THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES GIFT OF Kenneth MacKenna v/1 SOUTI ovuv | j ^a K-Z <:> * This edition, printed on Old Stratford paper, is limited to one hundred and sixty copies, signed by the Author. THE MELANCHOLY TALE OF "ME" MY REMEMBRANCES THE MELANCHOLY TALE OF "ME" MY REMEMBRANCES BY EDWARD H. SOTHERN ILLUSTRATED NEW YORK CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS 1916 COPYRIGHT, igi6, BY CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS Published September, igxO College THE MELANCHOLY TALE OF "ME" DEDICATED TO LUCY DERBY FULLER AS THE "ONLIE BEGETTER" OF THESE STORIES BY EDWARD H. SOTHERN PREFACE WHEN I was young, I had a little friend; and one day, when other little friends were invited to a festivity, I said: "Look here! You hide behind this curtain, and then nobody will know where you are." "But," said my little friend, "nobody cares!" The pitiful experience indicated by this remark has remained with me, and I have frequently thought that when we are prepared to jump out from behind our curtain and surprise people with our opinions, we should be warned by my small friend's pathetic conclusion. However, we never profit by other people's ex- perience, so here I am. CONTENTS PACE DEDICATION v PREFACE vii PART I "ME" THE FAIRY GODMOTHER 3 THE JAM-FACED BOY 10 "GOING NOWHERE" 14 SORRY WHEN DEAD 25 FINE FEATHERS 32 " TA " 43 PRIVATE AND UNEXPECTED 52 "RASHER" 59 "THE Music OF THE SPHERES" 65 AMONG THE GODS 75 "THE BLESSEDS" 85 UNCLE CHARLEY 94 A "DAWDLER" 101 be x CONTENTS PART II HUGH MM HUGH in FORWARD! 122 "RUFFIAN DICK" 135 PART III MY FATHER ISHERWOOD 147 THE COCKED HAT 161 LORD DUNDREARY 171 ALL MIRTH AND No MATTER 182 No SONG, No SUPPER 191 "THE CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN" 199 PART IV MYSELF MONSIEUR LA TAPPY 209 I CHOOSE A PROFESSION 216 "SAINT VINCENT" 229 JOHN McCuLLoucH 248 THE NEAR FUTURE^ 260 RHYME AND TIME 268 MRS. MABBITT 278 WHY! 285 CONTENTS xi MOB THE OLD LYCEUM THEATRE 292 "MRS. MIDGET" 303 "FLOCK" 314 "LETTARBLAIR" 322 MEADOW-LARKS AND GIANTS' ROBES . . . .331 "Mr OWN SHALL COME TO ME" 339 THE EMPTY CHAIR 351 "THE BEAUTIFUL ADVENTURE" 358 SANCTUARY 368 I TALK TO MYSELF 375 UP THE CHIMNEY 400 INDEX 403 ILLUSTRATIONS Edward H. Sothern Frontispiece "Me," aged two years Facing page 3 Edward H. Sothern, aged fifteen years " 6 Uncle Hugh and his dog " 18 Mother of Edward H. Sothern " 30 Mother with "Me" in her arms .... " 36 "Ta," Sam Sothern, aged two years ... " 44 Sam Sothern, aged seven years 44 Lytton Sothern, aged nineteen years ... " 48 "The Cedars," London " 50 Edward A. Sothern in 1863 " 54 Edward H. Sothern, aged nine years ... " 80 "The Blesseds" at Ramsgate " 86 Joe Jefferson " 92 John T. Raymond " 92 Dunchurch, near Rugby " 96 Facsimile of part of the official record of Uncle Hugh Page 117 Uncle Hugh in Alexandria, Egypt . . . Facing page 124 xm xiv ILLUSTRATIONS Lineage of Uncle Hugh Facing page 128 The set of pictures (Sir Richard Burton) from Uncle Hugh's room " 136 Programmes of Sothern's Lyceum .... " 148 Facsimile of part of advertisement in New York Herald, October 18, 1858, announc- ing the first production of "Our American Cousin" Page 172 Programme Laura Keene's Theatre, Novem- ber 22, 1858 Facing page 172 E. A. Sothern as Lord Dundreary, 1858 . . 174 Edward A. Sothern as Lord Dundreary in . "Our American Cousin" 176 Facsimile of part of a page in E. A. Sothern's scrap-book noting the birth of his son, Edward H. Sothern 178 E. A. Sothern as the Kinchin in "The Flowers of the Forest" 180 Edward A. Sothern about 1875 .... 184 Laura Keene as Florence Trenchard ... 188 Edward A. Sothern as David Garrick ... 192 E. A. Sothern as The Crushed Tragedian . . 202 Drawing by E. H. Sothern of figure in the Laocoon group 210 Oil sketch made by E. H. Sothern in Spain . 210 Programme Park Theatre, September 8, 1879 226 Programme Boston Museum, December 8, 1879 226 William Warren " 230 ILLUSTRATIONS xv Programme National Theatre, Boston, No- vember i, 1852 Facing page 232 Programme Howard Athenaeum, Boston, De- cember 8, 1852 " 232 Edward H. Sothern in 1879 " 236 "St. Vincent" (Mrs. R. H. Vincent) ... " 240 John McCullough " 252 C. W. Couldock " 264 Daniel Frohman about 1891 " 264 Edward H. Sothern, 1884 " 270 Richard Mansfield, 1883 " 270 Sam Sothern, 1916 " 286 E. H. Sothern as Jack Hammerton in "The Highest Bidder" " 296 Facsimile of pages from souvenir programme of "The Highest Bidder" " 298 Eugene B. Sanger, messenger boy .... " 300 Belle Archer, Maude Adams, and E. H. Sothern in "Lord Chumley" .... 308 "Flock." Charles P. Flockton in costume in "Change Alley" 316 E. H. Sothern in the horse-auction scene Captain Lettarblair " 326 E. H. Sothern as Captain Lettarblair Litton . " 326 Edwin Booth " 334 xvi ILLUSTRATIONS Courtyard of house in New Orleans where Edward H. Sothern was born, December 6, 1859 Facing page 348 Captain John Shackford " 352 Charles Frohman " 360 Edward A. Sothern and party on a fishing trip, Rangeley Lakes, Maine " 370 Henry M. Rogers " 372 William J. Florence " 372 Facsimile of the play-bill of the National Theatre, Boston, November I, 1852 . . At end of volume PART I "ME" "ME," AGED TWO YEARS I THE FAIRY GODMOTHER MOST authorities agree that fairy godmothers come down chimneys. It is pretty well established also that their chief vehicle of locomotion is a broomstick. "Me," however, will assure you that, in his own particular case, neither of these statements is correct. "Me" possesses a fairy godmother who has never approached him by the chimney route, and who has ever practised the ordinary means of transportation, although he shrewdly suspects that in some cases she has the chimney habit. When "Me" was a child his ambition was to be a hermit. He had seen a picture of Saint Somebody living in a nice, comfortable cave, with a large loaf of bread and a pitcher of water, a lot of books and a skull. All of these things appealed strongly to "Me." Home-made bread he could devour to the exclusion of all other food; books he was exceedingly fond of and early made them his best friends, and the skull fascinated him. This temple of thought "Me" quite longed to possess, to contemplate it, to commune with it in solitude. You will gather that "Me" was a somewhat unusual child. This, I think, was the case. "Me's" head was very large and his eyes were like saucers "Goggles" he was called the moment he went to school, and "Goggles" he re- mained until he grew large enough for his eyes not to be so noticeable. I 4 MY REMEMBRANCES "Me's" first clear recollection is that of being held up to look at the Atlantic Ocean through the port-hole of a steamer bound for England, and of breaking out into screams of terror at finding, on taking his eyes off the great waves, that he was looking into the face of a black woman. This is now merely the remembrance of a remembrance, but there is a great distinctness about it all the same. "Me" recalls being rescued from the black nurse's arms and put to bed, and here he per- ceives for the first time a sweet, gentle, white face which has watched over him ever since. "Me's" next remembrance is of being taught some prayers and of being greatly interested in the pictures conjured up thereby. Next, like a flash, comes the scene of a large hall in a country house, and the arrival of a man from Australia, who unpacked all kinds of weapons of the aborigines shields, spears, head-dresses, and of seeing "Me's" father and mother and other persons dressed up in these strange things, and of much laughter, and then a great number of people at a very large breakfast-table, and the new man turning out to be an old, old friend of "Me's" father. Impressions come rapidly after this. Life became interesting and kaleidoscopic. A great many people circulated about "Me's" father and "Me's" large head echoed with ideas from China to Peru. But "Me" preferred to be an observer rather than an actor in the pageant that was opening before him, and it was about this time that one of his saucer eyes fell on the picture of the hermit, and selected that as his calling. Shortly "Me" went to school and was plunged into abject misery. It is true, the school was not more than two hundred yards from his home; but "Me" would THE FAIRY GODMOTHER 5 cast from him thoughts of the alphabet and, dropping into his small lap, with listless hands, that volume which tells us that "A is an archer who shot at a frog," and "B is a butcher who had a great dog," "Me" would, with some effort, picture himself, to himself, as bereft by the great Reaper of both his parents and his nurse, and his small brother and sister, and having reduced himself to a condition of orphanage, friendlessness, and starvation, "Me" would, to the consternation of his pastors and masters and fellow pupils, begin to howl as though his heart would break. At the end of the term, Mr. Snelling, the schoolmaster, and Mrs. Snelling, his assistant, would chalk up on a blackboard a "letter to parents," to this effect: MY HONORED PARENTS: Mr. and Mrs. Snelling pre- sent their respectful compliments, and desire me to say that they are pleased with my progress during the past term. They beg to inform you that I stand second in my class (there were but two in the class), that I show an intelligent interest in my studies, and that the next term will begin on July I. I remain, my dear parents, your dutiful and affectionate son, "ME." This letter we copied with much care and much ink, and carried home with us. Enclosed was Mr. Snelling's official report, which, in "Me's" case, invariably read: "Health good; conduct good. Could wish he would be more interested in his studies." But I think even then "Me's" large head rebelled at the method of imparting information. His interest was not enchained, nor his curiosity sufficiently excited; his attention flagged and his mind wandered, and his thoughts 6 MY REMEMBRANCES would leave the dull schoolroom and travel down the road to his devastated home, his defunct parents, his interred nurse, his departed brother and sister and Melancholy claimed "Me" for her own. While "Me" was emerging from his shell on one side of the Atlantic, his fairy godmother was blossoming into girlhood on the other. "Me's" father was away a good deal from his own children. "The blesseds" he called them, and he took great interest in "the blesseds" of other people. Whenever he could give pleasure to a child he would go out of his way to do so. I remember on one occasion the small son of an old schoolfellow of his was to have a birthday. It occurred to "Me's" father the night before that it would surprise, and please, this little fellow if he ("Me's" father) should appear out of a clear sky in his bedroom early in the morning with a lot of birthday presents. He sent out at once and purchased presents of all kinds. He took a night train from London to Birmingham. He amazed that house- hold by appearing in their midst about seven o'clock in the morning. He crawled into the child's room on all fours, and went through strange and delightful antics before he suddenly disclosed himself; amid great glee and clapping of small hands and sparkling of eyes did he deliver his presents. Amid shouts and embraces did he depart and take a train back to London, four hours away. His "blesseds" were ever in his mind's eye. So when he discovered "Me's" fairy godmother, then a young girl, he at once won her heart by exhibiting that respect for youthful fancies that not all grown-up people evince. One must understand children. The fairy god- mother was a shy creature, as fairies are apt to be; yet EDWARD H. SOTHERN, AGED FIFTEEN YEARS THE FAIRY GODMOTHER 7 she experienced a keen pleasure when attending the theatre to watch "Me's" parent act. That audacious creature would stop in the midst of a speech, look directly at the fairy and say: "There's Miranda," which, of course, was not her name. It was her real name that he used, however. Down would go the fairy's head below the level of the box, conscious that the entire world had its eyes glued on her. How should she ever show her face again ? There was, however, a fearful joy in the moment. She could hear "Me's" father saying quite loud: "She has disappeared," and again, "Miranda!" At last she would emerge, slowly, very slowly. No one was looking at her; people had somehow thought the interpolated talk about her was part of the play. On subsequent visits she underwent similar experiences, and again she would suffer the exquisite danger in which childhood delights. Miranda grew to womanhood, endowed with all the graces which fairies bestow, and one day when "Me" appeared within the magic circle, she made it quite clear to him that here was his fairy godmother. "Me," who had had doubts about many things, began to see them fade away. He soon observed that Miranda's golden wings sheltered others than himself. She ap- peared to be smoothing out the lives of people all about her. Difficulties disappeared like magic when Miranda lent a hand. She possessed a heart as open as the day to kindly pity; a bounty all-embracing as the sun; she would wave her wand and this one, perverse and inca- pable, became tractable and industrious; again, and he who had no object in life found himself and proceeded apace; another who is certain she possesses no talent, receives a tap on the shoulder, and lo ! the garden gives 8 MY REMEMBRANCES forth golden fruit. Pumpkins become coaches-and- four, bumpkins become princes, while mice become prancing steeds. "Me" as he ambled along the road of life got to think, as the days passed, as he met each new adventure: "What would Miranda think of this?" "I wonder if Miranda would like that ?" so that Miranda's influence became an ever-present thing. Sometimes "Me" has been sorry for Miranda, sometimes he has felt that she would be pleased; but she has, so to speak, constantly slid down "Me's" chimney exclaiming: "Well, here I am!" So again from the remote corners of the earth came "Me" and Miranda, one to influence and one to be in- fluenced. Are we not as the seed blown by the wind until it meets its mate ? or taken on the wings of the bee to be wedded on some distant flower ? And what became of Miranda ? Just what should have become of her! As evening fell she approached a dark wood. "This," said Miranda, "is the abode of the fierce dragon," but she walked on undaunted. As she entered the wood, a thousand monsters rose up in her path and cried: "What brings you here ? Quick, the password!" "Love," said Miranda, and they all vanished. A prince appeared in shining armor, and he took Miranda by the hand, and he drew a sword which was called "Enlightenment," and after a terrific conflict he slew the dragon, and Miranda and the prince walked out of the wood, and there they mounted the prince's horse, and they rode away to his kingdom, which is as wide as the whole world, and Miranda became a Queen. She has not, however, abandoned the chimney habit by any means; one cannot throw off a habit like that so THE FAIRY GODMOTHER 9 easily, and I happen to know, though it is not suspected by the ordinary passer-by, that when the moon is dim and the fire burns low Miranda will say to the King: "I must slide down a chimney." "Whose chimney?" will say the King. "Whose chimney?" will say Miranda. "Really, how can it matter whose chimney it is ? All chimneys lead to people, all people need me, and I need all people. I say again, I must slide down a chimney this moment, and what is more to the point, you must slide with me." Of course, common, selfish people will turn up their common, selfish noses and consider it the height of ab- surdity that this royal couple should then and there arise and go out into the cold, and select a chimney, and climb up to it, and slide down it, and, having reached the floor, it will seem even more absurd that they should strike an attitude picturesque and quaint and say: "Here we are." And who will believe that, having given every- body three wishes, and having granted at least two, they will fly up the chimney and home again ? I say no one will believe this thing. Well, it is not necessary. The important thing is that things are; not that you or I or the cat believe them to be. I may here state that "Me" called himself "Me," because he couldn't, or wouldn't, say "I," and that "Me" is me. II THE JAM-FACED BOY A GREAT injury, an unworthy revenge; the dreadful humiliation of one's enemy, a noble self-abnegation and a reconciliation that partook of the apotheosis in a fairy- tale these incidents are seldom crowded into the short space of thirty minutes in the history of even a grown- up person. Indeed, seldom do they transpire in a life- time. Yet it was the fortune of "Me" to undergo the rage, the base triumph, the grief, and the joy in one-half hour which fate reserves usually for the turbulent cli- maxes of the careers of great men. One day "Me," as was his custom, toddled down a flight of stone steps into the kitchen of his father's house. There strange and wonderful things were constantly happening; blood-stained joints of beef or mutton were to be observed; a sausage machine might be turned, and the meat transformed into mince meat. The spice-box was at hand whence cinnamon, cloves, wintergreen, et cetera, could be purloined. One might be allowed to manipulate the rolling-pin on a pleasant mess of dough. The pantry was hard by and one's fingers could be stuck in jams and puddings. Fanny Marsh, the cook, was large and red and amiable. One could see knives being cleaned near at hand and boots polished. Life was full of interest and discovery. As "Me" entered the kitchen on this particular and historic occasion his eye fell on a small boy of the lower orders seated on a chair eating so THE JAM-FACED BOY 11 bread and jam, a dilapidated doll in his lap; his toes, in muddy and ancient boots, did not come within six inches of the floor. "Me," on the contrary, being just up and dressed, had on a black-velvet suit, red stockings, and a superior pair of shoes with shining buckles. "Me" en- tered the kitchen and stared at the new boy. That ill- mannered child climbed down from his chair, walked over to "Me," held up his ragged doll, kicked "Me" on the shin and then put out his tongue. Having thus expressed his feelings, whatever they were, he went back to his perch and placed some more jam on his face. "Me" had not encountered such treatment before. This was quite a new experience. The new boy proved to be the son and heir of a friend of the cook who was paying a morning call. His mother, a cheerful-looking woman, gave her son a smack on the head and some good advice, and returned to her gossip with the cook. "Me" stood deep in thought for a moment, then turned on his heel and climbed up three flights of stairs to his nursery. There were toys of all kinds a rocking- horse, many kinds of dolls of both sexes and both black and white, waxen and wooden; mechanical toys, lambs that said "Baa!" cows that said "Moo!" dogs that barked, and bears that, once wound up, would walk about; there were engines and railway-cars which would travel all over the room, and tops which behaved in wonderful and eccentric fashion. "Me" contemplated this wealth of possessions for a moment, then he selected a few choice specimens and carried them with some labor down to the kitchen. He reached the immediate pres- ence of the vulgar little boy; he allowed him to gaze on the wonderful toys, then he passed on and deposited them on the floor of the large scullery beyond the 12 MY REMEMBRANCES kitchen. The eyes of the jam-faced boy became large with wonder and envy. Again "Me" toiled up-stairs and again he came down laden with his treasures. Once more he paused in front of that ill-mannered urchin, and once more the scullery received the arms full of dolls, steam-engines, and what not. Four, five, six journeys did "Me" make; silently, slowly, cruelly, inevitably filling the heart of that wretched, ill-conditioned boy with envy, hatred, and malice, and all uncharitableness. At length down came "Me" with his mechanical toys. He wound them all up and set them going. The lambs said "Baa!" the cow said "Moo!" the dog said "Bow-wow!"; the train ran about, the bear walked around. The jam-faced child could stand no more. He opened wide his jam-filled mouth and wept as though his heart would break. The cook and his mother, who had gos- siped on in blissful ignorance of the tragedy enacted in their neighborhood, turned in amazement to the howling boy. "Me," whose dearest hopes of vengeance were now realized, began to experience the strangest feeling of dissatisfaction. His victory seemed unfruitful and even bitter. A great impulse to love this bedraggled boy choked up in his throat and took hold of his heart and filled up his eyes. He gathered up an armful of his toys and threw them on the lap of the yelling urchin, who placed his hands on them and yelled louder than before. "Me" procured a new supply from where he had deposited them in the scullery, and again covered the weeping youngster with dolls and other treasures. "What's the matter?" cried the weeping one's mother. "I hate my dolly," sobbed that jam-faced boy. THE JAM-FACED BOY 13 "He shall have mine," said "Me." "I give him mine." The jam-faced boy stopped suddenly, a strange light shone in his wet eyes. He crawled down off his chair and approached "Me." That fortunate creature stood there in his nice, clean, new velvet clothes and his red stockings and his tidy hair, an unfamiliar emotion of shame in his young heart. The jam-faced boy went to him and pressed his jam-covered lips against "Me's" red cheek and said: "I love you." With a sob "Me" threw his arms about him, and a great friendship was born. Several times after this the jam-faced boy came to play in "Me's" garden, and many times since has "Me" hesitated to judge harshly or to retaliate hastily, because he has not been able to forget the sweet taste of the jammy lips of the jam-faced child. The conversion of that imp from a foe to a friend contains the matter for a philosophical treatise, for had he been old enough or big enough to swear and oppose and fight, the outcome might have been far otherwise. The doctrine of non- resistance is here vindicated. People who cease to fight may love perforce. Who is he who declares that, if you keep silent and look long at your enemy, you must soon love him out of very pity pity that he is your enemy, pity that he is himself, pity that he is man ? Oh, "Me," think on this and be still. Ill "GOING NOWHERE" "MoRE haste, less speed," said Rebecca, "MeV nurse. Now as "Me's" small feet insisted on running whether he wished it or not, this comment, often re- peated, caused him much concern. It was Rebecca's custom to follow up this remark with a relation of the race between the hare and the tortoise. It always seemed to "Me" that he would much rather have been the hare, although that giddy animal had not won the race, for even thus early was he convinced that the joy was in the endeavor and not in the accomplishment. He pic- tured himself as the hare running round and round the tortoise until he was weary and then taking a nap; again catching up with the tortoise and dancing about that joyless traveller once more. Surely, the hare's journey was the more glad to leap forth with so much purpose and confidence and to run for the mere love of running. When the tortoise should have arrived, what then ? What next ? The fun surely was all over when the goal had been reached. Why, the hare was better off after all, for he had still to get there. Rebecca's philosophy was by no means convincing, and when her rather dull eye was not on him "Me" would run, and run, and run, with no object whatever in view, merely to be flying on tiptoe toward infinity. Pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat would go "Me's" toes with amazing rapidity to school or from school, to anywhere or from "GOING NOWHERE" 15 anywhere. Not only now but later, when he was quite a big fellow, like the rat-a-tat-tat of the policeman's club on the pavement, "Me's" mother would hear his quick step a long way off and would run down-stairs to let him in, for she well knew that nobody else sped along at such a pace. "Why do you always run?" would say "Me's" mother. "I don't know," he would reply. "I have to." "But you are not in a hurry?" "No, but I must get there, anywhere, wherever it is." "But you go like the wind," said "Me's" mother, which was quite true, and a fine way to go, too, whistling and kicking up one's heels generally. It was not at all necessary for there to be a prize in sight, nor any am- bition to gratify, nor any one to emulate, nor anything to attain; and when "Me" stopped, breathless and panting, he would shortly sing in an equally purposeless manner, again like the wind, not at all that he wished to excel as a singer, nor that he desired any praise for his singing, nor that, having sung, he had the slightest intention of trying to remember what song he had sung. "Where are you going?" said Uncle Hugh one day, when "Me," flying like the wind, collided with him around a corner of the garden. "Nowhere," said "Me." "Ah ! a very good place, too," said Uncle Hugh. Most people would have considered this reply foolish, not so "Me." He was well aware that, for all his bright smile, Uncle Hugh's remarks were wise and weighty. "Nowhere" was a very good place to be bound for. There were no responsibilities, no tiresome people, and 16 MY REMEMBRANCES then, best of all, one never arrived there, so that it was ever in prospect and never attained. When Rebecca, after evening prayers, would discuss the advisability of getting to heaven, "Me," very seriously, wanted to know what he should do when he got there. Rebecca was much perplexed. Her general idea seemed to be that the people of paradise passed the time in singing. "And after that?" said "Me." "Well," said Rebecca, "they say their prayers." "And what more?" persisted "Me." But Rebecca's sources of information were at an end, and "Me" was exhorted not to be stupid. "Me" gath- ered, however, from Rebecca's casual discourse that there would be much flying in the life to come, which meant going "nowhere" on wings, and at a much swifter pace than mere feet could carry one. But then one could not fly merely round and round in a circle, nor flit forever from cloud to cloud. What "Me" wanted to know was the purpose of the flying, and he concluded that the condition of the righteous was blessed only in so far that this inclination, this yearning, this hunger of the human soul to be proceeding, to be ever on the way, to be ever aspiring to something further, higher, swifter, was no doubt in itself the true joy; and that heaven consisted of no tangible thing at all, not of any- thing done, but of the process of doing and a vastly keener sight to perceive what to do. So far as "Me's" observation went, accomplishment meant being tired out and being put to bed, or, worse still, in the case of getting what one dearly desired to eat, it meant pain and regrets and a spoonful of treacherous jam. Really, it seemed that to look through the window of the sweet- "GOING NOWHERE'* 17 stuff shop, after all said and done, had produced more real happiness than the actual swallowing of the many- colored sugar-plums. Indeed, at a later day, it was made quite clear that this was true. To obtain is to be dissatisfied, and to be dissatisfied is to start on the quest anew and so on forever; so that no matter how glad one's labor might make others, the laborer who would be content must perpetually leave his work be- hind and speed to a fresh task which always shall look fairer than the one he has forsaken. "Me" did not know then but he discerned afterward that the eternal restlessness of his little feet would mount and mount to his heart and to his head, so that one should beat and beat and the other plan and plan, always hastening on and on and on to "nowhere." That Uncle Hugh had wanted to rescue "Chinese Gordon," that was the great thing; that he failed to do it mattered nothing at all. That Uncle Hugh had ever been ready to go "nowhere" at the queen's com- mand at an instant's warning, that preparation, that aspiration, which had seemed so childish, was one of the things that had made Uncle Hugh quite great, quite poor, and quite happy. That he did not get anywhere was nothing except as a matter of geography. "Me" and some other children realized that. It was not neces- sary to get anywhere; the great thing was to start with enthusiasm and to keep going with great intention on the tips of one's toes forever. Just about this time "Me's" schoolmaster, Mr. Snell- ing who kept what is called a "Dame's school" (Mrs. Snelling being the dame), announced that "The Snelling Academy for young ladies and gentlemen" would in- dulge in some athletic sports. The young ladies who i8 MY REMEMBRANCES thus proposed to anticipate the present robuster age, and the young gentlemen who were to be compelled to compete with them, were aged from about five to seven or eight. "Me" was actually one of the elder boys since he was weighed down by the burden of seven sum- mers. Much preparation for these events was indulged in in "Me's" garden. "Me's" own passion for run- ning was about to attain to the dignity of a profession. No longer was it to be a solitary pastime indulged in for the mere love of travelling on tiptoe with arms outstretched and winglike. "Me" looked around at his fellow pupils with a sportsman's eye, comparing his chubby legs to theirs, and by means of certain trial spurts establishing his confidence in their defeat. There was to be a prize consisting of a pewter mug which was exhibited in the schoolroom, and on the day of the sports, which took place in "Me's" garden, this mug and some other small matters excited the admiration of parents and guardians. There were flags and there was lemonade and things that might with safety be eaten. There was a tent. Indeed the occasion was distinguished. But all these things have faded in the memory. The fact that stands out in bold relief is that "Me" won the race in fine style and that his victory made him miser- able. When he had gained the pewter mug he didn't want it. For "Me's" own sister and a boy who was universally condemned because his father was a butcher (since then "Me" has learned that it is not being a butcher that excites contempt, the point being whether you are a small butcher or a big butcher, whether you slay one cow or one million) "Me's" own sister and the blood-stained butcher boy wept bitterly because they had lost the race. "Me" thought they wanted From a photograph by Sarony UNCLE HUGH AND HIS DOG "GOING NOWHERE" 19 the mug. First he went to his tear-drenched sister and embracing her said: "Here! take it. I give it to you." That athletic female thrust him away and cried: "I don't want the mug; I wanted to win the race." Abashed, "Me" approached the butcher boy. "I give you the mug," said "Me," handing his treasure to the steak-fed child. That worthy stopped crying, flung the mug away and yelled: "I don't want it. I wanted to win." "Me" let the mug stay where it fell. He did not want it either. What he had wanted he had achieved, and that he knew was victory; but victory that made other people wretched, which made him wretched, was no victory. That was strange, and then he knew that he, too, would have wept had he met defeat, and that without victory the mug was no mug. For some days "Me's" sister and the butcher boy would not be comforted; indeed their spirits were only revived when "Me" raced them once more and let them win. Rebecca was present on this occasion. Said she to "Me": "There 1 'Master Clever,' what did I tell you ? More haste, less speed." Then was "Me" entirely convinced that the hare had allowed the tortoise to pass him out of pure pity, and because he had discovered the entire futility of winning anything at any time or anywhere. The great satis- faction consisted not in winning but in being able to win, and sometimes even in seeing other people win. Then there were the losers, how about them ? The butcher boy, for instance ! "What are those people doing?" said "Me" to Uncle 20 MY REMEMBRANCES Hugh, who had taken him to an art gallery. The people in question were seated at easels copying pictures. Said Uncle Hugh: "They are studying art." A woman, who wore an apron which was covered with paint till it resembled Joseph's coat of many colors, here closed one eye while she held up a paint-brush, running her thumb up and down it as she thrust it be- tween her and a painting which hung on the wall. "What is she doing?" whispered "Me." "She's measuring something," said Uncle Hugh. "Why does she close one eye?" said "Me." "So that she can see better," replied Uncle Hugh. "Me" took a good look at the woman student. "But," said he, after a survey, "she has the other eye half closed too, why is that ?" "She is an artist," said Uncle Hugh, "and an artist must learn to see with half an eye." "Why?" said "Me." Replied Uncle Hugh: "So that with half an eye he can see more than you or I can see with both eyes wide open." "And when he sees, what does he do?" said "Me." "He runs," said Uncle Hugh. "Runs?" said "Me." "Runs where?" "Nowhere," answered Hugh. "As you do and as I do. To see as he learns to see is to want to do, and to want to do is to want to run, and to run when you want to is to be happy, and " But "Me" finished the sentence: "And to win the mug is to want to throw it away." "Yes," said Hugh. "To throw it away and to keep on running." "Does it matter which eye you shut?" said "Me," shutting each of his eyes alternately. 