I I THE YOUNG PARSON, THE YOUNG PARSON, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dream'd of in our philosophy." Hamlet. PHILADELPHIA: SMITH, ENGLISH & CO., No. 23 NORTH SIXTH STREET. 1863. Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1862, by SMITH, ENGLISH & CO., Jn the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. THE TRIAL SERMON 9 CHAPTER II. THE ELECTION OF A PASTOR. 17 CHAPTER III. THE YOUNG PARSON "GITS SETTLED" AND IS INTRODUCED TO THE PEOPLE 23 CHAPTER IV. HARD WORK 33 CHAPTER V. THE TWO HOLIDAYS 40 CHAPTER VI. THE SOCIETY IN AND AROUND GAINFIELD 50 CHAPTER VII. VISITING THE COUNTRY MEMBERS 57 CHAPTER VIII. THRILLING INCIDENTS 66 CHAPTER IX. BALLS, AND HOW THE PARSON COUNTENANCED THEM 73 CHAPTER X. THE YOUNG PARSON BECOMES A BON OF JUBAL 80 CHAPTER XI. "GREAT EXPECTATIONS" THE LOVE PART OF THE STORY BEGINS TUB HEROINE ENTERS .,...>. 86 1* (v) VI CONTENTS. CHAPTER XII. THE REHEARSAL: A DILEMMA 99 CHAPTER XIII. THE TRIBULATIONS OP ELDER STRAPIRON 105 CHAPTER XIV. MUSICAL AND STRATEGICAL 113 CHAPTER XV. MEAGRB'S DISCIPLE 122 CHAPTER XVI. MR. MONGREL AND HIS FAMILY 129 CHAPTER XVII. MR. MONGREL AND THE TWO PHYSICIANS 134 CHAPTER XVIII. WITCHCRAFT , 144 CHAPTER XIX. PHARISAISM , 156 CHAPTER XX. MONGREL ON TRIAL 161 CHAPTER XXI. "us MINISTERS" THE MODERN MARTYR 172 CHAPTER XXII. TOM HICKMAN MEZZOFANTI AND THE TWO NEOPHYTES 185 CHAPTER XXIII. A DRIVE WITH TOM HICKMAN FAITH 193 CHAPTER XXIV. EFFORTS TO PLEASE THE PEOPLE SPECIMEN BRICKS NO. 1. A PRESSED BRICK 203 CONTENTS. Vll CHAPTER XXV. EFFORTS TO PLEASE THE PEOPLE SPECIMEN BRICKS Ha 2. A BRICK OF A YARN, IN BATS FIRST PART OF THE BRICK 206 CHAPTER XXVI. EFFORTS TO PLEASE THE PEOPLE SPECIMEN BRICKS NO. 2. A LITTLE PIECE NECESSARY TO MAKE THE PARTS FIT TOGETHER... 215 CHAPTER XXVII. EFFORTS TO PLEASE THE PEOPLE SPECIMEN BRICKS NO. 2. THE OTHER END OF THE BRICK 221 CHAPTER XXVIII. UNFRIENDLY RELATIONS TONY TOMPK1NS A BRICK IN HIS HAT. 233 CHAPTER XXIX. OPEN HOSTILITIES 237 CHAPTER XXX. EFFORTS TO PLEASB THE LITTLE FOLKS 241 CHAPTER XXXI. CONSEQUENCES 247 CHAPTER XXXII. THE RECONCILIATION 253 CHAPTER XXXIII. DAYID EARLY AND HIS REQUEST 265 CHAPTER XXXIV. SELF-CONDEMNATION 275 CHAPTER XXXV. THE ROAD TO PHCEBE's HOUSE 279 CHAPTER XXXVI. LITTLE PHCEBB, THE CRIPPLE THE FIRST INTERVIEW 283 CHAPTER XXXVII. LITTLE PHOCBE, THE CRIPPLE HOW WAS SHE TO BE TAUGHT? A CALL AT DR. ARLINGTON'S 297 Viii CONTENTS. CHAPTER XXXVIII. FURTHER CRITICISMS PLEASANTRY 303 CHAPTER XXXIX. PHCEBE AT CHURCH TRIPLE ALLIANCE 310 CHAPTER XL. ANOTHER CONVERSATION 316 CHAPTER XLI. PHCEBE LEARNING 321 CHAPTER XLII. PHCEBK AS A CHRISTIAN 327 CHAPTER XLIII. THB PICTURES PHCEBE'S SUGGESTIONS 332 CHAPTER XLIV. DIVINE GRACE ILLUSTRATED 337 CHAPTER XLV. PHCEBE'S NEW SORROW 344 CHAPTER XLVI. THE GOLD BECOMES Dili 347 CHAPTER XLVII. THE FEMALE SEWING SOCIETY 351 CHAPTER XLVIII. NEEDLES AND THORNS 354 CHAPTER XLIX. THE CHOIR 365 CHAPTER L. THK RESIGNATION 368 CHAPTER LI. BOWLINGS AND BLEAT1NGS AFTER A SHEPHERD 372 THE YOUNG PARSON. CHAPTER I. THE TRIAL SERMON. THE Rev. Petit Meagre had accepted an invita- tion to preach a "trial sermon" before the Gainfield congregation; or, in other words, had consented to visit the people for exhibition twice on Sunday, at the usual hours for Divine service, yclept in some places "religious exercises" and "meetin'." Due notice had been given in the town paper that he would "exercise his gift" and display himself gener- ally ; and a full and punctual attendance was re- quested, in order that the people might pronounce upon the man and his performance. Several other candidates for popular favor, and for the congrega- tion's promise to pay two hundred and fifty dollars a year, had been there ; but as Providence decided that they should not accept "the call," these simply had various places assigned them, like Dante's heroes, in (9) 10 THE YOUNG PARSON. the minds of the people, only liable to be summoned forth for purposes of comparison and contrast. It was now thought that some immediate action was required for the good of the congregation. The letter to Mr. Meagre said: "The sacred oracles have long been dumb. Zion is languishing; our church is in debt, and our people scattered like sheep with- out a shepherd. The ministers of our church around here say it is a shame we can't keep a minister longer. But no one ever stayed over two years since the time of old Mr. Huguenot. He built the church, you know; but he had so many funerals that bad winter, that he got the hemorrhage of the lungs right in the pulpit, which our people didn't like in him, and so we thought we had better get a stronger man." Some one had said that Mr. Meagre was a " fust rate preacher for so young a man ; would set in almost anywhere, and was always ready to take good advice ;" by which it was understood that a young man whose abilities were reputed to be respectable, was willing to come there and do just what anybody would tell him to do. It was therefore almost a foregone con- clusion with the members of the congregation that they would elect Mr. Meagre, if he was " anything like." Of this they were to be the proper judges, and an opportunity was to be afforded to them to ex- amine the article for themselves. They could have an evidence of his existence sufficient to satisfy a St. Thomas, measure his mental calibre, guage his ortho- doxy, estimate his piety, and pronounce upon his suit- THE TRIAL SERMON. 