f- f—* 5aHL. TZ/iM^ University of California • Berkeley Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2008 with funding from IVIicrosoft Corporation , http://www.archive.org/details/allblocksorantidOOirelrich ALL THE BLOCKS! OR, AN ANTIDOTE TO 'ALL THE TALENTS.' IN THREE DIALOGUES. BY FLAGELLUM. Vtiat intelligr, et deir.de ad opus accede. Ne lingua pruecurrat meoteni. This common body, Like to a vagabond flag upon the stream, Goes to and back, lack-eyiny the varyiag tide^ To rot itself in motion." Shjk^hian, HonDon ; ' Printed b^ jy Smeeton, 148, S(. Martin's Lane, POR MATHiiVVS AND LEIGH, JiT, STRAND. 1807. Dedication, TO ALL THE TALENTS. Mr Lords and Gentlemen, Notwithstanding the afFu- illation of Polypus, I have thought fit to inscribe the ensuing pages to you> since in opposition to the author of The Talents I do conceive that I may accomplish my dedica- tion without being branded with the opprobrious stigma of flattery, ( vi ) than which there does not exist in my estimation a more despicable vice, and one more deserving the severest lash of reproof. With respect to impressing into my service an high sounding title, in order to usher my production into publicity, I cannot (should such a requisite be essential) have made a selection more appropriate than the above, wherein concen- trates every attribute calculated to awaken the love and veneration of the truly enlightened under- standing. . v.- ^ ^ Sapiens dominabitur astris. ( vii ) As truth however is uniformly the best criterion to ensure success, I shall have recourse to that most sterling ingredient in order to validate my position, which goes to prove that you were justly en- titled to the appellation of The Talents^ which has been most in- vidiously applied to you by Polypus as a term of ridicule. It has been uniformly allowed, that peace is the surest bulwark of the prosperity of a country, and the first operations of your admi- b2 { viii ) nistration were certainly of 2,pacijic nature^ yet although th^ Roman hath said ^' iniquissimam pacem jastmimd bdlo hntefero,^ you were not of that opinion, but held the balance so justly equi- poized, that the desire of peace never led you to forget those sacred duties which you were bound to perform as the guardians of a free, great, and generous nation, and therefore, however acceptable might have appeared the Olive Branchy the Sword was' no less kept within your grasp to ensure respect, ( ix ) or when necessity should require it, command obedience from our enemies. It is to your labours that we arc also indebted for the Abolition of the Slave Trade, a detestable traffic which was as repulsive to common feeling, as it was subversive of the laws of nature and of heaven ; and from the general tenor of your proceedings was also to be dis- cerned the most scrupulous atten- tion to the existing burthens imposed on the community at large, by a due caution in regard to every measure B 3 ( X ) relating to the taxation of the sub- ject. Such proceedings were alone sufficient to entitle you to the designation of The Talents ; but we must not stop here, since it was from you we had to expect the overthrow of that detestable pha- lanx, the petty attorneys of this law-ridden country, who would have experienced from your united talents the most decisive check by the intended re-organization of the debtor and creditor laws, whereby both parties would have been be- nefited by lopping off in a great measure those enormous expendi- ( xi ) turcs which arc required in all legal procedures, and which con- sequently would have been appro- priated to the use of the creditor, instead of being expended for the benefit of a set of monsters rather than men. This would have been true philanthropy^ a lasting national benefit, not only deserving the blessings of the living, but must have experienced the heart-felt plaudits of millions yet unborn* Such are a few of the points on which I have grounded my affir- mation, that you were entitled to b4 ( xii ) the appellation of The Talents, an4 for thpse reasons, I do maintain that my dedication is unpolluted by Flattery^ having its superstruc- ture reared on the unshaken basis of everlasting truth. Therefore, gentlemen, with every sentiment pf r(^sp,ectful qsteem^ I beg leay^e to subscribe myself, your conftant admirer, though unkjiqwn, FLAGELLUM. PREFACR IN the exordium to ' All the Talents its author commences by very gravely assuring the reader that his effusions are the ua* biassed dictates of his own opinions, he' being instigated by no motives whatsoever either oi party, private resentment or personal interest ; a string of very pretty affirmations J mifst allow, which look extremely well upon paper, but would be rendered much more effective, did they possess that little requisite denominated Trutlr^ however ( xiv ) without discanting further upon this topic, TlagcUum with a Httle more veracity on his side, asserts in catagorical terms, for Veritas simplex oratio est, Seneca. That he was never benefited by any Mi- nistry whatsoever ; that he was not edu- cated at Eaton with a certain witling of the present administration, who hangs out his weathercock in the vicinity of Downing Street ; neither has he, nor ever had he to boast the bosom friendship of any noble or gentle man high in office ; that he has never figured in a corps diplomatique either ^t the court of Spain or elsewhere ; in short that he is positively no more in- debted to Wigs than Tories, having re- - mained alike unnoticed and unknown to ( XV ) both— Not so is it however with all such who venture to make similar assertions, for Friar or Frere* it should be understood. Is not less known iho* skulking 'ncath an hood. But to proceed and explain my senti- ments somewhat more clearly to Polypus, I do not intend by this publication any attack whatsoever on the late Mr. Pitt, for whom I entertain opinions very analo- gous to those of Polypus with regard to Lo-d Gr-nv-Ue. I have deemed it expe- dient to mention this fact, as it is not the demise of the minister alone which enshields him from my satire, but those brilliant * Freres. This order of Religious men is so denominated by Chcmctrt vid. his Canterbury Tales. C xvi ) Talents which still like a dazzling mn shone forth athwart the flitting clouds, which sometimes intervened to obscure its splendor. No, Polypus, it is the existing tag-rag administration I seek to unmask, and give to the world in all its . native deformity, a ministry which without one little emanation of th^ Talents of a Pitt, adopts the most faulty points of his administration as its fixed rule of action. — For it is now we are to expect consummate policy from a combination of Blocks ; — a vigorous plan of hostilities (for the War-* Whoop must resound ad hifinitum) without energetic capacities : — the levy of taxes divested of all attention to the existing burthens imposed on the people, in short the trite story of Treasons and Traitors ( xvii ) must now resoUnd to rob us of bur birth- right — May heaven grant that the shep- herd proves not the Traitor, by opening the wicket to the ravenous Wolf, and thus exposing the fold to inevitable destruction. ' It may perhaps be enquired why this Antidote has been so long withheld from the pubUc, to which the author must simply reply that ill health was the pre- ventative, for had he been free from cor- poreal debility and suffering, the following pages would have earlier met the public eye ; this tardiness however has not always marked the conduct of the Poet, who on a former occasion stepped forward to ridicule and expose delinquency througli the medium of the press, and will at all ( xviii ) times with equal ardour level his shafts against those who are arrayed in poweri and consequently arrogate to themselves the exclusive privilege of trampling on the rights of their Countrymen. ^>^ > But to conclude — I cannot with friend Polypus even venture to hope the most trifling amendment in the present glorious Ministry from the lash of my satire ; since the Cabinet is composed of men too much bigotted to former principles, to look for a change that might benefit the country. It is consequently to the people of England that I address my effusions, in order that they may thereby learn of what materials their present guardians are made, and on whom they have to rely for the melioration ( xix ) of their sufferings ; in fine I seek to guard them from the encroachments of a rapa- cious set whose actions are certainly consistent in one point — Self being the ruling principle of every Block now in Administration. Auro puhajidfs, auro venaliajura, Aurum lex sequitur, mox sine lege pudor, Propertius. : ) vh fn orft '■ ' 'r fffo-'l i*^i') > -I. I \ .rath-:. ' ■ ./ ALL THE BLOCKS DIALOGUE THE FIRST. Rari quipp* boni, mtmero vix sunt totidem quot Tnebisrum porta, vel divitit ostia Nilu Jvrtvku Capo graao, cervello ma^9* FLAGELLUM. Give me the rod, 1 say, to whip the breechei Of these vile Blocks — these folly-suckiag leecheg. MALAGMA. The rod ! — Nay, friend, forbear. FLAGELLUW. Aye, so I will, When of a just retort I Ve te'en mj fill. ALL THE blocks; What ! think 'st thou I can lull my muse to sleep. And not in gall the pen of Satire steep, When I contemplate England's rising fame Committed to the care of blind and lame * ; See sick feritannia dwiildling to a ghost. Recalling radiant Wisdom, late her boast. Whose sage experience learned her constitution. Had proVd her wounds— applied the saiie ablution ? What i tacitly observe true Genius fled. And see mere dolts established m hofr stead f Zounds ! 