THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES IN MEMORY OF MRS. VIRGINIA B. SPORER TWENTY-FIVE LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. BY A. P. GRAVES, D. D., AUTHOR OF "FROM EARTH TO HEAVEN," AND "DOWN GRADE; A BOOK TO SAVE TEMPTED YOUNG MEN." SIXTH EDITION. CHICAGO AND NEW YORK : FAIRBANKS, PALMER & CO. 1884. COPYRIGHT. A. P. GRAVES, D. D. 1879. TO THE THOUSANDS OK YOUNG LADIES WHOM I HAVE INSTRUCTED IN THE WAY OF HIGHER MORAL- ITY, AND SOUGHT TO LEAD IN THE HEAVENLY PATH, THESE LETTERS ARE HUMBLY INSCRIBED BY THE AUTHOR. 2041646 Desiring to answer some important and practi- cal questions which are daily asked by many young ladies, I have prepared this series of letters. Varied and large experience in my profession as an evan- gelist, has urged the importance of such a suggest- ive volume. From my niece Etha H., and others, I sought questions which I have answered in this plain way, without the slightest attempt at literary merit. Limited space, and fragments of time for their writing amid incessant evangelistic work, have compelled their brevity. May they be serv- iceable to thousands of young ladies, is the prayer of the author. A. P. G. CONTENTS. LETTER I. WOMAN SUPREME AMONG MEN 9 LETTER II. LOVE 14 LETTER III. SPHERES OF USEFULNESS 19 LETTER IV. CHOOSING A HUSBAND 23 LETTER Y. How TO TREAT HIM MORALLY 29 LETTER VI. IDEAS OF LIFE 34 LETTER VII. READING THE BIBLE 39 LETTER VIII. IDEAS OF PRAYER , , , , . , , , . , , , . , , , , , f , . , . , 44 Vi CONTENTS. LETTEE IX. Music 4:8 LETTEE X. STANDARD OF WOMANHOOD 52 LETTEE XI. WOMAN'S EIGHTS 56 LETTEE XII. A GOOD HOME 61 LETTEE XIII. You CAN BE A TRUE WOMAN 67 LETTEE XIY. MANNER OF DRESS 72 LETTEE XY. EMPLOYMENT OF YOUNG LADIES 76 LETTEE XYI. EEADING 81 LETTEE XVII. FASHION 85 LETTEE XVIII. YOU CAN BENEFJT YOUNG Mw Fmicjsrps, , , , , 9J CONTENTS. Vli LETTER XIX. SKEPTICISM OF YOUNG LADIES 98 LETTER XX. TREATMENT OF THE UNFORTUNATE 104: LETTER XXI. TEMPTATIONS AT SCHOOL Ill LETTER XXII. TRUE HAPPINESS 115 LETTER XXIII. CONSECRATION 121 LETTER XXIV. SUNDAY SCHOOL TRAINING 126 LETTER XXY. A TRUE WOMAN. . , . 130 TWENTY-FIVE LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY, LETTER I. WON EM SUPREME AMONG MEN. My Dear Niece: You have urged upon me a correspondence expressing to you raj views of the worth and power of woman. I shall aim to give you as much thought in a few letters as my knowl- edge and time will allow, and hope they may be a benefit to you and others of your sex who are just starting in life. Ask any questions freely and fully. This question: " What constitutes woman's su- premacy? " is vast and potent None could be more so. Eve damned the world and Mary gave to us a Savior. Some object to this view and say, do not charge so much upon the woman ; but I in- sist that Eve did tempt the man, and that he yielded because of the overpowering influence of the woman. And such has been the case from that day until the present. Woman has held the balance of power for good or evil in all the ages. The Eves and the Marys have influenced the character of men 10 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. more than all other created bsings. The very na- ture of her being compels her supremacy. Her affections are among her most powerful factors. These are enough to give her the highest position. No other bein ever stood thus. Her instinctive o adaptability to counsel and persuade man, surpasses that of all other beings. And where was there ever a minister, lawyer, educator, congress hall or uni- versity that had such influence over man as a mother, sister or wife? It is true and cannot be gainsaid that woman is supreme. If her aims and chastity be right, and her life pure, she is so; and if evil and sin has seized upon her being, making her powers and influence wrong, it is none the less so. How do men regard women in relation to this supremacy? I will tell you. They feel it deeply and continually. They cannot avoid it; and many rejoice in it as a living fact, especially those who are controlled by good, wise arid virtuous women. How many a man has scaled the very heights of prosperity, and attained position in religion, wealth or influence, and truly and justly attributed his standing to the wise counsel and influence of wo- man. And how many a poor fallen wretch of a man has drunk the cup of sorrow to its very dregs, when a woman led him down. She was irresistible. Her influence swept away his resolutions like chaff before the wind. I do not say, dear Etha, that WOMEN SUPREME AMONG MEN. 11 man has no powers. He has. They are gigantic; but those of woman are more so. How important, then, that she be right. And that reminds me of your question, " Does piety give a woman a higher rank in the estimation of men? " Yes, it does. You know, Etna, that as a public man I have been brought in contact with masses of my fellow men of all conditions and callings in life for many years, and I give you this testimony, that I have never yet seen the first man who did not respect a woman more for herns: a Christian. That is, if O ' words and acts are evidence. It is true that in- fidels, worldlings and fellows of the baser sort often seek to lead women into unbelief and sin; but for all this, when I have sifted this matter, I have invariably found that men have admired the Christian character of any woman, be she mother, sister, wife or friend. Even if he were next to a brute her charms constrain him to do this. Do women realize the power of their influence? Some of them do to an immense extent; but others are very careless about the matter. And I must tell you, my dear niece, you could not have asked me a more vital question, " Does a woman realize the power of her influence?" What if she does not, and all her powers are let loose and run riot like a sweeping wind upon the prairie? Wake up, young friend, to this thought, and let the very asking 12 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. arouse in you a purpose to understand your posi- tion. Surely as you live you have powers about which you cannot be thoughtless or aimless. Do you know this is the bane of tens of thousands of girls in our day? Education, wealth, friends and grand opportunities are all about them, but they are utterly careless of their strength and life. Be- stir thy every thought and " know thyself." The endowments of your heart and affections, together with moral, mental and physical powers, are not to be lightly esteemed. Well would it be for every young lady and the world about her, if she would study to realize her influence and use it wisely. This is the great need of the hour with American girls. Leaving school and casting about for some plan to employ time and talent, what thoughtlessness there is as to the best way. How much at this important period should she consider her powers and position, " woman as God made her." Potent indeed is the thought o at which you aim when you ask, Can a young lady overestimate the responsibility devolving upon her? Impossible! " Aim at the sun if you do not get half way up," is the motto that Borne one has given to the world. It is good for you, and every young lady should observe it. In- ferior motives, circumstances and influences may obtain to an extent; but God will hold her respon- sible for her acts, be they good or bad. Her respon. WOMEN SUPBEME AMONG MEN. 13 flibility is emphatically her own. It does not belong to father, mother, sister or brother; it is her own, and of this she must have a conception to some extent. Overestimate! What, with all her powers, mental and moral, to enjoy untold happi- ness or to endure untold misery in this world, and review with immortal vision all the bearings of her responsibility in the world to come. .No, no, my dear niece, there can be no overestimating such gifts, and what is required of them. Her aspirations should be high if wisely directed. They can not be too much so. Of course you know I could not encourage her to aspire in anything to work her injury. She must in the very nature of the case be responsible for the bad as well as the good, the wrong as well as the right. And not only has our Maker given instruction to guide, but the example of young women in the past has taught its striking lessons. Some of them are grand, others are sad, very sad. Then note your responsibility in all your aspirations, and take such steps as will lead you to the heights of happiness and not the depths ofsorrosv. It is possible for every young lady to tread the mountain tops of power and blessing such as other mortal never knew, and then descend to walk the banks of the gently flowing river of sweet and untold affection, as it is possible for no other being. Earnestly, YOUR UXCLE. LETTEK It LOVE. My Dear Niece: Perhaps you do not compre- hend the import of the questions you have asked me about love. Sure am I, however, if I am able to give you even a hint at some of the relations of this subject, the bearing of this letter upon your life will not be in vain. Can I tell you the foun- dation of true love? Yes, I can. But let me tell you first what it is not. It is not barely human emotions excited by the passions of human beings. It is not the gush of feeling which can only actuate a cry or a laugh, a tear or a smile. It is not blind zeal, impelled by the inclinations of a carnal heart. But it is an element in our nature, God-given and Godlike. This is true love, and will never degenerate unless compelled to by wilful sin. There may be natural attachments which develop themselves in various ways among men and beasts, but this is not what we are talking about. Our theme is nobler, grander, and worthy alone of im- mortal beings made in the image of the Divine Creator. And of all these upon the earth, the young lady has her loveliness and beauty. Let her u LOVE. 15 recognize and prize this pure and strong founda- tion, and she will at once stand high in the scale of her being. Do you see, dear Etha, the import of this question, and the answer? It is not strange that you are so excited about solving the question of love, and are anxious to know how you may avoid the contaminations of false love so prevalent. Many young ladies desire this. And many are decoyed by some wily foe ere they are aware of it. The snares are numerous and cunning. But there is no need that a girl should be overtaken by false love. She has the balance of power in her own hands. Let her study to know the location and force of true love, as above defined, and she has the first lesson of her defense. The almost insurmount- able barrier to be overcome now is, the debasing opinion of public sentiment. Let me mention one feature of this school: The dancing of the times. I mean every link in the chain, from the parlor dance down to the lowest step of a lewd dance- house. In this there is a development of love. Not Godlike, but manlike. How many choice angel-like young ladies enter into this prac- tice, pure in motive and life, only to graduate amid the false contaminations of love? And they are gone. So amid a hundred kindred practices in the whirling schemes of worldly vice. No young lady can afford to tarnish her love in this way. So I 16 LETTERS TO A 1*0 U^G LAM*. say if you would avoid these contaminations, guard well every avenue and risk not a hair's breadth that would imperil the sacredness of your love, for this world or another. Will not high respect and esteem be sufficient for all the demands of married life? I know this question would have to do with many, unless appearances deceive. But I answer No, emphat- ically No. True happiness must have true love. It is not enough for a wife to respect her husband, neither for the husband to respect the wife. They must have predominating love. Nothing short of this will fill God's design. The very nature of the case demands this. There is no place on earth that has the advantages for love and its fruits as the home. Then do not let down the standard of pure elevating love to simple respect and esteem. You ask, Is the power of love fully understood, No, it is not. As well might we say that no more could be known of geography or astronomy. Its resources are boundless as its blessings. And who can ever tell the story of its benefits? The power of love is as unsearchable as its Creator. And to fully understand it would be as impossible as to drain the ocean by a drop at a time. And with this instinctive view, I might well expect you would ask me, With what safeguards should a young lady hedge her love? First, she should make up her LOVE. 17 mind to hedge it at all hazards. Purpose in this is as essential as a fountain to a large river. Let a young lady know her love, its worth and power, and then determine to protect it, and she has learned the first lesson of its blessings for this world and another. If truly blessed herself, she will want to bless others. And time closely occupied with use- ful labor will help and bless. Love can be formed for labor and industry as well as for the foolish pastimes of earth. " Idleness is the devil's work- shop," is the adage. And our young ladies are in more danger from having no well-directed employ- ment of time and talent, than from anything else. There are doubtless exceptions to this, but they are few. Love is not indolent, but active. It will act. It will ascend into the high scale of noble character, or descend into the low avenues of selfishness and sin, just where you please to put it. If a young lady is not willing to enter into work of the hardest and of everv kind at home, commanding her atten- / O tion and attachments around the most sacred of all altars, she is in danger. She will be likely to use her home as a sort of hotel, a stopping place of convenience while her love is running in looseness after the fancies of the world, that will be likely to swallow her up in the pitfalls of indolence and un- happiness. Then I say, dear Etha, would you be guarded from the dangers of false love, have soine- 18 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. thing to do at home. Let the hours of each day have their allotment of care and duty. This every young lady in every department of life should have. It will be sure to form society for her, and mark out a path of life that will develop toward her the purest love, and shield her from the false. Yea, more, it will lead to the highest spheres of action for holiness and heaven. Perhaps I ought to say before closing this letter, that mothers are often fearfully responsible for the contaminations, by false love, of their daughters. They are so anxious to get them into society, and often encourage them into circles of vice and dan- ger. Better school them at home in industry and hiojh aims, until the right door for entertainment and usefulness shall open. May this sentiment be studied, and arouse some coming mothers to wise action. Yea, prove a blessing to some coming young ladies when my pen shall cease to write. Lovingly yours. LETTER IIL SPHERES OF USEFULNESS. My Dear Niece: I am glad you wish me to devote one letter suggesting some things to help- you to be useful. The desire is worthy of an angel. Yes, it is. Even Jesus " took upon himself the form of a servant." And for a young lady to be anxious to know how, and by what means she may be made useful is notably worthy. I wish I had no occasion to intimate that there are exceptions to this. Alas, it is too true. Yea, the exceptions are numerous. There are so many young ladies that seem to have no idea of spending the very bloom of their lives in anything but fun and pastime. It is too bad, and all wrong. Our powers for good to bless the world are just as valuable in youth as in middle life or old age. I do not mean that young people should not have proper time for pleasure and hap- piness, but against young ladies going forth into society, with all their mighty powers, to sow seeds of injury to themselves and others, as so many do, I raise my pen and voice in most earnest protest. I mean our young ladies of intelligence and influ- ence. Those who mould the society of the gay 19 20 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. and the fashionable. How useful they might be in every department of human need. And what avenues of distress are crying out for their helping hand. You ask, " Has not each one a special mis- sion?" If you mean has not God some good thing for every young lady to do, I answer yes. Can any one be so lost to the instincts of an im- mortal being as to believe that a single one has been made to no purpose? No, it is not true. Every one has a talent and gifts for some good sphere of action. Think of a young lady, by her presence, giving countenance to the gambling pools of a horse race, the bacchanalian zeal of a wine party, the card circle that so often leads in the way to ruin, and the theater, always demoralizing. Is she thus in a sphere of usefulness? Is this, or can it possibly be, the mission of a single young lady? Think and answer. Then I can only say, while talents and circum- stances may differ, every young lady should find her place and fill it. " Can others do our work? " This is a potent question. One person cannot, certainly, fill the place of another. As well might one young lady undertake to marry a husband for another. When you were in school you could not learn the history or Latin lesson for another. Every acquisition had to be your own. So in each department of life, each duty must be your own. SPHERES OF USEFULNESS. 