11 ability for all coming time. One thing had prepos- sessed them in his favor. A ministerial brother who sustained some pecuniary losses among them, said upon apparent authority that Mr. Meagre's father was rich. He had sent his son through two colleges without a bit of help from the Board of Education, and therefore ought to have the privilege of supporting him as a missionary somewhere. Besides this, Mr. Meagre, it was said, was heir to a large fortune from his mother, which no one else could touch ; and it was argued that " all this might be an advantage to a congregation as bad off as this one." Upon hearing of this, a good-humored smile played over the face of Mr. Meagre's father, who was a little severe upon anything that might beget self-compla- cency in his children. "My boy," said the old gentleman, " your parchments are the only evidence I have that you have been through two colleges. We have a calf in the barn-yard that old Jim says has sucked two cows : it is a very big calf. All the cows on the plantation could not make a lion out of it. I do not know but that you will be a dear bargain for any people, even if some one else pays your ex- penses. But if the Gainfield congregation wants you, and you think you can do any goodj say that you will go. I have always told you that your Christian nur- ture and education were to be your only outfit from home, but while I have anything you shall never go hungry nor ragged. Remember, however, that if all your mother's children cost me as much as you havo 12 THE YOUNG PARSON. done, instead of getting a large estate by entail, you will hardly have the tail end of an estate. God bless you, and make you humble, useful, and happy." The invitation was accordingly accepted, as already stated. And now having accepted the invitation to preach the " trial sermon," Mr. Meagre's next duty was to go and preach it. He arrived in Gainfield on Saturday evening, was met at the cars, and carried off bag and baggage to the house of Mr. Absalom Strapiron. It was soon known that the preacher had come. The children peeped in at him through the crack of the door until those behind, in their eagerness to get a sight, pushed those before into the room, and then the whole herd scampered off as if a tribe of Indians was after them. The remarks made loud enough to be heard in the room where Mr. Meagre sat, were queer enough. While under his ancestral roof, where Mr. Meagre was not required to pay his own bills, as many a more worthy young man has to do, good clothes were so common that they never called forth a remark of any kind, except when Petit's first high hat was sent in, on which occasion one of his younger brothers said it was " so slick, that if a fly should try to alight on it, that fly would slip and break its neck." In Gainfield, however, the glossy black clothes of the young preacher fully corroborated the idea that he must be well off. Besides these, he wore patent-leather boots, and had a silk umbrella and a gold watch. A little boy who wore his father's gum shoes in dry weather, brought a pitcher of water into Mr. Meagre's room, and re- THETRIALSERMON. 13 ported to his mother afterwards that he " saw lots of things." " That man," he said, "had on a wrapper and worked slippers ; his coat was on the bed, and is all lined with silk sewed like flowers. He has a gold pencil, a pearl-handled knife, and a bead purse with something yaller in it ; they were all out on the stand. I picked up the purse to look at it, and he took it from me just to give me ten cents, you know, and then put it in his pocket." At tea, the children, about a baker's dozen in all, would put a spoonful of mush to their mouths, look first at the young clergyman's feet, then at one another and snicker, till their maternal put six or eight of them through a process she called "smacking," and sent them into the kitchen till prayer time. Albeit Mr. Meagre wore his clothes as if all unconscious of the fact that they were the subject of any remark. Noth- ing of importance occurred during the evening, ex- cept that Mr. Strapiron tried to prevail on the new minister to " stay over Monday and visit the people. Deacon Green mout tote you round." But Mr. Meagre, though just rising twenty-two, and aware that the peo- ple did not expect to " buy a pig in a poke," felt that he had already compromised himself by coming to preach the trial sermon ; so he promptly and steadily declined. Sunday morning came. Mrs. Strapiron put on her stockings and white crape shawl, and the whole family went to the church. Mr. Meagre walked mechanically with the daughter, whereupon an old woman and two giddy girls who joined them on the way, grew face- 2 14 THE YOUNG PARSON. tious, and wondered if anything would come out of it. Up the aisle moved Mr. Meagre. The whole congre- gation looked towards the door as he entered the house, the choir peeped down over the gallery, and he felt that he was the observed of all observers. The platform of the pulpit was just two feet and four inches wide, in which space an old-fashioned settee was placed, leaving