't is too much — MALAGMA. Nayj curb that Icindling ire. • It iriiist certainly be allowed, that, even in the very worst of tiiiies^ the political aiiiwis of, thi». country never displayed such a set of statesmen as constitute our present hopeful ministry. Indeed, they appear to me as if set up to be the scare-croxos of Reason and of Common Sense ; and of them it may be very justly said, by way of closing this note. Contra verbosos noli coniendere verbis : A SATlRldAL V6tM, FLAGEtLUM. I shall ; and quench in liquid grief the 6re. Yes, Gr-nv-lle ! I the sorrowing tear must shed : When bless'd with thee, Hope rear'd her genial head; An anxious nation thy bright plans approv'd— The general plaudit spoke thee well belov'd. How chang'd the blissful prospect ! — sad reverse ! * True mourners marching: after Gr-nv-lle's hearse — • There are two species of mourners, the mock and the real, Britain, however, is at the present moment the rxact reverie of the undertaker tribe, who weep in proportion to the money paid as earnest for snivelling : but the reason is obvious, we have lost All the Talents, and in their stead have now No Talents at all. Even Polypus could not level his shafts at departed Gr'tiv-lle, but very truly salutes hira with th^^ lines, " Ev"!! Party's self, in nohle Gr-n'»-lU see *• Worth, wisdom, wit, and talents, all agree." And again, •♦ Yes, in high Gr-iii>-lU centres dl my tfUBt, «• To steer the stat^, ind hold the balande just" What more then need be said of this most able peer, what Satire sheaths its dart, and suffers the main spring of the very liody it attacks to continue in motion, without any spoke B S AtiL THE blocks: Whose talents still with suppliant voice we crave — " Preserve us— snatch us from the yawning gravel " Enshrine thy country from impending shame ; *' If Britain falls —let Britain fall with fame, " And not from empty sculls receive her doom" — A block of Portland stone, her only tomb. MALAGMA. For shame, Flagellum ! — ^*prithee stop tliy tongue ; Such deeds they '11 act as ne'er were said or sung r I *d pawn my life, they '11 prove an able set — Abolish taxes, pay their country's debt ; being put into its wheel ? But this verifies the words of the ^oman, Virtui vincit invidiam : ind consequently all we have now to say, as trite tfiourners, is, Grief fills the room up of my absent child ; Lies in his bed; walks up and down with me. Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his wordsd Remembers me of all his gracious parts, Stuffs out his vacant garment with his form ; Then have I reason to be fond of grief. Shakspeaii£« A SATIRICAL POEM. The broils of Europe settle in a trice — Play with opponents just as cats with mice: * Such things they '11 do . . , ♦ JFLAGELLUM. Thy comments, pray, refrain They Ve toil'd up hill — they 'II gallop down again. • Such things they 'II do.] — That I *ll be sworn thoy will ; such wonders as never were before rehearsed, if the selection of officers they have made be a criterion for us to go by; for in the First Lord of the Treasury we have a stone mason; — in the Chancellor of the Exchequer, a vender of sapience, through the medium of wigs and gowns; — in liie First Lord of the Admiralty, the muster-roll of rank and file; together with marchings, sieges, sorties, attacks, retreats, bombard- ments, &iC. &c. all perfect ly consistent with naval discipline, ahd the arcana of a man-of-war ! In the Secretary for the Foreign Department, we have a very accommodating weather- cock ; — in the Lord Chancellor, an old apple-woman, always replete with croakings and sapient saws :-:— in short, we have Roses, with exotics of every description, which are calcut laied for any soil but that in which they are no>v placed t9 v^'getate. j^ht THE fetOGKB: MALAGMA. I 'm peaceful, or would give thee flat denial. — At least, you'll grant the pew-made batch a trial? FI.AGELLUM. Trial! — By Heav'n! we've tried *em o'er and o'er. And found 'em ev^y thing but sterling lore. Ah ! can my country stand the dreadful shock * Of this old weather-beaten porous block — * Of this old weather-beaten, ^c."] — As his Grace of P-rtl-nd commenced his earthly career in 1738, he has, according to Cocker, attained his 69th year — a very pretty time of life, truly^ for a man to think of burthening his shoulders with th^ affairs of a great nation ! Instead of elasticity, all is ponder* osity; mental vigour has yielded to the burthen of age ; and he may consequently well exclaim with Cato, Tempora longa tibi noli promittere vite Qiiocunque ingrederis, sequitur mors, corporis umbra. It must be confessed, that the commencement of this noble- man s career was characterised by many traits which endeared him to the pt oplc ; having staunchly opposed the Bute and the then Grenville administrations, and remained firm to the prin-. ciplesofFox, with whom he came into power. But, ajas! those halcion days are long passed away ! and we n9w behold A l^ATIRICAL POEM. This crazj stone, new daub'd with M-lv-lle paste, Propped up for th* exigence of state in haste ; With pillars rotten, and at core so craz'd, They soon must drop the fabric they have rais'd. And by one universal crash display The downfal of this structure of a day ! Ah, vet'ran P-rtl-nd ! I must tell the truth— Thy jaws, bereft of ey*ry useful tooth. Should now have left the public weal alone. Instead of nibbling at so tough a bone. We ask, in vigour, what thy sense hath done ? — No radiance gleam'd like Gr-nv-lle*s dazzling sun : in silii/ Billy a court pander deprived of all consequence and popularity ; having sneakingly skulked away from the Wkigt^ of whom he once ranked Generalissimo, to coincide — I will not say with the Tories^ for the present set are, though of that faction, such miserable tail-bearers^ that they deserve no other than the designation of Blocks, But their cry is, Stultitiam patiuntur opes : and, upon that score, there is no doubt but they will provi theroielves precisely fitted to yerify the above saying, ALL Tllie blocks: With thee, bright Genius never was awake ; But left thy mind one gloomy scene opake. And yet we now are told, on thee to look. As leading chapter of the State's great book, * For mind acute, Napoleons schemes to check. And break of Talleyrand the crooked neck ; 'Gainst subtle art, deep policy oppose, And lead this brace of monsters by the nose. Thy hand — of pow'r the balance now must raise- Restore to groaning Europe halcion days : That nerveless grasp the razor keen must wield, Shave France, in spite of MachiHeliian shield ; Blee4 her proboscis ; lop each monstrous fungus, And clear away republican mundungus. * For mind aciite.l — We have an excellent specimen of the mental powers of this nobleman, who, when Secretary of State, dispatched a circular letter through the country, on the subject of the scarcity of corn, which caused the hapjiy effect of immediately raising the prices to such a pitch as had very nearly been productive of ?i famine: in short, he may be very characteristically denominated Head of the Wrongheads^ were it not a matter of great doubt whether he has any head At ally and if he has, it is certainly caput mQrtuum. A SATIRICAL POEM, MALAGMA. Suppose, by way of terminating broil, I grant the P-rtl-nd wheel requires some oil ; Surely, the great machine has other springs, Well fitted to advise the best of kings; Which, put in proper motion, cannot fail To work the state, like mill with wind and sail! A trifling fault will not cpndemn the soul. Nor one weak limb contaminate the whole. I trust you'll own, that my position's plain: And when I mention M-lv-Ue, straight refrain From Satire's lash ; whose talents, staunch and tried. Made him the friend of Pitt, and Scotia's pride; Whose sage advice, e'en now, the Ins can boast— For Hall, behind the curtain, rules the roast *. • Behind the curtain,] — L~d M-lv-lIe, according to report, is the state showman — the puppets being solely under hit controul : " Kervis alienit mobili lignum.'* But wherefore io I talk of report^ his Lordship cannot bear repprts; more particularly when they are repeated five or tfn 10 ALL THE BLOCKS : FLAGELLUM. No doubt, no doubt: their honours dare not flout him With truth you say, the Im can't do without him--» Him, the state alchymist, who can surpass All tribes— to gold transmuting native brass : Or, vke versa, when of law afraid, As easily in brass can be arrayM. This northern juggler, give Old Nick his due, Haih, as the Jiddle, been to Scotia true ; Rais'd from its dirty state, the booing tribe, Whose Wha^ wants me ? was a sufficient bribe : T^or as to Conscience, if it chance to cry, The brat is strangled in its infancy ; times over; for upon such occasions he affirms, that a report tecoiiies a trueisrrij which is not at all times agreeable, as this hocus pocus peer hath proved beyond all doubt : nay, he po* sitively affirmed, that Messrs. Bonney, Tooke, &c, were guilty, according to the reports which were then spread ; and al- though a jury brought in a verdict of not guilty, he still swears that they we're " acquitted felons" — and he says per- fectly right, ioxfdQns are very often acquitted. A SATIRICAL POEM, 11 Or charm'd with lullaby of nasal tone — Soul-soothing pathos of the bagpipe's drone. This peer, hie et uhique, now displays More art consummate than a critic's bates; Flatters the boobies of administration — Mere antic puppets taught to blind the nation : And on dumb-shew their talents being set, They act anew the farce, call'd Cabinet. * 'T is now poor C-nn-ng *s taught to head his troop : While mighty M-lgr-ve 's stow*d within the poop. Where he may reef, hand, steer, and manage tackle; And, what far better suits him, learn to cackle : 'Tis now poor C-nn-vg's taught.] — The incapacity of this gentleman is by no means a poetical fiction, as he is possessed of none of those requisites so absolutely essential to fit hiiu for the station in which the Blocks have thought proper to place him. And while we arc descanting on this topic, it may not be amiss to remind friend Polj/pus that his quotation from the French, in page 7, <>f which language he avows him> self totally ignorant, had much better have been omitted ; not merely because a writer should never venture to publish what he does not understand, but for a still more weighty reason, viz. that he should not give his readers bad Frmchy which if the case, as will be found on referring to " All, the Talcnti,** 12 ALL THE blocks: Since there are fatted fowls for captains* table, No doubt his lordship means to gorge while able. And so *t were best, if right my thoughts define — The harvest spoils when Sol disdains to shine : And, trust me now, so murky frowns each cloud, The lord were safer far, wrapped in his shroud ; For soon the storm must sink his darling prize, And all his glories undeserv'd capsise ; Pismasted, waft this sheer hulk of the navy — Pismantled wreck — fit food for uncle Davy, MALAGMA. I instanced M-lv-lle, as the giant strong ; He seems, with thee, the burthen of a song : Yea, not content, friend C-nn-ng hath a rap ; And M-lgr-ve, too, a most confounded slap ! Where will this lashing end ? PLAGELLUM. Hold ! I 've not done- Concerning both, my race must still be run. For, hath not Britain cause this change to weep, Whose dauntless guardians of the vasty deep A SATIRICAL POEM. 13 Have now to own a M-lgr-ve's puny sway * — Ephem'ral fly of this camelion-day ! To guard the hehn capacious mind requires ; No empty untaught puppet mov'd by wires : Ko lord of straw, that thunder should controul, Whose din reverberates from pole to pole ; • A M-lgr-ve's puny sway.] — Stat magni nominis umbra. LUCAX. This general officer, now made commander general of the navy^ is as well calculated for his station as any gentleman caa possibly be, who undertakes the performance of that which he does not understand : but the Blocks are very happy at this kind of selection, by which they certainly prove them- selves, novel in their proceedings, and perhaps, like the crab, seek to advance by retrograde steps, as most conducive to the prosperity of the country. However, necessity is truly said to be the mother of invention ; and never were a set of poor wretches so dreadfully put to it as the Blocks, who will, it is rather shrewdly surmised, shortly emulate the Roman emperor of old, not, however, by the election of horses, but of long-cared animals, much more congenial to their precious capacities, and fitted to adorn the new cabinet junto, cou- ceming which no man dares affirm — Ne quid detrimenti Respublka capiat. 