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 ''Take my money but leave my book'
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS
 
 ''^/i^^/p7/^^^^ ci(g^^7?i^jMel^7m^
 
 Cftrietatis Cncomium 
 
 OR 
 
 The Praise of Drunkenness 
 
 REPRINTED FROM THE SCARCE 
 LONDON EDITION OF 1723 
 
 PRIVATELY PRINTED 
 NEW YORK I9I0
 
 FIVE HUNDRED COPIES OF THIS 
 EDITION HAVE BEEN PRINTED 
 AND THE TYPE DISTRIBUTED 
 
 THE TORCH PRESS 
 
 CEDAR RAPIDS 
 
 IOWA
 
 (Original Title-Page in Fac-Simile) 
 
 &>xUtatiS Encomium t 
 
 OR, THE 
 
 op 
 
 WHEREfN 
 
 If authentically, and most evidently proved, tbfi NicesiWV of 
 frequently getting Drukk ; and, that the VtiAtnct of get^ 
 Cing PxtJNX is most Antient, PamtTivE, and Catuouc. 
 
 CONFIRMED 
 
 fiy the l^tamT^Uot jffeathens, Turkt, Infldets, Pritnitwe Chrit*- 
 tians, Saints, Popes, SUkops, Doctors, Philosophers, Poets,- 
 Free Masons, and other Men of Learning in all Ages. 
 
 fiy 
 BONIFACE OINOPHILUS, 
 
 de Monte Fiascone, a. b. c. 
 
 Vimim Iteiificans Cor hominis. 
 
 Narratur S( Prisci Catonis, 
 
 S(epe Mero caluisse virtus, HOBAt» 
 
 EontJon : 
 
 PatKTU for E. CURL, against Cathebike Srtict^ 
 
 IN THE STRAND. 1723. 
 
 [Prke Five Shiltiiigs.] 
 
 P(s/
 
 EDITOR'S PREFACE 
 
 Homer wrote of no more weighty subject 
 than of a war between the Frogs and Mice ; 
 Virgil of a Gnat and a Pudding ; Ovid of a 
 Nut; and Lucian and Apuleius told the 
 story of an Ass. May this trifle drown the 
 cares and anxieties of the reader like a flask 
 of old Falernian and thus serve to verify 
 the claim of Erasmus that this is the chief 
 property of Bacchus. 
 
 This reprint of a most rare and curious 
 panegyric by some unknown Oxford or 
 Cambridge four-bottle don owes its appear- 
 ance to the desire of a booklover to double 
 his joy by sharing a treasure with others 
 
 of like mind. 
 
 Lewis M. Thompson 
 
 New York 
 
 October 1, 1910
 
 AUTHOR'S PREFACE 
 
 IP ever Preface might serve for an Apology, 
 certainly this ought to do so. The bare title of 
 the Book is enough to have it universally cried 
 down, and to give the world an ill opinion of its 
 Author ; for people will not be backward to say, 
 that he who writes the Praise op Drunkenness 
 must be a Drunkard by Profession; and who, by 
 discoursing on such a subject, did nothing but 
 what was in his own Trade, and resolve not to 
 move out of his own sphere, not unlike Baldwin, 
 a Shoemaker's Son (and a Shoemaker) in the 
 Days of Yore, who published a Treatise on the 
 Shoes of the Antients, having a firm resolution 
 strictly to observe this precept, Ne sutor ultra 
 Crepidam. 
 
 To this I answer, I am very well contented 
 that the World should believe me a Drunkard 
 as Erasmus, who wrote The Praise op Folly, 
 was a Fool, and weigh me in the same Balance. 
 
 But some will say, what good can a Man pro- 
 pose to himself in being a Panegyrist por Drun- 
 kenness? To solve this difficulty I shall make 
 use of a comparison. 
 
 M, Pelisson, in his History of the French 
 Academy, says, that Menage did not compose 
 that famous Requete des Dictionnaires, in which
 
 he ridicules all the Academicks, on account of 
 any aversion he had to them, but purely to divert 
 himself, and not to lose the witty turns that 
 came into his head upon that subject. In the 
 same manner, I declare that I did not undertake 
 this Work on account of any zeal I have for 
 Wine, you must think, but only to divert my- 
 self, and not to lose a great many curious re- 
 marks I have made on this most Catholic Liquid. 
 It may farther be objected that this Work is 
 so stuffed with Quotations, that they hinder the 
 Book itself from being seen; like what I heard 
 say of a Country Felloiv, who complained when 
 he left Londo7i, that he could not see it for the 
 Houses. As an excuse for all the others, I shall 
 make use of one Quotation more, and this I 
 shall borrow from M. Bayle. * ' ' There is no 
 ' ' room to doubt, ' ' says he, * ' but some readers will 
 "judge, that there are a little too many Quota- 
 ' ' tions in this work, which is no less a disorder, 
 " they will say, than what happens in some 
 '* Cities, where the Strangers are more numer- 
 " ous than the Citizens. But of what impor- 
 ' ' tance is it to travellers, that such disorder ap- 
 " pears in any Country, provided they find in 
 ' ' it honest Folks. There is no reason why read- 
 " ing may not be compared to traveling. We 
 " should therefore be very little concerned, 
 " whether, according to the ancient Country 
 " frugality, we are entertained with what is of 
 
 Pref. dea Rep. aux Quest, d'un Pr. T. 1.
 
 ' its proper growth; or, if instead of the Flesh 
 ' of domestic Animals, and the Fruits of our 
 ' own Vineyards and Gardens, we are served 
 ' with what comes from the Market. That 
 ' which really is of consequence, is, that the 
 ' 31 eat be wholesome and well dressed, and the 
 ' Wine good, &c. Unde haheat qumrat nemo 
 ' sufficit habere." 
 
 As to the rest, I am very far from the senti- 
 ments of a certain writer, who having found in 
 his Book one fault only consulted one of his 
 friends, whether he should put down Errata or 
 Erratum. For my part, I subscribe with all 
 my heart to the Errata of Benserade, and in his 
 words frankly own, that altho' 
 
 Pour moi parmi des fautes innombrahles 
 Je n'en connois que deux considerables 
 Et dont je fais ma declaration 
 C'est Ventreprise & V execution 
 A ynon avis fautes irreparables. 
 
 En ce Volume. 
 
 Tho num 'rous Faults I see in this small Book, 
 (And so may any one that will but look.) 
 I know but two of much consideration. 
 Of which I here make public declaration, 
 The Undertaking and the Execution, 
 Faults too extravagant for Absolution.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAP. I. 
 THAT one must be Merry, Page 1 
 
 CHAP. II. 
 
 That Wine drives away Sorrow and excites Mirth, 
 
 14 
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 That it is good for one's health to get drunk some- 
 times, 26 
 
 CHAP. IV 
 
 That old People ought to get Drunk sometimes, 31 
 
 CHAP. V. 
 That Wine creates Wit, 34 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 That Wine makes one Eloquent, 42
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 That Wine acquires Friends and reconciles Ene- 
 mies, 45 
 CHAP. VIII. 
 
 That the custom of getting Drunk is most antient, 
 
 48 
 
 CHAP. IX. 
 
 That the Primitive Christians got Drunk, 52 
 
 CHAP. X. 
 Of Church Men, 56 
 
 CHAP. XL 
 
 Of Popes, Saints, and Bishops, that used to get 
 Drunk, 62 
 
 CHAP. XII. 
 
 A Catalogue of some Illustrious Topers, 67 
 
 CHAP. XIII. 
 Of Philosophers that used to get Drunk, 72 
 
 CHAP. XIV 
 Of Poets that used to get Drunk, 78 
 
 CHAP. XV. 
 
 Of Free Masons, and other learned Men that used 
 to get Drunk, 81
 
 CONTENTS 
 CHAP. XVI 
 
 Of Nations that used to get Drunk, 95 
 
 CHAP. XVII. 
 Of the Drunkenness of the Germans, 101 
 
 CHAP. XVIII 
 
 Of Nations that get Drunk with certain Liquors, 
 
 109 
 
 CHAP. XIX. 
 
 Other Considerations in favour of Drunkenness, 
 
 114 
 
 CHAP. XX. 
 
 An Answer to the Objection, That Drunkenness 
 causes Infinite Evils, 118 
 
 CHAP. XXI. 
 
 An Answer to the Objection, that the Mirth which 
 Wine inspires is Chimerical, 121 
 
 CHAP. XXII. 
 
 An Answer to the Objection, That one loses one's 
 Reason in getting Drunk, 129 
 
 CHAP. XXIII. 
 
 An Answer to the Objection, That one cannot 
 trust a Man that gets Drunk, 137
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAP. XXIV. 
 
 An Answer to the objection, That Drunkenness 
 makes one uncapable of performing the Duties 
 of Civil Life, 139 
 
 CHAP. XXV. 
 
 Burlesque, ridiculous, and out-of-the-way- 
 thoughts against Drunkenness, 143 
 
 CHAP. XXVI. 
 
 A ridiculous aversion of some people to Wine, 145 
 
 CHAP. XXVII. 
 Rigorous Laws against Drunkenness, 149 
 
 CHAP. XXVIII. 
 
 Rules to be observed in getting Drunk. I. Not 
 too often. II. In good Company, 153 
 
 CHAP. XXIX. 
 
 Third Rule, With good Wine, 155 
 
 CHAP. XXX. 
 Fourth Rule, At convenient Times, 160 
 
 CHAP. XXXI. 
 Fifth Rule, To force no one to drink, 163 
 
 CHAP. XXXII. 
 
 Sixth Rule, Not to push Drunkenness too far, 166 
 Postscript, 174
 
 THE 
 
 PRAISE 
 
 OF 
 
 DRUNKENNESS 
 
 CHAP. I. 
 
 That One must he Merry. 
 
 IF on one hand I have reason to fear, that 
 the title of this Book will offend the deli- 
 cate ears of a great many, and make them say, 
 that no vice ever wanted its advocate, Nulla 
 vitio unquam defuit advocatus. I am not per- 
 haps, less exposed on the other, to the criti- 
 cisms of as many folks, who will probably apply 
 to me, that which was said heretofore to one in 
 Lacedemonia, who had a mind to make an en- 
 comium on Hercules, viz. Who ever blamed 
 Hercules? 
 
 Quis Hcrculem vitupcravii? 
 
 HoAvever, though I should have no Readers 
 at all, yet am I resolved to continue my dis-
 
 2 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 course at the Hazard, in a manner, of imitat- 
 ing Pyrrho the Philosopher, who one day as 
 he was haranguing the people, seeing himself 
 abandoned by all his auditors, pursued very 
 magnanimously his declamation to the end. 
 To enter, therefore, upon the present subject, 
 I lay down this as my first position, viz. That 
 it is lawful to get dnmh sometimes. Which I 
 prove thus. 
 
 Sadness is in the highest degree, prejudicial 
 to health, and causes abundance of distempers. 
 There is no one ig-norant of this truth. Joy 
 (or mirth) on the contrary, prevents and forces 
 them away. * It is, as the Arabians say, the 
 Flower and Spirit of a brisk and lively Health. 
 Let us run over, and examine all the different 
 states of life, and we shall be forced to own, 
 that there is not one of them all, but what is 
 subject to Chagrin and sadness; and, conse- 
 quently, that joy, or mirth, is most necessary 
 to Men. AYhich very probably the Philoso- 
 pher had in his head, when he defined man a 
 Risible Animal. But be that as it will, one 
 must certainly look upon that maxim which re- 
 commends mingling of pleasures with the affairs 
 of life, as a very wise one. 
 
 * EUe est, comine disent les Arabes, la Fleur & 1 'Esprit 
 de la Sante vive & remuante.
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 3 
 
 *o 
 
 Sometimes with Mirth and Pleasure lard your 
 
 Cares. 
 
 We shall confirm this precept by a beautiful 
 passage out of Seneca, whose writings most cer- 
 tainly contain no loose morality, and which is 
 as follows. " The soul must not be always 
 ' ' bent : one must sometimes allow it a little plea- 
 " sure. Socrates was not ashamed to pass the 
 " time with children. Cato enjoyed himself in 
 " drinking plentifully, when his mind had been 
 " too much wearied out in ]nib1ick atfairs. Scipio 
 " knew very well how to move that body, so 
 " much inured to wars and triumphs, without 
 " breaking it, as some now-a-days do, with 
 " more than womanly pleasures; but as people 
 " did in past times, who would make themselves 
 " merry on their festivals, by leading a dance, 
 " really worthy men of those days, whence 
 " could ensue no reproach, when even their 
 " very enemies had seen them dance. One 
 " must allow the mind some Recreation: It 
 " makes it more gay and peaceful. And as it 
 " is not good too much to cultivate soil the 
 " most fertile; least, by yielding too large crops, 
 " it may soon run to decay and ruin: So in 
 " the same manner is the mind broken by a 
 " continued labour and application. Those 
 
 * Interpone tuis interdum gaudia curis.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 who respite a little, regain their strength.— 
 Assiduity of labour begets a languor and 
 bluntness of the mind: for sleep is very ne- 
 cessary to refresh us, and yet he that would 
 do nothing else but sleep night and day, would 
 be a dead man and no more. There is a 
 great deal of difference between loosening a 
 thing, and quite unravelling it. Those who 
 made laws have instituted holy-days, to oblige 
 people to appear at publick rejoicing, in or- 
 der to mingle wath their cares, a necessary 
 ' temperament. There have been several very 
 ' great men (as I have mentioned) who would 
 ' set apart certain days of the month for that 
 ' end, and some others, who had every day set 
 ' hours for work, and other set hours for re- 
 
 ' creation. One must therefore alloiv the 
 
 ' Mind some Recreation. One must allow it 
 ' some repose and leisure, which may serve for 
 ' new strength and nourishment. You must 
 ' sometimes w^alk in the open air, that the mind 
 ' may exalt itself by viewing the heavens, and 
 ' breathing the air at your ease; sometimes 
 ' take the air in your Chariot, the roads and 
 ' the change of the country, will re-establish 
 ' you in your vigour : or you may eat and drink 
 ' a little more plentifully than usual. Some- 
 • ' times one must go even as far as to get drunk ; 
 ■' not, indeed, with an intention to drown our- 
 " selves in wine, but to drown our cares. For
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 5 
 
 " wine drives away sorrow and care, and goes 
 " and fetches them up from the bottom of the 
 " soul. And as drunkenness cures some dis- 
 " tempers, so, in like manner, it is a sovereign 
 " remedy for our sorrows.* 
 
 It must be confessed indeed, that properly 
 speaking, this passage of Seneca is levelled 
 only against too great assiduity in labour and 
 business; the application, however, is very just 
 in relation to Chagrin, which causes in mens 
 minds, a far greater alteration than can be ex- 
 cited by the most rude labour either of mind or 
 body. 
 
 The Ancients had besides this, another motive 
 which induced them to make merry, and pass 
 their time agreeably. They considered the short 
 duration of their life, and for that reason endea- 
 voured to make the best use of it they could.— 
 It will be no difficult matter for me to prove 
 what I here advance. 
 
 Every one knows that the Egyptians made 
 use of a very extraordinary custom in their fes- 
 tivals. They shewed to every guest a skeleton: 
 This, according to some, was to make them 
 think of death. Others again assure us, ''That 
 " this strange figure was made use of to a quite 
 " contrary end: that this image of death was 
 ' ' shewn for no other intent, but to excite them 
 
 • Seneca de Tranquilitate.
 
 6 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 ' to pass away their life merrily, and to employ 
 ' the few days of its small duration to the best 
 'advantage; as having no other condition to 
 'expect .after death, but that of this frightful 
 ' skeleton.* 
 
 This last sentiment is without doubt, most 
 probable ; for what likelyhood is there that peo- 
 ple would make reflections the most sad and 
 serious, at a time when they proposed only to di- 
 vert, and make themselves merry. This influence 
 had the sight of a skull upon the mind of Trimal- 
 chion, who, {Petroniusf tells us,) thus expressed 
 himself on that object. ' ' Alas ! Alas ! wretch- 
 ed that we are ! what a nothing is poor man I 
 we shall be all like this, when fate shall have 
 snatched us hence. Let us therefore rejoyce, 
 and be merry while we are here. The La fin 
 is much stronger. 
 
 Heu! Heu! nos miseros! quan totus homuncio 
 
 nil est, 
 Sic erinius cuiicti, postgnam nos auferet Orcus. 
 Ergo vivamus, dum licit esse, hene. 
 
 A little before, he said almost the same thing. 
 " Alas! Wine therefore lives longer than man, 
 " let us then sit down and drink bumpers; life 
 " and wine are the same thing. Heu! Hen! 
 
 * Histoire de Sept Sages, &e. p. 137. 
 -jChap. 34.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 7 
 
 ergo diutius vivit vinum, quam homuncio. Quare 
 Tangcmienas faciamus, vita vinum est. This puts 
 me in mind of what Athenceus* reports of an 
 Egyptian, caled Mycernius. This man having 
 been told by an oracle, that he had but a very 
 short time to live, resolved to make the most of 
 that short space, and to that end did nothing 
 but drink, night and day. 
 
 This thought of an approaching death, is not 
 so importunate as is believed, since it is, says 
 anf anonymous Frendi author, a principal 
 beauty of an ancient hymn of the Poet Cecilius. 
 " Let me he assured, says he, that I shall live six 
 " months, and I shall employ them so well, as to 
 " dye the seventh ivithoiit any regret in the 
 "' World." 
 
 The same author goes on thus, " The mo- 
 " derns have not failed imitating the elegant 
 " flights of the fine wits of the ancient Greeks 
 " and Romans. I find, especially, that the 
 "Italians come nearer to them; perhaps be- 
 " cause they are more proper than others, to 
 " refine on pleasure. This is the character of 
 '' the nation, of the truth of which I shall give 
 " no other proof than the last lines of an elegy, 
 " written by Sannazarius, a Neapolitan Gentle- 
 
 *Lib. 10, cap. 10. 
 
 t Reflex, sur les Morts plais. p. 22.
 
 8 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " man." The sense of which in Efiglish, runs 
 thus:— 
 
 Since vig'rous youth, all blooming, brisk, 
 
 and gay, 
 Excites our tender souls to sport and play, 
 Let 's taste ambrosial pleasures whilst we 
 
 may. 
 
 Those joys to which our souls are most inclin'd. 
 And suit the throbbing passions of the mind. 
 Let's love while soft eestatick fires engage, 
 And shew us lovers on the World's great 
 
 Stage, 
 
 Dull reason only suits with frightful Age. 
 And see, she comes, for ever to destroy. 
 For ever all our bliss, and all our joy. 
 Unwelcome age comes on with swiftest pace; 
 Tjet's then prevent this wretched sad disgrace. 
 may the terrors of approaching fate. 
 Excite new fires, inspire fresh vig'rous heat; 
 That love may sov 'reign reign in ev'ry part. 
 And drive unworthy weakness from our heart. 
 Thrice happy, if surpriz'd by death one day, 
 Absorpt in sweetest bliss we die away. 
 
 But to return to my subject. We are told for 
 certain, that the Scythians used to drink out of 
 a skull ; and probably they had the same design 
 in doing so, as the Egyptians had in looking on 
 their skeletons. But leaving these objects, which 
 cannot be very diverting, in what view soever
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 9 
 
 one may consider them, let us come to the Bo- 
 mans. Gruter tells us in his inscriptions,* that 
 they used to cry out at their feasts, 
 
 Amici, Dum vivimus, Vivamus. 
 
 That is, Friends, while we live, let us he merry. 
 For Baderus has evidently made it appear, by 
 several examples out of Catullus, Cecilius, Varro, 
 Anacreon, and other antient authors, that vivcre, 
 or to live, signifies to make merry, to give one's 
 self up to all kinds of pleasures, making good 
 chear, &c. 
 
 I know not Avhether the Gascogns, who pro- 
 nouncing the V consonant like b, instead of 
 Vivis & regnas in secula seculorum, say (as I 
 have been infonned, how true it is I know not) 
 BiBis & regnas in secula seculorum, are of the 
 same sentiment with Baderus in this point: but 
 very probably that good honest German was, 
 who in a kind of ecstacy over a bottle, cry'd 
 out. 
 
 felices populi, quorum vivere est bibere ! 
 
 However, to prove this, as also at the same 
 time to confirm what has been said above, in 
 relation to the motives that induced people of 
 old times to make merry, I shall instance some 
 passages of the ancient. But first let us not 
 
 *P. 609.
 
 10 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 
 
 omit this inscription in Gruter* which is not 
 much unlike the former. 
 
 Vive, Hospes, Dum Licet, atque vale. 
 
 " Be merry, landlord, and enjoy yourself 
 " while 'tis in your power, as for the rest, 
 " adieu." 
 
 3Iartial says somewhere, be merry to-day, 
 depend not on to-morrow. 
 
 Sera nimis vita est crastina, vive hodie. 
 
 Catullus expresses much the same sentiments, 
 in these beautiful verses: 
 
 ^' Vivamus 
 
 " Bumoresq; scnum severiorum, 
 " Omnes uninus estimem s assis. 
 " Soles occidere d- redire ijossunt; 
 " Nobis cum semel occidit hrevis lux, 
 Nox est perpetua una dormienda. 
 
 tt 
 
 < ( 
 
 Let US be merry 
 
 " And all the rigid cant of peevish age, 
 ' ' Count as poor straws that on the surface 
 
 float. 
 ' ' The Sun may roll his swift diurnal course, 
 " And from the ocean raise again his head, 
 " But when our glimmering lamp of life's 
 
 expir'd, 
 
 * P. 699.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 11 
 
 " One long- perpetual Night we then must 
 sleep. 
 
 Horace, in several places, says how we ought 
 (aeeoiding to him) to employ to the best advan- 
 tage, the little time we have to live; but especi- 
 ally in one of his odes, which in English would 
 run thus. 
 
 I. 
 
 All things hereto invite. Come, come, away, 
 
 Let's seize the present hours, nor vainly care 
 
 For future time, but wisely, only fear 
 
 To lose of life, one short uncertain day, 
 
 Or moment, which in death must soon decay. 
 
 No human force can her strict laws withstand: 
 
 Her cruel rigour no one spares. 
 
 The blooming cheek, and hoary hairs. 
 
 Alike submit to her victorious hand. 
 
 O'er all she bears unbounded sway. 
 
 All, her impartial scythe relentless mows : 
 
 Th' ill-manner 'd tyranness, no difference shows^ 
 
 Betwixt Imperial and Plebeian clay. 
 
 II. 
 
 When we the dark and dismal beach 
 Of dreaded floods below shall reach, 
 And vain, cold phantoms quiv'ring stand, 
 In those sad gloomy shades of night, 
 No Cynihia's charms will then conunand.
 
 12 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Nor 7m with her angels voice delight; 
 Nor Doris with soft dying languors move. 
 These dreary realms exclude, alas! for ever 
 love. 
 
 III. 
 
 Nor are there any boon companions there, 
 To laugh, and sing, and make good chear; 
 There shall we taste no more, that wond'rous 
 
 juice, 
 That nectar which the blessed vines produce. 
 The height of all our joy, and wishes here. 
 Nor those sweet entertainments gay. 
 When by the glass inspir'd so many kings 
 We tope, and speak, and do heroic things. 
 And count ourselves more happy far than they 
 These days of ours, the fatal sisters spin. 
 To consecrate to love and wine. 
 Let's now, e'er 'tis too late begin. 
 Alas! without these pow'rs divine 
 What should one do, with a vain useless thread 1 
 What does it aught avail to breath and move? 
 One had as good be dead. 
 Much better be no more, than not to drink and 
 
 love. 
 
 I shall close this chapter with one of the Ana- 
 creontick odes of the famous Monsieur La 
 Motte, author of the Fahles Nouvelles, lately
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 13 
 
 translated into English under the title of Court 
 Fables. 
 
 " Buvrons, Amis, le terns s'enfuit, 
 " Menageons hien ce court espace. 
 " Peut-etre une eternelle nuit 
 Eteindra le jour qui se passe. 
 
 (( 
 
 < i 
 
 < I 
 
 " Peut-etre que Caron demain 
 
 '' Nous recevra tous dans sa Barque, 
 
 '' Saisissons un mojnent certain. 
 
 " C'est autant de pris sur la parque. 
 
 " A I'envi laissons-nous saisir, 
 
 " Aux transports d'une douce Yvresse: 
 
 " Qu'importe si c'est un plaisir, 
 
 " Que ce soit folic ou sag esse. 
 
 Let's drink, my friends, time flies away, 
 Let's husband well this little space; 
 For what we know, this very day 
 May to eternal night give place. 
 
 Let's snatch from fate one certain minute, 
 Perhaps to morrow Charon's wherry, 
 May every Mother's son take in it, 
 And waft us o'er the Stygian Ferry. 
 
 " In giddy transports without measure 
 " With wine let's drown all melancholy. 
 ' ' No matter, if it be a pleasure. 
 " Whether 'tis wisdom call'd, or Folly.
 
 CHAP. II. 
 
 That Wine dnves away Sorrow, and excites 
 
 Mirth. 
 
 OF all the means proper to drive away sor- 
 row, and excite mirth in the minds of 
 men, wine is certainly the most agreeable and 
 efficacious. 
 
 For in the first place, it banishes all manner 
 of cares, and makes us entirely forget them, pro- 
 ducing the same effect as the Avaters of the river 
 Lethe on those souls Avhich were destined to en- 
 ter into other bodies. 
 
 Animce quihns altera fato 
 
 Corpora dehentur, Lethei ad fluminis undam 
 Securos latices, & longa ohlivio potant.^ 
 
 Those souls which fate decrees 
 
 Shall other bodies take, upon the strand 
 Of Lethe sit, and drink secure the flood, 
 And long oblivion. 
 
 For the same reason, undoubtedly, Isidore 
 defined drunkenness a certain forgetfulness 
 caused in the mind, through indulgence of im- 
 moderate drinking. His words are these, Ehri- 
 
 * Virgil, ^neid. lib. 6, v. 713,
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 15 
 
 etas est per quam menti qumdam ohlivio gener- 
 iitur ex superfluorum potuum indulgentia* 
 
 A certain French Poetf sings thus much in 
 the same tune. 
 
 " Oui Thirsis c'est le vin qui nous fait rejeunir, 
 " Et qui hannit de nos pensees; 
 " Le regret de cJioses passees, 
 " Et le crainte de Vavenir. 
 
 Yes, Thirsis, 'tis the vine's prolific juice 
 Can youth and beauty re-produce, 
 
 Banish the sad regrret of former years, 
 And of futurity, the fears. 
 
 In the next place, wine is a sovereign remedy 
 against a particular species of sorrow or Cha- 
 grin, I mean a sort of inward wearisomeness, 
 which the French call Ennui. I shall explain 
 myself a little farther, and for my expositor I 
 cannot make choice of a fitter person than Mr. 
 de St. Evremond\\ who, after having discoursed 
 a little on this subject, adds, " That good cheer 
 " with ones friends, is a sovereign remedy 
 " against this kind of chagrin; for besides that, 
 " conversation at such times becomes more free 
 " and gay, it insensibly sweetens it. It is certain 
 
 * Lib. 3. Etymol. 
 
 f Kec. Poes. 
 
 II Miscel. Vol. 1.
 
 16 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 that wine rouses up the forces of nature, and 
 
 ■ gives our soul a vigour capable to drive away 
 ' all sorts of uneasiness. I know very well that 
 
 ■ certain morose people, at least externally so, 
 
 ■ and in appearance, will show great deal of 
 ' aversion for a remedy, the delights of which 
 ' they do not however, too much despise. But 
 ' all Grimace aside. I don't trouble myself 
 ' with their ill understood severities, since the 
 ' most severe Philosoper in the Avorld has ad- 
 ' vised us to make use of this remedy ; and the 
 ' most morose of our illustrious men have sub- 
 ' mitted, if we may say so, their most austere 
 ' virtues, to the charms of this sweet pleasure ; 
 ' and the most w^ell-bred people have not dis- 
 ' dained its usage." 
 
 In a word (I must speak a little French now 
 and then.) 
 
 * Le Vin fait que les annees, 
 
 Nous durent nioins que les journees. 
 
 Wine makes whole years to pass aw^ay, 
 And seem much shorter than one day. 
 