21 And no young lady need wait or look long for work- in philanthropy, the sick, the poor, the sorrowing, the cast-down, the dejected, the distressed, and the lost, are ever stretching out their hands for help and comfort. And I hold that there is no class that can minister to such needy ones as well as young ladies can. Capable of fine, buoyant affec- tions, with the tender instincts of a woman and gentleness of loving hearts, they can soothe, com- fort and bless as no other can. And, dear Etha, the world all around you is crying out for your blessing. Let every young lady, who feels that she has been educated barely to speak correctly and appear intelligent, and her daily business is for adornment and to show herself, stop and listen. She will soon hear some plaintive voice of man, woman, or child, calling, "Help me, feed me, give drink to my parched lips, shelter me, clothe me, teach me, or give me a kind word in my sorrow." If it is in your power to relieve, to say, "That is a tramp," or, "They do not deserve help," or, "Some other can do it," will not answer. You are the one called, and to you God has given this mission. I do feel that I cannot impress this idea of per- sonal duties too strongly upon your youthful heart. What is success in the usefulness of a young lady? This must be measured in varied ways. All things iu this world are done imperfectly. But to do all 22 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LA.DT. she can and the best she can in whatever be Ker calling, must be at least a showing of success. Can she be fitted mentally for professional life? Some can and ought to be. But I will treat more of this in another letter. Should a young lady despise manual labor f Never. This is a fact that every father, mother and daughter ought to learn. If she is willing to do this, and knows how, even if circumstances do not require it, it will do no harm. But how much misery the opposite notion has caused. In wealth one day and poverty the next, how many a young woman has been compelled to dismiss her servants and take her place in the kitchen to do the things she has hated and of which she is entirely ignorant. And a mother that will bring up her daughter that way ought never to be permitted the privilege of looking upon an inno- cent, smiling girl in the cradle. I care not if she is worth her millions. Some day she may exchange the palace for a log cabin. And if she does not it may become the lot of her daughter. Most truly yours. LETTER IV. CHOOSING A HUSBAND. My Dear Niece'. So you are thinking of get- ting married are you? "Well, that is nothing strange. Just like young ladies! And it is all right. God designed it should be so. But I must tell you, my dear Etha, that my heart has been stirred to its depths for years over the painful des- olations of unwise and unhappy relations in the marriage of not a few. I shall answer your ques- tions in this letter, in substance as I have long ad- vised young ladies in the choice of a husband and a home. And I must tell you the choice is yours and not the men's. You and others may dissent from this position. But look one moment. Think, consider, and you will see. "Popping the ques- tion," proposing marriage, whiling away a few evenings in courtship, taking a ride or a walk, or exchanging a few love letters are a very small part of the subject in hand. And this leads me to your first question, "How shall I choose a hitsband? " First, consider what you are about to do. And above all recognize the institution of marriage as divine. God made it. It is not a thing of human 23 24 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. genius, or for the blind behests of human pastime and pleasure. It is not to barely gratify the whim of man's notions, like the contract to work a farm, build a house or to enter into mercantile business. Neither is it the mere plaything that many boys and girls seem to think. No, no! it is God-given, and when rightly viewed and entered into, it will be God-honored by purity and blessedness. But the saddest feature of domestic life in our country to-day is, that so many choose marriage in the care- less sin of human indulgence. Many a girl who is pure, and lovely, and pious, and has consecrated her life upon some sacred church altar, makes a wreck of herself because she failed to comprehend the true relations and objects of marriage. Possibly her mother may have been more culpable than her- self, but there is fearful blame somewhere. The first principles being overlooked, of course all is wrong and disaster follows. And no marvel that she sorrows and weeps away the very years of her young womanhood over the desolation of what should have been a happy home. But her home is just what she has made it. I insist, it is the woman that makes the choice of the husband and the home. The man is the instrument, and she wields it. He may be a man of mind, influence and strength, but when he offers his hand to a young lady, that moment and onward she has the balance CHOOSING A HUSBAND. 25 of power. This is in the nature of the case. If she takes a stand then, and maintains it, to avoid such things as would debase his nature, habits, and life, such as Sunday rides, card, wine, and other parties of doubtful influence, theaters, ball-rooms, club-houses and the like, false words, dishonest habits and prac- tices, and in a word unhallowed associations, she has gone a long way in at least a happy direction. The way is now prepared for her to enter and tread the road that has made many a home almost a very heaven upon earth. I say then to you as a young lady, do not let down the standard at the very be- ginning. God designed that young men and women should marry and find their happiness in each other, and in the home, and not in the vain unsatisfying pastimes of earth. Furthermore, to ascend high in the scale of domestic bliss, you should have great care for hallowed communion with God, and the man of your choice. Pray over the matter, and that too during social visits and counsel. If God has given this institution and relation, he should certainly be counseled in its forming. And just here I remember you asked me " If it is wise to marry a man who is otherwise worthy, but is a skeptic? " I suppose you mean if she wish to lead a Christian life. I must say no. Many a woman has done this to her sorrow. He may be honest as a citizen, and provide well for his family. But 26 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. correct social and moral sentiments make up true happiness. If he be skeptical about God and his word, to feign harmony and happiness with him would be only a miserable failure of pretention. You also ask me, "If a man, will not give up bad Jiabits before marriage can he be expected to after- ward?" Observation of facts compels me to answer in the negative. The young lady who risks this does it at her peril. And our whole land in city and country is one vast charnel house of pain- ful evidence to this. Divorces, misery, distracted homes, wives, husbands and children disgraced and sad, are on every hand as the fruit of such presump- tion by our fairest and most lovely young ladies. If a young lady will not reform a young man be- fore marriage, there is little hope that she can do it afterward. The chances are vastly against her. And this is the lesson of the age for our girls to learn. Lesson of infinite importance! And those who have learned it have become happy wives, good mothers and pillars in society. Young ladies are the teachers of young men. They may not be aware of this, but it is nevertheless true. They weave about them an influence that compels and controls. And I believe that when this influence is wrong, it has more to do in demoralizing our young men than any other power. Many young ladies want to attend the theater, the dance, and th CHOOSING A HUSBAND. 27 circus, and go on Sunday rides. Of course the young men are expected to pay the tickets and liv- ery bills. Most of them have small salaries. And when young ladies have led them on in this kind of dissipation, they are just prepared for the billiard hall and club-room at their leisure hours when they are not with the girls. This squanders their money, demoralizes their habits, and not unfrequently leads them to pilfer the drawer of the store for extra dollars. So, many of them go down and often end their lives homeless, friendless, and in the darkest night, while others marry, but after having gradu- ated from such a school, under the tutorage of those who should have given better instruction, make a wretched home and eke out a miserable existence. This is no fancy sketch. The very wails of society are uttered in its confirmation. But, my dear Etha, glance an instant at the other and brighter side of the picture. There is a happier view and a sure way to reach it. A way strewn with roses and fragrant as the refreshing air of a spring morning. It is this. Let a young lady make up her mind to shun everything that would vitiate the morals of society, and apply with all her might all influence possible to elevate and make noble the minds of men, and she will at the proper time and place find what she seeks, a happy home. This is the only safe way. $pw ? I will close this letter by reverting to vour 28 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. questioi , " What will she do y if in choosing she make a mistake?" I can not tell. This is a ques- tion that vast numbers of girls once fair and lovely, but now with crushed, broken hearts, ask amid the sighs of a wretched home. Some may have been deceived, but many of them never ought to have come to this. They willfully made their mistake with their eyes wide open. This much I can say, however, I always pity such in the bottom of my heart, and let me say to you and every other young lady, beware, be wise, be careful. Yours with interest. LETTER Y. HOW TO TEE A T HIM MORALLY. My Dear Niece : This letter opens a vast field ; and were I capable, I am aware many things might be said in it well worthy of an angel. There are so many items of interest and profit that clus- ter around the married life, that a hint at even the most vital points can hardly be given in a single letter. " Will he look for an example? " I know not whether he will look for it or not, but he will get it. Example is inevitable with every living soul; and it only requires time for every wife to make this felt by her husband and children. A good example will be admired in all days, present and future; a sad one will be deplored. "/ not this of more importance than choosing him?" In some respects it may be. It is certainly of im- perative importance. "Who can tell the weight and consequences of a bad example; and what untold gratitude has flowed from the heart of a husband and father, and from sons and daughters, for the hallowed example of a good mother? No tongue can tell, or pen can write, the importance of this. This is the moral lever of the world to-day ; 29 30 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. and its controlling influence lies in the powers of a young mother. Seldom does a woman set the example she ought, if she does not begin young. " Does not the moral nature respond most affec- tionately to kind treatment?" "Like begets like," is a saying among men; and I apprehend there is no place where this is more true than with a wife and her husband. Of course, no man that has the instincts and courage of a manly heart is pleased to see a wife constantly demean herself in what is termed "cleverness." He wants to see her stand forth with the dignity of a woman firm, but kind; and to this his heart will respond with admiration and profit. This is often the secret of a woman's power; and before it the cold and chilly nature of her husband will melt and bow, not only into submission but blessed- ness. There is a sense in which many a woman can put herself firmly in a right position before her husband, and yet in the deepest affection. If she loved him less, she would be less firm and affectionate. And do you suppose he would look upon such a wife, and such acts in her, without re- spect? Nay, he would prize her as a jewel. But there is a possibility of a wife's taking the opposite course in word and act. She is irritable and unkind; and that, too, when she thinks she is an affectionate wife. Strange is her deportment, and HOW TO TREAT HIM MORALLY. 