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AN
BXMOOR SCOLDING;
IN THE
PROPRIETY AND DECENCY
OF
EXMOOR LANGUAGE,
BETWEEN TWO SISTERS,
WILMOT MOREMAN AND THOMASIN MOREMAN,
as tl)e8 tucre Spinning,
ALSO, AN
EXMOOR COURTSHIP.
A NBW EDITION,
WITH NOTES AND A GLOSSARY
EXPLAINING UNCOUTH EXPRESSIONS ANB INTERPRETING
BARBAROUS WORDS AND PHRASES.
LONDON:
JOHN RUSSELL SMITH,
4, OLD COMPTON STREET, SOHO.
MDCCCXXXIX.
-» i \ . * I 1 t I i > ' ^ J.
. . . . • . . . c ...
* • ^ . '.
,*
PREFACE
1874
TO THE
EIGHTH EDITION PRINTED IN 1771.
The former editions of these Dialogues, though
well received and esteemed by those who had some
acquaintance with the provincial dialects in the
-^western parts of England, yet for want of such a
^ Glossary as is now added, were in a great measure
■i unintelligible to most others, except perhaps a few
N^ etymologists and collectors of old and uncommon
-H^ words. The editors have therefore endeavoured
^ to supply that defect ; and that this eighth edition
might be rendered as correct as possible, the
'-g whole has been carefully revised, some explanatory
^ notes inserted, and the spelling of the provincial
sn words better accommodated to their usual pronun-
SjCiation among the peasants in the county of Devon.
,^ This, as well as their explanations in the Vocabu-
lary or Glossary, it is presumed may be of some
use to such lawyers as go the western circuit, by
;>■ whom the evidence of a countryman is sometimes
fn mistaken, for want of a proper interpretation of
r> his language. In this Glossary we have not only
^ shewn in what sense the most uncommon words
are generally understood in this county, but also
^the etymologies of most of them, whether derived
^from the old Anglo-Saxon, or from the British,
^
IV PREFACE.
French, Dutch, &c. Some few, whereof the true
signification was somewhat doubtful, are clistin-
i^uished by a Q. The meaning of these we should
be glad to see better ascertained ; and if any per-
son of judgment shall observe any other words to
be ill explained in this Glossary, he is desired to
signify it to the editors, to be corrected in a future
edition.
It may be proper to advertise such of our read-
ers as may be strangers to the Devonshire dialects,,
that the following is a genuine specimen thereof as
spoken in those parts of the county where the
scene is laid ; (the phraseology being also agree-
able thereto, and the similes, &c. properly adapted
to the characters of the speakers ;) and not an ar-
bitrary collection of ill-connected clownish words,
like those introduced into the journals of some late
sentimental travellers, as well as the productions of
some dramatic writers, whose clowns no more
speak in their own proper dialects, than a dull
school-boy makes elegant and classical Latin ;
their supposed language being such as would be
no less unintelligible to the rustics themselves,
than to those polite pretenders to criticism who
thereby mean to make them ridiculous. It must
be confessed that the followinfic dialofjues have not
been exempt from somewhat of the like censure ;
it liaving been alleged, that in the Exmoor Scold-
ing particularly, the substantives have frequently
too many adjectives annexed to them, nearly sy-
nonymous ; and that the objurgatory wenches in
that part of the country have not such a copia ver-
boriim as is here represented : but we may appeal
for the truth of the contrary, to all who have heard
the most noted scolds among them, when engaged
and well-matched with foul-mouthed and nimble-
tongued antagonists ; and how apt they are to
PREFACE. V
String up together a variety of abusive words and
devout names (as they term them), though many
of them like Sancho's proverbs, have nearly the
same meaning ; not s])aring others which may
be sometimes impertinent to, and beside their pur-
pose, provided they are sufficiently abusive.
The following collection was originally made,
about the beginning of the present century, by a
blind itinerant fidler, (one Peter Lock, of North-
Moiiltou, or its neighbourhood, who was a man of
some humour, and though his skill and dexterity as
a musician is said to have recommended liira to the
notice of the great, his more common converse
with the lower class of people gave him frequent
opportunities of hearing and observing their
phrases and diction ; and as persons deprived of
sight have generally a good memory, he was
thereby the better enabled to retain and repeat them.
This attracted the notice of a neighbouring clergy-
man, who by the fidler's assistance put the " Ex-
moor Scoldingr" into the form in which we now
have it, and before his death (which happened
soon after the year 1725,) communicated it to the
editor of the first and subsequent editions, who
perfected the " Courtship;" but copies of the Scold-
ing were, for some time before and after this,
handed about in manuscript, of which the writer
hereof has seen one near 40 years since, which was
then taken to be the original composition of the
clergyman aforesaid ; few being then apprehensive
of its having any other author, or how far the
person who furnished the materials might claim
title thereto, though his fame as a fidler was not
yet extinct.
It may be also requisite to observe liere, that
the Forest of Exmoor (so called as being the moor
wherein the river Exe rises), is for the most part
VI PREFACE.
in the County of Somerset ; and though Parra-
combe and Challacombe in its neighbourhood, which
is tlie scene of our drama, be in Devonshire, it must
not be thence inferred that the same dialect in all
particulars extends through the whole county ; it.
being chiefly confined to tlie northern parts thereof:
for many words and phrases therein, would not be
well understood by people in the South-Hams, (by
which is meant all the southern parts of Devon-
shire, and not any ])articular toAvn as some topo-
graphical authors have supposed) ; where the dia-
lect varies as much from this, as this from that of
Dorset and Wiltshire. And even near Exmoor,
none but the very lowest class of people generally
speak the language here exemplified ; but were it
more commonly spoken by their betters, perhaps it
mijrht not be so much to their discredit as some
may imagine ; most of the antiquated words being
so expressive as not to be despised, though now
grown obsolete, and no longer used by the politer
Devonians, who in general speak as good modern
English as those of any other county. 'Tis well
known that after the expulsion of the antient Bri-
tons from those parts of the kingdom which our
Saxon ancestors had conquered, the English Saxon
language (a dialect of the old Teutonic or high
Dutch) took place of the British, every where but
in Wales and Cornwall ; and so continued till the
Norman Conquest, when the conqueror endea-
voured to introduce the French tongue, and caus-
ing all edicts and judicial proceedings to be in that
language, the Saxon soon became intermixed with
much of the old Norman French. But notwith-
standing this, and some tincture of British and
Danish, besides the words borrowed from the
learned languages by the Professors of Arts and
Sciences, &c. the antient Anglo-Saxon tongue, with
PREFACE. VU
some variation of its sound and orthography, chiefly
prevails in the vulgar part of our present language ;
and it will appear in the Glossary subjoined to the
following dialogues, that most of the remarkable
words therein inserted, are of Saxon derivation,
and if they are not all retained in other counties,
such counties have many others derived from the
same fountain ; not to mention the variations of
the pronunciation in diSerent places. Hence every
county has its peculiar dialect, at least in respect
to the vulgar language of their rustics, insomuch
that those of difterent counties can't easily under-
stand each other. Among persons engaged in com-
merce indeed, or who have had a liberal education,
we may better distinguish their several counties by
their accent, than by any impropriety in their lan-
guage. But we are here speaking only of the
lower class of people in each county ; and that
these have in several parts of England a more un-
couth and barbarous jargon than the worst among
the Devonians, might be easily sliewn. Let it
suffice to give an instance in the following specimen
of the Lancashire Dialect, transcribed from a
Dialogue therein, which was published in 1746.
" M. Odds fish ! boh that wur breve — I wou'd
I'd bin eh yore kele.
" T. Whauwhau, boh theawst hear — Itwurdree
wey too-to ; heawe'er I geet there be suse o' clock,
on before eh opp'nt dur, I covert Nip with the
cleawt, ot eh droy meh nese weh, t'let him see heaw
I stoart her : — Then I opp'nt dur ; on v/hot te dule
dust think, boh three little bandyhewits coom
weaughing os if th' little ewals wou'd o worrit me,
on after that swallut me whick : Boh presently
there coom o fine wummon ; on I took her for a
hoc justice, hoor so meety fine : for I heard
Ruchotto' Jack's tell meh measter, that hoo justices
Vlll PREFACE.
awlus did th' raooast o'tli'vvark : Heawe'er, I axt
hur if Mr. Justice wur o whoam ; hoo cou'd naw
opp'n hur meawth t'sey eigh, or now; boh simpurt
on sed m, (the Dickkonsiss hur on him too) — Sed
I, I wudyid'n tell him I'd fene speyk to him."
The reader must be left to judge, on a compa-
rison of this with any part of the Exmoor lan-
guage, which of the two has the most barbarisms.
Perhaps he will want an interpreter to inform him,
that kele means place or circumstance, — that dree
wey denotes a long and tedious way, — that stoart
means valued, — that bandyhewits are Little dogs, —
that hoo stands for she, — and wudyid'n is wish you
would ; — and unless thus explained, may be apt to
think it little more intellio-ible than the Bucking;-
hamshire Farmer's speech, " I ken a stag gobblin
at our leer deer ;" which few besides his country-
men would guess to mean, " I see a gander feeding
at our barn-door." But to trouble our readers with
no further observations on this subject here, we
must refer them for other particulars to the Voca-
bulary and Notes, submitting the whole to their
candid censure.
Exeter, Nov. 1771.
From the great interest which is now taken in
the local dialects of England, and the frequent ap-
plications that have been made to the publisher
for copies of the Exmoor Scolding and Courtship,
he has been induced to put forth a new edition,
which he hopes will meet with general approba-
tion ; he begs to remark that the present edition
is a verbatim reprint of that of 1771, without any
attempt at additions, or alterations, more parti-
cularly after the great care which was bestowed
on it by the then publisher, Mr. Andrew Brice
of Exeter, whose etymological talents have been
universally acknowledged and esteemed.
London, Oct. 1838.
AN
EXMOOR SCOLDING.
Thomasin. Lock ! Wilmot, vor why vor ded'st
roily zo upon ma up to Cliallaconib Rowl ? — Ees
dedent thenk tha had'st a be' zich a labb o' tha
tongue. — What a vengeance ! wart betwatled, or
wart tha baggaged ; or had'st tha took a shord,
or a paddled ?
Wilmot. I roily upon tha, ya gurt, thonging,
banging, muxy Drawbreech? — Noa, 'twas thee
roil'st upon me up to Daraty Vogwill's upzitting,
whan tha vung'st to, (and be hang'd to tha !) to
Rabbin. — Shou'd zein tha wart zeck arter Me-at
and Me-al. — And zo tha merst, by ort es know,
way guttering; as gutter tha wutt whan tha
com'st to good tackling. — But some zed " Shoor
and shoor tha ded'st bet make wise, to zee nif tha
young Josy HeafF-field wou'd come to zlack thy
boddize, and whare a wou'd be O vore or no."
Bet 'twas thy old disyease, Chun.
Thomasin. Hey go ! What disyease dest me-an,
ya gurt dugged-teal'd, swapping, rousling Blowse ?
Ya gurt Roile, tell ma. Tell ma, a zey, what
disyease dest me-an? — Ad ! chell ream my heart,
to tha avore Ise let tha lipped. — Chell tack et out
wi' tha to the true Ben, fath ! Tell ma, a zey,
what disyease dest me-an that tha dest cham a
troubled wey ?
WiLMOT. Why ; ya purling, tatchy, stertling,
joweriiig, prinking, mincing theng, chell tell
tlia what disyease. Is dedn't me-an the Bone-
shave,* ner the Heartgun, ner the Allernbatch
that tha had'st in thy Niddiok. 'Tes better twar :
vor than Ount Annis Moreman coul'd ha' blessed
vore, and net ha' pomster'd about it, as moather
ded.
Thomasin. What disyease than, ya gurt hag-
gage ?
WiLMOT. Why, e'er zince tha wart twonty, ay
zewnteen and avore, tha hast a be' troubled wey
the Doul vetch tha.
Thomasin. What's me-an by that, ya long-han-
jed nieazle? Did'st hire ma? Tha call'st ma
stertling roil now-reert. — How dedst thee stertlee
upon the zess last barest wey the young Dick
Vrogwill, whan George Vuzz putch'd ? — He told
ma the whole fump o' th' besneze.
WiLMOT. O ! the very vengeance tear tha ! —
Dest thee tell me o' Dick Vrogwill? — Why thee
art in a ninniwatch e'ery other torn, nif zo be tha
dest bet zet zeert in Harry Vursdon.
* The hone-shave (a word perhaps nowhere used or under-
stood in Devonshire but in the neighbourhood of Exmoor)
means the sciatica ; and the Exmoorians, when afflicted
therewith, used the following charm to be freed from it : —
" The patient must lie on his back on the bank of a river or
brook of water, with a straight staiF by his side, between him
and the water, and must have the following words repeated
over him, viz. —
" Bone-shave right ;
" Bone-shave straight ;
" As the water runs by the stave,
" Good for bone-shave."
They are not to be persuaded but that this ridiculous form
of words seldom fails to give them a perfect cure.
Thomasin. How I ya gurt chonnting, grum-
bling, glumping, zower-zapped, yerring trash !
WiLMOT. Don't tell me o' glumping : oil the
neighbourhooden knowth thee to be a veaking,
blazing, tiltish hussey.
Thomasin, And thee art a crewnting, querk-
ing, yeavy, dugged-yess, chockling baggage.
WiLMOT. Net zo chockling, ner it zo crewnting,
as thee art, a colting hobby-horse ! — Nif tha
dest bet go down into the paddick, to stroak the
kee, thee wut come oil a gerred, and oil horry
zo vurs tha art a vorked ; ya gerred-teal'd, pank-
ing, hewstring mea-zel ! — Thee art lick a skittish
sture jest a yooked. Tha wouldst host any keend-
est theng, tha are so vore-reet, nif vauther dedn't
ha-ape tha.
Thomasin. Ay, ay ! Kester Moreman wou'd
ha be hove up, nif zo be a had a had tha ; a totel-
ing, wambling, zlottering, zart-and-vair yheat-
stool.
WiLMOT. Ay, and zo wou'd tha young George
Vuzz, munn, whan a had a had a rubbacrock,
rouzeabout, platvooted, zidlemovith'd swashbucket.
— Pitha dest thenk enny theng will e'er vittee
or gooddee wey zich a whatnozed, haggle-tooth'd,
stare-bason, timersome, rixy, wapper-e'ed theng
as thee art ?
Thomasin. Dest hire ma ? Oil the crime o' the
country goth, that wan tha liv'st up to tha cot,
tha wert the old Rager Hill's under bed-blonket.
And more 'an zo, that tha wert a chittcring, ra-
ving, racing, bozzom-chucked, rigging, lonching,
haerG-ao-infj moil.
WiLMOT. How ! ya confounded trapes ! Tell
me enny more o' Rager Hill's bed-blonket, ad !
cheel pull the poll o' tha ; chell plim tha, chell
vulch tha. Looks zee, — Rager Hill es as hones
a man as enny in Challacomb ; — no dispreise.
Thomasin. And do thee tell me o' stertling upon
the zess, whan George Vuzz puteh'd, chell gi'
tha a lick ;— chell lay tha over the years wey
the vire-tangs. Ad ! chell ting tha. Thy buz-
zom chucks were pretty vittee avore tha mad'st
thyzel therle, and thy vlesh oil wangery, and thy
skin oil vlagged, with nort bet agging, and veak-
ing, and tiltishness.
WiLMOT. Bed-blonket akether !* Ha ! zey zich
a word more chell cotton thy waistecoat. Chell
thong tha, chell gi' tha zich a strat in tha chups,t
ya grizzledeniundy.
Thomasin. Me a strat in the chups? Dest hire
ma? Come aneest me, chell pummel tha, chell
vag tha, chell lace tha.
WiLMOT. Thee lace ma ? Chem a laced well-
a-fine aready. — Zey wone word more, and chell
bresh tha, chell tan tha, chell make thy boddize
pilmee.
Thomasin. How a man a zed I make my bod-
dize pilmee ? Ad ! if e'er tha squeakest wone
word more o' tha bed-blonket, chell trim tha,
chell crown tha, chell vump tha.
WiLMOT. Why dedst thee, than, tell me o' the
zess, or it of the hay-pook, as tha dedst whileer?
— Chell drub tha, chell curry thy scabbed yess
var tha.
Thomasin. And why dest thee, than, tell me
'isterday o' losing my rewden hat in the rex-
* Akether ! means quoth he ! or quoth her !
t Chups or chucks, the cheeks.
bush, out a whorting ? And more and zo, that
the young Tom Vuzz shou'd le-ave he's cod-
glove ! — Ad 1 zey a word more o' the young
Tom Vuzz, chell baste tha, chell stram tha, chell
drash tha ;— chell make thy kepp hoppee, wi' thy
Vlanders lace upon't.
WiLMOT. Vlanders lace ! What's me-an by that,
lia-ah? Tell me enny more o' Vlanders lace,
chell make thy yead addle. Chell up wi' ma
veest, and gi' tha a whisterpoop, and zitch a
zwoop as shall make tha veel ma, looks zee !
Thomasin. Gi' me a zwop ? — Ad ! chell gi'
tha a wherret, or a zlat in the chups, — or up wi'
thy dugged coats, and tack tha gre-asy yess o*
tha.
WiLMOT. Thee tack ma, ya unlifty, ill-hearty,
untidy mea-zel ? — Andra wou'd ha' had a trub in
tha, nif vauther hadent a strat the match.
Thomasin. How dem ! a trub ? — Go, ye rear-
ing, snapping, tedious, cutted snibblenose ! — Th'
art olways a vustled up in an old jump, or a
whittle, or an old seggard, avore zitch times
as Neckle Halse cometh about : — Than tha wut
]>rinkee. — Thee hast a let the kee go zoo vor want
o' strocking. It a vore oil* th'art an abomina-
tion pinchvart vor thy own eends. Ay, ay !
Shoort, Wilmot, shoort ! — Zwer thy torn, or else
tha tedst net carry whome thy pad, and meet
Neckle Halse by tha way. He'll meet tha in the
Vuzzy-park coander by cockleert, or avore, chell
warndy.
Wilmot. Tell ma wone word more o' Neckle
Halse, chell skull tha, tha hassent a be' a skull'd
zo vor wone while. Ya gurt fustilugs ! The old
* It (or eet) a vore oil, means yet notwithstanding.
6
Mag Dawkins es bet a Huckmuek to tha. Zet
tha about ort, why, tha dest thengs vore-and-back,
a cat-ham m'd, a vore-reert, and vrarap-shapen,
like a totle.
Thomasin. How ! ya long-hanged trapes ! Ya
blow-monger baarge ! Thee wut coal-varty a-bed*
avore be voor days. Th'art so deeve as a haddick
in chongy weather. Or whan 'tes avrore or a
scratcht the le-ast theng out, or whan snewth, or
blunketh, or doveth, or in scatty weather, or in a
tingling vrost, than tha art theck-listed, and ba
hang'd to tha.
WiLMOT. And thee art a lams'd in wone o'thy
yearms, and cassent zee a sheen in thy reart ee.
Thomasin. Rex-bush !— Fath ! tell me o' tha
rex-bush, ye tee-heeing pixy ! — Es marl who's
more vor rigging, or rumping, steehopping or
ragrowtering, giggleting or gambowling than thee
art thyzel. — Pitha, dest'nt remember whan tha
com'st over tha clam wi' tha old Hugh Hosegood,
whan tha wawter was by stave, how tha vel'st in,
and the old Hugh drade thee out by tha vorked
eend, wi' thy dugged clathers up zo vur as thy
na'el, whan tha wart just a huddled ?
WiLMOT. Lock! dest dwallee, or tell doil? —
Pitha tell reaznable, or hold thy popping, ya gurt
washamouth.
* Coal-varty a-bed, to warm the bed with a Scotch warming
pan ; that is, with half a farthing.
SO ENDS THE FIRST BOUT.
AN
EXMOOR SCOLDING.
BOUT THE SECOND.
WiLMOT. Dist hire ma, dem ? Chell ha tether
vinny wi' tha. — Tha told'st ma now-reert, or a
whilere, of rigging and rumping, steehopping and
ragrowtering, giggletingandgaraboyling. What's
me-an by thate ? But thee, thee wiit ruckee, and
squattee, and doattee in the chimly coander lick
an ax waddle ; and wi' the zame tha wut rakee up,
and gookee, and tell doil, tell Dildrams and
Buckingham Jenkins. — Ay, ay, poor Andra Vurs-
don wud ha' had a rigmutton rumpstall in tha,
nif tad net ha' be' strat. A wud ha' had a coad,
riggelting, parbeaking, piping body in tha ; olwey
wone glam or nether. And more an zo, there's
no direct to hot tha tell'st. Tha wut feb et heartily.
Na, tha wut lee a rope up-reert.* Chad a most a
borst my guts wi' laughing, whan's zee'd tha whilere
trapesee hum from tha Yeoanna Lock, thy shoes
oil besh — , thy hozen muxy up zo vurs thy gam-
merels to tha very hucksheens o' tha, thy gore coat
oil a girred, thy head-clathing oil a foust ; thy
* To lie a rope upright contains a pun on the word He,
and means the telling such a lie as implies a contradiction in
itself ; or what is as impossible to be true as for a rope which
lies on the ground to stand upright at the same time.
8
waistcoat oil horry, and thy pancrock a kiver'd
wi' briss and buttons.
Thomasi>'. Why thare zo ! Bet dist net thee
thenk, ya long-hanged trapes, that tha young Josy
YeafF-field wudha' be' plasad, when hahad zitch a
crewdling theng as thee art ? Eart lunging, eart
squatting upon thy tether eend. Zey ort to tha,
why tha wut twitcli up thy teal, and drow up thy
noaze, and take owl o', or take pip o'. Nif won
zey the le-ast theng out, tha wut purtee a zennet
arter.
WiLMOT. How, hussey ! ya confounded trash !
Dist remember when tha wenst out in tha Vuzzey-
park, in tha desk o' tha yeaveling, just in the dim-
met, wi' tha young Humphry Hosegood,— and how
ha mullad and soulad about tha ? Ha bed tha zed
down ; — and tha zedst tha wudst net, nif ha dedent
blow tha down. Zo ha blow'd, and down tha valst.
Who shud be hard by (vor 'twas in tha dimmet)
bet tha Square's Bealy, — and vorewey ha cry'd
out tha "oil windvalls belongad to's' measter."
Wi' tha zame tha splettest away — down tha pen-
net— hilter skilter— as if tha dowi had ha' be' in
tha heels o' tha.
Thomasin. Oh the dowl splet tha ! who told
theckee strammer ?
WiLMOT. Why, 'twos thee thy own zel up to
stooling o' Terra's.
Thomasin. Oh ! a plague confound tha ! dest
tha thenk ees ded tell't to tha to ha' et a drode
vore agen ? Well, 'tes well a fine. — Es can drow
vore worse spalls than thet to thee : — Ad ! es cud
rep tha up.
WiLMOT. What, a dowl, and be hang'd to tha,
canst tha drow vore to me ?
9
Thomasin. How many times have es a hoard tha,
and a zeed tha, pound savin, to make metcens, and
ieekers, and caucheries, and zlotters. — Tes good
to know vor why vor.
WiLMOT. Oh ! a plague rat tha ! — Ya mulligrub
gurgin ! ya shug meazel ! — Th'art good vor nort
bet a gapes-nest. A gottering hawchamouth theng !
Whan tha com'st to good tackling, thee wut
poochee, and hawchee, and scrumpee ! tha wut
net look vor lathing, chell warndy ; and nif et be
loblolly, tha wut slop et oil up.
Thomasin. How a man a zed I How dedst thee
poochee and hawchee, and scrumpee, whan tha
young Zaunder Vursdon and thee stey'd up oil tha
neert a roasting o' taties ? pritch tha vor me ! —
Why, than tha wut be a prilled, or a rauggard, a
zennet outreert ; and more an zo, thee wut rowcast,
nif et be thy own vauther. Nif tha beest a zend
to vield wi tha drenking, or ort, to the voaken,
where they be shooling o' beat, handbeeating, or
angle-bowing,* nif tha com'st athert Rager Hose-
good, tha wut lackee an overwhile avore tha
com'st, and ma' be net trapesee hum avore the
desk o' tha yeavling, ya blowmaunger ba-arge !
Oil vor palching about to hire lees to vine-dra
voaks. Whan tha goast to tha melking u' tha
kee, in tha Vuzzy Park, thee wut come oil a
* Angle-boicing , a method of fencing the grounds wherein
sheep are kept, by fixing rods like bows with both ends in
the ground (or in a dead liedge) where they make angles
with each other, somewliat like the following figure :
B 2
10
(lugged, and thy shoes oil mux, and thy whittle oil
bash — . Tha wut let tha cream-chorn be oWUorry*
and let tha melk be buckard in buldering weather.
WiLMOT. Tell me o' Rager Hosegood,chell make
thy kep hoppee. — Ay, ay, es marl hot to tha ven-
gance the young Zaunder Vursdon wud ha had a
do wi' tha, nif ha had a had tha. Vor why ?
Tha hast no stroil ner docity, no vittiness in any
keendest theng. — Tha cortst tha natted yeo now-
reert, or bet leetle rather, laping o'er the Yoanna
Lock : ('chell tell vauther o'tzo zoon es ha comath
hum vrom angle-bowing, don't quesson't). Hot
ded tha yoe do, Avhan tha had'st a cort en by tha
heend legs o'en — (but vurst ha button'd ; — 'tes a
marl tad net a vailed into tha pancrock, as uzeth
to do) ; but thof a ded viggee, and potee, and
towsee, and turvee, and loustree, and spudlee, and
wriggled, and pawed, and wraxled, and twined,
and rattled, and teared, vig vig, vig vig, yeet
rather than tha wudst ha' enny more champ, and
holster, and tanbast wi' en, tha tokst en, and dest
wetherly host tha neck o'en.
Thomasin. And nif tha dest pick prates upon
me, and tell vauther o', chell tell a zweet rabble-
* Horry — for hoary, mouldy or Jinnew'd — Vide Shake-
speare's Romeo and Juliet ; where Mercutio puns upon
the words hare and hoar : —
Mercutio. So-ho !
Romeo. What hast thou found 1
Mer. No hare, Sir, unless a hare, Sir, in a lenten pie,
That is somewhat stale and hoar e'er it be spent. —
An old hare hoar, and an old hare hoar, is very good
meat in Lent;
But a hare that is hoar, is too much for a score,
When it hoars 'ere it be spent.
Horry also signifies Joul and filthy, (see the Vocabu-
lary), and perhaps this is its true meaning here.
11
rote upon thee, looks zee. Vor when tha shuclst
be about tha yeavling's chuers, tha wut spudlee out
the yewmors, and sereedle over mun : And more
and zo, tha wut roily eart upon wone, and eart
upon another, zet voaks to bate, lick a gurt baarge
as tha art : And than getfer Radger Sherwell he
must qualify't agen. When tha art zet agog, tha
desent caree who tha scullest : 'Twos olways thy
uze ; and chem agest tha wut zo vore tliy een.
Tha hast tha very daps o' thy old ount Sybly More-
man upazet.
WiLMOT. Why, ya gurt roil, chant zo bad's
thee. Thee wut ha' a hy to enny kessen soul.
Than tha wut chocklee, and bannee, and blazee,
and roundshave enny body that deth bet zey Ay to
tha. Tha wudst buy tha cot up to town rather
than thy live, but tha hassent tha wharewey ; and
tha wudst kiss tha yess of George Hosegood to
ha' en ; but tha hasent tha why for ay.
Thomasin. How ! ya gurt mulligrub gurgin ?
WiLMOT. And thee art a long-hanged blow-
monger baarge vor telling me o' Neckle Halse,
and tha Square's Bealy, and tha zess.
Thomasin. And thee art a convounded trash vor
telling me of an under bed-blonket, and o' pound-
ing savin, and making caucheries and slotters wi't.
Tha art a beagle, chun, pritch tha ! vor anether
trick. Chad et in my meend, and zo chave still.
Bet chawnt drow et out bevore tha begen'st agen,
and than chell.
WiLMOT. Heigo ! Mrs. Hi-go-shit ! A beagle ?
And hot art thee ? That wut drow, and hen, and
slat, — slat tha podgers, slat tha crock, slat tha keeve
and tha jibb, host tha cloam. Tha hast a most a
stinned e'ery earthly thing in tha houz. Absleutly
12
tha art bygaged. Ay, ay, Ont Magery was death
the near vor tha. Her raoort ha' vet et, nif zo be
tha hadst net let her totee up and down zo ort.
Thomasin. Why there low! Bygaged! And
hot dedst thee do bet jest now-reert? Tha henst
along thy torn, tha wiid'st ha' borst en to shivers
nif chad net a vung en, and pung'd en back agen.
Than tha wut snappy, and than tha wut canifflee.
and than tha wut bloggy.
WiLMOT. And hot art thee ? A brocking mun-
grel, a skulking mea-zel ! — And eet a vore oil*
good vor nort bet scollee, avore tha art a hoazed
that tha cast scarce yeppy. Petha, dest thenk enny
theng will goodee er vittee wi' enny zitch a trub es
thee art, — that dest net caree to zey thy praers ? —
bet — wut straminee, and fibbee, and blazee, and
bannee : And more an zo, wut coltee and riggee
wi' enny trolubber that camath athert tha. And
whan tha dest zey mun, 'tis bet whilst tha art
scrubbing, hewstring, and rittling abed. And,
nif by gurt hap tha dest zey mun at oil, thy marra-
bones shan't kneelee, — thof tha cast ruckee well a
fine. — 'Tes a marl if e'er tha comst to hewn only
to zey men ; zence tha ne'er zest men,chell warndy,
but whan tha art half azlape, half-dozy, or scrubb-
ing o' thy scabbed yess, whan tha art a coal-varting
abed,t ya gurt lollipot !- Tha hasn't tha sense to
stile thy own dressing. Vor why, et wel zet arter
tha, ether antlebeer lick tha dooms of a door, or
wotherway twel zet e-long or a weewow, or oil a
puckering. Tha zedst twos squelstring and whot
while'er. Ad I tha wut be mickled and asteeved
wi' tha cold vore 'T Andra's Tide, chun, nif tha
dessent buy tha a new whittle.
* See note in page 5. t See note In page 6.
13
Thomasin. Why, ya gurt kickhammer bag-
gage ! thee art good vor no sauce. Tha wut net
break the cantlebone o' thy tetlier eend wi' chuer-
ing, chell warndy ; tha wut net take et zo vreache,
ya sauntering troant !
WiLMOT. Heigo ! sauntering troant than!
Vor why vore dest tell wone, than, o' tha rex-bush,
and tha hey-pook, and tha zess ?
Thomasin. And why vore dest thee drow vore
zitch spalls to me? — Go pey tha score, vor tha
lecker tha hast a had zo ort in thy teening bottle.
— There's a rumple, chun !
WiLMOT. Nif tha young George Hosegood
had a had tha, he murt a hozed in a little time.
Ha wud zoon ha' be' condidled. — Yeet a-vore oil,
avore voak, tha wutlustree, and towzee, andchew-
ree, and bucklee, and tear, make wise, as any-
body passath ; but out o' zeert a spare totle in
enny keendest theng.
ThOiMAsin. Why, thare's odds betwe' sh — ng
and tearing won's yess. Wone mussent olweys be
a boostering, must a? But thee, — thee wut
steehoppee, and colty, and hobby, and riggy wi'
enny kesson zoul : oil for whistering and pistering,
and hoaling and halzening, or cuffing a tale.
WiLMOT. Ad ! tell me o' bobbing and rigging,
chel vlee to tha kep o' tha.
[Pulls her poll.
Thomasin. Oh! oh! — Mo-ather! mo-ather! —
murder ! — Oh ! mo-ather ! — Her hath a chuck'd
ma wi' tha chingstey. — Es verly bleive es shell
ne'er vet et. And nif s don't vet et, looks zee,
in a twelvemonth and a dey, cuzzen Kester Broom
shell zee tha a trest up a ground. — He shall zee
tha zwinged, fath !
14
Enter the old Julian Moreman.
Julian. Labbe, labbe, soze, labbe. Gi' o'er,
gi' o'er :* — Tamzen and thee be olweys wother eg-
ging or veaking, jawing or sneering, blazing or
racing, kerping or speaking cutted, chittering or
drowing vore o' spalls, purting or jowering, yer-
ring or chounting, taking owl o' wone theng or
pip o'tether, chockling or pooching, ripping up or
roundshaving wone tether, stivering or grizzling,
tacking or busking, a prill'd or a muggard, blog-
ging or glumping, rearing or snapping, vrom can-
dle-douting to candle-teening in tha yeavling, —
gurt hap else.
* Speaking to Wilmot, who had pulled Thomasin's cap.
SO ENDS THE SCOLDING.
AN
EXMOOR COURTSHIP;
OR A
SUITORING DISCOURSE,
IN THE
DEVONSHIRE DIALECT AND MODE,
NEAR
THE FOREST OF EXMOOR.
THE PERSONS.
Andrew Moreman, a young farmer.
Margery Vagwell, his sweetheart.
Old Graramer Nell, grammer to Margery.
Thomasin, sister to Margery.
AN
EXMOOR COURTSHIP.
SCENE — Margery's home.
To Margery enter Andrew.
Andrew. How goetli et, cozen Magery ?
Margery. Hoh ! cozen Anclra, how d'ye try ?
Andrew. Come, let's sliake honds, thof kiss-
ing be scarce.
Margery. Kissing's plenty enow ; bet chud
zo leefe kiss the back o' ma hond es e'er a man in
Challacomb, or yeet in Paracomb ; no dispreze.
Andrew. Es dont believe thate,* yeet es be-
lieve well too.
[Zwop ! he kisses and smuggles her.
* Thate is the proper word here, according to the Exmoor
Dialect ; though thek was in the former editions improperly
inserted instead thereof. 'Tis true the word thek, as well as
well as theckee or thecka, is (generally but not always) used
for that, when it is a pronoun demonstrative ; but never
when it is a pronoun relative, or a conjunction, in which
cases thet or thate is the word used. The Devonians how-
ever in their distinction between theck or theckee, and that,
do not altogether conform to that which our Saxon ancestors
made between thyllic or thylc (whence the Scotch
thilk), THYLLicE or THYLCE, Mc §• hcBC talis, and their
THAT or THAET, by whicli they commonly expressed id,
ilium, illud, istud, also hoc, istoc, &c. The Devonshire use
of these words may be exemplified by the following phrases:
" Hot's thet tha zest ? What a gurt lee es thate !
The man thet told tha thecka story, thof 'a murt zey theeze
18
Margery. Hemph ! — Oh I tha vary venge-
ance out o' tha ! — Tha hast a ereera'd ma yearms,
and a most a host ma neck. — Well, bet, vor all,
how dost try, es zey, cozen Andra ? Es hant a
zee'd ye a gurt while.
Andrew. Why, fath, cozen Magery, nort mar- .
chan table, e'er zince es scoast a tack or two wey
Rager Vrogwell tether day. — Bet zugs ! es trem'd
en and vagg'd en zo, that he'll veel et vor wone
while, chell warndy.
theng and thicky, whan a had a parwobble weth tha, to
make hes tale hang vittily together, cou'du't bleeve et 'es
own zell : shore and shore, theh man shou'd a' had the
whitstone."
This is the proper Exmoorian language, and in plain Eng-
lish runs thus :
" What's that thou sayest? What a great lye is that!
The man who told thee that story, though he might say this
and that thing when he held a parley (or conference) with
thee, the better to connect and embellish his tale, could not
believe it himself : verily and indeed that man should have
had the whetstone.''
