*?fK 
 
 '^m 

 
 THE LIBRARY 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 VARIETY. 
 
 A 
 
 TALE, 
 
 FOR 
 
 MARRIED PEOPLE. 
 
 NEC TECUM POSSUM VIVERE, N£C SINE TE» 
 
 I can't live with you, or without you. 
 
 
 Martial. 
 
 L O N DO N : 
 
 Printed for J. D O D S L E Y, in Pall-mall. 
 
 M.DCC.LXXVI.
 
 ^ PR 
 
 V A R I E T Y. 
 
 A TALE. 
 
 A Gentle Maid, of rural breeding, 
 By Nature firft, and then by reading. 
 Was fill'd with all thofe foft fenfations 
 Which we reftrain in near relations. 
 Left future hufbands fhould be jealous. 
 And think their wive? too fond of fellows. 
 
 The morning fun beheld her rove 
 A Nymph, or Goddefs of the grove ! 
 At eve file pac'd the dewy lawn. 
 And call'd each clown flie (aw, a faun ! 
 Th^n, fcudding homeward, lock'd her door. 
 And turn d fbme copious volume o'er. 
 
 A 2 For 
 
 602442. 
 
 E^'GUiH
 
 [ 4 ] 
 
 For much fhe read ; and chiefly thole 
 Great Authors, who in verfe, or profe, 
 Or fbmethlng betwixt both, unwind 
 The fecret fprings which move the mind. 
 Thele much fhe read ; and thought fhe knew 
 The human heart's minuteft clue ; 
 Yet fhrewd obfervers ftill declare., 
 (To fhow how fhrewd oblervers are) 
 Tho' Plays, which breath'd heroic flame, 
 And Novels, in profulion, came, 
 Imported frefh and frefh from France, 
 She only read the heart's Romance. 
 
 The World, no doubt, was well enough 
 To finooth the manners of the rou^h : 
 Might pleafe the giddy and the vain, 
 Thoie tinlell'd flaves of Folly's train. 
 But, for her part, the truefl; tafte 
 She found was in retirement plac'd. 
 
 Where,
 
 [ 5 ] 
 
 Where, as in verfe it fweetly flows, 
 " On every thorn inftru£lion grows." 
 Not that fhe wifh'd to " be alone," 
 As fbme affected Prudes have done j 
 She knew it was decreed on high 
 We fhould " increafe and multiply j" 
 And therefore, if kind Fate would grant 
 Her fondeft wifh, her only want, 
 A cottage with the man flie lov'd 
 Was what her gentle heart approv'd -, 
 In fbme delig-htful fblitude 
 Where ftep profane might ne'er intrude ; 
 But Hymen guard the facred ground. 
 And 'virtuous Cupids hover round. 
 Not fuch as flutter on a fan 
 Round Crete's vile bull, or Leda's fwan, 
 (Who fcatter myrtles, fcatter rofes. 
 And hold their fingers to their nofes.) 
 
 But
 
 [ 6 ] 
 
 But fimp'iing, mild, and innocent 
 As Angels on a monument. 
 
 Fate heard her pray'r : a Lover came. 
 Who felt, like her, th' innoxious flame ; 
 One who had trod, as well as fhe, 
 The flow'ry paths of Poefy ; 
 Had warm'd himielf with Milton's heat, 
 Could ev'ry line of Pope repeat. 
 Or chaunt, in Shenftone's tender ftrains, 
 " The Lover's hopes," " the Lover's pains.'* 
 
 Attentive to the Charmer's tongue, 
 With /jim fhe thought no ev'ning long ; 
 With h'm fhe faunter'd half the day; 
 And ibmetimes, in a laughing way. 
 Ran o'er the Catalogue by rote 
 Of who might marry, and who not. 
 Confider, Sir, we're near relations — 
 I hope (6 in our inclinations. — 
 
 In
 
 [ 7 ] 
 
 In fhort, flie look'd, flie blufli'd confent ; 
 He graip'd her hand, to church they went ; 
 And ev'ry matron that was there, 
 
 With tongue fb voluble and fupple, 
 Said, for her part, flie muft declare 
 She never faw a finer couple. 
 
 O Halcyon days ! 'Twas Nature's reign, 
 'Twas Tempe's vale, and Enna's plain. 
 The fields alTuni'd unulual bloom. 
 And ev'ry zephyr breath'd perfiime. 
 The laughing Sun with genial beams 
 Danc'd lightly on th' exulting flireams ; 
 
 And the pale Regent of the night 
 
 In dewy Ibftnefs fhed delight. 
 
 'Twas Transport not to be expreft; 
 'Twas Paradife! — But mark the reft. 
 