14 ALL THE BLOCKS! Commanding homage on the brrny plain — lEnthroning Britons sov'reigns of the main. Dear England ! who shall thy proud pendant rear. And teach thy cannon to appal with fear ? 'Who shall direct such men as Nelson now, To make all other flags 'fore Britain's bow ? How should a M-lgr-ve, to all tactics strange. Our wooden walls controul — all schemes arrange ; Whose wits should be refitted for the post : Who merely knows a ship 's a ship, at most ? Kay^ soft, my muse his erudition mocks — • His lordship surely knows such things as Blocks; At least there 's plenty in our barge of state : — Kone more complete than his own ponderous pate, MALAGMA. Have mercy ! nor allovv thy wit such scope. FLAGELLUM. Tush — I forgot — he also knows a rope : And did one grain of sense his noddle deck^ He surely would apply it to his neck. A SATIRICAL POEM. 15 And rid our Dutch-built vessel — Heav'n defend us!— Of one land-lubber, who can not befriend us. Yet hold, my Pegasus ! a truce to lashing ; Take breath, and then anew commence thy splashing: These Blocks, d capite ad calcem, spatter — For 'faith, my muse, it is no arduous matter ; So fully are iheir acts with folly fraught, To let them 'scape were to be void of thought. And though all Poets are a-kin to crazy, That rhymster Would be most confounded lazy. Who could not run and read without his glasses. And dub this Ministry a batch of Asses* ^NP OF DIALOGUE THE FIRST. A SATTRIOAX, TOTM. 1? DIALOGUE THE SECOND. Thou art too like the spirit of a Block-~T)o^n ! Thy folly sears mine eye-balls. — And thy ?ir. Thou other gold-bound brow, is like the first— A third is like the former.- -Filthy hags! Why do you shew me this ? — A lourth .' — Start, eye I What! will the line stretch out to th' crack of doom ?- Another yet ? a seventh ! I '11 see no more — And yet tlie eighth appears, who bears a glass, Whieli shews me many more ; and some I see. That twofold balls and treble scepters carry. Horrible wght ! nay, now, I see, 't is true ; For the old Portland Block rolls craz'd upon me, And points at them for liis. FLAGELLUM, Fresh mounted, booted, spurrM, with whip in hand, I once more gallop to attack the band ; And resolutely wield fell Satire's pen, To seare thes« monsters in their golden den. G 18 Att THE BLOCKS MALAGMA. And pray, whose actions next must you be scanning ? FLAGEtLUM. When last we spoke, I told thee, friend — 'tis C-nn-ng: A shuttleqock, a petted child to view : Whose father was — By Heav'n ! I know not who.— Whose ripening manhood Br-nsl-y's talents led ; By Science tutor'd, and by Genius fed * : Whose puny voice first lisp'd his borrowed wit In praise of Fox, and in opposing Pitt : Whose patriotism seem'd so staunch and true. That lucre ne'er would taint his buff and blue. * And hy Genius fed!] — -While our Secretary was yet un- tainted by the blandishments of venality, he published some spirited tracts on public liberty, the perusal of which will enable the world to form a more sterling proof of his dcrclic-* tion from past opinions, than volumes of vague affirmations on this subject ; but Tcmpora rautmiur et no$ mutcmwr in ilUSi A SATTKTCAL POEM. 19 But, ah! no sooner had his ore been try'd, His faith, by ministry, became new dy'd * : Forgetful of his friends, in placeman's boat, He seiz'd the golden oar —threw off his coat; Then, gayly decked as any youth, could be. Strutted to court in his new Uvery; Sub-secretary to great Gr-nv-Ue figured in : But as the wily snake will change its skin, So C-nn-ng now doth that same mantle wear. Which then was kept in noble Gr-nv-lle*s care. MALAGMA. And what of that ? Wliy blame the gentleman ? Should not the present Ins do all they can ? « Became new dyd^ 4c.] — Mr. C-nn-ns, when speaking of his firm attachment to Mr. Pitt, gave it as his opinion, that —It was better to err with Cato, than do right with the rest •f mankind. R'len rt'est &i dangereiix qu'un indiscret ami ; Mieux vaudrQit un sa^< tnnemU Lafontaike. c 2 fO ALL THE BLOCKS t T is sure enough with empty purse to flout, And bear for months the curse of being out *. Besides, to slur his talents who can dare ? Shew me a speaker now that ranks so fair : And for department foreign ! — on my soul — * The Blocks^ wretched gentlemen ! have had a miserable time of it while bereft of office, and have been wandering about like stray sheep bereft of a shepherd ; — however, leave them alone, I warrant me they will speedily make good for the loss of time by a glorious golden surfeit. As to P-rtl-nd, poor soul ! his stomach is so weak, that M-lv-lle has prescribed him an opiate ; and during its operation, has very kindly undertaken to fill the chair: while P-rc-v-1 is nomin- ated his standing vice-president^ who at the first course swal- lowed down the ^hole of a famous Lancashire dish, called duchy, without offering to help a single individual present. — ^ By a wink from the president M-lv-llc, my L-rd H-w-sb-ry, With equal effrontery and gluttony, clawed hold of a tureen filled with home-made soup, and gobbled himself into Secretary for that dipartment: — while d-stl-re-gh, at his right hand, find- ing his appetite keen, new strung his bow with a fricasee of xcar and colonies, which was swallowed in a trice.— -E-rls C-md-n and W-stm-rl-nd, having a little more politesse and modera- tion, were satisfied with the Privy-seal and Presidency of the Council: — while L~d M-lgr-ve, though totally unacquainted ^Yith the contents of the dish, absolutely gorged himself with A SATIRICAL POtM. 21 TLAGELLUM. Thou might'st as well have had a barber's pole. MALAGMA. la C-nn-ng's praise Fame's clarion trump hath wrung. a tremendous sea pye, and was immediately obliged to quit the table : the con.^ternation occasioned by this sudden move- ment, afforded time for arranging the second coui*sc — at which Ji-rl B-lh-rst played an excellent knife and fork, by devouring the contents of the gilt dish oi mint, and instantly afterwards clearing the board of a ragoo of trade. — I^rd C— S-ra-rs-t and Mr. L-ng jointly determined on putting ih^'iT forces together; on which they immediately set-to, and paid away pretty roundly. — L-rd Kld-n, according to custom, came, drone like, in for his legal porrage, wiih whicli he burnt his mouth, not* withstanding he had previuu.ily blown upon it for a length of lime ; and, in his hurry to render it palatable, had, in a " peevish fit, moatcned it icith his tears. — As to the D-kc of ll-chm-nd, he got confoundedly drunk with toasting every body present, three times at least, without intermission ; and as he grew quarrelsome in his cups, and wanted to fight all the company, it was deemed expedient to send him to Coventry, and he was accordingly shipped off for Inland^ as that placd was best fitted for his boisterous (lualifications. — M-ntr-se, who cannot bear brains, pushed the dish away which was before him, and soon rendered himself master of a p«^^/c of S3 AIL THE blocks: FLAGELLUM. But knows he, save his own, a living tongue ? A nation's spleen was ne'er before thus urgM, Or coinmou sense by folly so much purgM. MALAGMA. What meanest thou ? korsejieshj which, notwithstanding its repugnant appellation, proved to him extr rnely palatable. — R-se ate up a rice- prebidentship before any one could say Jack Kubinsun^ and then ran otF with his empty plate to M-lv-li<', whom he swore to pester unceasingly, uniil his hunger should be compUtely appeased. — The M-rq-s of T-tchf-ld vowed he had a lit bit in a nice slice of the Treamrj/ pudding: in she rt, there were innumi rable guests who crowded to the board in order to satiate their voracious appetites, some of whom came in for Horn, and others for less still ; cramming, however, to such a degree, rhat the man-cook, John Bull, sw.'ating, puffing, and blowmg, at length got into such a furious rage that he kicked over the stew-pans, put out the fire, and rushing forth with the carving-knife in his hand, darted indignantly on the cor- anoiatits, and at length effected a complete victory, by putting the whole troop to tlight. . Procul, ! Procul, este profani — Conclamat vatcs, totoque absistite luco. YlRGIL. A SATIRICAL POEM. 23 TLAGELLUM. Why, in reason, let me ask — Whoe'er drew liquor from an empty cask ? — Heard dumb men speak ?— beheld the blind man see? Yet wonders such as these will surely be When foreign letters C-nn-ng shall define, Who of no foreign tongue translates a line *. MALAGMA. That's some objection : still I see no rule Why others should not FLAGELLUM. ^ Take the boy to school. So sweet a master was not long a suitor : He had in view a very able tutor ; * As the Blocks have adopted the plan of employing hitcr- prefers for our Secretary for the Foreign Department, it it conjectured that they wish to emulate the custom of tht Turks, who conceive their own tongue possessed of so much sublimity, that it would be derogatory to learn any other, in consequence of which, they have recourse to iiUerpreten upo» all occasions. 