 
 Fred. I have taken the liberty to order fome fvveet- 
 meats, Sir, and Tokay, in the next room : I hope the 
 ladies will excufe what is wanting. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. There was no neceflity for fuch a Colla- 
 tion. 
 
 Fred. [To Mariana.] Did you ever fee, Madam, fo 
 fine a brilliant as that on my father's finger ? 
 
 Mar.
 
 THE MISER. 39 
 
 Mar, It feems, indeed, to be a very fine one. 
 
 Fred. You cannot judge of ic, Madam, unlefs you 
 were to fee it nearer. If you will give me leave, Sir, 
 [Takes it from off" his Father's finger, and gives it to 
 Mariana.] There is no feeing a jewel while it is on 
 the finger. 
 
 fine one - 
 
 Fred. [Preventing Mariana, <who is going to return //.} 
 No, Madam, it is already in the beft hands. My father, 
 Madam, intends it as a prefent to you ; therefore, I 
 hope you will accept it. 
 
 Love. Prefent ! I ! 
 
 Fred. Is it not, Sir, your requeft to this lady, that 
 fhe mould wear this bauble for your fake ? 
 Love. [To his fon.~\ Is the devil in you ? 
 
 Fred. He makes figns to me, that I would intreat 
 you to accept it. 
 
 Mar. I mail not, upon my word. 
 
 Fred. He will not receive it again. 
 
 Love. I mall run ftark ftaring mad. 
 
 Mar. I mull infiu on returning it. 
 
 Fred. It would be cruel in you to refufe him ; let me 
 intreat you, Madam, not to mock my poor father to fuch 
 a degree. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. It is ill-breeding, child, to refufe fo 
 often . 
 
 Love. Oh ! that the devil would but fly away with 
 this fellow ! 
 
 Fred. See, Madam, what agonies he is in, left you 
 fhould return it. It is not my fault, dear Sir; I do 
 all I can to prevail with her but (he is obftinate - . 
 For pity's fake, Madam, keep it. 
 
 Love. [To bis fon.~\ Infernal villain ! 
 
 Fred. My father will never forgive me, Madam, un- 
 lefs I fuccecd : on my knees I intreat you. 
 
 Love. The cut-ihroat ! 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Daughter, I proteft you make me aftiam'd 
 of you : come, come, put up the ring, iince Mr. Love- 
 gold is fo uneafy about it. 
 
 Mar. Your commands, Madam, always determine 
 me, and I {hall refufe no longer. 
 
 3 Love.
 
 40 THE MISER. 
 
 Love. I (hall be undone : I wifh I was buried while I 
 have one farthing left. 
 
 Enter James. 
 
 James, Sir, there is a man at the door who defires to 
 fpeak with you. 
 
 Love. Tell him I am bufy bid him come another 
 time bid him leave his bufinefs with you. 
 
 James. Muft he leave the money he has brought with 
 me, Sir? 
 
 Love. No, no, ftay' tell him I come this in- 
 
 ftant. I afk pardon, ladies, I'll wait on you again im- 
 mediately. {Exit. 
 
 Fred. Will you pleafe, ladies, to walk into the 
 next room, and tafte the collation I was men- 
 tioning ? 
 
 Mar. I have eat too much fruit already this after- 
 noon. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Really, Sir, this is an unneceflary trouble; 
 but, fince the Tokay is provided, I will tafte one 
 glafs. 
 
 Har. I'll wait on you, Madam. 
 
 [Exeunt M--S. Wifely and Harriet. 
 
 Mar. That is a mighty pretty picture over the door, 
 Harriet. Is it a family-piece, my dear ? I think it has 
 a great deal of you in it. Are not you generally 
 
 thought very like it? Hey-day ! where is my mama 
 
 and your fitter gone? 
 
 Fred. They thought, Madam, we might have fome 
 bufinefs together, and fo were willing to leave us 
 alone. 
 
 Mar. Did they fo ? But as we happen to have no bufi- 
 nefs together, we may as well follow them. 
 
 Fred. When a lover has no other obllacles to fur- 
 mount, but thofe his miftrefs throws in his way, me is in 
 the right not to become too eafy a conqueft j but were 
 you as kind s I could wilh, my father would ftill prove 
 a fufficient bar to our happinefs ; therefore it is a double 
 cruelty in you. 
 
 Mar. Our happinefs ! how came your happinefs and 
 mine to depend fo on one another, pray ? ' when that 
 ' of the mother and fon-in-law are ufually fo very op- 
 ' pofite.' 
 
 Fred.
 
 THE MISER. 41 
 
 Fred. This is keeping up the play bshindthe curtain. 
 Your kindnefs to him comes from the fame fpring, as 
 your cruelty to me. 
 
 Mar. Modeft enough ! Then, I fuppofe, you think 
 both fictitious. 
 
 Fred Faith, to be fmcere, I do. Without arrogance, 
 I think I have nothing in me fo dtteftable, as fhould 
 make you deaf to all I fay, or blind to all I fuffer. 
 This I am certain, there is nothing in him fo charm- 
 ing, as to captivate a woman of your fenfe in a mo- 
 ment. 
 
 Mar. You are miftaken, Sir : money, money, the 
 molt charming of all things; money, which will lay 
 more in one moment than the moil eloquent lover can 
 in years. Perhaps you will fay a man is not young; 
 I anfwer, he is rich : he is not genteel, handfome, 
 witty, brave, good-humoured ; but he is rich, rich, 
 
 rich, rich, rich that one word contradicts every 
 
 thing you can fay againft him ; and if you were to 
 praiie a perfon for a whole hour, and end with, But be 
 is poor, you overthrow all you have faid ; for it has 
 long been an eiiablimed maxim, that he who is rich 
 can have no vice, and he that is poor can have no 
 virtue. 
 
 Fred. Thefe principles are foreign to the real fcnti- 
 ments of Mariana's heart. I vow, did you but know 
 how ill a counterfeit you are, how awkwardly ill-nature 
 fits upon you, you'd never wear it. ' There is not 
 one fo abandon'd, but that me can affeft what is 
 amiable, better than you can what is odious. Na- 
 ture has painted in you the complexion of Virtue in 
 fuch lively colours, that nothing but what is lovely 
 can fuit you, or appear your own.' 
 
 Enter Harriet. 
 
 Har. I left your mama, Mariana, with Mn Clermont, 
 who is mewing her fome pictures in the gallery. Well, 
 have you told him ? 
 Mar. Told him what ? 
 
 Har. Why, what you told me this afternoon, that 
 you lov'd him. 
 
 Mar. I tell you I lov'd him ! O barbarous 
 
 falfehood ! 
 
 Fred.
 
 4* THE MISER. 
 
 FrttL Did you ? could you fay fo ? Oh ! repeat it t* 
 my face, and make me blefs'd to that degree ! 
 ' Har. Repeat it to him, can't you? How can you be 
 fo ill-natur'd to conceal any thing from another, which 
 would make him happy to know ? 
 
 Mar. The lye would choke me, were I to fay 
 fo. 
 
 ffar. Indeed, my dear, you have faid you hated him 
 fo often, that you need not fear that. But, if fhe will 
 not difcover it to you herfelf, take my word for it, bro- 
 ther, fhe is your own without any pofiibility of lofmg. 
 She is full as fond of you as you are of her. I hate 
 this peeviih, foolilh coynefs in women, who will fuffer 
 a worthy lover to languish and defpatr, when they need 
 only put themfelves to the pain of telling truth to make 
 him eafy. 
 
 Mar. Give me leave to tell you, Mifs Harriet, this 
 is a treatment I did not expeft from you, efpecially in 
 your own houfe, Madam. 1 did not imagine I was in- 
 vited hither to be betray'd, and that you had entered 
 into a plot with your brother againft my reputa- 
 tion. 
 
 Har. We form a plot againft your reputation ! I wifh 
 you could fee, my dear, how prettily thefe airs become 
 you. Take my word for it, you would have no reafon 
 to be in love with your fancy. 
 
 Mar. I ihould indeed have no reafon to be in \o\t 
 with my fancy if it were fix'd where you have infmuated 
 it. 
 
 Har. If you have any reafon, Madam, to be afhamed 
 of your choice, it is from denying it. My brother is 
 every way worthy of you, Madam ; and give me leave 
 to tell you, if I can prevent it, you mall not render him 
 as ridiculous to the town, as you have fome other of your 
 admirers. 
 
 F red. Dear Harriet, carry it no farther : you will 
 ruin me for ever with her. 
 
 Har. Away, you do not know the fex. Her vanity 
 will make you play the fool till fhe defpifes you, and 
 then contempt will deftroy her affe&ion for you It 
 is a part fhe has often play'd. 
 
 Mar. I am obliged to you however, Madam, for the 
 
 leflbn
 
 THE MISER. 43 
 
 lefibn you have given me, how far I may depend on a 
 woman's friendfhip. It will be my own fault, if ever I 
 am deceiv'd hereafter. 
 
 Har. My friendmip, Madam, naturally cools, when 
 I difcoverits object lefs worthy than I imagin'd her. I 
 can never have any violent '.fteem for one, who would 
 make herfelf unhappy, to make the perfon who dotes 
 on her piore fo : the ridiculous cuilom of the world is a 
 poor excufe for fuch a behaviour. And, in my opinion, 
 the coquette, who facrifices the eafe and reputation of 
 as many as me is able, to an ill-natur'd vanity, is a 
 more odious, I am fure Ihe is a more pernicious crea- 
 ture, than the wretch whom fondnefs betrays to make 
 her lover happy at the expence of her own reputa- 
 tion. 
 
 Enter Mrs. Wifely and Clermont. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Upon my word, Sir, you have a moft ex- 
 cellent tafte for piftures. 
 
 Mar. I can bear this no longer : if you had been bafe 
 enough to have given up all friendmip and honour, 
 good-breeding mould have reftrain'd you from uf- 
 ing me after this inhumane, cruel, barbarous man- 
 ner ! 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Blcfs me ! child, what's the mat- 
 ter? 
 
 Har. Let me intreat you, Mariana, not to ex- 
 pofe yourfelf : you have nothing to complain of on 
 his fide ; and therefore, pray let the whole be a 
 fecret. 
 
 Mar. A fecret ! no, Madam : the whole world fhall 
 know how I have been treated. I thank Heaven, I have 
 it in my power to be reveng'd on you j and if I am not 
 reveng'd on you 
 
 Fred. See, filler, was I not in the right ? did I not 
 tell you, you would ruin me ? and now you have done 
 it. 
 
 Har. Courage! all will go well yet. You muft not 
 be frighten'd at a few ftorms. Thefe are only blafta 
 that carry a lover to his harbour. 
 
 Enter Lovegold. 
 
 Love. I aflc your pardon : I have difpatch'd my bufi- 
 nefs with all poffible haite.
 
 44 THE MISER. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. I did not expeft, Mr. Lovegold, when 
 
 \ve were invited hither, that your children intended te 
 
 affront us. 
 
 Love . Has any one affronted you, Madam ? 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Your children, Sir, have us'd my poor 
 
 girl fo ill, that they have brought tears into her eyes. 
 
 1 can aflure you, we are not us'd to be treated in this 
 
 manner. My daughter is of as good a family 
 
 Love. Out of my fight, audacious, vile wretches, and 
 
 let me never fee you again. 
 
 Fred. Sir, I 
 
 Love. I won't hear a word, and I wifli I may never 
 
 hear you more. Was ever fuch impudence ! to dare, 
 
 after what I have told you 
 
 Kar. Come, brother, perhaps I may give you fome 
 
 comfort. 
 
 Fred. I fear you have deftroy'd it for ever. 
 
 \Exeunt Frederick and Harriet, 
 Love. How fhall I make you amends for the rude- 
 
 nefs you have fuffer'd ? Poor, pretty creature ! had they 
 
 itolen my purfe, I would almoft as foon have pardon'd 
 
 them ! 
 
 Mrs. Wife. The age is come to a fine pafs, indeed, 
 
 if children are to controul the wills of their parents. 
 
 If I would have confented to a fecond match, I would 
 
 have been glad to have feen a child of mine oppofe 
 
 it. 
 
 Love. Let us be married immediately, my dear ; and 
 
 if after that they ever dare to offend you, they fhall itay 
 
 no longer under my roof. 
 
 ' Mrs. Wife. Lookee, Mariana, I know your confent 
 will appear a little fudden, and not altogether con- 
 form to thofe nice rules of decorum, of which I have 
 been all my life fo ftrift an obferver; but this is fo 
 prudent a match, that the world will be apt to give 
 you a difpenfation. When women feem too forward 
 to run away with idle young fellows, the world is, 
 as it ought to be, very fevere on them ; but when 
 they only confult their interefl in their confent, 
 tho' it be never fo quickly given, we fay, La ! 
 who fufpeded it ? it was mighty privately carried 
 on ! 
 
 Mar.
 
 THE MISER. 45. 
 
 * Mar. I refign myfelf intirely over to your will, 
 ' Madam, and am at your difpofal.' 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Mr. Lovegold, my daughter is a little 
 fhy on this occafion : you know your courtfhip has not 
 been of any long date ; but me has confidered your 
 great merit, and I believe I may venture to give you 
 her confent. 
 
 Love. And mail I? Hey! I begin to find myfelf the 
 happieft man upon earth. Od ! Madam, you mall be 
 a grandmother within thefe ten months I am a very 
 young fellov/. 
 
 Mar. If you were five years younger, I fhould utterly 
 deteil you. 
 
 Love. The very creature me was defcribed to 
 be ! no one, fure, ever fo luckily found a mafs 
 of treafure as I have. My pretty fweet, if you 
 will walk a few minutes in the garden, I will wait 
 on you : I muft give fome necefiary orders to my 
 clerk. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. We will expeft you with impatience. 
 
 [Exeunt Mrs. Wifely and Mariana. 
 
 Love. Clermont, come hither : you fee the diforder 
 my houfe is like to be in this evening. I muft trufl 
 every thino; to your care : fee that matters be managed 
 with as fmall expence as poflible. My extravagant fon 
 has fent for fruit, fvveetmeats, and tokay. Take care 
 what is not eat or drank be returned to the trades- 
 people. If you can fuve a bottle of the wine, let that be 
 lent back too; and put up what is left, if part of a 
 bottle, in a pint : that I will keep for my own drink- 
 ing when I am fick. Be fure that the fervants of my 
 guefts be not afk'd to conu- farther than the hall, for 
 fear fome of mine fr.ould afk them to eat. I truft every 
 thing to yon. 
 
 C/er. I fliall take all the care poflible, Sir. But there 
 is one thing, in this entertainment of yours, which 
 gives me inexpreflible pain. 
 
 Love. What is that, pr'ythee ? 
 
 C/er. This is the caufe of it. Give me leave, Sir, 
 to be free on this occafion. I am forry a man of your 
 years and prudence fhould be prevail'd on to fo 
 
 indifcreet
 
 46 THE MISER. 
 
 indifcreet an a&ion, as I fear this marriage will be 
 called. 
 
 Love. I know fhe has not quite fo great a fortune as 
 I might expeft. 
 
 Cler. Has fhe any fortune, Sir ? 
 Love. Oh ! yes, yes : I have been very well aflured 
 that her mother is in very good circum (lances ; and you 
 know fhe is her only daughter. Befides, fhe has feveral 
 qualities that will fave a fortune ; * and a penny fav'd 
 ' is a penny got. Since I find I have great occalion 
 ' for a wife, I might have fearch'd all over this town, 
 ' and not have got one cheaper.' 
 
 Cler. Sure, you are in -a dream, Sir: fhe fave a 
 fortune ! 
 
 Love. In the article of a table, at leafl two hundred 
 pounds a-year. 
 
 Cler. Sure, Sir, you do not know 
 
 Love. In clothes, two hundred more 
 
 Cler. There is not, Sir, in the whole town 
 
 Love. In jewels, one hundred ; play, five hundred ; 
 thefe have been all prov'd to me ; befide* all that her 
 mother is worth. In fhort, I have made a very prudent 
 choice. 
 
 Cler. Do but hear me, Sir. 
 
 Love. Take a particular care of the family, my 
 good boy. Pray, let there be nothing walled. 
 
 [Exit Lovegold. 
 Clermont alone. 
 
 How vainly do we fpend our breath, while paffiorl 
 
 fhuts the ears of thofe we talk to ! 'I thought it im- 
 
 poffible for any thincj to have furmountcd his avarice; 
 
 but I find there is one iittle paffipji, which reigns 
 
 triumphant in every mind it creeps into ; and whether 
 
 a man be covetous, proud, or cowardly, it is in the 
 
 power of woman to make him liberal, humble, and 
 
 brave.' Sure this young lady will not let her fury 
 
 carry her into the arms of a wretch fhe defpifes ; but, 
 
 as fhe is a coquette, there is no anfwering for any of 
 
 her actions. ' I will haften to acquaint Frederick with 
 
 * what I have heard. Poor man ! how little fatisfac- 
 
 ' tion he finds in his miilrefs, compared to what I meet 
 
 ' in
 
 THE MISER. 47 
 
 in Harriet ? Love to him is mifery, to me perfeft 
 
 happinefs. Women are always one or the other ; 
 
 they are never indifFerent. 
 
 ' Whoever takes for better and far ivorfe, 
 
 ' Meets with the great eft blejjlng, or the great eft cur/ir.' 
 
 A C T IV. S C E N E a Hall in Lovegold'/ Houfi. 
 
 Frederick and Ramilie. 
 
 Fred. T_T O W ! Lappet my enemy ! and can me at- 
 ~J tempt to forward Mariana's marriage with 
 
 my father ? 
 
 Ramil. Sir, upon my honour, it is true. She told it 
 me in the higheit confidence : a truil, Sir, which no- 
 thing;, but the inviolable friendfhip I have for you, 
 could have prevailed with me to have broken. 
 
 Fred. Sir, I am your moft humble fervant : I am in- 
 finitely oblig'd to your friendship. 
 
 Ram. O Sir ; but really I did withftand pretty 
 confiderable offers : for, would you think it, Sir, the 
 jade had the impudence to attempt to engage me too in 
 the affair ? I believe, Sir, you v/otild have been pleas'd 
 to have heard the anfwer I gave her : Madam, fays I, 
 do you think, if I had no ir.ore honour, I mould have 
 no greater regard to my intereft r It is my intereil, Ma- 
 dam, fays I, to be honeft : for my mailer is a man of 
 that generality, that liberality, that bounty, that I am 
 fuie he will never fuffer any fervant of his to be a iofer 
 by being true to him. No, no, fays I; let him alone 
 for rewarding a fervant, when he is but once affur'd of 
 his fidelity. 
 
 Fred. No demands now, Ramilie : I mall find a time 
 to reward you.- 
 
 Ramil. That was what I told her, Sir. Do you think, 
 fays I, this old rafcal, (I afk your pardon, Sir) that 
 this hunks, my mailer's father, will live for ever? And 
 then, fays I, do you think my mailer will not remember 
 his old friends I 
 
 Fred.
 
 48 THE MISER. 
 
 Fred. Well, but, dear Sir, let us have no more or 
 
 your rhetoric go and fetch Lappet hither. I'll try 
 
 if I can't bring her over. 
 
 Ramil. Bring her over ! a fig for her, Sir. I have a 
 plot worth fifty of yours. I'll blow her up with your 
 father. I'll make him believe juft the contrary of every 
 word {he has told him. 
 
 Fred. Can you do that ? 
 
 Ramil. Never fear it, Sir; I warrant my lyes keep 
 even pace with hers. But, Sir, I have another plot ; 
 I don't quefticn but before you deep, I {hall put 
 you in poffeffion of fome thoufands of your father's 
 money. 
 
 . Fred. He has done all in his power to provoke me 
 to it ; but I am afraid that will be carrying the jell too 
 far. 
 
 Ramil. Sir, I will undertake to make it out, that 
 robbing him is a downright meritorious aft. Befides, 
 Sir, if you have any qualms of confcience, you may re- 
 turn it him again. Your having pofiefiion of it will 
 bring him to any terms. 
 
 Fred. Well, well, I believe there is little danger of 
 thy Healing any thing from him : fo about the firft af- 
 fair. It is that only which caufes my prefent pain. 
 
 Ramil. Fear nothing, Sir, whillt Ramilie is your 
 friend. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Clermont. 
 
 Fred. If Impudence can give a title to fuccefs, I am 
 fure thou hall a good one. 
 
 Cler. O Frederick ! I have been looking you all 
 c\er the houfe. I have news for you, which will 
 
 five me pain to difcover, tho' it is neceflary you fhouid 
 now it. In (hort, Mariana has determined to marry 
 your father this evening. 
 
 Fred. How ! O Clermont ! is it poflible ? curfed be 
 the politics of my filler : me is the innocent occafion of 
 this. And can Mariana, from a pique to her, throw her- 
 felf away ! Dear Clermont, give me fome advice, think 
 on fome method by which I may prevent, at leall defer, 
 this match ; for that moment which gives her to my 
 father will ftrike a thoufand daggers in my heart. 
 
 Cler.
 
 THE MISER. 49 
 
 Cler. Would I could advife you ! but here comes one 
 who is more likely to invent fome means for your deli- 
 verance. 
 
 Fred. Ha ! Lappet ! 
 
 Enter Lappet. 
 
 Lap. Hey-day ! Mr. Frederick, you ftand with your 
 arms acrofs, and look as melancholy as if there was a 
 funeral going on in the houfe inltead of a wedding. 
 
 Fred. This wedding, Madam, will prove the occa- 
 fion of my funeral : I am oblig'd to you for being in- 
 ftrumental to it. 
 
 Lap. Why, truly, if you confider the cafe rightly, I 
 think you are. It will be much more to your intereft 
 to 
 
 Fred. Miftrefs, undo immediately what you have 
 done : prevent this match which you have forwarded, 
 or, by all the devils which inhabit that heart of 
 yourj 
 
 ' Lap. For Heaven's fake, Sir! you do not intend to 
 
 * kill me ! 
 
 ' Fred. What could drive your villany to attempt 
 ' to rob me of the woman I dote on more than life ? 
 what could urge thee, when I trufted thee with my 
 ' pafllon, when I have paid the moil extravagant ufury 
 
 * for money to bribe thee to be my friend, what could 
 ' fvvay thee to betray me ? 
 
 ' Lap. As I hope to be fav'd, Sir, whatever I have 
 ' done was intended for your fervice. 
 
 ' Fred. It is in vain to deny it : I know thou haft us'd 
 ' thy utmoft art to perfuade my father into this 
 
 * match. 
 
 ' Lap. If I did, Sir, it was all with a view towards 
 
 * your intereil : if I have done any thing to prevent 
 ' your having her, it was becaufe I thought you would 
 
 * do better without her. 
 
 ' Fred. Would'ft thou, to fave my life, tear out my 
 ' heart ? and doft thou, like an impudent inquifitor, 
 ' whilft thou art deftroying me, affert it is for my own 
 fake?' 
 
 Lap. Be but appeas'd, Sir, and let me recover out of 
 this terrible fright you have put me into, and I will en- 
 gage to make you eafy yet. 
 
 Cler. Dear Frederick, adjourn your anger for a while 
 
 at leaft ; I am fure Mrs. Lappet is not your enemy in 
 
 C her
 
 5 o THE MISER. 
 
 her heart, * and whatever fhe has done, if it has not 
 been for your fake, this I dare confidently affirm, it 
 ' has been for her own.' And I have fo good an opi- 
 nion of her, that the moment you mew her it will be 
 more her interefl to ferve you, than to oppofe you, you 
 may be fecure of her friendfhip. 
 
 Fred. But has fhe not already carried it beyond re- 
 trieval ? 
 
 Lap. Alas, Sir ! I never did any thing yet fo effe&u- 
 ally, but that I have been capable of undoing it ; nor 
 have I ever faid any thing fo pofitively, but that I have 
 been able as pofitively to unfay it again. As for truth, 
 I have negledled it fo long, that I often forget which 
 fide of the queftion ic is of. Befides, I look upon it to 
 be fo very infignificant towards fuccefs, that I am indif- 
 ferent whether it is for me or againft me. 
 
 Fred. Let me intreat you, dear Madam, to lofe no 
 time in informing us of your many excellent qualities; 
 but confider how very precious our time is, fince the 
 marriage is intended this very evening. 
 
 Lap-. That cannot be. 
 
 Cler. My own ears were witnefles to her confent. 
 
 Lap. That, indeed, may be but for the marriage 
 
 it cannot be, nor mall it be. 
 
 Fred. How ! how will you prevent it ? 
 
 Lap. By an infallible rule I have. But, Sir, Mr. 
 Clermont was mentioning a certain little word called 
 intereft, juft now. I mould not repeat it to you, Sir, 
 but that really one goes about a thing with fo much 
 a better will, and one has fo much better luck in it 
 too, when one has got fome little matter by it. 
 
 Fred. Here, take all the money I have in my pocket, 
 and on my marriage with Mariana, thou malt have 
 fifty more. 
 
 Lap. That is enough, Sir : if they were half married 
 already, I would unmarry them again. I am impa- 
 tient till I am about it. Oh ! there is nothing 
 like gold to quicken a woman's capacity. [Exit Lappet. 
 
 Fred. Doft thou think I may place any confidence in 
 what this woman fays ? 
 
 Cler. Faith ! I think fo. 1 have told you how dex- 
 teroufly me manag'd my affairs. I have feen fuch 
 proofs of her capacity, that I am much eaficr on your 
 account than I was, 
 
 Fred.
 
 THE MIS E R. 51 
 
 Fred. My own heart is fomewhat lighter too. O 
 Clermont 1 how dearly do we buy- all the joys which we 
 receive from women ! 
 
 ' Cler. A coquette's lover generally pays very fe- 
 ' verely, indeed. 'His game is fure to lead him a 
 
 * long chace, and if he catches her at laft, me is 
 
 ' hardly worth carrying home You will ex- 
 
 ' cufe me. 
 
 * Fred. It does not affeft me ; for what appears a 
 f coquette in Mariana is rather the effeft of fpright- 
 ' linefs and youth, than any fix'd habit of mind : 
 
 * (lie has good-fenfe and good- nature at the bot- 
 
 * torn. 
 
 ' Cler. If me has good-nature, it is at the bottom 
 ' indeed ! for I think fhe has never difcover'd any to 
 
 * you. 
 
 ' Fred. Women of her beauty and merit have fuch a 
 ' variety of admirers, that they are fhock'd to think of 
 ' giving up all the reft by fixing on one. Betides, fo 
 
 * many pretty gentlemen are continually attending 
 
 * them, and whifpering foft things in their ears, who 
 ' think all their fervices well repaid by a curtfey or a 
 ' fmile, that they are ftartled, and think a lover a moft 
 unreafonable creature, who can imagine he merits 
 ' their whole perfon. 
 
 f CAr, They are, of all people, my averfion : they 
 ' are a fort o fpaniels, who, tho' they have no chance 
 ' of running down the hare themfelves, often fpoil 
 ' the chace. I have known one of thefe fellows pur- 
 
 * fue half the fine women in town, without any 
 ' other defign than of enjoying them all in the arms 
 
 * of a ftrumpet. It is pleafant enough to fee them 
 ' watching the eyes of a woman of quality half 
 ' an hour, to get an opportunity of making a bow to 
 her. 
 
 ' Fred. Which fhe often returns with a fmile, or 
 ' fome more extraordinary mark of afte&ion ; from 
 ' a charitable delign of giving pain to her real ad- 
 ' mirer, who, tho' he can't be jealous of the animal, 
 ' is concern'd to fee her condefcend to take notice of 
 ' him. 
 
 ' Enter Harriet. 
 
 ' Har. I fuppofe, brother, you have heard of my 
 ' good father's ceconomy, that he has refolv'd to join 
 
 C 2 tWO
 
 52 THE M I S E R. 
 
 ' two entertainments in one and prevent giving an 
 
 ' extraordinary wedding fupper. 
 
 ' Fred. Yes, I have heard it, and I hope have taken 
 ' meafures to prevent it. 
 
 Har. Why, did you believe it then ? 
 
 ' Fred. I think I had no longer room to doubt. 
 
 ' Har. I would not bdieve it, if I were to fee them in 
 bed together. 
 
 ' Fred. Heaven forbid it ! 
 
 * Har. So fay I too. Heaven forbid I mould have 
 
 * fuch a mother-in-law ! but, I think, if me were 
 ' wedded into any other family, you would have 
 ' no reafon to lament the lofs of fo conflant a mif- 
 ' trefs. 
 
 ' Fred. Dear Harriet, indulge my weaknefs. 
 
 ' Har. I will indulge your weaknefs with all my 
 
 ' heart but the men ought not ; for they are fuch 
 
 ' lovers as you who fpoil the women. Come, if 
 
 ' you will bring Mr. Clermont into my apartment, 
 ' I'll give you a dim of tea, and you mall have fome 
 
 * fal 'volatile in it, tho' you have no real caufe for any 
 
 * depreflion of your fpirits ; for I dare fwear your 
 ' miftrefs is very fafe. And I am fure, if me were to 
 
 * be loft in the manner you apprehend, fhe would be 
 
 * the beft lofs you ever had in your life. 
 
 ' Cler. O Frederick ! if Tyour miftrefs were but 
 ' equal to your fifter, you might te well called the 
 ' happieft of mankind.' [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENES Gkamber. 
 Mariana and Lappet. 
 
 Lap. Ha, ha, ha ! and fo you l^ave perfuaded the old 
 Icdy, that you really intend to haVe him ? 
 
 Rfar. I tell you, I do really intend to have him. 
 
 Lap. Have him ! ha, ha, ha ! For what do you in- 
 tend to have him ? 
 
 Mar. Have I not told you already, that I will marry 
 him ? 
 
 Lap. Indeed, you will not ! 
 
 Mar. How ! Mrs. Impertinence ! has your miftrefs 
 fold you fo? and did me fend you hither to perfuade 
 me again!* the match ? 
 
 Lap. What mould you marry him for ? As for his 
 
 riches,
 
 THE MISER. 53 
 
 riches, you might as well think of going hungry to 
 fine entertainment, where you were fure of not being 
 fuffer'd to eat. The very income of your own fortune 
 will be more than he will allow you. Adieu fine 
 clothes, operas, plays, afTemblies ; adieu dear quadrille 
 and to what have you facrificed all thefe ? not to 
 a hulband for whatever you make of him, you will 
 never make a hufband of him, I'm fure. 
 
 Mar. This is a liberty, Madam, I mall not allow 
 you : if you intend to ftay in this houfe, you mud leave 
 off thefe pretty airs you have lately given yourfdt. 
 Remember you are a fervanthere, and not the m.itreis, 
 as you have been fuffered to affeft. 
 
 Lap. You may lay afide your airs too, good Madam. 
 if you come to that ; for I mall not delire to ftay in this 
 houfe, when you are the miitrefs of it. 
 
 Mar. It will be prudent in you, not to put on your 
 ufual infolence to me ; for if you do, your mafter (hall 
 punim you for it. 
 
 Lap. I have one comfort, he will not be able to pu- 
 nim me half fo much as he will you. The worft he can 
 do to me is to turn me out of the houfe but you he can 
 keep in it. Wife to an old fellow ! faugh ! 
 
 Mar. If Mifs Harriet fent you on this errand, you 
 may return, and tell her, her wit is fhallower than I 
 
 imagin'd it and fince me has no more experience, 
 
 I believe 1 mall fend my daughter-in-law to fchooi 
 again. [Exit. 
 
 Lap. Hum ! you will have a fchool-mafter at home. 
 I begin to doubt whether this fweet-temper'd creature 
 will not marry in fpite at laft. I have one project mor 
 to prevent her, and that I will about inftantly. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE, the Garden. 
 Lovegold and Mrs. Wifely. 
 
 Love. I cannot be eafy: I mufl fettle fomething upoa 
 her. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Believe me, Mr. Lovegold, it is unnecefTa- 
 ry : when you die, you will leave your wife very well 
 provided for. 
 
