GIFT OF 
 

 
 University of California Berkeley 
 
OF DOWNINGVILLE. 
 
THE 
 
 LIFE AND WRITINGS 
 
 OF 
 
 AWAY DOWN EAST IN THE STATE OF MAINE. 
 
 WRITTEN BY HIMSELF. 
 
 What makes all doctrines plain and clear ? 
 About two hundred pounds a year. 
 And that which was proved true before, 
 Prove false again ? Two hundred more.' 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 BOSTON: 
 
 LILLY, WAIT, COLMAN, & HOLDEN. 
 
 1833. 
 
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1833, 
 
 By LILLY, WAIT, COLMAN, & HOLDEN, 
 In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. 
 
TO 
 
 GINERAL ANDREW JACKSON, 
 
 PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, 
 
 IS RESPECTFULLY INSCRIBED, 
 BY HIS FAITHFUL FRIEND AND HUMBLE SERVANT, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING 
 
 3GC250 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 ARTER I got my book all done, and had looked it over 
 every day as the printer went along with it, till I got 
 clear to the last page, so as to see it was done right, the 
 printer comes to me, and says he, we want a Preface 
 now. A preface ! says I, what in nater is that 1 Why, 
 says he, it is something to fill up the two first pages with. 
 But, says I, aint the two first pages filled up yet 1 I 
 thought we had jest got through the last page ; I hope 
 our cake aint all turning to dough again. O, it's all 
 right, says he, we always print the first pages last ; all 
 we want now is the preface, to fill up them are two first 
 pages. Well, says I, but this is a pretty curious piece 
 of business, this duin work backwards. I've hearn tell 
 that Freemasons when they build their chimneys, begin 
 at the top and work down, and that's what's got the 
 Anti Masons so mad about it, that they are going to tear 
 'em all up, root and branch ; but I never knew afore that 
 folks printed the first end of a book last. But now, says 
 I, Mr printer, if I've got to make this ere preface that 
 you tell about, what must I put into it ? O, says he, 
 you must tell 'em something about the book ; how you 
 come to make it, and what's in it, and what it's good 
 
 1* 
 
VI PREFACE. 
 
 for, and the like of that. Well, says I, if that's all, I 
 guess I can work it out in short metre. In the first 
 place then, I made the book because I couldn't help it ; 
 if I hadn't made it, I dont believe but what I should 
 have split. And in the next place, I made it so as to 
 get my letters all together, out of the way of the ras 
 cally counterfeits, so that folks might know the good 
 eggs from the rotten ones. And about these counter 
 feits, I see the New York Daily Advertiser says they are 
 going to print a book of the counterfeit letters some 
 where there or at Philadelphia. All I have to say about 
 it is, they are welcome to print as many letters as they 
 are a mind to, if they will only jest put their own names 
 to 'em. But he that will print his letters and put my 
 name to 'em, I think would steal a sheep. 
 
 And in the next place, as to what is in the book, I 
 guess folks will find that out fast enough, without my 
 telling them. 
 
 And in the last place, as to what it is good for, it will 
 tell folks more about politics, and how to get offices, than 
 ever they knew before in all their lives ; and what is the 
 best ont, it will be pretty likely to get me in to be 
 President. 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 BOSTON, Nov. 14, 1833. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 MY LIFE. 
 
 In which I tell considerable more about my Grandfather, than I 
 do about myself, Page 13 
 
 MY LETTERS. 
 
 Together with a few from Cousin Nabby, and Uncle Joshua, and 
 Cousin Ephraim, and so on ; containing a pretty considerable ac 
 count of my public life, from Jinuary 1830, to November 1833, 35 
 
 LETTER I. In which Mr Downing tells about choosing Speaker, 
 
 LETTER II. In which Mr Downing tells about poor Mr Roberts' 
 having to stand up, 40 
 
 LETTER III. In which Cousin Nabby advises Mr Downing to 
 come home, 43 
 
 LETTER IV. In which Uncle Joshua tells how he went to Bos 
 ton, and took dinner with the Gineral Court, 45 
 
 EXTRACTS from the Portland Courier, 52 
 
 LETTER V. In which Mr Downing tells what a hobble the Leg 
 islature got into, in trying to make so many Governors, 55 
 
 LETTER VI. In which Mr Downing describes a sad mishap that 
 befel the House of Representatives, 58 
 
 LETTER VII. In which affairs take a more favourable turn, 59 
 
 LETTER VIII. In which Mrs Downing urges her son to come 
 home, 60 
 
 LETTER IX. In which Mr Downing tells about trigging the 
 wheels of government, 61 
 
 LETTER X. In which Mr Downing advises his Uncle Joshua to 
 hold on to his bushel of corn, because the Legislature had begun 
 to rip up their duins,' 65 
 
viii CONTENTS. 
 
 LETTER XL In which Mr Downing describes some queer duins 
 in the Senate, 67 
 
 LETTER XII. In which Mr Downing hits upon a new idea for 
 making money out of the office-seekers that were swarming round 
 the new Governor, 70 
 
 LETTER XIIL Cousin Ephraim in trouble, 71 
 
 LETTER XIV. In which Mr Downing describes a severe tug at 
 the wheels of government, 72 
 
 LETTER XV. In which Mr Downing tells what it means to set 
 up a candidate for office, 74 
 
 LETTER XVI. In which Mr Downing tells how the Legislature 
 cleared out, and how Elder Hall went home, 77 
 
 LETTER XVII. In which Mr Downing hints to Uncle Joshua 
 that he has a prospect of being nominated for Governor, 79 
 
 LETTER XVIII. In which Uncle Joshua discovers remarkable 
 skill in the science of politics, and advises Mr Downing by all 
 means to stand as a candidate for Governor, 82 
 
 LETTER XIX. In which Mr Downing gives his opinion about 
 newspapers, 85 
 
 LETTER XX. In which Mr Downing tells how to distinguish 
 one republican party from another, 87 
 
 Grand Caucus at Downingville, 89 
 
 LETTER XXI. In which Mr Downing tells about the Portland 
 Town-meeting, 94 
 
 LETTER XXII. Return of votes from Downingville, 97 
 
 LETTER XXIII. In which Mr Downing hits on a new plan to 
 get an office, 98 
 
 LETTER XXIV. In which Cousin Sarah compares the Society 
 of Portland with that of Downingville, 99 
 
 LETTER XXV. In which Mr Downing tells how Cousin Jehu 
 went to the Legislature, and had to go back after his primy facy 
 case, 101 
 
 LETTER XXVI. In which Cousin Nabby describes the temper 
 ance of Downingville, 104 
 
 LETTER XXVII. In which Mr Downing gives a description of 
 the Ladies' Fair, 106 
 
CONTENTS. . IX 
 
 LETTER XXVIII. In which Mr Downing tells how the Jack- 
 sonites in the Legislature had a dreadful tussle to pour a ' healing 
 act' down the throats of the Huntonites, 113 
 
 LETTER XXIX. In which Mr Downing tells how the Jackson- 
 ites at last got the 'healing act' down the throats of the Huntonites, 
 
 117 
 
 LETTER XXX. In which Mr Downing dreams some poetry, 121 
 
 LETTER XXXI. In which Mr Downing tells how he got a new 
 kink into his head, in consequence of the blow-up of President 
 Jackson's first Cabinet, 123 
 
 LETTER XXXII. In which Cousin Sarah tells about Cousin 
 Jack's toes and elbows, 125 
 
 LETTER XXXIII. In which Mr Downing tells about the talk 
 he had with the Boston Editors on his way to Washington, 127 
 
 LETTER <XXXIV. In which Mr Downing relates his interview 
 with Major Noah, 131 
 
 LETTER XXXV. In which Mr Downing tells how he stript up 
 his sleeves and defended Mr Ingham on his front door steps during 
 the after-clap that followed the blow-up of the Cabinet, 135 
 
 LETTER XXX VI. In which Cousin Ephraim tells about the 
 persecution of poor Mrs No-tea, 138 
 
 LETTER XXXVII. Mr Downing receives a Captain's commis 
 sion in the United States' Army, with orders to go and protect the 
 inhabitants of Madawaska, 140 
 
 LETTER XXXVIII. In which Capt. Downing describes his re 
 turn to Downingville, after an absence of two years, 145 
 
 LETTER XXXIX. Capt. Downing's first Military Report to the 
 President, 147 
 
 LETTER XL. Capt. Downing visits the Legislature of Maine 
 again, 151 
 
 LETTER XLI. Progress of proceedings in the Legislature, 153 
 
 LETTER XLII. Capt. Downing is suddenly called to his com 
 pany at Madawaska, 155 
 
 LETTER XLIII. Capt. Downing returns to Augusta. The val 
 ue of a bear-skin, 157 
 
 LETTER XLIV. In which Capt. Downing tells about the Leg 
 islature's making Lawyers, 159 
 
X CONTENTS. 
 
 LETTER XLV. Capt. Downing is in a peck of trouble about the 
 Legislature's selling Madawaska to the General Government to 
 be given up to the British, and sits down and figures up the 
 price, 161 
 
 LETTER XLVI. Capt. Downing declines the office of Mayor of 
 Portland, 165 
 
 LETTER XLV1I. In which Capt. Downing relates a confidential 
 conversation with President Jackson, while on a journey to Ten 
 nessee, 166 
 
 LETTER XLVII1. In which Capt. Downing runs an Express from 
 Baltimore to Washington, and foots it through Pennsylvany 
 Avenue to the President's House, 169 
 
 LETTER XLIX. In which Capt. Downing receives a Major's com 
 mission, and is appointed to march against the Nullifiers, 172 
 
 LETTER L. In which Uncle Joshua tells what a tussle they had in 
 Downingville to keep the Federalists from praising the Presi 
 dent's Proclamation against the Nullifiers, 175 
 
 LETTER LI. In which Major Downing describes the arrival of 
 Sargent Joel, with the Company, at Washington, 178 
 
 LETTER LII. In which Major Downing gives his opinion about 
 Nullification, and illustrates it with a lucid example, 181 
 
 LETTER LIII. In which Cousin Ephraim tells the Major how 
 matters get along at Augusta, and gives a specimen of the value 
 of political promises, 183 
 
 LETTER LIV. In which Major Downing goes up top the Congress 
 house and listens to see if he can hear the guns in South Caro 
 lina, and also has a talk with the President about the slander of 
 the newspapers, 186 
 
 LETTER LV. In which Cousin Ephraim explains the science of 
 Land speculation, 188 
 
 LETTER LVI. In which Major Downing tells how Mr Clay put a 
 stop to that fuss in South Carolina, besides hushing up some 
 other quarrels, 191 
 
 LETTER LVII. In which Major Downing gives the result of a 
 consultation amongst the Government on the question, whether 
 the President should shake hands with the Federalists during his 
 journey down East, 194 
 
 LETTER LVI1I. In which Major Downing defends the President 
 from the assault of Lieut. Randolph on board the steamboat Cyg 
 net, 1^6 
 
CONTENTS. XI 
 
 LETTER LIX. In which Major Downing shakes hands for the 
 President at Philadelphia, while on the grand tour down East, 
 
 198 
 
 LETTER LX, In which the President and Major Downing have a 
 very narrow escape at the breaking down of the bridge in New 
 York, 200 
 
 LETTER LXI. In which Major Downing describes the visit of the 
 President at Boston, and also complains of the rascally counter 
 feiters that write letters in his name for the newspapers, 202 
 
 LETTER LXII. In which the President and the rest of 'em, turn a 
 short corner at Concord and set their faces towards Washington, 
 
 205 
 
 LETTER LXIIL In which Cousin Nabby describes the unutterable 
 disappointment at Downingville because the President didn't 
 come, and tells what a terrible pucker Ant Keziah was in about 
 it, 206 
 
 Nomination of Major Downing for the Presidency, 210 
 
 LETTER LXIV. In which Major Downing tells about going to 
 Cambridge and making the President a Doctor of Laws, 211 
 
 LETTER LXV. In which Major Downing tells about the quarrel 
 that he and Mr Van Buren had at Concord, after they went up 
 chamber to bed ; and also declares his intention to run for the Pres 
 idency, 215 
 
 LETTER LXVI. In which Cousin Ephraim describes the method 
 of putting ' dimocrats' over on to the federal side, 221 
 
 LETTER LX VII. In which the President begun to say something 
 about me and Daniel, 223 
 
 LETTER LXVIII. In which the President finished what he was 
 going to say about me and Daniel, 227 
 
 LETTER LXIX. In which Cousin Nabby describes her visit to 
 Mr Maelzel's Congregation of Moskow, 231 
 
 LETTER LXX. In which Major Downing concludes it is best to 
 put some of his poetry into his book, 233 
 
 Major Downing's biography of Sam Patch, 235 
 
Xii APPENDIX. 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 In which are published some of Major Downing's letters, that he 
 never wrote, 240 
 
 No. I. Being the genuine letter of old Mr Zophar Downing, 
 1 amost eighty three yere old', 242 
 
 No. II. The Bank Report, 244 
 
 No. III. Giving some account of Peleg Bissel's Churn, 249 
 
 j^o. IV. The public crib at Washington, 252 
 
 No. V. Preparation of the Message, 256 
 
 No. VI. Sir George Downing, 258 
 
EG "ST Ed H IP Hi o 
 
 Jw which I tell considerable more about my Grandfather^ 
 than I do about Myself. 
 
