'954 2 o w- OR 15 CEH1 FEENCH'S ACTING EDITION (Late LACY'S). TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. j 1 THIS PIECE BELOH&I TO lAXTTEL FUVCIL SAMUEL FKBNCH, PUBLISHER, 89, STRAND. NEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH & SON, PUBLISHERS, 122, NASSAU STREET. IERDEEN- WM. RUSSKL, If), Broad Street. BATH S. J. COOK, The CivetCat, 4, Abbey Churchyard. BELFAST- JAM RS MOORE, Cheapside. BIRMINGHAM- J. GUEST, 52, Bull Street. BRADFORD- J. MOKGAN, 1, Dale Street. BRISTOL- E. TOLEMAH, 2, Rupert Street. COKK- W. J. MURRAY, 90, George's St. DUBLIN- J. WISEHBART, 23, Suffolk St, EDINBURGH- 31. ROHINSON, ll,Greenside Street. GLASGOW- WM. LOVE, 226, Argyle Street. LEEDS- G. R 6 SCENTED COLOURED FIRE Not less than ^lb. packages, perlb 5 TABLEAUX LIGHTS, SCENTED Colours, red, green, blue, violet, white, pink, yellow, and orange, each 1 TABLEAUX LIGHTS, MAGNE- SIUM Very brilliant 1 TABLETTES DE JOUVENCE A small box of rouge, or white, each 1 WHITING For Pantomimes, Clowns' faces, Statuary, &c 1 BEARDS. To go round chin on wire . . With Moustache, complete Chin Pieces, for low comedy, gauze WHISKERS. On wire With Moustache on wire . . Mutto* Chop on gauze s. d. 06 6 MOUSTACHES. Ordinary, on net Superior, real hair, worked on gauze ....... .1 With Imperial, on gauze .. ..2 CRAPE HAIR. For makingFalseWhiskers,M'staches,Ac. Colours Black, White, Light Brown, Dark Brown, Iron Grey, and Red, per yard ..06 Ginger Red, 6d. per half yard. THEATRICAL & FANCY COSTUME WIGS, &c. A large assortment of above kept in Stock. No Wigs lent out on hire. Any Wig can be made to order. For prices and description, see CATALOGUE, POST FREE ON APPLICATION. AN OKIGINAL DOMESTIC TRIO, ENTITLED BEING n ComeBfetta, IN ONE ACT. - Wl&TTEIf ' B7 '" AUTHOR OP Borrowed Plumes ; Should this Meet the Eye ; I'm not Myself at Aft; Just my Luck; For Setter for Worse; House that Jack Built (version of); Awkward Very; Under Fire; Seagulls; AND DESIGNER OF COSTUMES FOR "The Black Crook;" "La Belle HelSne;" "Oriana;" "Kissi Kissi;" "Tom Tug;" "Lalla Rookh" (Liverpool); " Goody Two Shoes;" "Madame Angot;" Prince Amabel" (Dublin); "Jack Homer" (Manchester); &c,, &c. LONDON : SAMUEL FRENCH, PUBLISHER, 89, STRAND. NEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH & SON, PUBLISHERS 122, NASSAU STREET. TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. First performed at the Globe Theatre (under the manage- ment of Mr. H. J. Montague), on the 17 th December ', 1873. Characters* MAJOR KEYE (ARTHUR--^ "JF&rt) :../ Mr. GEORGE TEMPLE. MRS. MAJOR KEYE (EVA ^ Flat) Miss LINDA DEITZ. MRS. MINOR (B Sharp) ... ... Miss MARIA. DALY. PLACE: 3, Crochet Street, Quaver Square. TIME : Two-four Time; immediately after the Opera. TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. SCENE. Interior, c., opening ; doors, R. and L. ; fireplace up L. ; a vase filled^ with paper spills on mantel-piece ; supper laid for three; piano, R./ chairs, &c. As the curtain rises, ARTHUR is discovered standing at entrance at back, with his mother-in-law, who has a bed-candle in her hand. MRS. MINOR, (kissing him on forehead) Good night, dear. ARTHUR. Good night good night. Exit MRS. MINOR, c. & R. (turns to audience, and pulls a wry face) Dose as before. That old woman is the bore of my existence ; this having to kiss and fondle one's mother-in-law night and morning, morning and night, is slowly but surely driving me to an early dinner, I mean the other thing. The end of it will be, I shall flare up and probably call her raspberry vinegar ; then she'll call me an unfeeling monster, go away, and we may be happy. It's all very well to have one's mother-in-law for a few weeks after marriage, just to put one's house in order, but, hang it, here she has been these seven months, and has no more intention of moving than that piano! I forgave her trying to graft Eva on to old Broker; I even overlooked her misdirected energy in the matter of marriage settlements; but this continual shadow, falling between oneself and every object in life, is becoming unbearable. Just now, Chalker came into our box at the Opera doosed if she didn't ask him to dinner! I hate Chalker, not because Chalker is his name that's bad enough but because he was my wife's early love, and made her an offer when he couldn't afford it. I hate early loves^no one ever marries a first love, and they're a nuisance all through after life. Now. why doesn't Eva come to supper? 