 But it does more than all this, it even as- 
 suages Choler; 'tis an admirable cataplasm for 
 rage. To cite a vast number of examples to 
 prove this important truth, would be superflu- 
 ous. Amongst the many illustrious ones I could 
 
 * Eec. de Poes.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 17 
 
 instance, I shall content myself to mention that 
 of the Emperor Maximin* who, having been 
 declared an enemy of the people of Rome, by 
 the Senate, fell into such a rage and fuiy, that 
 no other way could be thought on to bring him 
 back to his natural temper, than by making him 
 drunk. 
 
 But let us return to the two principal qualities 
 of wine, Avhich consist in driving away care and 
 sorrow, and exciting mirth and joy. 
 
 A certain French author f has a few verses on 
 this subject, which, as not mal a propos I shall 
 here insert. Talking of the good qualities of 
 wine, he says, 
 
 '' Tu sais, mou cher Tirsis, qu'il a le privilege 
 ** D'etouffer les ennuis dont I'aigreur nous 
 assiege. 
 
 " Et que cette liqueur chasse de nos esprits, 
 " Tons les facheux pensers dont nous sommes 
 
 surpris, 
 '' C'est ce qui nous oblige a clierir la houteille. 
 
 You know dear Thyrsis, and full well you know, 
 
 To wine this privilege we owe. 
 It stifles all those sad invading cares 
 
 Which irksome chagrin ever wears. 
 
 * Jul. Capit. Hist. Aug. Script. Fol. p. 359. 
 f Nicol Rec. de Vers. p. 44.
 
 18 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 
 
 This spriglitful liquid makes us brisk and gay, 
 
 And drives effectually away 
 Those thoughts vexatious, that surprize our soul, 
 
 And makes us cherish the full bowl. 
 
 Seneca, whom I have mentioned in the fore- 
 going Chapter, confirms what has been said. 
 Sometimes (says he) one must go even so far 
 as Drunkenness; not, indeed, that it may 
 drown us, but dro^vn our cares. For drunken- 
 ness washes away care, and moves the very 
 bottom of the soul. And as it is a sovereign 
 remedy against some distempers, so is it a 
 perfect cure for heaviness and sorrow." ISion- 
 nunquam usque ad ehrietatem veniendum, non 
 ut mergat nos, sed ut deprimat curas. Elnit 
 enim curas, cf* a& imo aninice movet, <& ut morhis 
 quihusdam, ita tristitio} medetur* On this ac- 
 count certainly it was, Pliny maintained that 
 Nepenthe, whose virtues Homer so much exag- 
 gerates,, was nothing in the world but generous 
 wine. 
 
 Horace, in like manner, insists, that wine is 
 the only proper expeller of the most racking 
 cares. 
 
 Neque 
 
 Mordaces aliter di/f'ugiunt sollicitudines.^ 
 
 * Seneca de Tranquil. 
 fLib. I. Ode 18.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 19 
 
 Nor othenvise are eank'ring cares remov'd 
 
 And thus advises the sage Plancus to have re- 
 course to this remedy : 
 
 " Sic tu sapiens finirc memento 
 " Trisiitiam, vitmque lahores 
 " Molli, Plance, mero. 
 
 So, thou, sage Plancus, this Memento keep, 
 To lull the cares and toils of life asleep 
 AVith Cordial juleps of old mellow wine; 
 The grand and universal anodyne. 
 
 In another place, ho thus beautifully sounds 
 the Praises of Drunkenness. 
 
 " Ehrietas quid non designatf operta recludit 
 " Spes jubet esse ratas: in prcelia triidit iner- 
 
 tem, 
 " Sollicitis animis onus cximit: addocct arlcs. 
 '' Facundi calices, qucm non fecere disertumf 
 " Contracia quern non in paupertate solu- 
 tum." 
 
 In drunkenness what pow'rful magick lies, 
 What's most envelop 'd from researching eyes, 
 (Transparent thing) it evidently shows. 
 The innocent no dark disguises knows. 
 By her commands our hopes maturely rise, 
 Push'd on to war the coward dauntless dies. 
 And sinking minds beneath unwieldy care,
 
 20 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Cast off their load, and move with sp rightful air. 
 
 To her, all arts their origin must owe: 
 
 What vvretch so dull but eloquent must grow, 
 
 When the full goblets with persuasive wine, 
 
 Inebriate with bright elegance divine, 
 
 The drunken beggars plume like proudest kings, 
 
 And the poor tipsy slave in fetters sings. 
 
 After all this, will any one accuse me for a 
 plagiary, and that I steal from the most com- 
 mon places? No matter. I have company 
 enough. Do not all modem authors do so? 
 However, I shall not for all that, pass over in 
 silence what Ovid has said of this same drunk- 
 enness. The passage is this : 
 
 '' Vma parant Animos, faciuntq; colonhus aptos. 
 
 " Cura fugit, multo diluiturq; ynero. 
 '' Tunc veniunt risus, tunc pauper cornua sumit, 
 
 '* Tunc dolor & curce, rugaq; frontis obit. 
 " Tunc aperit mentes, avo rarissima nostro 
 
 " Simplicitas, artes excutiente Deo." 
 
 As I am nothing less than a Poet, I shall not 
 presume to dance ivith the Nine Sisters, to make 
 use of the thought of the ingenious Sarasin.— 
 However, here follows an ode of Aiiacreon, which 
 may supply the place of a translation of those 
 verses of Ovid.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 21 
 
 When I hold a full glass in my hand, 
 I laugh and I merrily sing; 
 I think I have sov 'reign command 
 And the treasures possess of a king. 
 
 11. 
 
 Let who will tiy their fate in the field, 
 In war all their days let them pass : 
 No arms but the bottle I'll wield, 
 Fill, Boy, then, a thundering glass. 
 
 III. 
 
 If Bacchus the victory gain. 
 On the ground tho' I'm motionless laid; 
 All agree it, a truth very plam, 
 'Tis better be drunk than be dead. 
 
 And very probably the Greek Philosopher 
 had wine in view, when he caused an inscription 
 to be made over his door in these words, in 
 capitals, Here are remedies for all sorts of afflic- 
 tions; Here are cures for all distempers of the 
 sold. 
 
 The philosopher so often quoted by Seneca, 
 desired no more than bread and cheese, to rival 
 Jupiter in happiness : for my part, though I 
 am no less a philosopher, yet I desire nothing 
 to effect this but good wine. For when I take
 
 22 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 a hearty giass, I find myself so much transported 
 with joy that I could almost cry out with that 
 little fool in the Latin comedy*, Now could I 
 pardon any one that woidd kill me, so much 
 afraid am I lest some accident may trouble the 
 purity of my happiness, and mingle some- un- 
 gratefid hitter with the exquisite sweets I now 
 enjoy. And indeed, it is amongst bottles and 
 glasses that one may truly say, 
 
 " Mediis videat disciimhere in astris, 
 
 " Cum Jove, & Illiacd porrectum sumere dextrd 
 " Immortale merumf. 
 
 Far from the earth remov'd in realms above, 
 I seem amongst the stars to sit with Jove: 
 Lolling in ease celestial, lie supine, 
 And taste from Ganymede immortal wine. 
 
 And, without doubt, Asclepiades had all this 
 in his head when he maintained that the gods 
 produced nothing that equalled wine in good- 
 ness. Philostratus is much of the same senti- 
 ment, who after having taken notice of the 
 edict of the emperor Domitian, who forbad men 
 to be castrated, and vines to be planted, he adds 
 that this admirable emperor did not reflect that 
 
 * Nunc est profecto cum me patior interfici, ne hoc 
 gaudium aliqua contaminetur fegritudine. Eunuch. 
 t Statii Sil. 2. Lib. 4.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 23 
 
 lie made the earth in some sort an Eunuch, at 
 the same time that he spared men. 
 
 Varro sounded the Praise of Drunkenness in 
 terms no less pathetick. 
 
 ** Vino nil quicquam jucundhis duet, 
 " Hoc continet coagulum convivii; 
 *' Hoc hilaritatis dulce seminarium 
 *' Hoc (£griU(dinem ad mcdoidam invener- 
 unt. 
 
 Than wine no orient jewels finer play, 
 
 And dart more pleasantly their glittering ray. 
 
 This vital juice, the cream of all the feast. 
 
 Strong cement, close uniting every breast. 
 
 The sweet prolific seed of gay desires, 
 
 Bright mirth and gen'rous amity inspires. 
 
 This was found out a certain remedy 
 
 To set mankind from all distempers free. 
 
 Monsieur La Motte, whom I must ever admire 
 for his inimitable Court Fables, before men- 
 tioned, will furnish us with a beautiful Ode to 
 close this Chapter*. 
 
 " Bacchus contre moi tout conspire, 
 " Viens me consoler de mes manx: 
 " Je vois au mepris de la Lire 
 " Couronner d'indignes Bivaux. 
 
 * Ode 9. Anacr.
 
 24 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 ' Tout me rend la vie importune 
 ' Une Volage me trahit, 
 ' J'eus peu de bien de la fortune, 
 ' L'ln justice me le ravii. 
 
 ' Mon plus cher ami m'ahandonne, 
 ' En vain J 'implore son secours, 
 ' Et la Calomnie empoisonne 
 ' Les reste de mes tristes jours. 
 
 ' Bacchus viens me verscr a boire 
 
 ' Encore bon Je suis soulage, 
 
 ' Chaque coup m'ote la memorie 
 ' Des maux qui m'avoie^it afflige. 
 
 ' Verse encore Je vols Vallegresse 
 
 ' Nager sur le jus precieux. 
 
 ' Donne, redouble douce Yvresse! 
 
 ' Je suis plus heureux que les Dieux." 
 
 Help, Bacchus, or I'm quite undone, 
 All things against my peace conspire ; 
 Unworthy rivals many a one 
 I find despising Song and Lyre. 
 
 My life's intirely irksome grown, 
 By an inconstant I'm betray 'd, 
 On that small fortune, once my own, 
 Injustice has severely prey'd. 
 
 Forsaken by my dearest Friend, 
 In vain his succour I implore;
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 25 
 
 And Calumnies rank poisons send. 
 And what is left of life devour. 
 
 Bacchus, some wine ; fill higher yet 
 
 Again so 1 some comfort find; 
 
 Each smiling glass makes me forget 
 Those Evils that have rack'd my mind. 
 
 Some more 1 see gay images 
 
 On the rich surface sprightly move, 
 
 Fill double sweet Drunkenness! 
 
 I'm happier than the Gods above.
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 That it is good for one's health to get drunk 
 
 sometimes. 
 
 ALTHO' Mirth and Joy be absolutely ne- 
 cessary to Health, yet it must be allowed, 
 that there are a great many pleasures very inju- 
 rious and prejudicial to it; and we should act 
 witli precaution in using those we make choice 
 of*. But this precaution is not necessary in 
 those we seek in the sweet juice of the Grape. 
 So far is drunkenness from prejudicing our 
 health, that, on the contrary, it highly preserves 
 it. This is the sentiment of the most able phy- 
 sicians. These worthy gentlemen are arbiters 
 of life and death. They have over us. Jus vitce 
 et necis. We must therefore believe them.— 
 Ergo, let us heartily carouse. Every one knows 
 that Hippocrates, the prince of physicians, pre- 
 scribes getting drunk once a Month, as a thing 
 very necessary to the conservation of health; 
 for, according to him, in the words of a certain 
 French Lady\ : 
 
 * Voluptates ut mel siimmo digito degustandae non 
 plena manu sumendae. Dionys. Sophron. apud Philostr. 
 fMad. Deshoul. T. 2. Ep. p. 104.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 27 
 
 " Une utile & douce Chaleur 
 
 " Fait qu'on pense an sortir de Table 
 
 " Avoir pris de cet Or potable, 
 
 " Qvi triomphe des ans, qui cJiasse la 
 
 douleur, 
 " Qui fait tout, & qui par malheur 
 '' N'a jamais ete quhme Fable." 
 
 When from the bottle, flush 'd with wine, we rise, 
 
 The brisk Effluvia brighten in our eyes; 
 
 This sweet and useful warmth still makes us 
 
 think 
 That cups of potable rich gold we drink, 
 Which baffles time, and triumphs over years. 
 Drives away grief and sad perplexing cares; 
 Does all, and yet in fable's sweet disguise, 
 dire mishap ! its only essence lies. 
 
 *' Avicenna and Basis, most excellent physi- 
 " cians of Arabia, say*, that it is a thing very 
 " salutary and wholesome to get drunk some- 
 " times." 
 
 Monsieur IJofman confirms what has been 
 just now said in relation to Avicenna, and adds 
 thereto tlie testimony of another physician.— 
 '* Avicenna," says hef, " absolutely approves 
 " getting drunk once or twice every month, 
 " and alledges for it physical reasons." Dios- 
 cordies says, " That drunkenness is not always 
 
 * Div. Lee. de P. Messie, Part 2, Ch. 1.5. 
 
 Hofman, T. 2. 9 Dissert, ch. 6,
 
 28 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 ' ' hurtful, but that very often it is necessary for 
 " the consei-vation of health." Homer says, 
 " That Nestor, who lived so long, toss'd off huge 
 ' ' Bocals of wine*. ' ' 
 
 Monsieur Hofman believes also, that wine 
 is an excellent preservative against Distem- 
 pers, and of an admirable use in their cure. 
 In like manner, several Divines believe, that 
 there is no manner of hann in getting drunk, 
 when it is done for health sake and not for 
 pleasure. In this class one may reckon Pere 
 Taverns, a Jesuitf. These are his words. — 
 " Drunkenness," says he, " is a mortal sin, if 
 ' ' one falls into it for pleasure only ; but if one 
 " gets drunk for any honest end; as, for exam- 
 " pie, by direction of one's physician, in order 
 " to recover health, there is no manner of harm 
 " in it at all. ' ' 
 
 But however, not to digress too much from 
 our subject, to preserve their health the Africans 
 drink a great deal of wine ; and thisi they do to 
 help the digestion of the vast quantity of Fruits 
 they eat. 
 
 ■^Montaigne tells us that he heard Silviiis, an 
 excellent phj^sician of Paris, say, that to keep up 
 the powers of the stomach, that they faint not, 
 
 * Bocal, an Italian word, and signifies a Pot or Jug 
 holding about three pints. 
 f Synopses Theolog. pract. 
 J Essays, lib. 2. cap. 2.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 29 
 
 it would be very proper to rouze them up once 
 a month by this wholesome excess. And if we 
 believe Regnicr, a young physician does not see 
 so far as an old drunkard*. 
 
 We also say with the French Poet§ : 
 
 **' Si Bourdaloue§ un peu severe 
 " Nous dit: craigncz la volupte 
 " Escobar||, lui dit on nion Pere 
 " Nous la permet pour la Sante! 
 
 If Bourdaloue, somewhat severe, 
 Warns us to dread voluptuous sweets, 
 Good honest Father Escobar 
 To fuddle for one's health peraiits. 
 
 And, by the by, if the number of physicians 
 who used to get drunk, proves any thing, I could 
 insert a good round Catalogue, among whom I 
 do not find any English Doctors, for they are 
 the most abstemious persons in the world; how- 
 ever, being unwilling to trouble my gentle reader 
 with so long a bead-roll, I shall instance only 
 two very illustrious topers of the Faculty. The 
 first is no less a man than the great Paracelsus, 
 who used to get dmnk veiy often ; and the other 
 is the famous IMaster Dr. Francis Rabelais, who 
 took a singular pleasure to moisten his clay ; or, 
 
 * Satir. 
 § Boileau. 
 
 II The Names of two Jesuits, the former a famous 
 Preacher, and the latter as famous a Casuist.
 
 30 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 
 
 to make use of one of his o^vIl expressions, Hu- 
 mer le plot. 
 
 I conld, after these, mention Patin*, who tells 
 ns, that when he gave his public entertainment 
 for his Decanat, or Deanship, at which thirty-six 
 of his colleagTies assisted, he never saw in all his 
 life so much toping. From all which, however, 
 one may very reasonably infer, that so many 
 able persons would never have drunk so much, 
 had they not thought it was no ways prejudicial 
 to their health. 
 
 To conclude, let any one all edge this verse as 
 a maxim, that 
 
 Pocula non Icedunt paucula, multa nocent. 
 It does no harm to take a glass or two, 
 But in great numbers mighty ills accrue. 
 
 And I shall do myself the honour to answer 
 him with another verse, that sometimes 
 
 Una salus sanis multam potarc snhitemf. 
 
 The only health to people hail and sound, 
 Is to have many a tipling health go round. 
 
 And that this is true, witness the great Hip- 
 pocrates, who says. 
 
 That what to health conduceth best, 
 Is fuddling once a month at least|. 
 
 * Esprit de Pat. p. 51. 
 f Owen, Ep. 
 
 I Qui '1 faiit a ehaque niois. 
 Du moin s'enyvrer une fois. Fureteriaiia.
 
 CHAP. IV. 
 That old People ought to get drunk sometimes. 
 
 w 
 
 INE taken with some excess is excellent 
 for old people. 
 
 JJhi jam, validis qtiassatum est virihus cevi 
 
 Corpus d' obtusis ceciderunt virihus Artus*. 
 
 When shaken by the powerful force of age 
 The Body languid grows, and Q\\'y jojoit 
 Its proper juice exhal'd, all feeble droops. 
 
 And is not the reason plain'? Because it moist- 
 ens their dry temperament, and nourishes their 
 radical moisture. Hence came the proverb, 
 which says, that Wine is the Milk of old Men§. 
 Tirellus, in his history, declares the same thing, 
 when he says that wine is the Nutriment of na- 
 tural heat||. Conformably to this truth that 
 old man acted, of whom Seneca makes mention, 
 who being pressed to drink wine cooled in snow, 
 said, that his age made him cold enough, and 
 that he did not desire to be more cold than he 
 
 * Lucret Lib. 3. 
 
 § Vinum lac Senum. 
 
 II Vina calidi innati pnbula.
 
 32 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 was*. Than which, certainly no answer could 
 he more just and true. 
 
 Besides, the infirmities of an advanced age re- 
 quire some consolation and diversion. Let us see 
 what Montaigne says, who was not much given 
 to tippling; for he plainly says, that his Gout 
 and complexion were greater enemies to drun- 
 kenness than his discourse. His words are 
 these : ' ' The inconveniencies attending old age, 
 which stand in need of some support and re- 
 freshment, might with reason produce in me 
 a desire of this faculty, since it is, as it were, 
 the la.st pleasure that the course of years steals 
 from us. The natural heat, say the boon com- 
 panions, begins first at the feet, this is the 
 case of infancy; thence it ascends to the mid- 
 dle region, where it continues a long while, 
 and there produces, in my mind, the only true 
 pleasures of the corporal life ; at last exhaling 
 itself like a vapour, it moves upwards, till it 
 comes to the throat, and there it makes its 
 last little stayf. ' ' 
 Athenoeus, after Theophrastes, says, that wine 
 drives away those irksome inquietudes to which 
 old people are unhappily subject§. And to 
 conclude, the divine Plato assures us, that ' ' AVine 
 "is a medicine as well for the body as the 
 
 * -^tas meo frigore contenta est. 
 t Essays, lib. 2, cap. 2. 
 § Lib. 11, cap. 7.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 33 
 
 mind, the dryness of old people having great 
 occasion for this kind of moistening, and their 
 severe genius of the brisk gaiety inspired by 
 Wine, without which they Avould not be able 
 to perform their part in the concert, and con- 
 sequently would be no longer useful members 
 in the commonwealth, which is no other ways 
 supported and preserved than by harmony."
 
 CHAP. V. 
 That Wine creates Wit. 
 
 AS wine increases the quantity of animal spi- 
 rits, by the fumes which it sends to the 
 brain, it is easy to comprehend that it cannot 
 but be of great advantage to dull and heavy 
 wits; so that one may particularly apply to 
 them the common proverb, Wine sets an edge to 
 Wit*. And the emblem of Adr. Junius, in 
 which he represents Bacchus as a youth with 
 wings on, and with this inscription, Wine kindles 
 Wit\, agrees admirably well with these people: 
 but the application of both proverb and emblem 
 is no less just in relation to all the world; for 
 it is most certain, that the God Bacchus, by 
 warming the thoughts, renders them more acute, 
 and inspires a greater plenty of witty sallies. 
 For, ''Bacchus had not the name of Lysian, or 
 ' ' Opener if I may use the term, bestowed upon 
 " him for nothing but purely because he opens 
 " the mind by putting it into an agreeable hu- 
 " mour, and renders it more subtile and judi- 
 " cious$." For this reason it is grown into a 
 
 * Vinum acuit Ingenium. 
 f Vinum ingenii fomes. 
 t Hist. des. 7. sag. p, 123.
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 35 
 
 proverb, that water-drinkers are not near so 
 knowing as those who drink wine*. 
 
 Plutarch assures us, that wine collects and 
 increases the powers of the mind. He observes 
 also, that it produces excellent effects on the 
 minds of pei-sons who, though naturally timid, 
 Avant no penetration. Plato maintains, as I 
 have observed in the foregoing Chapter, that 
 wine warms as well the mind as the body.— 
 Monsieur Hofman says a great deal more, viz. 
 That experience proves that those climates 
 which produce good wine, produce also peo- 
 ple that have infinitely more wit than those 
 of the north, who drink nothing but beer. 
 Gryllits believes that the Greeks were called 
 Fathers of wisdom, on account of the excel- 
 lency of their wine; and that they lost their 
 ancient lustre by reason of the Turks rooting 
 out their Vines. The Heathens placed Pal- 
 las and Bacchus in the same temple, to shew 
 that wine increased their wisdom, and that 
 the Gods were represented wiser than Men 
 only because they drank nectar and ambrosia." 
 In respect of Poets the world was always so 
 sensible of the necessity they lay under, of 
 having their imagination rouzed by wine, that 
 nobody had ever any good opinion of the pro- 
 
 * Non idem sapere possunt qui aquani & qui vinum 
 bibunt.
 
 36 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 ductioDs of a Poet that drank water, that Non 
 est Dytlnjmmhus si aquam hihat; and wine was 
 called the Poet's great Horse. "There never 
 " were any excellent Poets," says Mr. Bayle, 
 " that could versify, till after drinking pretty 
 " plentifully*." 
 
 And if we believe Plato, "He could never 
 " open the gates of poesy till he was a little 
 " beyond himself. The soul can speak nothing 
 " grand, or above the common, if it be not 
 " somewhat agitatedf." 
 
 HoraceX, who knew by experience this truth, 
 goes yet farther. 
 
 Nulla placere din, nee vivere carmina possint, 
 Qiim scribuntur aquoe potorihiis. 
 
 Poor water-drinkers sing an irksome tune, 
 Short liv'd their numbers, and their airs jejune. 
 
 Ovid bewailed himself very bitterly for want 
 of wine in his exile. 
 
 " Impetus ille sacer, qui vatum pectora nutrit 
 " Qui piius in nobis esse solebat, abest. 
 
 * Resp. aux Quest, d'un Prov. T. 1, ch. 12. 
 
 f Sive Platoni credimus, f rustra Poetices fores compos 
 sui pepulit. Non potest grande aliquid & supra ceteros 
 loqui nisi mota mens. 
 
 Jl Ep. 19. 3.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 37 
 
 That sacred rage tliat feeds a Poet's breast, 
 Common to me, is now no more possess 'd. 
 
 La Motte*, my beloved French Man, has 
 something not unlike it. 
 
 '' Loin line raison trop timide 
 " Les f voids Poetes qu'elle guide 
 
 " Languissent & tomhent souvent. 
 "Venez yvresse temerarie, 
 " Transports ignorez du vidgarie 
 
 " Tels que vous m'agitiez vivant." 
 
 Away too fearful reason, haste, begone. 
 Those frozen Poets whom thy phantoms guide. 
 
 Languish, and often feebly slide, 
 Down to the lowest ebb of wretchless song. 
 Insipid notes and lifeless numbers sing. 
 come, sweet Drunkenness, thou heady thing. 
 With transports to the vulgar herd unknown, 
 Which agitates my soul, and gives it wing. 
 With kind enthusiasms then ecstatic grown. 
 It takes its usual flights, sublimely soars, 
 Spurns the dull globe below, and endless worlds 
 
 explores. 
 
 One may veiy well apply to Bacchus, what 
 the same gentleman says of the Graces in this 
 odef. 
 
 * La Motte, Ode Find. 1. 
 t Ode 2, Pindar.
 
 38 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " Tout fleurit par vous au Parnasse, 
 "Apollon languit, <& nous glace, 
 
 " Sitot que vous I'avez quitte, 
 " Mieux que les traits les phis suhlimes 
 . " Vous allez verser sur mes Rimes 
 
 " Le Don de I'immortalite." 
 
 The sprightly influence you shed, 
 Bright Constellation ! makes Parnassus gay. 
 
 Apollo droops and hangs his head, 
 His frozen fingers Imow not how to play; 
 And we his sons the sad distemper find, 
 Which chills the fancy and benumbs the mind 
 When cruel you withdraw your magick ray 
 
 You finely paint on ev'ry rhyme 
 
 Features most noble and sublime. 
 
 Resplendent all the images, 
 
 In rich immortal draperies. 
 You give me colours that can never die, 
 But baffle time, and live through all eternity. 
 
 It is to Avine we owe the productions of Es- 
 chylus and Anacreon, whose Muses were very 
 chilly till Bacchus warmed them. Aurelius, the 
 Sophist, composed his best declamations in his 
 cups. Herodes, called Saginatus Orator, the 
 fattened orator, never talked better than after 
 drinking pretty plentifully. And, according to 
 Horace, this was the case with Ennius.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 39 
 
 " Ennius ipse pater nunquam nisi potus ad 
 
 Arma 
 " Prosiluit dicenda *. 
 
 Ennius himself ne'er sung of arms, 
 Martial exploits and War's Alarms, 
 Till the good father's face did shine, 
 Enrich 'd with ruby beams of Wine. 
 
 Alcceus, the famous Poet, never sat down to 
 compose tragedy till he was tipsy. The disci- 
 ples of the great Paracelsus took the opportu- 
 nity, when he was fuddled, to make him dictate. 
 The venerable Messire Francis Rabelais, com- 
 posed over the bottle the Acts and Gests of Gar- 
 gantua, and his Son Pantagruel, a work which 
 gained him such great reputation. '' Pontius 
 " de Thiard, Bishop of Chalons sur Saone, had 
 " greater obligations to Bacchus than Apollo for 
 " his good verses; who, not reckoning what 
 " wine he drank all day long, never slept with- 
 " out drinking a pretty large bottlef. " So true 
 is it, that 
 
 " A la Fontaine ou s'enyvre Boileau 
 " Le grand Corneille & le sacre troupeau 
 *' De ces Aute^irs que Von ne trouve guere 
 " IJn hon Rimeur doit hoir a pleine eguyere, 
 
 * 1 Ep. 19. 7. 
 
 f Menagiana, T, 1, p. 384.
 
 40 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " S'il vent donner un hon tour an ron- 
 deau*.'' 
 
 At that rich fountain where the great Boileau, 
 Corneille, Racine, to whom so much we owe, 
 Th' immortal Dry den, and the sacred band 
 Of those bright Authors, whom we cannot find. 
 Whose names (so does oblivion's power com- 
 mand) 
 Alas, we no where know, 
 Supp'd largely to inebriate their Mind. 
 Here a good versifier, fond of rhime. 
 Should swill, to make his jingling couplets chime. 
 
 From hence, good-natur'd B d, arose 
 
 your flame. 
 Hence your inimitable numbers came, 
 When you so prais'd his house and Bucking- 
 ham. 
 
 And certainly Cicero was much in the wrong, 
 when he said, that "what people do when they 
 " are drunk, is not done with the same appro- 
 " bation as if they were sober; they hesitate, 
 " and oftentimes recall themselves, and frame a 
 " weaker judgment of what they seef." But 
 
 * Menagiana, T, 1, p. 189. 
 
 f Ne vinolenti quidem quae faciunt qua' sobrii, hesitant, 
 revodant se interdum, usque quae videntur, imbecillius as- 
 sentiuntur, Acad. Quest, lib. 4.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 41 
 
 had he consulted experience, he would have 
 found that drunkenness, far from making peo- 
 ple fearful, inspires them with boldness and te- 
 merity.
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 That Wine makes one Eloquent. 
 