21 "Not as a rule," said Uncle Hugh, "but some people have only one good eye, and if they choose to shut that then they can't see at all." "What do they do then?" inquired "Me." "They approach the people who have learned to see with only half an eye, and tell them how to see." "But if they can't see themselves," said "Me," "they must be blind." "That's just where the fun comes in," said Uncle Hugh, "when the people, with only one eye half shut who can see more than the people with two eyes wide open, are told how to see by the people who have no eyes at all." And here Uncle Hugh indulged in one of those fits of laughter which convinced persons that he was deranged. "What's an artist?" said "Me" suddenly. Uncle Hugh stopped laughing. "An artist," said he, "is one of those fellows who can see with half an eye." "And what is art?" persisted the insatiable "Me." "Art," pondered the ever-patient Hugh, "is the work accomplished by the fellow who has become so inspired by the things he sees with half an eye that, in spite of everything he is told by the fellows who have no eyes, he excites the emotions of the people who can't see very much with two eyes, to such an extent that these fellows with two eyes see everything he has seen with his half eye. This is called interpretation. The thing seen and interpreted is nature and the interpretation is art, which, being so greatly a question of eyes, may be said to be 'all my eye." And here that ridiculous Uncle Hugh cackled again. "What is an 'interpreter'?" said "Me." 22 MY REMEMBRANCES "An interpreter is an untidy fellow with long hair who makes you understand a foreign language." "Oh, yes, a sort of waiter," said "Me," who had once lunched at Gatti's. "Quite so," said Hugh, "a waiter. That is, he waits. Frequently he waits a long while for people to under- stand him, and for his pay; usually he is not paid until he is dead. In fact, it may be said of interpreters gen- erally that they don't really live until they die." "That's strange," said "Me." "Yes," reflected Hugh. "Dead men tell more tales than they are credited with. In fact, you may say that we leave 'em alone till they've gone home and left their tales behind them." "Oh! that's Bo-Peep!" cried "Me." "Yes," said Hugh, "Bo-Peep, a great philosopher who believed as I do that all things are ordained; and per- ceived that her sheep were not lost but merely gone before with their tails still inevitably behind. No doubt she left them alone and kept on running. This matter of running," said Hugh, "is really at the bottom of everything. There is just one thing to remember, and that is that we mustn't run away, because to run away means that you are trying to get somewhere, to hide, to escape. Of course, that won't do at all. Once you did that you'd be out of the running, and even if you were allowed to run you wouldn't want to run any more, ever." "Yes," said "Me." "That would change everything, of course." Said Hugh: "People who are going 'nowhere* always sing and laugh. Look at all the people in the street, they are all going somewhere. You don't see one man "GOING NOWHERE" 23 in a thousand even smile. Now and then a boy will whistle, but not for long. He'll be going somewhere soon, and then he'll be sad and silent like the rest." "Hello! Stewart, what are you doing here?" said a man who now approached. "Cruising," said Uncle Hugh. "Becalmed?" said the man. "No, under full sail," said Hugh. "Where are you bound for?" said the man. "Nowhere," said Hugh. "Good," said the man. "May you reach the For- tunate Islands," and away he went. "Where are the Fortunate Islands?" inquired "Me." "They don't exist," said Uncle Hugh. "Then how can you reach them?" wondered "Me." "You can't reach them. That's just what I tell you," said Hugh. "They don't exist because they are for- tunate, and it is fortunate that they don't exist, other- wise we would reach them, and what would we do then?" "We would have nowhere to run to," said "Me." "Exactly," replied Hugh. "Besides," continued "Me," "if we ever reached them we might find they were not fortunate after all." "There you are again!" cried Hugh. "Then we should sit down and cry, I suppose," said "Me." "That would be a pretty kettle of fish," said Uncle Hugh. "So it's better to keep on under full sail, isn't it?" said "Me." "Yes!" cried Hugh with enthusiasm, "with the wind 24 MY REMEMBRANCES in your face and waves high, and the spray all about, and your weather-eye on the stars." "Which is your weather-eye?" said "Me." "It's the one you keep half open," whispered Uncle Hugh. "YOU'LL be sorry when I'm dead," said "Me" one day to his nurse, Rebecca. This remark had such an effect, by throwing Rebecca into hysterics, that the value of it as a weapon of defense became instantly ap- parent to "Me." He tried it by way of experiment on his mother. She did not make an outcry as Rebecca had done, but she ceased talking and paled visibly, and looked long and tenderly at "Me." "Me's" heart smote him, but the idea of self-destruction began to take root, and as "Me" played in the garden that day he would pause now and then as some fresh means of doing away with himself occurred to him. There was every reason why "Me" should consider suicide. He was adored by his parents; idolized by Rebecca; the gardener could not garden without him; there was no wish he could possibly formulate which would not instantly be granted. Consequently, life was a burden to "Me," and the realms beyond the grave properly became food for contemplation. Uncle Hugh was consulted at an early date, and told strange tales of how people had destroyed themselves. The phoenix was especially interesting making a con- flagration of himself and then, just when everybody was saying how sorry they were, and what a lovely bird he had been, springing up out of his own ashes and saying: "Here we are again !" The pelican, too, was an exciting fowl which allowed its children to eat it up and, so to as 26 MY REMEMBRANCES speak, lived again in its progeny. Then there was a certain Black Knight of King Arthur's court who used to permit people to cut his head off at one blow, only to pick it up with his own two hands and place it again on his shoulders. This seemed an admirable plan of self-immolation. Then there was a god who had de- parted this life by turning himself into a flower, and a goddess who, grown weary, had transformed herself into a tree. This again opened up pleasant possibilities and "Me" regarded the various green things in the garden with speculative eye as he debated which of them he would prefer to become. Several kittens had lately been drowned in the stable- yard. The coachman had condemned them to a watery grave. "Me" had witnessed their demise with solemn interest, and poked them with sticks after the spirit had fled. A funeral had taken place next door, and from the nursery window a fine view could be had of the proceedings. Besides friends and relatives, there were a dozen "mutes," or hired mourners, who, of course, had never met or known or heard of the deceased. Rebecca had declared that it was a fine funeral, and that one should always have at least twelve "mutes" to weep for one on one's final journey. "What do they weep for," asked "Me," "if they don't know the dead person ?" "They are paid to weep," said Rebecca. "How much are they paid?" asked "Me." "Oh, I don't know," said Rebecca. "Don't ask no questions, and you'll receive no answers." This was a self-evident proposition, but it did not silence "Me's" speculations as to the value of sorrow. He pursued his train of thought with Biggs, the butler, SORRY WHEN DEAD 27 who was of the opinion that a "mute" might be paid as much as five shillings to weep for a gentleman and two shillings and six pence for a poor man. "How much for a little boy?" said "Me." "Oh, I suppose for a little boy about a shilling," said Biggs. "And how much would he cry for a shilling?" per- sisted "Me." "Oh, a bit at the 'ouse, and a bit at the cemetery. 'Mutes' don't cry on the road, I fancy," said Biggs, " and they laugh on the way back." It seemed to "Me," on thinking it over, that tears at this rate would be about a farthing apiece for a little boy. That seemed a lot of money and an agreeable way to earn one's living, almost as good as being a her- mit, and "Me" seriously thought for some while that if he should decide to compromise the matter and hang on to life he might do worse than be a "mute." That one must sooner or later become an angel was a fact established. Rebecca had a lot of pictures of angels, male and female. There was, however, some confusion in "Me's" mind as to whether he would eventually be an angel or a sheep. Rebecca dictated prayers each night to "Me" and his small sister and minuter brother. In chorus they repeated: "The Lord's my Shepherd, I'll not want; He makes me down to lie, In pastures green He leadeth me, The quiet waters by. My soul He doth restore again, And me to walk doth make Forth in the paths of righteousness And for His own dear sake." 28 MY REMEMBRANCES The chief picture called up in "Me's" mind was the picture of himself and his sister and brother as sheep. For many moons "pastures green" was to "Me" "Par- ders Green," which seemed a locality such as Turnham Green or Shepherd's Bush. "He doth," owing to Re- becca's lack of h's, became "Edith," a female who ap- peared to have some influence, and "walk doth make" was translated by repetition into "wardothmake," a word of no significance whatever. After many days "Me" thought what it all meant, and questioned Re- becca as to "Parders Green," and "Edith," and "war- dothmake." After much discussion, "Me" was fain to confess that the entire prayer was a puzzle to him, and that he was especially confounded to decipher how he could be at one and the same time a sheep and an angel. Rebecca's resources were stretched to the utmost to satisfy "Me's" analytical mind, and she at length made confusion worse confounded by declaring that "Me" was a donkey, a statement which, though final, was no solution. Being yet unacquainted with the doctrine of transmigration of souls, "Me" contemplated this threefold personality with mixed satisfaction and dis- gust. Up to now, grief had to "Me" been associated with outcry and hullabaloo, and he was much astonished one day when told that the sad lady next door, who walked for hours and hours in her garden, as "Me" could see by climbing on to his own wall, was dying of grief. She made no noise, she shed no tears, she made no faces, the usual accompaniments of grief were absent all. Sweetly, kindly, gently, silently, she would greet "Me" on the wall. A little while and she was no more; she had died of longing for the man who was gone. This, SORRY WHEN DEAD 29 then, was grief, noiseless and low; no sounds, no fuss, no cry. That seemed very strange. After a while "Me" was taken to church and in- troduced to the mysteries of finding things in prayer- books, hymns, collects, lessons, psalms. It was ail very distracting and what with people saying, "How de do?" and finding money to put in the plate, and looking out at the corners of eyes at other people's bonnets, and prodding persons to keep them awake, "Me" found a great amount of entertainment, but wondered con- siderably how it all helped to get one into heaven, to become an angel or a sheep. Here "Me" became ac- quainted with the tragedy of Cain and Abel. An old gentleman in the pulpit told the story very graphically, and laid stress on the long and silent vigils of Cain. He traced Cain's growing anger against Abel, pictured the awful crime in a terrible manner, and drew such a ghastly image of Cain's punishment in after years that "Me" was awake all night, and swore under the clothes that he never would build altars or make burnt offerings as long as he lived. This, then, was hate, thought "Me." Here was a passion new and terrible; imagination shivered before such a picture as this. "Me" con- templated his own small brother and wondered if he could ever bring himself to slay him. The idea was so overwhelming that he burst into uproarious grief, and for quite a while could not be comforted. "Me's" mother used to read to him a good deal stories, fairy-tales, some poetry. "Me" was always very attentive and always asked a great many ques- tions. He was especially curious as to why gentlemen who loved ladies made such very long and tiresome speeches to impress this fact upon them; the talk seemed 30 MY REMEMBRANCES so excessively wearisome and unnecessary, and "Me" always begged to be spared this part of the romance, and to have it skipped so one could get on to the fight- ing or the escapes on horseback, or the adventures of the funny characters. One day, however, "MeV mother read the comedy of "Twelfth Night," and "Me's" attention, which had wandered a bit, became riveted when she came to the lines: "She never told her love But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud, Feed on her damask cheek; she pined in thought,- And with a green and yellow melancholy She sat like Patience on a monument Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed ?" How it was that the words remained in his memory he did not know, but they did, and the fact that love is silent, and still, and strong, and voiceless took hold of "Me's" imagination. He had in his mind three distinct pictures: The silent lady's grief, Cain's hate, and the voiceless love of the woman in the poem. This latter he inev- itably associated with the gentle, ever-watchful, ever- loving face that bent over him the last thing each night and greeted him the first thing each morning. The im- pression of this threefold image came and went again as the years flew by until "Me" grew to have a settled conviction that lines expressing this image and this idea existed, and that he knew them by heart and yet knew them not. He could almost see them and hear them. Many years afterward he came across a writing-cabinet such as people used in those days, a thing like a box with brass corners which opened in the middle and formed a sloping desk. Some old letters and papers MOTHER OF EDWARD H. SOTHERN SORRY WHEN DEAD 31 were inside, and in the handwriting of a hand long still, clear and firm as though written yesterday, were the lines always known and never beheld, penned in the day when his brain first received them, surely an echo from that other brain which had thought and planned and joyed and sorrowed for him long, long ago: "Deep grief is still. Deep grief is still and low, Silent its waters ebb and silent flow. Not hers the outcry and the labor'd breath; She is as quiet as her sister Death, And suffering all, feareth no further blow. "Deep hate is still. Deep hate is low and still. Hate slumbers not; but, hugging close its ill, With half-shut, glowing eyes doth watch and wait, Gnawing its heart, so feeding hate with hate, While its pale, horrid, speechless lips say 'Kill!' " Still is deep love. So still ! So still and deep, 'Twould seem love languished, lying there asleep; But that his smiling mouth forever says: 'Lo ! I am here ! Mine are thy nights and days !' In shine or shadow, do you laugh or weep." FINE FEATHERS WHEN the big policeman appeared on the scene and told the wicked boys to "move on out of that," one youngster, utterly unabashed by the majesty of the law, cried: "Oh, go on! It ain't you, it's your clothes." This statement reduced the criminal code, and the penitentiaries, and the wisdom of centuries, and the "bobby" evolved thereby as the symbol of order, to what that bluecoat actually is: a symbol. When he holds up his hand and the mighty traffic of London stops, ebbs, or flows at his beck, it is his clothes the outward and visible "bobby" who, finger on pulse, thus affects the circulation of London's great heart. Some yards of blue cloth and quite a number of buttons, enclosing one mere man, enable him to hold multitudes in subjection. The whole thing seemed to be a question of clothes. This is what happened: "Me" was out shopping with his mother. The carriage had stopped at the dress- maker's in New Bond Street; a very small and dirty boy was being sadly overcome and beaten by several larger and even dirtier boys. Without a moment's hesitation, "Me's" mother, quite regardless of her beautiful dress, and unmindful of a crowd of very supe- rior people clad in the height of fashion, had flown to the rescue of the small and dirty boy, had broken her lovely parasol over the heads of his tormentors; with 32 FINE FEATHERS 33 remarkable strategy, had swung the tiny victim behind her, and stood panting and victorious, holding the aston- ished foemen at bay. "Me's" mother possessed a very sweet touch of Irish brogue and she now, with flushed cheeks, offered some advice to the small boy's oppressors that had the effect which music is said to have upon the savage breasts. The crowd, held back by the policeman, behaved as crowds usually do. There was some sympathy, some laughter, some comment, and much wonder as the pretty lady lifted the ragged urchin into her carriage and told "Me" to keep him there until the wicked big boys had disappeared. "Me's" mother then went into the shop and spent some time in trying on new frocks. Pointer, the coachman, was extremely proud of his carriage, and his harness, and his nice white breeches, and his shiny top-boots, and his shinier silk hat, and when he sat on the box outside a shop it was really a great sight. He was very serious and not inclined to laugh at anything, although now and then he would condescend to look exceedingly knowing, as much as to say: "Of course you and I and Queen Victoria, we know better." "Me" had often thought how nobly stern and immovable Pointer was under the gibes of cab-drivers and omnibus-drivers and other people who appeared to have been born without any manners at all, and who, it seemed, felt called upon to shout comic and disturbing remarks at all dignified persons. Pointer apparently was always stone-deaf on these occasions, and as impervious as the iron statue of the Duke of Wellington at Hyde Park corner. When out driving with Pointer on the box, "Me" felt that London, as it were, revolved about that silent, confident figure. 34 MY REMEMBRANCES Buses and cabs and even streets seemed to do just as he wanted them to; pedestrians and peddlers and cross- ing-sweepers actually appeared to belong to him, and to be entirely subservient to his caprice. Pointer was a lordly personage and one not to be lightly questioned even by the police. "Me" thought that perhaps Mr. Gladstone alone would properly interrogate him when on the box. It may be imagined then that when the dirty boy was placed by "Me's" mother in the clean carriage, "Me's" first thought was: "What will Pointer think?" And sure enough there was Pointer, his head turned back- ward and his left eye strained through the carriage win- dow, and with a look which plainly said: "Here's a pretty go!" Rude fellows in the crowd, which had col- lected to observe the fray, made some remarks which were intended to agitate Pointer and calculated to dis- turb his dignity. For example, he was asked how he "liked driving a bathing-machine," and whether he in- tended "to provide the mud-stained little boy with a piece of soap." Pointer's interior was without a doubt seething like a very volcano, but his demeanor was as cold as a frosty morning, and his countenance as re- served as a bath bun. Having relieved its feeling and exhaused its wit on the unresponsive Pointer, and per- suaded by the paternal policeman, the crowd evaporated. "Me" was left alone face to face with the street arab. Surprise had silenced that adventurer. After a few sub- siding sniffles and two or three final sobs, he sat and glared at "Me" wordless, mud-stained, and pale. He had been badly beaten; one arm hung limp and gave him evident pain when he moved, he had a cut above his eye, some blood trickled over his nose. FINE FEATHERS 35 No doubt social intercourse is somewhat artificial. It has to be taught, from placing one's knife and fork tidily together on the plate, to opening a conversation cunningly, or entering upon a new acquaintance with tact and propriety. "Me" had pretty good manners, but his impulses were still controlled by certain pre- cepts, and he found himself distinctly considering how Rebecca would have advised him to proceed in this un- precedented emergency, and seriously concerned as to what Pointer was thinking. The new boy's nose solved the problem. "Me" took from his pocket a nice clean handkerchief and pressed it shyly into the paw of the visitor. "Please blow your nose," said "Me." The new boy winced as "Me" touched his right arm and said: "Ow! I can't lift it." "Me" placed the handkerchief in the left hand, and the child wiped the blood from his brow and polished his nose as if it were a door-knob. The ice thus broken, "Me" asked the small creature why the others had beaten him. "'Cos I'm a little *un," said the disabled boy. "You just wait till I'm a big 'un, I'll show you." From this point confidences were swift. The new- comer confided in "Me" that he was hungry and "Me" produced things to eat, purchased at Bonthron the baker's, where it was customary to stop for provender on shopping days. The new boy rapidly became sticky as well as dirty. Shortly "Me's" mother came out of the shop. She fluttered a moment over the street boy and, finding that his arm really was injured, concluded that he should be taken to a hospital. Pointer was given directions. 36 MY REMEMBRANCES He touched his shining hat with his whip, and away went the clean carriage and the dirty boy. At the hospital it was declared that the arm was broken not very serious, but it meant many days in bed. The child's mother was to be notified. "Me's" mother made many arrangements. She waited until the small stranger had been bathed and placed in a lovely white bed. When she and "Me" went to look at him, his face had been washed, his hair brushed, he had on a perfectly clean white nightgown. "Me's" mother said he was a pretty little fellow and bent down and kissed him. Said "Me" on the way down-stairs: "I thought he was a common little boy, but he looks quite nice." "That was his clothes," said "Me's" mother. "Be sure to remember that all little children are equal." "Are they all ladies and gentlemen, then ?" said "Me." "They are angels," said "Me's" mother. "Am I an angel?" said "Me." "Me's" mother did not reply to this, but she kissed "Me" and laughed. It was evident that soap had a good deal to do with making people angels. It had not been noticed that this boy was an angel until after he had been washed ! "How long are they angels?" asked "Me." "Oh, until they grow up," replied "Me's" mother, and she stopped her laughter and looked out at the car- riage window. "Aren't grown-up people angels?" persisted "Me." "Not often," said "Me's" mother. "Are they equal, too?" said "Me." "Well, no, I'm afraid they are not," and "Me's" mother was laughing again. FINE FEATHERS 37 "When do little children stop being equal?" "Me" inquired. "When they stop being children," said "Me's" mother. "Oh, yes," said "Me," as a light broke in on him, "when some grow up to be bigger than others. Of course, they are not equal then." Said "Me's" mother: "That is their outside. That they are equal is not a question of outsides." "Oh, it's their insides, then!" cried "Me." "Me's" mother was very patient, but here was a sorry problem: how to satisfy "Me's" curiosity on a rather abstruse question. "My darling," said she, "it is not what people look like that makes them your equals or your inferiors; it is what they really are. I want you to remember that. This little boy is now a child, so he is good. He may grow up to be bad. It is not at all whether he will be tall or short, but whether he will be a good man or a bad man." "Me" pondered over the rude boy's remark to the policeman: "It ain't you, it's your clothes." The new boy had looked just like a little gentleman when he was washed and in a nice clean bed. It was his clothes, then, that made all the difference. The fact really appeared to be that only little children without any clothes were equal. "Me" had observed that at the seaside, when bathing, you really could not tell gentlemen from com- mon people when they were in the sea, clad merely in bathing-suits. He particularly remembered that once a waiter from the hotel had been mistaken by bathers for a French count, who was expected with much curios- ity, and how the waiter had had to explain to an old 38 MY REMEMBRANCES lady who entered into a conversation with him, while they were in the water, that he was only a waiter, and how the old lady had declared that "really such people should not be allowed to bathe. The sea," asserted the old lady, "was only intended for ladies and gentlemen." Uncle Hugh was approached on the matter. "Me" desired to know when people began to be unequal. Said Hugh: "You will hear some day that 'the tailor makes the man'; but don't believe it. The tailor only dis- guises the man. If the tailor made the man, all the wax- works at Madame Tussaud's would be alive and kick- ing; but they are not, in spite of all their fine clothes they are only waxworks." Said "Me": "If all common people were washed, would that make them ladies and gentlemen?" "Well, no, not quite," said Hugh. "Gentility is more than skin-deep. You see, it's what they say gen- erally." "But if they are deaf and dumb?" suggested "Me." "Then it would be what they think," answered Hugh. "But you couldn't tell what deaf-and-dumb people think," said "Me." "Then it's what they do," ventured Hugh. "Common people do common things and gentle people do gentle things, and if you put fine clothes on common people they are still common people; and if you put common clothes on gentle people they are still gentle people. The boy who stood on the burning deck was dressed as a common boy, but he did gentle things, so he was a gentleman." Said "Me": "Mamma says that angels are all equal. If common people can be angels, then angels are all common people." FINE FEATHERS 39 Hugh considered sagely and then said: "It takes an uncommon common person to make an angel, and if you go through Clapham Common to the House of Com- mons, you will find that all the commoners are uncom- monly common. Besides you will notice that fine feathers make turkey-cocks," and Uncle Hugh giggled as though he had said something funny. Rebecca, informed by Pointer, strongly disapproved of the dirty boy being placed in the carriage. Common people had no right to take such liberties with gentle- folk. This puzzled "Me" greatly. Here was Rebecca, a common person herself, quite opposed to common people. "Are you a common person?" asked "Me." Rebecca was startled but admitted that she was. "Don't you like other common people?" said "Me." Rebecca was nonplussed. Doubtfully she replied: "Yes." "Then why are you angry with the little common boy?" "I'm not angry," said Rebecca, "but he ought to know his place." "What is his place?" said "Me." "In the street," said Rebecca. "Are all children angels?" asked "Me." "Why, of course they are," said Rebecca. "Then if the dirty boy was an angel they would have him in heaven, wouldn't they?" said "Me." "What are you up to?" said Rebecca suspiciously, feeling she was being driven into a corner. "And if they would have him in heaven, why shouldn't mamma have him in the carriage?" "You are too clever by half," said Rebecca, finding 40 MY REMEMBRANCES herself bereft of reasons. "Besides it's time you went to bed." "Is Pointer a common man ?" queried "Me." "Well, yes, I suppose he is," admitted Rebecca. "He was angry because the little boy was put in the carriage," said "Me." "I should think so, indeed," protested Rebecca, hurrying the bedtime disrobing in the hope of divert- ing "Me's" attention. What kind of clothes do angels wear?" asked "Me." Said the distracted Rebecca: "They don't wear clothes at all, they wear robes." "Where do they get them from ?" said "Me." "How do I know?" cried Rebecca, quite beside her- self and pressing "Me's" tooth-brush on him in the vain hope of stopping his busy mouth. "Is everybody equal in heaven?" insisted "Me." "I suppose so," sighed Rebecca. "Then you won't be common any more there, will you?" "I haven't thought about it," said Rebecca, "and what's more, don't you ask any more questions," and for a moment "Me's" head was hidden in his night- gown. "What makes the little street boy common?" said "Me," emerging. "I suppose he was born common," said Rebecca. "Do all common people come from God ?" "Everybody comes from God." "Was he common before he came from God ?" "How could he be?" "Are people common after they are dead ?" FINE FEATHERS 41 "Hush 1" said Rebecca. "If they are good, of course, they are not common, or anything else." "Then all buried people are good ?" "Yes." "Why are they good when they are dead?" "Because we are sorry for them." "Why aren't we sorry for them when they are alive?" "Oh, I don't know!" cried Rebecca, distracted. "I suppose," reflected "Me," "common people be- come ladies and gentlemen when they are buried." It seemed quite evident that behavior came to an end in the churchyard. There, manners, good or bad, mattered not at all. "Are they buried in their clothes?" resumed "Me." "No, of course not," said Rebecca. "You get into bed at once, I've had enough of you." "Oh, that's it, then!" cried "Me." "When they leave off their clothes that makes the difference. When do people begin to be common if they are not common before they are born, and if they are angels when they are children, and if they stop being common when they are dead ?" "Oh, I don't know," said Rebecca. "Of course, babies are not common; but boys and girls are, and men and women are. But when people are dead you don't think about them being common they are just dead and of course, people in heaven all become dif- ferent." "Oh, yes, I see," said "Me." "They all dress alike, don't they?" "Oh, good night!" said Rebecca. "Is a carpenter a gentleman?" said "Me." 42 MY REMEMBRANCES "Of course not," said Rebecca. "Jesus was a carpenter,'* said "Me." By this time "Me" was safely in bed and tucked up tight. "You're a wicked boy," said Rebecca in an awed voice, "and you had better ask to be forgiven," and she turned down the gas. "You could only tell that little boy was common by his clothes," said "Me." "Go to sleep at once," said Rebecca crossly. "He looked like a gentleman in his white night- gown," said "Me." "You couldn't tell the difference when mamma kissed him." Here "Me's" brother, Sam, aged two, woke up, and began to mutter in his own private language, at the same time scowling at "Me" for disturbing his slum- bers. "Me" felt sure he was saying something un- gentlemanly. "Don't be common!" said "Me," and floated away to the land of dreams. VI "TA" SARAH TAME was my brother's nurse. My early re- membrance of her was that of a tall, rather solemn and majestic woman. I had as it were to throw my head back to see her face when I spoke to her. That was forty-five years ago. I saw her in London a while since, and find that she is a very small person, some distance beneath me. I can distinctly look down on her. There was but one child in the world for Sarah Tame, and Sarah Tame was his prophet. She used to call my brother The Prince. The other children were just children. My brother's name being George, my father naturally called him Sam, and with equal reason Sam addressed himself as "Ta." He would never say as ordinary folk do: "I want this or that." He would say, "'Ta' wants 'TaV brexas," meaning breakfast. Sarah, to Sam, was "Kluk- lums." There are, I believe, some three hundred languages besides Volapiik, but none of these would serve Sam's purposes. Those of us who had his interest at heart would try now and again to dissuade him from persist- ing in this new and strange speech. Sam would never argue about it; being smaller than his advisers, he had to listen; but when all was said and done he would make some remark in his unknown tongue, at which one could not take offense, not knowing what it signified, and move off about some important business. Never was there a child who had so much important business as "Ta." He 43 44 MY REMEMBRANCES was much given to soliloquy. It was rather uncanny to hear him talk in this mysterious lingo to himself. Sarah was the only one who understood him. It was as if these two had lived in some previous existence and, meeting on this planet, communicated in a tongue which was theirs eons ago, on Mars perhaps. Sarah herself was no ordinary woman; she walked in an atmosphere of impending fate. If one should ask her to get a pocket- handkerchief, she would reply: "I'll get it if I die on the road." This was her customary phrase when per- forming any mission. I remember feeling somewhat awed at this way of treating a simple request, as though her blood would be on my head should death overtake her on the way. "Ta" and "Kluklums" persisted in this language of theirs until "Ta" was about eight years of age. Then their vocabulary was quite a formidable one and covered all the usual occasions and requirements of exist- ence. My father was equal to the emergency, however, and when he returned to England one day after a couple of seasons in America he quickly perceived the pro- fundity of "TaV mind, and met the situation by invent- ing a rival language on the spot. He adopted some of "Ta's" words but broke forth in a multitude of new ones. A torrent of unfamiliar talk flowed from him in his conver- sations with "Ta" and "Kluklums" which overpowered them, and for two or three days they were observed in consultations apart, in remote corners of the nursery, the garden, or the stable-yard. "Ta" seemed frowning and distraught and "Kluklums" over and over again was over- heard to mutter, "if I die on the road." From that time "Ta" kept his secret language to himself. He and " Kluk- lums" conversed mostly by signs. Their affection and their understanding remained as deep as ever, but no "TA" 45 utterance of any sort was permitted to attract the vulgar gaze. When they met after a separation of a quarter of a century quite recently, "The Prince!" said Sarah. "Kluklums!"said"Ta." For my own part, now in my mature years, I believe that "Ta" came to us with a message which he was not permitted to deliver. Who shall say that he was not a medium, and that had he persisted in giving out those strange sentences which welled up from within him, we should not now be in possession of secrets which are lost to us forever ? Be that as it may, "Ta" always was possessed of a wisdom not very evidently of this world. He seemed always to have sat in the councils of the great. Even in boyhood graybeards listened to him with rever- ence and ancient men deferred to his opinions. When "Ta" was first expected on this planet, I, who was then seven years old, was informed that he would one morning be found in a rhubarb-bed at the bottom of the garden of our house, "The Cedars" in Kensington, London. Consequently, it was my custom to observe this rhubarb-bed closely for any signs of this new baby. My reflections were not at all amiable toward "Ta," as I stood day after day and contemplated the large rhubarb- leaves. I did not think I quite wanted a new baby. I couldn't exactly define my ideas on the subject, but I was distinctly uneasy. At last one fine day, while I was staring at the rhubarb, I was told that "Ta" had arrived, and I was invited to go and see him. I was so angry at the deception practised upon me, for "Ta" had been born behind my back as it were, that I struggled violently with those who would have conducted me to the house. I escaped them and by devious ways retired to a secret retreat of mine in the tool-shed to brood over my wrongs. 