1 do detest being kept waiting for supper when I'm tired. Pier mother is positively ruining her ; and unless I assert myself, I shall lose every bit of authority I .possess. I can't ring for a servant, as I sent them all to bed ; they have been up four nights in succession. I shall not wait much longer, (paces the room) P50870 TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. Enter EVA. EVA. Mamma won't go to bed, Arthur; she persists m sitting in her arm-chair, and saying that something is going to happen she is far from well, (pause) 1 said, Arthur, she if far from well. ARTHUR. If you expect me to say I'm surprised I'm not. If you expect me to say I'm sorry I'm sorry to say, I cannot say I'm sorry. EVA. (laying lack in arm-chair, which stands against small card-table, L.C.) You appear to be in one of your choice mood* to-night. ARTHUR. Yes, indicative mood. EVA. You mean imperative. ARTHUR. I mean precisely what I say. And, moreover, let me tell you, that thanks to the influence of your precious mother, I am gradually becoming a nobody in my own house. EVA. And the probabilities are, your temper will not allow you to regain your position. Of what, or whom, do you com- plian now f ARTHUR. Of Chalker; if your mamma chooses to invite him here to dinner, she may dine with him, I won't. EVA. Poor Chalker. (goes to chair at table, sits) ARTHUR. If he comes here, we dine out (sits) EVA. Keally, Arthur, this sounds a trifle ridiculous ; surely you don't wish me to think you are jealous. ARTHUR. Perhaps I am ; and I don't quite know but th^t I should be better pleased if I saw a little of that quality in you. EVA. I fancy I have heard that jealous women are those who best know man's wicked nature : so suppose jealous men are those who best know themselves. ARTHUR. Thanks, many thanks. You are undoubtedly profiting by your mother's society. However, distinctly un- derstand, I refuse to meet Chalker. I'm not going to have him here gloating over me, and congratulating himself on having nibbled the bait and missed the hook. EVA. This is downright rudeness.. A certain amount, or rather an uncertain amount of temper, one expects, and gets it, as inevitably as sand on a sponge, but such rudeness as ARTHUR. I've long wanted to let you know my mind, and I make use of this opportunity. EVA. I shall be glad of any opportunity to know your mind. ARTHUR. It's decided, at least, on this point. Of course Chalker's love was merely brotherly, first loves always are; besides, you have quite enough change of society in your TWO PLATS AND A SHARP. 5 cousins. There's young Fite, every time lie comes here. u Ah,- how d'ye do, Eva, dear ?" bang goes a kiss. Then Captain Bruce?:'''* Ah, Eva, little-lady, how do?" bang goes another, and hang me. if you don't seem to like it. Do you think' these cousins would kiss and fondle you if you had bad teeth and a squint. ? EVA. And, pray, have / no reason to complain? Don't you invariably kiss Minnie when you meet ? AR'THUR. Oh, Minnie ; oh, that's quite another matter. Minnie and I have played together since we were so high. EVA. So also have I and Captain Bruce. ARTHUR. Yes, but you're a woman. EVA. Well, isn't Minnie? ARTHUR. Yes, of course ; but then you see that oh ! it's BO use arguing with a woman. I object, and that ought to be sufficient. EVA. And would be, had you told me without this rudeness and ioss of temper. ARTHUR, (angrily) Now now Eva now this is too bad. You' know very well that if there is anything I pride myself on, it is my coolness on all occasions ; and if you will persist I say if you will persist (about to bring his hand violently down Upon table) MRS. MINOR puts her head in at entrance at back. ' MRS. M. My loves, my loves, it is fearfully late. ARTHUR, (aside) The shadow again, (aloud) We shall not be many minutes, shall we, dear f EVA. No, love. A little more tongue, petf ARTHUR. Not any more, thanks, dear. MRS. M. Will Arthur have a cigar after supper ? EvA. Will you, love f ARTHUR. Probably, dear. MRS. M. Don't be late, you both look tired. EVA. And bored. MRS. M. Eh? EVA. And bored, ma 1 . MRS. M. No doubt ; the theatre was dreadfully close. Once more, don't be late. Good night ! EVA. Good night, ma' ! ARTHUR, (imitating her) Good night, ma' ! Exit MRS. MINOR. I wish to goodness you would make your ma' understand that I didn't marry her. EVA. Mamma is quite alive to that fact. Indeed, it was 6 TWO PLATS AND A SHABP. only yesterday she remarked how fortunate for you you had not her to deal with, ARTHUR. But I have her to deal with, that's just it. She's becoming a jolly old nuisance. EVA. Arthur, you are forgetting yourself. ARTHUR. I don't care kick I will 1 Whenever I take stalls at the theatre or opera, she must choose them ; when I want a quiet drive she lop-lollops all over the phaeton ; at the sea- side she stalks about in feeble imitation of you, until con- found it people ask me which is my wife. And, good heavens, if she happens to be overlooked in the matter of invitations, one has to get up a lot of frothy indignation and quarrel with one's best friends. EVA. Poor dear mamma ! what am I to dp with her? ARTHUR. Marry her to Chalker, and beg him think it's you: EVA. Arthur, this is beyond endurance. You would wish me to turn mamma out of doors, and bid her seek shelter under the mercenary roof of strangers, perhaps to perish, unloved, untended, and uncared for. ARTHUR. Now, Eva ; now, whenever I am about to pro- pose anything practical or reasonable, you invariably burst into that circulating library manner of yours. EVA. If you go on much longer in this unreasonable way you will