The Dramatic Works o 
 
 Bernard [Sttaw.^.-'N^ii;; 
 The Philanderer. A 
 
 Topical Comedy 
 
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THE PHILANDERER 
 
The Philanderer: A Topi- 
 cal Comedy. By ISerngrd 
 Shaw. 
 
 Archibald Constable & Co. 
 Ltd. London: 1906. 
 
[This play has been publicly performed within the United Kingdom. It is 
 entered at Stationer? Hall and the Library of Congress, U.S.A. All rights 
 reserved.] 
 
 Printed by R. & R. Clark, Limited, Edinburgh. 
 
p 
 
 
 THE PHILANDERER 
 
 ACT I 
 
 A lady and gentleman are making love to o?ie another in the 
 drawing-room of a flat in Ashley Gardens in the Victoria 
 district of London. It is past ten at night. The walls are 
 hung with theatrical engravings and photographs ; Kemble as 
 Hamlet, Mrs Siddons as Queen Katharine pleading in courts 
 Macready as Werner {after Maclise), Sir Henry Irving as 
 Richard III {after Long), Miss Ellen Terry, Mrs Kendal, 
 Miss Ada Rehan, Madame Sarah Bernhardt, Mr Henry 
 Arthur Jones, Mr A. W. Pinero, Mr Sydney Grundy, and 
 so on, but not the Signora Duse or anyone connected with Ibsen. 
 The room is not rectangular, one corner being cut off diagonally 
 by the doorway, and the opposite one rounded by a turret window 
 filled up with a stand of flowers surrounding a statuet of Shake- 
 spear. The fireplace is on the doorway side, with an armchair 
 near it. A small round table, further from the door on the 
 same side, with a chair beside it, has a yellow backed French 
 novel lying open on it. The piano, a grand, is on the Shake- 
 spear side, open, with the keyboard at right angles to the wall. 
 The piece of music on the desk is " When other lips? In- 
 candescent lights, well shaded, are on the piano and mantelpiece. 
 Near the piano is a sofa, on which the lady and gentleman art 
 seated affectionately side by side, in one another's arms. 
 
 863314 
 
74 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 The lady, Grace Tranfield, is about 32, slight of build, 
 delicate of feature, and sensitive in expression. She is just 
 now given up to . the emotion of the moment ; but her well 
 
 * .closed \mfltfhi, $rt>udly set brows, firm chin, and elegant carriage 
 .* show plenty vf 'determination and self respect. She is in even- 
 . //? drpsit^ 1 \ .% * \ 
 
 V;5TJ& * gentleman," 'Leonard Charteris, a few years older, is 
 unconventionally but smartly dressed in a velvet jacket and 
 cashmere trousers. His collar, dyed Wot an blue, is part of his 
 shirt, and turns over a garnet colored scarf of Indian silk, 
 secured by a turquoise ring. He wears blue socks and leather 
 sandals. The arrangement of his tawny hair, and of his 
 moustaches and short beard, is apparently left to Nature ; 
 but he has taken care that Nature shall do him the full- 
 est justice. His amative enthusiasm, at which he is himself 
 laughing, and his clever, imaginative, humorous ways, contrast 
 strongly with the sincere tenderness and dignified quietness of the 
 woman. 
 
 charteris [impulsively clasping Grace] My dearest love. 
 
 grace [responding affectionately] My darling. Are you 
 happy ? 
 
 charteris. In Heaven. 
 
 grace. My own. 
 
 charteris. My heart's love. [He sighs happily, and 
 takes her hands in his, looking quaintly at her]. That must 
 positively be my last kiss, Grace ; or I shall become down- 
 right silly. Let us talk. [He releases her and sits a little 
 apart], Grace : is this your first love affair ? 
 
 grace. Have you forgotten that I am a widow ? Do 
 you think I married Tranfield for money ? 
 
 charteris. How do I know ? Besides, you might have 
 married him not because you loved him, but because you 
 didnt love anybody else. When one is young, one marries 
 out of mere curiosity, just to see what it's like. 
 
 grace. Well, since you ask me, I never was in love 
 with Tranfield, though I only found that out when I fell 
 
Act I The Philanderer 75 
 
 in love with you. But I used to like him for being in 
 love with me. It brought out all the good in him so much 
 that I have wanted to be in love with someone ever since. 
 I hope, now that I am in love with you, you will like me 
 for it just as I liked Tranfield. 
 
 charteris. My dear : it is because I like you that I 
 want to marry you. I could love anybody any pretty 
 woman, that is. 
 
 grace. Do you really mean that, Leonard ? 
 
 charteris. Of course. Why not ? 
 
 grace [refecting] Never mind. Now tell me, is this 
 your first love affair? 
 
 charteris [amazed at the simplicity of the question] No, 
 bless my soul, no ; nor my second, nor my third. 
 
 grace. But I mean your first serious one ? 
 
 charteris [with a certain hesitation] Yes. [There is a 
 pause. She is not convinced. He adds, with a very percep- 
 tible load on his conscience] It is the first in which / have 
 been serious. 
 
 grace [searchingly] I see. The other parties were 
 always serious. 
 
 charteris. Not always. Heaven forbid ! 
 
 grace. How often ? 
 
 charteris. Well, once. 
 
 grace. Julia Craven ? 
 
 charteris [recoiling] Who told you that ? [She shakes 
 her head mysteriously. He turns away from her moodily and 
 adds] You had much better not have asked. 
 
 grace [gently] I'm sorry, dear. [She puts out her hand 
 and pulls softly at him to bring him near her again], 
 
 charteris [yielding mechanically to the pull, and allowing 
 her hand to rest on his arm, but sitting squarely without the 
 least attempt to return the caress]. Do I feel harder to the 
 touch than I did five minutes ago ? 
 
 grace. What nonsense ! 
 
 charteris. I feel as if my body had turned into the 
 toughest hickory. That is what comes of reminding me 
 
7 6 
 
 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 of Julia Craven. [Brooding, with his chin on his right hand 
 and his elbow on his knee] I have sat alone with her just 
 as I am sitting with you 
 
 grace [shrinking from him] Just ! 
 
 charteris [sitting upright and facing her steadily] Just 
 exactly. She has put her hands in mine, and laid her 
 cheek against mine, and listened to me saying all sorts of 
 silly things. [Grace, chilled to the soul, rises from the sofa 
 and sits down on the piano stool, with her back to the keyboard]. 
 Ah, you dont want to hear any more of the story. So 
 much the better. 
 
 grace [deeply hurt, but controlling herself] When did you 
 break it off? 
 
 charteris [guiltily] Break it off? 
 
 grace [firmly] Yes : break it off. 
 
 charteris. Well : let me see. When did I fall in love 
 with you ? 
 
 grace. Did you break it off then ? 
 
 charteris [mischievously making it plaitier and plainer 
 that it has not been broken off] It was clear then, of course, 
 that it must be broken off. 
 
 grace. And did you break it off? 
 
 charteris. Oh, yes : / broke it off. 
 
 grace. But did she break it off? 
 
 charteris [rising] As a favor to me, dearest, change the 
 subject. Come away from the piano : I want you to sit 
 here with me. [He takes a step towards her], 
 
 grace. No. I also have grown hard to the touch much 
 harder than hickory for the present. Did she break it off? 
 
 charteris. My dear, be reasonable. It was fully ex- 
 plained to her that it was to be broken off. 
 
 grace. Did she accept the explanation ? 
 
 charteris. She did what a woman like Julia always 
 does. When I explained personally, she said it was not 
 my better self that was speaking, and that she knew I 
 still really loved her. When I wrote it to her with brutal 
 explicitness, she read the letter carefully and then sent it 
 
Act I The Philanderer jj 
 
 back to me with a note to say that she had not had the 
 courage to open it, and that I ought to be ashamed of hav- 
 ing written it. [He comes beside Grace, and puts his left hand 
 caressingly round her neck]. You see, dearie, she wont look 
 the situation in the face. 
 
 grace [shaking off his hand and turning a little away on 
 the stool] I am afraid, from the light way you speak of it, 
 you did not sound the right chord. 
 
 charteris. My dear : when you are doing what a woman 
 calls breaking her heart, you may sound the very prettiest 
 chords you can find on the piano ; but to her ears it is 
 just like this [He sits down on the bass end of the keyboard, 
 Grace puts her fingers in her ears. He rises and moves away 
 from the piano, saying] No, my dear : Ive been kind ; Ive 
 been frank ; Ive been everything that a goodnatured man 
 can be ; but she only takes it as the making up of a lovers' 
 quarrel. [Grace winces]. Frankness and kindness : one 
 is as bad as the other especially frankness. Ive tried 
 both. [He crosses to the fireplace, and stands facing the fire, 
 looking at the ornaments on the mantelpiece and warming his 
 hands]. 
 
 grace [her voice a little strained] What are you going to 
 try now ? 
 
 charteris [on the hearthrug, turning to face her] Action, 
 my dear ! Marriage ! ! In that she must believe. She 
 wont be convinced by anything short of it, because, you 
 see, Ive had some tremendous philanderings before, and 
 have gone back to her after them. 
 
 grace. And so that is why you want to marry me ? 
 
 charteris. I cannot deny it, my love. Yes : it is your 
 mission to rescue me from Julia. 
 
 grace [rising] Then, if you please, I decline to be made 
 use of for any such purpose. I will not steal you from 
 another woman. [She begins to walk up and down the room 
 with ominous disquiet]* 
 
 charteris. Steal me ! [He comes towards her], Grace: 
 I have a question to put to you as an advanced woman. 
 
yS The Philanderer Act I 
 
 Mind ! as an advanced woman. Does Julia belong to me ? 
 Am I her owner her master ? 
 
 grace. Certainly not. No woman is the property of 
 a man. A woman belongs to herself and to nobody else. 
 
 charteris. Quite right. Ibsen for ever ! Thats ex- 
 actly my opinion. Now tell me, do I belong to Julia ; or 
 have I a right to belong to myself? 
 
 grace [puzzled] Of course you have ; but 
 
 charteris [interrupting her triumphantly] Then how can 
 you steal me from Julia if I dont belong to her ? [He 
 catches her by the shoulders and holds her out at arms length 
 in front of him]. Eh, little philosopher ? No, my dear : 
 if Ibsen sauce is good for the goose, it's good for the 
 gander as well. Besides [coaxing her] it was nothing but a 
 philander with Julia nothing else in the world, I assure 
 you. 
 
 grace [breaking away from him] So much the worse ! 
 I hate your philanderings : they make me ashamed of you 
 and of myself. [She goes to the sofa and sits in the corner 
 furthest from the piano, leaning gloomily on her elbow with her 
 face averted], 
 
 charteris. Grace : you utterly misunderstand the 
 origin of my philanderings. [He sits down beside her]. Listen 
 to me : am I a particularly handsome man ? 
 
 grace [astonished at his conceit] No ! 
 
 charteris [triumphantly] You admit it. Am I a well 
 dressed man ? 
 
 grace. Not particularly. 
 
 charteris. Of course not. Have I a romantic mysteri- 
 ous charm about me ? do I look as if a secret sorrow 
 preyed on me ? am I gallant to women ? 
 
 grace. Not in the least. 
 
 charteris. Certainly not. No one can accuse me of 
 it. Then whose fault is it that half the women I speak 
 to fall in love with me ? Not mine : I hate it : it bores 
 me to distraction. At first it flattered me delighted me 
 that was how Julia got me, because she was the first 
 
Act I The Philanderer 79 
 
 woman who had the pluck to make me a declaration. 
 But I soon had enough of it ; and at no time have I taken 
 the initiative and persecuted women with my advances as 
 women have persecuted me. Never. Except, of course, 
 in your case. 
 
 grace. Oh, you need not make any exception. I had 
 a good deal of trouble to induce you to come and see us. 
 You were very coy. 
 
 charteris [fondly, taking her hand] With you, dearest, 
 the coyness was sheer coquetry. I loved you from the 
 first, and fled only that you might pursue. But come ! 
 let us talk about something really interesting. [He takes her 
 in his arms]. Do you love me better than anyone else in the 
 world ? 
 
 grace. I dont think you like to be loved too much. 
 
 charteris. That depends on who the person is. You 
 [pressing her to his heart] cannot love me too much : you 
 cannot love me half enough. I reproach you every day 
 for your coldness your [A violent double knock with- 
 out. They start and listen, still in one another's arms, 
 hardly daring to breathe]. Who the deuce is calling at this 
 hour ? 
 
 grace. leant imagine. [They listen guiltily. The door 
 of the fiat is opened without. They hastily get away from one 
 another]. 
 
 a woman's voice outside. Is Mr Charteris here ? 
 
 charteris [springing up] Julia ! The devil ! [He stands 
 at the end of the sofa with his hands on it, bending forward 
 with his eyes fixed on the door]. 
 
 grace [rising also] What can she want ? 
 
 the voice. Never mind : I will announce myself. [A 
 beautiful, dark, tragic looking woman, in mantle and bonnet, 
 appears at the door, raging]. Oh, this is charming. I have 
 interrupted a pretty tete-a-tete. Oh, you villain ! [She 
 comes straight at Grace. Charteris runs across behind the 
 sofa and stops her. She struggles furiously with him. Grace 
 preserves her self possession, but retreats quietly to the piano. 
 
80 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 Julia, finding Charteris too strong for her, gives up her 
 attempt to get at Grace, but strikes him in the face as she frees 
 herself], 
 
 charteris [shocked] Oh, Julia, Julia ! This is too bad. 
 
 julia. Is it, indeed, too bad ? What are you doing up 
 here with that woman ? You scoundrel ! But now listen 
 to me, Leonard : you have driven me to desperation ; and 
 I dont care what I do, or who hears me. I'll not bear it. 
 She shall not have my place with you 
 
 CHARTERIS. Sh-sh ! 
 
 julia. No, no : I dont care : I will expose her true 
 character before everybody. You belong to me : you 
 have no right to be here ; and she knows it. 
 
 charteris. I think you had better let me take you 
 home, Julia. 
 
 julia. I will not. I am not going home : I am going 
 to stay here here until I have made you give her up. 
 
 charteris. My dear : you must be reasonable. You 
 really cannot stay in Mrs Tranfield's house if she objects. 
 She can ring the bell and have us both put out. 
 
 julia. Let her do it then. Let her ring the bell if she 
 dares. Let us see how this pure, virtuous creature will 
 face the scandal of what I will declare about her. Let 
 us see how you will face it. I have nothing to lose. 
 Everybody knows how you have treated me : you have 
 boasted of your conquests, you poor pitiful, vain 
 creature : I am the common talk of your acquaintances 
 and hers. Oh, I have calculated my advantage [she tears 
 off her mantle] : I am a most unhappy and injured woman ; 
 but I am not the fool you take me to be. I am going to 
 stay see ! [S 'he flings the mantle on the round table ; puts 
 her bonnet on it; and sits down\ Now, Mrs Tranfield : 
 theres the bell [pointing to the button beside the fireplace] : 
 why dont you ring? [Grace, looking attentively at Charteris, 
 does not move]. Ha ! ha ! I thought so. 
 
 charteris [quietly, without relaxing his watch on Julia] 
 Mrs Tranfield : I think you had better go into another 
 
Act I The Philanderer 8 1 
 
 room. [Grace makes a movement towards the door, but 
 stops and looks inquiringly at Charteris as Julia springs up 
 to intercept her. He advances a step to guard the way to 
 the door], 
 
 julia. She shall not. She shall stay here. She shall 
 know what you are, and how you have been in love with 
 me how it is not two days since you kissed me and told 
 me that the future would be as happy as the past. [Scream- 
 ing at him] You did : deny it if you dare. 
 
 charteris [to Grace in a low voice] Go. 
 
 grace [with nonchalant disgust, going] Get her away as 
 soon as you can, Leonard. 
 
 [Julia, with a stified cry of rage, rushes at Grace, who is 
 crossing behind the sofa towards the door. Charteris seizes Julia 
 and prevents her from getting past the sofa. Grace goes out. 
 Charteris, holding Julia fast, looks round to the door to see 
 whether Grace is safely out of the room]. 
 
 julia [suddenly ceasing to struggle and speaking with the 
 most pathetic dignity] Oh, there is no need to be violent. 
 [He passes her across to the sofa, and leans against the end of 
 it, panting and mopping his forehead]. That is worthy of 
 you ! to use brute force ! to humiliate me before 
 her ! [She breaks down and bursts into tears]. 
 
 charteris [to himself, with melancholy conviction] This is 
 going to be a cheerful evening. Now patience, patience, 
 patience ! [He sits down on a chair near the round table]. 
 
 julia [in anguish] Leonard : have you no feeling for 
 me ? 
 
 charteris. Only an intense desire to get you safely 
 out of this. 
 
 julia [fiercely] I am not going to stir. 
 
 charteris [wearily] Well, well. [He heaves a long sigh. 
 They sit silent for a while: Julia striving, not to regain her 
 self control, but to maintain her rage at boiling point], 
 
 julia [rising suddenly] I am going to speak to that 
 woman. 
 
 charteris [jumping up] No, no. Hang it, Julia, dont 
 VOL. i g 
 
82 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 let's have another wrestling match. Remember : I'm 
 getting on for forty : youre too young for me. Sit down ; 
 or else let me take you home. Suppose her father comes 
 in! 
 
 julia. I dont care. It rests with you. I am ready to 
 go if she will give you up : until then I stay. Those are 
 my terms : you owe me that. [She sits down determinedly. 
 Charteris looks at her for a moment ; then, making up his 
 mind, goes resolutely to the sofa ; sits down near the end of 
 it, she being at the opposite end ; and speaks with biting em- 
 phasis], 
 
 charteris. I owe you just exactly nothing. 
 
 julia [reproachfully'] Nothing ! You can look me in 
 the face and say that ? O Leonard ! 
 
 charteris. Let me remind you, Julia, that when first 
 we became acquainted, the position you took up was that 
 of a woman of advanced views. 
 
 julia. That should have made you respect me the 
 more. 
 
 charteris [placably] So it did, my dear. But that is 
 not the point. As a woman of advanced views, you were 
 determined to be free. You regarded marriage as a de- 
 grading bargain, by which a woman sells herself to a man 
 for the social status of a wife and the right to be supported 
 and pensioned in old age out of his income. Thats the 
 advanced view our view. Besides, if you had married 
 me, I might have turned out a drunkard, a criminal, an 
 imbecile, a horror to you ; and you couldnt have released 
 yourself. Too big a risk, you see. Thats the rational 
 view our view. Accordingly, you reserved the right 
 to leave me at any time if you found our companion- 
 ship incompatible with what was the expression you 
 used ? with your full development as a human being : 
 I think that was how you put the Ibsenist view 
 our view. So I had to be content with a charming 
 philander, which taught me a great deal, and brought me 
 some hours of exquisite happiness. 
 