24 ALL THE blocks: Who makes him daily o'er his lesson look, Such golden treasure gleaning from his book As far surpasseth what is found in gift Of Xewberj^'s Tom Thumb — Jack Hickerthrift. In short, poor C-nn-ng, though he'd nim'd the booty. Had vainly hammer'd to perform his duty. Were not his Scotch nurse, M-lv-lle, near at hand, To tender him the pap-spoon at command * ; * To tender him the pap-spoon.] — Our Secretary for the Foreign D< partment must have found himself very avvkwanlly situated upon his entrance into office, the duties of which so perempt(jrily call for a knowlidge of the living tongues; but this glaring deficiency was easily remedied by Scc^tch Harry, who has proved to the country, that he does not stick at irj/les ; — and it is positively asserted, that his lordship, for several days, attended at the office of Mr. C-nn-ng, in order to initiate the young gentleman into the arcana ot the busi- ness. That the Secretary is aufait at Latin and Greek, I do jiot doubt ; but he now finds that the jargon t-f the schools is insufficient : but no matter, \vt him take courage, a corre- spondence in Greek will be highly acceptable to the major part of Johnny Bull's progeny, who may now expect to be indulged with eyery thing that is unintelligible. A SATIRICAL POEM. 25 And thus to mewling babe the titty give, Who 'il doubtless suck as long as Hal sliall live, MALAGMA. And doubtless even so would'st thou, Flagellum. TLAGELLUM. No, I would rather wage eternal helium, Than give the lie to many sterling facts, Which had by me been vouch'd in flaming tracts On public freedom — such as C-nn-ng penn'd. While yet the patriot and his country's friend, Ere for recruits great Pitt had beat the drum. And brib'd the youth with golden sugar-plum; Ere native llonesty had lied the field, And Truth been vcii'd by Falshood'* glossy shield ; Ere from his mhid had flown all sterling graces — For kissing hands, for pensions, and for places. But farevvel, C-nn-ng ; after all is said, I will allow there ^s something in thy head. Which, if in proper time and place applied, Had rendered thee, no doubt, thy country's pride; S6 ALL THE blocks: But ill thine actions with thy talents suit; Thou art become Saint James's prostitute : Thy wits, like mundane chattels, bought and sold ; The court — thy magnet, and thine idol — gold. Once more, farewel : prophetic I must be, So end with ghostly words — Remember me ! MA LAG MA. So much for C-nn-ng ! thou hast wrung his knelJ, Who of our ministry now bears the bell : And since he could not 'scape thy rancorous gall, I need not ask, who's next; thou 'It lash them all. So tacitly will I the Satire heed ; ' And merely put my oar in, when there 's need. FLAGELLUM. My muse is feminine ; so now I 'II deck her With rhymes on Chancellor of the Exchequer * — Chancellor of the Exchequer.] — With all that degree of tonsistcjit wisdom which has been the unvarying characteristic of our sublime ministry, we now behold in the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Mr. P-rc-v-l, whose career has hitherto been A SATIRICAL POEM. 27 Yes, P-rc-v-1, thy portrait I must draw — ■ Arm'd, cap-a-pie, true limb of clutching law : Whose form a P-rtl-nd never had unfrock'd, Had not for thee his cupboard been unlocked; uniformly passed in the C — t of Ch-nc-ry, \shcrc he made moiions on the subject of wills and leases, to uhich branch of legal study he had parlicuhirly addicted himself. — >Vhcn a youn^ barribtcr, this gcnthman was conspicuous for extreme pertnchs and presunjpiuc/Usncss ; and at all consultations was prone to take upon hiniseh the ofiice of dilTcring in opinion from those counsellors who were his seniors, both in age and in practice. So much for his breeding : as to his disin' iercjitcd/icas — Lapis auri inder, atirum hominnm — that has been rendcivd evident from his requiring, in addition to the ostensible post he now holds in the state, the further doitcrur of the st al of the duchy of Lancaster, durante vita^ which his M — y was persiuuh d not to give, except during pleasure, by an address of the House of Commons. But the Blocks, like the last ministry, are not satisfied with one place; such a consideration king far too insignificant, when put in compitilion with the ucigki of their Talents : no, no, things are now reversed ; and Lord C-stl-r-gh swears he will not be contented until another atring is added to his L-ow. Lord M-lv-lle, the present state nuchanist, when in ofllcc with P-lt, held three places at once ; viz. J?ccretary of State, Pre- 28 ALL THE BLOCKS And to thy maw presented well-stor'd dishes — For thou, Uke all thy tribe, lov*st loaves and fishes. But, ah ! who could resist the goading spur, Thy winning post, the famous Lancaster ; And not hard gallop to acquire renown ! — ■ For duchy selling thus thy rusty gown ; That robe, so many years a faithful hack, The swarthy lacquey of thy legal back ; sident of the Board of Controul, and Treasurer of the Navy; besides being Privy Seal in Scotland, and Heaven knows what besides: — and will any one pretend to say, that his lordship is less ravenous now, than he w as at that period ? — and still, notwithstanding such a string of places, he was not prevented from violating a solemn law, and fingering, both by himself and his uorthy deputy, the public money. Yet, this very peer, who was adjudged by so many of his colleagues as guilty of a gross breach of his duty, is now restored to his Sovereign's councils ; his eldest son placed at the head of the India Board; the counsellor who defended his cause (Mr. Pi-m-r), through his interest, is made Solicitor-general ; whil^ iic himself is the great conductor of every thing behind th% curtain ; — the block of P-rtl-nd being a mere stop-gap^ iu- capable, through age and imbecility, of delivering his sentU mcnts to the public on any topic whatsoever. A SATIRICAL POEM. ^9 That trusty robe— for, 'faith I '11 tell thee true, The old suit fitted better than the new. For now thine arms, like Peach'eni's, or like Lockit*s, Being longer grown, to dive in Britain's pocjcets. Are only half-way cover'd from the view ; So all eyes now must see what thou dost do. As to thy scull-cap, it is nought but rags : But for the pockets, zounds and death! they're bags ; With seams all doublc-stitch'd, that no ill fate May rend 'em open, gorg'd with golden weight* As to the cassock, it is all a hum ; Some wag hath rent it off above the b-m, Leaving expos'd to public gaze thy breech, That boys may give grave Honour's throne a twitch. To keep compunction from thy soul aloof, It most be own'd thy vest is bullet proof: As to thy front, with kissing friend D-nd-s, 'T is doubly plated o'er with polish'd brass ; And for thy brain-pan, 't is as amply stow'd Por state affairs, as tenantlcss abode. so ALL THE blocks: MALAGMA. Why, this is worse and worse ! — I cannot bear Such sheer ill-nature 'gainst such talents rare. Had ever law, I ask, a limb upon her. More truly worthy praise, sir, than his honour? Answer me prompt. — FLAGELLUM. I do, when my muse sings- Law courts and cabinets are diflf'rent things. Such ill effects the changeling often suffers : As when to candle you apply the snuffers. And, seeking thus to give redoubled light. The flame you lop off, and are veiFd in night ; Such is the case with P-rc-v-1, sir: — for, Though good as lawyer, he 's no chancellor* But that the minister may know my mind, Still further to address him I 'm inclin'd. So, P-rc-v-1, that thou may'st comprehend, I '11 e'en have at thee as a legal friend ; And in the cant of law my theme begin : — Thy post was first obtain'd by disseisin ; A SATIRICAL POEM. 31 No regular surrender by the lord, As ever shall be noted on record: As for thy duchy, 'tis a confirmation, By which thou'rt bound to Court by obligation; And, being always of a good thing tender. Wilt ne'er, unless 't is by rehuty surrender, And give the rightful owner quiet entry; But, arni'd with .s^/c/c5 and 5/tfi;{'5, keep constant sentr}% And, vi et armis, thus se defendendo, Dare excommunicato capiendo. Witli brazen impudence, in place of wit. Bid the bum-bailiff straight produce his writ ; Defend the action, arni'd with legal terror ; To stay the verdict, issue writ of error ; And at the last dread pinch, time to purloin, For that term stay the trial by essoin. And when as M-lv-lIe gorged, or famous Neckcr, Thou art condcuin*d by thine own dear Exchequer, From all secur'd, except the public curse. Away thou*lt sneak clausula volumus: For so will terminate, in spite of laws, The injur'd plaintiff's— wretched Britain's— cause; 32 ALL THE BLOCKS Leavins: no Talrnts — Talents t^ stipplant, And^ though found guilty, spare the defendant *. » As all my readers may not be conversant with legal terms, I shall explain the above in as few words as possible. Disseisin — is the wrongfully putting out of him that is actu- ally seised of a thin^f : very analogous, it must be con- fessed, to the dispossessing of the late L-rd H-n-y P-tty. Surrender — the quietly giving up possession to another; which certainly was not the case. Record — an auth ntic testimony written on rolls of parch- ment; riz. the fact will be handed down to posterity, while the political annals of this nation are in ex- istence. Corifir7vr<.tion — is vvh^n any thing is made sure and unavoid- able ; or whereby a particular property is increased : now as gentlemen of the long robe are pretty acute, there is no doubt but the right honourable premier made a calculation of profits arising from law, and fees cbtiiiiK'd from a chancellorship and permanent duchy; when finding the balance in favour of the latter, he ratified his deed of confirmation. Obligation — is a bond containing a penalty for the performance of any thiiig ; therefore, a duchy was the price which, in case of non-performance of stipulations, is to revert back to the oiiginal donor. A SATIRICAL I^OEM. 33 M^LAGMAi So, that is truly your opinion. Sir ? Rebut is to repel or bar^and no doubt but Mr. P-rc-v-1 would thi-ow sufficient impediments in the way of going out. Surrender, the yielding up or giving possession of au estate* This instrument never will be signed but by compulsion. Entry, is the taking possession. The Chancellor must in the first place be expulsed, and then indeed we might say — a good riddance of bad rubbish* Excommunicato Capiendo, a writ commanding the appre- hension of a person, and the confining him, without bail or mainprize, until he conforms himself. This will prove the case when the eyes of a certain illustrious personage shall be opened, and thus display the imbecility of the Btocks imposed upon him. Error— A writ, whereby a fault is, or more frequently pretended to be found in the judgment of the court, whereby the pleading is prayed to be reversed. — A very facetious quib- ble to stay an indiviiiual from having immediate justice done him, and well worthy the Premier's consideration. Essoin, in most instances a sham excuse that the party cannot attend in propria persona; all tending to create pro- crastinttion. — The laii's delay — the insolence of office. Clausula Volumus — A writ granted to protect the pro- perty of a man from the king's ministers. 