room enough for a man to crowd in sidewise. The front of this noble piece of archi- tecture was so high that Mr. Meagre could scarcely see over the top of it ; but some one, in anticipation of the difficulty, had furnished an eight-by-ten glass- box for him to stand upon. This he used, holding on to the Bible-board to maintain his balance. Now in this thing of preaching a trial sermon, a minister might take an unholy advantage of a congre- gation. Rev. Petit Meagre, for instance, might have committed two of Mason's best, practised them in the woods, declaimed them in such a way as to give out the idea that he was a star of pretty considerable magnitude, and thus been elected pastor before any one could say the "jackdaw struts in borrowed plumes." But Rev. Petit was conscientious, and had six sermons of his own, written perhaps, alas ! too much like sophomoric orations, but thought over carefully, and prayed over earnestly ; and he delivered the message contained in the one selected for that occasion, honestly, humbly, and fervently. That there were some drawbacks that day, he did not deny. His disposition to look at the ridiculous side of every- THE TRIAL SERMON. 15 thing haunted him like an evil genius, and it required frequent acts of self-recollection to resist it. Stand- ing on one foot, as the narrowness of his box fre- quently led him to do, he longed for a perch, and a claw, and for a wing, that he might draw up the other foot under it; and as the box moved and sometimes began to tilt, he could not help reflecting on the terrible result should he pitch over the pulpit, espe- cially as Miss Strapiron sat just where he would fall, her mouth very wide open, as if she anticipated the probability of such a result, and was prepared to swallow him patent-leather boots, gold watch, and all. He marked with alarm that once as he was almost gone, her eyes dilated and her mouth ex- panded, and she seemed to rise slightly. Terror- stricken, he hung to the edge of the desk, like a drown- ing mariner to a rock. Such thoughts were the flies in the ointment. Besides, he felt that those before him came there not as humble worshippers, or as those anxious to learn the truth, but as critics to form an estimate of him. He was merely sitting for a da- guerreotype, and the holy solemnities of his office seemed almost reduced to a farcical show. But the "speakin' was fust rate." This was the opinion not only of the members, but of others who heard it. Old Brother Surcingle of a "sister de- nomination" was there that day. His own pastor had preached from notes the Sunday before the only time he ever did it, to be sure, but Brother Sur- cingle was seeking a place where it was never done. 1G THE YOUNG PARSON. As he was very near-sighted, and Mr. Meagre did not display his manuscript very palpably, it was concluded that Mr. Meagre had none. Satisfied upon this point, Brother Surcingle went to sleep, and awoke when the congregation arose to prayer, greatly refreshed by the sermon, of course. The young brother had made a "powerful effort." Brother Surcingle even waited till he came from the pulpit, to be introduced to him, complimented him, and hoped he would lend a listen- ing ear to the Macedonian cry. " If only we had such a preacher. I tell you what ! " and here he gave a w'-h-e-w that fell little short of a long, loud whistle. Now, as Brother Surcingle's pastor was the best preacher in the State ; so faithful and beloved, that he had been gradually emptying some of the other churches in the town, these expressions were thought to indicate great expectations as to what Mr. Meagre would do. Chrysostom was to be out-Chrysostomed, and the " largest bear in the country" was to be displaced by a still "lager beer." The young brother's determination to leave early on the next morning had probably been announced ; for as he followed the congregation out of the church, the choir struck up that eminently churchly tune : "I'm a pilgrim, I'm a stranger, I can tarry, I can tarry but a night." When old Brother Huguenot heard of this, he said : "That congregation always had nice ideas of pro- priety. Once when I entered the church to begin the THE ELECTION OF A PASTOK. 17 i morning service, the choir struck up the well-known ' Dismission Hymn' to the tune of ' Days of Absence.' However, Brother Meagre, as there is to be an elec- tion next week, you may have an opportunity here- after to see more of the little flock." CHAPTEE II. THE ELECTION OF A PASTOR. THE Gainfield congregation having determined to hold a meeting "to elect a pastor," Rev. Mr. Huguenot, who had a neighboring church, and who felt an interest in the Gainfield people although they had treated him badly, was invited to be present, and see that all things went rightly. Electing pastors was not an uncommon thing with the flock at that place, but it had a knack of doing everything in the wrong way ; and the Synod had threatened to interpose with its authority unless more regard was paid to the rules of the Church. To Mr. Huguenot, therefore, was assigned the duty of Major-General, to direct the affairs of the meeting. The people had assembled " according to appoints ment," and Mr. Huguenot told a young deacon to move that old Mr. Holland, the