Act I The Philanderer 83 
 
 julia. Leonard : you confess then, that you owe me 
 something ? 
 
 charteris [haughtily] No : what I received, I paid. 
 Did you learn nothing from me? was there no delight 
 for you in our friendship ? 
 
 julia [vehemently and movingly ; for she is now sincere] 
 No. You made me pay dearly for every moment of 
 happiness. You revenged yourself on me for the humilia- 
 tion of being the slave of your passion for me. I was never 
 sure of you for a moment. I trembled whenever a letter 
 came from you, lest it should contain some stab for me. 
 I dreaded your visits almost as much as I longed for them. 
 I was your plaything, not your companion. [She rises ; 
 exclaiming] Oh, there was such suffering in my happiness 
 that I hardly knew joy from pain. [She sinks on the piano 
 stool, and adds, as she buries her face in her hands and turns 
 away from him] Better for me if I had never met you ! 
 
 charteris [rising indignantly] You ungenerous wretch ! 
 Is this your gratitude for the way I have just been flattering 
 you ? What have I not endured from you endured with 
 angelic patience ? Did I not find out, before our friend- 
 ship was a fortnight old, that all your advanced views were 
 merely a fashion picked up and followed like any other 
 fashion, without understanding or meaning a word of 
 them ? Did you not, in spite of your care for your own 
 liberty, set up claims on me compared to which the claims 
 of the most jealous wife would have been trifles ? Have I 
 a single woman friend whom you have not abused as old, 
 ugly, vicious 
 
 julia [quickly looking up] So they are. 
 
 charteris. Well, then, I'll come to grievances that 
 even you can understand. I accuse you of habitual and 
 intolerable jealousy and ill temper ; of insulting me on 
 imaginary provocation ; of positively beating me ; of steal- 
 ing letters of mine 
 
 julia [rising] Yes, nice letters ! 
 
 charteris. of breaking your solemn promises not 
 
84 The Philanderer Act 1 
 
 to do it again ; of spending hours aye, days ! piecing 
 together the contents of my waste paper basket in your 
 search for more letters ; and then representing yourself as 
 an ill used saint and martyr wantonly betrayed and de- 
 serted by a selfish monster of a man. 
 
 julia. I was justified in reading your letters. Our 
 perfect confidence in one another gave me the right to 
 do it. 
 
 charteris. Thank you. Then I hasten to break orT a 
 confidence which gives such rights. [He sits down sulkily on 
 the sofa], 
 
 julia [with her right hand on the back of the sofa, bending 
 over him threateningly] You have no right to break it off. 
 
 charteris. I have. You refused to marry me be- 
 cause 
 
 julia. I did not. You never asked me. If we were 
 married, you would never dare treat me as you are doing 
 now. 
 
 charteris [laboriously going back to his argument] It was 
 understood between us as people of advanced views that 
 we were not to marry ; because, as the law stands, I might 
 have become a drunkard, a 
 
 julia. a criminal, an imbecile or a horror. You said 
 that before. [She sits down beside him with a fling], 
 
 charteris [politely] I beg your pardon, my dear. I 
 know I have a habit of repeating myself. The point is 
 that you reserved your freedom to give me up when you 
 pleased. 
 
 julia. Well, what of that ? I do not please to give you 
 up ; and I will not. You have not become a drunkard or 
 a criminal. 
 
 charteris. You dont see the point yet, Julia. You 
 seem to forget that in reserving your freedom to leave me 
 in case I should turn out badly, you also reserved my 
 freedom to leave you in case you should turn out badly. 
 
 julia. Very ingenious. And pray, have / become a 
 drunkard, or a criminal, or an imbecile ? 
 
Act I The Philanderer 85 
 
 charteris. You have become what is infinitely worse 
 than all three together a jealous termagant. 
 
 julia [shaking her head bitterlj\ Yes : abuse me call 
 me names. 
 
 charteris. I now assert the right I reserved : the right 
 of breaking with you when I please. Advanced views, 
 Julia, involve advanced duties : you cannot be an advanced 
 woman when you want to bring a man to your feet, and a 
 conventional woman when you want to hold him there 
 against his will. Advanced people form charming friend- 
 ships : conventional people marry. Marriage suits a good 
 many people ; and its first duty is fidelity. Friendship 
 suits some people ; and its first duty is unhesitating, uncom- 
 plaining acceptance of a notice of a change of feeling 
 from either side. You chose friendship instead of marriage. 
 Now do your duty, and accept your notice. 
 
 julia. Never ! We are engaged in the eye of the 
 eye of 
 
 charteris. Yes, Julia. Cant you get it out ? In the 
 eye of something that advanced women dont believe in, 
 eh? 
 
 julia [throwing herself at his feet] O Leonard, dont be 
 cruel. I'm too miserable to argue to think. I only 
 know I love you. You reproach me with not wanting to 
 marry you. I would have married you at any time after I 
 came to love you, if you had asked me. I will marry you 
 now if you will. 
 
 charteris. I wont, my dear. Thats flat. We're in- 
 tellectually incompatible. 
 
 julia. But why ? We could be so happy. You love 
 me I know you love me I feel it. You say 
 " My dear " to me : you have said it several times 
 this evening. I know I have been wicked, odious, bad : 
 I say nothing in defence of myself. But dont be hard 
 on me. I was distracted by the thought of losing you. 
 I cant face life without you, Leonard. I was happy 
 when I met you : I had never loved anyone ; and if 
 
86 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 you had only let me alone, I could have gone on 
 contentedly by myself. But I cant now. I must have 
 you with me. Dont cast me off without a thought of all 
 I have at stake. I could be a friend to you if you would 
 only let me if you would only tell me your plans give 
 me a share in your work treat me as something more than 
 the amusement of an idle hour. O Leonard, Leonard, 
 youve never given me a chance : indeed you havnt. I'll 
 take pains ; I'll read ; I'll try to think ; I'll conquer 
 my jealousy; I'll \8bi breaks down, rocking her head 
 desperately on his knees and writhing]. Oh, I'm mad : I'm 
 mad : youll kill me if you desert me. 
 
 charteris [petting her] My dear love, dont cry : dont 
 go on in this way. You know I cant help it. 
 
 julia [sobbing as he rises and coaxingly lifts her with him] 
 Oh, you can, you can. One word from you will make us 
 happy for ever. 
 
 charteris [diplomatically] Come, my dear: we really must 
 go. We cant stay until Cuthbertson comes. [He releases 
 her gently and takes her mantle fro?n the table]. Here is 
 your mantle : put it on and be good. You have given 
 me a terrible evening : you must have some consideration 
 for me. 
 
 julia [dangerous again] Then I am to be cast off. 
 
 charteris [coaxingly] You are to put on your bonnet, 
 dearest. [He puts the mantle on her shoulders], 
 
 julia [with a bitter half laugh, half sob] Well, I suppose 
 I must do what I am told. [She goes to the table, and looks 
 for her bonnet. She sees the yellow backed French novel]. Ah, 
 look at that ! [holding it out to him]. Look look at what 
 the creature reads filthy, vile French stuff that no decent 
 woman would touch. And you you have been reading 
 it with her. 
 
 charteris. You recommended that book to me your- 
 self. 
 
 julia. Faugh ! [She dashes it on the floor], 
 
 charteris [running anxiously to the book] Dont damage 
 
Act I The Philanderer 87 
 
 property, Julia. [He picks it up and dusts it]. Making scenes 
 is an affair of sentiment : damaging property is serious. 
 [He replaces it on the table]. And now do pray come along. 
 
 julia [implacably] You can go : there is nothing to pre- 
 vent you. I will not stir. [She sits down stubbornly on the 
 sofa], 
 
 charteris [losing patience] Oh come ! I am not going 
 to begin all this over again. There are limits even to my 
 forbearance. Come on. 
 
 julia. I will not, I tell you. 
 
 charteris. Then good night. [He makes resolutely for 
 the door. With a rush, she gets there before him and bars his 
 way]. I thought you wanted me to go. 
 
 julia [at the door] You shall not leave me here alone. 
 
 charteris. Then come with me. 
 
 julia. Not until you have sworn to me to give up that 
 woman. 
 
 charteris. My dear : I will swear anything if youll only 
 come away and put an end to this. 
 
 julia [perplexed, doubting him] You will swear ? 
 
 charteris. Solemnly. Propose the oath. I have been 
 on the point of swearing for the last half hour. 
 
 julia [despairingly] You are only making fun of me. 
 I want no oaths. I want your promise your sacred word 
 of honor. 
 
 charteris. Certainly anything you demand, on con- 
 dition that you come away immediately. On my sacred 
 word of honor as a gentleman as an Englishman as 
 anything you like I will never see her again, never speak 
 to her, never think of her. Now come. 
 
 julia. But are you in earnest ? Will you keep your 
 word ? 
 
 charteris [smiling subtly] Now you are getting un- 
 reasonable. Do come along without any more nonsense. 
 At any rate, I am going. I am not strong enough to carry 
 you home ; but I am strong enough to make my way 
 through that door in spite of you. You will then have a 
 
88 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 new grievance against me for my brutal violence. [He takes 
 a step towards the door], 
 
 julia [solemnly] If you do, I swear I will throw myself 
 from that window, Leonard, as you pass out. 
 
 charteris [unimpressed] That window is at the back of 
 the building. I shall pass out at the front ; so you will 
 not hurt me. Good night. [He approaches the door\ 
 
 julia. Leonard : have you no pity ? 
 
 charteris. Not the least. When you condescend to 
 these antics you force me to despise you. How can a 
 woman who behaves like a spoiled child and talks like a 
 sentimental novel have the audacity to dream of being a 
 companion for a man of any sort of sense or character ? 
 [She gives an inarticulate cry and throws herself sobbing on his 
 breast]. Come, dont cry, my dear Julia : you dont look 
 half so beautiful as when youre happy ; and it makes me all 
 damp. "Come along. 
 
 julia [affectionately] Til come, dear, if you wish it. 
 Give me one kiss. 
 
 charteris [exasperated] This is too much. No : I'm 
 dashed if I will. Here: let me go, Julia. [She clings to 
 him]. Will you come without another word if I give you a 
 kiss ? 
 
 julia. I will do anything you wish, darling. 
 
 charteris. Well, here. [He takes her in his arms and 
 gives her an unceremonious kiss]. Now remember your 
 promise. Come along. 
 
 julia. That was not a nice kiss, dearest. I want one 
 of our old real kisses. 
 
 charteris [furious] Oh, go to the deuce. [He dis- 
 engages himself impulsively ; and she, as if he had flung her 
 down, falls pathetically with a stifled moan. With an angry 
 look at her, he strides out and slams the door. She raises her- 
 self on one hand, listening to his retreating footsteps. They 
 stop. Her face lights up with eager, triumphant cunning. The 
 steps return hastily. She throws herself down again as before. 
 Charteris reappears, in the utmost dismay, exclaiming] Julia : 
 
Act I The Philanderer 89 
 
 we're done. Cuthbertson's coming upstairs with your 
 father [she sits up quickly]. Do you hear ? the two 
 fathers ! 
 
 julia [sitting on the floor] Impossible. They dont know 
 one another. 
 
 charteris [desperately] I tell you theyre coming up 
 together like brothers. What on earth are we to do ? 
 
 julia [scrambling up with the help of his hand] Quick: the 
 lift : we can go down in that. [She rushes to the table for 
 her bonnet], 
 
 charteris. No : the man's gone home ; and the lift's 
 locked. 
 
 julia [putting on her bonnet at express speed] Let's go up 
 to the next floor. 
 
 charteris. Theres no next floor. We're at the top of 
 the house. No, no : you must invent some thumping lie. 
 I cant think of one : you can, Julia. Exercise all your 
 genius. I'll back you up. 
 
 julia. But 
 
 charteris. Sh-sh ! Here they are. Sit down and look 
 at home. [Julia tears off her bonnet and mantle; throws 
 them on the table ; and darts to the piano, at which she seats 
 herself], 
 
 julia. Come and sing. [She plays the symphony to 
 u When other lips" He stands at the piano, as if about to 
 sing. Two elderly gentlemen enter. Julia stops playing]. 
 
 The elder of the two gentlemen, Colonel Daniel Craven, 
 affects the bluff, simple veteran, and carries it off pleasantly 
 and well, havi?ig a fine upright figure, and being, in fact, 
 a goodnaturedly impulsive, credulous person who, after an 
 entirely thoughtless career as an officer and a gentleman, is now 
 being startled into some sort of self-education by the surprising 
 proceedings of his children. 
 
 His companion, Mr Joseph Cuthbertson, Grace } $ father, has 
 none of the ColoneFs boyishness. He is a man of fervent 
 idealistic sentiment, so frequently outraged by the facts of 
 life, that he has acquired an habitually indignant manner^ 
 
90 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 which unexpectedly becomes enthusiastic or affectionate when he 
 speaks. 
 
 The two men differ greatly in expression. The Colonel } s face 
 is lined with weather, with age, with eating and drinking, and 
 with the cumulative effect of many petty vexations, but not with 
 thought : he is still fresh, still full of expectations of pleasure 
 and novelty, Cuthbertson has the lines of sedentary London 
 brain work, with its chronic fatigue and longing for rest and 
 recreative emotion, and its disillusioned indifference to adventure 
 and enjoyment, except as a means of recuperation. His vigilant, 
 irascible eye, piled up hair, and the honorable seriousness with 
 which he takes himself, give him an air of considerable con- 
 sequence. 
 
 They are both in evening dress. Cuthbertson has not taken 
 off his fur-collared overcoat. 
 
 cuthbertson [with a hospitable show of delight at finding 
 visitors] Dont stop, Miss Craven. Go on, Charteris. 
 [He comes behind the sofa, and hangs his overcoat on it, after 
 taking an opera glass and a theatre program from the pockets, 
 and putting them down on the piano. Craven meanwhile goes 
 to the fireplace and stands on the hearthrug], 
 
 charteris. No, thank you. Miss Craven has just been 
 taking me through an old song ; and Ive had enough of 
 it. [He takes the song off the piano desk and lays it aside ; 
 then closes the lid over the keyboard]. 
 
 julia [passing between the sofa and piano to shake hands 
 with Cuthbertson] Why, youve brought Daddy ! What a 
 surprise ! [Looking across to Craven] So glad youve come, 
 Dad. [She takes a chair near the window, and sits 
 there]. 
 
 cuthbertson. Craven : let me introduce you to Mr 
 Leonard Charteris, the famous Ibsenist philosopher. 
 
 craven. Oh, we know one another already. Charteris 
 is quite at home in our house, Jo. 
 
 cuthbertson. I beg both your pardons. [Charteris sits 
 down on the piano stool]. He's quite at home here too. By 
 the bye, wheres Grace ? 
 
Act I The Philanderer 91 
 
 julia and charteris. Er {They stop and look at one 
 another], 
 
 julia [politely'] I beg your pardon, Mr Charteris : I in- 
 terrupted you. 
 
 charteris. Not at all, Miss Craven. [An awkward 
 pause], 
 
 cuthbertson [to help them out] You were going to tell 
 us about Grace, Charteris. 
 
 charteris. I was only going to say that I didnt know 
 that you and Craven were acquainted. 
 
 craven. Why, / didnt know it until to-night. It's a 
 most extraordinary thing. We met by chance at the 
 theatre ; and he turns out to be my oldest friend. 
 
 cuthbertson [energetically] Yes, Craven ; and do you 
 see how this proves what I was saying to you about the 
 breaking up of family life ? Here are all our young 
 people Grace and Miss Julia and the rest bosom 
 friends, inseparables ; and yet we two, who knew each 
 other before they were born, might never have met again 
 if you hadnt popped into the stall next mine to-night 
 by pure chance. Come : sit down [bustling over to him 
 affectionately and pushing him into the arm chair above the 
 fire] : theres your place, by my fireside, whenever you 
 choose to fill it. [He posts himself at the end of the sofa, 
 leaning against it and admiring Craven], Just imagine your 
 being Dan Craven ! 
 
 craven. Just imagine your being Jo Cuthbertson, 
 though ! Thats a far more extraordinary coincidence, 
 because I'd got it into my head that your name was 
 Tranfield. 
 
 cuthbertson. Oh, thats my daughter's name. She's 
 a widow, you know. How uncommonly well you look, 
 Dan ! The years havnt hurt you much. 
 
 craven [suddenly becoming unnaturally gloomy] I look 
 well. I even feel well. But my days are numbered. 
 
 cuthbertson [alarmed] Oh dont say that, my dear 
 fellow. I hope not. 
 
92 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 julia [with anguish in her voice'] Daddy ! [Cuthbertson 
 looks inquiringly round at her], 
 
 craven. There, there, my dear : I was wrong to talk of 
 it. It's a sad subject. But it's better that Cuthbertson 
 should know. We used to be very close friends, and are 
 so still, I hope. [Cuthbertson goes to Craven and presses his 
 hand silently ; then returns to the sofa and sits down, pulling out 
 his handkerchief and displaying some emotion]. 
 
 charteris [a little impatiently] The fact is, Cuthbertson, 
 Craven's a devout believer in the department of witch- 
 craft called medical science. He's celebrated in all the 
 medical schools as an example of the newest sort of liver 
 complaint. The doctors say he cant last another year ; 
 and he has fully made up his mind not to survive next 
 Easter, just to oblige them. 
 
 craven [with military affectation] It's very kind of you 
 to try to keep up my spirits by making light of it, 
 Charteris. But I shall be ready when my time comes. 
 I'm a soldier. [A sob from Julia], Dont cry, Julia. 
 
 cuthbertson [huskily] I hope you may long be spared, Dan. 
 
 craven. To oblige me, Jo, change the subject. [He 
 gets up and again posts himself on the hearthrug with his back 
 to the fir e\ 
 
 charteris. Try and persuade him to join our club, 
 Cuthbertson. He mopes. 
 
 julia. It's no use. Sylvia and I are always at him to 
 join ; but he wont. 
 
 craven. My child : I have my own club. 
 
 charteris [contemptuously] Yes, the Junior Army and 
 Navy ! Do you call that a club ? Why, they darent let 
 a woman cross the doorstep ! 
 
 craven [a little ruffled] Clubs are a matter of taste, 
 Charteris. You like a cock and hen club : I dont. 
 It's bad enough to have Julia and her sister a girl 
 under twenty ! spending half their time at such a 
 place. Besides, now really, such a name for a club! 
 The Ibsen club ! I should be laughed out of London. 
 