 WHEN we read about great men, we always want to 
 know something about the place where they live ; there 
 fore I shall begin my history with a short account of 
 Downingville, the place where 1 was born and brought 
 up. 
 
 Downingville is a snug, tidy sort of a village, situated 
 in a valley about two miles long, and a mile and a half 
 wide, scooped out between two large rugged hills that 
 lie to the east and west, having a thick forest of trees to 
 the north, and a clear pond of water, with a sandy 
 beach, to the south. It is about three miles from the 
 main road as you go back into the country, and is jest 
 about in the middle of down east. It contains by this time 
 a pretty considerable number of inhabitants, though my 
 grandfather DiBJUiing was the first person that settled 
 there, jest after he got back from sogering in the revo 
 lutionary war. It has a school-house, and a tavern, 
 and a minister, and a doctor, and a blacksmith, and a 
 shoe-maker, and folks that work at most all sorts of 
 trades. They have n't got any meetin house up yet, but 
 the school house is pretty large and does very well to 
 hold meetins in, and they have meetins very regular 
 2 
 
14 LIFE OF 
 
 eve ty Sunday, the hiee'- filling up all the seats on one 
 side of the school house and the women on the other. 
 
 They have n't got any lawjer in Downingville ; there 
 was one come once and sot out to settle there, and hired 
 a room and put a sign up over the door with his name 
 on it, and the word OFFICE in great large letters, so big 
 you could read 'em clear across the road. A meeting 
 of the inhabitants was called at the school house the 
 next day, and after chawing the matter over awhile, it 
 was unanimously agreed if the man wanted an office he 
 should go somewhere else for it, for as for having an 
 office-seeker in Downingville they never would. So 
 they voted that he should leave the town in twenty-four 
 hours, or they would take him down to the pond and 
 duck him, and ride him out of town on a rail. A com 
 mittee of twenty of the stoutest men in Downingville was 
 appointed to carry the message to him, at which he pru 
 dently took the hint, and packed up and cleared out that 
 afternoon. All the quarrels, and disputes arid law-cases 
 are always left out to uncle Joshua Downing, and he 
 settles them all, by and large, at two shillings apiece, 
 except where they have come to blows, and then he 
 charges two and sixpence a piece. 
 
 The land in Downingville is most capital rich land, 
 and bears excellent crops. I would n't pretend to say it 
 J s equal to some land I've hearn tell of away off in Ohio, 
 where the corn grows so tall they have to go up on a 
 ladder to pick the ears off; and where a boy fell into 
 the hole that his father had dug a beet out of, and they 
 had to let down a bed-cord to draw him up again; and 
 where pigs are so plenty that they run about the farms 
 ready roasted, and some of 'em with knives and forks in 
 their backs for any body who wants to eat. I would n't 
 pretend that Downingville is any such sort of a place as 
 that; but this I do say, he that is diligent and will plant 
 his potatoes and corn early, and hoe them well, may 
 always get a good crop, and live above board. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 15 
 
 As I said afore, my grandfather, old Mr Zebedee 
 Downing, was the first settler in Downingville. Bless 
 his old heart, he's living yet, and although he is eighty- 
 six years old, he attended a public caucus fof the good 
 of his country about two years ago, and made a speech, 
 as you will find somewhere before you get through this 
 book, where it tells about my being nominated for Gov 
 ernor of the State of Maine. 
 
 As it is the fashion, in writing the lives of great folks, 
 to go back and tell something about their posterity, I 
 spose I ought to give some account of my good old 
 grandfather, for he was a true patriot, and as strong a 
 republican as ever uncle Joshua was. He was born 
 somewhere in the old bay State away back of Boston, 
 and when the revolutionary war come on he went a 
 sogering. Many and many a time, 4 when I was a lit 
 tle boy, I've sot on the dye-pot in the corner till most 
 midnight to hear him tell over his going through the 
 fatigue of Burgwine. If one of the neighbors came in 
 to chat awhile in an evening, my grandfather was always 
 sure to go through with the fatigue of Burgwine ; and if 
 a stranger was travelling through Downingville and stopt 
 at my grandfather's in a warm afternoon to get a drink 
 of water, it was ten chances to one if he could get away 
 till my grandfather had been through the whole story of 
 the fatigue of Burgwine. He used to tell it the best to 
 old Mr Johnson, who used to come in regularly about 
 once a week to spend an evening and drink a mug of 
 my grandfather's cider. And he would set so patiently 
 and hear my grandfather through from beginning to end, 
 that I never could tell which took the most comfort, Mr 
 Johnson in drinking the cider, or my grandfather in 
 going through the fatigue of Burgwine. After Mr John 
 son had taken about two or three drinks he would smack 
 his lips, and says he, I guess, Mr Downing, you would 
 have been glad to get such a mug of cider as this in the 
 battle of Burgwine. Why yes, said my grandfather, or 
 
16 LIFE OF 
 
 when we was on the march from Cambridge to Peeks- 
 kill either, or from Peekskill to Albany, or from Albany 
 to Saratogue, where we went through the fatigue of 
 Burgwine. Old Schyler was our gineral, said my grand 
 father, bracing himself back in his chair, and he turned 
 out to be a traitor, and vt&s sent for, to go to Gineral 
 Washington to be court-martialed. Then gineral Gatei 
 was sent to us to take the command, arid he was a most 
 capital officer every inch of him. He had his cocked 
 hat on, and his regimentals, and his furbelows on his 
 shoulders, and he looked nobly, said my grandfather. 
 I can see him now as plain as if 'twas yesterday. He 
 wore a plaguy great stub cue, as big as my wrist, stick 
 ing out at the back of his neck as straight as a hand 
 spike. Well, when Gates came we were all reviewed, 
 and every thing was put in complete order, and he led us 
 on, ye see, to take Burgwine. By daylight in the morn 
 ing we were called out by the sound of the drum, and 
 drawn up in regiments, and the word was, * on your 
 posts, march.' And there we stood marching on our 
 posts without moving forward an inch ; heads up, look 
 ing to the right ; we did n't dare to move an eye, nor 
 hardly to wink. 
 
 By and by along comes the old Gineral to inspect us, 
 riding along so stately, and that old stub cue sticking 
 out behind his head so straight, it seems as though I can 
 see him now right here before me. And then he ad 
 dressed us, like a father talking to his children. Fel 
 low soldiers, says he, this day we are going to try the 
 strength of Burgwine's forces ; now let every man keep 
 a stiff upper lip, go forward boldly and attack them 
 with courage, and you 've nothing to fear. O, he ad 
 dressed us completely ; and then we marched off to 
 meet the inemy. By and by we begun to hear the balls 
 whizzing over our heads, and the inerny's guns begun 
 to roar like thunder. I felt terribly for a minute or two, 
 but we kept marching up, marching up, said my grand- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 17 
 
 father, rising and marching across the floor, for we had 
 orders not to fire a gun till we got up so near we could 
 almost reach 'em with our bagonuts ; and there was a 
 hundred drums all in a bunch rattling enough to craze 
 a nation, and the fifes and the bugles, continued my 
 grandfather, still marching across the floor, went tudle, 
 tudle, tudle, tudle O, I can hear that very tune ring 
 ing in my ears now, as plain as if 'twas yesterday, and 
 I never shall forget it to my dying day. When, we got 
 up so near the inemy that we could fairly see the white 
 of their eyes, the word was halt,' said my grandfather, 
 suddenly halting in the middle of the floor, and sticking 
 his head back as straight as a soldier ' make ready ;' 
 'twas did in a moment, continued rny grandfather, 
 throwing his staff up against his shoulder, 'take aim* 
 'twas did in a moment, fetching his staff down straight 
 before his eyes 'fire' then, O marcy, what a roar, 
 said my grandfather, striking his staff down on the 
 floor, arid such a smother and smoke you could n't 
 hardly see your hand afore you. Well in an instant 
 the word was ' prime and load,' and as fast as we fired 
 we fell back in the rear to let others come up and take 
 their turn, so by the time we were loaded we were in 
 front and ready to fire again, for we kept marching all 
 the time, said my grandfather, beginning to march again 
 across the floor. But the inemy stood their ground and 
 kept pouring in upon us tremendously, and we kept 
 marching up and firing, marching up and firing, but 
 did n't gain forward an inch. I felt streaked enough, 
 for the balls were whistling over our heads, and some 
 times a man would drop down on one side of me and 
 sometimes on t'other, but it would n't do for us to flinch 
 a hair ; we must march up and fire and wheel to the 
 right and left, and keep it going. By and by the word 
 was, ' advance columns ;' then, heavens and earth, how 
 light 1 felt, said my grandfather, quickening his march 
 across the floor. I knew in a moment the inemy was 
 2* 
 
18 LIFE OP 
 
 retreating, and it seemed to me I could have jumped 
 over the moon. Well, we marched forward, but still 
 kept firing, and presently we begun to come on to the 
 inemy's ground ; and then, O marcy, such a sight I 
 never see before and never want to again : stepping over 
 the dead bodies, and the poor wounded wretches wal 
 lowing in their blood, mangled all to pieces, and such 
 screeches and groans, some crying out dont kill me, 
 dont kill me, and others begging us to kill 'em to put 
 'em out of misery. O, it was enough to melt the very 
 heart of a stone, said my grandfather, wiping the tears 
 from his eyes. 
 
 But they need n't have been afraid of being hurt, for 
 our Gineral was one of the best men that ever lived. 
 He had the carts brought up immediately and all the 
 poor wounded souls carried off as fast as possible where 
 they could be taken good care of. He would n't let one 
 of 'em be hurt any more than he would one of his own 
 men. But it was a dreadful hot battle ; we fit and 
 skirmished all the afternoon and took a goo'd many 
 prisoners, and some cannon and ammunition. When it 
 come night the inemy retreated to their fortifications, 
 and we camped all night on the ground with our guns 
 in our hands, ready at a moment's warning to pitch bat 
 tle again. As soon as it was daylight we were all 
 mustered and paraded again, and round come the old 
 Gineral to see how we looked. He held his head up 
 like a soldier, arid the old stub cue stuck out as straight 
 as ever. I can see it now as plain as I can see my 
 staff, said my grandfather. And O, my stars, how he 
 addressed us; it made our hearts jump to hear him. 
 Fellow soldiers, says he, this day we shall make Bur- 
 gwine tremble. If you are only as brave as you were 
 yesterday we shall have him and all his army before 
 night. But Burgvvine had slipped away in the night 
 and got into a place stronger fortified. But he could 
 n't get away ; he was hemmed in all round ; so we got 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 19 
 
 him before it was over. We were fiv*e ofr six days 
 skirmishing about it ; but I cant tell you all, nor a 
 quarter part ont. 
 
 But how was it you took Burgwine at last 1 said Mr 
 Johnson, taking another drink of cider. O, he had to 
 give up at last, said ray grandfather. After we had 
 skirmished a day or two longer, Gineral Gates sent 
 word to Burgwine, that if he had a mind to march his 
 army back into Canada, and leave every thing this side 
 unmolested, he'd let him go peaceably. But Burgwine 
 would n't accept it ; he sent word back that he was 
 going to winter with his troops in Boston.' Well, after 
 we had skirmished round two or three days longer, and 
 Burgwine got into such close quarters that he could 
 n't get away any how, he sent word to Gineral Gates 
 that he'd accept the offer and march back to Canada ; 
 but Gates sent word back to him again, ' You said you 
 meant to winter in Boston, and I mean to make you as 
 good as your word.' At last Burgwine see it was no 
 use for him to hold out any longer, so he give all his 
 men up prisoners of war. Then we were all paraded 
 in lines a little ways apart to see them surrender. And 
 they marched out and marched along towards us ; and 
 it was a most noble sight to see them all dressed out in 
 their regimentals and their bagonuts glistening in the 
 sun enough to dazzle any body's eyes. And they march 
 ed along and stacked their arms, and they all marched 
 through between our lines looking homesick enough. I 
 guess we felt as well as they did if our clothes want so 
 good. 
 
 Well that was the end of the war in the northern 
 states. There was a little skirmishing away off to the 
 south afterwards, but nothing to be compared to that. 
 The battle of Burgwine was what achieved our inde 
 pendence ; it was the cap-stone of the war ; there never 
 was sich a gloris battle as that since the days of Cesar, nor 
 Methuselah, no, nor clear back to Adam. I dont think 
 
20 LIFE OP 
 
 there ever was,* said Mr Johnson, handing me the quart 
 mug and telling me to run and get another mug of cider ; 
 for before my grandfather could get through the fatigue 
 of Burgwine Mr Johnson would most always get to the 
 bottom of the mug. When I brought in the second 
 mug, Mr Johnson took another sip and smacked his 
 lips, and says he, Mr Downing I should like to drink a 
 toast with you ; so here 's health and prosperity to the 
 apple-trees of Downingville. Mr Downing, what will 
 you drink to us 1 said he, handing the mug to my 
 grandfather. Why, I dont keer about any cider, said 
 my grandfather [for he is a very temperate man, and 
 so are all the Downings remarkably temperate] but I 
 will jest drink a little to the memory of the greatest and 
 the bravest Gineral that this world ever see yet ; so 
 here 's my respects to old Gineral Gates' stub cue. By 
 this time my grandfather having poured out of him the 
 whole fatigue of Burgwine ; and Mr Johnson having 
 poured into him about three pints of cider, they would 
 both of them feel pretty considerably relieved, and Mr 
 Johnson would bid us good night and go home. 
 