 Lo*ve. Indeed, I have known feveral law-fuits happen 
 
 on thefe accounts ; and fometimes the whole has been 
 
 thrown away in difputing to which party it belonged. 
 
 C 3 I /hall
 
 54 THE MISER. 
 
 1 lhall not fleep in my grave, while a fet of villanous 
 lawyers are dividing the little money I have among them. 
 
 Mrs, Wife. I know this old fool is fond enough now 
 to come to any terms; but it is ill trufting him : violent 
 paflions can never laft long at his years. [Afide. 
 
 Love. What are you confidering ? 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Mr. Lovegold, I am fure, knows the 
 world too well to have the worfe opinion of any woman, 
 from her prudence : therefore I muft tell you, this delay 
 of the match does not at all pleafe me. It feems to ar- 
 gue your inclination abated, and fo it is better to let 
 the treaty end here. My daughter has a very good offer 
 now, which were Ih-e to refufe on your account, fhe 
 would make a very ridiculous figure in the world after 
 you had left her. 
 
 Love. Alas ! Madam, I love her better than any 
 thing almoft upon the face of the earth ; this delay is 
 to fecure her a good jointure : I am not worth the mo- 
 ney the world fays ; I am not indeed. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Well, Sir, then there can be no harm, 
 for the fatisfacKon both of her mind and mine, in your 
 figning a fmall contract, which can be prepar'd imme- 
 diately. 
 
 Love. What fignifies figning, Madam ? 
 
 Mrs. Wife. I fee, Sir, you don't care for it ; fo there 
 is no harm done. And really this other is fo very ad- 
 vantageous an offer, that I don't know whether I mail 
 not be blam'd for refufing him on any account. 
 
 Love. Nay, but be not in haite : what would you 
 have me fign ? 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Only to perform your promife of mar- 
 riage. 
 
 Love. Well, well, let your lawyer draw it up then, 
 and mine fhall look it over. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. I believe my lawyer is in the houfe : I'll 
 go to him, and get it done inftantly ; and then we will 
 give this gentleman a final aniwer. I aflure you, he is 
 a very advantageous offer. [Exit. 
 
 Love. As I intend to marry this girl, there can be no 
 harm in figning the contract : her lawyer draws it up, 
 fo I (hall be at no expence ; for I can get mine to look 
 it over for nothing. I fhould have done very wifely 
 indeed, to have entitled her to a third of my fortune, 
 
 M* whereas
 
 THE MISER. 5 j 
 
 whereas I will not make her jointure above a tenth ! I 
 proteft, it is with fome difficulty that I have prcvail'd 
 with myfelf to put oft" the match: I am more in love, I 
 find, than I fufpefted. 
 
 Enter Lappet. 
 
 Lap. O unhappy, miferable creature that I am ! 
 what mail I do? whitaer mall I go? 
 
 Love. V/hat's the matter, Lappet ? 
 
 Lap. To have been innocently affifting in betraying 
 fo good a man ! fogood a mailer ! fo good a friend ! 
 
 Love. Lappet, I fay. 
 
 Lap. 1 mall never forgive myfelf, I (hall never 
 
 outlive it, I mail never eat, drink, fleep '[Runs 
 
 again jt him^ 
 
 Love. One would think you were walking in your 
 fleep now. What can be the meaning of this ? 
 
 Lap. O Sir! you are undone, Sir! and I am 
 
 undone ! 
 
 Love. How ! what ! has any one robb'd me ? have I 
 loft any thing ? 
 
 Lap. No, Sir; but you have got fomething. 
 
 Love. What? what? 
 
 Lap. A wife, Sir. 
 
 Lev. No, I have not yet but why 
 
 Lap. How ! Sir, are you not married ? 
 
 Love. No. 
 
 Lap. That is the happieft word I ever heard come out 
 of your mouth. 
 
 Love. I have, for fome particular reafons, put off the 
 match for a few days. 
 
 Lap. Yes, Sir ; and for fome particular reafons, you 
 {hall put off the match for a few years. 
 
 Love. What do you fay ? 
 
 Lap- O Sir ! this affair has almoft determin'd me 
 never to engage in matrimonial matters again. I have 
 been finely deceiv'd in this lady. I told you, Sir, me 
 had an eflate in a certain country ; but I find it is all a 
 cheat, Sir j the devil of any eftate has me. 
 
 Love. How ! not any eftate at all ! How can me live 
 then ? 
 
 Lap. Nay, Sir, Heaven knows how half the people 
 in this town live. 
 
 Lo-ce. However, it is an- excellent good quality in a 
 C 4 woman
 
 5 6 THE MISER. 
 
 woman to be able to live without an eftate. She that 
 can make fomething out of nothing, will make a little 
 go a great way. I am forry fhe has no fortune ; but 
 confidering all her faving qualities, Lappet 
 
 Lap, All an impofition, Sir : me is the moll extrava- 
 gant wretch upon earth. 
 
 Love. How ! how ! extravagant ! 
 
 Lap. I tell you, Sir, fhe is downright extravagance 
 itfelf. 
 
 ' Love. Can it be poffible, after what you told me ? 
 
 ' Lap. Alas ! Sir ! that was only a cloke thrown 
 * over her real inclinations.' 
 
 Love. How was it poffible for you to be fo deceiv'd 
 in her ? 
 
 Lap. Alas ! Sir, (he would have deceiv'd any one 
 upon earth, even youyourfelf; for, Sir, during a whole 
 fortnight, fince you have been in love with her, (he has 
 made it her whole bufmefs to conceal her extravagance, 
 . and appear thrifty. 
 
 Love. That is a good flgn tho' : Lappet, let me tell 
 you, that is a good fign ; right habits as well as wrong 
 are got by affecKng them. And fhe who could be thrifty 
 a whole fortnight, gives lively hopes that fhe may be 
 brought to be fo as long as fhe lives. 
 
 Lap. She loves play to diftra&ion : it is the only vi- 
 fible way in the world fhe has of a living. 
 
 Love. She muft win then, Lappet ; and play, when 
 people play the beft of tke game, is no fuch very bad 
 thing. Befides, as fhe plays only to fupport herfelf, 
 when fhe can be fupported without it, fhe may leave it 
 off. 
 
 Lap. To fupport her extravagance, in drefs particu- 
 larly ; why, don't you fee, Sir, fhe is drefs'd out to-day 
 like a princefs ? 
 
 Love. It may be an effeft of prudence in a young wo- 
 man to drefs, in order to get a hufband. And as that 
 is apparently her motive, when fhe is married that mo- 
 tive ceafes : and to fay the truth, fhe is in difcourfe a 
 very prudent young woman. 
 
 Lap. Think of her extravagance. 
 
 Love. A woman of the greatefl modefly ! 
 
 Lap. And extravagance. 
 
 Love. She has really a very fine fet of teeth. 
 
 Lap t
 
 THE MISER. 57 
 
 Lap. She will have all the teeth out of your head. 
 
 Love. I never faw finer eyes. 
 
 Lap. She will eat you out of houfe and home. 
 
 Love. Charming hair. 
 
 Lap. She will ruin you. 
 
 Love. Sweet kifling lips, fwelling breafls, and the 
 fineft fhape that ever was embraced. 
 
 [Catching Lappet in his arms. 
 
 Lap. O Sir ! I am not the lady. Was ever fuch an 
 
 old goat ! \_Afide.~\ Well, Sir, I fee you are determin'd on 
 the match, and fo I defire you wou'd pay me my wages. 
 I cannot bear to fee the ruin of a family in which I have 
 lived fo long, that I have contracted as great a friend- 
 fhip for it, as if it was my own : I can't bear to fee 
 wafte, riot, and extravagance ; to fee all the wealth a 
 poor, honeit, induftrious gentleman has been raifmg all 
 his life-time, fquander'd away in a year or two, in feafts, 
 balls, mufic, cards, clothes, jewels It would break my 
 heart, to fee my poor old mailer eat out by a fet of fing- 
 ers, fidlers, milliners, mantua-makers, mercers, toymen, 
 jewellers, fops, cheats, rakes To fee his guineas fly 
 about like duft; all his ready money paid in one 
 morning to one tradefman ; his whole ftock in the 
 funds (pent in one half year; all his land fwallowed 
 down in another ; all his old gold, nay, the very plate 
 which he has had in his family time out of mind, which 
 has defcended from father to fon ever fince the flood, to 
 fee even that difpofed of. What will they have next, I 
 wonder, when they have had all that he is worth in the 
 world, and left the poor old man without any thing to 
 furnifh his old age with the neceffaries of life Will 
 they be contented then ? or will they tear out his bow- 
 els, and eat them too ? [Both burfl into tears.] The laws 
 are cruel, to put it in the power of a wife to ruin her huf- 
 
 band in this manner And will any one tell me that 
 
 fuch a woman as this is handfome ? What are a pair 
 
 of fhining eyes, when they muft be bought with the lols 
 of all one's fhining old gold? 
 
 Love. O my poor old gold ! 
 
 Lap. Perhaps fhe has a fine fet of teeth. 
 Love. My poor plate, that I have hoarded with fo 
 much care! 
 
 C 5 Lap.
 
 58 THE MISER. 
 
 Lap. Or I'll grant fhe may have a moft beautiful 
 ihape. 
 
 Love, My dear land and tenements ! 
 
 Lap, What are the rofes on her cheeks, or lilies in 
 her neck ? 
 
 Love. My poor India bonds, bearing at leaft three 
 and a half per cent. 
 
 Lap, A fine excufe, indeed, when a man is ruined by 
 his wife, to tell us he has married a beauty ! 
 Enter Lawyer. 
 
 Law. Sir, the contract is ready : my client has fent 
 for the counfel on the other fide, and he is now below 
 examining it. 
 
 Love. Get you out of my doors, you villain, you and 
 your client too ! I'll contract you, with a pox ! 
 
 Law. Hey-day ! fure you are non compos mentis ! 
 
 Love. No, firrah ! I had like to have been nan compos 
 mentis ; but I have had the good luck to efcape it. Go ! 
 and tell your client I have difcover'd her : bid her take 
 her advantageous offer ; for I mall fign no contracts. 
 
 Laiv. This is the ftrangeft thing I have met with in 
 my whole courfe of practice. 
 
 Love. I am very much obliged to you, Lappet; in- 
 deed, I am very much obliged to you* 
 
 Lap. I am fure, Sir, I have a very great fatisfalHon 
 in ferving you ; and I hope you will confider of that 
 little affair that I mentioned to you to-day about my 
 law-fuit. 
 
 Love. I am very much obliged to you. 
 
 Lap. I hope, Sir, you won't fuffer me to be ruined, 
 when I have preferved you from it. 
 
 Love. Hey ! [Appearing deaf. 
 
 Lap. You know, Sir, that in Weftminfter-hall mo- 
 ney and right are always on the fame fide. 
 
 Love. Ay, fo they are ; very true, fo they are ; and 
 therefore no one" can take too much care of his mo- 
 ney. 
 
 Lap. The fmallefl matter of money, Sir, would do 
 me an infinite fervice. 
 
 Love. Hey! What? 
 
 Lap. A fmall matter of money, Sir, would do me a 
 great kindnefs. 
 
 Lovt*
 
 THE MISER. 59 
 
 Love. Oho ! I have a very great kindnefs for you ; 
 indeed I have a very great kindnefs for you. 
 
 Lap. Pox take your kindnefs ! I'm only lofing 
 time: there's nothing to be got out of him. So I'll 
 ev'n to Frederick, and fee what the report of my fuc- 
 eefs will do there. Ah ! would I were married to thee 
 myfelf! {Afide.} [Exit. 
 
 Love. What a prodigious efcape have I had ! I can- 
 not look at the precipice without being giddy. 
 Enter Ramilie. 
 
 Love. Who is that ? Oh, is it you, Sirrah? How dare 
 you enter within thefe walls ? 
 
 Ramil. Truly, Sir, I can fcarcely reconcile it to my- 
 felf: I think, after what has happened, you have no 
 great title to my friendfhip. But I don't know how it 
 is, Sir,, there is fomething or other about you which 
 ftrangely engages my affeciions, and which, together 
 with the friendship I have for your fon, won't let me 
 fufferyou to be impofed upon; and to prevent that, Sir, 
 is the whole and fole occafion of my coming within 
 your doors. Did not a certain lady, Sir, called Mrs. 
 Lappet, depart from you juft now ? 
 
 Love. What if (he did, Sirrah ? 
 
 Ramil. Has me not, Sir, been talking to you about 
 a young lady whofe name is Mariana ? 
 
 Love. Well, and what then ? 
 
 Ramil. Why, then, Sir, every fingle fyllable me has 
 told you has been, neither more nor lefs, than a moft 
 confounded lie ; as is, indeed, every word me fays : for 
 I don't believe, upon a modeft calculation, fhe has told 
 fix truths fince (he has been in the houfe. She is made 
 up of lies : her father was an attorney, and her mother 
 was chambermaid to a maid of honour. The firft word 
 flie fpoke was a lie, and fo will be the laft. I know fhe 
 has pretended a great affeclion for you, that's one lie j 
 and every thing fhe has faid of Mariana is another. 
 
 Love. How ! how! are you fure of this ? 
 
 Ramil. Why, Sir, fhe and I laid the plot together; 
 that one time, indeed, I myfelf was forced to deviate a 
 little from the truth ; but it was with a good defign : the 
 jade pretended to me that it was out of friendfhip to my 
 mailer ; that it was becaufe fhe thought fuch a match 
 would not be at all to his intercft: but, alas! Sir, I 
 C 6 know.
 
 60 THE MISER. 
 
 know her friendfhip begins and ends at home ; and that 
 me has friendfhip for no perfon living but herfelf. 
 Why, Sir, do but look at Mariana, Sir, and fee whe- 
 ther you can think her fuch a fort of woman as me has 
 defcribed her to you. 
 
 Love. Indeed me has appeared to me always in a dif- 
 ferent light. I do believe what you fay. This jade 
 has been bribed by my children to impofe upon me. 
 I forgive thee all that thou haft done, for this one 
 fervice. I will go deny all that I faid to the lawyer, 
 and put an end to every thing this moment. I knew it 
 was impoflible me could be fuch a fort of a woman. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Ramil. And I will go find out my matter, make him 
 the happieft of mankind, fqueeze his purfe, and then get 
 drunk for the honour of all party-coloured politicians. 
 
 SCENE the Hall. 
 Enter Frederick and Lappet. 
 
 Fred. Excellent Lappet ! I mall never think I have 
 
 fufficiently rewarded you for what you have done. 
 
 Lap. I have only done half the bufinefs yet. I have, 
 
 I believe, effe&ually broke off the match with your 
 
 father. Now, Sir, I mall make up the matter between 
 
 you and her. 
 
 Fred. Do but that, dear girl, and I'll coin myfelf 
 
 into guineas. 
 
 Lap. Keep yourfelf for your lady, Sir ; (he will take 
 
 all that fort of coin, I warrant her : as for me, I mall be 
 
 much more eafily contented. 
 
 Fred. But what hopes can'ft thou have? for I, alas ! 
 
 fee none. 
 
 Lap. O Sir! it is more eafy to make half a dozen 
 
 matches, than to break one! and, to fay the truth, it is 
 
 an office I myfelf like better. ' There is fomething, 
 methinks, fo pretty in bringing young people toge- 
 ther that are fond of one another. I proteft, Sir, 
 you will be a mighty handfome couple. How fond 
 will you be of a little girl the exatt pifture of her 
 mother ! and how fond will me be of a boy to put 
 her in mind of his father ! 
 
 Fred.
 
 THE MISER. 61 
 
 ' Fred. Death ! you jade, you have fir'd my imagi- 
 ' nation.' 
 
 Lap. But methinks I want to have the hurricane 
 begin, hugely: I am furpriz'd they are not all together 
 by the ears already. 
 
 Enter Ramilie. 
 
 Ramil. O Madam ! I little expecled to have found 
 you and my matter together, after what has happened : 
 I did not think you had the aflurance- 
 
 Fred. Peace, Ramilie ! all is well : and Lappet is 
 the bell friend I have in the world. 
 
 Ramil. Yes, Sir, all is well indeed ! no thanks to 
 her : happy is the mailer that has a good fervant ! a 
 good fervant is certainly the greateft treafure in this 
 world. I have done your bufinefs for you, Sir : I have 
 fruftrated all me has been doing, denied all me has 
 been telling him : In fhort, Sir, I obferved her lady- 
 Ihip in a long conference with the old gentleman, 
 mightily to your intereft, as you imagine. No fooner 
 was me gone, than I ftept in, and made the old gentle- 
 man believe every fingle fyllable fhe had told him, to 
 be a moll confounded lie: and away he is gone, fully 
 determined to put an end to the affair. 
 
 Lap. And fign the contract : fo now, Sir, you are 
 ruined without reprieve. 
 
 Fred. Death and damnation ! fool ! villain ! 
 
 Ramil. Heyday! what is the meaning of this? Have 
 I done any more than you commanded me ? 
 
 Fred. Nothing but my curs'd liars cou'd have con- 
 triv'd fo damn'd an accident. 
 
 Ramil. You cannot blame me, Sir, whatever has 
 happened. 
 
 Fred. I don't blame you, Sir, nor myfelf, nor any one: 
 Fortune has marked me out for mifery. But I will 
 be no longer idle : fince I am to be ruin'd, I'll meet 
 my deftru&ion. {Exit. 
 
 [Lappet and Ramilie jland fame timefilent, looking 
 at each other.] 
 
 Lap. I give you joy, Sir, of the fuccefs of your nego- 
 tiation : you have approv'd yourfelf a moft able perfon, 
 truly ! and I dare fwear, when your fkill is once known, 
 you will not want employment. 
 
 Ramil, Do not triumph, good Mrs. Lappet : a politi-
 
 62 THE MISER. 
 
 cian may make a blunder: I am fure no one can avoid 
 it, that is employ'd with you ; for you change fides fo 
 often, that 'tis impoflible to tell at any time which fide 
 you are on. 
 
 Lap. And pray, Sirrah, what was the occafion of 
 your betraying me to your matter ? for he has told me 
 all.' 
 
 Ramil. Confcience, confcience, Mrs. Lappet, the 
 great guide of all my aflions : I could not find in my 
 heart to let him lofe his miftrefs. 
 
 Lap. Your mafter is very much obliged to you, in- 
 deed, to lofe your own, in order to preferve his ! 
 henceforth I forbid all your addrefles ; I diibwn all obli- 
 gations ; I revoke all promifes: henceforth I would ad- 
 vife you never to open your lips to me ; for if you do, 
 it will be in vain : I fhall be deaf to all your little, 
 falfe, mean, treacherous, bafe infmuations. I would 
 have you know, Sir, a woman injur'd, as I am, never 
 can, nor ought to forgive. Never fee my face again. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Ramil. Huh ! now would fome lovers think them- 
 felves. very unhappy; but I, who have had experience 
 in the fex, am never frightened at the frowns of a mif- 
 trefs, nor ravim'd with her fmiles ; they both naturally 
 fucceed one another: and a woman, generally, is as 
 fure to perform what (he threatens, as fhe is what flic 
 promifes. But now I'll to my lurking-place. I'm fure 
 this old rogue has money hid in the garden : if I can 
 but difcover it, I fhall handfomely quit all fcores with 
 the old gentleman, and make my mafter a fufficient re>- 
 turn for the lofs of his miftrefs. [Exit. . 
 
 SCENE, Another apartment. 
 Frederick, Mrs. Wifely and Mariana. 
 
 Fred, No, Madam : I have no words to upbraid you 
 with, nor fhall I attempt it. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. I think, Sir, a refpeft to. your father mould 
 keep you now within the rules of decency : as for my 
 daughter, after what has happened, I think fhe cannot 
 expedtiton any other account. 
 
 Mar. Dear Mama, don't be ferious, when, I dare 
 fay, Mr. Frederick is in jeft. 
 
 Fred. This exceeds all you have done: to infult. the 
 
 perfon
 
 THE MISER. 63 
 
 perfon you have made miferable, is more cruel than 
 having made him fo. 
 
 Mar. Come, come, you may not be fo miferable as 
 you expeft. I know the word mother-in-law has a ter- 
 rible found ; but perhaps I may make a better than you 
 imagine. Believe me, you will fee a change in this 
 houfe, which will not be difagreeable to a man of Mr. 
 Frederick's gay temper. 
 
 Fred. All changes to me are henceforth equal. When 
 Fortune robbed me of you, fhe made her utmoft ef- 
 fort : I now defpife all in her power. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. I muft infill, Sir, on your behaving in a 
 different manner to my daughter. The world is apt to 
 be cenforious. O heavens ! 1 fhudder at the appre- 
 henfions of having a reflection caft on my family, which, 
 has hitherto pafs'd unblemifhed. 
 
 Fred. \ mall take care, Madam, to fhun any pofli- 
 bility of giving you fuch a fear ; for from this night 1 
 never will behold thofe dear, thofe fatal eyes again. 
 
 ' Mar. Nay, that I am fure will caft a reflection 
 ' on me. What a perfon will the world think me to 
 * be, when you cou'd not live with me ? 
 
 ' Fred. Live with you ! O Mariana ! thofe words 
 ' bring back a thoufand tender ideas to my mind. 
 ' Oh ! had that been my blefs'd fortune ! 
 
 * Mrs. Wife. Let me beg, Sir, you would keep a greater 
 f diftance. The young fellows of this age are fo rampant, 
 ' that even degrees of kindred cannot reftrain them. 
 
 ' Fred. There are yet no fuch degrees between us.* 
 O Mariana ! while it is in your power, while the ir- 
 revocable wax remains unftamp'd, confider, and do not 
 leal my ruin. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Come with me, daughter : you mail not 
 Hay a moment longer with him a rude fellow ! 
 
 [Exeunt Mrs. Wifely and Mariana. 
 Enter Ramilie. 
 
 Ramil. Follow me, Sir, follow me this inftant. 
 
 Fred. What's the matter ? 
 
 Ramil. Follow me, Sir : we are in the right box j 
 the bufinefs is done. 
 
 Fred. What done? 
 
 Ramil. I have it under my arm, Sir here it is \ 
 
 Fred. What? what? 
 
 Ratil.
 
 64 THE MISER. 
 
 Ramil. Your father's foul, Sir, his money Follow 
 me, Sir, this moment, before we are overtaken. 
 
 Fred. Ha! thismaypreferveme yet. {Exeunt. 
 
 Enter Lovegold in the utmofl diftrattion. 
 
 Thieves! thieves! artaffination ! murder! I am un- 
 done ! all my money is gone ! who is the thief? where 
 is the villain ? where mail I find him ? Give me my 
 money again, villain. {Catchinghimfelf by the arm.] lam 
 diftra&ed ! I know not where I am, nor what I am, nor 
 what I do. O my money, my money ! Ha ! what fay 
 you ? Alack-a-day ! here is no one. The villain muft 
 have watch'd his time carefully ; he muft have done it 
 
 while I was figning that d n'd contract. I will go 
 
 to a Juftice, and have all my'houfe put to their oaths, my 
 fervants, my children, my miftrefs, and myfelf too; 
 all the people in the houfe, and in the ftreet, and in 
 the town : I will have them all executed ; I will hang 
 all the world; and if I don't find my money, I will hang 
 myfelf afterwards. [Exit* 
 
 ACTV. SCENE/** Hall. 
 
 ' Several Servants. 
 
 f James. ' I ^ HERE will be rare doings now \ 
 JL. ' Madam's an excellent woman, faith ! 
 
 * things won't go as they have done : me has order'd 
 ' fomething like a fupper; here will be victuals 
 ' enough for the whole town. 
 
 ' Thomas. She's a fweet-humour'd lady, I can tell 
 
 * you that. I have had a very good place on't with 
 
 * her. You will have no more ufe for locks and keys 
 ' in this houfe, now. 
 
 ^ James. This is the luckieft day I ever faw : as foon 
 
 * as fupper is over, I will get drunk to her good 
 ' health, I am refolv'd ; and that's more than ever I 
 ' could have done here before. 
 
 ' Thomas. You Ihan't want liquor, for here are ten 
 
 * hogfheads of ftrong beer coming in. 
 
 1 James. Blefs her heart ! good lady ! I wifh me had 
 a better bridegroom. 
 
 ' Thomas. Ah ! never mind that, he has a good purfe : 
 ' and for other things, let her alone, mafter James. 
 
 Wbeed*
 
 THE MISER. 65 
 
 ' Wbeed. Thomas, you muft go to Mr. Mixture's the 
 ' wine-merchant, and order him to fend twelve dozen 
 ' of his belt Champaigne, twelve dozen of Burgundy, 
 ' and twelve dozen of Hermitage. And you muft call 
 ' at the wax-chandler's, and bid him fend in a cheft of 
 
 * candles ; and at Lambert's the confeftioner in Pall- 
 ' Mall, and order the fineft defert he can furnifh ; 
 ' and you, Will, muft go to Mr. Gray's, the horfe- 
 ' jockey, and order him to buy my lady three of the 
 ' fineft geldings for her coach, to-morrow morning; 
 ' and here, you muft take this roll, and invite all the 
 
 * people in it to fupper j then you muft go to the 
 ' playhoufe in Drury-Lane, and engage all the mufic, 
 ' for my lady intends to have a ball. 
 
 ' James. O brave Mrs. Wheedle ! here are fine times ! 
 
 ' Wheed. My lady defires that fupper may be kept 
 c back as much as poffible ; and if you can think of 
 ' any thing to add to it, fhe defires you would. 
 
 ' James. She is the beft of ladies. 
 
 ' Wheed. So you will fay when you know her better : 
 ' fhe has thought of nothing, ever fmce matters have 
 ' been made up between her and your mafter, but how 
 
 * to lay out as much money as fhe could ; we fhall 
 
 ' all have rare places. 
 
 ' James. I thought to have given warning to-mor- 
 ' row morning, but I believe I mall not be in hafte now. 
 
 ' Wbeed. See what it is to have a woman at the 
 ' head of the houfe. But here me comes. Go you 
 ' into the kitchen, and fee that all things be in the 
 ' niceft order. 
 
 ' James. I am ready to leap out of my fldn for joy ! ' 
 
 [Exeunt all but Mrs.Wheedle. 
 Enter Mariana, Upholfterer, and Mrs. Wifely. 
 
 ' Mar. Wheedle, have you difpatched the fervants 
 f according to my orders ? 
 
 Wbeed. Yes, Madam.' 
 
 Mar. You will take care, Mr. Furnifh, and let me 
 have thofe two beds with the utmoft expedition ? 
 
 Upbol. I mail take a particular care, Madam. I 
 fhall put them both in hand to-morrow morning ; ' I 
 ' mail put off fome work, Madam, on that account. 
 
 ' Mar. That tapeftry in the dining-room does not at 
 all pleafe me. 
 
 ' Vphl.
 
 66 THE MISER. 
 
 ' Uphol. Your ladyfhip is very much in the right, 
 ' Madam : it is quite out of fafhion : EO one hangs a 
 ' room now with tapeftry. 
 
 ' Mar. Oh ! I have the greateft fondnefs for tapeftry in 
 ' the world ! you muft pofitively get me fome of a 
 ' newer pattern. 
 
 ' Uphol. Truly, Madam, as you fay, tapeftry is one 
 c of the prettieft forts of furniture for a room that I 
 ' know of. I believe I can fhew you fome that will 
 ' pleafe you.' 
 
 Mrs. Wife. I proteft, child, I can't fee any reafon for 
 this alteration. 
 
 Mar. Dear Mama, let me have my will. There is 
 not any one thing in the whole houfe that I mail be 
 able to leave in it, every thing has fo much of anti- 
 quity about it ; and I cannot endure the fight of any 
 thing that is not perfectly modern. 
 
 Vpbol. Your ladyfhip is in the right, Madam : there 
 is no poffibility of being in the fafhion without new- 
 furnifhing a houfe, at leaft once in twenty years ; and 
 indeed to be at the very top of the fafhion, you will 
 have need of almoft continual alterations. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. That is an extravagance I would never 
 fubmit to. I have no notion of deftroying one's goods 
 before they are half worn out, by following the ridicu- 
 lous whims of two or three people of quality. 
 
 Uphol. Ha! ha! Madam, I believe her ladyfhip is 
 of a different opinion I have many a fet of goods ea- 
 tirely whole, that I would be very loth to put into your 
 hands. 
 
 Enter Mercer and Jeweller. 
 
 Mar. O Mr. Sattin ! have you brought thofe gold 
 fluffs I ordered you ? 
 
 Merc. Yes, Madam, I have brought your ladyfliip 
 fome of the fineft patterns that were ever made. 
 
 Mar. Well, Mr. Sparkle, have you the necklace 
 and ear-rings with you ? 
 
 Jewel. Yes, Madam ; and I defy any jeweller iit 
 town to fhew you their equals : they are, I think, the 
 fineft water I ever faw : they are finer than the 
 Dutchefs of Glitter's, which have been fo much ad- 
 mired : I have brought you a folitaire too, Madam : 
 iny lady RafHe bought the fellow of it yefterday. 
 
 Mar.
 
 THE MISER. 67 
 
 Mar. Sure, it has a flaw in it, Sir. 
 
 Jewel. Has it, Madam ? then there never was a bril- 
 liant without one : I am fure, Madam, I bought it for 
 n good ftone, and if it be not a gcod {tone, you (hall 
 have it for nothing. 
 
 Enter Lovegold. 
 
 Love. It's loft, it's gone, it's irrecoverable : I fhall 
 never fee it more ! 
 
 Mar. And what will be the loweft price of the neck- 
 lace and ear-rings ? 
 
 Jewel. If you were my fifter, Madam, I could not 
 'bate you one farthing of three thoufand guineas. 
 
 Love. What do you fay of three thoufand guineas, 
 villain ? Have you my three thoufand guineas ? 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Blefs me, Mr. Lovegold! what's the 
 matter ? 
 
 Love. I am undone ! I am ruined ! my money is 
 ftolen ! my dear three thoufand guineas, that I received 
 but yefterday, are taken away from the place I had put 
 them in, and I mail never fee them again ! 
 
 Mar. Don't let them make you uneafy, you may 
 poffibly recover them j or if you mould not, the lofs 
 is but a trifle. 
 
 Love. How ! a trifle ! do you call three thoufand 
 guineas a trifle ? 
 
 Mrs. Wife. She fees you fo difturbed, that me is wil- 
 ling to make as light of your lofs as poflible, in order to 
 comfort you. 
 
 Love. To comfort me ! Can me comfort me by call- 
 ing three thoufand guineas a trifle ? But tell me, what 
 were you faying of them ? Have you feen them ? 
 
 Jewel. Really, Sir, I do not underftand you : I was 
 telling the lady the piice of a necklace and a pair of 
 ear-rings, which were as cheap at three thoufand gui- 
 neas as 
 
 Love. How ! what ? what ? 
 
 Mar. I can't think them very cheap. However, I 
 am refolved to have them ; fo let him have the money. 
 Sir, if you pleafe. 
 
 Love, ?I am in a dream ! 
 
 Mar. You will be paid immmediately, Sir. Well, 
 Mr. Sattin, and pray what is the higheft-priced gold 
 fluff you have brought . ? 
 
 Mer,
 
 68 THE MISER. 
 
 Mer. Madam, I have one of twelve pounds a yard. 
 Mar. It mult be pretty at that price. Let me have 
 a gown and petticoat cut off. 
 
 Love. You mail cut off my head firfl. What are you 
 doing ? are you mad ? 
 
 Mar. I am only preparing a proper drefs to appear in 
 as your wife. 
 
 Love. Sirrah, offer to open any of your pick-pocket 
 trinkets here, and I'll make an example of you. 
 
 Mar. Mr. Lovegold, give me leave to tell you, this is 
 a behaviour I don't underftand. You give me a fine 
 pattern before marriage of the ufage I am to expedl 
 after it ! 
 