elder, take the chair ; to which Mr. Holland replied, "1 can set jest as good on the bench, like on the cheer;" but upon being 18 THE YOUNG PARSOK. made acquainted with the dignity conferred upon him, he assumed it with an air that no one can appreciate without knowing the man. A resolution was then offered, to go into an election for a pastor. *' Put the motion," said Mr. Huguenot to Mr. Hol- land. "Foot it yourself, can't you? "'said Mr. Holland. " Yes, sir, but you are the chairman." "Well! ain't you a breacher?" asked the presi- dent, triumphantly. History has not recorded Mr. Huguenot's reply, but he succeeded in obtaining an affirmative vote on the question, perhaps without get- ting Mr. Holland to understand fully the prerogatives and duties of his office. The licentiate, Rev. Petit Meagre, was then put in nomination, and an opportunity afforded for remarks. There was silence for the space of five minutes, al- though several persons present evidently had something weighty on their minds. Miss Smartley whispered to her friend, that she hoped Mr. Meagre would be elected ; her cousin went to the same seminary, and he said of all the licenshes who left this year, Mr. Meagre was the best. Old Mr. Huggermugger ad- dressed the meeting first, without rising from his seat. He said, " Some of the Episcopals say that this Mea- gre is purty much for high church. For my part I think the church is high enough. It's no use to finish that steeple. I think all them bad steps out front of the meetin' house make my rumatiz worse ; but my old woman says the school-house down stairs ought to THE ELECTION OF A PASTOR. 19 be cleaned. I go aginst a high church, and want the Sunday-school whitewashed." Here Mr. Strapiron arose. " The new minister's hands don't look as if he had ever worked much, and his kid gloves are just like a girl's." He was about to enlarge on this general subject, when a look from his wife, that seemed to be a reminder, brought him to a halt. It appears that Mr. Strapiron had been a convert to something of the kind himself once in his life. When his third wife died he denounced black cotton, and declined a hearse to go a mile, on the ground that such things "gendered to pride." But six weeks afterwards, when he married the present Mrs. Strapiron, who was thirty years his junior, he wore kids himself, and brought her home in a carriage, although the distance was only three squares. Mr. Strapiron was aware that these things had gained him notoriety, and was willing to drop the subject in hand, only remarking, as he took his seat, that he had seen the folly of some things, and quoting Paul as saying, " When I was a child I o^d like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things." Gossip said Mr. Strapiron became a child every time he be- came a widower. Mrs. Wiggleton, of Turnip Hill, thought the new preacher was too young. ' " He don't look older than our Americus, and he won't be nineteen 'till next hay- making. A body will feel strange to see such a little man in the pulpit when we have had such a big one ; " and here Mrs. Wiggleton shed a tear in remembrance 20 THE YOUNG PARSON. of Rev. Millard Jacobs, whom she helped to starve out, and for whom she now so tenderly sighed. Now Mr. Meagre had been told of his smallness of stature several times during his short visit to Gainfield, and once said, in self-defence, that he was probably about the size of St. Paul. This remark was used by Deacon Green in answer to Mrs. Wiggleton ; and as it did not occur to the congregation that " a contemptible bodily presence " was the only point of resemblance between Mr. Meagre and the apostle, they expressed themselves as perfectly satisfied. Meanwhile Mr. Teasil and old Mrs.. Graves had so far misapprehended the object of the meeting as to get into a discussion of the Doctrine of Election in the side aisle to the right of the pulpit, and by this time had become decidedly noisy. The old lady heaped upon her opponent some very severe epithets in a loud voice, and Mr. Huguenot as an advisory member insisted that the president should preserve order. But Mr. Holland simply drew himself up in his seat and said : " If dose two o^^eples aint got de sense to pehave, I won't have nuttin to do mit em." The disputants subsided, however, finally of their own ac- cord, and the way was opened for further remarks. At this point Mr. Strapiron made his second speech. " Brethren," he said, " this is a solemn matter before us. Our hearts ought to be right and our motives pure. All hidden wickedness will be made manifest soon enough. I think we ought to pick on Mr. Mea- gre as our pastor. When he was here he stayed at my THE ELECTION OP A PASTOR. 