 I take it that it was hearing these stories of my grand 
 father's bravery told over so often in my younger days, 
 that made me such a military character as to induce the 
 President to appoint me to the command at Madawaska, 
 and also to go to South Carolina to put down the Nulli- 
 fiers. But I 'm getting a little before my story, for I 
 have n't got through with my grandfather yet, and my 
 father comes before I do too. As I said afore, my 
 grandfather was the first settler in Downingville. When 
 he got through sogering in the revolutionary war, he 
 took a notion he 'd go and pick him out a good lot of 
 land away down east to settle on, where there was land 
 enough to be had jest for whistling for it, and where his 
 boys would have a chance to do something in the 
 world. So he took grandmother and the two boys, for 
 father and Uncle Joshua were all the boys he had then, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 21 
 
 and packed them into a horse waggon, and took an axe 
 and a hoe and a shovel, and some victuals, and a bed 
 tick to put some straw in, and a gun and some blankets 
 and one thing another, and started off down east. He 
 drove away into Maine till he got clear to the end of 
 the road, and then he picked his way along through the 
 woods and round the pond five miles further, till he got 
 to the very spot where Downingville now is, and there 
 he stopt and baited his horse, and while grandmother 
 and the boys sot down and took a bit of a luncheon, 
 grandfather went away up top of one of the hills to 
 take a view of the country. And when he come down 
 again, says he, I guess we may as well ontackle, for I 
 dont believe we shall find a better place if we travel all 
 summer. So he ontackled the old horse, and took the 
 waggon and turned it over against a great oak tree, and 
 put some bushes up round it and made a pretty com 
 fortable sort of a house for 'em to sleep in a few nights, 
 and then he took his axe and slashed away amongst the 
 trees. But that old oak never was cut down ; it 's the 
 very same one that stands out a little ways in front of 
 grandfather's house now. And poor old grandmother as 
 long as she lived, for she 's been dead about five years, 
 always made a practice once a year, when the day come 
 round that they first camped under the old oak, to have 
 the table carried out and set under the tree, and all 
 hands, children and grand-children, had to go and eat 
 supper there, and the good old lady always used to tell 
 over the whole story how she slept eight nights under 
 the waggon, and how they were the sweetest nights' rest 
 she ever had. 
 
 Well, grandfather he smashed away among the trees, 
 and he soon had a half a dozen acres of 'em sprawling, 
 and while they were drying in the sun he went to 
 work and built him a snug little log house, and made 
 two stools to set on, one for him and one for grand 
 mother, and a couple of blocks for the boys. He made 
 
22 LIFE OF 
 
 a stone fireplace in one corner of the house, and left a 
 hole in one corner of the roof for the smoke to go out, 
 and he got it all fixed as nice as a new pin, and then 
 they moved into it ; and I've heard grandmother say 
 more than a hundred times, that she raly believed she 
 took more comfort in that log house, than ever a queen 
 took in a palace. 
 
 When the leaves and the twigs of the trees that 
 grandfather had cut down had got considerable dry in 
 the sun, he went out one warm clear afternoon and sot 
 fire to 'em. The wind was blowing a considerable of a 
 breeze from the southward, arid the fire spread almost 
 as fast as a horse could run. Grandmother used to say 
 it was the grandest sight she ever see, to see them are 
 six acres of trees all in a light flame at once, and the 
 fire streaming up as high as the tallest pines, sometimes 
 in a broad red sheet, and sometimes in narrow strips 
 that went up rolling and bending like ten thousand 
 fiery dragon's tongues. After the fire had gone through 
 it grandfather went to work to clear it up. He picked up 
 the limbs and bits that were left and threw 'em in heaps 
 and sot fire to 'em again, and he laid sticks across the 
 large logs that were too heavy to move, and niggered 
 them off with file, and then roolled them up in piles and 
 sot fire to 'em again and burnt 'em all up smack smooth. 
 Then he went to work and planted the ground all over 
 to corn, and potatoes, and punkins, and beans, and 
 squashes, and round near the house he planted water- 
 millions, and mush-millions, and cowcumbers, and beats 
 and carrots and tarnips ; and grandmother carried out 
 a whole apron full of seeds of all kinds of arbs that 
 ever grew in old Massachusetts, and sowed 'em all 
 round, and they come up as thick as hops. 
 
 After this the family of old Mr Zebedee Downing al 
 ways lived like heroes and never knew what it was to 
 be in want. They had ten children, and a smart likely 
 set of boys and gals they were too, and they all lived to 
 
MAJOR JACK DOW'NING. 23 
 
 grow up, and were all married and well to do in the 
 world. Father, whose name was Solomon 7|i was the 
 oldest boy, and as they grew up, the hardest of the work 
 naturally fell upon him, and as grandfather begun to get 
 along considerable in years, father had to take the prin 
 cipal care of the farm. So that he was always called a 
 hard-working boy and a Jiard-working mHi He had 
 a quiet peaceable disposition, and was never known to 
 quarrel with any body, and scarcely ever to speak a 
 hash word. He was always out as soon as it was light 
 in the morning, and worked as long as he could see at 
 night, and let the weather be what it would, cold or hot, 
 rain or shine, his day's work was never left undone. 
 But this hard work, and going out in the wet and cold 
 so much, brought on the rumaties and made an old 
 man of him before he was fifty. For ten years past he 
 has n't been able to do hardly any thing, and he can't 
 get about now half so smart as grandfather, -although he 
 is twenty-two years younger. 
 
 Uncle Joshua was the next oldest, and he was as dif 
 ferent from father as a toad wants a tail. He was a 
 clear shirjt, and never would work if he could help it. 
 But he was always good natured, and full of his pranks, 
 and kept his clack agoing the whole day long ; so that 
 the boys used to like him, and whenever they wanted 
 to have any frolic or fun they always used to go to him 
 to take the lead. As he grew up he took to reading 
 considerable, and after they begun to have newspapers 
 at Downingville he was a master hand to read newspa 
 pers and talk politics, and by the time he was twenty- 
 five years old he knew more about_ politics than any 
 other man in Downingville. When he was thirty years 
 old he was chosen Moderator of the town mpftlm^ and 
 has been chosen to that office every year since. He's 
 been a squire a good many years, and has held most all 
 the offices in town one after another, and is on the whole 
 considered the foremost man in Downingville. He is 
 
24 LIFE OP 
 
 now Post Master of the United States for Downingville, 
 an office which I was the means of helping him to by 
 my acquaintance with the President. Uncle Joshua has 
 been a considerable of a trading sort of a character, and 
 he 's got pretty well afore hand, so that he lives in a 
 nice two story house, painted red, with a good orchard 
 round it, and owns a good farm, and a saw-mill, besides 
 considerable wild land. 
 
 I cant stop now to tell about the rest of my uncles and 
 ants, for I've got so many letters to put into this book 
 that if I stop to tell about one half of my relations there 
 would n't be room enough for the letters ; and it would 
 n't do to leave them out, for they contain all the history 
 of my public life. So I may as well break right off from 
 the rest of 'em, and begin to tell about myself. 
 
 I believe I was born somewhere about the year seven 
 teen hundred and ninety-five, more or less, and mother 
 says I was the smartest baby that she ever see. I dont 
 speak of this by way of bragging, but as I am writing a 
 history to go before the world, I'm bound to be impartial. 
 She says before I was a week old I showed that I was 
 real grit, and could kick and scream two hours upon the 
 stretch, and not seem to be the least bit tireil that ever 
 was. But I dont remember any thing abo'ut this. The 
 first I remember, I found myself one cold November 
 day, when I was about five years old, bareheaded and 
 barefoot, sliding on the ice. It had been a snapping 
 cold night, and in the morning the pond was all froze 
 over as smooth as glass, and hard enough to bear a 
 horse. All the boys in the neighborhood, and most all 
 the gals, turned out and had a fine frolic that day, slid 
 ing and running on the pond. Most of the larger boys 
 had shoes, but we little fellers that want big enough to 
 wear shoes had to tuff it out as welAs we could. I car 
 ried a great pine chip in my hand, and when my feet 
 got so cold I could n't stand it no longer, I'd put the 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 25 
 
 chip down and stand on that a little while and warm 
 'em, and then at it to sliding again like a two year old. 
 When I got to be considerable of a boy I used to have 
 to work with father on the farm. But it always seemed 
 to go rather against my grain, and father used to say 
 that I did n't love work a bit better than uncle Joshua 
 did, without he'd give me my stent, and then he said I 
 would spring to it and get it done by noon, and go off 
 round the pond in the afternoon fishing or hunting mus 
 quash. 1 think I took the most comfort in catching 
 musquash of any thing I used to do. There was a good 
 deal of pleasure in catching pickerel ; to take a long 
 fishing pole and line, and go down to the pond in the 
 morning, and stand on a log whose top limbs run away 
 off into the water, and throw the hook oft* and bob it 
 about on the top of the water, and see a great pickerel 
 jump and catch it, and wait a minute or two for him to 
 get it well into his mouth, and then pull him ashore, 
 kicking and jumping and flouncing this was most capi 
 tal fun, but it want quite equal to musquashing. I had 
 a little steel trap, and I used to go down at night to the 
 bank of a brook that run into the pond, and set the trap 
 on the bank just under water, and fasten it by a line to 
 a stake or a tree, and put a bit of a parsnip on a stick 
 and place it over the trap a little above the water, and 
 then go home and sleep as well as I could for dreaming 
 of musquashes, and as soon as it was cleverly light in 
 the morning go down to the pond and creep along where 
 the trap was sot, with my heart in my mouth, wondering 
 if it was sprung or no, and come along to the stake and 
 see no trap, but the line drawn straight out into the 
 water, then take hold of the line and draw up the trap, 
 and see it rising up through the water fast hold of a 
 great plump musquasn", as dead as a drownded rat and 
 full of fur as a beaver, this was fun alive ; it made me 
 feel as nicely as though I was hauling up a bucket of 
 dollars. The summer I was fourteen years old I catch- 
 3 
 
26 LIFE OF 
 
 ed enough to buy me a fur hat, and a pair of shoes, and a 
 new jacket and trowses ; and enough to buy me a 
 pretty good new suit of clothes almost every summer 
 after that till I was twenty. Howsomever I used to 
 stick to the farm pretty well, and help father along all I 
 could, for after I got old enough to think more about it, 
 it used to hurt my feelings to see the old gentleman 
 work so hard. And many a time when he has taken 
 hold of a hard job to do, I have gone to him and took it 
 out of his hands, and said, now father you go into the 
 house and set down and rest you, and let me do this. 
 And the old gentleman would turn round, but I could 
 see the water come into his eyes, and he would say, 
 * Well Jack, you are a kind boy, let folks say what they 
 will of you ;' and then he would take his staff and walk 
 away into the house. 
 
 We used to have a school in Downingville about three 
 months in the winter season and two months in the sum 
 mer, and I went to the winter school three winters, from 
 the time I was twelve till I was fifteen. And I was 
 called about the best scholar of my age that there was 
 in school. But to be impartial, I must confess the 
 praise did n't always all belong to me, for I used some 
 times to work headwork a little in order to get the name 
 of being a smart scholar. One instance of it was in 
 reading. I got along in reading so well, that the master 
 said I read better than some of the boys that were con 
 siderable older than I, and that had been to school a 
 dozen winters. But the way I managed it was this. 
 There was cousin Obediah was the best reader there 
 was in school, and as clever a boy as one in a thousand* 
 only his father had n't got no orchard. So I used to 
 carry a great apple to school in my pocket every day 
 and give to him to get him to set behind me when I was 
 reading, where he could peak into my book, and when I 
 come to a hard word, have him whisper it to me, and 
 then I read it out loud. Well, one day I was reading 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 27 
 
 along so, pretty glib, and at last I come to a pesky great 
 long crooked word, that I could n't make head nor tail 
 to it. So I waited for Obediah. But it proved to be a 
 match for Obediah. He peaked, and squinted, and 
 choked, and I was catching my breath and waiting for 
 him to speak ; and at last he found he could do nothing 
 with it, and says he, * skip it.' The moment I heard 
 the sound I bawled out, skip it. What's that ? said the 
 master, looking at me as queer as though he had catched 
 a weazel asleep. I stopt and looked at the word again, 
 and poked my tongue out, and waited for Obediah. 
 Well, Obediah give me a hunch, and whispered again, 
 1 skip it.' Then I bawled out again, skip it. At that the 
 master and about one half the scholars yaw-hawed right 
 out. I could n't stand that ; and I dropt the book and 
 streaked it out of school, and pulled foot for home as 
 fast as I could go, and 1 never showed my head in 
 school again from j jjial_dajjo this. But for all that, I 
 made out to pick up a pretty good education. I got so 
 I could read and spell like a fox, and could cypher as 
 far as the rule of three. And when I got to be about 
 twenty years old, I was strongly talked of one winter for 
 schoolmaster. But as a good many of the same boys 
 and gals would go to me, that were in the school when I 
 read ' skip it,' I did n't dare to venture it for fear there 
 would be a sort of a snickering among 'em whenever 
 any of the scholars come to a hard word. 
 