compel me to say something extremely unpleasant, (a bell rings) That is mamma's bell, (goes to bell at fireplace) ARTHUR. What are you going to do ? EVA. Call up one of the servants. ARTHUR. No pardon me no ; I won't have the servants dragged out of their beds to tuck up that old woman. EVA. Then I must go myself, (aside) He's fearful to-night. Mamma is so irrepressible, (aloud) As my presence seems so irritating, I shall not return. ARTHUR. Leave me the keys, I shall have a cigar. EVA. (putting keys on table) Do. (aside) He cannot well quarrel with that ; although it would not surprise me if he rang for the tongs to curl the smoke his own way. Exit EVA. ARTHUR, (goes to sideboard and gets cigar box) Now is my time. I either do assert my supremacy in this house, or lose it for ever. Ugh ! when unfortunate man gazes on the young boughs of matrimony, and thinks how pleasant it must be to sit and whistle among the green foliage, he little thinks, until it is too late, what a quantity of bird-lime he is perched on ; and when the autumn comes and the leaves turn yellow, there he is, still, glued fast and whistling feebly, (looks at cigar) Marriage, my friend, is like you in many ways ; notably, it gets more bitter as you near the end. TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. 7 Enter EVA. EVA. Mamma is not so well ; she wants some brandy. ARTHUR. How can she expect to be well ? She ate enough ices to freeze her into a respectable iceberg, and now she wants brandy to thaw her. EVA. You are rather worse than when I left you. ARTHUR. What wound doesn't become worse by constant irritation? EVA. Will vou put in the brandy? ARTHUR. By jove, yes ! (eagerly pouring brandy into a EVA. Stop, stop ! what are you thinking of? ARTHUR. Poison ! (EvA gives him a severe look, and exits, C. to R., with brandy) If she drinks all that, she's booked for a headache all day to-morrow, or I'm no judge of brandy. All this sounds very brutish and ill-tempered. I detest being thought unkind to Eva ; but what caged animal does not get irritated when continually poked at with sticks and umbrellas : although I don't think she cares half as much for me as she did. I believe her mamma weighs out her daily affection every morning with the kitchen butter. She says I'm jealous is she ? No ! and nothing would make her. (goes to vase and takes out a sptif) Why doesn't Eva get a proper spirit-lamp for one's cigars ; it seems to me to be part of a woman's mission on earth to make spills, (is about to light cigar with spill, stops suddenly and blows Ught out) What's this? Chalker's name ? (reads) "Yours, my dear Mrs. Keye, most sincerely Chalker." My dear Mrs. Keye then Chalker's been writing to my wife unknown to me. I thought her mother's gush meant something. Any more? (throws spills on table and searches) I wonder how long I've been lighting my cigars with these precious billets. Perhaps there are more on the mantel- piece in the library stop here's another! (reads) "Above all, don't tell your husband, he is so ." Well, on my life, this is too much ! There must be more in the library I'll look ; and if so, I'll crush her and her designing mother like a couple of blackbeetles. Exit. Enter EVA., hastily. EVA. Not here. So much the better. What base, mean treachery I Scarcely has the newness worn off the marriage Presents when he is making them to another. What shall I o? Better a thousand thousand times 1 had remained blind in my ignorance, than to have my eyes thus cruelly opened, only to see that his love is a sham, and truth with him a mere cipher! Away at once with all feelings of duty or honour down with the frail barrier of affectionand let me 8 TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. I alone remember that I have an indignity to avenge, an insult to be atoned for ! Enter MRS. MINOR, R. C., with hair in curl papers. MRS. M. Let me entreat you, Eva, to be calm above all things be calm ! Lose your coolness damn your cause ! EVA. Ma'! . MRS. M. That is, ruin your cause. Be calnu EVA. It easy for you to bid me be calm, you have not loved him as / have. MRS. M. Scarcely, my dear, /knew what he was from the first ! EVA. Oh, cruel, cruel ! All his love, all his jealousy, one long falsehood ! MRS. M. My love my love ! EVA. The hoped-for happiness of a lifetime destroyed for a paltry trinket. But I will find her out I will-go to her, and offer her a locket of twice the value of this to relinquish him ! MRS. M. My love, what are you thinking of? Do nothing of the kind. Crush this sort of thing at once and for ever. Serve him as I served your father under similar circumstances. EVA. Did he then ? MRS. M. My dear, they all do. Men are all alike, only^the bad ones get found out. Do as I did soar high above him in the ethereal and calm consciousness of your rights ; fhen fall upon him with the overwhelming weight of your wrongs, and crush him ; not like the insignificant emmet of the poet, but gradually and painfully, like a slow and relentless cart wheel ! EVA. No, no; may not