21 house, and I think he is blessed with enough and to spare of this world's goods. I did not say much to him about this ; but I did not offer to pay his expenses up here, and he had not the face to ask it. That speaks for itself. And then he had letters to intro- duce him to some of the richest men in this town, the real aristocracy. I don't know but what he is some kin to them, and if he comes they might pay con- siderable of the salary." This argument had a thrilling effect. Mr. John Crimp arose, and said he was now " convinced " that Mr. Meagre would be the " cheapest man" they could get. He would like to " come to a vote," but he had not heard the new schoolmaster say anything yet. That gentleman, thus called out, remarked : " 1 do not wish to have anything to do with it. The congre- gation might be divided, and it would hurt my busi- ness to take sides. I expect to vote non-liquet." " Ya, ya," cried old Mr.'Krime, "dat is zo. Dat breacher is broud. His hair vos barted ; he breach for gelt ; I too votes not tike it." With these exceptions, the election was unanimous. Rev. Mr. Huguenot made a speech at the close, which was said, by a looker-on in Venice, to have been rich beyond description. Some of the congregation, who understood parts of it, got angry at him and refused to pay a note they had given him some years before. Many, however, did not understand him, and took his irony for compliment. He said that after the " trial sermon" he had no doubt the congregation would 22 THE YOUNG PARSON. "pick on" Mr. Meagre as their pastor, even as they had picked on several before ; agreed with Brother Strapiron that " men's motives could not remain hidden long ; " had no doubt that Mr. Meagre was influenced by sordid considerations, but that if he had friends here, would be the "cheapest man" in town; encour- aged the brethren to believe that their new minister would not wear kid gloves long. Mr. Huguenot had no idea that Mr. Meagre's high church tendencies would lead to any important changes. These walls he said have been permitted to sink several inches, and he would undertake to say that not a brick would be added to the unfinished tower. He had been of Mrs. Huggermugger's opinion in regard to cleaning the basement, for ten years. After reviewing the proceedings in this way, he tried to reason with the people, to remove their igno- rance and prejudices, to elevate their ideas, and closed with an appeal, as much distinguished for its pathos as his first words had been for their severity. But this he had tried before, through long years, and now he prayed that Mr. Meagre might be more suc- cessful than he had been. THE PARSON "GITS SETTLED." 23 CHAPTER III. THE YOUNG PARSON "GITS SETTLED" AND IS INTRODUCED TO THE PEOPLE. HAVING received and accepted a call to the pastor- ate of the Gainfield Charge, Rev. Petit Meagre lost no time in repairing to his field of labor. Not only the Gainfield Gazette, but the general church papers noticed the fact, and said, of course, that the young brother entered upon his duties with " rare prospects of usefulness and success." The expected arrival of the new preacher had given some anxiety to the elder ladies of the church. They were deeply exercised to know where he ought to room, and board, and have his washing done. Several families declined taking him before they were asked to take him ; and others intimated, with a knowing toss of the head, that anything they might do in this way would depend on circumstances. Mr. Meagre cut the knot by taking these things entirely into his own hands. He got a fine second-story room on a corner, a room over which no member of the con- gregation ever had the least possible control. He also engaged "provender" at a regular boarding- house, and sent his "wash" to a laundry. Upon the whole, these domestic arrangements if there is such 24 THE YOUNG PARSON. a thing as domesticity in bachelordom proved to be the best that could have been made. No one in the congregation knew how late he studied at night, or how late he slept in the morning ; what he ate, or how frequently he changed his linen. His room, al- though in a central location, and accessible to his friends, was strictly private. At the boarding-house there were many pleasant people, and except that Mr. Meagre was betrayed into two slight skirmishes with the landlady, he had nothing to complain of in these respects. And lest it might be supposed that these difficulties were of a serious nature, it may be well to state the facts connected with them, and thus forever relieve all apprehension. The first offence was given in this simple way. Mr. Meagre never drank anything except water at his meals, but was so intemperate in the use of that, that it was thought to be an economy of time and labor to keep a pitcher near his place at the table. One even- ing he was filling his glass, and old Mrs. Tuber, the aforesaid landlady, who was a sort of Mrs. Parting- ton, had her hand on the tea-urn. The forces thus disposed, Mrs. Tuber broke a five minutes' silence by asking Mr. Meagre a sort of conundrum which she had read in the paper, and thought to give a personal application by adapting it to circumstances. " Mr. Meagre, what is the difference between you and me?" " I don't know, madam, except that while I dish out pure water you pour out dish-water." THE PARSON "GITS SETTLED." 