 WHAT wretch so dull, but eloquent must 
 grow, 
 When the full Goblets with persuasive wine, 
 Inebriate with bright eloquence divine? 
 
 FcECundi calices quern non fecere disertumf 
 
 Let us make a few commentaries on this 
 verse of Horace. 
 
 We read, that "the Sages of Portugal hav- 
 " ing undertaken to convert those of Melinda, 
 ' ' gained as much upon them by wine as by rea- 
 " son, which, in the end, facilitated the con- 
 " quest of the whole country.* 
 
 To draw a consequence from this, we say, 
 that one must reasonably believe, that wine gave 
 those Sages an eloquence necessary to convert 
 the people of Melinda, and them a necessary 
 penetration to discover the truth through the 
 thick veils of their ignorance. 
 
 Books of Travels further inform us, that 
 " the Priests of the kingdom of Tibet, whom 
 " they call Lamas, drink a good quantity of 
 
 • Eem. sur Eabel, T, 1 lib. 1. cap. 5.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 48 
 
 " wine on their days of fasting and devotion, 
 " that they may have, to use their own words, 
 " the tongue prompt, and ready to say their 
 " Orisons.* 
 
 According to this doctrine, Palingenius was 
 much in the wrong to say, that wine makes all 
 Church-men uncapable to perform the duties of 
 their function. 
 
 Nee hene tractabit vinosus sacra sacerdos.1i 
 
 No Priest, who tipples wine that's good. 
 Will do his duty as he shou'd. 
 
 Surely our author never conversed much with 
 Religious. The Friers would have told him, 
 they never perform their Office without taking a 
 Choice Cup. Experto crede Roberto, as the say- 
 ing is. There's no false Latin in this, says a good 
 Monk to me once upon a time, drawing from 
 under his Cassock a double Flask. You are 
 much in the right on't Brother Peter, said I, 
 I believe as the Church believes, and so— my 
 service to you, and here's to the pious memory 
 of St. Boniface. And, indeed, the vehicle 
 proved capaciously orthodox. 
 
 In relation to what hath been said, I shall 
 add a remark of the famous M. Bayle. " It 
 
 * Divers, cur. 
 fLib. 3. p. m. 43.
 
 44 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " cannot be denied, says he, that the Chris- 
 ' ' tians of Europe are subject to two great vices, 
 " Drunkenness and Lewdness. The first of 
 ' these reigns in cold Countries, the other in 
 " hot. Bacchus and Venus share these two 
 " Climates between them. We find that the 
 " Reformation having divided this portion of 
 " Christianity, that part which was subject to 
 " Venus, continues as it was, but the greatest 
 " part of what was subject to Bacchus has re- 
 " nounced Popery.* 
 
 But you will say, what coherence has this 
 remark with the matter in question? Have a 
 little patience and you shall presently see the 
 application. I say then, that a thorough true 
 blue hearty Protestant, would conclude from 
 this question, that wine bestowed so much 
 eloquence and penetration to these northern 
 people, as to put them into that happy state, 
 to discover the truth, and conquer all prejudi- 
 ces against it whatsoever. But of this enough. 
 
 Pon, pon; pat a pon: tara vara, pon pon.\ 
 
 * Bayle Diet. T. 2. p. 1163. 
 f Racine.
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 That Wine acquires Friends, and reconciles 
 
 Enemies. 
 
 FRIENDSHIP is a good so precious and 
 valuable, and at the same time so very 
 rare, that one cannot take too much care in 
 order to procure it. The most efficacious means 
 to do this is feasting. It is by eating and drink- 
 ing together that conversation becomes more 
 easy and familiar ; to use the words of Monsieur 
 de la Mothe le vayer, " We hold, that Table 
 " Conmiunion unites peoples very souls, and 
 *' causes the strictest friendships." Unde Phi- 
 lotetius Crater.^ And, in reality, can any 
 thing be more agreeable and engaging, than 
 to take a friendly bottle in pleasant and delight- 
 ful company? 
 
 And therefore, Cleomedes had great reason 
 to say, " take away the pleasures of the table, 
 " where we open ourselves so agreeably to each 
 " other, and you rob us of the sweetest cordial 
 " of human life."t This was also the Senti- 
 ment of Cicero, in his book of old age; of 
 Aristotle, in his Ethics; and Plutarch, in his 
 
 *Dial. 2. d'Or, Tuber, p. m. 118. 
 fHist. 7 Sap.
 
 46 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Questions. Let who will, then, look on tren- 
 cher friends to be false, and say witli those of 
 whom Ovid makes mention, 
 
 Dum fuens felix multos numerahis amicos 
 Tempora si fuerint nuhila, sohis ens. 
 
 In happy times, while riches round you flow, 
 A thousand friends their obligations own, 
 But when loud adverse winds begin to blow, 
 And darksome clouds appear, you're left alone. 
 
 Daily experience teaches us. That one of the 
 best means to push one's fortune is, often to re- 
 gale with those who are in credit; for, to one 
 that may have ruined himself by so doing, ten 
 have made their fortunes. We may therefore 
 say of entertainments, that, 
 
 Hcpc res c& jungit, & junctos servat ami<^os. 
 
 These unite friends and strictly keep them so. 
 
 But what is more, wine does the ofifice of a 
 mediator between Enemies. Of which truth I 
 shall instance two Illustrious examples, M. Cras- 
 sus reconciled himself to Cicero at a feast; As- 
 di'uhal and Scipio did the same on the like occa- 
 sion. And one may see, in a description which 
 a very learned person* has given of Switzerland, 
 
 * Dan. Eremit. Descript. p. 416.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 47 
 
 that when the inhabitants of that country quar- 
 rel with one another, and come to blows, they 
 are immediately reconciled by returning to their 
 cups, and no harm ensues but sitting up all night 
 and amicably getting drunk together. The 
 Latin has more force in it, which I shall there- 
 fore here transcribe. Quin & si quando vehe- 
 mentius in se insurgunt, depositis in medium 
 A7'mis, pugnis rem manihusque decernunt, sed 
 eodem momento conveniunt, iisdcmque epidis, 
 iisdemque poculis a quibus surrexcre concili- 
 anfihus, tO 7iullo alio ex contentionibus damno, 
 nisi quod innovata pocula in noctem ducantur. 
 
 Tacitus had said the same thing long before 
 of the Germans. 
 
 But to come nearer. The Bishop of Bitonto, 
 one of the Fathers of the Council of Trent, 
 and a famous Preacher, frequently in his 
 Sermons exhorting the Oermans to Unity, and 
 to return to the Church, made use of this 
 Topic, of friendly drinking, conjuring them 
 thereto, as undoubtedly, by the strongest, and 
 most efficacious Argument he could make use 
 of, by remembering how merry and sociable 
 heretofore they had been in their Cups.
 
 CHAP. VIII. 
 
 That the Custom of getting Drunk is^ most 
 
 Ant lent. 
 
 AFTER having displayed the good Quali- 
 ties of Wine and Drunkenness, I come 
 now to shew, that it is generally received by 
 all the World, To do this effectually, I shall 
 enter into some particular detail, and after 
 having remarked, en passant, how the custom 
 of Fuddling is very antient, I shall then shew, 
 that the Primitive Christians used to get Drunk ; 
 I shall speak something of the Tippling of 
 Church Men in general, afterwards I shall take 
 a cursory Review of Popes, Saints and Bishops, 
 then I shall come to Kings and Emperors, and 
 give a small Catalogue of these illustrious 
 Topers; I shall not forget the Philosophers, 
 and much less the Poets, who loved Drinking. 
 Free Masons, and other learned Men, who 
 after having wearied themselves with important 
 Studies, have taken this Divei-sion, shall also 
 appear upon the Stage. After this I shall 
 enumerate the several Nations that have been, 
 and those which yet are subject to get fuddled ; 
 whether they make use of Wine for that pur- 
 pose, or such Liquors as produce the same
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 49 
 
 effect with Wine. And from this Enumera- 
 tion I shall draw some consequences in favour 
 of Drunkenness. 
 
 But before I enter into this detail, I hope 
 I shall be permitted a general remark, which 
 is, that my Readers must not expect I should 
 set down a complete List of all the several 
 sorts of Topers I just now mention: such 
 an exactitude would take up too much time. 
 Much sooner may one reckon up what num- 
 bers die every Spring by the Doctor; and 
 how many dispose of their Maiden-heads before 
 Marriage. 
 
 In every different Class j^ou will find no 
 other jolly Drinkers, but such as I have met 
 with in my great reading, and as shall occur to 
 my remembrance. Neither shall I be very 
 scrupulous in placing them according to the 
 strict rules of Chronology, but put them down 
 as they present themselves to my imagination. 
 
 If the Antiquity of a Custom makes it always 
 good and laudable, certainly Drunkenness 
 can never deserve sufficient recommendation. 
 Every one knows, that Noah got Drunk after 
 he had planted the Vine. There are some 
 who pretend to excuse him, that he was not 
 acquainted with the strength of Wine. But 
 to this it may very well be answered, that it is 
 not very probable so wise a Man as Noah should
 
 50 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 plant a Vine without knowing its Nature and 
 Property. Besides, it is one thing to know, 
 whether he got drunk at all; and another, 
 whether he had an intention to do so. 
 
 But if we give any credit to several learned 
 Persons, Noah was not the first Man that 
 got fuddled. Father Frassen maintains, " that 
 People fed on Flesh before the Flood, and 
 drank AVine. There is no likelihood, ac- 
 cording to him, that Men contented them- 
 selves with drinking Water for fifteen or 
 sixteen hundred years together. It is much 
 more credible, that they prepared a drink 
 more nourishing and palatable. These first 
 Men of the World were indued with no less 
 share of Wit, than their Posterity, and, 
 consequently, wanted no industry to invent 
 every thing that might contribute to make 
 them pass their lives agreeably. Jesus Christ 
 says, that in the Days of Noah, before the 
 Flood, Men married, and gave their Chil- 
 dren in Marriage. These people. Father 
 Frassen observes, regaled each other, and 
 made solemn entertainments. Now, who 
 can imagine, that they drank at those Fes- 
 tivals, nothing but Water, and fed only on 
 Fruits and Herbs! Noah, therefore, was 
 not the inventor of that use which we make
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 51 
 
 " of the Grape; the most that he did, was 
 " only to plant new Vines*". 
 
 This good Father was not singular in his 
 opinion, another very learned person also be- 
 lieved, that from the passage of Scripture 
 above cited, one might draw a very probable 
 argument, that INfen before the P^lood, drank 
 Wine, and that too even to be drunk f. 
 
 As for Procopius of GazaX, one of the most 
 antient Interpreters of Scripture, he thinks it 
 no less true, that the Vine was known in the 
 "World before Noah's time, but he does not 
 allow, that the use of Wine was known before 
 that Patriarch, whom he believes to be the In- 
 ventor of it. 
 
 * Disq. Biblic. Journ. des Scjavans. 
 f Jo. Chr. Becman. Annal. Hist. 
 X Tomer de Ebriet, Lib. 1. c. 3.
 
 CHAP. IX. 
 
 That the Primitive Christians got Drunk. 
 
 THERE is no one that has ever so little 
 dipped into Ecclesiastical History, but 
 knows very well, that in the Primitive Church 
 it was a custom to appoint solemn Feasts on 
 the Festivals of Martyrs. This appears by the 
 Harangue of Constantine, and from the Works 
 of St. Gregory Nazianzen, and St. Chrysostoni. 
 People generally got drunk at these Feasts; 
 and this excess was looked upon as a thing that 
 might be permitted. This evidently appears 
 by the pathetic complaints of St. Augustin and 
 St. Cyprian: the former of these Holy Fathers, 
 expresses himself after this manner.— "Drunken 
 ' Debauches pass as permitted amongst us, so 
 " that People turn them into solemn Feasts, 
 ' to honour the Memory of the Martyrs; and 
 ' that, not only on those Days which are par- 
 " ticularly consecrated to them (which would 
 " be a deplorable abuse to those w^ho look at 
 " these things with other Eyes than those of 
 " the Flesh), but on every day of the year*. 
 
 St. Cyprian, in a treatise attributed to him, 
 says much the same Thing. " Drunkenness, 
 
 * Ep. 22.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 53 
 
 " says he, is so coinmon with us in Africa, 
 " that it scarce passes for a Crime. And do 
 " we not see Christians forcing one another to 
 ** get Drunk, to celebrate the Memory of the 
 " Martyrs*. 
 
 But it was not only at these Repasts that the 
 Christians got Drunk, they did the same on 
 several other occasions; and 'twas on this ac- 
 count that St. Augustin, wrote to his dear 
 Alipius in these terms. " However the cor- 
 *' ruption of manners, and the unhappiness of 
 " the times, have induced us to wish, I do 
 " not say that people should not get drunk in 
 " particular houses, but that they should not 
 " get drunk any where elsef. 
 
 Cardinal du Perron tells us, "that the 
 " Manichceans said, that the Catholieks were 
 " people much given to Wine, but that tJcey 
 " never drank any.ij: 
 
 Against this charge, St. Augustin no other- 
 wise defends them, than by recrimination. He 
 answers, " That it was true, but that they (the 
 " Manichceans) drank the juice of apples, which 
 " was more delicious than all the wines and 
 " liquors in the world. And so does Tertullian, 
 " which liquor pressed from apples, he says. 
 
 * Pamel, p. 416. 
 
 fEp. 29. 
 
 J Perron, p. 64.
 
 54 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 * ' was most strong and vinous. ' ' His words are, 
 Succum ex pomis vinosissimum* . 
 
 Here one may observe also, that the use of 
 cyder was very primitive and ancient, but as 
 strong and delicious as it was, the Catholicks 
 stuck close to the juice of the grape, as what 
 was intirely orthodox and no wise conversant 
 with the Hercticks of those days. 
 
 But to return to these feasts just now men- 
 tioned, it is certain, that it was not only custo- 
 mary for the Christians of Africa to get drunk. 
 They had this custom in common with the chris- 
 tians of Italy, where these kinds of repasts were 
 forbidden by the Council of Laodicea, which 
 was held in the 4th Century. Paulinus, how- 
 ever (and I do not wonder at it, being a Poet) 
 has endeavoured to excuse the Christians, on 
 pretence that they only got drunk out of a good 
 intention, which, say the casuists, judges all hu- 
 man actionsf. His words are, 
 
 " Ignoscenda tamen puto talia parvis 
 
 " Gaudia quce ducunt epulis, quia mentihus 
 
 Error 
 " Irrepit rudihus, nee tantcB conscia culpa 
 " Simplicitas pietate cadit, male credula sane- 
 
 tos 
 " Perfusis halanto mero gaudere sepulchris." 
 
 * Ibid. 
 
 f Quicquid agunt homines intentio judicat omne.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 55 
 
 But yet that Mirth in little Feasts enjoy 'd, 
 
 I think should ready absolution find; 
 Slight Peccadillo of an erring Mind, 
 
 Artless and rude, of all disguises void, 
 Their simple hearts too easy to believe 
 
 (Conscious of nothing ill) that Saints in 
 Tombs 
 Enshrine 'd, shou'd any happiness perceive 
 From quaffing cups, and wine ascending 
 Fumes, 
 Must be excus'd, since what they did they 
 meant. 
 With Piety ill placed, yet good Intent.
 
 CHAP. X. 
 Of Church Men. 
 
 IF one formed a judgment of the manner of 
 Church Mens lives, by their discourses, 
 certainly one would take them for models of 
 sobriety. But there is a great deal of difference 
 between preaching and practising. This dis- 
 tinction is very solid, and daily experience con- 
 firms it. And if those Gentlemen would do 
 themselves justice, how many amongst them 
 might say in particular; 
 
 Alas ! how can I ever dare pretend, 
 
 From man this antient error to remove, 
 Which they, ev'n to distraction, fondly love: 
 
 If I, who blame it, with such pain defend 
 Myself from this contagious malady, 
 
 This epidemic poison of the mind. 
 Weak reason, feeble thing, of which mankind 
 
 So boasts, this only we can build on thee. 
 Unjust continuing still, and false and vain, 
 In our discourses loudly we complain 
 Against the passions, weakness, vice, and yet 
 Those things we still cry down, we still conmiit. 
 
 One cannot, therefore, without indignation, 
 hear Church Men declaim against Drunkenness,
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 57 
 
 while they themselves are such ruddy examples 
 of it. 
 
 Quis tiderit Gracchos de seditione qiioerentes* 
 
 With patience who can hear West-Country 
 
 Cudden 
 Rail against roasted beef and good jilumb 
 
 pudden ? 
 
 If the law of prescription take place, one 
 cannot dispute with them, that of fuddling with 
 any colour of reason, for in St. Jerom's time, 
 the Priests were very much given to wine. This 
 we learn from an Epistle of that Father, in 
 which he very severely reprehends them. They 
 have been no changelings since. We read in 
 the Adages of Erasmus, that it was a proverb 
 amongst the Germans, that the Lives of the 
 Monks consisted in nothing but eating, drink- 
 ing, and Monachorum nimc nihil aliud 
 
 est quam facere, esse, hihere. Besides, a vast 
 number of Councils, who made most severe 
 Canons against Priests that should get drunk, 
 evidently shew, that they used frequently to do 
 so. Such were the Councils of Carthage, 
 Agathon, the first of Tours, that of Worms, 
 Treves, &c. To make this more clear, we shall 
 copy a little of what H. Stephens says on this 
 
 * Juvenal.
 
 58 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 subject, in his Apology for Herodotus. " But 
 " to return, says he, to these Proverbs, Theolo- 
 " gal Wme, and the Abbots, or Prelates Table, 
 ' ' I sa.y, that without these, one could never 
 " rightly understand this beautiful passage of 
 " Horace, viz. 
 
 '' Nunc est bibendum, nunc pede libero 
 '' Pulsanda tellus: Nunc saliaj'ihiis 
 " Ornare pulvinar Deorum 
 " Tempus erit dapibus sodales. 
 
 " Come boys, let's put the flowing goblet round, 
 " Drink hard, and with brisk measures beat the 
 
 " ground. 
 " The tables of the gods now bright shall shine 
 " With cheer luxurious, fit for mouths of 
 
 " Priests, 
 " When holy Epicures become your guests, 
 " And venerably quaff large cups of wine. 
 
 Nor this other, 
 
 '^ Absumet hceres ccecuba dignior 
 Servata centum clavibus: & mero 
 Tinget pavimentum superbo 
 
 " Pontificum potiore ccenis. 
 
 A worthier heir shall then with joy unbind 
 Cfficubian, by an hundred locks confin'd 
 And tinge with better wines the ground, 
 Than e'er at feasts Pontifical are found. 

 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 59 
 
 " You see how necessary these proverbs are, 
 " to let us into the true understanding: of these 
 " two passages of this Poet. Here follows, 
 " word for word, what a certain Gloss says of 
 " the last of them, mero dicit potiore (tneliore) 
 " ccBTiis Pontificum, quam quo Pontifices in ccenis 
 *' suis, quce semper sunituosissimce fuerunt, unde 
 '' nunc theologicum dicunt vinum, usi sunt. That 
 " is, with better wine than that which the chief 
 " Priests used at their suppers, which were al- 
 " ways most sumptuous and expensive, and 
 " which sort of wine we call now Theological. 
 
 " By this you plainly see, how much attached 
 " to Divines and Prelates those Gentlemen are, 
 *' who make profession of being expositors of 
 '* the poets. But in relation to this same The- 
 " ologal, or Theological, I know very well that 
 " it is a great question, if it should be cal- 
 " led Vinum Theologale, or Vinum Theologa- 
 *' lis per appositionem; for the wicked Laity, 
 " some of them will have it, that when these 
 " good men get Tipsey, they agree no other- 
 " wise, than Dogs and Cats. But I shall leave 
 " this dispute to be decided by the readers. 
 " And as to these two proverbs, they put me 
 " in mind of another, and that is, an Abbot's 
 " Face, which proverb being very ancient, 
 " makes me believe, that formerly the Abbot's 
 
 ' ' had their faces illuminated But without 
 
 " going any farther for witnesses, I shall con-
 
 60 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " tent myself with presenting my readers with 
 " the following piece of antiquity, viz. 
 
 " Sanct'us Dominicus sit nohis semper amicus, 
 " Cui canimus rostro jugiter precoma riostro 
 " De cordis venis siccatis ante lage7iis. 
 "Ergo tuas laudes si tu nos pangere gaudes 
 " Tempore pascJiali, fac ne potu puteali 
 " Conveniat uti quod si fit undique muti 
 " Semper erunt Fratres qui non curant nisi 
 ventres. 
 
 " good Saint Dominic, be ay propitious, 
 
 ' ' Whose praise we daily chirp in notes delicious 
 
 " From all the veins of all our hearts, 
 
 " Having toss'd up some double quarts. 
 
 " Therefore, if 't be thy true desire, 
 
 " We chaunt thy Lauds at Easter Quire. 
 
 " Let not thy Saintship think it meet 
 
 " We drink from well Iho' ne'er so sweet, 
 
 " Liquor unworthy Priest or Parson, 
 
 " If so, your Friars will hang an Arse on, 
 
 " Who nothing mind, I need not tell ye, 
 
 " Most holy Patron, but their belly. 
 
 " So used, they'll ev'ry soul be dumb, 
 
 ' ' No dixit Dominus, but Mum. 
 
 Not unlike this is what follows. 
 
 " Mo7iachi, vestri Stomachi sunt ampJiora Bac- 
 
 " chi, 
 " Vos estis, Beus est testis teterrima pestis!
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 61 
 
 " O Monks, ye reverend drones, your Guts, 
 '' Of wine are but so many Butts; 
 " You are, God knows (who can abide ye?) 
 " Of Plagues the rankest, bona fide!
 
 CHAP. XI. 
 
 Of Popes, Saints, Mid Bishops, that used to get 
 
 Drunk. 
 
 AFTER having spoken of the drunkenness 
 of Church-men in general, it will not, 
 perhaps, be a thing altogether needless, to put 
 the whole in the clearest light, to confirai what 
 has been said, by the example of Popes, Saints, 
 and Bishops, who have practised that laudable 
 custom of getting drunk. 
 
 A little Song, mentioned by H. Stephens, in 
 his apology for Herodotus, affords matter of spe- 
 culation in relation to the sobriety of sovereign 
 Pontiffs. 
 
 " Le Pope qui est a Rome 
 
 " Boit du Vin comme un autre Hoynme 
 
 '' Et de I'Hypocras aussi. 
 
 The Pope at Rome, his Holiness, 
 Of wine drinks many a hearty glass, 
 And pleasant Hypocras also, 
 As any other man I trow. 
 
 If one reads over the Popes lives, we shall be 
 fully convinced, that these Holy Fathers were 
 no enemies to Wine. Alexander the fifth was
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 63 
 
 a great drinker, and that too, of strong wines, 
 says his o^vn historian, Theodenc de Neim. If 
 one may give any credit to the letters of the 
 king of Spain's Ambassador to his Master, 
 Sixtus Quintus was a terrible Drunkard.* 
 
 And Pope Boniface instituted Indulgences 
 for those who should drink a Cup after grace 
 (called since St. Boniface's Cup,) a plain argu- 
 ment, that his sanctity did not hate Wine. 
 
 This puts me in mind of what I have former- 
 ly read, tho' the Author's name is now slipped 
 out of my memory, that Avhen Cardinal Pigna- 
 telli, aftei-wards Innocent the 12th, was advanced 
 to the Papacy, his name signifying little Pots 
 or Mngs, three of which he bore for his Arms; 
 and whose mother was of the house of Caraffa, 
 which signifies a Jug, a French man made these 
 lines. 
 
 " Nous devons tons hoire en repos. 
 " Sous le regne de ce saint pere 
 " Son noms ses amies sont des pots 
 '' TJne Caraife etoit sa mere. 
 " Celehrons done avec eclat 
 " Get august e Pontificat. 
 
 Under this Holy Father's reign 
 Hang sorrow, let us ne'er complain; 
 I think all of us should turn Sots, 
 
 * Thuan. p. 447.
 
 64 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 And fuddle with one another, 
 
 His name, and so his Arms, are Pots, 
 
 And a Gallon Pot was his Mother; 
 Then let us brightly celebrate 
 This most august Pontificate. 
 
 In the main, this is nothing but a little pun- 
 ning or playing with words, but it is one of those 
 agreeable trifles that may now and then be 
 worth our thinking on. 
 
 One may add to the number of such Popes as 
 loved Puddling, all those who sat at Avignon; 
 for if we believe Petrarch* the long residence 
 that the Court of Rome made at Avignon, was 
 only to taste the good French Wines; and that 
 it was merely on that account they stayed so 
 long in Provence, and removed with so much re- 
 luctance. 
 
 Let us now pass on to Saints and Bishops. 
 I shall only instance one of each, because I hate 
 Prolixity. The first Saint that presents him- 
 self to me is the renowned St. Augustin, who 
 himself owns, that he used to get drunk some- 
 times. Crapula autem. nonnunquam surrepit 
 servo iuo misereheris lit lo7ige fiat a me. Thy 
 Sei-vant has been sometimes crop-sick thro' ex- 
 cess of wine, have mercy on me, that it may be 
 ever far from me. fit is true, M. Cousin, 
 
 * Perron, p. 387. 
 
 t Petit Nepffinth, p. 137.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 65 
 
 maintains against my Author, M. Petit, the 
 Journal des Sgavans, of the Year 1689, 27 June, 
 that St. Augustin, however, never got drunk. 
 The arguments on both sides you may find in 
 Bayle's Dictionary, under the Article Augustin. 
 But yet there are somewhere in St. Augustin 
 these words, viz. My soul certainly being a spi- 
 rit cannot dwell in a dry place. Anima mea 
 certe quia Spiritus est, in sicco hahitare non 
 potest. 
 
 I shall make no comment upon these words, 
 only insert one already made, which I take from 
 M. Duchat in his remarks on Rabelais*. On 
 these words of Saint Augustin, says he, men- 
 tioned in the second part of the Decretals, caus. 
 32. q. 2. c. 9. the Commentator says, " And 
 ' this is an Argument for the Normans, English, 
 ' and Poles, that they may drink largely, that 
 ' the soul may not live in the dry. Et est Ar- 
 ' gumentum pro Normannis, Anglicis, & Polo- 
 ' nis ut possint fortiter hibere, ne anima habitet 
 ' in sieco." To which Peter Chatelain, a Flemish 
 Physician, made this pleasant addition, "It is 
 ' very probable that the Commentator was an 
 ' entire stranger to the nature of the Flemings, 
 ' Verisimile est glossatoren ignorasse Naturam 
 ' Belgarum." 
 And, perhaps, this Argument from St. Augus- 
 
 *Liv. 1, ch. 5.
 
 66 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 tin's words, is as just as one of a merry Fellow 
 I knew, who would prove, from St. PauVs go- 
 ing to the Three Taverns*, that he loved a 
 hearty Bottle. 
 
 Amongst the Bishops, I cannot Instance a 
 more illustrious example of a great drinker, than 
 that of Pontus de Thiard. We are toldf, ' ' That 
 this Gentleman, after having repented of the 
 sins of his youth, came to be Bishop of Cha- 
 lons sur Soane; but, however, he did not re- 
 nounce the power of drinking heartily, which 
 seemed then inseparable from the quality of 
 a good poet. He had a Stomach big enough 
 to empty the largest Cellar; and the best 
 wines of Burgundy were too gross for the sub- 
 tility of the fire which devoured him. Every 
 night at going to bed, besides the ordinary 
 doses of the day, in which he would not suffer 
 the least drop of w^ater, he used to drink a 
 pottle before he slept. He enjoyed a strong, 
 robust, and vigorous health, to the age of 
 fourscore. ' ' 
 
 * Acts cap. 28. v. 15. 
 
 t Rep. des Lett. Febr. 1687. Art. 7..
 
 CHAP. XII. 
 
 A Catalogue of some illustrious Topers. 
 
 SINCE aecordino: to Horace'^ observation, 
 every one conforms himself to the Example 
 of the Prince. 
 
 " Regis ad exemplum totus componitur Orhis. 
 
 And that, according to Seneca's Maxim, one 
 must regulate ones Conduct by illustrious Mo- 
 dels. 
 
 " Vita est instituenda illustrihus exemplis. 
 