this be some hideous mistake ? MRS, M. Is this a mistake? (holding up locket) Sixty guineas at least. Is the word Ellen a mistake encircled by an emblem of eternal constancy ? Is this direction a mistake ? Miss Ellen Wallace, is she a mistake? No, no. Long have I suspected and watched ; now behold the realization of my doubts ! EVA. All true too cruelly true ! MRS. M. Come, my love; be yourself be firm. I hear the monster's footfall ; so will retire, and leave to you the honour of unmasking him. (going) Should he become unmanageable, there is the bell, (points to bell) You carry your weapons here. (taps her forehead) Your armour here, (points to her heart) Am I not with you ? Be firm ! Exit R. C., with a grand air. Enter ARTHUR. ARTHUR, (aside) I cannot find another word. EVA. (aside) I will be quite firm. He will scarcely dare to mention her voluntarily. TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. 9 ARTHUR, (aside) She will scarcely dare to mention him unso- licited (aloud) Ma' any better ? EVA. Thank you, much, (aside) Perhaps it would be as well to go quite away from the subject. ARTHUR, (aside) I had better gradually lead up to Chalker. EVA. I'm sorry to be again compelled to renew the subject, tmt mamma says she doesn't see how we can, with any grace, put off Chalker to-morrow. ARTHUR, (aside) Well, I'm Well, of all the (checking himself) Oh, indeed ah well I'm glad of that, as I have : .' changed my mind ; I wish to see Chalker. EVA. On business ? ARTHUR. Decidedly not pleasure. EVA. You'll find him a much nicer fellow than you anti- cipate. ARTHUR. No doubt, a sort of person one would grow quite fond of. EVA. Oh, quite, when you know him as thoroughly as I do. ARTHUR, (aside) Upon my word, this passes all belief to my very face. EVA. Ma' says, that, in spite of his connexion with business ; he is very superior. Indeed, she would be much pleased if you would cultivate him. ARTHUR. No doubt, (aside) Hang me if they don't want to keep Chalker in stock, in case anything happens to me ! EVA. He is remarkably Well connected. His mother was a woman ARTHUR. Indeed! EVA. Of considerable county influence. Unfortunately, his father ARTHUR. Was a man ! EVA. Scarcely, for he ran through his wife's fortune and influence in a very short time, (aside) I cannot keep up this meaningless war of words much longer. ARTHUR. You have his pedigree quite by heart. EVA. Oh, quite; mamma takes such an interest in him. (aside) He is growing fearfully angry. ARTHUR. Your precious mother takes an interest in every- , thing pernicious to my welfare (raising his voice) and out of this house she goes, by George ! for of all the old EVA. Spare me these epithets. Mamma has quite de- termined to leave here ; she intends living with Aunt Fluffy. ARTHUR. Poor Aunt Fluffy ! thank goodness. EVA. (quietly) And I accompany her. ARTHUR, (shouting) You, what? EVA. And I accompany her. ARTHUR. Take care, Evatake care you are treading on TWO PLATS AND A SHARP. very unsafe ground. If once you leave this house, you never return. EVA. (quietly) Quite so I never return. ARTHUR. Very well very well ; if you prefer your mother to me, by all means let it be so. This, then, is the end of all ! EVA. (still quietly) By no means this is merely the beginning of the end. ARTHUR. What do you mean? (aside) Can she know I have found out about Chalker ? EVA. Thanks to my mother's sagacity, I have been per- mitted an insight into your very estimable character ; and Lave been enabled to determine the exact value of your love and jealousy. ARTHUR. All this sounds very heroic, but I should be better pleased with an explanation. EVA. (aside) I can be calm no longer, (produces locket) Do you recognise this ? (ARTHUR starts) I ask, do you recognise this? ARTHUR, (sighs) Alas, yes ! EVA. You do ? ARTHUR. I do. Sixty-five guineas, without the engraving. EVA. You admit it! ARTHUR. I do. From whence did you obtain it ? EVA. Mamma found it in ARTHUR, (firing up) Well, of all the well upon my How dare I say, how dare she go how dare that old woman interfere with my private matters ? How dare she go poking her lumpy nose into my desks and drawers? This impudence is unbearable ! EVA. Scarcely so flagrant as this, (shows locket) Am I right in premising that this was meant for some woman ? ARTHUR. You are quite right. EVA. This to my face ? ARTHUR. Certainly! (aside) Hallo! by George, she's jealous, the little pet I mean hyaena. EVA. And I am to accept this as the witness of how you have kept your oaths to me. ARTHUR, (lows aside) Isn't she splendid? Didn't know she had it in her. Hanged if she doesn't remind one of a rocket when it bursts far above us ; we cannot believe that so much beauty and brilliancy was contained in such a shell of paper. EVA. And you imagine (with that innate conceit so pre- dominant in man) that I shall sit quietly down under this degradation, and whine like a punished school-girl. No ! I will prove to you that there is something more in me than passive love and obedience. Look, sir, to yourself. TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. 