25 This raised a loud laugh, at which Mr. Meagre was really surprised, for as he never tasted the beverage Mrs. Tuber dispensed, he did not know that his epithet had ever been applied to it. It appeared, however, that dish-water was the name commonly given to it, and the boarders were disposed to pass a vote of thanks to the young preacher for giving the old lady the hint ; but she, perhaps, never loved him any the better for it. Of course, Mr. Meagre made the neces- sary explanations, and having disavowed any ungen- tleraanly desire to wound any one's feelings, his dis- claimer was taken as ending the matter. On the other occasion, Mrs. Tuber attempted to lecture Mr. Meagre for his irregularity in coming to his meals. Now his professional engagements some- times stood in the way of compliance with the rules of the house. He could not leave a funeral train on the street because the dinner-bell was ringing, nor always quit the couch of the dying when the finger on the dial indicated that it was tea time. And then, whether the congregation knew it or not, Mr. Meagre did sleep a little late on Monday mornings ; and to be candid, it was one of these lie-a-bed sins that un- loosed the oldJady's tongue. But Mr. Meagre told her that as she never took the trouble to keep the rolls hot, and even sent him break- fastless away when he came too late, he suffered all the inconvenience himself, and did not think he ought to have the additional punishment of a scolding. He was willing to bear one penalty, but not both, and 3 26 THE YOUNG PARSON. Mrs. Tuber might choose which to inflict. As it was easier for a corpulent person to keep silent than to warm a beefsteak, Mrs. Tuber ceased to chide, and there was no further difficulty. In addition to the Gainfield congregation, Mr. Meagre had two other "preaching places," as they were called. The one was a few miles out of town, and the other at Pumbeditha, twenty miles away. As he could go to the first of these and return the same day, it was not necessary for him to make any arrange- ments in regard to boarding and lodging. He never stayed over night, and seldom accepted an invitation to tea. In order to get to Pumbeditha, however, he must needs go to a certain station on the railroad, where he was generally met by Mr. Middleton, and taken to the village in a sort of " carry-all," which Mr. Meagre named u The Diligence," and in which he had many pleasant rides. Mr. Middleton was by far the best man Mr. Meagre had among his members, and his wife was a most excellent woman. Their house had been a sort of hotel for all the ministers of the denomination for years, only no minister ever had a bill to pay. The pastors who had labored there all regarded it as a green spot in the desert, and Mr. Meagre took to it instinctively, as a duck takes to water. He had much to do in the congregation at Pumbeditha, and usually stayed several days at a time. Mr. Middleton's was then his home the point of departure whence he visited the people ; and by that hearthstone he often THE PARSON "GITS SETTLED." 27 smoked a cigar, talked, and even laughed, without the fear of bringing scandal upon his profession. Nearly every one of the people of the congregation knew Mr. Meagre by sight at least, when he returned to Gainfield ; and strangely enough, they expected him to know every one of them. Now if any single one of them had preached a trial sermon to him, he doubt- less would have remembered that person, but he did not know the two hundred to whom he had simply preached a trial sermon. In order that he might correct this evil, and know every man, woman, and child, Deacon Green was ap- pointed to " tote him round and introduce him." This work was to have been commenced on Monday, but as Mr. Meagre had once heard that Monday was universal wash-day, the pleasure of visiting the people was post- poned until Tuesday. The women, however, concluded that the young preacher would not think so far ; so they put their washing off until Tuesday, and when Mr. Meagre came on that day, he found many of them at their tubs. Mrs. McAndlish apologized and "took on about it," as if washing clothes was a mor- tal sin, of which any woman ought to be ashamed. In vain did Mr. Meagre say it was no crime. Mrs. McAndlish had Spartan ideas. It was no sin to wash perhaps, but a dreadful one to be caught washing. The young parson sympathized with the embarrass- ment the woman labored under ; and while he pro- claimed that it was the part of a Christian to perform aright the humblest duty, and honored those who did* 28 THE YOUNG PARSON. so, he jotted down as a thing to be remembered for- ever in his pastoral labors : Tuesday is a wash-day ; don't call on anybody. As Mr. Meagre forgot that he had put the week out of joint, he just made a mistake in the day, and having got that "right wrong," he visited Mrs. Mo Andlish the next time on Monday, and found her washing again. She managed to correct his calender, and almost extorted a promise that he would " always make some other time suit his convenience." The people generally seemed glad to see Mr. Mea- gre, though some of them were needlessly flustered when he came upon them unawares. He did not take them all by surprise, however. On Turnip Hill, where nearly a whole square belonged to his bailiwick, a girl who was scrubbing the pavement suddenly espied him coming, and dropping broom, bucket, and house-cloth, ran to give the alarm. Perhaps there were no signal fires kindled suph as the Greeks lighted to announce the fall of Troy, but there was a calling over garden fences, and a running through back yards, that indi- cated a spread of news ; and after leaving the first house, Mr. Meagre was not obliged to tap more than once at a front door. Time had been given to every woman to put on a clean apron, open her parlor shut- ters, and instruct her children how to behave. The commands given to the little ones were, that they should neither smile nor move a muscle, but keep per- fectly still, "just like in meeting," until the preacher went away. THE PARSON "(JITS SETTLED." 