 So I jogged along with father on the farm. But let 
 me be doing what I would, whether it was hoeing pota 
 toes, or pitching hay, or making stone wall, or junking 
 and piling logs, I never could feel exactly easy ; some 
 thing seemed to keep ringing in my ears all the time, 
 and saying I was made to do something else in the world 
 besides this. And an old woman that come along and 
 told fortunes, when she come to tell mine, said that 
 wherever I should go and whatever I should undertake 
 to do, I should always get to the top of the ladder. I 
 
28 LIFE OP 
 
 believe I have mentioned it somewhere in one of my 
 letters. Well, this made me keep a thinking so much 
 the harder, and wondering- what I should be in the 
 world, and although I used to stick to my work as 
 steady as any of the boys, yet I used to feel as uneasy 
 as a fish out of water. But what made me think most 
 about it was father. He always used to stand to it I 
 was smarter than common boys, and used to tell mother 
 she might depend upon it, if I lived and nothing did n't 
 happen to me, I should some day or other raise the 
 name of the Downings higher than it ever had been yet. 
 At last father drempt a dream y that put the cap-stone 
 upon the whole of it. He dreampt that I was out in the 
 field hoeing potatoes, and he stood leaning over his staff, 
 as he very often used to do, looking at me. By and by 
 he said I stopt hoeing, and stood up and leaned my chin 
 on my hoe handle, and seemed to look up towards the 
 sky; and he said I looked as calm as the moon in a 
 clear summer night. Presently my hat begun to rise up 
 gradually, and dropt off on to the ground, but I stood 
 still. Then he said the top of my head begun to open, 
 and a curious green plant begun to sprout up out of it. 
 And it grew up about two feet, and sent out ever so 
 many young branches with broad green leaves, and then 
 the little buds begun to open and roll out great clusters 
 of the most beautiful bright flowers one above another 
 that ever he see in all his life. He watched 'em till they 
 all got blowed out into a great round bunch, as big as a 
 bushel basket ; and then he waked up, and he felt so he 
 got right out of bed and walked the floor till morning. 
 And when we all got up, he sot down and told the dream 
 over to I and mother. Mother sot with her pocket 
 handkerchief wiping the tears out of her eyes all the 
 time he was telling of it ; and I felt as though my blood 
 was running cold all over me. But from that time I 
 always feiLsure the time w nn M flftrP ft whpn Downing- 
 ville would n't be big enough to hold me, and that I 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 29 
 
 should do something or other in the world that would be 
 worth telling of; but what it would be I could n't 
 think. 
 
 Well, I kept jogging along on the farm after the same 
 old sort, year after year, so long, and there did n't 
 nothing happen to me, that sometimes I almost begun to 
 give it up, and think sure enough it was all nothing but 
 a dream, iftill I kept having spells that I felt terrible 
 uneasy, and was tempted forty times to pack up and go 
 and seek my fortune. I might tell a good deal more 
 about my life, and my uncles and ants and cousins, and 
 the rest of the neighbors : but I begin to feel a most 
 tired of writing my life, and believe I shall have to serve 
 it pretty much as I planted my watermillion seeds. And 
 that was this. When I was about six or seven years 
 old, our folks give me a pint of watermillion seeds and 
 told me to go out into the field and plant 'em for myself, 
 and I might have all I could raise. So off I goes tickled 
 enough. And I went to work and punched little holes 
 down in the ground and put in one seed to time along in 
 a row, three or four inches apart, till I got about half 
 the seeds planted. It was rather a warm afternoon and 
 I begun to feel a little tired, so I took and dug a hole 
 and poured the rest of the seeds all in together, and 
 covered 'em up, and went into the house. Well, mother 
 asked me if I 'd planted my seeds ; yes mam, says I. 
 What, all of 'em, says she ? Yes mam, says I. But 
 you 've been very spry, says she, how did you get them 
 done so quick 1 O, says I, easy enough ; I planted 'em 
 in a hill and a row. And when they begun to come up 
 they found em in a hill and a row sure enough. So I 
 believe I shall have to pour the rest of my life into a 
 hill, and let it go. 
 
 To come then right to the pint I dont mean the 
 
 pint of watermillion seeds, but the pint in my life which 
 
 seemed to be the turning pint In the fall of the year 
 
 1829 I took it into my head I 'd go to Portland. I had 
 
 3* 
 
30 LIFE OF 
 
 heard a good deal about Portland, what a fine place 
 it was, and how the folks got rich there proper fast ; 
 and that fall there was a couple of new papers come 
 up to Downingville from there, called the Portland 
 Courier and Family Reader ; and they told a good 
 many queer kind of things about Portland and one thing 
 another ; and all at once it popped into my head, and I 
 up and told father, and says I, I 'm going to Portland 
 whether or no ; and I '11 see what this world is made of 
 yet. Father stared a little at first, and said he was 
 afraid I should get lost ; but when he see I was bent 
 upon it, he give it up ; arid he stepped to his chist and 
 opened the till, and took out a dollar and give to me, 
 and says he, Jack, this is all I can do for you ; but go, 
 and lead an honest life, and I believe I shall hear good 
 of you yet. He turned and walked across the room, 
 but I could see the tears start into his eyes, and mother 
 sot down and had a hearty crying spell. This made 
 me feel rather bad for a minute or two, and I almost 
 had a mind to give it up ; and then again father's dream 
 came into my mind, and I mustered up courage, and 
 declared 1 'd go. So I tackled up the old horse and 
 packed in a load of ax handles and a few notions, and 
 mother fried me some dough-nuts and put 'em into a box 
 along with some cheese and sassages, and ropped me up 
 another shirt, for I told her I did n't know how long I 
 should be gone ; and after I got all rigged out, I went 
 round and bid all the neighbors good bye, and jumped in 
 and drove off for Portland. 
 
 Ant Sally had been married two or three years before 
 and moved to Portland, and I inquired round till I found 
 out where she lived, and went there and put the old 
 horse up and eat some supper and went to bed. And the 
 next morning I got up and straightened right off to see 
 the Editor of the Portland Courier, for I knew by what 
 I had seen in his paper that he was jest the man to tell 
 me which way to steer. And when I come to see him 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 31 
 
 I knew I was right ; for soon as I told him my name and 
 what I wanted, he took me by the hand as kind as if he 
 had been a brother ; and says he, Mr. Downing, I '11 do 
 any thing I can to assist you. You have come to a good 
 town ; Portland is a healthy thriving place, and any man 
 with a proper degree of enterprise may do well here. 
 But says he, Mr. Downing, and he looked mighty kind 
 of knowing, says he, if you want to make out to your 
 mind, you must do as the steamboats do. Well, says I, 
 how do they do ? for I did n't know what a steam boat 
 was, any more than the man in the moon. Why, says 
 he, they go ahead. And you must drive about among 
 the folks here jest as though you were at home on the 
 farm among the cattle. Dont be afraid of any of 'em, 
 but figure away, and I dare say you will get into good 
 business in a very little while. But says he, there 's one 
 thing you must be careful of, and that is not to get into 
 the hands of them are folks that trades up round Huck- 
 ler's Row ; for there 's some sharpers up there, if they 
 get hold of you, would twist your eye teeth out in five 
 minutes. Well after he had gin me all the good advice 
 he could I went back to Ant Sally's again and got some 
 breakfast, and then I walked all over the town to see 
 what chance I could find to sell my ax handles and 
 things, and to get into business. 
 
 After I had walked about three or four hours I come 
 along towards the upper end of the town where I found 
 there were stores and shops of all sorts and sizes. And 
 I met a feller, and says I, what place is this ? Why this 
 says he, is Huckler's Row. What, says I, are these the 
 stores where the traders in Huckler's Row keep ? And 
 says he, yes. Well then, thinks I to myself, I have a 
 pesky good mind to go in and have a try with one of 
 these chaps, and see if they can twist my eye teeth out. 
 If they can get the best end of a bargain out of me, 
 they can do what there aint a man in Downingville can 
 do, and I should jest like to know what sort of stuff 
 
0/5 LIFE OF 
 
 these ere Portland chaps are made of. So in I goes 
 into the best looking store among 'em. And I see some 
 biscuit lying on the shelf, and says I, Mister, how much 
 do you ax apiece for them are biscuit '? A cent apiece, 
 says he. Well, says I, I shant give you that, but if you 
 Ve a mind to, I '11 give you two cents for three of 'em, 
 for I begin to feel a little as though I should like to take 
 a bite. Well, says he, I would n't sell 'em to any body 
 else so, but seeing it 's you I dont care if you take 'em. 
 I knew he lied, for he never see me before in his life. 
 Well he handed down the biscuits and I took 'em, and 
 walked round the store awhile to see what else he had 
 to sell. At last, says I, Mister, have you got any good 
 new cider 1 Says he, yes, as good as ever you see. 
 Well, says I, what do you ax a glass for it 1 Two cents, 
 says he. Well, says I, seems to me I feel more dry than 
 I do hungry now. Aint you a mind to take these ere 
 biscuit again and give me a glass of cider ? And says he 
 I dont care if I do ; so he took and laid 'em on the shelf 
 again, and poured out a glass of cider. I took the 
 cider and drinkt it down, and to tell the truth it was 
 capital good cider. Then, says I, I guess it 's time for 
 me to be a going, and I stept along towards the door. 
 But, says he, stop Mister. I believe you have n't paid 
 me for the cider. Not paid you for the cider, says I, 
 what do you mean by that 1 Did n't the biscuit that I 
 give you jest come to the cider 1 Oh, ah, right, says 
 he. So I started to go again ; and says he, but stop, 
 Mister, you did n't pay me for the biscuit. What, says 
 J, do you mean to impose upon me ? do you think I am 
 going to pay you for the biscuit and let you keep 'em tu ? 
 Aint they there now on your shelf, what more do you 
 want 1 I guess sir, you dont whittle me in that way. 
 So I turned about and marched off, and left the feller 
 staring and thinking and scratching his head, as though 
 he was struck with a dunderment. Howsomever, I did 
 n't want to cheat him, only jest to show 'em it want so 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 33 
 
 easy a matter to pull my eye teeth out, so I called in 
 next day and paid him his two cents. Well I staid at 
 Ant Sally's a week or two, and I went about town every 
 day to see what chance I could find to trade off my ax 
 handles, or hire out, or find some way or other to begin 
 to seek my fortune. 
 
 Arid I must confess the editor of the Courier was about 
 right in calling Portland a pretty good thriving sort of a 
 place; every body seemed to be as busy as so many bees ; 
 and the masts of the vessels stuck up round the wharves 
 as thick as pine trees in uncle Joshua's pasture ; and the 
 stores and the shops were so thick, it seemed as if there 
 was no end to 'em. In short although I have been round 
 the world considerable, from that time to this, all the way 
 from Madawaska to Washington, I 've never seen any 
 place yet that I think has any business to grin at Port 
 land. 
 
 At last I happened to blunder into the Legislator ; and 
 I believe that was the beginning of my good luck. I see 
 such queer kinds of carrying on there, that I could n't 
 help setting down and writing to cousin Ephraim fr> te.11 
 jincle .Tnahiia-ahoiit it ; because he always wanted to know 
 every thing that's going on in politics. So I went to the 
 editor of the Portland Courier, for I had got out of money, 
 and asked him if he would be so good as to lend me 
 ninepence to pay the postage. And he said he would 
 with all his heart. But he could tell me a better way 
 than that ; if I had a mind to let him have the letter he 
 would send it up in the Courier and it would'nt cost any 
 postage at all. So I let him have it, and fact, he went 
 right to work and printed it in the Courier as large as 
 life. He said he would n't let any body see it but cousin 
 Ephraim ; but somehow or other it leaked out and was 
 all over the Legislater the next morning, and every body 
 was inquiring for Mr Downing. Well this kind of got 
 me right into public life at once ; and I 've been in public 
 life ever since, and have been writing letters and rising 
 
34 LIFE OF MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 up along gradually one step after another, till I Ve got 
 up along side of the President, and am talked of now 
 pretty strong for President myself, and have been nomi 
 nated in a good many of the first papers in the country. 
 All my public life pretty much may be found in my 
 letters. And I shall put 'em into this book along one 
 after another jest as they come, from the time I first sent 
 that letter in the Portland Courier to cousin Ephraim till 
 this time. I don't know but some of the politics in 'em 
 will want a little explaining along by the way, so I have 
 got my friend the editor of the Portland Courier, to put 
 in some notes wherever he thinks they want 'em. 
 
Together with a few from Cousin Nobby, and Uncle 
 Joshua, and Cousin Ephraim, and so on ; containing a 
 pretty considerable account of my public life from Jinua- 
 ry 1830 to November 1833. 
 
 \Note by the Editor. The political struggle in the Legislature 
 of Maine in the winter of 1830 will long be remembered. The 
 preceding electioneering campaign had been carried on with a bit 
 terness and personality unprecedented in the State, and so nearly 
 were the parties divided, that before the meeting of the Legislature 
 to count the votes for Governor both sides confidently claimed the 
 victory. Hence the members came together with feelings highly 
 excited, prepared to dispute every inch of ground, and ready to 
 take fire at the first spark which collision might produce. A fierce 
 war commenced at the first moment of the meeting, and continued 
 for about six weeks without intermission, before they succeeded in 
 organizing the government. It was during this state of things that 
 Mr Downing fortunately happened to drop into the Legislature, 
 when his prolific genius was at once fired to record the scenes that 
 were passing before him, for the edification not only of the present 
 generation but of remote posterity. In explanation of the first let 
 ter, it may be remarked, that as soon as the Representatives hud 
 assembled, Albert Smith, Esq. of Nobleborough, the present Marshal 
 of Maine, called them to order, and nominated Mr White of Mon- 
 mouth, Chairman, who was declared elected without ceremony, and 
 took the chair. After he had occupied it two days Mr Goodenow 
 was elected Speaker.] 
 