 Love. Here are fine patterns of what I am to expe& 
 after it ! 
 
 Mar. I aflure you, Sir, I mall infift on all the pri- 
 vileges of an Englifh wife. I mall not be taught to 
 drefs by my hufband. I am myfelf the belt judge of 
 what you can afford ; and if I do ftretch your purfe a 
 little, it is for your own honour, Sir. The world will 
 know it is your wife that makes fuch a figure. 
 Love. Can you bear to hear this, Madam ? 
 Mrs. Wife. I mould not countenance my daughter in 
 any extravagance, Sir; ' but the honour of my family, 
 as well as yours, is concern'd in her appearing hand- 
 fomely. Let me tell you, Mr, Lovegold, the whole 
 world is very fenfible of your fondnefs for money : I 
 think it a very great blefling to you, that you have 
 met with a woman of a different temper, one who 
 will preferve your reputation in the world whether you 
 will or no. Not that I would infmuate to you, that 
 my daughter,' me will ever run you into unneceffary 
 cxpences ; fo far from it, that if you will but gene- 
 roufly make her a prefent of five thoufand pounds to 
 fit herfelf out at firfl in clothes and jewels, I dare fwear 
 you will not have any other demand on thofe accounts 
 
 I don't know when. 
 
 Mar. No, unlefs a birth-night flm or two, I mail 
 fcarce want anything more this twelvemonth. 
 
 Love. I am undone, plundered, murdered ! However, 
 there is one comfort, I am not married yet. 
 
 Mar. And free to choofe whether you will marry at 
 all, or no. 
 
 Mrs.
 
 THE MISER, 69 
 
 Mrs. Wife. The confequence, you know, will be no 
 more than a poor ten thoiifand pound, which is all the 
 forfeiture of the breach of contract. 
 
 Love. But, Madam, I have one way yet. I have 
 not bound my heirs and executors ; and fo, if I hang 
 
 myfelf, I am off the bargain In the mean while I'll 
 
 try if 1 cannot rid my houfe of this neft of thieves. 
 Get out of my doors, you cutpurfes. 
 
 Jewel. Pay me for my jewels, Sir, or return 'em 
 me. 
 
 Love. Give him his baubles ; give them him. 
 Alar. I (hall not, I affure you. You need be under 
 no apprehenfion, Sir : you fee Mr. Lovegold is a little 
 difordered at prefent; but if you come to-morrow, you 
 lhall have your money. 
 
 Jewel. I'll depend on your ladyfhip, Madam. [Exit. 
 Love. Who the devil are you ? What have you to 
 do here ? 
 
 Upbol. I am an upholfterer, Sir ; and come to new- 
 furnifh your houfe. 
 
 Love. Out of my doors this inftant, or I will disfur- 
 nifh your head for you : I'll beat out your brains. 
 
 [Exit Upbol. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Sure, Sir, you are mad. 
 Love. I was when I fign'd the contract. Oh ! that 
 I had never learnt to write my name ! 
 
 Enter Charles' Bubbleboy. 
 Cha. Your moil obedient fervant, Madam. 
 Lave. Who are you, Sir? What do you want here ? 
 Cha. Sir, my name is Charles Bubbleboy. 
 Love. What's your bufinefs ? 
 
 Cba. Sir, I was ordered to bring fome fnuff-boxes 
 and rings. Will you pleafe, Sir, to look at that fnuff- 
 box ? there is but one perfon in England, Sir, can, 
 work in this manner. If he was but as diligent as he 
 is able, he would get an immenfe eftate, Sir ; if he 
 had an hundred thoufand hands, I could keep them 
 all-employed. I have brought you a pair of new in- 
 vented fnuffers too, Madam. Be pleas'd to look at 
 them ; they are my own invention : the niceit lady in 
 the world may make ufe of them. 
 ' Love. Who the devil fent for you, Sir ? 
 ' Mar. I fent for him, Sir. 
 
 Cba.
 
 70 THE M I S E R. 
 
 ' Cba. Yes, Sir, I was told it was a lady fent for me. 
 ' Will you pleafe, Madam, to look at the fnuff-boxes 
 ' or rings firft ? 
 
 ' Love. Will you pleafe to go to the devil, Sir, firft, 
 ' or mail I fend you ? 
 
 ' Cba. Sir! 
 
 ' Love. Get you out of my houfe this inftant, or I'll 
 ' break your fnuff-boxes, and your bones too. 
 
 ' Cba. Sir, I was fent for, or I mould not have 
 ' come. Charles Bubbleboy does not want cuftom. 
 ' Madam, your moft obedient fervant.' [Exit. 
 
 Mar. I fuppofe, Sir, you expefl to be finely fpoken 
 of abroad, for this : you will get an excellent character 
 in the world by this behaviour. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. Is this your gratitude to a woman who 
 has refufed fo much better offers on your account ? 
 
 Love. Oh! wou'd fhe had taken them! Give me 
 up my contrail, and I will gladly refign all right and 
 title whatfoever. 
 
 Mrs. Wife. It is too late now, the gentlemen have had 
 their anfwers : a good offer once refufed, is not to be 
 had again. 
 
 Wbeed. Madam, the taylor, whom your lady/hip fent 
 for, is come. 
 
 Mar. Bid him come in. This is an inftance of the 
 regard I have for you. I have fent for one of the beft 
 taylors in town to make you a new fuit of clothes, that 
 you may appear like a gentleman ; for as it is for your 
 honour that I mould be well drefs'd, fo it is for mine 
 that you mould. Come, Madam, we will go in and 
 give further orders concerning the entertainment. 
 
 \Exeunt all but Lovegold. 
 Enter Lift. 
 
 Love. O Lappet, Lappet ! the time thou haft pro- 
 phefy'd of, is come to pafs. 
 
 Lift. I am your honour's moft humble fervant. My 
 name is Lift. I prefume I am the perfon you fent for 
 the laceman will be here immediately. Will your 
 honour be pleafed to be taken meafure of firft, or look 
 over the patterns : if you pleafe, we will take meafure 
 firft. I do not know, Sir, who was fo kind as to recom- 
 mend me to you, but I believe I mall give you entire 
 fatisfadlion. I may defy any taylor in England to un- 
 
 derftand
 
 THE MISER. 71 
 
 derftand the faftrion better than myfelf ; the thing is 
 impoffible, Sir. I always vifit France twice a year ; and 
 
 tho' I fay it, that mould not fay it Stand upright, if 
 
 you pleafe, Sir 
 
 Love. I'll take meafure of your back, firrah I'll 
 
 teach fuch pickpockets as you are, to come here 
 Out of my doors, you villain. 
 
 Lift. Heyday ! Sir, did you fend for me for this, Sir ? 
 I mall bring you in a bill without any clothes. [Exit* 
 ' Enter James and Porter. 
 
 ' Love, Where are you going ? What have you 
 
 there ? 
 
 ' James. Some fine wine, Sir, that my lady fent for 
 ' to Mr. Mixture's But, Sir, it will be impoffible for 
 ' me to get fupper ready by twelve, as it is ordered, un- 
 ' lefs I have more affiftance. I want half a dozen 
 ' kitchens too. The very wild-fowl that my lady has 
 ' fent for, will take up a dozen fpits. 
 
 ' Lov. Oh! oh ! it is in vain to oppofeit: her extra- 
 ' vagance is like a violent fire, that is no fooner Hopped 
 ' in one place, than it breaks out in another. [Drums 
 f beat without. ~\ Ha! what is the meaning of this ? 
 f Is my houfe befieged r Would they would fet it on, 
 ' fire, and burn all in it. 
 
 ' Drum. [Without.] Heavens blefsyour honour ! 'fquire 
 Lovegold, Madam Lovegold; long life and happi- 
 
 ' nefs, and many children attend you and fo God 
 
 ' fave the King. [Drums beat. 
 
 ' [Lovegold goes cut, and foon after the drum ceafes. 
 
 ' James. So he has quieted the drums, I find This 
 ' is the roguery of fome well-wifhing neighbours of his. 
 
 Well, we mall foon fee which will get the better, my 
 ' mafter or my miitrefs. If my mafter does, away go 
 ' I ; if my miftrefs, I'll flay while there is any houfe- 
 ' keeping, which can't be long; for the riches of my 
 ' lord mayor will never hold out at this rate. 
 
 ' Enter Lovegold. 
 
 ' Love. James ! I mall be deftroy'd ; in one week I 
 ' mail not be worth a groat upon earth. Go, fend all 
 ' the provifions back to the tradefmen ; put out all the 
 ' fires ; leave not fo much as a candle burning. 
 
 ' James. Sir, I don't know how to do it : Madam 
 ' commanded me, and I dare not difobey her. 
 
 Love.
 
 72 THE MISER. 
 
 Love. How ! not when I command thee ! 
 
 ' James. I have loft feveral places, Sir, by obeying 
 
 * the matter again ft the miftrefs ; but never loft one by 
 ' obeying the miftrefs againft the matter. Befides, Sir, 
 ' me is fo good and generous a lady, that it would go 
 ' againft my very heart to offend her. 
 
 ' Love. The devil take her generosity ! 
 
 ' James. And I don't believe me has provided one 
 ' morfel more than will be eat : why, Sir, me has in- 
 ' vited above five hundred people to fupper ; within 
 
 this hour, your houfe will be as full as Weftminfter- 
 
 ' hall the laft day of term But I have no time to 
 
 ' lofe. [Exit. 
 
 < Lew. Oh ! Oh ! What mail I do ? 
 Enter Lappet. 
 
 Lap. Where is my poor mafter ? O Sir ! I cannot 
 exprefs the affliction I am in to fee you devoured in this 
 manner. How cou'd you, Sir, when I told you what 
 a woman me was ? how cou'd you undo yourfelf with 
 your eyes open ? 
 
 Love. Poor Lappet ! had I taken your advice, I had 
 been happy. 
 
 Lap. And I too, Sir ; for alack-a-day, I am as 
 miferable ?.s you are : I feel every thing for you, 
 Sir; indeed, I mail break my heart upon your ac- 
 count. 
 
 Love. I fhall be much obliged to you if you do, Lap- 
 pet. 
 
 Lap. How could a man of your fenfe, Sir, marry 
 in fo precipitate a manner ? 
 
 Love . I am not married ; I am not married. 
 
 Lap. Not married ! 
 
 Love. No, no, no. 
 
 Lap. All's fafe yet. No man is quite undone till he 
 is married. 
 
 Love. I am, I am undone. O Lappet ! I cannot 
 tell it thee. I have given her a bond, a bond, a bond 
 of ten thoufand pounds to marry her. 
 
 Lap. You fhall forfeit it, 
 
 Love. Forfeit what ? My life, and foul, and blood, 
 and heart. 
 
 Lap. You fhall forfeit it 
 
 Live. I'll be buried alive fooner ; no, I am deter- 
 o ' mined
 
 THE MISER. 73 
 
 mined I'll many herfirft, and hang myfelf afterwards 
 ' to fave my money. 
 
 ' Lap. I fee, Sir, you are undone ; and if you mould 
 
 * hang yourfelf, I could not blame you. 
 
 Lov. Could I but fave one thoufand by it, I would 
 ' hang myfelf with all my foul. Shall I live to die 
 
 * not worth a groat?' 
 
 * Lap. Oh ! my poor matter ! my poor matter ! 
 
 * [Exit crying.' 
 
 Love. Why did not I die a year ago ? what a deal 
 had I fav'd by dying a year ago ! \A noife 'without.'] 
 Oh ! oh ! dear Lappet, fee what it is : I mall be un- 
 done in an hour Oh ! 
 
 Enter Clermont richly dreffd. 
 
 Love. What is here ? Some of the people who are to 
 eat me up ? 
 
 Cler. Don't you know me, Sir ? 
 
 Love. Know you ! Ha ! What is the meaning of this ? 
 
 Oh ! it is plain, it is too plain ; my money has 
 
 paid for all this finery. Ah ! bafe wretch ! could I 
 have fufpedled you of fuch an adlion, of lurking in my 
 hoafe to ufe me in fuch a manner ? 
 
 Cler. Sir, I am come to confefs the faft to you ; and 
 if you will but give me leave to reafon with you, 
 you will not find yourfelf fo much injured as you 
 imagine. 
 
 Love. Not inuured ! when you have ftolen away my 
 blood ! 
 
 Cler. Your blood is not fallen into bad hands ; I am 
 a gentleman, Sir. 
 
 Low. Here's impudence ! a fellow robs me, and tells 
 me he is a gentleman. Tell me who tempted you t 
 it? 
 
 Cler. Ah, Sir ! need I fay love. 
 
 Love. Love ! 
 
 Cler. Yes, love, Sir. 
 
 Love. Very pretty love, indeed ! the love of my gui- 
 neas. 
 
 ' Cler. Ah, Sir, think not fo. Do but grant me the 
 ' free pofleflion of what I have, and, by Heaven, I'll 
 ' never aflc you more. 
 
 ' Love. Oh, moft unequall'd impudence ! Was ever 
 
 * fo modeft a requeft ! 
 
 D Cler,
 
 7* THE MISER. 
 
 ' Cler. All your efforts to feparate us will be vain 
 ' we have fworn never to forfake each other ; and no- 
 ' thing but death can part us. 
 
 ' Love. I don't quelUon, Sir, the very great affection 
 ' on your fide :' but I believe I ihall find methods to 
 
 recover 
 
 Cler. By Heavens ! I'll die in defending my right j 
 and if that were the cafe, think not, when I am gone, 
 you ever could poffefs what you have robb'd me of. 
 
 Love. Ha ! that's true ; he may find ways to prevent 
 the refloring it. Well, well, let me delight my eyes at 
 leaft ; let me fee my treafure, and perhaps I may give 
 it you : perhaps I may. 
 
 ' Cler. Then I am blefl ! Well may you fay treafure : 
 ' for to poffefs that treafure is to be rich indeed. 
 
 ' Love. Yes, truly I think three thoufand pounds 
 ' may well be call'd a treafure. Go, go, fetch it hi- 
 
 ' ther ; perhaps I may give it you fetch it hither.' 
 
 Cler. To fhew you, Sir, the confidence I place in 
 you, I will fetch hither all that I love and adore. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Love. Sure never was fo impudent a fellow ! to con- 
 fefs his robbery before my face, and defire to keep what 
 he has ftolen, as if he had a right to it. 
 
 Enter Lappet. 
 
 Love. O Lappet ! what's the matter ? 
 Lap. O Sir! I am fcarce able to tell you. It is 
 fpread about the town that you are married, and your 
 wife's creditors are coming in whole flocks. There is 
 one fingle debt for five thoufand pounds, which an at- 
 torney is without to demand. 
 
 Love. Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! let them cut my throat. 
 . Lap. Think what an efcape you have had ! think, if 
 
 you had married her 
 
 Love. I am as bad as married to her. 
 
 Lap. It is impoflible, Sir ; nothing can be fo bad : 
 
 what, you are to pay her ten thoufand pounds ? 
 
 Well and ten thoufand pounds are a fum ; they are 
 
 a fum, I own it they are a fum ; but what is fuch a 
 fura, compared with fuch a wife ? Had you married 
 her, in one week you wou'd have been in a piifon, 
 
 Sir 
 
 6 love.
 
 THE MISER. 75 
 
 Lcve. If I am, I can keep ray money : they can't 
 take that from me. 
 
 ' Lap. Why, Sir, you will lofe twice the value of 
 ' your contract before you know how to turn yourfelf ; 
 * and if you have no value for liberty, yet consider, Sir, 
 ' fuch is the great goodnels of our laws, that a prilon 
 is one of the dearelt places you can live in. 
 
 ' Love. Ten thoufand pounds ! No I'll be hang'd, 
 ' I'll be hang'd !' 
 
 Lap. Suppofc, Sir, it were pofiible (not that I be- 
 lieve it is) but fuppofe it were poffible to make her 
 abate a little ; fuppofe one could bring her to eight 
 thoufand 
 
 Lo<ve. Eight thoufand devils take her 
 
 Lap. But, dear Sir, connder; nay, confider imme- 
 diately ; for every minute you lofe, you lofe a fum 
 Let me beg you, intreat you, my dear good Mailer, let 
 me prevail on you not to be ruin'd. Be refolute, Sir, 
 confider every guinea you give faves you a fcore. 
 
 Lowe. Weil, if ihe will con fen t to, to, to eight hun- 
 dred But try, do, try if you can make her 'bate 
 
 any thing of that if you can you fhall have a twen- 
 tieth part of what ihe 'bates for yourfelf. 
 
 Lap. Why, Sir, if I could get you off at eight thou- 
 fand, you ought to leap out of your fkin for joy. 
 
 Love. Would I were out of my fkin 
 
 Lap. You will have more reafon to wifh fo, when you 
 are in the hands of bailiffs for your wife's debts 
 
 Lc<ve. Why was I begotten ! Why was I born ! Why 
 was I brought up ! Why was I not knock'd o'th' head, 
 before I knew the value of money ! 
 
 Lap* \_Knocking without.] So, fo, more duns, I fup- 
 
 pofe Go but into the kitchen, Sir, or the hall, 
 
 and it will have a better effecl on you than all I can 
 fay. 
 
 Love. What have I brought myfelf to! what fliall I 
 do! part with eight thou fund pounds ! mifery, deilruc- 
 tion, beggary, prifons ! but then on the other fide are 
 wife, ruin, chains, flavery, torment ! 1 fliall run diilracled 
 either way ! [Exit Lovej. old. 
 
 Lap. Ah! would we could once prove you ib^'you 
 eld covetous good-for-nothing! 
 
 D Z Enter
 
 76 THE MISER. 
 
 Enter Mariana. 
 
 Mar. Well, what fuccefs ? 
 
 Lap. It is impoflible to tell : he is juft gone into 
 the kitchen, where, if he is not irighten'd into our 
 defign, I fhall begin to defpair. They fay fear 
 will make a coward brave ; but nothing can make 
 him generous : the very fear of lofing ail he is worth 
 will fcaree bring him to part with a penny. 
 
 Mar. And have you acquainted neither Frederick 
 nor Harriet with my intentions ? 
 
 '"Lap. Neither, I aflure you. Ah, Madam, had I 
 not been able to have kept a fecret, I had never brought 
 about thofe affairs that I have. Were I not fecret, Lud 
 have mercy upon many a virtuous woman's reputation 
 in this town ! 
 
 Mar. And don't you think I have kept my real in- 
 tentions very fecret ? 
 
 Lap. From every one but me, I believe you have. I 
 /fure you I knew them long before you fent for me this 
 afternoon to difcover them to me. 
 
 Mar. But could you bring him to no terms, no pro- 
 pofals ? Did he make no offer ? 
 
 Lap. It mult be all done at once, and while you 
 are by. 
 
 Mar. So you think he muft fee me, to give any thing 
 to be rid of me. 
 
 Lap. Hufh, hufh, I hear him coming again. 
 Enter Lovegold. 
 
 Love. I am undone 1 I am undone ! I am eat 
 up ! I am devour'd ! I have an army of cooks in my 
 houfe. 
 
 Lap. Dear Madam, confider, I know eight thoufand 
 pounds are a trifle. I know they are nothing ; my 
 mafter can very well afford them; they will make no 
 hole in his purfe : and if you mould lland out, you will 
 get more. 
 
 Love. [Putting his hand Icfore Lappet's moutb.~\ You 
 lie, you lie, you lie, you lie, you lie. She never could 
 get more, never mould get more : it is more than I am 
 worth ; it is an immenfe fum ; and I will be ftarv'd, 
 drown'd, fhot, hang'd, burnt, before I part with a 
 penny of it. 
 
 Lap, For Heaven's fake, Sir, you will ruin all 
 
 Madam,
 
 THE MISER. 
 
 Madam, let me beg you, intreat you, to 'bate thefe 
 two thoufand pounds. Suppofe a law-fuit fhould be 
 the confequence, I know my mailer would be caft ; 
 I know it would coft him an immenfe fum of money, 
 and that he would pay the charges of both in the end ; 
 but you might be kept out of it a long time. Eight 
 thoufand pounds now, are better than ten five years 
 hence. 
 
 Mar. No, the fatisfa&ion of my revenge on a man 
 who bafely departs from his word, will make me 
 amends for the delay ; and whatever I fuffer, as long 
 <.s I know his ruin will be the confequence, I fhall be 
 eafy. 
 
 Love. Oh, bloody-minded wretch ! 
 
 Lap. Why, Sir, lince fce infifts on it, what does it 
 fignify ? you know you are in her power, and it will 
 be only throwing a-.vay more money to be compell'd to 
 it at laft : get rid of her at once : what are two thou- 
 fand pounds r why, Sir, the Court of Chancery will eat 
 ic up for a breakfaft. It has been given for a millrefs, 
 and will YOU not give it to be rid of a wife ? 
 
 [Wbi/pers Lovegold. 
 ' En: cr Thomas and James. 
 
 ' [Lovegold and Lappet talk apart, 
 
 ' Tho. Madam, the mufic are come which your lady- 
 c (hip order'd ;-and moil of the company will be here 
 ' immediately. 
 
 * James. Where will your ladymip be pleas'd the 
 ' fervants ihall eat ! for there is no room in the houfe 
 ' that will be large enough to entertain 'em. 
 
 ' Mar. Then beat down the partition, and turn two. 
 ' rooms into one. 
 
 ' 'James. There is no fervice in the houfe proper for 
 ' t!u deiert, Madam. 
 
 ' Ivlar. Send immediately to the great china fhop 
 ' in the Strand for the fmeit that is there. 
 
 ' [Exeunt Servant!.' 
 
 Love. How! and will you fwear a robbery agaiult 
 her ? that fhe robb'd me of what I mall give her ? 
 
 Lap. Depend on it, Sir. 
 
 Love. I'll break open a bureau, to make it look the 
 more likely. 
 
 Lap. Do fo, Sir, but lofe no time : give it her this 
 D 3 moment.
 
 7 THE MISER. 
 
 moment. Madam, my mafter has confented, and, if 
 you have the contrail, he is ready to pay the money. 
 Be fure to break open the bureau, Sir. 
 Mar. Here is the contract. 
 
 Love. I'll fetch the money. It is all I am worth in 
 the world. [Exit Lovegold. 
 
 Mar. Sure he will never be brought to it yet. 
 Lap. I warrant him. But you are to pay dearer for 
 it than you imagine ; for I am to fwcar a robbery againft 
 you. What will you give me, Madam, to buy off my 
 evidence ? 
 
 Mar. And is it poffible that the old rogue would 
 confent to fuch villany ? 
 
 Lap. Ay, Madam, for half that fum he would hang 
 half the town. But, truly, I can never be made a- 
 mends for all the pains I have taken on your account. 
 Were I to receive a fmgle guinea a lye, for every one 
 t have told this day, it would make me a pretty toler- 
 able fortune. Ah ! Madam ! what a pity it is that a 
 woman of my excellent talent fhould be confined to fo 
 low a fphere of life as I am ! had I been born a great 
 lady, what a deal of good fhould I have done in the 
 world ! 
 
 Enter Lovegold. 
 
 Love. Here, here they are all in bank-notes 
 
 all the money I am worth in the world. (I have fent 
 
 for a conflable ; Ihe muft not go out of fight before 
 we have her taken into cuftody) \_Afide to Lappet. 
 
 Lap. [To Lovegold.] You have done very wifely. 
 Mar. There, Sir, is your contract. And now, Sir, 
 I have nothing to do but to make myfelf as eafy as I can 
 in my lofs. 
 
 Enter Frederick, Clermont, and Harriet. 
 Love. Where is that you promifcd me ? where is my* 
 treafure ? 
 
 Cler. Here, Sir, is all the treafure I am worth. A 
 treafure which the whole world's worth fhould not pur- 
 chafe. 
 
 Love. Give me the money, Sir, give me the money; 
 I fay give me the money you ftole from me. 
 Cler. I undeifiandyou not. 
 
 Love. Did you not confefs you robb'd me of my trea- 
 fart? 
 
 Cler.
 
 THE MISER. 79 
 
 Chr. This, Sir, is the ineftimable treafure I meant! 
 Your daughter, Sir, has this day bleft me .by making 
 me her hufband. 
 
 Love. How ! O wicked vile wretch I to run away 
 thus with a pitiful mean fellow, thy father's clerk ! 
 
 Cler. Think not your family difgrac'd, Sir. I am at 
 leaft your equal born ; and tho' my fortune be not fa 
 large, as for my deareit Harriet's fake, I wi(h, (till it is 
 fuch as will put it out of your power to make us mi- 
 ferable. 
 
 Love. O my money, my money, my money ! 
 
 Fred. If this lady does not make you amends for the 
 lofs of your money, refign over all pretenfions in her to 
 me, and I will engage to get it reftor'd to you. 
 
 Love. How firrah ! are you a confederate r Have you 
 help'd to rob me ? 
 
 Fred. Softly, Sir, or you mall never fee your guineas 
 again. 
 
 Low, I refign her over to you entirely, and may you 
 both ftarve together ! So, go fetch my gold 
 
 Mar. You are eafily prevail'd upon, I fee, to refign 
 a right which you have not. But were I to rengn my- 
 felf, it would hardly be the man's fortune to ftarve, 
 whole wife brought him ten thoufand pounds. 
 
 Love. Bear witnefs (he has confefs'd (he has the mo- 
 ney ; and I (hall prove (he dole it from me. She has 
 broken open my bureau : Lappet rs my evidence. 
 
 Lap. I hope I have all your pardons, and particu- 
 larly yours, Madam, whom I have moft injur'd. 
 
 Love. A fig for her pardon ; you are doing a right 
 a&ion. 
 
 Lap. Then, if there was any robbery, you mud have 
 robb'd yourfelf. This lady can only be a receiver of 
 ftolen goods ; for I faw you give her the money with 
 your hands. 
 
 Lo-ve. How ! I ! You ! What ! What ! 
 
 Lap. And I muft own it, with (hame I muft O'vn it 
 that the money you gave her in exchange for the con- 
 tracl I promis'd to fwear fhe had ftolen from you. 
 
 Clcr. Is it pofiible Mr. Lovegold could be capable of 
 fuch an aftion as this ? 
 
 Love. I am undone, undone, undone ! 
 
 Frtd. No, Sir, your three thoofaud guineas are fafe 
 
 yet;
 
 8o THE MISER. 
 
 yet; depend upon it, within an hour, you (hall find 
 them in the fame place they were firit depofhed. 'I 
 ' thought to have purchas'd a reprieve with them ; hut 
 c J find my fortune has of itfelf beftow'd that on me.' 
 
 Love. Give 'em me, give 'em me, this inftant but 
 then the ten thouiand, where are they i 
 
 Mar. Where they ought to be, in the hands of one 
 who I think deferves them. [Gives them- to Frederick.] 
 You fee, Sir, I had no delign to the prejudice of your 
 family. Nay, I have prov'd the belt friend you ever 
 had ; for I prefume, you are now thoroughly cur'd of 
 your longing for a young wife. 
 
 Love.. Sirrah, give me my notes, give me my notes. 
 Fred. You muft excufe me, Sir ; I can part with 
 nothing I receive from this lady. 
 
 Love. Then I will go to law with that lady and youj 
 and all of you ; for I will have them again, if law, or 
 juftice, or ir.juflice, will give them me. 
 
 Cler. Be pacified, Sir ; I think the lady has a&ed no- 
 bly, in giving that back again into your family, which 
 ihe might have carried out of it. 
 
 Le/ve. My family be hang'd: if lam robb'd, I don't 
 care who robs me. I would as foon hang my fon as 
 
 another and I will hang him if he does not reltor& 
 
 me all J have loft : for I would not give half the Aim 
 
 to fave the whole world I.will go and employ all the 
 
 lawyers in town ; fof I will have my money again, or 
 never fleep more. [Exif. 
 
 Fred. I am refolv'd we will get the- better of him 
 now. IJut O Mariana! your generality is much 
 greater in bellowing this fum than my happinefs in ie-. 
 oeiving it. I urn an unconfcionable beggar, and mail 
 never be fatisne-d while you have any thing to bellow.. 
 
 Mar. Do you hear him 
 
 fiat: Yes, and begin to approve him for your late 
 behaviour has convinc'd me. 
 
 Mar. My dear girl, no more ; ' you have fnghten'd 
 ' me already fo much to-day, that rather than venture 
 ' a fecond lecture, I would do whatever you wifli'd 
 c So, Sir,' if I do beftow all on you, here is the lady 
 you are to thank for it 
 
 Har. Well, this I will fay, when you do a good-na- 
 tur'd thing, you have the pretlieft way of doing it. And 
 
 now,
 
 THE MISER. 81 
 
 now, Mariana, I am ready to a3c your pardon for all 
 I faid to-day. 
 
 Mar. Dear Harriet, no apologies : all you faid I de- 
 fcrv'd. 
 
 ' Enter Ramilie. 
 
 ' Lap. Treaties are ^oing on, on both fides, while 
 you and I feem forgotcen. 
 
 ' Ramil. Why, have we not done them all the fer- 
 ' vice we can } What farther have they to do with us f 
 
 ' Sir, there are ibme people in mafquerade habits 
 
 ' without. 
 
 ' Mar. Some I fent for to afliil in my defign on your 
 ' father: I think we will give them admittance, tho' 
 ' we have done without 'em. 
 
 All. Oh ! by all means. 
 
 ' Fred. Mrs. Lappet, be affur'd I have a juft fenfe 
 * of your favours, and both you and Ramilie ftjall find 
 ' my gratitude. 
 
 ' [Dance here.'' 
 
 Fred. Dear Clermont, be fatisfied I (hall make no 
 peace with the old gentleman, in which you mail not 
 be included. I hope my fifter will prove a fortune 
 equal to your great deferts. 
 
 Cler. While I am enabled to fupport her in any afflu- 
 ence equal to her de fires, I fhall defirc no more. From 
 what I have feen lately, I think riches are rather to be 
 fear'd than wifh'd ; at lealt, I am fure, avarice, which 
 too often attends wealth, is a greater evil than any 
 that is found in poverty. Mifery is generally the end 
 of all vice ; but it is the very mark at which avarice 
 feems to aim : the Mifer endeavours to be wretched. 
 
 He hoards eternal care laithin his purfe ; 
 
 And what be wifies moft, proves moft his cur/e. 
 
 E P I-
 
 EPILOGUE, 
 
 Written by COLLY C I B B E R, Efty 
 
 /~\UR author's fur e bewitched! the fen/cleft rogue 
 
 ^"^ Injijls no good play nvants an Epilogue. 
 
 Suppoje that true, Jays I, what 's that to this ? 
 
 Is yours a gccd cne 'f No, but Mc/iere's is, 
 
 He cry' V, and zounds / no epilogue ivas tack 1 d to his, 
 
 Hejicte s , your modern epilogues , Jaid he, 
 
 Are but ragoiits cfjmut and ribaldry* 
 
 Where thefalfejejis are dwindled to fa few, 
 
 There 's fcarce one double entendre left that's nrw. 
 
 Nor *would I in that lovely circle raife 
 
 One blujh, to gain a tkoufand coxcombs praife. 
 
 Tbenfcr the threadbare joke of cit and <wtt, 
 
 Whofe f ore-known rhyme is echo 1 d from the pit, 
 
 Till of their laugh the galleries are bit. 
 
 Then to reproach the critics with ill-nature t 
 
 And charge their malice to bis flinging Jatire : 
 
 And thence appealing to the nicer boxes , 
 
 Tho" 1 talking ftujf might dajh the Drury doxies. 
 
 Jf thefe, he cry'd, the choice ingredients be 
 
 For epilogues, thty jhall ha've none for ir.e. 
 
 Lord, Sir, Jays I, the gallery will fo bawl; 
 
 Let 'em, he cry^d, a bad one's <uior/ than none at all. 
 