Act I The Philanderer 93 
 
 The Ibsen club ! Come, Cuthbertson : back me up. I'm 
 sure you agree with me. 
 
 charteris. Cuthbertson's a member. 
 
 craven [amazed'] No ! Why, he's been talking to me 
 all the evening about the way in which everything is going 
 to the dogs through advanced ideas in the younger genera- 
 tion. 
 
 charteris. Of course. He's been studying it in the 
 club. He's always there. 
 
 cuthbertson [warmly] Not always. Dont exaggerate, 
 Charteris. You know very well that though I joined the 
 club on Grace's account, thinking that her father's presence 
 there would be a protection and a a sort of sanction, as 
 it were I never approved of it. 
 
 craven [tactlessly harping on Cuthbertson* s inconsistency"] 
 Well, you know, this is unexpected : now it's really very 
 unexpected. I should never have thought it from hearing 
 you talk, Jo. Why, you said the whole modern movement 
 was abhorrent to you because your life had been passed in 
 witnessing scenes of suffering nobly endured and sacrifice 
 willingly rendered by womanly women and manly men 
 and deuce knows what else. Is it at the Ibsen club that 
 you see all this manliness and womanliness ? 
 
 charteris. Certainly not : the rules of the club forbid 
 anything of the sort. Every candidate for membership 
 must be nominated by a man and a woman, who both 
 guarantee that the candidate, if female, is not womanly, 
 and if male, is not manly. 
 
 craven [chuckling cunningly as he stoops to press his heated 
 trousers against his legs, which are chilly] Wont do, Charteris. 
 Cant take me in with so thin a story as that. 
 
 cuthbertson [vehemently] It's true. It's monstrous ; 
 but it's true. 
 
 craven [with rising indignation , as he begins to draw the 
 inevitable inferences] Do you mean to say that somebody 
 had the audacity to guarantee that my Julia is not a 
 womanly woman ? 
 
94 The Philanderer Act i 
 
 charteris [darkly'] It sounds incredible ; but a man 
 was found ready to take that inconceivable lie on his con- 
 science. 
 
 julia {firing up] If he has nothing worse than that on 
 his conscience, he may sleep pretty well. In what way 
 am I more womanly than any of the rest of them, I should 
 like to know ? They are always saying things like that 
 behind my back : I hear of them from Sylvia. Only 
 the other day a member of the committee said I ought 
 never to have been elected that you [to Charteris] had 
 smuggled me in. I should like to see her say it to my 
 face : thats all. 
 
 craven. But, my precious, I most sincerely hope she 
 was right. She paid you the highest compliment. Why, 
 the place must be a den of infamy. 
 
 cuthbertson [emphatically] So it is, Craven : so it is. 
 
 charteris. Exactly. Thats what keeps it so select : 
 nobody but people whose reputations are above suspicion 
 dare belong to it. If we once got a good name, we should 
 become a mere whitewashing shop for all the shady 
 characters in London. Better join us, Craven. Let me 
 put you up. 
 
 craven. What ! Join a club where theres some 
 scoundrel who guaranteed my daughter to be an un- 
 womanly woman ! If I werent an invalid, I'd kick him. 
 
 charteris. Oh dont say that. It was I who did it. 
 
 craven [reproachfully] You ! Now upon my soul, 
 Charteris, this is very vexing. Now how could you bring 
 yourself to do such a thing ? 
 
 charteris. She made me. Why, I had to guarantee 
 Cuthbertson as unmanly ; and he's the leading representa- 
 tive of manly sentiment in London. 
 
 craven. That didnt do Jo any harm ; but it took away 
 my Julia's character. 
 
 julia [outraged] Daddy ! 
 
 charteris. Not at the Ibsen club : quite the contrary. 
 After all, what can we do ? You know what breaks up 
 
Act I The Philanderer 95 
 
 most clubs for men and women. Theres a quarrel a 
 scandal cherchez la femme always a woman at the 
 bottom of it. Well, we knew this when we founded the 
 club ; but we noticed that the woman at the bottom of it 
 was always a womanly woman. The unwomanly women 
 who work for their living and know how to take care of 
 themselves never give any trouble. So we simply said we 
 wouldnt have any womanly women ; and when one gets 
 smuggled in she has to take care not to behave in a 
 womanly way. We get on all right. [He rises]. Come 
 to lunch with me there to-morrow and see the place. 
 
 cuthbertson [rising] No : he's engaged to me. But 
 you can join us. 
 
 charteris. What hour ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Any time after twelve. [To Craven] It's 
 at 90 Cork Street, at the other end of the Burlington 
 Arcade. 
 
 craven [making a note] 90, you say. After twelve. 
 [He suddenly relapses into gloom] By the bye, dont order 
 anything special for me. I'm not allowed wine only 
 Apollinaris. No meat either only a scrap of fish 
 occasionally. I'm to have a short life, but not a merry 
 one. [Signing] Well, well. [Bracing himself up] Now, 
 Julia : it's time for us to be off. [Julia rises], 
 
 cuthbertson. But where on earth is Grace ? I must 
 go and look for her. [He turns to the door], 
 
 julia [stopping him] Oh pray dont disturb her, Mr 
 Cuthbertson. She's so tired. 
 
 cuthbertson. But just for a moment, to say good 
 night. [Julia and Charteris look at one another in dismay. 
 Cuthbertson looks quickly at them, perceiving that something is 
 wrong], 
 
 charteris. We must make a clean breast of it, I 
 see. 
 
 CUTHBERTSON. Of what ? 
 
 charteris. The truth is, Cuthbertson, Mrs Tranfield, 
 who is, as you know, the most thoughtful of women, took 
 
96 The Philanderer Act I 
 
 it into her head that I well, that I particularly wanted 
 to speak to Miss Craven alone. So she said she was tired 
 and wanted to go to bed. 
 
 craven [scandalized] Tut ! tut ! 
 
 cuthbertson. Oho ! is that it ? Then it's all right : 
 she never goes to bed as early as this. I'll fetch her 
 in a moment. [He goes out confidently, leaving Charteris 
 aghast], 
 
 julia. Now youve done it. [She rushes to the round 
 table and snatches up her mantle and bonnet], I'm off. [She 
 makes for the door], 
 
 craven [horrified] What are you doing, Julia ? You 
 cant go until youve said good night to Mrs Tranfield. 
 It'd be horribly rude. 
 
 julia. You can stay if you like, Daddy : I cant. I'll 
 wait for you in the hall. [She hurries out], 
 
 craven [following her] But what on earth am I to say ? 
 [ She disappears. He gives up the chase and turns to Charteris, 
 grumbling]. Now really you know, Charteris, this is devilish 
 awkward : upon my life it is. That was a most indelicate 
 thing of you to say plump out before us all that about 
 you and Julia. 
 
 charteris. I'll explain it all to-morrow. Just at present 
 we'd really better follow Julia's example and bolt. [He 
 starts for the door], 
 
 craven [intercepting him] Stop ! dont leave me like 
 this : I shall look like a fool. Now I shall really take it 
 in bad part if you run away, Charteris. 
 
 charteris [resignedly] All right. I'll stay. [He lifts 
 himself on to the shoulder of the grand piano and sits there swing- 
 ing his legs and contemplating Craven resignedly], 
 
 craven [pacing up and aown] I'm excessively vexed 
 about Julia's conduct: I am indeed. She cant bear to be 
 crossed in the slightest thing, poor child. I'll have to 
 apologize for her, you know : her going away is a down- 
 right slap in the face for these people here. Cuthbertson 
 may be offended already for all I know. 
 
Act I The Philanderer 97 
 
 charteris. Oh, never mind about him. Mrs Tranfield 
 bosses this establishment. 
 
 craven [cunningly] Ah, thats it, is it ? He's just the 
 sort of fellow that would have no control over his 
 daughter. [He goes back to his former place on the hearthrug 
 with his back to the fir e\ By the bye, what the dickens did 
 he mean by all that about passing his life amid what 
 was it ? "scenes of suffering nobly endured and sacrifice 
 willingly rendered by womanly women and manly men M 
 and a lot more of the same sort ? I suppose he's some- 
 thing in a hospital. 
 
 charteris. Hospital ! Nonsense ! he's a dramatic critic. 
 Didnt you hear me say he was the leading representative 
 of manly sentiment in London ? 
 
 craven. You dont say so ! Now really, who'd have 
 thought it ! How jolly it must be to be able to go to the 
 theatre for nothing ! I must ask him to get me a few 
 tickets occasionally. But isnt it ridiculous for a man to 
 talk like that ! I'm hanged if he dont take what he sees 
 on the stage quite seriously. 
 
 charteris. Of course : thats why he's a good critic. 
 Besides, if you take people seriously off the stage, why 
 shouldnt you take them seriously on it, where theyre 
 under some sort of decent restraint ? [Hi jumps down 
 from the piano and goes to the zvindozv. Cuthbertson comes 
 back], 
 
 cuthbertson [to Craven, rather sheepishly"] The fact is, 
 Grace has gone to bed. I must apologize to you and Miss 
 [He turns to Julia's seat, and stops on seeing it vacant]. 
 
 craven [embarrassed] It is I who have to apologize for 
 Julia, Jo. She 
 
 charteris [interrupting] She said she was quite sure 
 that if we didnt go, youd persuade Mrs Tranfield to get 
 up to say good night for the sake of politeness ; so she 
 went straight off. 
 
 cuthbertson. Very kind of her indeed. I'm really 
 ashamed 
 
 VOL. I H 
 
98 The Philanderer Act 1 
 
 craven. Dont mention it, Jo : dont mention it. She's 
 waiting for me below. [Going] Good night. Good night, 
 Charteris. 
 
 charteris. Good night. 
 
 cuthbertson [seeing Craven out] Good night. Say good 
 night and thanks to Miss Craven for me. To-morrow any 
 time after twelve, remember. [They go out ; and Charteris, 
 with a long sigh, crosses to the fireplace, thoroughly tired out], 
 
 craven [outside] All right. 
 
 cuthbertson [outside] Take care of the stairs : theyre 
 rather steep. Good night. [The outside door shuts ; and 
 Cuthbertson returns. Instead of entering, he stands in the 
 doorway with one hand in the breast of his waistcoat, eyeing 
 Charteris sternly], 
 
 charteris. Whats the matter ? 
 
 cuthbertson [sternly] Charteris : whats been going on 
 here ? I insist on knowing. Grace has not gone to 
 bed : I have seen and spoken with her. What is it all 
 about ? 
 
 charteris. Ask your theatrical experience, Cuthbertson. 
 A man, of course. 
 
 cuthbertson [coming forward and confronting him] Dont 
 play the fool with me, Charteris : I'm too old a hand 
 to be amused by it. I ask you, seriously, whats the 
 matter ? 
 
 charteris. I tell you, seriously, I'm the matter. Julia 
 wants to marry me : I want to marry Grace. I came 
 here to-night to sweetheart Grace. Enter Julia. Alarums 
 and excursions. Exit Grace. Enter you and Craven. 
 Subterfuges and excuses. Exeunt Craven and Julia. And 
 here we are. Thats the whole story. Sleep over it. 
 Good night. [He leaves], 
 
 cuthbertson [staring after him] Well Fll be 
 
ACT II 
 
 Next day at noon, in the library of the Ibsen club. A 
 long room, with glass doors half-way down on both sides, leading 
 respectively to the dining room corridor and the main staircase. 
 At the end, in the ?niddle, is the fireplace, surmounted by a hand- 
 some ma?itelpiece, with a bust of Ibsen, and decorative inscrip- 
 tions of the titles of his plays. There are circular recesses at 
 each side of the fireplace, with divan seats running round them, 
 and windows at the top, the space between the divans and the 
 window sills being lined with books. A long settee faces the fire. 
 Along the back of the settee, and touching it, is a green table, 
 littered with journals. Ibsen, looking down the room, has the 
 dining room door on his left, and beyond it, nearly in the middle, 
 a revolving bookcase, with an easy chair close to it. On his 
 right, between the door and the recess, is a light library step- 
 ladder. Placards inscribed "silence " are conspicuously ex- 
 hibited here and there. 
 
 Cuthbertson is seated in the easy chair at the revolving book- 
 stand, reading the Daily Graphic. Dr Par amor e is on the 
 divan in the recess on Ibsen's right, reading the British Medical 
 Journal. He is young as age is counted in the professions 
 barely forty. His hair is wearing bald on his forehead ; and his 
 dark arched eyebrows, coming rather close together, give him a 
 conscientiously sinister appearance. He wears the frock coat and 
 cultivates the " bedside manner " of the fashionable physician 
 with scrupulous conventionality. Not at all a happy or frank 
 
i oo The Philanderer Act II 
 
 man, but not consciously unhappy nor intentionally insincere, and 
 highly self-satisfied intellectually. 
 
 Sylvia Craven is sitting in the middle of the settee before 
 the fire, reading a volume of Ibsen, only the back of her head 
 being visible from the middle of the room. She is a girl of 
 eighteen, small and trim, wearing a smart tailor-made dress, 
 rather short, and a Newmarket jacket, showing a white blouse 
 with a light silk sash and a man's collar and watch chain so 
 arranged as to look as like a man's waistcoat and shirtfront as 
 possible without spoiling the prettiness of the effect. A page 
 boy's voice, monotonously calling for Dr Paramore, is heard 
 approaching outside on the right. 
 
 page [outside] Dr Paramore, Dr Paramore, Dr Paramore 
 [he enters, carrying a salver with a card on it] Dr Par 
 
 paramore [sharply, sitting up] Here, boy. [The boy 
 presents the salver. Paramore takes the card and looks at it]. 
 All right : I'll come down to him. [The boy gees. Para- 
 more rises, and comes from the recess, throwing his paper on the 
 table]. Good morning, Mr Cuthbertson [stopping to pull out 
 his cuffs and shake his coat straight] : Mrs Tranfield quite 
 well, I hope ? 
 
 sylvia [turning her head indignantly] Sh sh sh ! 
 [Paramore turns, surprised. Cuthbertson rises energetically 
 and looks across the bookstand to see who is the author of this 
 i?npertinence\ 
 
 paramore [to Sylvia, stiffly] I beg your pardon, Miss 
 Craven : I did not mean to disturb you. 
 
 sylvia [flustered and self assertive] You may talk as 
 much as you like if you will have the common considera- 
 tion to first ask whether the other people object. What I 
 protest against is your assumption that my presence doesnt 
 matter because I'm only a female member. Thats all. 
 Now go on, pray : you dont disturb me in the least. [She 
 turns to the fire, and again buries herself in Ibsen]. 
 
 cuthbertson [with emphatic dignity] No gentleman 
 would have dreamt of objecting to our exchanging a few 
 
Act II The Philanderer 101 
 
 words, madam. [She takes no notice. He resumes angrily] 
 As a matter of fact I was about to say to Dr Paramore 
 that if he would care to bring his visitor up here, / should 
 not object. The impudence ! [Hi dashes his paper down on 
 the chair], 
 
 paramore. Oh, many thanks ; but it's bnty^n, instru- 
 ment maker. * ** *" 
 
 cuthbertson. Any new medical discoveries, 'dorter ? 
 
 paramore. Well, since you ask me, yes : ! perhaps a 
 most important one. I have discovered something that 
 has hitherto been overlooked a minute duct in the 
 liver of the guinea pig. Miss Craven will forgive my 
 mentioning it when I say that it may throw an important 
 light on her father's case. The first thing, of course, is to 
 find out what the duct is there for. 
 
 cuthbertson {reverently feeling that he is in the presence 
 of Science] Indeed. How will you do that ? 
 
 paramore. Oh, easily enough, by simply cutting the 
 duct and seeing what will happen to the guinea pig. 
 [Sylvia rises, horrified], I shall require a knife specially 
 made to get at it. The man who is waiting for me down- 
 stairs has brought me a few handles to try before fitting it 
 and sending it to the laboratory. I am afraid it would not 
 do to bring such weapons up here. 
 
 sylvia. If you attempt such a thing, Dr Paramore, I will 
 complain to the committee. A majority of the members 
 are anti-vivisectionists. You ought to be ashamed of your- 
 self. [She fiounces out at the staircase door], 
 
 paramore [with patient contempt] Thats the sort of 
 thing we scientific men have to put up with nowadays, 
 Mr Cuthbertson. Ignorance, superstition, sentimentality: 
 they are all one. A guinea pig's convenience is set above 
 the health and lives of the entire human race. 
 
 cuthbertson [vehemently] It's not ignorance or super- 
 stition, Paramore : it's sheer downright Ibsenism : thats 
 what it is. Ive been wanting to sit comfortably at the 
 fire the whole morning ; but Ive never had a chance with 
 
102 The Philanderer Act II 
 
 that girl there. I couldnt go and plump myself down on a 
 seat beside her : goodness knows what she'd think I wanted. 
 Thats one of the delights of having women in the club : 
 when they come in here they all want to sit at the fire and 
 adore that bust. I sometimes feel that I should like to 
 takv*. the pc?ker and fetch it a wipe across the nose ugh ! 
 ' paramore. 1 must say I prefer the elder Miss Craven 
 to hcr^ sister. 
 
 4 cuthbertson [his eyes lighting up] Ah, Julia ! I believe 
 you. A splendid fine creature every inch a woman. 
 No Ibsenism about her ! 
 
 paramore. I quite agree with you there, Mr Cuthbert- 
 son. Er by the way, do you think is Miss Craven 
 attached to Charteris at all ? 
 
 cuthbertson. What, that fellow ! Not he. He hangs 
 about after her ; but he's not man enough for her. A 
 woman of that sort likes a strong, manly, deep throated, 
 broad chested man. 
 
 paramore [anxiously'] Hm ! a sort of sporting character, 
 you think ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Oh, no, no. A scientific man, perhaps, 
 like yourself. But you know what I mean a MAN. 
 [He strikes himself a sounding blow on the chest], 
 
 paramore. Of course ; but Charteris is a man. 
 
 cuthbertson. Pah ! you dont see what I mean. [The 
 page boy returns with his salver], 
 
 page boy [calling monotonously as before] Mr Cuthbertson, 
 Mr Cuthbertson, Mr Cuth 
 
 cuthbertson. Here, boy. [He takes a card from the 
 salver]. Bring the gentleman up here. [The boy goes out]. 
 It's Craven. He's coming to lunch with me and Charteris. 
 You might join us if youve nothing better to do, when 
 youve finished with the instrument man. If Julia turns 
 up I'll ask her too. 
 
 paramore [flushing with pleasure] I shall be very happy. 
 Thank you. [He is going out at the staircase door when 
 Craven enters]. Good morning, Colonel Craven. 
 
Act II The Philanderer 103 
 
 craven [at the doof\ Good morning : glad to see you. 
 I'm looking for Cuthbertson. 
 
 paramore [smiling] There he is. [He goes out], 
 
 cuthbertson [greeti?ig Craven effusively] Delighted to 
 see you. Now will you come to the smoking room ; or 
 will you sit down here and have a chat while we're waiting 
 for Charteris ? If you like company, the smoking room's 
 always full of women. Here we shall have it pretty well 
 all to ourselves until about three o'clock. 
 
 craven. 1 dont like to see women smoking. I'll 
 make myself comfortable here. [He sits in an easy chair on 
 the staircase side], 
 
 cuthbertson [taking a chair beside him, on his left] 
 Neither do I. Theres not a room in this club where I 
 can enjoy a pipe quietly without a woman coming in and 
 beginning to roll a cigaret. It's a disgusting habit in a 
 woman : it's not natural to her sex. 
 
 craven [sighing] Ah, Jo, times have changed since We 
 both courted Molly Ebden all those years ago. I took my 
 defeat well, old chap, didnt I ? 
 
 cuthbertson [with earnest approval] You did, Dan. 
 The thought of it has often helped me to behave well my- 
 self : it has, on my honor. 
 
 craven. Yes : you always believed in hearth and home, 
 Jo in a true English wife and a happy wholesome fireside. 
 How did Molly turn out ? 
 
 cuthbertson [trying to be fair to Molly] Well, not bad. 
 She might have been worse. You see, I couldnt stand her 
 relations : all the men were roaring cads ; and she couldnt 
 get on with my mother. And then she hated being in 
 town ; and of course I couldnt live in the country on 
 account of my work. But we hit it off as well as most 
 people, until we separated. 
 
 craven [taken aback] Separated ! [He is irresistibly 
 amused]. Oh ! that was the end of the hearth and home, 
 Jo, was it ? 
 
 cuthbertson [warmly] It was not my fault, Dan. 
 