And here it may be requisite to observe, that the whet-
stone is deemed a proper present for a notorious liar, or one
who has asserted the truth of an incredible story : but for
what reason 1 know not, unless it be by way of allusion to the
story of Attius Navius,f the celebrated augur ; who being
required by Tarquinius Priscus, when questioning the utility
of his art, to determine thereby whether his then concealed
design was feasible or not, performed the usual auguries on
that occasion, and answered him in the affirmative : and
then the king informing him that his design was to have such
a stone as he then produced to be cut in two with a razor
that had been whetted thereon, the augur is said to have
established his credit by cutting through the whetstone with
the razor, in the king's presence.
f This augur's name is spelt differently by different au-
thors : — By Cicero, de Divinatione, Lib. I. § 17. Attius Na-
vius : by Lactantius, de Origine Erroris, Lib. IL § 7. Accius
Navius : and so by Livy, Lib. I. Chap. 36. But in some
MSS. Ncevius. By Dionysius Halicar. Ant. Rom. Hist. Lib.
Navus. ' Xttioq 'SejSiog. Val, Maximus de Auspiciis, Atius
19
Margery. How, cozen Andra I Wliy es thorl
you coudent a vort zo.
Andrew. Why, 'twos oil about thee, raun ; —
vor es chan't hire an eel word o' tha.
Margery. How ! about me ! Why, why
vore about me, good zweet now ? Of a ground
ha can zey no harm by ma.
Andrew. Well, well, no mater. Es coudent
hire tha a run down, and a roilad upon zo, and
zet still lick a mumchance, and net pritch en vort.
Margery. Why, ^hot, and be hang'd to en,
cou'd a zev o' me, a surt meazel ?
Andrew. Es begit tha words now ; bet ha
roilad zo, that es coudent bear et. — Bet a dedent
lost hes labour, fath ; vor es toz'd en, es lamb'd
en, es lac'd en, es thong'd en, es drash'd en, es
drubb'd en, es tann'd en to the true ben, fath : —
Bet stap ! cham avore ma story. Zes I, " Thee,
thee art a pretty vella !" Zes he, "Gar! thee
cassent make a pretty vella o' ma." — " No, agar,"
zeys I, " vor th'art too ugly to be made a pretty
vella, that's true enow." Gar ! a was woundy
mad thoa.* — " Chell try thate," zeys he. — " As
zoon's tha wut," says I. — Zo up a roze, and to't
we went. — Vurst a geed ma a whisterpoop under
tha year, and vorewey a geed ma a vulch in tha
leer. — Ad I thoa es rakad up, and tuck en be tha
collar, and zo box'd en, and zlapp'd en, that es
made hes kep hoppy, and hes yead addle to en.
Margery. Well, es thenk ye, cozen Andra,
vor taking wone's peart zo. — Bet cham agest he'll
go vor a varrant vor ye, and take ye bevore tha
* Tho or thoa is used for then when spoken of time past ;
but than when referred to time future.
20
cunsabel ; and than ye mey be bound over, and
be vorst to g' in to Exter to zizes; and than a mey
zwear tha peace ofes, you know. — Es en et better
to drenk vriends and make et up.
Andrew. Go vor a varrant! Ad ! let en, let en
go ; chell net bender en ; vor there's Tom Vuzz
can take his cornoral oath that he begun vurst. —
And if he deth, chell ha' as good a varrant vor he,
as he can for me, dont quesson et ; vor the turney
into Moulton knoweth me, good now, and has had
zome zweet pounds oVauther bevore ha dy'd. And
if he's a meended to go to la, es can spend vorty or
vifty shillings as well's he. And zo let en go, and
whipe whot a zets upon o'Zendeys wey hes varrant.
Bet hansc en, let's ha nort more to zev about en ;
vor chave better bezeneze in bond a great deal.
\_He takes hold of her and paddles
in her neck and bosom,^
Margery, Come, be quiet; — be quiet, es zey,
a grabbling o' wone's tetties. — Es wont ha' ma tet-
ties o' grabbled zo ; ner es wont be mullad and
soulad. — Stand azide ; come, gi' o'er.
Andrew. Lock, lock ! How skittish we be now !
You werent zo skittish wey Kester Hosegood up to
Daraty Vuzz's up-zetting. — No, no, you werent zo
skittish thoa, ner zo squeamish nether. — He murt
mully and soully tell a wos weary.
Margery. Es believe the very Dowl's in voke
vor leeing.
Andrew. How ! zure and zure, you wont deny
et, wull ye, whan oil tha voaken took noteze o'et.
Margery. Why, cozen Andra, thes wos the
whole fump o' the beseneze. — Chaw'r in wey en
to daunce ; and whan the daunce was out, tha
21
croud cry'd, " Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak,"
(as a uzeth to do, you know) and a cort ma about
the neck, and woudent be a zed, bet a woud kiss
ma, in spite o' ma, do what es coud to hender en.
— Es coud borst tha croud in shivers, and tha
crouder too, a voul zlave as a wos, and hes vid-
dlestick into the bargain.
Andrew. Well, well, es b'ent angry, mun. —
And zo let's kiss and vriends. — [Kisses her.'] —
Well, bet, cozen Magery, oil thes while es hant
told tha ma arrant ; — and chave an over arrant to
tha, mun.
Margery. [^Simperinr/.'] Good zweet now, whot
arrant is et ? Es marl whot arrant ye can ha' to
me.
Andrew. Why, vath, chell tell tha. Whot zig-
nivies et ta mence tha mater ? Tes thes ; bolus
nohts- wut ha' ma ?
Margery. " Ha ma ?" Whot's thate ? Es cant
tell whot ya rae-an by thate.
Andrew. Why, than, chell tell tha vJat and plean.
Ya know es kep Challacomb Moor in bond ; tes
vull statad: but cham to chonge a live for three
yallow beels. And than there's tha lant up to
Parracomb town : and whan es be to Parracomb,
es must ha' wone that es can trest to look arter tha
gerred-teal'd meazels, and to zar tha ilt and tha
barra, and melk tha kee to Challacomb, and to look
arter tha thengs o' tha houze.
Margery. O varjuice ! Why, cozen Andra, a
good steddy zarrant can do oil thes.
Andrew. Po, po, po ! chell trest no zarrants. —
And more an zo, than they'll zey by me, as they
ded by GafFer Hill tether day :— " They made two
22
beds, and ded g' in to wone." No, no, es bant
zo mad nether. — Well, bet, look, dest zee, cozen
Magery : zo vur vore es tha wut ha' ma, chell put
thy live 'pon Parracomb Down. Tes wor twonty
nobles a year and a puss to put min in.
Margery. O vile ! whot, marry? — No chant
ha' tha best man in Challacomb, nor yeet in Par-
racomb. Na, chell ne'er marry, vor ort's know.
No, no ; they zey thare be more a marry'd already
than can boil tha crock o' Zendeys. — No, no,
cozen Andra ; es coud amorst zwear chudent ha'
tha' best Square in oil Tngland. — Bet, come; prey,
cozen Andra, zet down a lit. Es must g' up in
chember, and speak a word or two wey Zester
Tamzin. Hare's darning up of old blonkets, and
rearting tha peels, aud snapping o' vleas. — Es ell
come agen prezently.
Andrew. Well, do than ; bet make haste, d'ye
zee. — Me-an time, chell read o'er the new ballet
cheve in ma pocket.
Margery. New ballet ! O good now, let's hire
ye zing et up.
Andrew. Zing ! — No, no ; tes no zinging ballet,
mun ; bet tes a godly one good now.
Margery. Why, whot's 't about, than ?
Andreav. Why, tes about a boy that kill'd hes
vauther ; and how hes vauther went agen, in
shape of a gurt voul theng, wey a cloven voot,
and vlashes o' vire, and troubled the houze zo,
that tha Whatjecomb, tha Whit-Witch, wos vorst
to lay en in the Red-Zea ; aud how the boy re-
pented, and went distracted, and wos taken up,
and vos hang'd vor't, and zung sauras, and zed
his praers. 'Twull do your heart good to hire et,
and make ye cry lick enny theng. — There's tha
23
picture o'en too, and tba parson, andtha dowl, and
the ghost, and the gallows.
Margery. Bet es et true, be zure.
Andrew. True? O la I Yes, yes; es olways
look to thate. Look, zee, tes here in prent —
*" Lissen'd according to order." — That's olweys
prented on whot's true, mun. — Es took care to zee
thate whan es bort en.
Margery. Well, well, read et ; and chell g'up
to Zester.
SCENE— THE CHAxMBER.
To Thomasin enter Margerij.
Margery. Oh ! zester Tamzen ! Odd ! ee es
a come along, and vath and trath hath a put vore
tha quesson to ma a'ready. — Es verly beleive tha
banes avuII g' in next Zindey — Tes oil es ho'* vor. —
Bet es tell en, Marry a-ketha ! and tell en down-
reert es chant marry tha best man in Sherwill
Hunderd. — Bet dest'tha hire ma, zester Tamzen ;
dont ye be a labb o' tha tongue in what cham a
going to zey, and than chell tell tha zometheng. —
The banes, cham amorst zure, wull gi' in ether a
Zindey or a Zindey-zenneert to vurdest. Es net
aboo two and twonty ; — a spicy vella and a vitty
vella vor enny keendest theng. — Thee know'st Jo
Hosegood es reckon'd a vitty vella : Poo ! Es a
zootei-ly vella to Andra ; there no compare.
Thomasin. Go, ya Avicked cunterveit ! why dest
" So country people used to read licensed, &c.
t Ho' is here an abbreviation of Hope.
24
lee zo agenst thy meend ; and wlian ha put vore
tha quesson tell en tha wudsent marry? — Bezides,
zo vur as tha know'st, ha niurt take pip o', and
meach off, and come no more anearst tha.
Margery. Go, ya alldtotle I ya gurt voolesh
trapes ! Dest thee thenk a beleev'd ma, whan es
zed chudent marry ? Ee es net zo zart-a-baked
nether. Vor Avliy ? Es wudent be too vurward
nether ; vor than ee murt draback. — No, no ; vor
oil whot's zed, es hope tha banes wull go in,es zey,
next Zindey. — And vath, nif's do vail over the
desk, tAvont tliir ma, ner yeet borst ma bones. —
But nif they dont g' in by Zindey-zenneert, chell
tell tha, in short company, es chell borst my heart.
Bet es must go down to en ; vor he's by ees zel oil
theez while.
SCENE— THE GROUND-ROOM AGAIN.
To Andrew enter Margery .
Andrew. Well, cozen Magery, cham glad
you're come agen : vor thes ballet es zo very good,
that et makes wone's heart troubled to read et.
Margery. Why, put et up than, while es git a
putcher o' cyder. Wull ye eat a croust o' brid and
chezee, cozen Andra ?
Andrew. No, es thankee, cozen Magery; vor
es eat a crub as es come along ; bezides es went to
dinner jest avore. — Well, bet, cozen Magery, whot
onser dest gi' ma to tha quesson es put vore now-
reert.
Margery. What quesson was et ?
25
Andrew. Why, zure, ya bant zo voi-getvul.
Why, tha quesson es put a little rather.
Margery. Es dont know what quesson ye
meean ; es begit whot quession twos.
Andrew. Why, to tell tha vlat and plane agen,
twos thes : " Wut ha' ma, ay or no."
Margery. Whot ! marry to earteen ? — Es gee
tha zame onser as geed avore, Es wudent marry
the best man in oil Ingland. Es cud amorst zwear
chud ne'er marry at oil. — And more and zo, cozen
Andra, cham a told yakeep company wey Tamzen
Hosegood, thek gurt banging, thonging, muxy
drawbreech ; a daggle-teal'd jade ; a zower-zop'd,
yerring, chockling trash, a buzzom-chuck'd hag-
gaging moyle, a gurt fustilug. Hare's a trub !
And nif ya keep hare company, es'll ha no more
to zey to tha.
Andrew. Ay, thes es Jo Hosegood's flim-flam.
Oh, tha very vengance out o'en !
Margery. No, no ; tes none of Jo Hosegood's
flim-flam ; bet zo tha crime o' tha country goth.
Andrew. Ah, bet twos Jo Hosegood's zetting
vore in tha vurst place. Ha wull lee a rope up-
reert. — Whan ha hath a took a shord, and a pad-
dled, ha wull tell doil, tell dildrams, and roily
upon enny kesson zoul. — Ad ! nif es come athert
en, chell gee en a lick ; — chell ly en o'er tha years ;
chell plim en, chell toze en, chell cotten en, chell
thong en, chell tann en ; — chell gee en a strat in
the chups ; — chell vag en, chell trem en, chell
drash en, chell curry hes coat vor en ; — chell drub
en, chell make heskep hoppy. — Ad ! chell gee en
zutch a zwop ! — chell gee en a whappet, and a
26
wherret, and a whister-poop too : — Ad ! chell baste
en to tlia true ben.
{^Speaks in a great passion, and shews with his
hands how he'll bsat his adversary.']
Margery. Lock, lock, lock! cozen Andra !
Vor why vore be ye in zitch a vustin vume? —
Why, es dont zey twos Jo Hosegood zed zo, bet
only zo tha crime o' the country goth.
Andrew. Well, Avell, cozen Magery, be't how
twull. whot caree I ? — And zo, good-buy, good-
buy t'ye, cozen Magery. — Nif voaken be jealous
avore they be married, zo they mey arter. — Zo
good-buy, cozen Magery. Chell net trouble ye
agen vor wone while, chell warndy.
\_Going.~\
Margery. {Calling after him.) Bet hearky,
hearky a bit, cozen Andra ! Es wudent ha ye go
away angry nether. Zure and zure you wont deny
to see me drenk ? — Why ya hant a tasted our cyder
yet. (Andrew returns.) Come, cozen Andra,
here's t'ye.
Andrew. Na, vor that matter, es owe no ill-
will to enny kesson, net I. — Bet es wont drenk,
nether, except ya vurst kiss and vriends.
[Kisses her.]
Margery. Ya wont be a zed. — (He drinks.) —
Well, bet hearky, cozen Andra; wont ye g' up
and zee grammer avore ye g' up to Challacomb ?
Tes bet jest over tha paddick, and along tha park.
Andrew. Es carent much nif 's do go zee old Ont
Nell. — And how do hare tare along?
Margery. Rub along, d'ye zey ? — Oh ! gram-
mer's wor vower hunderd pounds, reckon tha
goods indoor and out a door.
27
Andrew. Cham glad to hire et ; vor es olweys
thort her to ha be bare buckle and thongs.
Margery. Oh ! no, nrnn ; hare's mearty well
to pass, and maketh gurt account o' me, good now.
Andrew. Cham glad to hire o' thet too. Mey
be hare mey gee tha a good stub. — Come, let's
g' ender than.
\^Takes her arm under his,
and leads her.
SCENE— OLD GRAMMER NELL'S.
To her enter Andrew and Margery.
Andrew. Good den, good den, ont Nell. —
Well, how d'ye try? How goth et wey ye.
Old Nell. Why, vath, cozen Andra, pritty
vitty, whot's chur. Chad a glam or two about ma.
Chad a crick in ma back and in ma niddick.
Thoa chur a lumps'd in wone o' ma yearms. Tho
come to a heartgun. Vorevvey struck out and
come to a barngun. Tho come to an allernbatch ;
and vorewey fell in upon ma bones, and come to a
boneshave. — Bet e'er zenz the old Jillian Vrinkle
blessed vore tes pritty vitty ; and cham come to
my meat-list agen. — Well, bet hearky, cozen
Andra : es hire ya lick a lit about ma cozen
Magery ; ay, and have smelled about her a pritty
while. Chawr a told that ye simmered upon wone
tether up to Grace Vrogwill's bed ale. Well,
cozen Andra, twuU do vary vrell vor both. No
matter how zoon. Cham oil vore, and zo chawr
zo zoon's es hir'd o'et. Hare's net as zome giglets,
zome prenking mencing thengs be, oil vor gamboy-
28
ling, rumping, steehopping, and giggleting ; bet a
tyrant maid vor work, and tha stewarliest and
vittiest wanch thatcomath on tha stones o' Moulton,
no dispreise.
Margery. {Softly aside to her.) Thenk ye,
grammer, thenkee keendly. And nif es shudent
ha en shoud'd borst ma heart. — (^Jloud.) Good
grammer, dont tell me of marrying. Chave a
told cozen Andra ma meend aready, thet chell
ne'er marry vor ort es know.
Old Nell. Stap hether, cozen Magery, a lit and
turn these cheesen. — (^Pretendedly private to her.)
Go, ya alkitotle, why dedst tell zo, tha wert ne'er
marry ? Tha wutten ha tha leek ; a comely sprey
vitty vella vor enny keendest theng. Come, nif
tha wut ha en, chell gee tha good stub. Thare's
net a spreyer vella in Challacorab.
Margery. Bet, grammer, wull ye be zo good's
ya zey, nif zo be, vor your zake, es vorce ma zel
to let en lick a bit about ma ?
Old Nell. Ay, es tell tha — {aside.) — Cham
agest hare'll dra en into a promish wone dey or
wother.
Andrew. Well, ont Nell, es hired whot ya
zed, and es thank ya too. — Bet now chave a
zeed ye, tes zo good as chad a eat ye, as they uze
to zey. Es must go home now as vast as es can.
— Cozen Magery, wont ye go wey ma a lit way.
Margery. Mey be es mey go up and zee ont
Moreman, and mey be es mant.
[_Exeunt.
29
SCENE— THE OPEN COUNTRY.
Enter Andrew followed by Margery.
Margery. Ad ! es'Il zee en up to Challacomb
Moor stile. — Now must es make wise chawr a
going to ont Moreman's, and only come theez
wey. \^Aside.
Andrew. (Spying her.) Cozen Magery, cozen
Magery ! stap a lit, Whare zo vast mun ? —
(She stays.) — Zo, now es zee ya be as good as
yer word ; na, and better ; vor tha zedst " may be
chell, and mey be chont."
Margery. Ob, ya take tha words tether way.
Es zed " mey be chell, and mey be chont, go up and
zee ont Moreraan." Es zed no more an zo. Es go
thes way vor to zee hare that es oil. Bet chu-
dent go zo vur to meet enny man in Challacomb,
ner Parracomb, ner yeet in oil King George's
kingdom, bless hes worship ! Meet tha men aketha !
— Hah ! be quiet, es zey, a creeming a body zo.
And more an zo, yer beard precketh ill-vavourdly.
Es marl what these gurt black beards be good vor,
Ya ha made ma chucks buzzom.
A^DREW. Well, whot's zey, cozen Magery ?
Chell put in tha banes a Zendey, bolus nolus.
Margery. Then es ell vorbed min, vath.
Andrew. Oh I chell trest tha vor thate. Es
dont thenk you'll take zo much stomach to yer
zel as to vorbed min avore zo menny vokes. —
Well, cozen Magery, good neart.
Margrry. Cozen Andra, good neart. — Es
wish ye well to do.
30
SCENE— MARGERY'S HOME.
To Thomasin enter Margery.
Margery. Zester Tamzen, whare art ? Whare
Art, a popeling and a pulching? Dost hire ma?
Thomasin. Lock, lock, lock ! Whot's the mat-
ter, Magery, that tha leapest, and caperest, and
zing'st zo ? What art tha hanteck ?
Margery. That's nort to nobody. Chell whist-
ley, and capery, and zing, vor oil thee. — Bet yeet
avor oil, nif tha wuttent be a lobb of tha tongue
now, chell tell tha zometheng. — Zart 1 whistery ! —
Ma banes g' in a Zendey, vath, to Andra, the spicest
vella in Sherwill Hunderd.
Thomasin. OLa! why thare lo I Now we shall
be marry'd near together ; vor mine be in and out
agen ; — thof my man don't yeet tell ma tha dey.
Es marl ha dont pointee whot's in tha meend
o'en.
Margery. Chell g* in to Moulton tomarra
pritty taply, to buy zome canvest vor a new
chonge.
Thomasin. Ay, ay ; zo do ; vor tha cassent teli
vvhat may happen to tha in thy middle banes.
Margery. How I ya gurt trapes ! — Whot dest
me-an by thate ? Es scorn tha words. Ded ort
hap to thee in thy middle banes ? Happen aketha!
Thomasin. Hah ! Ort happen to me in my
middle banes ? Es scorn et to tha dert o' ma
shoes, looks zee, ya raencing, kerping baggage. —
Varewell.
the end.
VOCABULARY.
VOCABULARY OR GLOSSARY,
EXPLAINING THE MOST DIFFICULT WORDS IN
THE FOREGOING DIALOGUES.
Note. — The English Saxon words occasionally referred to in
this Vocabulary, and in the foregoing notes, are, for want of
proper types, printed in the old lEngllSf) character ;
preserving the proper powers of the letters which differ
from it in form, and using tj instead of the Saxon Theta.
A GEST, aghest, or agast, afraid, terrified ; and
sometimes used to express such great terror, as if a
ghost had appeared : the word being derived from the
English Saxon gast, spiritus.
Agging, murmuring, provoking, egging on, or raising
quarrels.
Alkitotle, a silly elf, or foolish oaf. [Perhaps, a fool-
ish creature troubled with fits or epilepsies to which
the elk (in Latin alee,) is said to be subject. Q.]
Allernbatch, an old sore : from the Angl. Sax. ailJor
and F, G. Bosse, a botch. — [or perhaps from A. S.
JElaw, aeeendere. Botch \it supra.; and then it may
signify a carbuncle or burning boil.]
A-long, as spelt in some former editions, but should be
E-long, means slanting.
c2
34
Atiffle-bowing, a kind of fencing against sheep : see the
note thereon, page 9.
Antle-beer, cross-wise, irregular.
A-priird, soured, or beginning to turn sour, when ap-
plied to milk, beer, &,c. — [sometimes, to be prickt or
gored, so as to be made to fret and fume. Vide Skin-
ner.J
Apurt, sullen ; — disdainfully silent, with a glouting
look ; — in a sour dogged disposition.
Avroar or Avraur, frozen, frosty.
An Axivaddle or Axwaddler (from the Devonshire
word axen for ashes,) an ash-padder or pedlar ; one
that collects and deals in ashes : sometimes one that
tumbles in them. — (Hence an axen-cat) — [" and
sometimes one that paddles and draws lines in them
with a stick or poker."]
B.
Ba-arge, (from the Saxon ISravgc, majalis, a barrow
pig,) generally used in Devonshire to signify a fat
heavy person, one that is unweildy as a fattened
hog.
Bugyaged or By-gaged, behagged, i. e. hag ridden or
bewitched.
Banging, large, great.
Bitrngun, some fiery pimples breaking out upon the
skin. — [Or perhaps a burning sore of the erysipelas
kind, vulgarly called St. Anthony's Fire ; but this is
what the Devonians call ill-thing.^
Barra or Barrow, a gelt pig.
Beat or Peat, turf burnt for the improvement of cold
land, commonly called burn-beating, and in some
counties Denshiring, because frequently used in some
parts of Devonshire.
Bed-ale, groaning ale, that which is brewed for a gos-
sipping or christening feast.
To the true ben or bend, to the utmost stretch, when
applied to the bow; — soundly and to the purpose, so
as to make it flexible, when applied to one sort of
leather, — but stiff and almost inflexible by being well
tanned and beaten, when applied to another: —
whence the ben-sole.
35
Betwattled, seized with a fit of tattling, or betotled and
turned fool.
Blazing, spreading abroad news, or blazoning and pro-
claiming the faults of others. [Belg. ®or=bIaesrn, to
blow in one's ear, meaning to whisper.]
To Blenky or hlenk, to snow but sparingly, resembling
the bliyiks or ashes, that sometimes fly out of a chim-
ney, and fall around the place.
To Bless vore (i. e. to bless for it, with a view to cure
it,) to use charms or spells to cure di'^orders. —
" She should have needed no more spell." — Vide
Spenser's Calendar, ^gl. 3d.
Slogging, looking sullen. — Vide supra, Apiirt.
Blowniaunger (iperhapa from the French Blanc-manger,
White meat, a kind of flummery, used by the Ex-
moorians, &c. to denote a fat blow-cheeked person,
as if blown up with fat by full-feeding and junket-
ing, — [or perhaps it may be also applied to one who
putFs and blows while he is eating.]
Bloivmaunger baarge, vide supra, under the word
Baarge.
Bone-shave, the Sciatica. Note to page 2.
Boostering, labouring busily, so as to sweat.
Bozzom, or Buzzom-chuck'd, the having a deep dark
redness in the cheeks.
Briss dust, — Briss and Buttons, dust and sheep's
buttons, or sheep's dung. See Buttons.
A Bracking mungrel, a mongrel jade that is apt to
throw her rider. — From the Saxon ISroc, caballus,
equus vilior.
Buckard, or bucked, when spoken of milk, soured by
keeping too long in the milk-bucket, or by being kept
in a foul bucket: when spoken of other things, hircum
olens, having a rankish taste and smell.
To Buckle, or buckle to, to gird up the loins ; to be
diligent and active.
Buddled, drowned, suff"ocated.
Buldering weather, hot and sultry ; perhaps from boil-
ing or broiling heat.
Busking, running up against one-another's busk byway
of provocation. Q?
Buttons, besides the commonly known meaning of the
36
word, is sometimes used to express sheep's dunff, and
other buttons of that kind : as also the hurs on the
herb burdock, but these in Devonshire are called
Cuckold-buttons, in some other places, Beggars-
buttons.
Buzzom, and Buzzom chuck'd. See Bozzom.
Candle-teening , candle-lighting. — To teen and dout the
candle, means to put in and put out the candle.
To Caniffle, or Canifflee, to dissemble and flatter.
Cat-kaind, ungainly, fnmbliug, without any dexterity.
Caucheries, perhaps for potential cauteries caustics, or
burning medicines ; but in Devonshire means any
slops or medicinal compositions without distinction.
Champe, a scuffle.
'Chave, i. e. Ich have, I have. And so 'ch for Ich (Sax.
Jlr, Germ. Jlrf). Ego) is prefixed to many other words ;
as in page 29th, " mey be chelt and mey be chon't,"
i. e. It maybe I shall, and it may be I won't, or will
not.
A Chaunge, or Chonge, a shirt or shift; because it
should be often changed.
Chockling, the cackling of a hen when disturbed ; and
when spoken of a man or woman, means hectoring
and scolding.
Chounting, i?ianimg, scornfully reviling, or jeering. —
This is not derived from chanting, nor has any rela-
tion thereto, unless meant in a harsh disagreeable tone.
Chuer, in other counties, a Chare, a job of work ; ge-
nerally applied to the work of a person who assists on
all occasions, and in different kinds of work. Hence a
Chare-woman or Chewrer, who helps the servants in
a family.
To Chuery, or Cheivree, to assist the servants, and sup-
ply their places occasionally, in the most servile work
of the house.
Clathing, clothing. — Clathers, clothes.
Chun, quean or woman, Q? But a Quean formerly
meant a whore, and generally now denotes a bad sort
of a woman.
37
Clam, a stick laid over a brook or stream of water to
clamber over, supplying the want of a bridge.
dome, (perhaps from loam,) earthen ware.
Cockleert, (i. e. Cock-light) Diluculum, the dawn, when
the cock crows : — in the evening, Crepusculum.
Coad, unhealthy, consumptive, or cored like a rotten
sheep.
Cod-Glove, a furze-glove without fingers.
To Coltee, to act the hobby-horse, to be as playful as
a young colt.
To Condiddle, to waste, disperse, or convey away
secretly or imperceptibly.
Condiddled, insensibly wasted away. — Spoken of goods
or substance clandestinely and gradually spent and
consumed.
To Creem, to squeeze, and as it were to cramp.
Crewdling, a cold, dull, unactive and sickly person,
whose blood seems to be as it were curdled.
Crewnting, or Cruning, groaning like a grunting horse.
Tlie Crime of the country, the whole cry, or common
report of the neighbourhood.
Crock, (Sax. CCrocca) always means a pottage-pot, when
not distinguished by any adjunct; but besides this
porridge crock (as 'tis sometimes called) there is the
butter-crock, by which the Devonians mean an earthen
vessel or jar to pot butter in ; and the pan-crock,
which see in its place.
A Croud, a fiddle.
A Crub, a crumb of dry bread, with or without
cheese.
To Cuff ?L tale, to exchange stories, as if contending
for the mastery ; or to canvas a story between one
and another.
Tov datra/iEifSofjievog
Tov S>][ieil3eT' tntira — Homer.
D.
The very Daps of a person, — the aptes, aptitudes or
attitudes : the exact likeness of another, in all his
gestures and motions.
To Dere, to hurry, frighten, or astonish a child. — See
Tkir.
42£i897
38
Detn ! you slut.
Good De?i, good e'en, good even, — an afternoon salu-
tation. — Vide Shakspeare's Romeo and Juliet;
" Mercutio. God ye good e'en, fair gentlewoman !
" Nurse. Is it good e'en ?
" Mercutio. 'Tis no less I tell you, &c."
To tell Dildrams and BuckingJiam-Jenkins, to talk
strangely and out of the way. — The latter seems to
be an allusion to some old incredible story or ballad
concerning one Jenkins of Buckingliam. Q. Whe-
ther that Jenkins, who is said to have lived to the
age of 167 years, was a Buckinghamshire man? or
what other person of that name may be here all uded to ?
The Dimmet, the dusk of the evening.
No Direct, no plain downright truth, and consequently
no trust to be given.
To Doattee, to nod the head when sleep comes on,
whilst one is sitting up.
To tell Doil, to tell like a sick man when delirious.
The Dorns, the door-posts.
It Doveth, it thaws.
The Dowl or Doeul, the devil.
A muxy Draw-breech, a lazy filthy jade, that hangs an
a — se as if overladen by the dirt at her tail.
Dugged, Dugyed-teaVd, and Daggle-teaVd, wet, and
with the tail of the garment dragged along in the dirt.
To Dwallee or Dtvaule, to talk incoherently, or like a
person in a delirium.
E
Eart one, eart t'other, — now one, then the other.
Egging, spurring on, or provoking.
E-long, slanting.
Elt. See lit.
Es, that is Ise (the Scotch of the pronoun ego) which,
as well as ich, is sometimes used in Devon for I. — ,
(See Chave) — Es or Ez is also sometimes used for it.
F.
Foust or a-foust, dirty and soiled ; but this word is not
39
used in Devonshire to express mouldiness, as in some
other counties.
Fulch or Vulch, a pushing stroke with the fist, directed
upward; — fr om /"ulcio, fulcire, to prop up or sup-
port.
Full stated, spoken of a leasehold estate that has three
lives subsisting thereon : that is, when it is held for
a term, which will not determine till the death of the
survivor of three persons still living.
The whole Fump of the business, — for Frump, (Sanna)
— the whole of the jest ; or all the circumstances of a
story, and the means by which it came to such an
issue.
Fustij-lugs, — spoken of a big-boned person, — a great
foul creature.
G.
The Gainmerells, the lower hams, or the small of the
leg.
A Gapesnest or Gapesness, a wonderment, a strange
sight. — " Fit only for a gapesness," i. e. fit only to
be stared at, as some strange uncommon creature.
Geoweriny or Jotoeriny, brawling or quarrelling ; ex-
panding the jaws in noisy squabbles.
Gerred or Girred, for Gorred ; dirty or bedaubed ;
from Ang. Sax. <Sorr, lutum, stercus.
Gerred-teaVd meazles, filthy swine ; because frequently
scrophulous, or, in many places, spotted.
Glam, a wound or sore, a cut or bruise, botch or swel-
ling, &c. an accidental hurt. [Possibly from the
Saxon gclanip, acdidit.]
Glumpinff, looking sullen ; dark and lowering, gloomy
or glum.
To Gookee, to have an awkward nodding of the head,
or bending of the body backward and forward.
A Gore-coat, a gown or petticoat gored, or so cut as to
be broad at the bottom, and narrower at the upper
part ; such as may be seen in some ancient pictures,
particularly of Queen Elizabeth. — Vide Ball's edition
of Spenser's Calendar, ^gl. 4.
To Grabble, for grapple.
40
To Grizzle, to grin, or smile with a sort of sneer.
A Grizzle-(le-mundy, a foolish creature that grins or
laughs at every trifling incident.
Gurt, great.
Guttering, guttling and devouring, eating greedily.
H.
Ha-ape, stop, or keep back. To ha-ape, is generally
applied by ploughmen, to the forcing the oxen back-
ward, to recover the proper direction of the furrow,
which is termed haaping them back ; and the word of
command to the bullocks in this case is Haape ! Haape
backl — P. 3. — " Nit vauther dedn't haape tha ;"
i. e. if father did not stop, restrain, and force thee to
a contrary course.
Hagyage, an awkward slovenly hag, or slattern.
Haggle-tooth' d, snaggle-tooth'd.
Halzening, predicting the worst that can happen. — [A
Sax. I^alfian, augurari.^
Hange or hanje, the purtenance of any creature, joined
by the gullet to the head, and hanging all together,
viz. the lights, heart, and liver.
Hanteck, antic or frantick.
Hare, — her ; by the Exmoorians used for she. — By the
Cornish (on the contrary) and also by some few
Devonians, she is also used instead of her, viz. in the
accusative as well as nominative case.
To Hawchee, to feed foully.
Hawchcmouth' d, one that talks indecently, — or rather
makes no distinction between decent and indecent
language, but mouthes out what comes uppermost ;
' and whose discourse therefore is a mere hotch-potch.
To Henn, to take and throw. (Vid. Spenser's Calend.
^gl. 3. " The pumie stones 1 hastily hent and
threw.") But this word is seldom used in Devon,
though frequently in Cornwall.
Hewstring, houstring, coughing or wheezing.
Heart-gun, {Cardialgia — Tabum quoddam Cordis.) Some
great sickness in the stomach, or pain about the heart,
rather worse than the common heart-burn.
Hire, used for hear.
I
41
To Hohhy, to play the hobby-horse, to be at romps with
the men.
Horry, foul and filthy ; (Sax.fjorig, sordidiis, mucidus.)
Hoazed, hoarse. — See hozed below.
To Holster, to hustle and bustle.
To be Hove up, means the same as
Hozedovhawzed, finely ofi" ! — Ironically spoken. — [Per-
haps finely housed, or in a fine hovel ; for the word
hobble, (probably from hovel,) is used by the Devo-
nians ironically in much the same sense ; as, such
a one is in a fine hobble ! meaning, in some great
difficulty.]
A Huchmuck, a short thick-shouldered person; or
rather meant for a person with short legs, one whose
hocks are immersed in, or bespatterred by, the muck
or dirt ; — or perhaps an unshapely creature like a
brewer's huckmuck, i. e. a sort of wicker strainer
used to prevent the grains and muck from running
out with the wort.
The Hucksheens, the legs up to the hams, or hocks.
To have a Hy to every body, — to call after, to have
somewhat to say to ; — Heus ! Heigh sir ! You sir !
I. J.
The Jibb, a stiller to fix a barrel of liquor upon.
The lit, the spayed female pigs.
Jowering, see Geowriny.
K.
The Kee, the kine, or cows.
Any Keendest thing, any kind of thing; all sorts of
things; ever so much.
Keeve or kieve, a mashing tub.
A Kep, a cap.
Kerping, carping.
Kesson, Christian.
A Kickhaminer , a stammerer,
L.
k. Labh, a blab.
To Lace, &.c. — See below in tlie note under this letter.
42
To Lackee, to loyter, or be long lacking or wanting from
home.