 LETTER I. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells about choosing- Speaker. 
 
 Portland, Monday, Jan. 18, 1830. 
 To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Downingville. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN EPHRAIM. I now take my pen in hand 
 to let you know that I am well, hoping these few lines 
 
36 LETTERS OF 
 
 will find you enjoying the same blessing. When I come 
 down to Portland I did n't think o' staying more than 
 three or four days, if I could sell my load of ax han 
 dles, and mother's cheese, and cousin Nabby's bundle of 
 footings ; but when I got here I found uncle Nat was 
 gone a freighting down to Quoddy, and ant Sally said 
 as how I should n't stir a step home till he come back 
 agin, which wont be this month. So here I am, loiter 
 ing about this great town, as lazy as an ox. Ax han 
 dles dont fetch nothing, I could n't hardly give 'em away. 
 Tell cousin Nabby I sold her footings for nine-pence a 
 pair, and took it all in cotton cloth. Mother's cheese 
 come to five-and-sixpence ; I got her half a pound of 
 shushon, and two ounces of snuff, and the rest in sugar. 
 When uncle Nat comes home I shall put my ax handles 
 aboard of him, and let him take 'em to Boston next 
 time he goes ; I saw a feller tother day, that told me 
 they'd fetch a good price there. I've been here now a 
 whole fortnight, and if I could tell ye one half I've seen, 
 I guess you'd stare worse than if you'd seen a cata 
 mount. I've been to meeting, and to the museum, and 
 to both Legislaters, the one they call the House, and 
 the one they call the Sinnet. I spose uncle Joshua is 
 in a great hurry to hear something about these Legisla 
 ters ; for you know he's always reading newspapers, 
 and talking politics, when he can get any body to talk 
 with him. I've seen him, when he had five tons of hay 
 in the field well made, and a heavy shower coming up, 
 stand two hours disputing with squire W. about Adams 
 and Jackson, one calling Adams a tory and a fed, and 
 the other saying Jackson was a murderer and a fool ; 
 so they kept it up, till the rain began to pour down, and 
 about spoilt all his hay. 
 
 Uncle Joshua may set his heart at rest about the bushel 
 of corn that he bet long with the post-master, that Mr 
 Ruggles would be Speaker of that Legislator, they call 
 the House ; for he 's lost it, slick as a whistle. As I 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 37 
 
 had n't much to do, I Ve been there every day since 
 they Ve been a setting. 4 J^r W hitp ^ f 1\Tnnmniith was 
 thfi i^prnkft^ the two first days ; and I cant see why they 
 did n't keep him in all the time ; for he seemed to be a 
 very clever good-natured sort of man, and he had such a 
 smooth pleasant way with him, that I could n't help feel 
 ing sorry when they turned him out and put in another. 
 But some said he was n't put in hardly fair ; and I dont 
 know as he was, for the first day when they were all com 
 ing in and crowding round, there was a large fat man, 
 with a round, full, jolly sort of a face, I suppose he was 
 the captain, for he got up and commanded them to come 
 to order, and then he told thi Mr White to whip into the 
 chair quicker than you could say Jack Robinson. Some 
 of 'em scolded about it, and I heard some, in a little 
 room they called the lobby > say 'twas a mean trick ; but 
 I could n't see why, for I thought Mr White made a capi 
 tal Speaker, and when our company turns out you know 
 the captain always has a right to do as he 's a mind to. 
 
 They kept disputing most all the time the two first 
 days about a poor Mr Roberts from Waterborough. 
 Some said he should n't have a seat, because he adjourned 
 the town meeting, and was n't^fairly elected. Others 
 said it was no such thing, and .that he was elected as 
 fairly as any of 'em. And Mr Roberts himself said he 
 was, and said he could bring men that would swear to it, 
 and good men too. But notwithstanding all this, when 
 they carne to vote, they got three or four majority that 
 he should n't have a seat. And I thought it a needless 
 piece of cruelty, for they rennt crowded, and there was 
 a number of seats empty. But they would have it so, 
 and the poor man had to go and stand up in the lobby. 
 
 Then they disputed awhile about a Mr Fowler's having 
 a seat. Some said he should n't have a seat, because 
 when he was elected some of his votes were given for his 
 father. But they were more kind to him than they were 
 to Mr Roberts ; for they voted that he should have a seat 5 
 4 
 
38 LETTERS OP 
 
 and I suppose it was because they thought he had a law 
 ful right to inherit whatever was his father's. They all 
 declared there was no party politics about it, and I dont 
 think there was ; for I noticed that all who voted that Mr 
 Roberts should have a seat, voted that Mr Fowler should 
 not; and all who voted that Mr Roberts should not have 
 a seat, voted that Mr Fowler should. So, as they all vo 
 ted both ways, they must have acted as their consciences 
 told them, and I dont see how there could be any party 
 about it. 
 
 It 's a pity they could n't be allowed to have two speak 
 ers, for they seemed to be very anxious to choose Mr 
 Ruggles and Mr Goodenow. They two had every vote, 
 except one, and if they had had that, I believe they would 
 both have been chosen ; as it was, however, they both came 
 within a humbird's eye of it. Whether it was Mr Rug 
 gles that voted for Mr Goodenow, or Mr Goodenow for 
 Mr Ruggles, I can't exactly tell ; but I rather guess it was 
 Mr Ruggles voted for Mr Goodenow, for he appeared to 
 be very glad that Mr Goodenow was elected, and went up 
 to him soon after Mr Goodenow took the chair, and shook 
 hands with him as good-natured as could be. I would 
 have given half my load of ax handles, if they could both 
 have been elected and set up there together, they would 
 have been so happy. But as they can't have but one 
 speaker at a time, and as Mr Goodenow appears to un 
 derstand the business very well, it is not likely Mr Rug 
 gles will be speaker any this winter. So uncle Joshua 
 will have to shell out his bushel of corn, and I hope it 
 will learn him better than to bet about politics again. If 
 he had not been a goose, he might have known he would 
 loose it, even if he had been ever so sure of getting it ; 
 for in these politics there 's never any telling which way 
 the cat will jump. You know, before the last September 
 election, some of the papers that came to our town had 
 found out that Mr Hunton would have five thousand 
 majority of the votes. And some of the other papers had 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 39 
 
 found out that Mr Smith would have five thousand major 
 ity. But the cat jumped 'tother way to both of 'em ; for 
 I cant find yet as either of 'em has got any majority. 
 Some say Mr Hunton has got a little majority, but as far 
 from five thousand as I am from home. And as for Mr 
 Smith, they dont think he has any majority at all. You 
 remember, too, before I came from home, some of the 
 papers said how there was a majority of ten or fifteen 
 national republicans in the Legislater, and the other papers 
 said there was a pretty clever little majority of democratic 
 republicans. Well, now every body says it has turned 
 out jest as that queer little paper, called the Daily Cou 
 rier, said 't would. That paper said it was such a close 
 rub, it could n't hardly tell which side would beat. And it 
 's jest so, for they Ve been here now mo'st a fortnight acting 
 jest like two boys playin see-saw on a rail. First one 
 goes up, then 'tother ; but I reckon one of the boys is 
 rather heaviest, for once in awhile he comes down chuck, 
 and throws the other up into the air as though he would 
 pitch him head over heels. 
 
 In that 'tother Legislater they call the Sinnet, there 
 has been some of the drollest carryins on that you ever 
 heard of. If I can get time I '11 write you something 
 about it, pretty soon. So I subscribe myself, in haste, 
 your loving cousin till death. 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
40 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER II. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells about poor Mr Roberts having 
 to stand up. 
 
 [Note by the Editor, It was the rule at the meeting of the 
 Legislature to admit all to a seat who could produce a certificate of 
 their election, which certificate was considered ^r^n farifj PW- 
 dence that they were uuly relumed its' members! The" Portland 
 Argus and Advertiser were the leading papers of the two parties ; 
 and as matters began to grow worse and worse in the Legislature, 
 the Argjif constantly affirmed that the Democratic republicans used 
 every endeavor in their power to orgarlize tne government and 
 proceed in the public business, but that the Huntonites would not 
 let them. And the Advertiser_as constantly affirmed, that the na 
 tional rgmiblioans use*d their Utmost endeavors to proceed in the 
 public business, but the Jacksonites would not let them.] 
 
 Portland, Jan. 22, 1830. 
 
 To Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA. I spose you learnt by my let 
 ter t'other day to cousin Ephraim, that you had lost the 
 bushel of corn you bet about the Speaker in the Legis- 
 later ; I mean that Legislater they call the House ; for 
 Mr White got it first, arid then Mr Goodenow got it, and 
 he's kept it ever since. And they say he'll be Speaker 
 all winter, although he don't speak near so much as 
 some the _rest of 'em. There's lawyer iTuggles, of 
 Thomaston/that used to be Speaker, and folks say he 
 made a very smart one. And there's lawyer Boutelle, 
 of Waterville, who's got eyes sharp enough to look 
 through any body, and who makes 'em all as still as 
 mice when he speaks. And there's lawyer Smith of 
 Nobleborough ; he looks very much like a man I saw 
 in the museum, that they called Daniel Lambert, only 
 he is'nt quite so large ; but my patience, he's a real 
 peeler for speaking, and sometimes he pours out his 
 voice so as to make me jump right up on my feet. If 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 41 
 
 I was going to bet who would be Speaker next year, I 
 should bet upon him before any body else. And there's 
 lawyer Bourne, of Kennebunk, and lawyer Kent, of 
 Bangor, and lawyer Norton, of Milburn, and doctor 
 Burnham, of Orland, and doctor Shaw of Wiscasset, and 
 doctor Wells, of Freeport, and parson Knowlton, of 
 Montville, and parson Swett, of Prospect, and some 
 others, if I could only think of 'em. Now, most any 
 of these speak more than Mr Goodenow does ; and still 
 Mr Goodenow is called the Speaker, because they voted 
 that he should be. They've disputed two days more 
 about that poor Mr Roberts having a seat. I can't see 
 why they need to make such a fuss about it. As they've 
 got seats enough, why don't they let him have one, and 
 not keep him standing up for three weeks in the lobby 
 and round the fire ; its a plaguy sight worse than being 
 on a standing committee, for they say the standing com 
 mittees have a chance to set most every day. But in 
 flic dispute about Mr Roberts lasi VV ednesday and 
 Thursday* the difficulty seemed to be something or other 
 about a primy facy case. I don't know what sort of "a 
 case 'twas, but that's what they called it. Some said he 
 hadn't got any primy facy case, and he mus'nt have a 
 seat till he had one. The others stood to it that he had 
 got one, and a very good one ; Mr Ruggles said it was 
 full as good a one as the gentlemen from Portland had. 
 And they read above twenty papers that they called de 
 positions, about the town meeting at Waterborough ; but 
 they didn't seem to say any thing about the primy facy 
 case. About one half of 'em said the town meeting 
 was adjourned, and t'other half said twas'nt. And one 
 of the depositions said there was some of 'em at the 
 meeting agreed that Mr Roberts should n't be elected at 
 any rate ; and if they could n't prevent it any other 
 way, they agreed to keep up a row till midnight. And 
 when they brought in candles in the evening, they 
 
 all over, and put 'em out. So they all 
 
 4* 
 
42 LETTERS OF 
 
 had to clear out ; and some said there was a vote to ad 
 journ the meeting, and some said Mr Roberts adjourned 
 it alone, and some said 'twasn't adjourned at all. And 
 one of the depositioners said Mr Roberts offered to give 
 him as much rum as he would drink, if he would only 
 say the meeting was fairly adjourned. But all the de 
 positions didn't convince but sixty-nine members of the 
 House that Mr Roberts had a primy facy case ; and 
 there were seventy-five convinced t'other way. So, af 
 ter they had disputed two days, they voted again that 
 Mr Roberts shouldn't have a seat yet. 
 
 O dear, uncle Joshua, these Legislators have got the 
 State into a dreadful pickle. I've been reading the Port 
 land Argus and the Portland Advertiser, and it's enough 
 to scare a Bunker Hill sojer out of his seven senses, to 
 see what we are all coming to. According to these pa 
 pers, there are two very clever parties in the State, that 
 are trying with all their might to save us from ruin. 
 They are called democratic repvblikins, and national re- 
 publikins ; and you'd be pefectly astonished fo see how 
 Hard they've worked, as these papers say, in both Legis- 
 laters, to set things right, and get business a going on 
 well, so that we can have a governor, and live in peace 
 and harmony, and not break out into a civil war, and all 
 be ruined in a bunch. But it's doubtful if they'll make 
 out to save us after all ; for there is such a set of Jack- 
 sonites and Huntonites, that are all the time a plotting 
 to bring us to destruction, that I tell ye what 'tis, if 
 something isn't done pretty soon, it'll be gone goose 
 with us. 
 