 Two fmiling Springs had wak'd the flowVs 
 That paint the meads, or fringe the bow'rs, 
 
 9 - (Ye
 
 [ S ] 
 
 (Ye Lovers, lend your wond'ring ears, 
 Who count by months, and not by years) 
 Two fiuiling Sprhigs had chaplets wove 
 To crown their fblltude, and Love : 
 When lo, they find, they can't tell how, 
 Their walks are not Co pleafant now. 
 The leafbns (lire were chang'd ; the place 
 Had, fbme how, got a diff'rent face. 
 Some blaft had ftruck the chearful fcene ; 
 The lawns, the woods were not fb green. 
 The purling rill, which murmur'd by. 
 And once was liquid harmony, 
 Became a fluggifh, reedy pool : 
 The days grew hot, the ev'nings cool. 
 The Moon with all the ftarry reign 
 Were Melancholy's filent train. 
 And then the tedious winter nio-ht — 
 They could not read by candle light. 
 
 Full
 
 [ 9 ] 
 
 Full oft, unknowing why they did, 
 They call'd in adventitious aid. 
 A faithful, fav'rite Dog ('twas thus 
 With Tobit, and Telemachus) 
 Amus'd their fteps ; and for a while 
 They view'd liis gambols with a frnile. 
 The Kitten too was comical, 
 She play'd Co oddly with her tail. 
 Or in the glafs was pleas 'd to find "^ 
 
 Another cat, and peep'd behind. 
 
 A courteous neighbour at the door 
 Was deem'd intrufive noife no more. 
 For rural vifits, now and then, 
 Are right, as men muft live with men. 
 Then coufin Jenny, frefh from town, 
 
 A new recruit, a dear delight ! 
 Made many a heavy hour go down, 
 
 At morn, at noon, at eve, at night : 
 
 B Sure
 
 [ '° ] 
 
 Sure they could hSar her jokes for ever, 
 
 She was fo iprightly, and fo clever ! 
 
 Yet neighbours were not quite the thing ; 
 
 What joy, alas ! could converfe bring 
 
 With awkward creatures, bred at home 
 
 The Dog grew dull, or troublelbme. 
 
 The Cat had fpoil'd the Kitten's merit. 
 
 And, with her youth, had loft her fpirit. 
 
 And jokes, repeated o'er and o'er. 
 
 Had quite exhaufted Jenny's ftore. 
 
 " And then, my dear, I can^t abide 
 
 " This always faunt'ring fide by fide." — 
 
 Enough, he cries ! the realbn's plain. 
 
 For caufes never rack your braln» 
 
 Our neighbours are like other folks. 
 Skip's playful tricks, and Jenny's jokes. 
 Are ftlU delightful, ftill would pleafe 
 Were we, my dear, ourfelves at eale. 
 
 Look
 
 [ II ] 
 
 Look round, with an impartial eye. 
 
 On yonder fields, on yonder fky ; 
 
 The azure cope, the flow'rs below, 
 
 With all their wonted colours glow. 
 
 The rill ftill murmurs ; and the moon 
 
 Shines, as flie did, a fbfter fun. 
 
 No change has made the leafbns fail. 
 
 No comet brufh'd us with his tail. 
 
 The fcene's the fame, the fame the weather — 
 
 We live, my dear, too much together. 
 
 Agreed, a rich old uncle dies, 
 And added wealth the means fupplies. 
 With eager hafte to Town they flew, 
 Where all muft pleafe, for all was new. 
 
 But here, by ftri£l poetic laws, 
 Defcription claims it's proper paufe. 
 
 B 2 The
 
 [ «2 ] 
 
 The rofy Morn had rais'd her head 
 From old Tithonus' faffron bed ; 
 And embrio funbeams from the Eaft, 
 Half chok'd, were ftruggling thro' the mift. 
 When forth advanc'd the gilded chaifc. 
 The village crov/ded round to gaze. 
 The pert poftilion, now promoted 
 From driving plough, and neatly booted, 
 His jacket, cap, and baldric on, 
 (As greater folks than he have done) 
 Look'd round ; and, with a coxcomb air, 
 Smack'd loud his lalh. The happy pair 
 Bow'd graceful, from a fep'rate door. 
 And Jenny, from the ftool before. 
 
 Roll l\vift, ye wheels ! to willing eyes 
 New obje£ls ev'ry moment rile. 
 Each carriage paffing on the road^ 
 From the broad waggon's pond'rous load 
 
 To
 
 [ '3 ] 
 
 To the light car, where mounted high 
 The giddy driver feems to fly, 
 Were themes for harmlels (atire fit, 
 And gave frefh force to Jenny's wit. 
 Whate'er occurr'd, 'twas all delightful, 
 No noife was harfli, no danger frightful. 
 The dafh and Iplalli thro' thick and thin. 
 The hair-breadth fcapes, the hurtling inn, 
 (Where well-bred landlords were fo ready 
 To welcome in the fquire and lady.) 
 Dirt, duft, and (im, they bore with eafe, 
 Determin'd to be pleas'd, and pleafe. 
 Now nearer Town and all agog 
 They know dear London by it's fog. 
 Bridges they crofs, thro' lanes they wind, 
 Leave Hounflow's dang'rous heath behind, 
 Thro' Brentford win a pafTage free 
 By roaring, Wilkes ai\d Liberty ! 
 