81 nnhappy her influence. I have heard such try to excuse themselves " on account of health, or because it was their way." This is no apology. If a woman wants a happy home filled with gentleness and affection, she must make it. She must be mis- tress of this school. And if such treatment does not win the husband and children to fill her heart with joy nothing will. But just here let me answer your question : " Are not faultfinding and in- difference the cause of muck misery f " This is the other side of the picture, and I answer, they are, and cannot fail to be. Changing the phraseology of Scripture a little, it is here clearly seen that whatsoever a woman sows, that shall she also reap. Yes, " misery;" it is the cause of much misery. No man can bear scolding from his wife. He may deserve it many times over; but a woman, and a wife at that, is certainly not the one to administer it, unless it is thoroughly tempered with love. God made her to love, and when she deports herself otherwise she is like a man trying to walk with a broken limb, or a bird trying to fly with cropped wings. Some may say they are constituted with an irritable disposition. Then let them send it to school and learn the art of control. There are some other very important points about which yon ask, that I must not overlook. " Should a wife talk familiarly with her husband about religious 32 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. matters? " To answer this in the negative would be as unwise as so send children for moral instruc- tion to a school of infidels. It is just here vital mistakes are made. So many compel themselves to believe that this is a task they cannot perform. They can. It only needs decision, as in every other important duty. Did you ever notice that Satan's temptations are the most subtle on the most im- portant points? This is one of them. The wife should often draw out her husband on religious questions, not as a jocose or incidental matter, but of earnest interest. True, if he is an unbeliever, it may be distasteful. This is a good way to win him, however, if it is done wisely, decidedly and in- telligently. But, if a Christian, this can, and should be made a frequent delight; and I know of nothing that can more soothe or bless a man. Let me add also upon this point, there is a fruitful neglect of prayer with their husbands on the part of many wives. I know of no influence so good upon the husband as for the wife to pray vocally with him. I am glad you have asked me in refer- ence to reading : " Should she be careful to have only pure literature in the home? " What a vital question, touching the morals of every member of the family. Good reading is to the mind what good food is to the body. The mind will be active, and must be fed with something; and a cultivation of reading ia IIOW TO TRKAT III.M MoJi.ULY. 33 pre eminentlv important. The kind of reading chosen should always be selected for profit. It is not enough to read barely for interest, but one must read for benefit. Who does not know that numbers of children have been ruined by reading bad literature, and how many a child and home has been blessed by care in this matter. In some subsequent letter I will say more to fou about the reading of young ladies. Yours faithfully. LETTER YL IDEAS OF LIFE. My Dear Niece: A young man said to me r long ago: " A young man can hardly find a you: lady with whom he can spend an evening and benefited by intelligent conversation and infinenc The girls are always talking about the gossip of t town, who was married last, parties, pleasures ai fanciful things of life." He was a young man < twenty-two, a graduate from a State University, ji entering a professional life, brilliant, buoyant, h morons and full of social qualities, and a Christian close observer of men and things, and one who h; evidently commenced life with a purpose to ma a good mark in the world. But he had no hel meet by his side. Where should he look for one fill the vacant chair, speak the intelligent woi and give the cheering smile. Surely, you w: agree with me when I say there are girls enong and many of them have had the best of education advantages. Money enough has been spent up< them, and they have been to school long enough know something and make grand use of thatknov edge. I hardly think you will say: "Dear unc 84 IDEAS OF LIFE. 35 he should not have made that remark." No, for young as you are, you know full well that every grade and location of society gives too much reason for it. Before I close this letter I may give some of the causes of this sad state of things. But let me treat a little on the capabilities of a young woman. There is no need that she live without proper ideas of life, or that with her they be meager. I do not believe God has ever given a young lady a responsibility in life she cannot bear, and in bearing it be useful and happy. True, talents ma} r differ, and some be weak minded, but our Creator requires nothing of us we can not do. The truth is, so many are unwilling to do what they can to bless themselves and others, but are ever ready to enter into schemes to their hurt and altogether pre- vent the design of their being, and the object of their education. lam not willing to admit that the}' are the weaker vessel. I never was and never ex- pect to be. I do not believe it is true. .They may be gentle, affectionate, and even timid, but this rather enhances than destroys their powers. Wo- man is strong in influence, and how she can grace and mold society to elevation and strength if she will. Now to your question: "What ideas of life would you enumerate as necessary to make a woman happy and useful? " 1. Considerately and with the greatest care settle 36 LETTERS TO A YOCNG LADY. the question of your worth as a woman. Sti your relation to your sex and to the world. 2. Make up yonr mind at the beginning life that wealth, whether you have it or not, can lay the foundation of your character. You in have a character not only of purity, but of deci< moral and intelligent bearing. So many g seem to think if they have wealth it is enough, ; by this false idea, life becomes a blank. 3. If you have wealth consecrate it to the 1 of purposes. 4. Cultivate unselfishness as much as possible 5. Decide in the earliest years of your yoi womanhood to hunt out and travel every avenue need you can find to bless somebody. 6. Make the world as beautiful as ^you can wl you live. 7. Shun the foolish notion that you cannot be to be useful while you are young, because yon in have some fun and folly. If a young pcrs.m capable of more happiness in worldly pleasure tl an older, then certainly he is more capable of in usefulness than an older person can be. " It not a nl that so little is iiicorpornt-'il /' ilf, educational aur girls should feel it a pleasure, a privilege, and a duty to go into the kitchen and engage in every Me way in the duties of the house; and I be- lieve that not a few mothers are wronging them- selves and perpetrating a positive injury upon many a daughter because, for sundry reasons, they exclude them from the housework, or, in other words, do not train them into it. I would not have a woman become a drudge to the. man, or the young ladies enter into slavery when they marry. But let them 38 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. be educated to fill every place in practical life with suitable books, at the piano, the pen, the wash tub, the broom, the gridiron and the needle, am then fill it whenever and wherever opportunity offers. Affectionately, YOUR UNCLE. LETTER VII. READING THE BIBLE. I My Dear Niece: You have asked me several important questions upon this most vital of all subjects, the reading of the Bible. The destiny of armies of young ladies has been sealed by the read- ing or neglecting of this Book of books. I know full well that this book has been assailed by infi- dels of all ages, and much has been said and writ- ten against it. Nevertheless, it stands. And it will continue its conquests and victories against the crusades of darkness and opposition until the end of time. This much I believe, and have a right to believe. There are reasons: there are evi- dences; there are overwhelming proofs 'which com- pel me to believe the Bible. I hand, my dear Etha, this faith over to you, and assuming that you ac- cept it, I proceed to tell yon some things you wish to know. How shall I read it? With a deep purpose to believe every word of it, for profit and pleasure, whether you understand it all or not. This you do in many other things, all the facts and nature of which you do not understand. Why not 40 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADi'. the Bible? "When yon read about flowers, plants, mathematical principles, astronomy, geology, and physiology, yon can trace each point so far, and no further. It is left in mystery. But yon believe it and get some delight and benefit for secular and physical purposes, bo when, on the same reason- able ground and conclusions, you accept and read the Bible, what blessed delight it brings to the sonl, and how it lifts before the vision of your faith the glories of the beyond. I say, then, believe it as you read it, as God's word. It will feast your soul, and bless you as no other book can. In ref- erence to your desire to know " What helps are best to establish the mind in divine truth? " I an- swer: First, read the Bible prayerfully. That is, ask the Lord to grant you his spirit and illuminate your heart to receive his word to bless yourself and others. There are commentaries and text books about reading the Bible, with topical plans, which are good helps. But I know of no helps so good as reading and comparing scripture with scripture. And this I would recommend as a daily plan for every yonng lady. But I am deeply interested in your inquiry, " What motive should incite me to read this lookf " Motive of action and course is the vital thing of every person's life. And in this thing it should be pure and determined. To get good and do good ought ever to be in the heart as a K!:.U>I\(, THK IJIIJLE. 41 fixed principle of till who study the holy word. Mr. Geo. Mullor, the great European philanthro- pist, says: " My object in reading the word of God is, in the first place, to get good to my own soul." This is right. For one to ever read in spec- ulation and with a view to dealing out doctrines to others, would be like one's always eating breakfast or dinner for somebody else. When you or any other young lady are edified, strengthened, and in- trivsted in reading the Bible, you are ready to scatter the same light and knowledge to others. But, above all, you are to have a motive to diffuse it in your own home. " Do I think the read cause some women claim liberal rights /c/ lL> ^reat army of their sex, which are justifiable in no sense whatever. It is claimed that parties may rr.arry at their notional option, by their own mere consent, and if they wish, separate at pleasure. What a ridi- culous and abominable farce upon the divine insti- tution. It would soon degenerate men to the beast- liness of cattle herds and dog pens. So with the Mormon view. Here the purhy and God-given joy of marriage are blackened, and sooner or later those who enter it must sink into ba/barisra and eternal dejection. Against the prevailing sentiments of free- loveism in our age, every young lady should set her face like a flint. She should never consent to listen to a lecture from a male or female who would ad- vocate it. Thistle and cockle seed when allowed to be sown, may. take root in good soil. So, many a pure and unsuspecting girl has listened to false teachings to her grief and sorrow. Since the devil tempted Eve, he has been especially busy for the downfall of her sex. And this is marked in the follies of freelovers and freethinkers. Debauchery, sin and death are in this cnp. It is a little delicate, my loved Niece, to reply to your question : " Has not a woman a- right to remain single and expect respect among men?" Most assuredly. But the prevailing fashions and opinions of society make it delicate to treat upon such a point. Because some 60 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. girls are what are termed " old maids," they are looked upon as almost outside of society. It should not be so. They should be esteemed as highly as the best. Very few are there who have not had opportunities to marry and be surrounded with happy households of their own. Varied motives and surroundings have prevented. A lack of love, crime, unfaithfulness, death, or some other cause, unknown to us, may have smitten their hearts for long years. The unmarried as well as the married lady, young or old, should have our highest con- siderations of love and respect in all her God-given relations, surroundings and providences. Yours, in high esteem of woman, A. P. G. LETTER XII. A GOOD HOME. My Dear Niece: " You ask me what are the characteristics of a good home?" Important as prominent and effective, a faithful, loving wife, and a kind, considerate husband. And with them the first thing to be received, experienced and deeply cherished, is religion. I say this because of the nature of the "divine institution" in the relation of marriage. No husband and wife can be happy and prosperous, and honor the Giver of their home as they should, without this. You may think this radical doctrine. Radical or not, it is true. There is not a particle of good reason why you or I should let the standard down from this position one iota. How can we, in wisdom or rea- son? If the institution of marriage and the home is divine, why should it not be maintained as such? The reverse is the curse of our land and age to-day. There is so much looseness in forming the marriage and establishing the home. And then in the en- joyment of religion, two things should be observed with the greatest care. The famity altar for prayer, and the study of the Bible as a family. These two 61 62 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. things cannot be neglected with safety. They are to the home what the foundation stones are to the house, and what the leaven is to the bread. No characteristic of the home can shine brighter or be in ore productive of sweet and hallowed influence. I know of nothing on earth so blessed as family pray- er. And in this, where all the circle come together at least once a day for the purpose of reading the word of the Lord, and song and prayer, there is un- told blessing. And further, when each member of the family, sometimes the husband, and sometimes the wife and sometimes the child, alternate in their turn in prayer, great is the joy. This benefit may also be enhanced if a habit is formed to hold a family prayer meeting once a week, when each member shall engage in prayer vocally. Such a moral foundation by the training of years would build a wall of hallowed strength around all the succeeding years of the family. Let me also add a word more about making familiar use of the Bible in the family. Do not hand over all the religious instruction of the family to the Sunday school and the church. There should be in this respect a "church in thy house." The father and mother should see to it that special hours are selected for topical family circle Bible readings. I said the father and mother, but I may add the mother especially. If such government as ought to be had A GOOD HOME. 63 is maintained, it must be mainly under her control. She should see to it that the hour is fixed, arrange- ments matured and order and system in the happiest style maintained. I may also say that the begin- ning of this course of life should be on the tak- ing of wedded vows and joining in the new life together. Delay might peril a life of usefulness and happiness. Another characteristic is neatness. This should be particularly observed by every young lady who would make a good home. No man likes to see his wife a sloven woman. Many men would be made miserable and unhappy by this. There is a power to elevate comfort and happify the home in the personal and practical neatness