Lamps'd, lamed or disabled by a wound or otherwise.
Laping or heaping, leaping.
Lathing, invitation. — Sax. Hatfian invitare.
The Leer, the leer-ribs, — "He gave him a fuloh under
the leer," i. e. in the hollow under the ribs. See
Fulch.
Lipped, to be let pass ; to be loose and free ; and
sometimes the breaking out of the stitches in needle
work, or the like.
Z,o6/o//^, (so called, perhaps, (/Mflii Lubberlolly, as being
the broth of the country lubbers ; or rather laplolly,
because it may be lapp'd up and eaten without a spoon)
an odd mixture of the worst kind of spoon meat.
The word is also sometimes used for tliick beer.
Lock! What! Heydey ! Alack!
Lonching, quasi launching, or making long strides.
Lounging or lundging, leaning on any thing, such as a
gate or stile, like a lazy creature that hath nothing
else to do.
To Lustree or lewstery, to bustle and stir about like a
lusty wench.
Note. — To lace, to lam, to licit, to linse, to liquor ; as like-
wise to baste, to cotton, to carry, to drub, to drum, to
fag, to tan, to thong, to thresh, to toze, to trim, cum
multis aiiis. — are metapliorically used to signify, — To
give a sound beating, and want little of no explication :
It was therefore thought needless to insert them under
their several initials, but only to hint thus much concern-
ing them.
M.
Marl, a marvel or wonder.
Meazles, sows, or swine.
Mickled with the cold, shrunk up and benumbed ; the
same with steevd, which means also stiffened and be-
numb'd, from the Saxon stifiait, obtorpere.
Min or mun, for them ; as P. 12, " When tha dest zey
muu ;" i. e. when thou dost say them ; — and P. 22
" a puss to put min in," i. e. a purse to put them in.
43
— Mun is also used vocatively for man, and some-
times even in speaking to a woman, but then it seems
rather to mean manniis, for the which the Saxon
word was also matt; thus P. 21 " chave an over
arrant to tha, mun," i. e. I have an important errand
to thee, my little hobby. — See the word Over, ex-
plained below,
Moil, or moyle, a mule.
To Moily, to labour like a mule, to be an incessant
drudge. — " I have toiled and moiled all day," i. e.
I have had a very hard day's work.
Miillad or mulled, closely rubbed and tightly squeezed,
or bruised like tobacco in a mull, or Scotch snuff-mill.
— See Soulad.
Muggard and muggaty, sullen and displeased, at a real
or supposed affront.
A Mulligrub gurgin, a meal-grub that feeds only upon
gurgins or gurgians, the coarsest kind of meal, and
the common food for hounds.
A Mum-chance, a fool dropt as it were by chance, or
by the fairies ; or one who is for the most part stupid
and silent, and never speaks, at least not to the pur-
pose, but by mere chance.
Mun, vide supra. Min.
A brocking Mungrel. — See Blocking. , ;
Mux, muck or dirt.
Muxy, dirty, filthy.
N,
The Natted yea, (for notted, or not-head, because with-
out antlers,) the ewe without horns.
The Niddick, the nape or hinder part of the neck.
A Ninniivatch, (q. d. the watch of a ninny or fool,) a
foolish expectation, — vain hopes or fears.
Now-reert, (i. e. now-right,) just now.
O.
To take Owl o' (i. e. to take unwell of it) to take it ill,
or amiss.
Oft, sometimes used for ought, or aught, any thing ; at
other times for oft, often, as in P. 12, L. 3.
44
Over, is frequently used to express over great, mate-
rial, or important : as " he hath an over mind to
such a thing," that is, a great inclination to it : — an
over errand, an important message. — See min or
mun, as above explained.
To Paddle, signifies not only to dabble in the water,
&c. but also to make too free with liquor, or to drink
freely. See the old song of the swapping Mallard,
'' And as the Mallard in his pools,
So will we paddle in our bowls."
To Palch along, — to stalk, or walk on softly, — [pos-
sibly d Belg. pa6=gacn, walking step by step.] — To
Palch, also signifies to patch or mend clothes, that is
to put a palch or palliage on them ; from the word
palliate, which signifies either to disguise or to patch
up a matter.
A Pan-crock, a little earthen pan ; from ^^onne, patella,
and (ffrorca, olla, testa. Sax.
To Pank, to pant.
Parbeakiny, iDelching ; perhaps a corruption of par-
hreahing, vomiting.
Pilm, flying dust: hence in p. 4, " I'll make thy bod-
dice pilmee," means, I'll thresh thee so, as to make
the dustjti/ out of thy boddice.
Pinchvart or Pinch/art, a miserly niggard, who pinches
and saves that which is not worth half ayerrdiing.
To Ping, to push. — In the praeter tense pung, as " he
pung me," i. e. he pushed me.
To take Pip, and raeach off, — See p. 24. — to take
amiss, or be out of humour, and so steal away.
Piping, in p. 7, means wheezing. — " A parbeaking
and piping body " — a person subject to belching and
wheezing.
Pistering, a word which whenever used, is always
joined with whistering, i. e. whispering, (as in p. 13)
perhaps from the French pester, to rail at, or tell
tales ; and so ivhistering and pistering must be un-
derstood to mean telling stories to the disadvantage
of others in whispers, or with an air of secrecy.
45
Plat-vooted, broad and flat- fooled.
To Plim, to swell up, as new bacon, &c. in dressing :
— " Chell plim tha," p, 4. — i. e. I shall or will beat
thee, so as to make thee swell, like a young fowl
put to the fire: — so to make the cheeks plim, is to
beat them so as to make them swell and look plump.
Podger, a platter, whether made of pewter or earthen
ware ; but the former is generally termed a podger-
dish, and the latter a cloamen podger, or frequently
a podger without any distinction.
To Poochee, to make mowes or mouthes, or screw up
the mouth like a pouch.
Pook, a haycock, quasi Peake or cone.
To Popple about, to hobble about.
Popping, blabbing, like a popinjay or parrot.
To Potee, to push with the feet.
To Powt, to thrust out the lips and swell the cheeks
in token of anger.
To Prink or prinkee, to dress fine, or set one's self off
to the best advantage.
PriUd. See A-pnU'd.
To Pritch, to prick holes in ; to make holes for the
wires in the leathers of wool-cards.
Puckering, in rolls and wrinkles, — all zig-zag and
awry.
To Pummel a person, — to beat him soundly, to box
him.
Pung. See Ping.
To Purt, Purtee, or be Apurt ; to sit silent and
sullen.
To Putch, to pitch up corn or hay to the mow or zess
with a pitchfork. See Zess.
Pixy, Pigsnye, a fairy. — (ab Islandic. Puke, dasmon.
— Teeheeing Pixy, p. 6. Laughing fairy or goblin.
Q.
Quelstring, hot and sultry, or sweltry.
Querking, the deep slow breathing of a person in pain ;
a tendency to groaning.
46
R.
Rabble-rote, a repetition of a long story ; a tale of a
tub.
Rachiff, raking up old stories, or rubbing up old sores.
Ragrowteriny, [quasi rag-rough-tearing) playing at
romps, and tliereby rumpling, roughening, and tear-
ing the clothes to rags.
Rathe, (not rea7-, as Gay lias it,) early, soon; e.g.
" a leet-rather,'' or as in p. 10, " bet leetle rather,"
i. e. but a little while ago, — a little sooner. I would
rather, i. e. I would sooner do so and so. — In So-
merset, " Wliy do you op so rathe," i. e. get up or
rise so early ?
Rathe-ripe fruit, early fruit.
A Rathe-ripe wench, a girl of early puberty.
To Ream, to stretch or strain. — [Bread is said to renin,
when made of hejited or melted corn, and grown a
little stale; so that if a piece of it be broken into
two parts, the one draws out from the other a kind
of string like the thread of a cobweb, stretching
from one piece to the other. — Note, corn is said to
be melted, when put together before thoroughly
dried, and so heated and fermented in the zess or
mow.]
Rearing, mocking, by repeating another's words with
scorn and disdain.
Reart, right. — So light is pronounced leart ; might,
meart ; and the like pronunciation prevails in almost
all words ending in ight, among the rustics in Devon.
Rearting, righting or mending.
Rewden Hat, a straw hat ; — a woman's hat made of
rood or reed, that is, of combed straw.
Rex or rather Rix, (ab Angl. Sax. filfan, junci) a
rush ; Rixen, rushes. — Tlie Rex-bush, p. 4, a bush
or tuft of rushes.
A Rigg, an impudent wanton girl. Minshew.
Rigging, acting the wanton ; ready to bestride any in-
active stallion, and give him a quickening spur.
A Rigrnntion- Rumpstall, may sometimes mean a ram-
mish ridgel ; but is generally used to denote a wan-
ton wencli that is ready to ride upon the men's backs :
47
or else passively to be their romp-stall;— from the
Saxon Stelan, salire.
Ripping, taking off the rind and exposing our naked-
ness; or ripping up our character and laying open
all our faults.
Rittling a bed, wheezing, rattling, routing, and snoring.
Rixen. See above.
J?('x^, quarrelsome, scolding. \k Lat. Rixa.']
A Roil or Royle, a big, ungainly slammakin ; a great
awkward blowze or hoyden.
To Roily upon one, to rail on him, or traduce his cha-
racter.
Roundshaving , spoke-shaving, reprimanding severely.
A Rouzabout, a restless creature, never easy at home,
but roaming from place to place. Also a sort of
large peas, whicli from their regular globosity will
hop or roll about more than others.
To Rowcast (i. e. to rough-cast), to throw dirt that will
stick.
Roivl or Real, a revel or wake ; the anniversary of
the dedication of a church.
Rubbacrock, a filthy slattern, that is as black as if she
were continually rubbing herself against a boiler or
kettle.
To Ruckee, to quat or crouch down, whether on a ne-
cessary occasion or otherwise.
A Rumple, a large debt contracted by little and little.
[Somerset, " 'Twill come to a rumple, or breaking,
at last : but rumple in Devon means not the same as
rupture, but a thing ruffled and drawn up togetlier,
as a garment tumbled up to a wad, with many plaits
and wrinkles.]
s.
A Scatt or Skatl, a shower of rain. [There is a Pro-
verb at Kenton, in Devon, mentioned by Risdon,
" When Halldownhas a hat, let Kenton beware of a
skatt." See Brice's Topog. Dictionary, Art. Ken-
ton.]
Scattij weather, showery, with little skuds of rain.
Scoarse or Scoace, to exchange. " Es scoast a tack or
two," p. 18. i. e. I exchanged a blow or two, — I
swopped with him a fisty-cuff or two.
48
Scratched or a-scratch'd, just frozen ; the surface of
the earth appearing as it were scratched or scabby.
To Screedle, or scrune over the embers, to hover over
them, covering them with one's coats as with a
skreen.
To Scrumpee, to scranch like a glutton, or as a dog
eating bones and all.
Seggard, safeguard, a kind of outer garment so called.
Slioard, a piece of broken earthen ware, a potsherd.
To take a Shoard, to take a cup to© much.
A Shool, a shovel.
To Slioort, to shift for a living.
To Simmer, to simper, like water in a kettle, or broth
in a pot, when beginning to boil.
To Skull, to school ; to rate or scold at.
To Slat, to slit a stick or board lengthwise, to crack,
to throw a thing against the ground so as to break
it ; also to give a slap or blow.
Snihble-nose , or rather Snivel-nose, one who snuflfs up
the snot. — Gutted Snibble-nose, a cutting niggardly
person ; one that would save the very droppings of
his nose : — a common description of a miser, in this
country.
To Sou'l, (Sax. sole) to tumble one's clothes, to pull
one about, &c. See Milliard.
Soze, or Soace, properly for Sirs ; but sometimes
spoken to a company of women as well as men.
Spalls, chips.
To drow vore Spalls, to throw one's errors and little
flaws in one's teeth, quasi Spalls or chips, which fly
oft" from the carpenter's axe or woodman's bill ; — or
to throw out spiteful hints, or spit one's venom against
another, quasi spawls.
^ Spare, slow. It also sometimes means a thing not con-
stantly used, but kept in reserve for a friend occa-
sionally, as a spare-bed, &c.
Sprey, sprack, spruce, and clever.
Sproil, a capacity of motion, ability to sprawl about,
and be active. See Stroil.
A good Spud, a good gift or legiicy, such as may answer
your hopes and expectations. (Sax. epell, opes.)
, 49
To Spudlee or spuddle out the yetvmors, — to stir or
spread abroad tlie embers, with a little spud or poker.
To Squat down, to quat down.
Squelstring weather, sweltry or sultry.
A Stare- bason, one that is saucer-eyed, and impudently
stares one in the face.
Stave, a staff; also a tree or plank laid across the
water for a foot-bridge, with something of a rail. —
" When the water was by stave," (p. 6.) or up by
stave, i. e. When it was so high as to cover the
bridge, and render it dangerous to pass over.
Steehopping, gadding abroad idly to hear or carry
news. (Possibly from the British Ystiferioii eve-
droppings, and so may denote the conduct of eve-
droppers who hearken for news under windows ; but
more probably from the Saxon gtcarr liistoria, and
i&oppan gestire, and so is expressive of the tale-
bearer's chief employment, viz. to carry stories from
house to house.)
Steev'd with the cold (see Mickled), quite stiff and
frozen. (Saxon gtifian ohtorpere, a Gr. ortpcf.)
To Stertlee, to startle.
Stertling Roil, (p. 2.) a wag-tail blowze, or one whose
motion is directed like a ship by the rudder in her
stern. (Sax, ^tfor^Strrn puppis, and hence ^tcort
or gtert, Cauda.) — " Stertlee upon the zess," (as in
p. 4.) i. e. to act tlie wag-tail there.
To Stile linen, &c. to smooth it with a steel, or ironing
box. To iron the clothes.
To Stool Terras, to set up wet turfs two and two, one
against another, toucliing each other at the upper
part, and astrout at tiie bottom, that the wind may
blow between them, and help to dry them for fuel.
A Strarii, any sadden, loud, and quick sound : so (a
sa verb) to strain the doors, means to shut them with
noise and violence. Hence a bold and unexpected
lie that greatly shocks and surprises the hearer, i
called a slrammvr; and hence also to strammee,
means to tell great and notorious lies.
To Strat, to dash in pieces ; to throw any thing against
the ground, or &c. so as to break it : lience to strat
50
the match, that is, to break it off, or prevent the
intended marriage.
A Strat in the chops, — a blow in the face or mouth.
To Strat a person up, — to dash the foul water or mud
of the streets aoainst him, and bespatter him there-
with ; from the Saxon ^trargtian, spargere.
Stroil, (from struggle) strength and agility. — " Thou
hast no stroilwov docity," (p. 10.) i. e. no activity nor
docility ; no more agility or motion than a person
disabled from striving or struggling.
Stroil is also a denomination of the long roots of weeds
and grass, in grounds not properly cultivated.
Stroaki/ig or Strovking the Kee (i. e. the cows), milk-
ing after a calf has sucked.
A good Stub, a large sum of money, whether given or
expended ; as, " it cost a good stub," i. e. it was
bought at a good price. — " He did not give his vote
without having a good stub," that is, a large bribe.
A Sture, a steer ; also a dust raised.
Swapping or Swopping, big, large, unwieldy ; — as the
swopping-mallard of All-souls College in the song,
means a very large mallard.
A Swash-bucket, a wench who carelessly swashes and
splashes the pig's wash out of the bucket, when she
carries it to feed the hogs : that this, or some such
slatternly conduct, whether of the pig's bucket, or
milk-pail, &c. is meant by this word in the foregoing
dialogues, seems evident : at least that it can have
no reference or allusion to q. swash buckler or hector-
ing soldier, but to some mean office of a woman
servant in the country.
T. •
To Tack, ({rom Attaquer, Fr. to attack), means in
Devon, to give a stroke with the palm of the hand,
not with a clinched fist.
A Tack, a stroke so given.
To Tack Hands, to clap hands, either by way of
triumph or provocation ; as also in a dance, &c.
Tanbaste, or Tanbase, scuffling or struggling ; perhaps,
51
from the Sax. leoil trahere, and basing chlamys, pull-
ing and tearing off one another's clothes in the scuffle.
Taply, (a corruption of timely. Sax. SCiniUcc, tempes-
tive) — early ; betimes in the naorning. Spanish,
temprano, i. e. mature ; tempore matutino.
To Tare. See Tear.
Tatchy, peevish, captious, displeased on every trifling
occasion.
Taties, potatoes.
To Tear or Tare, signifies (in Devon) not only to rend,
crack, or break, but also to make a great stir.
To Tear or tare along ; to bustle through business, to
be stiring and active. — " How do hare tare along,"
(p. 26.) i.e. How doth she go on, or make her way
in the world ? How doth her diligence and assiduity
succeed ?
Ted or Tet, to be ordered or permitted to do a thing ;
as I ted go home at such a time, i. e. I am to go
home, &c. " We tet not put on our shoes till we
have them," i. e. we are Hot to put them on till, &c.
Terra or Terve, a turf.
Tervee, to struggle and labour to get free.
Tetties, (teats,) breasts.
Thick-listed, short-winded or breathing with difficulty,
(as very fat persons do) — asthmatical.
To Thir. Tliis signifies much the same as to Dere,a
word commonly used by nurses in Devonshire signi-
fying to frighten or hurry a cliild out of his senses.
Dr. Hicks mentions it as a Norfolk word oi Cimbric
origin, to tirvc nocere : as gou tirrr mf, mihi noces.
So in the Exm. Courtship, p. 24, " twont thir ma,"
means it will not hurt, hurry, or astonish me. — Sax.
IBtvian, nocere ; tlfVE, damnum.
Thill or Thcrl, gaunt and lank, thin and lean.
Ting, a long girt or surcingle, that girds the panniers
tightly to the pack-saddle.
To Ting a person, to give him or her a tight scolding ;
or to upbraid one with such particulars as touch to
the quick, and pinch as feelingly as the ting does
the belly of the horse when tightly buckled.
Torn or Tovrn, a spinning wheel ; so called from its
turning round.
52
A Totle, a slow lazy person ; an idle fool, that does his
work awkwardly and slowly. — (So called perhaps,
q. d. tauylit ill, but q. as to this?)
To Totle and totee about, — to totter up and down.
To Towzce, to toss and tumble.
A Troant (not a truant or micher, but in Dev.) a
foolish witless fellow, and sometimes a lazy loitering
lubber.
A Trohibber or Troiiyh-lubher, a common labourer,
whose ordinary business is hedging and ditching, i. e.
digging and working in the hedge-troughs, &c.
A Trnb, (not a little squat woman, as Baily has it, but)
a slut, a drab, or trull. When masculine it denotes
a sloven.
How do you Try ? — How do you find yourself? How
do you do ? — Sometimes the salutation is, " Hotv
d'ye hold it?" To which some punsters will answer,
" In both hands when I can catch it !" but the mean-
ing is, how do you /lold or retain your health?
U.
Unlifty, unwieldy.
Upazet, or Uppazit, opposite ; set before you in full
view,
Upzetting, i. e. Up-sitting — a gossiping, or christen-
ing feast.
To Vug, to thwack, or beat one with a rod, &c.
To Vang, (Sax, fangan, capere,) to take : — and like-
wise to undertake at the font of baptism, as a sponsor
for a child. In the printer, Viaig. Thus, (p. 1,)
" Whan tha vungst (and be hanged to tha!) to Rab-
bin," i. e. When thou wert godmother (and may
hanging await thee !) to Robin.
Veahing, {quasi feiging, carping) ; fretful and peevish,
Vigging,(see Potee), vig, vig, vig ; used to express the
action of dogs digging with their feet, in order to
scratch out fleas.
53
Vinnied or Vinnnd, finnewed, mouldy. — From the
SiiKon jfgnegian, orfgutg, mucidus.
Vinni/, a battle or skirmish ; and in the foregoing dia-
logues (see p. 7.) a scolding bout. Possibly from
Whinniard, a hanger, or crooked sword, used as a
defence from assaults ; and this perhaps derived
from the Latin vindicta, revenge : for the word
vinny here, cannot mean to whinny or neigh like a
horse, this being a signal of kind invitation, rather
than garrulous opposition.
To Vine-dra Voaks, (p. 9) i. e. iofine-draw folks ; to
flatter or deceive people by fair speeches ; to cut
their throats with a feather.
To Vit meat, to dress it, or make ii Jit to be eaten.
To Vittee, to go well, fitly, and successfully.
Vitty, {quasi fiiiy,) apt, decent, handsome and well.
Voar, Voor, or Vore, — Forth ; — also a Furroiv.
To drow Voar, i. e. to throw forth ; to twit a person
with a fault.
Voar-and-back, reversed; the right-hand side being
placed on the left, or what should be fortvard put
backward. So up-and-down (in the Devonsliire dia-
lect), means up-side-down, or inverted.
Vore Days, or Voar-Days, late, orybrti'arrfin the day ;
the day being far advanced.
Vore-reert, forth-right, or right forward ; headlong,
without circumspection.
Vorked, forked. P. 3, " so vur's tha art a vorked," i. e.
" so far as thou art forked ;" and p. 6, " drade tha
out by the vorked eend ;" i. e. drew thee out by the
forked end; which phrases want no other explana-
tion, the fork therein meant being well known : and,
perhaps, it may be deemed beside our purpose to
add, that the same word is used for the tivist or tivis-
sel of maiden tree.'.
Vort, or Voart, fought. — P. 19, " Es thortyou coudenf
a vort zo, " i. e. 1 thought you could not haveybw*/ /it
so.
Vramp-shapen, distorted. — [a Belg. wrimpen.^
F/-ertc/ie, (perhaps from the SnxowVYatttn^, persef/nens,
following closely; or from rtcan, curare ; or possibly
54
from the Islandic, havtiQiJ, cautio, prudentia: Q ?)
Readily, carefully, diligently, and earnestly.
Vulch. See Fulch.
A Vump, a thump.
To Vump, to thump, or give one blows with the fist;
also to vamp, or botch up old clothes.
Vustin fume, a mighty fume, a swelling boisterous
rage.
Vustled-up, wrapped up ; a Yidii. fascia.
W.
Wambling, a rumbling, or commotion in the guts ; —
also waving, tumbling or lolling a thing backward
and forward, or from side to side,
Wangarij, or Wangery, soft and flabby.
Wapper-eyed, goggle-eyed, having full rolling eyes ;
or looking like one scared ; or squinting like a person
overtaken with liquor — [Possibly from toaptan, Sax.
fluctuare, stupei'e.]
'Chell Warndy, I '11 warrant you.
Washamouth, one that blabs out every thingat random'
or whatever happens to be uppermost. — [Perhaps
from the Saxon tocas, fortuitb, and nttltlg, os. But Q ?]
Wee-wow, or a-wee-wow ; waving this way and that
way.
Well to pass, in a thriving way, possessed of a good
estate, or having a competent fortune.
Wetherly, or Witherly, wilfully ; with main force and
violence.
A Whappet, a blow with the hollow of the hand.
Wharewty, wherewith, or wherewithal.
Whatjecomb, or Whatchecam, what d'ye call him ?
Whatnozed, for hot-nosed, (formerly s^eWhoate-nosed,)
red-nosed, as if heated by drinking too freely.
A. Wherret, or Whirrit,a, clap or cufl" given on the face,
according to Minshew ; but in Dev. it rather means
a box o' the ear.
55
Whileer, i. e. a while ere, or a while before ; a little
while since.
To Whister, to whisper.—" Zart ! Whistery," p. 30,
i. e. Soft ! let us whisper !
Whistering and Pistering. See Pistering.
A Whisterpoop, a sort of whistling, or rather whisper-
ing pop ; a blow on the ear ; ironically meant, to ex-
press a sudden and unwelcome whisper.
Whitstone, ^.V^heXsionc ; a Z/arV property. See Notes
on p. 17 and 18, and the note subjoined to this
page.*
A Whittvitch, a white witch, a conjuror. — A good
witch, that does no mischief unless it be in picking
the pockets of those who are no conjurors, by pre-
tending to discover the rogueries of others.
Whorting, — " out a Whorting," p. 5, i. e. out in the
woods, &c. to search for and gather t/'Aorfj, or whortle-
berries.
The Why for Ay, a sufficient compensation, or valuable
exchange of one thing for another:- — as in p. 11,
*' Thou wouldstkiss the a — of G. H. to ha en (i. e.
* In our notes on p. 17 and 18, we have given a conjectural
account for what reason a Whetstone may have been (as it
is) commonly esteemed a fit present for a Liar ; but have
been since favoured witli the following anecdote, from whence
we learn the real origin thereof.
" Two journeymen slioemakers working together in the
same shop, in or near Exeter, had a dispute concerning their
property in a Whetstone, (a necessary implement of theirs,)
each claiming it as his own. At length it was proposed,
that he of the two, that could tell the greatest lie, in the
judgment of a third person then present, to whose decision it
was referred, should have the Whetstone to his own use.
This being agreed to, the one to make sure of it asserted,
that he once drove a nail through the moon. The other
readily acknowledged this to be ^rwe, swearing that he at the
same time stood on the other side of the moon and clinched it.
Upon which this latter was immediately adjudged to have an
indisputable title to the Whetstone. — Hence the Whetsto7ie
came to be deemed a proper present for a notorious liar ; and
hence every great lie, when intended to corroborate another,
is called a clincher."
56
to have liim) ; but thou hast not the Why for Ay"
i. e. not a sufficient fortune to answer liis.
Wimbitiff, winnowing corn.
To Make- Wise, to pretend; to malie as though things
are so and so, Avlien they are not.
Wraxling, wrestfing.
Yallow Beeh, or Yellow Boys, guineas.
To Yappee, when spoken of a dog, signifies to yelp. —
See Yeppy.
Yeavcliuff, the evening.
Yeavy, wet and moist ; k Sax. lEa, aqua.
To Yeppy, to malce a chirping noise, like chickens or
birds: — also used negatively to denote the voice of a
person that cannot he distinctly heard : — as in p. 12,
" thou art so lioarse that thou canst scarce yeppy."
Yerring, yelling, noisy.
Yess, Podex — Saxon farS, in Chaucer earse ; in plain
English, mine a — .
Yewmors, embers, hot ashes. The same word is also
used for humours.
Yea, an Eive-sheep..
Zcewl, or zoivl, (Sax. ^ul, or gulj^, aratrum ; from
Sulco, Sulcare, to cast up furrows ;) a plough.
Zenneet, or zinneert, sev'night.
Zewnteen, or zaivnteen, seventeen.
'Should Xem, for " It should seem ;" it seems, or so
the report goes. — As in p. 1, " 'Shou'd zem thouwert
sick," &,c. i. e. it was so reported.
Tlie Zess, the sheaves regularly piled and stowed in a
barn, in like manner as a corn-rick or mow is with-
out doors ; but the Devonshire w ord zess, always
means the pile of sheaves ivithin the barn.
E'iV//e-n<oM</(, the mouth awry, or more extended on one
side than the other.
57
Zoo, as " To let the Kee go zoo" p. 5, i.e. let the
cows go dry.
Zoxverswopped, {quasi Sovvre-sapped,) ill natured,
crabbed.
Zioir thy Torn, (p. 5.)— Quhir, or whirl round thy
spinning-wheel with speed ; let thy diligence be pro-
claimed by its zwirring, or quhirring noise.
liwop, (a vSaK. StDapa ruina,) the noise made by the
sudden fall of any tiling ; as, " He fell down, zwop !"
In the Exmoor Courtship, p. 17, it expresses the sud-
den snatching of a smacking kiss.
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COLLECTION OF PIECES
IN THE
DIALECT OF ZUMMERZET.
EDITED B\
JAMES ORCHARD HALLIWELL, ESQ.
LONDON :
JOHN RUSSELL SMITH.
1843.
{Only fifty copies printed.)
H. COOKE, PRINTER, OXFORD.
THE VISIT
OF A
ZUMMERZET MAN TO LONDON.
[From MS. Ashm. 36, fol. 112 — 113. — Seventeenth century.']
At Taundeane Lond I vvoz a bore and a bred,
Vor to tell yow the troth my name is a call'd Ned ;
Cham noe Annabaptist, Ice can't abide them,
Vor Ice chave a received my trew cizzendom.
Chill don my to boots and my zord by my zide,
Vor unto London Ice doe mean vor to ride ;
Ice tould vather and mother chould zee thick vine toun.
Chill ztay thare a ville and then chood come doune.
Chad a zore mind to zee thick zame holy thorne,
And vaith when Ice come thare Ice did zeeke vom ;
But thay tould mee that Joseph had a bin thare avore mee,
But Ice chod not a vind Joseph nor yet the tree.
Not var vrom thick place chad a zpide grote hill.
And a tower on the zarae hard by a wind mill ;
Ice clamred up avore chad done,
Then mee thought Ice wor zo high az the zunn.
And az Ice ztood thare O how my hart did quiver,
Chad near a drop a blood a left in my liver ;
Ice zleurd and zleurd and nevor gave ore,
'Till Ice zleurd me downe to the bellvree dore.
And az Ice ztood upon thick zame motheatn ztars,
Ice did zit upon my neese and I zaid my praires ;
If evor Ice doe comeheare againe, Ice zaid,
Chill give thee my mother vor a maid.
Ice azked wbooe tooke downe the leads an the heels,
And tliay tould me a doctar that lived about Wels ;
In the 7th of Jozhua pray bid them goe looke.
Chill be hanged if thick same chaptar be not out of his booke.
Vor thare you may reade about Achan's wedge,
How thick zame gnolden thing did zettz teeth an edge,
'Tis an ominous thing how this church is abused,
Remember how poor Abbott Whitting was used.
Zoe Ice tooke my leave of thick good old tower,
But az zoun Ice came to ztonige I was in a dor,
Vor so many gallowsiz to me did appeare,
Ice thought the azizes had been keept thare.
Ice tould the ztones nigh twanty times ore.
And then Ice waz az vvize az I waz bevore ;
The greatest reathmetizione that eare you did zee
Can never tell justly how many thare bee.
Then to my Lord Bale's chapell I came.
And Ice kneeled downe and thought to kizt the zame.
But Ice zmeled a zmell not zo zweet az a roze.
That the zent a month auter waz not out of my noaz.
You may call this zame building a church if you please.
But I had rather call it a chapell of eaze,
Vor zmalle commings in beelong to it, I tell yee,
And great goings out if vrom a laze belley.
I asked if zome preezt had a lived thare,
And thay told mee not any thiz threezcore yeare,
But if I had a bin thare paitron I chod a bin zure
That zume gifted man zhould have zerved the cure.
Att last the zitty came into ray vew,
And then, to zpake troth, I waz ready to zpew;
Thare was zuch a zent about the towns
That I waz in a zuorae and ready to zound.
What with the zmoke and what with the criez,
I waz amozt blind and dunch in mine e^^ez,
Cood yow blame me then to be zad and zorrow.
It waz like unto Zodome and Gommorrow.
C) how the coaches did run up and downe,
Ice thought zure the Zcottz had aentred the towne ;
The ztoues did zpet vire, and the horzes did vlee,
As if it had bin dunder and lightning in the zcy.
In sadnes my ztomake began for to rize,
At the vresh chees and creame and the what pyze,
The zluts ware zo nasty how cood it be cleane,
Chad rather a eate whitpot at Taundeane.
Then to the Exchange I went with a whir,
What lack you, what lack you, thay cried, good zur ;
A wench, coth I, if with any yow meete,
And thay zhoed me the way into Turnbol-ztreet.
Ice went into a house and Ice zat me doune,
Then in came a wench in a tavity goune ;
Yow tuch pot, Ice tuch penny, shee opens her ware.
Without ready money Ice must not come thare.
Why then zweethart, if I zhant have they —
Doe thee keepe thy ware and I'le keep my money ;
Ice can have one for a quart of wine
Shall bee zweeter and zounder and better then thine.
In Paules Churchyard chad a zpend an hour.
In vewing of thick zame goodly tower,
It did tuch the zcy, or els cham blind,
Because the zteeple Ice cood not vind.
Ice went in and thought to have valen to praier.
But when I cam thare it was like to a vare,
Vor the durt and the dung that waz thar to be vound
Would have zoiled at least an acar of ground.
Then to the Bridge I went with a wherry.
And thare I had small cauz to be merry,
Vor thay empted a cloaszoole downe on my hed,
And in what a zweet caze waz then pore Ned.
But oh how the wattarz did raig an roare,
Chod a gin any money zo chad bin a zhoare,
Az long as cham able to goae or ztand.
Chill ner goae by wattar an vorzakc land.
Too Pallaz Garden roe mee, quoth I,
And thather they carried mee by and by,
But the doges and the bearez did zo ztinke an vart.
That a petty qualme came over my hart.
At Westminster Abby thare be vine thinges,
And thare they zhewed me the toumbes an the kinges,
But because I cood not a vine Charlies the vurste,
By my troth, my hart waz readdy to burst.
Zoe Ice took my leave of thick good ould towne,
Chad a zpent all my mony and Ice must goe downe,
Chad a hole budget of newez to relaite.
To vaither and mother an ziztar Kaite,
SOLILOQUY OF BEN BOND, THE IDLETON.
Ben Bond was one of those sons of idleness that ignorance
and want of occupation in a secluded country village too often
produce. He was a country lad on the borders of sixteen,
employed by old Titball, a querulous and suspicious farmer,
to look after a large flock of sheep. The scene of his soliloquy
may be thus described : a green sunny bank on which one
could agreeably repose, called the " Sea Wale:" on the sea
side was an extensive common, called " The Wath," and ad-
joining it another, called *' The Island," both were occasionally
overflowed by the tide ; on the other side of the bank were
rich enclosed pastures, suitable for fattening the finest cattle ;
into these enclosures Ben Bond's charge were disposed fre-
quently to stray. The season was June, the time mid-day, and
the western breezes came over from the sea, a short distance
from which our scene lay, at once cool, grateful, and re-
freshing. The rushing Parrett, with its ever shifting sands,
was also heard in the distance. It should be stated that Law-
rence is the name usually given in Somersetshire to the
imaginary being who presides over the idle. Perhaps it may
be useful also to remark, that the word Idleton, which does not
occur in our dictionaries, is assuredly more tlian a provin-
eiallsm, and should be in those definite assistants. During the
latter part of the soliloquy, Farmer Titball arrives behind the
bank, and hearing poor Ben's discourse with himself, interrupts
his musings in the manner here described.
^o'-
Soliloquy. — Lawrence ? Why doos'n let I up ? vot let 1
up ? — Naw, I be a sleapid, I can't leet thee up eel. Now,
Lawrence, do let I up. — There bimeby Maester '11 come an
a'U beat I athin a ninch o' me life, do let I up. — Naw I want.
Lawrence I beg o'ee do'ee let I up. D'ye zee, tha sheep be
all a breakin droo tha vive-an-twenty yacres, an farmer Stag-
gitt '11 goo to la wi'n, and I shall be kill'd, Lawrence, — Naw
I wunt, 'tis zaw whit, bezides I hant a had my nap out. Law-
rence, I da za thee bist a bad un, ool thee hire what I da za ?
come now and let I scoose wi. Lord a massy upon me, Law-
rence, whys'n thee let I up ?— Caz I wunt. What muss'n I
ha an hour, like aither vawk, ta ate my bird an cheese ? — I do
za I wunt, an zaw 'tis niver tha near to keep on. Maester
tawl'd I nif I war a good bway, a'd gee I iz awld waskil, an
I'm shower, nif a da come an vine I here, and tha sheep a brawk
into the vive-an-twenty yacres, a'U vling't awa vust. Lawrence
do'ee let me up — vol'ee, do'ee?— Naw, I can't let thee goo eel.