 It must not be wondered at, that People so 
 generally get drunk, since in this they follow 
 the Examples of great Kings, amongst whom 
 are very few that this verse of Ovid, which Guy 
 Patin applied to Naudceus and Gassendi, agrees 
 with.* 
 
 " Vina fugit gaudetque meris ahstemius undis. 
 
 Flies Wine abstemious, but the limpid Stream 
 Pure and unmixed his thirsty Heat subdues. 
 
 And, perhaps, this is the reason, why in 
 
 * Esprit de Pat. p. 22.
 
 68 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Comedies they bestow crowns to those that are 
 drunk. 
 
 Quid ego video 
 
 P. S. Cum corona ebrium Pseudolum meum*. 
 
 And in Amphytrion, Mercury says, 
 Ho inter & capiam ornatum qui potius decet. 
 
 
 I'll go in and take the Ornament which 
 better becomes me." For he had said a little 
 before, 
 
 Capiam coronam in caput, assimulaho me esse 
 ehrium. 
 
 I'll put a Crown upon my Head and feign 
 myself Drunk. 
 
 Lipsiusf furnished me with these Examples. 
 
 But I should never have done, if I endea- 
 voured to give a List of all the Kings that got 
 drunk. 
 
 Quorum si nomina quceras 
 
 <( 
 
 Promptius expediam quot amaverat Hippia 
 
 mceciios, 
 Quot Themison wgros autumno occiderat uno."^ 
 
 * Plautus. 
 
 t Ant. Lect. Lib. 3. 
 
 X Juvenal, Satire 10, v. 220.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 69 
 Whose Names, if you require, 
 
 With greater Expedition could I tell, 
 
 To Hippia's Lust, how many prostrate fell; 
 
 How many only in one Autimm died, 
 
 By Doctoi-s, and their Slip-slops ill applied. 
 
 I shall content myself, therefore, to instance 
 some of the most illustrious, as they come into 
 my mind, without observing any certain order. 
 
 Alexander the Great fii^t offers himself to my 
 imagination. It will be sufficient to mention his 
 name, without saying any more. Nomen non 
 amplius addam. 
 
 CcBsar, to make use of Balzac's Words, was 
 not always the sober destroyer of the Common- 
 wealth, and he did not at all times hate the plea- 
 sure of drinking. 
 
 Camhyses was also very much given to Wine, 
 as may be judged by what I am going to say. 
 This Prince having been told by one of his 
 courtiers, that the people took notice he got 
 drunk too often, taking, some time after, his 
 Bow and Arrow, shot the son of that courtier 
 through the heart, saying no more than this to 
 the Father. 7s this the act of a drunkard? 
 
 Darius, the first King of Persia, had these 
 words put upon his tomb. 
 
 Vinum multum hihere potui idque perferre. 
 
 I could drink much wine and bear it well.
 
 70 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 King Antigonns may come in here. jElian 
 reports of this Prince, that one day when he 
 was much in drink, meeting Ze7io the Philoso- 
 pher, whom he had a great Kindness for, he 
 kissed him, and promised to give him whatever 
 he would desire, Zeno only answered mildly. 
 Go mid ease your Stomach, hy vomiting, that's 
 all I ask of you at present. 
 
 Philip, King of Macedon, got drunk some- 
 times; witness what a Woman, whom he had 
 not done Justice to, said to him, viz. I appeal 
 from Philip drunk, to Philip when sober. 
 
 * Bionysius the younger, Tyrant of Sicily, 
 was sometimes drunk for nine days successively ; 
 he drank himself almost blind, and the Lords 
 of his Court, to flatter him, pretended they them- 
 selves could scarce see, so that they neither eat 
 nor drank but what he reached to them. 
 
 Tiberius was called Biherius, because of his 
 excessive attachment to drinking; in derision, 
 they changed his Surname of Nero, into Mero. 
 
 Bonosus was a terrible Drinker, if one may 
 give any Credit to his own Historian, Flavius 
 Vopiscus. He used to make Ambassadors, that 
 came to him from Foreign Powers, drunk, in 
 order, by that means, to discover their secret 
 Instructions. 
 
 *^lian, Chap. 6.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 71 
 
 * Maximin the Father, drank very often a 
 Pot containing two Gallons. One might very 
 well, therefore, have given him this Epitaph. 
 
 Hie jacet amphora vini. 
 
 Trajan and Nerva, those excellent Princes, 
 took sometimes a pleasure in getting drunk. 
 
 Galernis Maximinus, who, according to 
 Aurelius Victor, was a Prince of sweet Temper, 
 and loved Men of Probity and Letters, had a 
 very great Passion for Wine, and frequently 
 got drunk. Having once given Orders when 
 he was in this Condition, which he repented of 
 when sober, he solemnly forbad any one to 
 obey such Orders, that he should give, when 
 he should get dnink for the future. 
 
 * J. Capitolin.
 
 CHAP. XIII. 
 
 Of Philosophers that used to get Drunk. 
 
 THO' the Example and Authority of Philo- 
 sophers prove nothing, yet one must not 
 imagine with Boileau, 
 
 " Que sans Aristote, 
 
 " La Baison ne voit goute, & le hen sens redote. 
 
 That Reason, void of Aristotle's Rule. 
 Insipid grows, good Sense a doating Fool. 
 
 It is, however, very true, that we shall find 
 ourselves wonderfully disposed to get fuddled, 
 when we consider that those of Antiquity, for 
 whom we have most respect and veneration, 
 have made no manner of difficulty to get drunk 
 sometimes, and have praised Drunkenness, not 
 only by their Actions, but Discourse. This I 
 am going plainly to make appear. I begin with 
 the Seven Sages of Greece, who were acknow- 
 ledged as such by all Antiquity. These Philo- 
 sophers did not look upon Drunkenness as a 
 Thing incompatible with Virtue, of which they 
 made strict Profession. History tells us, that 
 they drank largely at the Entertainment Peri- 
 ander the Tyrant, or King of Corinth, gave 
 them.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 73 
 
 Solon, that famous, yet so rigid Legislator 
 of the Atheniatis, composed a Song in the 
 Praise of Wine, in which he introduced Venus 
 and the Muses. Seneca is of Opinion, that he 
 was suspected to be as much given to Wine as 
 Arcesilans. * And M. Chevreau observes very 
 well, that " the Wisdom of Solon was not of 
 " such an Austerity, as to frighten People, 
 " when he said. That the Ladies, Wine, and the / 
 " Muses, were the Pleasures of Human Life.'* 
 
 Zeno, whose Philosophy was so severe, got, 
 notwithstanding, drunk sometimes. Being, one 
 Day at an Entertainment, he was asked how he 
 came to be so joyful, he answered, that he was 
 like Lupines, which were bitter naturally, but 
 grew sweet after they were moistened. 
 
 Socrates, whom the Oracle declared the 
 wisest Man of Greece, was, in like manner, a 
 very great Drinker. ]\I. Charpentier, in his 
 life, tells us, That tho' he did not love to 
 drink, yet when he was forced to it, no one 
 could come up to him; and, that he had this 
 wonderful Happiness, as not afterwards to find 
 himself incommoded by it. 
 
 Cato, that Hero of Stoicism, got drunk some- 
 times, in order to relax his Mind, fatigued with 
 the Cares of publick Employment. These are 
 the very Words of Seneca, Cato vino laxahat 
 
 * Solonem & Arcesilaum credunt idulcisse vino.
 
 74 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 animum curls puhlicis fatigatum. And the same 
 Author says elsewhere, that " People reproach- 
 " ed Cato with Drunkenness, but that Re- 
 " proaeh was rather an Honour to him than 
 " otherwise." Catoni ebrietas ohjecta est, & faci- 
 lius efficiet quisquis ohjecerit Jionestum quam 
 turpem Catonem. Horace gives us the same 
 Idea of the great Cato, in these Words. 
 
 '^ Narratur & prisci Catonis 
 " Scepe mero caluisse virtus. 
 
 Tradition tells, that oftentimes with Wine, 
 Ev'n Cato's Virtue moisten 'd, shone Divine. 
 
 If one knew the Scythian Pliilosopher Ana- 
 charsis, no otherwise than by his Apothegms 
 against Wine and Drunkenness, one would 
 take him for the soberest Man in the World, 
 but we know very well that his Theory varied 
 very much upon this Point, and no way agreed 
 with his Practice. One Day above the rest, 
 having got drunk at an Entertainment given by 
 Lyhis, Brother to Pittacus, he demanded the 
 Prize that was to be given to the greatest 
 Drinker. With which Action, when he was 
 afterwards reproached, he reply 'd, " Can a 
 " Man better signalize himself in Battle than 
 " by glorious Wounds? And at Table, than 
 " with that Gaiety you call Drunkenness? Did 
 " not Homer, the wisest of your Poets, make
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 75 
 
 " not only Agamemnon drunk, but Jupiter too, 
 " and made Nectar How in full Goblets at the 
 " Table of the Gods?"* ^lian"^ also tells us, 
 that this Philosopher drank largely at Perian- 
 der's Feasts, and alledg-ed for an Excuse, that to 
 drink a great deal was essential to the Scythians. 
 
 Plato, Another Hero of antiquity, not only 
 permitted, but commanded that people should 
 get drunk at certain times. To prove what I 
 say, one has no more to do than to read his 
 Laws. 
 
 Seneca, who was so severe a Philosopher, at 
 least his religious precepts would make one think 
 him so, thought it no harm, now and then to 
 get drunk, and ranges Drunkenness amongst 
 the means he prescribes to maintain the strength 
 and vigor of the Mind. I have quoted what he 
 says in this respect, in the first and second chap- 
 ter of this work. 
 
 The Philosopher Arcesilaus, who lived about 
 the 120th Olympiad, might be reckoned amongst 
 those Avho loved Wine, since he died by drinking 
 too much of it unmixed. A greater, and more 
 convincing proof of his sincere love of the Crea- 
 ture could not be given. 
 
 For he that haugs, or beats out Brains, 
 The Devil's in him if he feigns|. 
 
 * Hist. Sep. Sap. 
 fLib. 2. 2. 
 J Hudibras.
 
 76 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 
 
 *Xenocrates, one of the most illustrious Phi- 
 losopliei-s of ancient Greece, and of a virtue very 
 rigid and severe, got drunk sometimes, ^lian 
 has put his name into the Catalogue of those 
 who loved drinking, and could bear a great deal 
 of liquor. Athenaus, says this Philosopher, 
 gained the Crown of Gold w'hich the tyrant of 
 Syracuse had promised him that should empty a 
 certain measure of Wine. Diogenes Laertius 
 confirms this last particular. " He had more- 
 " over acquired such an empire over his passi- 
 ' ' ons, that a very beautiful Courtesan (Phryne) 
 " who had laid a wager she could subdue his 
 " virtue, lost it, tho' she had the liberty to lie 
 " with him, and use all her little toyings to in- 
 " cite him to enjoy her." You see here (adds 
 Mr. Bayle) a triumph as remarkable as that of 
 St. Aldhelme, and some other canonised Saints, 
 ■who came off victorious on such Attacks. 
 
 ■\Cicero assures us, That Stilpo of Megera, 
 the Philosopher, a man of much wit and ability 
 for the times he lived in, loved Wine as well as 
 Women; and, that his friends wrote this of 
 him in his praise and not dishonour. 
 
 Athenceus says, that the Philosophers Lacides 
 and Timon, once upon a time, past two whole 
 days successively in drinking, ^lian puts their 
 names into his Catalogue of hard drinkers; to 
 
 * Bayle Diet. Art. Xenoc. 
 t Lib. de Fab.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 77 
 
 which he adds Amasis, the Lawgiver of the 
 Egyptians. 
 
 Chrysippus the Philosopher, native of Solos, 
 a town of Cilicia, or of Tkarsus, according to 
 others, got drunk pretty often. It is said, that 
 some of his disciples, having prevailed upon 
 him. to come to a Sacrifice, he drank so much 
 pure Wine, that he died five days afterwards. 
 There are other Authors, however, will have it, 
 that he died of immoderate Laughter, seeing an 
 Ass eat figs out of a dish, and upon which he 
 commanded they should give him drink.
 
 CHAP. XIV. 
 Of Poets that used to get Drnnk. 
 
 AS Wine is the Poets great horse, so it must 
 not be wondered at, that the major part 
 of them fuddle their noses; for, in reality, they 
 cannot properly be said to be mounted on their 
 great horses, till they haA^e drank pretty hearti- 
 ly. These gentlemen speak then on horseback, 
 for the discourse of Poets is quite opposite to 
 that of Orators, which Horace says, is a dis- 
 course on foot,* but when they drink nothing, 
 we can only say, that they are mounted upon. 
 
 The attachment that Homer had to Wine, ap- 
 peal's in the frequent Eulogiums he gives that li- 
 quor. And if we examine Anacreon ever so 
 little, we shall find his inclinations, as well as 
 his verses, were divided between AVine and 
 Love. As much delicacy and fine turns as one 
 finds m his works, an honest man cannot see 
 without indignation, but that they tend absolute- 
 ly to debauch. One must drink, one must love. 
 The moments that are not employed in the Plea- 
 sures of the Senses arc lost. Pausanias tells us, 
 that he saw at Athens the Statue of Anacreon, 
 which represented him drunk and singing. 
 
 Sermo pedestris.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 79 
 
 The Poet Philoxenus ^vislled that he had a 
 neck as long as a Crane, that he might the 
 longer have the pleasure of swallowing wine, and 
 enjoy its delicious taste. 
 
 Ion the Poet of Chios, was not much more 
 sober in respect of wine, according to JElian 
 and Euripides. 
 
 Horace must by no means be forgotten, whose 
 satires derive from the Grape their sprightful- 
 ness and gaity. 
 
 Timocreoti of Rhodes a comic Poet in the 
 75th Olympiad, was a great drinker. Athcnmus 
 has given of him this epitaph. 
 
 Multa hihens & multa vorans, mala plurima di- 
 
 cens 
 Midtis hie jaceo Timocreon Rhodius. 
 
 To these we may add Alceiis and Ennius, of 
 whom we have already made mention ; but what 
 signifies this enumeration, since it is most cer- 
 tain, that almost all the Poets in the world, of 
 all ages, got drunk, which puts them under the 
 protection of Bacchus. This made them hereto- 
 fore in Rome, celebrate once a year, in the 
 month of March, a festival in honour to this 
 God, with solemn sacrifices. What Ovid* has 
 said on this point, puts the matter out of all 
 doubt. 
 
 * Trist. 5. 3.
 
 80 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " Ilia dies hcec est, qua te celehrare poetce 
 " Si modo noil fallunt tempora, Bacche, solent, 
 
 " Festaque odoratis innectunt tempora sertis 
 " Et dicunt laudes ad tua vina tuas. 
 
 " Inter quos memini, dum me mea fata sinehant, 
 " Non iiivisa tihi pars ego sepce fui. 
 
 This is the day, unless the times are chang'd, 
 
 That Poets us'd to sing in merry lays, 
 And with sweet garlands crown 'd, promiscuous 
 rang 'd 
 To thy rich wines, great Bacchus, chaunt thy 
 praise. 
 With these gay chorists, when my fates were 
 kind, 
 Free, unreserv'd, to thee, immortal power 
 (The pleasing object fresh salutes my mind) 
 Without disguise, a part I often bore.
 
 CHAP. XV. 
 
 Of Free Masons and other learned Men, that 
 used to get Drunh. 
 
 IF what Brother Eugenius Philalethes Author X 
 of Long Livers, a book lately printed, and 
 dedicated to the Free Masons, says in his pre- 
 face* to that treatise, be true, those mystical 
 Gentlemen very well deserve a place among:st 
 the learned. But without entering into their 
 peculiar jargon, or whether a man be sacri- 
 legiously perjured for revealing Secrets, when 
 he has none, I do assure my readers, they are 
 very great friends to the Vintners. An Eye- 
 witness of this was I myself, at their late general 
 meeting at Stationer's Hall, who having learned 
 some of their Catechism, passed my examina- 
 tion, paid my five shillings, and took my place 
 accordingly. 
 
 We had a good dinner, and to their eternal 
 honour, the brotherhood laid about them very 
 
 * Vide Preface, p. 17. 1. 6. where are these words, 
 viz. — Thus shall Princes love and cherish you as their 
 most faithful Children and Servants, and take delight to 
 commune with you, in as much as amongst you are found 
 Men excellent in all kinds of Sciences, and who, thereby, 
 may make their names, who love and cherish you, Im- 
 mortal.
 
 82 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 valiantly. They saw then their high dignity; 
 they saw what they were, acted accordingly, and 
 shewed themselves (what they ivere) Men.* The 
 Westphalia Hams and Chickens, with good 
 Plumb Pudding, not forgetting the delicious 
 Salmon, were plentifully sacrificed, with copious 
 libations of wine for the consolation of the Bro- 
 therhood. But whether, after a very disedifying 
 manner their demolishing huge walls of Venison 
 Pasty, be building up a spiritual house, I leave 
 the brother Eugenius Philalethes to determine. 
 However, I do them justice, I must own, there 
 was no mention made of politics or religion, so 
 well do they seem to follow the advice of that 
 Author.f And when the music began to play, 
 Let the King enjoy his own again, they were im- 
 mediately reprimanded by a person of great 
 gravity and science. 
 
 The Bottle, in the mean while, went merrily 
 about, and the following healths were begun by 
 a great man, the King, Prince and Princess, 
 and the Royal Family; the Church as by law 
 established; Prosperity to old England under 
 the present Administration; and Love, Liberty, 
 and Science, which were unanimously pledged 
 in full Bumpers, attended with loud huzzas! 
 
 The Faces then of the most antient and most 
 
 * Page 6. 1. 9. 
 fPage 16. 1. 19.
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 83 
 
 honourahle Fraternity of the Free Masons, 
 bri<ihtened Math ruddy Fires; their Eyes illu- 
 minated, resplendent blazed. 
 
 Well fare ye, merry Hearts, thought I, hail 
 ye illustrious Topers, if Liherty and Freedom, 
 ye free Mortals, is your essential Difference, 
 richly distinguishes you from all others, and is, 
 indeed, the very Soul and Spirit of the Brother- 
 hood, according to the Brother Eugenius Phila- 
 lethes* I know not who may be your Alma 
 Mater, but undoubtedly Bacchus is your Liher 
 Pater. 
 
 'Tis Wine, yc Masons, makes you free. 
 Bacchus the Father is of Liherty. 
 
 But leaving the Free Masons, and their in- 
 valuable Secrets, for I know not what they are 
 worth, come we now to speak of other Men of 
 Learning, who loved to indulge their Genius 
 with the delicious Juice of the Grape. And 
 here we need not fly to Antiquity, which would 
 swell this Work into a large Volume, later Times 
 will furnish us with many a bright Example. 
 Non semper confugiamus ad vetera. 
 
 A Man of Learning, after ten or twelve 
 Hours daily Study, cannot do better, than to 
 unbend his Mind in drinking plentifully of the 
 
 * Page 5. 1. 12. Page 42. 1. 13.
 
 84 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Creature; and may not such a one say to him- 
 self these Verses of the French Poet. 
 
 " Dois-je mal a propos secher a faire un livre 
 " Et n'avoir pour tout fruit des peines que je 
 
 0)rends 
 " Que la haine de sots & les mepris des grands* 
 
 Why should I pass away my Time in vain, 
 And to compose a Book, dry up my Brain, 
 When all the Recorapence I'm like to find, 
 For all the Toil and Labour of my Mind, 
 Is the unthinking silly Ideot's Hate, 
 And the Contempt and Scorn of all the Great. 
 
 I must own I would have the indefatigable 
 Labour of such a one gain an immortal Repu- 
 tation after his Death; but after all, to weary- 
 one's self all one's life long, ^vith those Views, 
 is very chimerical. And certainly, he that makes 
 but little Account of the Honours that might 
 accrue to him after his Death, acted like a Man 
 of Sense. Si venit post fata gloria non propero.-f 
 
 Is it not infinitely better to divert one's self 
 while one lives, than to idle all one's life away 
 in poring upon Books? Much better will the 
 following song become the mouth of a man of 
 letters, which I have transcribed out of the 31 er- 
 cure Galant, of the year 1711, p. 67. 
 
 * Oeuv. div. du Sieur D 'Espreaux, p. 246. 
 f Martial.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 85 
 
 *' De ceux qui vivent dans VHistorie, 
 
 " Ma fois je n'envierai le sort. 
 
 " Nargues du Temple de Memorie 
 
 " Ou I' on ne vit que lorsque I' on est mort. 
 
 '' J'aime hien mienx vivre pendant ma vie 
 
 "Pour hoire avec Silvie; 
 
 '' Car je sentirai 
 
 " Les momens que je vivrai 
 
 " Tant que je hoirai." 
 
 Faith I shan't envy hhn, whoe'er he be, 
 
 That Glorious lives in History ; 
 
 Nor Memorie 's rich Fane amuse my head, 
 
 Where no one lives but when he's dead. 
 
 I had much rather while I life enjoy, 
 
 The precious moments all employ, 
 
 With my lov'd Silvia, and delicioiLS Wine, 
 
 Both wonderful and both divine. 
 
 For that I truly live, and healthy prove. 
 
 Is that I drink, and that I love. 
 
 This is exactly the same thing that Racan said 
 to Maynard in this Ode*. 
 
 " Je sai, Maynard, que les merveilles 
 " Qui naissent de tes longues veilles 
 " Vivront ant ant que I'TInivers; 
 " Mais que te sert il que ta gloir 
 " Eclipse au Temple de Memoire 
 
 * Pamass. Franc, p. 97.
 
 86 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 a 
 (( 
 
 (( 
 a 
 
 Quand tu seras mange des vers? 
 Quitte cette inutile peine, 
 Biwons plutot a longue haleine 
 De ce doux jus delicieux, 
 Qui pour I'excellence precede 
 Le Bruvage que Ganimede 
 Verse dans la coupe des Dieux, 
 
 Maynard, I know thy thoughts express 'd in 
 
 rhinie, 
 Those wonders of thy bright immortal pen, 
 Shall live for ever in the minds of men, 
 Till vast eternity shall swallow time. 
 Yet should thy glories, now so radiant bright, 
 In Memory's rare Temple lose their light; 
 Suffer eclipse, when to the worms a prey, 
 Those reptiles eat thy poor remains away. 
 Does this reflection chagrin thee, my Friend, 
 Thus to the useless thought decree an end? 
 Drink, and drink largely, that delicious juice, 
 The Em 'raid Vines in purple gems produce. 
 Which for its excellence surpasses far 
 
 That liquor, which to bright celestial souls, 
 Jove's minion, Ganimede, with steady care, 
 
 Richly dispenses in immortal bowls. 
 
 So much for Poetry, let us cone to the point, 
 and instance some learned men that have loved 
 this diversion. And first, enter Erasmus, who 
 certainly was no enemy to wine, since he chose
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 87 
 
 rather to continue where the Plague was, than 
 drink Water. To prove this, I shall instance 
 part of a Letter written to this great Man, by 
 Ammonius an Italian and very learned person. 
 Immediately after my arrival in England I en- 
 deavoured to inform myself where you were, 
 because in your last you told me, the Plague 
 had forced you to quit Cambndge. At 
 length I was told for certain, that you had 
 indeed left the town, but retiring to a place 
 where there was no wime, which to you being 
 worse than the Plague, you returned thither, 
 and where you now are. intrepid soldier 
 of Bacchus, whom so imminent a danger could 
 not compel to desert his general ! ' ' The La- 
 tin having much more force, for the sake of 
 those who understand that language, I shall t^ke 
 the liberty to insert it, as follows:— /S^mw/- atque 
 Anglicum solum tetigi, uhi locorum esses rogare 
 cepi, siquidem Cantabrigiensem pestem fugere te 
 scripsisi. Unus tandem sixtinus mihi dixit te 
 quidem Cantabrigiam. Oh pestem reliquisse & 
 concessisse nescio quo, uhi cum vini penuria laho- 
 rares, & eo carere gravius peste duceres, Canta- 
 brigam repeiiise atque ihi nunc esse. fortem 
 Bassarei commilitonem, qui in summo periculo 
 ducem decerere noluens*. 
 
 Daniel Heinsius loved to drink a little. One 
 
 Bayle Diet. Art. Ammon.
 
 88 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Day, when he was not in a condition to read 
 his Lectures, having got drunk the day before, 
 some arch-wags fixed these words on the School 
 door: Daniel Heinshis, non leget Jiodie, propter 
 hesternam carpulam*. 
 
 George Sharpe, a Scotch Man, professor, and 
 Vice-Chancellor of Montpelier, who died in the 
 year 1673, on his Birth-day, aged 59 Years was 
 a great drunkardf. 
 
 Barthius may also be reckoned amongst those 
 learned topers, if what Coloniez says be true. 
 '' I knew," says he, "some learned men in 
 " Holland, who spoke of Scriverius as of a man 
 " extremely amorous. M. Vossius, amongst 
 " others, related to me one day, that Barthius 
 " being come from Germany to Harlaem to see 
 " Scriverius, had in his company a Lady per- 
 " feetly beautiful, whom Scriverius had no soon- 
 " er seen, but he found means to make Barthius 
 " drunk, that he might entertain the Lady with 
 " greater liberty, which he accomplished. It 
 " was not, however, so well managed, but Bar- 
 " thins coming to himself, had some reason to 
 " suspect what had past, which grew so much 
 " upon him, that he took the Lady along with 
 " him in a rage, and drowned her in the 
 '' Bhine%." 
 
 * Menagian, T. 1. p. 26. 
 
 f Patinian, p. 106. 
 
 % Eee. de partic. p. 318. Ed. 4.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 89 
 
 Scaliger treats as a drunkard John Kukliri, a 
 Calvinist Minister, Native of Hesse, and a very 
 learned man*. 
 
 ** Nicholas de Bourhon, of Bar sur I'Auhe, 
 ' was Nephew's Son to the Poet Nicolas Bour- 
 ' hon, who lived in the time of Francis the 
 'first; after having been King's Professor, 
 ' then Canon of Langres, made himself a Fa- 
 
 ' ther of the Oratory He was a prodi- 
 
 ' gious dry Soul, and loved good Wine, which 
 ' made him often say, That tho' he was of the 
 ' French Academy, yet that when he read 
 ' French Verses, he fancied he was drinking 
 ' Water. 
 
 The great Buchanan, so famous for his fine 
 Writings, was a terrible Drinker, if we may 
 give any Credit to Father Garasse. What 
 follows is taken out of his Doctrine Curieuse, 
 p. 748. " I shall, says he, recount to our 
 " new Atheists, the miserable End of a Man 
 " of their Belief and Hiunour, as to eating 
 " and drinking. The Libertine having pa^ed 
 " his debauched Youth in Paris, and Bour- 
 " cleaux, more diligent in finding out Tavern 
 " Bushes, than the Laurel of Parnassus; and 
 " being towards the latter End of his Life, 
 " recalled into Scotland, to instruct the young 
 " Prince, James Vlth, continuing his Intem- 
 
 Scaliger, p. 409.
 
 90 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 perance, he grew at last so dropsical by 
 drinking, that by way of Jeer, he said he 
 was in Labour. Vino intercute, not aqua 
 intercut e. As ill as he was, he would, how- 
 ever, not abstain from drinking bmnpers, and 
 then too all of pure wine, as he used to do 
 at Bourdeaux. The physicians who had care 
 of his health, by order of the King, seeing the 
 extravagant excesses of their patient, told him 
 roundly, and in a kind of heat, that he did 
 all he could to kill himself, and that, if he con- 
 tinued this course of life, he could not live 
 above a Fortnight or three Weeks longer. 
 He desired them then to hold a consultation 
 amongst themselves, and let him know how 
 long he might live if he abstained from wine. 
 They did so, and told him, he might, on 
 that condition five or six years longer. Upon 
 which he gave them an answer worthy his 
 humour. Go, says he, with your Regimens 
 and Prescriptions, and know, that I had rather 
 live three Weeks, and get drimk every Day, 
 than six Years without drinking Wine. And 
 as soon as he had thus dismissed the Physi- 
 cians, he caused a Barrel of Wine of Grave 
 to be placed at his Bed's Head, resolving to 
 see the Bottom of it before he died; and 
 carried himself so valiantly in this Encoun- 
 ter, that he drank it up to the Lees, fulfil- 
 ling literally the Contents of this quaint
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 91 
 
 " Epigram of Epigonus upon a Frog, who fall- 
 " ing into a Pipe of Wine, cried out, 
 
 <I>su TtVes v8w^ 
 Trtvocri /xavLrjV cr<ij</)s^va /xatvo/ACvot. 
 