46 MY REMEMBRANCES After a while I crept up to the house and, by the back stairs, approached the room wherein lay the uncon- scious "Ta." I heard sounds of wailing from within and certain tender consolations were being offered which had hitherto been my sole perquisite. An overwhelming sense of injury seized me, and the undefined animosity I had felt while watching the rhubarb-bed found vent in howls of anguish and hangings against the door of the room wherein my rival lay. Anxious people came out and took hold of me. When I saw "Ta" my outcry increased, nothing would induce me to go near him. It was a long time before my mother, by tender endear- ments, persuaded me to first endure, then pity, then embrace the intruder, and at last to sob myself asleep with my arms about her. For days I regarded "Ta" with suspicion. He, on the other hand, observed me, as soon as he could observe anything, with stern and frowning toleration. By and by he began to speak in this new language I have mentioned. My name of Eddie he re- duced to D, and in other ways he seemed to belittle me. He seldom smiled and never cried, was quite unsociable and, as I have said, talked a great deal to himself. An uncomfortable sense of "Ta's" superiority troubled me. I was beginning actually to hate him, when an event oc- curred which overcame me with that admiration and respect that I have felt for him ever since. My father had given my mother a hundred and fifty pounds in Bank of England notes. These notes she had placed in a drawer in her desk. Shortly afterward my elder brother, Lytton, entered the room with the son of a neighbor who was his particular and constant play- mate. These two were unusual-looking boys; both very handsome, just the same age, about seventeen. "TA" 47 They were constantly together. When my mother re- turned to the room, my brother Lytton and his friend, whose name was Peters, departed. My mother opened the drawer to get money for her household bills, and found to her dismay that more than half of the bank- notes had gone. My father was called. I remember quite well the excitement that followed. My father went off in his dog-cart to Scotland Yard, and returned with one Detective Micklejohn, a celebrated sleuth of the time. Everybody in the house was examined; the servants, male and female, the latter weeping copiously because they were suspected. Of course, no individual was suspected. The whole household, however, was searched. "Ta" and myself alone were exempt. "Kluk- lums" was examined with the rest, at which outrage "Ta" made some occult remarks to which "Kluklums" replied in the sign language. Well, Detective Micklejohn was quite baffled. He could find no clew whatever. He had dismissed the servants as having nothing to do with the theft, and had for the moment concentrated his attention on my brother Lytton. It appeared that Lytton had gone to the drawer, and had taken out the bank-notes and looked at so much wealth with some awe, and then re- placed the money. This he readily told the detective. My mother was in tears at the mere idea of Lytton being questioned. My father stood by, puzzled but stern. The men and women servants were gathered in a nervous crowd in the passage below. "Ta" and I watched, huddled together with "Kluklums." "Thanks," said Micklejohn, "that's all!" He was closeted for some time with my father and then departed. We heard that he suspected no one in 48 MY REMEMBRANCES the house. But he did; he suspected my brother, Lytton, who had said nothing about Peters being in the room when he looked at the notes. Peters had taken the money, and he went about spending it recklessly. He looked so like my brother Lytton that Micklejohn got on the wrong track and was quite convinced that Lytton was the spendthrift. He came to tell my father and mother his opinion. My mother told "Kluklums." "Kluklums" must have communicated by wireless (which was not yet invented) to "Ta," for that remarkable child came down the stairs from his nursery chanting a favorite chant of his to this effect: "Dordy mady iddy far Iffoo pindat madat dar Dordy isso tindadood Gidy iddy far effood." Translated, this poem reads: "God He made the little fly; If you pinch it, it will die. God He is so kind and good, He gives the little fly his food." He came down the stairs slowly and seemingly un- moved. He approached Detective Micklejohn, who was coming out of the room, followed by my weeping mother and my frowning father. He doubled up his two tiny fists and he struck that large policeman several rapid blows, at the same time pronouncing these cryptic words: "Dood itto dad peepor." Detective Mickle- john laughed. He had not yet solved a criminal mys- tery out of the mouths of babes. LYTTON SOTHERN, AGED NINETEEN "TA" 49 "What does he say?" said Micklejohn. "Dood itto dad peepor," reiterated *'Ta." To the amazement of the assembly, "Kluklums" cried out: "I knew it!" "Knew what?" said my father. "Oh, Sarah!" wept my mother. "Ta," having delivered his ultimatum, was now try- ing to catch a fly on the window-pane and chanting: "Dordy mady iddy far " "I see the child speaks French," said Micklejohn. "Iffoo pindat madat dar." "I knew it!" cried Sarah. "Speak, woman!" said my father. "Dood titto dad peepor," said Sarah. "She also speaks French," said the astute Micklejohn. "Nonsense!" cried my father impatiently. "This is the child's babble that no one but Sarah can under- stand. The woman is a second Rosetta Stone." In his excitement, my father shook Sarah, who, weep- ing, murmured: "Dood titto dad peepor. Oh, master, 'Ta!' I knew it!" "Sarah," said my father, "if you don't tell me at once what you mean I will bite your left ear." This startling threat sobered Sarah instantly. "What do those words mean?" cried my father. "They mean," said Sarah, "good Lytton, bad Peters/ that's what it means, if I die on the road." "Who's Peters?" said Micklejohn. "My son's friend who is always with him," said my mother. "Iffoo pindat madat da," sang "Ta" at the window. So MY REMEMBRANCES "Does he look like your son ?" said the sleuth, hot on the trail. "Yes, they are both very handsome," said my mother. "Dordy isso tindadood," crooned "Ta," killing a fly on the pane. "Call me a cab," hissed the detective. "That child's intelligence is unnatural," said my mother. "He takes after me," said my father. "Gidy iddy fa ifood," muttered "Ta," cornering an- other fly. That night as Peters was treating a crowd of foolish people at a bar, Micklejohn hit him a heavy smack on the shoulder and said quickly: "Give me that money you took from Mrs. Sothern's desk." The wretched boy fell to the ground in a faint, and was brought to our house in handcuffs. He confessed everything. My mother wept over him; my father grew hysterical as he embraced his own boy, Lytton. No one but our own household ever knew of the theft or of the redemption of the foolish purloiner. His own people never knew. In my mother's arms, he under- went a change of heart which I know lasted for his life. But "Ta" would never make friends with him never ! He invariably called him "Dad peepor," until the lan- guage of "Ta" and "Kluklums" was numbered among those tongues that are dead. How "Ta" reached his conclusions concerning the real culprit has never been known. "Ta" himself, now that he has emerged far beyond the shadowland of childhood, can recall nothing of his mental processes at that time. In fact, he remembers nothing about it, save what I tell him. 'THE CEDARS, LONDON "TA" 51 With "Kluklums" it is different. To her "Ta" was and is a being of a different clay from that from which ordinary Londoners are made. In some other world than this, perhaps about the time of the Pharaohs I myself be- lieve that "Ta" was a prince. To "Kluklums" "Ta" is a prince here and now. VII PRIVATE AND UNEXPECTED IT was "Ta's" birthday and arrangements had been made whereby he was to send out his own invitations, to select his own guests, to create the menu himself. Fanny Marsh was consulted in secret. Much whisper- ing occurred between "Kluklums" and the "Prince." Certain epistles were penned and posted; replies re- ceived and conned apart. Garments were considered, hair was curled, and at length the day arrived on which the favored guests should assemble. It had been ex- pected by "Ta's" parents that children contiguous and adjacent would be invited, but such was not the case at all. "Ta" had arranged that the banquet should be served for two persons only, and had not divulged who the solitary guest would be. The preparations were quite extraordinary, and the resources of "Ta's" parents' establishment were taxed to their extreme limit. For example, the carriage could not be used that day, be- cause Pointer had been persuaded to wait on the table. Pointer had protested that he was unskilled in waiting. At this "Ta" had wept copiously, and had declared that skill mattered not at all. The thing was for Pointer to be present and since he could not bring his horse and carriage into the dining-room he must assist without such impedimenta. The gardener, also, dressed in becoming Sunday gear, 52 PRIVATE AND UNEXPECTED 53 was on hand, miserable and conscious of his hands and feet. He also was to wait at table. "Kluklums" was to be throned in a corner of the room and to look on. "Ta" had wanted her to sit at the table but a sombre prediction of her death on the road had at length rec- onciled him to " Kluklums V suggestion that she should be seated in a remote nook. The hour arrived three o'clock on an April day. The expected guest was late and "Ta's" spirit chafed, finding vent in sundry incomprehensible utterances. The favored child, whoever he or she might be, no doubt had to come from a distance; the carriage had shed a wheel, or had encountered an omnibus, or there was a mistake in the day, or perhaps in the hour, or the little friend was taken ill. The grown-up people in the house waited with more or less patience, mildly wondering what particular play- fellow "Ta" had so signally honored as to select him or her alone as his birthday company. "Ta" sat at his table in solitary state. Linen and flowers and plate and birthday presents made a pleasing and exciting scene. Pointer, horseless, bandy-legged and redolent of stables, shifted from one foot to the other with foolish unrest. The gardener made some ex- tremely rural attempts at conversation such as, "Them geraniums is pretty backward, ain't they?" or "It's time to burn that tobacco in the green 'ouse," or "This 'ere rain's a fine thing for them there tulips." Not a soul responded to these efforts and the gardener was reduced to looking at his hands with a kind of won- der as if he had never seen them before, and was now speculating as to what could possibly be their use, where they had come from, and how he should get rid of them. 54 MY REMEMBRANCES Suddenly the door-bell rang. The gardener clapped his hands; Pointer said: "Now we're off!" "Kluklums" muttered "I knew it." "Ta" stood upon his chair. "Ta's" mother and father and sister and brother, hearing the guest had come, went into the hall to greet him or her, curiosity as to whose little child it might be having reached quite a climax. The front door opened and to everybody's amazement there stood no child at all, but a very beautiful and dis- tinguished actress on whom "Ta," all unsuspected, had bestowed his affections, who had received the only in- vitation to the party and who now, radiant and glorious, was poised, angel-like, upon the door-step. With much laughter, and much swishing of silks, and much brushing of wisps of golden hair away from shin- ing eyes, the lovely lady floated into the dining-room. It had been distinctly understood that not one of the family should attend this party. Save for the presence of enthroned "Kluklums," it was to be a party of two. When the suggestion had been made that "Ta" should have the sole say as to his birthday feast, naturally a notable gathering of little ones was expected; but when he had insisted upon this strange arrangement that there should be only one invitation issued, it had been ac- cepted with proper seriousness. Especially had "Ta" declared that he and his favorite should dine alone. Therefore, all hands now withdrew while "Ta" greeted his guest. The door was closed save for the entry of viands, and for an hour or more "Ta" made no sign. No word came to the outside world as to how things progressed within the banquet hall. Pointer and the gardener flitted between the kitchen and the table in From a photograph taken at " The Cedars " EDWARD A. SOTHERN IN 1863 PRIVATE AND UNEXPECTED 55 melancholy state, looking foolishly unused to indoor ceremonies and offering no word of comment on the proceedings. At length the meal was ended. Pointer and the gar- dener withdrew, and for a space silence reigned. Then a howl of agony came from the recesses of the dining- room. Shriek after shriek of wailing and of weeping. "Ta's" relations rushed to the scene to find the beau- tiful actress with her arms about him, trying to soothe him, to comfort him, to glean from him what grief over- whelmed him. For five minutes at least no syllable could be gathered from inconsolable "Ta." "What is the matter?" cried "Ta's" mother. "Booh-hoo-hoo!" howled "Ta," his knuckles goug- ing out his eyes. "What is it?" said "Ta's" father to the beautiful actress. "I can't imagine," said the glorious creature. She then related that "Ta" had maintained an impenetrable silence during the entire entertainment, that he had eaten no food although pressed thereto by Pointer and the gardener, that he had persisted in sucking his thumb and scowling in a most uninviting and inhospitable manner, that she had used all her arts and fascination to try and break down "Ta's" most churlish humor, and that at last he had all of a sudden let out that yell which had alarmed the house and had plunged himself into that inexplicable grief which they were now con- templating. "Stop it! "cried "Ta's" father. "What is the matter, darling?" cried "Ta's" mother. "Perhaps you can explain it, Sarah," and the anxious crowd turned to "Kluklums" in her corner. 56 MY REMEMBRANCES "Not if I die on the road," said that inconsequent woman. "Do you hear me?" cried "Ta's" father, shaking him with impatience, "What's the matter? Is it a pain of some sort toothache, stomachache, earache ? Tell us what's the matter?" "I wanted a party," wept "Ta." "Well, you have one, haven't you?" said "Ta's" mother. "Yes," wept "Ta," "but then boo-hoo ! " "Well, but what?" "Why, I thought things would happen and they didn't." "What things?" said the lovely actress. "What things?" said "Ta's" mother. "Yes, what things?" cried "Ta's" father. "Something private and unexpected," wept "Ta." "Private and unexpected?" echoed the others. "What do you mean ?" "Ta" did not know what he meant, but the fact was that this long anticipated meeting had by no means ful- filled expectations. There had been no games, no romp- ing about, no story-telling; the beautiful lady had talked platitudes and, with very evident effort, had tried to make conversation. "Ta" could not take any interest in what she had said nor find a responsive chord which he could strike. He had ventured one or two remarks but soon was dismayed to find his sources of small talk frozen. The pretty lady babbled away, quite believing that she was delightful and amusing, but her prattle was so much Greek to "Ta." Minute by minute the feast sped by, and one sweet illusion after another van- ished into air. Here was no playfellow, no comrade, PRIVATE AND UNEXPECTED 57 only a grown-up person who laboriously talked non- sense. What was there to do but weep, to lift up one's voice in protest and despair? "Boo-hoo-hoo!" This most playful and fascinating Rosalind, this romping and most understanding tomboy of the last pantomime, was nothing but a grown-up female in- capable of games and who criticised one's cold in the head, advised concerning one's finger-nails, inquired after one's progress at school, and seemed to have no conception whatever of Indians, cowboys, and pirates. This was the public and expected behavior of all grown- up people. The private and the unexpected so fondly anticipated, yet so undefined and impalpable, a very cobweb of the fancy, something woven from limelight and forest glades, and music and dancing feet and laughter and sweet nothings, of strings of sausages filched by the mischievous clown, of battered police- men, of Pantaloon finding a red-hot poker in his pocket, of Columbine and Harlequin, all all had vanished in this commonplace talk. What should one do but weep ? "Boo-hoo!" The pretty lady was, however, equal to the occasion. "Private and unexpected?" cried she. "Then here we go!" and catching up her frock she began to dance a hornpipe that very hornpipe which the tomboy in the pantomime had danced when informed that his wicked uncle had been eaten by a dragon, and that in- stead of being a poor newsboy he was the long-lost child of the Emperor. That disclosure had gone at once to his ten toes, and he had danced like mad for as many minutes. And like mad did he now dance in a truly private and unexpected manner, and "Ta" stopped crying and began to laugh and to jump up and down 5 8 MY REMEMBRANCES and when, for a climax, the lovely lady actually turned a handspring and sat on the floor, breathless but bubbling with laughter, life began to seem reasonable once more. "Ta" has passed a number of birthdays since that fifth birthday, but never has anything happened quite so entirely private and unexpected as this. That tom- boy is a very old lady now, and no doubt her dancing days are over. Maybe, however, she will read these lines and remember. VIII "RASHER" THE friendship of "Me" and the jam-faced boy might have pursued its calm and Arcadian course until cemented by the experiences and trials of manhood had it not been that Fate the fiddler had injected, for some purpose of its own, a volcanic element in the person of a new and unexpected cousin of "Me," the child of "Me's" mother's sister. "Me" had recently made the acquaintance of those seven devils which were turned into the herd of swine, and caused them to run down a steep place into the sea. A short experience of this new cousin convinced "Me" that these same seven evil spirits had entered into the frame of this entirely superfluous red-headed Irish infant who now came, or rather erupted, on the scene. The parents of this terrible creature, being extremely poor, were on their way to Australia where the father, an Irish physician, hoped to find fortune more kind. The father, mother, and eight children arrived at "Me's" house one afternoon to partake of tea and discuss the prospects of their emigration with "Me's" mother. The devil-possessed boy with red hair was the only male child. Seven very beautiful and ever-smiling sisters did not suffice to keep the evil one from perpetual up- roar, or from a silence ominous and portentous of ill. Tea time and the family from Ireland arrived. The table groaned with specially prepared cakes and dainties, and "Me's" mother hovered angel-like over the cere- 59 60 MY REMEMBRANCES mony. When the elders had been served: "What will you have?" said "Me's" mother to the one of seven devils. "Rasher!" cried the possessed. "Rasher?" said "Me's" mother. "What does the child mean ?" "No, no!" said his own mother. "Cake, beautiful cake; you must have cake." "Rasher!" again cried the red-headed infant. Said his father: "He means bacon. He wants bacon." Then to the child sternly: "There is no bacon on the table, you must eat cake." "Rasher!" howled the son of Satan, "Rasher!" and began to weep tears of rage, and screw two stained fists into his eyes, and to squirm in a fearful manner on his chair. "He can have 'rasher' if he wants it," said "Me's" mother. "No," said the father of the imp, "he shall not have 'rasher/ He shall eat cake or eat nothing!" and he placed a large piece of cake on "Rasher's" plate for "Rasher" he was called by us from this moment. "Rasher's" father was a man of small ceremony, and he gave "Rasher" a clout on the head at the same mo- ment that he helped him to cake, thus illustrating the fact that good fortune is closely attended by ill. "Rasher" refused to eat the cake. His seven lovely sisters smiled upon him; "Me's" mother said he was a darling; his own mother begged him to be good. "Me" and his small sister and brother gazed in open-eyed won- der and some fear at the fiery-haired newcomer. Sullen, silent, lowering, "Rasher" seemed to use up the cake. "Me," who was quite fascinated by him, observed that "RASHER" 61 not a single crumb passed "Rasher's" lips. The other children eagerly stuffed themselves with the feast. Their elders forgot "Rasher" in serious contemplation of the future and of the expedition to the antipodes. "Me's" mother told him after a while to ring the bell, which caused "Me" to pass near "Rasher's" chair. Amid the uproar of the general talk, he heard "Rasher" say in a low, horrid tone: "I'm rubbin' it into the floor, I am ! I'm rubbin' it into the floor," and sure enough he had dropped the sticky plum cake, morsel by morsel, onto the carpet, and with one small leg stretched out, was crushing the mess into the rug. "Me" told his mother, and a general examination brought down on "Rasher" such a chorus of denuncia- tion as would have caused any honest boy to blink. Not so "Rasher." He was a hardened criminal. He stood stolid and determined on other evil courses. "Go in the corner!" cried his father. "Stand in the corner and don't dare to move until I forgive you," and he lifted the horrible urchin bodily into the shameful niche. Shortly the tea-party broke up, and all hands ad- journed to the drawing-room. "Me" lingered behind, fascinated by "Rasher's" daring and lawbreaking spirit. He approached fearfully to where the wicked boy stood in durance. To his horror he heard "Rasher" muttering under his breath, constantly, unceasingly, venomously, rapidly, these awful words: "Damn devil! Damn devil! Damn devil!" over and over again, his face close to the corner of the wall. Such abandonment to sin had never entered into "Me's" domain before. He crept abashed from the room. Evil-doers surely find great gratification in the breaking of commandments 62 MY REMEMBRANCES and the rebellious "Rasher" glutted his anger and fed his sullen soul by muttering "Damn devil!" for a full half-hour. When his father suddenly concluded it was time to forgive him, "Me" was deputed to convey the glad tidings to "Rasher." With some trepidation he ap- proached the culprit who still stood obstinately in the corner. As "Me" drew near he observed that "Rasher" was engaged in stamping more cake into the carpet, and varied the ejaculations of "Damn devil!" with the baleful assertion, "I'm rubbin' it into the floor, I am!" "You are forgiven," said "Me." "Come up-stairs." "Hell!" said "Rasher," and, pronouncing this terrible word, he marched to the drawing-room. The seven sisters endeavored to shower him with en- dearments, but he squirmed and resisted and kept to himself. By and by "Me" learned that the jam-faced boy was below, and asked to be allowed to go and play with him. "Yes," said "Me's" mother, "and you shall take dear 'Rasher* to play with you." "Me" took "Rasher's" unwilling hand and con- ducted him to the nursery. Shortly the jam-faced lad appeared. "Me" received him with affection but was distracted to observe that a fierce enmity immediately flamed up between "Rasher" and his lowly friend. Several games were begun and abandoned; "Rasher" would take no part, until "Me" suggested "Indians." Here "Rasher" pricked up his ears. Much tracking of foes by their footmarks and scalping of slain redskins followed, when "Rasher" suggested burning captives at the stake. The idea was greeted with acclamation and "RASHER" 63 shortly, after a great conflict, "Me" and his jam-faced friend were bound securely to the rocking-horse. Now "Rasher" exhibited a very terrible and ferocious glee. He piled newspapers and picture-books about the feet of his victims, who, meanwhile, depicted proper and historical stoicism. What was their terror, however, when "Rasher" lighted a match and set fire to the news- papers; then, screaming with hideous laughter, ran from the room and slammed and locked the door ! "Me" and the jam-faced one yelled and cried for help, while "Rasher" laughed and laughed outside the door. The two bound to the rocking-horse struggled as might Mazeppa have done to free themselves, and managed to drag the wooden steed to the other side of the room. The paper blazed furiously and inevitably would have set fire to the house had not "Rasher's" unholy re- joicing been heard below and the whole household been brought hotfoot to the scene. A vast confusion followed. The flames were ex- tinguished with rugs, and "Rasher" was then and there beaten by his father until he howled with pain. "Me" and his friend were pale with dread and trembled with excitement. This was playing "Indians" with a ven- geance. "Me's" mother begged that "Rasher" should be taken away at once to Australia, which continent "Me" was relieved to remember was on the extreme other side of the world. His father took charge of him. His whole family, weeping and protesting and berating, went their way, never to be seen by "Me" again. "Rasher" became a mounted policeman in Aus- tralia. No doubt it takes a "Rasher" to catch a "Rasher." 64 MY REMEMBRANCES The budding friendship between the jam-faced boy and "Me" was alas! uprooted, for never was that hum- ble child allowed to play more in such alarming com- pany. Thus the evil that "Rasher" did lived after him. Certainly no good will be interred with his bones. IX "THE MUSIC OF THE SPHERES " UNCLE HUGH sat in the sunlight smoking a large cigar. His eyes were closed, but it was very evident that he was awake, for smoke came from him in great blue clouds as though he were a man-of-war. "Me" approached with much joyful noise but was surprised when Uncle Hugh raised his arm in admonition and said: "Hush! Listen!" There was no sound. The day was calm, the garden was silent. "What is it?" whispered "Me," prepared for the attack of savages from any quarter. "Hush!" repeated Uncle Hugh, his eyes still closed. "I am singing." "Singing!" murmured "Me," much mystified. "Sit on the grass," said Uncle Hugh, "close your eyes tight. Keep quite still and listen to the music of the Spheres." "Me" did as he was told, but heard no sound. "Who are the Spheres ?" he queried after a while, with a vague notion that they were of the "Christy Minstrel" family, "and what do they sing?" "The most wonderful music in the world," said Uncle Hugh. "I can hear nothing," said "Me." "No, that's just it," said Uncle Hugh, "you can't hear it, you only feel it. Hush ! Let us sit still without wink- ing, while we count a thousand and nineteen and a half. 6s 66 MY REMEMBRANCES "Now," said Uncle Hugh, when the mystic number was completed, "now, we are all right again. When- ever you are worried and can't see your way out, close your eyes and listen, listen to the music of the Spheres." "Did you ever hear it ?" said "Me." Uncle Hugh did not reply for quite a while, then he said: "Yes, once or twice at sea, at night." "What was it like?" said "Me," a general idea of hand-organs and penny whistles and anthems in his cranium. Said Uncle Hugh, after another pause: "I don't quite know. I think it feels like pity and love and yes, it feels like hunger, too." This was very strange talk, and for a long time "Me" did not understand. "The difficulty is this," continued Uncle Hugh, "we all talk too much. Two people cannot meet without talking talking continually at all costs they must keep it up. If they stop for a moment they are wretched and dis- concerted. We talk so constantly that we can't think. You will notice that the animals don't talk, yet they communicate. They rejoice, they sorrow. I tell you we stunt our intelligence by so much talking. Sit still now and then and listen, and you will learn strange things." Left to himself, "Me" considered deeply. Frequently thereafter would he sit by the fountain in the garden and, sure enough, in due time the world opened its lips and sang, and "Me" lifted up his voice in the silence and sang, and the rhubarb-bed, and the huge black cedar-tree, and the splashing water, and the green grass, they all sang. And the "Sphere family" would come floating across the lawns singing the most wonderful songs in words quite different from any words yet in- "THE MUSIC OF THE SPHERES" 67 troduced into "Me's" vocabulary either by Mr. and Mrs. Snelling or any one else; but all the same quite easily understood and telling of things never heard of before and yet entirely familiar. And the curious thing was that you did not want to tell these experiences to anybody, because it was as clear as day that if you ut- tered them in words they would cease to be. Then, too, there was another thing about it. You were quite sure that these songs were sung to you in confidence, not to be repeated to anybody ever. That was why the language was no language, and why you felt rather shy and almost guilty when somebody would say: "A penny for your thoughts." A penny, indeed! Why, you wouldn't sell them for a thousand pennies, for you had a curious certainty that as they passed your lips they would turn into ashes. They would die, fade as the leaves of the flowers when summer has spoken. All this was a little puzzling and rather like living two distinct lives and having two sets of acquaintances who were not on each other's visiting lists. Thus, wordless thoughts and silent songs found sanctuary in the mind of "Me." Thither would they come speeding in the most unexpected manner, bursting open the doors and rushing in as though they were escaping from the noise and turmoil of the world; snuggling up in this quiet corner to rest in the shade and saying to "Me" in the language which was no language: Listen! Listen! while we sing, or while we deliver you our message. We are worn out seeking shelter, for the earth is so full of noise. "Why do those two men shout so at each other?" inquired "Me" of Uncle Hugh one day, concerning two 68 MY REMEMBRANCES men in the street who were not more than six inches apart but who were yelling as though they were, each of them, on a separate and distant mountain. "They are shouting," replied Uncle Hugh, "so as to conceal from each other what they are thinking about." "But if they don't want to tell what they think, why do they talk at all?" asked "Me." "If they don't talk," said Uncle Hugh, "each is afraid the other will consider him unintelligent or, perhaps, unkind, and they believe that the louder they talk the more they disguise the fact that they really have not anything to say; so they shout the thing they don't mean and don't want to say in order that each one shall be persuaded that the other does mean and does want to say it." "And are they persuaded?" asked "Me." "Not at all!" said Uncle Hugh. "Wait here and listen to what they say when they part. You stand there, I'll stand here. "Well?" said Uncle Hugh, when he and "Me" joined forces again, "what did your man say after he left the other shouting: 'Happy days' ? " Said "Me": "He muttered, 'Fool!' " "Ha!" said Uncle Hugh, "he was saying what he thought. My man, who left calling out, ' Be good,' said between his teeth: 'Liar!' ' "How awful!" said "Me." "I told you," commented Uncle Hugh, "everybody talks too much. It was not necessary for those two men to talk, and, having talked, they are worse off than they would be had they been silent. Mum's the word!" Winter came shortly, and many poor people were out of employment. Frequently some of these would pa- "THE MUSIC OF THE SPHERES" 69 rade the streets; generally a band of ten or twelve men, poorly clad and shivering, would walk slowly through the fog chanting in unison: "We have no work to do! We have no work to do ! We're all frozen out, and have no work to do!" Pennies would be flung to these from house windows, and the unhappy waifs would melt into the mist, their pitiful chorus growing faint and fainter as they passed along. Then, sometimes, would come a man and a woman holding hands, and hanging on to them eight or more children, usually arranged ac- cording to their height, growing small by degrees and miserably less as they decreased in size from the mother down to the littlest babe. These, too, would chant: "We have no work to do! We have no work to do! We all are wet and hungry, and have no work to do!" Peering from his bright nursery into the dim street, "Me" obtained his first glimpse of such a group. First came their woful song upon the yellow fog; then their gray forms, like ghosts, floated into view. "Come to tea!" said Rebecca. "Hush!" replied "Me," "I am listening." "Listening? To what?" "The music of the Spheres!" whispered "Me," for surely this was the "Sphere family." "Here they come !" What was it that clutched at "Me's" heart and brought tears into his eyes if these were not they ? " It sounds like pity and like love and yes, it sounds like hunger, too." "Me" wrapped a penny in a piece of newspaper and flung it from the window. There was much scrambling in the mud to recover it, and much touching of caps in acknowledgment. 70 MY REMEMBRANCES "Why do they touch their caps?" inquired "Me" of Rebecca. "Because you are a young gentleman," said she. "Oh, yes, I see!" said "Me." Then to the astonished Rebecca: "Why am I a young gentleman?" Rebecca's reason seemed to give way under the strain of this query. She stood still and open-mouthed for a space, then she said in a hushed tone, "Well I never!" and went away. "Me" listened to the song of the "Sphere family" until it sank into the silence of the bleak afternoon. He stood at the window for a long while. At length came the time for prayers, and three small figures knelt at three small beds and raised three small voices in supplication. But the proceedings were suddenly interrupted, for "Me" arose and said to Rebecca: "Do they pray?" "Who?" said that much-troubled female. "Why, the 'Spheres'!" "Who?" "The 'Spheres,' the people I threw the penny to." "Of course they do. All people pray." "Do they say: 'Give us this day our daily bread' ? " "Why do you want to know?" said Rebecca, past experience making her suspicious. "Because if they pray, 'Give us this day our daily bread,' why are they hungry?" "Perhaps they are wicked people!" said Rebecca. "Are all hungry people wicked?" asked "Me." Again Rebecca's reason forsook her, and again she sought safety in flight. "I suppose," considered "Me," "that food makes people good." This seemed fairly evident, for was there not much "THE MUSIC OF THE SPHERES" 71 talk in church about feasts the feast of this and the feast of that ? No doubt all the wicked people were gathered together, and fed into a state of repentance and righteousness. Why, of course it was so. "Feed the hungry !" Only last Sunday the old white-haired clergyman had re- peated it at least twenty times during his sermon. In- deed "Me" had become rather nervous and embarrassed, for the clergyman had distinctly pointed his finger di- rectly at him when he had exclaimed: "Feed the hun- gry" the fifteenth time, and the injunction had quite taken "Me's" mind off his dinner that afternoon. By the railings of Kensington Gardens sat a blind man who had neither legs nor arms. A very old dog sat by his side with a tin mug in his mouth. On the blind man's breast was a placard on which was printed in shaky letters: "Pity the blind." Rain or shine they sat there, silent, still, forever listening. If you dropped a coin in the tin mug the dog would lean his head toward the blind man and push him. The blind man's face would flush as he heard the sound of the coin, then his lips would move but one never heard him speak. One day "Me" contemplated the silent pair for some time, and then whispered to the blind man: "Can you hear it?" "You mean the music ?" said the blind man. "Yes," said "Me," hushed and expectant. "What does it sound like?" "Oh, all sorts of things," said the blind man. "Some- times it sounds like the sea, sometimes like Southampton, where I was born, sometimes like the Crimea, where I lost my legs and arms. Just now it sounds like beef- steak and onions." 