Maester '11 be shower to come and catch me, Lawrence, doose
thee hire ? I da za ool let me up ? I zeed farmer Haggit zoon
ater I upt, an a zed nif I voun one o' my sheep in tha vive-an-
twenty yacres, a'd drash I za long as a cood ston over me, an
wi a groun ash too. There zum o'm be a gwon droo tha vive-
an-twenty-yacres inta tha drawe. Tha'll be pound, Larence.
I'll gee thee a peny nif ool let me up. — Naw, I wunt. Thic
not sheep ha got tha scab. Dame tawl'd 1 ta mine tha scab
water. I vorgot it. Maester war despers'd cross, an I war
glad ta git out o' tha langth o' his tongue ; I da hate such cross
vawk. Larence, what ool niver let I up ? There, zum o' tha
sheep be a gwon into Leek-beds, an zum o'em be in Honnlake,
dree or vour o'em be gwon za vur as Slow-wa, the ditches be
raenny o'm za dry 'lis all now rangel common. Tliere, I'll
gee thee dree ha pence ta let I goo, Lawrence. Why thee
hasa'n bin here an hour and vor what shood I let thee goo ; I
8
da za lie still, Larence, why doos'n let I up, there zim ta I ?
I da hire thic pirty maid, Fanny o' Drimmer hill, a chidin vin
I be a lying here while tha sheep be gwaing droo thee shord
or tuther shord, zum o'm a- ma-be be a drown'd. Larence,
doose thee think I can bear tha betwitten o' thic pirty maid ?
She, tha primrawse o' primrawse hill, tha lily o' tha level, tha
gawl cup o' tha mead, tha zweetest honey zuckle in tha garden,
tha yarly vilet, tha rawse o' rawses, tha pirty poley-antice,
whun I zeed er last, she said, " Ben, do'ee mine tha sheep, an
the yows, an lams, an than zumbody ool mine you. Wi
that she gid me a beautiful spreg o' jessamy jist a pickt from the
poorch." Tha smile war za zweet ; Lawrence, I mas goo, I
ool goo, you must let I up, I 'ont stay here na longer, Maester
'11 be shower to come an drash me. Thic awld cross fella wi iz
awld waskil. There, Larence, I'll gie thee thether penny, an
that's ivry vard'n I a got, oot let I goo ? Naw, I mus ha a
penny moor. Lawrence, do let I up. Creeplin Philip '11 be
shower to catch me. Thic Cockygee, I don't like en at all, a's
za rough an za zour. An Will JPopham too, betwite me about
the maid, a called er a rath ripe Lady Buddick, I don't mlsllke
the name at all, thawf I don't care vor'n a straw nor a read,
nor tha thithe of a pin : What da tha call he ? Why tha upright
man, cas he da ston upright an'll wrassly too. I don't like such
plais, nor single stick nuther, nor squailin, menny games that
Will Popham da volley, I'd rather zit in the poorch wi that
gissamy rangling roun it, and hire Fanny zing — oot let me up,
Larence ? — Naw, I tell thee, I 'ontathout a penny moor. Raw-
sey Pink too an Nanny Drabby axed I about Fanny, what
bisniss had tha ta up wit; I don't like non o'em ; girnin Jan
too shaw'd iz teeth, and put in his verd — I wish theze vawk
vod mine thur awn consarns, an let I an Fanny aloane. La-
rence, doose thee mean to let I goo ? — Eese, nif thee'l gee me
tuther penny. Why I lia'nt got a vard'n moor, oot let me up?
— Not athout tha penny. Now, Larence, doo'ee ven I ha'nt
no moor money, I a bin here moor than a hour, when the yows
an tha lams an all tha tothering sheep be how I don't know.
Creeplin Phelip uol gee me a lirropin shower anon. There, I
do thenk I heard zummcl or zumbody oon the wall.
Here, d n thee, I'll gee thee tuther penny, said Farmer
Titball, leaping down the bank with a stout shiver of a crab
tree in his hand. The sequel may be easily imagined.
THE SOMERSETSHIRE MAN'S COMPLAINT
[^From MS. Lansd. G7\fol. 21, Seventeenth Century.']
God's boddikins, 'chill worke no more,
Dost thinke 'chill labor to be poore ?
No, no, ich have a doe.
If this be now the world and trade.
That I must breake, and rogues be made,
Ich will a plundring too.
'Chill sell my cart, and cake my plow,
And get a zwird, if I know how.
For I raeane to be right.
'Chill learne to drinke, to sweare, to roare,
To be a gallant, drab, and whore,
No matter the' nere fight.
But first a warrant, that is vitt,
From Mr. Captaine I doe gett,
'Twill make a sore a doo ;
For then 'chave power, by my place,
To steale a horse without disgrace.
And beate the owner too.
God blesse us what a world is here,
Can never last another yeare.
Yoke cannot be able to zow.
Dost think I ever 'chad the art
To plow my ground up with my cart,
My bease are all I goe.
Ize had zixe oxen tother day,
And them the Roundheads stole away,
10
A mischief be their speed.
I had six horses left me whole.
And them the Cavileers have stole,
God's zores they are botli agreed.
Here I doe labor, toile, and zweat,
And 'dure the cold, hot, dry, and wett,
But what dost think I gett ?
Hase just my labor for my paines,
Thes Garrizons have all the gaines.
And thither all is vett.
There goes my corne, my beanes, and pease,
I doe not dare them to displease,
They doe zoe zweare and vapor ;
Then to the governor I come.
And pray him to discharge the some,
But nought can get to paper.
God's bores, dost think a paper will
Keep warm my back, and belly fill.
No, no, goe burne the note.
If that another yeare my veeld
No better profittdoe me yeeld,
I may goe cut my throate.
If any money 'chave in store,
Then straight a warrant come therfore.
Or I must plundred be.
And when 'chave shuffled up one pay,
There comes a new without delay,
"Was ever the like a zee.
And as this were not grief enow.
They have a thing called Quarter too.
Oh, that's a vengeance waster ;
A pox upon't, they call it vree,
'Cham sure that made us slaves to be.
And every ruago our master.
11
THE COUNTRYMAN'S RAMBLE THROUGH
BARTHOLOMEW FAIR.
IFrom " Pills to Purge Melancholy," 1719, vol. Hi. p. 41—42.]
Adzooks ches went the other day to London town,
In Smithfield such gazing,
Zuch thrusting and squeezing,
Was never known .
A zitty of wood, some volk do call it Bartledom Fair,
But ches zure nought but kings and queens live there.
In gold and zilver, zilk and velvet each was drest,
A lord in his zatting
Was buisy prating.
Among the rest :
But one in blew jacket came, which some do Andrew call,
Adsheart, talk'd woundly wittily to them all.
At last, outzooks, he made such sport I laugh' d aloud,
The rogue, being fluster'd,
He flung me a custard.
Amidst the croud :
The volk veil a laughing at me ; then the vezen zaid,
Bezure, Ralph, give it to Doll, the dairy-maid.
I zwallowed the aflront, but staid no longer there ;
I thrust and I scrambled,
Till further I rambled.
Into the Fair.
Where trumpets and bagpipes, kettle-drums, fiddlers, were
all at work,
And the cook zung, Here's your delicate pig and pork.
I look'd around, to see the wonders of the vair.
Where lads and lasses.
With pudding-bag arses,
Zo nimble were ;
Heels over head, as round as a wheel thoy turn'd about,
Old Nick zure was in their breeches without doubt.
12
Most woundy pleas'd, 1 up and down the vair did range,
To zee the vine varies,
Play all their vagaries,
I vow 'twas strange.
I ask'd them aloud, what country little volk they were ?
A cross brat answer'd me, che were cuckold- shire.
I thrust and shov'd along as well as e'er I could,
At last did I grovel,
Into a dark hovel.
Where drink was sold ;
They brought me cans, which cost a penny apiece, adsheart,
I'm zure twelve ne'er could fill a country quart.
Che went to draw her purse, to pay them for their beer,
The devil a penny.
Was left of my money,
Che'll vow and zwear ;
They doft my hat for a groat, then turn'd me out of doors :
Adswounds, Ralph, did ever see zuch rogues and whores.
A LOVE SONG.
[From the same work, p. 256—257-]
Sit thee down by me, mine own joy ;
Thouz quite kill me, should'st thou prove coy :
Should'st thou prove coy, and not love me,
Oh ! where should I find out sike a yan as thee.
Tze been at wake, and Ize been at fare.
Yet ne'er found yan with thee to compare ;
Oft have I sought, but ne'er could find,
Sike beauty as thine, could'st thou prove kind.
Thouz have a gay gown and go foyn.
With silver shoon thy feet shall shoyn ;
With foyn'st flowers thy crag Ize crown,
Thy pink iictticoat sail be laced down.
13
Weeze yearly gang to the brook siile,
And fishes catch as they do glide :
Each fish thyn prisoner then shall be,
Thouz catch at them, and Ize catch at thee.
What mun we do when scrip is fro ?
Weez gang to the houze at the hill broo.
And there weez fry and eat the fish ;
But 'tis thy flesh makes the best dish.
Ize kiss thy cherry lips, and praise,
Aw the sweet features of thy face ;
Thy forehead so smooth, and lofty doth rise.
Thy soft ruddy cheeks, and pratty black eyes.
Ize lig by thee aw the cold night,
Thouz want nothing for thy delight :
Thouz have any thing if thouz have me,
And Ize have something that sail please thee.
A SONG ON A WEDDING.
IFrom flic same tvork, p. 278—279.]
Ods hartly wounds, Ize not to plowing, not I, Sir,
Because I hear there's such brave doing hard by, Sir ;
Thomas the minstrel he's gan twinkling before, Sir,
And they talk there will be two or three more, Sir ;
Who the rat can mind either Bayard or Ball, Sir,
Or anything at all, Sir, for thinking of drinking i' th' hall, Sir;
E'gad not I ! Let master fret it and storm it, I am resolv'd :
I'm sure there can be no harm in't ;
Who would lose the zight of the lasses and pages.
And pretty little Sue so true, when she ever engages ;
E'gad not I, I'd rather lose all my wages.
There's my Lord has got the curiousest daughter.
Look but on her, she'll make the chops on ye water ;
This is the day the ladies are all about her.
Some veed her, some to dress and clout her :
Uds-bud she's grown the veatest, the neatest, the sweetest.
The pretty littl'st rogue, and all men do say tlic discreetest.
14
There's ne'er a girl that wears a head in the nation,
But must give place zince Mrs. Betty's creation ;
She's zo good, zo witty, zo pretty to please ye,
Zo charitably kind, zo courteous, and loving, and easie :
That I'll be bound to make a maid of my mother,
If London town can e'er zend down zuch another.
Next my Lady in all her gallant apparel ;
Ize not forget the thumping thund'ring barrel ;
There's zuch drink the strongest head cannot bear it,
'Twill make a vool of zack, or white wine, or claret :
And zuch plenty, that twenty or thirty good yellows,
May tipple off their cups, until they lie down on their pillows ;
Then hit off thy vrock, and don't stand scratching thy head zo,
For thither I'll go, cods because I have said so.
MERRY TALES.
IFrom " The Bristol Garland," I2irw. n. d.]
OF A SCHOLAR AND A TAPSTER ON A WINTER'S NIGHT.
The tapster said, sir, will you go to bed ? No (quoth the
scholar), there are thieves abroad, and I will not willingly be
taken napping. So the tapster left him, and being gone, in
came a spirit into the chamber, with his head under his arm, so
that he durst not stir, but cryed out, Help ! help ! fire ! thieves !
thieves ! So when they of the house came to him they asked
what was the matter ? Oh ! (quoth he) the devil was here,
and spoke to me with his head under his arm, but now I will go
to bed, and if he comes again I will send him to the tapster to
help him to make false reckonings. It being a cold night
(quoth he) I will first put fire to toe, that is, I will warm my
toes by the fire, then I'll go to bed. And so he did, and a great
reckoning the next morning put the scholar out of his jest, say-
ing, that was in earnest made two large a reckoning, he being
but poor Sir John of Oxford.
15
OF A FELLOW'S LARGE NOSE.
Down in the west country, a certain conceited fellow had a
great nose, so a countryman coming by with a sack of corn
jostled him, saying, your nose stands in my way ; whereupon
the other fellow, with the great nose, took his nose in his hand,
and held it on the other side, saying, a pox on thee, go and be
hang'd.
A MAN CROSSED IN EVERY WAY.
Once there was a company of gypsies that came to a country-
man on the highway, and would needs tell him his fortune ;
amongst other things they bid him assure himself his worst
misfortunes were past, and that he should not be troubled with
crosses as he had been : so coming home, and having sold a
fine cow at the market, he looked in his purse for the money,
thinking to have told his wife, but he found not so much as one
cross in his purse ; whereupon he remembered the words of the
gypsies, and said, that the gypsies had said true, that he should
not be troubled with any crosses, seeing that they had picked his
pockets and left not a cross purse. Whereupon his wife basted
and cudgelled him so soundly that he began to perceive that a
man that had a cursed wife would never be without a cross,
tho' he had never a penny in his purse : and because it waa
winter time, he sat a while by the fire side, and after went to-
bed supperless and pennyless.
THE NINTH ODE OF HORACE.
^From Collins' Miscellanies, 4fo. Bristol, 1762, p. 114 — 1 16.]
Why, rot the Dick \ zee Dundi-y's Peak
Lucks like a shuggard motherin-cake ;
The boughs are ready to tear with snaw.
And the vrawz'd brucks vorget to flaw.
16
A zwingen vrawst ! why, make more vire,
Faggot on faggot lioap, — dost hire ?
Zens we can't make the chimbly wider,
We'll help to make it up with syder.
The dubble jugg — dwon't degg thy head,
What's all the world whim we be dead ?
Zucks fill the cup, we'll drownd all sorrow,
And never thenk about to-morrow.
I'm shower he's right that lives to-da,
Woo'l zeng and dance, and kiss and pla ;
We must giaw auld, thease head graw white.
To pleasure then a long good night.
Now Dick's the time to mind thy sport.
And jovial be the life that's short ;
Horses and hounds by da delight.
And Sail can merry meak thy night.
Whisper the jead, what Sally, vlees,
But her laf tells thee where she is :
In some dark corner, Dick, she'll lurk,
A corner fitting for the wurk.
There will she gee thee all her charms ;
Thou'lt vind a welcome to her arms :
Perhaps she'll za she'll make a naiz,
Don't mind her, Dick, I knaw her ways.
Struggle she may a little while.
Seem crass, and vor the world, wont smile :
She's all thy own, snatch any thing,
And tho' she squeeks, you'll have her ring.
Besides these pieces may be mentioned a Clown's Song, in Brome's
" Songs and otlier Poems," 12mo. Lend. 1661 ; and a Dialogue in the
" Garland of Good Will," reprinted by Percy. See Mr. Russell Smitli's
" Bibliographical List," 1839, p. 18.
THE
BAIRNS LA FOAKS'
I-* r It' f I'l-i
AN ONT BODY ELS-AS BESIDE.
FOr.T YEAR OF OUR LORD
BE TOM TREDDLEHOYLE.
I
I
1
BARNSLEY:
PRINTED BY JOHN RAY, BOOKSELLER, MARKET-HILL.
1811,
CONTENTS.
Fart I .
PAGE
Forend at Book "^
A Dialogue between Tom Toddy an Harry Hatecraft, abaghtTee-
toatal Percesshan at tuck plaice a New-year's day at Bairusla, 4
To George Ferriman, abagbt Chresmas-day Dinner 12
T' Royal Cbresanin 14
Sal Swiveljaw's Answer to Rueben Ruddleputty 19
Advurtisment, Billy Gum an .Tacky Fungus 21
Sayings, &c
aially Muffindoaf's Letter tut Queen abaght t'yung Prince 23
Larnt Foaks an Remai'kable Occurrences at Bairnsla 2-5
Part II.
Hoax Extraordinary '-'^
Sober Ale 35
Peter Priestley "^
" Venice Preserved" 3G
A lonely Road ''^~
A Chapel of Ease <^~
The Unfortunate Grave-digger 37
A Novel Oil-painting '^8
" Poor Thing" ^'^
Musiciil Honours '^^-^
April Fools ''0
THE RECORD -11
OflScers of the Town ^-O
Marriages and Deaths ^'"*
FOREND AT BOOK.
Anuther year, aniither yeai",
Hez cut its stick ! O dear, O dear ! —
But nivver roind, wal we ar here.
Let's meiTy be '. —
— Ta be suar, wot's fuse a grindin ginger, becos we
happan ta be a bit owder ivvery time we get aght a
bed in a mornin ; its no use at all ; but sum foaks
hez gottan a noshan e ther head, at thale mack faal
owd men, an faal owd wimmin : hey, theaze sum
at ah naw vany weel, at's fieatin an wilterin ther
senz ta death abaght it ; an rather then look inta a
sceein glass, thade goa five mile anuther road, all
becos thave gottan a toathre a wrinkles e ther faice,
an a gray hair or two e ther toppins : nah wot an a
silly consarn it is ; cos wot duz it argify wen wir
gottan owd, if wer faices wor wrinkald like a pill-
board, wer heads az gray az a badger tail, a noaze
like a bodkin, a chin like a spaaght-plane, an a nod
tooith it hunt ta keep wer tung in wer maath ; if its
a man a<s a this fashans, theaze not a womman e ten
thaasand al say owt abaght him it luv way ; an if its
a womman, it al be just same wit men, ta be suar;
so ah think its wisely contrived, az't monkey sed tut
jackass, at we ar az we ar, for wid better be faal wen
wir owd then wen wir young, becos we hevant sa long
ta live ta be look't at. Then ah say, be content we
yer senz, an doan't keep grumalin an freatin abaght
yer shaps an yer macks, but toddle on throo't wurld
az streight an az merrily az good times an bad times
al let ye.
Then bless ye all, boath great an small,
An may yo nivver see
A Bailiff in a poor man's hause,
Or the Devil in a tree.
Amen, say I, an a merry Chresam as; an that yo
may donee, fiddle, an sing, an height spice-cake an
cheese till May-day, iz the sublime an spontaineas
wish a mesen. Thus fareweeX, good foaks, till
anuther year.
Yors,
TOM TREDDLEHOYLE.
^' J^HHTIiilLo
A DIALOGUE
BETWEEN
TOM TODDY AN HARRY HATECRAFT,
ABAGHT TEETOATAL PERCESSHAN AT TUCK PLAICE A NEW
YEAR'S DAY AT BAIRNSLA.
Tom Toddy." —
T'last New-year's-day, it afteniooin.
Ah wunder'd wot the duce wor doin,
Sa mouny foaks throo't streets wor goin,
Singin, Strong tea for me !
It's like tliay did; an just wal ah wor it middle a all
this wunderment, up cum Harry Hatecraft we a beak
az red az a Muscovy duck.
Harry Hatecraft. — Wot, thaaze turn'd aght, then,
Tom, same az uther foaks, ta hev a peep at this grand
percesshan.
Tom Toddy.— Hey ta be suar, am like ta be a bairn
same az't rest ; wot iz it all abaght, Harry ?
Harry Hatecraft. — Wha, thare Teetoatal chaps, ta
be suar ; an thare e goin all up an daanet' taane ta let
ibaks look at am, an ta shew them grand meddals at thay
hev raand ther necks.
6
Tom Toddy. — Tf that wor all, thay cuddaut do much
harm ; but it strikes me thare meddal'm an botherin ther
heads we uther foaks' consai-ns ; but thah sez, thare goin
raand't taane ta let foaks look at am, wha its varry funny
if it iz so, for al be heng'd if ah diddant think at furst
seet, at it wor a lot a chaps at wor e cumin throo't
Isle-a-while, for't good a ther healths, —
For all ther faices wor sa pale.
An ivvery leg just like a rail,
Poor things ! tbowt I, wot do thay ail,
Singing, Strong tea for me !
Ah thowt ah sud we lafter bnrst,
Soin az ah saw them three ride t' furst,
For my belief wor, fall thay must.
Singin, Strong tea for me !
Harry Hatecraft. — Nay, lad, ah nivverthowt owt a
that soart, for thay'd pick't three at quiatist horses it
taane for't job ; wha one on am belong'd ta owd Joa, an't
tuther thay trail wattar barrils regiler, so thade carry a
Teetoataller better an safer then onny boddy else. Thay
scamper'd abaght a bit e Cherch-street, when Tim What-
the-ma-call-it wor e goin by we a ale-barril in a wheel-
barraw, becos t'bung flew aght an hit one at horses ovver't
head ; he look't az surly an az fearse az Don Quixote,
did t'chap at wor on it back, an ah beleeve at if id hed a
soard in hiz hand, id a run it reight throo't bung, if he
cud a gottan at it, nobbat just for a soart of a victry like.
ToM Toddy. —
Wha happan he mud, for in ther way
A bung or barril thay wod slay,
Or poor sign post, or brewer's dray,
Singin, Strong tea for me !
Wod the ? hey, an al be bun for it at it wor that bung
7
consarn at freetand them two slaves, at wor e huggin a
blenkit we a likeness on a chap at thay call Matthew
painted on it, for daane it cum slap ontat floor just at
that varry same time.
Harry Hatecraft. — Ah thowt mesen tha wor sa wake,
poor things, thay cuddant get na fartlier ; but chuse
which way it wor, thay shuddant a goan an rowl'd ther
father it muck, for iz hugd them a great deal longer
then thay hug'd him, an niwer wor tired.
Tom Toddy. — Varry true, lad (clapping Harry upon
the shoulder) ; an anuther thing, it happand ta be just
within t' seet at owd Cherch : it wor varry cureas it hap-
pand soa ; thagh may depend on't, it wor nowt but a
warnin to am, for between thee an me an't man it mooin,
theaze Papist chaps ment a good deal ; am not sich an a
fooil but wot ah cud see throo that craft wethaght speck-
teckles ; for wot hed all them banners an emblems ta do
we Teetoatalizm, wethaght it hed been't weshin-day, an
thay wor carryin am abaght to dry ; thay wor affeard, ah
reckan, at foaks shuddant naw oa thay worj hey, but
thay did, an wot thay ment an all !
Harry Hatecraft. — Thart abaght reight, Tom ; nah
if thade a walk't an dun summat like wot am goin ta
menshan, ead a bin sum sense in it. (Here Harry de-
scribes his plan.)
ORDER AT TERCESSHAN.
It frunt, six real Teetoatallers, we red fakes, playin jew-tramps.
An owd womman we a chist a tea on hur head, singin —
This iz a chist a real good tea,
From China strcight it cum ;
He drink it pure, upon me wurd,
Wethaght one drop a rum.
8
A speiTit cask, stuck at top an a powl, we boath't ends aght ; a one
siile on it writtan " Tceloatal telescope ,•" at tuther side
on it, " I've seen throo it."
Sixty men, three deep, we masks on, heightin opium.
Flag — " No Hypocricy." " Success to the revenue, an may it
flourish."
Effigy — Baccus swingin on a galas.
Twelve tenkards canid upside daane.
Six wattar barrils two deep — Teetoatal Lectiuers astride on am,
singin one after anuther —
Wot care I, wot foaks may say ;
It's a rare good wage iz a paand a day ;
A better job ah near wor in,
Then goin up an daane I'eetoatalin.
CHORUS.
Teetoatal ! Teetoatal, hura-a ! liura-a ! ! hura-a ! ! !
Teetoatal! Teetoatal, hura-a! hura-a!!
Teetoatal! Teetoatal, hura-a!
Ten men walkin e files, suckin ice-ickles.
Flag — " Morallity aghtside. Deceit in."
Four wheel-barraws, painted black, an fiU'd we spickits an fawcits.
Three young wimmin a-brest, carryin Tea-pots, wit spaghts e ther
maaths.
Taane pump deck't we laurel, an carried like a sedan, wit followin
inscripshan it frunt, —
Some foaks ah see apein ta be
Teetoatal men this day,
Oh, shame on them, an all sich men,
For Hypocrites ar thay I
Twelve Peniston sheep, we a bunch a wattar cresses a ther heads.
Flag — " Once for ale ah wor a glutton,
But that av left, an tain ta mutton."
Twenty-four men, two deep, we fryin-pans ovver tlier shoolders.
Plan — Sough Dyke.
Muzisshans a mule back, blawin wisals. Am — " Iloneij Well."
Flag — We a green T an a black T a one side, an two Tea-pots ram-
l^ant at tuther.
A Public -hause Sign, " David Death, Whoalsale an Ketail Dealer
e Sperrit!i ;" an writtan across we chalk, —
David Death liv'd in this taane
For more than forty year ;
He kept a noisy public-hause.
An poison'd foaks w e beer :
9
But after this Teetoatal Tom,
For't luv he hed for't Taane,
Wethaght a soard, or ere a gun,
Knock't him an't sign-board daane.
Two lads puUin hop-sieves ta pieces.
Four men we winmills a ther heads.
Flag — " Onny way for a little apple."
A cart-load a brockau pots.
Flag — " A sot, a sot,
Brack ivvery pot."
A Papist we a big sceein glass.
Flag — " We are seen into."
Two men breckin a ale-cask ta pieces.
Three men carryin begs a meil a ther backs.
Flag—" May the luvers of dumplins nivver want dust."
Music, an grand caORVS, —
Come on ! come on ! ye dninkards,
An don't be reelin thear,
But join we uz true sober lads,
An shout " Downfall of Beer."
Sing Wattar ! fal la ral la ral la.
Sing Wattar ! ! fal la ral la.
Sing Wattar ! ! ! fal la ral la ral la.
Sing Wattai- ! ! ! ! fal la ral la.
Thear, nah then, this finishes wot ah call t'waukin con-
sam ; duzant ta think, Tom, sumat a this soart ad a bin
a deal likelier an near't mark then wot thay hed ?
Tom Toddy. — Its capital ; but eaze one consarn thaaze
forgottan.
Harry Hatecraft. — Wot iz it ?
Tom Toddy.— Wha, that big- kettle.
Harry Hatecraft. — My wurd an so ah hev, lad ; nah
that owt to a been abaght it middle at percesshan, an
carried shoolder-height, wit Union-Jack hoisted at top
on't, an all't bal'd-head chaps ther wor it lot goan befoar
it, we tunnils a ther heads, singin —
Here's a kettle, a kettle,
This iz the kettle for me;
All nivver saw sich a kettle.
For brewin a jolly good tea.
10
Tom Toddy. — Good ag'ean, Harry lad ; it sartanly iz
one at .bigist kettles at ivver ah saw e all me life before,
its more like a gassometer then owt else ; thay tell me it
tuck five men a fortnit ta mack it, wurkin az hard az
ivver thay cud wurk ; but wot duz ta think thay did ?
wha thay went an sawder'd t' poor prentice lad up in it
in a mistack, an thear he wor all't r.eet trying ta get up't
side like a black clock in a glaiz'd panshan ; at last he
sat hizsen daane it middle, an ta keep hiz sperrits up
wal thay cum ta let him aght, he sang —
A chap thear wor call'd Jona,
Once, liy'd inside a whale,
Three daize an neets az I am tell'd,
An throo the deep did sail.
But this iz quite a different case,
An duz that wunder settle ;
For here am I, a Tinner's lad,
Made fast up in a kettle.
He wor goin ta be a Teetoataller wor't lad, but we am
doin so at him he woddant at noa price ; he sed id bed
kettle enuff; an wot wor az funny az't lad bein fasand
up it kettle, thay made it so big thay cuddant get it aght
at shop wal thay pull'd door-hoyle daane.
Haury Hatecraft. — Well, nab then, after all this fun
an jokin, Tom, let's just hev a little bit a owd-fashand
tawk abaght this Teetoatalin ; for me awn pairt, eaze
noabdy likes Temperance better then ah do ; az for
druckaness, thears noabdy naws wot that iz better then
ah do, not be experience, Tom ; thagh naws better then
that ; but ah mean ta say av seen plenty on it, an ah
naw this, it brings nowt but poverty an disgrace : it
macks wives an bairns hev thin faices an reg'd cloaze ; it
leaves on meil scores, milk scores, an rent, an a thaasand
uther scores; this iz't fruits a druckaness; so temperance
11
preichin, ah mean ta say, iz a varry good thing, an ah
do think at furst when thay began, thay ment weel ; if
thear vvor a fault belongin to am, it wor, thay wor rather
ta keen, thay wanted to get on ta fast ; nobbat look ah
savige thay wor an ar ageant poor public-hauses an them
at keeps am ; thay want ta knock am daane befoar thay
naw where thay ar ; nah ah doant like this soart a wark ;
" fair play's a jewel." Thave laid sum brass aght e ther
trade same az uther foaks, an hez wives an bairns ta
bring up an hedicate, same az thay hev at wants ta knock
am daane ; e this case, foaks sud look at hoame, preich
Temperance az long as thay like, but do it honor breet.
For,
" 'Tis to thy rules, O Temperance ! that we owe
All pleasures which from health or strength can flow;
Vigour of body, purity of mind,
Unclouded reason, sentiment refined ! "
This iz wot Chandler sez upat subject, an varry good it
iz, ah wish ivvery boddy at reckans ta be temperate wor
az honest az he wor; but am griev'd tut heart on me to
say thay arn't soa; noa, thears ovver menny Hypocrites
crept intat consarn, professin ta be temperate, teetoatal,
an all't rest on it, an thear thay ar pullin faices az long
az band-walks, — fine school-maisters theaze — fine pre-
servaters of the human constitushan ! Hey, hey, but all
ther craft iz seen throo ; an ah do hoape, Tom, at them
at began this consarn, al hoppan ther ees, an tack ther
senz to ther senz, for depend on it the devil's in am,
an thare wearin morality's cloak for no good. Thear,
nah, ah think plenty's bin sed upat subject ; so al finish
we this, —
" Ah wish that man may nivver grow fat,
That carries two faices under one hat."
12
TO GEORGE FERRIMAN,
ABAGHT CHRESMAS-DAY DINNER.*
Ha, George, my lad, ah did feel sad,
An teal's cum iu me ee,
For near befoar did ah feel moar,
Or think sa much a thee !
For, mun, thowt I, a things goan by.
When t'dumplins thay cum in,
Thay wor sa nice an full a spice.
Just thy soart to a pin.
Ah sigh'd, O dear ! if George wor here,
Haw pleaz'd he wod but be,
For near a lad here look't more glad
At Chresmas time then he.
Twice went each plate at railway rate.
Till not a bit wor seen,
Said I, ' By gum, thare sooin all dun,
We've bolted just fifteen ! '
Then smoakin hot cum sich a lot,
Az ah near saw befoar,
A nice rost beef — an my belief
It weigh'd five stone an moar.
But varry sooin, knife, jaw, an spooin.
Began ta wurk away,
An ivvery one, boath owd an young,
Call'd it a glorious day.
* John Nocks, an inmate of the Barnsley Poor-house, and who is supposed to
be the author of tliis epistle, was particularly acquainted with the late George
Ferriman. The annual festival of Roast Beef, Plum-pudding, and Ale, was
anxiously looked for by both of them, but more especially by George, who acted
as chairman, in which capacity he played off no small share of pride.
10
O
Wha, weel thay mud, beef wor sa good,
Ant masht potatiz too.
For nienny a year av near seen here
Not haiif sa grand a doo.
A pint a' ale, boath fine an pale.
For iwery one wor drawn ;
An ah sud think, at stronger drink
It taane wor nivver nawn.
Thowt I nah, then, theaze gentlemen
Hez all behav'd sa weel.
Its nowt but reight, for all this melt,
Ta say ah glad we feel.
So up ah gat, an look't streight at
Am ivrery one it faice ;
But when ah spack, thay tum'd ther back,
An cut reight aght at plaice.
" Stop, stop a bit! don't — don't goa yit! ''
Call'd ah we all me main j
But t'wor na use, for't barley juice
Thay thowt bed tuch't me braine.
So daane ah sat, slap on me hat.
An crush'd it flat tut brim —
Ha wot a job t'wor for me nob ! —
We that ah held me din.
" Nah let uz sup wer ale all up,"
Sed Highland Mary then;
" An drink long life ta bairn an wife
Of ar good gentlemen."*
" Thart reight, ma lass ! raand let it pass,"
Call'd aght George Oxterbe;
" It thay deserve, for when thay carve,
Thay alias cut sa free."
" Ta finish then," sed I mesen,
•' Weve all sa happy been,
Here's luck ta all, boath great an small.
An bless ar gracious Queen."
.JOHN NOCKS.
Back Lain, Dec. 26/, 1840.
* The Overseers of the Poor are here meant.
B
T" ROYAL CHRESANIN.
Mally Muffindoap. — Nah, ah duz ta like the tea,
Bess ?
Bess Bjumstone. — Wha it's capetal, Mally ; better
nivver ran aght ov a pot. Whot prise did ye goa to,
prey a ?
Mally Muffindoaf. — Wha, ta speak't truth, ah did-
dant goa to a prise at all, for't Queen sent me two paand
an a great lumpin piece a spice-cake daane throo Lunan
yisterday aflernooin,
Bess Brimstone. — My wurd, Mally, but yo'l begin ta
think noa small bear a yersen if that's t' caise.
Mally Muffindoaf. — Nay, bairn; hav noa pride
abaght me, nor nivver bed.
Bess Brimstone. — Ah sud think it al bi't same soart
at Queen uses at ther awn hause ; if it iz, it al be vvurth
a guinea a paand, al be bun for't; wor it mix't ?
Mally Muffindoaf. — Ts^oa, it wor all black.
Bess Brimstone. — Then it's what thay call gunpaader ?
Mally Muffindoaf. — Well, then, wi'll put anuther
spooinful in, an it may blaw't lid off if it likes. Nab,
reich too, Bess, wilta, an get a bit a that spice-cake, an
put a drop moar rum e the cup, do, an dount need sa
much invitin.
15
Bess Brimstone. — Nay, ]Mally, ah darant venter na
moar am suar, for ah feel like a gooise nick't it head nah;
al hev a bit moar curn cake just for't sake a where its
cum'd throo.
Mally Muffindoaf — Hey do, lass, an mack the sen
at hoame; mun, thar az welcome az't flaars e May, or els
ah woddant a ax't tha. Dnz ta naw, av bin full a thowt
all this blessed day abaght t'chresanin at yung Princess.
Bess Brimstone. — It's near trubbald me a bit, for
wots it onny moar then a poor boddy's barn, ah sud like
ta naw ?
Mally Muffindoaf. — Wha, wir all one same az
anuther, it's true, as far as flesh an blood goaze ; but when
a King or a Queen's put ovver us, we owt ta look up to
am, an feel pleaz'd at we live in a country where thay
ar; for thagh may depend on't, if it worrant soa, we sud
bi't same az't toad wit harrow teeth, all maisters ; soa we
sud respect an think weel a ther childer, becos when ther
father an rauther deeze, thale hev ta wear ther craans, an
bi't same az thay wor. Nah, al just put it it shap on a
parrable, an bring it hoame to a bodiz sen : suppoasin
yor J onny an thee wor boath ta be laid low, an all yor
bairns left ta fend for thersenze az weel az thay cud, an
yor Bill at's twenty year owd sud reckan to carry 't hause
on ; for a bit all ad goa on reight, an then t'gam ad be-
gin ; .Jack ad hev knock't posnit ovver and scolded Sally;
Ben ad hev druckan al't milk, an Jack ad hev thrawn a
stoan throo Tom Paine window; Bess ad hev fagottan ta
bray't sand an fill't tea-kettle; Harry ad hev brockan his
leg we tumalin aght av a cherry-tree ; Mary ad hev hur
hair az long az a foil tail, an all hur stockin heels aght;
Sally or Peggy, sumady or anuther, ad be call'd in tu
16
mack a bit a bread, an steal hauf at doaf ; Tom an Ned
ad be feightin end ovver end, an tearin all't cloaze off a
ther backs ; Billy ad be gettin tut sugar-basin, an Fanny
woddant skawer't flooar for a munth ; dinner ad nivver
be gottan reddy at reight time, becos it ad all be hetan
affoar hand ; t'vveshin-day ad be just when it happand ;
Simon ad be goin tut pop-shop wit quilts an blenkets, an
ivvery thing else, wal ther wor nawther reg nor stick left
it hause. Then ta finish off we, thade all be grown up
ta men an wimmin, wethaght ivver goin tut skoil for a
bit a hedication, or hevin larnt a trade, an then ead be
nowt but t'warkhause starin am it face to goa too ; nab,
we sud all be just a this fashans, if we worrant ruled an
guvarn'd just az we ar.
