I 
 
 UC-NRLF 
 
 35 
 
 
UNZVERSXT? OF 
 PAYI3 
 
DOC HORNE 
 
DOC HORNE. 
 
DOC' HORNE 
 
 A Story of the Streets and Town 
 
 GEORGE ADE 
 
 AUTHOR OF "ARTIE," "PINK MARSH," ETC. 
 PICTURES BY 
 
 JOHN T. McCUTCHEON 
 
 
 HERBERT S. STONE AND COMPANY 
 
 CHICAGO AND NEW YORK 
 
 MDCCCXCIX 
 
 LIBRARY 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 
COPYRIGHT 1899, BY 
 HERBERT S. STONE & CC 
 
 THIS STORY IS REWRITTEN IN PART FROM A SERIES 
 OF ARTICLES THAT FIRST APPEARED IN THE CHICAGO 
 RECORD, AND THANKS ARE DUE TO MR. VICTOR 
 F. LAWSON FOR PERMISSION TO USE THIS MATERIAL. 
 
Doc' Home 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 THE HIGH WATER IN '57 
 
 "If they had built the Mississippi levees 
 as I told them to, long- before the war, they 
 wouldn't be washed away every year," said 
 Doc' Horne. 
 
 "You've been through that flood country, 
 have you, Doc?" asked the lush. 
 
 "As often as you have fingers and toes," 
 replied Doc.' "I think it was in 1857 that 
 I went out from Cairo in charge of a relief 
 expedition, and the river was so high that, 
 as far as you could 'see in any direction, 
 nothing but tree tops and the roofs of houses 
 showed above the water. ' ' 
 
 "Those floods must be awful," said the 
 dentist. 
 
 "My uncle didn't think sp," remarked the 
 lush, with a palpable wink at the light- 
 ning dentist. "My uncle was down south 
 
2 DOC' HORNE 
 
 for his health, and was living in a small 
 house a short distance from Vicksburg. He 
 occupied an upper room, and his two negro 
 servants slept downstairs. Well, when the 
 flood season came, his neighbors were 
 uneasy, and some of them moved away, but 
 he was never much of a man to worry about 
 trouble until it actually came. He believed 
 the levee was strong enough to hold the 
 current, and he said that even if there was 
 an overflow it wouldn't do any more harm 
 than dampen his front yard. He took his 
 regular sleep every night, and didn't fret. 
 Now what do you think? This will interest 
 you, Doc'." 
 
 "Yes?" said Doc', inquiringly. 
 
 "Yes, sir, he awoke one morning and saw 
 a tree just outside his window. He didn't 
 know what to make of it. There hadn't 
 been any tree there the night before. He 
 began to think some one had worked a mir- 
 acle on him, so he got up and looked out of 
 the window, and there was a whole clump 
 of timber in front of him, and the whole 
 country, as far as he could see, was .inun- 
 dated. You see, the levee had broken dur- 
 ing the night and flooded the country for 
 miles. The water simply lifted my uncle's 
 
THE HIGH WATER IN '57 3 
 
 house off its wooden foundation and floated 
 it a half-mile or so, and lodged it against 
 this patch of timber. He slept through it 
 all." 
 
 "Were the servants drowned?" asked the 
 dentist. 
 
 "No, they ran away. They were so 
 frightened they didn't even stop to arouse 
 my uncle, and he always 
 said he was glad they 
 hadn't aroused him, be- 
 cause he hated to get 
 up in the night. If I 
 remember it right, the 
 two servants were found 
 in a cottonwood tree 
 the next day. It may 
 have been some other 
 kind of a tree, but I 
 think it was a cotton- 
 wood. ' ' 
 
 "It's not unlikely," 
 
 . , ^ , .,, . . THE RACE-TRACK MAN. 
 
 said Doc , with a look 
 
 of dry disdain at the lush. "That country 
 used to be full of cottonwood trees when I 
 was along there making contracts for steam- 
 boat fuel." 
 
 "Your uncle must have had a hard time 
 
4 DOC' HORNE 
 
 getting his house back to where it be- 
 longed," suggested the race-track man. 
 
 "I suppose he waited until there was 
 another flood, and then let it float back," 
 said the dentist. 
 
 "Now, here; this is right what I'm tell- 
 ing you," said the lush, who pretended to 
 resent these interruptions. "He didn't 
 have to move the house at all. The new 
 location over by the patch of timber suited 
 him so well that he bought the land, had a 
 new foundation put under the house, and it 
 so happened that the flood set it down 
 almost exactly on a north and -south line, so 
 that it didn't have to be moved more than 
 three inches to make it face exactly east. 
 The flood brought the stable along, too, and 
 dropped it just a short distance from the 
 house, so that uncle didn't have very 
 many things to move over from the old 
 location." 
 
 "Would you like to have a true story?" 
 asked Doc' Home. "When I was out in 
 charge of this same relief expedition, we 
 picked up in mid-river a cradle in which a 
 baby was asleep. We learned afterward 
 that the baby had floated some thirty miles 
 before we found it. I presume that the 
 
THE HIGH WATER IN '57 5 
 
 water gave a gentle rocking movement to 
 the cradle and kept the child asleep." 
 
 There was a pause of a few moments, and 
 then the dentist said: "Well, anyway, I 
 don't like this wet season of the year." 
 
 "Yes, but we're better off here than they 
 are out in the country, where the roads are 
 muddy," said the lush. 
 
 "That's a fact. Down in Indiana, where 
 I used to live, we had the black prairie mud. 
 At this time of the year it would take four 
 horses to pull a two-wheeled cart with a 
 man and a sack of flour in it. ' ' 
 
 "I don't doubt it," said Doc.' "Any 
 one who was acquainted with this western 
 country in the early days can tell you some 
 remarkable stories of what we had to con- 
 tend with in overland travel. Why, right 
 here in Chicago, before they put down the 
 corduroy roads, wagons used to mire in 
 Clark Street, and any one who lived as far 
 out as Evanston or La Grange had to swim 
 half of the way to get to Chicago at this time 
 of the year. On the occasion of my first 
 visit to this town, a man named Simpson 
 and I used to take a great many horseback 
 rides out into the surrounding country. He 
 was trying to sell me some tracts of so-called 
 
6 DOC HORNE 
 
 farm land, but it was really swamp and raw 
 prairie, and I couldn't see my way clear to 
 buy. Most of it is worth from one hundred 
 to one thousand dollars a front foot now, 
 but that's neither here nor there. 
 
 "As I said, we used to take many horse- 
 back rides together. It was in May, and we 
 were having some very warm weather, fol- 
 lowing a season of continued rains. The 
 roads had been practically impassable for 
 weeks, but they were drying rapidly, espe- 
 cially on top. You have doubtless seen, 
 gentlemen, a muddy road with this 'dry 
 crust. At intervals along the roads there 
 were deep rucks, or 'mud-holes,' as they 
 were called. When a mud-hole dries rapidly 
 a cracked and flaky crust forms on top, and 
 the large flakes curl up and warp in the sun. 
 Often enough the crust will be as dry as a 
 bone, while underneath are several feet of 
 soft mud. I don't know that you ever heard 
 the term, gentlemen, but in those days a 
 mud-hole with this deceptive dry crust on 
 top was called a 'loblolly. ' Often it would 
 require weeks of warm weather to dry out 
 one of those places. 
 
 "Well, as I started to tell you, Simpson 
 and I came to one of these low places in the 
 
THE HIGH WATER IN '57 7 
 
 road. It seemed dry, even dusty, on top, 
 but I had had some experience in prairie 
 country, so I told Simpson to go slow. He 
 had been out from the east but a short time, 
 and thought he knew it all. He started 
 across. Of course, the dry shell broke 
 through as if it were thin ice, and the first 
 thing he knew he and the horse were stuck 
 deep in the softest mire I ever saw. I 
 jumped off my horse and threw him one end 
 of my hitch-rein, and pulled him out. I sup- 
 posed, of course, that the horse could get out 
 of the mud if relieved of the weight. He 
 couldn't, though. The more he struggled, 
 the deeper he went. I had heard of horses 
 sinking in quicksand, but that was the first 
 and only time I saw a horse sink right down 
 into the mud. ' ' 
 
 "Did he go clear in under?" asked the 
 race -track man. 
 
 "Yes, sir, he sank completely out of sight, 
 and we had to stand there helpless. We 
 couldn't save him. I understand that later 
 in the summer some of the men dug down, 
 out of curiosity, to see how far he had sunk, 
 and they had to dig about five feet before 
 they came to the saddle." 
 
 4 'Doc', that cigar doesn't seem to be burn- 
 
8 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 ing very well," said the lush. "Try a fresh 
 one. ' ' 
 
 Only the dentist knew that this tender of 
 the cigar was an act of surrender on the part 
 of the lush, who had boasted that he could 
 tell a story which would silence Doc' for all 
 evening. 
 
 A FRESH CIGAR. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 
 THE FIRST SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY 
 
 The lightning dentist stood in the doorway 
 of the Alfalfa European Hotel and looked 
 out at the dripping street. The granite 
 blocks of the pavement were newly washed, 
 and they shone in surprised cleanliness 
 where the light fell on them. 
 
 A hansom cab rolled by, the horse steam- 
 ing and the driver crouched inside a great 
 rubber coat. Only one light could be seen 
 in the big, water-soaked building opposite, 
 and that was in a first-floor office where a 
 late employe* was doubled over a ledger. 
 
 One or two pedestrians sloshed along, 
 bracing their umbrellas against the cold 
 wind. The lightning dentist turned up his 
 coat collar and shivered with sympathy. A 
 stronger gust of wind blew the raindrops 
 against his face and he retreated. 
 
 He saw Doc' Home, the actor and the 
 lush seated in drooping silence near the 
 steam heater. They had moved their chairs 
 9 
 
io DOC HORNE 
 
 toward the radiator as if to deceive them- 
 selves, but they knew the radiator was 
 the coldest thing in the room. Doc' Home 
 had been attempting to read an evening 
 paper. Even the paper was moist, for 
 it did not crackle when he folded it and gave 
 it a disgusted fling. 
 
 "Bad night," observed the dentist, 
 gloomily, rubbing his hands. 
 
 "Miserable, miserable," said Doc' 
 Home. 
 
 "It's cold in this office to-night," said the 
 dentist "I wish I knew where to go or 
 what to do. ' ' 
 
 "We might go into the bar and see 
 Steve," said the lush, hopefully. 
 
 This suggestion was received in silence. 
 
 "Or," continued the lush, "we might go 
 up to my room and send down for some- 
 thing to drink. Come on ; it will be more 
 comfortable up there." 
 
 The invitation was accepted without any 
 enthusiasm. Before the party went upstairs 
 the lush sent the bell-boy for a bottle of 
 whisky and a large-sized reservoir of seltzer. 
 
 Whenever the lush had visitors he 
 always made these preparations . for enter- 
 taining them, no matter whether they drank 
 
SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY n 
 
 or not. Doc' Home was a total abstainer. 
 The actor was a cautious drinker, who, when 
 dragged to the bar, usually compromised on 
 sweet Catawba wine or a small glass of beer. 
 Even the lightning dentist, although he told 
 stories of fabulous expenditures for wine 
 while visiting in Cincinnati, seldom took 
 more than one drink an evening. 
 
 Nevertheless, the lush put the whisky, 
 the seltzer, the ice 
 and the glasses on 
 the table in his room 
 and confidently in- 
 vited his friends to 
 "drink hearty." 
 The lightning den- 
 tist took his one 
 drink, although he 
 nearly choked in the 
 effort, and the others 
 mildly protested and 
 asked to be excused. "OUR HOST." 
 
 The lush expressed himself as disap- 
 pointed at their failure to be "good fellows," 
 and drank two magnificent "high balls" in 
 order to rebuke them. Then he sat on the 
 bed and at intervals thereafter he would 
 point at the bottles on the table and look 
 
12 DOC' HORNE 
 
 inquiringly at his guests, who never failed 
 to shake their heads. 
 
 The conversation had gone the range of 
 commonplaces, mostly in regard to the 
 weather, and then it turned upon the fact 
 that a European hotel on a wet and chilly 
 night is not the most cheerful place in the 
 world. 
 
 "Here we are, gentlemen, four of us," 
 said Doc' Home. "All of us have 
 reached the age at which men should marry 
 perhaps all have passed the age at which 
 it is advisable to choose a helpmate." 
 
 "That's a fact, Doc'," said the lush, 
 reaching for the seltzer. 
 
 "Of course, matrimony is a lottery. Per- 
 haps we are better off than if we had joined 
 the Benedicts, but on a night like this it 
 occurs to me that if I were seated before my 
 own grate-fire in my own library, with my 
 own children around me, I would be happier 
 than I am here." Doc' made a reassuring 
 gesture, and continued: "I don't mean to 
 reflect on the hospitality of our friend here 
 or intimate that I am not satisfied with the 
 present company, but " 
 
 "Certainly, we understand," said the 
 actor. 
 
SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY 13 
 
 "If we were to own up, gentlemen, I sup- 
 pose every man-jack of us came very near 
 being married at some time or other." 
 
 The lush softly prepared another 
 "high-ball." 
 
 "Doctor, I consider it quite remarkable 
 that you never married," said the actor. 
 
 "Maybe he couldn't find a woman good 
 enough for him," suggested the dentist. 
 
 "I have met thousands who were too 
 good for any man who ever lived," replied 
 Doc', with considerable warmth. "The 
 problem in matrimony is not to find a good 
 woman. The problem is to find a woman 
 who will be sufficiently patient and chari- 
 table to bear with the faults which are com- 
 mon to the sex represented here this 
 evening." 
 
 "The ladies," said the lush, arising 
 from the bed and holding out the glass as if 
 to offer a toast. 
 
 "Sit down!" commanded the dentist. 
 
 "It is largely a question of compatibility," 
 continued Doc'. "Harmless compound 
 No. i harmless compound No. 2. You put 
 them together and the result is an explosive. 
 Poison No. i added to poison No. 2 gives a 
 harmless neutral. Two beautiful colors 
 
14 DOC' HORNE 
 
 put them together and you have discord. 
 Matrimony is often a plunge in the dark. 
 The man never knows whether he will land 
 on a bed of roses or in a nest of thorns. 
 That is, he doesn't know unless he has a 
 knowledge of women based on the study of 
 many marriages and the resulting experi- 
 ences. Now I know just what kind of a wife 
 I ought to have, but it has required many 
 years of study for me to find it out. I know 
 you gentlemen fairly well. I know the kind 
 of wife that each of you ought to " 
 
 "Do you, for a fact, Doc'?" asked the den- 
 tist, eagerly. 
 
 "What kind *v wife I ought to have, 
 Doc'?" asked the lush. 
 
 "None just at present," replied Doc', 
 closing his lips tightly. 
 
 "Thanks," and he reached for the bottle. 
 
 "Doc', you said a while ago that probably 
 everyone of. us had come very near being 
 married at some time or other," put in the 
 dentist. "Now, as a matter of fact, how 
 near did you ever come to it?" 
 
 "I was married once," said Doc', quietly. 
 
 "Wha-a-at!" 
 
 "I was and I was not. I am a single man 
 in the United States. In Brazil, at this 
 
SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY 15 
 
 minute, I would be a married man, provided 
 Rita is still living." 
 
 "What's her name Rita?" 
 
 "Yes, I haven't seen her in thirty years. 
 That's rather a long time for a man to 
 remain away from his wife, eh?" 
 
 He winked at the dentist and shook with 
 inward laughter. They waited. 
 
 "The circumstances were rather pecu- 
 liar," began Doc', gazing hard at the floor. 
 "It was in, let's see yes, 1866. I was in 
 New York that spring to transact some busi- 
 ness, and while there I became acquainted 
 with a Brazilian named Miguel Bartos, a 
 coffee planter. He had been visiting in 
 New York and I had met him at a club 
 there. He was about to return to Brazil on 
 a sailing vessel that he owned, and he 
 invited me to go as far as Savannah with 
 him. They were to touch at Savannah, I 
 remember, to get the mail and some small 
 supplies. I had a little time at my disposal, 
 so I accepted the invitation. 1 didn't know 
 until after we sailed that Senor Bartos 
 
 "I knew him well," said the lush. 
 
 "I didn't know that he had a- daughter," 
 continued Doc', ignoring the interruption. 
 "She was a perfect specimen of the Spanish 
 
16 DOC' HORNE 
 
 type of beauty olive complexion, dark hair 
 and the most wonderful eyes I ever saw. 
 Senor Bartos and the daughter, his business 
 partner, named Pramada, and I, were the 
 only passengers on board. The captain was 
 a Spaniard, the first mate an American who 
 had lived in the tropics for years, and the 
 crew was made up entirely of Brazilians. 
 Well, we had lovely weather, and, very 
 naturally, I was thrown into the society of 
 the senorita much of the time. I showed 
 her many attentions, but no more than I 
 thought were due from any American 
 gentleman under the circumstances. I 
 didn't realize until it was too late that she 
 was completely infatuated with me." 
 
 "How could she help herself?" asked the 
 lush. 
 
 "Now, sir!" said Doc', turning on the 
 lush, "will you allow me to continue?" 
 
 "Sure thing," replied the lush, with a 
 faltering salute. 
 
 "If I had remembered Spanish customs, 
 particularly as they are localized in Brazil, I 
 wouldn't have allowed myself to become 
 entangled. She was a young girl, and I 
 was considerably her senior and did not 
 realize the significance of what I did. One 
 
SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY 17 
 
 evening 1 , in the presence of her father, I 
 kissed her. You must remember that she 
 was quite young. I regarded her as a mere 
 child. Even at that I would not have pre- 
 sumed to take such a liberty had she not 
 suggested it in a bantering spirit. Her 
 father was present, and I saw no harm in it 
 so long as he did not object. You may be 
 able to appreciate my surprise and conster- 
 nation, gentlemen, when Senor Bartos called 
 rne into the cabin next day and informed 
 me in all seriousness that according to 
 Brazilian custom, when an unmarried man 
 kisses a woman of eligible age the act is 
 equivalent to a betrothal and may be 
 regarded as a marriage under the common 
 law. He said that his daughter loved me, 
 and that he was willing to give a handsome 
 dowry, but he would insist that I proceed to 
 Brazil with them and have an additional 
 ceremony performed in the cathedral. 
 When I showed my surprise and told him I 
 had no intention of marrying his daughter 
 he drew a dagger and would have stabbed 
 me if Senor Pramada had not restrained 
 him. I was told that I would be killed if I 
 failed to carry out the marriage contract. 
 Well, there I was. I pretended to consent, 
 
i8 DOC' HORNE 
 
 but I was determined to escape when the 
 vessel touched at Savannah. I knew every 
 man on board had been cautioned to watch 
 me and prevent my escape. I had to proceed 
 with secrecy, but I managed to get the first 
 mate on my side. He promised to help me. 
 "Well, when we anchored off Savannah 
 the captain and Senor Bartos went ashore 
 and got my mail, but I was given to under- 
 stand that I must not leave the vessel. One 
 of the letters that I received made it neces- 
 sary that I should be in Pittsburg in a few 
 days, and I was more than ever determined 
 to get away. Late that night the mate and 
 I slipped on deck and dropped one of the 
 boats into the water. Just as we jumped 
 into the boat Senor Barlos came on deck and 
 began to fire at us. We pulled away, and he 
 put a knife into his mouth and jumped over- 
 board to follow us. Of course we could have 
 escaped him, but I was afraid he would 
 drown, so we put back and I hauled him out 
 of the water. He was nearly exhausted, 
 but still full of deviltry, for he made a 
 vicious lunge at me with the knife, but I 
 grabbed his arm and took the weapon away 
 from him and then I gave him a good hard 
 talking to. I said: 'Senor Bartos, I claim 
 
SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY 19 
 
 to be a man of honor, and I would not 
 violate any promise, however lightly made, 
 but you cannot come up into this part of the 
 world and enforce your South American 
 customs. I respect your daughter as a 
 charming and innocent girl, but I do not 
 propose to marry her under compulsion. I 
 am going ashore here. You may go back to 
 the vessel. ' Well, the mate went ashore 
 with me. If they had ever got hold of him 
 they would have murdered him for helping 
 me to escape. I never heard anything more 
 of them after that. " 
 
 "It's a good thing that Brazilian law 
 doesn't hold in this country," said the 
 dentist. 
 
 "Our host is dead to the world," observed 
 the actor. They turned and saw that the 
 lush had dropped over on the pillows and 
 fallen asleep. 
 
 "Let him rest," said Doc'. "I expect 
 we had better go out. Just turn down the 
 gas. He'll sleep all right as he lies." 
 
 So they went out, leaving their host under 
 the peaceful influence. 
 
 As Doc' moved along the hallway 
 toward his room the lightning dentist fol- 
 lowed him. 
 
20 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 4 'Can I see 3-011 alone for a little while?" 
 he asked. 
 
 4 'Certainly, my dear sir," replied Doc', 
 with an acquiescent wave 
 of the hand. "Come right 
 into my room." 
 
 Doc' fumbled in the dark- 
 ness until he found a match, 
 and then he lighted the 
 gas. The dentist slowly 
 settled into a chair 
 and held his hat in 
 front of him. 
 
 "Doc', this this 
 mustn't go any 
 farther than you, ' ' he 
 said, with some em- 
 barrassment. 
 
 "I never betrayed a 
 life." 
 
 "It's something I wouldn't think of men- 
 tioning to any one else around the hotel." 
 
 "Whatever it may be, it will be safe in my 
 hands." 
 
 "I know that. I'll tell you what has 
 induced me to speak. A little while ago 
 you were speaking of matrimony and you 
 compared it to a plunge in the dark. You 
 
 THE LIGHTNING 
 DENTIST. 
 
 confidence in my 
 
SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY 21 
 
 said that a man never knew where he was 
 going to land." 
 
 "I qualified that statement." 
 
 "I know you did, but that and some more 
 things you said put me to thinking. This is 
 what I wanted to tell you, and you mustn't 
 whisper a word of it to any one else. I'd 
 like to get married. ' ' 
 
 Doc' looked at him with grave interest, 
 and rubbed his nose. 
 
 "I don't blame you," he said. "You heard 
 my views this evening. ' ' 
 
 "Yes, but some of the things you said 
 later on kind o' scared me. I'd hate to 
 make any mistake and get tied up to the 
 wrong girl. ' ' 
 
 "There is no reason why you should make 
 any mistake if you are properly advised. 
 You are a good-looking man, still young, 
 well-dressed, established in a profession, fair 
 prospects, I dare say, and " 
 
 "I've got more money put away than any- 
 body in this hotel knows anything about," 
 said the dentist, his voice trembling with 
 gratification at Doc's studied eulogy. "I 
 sold the lots the other day that I've been 
 holding. I cleared up a thousand. Next 
 year I expect to have an interest in the 
 
22 DOC HORNE 
 
 Neapolitan Dental Parlors, where I'm work- 
 ing now. It's a sure money-maker. Doc', 
 we've got ten men at work now, and I have 
 enough extracting alone to keep me busy 
 most of the time. We're doubling our 
 advertising contracts, and I feel so sure of 
 staying there and making a good thing out 
 of it that I want to settle down and have a 
 nice little home of my own. A man can't 
 stand this hotel life forever." 
 
 "True, true. I don't want to be inquis- 
 itive, but is there any one in particular 
 that " 
 
 "No, because I've simply lived between 
 office and hotel. But I'm going to look 
 around. I'm going to find a nice girl and 
 I tell you what I want you to do for me, 
 Doc'. Before I make any definite move or 
 commit myself understand? I want you to 
 meet the girl and give me your candid opin- 
 ion. I don't want to make any mistake. I 
 heard you say that you could pick out the 
 right kind of a wife for any one of your 
 friends, and I want you to promise that 
 you'll well, not exactly pick out one for 
 me, but help me to select one. I don't 
 know whether you just understand or 
 not. " 
 
SYMPTOM OF MATRIMONY 23 
 
 "I think I do. I am at your service at any 
 time. ' ' 
 
 So this compact was made : that after the 
 dentist had " looked around" and selected a 
 young woman, Doc' should inspect her 
 and give an expert opinion based on his vast 
 experience with the sex. 
 
THE ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL. 
 
 2.1 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 THE ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL 
 
 Chicago is a city made up of country 
 people. It is a metropolis having a few 
 saving virtues of a village. It is spread 
 over so many square miles of prairie and has 
 so many farms alternating with scanty 
 suburbs that no one has been able to draw 
 the line between urban and suburban, or the 
 line between suburban and rural. When 
 one is in State Street he finds proof that 
 Chicago is urban, suburban and rural. 
 
 In 1880 the population was 500,000 and a 
 few over. In 1900 it is to be 2,000,000, 
 census or no census. Ask any real estate 
 man. Was not a club organized in 1896 to 
 concede the 2,000,000 mark? 
 
 Whence came the 1,500,000 increase? 
 From Germany, Italy, Sweden, Norway, 
 Ireland, Poland, Russia, China, Austria, 
 Greece, and any other country you choose 
 to name. Also from all those towns set in 
 close columns in the United States Postal 
 Guide. 
 
 25 
 
26 DOC' HORNE 
 
 Not long ago, before the Spanish-Ameri- 
 can war was fought and while women still 
 wore puff sleeves, there stood in a street 
 toward the smoky center of town a hotel, 
 not of the first class. The building was thin, 
 and might have appeared tall but for the fact 
 that it was overtopped by two mountainous 
 structures, shutting out the eastern sky. The 
 street front was mostly buffet, but there was 
 a hallway leading back to a dim apartment, 
 called the office, and here there were chairs 
 and a counter, and behind the counter a box 
 of pigeon-holes- for keys and letters. From 
 the office a stairway and an elevator shaft 
 led to the upper region of narrow hallways 
 and cramped bedchambers. 
 
 It was the Alfalfa European Hotel. 
 Alfalfa, because the name had a pleasing 
 sound; European, because no meals were 
 served in the house. 
 
 Of the men who lived at the Alfalfa Hotel, 
 either as transient guests or on arrangement 
 for a weekly rate, the one worth knowing 
 was Calvin Home, called Doc' Home by 
 his familiars. His age cannot be given. 
 He never told it. He was bald on the top of 
 his head. His face had the fullness of 
 youth, hut it was wrinkled. The chin beard 
 
ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL 27 
 
 was white. When it is said, further, that he 
 wore clothes such as might be worn by any 
 old gentleman who had ceased to be fastidi- 
 ous on the point of personal adornment, the 
 reader knows as much as any one would 
 know in taking a first glance at Doc' 
 Home as he sat in the office of the Alfalfa 
 European Hotel with his satellites grouped 
 about him. His daily employment at the 
 time of the beginning of this story called 
 him to the Federal offices, where he checked 
 pension lists or classified vouchers or per- 
 formed some other kind of labor quite 
 unsuited to him. Doc' overshadowed his 
 occupation, and it is doubtful if there will be 
 another reference to it anywhere in this 
 book. 
 
 In the succeeding pages, when it is related 
 that Doc' and his companions moved in 
 and about the hotel, it is not to be concluded 
 that they had the hotel to themselves. 
 Many strangers came to the desk and 
 claimed their keys and rode upward in the 
 tremulous elevator. Men whose names do 
 not appear and whose comments will be 
 suppressed stood at a respectful distance and 
 heard what Doc' had to say of love and life. 
 Mr. Ike Francis, proprietor, is somewhere in 
 
28 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 the office, smoking a pipe, and other persons 
 are in the background, reading newspapers. 
 These are mere details of the setting and 
 will not be pointed out again. 
 
 To recur to the 
 original proposition, 
 that Chicago is a city 
 made up of country 
 people : one evening 
 Doc' sat in the office 
 and told a chapter to 
 an actor from a farm 
 in Ohio, a drinking 
 man from a village in 
 New York, a light- 
 ning dentist from an 
 THE ALFALFA QUINTETTE, interior county of In- 
 diana, and a race-track man from the blue- 
 grass part of Kentucky. 
 
 They were talking of women, and the 
 topic lasted well at the Alfalfa Hotel, as 
 elsewhere. The actor had said that once 
 upon a time he went up a ladder and into a 
 burning house to save a young woman. 
 That reminded Doc' Home of Crosby- 
 ville. 
 
 "Let's see I spent two or three years in 
 Crosby ville, off and on," he began, "and 
 
ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL 29 
 
 this must have happened in the fall of '51 
 or the spring of '52. I remember that I left 
 Crosbyville just about the time of the presi- 
 dential campaign, and that was well, it 
 must have been about June, '52. No 
 matter; the date doesn't make any differ- 
 ence. 
 
 ''In order that you may understand this 
 story better, I'll have to go back a little. 
 The first time I ever visited in Crosbyville 
 I was invited out to a shooting-match. We 
 didn't shoot at glass balls or live pigeons in 
 those days. We usually put a white square 
 of paper up against a tree and blazed away 
 at it with rifles, and, although our firearms 
 were of defective bore, I can assure you that 
 some of the best shooting I ever saw was at 
 these old-time matches out in the woods. 
 However, that has nothing to do with the 
 story. 
 
 "One of my friends invited me to go to 
 the shooting-match, and after I got out there 
 I was asked to enter the contest. Well, I 
 went in and I happened to get a rifle that 
 sighted just right for me, and I won. A 
 man who had been introduced to me as Capt. 
 Jaynes made the next highest score. It 
 seemed to me that the other contestants took 
 
30 DOC' HORNE 
 
 their defeat good-naturedly, but on the way 
 home my friend told me to look out for this 
 Capt. Jaynes. He was a hot-headed Ken- 
 .tuckian, and it seems that this was the first 
 time he had been defeated in years, and it 
 worried him a good deal. My friend told 
 me that he had taken a dislike to me and 
 would probably try to pick a quarrel at the 
 first opportunity. 
 
 "Well, that same afternoon I invited all 
 the men who had been at the shooting-match 
 to come over to the tavern. It was custom- 
 ary for the winner of the match to stand 
 treat to the others. Capt. Jaynes came in 
 rather late, while we were all sitting round 
 and talking. I arose and asked him to join 
 the party. He bowed very coldly and said 
 that he was not in the habit of drinking with 
 strangers. Now, I was rather touchy in my 
 younger days. I said: 'Very well, captain; 
 -I withdraw the invitation. I made the mis- 
 take of supposing that you would feel at 
 home in a company of gentlemen. ' I knew 
 what to expect when I said that. He 
 started to draw a knife, but before he could 
 lift it I had hold of him. They pulled us 
 apart and tried to quiet him, but he went 
 away raving mad. They all said he would 
 
ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL 31 
 
 kill me the first time we met, but he must 
 have cooled down when he had time to think 
 it over. I saw him often after that passed 
 him on the street. He never made a move, 
 but I knew that he hated me and would be 
 glad of a chance to do me an injury. 
 
 "The captain's house was right on the 
 bank of the Green River, and stood near his 
 mill. It was an old-fashioned two-story 
 house, very broad and well built, and thickly 
 surrounded by trees. It was considered the 
 best house in Crosby ville. The captain was 
 the wealthiest and one of the most prominent 
 citizens of the town. He was a widower 
 and had two children a son of fourteen or 
 so, and a daughter named Elizabeth. She 
 was a very beautiful girl very charming. 
 I had met her several times, but, of course, 
 I had never become well acquainted with 
 her on account of my standing feud with her 
 father. 
 
 "Well, to make a long story short, the 
 whole town was aroused by an alarm of fire 
 one night, and when we turned out the 
 Jaynes' mill was one mass of flames. It was 
 an old-style structure, with a framework of 
 heavy logs, and it made a fearful blaze. 
 The wind was blowing the flames toward the 
 
32 DOC' HORNE 
 
 house. Every one saw that it was no iise to 
 try and save the mill, so we turned in to 
 defend the house got up on the roof and 
 passed buckets and put out wet blankets to 
 catch the sparks, but all in vain, gentlemen, 
 all in vain. The men were driven off the 
 roof, and the water dried as fast as it was 
 thrown on. All at once one whole side of 
 the house seemed to spring into a flame. 
 There was a general shout, and everybody 
 retreated to a safe distance. The members 
 of the family and the neighbors had been 
 removing the household goods. Just as the 
 house caught fire, and all the men were get- 
 ting out of it as fast as they could, I heard 
 Elizabeth Jaynes cry out: 'The canary! 1 
 Then she ran back into the house, with 
 every one calling to her to stop. I didn't 
 hesitate a moment, I assure you. She went 
 through that terrific heat and dense smoke 
 right up the stairway, and I followed. I 
 caught her by the arm at the top of the stairs 
 and told her to come back. She was hyster- 
 ical and excited said she wouldn't leave 
 until she got the bird. In spite of all I 
 could do she pulled away from me and ran 
 to the front room her bedroom, I believe 
 and felt her way to where the bird-cage was 
 
ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL 33 
 
 hanging. Gentlemen, it was never any 
 hotter in any bake-oven than it was in that 
 room. As soon as she got the bird-cage I 
 dragged her back through the hall. The 
 smoke was not so thick now because the fire 
 had got a free draught through the house 
 and was making a fearful roar and spreading 
 rapidly. When we reached the stairway the 
 whole lower end of it was ablaze. I dragged 
 the girl away to the front window, but by 
 that time the whole veranda was on fire. 
 The crowd outside saw us, and shouted 
 something I couldn't tell what. I saw 
 there was no escape over that burning 
 veranda. When the people shouted, the girl 
 fainted dead away. I threw her across my 
 shoulder and started for the rear of the 
 house, because I knew that was my only 
 salvation. The whole stairway was ablaze 
 by that time, and flames were creeping up 
 through the floor. I closed my lips tightly 
 and in about four leaps I reached a back 
 window. Outside there was a big tree, 
 almost brushing the window. I kicked out 
 the window sash and simply jumped into the 
 tree. It was the only thing to be done. 
 Luckily, I got my arm over a limb, which 
 sagged with us and dropped us to the 
 
34 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 ground. I scrambled to my feet and ran, 
 with the girl still hanging absolutely limp 
 and helpless over my shoulder. I went 
 straight for the river with the intention of 
 jumping in. The heat was something 
 awful. It had driven away the men who 
 had been filling their buckets at the river. 
 
 "Just as I stag- 
 gered down the river 
 bank I saw a skiff. 
 Some one had proba- 
 bly rowed across the 
 river to the fire, for 
 the boat was not fast- 
 ened. I dropped the 
 girl into the boat and 
 gave it a strong push 
 out into the current, 
 and in a few seconds 
 we were floating 
 down stream and 
 were safe." 
 'She had the canary, I suppose?" said the 
 lightning dentist. 
 
 "Oh, yes. She was in a dead faint, but 
 she hadn't let go of the cage. As soon as I 
 recovered my breath and wet my clothes in 
 two or three places where they were on fire, 
 
 =L ' / 
 
 TELLING ABOUT IT. 
 
ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL 35 
 
 I splashed water in the girl's face and she 
 recovered consciousness, but was still hys- 
 terical and did not seem to realize fully 
 what had happened. 
 
 "We could look up the river and see the 
 burning house. It made a huge blaze and 
 threw a bright glare across the river. I 
 remember the peculiar effect of this glare on 
 the windows of the houses across the river. 
 It caused them to glow as if the houses were 
 filled with live flames. The girl was so 
 frightened that she thought all the houses 
 were afire. 
 
 "When I got ready to row back I discov- 
 ered that I hadn't any oars. The current 
 was swift and we were drifting rapidly, so I 
 pulled out a seat-board and used it as a 
 rudder, and in a few minutes I made a land- 
 ing near a house occupied by a Mr. Wesley. 
 Miss Jaynes was so weak and nervous that 
 she could hardly walk, but I assisted her to 
 this house and aroused the family. 
 
 "The woman of the house was very kind. 
 She cared for the young lady for about two 
 hours and had one of the boys drive us back 
 to Crosbyville. Now, in the general excite- 
 ment we had forgotten that the people in 
 Crosbyville had every reason to believe that 
 
36 DOC' HORNE 
 
 we had perished in the flames. You couldn't 
 blame them for thinking so. The window 
 from which I had leaped was well hidden by 
 trees, and there was no one at the river 
 bank when we leaped into the boat. We 
 learned afterward that the men had pulled 
 down the burning veranda and had planted 
 a ladder at the front window where we had 
 been seen, but the blaze was so fierce thai 
 they had been driven back. 
 
 "As I say, every one supposed that we 
 were lost; so you can imagine what hap- 
 pened when we drove up in front of the 
 ruins about seven o'clock in the morning. 
 They were already searching for our bodies. 
 Yes, sir; they thought we were ghosts. As 
 soon as I explained to them how we got 
 away you never heard such cheering in your 
 life. They lifted Miss Jaynes out of the 
 wagon and took her over to a neighboring 
 house, to which the captain had been taken. 
 The man was almost wild with grief. Those 
 who went over to the house say it was one of 
 the most affecting meetings that could be 
 imagined. First he wept like a baby and 
 then he jumped up and laughed like a boy 
 and said he didn't care for the loss of his 
 buildings so long as his daughter was safe. 
 
ALFALFA EUROPEAN HOTEL 37 
 
 I suppose his daughter must have given him 
 a very favorable account of my efforts in her 
 behalf, for presently he came out of the 
 house and walked up to where I was stand- 
 ing and said: 'Mr. Home, you have done me 
 the greatest service that one man can do 
 another. All that I have is at your com- 
 mand now and forever. I once did you an 
 injustice. You have repaid me. Will you 
 take the hand of a man who honestly admits 
 himself beaten and humiliated?' 1 said to 
 him: 'Captain, you are a brave and gallant 
 man, but you were mistaken for once. Let 
 us say no more about the misunderstandings 
 of the past.' We shook hands, and from that 
 day forward we were friends. He was a 
 man of passions and prejudices, but if he 
 came to know you and like you he was the 
 truest friend a man ever had." 
 