 Madam, theje things than you I'm more expert in, 
 
 Nor do I fee no epilogue much hurt in, 
 
 Zounds / when the play is ended drop the curtain,.
 
 PLAYS printed for the PROPRIETORS of 
 tbe Co pies ) at Sixpence each. 
 
 Earl of Efiex, by Bankes 
 Every Mau in his Humour 
 Fair Penitent, by Rowe 
 Fair Quaker of Deal, by 
 
 C. Shadwell 
 Falfe Friend 
 Fatal Curiofity 
 Fatal Secret, by Theobald 
 Flora ; or, Hob in the 
 
 Well 
 
 Fox, by Ben Johnfon 
 Friendship in Faihion, by 
 
 Otway 
 
 Funeral, by Sir R. Steele 
 Gamefter, by Mrs. Ceat- 
 
 livre 
 
 Gentje Shepherd 
 George Barnwell, by Ljllo 
 Gloriana 
 Greenwich Park 
 Hamlet, by Sh-akefpcare 
 Henry IV. 2 Parts, by ditto 
 Henry V. by dit.o 
 Henry VI. 3 Parts, by ditto 
 Henry VIII. by ditto 
 Henry V. by Aaron Hill 
 Iloneit Yo;kihiremiii 
 Jane Gray, by Rowe 
 Jane *h<;re, by Rowe 
 Jnconitant, by Farquhar 
 King John, by Shakefpeare 
 Xing Lear, by ditto 
 King Lear, by Tate 
 Limberham, by Dryrleu 
 Love for Love, by Con- 
 
 greve 
 
 Love in a Mid 
 Love in a Tub, byEtherege 
 Love makes a Man, by C. 
 
 Cibber 
 
 Love's Laft Shift, by C. 
 
 Cibber 
 
 Lying Lover, by Steele 
 Macbeth, by Shakefpeare 
 Man of Mode, by Etherege 
 Mariamne, by Fenton 
 Meafere for Meafure, by 
 
 Shakefpeare 
 Merchant of Venice, by 
 
 ditto 
 
 Miftake, by Vanbrugh 
 Mourning Bride, by Con* 
 
 greve 
 
 Much ado about Nothing 
 Muftapha, by Lord Orrery 
 Nonjuror, by C. Cibber 
 Oedipus, bv Dryden 
 Old Bachelor, by Con- 
 
 greve 
 
 Oroonoko, by Southern 
 Orphan, by Otway 
 Othello, by Shakefpeare 
 Perjured Hufband 
 Perolla and Illdora, by C. 
 
 Cibber 
 Phaedra and Hippolitus, by 
 
 Smith 
 Pi!irrim, by Beaumont and 
 
 Fletcher 
 
 Polly, by Mr. Gay 
 Prophetefs, by Beaumont 
 Provok'd Huiband, by C. 
 
 Cibbsr 
 
 Provok'd Wife, by Van- 
 brugh 
 
 Recruiting Officer, by Far- 
 quhar 
 
 Refufal, by Cibber 
 Rehearfal, by the Duke of 
 Buckingham
 
 PLAYS printed for the PROPRIETORS, &c. 
 
 Relapfe, by Vanbrugh 
 Revenge, by Dr. Young 
 Richard III. by C. Gibber 
 Rival Fools, by ditto 
 Rival Ladies, by Dryden 
 Rival Queens, by Lee 
 Romeo and Juliet, altered 
 
 by Mr. Garrick 
 Royal Merchant, by Beau- 
 mont 
 Rule a Wife and have a 
 
 Wife 
 
 School Boy, by Gibber 
 Scornful Lady, by Beau- 
 mont and Fletcher 
 She would and She would 
 
 not, by Gibber 
 She would if She could, by 
 
 Etherege 
 Siege of Damafcus, by 
 
 Hughes 
 Silent Woman, by B.John- 
 
 fon 
 
 Sir Courtly Nice, by Crown 
 Sir Harry Wildair, by Far- 
 
 quhar 
 Sir Martin Mar- All, by 
 
 Dryden 
 Sir Walter Raleigh, by Dr. 
 
 Sewell 
 'Squire of Alfatia, by T. 
 
 fchadwell 
 
 Stage Coach, by Farquhar 
 State of Innocence, by 
 
 Dryden 
 Strollers 
 Sufpicious Husband, by 
 
 Dr. Hoadley 
 Tamerlane, by Rowe 
 Tempeft, by Shakefpeare 
 Tender Husband, bySteele 
 
 Theodofius, or the Force 
 of Love 
 
 Timonof Athens,by Shake- 
 fpeare 
 
 Titus and Berenice, with 
 the Cheats of Scapin, by 
 Otway 
 
 Twelfth Night, by Shake- 
 fpeare 
 
 Twin Rivals, by Farquhar 
 
 Two Gentlemen of Ve- 
 rona 
 
 Venice Preferv'd, by Ot- 
 way 
 
 Uiyfles, by Rowe 
 
 Way of the World, by 
 Congreve 
 
 What d'ye call it? by Gay 
 
 Wife to be let 
 
 Wife's Relief, or Husband's 
 Cure 
 
 Wild Gallant, by Dryden 
 
 Wit without Money 
 
 Woman's a Riddle 
 
 Wonder, a Woman keeps 
 a Secret, by Centlivre 
 
 Zara, with the Interlude, 
 by A. Hill, Efq; 
 
 Agis, is. 
 
 Arden of Feverfliam, \ s. 
 
 Douglas, i s. 
 
 EaflwardHoe, is. 
 
 Gentleman Dancing Maf- 
 ter, i s. 
 
 Love in a Wood, is. 
 
 Pafquin, I s. 
 
 Perkin Warbeck, is. 
 
 Plague of Riches, French 
 and Englifh, is. 
 
 Plain Dealer, is. 
 
 Siege of Aquileia, is.
 
 THE 
 
 SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND, 
 
 A 
 
 COMEDY, 
 
 WRITTEN BY 
 
 DR. H O A D L Y. 
 
 Marked with the Variations of the 
 
 MANAGERS BOOKS, 
 
 AT THE 
 
 C&eatre * iaopai in iDrurp-iane, 
 
 &*&*&*& 
 
 I. N D Ni 
 
 PRINTED FOR T. CASLON, T. LOWNDE% 
 W, NICOLL, S. BLADON, AND T. BECKET. 
 
 M.DCC.tXXVI,
 
 > The Reader is defired to obferve, that the Paflages 
 omitted in the Reprefentation at the Theatres are here 
 preferved, and marked with inverted Commas 5 as in 
 
 Line 42 in Page 14, to Line 9 in Page 15. Alfi, The 
 
 Additions made at the Theatres are diftinguiflied by Italic* 
 between inverted Commas j as at Line zo in Page q.
 
 TO THE 
 
 KING. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 YOUR Majefty's goodncfs in permitting your 
 Royal Name to ftand before the following 
 piece, is an inftance of the greateft condefcenfion of 
 a great mind. And this permifiion, after having 
 honoured the performance of it with your Royal 
 Prefence, the more fenfibly touches me, as it will 
 naturally lead every one to this reflection, That ib 
 great an honour would not have been allowed it, had 
 it not appeared free from all offence againft the rules 
 of good manners and decency. 
 
 Thus, while your Majefty fits as a watchful arbi- 
 ter of the greateft affairs that ever perplexed Europe, 
 You c?.n defcend to the innocent amufemcnts of life, 
 and take a pleafure in favouring an attempt to add to 
 their number. 
 
 We fee with joy, in your Majcfty, an undeni- 
 able proof, that the true greatnefs and luftre of a 
 Piince is founded, not upon the magnificence of 
 pomp and (hew, and power, but upon the whole 
 tenor of a conduct formed for fecuring and con- 
 firming the rights andhappinefsof his fubjecls. This, 
 being built upon public fa&s, will always remain 
 plainly legible in the annals of hiflory, when the 
 traces of the moft delicate flattery {hall be all loft and 
 gone. 
 
 When the records of our country (hall barely tell 
 the world the glorious appearance in this nation, up- 
 on a late trying occafion ; and fay That upon a 
 violent attack made upon your crown, all orders and 
 degrees, all feds and parties amongft us, rofe up, as 
 A 2 one
 
 iv DEDICATION. 
 
 one man ; not contenting themfelves to offer their 
 lives and fortunes in the founds of formal addrefies ; 
 but actually pouring out their treafures, and hazard- 
 ing their perfons That your whole people did not 
 think themfelves fafe without your fafety; nor their 
 religion, laws, and properties fecure, but in the fecu- 
 rity of your Royal Perfon and Government When 
 this (hall be told This alone, this voice of the pub- 
 lic, expreffed in deeds, will be the higheft panegyric j 
 greater and truer praife, than all the words which 
 invention and art can put together But I forgot 
 myfelf, and my duty. 
 
 I ought not, upon the prefent occafion, to inter- 
 rupt your cares for the public, any further, than to 
 exprefs my deep fenfe of your Royal favour and con- 
 defcenfion ; and to fend up my warmed vows That 
 your Majefty may long enjoy the fruits of a con- 
 duct in government, which is the fecurity to your 
 fubjets of all that is valuable upon earth ! That 
 you may live, through a courfe of many years, the 
 delight of your happy people ; the example to all the 
 princes around you, of political truth and juftice, 
 Aiperior to all the arts of fraud and perfidy And that 
 the fucceffion to the crown of thefe realms, in your 
 Royal Line, may never fail to eftablifh and conti- 
 nue the bleflings we enjoy, to our lateft pofte- 
 rity. I am, 
 
 May it pleafe Your Majefty, 
 
 YourMajefty's moft devoted and 
 obedient Subject and Servant, 
 
 HOADLY.
 
 PROLOGUE, 
 
 Written by Mr. G A R R i c K. 
 
 J/f/'H I L E other culprits brave it to the laft, 
 Nor beg for mercy till the judgment* s pajl .* 
 Poets alone, as confcious of their crimes, 
 Open their trials with imploring rhymes. 
 Thus cramm* d with flattery and low fubmijfion, 
 Each trite dull prologue is the bard's petition. 
 A Jiale device to calm the critics fury, 
 And bribe at once the judges and the jury . 
 
 But what a<vail Juch poor repeated arts ? 
 The whimp 'ring fcribbler ne'er can touch your hearts : 
 
 Nor ought an ill-tim'' d pity to take place . 
 
 Faji as they rife dejlroy th* increafeng race : 
 The 'vermin elfe will run the nation o'er - 
 By fa<ving one, you breed a million more. 
 
 { fvo' dtfappointed authors rail and rage 
 At fancy* d parties , and a fenfelefs age , 
 Yet Jlill has Juftice triumph d on the ftage. 
 Thus /peaks and thinks the author of to-day, 
 And faying this, has little more to fay. 
 He ajks no friend his partial zeal tojhgw t 
 Nor fears the groundlefs cenfures of a foe : 
 He knows no friend/hip can protect the fool t 
 Nor will an audience be a party's tool. 
 'Tis inconfiftent 'with a free-born fpirit 
 Tofede 'with folly, or to injure merit. 
 By your decijion he muft fall or Jiand, 
 Nor, tho' he feels tke lajh, will blame tbt band. 
 
 A 3 Dramati*
 
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 THE 
 
 SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 ACT I. SCENE Ranged Chambers in the Temple. 
 
 A knocking is heard at the door for fame time j vjhtn 
 Ranger enters, having let him/elf in. 
 
 ONCE more I am got fafe to the Temple let me 
 reflect a little 1 have fet up all night. I 
 
 have my head full of bad wine, and the noife of oaths, 
 dice, and thedamn'd tingling of tavern bells ; my fpi- 
 rits jaded, and my eyes funk in my head : and all this 
 for the converfation of a company of fellows I defphe. 
 Their wit lies only in obfcenity, their mirth in noi _, 
 and their delight in a box and dice. Honeft II;. .> 
 ger, take my word for it, thou art a mighty filly fel- 
 low. [Enter Servant, with a wig drejfed. ] Where hr.vc 
 you been, rafcal ? If I had not had the key in iry 
 pocket, I muft have waited at the doer in this dainty 
 drefs. 
 
 Serv. I was only below combing out your honour's 
 wig. 
 
 Rang. Well, give me my cap. [Pulling off his <wig.} 
 Why, how like a raking dog do you look, "compar'd tn 
 
 that fpruce, fober gentleman ? Go, you batter'd 
 
 devil, and be made fit to be feen. 
 
 [Throwing his wig to the /errant* 
 Serv. Cod, my matter's very merry this morning. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Rang. And now for the law. [Sits down and reuds. 
 Tell me no more, I am deceived) 
 That doe's falfe and common ; 
 By heaven I all along believed 
 She vjas a very woman. 
 As fuch I lik'd, as fuch care/s'a'f 
 She Jf i II nvas conjlant -ivhen pojjejl ; 
 She could do more for no man. 
 
 Honeft Congreve was a man after my own heart. [Ser- 
 vants pafs over the ftage."\ Have you been for the mo- 
 ney this morning, as 1 order'd you ? 
 
 A 4 Sfrv.
 
 8 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Serv. No, Sir, you bade me go before you was up I 
 did not know your honour meant before you went to bed. 
 
 Rang. None of your jokes, I pray; but to bufinefs 
 Go to the coffee-houfe, and enquire if there has been 
 any letter or meflage left for me. 
 
 Serv. I fhall, Sir. [Exit. 
 
 Rang, [repeat.] You think Jhisfalfe, Pm fur e foe's kind, 
 I take her body, you her mind, 
 Which has the better bargain? 
 Oh, that I had fuch a foft, deceitful fair, to lull my 
 
 fenfes to their defir'd fleep [Knocking at the dear.] 
 
 Gome in. [Enter Simon.] O, mafter Simon, is it 
 you ? How long have you been in town ? 
 
 Simon. Juft come, Sir, and but for a little time nei- 
 ther j and yet I have as many meflages as if we were to 
 ftay the whole year round. Here they are, all of them. 
 [PuKs out a number of cards.] And among them one 
 for your honour. 
 
 Rang. [Reads.] Clarinda's compliments to her coujin 
 Ranger y and jhould be glad to fee him for ever fo little a 
 time that he can be fpar'd from the more weighty bujlnefs of 
 
 the taw Ha! ha! ha! the fame merry girl I ever 
 
 knew her. 
 
 Sim. My lady is never fad, Sir. [Knocking at the door. 
 
 Rang. Pr'ythee, Simon, open the door. [Enter mil- 
 liner.] Well, child and who are you ? 
 
 Milli. Sir, my miftrefs gives her fervice to you, and 
 has fent you home the linen you befpoke. 
 
 Rang. Well, Simon, my fervice to your lady, and 
 let her know t will moft certainly wait upon her 
 J am a little bufy, Simon and fo 
 
 Simon. Ah, you're a wag, mafter Ranger, you're a 
 wag but mum for that. 
 
 Rang. I fwear, my dear, you have the prettieft pair 
 
 of eyes the lovelieft pouting lips 1 never faw you 
 
 before. 
 
 Milli. No, Sir ! I was always in the mop. 
 
 Rang. Were you fo ? well, and what does your mif- 
 trefs lay ? The devil fetch me, child, you look'd 
 
 fo prettily, that I could not mind one word you faid. 
 
 Milli. Lard, Sir, you are fuch another gentleman ! 
 "Why, me fays, me is forry (he could not fend them 
 fooner. Shall I lay them down? 
 
 Rang.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 9 
 
 Rang. No, child. Give 'em to me. Dear little 
 
 (railing angel [Catches and kitfcs her. 
 
 Mi Hi. I beg, Sir, you would be civil. 
 
 Rang. Civil ! Egad, I think I am very civil. 
 
 [Kffis her again. 
 Enter Servant, and Bellamy. 
 
 Serv. Sir, Mr. Bellamy. 
 
 Rang. Damn your impertinence O, Mr. Bellamy, 
 your Servant. 
 
 Milli. What fhall I fay to my miftrefs? 
 
 Rang. Bid her make half a dozen more ; but be fure 
 you bring them home yourfelf. [Exit milliner.'] Pfhaw ! 
 Pox ! Mr. Bellamy, how mould you like to be ferv'd fo 
 yourfelf? 
 
 Bella. How can you, Ranger, for a minute's plea- 
 fure, give an innocent girl the pain of heart I am con- 
 fident Ihe felt ? There was a modeft blufh upon her 
 
 cheek convinces me me is honeft. 
 
 Rang . May be fo. I was refolved to try, however, 
 " had not you interrupted the experiment." 
 
 Bella. Fy, Ranger Will you never think? 
 
 Rang. Yes, but I can't be always thinking. The 
 law is a damnable dry ftudy, Mr. Bellamy, and with- 
 out fomething now and then to amufe and relax, it 
 
 would be too much for my brain, I promife ye But 
 
 I am a mighty fober fellow grown Here have I been 
 at it thefe three hours but the wenches will never let 
 me alone. 
 
 Bella. Three hours ! Why do you ufually ftudy in 
 fuch rtioes and ftockings ? 
 
 Rang. Rat your inquifitive eyes. Ex pede Hcrculem* 
 Egad you have me. The truth is, I am but this moment 
 return'd from the tavern. What, Frankly, here too! 
 Enter Frankly. 
 
 Frank. My boy, Ranger, I am heartily glad to fee 
 you : Bellamy, let me embrace you ; you are the per- 
 fon I want. I have been at your lodgings, and was 
 directed hither. 
 
 Rang. It is to him then I am oblig'd for this vifit : 
 but with all my heart he is the only man, to whom I 
 don't care how much I am oblig'd. 
 
 Bella. Your humble fervant, Sir. 
 
 Frank. You know, Ranger, 1 want no inducement 
 A 5 to
 
 io THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 to be with you. But You look fadly What No 
 mercilefs jade has has fhe ? 
 
 Rang. No, no. Sound as a roach, my lad. I only 
 got a little too much liquor laft night, which I have 
 not flept off yet. 
 
 Bella. Thus, Frankly, it is every day. All the 
 morning his head aches, at noon he begins to clear up, 
 towards evening he is good company, and all night he 
 is carefully providing for the fame courfe the next day. 
 
 Rang. Why, I muft own, my ghoftly father, I did 
 relapfe a little laft night, juft to furnifh out a decent 
 confeffion for the day. 
 
 Frank. And he is now doing penance for it. Were 
 you his confeflbr, indeed, you could not well defire 
 more. 
 
 Rang. Charles, he fets up for a confelfor with the 
 worft grace in the world. Here has he been reproving 
 me for being but decently civil to my milliner. Plague! 
 becaufe the coldnefs of his conftitution makes him in- 
 fenfible of a fine woman's charms, every body elfe muft 
 be fo too. 
 
 Bella. I am no lefs fenfible of their charms than you 
 are, though I cannot kifs every woman I meet, or fall 
 in love, as you call it, with every face which has the 
 bloom of youth upon it. 1 would only have you a little 
 more frugal of your pleafures. 
 
 Frank. My dear friend, this is very pretty talking ! 
 But let me tell you, it is in the power of the very firit 
 glance from a fine woman, utterly to difconcert all your 
 philofophy. 
 
 Bella. It muft be from a fine woman then, and not 
 fuch as are generally reputed fo And it muft be a 
 thorough acquaintance with her too, that will ever make 
 an imprefllon on my heart. 
 
 Rang. Would I could fee it once ! For when a man 
 has been all his life hoarding up a flock, without allow- 
 ing himfelf common neceflaries ; it tickles me to the 
 foul to fee him lay it all out upon a wrong bottom, and 
 become bankrupt at laft. 
 
 Bella. Well, I don't care how foon you fee it. For 
 
 the minute I find a woman capable of friendship, love, 
 
 and tendernefs, whh good-fenfe enough to be always 
 
 tafy, and good-natur'd enough to like me, I will 
 
 3 immediately
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND, u 
 
 immediately put it to the trial, which of us mall 
 have the greateft fhare of happinefs from the fex, you 
 or I. 
 
 Rang. By marrying her, I fuppofe ! capable of friend- 
 fhip, love, and tendernefs, ha, ha, ha! That a man 
 of your fenfe mould talk fo. If {he be capable of love, 
 'tis all I require of my miftrefs ; and as every woman, 
 who is young, is capable of love, I am very reafonably 
 
 in love with every young woman I meet My lord 
 
 Coke, in a cafe I read this morning, fpeaks my fenfe. 
 
 Beth. My lord Coke ! 
 
 Rang. Yes, my lord Coke. What he fays of one 
 woman, I fay of the whole fex, / take their bodies, you 
 their minds ; which has the tetter bargain ? 
 
 Frank. There is no arguing with fo great a lawyer 
 Suppofe therefore we adjourn the debate to fome other 
 time. I have fome ferious bufmefs with Mr. Bellamy, 
 and you want fleep, I am fure. 
 
 Rang. Sleep ! mere lofs of time, and hindrance of 
 buiinefs We men of fpirit, Sir, are above it. 
 
 Bella. Whither (hall we go ? 
 
 Frank. Into the Park. My chariot is at the door. 
 
 Bella. Then if my fervant calls, you'll fend him af- 
 ter us. [Exeunt* 
 
 Rang. I will [Looking on the card.~\ Clarinda's compli- 
 ments A pox of this head of mine! never once to 
 
 aflc where (he was to be found. It's plain ihe is not one 
 of us, or I mould not have been fo remifs in my enqui- 
 ries No matter I mall meet her in my walks. 
 Servant enters. 
 
 Seri>. There is no letter nor meflage, Sir. 
 
 Rang. Then my things to drefs. [Exiunt. 
 
 SCENE a chamber. 
 Enter Mrs. Strickland, and Jacintha, meeting. 
 Mrs. Stritf. Good-morrow, mv dear Jacintha. 
 Jacin. Good-morrow to you, Madam. I have brought 
 my work, and intend to fit with you this morning. I 
 hope you have got the better of your fatigue. Where is 
 Clarinda? I ihould be glad if me wou'd come, and 
 work with us. 
 
 Mrs. Strict. She work ! She is too fine a lady to do 
 
 any thing. She is not ftirring yet we muft let her 
 
 A 6 have
 
 12 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 have her reft. People of her wafte of fpirits require 
 more time to recruit again. 
 
 Jacin. It is pity me mould be ever tir'd with what is 
 fo agreeable to every body elfe. I am prodigioufly 
 pleas'd with her company. 
 
 Mrs, Strict. And whan you are better acquainted, 
 you will be ftill more pleas'd with her. You mult rally 
 her upon her partner at Bath ; for, I fancy, part of her 
 reft has been difturb'd on his account. 
 
 Jacin. Was he really a pretty fellow ? 
 
 Mrs. Strifl. That I can't tell. I did not dance my- 
 felf, and fo did not much mind him. You muft have 
 the whole ftory from herfelf. 
 
 Jacin. Oh> I warrant ye, I get it all out. None are 
 fo proper to make difcoveries in love, as thofe who are 
 in the fecret themfelves. 
 
 Enter Lucetta. 
 
 Lucet. Madam, Mr. Strickland is inquiring for you. 
 Here has been Mr. Buckle with a letter fram his mailer, 
 which has made him very angry. 
 
 Jacin. Mr. Bellamy faid, indeed, he would try him 
 once more, but I fear it will prove in vain. Tell your 
 matter I am here. [Exit Lucetta.] What fignifies for- 
 tune when it only makes us flaves to other people ? 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Do not be uneafy, my Jacintha. You 
 ihall always find a friend in me : but as for Mr. Strick- 
 land, I know not what ill temper hangs about him 
 lately. Nothing fatisfies him. You faw how he receiv- 
 ed us when we came off our journey. Though Clarin- 
 da was fo good company, he was barely civil to her, and 
 downright rude to me. 
 
 Jacin. I cannot help faying, I did obferve it. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. I faw you did. Hufh ! he's here. 
 Enter Mr. Strickland. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Oh, your fervant, Madam ! Here, I have 
 received a letter from Mr. Bellamy, wherein he defires 
 
 I would once more hear what he has to fay You 
 
 know my fentiments Nay, fo does he. 
 
 Jacin. For Heaven's fake confider, Sir, this is no 
 
 new affair, no fudden ftart of paflion We have known 
 
 each other long. My father valued and lov'd him, and 
 
 I am fure were he alive, I mould have his confent 
 
 Mr. Stria. Don't tell me. Your father would not 
 
 have
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 13 
 
 have you marry againlt his will ; neither will I againft 
 mine : I am your father now. 
 
 Jacin. And you take a fatherly care of me. 
 Mr. Stria. I wifli I had never had any thing to do 
 with you. 
 
 Jacin. You may eafily get rid of the trouble. 
 Mr. Strifl. By liltening, I fuppofe, to the young 
 gentleman's propofals. 
 
 Jacin. Which are very reafonable in my opinion. 
 
 Mr. Striff. Oh, very modeft ones truly ; and a very 
 
 modeft gentleman he is that propofes them ! A fool, to 
 
 expeft a lady of thirty thoufand pounds fortune, fhould, 
 
 by the care and prudence of her guardian, be thrown 
 
 away upon a young fellow not worth three hundred a 
 
 year. He thinks being in love is an excufe for this ; but 
 
 I am not in love. What does he think will excufe me ? 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Well, but Mr. Strickland, I think the 
 
 gentleman mould be heard. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Well, well, feven o'clock's the time, and 
 if the man has had the good fortune, fince I faw him 
 laft, to perfuade fome body or other to give him a better 
 eitate, I give him my confent not elfe. His fen-ant 
 waits below. You may tell him, I (hall be at home. 
 [Exit Jacintha.] But where is your friend, your other 
 half, all this while ? I thought you could not have 
 breath'd a minute without your Clarinda. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Why the truth is, I was going to fee 
 what makes her keep her chamber fo long. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Look ye, Mrs. Strickland, you have been 
 afking me for money this morning. In plain terms, not 
 one (hilling (hall pafs through thefe fingers, till you 
 have clear'd my houfe of this Clarinda. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. How can her innocent gaiety have offend- 
 ed you ? She is a woman of honour, and has as many 
 
 good qualities 
 
 Mr. Stria. As women of honour generally have, I 
 know it, and therefore am uneafy. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. But, Sir 
 
 Mr. Stria. But, Madam Clarinda, nor e'er a 
 
 rake of fafhion in England, fhall live in my family to 
 debauch it. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Sir, me treated me with fo much civility 
 in the country, that I thought 1 could not do Ids than 
 
 invite
 
 I 4 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 invite her to fpend as much time with me in town as 
 her engagements would permit. I little imagin'd you 
 could have been difpleas'd at my having fo agreeable a 
 companion. 
 
 Mr. Stria. There was a time when I was company 
 enough for leifure hours, 
 
 . Mrs. Stril. There was a time when every word of 
 mine was fure of meeting with a fmile : butthofe happy 
 days, I know not why, have long been over. 
 
 Mr. Stria. I cannot bear a rival even of your own 
 fex. I hate the very name of female friends. No two 
 of you can ever be an hour by yourfelves, but one or 
 both are the worfe for it. 
 
 Mrs. Strifi. Dear Mr. Striaiand. 
 
 Mr. Stria. This I know and will not fuffcr. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. It grieves me, Sir, to fee you fo much 
 in earnefl ; but to convince you how willing I am ta 
 make you eafy in every thing, it mall be my requeft to 
 her to remove immediately. 
 
 Mr. Stri<3. Doit hark ye Your requeft? 
 
 Why yours ? 'tis mine My command Tell 
 
 her fo 1 will be mailer of my own family, and I 
 
 care not who knows it. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. You fright me, Sir, But it fhall be 
 
 as you pleafe. [In 7ean.~\ [Gees out.. 
 
 Mr. Stri3. Ha ! have I gone too far ? I am not maf- 
 
 ter of myfelf Mrs. Strickland [foe returns ] Un- 
 
 derftand me right. I do not mean, by what I have 
 faid, that I fufpedl your innocence ; but by crushing 
 this growing friendfliip all at once, I may prevent a 
 train of milchief which you do not forefee. I was per- 
 haps too harfh, therefore do it in your own way But let 
 me fee the houfe fairly rid of her. [Exit Mr. Strickland. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. His earneftnefs in this affair amazes me. 
 
 I am forry 1 made this vifit to Clarinda and yet I'll 
 
 anfwer for her honour What can I fay to her ? 
 
 Neceffity mult plead in my excufe For at all events 
 Mr. Strickland muft be obeyed. [Exit*. 
 
 SCENE Saint James's Park. 
 
 Enter Bellamy and Frankly. 
 
 Frank. Now, Bellamy, I may unfold the fecret of 
 * my heart to you with greater freedom ; for though- 
 
 ' Ranger
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 15 
 
 * Ranger has honour, I am not in humour to be 
 ' laughed at. I muft have one that will bear with my 
 ' impertinence, footh me into hope, and, like a friend 
 ' indeed, with tendernefs advife me. 
 
 ' Bella. I thought you appeared more grave than 
 ' ufual. 
 
 ' Frank. O Bellamy f my foul is full of joy, of 
 ' pain, hope, defpair, and ecftafy, that no word but 
 
 * love is capable of expreffing what I feel.' 
 
 Bella. Is love the fecret Ranger is not fit to hear ? In 
 my mind, he would prove the more able counfellor. 
 And is all the gay indifference of my friend at laft re- 
 duced to love ? 
 
 Frank. Even fb Never was prude more refolute 
 
 in chaftity and ill-nature, than I was fix'd in indiffer- 
 ence ; but love has rais'd me from that inactive ftate 
 above the being of a man. 
 
 Bella. Faith, Charles, I begin to think it has 
 But pray, bring this rapture into order a little, and 
 tell me regularly, how, where, and when, 
 
 Frank. If I was not moft unreafonably in love, thofe 
 horrid queftions would Hop my mouth at once. But as 
 I am arm'd againft reafon I anfwer at Bath on 
 Tuefday, me danced and caught me. 
 
 Bella. Danced ! and was that all r But who is 
 Ihe ? What is- her name ? her fortune ? where does me 
 live ? 
 
 Frank. Hold ! hold ! not fo many hard queftions. 
 Have a little mercy. I know but little of her, that's 
 certain. But all I do know you mall have. That 
 evening was the firft of her appearing at Bath. The 
 moment I faw her, I refolved to afk the favour of her 
 hand. But the eafy freedom with which me gave it, 
 and her unaffefled good-humour during the whole 
 night, gain'd fuch a power over my heart, as none of 
 her lex could ever boaft before. I waited on her home, 
 and the next morning, when I went to pay the ufual 
 compliments, the bird was flown. She had fet out for 
 London two hours before, and in a chariot and fix 
 you rogue. 
 
 Bella. But was it her own, Charles ? 
 
 Frank. That I don't know ; but it looks better than 
 being drag'd to town in the ftage. That day and the 
 
 next
 
 16 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 next I fpent in inquiries. I waited on the ladies who 
 came with her. They knew nothing of her. So with- 
 out learning either her name or fortune, I e'en calPd 
 for my boots, and rode poft after her. 
 
 Bella. And how do you find yourfelf after your 
 journey ? 
 
 Frank. Why, as yet, I own, I am but upon a cold 
 fcent. But a woman of her fprightlinefs and gentility 
 cannot but frequent all public places ; and when once 
 fhe is found, the pleafure of the chace will over-pay the 
 
 pains of roufing her. O Bellamy ! there was fome- 
 
 thing peculiarly charming in her, that feem'd to claim 
 my further acquaintance : and if in the other more fa- 
 miliar parts of life fhe mines with that fuperior luitre, 
 and at laft I win her to my arms, how (hall I blefs my 
 refolution in purfuing her ! 
 
 Bella. But if at laft fhe mould prove unworthy 
 
 Frank. I would endeavour to forget her. 
 
 Bella. Promife me that, Charles, [Takes bis band.] 
 
 and I allow But we are interrupted. 
 
 Enter Jack Meggot. 
 
 Jack Meg. Whom have we here? my old friend 
 Frankly ? Thou art grown a mere antique fince I faw 
 thee ? How haft thou done thefe five hundred years ? 
 