Bess Brimstone. — My wurd, Mally, yo mud a bin
browt up at a boardin-skoil yo can talk so, yor quiat a
dab hand it poletickle way ; if ivver ther wor ta be a
member a parlement wanted for Bairnsla, yo owt ta be
sent am suar, Maliy.
Mally Muffindoaf. — Thagh may talk, Bess, but de-
pend on't, wot av sed iz sumwhere abaght mark.
Bess Brimstone. — Yor raither ta far larnt, Mally, for
me ; but ah do think at yond yungist lass a ar Joaze ad
mack az good a Queen az shoo will, shooze't bonnyist
an't sensableist bairn at ivver wor born.
Mally Muffindoaf. — Wot agraprovokin nonsense
thagh duz tawk, Bess ; thagh gets maggin we that Sal
Socialist, wal thagh hates t'seet a ivvery boddy at's a bit
heigher it wurld then thesen.
Bess Brimstone. — Yo mud be a witch, Mally, for
shoo cums inta ar hause, an if shooze seen onny boddy
we a deacenter coit on then thare Jack hez, or a better
17
gaane an cap then hersen, shoo calls am a shame'd ta be
head ; shooze goan on a that fashans, wal al be heng'd if
I amat homast az bad az shoo iz hersen.
Mally MuFFiNDOAF. — Thai nivver do no good we sich
cumpany az hurs am suar, an sooiner thagh cuts hur an
better, nah tack my ward for it. Ha, Bess, just look at
that clock ! if weve bin a minnit gettin wer tea, wiv bin
two haurs; let's tak't things away, an burn a bit a braan
paper ta tak't smell at rum off affoar onny boddy pops in.
Bess Brimstone. — Hey, time goaze weather owt else
duz or noa ; av navvn menny a time when Sal Socialist
hez bin at ar hause tellin her tales, its bin 12 o'clock e
noa time, then aght shood run intat market ta bye sum
potatiz or a bit o' stake for dinner.
Mally Muffindoaf. — Thear nah, then, Bess, w'ill
hev a drop a cum fat, lass, an injoy wer senze, as we owt
ta do. Thagh duz smook, ah think ?
Bess Brimstone. — Hey, an ah wish bacca wor a gui-
nea a naance, for it costs me fourpence haupenny a week
az regelar as't week cums.
Mally Muffindoaf — (taking up her glass.) — Cum,
ears good health tut Queen, an wishin her long life an
happiness.
Bess Brimstone. — Wot ar thay goin ta call this
bairn, then ^
Mally Muffindoaf. — Wha, if ah reckalect reight, it
al be chresand Victoria T^ouisa Adelaide ; an't wattar at
thay chresand it we, cum all't way throot rivier Jordan
in a stoan bottle.
Bess Brimstone. — Iz it possable '• Wha, nah, doaii't
yo think at wattar aght at Sough Dyke, or .fonny Pick-
erin pump, ad just a dun az weel P
18
Mally MuFFiNDOAF. — Wot, thavt beginnin athe rade-
cal tawk agean ; gie az a song, an let's hear na more on't.
Bess Brimstone. — Nay, Mally, ah think we suddant
sing, foaks al say wir boath drunk if ah do; but, am-
sumiver, al try.
Thear wor a little curly dog
Once bark't at Missis Hick ;
O, fie ! sed shoo, you saucy dog,
That iz a naughty trick.
Chorus.
That iz a naughty trick,
That iz a naughty trick ;
O, fie ! sed shoo, you saucy dog,
That iz a naughty trick.
Nay, Mally, yo mun help me a bit it chorus, or else ah
sal nivver be able ta get on am suar.
Mally Muffindoaf. — Wha, bairn, av lost all me
teeth, but al do me goodist ta pleaze the ; so nah goa
on agean.
Bess Brimstone. —
God save ar Jack an me,
May we near live ta see
Ar chimley fall !
Mally Muffindoaf. — Nay, Bess, give ower, prethe,
for thart singin a galemavvfra nah. Wha, here's yor Sal
cumin full cut ; wot's amiss, ah wonder ?
Sal. — Tell Bess Brimstone ta cum hoam derecktly, her
grommuther's tumald t'ead furst intat peggy tub, an thay
caant get hur aght.
Bess Brimstone. — Thear, its time ta goa, nah, for
thears alias sumat amiss when a boddy leaves ther awn
hause a toathrea minnits ; yor like ta excuse me, Mally,
soa good neet.
Mally Muffindoaf. — Good neet, Bess, an be suar the
doant goa past Nell Slippytung's hause ; for if ta duz, an
shoo seeze the we that red faice, shool tell all't taane om-
mast, at thah cuddant walk ardly for bein so and so-
19
SAL SWIVELJAWS ANSWER TO RUEBEN
RUDDLE PUTTY,
Dear Rueben,
Bairnsla, May 6t, 1840,
Eaze not a lass it wurld beside
Feels hauf sa praad az me,
Becos am goin ta leav me plaice,
Ta liv an dee we thee.
Ha, all wor in a tackin, Rueben, when thy letter cum, ah diddant
naw wear ivver ta get to ta read it ardly, cos av bin plaig'd soa wit
tuther sarvant-lassas ; thare alias agate a callin me Missis Ruddle-
putty, an axin me wear Rueben iz ; but when thay begin a sayin soa,
ah alias set up a singin —
O, me Rueben ! lovly Rueben !
Rosy cheeks an sloe-black hair;
When by hiz side I am waukin,
The wurld then seeze a happy pair.
This macks am mad, cos ah doant think at thcaze a younsf chap cums
ta see onny on am, an thay doant naw wot ta do we thersenz becos av
gottan a sweetheart. Am glad thah went tut cherch ta hear't Parson
reed t'spurrins ovver ; ha, ah sud a like't to a goan mesen, but it wor-
rant my Sunday aght; but for all that, Rueben luv, ah diddant faget
ta think abaght boatb t'spurrins an thee; ah felt one at happyist wim-
min alive, nobbat ah wor a little bit daane at times, ta think wot an a
b£id job it wor ta loise t'size at ring, for it weant do for me ta measure
me finger nah am suar, for av just bin weshin a fortnit's wesh, an me
finger's az thick az a cloaze-peg; but av bin thinkin at top-end a yor
bellas-spaght al just bit size to a minit, cos ah measured it just for a
bit a nonsense t'last time at ah wor at yor hause. Me weddin-cloaze,
thah mun naw, thare all made, an az nice az hands can mack am, an
thare it furst fashan too ; Mistriss Greenbobbin shooze bin wurkin day
an neet at am, rather then dissapoint me ; me bonnets a Turkey red,
trim'd we white saltan ribban, an it inside at neb eaze sum artefishal
roses; am suar, when thah seeze me, Rueben, thai say,
" A rose-tree, in full bearin,
Iz nowt cumpair'd ta me."
Then me gaane its a deep brimstan coloiu", we leg-a-mutton sleeves,
an six flaances raand t'bottom, an a red waist-band, an a vandyke
collar, an a pair a green Victorea booits ; bless the, av hed all't young
lassas it taane nearly ta look at am ; an theal be sich an a craad that
ttiornin ■nir wed, az niwer wor seen at a fair ardly, Thah duzant say
owt abaght oaze ta be t'owd father, Rueben, but ah think thah caant
do better then ax Jim Guileford, cos eaze an owd crony a thine, an a
bit ov a sweethart a Bess Butterlips, an shooze goin tabi't bride's-maid.
20
Nail, then, Rueben, thah tawks abaglit the domestic habits, —
Wha, mun, ah laft till boath me sides
Thay crac-k't like thawin ice,
Ta find thah wor sa varry fond
A sheep tail, eggs, an rice.
Nah, Rueben luv, doant think at am matkin gam, cos av bits a fan-
cys e that way a me awn ; for sin av grown up a woman, av gottan
varry fond a nanny-goat milk an suit dumplins, a sheep head cut inta
stakes, fat cake we a bit a nutmeg gratcr'd in it. fish-broth sweetand
we trakle, an a raw onion ta bite at ta me tea. Theaze anuther thing,
Rueben, ah shaant like ta give up mo young tricks an ways all at
wunce ; ah sal want ta goa tut feast wunce a year an stop a week, an
goa to a doncin, an a tea-drinkin nali an then, an stan at yard-end at
Sundays ta sre't Chei'ch lowse, an look at foaks' dresses; an when ah
goa tut pump for wattar, if theuze onny boddy thear at ah naw, ah
shall like ta stop an tawk we am a bit abaght owd affairs. But theaze
anuther thing, Rueben, at ah think on moar then all them, an that iz,
ah hoape thaal mack me a good huzband, an not cum hoam drunk at
neets ta breck pots, an strike me, cos if ta duz. am snar ah sal mack
away we mesen varry sooin, cos ah caant stand ta be struck, nor frumt
nawther, nor nivver cud ; beside —
Ah think a man at hides hiz wife,
He owt ta be transported for life.
That's wot ah think ; but am not affread, Rueben, a thee doin owt a
that soart, cos am suar thah naws better.
Nah, then, look aglit ta-morrow afternooin for Peter Pitkinpeg's
mule an cart, cos eze goin ta bring a toathre a things for't hause :
theaze a whiteninpot, two rowlin pins, a tinder-box, panshan, fender
an fire-irans, a stump bedstid, a sceeia glass, a coil-hammer, a rockin
chair, a bit a carpet for't bed-side, a creddle at ah wor rock't in, an a
boolder ta bray sand we. Nah be suar an look aght, Rueben, as ah
naw weel enuf at all't naboi's al cum aght gapein an starein, ta see
wot thear iz it cart. Thear, nah then, ah conclude, wishin the all't
best wishes at ah can think on. Excuse all folts.
Me pen iz bad, me ink iz pale.
Me luv ta tliee shall nivver fail ;
For Rueben iz me awn true luv,
Me lark, me duck, me turtle duv.
Stop, ah forgottan ta say at them verses a tliine, ha thay wor nice an's; ah thowt
ah woddant be behint hand we summat at soart mesen, soa ah gat Sammy Strap-
jacket t'skoil-maister ta write me sum, an am suar thah caant but say at thare
varry suteable. — One bell, ah think, al be plenty, an ah think it sud tinkle wal
abaght four a clock it afternooin. An w'ill ware abaght Iiatif a craane e humbugs
an spice marables, ta squander amangt foaks an't childer az we cum aght at
cherch; this ah think al do varry weel, an al be plenty, for wots t'use a uz squan-
derin wir bit a brass, we doant naw wot we may want befoar we dee.
Thy ivvtr faithfull Luver,
SAL SVVIVELJAW.
21
[ADVURTISMENT.]
BILLY GUM AN JACKY FUNGUS
Begs ta say moast patickelerly, at thave just set up a India
Rubber Chimley Manefactary, at Ovvd Taane, an thave a
lot just nah reddy made, an them at wants onny, thay may
depend on it thale find am t'grandist consarns at ivver wor
nawn, an just the thing for't Ackt a Parlement for doin
away we Chimley-Sweeps, for when thay get sooit in, thay
can be turn'd inside aght we az much eaze az a owd woman
can turn a stockin ; beside, thay nivver spoil't inside at
hauses we smookin, for e windy weather thay wabble abaght
soa, t'wind caant find t'road in at top. T'follain iz a list
at soarts an't prizes : —
Steam Ingan Chimley, 60 yardslong an3 inches thick. .Nine
Paand.
Set-Pot Do. 9 fut long, made we a elbow . . Five an Sixpance
fardin<j.
Cottidge Hauses Do. 3 fut long . . Seven ana Haupny fardin.
One ta turn raand a comer, an wurk on a swival. .Eight an
Ninepance.
Blacksmith Shops Do. dubble mill'd . . Ten Shilltn.
Flews for warmin Cherches. .TAree an Sixpance three far-
dins a yard.
Brick Ovans Do.. .Four an Fourpance.
Tack Noatis. — All theaze thare warranted ta stand wurl-
winds, hurekins, rain, hail, snaw, frost, fogs, sun, thunar an
leetnin, or owt else, it macks na diflPerance wot it iz.
Them at wants onny sud apply e time, for boath t'Mais-
ters, yol understand, thare aboon seventy J ear owd, an
when thay dee, theal not be anuthcr Cliimley made.
Tickets ta get ta see ovver't wurks can be gottan a Jonny
Noggs, it Back-lane. Its a great cureossaty, al assure ye,
an weel wurth seein -, an t'man at made this grand an wun-
derfull diskovery, wor teed up in a seek three days an three
neets studdyin abaght it. This varry same man al shew ye
raand t'plaice, an all't things at hiz made.
22
Theaze a Wheelbarraw, Laidiz Bussal, Umbrella, Grid-
iraii, Dutch Oven, Throsal-Caige, Grinal-stan, Dumpliii-
Moiild, Pinciisliii), Peggy Tub, Legs, Arms, an Noazes,
Man-Trap, Wig, Cart-Saddle, Cowl-Rake, Howlin Pin,
French Horn, Fiddle, an a oal lot moar things beside.
Friints a Ilanse's, garrit height, Indian RubharJ. . T/irfe
Paaiid Ton Shillin.
Draw Wells lined. .A Pciiinj Fcirdin a fut.
Tnrnap Rowlers. . Two Punnd a piece.
Miik Chei'ns. .Eight Shillin.
rig Tro^ii. .Five an Ninepnnce.
Strait .Tatkits, six scoar tut hundarJ, az low az . . Fouf
Pnand Tirclir.
N. B. — Good Wurkmen, awther bow-leg'd. tup-shin'd,
pincer-toad, nock-a-kneed, hump-back't, ry-neck't, or
onny uther shap at foaks ma fancy, sent all ovver England,
Slawit, Shelly-Benk-Botham, Toad-Hoyle, Jimaca, t'North
Powl, Siberia, an all uther pairts at t'wurld beside, we all
possable despatch, in a minit's noatis.
BILLY CxUM. 7 ^aisters
.TACKY FUNG US, J ^^^aisters.
RALF RATCHIT, Overlooker.
SAM STRETCHIT, Bookkeeper.
LUKE LIKELEATHER, Rider-aght.
NED XIVERBRECK, For.man it back
Shop.
Oivd Taanc, April Is/, 1841.
SAYINGS, &c.
Short yet, sed Shaw, when he shot at mooin.
Smile agean, bright eve, az Senior sed tut tup.
Spotted an spangled, like Joazy Addy devil.
Quiatuoss iz"t best, sed Toabe, when he wor put upat fire.b; cV.
Stop, stand, sed Dicky Totty, when he bur'd t'cart- wheel we hiz hat.
Shooze az saucy az a dogs hairy, sez Matty Gabs.
AVipc the noaze we a wliisp a straw, sez Jonny VAW.
MALI.Y MUFFINDOAF'S
ABAGHT T'YUNG PRINCE.
MiSTRISS QlEEN,
My wtird, lass, hut yor goin on't reight way ta
hev a liause full a childer ; but, iiivver mind, ah hoape yor middlin,
an't little yung King an all. Do ye naw, am sa pleas'd at yov gottan
it ovver sa nicely, ah doant naw whereivver ta put mesen ardly.
That day at news wor browt ta Bairnsla, ah cut up an daane't taane
like sumady at wor soft, an av noa daght at lots a foaks thowt soa ;
wha vo ma think wot soart on a tackin ah wor in, when ah ran slap
agean a gass-poast an made me noaze bleed e all derekshans, an brack
me bonnit neb clean off, an smash't me speckteckles inta az menny
pieces az thear iz pebbles it owd dyke ; but this didant stop me, for
ah went all up an daane't main streets, an't Dog-lane, Pinfowd-hill,
Jonny Batty yard, I'Xook, Boslam-square, an Amen comer, tellin
foaks at yod gottan a lad ; sum wor pleaz'd, an shaghted fit ta rive
ther throits ; uthers went on shamefully, an sed sich things, nay, it
ad be a sin for me ta say wot thay did, boath abaght yo an yer huz-
band ; ah wundi^r thay worrant freetand at owd lad fetchin am befoar
mornin. Just when ah gat hoam agean, in cum Peggy Pratewell full
cut ta tell me at yod gottan yer bed, thinkin ah diddant naw, an shoo
began a doncin an capcrin abaght t'hause for joy ; ah thowt, for suar,
shood be splintem t'blade-boane on her big toe, an nowt else. Just
when shood dropt it, an rear'd bersen agean't set-pot ta get her wind.
24
t'owd Cherch-bells began a ringin like heigo mad, an thear thay kept
at it wal midneet, and ta speik't truth ah wor reight scaard ; thay kept
firin am soa, me an Peggy ran aght we ar cloaze-line, an teed it raand
steeple, far all niwer egspected na uther but wot thade a split it throot
top tut bottom ; az it wor, t'clapper belongin tut big bell flew off, an
went reight bang throot clock-faice just where t'figure a nine wor, an
sent long hanal tut far comer a lun wood, an thear, am teld, it MU'd
a magpie, an't small point stuck fair intat rooit on a dog daizy. —
Theaze iz abaght all't patickelers at av time ta menshan at present;
after a while ah mean ta write to ye agean, if am spaird, an gie ye a
bit a my advise hah ta bring t'lad up. Nab, if yo feel onny weze
poarly like, an caant sit up e bed, get yor husband ta reed this letter
for ye, but be suar an doant let him reed it up ta heigh, for't least
noize it wurld for't furst fortnit iz enuff ta distract onny womman
ats e yor way. Nab, ah hoape yol excuse me for writin to ye ; an at
same time, ah wish ta say, am varry much obleig'd to ye, for't spice -
cake an't tea at yo sent me, e honorashan at chresanin at yung Prin-
cess. An, depend on it, yol alias find me, wal iTver theaze a hare
grows in a mule tale, one a yor best an faithfuUist subjects.
So, beleeve me ta be, niwer forsakin, yors for ivver,
MALLY MUFFINDOAF.
But, stop. — Ad ment ta menshand befoar, at ah think them childer
caps, at ah sent ye t'last year, al be ta little for't lad ; macks me think
so, becos lads, nineteen times aght a foar-an-twenty, hez bigger heads
nor lasses ; but if thay sud, yo can sooin let a little bit in at back
side. An be suar an doant faget ta stitch abaght two sqwai'e inches a
fine flannil it inside, alias when yo chainge it cap, becos theaze a soft
place at top a childer heads, an if they catch coud thear, poor little
darlins, it fills am full a all soarts a cumplaints, an macks am squint;
nay, av nawn menny a one e my time ats lost ther senses wit nurses
neglectin that varry thing. An anuther thing, be suar an be varry
patickeler e teUin t'nurse ta alias put t'wot-the-ma-call-it away (yo
naw wot ah mean), for when ar little dick wor nobbat three week owd,
he rowl'd reight off at bed-side once when ah wor asleep, an bed az
near bin draanded as cud be ; but ivver after that, av hed a sheep-net
fasand all't way raand t'bed, an ah sud like yo ta hev sumat at soart
yersen, ah sud indeed, lass, for ah su.l be varry sorry ta hear a onny
acksident happanin tut yung Prince.
25
LARNT FOAKS AN REMARKABLE OCCURRANCES
AT BAIRNSLA.
(con TIN ID AN ENDED.)
ANNO.
It latter end a' this year, a chimley gat a fire, an
Frenk Flareaway put a slate at top, so az't blaize
muddant skellar't mooin 1G80
Paul Packsaddle's mule, after livin an waukin abaght
aboon a hundard year we a wood leg, deed at jaun-
dice ; an wot wor remarkable, it ears wor sa long,
at when thay wor laid flat on it back, tip ends
tutch't stump-end on it tail 1700
Cloaze-pegs furst invented HOa
Rueben Ribgrass gat up in hiz sleep ta maw a fish-
pond 1704.
It same year, a dicky-dunack we two tales wor seen
e Betty Bell pear-tree.
Will Windpipe, it prezance a three thaasand foaks,
back't hiz sen ta eight thissals agean a jack-ass,
an, to ther astonishment, he bet it be thirty nips.
King George, hearin tell a this extrordianary feat,
made him a preasant on a soard-fish ; it wor sich
an a length, it wor two daize an a neet e goin
throo't taane 1780
Tom Treddlehoyle's great gronfather discover'd at
a squirril-tail an't back-bone on a creckit wor
boath jointed alike 1800
T'END.
(Scarlet Runners.)
THE
BARNSLEY AND VILLAGE
OK, THE
JBOOK OF FACTS AND FANCIES,
FOR THE YEAR 184 1.
BY NED NUT.
HOAX EXTRAORDINARY.
The gullibility of poor John Bull is proverbial; and
perhaps it is as conspicuously seen in the eagerness to
purchase the trash which is daily coming out in the shape
of Panaceas, for every malady to which our poor frail
bodies are continually exposed, as in any thing else.
But in this particular view, there should seem to be some-
thing like a venial plea; for who, when suffering under
acute bodily disease, is not tempted to catch at any re-
medy which holds out a chance of relief? Perhaps,
however, a more clever hoax upon English credulity was
never played off, than in the following instance about to
be narrated, of which Barnsley was the selected scene.
Early on the Saturday previous, the town was industri-
ously placarded with the following announcement : —
"Unrivalled Feat!!! — M.S. Von de Bughie, the celebrated
German aquatic, begs leave to inform the Ladies and Gentlemen of
Banisley, that on jMouday, the 16th October instant, at half-past four
o'clock in the afternoon, he intends displaying his wonderful and
novel feat of walking upright on the surface of the water*, from the
Wliarf at the Old Mill to the Aqueduct, and back again, with no other
* " M. S. Von de B. deems it unnecessary to load the limited space of a hand-
bill with any disquisition on the nature of his performance, or with any abstruse
mathematical calculation on the eflPect and operation of solids when brought in
contact with fluids ; but begs to state to the scientific and curious, that he has
on sale a number of copies of a publication by himself and Dontsapie (an eminent
German philosopher), containing a luminous exposition of the theory of tliii
surprising feat."
30
assistance than a pair of small cork shoes, winch will not be wet above
the soles, on which occasion he earnestly invites every admirer of
genuine science and agility to witness the above iinparallelled exhibi-
tion, which has excited the wonder and astonishment of assembled
thousands, both in England and on the Continent. M. S. Von de B.
will wait personally upon the inhabitants on the following morning,
and contidently relies upon their liberality. M. S. Yon de B. hopes
the authorities of the town will use their best endeavours in maintain-
ing order on the occasion, inasmuch as his performance in other places
has invariably drawn together an immense concourse of spectators."
Mcany and various were the rumours and surmises re-
specting botli the man and his performance. Some few,
wishing-, no doubt, to appear wiser than their neighbours,
readily admitted its possibility, and pretended they had
often seen a similar feat performed in other places ; whilst
others were manifestly dumb-struck ; and the announce-
ment furnished a tit-bit for discussion among the knowing
ones. At length Monday arrived ; lots of parties were
made up, and appointments ratified. Every favourable
concomitant seemed adapted to enhance the relish of the
coming bait, — slack trade, Monday an idle day, concert
in the evening, occasional sermons, &c. &c. ; beside which,
the day was beautifully fine, the sun shining with all
" his majesty" on the gently-rippled water ; the air salu-
brious, though somewhat cool : in short, there was a
simultaneous resolve to have a holiday ; the warehouses
were all closed, the schoolmasters dismissed their scho-
lars, the collieries stood still, the weavers left their looms,
the old women their tea, and all labour and business were
suspended ; even the Quakers rose from their deliberations
(for it was their monthly meeting at Barnsley) an hour
before the usual time, to be present at the feat.
The Wharf (as stated in the placard) is admirably
situated for a joke of the sort ; it is on the Barnsley canal.
31
at the foot of the very steep hill at the entrance to the
town from Wakefield, affording every facility for the in-
habitants of Barnsley, Worsbro', Gawber, Darton, &c., on
the one side; and Burton, Carlton, Roystone, Staincross,
&c., on the other, to gratify their curiosity. Amazing to
say, the canal-bridge, immediately adjoining the wharf,
was secured and possessed, three deep, by half-past two
in the afternoon, being two hours before the time fixed
for the performance; and from that time to half-past
four, dense masses of people continued to pour down the
two hills, until the banks of the canal on each side, from
the bridge to the aqueduct, a distance of about 500 yards,
were crowded to excess ; the very trees, too, in the line
were topful ; and, by four o'clock, the warehouse-windows
of Mr. Twibell were well stocked with the smiling coun-
tenances of young ladies, surmounted by polite and un-
assuming young gentlemen. The counting-house, too,
which commanded an excellent view of the whole line of
the canal, and which might have been erected for the
purpose of minute observation, or making " mathematical
calculations," was brimful of philosophers and the literati.
Every little eminence, such as casks of sugar, herrings,
treacle, &c., piles of flags, and logs of wood, in the wharf,
"Was kept warm by anxious groups. The dunghills, which
had been erected without the stables of the wharf, and
which, of course, would not have been preferred on ordi-
nary occasions, were now grateful elevations; several
persons sat at the top of a crane, at great risk and per-
sonal inconvenience ; nay, even the top of a leetle build-
ing, which is generally situated at the extremity of the
domicile, was no ' bad eminence' on this occasion. Thus
were they situated, each warning his bystander to keep his
32
place, and prevent, if possible, the invasion of new comers.
Some were wagering considerable sums of money on the
possibility and impossibility of the thing — others discuss-
inga knotty problem in hydrostatics — others thrusting and
blustering to obtain front places, — whilst others were bu-
sily engaged in placing string or wire over the canal, in
order to trip up Biir/hic, if he attempted any imposition.
At length, the appointed hour arrived. The scene was
truly animating ; ciffht thousand people, at least, having
by this time assembled on the banks of the canal, with
their eyes fixed in profound silence on the wharf, from
whence DeBughie was to take the loater. Alas! there
was no De Bugliie ; no person seemed to know anything
of such a being ; he had not been seen in the town ; he
liad not arrived by the mail ; there was no coach from
Sheffield ; "he must," reasoned they, " fulfil his engage-
ment." A reviving rumour Hew along the banks, that
the mail had j^assed a post-chaise at Chapeltown, con-
taining a very singular-looking person ; that of course
was the man. Two hours elapsed since the mail came
in ; the singular-looking man had had plenty of time to
arrive; " O, he could not be long!" And again the
8,000 see-gulls composed themselves with a little more
patience. Another rumour was shortly circulated, that
he had arrived in the town, and would be down directly.
This was also very refresliing. They waited anxiously,
but he did not arrive. At length, many thinking they
might safely leave the clamp bank of the canal, and walk
about the fields to warm themselves a little before De
Bughie arrived, did so, having first made covenants with
the bystanders to restore their places if he came. They
were soon recalled, by a heavy dash in the water. All
33
the stragglers hurried down to the canal like so many
sheep when assailed by a dog. At this moment there
was a great confusion; the individuals who had strayed
from their places endeavoured in vain " to compel a spe-
cific performance of the contract." " Bughies in ! " " He's
coming ! " reverberated along the banks. Alas ! on closer
examination, it was found to be — not De Bughie — but,
a great sheep-dog ! The church-clock now struck half-
past five, and the patience of the crowd began to flag.
A small skiff, soon after, was seen sailing up the canal,
which was supposed to contain the person of De Bughie ;
but which in fact was occupied by several persons, who
would rather not have had anything to do with the sequel.
As they skimmed past the lime-kilns, some mischievous
fellow threw a large piece of lime-stone into the water,
at a little distance from the skiff ; this was instantly res-
ponded to from the opposite bank, and the attack was
kept up from each side until the sailors were not only
wet through, but obliged to row to the side, greatly to
the amusement of the spectators.
The assembly now began gradually to retire, like so
many schoolboys, who, having undergone some bitter
disappointment, would rather not, if possible, give any
watery evidence of their mortification ; so they endea-
voured to laugh. Some consoled themselves by saying,
with a forced smile, " Well, I did not think that I had
such a bump of gullibility ;" others said, in a more re-
monstrating tone, " I am clean done ! " others, looking
about, exclaimed, " But this is a capper !" whilst others,
with sad countenances, silently stole off without making
any audible demonstration of their feelings. Some few,
not being able to persuade themselves they were gulled.
34
continued to lurk about the banks until tlie green mea-
dows, the windings of the canal, the auspicious wharf,
and the beautiful scenery around, were all enshrouded
in cheerless gloom. What became of the ladies and gen-
tlemen in the warehouse, or the literati in the counting-
house, we are unable to say ; but the reasonable and fair
conclusion is, that they quitted their retreat before mid-
night, the young and old gentlemen and ladies mutu-
ally preferring to walk separate, and each party careful
(as they ascended the steep hill homewards) not to at-
tach the slightest blame to the other ; and thus 8,000
persons, or thereabouts (philosophei-s and literati inclu-
sive), reached home practically wiser than they were the
Monday previous.
Gree7i P's (Peas.)
35
SOBER ALE.
A COLMER living at Crane-Moor, finding that several
neighbours around him were in the habit of brewing their
own ale, mentioned the fact to his wife, who at once
agreed that they would do tlie same, " an hev a drop a'
drink in't hause az weel az them ;" accordingly a strike
of malt was forthwith purchased; and the husband, on
going to his work on the following morning, left his
better half busily making preparation for brewing, — a job,
mind you, which she never had before engaged in. At
night home comes Johnny, big with the idea of being
master of some strong ale, and quickly to the brewing-
tub he marches. Finding it full — nothing short of 18
gallons — Johnny, with a countenance marked with disap-
pointment, still quite in good humour, turned to his
fatigued wife, and said, " Al tell the wot, lass, ah think
thaaze made ta much on't." " Well, av bin thinkin soa
mesen, an av thrawn a kit-full aght."
PETER PRIESTLEY.
This eccentric and witty character lived about the year
1790; he was clerk, sexton, and grave-stone cutter at the
Parish Church of Wakefield, and was well known by
many of the inhabitants now living. Dr. Amory, a cele-
brated contemporary, was particularly partial to Peter,
and often affably loitered to enjoy a chat. The Doctor's
jokes and Peter's wit were wery amusing to those who
were fortunate enough to be near these Wakefield worthies
when they met together. One day, as Peter was laying
down a grave-stone in the old church-yard, the Doctor,
36
who was coming' by, stopped as usual to greet his old
friend, but found a great deal of fault with the cutting
and setting out of the letters ; Peter, who had apparently
taken no notice of what had been said, at last turned up
his face, and, with a countenance as grave as his profes-
sion, observed, " I'll tell ye what. Doctor, ye've na 'casion
to find na fault, for I've cover d a many a' yere blunders."
^'VENICE PRESERVED."
In days of yore when the plays of Shakspeare were much
thought of by all classes in Barnsley, one of the managers,
on taking his usual morning-walk before the rehearsal,
was accosted by a comic-featured dame, " If yo pleaze,
Mestur Huggins, wot's t'play goin ta be ta neet ? " " As
you like it, ]Mally," was the tragedian's reply. " Thenk
ye, sur, am suar yor varry good," responded Mally, and
away she went to her husband, who was standing at the
door waiting' her return. " Ha, wot an a nice't man,"
said she, " yon Mestur Huggins iz, he sez at play's ta be
' az we like it.' " " Duz he ?" said Johnny, " then run
after him, an tell him, w'ill hev ' Venus presarved an't
plot discuver'd.' " Off went Mally at the top of her speed,
and overtook Mr. H. by the bank, " If yo pleaze, ar Jonny
an me hez made up az minds ta hev ' Venas persarv'd
an't pot uncover'd.' " This unexpected patronage for a
moment put Mr. H. to a nonplus ; but recollecting the
conversation he had had just before, he burst out into a
hearty laugh, at the close of which he gravely replied,
" Very well, Mally," and back again she trotted, taking
it for granted that her request was complied with ; but
whether Mally or .Johnny went to see, or to taste, Venus
preserved, it is not recorded.
37
A LONELY ROAD.
A BOY who had g-one from Barnsley to Pontefiact, to
receive some money, during one of the short days in win-
ter, did not arrive at home again till late at night ; his
master, fearful that something had beflillen him by the
way, said, "Well, John, I'm very glad you have come;
did you meet any body on the road ? " " Noa, sur," said
the lad, extending his winkers, and looking as lively as
a bee, " ah nivver met we a livin soul all't way, nobbat
two carts."
A CHAPEL OF EASE.
Two rustics in the west country went to a place of wor-
ship, called a chapel of ease ; after they had sat a con-
siderable time, out went one of them in a great hurry,
which appeared to astound the congregation. On getting
outside the door, the dog-whipper, as he is styled, said,
" Wot hez ta cum'd aght sa sooin for ? " " Wha," said
Tommy, pulling his face all awry, " ah thovvt this spot
hed bin a chapel a' ease, but its nowt at soart ah find,
for av hed sich an a belly-ache az nivver poor fellar hed,
all't time av bin in."
THE UNFORTUNATE GRAVE-DIGGER.
In or about the year eighteen hundred, when the town
and neighbourhood of Barnsley were not so densely popu-
lated as it now is, lived one Billy Strafford, who filled
2>
38
the serious and important situation of grave-digger at St.
Mary's Church, Barnsley. Billy, it must be understood,
together with his wife, were both of industrious and fru-
gal habits. Orders, however, became slack, and as Billy
in his line could not work on speculation, their minds
became uneasy touching the baking days. Sally, his
faitliful spouse, one morning (and not the first time by
many), was eyeing the spade over at the door, which
had become quite rusty for want of a job. A person
going by at the time, Sally, holding up the spade, said,
" Just look at this ; nah, iz it likely at onny boddy can
liv here, think ye ? Here ar Billy's bin, an az nivver
buried a livin soul for this last fortnit ! "
A NOVEL OIL-PAINTING.
One evening during the past winter, two admirers of the
fine arts were sitting together, talking of the beauties of
the old masters. One of them remarking that he had a
real Vandyke, the other very naturally wished to have a
peep at it. The request of course was willingly com-
plied with, and John, the servant, was called into the
room. " John," said his master, " I want you to go to
Mr. P.'s for an oil-painting by Vandyke." " Yes," said
the owner, " and tell Betty, the one I want is in the long
passage." Off went John, and delivered his message.
On his return, poor John, who was nearly exhausted with
his load, squeezed into the room with Vandyke on his
shoulder, saying, " Where am e ta put it, Sur ? " " Put
it ! " exclaimed his master, " why what the d — 1 are you
bringing, man ? " " T'oil-painting, Sur," said John,
o
9
panting as he spoke. " Oil-painting ! " responded Mr. P.,
" why, blockhead, you have brought the oil-cloth off the
passage-floor." " Wha, ah thowt mesen like," repeated
John, " at it wor a varry cjuear oil-paintin az soin az ah
saw it ; but when Betty sed it wor all't mndyket consarn
thear wor it passage, ah thowt it wor e my place ta say
now t, but bring it." The circumstance naturally called
forth a laugh from the antique worthies, whilst poor
John and blundering Betty rectified the mistake ; and
the anxious connoisseur was afterwards gratified with a
sight of the object of his wish.