72 MY REMEMBRANCES "That," said Uncle Hugh later, "is his particular idea of heaven, and as a matter of fact it is on the whole sane and modest enough. You or I might find it difficult to express beefsteak and onions in strains of music, but each of us has his peculiar ecstasy. The blind man will perceive heaven in extracting from you and me beef- steak and onions, while we, who are blessed with sight, will reach the heavenly sphere through feeding beef- steak and onions to the blind. No doubt there is music either way if one could only hear it. There is a difference between closing your eyes and losing them altogether. People who have lost their eyes are great listeners." "I suppose so," said "Me." "Oh!" he continued, "I saw them yesterday." "Who?" said Uncle Hugh. "The 'Sphere family/" said "Me." "I saw them and I heard them sing." "Yes?" said Uncle Hugh, not in the least surprised. "What song did they sing?" "They came along the street in the mist holding each other's hands, and they sang: 'We have no work to do ! We have no work to do ! We all are wet and hungry, we have no work to do/ ' "Oh, yes, I see," said Uncle Hugh. "Yes," said "Me," "I remembered that the music of the 'Spheres' sounded like 'Pity and love and hunger/ so I knew them at once." "And what did you do?" said Uncle Hugh. "I think I cried," said "Me," unashamed. "Good!" said Uncle Hugh. "Then you felt pity." "Oh, yes!" whispered "Me," "and love and hunger, too." "What else?" said Uncle Hugh. "THE MUSIC OF THE SPHERES" 73 "I threw them a penny," said "Me." "It was all I had." Uncle Hugh lighted a cigar. "When you grow up," said he, "you will learn to smoke, and as you smoke you will indulge in contempla- tion, and as you contemplate you will admit that if you have only a penny a penny is a great deal, and you will wonder why it is that you, who once were so filled with love and pity that you gave all, now pass the hungry by and see them not, and then you will remember that it is because you no longer pause to listen, to listen " "To the 'Sphere family' ?" said "Me." "Yes," assented Uncle Hugh, "to the 'Sphere family/" "I think I shall always hear them," said "Me." "We will see," sighed Uncle Hugh. "What music wakens the drowsy noon ? It swells and sighs in the swaying trees. The whispering grasses bear the tune To the far-off bell and the droning bees From honied lands over bitter seas; 'Neath the golden sun; or the silver moon; On the morning's breath; on the evening breeze; We shall gather its burthen late or soon. "From the darkling brow of the pine-clad hill, A note of the northwind sweet and clear Makes the pulses leap, and the herd stand still 'Tis the Goat-god's reed ! from the haunted mere Comes the lilt of laughter now far now near Where Dryads dance to the Piper's thrill: As he lolls on the lap of Night to hear The plaint of Echo, from rock and rill. "Yet hark ! 'Tis no strain of earthly things It floats from the realms where the planets, hung 74 MY REMEMBRANCES In highest Heaven, may brush the wings Of choristers ever and ever young The song of songs we have never sung Sings not of the sorry world it sings Of dreamful valleys the gods among And the Harper harps on a thousand strings. " Singer of songs, whoe'er you be, Lord of the Heaven or Piper Pan; To your touch, in an awful ecstasy, Tremble the chords in the heart of man. The love of our long-lost lay began When the world was young and the soul was free. Twould break its bondage, the stars to scan For the source of its ancient melody." X AMONG THE GODS "WHEN I was a god," said Uncle Hugh ("Me" did not know it at the moment but Hugh alluded to his divinity among the Haidar savages) "When I was a god, I found that the scantier my raiment the more ample was my authority. Cupid in knickerbockers is no longer an archer; one would scoff at a Venus en- veloped in furbelows; Adonis in a frock coat barters his godhead for shadows sartorial; Mercury, his pinions pump-prisoned, becomes a pedestrian; top-hats will not adjust themselves to aureoles, while that goddess renounces heaven who dons a petticoat." These reflections were projected by "Me's" inquiry as to why Cupid, as portrayed on the valentines in the shop-windows, was innocent of garments. Cupid's con- dition at Christmas time was even more pitiful than at the feast of Saint Valentine. To have to handle one's bow and arrows in the snow would be trying to toes and fingers, to say nothing of noses. "It's quite cold in February," remarked "Me." Hugh admitted that it was. "But about the I4th of February," said he, "the birds begin to seek their mates. It is Nature's pairing time, and, long before Saint Valen- tine appeared on the scene, boys and girls observed the sap rising in the trees and the birds awing, and you would be astonished to know how lonely a fellow can be about the middle of February." 75 76 MY REMEMBRANCES "Don't gods feel the cold?" inquired "Me." "Rather," said Uncle Hugh. "That's why they keep out of the way. You see it's terribly tiresome having to go about so thinly clad and that, too, entirely for the good of other people. Cupid, I'm sure, must have a hard time to continue mischievous when he has to dance to keep his feet warm and blow on his fingers before he can draw his bow." "How does it feel when he hits you?" asked "Me." "Couldn't say," responded Uncle Hugh, "because he never did hit me. I am told, however, that one feels ex- cellently foolish, and from observing the wounded and assisting the maimed, I should judge that the arrows are dipped in some kind of drug which dulls the under- standing." "Oh, then you have seen people who were hit?" said "Me." "Yes," answered Uncle Hugh. "I knew one man who used to be hit regularly once a week." "Did he bleed?" said "Me." "Well, he was bled," replied Uncle Hugh. "His 'sil- ver skin laced with his golden blood,' so to speak." "Why doesn't Cupid ever grow up ?" wondered "Me." "I've often thought of that myself," said Uncle Hugh. "I suppose it's because if he were grown up he would not be capable of the senseless, irresponsible, reprehensible, reckless, purposeless, and generally idiotic conduct which now distinguishes him. The only consideration which makes his behavior pardonable is that he doesn't know any better. He's childish, you see, so he is forgiven. Then, too, the complaint for which he is held responsible is of so ridiculous and tragic a nature that there must be a scapegoat of some sort whom we can blame for the AMONG THE GODS 77 folly and the wretchedness in which we become in- volved." "Does it hurt much then?" said "Me." "Like the very devil, I'm told," said Uncle Hugh. "What is a scapegoat?" asked "Me." "A scapegoat was a goat on whose head the ancient Jews symbolically placed the sins of the people; after which he was suffered to escape into the wilderness, and there, because you and I and Rebecca have misbehaved ourselves, the goat dies of thirst and hunger, and then you and I and Rebecca are as good as new. In the same manner, if I murder my wife for love of her, I blame Cupid and escape the gallows." "I think Rebecca's in love!" declared "Me." "Yes?" said Uncle Hugh. "What makes you think so?" "I saw her kiss Biggs," said "Me." "Let us not be hasty," commented Uncle Hugh. "It may have been merely a collision, an accident, a losing of the balance, as it were. She may have regained the perpendicular. Then, too, at this time of year seasonable infirmities are diagnosed as love. Hay-fever for example; an inflamed head is often mistaken for a combustible heart, and people rush at conclusions only to abandon them. Thus Rebecca and Biggs, who one moment are assured that they two should be one, the next moment are convinced that two into one won't go." Uncle Hugh's philosophy was somewhat involved and confusing this morning, and "Me" was left to marvel that so common a thing as a kiss could possibly be the cause of so much reasoning. Love seemed a very simple matter: merely to want and to be comforted; to be tired and have arms about one; to long for, and to be satis- 7 8 MY REMEMBRANCES fied; to fall asleep confident, secure and happy in the knowledge that some other understands everything, forgives everything, bears everything. Why, then, so many words and such mysterious suggestions of dis- aster and sorrow and danger ? If Cupid was a little child, love must be innocent enough. Uncle Hugh's talk left a sense of doubt and shadow and unrest. There was a darker side to this kissing. It was not always a happy and laughable matter. "What is love ?" demanded "Me" of Rebecca. "Good gracious!'* said that startled woman, "what a question! Why," continued she, having thought a moment and smiling to herself, "love is getting married, and having children of one's own, and keeping a green- grocer's shop just off Baker Street." This was certainly a most particular definition, and yet it seemed that something must have been left out; for the chief impression made by it was one of vegetables, chiefly cauliflower. "What is love?" inquired "Me" of Fanny Marsh, the cook. Fanny Marsh was engaged in basting a joint which was revolving on a spit before the fire. She turned toward "Me" with a very red face, and with a large ladle of gravy in her right hand. "Love," said she, after a pause, "is being beaten every Saturday night." Then she poured the gravy over the joint and wiped her eyes with her other hand. "Me's" heart smote him, for he recalled that Rebecca had once whispered that Fanny Marsh had not been happy in her marriage; therefore, he rushed at Fanny Marsh, and threw his arms about her ample person and declared that he did not mean it, although what he did not mean was by no means apparent. AMONG THE GODS 79 "What is love?" inquired "Me" from Johnson, the coachman. Johnson was standing in the stable-yard chewing a straw and watching the grooming of some horses with critical eye. "Love ?" said he. "Why, you see that 'orse bite that mare on the neck; that's love! You see them pigeons cooin' and rubbin' their bills together ? That's love ! You see that cock acrying * cock-a-doodle-doo '? That's love. Love's what keeps everything and everybody on the move; it's love that makes the world go round, and makes us all want to go round the world." This was a long speech for Johnson, who was one of the great silent men of history, and whose conversation mostly consisted of "Gee-up," or "Come over," or "Whoa, mare!" consequently "Me" was deeply im- pressed by this oration. Up to now inquiry had resulted in three distinct and unrelated impressions: cauliflower, being beaten, and perpetual motion. None of these nor all of them to- gether appeared to fill the mental void created by the word "love." In the neighborhood of "Me's" house was a straggling thoroughfare called "Lovers' Lane." Once it had been in the country, but London had surrounded it. Hedges still struggled to exist on either side of the narrow way. But it was rather a birdless and bedraggled paradise. Gloomy and distracted young men and voluble young women strolled here at dusk; waists were encircled and hands were held, but the general influence of the locality seemed to be dismal and joyless. "Like the very devil," Uncle Hugh had replied when asked if Cupid's arrows hurt much. These, then, were the wounded and the maimed. 8o MY REMEMBRANCES "Hello! Here's a wedding!" said Uncle Hugh as he and "Me" approached an excited crowd on the pave- ment. A number of gayly dressed people came out of the church; then, walking on a red carpet and weeping copiously, came the bride, and the groom pretending he didn't see anybody. Some of the people wept, also, and some looked very solemn or angry. There was much commiseration from the crowd. Some rice was thrown by a forlorn, thin woman; a slipper launched by a sad man. The carriage door slammed, and the unhappy couple drove away. "Was that love? "said "Me." "No," said Uncle Hugh, "that was marriage." "But marriage is love, isn't it?" said "Me." "Occasionally," said Uncle Hugh. "Why did they throw things at the bride and bride- groom?" inquired "Me." "Well," answered Uncle Hugh, laughing, "it's well to begin as one may have to continue, and it is the part of wisdom to acquire powers of resistance early in the game. First rice, then slippers, then saucepans; one must proceed gradually; besides saucepans are not thrown in public, it's bad form. "What's the matter now?" remarked Uncle Hugh, as they arrived at Westminster Bridge and encountered another gathering through which policemen made way bearing something on a stretcher which was placed in an ambulance and driven away. "What is it?" asked Uncle Hugh of a man in the crowd. "Love!" said the man. "Drowned herself." "Me" clung in fear to Uncle Hugh. "This was terrible. Was love so cruel as all this ?" HOWARD H. SOTHERN, AGED NINE YEARS AMONG THE GODS 81 On the way home a street preacher was holding forth to a number of persons who regarded him with open mouths and wondering eyes; apparently hearing without listening. He, too, seemed to talk without much con- viction, and as if he had learned by heart what he was saying. "Love one another!" cried the preacher. "Love one another!" he commanded again, and yet again. "Me" quite expected the listeners to embrace each other on the spot or to otherwise respond to the man's invitation, but nobody moved. "Love one another!" he cried again. "Will they do it?" whispered "Me." "I think it most unlikely," answered Uncle Hugh. "You see it isn't customary. We all expect to be loved, but to love in return puts one to considerable incon- venience." "We will now take up a collection for the heathen," said the preacher, at which the crowd melted rapidly away. "Why does he want money for the heathen?" asked "Me." "Well, you see the heathen are more or less con- tented," replied Hugh. "Love, in the strictest sense, doesn't trouble them greatly; so we feel called upon to go among them and tell them all about love as we under- stand it. We persuade them to love instead of eat one another; but they reply that they eat one another be- cause of their love a rather unanswerable argument; for, as a matter of fact, if you eat your friend, or even your enemy, you and he become as one." Said "Me": "Uncle Hugh, when you were a god did you forgive people their sins?" 82 MY REMEMBRANCES "Well, I never admitted that they had any sins," pondered Hugh, "any more than a ship has when it is under the weather; it's at the mercy of the waves, isn't it?" "But then it has a rudder," said "Me." "That's true," replied Hugh, "and a man at the wheel who does the best that he knows. He would not wreck the vessel if he could help it, for the vessel's life is his life." "Yes," said "Me," "and then he has to think of the lives of all the other people on board. I suppose he'd stick to the wheel until he died ?" "Of course he would !" said Hugh. "Why would he do that?" said "Me." "Courage!" said Hugh. "Oh!" said "Me," "I thought it might be love!" Hugh regarded "Me" in silence for a moment, then he said, looking at the sky: "You're right, that's what it would be love." "The gods of yesteryear are fled ! Dan Cupid solitary stays; And only shows his puzzled head At Christmas time and wedding-days. "In drafty, dim museum hall, A Parian Psyche, all forlorn, Upon her dreary pedestal, For Zephyr waits from night to morn. "There Aphrodite stands aloof Twixt Hercules and Dian's dogs, The Fateful Sisters weave their woof In lexicons and catalogues. AMONG THE GODS 83 'Silenus gone from bad to worst, Grown marble-hearted in despair, Through arid centuries of thirst, Now greets us with a stony stare. ' Fled are the gods of yesteryear ! No nymph, in times so commonplace, May flout Olympian Jupiter, Nor meet Adonis face to face. 'Nor hope to see the love-sick moon Stoop down to kiss a sleeping lad; Nor fly the wind-swept rushes' tune Lest sight of Pan should make her mad. 'Fain would we suffer goodman Puck ! Fain bear the pranks of graceless Mab; To oust the gods not mends our luck; And spriteless worlds are dreary drab. 'The gods of yesteryear, alack ! Have gone for ay beyond our gates; Nor prayers nor threats will bring us back Their human loves and human hates. 'Ne'er shall we stray with Proserpine Upon her hero-dappled mead, To see that twilight region shine With forms of the heroic dead. 'Could tongue-tied Echo break her spell, Her fond loquacity renew, What stories she would have to tell Of Zeus and his unbridled crew. 'How gods as cuckoos, streams, and snakes, Disguised themselves to conquer ladies; How plucking a narcissus makes You whisked away by hateful Hades. 84 MY REMEMBRANCES "How Venus turned a shepherd's head, In sandal shoon and rustic bodice; And how he bounded out of bed, To find his shepherdess a goddess. "Our times afford no such disguise, Silk hats, French fashions, and umbrellas Won't do: while kidnapped Deities May phone * Hello* from Hell to Hellas. "Garbed in the gauze of ancient Greece Immortals were for mortals taken, Here what with weather and police No wonder we are God-forsaken. "The gods are fled ! Their day is done, We treat them now with scorn; but oddly The wise declare, since they are gone, A godless world at last is godly. "Fallen their fanes, their altars cold; Yet, from the mist of tor and glen, Their watch and ward, as kept of old, Still lingers in the steps of men. "Yea ! If the gods their faces hide From this ingrate, prosaic time, Though lost to sight, they yet abide, By reason slain, they live in rhyme. "But yesteryear they kept their state With Faun and Dryad, sprite and fay, And wistfully we whisper Fate, Would yesteryear were yesterday." XI "THE BLESSEDS" IT is on the very first page of my remembrance that I see myself held up in my nurse's arms to look into a pair of gray eyes which twinkle like the sun. There is a blaze of light and a great many people about. Some are in beautiful clothes, and some are rough people in shirt sleeves. I am on the stage of the Haymarket Theatre in London in 1863. The eyes that twinkle are those of my father. He is made-up for his part of "Lord Dundreary," and is there before the beginning of the play to take a final look at the scene, and my brother and sister and I have been brought behind the foot- lights that he may say good night to "The Blesseds." It was as a child of three years or so that I began first to be aware of my father. My mother used to drive him frequently to the theatre from our house in Kensington. Sometimes my brother Lytton and I would be taken with her. I recall well the refreshment bar in front of the house, with sponge-cake under glass cases and all sorts of exciting things tied up in paper and gay ribbons. Held in my nurse's arms, I would help myself to these delicacies aided and abetted by the beautiful barmaid; later we would proceed through mysterious passages to greet "Lord Dundreary." I remember perfectly my curiosity at the long, black whiskers. Indeed my recollection of my father begins with his countenance thus disguised. (It is at a much 85 86 MY REMEMBRANCES later date that he dawns upon me in his proper person) whiskers, eye-glass, black hair parted in the middle, and with one eyebrow curiously higher than the other. When we were old enough to witness the play, it was his great delight to introduce remarks during the per- formance which alluded to us but which the audience would think part of the comedy. Especially would he mention our names, as "I wonder what Eddy would say to that?" This invariably sent me down to the floor, to hide in trepidation and strange glee, and up again, half an inch at a time, to see if any one were look- ing at me. All my father's acting at this time was not confined to the stage. Our garden at "The Cedars" was a very land of romance, and here, in nooks and corners and rockeries and on the lawns, "The Blesseds" enacted many a fairy-tale from "Jack and the Beanstalk" to "King Arthur and the Round Table." As a war-horse, or an ogre, or a dragon, or a witch, my father lent much terror and realism to these occasions. The princes and princesses of story-books trod these lawns and here love, who respects neither persons nor years, first undid me. Here was I called upon to display in real life those qualities of which heroes are made. "Hello, 'Buggins the Builder,' " said my father one fine day. My playmate's name was Burgett, but forever after we called him "Buggins the Builder." He was not a builder, nor had any of his ancestors been builders. The alliteration no doubt pleased my father. Be that as it may, Gus Burgett, who was neither Buggins nor a builder, was henceforth "Buggins the Builder." Old Mr. Burgett pere was poor, and when a rich rela- tive, for some reason or another, sent his small daughter, . w ^" M H < H < "THE BLESSEDS" 87 Tillie, the sister of Gus, five pounds for Christmas, there was some excitement afoot. My friend Gus was quick to see the possibilities of so considerable a sum of money. We were about the same age that is, between seven and eight. Gus came over to play with me the day after the gold had arrived. He had brought Tillie with him. Tillie was about nine years of age and looked like an apple. Hand in hand they approached me in the garden. "I thay!" said Gus he lisped badly and also suffered from a perpetual "sniff" "I thay!" said he, "Tillie hath five pounds ! Uncle Horathe gave it to her. If you marry her the sayth you and I can have the money." Tillie looked down at her toes; she was actually coy. I had heard in a dim way that money was a useful thing to have, but no desire for it had as yet assailed me; never- theless my small bosom began to be torn asunder. I had heard, too, of marriage and of being given in marriage, but I had not expected to face such an ordeal for some time to come. "Tillie loveth you," said Gus. "Don't you, Tillie?" "Yeth," lisped that maiden, for she, also, was affected with both lisp and sniff. In all fairy-tales the hero scorns gold; virtue and poverty go hand in hand, and bribery and corruption belong only to ogres and such. My code of ethics was limited but clear. "No," said I. "Why not?" said "Buggins the Builder," cupidity gleaming from his eyes and sniffs distorting his nose. "I don't love Tillie," said I, which was not the case at all, for, although I had never thought about it before, I now adored her, I felt sure. 88 MY REMEMBRANCES "That doesn't matter," sniffed "Buggins the Builder." "Yeth, it doeth," sniffed Tillie, and began to cry. The conference broke up in disorder. Tillie joined the other children in the garden who looked at me askance. We were both regarded with strange and new interest for at least half a day, when a dead bird or a new toy threw our romance into the shadow. I, too, soon forgot my passion for Tillie in new adventures, for Uncle Hugh was at hand, and was a leader in many enterprises. Whenever my father's acting season was over, we would be off to the seaside for the holiday. These halcyon days at Ramsgate are especially vivid still Ramsgate, made immortal in the "Bab Ballads," and in the "In- goldsby Legends," by the fearsome tale of "Smuggler Bill," who was raced over the cliff by the devil himself. There is the "Smuggler's Leap" to-day in front of the Granville Hotel, and from the hotel garden one goes down into the " Smuggler's Cave," which, with long, dark, tortuous passages, leads out onto the face of the cliff some fifty feet above the sea, where, on the rocks be- low, crashed "Smuggler Bill," and his dapple-gray mare in death grips with the devil on his coal-black steed. Here on the very spot my father used to read to three delightfully terrified children the blood-curdling ad- venture of "Smuggler Bill." When he got to the verse "Smuggler Bill from his holster drew A large horse-pistol, of which he had two, Made by Knock. He drew back the cock As far as he could to the back of the lock; The trigger he pulled, the welkin it rang; The sound of the weapon it made such a bang! " when he would reach the word "bang!" there was an awful effect, for he had begun the verse in a low, mys- "THE BLESSEDS" 89 terious tone, very tense, and holding on to us as though to protect us from impending danger. He proceeded rapidly in this hushed, tense tone, until he reached the word "bang," which he would give out with such a shout that the cavern echoed again, and we, gloriously fright- ened, would be hurled from him by the force of the explo- sion, huddled together and wide-eyed, to approach again for the next verse and the next shock. These nerve-rack- ing recitations especially appealed to my small brother Sam, who would frequently drag my father from his writing-desk, or even from his meals, saying: 'Ta* wants the ' 'Muggler's Leap.' ' When Joseph Jefferson visited England about this period to play "Rip Van Winkle" in London, he be- came a party to these occasions. Mr. Jefferson stayed at our house in Kensington. You who remember the sweet and gentle Jefferson will smile to know that my parent told his children that a famous pirate chief was coming to hide from the officers of the law. Shortly Jefferson arrived, wrapped up in a very large greatcoat and accompanied by his son Charles, who had met with an accident on shipboard. Charles was carried care- fully into a room on the ground floor, and Jefferson and my father were closeted for a while making Charles com- fortable in bed. When my father came out, I and my brothers were peering through the banisters at the door of the "pirate." "Hush!" said my father. "There has been a terrible battle on the high seas. The pirate chief will be hanged if anybody speaks, and his first mate is full of cannon- balls. There is only one thing to do, and that is to give up eating and to stand on one leg. Quick! There is no time to lose. Hush!" and he left us. 90 MY REMEMBRANCES Shortly Mr. Jefferson came out of the room and found three little boys each standing on one leg on the staircase. "Don't shoot!" said my elder brother. "Bang!" shouted Mr. Jefferson, and the three small lads fled in dismay. It did not take long for us to make friends with this "terror of the seas." We were soon taken to see "Rip," and then we played "Rip" ourselves, assisted by Joe Jefferson. In those days we played many plays. The rockery in our garden very readily became a weird spot in the Kaatskill Mountains, "Sleepy Hollow" and the "Village of Falling Water" materialized with the swift magic of childhood's thought, which can make one a gnome, or a giant, or a flea, or an elephant within the twinkling of an eye. "Rip" was a great play for us. The discarded Tillie was a fine Gretchen, and the per- formance of "Buggins the Builder" as Derrich very nearly doomed him to a theatrical career. My brother Sam was a gnome, and had to crawl about on all fours. He, however, was very mutinous, and no matter what character we cast him for he would insist on introducing the climactic speech from my father's performance of "Rosedale," where the hero cries: "Up, guards, and at 'em." Quite regardless of plot or play, Sam would cry this at inopportune moments, and when rebuked would mutter in his own secret language and conspire against our peace of mind. "Wanted a country house in Devonshire. Must have fishing from bedroom window." This advertisement, in- serted by my father in the London daily papers, brought a prompt reply, and shortly "The Blesseds" found them- selves in Devonshire under the precise conditions ad- "THE BLESSEDS" 91 vertised for. Actually we could fish from the bedroom window, for a trout stream rushed by within twenty feet of the house. All his life, my father was a persistent fisherman; nothing could daunt him. The worst possible luck found him enthusiastic and victorious, for if he could not catch fish he would go into a shop and buy them, and so excite the envy and disgust of his equally unfortunate fellows. Once, when we were fishing in the Rangeley Lakes, the sport was very bad indeed, and for an entire day but one trout was caught, and that by my father. He kept on pulling this same trout out of the water until the other sportsmen in distant boats concluded that his phenomenal success was owing to the spots he selected to fish in. They followed him about all over the lake. Wherever he threw his line, up came trout after trout amidst the greatest excitement and enthusiasm from him and his crew; but those who succeeded him could not get a bite. They awaited his return home, a gloomy group upon the shore. As he approached he lifted his lone fish up again and again, counting an apparently endless catch before their very eyes, when lo! the craft ran ashore, and there was but one trout. A holiday with my father was no idle matter. We were all on the jump from morning until night. Things had to happen all the time. Once "The Blesseds" were taken to Margate. This time John T. Raymond was of the party. He himself was a restless spirit, and ever on the alert to seize fun by the forelock. My father and he disappeared from our scene of action one morning. Shortly, when we went on the sands for our daily ad- ventures among the Punch and Judy shows and the donkey boys and the minstrel men, we were attracted 92 MY REMEMBRANCES by a great crowd which surrounded some negro minstrels. Mr. Bones and the tambourine were especially active and diverting. We watched them for some time before we became aware that the acrobatic Mr. Bones was in reality John T. Raymond and the agile Mr. Tambourine, whose convulsions were quite amazing, was our adored father. It transpired that my father had encountered an old comrade who had enlisted as a minstrel, and under his guidance he and Raymond had thus attired themselves, infusing unheard-of vitality into the performance and entirely eclipsing the efforts of rival performers. Our delight knew no bounds and was the means of discovering my father's identity and precipitating his retreat in a cab an open fly which departed followed by a joyful crowd, Raymond and my father still playing bones and tambourine as they disappeared in the dis- tance. In later years, on my father's occasional engagements in London, Sunday was usually devoted to some kind of family outing. At one time he became manager of the Haymarket Theatre in conjunction with John S. Clarke. Clarke was a curious man, and would in the oddest way avoid meeting people by gliding into a near- by shop. My father delighted to see him do this, and then to stand outside the shop admiring the things in the window. After a while he would go in, pretending not to see Clarke, but would stand near him with his back to him. If Clarke tried to escape, my father would get into the doorway and, as it were, "bottle him up." I have seen him keep Clarke in a shop in the Haymarket for an hour, Clarke buying saws and chisels and garden hose and all sorts of things he did not want in order to "THE BLESSEDS" 93 avoid recognition and to explain his presence to the shop- keeper. At last my father would turn and cry with great surprise: "Hello, Clarke! where did you come from?" Clarke was a dear, kind fellow and sometimes on a Sunday would call to take my father and his children out for a drive. As he brought his own children with him, a regular caravan would leave No. I Vere Street, where my father lived at the time. Clarke and my father in one vehicle, two other traps contained his family; then came a hansom with my father's man and a couple of dogs, indispensable companions on all ex- cursions; then myself and my brother and sister in an- other hansom; then my father's sister in a Victoria. Away we would go, these six or seven vehicles, down Oxford Street to Piccadilly and out into the country past Kensington, to dine somewhere by the river; a quaint and curious procession and a quaint and curious outing, full of unknown and eagerly expected possibilities; for wherever my father adventured the fortifications of convention and custom were likely to be stormed, to be taken by assault. One could never tell what the day might bring forth, or, as Don Quixote would say, what monstrous, strange, and incredible adventures might be ours, what giants of absurdity we might encounter, or what distressed damsels or enchanted knights errant we might not deliver from their conceits and delusions. XII UNCLE CHARLEY MY father had an odd but quite effective way of doing things. He once sent to an employment office and told the proprietor to send him the very best cook obtain- able. A portly and quite overwhelming woman ap- peared. My father asked her if she could boil a potato. She was speechless. "Very well," said my father, "go and boil one, and cook me a mutton-chop." The portly person sailed away and shortly a perfect potato and a faultless mutton-chop appeared. "Good," said my father, "you are engaged." That cook was in our family for twenty years. When I had reached the age of eight, it was decided that I must go to a boarding-school. My father used to hunt five days a week, taking a train from London at about five in the morning to Warwickshire, Leicester- shire, or to Somersetshire, returning in the evening to play at the Haymarket Theatre. One day he went to a meet at Dunchurch, a little village three miles from Rugby in Warwickshire. He always had magnificent hunters, and when he would start on these occasions from our house in Kensington, my brothers and my sister and I would shout with glee from our nursery window. He in his red coat, two or three horses, and the groom would be off on their way to the railway- station. Well, on this day he went to Dunchurch, and during the run he found that he and one other well- mounted man were far ahead of the field. They began 94 UNCLE CHARLEY 95 to talk, and it developed that the other sportsman was a schoolmaster, one Alfred A. Harrison, who had just started a school for small boys at Dunchurch Lodge. "Good," said my father, as they took a fence together, "I'll send you my boy." A few days later I was there, taking a tearful farewell of my mother, and a few days after that I was running after the hounds every half-holiday, taking short cuts across the country to the spinney where we knew the fox would be, or where experience had shown he would make for. I was for six years at that school, and when I left it I took my brother Sam up, and he was there six years, too. We are neither of us scholars, but we would not barter those dear years for much learning. I never go to England but I go to Dunchurch. The school no longer exists. Some years since, on one of my visits, I viewed the charred remains of the old house. A large tree was growing in the middle of the room which used to be my dear old master's study. Another large tree grew in the room into which my mother had taken me at eight years of age to confront the spirit of learning; it grew from the middle of the floor, and its branches went out at the windows the "Tree of Knowledge," I said to myself. I stood and looked at it for an hour, and I lived over again all the love and care and happiness I had known in that house, and I was quite sure that every leaf on that tree was a blessing from the heart of some little child who has found love and shelter under that fallen roof. Then I went to the Duncow, the village inn, and I sat in the tap-room after a meal and said to a beer-bibber: "Oh, yes, I was at school here." "Where?" interposed the landlord. "Over there, at Dunchurch Lodge." 