 Frank. Even as you fee me ; well, and at your fer- 
 vice ever. 
 
 Jack Meg. Ha ! who's that ? 
 
 Frank. A friend of mine. Mr. Bellamy, this is 
 Jack Meggot, Sir, as honeft a fellow as any in life. 
 
 Jack* Meg. Pho ! prithee ! pox ! Charles, - Don't 
 
 be filly Sir, I am your humble Any one, who 
 
 is a friend of my Frankly's, I am proad of embracing. 
 
 Bella. Sir, I fhall endeavour to deferve your ci- 
 vility. 
 
 Jack Meg. O Sir! Well! Charles, what! dumb? 
 Come, come ; you may talk, though you have nothing 
 to fay, as I do Let us hear, where have you been ? 
 
 Frank. Why for this laft week, Jack, I have been at 
 Bath. 
 
 Jack Meg. Bath ! the moft ridiculous place in life ! 
 amongtt tradefmen's wives that hate their hufbands, 
 and people of quality that had rather go to the devil 
 than flay at home. People of no tafte no^cw/ and 
 
 for
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 17 
 
 for di'vertijfimenS) if it were not for the puppet-fliow, La. 
 
 Virtu would be dead amongft them. But the news, 
 
 Charles the ladies 1 fear, your time hung heavy 
 
 on your hands, by the fmall ftay you made there. 
 
 Frank. Faith, and fo it did, Jack. The ladies are 
 
 grown fuch ideots in love The cards have fo de- 
 
 bauch'd their five fenfes, that Love, almighty Love, 
 himfeif is utterly negle&ed. 
 
 Jack Meg. It is the ftrangeft thing in life, but it is 
 jult fo with us abroad. Faith ! Charles ! to tell you a 
 fecret, which I don't care if all the world knows, I am 
 almoft furfeited v/ith the fervices of the ladies ; the mo- 
 deft ones I mean. The vaft variety of duties they ex- 
 pedl as dreffing up to the fafhion, lo/ing fafhionably, 
 keeping famionable hours, drinking fafhionable liquors, 
 and fifty other fuch irregular niceties, fo ruin a man's 
 pocket and conftitution, that, foregad ! he muft have the 
 eftate of a duke, and the ftrength of a gondolier, who 
 would lift himfeif into their fervice ! 
 
 Frank. A free confeffion truly, Jack, for one of your 
 coat. 
 Bella. The ladies are oblig'd to you. 
 
 Enter Buckle, with a letter to Bellamy. 
 Jac. Meg. Oh Lard ! Charles ! I have had the great- 
 eft misfortune in life, fince I faw you Poor Otho, 
 
 that I brought from Rome with me, is dead. 
 
 Frank. Well! well! get you another, and all will be 
 well again. 
 
 Jack Meg. No ! the rogue broke me fo much China, 
 and gnaw'd my Spanifti leather flioes fo filthily, that 
 when he was dead, I began not to endure him. 
 
 Bella. Exa&ly at feven ! run back, and afTure him I 
 will not fail. [Exit Buckle.] Dead? Pray, who was 
 the gentleman ? 
 
 Jack Meg. This gentleman was my monkey, Sir- 
 an odd fort of a fellow that ufed to divert me and 
 pleafed every body fo at that Rome, that he always 
 made one in our converfationi But, Mr. Bellamy, I 
 faw a fervant : I hope no engagement ; for you two 
 pofitively mall dine with me. I have the fineft maca- 
 roni in life. Oblige me fo far. 
 
 Bella. Sir your fervant ! what fay you, Frankly ? 
 Jack Meg. Pho ! Pox ! Charles ! you (hall go. My
 
 jg THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND, 
 
 aunts think you begin to negledl them; and old maids, 
 you know, are the moft jealous creatures in life. 
 
 Frank. Ranger fwears they can't be maids, they are 
 fo good-natur'd. Well! I agree, on condition I may 
 eat what I pleafe, and go away juft when I will. 
 
 Jack. Meg. Ay ! ay ! you fhall do juft what you will. 
 But how (hall we do? My poft chaife won't carry us 
 all. 
 
 Frank. My chariot is here j and I will conduct Mr. 
 Bellamy. 
 
 Bella. Mr. Meggot 1 beg pardon, I can't poffi- 
 
 bly dine out of town ! I have an engagement early in 
 the evening. 
 
 Jack Meg. Out of town! no, my dear, I live juft by. 
 I fee one of the Dilettanti, I would not mifs fpeaking to 
 for the univerfe. And fo I expect you at three. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 , Frank. Ha ! ha ! ha ! and fo you thought you had at 
 leaft fifty miles to go poft for a fpoonful of Macaroni. 
 
 ' Bell. I fuppofe then, he is juft come out of the 
 ' country. 
 
 ' Frank. Nor that neither. I would venture a wager, 
 ' from his own houfe hither, or to an auction or two of 
 .' old dirty pictures, is the utmoft of his travels to-day : 
 ' Or he may have been in purfuit, perhaps, of a new 
 ' cargo of Venetian toothpicks. 
 
 Bell. A fpecial acq uaintance I have made to-day ! 
 
 Frank. For all this, Bellamy, he has a heart wor- 
 thy your friendfhip. He fpends his eftate freely, and 
 you cannot oblige him more, than by {hewing him how 
 he can be of fervice to you. 
 
 Bell. Now you fay fomething. It is the heart, 
 Frankly, I value in a man. 
 
 Frank. Right ! and there is a heart even in a 
 
 woman's breaft that is worth the purchafe, or my judg- 
 ment has deceiv'd me. Dear Bellamy, I know your 
 concern for me. See her firft, and then blame me, if 
 you can. 
 
 Bella. So far from blaming you, Charles, that, if my 
 endeavours can be ferviceablc, I will beat the bulhes 
 with you. 
 
 Frank. That I am afraid will not do. For you know 
 iefs of her than I. But if in your walks you meet a 
 
 finer
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 19 
 
 6ner woman than ordinary, let her not efcape till 'I 
 have feen her. Wherefoe'er fhe is, fhe cannot long lie 
 hid. \Exeunt 
 
 ACT II. SCENE Saint Jamcs'i Park. 
 Enter Clarinda, Jacintha, and Mrs. Striflland. 
 
 Jacin. A Y ! ay ! we both ftand conderan'd out of 
 J~\. our own mouths. 
 
 Clar. Why I cannot but own 1 never had 
 
 thought of any man that troubled me, but ofhim. 
 
 Mrs. Strifi. Then I dare fwear, by this time, you 
 heartily repent your leaving Bath fo foon. 
 
 Clar. Indeed you are miftaken. I have not had one 
 fcruple fince. 
 
 Jac. Why, what one inducement can he have ever 
 to think of you again ? 
 
 Clar. Oh ! the greateft of all inducements, curiofity. 
 Let me afl'ure you, a woman's fureft hold over a man is 
 to keep him in incertainty. As foon as ever you put 
 him out of doubt, you put him out of your power : 
 But when once a woman has awak'd his curiofity, fhe 
 may lead him a dance of many a troublefome mile 
 without the leaf! fear of lofing him at laft. 
 
 Jacin. Now do I heartily wilh he may have fpirit 
 enough to follow, and ufe you as you deferve. Such 
 a fpirit, with but a little knowledge of our fex, might 
 put that heart of yours into a ftrange flutter. 
 
 Clar. I care not how foan. I long to meet with fuch 
 a fellow. Our modern beaux are fuch jointed babies in 
 love, they have no feeling. They are intirely infenfi- 
 ble either of pain or pleafure, but from their own dear 
 perfons : and according as we flatter or affront their 
 beauty, they admire or forfake ours. They are not 
 worthy even of our difpleafure ; and, in fhort, abufing 
 them is but fo much ill-nature merely thrown away. 
 But the man of fenfe, who values himfelf upon his 
 high abilities, or the man of wit, who thinks a 
 woman beneath his converfation to fee fuch the fub- 
 je&s of our power, the flares of our frowns and fmiles, 
 is glorious indeed ! 
 
 Mrs.
 
 20 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Mrs. Strict. No man of fenfe, or wit either, if he 
 be truly fo, ever did, or ever can think a woman of 
 merit beneath his wifdom to converfe with. 
 
 Jacin. Nor will fuch a woman value herfelf upon 
 making fuch a lover uneafy. 
 
 'Clar. Amazing ! Why, every woman can give eafe ? 
 You cannot be in earneft. 
 
 Mrs. Strifi. I can affure you me is, and has put in 
 praftice the doftrine me has been teaching. 
 
 Clar. Impoffible ! Who ever heard the name of 
 Love mention'd without an idea of torment ? But pray 
 let us hear. 
 
 Jacin. Nay, there is nothing to hear that I know of. 
 
 Cla. So I fufpe&ed, indeed ! The novel is not likely 
 to be long, when the lady is fo well prepar'd for the 
 denouement. 
 
 Jacin. The novel, as you call it, is not fo fhort as you 
 may imagine. I and my fpark have been long ac- 
 quainted. As he was continually with my father, I 
 foon perceiv'd he lov'd me, and the manner of his ex- 
 preffing that love was what pleas'd and won me moft. 
 
 Cla. Well! and how was it? The old bait? Flat- 
 tery ? Dear flattery, I warrant ye. 
 
 Jacin. No, indeed. I had not the pleafure of hear- 
 ing my perfon, wit, and beauty painted out with forced 
 praifes ; but I had a more fenfible delight in perceiving 
 the drift of his whole behaviour was to make every 
 hour of my time pafs away agreeably. 
 
 Clar. The ruftic ! What, did he never fay a hand- 
 fome thing of your perfon ? 
 
 Mrs. Stria. He did, it feems, what pleas'd her bet- 
 ter. He flatter'd her good-fenfe, as much as a lefs 
 cunning lover would have done her beauty. 
 
 Clar. On my confcience you are well match'd. 
 
 Jacin. So well, that if my guardian denies me hap- 
 pinefs, (and this evening he is to pafs his final fen- 
 tence) nothing is left but to break my prifon, and fly 
 into my lover's arms for fafety. 
 
 Clar. Hey-day ! O' my confcience thou art a brave 
 girl. Thou art the very firft prude that ever had 
 honefty enough to avow her paflion for a man. 
 
 Jacin. And thou art the firft finifh'd coquet who ever 
 had any honefty at all. 
 
 Mr*.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 21 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Come, come! you are both too good 
 for either of thofe chara&ers. 
 
 Clar. And, my dear Mrs. Stridlland, here is the firft 
 young married woman of fpirit, who has an ill-natur'd 
 fellow for a hufband, and never once thinks of ufing 
 him as he deferves Good Heaven ! if I had fuch a 
 
 hufband 
 
 Mrs, Strict. You wou'd be juft as unhappy as I am. 
 Clar. But come now Confefs Do not you long to 
 be a widow ? 
 
 Mrs. Strict. Would I were any thing but what I am ! 
 Clar. Then go the neareft way about it. I'd break 
 that flout heart of his in lefs than a fortnight. I'd 
 make him know 
 
 Mrs. StriS. Pray be filent. You know my refolution. 
 Clar. I know you have no refolution. 
 Mrs. Stria. You are a mad creature ; but I forgive 
 you. 
 
 Clar. It is all meant kindly, I afTure you. But fince 
 you won't be perfuaded to your good, I will think of 
 making you eafy in your fubmiflion as foon as ever I 
 can. I dare fay, I may have the fame lodging I had 
 laft year. I can know immediately I fee my chair : 
 And fo ladies both, adieu ! [Exit Clarinda. 
 
 Jacin. Come, Mrs. StrifUand, we (hall but juft have 
 time to get home before Mr. Bellamy comes. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Let us return then to our common pri- 
 fon. You muft forgive my ill-nature, Jacintha, if I 
 almoft wifh Mr. Striftland may refufe to join your hand 
 where your heart is given. 
 
 Jacin. Lord ! Madam, what do you mean ? 
 Mrs. Stria. Self-intereft only, child! methinks your 
 company in the country would foften all my forrows, 
 and I could bear them patiently. 
 
 Re-enter Clarinda. 
 
 Clar. Dear Mrs. Stridland 1 am fo confus'd, 
 
 and fo out of breath 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Why, what is the matter ? 
 Jacin. I proteft you fright me. 
 
 Cla. Oh ! I have no time to recover myfelf, I am 
 fo frighten'd, and fo pleas'd. In fhort then, the dear 
 man is here. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Here Lord . .Where? 
 
 Clar.
 
 22 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Clar. I met him this inltant: I faw him at a diftance, 
 turn'd fhort, and ran hither dire&ly. Let us go home. 
 I tell you, he follows me. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Why, had you not better ftay, and let 
 him fpeak to you ? 
 
 Clar. Ay! But then He won't know where I live, 
 without my telling him. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Come then. Ha ! ha ! ha! 
 
 Jacin. Ay ! Poor Clarinda! Allans done . [Exeunt. 
 Enter Frankly. 
 
 Frank. Sure that muft be (he! Her Ihape and eafy air 
 cannot be fo exactly copied by another. Now, you 
 young rogue, Cupid, guide me direclly to her, as you 
 would the furell arrow in your quiver. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE changes to the Jireet before Mr. StridlandV 
 
 Door. 
 
 Re-enter Clarinda, Jacintha, and Mrs. Striftland. 
 Clar. Lord! dear Jacintha for heaven's fake make 
 hafte. He'll overtake us before we get in. 
 Jacin. Overtake us ! Why, he is not in fight. 
 Clar. Is not he ? Ha ! fure I have not dropt my 
 
 [I would not have him lofe fight of me neither. \_Afede* 
 
 Mrs. Stritt. Here he is 
 
 Clar. In In In then. 
 
 Jacin. [Laughing] What, without your twee ? 
 
 Clar. Pfha! I have loft nothing In I'll follow 
 you. [Exeunt into thehoufe, Clarinda I aft. 
 
 Enter Frankly. 
 
 Frank. It is impoffible I fhou'd be deceiv'd : My 
 eyes, and the quick pulfes at the heart aflure me it is 
 fhie. Ha ! 'tis me, by Heaven! and the door left open 
 too A fair invitation, by all the rules of love. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE -change* to an apartment in Mr. Stridland'j 
 
 Houfe. 
 
 Enter Clarinda, Frankly following her. 
 Frank. I hope, Madam, you will excufe the boldnefs 
 of this intrufion, fince it is owing to your own beha- 
 viou'r that I am forc'd to it: 
 Cla. To my behaviour, Sir ? 
 
 Frank. You cannot but remember meat Bath, Madam, 
 where I fo lately had the favour of your hand 
 
 Clar.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 23 
 
 Clar. I do remember, Sir ; but I little expefted any 
 wrong interpretation of my behaviour from one, who 
 had fo much the appearance of a gentleman. 
 
 Frank. What I faw of your behaviour was fo juft, it 
 would admit of no mifreprefentation. I only fear'd, 
 whatever reafon you had to conceal your name from 
 me at Bath, you might have the fame to do it now ; 
 and though my happinefs was fo nearly concern'd, I 
 rather chofe to venture thus abruptly after you, than 
 be impertinently inquifitive. 
 
 Cla. Sir, there feems to be fo much civility in your 
 rudenefs, that I can eafily forgive it ; though I don't 
 fee how your happinefs is at all concern'd. 
 
 Frank. No, Madam ! I believe you are the only 
 lady, who could, with the qualifications you are mif- 
 trefs of, be infenfible of the power they give you over 
 the happinefs of our fex. 
 
 Clar. How vain mould we women be, if you gen- 
 tlemen were but wife! If you did not all of you fay the 
 fame things to every woman, we fhould certainly be 
 foolifh enough to believe fome of you were in earneit. 
 
 Frank. Could you have the leait fenfe of what I feel 
 whilft I am fpeaking, you would know me to be in 
 earneft, and what I fay to be the dictates of a heart 
 that admires you : may I not fay that 
 
 Clar. Sir, this is carrying the 
 
 Frank. When I danced with you at Bath, I was 
 charm'd with your whole behaviour, and felt the fame 
 tender admiration : But my hope of feeing you after- 
 wards kept in my paffion till a more proper time 
 fhould offer. You cannot therefore blame me now, if, 
 after having loft you once, I do not fuffer an inexcufa- 
 ble modefty to prevent my making ufe of this fecond 
 opportunity. 
 
 Clar. This behaviour, Sir, is fo different from the 
 gaiety of your converfation then, that I am at a lofs 
 how toanfweryou. 
 
 Frank. There is nothing, Madam, which could take 
 off from the gaiety with which your prefence infpires 
 every heart, but the fear of lofing you. How can I be 
 otherwife than as I am, when I know not but you 
 may leave London as abruptly as you did Bath ? 
 
 Enttr
 
 24 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Enter Lucetta. 
 
 Lucet. Madam, the tea is ready, and my miftrefs 
 waits for you. 
 
 Clar. Very well, I come [Exit Lucetta.] You fee, 
 Sir, I am call'd away ; but I hope you will excufe it, 
 when I leave you with an aflurance, that the bufinefs 
 which brings me to town will keep me here fome 
 time. 
 
 Frank. How generous it is in you thus to eafe the 
 heart, that knew not how to afk for fuch a favour I 
 fear to offend But this houfe, I fuppofe, is yours ? 
 Clar. You will hear of me, if not find me here. 
 Frank. I then take my leave. [Exit. 
 
 Clar. I'm undone ! He has me ! 
 
 Enter Mrs. Strickland. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Well! how do you find yourfelf? 
 Clar. I do find that if he goes on, as he has begun, 
 I mall certainly have him without giving him the leaft 
 uneafmefs. 
 
 Mrs. Sfriff. A very terrible profpeft, indeed ! 
 Clar. But I muft teaze him a little.- Where is 
 
 Jacintha ? How will me laugh at me, if I become a 
 pupil of her's, and learn to give eafe ? No, poJitively, 
 I mall never do it ! 
 
 Mrs. Strift. Poor Jacintha has met with what I fear'd 
 from Mr, Striftland's temper an utter denial. I 
 know not why, but he really grows more and moreill- 
 natur'd. 
 
 Clar. Well ! now do I heartily wifh my affairs were 
 in his power a little, that I might have a few difficul- 
 ties to furmount. I love difficulties and yet, I 
 
 don't know it is as well as it is. 
 
 Mrs. Strifl. Ha, ha, ha! Come, the tea waits. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 Enter Mr. Strickland. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Thefe doings in my houfe diftraft me : 
 I met a fine gentleman when I inquir'd who he was ; 
 why, he came to Clarinda. I met a footman too, and 
 he came to Clarinda. I mail not be eafy till me is 
 decamp'd. My wife had the character of a virtuous 
 
 woman and they have not been long acquainted. 
 
 But then they were by themfelves at Bath ! That hurts 
 
 that hurts they xnuft be watch'd they muft -I 
 
 7 kaovtr
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 25 
 
 know them, I know all their wiles, and the belt of 
 them are but hypocrites, Ha ! [Lucetta pajjes over the 
 Jtage.~\ Suppofel bribe the maid She is of their coun- 
 cil The manager of their fecrets It fhall be fo 
 Money will do it, and I fhall know all that pafles. 
 Lucetta ! 
 
 Lucet. Sir. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Lucetta ! 
 
 Re-enter Lucetta. 
 
 Lucet. Sir, if he fhould fufpeft, and fearch me now, 
 I'm undone. [Afide. 
 
 Mr. Stria. She is a fly girl, and may be ferviceable. 
 
 Lucetta, you are a good girl, and have an honeft face. 
 I like it. It looks as if it carried no deceit in it 
 [Yet if me fhould be falfe, fhe can do me molt harm. 
 
 Lucet. Pray, Sir, fpeak out, 
 
 Mr. Strifl. {Afede.\ No! fhe is a woman, and it is 
 the higheft imprudence to truft her. 
 
 Lucet. I am not able to underftand you. 
 
 Mr. Stria. I am glad of it. I would not have you 
 underftand me. 
 
 Lucet. Then what did you call me for? [If he fhould 
 be in love with my face, it would be rare fport. 
 
 [Afide. 
 
 Mr, Stria. {Afide. .] Tefter, ay, Tefter is the proper 
 perfon - Lucetta, tell Tefter I want him. 
 
 Lucetta. Yes, Sir - \_Ajide. ~\ Mighty odd, this ! it 
 gives me time however to fend Buckle with this letter 
 to his mafter. {Exit Lucetta. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Could I but be once well fatisfied that 
 my wife had really finifh'd me, I believe I fhould be as 
 quiet as if I were fure of the contrary. But whilfl I am 
 in doubt, I am miferable. 
 
 Enter Tetter. 
 
 Tefter. Does your Honour pleafe to want me ? 
 
 Stria. Ay, Tefter. - 1 need not fear. The ho- 
 nefty of his fervice, and the goodnefs of his look make 
 me fecure. I will truft him. [Afede.~\ Tefter, I think 
 I -have been a tolerable good mafter to you, 
 
 Tefter. Yes, Sir, - very tolerable. 
 
 Mr, Stria, [Afuie.] I like his fimplicity well. It 
 B promifes
 
 z6 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 promifes honefly. I have a fecret, Tefter, to impart to 
 
 you a thing of the greateft importance. Look upon 
 
 me, and don't itand picking your fingers. 
 
 Tefter. Yes, Sir. No, Sir. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. But will not his fimplicity expofe him the 
 more to Lucetta's cunning ? Yes, yes ! me will worm 
 the fecret out of him. I had better truft her with it at 
 
 once. So I will. [A/ide.] Teller, go, fend 
 
 Lucetta hither. 
 
 Tejter. Yes, Sir, -here fhe is. 
 
 Re-enter Lucetta. 
 Lucetta, my mafter wants you. 
 
 Mr. Stritl. Get you down, Tefter. 
 
 Tejter. Yes, Sit. [Exit Teller. 
 
 Lucet. If you want me, Sir, I beg you would make 
 hafte, for I have a thoufand things to do. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Well ! well ! what I have to fay will not 
 take up much time, could I but perfuade you to be 
 honeft. 
 
 Lucet. Why, Sir, I hope you don't fufpeft my ho- 
 nefty? 
 
 Mr. Stritf. Well ! well 1 I believe you honeft. 
 
 [Shuts the Door. 
 
 Lucet. What can be at the bottom of all this r [AjiJe. 
 
 Mr. Strict. So! we cannot be too private. Come 
 hither, huifey ! nearer yet. 
 
 Lttcef. Laud ! Sir ! you are not going to be rude. I 
 vow I will call out. 
 
 Mr. Strttf. Hold your tongue. Does the baggage 
 laugh at me ? [Afidt.~\ She does flic mocks me, and 
 will reveal it to my wife ; and her infolence upon it will 
 be more infupportable to me than cuckoldom itfelf. I 
 
 have not leifufe now, Lucetta fome other time 
 
 bum! did not the bell ring? yes, yes: my wife wants 
 you. Go, go, goto her. \PuJhet her cut.] There is 
 no hell on earth like being a flave to fufpicion. 
 
 o//. 
 
 SCENE The Piazza, Covent-Garden. 
 
 Enter Bellamy and Jack Meggot. 
 Bella. Nay, nay, I would not put your family into 
 any confufion. 
 
 Jack Mfg. None in life, my dear, I aflure you. I 
 
 will
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 27 
 
 will go and order every thing this inftant for her re- 
 ception. 
 
 Bella. You are too obliging, Sir ; but you need not 
 be in this hurry, for I am in no certainty when I fliall 
 trouble you. I only know that my Jacintha has taken 
 fuch a refolution. 
 
 Jack Meg. Therefore we mould be prepar'd ; for 
 when once a lady has fuch a refolution in her head, {he 
 is upon the rack till me executes it. Foregad ! Mr. 
 Bellamy, this muft be a girl of fire. 
 Enter Frankly. 
 
 Frank. Buxom and lively as the bounding Doe : 
 Fair as painting can exprefs, or youthful poets fancy when 
 they love. Tol de rol, lol! \JSinginganddancing. 
 
 Bella. Who is this you talk thus rapturoufly of? 
 
 Frank. Who fhould it be, but 1 mall' know her 
 
 name to-morrow. [Siags end dances. 
 
 Jack Meg. What is the matter ? ho ! is the man 
 mad ? 
 
 Frank. Even fo, gentlemen, as mad as love and joy 
 can make me. 
 
 Bella. But inform us whence this joy proceeds. 
 
 Frank. Joy ! joy ! my lads ! fhe's found ! my perdita ! 
 my charmer ! 
 
 JacL Meg. Egad ! her charms have bewitch'd the 
 man, I think But who is me? 
 
 Bella. Come, come, tell us, who is this wonder ? 
 
 Frank. But will you fay nothing? 
 
 Bella. Nothing, as I live. 
 
 Frank. Nor you ? 
 
 Jack Meg. I'll be as filent as the grave 
 
 Frank. With a tombftone upon it, to tell every one 
 whole dull it carries. 
 
 Jack Meg. I'll be as fecret as a debauch'd prude 
 
 Frank. Whofe fandity every one fufpefts. Jack, 
 Jack, 'tis not in thy nature. Keeping a fecret is worfe 
 to thee, than keeping thy accounts. But, to leave 
 fooling, liftcn to me both, that I may whifper it into 
 your ears, that echo may not catch the finking found 
 
 1 cannot tell who me is. 'faith Tofde rol, 
 
 lol! 
 
 Jack Meg. Mad ! mad ! very mad ! 
 
 Frank. All I know of her is, that (he is a charming 
 B 2 woman,
 
 2 8 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND, 
 
 woman, and has given me liberty to vifit her again 
 
 Bellamy, 'tis me, the lovely fhe. [Jf/it/e* 
 
 Bella. So I did fuppofe. [To Frankly. 
 
 Jack Meg. Poor Charles ! for Heaven's fake, Mr. 
 
 Bellamy, perfuade him home to his chamber whilfl I 
 
 prepare every thing for you at home. Adieu. \_Afide t 
 
 Bellamy.'] B'ye, Charles ! ha, ha, ha ! [Exit. 
 
 Frank. O love ! thou art a gift worthy of a God 
 indeed ! dear Bellamy, nothing now could add to my 
 pleafure but to fee my friend as deep in love as I am. 
 
 Bella. I mew my heart is capable of love, by the friend- 
 ihip it bears to you. 
 
 Frank. The light of friendfhip looks but dim before 
 the brighter flame of love. Love is the fpring of chear- 
 fulnefs and joy. Why, how dull and phlegmatic do you 
 mew to me now, whiliil am all life ; light as feather'd 
 
 Mercury ! You dull and cold as earth and water ; I 
 
 light and warm as air and fire. Thefe are the only 
 elements in Love's world ! why, Bellamy, for fhamc ! 
 get thee a miftrefs, and be fociable. 
 
 Bella. Frankly, I am now going to 
 
 Frank. Why that face now ? your humble fervant, 
 Sir. My flood of joy fliall not be llopt by your melan- 
 choly fits, I allure you. [Going] 
 
 Bella. Stay, Frankly, I beg you ftay. What would 
 you fay now, if I really were in love ? 
 
 Frank. Why faith, thou haft fuch romantic notions 
 of fenfe and honour, that I know not what to fay. 
 
 Bella. To confefs the truth then, I am in love. 
 
 Frank. And do you confefs it as if it were a fin ? 
 Proclaim it aloud. Glory in it. Boaft of it as your 
 greatelt virtue. Swear it wilh a lover's oath, and I will 
 believe you . 
 
 Bella. Why then, by the bright eyes of her I love 
 
 Frank. Well faid ! 
 
 Bella. By all that's tender, amiable, and foft in 
 woman 
 
 Prank. Bravo! 
 
 Bella. I fwear, 1 am as true an inamorato as ever 
 tagg'd rime. 
 
 Frank. And art thou then thoroughly in love ? Come 
 
 ) my arms, thou dear companion of my joys ! 
 
 [They embrace. 
 Enter
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 2$ 
 
 Enter Ranger, 
 
 Rang. Why Hey ! is there never a wench to 
 
 be got for love nor money ? 
 
 Bella. Pfhaw ! Ranger here ! 
 
 Ranger. Yes, Ranger is here, and perhaps does not 
 come Jo impertinently as you may imagine. Faith ! I 
 think I have the knack of finding cut fccrets. Nay, 
 
 never look fo queer Here is a letter, Mr. Bellamy, 
 
 that feems to promife you better diver lion than your 
 hugging one another. 
 
 Bella. What do you mean ? 
 
 Rfing. Do you deal much in thefe paper tokens ? 
 
 Bella. Oh ! the dear kind creature ! it is from her- 
 felf. [To Frankly. 
 
 Rang. What, is it a pair of lac'd (hoes fhe wants ? or 
 have the boys broke her windows i 
 
 Bella. Hold your prophane tongue !: 
 
 Frank. Nay, prithee, Bellamy, don't keep it to your- 
 felf, as if her whole afte&ions were contain'd in thofe 
 few lines. 
 
 Rang. Prithee let him alone to his filent raptures. 
 
 But it is, as I always faid- your grave men ever are 
 
 the greateft whoremafters. 
 
 Bella. I cannot be difoblig'd now, fay what you will. 
 But how came this into your hands ? 
 
 Rang. Your fervant, Buckle, and I chang'd commif- 
 fions : he went on my errand, and I came on his. 
 
 Bella. 'Sdeath ! I want him this very inftant. 
 
 Rang. He will be here prefently : but I demand to 
 know what I have brought you ? 
 
 Frank. Ay, ay, out with it ! you know we never 
 blab, and may be of fervice. 
 
 Bella. Twelve o'clock ! oh ! the dear hour. 
 
 Rang. Why, it is a pretty convenient time, indeed. 
 
 Bella. By all that's happy, me promifes in this letter 
 
 here to leave her guardian this very night 
 
 and run away with me. 
 
 Rang. How is this ? 
 
 Bella. Nay, I know not how myfelf me fays at the 
 
 bottom Your fervant has full inftruftiom from Lucetta 
 
 bc*ui to equip me for my expedition. I ivill not trujl myfelf 
 
 borne ivitbyou to-night, becaufe I know it is inconvenient ; 
 
 B 3 therefore
 
 30 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 therefore I hg you would procure me a lodging : it is at 
 matter how far off' my guardian's.- Tciir's Jacinth'a. 
 
 Rang, Carry her to a Bagnio, and there you may 
 lodge with her. 
 
 Frank. Why, this muft be a girl of fpirit, faith! 
 
 Bella. And beauty equal to her fprightlinefs. I love 
 
 her, and {he loves me She has thirty thoufand 
 
 to her fortune. 
 
 Rang. The Devil fhe has ! 
 
 Bella. And never plays at cards. 
 
 Rang. Nor does any one thing like any other woman, 
 I fuppofe. 
 
 Frank. Not fo, I hope, neither. 
 
 Bella. O Frankly, Ranger, I never felt fuch eafe 
 before! The fecret's out, and you don't laugh at me. 
 
 Frank. Laugh at thee ! for loving a woman of 
 
 thirty thoufand pounds ! thou art a moft unaccountable 
 fellow. 
 
 Rang. How the Devil could he work her up to this ? 
 I never could have had the face to have done it. But 
 
 1 know not how There is a degree of af- 
 
 furance in you modeft gentlemen, which we impudent 
 fellows never can come up to. 
 
 Bslla. Oh ! your fervant, good Sir. You mould 
 not abufe me now, Ranger, but do all you can to affift 
 me. 
 
 Rang. Why, look ye, Bellamy, I am a damnable 
 
 unlucky fellow and fo will have nothing to do in. 
 
 rhis affair. I'll take care to be out of the way, fo as to 
 do you no harm. That is all I can anfwer for : and fo 
 
 fuccefs attend you. [Going.] I cannot leave 
 
 you quite to yourfelf neither, for if this mould prove a 
 Round-houfe affair, as I make no doubt it will, I believe 
 I may have more interelt there than you : and fo, Sir, 
 you may hear of me at \WhiJpers.~\ 
 
 Bella. For fhame, Ranger ! the molt noted gaming- 
 houfe in town. 
 