 "There's only one thing needed- to make 
 that a good story," suggested the dentist. 
 44 You ought to say that you married the cap- 
 tain's daughter." 
 
 "I am not going to sacrifice truth in order 
 to make a fancy romance," replied Doc'. 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 THE GALLANTRY OF THE HORNES 
 
 Taking your first glance at the Alfalfa 
 colony you would not have supposed that 
 these men, taken collectively or individu- 
 ally, could have lured a resisting woman 
 from the other side of the street. The 
 men were not youthful, and only one of 
 them strove to be a thing of beauty. 
 
 The lightning dentist sought color effects. 
 When he came to the street doorway in 
 light checked trousers, saffron-colored vest 
 and blue coat, his knotted four-in-hand 
 cravat darting into the crack of his shirt- 
 bosom at a point some two inches below the 
 collar, and his hands clammy from perfumed 
 toilet soap, he seemed to feel that he was 
 doing more than his share to make this 
 world a pleasant place of abode. 
 
 The actor had a sort of reminiscent splen- 
 dor which commanded respect, if not admi- 
 ration. His attire and his bearing suggested 
 the pathos of a summer pavilion with snow 
 on the roof. His garments fitted him, but 
 38 
 
GALLANTRY OF THE HORNES 39 
 
 here and there a pin had to serve for a but- 
 ton, and sometimes the cuffs were frayed 
 and cracked. The actor seemed to have the 
 hopeful impression that he could atone for 
 other shortcomings in his appearance by 
 putting an extra polish on his shoes and 
 allowing part of a slightly soiled handker- 
 chief to protrude from his upper coat 
 pocket. 
 
 The drinking man, often 
 mentioned as the lush, wore 
 the plain garb of a man who 
 selects the material and 
 gives no directions as to the 
 cut. The race-track 
 
 man favored the 
 styles of his boy- 
 hood days. His 
 shoes were rather 
 box - toed, and his ' 
 cravat was a black 
 string pulled into 
 a bow. 
 
 Were these men, lolling in the shiny arm- 
 chairs, born to smile at women and lead 
 them captive? Doubt it if you will, but it 
 is a fact that each of them (Doc', the 
 lush, the dentist, the actor and the race- 
 
 THE PROPRIETOR. 
 
40 DOC' HORNE 
 
 track man) had been a principal in a love 
 affair. Each had confessed. 
 
 Women of quality, every one of them. 
 No names were given, but "she" invariabty 
 "belonged to one of the best families in 
 town," and she came out of the story blame- 
 less, for her protector sat near. Doc' 
 Home permitted no man to speak in dispar- 
 agement of the absent sex. 
 
 His nodding plume you could not see. 
 The weak gaslight struck no glitter from his 
 breastplate. The extended hand grasped 
 no lance, of the kind that might get in the 
 way and trip up the race-track man or the 
 actor. Yet the plume and the cuirass and 
 the lance were there. Chivalry lived again. 
 
 Time and again Doc' routed the dull 
 cynicism which usually nourishes in a hotel 
 lobby. One evening the actor, believing 
 that he had discerned a great truth, 
 observed that an outsider ought never to 
 interfere in a quarrel between husband and 
 wife. 
 
 "That's right," said the dentist. "You 
 know the old story of the fellow who tried to 
 stop a man from beating his wife. When he 
 tried to part them, both turned in and gave 
 him a terrible licking. ' ' 
 
GALLANTRY OF THE HORNES 41 
 
 "Gentlemen, I'm sorry that I cannot fully 
 agree with you," said Doc' Home, after a 
 satisfying pull at his cigar. "I admit that 
 it is seldom advisable to take any part in 
 family quarrels, but when a woman is in 
 danger of bodily harm it is the duty of any 
 gentleman to protect her, even at the risk of 
 his life. It may be that I regard these 
 things differently, but I was educated in the 
 old school, and my father always impressed 
 upon me the fact that gallantry was an 
 instinct among the Homes. The other day 
 I offered my seat to a young lady. She 
 seemed rather surprised, and said, 'Really, 
 sir, I don't like to take the seat; you are an 
 old man!' I said to her, 'My dear madam, 
 I am always young in the presence of the 
 fair sex. ' ' 
 
 "You want to be careful, Doc'," sug- 
 gested the dentist. 
 
 "And then you got off at the next cor- 
 ner?" asked the lush. 
 
 "No, sir, I did not. I want to tell you 
 younger men another thing. There is too 
 much false gallantry these days. Any one 
 of you would jump up to give your seat to a 
 stylish and beautiful young lady, but you'd 
 let a poor, tired washerwoman ride from 
 
42 DOC HORNE 
 
 here to Englewood hanging on to one of 
 those straps. My father always taught me 
 to respect the sex without regard to social 
 conditions. Why, the worst fight I ever had 
 in my life was on account of a lumberman's 
 wife. It was a year or so before the war, 
 when some of the first big lumber camps 
 were being established in northern Mich- 
 igan. I went up to a little town called 
 Pagowic to look over the country and visit a 
 friend of mine, Col. Clayton Walters, who 
 had charge of a big timber district for some 
 New York capitalists. He had built a 
 pleasant cabin on the main street of the vil- 
 lage, or the camp, rather, and I put up with 
 him. Right across the street from our place 
 was a little cabin occupied by a French- 
 Canadian lumberman known as 'Big Antone. ' 
 He was considerably over six feet tall, raw- 
 boned and 'rangy,' as they say, and I 
 learned the first day I landed there that he 
 was the bully of the camp. He could cut 
 down more timber than any other man on 
 the job, and there were all kinds of stories 
 as to his great strength. -He had a wife, a 
 young and rather pretty woman, and as he 
 was full of bad whisky most of the time he 
 led her a dog's life. I used to hear him 
 
GALLANTRY OF THE HORNES 
 
 43 
 
 abusing her and scolding her, and it made 
 me indignant. I said to Col. Walters one day : 
 'Colonel, why don't you compel Antone to 
 stop abusing his wife?' He said to me: 'Home, 
 there isn't a man in the camp dares to cross 
 that fellow. He's too dangerous.' 'Well,' I 
 says, 'if he goes too far, /'// cross him.' 
 
 "As luck would have it, the very next 
 morning I heard a scream across the way, 
 and when I went to the door I saw An tone's 
 wife run out of the house. He followed her 
 and struck her across the head with the flat 
 of his hand. Well, sir, all the Home blood 
 that was in me boiled at the sight. I 
 jumped up and said: 'That settles it!' The 
 colonel knew what I meant, and he knew he 
 couldn't stop me, but he followed after and 
 told me to take a pistol. I told him I didn't 
 need any. As I walked across the street I 
 pulled out my handkerchief and wrapped it 
 as tightly as I could around my right hand, 
 so as to protect the knuckles. I knew that 
 big Antone was probably the best rough- 
 and-tumble fighter in Michigan, but I was 
 confident that I had a few tricks that he had 
 never heard of. 
 
 "I went right up to the door and called 
 to him. He came out and his wife fol- 
 
44 DOC HORNE 
 
 lowed. I said: 'Antone, you must stop 
 striking this woman. If you don't, I'll give 
 you the best licking you ever had in your 
 life.' Well, sir, for a minute he was so sur- 
 prised that he couldn't speak, 'and then 
 he began to curse me in all the choice 
 French-Canadian phrases at his command. 
 Then he up and slapped me. It was only a 
 slap, but it nearly took my head off. He led 
 at me again, but I dodged and backed away. 
 I knew I didn't dare to clinch with him. He 
 seemed to think I was afraid of him and 
 began to laugh. He dropped his hands and 
 I walked toward him as if to speak to him 
 again. When I got within reach I swung 
 with all my might and caught him right on 
 the point of the jaw. I knew about the 
 knock-out blow long before it was commonly 
 used by pugilists, and I had figured that my 
 chance to whip him was to get him off his 
 guard and then catch him on the jaw. 
 
 "He staggered backward, and before he 
 could recover himself I hit him again, and 
 he tumbled back and lay as quiet as a mouse. 
 His wife screamed and ran over to pick him 
 up, and about the same time the colonel 
 arrived with a pistol in his hand. He 
 expected to find me pounded to a pulp. 
 
GALLANTRY OF THE HORNES 45 
 
 "In a few moments 'Big Antone' sat up 
 and looked around him, just like a man 
 awakening from a sleep. I went up to him 
 
 AN EVENING SESSION. 
 
 and said: 'You remember what I told you. 
 Don't strike this woman again.' Then I 
 went away with the colonel. 'Big Antone' 
 
46 DOC' HORNE 
 
 was so humiliated at being whipped by a 
 man of my size that he left camp that same 
 day and went tip the river to work. But the 
 colonel told me afterward that it was the 
 best thing 1 that ever happened to him. He 
 didn't go around looking for rights after 
 that, and he was never known to strike his 
 wife again. Of course that was an excep- 
 tional case, and if I hadn't known the trick of 
 the knock-out blow it might have been 
 serious for me. But, serious or not, I 
 believe I would have interfered after I saw 
 him strike the woman. It isn't in the 
 nature of a Home to sit by and see such 
 things done." 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 THE DENTIST SEES ONE 
 
 The lightning dentist had extracted 
 twenty-three teeth that morning. Number 
 twenty-four had not appeared. He leaned 
 against the chair and thought of the woman 
 he was to marry. It seemed that he could 
 see her. She was neither blonde nor 
 brunette, not tall nor short, vague and 
 without specifications, but she was very 
 beautiful. 
 
 The dentist glanced at the clock on the 
 mantel. The time was 12:22. "I will hurry 
 out and get some lunch," he said. 
 
 With that he pulled off his white jacket 
 and hung it on a hook in the closet, jumped 
 into his street coat and bolted through the 
 doorway, shouting: 
 
 "Down! Hey, there! Going down!" 
 
 The swift elevator-car came to a bumping 
 pause in its downward flight. He dived 
 through the open door and sprawled on 
 other men whose faces seemed pale in the 
 dim light of the shaft. A pull at the lever, 
 47 
 
48 DOC HORNE 
 
 a confusing glimpse of parallel floors and 
 rows of glazed windows, all flying upward, 
 and the car was on the ground floor. 
 
 The dentist did not see the squirming 
 multitude in the street nor hear the clangor 
 of the car bells. He was trying to decide 
 whether or not a piano would be a necessity 
 at the beginning. 
 
 As he entered the place wherein food is 
 for sale on quick delivery, he did not observe 
 that he was riding in a jam of people and 
 propelling himself by means of his elbows. 
 
 The place was crowded. It was a bril- 
 liantly lighted tunnel. 
 
 Long counters extended from front to 
 rear. On one side of each counter was a 
 row of stools, with a man on every stool. 
 The men were so close one to another that 
 their arms threatened to interlock as they 
 beckoned and gesticulated or swung them- 
 selves in desperate feeding. Behind these 
 men stood other men, restless, watchful, 
 waiting their chance to pounce upon stools 
 as soon as any wild men at the counter 
 wrenched themselves out of the struggling 
 line. 
 
 A babel of voices was constantly mingled 
 with the shuffling of feet, the crash of 
 
THE DENTIST SEES ONE 49 
 
 colliding- dishes, and the loud jingle of 
 cutlery. 
 
 If a Niagara of cups and saucers and 
 knives and forks had been falling into a stone 
 quarry the noise would have been the same. 
 
 Behind each long counter were waiters 
 in white. They hopped and cavorted, 
 lunged back and forth, uttered strange 
 cries into the air, and propelled dishes and 
 feeding implements along the smooth counter 
 after the manner of shuffleboard players. 
 
 The dentist pushed down the line. 
 
 He saw a man wearily lift himself away 
 from a crescent of pie -crust. 
 
 Aha! He had captured the stool away from 
 two other men. They moved on, looking at 
 the food in front of each feeder, to see if he 
 would soon arise. 
 
 "Where's my tea?" demanded the man at 
 the immediate right of the dentist. 
 
 "Cream toast!" shrieked the colored man, 
 who was in an ecstasy of employment. 
 
 "Tea! tea!"' 
 
 "Yes, seh." 
 
 "Ham sandwich and " began the 
 
 dentist. 
 
 "Take away yo' sliced tomatoes!" shouted 
 some one in his ear. 
 
DOC' HORNE 
 
 "Sliced tomatoes," echoed a voice farther 
 away. 
 
 "Cup o' tea!" bawled the man at the right. 
 "Huckleberry pie!" exclaimed some one 
 at the left. 
 
 "Ham sandwich and " 
 
 Crash! A knife and fork 
 fell in front of the dentist. 
 
 A glass of water 
 floating a large piece 
 of ice reeled sloppily 
 J on the spattered 
 counter and stopped 
 in front of him. 
 "Ham sandwich 
 
 and " 
 
 "How 'bout co'n 
 cakes?" bellowed 
 the colored man, 
 standing on tiptoe 
 and threatening 
 some one with a 
 fork. 
 
 "Take 'em away!" 
 "Hurry up that 
 tea!" 
 
 ' 'Nuther piece o' butter!" 
 ; What kind o' pie?" 
 
 HE ADMIRED ALL BLONDES. 
 
THE DENTIST SEES ONE 51 
 
 "Where's my check?" 
 "Ham sandwich and " 
 
 Crash boom bang thump explosion 
 stampede panic ! 
 
 "Ham sandwich!" screeched the waiter, 
 bobbing up from nowhere and dropping a 
 plate near the dentist. 
 
 " 'N' a cup o' coffee." 
 
 "How about that tea?" 
 
 "Is that pie comin'?" 
 
 "Yes, seh." One answer for all three. 
 
 The waiter dove under the counter. He 
 ran and counter-ran. 
 
 He juggled spoons and saucers. He 
 chuckled with delight when another waiter, 
 sprinting along the narrow passageway, 
 bumped into him. 
 
 He had two cups in the left hand and one 
 cup in the right hand as he danced around a 
 cluster of nickel-plated boilers and pulled at 
 sundry faucets. 
 
 The delirium grew on him. He passed 
 out pasteboard checks with one hand and cut 
 a pie with the other. 
 
 The dentist shared in the exultation. He 
 clutched the ham sandwich and tore away 
 the greater part of it at the first bite. 
 
 His neighbor ordered a second piece of 
 
52 DOC' HORNE 
 
 huckleberry pie. The other neighbor gulped 
 the tea and, in a choking voice, called for 
 his check. 
 
 As the tea neighbor slid away another 
 man bolted in and collided with the dentist, 
 who came very near spilling his coffee. 
 
 "Pork 'n' beans, glassmilk, " said the new- 
 comer, rapping on the counter. 
 
 The dentist shuddered slightly and then 
 returned to his coffee. 
 
 "In a hurry, too," said the new-comer. 
 
 "What kind of sweet cakes " 
 
 "Is that blackberry pie under there?" 
 
 "Where's the mustard?" 
 
 "I want another " 
 
 "Hurry up with that " 
 
 "It's a kind of a cream cake with jelly 
 on " 
 
 "Take away your wheats!" (Loudly.} 
 
 " I Ve got you ! ' ' (More loudly. ) 
 
 "Glass o' water." 
 
 "Rolls and milk." 
 
 "Can you give me " 
 
 Biff bang platters spoons glasses 
 sugar-bowls salt-cellars ! 
 
 The dentist heard nothing. He was 
 furnishing the front room. 
 
 He joined the long, jostling line that 
 
THE DENTIST SEES ONE 53 
 
 moved in irregular order past the cashier's 
 desk. As he handed out the buttery bit of 
 pasteboard and laid a silver dollar on top of 
 it, he became aware that there was a new 
 cashier behind the marble. She made 
 change hesitatingly but such a vision! 
 The uplift of golden hair, the chaste pallor 
 of her complexion, the whiteness of her 
 teeth, the clinging fit of the cloth gown all 
 these he saw without enumerating them. 
 
 She was a blonde. He admired all 
 blondes. 
 
 It occurred to him that she would do. All 
 that afternoon he extracted teeth, but his 
 heart was not in the work. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 A PEST APPEARS AT THE ALFALFA 
 
 The dentist burned to tell Doc' of his 
 discovery. As for the campaign of con- 
 quest, it unfolded itself as an easy pathway 
 before him. He would be introduced by 
 the manager of the lunch-room; he would 
 talk to her three times before asking per- 
 mission to call; he would call twice before 
 suggesting the theater; his watchword 
 must be "Gentility." 
 
 Doc' was not at the usual restaurant, 
 but the dentist found him later on. He 
 and the race-track man were in the office of 
 the hotel. The race-track man was finding 
 fault with the manner in which Mr. Ike 
 Francis managed the Alfalfa. The dentist 
 sat with them and waited for an opportunity 
 to take Doc' away. 
 
 "I never had anything to do with a hotel 
 in my life," said the race-track man, "but 
 I could take hold of this place and improve 
 it; I can promise you that." 
 54 
 
A PEST APPEARS 55 
 
 "No doubt you could," said Doc'. "At 
 the same time I am inclined to take a 
 charitable view of the situation here. Mr. 
 Francis has a great deal to contend with. I 
 can sympathize with him because I kept a 
 hotel for two weeks once not from choice, 
 but from necessity. That was enough for 
 me, gentlemen. I am afraid that I am too 
 independent and proud-spirited to succeed as 
 a host. If I don't like a man I can't attempt 
 to be friendly with him even to further my 
 financial interests." 
 
 "Where did you keep a hotel, Doc'?" asked 
 the dentist. 
 
 "Didn't I ever tell you about it? It was 
 when I was in Leadville during the first 
 boom. Three of us had pooled our interests 
 and were buying mines. A man named 
 Jackson had a mine that we were anxious to 
 get. We made him an offer, and he said 
 he'd sell if we'd buy his hotel too. He 
 wanted to raise all the money he could to 
 start a concert hall. We didn't want the 
 hotel, but we knew we could sell it again, 
 because it was making money, so we closed 
 the deal. At the request of my partners I 
 took charge of the hotel and ran it until we 
 could find a customer. I had no difficulty in 
 
56 DOC HORNE 
 
 handling the work, but I didn't like it. I 
 didn't like to be annoyed by petty details. 
 If I am going to manage anything I want to 
 have subordinates who will take the details 
 off my hands. However, I reorganized the 
 working force and in two weeks' time I made 
 that the best hotel in Leadville. We had 
 mostly miners and prospectors at the hotel, 
 and although they were good fellows and 
 didn't mean any harm, they were too 
 boisterous at times. They used to fire their 
 revolvers just to frighten the women who 
 worked in the dining-room. Why, one night 
 there must have been twenty shooting at the 
 same time. I requested them to stop it, but 
 they didn't seem to pay any attention, so 
 one evening, just as they all tramped in to 
 supper, I followed them in and sat at the 
 head of the long table, next to the door. I 
 pulled my forty-two out of the belt and laid 
 it on the table. Then I said: 4 Boys, I don't 
 believe we'd better have any more shooting 
 in the dining-room. It annoys the women 
 and makes too much smoke. Let's do our 
 shooting on the outside.' That's all I said, 
 but I guess they knew what it meant. 
 There wasn't any more shooting in the 
 dining-room." 
 
A PEST APPEARS 57 
 
 "So you made good with the gun-play, did 
 you?" 
 
 The three were startled and turned to look 
 at the speaker. They saw a freckled young 
 man with large ears, nose somewhat awry, 
 hat set carelessly on a crop of rusty hair. 
 His garments were a tight fit, and bore a 
 uniform pattern of up-and-down stripes. 
 This freckled person laid his hand on 
 Doc's shoulder (which no member of the 
 chosen colony had ever dared to do), and 
 said: "I'll bet you've been a purty good 
 scrapper in your time." 
 
 Doc' looked up at him, literally speak- 
 ing, and down at him, figuratively speaking, 
 and in that godlike frown of rebuke the 
 freckled boy discerned a friendly invitation 
 to go ahead and say something more. 
 
 "I've been mixed up once or twice 
 myself," he said. 
 
 Without further introduction the freckled 
 boy reached for a chair, seated himself and 
 began a tale of dolor. 
 
 "Do you know Danny Oswald St. Louis 
 boy?" 
 
 The three shook their heads solemnly. 
 
 "Well, he's all right. Say, you meet that 
 boy and anything he's got is your'n, under- 
 
DOC HORNE 
 
 stand? Many's the time I've went to him 
 'Well, Danny, how about it, are you strong 
 to-day?' 'How much?' 
 that's all, understand? 
 'How much?' Good up to 
 the limit. He knowed, too, 
 that any time I had 
 anything in my cloze he 
 could come and get it. 
 That's me, you know. 
 If a friend's right, he 
 can have anything. 
 That's me." 
 
 He tapped Doc' 
 Home on the knee and 
 squinted at him. 
 
 " That ' s proper," 
 THE BOY. S aid Doc ', because he 
 
 couldn't think of anything else to say. 
 
 "Well, I was out with Dan one night, an' 
 that was right in this town, too State 
 Street. We went into a place and we'd had 
 two glasses of beer mebbe it was three. I 
 know I bought and then Danny come back 
 at me, and it seems to me I had 'em piled 
 up again mebbe not. ' ' 
 
 The dentist fidgeted in his chair and 
 looked at the clock. 
 
A PEST APPEARS 59 
 
 "Anyway, after we'd had 'em, I noticed a 
 guy standin' at the bar kind o' well, s'pose 
 the bar .run from me over to the steam 
 heater, I'd be standin' where that chair is 
 and this fellow where you're settin' there" 
 (indicating the dentist). "Let's see yes, 
 that was about the way of it. He was a 
 husky guy, too broad shoulders, big mits, 
 understand? big fellow." 
 
 Doc' Home blinked at the freckled boy 
 and rubbed his nose with violence. 
 
 "Well, this fellow was standin' here and 
 me over there, when I hear him say: 'I 
 wonder where his cheap nobs got the hat' 
 meanin' me. I had on a new white Fedora 
 hat, cost me three-fifty elegant hat. When 
 I hear him say this, without turnin' around, 
 mind you, I says loud enough for him to 
 hear: 'Don't let the hat worry you, just keep 
 your face closed.' I was lookin' in the 
 mirror behind the bar, understand? an' I 
 see him start along the bar toward me un- 
 derstand, don't you? I see it in the mirror." 
 
 "Certainly we understand," said Doc'. 
 
 "He come at me," continued the freckled 
 boy, rising, "just as if I'd come right up 
 here at you" (indicating Doc'). "He's 
 comin', see? and I'm lookin' at him in the 
 
60 DOC HORNE 
 
 mirror. I didn't turn around at all till he 
 was in reach, and then I turned like that 
 and if I didn't hand him a jolt that he'll 
 remember ! Mamma ! " 
 
 "Hit him, eh?" asked Doc', affecting a 
 mild interest. 
 
 "Hit him? Say here! Le* me show 
 you now. He was comin* along the bar, 
 see? and was just behind me when I swung 
 around. It wasn't a punch exactly; it was 
 more of a hook I kind o' pivoted on him. 
 You know what that is, the Marine blow, the 
 one that put Dempsey out. I caught him 
 right, too." 
 
 He doubled his fist and placed it against 
 Doc's chin in order to illustrate the man- 
 ner in which he did it. 
 
 *'I got him right there," he continued, 
 pushing with his fist as he spoke. 
 
 "If I'd caught him farther back," said the 
 freckled boy, running his fingers along 
 Doc's jawbone, "I might *a broke my 
 knuckles and not brought him down neither. 
 I got him right, though. He didn't know 
 whether he was in Chicago or East 
 Skowhegan." 
 
 With that he went to his chair, flushed and 
 happy. 
 
A PEST APPEARS 61 
 
 ""Gentlemen, I must bid you good-night," 
 said Doc\ as he arose. "I dislike to 
 tear myself away from these jovial reminis- 
 cences, but I have some writing to do in my 
 room," 
 
 He looked at the freckled boy and gave a 
 barely perceptible shake of the head and 
 then walked over to get his key. The 
 lightning dentist followed and spoke to him. 
 "Doc% I saw a fine girl to-day/' 
 
 "Well, never pat off tin to-morrow what 
 should have been done ten years ago.** 
 
 ""You simply saw her or you met her, 
 which?" 
 
 "Well, I saw her and I can meet her if I 
 want to," 
 
 "Attractive?" 
 
 "My God!" 
 
 "H'm,** 
 
 The dentist told of her occupation and 
 suggested that no language could aptly 
 describe her personal charms. 
 
 "Where is the place?" asked Doc*. 
 
 "The Hyperion Quick Lunch, just two 
 doors from our bunding.** 
 
 "Wen, don't be in too much haste.** 
 
 Next day Doc* called at the Hyperion 
 
62 DOC' HORNE 
 
 Quick Lunch, and when evening came he 
 had a piece of news for the dentist. 
 
 "Abandon all hope," he whispered to him 
 as they sat with the other members of the 
 colony who were assisting the police to 
 unravel the latest "mystery." 
 
 "What do you mean?" asked the dentist, 
 quick to take alarm. 
 
 "She is the wife of the manager." 
 
VII 
 
 DOC* DECIDES TO LEAVE THE HOTEL 
 
 It becomes necessary to report three 
 calamities affecting members of the Alfalfa 
 colony. 
 
 First was the discovery that the chosen 
 wife of the dentist was already married to 
 the manager of the Hyperion Quick Lunch. 
 Second was the freckled boy, who persisted 
 in joining the group on no provocation, and 
 talking of his prowess and his ability to 
 fascinate women. The third was a clash 
 between Doc' and the lush a vulgar 
 exhibition of what Doc' afterward called 
 the "ruder passions belonging to a primitive 
 state of society." 
 
 It may be said to the credit of the light- 
 ning dentist that he showed no inclination to 
 quarrel with Fate when he learned- that the 
 beautiful cashier at the ttyperion was 
 already married. 
 
 "Fortunately the thing hadn't gone very 
 far," he remarked to Doc'. 
 63 
 
6 4 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "And the woman, although pleasing- to 
 the eye, was of a cold 
 and unsympathetic na- 
 ture," said Doc'. "I 
 knew that the moment 
 I looked at her. You 
 are not discouraged by 
 this preliminary experi- 
 ence?" 
 
 1 'Not at all." 
 
 To prove which he 
 soon found one who 
 seemed desirable and 
 who was not mar- 
 ried, as will be re- 
 lated hereafter. 
 
 The freckled boy 
 threatened to be a permanent affliction, and 
 yet this boy, like every other organic being, 
 had certain uses which were discovered in 
 due time. 
 
 The distressing encounter between Doc' 
 and the lush might be passed over in 
 silence were it not for the fact that it helped 
 to make the subsequent reconciliation more 
 warming to all concerned. 
 
 The trouble came in the following 
 manner : 
 
 THE DAILY ROUTINE. 
 
DOC DECIDES TO LEAVE 65 
 
 One evening- the Insh had been empha- 
 sizing the daily routine, and so his stare was 
 glassy as he dropped into a chair and smiled 
 at his companions. There had been some 
 talk about dancing, and Doc' had ven- 
 tured to say that although he had not 
 danced a great deal in recent years, he had 
 no doubt that he could go out on the floor 
 and waltz until two o'clock in the morning. 
 
 "By y'rself, Doc'?" asked the lush. 
 
 "I am not in the habit of waltzing by 
 myself," said Doc', somewhat stiffly. 
 "When I used to go about a great deal in 
 Philadelphia society I was counted one of 
 the best waltzers in the city." 
 
 "Phil'delphi'! Doc', y're ringin' in a new 
 one on us. When's you in Phil'delphi'?" 
 
 "I was in Philadelphia the latter part of 
 the '6o's, " said Doc', moving uneasily in 
 his chair. "I don't know that it concerns 
 you, but some of the best people in Phila- 
 delphia are my friends." 
 
 **D' they know it?" asked the lush. 
 
 Doc' made no reply for several moments, 
 but it could be seen by the nervous man- 
 ner in which he handled his cigar that 
 he had been deeply offended. Finally 
 he turned to the lush and said: "Sir, I 
 
66 DOC' HORNE 
 
 can overlook the insinuation contained in 
 your remark. You have been drinking." 
 
 "I nev' drink," replied the lush. 
 41 What I want to know is, do these Phil'del- 
 phi' people know they're friends yours?" 
 
 "I am not in the habit of answering such 
 foolish questions." 
 
 ''Where is Phil'delphi', Doc'?" 
 
 Doc' drew at his cigar until the live end 
 was glowing red. 
 
 "On th' dead, Doc', did y' ever see Phil'- 
 delphi'?" and the lush chuckled. 
 
 Doc* was striving to preserve a dignified 
 silence. The race-track man and the dentist 
 kept back the lurking smiles. 
 
 "Wha' railroad is it on?" asked the lush. 
 
 "Sir-r-r!" said Doc', suddenly turning, 
 "do you realize that these remarks are 
 insulting? I can make certain allowances 
 for a man in your condition, but I object, 
 sir, to having you or any one else call into 
 question any statements I may make to these 
 gentlemen here." 
 
 "Get ep, " said the lush, from whose 
 flushed face the amiable smile had never 
 departed. 
 
 "And I want it understood," added 
 Doc'. 
 
DOC' DECIDES TO LEAVE 67 
 
 The drinks had been badly mixed, and the 
 lush was reckless. 
 
 4 'Don't mean me, do you, Doc'?" he asked. 
 
 "Yes, I mean you." 
 
 4 'What 'dido?" 
 
 "You appeared to doubt certain state- 
 ments that I made to these gentlemen here. " 
 
 "When's that?" 
 
 "Just a few moments ago." 
 
 "About Phil'delphi 1 ?" 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 "Tha's all right. I s'pose y've been 
 there. ' ' 
 
 "Suppose? Didn't you hear me say that 
 I had been there?" 
 
 "Y' got friends there, too?" 
 
 "Yes, sir, I have got friends there." 
 
 "Well, I jus' wondered if they know 'bout 
 it." 
 
 "Exactly so, and I don't want you to say 
 anything of the kind again." 
 
 "Y'aint mad, are you, Doc'?" 
 
 "Never you. mind whether I'm mad or 
 not. I've told you several times that I am 
 of a sensitive nature, and when any man 
 deliberately attempts to belittle my state- 
 ments he will hear from me. Yes, sir, ' ' and he 
 glared at the race-track man and the dentist. 
 
68 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "Y* wouldn't lick me, would you, Doc'?" 
 asked the lush, with a labored wink at the 
 dentist. 
 
 "I make no threats," replied Doc', 
 rummaging- in his pockets for a match with 
 which to relight his cigar. 
 
 The lush looked at Doc' unsteadily and 
 his lips moved in an effort to reopen the 
 discussion. He turned to the race-track 
 man and the dentist for encouragement, but 
 they were grave and noncommittal. 
 
 The lush brightened up all at once. 
 "Oh, Doc'," said he, "wha' state's Phil'del- 
 phi' in?" 
 
 "Silence!" An4 the voice of the infuri- 
 ated man rose to a shriek. 
 
 The lush leaned back in his chair and be- 
 gan to cackle at his joke. 
 
 In another instant Doc' had arisen and 
 made a right-hand pass at the lush, missing 
 him only about two feet. 
 
 The race-track man jumped in front of 
 Doc' and tried to calm him. 
 
 The lush stood up and began a very 
 deliberate effort to remove his coat, but the 
 dentist seized him by the shoulders and 
 pushed him through the street doorway and 
 into the hotel corridor. 
 
DOC' DECIDES TO LEAVE 69 
 
 "Le'm come on," shouted the lush, 
 valiantly, as he was pushed along; "I'm 
 purt' good scrapper m'self. " 
 
 "Stand aside, sir, stand aside," shouted 
 Doc', as he attempted to dodge past the 
 race-track man. "I have a right to demand 
 satisfaction of that scoundrel." 
 
 "Sit down," urged the race-track man. 
 "Don't pay any attention to him. He's 
 drunk." 
 
 "That may be, sir; but he must not 
 insult a Home, drunk or sober." 
 
 "Well, he's gone now. Wait till he 
 gets sober and then talk to him." 
 
 The dentist, having conducted the lush 
 through a side door to the bar-room, 
 returned to the front door and assisted 
 in pacifying Doc'. As soon as Doc' 
 became convinced that it was his duty, as a 
 Home, to ignore the cheap insinuations of a 
 tipsy man, he recovered his spirits and told 
 how he had been similarly insulted at a club 
 in San Francisco in 1873. He knocked the 
 man through a plate-glass mirror, and when 
 he offered to pay for the glass the club 
 would not permit him to do so, claiming 
 that he had done what any gentleman 
 should have done under the circumstances. 
 
;o DOC' HORNE 
 
 Just as Doc' was concluding this story 
 the lush, who had been refreshed by sev- 
 eral new drinks, came slowly toward the 
 front door and halted about twenty feet 
 away from Doc' and his audience. 
 
 "Doc', y're big bluff," said he, very 
 thickly, as he teetered back and forth. "Y're 
 fall canal water nev' saw Phil'delph'." 
 
 "Don't pay any attention to him," said 
 the race-track man to Doc'. "He doesn't 
 know what he's saying." 
 
 So Doc' preserved a grim silence. 
 
 The lush, having vindicated himself, 
 executed a serpentine course back to the 
 office and was then taken to his room in the 
 custody of a bell-boy. 
 
 "That is the first time I have lost my 
 temper since 1880, " said Doc'. 
 
 Next day the lush was apprised of what 
 he had done, so he went to Doc' and said: 
 "I I want to apologize for what happened 
 last night." 
 
 "Your apology is accepted," replied 
 Doc', speaking with much reserve. It was 
 evident that he had not forgiven the 
 lush. 
 
 Two days after the attempted assault, the 
 race-track man said to the dentist: 
 
DOC DECIDES TO LEAVE 71 
 
 "Were you out in front the other evening 
 when Doc' told about being elected re- 
 corder of Tracy County, Ohio, in 1858?" 
 
 "I heard him speak of it, but I wouldn't 
 be sure of names or dates." 
 
 "Well, I remember the name, and I 
 remember the date, and I think I've got 
 him nailed. This morning I was over in 
 the public library to look up a point and 
 decide a bet for a friend of mine, and while 
 I was looking through the catalogue I saw a 
 book, 'Complete History and Official Reg- 
 ister of Ohio' ; understand? I got it out, 
 and sure enough I found in the back part a 
 list of the counties and the officers ever since 
 the organization. I turned to Tracy County, 
 and I found that a man named Thomas 
 Pettit was recorder from 1858 to 1862 I 
 thought I might have been mistaken as to 
 the year, but I couldn't find Doc's name 
 anywhere in the book. He never held an 
 office in that county at all." 
 
 "Oh, well, what if he didn't? You're not 
 going to say anything to him about it, are 
 you? I don't believe I would. You know 
 Doc' is as sensitive as a woman, and 
 
 "All I'm going to do is ask him which is 
 right, him or the book over in the library." 
 
DOC' HORNE 
 
 "I don't think you ought to do it. I don't 
 see that it can do any good. " 
 
 "Oh, well, Doc' '11 say that the book's 
 wrong." 
 
 That evening the race-track man found 
 his opportunity. 
 
 "By the way, Doc', didn't you tell us the 
 other evening that you was once elected 
 recorder of Tracy County, Ohio?" 
 
 "Yes, I believe I did tell you about it." 
 "Let's see, what year was that?" 
 "I told you the year, didn't I?" 
 "It was 1858, wasn't it?" 
 
 "Yes, 1858 two 
 years before Abe Lin- 
 coln ran." 
 
 "The reason I asked 
 you was that I thought 
 you might have been 
 mistaken as to the year 
 or the county. ' ' 
 
 "A man couldn't 
 very well forget the 
 name of a county," 
 "TRACY couNTY-i8 5 8." suggested the lush, who 
 was in a protracted lapse of sobriety. 
 "Certainly not," said Doc'. 
 "There's a mistake somewhere," said the 
 
DOC' DECIDES TO LEAVE 73 
 
 race-track man. "I happened to be looking 
 through a history of Ohio the other day, and 
 it gave the name of Thomas Pettit as the 
 man who was elected recorder in Tracy 
 County in 1858. Of course the history may 
 be wrong, but that's what it said. I wanted 
 to be sure, so I copied it down, and I've 
 got it here." He produced from his vest 
 pocket a folded piece of paper, and opening 
 it, read: "Tracy County, Ohio; recorder 
 from 1858 to 1862, Thomas Pettit." 
 
 Doc' sat staring at the speaker, and 
 although he made an effort to remain calm, 
 his outstretched hand was trembling as he 
 said: "Let me see that paper." 
 
 The race-track man gave the paper to 
 him. Doc' laid it in his lap, and with 
 deliberation brought out his spectacle-case 
 and opened it. He carefully adjusted his 
 spectacles, and then, turning sidewise so as 
 to get the light that came out through the 
 doorway, read what was on the paper, his 
 lips moving as he did so. 
 
 "Yes; this is all right. I thought maybe 
 it said that Tom Pettit had been chosen at 
 the regular election. The history's got it 
 right. It just says there, you'll see, that he 
 was recorder from 1858 to 1862." 
 
74 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "I know, but I thought that you became 
 recorder in 1858." 
 