96 MY REMEMBRANCES "That was never a school," said he. "Oh, yes it was," said I, "and I was there for six years." He smiled on me with pity in his eye. "Well, I have lived here thirty years," said he, "and I never heard of no school there." Two negatives make an affirmative. "Aha!" said I, "it was forty-five years ago that I was a schoolboy." You see, I came near being the oldest inhabitant. There is a pair of stocks outside the Duncow. In ancient times the passing malefactor was made to sit on a bench, and his ankles were placed in two holes in a thick plank which faced him, and his wrists in two other holes, and there he sat padlocked, and perhaps repentant. I have seen a man in those stocks, the one bad man who had passed that way in half a century. So I looked at the stocks, and I looked at the church tower whence I had heard the moping owl to the moon complain, and I looked at the cottage which legend de- clares was the rendezvous of Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators, and I looked at the "Tuck Shop" across the street, and I felt very lonely. This same Tuck Shop ! I had an uncle who lived in Coventry hard by, a dear fellow but with a Mephisto- phelian humor. He used to drive over to Dunchurch in a mail phaeton with two of the largest horses I ever saw, with much clanking of chains and much frothing of mouths, and he would take me to this Tuck Shop. "Go and get your chum," he would say. Hotfoot I would fetch him (one Freeling, where is he now ?). Panting, we would greet him Uncle Charley. "Now, then," he would say with a steely gleam in his eye, "pitch in." When we had eaten incredibly, and paused to breathe, "Do you feel sick yet?" would exclaim Uncle Charley. "No," we would reply. "Well, try some of those!" pointing to a deadly looking bottle of bullet-like sweets. "Ah, Duncow Inn The stocks DUNCHURCH, NEAR RUGBY The jail UNCLE CHARLEY 97 do you feel sick, yet ?" "No." "Don't you feel sick ?" to my dear Freeling. "Not yet!" "Give them some of those things on the shelf there," answered Uncle Charley. "Now" (after some watchful waiting), "now you feel sick, don't you?" "No, sir," we would grin. "Well, I'll be hanged," would declare the avuncular one. "Here ! Here's half a sovereign each for you. I'm off." Dash ! would go the horses. Clang! would go the chains. Slash ! would go the whip, and away went Uncle Char- ley ! Sick ! We ! He knew us not. Patent insides had we. A-i, copper-lined, indestructible, such appetites for everything but learning ! We did absorb many bits of information, for we were surrounded by a general persistent endeavor. Such dear, kind fellows were our four masters ! And our drawing- master! When I went to take my brother Sam to this school, the drawing-class was in session. I had just gone on the stage. At thirteen years the master had had some hopes of me as a painter. "Hello," said he, "how is the art?" "Oh, I have given it up," said I, "I have taken to acting." "Traitor," said he, slowly and sadly, and he turned away. He was a poor, very poor man of about fifty. He walked three miles to Dun- church and three miles back to Rugby twice a week to give little boys lessons in drawing. He wore a slouch- hat and a cropped beard, and he sang all the time. I can't walk far without being tired, and I never sing at all. Well, he gave me a prize for drawing "Self-Help," by Smiles, a book that I read with delight; it has helped me a good deal. Mr. Harrison said to us: "What you know is much. What you are is more" Whenever we told tales of each other, whenever we did any small thing that was punishable, Mr. Harrison 98 MY REMEMBRANCES would say: "Do you think a little gentleman would do that ?" We did not think so, and we felt it, and we said nothing, but thought much. Since they have reached manhood, I have met many of the boys in that school. I have never met one who was not a man of character, and I have met some who were men of distinction. Soldiers, lawyers, doctors, all professions. They ran after hounds, candy wouldn't make them sick. But while they ran and while they ate, they had in their eager little hearts examples of sweet and kind nobility, daily and hourly before them in the persons of this dear master and his wife and aids, that have moulded many of them in the years that have since come. "Would a little gentleman do that ?" might be nailed up to the extinction even of "God Bless Our Home." I don't think I gleaned much learning at that school, and these precepts so readily applauded are hard to maintain. But it is not my remembrance of Colenso, nor of Euclid, nor of Caesar's Commentaries, nor my adoration of the multiplication table, that takes me back to Dunchurch each succeeding year; nor is it the Tuck Shop, for my taste for sugar is not what it was. But be it what it may, it is something that I must sat- isfy, or want. My brother Sam was more of a scholar than I, sorely against his will, as this letter, saved from the scant corre- spondence of his anxious childhood, will testify. MY DEAR MA: I ham so hunape. Please send me twelve stamps. Has the black cack killed any more piggins. Do kill it. I yours lovin son SAM. P. S. I am still learning Greek. UNCLE CHARLEY 99 Now, this is an ideal document. Sam's ignorance of English and his hatred of the classics make up the moral of this story. As I look back on it, I say: "Sam is Sam. Greek is only Greek." Sam has ever been aware of this fact. It is only dawning on me at this late hour. Sam's philosophy and strange wisdom are instanced by another story. An adorable master named Walker was expounding the fifth proposition of Euclid to Sam's class of six boys, whose toes did not touch the floor. Walker reduced the proposition to an absurdity, Sam steadily star-gazing, and then with blackboard and chalk laboriously proved its sanity. Suddenly pointing a long finger at Sam's open mouth, he cried: "Go on, Sam." Sam looked addled for a moment, and then murmured: "Which is absurd." "Write it out ten times," said Walker. We had our own separate gardens at this school. We delved and we garnered, and we were allowed to have our produce cooked and served. Whenever the hounds were in the village, a boy, usually the head boy (almost ten or eleven years old), would say after breakfast, "Half-holiday! Three cheers for Mr. Harrison!" We knew Mr. Harrison was eager for the fray. "You owls!" he would say. ("Owls" he ever called us, the bird of wisdom, observe, Minerva's chicken.) "You owls ! go on, away with you." And away it was. Such red blood dashing through such young hearts, such cries, such flying over hedges, such friendships, such vows, such memories ! Was not my father wise to know that to cook a potato superbly was to be a good cook, and that a schoolmaster who could ride gamely to hounds, must be a good school- ioo MY REMEMBRANCES master? May not a potato be as good as a feast, and may not he who runs gayly read wisely ? Greek! I learned none. Latin, less. Often have I bewailed this loss. But there has been something else, of no value of all value. Not a penny in it. Hard to explain. But it takes me back to Dunchurch every year, and will do so till I die. XIII A "DAWDLER" "HE'S a * dawdler'!" said Mr. Snelling, really in a tone of denunciation, and exhibiting, in the agitation of his dear old face and his patriarchal yellow-white beard, distinct signs of storm and stress. "He is a 'dawdler'! He absolutely refuses to learn 1 He is a 'dawdler'!" "What is a 'dawdler'? " inquired "Ta" of Rebecca, much crestfallen and depressed by an accusation which, although indefinite, seemed somehow to be surely de- grading if not felonious. "You know well enough!" said Rebecca, thus veiling her own ignorance. "A 'dawdler' is a person who daw- dles. I am ashamed of you." With much misgiving and great labor "Ta" fingered the dictionary and spelled out this definition: "To waste time in trifling employment." "As what, for instance?" thought "Ta." "Dreaming perhaps ? or singing ? or wondering about things gen- erally?" "A dawdler! is he?" said "Ta's" father. "We'll see about that! What is seven times nine?" said he to "Ta," very suddenly, on entering the nursery. "Ta" solved this conundrum with alacrity. It was one of the wearisome things he had laboriously acquired. "What year did King Stephen come to the throne?" "Ta" demanded of his father, aglow with conscious wis- dom, and resolved to "undawdle" himself here and now. XOI 102 MY REMEMBRANCES "I'm hanged if I know," admitted "TaV father, re- garding his son with undisguised admiration. "Stephen to seize the throne did contrive in eleven hundred and thirty-five!" repeated "Ta" sturdily, and preparing for a further outflow of knowledge. "The boy's a marvel!" cried "Ta's" father. "Dublin is the capital of Ireland," continued "Ta" volubly, somewhat flushed with triumph and with ac- quittal well in sight. "It stands on the river Liffey. The population of the city is 249,602. It sends two members to Parliament. The chief manufacture is poplin, which is much celebrated. The main branches of industry " "That will do," said "Ta's" father, and he embraced "Ta" tenderly, and made anxious inquiries about his health and his appetite. "Ta" heard him, later, de- clare to "Ta's" mother that they must be very careful or he would have cerebral fever or water on the brain, or perhaps even lose his reason. "The boy's a prodigy !" said "Ta's" father. "He knows more useless things than any lad I ever heard of." As he kissed "Ta" good night that evening he mentioned that he was off, on the morrow, to play in Liverpool. "Oh, yes!" said "Ta." "Liverpool is the capital of Lancashire. The population is " But "Ta's" father interrupted by hugging him ^furi- ously and declaring that he was being overworked. Next morning "Ta's" father plunged into a sort of whirlwind of hansom cabs, and trunks, and farewells, and directions that all the children should have their feet in mustard and water. There was much also about lin- seed tea, and Epsom salts, and Gregory's powders, and vows to write frequently and declarations of what we A "DAWDLER" 103 all wanted at Christmas, "TaV sister especially insisting that nothing would satisfy her but a certain lion from the "Lowther Arcade." Said "Ta" at this: "The lion is the most majestic and ferocious of carnivorous quadrupeds, chiefly an inhabi- tant of Africa although it is found also " But here "Ta's" father drove away sorely perplexed concerning "Ta's" sanity, and calling out that certain precautions should be taken in regard to sleep and diet. The truth was that, although "Ta" was actually well acquainted with the facts which had been divulged in the course of his ordeals at the Snelling Academy, it had never occurred to him to use this miscellaneous knowledge in daily conversation. It would seem, how- ever, that one's reputation for learning depended greatly on imparting information in and out of season, and on making even one's bread and butter a source of intel- ligence and commentary. It was evident that to be a "dawdler "was discreditable; that to possess knowledge and never mention it would be apt to brand one as a person who "wasted time in trifling employment," such as gazing at the sky, or wool-gathering, or minding one's own business. When Pointer brought the pony round in the morn- ing, "Ta" startled him by saying, apropos of nothing at all: "Four times eight is thirty-two!" "Beg pardon, sir!" said Pointer. "I said," replied "Ta," "that the battle of Crecy was fought in 1346." "Oh!" said Pointer. "And," continued "Ta," "that the distance from the earth to the moon is 237,600 miles." Pointer was so deeply impressed by these abstruse 104 MY REMEMBRANCES statements that he was overwhelmed by a settled gloom during the ride in the park. On the return home Re- becca was encountered in the hall bearing a flower-pot containing lilies. "How did you enjoy your ride?" asked Rebecca. "The white lily," replied "Ta," "is a native of the Levant. It has long been cultivated in gardens and much sung by poets." "What's that?" said Rebecca. "I assure you," said "Ta," "that three plus eight plus four is fifteen." "Good gracious!" cried Rebecca. "Isn't he a wonder!" whispered Pointer. "I should say a genius!" said Rebecca. "Ta's" fame spread rapidly. Fanny Marsh, the cook, looked fairly stunned when "Ta" assured her that a cabbage was "a plant in general cultivation for culinary purposes," and that "the cod was a fish almost rivalling the herring in its importance to mankind." "Such cleverness is not natural," said she. "I've been a cook for thirty years and I know what I'm talk- ing about." The circle thus impressed by "Ta's" erudition was, of course, small. Excellence is comparative, and there were people who were by no means astonished at his informa- tion, although eyebrows were raised at his unusual manner of imparting it, for it was startling for staid ladies, when asking after "Ta's" health, to receive the reply that "Watt Tyler's rebellion occurred in 1381, during the reign of King Richard II." "Ta's" desire to eliminate the stain of "dawdler" from his record seemed practically realized. Mr. and Mrs. Snelling maintained their opinion; but "Ta's" father and A "DAWDLER" 105 mother, Pointer, Sarah, Rebecca, and the gardener were convinced that "Ta" was greatly misjudged, and was in- deed a scholar of no mean parts. The impression gained ground among "Ta's" adherents that Mr. and Mrs. Snel- ling were jealous of his attainments, and that he made them look small before the intellectual world. Sarah ("Kluklums") indeed was heard to declare that if "Ta" was a "dawdler" she would "die on the road." "The child has a perfect passion for learning," wrote "Ta's" aunt to his mother. "I am terrified for fear he will become a schoolmaster, or perhaps go into politics. I think he should cultivate athletics, and should eliminate the study of the classics from his curriculum." "Ta" overheard his aunt offer this opinion to Rebecca, and concluded that his "curriculum" was his head. On bumping that member against a table, therefore, he announced that he had a pain in his "curriculum." It was at this time that "Ta" went to school at Dun- church, and was distressed to find that part of his torture was to be the continued study of Greek and Latin; hence that historic letter in which he announced that he was "hunape" and wailed in his misery: "I am still learning Greek." Most children would have escaped distasteful study by an assumption of stupidity. "Ta's" discovery that a little knowledge was not only a dangerous but a terri- fying thing had many elements of novelty and exhibited that penetration into human motives heretofore re- marked upon. "One often hears that people die from overstudy," said "Ta's" mother. "Frequently they go mad," said "Ta's" father. "Knowledge is power," declared "Ta's" mentor, and 106 MY REMEMBRANCES proceeded to illustrate that statement by writing on the blackboard, "Balbus is building a wall." How the possession of that fact, even in Latin, could add to his dominion, present or future, "Ta" was unable to perceive. To most children the pursuit of learning does not partake of the pleasures of the chase. The sport is not made either beautiful or fascinating, nor is the object to be attained so explained and illuminated as*to create desire. The process assumes the sombre hue of a task; indeed, it is mostly so designated, and the little mind so eager to know and so full of wonder and strange ques- tionings is dulled and tortured by restraint, and the wearisome accumulation of means to an end not seen. Had "Ta" been told by some eloquent and kindly tongue of all "the glory that was Greece and the grandeur that was Rome," his imagination, thus fed, might have craved a knowledge of the former as a favor for being a good boy, and have felt some enthusiasm concerning the inexplicable mania of Balbus for the construction of walls. As it was, the mere thought of those defunct languages gave him a pain in his "curriculum," and the derangement of Balbus, which resulted in mural con- struction infinite and apparently purposeless, excited extreme disgust and positive aversion. The result was that "Ta," having established at home a dread that overwork would deprive him of reason, was not permitted to wrestle with the classics, but in order to preserve his sanity he was taught to ride to hounds, and very learnedly hunted three or four times a week. "Ta's" own private language, which had once been the secret means of communication between himself and "Kluklums," had of late been discarded, greatly to the A "DAWDLER" 107 loss of the science of philology. But " Kluklums's " soul, quick to note any inclination in the tactics of her adored "Prince," humbly sought to interpret his statements, geographical, mathematical, historical, and botanical, and thereby landed herself in what, to another, would have been rather embarrassing dilemmas. She perceived in these scraps of lore a code or cipher such as is reputed to prevail in the "agony column" of the newspapers for the convenience of lovers and burglars, and she cudgelled her brains to translate them into deeds responsive. When, for instance, "Ta" would remark, in reply to a request for the time of day, that "Snowden was 3,571 feet high," "Kluklums" would add to people's amazement by declaring, "Yes, and I have some in my pocket," thereupon producing clean handkerchiefs. She was fearfully in earnest about it and was heard to vow she would "die on the road," but she would know what Master "Ta" meant by his new manner of speech. "Ta," meanwhile, never appeared in the least surprised at her interpretations of his statements and accepted whatever translation she offered as though it were the one expected. "Ipswich, the capital of Suffolk, is situated on the river Orwell," would say "Ta";"the population is 50,762." "I told her so," would answer "Kluklums," "and she said she would be home to tea at five o'clock." It is a curious thing that "Ta's" campaign, undertaken with the purpose of controverting the assertion that he was a "dawdler" and continued as a means of escape from a study of Greek and Latin, ended by making him a regular dictionary of universal information, which he continues to be to this day. In times of national stress and uncertainty people say: "Ask 'Ta' ! What does 'Ta' io8 MY REMEMBRANCES say?" in moments of private need or doubt, "'Ta' will know," or "'Ta' will tell us what to do" has become a commonplace. The force of habit is illustrated by the fact that when recently in New York "Ta" was, in com- pany with several other persons, the occupant of an elevator which fell some ten stories to the basement of a tall building. He extricated himself without haste from the distracted and agitated crowd and remarked, as though continuing a train of thought: "Yes, and for the Saint Leger, I would advise you to lay 12 to 4 on Beeswax. If past performances count for anything he's bound to win." Those who know him not thought this was a pose on "Ta's" part, but "Kluklums" and I are aware that: "If you bring up a child in the way he should go, he will seldom depart therefrom." PART II HUGH XIV HUGH IF you have read "Tristram Shandy," you will re- member Uncle Toby's defense of the redoubt built by Corporal Trim, and how the ancient warrior puffed pipe after pipe of tobacco smoke from his stronghold to represent the firing of cannon to the annihilation of an imaginary foe, and perhaps you thought such conduct quite childish on the part of a soldier and a gentleman. Such a conclusion depends entirely upon the point of view. One may be as a little child and not at all ridiculous or unreasonable to some people. I happen to have known a little child who had just such a relative as my Uncle Toby, and this little child thought, and still thinks, that his uncle Uncle Hugh was his name was by far the noblest and sanest person he ever met, although most grown-up people were quite sure he was as mad as a hatter, erratic as a March hare. These are some of the things that made them think so: Uncle Hugh distrusted all grown-up people. He did not like them. He adored little children, and was a child again when he was with them. Although he was a poor man, he kept an old asthmatic dog for many years in luxury in a loose box in London. In another loose box he kept an old horse, a victim of all the ills horse- flesh is heir to. I used to go with him to see these for- tunate animals, but he would never take grown-up peo- ple to visit them. ii2 MY REMEMBRANCES Uncle Hugh and I were walking opposite the Knights- bridge barracks one day when a cavalry regiment which had seen service in one of England's "little wars" came in sight. They had come home. Some were wounded and wore bandages. Many a horseman led a riderless horse, and on each side of the saddle of many such a riderless horse, with foot in stirrup, had been secured the tall guardsman's boots of the dead soldier, while some garments of the absent rider were attached to the pommel. "That is the way my horse came home," said Uncle Hugh. I was well aware that Uncle Hugh loved this horse which he never rode. For fifteen years he had kept him a big chestnut with white stockings in a stable near Saint James Street. It seemed a strange thing for a poor man to do; you can't keep a horse in London for nothing, it must cost about three pounds a week; that is one hundred and fifty pounds a year. When a man has an income of only five hundred a year, this is a serious item. "How did your horse come home, Uncle Hugh?" said I. It appeared that Hugh once had a very dear friend, a soldier, an officer in a cavalry regiment. In a certain engagement, during a "little war," this friend had been fatally wounded and had fallen from his horse. After the charge, which had resulted so seriously, the horse of the officer, running wild over the field, had found his master, and had stood over him, neighing and, as it were, calling, calling for help. Those searching for the wounded were attracted to the spot. The injured man was picked up and taken to a field-hospital. He lingered for an hour HUGH 113 and then died. On a piece of paper he had scrawled these words: "Hugh, I am dying. Take care of my horse." The letter had been taken from his tunic, it was stained with blood. Hugh was at home on the steeds of Father Neptune, but an English hunter, turned charger, was of no use to him. Still, there was the message from his dead comrade; there was the letter with its injunction stamped in blood. Hugh, when I first recall him, arrived at my father's house in his naval uniform. He wore the long side- whiskers of the day 1865. His sea chest was full of treasures which he soon disclosed to me. He gave me at once a nautical telescope with the flags of all nations on the outside of it, a mariner's compass, a small piece of the lately laid Atlantic cable, "Peter Parley's Tales," and the "Ingoldsby Legends." He showed me his sword, and I soon became his constant companion. As usual, the grown-ups found him a bit odd. But I was able to entertain him. There was a rockery in the garden and a kind of cave in it. There it was my habit to be shipwrecked constantly, sometimes with imaginary fol- lowers, sometimes with any companions accident might provide. The surrounding lawn easily became the boundless ocean, with no friendly sail in sight from day to day, and a fountain, which imagination could readily obliterate, could, when circumstances demanded, become the long-looked-for ship of rescue. This I soon explained to Uncle Hugh, who saw nothing unusual in these ar- rangements. On the contrary, he suggested many splen- did "improvements." We went through untold agonies from starvation in the cave, and boarded the fountain (having approached it under fire), seized the crew (my ii4 MY REMEMBRANCES young sister), made them walk the plank, and occasionally hanged them to the yard-arm. One great day, Hugh ar- ranged that when he should call for me at the small school I attended, we should enlist some of the other children, and that a fierce attack should be made on the cave. I and my party were not to know whence to expect the danger. I lay in the cave with the large nautical telescope scanning the horizon when, to my great excitement, I saw Hugh climb over the garden wall from the street, sword in hand. I at once manned the long-boat (a box in which croquet mallets were kept) and started to meet and destroy the foe, when, to my terror, a policeman appeared on the wall beside my adored uncle, seized him by the neck, and the two dis- appeared into the street. I and my reckless crew paled with fear. The law had us in its "clutch." Hugh would surely be hanged in the Tower of London, or perhaps burned at the stake. Wails of anguish arose from the long-boat, as, careless of the hungry ocean, we jumped from it on to the lawn. At this awful moment, however, Hugh appeared safe and sound at the garden door. "Where is the policeman?" I cried. "Dead !" said Hugh, "and since we have had no food for ten days, we will eat him." During a dinner at the house of Hugh's sister one day a man at the table asked the hostess how she happened to have on the wall the picture of one Commissioner Yeh, the leader of the Chinese rebellion of 1858, who had distinguished himself by beheading 100,000 of his opponents, and he proceeded to recount the daring ex- ploit of a young naval officer who, during the siege of Canton, accompanied a small band of about 100 men, led by Captain Key of her Majesty's ship Sans Pareil. HUGH 115 With most reckless daring these few made their way into the very centre of the hostile city. They found the hiding-place of the head and front and instigator of the rebellion, Commissioner Yeh. They entered his abode. Captain Key arrested him, and the coxswain of the party (Hugh), seizing the Chinaman's pigtail wrapped it several times around his wrist, thus rendering him powerless. The rebel, who was a huge, fat man, was then conducted through the city of Canton and on to the man-of-war. The Chinese were so amazed that not a shot was fired until the sailors were well out in the stream. This capture practically put an end to the re- bellion. My aunt pointed to the fair-haired, blue-eyed, childish- looking Hugh, who by this time was covered with con- fusion. "It was Hugh," said my aunt. "What was Hugh ?" asked the narrator. "Hugh captured Commissioner Yeh." Everybody laughed as at a good joke. She might as well have declared that I, a little boy, had done the daring deed. Hugh turned her talk away from the danger-point by some quite childish and irrelevant non- sense, and no more was said. No one believed it. But it was the fact. Quixotic Hugh, the companion of chil- dren, the lover of his old horse and his superannuated dog, had done this thing. Uncle Hugh lived alone without a servant in one small room at the top of a house in Waterloo Place. Occasion- ally he would move to Richmond for a few weeks, to the Richmond Club, and to a few chosen friends (chil- dren) he would exhibit a certain dog-kennel he had invented which, by means of intricate tackle, could be pulled up into a tree so that the dog might be placed in ii6 MY REMEMBRANCES it at night and hauled up out of the way of dangerous reptiles and wild beasts. He kept, at a coachmaker's in London, a dog-cart of his invention. When your horse should run away, you had only to pull a lever, and the shafts separated from the cart, which would come to a standstill while the horse would continue his wild career with the shafts attached to him. I think, how- ever, there was a line fastened to the harness with which the horse could be thrown. All the furniture and ornaments and other necessary belongings in Uncle Hugh's room at the top of the house could be seized with the greatest suddenness, and in the most unexpected manner could be gathered into pack- ages and chests, and prepared, in a wink, for any kind of an expedition to any place on the planet. I saw it done. There was a dado which looked like oak, it was really tin; all the chairs and tables and chests, the bed- stead, everything, were either receptacles or could be collapsed rapidly. Like a conjurer, Uncle Hugh would attack these things, and literally in five minutes every article would be packed in its exact place, ready to start anywhere. People (grown-up people) used to think this was the mania of a mad person. Uncle Hugh always seemed to have an idea that he would be called upon one day to un- dertake an expedition which would necessitate this aston- ishing activity and despatch in packing up. To me, as a child, it was the most natural and reasonable way to pack things. Why take days and days over it, if it could be done in a moment ? Uncle Hugh was a sailor, a naval officer of distinction. At about forty years of age he had retired with the rank of captain. His room was decked with trophies of the HUGH "7 4! M ! i i ii8 MY REMEMBRANCES sea sharks' teeth, harpoons, cannon, many kinds of firearms, charts, telescopes, nautical instruments, a sword over the mantelpiece, pistols, all the things that children adore. When Hugh would favor us with an exhibition of his dexterity in preparing for "the expedition," he would say: "Now, then, get ready !" He would lock the door, so as to shut out intruders, and with much serious- ness he would begin: "You see I am prepared to go anywhere at a moment's notice, at the Queen's command. Now, we imagine that a messenger is approaching with my commission. He is at the door below. He is coming up the stairs, two steps at a time (we were on the edge of our chairs by this time, and could assuredly hear the steps on the stone stairs without). He knocks at the door. He enters. I take the blue envelope and open it. 'On Her Majesty's service!' I read my instructions. I don't lose a moment. I say 'Go!" And with a bound Uncle Hugh would seize the tin dado, rush around the room, as he detached it from the wall, fold it up in sec- tions, throw it into one chest; the tables, the chairs folded into each other, lamps, rugs, books, instruments, fire- arms, coal-scuttles, clothes, boots, decanters, silver, a travelling cook-stove, everything a man needs to go any- where. In three minutes all had disappeared, and Uncle Hugh, panting, triumphant, stood amid his sea chests, overcoat on, hat on, sticks and umbrella in hand, "Ready! at the Queen's command," would say Uncle Hugh. Grown-up people who heard us talk about this experience laughed, naturally enough, and declared that Uncle Hugh was "gone there," tapping their grown-up foreheads. This used to annoy me when I was a child, because I was quite sure Hugh would one day do this thing he had on his mind, and which he had thus confided HUGH 119 to me and my small brother, so we concluded we would not discuss him with the grown-up ones for the future. We believed in Hugh, and we waited in confidence. One day people knocked at Uncle Hugh's door and were told that he had gone. "Where?" said these callers. "To rescue Chinese Gordon," said the man at the door. These people smiled and went their way. But it was a fact. Not just yet "at the Queen's command," but at the promptings of even a higher authority, Uncle Hugh had taken his instructions. 