 " Having Death and the Glass between his 
 " Teeth, the Ministers visited him to bring 
 " him to himself, that he might take Resolu- 
 " tion to die with some Thought and Reflee- 
 " tion, one of them especially exhorted him to 
 " recite the Lord's Prayer, upon which, open- 
 " ing his Eyes, he looked very ghastly upon 
 " the Minister; And what is that, says he, 
 '' that you call the Lord's Prayer f The Stan- 
 " ders by answer 'd. It was the Our Father; 
 " and that, if he could not pronounce that 
 *' Prayer, they desired him, that at least he 
 " would recite some Christian Prayer, that he 
 " might die like a good Man. For my part, 
 " replied he, I never knew any other Prayer 
 " than this, 
 
 " Cynthia prima suis miserum me cepit ocellis, 
 '^ Cantractum nullis ante cupidinihus. 
 
 Cynthia's fine Eyes, me wretched, first could 
 
 move, 
 Before that Time I knew not what was Love. 
 
 " And scarce had he repeated ten or twelve 
 " Verses of that Elegy of Propertius, but he
 
 92 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " expired, surrounded with Cups and Glasses, 
 " and of him one may really say, that he vo- 
 " mited his Purple Soul out, Purpurceam vomit 
 '' ille Animam* 
 
 I shall not vouch for the Truth of this Story, 
 but you have it as I find it; nor must it be ex- 
 pected that Buchanan, who was their mortal 
 Enemy, should find any Favour from the 
 Priests of the Church of Rome. 
 
 Justus Lipsius got sometimes drunk, he tells 
 us so himself, in his Commentary on Seneca, 
 for in that Passage where the Philosopher says. 
 That Drunkenness cures some certain Distem- 
 pers, he makes on the Word Distempers this 
 remark following. Melancholy (We know it 
 BY experience) or Cold. And in the discourses 
 which he says were carried on between Carrio 
 Demius, and Dusa, upon subjects of literature, 
 and which he inserts in his ant lent lessons, they 
 had always a glass in their hand. 
 
 Every one knows that Bauddus, Professor of 
 tlie University of Leyden, was a great drinker, 
 and Culpnt himself pleads guilty to the indict- 
 ment. Habemus rerum confitentem. Here fol- 
 low his own words, wliich I own I cannot trans- 
 late without losing their beauty in the Latin, but 
 the substance is, that he desires envy itself to say 
 any thing against him but, that like the antient 
 
 Bayle Diet. Art. Buchan. D.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 93 
 
 Caio, he drank pretty liberally of the juice of 
 the Grape. Conciirrant omnes, says he, non dicam 
 ut ille satiricus, Augurcs, Haruspices, sed quic- 
 quid est uhique homimim conosorum, qui in 
 aliena acta tarn sedulo iniquirunt ut ea fingant 
 qucB nunquam fuerunt, nihil inveniet quod in 
 nohis carpere possit livor, quam quod interdum 
 ad exemplum prisci Catonii liheralitatis invitare 
 nos patiamur, nee semper constitimus ultra 
 sohri-etatent' veterimi Sahinorum* And in 
 another Letter he says, that the most virulent 
 detractor could never reproach him with any 
 thing, but, that he got sometimes drunk. Malig- 
 nitas ohtrectatorunh nihil aliud in nohis sigillare 
 potest quarti quod nimis commodus sum con- 
 vivator, & interdum largius adspargor rare liheri 
 patris.j 
 
 Balzac made also some little debauches with 
 some of his friends at his comitry house ; and 
 what he wrote to an officer who was then priso- 
 ner in Germany, makes it evidently appear, 
 that he thought it lawful so to do. ' * In relation, 
 " says he, to the German manner of drinking 
 * ' healths, which you speak of ^^dth such trouble, 
 " as if they were so many Turkish Bastinadoes. 
 " I think your sobriety in that respect to be a 
 *' little too delicate, you must learn to howl 
 
 *Ep. 33. Centur. 3. 
 fEp. 26. Centur. 33.
 
 94 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 when you are in the company of Wolves, as 
 the Proverb has it, and not to instance great 
 Generals; don't you know, that wise Ambas- 
 sadors of Kings have heretofore got drunk, 
 for the good of their Mastei*s at^airs, and sa- 
 crificed all their prudence and gravity to the 
 necessity of great men, and the custom of the 
 Country where they were. I do not advise 
 you here to any forbidden acts of intempe- 
 rance, but I think it no manner of harm now 
 and then to drown your Chagrin in Rhenish 
 wine, and to make use of that agreeable 
 means to shorten the time, the long continu- 
 ance of which is ever extremely tedious to 
 prisoners.* 
 
 The illustrious Professor of Utrecht, whose 
 name shall live as long as the Republic of letters 
 shall subsist, was a great drinker, and valued 
 himself for drinking a great deal. It is reported 
 of this learned man, that at the Congress of the 
 last peace, a certain German Prince, of a Sove- 
 reign house^ came on purpose to have a Brush 
 with our Professor, who accepted the challenge, 
 and came otf victorious, having fairly laid his 
 Enemy speechless on the Floor. 
 
 * Lett, ehois. lib. 2. Let. 5.
 
 CHAP. XVI. 
 
 Of Nations that used to get Drunk. 
 
 THE Plot now begins to thicken npon us, 
 and we are come to give an account of such 
 Nations with whom the custom of getting drunk 
 was heretofore verj^ much in vogue ; and of 
 those Mdth whom this same custom reigns at 
 this very day. 
 
 AVhen Ave consult antient Histories upon this 
 point, we learn from Plato* that the Scythi- 
 ans, Thracians, Celtm, and Iberians, were the 
 greatest drinkers that ever were. AHiaii'f says 
 the same, in relation to the Thracians and 
 Illyrians. It is also reported of the ParthiansX 
 that the more they drink, the more thirsty they 
 grow. 
 
 Atheneus% also assures us, that the Thracians 
 were great drinkers; and he says the same 
 thing of the Milesians, Illyrians, Lydians, Per- 
 sians, Carthaginians, Gauls and Spaniards. 
 
 The Tapyrians were so much given to wine, 
 
 •Lips. Cent. 3. Ep. 51. 
 fLib. 2. cap. 15. 
 X Erasm. Adag. 
 §Lib. 10. cap. 10.
 
 96 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 that they past their whole lives in drinking, 
 and even bathed their bodies in wine.* 
 
 The Tarentians used to drink from morning 
 till night, and got quite drunk in public. f 
 
 The Leontins, a people in Sicily, were such 
 great diTinkards, that they occasioned this pro- 
 verb, viz. the Leontins are always near a cup of 
 wine.lj: 
 
 The Byzantins must not be refused a place 
 in this Chapter, ^lian reports,^ that Leonides, 
 their General, being besieged, and unable to 
 make his men keep their posts, which they 
 quitted every moment to go and get drunk at 
 the taverns, he immediately gave orders that 
 the vintners should repair with all their liquors 
 to the ramparts, by which stratagem he kept 
 them to their duty. 
 
 But as it may be said, that the Nations we 
 have already mentioned were all barbarous, we 
 shall, for that reason, verify what Montaigne 
 says, that amongst Nations the best regulated, 
 and most polite, this Essay of Drinking deep 
 was very much in use.\\ 
 
 The Greeks, whom one may look upon as 
 the only Nation in the world for politeness and 
 
 * ^lian, lib. 3. cap. 13. 
 
 t Lib. 12. 
 
 :j: Forner de Ebriet. lib. 1. cap. 12. 
 
 § Lib. 3. cap. 14. 
 
 II Essays, 1. 2. cap. 2.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 97 
 
 good sense, are a proof of what I advance. 
 They celebrated the Feasts of Bacchus with a 
 great deal of solemnity ; 'tis from them that Per- 
 grwcari, of M^hich every one knows the significa- 
 tion, is derived. Ailian assures us, they were 
 so very luxurious, that they put perfumed oils 
 into their wine, which they called wine of 
 Myrrh. 
 
 The Romans had also a very strong passion 
 for wine, so that at Fome there were frequently 
 very great seditions for want of it. Seditiones 
 sunt concitatce graves oh inopiam vini*, says 
 Ammianus Marcelliniis, in the life of Constan- 
 tius and Galhis; and in the reign of Constantius 
 only, the same Historian says, there was a sedi- 
 tion also upon that very account. 
 
 Titus Livius tells us, that the Clusians passed 
 the Alps, and came to inhabit the country that 
 the Etrurians possessed before, to have the 
 pleasure of drinking winef. 
 
 Let us now descend to some Nations, with 
 whom, at present, this custom of getting drunk 
 is received. 
 
 Sir Paul BicautX assures us, that the Turks 
 considering that wine rejoices the heart, and 
 comforts the stomach, have begun to drink it; 
 
 * Hist. Aug. Script. Ed. 1609. Fol. p. 414. & p. 425. 
 
 fP. 85. 
 
 X Hist, of the Turks.
 
 98 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 adding, that at present there are only a few 
 (Ulamah) ecclesiastical hypocrites, or some ig- 
 norant bigots, or superannuated people, that 
 abstain from that liquor, but at the same time 
 drunkenness is grov^^l very common amongst 
 them. 
 
 M. Du Mont confirms this truth, "As to 
 " wine," says he, " tho' it be as expressly for- 
 " bidden as srnne's flesh, it is nevertheless very 
 " certain, that a great many Maliometans traiis- 
 " gress that precept, and the juste.st thing that 
 " I can say in that respect is, that abstinence 
 " from wine is observed there almost after the 
 " same manner as Lent in France.'"* 
 
 The Persians too drink wine to excess, tho' 
 their Law forbids the use of it ; and they say for 
 an excuse, " That it is to pass away the time, 
 J_' and sweeten the cares that surprize them." 
 The Armenians are no way behind the Per- 
 sians, if we may believe Tavernicr, who says, 
 that with them, " He that treats thinks he has 
 " handsomely acquitted himself of his enter- 
 " tainment, if his guests cannot find the door 
 " when they have a mind to go home, w^iich 
 " would very often happen, without the assis- 
 " tance of their servants, who lead them, and 
 " yet have not power enough sometimes to keep 
 " them from falling down in the Room, or in 
 
 Voyage, T. 3, Let. 5.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 99 
 
 " the Street, Avhich is a great satisfaction to the 
 ' ' host ; for if he finds any of them master of so 
 " much judgment as to guide himself, tho' he 
 " reels never so much, he laments very much, 
 " as having the misfortune of spending his 
 " money to no purpose."* 
 
 The Siameze drink wine very heartily when 
 they can get it, tho' every thing that may intox- 
 icate them is forbidden by their Law.f 
 
 Father le Clcrc, author of a relation of Gas- 
 pesia, assures us, that drunkenness is the favou- 
 rite vice of the inhabitants of that countryt. 
 
 The Inhabitants of the Coast of Africa are 
 great Drunkards; they would give all they had 
 in the World for a Glass of Brandy. At 
 Loanda, Capital of the Kingdom of Angola, 
 a Firkin of Wine sells for above 30 Pounds 
 Sterling. They love it extremely, and they 
 tell you a pleasant Story hereupon of the great 
 Duke of Baniba, which is a Province of the 
 Kingdom of Congo, viz. that he once refused 
 the Crown, as he himself owned to the Fathers 
 Missioners, that he might be always near the 
 Portugueze, and drink, by their means, some- 
 times a little Wine or Brandy §. 
 
 The Muscovites love Wine with a kind of 
 
 * Travernier 's Trav. torn. 1. lib. 5. cap. 17. 
 t Loubere, liv. 1. ch. 9. 
 $ Bibl. Univ. T. 23. p. 44. 
 § Viaggio del Congo.
 
 100 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Fury, and it has been known, that when a man 
 who has drunk to excess, and can swallow no 
 more, they wash him soundly with it. And in 
 Germany, you are not looked upon to have 
 treated your Guest like a Friend, if you do 
 not reduce him to that Condition, as quite to 
 forget himself, and know not what he does*. 
 " As Georgia produces strong Wines, so 
 its Inhabitants are great Drunkards, the 
 strongest Liquors is what they love most; 
 and at their Entertainments, they drink 
 more Brandy than Wine, Women as well 
 as Menf. 
 
 Sir John ChardinX assures us, that there is 
 no Country in the World where they drink so 
 much Wine, and more excellent, than they 
 do at Georgia; adding, that the Georgians are 
 great Drunkards, and that the Clergy get 
 drunk as well as the Laity. 
 
 Like People like Priest. 
 
 Quales Popidus talis Sacerdos. 
 
 We have taken care not to forget Germany. 
 Vocahitur hcec quoque votis. AVhich we reserve 
 to the next Chapter. 
 
 * Chevrean, T. 2. p. 215. 
 t Tavern. T. 1. liv. 3. ch. 9. 
 t Voyag. T. 2. p. 129.
 
 CHAP. XVII. 
 
 Of tJie Drunkenness of the Germans, 
 
 THE Germans were, in all Times and Ages, 
 great Drinkers, and in the Words of one 
 of their own Poets. 
 
 " Illic nohilitas, (Fterno nomine digna 
 
 " Exhaurire cados, siccareqiie pocula longa* 
 
 worthy eternal Fame! 
 
 'Tis there a Piece of true Nobility, 
 
 To empty Casks, and drink deep Goblets dry. 
 
 To demonstrate the Origin of their Bibacity, 
 it is absolutely necessary to go higher than 
 Tacitus, who, in the Treatise which he com- 
 posed in relation to their Customs and Man- 
 ners, thus speaks, "It is no shame with them 
 " to pass whole Days and Nights in drinking; 
 " but Quarrellings are very frequent amongst 
 " them, as are usual amongst Folks in that 
 " respect, and more often end at Daggers 
 " drawing than in Billingsgate. It is, how- 
 " ever, in such Meetings, that Alliances and 
 " Reconciliations are formed. Here they 
 " treat of the Election of Princes. In short, 
 
 * G. Bnisch. Inter, p. 405.
 
 102 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " of all Affairs, of Peace and War. Those 
 " Opportunities they tliink most proper, inas- 
 " much as then People shake off all Disguise 
 " of Thought and Reflection, and the Heat 
 " of Debauch engages the Soul of Man to 
 " Resolutions the most bold and hardy.* 
 
 Owen, our Country Man, has made an 
 Epitaph in Honour of these our substantial 
 Topers, the Germans; the Sense of which is, 
 That if Truth lies hidden in Wine, they are 
 the first People in the World that wall find it 
 out. His Words are, 
 
 Si latet in vino Verum, ui ProverUa dicunt, 
 Invenit verum Teuto vel inveniet. 
 
 Let us see now what Travellers have said 
 on this Subject of the Germans: And we will 
 begin with M. Aug. dc Thou, an Eye-witness 
 thereof.! " There is, says he, before Mulhau- 
 " sen, a large Place, or Square; where, dur- 
 " ing the Fair, assemble a prodigious Number 
 
 * Diem noctemque continuare nullum probrum, crebrae 
 ut inter vinolentos rixae, raro conviciis sepius cede & vul- 
 neribus transiguntur. Setl & de reconciliandis invicem 
 inimicitiis & pangendis affinitatibus & adseiscendis prin- 
 cipibus, de pace denique ae bello plerunque in conviviis 
 consultant; tanquam nullo magis tempore aut ad sim- 
 pliees cogitationes patea animus, aut ad magnas in 
 calescat. 
 
 f Memoir de Thou. liv. 2. p. 63.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 103 
 
 ( 1 
 
 " of People, of both Sexes, and of all Ages; 
 " there one may see Wives supporting their 
 " Husbands, Daughters their Fathers, totter- 
 ing upon their Horses or Asses, a true 
 ' Image of a Bacchanal. The publick Houses 
 ' are full of Drinkers, where the young Wo- 
 men who wait, pour Wine into Goblets, out 
 of a large Bottle, with a long Neck, without 
 spilling one drop. They press you to drink 
 " with Pleasantries the most agreeable in the 
 World. People drink here continually, and 
 return at all Hours to do the same Thing 
 over again. 
 
 This pleasant sight, so new to M. de Thou, 
 continues almost all Night. And what is very 
 particular amongst such a great concourse of 
 People, and such a number of Drunkards, every 
 thing passes without dispute and quarrelling. 
 
 Let us now see what the Duke de Rohan says 
 on this head, whose words are these,* " From 
 " thence I came to Trent, a place no ways 
 " agreeable, and famous for nothing but the 
 ' ' last Council which was held there ; and if 
 " it was not that it was half Italian, (being 
 " glad of coming out of little Barhary, and a 
 '' universal Tipling-house), I would take no 
 ' * notice of it ; being well satisfied, that the 
 ' ' Mathematicians of our times, can no where 
 
 Voyag. p. 27. Ed. 1646.
 
 104 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " find out the perpetual Motion, so well as 
 " here, where the Goblets of the Germans are 
 " an evident Demonstration of its Possibility. 
 " They think they cannot make good Cheer, 
 " nor permit Friendship or Fraternity, as they 
 " call it, with any, without giving the Seal 
 " brimful of Wine, to seal it for Perpetuity. 
 
 M. Misson, who was also some time in 
 Germany, gives us yet a larger description. 
 " The Germans, says he,* are, as you know, 
 " strange Drinkers. There are no people in 
 " the world more caressing, more civil, more 
 " officious; but still another Cup. They have 
 " terrible customs on that article of Drinking. 
 *' Every thing is transacted over the Bottle; 
 " you can do nothing without Drinking. One 
 " can scarce speak three words at a visit, but 
 " you are astonished to see the Collation come 
 " in, or at least a good quantity of Wine, at- 
 " tended with Crusts of Bread, cut into little 
 " pieces, upon a Plate with Salt and Pepper, 
 " a fatal preparative for bad Drinkers. I 
 " must instruct you in the Laws they observe 
 " in their Cups; Laws sacred and inviolable. 
 " You must never drink without drinking some 
 " ones Health, which having done, you must 
 " immediately present the Glass to the party 
 " you drank to, who must never refuse it, but 
 
 Voyage de Italie, T. 1. Let. 9
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 105 
 
 " drink it to the last Drop. Reflect a little, 
 " I beseech you, on these Customs, and you 
 " will see how, and by what means, it is im- 
 " possible to cease from drinking. After this 
 " manner, one shall never have done. It is a 
 " perpetual Circle to drink after the German 
 
 " Fashion; it is to drink for ever. You 
 
 " must likewise know, that the Glasses too, 
 " are respected in those Countries, as much as 
 " the Wine is loved; they range them all 
 " about in Ranks and Files; most of their 
 '' Rooms are wainscotted up two Thirds of the 
 " Wall, and the Glasses are ranged all about, 
 " like Organ Pipes, upon the Cornish. They 
 " begin with the small, and end witli the large 
 " ones, which are like Melon Glasses, and 
 " must be taken off at one Draught, when they 
 " drink any health of importance. 
 
 Let us observe here,* " That it was the 
 " Custom of the antient Greeks to drink large- 
 " ly after Meals; and, that this Custom is now 
 " practised in Germany." This was what 
 Mneas, and the People of his Train, used to 
 do, as we learn from these Verses of Virgil.f 
 
 ** Postquam prima quies epulis, mensceque 
 
 remotcB, 
 " C rat eras magnas statuunt & vina coronant. 
 
 * Chevreana, T. 2. p. 188. 
 t^neid. lib. 1. v. 723.
 
 106 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 After the Teeth had gain'd their first Repose, 
 The Dishes ta'en away, the Cloth remov'd, 
 
 The rich Repast gigantic Tankards close, 
 
 Replete with Wines, by nicest Tastes ap- 
 prov 'd. 
 
 It is the same Thing with the Armenians, 
 they never drink till at the End of their Meals. 
 " After they have said Grace, the Dishes are 
 " remov'd, in order to bring in tho Desert, 
 " and then they prepare themselves to drink 
 " to excess. 
 
 We come now to the Swiss. Here follows 
 what Daniel Eremita, a very learned man, who 
 published a description of their country, has said 
 to them. * ' ' They have the same simplicity in 
 ' drinking, but they do not keep the same mo- 
 ' deration. Wine is what they place their de- 
 ' light in, and they prefer it to all things in the 
 ' world. At their assemblies, both for pleasure 
 ' and business, or any other affairs, wine always 
 ' makes a party; with which, when they have 
 ' overloaded their stomach they discharge it, 
 ' and set down to it again, and drink as they 
 ' did at first. They leave the care of the Fa- 
 ' mily to their Wives and Children, who live 
 ' with the utmost (Economy, in favour of 
 ' their Husbands, who are continually at the 
 ' Tavern. They talk with Glass in Hand, 
 
 * Ed. 8. p. 411.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 107 
 
 " and please themselves in that Posture, to re- 
 ' ' count their Acts and Gests, and those of their 
 *' Ancestors, as Examples to Posterity. They 
 " speak freely all they know, and know not 
 " what a Secret is. In short, this way of life 
 " does not only continue whole days succes- 
 " sively, but all the time they live. 
 
 Nor have things now taken another aspect 
 in Switzerland. The Author of a Travel, 
 lately into that Country, tells us for certain, 
 that " Wine is a singular attractive, a power- 
 " ful Charm, against which, the Swiss can 
 " make no manner of Resistance.* 
 
 Before I close this Chapter, I shall take 
 notice of the Flemings, whom we ought to look 
 upon as making part of Germany, who though 
 they are surrounded by Water, take care never 
 to drink any, which made Scaliger, when in 
 Holland, say to Douza. 
 
 " In mediis hahitamiis aquis, quis credere possit 
 " Et tamen hie nidke, Douza, bibuntur aquce.'f 
 
 Amidst the Waters here we live. 
 Yet who can any Credit give, 
 To what I say, for, Douza, here 
 No Water Drinkers e'er appear. 
 
 Guicciardin, in his Description of the low 
 
 * Voyag. de Rouvier, p. 89. 
 f De adniir. Holland.
 
 108 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Countries, accuses the People of drinking too 
 much. * Hanno, says he, Poi per la maggior 
 parte quel vitio del here troppo. He adds, how- 
 ever, " That they are in some sort excusable, 
 " because the Air of the Country being for 
 " the most part of the Year, humid, and apt 
 " to inspire Melancholy, they could not, per- 
 " haps, make use of a more efficacious remedy 
 " to expel this irksome, unwholesome Melan- 
 " choly, than Wine, which, I suppose, was 
 " Horace's Sentiment, when he said. With 
 " Wine drive away Care. The Words in the 
 " Original are. Ma sono in qualche parte scu- 
 ** sahili, per die essendo I'aria del paese U pui 
 '' del tempo humida & malinconica, non potrieno 
 " peraventura trovar instromenta piu idoneo a 
 " scacciare & hattere la malinconia odiosa & 
 " mat Sana die il vino, si come pare die accerni 
 " Horatio dicendo. Vino pellite curas. 
 
 But without any farther talking of the Ger- 
 mans, I shall end this Chapter with this neces- 
 sary Remark, That one need not go out of 
 England for Examples of hard Drinking, our 
 Country, God bless it, does not come behind 
 any other in this particular. 
 
 Ed. Fol. 1567. p. 29.
 
 CHAP. XVIII. 
 
 Of Nations that get Drunk with certain 
 Liquors. 
 
 A 
 
 S every Country does not produce Wine, 
 but aecordinff to the Poet.* 
 
 Hie segetes, illic veniunt fcelicius Uvcb. 
 
 Here Wheat, more happily there grows the 
 Grape. 
 
 Those Nations, with whom there are no 
 Vines, have invented other Drinks to make 
 themselves Meny. Plinyf tells us. That the 
 Western People got Dnuik with certain Li- 
 quors made with Fruits ; and that these Liquors 
 have different Names in Gaul and Spain, tho' 
 they produce the same effect. 
 
 Ammianus Marcellinus reports, That the 
 Gauls having no Wine in their Country, tho' 
 they are very fond of it, contrive a great many 
 sorts of Liquors, which produce the same 
 effect as Wine. Vini avidum genus adfectans 
 ad vini similitudinem miiUipUces potus. 
 
 The Scythians had no Wine, as appears by 
 
 * Virgil. 
 
 t Const. & Jul. lib. 16.
 
 110 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 the answer of Aiiacliarsis, the Philosopher, 
 who being- asked, if they had none that played 
 on the Flute in Scythia, replied, that they had 
 not so much as any Wine there. However, 
 for all that, they got drunk with certain Liquors 
 which had the force and strength of Wine. 
 This also we learn from these Words of Virgil. 
 
 '' Ipsi in defossis specuhus, secura suhaltd 
 " Otia agunt terra, congestaque rohora to- 
 
 lasque 
 " Advolvcre focis idnios, ignique dedere. 
 " Hie noctem ludo ducunt, & pocida Iceti 
 '" Fermento, atque acidis imitantur vitea sorhis. 
 
 Secure, in quiet ease, they dwell in Caves 
 Deep dug in earth, and to their chimnies roll 
 Whole Oaks, and Elms entire, which flames de- 
 vour. 
 Here all the night in sport and merry glee 
 They pass and imitate, with acid service. 
 By Fermentation vinous made, the Grape. 
 
 The Thracians intoxicate themselves by swal- 
 lowing the fumes of certain herbs which they 
 cast into the fire. 
 
 The Babylonians, according to Herodotus, 
 used likewise to get drunk, by swalloA\dng the 
 fumes of certain herbs that they burned. 
 
 Strabo reports, that the Indians made a cer-
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 111 
 
 tain drink with Sugar Canes, which made them 
 merry; very probably, not unlike what we now 
 call Rum. 
 
 Benso, in his History of America, says the 
 same of the inhabitants of the Island of Hispa- 
 niola, and several other provinces of America. 
 
 Pliny and Athenmis tell us, that the Egyp- 
 tians fuddled themselves with a drink made of 
 Barley; by this it seems the liquor of Sir John 
 Barley -Corn is very antient. 
 
 Leri*, in his Voyage to Brasil, tells us, that 
 the inhabitants of that Country^ are as great 
 drinkers as the Germans, Flemings, Lansquenets, 
 Swiss: and all those merry gentlemen who love 
 carousing, and drink supernaculum, ought to 
 agree, that they are even with them. Their 
 drink is made of certain roots, which they boil 
 and ferment, and is then called by them in their 
 language Ca-ou-in. The Author adds, " That 
 " he has seen them not only drink three days 
 " and nights successively without ceasing, but 
 ' ' that they were so very drunk, that they could 
 " swallow no more till they had disgorged, 
 " which was in order to begin again. 
 
 " There f grows in the Eastern Countries 
 " certain particular drugs, with which the in- 
 " habitants are wonderfully delighted, and 
 
 * P. 126. Ed. 1594. 
 
 f L 'Emer. des Alim. part 3. ch. 2.
 
 112 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " which produce a kind of drunkenness, or 
 " agfreeable folly, which continues some time. 
 " They are so much accustomed to the use of 
 " these drugs, by a long habit, that they im- 
 " agine that life must be very sad and unhappy 
 " without them. The Indians and Persians have 
 " their Bangue, the Egyptiayis their Bola, and 
 " the Turks their Opium." 
 
 In relation to the Persians, Tavernier* has 
 these words, viz. " They have a sort of drink 
 " to divert and make themselves merry, which 
 " they call Kokemaar, made of Poppy seeds 
 " boiled. They drink it scalding hot; and 
 " there are particular houses, called Kokemaar 
 " Krone, where people meet, and give a great 
 " deal of pleasure and delight to those who see 
 " the ridiculous postures which this kind of 
 " liquor makes them perform. Before it ope- 
 " rates they quarrel with one another, and give 
 " abusive language, without coming to blows; 
 " afterwards, when the drug begins to have its 
 " effect, then they also begin to make peace. 
 '* One compliments in a very high degree, ano- 
 " ther tells stories, but all are extremely ridi- 
 " culous both in their words and actions." 
 And after having spoken of other liquors that 
 they make use of, he adds, ' ' It is difficult to find 
 " in Persia a man that is not addicted to some 
 
 T. 1. lib. 5, eh. 17.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 113 
 
 " one of these liquors, without which they think 
 " they cannot live but very unpleasantly." 
 