 At
 
 [ '4 ] 
 
 At Knightfbrldge bleis the fhort'nlng way, 
 
 (Where Bays's troops in ambufli lay) 
 
 O'er Piccadilly's pavement glide, 
 
 (With palaces to grace it's fide) 
 
 'Till Bond-ftreet with it's lamps a-blaze 
 
 Concludes the journey of three days. 
 
 Why fliould we paint, in tedious long. 
 How ev'ry day, and all day long, 
 They drove at firft with curious hade 
 Thro' Lud's vaft town ; or, as they pafs'd 
 Midft rifmgs, fallings, and repairs 
 Of ftreets on ftreets, and fquares on fquares, 
 Defcribe how ftrong their wonder grew 
 At buildings — and at builders too. 
 
 Scarce lefs^aftoniihment aro{e 
 At architeds more fair than thole — 
 Who built as high, as widely Ipread 
 Th' enormous loads that cloath'd their head. 
 
 For
 
 [ '5 ] 
 
 For Brklfli dames new follips love. 
 
 And, if they can't invent, improve. 
 
 Some with ere£l Pagodas vie, 
 
 Some nod, like Pifa's tow'r, awry, 
 
 Medufa's fnakes, with Pallas' creft, 
 
 Convolv'd, contorted, and comprels'd ; 
 
 With intermingling trees, and flow'rs, 
 
 And corn, and grafs, and fhepherds' bow'rs, 
 
 Stage above ftage the turrets run, 
 
 Like pendent groves of Babylon, 
 
 'Till nodding from the topmoft wall 
 
 Otranto's plumes envelop all 1 
 
 Whilft the black ewes, who own'd the hair. 
 
 Feed harmleis on, in paftures fair, 
 
 Unconfcious that their tails perfume. 
 
 In Icented curls, the Drawing-room. 
 
 When Night her murky pinions fpread. 
 And fober folks retir'd to bed> 
 
 5 To
 
 [ i5 ] 
 
 To f»vVy piiWir place they flew. 
 Where Jenny told them who was who. 
 Money was always at command, 
 And trlpp'd with Plealure hand in hand. 
 Money was equipage, was fhow, 
 Gallini's, Almack's, and Soho ; 
 The pqffe par tout thro' ev'ry vein 
 Of Diffipation's hydra reign. 
 
 O London, thou prolific fburce, 
 Parent of Vice, and Folly's nurfe! 
 Fruitful as Nile thy copious fprings 
 Spawn hourly births, — and all with flings : 
 But happieft far the He, or She, 
 
 I know not which, that livelier dunce 
 Who firft contriv'd the Coterie, 
 
 To cruiK domeftic blifs at once. 
 Then grinn'd, no doubt, amidft the dames, 
 As Nero fiddled to the flames. 
 
 Of
 
 [ «7 ] 
 
 Of thee, Pantheon, let me fpeak 
 
 With rev'rence, tho' In numbers weak ; 
 
 Thy beauties Satire's frown beguile, 
 
 We fpare the follies for the pile. 
 
 Flounc'd, furbelow'd, and trick'd for fhow, 
 With lamps above, and lamps below. 
 Thy charms even modern tafte defy'd. 
 They could not fpoil thee, tho' they try'd. 
 
 Ah pity that Time's haily wings 
 MufI: fweep thee off with vulgar things I 
 Let architects of humbler name 
 Ow frail materials build their fame. 
 Their nobleft works the world might want- — • 
 Wyatt fhould build In adamant. 
 
 But what are thele to (cenes which lie 
 Secreted from the vulgar eye. 
 And baffle all the pow'rs of fbng? — 
 A brazen throat, an iron tongue 
 
 C (Which
 
 [ ,8 ] 
 
 (Which poets willn for, when at length 
 Their rubje£l Ibars above their iirength) 
 Would lliun the tafk. Cur humbler Mufe, 
 (Who only reads the public news, 
 And idly utters what (he gleans 
 From chronicles and magazines) 
 Recoiling feels her feeble fires, 
 And blufhing to her fliades retires. 
 Alas ! ilie knows not how to treat 
 The liner follies of the Great, 
 Where ev'n, Democritus, thy fiieer 
 Were vain, as Heraclitus' tear. 
 