of a woman. When not only about her dress and person there is attractive neatness, bnt when the children are washed and combed, and presented to a returning father and husband, tired and careworn, there is cheer and gladness such as can not be found in the rags and filth of earth. But more than this. How much attractiveness a woman contributes to a good home when she determines her husband shall ever find the house neat and orderly, the walls adorned with varieties of pictures, mottoes, and various tasty forms of adornment. It^is good, I assure yon. And in these little things are found jewels of worth. There is still another element that enters into the marks of a happy home circle. A spirit 64 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. of love and gentleness. Nothing can be a substi- tute for this. And if the wife and mother, the woman of the house, does not maintain this, there is little hope of it in any member of the family. And even if others were somewhat amiable in spirit and disposition, and she were irritable, peevish and ugly, the sunlight is hid behind a cloud. Few indeed are the men who cannot be molded in dis- position by the affectionate loveliness of a woman. This is her God-given gift, and she should use it to grace every relation of her home. Another charac- teristic is intelligence. Yet knowledge may be a power for evil as well as a power for good. And this is as true in the family as anywhere. The lit- erature of the home should be pure, sound and inspiring to elevate all the tendencies of the moral nature. Fictitious books, such as low novels, and lightstories of wild romance, in column after column of weekly or monthly novel papers, are not fit for the family. In some respects they may not be act- ually sinful, but they are not good food for the mind. No treasure of such worth was ever committed to a banker as the immortal mind that is committed to the home circle for care. Every such soul in the family should be guarded from sin and trained in holiness. If the woman does not do it, who will? And in view of this weighty thought, the wife should see to it that the home is supplied, so far as A GOOD HOME. 65 means will permit, with literature of a good kind, and enough of it. If she does not do this, she is unworthy of the trust she lias taken. Economy, too, will contribute to the attractiveness and happi- ness of the home. Few men can hear extravagance. True, some men are extravagant themselves, and will indulge a wife in it without a murmur. But such usually come to grief. Most men admire a frugal and industrious wife. Even the wealthy like this. I have known some women who had wealth, and seemed to think poverty impossible, and were extravagant as foolishness and fashion could make them. They would train themselves, their children, and all the circumstances of their home, to bow to the most lavish calls, until they were crushed beneath the wheels of bankruptcy, and their home was a scene of unfortunate wretchedness. Better when coffers are full to school every habit to economy, then if the days of darkness should come, there are means at hand and brains and adaptability to use them. The work of the woman is to shape matters in these channels. It is as much her business to save and economize as it is the husband's to make the money. Preparations to do this home work cannot begin too early. Every man with brains and heart is pleased with this. And without it the home is very defective. The last characteristic which I will mention, my dear Etha, is Affection. 66 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. Love in the home if you do not love anywhere else. Let the home begin in love, continue in love, and end in love. Alas! that so many get the false idea that the honeymoon should last only a few weeks. Such a notion is false and wrong. It is disastrous to many a home, is productive of infidelity and unfaithfulness, and the thought should never be entertained for a moment. The purest love, God- given, divinely consecrated, and hallowed by the affections of true hearts, should form the perpetual net- work of the home circle. Most sincerely, A. P. G. LETTER XIII. YOU CAN BE A TRUE WOMAN. My Dear Niece : A true woman. What un- bounded meaning, and almost incomprehensible thoughts that are wrapt up in this term. How desolate that spot on earth where a woman cannot be found. Desolate indeed. But it is worse than desolate if there be one who has the form of wo- man but whose character has all the marks of untrue- ness. Bright indeed is that place where there resides woman fair, lovelj- and pure. It is an Eden of at- tractiveness. And I do not marvel that you ask the question, " What is a true woman? " Do you know, my child, what constitutes the genuineness of gold coin? Pure metal. The gold separated from the quartz and shaped for use. So with woman, God-made and God-given, to bless the man. By culture and grace she may be shaped with more capabilities for the service of blessing than any other created being. The great Creator never gave an angel such an exalted position as woman. Angels may inhabit the celestial empire, strike their harps, and with added carol strains make the arches of paradise ring, but they have no part iu 6V 68 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. making and shaping unsullied characters to reign forever in the sinless kingdom. This, woman can do, and God has appointed her to the office. What making and molding are in her hands. A respon- sibility of beauty, loveliness and worth that an angel might well covet. And, as charity begins at home, so does this experience and work. Young lady, as your eyes scan this letter, do not shrink. Your task is not hard, but glorious; not impossible, but blessedly within your reach. True greatness is often in simplicity. So true womanhood is oftener found in the wisdom, spirit and action of a child- like nature than anywhere else. Alas, how many young ladies, when they have maintained purity of character, think they are entitled to the claim of being true women. They might do this and be the next thing to a blank in the world. Character, with nerve and purpose for a good action, is what the world demands to-day. No drone is tolerated with respect; but as the little drops of water make the ocean, so little actions make up our life. And as the blank sheet of paper can not be read without t\'pe and ink, no more can your character be under- stood without acts. The trueness of a woman's principles will ever be judged by her actions. Then I say to you, dear Etha, at once commence to ex- alt your womanhood into the highest type of excellence. You can do it. If you do not fully YOU CAN BE A TRUE WOMAN. 69 succeed, you can ascend a long way upward. Step by step makes the ladder, and it takes but a little strength to make a step at a time, but by and by the top is reached. You may meet obstacles, but go around them, climb over them, crawl through them, put them out of your way, go on by some means. Tunnel the mountain in some way, but never let it stop you. What woman is there who has ever attained any position of worth and good- ness that has not encountered many a hard struggle? It is not enough for you, then, to claim trueness simply because you have maintained a life of chas- tity. Beyond that put all your affections, and moral powers and physical and mental energies into one grand array of conquering forces, and march them out to conquer in the arena of life and they will conquer. In our country, victories, not defeats, are the order of the day. This, many a young lady has to learn by frequent buffetings upon the storm-furrowed ocean of life. But while I have given you these thoughts to inspire you to right motives, action and attainments, I must not finish this letter without at least briefly glancing at your questions that have such bearing upon true womanhood. " What aids will best enable me to be a trite woman? " Of course I should urge education as first and prominent. The cardinal branches of the schools of learning should be mas- 70 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. tered as far as brains and circumstances will permit. And don't neglect music. But do not let your lettered acquisitions of knowledge run riot with worldly wisdom. Seek, then, to have every attain ment consecrated to a good end. Ask God to give wisdom to guide all your strength and talent. Do not be aimless in life ; and above all, aim high. Girls with a true purpose are the standard-bearers called for. Let me urge you, also, in my reply, that in the make-up of your womanly course, you regard with no small degree of care the power of association. Were I writing to young men I should insist on this. Bad company is often their bane ; it may be none the less with you. I do not mean, barely, that you be careful what gentlemen you associate with, but look well to your lady com- panions. Scan their moral beliefs, habits of thought, company and action, and if these are not such as to elevate your mind, soul and body, make a new selection at once. So many young ladies evidently aim only to prey upon society by making a vain show in the world. If this is their only purpose, better that they were out of the world, and surely they are not fit companions for one who wants to build up a true, womanly character. Also, my dear Etha, I would advise you to select a choice course of reading to help the superstructure of your youthful building. You should not attempt to YOU CAN BE A TRUE WOMAN. 71 read everything, for two reasons, first, you have not time, and second, you cannot afford to spend time, money or talent on that which will not profit. 1 simply give you this hinc among the aids to true womanhood. But when I get a little leisure I will write you a letter about reading. I will just speak of one other thing that you will find peculiarly helpful. Ask and accept the advice, counsel and influence of the seniors of your sex. This is a time when young ladies, as a rule, do not have that re- gard for the wisdom of their mothers and friends which they should. Improve the first, best, and every opportunity that you can for this help, and you will never regret it. You ask, "Can I be true and encourage that which is false? " Not if you willfully do this. Possibly there may be limes when you may seem compelled to do so by circumstances beyond your control. In such an instance you may be able to maintain purity of heart and motive. Yes, and dignity, too. But firm action and decision will increase your personal happiness and win the respect and confidence of others. This question is vital: What is the lest evidence that a youny ladg is a true woman?" I answer, TO BE ONE. Most respectfully. LETTER XIV. MANNER OF DRESS. My Dear Niece: A few days ago I saw a bal- ance which gave a hint at some strong facts and a little fiction. On perforated card-board worked with zephyr were placed on a little cross-bar the words "Ha, Ha." Suspended from this by small red cords was another and wider bar with this inscription, "Modern love;" and beneath this, hanging upon other cords, were two scale pans. In one raised high above the other was placed an imitation heart. In the other two small white bags, filled with bran or sawdust. These bags thus filled with use- less stuff, and bearing down the balance, were made to represent the affections and character of the world to-day, while the heart that should out- weigh gold, silver, dress, fashion, and every light appearance, and be serving the world with God- like devotion, is made to fly up in the scale, and appear like the winds that pass and are forgotten. " Modern love." My heart sank within me when I gazed at this scene. If mockery, it is a disgrace. If reality, it is a shame. But when I think how much pretention is put into outward manners and MANNER OF DRESS. 73 gorgeous dress, 1 am overwhelmed with the inev- itable consequences. But I turn from this lesson of the balance, and let it bear its own weight upon your heart and life, dear Etha. If you do not need it give it to those that do. I fear there are plenty of them. In all the ages fine dressing has effected far too much deception and misery. This is a truth that can not be overthrown until there is a change in manner and custom about dress. But while I make this statement, I would not lower the standard of neatness or good taste a particle. No, not for a moment. I would remove nothing that good reason could dictate. As you ask *' What are some of the characteristics of good dressing f" I will draw a few lines, at least, for your thought. One mark that should be observed, is to keep the ex- pense of the dress in keeping with the home. If a young lady is at home, and parents are struggling to maintain the family, she should do this. If she supports herself, to undertake to dress above the ability of the family is not wise, because it would serve to raise a false standard between herself and her home. If the woman is married, she should always seek to dress within the range of home ability. Nothing can discourage a husband sooner than a wife appearing in society with a manner of dress he can not maintain. I mean a man who is trying to "get on in the world." And if wealth 74 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. abounds in the home, undue extravagance should never be tolerated, because it forms a slavish habit of taste that often comes to grief, and sets up a false standard for children and others. Often wealth is soon gone. Yet the pains of want linger; and under such circumstances, habits of foolish ex- travagance tell their own story. Then I say, young lady ,. do not seek to build up a character for happi- ness and usefulness on such a foundation. Fancy !< silks and fine ribbons never did furnish a girl with a character of love, virtue, and solid comfort, and they never will. It is not in the nature of the case. I say, then, dress neatly, in good taste, and with reasonable expense, and let the adornment of womanly graces exceed the attractions of outward apparel. But here let me say a word to mothers, and young mothers, especially. Do not dress the darling little ones which God has given you in the sad fashion of not a few all around us. It is not only foolish, but wicked. I mean perverting taste and creating wrong desires in their precious hearts. Nature has made them angel-like enough, and they \ do not need the adornment that many foolish moth- ers put on them. How many are nursed and dressed to death. Tastes are unconsciously formed by many a mother that become the utter ruin of her daugh- ter afterwards. In these tender years .the seeds of moral death are sown in the elegant and extrav- MANNER OF DRESS. 