34 ALL THE BLOCKS FLAGELLUM. Nor more, nor less ; such is our minister. MALAGMA. Have you no private pique, no cause for hate ? FLAGELLUM. Not I, by Heaven! He being high i'the state. As public character, none dar^s deny Freedom of speech. — A Briton, Sir, am I. MALAGMA. And I another : — FLAGELLUM. Well, Sir; that may be ; And yet in thinking we may not agree. Call P-rc-v-1, for instance, what you will, I must affirm he is the same man still ; Not one jot more than what Fve set him down. In state robes weak, but strong in lawyer's gown, A SATIRICAL POEM. 35 MALAGMA ■»**.»■ I see you're fix'd ! FLAGELLUM. Immoveable as rocks. MALAGMA Have you aught more to add ? FLAGELLUM. About the Blocks ? MALAGMA. The Ministry, I mean ! FLAGfcLLUM. As you may call 'em. Wellj Blocks or Ministers, I still mu^t maul 'em And as of law so late my muse hath spoken. The thread of my discourse shall not be broken; So come forth, pensive wool'Sack, kgal clay ! 56 ALL THE BLOCKS : * Giant refreshed! The lingering law's delay ! The Chancery's dray-cart ! Drone of Lincoln's Inn- The tight-cork'd bottle of its endless bin I Since vain's the legal search we may pursue : An E-d-n's sapience blunts the keenest screw. Once more the raven croaks — fell bird of fate ! — No cause decided — masters arbitrate; — Sly ruse, by which the judge his conscience eases^ 'Refexring judgment wheresoe'er he pleases. Now listen, prithee, to his studied rantf— ^ His vows, his eye-drops, hyberbolic cant : So fearful of infringing justice' laws — So rooted to uphold the suppliant's cause — That, wav'ring o'er the burthen of his song. In striving to do right, he oft does wrong. * Giant refreshed.} — A very favourite expression of his Lordship's, who, doubtless, thereby means te convey an idea of the ponderosity of his judgment. J/iS sumum sape summa est malitia, TERENCE. * His studied rant, ^-c.]— When Lord E-d-n favours the C-*-t of CU-nc-ry with a speech it may with truth be stiled A SATIRICAL POEM. 37 MALAOMA. Who in a judge can caution reprehend ? FLAGELLUM. Such caution can't be deem'd the claimant's friend. Decision long withheld. Sir, if you please. Is not a cure ; but worse than the disease : ^Tis like obtaining for asthmatic breath The patient's cure, by putting him to death : If two men wrangle about one estate, 'Twere better quickly to decide their fate : Since thereby right the sooner gets its own : While wrong, with equal justipe, is o'erthrown ; And both the sooner mental peace resume — He knows the worst, who once has heard his doom. hypermetcr, and has a somniferous charm attached to it, which never fails to become apparent with the counn^l, who uniformly address themselves to sleep, except indeed his lordship thinks fit to treat upon the pathetic, and when such proves the case, Nay, aad thou weeps t, Then most I snivel too. D 3 38 ALL THE BLOCKS : MALAGMA. I'm silent ; and must needs confess, that I Cannot in reason combat your reply. . FLAGELLUM. Here break we off, then ; that my muse may borrow A respite from her labours till to-morrow; When I my flagellations will renew: Till which. Sir, I am your's. — MALAGMA, The same to you. END OF DIALOGUE THE SECOND. A SATIRICAL POEM. 39 DIALOGUE THE THIRD. And now the saints began to reigtij For which th' bad ycarn'd so long in vain ; And felt such bowel hankeriags, To see an Empire, all of' kings, Dehvcr'd from the ^Egyptian awe Of justice, government, and law. Yet when they came to shape the moddf Xot one could fit another's noddle; For cv'ry individual brother Strove hand to fist against another: And still the maddest and most crack't Were found the busiest to transact. As many different intellects Are found t' have contrary effects ; And raany heads t' obstruct intrigues; As slowest insects have mobt le^s. BUTLEB. FLAGELLUM. \y ELL, Sir, and pray what think you now of things f Report talks loud of mighty bickerings: — D 4 40 ALL THE blocks; If M-lv-lle's* in, that S-din-th will stay out; Nay, Master C-nn-ng, top, begins to flout ; In short, these mongrels, if I can define. Are all attack'd with mania canine ; And, quite unmindful who's a friend, or brother. Like kittens, claw the eyes of one another. malagma. Can that be true ? * If M-lV'lh's out, 4-0.]— Dove sono molti capi, sono mortipareri. It is reported that L-d S-dm-th has had some qualms of conscience, as he does not altogether relish the idea of sit- ting down at the board with Scotch Hal ; for he swears that cutaneous disorders are catching, and smell very much of the felon's side of Newgate. Our able linguist C-nn-ng, on the other hand, will not be harassed with L-d S-dra-th : so, that, what with I 'nill and I woji'f, and I won't and I nill, we stand a fair chance of having every thing but unanimity and talents : however, there is an old adage, and heaven send it may be verified. — " When knaves fall out, honest mm ^et their own." A SATIRICAL POEM. 41 FLAGELLUM. Yea, friend : and don't you see. So meagre now is their majority. The Blocks, at length, have form'd the resolution. And fix'd the Senate's instant dissolution. In short, there needs no ghost -twixt me and you ; The truth is plain — they don't know what to do. MALAGMA. I fully trust they have no cause of fear; But soon will dazzle, with their bright career. FLAGELLUM. Faith, if they wish by acts the palm to win, 'Tis high time that their Honours should begin* ! * Honours should hegin.l — A trifling change in the lines of Shakspeartt's crook-back'd Richard, whose character bears a strong analogy to that of several of the Blocks, are not inapplicable to the present'ministerial phalanx. Yet soft! Em sharing spoil before the field is won : Gr-nv-lle still lives; talents still breathe to reiErn, When they are gone, then must we share the gain. 42 ALL THE blocks: But HOW a truce to all this tittle-tattle. Of thee, stauDch J-nky, next my Muse shall prattle : Whose sycophancy ne*er was known to lag ; — A good Court hackney, and an office fag. It mattered not to which point Boreas blew ; Thy steady weathercock was no less true ; Stood tow'rd St. James's^, whether foul or fair. And pointed thee direct to the back stair : Where thou hads't access to the R 1 ear — By turns, instilling hope, or doubt, or fear ; Whisp'ring to M-j-sty, that Pitt was ill, That Fox had got the gripes and ta'en a pill. How Boney for a surfeit swallowed physic. Or that some fete that morn was giv'n at Chiswick. Such was, dear J-nk-ns-n* ! thine envied place ; Such thy sage converse, pretty babe of grace ! * Such was dear J-nk-ns-n, SfC.I — ^This rapacious peer, better known by the simple appellation of J-nky, has for years past mane it his study to snatch at every opportunity of rising in the world. Animus quod perdidit optat, Atque in praterita se totus imagine versat. Petronius. A SATIRICAL POEM. 43 Of wondrous consequence^ all tongues must own — To guard our liberties^ preserve the throne. Oh! next to charm, how bold were thy pursuits ! How like fam'd giant, killing Jack in Boots ! When thou wast bent to march, with sword in Iiand, T' exterminate the regicidal band; And in the heart of Paris plant thy fame, With reeking carnage, sword, and raging flame ! A flowVy flourish, truly most quixotic ! With pow'rs endu'd instilling balm narcotic : A feat well worthy the most crazy wight — Saiicho the 'Squire, thyself redoubted knight. Stop we not here : sly J-nky ne'er eff'aces From memory the sweets of golden places; No flattery has been too fulsome, no step, however deroga- tory, too menial, when the price was an augmentation of wealth, and a rise in court favour. As to the back-stairs, it is a story that has, and will stand on record so long as his lordship shall live ; but back-stairs are nothing witli J-nky, who would with equal alacrity kiss back-d-s, if another place or pension could be procured by so honourable an em- ployment. 44 ALL THE blocks: Of which should readers wish a prompt solution. Let them but call to mind Pitt*s dissolution : When, vulture like, the pretty Cinque-ports eyeing. He nabb*d the spirit of poor Billy flying, Sneak'd to the back-stairs, and, in suppliant voice. Prayed to become the next in k-ngly choice. The boon once gain*d, all feeling be renounc'd ; Spread wide his talons, on the game then pounc'd ; Which for a Cbrth-m should have been secure — In blood to P-tt allied, and just as poor. This is the man now filling post of Sec : For Home Department ! nought can break his neck : Atlas political, whose shoulders' fort Can pensions, places^ sinecures, support; Who Mammon's throne would fill to sooth his itches. And, not content, then rob him of his breeches. A title wrought no change in H-wks-b-ry ; What simple J-nky was, the lord must be : For gold he panted, and for pelf doth pant; True sucking Court-leech ; ravenous cormorant; The greedy babe, not merely gorging pye. With mouth, but equally with goggle eye. Adieu ! adieu ! to Plutus I commend thee. As for old Nick, he always did befriend thee : A SATIRICAL POEM. 45 T ill I ■ I I . Most of his imps now form the high state legion ; So ril not introduce thee to his region. But take my leave, assur'd the blockish spell Must break, and waft ye to your native H . MALAGMA. Taca, my friend ! how impiously yeu dash on ! FLAGELLUM. Have I not reason ? — teach your Blocks compassion. MALAGMA. Their gentleness, invective should disarm; Since, if they do no good, they do no harm : Indeed, such virtue's negative, I own. FLAGELLUM. So comments, friettd, you'd better If ave alone. MALAGMA. Then first withdraw your taint against their feeling. FLAGELLUM. I shall, whea John Bull's sores they think of healing. 