 These Jacksonites and Huntonites seem to have a 
 majority in the Legislates ; and they 've been making a 
 proper bother for a most three weeks, so that the demo 
 cratic republikins and the national republikins could n't 
 do nothing at all. And sometimes I'm really afraid 
 they'll have to break up and go home without doing 
 any thing ; and if they do, they say we shall all be afloat, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 43 
 
 and there's no knowing where we shall land- The re- 
 publikins appointed a committee to count the votes for 
 governor, and the committee told 'em t'other day, there 
 was 39 majority for Mr Hunton, and he was elected. 
 But then these Jacksonites and Huntonites went to dis 
 puting about the matter ; and some say they will dis 
 pute it this fortnight yet. What a blessing it would be 
 if the Legislaters were all democratic and national re- 
 publikins. The people are growing pretty mad at all 
 this botheration, and I can't tell what'll be the end on't. 
 But I shall write again to you or cousin Ephraim pretty 
 soon. So I remain your loving neefu till death. 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 P. S. I concluded to send my letters in the Daily 
 Courier to save postage the printer said he would n't 
 show them to any body. 
 
 LETTER III. 
 
 In which Cousin Nabby advises Mr Downing to come home. 
 
 Downingville, Jan. 30, 1830. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN JACK. If you were only here, I would 
 break the handle of our old birch broom over your back 
 for serving me such a caper. Here I have been waiting 
 three weeks for that cotton cloth you got for the foot 
 ings ; and you know the meeting-house windows were 
 to have been broke a fortnight ago, if I had got it. And 
 then I had to tell Sam, I was waiting for some cotton 
 cloth. He tried to keep in with all his might, but he 
 burst out a laughing so, I'm a good mind to turn him off. 
 But if I do, you and he will be both in the same pickle. 
 You had better let them legislators alone ; and if you 
 can't sell your ax handles, take 'em and come home 
 
44 LETTERS OF 
 
 and mind your business. There is Jemima Parsons 
 romping about with the school-master, fair weather and 
 foul. Last Wednesday she went a sleigh-riding with him, 
 and to-night she's going to the singing-school, and he is 
 going to carry her. Last night she came over to our 
 house, and wanted me to go to uncle Zeke's to borry 
 their swifts, she said, when she knew we had some, and 
 had borried them a dozen times. I said nothing, but 
 went with her. When we got there, who should we find 
 but the school-master. I know Jemime knew it, and 
 went there purpose to have him go home with her. She 
 never askt for the swifts. Coming home, the master 
 askt her if she had seen your last letter. She said yes, 
 and began to laugh and talk about you, just as tho' I 
 was no relation. She said she guessed them legislaters 
 would try to make a governor out of you next, if you 
 staid there much longer. One of them steers you sold 
 to Jacob Small that week you went to Portland, died 
 t'other day ; and he says if we have no governor this 
 year, he wont pay you a cent for 'em. So you have 
 lost your steers and Jemima Parsons, jest by your dally- 
 in gliBmit there amon> lllUnTlegislaters. I say you had 
 better come home, and see to your own business. I spose 
 father and brother Eph. would like to have you stay 
 there all winter and tell 'em about the governors and 
 legislaters, but ant wants her tea, and I want my cot 
 ton cloth, so I wish you'd make haste home and bring 
 'em. Your loving Cousin, 
 
 NABBY. 
 To Mr Jack Downing. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 45 
 
 LETTER IV. 
 
 In which Uncle Joshua tells how he went to Boston, and 
 took dinner wiH the Gineral Court. 
 
 [Note by the Editor. This letter came through the Boston Daily 
 Advertiser, and there has always been some doubt whether it was 
 really written by that respectable and stanch patriot, Joshua 
 Downing. Esq. The Major says he has often asked him the ques 
 tion, at which his uncle Joshua would always shake his head and 
 laugh, but give no answer. It is written, however, in the pure 
 style of the Downing family, which is the strongest evidence we 
 can have that the letter is genuine.] 
 
 Letter from Joshua Downing, in Boston, to his nephew, Jack 
 Downing, in Portland. 
 
 NEPHEW, I left home just after your letter to 
 your cousin Ephraim got there, and I didn't get a sight 
 of your letter to me that you put into the Courier at 
 Portland, until I saw it in the Daily Advertiser in Boston, 
 and I guess Mr Hale is the only person in Boston who 
 takes that are little Courier, so you was pretty safe 
 about the letter not being seen, as the printer promised 
 you. How I happened to see it here, you will find out 
 before I have got through with this letter. I guess you 
 wont be a little struck up when you find out that I'm ia 
 Boston but I had best begin at the beginning and then 
 I shall get thro' quicker. 
 
 After seeing your letter to Ephraim as I said before, 
 I concluded it wouldn't be a bad scheme to tackle up 
 and take a load of turkies, some apple-sauce, and other 
 notions that the neighbors wanted to get to market, and 
 as your uncle Nat would be in Boston with the ax hand 
 les, we all thought best to try our luck there. Nothing 
 happened worth mentioning on the road, nor till next 
 morning after I got here and put up in Elm street. I 
 then got off my watch pretty curiously, as you shall be 
 
46 LETTERS OF 
 
 informed. I was down in the bar room, and tho't it well 
 enough to look pretty considerable smart, and now and 
 then compared my watch with the clock in the bar, 
 and found it as near right as ever it was when a feller 
 stept up to me and ask'd how I'd trade 1 and says I, for 
 what? and says he, for you0 watch and says I, any 
 way that will be a fair shake upon that says he, I'll 
 give you my watch and five dollars. Says I, its done ! 
 He gave me the five dollars, and I gave him my watch. 
 Now, says I, give me your watch and, says he, with a 
 loud laugh, I han't got none and that kind aturn'd 
 the laugh on me. Thinks I, let them laugh that lose. 
 Soon as the laugh was well over, the feller thought he'd 
 try the watch to his ear -~- why, says he, it dont go 
 no, says I, not without its carried then I began to 
 laugh he tried to open it and couldn't start it a hair, 
 and broke his thumb nail into the bargain. Won't she 
 open, says he 7 Not's I know on, says I and then the 
 laugh seemed to take another turn. 
 
 Don't you think I got off the old Brittania pretty well, 
 considrin ? And then I thought I'd go and see about 
 my load of turkies and other notions. I expected to 
 have gone all over town to sell my load, but Mr Doolit- 
 tle told me if I'd go down to the new market, I should 
 find folks enough to buy all I had at once. So down I 
 goes, and a likely kind of a feller, with an eye like a 
 hawk arid quick as a steeltrap for a trade, (they called 
 him a 4th staller,) came up to the wagon, and before 
 you could say Jack Robinson, we struck a bargain for 
 the whole cargo and come to weigh and reckon up, I 
 found I should get as much as 10s6d more than any of 
 us calculated before I left home, and had the apple 
 sauce left besides. So I thought I'd jist see how this 
 4th staller worked his card to be able to give us so good 
 a price for the turkies, and I went inside the market- 
 house, and a grander sight I never expect to see ! But 
 it was the 3d staller, instead of the 4th, had my turkies 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING* 47 
 
 all sorted and hung up, and looking so much better that 
 I hardly should known 'em. Pretty soon, a gentleman 
 asked the 3d staller what he asked for turkies 1 Why, 
 says he, if you want something better than you ever saw 
 before, there's some 'twas killed last night purpose for 
 you. You may take 'em at 9d, being it's you. I'll give 
 you 12 cents, said the gentleman, as I've got some of 
 the General Court to dine with me, and must treat well. 
 I shant stand for half a cent with an old customer, says 
 he. And so they traded ; and in about the space of half 
 an hour or more, all mvturkies went into baskets at that 
 rate. The 4th staller gave rne 6d a pound, and I began 
 to think I'd been a little too much in a hurry for trade 
 but's no use to cry for spilt milk. Then I went up to the 
 State House to see what was going on there ; but I 
 thought I'd get off my apple-sauce on my way and 
 seeing a sign of old clothes bartered, I stepped in and 
 made a trade, and got a whole suit of superfine black 
 broadcloth from from top to toe, for a firkin of apple 
 sauce, (which didn't cost much I guess, at home.) 
 
 Accordingly I rigged myself up in the new suit, and 
 you 'd hardly known me. I did n't like the set of the 
 sjioulders, they were so dreadful puckery ; but the man 
 said that was all right. 1 guess he 'Tl find the apple 
 sauce full asjamftery when he gets down into it but 
 that 's between ourselves. Well, when I got up to the 
 State House I found them at work on the rail road 
 busy enough I can tell you they got a part of it made 
 already. I found most all the folks kept their hats on 
 except the man who was talking out loud and the man 
 he was talking to all the rest seemed to be busy about 
 their own consarns. As I did n't see any body to talk to 
 I kept my hat on and took a seat, and look'd round to 
 see what was going on. I had n't been setting long 
 before I saw a slick-headed, sharp-eyed little man, 
 who seemed to have the principal management of the 
 folks, looking at me prety sharp, as much as to say who 
 
48 lETtEHS OF 
 
 are you ? but I said nothing and looked tother way at 
 last he touched me on the shoulder I thought he was 
 feeling of the puckers. Are you a member ? says he 
 sartin says I how long have you taken your seat? 
 says he. About ten minutes, says I. Are you qualified ? 
 says he. I guess not, says I. And then he left me. I 
 did n't know exactly what this old gentleman was after 
 but soon he returned and said it was proper for me 
 to be qualified before I took a seat, and I must go before 
 the governor! By Jing ! I never felt so before in all my 
 born days. As good luck would have it, he was beckon 
 ed to come to a man at the desk, and as soon as his back 
 was turned I give him the slip. Jest as I was going off, 
 the gentleman who bought my turkies of the 4th staller 
 took hold of my arm, and I was afraid at first that he 
 was going to carry me to the Governor but he began 
 to talk as sociable as if we had been old acquaintances. 
 How long have you been in the house, Mr Smith, says 
 he. My name is Downing, said I. I beg your pardon, 
 says he I mean Downing. It 's no offence, says I, I 
 hav'nt been here long. Then says he in a very pleasan 
 way, a few of your brother members are to take pot-luck 
 with me to day, and I should be happy to have you join 
 them. What 's pot-luck said I. O, a family dinner, 
 says he no ceremony. I thought by. this time 1 1 was 
 well qualified for that without going to the Governor. 
 So says I, yes, and thank ye too. How long before 
 you '11 want me, says I. At 3 o'clock, says he, and gave 
 me a piece of paste board with his name on it and 
 the name of the street, and the number of his house, 
 and said that would show me the way. Well, says I, I 
 dont know of nothing that will keep me away. And 
 then we parted. I took considerable liking to him. 
 
 After strolling round and seeing a great many things 
 about the State House and the marble irnmage of Gin. 
 Washington, standing on a stump in the Porch, I went 
 out into the street they call Bacon street, and my stars! 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 49 
 
 what swarms of women folks I saw all drest up as if 
 they were going to meeting. You can tell cousin Polly 
 Sandburn, who you know is no slimster, that she 
 need n't take on so about being genteel in her shapes 
 for the genteelest ladies here beat her as to size all hol 
 low. I dont believe one of 'em could get into our fore 
 dore and as for their arms I should n't want better 
 measure for a bushel of meal than one of their sleeves 
 could hold. I shant shell out the bushel of corn you say 
 I 've lost on Speaker Ruggles at that rate. But this 
 
 puts me in mind of the dinner which Mr. wants 
 
 I should help the Gineral Court eat. So I took out the 
 piece of paste board, and began to inquire my way and 
 got along completely, and found the number the first 
 time but the door was locked, and there was no 
 knocker, and I thumpt with my whip handle, but nobody 
 come. And says I to a man going by, dont nobody live 
 here ? and says he yes. Well, how do you get in 1 Why, 
 says he, ring ; and says I, ring what ? And says he, the 
 bell. And says I where 's the rope ? And says he, pull 
 that little brass nub ; and so I gave it a twitch, and I 'm 
 sure a bell did ring; and who do you think opened the 
 door with a white apron afore him ? You could n't 
 guess for a week a Sundays so I '11 tell you. It was 
 Stephen Furlong, who kept our district school last win 
 ter, for 5 dollars a month, and kept bachelor's hall, and 
 helped tend for Gineral Coombs a training days, and 
 make out muster rolls. We was considerably struck up 
 at first, both of us ; and when he found I was going to 
 
 eat dinner with Mr. and Gineral Court, he 
 
 thought it queer kind of doings but says he, I guess 
 it will be as well for both of us not to know each other 
 a bit more than we can help. And says I, with a wink, 
 you 're half right, and in I went. There was nobody 
 
 in the room but Mr. and his wife, and not a sign 
 
 of any dinner to be seen any where though I thought 
 
50 LETTERS OF 
 
 now and then when a side door opened, I could smell 
 cupboard, as they say. 
 