104 The Philanderer Act IJ 
 
 [Sentimentally] Some day the world will know how I loved 
 that woman. But she was incapable of valuing a true 
 man's affection. Do you know, she often said she wished 
 she'd married you instead. 
 
 craven [sobered by the suggestion] Dear me, dear me ! 
 Well, perhaps it was better as it was. You heard about 
 my marriage, I suppose. 
 
 cuthbertson. Oh yes : we all heard of it. 
 
 craven. Well, Jo, I may as well make a clean breast of 
 it everybody knew it. / married for money. 
 
 cuthbertson [encouragingly] And why not, Dan, why 
 not ? We cant get on without it, you know. 
 
 craven [with sincere feeling] I got to be very fond of 
 her, Jo. I had a home until she died. Now everything's 
 changed. Julia's always here. Sylvia's of a different 
 nature ; but she's always here too. 
 
 cuthbertson [sympathetically] I know. It's the same 
 with Grace. She's always here. 
 
 craven. And now they want me to be always here. 
 Theyre at me every day to join the club to stop my 
 grumbling, I suppose. Thats what I want to consult you 
 about. Do you think I ought to join ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Well, if you have no conscientious 
 objection 
 
 craven [testily interrupting him] I object to the existence 
 of the place on principle; but whats the use of that? 
 Here it is in spite of my objection ; and I may as well 
 have the benefit of any good that may be in it. 
 
 cuthbertson [soothing him] Of course : thats the only 
 reasonable view of the matter. Well, the fact is, it's not 
 so inconvenient as you might think. When youre at 
 home, you have the house more to yourself; and when 
 you want to have your family about you, you can dine 
 with them at the club. 
 
 craven [not much attracted by this] True. 
 
 cuthbertson. Besides, if you dont want to dine with 
 them, you neednt. 
 
Act II The Philanderer 105 
 
 craven [convinced] True, very true. But dont they 
 carry on here, rather ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Oh no, they dont exactly carry on. Of 
 course the usual tone of the club is low, because the women 
 smoke and earn their own living and all that ; but still 
 theres nothing actually to complain of. And it's con- 
 venient, certainly. [Charteris comes in, looking round for them\ 
 
 craven [rising] Do you know, Ive a great mind to join, 
 just to see what it's like. 
 
 charteris [coming betzveen them] Do so by all means. 
 I hope I havnt disturbed your chat by coming too soon. 
 
 craven. Not at all. Welcome, dear boy. [He shakes 
 his hand], 
 
 charteris. Thats right. I'm earlier than I intended. 
 The fact is, I have something rather pressing to say to 
 Cuthbertson. 
 
 craven. Private ? 
 
 charteris. Not particularly. [To Cuthbertson] Only 
 what we were speaking of last night. 
 
 cuthbertson. Well, Charteris, I think that is private, 
 or ought to be. 
 
 craven [retiring discreetly towards the table] I'll just take 
 a look at the Times 
 
 charteris [stopping him] Oh, it's no secret : everybody 
 in the club guesses it. [To Cuthbertson] Has Grace never 
 mentioned to you that she wants to marry me ? 
 
 cuthbertson [indignantly] She has mentioned that you 
 want to marry her. 
 
 charteris. Ah ; but then it's not what I want, but 
 what Grace wants, that will weigh with you. 
 
 craven [a little shocked] Excuse me, Charteris : this is 
 private. I'll leave you to yourselves [again moving towards 
 the table], 
 
 charteris. Wait a bit, Craven : youre concerned in 
 this. Julia wants to marry me too. 
 
 craven [in a tone of the strongest remonstrance] Now 
 really ! Now upon my life and soul ! 
 

 io6 The Philanderer Act II 
 
 charteris. It's a fact, I assure you. Didnt it strike 
 you as rather odd, our being up there last night and Mrs 
 Tranfield not with us ? 
 
 craven. Well, yes it did. But you explained it. And 
 now really, Charteris, I must say your explanation was in 
 shocking bad taste before Julia. 
 
 charteris. Never mind. It was a good, fat, healthy, 
 bouncing lie. 
 
 CRAVEN AND CUTHBERTSON. Lie ! 
 
 charteris. Didnt you suspect that ? 
 
 craven. Certainly not. Did you, Jo ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Not at the moment. 
 
 craven. Whats more, I dont believe you. I'm sorry 
 to have to say such a thing ; but you forget that Julia was 
 present and didnt contradict you. 
 
 charteris. She didnt want to. 
 
 craven. Do you mean to say that my daughter deceived 
 me ? 
 
 charteris. Delicacy towards me compelled her to, 
 Craven. 
 
 craven [taking a very serious tone] Now look here, 
 Charteris : have you any proper sense of the fact that 
 youre standing between two fathers ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Quite right, Dan, quite right. I repeat 
 the question on my own account. 
 
 charteris. Well, I'm a little dazed still by standing for so 
 long between two daughters ; but I think I grasp the situa- 
 tion. [Cuthbertson flings away with an exclamation of disgust]. 
 
 craven. Then I'm sorry for your manners, Charteris : 
 thats all. [He turns away sulkily ; then suddenly fires up 
 and turns on Charteris], How dare you tell me my 
 daughter wants to marry you ! Who are you, pray, that 
 she should have any such ambition ? 
 
 charteris. Just so : she couldnt have made a worse 
 choice. But she wont listen to reason. Ive talked to 
 her like a father myself I assure you, my dear Craven, 
 Ive said everything that you could have said ; but it's no 
 
Act II The Philanderer 1 07 
 
 use : she wont give me up. And if she wont listen to 
 me, what likelihood is there of her listening to you ? 
 
 craven [in angry bewilderment] Cuthbertson : did you 
 ever hear anything like this ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Never ! Never ! 
 
 charteris. Oh, bother ! Come : dont behave like a 
 couple of conventional old fathers : this is a serious affair. 
 Look at these letters [producing a letter and a letter-card]. 
 This [skewing the card] is from Grace by the way, Cuth- 
 bertson, I wish youd ask her not to write on letter-cards : 
 the blue color makes it so easy for Julia to pick the bits 
 out of my waste paper basket and piece them together. 
 Now listen. " My dear Leonard : Nothing could make 
 it worth my while to be exposed to such scenes as last 
 night's. You had much better go back to Julia and for- 
 get me. Yours sincerely, Grace Tranfield. ,, 
 
 cuthbertson [infuriated] Damnation ! 
 
 charteris [turning to Craven and preparing to read the 
 letter] Now for Julia. [The Colonel turns away to hide his 
 face from Charteris, anticipating a shock, and puts his hand on 
 a chair to steady himself]. " My dearest boy : Nothing will 
 make me believe that this odious woman can take my place 
 in your heart. I send some of the letters you wrote me 
 when we first met ; and I ask you to read them. They 
 will recall what you felt when you wrote them. You 
 cannot have changed so much as to be indifferent to me : 
 whoever may have struck your fancy for the moment, 
 your heart is still mine " and so on : you know the sort 
 of thing "Ever and always your loving Julia." [The 
 Colonel sinks on the chair and covers his face with his hand]. 
 You dont suppose she's serious, do you ? thats the sort of 
 thing she writes me three times a day. [To Cuthbertson] 
 Grace is in earnest though, confound it. [He holds out 
 Grace's letter], A blue card as usual ! This time I shall 
 not trust the waste paper basket. [He goes to the fire, and 
 throws the letter: into it], 
 
 cuthbertson [facing him with folded arms as he comes 
 
108 The Philanderer Act II 
 
 back to them] May I ask, Mr Charteris, is this the New 
 Humor ? 
 
 charteris \stUl too preoccupied with his ozvn affairs to 
 have any sense of the effect he is producing on the others} Oh, 
 stuff ! Do you suppose it's a joke to be situated as I am ? 
 Youve got your head so stuffed with the New Humor and 
 the New Woman and the New This, That and the Other, 
 all mixed up with your own old Adam, that youve lost 
 your senses. 
 
 cuthbertson [strenuously] Do you see that old man, 
 grown grey in the honored service of his country, whose 
 last days you have blighted ? 
 
 charteris [surprised, looking at Craven and realizing his 
 distress with genuine concern] I'm very sorry. Come, Craven : 
 dont take it to heart. [Craven shakes his head], I assure 
 you it means nothing : it happens to me constantly. 
 
 cuthbertson. There is only one excuse for you. You 
 are not fully responsible for your actions. Like all ad- 
 vanced people, you have got neurasthenia. 
 
 charteris [appalled] Great Heavens ! whats that ? 
 
 cuthbertson. I decline to explain. You know as well 
 as I do. I'm going downstairs now to order lunch. I shall 
 order it for three ; but the third place is for Paramore, 
 whom I have invited, not for you. [He goes out through 
 the dining room door], 
 
 charteris [putting his hand on Craven *s shoulder] Come, 
 Craven : advise me. Youve been in this sort of fix your- 
 self probably. 
 
 craven. Charteris : no woman writes such a letter to a 
 man unless he has made advances to her. 
 
 charteris [mournfully] How little you know the world, 
 Colonel ! The New Woman is not like that. 
 
 craven. I can only give you very old fashioned advice, 
 my boy ; and that is that it's well to be off with the Old 
 Woman before youre on with the New. I'm sorry you 
 told me. You might have waited for my death : it's not 
 far off now. [His head droops again, Julia and Paramore 
 
Act II The Philanderer 109 
 
 come in from the staircase. Julia stops as she catches sight of 
 Charter is, her face clouding and her breast heaving. Paramore, 
 seeing the Colonel apparently ill, hurries down to him with the 
 bedside manner in full play], 
 
 charteris [seeing Julia] Oh Lord ! [He retreats under 
 the lee of the revolving bookstand]. 
 
 paramore [sympathetically, to the Colonel, taking his wrist, 
 and beginning to count his pulse] Allow me. 
 
 craven [looking up] Eh ? [He withdraws his hand and rises 
 rather crossly]. No, Paramore : it's not my liver now : it's 
 private business. [A chase begins between Julia and Charteris, 
 all the more exciting to them because the huntress and her prey 
 must alike conceal the real object of their movements from the 
 others. Charteris first makes for the staircase door. Julia 
 immediately retreats to it, barring his path. He doubles back 
 round the bookstand, setting it whirling as he makes for the 
 other door, Julia crossing in pursuit of him. He is about to 
 escape when he is cut off by the return of Cuthbertson. Turn- 
 ing back, he sees Julia close upon him. There being nothing 
 else for it, he bolts into the recess on Ibsen 1 s left]. 
 
 cuthbertson. Good morning, Miss Craven. [They 
 shake hands]. Wont you join us at lunch ? Paramore's 
 coming too. 
 
 julia. Thanks : I shall be very pleased. [She strolls 
 with affected purposelessness towards the recess. Charteris, 
 almost trapped in it, crosses to the opposite recess by way of 
 the fender, knocking down thefireirons with a crash as he does so]. 
 
 craven [who has crossed to the whirling bookcase and stopped 
 it] What the dickens are you doing there, Charteris ? 
 
 charteris. Nothing. It's such a confounded room to 
 get about in. 
 
 julia [maliciously] Yes : isnt it ? [She is about to move 
 to guard the staircase door when Cuthbertson offers her his arm]. 
 
 cuthbertson. May I take you down ? 
 
 julia. No, really : you know it's against the rules of 
 the club to coddle women in any way. Whoever is 
 nearest the door goes first. 
 
1 1 o The Philanderer Act II 
 
 cuthbertson. Oh well, if you insist. Come, gentle- 
 men : let us go to lunch in the Ibsen fashion the un- 
 sexed fashion. [He turns and goes out, followed by Paramore, 
 who raises his politest consulting-room laugh. Craven goes last]. 
 
 craven [at the door, gravely] Come, Julia. 
 
 julia [with patronizing affection] Yes, Daddy dear, 
 presently. Dont wait for me : I'll come in a moment. 
 [The Colonel hesitates]. It's all right, Daddy. 
 
 craven [very gravely] Dont be long, my dear. [He goes 
 out]. 
 
 charteris. I'm off. [Hi makes a dash for the door], 
 
 julia [darting at him and seixmg his wrist] Arnt you 
 coming ? 
 
 charteris. No. Unhand me, Julia. [He tries to get 
 away ; she holds him]. If you dont let me go, I'll scream 
 for help. 
 
 julia [reproachfully] Leonard ! [He breaks away from 
 her]. Oh, how can you be so rough with me, dear ! Did 
 you get my letter ? 
 
 charteris. Burnt it [she turns away, struck to the heart, 
 and buries her face in her hands] along with hers. 
 
 julia [quickly turning again] Hers ! Has she written to 
 you ? 
 
 charteris. Yes to break off with me on your 
 account ! 
 
 julia [her eyes gleaming] Ah ! 
 
 charter^. You are pleased. Wretch ! Now you 
 have lost the last scrap of my regard. [He turns to go, but is 
 stopped by the return of Sylvia. Julia turns away and stands 
 pretending to read a paper which she picks up from the table]. 
 
 sylvia [offhandedly] Hallo, Charteris : how are you 
 
 getting on ? [She takes his arm familiarly and walks down 
 
 i the room with him]. Have you seen Grace Tranfield this 
 
 morning ? [Julia drops the paper and comes a step nearer to 
 
 listen]. You generally know where she's to be found. 
 
 charteris. I shall never know any more, Sylvia. She's 
 quarrelled with me. 
 
Act II The Philanderer 1 1 1 
 
 sylvia. Sylvia ! How often am I to tell you that I am 
 not Sylvia at the club ? 
 
 charteris. I forgot. I b^g your pardon, Craven, old 
 chap [slapping her on the shoulder']. 
 
 sylvia. Thats better. A little overdone, but better. 
 
 julia. Dont be a fool, Silly. 
 
 sylvia. Remember, Julia, if you please, that here we 
 are members of the club, not sisters. I dont take liberties 
 with you here on family grounds : dont you take any with 
 me. [She goes to the settee and resumes her former place], 
 
 charteris. Quite right, Craven. Down with the 
 tyranny of the elder sister ! 
 
 julia. You ought to know better than to encourage a 
 child to make herself ridiculous, Leonard, even at my 
 expense. 
 
 charteris [seating himself on the edge of the table] Your 
 lunch will be cold, Julia. [Julia is about to retort furiously 
 when she is checked by the reappearance of Cuthbertson at the 
 dining room door], 
 
 cuthbertson. What has become of you, Miss Craven ? 
 Your father is getting quite uneasy. We're all waiting for 
 you. 
 
 julia. So I have just been reminded, thank you. [She 
 goes out angrily past him, Sylvia looking round to see], 
 
 cuthbertson [looking first after her, then at Charteris] 
 More neurasthenia ! [He follows her\ 
 
 sylvia [jumping up on her knees on the settee and speaking 
 over the back of it] Whats up, Charteris ? Julia been 
 making love to you ? 
 
 charteris [speaking to her over his shoulder] No. Jealous 
 of Grace. 
 
 sylvia. Serve you right. You are an awful devil for 
 philandering. 
 
 charteris [calmly] Do you consider it good club form 
 to talk that way to a man who might nearly be your 
 father ? 
 
 sylvia [knowingly] Oh, I know you, my lad. 
 
ii2 The Philanderer Act IT 
 
 charteris. Then you know that I never pay any special 
 attention to any woman. 
 
 sylvia [thoughtfully'] Do you know, Leonard, I really 
 believe you. I dont think you care a bit more for one 
 woman than for another. 
 
 charteris. You mean I dont care a bit less for one 
 woman than another. 
 
 sylvia. That makes it worse. But what I mean is 
 that you never bother about their being only women : 
 you talk to them just as you do to me or any other fellow. 
 Thats the secret of your success. You cant think how sick 
 they get of being treated with the respect due to their sex. 
 
 charteris. Ah, if Julia only had your wisdom, Craven ! 
 [He gets off the table with a sigh and perches himself reflec- 
 tively on the step I adder], 
 
 sylvia. She cant take things easy, can she, old man ? 
 But dont you be afraid of breaking her heart : she gets 
 over her little tragedies. We found that out at home when 
 our great sorrow came. 
 
 charteris. What was that ? 
 
 sylvia. I mean when we learned that poor papa had 
 Paramore's disease. 
 
 charteris. Paramore's disease ! Why, whats the 
 matter with Paramore ? 
 
 sylvia. Oh, not a disease that he suffers from, but one 
 that he discovered. 
 
 charteris. The liver business ? 
 
 sylvia. Yes : thats what made Paramore's reputation, 
 you know. Papa used to get bad occasionally ; but we 
 always thought that it was partly his Indian service, and 
 partly his eating and drinking too much. He used to wolf 
 down a lot in those days, did Dad. The doctor never 
 knew what was wrong with him until Paramore discovered 
 a dreadful little microbe in his liver. There are forty 
 millions of them to every square inch of liver. Paramore 
 discovered them first ; and now he declares that everybody 
 should be inoculated against them as well as vaccinated. 
 
Act II The Philanderer 1 1 3 
 
 But it was too late to inoculate poor papa. All they could 
 do was to prolong his life for two years more by putting 
 him on a strict diet. Poor old boy ! ^they cut off his 
 liquor ; and he's not allowed to eat meat. 
 
 charteris. Your father appears to me to be uncommonly 
 well. 
 
 sylvia. Yes, you would think he was a great deal better. 
 But the microbes are at work, slowly but surely. In 
 another year it will be all over. Poor old Dad ! it's un- 
 feeling to talk about him in this attitude : I must sit down 
 properly. [She comes down from the settee and takes the chair 
 near the bookstand], I should like papa to live for ever 
 just to take the conceit out of Paramore. I believe he's 
 in love with Julia. 
 
 charteris [starting up excitedly] In love with Julia ! 
 A ray of hope on the horizon ! Do you really mean it ? 
 
 sylvia. I should think I do. Why do you suppose he's 
 hanging about the club to-day in a beautiful new coat and 
 tie instead of attending to his patients ? That lunch with 
 Julia will finish him. He'll ask Daddy's consent before 
 they come back I'll bet you three to one he will, in 
 anything you please. 
 