4)6 ALL THE blocks: MALAGMA. Their brains, Fd wager, will cure each disaster* FLAGELLUM. Have mercy ! rid us of the drawing planter — This true quack nostrum, fraught with ev'ry ill That fools can conjure up, and knaves instil. Oh, my dear country ! when will carnage cease. And blood-stain'd War be scarf 'd in gentle Peace ! When shall we greet each nation as a brother. And hail dear Mercy as our common mother! That hope extinguished now, so lately 'ray'd In garb of peace, though not of war afraid : Alike expert in all the arts of Mars, As prone to heal Bellona's dreadful scars : When must we look again those days to see ? Oh ! never, till some change of ministry. For now of blood-hounds view the yelping packs, W^ar in their mouths, grim terror on their backs ! The cabinet now hoops To arms! to arms! These the old friends of treasons and alarms ; Who to themselves assum'd exclusive rule. By sending Britain s Liberty to school ; A SATIRICAL POEM. 47 From Magna Charta ev'ry line erasing. And Habeas Corpus totally eftacing : Yet soft I I waver from ray destin'd point. And put my poem somewhat out of joint. Persons, not circumstances, prompt my lay. Therefore let me consistency obey ; And now resume the burthen of my song : Come, Geehoo Pegasus ! — get on, get on ! * Here's drum-head C-stl-r-gh, who all men know Was ne'er in want of two strings to his bozv : * Here's drum-head C-stl-r-gh, 4r.] — This haughty and •upercilious nobleman, respecting whose senseless rant I may well say, that it is " Full of sound and furi/y signifi/ing yiothinuy"* originally ranged with the oppositionists, though secretly a partizan of the court faction; and when at length he was candid enough to blazon forth his shameful hypocrisy, it was at a period, when of all others, he ought to have con- tinued silent; for, deaf to every sentiment of patriotism, he voted against the freedom of his native Lnd, by supporting the union with Ireland in the most vigorous manner : nay, and so strenuous was he upon that occasion, a^ even to ex- cite the astonishment and contempt of tlie very party with whom he had ranged himself. Little more nred be said as 48 ALL THE blocks: Who of the Union now his night-cap makes. No breach of faith his golden slumber wakes. Deaf to the groans of Erin's* sons he nods. And, doubtless, dreams of hell instead of gods. to his character ; for the man who could in the face of his country labour to effect its complete vassalage, is Monstrum horrenduiHy uiferrnef ingenSy cui lumen ademptum. Virgil. * Deaf to the groans of Erin's sons, ^^c] — During the contested election for Down, on which occasion this re- doubted Block was very deservedly ousted by Col. M-de, the following sketch appeared in a Dublin paper, which was most accurately drawn, and is allowed to be just as natural as the life, A CHARACTER! [From a Work published abroad.] " History has already recorded the premature growth of vice ; the unparalleled effrontery and unexampled depravity which sprung up in the mind, and influenced the conduct of this most abandoned young man. With a very superficial knowledge either of men or things, by the help of a tolera- bly extensive vocabulary, and with a most shameful disre- gard of character or consistency ; at an age when virtuous principles and patriotic sentiments take shelter in the human breast, and are hard to be dislodged from it, he obtruded himself on the notice of mankind by the coldness of his A SATIRICAL POEM. 49 Calls't thou to mind that epoch when thy voice Made Ireland's wants thy soul's approving choice; When heedless of her bigotry and blunders, Thy kings supported her in tone of thunders; But not of sense, for doubtless C-stl-r-gh * When duck't; the river god so frighted tiiee deportment, and the concealed corruptness of his hoart. By the penetrating eye of a foreign minister, lie was observed to possess no honourable feeling for his country, and there- fore was he chosen as the only person qualified or capable to bring about and accomplish its subjugation and depreda- tion, to rob it of its honest independence, and in fact to blot out its name from the history ot" nations." From the above sketch, no one can possibly blame the in- dependent Marchioness of Downshire, who, notwiih?tanding the many strings his lordship has to his bow, was determined, in spite of court cabal and ministerial interest, not to suffer vile pollution ; and therefore very dauntedly kicked the peer from the bed of clown, into which he had put one leg, and also conceived himself entitled to clap the other. * When duck't, &c.] — The ducking which his lordship experienced, I beg leave to remark, was not inflicted for the discovery of witchcraft in the peer, as every one knows from experience that he is no conjuror ; except, indeed, when he is to increase his store by any court manccuvre, and then no gentleman can possibly show more adeptness, that himself, at —Hie presto, begone. E 50 ALL THE BtOCKS: As to dispel the few poor grains of sense Which were awarded thee by Providence. O! had not fortune stoop'd her brat to save. Thou hadst been tenant of a wat'ry grave : Yet soft! fate's stern decree may yet be crown'd; 'Tis said, those born to swing are never drown'd. First friend to Uaion and the Catholics, Kow like Saint Paul hard kicking 'gainst the pricks. Leagu'd with a crew as witless as thyself. As prone to lay their honours on the shelf; And in the gen-ral tug for pensions, places. Change sentiments with sides, change friends with faces. Change ev'ry thing — presumptuous muse refraiti. All may be chang'd, save what they have nofe — brain, MALAGMA. 1 own your ending, Sir, is quite concise. FLAGELLUM. Why, plague on't, where's the use of being nice. A SATIRICAL POEM. 31 * Rhyme without reason makes the muse a fool. Therefore I briefly say, a foors a fool. Now let us in state's garden take a ramble. Which tho' late planted o'er with thorn and bramble, May yet present, in spite of all this pricking. Some plant that's not miworthy of the picking. MALAGMA. Lord, Sir, I see it; sure no flow'r that blows Can smell more sweet — Do snufF the state's moss Rose. FLAGELLUM. 'Tis vastly sweet* MALAGMA. Zounds ! leave it. Sir, alone ; Its thorns have prick'd my finger to the bone. * Rhj/me "vitkout reason.] — Miraris verbis nudis me scribcrc versus 9 Hos brevitas semus fecit conju7ig€re binos. F. 2 52 ALL THE BLOCKS : FLAGELLUM* I thought as much — Its stings conceard are 'ray'd In Presidency of the Board of Trade ; For, lo ' this Rose now helps the new state juggle. Who 'erst vow*d vengeance against all that smuggl^. Nay, not content, his fury nothing stems. His ire extended to the sons of Thames. For, now, i*faith, an anecdote Fll scan, 'Twas that which made him slight the waterman ; Who having rescued him once more to run The new court race — he gave him one pound one*. * One pound one.'] — ^This pretty flower, which now alter- nately sits down as vice-president of the board of trade a^id joint pay-master, was a few years back soused into the Thames, from whence he was rescued as above stated. The emoluments from government reaped from the various appointments this Block has received, would nearly liquidate the national debt. He is prime agent in all electioneering matters and intrigues, was many years secretary to the trea- sury, and brought into court by a publican for not paying his bill, after having employed him to keep open house for Lord Hood. It must be confessed, the Rose has industry and eipcriencef having padded the hoof' through all the degrad- A SATIRICAL FOEM. 53 MALAGMA. Good Lord! FLAGELLUM. Yes, he who from Britannia's ninnies Hath sacked so many, many thousand guineas ; Having been thus preserv'd by Providence, Gave but one guinea as a recorapence. MALAGJIA. ^is infamous ; the waterman — odd rot *em. Why save his stingy carcase from the bottom f ing and menial stages of political servitude; but as for intel- lectual capacity, refined taste, expansion oi genius, or any one thing connected with real talent, he may boast just as much as his idol Silly Billy, who now sits lord paramount As for the led of roses, which was so much talked of as the couch whereto the late administration succeeded, it was merely so dcmominated in consequence of its having been for a long period, the * Soft, lazy cushion, on which," our Georgy R-se, and family, had basked and fattened in tlie full plenitude of a golden sun, which shone upon their uu worthiness, at the expence of the public treasury, 54 AXi* THE blocks: Speak of a less, ungrateful wretch _, I pray ; For as to R-se, I've not one word to say. FLAGELLUM. Well, let me see awhile how matters stand, O ! there's the privy seal. Earl VV-stm-r-1-nd* ; Who hath as neatly his snug post beguil'd. As formerly he did the rich Miss Ch-ld. He state affairs now sapiently doth con. With visage melancholic as the Don ; And by deportment grave thinks to inspire Each gazer with ideas of wisdom's fire ; *0/ thtre's the privy seal. Earl JV-stm-r-l-nd, SfC."] — This noble guardian of the privy seal is, perhaps, one of the vainest coxcombs in existence ; and the predeliction which the fair sex have for him is very extraordinary, considering his real insignificance as a man. With respect to the Gretna Green trip with the b-nk-r's daughter, it affords not only a striking instance of his gallantry, but a sterling proof that he was not deficient in his election on the score of interest. ** There's b^gary in the love that can be reckoned.*' '■■ Shakspeare. A SATIRICAL POEM. 55 But faith, my lord, tUc whole stock of your art Consists in knowing Chesterfield hy heart. From ball to business, business back to ball. At both alike well polish'd — that is all*. Not so. Lord T-gum-thf, for, upon my soul. He should rank first, not junior in controul. * That is alL] — It is said of this earl*, that when viceroy of Ireland, he could accommodate his manners to all occasions at pleasure, and that, without change of dress, he would re- pair from his chamber of oflice to the gay ball-room : but this is not to be wondered at, for lacing a man for the ladies, *' his business was pleasure, and liis pleasure business ;" be- ing 50 absolutely a slave to it as never to recollect that he had many things to do besides intriguing and dancing. Chi tutlo ai da al lusso mcriLa piit il name di donna, chc diliuome. f Not SO, Lord T-gfjm-th.] Eo magis pro'fulgebat qvod non vidcbatur. Tacitus. The consistency with which this peer has uniformly con- ducted himself cannot fail to call forth the just tribute of praise from every honest breast ; and I am t-nly sorry tlsat his lordship's deserts should be rccompejised by a jiir.ior situa- tion at the board of controul, instead of fiil'U'; the most conspicuous post in that department ol the siatf. But di)lh nt Vr suiTi r ui-do'.n to inherit : Took love tiieir kiiKiiud; Blocks blight iiicii of menr. E 4 56 ALL THE blocks: He's an exception, for his caput's stor'd With talents worthy first place at the board-, Which simple fact sufficiently explains The Blocks slight merit; but they have no brains: Reason, most ample, it must be confessed. The treasury now with H-sk-ss-n* is bless'd, * This worthy limb of our present administration was one of those supporters of Mr. Pitt who withdrew \yith that j?re- TMzer, after receiving a snug pension of 12Q©1. per arinum j but