11 ARTHUR. Listen to me. EVA. Spare yourself humiliation by paltry excuses. I am in possession ol all particulars. ARTHUR. Oh, you are, are you ? EVA. Your indifference implies I am not. Is the name of Miss Ellen Wallace unfamiliar ? ARTHUR. Not at all. EVA. I have simply waited for your presence to open this letter, (produces letter) ARTHUR, (suddenly) NoI forbid that you'll spoil the joke! EVA. Joke ? A joke that will end grimly. ARTHUR. Still, I forbid you to open that letter. EVA. Then I request that you will open it for me. (hands him letter) ARTHUR, (putting it quietly into his pocket) ^ By-and-bye, perhaps. First, I have, what your estimable friend Chalker would, in his business-like way, call a little contra account to settle with you. (handing the partly burnt spill) Do you recog- nise that hand writing ? EVA. I do. ARTHUR. You do ! EVA. Certainlyit is a portion of a letter written by Mr. Chalker. ARTHUR. To you ? EVA. Tome. Well? ARTHUR. You admit it? EVA. Assuredly. ARTHUR. You do not appear to be aware that I hold in my hands sufficient proofs to disgrace you in the eyes of the world. EVA. To say nothing of those in your pocket. ARTHUR. And pray, how long have I been permitted to light my cigars with those precious billets ? EVA. I should say this is the first attempt. ARTHUR. Don't prevaricate more than is consistent with human nature, I beg and that ? (hands second spill) EVA. (calmly) And this? (reads) "Above all, don't tell your husband, he is so ." Well, this simply confirms my remark. ARTHUR. Is the remainder of this letter in existence ? EVA. Tt is. ARTHUR. I desire to see it. EVA. Eh? ARTHUR. I desire to see it. EVA. (quietly putting the spills in her pocket) By-and-bye, perhaps. 12 TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. ARTHUR. So ! it's a challenge ; my letter for yours, eh? EVA. Really, the sagacity you evince is quite startling. ARTHUR. Now, mark me ! I never hoped to be called upon to use that authority the law has given me, but you compel me to go further than a request; and I now demand the immediate production of that letter. EVA (controlling herself) In return for yours. ARTHUR. I warn you : you are placing yourself in a very false position. EVA. I accept the responsibility. ARTHUR. You refuse? EVA. Firmly! AKTHUR. Very well; as mutual confidence, respect, and affection are by you destroyed, I am willing that you accom- pany your mother as proposed. EVA. With all my heart ! ARTHUR. By all means : with all your heart. EVA. (aside) Two more words, and I should have burst out Crying, and spoilt all. (goes to piano sits) ARTHUR. (L., aside) She has seriously doubted me possessing no proofs : have I not cause to doubt her possessing proofs ? (sits in arm-chair at fireplace a pause) EVA. (aside) If he would only go to bed, and leave me. ARTHUR, (aside) She may go to bed when she pleases. I remain here, (aloud) Do you intend retiring to-night ? EVA. (yawning) No : I'm not at all sleepy. ARTHUR. Nor am I. (yawns) EVA. 1 beg you will not consider me; I intend remaining here. ARTHUR. Pardon me; I remain here, (lights cigar, and whistles) EVA. If I don't do something I shall go mad. (plays a vigorous lively air) ARTHUR, (sternly) Are you aware, madam, that it is now Sunday morning ? EVA. (indifferently) Very sorry, I'm sure, (changes tune to " Rock of Ages" very slow time) ARTHUR, (a pause aside) I wish she would stop that con- founded noise. EVA. (aside) This may drive him to sleep. ARTHUR, (aside) Is there anything on the face of this earth 80 irritating as an aggravating woman ? (as he is speaking EVA gradually plays slower and less distinct ; then ceases, and gra- dually leans her head on her arm, having previously taken out her pocket-handkerchief and now and then brushing tears away from her eyes, playing with one hand during the time ARTHUR fits ot table) Ton my word, I don't wonder at fellows shying TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. 13 marriage! I thought nothing on earth could have disturbed our happiness ; and, by Jove, here we are, in something less than a year, standing on the very brink of that chasm divorce! (ARTHUR rises and stands back to fire EVA at piano sobs) Eh? She's crying. Poor darling I mean little wretch cry away ! I'll insist upon her going to bed women cry more comfortably in bed. In fact, I believe women enjoy crying in bed. (aloud to her) Mrs. Keye, I insist upon your retiring. I say, Mrs. Keye Mrs. (looks at her) Hanged if she isn't asleep ! (goes to piano) She has been crying ; poor lamb I mean little crocodile. Quite used up, no doubt. How shall I act? Suppose I set her an example I will, (goes to table, L., and writes) " To save you further mortification, T leave you ! first placing in your hands that which has caused your doubts. May you forgive yourself as readily as. I forgive you." (takes letter out of packet, breaks the seal, and places it, together with the written paper, in her lap) Now I'll get a rug, go