 CHARTERIS. Gloves ? 
 
 sylvia. No : cigarets. 
 
 charteris. Done ! But what does she think about it ? 
 Does she give him any encouragement ? 
 
 sylvia. Oh, the usual thing. Enough to keep any 
 other woman from getting him. 
 
 charteris. Just so. I understand. Now listen to me : 
 I am going to speak as a philosopher. Julia is jealous of 
 everybody everybody. If she saw you flirting with 
 Paramore she'd begin to value him directly. You might 
 play up a little, Craven, for my sake eh ? 
 
 sylvia [rising] Youre too awful, Leonard. For shame ! 
 However, anything to oblige a fellow Ibsenite. I'll bear 
 your affair in mind. But I think it would be more effec- 
 tive if you got Grace to do it. 
 
 vol. 1 1 
 
H4 The Philanderer Act II 
 
 charteris. Think so ? Hm ! perhaps youre right. 
 
 page boy [outside as before] Dr Paramore, Dr Paramore, 
 Dr Paramore 
 
 sylvia. They ought to get that boy's voice properly 
 cultivated : it's a disgrace to the club. [She goes into the 
 recess on Ibsen's left. The page enters carrying the British 
 Medical Journal\ 
 
 charteris [calling to the page] Dr Paramore is in the 
 dining room. 
 
 page boy. Thank you, sir. [He is about to go into the 
 dining room when Sylvia swoops on him]. 
 
 sylvia. Here : where are you taking that paper ? It 
 belongs to this room. 
 
 page boy. It's Dr Paramore's particular orders, miss. 
 The British Medical Journal has always to be brought to 
 him dreckly it comes. 
 
 sylvia. What cheek ! Charteris : oughtnt we to stop 
 this on principle ? 
 
 charteris. Certainly not. Principle's the poorest 
 reason I know for making yourself nasty. 
 
 sylvia. Bosh ! Ibsen ! 
 
 charteris [to the page] Off with you, my boy : Dr Para- 
 more's waiting breathless with expectation. 
 
 page boy [seriously] Indeed, sir ? [He hurries off], 
 
 charteris. That boy will make his way in this country. 
 He has no sense of humor. [Grace comes in. Her dress, 
 very convenient and businesslike, is made to please herself and 
 serve her own purposes without the slightest regard to 
 fashion, though by no means without a careful concern for 
 her personal elegance. She enters briskly, like an habitually 
 busy woman], 
 
 sylvia [running to her] Here you are at last, Tranfield, old 
 girl. Ive been waiting for you this last hour. I'm starving. 
 
 grace. All right, dear. [To Charteris] Did you get 
 my letter ? 
 
 charteris. Yes. I wish you wouldnt write on those 
 confounded blue letter cards. 
 
Act II The Philanderer 1 1 5 
 
 sylvia [to Grace] Shall I go down first and secure a table ? 
 
 charteris [taking the reply out of Grace's mouth] Do, 
 old boy. 
 
 sylvia. Dont be too long. [She goes into the dining 
 room], 
 
 grace. Well ? 
 
 charteris. I'm afraid to face you after last night. Can 
 you imagine a more horrible scene ? Dont you hate the 
 very sight of me after it ? 
 
 grace. Oh no. 
 
 charteris. Then you ought to. Ugh ! it was hideous 
 an insult an outrage. A nice end to all my plans 
 for making you happy for making you an exception to 
 all the women who swear I have made them miserable ! 
 
 grace [sitting down placidly] I am not at all miserable. 
 I'm sorry ; but I shant break my heart. 
 
 charteris. No : yours is a thoroughbred heart : you 
 dont scream and cry every time it's pinched. Thats why 
 you are the only possible woman for me. 
 
 grace [shaking her head] Not now. Never any more. 
 
 charteris. Never ! What do you mean ? 
 
 grace. What I say, Leonard. 
 
 charteris. Jilted again ! The fickleness of the women 
 I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the 
 women who love me. Well, well ! I see how it is, Grace : 
 you cant forget that horrible scene last night. Imagine 
 her saying I had kissed her within the last two days ! 
 
 grace [rising eagerly] Was that not true ? 
 
 charteris. True ! No : a thumping lie. 
 
 grace. Oh, I'm so glad. That was the only thing that 
 really hurt me. 
 
 charteris. Just why she said it. How adorable of you 
 to care ! My darling. [He seizes her hands and presses 
 them to his breast], 
 
 grace. Remember ! it's all broken off. 
 
 charteris. Ah yes : you have my heart in your hands. 
 Break it. Throw my happiness out of the window. 
 
1 1 6 The Philanderer Act II 
 
 grace. Oh Leonard, does your happiness really depend 
 on me ? 
 
 charteris [tenderly] Absolutely. [She beams with delight. 
 A sudden revulsion comes to him at the sight : he recoils , 
 dropping her hands and crying] Ah no : why should I lie to 
 you ? [He folds his arms and adds firmly] My happiness 
 depends on nobody but myself. I can do without you. 
 
 grace [nerving herself] So you shall. Thank you for 
 the truth. Now I will tell you the truth. 
 
 charteris [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. 
 Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other 
 people the truth ; but it's not their business to tell it to 
 me. I dont like it : it hurts. 
 
 grace [quietly] It's only that I love you. 
 
 charteris. Ah ! thats not a philosophic truth. You may 
 tell me that as often as you like. [He takes her in his arms], 
 
 grace. Yes, Leonard ; but I'm an advanced woman. 
 [He checks himself and looks at her in some consternation], I'm 
 what my father calls the New Woman. [He lets her go 
 and stares at her], I quite agree with all your ideas. 
 
 charteris [scandalized] Thats a nice thing for a 
 respectable woman to say ! You ought to be ashamed of 
 yourself. 
 
 grace. I am quite in earnest about them too, though 
 you are not ; and I will never marry a man I love too 
 much. It would give him a terrible advantage over me : 
 I should be utterly in his power. Thats what the New 
 Woman is like. Isnt she right, Mr Philosopher ? 
 
 charteris. The struggle between the Philosopher and 
 the Man is fearful, Grace. But the Philosopher says you 
 are right. 
 
 grace. I know I am right. And so we must part. 
 
 charteris. Not at all. You must marry some one else ; 
 and then I'll come and philander with you. [Sylvia comes 
 back], 
 
 sylvia [holding the door open] Oh, I say : come along. 
 I'm starving. 
 
Act II The Philanderer 117 
 
 charteris. So am I. I'll lunch with you if I may. 
 
 sylvia. I thought you would. Ive ordered soup for 
 three. [Grace passes out. Sylvia co?itinues, to Charteris] 
 You can watch Paramore from our table : he's pretending 
 to read the British Medical Journal ; but he must be 
 making up his mind for the plunge : he looks green with 
 nervousness. [She goes out]. 
 
 charteris. Good luck to him ! [He follows her]. 
 
ACT III 
 
 Still the library. Ten minutes later. Julia, angry and 
 miserable, comes in from the dining room, followed by Craven. 
 She crosses the room tormentedly, and throws herself into a 
 chair. 
 
 craven [impatiently] What i s the matter ? Has every- 
 one gone mad to-day ? What do you mean by suddenly 
 getting up from the table and tearing away like that ? 
 What does Paramore mean by reading his paper and not 
 answering when he's spoken to ? [Julia writhes im- 
 patiently']. Come, come [tenderly] : wont my pet tell her 
 own father what [irritably] what the devil is wrong 
 with everybody. Do pull yourself straight, Julia, before 
 Cuthbertson comes. He's only paying the bill : he'll be 
 here in a moment. 
 
 julia. I couldnt bear it any longer. Oh, to see them 
 sitting there at lunch together, laughing, chatting, mak- 
 ing game of me ! I should have screamed out in 
 another moment t should have taken a knife and killed 
 her I should have [Cuthbertson appears with the 
 luncheon bill in his hand. He stuffs it into his waistcoat 
 pocket as he comes to them. He begins speaking the moment he 
 enters], 
 
 cuthbertson. I'm afraid youve had a very poor lunch, 
 Dan. It's disheartening to see you picking at a few beans 
 and drinking soda water. I wonder how you live ! 
 
Act ill The Philanderer 119 
 
 julia. Thats all he ever takes, Mr Cuthbertson, I 
 assure you. He hates to be bothered about it. 
 
 craven. Wheres Paramore ? 
 
 cuthbertson. Reading his paper. I asked him wasnt 
 he coming ; but he didnt hear me. It's amazing how any- 
 thing scientific absorbs him. Clever man ! Monstrously 
 clever man ! 
 
 craven [pettishly'] Oh yes, thats all very well, Jo ; but 
 it's not good manners at table : he should shut up the shop 
 sometimes. Heaven knows I am only too anxious to 
 forget his science, since it has pronounced my doom. [He 
 sits down with a melancholy air\ 
 
 cuthbertson [compassionately] You musnt think about 
 that, Craven : perhaps he was mistaken. [He sighs deeply 
 and sits dozvn\ But he certainly is a very clever fellow. 
 He thinks twice before he commits himself. [They sit in 
 silence, full of the gloomiest thoughts, Suddenly Paramore 
 enters, pale and in the utmost disorder, with the British 
 Medical Journal in his clenched hand. They rise in alarm. 
 He tries to speak, but chokes, clutches at his throat, and staggers. 
 Cuthbertson quickly takes his chair and places it behind Para- 
 more, who sinks into it as they crowd about him, Craven at his 
 right shoulder, Cuthbertson on his left, and Julia behind Craven]. 
 
 craven. Whats the matter, Paramore ? 
 
 julia. Are you ill ? 
 
 cuthbertson. No bad news, I hope ? 
 
 paramore [despairingly] The worst of news ! Terrible 
 news ! Fatal news ! My disease 
 
 craven [quickly] Do you mean my disease? 
 
 paramore [fiercely] I mean my disease Paramore's 
 disease the disease I discovered the work of my 
 life ! Look here [he points to the B. M. J. with a ghastly 
 expression of horror]. If this is true, it was all a mistake : 
 there is no such disease [Cuthbertson and Julia look at 
 one another, hardly daring to believe the good news], 
 
 craven [in strong re?nonstrance] And you call this bad 
 news ! Now really, Paramore 
 
120 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 paramore [cutting him short hoarsely] It's natural for you 
 to think only of yourself. I dont blame you : all invalids 
 are selfish. Only a scientific man can feel what I feel 
 now. [Writhing under a sense of intolerable injustice] It's 
 the fault of the wickedly sentimental laws of this country. 
 I was not able to make experiments enough only three 
 dogs and a monkey. Think of that, with all Europe full 
 of my professional rivals men burning to prove me 
 wrong ! There is freedom in France : enlightened 
 republican France ! One Frenchman experiments on two 
 hundred monkeys to disprove my theory. Another sacri- 
 fices 36 three hundred dogs at three francs apiece 
 to upset the monkey experiments. A third proves them 
 both wrong by a single experiment in which he gets 
 the temperature of a camel's liver sixty degrees below 
 zero. And now comes this cursed Italian who has ruined 
 me. He has a government grant to buy animals 
 with, besides having the run of the largest hospital in 
 Italy. [With desperate resolution] But I wont be beaten 
 by any Italian. I'll go to Italy myself. I'll rediscover 
 my disease : I know it exists ; I feel it ; and I'll prove it 
 if I have to experiment on every mortal animal thats 
 got a liver at all. [He folds his arms and breathes hard at 
 them]. 
 
 craven [his sense of injury growing on him] Am I to 
 understand, Paramore, that you took it on yourself to pass 
 sentence of death yes, of Death on me, on the strength 
 of three dogs and an infernal monkey ? 
 
 paramore [utterly contemptuous of Craven's narrow 
 personal view of the matter] Yes. That was all I could get 
 a license for. 
 
 craven. Now upon my soul, Paramore, I'm vexed at 
 this. I dont wish to be unfriendly ; but I'm extremely 
 vexed, really. Why, confound it, do you realize what 
 youve done ? Youve cut off my meat and drink for a 
 year made me an object of public scorn a miserable 
 vegetarian and a teetotaller. 
 
Act III The Philanderer 1 2 1 
 
 paramore [rising] Well, you can make up for lost time 
 now. [Bitterly, shewing Craven the Journal] There ! 
 you can read for yourself. The camel was fed on beef 
 dissolved in alcohol ; and he gained weight under it. 
 Eat and drink as much as you please. [Still unable to stand 
 without support, he makes his way past Cuthbertson to the 
 revolving bookcase and stands there with his back to them, lean- 
 ing on it with his head on his hand]. 
 
 craven [grumbling] Oh yes, it's very easy for you to 
 talk, Paramore. But what am I to say to the Humanitar 
 ian societies and the Vegetarian societies that have made 
 me Vice President ? 
 
 cuthbertson [chuckling] Aha ! You made a virtue of 
 it, did you, Dan ? 
 
 craven [warmly] I made a virtue of necessity, Jo. No 
 one can blame me. 
 
 julia [soothing him] Well, never mind, Daddy. Come 
 back to the dining room and have a good beefsteak. 
 
 craven [shuddering] Ugh ! [Plaintively] No : Ive 
 lost my old manly taste for it. My very nature's been 
 corrupted by living on pap. [To Paramore] Thats what 
 comes of all this vivisection. You go experimenting on 
 horses ; and of course the result is that you try to get me 
 into condition by feeding me on beans. 
 
 paramore [curtly, without changing his position] Well, if 
 theyve done you good, so much the better for you. 
 
 craven [querulously] Thats all very well ; but it's very 
 vexing. You dont half see how serious it is to make a 
 man believe that he has only another year to live : you 
 really dont, Paramore : I cant help saying it. Ive made 
 my will, which was altogether unnecessary ; and Ive been 
 reconciled to a lot of people I'd quarrelled with people 
 I cant stand under ordinary circumstances. Then Ive let 
 the girls get round me at home to an extent I should never 
 have done if I'd had my life before me. Ive done a lot 
 of serious thinking and reading and extra church going. 
 And now it turns out simple waste of time. On my soul, 
 
122 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 it's too disgusting : I'd far rather die like a man when I 
 said I would. 
 
 paramore [as before'] Perhaps you may. Your heart's 
 shaky, if thats any satisfaction to you. 
 
 craven [offended] You must excuse me, Paramore, if I 
 say that I no longer feel any confidence in your opinion 
 as a medical man. [Paramore* s eye flashes : he straightens 
 himself and listens], I paid you a pretty stiff fee for that 
 consultation when you condemned me ; and I cant say I 
 think you gave me value for it. 
 
 paramore [turning and facing Craven with dignity] Thats 
 unanswerable, Colonel Craven. I shall return the fee. 
 
 craven. Oh, it's not the money ; but I think you 
 ought to realize your position. [Paramore turns stiffly 
 away. Craven follows him impulsively, exclaiming remorse- 
 fully] Well, perhaps it was a nasty thing of me to allude to 
 it. [He offers Paramore his hand], 
 
 paramore [conscientiously taking it] Not at all. You are 
 quite in the right, Colonel Craven : my diagnosis was 
 wrong ; and I must take the consequences. 
 
 craven [holding his hand] No, dont say that. It was 
 natural enough : my liver is enough to set any man's 
 diagnosis wrong. [A long handshake, very trying to Para- 
 more *s nerves, Paramore then retires to the recess on Ibsen* s 
 left, and throws himself on the divan with a half suppressed sob, 
 bending over the British Medical Journal with his head on 
 his hands and his elbows on his knees], 
 
 cuthbertson [who has been rejoicing with Julia at the other 
 side of the room] Well, let's say no more about it. I con- 
 gratulate you, Craven, and hope you may long be spared. 
 [Craven offers his hand]. No, Dan : your daughter first. 
 [He takes Julia's hand gently and hands her across to Craven, 
 into whose arms she flies with a gush of feeling], 
 
 julia. Dear old Daddy ! 
 
 craven. Ah, is Julia glad that the old Dad is let off for 
 a few years more ? 
 
 julia [almost crying] Oh, so glad: so glad! [Cuthbert- 
 
Act III The Philanderer 123 
 
 son sobs audibly. The Colonel is affected. Sylvia, entering 
 from the dining room, stops abruptly at the door on seeing the 
 three. Paramore, in the recess, escapes her notice]. 
 
 sylvia. Hallo ! 
 
 craven. Tell her the news, Julia : it would sound 
 ridiculous from me. [He goes to the weeping Cuthbertson, 
 and pats him consolingly on the shoulder]. 
 
 julia. Silly : only think ! Dad's not ill at all. It was 
 only a mistake of Dr Paramore's. Oh, dear ! [She catches 
 Craven's left hand and stoops to kiss it, his right hand being 
 still on Cuthbert son's shoulder]. 
 
 sylvia [contemptuously] I knew it. Of course it was 
 nothing but eating too much. I always said Paramore was 
 an ass. [Sensation. Cuthbertson, Craven and Julia turn 
 in consternation], 
 
 paramore [without malice] Never mind, Miss Craven. 
 That is what is being said all over Europe now. Never 
 mind. 
 
 sylvia [a little abashed] I'm so sorry, Dr Paramore. 
 You must excuse a daughter's feelings. 
 
 craven [huffed] It evidently doesnt make much differ- 
 ence to you, Sylvia. 
 
 sylvia. I'm not going to be sentimental over it, Dad, 
 you may bet. [Coming to Craven] Besides, I knew it was 
 nonsense all along. [Petting him] Poor dear old Dad ! 
 why should your days be numbered any more than any 
 one else's? [He pats her cheek, mollified. Julia impatiently 
 turns away from them]. Come to the smoking room ; and 
 let's see what you can do after teetotalling for a year. 
 
 craven [playfully] Vulgar little girl ! [He pinches her 
 ear]. Shall we come, Jo ! Youll be the better for a 
 pick-me-up after all this emotion. 
 
 cuthbertson. I'm not ashamed of it, Dan. It has done 
 me good. [He goes up to the table and shakes his fist at the 
 bust over the mantelpiece]. It would do you good too, if 
 you had eyes and ears to take it in. 
 
 craven [astonished] Who ? 
 
1 24 The Philanderer Act ill 
 
 sylvia. Why, good old Henrik, of course. 
 
 craven [puzzled] Henrik ? 
 
 cuthbertson [impatiently] Ibsen, man : Ibsen. [He 
 goes out by the staircase door, followed by Sylvia, who kisses 
 her hand to the bust as she passes. Craven stares blankly after 
 her, and then at the bust. Giving the problem up as in- 
 soluble, he shakes his head and follows them. Near the door, 
 he checks himself, and comes back]. 
 
 craven [softly] By the way, Paramore ? 
 
 paramore [rousing himself with an effort] Yes ? 
 
 craven. You werent in earnest that time about my 
 heart, were you ? 
 
 paramore. Oh nothing, nothing. Theres a slight 
 murmur mitral valves a little worn perhaps ; but theyll 
 last your time if youre careful. Dont smoke too much. 
 
 craven. What ! More privations ! Now really, Para- 
 more, r e a 1 1 y 
 
 paramore [rising distractedly] Excuse me : I cant pur- 
 sue the subject. I I 
 
 julia. Dont worry him now, Daddy. 
 
 craven. Well, well : I wont. [He comes to Paramore, who 
 is pacing restlessly up and down the middle of the room]. Come, 
 Paramore, I'm not selfish, believe me : I can feel for your 
 disappointment. But you must face it like a man. And 
 after all, now really, doesnt this shew that theres a lot of 
 rot about modern science? Between ourselves, you know, 
 it's horribly cruel : you must admit that it's a deuced 
 nasty thing to go ripping up and crucifying camels and 
 monkeys. It must blunt all the finer feelings sooner or 
 later. 
 
 paramore [turning on him] How many camels and horses 
 and men were ripped up in that Soudan campaign where 
 you won your Victoria Cross, Colonel Craven ? 
 
 craven [firing up] That was fair fighting a very 
 different thing, Paramore. 
 
 paramore. Yes : Martinis and machine guns against 
 naked spearmen. 
 