29 The general ideas which the children took from these commands were, that the new preacher was to be the tyrant of their infancy ; that religion was harsh and forbidding ; and that they might do behind a min- ister's back what they dare not do before his face another piece of Spartan morality that had been in- culcated, perhaps for years. The result was that the youth of the congregation, instead of looking upon their pastor as a kind, approachable man, anxious to do them good, had a sort of instinctive aversion to him. The effect of some such teaching was patent enough to Mr. Meagre. For although he was not a very " solemncholy " man, yet for a long time the young people studiously avoided him, and if they came upon him unexpectedly, "All shrank, like boys who unaware Ranging the woods to start a hare Come to the mouth of the dark lair Where growling low, a fierce old bear Lies amidst bones and blood!" Some very queer things occurred in these first visits ; things of such a nature that they cannot be recorded here, and would scarcely be credited if they were recorded. They must, therefore, be omitted. It may be harmless to state, however, that Mr. Meagre's youthful appearance was a subject of uni- versal remark. "How old are you?" boldly asked one scared-up, iron-visaged woman, the only time she. opened her mouth while Mr. Meagre was in her house. " Is this now the preacher?" said oae iu another 3* 30 THE YOUNG PARSON. place ; " I didn't git to meetin', but they all told me I never seen sich a short preacher. Are you healt'y ? Some of the preachers are so scandalous sickly, they ain't good for nothin'. Spec you've got good larnin' tho'. Let's see ! Meagre is your name. There was one Meagre got killed out at Poltz's, with a thrashin' machine. 'Rec'on it wasn't you, was it ? " " Same man," Mr. Meagre was strongly disposed to say, and stick to it with the pertinacity of a Jew pedlar, hut his better nature triumphed, and he can- didly acknowledged that he was altogether a different person. At one house, a stout, middle-aged woman who wore spectacles, bustled in. She was a Methodist, but had a curiosity to see the new preacher, and came osten- sibly on important business. "Miss Storm," she said, ' ; I just come to ax you a perticler question. Is it bad luck to set a hen on odd eggs ? Bin trubbled 'bout it more 'an a week, and says I to Cythy, says I, ' I'll just go and ax Miss Storm.' " Mrs. Storm gave her sage opinion, and the lady visitor having taken a good look at the object of her curiosity, departed, saying she was in a dreadful hurry, " Cythy run out o' bread, she's bakin' and her baby's cryin'. Think that child ought to have some catnip." Mr. Meagre's first visit to old Mr. Krime impressed the young pastor very sadly ; although if the old man had not exhibited such utter depravity and hardness of heart, the interview would have been laughable THE PARSON "GITS SETTLED." 31 enough. Some strange things were expected. Mr. Krime was over eighty years of age. He had per- haps from his very youth opposed everything in the way of religion, and the disposition to do so had be- come a constitutional habit. "He had the fixed posture of mind and heart of one who feared that some of God's people would exercise an influence over him and take advantage of him. His specialty was hatred to ministers of the Gospel. Some years before, a good Methodist brother had tried to approach him kindly, and only received words of cursing for his pains. Since that time missionary operations h;id been sus- pended. Of course Mr. Krime never attended public worship. He had not even seen Mr. Meagre when that functionary came to preach his trial sermon ; but some one had told the old man that the minister's hair was "barted," and he knew he was " broud." Al- though an outsider, Mr. Krime had gone to the con- gregational meeting at Gainfield, as he himself said, to " shust let de beobles know vat I tinks. I not likes de breacher to kom any more to dis place." But Mrs. Krime, a healthy-looking woman of about forty years, desired Mr. Meagre to come and see the old man. " He is a little plain-spoken like," she said, "but you musn't mind him. I'll make an ex- cuse to keep the dogs tied that day." Of course Mr. Meagre thought it his duty to go. The old man was more stern than Cedric the Saxon : he did not advance even three steps to meet his guest, but sat still. This was excusable enough, as he was diJ THE YOUNG PARSON. vory old ; but the monosyllabic sound that he uttered when made aware that a preacher had ventured into his presence a sound something between a grunt and a groan, was highly expressive of contempt and defiance. Mr. Meagre talked with Mrs. Krime until the old man turned upon him with a leer and asked, "Any sin to go fur jarries on Zunday ?" Mrs. Krime explained that he meant cherries. " Ya, jarries any sin to go fur jarries on