 "I became nothing of the kind, and I 
 didn't say so. I did say to you gentlemen, 
 without suspecting that the statement 
 needed verification, that I was elected re- 
 corder in 1858. I did not say that I ever 
 was recorder. I had the fan of the cam- 
 paign, overcame the regular majority, 
 cleaned the other fellow out, and what more 
 did I want? Three days after I was elected 
 I received an offer to go to Cincinnati and 
 act as business manager for a company that 
 had just been organized to run a line of 
 packets on the Ohio River. As I hadn't 
 qualified for the recordership I accepted the 
 Cincinnati position, and the county com- 
 missioners had to accept my resignation and 
 elect some one to take my place. One of the 
 commissioners wanted to elect Willoughby, 
 who had run against me, but the other two 
 were friendly to me. The feeling still ran 
 high, so they sided with me, and elected 
 Tom Pettit, who was a cousin of mine." 
 
 Doc' paused and then asked: "How 
 does it happen that you went and looked 
 this up?" 
 
 "I didn't look it up," the race-track man 
 
DOC' DECIDES TO LEAVE 75 
 
 hastened to explain. "I just ran across it 
 accidentally." 
 
 4 'Indeed!" 
 
 Thereupon Doc' arose and walked away 
 without the courtly "Good-night, gentle- 
 men," which usually fell on the group with 
 all the flavor of a benediction. 
 
 On the following morning Doc' notified 
 Mr. Ike Francis, the proprietor, that he 
 intended to leave the Alfalfa Hotel as soon 
 as he could find another room. He gave no 
 reasons. 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 TROLLEY CARS IN ST. LOUIS 
 
 June had come, month of roses and mar- 
 riages. 
 
 Every morning the dentist read in his 
 newspaper the long list of marriage licenses 
 and the full column of wedding stories. It 
 was maddening to him, and 
 the injustice of the whole 
 situation smote him. He 
 wondered if he was to be a 
 social outcast, bearing 
 some defect which 
 made him odious to 
 women. If not, why 
 should he, with money 
 and a wardrobe, have 
 no applications, being 
 O penly ready to marry 
 any one who pleased him and Doc' Home? 
 From fretting at his failure to attract 
 women he would turn to reviling himself as 
 one lacking courage and enterprise. He had 
 opportunities. Why did he not improve them? 
 76 
 
 " WAS 
 
TROLLEY CARS IN ST. LOUIS 77 
 
 One day in the office he was presented to 
 Miss Milbury, cousin of one of the operatives 
 in the Neapolitan Dental Parlors. They 
 talked for several minutes and she suggested 
 to him that he would be welcome if he chose to 
 come to the flat some evening with her cousin. 
 
 Here was the chance, and he did not 
 allow it to slip by. He did not respond with 
 the usual and quite indefinite "Thank you," 
 or "It's very kind of you," but said, 
 promptly: "Yes, indeed, I would be glad to 
 call, if you will suggest an evening," and 
 the young woman, rather startled at his 
 eagerness, said, "Oh ah Tuesday even- 
 ing," and did not urge him further. But 
 he required no urging. 
 
 He notified Doc' Home that he was 
 about to call on one who promised well. 
 Doc' showed a courteous interest, but 
 volunteered no suggestions. 
 
 "What's the matter, Doc'?" asked the 
 dentist. "Ain't you feeling well?" 
 
 "You are perhaps the one person to whom 
 I can speak freely," said Doc'. "I am not 
 entirely happy in my associations here at the 
 Alfalfa. This freckled boy is not an 
 example of good breeding, to say the least, 
 and his familiarities are beginning to wear 
 
78 DOC' HORNE 
 
 on me. Our friend who drinks too much 
 offered me a gratuitous insult the other even- 
 ing, and that well, that speculative person 
 who bets on the races has contrived to make 
 himself disagreeable. I have been in thirty 
 states of the Union and mixed with all 
 classes, but whenever it is possible I prefer 
 to be with gentlemen." 
 
 "They think the world of you, Doc'/' said 
 the dentist "I know the lush is sorry for 
 what he did, and besides, you know, he 
 apologized." 
 
 The dentist said other reassuring things, 
 with the result that when Doc' walked 
 back to the hotel after his restaurant din- 
 ner, and the freckled boy was not to be seen, 
 he took his place with the others. 
 
 The lush saluted him humbly and 
 sadly. For several days the lush had 
 been complaining of stomach trouble. After 
 an evening spent at the bar, the lush 
 would retire at midnight, cheerful and in 
 excellent mind and body, according to his 
 own admission. 
 
 Next morning he would be out of sorts. 
 
 There would be dry fever parching his 
 eyes and his lips would work uneasily on 
 something of an unpleasant taste. 
 
TROLLEY CARS IN ST. LOUIS 79 
 
 "I don't know what's the matter with me 
 this morning, " he would say. "My stomach 
 seems to be out of whack. I can't imagine 
 what's the matter. I haven't been eating 
 any fruit." 
 
 Then he would recall the fact that an 
 eminent physician once told him that the 
 best thing in the world for a disordered 
 stomach was whisky and soda. 
 
 Sometimes, if he had reason to believe that 
 he was suffering from indigestion, he drank 
 whisky and pepsin. He had been known to 
 use whisky and quinine to fight malarial 
 symptoms. 
 
 In spite of his willingness to take any kind 
 of medicine that would mix with whisky 
 harmoniously, his stomach continued to be 
 treacherous and troublesome. This evening 
 he was gloomy, for he had been neglecting 
 the treatment. 
 
 As Doc' put his chair alongside that of 
 the dentist and looked down the hazy street, 
 which was already settling into an evening 
 calm, a stranger, of harmless bearing and a 
 rather limp mustache, dragged a chair 
 toward them and asked: 
 
 "Gentlemen, may I sit with you and enjoy 
 this evening breeze?" 
 
8o DOC' HORNE 
 
 "Certainly, certainly, my dear sir," 
 replied Doc'. "Yon are a new-comer at the 
 hotel?" 
 
 "Yes, I am with you temporarily. My 
 wife and the children have gone into the 
 country for a few weeks, so I closed up the 
 house and came down here to live." 
 
 The dentist turned and looked at the 
 stranger as soon as "wife" was mentioned. 
 Here was a man who had entered that state 
 for which the dentist was striving. Doubt- 
 less he could give information. 
 
 "I should think a married man would find 
 it rather lonesome around this kind of a 
 hotel," suggested the dentist. 
 
 The married man turned and looked at 
 him as if startled, and then said quietly: 
 "Oh, I don't mind it." 
 
 "All three of us are bachelors," said the 
 dentist. 
 
 "Yes, poor, miserable bachelors," added 
 Doc', with a smile, for he alone under- 
 stood why the dentist was interested in the 
 topic of matrimony. 
 
 "I don't see why you should be miser- 
 able," said the married man, shaking his 
 head. "You're just as free as the air here. 
 There's no one to find fault with anything 
 
TROLLEY CARS IN ST. LOUIS 81 
 
 you do. You can come and go when you 
 please, turn in when you want to, eat and 
 drink what you like oh, well, some people 
 never know when they're well off." 
 
 "You'd get tired of it soon enough, and be 
 more than anxious to get back home," said 
 the dentist. 
 
 "Oh, well, perhaps perhaps," said the 
 married man. "Only, I want to tell you 
 that some people never know when they're 
 well off." Then, as if to vary the conversa- 
 tion, he turned to Doc' and said to him: 
 "You are a professional man, I believe?" 
 
 "Because they call me Doc'?" 
 
 "Yes, I supposed you were a doctor." 
 
 "No." 
 
 "And never was?" 
 
 "Yes and no. I never took a degree, 
 but I did practice medicine for a while a 
 little while. It was during the war. I was 
 in Cincinnati at the time, engaged in certain 
 negotiations regarding a government con- 
 tract. There was a large camp of Union 
 soldiers near Covington, and a mysterious 
 malady had broken out among the men, 
 a number of whom had died. The sickness 
 was a sort of combination of cholera and 
 quinsy. At least one hundred of the soldiers 
 
82 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 had it when I reached Cincinnati. As soon 
 as I learned the facts in the case I recog- 
 nized the disease as one that I had suffered 
 from myself, in Louisiana. I had made a 
 thorough study of it, and by certain experi- 
 ments had got the remedy for it. Well, I 
 went to the camp and announced my will- 
 ingness to treat the patients. At first the 
 surgeons wouldn't listen 
 to me, but I had influential 
 friends in the army who 
 brought them to time, and 
 I had my way. You 
 s see, this epidemic had 
 baffled them, and they 
 didn't like to admit 
 that any one knew 
 how to handle it. Gen- 
 tlemen, I began treat- 
 ing those men, and in 
 ten days I had every 
 one on his feet, feeling 
 like a fighting cock. 
 Of course the whole camp supposed I was a 
 physician, and so I. was called Doc' by the 
 officers and men alike. The appellation of 
 
 Doc' followed me to " 
 
 "Say, what do you think a fellow said to 
 
 "i SEEN 'EM. 
 
TROLLEY CARS IN ST. LOUIS 83 
 
 me just now?" asked a boisterous voice, and 
 the four men thus suddenly disturbed looked 
 up and saw the freckled scourge. 
 
 Doc's story was never finished. 
 
 "A fellow was tryin' to tell me that this 
 town had trolley cars before St. Louis did," 
 said the freckled boy, placing his hand on 
 Doc' Home's knee and glaring at the 
 embarrassed old gentleman. "Now, what 
 do you think o' the nerve o' some people? I 
 seen them trolley cars in St. Louis long 
 enough before they was here. Ain't that 
 right, huh?" 
 
 "I don't know," replied Doc', looking' 
 steadfastly toward the front door. 
 
 "Well, I know, you can gamble on that. 
 The nerve o' that guy! I tell you I seen 
 'em in St. Louis before they knowed what a 
 trolley pole was in this town. It's funny if 
 I wouldn't know it, too, bein' in both places. 
 You can bet they had trolley cars in St. 
 Louis before they had 'em here. I'd like to 
 bet a thousand on it. I just think that'd be 
 easy money that's what I think. This fel- 
 low might stand around all day and tell that 
 to people that don't know no better, but I'm 
 tellin' you that I seen 'em there. I'll call 
 anybody down on them statements." 
 
84 DOC' HORNE 
 
 The four stared drearily at the freckled 
 boy. He seemed to interpret their silence 
 as a contradiction of what he had been 
 saying. At least they did not appear to be 
 properly convinced, or they would have said 
 so. 
 
 "I seen theni trolley cars in St. Louis 
 when they didn't have 'em in but mighty 
 few towns in this country," said he, im- 
 pressively tapping the lush on the breast. 
 Then he laughed scornfully and continued : 
 "This fellow I was talkin' to thought he 
 had some boy that'd never been around any. 
 I know when they begin to run trolley cais 
 in St. Louis and I know when they used the 
 first cable in Kansas City. Mebbe I know it 
 and mebbe I don't. If I don't, then some 
 guy can win a little bundle o' money." He 
 put his hand into his watch pocket, as if to 
 draw out a roll of bills, and then paused and 
 began a new attack on the imaginary foe 
 who was persisting that Chicago had trolley 
 cars before St. Louis had any. 
 
 "W'y, there was lots of towns had trolley 
 cars before this town had 'em," said he, 
 with a contemptuous glance at the married 
 man. "Yes, you bet, there was a good and 
 plenty of towns had 'em." 
 
TROLLEY CARS IN ST. LOUIS 85 
 
 41 Well, what of it?" asked Doc' Home, 
 sharply. 
 
 "What of it? W'y, didn't this fellow out 
 here try to tell me that you had trolley cars 
 here before they ever had 'em in St. Louis? 
 Say, if that didn't make me sick. I called 
 him in a minute, and I had him cinched, 
 too, becuz I seen 'em down there." 
 
 Doc' moaned and then arose and started 
 away. 
 
 "And then he shut up," added the 
 freckled boy, smiling proudly, as he dropped 
 into the chair vacated by Doc'. 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 HOME LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 
 
 The married man's conversation fright- 
 ened the dentist 
 
 "Did you hear what he said, Doc'?" asked 
 the dentist later in the even- 
 ing. They were having 
 one of their confiden- 
 tial dialogues. 
 
 "Yes, but what of 
 it?" 
 
 "Why, here we've 
 been at this hotel, com- 
 plaining because we had 
 no homes, or firesides, 
 or or children or any- 
 thing, and along comes 
 this married man with a 
 wife and a home and two 
 children, and so on, and seems to be tickled 
 to death to get to the hotel here and live 
 with us. That's a fact. After you left 
 he said he only wished to the Lord he 
 could settle right down and stay with 
 
 86 
 
LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 87 
 
 us. And he kept on saying that us fellows 
 here didn't know when we were well off. 
 I'll tell you, Doc', that kind of talk is enough 
 to worry a man who's getting ready to jump 
 into matrimony at the first chance." 
 
 ''Nonsense, my dear fellow," said Doc', 
 tilting his head backward and smiling at the 
 dentist in mild benevolence. "You know 
 and I know that there have been unhappy 
 marriages. That is no indication that your 
 marriage will be a failure. Besides, this 
 married man may have spoken hastily. 
 Before a month has passed he will be anx- 
 ious to go back to his family. Perhaps his 
 wife nags him sometimes and he is glad to 
 get away from her for a few weeks now and 
 then. Or perhaps he has soured her life by 
 his indifference, and now puts the blame on 
 her. Don't let his experience frighten 
 you. ' ' 
 
 Now, in order that the married man at the 
 Alfalfa European Hotel may not be set up 
 as a fair specimen of his kind, it is well that 
 one should know something about his wife. 
 Not that she is a fair specimen either, but 
 simply the kind of martyr who would 
 encourage a husband to seek peace with the 
 shaggy bachelors at the Alfalfa. 
 
88 DOC' HORNE 
 
 FIRST EPISODE 
 
 (She is at the breakfast table with Walter, 
 aged eleven, and Lulu, aged six. He comes, 
 with a morning paper in his hand. He sits 
 and reads. ) 
 
 She "Children, say good-morning to 
 your papa." 
 
 Walter ' ' Good-morning, papa. ' ' 
 
 Lulu ' ' Good-morning, papa. ' ' 
 
 He "Good morning, children." 
 
 She "I want you children to always 
 speak to your papa in the morning, whether 
 he notices you or not. 1 ' 
 
 He "I see that the President started on 
 his trip. ' ' 
 
 Walter "Where's he going, papa?" 
 
 She "Sh-h-h! When your papa comes 
 to the breakfast table he doesn't want to 
 talk to any one. I'll explain to you what it 
 is after breakfast, Walter. ' ' 
 
 He (lowering paper] "What is it he wants 
 to know?" 
 
 She "Never mind, Walter. I'll tell you 
 after breakfast. Your father isn't in a very 
 good humor this morning. He was out late 
 last night." 
 
LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 89 
 
 He "I wasn't out very late." 
 
 She "I'd like to know what time it was 
 when you came in." 
 
 He "Huh?" 
 
 She "Well, if you're so intent on that 
 paper, I'll not disturb you. Walter! Eat 
 all of your oatmeal. ' ' 
 
 Walter "I don't want any more, 
 mamma." 
 
 She "Well, I want you to eat more oat- 
 meal and less fruit. " 
 
 He "I wouldn't compel him to eat oat- 
 meal unless he wants it. " 
 
 She "Very well, Walter, you may eat 
 whatever you please. That seems to be 
 your father's idea of dieting a child. 
 What's the matter with you, Lulu?" 
 
 Lulu "I'm sleepy." 
 
 She "Did you wake up when your father 
 came in?" 
 
 Lulu "No' m." 
 
 She "Well, it's a wonder. He made 
 enough noise coming in at all hours of the 
 night!" 
 
 He "I came in once that was all." 
 
 She "That was late enough, goodness 
 knows." 
 
 He "Oh, it wasn't so very late." 
 
9 o DOC' HORNE 
 
 She "I'd like to know what time it was. sv 
 
 He "It was about twelve, I guess." 
 
 She "Indeed? I heard it strike twelve 
 some time before you came in some little 
 time before you came in." 
 
 He "Well, if it struck twelve before I 
 came in it must have been after twelve 
 when I arrived." 
 
 She "Indeed, it was!" 
 
 He "All right, we've got that settled, 
 and now you may pour me a cup of coffee, 
 sweetness." 
 
 She "Please don't use such language as 
 that in the presence of the children. I 
 judged it must have been one o'clock." 
 
 He "What was one o'clock?" 
 
 She "When you came in." 
 
 He "Are you still talking about that?" 
 
 She "I can -very well understand why 
 you don't want to talk about it." 
 
 He "Why? What do you suspect?" 
 
 She "Well, wasn't it one o'clock?" 
 
 He "I don't think so. I came home on 
 the cable car. ' ' 
 
 She "The last cable car?" 
 
 He "Well, I didn't wait to see if any 
 more came along. ' ' 
 
 She "Oh, you didn't?" 
 
LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 91 
 
 He "No, ma'am/' 
 
 She "What time does the last cable 
 run?" 
 
 He "I don't know; but you can find out 
 at the general offices. " 
 
 She "Oh, I can, can I?" 
 
 He "Yes, ma'am." 
 
 She "Do your lodge meetings last until 
 midnight?" 
 
 He "Not very often." 
 
 She "Then you were not at the lodge 
 meeting a// the time?" 
 
 He "I was there all of the time there 
 was any meeting going on. I had to leave 
 after the meeting adjourned, because the 
 man wanted to lock up the place." 
 
 She "Oh, you did, did you?" 
 
 He "Yes, ma'am. Will you have 
 another piece of bacon?" 
 
 She "Where was the meeting held?" 
 
 He "Masonic Temple. " 
 
 She "And it took you until one o'clock 
 to get from the Masonic Temple up to the 
 house here?" 
 
 He "Did it?" 
 
 She "How long does it take to come 
 home on the cable?" 
 
 He "What is that a conundrum?" 
 
92 DOC' HORNE 
 
 She "The meeting couldn't have lasted 
 later than eleven o'clock." 
 
 He "You're talking about the lodge 
 meeting now?" 
 
 She "I most certainly am. You must 
 have gone somewhere after the meeting. ' ' 
 
 He "I always go somewhere after every 
 lodge meeting. I have to. ' ' 
 
 She "You don't come home evidently. " 
 
 He "When, after the lodge meeting? 
 That's when I always come home after the 
 meeting. You don't expect me to come 
 home before the meeting, do you, dear?" 
 
 She "I must say that I don't see any- 
 thing to laugh at." 
 
 He "Don't you? Well, I enjoy this." 
 
 She "I'd like to know how you put in 
 your time late at night downtown." 
 
 He "Well, I'll tell you what I did last 
 night if you promise not to tell any one. ' ' 
 
 She "Yes, I dare say you will tell 
 me." 
 
 He "This is confidential. I was out 
 robbing a house." 
 
 She "Humph! I suppose you think 
 that's funny." 
 
 He "Well, I don't know what else to tell 
 you. If I said that I'd been out visiting dis- 
 
LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 93 
 
 reputable saloons and drinking rum, I know 
 you wouldn't believe that." 
 
 She "I don't know of any place down- 
 town that could be visited, with propriety, at 
 midnight." 
 
 He "Have you made a pretty thorough 
 study of night resorts, my dear?" 
 
 She "I dare say I don't know as much 
 about them as you do. I think it's shame- 
 ful for a man who professes to be a church 
 member." 
 
 He "You think what's shameful, pet?" 
 
 She "It's not necessary to go into details 
 in the presence of the children." 
 
 He "Details of what? What in the 
 world are you talking about?" 
 
 She "I can not understand how you 
 put in your time at such an hour of the 
 night." 
 
 He "You can't understand it?" 
 
 She "No, sir, I cannot." 
 
 He "Well, then, if you don't know how 
 I put in my time, what is there to suppress? 
 Go ahead and tell the children all about it. ' ' 
 
 She "I don't think such things ought to 
 be discussed before children, anyway." 
 
 He "Yes, I've noticed that you feel that 
 way about it." 
 
94 DOC' HORNE 
 
 She "You seem to be rather sarcastic 
 this morning. ' ' 
 
 He "Not at all." 
 
 (A pause.} 
 
 She "You're not very hungry this morn- 
 ing." 
 
 He "No; not very. " 
 
 She "You must have had something to 
 eat before you came home last evening." 
 
 He "Yes." 
 
 She "I thought as much. Why didn't 
 you say so at first? Do you think it's the 
 proper thing to go to such places?" 
 
 He "What places do you mean?" 
 
 She "I mean //cww, such as the one you 
 visited." 
 
 He "Oh, you know the place, do you?" 
 
 'She "I can guess, I suppose." 
 
 He "Yes, ma'am." 
 
 She "And if it's going to have this effect 
 on you I hope you won't go very often. 
 You seem to be very much interested in your 
 paper this morning." 
 
 He "Pardon me, dear. Was there any- 
 thing you wanted to talk to me about?" 
 
 She " CVrtainly not." 
 
 He ' ' I thought perhaps you'd like to know 
 where I went last night after lodge meeting. ' ' 
 
LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 95 
 
 She "Not at all. I have no curiosity in 
 the matter whatever. ' ' 
 
 He "Oh, all right. I didn't know but 
 what you'd be interested to find out what 
 
 it was kept me out so late. However " 
 
 (Resumes his newspaper.) 
 
 SECOND EPISODE 
 
 (// is dusk. She has put aside her fancy work 
 and is looking at the flower-bed in the cen- 
 ter of the grass plat. He enters, humming 
 a tune, and kisses her in a dutiful manner. ) 
 She "Oh!" 
 He "What's the matter? Didn't you 
 
 expect it?" 
 
 She' ' Oh ! I do believe ' ' 
 
 He "Believe what?" 
 
 She "Come here again." 
 
 He "What do you want?" 
 
 She "Come here" (pulling him doivn by 
 
 the coat as he comes near her). "I thought I 
 
 wasn't mistaken. I smelled it clear across 
 
 the room the minute you came in." 
 He (after a pause) "Smelled what?" 
 She (looking intently at the flower-bed, and 
 
 biting her lower lip) "I don't know some 
 
 kind of liquor. ' ' 
 
 He (airily) "Oh, that? I told Scham- 
 
 wurst I'd get a lecture, but he insisted." 
 
9 6 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 She "I'm afraid I haven't the pleasure 
 of knowing Mr. ah your friend." 
 
 He "Who, Schamwurst? He's the Ger- 
 man that owns the new flat building just 
 beyond Berry Avenue there. I've handled 
 most of his business for two or three years, 
 and I've just written policies to cover the 
 
 "I TOLD SCHAMWURST I'D GET A LECTURE." 
 
 new building. That's how I happened to go 
 into his place to-day." 
 
 She "What do you mean by his place?" 
 
 He "Why, I mean his place of business, 
 the only one he has." 
 
 She "It's a saloon, isn't it?" 
 
 He "Well, yes, it's a saloon nice, quiet 
 German place, though." 
 
LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 97 
 
 She "Why didn't this man come to your 
 office if he wanted to see you?" 
 
 He "Well, I couldn't very well ask him 
 to come all the way downtown. I'm going 
 after business, you know. I'm not asking 
 business to hunt me up." 
 
 She "Then why didn't you go and see 
 him at his home?" 
 
 He "I'd like to know when I'd find him 
 at home. He's in the saloon all day. 
 Besides, he lives upstairs, and I suppose 
 there might be some objection to my visiting 
 a place that was above a saloon." 
 
 She "It seems to me you know a great 
 deal about the place" (with a nervous little 
 laugJi}. "You must be a frequent visitor." 
 
 He "Oh, pshaw! I've written a policy 
 covering his home place and I know he lives 
 upstairs." 
 
 She (decisively] "Well, I wouldn't tran- 
 sact any business with a saloon-keeper if I 
 had to sit around a doggery and drink 
 liquor." 
 
 He "My sitting around consisted of a 
 very brief visit, and I did not drink any 
 liquor." 
 
 She "What was it, then?" 
 
 He "Well, it was just a glass of beer 
 
98 DOC' HORNE 
 
 some kind of light beer. Schamwurst was 
 very anxious that I should try it and I 
 
 She "He wanted to get you started so 
 that you'd come there and spend your 
 money. That's the way they do." 
 
 He "Nonsense. " 
 
 She "Oh, I'm talking nonsense, am I?" 
 
 He "Schamwurst merely wished to be 
 courteous, that's all. How could I refuse 
 him? I didn't want him to think that I had 
 any prejudice against him, on account of his 
 business. Besides, what's one little glass of 
 beer?" 
 
 She "It contains alcohol, doesn't it?" 
 
 He "I suppose so. I don't know and I 
 don't care." 
 
 She "Well! I think you'd better go and 
 lie down a while if beer guzzling has that 
 effect on you." 
 
 He (repressing himself} "I have told you 
 several times that I had one small glass of 
 beer." 
 
 She "Well, you might as well drink a 
 dozen, so far as the principle of the thing is 
 concerned every bit." 
 
 He "If that's the case I'm sorry I didn't 
 drink the dozen." 
 
 She (sniffling] "I suppose you are." 
 
LIFE IN TWO EPISODES 99 
 
 He- "You bet I am. If I'm going to 
 have the reputation of being a drunkard I 
 might as well have some fun along with it. ' ' 
 
 She "If I were you I wouldn't be in any 
 business that compelled me to visit these 
 dens and drink alcohol and come home to my 
 family all all reeking with 
 
 He "Thank you! I am now reeking, am 
 I? I suppose I am more or less intoxicated 
 also?" 
 
 She "I don't care to talk about it any 
 more. If you choose to go into saloons and 
 sit around and drink beer I don't suppose 
 that anything I can say will stop you, but I 
 do think you ought to remember that you 
 have two children and that you are supposed 
 to be a member of the church. I only hope 
 for the sake of the family that none of our 
 church friends will ever catch you coming 
 out of one of those places. " 
 
 He "That's very good. Church friends, 
 indeed ! Don't you suppose there are people 
 in that church who keep beer right in their 
 own houses?" 
 
 She "That isn't any reason why you 
 should. If it ever comes to that, that you'll 
 have your dram right here in the house 
 where the children " 
 
ioo DOC' HORNE 
 
 He "Now, who saicl anything about 
 bringing stuff into this house?" 
 
 She "Well, if you're determined 'to drink 
 it, I don't see why it wouldn't be just as 
 well for the children to see it here as to find 
 out that their father was sitting around in 
 these resorts, drinking with saloon-keepers." 
 
 He (arising from his chair and "walking 
 about uneasily) "All right! All right! I'll 
 have a keg sent up in the morning." 
 
 She (breaking] "I I never expected to 
 see you in this condition." 
 
 He "What condition? Oh, Great Scott!" 
 
 She (arising and moving toward the door 
 with the handkerchief at her eyes] "I don't 
 don't think you'd talk this way if 
 you ' ' 
 
 He "You're quite right. I am runa's 
 maniac. Leave me alone, and I'll sleep off 
 my debauch." 
 
 (She goes out.} 
 
 All this is told that some light may be 
 thrown on the married man's reiteration, 
 "You fellows never know when you're 
 well off." 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 ACQUAINTANCES OR FRIENDS WHICH ? 
 
 Doc' Home regarded his associates and 
 fellow-roomers at the Alfalfa European 
 Hotel as mere acquaintances. A few men 
 had floated together in one eddy of the city's 
 turbulence. They had exchanged names, 
 swapped stories and organized themselves 
 into a small community through the prompt- 
 ings of a natural hunger for companionship. 
 Members of the community drifted away 
 and were lost, and those remaining behind 
 did not seem to miss them. Strangers came 
 and were carelessly received into fellowship. 
 It was a loose sort of intercourse, and there 
 was no evidence that any genuine friend- 
 ships were growing out of the chance meet- 
 ings. 
 
 The humiliating encounter with the 
 lush, the race-track man's endeavor to dis- 
 credit the story of Ohio politics, and the 
 freckled boy's persistence in talking slangily 
 about himself had helped to convince Doc* 
 Home that the dentist was his only friend, 
 
 101 
 
102 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 and that he (Doc') could be happier in 
 another hotel. 
 
 It is possible that he might have gone 
 from the Alfalfa, had it not been for a slight 
 attack of illness which crum- 
 pled him in bed one morning, 
 freckled boy heard of 
 Doc's illness from 
 the chambermaid. 
 He went to the room 
 at once and found 
 Doc' curled under 
 the bed clothes into 
 the shape of a letter 
 S, and groaning 
 dismally. 
 
 "Great heavens, Doc'!" he exclaimed. 
 ''What's the matter?" 
 
 'Oh, my dear sir," replied Doc', with 
 a quavering sigh of pain. "Oh, gee!" 
 "A fever, Doc'?" 
 
 "A complication, my boy. Liver wrong 
 caught cold on top of it. I haven't had 
 anything of this kind since I was in Wash- 
 ington in 1874. Oh, dear!" 
 
 "Well, Doc', old boy, if there's anything I 
 can do for you, you bet it's me '11 do it. 
 When any friend o' mine gets laid out on his 
 
 THE PATIENT. 
 
WHICH ? 103 
 
 back there's nothin' too good for him. 
 Look here ! That dentist has got some new 
 and sassy night-gowns. I'll go and pinch 
 one for you, so that you'll look good and 
 swell when any one comes in to see you." 
 
 "Oh, never mind," said Doc', feebly, 
 caressing his stomach region. 
 
 "Well, I'll do it just the same. That red 
 flannel you're wearin' may be comfortable, 
 but, on the level, it don't help your looks 
 any." 
 
 So he went out and intimidated a cham- 
 bermaid, who allowed him to go into the 
 dentist's room, and he returned with the 
 "sassy" garment. Also, he loudly ordered 
 the chambermaid to bring clean pillow- 
 slips. 
 
 The gown was a white, starchy garment 
 with red scallops around the neck and down 
 the front. After Doc' had put on the 
 gown and propped himself up against two 
 fat, white pillows he made a respectable 
 appearance, although he insisted that he 
 suffered as much as ever. 
 
 "I've got to duck," said the freckled boy. 
 "I've told that kid to come up here' every 
 little while to see what you want. I'll see 
 you later." 
 
104 DOC ' HORNE 
 
 "Don't put yourself out on my account, 5 ' 
 said Doc', timidly. 
 
 "Look here!" exclaimed the boy, laying 
 his hand on the old man's shoulder. 
 "You're sick, and we're goin' to take care 
 of you. You bet if there's anything you 
 want you can get it. ' ' 
 
 Doc' tried to say something, but failed.' 
 He simply nodded. 
 
 When the freckled boy went downstairs 
 he met the lush, to whom he told the 
 news. The lush was on his way to the 
 bar to try a gin cocktail as a remedy for 
 heartburn, but he forgot his own malady 
 when he heard about Doc'. 
 
 Without waiting for the slow elevator to 
 come down he bounded up the stairway 
 three steps at a time and dashed into Doc's 
 little room at the end of the hall. 
 
 "By George, Doc', you must excuse me for 
 not coming up sooner, but I just heard about 
 this." 
 
 "I didn't give in until last night," said 
 Doc'. "My physician thinks it's nothing 
 serious." 
 
 "Well, by thunder, you know can't take 
 any chances. Did he give you any medi- 
 cine?" 
 
WHICH? 
 
 105 
 
 "Yes; some capsules and drops." 
 
 "Rats! If you've got a cold and feel sort 
 of run down the best thing you can do is to 
 get a bottle of good whisky and hit it about 
 every half hour. Now, Doc', I'm goin' to 
 get you some that I know is all right." 
 
 "Maybe I hadn't 
 
 better " began 
 
 Doc'. 
 
 "Oh, pshaw! good 
 whisky can't hurt 
 you. I've been this 
 way myself two or 
 three times, and 
 whisky is the only 
 thing that ever 
 helped me. I'll be 
 back in a little while. ' ' 
 
 He hurried away, 
 and fifteen minutes 
 later, as he came into 
 the office with a basket of peaches in one 
 hand and a quart bottle of whisky in the 
 other, he met the race-track man. 
 
 "What are you doing with that stuff?" 
 asked the race-track man. 
 
 "Great Scott! Haven't you heard? 
 Doc's laid up in his room sick as he can 
 
 WITH SUPPLIES. 
 
io6 DOC HORNE 
 
 be. I've been out buying some things for 
 him." 
 
 "You don't expect a sick man to eat a 
 peck of peaches, do you?" 
 
 "A little fruit won't hurt him. I've got a 
 quart of whisky there that cost me two 
 dollars. That ought to fix him. Come on 
 up and see the old boy." 
 
 "Sure, I will. I wonder if he's got any- 
 thing to read? Expect I'd better buy some- 
 thing." 
 
 The race -track man went out and pur- 
 chased all the morning papers, a copy of 
 "Lovers Once, but Strangers Now," and a 
 New York weekly paper filled with scan- 
 dalous half-tone reproductions of photo- 
 graphs. 
 
 The two men carried their supplies up to 
 Doc's room and laid them on the bed- 
 spread in front of him. 
 
 "Honestly, boys this is too much; don't 
 go to all this trouble," said Doc', who was 
 really embarrassed. 
 
 These two men, of all ! 
 
 "I'm rather afraid to eat fruit," he said. 
 
 "Well, here's something you needn't be 
 afraid of," said the lush, calling attention 
 to the bottle of whisky. Merely to prove 
 
WHICH ? 107 
 
 that the liquor was all right he drew the 
 cork and poured a heavy drink into the glass 
 on the table and drank it with great ease. 
 
 "Now, Doc'/' said ne , pouring another 
 drink. 
 
 "I expect I'd better not drink anything 
 until I see my physician," said Doc'. 
 
 "You take it then," said the lush, 
 offering the glass to the race-track man. 
 
 "No, I never drink in the morning," was 
 the reply. 
 
 The lush gazed at the drink thought- 
 fully, and, after a moment's hesitancy, 
 swallowed it. 
 
 "Now, Doc'," said he, "don't you want me 
 to read to you?" 
 
 "No, I don't want to put you to all 
 that " 
 
 "Get out! You must think we're bar- 
 barians to neglect an old friend when he's 
 sick. I can stay here all day and read to 
 you. Say, Doc', on the. square, you ought to 
 take a good drink of that liquor. It would 
 put new life into you." 
 
 "I'm afraid to try it." 
 
 The lush spent the greater part of the 
 day in Doc's bedroom, striving to per- 
 form various services for the patient. At 
 
io8 DOC' HORNE 
 
 times Doc' would be calm and free from 
 pain, and at other times he would rub his 
 stomach region, wince and groan. At such 
 times the lush would become greatly 
 excited. He would take a small drink to 
 quiet his nerves and would then declare, 
 with some profanity, that it "broke him all 
 up" to see an old friend suffer. 
 
 When the lightning dentist arrived at the 
 hotel late in the afternoon and heard the 
 news from Mr. Ike Francis, he ran out and 
 purchased a bouquet of yellow roses. Going 
 in on tiptoe, he laid the flowers on the 
 spread. 
 
 Doc' saw the bouquet, and his cup ran 
 over. He tried to blink away the tears, and 
 the lightning dentist was so embarrassed 
 that he turned and went out, still on tiptoe. 
 
 He came back later, when he was sure 
 that he could control his feelings. The 
 lush had given up nursing, and retired to 
 his room to take a nap. 
 
 "You boys have been kind to me to-day," 
 said Doc', who was sitting half-wa)^ up, 
 with the yellow roses in front of him. "My 
 God! what a thing it is to have friends! 
 I've made fortunes and I've lost them, but 
 I made good friends and I never lost them. 
 
WHICH ? 109 
 
 It's a great blessing, my dear sir, to grow 
 old and still hold to your faith in humanity. 
 Even that freckled boy " 
 
 "Are you feeling some better by this 
 time?" 
 
 "I'll be all right to-morrow. I know 
 these attacks, and I know how to combat 
 them." 
 
 "I'd spend the evening with you, Doc', 
 but this is my night to go and call on 
 Miss Milbury. " 
 
 "Is she the one you mentioned the other 
 day?" 
 
 "Yes, and I'm anxious to know her 
 better, because she's darned pretty and 
 seems to be very refined." 
 
 "You might drop in after you get home 
 and tell me what kind of a time you had." 
 
 "I'd like to, first-rate, if it wouldn't be 
 disturbing you. If you fall asleep you 
 wouldn't want to be 
 
 "Oh, that's all right. Come right in. 
 I'll be awake." 
 
 Sure enough, Doc' was awake when the 
 dentist returned from his call. The lush 
 was there. After taking his nap he had 
 returned to his post of duty and now he sat 
 near the bedside, gazing at Doc' with an 
 
no DOC HORNE 
 
 expression of plaintive solicitude and an air 
 of wavering sleepiness. 
 
 "I'm bringin' him 'round all ri'," he 
 remarked. 
 
 The presents were on the table. The 
 infallible remedy in the quart bottle had 
 been reduced in quantity until it was half- 
 way down the label, but the basket of 
 peaches was still unbroken. 
 
 "You had a pleasant evening?" asked 
 Doc', looking up from the pillows. 
 
 "Great!" replied the dentist, not choosing 
 to be any more specific in the presence of 
 the lush. 
 
 The dentist wore light gray coat and 
 trousers, patent-leather shoes, a plaid waist- 
 coat of hempen material, a blue and white 
 bow tie and a roan-colored derby hat. On 
 his lapel was a large flower, although it was 
 small for a peony. 
 
 Catching Doc's eye, he looked down at 
 the flower and touched it with his thumb, 
 and then Doc' knew she had given it to 
 him. 
 
 "Ain't I good nurse, Doc'?" asked the 
 lush. 
 
 "You certainly have been kind and faith- 
 ful to-day," replied Doc'. 
 