71 agant dressing of many a girl. Abundance o wealth can never apologize for such disaster. N< person cun love little children more than I; and i is because of this love that I appeal to the mother in this way. Together with the blessed nature ol little children, water and soap and simplicity ol dress will make your little girls attractive enoug] to command the world around them. But you ask " fs comfort to be observed, especially in dress? Listen, my child, while I turn to this vital poinl I apprehend that not only comfort is implied ii what you ask, but health, happiness, and even lif itself. Do you think God made the women to lac themselves up so much like the hooping of a but ter-tub or beef-barrel, as many do, to their owi misery and wretchedness? By this you knov many a girl almost becomes a self-murderer. I is high time we had more earnest and determine< reform in this matter. Will you, and all the younj ladies who read these lines, begin at once? Wha a service you may do your country and age if yoi will. Most truly, YOUR UNCLE. LETTER XV. EMPLOYMENT FOR YOUNG LADIES. My Dear Niece: This matter of employment for young ladies should not be passed lightly. It is vital, both for health and happiness. It is ut- terly impossible for a young lady to have that development she ought of mental and physical strength unless she feels the weight of responsibil- ity. To this she should be trained. And let me add, it should not be a heavy load that she is not able to bear. Care should be had in this. And room given amid the daily work and cares for laugh and play. The demands of buoyancy and youthful society are vital in their proper place. " All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." This is also true of Kate and Eliza. So give full latitude to the humorous and buoyant in her nature. But to answer the ends of this letter, my dear Etha, I hardly need allude to play. There is full enough notion given to the girls in this direction. The tendency of our age is by far too much to keep the girls for parties, entertainments, and the like, rather than to serve in some profitable way. Any- thing but to engage in real hard labor. And, as sure as there is a future, I believe the women of 76 EMPLOYMKNT FOR YOl N<. LA I >!!:>. 77 our land will yet find that, in proportion as they have lowered the standard of labor, they will be without muscle, strength and nerve, and a phys- ical fitness to enjoy life and be a blessing. " Is it essential for a young lady to have em- ployment? " I suppose you mean some useful service to com- mand her time and talent. Most assuredly. By all means teach her to do something. Any notion foreign to this must be disastrous to soul and body. And I believe mothers, as a rule, are culpable on this point. While the little girl is three, four, six, and eight years old she should be taught to work. Not at too hard work, but to do the little things. She is just as capable of doing little things in work as she is in play. Why not trim and wash the dress of her doll, sweep up the dirt she has scattered in play, pick up thedishes upon the table, brush up the crumbs, set back the chairs, pick up the chips, and put the kindling wood in its place, pick up the potatoes in the garden, carry away the dressing from the vege- tables, and help pick over the berries? Not to over- tax her tender physical energies, but to do the lit- tle things. As long as our girls are brought up to think that Bridget is to do all the work, we shall never have such women to bless our land as we ought to have. 78 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. "Should she work if she has wealth?" Yes. This should make no difference so far as the de sign of her life arid happiness are concerned. I af- firm, and shall continue to affirm until it is shown to the contrary, that wealth cannot give solid com- fort. Of course, it is convenient. But it cannot give true happiness. And a young lady that ex- cuses herself from labor because she is wealthy makes a great mistake and is in danger. The dan- ger is that she will become worldy and sinful. And as far as she can control her wealth, it will be lav- ished upon the path of unsatisfying tastes. But let her learn the art of labor and industry, and her tastes will be so cultured as to apply her wealth in unbounded good, good that shall bring unspeak- able pleasure to her own heart and gather fragrant memories around her name when she lies in the si- lent grave. And who would not crave such a lot? You ask, " Is she justified in seeking her own pleasure while her mother drudges at home? " No, she is not. And I have been long convinced that many a young lady has to blunt the keen edge of her conscience to do this. If there is a place on earth where love should reign supreme, it is be- tween a daughter and her mother. No young lady need tell me she really loves her mother if she is willing to leave to her the work of washing EMPLOYMKXT FOR YOUNG LADIES. 79 dishes, sweeping floors, caring for the little chil- dren, Monday washings, house cleaning, and the like, while she is a devotee of pleasure, novel read- ing, social calling, varied parties, and circus visit- ing. She cannot make me believe it. Her highest happiness does not lie in this direction. She should be by the side of her loved mother to help and to cheer. And here her pleasure would flow like a river. " Is it a disgrace to do housework?" There is no doubt but that it is so considered by many. This ought not so to be. And in reality it is not true. But, as I can devote but a few lines to this, I want most emphatically to say that it is my conviction that our girls will never be what the demands of the hour require until our people, in city and country, learn to consider housework re- spectable. The servant girl should be taken into the family and treated as one of the number. Why not? You say, "They are servants. They are be- neath us." What is that you say? "Beneath usf" Who made them so? Men, by human opinions and prejudices. Surely this is not the work of the great Creator. They have minds, souls, characters, life immortal. They should be called upon at prop- er times to mingle in the family in a social way, and in song and prayer. A radical reform in some way in this respect, in city and country, is the need 80 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. of the hour. I know the great obstacles that meet us here, but wisdom and perseverance can overcome them. God requires it. It should be so, if for no other purpose than to make house labor honorable, for the good health and happiness of our girls and coining wives. This sentiment is not communism, but Christianity and common sense. " Is it her duty to become familiar with all kinds of domestic service? " By all means, as far as possible. There is not one young lady in a thousand who lives to mature years, but that some- times has a need for such knowledge. And moth- ers and daughters should spare no pains for these acquisitions. Much more could be said about the employment of young ladies in professions and different spheres of life, but this letter is now too long, and, hoping these few hints may do some good, I close. YOUK UNCLE. LETTEE XVI. READING. Dedr Niece: Now I will sit down a few moments to talk to you about reading. And first, let me say, every young lady should have a library. Be it large or small, she should have a library. I know it is seldom you hear of such a thing as a woman's library. But how often we hear some- thing said about Mr. So-and-So's library. Why not let the women have one too? They have brains, heart, mental powers and moral influence. Why not encourage them to get accumulations of books, good books, books that will strengthen their pow- ers of thought and fit them to give mental nerve to society? We give the girls as well as the boys ed- ucation, and the time has come when they are being allowed a place in the best seats in our colleges. In keeping with these advantages, the knowledge they acquire should be located in the best possible position to develop and enlarge. Young ladies ought to be versed in knowledge so as to entertain and instruct all around them. Their associations with young men demand this. And to filling the place of wives and mothers, it is indispensable. 6 81 82 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. Nothing can be a substitute for this to rightly mold the minds of the children and home. It is sad to see young ladies as soon as they are out of school lay down their books. And if they give themselves to reading at all, it is a serial story, or some other light production in which they wade through long pages to get a mere impression of a moral. Why not cultivate a taste, make advances, and accumulate an array of books that will give more substantial brain-power, and thus bless the world? Think of it, my dear Etha, and begin a library at once, and make no cessation until you have reached a good end that will satisfy your brain and heart. Now, I will answer some of your questions. " How shall I know what to read?" Consult, first, your tastes and inclinations. If they are right, tested by the decisions of your better judg- ment, follow their dictation. If not, change them now while you are young. It is a golden moment. Now you can mold your mind, as well as a boy can learn the carpenter's trade, or a girl the millin- er's. Then do it, and compel your mind to right tastes and culture, both in the acquisition and use of knowledge. Then I would urge that you make a rule to select no book or paper for reading but that will prove a benefit. Life is too short, and the mind is worth too much to waste on tales of fiction BEADING. 83 and romance. There is no end to good books and papers, as well as bad ones. You can select with- out difficulty. It is true, there are books of alle- gorical fiction such as Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress and the like, that will give you lessons of good en- tertainment and instruction on their every page. Beware of trashy reading matter out of which you cannot get a sentence to make you better. " What amount of time shall I devote to read- ing? " Some, every day. And from one to two hours a day if it is at all practicable. Remember that many little things that you often allow to com- mand your time, will not profit or satisfy yourself as much as reading. The mind needs food as much as the body. Then arrange to give it proper time, as much as you would breakfast, dinner and supper. How many girls waste time that should be spent in reading. u Does light reading unfit a young lady for that which is permanent and good!" No more than a man's taking liquor and becoming intoxicated will unfit him for good service. But it will act the same way, in a greater or less degree. And just here, I want to suggest two things. One is, when a selection of reading is made for the railroad cars, O 7 do not take a novel of ordinary cast, but take a substantial book, magazine, or something that will do you good. The other is, read the Bible every 84 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. day. Do not stop to debate its divinity or truth- fulness. But read it. These are questions that have been settled long ago, and the unbelief and infidelity of the age, or the ages, can not unsettle them. Bead, then, this book of books and it will do more to prepare you for good reading than any other means. " Is reading aloud a benefit ?" I should rec- ommend the practice to all young ladies. It would be a personal benefit. But more than this, she ought to be fitted to read in the family, and es- pecially in the sick room. Affectionately, YOUK UNCLE. LETTER XVII. FASHION. My Dear Niece: What a field for thought, action and influence is this. Every body is more or less controlled by fashion. "What is fashion?" "The state of anything with regard to its external appearance. A model to be imitated." So you see fashion can be good or bad. It may be in dress or in habit, in learning or in ignorance, in wealth or in poverty, in filth or in cleanliness, in vice or in virtue. Anything that can be patterned after indi- vidually, or as a community. I am aware that this view may divert a little from the notion of your mind. It is nevertheless true. Doubtless you have thought that what we call fashion consists alone in gorgeous apparel, gold, ornaments, and the like. Not so. "Are not many fashions hurtful ?" Yes, they aro. This is self-evident. A large portion of every community conform to evil fashions. Although young ladies are seldom profane, I want to just mention here the custom, perhaps I may say passion, to swear. Fearful custom! It is fast becoming a disgrace to our land. You may say, what have young ladies to do with this fashion? 85 86 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. If nothing else, they allow it to go unrebuked by far too much. It is hurtful; and then another fashion, a sad one, is the use of tobacco. I am aware that few women use the filthy weed. Some do. But do you suppose that if young ladies set their faces like a flint against this pernicious habit, it would stalk abroad unbridled and unchecked in every rank of society, as it does? No, no; and I am quite fully convinced that this growing evil will never be corrected until she, whose sex suffers most from its filth and annoyance, shall take the field, form a mighty army, and crush out the enemy. So with intemperance, a fashion indeed in many circles, but a baneful one. Oh, that the fair, affectionate, and influential young ladies of our land, by the millions, would besiege the Congress of our country with commanding petitions until it should obey the sum- mons, and enact laws utterly forbidding the manu- facture, use or importing of intoxicants. What happy hearts, happy lives, and happy homes would follow. I might also allude to the fashion of playing cards that decoys many a soul in the way to death; and that of dancing, that so sedncingly allures many a young lady into sin, covering her path with roses until she plunges into the vortex. Many other phases could be presented, but you catch the answer to your question: "Are not many fash- ions beneficial /" Of course every wrong thing FASHION. 87 has its opposite. So with fashion. When you see a young lady truth-loving, sedate, modest, kind, gentle, lady-like, and commanding a vast influence for good, would you not like to pattern after her? Or, in other words, to follow her example? A custom to be happily social is to be welcomed with gladness. Sometimes I find a whole commu- nity quite given to a fashion of high-toned moral- ity. This proves beneficial to all of its inhab- itants. I am well aware that some will say: "That is all foolish, distasteful, unsatisfying." It may be to those who claim it thus. We are not debat- ing questions of taste, but of benefit; and I affirm that there is neither reason or wisdom in any posi- tion or practice that will work an injury physical or moral to any person. I mean that we have reason to believe will do so. Fashions that will elevate and bear fruit in true happiness are to be admired and followed. Methinks yourself, and every reader of this letter, will say yes to this. Then what are we to say to the opposite! There are fash- ions of pleasure, study, work, and society, that are beneficial. Then wisely select and follow them. " How far ought a Christian to follow fashion?" Just as far as it will conform to a holy life. Etha, this question lies at the very root of Christian ex- perience and Christian life. I do not believe you, or any other respectable girl, can be pleased with a 88 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. hypocrite; and certainly not with hypocrisy. The world does not read the Bible or religious books very much, but it reads you and reads me. It scans the life of the Christian; it translates every line of the vocabulary of our life acts. They often under- stand us better than we do ourselves. Understand me, I have said that we may have holy fashions as well as sinful ones; and I must say, as a man de- termined to stand up for the highest principles of virtue, that it is the Christian's business to follow fashions of holiness and virtue. For example, there are a large class of our fellow-citizens who run as naturally to the fashion of theater-going as water runs down hill. They think it is right, legitimate, love it, and pursue it. This is a fashion Christians should not follow. As a branch of en- tertaining society it is pernicious. Its very make- up compels this influence and conclusion. Who- ever knew of a theater manager being a Christian? You might as well undertake to have fire without heat as for an unchristian person to form suitable society and fashions for a Christian. What is a Christian? Not a bare professional human being, but a new creature. The subject of a kingdom that is not of this world; though living in the world, not of it. Having a citizenship in heaven, he breathes joys that this world knows nothing about. This many a sainted soul on earth, and many a i \MIION. 