 Rang. Forgive me this once, my boy. I muft go, 
 faith, to pay a debt of honour to feme ofthegreateft 
 rafcals in town. [Exit. 
 
 Frank. But where do you defign to lodge her ? 
 
 Bella. At Mr. Meggot's He is already gone to 
 prepare for her reception. 
 
 Frank*
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 31 
 
 Frank, The properelt place in the world. His aunts 
 will entertain her with honour. 
 
 Bella. And the newnefs of her acquaintance will pre- 
 vent it's being fufpedted. Frankly, give me your 
 
 hand. This is a very critical time. 
 
 Frank. Pho ! none of your muily reflections now. 
 When a man is in love to the very brink of matrimony, 
 what the Devil has he to do with Plutarch and Seneca? 
 
 Here is your fervant with a face full of bufniefs 
 
 I'll leave you together 1 (hall be at the King's 
 
 arms, where, if you want my afliftance, you may find 
 
 me. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Buckle. 
 
 Bella, So Buckle you feem to have your 
 
 hands full. 
 
 Buck. Not fuller than my head, Sir, I promife you. 
 You have iiad your letter, I hope ? 
 
 Bella. Yes, and in it ilie refers me to you for my 
 initruclions. 
 
 Buck. Why, the affair ftands thus. As Mr. Stridt- 
 
 land fees the door lock'd and barr'd every night him- 
 felf, and takes the key up with him, k is impoflible 
 for us to efcape any way but through the window: for 
 which purpofe I have a ladder of ropes. 
 
 Bella. Good 
 
 Buck. And, becaufe a hoop, as the ladies wear them 
 now, is not the moft decent drefs to come down a ladder 
 in I have, in this other bundle, a fuit of boys deaths, 
 which, I believe, will fit her : at lealt it will ferve the 
 time me will want it. .You will foon be for pul- 
 ling it off, I fuppofe. 
 
 Bella. Why, you are in fpirits, you rogue! 
 
 Buck. Thefe I am now to convey to Lucetta 
 Have you any thing to fay, Sir ? 
 
 Bella. Nothing, but that I will not fail at the hour 
 appointed. Bring me word to Mr. Meggot's how you 
 go on. Succeed in this, and it mall make your fortune. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 84 ACT
 
 32 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 ACT III. SCENE the Street before Mr. 
 Hoxfe. 
 
 Enter Bellamy in a Chairman's Coat. 
 
 Bella. T T O W tedioufly have the minutes part thefe 
 
 J laft few hours ! and the envious rogues will 
 
 fly, no lightning quicker, when we would have them 
 
 Itay.r Hold, let me not miftake. This is the 
 
 houfe. [Pulls out bis watch.] By Heaven! it is 
 
 not yet the hour ! I hear fomebody coming. The 
 
 moon's fo bright 1 had better not be here 'till the 
 
 happy inllant comes. [Exit. 
 
 Enter Frankly. 
 
 Frank. Wine is no antidote to love, but rather feec?s 
 the flame. Now am I fuch an amorous puppy, that I 
 cannot walk itraight home, but muft come out of my 
 way to take a view of my queen's palace by moon-light 
 
 Ay, here Itands the temple where my goddefs i* 
 
 adored ! the doors open ! [Retires. 
 
 Enter Lucetta. 
 
 Lucet. [Under the window.] Madam, Madam, hill! 
 
 Madam How mall I make her hear ? 
 
 Jacintha in boy y i deaths at the window. 
 
 Jacin. Who is there ? What's the matter ? 
 
 Lucet. It is I, madam, you mult not pretend to- 
 
 flir 'till I give the word you'll be difcover'd if you 
 
 do 
 
 Frank, [dftde.} What do I fee ! a man. My heart 
 mifgives me ! 
 
 Lucet. My mailer is below fitting up for Mrs. Cla- 
 rinda. He raves as if he were mad about her being 
 out fo late. 
 
 Frank. \^AJide."\ Here is fome intrigue or other. I 
 muft fee more of this, before I give further way to 
 love. 
 
 Lucet. One minute he is in the ftreet the next he b 
 in the kitchen : now he will lock her out, and then 
 he'll wait himfelf, and fee what figure fhe makes when 
 flje vouchfafes to venture home. 
 
 Jacin. I long to have it over. Get me but once out 
 of this houfe ! 
 
 Frank, [djide. ,] Cowardly rafcal ! would I were in 
 his place. Lucft,
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 33 
 
 Lucet. If I can but fix him any where, I can let you 
 
 out myfelf you have the ladder ready in cafe of 
 
 neceflity. 
 
 Jacin. Yes, yes ! [Exit Lucetta. 
 
 Frank. [Afidc.] The ladder! this muft lead to fome 
 difcovery. I fhall watch you, my young gentleman, I 
 fliall. 
 
 Enter Clarinda and Servant. 
 
 Clar. This whift is a moll enticing Devil. I am a- 
 fraid I am too late for Mr. Strickland's fober hours. 
 
 Jacin. Ha ! I hear a noife ! 
 
 Clar. No ! I fee a light in Jacintha's window. You 
 may go home. . \Gitvig the fcrvant mongy.~\ I am ife. 
 
 Jacin, Sure it murt be he ! Mr. Bellamy. Sir. 
 
 Frank. \_Ajide.~\ Docs not he call to me ? 
 
 Clar. \_AJide. ] Ha I who's that ? 1 am frighted out f 
 my wits. A man ! 
 
 "Jacin. Is it you ? 
 
 Frank. Yes ! yes ! 'tis I ! 'tis I ! 
 
 Jacin. Liften at the door. 
 
 Frank. I will, 'tis open There is no noik 
 
 All's quiet. 
 
 Clar. Sure it is my fpark and talking to Jacintha. 
 
 [Af,dc. 
 
 Frank. You may come down the ladder quick. 
 
 Jacin. Catch it then and hold it. 
 
 Frank. I have it. Now I fliall fee what fort of mettle 
 my young fpark is made of. \_AJiJe.. 
 
 Clar. With a ladder too ! I'll affure you. But I mult 
 fee the end of it. [Afidc* 
 
 Jiicin. Hark 1 did not fomebody fpeak ? 
 
 Frank. No ! no! be not fearful 'Sdeath ! we are. 
 difcover'd. [Frankly and Clarinda retire 
 
 Enter Lucetta. 
 
 Lucet. Hift, hift ! are you ready ? 
 
 Jacin. Yes, may I venture ? 
 
 Lucet. Now is your time. He is in high conference 
 with his privy coanfellor, Mr. Tefter. You may come 
 down the back ftairs, and I'll let you out. 
 
 [Exit Lucetta. 
 
 Jacin. I will, I will, and am heartily glad of it. 
 
 [Exit Jacinth*.. 
 B 5
 
 34 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Frank. [Advancing^ May be fo but you and I fliali 
 have a fe\y words before you get off fo cleanly. 
 
 Clar. [Advancing] How lucky it was I came home 
 at this inltant ! 1 mall fpoil his fport, I believe. Do you 
 know me, Sir ? 
 
 Frank. I am amaz'd ! you here ! this was unexpected 
 indeed ! 
 
 Clar. Why, I believe, I do come a little unexpected- 
 ly ; but I mall amaze you more I know the whole 
 courfe of your amour ; all the procefs of your mighty 
 paflion from its firft rife 
 
 Frank. What is all this ! 
 
 Clar. To the very conclufion, which you vainly hope 
 to efFeft this night. 
 
 Frank. By Heaven, madam, I know not what you. 
 mean. I came hither purely to contemplate on your 
 beauties. 
 
 Clar. Any beauties, Sir, I find will ferve your turn. 
 Did I not hear you talk to her at the window i 
 
 Frank. Her ! 
 
 Clar. Blufh, blufh, for mame ; but be aflur'd you 
 have feen the laft both of Jacinth a and me. [Exit. 
 
 Frank. Jacintha ! Hear me, Madam (he is gone. 
 This muft certainly be Bellamy's miftrefs, and I have 
 1 fairly Ain'd all his fcheme. This it is to be in luck. 
 Enter Bellamy behind. 
 
 Bella. Ha ! a man under the window ! 
 
 Frank. No, here me comes, and I may convey her 
 to him. 
 
 Enter Jacintha, and runs to Frankjy. 
 
 Jacin. I have at laft got to you : let's hafte away * 
 Oh! 
 
 Frank. Be not frightcn'd, lady. 
 
 Jacin. Oh ! am I abus'd, betray'd ! 
 
 Bella. Betray'd, Frankly ! 
 
 Frank. Bellamy! 
 
 Bella. I can fcarce believe it, though I fee it, draw 
 
 Frank. Hear me, Bellamy lady. 
 
 yacin. Stay do not fight. 
 
 Frank. I am innocent ; it is all a miftake. 
 
 Jacin. For my fake, be quiet we mail be djfco- 
 ver'd. The family is alarm'd. 
 
 Bella. You are obey'd Mr. Frankly, there is but 
 one way Frank*
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 35 
 
 Frank. I underftand you. Any time but now. You 
 
 will certainly be difcover'd. To-morrow at your 
 
 chambers 
 
 Bella. Till then farewell. [Exeunt Bella, and Jacin. 
 
 Fran. Then when he is cool, I may be heard ; and 
 
 the real, though fufpicious account of this matter may be 
 
 believ'd. Yet, admidft all this perplexity, it pleafes 
 
 me to find my fair Incognita is jealous of my love. 
 
 Mr. Stt id. [Within] Where's Lucetta ? fearch every 
 place ! 
 
 Frank. Hark \ the cry is up 1 muft be gone. 
 
 [Exit Frankly. 
 
 Enter Mr. Striftland, Tefter, and Servants. 
 Mr. Strifl. She's gone! me's loft! I am cheated! 
 purfue her ! feek her ! 
 
 Tefter. Sir, all her cloaths are in her chamber. 
 Ser<v. Sir, Mrs. Clarinda faid me was in boy's cloaths. 
 Mr. Stritf. Ay, ay ! I know it Bellamy has her 
 come alor.g puri'ue her. [Exeunt. 
 
 Enter Ranger. 
 
 Rang. Hark ! Was not the noife this way 
 
 no there is no game ftirring. This fame god- 
 defs, Diana, mines io bright with her chaftity, that, 
 egad ! I believe the wenches are afliam'd to look her 
 in the face. Now I am in an admirable mood for a 
 frolic ! have wine in my head, and money in my 
 f ocket, and fo am furnim'd out for the caiuionading 
 any Countefs in Chriftendom ! Ha ! what have we 
 here ? a ladder ! this cannot be placed here for nothing 
 and a window open is it love or mifchief now that 
 
 is going on within ? 1 care not which I am in a 
 
 right cue for either up I go, " neck or nothing" 
 
 flay do I not ftand a greater chance of 
 
 fpoiling fport than I do of making any ? that I hate as 
 
 much as I love the other there can be no harm in 
 
 feeing how the land lies I'll up [Goes up foftly] 
 
 all is hufh ha ! a light and a woman, by all 
 
 that's lucky, neither old nor crooked I'll in ha! me 
 is gone again ! I will after her, [Gets in at the window] 
 and, for fear of the fquawls of virtue, and the purfuit 
 of the family, I will make fure of the ladder. Now, 
 Fortune, be my guide. [Exit 'with tie ladder* 
 
 B6 SCEN&
 
 36 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 SCENE Mrs. Striftland's D> -effing-Room. 
 Enter Mrs. Stri&lznd foltowed by Lucetta. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Well ! I am in great hopes fhe will 
 efcape. 
 
 Lucet. Never fear, Madam. The lovers have the 
 ftart of him, and I warrant they keep it. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Were Mr. Stri&land ever to fufpeft my 
 being privy to her flight, I know not what might be 
 the confequence 
 
 Lucet. Then you had better be undreffing he may 
 return immediately. 
 \_As foe is Jilting down to the toilet Ranger enters behind. ~\ 
 
 Rang. Young and beautiful \Aficte. 
 
 Lucet. I have watch'd him pretty narrowly of late, 
 and never once fufpefted till this morning 
 
 Mrs. Stria. And who gave you authority to watch 
 his aftions, or pry into his fecrets ? 
 
 Lucet. I hope, Madam, you are not angry. I thought 
 it might have been of fervice to you to know my maf- 
 ter was jealous. 
 
 Rang. And her hufband jealous ! If fhe does but fevd 
 away the maid, I am happy. 
 
 Mrs. Strict. [Angrily] Leave me. 
 
 Lucet. This it is to meddle with other people's affairs. 
 
 [Exit in anger. 
 
 Rang. What a lucky dog I am ! I never made a 
 gentleman a cuckold before. Now, Impudence, afllil 
 me. 
 
 Mrs. Strifl. \_Ri/ing.~\ Provoking ! I am fure I never 
 have deferv'd it of him. 
 
 Rang. Oh ! cuckold him by all means, Madam, 
 1 am your man ! [She pricks.] Oh, fy, Madam ! If you 
 fijuawl fo curfedly you will be difcover'd. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Difcover'd ! what mean yon, Sir ? dt> 
 you come to abufe me ? 
 
 Raag. Til do my endeavour, Madam : you can have 
 no more. 
 
 Mrs. StrifJ. Whence came you ? how got you here f 
 
 Rang. Dear Madam, fo long as I am here, what 
 fignifies how I got here, or whence I came ? but that I 
 may fotisfy your curiofity : Firlt, as to your whence 
 came you ? I anfwer, out of the ftreet ; and, to your 
 how got you here ? I fay, in at the window. It flood 
 
 fo
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 37 
 
 fo invitingly open, it was irrefiftible. But, Madam 
 you was going to undrefs j I beg I may not incommode 
 you. 
 
 Mrs, Stria. This is the moft confummate piece of 
 impudence ! 
 
 Rang. For Heaven's fake have one drop of pity for a 
 poor young fellow, who long has lov'd you. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. What would the fellow have ? 
 
 Rang. Your hufband's ufage will excufe you to the 
 world. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. I cannot bear this infolence ! help ! 
 belpl 
 
 Rang. Oh ! hold that clamorous tongue, Madam ! 
 fpeak one word more and I am gone, pofitively gone. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Gone ! fo I would have you. 
 
 Rang. Lord, Madam ! you are fo hafly. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Shall I not fpeak, when a thief, a rob- 
 ber, breaks into my houfe at midnight ? Help ! help ! 
 
 Rang. Ha ! no one hears. Now, Cupid, aflift me-! 
 Look ye, Madam, I never could make fine fpeeches, 
 and cringe, and bow, and fawn, and flatter, and lit*. 
 1 have faid more to you already than I ever faid to a 
 woman, in fuchcircumflances, in all my life. But, fince 
 T find you will yield to no perfuafion to your good I 
 will gently force you to be grateful.- [Throws down his 
 bat, and feizes her.} Come, come! unbend that brow, 
 and look more kindly on me ! 
 
 Mrs. Strjff. For fhame, Sir Thus on my knees let 
 me beg for mercy. [Kneeling^ 
 
 Rang. And thus, on mine, let me beg the fame. 
 
 [He kneels, catches, and kij/es her. 
 
 Mr. Stria. \}Vitbin\ Take away her fword ! fhe'll 
 hurt herfelf ! 
 
 Mrs. Stria. O Heavens ! that is my hufbandlj 
 voice ! 
 
 Rang. \_Rtfng.'] The Devil it is ! 
 
 Mr. Stria. [Within.] Take away her fword, I" fay; 
 and then I can clofe with her. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. He is upon the flairs, now coming up. 
 I am undone if he fees you. 
 
 Rang. Pox on him, I mufl decamp then. Which, 
 way . ? 
 
 Mrs, Stria. Thro' this paffage into the next chamber.
 
 3* THE SUSPICIOUS IHUSKAND, 
 
 Rang. And fo into the ftreet. With all my heart, 
 You may be perfectly eafy, Madam. Mum's the word, 
 I never blab. [Afede.~\ I fhall not leave off fo, but wait 
 till the laft moment. [Exit Ranger. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. So, he is gone I what could I have laid 
 if he had been difcover'd ! 
 Enter Mr. Striclland, driving i* Jacintha, Lucetta 
 
 . Mr. Stria. Once more, my pretty mafculine Madam, 
 you are welcome home. And I hope to keep you fome- 
 what clofer than I have done j for to-morrow morning 
 eight o'clock is the lateft hour you fhall flay in this lewd 
 town. 
 
 Jacin. O, Sir! when once a girl is equip'd with a 
 hearty refolution, it is not your worfhip's fagacity, nor 
 the great chain at your gate, can hinder her from doing 
 what me has a mind. 
 
 Mr. Stria. O Lord ! Lord !. how this love improves 
 a young lady's modefty ! 
 
 Jacin. Am I to blame to feek for happinefs any 
 .where, when you are refolved to make me miferable 
 here ? 
 
 Mr. Strict. I have this night prevented your making 
 yourfelf fo ; and will endeavour to do it for the future. 
 I have you fafe now, and the Devil fhall not get you 
 out of my clutches again. I have lock'd the doors and 
 barr'd them, I warrant you. So here [Giving her a 
 candle.} Troop to your chamber and to bed, whilft you 
 are well. Go [He treads on Ranger's Hat.] What's 
 here f a hat 1. a man's hat in my wife's dreffiug-room ! 
 
 [Looking at the bat. 
 
 Mrs. Strifi. [Aftae.] What fhall I do ? 
 
 Mr. Stria. {Taking up the bat, and looking at Mrs. 
 Striaiand.] Ha ! by Hell ! I fee 'tis true. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. My fears confound me. I dare not tell 
 the truth, and know not how to frame a lye ! [Af.de. 
 , Mr. Stria. Mrs. Striftland ! Mrs. Strickland ! How 
 came this hat into your chamber ? 
 
 Lucet. [Afedi.~\ Are you that way difpos'd, my fine 
 lady, and will not truft me ? 
 
 Mr. Stria. Speak, wretch, fpeak. . . 
 
 Jacin. I could not have fufpec~led this. [AJlde.. 
 
 Mr. Stri8. Why doit thou not fpeak. i
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND, yj 
 
 Mrs. Sir iff. Sir 
 
 Mr. Stria. Guilt 'tis guilt that ties your 
 tongue ! 
 
 Lucet. I muft bring her off, however. No chamber- 
 maid can help it \_Afide. 
 
 Mr. Stril. My fears are juft, and I am miferable! 
 Thou worft of women 1 
 
 Mrs. Stri3. I know my innocence, and can bear this 
 no longer. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. I know you are falfe and 'tis I who will 
 bear my injuries no longer. {Both walk about in a pajpon. 
 
 Lucet. [To Jacintha afide.] Is not the hat yours? Own 
 it, Madam. \Takes away Jacintha'/ hat, and exit. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. What ground ? what caufe have you for 
 jealoufy, when you yourfelf can vvitnefs your leaving- 
 me was accidental, your return uncertain ; and expecled 
 even fooner than it happen'd? The abufe is grefs and 
 palpable. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. Why, this is true ! 
 
 Mrs. Strict. Indeed, Jacintha ! I am innocent. 
 
 Mr. Stritf. And yet this hat mull belong to fome- 
 body. 
 
 Jacin. Dear Mrs. Strickland, be not concern'd 
 
 When he has diverted himfejf a little longer with it 
 
 Mr. Stria. Ha ! 
 
 Jacin. I fuppofe he will give me my hat again ? 
 
 Mr. Stria. Your hat ? 
 
 Jacin. Yes, my hat. You brum'd it from my fide 
 yourfelf, and then trod upon it ; whether on purpofe to 
 abufe this lady or no, you beft know yourfelf. 
 
 Mr. Stria. It cannot be 'tis all a lie. 
 
 Jacin. Believe fo ftill with all my heart But the 
 hat is mine. " Now-, Sir, 'who does it belong to 
 
 [Snatches it, puts it on* 
 fo? 
 
 Mr. Strict. Why did me look fo ? 
 
 Jacin. Your violence of temper is too much for her. 
 You ufe her ill, and then fufpeft her for that confufion 
 which you yourfelf occafion. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Why did not you fet me right at rft ? 
 
 Jacin. Your hard ufage of me, Sir, is a fufficient rea- 
 fon why I mould not be much concern'd to undeceive 
 you at all. 'Tis for your lady's fake I do it now ; wha- 
 deferves much better of you than to be thus expos'd 
 6 for
 
 4 o THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 for every flight fufpicion. See where (he fits Go to 
 her. 
 
 Mrs. Striff. [rij!g.] Indeed, Mr. StrifUand, I have 
 a foul as much above 
 
 Mr. Stritf. Whew ! now you have both found your 
 tongues, and I muft bear their eternal rattle ! 
 
 Jacin. For fhame ! Sir, Go to her, and 
 
 Mr. Stria. Well, well, what ftiall I fay ? I forgive. 
 all is over. I, I, I forgive ! 
 
 Mrs. Strifl. Forgive ! What do you mean ? 
 
 Jacin. Forgive her ! is that all ? Confider, Sir 
 
 Mr. Stria. Hold hold your confounded tongues, 
 and I'll do any thing. I'll afk pardon or forgive 
 or any thing. Good now, be quiet I afk your pardon 
 there [Kijffes her.\ For you, Madam I am infi- 
 nitely oblig'd to you, and I. cou'd almoft find in my 
 heart to make you a return in kind, by marrying you to 
 a beggar but I have more confcience. Come, come,, 
 to your chamber Here, take this candle 
 Enter Lucetta pertly. 
 
 Lucet. Sir, if you pleafe, I will light my young lady, 
 to bed. 
 
 Mr. Stri3. No, no ! no fuch thing, good Madam. 
 She ihall have nothing but her pillow to confult this. 
 night, I aflure you So, in, in. [The ladies take leave.] 
 [Exit Jacintha.] Good night, kind Madam. 
 
 Lucet. Pox of the jealous fool ! We might both have 
 efcap'd out of the window purely. [djlde. 
 
 Mr. Stricl. Go, get you down ; and, .do you hear? or- 
 der the coach to be ready in the morning at eight exaftly. 
 [Exit Lucetta.] So, fhe is fafe till to-morrow, and then 
 for the country ; and when me is there, I can manage 
 as I think fit. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Dear Mr. Stridland 
 
 Mr. Strift. I am not in a humour, Mrs. Stridland, fit 
 to talk with you Go to bed I will endeavour to get: 
 the better of my temper, if I can I'll follow you. [EjdK 
 Mrs. Striiland.~\ How defpicable have I inademyielf L ' 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 SCENE Another chamber*. 
 Enter Ranger. 
 
 Rang. All feems hufh'd again, and I may ventuse 
 fut> J may as well fneak off whilil I am in a whole; 
 
 flun,.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 41 
 
 fldn. And fhall fo much love and claret as I am in 
 poiieffion of, only lull me to Jleep, when it might fo 
 much better keep me waking? Forbid it, Fortune! 
 and forbid it, Love ! This is a chamber, perhaps of 
 fome bewitching female, and I may yet be happy. Ha ! 
 a light ! the door opens. A boy '. pox on him. 
 
 [He retires. 
 Enter Jacintha, with a candle. 
 
 Jacin. I have been liftening at the door ; and from 
 their filence, I conclude they are peaceably gone to 
 bed together. 
 
 Rang. A pretty boy, faith ! He feems uneafy. [AJide. 
 
 Jacin. [Sitting down.} What an unlucky night has 
 this proved to me ? Every circumflance has fallen out 
 unhappily. 
 
 Rang. He talks aloud. I'll liften. [Afide. 
 
 Jacin. But what moft amazes me is, that Clarinda, 
 mould betray me ! 
 
 Rang. Clarinda I flie muft be a woman ! well, what 
 of her ? [Afide. 
 
 Jacin. My guardian elfe would never have fufpefted 
 my difguife. 
 
 Rang. [Afide.'} Difguife ! Ha, it muft be fo. What 
 eyes me has ? What a dull rogue was I not to Aifpeft 
 this fooner ? 
 
 Jacin. Ha, I had forgot the ladder is at the win- 
 dow ftill, and I will boldly venture by myfelf. [rifing 
 brijk ly,fees Ranger.] Ha! a man, and .well dreft ! Ha, 
 Mrs. Strickland, are you then at laft difhoneft ! 
 
 Rang. [AJide,~\ By all my wimes me is a charming 
 woman ! lucky rafcal ! 
 
 Jacin. But I will, if poflible, conceal her fhame, and 
 ftand the brunt of his impertinence. 
 
 Rang. What fhall I fay to her? No matter ! anything 
 foft will do the bufmefs. [Ajide. 
 
 Jacin. Who are you ? 
 
 Rang. A man, young gentleman. 
 
 Jacin. And what would you have ? 
 
 Rang. A woman. 
 
 Jacin. You are very free, Sir. Here are none for 
 you. 
 
 Rang. Ay, but there is one, and a fair one too ; the 
 molt charming creature Nature ever let her hand to ; 
 
 and
 
 42 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 and you are the dear little pilot that muft dired me 
 to her heart. 
 
 Jacin. What mean you, Sir? It is an office I am not 
 accuftomed to. 
 
 Rang . You won't have far to go, however. I never 
 make my errands tedioas. It is to your own heart, 
 dear Madam, I would have you whifper in my behalf. 
 Nay, never ftart. Think you fuch beauty could ever 
 be conceal'd from eyes fo well acquainted with it's 
 charms ? 
 
 Jacin. What will become of me ! If I cry out, Mrs. 
 Striclland is undone. This is my laft refort. \Afede. 
 
 Rang. Pardon, dear lady, the boldnefs of this vifit, 
 which your guardian's care has forc'd me to But I 
 long havelov'd you, long doted on that beauteous face, 
 and follow'd you from place to place, though, perhaps, 
 unknown and unregarded. 
 
 Jacin. Here's a fpecial fellow. [AJide. 
 
 Rang. Turn then an eye of pity on my fufferings ; 
 and by Heaven one tender Icok from thofe piercing 
 *yes, one touch of this foft hand [Going ta take her band. 
 
 Jacin. Hold, Sir no nearer. 
 
 Rang. Would more than repay whole years of pain. 
 
 Jacin. Hear me j but keep your diiiance, or I'll 
 raife the family 
 
 Rang . Bleffings on her tongue, only for prattling to 
 me. ' [Afide. 
 
 Jacin. Oh, for a moment's courage, and 1 mall 
 rhame him from his purpofe. \_Afide. ~\ If I were certain 
 fo much gallantry had been fliown on my account 
 only 
 
 . Rang. You wrong your beauty to think that any other 
 could have power to draw me hither. By all the little 
 Loves that play about your lips, I fvvear 
 
 Jacin. You came to me, and me alone 
 
 Rang. By all the thoufand graces that inhabit there, 
 you, and only you, have drawn me hither. 
 
 Jacin. Wellfaid. 
 
 Rang. By Heaven me comes ! ah, honeft Ranger, I 
 never knew thee fail ! [Aftde. 
 
 Jacin. Pray, Sir, where did you leave thi hat ? 
 
 Reng. That hat '.That hat ! 'tis my hat I dropt 
 it in the next chamber as I was looking for yours. 
 
 Jacin.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 43 
 
 Jacin. How mean and despicable do you look now ! 
 
 Rang. So, fo! I am in a pretty pickle ! [AKJe. 
 
 Jacin. You know by this, that I am acquainted with 
 every tiling that has paffed within, and how ill it agree* 
 with what you have profeffed to me Let me advife 
 you, Sir, to be gone immediately. Through that win- 
 dow you may eaiily get into the tfreet One fcream of 
 mine, the leait noife at that door, will wake the 
 houfe. 
 
 Rang. Say you fo ? \_Afide. 
 
 Jacin. Believe me, Sir, an injur'd huiband ie not fo 
 eafily appeas'd, and a fufpected wife that is jealous of 
 her honour 
 
 Rang. Is the Devil, and fo let's have no more of her. 
 Look ye, Madam, [Getting between the doer end ber.~\ I 
 have but one argument left, and that is afirongone: 
 Look on me well, I am as handfome, a ftrong", well 
 made fellow, as any about town, and fince we are alone, 
 as I take it, we can have no occafion to be more private. 
 [Going to lay bold of her. 
 
 Jacin. I Kave a reputation, Sir, and will maintain it, 
 
 Jiang. You have a bewitching pair of eyes. 
 
 Jacin. Confider my virtue. [Struggling. 
 
 Rang. Confider your beauty and my defires. 
 
 Jacin. Jf I were a man, you dar'd not ufe me thus. 
 
 Rang. I mould not have the fame temptation. 
 
 Jacin. Hear me, Sir, I will be heard. [Breaks from 
 bim.~\ There is a man who will moke you repent this 
 ufage of me O Bellamy \ where art thou now ? 
 
 Rang. Bellamy 1 
 
 Jacin. Were he here, you durft not thus affront me. 
 [Burfting out a crying. 
 
 Rang. His miftrefs, on my foul ! \^AJide.~\ You can 
 love, Madam ; you can love, I find. Her tears af- 
 fedl me ftrangely. \_Afedt. 
 
 Jacin. I am not afham'd to own my paffion for a man 
 of virtue and honour. 1 love and glory in it. 
 
 Rang. Oh, brave! and you can write letters, you 
 /can. I will not truft ffiyfelf bcme ivitbjou il.'it evening, 
 becaufe I know it is inconvenient. 
 
 Jacin. Ha! 
 
 Rang. 'Therefore I Beg you would procure me a lodging ; 
 Vw no matttr how far off mv guardian s. Four's, Jacintha. 
 
 Jacix.
 
 44 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Jacin. The very words of my letter: I am amazM. 
 Do you know Mr. Bellamy? 
 
 Rang. There is not a man on earth I have fo great a 
 value for; and he muft have fome value for me too, or 
 he would never have ihewn me your pretty epiftle. 
 Think of that, fair lady. The ladder is at the window : 
 And fo, Madam, I hope delivering you fafe into his 
 arms will, in fome meafure, expiate the crime I have 
 been guilty of to you. 
 
 Jadn. Good Heaven, how fortunate is this ! 
 
 Rang. I believe I make myfelf appear more wicked 
 than I really am. For, damn me, if I do not feel 
 more fatisfadlion in the thoughts of reftoring you to 
 my friend, than I could have pleafure in any favour 
 your bounty could have beftow'd. " Let any other rake 
 " lay bis band upon his heart, and fay the fame.'* 
 
 Jacin. Your generofity tranfports me. 
 
 Rang. Let us lofe no time then, the ladder's ready. 
 Where was you to lodge ? 
 
 Jacin. At Mr. Meggot's. 
 
 Rang. At my friend Jackey's ? better and better 
 ftill. 
 
 Jacin. Are you acquainted with him too I 
 
 Rang. Ay, ay t Why, did I not tell you at firft that 
 I was one of your old acquaintance ? I know all about 
 you, you fee ; though the Devil fetch me if ever I faw 
 you before. Now, Madam 
 
 Jacin. And now, Sir Have with you. 
 
 Rang. Then thou art a girl of fpirit. And though I 
 long to hug you for trufling yourfelf with me, I will 
 not beg a fingle kifs, till Bellamy himfelf mall give me 
 leave. He muft fight well that takes you from me. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 A C T IV. S C E N E the Piazza, 
 
 Enter Bellamy and Frankly.. 
 JMIa. T)SHA! What impertinent devil put it into 
 
 jT your head to meddle with my affairs ? 
 Frank. You know I went thither in purfuit of an- 
 other. 
 
 Bella. I know nothing you had to do there at all. 
 
 Frank*
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. ^ 
 
 Frank. I thought, Mr. Bellamy, you were a 
 lover. 
 
 Bella. I am fo ; and therefore fhould be forgiven 
 this fudden warmth. 
 
 Frank. And therefore mould forgive the fond imper- 
 tinence of a lover. 
 