WHICH? in 
 
 " Yes, but when a man's laid up, a woman 
 is the only one who can take care of him," 
 suggested the dentist. 
 
 "Oh, I don' know," said the lush. 
 "I'm pretty goo' little nurse myself." 
 
 "Just the same, if I'm going to be sick, I 
 want a woman to nurse me," said the 
 dentist. 
 
 "That's where a woman is an angel, 
 gentlemen a ministering angel, sure 
 enough, is in the sick-room," remarked 
 Doc', putting his head higher on the pil- 
 low so that he could look out at them. 
 "Once I was taken suddenly ill in New 
 Orleans and had to go to the hospital. I 
 was delirious for four weeks clear out of 
 my head. The third day of my illness, so 
 they told me afterward, a beautiful woman 
 attired in black came to the hospital and 
 asked permission to nurse me, saying that 
 she was a friend of mine. Well, sir, that 
 woman was at my bedside almost constantly 
 for a month. The attendants at the hos- 
 pital said they never witnessed a more won- 
 derful exhibition of gentleness and devotion. 
 On the day when I regained consciousness 
 this woman left the hospital and I never 
 could learn who she was or why she had 
 
ii2 DOC' HORNE 
 
 taken such an interest in me. I made every 
 effort to find her, but I couldn't do it. I 
 guess it's time to take another of those 
 capsules. ' ' 
 
 The lush was willing to sit up all night, 
 but the dentist understood, and succeeded 
 in taking him away. When they were in 
 the hallway the lush said: "New Orleans 
 hoshpital. Doc' has ev'y slymptom of 
 man's goin' to get well." 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 
 the 
 
 A LECTURE ON THE COCKTAIL 
 
 Being reestablished in warmest fellow- 
 ship with the members of the hotel colony, 
 Doc' looked hopefully toward his task of 
 rinding a wife for the dentist, and then 
 voluntarily accepted the 
 burden of reforming 
 lush. 
 
 The lush, sober, was 
 a well-behaved person 
 and one slow to admit 
 that he ever drank too 
 much or too often. 
 Like other drinking 
 men, he believed that 
 he could deceive him- 
 self and deceive others. 
 If any one had sug- 
 gested "reform" to 
 him, he would have 
 been deeply hurt, 
 reform? 
 
 ABSTINENCE. 
 
 What was there to 
 
 113 
 
ii4 DOC ' HORNE 
 
 Acting under the orders of a physician, 
 once he had stopped drinking for a full week. 
 That is, he drank only Jamaica ginger and 
 hard cider during this period of abstinence, 
 on the technical claim that they were not 
 alcoholic liquors. He changed his diet also, 
 and ate lunches somewhat like the follow- 
 ing: 
 
 Turtle Soup with sherry. 
 
 Rum Omelette. 
 
 Maraschino Punch. 
 
 Mince Pie with brandy sauce. 
 
 He kept the pledge for a week, and was in 
 misery most of the time, and then went 
 back to drinking, announcing that the 
 experiment was a failure. 
 
 Doc' had talked with him in private and 
 suggested, with much diplomacy, that he 
 drink nothing but lithia water for a full 
 month. 
 
 "That stuff is poison to me, Doc'," he 
 would say. "I know what you want. You 
 want me to let up on the other thing, but 
 you're wrong. Doc' you are, for a fact." 
 He was not deeply offended. In fact, he 
 was rather amused that any one should 
 think it advisable for him to change his 
 habits. 
 
LECTURE ON COCKTAIL 115 
 
 One evening, in front of the hotel, he 
 announced that he had found a drink cure. 
 
 "You've been giving me good advice, 
 Doc','' he said, nudging the dentist, "and so 
 you'll be interested to know that I've found 
 something that will cure any man of drink- 
 ing." 
 
 "What is it?" asked Doc', declining to 
 be amused. 
 
 "A German cocktail. Did you ever notice 
 what happens in a German garden when you 
 order a cocktail? Well, it simply throws all 
 the machinery out of gear. The waiter has 
 to go and consult the manager, and the 
 manager calls a conference of bartenders, 
 and they all get together and talk it over, 
 and then somebody gets out a book and 
 reads the directions. They put a tumbler 
 out on the bar, and every man who remem- 
 bers anything that goes into a cocktail comes 
 and drops it into this tumbler. I don't 
 know myself, but a friend of mine says that 
 the first thing a German puts into a cocktail 
 is a jigg er f Pilsener beer. Then they 
 begin on the green bottles behind the bar 
 and finish up with a little Rhine wine and a 
 straw. I know it took them a half-hour to 
 compound this whatever it was they 
 
n6 DOC' HORNE 
 
 brought me the other night. It came on in 
 a kind of a small fruit dish and had cherries, 
 orange peel, watermelon, pineapple and 
 several other kinds of fruit around the 
 edges, and some " 
 
 "I guess it wasn't as bad as that," said 
 the dentist, laughing. 
 
 "Well, it broke all records with me. It 
 seemed to have every ingredient except the 
 one that makes a cocktail worth drinking. 
 I know I could taste the caraway seed in it. 
 They put a few caraway seeds into every- 
 thing. But I drank it, and then I came 
 back here to the hotel and had a dream that 
 I'll remember if I live to be a million years 
 old. This cocktail was giving me trouble, 
 and I wasn't sure that I could sleep. I 
 think I did fall asleep, however. I hope I 
 was asleep when it happened. 
 
 "I felt something tickling my feet, and I 
 looked up over the covers, and there was a 
 yellow monkey sitting 011 the foot-board. 
 He says, 'What time is it?' I told him I 
 didn't know. Then he says, 'Don't you 
 remember me?' I told him that his face 
 was familiar, but I couldn't place him. He 
 laughed very pleasantly, and then he began 
 mixing drinks. He'd balance one glass on 
 
LECTURE ON COCKTAIL 117 
 
 his head and curl his tail around another 
 glass containing the drink. He'd give his 
 tail a flip and send the liquor up into the air, 
 and it would all come down in the glass on 
 his head without spilling a drop. Then he'd 
 change glasses and repeat the performance. 
 
 "I complimented him on his dexterity, or 
 rather his caudality, and then he told me 
 he'd like to introduce a friend. I said, 'All 
 right,' so he put the end of his tail in his 
 mouth and blew on it, like a whistle, and a 
 polka-dot alligator crawled up on the foot- 
 board and sat down alongside the monk. I 
 must say the alligator worried me a little. 
 He was black, with white spots, and he had 
 electric lights in his eyes. I saw something 
 like it once before at a variety theater. One 
 eye would go out and the other would keep 
 on shining, and then they'd change about. 
 Then both would go out for a minute. 
 Sometimes they'd simply blink, rapidly. 
 
 "The alligator looked at me, and then he 
 said to the monkey, 'What time did he say it 
 was?' The monkey told him I didn't know, 
 and then both of them laughed. By 
 George, that alligator had the most disagree- 
 able laugh I ever heard in all my life ! 
 
 "The monkey jumped down on the bed- 
 
n8 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 spread and walked up and sat on the pillow 
 right beside my head. He began smooth- 
 ing back my hair, using first one paw and 
 then the other. One was as hot as fire and 
 the other as cold as ice. In the meantime 
 Mr. Alligator sat on the foot- 
 board and gave me the laugh. 
 All at once he 
 yelled, 'Get his eye!' 
 The next thing I 
 knew that monkey 
 had his hind legs 
 twined around my 
 neck and was trying 
 to take one of my 
 eyes out. It occurred 
 to me that he was 
 presuming too much 
 on short acquaintance, and I made a fight, 
 but he was too good for me. He got the 
 eye all right. Yes, and as soon as he got 
 it, he made a jump clear out into the 
 middle of the floor. Then, what do you 
 think? Why, he and the alligator moved 
 the dresser out from the wall and began to 
 play 'ant'ny over' with my eye. Wasn't 
 that a nerve for you? It was the first game 
 of 'ant'ny over' I'd seen since I was a boy. 
 
 GET HIS EYE! 
 
LECTURE ON COCKTAIL 119 
 
 "When the alligator got excited he stood 
 right up and balanced himself on the tip of 
 his tail, and the electric lights in his eyes 
 changed colors. One moment they'd be 
 blue, then green, then red, and so on. I 
 sat there watching the game for ten minutes 
 or more, I should judge, and then I looked 
 around, and in the corner of the room was 
 something that looked like a prairie wolf 
 keeping score! That's the last I remem- 
 ber. I think I must have rolled over in bed 
 and started another set of wheels." 
 
 "Merciful Providence!" gasped the den- 
 tist. "All that from one cocktail?" 
 
 "I had other things, but it was the cock- 
 tail one German cocktail that made all 
 the trouble. That's why I call it the drink 
 cure. The man who tackles one of those 
 every night will either stop or else they'll 
 carry him away with a floral monkey on top 
 of the casket." 
 
 "The cocktail is an enemy to normal 
 civilization," said Doc', leaning back in 
 his chair and assuming the manner of a 
 lecturer in a college of law. "It is a con- 
 vivial little devil, prompting us to take what 
 we do not need. 
 
 "Half the people nowadays are not satis- 
 
120 DOC HORNE 
 
 fied with simple and plain food. A man 
 has to hit his stomach with a fiery cocktail 
 before he can eat a bite. Then he sits down 
 and begins putting mustard, horseradish, 
 chili sauce, pepper and other stuff on his 
 meat before it has the right sting. Is it 
 any wonder that he gets his system into such 
 a condition that an oyster cracker has no 
 more taste than a paper wad? Why, you'll 
 see a man put a drop of tabasco sauce on 
 each cracker so that he will know the 
 cracker is there. The tabasco sauce helps 
 him to locate it." 
 
 "That's no lie," said the lush, for he 
 was addicted to the habit of eating loaded 
 crackers. 
 
 "My old home in Pennsylvania was three 
 miles from the schoolhouse, " said Doc'. 
 "I used to walk it every morning and carry 
 my books and a little basket of lunch. 
 Sometimes it would be colder than Green- 
 land's icy mountains, but I'd put on my 
 yarn mittens and wrap my comforter around 
 my head, and go the whole three miles on a 
 dog-trot yes, sir. By the time we got our 
 noon recess I was ready to eat everything in 
 that basket, even if it were cold bread and 
 butter and doughnuts. Then when school 
 
LECTURE ON COCKTAIL 121 
 
 was over, you'd see me tramping down that 
 long lane, kicking up the snow perfectly 
 contented, you know. I didn't need any 
 cable cars to haul me around. 
 
 "I'd get home about dusk and hurry out 
 to help with the chores. We'd have to feed 
 the stock and put down some hay and milk 
 the cows, and then I'd get in my wood. 
 
 NO CABLE CARS. 
 
 Before I'd get through it would be dark. 
 I'd come into the house, and there would be 
 my mother in the kitchen, standing in front 
 of our old cast-iron stove, her sleeves rolled 
 up, stirring a pot of mush. She'd always 
 order me out of the kitchen, but I'd stay, 
 just the same. A hungry boy always likes 
 to see the supper cooked." 
 
 "That's so," said the dentist, with a sigh. 
 
122 DOC HORNE 
 
 "Well, sir, that mush would boil and 
 sputter so that mother would have to stand 
 off at arm's length when she stirred it, and 
 how that old stove would roar and get red 
 in the face ! Wouldn't have any light in the 
 room except one candle and what came 
 through the cracks in the stove. I can 
 remember just as well how she used to 
 swing that pot off of the stove and pour the 
 hot mush into a big I don't know what you 
 call it a deep dish with blue stripes around 
 it. Then while the mush was cooling, she'd 
 get a pitcher of milk and it was milk, too. ' ' 
 
 "I'll bet it was," said the lightning den- 
 tist, warmly. 
 
 "Gentlemen, I have eaten famous dinners 
 in my day. I've eaten dinners at which the 
 smallest course meant a dollar of some- 
 body's money, but do you think I enjoyed 
 them as I did that mush and milk at home? 
 No, sir! and I didn't have to go out and 
 drink any Manhattan cocktails to get up an 
 appetite either. I had my appetite ready." 
 
 "And you had it with you," suggested the 
 lush. 
 
 "I had it with me. I suppose that some- 
 where in this world there is mush and milk 
 just as good as mother prepared it, but I 
 
LECTURE ON COCKTAIL 123 
 
 can't find it. But, as I say, gentlemen, 
 maybe I'm to blame more than the mush or 
 milk is. You take any kind of stomach and 
 let it go against bad hotels and queer 
 restaurants for a period of years and it may 
 become a little discouraged. ' ' 
 
 "That settles it, Doc'," said the lush. 
 "You've converted me. I believe I'll order 
 some mush and milk. " 
 
 "Be careful," said the dentist; "it may 
 poison )^ou. " 
 
 "I believe it would. Well, I'll compro- 
 mise by going into .Steve's and getting a 
 milk punch, ' ' 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 
 ONE OBJECTION TO MISS MILBURY 
 
 After the dentist had called at the Milbury 
 flat three times and had taken Miss Letitia 
 Milbury to the theater once, he made a suc- 
 cessful effort to have Doc' Home invited to 
 dinner. The dentist 
 was more fond of 
 Miss Milbury every 
 time they met. He 
 was supremely con- 
 fident that Doc' 
 would like her, for 
 she was in the bloom 
 of what he judged 
 to be twenty-two and 
 had no shortcoming's 
 of any kind. In re- 
 gard to size, she was 
 nor too small. He 
 had described her to Doc' as "a plump 
 figure." It seemed to him that her hair was 
 brown certainly it was combed in a most 
 bewitching fashion. She talked readily, 
 124 
 
 LETITIA. 
 
 neither too large 
 
ONE OBJECTION 125 
 
 and sympathized with him in all opinions he 
 had ever expressed to her. She could play 
 the piano and sing. 
 
 Her mother had been mentioned to Doc' 
 as a "fine old girl." The dentist antici- 
 pated no difficulty in falling deeply in love 
 with Miss Letitia Milbury. Before doing 
 so, he wished to keep his agreement with 
 Doc' Home. But he had no fears. He 
 knew that his elderly friend would indorse 
 the peerless creature. Could any one help 
 liking her? 
 
 If the dentist had been candid with him- 
 self he would have admitted that his true 
 reason for wishing to have Doc' invited to 
 dinner was quite selfish. He wished to 
 exhibit Miss Milbury as a prospective pos- 
 session. He believed that Doc' would be 
 surprised and impressed, perhaps made a 
 trifle envious. 
 
 He secured the invitation for Doc' by the 
 most shameless lobbying. He repeatedly 
 said to Miss Milbury: "I have a friend, Doc' 
 Home, down at the hotel, that I'm sure you 
 and your mother would like to know." 
 
 When Miss Milbury invited the dentist to 
 come to the flat for dinner he said, in pursu- 
 ance of his set policy; "Yes, indeed, I'll 
 
126 DOC' HORNE 
 
 come, and sometime or other, when I'm 
 coming out here to dinner, or any other 
 time, I want to bring Doc' Home with me 
 you know, my friend I've spoken about so 
 often." 
 
 Then Miss Milbury said, with exclamatory 
 eagerness : "Why, bring him out this time ! ' ' 
 
 The dentist said that he couldn't possibly 
 think of it, especially after he had said what 
 he had. It looked too much as if- but 
 some time or other he would bring Doc' out 
 to the flat, knowing that both Miss Milbury 
 and her mother would like him, because he 
 was a very superior gentleman. 
 
 "Why wait?" asked Miss Milbury. 
 "Bring him this time. That will make 
 just four." 
 
 Thus overthrown by her persuasions, the 
 dentist agreed to have Doc' at the flat on 
 the following Thursday evening. 
 
 Doc' was rather taken by surprise when 
 told, in the most summary manner, that he 
 was to be and appear at the Milbury 
 flat. 
 
 "My dear sir, are you attempting to bring 
 me back to all that I forswore many. years 
 ago?" asked Doc', taking hold of the den- 
 tist's arm, which was a most friend-like 
 
ONE OBJECTION 127 
 
 manifestation for him. "Are you going to 
 start me to dining out again?" 
 
 "Oh, but this once, Doc', you must 
 come," said the dentist. "I've promised 
 them." 
 
 "Well, if I do accept, it will be making an 
 exception to the rule," he said. "Every 
 day or two I meet on the street here some 
 man I used to know in New York, or Harris- 
 burg, or Richmond, or some other place, and 
 it's always the same thing 'Home, when 
 can you come out and take dinner with me?' 
 If I started in to accept these invitations I'd 
 be laid up with the gout in three months' 
 time. Besides, I stopped drinking cham- 
 pagne ) 7 ears ago, and if I went with these 
 men it would be that or nothing. So, for 
 various reasons, I invariably beg off." 
 
 The dentist assured him that the Mil- 
 burys would not urge him to drink cham- 
 pagne. 
 
 "Thursday evening Thursday evening 
 let me see. No, I haven't any conflicting 
 engagements. You say there'll be only the 
 four of us?" 
 
 "Only four, Doc', and I know you'll like 
 them, because they're fine people." 
 
 So it was settled that Doc' would go. 
 
128 DOC' HORNE 
 
 Then, as luck would have it, he and the 
 dentist had to run the gauntlet as they came 
 out of the hotel at six o'clock on Thursday 
 evening, for the lush and the freckled boy 
 and a dozen weary transients were sitting 
 outside the front door, and they stared with 
 surprise at the dentist's waistcoat, which was 
 cream-colored, and his cravat, which was 
 blue, and. his saddle-colored shoes, which 
 had a coppery polish. As for Doc', his 
 familiar black suit had been thoroughly 
 brushed, and the white lawn tie put a dash 
 of the clerical into his appearance. 
 
 "Look, look!" whispered the freckled 
 boy, as the two approached, and he 
 nudged the lush. "Wouldn't that more'n 
 jolt you?" 
 
 "Good evening, gentlemen," said Doc', 
 with the least inclination of the head. The 
 dentist adjusted his cravat and looked 
 straight ahead, trying to be unconscious. 
 He seemed to be in a hurry. 
 
 "Give the girls my regards," said the 
 lush, as the two passed him. "Um-m-m! 
 Smell the perfumery. What is it, orange 
 bitters?" 
 
 The dentist flushed, but made no response. 
 He had betrayed his secret, however. 
 
ONE OBJECTION 129 
 
 From that moment until the day he left 
 the hotel to be married, he was under scru- 
 tiny. 
 
 It seemed to the dentist that Doc' was a 
 bit restless and apprehensive for a man who 
 had known Richmond society before the 
 war, had done a great deal of dancing in 
 Philadelphia, had been on the stage for three 
 months at one time, had been challenged to 
 fight on account of a Memphis belle, and 
 had fascinated a Brazilian senorita without 
 one effort to be more attractive than usual. 
 Several times Doc' adjusted his cuffs and 
 the white lawn bow, wiped his palms with 
 the handkerchief and asked, without seem- 
 ing to remember that he had asked the ques- 
 tion before, "How long shall we remain 
 after dinner?" To which the dentist replied 
 that they would depart as soon as he (Doc') 
 was ready to go, but there probably would 
 be no inclination to hurry away, as the Mil- 
 burys were "fine people." 
 
 The dentist made allowance for the fact 
 that Doc' had been out of society for several 
 seasons, and was about to meet strangers. 
 He felt sure that at the proper time, with 
 the encouragement given by Miss Milbury 
 and her mother, Doc' would come to himself 
 
130 DOC HORNE 
 
 and appeal to the women as being all that 
 the dentist had promised. 
 
 For the first five minutes at the flat Doc' 
 sat speechless and mournful, listening, with 
 dull gaze, to the criticism of the play which 
 the dentist and Miss Milbury had attended. 
 Once or twice he sighed secretively and 
 acted as if he were about to turn and sit 
 sidewise in the chair, but on discovering 
 that he was being watched, he changed his 
 plans. The dentist was worried. Miss Mil- 
 bury had expected an immediate perform- 
 ance. 
 
 Doc's first effort at speech was in refer- 
 ence to a photograph on the mantel. 
 After looking at it for a full minute he 
 doubtfully broke a lull in the talk and asked, 
 "Will you be kind enough to tell me, Miss 
 Milbury, who the original of that photograph 
 is or was?" 
 
 "Oh, that? That's my uncle. " 
 
 "Is the name Flanders?" 
 
 "No Milbury." 
 
 "I thought at first it was my friend Flan- 
 ders who used to have a studio in Brooklyn. " 
 
 "No, that's Uncle Jim. He has a nursery 
 in Danville." 
 
 Doc' was not acquainted in Danville, so 
 
ONE OBJECTION 
 
 he fell out of the conversation, which 
 reverted to the subject of the drama, and 
 then Mrs. Milbury came in. She surprised 
 Doc', for she was 
 1 a r g e very large. 
 The dentist had told 
 of her cordiality, her 
 goodness of heart, 
 her ability to make 
 one "feel at home" as 
 soon as one sat down 
 beside her, but he 
 had not prepared 
 Doc' to meet a 
 woman of such 
 weight and girth, 
 and so he was un- MRS. MILBURY. 
 
 nerved at the moment of introduction and 
 mumbled his line, which he had rehearsed 
 to himself as follows: "Madam, I am both 
 charmed and delighted to make your ac- 
 quaintance." 
 
 At the table Doc' faced Mrs. Milbury, 
 and the dentist sat opposite the daughter. 
 A frightened servant, whom Mrs. Milbury 
 addressed as "Eliza," brought in the roast, 
 the vegetables, the light biscuit, and the 
 tea. During the meal the conversation 
 
132 DOC HORNE 
 
 back and forth revealed to Doc' that Mrs. 
 Milbury was a widow, that she had enough 
 property to supply an income, that she and 
 Letitia had come to Chicago from a town of 
 five thousand that Letitia might "take 
 music," and that they had found it rather 
 lonesome in the city at first, but lately they 
 had been meeting some "lovely people." 
 
 "Including my young friend here," said 
 Doc', with an unfolding gesture of the right 
 arm toward the dentist. 
 
 This was the first evidence that he was 
 regaining his powers. Probably the tea had 
 something to do with it. 
 
 After they had returned to the front room 
 and Mrs. Milbury had urged them to smoke, 
 and Doc' had found a comfortable chair, 
 Miss Milbury sang "Oh, Promise Me," with 
 the dentist turning the music. Mrs. Mil- 
 bury found a palm-leaf fan for Doc' and told 
 him that she always liked to see a man 
 enjoying his evening cigar. Thus, one 
 cheering influence after another helped to 
 make Doc' conversational. 
 
 Miss Milbury had been longing to go to 
 a summer resort, and this led Doc' to 
 observe that he hoped to spend a few weeks 
 at one of the northern lakes if he could 
 
ONE OBJECTION 133 
 
 arrange his business affairs so as to get 
 away from town. 
 
 "Are you fond of boating, Doctor?" 
 asked Mrs. Milbury. 
 
 * ' I am fond of all forms of outdoor sports, 
 Mrs. Milbury, especially .swimming," he 
 replied. "Atone time I considered myself 
 quite a swimmer, but I haven't swum a long 
 distance for let me see seventeen years 
 ago this summer. Yes, it was the year of 
 the presidential election. I'll tell you, I had 
 to let myself out that time. " 
 
 "On a bet?" asked the dentist. 
 
 "Oh, no no, sir, I wouldn't attempt any- 
 thing of the kind merely for a bet. No, I 
 had to catch a train." 
 
 "Why, how strange!" exclaimed Miss 
 Milbury. 
 
 "Wait until I tell you the circumstances 
 and you'll understand. Have you ever been 
 to Lake Plankinac? Beautiful place! I 
 used to go up there to rest and ride around 
 in the boats for a few days at a time. As I 
 told you, this was seventeen years ago. I 
 remember, because I had been doing some 
 confidential work during the presidential 
 campaign. I was at Plankinac and had 
 been there three days, and this happened 
 
134 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 on the afternoon when I was to start home. 
 The lake was about four miles long and two 
 miles wide. The hotel where I stopped was 
 toward the north end of the lake. There 
 was a railroad station there and another 
 
 "I HAD A NICE, LIGHT CEDAR BOAT." 
 
 station at the south end of the lake, three 
 miles away. I was to take a five o'clock train 
 for Milwaukee, where I was to meet a certain 
 gentleman and have a most important in- 
 terview with him. It was absolutely neces- 
 sary that I should catch this train. 
 
ONE OBJECTION 135 
 
 11 'About an hour before train-time I went 
 out to take a final row. I jumped into the 
 boat and pulled away toward the south end 
 of the lake. That was my usual ride down 
 to the south end of the lake and back. 
 Well, I had a nice, light cedar boat and I 
 was making fair speed I suppose a mile in 
 eight minutes or so, when all at once I 
 went crash ! into a piling that had been sunk 
 in a sandbar. The fishermen used to tie 
 to this piling and then drift away so as to 
 fish just off the bar. The piling stood just 
 above the water, and I tore a hole in that 
 cedar boat that you could have put your foot 
 through. 
 
 "I got the boat lifted and pulled it off, 
 and of course the water poured in so that 
 there was no hope of keeping afloat. I 
 jumped back into the stern, pulled off my 
 shoes and swung them around my neck, tied 
 together, and lowered myself into the water. 
 The boat was completely water-logged, and 
 I knew I couldn't use the oars, but I 
 thought I could swim along behind the boat 
 and push it .back to the hotel. I tried it, 
 but it was slow work, because a live breeze 
 had sprung up from the north and the waves 
 were rolling against me. I saw that it 
 
136 DOC' HORNE 
 
 would take me an hour or more to get back 
 to the hotel working that way, and I 
 remembered all at once that I had to catch 
 the five o'clock train. I was at least a mile 
 from shore, considerably over two miles 
 from the hotel, and a good long mile from 
 the railway station at the south end of the 
 lake. I saw that if I expected to reach the 
 shore at all in time to catch the train I would 
 have to make for the south end. I let the 
 boat swing around and started to swim 
 behind it, pushing it with the wind. I 
 made better headway, but it was pretty mean 
 work, because the boat was half-full of 
 water, and just as heavy as a drag. I knew 
 that the hotel people would recover the boat 
 all right, so I simply let it go, and I started 
 for the shore alone. I figured that I had no 
 time to waste if I wanted to catch that train, 
 so I swam with my long overhand sailor 
 stroke I've always found that I can make 
 better speed that way. The wind kept get- 
 ting higher, and for the last half mile or so 
 I was riding in the white caps. I want to 
 tell you, ladies, that even in a little lake, 
 four miles long, you can get up a pretty 
 good sea if you get the wind to coming 
 right. I didn't mind the waves, however, 
 
ONE OBJECTION 137 
 
 because they sort of helped me along. 
 When I was about a hundred yards from the 
 shore I heard the engine whistle for the 
 station at the north of the lake. I was 
 somewhat exhausted by that time, naturally 
 enough. I had often swum longer distances 
 than that, but never before had I attempted 
 to keep up such a speed. I could see the 
 train coming along through the woods, and 
 I made a final spurt." 
 
 "Did you ever!" observed Mrs. Milbury, 
 with an upward roll of the eyes. 
 
 "Just as I came out on the bank the train 
 stopped at the station, and 1 had to make a 
 run. I swung on the platform as the wheels 
 began to turn. I got on the train on the side 
 opposite the station, and, for that reason, 
 the people on the platform didn't see me. 
 
 "I sat out on the front end of the car until 
 the conductor came along, and then 
 explained my predicament to him. Luckily 
 he recognized me I had been over the road 
 two or three times with a party of gentle- 
 men in a private car and he put the bag- 
 gage car at my disposal so I could dry my 
 clothes. 
 
 "It was late in the evening when I arrived 
 in Milwaukee. I took a carriage up to my 
 
'3* 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 hotel, and when I walked in, the clerk gave 
 a yell and threw up both hands. You see, 
 the hotel people up at Plankinac had found 
 the boat, and they supposed, of course, that 
 I had been drowned, so they had tele- 
 graphed the news to Milwaukee and from 
 Milwaukee it had been sent all over the 
 country by the Asso- 
 ciated Press. I hurried 
 around to the newspa- 
 per offices to deny the 
 rumor. At one place 
 they had an obituary 
 notice about two col- 
 umns long already set 
 up. The funniest part 
 of it all was what the 
 THE OVERHAND STROKE, people up at Plankinac 
 said. They declared 
 
 that no man could have swum ashore in 
 such rough water, but the conductor told 
 his story and they had to give in." 
 
 "Well, I think it's perfectly wonderful 
 that you had the courage to strike out from 
 that boat and swim such a long distance," 
 said Miss Milbury. 
 
 "I wanted to catch that train, and I 
 caught it," said Doc'. 
 
ONE OBJECTION 139 
 
 Both the women were so interested in this 
 feat of swimming that Doc' had to tell them 
 of a high dive into the Cumberland River, 
 made as the result of a "dare" given him by 
 a Miss Durbin, of Tallahassee, distantly 
 related to Gen. Wade Hampton, of Louisi- 
 ana, and other stories. 
 
 While the good-nights were being said, 
 Doc' promised to call again. Miss Letitia 
 Milbury had whispered that Doc' was 
 "exceedingly interesting," and the dentist 
 was happy. 
 
 The ensuing conversation passed after 
 Doc' and the dentist had boarded the car. 
 
 "Well, Doc', she's a darned fine girl, 
 ain't she?" asked the dentist. 
 
 4 * Remarkable remarkable. ' ' 
 
 "Good looking, don't you think so?" 
 
 "Very very." 
 
 "It strikes me, too, that she has a good 
 even temper." 
 
 "I saw or heard nothing to induce me to 
 believe otherwise." 
 
 "And a lot of common sense. That's 
 what so few of them have now, Doc', is com- 
 mon sense." 
 
 "I dare say. The mother seems to be a 
 very superior person also." 
 
140 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "Yes, but she's so big! Gee! but she's 
 fat." 
 
 "You do not like large women?" 
 
 "Well, I don't positively dislike any 
 woman because she happens to be rather 
 stout, but I don't believe I could love a very 
 fat woman. I don't object to a plump one, 
 but I wouldn't care for one as fat as Mrs. 
 Milbury is." 
 
 'I'm very sorry to hear you say that." 
 
 "Sorry? Why so?" 
 
 "Because, my dear sir, the daughter, in 
 ten or fifteen years from now, will be fully 
 as large as the mother is at present. ' ' 
 
 "Good heavens! Why how do you 
 know?" 
 
 "I argue from the well-known laws of 
 heredity. Those two women are just alike 
 both in temperament and physical character- 
 istics. You can see that by merely looking 
 at them. " 
 
 "Oh, I don't know. There is a certain 
 family resemblance, to be sure, but no, I 
 can't see it." 
 
 "Naturally there is not a close resem- 
 blance, because one is twenty-two and the 
 other is probably forty-five, but what the 
 daughter is now, the mother was twenty 
 
ONE OBJECTION 141 
 
 years ago. I know that, because I looked 
 through the album while you and Miss Mil- 
 bury were at the piano, and there was a pic- 
 ture of the mother taken years ago, and it 
 might pass for a photograph of the daughter 
 to-day, only the mother was then slimmer 
 than the daughter is at the present time." 
 
 "Slimmer?" gasped the dentist. 
 
 "It's a fact. I hope I'm not meddlesome 
 in saying what I have, but it's only right 
 that you should know it. The young lady is 
 charming and, just at present, decidedly 
 attractive, but you may take my word for it, 
 in the course of a very few years she will be 
 stout quite stout possibly as large as her 
 mother." 
 
 "That settles it," said the dentist, in a 
 voice which sounded strangely hollow. 
 
 "I have observed hundreds of cases," 
 added Doc'. 
 
 The dentist could not trust himself to 
 speak. He alighted from the car and 
 walked over to the hotel in staring silence, 
 as if all hope were dead. 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 
 WAS IT BRIDGEMAN ? 
 
 On the night after the visit to the Mil- 
 bury flat the dentist was in hiding. Doc' 
 Home was sitting in front of the hotel with 
 the lush and a large, side -whiskered man, 
 lately arrived at the Alfalfa and known to 
 be a book-agent. These three were enjoy- 
 ing one of the first balmy evenings of the 
 delayed summer. 
 
 Doc' had been leaning back, dreamily 
 blowing rings of smoke, and the book-agent 
 had been attempting to recite a portion of 
 "Thanatopsis" to the lush, who claimed he 
 had never heard of William Cullen Bryant. 
 
 Suddenly Doc' straightened up in his 
 chair and looked most intently at a passing 
 man who carried a walking-stick and seemed 
 to be in a hurry. 
 
 "Well, I'll declare!" he exclaimed. 
 
 "What's the matter, Doc'?" asked the 
 lush. 
 
 Doc' continued to gaze at the pedestrian 
 until he turned the corner. 
 142 
 
WAS IT BRIDGEMAN? 
 
 "That's most extraordinary," he said; "I 
 could have sworn that was Bridgeman." 
 
 "Who's Bridgeman?" asked the book- 
 agent. 
 
 "Bridgeman was a friend of mine. I say 
 was because I suppose he's dead, but I 
 assure you, gentlemen, that the man who 
 walked by here was 
 so much like Bridge- 
 man that I felt sure 
 for a moment it was 
 he." 
 
 "Don't you know 
 whether your friend 
 is dead or alive?" 
 asked the book-agent. 
 
 "He disappeared 
 that's all we knew 
 about it." 
 
 "Ran away?" 
 
 "Well, the whole affair was a mystery. I 
 always believed in Bridgeman, and the 
 sheriff always maintained that he was loyal 
 to us, but there were others who claimed 
 that he sold us out. ' ' 
 
 "What was it politics?" 
 
 "No, indeed; something a great deal more 
 serious than that. We were after a gang of 
 
 "WELL, I'LL DECLARE!" 
 
144 DOC' HORNE 
 
 counterfeiters. Let's see that was thirty 
 years ago this summer. The way I came 
 to be drawn into it was that Jim Martin, 
 who was United States marshal, wrote me 
 to join him in a small town down in Ken- 
 tucky. He said he thought he could prom- 
 ise some excitement. I went down there, 
 not knowing what was up. After I arrived 
 I found that Jim had located a gang of 
 counterfeiters and wanted to get a few cool 
 and nervy men to help him make the 
 arrests. We had been out on several little 
 excursions together, and Jim knew me 
 pretty well. He said that as soon as he 
 found where the gang made its headquar- 
 ters he would send for me, because he knew 
 I didn't want to miss any fun." 
 
 Doc' stopped to relight his cigar, and 
 then he resumed: "When I got down to this 
 little station I found Jim and a deputy 
 named Hayes and the sheriff of that county 
 and Bridgeman. That made five of us in 
 all, and Jim said he would as soon have the 
 five as twenty ordinary men. It happened 
 that when I got there the counterfeiters had 
 cleared out. It was supposed that they 
 made occasional trips to the cities to dispose 
 of their goods. We waited around there a 
 
WAS IT BRIDGEMAN? 
 
 week before they came back. You see, we 
 
 were supposed to be a hunting party from 
 
 Cincinnati, and the house at which we 
 
 stopped was at least five or six miles from 
 
 the cabin where the counterfeiters worked, 
 
 so that we felt satisfied they hadn't taken 
 
 alarm. Bridgeman was detailed to watch 
 
 the cabin and report 
 
 if the gang came 
 
 back. I saw him 
 
 every day for a week 
 
 or more, and came to 
 
 have a high regard 
 
 for his courage and 
 
 shrewdness." 
 
 Doc' paused and 
 said: "That man who 
 passed here was won- 
 derfully like Bridge- 
 man. ' ' 
 
 "Would you know 
 him after such a long 
 time?" asked the book-agent. 
 
 "I never forget a face," replied Doc'. 
 
 "Well, what happened to Bridgeman?" 
 asked the lush. "That's what I want to 
 know." 
 
 "That's what I was about to tell you. On 
 
 HE RESEMBLED BRIDGEMAN. 
 
146 DOC HORNE 
 
 the eighth day, T think it was, Bridgeman 
 reported that all four members of the gang 
 had returned to the cabin. Jim determined 
 to make a raid on the place that night. The 
 cabin was in a deep ravine that ran down 
 toward a creek, and it was necessary to go 
 through heavy brush and up and down hills 
 to get to it, unless you knew the winding 
 path. Bridgeman knew the country, and 
 that's why he had been put to do the spying. 
 
 "We set out about dark and rode, one at 
 a time, to a point that had been agreed 
 upon, a clump of timber at a cross-roads. 
 Then it was decided to send Bridgeman 
 ahead to make sure for the last time that 
 the men were at the cabin. He was to ride 
 to the end of the roads and tie his horse and 
 then slip through the brush and see that 
 everything was clear. Then he was to come 
 back and notify us and we were to follow 
 him single file through the brush, and sur- 
 round the cabin before the inmates were 
 alarmed. You see, we didn't want to 
 descend on the cabin in force if there was 
 no one there but the woman. We wanted 
 to nab the whole crowd." 
 
 "Naturally," assented the book-agent. 
 