upon the recal of that gentleman, the subject of the present note, figured again into office ; subsequent to which he was once niore accommodated with the station of sub- secretary of the treasury. However, on the accession of All the Talents, he was of course compelled to retire, being himself possessed of none ; but now, with the Blocks, he acts a very forward part, for " Birds of a feather will flock together." As I have so recently spoken of All the Talents, I beg leave to add, in addition to the reasons alledged in ray De4icatiGn, which went to prove that they were truly deserving the title; that it was not only in contemplation, but absolutely resolved, that a total abolition of ti^thes should immediately take place. In the war department we have another very interesting Block of the above description, one Sir James P-lt-n-y, its secretary, who, on account of his having failed most egre- giously in the expedition to Ferrol, is deemed, of all mili- tary men, the most appropriate to give good advice, and con- duct enterprises of a similar nature, and which there is no doubt will have an equally glorious termination. A SATIRICAL POEM. 57 It's secretary's post lie's call'd to hold ; A worthy wight — he knows the worth of gold ; I^ong practice fits him for all tasks at ease. The place is snug, and there are pretty fees. Hold^ for one moment [ must turn my steed. And to tlie Admiralty once more speed; In flights poetic, I forgot a lord, A spick-span new one, I mean Bohby W-rd*. Who once conceiv'd that he lash'd Boney's sins. When state's sub. sec. he penn'd the bulletins. Those specimens renown'd of his shrew'd wits. Long details of the fight at Austerlitz ; Which had been quite complete — I tell ye sooth — Had they not been deficient all in — Truth, ♦ This gentleman, like many of the Blocks, shared the loaves and fishes during the administration of Pitt; and on retiring with that minister from oftlce as one of the secre- lariesfor the foreign department, he did not forget to ensure a pension of lOOOl. per annum, as a monument oi the wort/ty services which he had rendered the state. With the Blocks he has once more determined to taste the sweets of a place ; and, therefore, being originally bred to the bar, is very ap- propriately made an admiralty lord, to advise with his ^nar- tial compeer, the mighty M-lgr-ve ; whope charger having ran restive, has carried his rider full tilt from the Horse Guards to the Admiralty, where it is much feared that he \\\\\ break his neck. 58 ALL THE blocks: Those great men B-th-rst*, M-ntr-sef, and Ch-th-mf, Are not, in my opinion, worth one d— n. * The precious peer who now sits as president of the board ©f trade, is as well acquainted with the mercantile interests of Great Britain as Lord M-lgr-vc is with naval tactics, or Mr. P-rc-v-1 with matters relating to finance ; in fine, all the Blocks are raised to situations for which they are neither qualified by their previous habits in life, or the acquirements «f study, so that when they err^ they certainly do not know it. " If ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise." Upon the same principle, Mr. C-nn-ng, as before stated, is our secretary for foreign affairs solely because he cannot speak Trench, in which tongue all foreign ministers hold their conferences. •f- It must be allowed, that there is no rule without an ex- ception, as mav be instanced in the nobleman who is now nominated to the post of master of the horse ; the sole du- ties of which station consist in riding about in the king's coach, drawn by the king's horses, to see that the palfiics' tails and manes are properly comb'd, their stables cleaned, and the mews swept, &c. This very duke, when in of- fice on a former occasion, occupied the place of president af the board of trade, when he committed so many A SATIKICAL POKM. 59 MALAGMA. What greet in terms so harsh three stately peers FLAGELLUM. Aye, what of that! lords may have ass's ears; Which all in vain the junto strive to dock — Brains cannot he extracted from a Block : unpardonable faults, and issued so many coiuradictory or- ders, that what tiie merchants understood to he the inten- tion of government to-day, were generally reversed on the morrow; upon which account he, on the accession of hi« fricmls the Blocks, rather preferred relinquishing that oftice, which requires sofue talent, in lieu of which he accepted the present, requiring no ialt/it at all. J The Earl of Ch-th-m, our master general of tiie ord- nance, may be well termed a cypher and loiteriT in bubine>s, and is very appropriately crammed in the above line of poetry with his two sapient associates. One thin . !(. \\,x.fourlr"s his — wise Providence? 60 ALL THE blocks: Tljen who the deuce e'er heard before of C-md-ii_, On pole 'twere better fix the scull of Hamden : His sconce at least with awe the Blocks might strike. MALAGMA. As how ? FLAGELLUM. Why prove to us Britannia^s pike. Restraining them from whatsoe'er should be Encroachments on Old England's liberty : Not so this keeper of the priry seal. What will become of our poor public weal ? Guarded by lords, from whom one might as soon Expect good sense, as from the babes o'the moon. In B-df-rd's shoes now marches on K-ch—mojid ; Who late sail'd over the salt-water pond. * The salt water j>ondJ\ — The requisites of our present lord lieutenant of Ireland are very great, and perfectly consistent with the ideas of our junto oi Blocks ; for instance, his grace drinks like a fish ; an excellent specific for the pro- curement of a cool head in matters of state. " Corpus onustum, " Hestcrnis vitiis animum guogue pr(Pgravat una'' Horace. A SATIRICAL POEM, 6l He who so closely shav'd the D-ke o f Y-k, — An head he miss*d not — no — it was a cork. But to proceed, the vessel was not stranded, A lucky chance, and so his grace is landed. To give old Cerbcrui a sugar'd sop. And should he growl, then make the monster hop. He plays at cricket d. merveillc — a school-boy's accomplish- rnciit, well suited to keep the political ball in motion, when adroitly struck, as at the present period, with Bats or Blocks. And as to fighting, zvliy he uill pistol it Viitk a prince^ or a stone -aallf with as much coohjess as I can eat an apple ; and who are such redoubted gentlemen at a shot as your iiiberniaa blunderers? Ce monde est plain defous, et qui n*cn vcutpas zoir^ Doit se rcnfermer seal et cesser son miroir, BoiLEAU, As to the catholic question, or the claims of a people, it must be understood, that this Block is merely sent over to govern, being as ignorant of those matters as a mill-post; nay, and where he ever versed in those points, it would be to no effect, as his mouth is padlocked and his hands fet- tered. In short, he can promise nothings think of nothing, and do nothing, for the poor inhabitants of that unfortunata country. 62 ALL THE blocks: Bring him to reason with the gun and rope. Cement the union by the death o'the Pope : Root out all prejudice for bigotry ; In short, blow up at once the Romish see; Abolish priestcraft, masses, beads, the host. And show that Blocks know how to rule the roast. Nay, I advise the senate's sapient owls To interdict, slap-bang, all Irish howls. Whose tones and meaning very ably teach The style and substance of each blockhead's speech' We've gen'rals twain, tho* not i'the army — for Th' attorney's one ; t'other solicitor ; But when they're nam'd you'll own I tell no fibs. Friend Pl-m-r one ; and t'other Sir Vic. G-bbsf. * Proh supri f quantum mortalia pectora caca Koctis hubent. Ovid. f This limb of the law, of Devonshire extraction, was edu- cated at Eaton, and after the necessary course of study, was called to the bar, in which profession he distinguished him* self as counsel with Mr. (now Lord) Er shine in pleading for Messrs. Hardy, &c. at the Old Bailey, in 179^; fi'om which period to the presetit epoch it is sufficient to add, that he has bc^n a uniform babe of his profession, and now chuckles (attorney-general of the Blocks) embosoin'd in his capa- cious wig. A SATIRICAL POEM. 65 Both gifted with rare talents at a quibble, Both fond of that which made 'em plead and scribble; Nor more, nor less, than what so oft' hath sold Fame, honour, conscience, that dear metal gold. With equal thirst of lucre in his soul. Each with his friends, no doubt, the ball will rortfl About the sphere, collect th'adhesive snow. Dead to compunction, deaf to Britain's woe. MALAGMA. You judge 'era hardly FLAGELLUM. No, Sir, there's no flaw. My brief designates them as men of law ; Staunch proof, to vouch the 'foresaid without fuss. Lawyer and gripe being terms synonimous : Yet hold, my muse grows weary of these dogs. These pond'rous Blocks, this useless tier of logs. 64f ALL THE BLOCKS MALAGMA. *Im truly happy. Sir, twixl you and me, The lash will end— - FLAGELLUM. Hold, Hold, there's W-11-sl-y* ; Fam*d marquis, who at Eaton conn'd his book. There learn'd to speechify by hook and crook : Whose love of monarchy naught could retrench, •Who curs'd at heart the sacrilegious French ; * Hold, hold, here's Marquis lF-U-s4-y.] — ^This pompous peer, while studying at Eaton, is reported to have acquired the gift of the gab, by rendering himself conspicuous with the rest of his associates, as the speaker in a mock parlia- ment, which was held among the students for the purposes of debating ; and it would certainly be unjustifiable in me not to allow, that every oratorical specimen which he has given at a more advanced period of life, bears so strong an affmity to the rant of a child, that, it would more than ap- pear probable, he is not yet free from the trammels of X)r, Birchf were it not beyond a doubt that he took upon him- self the task of •whipper-in general, while vested with the su*^ preme governorship of India. A SATIRICAL POEM. 65 Thunder'd forth senseless jargon, long his pride. Howling damnation on each regicide. Of England's m-n-rch too beloved peer, Yet doom'd at length from courtly smiles to steer ; Wafting his high-blown insolence to pall And scare the peaceful natives of Bengal* : * Natives of Bengal.] — In order to give a just detail, I shall commence with a description of the person of the marquis, which is of a pigmy size, and much like the ape as to his physiognomy. He piques himself (and that with truth) on its resemblance to the countenance of Bonaparte, whose mind bears an equal affinity to that of our marquis. But that the public may form a better judgment on this head, it should be stated that our peer formed a Legion of Honour at Calcutta, after the model of Napoleon's, which was named Honorary Aids dc Camp. To all letters of the most trivial import, the following words appeared by way of prelude : His Excellency the most noble the Goiernor Gene- ralf SfC. But this was not all ; for, to support the mockery of majesty, he regularly held his levees, at which he received foreign ambassadors, seated en a throne which was shaded by a sumptuous canopy ; and it was his lordship who first thought of sending ambassadors to other states at a most enormous expence. If invited to an entertainment, our noble peer would not attend, unless a throne and canopy were erected to receive him ; and upon entering the saloon, V 66 ALL THE blocks: While there such anecdotes I could rehearse. As rhymster ne'er yet chronicled ia verse ; Of suras in r^anng palace idly foord*. Of slaves in thousands by this despot ruFd. two black troopers always preceded him with drawn swords, in order to clear the way for his sublime fiofMzgness. As to his porap, he was not satisfied with the countless minions that surrounded him; but even proceeded so far, as to be desir- ous of making a lacquey of his Aid de Camp C-t-n Gr-v-U, son of the E — 1 of W , whom he would fain have re- duced to the station of step-holder of his carriage when he entered the same ; and it is no less true, that he quarrelled with the present Ch-f J-st-ce of Calcutta, because that law dignitary would not light him to the door, ** Unreal mockeTy, hence P Macbeth. * Palace idlyfooVd.'] — The marquis caused a mint of mo.