Act ill The Philanderer 125 
 
 craven [hotly] I took my chance with the rest, Dr 
 Paramore. I risked my own life : dont forget that. 
 
 paramore [with equal spirit} And I have risked mine, as 
 all doctors do, oftener than any soldier. 
 
 craven. Thats true. I didnt think of that. I beg your 
 pardon, Paramore : I'll never say another word against 
 your profession. But I hope youll let me stick to the 
 good old fashioned shaking up treatment for my liver 
 a clinking run across country with the hounds. 
 
 paramore [with bitter irony} Isnt that rather cruel 
 a pack of dogs ripping up a fox ? 
 
 julia [coming coaxingly between them] Oh please dont 
 begin arguing again. Do go to the smoking room, Daddy : 
 Mr Cuthbertson will wonder what has become of you. 
 
 craven. Very well, very well : I'll go. But youre 
 really not reasonable to-day, Paramore, to talk that way of 
 fair sport 
 
 julia. Sh sh [coaxing him towards the door\ 
 
 craven. Well, well, I'm off. [He goes goodbumoredly, 
 pushed out by Julia}. 
 
 julia [turning at the door with her utmost witchery of 
 manner] Dont look so disappointed, Dr Paramore. Cheer 
 up. Youve been most kind to us ; and youve done papa 
 a lot of good. 
 
 paramore [delighted, rushing over to her] How beautiful 
 it is of you to say that to me, Miss Craven ! 
 
 julia. I hate to see anyone unhappy. I cant bear 
 unhappiness. [She runs out, casting a Parthian glance at him as 
 she flies. Paramore stands enraptured, gazing after her through 
 the glass door. Whilst he is thus absorbed, Charteris comes in 
 from the dining room and touches him on the arm}. 
 
 paramore [starting] Eh ! Whats the matter ? 
 
 charteris [significantly] Charming woman, isnt she, 
 Paramore ? [Looking admiringly at him] How have you 
 managed to fascinate her ? 
 
 paramore. I ! Do you really mean [He looks at 
 him ; then recovers himself and adds coldly] Excuse me : this 
 
126 The Philanderer Act ill 
 
 is a subject I do not care to jest about. [He walks away 
 fro?n Charter is along the side of the room, and sits down in an 
 easy chair, reading his Journal to intimate that he does not 
 wish to pursue the conversation]. 
 
 charteris [ignoring the hint and coolly taking a chair beside 
 him] Why dont you get married, Paramore ? You know 
 it's a scandalous thing for a man in your profession to be 
 single. 
 
 paramore [shortly, still pretending to read! Thats my 
 own business : not yours. 
 
 charteris. Not at all : it's pre-eminently a social 
 question. Youre going to get married, arnt you ? 
 
 paramore. Not that I am aware of. 
 
 charteris [alarmed] No ! Dont say that. Why ? 
 
 paramore [rising angrily and rapping one of the silence 
 placards] Allow me to call your attention to that. [He 
 crosses to the easy chair fiear the revolving bookstand, and flings 
 himself into it with determined hostility]. 
 
 charteris [following him, too deeply concerned to mind the 
 rebuff] Paramore : you alarm me more than I can say. 
 Youve been and muffed this business somehow. I know 
 perfectly well what youve been up to ; and I fully expected 
 to find you a joyful accepted suitor. 
 
 paramore [angrily] Yes, you have been watching me 
 because you admire Miss Craven yourself. Well, you 
 may go in and win now. You will be pleased to hear 
 that I am a ruined man. 
 
 charteris. You ! Ruined ! How ? The turf ? 
 
 paramore [contemptuously] The turf! ! Certainly not. 
 
 charteris. Paramore : if the loan of all I possess will 
 help you over this difficulty, youre welcome to it. 
 
 paramore [rising in surprise] Charteris ! I [suspici- 
 ously] Are you joking ? 
 
 charteris. Why on earth do you always suspect me of 
 joking ? I never was more serious in my life. 
 
 paramore [shamed by Charteris 's generosity] Then I beg 
 your pardon. I thought the news would please you. 
 
Act ill The Philanderer 1 27 
 
 charteris [deprecating this injustice to his good feeling] 
 My dear fellow ! 
 
 paramore. I see I was wrong. I am really very sorry. 
 [They shake hands']. And now you may as well learn the 
 truth. I had rather you heard it from me than from the 
 gossip of the club. My liver discovery has been er 
 er [he cannot bring himself to say it] 
 
 charteris [helping him out] Confirmed ? [Sadly] I see : 
 the poor Colonel's doomed. 
 
 paramore. No : on the contrary, it has been er 
 called in question. The Colonel now believes himself to 
 be in perfectly good health ; and my friendly relations 
 with the Cravens are entirely spoiled. 
 
 charteris. Who told him about it ? 
 
 paramore. I did, of course, the moment I read the news 
 in this. [He shews the Journal and puts it down on the 
 bookstand], 
 
 charteris. Why, man, youve been a messenger of glad 
 tidings ! Didnt you congratulate him ? 
 
 paramore [scandalized] Congratulate him ! Congratu- 
 late a man on the worst blow pathological science has 
 received for the last three hundred years ! 
 
 charteris. No, no, no. Congratulate him on having 
 his life saved. Congratulate Julia on having her father 
 spared. Swear that your discovery and your reputation 
 are as nothing to you compared with the pleasure of 
 restoring happiness to the household in which the best 
 hopes of your life are centred. Confound it, man, youll 
 never get married if you cant turn things to account with 
 a woman in these little ways. 
 
 paramore [gravely] Excuse me ; but my self respect is 
 dearer to me even than Miss Craven. I cannot trifle with 
 scientific questions for the sake of a personal advantage. 
 [He turns away coldly and goes towards the table]. 
 
 charteris. Well, this beats me ! The nonconform- 
 ist conscience is bad enough ; but the scientific con- 
 science is the very devil. [He follows Paramore and puts 
 
128 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 his arm familiarly round his shoulder, bringing him back 
 again whilst he speaks]. Now look here, Paramore : Ive 
 got no conscience in that sense at all : I loathe it as I 
 loathe all the snares of idealism ; but I have some common 
 humanity and common sense. [He replaces him in the easy 
 chair, and sits down opposite him]. Come : what is a really 
 scientific theory ? a true theory, isnt it ? 
 
 PARAMORE. No doubt. 
 
 charteris. For instance, you have a theory about 
 Craven's liver, eh ? 
 
 paramore. I still believe that to be a true theory, though 
 it has been upset for the moment. 
 
 charteris. And you have a theory that it would be 
 pleasant to be married to Julia ? 
 
 paramore. I suppose so in a sense. 
 
 charteris. That theory also will be upset, probably, 
 before youre a year older. 
 
 paramore. Always cynical, Charteris. 
 
 charteris. Never mind that. Now it's a perfectly 
 damnable thing for you to hope that your liver theory is 
 true, because it amounts to hoping that Craven will die an 
 agonizing death. [This strikes Paramore as paradoxical; 
 but it startles him]. But it's amiable and human to hope 
 that your theory about Julia is right, because it amounts to 
 hoping that she may live happily ever after. 
 
 paramore. I do hope that with all my soul [correct- 
 ing himself] I mean with all my function of hoping. 
 
 charteris. Then, since both theories are equally 
 scientific, why not devote yourself, as a humane man, to 
 proving the amiable theory rather than the damnable 
 one ? 
 
 PARAMORE. But how ? 
 
 charteris. I'll tell you. You think I'm fond of Julia 
 myself. So I am ; but then I'm fond of everybody ; so I 
 dont count. Besides, if you try the scientific experiment 
 of asking her whether she loves me, she'll tell you that 
 she hates and despises me. So I'm out of the running. 
 
Act III The Philanderer 129 
 
 Nevertheless, like you, I hope that she may be happy with 
 all my what did you call your soul ? 
 
 paramore [impatiently'] Oh, go on, go on : finish what 
 you were going to say. 
 
 charteris [suddenly affecting complete indifference, and 
 rising carelessly] I dont know that I have anything more 
 to say. If I were you I should invite the Cravens 
 to tea in honor of the Colonel's escape from a horrible 
 doom. By the way, if youve done with that British Medical 
 Journal, I should like to see how theyve smashed your 
 theory up. 
 
 paramore [wincing as he also rises] Oh, certainly, if you 
 wish it. I have no objection. [He takes the Journal from 
 the bookstand]. I admit that the Italian experiments 
 apparently upset my theory: But please remember 
 that it is doubtful extremely doubtful whether any- 
 thing can be proved by experiments on animals. [He hands 
 Charteris the Journal]. 
 
 charteris [taking it] It doesnt matter : I dont intend to 
 make any. [He retires to the recess on Ibsen's right \ picking 
 up the step ladder as he passes and placing it so that he is able to 
 use it for a leg rest as he settles himself to read on the divan 
 with his back to the corner of the mantelpiece. Paramore goes 
 to the dining room door, and is about to leave the library when he 
 meets Grace entering], 
 
 grace. How do you do, Dr Paramore ? So glad to see 
 you. [They shake hands], 
 
 paramore. Thanks. Quite well, I hope ? 
 
 grace. Quite, thank you. Youre looking overworked. 
 We must take more care of you, Doctor. 
 
 paramore. You are too kind. 
 
 grace. It is you who are too kind to your patients. 
 You sacrifice yourself. Have a little rest. Come and talk 
 to me tell me all about the latest scientific discoveries, 
 and what I ought to read to keep myself up to date. But 
 perhaps youre busy. 
 
 paramore. No, not at all. Only too delighted. [They 
 
 vol. 1 k 
 
130 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 go into the recess on Ibsen's left, and sit there chatting in whispers, 
 very confidentially}. 
 
 charteris. How they all love a doctor ! They can say 
 what they like to him. [Julia returns. He takes his feet 
 from the ladder and sits up]. Whew ! [Julia wanders along 
 his side of the room, apparently looking for someone. Charteris 
 steals after her], 
 
 charteris [in a low voice] Looking for me, Julia ? 
 
 julia [starting violently] Oh ! How you startled me ! 
 
 charteris. Sh ! I want to shew you something. Look ! 
 [He points to the pair in the recess]. 
 
 julia [jealously] That woman ! 
 
 charteris. My young woman, carrving off your 
 young man. 
 
 julia. What do you mean ? Do you dare insinuate 
 
 charteris. Sh sh sh ! Dont disturb them. [Para- 
 more rises ; takes down a book ; and sits on a footstool at Grace's 
 feet}. 
 
 julia. Why are they whispering like that ? 
 
 charteris. Because they dont want anyone to hear 
 what they are saying to one another. [Paramore shews 
 Grace a picture in the book. They both laugh heartily 
 over it]. 
 
 julia. What is he shewing her ? 
 
 charteris. Probably a diagram of the liver. [Julia, 
 with an exclamation of disgust, makes for the recess. Charteris 
 catches her sleeve]. Stop : be careful, Julia. [She frees her- 
 self by giving him a push which upsets him into the easy chair ; 
 then crosses to the recess and stands looking down at Grace and 
 Paramore from the corner next the fireplace], 
 
 julia [with suppressed fury] You seem to have found a 
 very interesting book, Dr Paramore. [They look up, 
 astonished]. May I ask what it is? [She stoops swiftly; 
 snatches the book from Paramore ; and comes down to the table 
 quickly to look at it whilst they rise in amazement]. Good 
 Words ! [She fiings it on the table and sweeps back past 
 Charteris, exclaiming contemptuously] You fool ! [Paramore 
 
Act III The Philanderer 1 3 1 
 
 and Grace, meanwhile, come from the recess : Paramore be- 
 wilder ed, Grace very determined'], 
 
 charteris [aside to Julia as he gets out of the easy 
 chair] Idiot ! She'll have you turned out of the club for 
 this. 
 
 julia [terrified] She cant can she ? 
 
 paramore. What is the matter, Miss Craven ? 
 
 charteris [hastily] Nothing my fault a stupid 
 practical joke. I beg your pardon and Mrs Tranfield's. 
 
 grace [firmly] It is not your fault in the least, Mr. 
 Charteris. Dr Paramore : will you oblige me by rinding 
 Sylvia Craven for me, if you can ? 
 
 paramore [hesitating] But 
 
 grace. I want you to go now, if you please. 
 
 paramore [succumbing] Certainly. [He bows and goes 
 out by the staircase door], 
 
 grace. You are going with him, Charteris. 
 
 julia. You will not leave me here to be insulted by 
 this woman, Mr Charteris. [She takes his arm as if to go 
 with him], 
 
 grace. When two ladies quarrel in this club, it is 
 against the rules to settle it when there are gentlemen 
 present especially the gentleman they are quarrelling about. 
 I presume you do not wish to break that rule, Miss Craven. 
 [Julia sullenly drops Char tens' s arm, Grace turns to Char- 
 teris and adds] Now ! Trot off. 
 
 charteris. Certainly, certainly. [He follows Paramore 
 ignominious ly], 
 
 grace [to Julia, with quiet peremptoriness] Now : what 
 have you to say to me ? 
 
 julia [suddenly throwing herself tragically on her knees at 
 Grace's feet] Dont take him from me. Oh dont 
 dont be so cruel. Give him back to me. You dont know 
 what youre doing what our past has been how I love 
 him. You dont know 
 
 grace. Get up ; and dont be a fool. Suppose anyone 
 comes in and sees you in that ridiculous attitude ! 
 
132 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 julia. I hardly know what I'm doing. I dont care 
 what I'm doing : Pm too miserable. Oh, wont you 
 listen to me ? 
 
 grace. Do you suppose I am a man, to be imposed on 
 by this sort of rubbish ? 
 
 julia [getting up and looking darkly at her] You intend 
 to take him from me, then ? 
 
 grace. Do you expect me to help you to keep him after 
 the way you have behaved ? 
 
 julia [trying her theatrical method in a milder form 
 reasonable and impulsively goodnatured instead of tragic] I 
 know I was wrong to act as I did last night. I beg your 
 pardon. I am sorry. I was mad. 
 
 grace. Not a bit mad. You calculated to an inch how 
 far you could go. When he is present to stand between 
 us and play out the scene with you, I count for nothing. 
 When we are alone, you fall back on your natural way of 
 getting anything you want crying for it like a baby 
 until it is given to you. 
 
 julia [with unconcealed hatred] You learnt this from him. 
 
 grace. I learnt it from yourself, last night and now. 
 How I hate to be a woman when I see, by you, what 
 wretched childish creatures we are ! Those two men 
 would cut you dead and have you turned out of the club 
 if you were a man and had behaved in such a way before 
 them. But because you are only a woman, they are for- 
 bearing, sympathetic, gallant Oh, if you had a scrap of 
 self-respect, their indulgence would make you creep all over. 
 I understand now why Charteris has no respect for women. 
 
 julia. How dare you say that ? 
 
 grace. Dare ! I love him. And I have refused his 
 offer to marry me. 
 
 julia [incredulous, but hopeful] You have refused ! 
 
 grace. Yes ; because I will not give myself to any man 
 who has learnt how to treat women from you and your 
 like. I can do without his love, but not without his 
 respect ; and it is your fault that I cannot have both. 
 
Act III The Philanderer 133 
 
 Take his love then ; and much good may it do you ! Run 
 to him and beg him to have mercy on you and take you back. 
 
 julia. Oh, what a liar you are ! He loved me before 
 he ever saw you before he ever dreamt of you, you piti- 
 ful thing. Do you think / need go down on my knees to 
 men to make them come to me? That may be your 
 experience, you creature with no figure : it is not mine. 
 There are dozens of men who would give their souls for a 
 look from me. I have only to lift my finger. 
 
 grace. Lift it then; and see whether he will come. 
 
 julia. How I should like to kill you ! I dont know 
 why I dont. 
 
 grace. Yes : you like to get out of your difficulties 
 cheaply at other people's expense. It is something to 
 boast of, isnt it, that dozens of men would make love to 
 you if you invited them? 
 
 julia [sullenly'] I suppose it's better to be like you, with 
 a cold heart and a serpent's tongue. Thank Heaven, I 
 have a heart : that is why you can hurt me as I cannot 
 hurt you. And you are a coward. You are giving him up 
 to me without a struggle. 
 
 grace. Yes : it is for you to struggle. I wish you 
 success. [She turns away contemptuously and is going to the 
 dining room door when Sylvia enters on the opposite side, 
 followed by Cuthbertson and Craven, who come to Julia, 
 whilst Sylvia crosses to Grace], 
 
 sylvia. Here I am, sent by the faithful Paramore. 
 He hinted that I'd better bring the elder members of the 
 family too : here they are. Whats the row ? 
 
 grace [quietly] Nothing, dear. Theres no row. 
 
 julia [hysterically, tottering and stretching out her arms to 
 Craven] Daddy ! 
 
 craven [taking her in his arms] My precious ! Whats 
 the matter ? 
 
 julia [through her tears] She's going to have me ex- 
 pelled from the club ; and we shall all be disgraced. Can 
 she do it, Daddy ? 
 
134 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 craven. Well, really, the rules of this club are so ex- 
 traordinary that I dont know. [To Grace] May I ask, 
 Mrs Tranfleld, whether you have any complaint to make 
 of my daughter's conduct ? 
 
 grace. Yes, Colonel Craven. I am going to complain 
 to the committee. 
 
 sylvia. I knew youd overdo it someday, Julia. [Craven, 
 at a loss, looks at Cuthbertson], 
 
 cuthbertson. Dont look at me, Dan. Within these 
 walls a father's influence counts for nothing. 
 
 craven. May I ask the ground of complaint, Mrs Tran- 
 field ? 
 
 grace. Simply that Miss Craven is essentially a womanly 
 woman, and, as such, not eligible for membership. 
 
 julia. It's false. I'm not a womanly woman. I was 
 guaranteed when I joined just as you were. 
 
 grace. By Mr Charteris, I think, at your own request. 
 I shall call him as a witness to your thoroughly womanly 
 conduct just now in his presence and Dr Paramore's. 
 
 craven. Cuthbertson : are they joking ; or am I dream- 
 ing ? 
 
 cuthbertson [grimly] It's real, Dan : youre awake. 
 
 sylvia [taking Craven's left arm and hugging it affection- 
 ately] Dear old Rip Van Winkle ! 
 
 craven. Well, Mrs Tranfield, all I can say is that I 
 hope you will succeed in establishing your complaint, and 
 that Julia may soon see the last of this most outrageous 
 institution. [Sylvia, still caressing bis arm, laughs at him. 
 Charteris returns], 
 
 charteris [at the door] May I come in ? 
 
 sylvia [releasing the Colonel] Yes : youre wanted here 
 as a witness. [Charteris comes in]. It's a bad case of woman- 
 liness. 
 
 grace [half aside to him, significantly] You understand ? 
 [Julia, watching them jealously, leaves her father and gets close 
 to Charteris. Grace adds aloud] I shall expect your support 
 before the committee. 
 