 "Well, we sent Bridgeman ahead and then 
 
WAS IT BRIDGEMAN? 147 
 
 we followed slowly after. It was getting 
 late and the night was dark and cloudy. I 
 was in a new country, but Jim and the 
 sheriff had been over the ground once or 
 twice before. I suppose we were about a 
 quarter of a mile away from the cabin when 
 we heard two shots. I said to Jim: 'Come 
 
 IT WAS GETTING LATE. 
 
 on; we're needed,' and we put the spurs to 
 the horses and dashed down the road. I 
 was the first one to reach the end of the 
 road where the path started. Instead of 
 jumping off my horse I simply guided him 
 to the opening in the brush and followed the 
 winding path as far as I could. Then I 
 
148 DOC' HORNE 
 
 jumped off and ran on foot. When I came 
 to the little clearing where the cabin was I 
 made a run for the door, kicked it open and 
 went into the house. Jim said afterward 
 that it was the most foolhardy act that he 
 had ever heard of. Well, the house was 
 empty. I went to the door and called to the 
 boys, who were tumbling down through the 
 brush, and they came running up. There 
 wasn't a soul around the place. We lighted 
 a candle and found some of the broken dies 
 and a few cooking utensils, but the counter- 
 feiters had escaped and taken everything of 
 value with them. Then we began to won- 
 der what had become of Bridgeman. We 
 shouted his name and we scoured the woods 
 for him, but he couldn't be found any- 
 where." 
 
 "And he was never found?" asked the 
 book-agent. 
 
 "Well, there's a question as to that. One 
 man claimed that he afterward met him, 
 face to face, in Louisville, and it was sup- 
 posed that his sister received letters from 
 him. This much is certain, though. He 
 was never seen in that part of the country 
 again, and most of the people believed that 
 he had been killed by the counterfeiters and 
 
WAS IT BRIDGEMAN? 149 
 
 his body buried in some lonely place or else 
 sunk in the creek. His horse returned home 
 next day." 
 
 "And you say some people didn't believe 
 he was dead?" 
 
 "Some people claimed that he sold out to 
 the counterfeiters and gave them warning of 
 an attack or else they couldn't have moved 
 out in such a hurry. It was claimed that the 
 gang had already cleared out before we started 
 out that night. Bridgeman fired a couple 
 of shots himself so as to make us believe 
 that he had been in a fight and then he rode 
 off with the gang, leaving us to scour 
 around the cabin while he and the others 
 were making time across the country. 
 That, as I say, was the theory and there are 
 some facts to support it, but I always 
 believed in Bridgeman. You can imagine 
 my surprise at seeing this man walk past 
 to-night. It was a wonderful resemblance, 
 making the usual allowance for the changes 
 of thirty years. ' ' 
 
 "Why didn't you speak to him?" asked the 
 lush. 
 
 "Well, if it really was Bridgeman, it 
 simply proves that he betrayed us that night 
 and escaped with the counterfeiters. Of 
 
150 DOC HORNE 
 
 course, if he did that, I wouldn't shake 
 hands with him any more than I'd take hold 
 of a snake. Bridgeman either turned 
 traitor or else he was killed." 
 
 "If he was killed this can't be the man," 
 suggested the lush. 
 
 "Evidently not." 
 
 "And if he wasn't killed, you don't want 
 anything to do with him," ventured the 
 book-agent. 
 
 "Come to think of it, I don't believe it 
 was Bridgeman," said Doc'. "Bridgeman 
 was taller than this fellow. ' ' 
 
CHAPTER XIV 
 
 DOC' IN WAR TIME 
 
 On the way from the restaurant to the 
 hotel, the dentist walked beside Doc' and 
 told his troubles. 
 
 "I don't know what to do, Doc'," he said. 
 "I got a note from Miss Milbury to-day, and 
 she wants me to call this evening. ' ' 
 
 "Well, why not call?" 
 
 "Because I don't want to go ahead and act 
 as if to tell the truth, after what you told 
 me the other night, I think it would be 
 better to call the whole thing off. ' ' 
 
 "My dear young friend! You may call on 
 a young lady with propriety, even if you 
 have no matrimonial intentions. I have 
 called on hundreds of women taken them 
 to parties, picnics, theaters, receptions and 
 so on, and yet I have managed to remain a 
 bachelor. ' ' 
 
 "Yes, but you're different. You can con- 
 trol yourself. I can't. From the minute I 
 met her, Doc', I thought there was more 
 151 
 
DOC' HORNE 
 
 than a possibility of it turning out all 
 right." 
 
 "So it may! If you prefer this young 
 
 "I HAVE MANAGED TO REMAIN A BACHELOR." 
 
 lady to any other you have met, go ahead ! 
 It is true that she will become stouter as 
 she grows older, but the accretion will be 
 gradual and probably you wouldn't notice " 
 "I would notice it." 
 
WAR TIME 153 
 
 "I'm rather sorry now that I told you 
 what I did, but I thought it was my duty." 
 
 "It broke me all up, Doc', but I don't 
 blame you. I'll go out there to-night, but I 
 hate to do it. I'll keep thinking of what 
 you told me. ' ' 
 
 He went into the hotel to prepare for his 
 call, and Doc' joined the evening group on 
 the sidewalk. There had been changes in 
 the company. Both the actor and the race- 
 track man had left the Alfalfa, one to join a 
 summer company playing under a tent, and 
 the other to try his fortunes at a Cincinnati 
 track. Among the new-comers were two 
 who pleased Doc'. One was the book-agent, 
 already mentioned, and the second was a 
 youth employed as a salesman in a bicycle 
 store. 
 
 The book-agent was a person to command 
 respect. He was large, and he had whis- 
 kers, and it is known that many a politician 
 has gone to congress and many a doctor has 
 built up a country practice with no other 
 qualifications than these two. The book- 
 agent wore a somewhat faded Prince Albert 
 coat, which supported his assumption of 
 learning and professional dignity. 
 
 The stringy side-whiskers were lightly 
 
154 DOC' HORNE 
 
 streaked with gray, and the growing bald- 
 ness was only half -concealed by a long wisp 
 of hair which was brought up from the side 
 and spread across the bare patch. The 
 book-agent spoke rather slowly, biting off 
 his words with the precision of a hardened 
 school teacher. During the first hour with 
 him one would be led to believe that he had 
 spent his life among the poets. His con- 
 versation was literally stuffed with gems of 
 verse. After a second or third meeting 
 with him it became apparent that he 
 repeated himself, calling up the same quota- 
 tion twice or thrice in the same week. The 
 lush, who was an observant person during 
 his lucid intervals, concluded, after three 
 weeks, that the book-agent had a limited 
 repertoire of verses and couplets which he 
 had learned from book prospectuses. This 
 conclusion was borne out by a study of the 
 agent's outfit which he carried with him. 
 He had a prospectus of the "Sweet Singers 
 of All Time," giving sample pages and illus- 
 trations, and the lush found, on looking 
 through it one day, that all the stray bits of 
 poetry which the learned book-agent casually 
 called to mind were in this condensed 
 volume. 
 
WAR TIME 155 
 
 Any one who has been importuned by a 
 book-agent will remember the set speech, 
 the eulogium on the calf binding-, and the 
 reading of chance passages as the leaves are 
 turned. By repetition the book-agent had 
 memorized the poetry, and he used it con- 
 stantly to embellish his conversation. 
 
 Therefore, at a first meeting the book- 
 agent made a profound impression. A 
 Johnsonian figure of a man, who enriched 
 his talk with extracts from the poets of all 
 ages he rather awed Doc'. 
 
 Besides, he was so conscious of his own 
 learning. He smiled indulgently on the 
 bicycle salesman, even as he quoted Shakes- 
 peare, and all his intercourse was marked by 
 a calm and thoughtful politeness. He had 
 the habit of patting and rubbing himself in 
 front as if to quiet the seething emotions of 
 his soul. 
 
 The bicycle salesman was a gaunt young 
 man with a surplus of hair, which seemed to 
 be especially luxuriant on the back of his 
 head. He wore a cap at least a size too 
 small, so that the effect of the hair-burst j ust 
 below the cap was something fantastic and 
 yet greatly to be desired by those who ride 
 the wheel. 
 
156 DOC' HORNE 
 
 His head appeared to be peculiarly 
 elongated because of the mat of hair behind. 
 
 Doc' soon perceived that the bicycle 
 youth was an excellent listener of responsive 
 temperament, and he rather liked him. 
 
 Lush and the freckled boy were in a dis- 
 pute as Doc' seated himself. It was a 
 pleasant summer evening. The book-agent 
 had his vest widely unbuttoned and was 
 gazing with surprise and reproach at the two 
 disputants. 
 
 Doc' sat and listened for several moments 
 before he could determine the subject under 
 debate. This is what it proved to be : 
 
 Which was the greater general, Grant or 
 Lee? 
 
 No one can ever tell how these hotel con- 
 troversies begin, and no one ever saw one of 
 them arrive at any conclusion. 
 
 The lush was defending the militarj^ 
 reputation of Grant. Not that he knew 
 very much about Grant or had any decided 
 opinion as to his military genius, but 
 because the freckled boy had said some- 
 thing in favor of Lee. 
 
 "If Lee had only had as many soldiers as 
 Grant, had there wouldn't have been a thing 
 to it," said the freckled boy. "He'd 'a' 
 
WAR TIME 157 
 
 give Grant a horrible finish. Don't tell me 
 no different." 
 
 "What was your regiment?" asked the 
 lush. 
 
 "Well, I come about as near fightin' as 
 you did. ' ' 
 
 "I'll tell you just how much you know 
 about Lee. You saw his picture on a cigar 
 box somewhere. What's his first name?" 
 
 "Robert E. Lee." 
 
 "That's right! That's the name of the 
 cigar the Robert E. Lee cigar. I knew 
 that's where you got the name." 
 
 "I s'pose I don't know nothin' about the 
 siege of Richmond?" 
 
 "Who won out there?" 
 
 "Why shouldn't he win out when he had 
 four times as many soldiers?" 
 
 "Who's that Lee?" 
 
 "No, it wasn't Lee." 
 
 "Well, who was it came out ahead?" 
 
 "Well, I s'pose every one knows that 
 Grant finally captured Richmond. ' ' 
 
 "That doesn't prove anything, though, 
 does it? I guess that was an accident. 
 Things just happened to come his way. He 
 didn't know a thing. " 
 
 "But he had the soldiers." 
 
158 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "Well, that's where he was smooth. Why 
 didn't Lee get some soldiers and have them 
 there?" 
 
 "He couldn't get them." 
 
 "Well, I don't think much of a general 
 who can't get soldiers when he needs them. 
 That's part of the business having your 
 men there. ' ' 
 
 "What do the books say?" 
 
 "What books?" 
 
 "W'y, the histories. They say it was 
 great the way Lee stood off Grant. It was 
 a toss-up there for a while, and if anything 
 Lee had a shade the best of it." 
 
 "But Lee finally surrendered." 
 
 "Yes I s'pose so." 
 
 "And that proves that Grant was a poor 
 general, does it?" 
 
 "Here! would you expect a welter-weight 
 to lick a man that weighed one-seventy?" 
 
 "I'm talking about generals not prize- 
 fighters." 
 
 "I'll leave it to Doc'," said the freckled 
 boy. 
 
 "Really, gentlemen, I don't care to 
 express a preference," said Doc', with a 
 bland smile. "Each was a military genius 
 in his way. I met both of them General 
 
WAR TIME 159 
 
 Lee before the war and General Grant dur- 
 ing the campaign of 1868. I admire them, 
 not only as soldiers, but as American gentle- 
 men, and feel that it would hardly be proper 
 to enter into any dispute as to their relative 
 merits. ' ' 
 
 The book-agent sighed and repeated, 
 softly : 
 
 "The union of lakes, the union of lands, 
 The union of states none can sever ; 
 The union of hearts, the union of hands, 
 And the flag of our union forever!" 
 
 "Just the same, Lee was a great general," 
 said the freckled boy. 
 
 "Did you enter the service when grim- 
 visaged war reared its awful front?" asked 
 the book-agent, looking at Doc'. 
 
 ' ' Not as a soldier no. That is, not as an 
 ordinary soldier. Was I in the service? 
 Yes, and no. I was often at the front, and 
 I had a certain connection with the war 
 department, but I was not a soldier in the 
 common acceptance of the term. I held a 
 position of a quasi-military character, you 
 might say. My exact standing with the 
 secretary of war and the importance of my 
 errands on several occasions were known to 
 but few people. I did not figure as a repre- 
 
160 DOC' HORNE 
 
 sentative of the government, and I doubt if 
 you will find my name mentioned anywhere 
 in the records. It may be in there, but I 
 doubt it. Stanton was always very careful 
 about those things." 
 
 "Stanton?" asked the bicycle youth. 
 
 "Edwin M. Stanton secretary of war," 
 explained the book-agent. 
 
 "A certain official said to me once: 
 4 Home, I want you to go and arrange this 
 matter for me, and I don't want any one to 
 ever know anything about it, outside of we 
 three.' The third person to whom he 
 referred was a general a western man." 
 
 "Well, did you arrange it?" asked the 
 bicycle salesman. 
 
 "If I were at liberty to tell you the name 
 of the general, you'd know how well I 
 arranged it. My visit to the general marked 
 the turning-point of one of the most impor- 
 tant campaigns of the war. The department 
 wanted to give this general some advice 
 which was not to be a matter of record. If 
 you've ever had anything to do with the 
 government service, you know quite well 
 that some messages are too important and 
 confidential to be submitted to writing. 
 After I had concluded my business, this 
 
WAR TIME 161 
 
 general and you'd know his name in a 
 minute if I mentioned it this general said 
 tome: 'Home, what's your private opinion 
 of this whole business?' He wanted it, 
 and I gave it to him. I agreed with Stanton 
 on the main proposition, but I had my own 
 opinion as to how the thing ought to be put 
 into effect. We sat up for two or three 
 hours talking it over, and I could see that he 
 was impressed by my suggestions, although 
 he didn't say very much. Well, sir, I 
 started back to Washington, under the cover 
 of darkness, but from that day the details of 
 the campaign were along the lines which I 
 had laid down in our private conference. I 
 don't say it boastingly, gentlemen, but 
 merely to prove what I have said time and 
 again, that very often a general is credited 
 with some coup, the inspiration for which is 
 provided by a man behind the scenes some 
 one who never figures in history." 
 
 "What excuse could you give for running 
 around the country and following up the 
 armies?" asked the bicycle salesman. 
 
 "I was ostensibly a commercial traveler 
 trying to sell goods to sutlers and other 
 dealers near the large camps. That gave 
 me a good excuse for visiting the front at 
 
162 DOC' HORNE 
 
 any time. Nearly all the people who met 
 me supposed I was a traveling salesman and 
 nothing more. If you were to meet one of 
 the subordinate officers whom I knew about 
 that time and ask him, 'Was Cal Home con- 
 nected with the war department?' he'd say, 
 'No; Home was the fellow who used to 
 come around with supplies for the sutlers.' 
 I wasn't telling my business to every Tom, 
 Dick and Harry." 
 
CHAPTER XV 
 
 WOMAN, BY THE FRECKLED BOY 
 
 Miss Letitia Milbury and her mother went 
 into the country for a month, and the den- 
 tist said that all was 
 for the best. He was 
 sorry that he had met 
 Miss Milbury and 
 more sorry still that 
 he had taken Doc' 
 Home to call on her. 
 More than once he 
 wondered if it could 
 be true that Miss Mil- 
 bury would be as 
 large as her mother. 
 It seemed to him 
 that he could recall 
 having met many 
 slim women each of 
 whom had a stout 
 mother. He won- 
 dered if Mr. Milbury 
 had been a heavy AT THE CONCERT GARDEN. 
 163 
 
164 DOC' HORNE 
 
 man. And more than once he wondered if 
 Doc's confident theory as to hereditary stout- 
 ness could be accepted. This was a mourn- 
 ful period for the dentist Since Miss Mil- 
 bury was not for him, he was glad that she 
 had gone from the city. 
 
 The first sign of his recovery came at 
 about the time of his meeting with Miss 
 Laura Tupham at a concert garden on the 
 north side. 
 
 "I went out to a German garden last night 
 with a friend of mine, in the leather busi- 
 ness, and we ran into a lot of his friends, ' ' 
 he reported to Doc'. "I met one girl that 
 was fine. Her name is Tupham Laura 
 Tupham." 
 
 "My mother had some distant relatives by 
 the name of Tupham," said Doc'. "One of 
 the Tuphams is said to have given Cornelius 
 Vanderbilt his start in life." 
 
 "I don't know where this girl comes from, 
 but she's all right. She's going to be out 
 at the garden again next week, and I've 
 promised to be there. By the way, her 
 mother was with her. She's a mighty well- 
 preserved woman, Doc'. You wouldn't take 
 her to be more than ten years older than 
 this girl. ' ' 
 
" WOMAN " 165 
 
 Doc' turned and looked at him, rather 
 puzzled. 
 
 ''I'm afraid you are attaching too much 
 importance to our conversation the other 
 evening," he said. 
 
 "Oh, no, I understand," with a forced 
 smile. "It isn't true in all cases. But I 
 just thought I'd tell you." 
 
 The lush came out and joined them, so 
 they were silent. 
 
 "Such a fine piece of scandal," said the 
 lush. "You wouldn't guess it in a thousand 
 years. You know the book-agent? Well, 
 he's a divorced man." 
 
 "Divorced! Is that so?" asked the den- 
 tist. It seemed to him at that moment that 
 the whole world was in a conspiracy to block 
 his purpose and frighten him away from 
 matrimony. 
 
 "Yes, I believe she got her papers since 
 he came here to live. He's been worried a 
 good deal for fear it would get into the 
 papers, but it seems to be all right." 
 
 "Did he tell you about it?" asked Doc'. 
 
 "Yes; you know, he's inclined to be pious, 
 and he cornered me yesterday and gave me 
 a little argument on the liquor proposition. 
 I told him I had to drink now and then to 
 
166 DOC' HORNE 
 
 drown my sorrows, and then he tried to 
 convince me that he had had more trouble 
 than I ever dreamed of, and still got 
 through it without taking a drink." 
 
 "Who's that?" demanded the freckled 
 boy, who had come up unobserved, as 
 usual. 
 
 Doc' frowned in annoyance. 
 
 "The book-agent," replied the lush. 
 "After he started in he gave me the whole 
 story. It seems that, he married her two 
 years ago, for her money. He didn't say 
 so, but he showed me her picture, and then 
 I knew. Our friend with the whiskers was 
 number three. He met her at a meeting of 
 the Society for the Umptification of Some- 
 thing or-other and thought it was a good 
 thing, so he grabbed it. He went out to 
 her house to live, and from the hard-luck 
 story he told me, why, his life must have 
 been one long picnic. She's a vegetarian, 
 and wouldn't let him eat meat. Then she 
 made him wear a kind of health underwear 
 that gave him the hives. He says that she 
 made him sit up all one night and rub her 
 back with liniment, and no matter where he 
 rubbed she'd say it wasn't the right place. 
 You ought to have heard him. Why, he 
 
WOMAN " 167 
 
 nearly cried when he told me about it. I 
 figured that she married him so as to have 
 something- to experiment on. She was 
 nearly everything a spiritualist, a vege- 
 tarian, a suffragist, a faith cure, a health 
 underwear, theosophist, " 
 
 "What's that?" asked the freckled boy. 
 
 "She thinks this isn't her first time on 
 earth," said the lush. 
 
 "Rats!" 
 
 "From what he told me, I'd just as soon 
 be married to a Bengal tiger. Darned if I 
 didn't feel sorry for him. He said that at 
 the time he left her place he got some of her 
 handkerchiefs into his grip by mistake, and 
 she had him arrested for stealing. What do 
 you think of that?" 
 
 "A man's a chump for gettin' married," 
 said the freckled boy, gravely. 
 
 "When she applied for her divorce she 
 charged him with cruelty, desertion, harsh 
 and abusive language, and failure to pro- 
 vide. He was telling me that he was abso- 
 lutely innocent, and that he didn't leave her 
 house until she made it so hot for him that 
 he couldn't stand it another day." 
 
 "Is she a good-looker?" asked the freckled 
 boy. 
 
1 68 DOC HORNE 
 
 "She's a sight. I'd like to know why in 
 the world he ever married her." 
 
 "I s'pose the book graft was slow," said 
 the freckled boy. "She's got some coin, 
 ain't she?" 
 
 "She's got money now that she had before 
 the war. He says that he nearly starved to 
 death while he was living with her. Vege- 
 tarian, you know. Oatmeal and prunes for 
 breakfast, brown bread and potatoes for 
 dinner. You ought to get him to tell you 
 about it. ' ' 
 
 "Do you know what I'd do if I had that 
 kind of a wife?" asked the freckled boy. "I 
 don't believe in bein' rough with a lady as 
 long as she is one, but if she'd ever try any 
 o' that funny work with me, I'd call her 
 down if I had to swing on her. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, well, 1 don't know," remarked the 
 lush. "It isn't a very proper thing to do 
 to slug a perfect lady. I'd simply go ahead 
 and run the house in my own way and pay 
 no attention to anything she said. You see, 
 after a woman talks herself black in the 
 face without getting an argument, she has to 
 stop." 
 
 "It's too bad that our friend did not con- 
 fer with you gentlemen before he left his 
 
WOMAN " 169 
 
 wife," said Doc', with a half-restrained 
 smile. "You know how to manage women 
 and could have given him some valuable 
 advice. " 
 
 "Well, I've never been married, but I've 
 always known one thing," said the dentist. 
 "A man has got to assert his independence 
 in his own house. If he lets his wife think 
 she can order him around and treat him 
 like a schoolboy, he might as well give up all 
 hope of having any liberty of his own. I 
 don't say that a man ought to be harsh 
 with a woman, but he ought to give her to 
 understand that he can come and go once 
 in a while without asking her permission. ' ' 
 
 "That's right," said the lush. "If this 
 book-agent friend of ours had gone out and 
 got drunk the night he married the old girl, 
 and then come home and chased her around 
 the house with a hatchet, she'd have had 
 some respect for him. I knew a man once 
 who chased his wife with a hatchet at least 
 once a month. He loved her all right, and 
 wouldn't have harmed her for anything in 
 the world, but he claimed that he had to 
 make this hatchet demonstration at least 
 once a month in order to maintain his rights. 
 After every outbreak she'd be pleasant and 
 
170 DOC HORNE 
 
 attentive for several weeks. Then her 
 respect for his rights would begin to weaken, 
 and he would have to get out his hatchet 
 again." 
 
 In concluding he winked at the dentist. 
 
 "Seriously speaking, I don't believe a 
 woman has much regard for a man who 
 allows himself to be tied to her apron 
 strings, ' ' said the dentist. 
 
 **W'y, of course not!" exclaimed the 
 freckled boy, with an indifferent gesture, to 
 show that he was an expert. "I'll win out 
 a girl in ten minutes where one o' them 
 easy, polite guys wouldn't make a showin' 
 in an hour. You've got to be a little rough 
 with 'em if you want to get along. Chop 
 all this business of writin* notes an 1 prom- 
 isin' to be good. Promise nothin'! You 
 head the combination yourself, understand? 
 If you don't, you'll be runnin' errands for 
 her, an' some other geezer won't do a thing 
 but pull the handle an' let you through the 
 chute. That's right. The minute one of 
 'em thinks she's got you dead, that spoils 
 her. You've got to ring 'er up every 
 twenty minutes an' square yourself. But 
 when you keep 'er guessin', then she does 
 the ringin' up. 
 
"WOMAN" 171 
 
 "I've got a brother that don't know a 
 thing about them fairies. He won't stand 
 for none o' this lady-friend business. When 
 one of 'em gives him the saucy eye an' be- 
 gins to pick things off o' his coat, he up and 
 barks at her an' scares her to death. 
 
 "There's none of 'em can cut saucy capers 
 with that boy. He has his way or the lights 
 go out that's all there is to it. When he. 
 cops out a shirt-waist and puts it on a trolley 
 car he says: 'Now you're with me, an' not 
 me with you. Start nothin', and if any 
 argument comes up, you out of the way!' 
 That's right, too; make 'em know their 
 place. 
 
 "An' don't let 'em kid you. If one of .'em 
 gets to thinkin' she's a kidder, that swells 
 her all out o' shape, an' it takes many a jolt 
 to make her behave. I was up at a dance 
 one night an' I met a tall party that thought 
 she was old stringer No. i. She had a lot 
 o' moldy ones left over from last year's ten- 
 twent'-and-thirt', an' she kept shootin' 'em 
 in there an' gettin' puffed up till her cloze 
 didn't fit her. If there's anything makes 
 me sore it's to have one o' them laundry 
 queens try to sew buttons on me. Purty 
 soon I says: 'Gertie, you're lively company 
 
172 DOC' HORNE 
 
 an' a very neat josher, but you don't last, so 
 I think I'll have to put a tag on you. I 
 don't want you to get mad at nothin' I say 
 to you, becuz I can see that you belong with 
 the best, an' besides we're all good fellows 
 here together. At the same time, Gertie, I 
 must say that before you try to pump the 
 hot air you ought to oil up. Now, I'll tell 
 you what I'm goin' to do with you. You're 
 gettin' too swift an' reckless an' you may 
 run somethin' down, so I'm goin' to send 
 you out to a blacksmith shop an' have a fen- 
 der put on you. ' She come back with the 
 best she had, an' when she got through, I 
 says: 'If you've finished, Gertie, you might 
 as well blow. There ain't nothin' doin' for 
 you over in this corner. An' never come to 
 one o' these dances till you get a dress that 
 fits you. You're a sight!' 
 
 "Well, say, she was wild. This was a 
 new game for her. She'd had a lot o' them 
 cigarette children over in the corner, makin' 
 goo-goo eyes at 'em an' talkin' 'em to a 
 standstill, an' just about the time when she 
 thought she was good enough to travel in 
 any class she bumped into me an' got a 
 crimp that'll last her for many's the day. 
 
 "But here's what I started out to tell you: 
 
" WOMAN " 173 
 
 After I'd roasted her do you think she quit 
 me an' went back to little Horace with the 
 hair and Ernest with the red necktie? I 
 should sa-a-y not ! She followed me across 
 the floor, an' just as I was moppin' in a 
 scuttle o' beer about a foot high I feel some- 
 body give me a punch in the back, an' when 
 I turns around here's the tall party. She 
 says, 'I think you're just as mean as you can 
 be!' oh, fine an' sassy! 'Don't follow me,' I 
 says. 'I'm tired o' lookin' at you. I've got 
 a swell dame here from the south side, an* 
 if she ever sees me talkin' to you I won't get 
 another piece o' jewelry in six months. 
 Now duck! Go back to them chewin'-gum 
 Willies. You can make good with them, 
 but you don't stand one-two-seventeen with 
 me. I don't like your shape, for one thing. 
 You're gettin' round-shouldered. What you 
 been doin' all your life leanin' over a 
 fence?' 
 
 "Oh, say, I toasted her shameful, but 
 that's what she needed. An' the rougher I 
 shot it into her the closer she stuck to me. 
 She was mad, all right, but she didn't want 
 to quit. I'd see her standin' over talkin' to 
 some guy, an' the minute she'd see me, 
 that'd rattle her. Then I'd give her the 
 
DOC HORNE 
 
 quiet laugh an' over she'd come. She'd 
 say: 'I never met any gentleman before 
 that said such awful things to me as you said 
 right here to-night.' Til tell you, Gert,' I 
 says, takin' hold of her mitt, 'that's becuz 
 you never met a true 
 friend before. ' Then 
 she wouldn't know 
 what to think. I had 
 her in the air, sure 
 enough. Just about 
 the time when she'd 
 think I was weakenin' 
 an' was goin' to take 
 it all back an' tell her 
 she was a nice girl, 
 I'd say: 'Well, run 
 along now. I've got 
 to go an' meet a 
 friend.' Then she'd 
 be sore again oh, 
 crazy! Never would 
 speak to the old 
 rowdy thing again never! But just the 
 same I knew I couldn't lose her. 
 
 4 'On the square, I got ashamed o' myself 
 after while. The girl was all right, mind 
 you, only she was just new that's all. 
 
 "A SHIRT-WAIST.' 
 
" WOMAN " 175 
 
 Before I got through with her, though, I 
 made a good fellow out of her. I made her 
 quit. That's what I done. I had her 
 clinchin' an' beggin' me to stop, and she 
 was the tamest thing you ever see. She 
 didn't have one funny crack left. I cer- 
 tainly put her out o' the stringin' business. 
 Then I says to her: 'You ain't mad, are 
 you, Gert?' She was so leary by that time 
 she didn't know what to say. With that I 
 jollied her a little an' says to her: 'As 
 soon as you've been around some more 
 you'll know how to take a joke.' Then 
 I danced with her a couple o' times an' 
 bought her somethin' to eat, an', say, she 
 couldn't see nobody else. Now, there's 
 a girl I may meet a thousand times, an' 
 it's like gettin' money from home that 
 she won't never try to kid me again. I 
 should say not. You've got to have 'em a 
 little afraid of you there ain't no use 
 talkin'. If you want 'em to behave you've 
 got to be a little rough now an' then." 
 
 "Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen!" said 
 Doc', nodding his head slowly. "Are we 
 at the end of the nineteenth century or do 
 we still live in caves and holes in the 
 ground? Have we become civilized or do 
 
176 DOC' HORNE 
 
 we still rule by fear? Is it possible that any 
 one in the semblance of a human being still 
 holds to the monstrous belief that the 
 creature put upon earth to be man's com- 
 panion and helpmate is deserving only of 
 his brutal persecutions? I wouldn't have 
 believed it, but I have sat here and listened 
 listened with shame, I must confess. I 
 thought we had got further away from 
 savagery. The aborigines held the very 
 theory which is advocated so eloquently by 
 my young friend here. I only hope that he 
 will live to blush for his words. Good 
 night, gentlemen!" 
 
 "What's the matter with him?" asked the 
 freckled boy, as Doc' entered the hotel. 
 "Did somebody say somethin'? He seems 
 to be sore." 
 
CHAPTER. XVI 
 
 THE LETTER FROM MISS MILBURY 
 
 On the evening appointed, the dentist 
 went to the German garden on the north 
 side to meet his friend in the leather busi- 
 ness, who had prom- 
 ised to be there with 
 Miss Laura Tupham 
 and others. This 
 time Miss Tupham 
 was not accompanied 
 by her mother, and 
 she seemed to enjoy 
 her liberty, for she 
 talked rapidly and 
 almost incessantly, 
 and the dentist sus- 
 pected that she want- 
 ed to flirt with him. 
 She showed her play- . 
 
 * * "IN THE LEATHER BUSINESS. 
 
 ful anger at the friend 
 
 in the leather business by urging the dentist 
 
 to move around and sit beside her, and she 
 
 even put her arm within his and said, "There 
 
 177 
 
178 DOC' HORNE 
 
 now!" this performance iin pressing the den- 
 tist as being rather bold, although not entirely 
 displeasing. He reflected that Miss Milbury 
 had never done anything of the kind, 
 although he had been with her at least six 
 times, and this was the second time he had 
 met Miss Tupham. He wondered if she 
 ever seized hold of other men, after meeting 
 them once or twice, and the more he won- 
 dered, the stronger became the conviction 
 that she was not to be Miss Milbury's suc- 
 cessor in his affections. 
 
 If he had any remaining doubt, it van- 
 ished when he saw the waiter put a glass of 
 beer in front of her. The dentist had 
 become accustomed to seeing both men and 
 women drink the forbidden cups, but he 
 had never overcome the belief that it was 
 sinful for them to do so. He drank some- 
 times, but always with a shame which he 
 could not fully conceal. He had been reared 
 in a community in Indiana which would have 
 closed all doors against any woman who 
 dared to drink beer in a place of public 
 entertainment. The other women of the 
 town would have persecuted her with end- 
 less denunciation. The dentist often told 
 himself that he had become "liberal" and 
 
THE LETTER 179 
 
 no longer judged people by the narrow 
 code of a fanatical village, and yet he was 
 shocked and made sorry when he saw that 
 Miss Tupham was to drink a glass of beer. 
 The question at once came to him, "What 
 would my relatives say of me and think of 
 me if I married a woman who drank 
 beer?" 
 
 To be sure, he drank with her and even 
 clinked glasses and laughed with the others, 
 but he knew that this would be the end of it, 
 so far as Miss Laura Tupham was con- 
 cerned. 
 
 The dentist was in the city, but not of it. 
 The Indiana part of him insisted that any 
 woman who drank a glass of beer in a pub- 
 lic garden thereby degraded herself. He 
 doubted if Miss Milbury would even visit 
 such a place. 
 
 He was quite unhappy as he rode back to 
 the hotel in the open car with his hat off, the 
 dusty breezes cooling his head. He found 
 Doc' Home, the married man, the lush, and 
 the book-agent sitting in a semicircle near 
 the Alfalfa doorway. 
 
 The high buildings to the west intercepted 
 the breeze and the street was packed with 
 a moist and stifling heat. Doc' had removed 
 
i8o DOC' HORNE 
 
 his collar and tucked a handkerchief inside 
 his neckband. 
 
 The book-agent's side- whiskers were 
 hanging limp and becalmed. He had 
 removed both coat and vest. Occasionally 
 he shifted the pale flowered suspenders and 
 patted himself and murmured, "Oh, 
 dear!" 
 
 The five sat for a while and weakly cursed 
 the temperature. 
 
 "Ah-h-h-h-h-h!" exclaimed the dentist in 
 admiration, for a long fork of lightning had 
 suddenly played across the wall of black 
 clouds to the north. While the members of 
 .the colony were still looking, a faint rumble 
 of thunder was heard, and a cooler puff of 
 air revived them. 
 
 "Feel that?" asked the dentist. "Were 
 going to have rain. " 
 
 "I wouldn't be surprised if we had some 
 lightning, too," said Doc' Home, squint- 
 ing at the clouds. 
 
 "I hope not," said the dentist. "I'm 
 afraid of lightning. ' ' 
 
 "There isn't much danger if you keep 
 away from the windows, ' ' said the lush. ' * If 
 a man sits in the window he's almost sure 
 to be struck by lightning. Best way's to 
 
THE LETTER 181 
 
 get in feathers non-conductor. Go get in 
 a feather bed and you're safe." 
 
 ''That's good advice," said the dentist. 
 "I don't suppose they've had a feather bed 
 in the Alfalfa for ten years." 
 
 "Speak to the old man and he'll send out 
 and get a feather bed for you," said the 
 lush. "Anything we haven't got we can 
 send out and get." 
 
 The book-agent, who had been watching 
 the flashes in the north, broke the silence 
 with a quotation: 
 
 "The sky is changed, and such a change! O night 
 And storm and darkness ! Ye are wondrous strong ; 
 Yet lovely in your strength, as is the light 
 Of a dark eye in woman ! Far along, 
 From peak to peak, the rattling crags among, 
 Leaps the live thunder." 
 
 "That's great," said the dentist, in a 
 whisper, after the book-agent had finished. 
 "Who wrote it?" 
 
 "Byron." 
 
 "He's the fellow you were telling me 
 about the other night." 
 
 "No; that was Bryant William Cullen 
 Bryant. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, I see. There are two of them." 
 
182 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "There are five or six poets altogether," 
 said the lush. 
 
 "I never was particularly afraid of light- 
 ning," said the book-agent, addressing Doc' 
 Home, so as to give a turn to the conversa- 
 tion. 
 
 "I never worry about it at all," said Doc'. 
 "I suppose that when 
 it comes my time to 
 go, they'll get me, no 
 matter where I am. 
 The possibility of 
 being struck by light- 
 ning never occurs to 
 me, although, as a 
 matter of fact, I 
 ought to be appre- 
 hensive, I suppose, 
 considering that I had 
 such a narrow escape 
 once. I was visiting 
 some of my relatives 
 down in Pennsylvania and had been out on a 
 long walk. A storm came up very suddenly 
 when I was at least a mile from the house. 
 I took refuge under a tall tree, and I had 
 barely done so when the tree was struck by 
 lightning. The lightning ran down the 
 
 THE BOOK-AGENT. 
 
THE LETTER 183 
 
 trunk and tore up the ground terribly. My 
 clothes were ripped down one side and the 
 shoe on that side it was the left shoe, I 
 think was scorched just as if it had been 
 put into the fire. I remember that the nails 
 in the heel were partly melted. Beyond 
 giving me a certain numbness for a while, 
 the stroke had no effect on me. I suppose 
 that's because " 
 
 Just then the cooling breeze came with 
 new strength and big raindrops began to 
 splash on the hot stones. 
 
 The members of the colony picked up 
 their chairs and ran into the hotel. When 
 the dentist went to get his key he found a 
 letter in the box and recognized the hand- 
 writing. The letter was from Miss Milbury ! 
 
 He went to his room and stood under the 
 gas jet to read what she had written. Quick 
 flashes of lightning illumined the blank 
 walls beyond his two windows. Peal after 
 peal of crashing thunder struck the build- 
 ing. The dentist had a fierce satisfaction in 
 listening to the storm as he read the letter. 
 He regarded the wild accompaniment as 
 an expression of the tumult that had been 
 raised in his own soul. 
 
 This is the letter: 
 
1 84 DOC HORNE 
 
 LAKE WAUTENON, July 24. 
 Dear Friend: 
 
 When mother and I first spoke to you of our being 
 at the lake this summer, you promised faithfully that 
 you would run out some Sunday and call on us. Per- 
 haps you have forgotten your promise, but you did 
 promise, and we really want you to come. The lake 
 is more beautiful this year than ever before, and there 
 were never so many nice people here from Milwau- 
 kee and Chicago and quite a number from the south. 
 We are at a cottage not far from the hotel. The 'bus 
 will meet you at the Wautenon station and bring you 
 to the hotel, and then any one can tell you the way. 
 If you are coming out on Saturday you had better 
 write or telegraph to the hotel for a room, as there is 
 a crowd here every Sunday. Mother and I really 
 hope you will come, because we know it must be 
 dreadful to be cooped up in the dusty and smoky 
 city, all through this hot weather. 
 
 We are living in a cottage with a family from our 
 old home. I am sure you would like them. 
 