"POOR THING."
As a female was proceeding along Shambles-street, Barns-
ley, she met with old widow Allsop ; " Good morning,
Becca," said the maid, " pray how is poor Betty Dewsnap
this morning ? " " Wha, my lass, ah nawn't wot ta mack
on her, — heh, heh, heh, — Poor thing, shoo's nearly worn
to a J^^ottlngham"
MUSICAL HONOURS.
A SHORT time ago, a dyer was walking out a horse be-
longing to an auctioneer and bailiff. On approaching
the line of houses called Marine Row, a weaver was
playing on a fiddle. The horse pricked his ears and be-
gan to caper, and by some means got away and bolted
into the house to the musician, when he commenced
kicking away at the chairs, tables, and window. The fid-
dler, with his vain bit of wood, had a narrow escape. After
40
his worship had done, and thought proper to walk out
again, the mistress of the house popped her head down
stairs, and after viewing the wreck for a short time, she
exclaimed, "I think't bailiff mud az weel a cum'd hizsen
an mark't goods, an not a sent hiz horse."
APRIL FOOLS.
On the first of April, as two inebriated knights of the
thimble were sitting, quaffing deep draughts of the
nappy, one of them (a celebrated button-hole-maker) laid
a small wager of five shillings with his companion, that
he could go up the chimney, and put his head out at the
top, and sing " God save the Queen," in less time than
Jonathan his shop-mate. Button-hole, who was a high-
minded gent, went up the chimney first, and accom-
plished the task in little more than ten minutes. Jona-
than, whose turn it was next, did not at all like the ap-
pearance of his antagonist after his arrival from the sooty
region, and would feign have given up the contest but
for his friends, who held out to him every prospect of
success ! At last, up jumped Jonathan, threw his coat
on the floor, and tied a handkerchief on his head, and
ofi" he started on his pilgrimage. A great number of
people had assembled in the street to witness the exploit
of Jonathan, who, on reaching the top of the chimney,com-
menced his song in admirable style; but, unfortunately for
the knight, when he got to the words " Send her victorious,"
down dropped Jonathan, and of course lost the wager, to-
gether with a small jjortion from the tip of his nose.
The New Schools connected with St. George's Church,
Barnsley, was completed in December, 1840, at a cost of
upwards of One Thousand Pounds. The design was
given by Mr. Pritchett, architect, of York.
Frederick William Thomas Vernon Wentworth, Esq.,
of Wen tworth -Castle, was appointed High-Sheriff of the
county of York, Jan. 1841.
W. Bennett Martin, Esq., of Worsbro'-Hall, accepted
the Captaincy of the Barnsley Troop of Yeomanry
Cavalry, Feb. 19th, 1841, vacant by the resignation of
the Hon. Charles Stuart Wortley.
John Mitchell, of Barnsley, stone-mason, was found
guilty, at the March Assizes, 1841, for the murder of Mr.
George Blackburn, and sentence of death was then re-
corded ; but on the 3rd of April, his sentence was com-
muted to transportation for life.
Celestial Phenomenon.— On Monday night, March
22nd, between the hours of eight and ten, a splendid lu-
minous bow of white light was seen here, and in other
parts of the North, which excited the awe and admiration
of all beholders. The bow, as it were, bestrode the fir-
44
filament from East to West, and was better defined than
anything of the kind we ever before witnessed. It was
not a lunar rain-1)o\v, for there was no moon at the time ;
but it partook of the nature of aurora, and was evidently
mag-netic, though assuming a form different from that in
which the phenomenon usually manifests itself in these
latitudes.
Ancient Coins.— On Monday, the 10th of May, as
the workmen were pulling down the old building previ-
ously occupied by Mr. Henry Machin, at Sough-bridge,
Barnsley, a number of old coins were found in the walls,
namely, two half-crowns and a sixpence of William II f.
one ditto of Charles II., and a guinea of William III. ;
the whole of which, with the exception of the sixpance,
were in a good state of preservation.
Census. — The census, Avhich was taken on the 7th of
June, 1841, at Barnsley, is as follows : — Males, 6187 —
Females, 6120— Total, 12,307. Inliabited houses, 2380
— building, 28 — unoccupied, 45.
Early on the morning of Thursday, July 8, the sawing-
mill of Messrs. Young and Shaw was destroyed by fire.
At the West-Riding Election, which took place on the
8th and 9th of July, the following were the numbers
polled in the Barnsley District : —
The Hon. John Stuart Wortley 606
E. B. Denison, Esq 537
Lord Morpeth 615
Lord Milton 647
At the close of the poll for the Riding the numbers for
each candidate stood thus : —
The Hon. John Stuart Wortley 1.3,165
E. B. Denison, Esq 1 2,780
Lord Morpeth 12,031
Lord Milton 12,080
45
On the morning of the 22nd of November a fearful ex-
plosion of fire-damp took place at Mount-Osborne Col-
liery, Barnsley, belonging to Messrs. Day and Twibell,
by which no less than fifteen persons, men and boys, lost
their lives.
Chief Constables of Barnsley. — Mr. Matthew Mal-
lison, maltster ; Mr. Charles Rogers, painter ; Mr. George
Smith, linen-manufacturer ; and Mr. Francis Johnson,
druggist.
Chukchwakdens. — Mr. William Johnson, farmer; and
Mr. Massie, draper, for St. Man/'s. Mr. William Hop-
wood, colliery -proprietor ; and INIr. Thomas Taylor, jun.,
linen-manufacturer, for St. George's.
Overseers. — Mr. Christopher Haxworth, innkeeper;
Mr. Thomas Frudd, innkeeper (both second year) ; Mr.
Robert Pickles, linen-manufacturer; and Mr. Thomas
Guest, grocer.
In November, Mr. John Ray, bookseller, was appointed,
by the Lords of the Treasurer, Sub-distributor of Stamps
for the Barnsley District.
MARRIAGES.
Jan. 7th. — At Silkstone, Mr. Beujamin Shaw, professor of music,
York, to Miss Eliza Headon, Prospect-house, Barnsley.
Jan. 18. — At the same Church, Mr. William Hall, plasterer and
landlord of the Turf Tavern Inn, to Miss Catherine Bramah, hoth of
Barnsley.
Feb. 3. — At St. Mary's Church, Bamsley, by the Rev. R. Willan,
Mr. 'I'hos. Marsh, of Sheffield, to Mary, second daughter of Mr. Geo.
Tattershall, Barnsley, formerly of Tyers-Hall ; also, Mr. Christopher
Hirst, of Sheffield, to Elen, third daughter of the above Mr. Tattershall.
March 12. — At the office of the Superintendent Registrar, Eccles-
field, Mr. Thos. Lister, post-master, Banisley, and one of the Society
of Friends, to Miss Hannah Scholield, straw-bonnet-maker, of the
same place.
46
April 14. — At St. Mary's Church, Cheltenham, by the Rev. Daniel
Louis Cousins, M.A., Samuel Edelston, Esq., Warrington, to Amelia,
youngest daughter of the late Mr. Wm. Horsfall, Barnsley.
Ajiril. 1.^. — At the Parish Churcli, Silkstone, Mr. John Lowrance,
tinner and brazier, Barnsley, to Miss Sarah Blackburn, third daughter
of Mr. Thos. Blackburn, joiner and carpenter, of the same place.
April 15. — At the same Parish Church, Mr. Henry Clegg, currier,
Barnsley, to Miss Jane Collier, second daughter of Mr. Wm. Collier,
lealher-cutter, of the sauie place.
May 11. — At St. Mary's Church, Barasley, Mr. James Wood,
shopkeeper, Barnsley, to Mrs. Grayson, vidow of the late Mr. George
Grayson, of Deepcar Mill.
June 4. — At St. Mary's, Barnsley, by the Rev. R. Willan, M.A.,
Mr. Frederick Brown, eldest son of Mr. William Brown, plumber, to
Miss Sarah Mallison, eldest daughter of Mr. Matthew Mallison, inn-
keeper and maltster, all of Barnsley.
Oct. :}8.— At Wakefield, Mr. George Wood Bayldon, son of Mr.Wm.
Bayldiin, linen-manufacturer, Folly-Hall, Barnsley, and great nephew
of Baron Wood, to Miss Anne Green, of Tankersley.
Nov. 4. — At the Parish Church, Darton, by the Rev. T. Thexton,
John, the eldest son of Mr. J. Silverwood, of Swithen, bleacher, to
Mary, eldest daughter of Mr. John Clarke, farmer, of Oaks, all in the
same parish.
Nov. 11.— At the Calvinist Chapel, Barnsley, by the Rev. Mark
Docker, J\lr. Slater, of ShefReld, tool-manufacturer, to Miss Anne
Athorn, eldest daughter of the late Mr. Samuel .Athorn, of the firm of
Young and Athorn. iron-founders, Barnsley. This being the first
marriage at the above-named Chapel, the newly- wedded pair was pre-
sented by the Minister with a handsome bible.
Nov. 1.5. — At St. Mary's Church, Manchester, Mr. William Taylor,
jun., Redbrook, near Barnsley, to F]liza, eldest daughter of Mr. James
Raywood, of Leeds, and niece to Mr. Richd. Raywood, linen-manu-
facturer, Barnsley.
Nov. 25. — At Roystone, by the Rev. G. Fenton, Rlr. John Thomas
Scales, of Burton-Grange, farmer, to Caroline, eldest daughter of Mr.
John Harrison, all of tlie same place.
DEATHS.
Jan. 11. — Eliza Anne, infant daughter of Mr. Rycroft Raywood,
grocer, Barnsley.
Jan. 11. — At her daughter's residence, Mary, relict of the late Mr.
John Woodcock, Barnsley.
.Tan. 15. — At Carlton, netu- Barnsley, Mrs. Stocks, after a severe
affliction, borne with christian fortitude.
Jan. 21. — Aged 85, Mr. George Shaw, fonnerly of the White Bear
Inn and Posting-House, Barnsley.
47
Jan. 23. — Aged 73, Mr. John Hill, wire-drawer, Pogmoor, near
Barnsley.
Jan. 24. — Anne, wife of Mr. William Birkinshaw, farmer, Gawber-
Hall, near Barnsley, aged 67.
Feb. 7. — Aged 25, Mr. John Haxworth, fourtB son of the late Mr.
John Haxworth, linen -manufacturer, Barnsley.
Feb. 8. — At his mother's residence, aged 24, Mr. Baitley Hod-
getts, eldest son of the late B. Hodgells, Esq., of the firm of Jackson
and Hodgetts, linen-manufacturers, Barnsley.
Feb. 16. — Aged 63, Mr. Michael Headon, plasterer and painter,
Prospect-House, Barnsley.
Feb. 27.— At the residence of Mr. John Wood, Wood-Cottage,
Swiuton, Mrs. Grierson, eldest daughter of the late Mr. John Osley,
butcher, Barnsley, aged 46.
March 3. — In a fit of apoplexy, aged 65, when on his way to
Barnsley market, Mr. Thomas Parkinson, farmer, of Hay-Green.
The deceased was highly respected by all who knew him.
March 19. — Mary Anne, infant daughter of Mr. Spurr, draper,
Barnsley.
IMarch 20. —Aged 49, Mr. John Perkins, Prince's- place, Lambeth,
youngest son of the late llichard Perkins, Esq., of Dodworth-Green,
near Barnsley.
April 4. — Aged 73, Miss Sarah Mence, eldest sister of William
Cooke Mence, Esq., solicitor, Barnsley.
April 14. — Of a violent attack of the brain fever, Mr.Wm. Greaves,
aged 25, eldest son of the late Mr. Charles Greaves, wine-merchant
and stationer, Barnsley.
April 14. — In her 79th year, Anne, relict of the late Jas. Shepherd,
gentleman, and eldest daughter of the late John Turton, Esq., of
Gildersorae.
April 22. — Aged 32, Mr. William OstclifTe, farmer, and landlord
of the Cross Keys Inn, Stair-foot, near Barnsley.
April 28. — Aged 25. Mr. John Clegg, of the firm of Spurr and
Clegg, linen-drapers, Barnsley.
May 6. — Aged 62, Mr. Francis Burton, lime and timber-merchant,
Barnsley.
May 7. — Aged 33, Mary Ann, wife of Mr. Joseph Wood, linen-
manufacturer, Barnsley.
May 7. — Much and deservedly respected, Eliza, the wife of Mr.
Charles Broadbent, draper, Barnsley, aged 26.
May 14. — Aged 83, George Oxterby, formerly one of the leading
and most scientific joiners in Barnsley.
48
May 16. — To the gi'eat grief of his parents, aged 6 years, Thomas,
only son of Mr. William Ridsdale, carrier, Barnsley.
May 2-1. — Edward Jackson, Esq., of Beaver-Hall, of the firm of
Jackson and Hodgetts, linen-manufacturers, Barnsley, aged 46. It is
no small praise to the deceased, that his work-people were sti'ongly at-
tached to him as a master.
June 1 1 . — Aged 32, Mary Anne, wife of Mr. Richard Tomlin, jun.,
cabinet-maker, IJarnsley.
On the same day, Alfred, the infant son of Mr. John Wilcock, con-
fectioner, Barnsley.
.\ug. 31.— Very suddenly, at Cawthorne, aged 22, Mr. Geo. Bailey,
youngest son of the late Mr. John Bailey, shopkeeper, Silkstone.
Sept. 11. — Aged 58, Mr. Tobias Fletcher, clock and watch-maker,
BaiTisley.
Sept. 13. — At her mother's residence, Hoyland, Eleanor, wife of Mr.
Spm'r, draper, Barnsley, aged 22.
Oct. 1. — Aged 49, Anne, wife of Mr. Thomas Marshall, hair-dresser,
Barnsley.
Oct. 27. — At Barnsley, Matthias Mason, Esq., solicitor, aged 30,
after a short but severe illness, deeply lamented by a numerous circle
of acquaintance.
Nov. 1. — By accidentally swallowingaquantityofTitilol, Benjamin,
son of Mr. Warbis, dyer, Barnsley, aged 2 years.
Nov. 19. — At Carlton, near Barnsley, aged 66, after a debilitating
infirmity, borne with exemplary fortitude, which had confined the
suflerer teii years to her bed-room, Mrs. Bayldon, relict of the late
Mr. John Bayldon, a name of very old standing in the rent-roll of the
excellent and' noble Lord, who is now President of the Privy Council.
Nov. 27. — At Darton, near Barnsley, Jane, second daughter of the
Rev. T. Thexton.
Dec. 2. — Mr. Joseph Burnett, aged 36, landlord of the Vine Tavern,
Barnsley, and foreman to Mr. Pickles, Ihien-manufacturer.
PRIXTED BY J. RAY, MABKET-IIILL.
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THE
BAIENSLA FOAKS
FOGMOOB OIiMENACK,
BE TOM TREDDLEHOYLE.
JfouvtS (JfUiltou,
BARNSLEY
PRINTED BY JOHN RAY, AT THE STAMP-OFFICE,
MARKET-HILL.
1843.
CONTENTS.
PAGE
T'Fruntispiece (anent Title) ,
T'Preface tut Fowat Edislian 5
TTreface tut Thurd Edislian 6
Tut Readers 7
Olmenack for 1843 9
Obzervashans upat Planitary Systam 21
Wattar-Gaiges 24
Cumin Events 25
T'Hireaglifick 26
T'Wether an uther Signs 26
Lines dedicated tut Baimsla Owd Set a Ringers . . 27
Tommy Kenny Club 30
Sam Shuttle's Rules, ta be put ovver ivvery bodiz Fire-plaice ats
a mind, at beginnin at year 1843 33
Mally MufBndoaf's Letter tut Queen, tellin bur bah ta bring
t'ynng Prince up 33
Tom Treddlehoyle's awn " Seds" 39
Ben Bobbinhat's Lecter tut Weyvers, or onny boddy else at it
consams 40
THE RECORD 43
Officers of the Town 45
Marriages and Deaths , 46
T PREFACE TUT FOWAT EDI SHAN.
Here I am agean, ah declare ! but az near a^ht a wind az
a tutcher, e runnin ta tell yo at theaze a Fowat Edishan
at Annual cum aght. Ah think e me heart yol nivver be
satisfied, an sooiner ah cut me stick into a wood, for a bit
a quiatnass, an better ; if ah doant, ah see varry plainly,
ah sal be az throng az a toad in a meil-tub, ah sal indeed ;
— but, do just az yov a mind, cos am yor sarvent ; an, wal
ah am soa, al try ta sarve ye, be t'consequence wot it may.
Just, wal av this opportunity, al tell yo, bit way ov a
cloizer, at ah nivver laft sa much e all me life, noa, nivver,
az ah hev dun laitly, corsarnin theaze Stronamy Foaks,
mackin sa much ta do abaght t'great Comet ; an weel ah
may, ta hear an see sich nonsense az thay tawk an rite
abaght it ; for, between yo an me, it's az much a Comet az
Sant Paul's iz a mustard-pot, or Maant Etna a suet-dum-
plin. Then just lizan, wal ah tell yo t'cause a this long-
tail'd star, az thay call it, bein seen at preasent time.
Abaght two munths sin, between three an four a clock
it mornin, t'Man it Mooin wor goin ta oil't gudgeon be-
longin tut fly-wheel at wurks t'planetery bodiz, when, sum
hah or anuther, we it bein dark, hetumald ovverathunar
ball, an wun on hiz legs went reight throo a thin plaice it
skye ; this bein t'caise, yo see, when t'sun sets, it shines
throot hoyle, an reflecks it's rays for menny a mile on't
surfas at furmament. Nah, this explenashan, ah hoape,
al set foaks' minds at rest, an goa ta shew hah foilish it iz
for pretendin stronamers ta meddle an tawk a things at
thay naw nowt abaght.
Bein short a room, al bid yo all good bye ; an wit Man
it Mooin's best respecks, an me awn, beleeve ma ta be,
Yor's, varry thenkfully,
TOM TREDDLEHOYLE.
Poqmoor Ohsnrvatory ,
April Tent, 1843.
T PRE FACE TUT THURD EDI SHAN.
Thear Tiivver wor a litterery chap e this wurld, noa, nor
at Daw-Green nawther, at ivver stud e sich an a magnif-
esant an praad disposishan az ah do, just at this varry
time; noa, nivver ; an wot ta do we mesen ah doant navv,
am sa pleaz'd at yo wantin a Thurd Edishan at Annual.
Av bin thinkin, wunce or twice, just for't honorashan at
event, at ad stan a me head, for hauf a day, it middle a
Hickam Common ; but ah caant reightly mack up me
mind, not just nah ; beside, ah think, it ad ardly be reight
this winter ta do owt at soart, for if a boddy wor ta get
ther death a coud we doin it, look wot an a loss it ad be
tut cumunaty ; hey, ah reckan it wod ; beside, wun
hauf at country ad roar ther ees aght, an sweal thersenze
daan ta notamises we freating. Tlien, t'best way al be
for me, ta thenk ye for wot yov dun, it deasentist way
ah naw hah, cos eze noa dainger e that.
Thear, nah then, ta hev dun,— diddant ah tell yo all, at
ad back mesen agean onny Weather Docter it nashan ?
Ta be suar ah did ; then worrant ah reight, when ah sed
soa P moast undaatedly ; an this iz a proofecashan on it.
My wurd, Owd Moore, Sugden, an all't uther Stronamy
Chaps, thay will be mad when thay get ta hear abaght
this ; am sorry e wun sense, do ye naw, at am foarst ta
do wot ah am doin, becos ah navv it al lecktrefy ther
feelins, an stagnate ther mistryficatory understandin ;
but if it duz, ah caant help it, cos if ah am ta be t'leadin
Chap e Skye an Weatheronamy, ah am. We, this, al say
na moar, but conclude, az fearce az a snail,
Yor stronamecal an weather-larnt Sarvent,
T. T.
N. B. — Hav bin thinkin, sin ah wrate wot's aboon, ta gie all't poor
wimmin it taan, at's a hundard year owd, a quarter ov a naance a
black tea a-piece.
TUT READERS.
Good mornin to yo all, hey, all on yo, an a happy
new year it bargain ; an ah hoape yol wish t'same
la me lite, cos ah consider mesen a deasent soart
ov a chap, ah do. T'reason wha av cum'd befoar
yo it shap ah hev, iz, ah dream'd a dream, an that
dream wor, at Man it Mooin cum wun neet an sat
hizsen daan upa my cloaze-chist lid, an he sed,
*' Tom, thah mun set to dereckly, an begin an write
a Olmenack for't benefit at cumunaty, an al tell the
things at nawther Hurshill, Owd Moore, Murfy, nor
Sugden naws owt abaght." We that, ah wackand,
an az sooin az ad don'd mesen, began a writein,
an nivver dropt it wal ah gat tut thurty-furst a
December; an nah yov seen it, al back mesen
agean onny weather dockter it nashan, for wot
thave a mind, (wit Man it Mooin ta help me,) at ah
naw raoar abaght Skyeomatry then thay do.
vni.
If ah Slid happan ta liv wal anuther year, yol
" ten ta wiin " hear throo ma agean. But stop! nah
ah bethink ma, its " vvun ta ten" weather yo will
or noa, cos av gottan sich an a rhumatic cherch-
yard soart ov a cough like, we sittin astride ov a
hay-stack for thurty neets t'last winter, wethaght
hat, caantin f stars. After that, ah gat at top a Sam
Stithy's Blacksmith's shop chimley, we me skye-
crascope, ta hev a fair glent at mooin, an ta find
aght wot thickness t'skye wor, when all at wunce
me fooit slipt, an daan t'inside at chimley ah went,
an rowl'd reight intat sleek-trough, an ah beleve if
ah hedant a gottan aght, ah sud a bin thear yet, an
happan draanded. Nah, we this, yol hev sum
noashan at wot av sed izant romansashan ; so, for't
preazent, yol excuse ma sayin onny moar e this
pairt at book ; an beleve ma ta be, for t'furst time e
me life,
Yor elementry, graandometry,
An skyentific sarvent,
TOM TREDDLEHOYLE.
POGMOOR OLMENACK,
FOR 1843.
JENEWERY.
Woad a thowt at we sud liv ta see anuther year,
When foak thare deeiu day be day, boath here an ivvery where ;
Then let uz all be thenkful, lads, an try ta mend wer ways,
Cos noabdy naws, nor nivver will, the number ov hiz days.
Hurrah, lads ! here begins anuther year. Nah reek-
alect, if theaze onny bairns cums tut door, wishin
ye a happy new year, be suar an let am intat
hause, — if thave black heads, nah mind that, — an
gie am a slice a spice- cake an a haupny; if yo
doant, vol nivver hev a bit a good luck all't year.
But stop! ad fagottan it wor Sunday; nah be suar
yo all goa tut Cherch or tut Chappil, not just ta
day, but ivvery Sunday e yer lives; an mind when
yo put yer faice e yer liat, doant just look oa made
it, an tack it aght agean, but say summat at al
do ye sum good when yo dee.
Fair — wha, if it izant, ah naw a yung womman at iz.
VaiTy dusty ; an will be ivvery Seterday all this
year, mind if it izant. — Ah recaleckt a poor little
cobler wunce tumalin off hiz throne ontat floor
dead asleep, an't wife, we thear bein sich an a dust
it hause, we emptyin t'grate-hoyle, swept him
reight aght a doors intat chanil, an thear he laid
an nivver wackand, till a fellar happand ta run a
wheelbarraw reight ovvert brig on hiz noaze;
nivver mind if he diddant kick up a dust ov anu-
ther soart like, when he gat intat hause agean.
T'Mooin, just nah, al be like Billy Bowler's muflin
when id bittan a piece aght.
Thick fog ; — but not quite sa thick az that wor at
Sheffild, at a chap drave a nail into ta hing hiz
hat ou.
When yor e goin aght a this munth intat next, mind
yo doant slip an put yer henkle aght.
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FEBREWERY.
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Anuther munth iz born, an't graand iz white we snaw,
But, ni\'\'er mind, it weant stop long when it begins ta thaw;
Am suar it weant, az were all here, an't sun it west duz set,
Agean, ah say, when that tacks place, wha t'graand al be all wet.
Raither greazy ; — but not quite sa bad as it wor wit
lad when he fell t'head furst intat swillin-lub.
Mally Muffindoaf s owdest lad fun sixpance it inside
ov a fiddle.
Snaw, awther just nah, or sumtime else, when it's a
mind ta cum daan.
C'oHap Munday. — This time reminds me on a bit
ov a consarn at happand abaght two year sin, to
a chap at thay call Jeremiah Fudgemutton. This
Jerry, yo mun naw, went ta see a yung womman,
a sweetheart a hiz, an when he put hiz arms
rarnd her neck ta gic her a cus, it happand shood
been hevin sum fried bacon to her dinner, an fa-
gettan ta wipe't grease off on her magth at after.
Thear hiz faice slip't off on her chin-end, an slap
went hiz head reight throot winda, an cut tip ov
hiz noaze off.
This iz Volantine Day, mind, an be wot ah can see
theal be a good deal a hanksiaty a mind sturrin
amang't owd maids an't batchillors ; luv sickness
al be war than ivver wor nawn, espeshly amang
them ats gettin raither owdish like, but all al end
weel, so doant be daan abaght it. Ah recaleckt,
when ah wor a yung man, ah went tut Poast-Office
an bowt hauf apeck a Volantines for tuppance, an
when ah look't em ovver, thear wor wun dereckted
for mesen — an this wor wot thear wor it inside: —
•' Paper's scarce, an luv iz dear,
So av sent ye a bit a my pig-ear ;
An if t'same bit case we yo, my dear.
Pray send me a bit a yor pig-ear.''
Ha, ah wor mad, yo mind, ah nivver look't at a
yung womman for two days at after for't; — but it
wor becos ah hedant a chonce.
Freezin, weezin, an sneezin, tut end at munth.
Crookassas begin ta shooit aght at graand ; yo mun
understand, ah doan't mean we gunpaader, ah
mean wejlaar.
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31 ARCH.
Primroses nah begin ta deck the quiat snug benk-side,
An coud winds blaw enif am suar ta pierce a donkey's hide ;
An mowlwarps, too, begin ta scrat, an rooks begin ta pair,
An robin, fit ta split hiz beak, sings up aloft in't air.
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The Dival bed three inches on hiz tail trap't off be-
tween a hurthquake an a wurlwind, 1320.
Expect hail, awtlier ta-day or suuitime else; mind
ye, ah doant mean that wot cums aght at barril,
ah mean that at cums throot claads.
Cobler Munday. — T'reason wha this iz call'd soa,
yol understand, thear wor a cobler e King Cris-
pin days went ta hiz wark wun Munday mornin,
sich an a thing az nivver wor nawn ardly, an
■we bein e sich an a hurrj-, he mist t'lapstan we
hiz hammer, an split cap on hiz knee, soa that
fratematy hez nivver reckand ta wurk ov a Mun-
day sin.
Coughs varry trubblesum just nah ; an if sum on
j ye duzant mind, an tack vaiTy good care a yer-
j senze, theal be coffins an all.
Tf a pig puts hiz for-feet upat hull doar, its a sign
eze hungry.
T'Mooin — if thear iz wun, an it duzant shine, theal
1 be a claad befoar it, just tack noatis.
Dicky Grime wbitewesh't t'inside ov a coil-pit 1816.
Searchin wind. — Be suar an tuck t'bed-cloaze in
■weel at fooit ivvery neet, an draw't curtains, if yo
hev onny : owd maids see ta this.
Hoppan weather. — A nice time this for giein bairns
a good doase a brimstan an trakle, but be suar
yo mind at thay doant get t'spooin fast e ther
magth. Ah recaleckt a lot a chaps wunce, at wor
meazerin which bed t'biggest magth, we acherch-
door key, an wun on am gat it fast in hiz jaws,
an thear he wor for two days an cuddant get it
aght ; — hiz faice wor just for all't wurld like a lad
when eze blawdn a blether up.
Day brecks sumtime it mornin; mind, ah doant
mean at its goin ta be a benkrupt ; nowt at soart,
cos if it wor, we shud hev nowt but neet then.
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APRIL.
Fair sunshine nah begins ta smile, if claads be not it way,
An huUats thay begin ta hause just when it's peep a day ;
But, April, thagh sal nivver be a munth at ile admire, [fire.
Cos menny a time thaaz wet me through when miles away throot
April Fooil Day. — Mind yo doant get made gam on
a this day : az for mesen, ah reckan ta be ta owd
raither; hut mind, ah hevant alias been soa, for
when all wor a lad, an stud abaght t'eight on a
skittle-pin, ah uze't ta goa ta Sammy Strapjackit's
ivvcry day-scooil : thear wor me an two moar lads
wor sent aght ta three diffei'ant shops, wun for hauf
a naance a memry paader, tiither for a gill a pidgin
milk, an mesen, ah went ta owd Billy Helsin's for
a pennath a sturrap-oil, but nivver mind if ah
diddant drop in for't spooin ; he laice't me raand
t'cobler's shop for a quarter ov an haar, reight
streight ahead ; an thear ah wor all't time screamin
like a pig in a gate, an ha much longer id a goan
at it, ah doant naw ; but he happand ta tumal
ovvert lapstan, we hiz head intat wax-tub, then
aght a cut : my shoolder aik't wal April-fooil-day
cum agean, he leather'd me soa, it did indeed.
Short Showers, — Not sa short, yol understand, but
wot thale reich tut graand.
Tack a blenkit off at bed nah abaght, ivvery boddy
but batchiilors, an thay may do az thave a mind.
Stop ! al be heng'd if ah hevant fagotten summat at
ah owt to a menshand befoar nah, that iz, at
fowart a this munth, 1820, a fut-ridgement a
Bairnsla Radical Luditors march't tut Grainge-
Moor, we fifes an drums, spikes, guns, an bag-
uats, an noabdy naws wot beside, ta turn t'country
upside daan az thay thowt : az sooin az ivver thay
gat thear, an begun a tawkin wot grand things
thade do, a jackass pop't hiz head ovver a bilbeny
bush an begun a rawtin ; away thay went, end
ovver and, e all dereckshans, (exceptin that way
weart jackass wor,) freetand aght a therst'«.s(i:s ,• an
when thay gat hoam agean, sum on am wor sa
hungry, thade a ettan a stewd cart-saddle, if thay
cud a gottan it. Nah theaze chaps wor bigger
fooils then ah wor, when ah fetch't sturrap-oil.
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MAY.
Am glad thart't cum, me bonny May, thagh cheers me varry soul,
Cos t'macks a boddy think a times when donsin raand a powl ;
We lads an lassas upat green e numbers menny a scoar,
An iwery wun we flaars deck't, best natur hed e stoar.
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Cuckoos begin ta sing, at least foaks call it singin.
Nah, be suar, when yo goa aght intat cloises,
for a walk, at yo put sum brass e yer pockets,
becos if yo liear't cuckoo, an hez noan, yol hev
nowt but bad luck all't year ; — ah dar say, sum
on ye wishes at cuckoo ad sing all't year raand,
if yo cud cum tliat.
Veiitpeg born 1792.
Ab doant egshactly naw weather theal be a mooin
this munth or noa, but if thear izant, it al be all
reight, an if thear iz, it al bit same.
Fine an clear. — Mind, a good deal clearer then ah
naw oaze ale alias iz ; av teld em, menny a time,
thade na cashan ta bother thersenze we puttin it
inta a banil, when a seek ad do az weel.
Tom Treddlehoyle's cat kittald, 1840.
Begin abug-huntin nah abaght. — ^lah, al tell ye
a bit ov a nannygoat abaght bugs : yo see, thear
wor t^vo chaps wunce lodged at Sam Sluvin's, an
av heard foaks say, we me awn ears, at bugs, it
neet time, uzet ta trail't bed up an daane't
chaimber floor, thear wor sa menny on em. —
Wun a theaze chaps, yo see, at wir e tawkiu
abaght, went up stairs ta bed, but when id gottan
thear, id lost liis pairtner, soa he call'd aght,
" Jack, wear ar ta ! " enah, Jack lifts up an owd
cliist-lid, an puts hiz head aght ; " Wot ivver ar
ta doin e thear I " sed tuther lodger, az he set
up e bed. " Wha," sez Jack, gapein like a yung
rook, " ah thowt ad get in hear, soa az't bugs
cuddant find rae, for av nivver hed a wink a sleep
this last fortnit for em."
Expeck't blue skyes, we a good deal a wet, neet an
mornin, summat like wot owd farmer Go-tut-
dyke's milk alias is.
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14
JUNE.
Az burds ov iv\ery soart this muntli begin ta chainge ther note,
May ivvery wurkin man dut same, but ov a differant soart!
That iz me wish, me hearty wish ; an t'will ah think, be so.
For wiser men nah rule the land then did two year ago.
- ^S*-
Here begins June, an sum foaks sez at " ivvery
thing's e tune ;" but ah doant think soa yo mind,
for theaze a chap nex door ta uz larnin ta play a
bazoon : eze bin agate nah, just two year cum't
tent a this munth, an ta speik't truth, ar bairns
hcz nivver bin ck^ar at belly-ache sin he blaw'd
t'furst blaw ; yo may believe me, if yo like, but it
costs mewunan-ninepance a-week,az regeler az't
week cums, e byein hoppadildock an uther soart a
fizick for em ta tack, he gripes em soa. Sea, av
bin sa mad at him at times when eze bin reckanin
ta play, " In a Cottage near a Wood" an " Robin
Adair," av wish't boath him an hiz bazoon at
.lerico ; an weel ah mud, for yo nivver heard
sich an a noise e all yer born days az he made :
a bull roarin, or an owd stockin-frame at wark, iz
miilcodious whear hiz iiiiisick cums; al be bun for
it, ift truth wor nawn, at theaze nawther a maase
nor a creckit within hauf a mile a thare hause :
this ah do naw for a sartanty — at furst blaw at he
gav't bazoon, thare cat, at wor asleep upat arstan,
jump't up an bang'd reight throot winda,an away
sho went ower't hause-rigs like wildfire, an thave
nivver bin able ta keej) wun tliear sin ; an weel
thay main't, for eze enif ta freetan a boggard ta
death — an that'a all abaght it.
Fresh breeze. — Wha, it al be wun at yo nivver felt
befoar.
T'maister linen-manefacterers, at Bairnsla, made a
law, an that wor, — at if onny a ther wareas-men
sweated when thay wor at ther wark, soa az it
drop't ontat cloth, thay wor ta be sent abaght
ther bizniss at a minit's noatis. It's nah aboon
twenty year sin this law wor put inta foarse, an
its varry astonishin ta say theaze nivver bin wun
lost hiz wark upa that head all that time.
A hoop flew ofl'a Mally Muffindoaf peggy-tub, 1829.
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15
JULY.
Lads an lasses nah will hev full menny a happy day,
For't time iz cum when scoars ar aght it eloizes mackin hay ;
But, lassas all, tack this advise, ah tell it for yer sake,
That's, nivver wed at all be suar, if t chap he be a rake.