Act III The Philanderer 1 3 5 
 
 julia. If you have a scrap of manhood you will take my 
 part. 
 
 charteris. But then I shall be expelled for being a 
 manly man. Besides, I'm on the committee myself: I 
 cant act as judge and witness too. You must apply to 
 Paramore : he saw it all. 
 
 grace. Where is Dr Paramore ? 
 
 charteris. Just gone home. 
 
 julia [with sudden resolution] What is Dr Paramore's 
 number in Savile Row ? 
 
 charteris. Seventy nine. [Julia goes out quickly by the 
 staircase door, to their astonishment, Charteris follozvs her to 
 the door, which swings back in his face, leaving him staring 
 after her through the glass. Sylvia runs to Grace], 
 
 sylvia. Grace : go after her. Dont let her get before- 
 hand with Paramore. She'll tell him the most heartbreak- 
 ing stories about how she's been treated, and get him round 
 completely. 
 
 craven [thundering] Sylvia ! Is that the way to speak 
 of your sister, miss ? [Grace squeezes Sylvia 's hand to console 
 her, and sits down calmly. Sylvia posts herself behind Grace's 
 chair, leaning over the back to watch the ensuing colloquy between 
 the three men], I assure you, Mrs Tranfield, Dr Paramore 
 has just invited us all to take afternoon tea with him ; 
 and if my daughter has gone to his house, she is simply 
 taking advantage of his invitation to extricate herself from 
 a very embarrassing scene here. We're all going there. 
 Come, Sylvfa. [He turns to go, followed by Cuthbertson], 
 
 charteris [in consternation] Stop ! [He gets between 
 Graven and Cuthbertson], What hurry is there ? Cant 
 you give the man time ? 
 
 craven. Time ! What for ? 
 
 charteris [talking foolishly in his agitation] Well, to get a 
 little rest, you know a busy professional man like that ! 
 He's not had a moment to himself all day. 
 
 craven. But Julia's with him. 
 
 charteris. Well, no matter : she's only one person. 
 
i 3 6 
 
 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 And she ought to have an opportunity of laying her case 
 before him. As a member of the committee, I think thats 
 only just. Be reasonable, Craven : give him half an hour. 
 
 cuthbertson [sternly] What do you mean by this, 
 Charteris ? 
 
 charteris. Nothing, I assure you. Only common con- 
 sideration for poor Paramore. 
 
 cuthbertson. Youve some motive. Craven : I strongly 
 advise that we go at once. [He grasps the door handle], 
 
 charteris [coaxingly] No, no. [He puts his hand per- 
 suasively on Craven's arm, adding] It's not good for your 
 liver, Craven, to rush about immediately after lunch. 
 
 cuthbertson. His liver's cured. Come on, Craven. 
 [He opens the door], 
 
 charteris [catching Cuthbertson by the sleeve] Cuthbert- 
 son : youre mad. Paramore's going to propose to Julia. 
 We must give him time : he's not the man to come to 
 the point in three minutes as you or I would. [Turning to 
 Craven] Dont you see ? that will get me out of the 
 difficulty we were speaking of this morning you and I 
 and Cuthbertson. You remember ? 
 
 craven. Now is this a thing to say plump out before 
 everybody, Charteris ? Confound it, have you no decency ? 
 
 cuthbertson [severely] None whatever. 
 
 charteris [turning to Cuthbertson] No dont be un- 
 kind, Cuthbertson. Back me up. My future, her 
 future, Mrs Tranfield's future, Craven's future, every- 
 body's future depends on our finding Julia Paramore's 
 affianced bride when we go over to Savile Row. He's 
 certain to propose if youll only give him time. You 
 know youre a kindly and sensible man as well as a deucedly 
 clever one, Cuthbertson, in spite of all your nonsense. 
 Say a word for me. 
 
 craven. I'm quite willing to leave the decision to 
 Cuthbertson ; and I have no doubt whatever as to what 
 that decision will be. [Cuthbertson carefully shuts the door, 
 and comes back into the room with an air of weighty reflection]. 
 
Act III The Philanderer 137 
 
 cuthbertson. I am now going to speak as a man of the 
 world : that is, without moral responsibility. 
 
 craven. Quite so, Jo. Of course. 
 
 cuthbertson. Therefore, though I have no sympathy 
 whatever with Charteris's views, I think we can do no 
 harm by waiting say ten minutes or so. [He sits 
 down]. 
 
 charteris {delighted] Ah, there's nobody like you after 
 all, Cuthbertson, when theres a difficult situation to be 
 judged. 
 
 craven [deeply disappointed] Oh well, Jo, if that is your 
 decision, I must keep my word and abide by it. Better 
 sit down and make ourselves comfortable, I suppose. [He 
 sits also, under protest], 
 
 charteris [fidgeting about] I cant sit down : I'm too 
 restless. The fact is, Julia has made me so nervous that I 
 cant answer for myself until I know her decision. Mrs 
 Tranfield will tell you what a time Ive had lately. Julia's 
 really a most determined woman, you know. 
 
 craven [starting up] Well, upon my life ! Upon my 
 honor and conscience ! ! Now really ! ! ! I shall go this 
 instant. Come on, Sylvia. Cuthbertson : I hope youll 
 mark your sense of this sort of thing by coming on to 
 Paramore's with us at once. [He marches to the door], 
 
 charteris [desperately] Craven : youre trifling with your 
 daughter's happiness. I only ask five minutes more. 
 
 craven. Not five seconds, sir. Fie for shame, Charteris ! 
 [He goes out], 
 
 cuthbertson [to Charteris, as he passes him on his way to 
 the door] Bungler ! [He follows Craven], 
 
 sylvia. Serve you right, you duffer ! [She follows 
 Cuthbertson], 
 
 charteris. Oh, these headstrong old men ! [To Grace] 
 Nothing to be done now but go with them and delay the 
 Colonel as much as possible. So I'm afraid I must leave you. 
 
 grace [rising] Not at all. Paramore invited me, too, 
 when we were talking over there. 
 
138 The Philanderer Act III 
 
 charteris [aghast] You dont mean to say youre coming ! 
 
 grace. Most certainly. Do you suppose I will let that 
 woman think I am afraid to meet her ? [Charteris sinks 
 on a chair with a prolonged groan]. Come : dont be silly : 
 youll not overtake the Colonel if you delay any longer. 
 
 charteris. Why was I ever born, child of misfortune 
 that I am ! [He rises despairingly]. Well, if you must come, 
 you must. [He offers his arm, which she takes]. By the 
 way, what happened after I left you ? 
 
 grace. I gave her a lecture on her behavior which she 
 will remember to the last day of her life. 
 
 charteris [approvingly] That was right, darling. [He 
 slips his ar?n round her waist] Just one kiss to soothe me. 
 
 grace [complacently offering her cheek] Foolish boy ! [He 
 kisses her]. Now come along. [They go out together]. 
 
ACT IV 
 
 Sitting room in Par amor is apartments in Savile Row. 
 The darkly respectable furniture is, so to speak, en suite with 
 Par amor is frock coat and cuffs. Viewing the room from the 
 front windows, the door is seen in the opposite wall near the left 
 hand corner. Another door, a light, noiseless partition one covered 
 with green baize, is in the right hand wall towards the back, 
 leading to Paramore'* s consulting room. The f replace is on the 
 left. At the nearest corner of it a couch is placed at right 
 angles to the wall, settlewise. On the right the wall is occupied 
 by a bookcase, further forward than the green baize door. 
 Beyond the door is a cabinet of anatomical preparations, with a 
 framed photograph of Rembrandt's School of Anatomy hanging 
 on the wall above it. In front, a little to the right, a teat able. 
 
 Paramore is seated in a round-backed chair, on castors, 
 pouring out tea. Julia sits opposite him, with her back to the 
 fire. He is in high spirits : she very downcast. 
 
 paramore {handing her the cup he has just filled] There ! 
 Making tea is one of the few things I consider myself able 
 to do thoroughly well. Cake ? 
 
 julia. No, thank you. I dont like sweet things. {She 
 sets down the cup untasted], 
 
 paramore. Anything wrong with the tea ? 
 
 julia. No, it's very nice. 
 
 paramore. I'm afraid I'm a bad entertainer. The 
 fact is, I am too professional. I only shine in consulta- 
 tion. I almost wish you had something serious the matter 
 
140 The Philanderer Act iv 
 
 with you ; so that you might call out my knowledge and 
 sympathy. As it is, I can only admire you, and feel how 
 pleasant it is to have you here. 
 
 julia [bitterly] And pet me, and say pretty things to 
 me ! I wonder you dont offer me a saucer of milk at 
 once ! 
 
 para more [astonished] Why ? 
 
 julia. Because you seem to regard me very much as if 
 I were a Persian cat. 
 
 paramore [in strong remonstrance] Miss Cra 
 
 julia [cutting him short] Oh, you neednt protest. I'm 
 used to it : it's the sort of attachment I seem always to 
 inspire. [Ironically] You cant think how flattering it is ! 
 
 paramore. My dear Miss Craven, what a cynical thing 
 to say ! You ! who are loved at first sight by the people 
 in the street as you pass. Why, in the club I can tell by 
 the faces of the men whether you have been lately in the 
 room or not. 
 
 julia [shrinking fiercely] Oh, I hate that look in their 
 faces. Do you know that I have never had one human 
 being care for me since I was born ? 
 
 paramore. Thats not true, Miss Craven. Even if it were 
 true of your father, and of Charteris, who loves you madly 
 in spite of your dislike for him, it is not true of me. 
 
 julia [startled] Who told you that about Charteris ? 
 
 paramore. Why, he himself. 
 
 julia [with deep, poignant conviction] He cares for only 
 one person in the world ; and that is himself. There is 
 not in his whole nature one unselfish spot. He would not 
 spend one hour of his real life with [a sob chokes her : 
 she rises passionately, crying] You are all alike, every one of 
 you. Even my father only makes a pet of me. [She goes 
 away to the fireplace and stands with her back to him], 
 
 paramore [following her humbly] I dont deserve this 
 from you : indeed I do not. 
 
 julia [rating him] Then why do you talk about me with 
 Charteris, behind my back ? 
 
Act TV The Philanderer 141 
 
 paramore. We said nothing disparaging of you. No- 
 body shall ever do that in my presence. We spoke of the 
 subject nearest our hearts. 
 
 julia. His heart! Oh God, his heart! [She sits 
 down on the couch and hides her face\ 
 
 paramore [sad/y] I am afraid you love him, for all that, 
 Miss Craven. 
 
 julia [raising her head instant/y] If he says that, he lies. 
 If ever you hear it said that I cared for him, contradict it: 
 it is false. 
 
 paramore [quickly advancing to her] Miss Craven : is the 
 way clear for me then ? 
 
 julia [losing interest in the conversation and looking crossly 
 into the fire] What do you mean ? 
 
 paramore [impetuously] You must see what I mean. 
 Contradict the rumor of your attachment to Charteris, 
 not by words it has gone too far for that but by 
 becoming my wife. [Earnestly] Believe me : it is not 
 merely your beauty that attracts me : [Julia, interested, 
 looks up at him quickly] I know other beautiful women. 
 It is your heart, your sincerity, your sterling reality, 
 [Julia rises and gazes at him, breathless with a new hope] 
 your great gifts of character that are only half developed 
 because you have never been understood by those about 
 you. 
 
 julia [lookingly intently at him, and yet beginning to be 
 derisively sceptical in spite of herself] Have you really seen 
 all that in me ? 
 
 paramore. I have felt it. I have been alone in the 
 world ; and I need you, Julia. That is how I have divined 
 that you, also, are alone in the world. 
 
 julia [with theatrical pathos] You are right there. I am 
 indeed alone in the world. 
 
 paramore [timidly approaching her] With you I should 
 not be alone. And you ? with me ? 
 
 julia. You ! [She gets quickly out of his reach, taking 
 refuge at the teatable] No, no. I cant bring myself 
 
142 The Philanderer Act IV 
 
 [She breaks off, perplexed, and looks wieasily about her] Oh, 
 I dont know what to do. You will expect too much from 
 me. [She sits down\ 
 
 paramore. I have more faith in you than you have in 
 yourself. Your nature is richer than you think. 
 
 julia [doubtfully] Do you really believe that I am 
 not the shallow, jealous, devilish tempered creature they 
 all pretend I am ? 
 
 paramore. I am ready to place my happiness in your 
 hands. Does that prove what I think of you ? 
 
 julia. Yes : I believe you really care for me. [He 
 approaches her eagerly : she has a violent revulsion, and rises 
 with her hand raised as if to beat him off, crying] No, no, 
 no, no. I cannot. It's impossible. [She goes towards the 
 door], 
 
 paramore [looking wistfully after her] Is it Charteris ? 
 
 julia [stopping and turning] Ah, you think that ! [She 
 comes back]. Listen to me. If I say yes, will you promise 
 not to touch me to give me time to accustom myself to 
 the idea of our new relations ? 
 
 paramore. I promise most faithfully. I would not 
 press you for the world. 
 
 julia. Then then yes : I promise [He is about to 
 utter his rapture : she will not have it]. Now not another 
 word of it. Let us forget it. [She resumes her seat at the 
 table]. Give me some more tea. [He hastens to his former 
 seat. As he passes, she puts her left hand on his arm and says] 
 Be good to me, Percy : I need it sorely. 
 
 paramore [transported] You have called me Percy ! 
 Hurrah ! [Charteris and Craven come in, Paramore hastens 
 to meet them, beaming]. Delighted to see you here with 
 me, Colonel Craven. And you too, Charteris. Sit down. 
 [ The Colonel sits down on the end of the couch]. Where are 
 the others ? 
 
 charteris. Sylvia has dragged Cuthbertson off into the 
 Burlington Arcade to buy some caramels. He likes to en- 
 courage her in eating caramels : he thinks it's a womanly 
 
Act IV The Philanderer 143 
 
 taste. Besides, he likes them himself. They'll be here 
 presently. [He strolls across to the cabinet and pretends to 
 study the Rembrandt photograph, so as to be as far out of Julia's 
 reach as possible]. 
 
 craven. Yes ; and Charteris has been trying to persuade 
 me that theres a short cut between Cork Street and Savile 
 Row somewhere in Conduit Street. Now did you ever hear 
 such nonsense ? Then he said my coat was getting shabby, 
 and wanted me to go into Poole's and order a new one. 
 Paramore : i s my coat shabby ? 
 
 paramore. Not that I can see. 
 
 craven. I should think not. Then he wanted to draw 
 me into a dispute about the Egyptian war. We should 
 have been here quarter of an hour ago only for his non- 
 sense. 
 
 charteris [still contemplating Rembrandt'] I did my best 
 to keep him from disturbing you, Paramore. 
 
 paramore [gratefully] You have come in the nick of 
 time. Colonel Craven : I have something very particular 
 to say to you. 
 
 craven [springing up in alarm] In private, Paramore : 
 now really it must be in private. 
 
 paramore [surprised] Of course. I was about to suggest 
 my consulting room : theres nobody there. Miss Craven : 
 will you excuse me : Charteris will entertain you until I 
 return. [He leads the way to the green baize door]. 
 
 charteris [aghast] Oh, I say, hadnt you better wait 
 until the others come ? 
 
 paramore [exultant] No need for further delay now, 
 my best friend. [He wrings Charteris's hand]. Will you 
 come, Colonel ? 
 
 craven. At your service, Paramore : at your service. 
 [Craven and Paramore go into the consulting room. Julia 
 turns her head and stares insolently at Charteris. His nerves 
 play him false : he is completely out of ceuntenance in a 
 moment. She rises suddenly. He starts, and comes hastily 
 forward between the table and the bookcase. She crosses to that 
 
144 The Philanderer Act IV 
 
 side behind the table ; and he i?nmediately crosses to the opposite 
 side in front of it, dodging her]. 
 
 charteris [nervously] Dont, Julia. Now dont abuse 
 your advantage. Youve got me here at your mercy. Be 
 good for once ; and dont make a scene. 
 
 julia [contemptuously] Do you suppose I am going to 
 touch you ? 
 
 charteris. No. Of course not. [She comes forward on 
 her side of the table. He retreats on his side of it. She looks 
 at him with utter scorn ; sweeps across to the couch ; and sits 
 down imperially. With a great sigh of relief he drops into 
 Paramore's chair], 
 
 julia. Come here. I have something to say to you. 
 
 charteris. Yes ? [He rolls the chair a few inches towards 
 her]. 
 
 julia. Come here, I say. I am not going to shout 
 across the room at you. Are you afraid of me ? 
 
 charteris. Horribly. [He moves the chair slowly, with 
 great misgiving, to the end of the couch]. 
 
 julia [with studied insolence] Has that woman told you 
 that she has given you up to me without an attempt to 
 defend her conquest ? 
 
 charteris [whispering persuasively] Shew that you are 
 capable of the same sacrifice. Give me up too. 
 
 julia. Sacrifice ! And so you think I'm dying to marry 
 you, do you ? 
 
 charteris. I am afraid your intentions have been 
 honorable, Julia. 
 
 julia. You cad ! 
 
 charteris [with a sigh] I confess I am something either 
 more or less than a gentleman, Julia. You once gave me 
 the benefit of the doubt. 
 
 julia. Indeed ! / never told you so. If you cannot 
 behave like a gentleman, you had better go back to the 
 society of the woman who has given you up if such a 
 cold blooded, cowardly creature can be called a woman. 
 [She rises majestically ; he makes his chair fly back to the table]. 
 