 Let us know when you are coming, and please don't 
 disappoint us. Mother sends her regards and both 
 of us wish to be remembered to Mr. Home. Perhaps 
 you could induce him to come with you. Be sure 
 and come. 
 
 I am, yours sincerely, 
 
 LETITIA MILBURY. 
 
 Clearly it was not a love letter, and yet it 
 was full of meaning for the dentist, who 
 walked back and forth in his room, gazing 
 at the floor and pursing his lips. Acting on 
 
THE LETTER 185 
 
 a sudden impulse, he bolted into the hallway 
 and went direct to Doc' Home's room. 
 Doc' had removed his outer garments and 
 was sitting in the window, cooling off. 
 
 "Doc', I'm in the devil of a fix," said the 
 dentist, as he frowned and twisted his 
 mustache. 
 
 "What in the world's the matter now?" 
 
 "I've got a letter from Miss Milbury, and 
 she wants me to come out to the lake and 
 visit them. It seems that I promised them 
 I would. I don't remember it, but I sup- 
 pose I did." 
 
 "Are you going?" 
 
 'I hadn't ought to go, Doc'. You know 
 that. I hadn't ought to. If you're not 
 going to do a thing it isn't right to well, to 
 pretend that you are. I don't want to mis- 
 lead any one. I'm a gentleman, Doc'. I 
 don't believe there ought to be any decep- 
 tion in a case of this kind." 
 
 "Oh, well, write a diplomatic letter and 
 excuse yourself." 
 
 "I can tell you one thing I'd like mighty 
 well to go. ' ' 
 
 "Why not go, then?" 
 
 The dentist continued to pull at his mus- 
 tache, but he made no reply. 
 
186 DOC HORNE 
 
 "How about the young lady you met last 
 week?" asked Doc', softly. 
 
 The dentist shook his head. 
 
 "I'd go out and visit them, I think," said 
 Doc', in a consoling tone. "Don't you think 
 you'd better?" 
 
 "No!" exclaimed the dentist, jamming 
 the letter into his side pocket, and without 
 saying another word he walked out. 
 
 Doc' was saddened by the turn of affairs. 
 He began to fear that he was not succeeding 
 as a match-maker for the dentist. 
 
CHAPTER XVII 
 
 DOC* HORNE AS A DETECTIVE 
 
 It came out one evening that Doc' Home 
 had been a detective in Bolivar. He was 
 talking with the married man, and had 
 given his theory 
 as to that week's 
 "mysterious disap- 
 pearance. " 
 
 "You 'would 
 have made a good 
 detective, Doc'," 
 said the married 
 
 man. 
 
 "I don't know 
 that I have any 
 particular ability 
 in that line, "said 
 Doc', picking at 
 the charred end of 
 his cigar. '"I never 
 was a professional detective, but I cleared up 
 one mystery after the police had given it up. 
 Certainly I gave a few points to the cross- 
 
 THE CROSS-ROADS ORACLE. 
 
1 88 DOC' HORNE 
 
 roads oracles over my way. The town of 
 Bolivar was about forty miles from our 
 home. For over a year there had been a 
 series of mysterious robberies at Bolivar at 
 least thirty private houses and stores had 
 been entered. The locks had been picked 
 in most cases, although occasionally the rob- 
 bers would get in by cutting out glass with 
 a diamond. The} 7 took only jewels and 
 money never anything bulky. They went 
 to the best houses in town and seemed to 
 know the premises, for they never spent any 
 time in rummaging. They went direct to 
 the place where the valuables were con- 
 cealed. One peculiarity of the robberies 
 was that no one had ever been awakened 
 while the thieves were in the house. It 
 was supposed that chloroform or some drug 
 was used to keep the inmates of the house 
 asleep while the robbers were at work, but 
 this could never be proved. The robbers 
 had never been caught at work except once. 
 A night-watchman saw a door ajar and went 
 into the house to investigate. Some one 
 stepped up to him and clapped a handker- 
 chief to his face, and that was the last he 
 remembered until daylight. The police put 
 on extra men at night after that, but it 
 
AS A DETECTIVE 189 
 
 didn't seem to make any difference. The 
 robberies went ahead just the same two or 
 three a month. At last a friend of mine said 
 to me: 'Home, why don't you go over to 
 Bolivar and find out who is committing all 
 those robberies?' I didn't care much for the 
 reward, but the mystery of the thing 
 attracted me-, and so I went over to Bolivar. 
 "Whenever I undertake anything I begin 
 at the beginning. I didn't go off on any 
 wild-goose chase. When I reached Bolivar 
 I went to the chief of police and got a list of 
 robberies for a year past, the date of each 
 one, the value of goods stolen, and the loca- 
 tion of each house entered. Then I went to 
 my room and sat down, with a map of 
 Bolivar in front of me, and I marked with 
 dots the houses which had been robbed. 
 When I finished I found that I had dotted 
 out a sort of broad path connecting the 
 extreme northeast of town with the south- 
 west. You must understand that Bolivar 
 was built along the river, which runs south 
 at that part of its course. My discovery 
 relating to the path of the robberies was 
 interesting, but it didn't prove anything. 
 Then I studied the dates, and in two min- 
 utes I made another discovery. I found 
 
i 9 o DOC HORNE 
 
 that all the robberies had been committed 
 during the first half of each month that is, 
 between the first and fifteenth. Strangely 
 enough, no one had ever called attention to 
 that fact before. I said to myself: 'These 
 robberies are committed by some one who is 
 either out of town during the last half of 
 each month, or who has some particular 
 reason for keeping quiet. It is evident that 
 he knows all about the interior arrange- 
 ments of the residences in this town. He is 
 a clever man, also, or he would not have 
 escaped suspicion.' Well, I sat around and 
 thought it over, and I'll confess I was 
 puzzled to know how to begin. Then a 
 very curious thing happened. I picked up 
 a morning paper and glanced at it, and 
 there, on the first page, was a big advertise- 
 ment of 1 D]% James Brascall, specialist in 
 electrical treatment, will be in Bolivar from 
 May ist to May i5th.' I jumped up and 
 said: 'That's my man!' I'd never heard of 
 him before, but I felt, intuitively, that I had 
 struck a trail. 
 
 "I began making inquiries. I learned 
 that Dr. Brascall had been visiting Bolivar, 
 in a professional way, two weeks out of 
 each month for a year or more. He had an 
 
AS A DETECTIVE 191 
 
 office on the main street, but he also gave 
 treatments in his room at Mrs. Allen's 
 house, which was in the northwest part of 
 town. He was well liked in Bolivar, espe- 
 cially by the men, and had been admitted to 
 membership in the club there. Much to my 
 surprise, I learned that he was not a society 
 man. So far as I could ascertain, he had 
 visited but two or three of the houses which 
 had been robbed. His reputation in the 
 town was above reproach. He attended 
 church regularly and had no bad habits. 
 The doctors of the town called him a quack 
 and an impostor, naturally, because he 
 advertised, but, on the other hand, most of 
 his patients stood up for him. I could learn 
 of nothing which would show that he had 
 been implicated in the robberies, and yet I 
 felt in my bones that he was the man. I 
 went to Mrs. Allen's house, where he 
 roomed, and, under pretense of wishing to 
 engage a room, I got into conversation with 
 the woman. She said she could give me a 
 room on the second floor that Dr. Brascall 
 had taken the only first-floor room. I asked 
 her if I could have the doctor's room while 
 he was in Pittsburg. She said the doctor 
 paid for the room, even while he was out of 
 
i 9 2 DOC' HORNE 
 
 town, and had given particular orders that 
 no one should be allowed in his room while 
 he was away. In further conversation she 
 said that the doctor never went out at night, 
 but this did not spoil my theory, as I sur- 
 mised that he might have taken a first-floor 
 room so as to be able to get out through a 
 window without disturbing any one. 
 
 "The case presented difficulties, and yet I 
 was more than ever keen to fix the rob- 
 beries on this doctor. I went to the chief of 
 police and had another long talk. I asked 
 him if he had ever suspected any one. He 
 said that at one time Bill Gregory was under 
 suspicion. I asked about Gregory and 
 learned that he was a man-of-all-work, 
 employed by Mrs. Walton, a widow, who 
 lived in the southeast part of town. She 
 had come to Bolivar about a year before and 
 had brought Gregory with her. He did all 
 the work around the place, and drove her 
 phaeton when she went calling. She was 
 something of an invalid, subject to nervous 
 attacks, and this Gregory had to help her in 
 and out of the houses where she called. It 
 seemed that one night Gregory was seen 
 coming out of an alley, and a policeman 
 stopped him and found a revolver on him. 
 
AS A DETECTIVE 193 
 
 Gregory claimed that he was on his way to 
 summon Dr. Brascall to attend Mrs. Wal- 
 ton, who was suffering" from one of her 
 attacks, and that he had come through the 
 alley for a short cut. The policeman 
 doubted him, so he went with Gregory to 
 Mrs. Allen's house. After some delay, Dr. 
 Brascall came to the door. The policeman 
 followed the doctor to Mrs. Walton's house. 
 He found her in great pain. She said she 
 had sent Gregory for the doctor, and of 
 course that satisfied the policeman and re- 
 lieved Gregory from suspicion. 
 
 "Well, sir, that set me to thinking. I 
 asked the chief to indicate to me on the map 
 where Mrs. Walton lived. He did so, and I 
 saw at once that this house and the house in 
 which the doctor lived marked the ends of 
 the district within which the robberies had 
 been committed. In other words, any one 
 proceeding from the doctor's house to Mrs. 
 Walton's house could pass by any house or 
 store that had been robbed and still not be 
 going out of the way. I surmised at once 
 that Mrs. Walton was in the plot ; that she 
 was to be ready to testify, in case the doctor 
 fell under suspicion because of his appear- 
 ance on the streets at night, that she had 
 
194 DOC' HORNE 
 
 sent for him and .that he was on his way to 
 attend her. But Mrs. Allen had said that 
 the doctor did not go out at night. I 
 believed then that Gregory came to his win- 
 dow and tapped and that the doctor crawled 
 out of the window. At any rate, I felt sure 
 that both Gregory and the charming widow 
 were in the game. I inquired regarding 
 Mrs. Walton, and learned that she was very 
 popular with the best people, and was a 
 prominent member of the literary club which 
 met at the homes of the members. At last 
 I began to understand how the doctor, sup- 
 posing that he was the guilty ring-leader, 
 learned where the jewelry and valuables 
 were kept in each residence. By this time 
 I had the case fairly mapped out in my own 
 mind, but I hadn't a particle of proof. 
 
 "I sounded the chief of police as to Dr. 
 Brascall, without hinting my suspicions. It 
 seemed that he and the doctor were intimate 
 friends. In fact, the doctor had assisted 
 him in getting up a new schedule for the 
 night policemen so that they could cover the 
 town more effectively. Yes, sir, that doctor 
 had actually assigned the policemen to their 
 beats, so that he would know how to keep 
 out of their way. 
 
AS A DETECTIVE 195 
 
 "Well, when my investigations were about 
 this far along-, the doctor, whom I had seen 
 only casually, went to Pittsburg. I followed 
 him, and learned that while he was in that 
 city he made*but little pretense to practice, 
 and spent most of his time in gambling. As 
 soon as he returned to Bolivar again I 
 resolved to bring matters to a head and 
 watch the house where he lived. For three 
 nights I lay crouched behind a rose bush 
 watching his windows, and I could have 
 sworn that no one came to the house or 
 went away. On the third morning, after I 
 got back to the hotel, I learned that the 
 Pearson residence had been entered and 
 fifteen hundred dollars' worth of diamonds 
 taken. I could not believe that Brascall had 
 left the house .that night, and yet I felt sure 
 that he had done the job. I knew that I had 
 to deal with a mystery, sure enough. 
 
 "My whole theory was apparently de- 
 stroyed. I had surmised that the widow, Mrs. 
 Walton, would send this man Gregory to sum- 
 mon Dr. Brascall. The doctor and Gregory 
 would start in the direction of the widow's 
 house at the other end of the town. If seen 
 out at night together they had a plausible 
 story to tell, and the widow stood ready to 
 
196 DOC' HORNE 
 
 corroborate everything they said. There 
 would never be any chance to implicate them 
 unless they were actually caught in the act 
 of robbery. I had watched the house in 
 order to shadow the doctor. There had been 
 another robbery, and yet he had not left the 
 house, so far as I could observe. Some men 
 would have been discouraged under the cir- 
 cumstances, but I was not. I simply con- 
 cluded that he was clever enough to get out 
 of the house without using the front door 
 or the back door or crawling through a win- 
 dow. " 
 
 "How could that be?" asked the married 
 man. 
 
 "There was a cellar under the house," 
 said Doc', impressively. "What was to pre- 
 vent him loosening the carpet and sawing 
 out a trapdoor in the floor, so that he could 
 lower himself into the cellar, and thus get 
 out of the house through a cellar door at the 
 rear? A grape arbor extended from this 
 cellar door to the barn or shed, next to the 
 alley. He could come up out of the cellar, 
 slip along the grape arbor, go through the 
 shed, and reach the alley without being seen 
 by any one watching the house from the 
 side or front." 
 
AS A DETECTIVE 197 
 
 "Well, I'll be darned!" said the bicycle 
 youth. 
 
 "I examined the cellar the evening after 
 the Pearson robbery," said Doc'. 
 
 "How did you get in?" asked the married 
 man. 
 
 Doc' smacked his lips dryly and winked at 
 the dentist. Then he said: "I simply went 
 in. Suffice to say, I located the trap-door, 
 and figured out in my own mind the exact 
 plan of the robbers. Brascall and Gregory 
 would plan on a robbery for a certain night. 
 Gregory would leave Mrs. Walton's house 
 for the pretended purpose of summoning the 
 doctor. One might naturally suppose that 
 he would have gone to the house where the 
 doctor roomed and rung him or tapped on 
 his window. But they were .too shrewd. 
 They figured that sooner or later some sus- 
 picious person would be waiting to shadow 
 them, and so they had it arranged that 
 Brascall was to come out through the cellar 
 and meet Gregory in the alley. Then they 
 would start in the general direction of the 
 widow's house. As I told you before, 
 Brascall knew exactly what districts the 
 police were covering at that time of night, 
 because he had helped the chief arrange the 
 
198 DOC HORNE 
 
 schedule. His appearance on the street at 
 any hour of the night would arouse no sus- 
 picion, and he could carry a box supposed to 
 be a 'battery' for his electrical treatment. 
 I'll tell you, that man was clever. I saw 
 that I would have to detect him in the 
 act before I could bring any proof which 
 would be conclusive to a jury. The only 
 sensible plan, it seemed to me, was to 
 hide in that shed every night until they 
 went out again, and then to follow them. 
 For five nights I sat all night long back in a 
 dark corner of this shed, waiting for some- 
 thing to happen. On the sixth night it was 
 then along about the middle of June, and I 
 remember it was a warm night, but cloudy 
 I heard some one in the alley. In a little 
 while the door leading to the yard opened, 
 and in came Brascall with a big box, which 
 he carried by a handle. My eyes were 
 accustomed to the darkness, and I could see 
 him distinctly. He passed through to the 
 alley, and I heard the two men walk away 
 together, talking in a low tone. I slipped 
 out and followed at a safe distance. Then I 
 realized for the first time that I had no 
 authority as an officer; that it was one man 
 against two desperate, armed men, and that 
 
AS A DETECTIVE 199 
 
 even if I saw them commit a robbery my 
 word might not be accepted against that of 
 Dr. Brascall, who was well known in 
 Bolivar, while I was a comparative stranger. 
 But it was too late to back out. I followed 
 them, and, to make a long story short, I saw 
 them slip through the back yard of Judge 
 Wilkinson's house and start to work at the 
 door. They were experts, sure enough, for 
 they had that door open in two minutes. 
 They slipped in, and closed the door behind 
 them, and I tiptoed up, and, taking off my 
 shoes, I followed into the house. Just inside 
 the door my foot struck something, and at 
 the same time I got an odor of chloroform 
 or ether. I picked up the cloth soaked with 
 the stuff, whatever it was, and threw it out 
 of the back door. I could hear the two men 
 ahead of me in the house, and I guessed that 
 they were planting these soaked cloths 
 around the house so as to keep the inmates 
 asleep. In a flash I realized what I would 
 have to do. I opened the back door, and 
 then I felt my way through the sitting- 
 room to the front hallway. I could hear the 
 two men whispering in the parlor. It was 
 a big risk, but I felt my way to the stairway, 
 which I could see dimly, and then crawled 
 
200 DOC' HORNE 
 
 upstairs. There was a big pair of windows 
 on the landing above, opening in the old- 
 fashioned way, like shutters. I gently 
 pushed the windows open. One of them 
 squeaked, but I heard no sound from below, 
 so I went ahead. I felt a draught of air up 
 the stairway. I knew that most of the other 
 windows were open also, and so I had no 
 fear of the chloroform keeping the family 
 asleep while there was a movement of fresh 
 air in the house. My time had come. I 
 stood at the bend of the stairway, and when 
 Brascall and Gregory came up I jumped 
 between them and the front door and said: 
 'Don't move, or I'll shoot!' Then I blew a 
 police whistle, and the old judge himself 
 came running out, followed by the whole 
 family, half-dressed. Brascall and Gregory 
 stood there looking into my pistol. I had 
 caught them fairly. The women were 
 screaming, and every one was excited, of 
 course. Judge Wilkinson grabbed Brascall, 
 and wanted to know what was the matter. 
 Gentlemen, would you believe it? Brascall 
 told him that he and Gregory saw me enter 
 the house and had followed me. The judge 
 believed it, too, but I didn't lose my nerve. 
 I told them to send for the police and have 
 
AS A DETECTIVE 201 
 
 all three of us taken to the station. Brascall 
 protested, and said he had to call on Mrs. 
 
 FOR THREE NIGHTS BEHIND A ROSE BUSH. 
 
202 - DOC' HORNE 
 
 Walton at once, but he couldn't bluff me. I 
 made the police take all three of us to the 
 station. When we got there I said: 'Open 
 that box!' They opened Brascall's box, and 
 it contained what seemed to be a battery. 
 The police laughed at me. They actually 
 laughed at me. They thought I was the 
 thief and was trying a clever scheme to 
 clear myself. Well, I was mad. I grabbed 
 that 'battery' and tore off the false top, and 
 underneath was a kit of tools for picking 
 locks and a bottle of chloroform. Brascall 
 smiled at Gregory and said: 'It's all up.' 
 Then I told the police to go and search his 
 rooms. They found all the Pearson 
 diamonds, and of course that settled it. 
 But maybe you think that town wasn't torn 
 up next day! They never did get through 
 poking fun at that chief of police. It came 
 out later that Mrs. Walton was really 
 Brascall's wife." 
 
 "Well, what did Brascall get?" asked the 
 married man. 
 
 4 'Ten years, the same as Gregory," replied 
 Doc'. "He always claimed that if I had 
 kept away from Bolivar he never would 
 have been caught. ' ' 
 
CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 THE LOSS OF THE LITTLE LADY 
 
 As the month of August was passing, the 
 freckled boy met with reverses. He lost 
 not only his money but his "little lady," 
 this being the name 
 he gave to the girl 
 whom he had favored 
 with his society at 
 least two nights in 
 every week. 
 
 When the boy first 
 came to the hotel he 
 found employment as 
 a house-to- house 
 salesman and "intro- 
 duced" anew kind of 
 soap. In a few weeks 
 
 1 , , ,. r TRYING TO RECOUP. 
 
 he learned that a for- 
 tune awaited him at the race-track, so he be- 
 gan to "play the horses. " Luck was with him 
 at the start, for he carried a roll of bills, 
 which he brought out and fondled every 
 203 
 
204 DOC' HORNE 
 
 evening, merely to tantalize those persons 
 who were so stupid as to work for a liv- 
 ing. 
 
 He would crowd himself to the front of 
 the evening group at the hotel and say: 
 "Well, I picked three of 'em to-day. I got 
 a four-to-one that I ought to backed off the 
 board becuz I couldn't see nothin' else to it. 
 I ought to laid a hunderd on that race. At 
 that, I'm forty to the good. W'y, it's just 
 like takin' candy away from a baby. I 
 s'pose I don't know a thing about them 
 ponies. An' I've got to-morrow's card just 
 about figured out, too." 
 
 "Keep at it, my young friend," said Doc'. 
 "It's only a question of time until they take 
 all you have." 
 
 "Don't you believe it, Doc'. Whenever I 
 lay a piece o' money on a race I know purty 
 well what I'm doin'." 
 
 One evening when he came back he did 
 not display any money. Neither did he talk 
 about his unfailing ability to pick the 
 winner. The colony suspected that his 
 career as a race-track gambler had come to 
 an end. Three days after that, the dentist 
 found him standing in front of a doorway in 
 Jackson Street, urging people to "go upon 
 
"THE LITTLE LADY" 205 
 
 the inside" and have their straw hats cleaned 
 for five cents a hat. 
 
 * ' Hello ! ' ' exclaimed the dentist. ' * You're 
 not at the track any more?" 
 
 The boy was embarrassed, but he man- 
 aged to say: ''No, I've got a better thing 
 right here." 
 
 "Cleaning straw hats?" 
 
 "Yes, we knock out fifty a day." 
 
 "Hats?" 
 
 "Naw, not hats! Fifty plunks." 
 
 "At five cents a hat?" 
 
 "Well, we take it in, just the same. 
 They keep us busy nearly all the time. It's 
 a little quiet just now." 
 
 The news was carried to the hotel, and 
 the lush found great pleasure in taunting 
 the boy. 
 
 "So you're the fellow that couldn't go 
 wrong?" he asked. 
 
 "That's all right," said the freckled boy, 
 sullenly. "I didn't lose much." 
 
 * * No, but you lost all you had. ' ' 
 
 "I may lose, but I don't holler. That's 
 me! It's my money an* I quit game. You 
 don't hear me hollerin*. All I say is that 
 the horse was pulled. That's right, too. 
 Say, there was the rankest job ever pulled 
 
206 DOC' HORNE 
 
 off on a track. I know them horses. That 
 wasn't my first day at a track, I'll tell you 
 that. There was only one way for Dido to 
 lose that race, and that was to drop dead at 
 the post." 
 
 "But she didn't win?" asked the lush. 
 
 "How could she, when she was pulled? I 
 just tore up two hunderd dollars' worth of 
 tickets that's all I done. Well, that's all 
 right. I ain't hollerin', but I want to tell 
 you that Gracie Watson didn't have no more 
 license to beat Dido that day than I've got 
 to walk backwards from here to Milwaukee 
 and beat the limited. Talk about your 
 steals! W'y, it was worse than takin' 
 money right out o' your pocket. Everybody 
 seen it. And at that this dog only wins by 
 a head. Would I play him for place? No, 
 not for a minute. I says, 'There's only one 
 horse in the race, and them others'll be 
 back o' the flag. It was the worst case of 
 fixin' a race I ever seen. Oh well, a man 
 gets it that way once in a while. I lose my 
 money and I ain't hollerin'." 
 
 During the two weeks of his connection 
 with the hat-cleaning industry the boy 
 played poker at a Clark Street room, in the 
 hope that he might recoup his losses. The 
 
"THE LITTLE LADY" 207 
 
 poker-players "trimmed him," as he ex- 
 pressed it, and in this period of financial de- 
 pression the "little lady" rejected him, or, 
 to use his own language, "tied a can to 
 him." 
 
 He told the dentist the story one night. 
 The dentist listened in sad amusement and 
 thought of the contrast between this love 
 affair and his own. 
 
 "vShe's got my name up over the door with 
 'nix' after it," said the freckled boy. "My 
 coin give out, an' my talk wasn't strong 
 enough to hold her, so I'm scratched." 
 
 "Did you have a quarrel?" asked the 
 dentist. 
 
 "Last night. I've told you about this 
 little party, ain't I?" 
 
 "I think so." 
 
 "Well, she was number one with me 
 yesterday, and I thought I was the hot 
 favorite with her, but she couldn't see me 
 to-day if I run in front of her and made 
 motions. ' ' 
 
 "And I thought you were popular." 
 
 "Strong? It looked to me that you 
 couldn't get us apart with a crowbar. I 
 thought she needed me. If anybody 'd said 
 to me that he could split us out I'd told him 
 
208 DOC' HORNE 
 
 to write his own ticket. That's how good I 
 was. I had myself billed as the real papa. 
 I was writin' mash notes to myself. That's 
 right. I had about three lamps goin' at the 
 same time an' I couldn't roll 'em big 
 enough. Then just about the time I begin 
 to pick out red plush furniture for the bird's 
 nest I wake up an' find myself layin' in the 
 snow. I'm a bright young fellow with a 
 copper on it. Me sayin' that a blacksmith 
 couldn't drive a needle in between us! 
 Well, you could get a half-mile track inside 
 o' the separation to-day. Say, I can just see 
 the canary goin' up to join the carpenters' 
 union a hammer in each hand. Got a 
 brother, too a scrapper. Husky? He's 
 got a chest on him like a snow-plow. If 
 ever I go to the mat with that truck-horse 
 there won't be a thing to it." 
 
 "You're not afraid of him, are you?" 
 "I ain't, eh? You ought to see him. 
 He's got me nervous. I go along the street 
 with my guard up, on the level. You ought 
 to see me to-day ridin' on the platform so 
 as to be ready to make a run for it if any- 
 thing come off. You think you get me on 
 one o' them high trains? Well, I should say 
 otherwise. None o' the elevated for me. 
 
"THE LITTLE LADY" 209 
 
 It's too far to jump. I refuse to start unless 
 they put me on a track. ' ' 
 
 "Why should he interfere? You didn't 
 do anything that would justify him in lick- 
 ing you, did you?" 
 
 4 'Well, I didn't use her none too gentle. 
 I kind o' jolted her a couple." 
 
 "Then I don't blame him." 
 
 "I didn't pass 'em to her, understand? I 
 did it pullin' away, see? Here! I'll tell 
 you what led up to it. You know, when I 
 been landin' in there they light all the gas 
 in the house, and then if I don't look pleased 
 they send out and get some more. Well, 
 last night things didn't light up in any 
 hurry, but I was so swelled on myself settin' 
 there with the blue check and the new four- 
 in-hand that I didn't take no notice. Purty 
 soon the real article floated in and handed 
 me a cake of ice. Well, that didn't stop me, 
 becuz my specialty is makin' these chilly 
 dolls change their minds and think well of 
 me. I started in to deal a very neat line of 
 talk about the weather, an' she give me a 
 glassy look an' says: 'How about the 
 tickets?' This is the fifth week that I been 
 tellin' her that I'd take her to see a dollar 'n 
 a half show. I says: 'Just my luck! 
 
210 DOC' HORNE 
 
 Couldn't get a seat in the house!' 4 No-o-o?' 
 she says, givin' me the haughty look. 'No,' 
 I says, 4 I couldn't get nothin' at all except 
 way up high, and I wouldn't take you up 
 among them fellows, becuz I love you too 
 well for that!' No use. That didn't faze 
 her. I begin to get next, and see that I'd 
 lost my number by failin' to show up with 
 three dollars' worth of tickets, but no box 
 office ever gets three out o' me at one toss, 
 unless they use chloroform. As I say, I saw 
 she had an awful grouch about the tickets. 
 Either that or somethin' live had turned up 
 and was workin' to undermine me. In 
 either case it was up to me to pump some 
 hot air. I slid over on the sofa next to her 
 an' tried for the half-Nelson, but she hol- 
 lered and refused to clinch. Then I started 
 in to be rough, but she wouldn't stand for 
 it. She fouled me with her wrist right in 
 the face an' broke away. Oh, the look she 
 give me! Talk about your lemon ice or 
 your sour drops ! She set clear over on the 
 other side of the room, and no nearer than 
 that could I get. The way she wiggled 
 around on that chair you'd thought there 
 was an oil stove under it. It was 'yes' and 
 'no' to all the cracks I made, but no givin' 
 
"THE LITTLE LADY" 211 
 
 in, an' after while I begin to get sore 
 myself, and was about to get up an' declare 
 myself when some one rings the front door- 
 bell, an' she does a sprint to see who it is. 
 In a little while I hear her buzzin' some- 
 body out in the hall. Me in the parlor, 
 understand? pipin' the pictures an' the 
 phoney album an' her outside makin* it 
 pleasant for the new entry. This went on 
 for about ten minutes an' then I begin to see 
 that I'm in the way. They'd laugh once in 
 a while, and I figured that they was havin' 
 fun with me. Whoever the guy was, he put 
 the rollers under me all right. They kept 
 me shell-roaded in the parlor for fifteen min- 
 utes, and then I broke out. I didn't mind 
 bein' thrown, but I wanted 'em to notice 
 how graceful I went into the air. So I went 
 out and broke it up. ' ' 
 
 4 'Did you make trouble?" 
 
 "Did I? First I sneaked up to the door 
 an' listened. I heard him say somethin' 
 about the 'fourth row of the circle' an' 
 'leavin' the house about half-past seven,' 
 an' I knew that whoever he was, he'd give 
 up his coin an' copped the princess. I 
 opened the door sudden, and there they was, 
 settin' on the bottom stair, holdin' hands. 
 
212 DOC' HORNE 
 
 I says: 'I thought I'd come out an' mingle. 
 It's gettin' a little frosty in there, an' I'd 
 like to meet some nice people an' talk it 
 over. I've got some lovely conversation 
 that's never been used at all.' The little 
 lady shot one o' them cold-storage looks at 
 mean' said: 'We're havin' a private talk.' 
 That encouraged his nobs with the pink 
 shirt to come up strong, an' he says: 'It's 
 about a matter that don't interest yon.' 
 That was two bumps as near as I could 
 count. I'm bright enough to see it was my 
 cue to duck, but I'd been there too long to 
 let any stranger chase me out. So I says: 
 'If you've got time to step outside I'd like to 
 fix it up with you. ' The little lady pushes 
 in between us an' says to me: 'You behave 
 yourself!' He was gettin' pale an' leary, 
 an' said to her that he thought he'd be 
 goin'. By that time I was so mad that 
 nothin' but a scrap'd do me. He opened 
 the door an' side-stepped, me after him an' 
 the little lady hangin' onto mean' sayin': 
 'Now, you behave! Now, you behave!' 
 Him down the steps in a hurry, an' then 
 kickin' around for somethin' to throw at 
 me. She had me collared on the top step 
 an' was hangin' on as if she thought I was a 
 
"THE LITTLE LADY" 
 
 213 
 
 good thing. I told her two or three times 
 to break nicely, but she wouldn't listen. 
 Well, Bud, you know how it is. You ain't 
 expected to swing on 'em, so all I could do 
 was to let the elbow go back a couple o' 
 times. She let out a horrible grunt, an' 
 then made one o' them ladylike over-handed 
 swipes at me, but I dodged it. Cinch! 
 Just as I dodges, a brick comes past me, 
 bing! an' hits the 
 front door. Then me 
 after the enemy. Did 
 I ketch him? W'y, 
 I didn't have a show 
 for the money. When 
 I'd run a block he 
 must 'a' been at Gar- 
 field Park. Besides, 
 here I was, bare- 
 headed. I started 
 back an' s'posed I'd 
 have to tear down 
 the house to get my 
 hat, but I finds it on 
 
 , r , , "THE LITTLE LADY." 
 
 the steps. You ought 
 
 to see me nail it an' run my mile. I was 
 expectin' brother to come right out o' the 
 window at me." 
 
214 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "What were you afraid of? Hadn't you 
 just chased one fellow away?" 
 
 "Who? The one that come in with a 
 check for my seat? Say, he wouldn't weigh 
 115, shirt and all. You can bet I always 
 pick the right man before I lose control o' 
 myself. ' ' 
 
 "But he was big enough to cut you out, 
 wasn't he?" 
 
 "Yes, but he had to loosen up with the 
 coin before he done it. If ever I get a flash 
 at that boy it'll be first me to him an' then 
 one o' them rubber-tired wagons from the 
 hospital. ' ' 
 
CHAPTER XIX 
 
 THE DENTIST LOSES HIS LAST CHANCE 
 
 The dentist did not reply to the letter 
 from Miss Milbury. He intended to write 
 the diplomatic letter suggested by Doc', but 
 on sitting down to 
 compose it he found 
 that he could not 
 choose the language. 
 He feared that a 
 thankful letter, pro- 
 te sting gratitude, 
 would encourage her 
 to write again and 
 might involve him 
 in a correspondence. 
 Then it would be 
 more difficult than 
 ever to give her up. 
 
 . . . THE DENTIST IN SUMMER. 
 
 As he sat with the 
 
 pen poised above the letter, he told him- 
 self that only a brute could answer such a 
 letter with cold and discouraging formality. 
 He dismissed, one after another, the lies 
 215 
 
2i6 DOC HORNE 
 
 which might be offered in explanation of his 
 "regrets." At last he tore up the paper and 
 said that he would try again, to-morrow. 
 
 A week passed, and he told himself that 
 he had waited too long and would not 
 answer at all. It was a rude but effective 
 way of closing ,an incident which he had 
 hoped to make . the prelude to his life's hap- 
 piness. 
 
 One day he received an advertising folder 
 from the hotel at Wautenon. He concluded 
 that Miss Milbury had given his name to the 
 proprietor of the hotel. She could not and 
 would not write to him again, until he had 
 paid the courtesy of an answer, but she could 
 give him a last chance. The folder was in 
 the, style usually chosen for the advertising 
 of summer resorts: 
 
 "Oh, fairest spot on all this earth! 
 Oh, dream of paradise ! 
 Wautenon. ' ' McKay. 
 
 Beneficent Natuie was indeed kindly in her gifts to 
 this favored region. Here glimmers an opalescent 
 lake set with a framework of richest foliage! The 
 trees rise tall and stately from the very edge of the 
 dimpled waters, and the hush of primeval Nature is 
 only broken by the cheery twitter of feathered song- 
 sters or the splash of some finny monarch glorying in 
 strength and freedom. Here, far from the haunts of 
 
HIS LAST CHANCE 217 
 
 busy men, the worn traveler may seek surcease from 
 the cark and care of this workaday world and while 
 the hours away in sweet forgetfulness. Or, if he be 
 piscatorially inclined, boats, tackle and bait will be 
 provided at moderate charges. 
 
 Nestling in the groves, "God's first temples," are 
 limpid streams that purl softly over their mossy beds 
 or sing tender lullabys as they ripple adown the 
 pebbly inclines. May Ransom, the blithe poetess of 
 Bradbury, visited Lake Wautenon two years ago, 
 and while under the spell of its varied charms wrote 
 these lines: 
 
 "Most beauteous home I ever knew, 
 And one that is so restful, too." 
 
 Truly spoken, for any one who has lingered in the 
 cool, deep shade of Wautenon 's shore or partaken of 
 the true hospitality at the magnificent hostelry will 
 thereafter cherish the memory in his or her heart of 
 hearts. 
 
 The dentist showed this circular to Doc', 
 and gave his suspicion. 
 
 "She had something to do with sending 
 it," he said. "They don't know me up at 
 Lake Wautenon. ' ' 
 
 "And you say you didn't answer her 
 letter?" inquired Doc'. "That's bad too 
 bad." 
 
 "I didn't see any confounded use in keep- 
 ing up a correspondence after what you told 
 me. I thought it would be better for me not 
 
2i8 DOC HORNE 
 
 to go ahead, so I stopped the only way I 
 knew how. I simply stopped. I didn't 
 answer her letter. And it was a low-down, 
 mean way to end the whole business, too. 
 Darned if I ain't ashamed of myself. Oh, 
 well, I'll never see her again. I suppose 
 she'll think I've turned out to be a pretty 
 cheap specimen. Oh, well! What's the 
 difference? It's all right." 
 
 He was as cheerful as a man speaking 
 from the gallows. 
 
 Doc' had been slow of perception during 
 the previous talks with his friend, but now 
 he understood that the dentist was very 
 much in love with Miss Milbury. How- 
 ever, as the dentist did not seem dis- 
 posed to admit it, even if he knew it, 
 Doc' did not offer his services as a reconcil- 
 ing agent. 
 
 For many weeks after that, the dentist did 
 not mention the name of Miss Milbury, and 
 he never spoke of matrimony except to 
 damn it. He came into his partnership in 
 the Neapolitan Dental Parlors, and he 
 moved into the largest front room in the 
 Alfalfa Hotel. The prosperity which had 
 justified his intention to marry was growing, 
 but he seemed less cheerful than before. 
 
HIS LAST CHANCE 219 
 
 The waistcoats and cravats were changed 
 less frequently. 
 
 Doc' was again deceived. He believed that 
 the dentist had lapsed into indifference, and 
 he began to doubt that the dentist had loved 
 deeply, even during July and August. 
 
CHAPTER XX 
 
 THE REFORMATION OF THE LUSH 
 
 After months of delicate persuasion Doc' 
 accomplished a purpose. He induced the 
 lush to promise to refrain from all drinking 
 for the period of one month. In making 
 
 this promise the lush 
 did not admit that he 
 had been drinking 
 too much or that any 
 change in his daily 
 habits was necessary. 
 He gave the promise 
 merely to oblige 
 Doc'. 
 
 "You seem anx- 
 ious to make a good 
 boy out of me, Doc'," 
 he said. "Some- 
 times when you give 
 me these sermonettes 
 on the quiet I begin to think I'm a reg- 
 ular drunkard." 
 
 "Not at all, my dear sir, but I wouldn't be 
 
 220 
 
 "DELICATE PERSUASION. 
 