into the drawing-room, and tuck myself tip on the sofa. Exit, door, L. EVA. (waking) Good gracious I verily believe I had fallen asleep ! He has gone ! (lets her hand fall on her lap, and unconsciously plays with, the papers) Oh, why didn't I give him the letter and tell him all ? Have I done wrong ? (looks at papers) What is this ? His writing ! (rises, goes to lamp and reads then tears open letter reads letter) Oh, foolish, silly girl ! What have I done what have I done ? (sinks into chair) MRS. MINOR looks in at door, c. MRS. M. Well, darling, is the Python slain? Have you smitten him, hip and thigh? EVA. What have you done ? You have driven him away from me, and made us both wretched for life. MRS. M. Bless me, what is the girl talking about ? EVA. Read that, (hands letter to MRS. M.) and learn how cruelly unjust we both have been. MRS. M. Dear me, how could we (reads) " My dear Miss Wallace, I shall be glad to assist you for your poor father's sake, as well as your own ; and willingly purchase the locket at your own price." EVA. (takes letter and continues to read) " I shall be pleased if I find I can have the Ellen altered to Eva, for my dear little wife." MRS. M. Gracious ! then the locket EVA. Was bought for me ; and, dear good-hearted old boy, no doubt to oblige some friend in distress. What have I done? But my letter (hurriedly searching her pocket) 14 TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. Enter ARTHUR, door L., with rug going up, back. EVA. Wait, Arthur dear, one instant. I want to tell you how truly sorry I am for my share in this unfortunate mistake; I do so sincerely ask your pardon. See, here is the remainder of Chalker's letter, (shows letter) ARTHUR. Too late ; you have seriously doubted me. EVA. And you too, Arthur, (smiling, holds out letter) ARTHUR, (reads) u / have no choice but to write and ask you to beg of your mamma not to call again at our office concerning your husband^s money placed in our care ; he would scarcely approve" No, by George ! And please to understand, Mrs. Minor, that your daughter is as capable of weighing out the kitchen butter as I am of attending to my own business. MRS. M. Really, Arthur, 1 heard that Ledger & Co. were likely to stop payment. ARTHUR. And if so, is that any cause for you to make me look like a fool at my own brokers ? MRS. M. Well, Arthur, the fact is ARTHUR. The fact is, madam, you are very much too sharp, and the sooner I know that I am safe from your (EvA places her hand over his mouth) MRS. M. (with offended dignity) I trust, sir, that when I reach the tranquil bosom of your aunt Fluffy, you will miss the tender solicitude of one whose only fault has been a too anxious affection for the welfare of her children. Exit, R. ARTHUR. I'm sadly afraid, Eva, little woman, that we have been a couple of dreadful flats. EVA. Flats ? perhaps so. But we might go running up and down the scale of life, two flats in perfect harmony. ARTHUR. But the introduction of a sharp creates a discord. Never mind ; it has taught us a new proverb, namely : always "bear in mind the key you are playing in. Curtain* Printed by Thomas Scott, Warwick Court, HolbofB. MUSIC OF BTTRLESQUES, OPERAS, AND DRAMAS TO LOAN. WOTE. Rano and vocal parta are marked p. v. The figures in columns denote th PRICE per MONTH. DEPOSIT: TWO MONTHS' HIRE. t. d. Acis and Galatea, bnrL p. T. ...10 6 Agreeable Surprise, opra, p. T. ... 2 Aladdin, opera ... ~. .. 5 Aladdin, [Miss Keating] burl. p. v. 2 6 Aladdin, Byron, burl. p. T... ...20 Ditto, 8 band parti ^ ...15 Alcestis,burl. p. v ...10 6 Ali Baba [Miss Keating] buri. p. V. 5 Ali Baba [Byron] burl. p. T. ...20 Ditto, 8 band parts ~. ...15 All atC, p. v ~. ...15 Alonzo the Brave, burl. p. T. ...20 Ditto, 9 band parts 15 Ashore and Afloat, drama, 10 band pnrts... 10 Atalunta, burl., 6 band parts .. 7 Bare-faced Impostors, farce, p. T.... 5 Beauty and Beast [Keating] p. T.... 6 Beggars' Opera, vocal score ... 3 6 Black Beard, opera, p. r 8 Black Eyed Susan, drama, full score 5 Black Eyed Susan, bnrl. p. T. ...20 Ditto, 9 band parts 20 Blind Boy, opera, p. T. ... ... 3 6 Bine Beard, drama, p. T. 6 Bine Beard Repaired, p. T.... ...30 Bine Beard [Byron's] burl. p. T. ...15 Ditto, 6 band parts .. ..10 Bine Beard [Miss Keating] p. T. ... 6 Bombastes.p. v 7 6 Ditto, 6 band parta ... ... 5 Bronze Horse, drama, p. T 20 BroAvn and the Brahmins,buri. p. T.15 Brother and Sister, opera, p. r. ... 5 Bottlelmp, drama,! &2violin,basso 8 Cabinet, opera, p v ... ... ... 8 Camaralzfiman, extrav. p T ..15 Camp, The, opera, p r .. .. 2 6 Cost King of Granada, extrav., p ylO Castle Grim CHeece] comic op. pr 5 Castie of Andalusia, opera, p T . . 6 Castle Spectre, opera, p Y . . . . V 6 Cataract of Ganges, dra, 6 band ptslC Charles XII, instrumental of song, " Rise, Gentle Moon " . . ..80 Children m the Wood, opera, p T... 2 6 Ching Chang Fon, burl, p v ...10 Cinderella [Byron] burl. 8 band pts 15 Cinderella [Byron] burl, p v . .20 Cinderella [Miss Keating] burLp v 5 Cinderella, opera, p r .. ..76 Clari, opera, p v .. .. .. 