Dry. — Suramat like Jossy Hudson, a Wakefield,
wor, when he went intat public hause thear, an
bet a wager, a three haupence, we a Ossit chap,
at lied just gottan a quairt a a.Ie in, at he cud
drink three gills aght on it egshactly, nawther
moar nor less : Jossy nipt up't qairt, an whip't
it all off at a swig. " By gow," sed Jossy, lookin
intat quairt, " ah beleeve av lost, lad," an threw
three haupence upat table : t'chap staired like a
great soft lass at him.
Flees begin ta bite — but not quite sa bad as a two-
legg'd soart at thear is call'd Backbiters.
Hot an sulfery happan, — but ah doant naw, soa it's
noa use liein.
Bent Bunt measered t'shadddh ov a windmill, when
it wor e goin raand twenty mile a niinnit.
T'mooin, nah abaght, al be like a mince- chopper,
wethaght banal.
If its fine all't day ta day, it weant rain.
T'sun al hev a red faice ivvery neet tut end at
munth, when it goazedaan; just as red as owd
Jerry Grogblossom's wor. Hey, poor fellah, do
yo naw, he gat draanded, an cuddant be fun for
three daize ; an he woddant a bin fun when he
wor, but sumady, wun neet, skim'd top at wattar
we a lucifer match, an when it gat ovver whear
his faice wor, it set it a fire.
If yo hear a jackass rawt it neet-time, its a sign its
mackin a noize.
Warm tut end. — Not sa much soa as it wor when
owd Ventpeg fell we hiz noaze intat fire.
A this day, 1840, a stoan-mason wor seen wurkin at
five minits past 12 o'clock at nooin-time at day ;
if that worrant a merricle, ah nivver saw wun.
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16
AUGUST.
Poor grause, ah think ah hear yo skrike a ivvery side at moor,
An see yer bonny spreckald lireasts lay bleedin upat floor ;
Oh, shameful law, ta license men sich cruel wark ta do !
It izant reight, an this all naw, like me, yol think soa too.
It al liappan thunar ta-day, soa be suar an hev t'sel-
lar-doar hoppan, soa as t'wimmin can run daan ;
for me gronmutlier, whenivver it thunard, thowt
t'wurld wor goin ta be at an end, an daan t'sellar
steps shood cut, an get iinder't stoan-table : av
nawn hur be thear be hauf a day tagether.
Thick air, — But not quite sa thick as Will Weft's
wor. He use't ta say, did Will, " ah doant naw
hah them foak stands it at coambs ther hair ivvery
neet an moniin ; ah nobbat coamb mine wvmce
a-year, an that's agean Bairnsla Feast, an it lugs
me rairly then, yo mind.
Varry boat. — Dolly Dyson dog thowt soa, when he
gat his head fast in a tin can, wheaj ther wor sum
boilin boat broth.
Drufty for sum time, an grand weather for wesliin
blenkits for them at izant ta idle.
Billy Blueblossom, gardiner, hed a redish at grew
sa long, it tuck him hauf a daj' ta pull it aght at
graand, 18-10 hey, an it made him look red-ish
it faice an all befoar id dun.
Sam Swill hed a blister on hiz heel we goin throo
wun pubUc hause to anuther, e drinkin, 1841.
Clear neets. — Moar so then it wor when Bess
Whaleboan tuck't canal aght a doors ta see if it
wor mooin-leet.
T'inhabitanls a Pogmoor, hearin a rumlin soart ov
a noize, run aght a ther hauses screamin like jays,
thinkin thear wor a hurthquake e cumin, an off
thay went full split ta Bairnsla, sum loadend we
wun thing, an sum we anuther; an just when
thade gottan tut Taane-end, Jack Roscoe ovver-
tuck am, an teld am ta goa back agean; it woiTant
a hurthquake at thade heard, it wor nowt but owd
MaUy Macktindcr, blawin t'sooit aght at top at
nvan we a hawpath a gunpaader, 1841.
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17
SEPTEMBER.
Leetniu happan nah may flash, an thunar it may roar,
An hail an rain fall twice az fast az near wor seen befoar;
But this, j'o naw, iz all a guess, then doant be mad we me.
If nowt at soart throo all the munth yo nawther hear nor see.
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Flyin claads. — Hey, Natty Marshall, a Pogmoor,
gat it inta hiz head at he cud riy, soa he gat at top
a thare hause wun moruia we a pair a woodan
wings on ; but az sooin az he made a start, daan
he went, end ovver end, into a quarry-hoyle, an
hreck hiz leg.
Bill Bung's yuugist bairn swalad a fardin, 1804.
Well, al be heng'd, if ah hevaut goan an fagottan ta
put cannalmas day e Febrewery; butnivver mind
eal noabdy naw if thay doant find it aght, soa
al tell ye a bit ov a tale for it. Yo see, thear wor
an owd woraman wuuce went to a groacer's shop
for a quarter ov a paand a haupny canals, an
when shood gottan em, shoo sed, " Maister, wot-
ivver iz it at macks em sa dear, preya ? " VVha,"
sed t'groacer, " it's owin tut war, Mally." " Wai- !
yo hev sed it ; it's t'furst time at ivver ah knew
at sowgers fate be canal leet."
If t'mooin's at full ta neet, it al be reight rand ;
nah mind if it izant.
Begin a savein bits a canal for't lantern.
Betty Scarkill stuf't a gooise we green wursit, 1837.
Theal be noa soart a wether ta-day, cos thare e
goin ta mend t'skye.
Inclined for wet. — Summat like't chap wor, when
hiz wife bed geen him sum brass ta bye a suit a
new cloaze we ; he toss't up when he gat tut shop-
door, ta see weather t'back or t'belly bed it, but
when t'back bed won, he sed it woiTaut a fair toss,
soa he tried agean, an t'belli/ won; ofl' he went tut
public hause, an spent ivvery haupny e drink.
1840. — Jim Grindlelord spent sis weeks e tryin ta
mack a streight hook, an after all he wor foarst
ta gie it up for a bad job ; he wor mad, cos foaks
laft at him soa.
It al be reight broad day-leet abaght 12 o'clock at
nooin-time at day; be patickelare tackin noatis.
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18
OCTOBER.
-«^
Here cums owd Oc. we chearful faice, ta brew the Squire's beer,
An menny a joke an funny tale will pass wal he iz here ;
Teetoatal foak maint like it much, but that iz nowt ta me,
For he may brew strong drink at likes, an thay may mash ther tea.
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Harry HoUyoak, three year sin, grew a carrit at
wor nine fut long ; an thear tliay hev it nah at
thare hause, an uzeas it ivvery wesliin day for a
cloaze-prop.
Long neets. — Hey, an ah naw a chap at hez sum
long legs too; my wurd, yod think id bin born
an browt up in a willow garth bit look on him.
Wha, yo may think wot hiz legs is like, when
Hz wife is foarst ta draw hiz stockins on to a rail
so as shoo can get ta mend t'heels. It's as rege-
lar as clock-wark for foaks, when thare e goin on
tut moors e shooitin, ta call at thare hause to bye
hiz owd stockins ta mack gun-caises on. T'furst
time ah saw em, ah laft wal a button flew off
a me shert-neck, ah did hacktly. Hiz shenks,
wha thare just for all' wurld like a pair a gig-
shafts; an hiz shaddah, on a mooin-leet neet, is
as long as t'.Sheffield an Rotherham Railway. —
Thear wor a dog, not long sin, when he wor e
goin to a gentleman's hause, sam'd owd a wun on
hiz legs, but we bein sa small, it went between it
teeth an ni vver hurt him. Anuther time, he went
tut gardin in a great huriy ta get sum sallery, an
sum hah or anuther, he mist t'spadc we hiz fooit,
an intat graand it went, an hat a collier at wor e
wurkin underncith ovvert top at head, an thear
he wor as fast as a flee in a tracle-pot ; at last a
chap cum we a shuval an dug him aght, but he
•wor two days yo mind e doin it.
Fair. — Ah recaleckt two Leeds loiners wunce tawkin
tagether ; an wun on am sed tut tuther, as owd-
fashand as cud be, " .Jack, hey, if thear wor nob-
bat thee an me it wurld, we cud bye horses rare
an cheap then at Lee gap fair.
Put anuther blenkit upat bed, that is, them at hez
wun ; an them at bezant, mun thraw ther coits
an gaanz on.
19
NOVEMBER.
-4.
Look aght, this munth, for drizzlin rain, hey iwery day an neet,
For t'Man it Mooin hez sed ta me at theal be lots a west ;
Soa get yer shooze weel mendad up, an all t'umbrellas too,
Then if it rains boath cats an dogs, yol niwer get wet throo.
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iT'skye, this munth, al just look t'same az if it hed
biiii dun ovver we black lead an whitenin.
Rub yer heels we turpentine ta keep t'frost aght.
Bunfire day. — Nah, lads, be suar yo mind at when
i yor e lettin rockits off, ta houd em aslant ; cos
I t'Man it Mooin fun a good deal a folt t'last year,
j becos wun went reight throot skye, an hed likeand
! ta set thai"e hause a fire.
If it snaws all't day ta day, t'graand al be white;
uah just tack noatis.
Owd batchillors begins ta crooedal thersenze up on
a lump e bed at ueets, like hedge-hogs.
Tommy Kenny Club istablisb't 1792; an wun ather
j main rules wor, at if onny at members spack a
j sensable wurd, thay wor tum'd aght at saciaty.
Ned Nut hed a mule at gallap't hauf an haar e
] twenty minits, 1816.
[Begin a brewin nah abaght, for Chresamas ; an
mind an let it be dubble ex, cos ah sal happan
be giein sum on ye a bit ov a call like.
Jerry Jowlter bate boath hiz awn ears oflf, 1 570.
Theal be a new mooin it skye sumtime ta day ; nay,
that's all.
Frosty. — Hey, an mind at sum on ye izant laid up
at "floor as streight as a booit-jack, singin aght,
" Oh, my head."
Yung wimmin may keep ther stockins on for abaght
hauf an haar after thave gottan inta bed, but noa
longer ; owd wimmiu an maids may do as thave
a mind.
A sup a stew made ov a caws hind leg al be varry
good just nah, if yo can manidge ta get houd on"t.
Wlien Harry Hop chresand thare bairn, he carried
it all't way throot cherch to thare hause rang end
up, an diddant naw.
-^
4-
20
DECEMBER.
Up, up, good foaks, December's here, an a rare owd trump iz he,
Cum frost or snaw, or coud winds blaw, a jolly dog il be ;
Then tap yer barrils, jokers all, when Chresmas-eme draws near,
An drinK success ta ivvery wun, an a happy gay New Year.
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Coud an wet. — Not like az it wor we a chap it west
country, at Frenk Froth tawks abaght. He sez,
wunce when he wor e goin across sum cloises, he
saw a chap stanin it middle ov a pond we hiz head
just peepin aght at top at wattai-; he staird at him
for abaght hauf a miunit, thinkin he knew hiz
faice, an then call'd aght, " Jack, wotivver ar ta
doin in thear! thai he draanded, raun." " Wisht,"
sed Jack, "doant menshan it, am gettin a coud."
" Gettin a coud," sed Frenk, " a think thagh will,
so az its freezin, wot ar ta doin soa for !" " Wha,"
replied Jack, az hiz jaws rattal'd, " cos am goin
ta sing baise at Honly Cherch t'next Sunday."
Ital be fine ta day, if thearze noa uther soart a
weather.
It izant true at a teetoataler gat hiz noaze fast it
neck ov a ginger-beer bottle, an thay wor foarst
ta breck it ta get it off.
Unlucky day. — Mally MufSndoaf split t'cap on hur
knee we sneezin.
Thick fog. — Sich an anuther az Jomiy Longlaps wor
in, when he ran we hiz head agean a oak-tree, an
nock't nine fut a bark off wit brig on hiz noaze.
Chresmas Erne. — Tap t'barril, an just tack't ale of
at wood, then yol naw wether its good or noa;
put t'yuil-clog upat fire ; doant faget that upa
noa acaant, an be suar an doant let it all be burnt
away, cos thear mun be a bit saiv'd till t'new
yeai' cums in, for luck.
Chresmas Day. — Thear, nah, t'gam begins, t'doar
al nivver keel for a munth, mind if it duz, we
foaks cumin ta wish ye a " Merry Chresmas."
Theaze wun chap amang't lot at cums at puts my
pipe aght, an that's t'grave-digger ; nali it looks
ta me, do ye naw, summat like two faicin him
goin abaght ; cos look at t'idea on a grave-dig-
ger wishin onny boddy a merry Chresmas : just
think a this, an turn it ovver e yer awn mind.
^^-
OBZERVASHANS
UPAT PLANITARY SYSTAM.
Dear Foaks,
Anuther year hez just rowl'd itsen intat wurld, an wot
al bit end on it, its noa use me tellin yo, cos yo all naw az
weel az ah do, at it al bit thurty-furst a December.
Hevin, az yov seen, gooan throot vairious munths it
year, al nah sit mesen daan an gie yo a bit ov an accaant a
things at belongs tut planitary systam, boath it inside at
gloabe an it aght ; t'egshackt patickelers a wich, av cum'd
to we noa small piece a trubble, yo may depend on it. Eaze
menny a time (speikin hireaglifically) wen ah sud a bin set
daan gettin me dinner at hoame, av bin at t'North-Powl,
tryin ta find aght weather it wor sqware or raand, an ta see
if t icehickles thear wor made at same soart a stutt' az thay
are at Bairnsia; av dun this, sea, wal me noaze, throo
bein sa coud, hez bin az blue az an owd womman's elbow.
Agean, when ah sud a bin fast asleep e bed, av bin waukin
amang t'claads, an slurrin daan t'back side at skye inta
" caos," cuvver'd all ovver we dust an cockwebs, wal av bin
a regeler mule-colour ; so, yo see, a chap beginin Maister
for hizsen in Astronamy iz noa eazy job. Nah, theaze bin
a good deal writtan be Hurshill an uther larnt men, homast
az clever az mesen, but thare all rang, an ime reight, de-
pend on it, an that yol find aght, if yo liv long enif. Wha,
theaze nivver a wun on am teld yo weather t'sun wor square
or raand, nobbat look at that; then, worrant it time, think
yo, at sumady like mesen sprang up ta inleeten yo ? Ta be
suar it wor ; an yo owt ta goa daan onta yer bended nogs
ievvry wun_on yo, ta think at sich an a chap az me wor born.
22
It furst plaice, ta gie yo sum noashan a me paars upa
Skyeometry, al begin wit
SUN. — Nah, sum foaks sez, (ah mean Stronamers,) at
t'sun iz i-eight raand, summat like a dumplin-mould ; nah,
it's nowt at soart, cos, if it wor, doant yo see at wen it gat
past t'centrical seam at gloabe, at it ad rowl daan t'side or
t'faice at skye, an burn am all ta death it West Indias ; ta
be suar it wod. Then, wot ah tell yo iz, at sun iz wot thay
may call a hauf-raand, summat like a Dutch cheese cut e
two; or raither, ah sud say, a bowl, like what thay rowl
greensauce in, an theare t'fire iz put intat inside on it; an
wot macks it move sa nicely an sa regeler, theaze a lot a
mashenery fix't it East we sails too, like a windmill, but a
deal moar cureaser, an thear it's alias goin day an neet. —
Sum Skyeologers sez (hey, an thay stick to it an all) at
t'sun iz made fast, an at gloabe goaze raand on a axil-tree,
same az a barril-chern ; nah, wot nonsense that iz, cos, if it
wor soa, wha we sud hev ta run up t'skye-side like a squir-
ril in a caige, or a maase in a glaiz'd panshan, ta keep on
wir legs. But wot ad be war then all that, frocks, maan-
tains, hauses, hay-stacks, pig-trofs. an ivvery thing else, ad
tumal daan at toiJ on uz ; an't rivers an't draw wells ad be
emptied, an cum daan it same way, we that ivvery boddy
nearly ad boath be kill'd an draanded. Hevin sed thus
much, wil move ontat next orb, an that iz —
T'MOIN — call'd be vulgar an unedecated foaks, "t'parish
lantern." — Az this cums under't second head a skyeological
notifications, ah mean ta say at yol be wunderstruck when
yov heard wot av gottan ta say upat subject, Theaze bin
nowt but differin amangwun skye-peeperan anuther, abaght
^constitution at Moin ivver sin t'furst neet it wor fun aght :
wun sez, at it's a raand hoyle cut it skye ; anuther sez, it's
t'shaddah at sun ; an a thurd sez, at it's a wurld same az this
iz, not inhabited be livin objects, but at theaze burnin
maantains, cataracks, rivers, an forests, squander'd all up
an daan it. Nah, wot nonsense this iz, cos, wot's fuse on a
wurld, wethaght theaze sumady livin in it ? If id sed at id
seen a jackass nepin thisals in a lain, or f bellman we a
23
wheelbarrah cryin cockles, or two wimmin diiFerin abaght
nowt, a boddy mud a tain a bit a noatis happan ; but az it
iz, it izant wurth while tryin ta believe it. Then, agean, a
fowart sez, at it's a raand river, made ta supply t'claads we
moister, an he trys ta prove it, be sayin, at that's t'reason at
t'mooin looks wattery sa ofFan. If ah recaleckt, he wor a
teetoataler at gav this last accaant. Nah, ta refute an con-
sternate all this, ah tell yo, at t'mooin iz nowt na moar, nor
nowt na less, then a skye-leet, mov'd abaght wit same
mashenery az wot t'sun iz. This explainashan, ah hoape,
al boath pleaze an satisfy yo, an be sum sarvice ta risin
generations. Wil nah goa ontat
STARS. — Theaze little twinklin specks a fire, an wot
looks az small az brass nails tut naked ee, iz, by my skye-
crascope calkalashans, abaght ten times az big az a grinal-
stan, an thay fit intat skye we shenks like a bell-button.
Nah, sum ignerant foaks al say, when a star iz seen ta drop,
or shooit, az thay call it, at its nowt but a spark or a snuff
ats tumald off. Nah, it's a rang noashan this alltagether,
cos, av awthoraty ta say, at t'reason theaze stars leaves ther
plaices, iz, at t'man it moin, when eze sweepin t'skye-floor,
al nock a shenk off sumtime we hiz brush-head, so we hevin
nowt ta houd by, daan thay tumal intat claads, an thear
gets sleck't aght : this al accaant for rain-watter sumtimes
bein sa varry warm.
RAINBOWS. — Wal wir up it elements, will just noatis
this finonema, be way a mackin t'cause moar clearer then
wots ivver bin laid daan be onny filossafers it ainshant or
modern times. Blackborn, a genias livin at t'prezant time
near tut city a Pogmoor, sez, at this cercular bow ats seen
across t'skye, iz nowt it wurld else but a crack, shewin't
thickness at gloabe, an all't colours yo see, iz wot he calls
fstrata. Anuther chap hez it, at its a wurl-pool ats it mid-
dle at red sea, an when a hauf-mooin passes ovver't spot, it
thraws it shaddah upads. Anuther great fellah at ah naw,
records it az bein t'retleckshan at rim at fly-wheel at uni-
varse when t'sea's low. Nah, this caant be true, cos, if it
wor, ah sud a nawn all abaght it ; soa, ta satisfy yo, an
24
mack things clear, ah tell yo at it's a brig ats thrawn ovver
wot Stroiiamers call " spaice," soaaz Jupiter may get across
ta titean t'equanockshan line after theaze bin a whurlwind.
Yo may tack this az a fact; if not, yo may ax't t'man it
mooin yersen, for he teld me, if onny boddy did. Theaze
•vvun moar piece ov astronomekal infamashan ah sud like ta
tawk ta yo abaght, an thats't,
CLAADS. — Well, nah, theaze iz moast astonishin things ;
an accordin ta my mezerment, eaze abaght three thaasand
hacker a different soats: eaze wun for rane, wun for hale, wun
for snaw, an wun for all macks a wether. T'man it mooin
tells me at thare e goin ta mack fifty hacker moar a new
claads for Ireland, owin ta tliear bein sa menny teetoatalers
thear ; for, sez he, if it duzant rane ivvery uther day, thay
begin a gizanin a all sides, like stuf 't turkeys, for want a
summat ta drink. Hah theaze claads iz made, yol want ta
naw, am suar. Then, yol understand, it furst plaice, theaze
a valve abaght two fut oif at North-powl inta " caos;" this
iz turn'd, an aght rushes a lot a stagnashan'd air, which iz
mixt we smooke, foarst throo Maant Etna in a pipe, an wot
rizes throot chimleys. This bein dun, off it goaze e differ-
ent pairts at gloabe like thisal-dawn, an sucks watter up
aght at sea. Wot macks it rane, iz, when thay cum e con-
tackt wun we anuther, its like squeezin a spunge full a
watter; thats freason at its alias rainin sumwhere. — Thear,
nah, ah begin ta think at av sed eniff at this time, tutchin
t'planitery, claadatery, an uther lofty matters ; an it next
book, yo shall hear upa this skyeantific subject moar in-
terestin patickalers.
Watter-Gaiges. — Befoar ah goa inta patickalers abaght
cumin events, it al be moar stronamical, like, ta gie yo an
accaant at debth at wet at tumald at different plaices all
t'last year. Ah doant mean ta tack that inta noatis, mind
yo, wot idle foaks thraws aght at chaimber-windaz ; if ah
did, ah sud want anuther book az big ageau az this iz : ah
mean, wot cums fair aght at claads. Then thear wor at
Skelmanthorpe pinfowd, 3 fut 9 inches ; Jonny Batty pig-
troff, 2 yards ; Pogmoor, 3 fut 12 inches; Siberia, 14 yards;
"20
Hickam-it-North, 4^ fut; Jeruslam, 10 inches; Betty Brum-
by's watter-tub, 4 yards 17 times ovver; t'Isle-a-Skye, 2
yards an hauf an inch; Toad-Hoyle, 150 gallons; t'Sough
Dyke, Bairnsla, (a varry diff'eciilt calkelashan this, owin
tut tide,) 10 yards an a nail. But t'deepest fall a watter ov
onny plaice e this country ats cum ta hand, wor daane avuii
at spaghts at goaze throot top a Sant Paul's, e Lunnun, tut
bottom.
Cumin Events, — Be wot ah can see throo my skyecra-
scope, a good deal a uneaziness an anksiety a mind al ex-
hist amang't wesherwimin, owin tut wetness at days: sum
al get into a rage, an beng things abaght, same az if thay
wor red boat ; wal uthers, if thay can nobbat get owd on a
sup a tea we a drop a strike-fire in it, an a good blazein fire
ta stick't winter-hedge befoar, all al be reight, depend on it.
If irae not mistain, theaze summat ov a warlike soart ov a
natur threatans t'womman tribe: it hings fair ovver Sped-
din-fowd, Bozlam-square, t'Nook, Jumal-Iane, t'Pinfowd
hill, an Amen-corner ; am aftVead it al be dreadful ; theal
be tungue agean tungue, fist agean fist, cap agean cap, an
scrat agean scrat : this, accordin tut planetary bodiz, al be
a sum durashun. Theal be a good deal a underhand wark,
too, amang't middle class a sociaty ; ah mean, it shap a
backbitin an illifyin wun anuther, but not quite sa much az
e former years : noa, it weant do ; foaks thare beginnin ta
hoppan ther ees, an discover woa ther enemies ar. An glad
am I ta see a conjunkshan we all this. Pride, hey, that
hatefuU pride, which hez long bin rampant, al begin ta
humble itsen; an time it did, for its strutted abaght itwurld
long enif, carein fa noabdy, we it's beggarly purse. Soa,
look e this quarter for a better an moar cumfatubble state a
sociaty an things.
Nah, am suppoaz'd ta hev gottan tut stump-end at t'last
munth it year ; an thear seems ta me ta be summat brewin,
but weather it be ale or sedition, ah caant reiglitly say ;
but it al happan be wot ah menshand at furst; if so, all al
be reight, al warrant it.
C
26
N.B. — Yol think it varry strainge, iioa daght, at av niv-
ver menshand noawhere it consarn abaght an Eclipse at
Sun or t'Mooin; t'reason on it iz.at when ad that unfortnat
job a tumalin daan Sam Stithy's chimley, ah twisted me
Skyecrascope, an brack me sect- pin at ah discover Eclipsas
we: its a great loss ta sociaty, am aware; but it cuddant be
help, soa yo mun wait wal fnext year, cos it izant sa weel
ta be made wise all at wunce.
T'followin, yol understand, iz't Hireaglifick; but wot it
iz, yol recaleckt, am not goin ta tell, soa yo mun try an find
it aght.
T'HIREAGLSFSCK.
^0 tola tKalli m etitb iEtljis
13utj ©sttatcl li)0 al Eitts
*pur iSrtr cc iHittljra Inl&gpo €ri ^
rjjatoa g
at >7eanlet Iibft m Sallt #m=
f)Cft asag. Z^^'
T' WETHER AN UTHER SIGNS.
If a womman's seen ta scrat hur head, an bite hur lip at
same time, expeckt a storm.
When a cat's seen lickin't tip-end on it tail, theaze suar
ta be moister it hair.
If two nabors happanze ta brew tagether, no matter wea-
ther it be summer or winter, theaze suar ta be sum ale.
When a lot a pigs gets into a potaty-cloise, expeckt a
convidshan it earth.
If yo hear a gun crack in a wood, look for a daan-fall.
TUT
BAIRNSLA OWD SET A RINGERS,
IZ MOAST HUMBLY DEDECATF.n BIT
AUTHOR.
Nah, me lads, am goin ta tell ta yo a fanny tale, —
At least, ah think its wim mesen, so here goaze tooith an nail :
Sum five-an-thurty year ago, az near az ah can guess,
(Or happan not sa long, yo naw, it may be summat less,)
Eight Batmsla lads tuck in ther heads, not nawin hah ta sing,
At thay wod start, hey wun an all, an lam thersenze ta ring ;
St. Mary's bells wor fixt upon, bein all thear wor it taan,
-An sich a rah thay made at furst, foaks thowt thade puU am daan.
But on thay pusht, an varry sooin thay made each clapper tell,
At thay cud singal just like nowt, an strike weel ivvery bell.
Nah woa theaze nawin lads all wor, an wot thay did am call,
Al just here name, — then, like mesen, yol naw am wun an all :
Bill Fleetwood, then, yol understand, wor t'leadin chap it" set,"
An this ah say, be wot ah naw, he ardly ere wor bet ;
Jack Addy, too, wunce pull'd t'same rope, an not amiss wor he ;
An next to him George Gillatt wor az fussy az cud be;
Then to hiz left, az fearce az owt, stood little Barney Hyde,
An he wor famed for callin " Bob ! " — hey twice ta all beside.
Nah Milner, Utley, Denton, Gray, macks up the niunber eight,
But wot thay rung ah cant pretend ta tell egshacktly reight;
For thay sa offance chaing'd ther bells, ta suit thersenze no daght,
Thearfoar ta say wich rope thay pull'd, ah happan sud be aght.
Tagether thus theaze ringers stuck for menny a good long year.
An az thay rung thay thowt thear wor no better onny where ; —
For " Kent" an " Oxford Treble Bobs," an " College Trebles" too,
Thay all cud start on onny time, an faultless ring am through :
" Morn" an " London Pleasures," too, ta them wor eazy jobs,
An ivvery thing it ringin way beside wor in ther nobs.
28
Pride nah began ta prompt am on — at least sij' ov the lot—
For wun or two bed cut ther stick, an thay wor all tbade got ;
Tbus off thay went, brimfull a glee, araang the Moorland sons,
An Peniston bells wor heard that day ta saand like disant guns ;
This wor ta try (ah sud a sed) woa best cud pull the ropes.
But luckless here wor Bairnsla chaps, all blasted wor ther hopes —
" A sore an sad consarn iz this ! " thay wuu an all nah cried.
But all the blame is on the back ov that thear Barney Hyde*.
Nah Barney bed a faithful dogf that went bit name a Wolf,
An, when biz jaws extended wor, resembled much a gulf;
This trusty dog he alias went whererc hiz maister did.
An just ta mack hiz value moar, he did az he wor bid.
Nah on this day, the ringin day, poor Wolf wor left it street,
An we him hevin goan sa far wor lame e all hiz feet;
Sum roguish lads, woa saw Mm thus, snatch't up a piece a rail,
An in a second he wor off we it tee d to biz tail.
Helter skelter daan the hill he went we menny a grin,
An foaks thay laft as he ran by ta see him bite at string;
But sooin poor Wolf hiz peaceful hoam he reach't e breathless glee,
An thear he gat hiz tail reliev'd, an rai-e an pleaz'd wor he.
Not daunted then, theaze Bairnsla lads resolv'd ta try wunce moar
Ta gain the laurels that thade lost at t'cherch upon the Moor ;
Away ta Darton then thay went, we hearts az leet az air.
An thear ta all araand sed thay, " Will mack the natives stare."
But here, alas, ther boasted luck turn'd daan a different tide,
An wun an all ageau cried aght, " Its all that Barney Hyde ! "
Time pass'd on, an menny a peal thay rang amang thersenze,
In hoaps that practice for the past wod shortly mack amenze.
* The reader should be told, that at all the Prize-Ringings in which the Com-
pany in question attended, and were not successful, they invariably laid the
blame on Barney Hyde, as having been the only defaulter ; not that it was so,
but merely as an excuse for their mishap ; for perhaps in the science of Ringing
he was not inferior to any of them.
t This dog was of the French breed, and from his singular appearance excited
attention ; he was, however, a faithful attendant to his master, and was seen and
known at all the Prize-Ringings in the neighbourhood, but was unhappily-
marked down by all the good folks in the village as an omen of ill luck; this
will account no doubt for the sad persecution thus alluded to.
29
News cum agean, — anuther match at Silkstene wod be rung,
Ta this, sed thay, like az befoar, " Will wiu it just like fun."
Well ; thus thay went, an ivveiy man resolv'd ta do hiz best ;
The day wor fine, — an this ah naw, the wind wor in the west ;
The favourin breeze on Silkstone Fall caus'd huudards thear ta stand,
An as the saand rang through the trees, thay sed its really grand ;
And so it wor, but sooin a chainge spread desperashan raand,
For ivvery bell in discord clapt, an sooin thay ceas'd ta saand ;
Then off thay cut ta Bairnsla Taan, each grumalin ivvery stride,
An as thay went, the fault agean thay laid on Barney Hyde.
The greatest men that ere wor bom hez sad mishaps at times,
Then doant be daan an gie it up, think not ov sich designs ;
" Not so," cried thay, all Phenix-like, " will awther rise or fall,
An when a chonce ere cums agean, will honour ti'ue the call :"
No sooiner sed, then ihroo the saath* an in-vitation cum.
An oif thay went, like Britons all, ta see wot cud be dun.
But sad misfortan, as befoar, sooin on ther heads befell ;
Ah wod not thus hev stated it, but mines the truth ta tell;
Thay felt it much, yo may depend, that cannot be deny'd.
An sich a callin ah near heard as thay gav Barney Hyde.
Nah, time rowl'd on, an theaze defeats began ta dee away,
An Bairnsla lads cheer'd up agean az fresh az flaars e May.
So thus ta cut the story short, an wind the matter up,
Thay rung at last on Royston bells, an won a silver cup.
Tills, thowt thay, wor wonderous grand, an all delighted, cried,
" Hurra ! hurra, for Bairnsla chaps, an weel dun Barney Hyde ! "
Thear nah, fareweel, good fellows all, me name ah winnat tell,
But here subscribe wun to yor view,
ST. GEORGE'S LITTLE BELL.
* Ecclesfield.
30
TOMMY KENNY CLUB.
This Club, at am g-oin ta g-ie yo a bit an acaant abaght,
wor establish 't at Bairnsia, sumwhere abaght fifty year
sin, an wor vvun at rumist e all't country. It wor guv-
vernd be two rules; t'furst wor, them at did t'moast fooil-
ish thing, or sed t'moast fooilish wurd, wor made t'chair-
man ; an seckand wor, them at spaok a sensable wurd
wor ta be turn'd aght at saciaty. T'followin iz a list at
chairmen, just as it stands it club-book : —
CHAIRMEN.
Neddy Allbrains — Muck't anuther man's cloise astead
on hiz awn.
Caleb Carrytale — Sed at Betty Jumper wor sea-sick e
ridin throo Pogmoor ta Bairnsia in a broad-wheel'd cart.
Dicky Drolldaddy — Rung a litter a suckin pigs ta keep
am throo rooitin ; an ivvery time thay went tut owd
sue ta suck, thay prick't hur soa wit wire, at off shoo
cut raand t'straw-tbwd, gruntin an sqealin an bleedin
like heigo mad, an t'youngans full tilt after hur ; an
thear thay woi", an Dicky nivver fun it aght wot wor
amiss we am, wal sumdy tell'd him, an't pigs pined ta
death nearly.
Tommy Tutchwood — Made a turnap-rowler at wodant
turn it middle ov a six hacker cloise.
Paul Pumicestoan — Sed at a toad-stooil wor a fossil.
Jim Grunsil — Tried ta tee hiz awn shadda agean a tree,
becos it freetand him wun mooinleet neet.
Sam Sillyway — Set sum sheep-bars raand t'hay-cloise ta
keep't wattar aght.
Harry Hollyoak — Sew two haance a gunpaader for
onion-seed ; when id waited two munths for it cumin
up, he sed at seed worrant wurth a hep.
31
Tom Turnithead — Went hauf a mile we a cullinder ta
fetch sum watter for hiz gronmuther.
Sam Softy — Made a woodan gridiran for hiz awn use.
Neddy Nadge — Made a wheelbarrah we a sqware trunal.
Luke Littlenob — Put a riddle it pickin-hoyle, soa az
t'wind mudant blaw throo intat laith.
Jerry Gozlin — Cut t'duck-beaks to a small point, so az
thay mudant pick up na moar corn then t'hens did.
Billy Buttox— Made a pair a getters boath for wun leg.
Tommy Thowtless— Belt a wall raand t'straw-fowd, an
when thade dun, he fun it aght at thade left t'broad
wheel'd cart in, an thear thade ta pull pairt on it daan
ta get it aght.
Jerry Jaylegs— Put hauf a paand a canals intat huvan
ta dry.
David Dubbin — Made two c^uairts a melted butter a ba-
con-fat.
Giles Gingertoppin— Clip't all t'nap off on hiz Sunday
hat, becos sumdy tell'd him at it ad grow agean.
Ralph Rosindust — Went wun day ta look throo Wintath
Hause, an when he gat hoam agean, he tell'd hiz wife
at id seen wun at grandist tables e all't wurld, for it
hedant wun leg e like.
Billy Brearly — Pind hiz awn caw, waift hur, an then
seld hur ta pay expences we.
Mike Merrylegs — Az soon az he gat hoam throo
Dodath-feast, teld hiz gronmuther at id bin donsin a
wall-pipe an a three-handad reel be hizsen.
members turn'd aght.
Neamia Noodle— For sayin at t'faandashan-stoan a
Plickam pinfowd wor laid next tut graand.
Frenk Fatal — For saying, at if a man wor born ta be
heng'd id nivver be draanded.
32
SAM SHUTTLE'S
RULES,
Ta be put ovvor ivvery hodiz Fire-plaice ats a mind,
AT BEGINNIN AT YEAR 1843.
Mind an iiivver put yer ear to yer nabor's lock-lioyle, nor yer ee to
a crack it wiuda-sbut, becos, if yo doo, yo set yer tungue agate a
liein derecktly.
Recaleckt burnin couks macks a heat fire, tben doant thraw am ontat
has-middin.
Befoar yo put yer stockius on in a mornin, look if tbear be onny
boyles it heels, if tbear iz, mend am.
Alias balie two oal days befoar yo run aght a bread, if yo can.