89 one in glory, can attest. I know it. Others know it. Neither wicked men nor devils can gainsay this fact. They have that which can satisfy the soul; and when the fashion of the world passeth away, they will continue to bathe in the ocean of un- sullied bliss. Ever}' emotion of our immortal na- ture exults over this blissful heart experience, or cries out for it from the depths of the heart ; and there can be no deception in this matter. There is no lasting satisfaction in gold, silver, and the pleasures of the world ; but there is of a true knowledge of God in the soul. The theater, then, cannot spread a table suitable for the Christian. It would be like asking one who had been accustomed to drink from a pure stream now to drink from a muddy pool. Then, in a word, I say to all Chris- tians, do not follow a baneful thing to your hurt because it is fashion. "Is a fashionable woman necessarily a vain and worldly one?" If you mean because she dresses finely, and moves in the higher circles of culture, I answer no. Possibly there may be a heart of love, grace, and consecra- tion behind all this. I believe I have known such, the genuineness of whose experience, and the cor- rectness of whose life none could question. Cir- cun st-mces beyond their control may have actuated them along such fashionable lines. Piety can reign as well in a palace as in. a cabin ; and there 90 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. may be no more religion in a calico than a silk dress. Some people have just as much pride in poverty as others do in rishes. What should be guarded against is taking steps in any fashion that will hurt and destroy. "/ Breakers " are there, and the beautiful vessel may soon be dashed to pieces upon them, and that, too, in the darkest night. Her virtues and character are of too much value to be thus let loo e unbridled. Advantage will be taken by wily foes to build upon the original cause, and add other causes to the poisonous sentiments of unbelief. And with 100 LETTERS TO A YOUXG LADY. all the power of my pen and heart, impelled by the sad testimonies of a long array of witnesses in years past, up to this present, I urge and entreat young ladies to beware of the entertainment and consequences of skeptical hearts. In one form or other they degenerate, and continually lead down- ward. " Do not men generally, however skeptical they inay be themselves, admire religious belief and conduct in woman? " In all my life, and in all grades of society, not a single exception to the af- firmative of this question have I known. Neither do I ever expect to know of one. In spite of all infidel sentiments and influences, this conviction lies buried throughout our land. Thanks for its resurrection on all proper occasions. Every man wants a good wife; and every man wants a mother to guard and bring up his children, who is good, and that by every word and act of her life gives assurance that her instruction shall be for good, and not evil. Think of a wife and mother who is a Sabbath breaker, a swearer, perchance a drunk- ard, a thief, a liar, or an infidel, any or all of these! What man man could respect and love such a one as the trainer of his children, and the head sunlight of his home? Yea, may I not ask, can he admire her in crude manners, coarse and unwomanly ap- pearance, and anything but gentle and lady- like SKEPTICISM OF YOUNG LADIES. 101 in speech? No, no! A true husband ever wishes to admire the presence and appearance, and belief of his wife, yea, of every woman, whether she be his wife or not. This is the very instinctive long- ing of his heart. Would that I could press this in thunder tones upon every young lady. It is just here that many a young lady makes a mistake. For fear of offending her beau, or losing her chance of marriage, she will smother her convic- tions, and appear to have indecision. No young man who is worthy and has good elements of man- hood in him could respect such a course. Good minded men cannot be fooled in that way. But otherwise, to my certain knowledge, they admire religious decision in any woman. And to all the young ladies who shall read these lines, I do feel to state this feature strongly. "What are some of the baneful effects of skep- ticism upon a young lady? " Skepticism is in- variably demoralizing in habits and influence. And not unfrequently fearfully so. This is felt adversely upon her influence at home. It weakens the power of her moral forces for her own happiness and that of others. This is vital. But it does not stop here. She has associates and influence, and here her sad and false doctrines will exert their power. It will often lead her best friends to grieve and be suspicions of her future influence. I do 102 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. not mean to intimate that her chastity may not be right, or her life pure, so far as moral citizenship is concerned, but it is deeply imbedded in the heart of the people in this Christian land, that if a woman is a skeptic, she is not as strong morally as she might and ought to be. But the saddest effect is, it will ruin her soul. " WJiatis the lest cure for her skepticism? " Stop it. This can be done by yielding to honest convictions. I mean the convictions that in spite of all unbelief hold faithfully to the commendation of all that is good. An honest reading and study of the Bible will go a long way toward removing this moral incubus that so preys upon society. You are not the first one who has inquired, "What is the best cure?" Many a one well-nigh stranded upon the very sandbars of unbelief has done it. I warn, entreat and beseech you to stop in these fiist steps of your danger. And I say again, read the Bible with an honest heart. You should dread to be caught in the meshes of unbelief, as a burnt child would dread the tire. It would be as difficult to gather choice fruit from your life after you have allowed infidelity to take root, as it would be to raise a good crop of vegetables from a nice garden after the weeds and briers had been permitted to grow. Check, then, the very buddings of doubt in your heart. Do not say, "I cannot." You can. SKEPTICISM OF YOUNG LADIES. 103 You can control this as well as your education in other things. I do not mean to say it is all a mat- ter of culture. God your Maker will help you. He is pledged to do it. The fanner does not grow the wheat. He plows and sows, and looks to Him who sends rain on the just and on the unjust, to give the crop. Then, my friend, employ the means, read good books, study good things, seek wise counsel, and ask the All- wise to help and deliver you, and he will do it. Let no young lady tell me she cannot. She might just as well tell me she could not save herself from the assaults and threat- en ings of an impure life. You may, and ought, as a young lady in the very beginning of womanhood, to lay hold of helps and experiences that will bless your whole life with the unspeakable joys of true faith. YOUR UNOLE. LETTER XX. TREATMENT OF THE UNFORTUNATE. My Dear Niece Etha: This letter opens a sub- ject well worthy the attention of the highest gift. It is no less than love and care for unfortunate girls. I do not mean those left orphans or without homes, but those who have taken sad steps into sin. Amid my heart sympathies and earnest work to save my fellowmen for years, this subject has called forth pity and love, and burning words of rebuke, hope and winning; rebuke to many good women who idly look on without extending help and hope to the worst who have fallen. All good people are agreed that the condition of an unfortunate girl is a sad one, and that a helping hand should be stretched out to the rescue and blessing of every such one. But the question is, how, when and by whom shall the work be done? Of course I can only give a very few hints in this short letter. May the Lord ripen them into words and acts of comfort by somebody and in some way, to some unfortunate girl who is eating the bread of sorrow. Sure am I that it is a burning shame that the more fortunate woman and girls of our land 104 TREATMENT OF THE UNFORTUNATE. 105 treat this class with the contempt and neglect that they do. I know that female nature is keen and sensitive. And when a girl has taken a misstep all her sex feel that they are brought into reproach. But this is no justification of neglect of the abused and sad, even though they may be in the lowest depths of filth and degradation. Not long since a woman, fine and commanding in words and appear- ance, stood before an audience of women, and stated that she knew a young woman who went astray; step after step she plunged into the depths. In character she had reached almost the lowest depths of infamy, blackness and misery. In words obscene and blasphemous, her equal could hardly be found. She had indeed become a terror to all around. Sitting one day upon a box in an unfurnished room, haggard and wretched, a kind, loving woman one of Jesus' representatives came by her side and printed a kiss upon her forehead. "What did you do that for?" was the ugly response. " Because / love you" was the reply, " Nobody loves me," was the retort. At this the kiss was repeated. It subdued her. She was melted into tenderness, repentance and virtue, and was saved. After relat- ing the narrative, the speaker continued: "And that miserable, lost woman, now saved, stands before you to-day." Of course the whole assembly were melted into tears, tenderness and love, but the 106 LETTERS TO A YOUNG- LADY. question comes, " Who'll be the next," to go and do likewise? Will not every woman, young or old, who reads these lines, ask herself the ques- tion, Have I personally anything to do in this mat- ter? Is it the mission of woman to treat such a class for reform? My dear Etha, how would you answer that ques- tion yourself ? I hear you say, " Certainly." And I join you heart and hand in that answer. When a young lady is sick with fever or accident, do you call the carpenter, the shoemaker, the baker, the laborer, or men of any profession, to soothe, nurse and care for her when a woman can be found to do it? Never. Then why in the saddest of all sick- ness? Call in the helps of men if you will, all the helps possible, but let the women stand in their lot and place in this matter. A diamond ring slipped from the finger of an elegantly dressed lady into the filth and sewerage of the gutter as she alighted from the carriage. She asked a man near by to put his hand in and get it out. He waited a little, then made the effort, but failed, saying it had probably washed along and gone down into the sewer. " Gone down into the sewer!" What a startling thought about the dia- mond; but a million times more dreadful about the girls of untold worth, who are being washed into TKEATMENT OF THE UNFORTUNATE. 107 the sewer of moral and eternal death, while so many proud, elegantly-dressed women are asking the men to do the work of saving them. As the words, " It has probably washed down into the sewer," escaped the man's lips, the lady took off her glove, and pushing back her silks, ruffles and laces, and plung- ing her hand into the filth and dirty water, soon brought up the bright diamond. This woman did what the man failed to do. So the women of our land everywhere should push back the silks, laces and ruffles, and go in search of the lost girls who once shone so brightly, but are now buried in the sewers of sin. This is one of the imperative de- mands of. the hour. But I hear you say many good young women hesitate even to be seen in such company, because of the fear of public opinion. In the name of heaven, then crush public opinion ! 1 I know that this idea of " public opinion " is as a mighty besom that is sweeping against the tide of moral reform. Go, in spite of it. Guard well your character and life. Take a police, half a dozen if need be, any men or women of character, to stand guard while you go behind the curtain to bring forth the lost jewel. Oh, that the young ladies of our land would undertake this work, and give the world to understand that they mean business. Then, what a power and what results 1 " Should they be treated with charity? " 108 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. There is no other way to treat them successfully. Jesus did so, and in carrying out the work it is evident that he summoned to his aid all those women who labored with him in the Gospel. Sin may and should be reproved at proper times and places, but kindness and love are invariably the sure remedies. Kindly sympathy is what the fallen and suffering want. " How should they be treated if belonging to one's own kindred and circle? " Very much as though it were otherwise. The sin is the same, the sorrow of heart is the same, the pangs strike just as deep, and the needs are the same. All these just the same before God. There is a " blood tie " of heart nearness that should not and can not be broken. But in the cure of the malady this should be overlooked as far as possible. It is true that the lost diamond while it is in the sewer is worth just as much, whether it belongs to you or any other, and when found shines just as bright. It is the getting it out that we are after. And when restored, it may be more precious to the owner than ever before. " How should they be treated after being re- claimed? " Not by neglect, as if the work of saving was complete. There should be the greatest care and uursing. Entertain the greatest degree of confi- TREATMENT OF THE UNFORTUNATE. 