 Bella. Jealoufy, you know, is as natural an incident 
 to love 
 
 Frank. As curiofity. By one piece of filly curiofity 
 I have gone nigh to ruin both myfelf and you. Let not 
 then your jealoufy complete our misfortunes. I fear I 
 have loft a miftrefs as well as you. Then let us not 
 quarrel. All may come right again. 
 
 Bella. It is impoffible. She is gone, remov'd for 
 ever from my fight. She is in the country by this 
 lime. 
 
 Frank. How did you lofe her after we parted ? 
 
 Bella. By too great confidence. When I got her to 
 my chair, the chairman were not to be found And 
 fafe as I thought in our difguife, I a&ually put her into 
 the chair, when Mr. Striftland and his fervants were in 
 fight; which I had no fooner done, than they furround- 
 ed us, overpower'd me, and carry'd her away. 
 
 Frank. Unfortunate indeed! Could you not make a 
 fecond attempt ? 
 
 Bella. I had defign'd it. But when I came to the 
 door I found the ladder remov'd ; and hearing no noife, 
 feeing no lights, nor being able to make any body an- 
 fwer, I concluded all attempts as impracticable, as I 
 now find them. Ha! I fee Lucetta coming. Then 
 they may be ftill in town. [Enter Lucetta.] Lucetta, 
 welcome ! What news of Jacintha ? 
 
 Lucet. News, Sir ! you fright me out of my fenfes 1 
 why, is (he not with you ? 
 
 Bella. What do you mean? with me? I have not feen 
 Jier fince I loft her laft night. 
 
 Lucet. Good Heav'n ! then fhe is undone for ever. 
 
 Frank. Why, what's the matter ? 
 
 Bella. Speak out I'm all amazement. 
 
 Lucet. She is efcap'd without any of us knowing 
 how. Nobody mift her till morning. We all thought 
 fhe went away with you ; but Heaven knows now what 
 may have happen'd. 
 
 Ml*.
 
 46 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 Bella. Somebody muft have accompanied her in her 
 
 flight. 
 Lucet. 
 
 We know of nobody. We are all in confufion 
 at home. My mafter fwears revenge on you. My mi- 
 ftrefs fays a ftranger has her. 
 
 Bella. A ftranger ? 
 
 Lucet. But Mrs. Clarinda 
 
 Bella. Clarinda ! Who is flie ? 
 
 Lucet. [To Frankly.] The lady, Sir, you faw at our 
 houfe laft night. 
 
 Frank. Ha ! what of her ? 
 
 Lucet. She fays, me is fare one Frankly is the man. 
 She faw them together, and knows it to be true. 
 
 Frank. Damn'd Fortune f [slfide. 
 
 Lucet. Sure this is not Mr. Frankly. 
 
 Frank* Nothing will convince him now. [djide. 
 
 Bell. [Looking at Frankly.] Ha ! 'tis truth I fee it 
 is true. [4Jide.~\ Lucetta, run up to Buckle, and take 
 him with you to fearch wherever you can. [Puts her 
 eut.] Now, Mr. Frankly, I have found you. You 
 have ufed me fo ill, that you force me to forget you are 
 my friend. 
 
 'Frank. What do you mean ? 
 
 Bella. Draw. 
 
 Frank. Are you mad? By heavens, I am innocent. 
 
 Bella. I have heard you, and will no longer be im- 
 pos'd on Defend yourfelf. 
 
 Frank. Nay, if you are fo hot, I draw to defend 
 myfelf, as 1 would againft a madman. 
 Enter Ranger. 
 
 Rang. What the devil, fvvords at noon-day ? Have 
 among you, faith! [Parts them.~\ What's here, Bella- 
 my ? Yes, gad, you are Bellamy, and you are P'rankly. 
 Put up, put up, both of you or elfe I am a devililh 
 fellow when once my fword is out. 
 
 Bella. We mail have a time 
 
 Rang. [Pujbing Bellamy one <way.~\ A time for what ? 
 
 Frank. I mall be always as ready to defend my in- 
 nocence as now. 
 
 Rang. [Pujbing Frankly t'otbtr 'way.] Innocence ! ay, 
 to be fure- at your age A mighty innocent fel- 
 low, no doubt. But what in the name of Common- 
 fenfe is it that ails you both? Are .you mad ? The laft 
 
 time
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 47 
 
 time I faw you, you were hugging and kiffing ; and 
 
 now you are cutting one another's throats 1 aever 
 
 knew any good come of one fellow's beflavering ano- 
 therBut I mall put you into better humour, I war- 
 rant you Bellamy, Frankly, liften both of you Such 
 fortune Such a fcheme 
 
 Bella. Pr'ythee, leave fooling. What, art drunk ? 
 
 Frank, He is always fo, I think. 
 
 Rang. And who gave you the privilege of thinking ? 
 Drunk ? No ! I am not drunk Tipfey, perhaps, with 
 my good fortune merry and in fpirits though I have 
 not fire enough to run my friend through the body. 
 Not drunk, though Jack Meggot and I have box'd it 
 about Champagne was the word for two whole hours 
 by Shrewfbury clock. 
 
 Bella. Tack Meggot ! Why, I left him at one 
 
 going to bed. 
 
 Rang. That may be, but I made a fhift to roufe him 
 and his family, by four this morning. Ounds ! I 
 pick'd up a wench and carried her to his houfe. 
 
 Bel/. Ha! 
 
 Rang. Such a variety of adventures Nay, you mall 
 hear But before I begin, Bellamy, you mall promife 
 me half a dozen kifles before-hand ; for the devil fetch 
 me if that little Jacintha would give me one, though I 
 prefied hard. 
 
 Btlla. Who, Jacintha? Prefs to kifs Jacinfha ? 
 
 Rang. Kifs her ! ay ! why not ? Is me not a woman, 
 and made to be kifs'd ? 
 
 Bella. Kifs her 1 mall run diftrafted ! 
 
 Rang. How could I help it, when I had her alone, 
 you rogue, in her bed-chamber at midnight ! If I had 
 been to be facrificed, I mould have done it. 
 
 Bella. Bed-chamber, at midnight ! I can hold no 
 longer Draw. 
 
 Frank. Be eafy, Bellamy. [Interpcjing. 
 
 Bella. He has' been at fome of his damn'd tricks with 
 her. 
 
 Frank. Hear him out. 
 
 Rang. 'Sdeath, how could I know me was his mif- 
 trefs ? But I tell this Itory molt miferabty. I mould 
 have told you firft, I was in another lady's chamber. By 
 the Lord, I got in at the window by a ladder of rOpe-s. 
 
 Frank.
 
 48 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Frank. Ha ! another lady ? 
 
 Rang. Another : and ftole in upon her, whilft fht 
 was undreffing ; beautiful as an angel blooming and 
 young 
 
 Frank. What, in the fame hcufe ? 
 
 Bella, What is this to Jacintha? Eafe me of my pain. 
 
 Rang. Ay, ay, in the fame houfe, on the fame floor. 
 The fwceteft, little angel But I defign to have another 
 touch with her. 
 
 Frank. 'Death ! but you fhall have a touch upon me 
 firft. 
 
 Bella. Stay, Frankly. [Interpofing. 
 
 Rang. Why, what Itrange madnefs has poflefs'd you 
 both, that nobody inuft kifs a pretty wench but your- 
 felves ? 
 _Bella. What became of Jacintha ? 
 
 Rang. Ounds ! what have you done that you muft 
 monopolize kiting ? 
 
 Frank. Prithee, honeft Ranger, eafe me of the pain 
 I am in. Was her name Clarinda? 
 
 Bella. Speak in plain words, where Jacintha is, where 
 to be found Dear boy, tell me. 
 
 Rang. Ay, now it is, honeft Ranger, and dear boy, 
 tell me and a minute ago, my throat was to be cut 
 I could find in my heart not to open my lips. But here 
 comes Jack Meggot, who will let you into all the fccret, 
 " though he defign'd to keep it from you, in half the time 
 that I can, though I had ever fo great a mind to tell it 
 you. 
 
 Enter Jack Meggot. 
 
 Jack Meg. So, fave ye, fave ye lads ! We have been 
 frighten'd out of our wits for you : not hearing of Mr. 
 Bellamy, poor Jacintha is ready to fink for fear of 
 any accident. 
 
 Bella. Is me at your houfe ? 
 
 Jack Meg. Why, did not you know that ? We dif- 
 patch'd Malter Ranger to you three hours ago. 
 
 Rang. Ay, plague ! but I had bufinefs of my own, 
 
 fo I could not come Hark ye. Frankly, is your girl 
 
 maid, wife, or widow? 
 
 Frank. A maid, I hope. 
 
 Rang. The odds are againft you, Charles But 
 
 mine is married, you rogue, and her hufband jealous 
 
 - The
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 49 
 
 - The devilis in it, if I do not reap fome reward for 
 my laft night's fervice. 
 
 Bella. He has certainly been at Mrs. Striflland her- 
 felf: But, Frankly, I dare not look on you. 
 
 Frank. This one embrace cancels all thoughts of en- 
 mity. 
 
 Bella. Thou generous man! But I mult hafte to 
 afe Jaclntbfi of her fears. [Exit. 
 
 Frank. And I to make up matters with Clarinda. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Rang. And I to fome kind wench, or other, Jack. 
 But where I mall find her, Heaven knows. And fo, 
 my fervice to your monkey. 
 
 Jack Meg. Adieu, Rattlepate. [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE the hall of Mr. Striftland's 
 Enter Mrs. Striftland and Clarinda. 
 
 Mrs. Stritf. But, why in fuch a hurry, my dear ? 
 Stay till your fervants can go along with you. 
 
 Clar-. Oh, no matter ! They'll follow with my things. 
 It is but a little way off, and my chair will guard me. 
 After my flaying out fo late Lift night, .1 am fure Mr. 
 Stridlland will think every minute an age whilft I am 
 in his houfe. 
 
 Mrs. Strifl. I am as much amaz'd at his fufpedting 
 your innocence as my own ; and every time I think of 
 it, I blufh at my prefent behaviour to you. 
 
 Clar. No ceremony, dear child ! 
 
 Mrs. Strifi. No, Clarinda, I am too well acquainted 
 with your good humour. But I fear in the eye of a 
 malicious world, it may look like a confirmation of his 
 fufpicion. 
 
 Clar. My dear, if the world will fpeak ill of me, for 
 the little innocent gaiety, which I thjnk the peculiar 
 happinefs of my temper, I know no way to prevent 
 it, and am only forry the world is fo ill-natur'd ; but 
 I mall not part with my mirth, I aflure them, fo long 
 as I know it innocent. I wifh, my dear, this may be 
 the greateft uneafmefs your hufband's jealoufy ever 
 gives you. 
 
 Mrs. Strifi. I hope he never again may have fuch oc- 
 cauon, as he had laft night. 
 
 Clar. You are fo unfashionable a wife! - Why, 
 
 lail night's accident would have made half the wives in 
 
 C London
 
 50 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 London eafy for life. Has not his jealoufy difcover'd 
 itfelf openly? And are not you innocent? There is 
 nothing but your foolilh temper that prevents his being 
 abfolutely in your power. 
 
 Mrs. Siri3. Clarinda, this is too ferious an affair to 
 laugh at. Let me advifc you, take care of Mr. Frankly : 
 oblerve his temper well ; and if he has the lead taint of 
 jealoufy, caft him off, and never truft to keeping him in 
 your power. 
 
 Clarin. You will hear little more of Frankly, I be- 
 lieve. Here is Mr. Striclland. 
 
 Enter Mr. Striftland and Lucetta. 
 
 Mr. Strict. Lucetta fays you want me, Madam. 
 
 Clar. I trouble you, Sir, only that I might return you 
 thanks for the civilities I have receiv'd in your family, 
 before I took my leave. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. Keep them to yourfelf, dear Madam. As 
 it is at my requeft that you leave my houfe, your thanks 
 upon that occafion are not very defirable. 
 
 Clar. O Sir, you need not fear. My thanks were 
 only for your civilities. They will not over-burden 
 you. But I'll conform to your humour, Sir, and part 
 with as little ceremony 
 
 Mr. Strifl. As we met. 
 
 Clar. The brute ! \Afide. ] My dear, good b'ye, we 
 may meet again. [To Mrs. Stridlland. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. If you dare truft me with your hand. 
 
 Clar. Lucetta, remember my inftrudtion. Now, Sir, 
 have with you. [Mr. Strickland leads Clarinda out. 
 
 ' Mrs. Strict. Are her inftru&ions cruel or kind, Lu- 
 cetta ? for I fuppofe they relate to Mr. Frankly. 
 
 Lucet. Have you a mind to try if I can keep a fecret 
 as well as yourfelf, Madam ? But I will fliew you I am 
 fit to be trufted by keeping this, though it fignifies 
 nothing. 
 
 Mrs. Striff. This anfweris not fo civil, I think. 
 
 Lucet. I beg pardon, Madam : I meant it not to 
 offend. 
 
 Mrs. Strifl. Pray let us have no more fuch. I neither 
 defire, nor want your affiftance. 
 
 Re-enter Mr. Stridland. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. She is gone : I feel myfelf fomewhat 
 eafier already. Since I have begun the day with ga- 
 lantry, Madam, mall I conduct you up ? 
 
 Mrs.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 51 
 
 Mrs. Stricl. There is fomething, Sir, which gives you 
 
 fecret uneafmefs. I wim 
 
 Mr, Strifl. Perhaps fo, Madam, and perhaps it may 
 foon be no fecret at all. \Ltads her out. 
 
 Lucet. Would I were once fettled with my young 
 lady ; for at prefent this is but an odd fort of a queer 
 family. Laft night's affair puzzles me. A hat there 
 was, that belong'd to none of us, that's certain. Madam 
 was in a fright, that is as certain ; and I brought all off. 
 Jacintha efcap'd, no one of us knows how. The good 
 man's jealoufy was yefterday groundlefs ; yet to-day, 
 in my mind, he is very much in the right. Mighty 
 odd, all this ! Somebody knocks. If this mould be 
 Clarinda's Spark, I have an odd meffage for him too. 
 
 \She opens the doer* 
 Enter Frankly. 
 
 Frank. So, my pretty handmaid ! meeting with you 
 gives me feme hopes. May I fpeak with Clarinda ? 
 Lucet. Who do you want, Sir ? 
 
 Frank. Clarinda, child ; the young lady I was ad- 
 mitted to yefterday. 
 
 Lucet. Clarinda ! No fuch perfon lives here, I 
 afiure you. 
 
 Frank. Where then ? 
 Lucet. I don't know indeed, Sir. 
 Frank. Will you enquire within ? 
 Lucet. Nobody knows in this houfe, Sir, you will find. 
 Frank. What do you mean? She is a friend of Jacin- 
 cintha's, your lady. I will take my oath /he was here 
 Lift night ; and you yourfelf fpoke of her being here 
 
 this morning Not know ! 
 
 Lucet. No: none of us know. She went away of a 
 fudden no one of us can imagine whither. 
 
 Frank. Why faith, child, thou haft a tolerable face, 
 and hail delivered this denial very handfomely. But let 
 me tell you, your impertinence this morning had lik'd 
 to have colt me my life. Now, therefore, make me 
 amends. I come from your young miftrefs. I come 
 from Mr. Bellamy. I come with my purfe full of gold 
 (that perfuafive rhetoric) to win you to let me fee and 
 fpeak to this Clarinda once again. 
 Lucet. She is not here, Sir. 
 Frank. Diredl me to her. 
 Lucet. No, I can't do that neither, 
 
 C 2 Enter
 
 52 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Enter Mr. Stridland behind. 
 
 Mr. Stria. I heard a knocking at the door, and a 
 man's voice Ha [AJide. 
 
 Frank. Deliver this letter to her. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. By all my fears, a letter ! [Afide. 
 
 Lucet. I don't know but I may be tempted to do that. 
 
 Frank. Take it then and with it this. 
 
 [Kijfts her, and gives her money. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Um ! there are two bribes in a breath ! 
 What a jade (he is ! [4f.de. 
 
 Lucet. Ay this gentleman underftands reafon. 
 
 Frank. And be alTur'd you oblige your miftrefs while 
 you are ferving me. 
 
 Mr. Strifi. Her miftrefs! Damn'd fex ! and damn'd 
 wife, thou art an epitome of that fex ! \_AJide. 
 
 Frank. And if you can procure me an anfwer, your 
 fee mail be enlarg'd. [Exit Frank. 
 
 Lucet. The next ftep is to get her to read this letter. 
 
 Mr. Stria. [Snatches the lctter.~\ No noife but 
 
 ftand filent there, whilfl I re.id this. 
 
 [Breaks it open, and drops the cafe. 
 
 Madam, The gaiety of a h^art happy as mine was yeftrrday, 
 may, I hope, eajily excufe the unjeafcnable -ijijit 1 ?nade your 
 
 houfe lajt night. Death and the devil ! confulion ! I 
 
 ihall run detracted. It is too much ! There was a man 
 then to whom the hat belong'd ; and I was gull'd, 
 abufed, cheated, impos'd on by a chit, a girl O 
 woman ! woman ! But I will be calm, fearch it coolly 
 to the bottom, and have a full revenge 
 
 Lucet. [AJide,~\ So here's fine work ! He'll make him- 
 felf very ridiculous though. 
 
 Mr. Stria. [Reads on.] / know my innocence will ap- 
 pear fo manifeftly, that I need only appeal to the lady who 
 
 accompanied you at Bath. Your very humble fervant, 
 
 good, innocent, fine Madam CJarinda! And 1 do not 
 
 'doubt but her good-nature (bawd! bawd!) ivill not let 
 jou perfift in injuring your obedient humble ferij ant, 
 
 Charles FranUy. 
 
 Now who can fay my jealonfy Inck'd foundation, or my 
 fufpicion of fine Madam's innocent gaiety was unjultf 
 Gaiety ! why ay! 'twas gaiety brought him hither. 
 Gaiety makes her a bawd my wife may be a whore in 
 gaiety. What a number of fins become falhionable 
 umkr the notion of gaiety ! What ! you recciv'd this 
 
 epiftle
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 53 
 
 cpiflle in gaiety too ? and were to deliver it to my wife, 
 1 fuppofe, when the gay fit came next upon her? 
 Why ! you impudent young llrumpet, do you laugh at 
 me ? 
 
 Lucct. Iwou'd, if I dar'd, and heartily. Be pleas'd, 
 Sir, only to look at that piece of paper that lies there. 
 
 Mr. Striff. Ha ! 
 
 Lucet. I have not touched it, Sir. It is the cafe that 
 letter came in, and the directions will inform you whom 
 I was to deliver it to. 
 
 Mr. Strict. This is directed to Clarinda ! 
 
 Lucet. Oh ! is it fo ? Now read it over again, and all 
 your foolim doubts will vanifh. 
 
 Mr. Stricl. I have no doubts at all. I am fatisfied that 
 you, Jacintha, Clarinda, my wife, all are 
 
 Lucet. Lud ! Lud ! you would make a body mad. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. Hold your impertinent tongue. 
 
 Lucet. You'll find the tiling to be juft as I fay, Sir. 
 
 Mr. Striff. Begone. [Exit Lucetta.j They mult be 
 poor at the work, indeed, if they did not lend one ano- 
 ther their names. 'Tis plain, 'tis evident. And I am mi- 
 ferable. But for my wife me mall not flay one night 
 longer in my houfe. Separation, ihame, contempt (hail 
 be her portion. I am determin'd in the thing ; and when 
 once it is over, I may perhaps be eafy. [Exit. 
 
 SCENE the Street. 
 Claiinda brought in a chair, Ranger_/b//7-Tf//zg-. 
 
 Rang. Hark ye, chairman ! Damn your confounded 
 trot. Go flower. 
 
 Clar. Here, Hop. 
 
 Rang. By Heavens ! the monfters hear reafon, and 
 obey. 
 
 Clar. [Letting down the ov/Woiw.] What trouble- 
 fome fellow was that ? 
 
 i Chairm. Some rake, I warrant, that cannot carry 
 himfelf home, and wants us to do it for him. 
 
 Clar. There And pray do you take care I be not 
 
 troubled with him. [Gees in. 
 
 Rang. That's as much as to fay now, Pray follow me. 
 Madam, you are a charming woman, and 1 will do it 
 
 l Chairm. Stand off, Sir. 
 
 Rang. Prithee, honelt fellow what what writing is 
 
 thai ? [Endeavouring to get in. 
 
 C 3 2 Chair m.
 
 54 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 2 Chairm. You come not here ! 
 
 Rang. Lodgings to be let ! a pretty convenient in- 
 fcription, and the fign of a good modeft family ! There 
 may be lodgings for gentlemen as well as ladies. Hark 
 ye, Rogues ! I'll lay you all the filv^r I have in my 
 pocket, there it is, I get in there in fpite of your teeth, 
 ye pimps ! \*Tbrwtoi down money, and goes in. 
 
 ' i Chairm. What have you let the gentleman in ? 
 
 * 2 Chairm. I'll tell you what, partner, he certainly 
 * flipt by whilft we were picking up the money. Come, 
 ' take up.' 
 
 " [Within] A chair ! chair ! chair! " [Exiunt. 
 
 SCENE Clarinda'j Lodgings. 
 ' A noife within between Ranger and Landlady.' 
 
 Clarinda enters ' laughing,' a Maid following. 
 " Maid. Blefs me, Madam, you feem diforder'd : ivbat's 
 ' ' the matter ? 
 
 " Ciar. Some impertinent fellow followS d the chair, and 
 ' ' I am afraid they let hi?n in, 
 
 " [A noife hetween Ranger and the Landlady ; 
 
 " [Ranger talks loud." 
 
 Clar. My madcap coufin Ranger, as I live. I am 
 
 fure he does not know me. If I cou'd but hide my 
 
 face now, what fport I mould have ! A mafk, a mafk ! 
 run and fee if you can find a mafk ! 
 Maid. I believe there is one above. 
 Clar. Run, run, and fetch it. [Exit Maid. 
 
 Here he comes ! [Enter Ranger and Landlady. 
 
 How unlucky this is ! [Turning from 'em. 
 
 Landl. What's your bufinefs here, unmannerly Sir ? 
 Rang. Well, let's fee thefe lodgings that are to be 
 let. Gad, a very pretty neat tenement! But hark ye, is 
 it real and natural, all that, or only patch'd up and new- 
 painted this fummer feafon, againlt the town fills ? 
 Landl. What does the faucy fellow mean with his 
 
 double tendres here ? Get you down. 
 
 Enter Maid with a majk. 
 
 Maid. Here is a very dirty one. [AJide to Clarinda. 
 
 Clar. No matter now we mall fee a little what he 
 
 v/ou'd be at. [Afide. 
 
 Landl. This is an honeft houfe For all your lac'd 
 
 waiitcoat, I'll have you thrown down neck and heels. 
 
 Rang . Phoh ! not in fuch a hurry, good old Lady A 
 
 maflc
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 55 
 
 m.-ifk Nav, with all my heart; it faves a world of 
 blulhing Have you ne'er a one for me i I am apt to 
 be nlham'd rnyfelf on thefe occafions. 
 
 Landl. Get you down, I fay 
 
 Rang. Not if I guefs right, old Lady. Madam, \tn 
 Clarinda, iv&o makes Jigns to the Landlady to retire] look 
 ye there now ! that a woman fhou'd live to your age, 
 and know fo little of the matter. Be gone. [Exit Land- 
 ludy.~\ By her forward nefs this fhould be a whore of 
 quality. My boy Ranger, thou art in luck to-day. 
 She won't fpeak, I find then I will. \Afede.] Deli- 
 cate lodgings truly, Madam ; and very neatly fui nifh'd 
 A very convenient room this, I mult needs own, to 
 entertain a mix'd company. But, my dear charming 
 creature, does not that door open to a more commo- 
 dious apartment for the -happinefs of a private friend, 
 or fo? The prettieft brafs lock! Faft, urn ; that won't 
 do. 'Sdeath, you are a beautiful woman; I am fure you 
 are ! Prythee, let me fee your face : it is your intereft, 
 child. The longer you delay, the more I fhall expeft. 
 Therefore, [taking her hand~\ my dear, foft, kind, new 
 acquaintance, thus let me take your hand ; and, whilll 
 you gently with the other let day-light in upon me, 
 .let. me foftly hold you to me, that with my longing lips 
 I may receive the warmeft, belt impreffion. \Sbe un- 
 majks.] Clarinda! 
 
 Clar. Ha, ha ! Your fervant, couftn Ranger Ha, 
 ha, ha ! 
 
 Rang. Oh, your humble fervant, Madam ! you had 
 liked to have been beholden to your mafk, coufm ! I 
 muft brazen it out. [4Jtde. 
 
 Clar. Ha, ha, ha ! You were not fo happy in your 
 difguife, Sir. The pretty ftagger in your gait, that 
 happy difpofition of your wig, the genteel negligence 
 of your whole perfon, and thofe pretty flowers of modim 
 gallantry, made it impoflible to miilake you, my fweet 
 cuz. Ha, ha ! 
 
 Rang. Oh, I knew you too ! but I fancied you had 
 taken a particular liking to my perfon, and had a mind 
 to link the relation under that little piece of black 
 velvet ! And, egad, you never find me behind hand in 
 a frolic. But fmce it is otherwife, my merry, good- 
 humour'd coufm, I am as heartily glad to fee you in 
 C 4 town
 
 56 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBANIX 
 
 town as I (hould be to meet any of my old bottle ac- 
 quaintance. 
 
 Clar. And on my fide I am as happy in meeting 
 your worfhip, as I mould be in a rencounter with e'er a 
 petticoat in Chriitendom. 
 
 Rang. And if you have any occafion for a dangling- 
 gallant to Vauxhall, Ranelagh, or even the poor neg- 
 lected Park, you are fo. unlike the reft of your virtuous 
 filters of the petticoat, that I will venture myfelf with 
 you. 
 
 Clar. Take care what you promife ; for who knows 
 but this face, you were pleas'd to fay fo many pretty 
 things of before you faw it, may raiie fo many rivals 
 among your kept miflreffes and reps of quality' 
 
 Rang. Hold, hold ! a truce with your fatire, fweet 
 cuz ! or, if fcandal muft be the topic of every virtuous 
 woman's converfation - call for your tea-water, and 
 let it be in it's proper element. Come, your tea, your 
 tea. 
 
 Enter Maid. 
 
 Clar. With all my heart -- Who's there ? Get tea 
 Upon condition that you ftay till it comes. 
 
 Rang. That is according as you behave, Madam. 
 
 Clar. O Sir, I am very fenfible of the favour. 
 
 Rang. Nay, you may, I affure you ; for there is but 
 one woman of virtue, befides yourfelf, I would ftay with 
 ten minutes, (and I have not known her above thefe 
 twelve hours :) the infipidity, or the rancour of their 
 difcourfe, is infufferable : 'Sdeath ! I had rather take 
 the air with my grandmother. 
 
 Clar. Ha, ha, ha ! the ladies are highly oblig'd to 
 you, I vow. 
 
 Rang. I tell you what ; the lady I fpeak of was 
 oblig'd to me, and the generous girl is ready to own it. 
 
 Clar. And, pray, when was it you did virtue this 
 confiderable fervice ? 
 
 Rang. But this laft night, the Devil fetch me ! a ro- 
 mantic whim of mine convey'd me into her chamber, 
 where I found her, young and beautiful, alone at mid- 
 night, drefs'd like a foft Adonis, her lovely hair all 
 loofe about her moulders -- 
 
 Clar. In boy's cloaths ! this is worth attending to. 
 
 Rang.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 57 
 
 Rang. Gad, I no more fufpefted her being a woman, 
 than 1 did your being my cater-coufin- 
 
 Clar. How did you difcover it at laft ? 
 
 Rang. Why, faith, fhe very modeftly dropt me a hint 
 of it herfclf. 
 
 Clar. Herfelf! (If this mould be Jacintha !) \Afide. 
 
 Rang. Ay, 'foregad, did flie ! which I imagin'd a 
 good fign at midnight. Ha, coufin ! fo I e'en invented 
 a long {lory of a paffion I had for her, (though I had 
 never feen her before) you know my old way and 
 faid fo many fuch tender things 
 
 Clar. As you faid to me juft now. 
 
 Rang. Pfhaw ! quite in another ftyle, I aflure you. 
 It was midnight, and I was in a right cue. 
 
 Clar. Well ! and what did fhe anfwer to all thefe 
 protections ? 
 
 Rang. Why, inflead of running into my arms at once, 
 as I expefted 
 
 Clar. To be fure ! 
 
 Rang. 'Gad, like a free-hearted honeft girl, fhe 
 frankly told me fhe lik'd another better than fhe lik'd 
 me : that I had fomething in my face that fhew'd I was 
 a gentleman ; and fhe would e'en truft herfelf with me, 
 if I would give her my word I would convey her to her 
 fpark. 
 
 Clar. O brave ! and how did you bear this ? 
 
 Rang. Why, curfe me, if I am ever angry with a 
 woman for not having a paflion for me ; I only hate 
 your fex's vain pretence of having no paffion at all. 
 Gad ! I lov'd the good-natur'd girl for it, took her at 
 her word, ftole her out of the window, and this morn- 
 ing made a very honeft fellow happy in the pofleflion 
 of her. 
 
 Clar. And her name is Jacintha. 
 
 Rang. Ha! 
 
 Clar. Your amours are no fecrets, Sir : You fee you 
 might as well have told me all the whole of lalt night's 
 adventure; for. you find I know. 
 
 Rang. All ! why, what do you know ? 
 
 Clar. Nay, nothihg : I only know that a gen- 
 tleman's hat cannot be dropt in a lady's chamber 
 
 Rang. The Devil ! 
 
 C.'m: But a hufband is fuch an odd, impertinent*, 
 aukward creature,, that he will be Humbling over it. 
 
 C 5 Rang.
 
 58 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Rang. Here has been fine work! [JJMe.] But 
 how, in the name of wonder, mould you know all 
 this ? 
 
 Clar. By being in the fame houfe. 
 
 Rang. In the lame houfe ! 
 
 Clar. Ay, in the fame houfe, a witnefs of the con- 
 fufion you have made. 
 
 Rang. Frankly's Clarinda, by all that's fortunate, 
 it mult be fo. \_Afede. 
 
 Clar. And let me tell you, Sir, that even the dull, 
 low-fpirited diverfions you ridicule ia us tame creatures, 
 are preferable to the romantic exploits that only wine 
 can raife you to. 
 
 Rang. Yes, coufin ! but I'll be even with you. 
 
 Clar. If you refleft, coufin, you will find a great deal 
 of wit in mocking a lady's modefty, difturbing her 
 quiet, tainting her reputation, and ruining the peace 
 of a whole family ! 
 
 Rang. To be fure ! 
 
 Clar. Thefe are the high-mettled pleafures of you 
 men of fpirit, that the infipidity of the virtuous can 
 never arrive at. And can you in reality think your Bur- 
 gundy, and your Bacchus, your Venus, and your Loves, 
 an excufe for all this ? fye, coufin, fye ! 
 
 Rang. No, coufin. 
 
 Clar. What, dumb ! I am glad you have modefty 
 enough left not to go about to excufe yourfelf. 
 
 Rang. It is as you fay. When we are fober and reflect 
 but ever fo little on the follies we commit, we are a- 
 fham'd and forry ; and yet the very next minute we run 
 again into the very fame abfurdities. 
 
 Clar. What ! moralizing, coufin ? ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Rang. What you know is not half, not a hundredth 
 part of the mifchief of my lafl night's frolic : and yet, 
 the very next petticoat I faw this morning, I muft follow 
 it, and be damn'd to me ! though, for aught 1 know, 
 poor Frankly's life may depend upon it. 
 
 Clar. Whofelife, Sir? 
 
 Rang. And here do I ftand prating to you now. 
 
 Clar. Pray, good coufin, explain yourfelf. 
 