 I thought I should be puzzled enough to know what 
 to say, but I had 'nt my thoughts long to myself. Mr 
 
 has about as nimble a tongue as you ever heard, 
 
 and could say ten words to my one, and I had nothing 
 to do in the way of making talk. Just then I heard a 
 ringing, and Stephen was busy opening the door and 
 letting in the Gineral Court, who all had their hats off, 
 and looking pretty scrumptious, you may depend. I 
 did 'nt see but I could stand along side of 'em without 
 disparagement, except to my boots, which had just got 
 a lick of beeswax and tallow not a mite of dinner yet, 
 and I began to feel as if 'twas nearer supper-time than 
 dinner-time when all at once two doors flew away 
 from each other right into the wall, and what did I see 
 but one of the grandest thanksgiving dinners you ever 
 laid your eyes on and lights on the table, and silver 
 candlesticks and gold lamps over head the window 
 shutters closed I guess more than one of us stared at 
 first, but we soon found the way to our mouths I made 
 Stephen tend out for me pretty sharp, and he got my 
 plate filled three or four times with soup, which beat all 
 I ever tasted. I shan't go through the whole dinner 
 again to you but I am mistaken if it cost me much 
 for victuals this week, if I pay by the meal at Mr Doo- 
 little's, who comes pretty near up to a thanksgiving 
 every day. There was considerable talk about stock 
 and manufactories, and Her bilities, and rimidies, and a 
 great loss on stock. I thought this a good chance for 
 me to put in a word for I calculated I knew as much 
 abmit raising 1 stock and keeping over as any of 'em. 
 Saysl to Mr , there's one thing I've always ob 
 served in my experience in stock just as sure as you 
 try to keep over more stock than you have fodder to 
 carry them well into April, one half will die on your 
 hands, to a sartinty . and there's no remedy for it 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 51 
 
 I've tried it out and out, and there's no law that can 
 make a ton of hay keep over ten cows, unless you have 
 more carrots and potatoes than you can throw a stick 
 at. This made some of the folks stare who did 'nt know 
 much about stock and Steve give me a jog, as much 
 as to say, keep quiet. He thought I was getting into a 
 quog-mire, and soon after, giving me a wink, opened the 
 door and got me out of the room into the entry. 
 
 After we had got out of hearing, says I to Steve, how 
 are you getting on in the world should you like to 
 come back to keep our school if I could get a vote for 
 you? not by two chalks says Steve I know which 
 side my bread is buttered better than all that I get 12 
 dollars a month and found, and now and then some old 
 clothes, which is better than keeping school at 5 dollars 
 and find myself and work out my highway tax besides 
 then turning up the cape of my new coat, says he, I 
 guess I've dusted that before now most likely, says I, 
 but not in our district school. And this brings to mind 
 to tell you how I got a sight of your letter. They tell 
 me here that every body reads the Boston Daily Adver 
 tiser, because there is no knowing but what they may 
 find out something to their advantage, so I thought I 
 would be as wise as the rest of them, and before I got 
 half through with it, what should I find mixed up among 
 the news but your letter that you put into that little 
 paper down in Portland, and I knew it was your writing 
 before I had read ten lines of it. 
 
 I hope I've answered it to your satisfaction. 
 
 Your respectful uncle, JOSHUA DOWNING. 
 
 P. S. Mr Topliff says your uncle Nat is telegraphed, 
 but I'm afraid the ax handles wont come to much I 
 find the Boston folks make a handle of most any thing 
 they can lay hold of, and just as like as not they'll make 
 a handle of our private letters if they should see them. 
 
 N. B. You spell dreadful bad, according to my notion 
 
52 LETTERS OF 
 
 and this proves what I always said, that our district 
 has been going down hill ever since Stephen Furlong 
 left it. 
 
 [Note by the Editor. In order that the reader may understand the 
 progress of the war in the Legislature, it should be remarked that 
 the naij^ipa in the Senate were equally Divided. There were eight 
 Hunionites, or national repubhcalK, and eight Smithites, or dem 
 ocratic republicans, and four vacancies. The battles therefore in 
 the Senate were more serious, obstinate, and protracted, than they 
 were in the House. They balloted regularly for President every 
 day for about a fortnight. To illustrate the state of affairs at that 
 time, a couple of extracts from the Portland Courier in relation to 
 the balloting in the Senate are subjoined.] 
 
 From the Portland Courier, Jan. 1830. 
 
 Saturday forenoon the House having adjourned at an 
 early hour, we repaired to the Senate Chamber with 
 the view of standing watch awhile. We arrived just in 
 the height of a spirited skirmish, or what might almost 
 be called a battle ; but the room was crowded, and the 
 doorway so impenetrably thronged, that we could gain 
 no entrance. There was scarcely room for a man to 
 wedge his nose in, unless it were a remarkably thin and 
 sharp one. From the subdued and regular hum within, 
 there was evidently a debate going on, but we being 
 somewhat low in stature, and a solid phalanx of six- 
 footers standing before us, we were left in the unplea 
 sant predicament of stretching up on tiptoe without 
 catching a single glimpse of the scene, and holding our 
 hands behind our ears without distinguishing a syllable 
 that was uttered. 
 
 The debate however soon subsided. We learnt af 
 terwards from inquiry, that it related to the subject of 
 forming a convention with the House for the purpose of 
 filling vacancies, before the Senate was organized ; the 
 8 Huntonites voting in favor of the proposition, and 
 the 8 Smithites against it. A vote was then passed to 
 proceed to ballot for President again ; and luckily for 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 53 
 
 us, the ballot boxes were out in the lobby, and out came 
 the messenger, cutting his way like a hero, (we like to 
 have said, hero of New Orleans, but happened to think 
 some would say we were taking sides,) we simply say 
 then, he cut his way through the dense ranks of specta 
 tors, like a hero, and we crept in through the breach 
 he had made. The committee collected the votes for 
 President, and retired. In about ten minutes they re 
 turned, and declared the result ; 7 for Mr Dunlap, 7 
 for Mr Kingsbury, and 2 scattering. 
 
 They collected the votes again, and retired as before, 
 and returned as before, and declared the same result. 
 Again they proceeded in the same round, and came in 
 the third time, and stood ready to declare. The spec 
 tators had become so accustomed to the report, that they 
 were whispering it off in advance of the Committee, 
 like a mischievous and sinful boy running ahead of some 
 good old country Deacon, who always uses the same 
 words in prayer. Judge then, ye readers of the Cou 
 rier, what unspeakable astonishment prevailed, when 
 from the lips of the Chairman fell the startling words, 
 8 for Sanford Kingsbury, 6 for Robert P. Dunlap, and 
 2 scattering. 
 
 The effect was like that of a clap of thunder in the 
 dead of winter : some faces grew longer, and some 
 grew shorter ; in some eyes there was a look of wild 
 ness ; in others a leering complacency, that seemed to 
 say, 'your're dish'd at last; while some confounded 
 knowing glances from other quarters visibly replied, 
 ' not as you know on.' And to be sure these last were 
 in the right ; for round they went the fourth time, col 
 lected the ballots, counted them, and came in again 
 expectation was on tiptoe, and speculation was very 
 busy. Some thought this ballot would settle the ques 
 tion, but others doubted. The Committee declared, arid 
 the same old tune greeted the ears of the audieiue 
 5* 
 
54 LETTERS OF 
 
 7 for Mr Dunlap, 7 for Mr Kingsbury, and 2 scat 
 tering. 
 
 % 
 
 Another extract from the same. 
 
 A new Tune. We have to pitch our pipe to a new 
 tune this morning. The second great battle of the 
 session was fought, or rather terminated yesterday af 
 ternoon. After a regular engagement for eight days 
 in succession, during which time the regular armies of 
 Huntonites and Smithites in the Senate were drawn up 
 face to face, forenoon and afternoon, exchanging some 
 half a dozen shots every day, and then retiring by mu 
 tual consent, and sleeping upon their arms, the conflict 
 was ended yesterday afternoon by a ruse de guerre on the 
 part of the Huntonites, which led them to victory without 
 bloodshed. The Senate met in the afternoon at three 
 o'clock, and proceeded to their usual round of duties. 
 The committee received the votes for President, and re 
 tired, and came in again, and declared in the strains of 
 the old tune, 7 for Mr Dunlap, 7 for Mr Kingsbury, and 
 2 scattering. They proceeded again, and came in as 
 before. It was the fiftieth ballot since the commence 
 ment of the session ; and had a ffty pounder been un 
 expectedly discharged in the room, it would hardly have 
 produced a stronger sensation, than the declaration of 
 the Committee, when they piped away in the following 
 new tune : whole number of votes 15. Necessary to a 
 choice 8 : JOSHUA HALL has 8, ROBERT P. DUNLAP 6, 
 JAMES STEELE 1, Blank 1. We shall not attempt to 
 describe the coloring of faces, the wildness of eyes, or 
 the biting of lips that ensued ; for, not arriving in season 
 we did not see them. But we have no doubt from the 
 remarks of those who were present, that the occasion 
 would have furnished a scene for painting, full equal, if 
 not surpassing, that in the House on the choice of 
 Speaker. After the first consternation had subsided, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 55 
 
 Mr Hall was declared duly elected President of the 
 Senate. Whereupon he rose in his place, and thanked 
 the gentlemen of the Board for the confidence they had 
 placed in him. He doubted his abilities to discharge 
 properly the duties assigned him ; but under present 
 circumstances he would accept the trust. He accord 
 ingly took the Chair. 
 
 \Note by the Editor. Mr Hall, or Elder Hall, as he \ 
 called, was a d^mociatic republican, but was chosen Pi 
 clusivelv bv the national republican votes, he thrown 
 
 was usually 
 
 _____ President ex 
 
 clusively by the national republican votes, he throwing a blank 
 vote himself. He was a short, fleshy, good hearted old gentleman, 
 a minister of the Methodist denomination, and knew much more 
 about preaching than he did about politics. The democratic re 
 publicans after their first consternation at his election had subsided, 
 fearing that he had actually gone over to the enemy, took measures 
 to have a private consultation with him immediately after adjourn 
 ment. This interview resulted in nailing the old gentleman to his 
 former political faith, and he stuck to the party like wax during the 
 remainder of the session. So the Senate was still divided, eight to 
 eight, except when the four new Senators elected by the national 
 republicans to fill the vacancies, attempted to act.] 
 
 LETTER V. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells what a hobble the Legislature 
 got into, in trying to make so many Governors. 
 
 Portland, Feb. 1, 1830. 
 To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Downingville. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN EPHRAIM. I spose you expected me 
 to write to you agin long afore now and tell you some 
 thing more about these legislaters, and I meant to, but I 
 could n't very well ; for I'll tell you jest how twas. 
 Some days, when the legislater would get into a plaguy 
 hobble, I would think to myself, well, soon as they get 
 out of this snarl, I'll write to cousin Ephraim and tell 
 him all about it ; but before they got fairly out of that, 
 they'd be right into another ; and if I waited till next 
 
56 LETTERS OF 
 
 day to see how that ended, my keesers ! before night 
 they'd all be higgledy piggle in a worse hobble than 
 they'd ever been in afore. So if I wait to tell you how 
 it comes out, I believe I shall have to wait till haying 
 time. Another thing I've been waiting for, was to tell 
 you who was Governor. But, O dear, I cant find out 
 half so much about it now, here in this great city of 
 Portland, where all the Governors live, as I could six 
 months ago among the bear traps and log Bouses in our 
 town, way back in the woods. Last August, you know, 
 according to the papers we were going to have two 
 Governors right off, sure as rates ; Mr Hunton and Mr 
 Smith. Well now its got to be the first of February, 
 and we haven't got one yet. And although the governor- 
 makers have had four or five under way for a month 
 past, some think it very doubtful whether they will get 
 one done so as to be fit to use this year. There's Mr 
 Hunton, and Mr Smith, and Mr Cutler, and Mr Good- 
 enow, and Mr Hall, have all been partly made into Gov 
 ernors ; but when in all creation any of 'em will be fin 
 ished, I guess it would puzzle a Philadelphy lawyer to 
 tell. I stated in my letter to uncle Joshua, that there 
 were two very clever parties in the legislater, the dem 
 ocratic republikans and the national republikans ; and 
 they are so, and very industrious, and try to make things 
 go on right \ and I really believe, if the confounded 
 Jacksonites and Huntonites didn't bother 'em so, they 'd 
 make us a Governor, as quick as I could make an ax 
 handle. It is enough to do any body's heart good to see 
 how kind and obliging these democratic republikans and 
 national republikans are to each other, and how each 
 party tries to help the other along ; and its enough to 
 make any body's blood boil,to see the Jacksonites and 
 Huntonites, jest like the dog in the manger, because they 
 cant eat the hay themselves, snap at these two clever 
 parties the moment either of 'em sets out to take a 
 mouthful. I'll jest give you an instance of the kindness 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 57 
 
 that these two clever parties show to each other. You 
 know the constitution says when we haven 't any Gov 
 ernor the President of the Sinnet must be Governor, 
 and when we have 'nt any President of the Sinnet, the 
 Speaker of the House must be Governor. So when 
 Governor Lincoln died Mr^Cutlej was Governor for 
 awhile, because he was last year President of the Sin- 
 net. M^ Goodenow is a national rejoublikan, and when 
 he was elected Speaker of the House, the democratic re- 
 publikans told himas there was no President of the 
 Sinnet elected yet, it belonged to him to be Governor^, 
 and tried as hard as though he had belonged to their 
 own party, to encourage him to go right into the coun 
 cil chamber and do the governor's business. But the 
 national republikans didn't dare to let him go, for he 
 was elected by only one majority, and they said if he 
 should leave the chair, it wouldn't be five minutes before 
 a Jacksonite would be whisked into it, and then the two 
 clever parties would all be up a tree. Well, jest so twas 
 in the Sinnet after Elder Hall was elected Ej^sident, 
 
 t ifi ".'* ^^M^^^ 
 
 only the bread was buttered on tother side. Ekjer HalHs 
 a dejn^frtatic republikan, and there was a great dealtough- 
 er scrabble to elect him, than there was to choose the 
 Speaker of the House. But as soon as he was elected, 
 the national republikans went to him very kindly, and 
 said, * Elder Hall, by the provisions of the constitution 
 you are now fairly Governor of the State till another 
 governor is qualified. Dont be bashful about it, but 
 please to walk right into the Council chamber, and do 
 the governor's business.' But the democratic republik 
 ans said, that would never do, for if he should, the Sin- 
 nrt TTnrrrd vrnijlrf be capsized in an instant and the Iclun- 
 tonites would rule the roast. So there was a pair of 
 Governors spoilt when they were more than half made, 
 jest by the mischief of the Jacksonites and Huntonites. 
 And the consequence is, that Mr Cutler has to keep do 
 ing the Governor's business yet, whether he wants to or 
 