109 dence and assurance in the matter. Then use the means to establish this position. Every reform that lias ever succeeded in the world has employed these weapons. As with the success of an enterprise, so with an individual. The apparently strong babe needs for growth and life to be tenderly nursed and cared for as much as the sickly one. In teaching sympathy and help this should be made a personal matter. And do not forget or neglect to pray with as well as/br, the restored ones. Sit by their side in a retired way not unfrequently, and point out comforting and sustaining words of Scripture, and bow with them in mutual vocal prayer, bringing before God every temptation, weakness, want and need. This will help, happify and save. " How is society wont to treat the unfortunates?" Usually as though they were abandoned of God and man. And it is a sad picture to know of this treatment as we do. It is Satan in public opinion. True, there are noble exceptions to this. But in the church and good society, where we have a right to look for help and u bread," they get neglect and a "stone." And of course the world, the chilly world, will not do the work of reform, and could not do it properly if they would. They might do much toward saving the lost body, but the soul they can not bless. I must just add before closing this letter, that there should bo a guarding of our words 110 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. in condemning the unfortunate, because we may know so little of the motives and circumstances which led them astray. Matters entirely beyond their control may have forced the first step. And then, perchance, unintentionally they were, driven on by those who should have given sympathy and love, and have led in the better way. YOUR AFFECTIONATE UNCLE. LETTER XXI. TEMPTATIONS AT SCHOOL. My Dear Niece: You know little now about the influence of your school days. It makes little dif- ference whether they are improved or unimproved to make them a felt power in the years to come. If evil, it will be felt. If good, it will be felt. As true as there is a character, it is being stamped in school days. And it is, doubtless, too true that the great majority of our youth fail to com- prehend the good possibilities of their educational privileges until they are past. Failure indeed! And a lifetime is not long enough to measure their regrets. It is so sad that many boys and girls, in dis- trict and town schools, in academy and college, seem to have little idea that the school to which they are sent is other than a courting rendezvous, or a place to tease the citizens by taking off wagon wheels, unhanging gates, ringing bells, shearing horses' tails, and cutting up generally. If they left home with other ideas, they seem soon to have for- gotten them. But in every school there are those who have measured life to a vast extent in their m 112 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. youth. School to them was not mere play. Pur- pose they had, and purpose they pursued. And what sunshine these days cast upon the years of their life. How many a girl has found it so! Her Jife was mapped out for something besides fun and frolic. Brain and heart had she, trained and ready for brilliant victories amid life's battles. But you ask: " What do you consider some of the most com- mon and dangerous temptations of a young lady at school? " Failing to apprehend the situation in the aim of her studies. Not having canvassed this, she is uii- able to grapple with difficulties at the very outset of her course. Soon she lags behind and gets dis- couraged altogether. Probably most are tempted just here, and those who succeed have to rally much perseverance to get over the hill difficulty. Anoth- er temptation is the neglect of the Bible. I would as soon advise a young woman to counsel her hus- band to build a house upon a sandbank for their life home, as to encourage a girl to pursue a course of lettered training without reading the Bible every day. It is no use to try to disguise the fact, wher- ever the Bible is read and considered an important factor, when a course of studies are pursued, a far better code of morals comes forth than where it is not Still another temptation is bad company. TEMPTATIONS AT SCHOOL. 113 This can be often found in schools as well as other places. And the girls are often prone to fall into line in these ranks. We are not obliged to go outside the circle of our school centers to find bad company. Indeed, the eye of many a bad heart is eagerly watching these places. This is a good place to sow tares whenever and wherever the enemy can plant a seed. How many of our fair daughters do things and mingle in company at school such as they would be ashamed to have known at home. Some think it is no harm and will do no harm to thus cover up things from their parents. But I think, and 1 know, it is a very dan- gerous road to travel. But perhaps there is no more baneful temptation to young ladies in school than bad literature and its attendant evils. With- in the last few years especially, a snare of this kind has been set for our daughters and sisters. Cata- logues have been obtained from numerous schools, and thereby obtaining the address, letters, pam- phlets, and periodicals have been sent, decoying the girls to send for " love powders," and the like, and thus are put into their hands the weapons of worse than moral death. Women or men who would do such a thing, if possible, would seem worse than devils incarnate. But so it is, and it most earnestly appeals to parents and daughters to beware. The temptation to attend places of 114 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. amusement during school sessions is often baneful. If yielded to it almost invariably infringes upon the studies; besides, it is often of an immoral ten- dency. "Are the influences of school antagonistic to Christianity?" Not necessarily; but they are often permitted to be. They ought to be helpful, and, I believe, generally are so. Yet this fact does not disguise the continual efforts of the enemies to our best morals to plant thistles, and cockle, and tares in the best school yards of our land. It is fast be- coming a prevalent practice of unbelievers to es- tablish infidel societies under the very eaves of our schools. But, thanks to the Giver of grace and truth, " the foundation standeth sure." No: the influences of school are not against Christianity. Indeed, they are our strongholds. Christianity without education would be like steam upon the railroad without an engine. And every young lady with school advantages before her, will do well to shun temptations, and push her way on to victory. Sincerely, YOUR UNCLE. LETTER XXII. TRUE HAPPINESS. My Dear Niece: Actions and words show on every hand that it is the aim of everybody to take such a course and occupy such a position as will insure happiness, true happiness. This is the want of every soul, both for this world and another. "With one moment's thought young ladies are fully aware of this. And, my dear Etha, it is my pur- pose in penning the few lines of this letter to con- tribute some hints that may tend to your happiness. And not only to make you happy, but as happy as it is possible to be. Sure am I if I can do this, I shall make myself happy as well as you. Do not draw a long breath now, and say, " Uncle is going to write as though he had been drinking vinegar, and as though there was no happiness in the pleas- ures of the world." Not so. I would not have you shut yourself away from the unhurtful pastimes of the world. I know that in my former letters I have said some plain things, and insisted on such a course as will please your Creator, bless all around you in the world and reap to yourself great happiness. 115 116 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. And if you follow a tithe of the suggestions I have made, sure am I you will not be wanting in the truest features of a happy life. And your eager- ness in asking me about this matter (some of which questions I shall now answer), seems to give me assurance of your being a sincere inquirer after the best way to be happy. " Does not sinful happiness leave a sting f " That is just what it does. What a record the sinful pleasures of the world attest upon this point. And it is indeed strange that so many eagerly rush into schemes that will happify for the moment or the hour, with a full knowledge that the next mo- ment or hour they must endure a sting like the poisonous bite of the rattlesnake. Sad the picture. It does not pay. And with what satisfaction will you spend the years of your old age if now in early life you form a purpose and make some plan by which, as far as possibilities will allow, you will never indulge in any scheme of earthly pleasure that will leave a sting. " Do the pleasures and excitements of society satisfy? " Gratify! Satisfy! Look at these two words. Think of them. Weigh them. Now give me the decision of your better judgment. Methinks I hear you say, " The transitory pleasures of this world may gratify, but cannot satisfy." This is TRUE HAPPINESS. 117 true, my dear Etha, arid it is folly for wise or fool- ish men to undertake to show to the contrary. How important, then, to wisely select such amusements as will please and elevate, rather than those which have bad associations, dissipate a good frame of mind and debase the character. Such amusements there are, and such should be selected by every good-minded person. Then you will have gone a long way toward securing true happiness for this world. While I am touching this point, let me suggest one method. The girls should be willing to ask direction of those who have had experience and traveled this way before them. If you wanted to go on a journey, which would you think the wisest, to ask direction about the way of some per- son who had been over the road before and had known all about it for a long time, or one who had never been in that way and knew nothing about it? You say, be led by the former, by all means. Then why should our masses of young people rush so madly into the pleasures of the " paths of life," scorning the uplifted voices of so many who have passed its rugged ways? Why? And echo answers why? There is no reason except that it be sinful willfulness. No wonder that so many fair girls and choice youth are often found drinking the bit- ter cup of sorrow, and that the columns of our daily and weekly papers are fraught with troubles, wrecks 118 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. and moral deaths, issuing from the circles of worldly pleasure parties. And not unfrequently what had been considered our choicest and best are the vie- tims. Happiness it is called. Pleasure there may be, but it is like a teaspoonful of honey to a gallon of poisoned water. Let me ask you, ray friend, never to sip it again until you have thoroughly tested its qualities. Do not set me down as an old fogy. I know that there are plenty of pastimes and pleasures for our youth without entering into the doubtful and hurtful. "Can true happiness ever ~be attained? " Yes, it can be. We have assurances of this from the Almighty One, the wisest and best of all beings. Would he teach and require us to be truly happy if it were impossible? No, no. Mark, I do not Bay perfectly happy, but truly so. In no sense by our own merits and qualities, and in the view of our own eyes and conceptions, can we attain per- fectness here. But we can attain such moral purity of motive, purpose and act as will assure us satis- fying happiness. Show me a girl who determines to live to do all possible good to her fellows about her and avoid everything that would hurt her own soul, and I will show you one truly happy. "May young ladles hope to find true happiness in their future homes?" Not unless they make it themselves. N"o one TRUE HAPPINESS. 119 can make a happy home unless the wife and mother does. Husband, children and all tlie surroundings may contribute to this end. But it is impossible for any or all of these to do it unless she, whom God has selected to be the sunlight of the home, leads the way. "While I assume that every young lady, or nearly every young lady, expects to marry and have a home, let me add that not one can ex- pect the happiness she ought to have, unless there has been aim at it in her early habits and culture. As well might a man of forty expect to become easily and well educated, if he has neglected to learn the letters of the alphabet when young. Her culture should be stern and rigid in this direction. In some of my former letters about the home I have insisted upon earnest attention to these things, and would here repeat in substance everything I have there said. For the happiness of our girls, and young wives and mothers; yes, and of the husband and children, I feel this matter most keenly. Not only should true happiness of the home begin in the earliest culture of girlhood, but it should find a decidedly important juncture when the young lady accepts the hand of a husband. A pledge to support and protect her does not fully meet the de- mand of God's requirements in the divine institu- tion. He is to pledge happiness to the household. Yea, he is to bring it. And from this moment 120 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. this treasure is committed to the wife. If she keep it and care for it as she can and ought, she may ex- pect true happiness. If honest and genuine, her husband will keep this pledge just as she leads him to its perpetuity. YOUR LOVING UNCLE. LETTER XXIII. CONSECRATION. My Dear Niece : This letter will embrace some thoughts upon a most vital subject Indeed, it is one of great moment, character and force. Among young ladies there have been many in past ages, and there are many to-day, who have interpreted the meaning and entered into the experience of consecrated lives. What happiness, what useful- ness, have beamed forth from such lives. " Set apart to a sacred purpose" are words used by a great and good man to define true consecration. Of course, you will need to study and give atten- tion to fully comprehend this. It is true that every enterprise and pursuit in life into which one enters may bear the marks of consecration. But sacredness may not be written upon all. Agricult- ure, and the mercantile business, art, song and various phases of professional life may be conse- crated merely in a secular sense. But this is not what I mean in this letter. It is a higher and grander pursuit of a consecrated life, such as God will honor and man will admire. That which will place talent, time, profession, every branch of busi- 121 122 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADT. ness and property under contribution to subserve the highest moral ends of benefit to our fellowinen. With the powers and gifts I have accorded to women, and especially young womanhood, in for- mer letters, do you wonder, dear Etha, that I should desire, earnestly desire, the consecration of young ladies ? You will never see the time again in all your life when consecration will be more easy, sweet and blessed, and accomplish more satisfying ends to bless the world around you. Youth is the time of all other in life for the formation of char- acter and habit. Acquiring a lettered education, learning a trade, and preparing for years to come in the pursuit of life's duties, are considered im- perative in early life. Why, then, neglect a religiou s and moral training until mature years ? We have too much notion that every secular interest must be attended to in early life, and the consecration of our powers in the sacred " further on," and per- adventure in old age if we chance to live that long. This is a mistake. It is all wrong. The whole teaching of the divine code is, "Seek ye first the!^, kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." Let a young lady embrace this idea, and consecrate her heart, brain and faith to its experience, and what a bright light would she be in the world. How her days, weeks, months and years would be fraught with a CONSECRATION. 