 Suffice it that by juft degrees 
 They reach'd all heighths, and rofe with eafe ; 
 (For Beauty wins it's way, uncall'd. 
 And ready dupes are ne'er black-ball'd.) 
 Each gambling Dame She knew, and He 
 Knev/ evVy Shark of Quality ; 
 
 I a From
 
 [ '9 ] 
 
 From the grave, cautious few, who live 
 On thoughtlefs Youth, and living thrive, 
 To the light Train who mimic France, 
 And the foft Sons of Nonchalance. 
 While Jenny, now no more of ule, 
 Excuie lucceeding to excule, 
 Grew piqu'd, and prudently withdrew 
 To fhilling Whift, and chicken Lu. 
 
 Advanc'd to Fafiiion's wav'ring head. 
 They now, where once they folio w'd, led. 
 Devis'd new fyftems of delight, 
 A-bed all day, and up all night. 
 
 In diff 'rent circles reign'd lupreme. 
 
 Wives copied her, and Hufbands him ; 
 
 Till fb divinely Life ran on. 
 
 So {eparate, {o quite bon ton. 
 
 That meeting in a public place 
 
 They fcarcely knew each other's face. 
 
 C 2 At
 
 [ 20 ] 
 
 At laft they met, by his defire, 
 
 A-tete-a-tete acrofs the fire ; i 
 
 Look'd in each other's face a- while 
 
 With half a tear, and half a fmile. 
 
 The ruddy health, which wont to grace 
 
 With manly glow his rural face, 
 
 Now Icarce retain'd it's fainteft ftreak ; 
 
 So fallow was his leathern cheek. 
 She lank, and pale, and hollow-ey'd^ 
 With rouge had ftriven in vain to hide 
 What once was beauty, and repair 
 The rapine of the midnight air. 
 
 Silence is eloquence, 'tis faid. 
 Both wifh'd to {peak, both hung the head. 
 
 At length it burft — " 'Tis time," he cries, 
 
 " When tir'd of folly, to be wife. 
 
 ** Are you too tir'd ?" then check'd a groan. 
 
 She wept confent, and he went on. 
 
 6 ** How
 
 [ ai ] 
 
 " How delicate the married life ! 
 " You love your hufband, I my wife. 
 <* Not ev'n fatiety could tame, 
 ** Nor difTipation quench the flame. 
 
 ** True to the bias of our kind 
 " 'Tis happinefs we wifh to find. 
 " In rural fcenes retir'd we fought 
 " In vain the dear delicious draught. 
 *' Tho' bleft with Love's indulgent (lore, 
 " We found we wanted fomething more. 
 " Twas company, 'twas friends to fliare 
 " The blifs we languilh'd to declare. 
 «* 'Twas focial converfe, change of fcene, 
 ** To foothe the fullen hour of fpleen 5 
 " Short abfences to wake defire, 
 " And (weet regrets to fan the fire. 
 
 <* We left the lonefome place j and found, 
 " In DifTipation's giddy round, 
 
 «« ■ A thou-
 
 [ 2- 1 
 
 " A thouiand novelties to wake 
 *' The Iprings of life and not to break. 
 " As, from the nefl: not wand'ring far, 
 " In light excurfions thro' the air, 
 ^' The feather'd tenants of the grove 
 *' Around in mazy circles move, 
 " (Sip the cool fprings that murm'ring flow, 
 " Or tafte the blolTom on the bough.) 
 " We {ported freely with the reft; 
 *' And, ftill returning to the neft, 
 *' In eafy mirth we chatted o'er 
 ^* The trifles of the day before. 
 *' Behold us now, diflblving quite 
 
 " In the full ocean of delight 3 
 
 " In pleafurcs ev'ry hour employ, 
 
 " Immers'd in all the world calls joy. 
 
 " Our affluence eafmg the expence 
 
 " Of Iplendour, and magnificence. 
 
 " Our
 
 [ ^3 ] 
 
 " Our company, tli' exalted fet 
 
 " Of all that's gay, and all that's great : 
 
 " Nor happy yet !— and where's the wonder ? 
 
 " We live, my dear, too much asunder.' 
 
 The moral of my Tale is this. 
 Variety's the foul of blifs. 
 But fuch Variety alone 
 As makes our home the more our own. 
 As from the heart's impelling pow'r 
 The life-blood pours it's genial ftore; 
 Tho', taking each a: various w.ay. 
 The adive ftreams meandring play 
 Thro' ev'ry artery, ev'ry vein, 
 All to the heart return ap-ain ; 
 From thence refume their new career, 
 But ftill return, and center there : 
 
 So
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 
 Los Angeles 
 
 This book is DUE on Ihe last date stamped below. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 THE LTBFART 
 
 lTNIVErc3IT7 C7 CALIFORNIA 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 ■ /hi t.p>!-ii»aH - 
 
 1215 Vsri^ti 
 
 4^PR 
 1215 
 
 ;.537v