Act IV The Philanderer 145 
 
 X know you now, Leonard Charteris, through and through, 
 in all your falseness, your petty spite, your cruelty and 
 your vanity. The place you coveted has been won by a 
 man more worthy of it. 
 
 charteris [springing up, and coming close to her, gasping 
 with eagerness'] What do you mean ? Out with it. Have 
 you accep 
 
 julia. I am engaged to Dr Paramore. 
 
 charteris [enraptured] My own Julia ! [He attempts 
 to embrace her]. 
 
 julia [recoiling he catching her hands and holding them] 
 How dare you ! Are you mad ? Do you wish me to call 
 Dr Paramore ? 
 
 charteris. Call everybody, my darling everybody 
 in London. Now I shall no longer have to be brutal 
 to defend myself to go in fear of you. How I have 
 looked forward to this day ! You know now that I dont 
 want you to marry me or to love me : Paramore can 
 have all that. I only want to look on and rejoice disinter- 
 estedly in the happiness of [kissing her hand] my dear Julia 
 [kissing the other] my beautiful Julia. [She tears her hands 
 away and raises them as if to strike him, as she did the night 
 before at Cuthbertson's], No use to threaten me now : I am 
 not afraid of those hands the loveliest hands in the 
 world. 
 
 julia. How have you the face to turn round like this 
 after insulting and torturing me ! 
 
 charteris. Never mind, dearest : you never did under- 
 stand me ; and you never will. Our vivisecting friend has 
 made a successful experiment at last. 
 
 julia [earnestly] It is you who are the vivisector a 
 far crueller, more wanton vivisector than he. 
 
 charteris. Yes ; but then I learn so much more from 
 my experiments than he does ! And the victims learn as 
 much as I do. Thats where my moral superiority comes 
 in. 
 
 julia [sitting down again on the couch with rueful humor] 
 
146 The Philanderer Act iv 
 
 Well, you shall not experiment on me any more. Go 
 to your Grace if you want a victim. She'll be a tough 
 one. 
 
 charteris [reproachfully, sitting down beside her] And 
 you drove me to propose to her to escape from you ! 
 Suppose she had accepted me, where should I be now ? 
 
 julia. Where / am, I suppose, now that I have ac- 
 cepted Paramore. 
 
 charteris. But I should have made Grace unhappy. 
 [Julia sneers']. However, now I come to think of it, 
 youll make Paramore unhappy. And yet if you refused 
 him he would be in despair. Poor devil ! 
 
 julia [her temper flashing up for a moment again] He is a 
 better man than you. 
 
 charteris [humbly] I grant you that, my dear. 
 
 julia {impetuously] Dont call me your dear. And what 
 do you mean by saying that I shall make him unhappy ? 
 Am I not good enough for him ? 
 
 charteris [dubiously] Well, that depends on what you 
 mean by good enough. 
 
 julia [earnestly] You might have made me good if you 
 had chosen to. You had a great power over me. I was 
 like a child in your hands ; and you knew it. 
 
 charteris [with comic acquiescence] Yes, my dear. That 
 means that whenever you got jealous and flew into a tear- 
 ing rage, I could always depend on its ending happily 
 if I only waited long enough, and petted you very hard all 
 the time. When you had had your fling, and called the 
 object of your jealousy every name you could lay your 
 tongue to, and abused me to your heart's content for a 
 couple of hours, then the reaction would come ; and you 
 would at last subside into a soothing rapture of affection 
 which gave you a sensation of being angelically good and 
 forgiving. Oh, I know that sort of goodness ! You may 
 have thought on these occasions that I was bringing out 
 your latent amiability ; but I thought you were bringing 
 out mine, and using up rather more than your fair share of it. 
 
Act IV The Philanderer 147 
 
 julia. According to you, then, I have no good in me. 
 I am an utterly vile, worthless woman. Is that it ? 
 
 charteris. Yes, if you are to be judged as you judge 
 others. From the conventional point of view, theres 
 nothing to be said for you, Julia nothing. Thats why 
 I have to find some other point of view to save my self- 
 respect when I remember how I have loved you. Oh, 
 what I have learnt from you ! from you, who could 
 learn nothing from me ! I made a fool of you ; and you 
 brought me wisdom : I broke your heart ; and you brought 
 me joy : I made you curse your womanhood ; and you 
 revealed my manhood to me. Blessings for ever and ever 
 on my Julia's name ! [With genuine emotion , be takes her 
 hand to kiss it again], 
 
 julia [snatching her hand away in disgust] Oh stop talk- 
 ing that nasty sneering stuff. 
 
 charteris [laughingly appealing to the heavens] She calls 
 it nasty sneering stuff ! Well, well : I'll never talk like 
 that to you again, dearest. It only means that you are a 
 beautiful woman, and that we all love you. 
 
 julia. Dont say that : I hate it. It sounds as if I were 
 a mere animal. 
 
 charteris. H111 ! A fine animal is a very wonderful 
 thing. Dont let us disparage animals, Julia. 
 
 julia. That is what you really think me. 
 
 charteris. Come, Julia : you dont expect me to admire 
 you for your moral qualities, do you ? [She turns and looks 
 hard at him. He starts up apprehensively and backs away 
 from her. She rises and follows him up slowly and intently], 
 
 julia [deliberately] I have seen you very much infatuated 
 with this depraved creature who has no moral qualities. 
 
 charteris [retreating] Keep off, Julia. Remember 
 your new obligations to Paramore. 
 
 julia [overtaking him in the middle of the room] Never 
 mind Paramore : that is my business. [She grasps the 
 lappels of his coat in her hands, and looks fixedly at him]. Oh, 
 if the people you talk so cleverly to could only know you 
 
148 
 
 The Philanderer Act IV 
 
 as I know you ! Sometimes I wonder at myself for ever 
 caring for you. 
 
 charteris [beaming at her] Only sometimes ? 
 
 julia. You fraud ! You humbug ! You miserable little 
 plaster saint ! [He looks delight ed\ Oh ! [In a paroxysm 
 half of rage, half of tenderness, she shakes him, growling over 
 him like a tigress over her cub. Paramore and Craven at 
 this moment return from the consulting room, and are thunder- 
 struck at the spectacle], 
 
 craven [shouting, utterly scandalized] Julia ! ! [Julia 
 releases Charteris, but stands her ground disdainfully as they 
 come forward, Craven on her left, Paramore on her right], 
 
 paramore. Whats the matter ? 
 
 charteris. Nothing, nothing. Youl) soon get used to 
 this, Paramore. 
 
 craven. Now really, Julia, this is a very extraordinary 
 way to behave. It's not fair to Paramore. 
 
 julia [coldly] If Dr Paramore objects, he can break off 
 our engagement. [To Paramore] Pray dont hesitate. 
 
 paramore [looking doubtfully and anxiously at her] Do you 
 wish me to break it off? 
 
 charteris [alarmed] Nonsense ! dont act so hastily. 
 It was my fault. I annoyed Miss Craven insulted her. 
 Hang it all, dont go and spoil everything like this. 
 
 craven. This is most infernally perplexing. I cant 
 believe that you insulted Julia, Charteris. Ive no doubt 
 you annoyed her youd annoy anybody : upon my soul 
 you would but insult ! now what do you mean 
 by that ? 
 
 paramore [very earnestly] Miss Craven : in all delicacy 
 and sincerity I ask you to be frank with me. What are 
 the relations between you and Charteris ? 
 
 julia. Ask him. [She goes to the fi replace, turning her 
 back on them], 
 
 charteris. Certainly : I'll confess. I'm in love with 
 Miss Craven always have been ; and Ive persecuted 
 her with my addresses ever since I knew her. It's been 
 
Act IV The Philanderer 149 
 
 no use : she utterly despises me. A moment ago the 
 spectacle of a rivaPs happiness stung me to make a nasty 
 sneering speech ; and she well, she just shook me a 
 little, as you saw. 
 
 paramore [chivalrously] I shall never forget that you 
 helped me to win her, Charteris. [Julia turns quickly, a 
 spasm of fury in her face]. 
 
 charteris. Sh ! For Heaven's sake dont mention it. 
 
 craven. This is a very different story to the one you 
 told Cuthbertson and myself this morning. Youll excuse 
 my saying that it sounds much more like the truth. Come : 
 you were humbugging us, werent you ? 
 
 charteris. Ask Julia. [Paramore and Craven turn to 
 Julia, Charteris remains doggedly looking straight before 
 him], 
 
 julia. It's quite true. He has been in love with me ; 
 he has persecuted me ; and I utterly despise him. 
 
 craven. Dont rub it in, Julia : it's not kind. No man 
 is quite himself when he's crossed in love. [To Charteris] 
 Now listen to me, Charteris. When I was a young fellow, 
 Cuthbertson and I fell in love with the same woman. She 
 preferred Cuthbertson. I was taken aback : I wont deny 
 it. But I knew my duty ; and I did it. I gave her up 
 and wished Cuthbertson joy. He told me this morning, 
 when we met after many years, that he has respected and 
 liked me ever since for it. And I believe him and feel the 
 better for it. [Impressively] Now, Charteris : Paramore and 
 you stand to-day where Cuthbertson and I stood on a 
 certain July evening thirty-five years ago. How are you 
 going to take it ? 
 
 julia [indignantly] How is he going to take it, indeed ! 
 Really, papa, this is too much. If Mrs Cuthbertson 
 wouldnt have you, it may have been very noble of you to 
 make a virtue of giving her up, just as you made a virtue 
 of being a teetotaller when Percy cut off your wine. But 
 he shant be virtuous over me. I have refused him ; and 
 if he doesnt like it he can he can 
 
150 The Philanderer Act IV 
 
 charteris. I can lump it. Precisely. Craven : you 
 can depend on me. I'll lump it. [He moves off non- 
 chalantly >, and leans against the bookcase with his hands in his 
 pockets']. 
 
 craven [hurt] Julia : you dont treat me respectfully. I 
 dont wish to complain ; but that was not a becoming 
 speech. 
 
 julia [bursting i?ito tears and throwing herself into the 
 large chair] Is there anyone in the world who has any 
 feeling for me who does not think me utterly vile ? 
 [Craven and Par amor e hurry to her in the greatest consterna- 
 tion], 
 
 craven [remorsefully] My pet : I didnt for a moment 
 mean 
 
 julia. Must I stand to be bargained for by two men 
 passed from one to the other like a slave in the market, and 
 not say a word in my own defence ? 
 
 craven. But, my love 
 
 julia. Oh go away, all of you. Leave me. I oh 
 [she gives way to a passion of tears], 
 
 paramore [reproachfully to Craven] Youve wounded her 
 cruelly, Colonel Craven cruelly. 
 
 craven. But I didnt mean to : I said nothing. Char- 
 teris : was I harsh ? 
 
 charteris. You forget the revolt of the daughters, 
 Craven. And you certainly wouldnt have gone on 
 like that to any grown up woman who was not your 
 daughter. 
 
 craven. Do you mean to say that I am expected to treat 
 my daughter the same as I would any other girl ? 
 
 paramore. I should say certainly, Colonel Craven. 
 
 craven. Well, dash me if I will. There ! 
 
 paramore. If you take that tone, I have nothing more 
 to say. [He crosses the room with offended dignity ', and posts 
 himself with his back to the bookcase beside Charteris], 
 
 julia [with a sob] Daddy. 
 
 craven [turning solicitously to her] Yes, my love. 
 
Act IV The Philanderer 1 5 1 
 
 julia {looking up at him tearfully and kissing his hand] 
 Dont mind them. You didnt mean it, Daddy, did 
 you ? 
 
 craven. No, no, my precious. Come : dont cry. 
 
 paramore [to Charteris, looking at Julia with delight] 
 How beautiful she is ! 
 
 charteris [throwing up his hands'] Oh, Lord help you, 
 Paramore ! [He leaves the bookcase and sits at the end of 
 the couch farthest from the fire. Meanwhile Sylvia arrives], 
 
 sylvia [contemplating Julia] Crying again ! Well, you 
 are a womanly one ! 
 
 craven. Dont worry your sister, Sylvia. You know she 
 cant bear it. 
 
 sylvia. I speak for her good, Dad. All the world cant 
 be expected to know that she's the family baby. 
 
 julia. You will get your ears boxed presently, Silly. 
 
 craven. Now, now, now, my dear children, really now ! 
 Come, Julia : put up your handkerchief before Mrs Tran- 
 field sees you. She's coming along with Jo. 
 
 julia [rising] That woman again ! 
 
 sylvia. Another row ! Go it, Julia ! 
 
 craven. Hold your tongue, Sylvia. [He turns command- 
 ingly to Julia], Now look here, Julia. 
 
 charteris. Hallo ! A revolt of the fathers ! 
 
 craven. Silence, Charteris. [To Julia, unanswerably] 
 The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they be- 
 have in a quarrel. Anybody can behave well when things 
 are going smoothly. Now you said to-day, at that iniquit- 
 ous club, that you were not a womanly woman. Very 
 well : I dont mind. But if you are not going to behave 
 like a lady when Mrs Tranfield comes into this room, 
 youve got to behave like a gentleman; or fond as I am 
 of you, I'll cut you dead exactly as I would if you were 
 my son. 
 
 paramore [remonstrating] Colonel Craven 
 
 craven [cutting him short] Dont be a fool, Paramore. 
 
 julia [tearfully excusing herself] I'm sure, Daddy 
 
152 The Philanderer Act IV 
 
 craven. Stop snivelling. I'm not speaking as your 
 Daddy now : Fm speaking as your commanding officer. 
 
 sylvia. Good old Victoria Cross ! [Craven turns sharply 
 on her ; and she darts away behind Charteris, and presently 
 seats herself on the couch, so that she and Charteris are shoulder 
 to shoulder, facing opposite ways. Cuthbertson arrives with 
 Grace, who remains near the door whilst her father joins the 
 others], 
 
 craven. Ah, Jo, here you are. Now, Paramore : tell 
 em the news. 
 
 paramore. Mrs Tranfield Cuthbertson allow me 
 to introduce you to my future wife. 
 
 cuthbertson [coming forward to shake hands with Para- 
 more] My heartiest congratulations ! [Paramore goes to 
 shake hands with Grace], Miss Craven : you will accept 
 Grace's congratulations as well as mine, I hope. 
 
 craven. She will, Jo. [In a tone of command] Now, 
 Julia. [Julia slowly rises], 
 
 cuthbertson. Now, Grace. [He conducts her to Julia's 
 right ; then posts himself on the hearthrug, with his back to 
 the fire, watching them. The Colonel keeps guard on the other 
 side], 
 
 grace [speaking in a low voice to Julia alone] So you 
 have shewn him that you can do without him ! Now I 
 take back everything I said. Will you shake hands with 
 me ? [Julia gives her hand painfully, with her face averted]. 
 They think this a happy ending, Julia these men 
 our lords and masters ! [The two stand silent hand in 
 hand]. 
 
 sylvia [leaning back across the couch, aside to Charteris] 
 Has she really chucked you ? [He nods assent. She looks 
 at him dubiously, and adds] I expect you chucked her. 
 
 cuthbertson. And now, Paramore, mind you dont stand 
 any chaff from Charteris about this. He's in the same 
 predicament himself. He's engaged to Grace. 
 
 julia [dropping Grace's hand, and speaking with breathless 
 anguish, but not violently] Again ! 
 
Act IV The Philanderer 153 
 
 charteris [rising hastily'] Dont be alarmed. It's all 
 off. 
 
 sylvia [rising indignantly] What ! Youve chucked 
 Grace too ! What a shame ! [She goes to the other side of 
 the room, fuming], 
 
 charteris [following her and putting his hand soothingly 
 on her shoulder] She wont have me, old chap that is 
 [turning to the others] unless Mrs Tranfield has changed her 
 mind again, 
 
 grace. No : we shall remain very good friends, I hope ; 
 but nothing would induce me to marry you. [She takes the 
 chair above the fireplace and sits down with perfect composure], 
 
 julia. Ah ! [She sits down with a great sigh of 
 relief], 
 
 sylvia [consoling Charteris] Poor old Leonard ! 
 
 charteris. Yes : this is the doom of the philanderer. 
 I shall have to go on philandering now all my life. No 
 domesticity, no fireside, no little ones, nothing at all in 
 Cuthbertson's line ! Nobody will marry me unless 
 you, Sylvia eh ? 
 
 sylvia. Not if I know it, Charteris. 
 
 charteris [to them all] You see ! 
 
 craven [coming between Charteris and Sylvia] Now you 
 really shouldnt make a jest of these things : upon my life 
 and soul you shouldnt, Charteris. 
 
 cuthbertson [on the hearthrug] The only use he can 
 find for sacred things is to make a jest of them. Thats 
 the New Order. Thank Heaven, we belong to the Old 
 Order, Dan ! 
 
 charteris. Cuthbertson : dont be symbolic. 
 
 cuthbertson [outraged] Symbolic ! That is an accusa- 
 tion of Ibsenism. What do you mean ? 
 
 charteris. Symbolic of the Old Order. Dont per- 
 suade yourself that you represent the Old Order. There 
 never was any Old Order. 
 
 craven. There I flatly contradict you and stand up for 
 Jo. I'd no more have behaved as you do when I was a 
 
154 The Philanderer Act IV 
 
 young man than I'd have cheated at cards. / belong to 
 the Old Order. 
 
 charteris. Youre getting old, Craven ; and you want 
 to make a merit of it, as usual. 
 
 craven. Come now, Charteris : youre not offended, I 
 hope. [With a conciliatory outburst} Well, perhaps I 
 shouldnt have said that about cheating at cards. I with- 
 draw it {offering his hand\ 
 
 charteris [taking Craven's hand] No offence, my dear 
 Craven : none in the world. I didnt mean to shew any 
 temper. But [aside 9 after looking round to see whether the 
 others are listening] only just consider ! the spectacle of 
 a rival's happiness ! 
 
 craven [aloud, decisively] Charteris : now youve got to 
 behave like a man. Your duty's plain before you. [To 
 Cuthbertson] Am I right, Jo ? 
 
 cuthbertson [firmly] You are, Dan. 
 
 craven [to Charteris] Go straight up and congratulate 
 Julia. And do it like a gentleman, smiling. 
 
 charteris. Colonel : I will. Not a muscle shall be- 
 tray the conflict within. 
 
 craven. Julia : Charteris has not congratulated you yet. 
 He's coming to do it. [Julia rises and fixes a dangerous 
 look on Charteris], 
 
 sylvia [whispering quickly behind Charteris as he is about 
 to advance] Take care. She's going to hit you. I know 
 her. [Charteris stops and looks cautiously at Julia, tneasur- 
 ing the situation. They regard one another steadfastly for a 
 moment, Grace softly rises and gets close to Julia], 
 
 charteris [whispering over his shoulder to Sylvia] I'll 
 chance it. [He walks confidently up to Julia], Julia? [He 
 proffers his hand], 
 
 julia [exhausted, allowing herself to take it] You are 
 right. I am a worthless woman. 
 
 charteris [triumphant, and gaily remonstrating] Oh, 
 why ? 
 
 julia. Because I am not brave enough to kill you. 
 
Act IV The Philanderer 155 
 
 grace [taking her in her arms as she sinks, almost fainting, 
 away from him] Oh no. Never make a hero of a phil- 
 anderer. [Charteris, amused and untouched, shakes his head 
 laughingly. The rest look at Julia with concern, and even a 
 little awe^ feeling for thefrst time the presence of a keen sorrow]. 
 
PLAY S 
 
 GEORGE BERNARD SHAW 
 
 I. WIDOWER'S HOUSES 
 II. THE PHILANDERER 
 ill. MRS. WARREN'S PROFESSION 
 IV. ARMS AND THE MAN 
 V. CANDIDA 
 
 VI THE MAN OF DESTINY 
 VII. YOO NEVER CAN TELL 
 VIII, THE DEVIL'S DISCIPLE 
 IX. CESAR AND CLEOPATRA 
 X. CAPTAIN BRASSBOUND'S CONVERSION 
 
 Bound in Stiff Piper Wrapper, 1*. 64. met each; 
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 MAN AND SUPERMAN 
 
 A Comedy and a Philosophy 
 
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