1 It was in 1885 that Gordon was in such danger at Khartoum. Hugh gathered together his small resources, he fitted out an expedition all by himself. He started to rescue Gordon. He proceeded across the desert. His force of natives turned on him, the only white man. They plotted to kill him. It was his habit to sleep each night with dogs tied to his wrists, and a weapon in either hand. One night he heard his dogs growl. He awoke, and quite near him some men discussed the plan of mur- dering him and stealing his outfit and supplies. They put the plan into execution the next day. Hugh shot the leaders at once, and marched the others back to his start- ing-point, day after day, without sleeping, keeping them before him at a safe distance. His solitary expedition failed, as all grown-up people knew it would. But some- where it has been hailed as a success of a kind. Gordon was killed at Khartoum, as all the world knows. Help arrived too late. Hugh suffered without complaint the pangs of poverty for years after this adventure. No 1 Uncle Hugh Stewart must nol be confounded with Sir Herbert Stewart who led the actual relief expedition. Nor with Sir Donald Stewart who accompanied General Gordon and who also lost his life when despatched down the river for assistance. These, however, were relatives of Hugh. 120 MY REMEMBRANCES one knew of his straits. He kept it from grown-up peo- ple, and my brother and I and other small confidants were leaving our childhood behind us in distant lands. We never knew. One day a doctor called on my brother in London and told him Uncle Hugh was ill. My brother went to his lodging. People at the door were pale and frightened. More doctors who were gathered there said that the room was barricaded, that Hugh was violent, that it was dan- gerous for any one to enter. My brother called through the door. Hugh knew his voice and opened. His appear- ance was quite wild and gaunt, untidy, distraught. "I thought you were a grown-up person," said Hugh. Then he talked in his ancient, childish way sanely enough. My brother got rid of the disturbed neighbors, and for some days looked after Uncle Hugh. One day when he knocked at the door there was no reply. He went in. Hugh was lying in a hammock slung across the room this was his present fancy in bedsteads. He was half dressed. He was talking to himself. He had a large navy revolver in each hand, his other weapons, guns and swords, were about him. "How are you, Uncle Hugh?" said my brother. Hugh, looking steadily at him, said, "At the Queen's command," and died. He had been called whither ? Who shall say if this was the expedition he had vaguely expected ? Who shall say if the messenger whose coming we had so often seen enacted was not the angel visitor who had now knocked at the door ? The hands, accustomed to weapons, had sought them instinctively at the approach of danger. But for this final adventure, dear Hugh, you were armed HUGH 121 as few of us shall be. No foe can harm you, all others will salute and say: "Pass on." This is not fiction. Uncle Hugh was a veritable Don Quixote. A child at heart, gentle, brave, true, kind, generous, simple, romantic, fanatical perhaps. Don Quixote I always think him. Long, thin, with large aquiline nose, very fair hair, blue eyes, a trace of Irish brogue in his voice; always laughing when with little children. He was a bachelor, but I am sure that some- where there must have been a Dulcinea for that chival- rous heart. Perhaps "at the Queen's command" had a double meaning to him. In the Elysian fields Uncle Hugh, I know, wanders with his asthmatic dog and his dilapidated horse; is greeted by the ancient heroes as an equal, and comforts small boys who may be frightened as they step from the boat that conveys them across the Styx. I am sure he plays at being a pirate, and perhaps he induces Achilles and other warriors to take a part. Dear Uncle Hugh, I salute you, "in the Queen's name!" XV FORWARD I IF you had been reading "Captains Courageous," or "Allan Quatermain," or "Treasure Island," and should shortly come across an old sea-dog's old sea chest brass- handled, brass-cornered, brass-plated, redolent of winds and whales, and filling your mind's eye with belaying- pins and pinnaces and " sons-of-sea-cooks," and "main- sheets," and "abaft here" and "ahoy! there," and much more mellifluous maritime lingo, what would you say to yourself before you proceeded to open it ? You would say, as you pondered with the heavy key between your fingers: "This chest harbors the dreams of my childhood. If it is empty, well I can still dream. But what if it con- tains strange documents of dreams come true; a map telling me how and where I shall find the buried treasure; the love-letters of the princess who dies for me of unre- quited love; the fruitless appeal of the nobles and the grateful populace to make me King of the kingdom of 'Neverwas'? Such thoughts would indeed give you pause. But then if, on turning the key and opening the chest and scanning logbooks and papers, you should be confronted with the faded photograph of Uncle Hugh, holding a huge, death-dealing pistol in one hand and a most damnable dirk in the other, dressed in a kilt and with this exciting inscription on the back: 'Abyssinia, 300 miles up country, waiting for a friendly visit from an Arab chief,' and dated 1885. How then?" With the mariner's habit of making records, uncle 122 FORWARD! 123 Hugh had paused in his expedition toward Khartoum to take this picture. Here is his logbook where is in- scribed: May 4, 1852. Latitude 25-58 North; longitude 120-3 East. Patchugsan, White Dog Island. Landed with crew of Contest and Lily to rescue the crew of an Amer- ican merchant ship taken by Chinese pirates. May nth. Had charge of Lily's pinnace at capture of 70 piratical Chinese junks, Tymong. Here we are surely in the thick of adventures ship- wrecked manners and pigtailed pirates. We are dull- witted, indeed, if we do not see ourselves led by all- conquering Uncle Hugh rescuing starving American sailors on the desert island at the very moment when they are drawing lots to determine who shall be devoured. And do not these same rescued sailors then wreak poetic justice on the Chinese marauders by taking part in the blood- curdling conflict with the seventy piratical junks ? Is not Uncle Hugh here, there, and everywhere, his fair hair floating in the wind, battling from junk to junk while the almond-eyed salt-water thieves are hurled into the sea delightfully mangled, dismembered, and decapi- tated ? Here is a volume, entitled "Scenes and Studies of Savage Life/' by G. M. Sproat London, Smith and Elder, 1868. On the fly-leaf in Uncle Hugh's hand is this startling statement: I lived with the Haidar Indians for nearly two years, dressed and painted in same manner as that tribe. See page 186 a fight I had with the "Ahouahts." It is a curious fact that the Indian war-whoop, " Weena ! Weena !" means "Forward !" same as my family motto. i2 4 MY REMEMBRANCES The book depicts the life and records the history of one of the most savage tribes of North America, the in- habitants of the Queen Charlotte Islands. Their legends declare that their forefathers came ages ago in great canoes from the West, and sure enough there is a tribe of Hindoos named "Haidar" in India to-day. Hence "Haidarabad," from "Haidar," lion, and "Bad," town. Having read the book, you take a long breath, and wonder what on earth Hugh was doing for two years, "dressed and painted in the same manner as that tribe," and you behold him clothed in sea-otter skins and draped with a strangely patterned blanket made from the wool of the mountain-goat, woven upon a warp of shred cedar bark, his face daubed with fat and painted with pig- ments of vermilion, blue, and black, bracelets of silver on his arms, and copper rings upon his ankles and about his neck; a head-dress consisting of a strange wooden mask, ornamented with mother-of-pearl, stands up from his forehead, with a piece fitting over the head, attached to which are huge feathers, and supporting a long strip of cloth about two feet wide which hangs down to the feet and is covered with skins of the ermine. He wears, too, ornaments of dentalium and haliotis shells, and of the orange-colored bill of the puffin. At the time of Hugh's residence among them these people were cannibals and head-hunters, and the his- torian cheerfully remarks: "Your head may be cut off at any moment. They think no more of cutting off a man's head than of killing a salmon. They are subject to fits of demoniacal possession." And he describes an occasion when "It was a clear moonlight night. The men danced on the beach, many holding high in one hand a musket, in the other several human heads." UNCLE HUGH IN ALEXANDRIA, EGYPT From a photograph taken in Alexandria, as shown in the reproduction at top FORWARD! 125 They indulged in human sacrifice, and, to form hard- ened and fierce hearts their children were taught to stick their knives into the victim without showing any sign of pity or horror. At certain religious ceremonies flesh was bitten from the naked arm and old people torn limb from limb and eaten alive. They worshipped the moon. The killer whale was their evil spirit, and what with sorcerers and medicine- men, and witch-doctors, and a fine supply of devils there was no lack of excitement. What in the world was Uncle Hugh doing for two years, "dressed and painted in the same manner as that tribe" ? There it is in his own handwriting. Please do not tell me that having attired himself ac- cording to the description in the book he sat on a rock for these two years and twiddled his thumbs, or that he spent the time in fishing, or that he donned vermilion pigments and feathered head-dress that he might ad- mire himself Narcissus-like in the stream. Be it ob- served that the war-cry of the Haidars was "Weena! Weena!" "Forward!" the same as Hugh's family motto. The Irish language was originally Sanscrit. There are many ancient Irish customs which resemble those of the Hindoos. These Haidars probably were from India. Did Uncle Hugh's romantic vein imagine some tie of blood between himself and this savage clan ? Did he proclaim himself "King of the Cannibal Islands"? Did he, as Don Quixote, his prototype, present himself with an island or two and acclaim himself Monarch of the Kingdom of Micomicon ? "The man who would be king" encountered strange happenings. Did not a certain Johnson arise one fine 126 MY REMEMBRANCES morning and say to his wife: "Well, I am going to be a king"? "Where?" said the astonished lady. " I don't know, but I am tired of this sort of thing, and I will be a king!" And did he not sally forth and depart into space, and become a king indeed, King of Cocos Island in the South- ern Pacific ? I am convinced that Uncle Hugh became a king. He was the very incarnation of "once upon a time." No wonder that when he joined me in my childhood's enter- prises I felt the spell, weird and mysterious, which sur- rounded him. It was at that time he had, for reasons, abdicated his throne, cast off his feathered crown, his silver bracelets, his war-paint and laid by his arms. Why? This chest full of letters and memoranda and maps and scraps sayeth not. There is nothing but the state- ment: "For two years dressed and painted in same manner as that tribe," written on the fly-leaf of the book. Surely, although he went back to civilization for a while, it was his intention to return to his throne. Per- haps he was seeking for a queen to share his kingdom, Quixotic, of Micomicon. Doubtless, forlorn, his sub- jects are waiting for him now, praying to their gods of the wind and the storm for a sign. What is it in the soul of man that cries: "Go forth" ? Whither we know not; for what purpose, who can tell? The race which peopled the Queen Charlotte Islands came in great war canoes from the West. From far-away Ireland came Uncle Hugh. "Forward!" cried the Stewart clan. "Weena! Weena!" yelled the savage Haidars, as, goaded by what fearful cataclysm, what FORWARD! 127 deadly fear, what noble aspiration, they, ages ago, dared the vast ocean and ventured on the unknown seas. You close your eyes, and in a moment you are sailing out of the gray past, in a great galley such as is pictured on the tomb of Rameses the Great, with highly culti- vated adventurers, away and away eastward across the Pacific. You are carrying civilization, and the arts to the savage nations of the East, and all the legendary lore and science and religious observance, and the customs accumulated through thousands and thousands of years of struggle and defeat and victory. For you are a Haidar from Haidarabad crying: "Forward!" as you sally forth to give the benighted savage his battle-cry of "Weena! Weena!" Or are you, few in number, to be wrecked, as traditions say, upon that distant shore, and are your progeny to decay and degenerate into a wild and brutal clan holding the remnants of your wisdom in wretched tatters of distorted legend ? By what mysterious force was Uncle Hugh impelled to adventure among his de- graded and degenerate descendants (for you are con- vinced by now that Hugh is an Irish-Scotch-Hindoo, and that the Haidars are Hindoo-Irish-Americans) ? To re- deem them, "Forward!" he cries. But they advance not. "Weena ! Weena !" they yell and walk backward, degenerating, oblivious, fading more and more until they become the faintest shadow of a past, forgetting and forgotten, vanished into the moonlight and the dark; for does not your goal in going "forward" depend entirely upon where your eyes are set ? Here you perceive a paragraph in Sproat's volume wherein he suggests that "Quanteat," the great god worshipped by the Haidars as only second to the moon, was a wondrous chief or "white man" of former times 128 MY REMEMBRANCES whom they had credited with divine attributes. Ha 1 a light, brilliant and dazzling, breaks in upon you. Hugh was not only a king, he was a god I He shared the heavens with the sun and moon; the ocean with Hai-de-la-na, the killer whale. He blended his war-cry with the voices of the storm; why, then, did he cease to reign ? Hugh was proud of his descent from King Fergus I, the Irish King of Scotland (it always tickled him that the Scotch were originally Irish), and from King Robert II, the progenitors of the Stewart clan. Their motto, " Forward 1" surging in his blood, urged him forever to strive up and on. For him the world was full of great adventures; for him the galleons and the golden city; for him Elysium, Hesperides, and the Island of Irish myth, Tir-na-n'oge Land of Eternal Youth and Joy. These are the glorious day-dreams of humanity. But the gods dream not, they have no delusions; they are wide-eyed; they know all. Who would bear the burdens of a god ? Gazing at the sunset, you and I who have been pon- dering these matters place Uncle Hugh with the gods that were. Now we comprehend why he descended from his high heaven to the earthly plane. Perhaps, like other gods long gone, the hideous things for which he was held responsible weighed him down the fearful prayers for vengeance, the outcries of despair, the few small grains of gratitude, the fawning and the fear, the tears of saints and sinners, the dreadful load of blame; forever sleepless and beholding all. "Ah, yes !" we murmur, "who would be a god ?" Perhaps we think that, having traced Uncle Hugh's pedigree from a mariner to a deity, we have reached the top of the impossible. But there is yet another and super- ^ II YD Kit ALLY . d Gtmat f Bucks! >:;cV Comedy, .in thr-.- acb-, eutiUf!, Married Life! UK LT.Xt UK TOINI MR. DUMA K- I-Vl.VF.-rKK UK STIM4MUT VLMRI.\N N1OHTINOALE. B Alt L A B, BY MISS CUSHNIE. Raymond Worried by Sothern. In which Ui,-)r will n, K - Hi., o'lrl-ralod Durtl from "IL PURITANI," ] From the collection of Robert Could Shaw, Boston SOTHERN'S TC1U HALIFAX. N. S. NOTICE. Tho Dramatic Season positively wni-ludes on TrKsovY, the '25th inst. iic IHC right |trrt !-.!> . B. Pallet arc la f ott-lnl attrn4anrr la pmrrre ; WEDHESDAY EVENING, AUGUST Id. LAST NIGHT BUT FOUR BENEFIT OF MRS. SOTHERN. BeU( uodf r Uir UB*e41>lr PiUroaifC ol 1DNUUL Sffi BOISTON STCT1RT. L C. B. TO CONQUER! AX1.KS AH.O AWX:A>TI K .Jl ^ HAKLOW Tomr /"rom //t 000 of the moat popular dramatists of the period, and NKVKR BKFOBB AOTKD ON ANY STACK, will lake place MONDAY EVENING, OCT. 18, 1858, with DW scenery, Appropriate costumes. Properties, appointments, Ac., ft&, and a cut comprising within Its limits nearly the entire 8TRKNOTH OF THE COMEDY COMPANY. OUR AMERICAN COUSIN Ala Trenchard, a live Yankee Mr. JcffeftOn fclr Edward Trenchard, a Hampshire Baronet. Mr. Varrey Lord Dundreary Mr. Sothern Lieut Veruon, R. N Mr. Levlck Capt.de Boots Mr. Clinton Coyle, attorney at law Mr. Burnett Abel Mureott. his cierk Mr. Couidock Binoey, a butler Mr. Peters Buddicombe, Lord Dundreary's man Mr. McDouall Rssper, a groom Mr. Wharton John Whicker, an under gardener Mr. B. Brown Florence Trenchard Miss Laura Keene Hit. Mouutcheninglon Miss Mary Welles Augusta $K.,x m .M.^.l MlssEffle Oermon GeoVgina J her daughters J Mr*. Sothern Mary Meredith Miss bar* Stevens Bharpe, Miss Trenchard's maid Miss Klynn Skillet, Mrs. Mountchessinglon's maid Mrs. Lerick SYNOPSIS OF SCENERY AND INCIDENTS. ACT I. SCENE I. Morning Room at Trenchard Manor A Imy . Servants' gossip. An itinerant post office much more expe- ditious than the official slow coach. An unknown locality. Where is BraUleboro, Vermont? Florence. A trans-Atlantic letter. A dead branch of the genealogical tree resuscitated. An interesting Invalid. An unexpected arrival. Our Ameri- can cousin. Cousinly affection checked. An unsatisfactory luncheon. No chowder. No slapjacks. No Nothing. An American drink. Brandy smashes and chain lightning. SCENKII. Room in Trenchard Manor , . . . . JThorne. A model lawyer and a drunken clerk. Debt, the nemesis. A financial panic. An old mortgage, but no release, fraud la perspective. A terrible price. A daughter's happiness for a father's safety. A female Robin Hood. Hopeless Inebriety. NEW TOKK, MONDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 1858. mi llEl TRfi * 624 Brordway, twtween Houstou i'il Ulreckcr street. MONDAY EVENING, NOV. 22nd, 1858,^ iJTD EVEBT Ml. II I rSTTI. I I KT1IF.K JKllfltE. W'l ' > " ~"~ ; 1 Strength of the Comedy Company, | fDumb Belle Bsa A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM Reproduced by courtesy of John F. Hinchman PROGRAMME LAURA KEENE*S THEATRE, NOVEMBER 22, 1858 LORD DUNDREARY 173 impression, and he felt that if his years of labor had brought him no further reward, he would give up the struggle. He told Jefferson that he proposed to return to England and enter his father's office in Liverpool, to devote himself to mercantile pursuits. At once it oc- curred to Mr. Jefferson that if my father went away he would have to abandon the stable; he could not bear the expense alone. He used all his powers of argument to induce my father not to throw up his part. Joe Jeffer- son was the leading comedian of the company, and he promised my father that with Miss Keene's consent, he would permit him any liberty in the scenes they might have together. "But I have no scenes," said my father; "I have only about ten lines." "We will have scenes," said Jefferson; "we will make them." He persuaded the dejected Mr. Sothern to at least at- tend the first few rehearsals, and he did so. Jefferson was as good as his word, of course, and Miss Keene was induced to allow Lord Dundreary much liberty. My mother played Georgina, the part opposite my father, and she and he worked up many lines and replies at home, and were allowed to introduce them into the play. If you have ever seen this comedy you may have remarked that nearly all of Dundreary's scenes are with Asa Tren- chard or Georgina. Jefferson worked hard to help his fellow horseman, and day by day Dundreary was, as it were, superimposed upon the play. The success of the character was not so great at first, but it grew as the actor felt his way. The printed play as sold by French & Son represents the result of the first two seasons or so of performances. Every season that my father played the 174 MY REMEMBRANCES piece it was altered and added to; his work on it was con- stant and unremitting. Many actors played the part, indeed it was commonly played by the stock companies of the day, but my father always kept ahead with fresh ideas. The play was gradually simplified from a drama of three acts of four scenes each to a play of four acts of one scene each, the first and last scene being the same. My father each year copied out his own prompt-books, or had them copied, and then wrote in his most recent additions. I have many such prompt-books, with most minute notes and directions. When I played the play, nearly thirty years after his death, these manuscripts were so perfect that I had no difficulty in recalling every movement of all the characters. My father's genius was indeed the genius of infinite pains. I have heard him relate that the little skip he used in his gait in Dundreary originated simply from his habit of trying to keep in step with my mother as they walked up and down at the back of the stage arranging their lines. The skip and the stutter and other business grew and grew from per- formance to performance. As Jefferson says in his "Life," the character of Dundreary gradually pushed all the other characters out of the play. Another unpublished incident of the history of this comedy came to me by accident, when one evening, while I was playing the piece in America, my manager told me that an old Englishman who kept the gallery door wished to see me. I asked him to come behind the scenes. He had, he said, occupied a position in the great dry-goods store of Marshall & Snellgrove in London at the time of the first production of "Our American Cousin," at the Haymarket Theatre. Mr. Buckstone was the manager of the Haymarket. It was his habit when business was From a photograph by C. D. Fredericks y Co. in the collection of Robert Coster E. A. SOTHERN AS LORD DUNDREARY, 1858 LORD DUNDREARY 175 bad to distribute a number of free seats among the em- ployees of this establishment. One day Mr. Buckstone called and said: "This new play, 'Our American Cousin,' is an absolute failure. The house is empty, and I want to make an effort to fill it on Saturday night. I think this new man, Sothern, is very funny, and if he can get a house, I believe he will succeed." A great number of seats were given out, but curiously on that Saturday the fact that Lord Dundreary was an amusing personage had attracted a number of people to the pit. It was the pit that Mr. Buckstone especially desired to fill, for the pit to "rise at one," was then, as now, extremely desirable. Together with free tickets and those who wished to pay, there was such a crush at the pit entrance that a woman was thrown down and trampled to death in a panic which ensued. On Monday the papers were full of this accident. Correspondence ensued, much advertising was the result, and, said my new friend, "the success of the play was assured from that moment." To what untoward cir- cumstance may we not owe our success or failure! That poor woman's death may have actually turned the for- tune of the play, for if it had not drawn on the next Monday, it was Mr. Buckstone's intention to take it off. The play ran for four hundred and ninety-six nights at the Haymarket and made the fortune of Mr. Buckstone and of my father. Two curious circumstances happened during this English engagement. One night, after "Dundreary" had been triumphant for about a year, and my father felt more than assured of his great success, a weary swell in the first row of the stalls arose about the mid- dle of the second act, deliberately put on his coat, stretched himself, yawned audibly, while people mur- 176 MY REMEMBRANCES mured "Hush!" "Sit down!" etc., and started un- perturbed up the aisle. My father, greatly nettled but feeling sure of sympathy from the disturbed spec- tators, went down to the footlights and said: "I beg your pardon, my dear sir, but there are two more acts after this." "I know," said the weary one, "that's why I'm going." It is dangerous to step out of one's part. An old friend of my father, one Doctor Simpson, induced him to go out of town to play one matinee performance of "Dundreary." My father, feeling that he was conferring rather a favor on the small community, went with his company. This Simpson was a great joker, and went about telling the rustic auditors that this man Sothern, being an eminent London actor, they must be careful about their demeanor in the theatre. "This is no cheap kind of play," said he. "You must not let this man think we have no manners. Don't applaud, don't laugh; it isn't done, people of taste don't do it. Laugh when you get home, but remember, 'the loud laugh denotes the vacant mind.' If you like this man's acting, say so quietly when you meet him at the reception after the play." Never was there such a night. The house crowded to the doors and not a sound of welcome, not a sound of laughter at this most comic of characters. For two acts my distracted father endured torture, the fiendish Simpson running around to him every now and again, hitting him on the back and whispering vehemently: "Isn't it great! I never saw such enthusiasm! They're simply mad about it!" "The devil they are!" said my wretched father. "They are as dumb as oysters." From a photograph by Sarony EDWARD A. SOTHERN AS LORD DUNDREARY IN "OUR AMERICAN COUSIN" LORD DUNDREARY 177 It came to the third act where there is a long and most arduous monologue of nearly half an hour. Not a sound. My father could endure no more. He arose from the stool whereon he sat, walked down to the foot- lights and said: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you don't laugh I can't go on." Pandemonium broke loose. People shouted and wept. My father for once was nonplussed, but he caught sight of Simpson in a box self-possessed and smileless, and a light broke in upon his dark- ness. I have been nursed on more knees than any other baby in America. While the men and women of my father's generation were yet alive, I would constantly meet elderly people, males and females, who would ex- claim: "Why, I nursed you on my knee when you were a baby!" Old Couldock, Mrs. Walcot, Joe Jefferson, Stoddart, William Warren, Mrs. Vincent I could name a thousand in public and private life whose knees had accommodated me. From knee to knee I would seem to have hopped as birds from bough to bough. I must have reposed upon as many bosoms as did Queen Eliza- beth on four-post beds. Whether I was nursed thus be- cause I was either beautiful or good, or because the last good Samaritan desired to hand me on rapidly to the next, history sayeth not. Perchance my mother, in her busy life at that time, had constantly to say to the bystanders, "Here! hold the baby!" while she ran to take up her cue at rehearsal; the infant would have to be controlled by an alien hand, while " Ride a cockhorse," and "Pat-a-cake, baker's man" may have been sung in my ear by many an unwilling nurse. It is not always that one may excite admiration con- cerning one's personal charms before one has entered i 7 8 MY REMEMBRANCES upon this stage of fools. Such, however, was my good fortune. I have a letter, written by my father from New Orleans, to his sister in England; it says: Lytton is the most strictly beautiful child you ever saw. Fan [my mother] is looking over my shoulder as I write and says: "Of course the baby will be the same." The baby was myself. On December 6, 1859, at 79 Bienville Street, New Orleans, the baby appeared. My father, careful to remember unimportant details, made a memorandum in a scrap-book of theatrical no- tices; among other notes, such as the sum due his land- lady, and the number and variety of articles of clothing in the wash, he had jotted down: "December 6, 1859, 4 A. M., 79 Bienville Street, New Orleans, boy born." One is apt to forget a thing like that; a baby may readily be mislaid, and it is always wise to make notes. While the event was still fresh in his memory, the de- lighted parent wrote with enthusiasm to his friend Cone, the father of Kate Claxton, whose brother gave me the letter: DEAR CONE: The long expected youth has at last arrived. The very first thing he did was to sneeze, so the least we can do is to call him Dundreary Sothern. At the time of my birth my father was a member of a stock company in New Orleans. It was shortly after the successful production of "Our American Cousin" at Laura Keene's Theatre in New York. This present enterprise was my father's venture, and the theatre was called for the occasion "Sothern's Varieties." Here a LORD DUNDREARY 179 large and varied repertoire was played, my mother doing her share of this work and even adapting a drama from the French, called in English "Suspense," which was a great success. Lawrence Barrett and John T. Raymond were members of the organization. I left New Orleans as a baby, and did not return until I was nineteen and a member of John McCullough's company. I sought out my birthplace, and discovered it with some difficulty, for the numbers of the houses had been changed; but at last I found the spot, a strange, foreign-seeming building constructed about a court- yard which was surrounded by galleries like an ancient English inn. The place was still a lodging-house; in- deed the woman who had kept it during my father's time was not long dead. I was able from description often repeated to locate the very rooms my father and mother occupied, and the room wherein I first made my entrance. The old Saint Charles Hotel was then in exis- tence the building of the war-times. I hied me with much interest to the barroom, for there was the scene of a tragedy whereof I had heard my father speak. In that large and rather gloomy hall, supported by columns, had been fought a duel between an actor named Harry Copeland and one Overall, a newspaper man. My father was present at this conflict and barely saved his life by jumping behind one of these same columns. While I was in New Orleans on this visit, an old lady gave me a small fawn-colored coat, very old-fashioned, with high collar, bell-shaped cuffs, pearl buttons as large as a half-dollar, much moth-eaten. On the small strap by which coats are hung was the name of Dion Boucicault. When "Our American Cousin" was first produced in New York, Boucicault had lent my father i8o MY REMEMBRANCES this coat to wear in his part; my father had given it to the husband of this woman as a keepsake, and here it was back again with me. When I reached home I looked into the ancient pockets and behold! there was a paper and written in my father's hand, some mem- oranda: Get "Peter Parley's Tales" for Lytton. Lent So-and-so twenty-five dollars; this makes forty- five he owes me. Fan's birthday. Have part copied. Pad for Kinchin and prompt-book of "Flowers of the Forest." Write to Polly (his sister). Name of baby Hugh Edward John Edwin Francis Askew also shoes. Hair-cut. Here certain sums in arithmetic, evidently profits and losses. Then comes the startling announcement: To-day the baby distinctly said "DASH IT!" This epoch-making remark of mine has escaped the eye of contemporaneous historians. It may appear a matter of no moment to the unobservant for one small babe to say "Dash it!" One's first observation does not carry the same significance as one's last. Whether "Dash it!" was a reminiscence or a criticism or an ex- pletive, whether spoken in the spirit of inquiry, rebuke, comment, contrition, or abuse, joy or grief or pleasure or regret, may not be known. That it was a statement worthy of record is established beyond a doubt. At E. A. SOTHERN AS THE KINCHIN IN THE FLOWERS OF THE FOREST" LORD DUNDREARY 181 that time it was an utterance of some consequence; the fate of nurseries depended on it. Evidently it was an event expected and prepared for. Had it not been for the accident of my meeting with the old lady who gave me the coat, this oration might never have been chronicled, and the first address of a distinguished citizen to his native city would have been buried in oblivion. Whether I was "dashing" the world, or the nurse, or life, or things in general, is not set down; that I even meant what I said is not now to be established. That I "dashed" something was evident. The dashed thing that was dashed must forever remain a mystery. XX ALL MIRTH AND NO MATTER THE difference between wit and humor has often been debated. "This fellow's wise enough to play the fool, and to do that well craves a kind of wit." Here wit and wisdom are synonymous. Says the Oxford dictionary of wit: "Intelligence, un- derstanding, power of giving sudden intellectual pleasure by unexpected combining or contrasting of previously un- connected ideas or expressions." Of humor: "State of mind, mood, jocose imagination, less intellectual and more sympathetic than wit." The practical joker comes under the category of wit, I fancy; yet there are practical jokes and practical jokes. It may be a practical joke to crush an old gentleman's hat over his eyes, but such an attack, though it may cause laughter, is hardly an exhibition of intelligence or understanding, nor can the pleasure excited in the on- looker be classed as intellectual. But a carefully pre- pared and elaborate series of events leading up to a comic predicament, such as my father perpetrated when Bryant's minstrel men impersonated the elite of New York, and by a "shoot-up" at a dinner-party drove an ingenuous Englishman to seek refuge under the table here one may beg to class ideas in action with wit. "The clown shall make those laugh whose lungs are tickled o* the sere," says Hamlet. This result may readily be achieved 182 ALL MIRTH AND NO MATTER 183 by blows from the bawble with the bladder usually at- tached thereto. The wit proceeds by finer methods; imagination, premeditation, and a distinct intellectual quality distinguish his inventions. I think, therefore, that my father's practical jokes for which, in his day, he was more or less famous proceeded from his wit. The macaroni of Sheridan's time, who upset the watch- men and buried them in their sentry-like boxes, who wrenched the knockers off doorways in the middle of the night, and ran their rapiers through peaceful pedestrians, were hardly witty. But Sheridan was a wit. When his creditor, the livery-stable keeper, called in his carriage to collect his heavy account, Sheridan, enter- taining him with wine and wit, not only persuaded him to forego payment, but borrowed a heavy sum from him, and then, having excused himself, drove away in the liveryman's carriage. When the liveryman, weary of waiting for his host's return, was told Mr. Sheridan had taken his vehicle, he cried: "Gone in my carriage!" To which the servant replied: "Mr. Sheridan never walks!" When the town heard this, the adventure was hailed as the exploit of wit. But there may have been some- thing of cruelty in it, since one speaks of the "victim" of a wit; while humor, depending more upon the grotesque and unexpected in the demeanor and utterance of the humorist, is perhaps devoid of that quality. The practical joke certainly presupposes a victim; somebody has to be put in a foolish and laughable situa- tion. Even a community may be made to look ridiculous. This occurred when my father, playing under the name of Mr. Douglas Stewart, then a member of Laura Keene's company in New York, put an advertisement in the paper 1 84 MY REMEMBRANCES and distributed hand-bills to the effect that Professor Cantellabiglie (can tell a big lie) would fly from the top of Trinity steeple at noon on a certain day in the year 1859. At the appointed hour the crush was so great that traffic was utterly disorganized; a riot seemed im- minent. A free fight for coigns of vantage took place in many localities. The police had the greatest difficulty in handling the huge crowds. At last some one while con- templating the name of the new Icarus discovered the joke. "Can tell a big lie !" he shouted. "It's a hoax I" A roar of rage, another of laughter succeeded. Then the town laughed at the town, and each man at his neighbor. The joker was not discovered for some days. When Mr. Douglas Stewart announced himself as the perpetrator of the joke, it was admitted that he had done well. I have met men in this year of 1914 who are still laugh- ing at Cantellabiglie. Any man who can provide such perennial amusement is a public benefactor. When I was at school in London in 1875, mv pastors and masters, like most other Englishmen, were per- suaded that one shot buffalo in Central Park, and that red Indians perambulated on Fifth Avenue, exchanging skins for beads, and occasionally shooting with poisoned arrows at offending citizens. One's scalp was supposed to be somewhat unsafe, and to breakfast without one's six-shooter by one's plate and one's bowie-knife in one's boot was to be branded as a reckless fellow. Mr. Phillip Lee, the husband of Miss Adelaide Neilson, was of these opinions. My father took pains to cultivate such views, and on his arrival in New York met Mr. Lee at the dock with a brass band, conducted him to the Gramercy Park From a photograph by Sarony EDWARD A. SOTHERN ABOUT 1875 ALL MIRTH AND NO MATTER 185 Hotel, discussed the buffalo hunt for the following day, which was to be accompanied by a band of Sioux Indians, and left his guest to dress himself for a great banquet which was to be given in his honor that same evening. To this occasion had been invited the most eminent men of the United States a great number of judges, colonels, major-generals, doctors, senators, professors, and so on. Mr. Lee, being a distinguished foreigner, was to be greeted by the elite of New York. As a matter of fact, my father had conspired with his friend, Dan Bryant, the celebrated minstrel man, who arrived at the appointed hour, accompanied by about thirty of his comedians, attired in more or less aristo- cratic if somewhat outre costume. My father had pre- pared Lee for the primitive manners of the uncouth Amer- ican; but he was somewhat taken aback at a certain freedom of expression, and became ill at ease when each guest, as he took his place at the dinner-table, placed a six-shooter of great size by his plate. "It is nothing," whispered my father to his guest of honor; "merely custom; very touchy, these people; great sense of honor; let us hope there will be no bloodshed." This humane desire was dashed, however, when, grace having been said, Dan Bryant drank his soup from the plate and demanded a second helping. A guest on the opposite side of the table laughed. Mr. Bryant requested to know what caused the amusement of his honorable friend, Judge Morton. A short colloquy followed which culminated in the Honorable Mr. Bryant shooting across the table at the Honorable Mr. Morton, and that agile gentleman jumping on to the table, bowie-knife in hand, loudly avowing his intention of cutting the heart out of the Honorable Mr. Bryant. 