 I take no notice here of that admirable drink 
 called Punch with us; nor Juniper water (vul- 
 garly called Geneva, a corruption from the 
 French word Genevre, which signifies the same 
 thing) nor that dram called All Fours, which 
 have such M'onderful effects on the wretched 
 commonalty.
 
 CHAP. XIX. 
 
 Other Considerations in favour of Drunkenness. 
 
 DRUNKENNESS will (and ought to do 
 so) appear excusable to People the most 
 sober, if they would but make these two Re- 
 flections following, viz. 
 
 I. That Drunkards are not generally given 
 to Lewdness. 
 
 " Aristotle says, that too much Drinking 
 " makes one very improper for the Acts of 
 " Venus, and gives his reasons. Athen<Bus re- 
 " ports the same thing in that passage, where 
 " he makes mention of the Drunkenness of 
 '' Alexander the Great, a Vice, says he, which, 
 " perhaps, was the Cause of his little Inclina- 
 ' ' tion for the Ladies. 
 
 Montaigne* speaks very well on this Article, 
 " These, says he, are two Things which vigo- 
 " rously oppose each other; this weakens our 
 " Stomach on one Hand; whereas, on the 
 ' ' other. Sobriety serves to make us more quaint 
 " and delicate in the Exercise of Love. 
 
 Ovidji says much the same Thing. 
 
 * Essais, 1. 2, ch. 2. 
 f Do Eemed. Amor.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 115 
 
 *' Vina parant animum veneri, nisi plurima su- 
 
 mas, 
 " TJt stupeant multo corda sepulta mero. 
 
 Wine, not too much, inspires, and makes the 
 
 Mind 
 To the soft Joys of Vemis strong inclined. 
 Which buried in Excess, unapt to Love, 
 Stupidly lies, and knows not how to move. 
 
 II. That iri those Countries, where they do 
 not drink to excess, they are very much 
 addicted to debauchery. 
 
 It is certain, that in hot Countries, they 
 drink a great deal less, than they do in cold, 
 but in lieu of that, Lewdness reigns much 
 more. Montaigne,* after having observed, 
 that they began to drink less than they used to 
 do, adds, " Does any one think it tends to 
 '' Amendment? No, indeed, but, perhaps, we 
 " are much more given to Whoring, than our 
 " Forefathers." 
 
 This puts me in mind of an Italian, who 
 having reproached a German, with the Drun- 
 kennness of his Country, by these Verses, viz. 
 
 " Germani multos possunt tolerare lalores 
 '' utinam possint tarn tolerare sitim. 
 
 * Essais, 1. 2, ch. 2.
 
 116 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 The Germans (patient) toil, inur'cl to pain, 
 could they but their Thirst so well sustain ! 
 
 The German answered him extempore, in 
 these other two. 
 
 "TJt nos vitis amor, sic vos Venus improba 
 
 vexat 
 " Est data lex Venen, Julia, nulla mero. 
 
 As we love Wine, so wicked Venus you, 
 'Twas this, not that, the Julian Edict knew. 
 
 In order to draw a Consequence from all 
 this, let us speak once more of Moiitaigne,* 
 whose Words are, " And if we cannot give 
 " any Pleasure, but what costs us something, 
 " as the Antients maintain, I find this Vice 
 ** costs the Conscience less than all the rest, 
 " besides, it is in this respect, no despicable 
 ** consideration, that a Man advanced in ho- 
 " nours, amongst three principal conveniencies 
 " of Life, that he told me, he yet enjoy 'd, he 
 " reckoned this for one. 
 
 After having shewn in the foregoing Chap- 
 ters, that Drunkenness reigns all the World 
 over. Nulla in parte mundi cessat Ehrietas. 
 Let us see what we may hence infer in its fa- 
 vour: And I ask, if the Agreement of so many 
 different Nations, to do one and the same thing, 
 
 Essais, liv. 2. ch. 2.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 117 
 
 proves nothing, and may not, in some measure, 
 serve as an. Apology for Drunkenness? For if 
 one considers, that the surprising variety of the 
 Humour and Temperament of Men, do, not- 
 withstanding, in no wise hinder them from 
 agreeing unanimously in this Point, one shall 
 have a very strong Temptation to believe, that 
 the desire of getting Drunk, is an innate Qua- 
 lity, and we shall be confirmed in this Senti- 
 ment, after tasting experimentally, the exqui- 
 site sweetness, caused by Drunkenness. 
 To conclude. 
 
 All drink, throughout the Universe, 'tis plain. 
 The Moon drinks up the Sea, the Earth the 
 
 Rain, 
 The Sun the Air, and ev'ry Tree, we know 
 The Earth's prolific Juice imbibes to grow. 
 The Air sups up the Water too, 'tis said, 
 Why then, my dearest Friends, d'ye plague 
 
 my Head, 
 And angry grow, because, diy Soul,* I swill 
 New Wine, Drink fit for Gods, and quaff my 
 
 fill. 
 
 * Anima mea non potest habitare in sicco. S. Aug.
 
 CHAP. XX. 
 
 A71 Answer to the Objection, that Drunkenness 
 causes infinite Evils. 
 
 AFTER having specified the g(K)d Quali- 
 ties of Drunkenness, let us now answer 
 some frivolous Objections, that may be made 
 against what we have here advanced. For 
 Example, People will not be wanting imme- 
 diately to object, that Drunkenness has been the 
 cause of infinite Evils. 
 
 To this I answer, that it has been only the 
 cause of these Evils, when People have pushed 
 it too far, and not observed the Rules they 
 ought to keep in Drinking, and which we 
 shall see here prescribed by and by. For 
 where do we find, that any one of so many 
 grave Philosophers, that used to get drunk, 
 made any Disorders? It was for this reason, 
 that Chrisippus's Maid said, that her Master 
 was drunk in the Hams. And 'twas on this 
 veiy account, perhaps, that the Stoics said of 
 their Sage, " That he was, indeed, to be over- 
 " come with Wine, but would not, however, 
 " be drunk. Vino ohrutiim iri non ehrium tamen 
 " futurum. 
 
 On the other hand, without being willing to
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 119 
 
 excuse those Disorders which Drunkenness has 
 been the cause of, one may say, nevertheless, 
 that some of these disorders have produced ef- 
 fects highly advantageous. "Suppose, for 
 " example, that Lot had not got drunk, and 
 " his two Daughters had not been possessed 
 " with the furious desire of having Children, 
 " and the fear of dying Maids, you ruin, by 
 " this means, whole Families, who bore a 
 " great part in the wonderful events of the 
 " Children of Israel* 
 
 Their High Mightinesses the States of Hol- 
 land, have eternal obligations to Drunkenness, 
 since to this they owe, in some sort, the esta- 
 blishment of their Republic, which was after 
 this manner, according to Strada. fThe same 
 day that Brederode, accompanied by above two 
 hundred Gentlemen, had presented that famous 
 Petition to Margaret of Parma, who then go- 
 verned the Netherlands, he gave a magnificent 
 Entertainment in the House of the Court of 
 Culeiihourg, there was no want of Drinking; 
 and as they saw the Count of Hoocstrate, who 
 by chance passed that way, they began, with 
 a great deal of Joy, to give one another the 
 Name of Gueux;t upon which, taking each of 
 
 * Lett. 16. sur la Grit, du Calvin. 
 
 t Strada de Bello Belgico, Part 1. lib. 5. 
 
 J The French word for Beggars.
 
 120 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 them altogether great Glasses in their Hands, 
 they made Vows and Oaths to each other, by 
 the Name of Gueux, and cried out with one 
 Voice and general Applause, Lo7ig Live the 
 Gueux. After which, they promised mutual 
 Fidelity; and the Prince of Orange^ and the 
 Counts of Egmont and Horn, coming to them, 
 they began to drink again, and with great Ac- 
 clamation, renewed Vows and Wishes with 
 these new Comers, as they had already done, 
 for the Gueux. At last, in the heat of Wine, 
 they took those vigorous Resolutions, the ef- 
 fects of which were afterwards seen, which was 
 the Liberty of the United Provinces.
 
 CHAP. XXI. 
 
 An Answer to the Objection, that the Mirth 
 which Wine inspires, is chimerical. 
 
 IT will be objected, without doubt, that the 
 Mirth which Wine inspires, is imaginary, 
 and without any Foundation, and that, as 
 Boileau has it. 
 
 ** Rie7i n'est beau que le vrai. Le vrai seul est 
 " amiable. 
 
 Nothing so beautiful as what is true, 
 That it is only lovely is its Due. 
 
 I very willingly own, that this Joy and Mirth 
 is nothing else than the effect of our Imagina- 
 tion. 
 
 Full well I'm satisfied 'tis nothing all 
 But a deceitful Hope, less solid far, 
 A thousand times, than is the moving Sand; 
 But are not all Things so with wretched Man? 
 All Things soon pass away like rapid Streams 
 Which hasten to the Sea, where lost for ever 
 In th' Ocean's vast Abyss unknown they lie. 
 Our wisest Wishes and Desires are vain, 
 Abstracted Vanities, gay painted Bubbles,
 
 122 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 That break when touch 'd and vanish into Air. 
 Love, Wisdom, Knowledge, Riches, Phantoms 
 all. 
 
 But before we thoroughly refute this Ob- 
 jection, I shall observe by the Way, That 
 Errors and Illusions are necessary to the World. 
 *" In general, indeed, it is true to say, that 
 the M^orld, as it is now, cannot keep itself 
 in the same Condition, were not Men full of 
 a Thousand false Prejudices, and unreason- 
 able Passions; and if Philosophy went about 
 to make Men act according to the clear and 
 distinct Ideas of Reason, we might, perhaps, 
 be satisfied, that Mankind would quickly be 
 at an end. Errors, Passions, Prejudices, 
 and a hundred other the like Faults, are as 
 a necessary Evil to the World. Men would 
 be worth nothing for this World, were they 
 cured, and the greatest part of the things 
 which now take up our Time, would be use- 
 less, as Quintilian well knew, namely, Elo- 
 quence. 
 
 Things are in this condition, and will not 
 easily change, and we may wait long enough 
 for such a happy Revolution, before we shall 
 be able to say with Virgil. 
 
 '' Magnus ah integro scBclorum Tmscitur ordo. 
 
 Lett. 16. sur la Crit. de Calvin, p. 516.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 123 
 
 A Series long of Ages now appear. 
 Entirely new to Man, before unknown. 
 
 On the other Hand, * " If you take away 
 ' from Man, every thing that is chimerical, 
 * what pleasure will you leave him? Pleasures 
 ' are not things so solid, as to pennit us to 
 ' search them to the bottom ; one must only 
 ' just touch them and away. They resemble 
 ' boggy and moorish Ground, we must run 
 ' lightly over them, without ever letting our 
 ' Feet make the least Impression. 
 
 No, wheresoe'er we turn our wishing Eye, 
 True Pleasures never can our Souls enjoy. 
 
 Let us add, f" That if we did not help to 
 ' deceive ourselves, we should never enjoy any 
 ' pleasure at all. The most agreeable things 
 ' in this World are, in the bottom, so trivial, 
 that they would not much atfect us, if we 
 made but ever so little serious Reflection upon 
 them. Pleasures are not made to be strictly 
 examined into, and we are obliged every day 
 to pass over a great many things in them, 
 about which it would not be proper to make 
 one self uneasy. 
 Besides, $" Is not the illusion we enjoy as 
 
 * Fontenelle Dial. d'Elisab. & du d'Alen^on. 
 
 f Dial, des Morts de Callirh. & de Paulin. 
 
 f Nov. Dial, des Dieux, p. 68.
 
 124 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " valuable as the good we possess? M. Fonte- 
 " nelle, makes a very excellent observation 
 " hereupon, in these Verses.* 
 
 '' Souvent en s'attachaut a des fantomes vains 
 " Notre raison seduite avec plaisir s'egare. 
 " Elle-meme jouit I' oh jets qu'elle a fenits. 
 " Et cette illusion pour quelque terns repare 
 *' Le defunt des vrais Mens que la nature 
 
 avare 
 " N'a pas accordez aux humains. 
 
 Often enchanted by the 'luring Charms 
 Of Phantoms gay, our reason all seduc'd, 
 With pleasure roams thro' endless Desarts wild, 
 Enjoys the objects which herself has form'd. 
 And this illusion for some time repairs 
 The want of real Joys, which niggard Nature 
 Never has granted to unhappy Man. 
 
 " Enjoyment, says Montaigne,^ and Posses- 
 " sion, belong principally to Imagination, which 
 " embraces more eagerly that which it is in 
 '' pursuit of, than that which we have in our 
 " power. 
 
 And certainly, one may pronounce them 
 happy, who thus amuse themselves, and believe 
 themselves to be so. And indeed, when a man 
 is so far gone in this perswasion, every thing 
 
 * Poesies Pastor. 
 f Essais, lib. 3. ch. 9.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 125 
 
 that is alleged to the contrary, is rejected as a 
 fable. 
 
 But to shew at present, the reality, if one may 
 say so, of mere illusion, we need go no farther 
 than the Poets, M^ho are certainly the happiest 
 mortals living in that respect. 
 
 To instance no more, there's Mr. , 
 
 who would fain be a Rhimer, and that's his 
 folly; but tho' the poor man for his insipid 
 Verses, and improper Epithets, richly deserves 
 our pity, yet is he wonderfully pleased with his 
 Performances, and with a great deal of tran- 
 quillity mounts up Parnassus, in his own con- 
 ceit, in loftier tracts than Virgil or Theocritus 
 ever knew. But alas! what would become of 
 him, if some audacious person should dare un- 
 bind his eyes, and make him see his weak and 
 graceless lines, which, however smoothly they 
 may run, are at best, but exquisitely dull; con- 
 tain terms that have no meaning in them, and 
 have no other ornament, but unintelligible Jin- 
 gle, and initial Letters? How would he cui^e 
 the day which deprived his senseless Soul of that 
 happy Error that so much charmed his 
 thou.ghts, and amused his imagination? 
 
 What is here said of the Poets, is applicable 
 to all mankind; and so a man, whom any one 
 should undertake to persuade, that the mirth 
 and joy inspired by Wine, is chimerical, would 
 do well to answer him, after the manner a cer-
 
 126 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 tain Mad-man did the Doctor that cured him. 
 The Story is this. 
 
 '; Once upon a time, a certain Bigot, otherwise 
 a man of Sense, had his Brain a little touched 
 with Whimsies, and continually fancied he 
 heard the heavenly Musick of the blessed Spi- 
 rits. At last a Physician, very expert in his 
 Profession, cured him, either by his skill, or by 
 chance, no matter which; but when he came to 
 demand his Fees; for what? says the other in a 
 violent passion, by your damned Slip-Slops, 
 and hellish Art, you have robbed me of my Pa- 
 radise, tho' you have cured me of my Error. 
 This I borrow from Boilemi* as he did from 
 Horace. j[ 
 
 " I There are, says Pere Bouhours, writing 
 " to Bnssi Eabutin, agreeable Errors, which 
 "■ are much more valuable than that which the 
 " Spaniards call Desengano, and which might, 
 " be called in our Language Disahusement, if 
 " this AA^ord, which one of our best AVriters 
 " has ventured upon, had been received." 
 
 We shall conclude with M. de Sacy,^ " That 
 "it is not always doing Mankind an agreeable 
 " Service to dissipate their Illusions." And 
 we say of those who taste those satisfactions 
 
 * Satire 4. M. le Vayer. 
 t Lib. 2. Ep. 2. 
 t Lett de Rab. T. 3. Lett. 63. 
 § De 1 'Amitie, p. 2.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 127 
 
 Wine inpires, what M. Bayle says very plea- 
 santly of News-Mongers, who are still in hopes 
 of what they wish for. *' They are,* says he, 
 " the least unhappy, whatever happens. There 
 " is a great deal of Reality in their agreeable 
 " Sentiments, how chimercial soever their 
 " Foundation may be; so that they do not wil- 
 " lingly suffer themselves to be disabused, and 
 " they sometimes say, when one gives them 
 " Reasons why they should believe the News 
 " that makes them so joyful, is doubtful, or ab- 
 " solutely false. Why do you envy us the Plea- 
 " sures we enjoy f Do not disturb our Enter- 
 *' tainment, or rob us of what we hold most 
 ** dear. A Friend more opposite to Error than 
 " Charity, is a very troublesome Reasoner; and 
 " if he meddles with their Chimeras they'll en- 
 " deavour to do him a Diskindness. 
 
 "We come now to another Objection, and 
 that is, That this joy inspired by "Wine is but 
 of a very short Continuance; and the Pleasure 
 one tastes in so short a space, dearly repaid 
 with a long and tedious Uneasiness. Ebrietas 
 unius horcB h Harem insaniam longo temporis 
 tedio pensat. 
 
 I own that it is a very great misery, that our 
 Pleasures are so short ; and the shorter too, the 
 more exquisite they are. And, perhaps, this 
 
 Eep. aux quest, d'un Prov. T. 1. eh. 20.
 
 128 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 may be a kindness to us, since some are so su- 
 perlatively so, that should they continue a much 
 longer space, mankind could not support them- 
 selves under these Ecstacies. But be this as it 
 ^vill, can we make them otherwise than they 
 are? We must therefore have Patience, and 
 take them as we find them. In short, there is 
 no present happiness in the World; all we can 
 do, is to be contented with the present, not un- 
 easy at what's to come, but sweeten with an 
 Equality of Soul, the bitter Miseries of Human 
 Ijife.
 
 CHAP. XXII. 
 
 An answer to the Objection, that one loses one's 
 Reason in getting Dnmh. 
 
 IT is objected here, that Reason ought to 
 be the motive of all our Actions; and, of 
 consequence, that we ought not voluntarily to 
 lose it. 
 
 To this Objection, I answer several ways. 
 
 First and foremost then, I say, People do 
 
 well to talk to us so much of Reason, when 
 
 almost all Mankind acts wdthout Reason, so 
 
 that it may pass for a thing that has no manner 
 
 of Existence, but in the Imagination. We 
 
 shall prove this from M. Bayle. * " We are 
 
 ' defined, says he, a reasonable Animal. A 
 
 ' very fine definition indeed, when none of us 
 
 ' do any thing but without Reason. I assure 
 
 ' you. Sir, that one may say of Reason, what 
 
 ' Euripides said in the beginning of one of his 
 
 ' Tragedies, and which afterwards was correc- 
 
 ' ted, on account of the Murmurings of the 
 
 * People. Jupiter, For of thee I know no- 
 ' thing but only the Name! In relation to the 
 ' Faculty, I am talking of, we know nothing 
 
 * more of it than that, so that we may well 
 
 Lett. 22. sur la Crit. du Calv. p. 756.
 
 130 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 laugh at the Complaints of that Heathen 
 Philosopher, who found that Reason was a 
 very troublesome present sent to us by the 
 Gods, for our Ruin; for he supposed, that 
 Reason busied herself in our Affairs, whereas, 
 the truth of it is, she never meddles in the 
 least with them. We act nothing but Mnth 
 Prejudice, by Instinct, by Self-love, and the 
 sudden starts of a Thousand Passions, which 
 drag and turn our Reason as they will, in- 
 somuch, that one may most justly define the 
 principle which rules and domineers over us, 
 A Mass of Prejudices and Passions, rvhich 
 knows how to draw Conseque^ices. I remem- 
 ber to have seen a Mau, who, having never 
 heard mention made of the Cotta of Cicero, 
 said nevertheless, as well as he, that it would 
 have been much better, that God had not 
 made us reasonable, since Reason poisons 
 all our Affairs, and makes us ingenious to 
 afflict ourselves, upon which a certain Person 
 said to him in Raillery, That he had what he 
 desired; that he had received so small a 
 Share of Reason, that it ivas not worth his 
 ivhile to complain. For my part, I turned 
 the thing otherwise, that People were much 
 in the wrong, to murmur against Reason, 
 since it is not that which guides us; and 
 that it is not too possible it should, Avithout 
 overthrov.ing the Order which has reigned
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 131 
 
 so long in the World. The learned Erasmus, 
 continued I, deserves the highest praise in 
 this respect; he has written, The Praise of 
 Folly, wherein he shows, that she sheds 
 every where her Influence, and without her, 
 the whole World w^ould in a short time, be 
 turned topsy turvy. I make no doubt, Sir, 
 but you know the merit of that work. The 
 Author speaks, tho' in a merry manner, the 
 greatest truths in the world ; and I do not 
 know, whether he believed himself as profound 
 a philosopher as he really was, in that inge- 
 nious Satire. 
 
 Secondly, This is not all, *" It is sometimes 
 necessary, for the general good of the world, 
 to follow prejudices, popular errors, and the 
 blind instincts of Nature, rather than the dis- 
 tinct ideas of Reason." Mr. Bayle extends 
 himself farther on this idea in another place, 
 which I shall here insert f " Errors," says he, 
 irregular passions, and unreasonable prejudi- 
 ces, are so necessary to the world, to make it a 
 theatre of that prodigious diversity of events 
 which make one admire his providence. So 
 that he who would reduce men to do nothing 
 but according to the distinct ideas of Reason, 
 would ruin civil society. If man was reduced 
 
 * Lett, sur la Crit. du Calv. Lett. 16. p. 504. 
 f Ibid. p. 535.
 
 132 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " to this condition, he would have no longer 
 " any desire of glory; and having no longer 
 " that desire, is it not true, that then mankind 
 " would be like ice? I say, he would have no 
 " desire of glory, for right reason shews us, 
 " that we should not make our happiness de- 
 ' * pend on the judgment of other men ; and con- 
 " sequently, that we should not toil and fatigue 
 " ourselves, to make other people say this, or 
 
 " that, of us The earnest desire of be- 
 
 " ing praised after death, is an instinct of mo- 
 " rality that God has impressed in the mind of 
 " man, to keep up society. And it is certain, 
 " that earnest desire has been the cause of the 
 " greatest events; and this ought to instruct us, 
 " that the world stands in need of a great many 
 " instincts, which, examined according to the 
 ' ' ideas of our reason, are ridiculous and absurd. 
 " For there is nothing so opposite to reason, as 
 ** to torment ourselves in this life, that we may 
 " be praised after we are dead, since neither 
 " philosophy, nor experience, nor faith, nor 
 " any thing whatsoever, makes it appear, that 
 " the praises given us after death can do us any 
 " good. It would be a thing uneasy to the 
 " heart of man, if we did nothing but according 
 " to the light of reason; and how many designs 
 " would come to nothing at the same time? 
 
 Thirdly, besides, Reason very often serves for 
 nothing but to make us wretched. " The hap-
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 133 
 
 " piness of men is never the work of Reason." 
 Of all our Evils Reason is often the worst; it 
 frightens us in the full Career of our Pleasures, 
 and with importunate Remorses comes to bri- 
 dle our fleet desires. The horrid Thing re- 
 serves for us most cruel and matchless Rigors. 
 'Tis like a troublesome Pedant one is forced to 
 hear, who always growls, but never touches us, 
 and frequently like D , and such like ve- 
 nerable impertinents, lose the time they em- 
 ploy in Predication. 
 
 " * If there be any happiness, says Fonte- 
 '' nelle, that Reason produces, it is like that sort 
 ' of Health which cannot be maintained but 
 ' by the Force of Physic, and which is ever 
 ' most feeble and uncertain." And in another 
 Place he cries out,t " Can we not have found 
 ' Sight without being at the same time wretch- 
 ' ed and uneasy? Is there any thing gay but 
 ' Error? And is Reason made for any thing 
 ' else but to torment and kill us?" f What 
 
 * Cause have not Men to bewail their wretched 
 
 * Condition? Nature furnishes them but with 
 ' a very few things that are agreeable, and 
 
 * their Reason teaches them how to enjoy them 
 
 * yet less. " § " And, why has Nature in giv- 
 
 * Dial, de M. Stuart. & P. Riccio. 
 t Dial, de Parmen. & de Theb. 
 X Dial, de Alexand. — Phryne. 
 § Nouv. Dial, des Dieux, p. 99.
 
 134 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 " ing us Passions which are sufficient to make 
 " us happy, given us Reason, that will not suf- 
 " fer us to be so? 
 
 'Twas this same troublesome Reason that 
 made Sophocles say, " * It is very sweet to live, 
 " but none of your Wisdom, away ^vith her, 
 " she spoils Life. 
 
 Vaunt less thy Reason, unhappy Man! 
 Behold how useless is this gift celestial. 
 For which, they say, thou should'st the rest dis- 
 dain. 
 Feeble as thou wert in thy infant Days, 
 Like thee she moved, she totter 'd, and was 
 
 weak. 
 When Age mature arriv'd, and call'd to Plea- 
 sures, 
 Slave to thy Sense, she still was so to thee, 
 When fifty Winters, Fate had let thee count; 
 Pregnant with thousand cares and worlds of 
 
 woes, 
 The hateful issue in thy breast she threw, 
 And now grown old thou loosest her for ever. 
 
 Before I end this chapter, let every body take 
 notice, that if for having spoken so much against 
 reason, any one should say that it is a plain 
 sign the Author has none ; and that there are a 
 
 * Moriaj Encom.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 135 
 
 great many others, who, in the words of M. 
 La Motte* will be apt to say, 
 
 *' Heureux cent fois I'Auteiir avec qui Von 
 
 s^ouhlie 
 '* Qui nous off re un charmant poison, 
 "Et nous associant a sa douce folic 
 " Nous affranchit de la raison. 
 
 Happy the Author whose bewitching stile 
 
 Life's tedious minutes can beguile, 
 Makes us, with him, forget uneasy care, 
 
 And not remember what we are. 
 Who by a charm, which no one can withstand, 
 
 Enchanting poison can command. 
 Can make us share his pleasing foolery, 
 
 And from dull reason set us free. 
 
 And I shall not be wanting to answer in the 
 words of the same gentleman. 
 
 ■\'' Buveur's hriser le joug d'une raison trop 
 
 fiere 
 " Eteignez son triste flanieau 
 " Dautres enseignent I'art d'augmente sa 
 
 lumiere 
 *' Mais I'art eteindre est plus beau. 
 
 * La Motte, Od. la Vania 
 + 0d. Thalia.
 
 136 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Break, jolly topers, break th' ungrateful chain 
 Of reason, if she too imperious grow, 
 
 Of being disturb 'd you never need complain, 
 If you put out her troublesome flambeau. 
 
 Others may teach the art t' increase her fires. 
 
 To put them out a finer art requires.
 
 CHAP. XXIII. 
 
 An Answer to the Objection, that one cannot 
 trust a Man that gets Drunk. 
 
 THERE is a Proverb amongst the Jews, 
 *" Ingrediente vino egreditur secretum." 
 As the Wine goes in, so the Secret goes out. 
 Seneca f makes the same objection. " As, says 
 " he, new Wine bursts the Vessel, and the 
 " Heat makes everything go upwards, so the 
 " force of Wine is such, that it brings to light, 
 " and discovers, what is most secret and hid- 
 " den." 
 
 In answer to this objection, I say, that 
 people who are naturally Secret, are not less 
 so after drinking. $ ' ' And Bacchus was not 
 
 * said to be the inventor of Wine, on account 
 ' of the liberty of his Tongue, but because he 
 
 * freed our minds from disquiet, and makes 
 ' them more firm and resolute in what we un- 
 ' dertake." 
 
 Besides, do we not see every day, people of 
 all Ranks, Conditions, and Characters, yet 
 drunk, and yet we trust them with Secrets, 
 
 * Voyage de Rouvie, p. 497. 
 
 fEp. 83. 
 
 I Seneca de Tranquill.
 
 138 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 and it very rarely happens they speak of them, 
 when they are drunk. Thus, if we consult 
 History, we shall learn from Seneca* himself, 
 that the design of killing Caesar, was as well 
 communicated to Tullius Cimher, who was a 
 great Drinker, as to C. Cassius, who drank 
 nothing but Water. And tho' L. Piso, Gover- 
 nor of Rome, got frequently drunk, he, not- 
 withstanding, excellently acquitted himself of 
 liis duty. Augustus made no manner of diffi- 
 culty to give him secret instructions, bestowing 
 on him the Government of Thrace, the Con- 
 quest of which he intirely completed. Tiberius, 
 before he left Rome, where he was generally 
 hated, in order to retire into the Campania, 
 made choice of Costus, who was extremely given 
 to Wine, for Governor of that City, to whom 
 he communicated such things as he dared not 
 trust his own Ministers with. 
 