THE REFORMATION 221 
 
 surprised if you did, occasionally, drink a 
 little more than is good for you." 
 
 "Do you think so, Doc'?" asked the lush, 
 tapping on the arm of his chair and not lift- 
 ing his eyes when he asked the question. 
 
 "I don't mean to say that you drink to 
 excess," explained Doc'; "but I think it 
 possible that if you would practically abstain 
 from drinking for a while your general 
 health might improve, and possibly your 
 nerves would be steadier. ' ' 
 
 "Well, I don't know; it doesn't seem to 
 me I've been drinking more than usual. 
 I've been accustomed, for some time, to take 
 a drink whenever I felt like it. " 
 
 "That's true, but possibly your system 
 isn't as hardy as it used to be. You take 
 my advice. Don't touch a drop of it, for 
 say, a month." 
 
 The lush drew a long whistle. 
 
 "Do you know what you're asking me to 
 do?" he said. 
 
 "You're like every other man, I suppose? 
 You can drink it or you can leave it alone." 
 
 "Well, Doc', I'll go and get a final one 
 right now, and that'll be the last one for a 
 month. And when I say a month I mean 
 it. It's a go!" 
 
222 DOC' HORNE 
 
 He meant it, too. The dentist, the 
 freckled boy, and even the book-agent 
 smiled and were skeptical when he told of 
 his resolution. Their apparent contempt 
 maddened him, and made him all the more 
 determined. 
 
 The first week was full of misery for him. 
 He was glum and solitary, avoiding the 
 night sessions at the front door. He made 
 many trips to the corner drug-store and 
 tried to get cheer from phosphates and other 
 temperance drinks. Failing in this effort, 
 he would return to his room. He resented 
 all friendly speech, even though it came 
 from Doc'. 
 
 One Sunday the dentist was passing the 
 door when he heard groans and profane 
 exclamations. Being rather frightened, he 
 knocked. 
 
 "Come in!" shouted the lush. 
 
 The dentist opened the door and saw his 
 friend coiled on the bed. The shoes, coat 
 and vest had been removed. The lush had 
 his head butted into a soft pillow. 
 
 'Feeling rocky?" asked the dentist, in a 
 gentle tone. 
 
 "No feeling fine," replied the lush, glar- 
 ing up at him. 
 
THE REFORMATION 223 
 
 "What can I do for you?" 
 
 "Go get an ax and hit me in the head. 
 Oh-h! Gosh!" 
 
 "Can you eat anything?" 
 
 "Yes, certainly. I just had two sponge 
 cakes and a gallon of lemonade. Eat any- 
 thing? I look like a man that wants to eat, 
 don't I?" 
 
 "Where does it pain you the most?" 
 
 "Nowhere! You don't think I'm in pain, 
 do you?" 
 
 There was a timid knock at the door, and 
 the lush yelled, "Come in!" 
 
 The bellboy slipped in softly and asked: 
 "Did you ring?" 
 
 The lush sat up on the bed and glared at 
 the boy, who began to tremble. 
 
 "How long does it take electricity to 
 travel?" he asked. 
 
 "Huh?" from the boy. 
 
 "Huh? When I push this button up here, 
 does it take twenty minutes for the bell to 
 ring downstairs?" 
 
 "I don't know, sir." 
 
 "You don't know? How does it happen 
 that you came up here at all?" 
 
 "The clerk sent me up." 
 
 "Oh, he did, did he? Well, you tell that 
 
224 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 clerk that when I ring I want somebody to 
 come here the same day. Do you under- 
 stand?" 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 "Well, what is it I told you to tell him?" 
 "Why that when 
 
 you " The boy 
 
 became confused and 
 was unable to say any 
 more. 
 
 "That's right ! " 
 exclaimed the lush. 
 "You've got a great 
 memory." 
 
 "Oh, leave the boy 
 alone," said the den- 
 tist, interfering as 
 mildly as he could. 
 
 "I'll have to write 
 it out," snarled the 
 lush. "Say, if you can remember it till you 
 get downstairs, tell that cheap clerk to send 
 into the drug-store and get me a small 
 bottle of Jamaica ginger." 
 
 "Yes, sir; is that all?" asked the boy, 
 moving toward the door, as if anxious to 
 escape. 
 
 "Then when you get that, you go and 
 
 "WHENEVER i FELT LIKE IT." 
 
THE REFORMATION 225 
 
 jump down the elevator-shaft." Having 
 thus delivered himself, he plowed his head 
 into the pillow once more, kicked con- 
 vulsively and let out one long, lingering, 
 quavering groan of the most intense agony. 
 Then he flopped over on the bed, threw 
 one of the pillows into the air, and began to 
 sing in a husky, trembling voice : 
 
 "Be it ev-er so hum-bul, 
 There's no-ho place like home." 
 
 After this he put his head under the pil- 
 low and lay very quiet for several moments, 
 apparently to induce the dentist to believe 
 that the end had come. 
 
 There was another tap at the door, and 
 the dentist said, "Come in!" 
 
 It was the chambermaid. 
 
 She came into the room, and then said, 
 very timidly: "I wondered if he wanted me 
 to tidy up the room for him." 
 
 4 Til ask him," said the dentist. 
 
 The lush still had the pillow over his head 
 and he pretended not to hear. This fright- 
 ened the chambermaid, who said: "Good- 
 ness me ! Poor man ! ' ' 
 
 "What the dickens do you want?" He 
 came out from under the pillow very sud- 
 
226 DOC HORNE 
 
 denly, with his hair rumpled. When he 
 saw the chambermaid standing at the door- 
 way, he looked at her so ferociously that she 
 was alarmed and began to back away. 
 
 "The girl wants to know if she can clean 
 up the room a little." 
 
 "I don't care what she does. Tell her to 
 go ahead and make the bed, and not mind 
 me. I don't s'pose I've got any right in 
 this room even if I do pay for it, have I?" 
 
 "Well, the girl simply wanted to know." 
 
 "You tell her to come in and take up the 
 carpet if she wants to. Ooh-h-h-h!" 
 
 "I'll come back after a while," said the 
 pale chambermaid, backing out of the room. 
 
 "Why don't you have the girl fix up the 
 room a little?" asked the dentist. 
 
 "Why are you worrying about that girl? 
 Is she a friend of yours? Because, if it's any 
 accommodation to you, I can go out and sit 
 in the bath-tub while she fixes up the room. 
 I don't see that I've got anything to say 
 about it, anyway. Come in!" This last 
 was delivered in a shriek. 
 
 The frightened bellboy came in on tiptoe, 
 carrying a bottle wrapped in pink paper. 
 He mumbled something about ginger. 
 
 "Well, give it to me," exclaimed the lush. 
 
THE REFORMATION 227 
 
 "What are you holding it for? I'm the one 
 that's going- to take this ginger. You didn't 
 buy it for yourself, did you?" 
 
 "No, sir," replied the boy, meekly. 
 
 "Great Scott!" he shouted, when he 
 pulled away the paper and saw the four- 
 ounce bottle of ginger. "Why didn't you 
 bring this in a bucket?" 
 
 "Huh?" 
 
 "Huh? The next time I order ginger 
 you tell the clerk to have it sent up in a 
 barrel. Did you think I wanted to bathe in 
 ginger? Of all the idiots I ever saw, this 
 hotel is swarming with 'em. You tell the 
 clerk I'm going to drink two or three quarts 
 of this ginger and use the rest to wash the 
 windows with. You just tell him that for 
 me. And sometime this afternoon, if you 
 haven't got anything else to do and you feel 
 well at the time, you might bring me a 
 pitcher of water and be sure it's full of 
 microbes." 
 
 "Full of what?" asked the terror-stricken 
 boy. 
 
 "Microbes! Will you remember that? I 
 want plenty of microbes. " 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 "And don't forget about jumping down 
 
228 DOC' HORNE 
 
 the elevator-shaft. You know you promised 
 me to do that." 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 "Well, what are you waiting for?" 
 
 "Oh!" and the boy escaped. 
 
 The lush once more put his head under 
 the pillow and began to groan. The den- 
 tist said: "Well, good-by; I'm glad to find 
 you so amiable, " and he followed the bell- 
 boy. Just as he left the room he thought 
 he heard, from under the pillow, something 
 like "Go to blazes!" 
 
 After nearly two weeks of abstinence the 
 lush spent less time in his room, and was 
 more companionable, sometimes sitting with 
 the others of an evening, although he had 
 little to say. He was irritable and the 
 freckled boy's loud conversation annoyed 
 him. With the others he was serious, but 
 not discourteous. Doc' hoped that the 
 reformation would be for all time. 
 
 The lush might never have taken another 
 drink if he had not been subjected to a most 
 unusual temptation when Doc' was arrested 
 on the only criminal charge ever brought 
 against a Home. 
 
CHAPTER XXI 
 
 HOW HE THWARTED T&E ST. LOUIS ROBBERS 
 
 The first cool weather of autumn hurries 
 the tramp population into Chicago. The 
 wandering beggars who have infested 
 
 "WROTE MY ST. LOUIS ADDRESS ON THE ENVELOPE." 
 
 country lanes and ridden on car-trucks dur- 
 229 
 
230 DOC' HORNE 
 
 ing the summer, flock into the city. They 
 assemble at the basement drinking places in 
 the squalid "levee" district by day and at 
 night they creep into ten-cent lodging 
 houses or lie in dark stairways. When they 
 tell their stories to doubting pedestrians 
 they are workingmen who have sought jobs 
 for many days and are dying of hunger. 
 Some who are not too much weakened in 
 body and spirit demand the money which 
 they cannot get by beggary. Cold weather 
 stings them to desperation, and the cringing 
 "hobo" becomes the "desperate robber" 
 so frequently mentioned by the police re- 
 porter. 
 
 After a week of frosty nights the news- 
 papers spoke of the "annual carnival of 
 crime," and the colony at the Alfalfa Hotel 
 had several meetings to discuss the footpad 
 and criticise the police department. 
 
 One evening Doc' told of his experience 
 with highway robbers. The bicycle sales- 
 man had been reading an evening paper, 
 and when he lowered it he said: "Well, 
 what do you think of that? Here's a fellow 
 that went into a house right in the broad of 
 day and choked a woman and got away with 
 all the money and jewelry." 
 
ST. LOUIS ROBBERS 231 
 
 "That's nothing for Chicago," said the 
 lush. "Over here on the west side they went 
 into a house while the family was in the 
 dining-room, and moved out all the furniture 
 in the parlor, including the piano. They 
 left the carpets, I believe. ' ' 
 
 "When was that?" asked the bicycle 
 youth. 
 
 "Oh, most any old time. I can't remem- 
 ber the dates of all the robberies in Chi- 
 cago. ' ' 
 
 The dentist confessed that he had been 
 caught at the dark entrance to an alley and 
 compelled to surrender a watch and a 
 pocketbook containing $48. Two men had 
 done the job, one of them holding a large 
 revolver close to his head. 
 
 "If a man gets the drop on you, the only 
 thing to do is to keep cool and make no 
 resistance," said Doc' Home. "You should 
 have crossed the street when you saw the two 
 men coming over toward you. That would 
 have shown that you suspected them, and 
 they wouldn't have taken a chance in follow- 
 ing you back across the street. There's 
 nearly always some way of outwitting a 
 footpad if you only keep cool and use your 
 head. Three of them had me cornered 
 
DOC' HORNE 
 
 once, and thought they were going to get 
 $2,500, but I fooled them just the same." 
 
 "Was that in Chicago?" asked the dentist. 
 
 "No, that was in St. Louis, a long time 
 ago shortly after the war. The fellows 
 who were after me knew that I had the 
 money, and I had to do some maneuvering 
 to beat them. I had been there in St. Louis 
 several weeks negotiating some business for 
 New York parties, and in that time I had 
 become pretty well acquainted with the 
 moneyed men around town, who, at that 
 time, were inclined to be rather sporty. I 
 gambled occasionally, myself. One night I 
 went into the largest gambling house with a 
 friend of mine and began to play roulette. 
 It's a game I seldom played, but I had a 
 fancy to play it this night. Well, I lost 
 $500 almost as fast as I could buy chips. 
 Finally, I had five dollars' worth of white 
 chips left, and I pushed them over on the 
 double-o, and, much to my surprise, the 
 double-o came. That was the turn of my 
 luck. Within an hour I had $3,000 in front 
 of me. I lost back to $2,500 and cashed in. 
 The dealer had to give me an order on the 
 proprietor, and as I didn't want to carry 
 small bills, he gave me two $1,000 bills and 
 
ST. LOUIS ROBBERS 233 
 
 one $500 bill. He said he'd keep the money 
 in the safe for me, but I was accustomed to 
 handling large sums, so I just took the bills 
 and put them in my vest pocket. My friend 
 and I left the place. I walked with him to 
 the corner, and then started for home I 
 then had apartments in a private house. 
 
 "On my way home I had to pass through 
 the wholesale district. It was a business 
 part of town very dark and lonesome at 
 night, But I had a revolver and never 
 thought of such a thing as being robbed. 
 Well, sir, I hadn't walked a block from 
 the corner at which I had left my friend, 
 until I saw two men ahead of me about half 
 or two-thirds of a block. I saw them pass 
 under a lamp, and just as they did so they 
 turned to see if I was coming. While I was 
 watching them closely, determined that they 
 shouldn't catch me napping, I heard foot- 
 falls behind me, and I knew that two men 
 were following me. Then I began to 
 appreciate my situation. If I hurried, the 
 men in front would stop me. If I turned 
 back, the two men behind would intercept 
 me. They were so close to me that I could 
 not escape into a side street except by run- 
 ning, and then they would have a chance to 
 
234 DOC' HORNE 
 
 shoot at me from behind. If there was to 
 be any shooting done, I wanted to be faced 
 around and have a hand in it. You can 
 understand my predicament. Their plan 
 was, evidently, for the two men in front to 
 slacken their pace so that I would catch up 
 with them, and the two men coming" up 
 behind, they would have me surrounded, 
 four men to one. They evidently believed 
 they would have a tough job or there 
 wouldn't have been four men in it. I felt 
 sure that I could kill one or two of them 
 if it came to shooting, but I didn't see much 
 chance to escape if four of them opened up 
 on me. 
 
 "I had to do something mighty quick, and 
 I made up my mind in a flash. I reached in 
 my inside pocket, where I always carried 
 some stamped envelopes, and pulled one of 
 them out. I slipped the money into the 
 envelope, and then, taking my card-case out 
 of my pocket, so as to have something on 
 which to rest the letter, I felt for my pencil. 
 It wasn't there! I remembered that I had 
 loaned it to a fellow in the gambling-room. 
 Do you know what I did? I stopped right 
 under a street lamp that had a mail-box 
 attached to it, and yelled to those fellows in 
 
ST. LOUIS ROBBERS 235 
 
 front and asked : 'Either of you got a pencil?' 
 They stopped, and seemed to be in doubt 
 about coming back, but they evidently didn't 
 want to arouse my suspicions, so one of 
 them walked back and asked me what I 
 wanted. I told him I wanted a pencil. In 
 the meantime the fellows who had been 
 following behind had stopped to see what 
 was going to happen. They were prob- 
 ably surprised to see me call this fellow 
 back. As for him, he didn't know what to 
 do. I told him I wanted to mail a letter, 
 and had forgotten part of the address and 
 wanted to put it on, as it was important 
 that the letter should be in the mail the first 
 thing in the morning. The explanation 
 seemed to satisfy him. He came up to me, 
 handed me a stub of pencil, and I rested 
 the letter on the card-case, wrote my St. 
 Louis -address on it and dropped it into the 
 mail-box. It was a big chilled-steel box, 
 put there for the convenience of some of 
 the wholesale houses that sent out quan- 
 tities of mail. 
 
 44 After I had mailed the letter I said to 
 the man who had loaned me the pencil: 
 'Are you going down street?' He mumbled 
 something and I followed along, and we 
 
236 DOC' HORNE 
 
 overtook his partner in front. Presently the 
 two men behind came up, and the five of us 
 walked along in silence. It was a darker 
 part of the street, and I knew they were 
 about ready to state their business, so I 
 stopped all of a sudden, and said: 'Gen'le- 
 men, what can I do for you?' They were 
 surprised, but a big fellow, one of the two 
 who had been behind, said: 'You'd better 
 give us that $2,500 if you want to get home 
 alive.' I replied that I had no such sum. 
 'We know better,' the big fellow said. 'We 
 saw you put it in your pocket when you left 
 the gambling house, ' and he started to come 
 at me. 'Hold on,' I said. 'Don't get 
 excited. It is true that I had $2,500, but I 
 put it into an envelope and mailed it to 
 myself at that big box back there. One of 
 your party was kind enough to give me the 
 pencil with which I wrote the address. ' 
 Then I said to them: 'Gentlemen, if you 
 want that money, go and get it out of the 
 mail-box. If you think you can break into 
 a steel box which is on a corner, under a 
 street lamp, and not get into trouble with 
 the police, why, go ahead and try it. ' The 
 big fellow cursed and began to threaten, but 
 I said: 'It won't do you any good to attack 
 
ST. LOUIS ROBBERS 237 
 
 me. You're four to one, but I'll kill one of 
 you before you can get me out of the way. ' 
 Then one of the fellows said: 'What's the 
 use, boys? He's too slick for us.' The four 
 simply turned and walked away, and I went 
 on home. Next morning when I reached 
 the office, there was my letter with the 
 $2,500 in it, lying on the desk with the other 
 mail." 
 
 "Well, I'll be dog-goned!" exclaimed the 
 bicycle youth. "Say, what would you have 
 done if that fellow hadn't let you have the 
 pencil?" 
 
 "I'd have put in the envelope without any 
 address on it. I could have proved my 
 property at the postoffice next day. My 
 principal object in borrowing the pencil was 
 to throw those fellows off their guard and 
 make them think I didn't suspect anything." 
 
CHAPTER XXII 
 
 THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 
 
 The man who brought upon Doc' Home 
 the extreme humiliation of his life was 
 known at the Alfalfa Hotel as the hustler. 
 In the United States 
 of America a hustler 
 is one who is busy, 
 persistent, resource- 
 ful and combative, 
 usually that he may 
 accumulate money. 
 The term is fre- 
 quently applied to 
 one who talks rapidly 
 and deals with large 
 figures. Hustling 
 may be activity or 
 the semblance of ac- 
 
 THE HUSTLER. tlVlty. 
 
 The hustler at the 
 
 hotel was a slender young man with reddish 
 
 hair and a close mustache. He wore a 
 
 238 
 
THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 239 
 
 business suit of gray. His black derby hat 
 was set on the back of the head. 
 
 When the members of the colony first 
 noticed him he was sitting in the office 
 adding up figures in a memorandum book 
 and whistling below his breath. His coat 
 sleeves were pulled up, so as to expose the 
 full width of cuff. Presently he put away 
 the memorandum book and took from the 
 inside pocket of his coat a loose handful of 
 letters. He sorted them and finally found a 
 sheet on which was a pencil drawing. The 
 members of the colony were watching him. 
 
 After the hustler had regarded the pencil 
 drawing at arm's length he handed it toward 
 Doc' Home, and asked: "How would that 
 look in three colors?" 
 
 "Eh what?" exclaimed Doc', much 
 astonished. 
 
 "The line at the top, 'Champion Tablets' 
 blue, understand? Same as the ketch-line 
 below, 'Knocks the wind out of you.' I 
 think I'll have this framework in solid black, 
 and use the red for the punchin' bag and the 
 man's head. I'm goin' to have a picture of 
 a prize-fighter in there, punchin' the bag. 
 Good scheme, eh?" 
 
 "Well, I don't know that I exactly under- 
 
240 DOC' HORNE 
 
 stand this," said Doc', bringing out his 
 spectacles so as to make a critical study of 
 the drawing. 
 
 "It's a little preparation, tablet form, that 
 a certain party here in Chicago has just got 
 up. I've taken hold of it and I'm goin' to 
 push it for him. This is the name of it up 
 here at the top, 'Champion Tablets,' and at 
 the bottom here we have the ketch-line, 
 'Knocks the wind out of you.' ' 
 
 "Well, what are they good for?" asked the 
 lightning dentist, who had arisen and was 
 looking over Doc's shoulder. 
 
 "Just what it says there. To be taken 
 after hearty eating removes that feeling of 
 fullness, understand? Good for children 
 with the colic, dyspeptics, and any one who 
 has stomach-ache, cramps great thing! 
 Picture of a prize-fighter, understand? 
 That'll ketch 'em. They'll stop to look at 
 that. Then they read this, 'Champion 
 Tablets,' and below, the ketch-line, 'Knocks 
 the wind out of you.' I'm goin' to have 
 down here in this corner what the tablets 
 can cure." 
 
 "Will you have room in the corner?" 
 asked the lush, who had been listening in 
 coldness and doubt, 
 
THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 241 
 
 "Oh, yes; I'll get it in there in black," 
 said the hustler, who had not caught the 
 sarcasm of the question. "That's goin' to 
 make a ketchy thing," and he took the 
 drawing away from Doc' and again held it 
 at arm's length. "Get a twenty-four sheet 
 stand of that and it'll scream. I was around 
 to-day figurin' on a hundred thousand single 
 sheets to put on the fences and boards. 
 We're goin' to place a lot of newspaper 
 advertising, too, but we don't want to do 
 that till we get enough stock to send 
 samples to all the druggists. We expect to 
 reach every druggist in the United States 
 within six weeks. And say, gentlemen," 
 putting the picture back into his pocket, 
 "I've got the greatest scheme for advertising 
 this preparation that you ever heard of. 
 What do you think of advertising with 
 elephants?" 
 
 "Elephants? How do you mean?" asked 
 the lightning dentist. 
 
 "Why, I mean elephants. You under- 
 stand a party gets up a new preparation 
 and wants to introduce it to the trade he 
 sends out his men to distribute samples. 
 Sometimes they send 'em out in open car- 
 riages with white horses. Sometimes they 
 
242 DOC' HORNE 
 
 dress 'em up and have 'em carry banners. 
 All them things is out of date. I've got the 
 only scheme on earth send 'em out ridin' 
 on top of elephants. Huh? How about that? ' 
 
 "Well, where are you going to get your 
 elephants?" asked the dentist. 
 
 "I know where I can get six. That'd be 
 enough to start on. ' ' 
 
 "Yes, I should think six elephants would 
 be enough for a starter, ' ' remarked the lush. 
 "Enough for a fair mess." 
 
 "Of course, I wouldn't buy 'em," said the 
 hustler. "I'd pay so much for the use of 'em. 
 I put my man on top of the elephant, under- 
 stand? He's all togged out- long-tailed coat, 
 plug hat and all that got a rose in his button- 
 hole. He'll ride in one of these covered 
 things, understand? I'll have another man 
 from the circus to sit up on the ele- 
 phant's head and carry this big banner, 
 'Champion Tablets.' Then I'll have 
 another fellow from the circus to lead the 
 elephant. Go up to drug-store ; this fellow 
 on top carries a kind of ladder and comes 
 down, walks into the drug-store, presents his 
 card, hands the druggist a box of sample 
 packages and walks out. He don't try to 
 sell anything, understand? Let the sales- 
 
THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 243 
 
 man go around later on, understand? All 
 we want to do at the start is to get people 
 to talkin'. I'll tell you that if we start out 
 six elephants in Chicago we'll wake up the 
 whole town. It'll cost ten thousand before 
 we take in a cent, but it'll do the work." 
 
 "I don't believe the city authorities would 
 allow you to take elephants through the 
 street," suggested the book-agent, staring 
 thoughtfully at the hustler. 
 
 "They wouldn't, eh?" demanded the 
 hustler. "Why wouldn't they? Don't they 
 let a circus parade, huh? If they stopped 
 me, do you know what I'd do? I'd apply 
 for an injunction and take the case into the 
 courts. I'd get advertising out of it some 
 wa) T . They might stop me, but I'd have 
 everybody talking about 'Champion Tab- 
 lets.' Do you know what I'm goin' to do 
 with one of them elephants? I know where 
 I can find the man that painted the white 
 elephant for Barnum. I'm goin' to have 
 him paint one of the elephants red, white 
 and blue in stripes, all except on the sides, 
 and there I'm goin' to have 'Champion 
 Tablets' in big letters, black on white. 
 What do you think of that?" 
 
 "Don't you go to leading any red, white 
 
244 DOC ' HORNE 
 
 and blue elephants past this hotel," said the 
 lush. "I saw a green one with pink legs go 
 past one night and I didn't get over it for a 
 week." 
 
 "An elephant is not dangerous if he is 
 properly handled," said Doc' Home. "I 
 remember distinctly " 
 
 Doubtless the company would have had 
 an elephant-taming story had not the fire 
 engine come thundering around the corner. 
 The colony went out to the street with the 
 hope that there would be a successful fire 
 somewhere in the neighborhood, but not too 
 near the Alfalfa. It was disappointed. 
 
 Next night the hustler happened to be sit- 
 ting near when Doc' told the book-agent 
 about the Indian herb treatment. For a 
 week or more the book-agent had com- 
 plained of an aguish sensation. He sat near 
 the steam-heater, with his coat collar turned 
 up, and took little part in the conversation, 
 now and then interjecting something doleful 
 in the way of verse. 
 
 "I was just thinking," began Doc' Home, 
 gazing at his friend as if in solicitude, "that 
 if all the ingredients were accessible I could 
 prepare you a mixture that would set you 
 right in twenty-four hours. So far as I can 
 
THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 245 
 
 judge from your appearance you are suffer- 
 ing from malaria, and possibly you are 
 weakened by some nervous strain. I don't 
 know where I could get the herbs or I'd fix 
 up something for you." 
 
 "Can't you get them at the drug-store?" 
 asked the bicycle youth. 
 
 "I'm afraid not. Some of the herbs are 
 very rare. Did I ever tell you of how I 
 happened to learn the secret of that Indian 
 remedy?" 
 
 The hustler, who had been pulling letters 
 out of his pockets and then putting them back 
 again, squared around and listened alertly. 
 
 "It was on my first or second visit to this 
 part of the country," said Doc'. "I did a 
 great deal of overland traveling about that 
 time, and up near Waukegan, on one of my 
 excursions, I met a very interesting old 
 Indian doctor named Okobonee, which 
 means 'voice of the night,' as it was sup- 
 posed that this medicine man went into the 
 forest at night and held communication with 
 the Great Spirit. The circumstances of our 
 meeting were rather peculiar. I was on 
 horseback and overtook him hobbling 
 through the woods. It seemed that he had 
 climbed a tree in order to pluck some of the 
 
246 
 
 DOC' HORNE 
 
 green leaves growing at the extremities of 
 the branches and, by the way, these leaves 
 happen to be one of the ingredients of the 
 remedy of which I have spoken. He had 
 climbed the tree and had crawled out to get 
 these tender leaves, 
 which were full of the 
 vegetable juice, and 
 in so doing he lost 
 his hold and fell to 
 the ground, turning 
 his ankle. He was 
 quite lame when I 
 overtook him. I dis- 
 mounted and assisted 
 him to get on my 
 horse, and we pro- 
 ceeded to his cabin, 
 or tepee, as you might call it. He was very 
 grateful to me, and insisted that I should 
 remain with him over night. I did so in 
 fact, I remained several days, for I found 
 him a very interesting character. He 
 taught me how to collect and prepare the 
 ingredients for this rerqedy, to which I have 
 referred. It seemed that this remedy had 
 been famous among the Indians for years. 
 I took away quite a bundle of the herbs and 
 
 "I WAS JUST THINKING. 
 
THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 247 
 
 leaves with me, and after I got back to Chi- 
 cago I studied out their botanical names and 
 made up a rough formula of the compound. 
 I used it with remarkable success, occasion- 
 ally; but, as I say, I can't prepare it unless 
 I get out in the woods and find the ingredi- 
 ents. You can't buy them. " 
 
 "Say, Doc', you're foolish," said the 
 hustler, pulling up his coat sleeves. "See 
 here! If you've got that remedy you're a 
 sucker not to do something with it, and I'll 
 tell you why. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, I don't want to go into the patent- 
 medicine business," said Doc', smiling and 
 shaking his head. 
 
 "Oh, rats! There's no need of throwin' 
 away a good thing. See here! Put it up 
 in packages understand? 'Home's Heal- 
 ing Herbs' one big H to do for all three 
 words. Then your picture the goods 
 would sell on the strength of your picture 
 fine-looking, gray-bearded old gentleman, 
 with the autograph, 'Doc' Home,' below." 
 
 "But I'm not really a doctor?" 
 
 "What's the difference? Here, I'll tell 
 you what'd be better still your picture on 
 one side and the picture of the Indian on the 
 other side what's his name?" 
 
248 DOC HORNE 
 
 "Okobonee," replied Doc', unwillingly. 
 
 " 'The secret of Okobonee for the suc- 
 coring of humanity.' What I'm stuck on is 
 the story about this old Indian, and how you 
 met him and learned the secret. That'd 
 make a great pamphlet. Do you think you 
 could put us on to the formula so we could 
 make the stuff?" 
 
 "I suppose so," said Doc', with no enthu- 
 siasm. 
 
 "Well, that wouldn't be so important. 
 We could fake up something, but the name 
 and story ketch me. 'Home's Healing 
 Herbs' 'The story of Okobonee's secret,' 
 and all that kind of stuff. Say, Doc', on the 
 dead, I'd like to talk it over with you, and 
 I'll make you a proposition. We've got to 
 have you in so we can use the big H and 
 have somebody to fasten the Indian story to. 
 The more I think of that Indian story the 
 better I like it." 
 
 "I'm not seeking notoriety," said Doc'. 
 "If that was all I wanted I've had plenty of 
 chances to figure in the newspapers. You 
 can go ahead and get up all the patent 
 medicines you please, but I can't have any- 
 thing to do with it." 
 
 He spoke with such emphasis that the 
 
THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 249 
 
 hustler said: "Oh, well, if you feel that 
 way, all right, but just the same, I want to 
 talk to you again about this business." 
 
 Two days later, much to Doc's surprise, 
 the hustler came with drawings and type- 
 written literature intended to show how 
 "Home's Healing Herbs" could be adver- 
 tised. There was a newspaper "ad" with a 
 big H and a sample label such as would be 
 placed on each half-pound package of the 
 remedy. The label had pictures of 
 Okobonee, with war bonnet and paint, and 
 "Doctor Home" with long whiskers. The 
 hustler explained to Doc' and the others that 
 the "jays" always had more confidence in a 
 doctor with long chin whiskers. When the 
 drawings were passed around the lush con- 
 gratulated Doc' and predicted that he would 
 make a fortune. 
 
 "I know I want a package as soon as you 
 put any on the market," said the lush. 
 "Doc's picture alone is worth the price." 
 
 This irritated Doc', but encouraged the 
 hustler, who read the advertising circular 
 which a literary friend had outlined under 
 his direction: 
 
 Strange that the greatest secret of the nineteenth 
 century should be guarded by one man for nearly 
 
250 DOC HORNE 
 
 fifty years! Strange that there should be living 
 to-day an eminent physician who has at command all 
 the mystic knowledge gathered from Nature by the 
 medicine men of the aborigines ! Stranger still that 
 the priceless remedy, the healing herbs of Okobonee, 
 should be freely offered to suffering humanity by the 
 guardian of this secret ! In the lonely forest, beneath 
 the rustling trees, where every whisper through the 
 branches was as the voice of the Great Spirit, 
 Okobonee, the healer and physician, spent many 
 hours in study of Nature's bountiful resources. He 
 learned the manifold secrets of vegetable creation, 
 and out of his knowledge compounded a sovereign 
 remedy more potent than any drug or mineral poison 
 that ever came from the laboratory of chemist. He 
 used this remedy among his own people the noble 
 red men of the forest. The cures were marvelous 
 almost miraculous. The fame of Okobonee spread 
 from tribe to tribe, and all the sick and ailing from 
 far and near came to receive his ministrations. He 
 waxed old in the service of humanity, but still he 
 continued in the study of Nature and Truth. 
 
 How fortunate that his knowledge did not die with 
 him ! What a blessing that the great boon was not 
 lost to mankind! It was surely nothing else than 
 providence that directed Doctor Home, the eminent 
 physician, to "visit the primeval forest in which 
 Okobonee held silent commune with the forces of 
 Nature, and that greater and immutable force which 
 the savage tribes held in vague reverence as the 
 Great Spirit. Imagine the meeting between these 
 two great men. One, the silent student of Nature, 
 the primeval man of simple knowledge such as 
 comes from a contemplation of God's handiwork, 
 
THE STORY OF OKOBONEE 251 
 
 although lacking that finer culture imparted by mod- 
 ern civilization ; the other the representative of 
 advanced thought; of all that is modern and pro- 
 gressive in science, a student whose researches 
 have penetrated every department of human knowl- 
 
 SBltegHerirf 
 
 gS^OTB 
 
 IMBiMlE 
 
 "THE HUSTLER CAME WITH DRAWINGS." 
 
 edge. Yielding to the solicitation of many friends, 
 who know the unprecedented virtues of the remedy 
 of Okobonee, Dr. Calvin Home, the renowned prac- 
 titioner and master of materia medica, has consented 
 to send the magic preparation into all parts of the 
 world, that suffering and disease-ridden humanity 
 may take hope. Home's Healing Herbs are put up 
 in uniform packages of one-half pound each, and the 
 price is 
 
 "I'm in favor of makin' it two dollars," 
 said the hustler. "The more you charge 
 'em, the better they think it is." 
 
252 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "Oh, pshaw!" said Doc', with a smile and 
 a slow shake of the head. 
 
 "I can find plenty o' capital to back it," 
 said the hustler, putting the papers into his 
 pocket. 
 
 "Let's not be in any hurry," said Doc'. 
 
 The lush winked at the dentist. They 
 could see that Doc' was yielding. 
 
CHAPTER XXIII 
 
 THE HUSTLER DISAPPEARS 
 
 The Okobonee Medicine Company, when 
 organized to manufacture Home's Healing 
 Herbs, was to receive the financial support 
 of a capitalist whom the hustler was not at 
 liberty to designate until all the terms had 
 been arranged. Doc' continued to listen to 
 the generous promises made by the hustler, 
 but he never agreed to become a responsible 
 partner in the medicine company. At the 
 same time he dallied and doubted, remem- 
 bering that other men had made large 
 fortunes by the manufacture and sale of 
 proprietary remedies. The hustler an- 
 nounced that he had given up all plans in 
 relation to Champion Tablets and was devot- 
 ing his entire time to "interesting" the 
 capital which was to enable him to put a 
 full-page advertisement in every metropoli- 
 tan newspaper in the United States. His 
 projects were large but indefinite, and his 
 talk, when well prolonged, had a hollow 
 sound. One day, when he sought to borrow 
 253 
 
254 OC' HORNE 
 
 two dollars, Doc' lost faith in him and said: 
 "My dear sir, it occurs to me that there is no 
 need of any further talk regarding this 
 medicine enterprise. As you know, I have 
 permitted you to outline your plans to me, 
 and have hesitated to put a final and definite 
 veto to your suggestions because you have 
 seemed so much in earnest and have sug- 
 gested to me that your financial welfare 
 depended on my willingness to cooperate 
 with you. I take it that you are without 
 capital. So far as I am concerned, I have 
 none which is free for investment at this 
 time. Putting aside the rather vague 
 generalities in which we have dealt up to 
 this time, I ask you the direct question, 
 have you the money to carry out this 
 project?" 
 
 "I hope to get it," replied the hustler. "I 
 was talkin' to a party yesterday." 
 
 The hustler seemed almost discouraged, 
 but he brightened when Doc' said: "In 
 regard to the loan, I think I can let you have 
 the amount you mention. I feel under some 
 obligations to you, but as this whole enter- 
 prise is yours I can't see why I should be 
 involved in it. So count me out. " 
 
 "Do you mean it?" 
 
THE HUSTLER DISAPPEARS 255 
 
 "Absolutely." 
 
 "I'd like to use your picture and that 
 story." 
 
 "Use what you please, so that you omit 
 the name of Calvin Home." 
 
 "Just as you say, Doc'. I'll hand you this 
 two some time," putting the money into his 
 pocket. 
 
 Next day he had gone from the hotel, 
 owing Ike Francis six dollars for room rent. 
 
 The freckled boy then announced that he 
 had "sized" the hustler fora "pan-handler" 
 from the very start. 
 
 Doc' felt relieved that the man had gone 
 and taken his temptations with him. The 
 riddance was worth two dollars. 
 
CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 DOC IS ARRESTED 
 
 One evening in November, two days 
 after the hustler disappeared, and only one 
 day before the den- 
 tist found Miss Mil- 
 bury, Calvin Home, 
 sitting in the office 
 of the Alfalfa Euro- 
 pean Hotel and talk- 
 ing Shakespeare with 
 the book-agent, was 
 arrested on a criminal 
 warrant charging 
 him with obtaining 
 mone y im der false 
 pretenses. 
 
 "Yes, sir, my name 
 is Home," he an- 
 
 "TALKING SHAKESPEARE." Swere d, looking Up 
 
 at the large man who interrupted the talk. 
 
 "I'm an officer," said this plain-clothes 
 
 man, lifting his coat to show a heavy star 
 
 which was on the vest, away back under the 
 
DOC' IS ARRESTED 257 
 
 armhole. "I got a warrant for you. Do 
 you know about it?" 
 
 "Do I what do you mean, sir?" de- 
 manded Doc', staring hard and throwing 
 away his cigar. 
 
 "I think there must be some mistake," 
 said the book-agent. "This is Doctor 
 Home." 
 