186 MY REMEMBRANCES Friends adjusted this initial difficulty; explanations were in order, hands were shaken, drinks were taken, apologies to the guest of the evening were made, and the fish was served. Some one made a remark about some one else being "a queer fish." "A reflection on our host!" cried a major-general, "the fish is first rate!" "You lie!" remarked a distinguished senator. Panic ensued. A fight with bowie-knives at once took everybody from the table. Up and down the room strug- gled the combatants; now the knives were in the air, visible above the heads of the crowd; now they were apparently plunged into the bodies of the honorable major-general and the honorable senator. Shrieks, curses, demands for fair play shook the chandeliers. At last the honorable senator was slain; his body was taken into the adjoining room, the door closed, the banquet resumed. Lee was in a highly excited state and suggested the police. "No, no!" said several honorable gentlemen, senators, judges, and professors, "we always settle these matters among ourselves. The coroner is a friend of ours; he invariably attends after any important gathering." The dinner proceeded. Speeches of welcome to Mr. Lee, the distinguished guest, were in order. Replies by my father and Lee were offered amidst great applause and laughter. Lee especially was acclaimed; every word he said was the signal for shouts of appreciation. The conspirators were waiting for a cue to cap the excite- ment of the night. Lee provided it when he said, with a desire to conciliate everybody and appease the war- ring factions: "I was born in England, my mother was Irish and my father was Scotch. As an Englishman, ALL MIRTH AND NO MATTER 187 I salute you ! as a Scotchman, I greet you ! as an Irish- man, I cry, 'Erin go bragh !' 3 "He means me!" cried a senator, bringing a bowie- knife from the back of his neck. Like a flash a bullet from a doctor of divinity laid him low. A dozen shots rang out. Some one gave a signal, and the lights were extinguished. A general battle ensued amid such a turmoil that chaos seemed come again; the table-cloth was pulled from the table with a crash of glass and crock- ery. A great banging at doors added to the din. Cries of "Murder!" "Kill him!" "Knife him!" rent the air. When the gas was lit at last and silence was restored, the floor was strewn with victims. Lee was nowhere to be seen. Search revealed him hiding under the table, his teeth chattering, his hair on end, and terror in his eye. He was extricated. The dead men arose and hoped he had not been disturbed by the slight misunderstand- ing. Law and order was restored, and, amid much good feeling, the buffalo hunt was arranged for the following morning. The practical joker's day is past. He began to fade with the doings of Theodore Hook; my father was about the last of his race, as Count D'Orsay was the last of the dandies. Times are changed, but there are men alive still who remember Cantellabiglie and the dinner to Phil Lee, and who yet laugh as they remember. Many and many a man has introduced himself to me and shown me kindness in recollection of these adventures, which surely left a gentle thought of their perpetrator. When I was once very much in need in New York, a man who had been one of the victims of the Cantell- abiglie hoax insisted that I should live on credit in his i88 MY REMEMBRANCES boarding-house and that I should not worry about my bill at his restaurant. More than that, seeing that ready cash was a scarce commodity with me, he one day thrust some bills into my hand for my father's sake. "He used to make me laugh/' said he, and tears were in his eyes. Once when I was on tour in a one-night stand, some of my company and I sought supper after the play was over. No restaurant was open, but a friendly police- man assured us that if he could induce a certain German grocer to open his store we might get some bread and cheese and sardines. The prospect was delicious to hungry wayfarers. We knocked at the grocer's door. Shortly, a head appeared at the window. The owner of the head at first refused to accommodate us, but promises of gold melted his resolve, and shortly a very ill-tempered German let us in. He lighted a lamp and, seated on kegs and a bench, we began to munch our cheese and crackers and to drink cider. One of my com- pany, Herbert Archer, addressed me by name. "What's that you say?" said the grocer, pausing in the act of opening sardines. "What name was that?" "Sothern," said I, "my name." "What Sothern?" said the cheesemonger, "not Soth- ern the actor?" "Yes," said I. He put down his sardines with deliberation, came over to me and placed a hand on each shoulder. "Your father? "said he. "Yes," said I. "Are you the son of old Dundreary Sothern?" said the grocerman. "Yes," said I. from the collection of Robert Coster, Esq. LAURA K.EENE AS FLORENCE TRENCHARD ALL MIRTH AND NO MATTER 189 "My dear!" cried the affectionate Teuton, and threw his arms about me. He called lustily to his wife: "Gret- chen," he cried, "come here!" A big woman appeared, angry at being waked up at an unholy hour. "Come here!" cried her lord. "This is the son of old Dundreary Sothern ! You recall ? When we was young peoples: 'Birds of a feather gather no moss' remember?" The big woman burst into loud laughter. "'No bird would be such a damned fool as to go into a corner and flock by himself/" said she, and they both shook with laughter. We all laughed. What a change was there ! She rummaged her kitchen; she cooked things; her hus- band laid a table. He produced bacon, eggs, sausages, fruit, wine, beer, cigars. For us, had come across the seas produce from foreign lands; for us, China, Japan, the Indies, East and West, had sent forth their argosies; his shop was ours. Now there are, no doubt, a thousand grocers who have the same loving remembrance, and, since grocers are not the only theatregoers, nor do members of that calling survive to the extinction of tallow-chandlers, butchers, and bakers, and tinkers, and tailors, this in- cident persuades me that a large part of the community recalls the services of Dundreary Sothern with the same kindliness; for it was out of the fulness of his heart that this cheesemonger embraced me and, although he was unshaved and redolent of lamp-oil, cheese, sardines, externally, and of onions, tobacco, and beer internally, my soul responded to his hugs, and I thought to myself that the memories awakened in his large bosom and the no less extensive breast of his spouse by the mention of 190 MY REMEMBRANCES my father's name were not unworthy, and that there was much of the sunlight and the joy of running waters in the heart of the man who had inspired them. It is something in a work-a-day world to make laughter re-echo through the years. "This is a practise as full of labor as a wise man's art." XXI NO SONG, NO SUPPER I HAVE always envied those people who have the courage and the ability to recite. I never could bring myself to do it. The immediate contact with an au- dience disconcerts me. When the handsome leading man has walked on at a benefit, and has held forth with the "Charge of the Light Brigade," it has looked so easy and has been so victorious that I have hated my- self for not being able to do likewise. However, I can't, so there's an end. The deficiency is inherited. My father never could or would recite; he had a sort of con- stitutional aversion to doing so. Perhaps he fancied people looked funny when reciting; he certainly took a fiendish pleasure in disconcerting reciters. I remember once attending a benefit performance with him and Edwin Adams when John McCullough was to recite. He was billed to declaim a favorite poem of his, " Flynn of Virginia." They say he was quite wonderful at it. On this occasion, my father and Adams selected seats in the middle of the front row of the orchestra, and quite upset the proceedings. The recitation begins with the words, "You knew Flynn, Flynn of Virginia?" Mr. McCullough came on and was greeted with great applause. He made an impressive pause and began: "You knew Flynn, Flynn of Virginia ?" Ned Adams and my father stood up and, looking steadily at McCullough, solemnly shook their heads, as who should say, "No, we never heard of him"; then they solemnly sat down again. 191 I 9 2 MY REMEMBRANCES McCullough was disconcerted but went to it again. "You knew Flynn, Flynn of Virginia?" said he. Again the two solemn figures arose, shook their heads sadly and reseated themselves. This occurred three or four times, each time McCullough finding it more impossible to control his laughter, until at last he could do so no longer, and went off the stage hysterical. While my father was playing Tom Robertson's comedy of " David Garrick " in London during his first great suc- cess in England, he made an engagement that when his tour should open at a certain provincial town he would attend a supper to be given by a militia regiment. The occasion arrived, and the supper was a most elaborate affair. The colonel of the regiment was a man my father knew quite well in London. The dinner was good, the fun fast and furious, and when the feast was over stories and recitations were in order. Local talent distinguished itself. Great was the applause and enthusiasm, and as the night wore on the heavily laden table, on which shone the regimental glass and silver, rattled again and again with the appreciation of the crowd. At last my father was called upon for a recitation. He protested that he never had been able to recite; explained his actual in- ability to do so, that he never had done such a thing, and knew nothing to recite. No one seemed to believe him. Shouts of "Oh, you must!" "Come on, now!" and much uproar and persistence ensued. Again and again my father declared he would if he could, but that he was utterly unable to oblige his hosts. He professed his sincere wish to do anything to add to the entertain- ment of the night, but regretted that he had this peculiar incapacity. Men gradually became emphatic, and more or less ungracious remarks could be heard among the From a photograph by Sarony in the collection of Evert Jansen Wendell, Esq. EDWARD A. SOTHERN AS DAVID GARRICK NO SONG, NO SUPPER 193 din, some unruly spirits rather rudely declaring their re- sentment and disgust. The situation became quite em- barrassing and distasteful. At last a climax was reached when one man, more flushed and uproarious than the rest, cried out: "Oh, come, I say, you must pay for your supper !" My father got up with sudden resolve. Said he: "All right, I'll pay." Much acclaim followed, although the colonel and some others seemed to deprecate the general attitude. Said my father: "I'll pay for my supper, but," he continued, "I can't recite in the usual way; all I can do is to give a scene from one of my plays." "Good!" "That'll do!" "First-rate!" sang out the voices. "I'll give you the drunken scene in ' David Garrick/" said my father; "but I must tell you that I can't be re- sponsible when I am acting; I get carried away completely and anything may happen. You may remember," he went on, "that Garrick comes to the house of a common, ill-bred, vulgar city man, where he meets a crowd of com- mon, ill-bred, vulgar guests; they cry out to him to act, and he does act, indeed, but not as they anticipate. He pretends to be drunk in order to disgust the heroine, who has fallen in love with his playing. He does disgust her. She is broken-hearted to think that this drunken fellow is the man who has enchanted her with his performance of Hamlet, and Lear, and Macbeth. He is broken- hearted that he has had to do what he has done shatter her idol, himself. He is about to leave the room when the common, ill-bred, vulgar crowd cry: 'Turn him out!' ' Kick him out ! ' Then he turns on them in fury like this, as I do now," and my father turned, as indeed he i 9 4 MY REMEMBRANCES does in the play, and the lines of Coriolanus which Gar- rick speaks in the scene came from his lips red-hot. Cried he: You common cry of curs! whose breath I hate As reek of the rotten fens, whose loves I prize As the dead carcasses of unburied men That do corrupt my air I I banish you ! And here remain with your uncertainty 1 Let every feeble rumor shake your hearts ! Your enemies with nodding of their plumes Fan you into despair ! Despising, For you, the city. Thus I turn my back, There is a world elsewhere. Here the business of the play is that Garrick seizes the curtains of the opening in the centre of the stage, tears them down in his frenzy, and wraps them around him as he rushes out. When my father had delivered the speech with great force, he seized the corner of the table-cloth and wrapped it about his body as he twisted round and round on his way to the door. Crash came all the plate and glass and silver from the table. All the men jumped to their feet, as with his final words my father rushed from the room. There was a pause, breathless; then he returned. "Dear me !" said he, "what a mess ! I fear I was carried away. I was afraid it would be so, but one must pay for one's supper." It is needless to say that this incident was not acclaimed with transports of delight. Never had that scene been played to so unresponsive an audience. The colonel conducted my father to his carriage and assured him that he had taught the younger men a lesson NO SONG, NO SUPPER 195 they were not likely to forget. Subsequently this same colonel, and indeed many of the others present, became my father's fast friends. The matter, however, was made public, and my father was not asked to recite again. To recite requires a peculiar kind of audacity. A great many persons possess this temerity who are quite incapable of acting in the sense of impersonating. The ability to read is different and apart from the quality necessary for acting. I have seen excellent readers fail utterly as actors; equally there are good actors who do not read well. The reciters are usually rather severe critics of acting, and know just how the job ought to be done. My father was a most generous and kindly critic, who would take infinite pains to assist and instruct beginners. In my own case, however, he began by being most severe. It was in this same play of "David Garrick" that I had my first lesson in acting with him. I had to impersonate the servant who announces the guests at the house of Simon Ingot, the old merchant. I had to precede each guest on to the stage, stand in the centre of the doors at the back, and cry in a loud voice: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith.'* "Mr. Jones." "Miss Araminta Brown," and so on. At the first rehearsal I said: "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" in a bashful and very self-conscious manner. My father told me to speak louder. I tried again, but was more nervous and conscious than before. "It won't do at all," said my father, who had done his utmost to dissuade me from entering on the career of acting. "I will go to the back of the auditorium and you must shout it at me like this," and he showed me how the announcement should be delivered. By this time all the company were observing me with looks of mingled pity and contempt, I thought. I tried several times to 196 MY REMEMBRANCES cry "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," knowing quite well that it was all wrong, and quite annihilated to discover that so simple a duty was fraught with so much danger and diffi- culty. My father, distinctly impatient now, called loud directions from the back of the theatre. But it was use- less, I became worse and worse. Then he came forward to the centre of the house and said: "It's no use; you'd better give up the stage." As I had not yet entered upon my coveted career, this advice seemed premature, and for that day I retired crestfallen and defeated. Shortly, while I was contem- plating suicide in the dressing-room next to my father's, I heard him discussing the incident with his manager, Horace Wall. "No," said Wall, "he won't do. Eddy has not the mouth for an orator." I looked in the looking-glass at my mouth. It did seem rather weak and small, and I wondered if it could be al- tered, as I understood from advertisements that they altered people's noses. But these reflections brought neither comfort nor encouragement. However I labored over the announcements, and was heard when the time came to speak them. Long afterward in Greenock, a seaport in Scotland, I was to portray Squire Chivey in this same comedy when my brother Lytton played David Garrick. I went into a barber's shop to get my hair cut. In the next chair to me was a seafaring man who resembled a pirate from the Spanish Main. He had the olive complexion of the story-books, earrings in his ears, a reckless air, and one suspected stilettos and pistols all over him. He ad- dressed me and a conversation ensued. He announced his intention of visiting the theatre, and I incautiously mentioned that I was acting in the play. NO SONG, NO SUPPER 197 "Ha, ha!" cried the pirate. "What do you play?" I told him. "I will be there," said he, "and cry 'Bravo ! Bravissimo!" He departed and I shortly forgot his existence. When I came on at night, however, I beheld the sea-rover rise in his place and bring his great hands together like claps of thunder. "Bravo! Bravissimo!" yelled he. Neither my position nor my part demanded enthusiasm, and there was a general "Hush!" "Sit down!" "Turn him out!" from the audience. "Bravo! Bravissimo!" howled my friend of the bar- bershop. "Shut up!" came from the gallery. Two ushers approached and whispered counsel into the earringed ears. "Abaft there!" cried the pirate. "Bravo! Bravis- simo!" Our manager intervened. Many men arose, a gen- eral murmur of "Drunk!" "Kick him out!" "Turn him out!" came from all parts of the house. A police- man floated down the aisle and seized my admirer. A free fight ensued, all the arts of marine warfare came into play against these land forces. Twenty men joined in the fray. "Bravo ! Bravissimo !" yelled my friend as he emerged victorious for a moment, only to be submerged again. Conquered, overwhelmed by numbers, he was dragged away, and in the far distance I still heard him cry: "Bravo! Bravissimo!" I have never, alas! evoked such enthusiasm since. Many tender memories cluster about this play of "David Garrick." I remember my father's preparations for the very first performance: the constant care with which he approached each and i 9 8 MY REMEMBRANCES every representation of this character; the loving labor he expended on every detail; his extreme anxiety on first nights in new cities lest he should fall by chance below his own high standard. As a child I recall how puzzled I was when he had shaved off his heavy mus- tache to fit the fashion of the time. I now possess the sketch for his make-up executed by W. P. Frith, the Royal Academician, and the shoe-buckles which be- longed to the real David Garrick, and which my father always wore. The simplicity, pathos, and repose of his portrayal made a strong impression upon me as a child. The superb art of it has become manifest to me in the light of my own endeavors of after years. One of the chiefest joys of the craftsman is to learn to see with clear eyes the masters of his craft. XXII "THE CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN " ONE night during the summer of 1875, in company with my father and his manager, Horace Wall, I at- tended the walking contest at the old Madison Square Garden. Edward Payson Weston was the attraction, and a great crowd cheered him on. My father was shortly to produce Henry J. Byron's comedy, "The Prompter's Box," which he had rechristened, "The Crushed Tragedian." The type of old actor he wished to portray he was well acquainted with, for he had en- countered many such a quaint genius during his early experiences in England. He had not, however, de- termined on the exact make-up for his part, and his mind was busy trying to reduce the features and the peculiarities of his various models to a single type a sort of composite picture. Suddenly, on this evening, he stopped short in his talk with Horace Wall and said: "Look, there is the crushed tragedian." "Where?" said Wall. My father pointed to a man twenty feet away. "It is Fitzaltamont himself," said he. "That is the Count Johannes," replied Wall, and he proceeded to explain that Johannes, who was truly no count but one plain unvarnished Jones, had of late exploited himself in Shakespeare's tragedies to the vast delight of persons given to the hurling of missiles, and that it was the custom of the "count" to perform behind 199 200 MY REMEMBRANCES a huge net which was stretched between himself and his admirers so that their hysterical tributes of eggs, potatoes, and other edibles might be received (if in discussing the conflict between genius and enthusiasm one may employ the language of the ring) without Hamlet's melancholy being enhanced by a black eye, Othello's revenge impeded by the tapping of his claret, or Macbeth's apostrophe to the bloody dagger interrupted by a blow on the bread- basket. Then and there my father decided that here was the very type for which he had been seeking. We followed Count Johannes about the Garden for an hour, my father noting his manner, his gesture, his poses. So well did he absorb the man-of-title's peculiar graces that, when a few months later "The Crushed Tragedian" had won the favor of the town, that nobleman became so incensed at the portraiture that, to my father's great delight and the mirth of the community, he instituted an action for libel. Meanwhile, having, so to speak, anchored his type on this visit to the Garden, my father next gave his attention to the matter of costume. During the early part of the play De Lacy Fitzalta- mont is a very seedy individual indeed, and it was nec- essary to provide garments which should indicate his condition. My father was considering this matter when one day he walked across Madison Square with Mr. Wall. The benches were, as usual, tenanted by many a woebegone fellow at odds with fortune. One man especially attracted my father's attention, for he was walking up and down rather rapidly within a very small space. The weather was hot and movement to be avoided, yet this man, like a caged thing, paced back and forth. "THE CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN" 201 "That's the very suit of clothes I want," said my father to Wall. "You must start a conversation with that man and get those things coat, vest, trousers, hat, neck-cloth, shoes, everything! Buy him an en- tirely new outfit, and have those things sent to me," and he passed on, leaving Wall to his novel task. "Hot, isn't it?" said Wall to the stranger. The man paused in his walk and gazed at Wall. " Do you believe in God ? " said he. This was unexpected. "Oh, yes, certainly!" said Wall, a trifle disconcerted. "Have a cigar?" and he proffered one to the man. "No, no!" said the shabby one, and he laid his hand on Wall's shoulder. "No, no! Tell me," said he, "do you think I shall be saved ?" "Why shouldn't you be?" said Wall. "Why should I be?" said the man. "But there are many mansions, many mansions." "Let us sit down and talk it over," said Wall. "No, no!" said the man. "I'm an old soldier." "Well, even so," said Wall. "You sit down occa- sionally, don't you ? " "Never in face of the foe," said the man. Wall began to feel uneasy. "What foe?" said he. "The devil and all his works," said the man. "I tell you what it is," said Wall, "we'd better get something to eat." "They shall eat their bread with carefulness, and drink their water with astonishment," said the man. "How would you like a new suit of clothes?" said Wall, feeling that he had better get at the heart of the matter. 202 MY REMEMBRANCES Said the man: "I clothed thee also with broidered work, and shod thee with badger's skin, and I girded thee about with fine linen, and I covered thee with silk/' "Well hardly that," said Wall. "I mean just a plain, nice, new suit of clothes." Said the man: "I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands and a chain on thy neck." "That is not quite what I mean," said Wall. "The fact is " "And I put a jewel on thy forehead and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head," said the man. Wall perceived that he was dealing with a being dis- tracted. But his experience assured him that a five- dollar bill was an excellent argument, so he produced one and offered it to his new acquaintance. The stranger tore the bill in two, flung it in the air and cried: "Neither their silver nor their gold shall be able to deliver them in the day of the Lord's wrath." The weary derelicts of the surrounding benches began to sit up and listen. A number of children approached curiously. "What shall I do to be saved ?" said the man. "I advise you to eat a large plate of clam chowder," said Wall, and taking his new friend by the arm he gen- tly urged him toward Fourth Avenue. Without more words they reached the Ashland House where Wall resided. Here they entered the barber- shop. "Good afternoon," said the head barber. "What shall I do to be saved?" said the wayfarer. E. A. SOTHERN AS THE CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN "THE CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN" 203 "He'll take a bath," said Wall. "Cleanliness is next to godliness," said he to the man. "Then there is hope," said the man. "In soap," said Wall. With the aid of the colored bootblack the distracted one disrobed and was soon in hot water a condition wherewith he was sadly familiar, but an element to which he had long been a stranger. "Clothes brushed? Shoes shined?" said the colored boy. " Certainly," said Wall. "Take the gentleman's ward- robe." The various tattered garments were gathered together and, under Wall's instructions, carefully placed in seclu- sion. Then, as swiftly as his somewhat large bulk would permit, Wall hied him to a ready-made clothier, where he purchased an entire outfit for the man in the tub. The hot water had had a soothing effect upon that eccentric stranger, for the colored boy reported that he had been singing softly to himself. Shortly he called for salvation, and the colored boy and Wall assisted him to dry and to dress. He emerged quite unconscious of his changed attire, and approaching the head barber remarked: "What shall I do to be saved ?" "Shave," said that artist. "Shave and hair-cut!" "That's right," said Wall, "fix him up." Quite unresisting, the stranger was placed in the chair, and singing softly angelic music he was scraped and cropped and polished, and at length arose a cleaner and evidently a wiser man, for he now said to Wall: "I'm hungry." "Good!" said that philanthropist, and led the way to 204 MY REMEMBRANCES the restaurant. Here he plied his guest with excellent fare, meanwhile keeping up a cheerful chatter. The late tatterdemalion, who now looked like a pros- perous business man, well-dressed, well-groomed, well- mannered, and, indeed, well-spoken, evinced a fine appetite. He made few remarks, but Wall observed that the more he ate the saner he seemed to become. A little while and his eyes began to close; shortly he was fast asleep. "Put him to bed," said Wall, and the fortunate waif was half-led half-carried to a bed-chamber. There, for a day and a night, he slept, and when Wall next en- countered him he was a sane man. For two days Wall took care of him, and then with a present of money sent him on his way. "This is a loan," said the man. "I will pay this back." "Don't think of it," said Wall. "I have your clothes, you know. They are worth the money." "You're a queer fellow," said the stranger, "a very queer fellow. I have thought sometimes that you are a little mad." Two years after this adventure Wall was taking the tickets at the entrance of McVicker's Theatre in Chicago. A man approached with a gayly dressed party and pre- sented tickets for a box. As Wall reached for the tickets his eyes met those of the man. "What shall I do to be saved?" said Wall. "I advise you to eat some clam-chowder," said the man. "Then, there is hope?" said Wall.' "In soap," said the man. "Here's the money you lent me," said the man. "THE CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN" 205 "You'll find the suit of clothes on the stage," said Wall. The man looked puzzled, but he entered with his party. After the first act he came out. Said he to Wall: "Soth- ern's wearing my clothes in this play." "Certainly he is," said Wall, and then he told the whole story. Then the man added a prologue, and an epilogue most marvellous. Want had driven him to the verge of in- sanity. He had but the faintest recollection of his first meeting with Wall. His first clear remembrance of that adventure was of waking up in a clean bed in the Ash- land House after many nights spent on park benches. Then for the first time he wondered to see himself ar- rayed in new and strange garments. In a sort of dream he accepted all that happened, even to the moment when he finally parted from Wall. Then he had taken a walk to think the thing out, but found no solution save in Wall being some kind of an angel. He had answered an advertisement, and had secured work chiefly, he de- clared, on account of his clothes, for his discarded rags had barred him from most employment. He had pros- pered, had settled in Chicago, and was now well on the way to fortune. "Then you are not a philanthropist, after all?" said the man. "I'm afraid not," said Wall. "Nor a good angel." "I weigh two hundred pounds," said Wall. "Do you mean to tell me," said the man, "that I owe my regeneration entirely to the fact that you wanted those old rags of mine?" "I must confess that is the fact," said Wall. 206 MY REMEMBRANCES "If you had not wanted them I should now be in a padded cell," said the man. "You were certainly a bit flighty," admitted Wall. "We are the playthings of the gods," said the man as he returned to his seat in the theatre. After the play he was presented to my father who in- quired with much sympathy concerning his fortunes in the hope of being of some further assistance. "You are very kind," said the man. "I am much touched by your interest. Perhaps," said he, fingering those ragged garments which had once been his and which were now hanging on the wall of the dressing- room, "perhaps you, too, have known poverty?" "I have stood in your shoes," said my father. PART IV MYSELF XXIII MONSIEUR LA TAPPY "No, gentleman!" would say Monsieur La Tappy when he disagreed with me, meaning "No, sir," trans- lating literally, for Monsieur La Tappy was my French tutor. "No, gentleman!" cried Monsieur La Tappy on this particular occasion. "Pour moi il n'y a pas de dieu." I was a boy of fourteen; for me there was very much of a God. I was still fresh from school and green in religious observances. I could, however, quite sym- pathize with Monsieur La Tappy's doubts, or rather convictions. Fate had dealt him some fearful blows. The events of 1870 had ruined him. A refugee, he had fled from France with his young wife and a son and daughter, penniless. He had taught French and music for a living. He was now about fifty years of age, worn to a shadow, thin as a skeleton, want and ill health prey- ing on his vitals; but whenever he came to give me my lesson, he would assume a gayety that was pitiful, throw- ing off the wretchedness that was gnawing forever at his heart and plunging into the brightest and most rapid of conversation. I was attending a school of painting at this time Heatherly's, in Newman Street, London, formerly Leigh's Academy, a famous institution for those who wished to send drawings of the antique for admission to the Royal Academy schools. It was my custom to attend Heath- erly's each day from nine until four; then I would go to 209 210 MY REMEMBRANCES a room I had rented off Golden Square, the haunt of wandering minstrels, pathetic ballad-singers, and dilapi- dated fiddlers. Indeed, I held out in a musical neigh- borhood, for in the room below me had lived until lately a long-haired fiddler who would have delighted the heart of old King Cole himself. London had proved for him a hard mistress, and he had faded away into a better world. Every afternoon Monsieur La Tappy would come and talk French with me we merely talked, on any subject to the accompaniment of sweet music from my friend the violinist or the street singers. We would have tea and such confections as my mother would send me from her home in Kensington, for I did not live in this room our home was too far away, and I had this place as a sort of modest studio and for the purpose of these conversations. In the evening I attended the life class at Heatherly's from six to eight, and then went back to Kensington. On three mornings of each week, however, I studied water-color with Mr. John O'Connor, who, until recently, had been the scene-painter of the Haymarket Theatre. I began operations with O'Con- nor on the paint-frame. He was preparing the scenery for Adelaide Neilson's performance of "Twelfth Night." A strange and fascinating world I was introduced to, and some strange and fascinating people did I meet. O'Connor himself was a most