 Rang. Good coufin ! She has it. [Afrit.] Why, 
 whilft I was making off with the wench, Bellamy and 
 he were quarrelling about her ; and though Jacintha 
 
 and
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 59 
 
 and I made all the hafle we could, we did not get to 
 them before 
 
 Clar. Before what ? (I am frighten'd out of my 
 wits.) [AJide. 
 
 Rang. Not that Frankly car'd three half-pence for 
 the girl. 
 
 Clar. But there was no mifchief done, I hope ? 
 
 Rang. Pho ! a flight fcratch : nothing at all, as the 
 furgeon faid , though he was but a queer-looking fon 
 of a bitch of a furgeon neither. 
 
 Clar. Good God ! why he mould have the bell that 
 can be found in London. 
 
 Rang. Ay, indeed, fo he mould : that was what I 
 was going for when I faw you. [Sits do-tun.] They 
 are all at Jack Meggot's hard by, and you will keep 
 me here. 
 
 Clar. I keep you here ! for Heaven's fake, be gone. 
 
 Rang. Your tea is a damn'd while a coming. 
 
 Clra. You fhall have no tea now, I affure you. 
 
 Rang. Nay, one dim. 
 
 Clar. No, pofitiveiy, you mall not flay ! 
 
 Rang. Your commands are abfolute, Madam. [Going. 
 
 Clar. Then Frankly is true, and I only am to blame. 
 
 Rang. [Returns.] But I beg ten thoufand pardons, 
 coufin, that I mould forget to falute you. 
 
 Clar. Pfhaw ! how can you trifle at fuch a time as 
 this ? 
 
 Rang. A trifle ! wrong not your beauty. 
 
 Clar. Lord ! how leafing you are ? there. 
 
 Rang. [Kijfis her.] Poor thing! how uneafy fhe is ! 
 nay, no ceremony. You fhall not flir a ftep with me. 
 
 Clar. I do not intend it. This is downright provok- 
 ing ! [Exit Ranger.] Who's there ? 
 Enter Landlady. 
 
 Landl. Madam, did your ladyfhip call ? 
 
 Clar. Does one Mr. Meggot live in this neighbour- 
 hood ? 
 
 Landl. Yes, Madam, a fine gentleman, and keeps a 
 noble houfe, and a world of company. 
 
 Clar. Very well ! I don't want his hiflory. I won- 
 der my fervants are not come yet ! 
 
 Landl. Lack-a-day, Madam, they are all below. 
 
 Clar. Send up one then with a card to me. I 
 
 mull know the truth of this affair immediately. [Exeunt. 
 
 C 6 ACT
 
 60 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 ACTV. SCENE/i Room in Mr. Striaiand's Houfe. 
 
 Mr. aWMrs. Stri&land difcovered ; Jhe weeping, and be 
 
 'writing at a Table. 
 Mrs. Stria. TT E I G H ! ho ! 
 
 Jrl Mr. Stria. What can poflibly be the 
 occafion of that figh, Madam ? you have yourfelf a- 
 greed to a maintenance, and a maintenance no dutchefs 
 need be afham'd of. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. But the extremities of provocation that 
 drove me to that agreement > 
 
 Mr. Strifi. Were the effect of your own follies. Why 
 do you diiturb me ? [Writes en. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. I would. not willingly give you a moment's 
 uneafinefs : I but defire a fair and equal hearing ; and 
 if I fatisfy you not in every point, then abandon 
 me, difcard me to the world, and it's malicious 
 tongues. 
 
 Mr. Stria. What was it you faid ? Damn thij 
 
 pen! 
 
 Mrs. Stria. I fay, Mr. Strickland, I would only 
 
 Mr. Stria. You would only ! you would only re- 
 peat what you have been faying this hour, I am inno- 
 cent: and when I fhew'd you the letter I had takea 
 from your maid', what was then your poor evafion, but 
 that it was to Clarinda, and you were innocent ? 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Heaven knows I am innocent. 
 
 Mr. Stria. But I know your Clarinda, your woman 
 
 ef honour, is your blind, your cover, your but 
 
 why do I diftracl myfclf about a woman I have no longer 
 any concerns with ? Here, Madam, is your fate : a letter 
 to your brother in the country . 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Sir 
 
 Mr. Stria. I have told him what a filler he is to re- 
 ceive, and how to bid her welcome. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Then my ruin is compleat. My brother \ 
 
 Mr. Stria. I muft vindicate my own honour, elfe 
 what will the world fay ? 
 
 Mrs. Stria. That brother was my only hope, my only 
 ground of patience. In his retirement 1 hoped my 
 uamc might have been fafe, and flept, till by fome 
 happy means you might at length have known mo inno- 
 cent, and pitied me. 
 
 Mrs.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 61 
 
 Mr. Sfrifl. Retirement ! pretty foul ! no ! no ! that 
 face was never made for retirement. It is another fort 
 of retiring you are fitted for Ha ! hark ! what's that ? 
 [A knocking at the door.~\ Two gentle taps and why but 
 two ! was that the fignal, Madam ? ftir not, on your 
 life. 
 
 Mrs. Stri&. Give me refolution, Heaven, to bear 
 this ufage, and keep it fecret from the world. [Afedt. 
 
 Mr. Stritf. 1 will have no figns, no items, no hem to 
 tell him I am here. Ha ! another tap. The gentle- 
 man is in hafte, I find. [Opens the door, and enter Tefter.] 
 Tefter ! why did you not come in, rafcal ? [Beats him.] 
 All vexations meet to crofs me. 
 
 Tefter. Lard, Sir, what do you ftrike me for ? my 
 miftrefs order'd me never to come in where (he was, 
 without firft knocking at the door. 
 
 Mr. Strift. O cunning Devil ! Tefter is too honeft 
 to be trufted. 
 
 Mrs. Strift. Unhappy man ! will nothing undeceive 
 him ? [AJiJe. 
 
 Tefter. Sir, here is a letter. 
 
 Mr. Stria. To my wife ? 
 
 Tefter. N6, Sir, to you. The fervant waits below. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. Art fure it is a fervant ? 
 
 Tefter. Sir, [Staring.] it is Mr. Buckle, Sir. 
 
 Mr. Strift. I am mad : I know not what to fay, or 
 do, or think. But, let's read. [Reads to him/elf. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 We cannot bear to reflect that Mrs. Striftland may pof- 
 Jibly be ruin'd in your efteem, and in the voice of the world, 
 only by the confujion 'which our affairs have made in your 
 family, without offering all within our power to char the 
 mifunderftanding between you. If you will give yourfelf 
 the trouble but to ftep to Mr. Meggot's, where all parties 
 will be, we doubt not but we can entirely jatisfy your moft 
 flagrant fufpicions, to the honour of Mrs. Striflland^ and 
 the quiet of your lives. Jacintha, John Bellamy. 
 
 Hey ! here is the whole gang witnefling for one another. 
 They think I am an afs, and will be led by the nofe to 
 believe every thing. Call me a chair. [Exit Tefter.] 
 Yes, I will go to this rendezvous of enemies I will- 
 and find out all her plots, her artifices and contrivances : 
 it will clear my conduct to her brother, and all her 
 friends. [Exit Mr. Striftland* 
 
 Mrs.
 
 62 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Gone, fo abruptly ! what can that letter 
 be about ? no matter : there is no way left to make 
 us eafy but by my difgrace, and I muft learn to fuiFer. 
 Time and innocence will teach me to bear it pa- 
 tiently. 
 
 Enter Lucetta. 
 
 Lucet. Mrs. Bellamy, Madam, (for my young lady 
 is married) begs you would follow Mr. Stridlland to 
 Mr. Meggot's: me makes no doubt but me mall be able 
 to make you and my matter eafy. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. But how came fhe to know any thing of 
 the matter ? 
 
 Lucet. I have been with them, Madam : I could not 
 bear to fee fo good a lady fo ill treated. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. . I am indeed, Lucetta, ill treated ; but, 
 I hope, this day will be the laft of it. 
 
 Lucet. Madam Clarinda and Mr. Frankly will be 
 there, and the young gentleman, Madam, who was 
 with you in this room laft night. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Ha ! if he is there, there may be hopes ; 
 and it is worth the trying. 
 
 Lucet. Dear lady Let me call a chair. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. I go with you : I cannot be more wretched 
 than I am. [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE a Room in Meggot'j Houfe. 
 Enter Frankly, Ranger, Bellamy, Jacintha, aWMeggot. 
 
 Frank. O Ranger! This is news indeed.] Your 
 coufin, and a lady of fuch fortune ! 
 
 Rang. I have done the bufmefs for you. I tell you 
 fhe's your own. She loves you. 
 
 Frank. ' Words are too faint to tell the joy I feel.' 
 " You make my heart dance 'with joy." 
 
 Rang. I have put that heart of her's into fuch a 
 flutter, that I'll lay a hundred guineas, with the afllf- 
 tance which this lady had promis'd me, I fix her yours 
 direftly. 
 
 Jacin. Ay, ay, Mr. Frankly, we have a defign 
 upon her which cannot fail. But you mult obey 
 orders. 
 
 Frank. Mod willingly. But remember, dear lady, 
 I have more than life at flake. 
 
 Jacin. Away then into the next room j for fhe is this 
 inftant coming hither. 
 
 Frank.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 63 
 
 Frank. Hither! you furprife me more and more. 
 
 Jacin. Here is a meflage from her by which me defires 
 leave to wait on me this afternoon. 
 
 Rang. Only for the chance of feeing you here, I affure 
 ye. 
 
 Frank. Let me hug thee ; though I know not how to 
 believe it. 
 
 Rang. Pfhaw ! prithee, do not ftifle me ! it is a bufy 
 day, a very bufy day. 
 
 Jack Meg. Thou art the moft unaccountable creature 
 in life ! 
 
 Rang. But the moft lucky one, Jack, if I fucceed for 
 Frankly, as I have for Bellamy, and my heart whifpers 
 me I mall. Come in, moft noble Mr. Buckle : and what 
 have you to propofe ? 
 
 Enter Buckle. 
 
 Buckle. A lady, Madam, in a chair, fays her name is 
 Clarinda. 
 
 Jacin. Defire her to walk up. 
 
 Bella. How could you let her wait? [Exit Buckle.] 
 You muft excufe him, Madam. Buckle is a true batche- 
 lor's fervant, and knows no manners. 
 
 Jacin. Away, away, Mr. Frankly, and flay till I call 
 you. A rap with my fan mail be the fignal. (Exit 
 Frank.) We make very free with your houfe, Mr. 
 Meggot. 
 
 Jack Meg. O ! you could not oblige me more ! 
 Enter Clarinda. 
 
 Clar. Dear Mrs. Bellamy, pity my confufion. I am 
 to wifh you joy, and afk your pardon all in a breath. I 
 know not what to fay. I am quite afham'd of my laft 
 night's behaviour. 
 
 Jacin. Come, come, Clarinda, it is all well. All is 
 over and forgot. Mr. Bellamy [falute. 
 
 Clar. I wifh you joy, Sir, with all my heart, and 
 mould have been very forry if any folly of mine had 
 prevented it. 
 
 Bell. Madam, I am oblig'd to you. 
 
 Clar. (Afide) I fee nothing of Mr. Frankly ! My heart 
 mifgives me. 
 
 Rang. And fo, you came hither purely out of friend- 
 fhip, good-nature, and humility. 
 
 Clar. Purely. 
 
 3
 
 64 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Rang. To confefs your offences, to beg pardon, and 
 to make reparation. 
 
 Clar. Purely. Is this any thing fo extraordinary ? 
 
 Jack Meg. The moft fa of any thing in life, I dunk. 
 
 Rang. A very whimfical bulinefs for fo fine a lady, 
 and an errand you feldom went on before,, I fancy, my 
 dear coufin. 
 
 Jacin. Never, I dare fwear, if I may judge by the 
 aukward concern fhe fhews in delivering it. 
 
 Clar. Concern ! Lard ! well, I proteft, you are all ex- 
 ceeding pretty company ! Being fettled for life, Jacintha, 
 gives an eafe to the mind, that brightens converfation 
 ftrangdy. 
 
 Jacin. I am forry,. with all my heart, you are not in 
 the fame condition j for as you are, my dear, you are 
 horridly chagrine. 
 
 Rang. But with a little of our help, Madam, the lady 
 may recover, and be very good company. 
 
 Clar. Hum ! What does he mean, Mr. Bellamy ? 
 
 Bella. Aflc him, Madam. 
 
 Clar. Indeed I (hall not give myfelf the trouble. 
 
 Jacin. Then you know what he means. 
 
 Clar. Something impertinent, I fuppofe, not worth ex- 
 plaining. 
 
 Jacin. It is fomething you won't let him explain,. I 
 nd. 
 
 Enter Buckle, and wkifpers Meggot. 
 
 Jack Meg. Very well ! Defire him to walk into the 
 parlour. Madam, the gentleman is below. 
 
 Jacin. Then every one to your pofL You. know your 
 cues. 
 
 Rang. I warrant ye. [Exeunt gentlemen. 
 
 Clar. All gone ! I am glad of it, for I want to fpeak 
 to you. 
 
 Jacin. And I, my dear Clarinda, have fomething which 
 I do not know how to tell you. But it muft be known,, 
 fooner or later. 
 
 Clar. What's the matter 
 
 Jacin. Poor Mr. Frankly 
 
 Clar. You fright me out of my fenfes ! 
 
 Jacin. Has no wounds but what you can cure* Ha, 
 ha, ha! 
 
 Clar*. Plhaw ! I am angry.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 65 
 
 Jacin. Pfliaw 1 You are pleas'd and will be more fo, 
 when J tell you, this man, whom Fortune has thrown in 
 your way, is in rank and temper, the man in the world 
 who fuits you beft for a hufband, 
 
 Clar. Hufband ! I fay, Hufband, indeed ! Where will 
 this end ! \_Afede. 
 
 Jadn. His very foul is yours, and he only waits an 
 opportunity of telling you fo. He is in the next room. 
 Shall 1 call him in ? 
 
 Clar. My dear girl, hold ! 
 
 Jacin. How fooliih is this coynefs now, Clarinda ? If 
 the men were here indeed, fomething might be faid 
 And fo, Mr. Frankly ! 
 
 Clar. How can you be fo teazing ? 
 
 Jacin. Nay, I am in downright earneft : and to fhew 
 you how particular I have been in my enquiries, ' though 
 ' I know you have a fpirit above regarding the modim, 
 1 paltry way of a Smitkjield bargain His fortune ' 
 
 Clar. I don't care what his fortune is. 
 
 Jacin. Don't you fo ? Then you are farther gone than 
 I thought you were. 
 
 Clar. No, Plhaw ; pr'ythee, I don't mean fo neither. 
 
 Jacin. I don't care what you mean: but you won't 
 like him the worfe, I hope, for having a fortune fuperior 
 to your own. Now mall I call him in ? 
 
 Clar. Pho, dear girl fome other time. 
 
 Jacin. (raps with her fan) That's the fignal, and 
 here he is. You fliall not llir : I pofitively will leave you 
 together. [Exit Jacintha. 
 
 Clar. I tremble all over. 
 
 Enter Frankly. 
 
 Frank. Pardon this freedom, Madam but I hope our 
 having fo luckily met with a common friend in Mrs. 
 Bellamy 
 
 Clar. Sir! 
 
 Frank. Makes any farther apology for my behaviour 
 laft night abfolutely unneceflary. 
 
 Clar. So far, Mr. Frankly, that I think the apology 
 fhould be rather on my fide, for the impertinent buftle I 
 made about her. 
 
 Frank. This behaviour gives me hopes, Madam : Par- 
 don the conftrudlion But from the little buftle you made 
 about the lady, may I not hope, you was not quite indif- 
 ferent about the gentleman I 
 
 Clar.
 
 66 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Clar. Have a care of being too fanguine in your hopes : 
 Might not a love of power, or the fatisfa&ion of fhewing 
 that power, or the dear pleafure of abuilng that power ; 
 might not thefe have been foundation enough for more 
 than what I did ? 
 
 Frank. Charming woman With moft of your fex, I 
 
 grant, they might, but not with you. Whatever power 
 your beauty gives, your good-nature will allow you no 
 other ufe of it than to oblige. 
 
 Cla. This is the height of compliment, Mr. Frankly. 
 
 Frank. Not, in my opinion, I a/lure you, Madam : and 
 I am now going to put it to the trial. 
 
 Clar. ( AJtde) What is he going to fay now ? 
 
 Frank. (Afede) What is it that ails me, that I cannot 
 fpeak ? Pfhaw ! he here ! 
 
 Enter Ranger. . 
 
 Clar. Interrupted! impertinent! 
 
 Rang. There is no fight fo ridiculous as a pair of your 
 true lovers. Here are you two now, bowing and cring- 
 ing, and keeping a paffion fecret from one another, that 
 is no fecret to all the houfe befide. And if you don't 
 make the matter up immediately, it will be all over the 
 town within thefe two hours. 
 
 Clar. What do you mean ? 
 
 Frank. Ranger 
 
 Rang. Do you be quiet ; can't ye? (AJide.) But it is 
 over, I fuppofe, coufm, and you have given him your 
 confent. 
 
 Clar. Sir, the liberties you are pleas'd to take with 
 me 
 
 Rang. Oh! in your airs ftill, are you ? Why then, Mr. 
 Frankly, there is a certain letter of yours, Sir, to this 
 lady. 
 
 Clar. A letter to me ! 
 
 Rang. Ay ! to you, Madam. 
 
 Frank. Ha ! what of that letter ? 
 
 Rang. It is only fallen into Mr. Strickland's hands, that 
 is all ; and he has read it ! 
 
 Frank. Read it. 
 
 Rang. Ay; read it to all his family at home, and to all 
 the company below : and if fome itop be not put to it, 
 it will be read in all the coffee-houfes in town. 
 
 Frank. A flop ! This fword (hall put a fop to it, or 1 
 will perifh in the attempt. 
 
 Rang.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 67 
 
 Rang. But will that fword put a flop to the talk of the 
 
 town r Only make it talk the fafler, take my word 
 
 for it. 
 
 Clar. This is all a trick. 
 
 Rang. Is it fo ? you fhall foon fee that, my fine coufin. 
 
 [Exit Ranger. 
 
 Frank. It is but too true, I fear. There is fuch a 
 letter which I gave Lucetta. Can you forgive me? Was 
 I much to blame, when I could neither fee, nor hear of 
 you ? 
 
 Clar. (Tenderly.) You give yourfelf, Mr. Frankly, a 
 thoufand more uneafinefles than you need about me. 
 
 Frank. If this uneafinefs but convinces you how much 
 I love you Interrupted again ! 
 
 Clar. (AJlde.) This is downright malice. 
 Enter Ranger, followed by Jacintha, Mr. Stri&land, 
 Bellamy, aWMeggot. 
 
 Rang. Enter, enter, gentleman and lady ! 
 
 Clar. Mr. Stridland here ! what is all this ? 
 
 Rang. Now you (hall fee whether this is a trick or no. 
 
 Jacin. Do not be uneafy, my dear : we will explain it 
 to you. 
 
 Frank. I cannot bear this trifling, Ranger, when my 
 heart is on the rack. 
 
 Rang. Come this way then, and learn. 
 
 [Jacintha, Clarinda, Frankly, and Ranger retire. 
 [Mr. Stridlland, Bellamy, and Meggot advance. 
 
 Mr. Strift. Why, I know not well what to fay. This 
 has a face. This letter may as well agree with Clarinda 
 as with my wife, as you have told the flory; and Lucetta 
 explain'd it fo But me for a fixpenny piece would have 
 conftru'd it the other way. 
 
 Jack Meg. But, Sir, if we produce this Mr. Frankly to 
 you, and he owns himfelf the author of this letter 
 
 Bella. And if Clarinda likewife be brought before your 
 face to encourage his addrefles, there can be no farther 
 room for doubt. 
 
 Mr. Stria. No Let that appear, and I fhall I think 
 I fhall be fatisfied But yet it cannot be 
 
 Bella. Why not ? Hear me, Sir. [They talk. 
 
 [Jacintha, Clarinda, Frankly, and Ranger advance. 
 
 Jacin. In fhort, Clarinda, unlefs the affair is made up 
 direftly, a feparation, with all the obloquy on her fide, 
 muft be the confequence. 
 
 Clar.
 
 68 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 C/ar. Pocr Mrs. Striftland, I pity her: but for him, he 
 deferves all he feels were it ten time's what it is. 
 
 Jacin. It is for her fake only, that we beg of yon both 
 to bear his impertinence. 
 
 Clar, With all my heart. You will do what you plcafe 
 with me. 
 
 Frank. Generous creature ! 
 
 Mr. Stria. Ha! here fhe is, and with her the very man 
 I faw deliver the letter to Lucetta I do begin to fear I 
 have made myfelf a fool Now for the proof Here is a 
 letter, Sir, which has given me great difturbance, and 
 thele gentlemen afTure me it was writ by you. 
 
 Frank. That letter, Sir, upon my honour, I left this 
 morning with Lucetta, for this lady. 
 
 Mr. Stria. For that lady! and Frankly, the name at 
 the bottom, is not feign'd, but your real name ? 
 
 Frank. Frankly is my name. 
 
 Mr. Sfria. I fee, I feel myfelf ridiculous. 
 
 jfacin. Now, Mr. Striftland 1 hope 
 
 Jack Meg. Ay ! ay ! a clear cafe. 
 
 Mr. Stria. I am fatisfied, and will go this inftant to 
 Mrs. Strickland. 
 
 Rang. Why then the devil fetch me, if this would fa- 
 tisfy me. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. What's that ? 
 
 Rang. Nay, nothing : it is no affair of mine. 
 
 Bella. What do you mean, Ranger? 
 
 Mr. Stria. Ay, what do you mean ? I will know before 
 Iftir. 
 
 Rang. With all my heart, Sir. Cannot you fee that 
 all this may be a concerted matter between them ? 
 
 Frank. Ranger, you know I can refent. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Go on 1 will defend you, let who will 
 
 refent it. 
 
 Rang. Why then, Sir, I declare myfelf your friend : 
 and were I as you nothing but their immediate mar- 
 riage fhould convince me. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Sir, you're right, and are my friend in- 
 deed. Give me your hand. 
 
 Rang. Nay, were I to hear her fay, I, Clarinda, take 
 thee, Charles, I would not believe them till I fa\v them 
 a-bed together. Now refent it as you will. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Ay, Sir, as you will. But nothing lefs 
 
 matt
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 69 
 
 fhall convince me ; and fo, my fine lady, if you are in 
 earneft 
 
 Clar. Sure, Mr. Striftland 
 
 Mr. SiritS. Nay, no flouncing! You cannot efcape. 
 
 A'.-./JJ. Why, Frankly, has't no foul ? 
 
 Fra.i':. I pity her confufion. 
 
 Rang. Pity her confufion ! the man's a fool Here, 
 take her hand 
 
 Frank. Thus on my knees then, let me ravifh with 
 your hand, your heart. 
 
 Clar. Raviih it you cannot ; for it is with all my heart 
 I give it you. 
 
 Mr. Strifl. I am fatisfied. 
 
 Clar. And fo am I, now it once is over. 
 
 Rang. And fo am I, my dainty coufin And I wifh 
 
 you joy of a man, your whole fex would go to cuffs for, 
 
 if they knew him but half fo well as I do Ha! She 
 
 here ! This is more than I bargain 'd for. \_AJtde. 
 
 Jacintha leads in Mrs. Striftland. 
 
 Mr. Stria. (Embracing Mrs. Striflland.) Madam, re- 
 proach me not with my folly, and you fhall never hear of 
 it again. 
 
 Mrs. Strifl. Reproach you, no! if ever you hear the 
 leaft reflection pafs my lips, forfake me in that inftant ; 
 or, \vh t would yst be vvorfe, fufpecl again. 
 
 Mr. Stritf. It is enough. I am afham'd to talk to 
 thee. This letter which I wrote to your brother, thus I 
 tear in pieces, and with it part for ever with my jealoufy. 
 
 Mrs. Strift. This is a joy, indeed! as great as unex- 
 pected. Yet there is one thing wanting to make it lafting. 
 
 Rang. What the devil is coming now ? [Afide. 
 
 Mrs. Strid. Be afi'ur'd, evAy other fufpicion of me was 
 as unjufr. as your laft ; though perhaps you had more 
 foundations for your fears. 
 
 Rang. She won't tell, fure, for her own fake. \_AJide. 
 
 Mrs. Strid. All muft be clear'd before my heart will be 
 at cafe. 
 
 P.ang. It looks plaguy like it, though ! [Afide. 
 
 Mr. Stria. What mean you : I am all attention. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. There was a man, as you fufpefted, in my 
 chamber laft night. 
 
 Mr. Stria. Ha! take care, I fhall relapfe. 
 
 Mrs. Siritf. That gentleman was he 
 
 9 Rang.
 
 yo THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 
 
 Rang. Here is a devil for you ! \_Afidc . 
 
 Mrs. Stria. Let him explain the reft. 
 Rang. A frolic ! a mere frolic ! on my life. 
 Mr. Stria. A frolic ! Zounds! {They interpofe . 
 
 Rang. Nay, don't let us quarrel the very moment you 
 declar'd yourfelf my friend. There was no harm done, I 
 promife you. Nay, never frown. After I have told my ftory, 
 any fatisfaftion you arepleas'd toafkl mall be ready to give. 
 Mr. StriS. Be quick then, and eafe me of my pain. 
 Rang. Why then, as I was ftrolling about lait night 
 
 upon the look out, I muft confefs Chance, and chance 
 
 only convey'd me to your houfe ; where I efpied a ladder 
 of ropes moft invitingly faften'd to the window. 
 Jacin. Which ladder I had faften'd for my efcape. 
 Mr. Stria. Proceed. 
 
 Rang. Up mounted I, and up I mould have gone, 
 if it had been in the garret. I open'd one door, then 
 another, and, to my great furprize, the whole houfe 
 was filent. At laft I Hole into a room where this lady 
 was undreffing. 
 
 Mr. Stria. 'Sdeathand the devil ! you did not dare, fure 
 
 Rang. I don't know whether I had dared or no, if I 
 
 had not heard the maid fay fomething of her mailer's 
 
 being jealous. Oh ! Damn me, thought I, then the 
 
 work is half done to my hands. 
 
 Jacin. Do yon mind that, Mr. Stridlland ? 
 
 Mr. Stria. I do 1 do, moft feelingly. 
 
 Rang. The maid grew faucy, and moft conveniently 
 to my wiftes, was turn'd out of the room j and if you 
 
 had not the bell wife in'the world 
 
 Mr. Stria, Ounds ! Sir, but what right have you 
 Rang. What right, Sir! if you will be jealous of 
 your wife without a caufe ; if you will be out at that 
 time of night, when you might have been fo much bet- 
 ter employ 'd at home, we young fellows think we have 
 
 aright 
 
 Mr. Stria. No joking, I befeech you. You know not 
 what I feel. 
 
 Rang. Then ferioufly, I was mad or drunk enough, 
 call it which you will, to be very rude to this lady ; for 
 which I afk both her pardon and yours. I am an odd 
 fort of a fellow, perhaps ; but I am above telling you 
 or any man a lie, damn me, if I am not. 
 
 Mr.
 
 THE SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND. 71 
 
 Mr. Striil. I rauft, I cannot but believe you; and 
 for the future, Madam, you fliall find a heart ready to 
 love and truft you. No tears, I beg : I cannot bear 
 them. 
 
 Mrs. Stria. I cannot fpeak, and yet there is a fa- 
 vour, Sir 
 
 Mr. Stria. I underftand you and, as a proof of 
 
 the fincerity with which I fpeak, I beg it as a favour of 
 this lady in particular [to Clarinda] and of all the 
 company in general, to return to my houfe immediately: 
 where every thing, Mr. Bellamy, mail be fettled to your 
 
 entire fatisfaftion No thanks; I have not deferv'd 
 
 them. 
 
 Jack Meg. I beg ycur pardon, Sir, the fiddles are 
 ready. Mrs. Bellamy has promis'd me her hand, and 
 I won't part with one of you till midnight ; and if you 
 are as well fatisfied as you pretend to be, let our friend 
 Rattle here begin the ball with Mrs. Strickland j for he 
 feems to be the hero of the day. 
 
 Mr. Stria. As you and the company pleafe. 
 
 Rang. Why, this is honeft. Continue but in this 
 humour, and faith ! Sir, you may truft me to run about 
 your houfe like a fpaniel I cannot fufficiently admire 
 at the whimficalneis of my good fortune, in being fo 
 
 inftrumental to this general happinefs Bellamy, 
 
 Frankly, I wim you joy with all my heart, (though I 
 h.-d rather you mould be married than I, for all that.) 
 Never did Matrimony appear to me with a fmile upon 
 her face 'till this inltant. 
 
 Sure joys for ever wait each happy pair, "J 
 
 When Jcnfe the man, and virtue crowns the fair ; > 
 
 And kind compliance proves their mutual care. j 
 
 [A dance* 
 
 E P I-
 
 EPILOGUE, 
 
 Written by Mr. GARRICK. 
 
 fT^HO" the young fmarts, I fee, begin tofneer, > 
 
 * And the oldfinners caft a wicked, leer : i. 
 
 Be not alarmed, ye fair you've nought to f far. j 
 
 Mo ivanton bint, no loofe ambiguous fesfe, 
 Shall flatter vicicus ta'fte at ycur expence. 
 Lea-ving, far once, theft' Jbamelefs arts in *vogue, 
 We give a fable for the Epilogue. 
 
 An Afi there ivas, our Author bade me fay, 
 
 Who needs muji ivnte be did and iurote a Play. 
 
 The parti nvere cajl to various beajis and fowl j 
 
 The flag* a barn the manager an Oivl. 
 
 The boufe ivas crammed at fix, with friends and foes ; 
 Rake 1 , ivits, and critics, citizens, and beaux, 
 Tbefe charafiers appeared in different Jbapes 
 Of tigtrs, foxes, borfes, built, and apes ; 
 
 With others too, of longer rank and flatten . 
 
 A perfect abftracJ of the brute creation. 
 
 Each, as be felt, marked out the Author's faults, 
 
 And thus the CcnnoiJ/eurs exprefs'd their thoughts. 
 
 'The Critic curs frj} fnarl d The rules are broke t 
 
 Time., place, and aflisn, facr:fc\i to joke. 
 
 The Goats cry"d our, "Tivas formal, dull, and cbafie 
 
 Not ivrit fo r beajis of gallant r j and tafte. 
 The Horned-Cattle ivere in piteous taking, 
 At fornication, rape.', and cuckold-making. 
 The Tigers J\vcre, He wanted fire and pajjicn ; 
 
 The Apes condemn d becaufe it ivas the fajhion. 
 
 The generous Steeds aUo^d him proper merit : 
 
 Here mark'd bis faults, and there approved bis fpirtt. 
 
 labile Brother- Bards brafd forth with ujual fpleett, 
 
 Andy as they heard, exploded every fcene. 
 
 When Reynird*s thoughts ivtre ajk\l, tie fir tigging fags, "1 
 
 Tanfd for kypocrify, and ivorn iiitb c%e, " r 
 
 C.nndetnn'd the fliamelefs licence of the ibge. 
 At which the Monkey Jkipp"d frcm box to box, 
 And nuhiff>er"d round the judgment of the Fox ; 
 Abused tie Moderns ; talked of Rome and Greece } 
 Bilk'd e--v*ry box-leeper ; and damn'd the piece. 
 
 No<w, e*v"ry fable has a moral to't 
 
 Be churchman. Jlatefman, any thing but poet. 
 
 In law, or pbyjic, quack in ivbat you 'will ; 
 Cant and grimace conceal the ivant of Jkill ; 
 Secure in tbffe, bis grai-ity may pafs 
 Bui here no artifice can hide the Afs.
 
 
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