- ney to be expended on his palace and other buildings at Calcutta, and in the vicinity ; and it should not be forgotten, that the scite on which the grand edifice now stands, was formerly covered with numberless cottages, belonging to the poor and industrious Indians, who were all smoked away like rats, to make room for the enormous residence of his littlt majesty. This lord made frequent excursions up the river to visit a chateau de campagne; on which occasions, the A SATIRICAL POI'M. 6? Legions of troops* obedient to liis nod, Hindoos who feared him as an her^then God : Since, when abroad, behind his palanquin. At least one thousand horsemen might be seen ; And when he offered to Dame Cloacinii, Mushn was spread, no doubt, to make all clean a ; While in attendance, (for such was his rule) An hundred slaves arc ait ed near the ^tool : stream was literally covered vith innumerable budgarows, or barges, containing his endless suite. It should also be re- membered, that these jaunting* were effected at the cost of many, mani^ thousands sterling; but that consideration was no preventive to his lordship, who conceived, to use the vords of Pcrsius, that — At pulchrum est digito wo/iatrari S- dicur /nc est. * Legions of troops.] — T/ic bod^ guards (for the marquis, like Napoleon, must take care of his insignificant carcase) consisted of several hundred men ; and, with re:>pect i.o ihcir horses, they were all conveyed, at a most enormous charge, from MaJras, while their trappings, which vscio wrought at the same place, were expensive and sumptuous beyond all description; the charge fuv which was of course equal in proportion. F ^ 68 ALL THE blocks: 'Twas there the marquis gave ambition vent. His proud soul panting for aggradizement : — Of such his acts he laughM to scorn th' inspectors ; Wip'd breech with loud complaints of the directors ; Who, all in vain, expostulated, grumbled. His lofty lordship was not to be humbled. At length recall'd, as thought, in dire disgrace. Instead of trial, he's to have — a place*. For all the Blocks his lordship's worth adore. And so with spunge they'll cancel the milk-score. White-wash his black-ball'd fame, and like a barber. Straight send him forth that none a doubt may harbour. Yet there's another fact I must make known, — The noble marquis docs not stand alone : * To have a place.^ — Aye, and will have one too when the electioneering contests shall be terminated, and that the Blocks know their strength ; for the public may be assured of seeing the marquis either First Lord of' the Treasury, or Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs; that is to say, as shall be agreed between this peer, my Lord M-lv-lle, and the amiable Master C-nn-ng. A SATIRICAL POEM. 69 Britannia's torturM by an hord of fleas. Not merely one, but swarms of W-U-sl-ys*. In vain, wben bitten, 9^ their lives would crop off. The cunning vermin quick as lightning hop off; The nip evade, and then return to bite. With tenfold hunger, and with tenfold spite. But to the race, farewell, and eke to those Whom peaceful I have suffer'd to repose. My steed is fagg'd — my muse begins to nod. And in such case, 'twere belter drop the rod : Therefore, O ! Blocks, I tell you one and all. My hope unceasing is your speedy fall. Adieu, farewell, V\\ cast off spleen uncivil ; Wish All the Talents back, ye at the devilf. * Swarms of W-ll-sl-ysJ] — If the reader be unacquainted - with this ftict, it will be necessary to inform him, that the Honourable ll-nry W-ll-sJ-y fills the office of Secretary to the Treasuary ; the Honourable W-U-sl-y P-le is Secretary to the Board of Ordnance ; and Sir Arth-ur W-ll-sl-y oc- cupies the post of Secretary to the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. t Dens hae fortasse benignS, Ktducci in seUem vice, Horace. 70 ALL THE blocks: TO FRIEND POLYPUS. 1 MUST allow, redoubted Polypus_, Your talents make a most confounded fuss ; But where they are my muse cannot discover : For being of good verse, a judge and lover. Your style is often turgid — often poor; Your meaning dubious, and your sense obscure :. And when I condescend to talk of time,. Your measurers faulty— couplets void of rhyme :. So much as Poetaster. — If I quote Your prose, the burthen of full many a note Appears as if the comment had been press'd_. And ti et armis ^listed 'mongst the rest*. * As it would be very unjust to hazard an assertion with- out giving a proof — in page 79, <^f ^ii the Talents, appears. the ensuing couplet : If not t' attack myself must be the end oaf; I verus ME' — both plaintiff and defendant / A rhyme it may be called, if out and a?it can be so deno- minated. But if the public be desirous of reading poverty A SATIRICAL POEM. 71 Thus briefly having spoke my mind^ adieu ! More lenient prove to me, than I to you. of idea, and a rhyme apphcd, as I may say, without rhyme or reason, refer to page 36', and there will be found the fol- lowing hnes : Thee, scovmng pomp oi retinue and plate, Prudence makes rich, and virtue renders great. An idea as miserable in itself, as it is poorly expresstnl; however it is, without doubt, well appropriated to the facul- ties of the present ministry. But I need no further obtrude upon my reader's patience, who, if he has perused The Talcnt€y must have selected an ample catalogue of such de- tectc, forming an addenda to the present note- 72 ELIJAH'S IMANTLE PARODIED. Now, by fell Satan's dire command. Old F-rtUnd comes from Folly's land. To seal Britannia's shame ; His mantle Harry D — hath caught. Who's with a Mammon's spirit fraught. To play the former game. In P-rtl-nd Englatid sees combin'd A worn-out body, crazy mind, A blockhead's spirit here ; For, sad reverse, of Gr-nv-lle 'reft-— No hope, no confidence is left ; No Talents now are near. Elijah's mantle PAitoDir.D. 73 Yes, M-lv-lle, to increase his fame. To all the mantle now lays .claim, For pelt' he still can feel ; Sordid, anew resolves to soar, >Jo matter tho* th' exchequer's poor. The motto's— '^ Pick and steal." A piece to J-nky he lets fall. Whose ij-loss doth to his mind recall His former envied slate ; When quite weighed down with golden cares^ He us'd to sneak to the back stairs. With S-vr»gnty to prate. O ! P-rc*v-l, thy scrap inspires No patriot's zeal, no P-tty's fires. Well stock'd with P-rtl-nd leaven ; A lawyer to thy latest day, For Duchy thou couldst panting pray^ Lucre thine only Heav'n. Cnn-ng, thy remnant pnly shows Thy spint lost to manly woes : Let feeling once unbend ; Greater than thee tears oft' have sKed : Tbine old associates are not dead, And Br-nsl-y was thy friead. 74 Elijah's mantle parodiei>. Is it the scrap which ihou hast torn Prom P-rtl-nd's mantle^ raakes thee scorn The tutor of thy youth ? Bail at those talents till thou-rt hoarse. Which cloth 'd thy wits, a naked corse, Such, C-nn-ng, is the truth. Beneath the robe, 'tis M-lgr-v-^s fate To steer the wooden walls of state,— r Ah ! woe to this sad age ! Ere long Old England's trident bright Must be for ever scarfed in night. And blurr'd from glory -s page. A remnant too must Eld-n wear. The seals of chancery his share. Where perchM in owl-like pride : Poor clients all, ye may cabal, Tho' right be Jack and wrong be Halt, ' The cause he won't decide. Our trade is governed by the wits Of B-tb-rst— Ah \ iny wealthy cits. Well may ye dread impart ; Too soon, I fear, you'll feel the vfoe^ Of having one who does not know ' To con the merchant's chart. Elijah's maxtle parodied. 75 From mantle next is torn the rag Of pretty R-se, hung olU for flag. No doubt he'll gripe it fast. Vice-president, his leading star. Will prompt him to the venal war. Anew he'll act the past, E-rl W-stm-r-1-nd alike must feel The mantle's warmth — lord privy seal^ With C-md-n, void of worth. Who owns the sweets of power and place ; Both arm'd to stamp our realm's disgrace. Twin Blocks of P-rtl-nd birth. G-bbs by the robe's alike wrapp'd round. Attorney-general profound. Amongst the new compeers ; He in this cloak of M-lv-lle stuff Thinks all opponents to rebuff. And scare with ass's ears. Yes, threaten'd thus is Britain's land By All the Blocks^ a despr'ate band. Who ne'er will stand reprov'd ; Wisdom their follies cannot check. Nor save from universal wreck My country well belov'd. 76 EtlJAH^S, xMAl^tLE PAti6tiit1d^ Rise, Grnv-lle, from iby Uansiqi^t^r^ve^ ^^ . Return thy native land to s^ve, '/ji^i- iO Thy well-eain'd honours ckim j^^,^^^^^ Strike Jll the Blocks with palsied fear,.,,j,^;Tjr Anew let Ml .the Taknt,$ xgslX ; j . .fj^ m }[;// The clarion voice of Fame,. | '^ ? r-x\\^ lyj\ Win djI:::: f):t-f-v;:;;£.V/ H 'I J;.:;^ X'^^'-j '>'Ol^~'-*iniiiv/ :.'viJn;jm o;!T .f:Ji; 1 ;•". • :- , ]o 8;-!'iU.a HI wT THE END. ^ £*ic;:r]rr:G3 v;::i crj jr^;fh;rrA A rji.ic: of!-v!-I^ 'it> :!:;t)i'j gjiJj ni i,H IS .o:::'> c'i?:: iljj/? oi^'js [}nA i'l/voKpi t)r/::? !!:// i: 'tjfi 0117/" 4:'.j;f!j ioar.^'i vj.Uol A'jiU anljiVif • Ji ' V i) [ V (J 11 •-• }f -' ! ' ; .' ;; j ^ v • ' r J. G. baiiiard; PnuteiV Sliow-hill. ,ri60eB9