7 6 Comus, opera, p v . . . ,.60 Court of Lyons, burl, p T .. . .15 f Cricket on Hearth, dra. lObnd pts 5 Critic, opera, p v 26 '. Dangnter of Danube,extra.v4band parts 50 .Dearer than Life, drama, 9band pts 10 6 Deeds not Words, drama, 11 band parts 7 9 8. d. Devil's Bridge, opera, p v 7 6 Dolly, comic opera, p v 15 Ditto, 14 band parts 15 Don Caesar de Bazan, drama, p Y... 7 6 Don Juan, pant., 4 band parts ... 3 6 Dreamland, cantata, p r !0 Duenna, opera, p v o 6 Duke's Motto, drama, 9 band parts 15 Eddystone Elf, drama, 6 band parts 5 Ernani, burl., 9 band parts ...10 Esmeralda, burl.,pv 5 (J> Ditto, 10 band parto 15 Exile, opera, p v 3 b Fair Helen, opera, p v 7 6 Fair Rosamond's Bower, burl., p v 10 Fairyland, fairy play, p v 7 6 False Alarms [Braham] opera, p r 2 6 False Alarms [King] opera, p v ... 3 6 Fanchette, speretta, p v 5 Farmer, opera, p v 3 6 Farmer, opera, p v 2 6 Father and Son, drama, 5 band pts 5 Field of Cloth of Gold, burl., p v.,.20 Forest of Bondy, opera, p v ... 5 Fortunio, extrav., 9 band parts ...15 Forty Thieves, opera, p v 2 6 Fra Diavola, burl., p v 20 Ditto, 9 band parts 15 Frankenstein, burl. 6 band parts ... 5 6 Frederick the Great, opera, p v ... 4 Ganem, vocal, 13 band parts ...15 Geraldine,pv 10 Golden Fleece, song, " I'm still ... flutter ,"pv 1 Grazfella, cantata, p v 10 Guy Mannering, drama, p v ...10 Ditto, 6 band parts 5 Happy Man, p v... 3 6 Ditto, 10 bund parts 7 6 Hamlet, grave-digger's song and accom 10 Hartford Bridge, opera, p v ..26 Harvest Home, pastoral cantata pv 10 Haunted Mill, p v 36 Haunted Tower, comic opera, p v 5 Haanted Tewer, opera, p v . . 2 He would be an Actor, full score . . 2 8 Highland Lassie Ballet, 3 band pts. 3 Highland Reel, opera, p v 2 6 High Life below Stairs, song, "All in a Livery" 1 House that Jack Built, full score 10 Ill-treated Trovatore, p. v 15 Ditto, 9 band parts 15 Illustrious Stranger, p. T. 5 Invincible, The, opera, p. r 5 6 Ivanhoe, burl. p. v ....15 Ditto, 8 band parts 10 Ixion, p. v 20 Ditto, 9 band parta 15 Q> JacV Shcppnrd (songs in)..., >, "1 6 Jean I- 1 te's Wedding, p. v 1 Joan of Arc, burl. p. v: IS Joan of Arc, drama, 4 band parH. . f Keiilltrorth, bnrl. p. v. 20 King Alfr^I nnd the c.ikes.burl.p.r. 8 Lady Godivn, vocni,; rmcl l:s bHndpts.20 Lad/ of Lyons, [Jlyron] burl. p. V...1S Ditto, 5 band parts 10 La Somn.-vnbula [P.yron] burl.,... 16 Ditto, i; band parts 10 Little Hod Rid ing Hood, p. v 7 6 Loan of a Lover, p. v 5 Lock and Key, opera, p. v 2 6 Lodoiskr. , opera, p. v 2 6 Lord Lovcl, p. v 7 <5 Lost and Found 6 Love in a Village, p. v f Love in a Village, opera, p. v 8 6 Love's Limit, comic opera, p. v 7 6 Luke the Labourer, 6 band parts. ,2 . Haebeth,ttagedy, v. score & 8 b. pts.19 Macbeth Travestie, p. v 7 6 Ditto, 4 band parts 6 Madame An got, p. v 5 Maid and Magpie, drama, p. score... 3 6 Maid and Magpie, [Byron] burl. p.v. 20 Ditto, 1) band parts 15 Maid of Mill, or-era, p.v 6 Bfaid of the Mill, opera, p. r 2 6 Maid with Milking Fail (song) 1 Manager Strutt, 8 band partg 6 Mariner's Compass, drama, lib. p... 15 Marriage by Lantern Light, p. v. ... 5 Marriage Figaro, C'tess pt,with bass 5 Mary Turrer, p. v 10 Ditto, 12 band parts 15 Masaniello, burl. p. v 20 Masaniello, drama, 4 band parts 3 fl Masaneillo, opera, p. v 10 Matrimony, opera, p. v 3 6 Mazeppa, burl. p. r 20 Ditto, 10 band parts 10 Medea, burl, full vocal score ........ .10 Ditto, 8 band parts 10 I Merchant of VeniceCunpub.songa of) 2 ' Midas, p. v 5 Mids. Night's Dream, [Bishop] p. v. 7 6 Military Hilly Taylor, p.v 15 Miller and Men, burl, p.v 10 Ditto, 9 band parts 10 Miller and Men, drama, 5 band parts 7 6 Miller and his Men, opera, p. v 5 Miller Ont-witted, 3 band parts ... 2 6 Minerali, 8 band parts 2 6 Mischief-Making, vocal A 1C o. pts 10 Monsieur Jacques, p. v 6 Mother Geo band parts 15 My Grandmother, opera, p. v 2 6 My Poll and my Partner Joe,burl.p.v. 15 No, 4 band parts 2 6 No Song, no Supper, opera, p. v. ... 5 Nurseryrymia, Fairy play, p. r. ... 5 Of /. ge to-morrow, opera 3 6 Orpheus and Eurydicc,[Brough]p.v. 2 6 Padlock, The, opera, p. Y. , 8 6 *. d, Pas de Fascination, 8 band parts ... 5 Patient Penelope, p. v 10 Paul and Virginia, opera, p. v 3 g Peeping Tom of Coventry,opera,p.r. 3 6 Perdita, burl. p. v ". 20 Pet Dove [Gounod] ccm.op.fullv.se. 5 Pirates, opera, p.v 5 Pizarro. p. r 3 Ditto, 4 band parts 2 Poor Soldier, opera, p. v 2 <5 Prize, The, opera, p. CTT. ii 6 Purse, The, opera 2 c Puss in Hoots, [Plancae] full score 7 6 Puss in Roots [Miss Keating] p. v. 5 Quaker, p. v 5 Raymond and Agnes, 3 band parts 3 Raymond and Agnes, opera, p. v.... 7 6 Rob Roy, p. v...i 5 Ditto, 9 band parts 5 Robin Hood, bnrl. p. v 15 Ditto, 9 band parts 15 Robinson Crusoe, p. v 5 Review, p. v 5 Robert Macaire, 4 band parts 2 6 Rosina, opera, p. v 3 ft Sentinel, p. v 5 Ditto, 14 band parts 15 Sleeping Beauty [Miss Keating] p.v. 5 Sign or Pantaloon, p. v 20 ** Swiss Swains, v, sc. opening chorus 5 u Sister's Sacrifice, 11 band parts. . . .15 6 Sweethearts and Wives, p. v f> " Swiss Cottage, p. v 5 Ditto, 6 band parts 5 9 Slave, The, opera, p. v 5 Son-in-law, opera, p.v. i> 6 St. David's Day, opera, p.v 3 6 Siege of Bel grade, opera, p.v 2 6 Shepherd of Cournouilles, p. v 3 6 Sardanapulus, tragedy, entire music 7 6 Trombalcnzar, p. v 7 6 Trooper's Horn, full score 7 6 Tell w ith a vengeance, p. v 7 6 Ditto, 10 band parts 7 6 Tale of Mystery, opera, p. v 3 Timour the Tartar, opera, p. v 4 6 Turnpike Gate, opera, p. v o 6 Three and the Deuce, opera, p.v.. . 