 "Colvin Home," read the officer, looking 
 at the warrant. 
 
 "Calvin," corrected Doc'. 
 
 "You're the man, all right," said the 
 officer. "Don't try none o' your funny 
 business with me. I been workin' on the 
 case saw you here to-day, and had you 
 pointed out to me." 
 
 "What in God's name is the meaning of 
 all this?" asked Doc', taking hold of the 
 book-agent's arm. 
 
 "I can read this if you want to hear it, " 
 said the officer. "The charge is obtainin' 
 money." 
 
 "This is all Greek to me," said Doc'. 
 "It's simply a mistake that's all." 
 
 "Who swore out the warrant?" asked the 
 book-agent. 
 
 He and Doc' had arisen and stood facing 
 the big man in plain clothes, who gave the 
 
258 DOC' HORNE 
 
 book-agent one condemning glance, which 
 meant, "As if both of you didn't know!" 
 and then he replied: "A man named Park- 
 man." 
 
 "I never heard of him," said Doc'. 
 
 "I s'pose you never heard- of a fake medi- 
 cine company, neither did you?" asked the 
 officer. "You can tell the judge all about it 
 in the morning." 
 
 "Medicine company! Has that fellow 
 involved me in one of his rascally schemes? 
 Officer, do you mean to say that I, Calvin 
 Home, am arrested on a charge of obtaining 
 money under false pretenses? I'll have you 
 understand, sir, that I never touched a 
 penny of soiled money in my life. " 
 
 "Say, I ain't tryin' this case, you know," 
 said the officer. "You and this fellow was 
 pardners, wasn't you?" 
 
 "No, sir!" 
 
 "What's the matter, Doc'?" asked the 
 freckled boy, pushing a curious transient 
 out of the way. 
 
 "It appears, my boy, that I am under 
 arrest," said Doc', who held a handkerchief 
 in his trembling hand and now wiped his 
 face with it. 
 
 "Pinched?' 
 
DOC' IS ARRESTED 259 
 
 "It's the fault of that scoundrel who 
 wanted to get Doc' into the medicine com- 
 pany," said the book-agent. "He's the 
 man you want to arrest," he added, turning 
 to the officer. "Where is he?" 
 
 "How do I know?" Then to Doc': "Are 
 you ready to go with me?" 
 
 "Go with you?" asked Doc'. "Go 
 where?" 
 
 "Where do people usually go when 
 they're arrested? Over to the station- 
 house." 
 
 "I warn you, sir, I warn you," said Doc', 
 with upraised and threatening forefinger. 
 "This arrest is a mistake, sir a hideous 
 outrage, my man, and some one will suffer 
 for it." 
 
 "Oh, that's all right," said the officer, 
 with a tolerant grin. "If you've got any 
 friends you can give bail to-night and square 
 the whole thing in the morning. There's 
 no need of gettiii' worked up about it." 
 
 "Indeed!" 
 
 "I can see that the officer isn't to blame," 
 said the book-agent. "He is simply doing 
 his duty. I dare say you can arrange the 
 matter of bail as soon as you get over there. " 
 
 "You can get bailed out along about mid- 
 
260 DOC' HORNE 
 
 night," said the plain-clothes man. "The 
 judge comes down about that time. Mebbe 
 you can get him sooner if you know him. ' ' 
 
 "And in the meantime, sir?" 
 
 "Well, you ain't any better than anybody 
 else, are you? Do you know the captain?" 
 
 "Do you mean, sir, that I that after 
 being arrested on some preposterous charge 
 I may be thrown into a locked up?" 
 
 "Well, I don't know where else you could 
 be put." 
 
 "My God!" 
 
 Doc' sank back into his chair, breathing 
 loudly. The plain-clothes man seemed sur- 
 prised that any one should be so agitated 
 over the everyday ceremony of an arrest. 
 The book-agent laid his hand on Doc's 
 shoulder and recited, solemnly : 
 
 "Right forever on the scaffold, 
 Wrong forever on the throne." 
 
 The freckled boy had hurried to the res- 
 taurant and given the alarm to the dentist 
 and the lush, who were dividing a sirloin 
 steak. 
 
 All three came in the front door with a 
 run and a slam, the dentist being the first to 
 reach Doc'. 
 
DOC IS ARRESTED 261 
 
 "What does this mean, Doc'?" he 
 demanded. 
 
 "I don't know," replied Doc', slowly 
 lifting his head. Tears were in his eyes. 
 
 The book-agent explained. 
 
 "You don't mean to say that you've 
 arrested him?" demanded the dentist, turn- 
 ing to the officer. 
 
 "What if I have?" asked the plain-clothes 
 man. 
 
 "Well, if you have, it's a confounded 
 shame!" said the dentist, lifting his voice. 
 
 "Smash him!" said the freckled boy, in a 
 disguised voice, with his hand over his 
 mouth. 
 
 The officer turned quickly to make 
 trouble. 
 
 "Shut up!" ordered the lush, and he 
 stepped up to take command of the situa- 
 tion. "Do I understand, officer, that you 
 have a warrant for Mr. Home?" 
 
 "I've served the warrant, and I don't 
 know who you are cuttin' in here." 
 
 "I am simply one of his friends, that's all. 
 Let's not lose our tempers. I guess you 
 know as well as any of us that Mr. Home 
 here can give any bond up to a million dol- 
 lars if you allow him time to notify his 
 
262 DOC' HORNE 
 
 friends. It won't be necessary for him to 
 go to the station at all, will it?" 
 
 "Of course it will!" replied the officer, 
 amazed. 
 
 4 'If we can bring to you here, within an 
 hour, messages from the mayor and the 
 chief to guarantee his appearance at any 
 time or place, then will it be necessary for 
 him to go?" 
 
 "He can't give no bond unless he goes to 
 the station," said the plain-clothes man, who 
 began to look at Doc' with a new interest. 
 
 "Hurry out and get me four messenger 
 boys- quick!" said the lush to the freckled 
 boy. "What magistrate is on duty to- 
 night?" 
 
 "Ramsay, I think." 
 
 "He and Mr. Home are brother members 
 of the Loyal Legion. Great heavens! 
 Some one is going to sweat for this 
 to-morrow." Then to the other members 
 of the colony: "It's a good thing the war- 
 rant got into the hands of a man who knows 
 how to be decent in a case of this kind." 
 He put his hand on Doc's shoulder and said, 
 consolingly: "We'll simply walk over to the 
 captain's office and sit there until we can 
 arrange the bond. If there's any delay 
 
DOC' IS ARRESTED 263 
 
 we'll have Judge Thompson, Col. Munster 
 and Alec Moody there by ten o'clock." 
 
 He led the plain-clothes man to one side 
 and whispered to him: "Doc', there, is Alec 
 Moody's cousin." 
 
 Alec Moody was the king of criminal 
 lawyers, a millionaire, a power at the city 
 hall. Judge Thompson had been "men- 
 tioned" as a candidate for mayor. Col. 
 Munster was a broker and the treasurer of 
 the Policemen's Benevolent Association. 
 
 "One of you speak to Cap', and I think 
 he'll let him stay right in the office," said 
 the plain-clothes man. "It'd be a dirty 
 shame to throw him downstairs. He might 
 get in with a bum or a Chinaman, or any one. ' ' 
 
 "Why, it would be dreadful a man of 
 his age!" said the lush. "He's nearly 
 eighty years old. He doesn't look it, but 
 that's what he is. When we walk over to 
 the station you won't take hold of him, or 
 anything like that?" 
 
 "I guess it ain't necessary." 
 
 "And let me walk along with him. You 
 won't lose anything by treating him well. 
 This whole thing is a put-up job." 
 
 "He seems to be a quiet old guy don't 
 look to me like a crook." 
 
264 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "I'd like to get hold of the idiot that 
 swore out this warrant." 
 
 "I think we'd better go over to the sta- 
 tion," said the plain-clothes man. "I've got 
 to let 'em know I served the warrant." 
 
 "Just as soon as I arrange for those mes- 
 sages." 
 
 The members of the colony had listened 
 in numb admiration to the masterful lying 
 of the lush, and none ventured to assist. 
 The freckled boy came with two mes- 
 sengers. The lush took him over to the 
 counter and gave whispered instructions to 
 hold the boys there until Doc' had gone. 
 Then he walked up to Doc' and said: "We'll 
 go over there and arrange this business. It 
 won't take long." 
 
 Doc' arose, white, his face suddenly 
 drawn with the thinness of age, and said: 
 "If I am to be incarcerated, I protest 
 with " 
 
 "Nothing of the kind," said the lush, and 
 he laughed as he took hold of Doc's arm. 
 "A mere formality." 
 
 He went ahead, with Doc' by his side. 
 The plain-clothes man followed, with the 
 dentist for his mate. The book-agent lum- 
 bered behind. As they passed out to the 
 
DOC' IS ARRESTED 265 
 
 street they heard the freckled boy explain- 
 ing the incident to a group of awed tran- 
 sients and saying: "If ever I get a crack at 
 that lobster he'll have to take a trip layin' 
 down, feet first." 
 
 The five, on their way to the station, 
 fought the cold wind along a narrow street 
 between high buildings, dark and forbid- 
 ding. As they came to the iron steps of the 
 station-house (a square brick building on a 
 corner), the lush hurried in ahead of the 
 others and the plain-clothes man moved up 
 to catch step with Doc'. 
 
 It was a bare, rectangular room, with two 
 iron posts to support the ceiling. At one 
 end, in a recess shut off by a wire screen, 
 sat a large man in his shirt sleeves. He 
 had gray hair and mustache, and was read- 
 ing an evening paper through a pair of 
 steel-bowed spectacles. An overhead lamp 
 threw a glare about him. This man was the 
 desk sergeant. From a room behind the 
 recess came the buzz of muffled tele- 
 phones. 
 
 The lush was standing by an open door 
 marked "Captain," and he beckoned to 
 Doc', saying: "Step right in here until we 
 can get the papers made out." At this the 
 
266 DOC' HORNE 
 
 desk sergeant peered out from behind the 
 screen. The plain- clothes man went over 
 to the window and explained to him. 
 
 One gas jet was burning low in the cap- 
 tain's room. Doc' sat in a broad arm-chair 
 and looked at the floor. Both the dentist 
 and the book-agent went in with him, but 
 they sat helpless, because they could not 
 say anything to suit the occasion. The 
 lush was pleading with the desk sergeant, 
 who said that the judge always came 
 between eleven o'clock and midnight, and 
 couldn't and wouldn't be sent for any 
 sooner. 
 
 The freckled boy arrived with a prepared 
 speech, enumerating the influential poli- 
 ticians who had been notified and who 
 might appear at any moment. The desk 
 sergeant listened with a grin, suggestive of 
 doubt. In order to get rid of this element 
 of danger, the lush sent the boy to the 
 magistrate's residence far out on the south 
 side, as he had learned that the magistrate 
 was attending a political club dinner down- 
 town. 
 
 It meant a wait. The lush buttoned his 
 overcoat and went out into the street. He 
 walked north until he came to a place where 
 
DOC' IS ARRESTED 
 
 267 
 
 drinks were fifteen cents each, and there he 
 drank two high allowances of whisky. 
 
 Back at the station a whispering reporter 
 led him into a dim corner and wanted to 
 know something about the man Home, who 
 had been arrested. 
 The lush told the 
 reporter to go to 
 the devil and sug- 
 gested that he 
 would th rash any 
 person who put 
 anything about 
 Doc' into any 
 newspaper. 
 
 He went into 
 the captain's office 
 and began to out- 
 line to Doc' his 
 plan for revenge. 
 The dentist 
 begged him to re- 
 main quiet. He 
 went out and took another drink. 
 
 At last the magistrate came, and the pris- 
 oners who had been waiting in the basement 
 cells were brought up and stood in a line 
 across the big room men sleepy drunk; 
 
 THE MAGISTRATE. 
 
268 DOC HORNE 
 
 men with bruised faces ; chalky women with 
 their hats pulled forward, who showed a 
 weary and smiling contempt for this familiar 
 process of taxation. Doc' did not come out 
 until the others had signed their names and 
 paid their dollars. Only those who could 
 pay the fees and get the guarantee of a 
 bondsman were released. As no member 
 of the colony was a property owner, the 
 lush had found a negro who made a busi- 
 ness of signing bonds. Doc' came out with 
 his mournful escort, and wrote his name on 
 a paper laid before him. The dentist paid 
 a dollar to the magistrate and another to the 
 negro. The police reporter stood by and 
 watched through half-closed eyes. He was 
 smoking a bulldog pipe. 
 
 "Nine o'clock in the morning," said the 
 desk sergeant, blotting the signatures. 
 
 "Come on, Doc'," said the lush. 
 
 Doc' followed him without giving sign 
 that he had heard. As they moved toward 
 the door the freckled boy entered, breathing 
 heavily. 
 
 "I couldn't find his nobs," he said. 
 "You fixed it, did you?" 
 
 "Yes all right," replied the dentist, 
 sharply. 
 
DOC' IS ARRESTED 269 
 
 As soon as they were outside the lush 
 gave a long groan of relief and then turned 
 to look up at the station-house. 
 
 "Oh, temple of justice!" he said, remov- 
 ing his hat. "Hooray for the palladium of 
 our liberties! All I want to do is to smash 
 one o' those windows. I've had five drinks, 
 and I'm going to have fifty-five more." 
 
 He walked out into the street to find 
 something to throw at the window. The 
 dentist and the freckled boy had to pull 
 at him to induce him to follow Doc' and the 
 book-agent. 
 
 Doc' did not seem to observe that the lush 
 had broken his promise. He did not speak 
 during the walk back to the hotel. 
 
CHAPTER XXV 
 
 THE TRIAL 
 
 The members of the colony saw a mention 
 of the arrest in the morning papers, and 
 hoped that Doc' would overlook it. 
 
 The dentist went to Doc's room at seven 
 o'clock and the old man was not there. He 
 had gone for a walk. The lush and the 
 freckled boy were at the bar early. They 
 had assisted Steve in closing it the night 
 before. 
 
 The dentist took breakfast with the book- 
 agent at the restaurant, and when they came 
 back into the hotel Doc' was sitting there 
 reading his favorite newspaper, now his 
 enemy. 
 
 The item was much the same in all the 
 morning papers. The colony concluded 
 that it had been sent out in duplicate by a 
 news bureau. 
 
 A FAKE MEDICINE COMPANY. 
 
 TWO SMOOTH CITIZENS WHO GOT THE BEST OF GULLI- 
 BLE BUSINESS MEN. 
 
 Calvin Home, otherwise known as "Doc" Home, 
 was arrested at the Alfalfa Hotel last evening by 
 Detective Clancy, of central detail, charged with 
 270 
 
THE TRIAL 271 
 
 having obtained money under false pretenses. The 
 warrant was sworn out by Oscar Parkman, of the 
 printing house of Parkman, Benedict and Blair, who 
 alleges that other business houses have been 
 victimized as well. It is said that Home and a 
 partner named Jackson H. Smith, both of whom have 
 been living at the Alfalfa Hotel, claimed to be at the 
 head of a concern called The Okobonee Medicine 
 Company, with a capital of $100,000 and the backing 
 of several substantial citizens. "Doctor" Horne 
 posed as the president of the company and Smith 
 was supposed to be secretary and treasurer. They 
 represented to several business houses that the "com- 
 pany" had rented an entire floor in the new Gunnison 
 building and was about to do extensive advertising. 
 So plausible were the claims made by the duo that 
 Mr. Parkman advanced $2 5 in cash and gave credit 
 for $18 worth of printing. On Monday he became 
 suspicious and started an investigation which 
 developed the fact that the prominent "stock- 
 holders" knew nothing about the "Okobonee Medicine 
 Company." Smith cannot be found by the police 
 and it is supposed that he has left the city. Horne, 
 who is about 60 years old and is said to hold a minor 
 position in the government building, professed 
 surprise and indignation when taken into custody 
 last evening. He will have a preliminary hearing 
 before Justice Ramsay this morning. 
 
 "Gentlemen, have you seen this infamous 
 publication?" asked Doc', as he held the 
 paper toward them. His eyes were blood- 
 shot, and he had the pallor of a sick man, the 
 
272 DOC' HORNE 
 
 corners of his mouth being drawn downward 
 as if by physical suffering. He spoke quietly. 
 
 " 'Be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as 
 snow, thou shalt not escape calumny,' " 
 quoted the book-agent. 
 
 "I wouldn't worry about that, Doc','' said 
 the dentist. "They'll have to take every 
 word of it back. Have you been to break- 
 fast?" 
 
 "Breakfast? no. What time is it?" 
 
 "We'll start over there in about a half an 
 hour. I was wondering if you wanted a 
 lawyer. ' ' 
 
 "What have I done that I should require 
 a lawyer?" 
 
 "Nothing, only I thought " 
 
 "I will not dignify this contemptible 
 attack by offering a defense. Let the accu- 
 sation fall of its own rottenness. Besides, 
 the plot has succeeded. I am in the dock. 
 The taint has been put on me. That's all 
 the craven hound wanted, whoever he is. 
 Smith was a puppet nothing more. I will 
 be in my room when you gentlemen are 
 ready to go." 
 
 He arose, pushing on the arms of the 
 chair to lift himself, and walked over to the 
 elevator. 
 
THE TRIAL 273 
 
 The lush and the freckled boy came out 
 from the bar-room and saw him. They 
 were flushed and odorous. 
 
 "That thing'll be straightened out in the 
 papers, Doc'," said the freckled boy, going 
 over to him. "We won't stand for nothin' 
 like that. They'll put in a piece an' get the 
 whole thing right or we'll start somethin'. 
 You see if we don't." 
 
 "You do nothing of the kind," said Doc', 
 without looking at him. He stepped into 
 the elevator and rode upward. 
 
 The colony held an indignation meeting 
 full of threats and vituperation. The 
 bicycle salesman, who had been absent the 
 night before, came in to hear the account of 
 the lush's strategy to save Doc' from a cell. 
 
 "Well, they can't prove anything against 
 Doc', do you s'pose?" asked the bicycle 
 youth. 
 
 This was the first time that any one had 
 raised a question as to the outcome of the 
 trial. The book-agent quoted, this time 
 from Doc'. He said: "The charge will fall 
 of its own rottenness." 
 
 Five members of the colony followed Doc* 
 out of the hotel and over to the police sta- 
 tion. Doc' was calmer than he had been the 
 
274 
 
 DOC HORNE 
 
 night before, and the freckled boy remarked : 
 "He's got his nerve with him all right, all 
 right." 
 
 In the big room at the station were patrol- 
 men in uniform, unbuttoned and uncombed 
 lawyers smoking 
 ragged cigars, fat 
 negro women with- 
 ^ out hats, puffy men 
 / in striped clothes, 
 / drooping men in 
 soiled garments and 
 a few plain-clothes 
 men, including Clan- 
 cy, who did not seem 
 pleased to see the 
 lush again. 
 
 The colony pushed 
 through the waiting 
 room and into the 
 court room, which 
 was a dusky place, 
 
 the only light from the outside filtering in 
 through two windows that opened on an 
 alley. Crowded on the parallel benches 
 which faced the magistrate's high seat 
 were men in sun-bleached clothes who 
 smelled of smoke and drink, glistening 
 
 "THE CHARGE WILL FALL. 
 
THE TRIAL 275 
 
 negroes, veiled women, gaping- and dirty 
 boys without collars, giggling women with 
 flowery hats, and a few women tightly 
 veiled. Placid Chinamen were here, and 
 restless Italians and the usual filling of 
 curious loafers. Doc' and his companions slid 
 into a bench near the back wall. A bailiff 
 was pushing at the people who crowded for- 
 ward in the main aisle and noisily commanded 
 every one to "Go on now! Get seats!" 
 
 The trials began with twenty men and 
 women crowding and pushing one another 
 inside of the railing. The murmur of talk 
 and the noise of shuffling feet prevented the 
 people on the benches from hearing any of 
 the talk between the magistrate and those 
 who were jostling about in front of him. 
 Now and then the clerk bawled out the 
 names of defendants, some of whom were 
 waiting on the benches and others of whom 
 were being brought up from below and 
 shoved into the keeping of the officers who 
 had arrested them. After a defendant had 
 been discharged he had to fight his way out 
 of the compact group in front of the court. 
 The defendant found guilty was dragged 
 out of the crowd by a policeman and led 
 over to the clerk's cage to pay his fine. If 
 
276 DOC HORNE 
 
 he could not pay he was led down the stair- 
 way into the basement, to await the after- 
 noon wagon to the bridewell. 
 
 Justice moved with scorching speed here. 
 Sixty cases had been disposed of drunken- 
 ness, petty thievery, assault, vagrancy, 
 opium smoking, disorderly conduct before 
 the clerk shouted: "Calvin Home, Oscar 
 Parkman, Officer Clancy!" 
 
 "Come on, boys," said the lush. "Stick 
 to him." 
 
 They followed him up the aisle and 
 pushed behind him, through the gate and 
 up to the high desk protecting the court. 
 
 "Are the parties here?" asked the justice. 
 "Where's let's see where's Home?" 
 
 "I am he," said Doc', who had been 
 blocked by a large man with red hair. 
 
 "Well, get up here closer, where we can 
 take a look at you. Let him past you there. 
 (This to the red-headed man.) What are 
 you waiting here for? Your case is over. 
 Get out and make room for some of these 
 other people. Where's Parkman?" 
 
 "Here!" said a small man, with close side 
 whiskers of brown and a pair of concave 
 eye-glasses. The members of the colony 
 tiptoed to get a look at the man. 
 
THE TRIAL 277 
 
 Doc' said, "Not guilty." 
 
 "And who are all these?" demanded the 
 court, frowning at the five who were close 
 behind Doc'. 
 
 "We are witnesses, your honor," said the 
 lush. "That is, if you need us, which I 
 don't think you will." 
 
 "I'll decide as to that," said the court. 
 "Be sworn." 
 
 A mumbling oath was recited by a busy 
 clerk. The court looked at the plain-clothes 
 man and asked: "What do you know about 
 the case, Clancy?" 
 
 "I served the warrant, your honor. All I 
 know is that this man" (indicating Doc') 
 "and the fellow Smith that got the money 
 from Mr. Parkman here lived together at 
 that hotel down there, and had got up some 
 kind of a company together, and " 
 
 "I deny it!" said Doc'. 
 
 "We'll hear from you later," said the 
 court, addressing Doc'. Then to Mr. Park- 
 man: "Did this man get any property from 
 you on false pretenses? Tell your story, 
 and cut it short." 
 
 "I want to show you these," began the 
 complainant, taking two cards from his 
 pocket and handing them to the court. 
 
278 DOC' HORNE 
 
 "Those are the business cards of the fraud- 
 ulent concern. This man claimed to be the 
 president of the company." 
 
 "He didn't," growled the freckled boy, 
 from his place of shelter behind the dentist. 
 
 "You fellows keep still," said the court, 
 turning to Doc's witnesses. 
 
 "Ask this man if he ever saw me before," 
 said Doc', who had turned a stern and 
 unfaltering gaze on Parkman. 
 
 "Is this the man who got the money?" 
 asked the court. 
 
 "His partner got it." 
 
 "You told me when you swore out the 
 warrant that this man had got money and 
 merchandise from you under false pre- 
 tenses," said the court. 
 
 "Well, he did get it, indirectly/' 
 
 "How do you know he did?" 
 
 "Because he and Smith were partners. 
 The card there shows that this man was 
 president of the company. ' ' 
 
 "That's no proof. Are you sure they 
 were in partnership?" 
 
 "They lived together at this hotel and 
 hatched up this whole scheme. I can 
 prove it. ' ' 
 
 "Yes, you can!" said the lush. 
 
THE TRIAL 279 
 
 "Hush," said Doc'. "Let this gentleman 
 conclude or perhaps he has concluded." 
 
 "Did you ever see this man before?" 
 asked the court, addressing Parkman. 
 
 "Well no, but his partner, Smith " 
 
 "Prov r e that partnership," said Doc', 
 with measured slowness, as he raised his fist 
 and brought it down on the desk in front of 
 him. "Your honor, I have no interest in this 
 hearing further than to ascertain whether 
 this attack on me was prompted by a 
 malicious desire to smirch my reputation or 
 was due to the asinine stupidity of this per- 
 son on my left." 
 
 "Give it to him, Doc'," said the freckled 
 boy, speaking over the dentist's shoulder. 
 
 "For the first time in my life I stand in a 
 dock to answer a criminal charge," said 
 Doc', turning to the right and then to the 
 left, addressing not only the court, but the 
 loitering policemen and reporters. "What 
 is the basis for this charge? This man 
 had been told that I was in partnership 
 with a scoundrel to whom he had loaned 
 money. " 
 
 "Smith told me," said the complainant, 
 squinting at the court through his glasses. 
 
 "You haven't got any case, "said the 
 
280 DOC' HORNE 
 
 court, shaking his head slowly, as if he were 
 sorry to be compelled to say it. 
 
 "Well, I have good reasons for thinking 
 they were in cahoots," said Parkman, per- 
 sistently. 
 
 "That's all," said the court, with decision. 
 "Dismissed!" 
 
 All turned to move out of the pen and were 
 elbowing for the gate when Parkman turned 
 and exclaimed: "Your honor! Your honor!" 
 
 "Well, what is it?" 
 
 "This man here (pointing at the freckled 
 boy) has just now threatened me. He 
 said he'd poke me in the eye when we got 
 outside." 
 
 "My goodness, you believe everything 
 people tell you, don't you?" asked the lush, 
 grinning at Parkman. 
 
 "Say, your honor, I never spoke to him 
 at all," said the freckled boy. "I don't 
 want nothin' to do with him." 
 
 "Why, this boy wouldn't harm a fly," 
 said the lush. "All we're goin' to do to 
 Mr. Parkman is sue him for fifty thousand 
 for false arrest. ' ' 
 
 "If he pokes you in the eye, you swear 
 out a warrant for him," said the court to 
 Parkman. 
 
THE TRIAL 
 
 281 
 
 Doc* had walked ahead with the dentist, 
 the book-agent and the bicycle salesman. 
 The salesman had offended Doc' by trying 
 to shake hands and 
 bubble his congratu- 
 lations. 
 
 "I trust you did 
 
 not admit the possi- ~^ A \\\ 
 
 bility of any other ra^SSNlU. 
 
 result, ' ' said Doc'. 
 "I desire no con- 
 gratulations. ' ' 
 
 "Oh!" said the 
 salesman. 
 
 "Wait a minute!" 
 shouted the freckled 
 boy, as he followed "THE BICYCLE SALESMAN." 
 them out of the station. "Let's hang around 
 here till that guy comes out Say, he's 
 scared stiff." 
 
 "He is beneath our contempt," said Doc'. 
 "Come, gentlemen," and he led the way 
 with the book-agent. The dentist and the 
 bicycle salesman hurried to their places of 
 employment. The lush and the freckled 
 boy went away together. They had con- 
 ducted themselves as chums ever since 
 Doc's arrest, forgetting their past differ- 
 
282 DOC' HORNE 
 
 ences in the strenuous effort to save Doc' 
 and punish his persecutors. The freckled 
 boy had an intermittent job as collector for 
 a laundry, but he had not displayed any 
 money since the catastrophe at the race 
 track. It was believed in the colony that 
 the lush paid the expenses of the all-day 
 and all-night celebration which followed the 
 triumphant acquittal. 
 
 The newspapers failed to mention the fact 
 that Doc' had been cleared of the charge 
 against him. Their silence was thought to 
 be unjust, inasmuch as they had told of the 
 arrest, so the book-agent sent a long letter 
 to each of the dailies demanding fair play, 
 but the letter was not printed, and the 
 freckled boy always insisted that Parkman 
 had "stacked the cards." 
 
CHAPTER XXVI 
 
 UNITED 
 
 The dentist came into the hotel at 5 
 p. m., and found Ike Francis behind the 
 counter, asleep. 
 
 "Where's Doc'?" he asked, in a loud 
 voice. 
 
 Mr. Francis looked up and drowsily 
 recognized the speaker. 
 
 44 In his room ain't been out since noon," 
 he replied. 
 
 The dentist had vague fears as he ran up 
 the stairway. He was relieved to find Doc' 
 sitting under the double gas-light, reading a 
 book, which he threw on the bed when the 
 dentist spoke to him. 
 
 "Doc', what do you think?" 
 
 "I am in no condition to think. The 
 occurrences of the last twenty-four hours 
 have unnerved me." 
 
 "Well, I met her to-day." 
 
 "Her?" 
 
 "Miss Milbury ran right into her on 
 283 
 
284 DOC HORNE 
 
 State Street. And say, she was looking 
 fine. And what do you think, Doc'? She 
 seems to be at least ten pounds lighter than 
 she was last spring." 
 
 "Indeed!" 
 
 "I went right up to her. I don't know 
 why but I couldn't help it. She didn't 
 know how to treat me at first. She was 
 polite, but well, not very cordial. She 
 wanted to know why I never answered her 
 letter. Do you know what I did? I told 
 her I never received it. I didn't know any 
 other way out of it. ' ' 
 
 "I told you to answer that letter." 
 
 "She asked about you too, Doc'." 
 
 Doc' stroked his chin-beard and glanced 
 hesitatingly at the dentist. 
 
 "Do you think did she say anything 
 about that infamous publication?" 
 
 "No, of course not. Why, nobody will 
 see that. ' ' 
 
 "Every friend I have in the city will 
 see it. They won't believe it, but the dis- 
 grace is there, my dear sir the fact that I 
 have stood in the dock. If this had hap- 
 pened thirty years ago I would have shot 
 Parkman dead as he stood there in that 
 court room. ' ' 
 
UNITED 285 
 
 "Doc', I'm going out there to call 
 to-night. ' ' 
 
 Doc' shifted in his chair and seemed ill at 
 ease under the beaming smile of the dentist. 
 
 "I have thought several times that I 
 would recall to your attention a little con- 
 versation we had away last summer," he 
 said. "You seemed to attach considerable 
 significance to it at the time. I told you 
 that Miss Milbury might, possibly, when she 
 became quite old, say fifty or over, be 
 somewhat stout at any rate, stouter than 
 she is at present. If my memory serves me, 
 I made no prediction, but simply said, in an 
 off-hand way, that she might become 
 heavier in time. If you find that you still 
 have a fondness for this admirable and 
 most talented young lady, I hope to God 
 that nothing I said to you, in jest, at that 
 time, will deter you from paying her your 
 attentions. If you search through the world 
 from now until doomsday, I don't believe 
 you'll ever find a woman more qualified in 
 every particular to become the wife of a 
 man who has all the noble qualities which 
 are revealed in you." 
 
 "Put her there, Doc'," said the dentist, 
 extending his hand. His chin trembled and 
 
286 DOC' HORNE 
 
 he blinked as he took hold of the out- 
 stretched hand. 
 
 4 'I'm glad you feel that way. You're 
 right, too. She's the finest girl I ever met. 
 Will you go out there with me again some 
 night?" 
 
 Doc' shook his head slowly. 
 
 "Not after what has happened," he said. 
 "A blemish has been put on my reputation. 
 I have been held up to the public gaze as a 
 swindler and confidence man. I have no 
 desire to compromise two good women by 
 going into their home as a guest. If they 
 have not heard what has happened, they 
 will hear it soon enough. They may not 
 believe the slander, but as long as I am 
 under this cloud, I have no desire to force 
 myself on comparative strangers. I would 
 prove an embarrassment to you, perhaps a 
 hindrance to your plans. No, sir ; I cannot 
 go." 
 
 Thereafter he consistently refused to call 
 on the Milburys, although the dentist went 
 every evening. 
 
CHAPTER XXVII 
 
 DOC' GOES AWAY 
 
 One day in December Doc' received a 
 telegram announcing- the death of a sister in 
 an Ohio town. He went to the funeral, and 
 was absent from the hotel for six days. 
 After he returned he confided to the dentist 
 that he had come into about $15,000 of his 
 sister's estate. At first the dentist thought 
 there might be some mistake, but Doc' had 
 letters from the lawyers, and he showed a 
 copy of the will. 
 
 This news caused rejoicing at the hotel, 
 and Doc' was congratulated by all members 
 of the colony. He, alone, was unmoved by 
 his good fortune. He said he had made 
 fortunes and lost fortunes and given away 
 fortunes all his life, and he didn't imagine 
 that any acquisition of wealth meant very 
 much to a man of his age and temperament. 
 
 Ever since the arrest and the trial, Doc' 
 
 had shown a moody indifference to all events 
 
 around him. The dentist's love affair was 
 
 now off his conscience. The first attempt 
 
 287 
 
288 DOC' HORNE 
 
 to reform the lush having failed, Doc' did 
 not renew the effort." As he sat with the 
 
 J 
 
 "THE LEDGES OF THE TOWN WERE WHITE." 
 
 evening group he was courteous and 
 tolerant, even when the freckled boy offered 
 his heathen dogmas, but he seldom told a 
 story, and never showed a lively interest in 
 one that was being told. He who had 
 dominated the company and shown himself 
 
DOC' GOES AWAY 289 
 
 the cheering influence became a restraint on 
 the good-fellowship. 
 
 The colony had a thet>ry which accounted 
 for this change in him. He was supposed 
 to be brooding over the disgrace of the 
 arrest. He thought that every one knew of 
 his humiliation, and that some who knew of 
 it doubted his innocence. He had been 
 the commanding figure at the Alfalfa Hotel, 
 but now he felt that he had no right to 
 assume a superiority, having stood in the 
 dock charged with a prison offense. They 
 dared not attempt to drag him out of his 
 melancholy by any argument or assurance, 
 because not one of them ever spoke of the 
 hustler or Parkman, or the two times at the 
 station. But when the money came, the 
 dentist, believing that a change of scene and 
 the diversions of travel might serve to 
 effect a cure, suggested that Doc' ought to 
 take a vacation. 
 
 Every member of the colony seconded the 
 suggestion, and Doc', brightening under 
 their good wishes, decided to take that long- 
 postponed trip to Europe. 
 
 Time and time again he had intended to 
 go to Europe. Once he had bought his 
 ticket and started to the steamer, when he 
 
290 DOC' HORNE 
 
 received a telegram from Detroit to the 
 effect that Col. Pounds, a friend from boy- 
 hood, was involved in a business smash-up, 
 and needed an adviser. 
 
 This time he would go. He could arrange 
 his business affairs so that they would be 
 safe in the hands of an attorney. He would 
 go to Europe and perhaps find some of the 
 gentlemen who had been connected with the 
 foreign legations during Grant's two terms. 
 While in Europe he could brush up his 
 French and German, both of which he had 
 spoken with considerable fluency during his 
 residence in Washington. 
 
 As soon as he had determined to go, he 
 was in a hurry to get away. The cold 
 weather had come and the ledges of the 
 town were white with clinging snow. He 
 was to take a winter boat and go direct to 
 Italy, and one of the first men to be hunted 
 up in Rome would be Flanders, who once 
 had a studio in Brooklyn. 
 
 On the evening before his departure Doc' 
 was the guest of honor at a little dinner 
 organized by the dentist, and served in the 
 rear apartment of the restaurant which the 
 Alfalfa colony patronized. The book-agent, 
 the lush, the freckled boy, the bicycle sales- 
 
DOC' GOES AWAY 291 
 
 man, and Mr. Ike Francis, proprietor, sat at 
 the table. The lush brought with him the 
 material which he regarded as necessary to 
 the drinking of a farewell toast. Doc' was 
 himself again, and recalled that this very 
 evening happened to be the anniversary of 
 a farewell dinner given him by several 
 citizens of Baton Rouge, the year before 
 Buchanan ran. 
 
 Doc' was in Europe nine months recover- 
 ing his health and self-respect When he 
 came back to Chicago in the autumn, on his 
 way to Cincinnati to visit a cousin who was 
 commonly mistaken for Chauncey M. 
 Depew, he wished to go to the Alfalfa 
 European Hotel, but there was no such 
 hotel in Chicago. The old home and the 
 lower houses that propped it up on each 
 side had been torn away to make room for 
 a twelve-story office building with four ele- 
 vators, and every floor busily inhabited. 
 
 The dentist and his wife were living at a 
 family hotel on the south side. 
 
 In the scattering of the colony the lush 
 had found refuge on the north side. He 
 continued to have desk- room with a real 
 estate firm, and his habits were somewhat 
 
292 DOC' HORNE 
 
 improved, according to what the dentist said 
 to Doc', as he never took a drink unless he 
 felt that he needed it. 
 
 The bicycle salesman had disappeared. 
 
 The book-agent had re-married, and was 
 managing his wife's lecture tour throughout 
 the corn states. 
 
 Ike Francis had gone back to a country 
 town to manage a hotel that was not in 
 danger of being torn down. 
 
 The freckled boy, by the last report reach- 
 ing the dentist, was traveling with a circus 
 as a purveyor of lemonade and a "gentle- 
 manly agent" who sold concert tickets. 
 
 THE END 
 
PRINTED BY R. R. DONNELLEY 
 AND SONS COMPANY AT THE 
 LAKESIDE PRESS, CHICAGO, ILL 
 

 THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE 
 STAMPED BELOW 
 
 
 
 . 
 
 RENEWED BOOKS ARE SUBJECT TO IMMEDIATE 
 RECALL 
 
 LIBRARY, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, DAVIS 
 
 Book Slip-25m-6,'66(G3855s4)458 
 
N 440453 
 
 PS 100 6 
 
 Ade, G. A6 
 
 Doc 1 Home. D6 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 DAVIS