nervous and enthusiastic fellow, who worked like a horse. Anybody who thinks scene-painting is easy labor is vastly mistaken; the mere physical strain is tremendous, the requisite skill and in- vention endless. The rewards are not great, and the work itself, exquisite as much of it is, passes as the winds that blow. No wonder, thought I, that O'Connor wants to give this up and confine himself to painting pictures W o z w BJ O w ._ K * MONSIEUR LA TAPPY 211 in his own studio. This he shortly did, and with him went I to Abercorn Place, Saint John's Wood. Shortly we took a trip to Spain, where O'Connor made a great number of drawings, and I tried to do likewise. It was all delightful. I endeavored to be useful with my French, but it halted somewhat, and O'Connor would become im- patient and yell at the natives in English. He declared that if one only shouted loud enough and made plenty of gesture, all foreigners would understand. La Tappy was familiar with paintings, ancient and modern; with literature, French and English, and with the drama; so our talks were instructive. He had travelled a great deal, and my Spanish trip provided material for many a conversation. La Tappy painted a bit, and could take interest in my efforts in that direction. He taught the piano, but his poor fingers were so swollen with chilblains the fruit of the severe English climate that he was forever exercising his fingers to keep them limber and in working order. "II faut jouer mon piano," he would say, playing five-finger exercises in the air while he talked gayly on some subject or another. He had a strange habit of suddenly shutting his eyes very tight, and then opening them very wide. I think it was be- cause he was tired. It was a spasmodic action that was half-comic, half-startling. He wore long side-whiskers, but no mustache. His clothes were quite threadbare. La Tappy always seemed cold. I used to observe him approaching my abode; usually it was raining. He would appear at the end of the street with his umbrella. He used to walk from one lesson to another, to save bus fare; the man was abjectly poor, but proud. Frequently I would try to persuade him to share the sort of picnic meal I would have. Not a bit of it; a cup of tea, no 212 MY REMEMBRANCES more, and I knew he was hungry. When he got to my door, he would pull himself together, throw his shoulders back, actually run up the stairs and knock with much briskness on the door. Off, in a flash, his coat; down, with a dash, his hat; gay as could be was he, smacking his hands, volatile as a glass of champagne. Then would ensue a lively conversation. La Tappy you see was doing his duty; this was a lesson. My heart ached sometimes, for I knew that his was heavy; only now and then would he allow the mask to fall away, and then for a moment his face was really one of agony. The lesson over, he would fling out of the room and skip down the stairs, singing or whistling. Once in the street, I would see his shoulders drop and his soul droop. "Pour moi il n'y a pas de dieu!" Indeed, God-forsaken did he look. One day it was raining dogs and cats, and I was late getting to my room. It was foggy, too; a yellow, beastly fog. La Tappy was always on time to the instant. The woman who looked after the house always made my fire at four o'clock and put a kettle on to boil; I made my own tea. I felt sure La Tappy would be waiting, and I had hurried through the wet street. As I opened the hall door the interior of the ancient house was sombre and mysterious in the gloom of a London afternoon. As I passed in the darkness my lost musician's door, in imagination I seemed to hear him still wooing his violin. I felt my way to my own room quite unable to divest my mind of the accustomed strains. The music seemed to keep time to the dripping of the rain. My room was empty. I threw myself into a chair. The theme of the musician haunted me; my brain echoed it, my heart beat to it, my lips murmured it. Was he trying to reach MONSIEUR LA TAPPY 213 me from some remote sphere? Was he was he? I must have slept. There was La Tappy ! with his back to me looking out at the window. As he turned I felt a curious shiver go through me. I took off my coat which was wet (why had I kept it on all this while ?) and greeting La Tappy I went to the fire. I busied myself with the tea, and La Tappy began to work his fingers in the air, saying: "Je joue mon piano." I laughed and we talked as usual about all sorts of mat- ters. When I was at a loss for a word he would supply it, and if I did not understand what he said he would repeat the word slowly until I did understand, or he would tell me what the strange word meant. He was in his usual gay spirits; he drank his tea with relish. I was, myself, especially talkative. A funny thing had happened at Heatherly's. I had been a very silent stu- dent during the months I had been there, and had made few acquaintances; those around me were all voluble fellows, but I had kept very much to myself, really more from shyness than from churlishness. My easel was next to a stove which was in the middle of the room. It was my habit, of which I was unconscious, I think, to rest my left hand on this stove occasionally while I was using the crayon with my right. This day a fire had been lighted in the stove. I placed my easel and at once rested my hand on the stove, and let out a most pro- nounced "Damn !" This was the first word I had spoken in that school, and was the means of making me many friends instantly. I told this incident to La Tappy. He laughed gayly; he made that curious action of shutting his eyes tight and then opening them widely; he played his five-finger exercises in the air; he drank his tea. We talked of Spain: of the Alhambra Palace, which I had so 214 MY REMEMBRANCES recently visited ; of moonlight in the Court of the Lions, where a pretty Spanish lady had played on the guitar and had sung. La Tappy had been there, had sung there on that very spot. We talked of the processions through the streets. I told him about a murder I had witnessed as I sat on a bridge over the Duero sketching. Some students, in those curious Spanish cloaks lined with red, had come out of a wine-shop. There had been a vast amount of talk and gesticulation; a man suddenly lifted his arm and struck; another man ran past me and fell on the farther side of the bridge. O'Connor and I ran and caught him, and held his head. It was the law that those persons found near a wounded or dead man should be arrested. All other people stood aloof and tried to explain this to us. O'Connor shouted in English; I appealed in French. We were arrested by two men in cocked hats and hauled off to jail. The wounded man bled to death. It was a great adventure. The fog and rain without and the fire within, and the good things my mother had sent me to eat all helped to make my narrative lively; the time passed quickly. At length Monsieur La Tappy rose to go. He was working his poor hands, again he closed his eyes with that curi- ous suddenness and opened them widely. I helped him on with his coat, still chatting. I had been so busy with my anecdote that I had not noticed it before, but it now seemed to me that he was not so gay as usual; the mask seemed a bit awry. It was his custom when handling anything to speak its name in French. As I gave him his coat he said, "Mon surtout"; on receiving his poor, faded slouch-hat he said, "Mon chapeau"; then came the umbrella, and "Mon parapluie." "Ah," said I gayly, "don't leave that behind, no, MONSIEUR LA TAPPY 215 gentleman!" and I burlesqued his way of saying: "No, sir." Then I completed the phrase, "Pour moi il n'y a pas de dieu." La Tappy had his hand on the door. He turned to me. I fell back in fear. His face was livid; in the dim room his eyes shone like two dull coals. For a second he looked at me, then he raised his right hand above his head and pointed upwards; he tried to speak but no sound came; he seemed to fade through the door. I rubbed my eyes had I been dreaming ? I was so af- fected that for a moment I stood still; I feared that I had somehow offended him by, so foolishly, burlesquing his words. I ran to the door; there was no sign of him. To the window; it was now 5.30, and as black as ink. I made up my mind to follow him and say I was sorry. I put on my hat and coat, and opened the door of my room. A man met me in the doorway. "I am Monsieur La Tappy's son," said he. "My father had an appointment with you at four, but I have come to tell you he can't be here; he died at three o'clock." "He has been here!" said I. "No. He is dead." "But he has only left me a moment since." "Impossible! He is at home dead on his bed." I could hardly speak: "He died suddenly? He said nothing?" "He died suddenly, and he spoke one word: 'Par- don.' " XXIV I CHOOSE A PROFESSION THE mind's eye blinks a bit when it contemplates my Lord Dundreary in the pulpit. The church, how- ever, was my father's original destination. My grand- father, a very conservative merchant of Liverpool, had set his heart on his son's entrance into holy orders. In- deed, my father studied diligently to that end; but nature rebelled and he compromised later on by taking up the study of medicine. This he pursued for some time, even going so far as to enter the hospital of Saint Bartholomew in London. However, he abandoned the temple of ^Esculapius and suddenly went on the stage; so much to the horror of his father that he was obliged to shift for himself for many years, and underwent such labor and disappointment that, after ten years of acting, he seriously considered abandoning the theatre and re- turning .to ' commercial life, the church and the consult- ing-room being now out of the question. Owing to these hard experiences, my father was most eager that his sons should seek less thorny paths. But, on the other hand, he determined to allow our natural inclinations to have full sway, for he remembered how he had rebelled at the authority which compelled him to labor at two callings which were distasteful to him. During the later years of his life, I saw my father seldom, for he was usually playing in America while I was at school in England. Whenever I did see him, how- 216 I CHOOSE A PROFESSION 217 ever, this question as to what I was to be was always broached. Quite suddenly and unexpectedly my father would say: "Well, what are you going to be? This is very important and must be settled before you are much older. You must make up your mind about it at once." As a matter of fact, I had the vaguest idea of what I wanted to be, since no profession had been chosen for me for the theatre was tabooed as being a hard, pre- carious, and impossible field for stupid people, of which it was admitted I was one. I was greatly disconcerted when these attacks were levelled at me. Once I had wished to be a red Indian, later a sailor; by and by, being a very nervous, shy child, I had wished to have the iron nerve and pale, impassive countenance of the Count of Monte Cristo. "The count was pale but firm," struck me as a satisfactory state to be in permanently. My latest plan was to be a farmer. The country, solitude, open air these things appealed to me strikingly. None of these ideas but the "farmer" did I confide to my parent. He was not enthusiastic and I abandoned the idea. I had some small inclination for drawing, and my father seized on that as the direction I should travel. "How would you like to be a painter ?" said he one day. "I think I would like it," said I. "Good!" said he. "That's settled. I'll send you at once to O'Connor. Scene-painting will give you a fine, broad style. Meantime you stoop too much, so we'll go and buy some braces to hold the shoulders back." This we did with swift decision. I was braced like a soldier in half an hour, and in an hour it had been ar- ranged that I should leave school and take up the study of drawing and color. I studied scene-painting with those braces on, suffer- 2i8 MY REMEMBRANCES ing torture as I wielded a huge brush in either hand. The connection between scene-painting and standing up straight puzzled me then, and I can't perceive it now, but it was enough for me that my father saw it. What a happy age, that, when the parent is a Godlike being who knows all things I My father was the most adorable of men, all that affection could offer he gave to his chil- dren, and in his glorious, buoyant, effervescent nature we saw the constant sunshine of youth and knowledge. To him everything seemed possible. His swift decisions seemed to us the decrees of happy fate. So with en- thusiasm I attacked my painting and, indeed, was happy and content until I came to know, after three or four years, that my gift was small, and that it was necessary for me to earn a living more securely and more rapidly than my meagre talent would allow. My father did not believe this, but I knew it. I came out to America in 1879 with my mother's brother, Captain Hugh Stewart. My father was living at the Gramercy Park Hotel in New York. One day we were at breakfast when in came Mr. James Ruggles, whose father had presented Gramercy Park to the city of New York, as a stone on the pavement at the west end of the park testifies. The circumstances under which I became an actor are so peculiar that a sceptical nature will discard them as an improbable fiction. Ruggles had dealings with my father in some real-estate matter and was discussing dry details when Sam, the waiter, entered with the breakfast. The eggs were broken into a glass my father preferred to eat eggs out of the shell. "I hate eggs served in that beastly American fash- ion," said my father. I CHOOSE A PROFESSION 219 Ruggles looked up. "Oh, come," said he. "You can say beastly or you can say American, but it is of- fensive to say 'beastly American.' ' "Not at all," said my father, whose mischievous spirit loved the prospect of agitating Ruggles or any- body else he had the scent for excitement of several Irishmen. "It is both beastly and American, conse- quently it is correct to say 'beastly American.' ' "I must take exception," said Ruggles, really ruffled. "I am an American, and I must protest against such an expression. It reflects on the manners and habits of my country, and I assure you that I am unable to hear such a phrase used with equanimity." He arose and walked about greatly perturbed. Sam, the waiter, announced: "Captain Hugh Stewart and Captain Atkinson." Captain Atkinson was an English cavalry officer, quite of the long, solemn, and rather weary kind, retired, rather elderly. "We will leave it to Stewart and Atkinson," cried my father apparently in great excitement. Then to Sam: "Take away the breakfast; I am upset, I can't eat it. Now, I say that to break eggs into a glass like that" pointing to the departing eggs "is both beastly and American, and Ruggles here says that although ad- mittedly American, it is not beastly, and that the ex- pression offends him. What do you say ?" He seemed so honestly excited and perturbed that both the newcomers were at once engaged seriously in considering the problem. "I like eggs that way," said Atkinson. "I don't," said Uncle Hugh. "There!" said my father. "There, and Hugh is a sailor." 220 MY REMEMBRANCES The application of this remark was not quite clear, but all eyes wandered to Hugh. I was really concerned. The matter seemed serious. "How can you expect Atkinson, who is a cavalry officer, to know anything about eggs?" continued my father. "Oh, I don't know," drawled Atkinson, "I know an egg when I see one." "One thing is quite certain!" cried my father; "Hugh invented a saddle which was adopted by the army." This was a master-stroke. My uncle's chief vanity was this very thing. He was a naval officer of great accomplishment and much distinction, but these matters seemed to him as nothing to the fact that he had in- vented this same saddle. "Yes!" cried Uncle Hugh. "It took a sailor to make a saddle for the army." "Yes," drawled Atkinson, "but it's one thing to make a saddle and another to stay in it," and he laughed in a drawn-out, languid, and rather offensive way. "Be- sides, a tailor should stick to his last." "Shoemaker," said my father. "Yes," said Hugh, "shoemaker." "Atkinson means to say, Hugh," said my father, 'You may ride the waves, my dear Stewart, but you can't stay on a horse." 1 "The devil, I can't!" said Hugh. "I'll race him any- where for any sum. Come on !" Hugh was quite hot and Atkinson was annoyed. "But the eggs!" said my father. "How about the eggs?" "I say it is beastly!" said Hugh. "I say distinctly it is not!" said Atkinson. I CHOOSE A PROFESSION 221 Ruggles approached Atkinson. "Sir," said he, "I thank you." My father seized the hand of Hugh. "Stewart," said he, "I appreciate this more than I can say. Of course," my father continued, "we can't settle the matter by racing, and one couldn't call a man out for such a trifle; and yet I hate to leave it undecided; Ruggles is serious." "I hold to my position," said Ruggles. "Exactly!" said my father. "I, on the other hand, am absolutely adamant in my attitude." "Let's wrestle for it," said Hugh. Ruggles, who was about to depart, stopped in amaze- ment. "Good!" said my father. "Wrestle!" said Atkinson. "Yes," said Hugh, "although I am a sailor." "I'll go you!" said Atkinson. It is incredible, but these two grown-up men seriously encountered. My father cleared away the furniture with enthusiasm; Ruggles, fascinated, looked on; I got up against the wall. They wrestled all over the room, up and down and about they were under the piano; they fell with fury against the door. Ruggles was perforce made to jump about to get out of the way of the com- batants. I loved my Uncle Hugh and was emotionally concerned for him. Atkinson seemed to become a fury incarnate; his long limbs, usually so passive, seemed turned into twisting serpents. Hugh's sea-legs became the tentacles of the octopus. For about three minutes the turmoil lasted; my father, with fire in his eye, ejacu- lating every now and then, " Beastly has it ! No, it doesn't !" as Hugh was down. "Ruggles, you win ! No, 222 MY REMEMBRANCES you don't!" as Hugh, with a superhuman effort, threw Atkinson into the fireplace. We dragged him out, his hair was singed. "By gad !" said Atkinson. "Beastly it is!" said my father. "I take my leave," said Ruggles. "Brittania rules the waves!" said Uncle Hugh. There were congratulations, refreshments; Hugh and Atkinson departed the best of friends. "Now," said my father to me, "let us decide what you are going to be." I sat down to a fresh breakfast to consider this weighty matter. "Come in!" cried my father, who always applied himself to reply to his letters after breakfast, a matter of a couple of hours he was very methodical about this, punctilious to a degree. "Come in!" It was Earp! Now Earp was the barber at the Gramercy Park Hotel. He lived in the basement a perfectly unbelievable man, thin as a rail, six feet three in height, solemn as the sphinx. He eked out his income from barbering by raising white mice; he also kept parrots, love-birds, flying squirrels, a jackdaw. My father was very fond of animals; he always had one, sometimes two dogs with him, and frequently purchased some of Earp's menagerie for his rooms in New York. Earp usually looked after these purchases each night, and brought them to my father when he came in the afternoon. He now appeared. This was the first time I had seen him. He carried his barber's implements in his two hands. My father sat in the middle of the room, where Earp had placed a chair. Earp then took from a large pocket a parrot which crawled on to his shoulder. I CHOOSE A PROFESSION 223 My father paid no attention. From another pocket he took two love-birds which crawled up his chest to his head and perched thereon. Two flying squirrels emerged next, and flew at once to the window-curtains and clung there chattering. Several white mice then appeared and began to crawl over my father. At last another parrot bestrode Earp's other shoulder and a jackdaw jumped out of a small bag of razors and stood on a table. I, of course, was surprised. My father spoke not the thing was customary. "Fine day," said Earp. "Isn't it?" said my father. "Hair-cut!" said a parrot. I laughed with glee. "My son Earp," said my father by way of introduc- tion. Earp held out a sad hand which I shook solemnly. I felt strangely abashed at living a birdless life. "Next!" cried the jackdaw. It is a fact that these parrots and this jackdaw spoke this barbarous talk. "Shave or hair-cut," would one say, "how much?" "Fifteen cents!" would another remark. Meantime Earp conversed on the topics of the day politics, stocks, the theatre, real estate, mice, and men. It was all very instructive and amazing to me, lately landed. At last the conversation languished. "Now," said my father, "Eddy, what is it to be? What are you going to be ?" I had been wool-gathering, watching the mice and the squirrels. Recalled to the serious affairs of the planet, I looked rather blank; at last I ventured: "I think I would like to go on the stage." 224 MY REMEMBRANCES My father sat up so suddenly that Earp's birds nearly lost their balance. "You want to give up your drawing!" said he. I told him my reasons at length. I knew I was hurt- ing him and hated to do it. He had set his heart on my being a painter, but I lamed him with reasons. At last he seemed to make up his mind suddenly. "Good!" said he, as Earp finished him up. "I'll send you to the Boston Museum. You shall go at once to-morrow! I'll give you a letter to Mr. Field, the manager. Mrs. Vincent will take rooms for you. You won't get any salary, because you are not worth any. I'll give you twenty dollars a week on which you will have to live, as I and other poor actors have done before you. You'll have to work hard; it's no joke. You are making an awful mistake, but I won't stand in your way. I want you to choose, but you must get at it quick and find out what it is like." I knew what it was like, for children have sharp ears, and I had heard ever since I was a child how my father had failed and failed and failed; how he landed in 1852 in Boston, where I was going to, and appeared in "The Heir-at-Law" as Doctor Pangloss; how the audience at the National Theatre hissed him; how Mr. Leonard, the manager, discharged him after the play; how he went next day to the Howard Athenaeum and asked the manager for a job; how the manager engaged him, and he played four performances a day while my mother played small parts also and nursed her little son Lytton, and when the next day after his discharge a man ap- peared at Mrs. Fisher's boarding-house in Bullfinch Place a man who said he represented a newspaper, which, of course, he did not and calling my father to I CHOOSE A PROFESSION 225 the door suggested that a small sum would prevent a certain article recounting his lamentable failure from appearing in print; my mother, who was at the top of the staircase, came down and cried out: "If you don't thrash him I'll never speak to you again!" The conflict which ensued and the rejoicing which followed; the penury; the hardships; the determina- tion to give up the theatre after ten years of labor all this I knew, and had heard with those same sharp ears of childhood. But it mattered not. "Remember," said my father, "always say you will do anything, and take anything. You can't learn to act by telling yourself how much you are worth; other people will have to tell you that." The morrow brought a slight change of plan, however. "You shall make your first appearance with me," said my father. "I open at Abbey's Park Theatre next week. You shall play the cabman in 'Sam."' He went to a trunk and produced the part. "Here you are. You have only one line, but it is a most important one. Sam comes on the stage and the cabman follows him. Sam is a delightfully debonair spendthrift who owes everybody everything, and he has neglected to pay the cabman. He greets his host and hostess buoyantly. He turns to find the cabman standing, whip in hand, and touching his hat intermi- nably as though he were wound up for that purpose. "Now, my good man, what do you want?' says Sam. "You reply: "Arf a crown, your Honor; I think you won't object.' "Sam protests that he has not the amount handy and borrows it from his host. The incident is important as it instantly illustrates Sam's character. 226 MY REMEMBRANCES "You have seen London cabmen. Think it over. Get your clothes and your make-up ready and then we'll rehearse it." I procured a wig and side-whiskers, a heavy overcoat, an old high hat, a whip, thick gloves, gaiters. I made a cabman's badge out of cardboard. Night and day I lived, moved, and had my being as a cabman. Like the actor who painted himself all over so as to feel like Othello, I tried to be a cabman inside and out. At length rehearsal day arrived. I had wandered all over New York, muttering: "'Arf a crown, your Honor; I think you won't object." Persons had heard me in the street, in the park, and had looked on me with suspicion. I had visited the theatre, and had upon the deserted stage repeated the line again and again. A very fever pos- sessed me. I was alternately terrified and elated. I had read of the first appearances of distinguished actors, they seemed to have been almost invariably disastrous. Yet what misfortune could be mine with this one line: "'Arf a crown, your Honor; I think you won't object"? One could not get mixed up with such a simple phrase. I had been told of that unfortunate who had to declare: "Behind the thicket there stands a swift horse," and who, agitated by false friends who had called his at- tention to all possible mistakes, had at last said: "Be- hind the swiffit there skands a thick korthe." But my way was clear. Although extremely nervous at the rehearsal, I de- livered the line fairly well. My father did not praise nor did he denounce me. I felt I had escaped censure. I let up on my study of the part and looked on victory as within my grasp. The fateful night arrived. I felt frightened, but secure. tai W & A I | S , . 1 f T ^ 2 W - -i => - a s 3 - a M s~ * s s ''s S -S5 SB 5*a !1tt3 iS II \s rfS BO 1 W W S W eg. S Q J O "I g> O w3-r w W u: _ z 21 | 4) /. U I = ^ < i OJ ^ (U i c 'i " - < if i .- Tf. "Tr j 6o'C O " \ H 2 .- u. ^ I ~ * j c ^ i w" 2"? Q C = > = Z *; _ i * J * - J JJ / 05 ~ I- !. y : K i X ~* i " ^ I K c: H *-> u - ~ ? : S 5 oc UI Z I ._ r i = s S H ^ o ^ O ITS u c t! I J i U to u. T " 1 = 91 .* * ^ ^ (^ v 1 s ~ "7 7 i. oi ' -14 Z i I ' i /. = ^ a E *""* > 8 III f z u - = ^ ^ - ^ " ^ '- .- h '- -j H y ~ i. _' s z < ~ ~ < < < i_i I CHOOSE A PROFESSION 227 "Well, my good man, what do you want?" said my father. I gazed on him spellbound. I was conscious of the footlights, otherwise I seemed to be floating outside of myself. I touched my hat constantly. "Well, my good man, what do you want?" repeated my father. I kept touching my hat but could think of no word to utter. The audience laughed, and during their laugh my father said to me: "Go on. Say 'arf a crown, your Honor." I was so terrified that he should thus expose me be- fore the people that panic seized me. "Go on!" said my father intensely, and I saw that he was desperate. Still I continued to touch my hat, but said nothing. I felt quite incapable of thought. "Go off!" said my father between his teeth. This I incontinently did. The scene proceeded, but I was aware that I had ruined my father's entrance and spoiled that exhibition of his character of which he had spoken. I was quite over- whelmed at my stupidity. It had all seemed so easy, and I had been so perfect. "I am so sorry," I cried to my father when he came to his room. "Why, I knew the line backward." "Yes," said my father, "but that's not the way to know it." "But one line," I wailed. "It seemed impossible I could fail." "Yes," said my father. "Most people think that." I went to Boston and entered the Museum Company. I returned to New York to see my father in about a 228 MY REMEMBRANCES month. Again Earp entered. Again the mice and the parrots and the love-birds and the squirrels took their part in the proceedings. "How do you like the stage?" said my father. "I like it," said I. "You will suffer," said my father and his eyes looked moist. "I hope soon you'll be worth a salary," he added seriously. "How much ?" said one parrot. "Fifteen cents," said the other. "Not yet," said I, and my father smiled sadly. XXV "SAINT VINCENT" THE "Boston Museum," whither I was bound, was one of the last remnants of Puritan prejudice against the theatre as a place of amusement. It was a "museum/* not a "theatre." The word "theatre" was not per- mitted in any advertisement or playbill. For many years its doors were closed from Saturday afternoon un- til Monday morning there being no Saturday evening performance. In the front of the building, on the floors over the box-office, was an exhibition of stuffed animals, wax-figures, mummies, mineral specimens, and other odds and ends, which enabled the tender of conscience to persuade themselves that this was an institution of learning, a school of instruction, and by no means a place of amusement. True, on the first floor was a theatre where plays were given just as in any other theatre, but the intolerable and unholy atmosphere of the playhouse was mitigated by the presence of several decayed Egyp- tians whose enlightened and tolerant ghosts must have laughed in scorn at such self-deception, while the groups of intelligent animals and the distinguished company of waxworks must, in the "stilly night," have held weird conferences as to what virtue resided in their mouldy forms which could change the abode of Satan into a house for the godly. Certain it is that persons who would have considered their souls damned had they entered the theatre, frequented the Boston Museum 229 2 3 o MY REMEMBRANCES without a qualm, although every kind of play was pro- duced there from farce to burlesque. Pretty dancers were not taboo, and the broadest kind of comedy was tolerated. Says Mr. Clapp, a local historian: "The Museum made an eloquent appeal to the patronage of sober per- sons affected with scruples against the godless 'theatre/ To this day, there are citizens of Boston who patronize no other place of theatrical amusement than its 'Mu- seum." Many of the most distinguished actors have played here supported by the stock company and, be- fore people who would not enter another playhouse to see them. Writes Mr. Clapp: "The appeal to the prej- udiced was as successful as it was shrewd.'* In 1879, when I joined the Museum Company, that temple of the drama still had a distinct following of its own. Each member of the organization had, from long association and distinguished service, become something of an institution. Citizens had been brought up from childhood to love and revere them. Especially was this the case with Mr. William Warren and Mrs. Vincent, whose service in this one theatre covered a period of nearly fifty years. "The actual merit of the perform- ance at the Boston Museum was, perhaps, greater than that of any other stock company in the country." Mr. Warren has been declared the superior of his cousin, Joseph Jefferson. And yet, outside of the city of Bos- ton save in a few New England towns neither he nor Mrs. Vincent was known at all. To them, however, a modest but established home and the perpetual enjoy- ment of a circle of intimate and admiring friends com- pensated for a wider fame. Many of a greater notoriety on looking back would gladly have changed places with From a photograph by the Notman Studio WILLIAM WARREN "SAINT VINCENT" 231 them; to have been able to contemplate in retrospect so many years of peaceful labor, and to have been so truly honored, and so well beloved. To such an extent did this sentiment prevail in the case of Mrs. Vincent that the Vincent Hospital, founded in her name under the aus- pices of Trinity Church, is in these days sometimes inadvertently called "Saint Vincent's Hospital." Some years ago was sold in Boston the collection of one Mr. Brown, a famous gatherer of theatrical pro- grammes, autograph letters, and so forth. I purchased at this sale some letters of my father. One of these was written from Weymouth, England, in 1852, to Mr. Leonard, the manager of the National Theatre, Boston. My father applied for an engagement, giving a list of 396 parts which he had played, and was prepared to play. He was at this time twenty-five years of age, so his experience as an actor in England may be deduced therefrom. Mr. Leonard engaged him for leading com- edy. In 1852, under the name of Douglas Stewart, as I have said, he opened in the part of Doctor Pangloss in "The Heir-at-Law." His failure was so complete that the audience in an uproar interfered with the progress of the play. My father approached the footlights, hold- ing up his hand for silence, which, having been granted, he said: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you will permit me to finish the play I will go home and learn how to act." He was allowed to continue and at the end of the per- formance he was discharged for incapacity. It was no unusual thing then, especially in England, for audiences to declare their displeasure with the utmost violence. Only so lately as the year 1825 had Edmund Kean been hooted from the stage of a Boston theatre. 232 MY REMEMBRANCES My father accepted his dismissal with the buoyancy of youth, fortified, perhaps, by the distresses of greater actors than himself, and applied with a light heart to the manager of the Howard Athenaeum. "What can you do?" said the manager. "Anything," said my father. "What salary do you want?" said the manager. "Anything," said my father again. "What do you mean?" said the manager. "I mean," said my father, "that I want work; that I will take any kind of work and any salary you will give me." He was engaged at nine dollars a week, and played two new parts each week, and two performances a day. My father's mood at this time may be gathered from his correspondence with a New York manager to whom he applied for a position. That worthy had doubtless heard of the fiasco at the National Theatre, for he re- plied by telegram: "I would not have you if you paid me a hundred dollars a week." To which my father answered: "Terms accepted. Expect me by next train." On arriving in Boston my father had found shelter in a boarding-house kept by Mrs. Fisher at No. 2 Bull- finch Place a quaint, quiet street with a kind of toll- gate across it close to Mrs. Fisher's house. Here in this secluded retreat Mr. William Warren and a few other actors resided. After this disastrous first appearance, my father and mother and their one son, Lytton, moved their abode to the house of Mrs. Vincent. Now began a friendship that lasted until my father's death, and which was be- queathed to me, for Mrs. Vincent survived him by some years. fcj ssj.i I i! >>* ml N |Ui* si O O O ft > s 5,5