 Seneca, Ep. 83.
 
 CHAP. XXIV. 
 
 An Answer to the Objection, that Drunkenness 
 makes one incapable of performing the Duties 
 of Civil Life. 
 
 I DENY this absolutely, and to prove the 
 contrary, I say, the Persians had a custom 
 to deliberate on things the most serious, and of 
 the greatest importance, after hard Drinking. 
 Tacitus reports the same thing of the Oermans. 
 Dampier assures us, that the same custom is 
 practised with the Inhabitants of the Isthmus 
 Darien. And to go higher, one finds in Homer, 
 that during the Siege of Troy, the Greeks, in 
 Council, did eat and drink heartily. An evi- 
 dent proof, that this objection is contrary to 
 experience. But to go farther, this same ex- 
 perience made the Antients look on those who 
 could carry a great deal of Wine, as persons of 
 a Genius, very much superior to those who 
 could not drink at all. On this account it was, 
 that Cyrus, in writing to the Lacedemonians, 
 the reasons which rendered him more capable 
 of Government, than his Brother, amongst 
 other things, takes Notice, that he could drink 
 more Wine than he. And so many fine pro- 
 ductions, for which we are obliged to the
 
 140 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Drunkenness of the Poets, make it evidently 
 appear, that AA^ine, far from rendering us in- 
 capable of doing any thing that is good, rather 
 helps and incites us to it. This important 
 truth, we shall confirm by several examples. 
 
 Plutarch relates, that Philip King of Mace- 
 don, after having conquered the Athenians, 
 made a Feast, at which he got drunk; and 
 that all proud with that happy success, he 
 nevertheless did a great many things intirely 
 ridiculous; but being informed that the Ambas- 
 sadors, that the Athenians sent to him to de- 
 sire Peace, wished to see him, he changed his 
 Countenance all of a sudden, and having heard 
 their Proposals with all possible attention, an- 
 swered them with a great deal of Justice. 
 
 The Emperor Bonosus, who Amelian said 
 was bom not to live, but to drink, acted always 
 with greater Prudence after drinking, says 
 Flavins Vopiscus, after Onesimus* 
 
 We have taken notice, in the foregoing 
 Chapter, that L. Piso, Governor of Rome, tho' 
 he was often drunk, acquitted himself, not- 
 withstanding, punctually of his duty. 
 
 ■\Christiern, the 4th King of Denmark, drank 
 like a Templer, and never King was more 
 
 * Flav. Vopisc. in vita Bonos. 
 
 f Amel. de la Houssai sur Taeit. Ann. Liv. 11. ch. 35.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 141 
 
 laborious, a greater Lfover of his Subjects, or 
 more beloved by them, 
 
 * Scaliger says, That a German has as much 
 reason when he is drunk, as when he has 
 drank nothing. Non minus sapit Germanus 
 ehrius quam sodrius. 
 
 f Montaigne speaks in his Essays, of a great 
 Lord of his time, who, tho' he drank every 
 day, a prodigious quantity of Wine, was, ne- 
 vertheless, equally careful in his affairs. Ac- 
 cording to which, that which Cicero says, is 
 not generally true, viz. " that one must never 
 " expect prudence from a Man that is always 
 " drunk." Nee enim ah Jiomine nunquam sob- 
 rio postulanda prudentia.% 
 
 Another Proof that Drunkenness does not 
 render us incapable of doing any thing that is 
 good, is, that it inspires People with Courage, 
 and even makes the Coward valiant. Ad pre- 
 lia trudit inertem. Experience confirms this 
 Truth. " "We see, says Montaigne,^ that our 
 *' Germans, tho' drowned in Wine, remember 
 " their Post, the Word, and their Rank. 
 
 We read in Spartien, that a certain Gene- 
 ral, having been vanquished by the Saracens, 
 
 * Sealigeriana, p. 169. 
 t L. 2. ch. 2. 
 t Orat. 2. Philip. 
 § Essais, 1. 2. ch. 2.
 
 142 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 his Soldiers laid all the blame of their Defeat 
 on their want of Wine. 
 
 The Soldiers of the Army of Pesccnnius 
 Niger, pressed earnestly for Wine, undoubt- 
 edly to make them fight the better; but he re- 
 fused them in these Words, You have the Nile, 
 said he, and do you ask for Winef In imita- 
 tion, I suppose, of the Emperor Augustus* 
 who, when the People complained of the dear- 
 ness and scarcity of Wine, said to them, My 
 Son-in Law Agrippa, has preserved you from 
 Thirst, by the Canals he has made for you. 
 
 By what has been said, it plainly appears, 
 that Wine is so far from hindering a Man from 
 performing the Duties of Life, that it rather 
 forwards him, and is an admirable ingredient 
 in all States and Conditions, both of Peace 
 and War, which made Horace-\ thus bespeak 
 the God of Wine. 
 
 " Quanquam choreis aptior & jocis 
 " Ludoque dictus, non sat idoneus 
 " Pugnis fercharis, sed idem 
 " Pacts eras mediusque Belli. 
 
 Tho' thou more apt for Love than furious War, 
 And gay Desires to move, thy chief est Care,' 
 Yet War, and sweetest pleasures, you can join, 
 Both Mars and Venus are Devotes to Wine. 
 
 * Sueton. in Vit. August. 
 t Lib. 2. Od. 19.
 
 CHAP. XXV. 
 
 Burlesque, ridiculous, and out-of-the-Way 
 Thoughts, against Drunkenness. 
 
 IT is reported, that Gerson should say, that 
 there was no difference between a Man's 
 killing himself at one Stroke, or to procure 
 Death by several, in getting Drunk. 
 
 Some body has burlesqued this Verse of 
 Ovid* 
 
 Vina parant animos, faciuutque coloribus aptos. 
 
 And thus changed it. 
 
 Vina parant asinos, faciuntque furorihus aptos. 
 
 t Cyneos alluding to those high Trees, to 
 which they used to fasten the Vines, said one 
 Day, discoursing on Wine, that it was not 
 without reason, that his Mother was hanged 
 upon so high a Gibbet. 
 
 :|: ' ' The diversion that People took hereto- 
 " fore, in making one another drunk, appeared 
 " more heinous to St. Augustine, than an 
 " Assassination, for he maintained, that those 
 
 * Sphinx Theol. p. 682. 
 
 t Diver, cur. T. 1. p. 141. 
 
 :j: Kep. des Lett. Jan. 1687. Art. 1.
 
 144 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 who made any one drunk, did him greater 
 
 injury, than if they had given him a Stab 
 
 with a Dagger. 
 
 * " A Greek Physician wrote once a Letter 
 
 to Alexander, in which he begged him to 
 
 remember, that every time that he drank 
 
 Wine, he drank the pure Blood of the Earth, 
 
 and that he must not abuse it. 
 
 t ' ' Some Poets say, that it was the Blood 
 
 of the Gods, wounded in their Battle with 
 
 the Giants. 
 
 $ " The Severians in St. Epiphanius, hold, 
 
 that it was engendered by a Serpent, and it 
 
 is for that reason that the Vine is so strong. 
 
 And the Encratites, in the same Author, 
 
 imagine to themselves, that it was the Gall 
 
 of the Devil. • 
 
 " Noah^ in an hour of drunkenness, says 
 
 St. Jerom, let his body be seen naked, which 
 
 he had kept covered for six hundred years." 
 
 * Androcydes. 
 
 f Entret. de Voiture, & de Costar, Lett. 29. 
 
 J Lib. 1. Heres. 47. 
 
 § Ep. ad Ocean.
 
 CHAP. XXVI. 
 A ridiculous Aversion that some have to Wine. 
 
 AN aversion to Wine is a thing not very 
 common ; and there are but a very few 
 but will say with Catullus. 
 
 " At vos quo luhet, hinc ahite lymphoB 
 " Vini pernicies. 
 
 Pernicious Water, bane to Wine, begone. 
 
 One should certainly be very much in the 
 wrong to put in the number of those who had 
 an Aversion to Wine, the Duke of Clarence. 
 His Brother Edward the Fourth, prejudiced 
 with the Predictions of Merlin, as if they fore- 
 told, that one Day, that Duke should usurp the 
 Crown from his Children, resolved to put him 
 to Death, he only gave him the liberty to chuse 
 what Death he would die of. The Duke being 
 willing to die a merry Death, chose to be 
 drowned in a Butt of Malmesey. Not unlike 
 him on whom this Epigram was made. 
 
 '* * In cyatho vini pleno cum musca periret, 
 *' Sic ait Oeneus, sponte perire velim. 
 
 *Eem. sur Eabel. T. 4. eh. 93.
 
 146 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 In a full Glass of Wine expir'd a Fly, 
 So, said Oeneus, would I freely die. 
 
 But let us come in earnest to those who have 
 really had an Antipathy to Wine. Herhelet* 
 in his Bibliotheqiie Orientale, says, that there 
 are some Mussulmans so superstitious, that they 
 will not call Wine by its true Name, which is 
 Schamr and Nedihh; and that there are some 
 Princes amongst them that have forbidden the 
 mentioning of it, by express Laws. The Rea- 
 son of all this is, the Prohibition of Mahomet 
 to his Followers, which enjoyns them not to 
 drink Wine. The occasion of which Prohibi- 
 tion is as follows. *' t They say, that passing 
 ' ' one day thro ' a Village, and seeing the People 
 " in the Mirth of Wine embracing and kissing 
 " one another, and making a Thousand Protes- 
 " tations of Friendship, he was so charmed with 
 " the Sight, that he blest the Wine as the best 
 " thing in the World. But that, at his return, 
 " observing the same place full of Blood, and 
 " having been informed, that the same Men 
 " whom he had seen before so merry, had, at 
 " last changed their mirth into rage, and been 
 " fighting with their swords, he recalled his 
 " benediction, and cursed wine for ever, on ac- 
 " count of the bad effects it produced." 
 
 *Page 777. 
 
 t Du Mont. Voyag. T. 3. Let. 5.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 147 
 
 It is one of the chief Commandments amongst 
 the Siameze, to drink no wine, nor any liquor 
 that will procure drunkenness.* 
 
 t ' ' Drunkenness is detested in most parts of 
 hot Countries. It is looked upon there as 
 infamous. The greatest affront you can give 
 a Spaniard, is to call him Drunkard. I have 
 been assured, continues M. Bayle, a Servant, 
 if his master should call him so, might bring 
 his Action at Law against him, and recover 
 damages, tho ' any other name he '11 suffer very 
 patiently, and without any right of complaint 
 of being injured in his reputation, as Rogue, 
 
 Hang-dog, B , &c." 
 
 Empedocles, we may well conclude, loved not 
 wine, which he called. Water putrified in Wood. 
 ± Amongst the Locrians, Seleucus had such 
 an aversion to wine, that he forbad any one to 
 drink it under pain of Death, or even give it to 
 the sick. 
 
 Apollonius Thyanmus never drank any Wine, 
 no more than St. Fulgentius, Bishop, ^S^. Ste- 
 phen King of Poland, and Cardinal Emeri. 
 
 § ' ' The Severians, Disciples of Severus, in 
 " the time of Pope Sotherus, condemned abso- 
 " lutely Wine, as a creature of the Devil." 
 
 * Chaumont Voyag. de Siam. 
 t Bayle Diet. T. 2. p. 1266. 
 t ^lian, lib. 2. ch. 33. 
 § Du Mont. Voyag. T. 3. Lit. 5.
 
 148 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 * The Emperor Frederic the Third, seeing 
 his Wife barren, consulted the Physicians upon 
 the case, who told him, that if the Empress 
 would drink wine she might be fruitful. But 
 he told them, like a simpleton as he was, that 
 he had rather his Wife should be barren and 
 sober, than be fruitful and drink Wine. And 
 the Empress being informed of the wise answer 
 of the Imperial Ninny-Hammer her Husband, 
 said full as wisely, that if she was to be put to 
 her choice, to drink Wine or die she should 
 make no manner of hesitation, but prefer death. 
 
 De nimia Sapientia libera nos Domine. 
 
 * Eec. choise d 'Hist.
 
 CHAP. XXVII. 
 
 Rigorous Laws against Wine and Drunkenness. 
 
 IT is easy to imagine, that Princes, who did 
 not love Wine themselves, would make 
 very rigorous Laws against Drunkenness, and 
 fall into that Fault Avhieh Horace speaks of. 
 
 Dum vitant stulti vitia in contraria currant. 
 
 But this Maxim, Nullum violentum durahile, 
 has been verified a great many times, upon 
 this subject of Drunkenness, for all the Laws 
 made against it have not long subsisted. 
 
 *Pentheus, King of Thehes, endeavored to 
 extirpate entirely the Custom of getting Drunk, 
 but he did not find his Account in it, for he 
 was very ill treated by his Subjects for his 
 pains. 
 
 t Lycurgus, King of Thrace, commanded all 
 the Vines of the Country to be cut up, for 
 which he was justly punished by Bacchus. He 
 also made Laws against Drunkenness, which 
 one may reckon amongst the bad ones that he 
 instituted, As, 
 
 * Sphinx Theol. 669. 
 t Hist. 7 Sap.
 
 150 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 I. The usmg Women in common. 
 
 II. The Nudity of young Women in certain 
 solemn Festivals. 
 
 * " Pittacus, one of the wise Men of Greece, 
 commanded, that he who committed a fault, 
 when he was drunk, should suffer double 
 Punishment. And amongst the Laws of 
 Solon, there was one, which condemned to 
 Death the chief Magistrate, if he got Drunk. 
 Amongst the Indians, who only just touch 
 Wine in the Ceremonies of their Sacrifices, 
 the Law commands, that the Women who 
 killed one of their Kings, should get drunk, 
 and marry his Successor, 
 t The Athenians had also very severe Laws 
 against those that should get drunk; but one 
 may say, these Laws resembled those of Draco, 
 which were written rather with Blood than Ink. 
 We come now to the Turks. Sir Paul 
 Bicaut,X tells us several particulars on this 
 Head. Amurath, says he, resolved in the 
 Year 1634, to forbid entirely the use of Wine. 
 He put out a severe Edict, which commanded 
 all the Houses where they sold Wine to be 
 razed, the Barrels where ever they should be 
 found, to be staved, and the Wine to be let 
 
 *Chevreana, T. 1. p. 217. 
 
 t Hist. 7 Sap. 
 
 I See his Turkish Hist.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 151 
 
 out into the Streets. And that he might truly 
 be satisfied his orders were obeyed, he frequent- 
 ly disguised himself, and walked in that manner 
 about the City; and when he found any one 
 carrying wine, he sent him to prison, and had 
 him bastinadoed almost to death. One day he 
 met in the streets a poor deaf man, who not 
 hearing the noise usually made at the approach 
 of the Sultan, did not soon enough avoid a 
 Prince whose presence was so fatal. This ne- 
 gligence cost him his life. He was strangled 
 by order of the Grand Seignior, who command- 
 ed his body to be ca^t into the Street. But this 
 great severity did not last long, and all things 
 \ retui-ned to their former condition. 
 
 However, matters took again another turn 
 under the Reign of Mahomet the IVth. who 
 in 1670 resolved to forbid all the Soldiery the 
 use of Wine. The terrible seditions that liquor 
 had formerly raised were remembered, and 
 especially, that which happened under Maho- 
 met the Third, who had his Seraglio forced by 
 a great multitude of Soldiers full of Wine, and 
 whose fury he could not free himself from, but 
 by sacrificing his principal favourites. An 
 Edict was published, to prohibit entirely the 
 use of Wine, and to command all those who 
 had any in their houses, to send it out of Town. 
 The same extended all over the empire. The 
 Sultan condemned to Death those who should
 
 152 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 violate this decree, in which he spoke of Wine 
 as a liquor infernal, invented by the Devil to 
 destroy the Souls of Men, to disturb their rea- 
 son, and put States into combustion. This was 
 rigorously put in execution, and to that extre- 
 mity, that it cost the Ambassador of England, 
 and the Christian Merchants of Constantinople 
 great solicitation, and large sums of money, to 
 get leave to make only as much wine as would 
 suffice for their own families. At Smyrna, the 
 Officers of the Grand Seignior had not the same 
 indulgence for the Christians, who were one 
 whole year without wine ; and it was with great 
 difficulty they got leave to import it from the 
 Isles of the Archipelago, and other places, not 
 comprized in that prohibition. For this prohi- 
 bition reached only those places where there 
 were Mosques. Besides all this, they made every 
 Friday Sermons stuffed full of declamations 
 against those who should drink it. In short, 
 this Edict was so severe, that Wine seemed to 
 be banished for ever the States of the Grand 
 Seignior. But in about a year's time its seve- 
 rity was somewhat remitted. The Ambassa- 
 dors, and other Christians had leave to make 
 Wine within tliemselves, and about a year after 
 that, the indulgence for Wine was general, the 
 Taverns were opened, and at this day that 
 liquor is as common as it was before.
 
 CHAP. XXVIII. 
 
 Rides to he observed in getting Drunk. I. Not 
 too often. II. In good Company. 
 
 TO avoid the disorders that Drunkenness 
 might cause, here are some Rules that 
 ought to be observed in this important affair of 
 getting Drunk; for, according to Pliny, the 
 Art of getting Drunk, has its Laws. 
 
 H(^c ars suis legihus constat. 
 
 I. The first, and principal of these, is not 
 to get drunk too often. This is what * Seneca 
 recommends very much. " You must not, 
 " says he, do it often, for fear it grow into a 
 " Habit; 'tis but only sometimes, you should 
 " make your spirits gay in banishing gloomy 
 " sobriety." 
 
 And if any person ob,jects, that if one gets 
 drunk sometimes, one shall do it often. I 
 deny the consequence, and say in the Words 
 of the Philosopher, an axiom held by both 
 Universities, that 
 
 Ah actu ad liahitum non valet consequentia. 
 
 * De Tranquillitate.
 
 154 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 II. Second Rule. One must not get drunk 
 but in good Company. That is to say, with 
 good Friends, people of wit, honour, and 
 good humour, and where there is good Wine. 
 For example, a Man in former times would 
 have done very ill to get drunk with Helioga- 
 halus, whose historian * reports, that after hav- 
 ing made his friends drunk, he used to shut 
 them up in an apartment, and at night let loose 
 upon them Lions, Leopards, and Tygers, which 
 always tore to pieces some of them. On the 
 other Hand, the best Wine in the World will 
 taste very bad in bad Company. 'Tis there- 
 fore, that Martial reproaches one, that he 
 spoiled his good Wine with his silly babling. 
 
 Verhis mucida vina fads. 
 
 * M\\\X9 Lamprid. in Vit. Heliogab.
 
 CHAP. XXIX. 
 Third Rule, With good Wirie. 
 
 WHEN one has a mind to get dnink, 
 one should make choice of good wine, 
 and not drink bad, which is prejudicial to 
 health. For example, green wine is very bad; 
 this *Guilleaume Cretin, a great punster, has 
 expressed in these Verses, which, I own, I am 
 not able to put into English. 
 
 " Par ce vin verds Atropos a trop as 
 " Des corps humains ruez envers en vers 
 " Dont un quidam apre aux pots a propos 
 " A fort blame les tours pervers en vers. 
 
 Good wine, on the contrary, has very good 
 effects. Erasmiis f preserved himself from the 
 plague, by drinking a glass of Burgundy, at a 
 proper season. 
 
 You see now the efficacy of good wine, which, 
 to be in its perfection, the adepts in the Free 
 Schools of Liher Pater say, must have these 
 four properties, and please these four senses; 
 the taste by its savour, the smell by its flavour, 
 
 * Eem. sur Eabel. T. 3. p. 39. 
 f Journ. des Scav. June, 1706.
 
 156 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 the sight by its clean and bright colour, and 
 the ear by the fame of the Country where it 
 grows. Old wine was looked upon to be the 
 best by the Antients. 
 
 A beauty, when advanc'd in age, 
 No more her lovers can engage, 
 But wine, the rare advantage, knows, 
 It pleases more, more old it grows. 
 
 And were they never so old themselves, 
 they would still, if possible, have the wine 
 older than they were. Nee cuiquam adeo longa 
 erat vita, ut non ante se genita potaret* Which 
 these words of Seneca,^ also confirm, " why at 
 " your houses do you drink wine older than 
 " your self? Cwr aj^ud te vinum apud te vet- 
 " ustius iihitur." 
 
 *' De sinuessanis venerunt Massiea prcelis: 
 " Condita quo quceris consule? nullus erat. 
 
 At present, the fame of the best wine in 
 Europe, is reckoned to be, that of Monte Fia- 
 scone, two days journey from Borne. Here it 
 was a German Abbot killed himself by drinking 
 too much of this delicious creature. The story 
 is this, and it is related in LasselVs Travels. 
 
 A certain German Abbot, travelling to Borne, 
 
 * Plin. 
 
 t De Vit. beat. ch. 17.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 157 
 
 ordered his Servant to ride before him, and 
 when he found the best wine, to chalk upon the 
 Door of the Inn, (in order to save time) the 
 Word EST. Coming to Monte Fiascone, he 
 found it so excellent, that he put down, Est, 
 Est, Est, which the Abbot finding true, drank 
 so plentifully of it, that he went no farther on 
 his journey, but lies buried, they say, in the 
 Cathedral Church, with his Epitaph, written 
 by his Servant, the Purveyor. 
 
 Est, Est, Est, 
 
 & 
 
 Propter nimium Est, 
 
 Herus mens Dominus Ahhas 
 
 mortuus Est. 
 
 The wine called LackrynicB Christi, or the 
 Tears of Christ, is a most delicious wine. At 
 least a Master of Arts of the University of 
 Cologn, thought so, who going also to Rome, 
 drank at the same place, pretty heartily of it, 
 and out of the abundance of his heart, cried 
 
 Utinam Chnstus lachrymatus fuisset m nostra 
 Patria. 
 
 I wish Christ had shed Tears in our Coimtry.
 
 158 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 M. H of man believes, that Rhenish wine is 
 the best of all wines for one's health. 
 
 There grows also most excellent wines in 
 France, such as Champagne. 
 
 * Wenceslaus, King of Bohemia and the 
 Romans, being come into France, on account 
 of some Negotiations with Charles the 6th, 
 arrived at Rheims, in the Month of March, 
 1397, when he was in that City, he found the 
 wine so good, that he got drunk more than 
 once; and being one day in that condition, 
 that he could not enter into any serious dis- 
 courses, he rather choose to grant what was 
 asked of him, than leave off drinking. 
 
 The wines of Burgundy must not be for- 
 gotten, which some prefer to Champagne. 
 " Baudius called Vin de Beaulne, Vinum Deo- 
 '^ rum the wine of the Gods." 
 
 The wines of Ai, are also very excellent. 
 S. Ev7'emontX says, that Leo the 10th, Charles 
 the 5th, Francis the 1st, and Hen. 8th, King 
 of England, did not think it below their Dig- 
 nity, amongst the most important affairs of 
 State, to take care to have the wines of Ai. 
 Henry TV. caused himself to be stiled Lord of 
 Ai, and Gonesse. 
 
 * Journ. de Sgav. June, 1706. 
 f Patimana, p. 44. 
 J Lett. S. Evrem.
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 159 
 
 But I shall desire my readers here to ob- 
 serve two things, First, That artificial wines, 
 and many other liquors, containing a great 
 deal of gross viscous matter, excite a Drunken- 
 ness, more long and dangerous, than that 
 which is produced by ordinary wines. Another 
 thing is, never to get drunk with Brandy, 
 Spirits, and Strong Waters. Patin* says 
 very pleasantly, that these are sugar 'd Poisons, 
 which surely kill : they give life to those who 
 sell them, and death to those who use them. 
 
 * Vign. MarvUI, T. 2. p. 7.
 
 CHAP. XXX. 
 
 Fourth Rule, At convenient Times. 
 
 THO' one must not get drunk every day, 
 one may, notwithstanding, on certain oc- 
 casions. One must sometimes unbend the 
 mind. 
 
 Necum semper arcum tendit Apollo. 
 
 And when a Man puts on the air of a Philo- 
 sopher, 'tis then he turns Fool in affecting to 
 be wise. 
 
 There is a time for all things, and so there is 
 in getting drunk, that is, getting drunk with 
 decency and decorum ; and there are some times 
 which are not convenient to do so. As for ex- 
 ample (for I love to illustrate what I advance) 
 it does not suit with decorum for a Judge to be 
 drunk on the Bench ; nor a Crier in the Court 
 
 exercising his Office [hiccup, ki Book] 
 
 a Parson in the Pulpit; an Experimental Philo- 
 sopher in shewing of his Gimcracks; nor a 
 Free-Mason on the top of a Church Steeple. 
 
 But it suits very well with strict Decorum, 
 to get dnmk at a public rejoicing after a signal 
 Victory.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 161 
 
 When the proud Gaul sustained an overthrow 
 By the immortal MARLBOROUGH, 
 Ever invincible ! then you and I, 
 My Thirsis, shar'd the common joy. 
 Blenheim and Rameillies were then our song, 
 The Day tho' short, the Night was long. 
 Till both with mighty Claret glow'd, 
 And tipsy, to our Beds were show'd. 
 
 We may also very decently get drunk with a 
 Friend we have not seen a long while. 
 
 Here 'tis! welcome, Flask divine, 
 
 How bright does thy vermillion shine! 
 
 Thou charming native of Dijon* 
 
 At thy approach my cares are flown, 
 
 Sad Melancholy is no more, 
 
 Which rack'd and plagu'd my soul before. 
 
 Whether thy influence incites, 
 
 (Sweet influence) to soft delights; 
 
 Or else doth other measures keep, 
 
 And gently urge to peaceful sleep. 
 
 may'st thou still such streams bestow, 
 
 Still with such ruddy torrents flow. 
 
 Damon, this Bottle is your due, 
 
 And more I have in store for you, 
 
 Under the sun the faithfullest friend : 
 
 I've kept them for no other end. 
 
 Drink then a bumper, 'tis a folly. 
 
 Dear Damon, to be melancholy. 
 
 * Dijon, chief City in Burgundy.
 
 162 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 However rigorous the Roman Laws were 
 against drunkenness, they permitted it never- 
 theless on their Festivals ; wdtness what a young 
 Man said to his Father in presence of the Peo- 
 ple.* " No, Father," says he, "I have no 
 ' ' reason to be ashamed for having taken a little 
 " more wine than ordinary at a feast with my 
 " companions." Non est res qua emhescam, 
 Pater si die festo inter cequales largiore vino fui 
 usus. 
 
 The Persian Soldiers, who othenvise lived 
 very soberly, were permitted to get drunk once 
 a year.f 
 
 In Georgia, he who did not get quite drunk 
 at their principal Holidays, as at Easter and 
 Christmas, was not looked upon to be a Chris- 
 tian, and ought to be excommunicated. $So 
 that, according to this, getting drunk at certain 
 convenient times amongst these Christians, was 
 so far from being unlawful, that a man was not 
 looked upon to be orthodox without he did so. 
 Getting drunk is therefore very Orthodox. 
 
 * Tit. Liv. lib. 4. ch. 14. 
 
 t Alex. ab. Alex. lib. 2. ch. 11. 
 
 t Voyag. de Chard. T. 2. 129.
 
 CHAP. XXXI. 
 
 Fifth Rule, To force no one to drink. 
 
 IT is very ridiculous and unreasonable to 
 force any one to drink, because the taking 
 away Liberty spoils Company, the Benefit of 
 which cannot subsist without Freedom. Be- 
 sides, every Man's Capacity of drinking is not 
 the same; one shall be able to drink a Gallon, 
 and another a Pint; the latter therefore, by 
 drinking a Pint, has drank as much as the for- 
 mer when he has taken off his Gallon, because 
 
 they both have drank as they can, and 
 
 Ferdinando No Man can do more than 
 
 he can do. Let every Man therefore have the 
 Liberty to drink as he pleases, without being 
 tied up to the same laws of drinking. I am of 
 the opinion in this matter with brother Horace. 
 
 -Prout ciuq; lihide est 
 
 Siccat inequales calices conviva solutus 
 Legibus insanis, sen quis capit acria fortis 
 Pocula, sen modicis humescit Icetius 
 
 We learn from history, that there was an an- 
 tient law amongst the Persians, that forbad any
 
 164 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 one to force another to drink. The Lacedemo- 
 nians also had that laudable custom. 
 