Mind an clean tVindaz wunce a week at least, then yo can see t'foaks
goa by.
Idle foaks alias drives t'wesbin day till flatter end at week, mind
yo doant.
When yo go up stairs ta mack t'bed, doant put yer head aght at chaim-
ber-winda, cos its a bad look-aght it'yo do.
Try ta hev ivvery thing yo want wethaght borrain.
It's a bad sign when yo goa into a nabor's hause aboon wunce a day.
Nivver uze t'fryin pan, nobbat on a Pancake Tuseday, cos ah reckan
em t'warst piece a furnitur at a poor man can hev in hiz hause.
If yor coil-hoyle's beside ov anuther, mind an alias biun yer awn ; —
nivver mind't temptashan.
When yo clean't door-step, think on an do a little bit a summat at
hause-fioor an all at same time.
Nivver sweep't fire-grate wit hand-brush, cos, if yo do, ah call it a
bumin shame.
Doant stand gapein an starein at yard-end or a Sunday at foaks goin
tut cherch, but get yersenze clean'd an foUah thare example.
Recaleckt, a mucky cap an a rog'd gaan iz t'sign a idleness ; then
doant yo hev owt at soart.
When yo brush yer shooze up a yer feet, mind an doant faget t'heels ;
but its a nasty sluvinly trick at best on it, so try ta brush am when
thare oil'.
Nivver try ta wesh at same day a nabor duz ; cos, if yo do, yol ten ta
wun get iiita hoat waller abaght t'cloaze-line.
-MALLY MUFFINDOAF'S LETTER
TELLIN HUR HAH TA BRING T'YUNG PRINCE UP.
Bairnsla, Nuvember Ninet, 1842.
Mrs. Queen,
Nah, my good Laidy, hah dun yo all do. Yo see am
as good as me wurd abaght writein yo ; its not sa sooin, nawther, as
ad ment j but yo see, a boddy hez sa monny things ta do we hevin a
family a childer ta look after, eaze alias a summat wants doin : a
button settin on after thave goan ta bed, or a shoolder-strap, or a
string upa ther pettycoit, an lots a uther little matters, yo naw. Be-
side, sin a,h wrate ta yo befoar, av gettan a Mengal, an am suar its
wun bodiz wark that iz ta look after it, an ta lizen tut tales at wesh-
erwimin an sarvent-lasses brings ; av wish't menny a time, sin ah gat
it, at it wor at bottom at sea ; becos, yo naw, am not wun a them soart
a bodiz az likes ta hear foaks illified an tawk't abaght behind ther
back ; an theaze a menny on am al say things consarnin yo, but ah
suddant like it ta be menshand at av gien yo a bit ov a hint on it,
becos wun hez ta get wer livin amang sich like. A little wurd sum-
times, spockan inasantly, macks a great deal a mischief, at least av
fun it soa e my bit a time ; t'bcst way iz, ta say yes an noa to ther
34
tales, for t'least sed iz't sooinist mendad, depend on it. But thear iz
wun good thing, ah can say moar ta yo then ah uze ta cud, when that
tuther womman wor at yor hause, ah mean t'Barraniss : my wurd,
thear wor sum bonny wark it plaice when that owd lass wor thear.
Yo naw, if ah am a poor womman, an lives at Bairnsla, ah hevant
fagottan ahaght that nice young laidy at deed, noa, nor nivver sal,
wal t'day am e goin up ar street tut tune at minnit knowl. Sea, if
shood been my dowter Sal hersen, ah cuddant a feeld for hur moar
then ah did an duz just at this time. But thats nowt at all, my good
Laidy, ta do wit consam at am e writein ahaght.
Ah teld yo befoar, at ah sud like ta gie yo a bit a my advice ah ta
bring t'yung Prince up, soa az, if he lives, il make a man on hizsen,
an be a pattern-caird in hiz kingly duties, an morality ta hiz subjects,
an all't surraandin nashans abroad. Yo naw, theaze a good deal
depends a wot soart ov a womman yo hev for a nurse. Theaze sum —
hey, marry, scoars at ah naw — spoils an ruins bairns we ther nasty
tempers, an lettin am roar be an haar tagether it creddle, wal thare
off calin amang t'nabors. Tliis womman at yo hev, ah hoape, shooze
a farrantly soart ov a boddy, an liez nowt a that soart ahaght hur ; if
soa, its a good job, am suar, becos thay caant be ta lively an tidy, an
tentive we childer. An be suar, when t'wether's fine, let tlad be tain
aght a doors for a bit a fresh airj but mind an let him hev a bit a
muzlin befoar hiz faice, becos ah alias think when thare sa young, at
t'sun damages ther ee-seet ; an be suar at yo an yer husband goaze an
all, cos it looks better, espeshly for sich like foaks as yo ta do soa.
Bless ye, when ad my furst bairn, ar Billy an me wor off be oal days
tagether we it, we wor sa pleaz'd; but nab, ween get sa menny chil-
der, wha ov summat else ta do, ah can assure yo. Well, but we yo its
differant, an so yo can do az av bin advizin ye.
Theaze anuther thing ; be suar yo doant let t'nurse try him to wauk
ta sooin, becos it macks ther little henkles stick aght, an bowleg'd it
bargain : an yo see, if that wor't caise, id happan get call'd a Sheffild
nogler az long az he liv'd. Az for mescn, ah wor alias varry patick-
aler ahaght am footin t'graand sa sooin ; an if yo be wise, an thinks
jny advice wurth owt, be yo soa an all.
35
Nah, theaze ar Ned, (but ah cuddant help it,) eze as bowleg'd as a
haand whelp ; it wor dun we nowt it wurld else, but we sittin astride ov
a barril at we uzed ta mack helliger in : yo see, ah put it bit side at
fire ta get sooiner saar, an ah cuddant keep him off on it, do an say all
ah cud ; but nah eze grown up ta be a middlin-sized lad, eze sadly off
abaght it, cos he caant wear a pair a stripet traasers like hiz cumer-
ades ; if he duz, he looks ashamed ta be seen, we hevin sich rainbow
legs; beside, all t'yung lassas macks gam oh him when eze a donsin
at feast-time, an that tutches hiz pride warse then owt.
Ah sud think abaght nah, t'yung Prince al be wantin sum toys ta
lake we j an if ah wor yo, ah sud be varry nice abaght wot soart thay
wor. It nobbat looks simplish soart ov advice, but depend on it, eaze
moar meanin e them things nah a days then menny a fooil thinks on ;
forif yov noatist am,yol hev seen Boanepairt a horse-back, fooit-back,
e puzzle-boxes, an lots a uther things: nah, tell me if thear izant
summat moai- then just jileasin t'baims ; ta be suar theai" iz, but that
izant all: theaze Boanepairt made inta watch-seals, pipe-stoppers,
umbrella an waukin-stick nobs, broaches, chimley ornaments e lots a
ways, painted upa snuff-boxes; nay, marry, ah doant uaw wot besides
he izant picktard aght on. — what ah say, its between uz two senze, yo
naw, — but depend on it, theaze sum Poapery wark at bottom on it, an
noan a little bit nawther, tack my wurd for it.
Nah, then, eaze this skooilin ; yor best plan al be ta let him goa ta
sum owd womman. All sud varry much like, if yo cud spare him
aght a yer seet, ta cum ta ar hause, an goa tut same skooil at ar Bess
an Dick duz ; shooze a varry nice soart ov a missis, al assure yo ;
eaze not a better e all't Taane for gettin am on it furst ruddements a
laniin; bless ye, thare aght at A,B,C,intat Reedy-madeasy e no time;
an shoo duzant put a wedge e ther maath, an thimal-pie am when thay
do a bit a owt rang, same as a menny duz. Beside, shoo goaze tut
Cherch regeler ivvery Sunday, an that's wurth a trifle ; if yol nobbat
let him cum,shool be rare an praad, ah naw, ta think at shooze t'honer
a teichin a yung King ta read off at point ov a needle. But this yol
tawk ower amang yersenze ; an if yo mack up yer minds ta let him
cum, he sal liv same as we do — ah mean t'baims, yo naw — an thave
36
boil'd milk we oat -cake sopt iii ; an sumtimes thickaus, sweetand we
trakle, to ther breikfast ; an at dinnar-time thave a puddin, as thick
as a Greenmoar fleg, made at best flaar : if owt can beat that for cliil-
dea, ile hev nowt for it. If he wor ta get this soart a stuff wal he wor
abaght nine year owd, id be as strong as a donkey, an tit then ta goa
to a better soart ov a skooil. But, agean, mind yo, ah sud be varry
cawshas woa ah sent him too, theaze ower much underhand wark goin
on nah-a-days e this country, boath we yer awn subjecks, an foaks at
cums throo't tuther side at herrin-poand. Thay want nawther King
nor Queen, nor nowt else, but a regeler scramal ; then, when that bed
tain plaice, that chap at thay reckan ta kiss his big toa, ad cum an
want ta bit maister at nashan. Hey, theaze a menny a wun a that
tribe, that hez upa ther tungue-end wot thay hevant e ther hearts, de-
jjend on it ; but thare seen throo, that's t'beauty on it. So we all this
befoar yo, ah begin ta think it ad homast be better for yo ta keep him
at hoame, an hev a teicher theai" ; but mind an let him be a Inglish-
man : beside, yo cud tak him tut Cherch we yo at Sundays, an see
at he sed hiz prayers neet and mornin,an reed t'Bible, an uther books
sich as Protestants owt ta reed ; il then be a blessin boath to yo an to
his country.
When he gets up to wot ah call a young man, an finish't his hedi-
cation, il begin then ta want ta goa aght intat wurld, that's nataral
eniff; but be suar an look weel after him, an doant let him get amang
theaze caird-parties an sich like, for if he duz, il play the deuce we
yor pocket, an ruin liis constitushan it bargin. Ah suddant like yo ta
check him ov a bit a pleasure, noan ah, marry ; ah sud hev nowt agean
him goin ta see't Tunnil-hoyle, Tawer, Sant Paul's, t'CoUanseum,
t'Zological Gardins, t'Monnement, t'Museam, an t'hatchit wot thay
chopt King Charley's head off we, becos ah think that ad be a mortal
lesson for him, an gie him a bit ov a inseet a wot ad be his duty when
he began a huggin t'craan a top on liis head. ,
Anuther thing, be suar at yo hev him we yo as much as ivver yo
can, for wot can be prattier then yer awn hoame, an all raand abaght.
Yo see, if yo get him a donkey, he can gallap up an daan't gravy -
wauks, grass plads, an throo wun end at turpentine river tut tuther.
37
an be as happy as a King, an yo as pleaz'd as a Queen ta see him. —
Theal be a lot a young lassas, av noa daght, callin ta see yo ant
young Princess, at least thale reckan ta do soa; but be yo up to am,
good Laidy, cos it al be all me eye, for thare e cumin for nowt else
but for yor son to fall e luv we sum on am. Mind this thing, doant
yo let him wed a dress-macker, cos, if he duz, il be let in, mind if he
izant, for av seen plenty on am ; thare poor helpless dawdles, an naws
na moar abaght hause-keepin then ah do abaght astronamy. All thay
think on iz, bein stuck on a chair or a soafa, tawkin abaght fine caps,
fine gaans an bonnits, an flaantin up an daan ; an as for am mixin
a puddin, or neidin a bit a bread, wha thade mack a side-saddle for a
drumaderry as sooin. Then, agean, ah sud be upat look aght an
mind at he diddant get houd ov a bobbin-winder, for thare ten times
warse then a dress-macker, if its possable, al least nineteen aght a
twenty on am iz, al be bun for it : as sooin as ivver wun a them gets
wed — at least e two days at after — shool naw all t'wimmin it naber-
hood, if theaze five hundard on am ; an sich an a hause shool hev for
muck, at its shockin. Nah, hevin meushand all this to yo, let me
perswade yo ta tell him ta hev a deasent soart ov a sarvent-lass, cos
thay naw hah ta wurk, thay do, an mack a man an hiz hoame cumfa-
tubble ; an that's t'situashan at ah sud like t'youug Prince ta be in :
mun, if eze a womman a that soart, il alias hev a clean shert nicetly
plaited it frunt ta put on, on a Sunday mornin, an a pair a good
stockins ta put on hiz feet. Yo naw, am nobbat just thrawin this aght
bit way ov a hint, for ah reckan il just pleaze hiz awn fancy, awther
for yo or me ; but let it be which way it will, yol think na war a me
for wot ive sed, am suar, becos yo naw av a good meanin boath to yo
an all't family, an alias hed : liey, marry, a bonny sect moar then sum
foaks, or else thay woddant want ta shooit yo, good Laidy. Wot an
a shame it iz, at thay shud be onny boddy liviu ta doo sich a thing !
When ah heard on it, ah sed ta Fanny Farrantly, " If ide nobbat that
nasty murderin villan und(;r ar mengal, ad rowl him wal he wor az
thin az a pan-cake," an sarve him reight too. An if ah wor yo, ah
wodant stop amang sich an a set : cum ta Bairnsla, an liv ; am suar ar
door sal be hoppan for yo onny day, or nect awther ; an sich as we hev
it hause yor welcum too. An sea, will mack all on ye as cumfatubblc
D
38
az we naw hah. Its true, we hevaut menny beds ; but yor huzband
cud lig we ar Billy, an yo cud lig we me ; an az for't bairns, ead be
sum way contrived. But this yo can tawk ovver amang yer two senze.
Soa at preasent, al say na moar, but wish yo good by, an good luck
wal ivver yo liv ; an when yo dee, ah hoape God all bless yo. That's
all ah can say to yo nab, my Laidy. So beleev me ta be
Yor true an luvin subject,
MALLY MUFFINDOAF.
Stop ! Eaze wun thing at ive quite fagottan ta menshan, an that
iz, let me beg an pray a yo not ta let t'Prince, when eze grown up
a man, ware mustashas, same as hiz Father duz ; for al be heng'd,
if he duzant look for all't wurld, like sumady goin up an daan we a
shoe-brush in biz maath.
39
TOM TREDDLEHOYLE'S AWN SEDS
" --r-- ,J
Al mack a stur amang ye — az't spooin sed tut porridge.
Av gottan into a scrape — az't chin sed tut raizor.
Wait wal ah get aght — az't cork sed tut soda-watter.
Sharp wark this — az't grass sed tut scythe.
We boath wear rings — az't pig sed tut laidy.
I'me up ta ye at last — az't kite sed tut claads.
Ah caant stop — az't stream sed tut pebble.
Yo mun goa — az't wind sed tut dust.
That's my bizness— az't butcher sed tut dog at wor killin
hiz sheep.
Al mack ye rise — az't yist sed tut doaf.
Ah caant hear ye — az't snail sed tut weggin-wheel.
Al do it we hair — az't brush ted tut cock-web.
Al turn ovver a new leaf — az't hurrekin e spring sed tut tree.
After me — az't needle sed tut threed.
Ah can bark az weel az yo — az't tanner sed tut yard-dog.
Al mack a man on ye — az't sculpter sed tut marble.
Ah doant value ye — az't auctioneer sed tut cubbard.
Yor too pointed — az't muffin sed tut toistin fork.
Al bit daanfall on ye — az't ball sed tut nine pins.
Cum ta me lap — az't cat sed tut milk.
Ah can roar az weel az yo — az't bull sed tut thunar.
Al gie ye a stave — az't carpenter sed tut brockan ladder.
Ah sal be glad ta receeve ye — az't empty purse sed tut
suwerin.
Yor too ruff— az't cloth sed tut tazzle.
Ah blaw ye all up — az't trumpet sed tut ridgement.
Yor noa man — az't magpie sed tut scar-craw.
Al be we yo in a crack — az't ball sed tut targit.
Wir owd friends — az't brandy-bottle sed tut red noaze.
It cuts sweet — az't knife sed tut spice-loaf.
BEN BOBBINHAT'S
LECTER TUT WEYVERS,
OR ON NY BODDY ELSE AT IT CONSARNS.
Nah, lads, av hed it e me head this noabdj'^ naws hah
long ta gie yo, what ah call, a bit ov a tawkin to. Yo
doant hauf pleaze me we yer goins on, be a good deal.
Theaze a set on ye, yo get stuck tagether bit Union-corner,
Beckett-square, an a menny moar spots like at ah cud
menshan, an thear yo ar, morn, nooin, an neet, tackin
ivvery boddy off at yo see. If a chap happans ta goa by
at squints a bit, yo shaut aght, " Look at owd gimlet-ee;"
an if anuther goaze by ats knock-a-kneed, yo hawk aght,
" Away witha, owd trusal-legs, an mind an doant get the
fooit fast in a cart-wheel." Same agean, if a poor fellar
goaze past we a hump-back, yo set up a great horse-laff,
an shaut, " Thear goaze owd maantin a misery, we hiz
trunk on hiz rig." An soa yo keep goin on Sunday an
waterday all elike; nay, yo weant een let a poor dog goa
by, wethagbt thrawin a owd shoe or a stoan at it. — An't
lasses, thare not a pin bettar tlien yo ar ; its a shame, am
suar, ta see am, rompin an jumpin abaght we ther bare
heads an bare necks ; thade moar likelier be at loom or
t'windin wheel, or doin a bit a dumestick wark, then
spendin ther time az thay do. Wha, it wor nobbat last
winter, when Dame Tidyback wor e goin up Sheffild-
Road for a bit ov a wauk, at Sal Sluvin tuck up a dead
cat bit hind-leg, an skew'd it reight across hur neck-hoyle,
an like't ta knock't hur bonnitoff an hur head; ah thowt
for suar t'owd lass ad a goan into a fit at after ; an thear
that impedant huzzy, an a lot moar, went an cock't ther
41
faices raand a corner, an did nowt but laflf an mack gam
on liur. Ah nivver struck a womman e all my life, but
ah cud a dun then an not a thowt ad dun rang, becos ah
wor sa mad, ta see sich an a thing dun in a civiliz'd
country like this.
It second plaice, theaze a varry deal a Sunday-wark
goin on ; its reight abobbinable ta see it, astead a gettin
up on a Sunday mornin, an cleanin yersenze az yo owt
ta doo, an goa tut Cherch or Chappil. An if yo doant
like ta go ta nawther a them spots, becos yo happan
hevant cloaze good eniff ta goa in, clap yersenze daan on
a stooil, or it winda-bottom, an reed a chapter or two aght
at Bible, or sum uther book ats likely ta doo yo sum
good; an doant meet, sa many on ye, at Jim Charter's,
Harry Headlong's, Bob Anarchy's, an Luke Levelall's,
ivvery Sunday, reedin an spaghtin stuff ats eniff ta mack
foak's hair stand streight a ther head. An theaze anuther
thing at ah reckan az bad within hauf an inch, an that
iz, at same day at am tawkin abaght, yo cut off e fives,
an tens, an twentys, e yer shert-sleeves an white haprons,
stockins daan, an yarn trailin abaght yer henkles same
az if yod just turn'd aght at weivin shop ; thear yo goa
intat cloises an woods, sum burd-catchin, sum nest-seekin,
sum fishin or dog-feightin, sum gettin sticks, pinchin an
tossin for brass ; an beside, thear izant a bean or a turnap
cloise, within five mile at taan, but wot yov made a road
into am. Nah this izant reight be a long way, an am az
serias az a hullat when ah say soa, cos eaze a menny on
yo ats wed, an hez bairns, an thale nattarly do az ther
father duz, espeshly if its owt ats bad.
Theaze anuther thing ah mean ta tell yo on, an then
av dun ; an that iz, when theaze plenty a wark, yo
stand gapein at door an't ginil-ends we short pipes e yer
maaths, Monday, Tuesday, Wedensday, hey, an homast
42
Thursday, an then yor foarst ta set too an waive fit ta
knock t'hoyle daane, neet an day, ta get t'piece aght at
loom be Setterday ; ah naw this is az common az it iz for
a pig ta chew coil. Then yo begin a grumlin an graalin,
at weivins a poar trade, an yo caant addle eniff ta bye
canals an sough we. Mun, yer ees al steil all t'cloaze off
a yer backs, if yo doant olter. Al be bun for it, if onny
boddy wor ta goa, on a Thursday, an rap at shop-winda,
an say, " Bill, witta goa an hev a jill a ale ? " t'shuttle
ad be az still az Heestan stoan derecktly, an aght id cum
az dry az a kex ; yo caant deny this a menny on yo, ah
naw yo caant. An thear yo ar, az av sed befoar, gapein
an starein at ginil-ends, all't for-end at week, we yer
arms teed on a knot, an if a midge wor ta fly bye we a
toppin on, yor suar ta see it an tawk abaght it for an
haar or two ; an if onny boddy hez gottan a good bull-
dog at can feight a bit, or a gam-cock at can dut same,
like ; or a gray lennit, gold-flinch, skye-lark, throsal, or
a blackbird, at can sing e stile, its grand : pearkin it
loom, we a piece a damask or drill befoar yo, iz nowt to
am ; an am suar if onny boddy wor ta cum intat taan, in
a bit ov a hurry, an say, thear wor goin ta be a dog -bat-
tle at Dodath, or at thade seen a dicky-dunack in a wood
onny where, five mile off, yod start off fit ta breck yer
necks, ta try which cud get thear furst ta see am. Nah
ah hoape yol tack wot av sed e good pairt, an doant
think na warse a Ben Bobbinhat for tellin yo a bit ov hiz
mind. Next time, ah mean ta gie t'wimmin foak a good
settin daan, ah do indeed ; soa good afternooin to ye
till't time cums.
fjx m.'m: ;>c :m:.x 'm: ,^ ,ac,:a:,:^
FOR 1842.
On the 10th of February the Proprietary of the Barnsley
Banking' Company unanimously voted 300 Guineas to
John Thornely, Esquire, one of the acting magistrates,
for his assiduous and faithful attention to the duties of
his appointment, as one of the Directors of that highly
respectable establishment.
Burton-bridge Mill, (occupied by Messrs. Jackson
and Watson, millers,) was destroyed by fire on the night
of the 26th of February, together with a large quantity
of grain and flour.
In consequence of the great distress which prevailed
at the commencement of this year, a public subscription
was set on foot by the inhabitants of this town. About
3000 individuals were supplied with food for several
months, four tons of Oatmeal, twenty -four tons of
Bread, and fifty-six tons of Potatoes being dispensed
during that period.
Ardsley new Church, together with the Burying-
ground, consecrated by the Archbishop of York, on the
7th of June, when His Grace held a Confirmation.
On the 27th of June Barnsley was recorded as one of
the towns for taking the Corn-Returns.
On the Rev. Charles Watson removing from the In-
cumbency of Monk Bretton Church, to the neighbourhood
of Darlington, the pew-holders and hearers attending
44
that place of worship, presented him with a splendid
silver Tea-pot bearing the following' inscription : —
" Presented to the Rev. Charles Watson, on the 4th July, 1842, by
his hearers at Monk Bretton, as a token of their esteem for him as a
Christian Minister and a Gentleman, during the period they have en-
joyed the benefit of his Ministerial labours."
On the 26th of September a Prize-Ringing took place
at Wragby, betwixt the six bell-ringers of Barnsley and
Darfield, for £20. The performance consisted of 5040
changes, which the former completed ; the Darfield com-
pany having got out in the fourth peal, the Barnsley
youths were declared the victors.
The Lord Bishop of Ripon held a Confirmation at
St. Mary's Church, Barnsley, on the 21st of October, on
which occasion many adults availed themselves of this
interesting rite.
On Monday and Tuesday, the 14th & 15th of Novem-
ber, a great Prize-Ringing took place at Barnsley. Fifteen
Companies of six bell-ringers, from difterent parts of
Yorkshire, attended. The prizes contested for were four
purses of £6, £4, £2, and £\, and were awarded to those
who rang the best of " Three True Treble Peals." The
Barnsley youths welcomed their brother-ringers by three
peals, which they executed in a style seldom equalled,
after which they took their seats as Censors, and the se-
veral Companies went on in the following order : —
Faults.
High Hoyland 206'5
Kirkheaton Out.
Wath 1271
Kirby Out.
Boystone 1617
Darton 2240
Silkstone Juniors Out.
Almondbury Seniors . . 1 060
The Censors, in the presence of the Committee, summed
up the number of Faults of each party, and awarded the
prizes as follows: — Holmfirth, first prize: Silkstone,
second ; Darfield, third ; and Almondbury Seniors, the
fourth. Ten Shillings each were given to the two Com-
panies from Mirfield and Meltham, these (among them
that rang through) having come the furthest distance.
Mirfield ...
Faults.
. 1458
JMeltham . . .
Holmfirth
. 1489
728
Darfield
Almondbury Juniors .
Silkstone Seniors
Ecclesfield
. 845
Out.
. 7.51
. Out.
45
The New Schools, connected with St. Mary's Church,
Barnsley, were completed in the month of October.
The design is in the Gothic order, Mr. John Whitworth,
of this town, being the architect.
A fine specimen of the Mammoth Gourd, or Cncnrhita
Maxima Papo, was cut in November, in the grounds of
John Birks, Esq., of Hemingfield, near Barnsley. Its
horizontal circumference was 5 feet 5| inches ; diameter,
1 foot 10+ inches; height, 1 foot 4^ inches; and weight,
6 St. 10 lbs. The plant covered a space of 9 yds. by 8.
Barnsley District Revision. — New Claims, — Blue,
85; Yellow, 94; Doubtful, 7; Objections,— Over-
seers, 54 ; Blue, 92; Yellow, 113; Struck off,—
Blue, 55; Yellow, 82; Doubtful, 10.— In this district
there are 1571 Parliamentary Voters for 1843, being an
increase of 16 over 1842.
Chief Constables. — Mr. John Cordeux, linen-manu-
fiicturer ; Mr. Thomas Cope, draper ; Mr. Henry
Richardson, linen - manufacturer ; and Mr- George
Harrison, stationer. This is the first appointment after
the passing of the New Parochial Constables Act. —
The following were chosen Deputies, with salaries : —
John Carnelly, i.'40 per annum; George Kershaw, £25;
Joseph Winter, £20 ; and Francis Batty, £5.
Churchwardens. — Mr. William Johnson, farmer, &c.
and Mr. Joseph Massie, draper, (both second year,) for
St. Mary's. Mr. Thomas Taylor, junior, linen-manu-
facturer (second year), and Mr. John Ray, stationer,
for St. George s.
Overseers of the Poor. — Mr. Robert Pickles, linen-
manufacturer ; Mr. Thomas Guest, grocer, (both second
year;) Mr. Jonathan Carnley, linen-manufacturer; and
Mr. Charles Broadbent, draper.
Mr. Thomas Cope and Mr. William Hopwood are the
Assessors under tlie Income Tax ; and Mr. George Keir,
solicitor, is the Clerk to the Commissioners.
Mr. Thomas Marshall was appointed Clerk to the
Magistrates 29th December, 1841.
46
MARRIAGES.
March 3. — At St. Gile's Church, Pontefract, Robert Willan, Esq.,
solicitor, Bury St. Edmunds, onlj^ son of the Rev. Robert Willan,
M.A., Barnsley, to Anna Maria, youngest daughter of James Coleman,
Esq., Pontefract.
May 24. — At St. John's, Paddington, hy the Rev. James Hughes
Haillet, .John Staniforth Beckett, Esq., late of Barnsley, to Gertrude
Elizabeth, eldest daughter of the late Sir William Howe Mulcaster,
R.N., K.C.N., K.T.S., and C.B., and niece of Lieut.-Gen. Sir Fred-
erick William Mulcaster, K.C.H.
May 28.— At the Parish Church, Wakefield, William Shepherd,
Esq., solicitor, Barnsley, to Eliza, eldest daughter of the late Mr.
Charles Greaves, wine and spirit merchant, of the same place.
March 3. — At St. George's Church, Barnsley, by the Rev. R. E.
Roberts, M,A., Mr. W. Ellis, to Miss Eliza Lawton, both of Barnsley.
August II. — At the Parish Church, Silkstone, Mr. Isaac Burrows,
to Miss Marj' Ann Gomersall, dress-maker, both of Barnsley.
August 2.5. — At Wath, by the Rev. R. E. Roberts, incumbent of St.
George's, Barnsley, Mr. Hawksworth, solicitor, Ashby-de-la-Zouch, to
Sarah, daughter of the late Mr. Briggs, Brampton, and niece to Miss
Rock, Barnsley.
On the same day, at Burton Church, by the Rev. A. Lambert, B. A.,
Mr. John Henry Carter, professor of music, Barnsley, to Anne, second
daughter of the late Mr. Thomas Scales, Burton -Grange, farmer.
August 23. — In Calry Church, Ireland, by the Rev. T. A. Gilhnor,
li.L.D., the Rev. Irwin Lloyd, B.A., curate of St. George's, Barnsley,
to Alicia, eldest daughter of James St. Lawrence, Esq., Sligo.
Sept. 14. — At the Salem Chapel, Hull, by the Rev. John Sibree,
Mr. Thomas Dale, junior, Barnsley, to Mary Ann, second daughter of
Mr. Richard Atkinson Read, spirit-merchant, Burton-on-Stather.
Oct. 9. — At Castleford Parish Church, by the Rev. J. P. Kemplay,
Mr. W. F. Fletcher, clock and watch maker, Barnsley, to Amelia,
daughter of the late Mr. N. Moore, farmer, of Beale, near Ferrybridge.
Oct. 27. — At Ardsley Church, by the Rev. R. G. Micklethwait, B.A.,
Mr. George Scorah, farmer, to Mrs. Ostcliffe, widow of the late Mr.
William Ostcliffe, innkeeper and farmer, both of Ardsley ; this was
the first man-iage solemnized in the above-named church.
Nov. 3. — At Wortley, near Sheffield, by the Ven. Archdeacon Cor-
bett, Mr. John Surtees, son of Mr. John Surtees, woodman to the
Right Hon. Lord Wharaclifiie, to Miss Smith, only daughter of Mr.
Joseph Smith, of the Wortley Arms Inn, of the same place.
Dec. 1. — At the Parish Church, Leeds, by the Rev. Dr. Hook, vicar,
Andrew Faulds, Esq., Darley Hall, near Barnsley, to Mary Ann,
eldest daughter of Richard Jackson, Esq., Park-square, Leeds.
47
DEATHS.
1841, Dec. 20.— At Valparaiso, aged 30, Ellen, wife of J. W.
Hawksley, Esq., merchant, and the beloved and only daughter of
Thomas Taylor, Esq., Dodworth, near Barnsley.
Dec. 27. — Aged 3 years, of scarlet fever, Benjamin, third son of
John Micklethwait, Esq., of Ardsley-House, near Barnsley.
1842, Jan. 4. — At Barnsley, aged 34, of a violent attack of scaiiet
fever, which he survived only three days, Mr. George Whitworth,
linen-manufacturer, and nephew of Mr. John Whitworth, architect,
of that place. The deceased was organist of St. Mary's Church, an
appointment he discharged for a number of years with much credit to
himself.
Jan. 15. — Aged 71, John Cordeux, Esq , an old and pious member
of the Wesleyan body.
Jan. 1.5. — Aged 29, Jane, the wife of Mr. Richard Inns, ironmonger,
Barnsley. Mrs. I. was possessed with a most amiable mind, the result
of early and carefully cultivated piety ; and her premature loss filled
the hearts of her disconsolate husband and relatives wilh the deepest
grief, in which a large circle of friends most sincerely sympathized.
Jan. 2.5. — Aged .58, Mr. George Birkinshaw, whitesmith and bell-
hanger, Barnsley.
Jan. 27. — Aged -59, Hannah, the wife of John Clarke, Esq., of
Keresforth Hall, near Barnsley.
Feb. 1. — Aged nine months, Elizabeth, daughter of Mr. Thomas
Wainw right, surgeon, Barnsley.
Feb. 17.— Aged 20, Emily Mary, third daughter of W. C. Mence,
Esq., solicitor, Barnsley.
Feb. 23. — Suddenly, aged 56, John Gibson, of Cudworth. He had
been 40 years in the employment of Mr. Bamforth and his family, by
whom he was highly respected for his ability, integrity, and his long
and faithful service.
March 12. — At Dodworth Green, near Barnsley, aged 80, Maria,
Sutcliffe, widow of the late Mr. Thomas Sutcliffe.
March 15. — Aged 41, Mary, the wife of Mr. Edward Bromley, gro-
cer, and a member of the Society of Friends.
April 4. — Of consumption, aged 38, Mr. John Heywood, stone-mer-
chant, Hoyle-mill, Barnsley.
April 30. — Of a decline, Elizabeth, only daughter of Mr. Robert
Gelder, of Saville-Hall, farmer and butcher, aged 17.
May (i. — John Hopwood, Esq., Barnsley, aged 74.
May 24. — At Barnsley, Diana, eldest daughter of Mr. Thomas Ker-
shaw, butcher, aged 10 years.
May 31. — Aged 44, Mr. Ed. Furniss, bookkeeper, Barnsley.
48
June 25. — At Bamsley, aged 39, Mr. William Bramraah.
July 8. — After a few days' illness, aged 18, Francis John Brown,
of Carr-lane House, near Peniston.
July 26. — At Bamsley, aged (50, Frances, relict of Mr. John Norris,
formerly merchant, of Sheffield, and daughter of the Rev. James
Dixon, vicar of Ecclesfield.
Aug. 10. — Aged 8, Richard, son of Mr. John Camelly, constable,
Barnsley.
Aug. 17. — Highly respected, Mr. John Travis, solicitor, Bamsley,
and only son of Mr. George Travis, hatter, of the same place, aged 24.
Aug. 25. — Aged 7 1 , Mr. George Woodcock, principal manager in the
banking-house of Messrs. Beckett, Birks, and Co., Barnsley.
Sept. 5. — Of scarlet fever, aged 51, Mr. William MoUison, head
ostler, at the Royal Hotel, Bamsley. The deceased was a truly valu-
able servant, and highly respected by his employer.
Sept. 11. — By being accidentally drowned in the basin of the
Bamsley Canal, Mr. Joseph Wilkinson, nursery and seedsman. Hill-
top, near Bamsley, aged 47.
Oct. 13. — Aged 16, Anne, eldest daughter of Mr. Joseph Wilcock,
landlord of the Stanhope Arms, Cawthome, near Bamsley.
Oct. 16. — At the Vicarage, Darton, Anne, fourth daughter of the
Rev. Thomas Thexton.
Oct. 17.— At Barnsley, aged 67, Miss Ann Frudd, milliner and
dress-maker. The deceased was one of the oldest of her profession in
the town, and was highly respected by all who knew her.
Oct. 16. — Aged 50, Jane, wife of Mr. George Jackson, miller,
Barnsley. Her affliction, which was of some duration, was borne with
Clmstian fortitude and resignation; and she died deeply lamented by
her family and a large circle of friends ; and also by the poor, to whom
she was a sympathizing and generous benefactor.
Nov. 8. — At her brother's house, Barnsley, Sarah, daughter of the
late Mr. James Rolling, of Aldam Mill, near Barnsley.
Nor. 24. — Catherine CaiT, Barnsley, aged 87.
Dec. 3. — Aged 72, Mr. James Barber, stone-mason, Barnsley.
Dec. 6. — Mr. Charles Fletcher, formerly clock and watch- maker,
Barnsley, aged 67.
PRINTED By J. RAY, BARNSLEY.
TOIVEKSITY OF CALIFORHIl
AT
LOS AKGELES
UBRARY
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES
THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY
This book is DUE on the last date stamped below
OCT 2 9 R£C'0
1 Q1Q.4G
£81950
7 4 1952
Form L-0
2r,7n -2, '43(5205)
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