Zun- day?" " Yes, sir," said Mr. Meagre, emphatically. "Zo? De breachers do worse dings as go fur jarries. Dey breach von blace und den quick shump on,, und ride so hard like dey kin, to breach anoder blace, shist to make de monish ; und de breachers all go in " here Mr. Krime pointed downwards, and used a monosyllable which more than implied a doubt as to ministers getting to heaven. Mr. Meagre preserved his gravity. There was nothing to try his temper, however much there might have been to excite his pity or provoke his mirth. He gave Mr. Krime a lecture that was plain enough to be understood, and expected to be rewarded by a caning, but the old man seemed rather pleased with the candor the young preacher displayed, and grew more amiable and sociable. Among other things, he gave an account of the way he had punished some boys whom he caught stealing his peaches, which w;is funny enough ; and his triumph in the event referred HARD WORK. 33 to, seemed to linger in his mind as one of the most pleasing recollections of his long life. When the young parson arose to leave he was ad- vised by the old man to " Shust ride tro de woods a little und scape de doll-gate," which operation Mr. Meagre objected to on high moral grounds, at which Mr. Krime was surprised. What was the object in giving this advice was never fully known. Mr. Mea- gre thought it was intended to test his principles, or perhaps save his purse ; but he afterwards learned that the old gentleman had once been fined five dollars for a little ride that he himself had taken around the toll- gate, and it was half feared that there was a covert attempt to get somebody else into the same scrape. CHAPTER IV. HARD WORK. REV. Petit Meagre entered upon his labors with all the ardor of his first love. Before he was old enough to be ordained he had a sort of vicarage in a city congregation, but here was a charge that the church had committed to his own care. A sense of his re- sponsibility almost overwhelmed him. and he resolved by grace to do all in his power to take care of the interests intrusted to him. There was around him in 34 THE YOUNG PARSON. other congregations a great deal -of refined society, to which respectability was a passport ; but he resolved to deny himself the pleasure thus offered him, and identify himself as far as possible with his own peo- ple. He knew that they had peculiarities ; that they were generally ignorant and illiberal ; but this only constituted a reason why he should put forth greater effort, and never did young man throw his energies more fully into the work before him. His anxiety to know every one to whom he owed a duty, and the expectation that he should know every one, now that Deacon Green had " toted him round," sometimes embarrassed the young parson sadly. The first week he was in Gainfield he passed some of his most prominent members without recognizing them, and this was thought very strange. Afterwards he would bow and bob indiscriminately to every person he met, sometimes to strangers who were just passing through the town, and once to a lady whom he had never seen, and who thought him to be either near- sighted, or else a booby. In every congregation, there are some persons whom a new preacher is apt to confound with others ; and this betrayed Mr. Mea- gre into anxiously asking a young lady of whose identity he was certain, how her mother was ; to which said young lady replied, that her mother had been dead for ten years. On another occasion he politely inquired of an old maid, when she looked for her husband ; and confused by her tart reply, explained, that he mistook her for Mrs. Porwiggle, whose hus- H A R D W R K . 35 band had left the town the week before with one of his grandsons, to see after a pension to which he was entitled, as a soldier of the war of 1812. From that unhappy hour Miss Languish treated Mr. Meagre with the most ferocious disdain, especially insisting that he " had horrid goggle eyes, just like a toad, you know ; that he squinted fearfully, and must be going stone blind." Of course he had to resort to every device consistent with sound morality to find out who people were, without directly asking them their names. Ignorance on that point would have so offended their vanity, that they would not have re- covered from it for years. However, he soon learned to know the material he had to work upon. Like many ardent, but inexperienced young clergy- men, Mr. Meagre commenced by doing too much. His one hundred members were scattered in almost as many families ; yet he visited and prayed with them all on an average of once a month. In this, Rev. Petit exactly overdid the matter; for when circum- stances arose which prevented him from doing this, it was set down as a falling off, not only in his interest, but in his piety. At home, he had been taught al- ways to discriminate in favor of the poor and the sick. This he always did ; but sometimes the sick required all of his time, and then those who were well made no abatement for the fact that they did not need his ser- vices, and that he was not ubiquitous. Once he had promised to call at a certain place at an appointed hour ; some neighbor's chickens had scratched up an 36 THE YOUNG PARSON. old lady's pens, and her son ha