 Charlemagne also made a law, that prohibit- 
 ed forcing any one to drink. 
 
 Mr. Bayle reports a very pleasant revenge 
 that M. Peyren gave to Raphael Thorius, a 
 very learned person, who would force him to 
 drink, which take as follows. * " M. Peyren, 
 " dining at London with several persons of 
 " learning, could not be discharged from drink- 
 " ing a health that Dr. Thorius toasted. The 
 " Glass was of a prodigious size, which M. Pey- 
 " ren, for that reason, a long while refused, 
 " and alleged a thousand reasons, but all in 
 " vain: He must empty the Glass. Before he 
 " did it he made this agreement 'wnth his anta- 
 " gonist, that he should drink a health after- 
 ' * wards that he should toast to him ; which be- 
 " ing consented to, he took off the Bumper, 
 ' ' and filled the glass full of Water, and drank 
 "it off to the Doctor, who thereupon was 
 "thunder-struck, but seeing he could not get 
 " off, sighed deeply, and lifted the Glass a 
 " thousand times to his lips, and as often drew 
 ' ' it back again : He called to his assistance all 
 " the quaint sayings of the Greek and Latin 
 " poets, and was almost the whole day drinking 
 " that cursed Bumper." 
 
 Diction, p. 2875. Art. Thor.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 165 
 
 This is not nmcli unlike what M. Chevreau 
 reports of Marigni, who, * " after having dined 
 ' ' at one of the best eating houses in Frankfort, 
 " with six or seven persons of quality, was call- 
 " ed to the sideboard, where one of them began 
 " the Emperor's health. This he must drink, 
 " and as he foresaw very well, that this extra- 
 " vagance would be attended with others, he 
 " ordered three or four great pieces of bread to 
 " be brought to him, and having eaten half of 
 " one to the health of the King of France, he 
 " gave the other half to the other, who took it, 
 " indeed, but would not so much as put it to 
 " his mouth. The company surprised at so un- 
 ' ' expected a novelty, let him alone without any 
 " contradiction." 
 
 Nevertheless, one should be very diligent in 
 observing this rule, which is. That when we 
 find ourselves in the company of people that 
 drink, and would not run those lengths they 
 are going to do, to retire ; and this was a stand- 
 ing law amongst the Greeks in their festivals, 
 and ought to be as unalterable as the laws of 
 the Medes and Persians, viz. 
 
 Drink, or go about youe business. 
 
 Chevrseana, T. 2. p. 188.
 
 CHAP. XXXII. 
 
 Sixth Rule. Not to push Drunkenness too far. 
 
 IT is certain, that to do well, we ought con- 
 tinually to have an eye to this maxim of 
 Horace, viz. Est modus in rebus. And the 
 Ne quid nimis of Terence. But especially, in 
 this grand and most important affair of Drunk- 
 enness. Seneca very well distinguishes two 
 sorts of Drunkenness, one which entirely buries 
 our Reason; and the other, which only diverts 
 Melancholy and Chagrin. The last we believe 
 to be very lawful : But we would have it go far- 
 ther, even so far, as not only to divert, but to 
 drive away our cares entirely, or else not to get 
 drunk at all. That which is between these, if 
 any such there can be, does an injury, accord- 
 ing to the Poet. 
 
 Ant nulla Ehrietas, aut tanta sit ut tibi curas 
 Eripiat, si quw est inter utramque nocet. 
 
 After this manner would we have People use 
 the Juice of the Grape; that is, to go so far, 
 as to make our Hearts merry, gay, and spright- 
 ly, and so as to forget our cares. 
 
 It would be here useless to shew, by a great 
 many examples, the Disorders that Drunken-
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 167 
 
 ness has caused, when pushed too far, because 
 it was never the intention of this work, but to 
 divert, (as Wine was designed to do,) and 
 make merry, I shall therefore conclude the 
 whole with an Ode to Bacchus, as follows: 
 
 ODE TO BACCHUS 
 I. 
 
 LET'S sing the Glories of the God of 
 Wine, 
 
 May his immortal Praise 
 Be the eternal Object of our Song, 
 And sweetest Symphonies; may ev'ry Tongue 
 
 And throat sonorous, vocal Music raise. 
 And ev'ry grateful Instrument combine 
 To celebrate, great God, thy Power Divine. 
 Let other Poets to the World relate, 
 Of Troy, the hard, unhappy Fate; 
 
 And in immortal Song rehearse. 
 Purpled with streams of Blood, the Phrygian 
 
 Plain ; 
 The glorious His 'try of Achilles slain. 
 
 And th' odious Memory of Pelop's Sons 
 revive in Verse. 
 
 II. 
 
 God of the Grape, thou potent Boy, 
 Thou only Object of our cordial Vows, 
 To thee alone I consecrate my Heart,
 
 168 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Ready to follow thee in ev 'ry Part : 
 Thy influence Sweet Mirth bestows, 
 
 For thee alone I'd live and die in Scenes of 
 Joy. 
 Thy Bounty all our Wishes still prevents; 
 Thy wond'rous Sweetness calms to soft Repose 
 Our wild Regrets and restless Woes, 
 And richly ev'ry craving Mind contents. 
 Without thee Vemis has no Charms; 
 You, Constancy to am'rous Souls impart, 
 And Hopes bestow to each despairing Heart, 
 
 III. 
 
 But, what involuntary Transports roll, 
 And seize, at once, my agitated Soul ! 
 Into what sacred Vale ! what silent Wood ! 
 (I speak not by the Vulgar understood.) 
 Am I, God! wondrous Deity! 
 Ravished : brimful of thy Divinity and Thee ! 
 To my (once Infidel) believing Eyes 
 Bacchus unveils entire his sacred Mysteries. 
 Movements confus'd of Joy and Fear 
 Hurry me I know not where. 
 
 With boldness all Divine the God inspires; 
 With what a pleasing Fury am I fill'd ! 
 
 Such raging Fires 
 Never the Menacles in Thracian Caves beheld. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Descend, Mother-Queen of Love,
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 169 
 
 Leave a while the realms above ; 
 
 With your gay presence grace the Feast 
 
 Of that great God, who bears a boundless Sway, 
 
 Who conquer 'd Climates where first rose the 
 
 Day. 
 Descend, Mother-Queen of Love, 
 At rich Repasts an ever welcome guest; 
 
 But , too long you stay. 
 
 Already young Amyntor brisk and gay 
 
 His lovely Doris o'er the plain pursues: 
 The sparkling Juice at Sylvan Nymphs com- 
 mand 
 Richly distills from their ambrosial Hand, 
 
 And old Silenus copiously bedews. 
 
 Hence, ye profane, 
 
 I hate ye all, fly, quit the Field, 
 My ready Soul gives way 
 To those gay Movements this important day 
 
 Inspires, so to the Conq'ror willing Captives 
 yield. 
 Come faithful followers of Bacchus' train, 
 {Bacchus, most lovely of the Gods) 
 Enter these bless 'd abodes. 
 On high his verdant Banners rear. 
 And quick the festival prepare. 
 Reach me my Lute, a proper Air
 
 170 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 The Chords shall sound; the trembling Chords 
 
 obey, 
 And join to celebrate this glorious day. 
 
 VI. 
 
 But 'midst the transports of a pleasing rage, 
 Let's banish ever hence. 
 By a blind Vapour rais'd, and vain pretence, 
 
 Those loud seditious clamours that engage 
 
 Only inhuman, brutish Souls, 
 By barb'rous Scythians only understood, 
 Who cruelly their flowing Bowls 
 
 At banqiiets intermix with streams of blood. 
 Dreadful, preposterous merriment! 
 Our hands all gaily innocent, 
 Ought ne'er in such confusion bear a part, 
 Polluted with a savage Centaur's mortal dart. 
 
 VII. 
 
 From this sweet innocent repast, 
 
 (Too exquisite, alas! to last) 
 
 Let's ever banish the rude din of Arms, 
 
 Frightful Bellona, and her dread alarms. 
 
 The dire confusions of pernicious war. 
 
 The Satyrs, Fauns, and Bacchus, all abhor. 
 
 Curs'd be those sanguinary mortals, who 
 Of reeking blood with crimson tides 
 
 The sacred mysteries imbrue 
 Of our great God who over peace presides.
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 171 
 VIII. 
 
 But if I must wage war, 
 If so necessity commands, 
 Follow, ray friends, advance your Hands, 
 
 Let us commence the pleasing jar. 
 With wreaths of Ivy be our Temples bound, 
 Hark! to Arms, to Arms, they sound, 
 Th' Alarm to Battle calls, 
 Lend me your formidable Thyrse ye Bacchanals. 
 
 Double your Strokes. Bold bolder yet, 
 
 'Tis done How many rivals conquer 'd 
 
 lie? 
 
 How many hardy combatants submit? 
 
 Son of Jupiter, thy deity. 
 
 And Sovereign Power, we own, and aid di- 
 vine: 
 Nothing but heaps of jolly Topers slain 
 
 1 see extended on the plain, 
 
 Floating in ruddy streams of reeking Wine. 
 
 IX. 
 
 lo Victoria to our King, 
 
 To Bacchus songs of triumph let us sing ; 
 
 His great immortal name 
 
 Let us aloud to distant worlds proclaim, 
 
 lo Victoria to our King, 
 
 To Bacchus grateful strains belong; 
 
 ! may his glories live in endless song, 
 
 The vanquish 'd wel'tring on the sand,
 
 172 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 One health from us their coHqu'ror demand. 
 
 Fill me a Bumper. Trumpet sound, 
 Second my voice, loud, louder yet, 
 Sound our exploits, and their defeat, 
 
 Who quiet, undisturb'd, possess the ground, 
 lo Victoria to our King, 
 To Bacchus, songs of triumph let us sing. 
 
 To this great work now finished (God be 
 thanked) I subscribe as usual in the like Cases 
 of Books, for I love decorum, and have an ut- 
 ter aversion to particularity, prolixity, and cir- 
 cumlocution. I say, to make short, I sub- 
 scribe as usual, &c. in the like Cases, &c. for I 
 love, &c. and have an aversion, &c. the univer- 
 sally famous and most noted name which is sub- 
 scribed to all Books by what name or titles dig- 
 nified or distinguished: Or of what sort, spe- 
 cies, size, dimension, or magnitude soever, 
 pamphletary, or voluminous; whether they 
 be first and foremost, plays, either comical, 
 tragical, comi-tragical, tragi-comical, or pasto- 
 ral ; godly, or prophane songs, or ballads; 
 sermons, high or low, Popish or Protestant, 
 disenting, independent, enthusiastical, brownis- 
 tical, heterodox or orthodox; Philadelphian, 
 Muggletonian, Sacheverelian, or Bangorian, 
 Quaking, Rhapsodical, Prophetical, or Non- 
 sensical, Legends golden or plain; Breviaries, 
 Graduals, Missals, Pontificals, Ceremonials,
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 173 
 
 Antiphonaries, Statutes, Spelling Books. Or, 
 secondly and lastly, Tracts, Treatises, Essays; 
 Pandects, Codes, Institutes; Primers, Ro- 
 saries, Romances; Travels, Synods, History 
 Books; Digests, Decretals, Lives; Commenta- 
 ries Anagogical, Allegorical or Tropological ; 
 Journals, Expositions, Vocabularies, Pilgrim- 
 ages, Manuals, Indexes, Common or Expur- 
 gatorial ; Almanacks, Bulls, Constitutions, or 
 Lottery Books, viz. i. e. namely, to wit, or that 
 is to say, 
 
 FINIS, 
 
 Which, being interpreted is, 
 The E N D.
 
 POSTSCRIPT. 
 
 HAVING received the following Letter 
 from a merry friend, wherein are some 
 (not unpleasant) Remarks, on the foregoing 
 Treatise, I thought fit to send it to the Press, 
 which the Reader, as he is at liberty either to 
 read, or let alone, so it is the same thing to me, 
 whether he does read it, or let it alone. 
 
 To the renowned Boniface Omophilus de 
 Monte Fiascone, A. B. C. Author of the most 
 inimitable (and non-pareil) Treatise, Ehrietatis 
 Encomium, to be left with that Mirror of priva- 
 tive perspicuity, Signor Edemondo Curluccio, 
 at the Bible and Dial over against Catherine- 
 street in the Strand. 
 
 Right Trusty, and ivell-heloved, I greet you 
 well, 
 
 HAVING perused (at the Booksellers, who, 
 showed me the sheets) your Ehrietatis 
 Encomium all through, even unto Finis, or the 
 End, I own I was not a little diverted thereat. 
 But as I never flatter any body, so my friends 
 may least of all expect I should begin with 
 them. I must, therefore, be frank and free with 
 you, most renowned, and never-to-be-forgotten 
 Boniface, post nullos memorande sodales, and
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 175 
 
 tell you, that you have omitted several things 
 very material, and highly conducible to the 
 elucidation, or illustration (ehuse you whether) 
 of your agreeable subject. But perhaps they 
 either did not occur to your memory ; or, which 
 is the same thing (quoad Lcctorem) you were 
 entirely ignorant of them, but which take as 
 follow. 
 
 First and foremost, amongst your Philoso- 
 phers you have taken no notice of the stupend- 
 ous Des Cartes, with his wonderful system of 
 whirlpools (Vortices) and particles cubic, conic, 
 striate, oblong, globular, hooked, crooked, 
 spiral and anguilear: For who the devil but a 
 mere tipsey, giddy Brains, could have dished 
 up such a confounded Hotch-potch and Galli- 
 matias of whimsical rotations, or fancied that 
 the whole Earth whirl 'd round like a town-top, 
 had not Vinorum materia suhtilis, the circling 
 Effluvia of Liber Pater abundantly invaded his 
 capital regions. 
 
 So have I seen in Days of Yore a Dame 
 At Winchester, who seventy winters knew, 
 Not more nor less, my mistress then yclept, 
 Hight Margaret, deceas'd long since I trow, 
 Whose fate I thus bemoan 'd in song sublime. 
 
 She's gone, alas! the beauteous nymph is 
 dead, 
 Dead to my hopes, and all my eager wishes:
 
 176 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Such is the state of poor unhappy man, 
 All things soon pass away, nought permanent. 
 That rolls beneath the Vortex of the Moon. 
 So when we've screw 'd up to the highest Peg* 
 Our ample lines of future happiness, 
 Some disappointments dire, or chance disas- 
 trous, 
 Snaps the extended Chords. ! then farewel, 
 No more shall visual ray of form acute 
 Affect her wondrous mien. Farewel those lips 
 Of Sapphire tincture, gums of Crocus die 
 Freed from th' ungrateful load of cumbrous 
 
 teeth. 
 Mantle farewell, of Grogram brown compos 'd, 
 Studded with silver clasp in number plural : 
 With jacket short, so famous, tory red. 
 Not hemm'd, but bound about with good gal- 
 loon 
 Of deepest Mazanne (delightful hue!) 
 Farewell (I sighing speak) those non-such 
 
 shoes 
 Of obfusc colour (heel of form cylindrous) 
 In Loves true Knot of verdant Ferrit tied. 
 
 But oh! farewell, a long and last farewell, 
 To large Ampiill with vital water fraught. 
 Wherein the Effluvia soft and delicate 
 Of dulcet anniseed (not Coriander) 
 In its capacious rim of form anguillar 
 
 You must remember my Mrs's. name was Margaret.
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 177 
 
 Whirl in sweet Vortex. Hence it was observed, 
 The subtile matter, when in throat retir'd, 
 Kept still its roulant ciuality, and oft 
 Would mount in circling spires to Pericranium 
 Of she-philosopher, when in elbow chair, 
 Deep and profound, would the grave matron 
 
 reve, 
 And learnedly pronounce (like great Rena- 
 
 TUS*) 
 
 With equal verity the world turns round. 
 
 Secondly and lastmost, you should have add- 
 ed at the end of the Philosophers chapter, the 
 song of the Tippling Philosopliers, which I send 
 you here inclosed. 
 
 The bookseller to whom I mentioned this, 
 fancied truly, that you might think it too mean 
 and trifling to insert. But without troubling 
 myself to know, whether this be your sentiment, 
 or whether he spoke this of his owai head, I 
 shall trouble myself to tell you, as this song is 
 taken from an excellent French one, which you 
 may find in a very famous Bookf, and which 
 (to follow your method) you may Imow by the 
 note at the bottom. The song (whether you 
 have ever seen it, or not, I neither know, nor 
 do I care) is as follows, and will go with the 
 same tune as the English (if I am not mis- 
 taken.) 
 
 * Des Cartes 's Christian name. 
 
 f Fureteriana, p. 205.
 
 CHANSON a BOIRE. 
 I. 
 
 J Echerche en vin la verite 
 
 Si le vin n'aide a ma foiblesse. 
 Toute la docte antiquite 
 
 Dans le vin puisa la sagesse. 
 Oui ce par le hon vin que le hon sens eclate 
 J'en atteste Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit qu'il faut a chaque mois 
 Du moins s'enyvrer une fois. 
 
 II. 
 
 Socrate cet homme discret 
 
 Qui toute la terre revere, 
 Alloit manger au Caharet 
 
 Quand sa femme etoit en colere. 
 Pouvons-nous mieux faire que d'imiter Socrate 
 Et de Suivre Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, &c. 
 
 III. 
 
 Platon est nomme le divin 
 
 Farce qu'il etoit magnifique 
 Et qu'il regala de son vin 
 
 La cabale philosophique. 
 8a table fut toujours splendide & delicate
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 179 
 
 II suivit Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, &c. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Aristotle huvoit autant 
 
 Et nous avons lieu de le croire 
 De ce qu' Alexandre le grand 
 
 Son disciple aimoii tant a boire. 
 Qu'il degeida cent fois sur les hords de I' 
 
 Euphrate 
 En suivant Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, &c. 
 
 V. 
 
 L'ou veut que Diogene aimoit I'eau, 
 
 Mais il n'eut point cette folic 
 II so logea dans un tonneau 
 
 Pour sentir le gout de la lie. 
 Et pour mieux boire au pot, il jetta la sa jatte 
 Et tint pour Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, <&c. 
 
 VI. 
 
 Democrite pres de sa fin, 
 
 Par une invention jolie, 
 En flairant seulement le vin, 
 
 De trois jour prolongua sa vie. 
 Le vin retarde plus la mort, qu'il ne la hate 
 Temoin notre Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, &c.
 
 180 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 VII. 
 
 Heraclite toujours etoit 
 
 En pleurs a ce que dit I' histoire, 
 Mais ce que le vin lui fortoit 
 
 Par les yeux a force de toire. 
 Par ce remede seul il guerissoit sa rate 
 Comme ordonne Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, &c. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Epicure sa^is contredit 
 
 De hons huveurs est le vrai pere, 
 Et sa morale nous induit 
 
 Au plaisir, a la honne cJiere. 
 En vain Vhomme id has d'mi autre Men se 
 
 flatte : 
 Suivons done Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, d'C. 
 
 IX. 
 
 Esope quelque fois la nuit, 
 
 De complot avec la servante 
 Chahimoit sans faire de hrute 
 
 Les tonneaux de son maitre Xante. 
 II en cut mis dix pots sous sa grosse Omoplate, 
 II suivit Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, &c.
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 181 
 X. 
 
 Galen, ce fameux docteur 
 
 En traittant du jus de la vigne, 
 Bit qu'il faur defendre le coeur 
 
 Contre la qualite maligne 
 Qui trouble nos humeurs, les altere & les gate 
 Et rapparte Hypocrate, 
 Qui dit, &c.
 
 THE 
 
 TIPLING PHILOSOPHERS. 
 I. 
 
 DIOGENES surly and proud, 
 
 Who snarl 'd at the Macedon Youth, 
 Delighted in Wine that was good, 
 
 Because in good Wine there is Tnith; 
 But growing as poor as a Joh, 
 
 Unable to purchase a Flask, 
 He chose for his Mansion a Tub, 
 
 And liv'd by the Scent of the Cask, 
 
 II. 
 
 Heraclitus ne'er wou'd deny, 
 
 To tipple and cherish his Heart, 
 And when he was Maudlin he'd cry, 
 
 Because he had empty 'd his Quart: 
 Tho' some are so foolish to think. 
 
 He wept at Mens Folly and Vice, 
 'Twas only his Fasliion to drink. 
 
 Till the Liquor flow'd out of his Eyes. 
 
 III. 
 
 Democrit'iis always was glad, 
 
 Of a Bumper to chear up his Soul, 
 And wou'd laugh like a Man that was mad,
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 183 
 
 When over a good flowing Bowl. 
 As long as his Cellar was stor'd, 
 
 The Liquor he'd merrily qiiaft', 
 And when he was Drunk as a Lord 
 
 At those that were Sober he'd laugh. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Copernicus too like the rest, 
 
 Believ'd there was Wisdom in Wine, 
 And thought that a Cup of the Best 
 
 Made Reason the better to shine. 
 With Wine he'd replenish his Veins, 
 
 And make his Philosophy reel. 
 Then fancy 'd the World, like his Brains, 
 
 Turn'd round like a Chariot Wheel. 
 
 Aristotle that Master of Arts, 
 
 Had been but a Dunce without Wine, 
 And what we ascribe to his Parts, 
 
 Is due to the Juice of the Vine. 
 His Belly, most Writers agree, 
 
 Was as big as a watering Trough, 
 He therefore leap'd into the Sea, 
 
 Because he'd have Liquor enough. 
 
 VI. 
 
 Old Plato that learned Divine, 
 
 He fondly to Wisdom was prone, 
 But had it not been for good Wine,
 
 184 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 His Merits had never been known : 
 By Wine we are generous made, 
 
 It furnishes Fancy with Wings, 
 Without it we ne'er shou'd have had 
 
 Philosophers, Poets, or Kings. 
 
 Thirdly and Lastly, I wish in Chap. 23. in 
 your Answers to the Objection, That one can- 
 not trust a Man that gets drunk, you had been 
 pleased to have taken Notice of the Taciturnity 
 and Continency of the right Worshipful the 
 Free Masons in this Respect. For tho ' otherwise 
 they are free enough of Speech, yet I do as- 
 sure you, as to Secrets, tho' some of them love 
 the Creature very heartily, and carouse abund- 
 antly, yet has it never been known, tho' never 
 so fuddled (for Free Masons will get fuddled) 
 that they ever discovered any of their Secrets. 
 This is irresistible, irrefragable, irrefutable, or 
 if you will, to speak (norunt dialectici) in 
 stylo inftnito, non-resistible, non-refragable, and 
 non-refutable, and, indeed, is my Argumentxim 
 palmare Scotisticum. 
 
 But and. Fourthly, also, and Finally, you 
 will give me leave to remark to you. That in 
 relation to St. Boniface's Cup, which you take 
 Notice of Chap. XI. p. 50. I. 6. I do assure 
 you. Sir, The Practice was some Years ago, to 
 my certain Knowledge, much in vogue (and, as 
 I am credibly informed, is still wonderfully
 
 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 185 
 
 Catholic) and, by the bye, take the following 
 Relation. 
 
 In the beginning of the last Wars, when I 
 was very yonng, I had the ]\Iisfortune to be 
 Prisoner in Luxemburg, and not too civilly 
 treated by the Governor, the morose Count 
 Dautel. Close Confinement (tho' in the Post- 
 Master's House) Avith the unusual Smell of the 
 Stoves (for it was in the cold Month of March) 
 made me very ill, and worse, in all probability 
 should have been, had I not obtained the Lib- 
 erty of the Town, which, after many fruitless 
 Solicitations, I despaired, from the ill-natured 
 Governor, nor should ever have had, were it 
 not by the pressing Instance of Father Cripps, 
 a German Franciscan Friar, of the Convent of 
 Luxembourg, whom they called there Heer* 
 Cripps, being Confessor to the Governor, and 
 having been once sent on a Message of Moment 
 from him to the King of Spain, Philip the 5th, 
 now reigning. 
 
 This Father was really a good Man, and a 
 Man of Honour, him I gained by the good Na- 
 ture of the Post-Master, whose Son was then in 
 his Noviceship, in the Noviciate of their Order 
 at Ulflingen. I need not tell you, that by 
 
 * Heer, in High Dutch, is the same as Monsieur in 
 French, and is given to Persons of the highest Distinction.
 
 186 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 
 
 Noviceship is meant that Year of Probation, 
 which those who have a Mind to enter into any 
 Religious Order in the Church of Borne, must 
 pass thro', before they can be professed, or take 
 their Vows. This you, who have been Abroad, 
 must know as well as I. 
 
 This good Father, with much ado, obtained 
 what I desired from the Governor, who he said 
 was, Homo mirabilis in negotiis suis, which, by 
 the sequel of his Discourse, I understood sig- 
 nified, a very strange Man in his Affairs. Grat- 
 itude obliged me to invite this Reverend Father 
 to a Glass of Bhenish, the Wine of the Country, 
 which he frankly accepted of in the afternoon, 
 and, indeed, drank very plentifully, more Ger- 
 manorum, as you have described. But tho' he 
 would drink largely as well as his Companion, 
 yet I must own, that in none of the many merry 
 Bouts we had together (for he visited me very 
 often afterwards, as I did him, I never saw 
 him so far advanced as to loose his Reason) he 
 never failed a large Glass brimful to St. Boni- 
 face, which he drank to the pious Memory of 
 the good Father, ad piiini memoriam honi pa- 
 iris, and sometimes only to the good Father, 
 ad homim patreni. I found afterwards the 
 same laudable Custom of St. Boniface's Cup in 
 the Low Countries, France and Italy, &c. among 
 the Religious.
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 187 
 
 And now, before I subscribe myself, Sir, 
 
 Your most obedient, &c. 
 
 give me leave to tell you, that the French Re- 
 ligious, who do not speak much Latin, drink 
 Healths in their own Language. But I was 
 surprised, when I heard in a certain Monastery 
 every one of the Fathers drink a full Glass to 
 each other in these Words, a Bumper, as I 
 thought. I am obliged to your Reverence 
 (Reverend Father, said I to the Procurator, 
 who sat next me, and drank to me in the same 
 Words) in drinking to our Country Language, 
 you do me a great deal of Honour. It may be 
 your Country Phrase, said the Prior to me, 
 very gravely, for what I know; your Country 
 Men make use of a great many of our Words, 
 but the Thing itself, let the Word (or vox 
 significans) be what it will, the Thing (or res 
 significata) is very laudable, and every one 
 will practice, who has any respect for the Sa- 
 cred See, Holy Church, and the good of his 
 own Soul. Did you never hear of the Indulg- 
 encies that the good Father, Holy Pope St. 
 Boniface, has granted to such as drink his Cup, 
 and which we have just now piously done? I 
 ask your Reverence's Pardon, Reverend Father, 
 said I, I thought we had only been drinking 
 a Bumper to one another. Seulement au hon 
 pere! replied he a little warmly (for the Con-
 
 188 THE PRAISE OF DRUNKENNESS 
 
 versation was all in French, and which Word 
 I till then mistook for a Bumper.) Why, that 
 is all, said he, mais (continued he) c'etoit au 
 bon pere St. Boniface. You see, Sir, the double 
 Entendre*, and that drinking of Bumpers, 
 which some Precisians have ignorantly called 
 Profane, is a Practice very Orthodox and 
 Catholic. 
 
 Heigh Church militant, rare Church militant, 
 dainty Church militant, 0! 
 
 Dub. Bub. Bub. Bub a dub. Bub. Bub. 
 
 Tan. Tan. Tan. Tan. tara rara ra. 
 
 Adieu, man tres-cher, 
 
 Votre ami tres-affectione 
 
 & 
 
 Valet bien-humble 
 May 1, 1723, 
 From my Garret in 
 Bandy legged Walk. 
 
 F. Sans-terre. 
 
 * The Transition from au bon pere, which is pure 
 French to a Bumper, is very natural and definitely more 
 so, than that Golden Pippen should he derived from 
 Cooper, which was said to he effected, in process of Time, 
 after this manner, Cooper, Hooper, Roper, Diaper, Nap- 
 kin, Pipkin, King Pepin, Golden Pippin,
 
 THE PRAISE OP DRUNKENNESS 189 
 P. S. I paid the Waterman Six Pence. 
 FINIS. 
 OMISS. 
 
 PAGE 141. 1. 13. after Cylindraus read Worn only up 
 Days Non-ferial.
 
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