2 6 Vilikins and Dinah, p. v 7 6 Vampire, 4 band parts 5 Watch and Wait, drama, 8 bnd prts 7 6 White Horse of Peppers, p. v 2 6 Ditto, 6 band parts 2 6 William Tell [ Brough] p. r 2 6 White Cat [Keating] p. v 3 White Cat [Planchej full score Whittington and Cat, 7 band {tarts 5 Welsh Girl, overture, full score 2 6 Willow Pattern Plate, 9 band parts 7 6 Wallace, Hero of Scotl'd, opera, p.v. 3 6 Waterman, p.v 2 6 Who's the Heir, operetta, p. v 4 Who stole the clock, opera boulle,p.v. 7 6 Wedding Day, opera, p. v 5 Widows Bewitched, operetta p. v. .10 Windsor CstlJBurnand]op.Vnrl,p.v. 2 6 Yellow Dwarf [Miss Keating] p. v. 3 No Goods Exchanged or Sent on Approval DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE PLAYS, AND DRAMATIC WORKS, With a Complete List of Amateur Plays and Articles. CONTENTS. Amateur Operas Amateur Plays Articles needed by Amateu Bits of Burlesques. . Bound Set of Plays Brough^s Burlesques Bulwer Lytton's Plays Burnt Cork Charades Comic Dramas for Male Ch Costumes, Male Costumes, Female Cumberland's Edit on Darkey Drama Dramas for Boys English Operas Ethiopian Dramas Evening's Entertainment Fairy and Home Plays.. French Opera Bouffe's.. French's (Late Lacy's) Edition . French's Standard and Minor Drama 13 PAGE. 36 26 45 32 23 36 22 45 32 36 39 42 15 33 36 37 33 34 34 36 1 Guide Books Italian Operas , Juvenile Plays Knight's Cabinet Shakespeare .. Ladies' Plays Lightning for Private Theatricals Make-up Book Make-up Box 48 Male Character Pieces 31 PAGE' Miscellaneous Plays 30 Miscellaneous Works . ; . . . , . . 23 Mrs. Jarley's Wax Works 31 Music for Sale 37 Music to Loan 24 Nigger Jokes and Stamp Speeches . , 34 Operettas 31 Pantomimes 22 Parlour Comedies 35 Parlour Magic . . 35 Parlour Pantomimes 3H Pieces of Pleasantry 32 Reciters and Speakers 38 Ristori's Plays 23 Rou.id Games 35 Roufce 46 Scenes for Amateurs 23 Scriptural Plays 36 Sensation Dramas 52 Sensation Series 32 Serio- Comic Dramas. Male Characters 36 Shadow Pantomimes 37 Shakespearian Cos tumes 47 Shakespeare's Plays 22 Tableaux Lights 45 Tableaux Vivants 48 Temperance Plays 30 Tom Taylor's Comedies 22 Vocal Music of Shakespeare's Plays 37 Wigs, Beards, Moustaches, &c 47 Works on Costumes 47 ALL MAILABLE ARTICLES IN THIS CATALOGUE SENT POST FREE IN GREAT BRITAIN. FOREIGN POSTAGE MUST BE ADDED. IN ORDERING AND REMITTING BY MAIL ALWAYS SEND P.O.O. IF POSSIBLE. NEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH & SON, PUBLISHERS, 122, NASSAU STREET. SAMUEL FRENCH, PUBLISHER, 89, STRAND. Payment MUST 'iccownrnw each Order. VOLUME 101. 1564 Love Wins 1628 Seven Sins 1501 Blow for Blow 1565 Deeds, not Words 1629 Good Natu 1502 Bought 15H6 Lottery of Life 1630 Hand and ( 1503 Cherry and Fair Star 1567 Tramp's Adventure 1631 Keep your !: 150 4 State Prisoner 1568 Tradesman's Son 1632 British Bor 1505 Waltz, by Arditi 1569 Sixteen String Jack 1633 Jessamy's ( 150(5 The William Simpson 1570 The Miller's Maid 1634 False Alarr 15')7 An Optical Delusion 1571 Allow me to Apologise 1685 Up in the V" 1508 Green-eyed Monster 15' >9 Crimeless Criminal 1510 Billy Doo 1511 Phantom Breakfast 1512 Barnaby Rudge 1513 Popocatapetl 1514 Midnight, the 13th Chime 1515 Country Girl 1572 D'ye know me now 1573 The Sea 1574 Our Pet 1575 Stolen Jewess VOLUME me. 1576 20 min. under Umbrella 1577 Mr. Joffin's Latch Key 157s Watch and Wait VOLUMI. 1636 Uncle's Wil. 1637 Fame 1638 One in the '. 1639 Chain of Gi 1640 Peter Bell 1641 Little Suns 1642 Insured at '. VOLUME 102. 1579 Family Pictures 1643 Demon of tl 151 1> Jaques Strop 1580 Agnes De Vere 1644 Dice of Dea 1517 London Bridge. Is. 1581 The Two Orphans Is. 1645 False Colon 1518 Absent Man 1582 The Fatal Glass 1646 Rose of Cor 1519 Race for a Dinner 1583 Ashore and Afloat 1647 The Signal 1520 Sweeny Todd 1584 Jeannette and Jeannot 1648 Tower of Lc 1521 Fast Coach 1585 By Royal Command 1649 Vidocq 1522 My Very Last Proposal 1586 Blow in the Dark 1650 Weaver of I 1523 Shipmates 1524 A Love Test 1525 Two Blinds 152(5 All at C. 15*7 Painless Dentistry 1588 Taking the Veil 1589 Rely on my Discretion 1690 Who Stole the Clock 1 VOLUME 1651 Who'll lend 1652 Extremes r 1527 My Husband's Secret 1528 His own Enemy 1529 Plots for Petticoats 1630 Hugger Mugger VOLUME 1(7. 1591 The Bridal Wreath 1592 The Gold Fiend 1593 Tom Bowling 1653 Bould Soger 16)4 Golden Plow 1655 Sweethearts 16 ->6 Little Back 1657 Anchor of I VOLUME 103. 1594 Narcisse the Vagrant 1658 HomeAgah 1531 Alone 1595 Everyone has his fault 1659 Sylvester D- 1532 Madame Angot. O.Bouffe isgn The Devil's Ducat 16