123 satisfying portion. It is this that I urge upon your consideration. Your every power should be laid upon the altar of consecration. It would not less- en at all your joys, but rather increase them, and the benefit to yourself and others would be tenfold. And when you ask me, " Does our Creator require consecration to him?" I am filled with solemn awe on the one hand, and blissful delight on the other. Solemn awe, because of the consequences of its absence, and blissful delight because of the hopes and joys of its experience. Who could love God or be happy with him forever if they were not conse- crated to him? Surely he requires this. The very existence of harmony and holiness in our hearts depend upon this. So also the purity of our words and acts. And with a consciousness of this in your heart, joy would be your portion, daity, and nightly. Tour very looks, words, acts and life, would be admired by all. This is the assurance of Jesus. But you say, many profess it, but do not show its proof. Just so. But this is because so many get the notion that under a religious profes- sion they are to be church dolls, and have nothing to do in the church but be petted. They have no idea of work for Christ and the fallen. To follow the fashions of society, be worldlings and profes- sional church boarders. Thousands and tens of 124: LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. thousands of young: ladies appear to have this atti- tude. They are exceptions, and enough to lead the van. Under this leadership let consecration assert her sway, and the whole aspect of every community will change. How I long to witness such a scene. You and others of your ranks can do much to hasten this millennial dawn. "Will you do it? It is to this purpose that God requires your consecration. " What is involved in a full and satisfying consecration?" I think I can show you by a few suggestions. The first thing to be observed is, a candid canvass of its worth, merit and importance. You can give attention to this at once. It is worth your while. Do it the first thing. And when you have done this, just as true as you wish to be hap- py and useful while you live, I doubt if you could even wish to seek a substitute for this course. Entering this " valley of blessing so sweet," the ecstatic joy which would fill your soul would far outreach any earthly vision you ever knew. Sec- ondly, be careful to decide wisely for this \vorld, and eternity. Do not treat that word "eternity " lightly. Thirdly, enumerate the items that must be included if it is successfully made. To itemize this matter is a power for success and blessing. Intellect, eyes, voice, heart, hands, feet, influence, time, friends, property, relation to the church and CONSECRATION. 125 society, all these, yea, everything upon which you can put estimate in the inventory of your being. Let your altar be unto God and holiness. Such a consecration will be divinely sealed. That is if you believe in it with all your heart. Faith is an im- portant factor in power and experience. You must believe in it, and that, too, for your personal life, and God will bless you. YOUR AFFECTIONATE UNCLE. LETTER XXIY. SUNDAY-SCHOOL TRAINING. My Dear Niece : I want to ask, Are you a Sunday-school girl ? Not do you attend, but do you love to go, and are you enlisted and deeply interested in every Sunday-school enterprise ? If you answer in the affirmative, I have to say it is well worth your while. No interest is superior to this in the welfare of men. Of course, I do not mean this to supersede the home training. But our training in the Sunday-school has a bear- ing such as no other position can afford. And let me tell you, that whatever part others may take in the work, young ladies are filling a most important place, and will continue to do so more and more. Are you ready for the emergency of the hour ? Do you realize the need of this present time, and its influence upon your future years ? " Do we ever forget our Sunday-school train- ing f " ISTo, never. It is not possible in the nature of the case. And, just here, I want to remind you of the invariably good influence of the Sunday- school. Who ever heard of any injury coming 126 SUNDAY-SCHOOL TRAINING. 127 therefrom? This land is dotted with multitudes of good men and women who owe what they are to the Sunday-school. It caught them up while wandering upon the broad acres of temptation and sin, and set them down in the garden of the Lord. And there they live, have lived, and will still live, and there they will die, leaving fragrant memories, such as the world would never have known had it not been for the Sunday- school. "How long should a young lady attend Sunday- school f " Young or old, as long as she lives. In the planning of this institution, the divine founder made no provision for graduation or diplomas. It is a life institution as much as the home. And it is a mistaken notion that as soon as a young lady has got well into her teens she is above the privi- leges and blessings of the Sunday-school. The very object' of the Sunday-school forbids this. "What is it? It is a place to acquire a knowledge of the Bible. It is a grand place for this. The very best outside of the home. The home is first the Sunday-school next. And if young ladies fill the place they ought in the Sunday-school, they will not only want to continue as far as possible, but when they come to bear the responsibilities of a home they are better prepared to fulfill its duties. And while this is true the young lady should make np her mind never to withdraw her influence and 128 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADY. presence from the Sunday-school while life shall last. It is not possible for a mother to do her work of moral training at home as she ought if she absent herself from the Sunday-school where her children attend. And I want to urge you to em- ploy all your influence to stop the evil habit now very prevalent, of young people leaving the Sun- day-school as soon as they are married. It is just then that they need this training. " Do you think the Sunday-school gives advan- tages not to be found elsewhere?" Certainly it does. Not a position is there any- where in life as important or valuable. The value of its privileges are unexplainable, nevertheless true. And millions have attested this fact. Friends, friendship, wealth, and honors have no such bearing upon onr lives. " Would you advise a young lady, not a member of the church, to teach in the Sunday-school? " There are circumstances in which I would advise her to do so; but they are rare. When there is no other one to be found who can or will teach, and a young lady can be found, who, although not a Christian, is intelligent and of good moral stand- ing in the community, I would give her a class. But with the admonition that, in view of the na- ture and imporance of the work, it is her duty to at once give her heart to God. I have known some SUNDAY-SCHOOL TRAINING. 129 such teachers speedily blessed. But, while treating upon this point, let me add that barely uniting with the church will not fit a young lady for Sun- day-school work. To be a member of the Sunday- school is one of the most responsible positions on earth. It is like laying a strong foundation for a house. With a hundred and sixty odd hours in the week the teacher and scholar get less than one hour with the class. What preparation of heart and brain are needful for the task. My experience and observation has been that young ladies have more influence in Sunday-school work than any other class of persons. And how immeasurably would the power of this work be increased if all the young ladies who are capable would engage in it. " To what extent will the Sunday-school afford a young lady proper moral training?" I will say this in answer to your question: It must be vast, to say the least, and such as will ever be fraught with the best of consequences. Not an avenue of all her life will she tread with- out feeling its power. And the very warp and woof of this training will exert an influence upon her and upon those about her in every coming year. And this influence has ever been honored of God and man. As ever, YOUB UNOLB. I LETTER XXY. A TRUE WOMAN. My Dear Niece: Now I have come to the last letter of this series in which I have endeavored to help you in the early steps of life. And I am glad to know that you have received with so much favor most that I have said. I know I have said much that many young ladies would consider an over- drawn demand, and entirely unsuited to the life of to-day. While still others would admire and be profited thereby. But if I did not believe that these letters would be a blessing, I would not even finish these closing lines about true womanhood. Much that I have written before, you will find da- guerreotyped here. Line upon line is the need of the hour. As the driving of the nail to build the house needs blow after blow to give it a strong hold in its place, so in the framework of society, every young lady needs line upon line of instruction and help to make her strong in her place. I will not say that true women are rare or exceptional. No, no, they are many. But there are enough girls now living to multiply them a hundred-fold. It is not enough for a woman to be pure in char- acter, to be pure in life. Something more is needed, ISO A TRUE WOMAN. 131 She has many gifts, and many sides of power and influence. And all these must fill some place among men. " In what does true womanhood mostly consist f '' The very first thought of a girl in her desires and decisions to be a true woman, should be to aim at the best position known to the life of a woman. As with our great men who have frequently come up from the more humble walks of life, BO often the women who have become great lights in the world, have sprung from the most unpromising places and ranks of society. The brightest gems of gold come often from the roughest and blackest chunks of stone and earth. No girl need of necessity consider herself beneath the best positions of her sex because she is lowly. Cheap calico is no criterion of char- acter. But if she comes up to a place of power, blessing and influence, she must aim at it. And it will pay well if she does. No other can elevate her. She must come up herself. Help enough she will find all around her, but to attain relies upon herself. Let this thought, my dear Etha, seize upon jour heart and find anchorage as no other ever has for the blessing of your life. Nor would I be under- stood to encourage the girls of poverty and humble circumstances alone. But of all classes. In homes of affluence, education and refinement, are many choice girls. All of these are not true women by 132 LETTERS TO A YOUNG LADT. any means. Indeed, in many of these there is in various forms sin in high life. There is as much need of aim here as any where. Fathers, mothers, neighbors, friends, wealth, honor and surrounding in the world, all or any of these cannot make a girl a true woman. Whether she abound in wealth or walk in poverty's vale, her own consecrated ener- gies must determine her traits of character and po- sitions of womanhood. " Will a true woman be likely to neglect relig- ion? " No, she will not. Indeed, she can not do so very long and maintain the impulses, powers and influence of a true woman. But you will cast your eye around as you read this and say, There is Mrs. So-and-So who is not a Christian, and she is a good woman. Yery likely. But many a woman is pure in character and good in life who is not, in a high and noble sense, true to herself and to the world, woman as God made her. And I venture that you will invariably find the ideal woman you have set up to be wanting in the prime sense of a true wo- man. More or less the moral impulses of our im- pressions recoil within us at the idea of a woman "without God and without hope in the world." This I know to be an undeniable fact, however much it may be untold and unexplainable. And indeed I believe it to be true that women them, selves feel this, and often to a very great degree. A TRUE WOMAN. 1 33 " Will a true woman be sought after in cultured society? " To be sure she will. It is the very place where she will be greatly admired. Her in- fluence and life will be appreciated here as in no other circle. The notion that some have to the contrary is a mistake. True goodness is always the handmaid of intelligence. And the woman that has the adornment not so much of plated gold and outward apparel, but the vital purity and trueness of the heart, is sought after and admired. But, mark you, there may be some in circles that pro- fess culture and fashion who are only shams, and could no more be happy in the presence of a true woman than would a bloated drunkard just from the gutter be pleased with himself standing before the looking-glass. As amid the counterfeits of the world, good money is always at a premium, so true character is always highly esteemed by the best and even worst of men. " Can a woman be true to herself and always carry out her convictions of duty? " This is the very place where her trueness will shine the bright- est. Many lack courage, but the world admires integrity and devotion to the right. A woman who is true to herself will be likely to be true to others. Such the world will admire. And further, the convictions of such a person would be likely to tend to blessing and not to cursing. Let her follow fJ O 134 LETTEES TO A YOUNQ LADY. these convictions of duty, and her character will shine as no tongue can tell. Woman's action, with true fidelity to her convictions, is the great and im- perative demand of our age. Children, husbands and homes demand it. And every kind of reform is sighing for it. There should be an uprising of the girls at once in this matter, and she who leads the van will be a benefactor to herself and her race. " What will be ike reward of a true woman* " First of all, a deep realization of having shunned a shadowy path and lived a life of respect and bless- ing. And besides this, which can but bring con- scious peace, she feels the approval of the All-see- ing and All-knowing one. This is worth more than rubies and affords the heart joys beyond ex- pression. She has hope of blessedness in the fu- ture state. Not a hope fostered by the sham of some false doctrine, that deceitfully tells her to live for self and the world, be a devotee of pleasure and fashion, scatter influence that can only debase the morals of those around her, treat the path of un- satisfying thoughts, words and deeds unto the end, and then step into ineffable glory. No, no. But that hope of faith, trust in Jesus, which has led her along the way of self-renunciation and whole reliance upon him for eternal life, which has led her to fill up her many years to instruct the ig- A TRUE WOMAN. 135 norant, feed the poor, clothe the naked, comfort the sorrowing, lead the blind, teach the children, soothe wounded hearts and scatter roses in her pathway every day, week, month and year of her life. A hope that welcomes death, that hails with joy the second coming of the Lord from heaven, and bids the portals of the celestial city give her an abun- dant entrance into a heaven of promised glory. YOUB AFFECTIONATE UNCLB