58 LETTERS OF 
 
 not, and whether it is right for him to, or not. They 
 say the poor man is a good deal distressed about it, and 
 has sent to the great Judges of the Supreme Court to 
 know whether it's right for him to be Governor any 
 longer or not. If the Judges should say he mus 'nt be 
 Governor any longer, we shall be in a dreadful pickle. 
 Only think, no Governor, and no laws, but every body 
 do jest as they're a mind to. Well, if that should be 
 the case, I know one tfiing, that is, Bill Johnson will get 
 one good flogging for calling me a mean puppy and a 
 coward last summer ; I've longed to give it to him ever 
 since ; and^f the Legislater don't make a governor this 
 winter, I shall come right home, and Bill must look out. 
 What a pity 'tis they should waste so much time trying 
 to make so many governors ; for, if they should make 
 a dozen, we shouldn't want to use but one this year; 
 and it is thought if they had all clapt to and worked 
 upon one instead of working upon so many, they might 
 have had him done more than three weeks ago. 
 , Your lovin cuzen til death, 
 
 > JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER VI. 
 
 In which Mr Downing describes a sad mishap that bcfel 
 the House of Representatives. 
 
 [Note by the Editor. After a stormy debate in the House in rela 
 tion to forming a Convention of the two branches to fill the vacang 
 cies in the SenaJ^ the national republicans finally carried the flay ; 
 where upon*ttteaemocratic republicans hving remonstrated to the 
 last, took their hats and marched out of the House in a body, about 
 sixty in number, headed by Mr Smith of Nobleborough. The 
 national republicans of the two branches, however, held the Con 
 vention, and filled the vacancies in the Senate, and the next day 
 the democratic republicans returned to their seats.] 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 59 
 
 Portland, Tuesday, Feb. 2, 1830. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN EPHRAIM, I have jest time to write 
 you a short postscript to a letter that I shall send you in 
 a day or two. We have had a dreadful time here to 
 day. You know the wheels of government have been 
 stopt here for three or four weeks, and they all clapt 
 their shoulders under to-day, and give 'em a lift ; and 
 they started so hard, that as true as you're alive, they 
 split both Legislaters right in tu. Some say they are 
 split so bad, they can't mend 'em again, but I hope they 
 can though ; I shall tell you all about how 'twas done, in 
 a day or two. I've been expecting a letter from you, or 
 some of the folks, sometime. As I've got pretty short 
 of money, I wish you would send 'em in the Daily 
 Courier, so I shant have to pay the postage. 
 Your hearty cousin, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER VII. 
 
 In which affairs take a more favourable turn. 
 
 Portland, Feb. 3, 1830. 
 
 COUSIN EPHRAIM, I thought I would jest write you 
 another little postscript to my letter that I was going to 
 send you in a day or tu, and let you know that the legis 
 lators want split so bad as some folks tho't for. They've 
 got 'em both mended agin, so that they set 'em agoing 
 to day afore noon. But in the arternoon, that legislator 
 they call the Sinnet, got stuck, and in trying to make it 
 go, it rather seemed to crack a little ; so they stopt short 
 till to-morrow. Its been jostled about so, and got so 
 
60 LETTERS OF 
 
 weak an' rickety, some are afraid it will give out yet, or 
 split in tu agin. 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER VIII. 
 
 In which Mrs Downing urges her son to come home. 
 
 Downingville, Feb. 6, 1830. 
 
 MY DEAR SON, Its a good while since I writ a let 
 ter, and I almost forget how ; but you stay down there 
 to Portland so long, I kind of want to say something to 
 you. I have been churning this morning, and my hand 
 shakes so I cant hardly hold my pen still. And then I 
 am afraid the news I've got to tell, will be such a blow 
 to you, it makes me feel sort of narvous. Last Sunday 
 the schoolmaster and Jemima Parsons had their names 
 stuck up together in the meeting-house porch. Now I 
 hope you wont take on, my dear Jack ; for if I was you, 
 I should be glad to get rid of her so. I guess she's 
 rather slack, if the truth was known : for I went in there 
 one day, and she'd jest done washjng thejfloor ; and I 
 declare, it looked as grey as if she'd got the^ water out 
 of a mud puddle. And then she went to making pies 
 without washijig her hands, or shifting her apron.*"^They 
 made me stop to supper, but I never touched Jemime's 
 pies. There's Dolly Spaulding, I'm sure she's likelier 
 looking than Jemime Parsons, if 'twant for that habit 
 she's got of looking two ways at once. If she's making 
 a soup, one eye is always in the pot, if t'other does look 
 up chimney. She's as good a cook as ever was born, 
 and neat as wax-work. Sally Kean was to our house 
 spinning linen t'other day, because I burnt my hand 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 61 
 
 so bad trying out lard I couldn't hold the thread, and 
 she said Dolly had more sheets and pillow-cases than 
 you could count for one while, and she is always making 
 blankets and coverlids. She has sold footings enough 
 to buy her half a dozen silver spoons and a case of 
 knives. When I was young, such a gal would had a 
 husband long ago. The men didn't use to ask if a gal 
 looked one way, or two ways with her eyes, but whether 
 she was neat and smart ; only if she had thin lips and 
 peaked nose, they were sometimes a little shy of her. 
 
 Jack, I'm afraid these legislaters will be the ruina 
 tion of you ! 'Twill make you jest like your uncle 
 Joshua. You know he had rather stand and dispute 
 about politiks any time, than work on his farm, and 
 talking will never build a stone wall or pay our taxes. 
 
 1 dont care so much about the shushon as your poor 
 cousin Nabby does about the cotton cloth. But your 
 father has got the rumatise dreadfully this winter ; and 
 its rather hard for him to have to cut all th"e wood and 
 make the fires this cold winter. I cant see what good 
 twil do for you to stay in Portland any longer, and I 
 think you had better come home and see a little to the 
 work on the farm. 
 
 Your loving mother, 
 
 MARY DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER IX. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells about trigging the wheels of 
 government. 
 
 Portland, Thursday, Feb. 11, 1830. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN EPHRAIM. I 've wrote you three post 
 scripts since I wrote you a letter, and the reason is, these 
 6 
 
62 LETTERS OF 
 
 Legislaters have been carryin on so like all possest, and 
 I 've been in looking at 'em so much, I could n't get time 
 to write more than three lines at once, for fear I should be 
 out of the way, and should miss seeing some of the fun. 
 But thinkin you 'd be tired of waiting, I tried to get the 
 printer to send my letter yesterday ; but he told me right 
 up and down he could n't. I told him he must, for I 
 ought to sent before now. But he said he could n't, and 
 would n't, and that was the upshot of the matter, for the 
 paper was chock full, and more tu, of the Governor's 
 message. Bless my stars, says I, and have we got a 
 Governor done enough so he can speak a message 1 
 Yes, indeed we have, says he, thanks be to the two great 
 republikin parties, who have saved the State from the 
 anarkee of the Jacksonites and Huntonites ; the Governor 
 is done, and is jest a going into the Legislater, and if 
 you '11 go right up there, you can see him. So I pushed 
 in among the crowd, and I got a pretty good squeezin 
 tu ; but I got a good place, for I could elbow it as well 
 as any on 'em. And I had n't been there five minutes, 
 seemingly, before we had a (^overnpxjure enough ; and 
 a good stout, genteel looking sort of a man he was tu, as 
 you would see in a whole regiment, taking in captains 
 and all. Nobody disputed that he was finished pretty 
 workmanlike ; and he ought to be, for they 'd been long 
 enough about it. So they concluded to swear him in, as 
 they call it, and he took a great oath to behave like a 
 Governor a whole year. Some say the wheels of gov 
 ernment will go along smooth and easy now, as a wheel 
 barrow across a brick yard ; but some shake their heads, 
 and say the wheels will be jolting over rocks and stumps 
 all winter yet ; and I dont know but they will, for the 
 Governor had n't hardly turned his back upon 'em and 
 gone out, before they went right to disputing agin as 
 hard as ever. I was a good mind to run out and call the 
 Governor back to still 'em. But I could n't tell where 
 to look for him, so they got clear of a drubbing that time. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 63 
 
 I know he 'd a gin it to 'em if he 'd been there ; for what 
 do you think was the first thing they went to disputing 
 about? It was how many Governor's speechfs th^y 
 should print this winter ; jest as if the Governor could n't 
 tefithat himself. Some wanted three hundred, and some 
 five hundred, and some seven or eight hundred. Finally 
 they concluded to print five hundred ; and I should think 
 that was enough in all conscience, if they are all going 
 to be as long as that one they printed in the Courier 
 yesterday. In the next place, they took up that ever 
 lasting dispute about Mr Roberts' having a seat ; for if 
 you '11 believe me, they 've kept that poor man standing 
 there till this time. 
 
 I'll tell you how tis, Cousin Ephraim, we must con 
 trive some way or other to keep these Jacksonits and 
 Huntonites out of the Legislator another year, or we 
 shall be ruin'd ; for they make pesky bad work, triging 
 the wheels of government. They've triged 'em so much 
 that they say it has cost the State about fifteen thousand 
 dollars a'ready, more than 'twould, if they had gone 
 along straight without stopping. So you may tell uncle 
 Joshua that besides that bushel of corn he lost in betting 
 about the Speaker, he'll have to shell out as much as two 
 bushels more to pay the cost of triging the wheels. Jin- 
 goe ! sometimes when I've seen the wheels chocked with 
 a little trig not bigger than a cat's head, and the whole 
 legislater trying with all their might two or three days, 
 and couldn't start it a hair, how I've longed to hitch on 
 my little speckled four-year-olds, and give 'em a pull ; 
 if they wouldn't make the wheels fly over the trigs in a 
 jiffy, I wont guess agin. "Tether day in the great con 
 vention, when both Legislators met together to chuse 
 some Counsellors, Mr Boutelle and Mr Smith of Noble- 
 borough tried to explain how 'twas the wheels of gov 
 ernment were trig'd so much. Mr Boutelle, as I have 
 told you a-fore, is a national republican, and Mr Smith 
 is a democratic republican. They differed a little in 
 
64 LETTERS OF 
 
 their opinion. Mr Boutelle seemed to think the trig* 
 were all put under by one class of politicians^ and from 
 what he said, I took it he meant the Jacksonites. He 
 said ever since the Legislate!' began, the moment they 
 started the wheels, that class of politicians would throw 
 under a chock and stop 'em ; and which ever way they 
 turned, that class of politicians would meet 'em at every 
 corner and bring 'em up all standin. Mr Smith seemed 
 to think another class of politicians had the greatest hand 
 in it, and it was pretty clear that he meant the Huntonites. 
 He said when they first got here, that class of politicians 
 sot the wheels of government rolling the wrong way; 
 they put the big wheels forward, and the Legislater had 
 been going backwards ever since, jest like a lobster. 
 And the Huntonites not only trig'd the wheels, whenever 
 they begun to roll the right way ; but as soon as the 
 ' blessed Governor ' was done they trig'd him tu ; and 
 though he had been done four days, they wouldn't let 
 him come into the Legislater so that their eyes could be 
 blest with the sight of him. So from what I can find 
 out, the Jacksonites and Huntonites both, are a trouble 
 some contrary set, and there must be some way con 
 trived to keep 'em out of the Legislater in future. 
 
 It seems soon after you got my first letter, uncle 
 Joshua tackled up, and started off to Boston with a 
 load of turkeys and apple-sauce. I had a letter from 
 him t'other day, as long as all out doors, in the Boston 
 Advertiser. He says he got more for the turkeys than 
 he expected tu ; but I think it's a plaguy pity he did'nt 
 bring 'em to Portland. I know he'd got more than he 
 could in Boston. Provision kind is getting up here 
 wonderfully, on account of these Legislaters being like 
 ly to stay here all winter ; and some think they'll be 
 here half the summer tu. And then there's sich a cloud 
 of what they call lobby members and office hunters, that 
 the biUcJiejsJa4voOS^ulsLped, and gone to buying up 
 all the beef and pork they can get hold on far and near, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 65 
 
 for they are afraid a famine will be upon us next. 
 Howsomever, uncle Joshua did well to carry his puck- 
 ery apple-sauce' to Boston. He could 'nt get a cent 
 for't here ; for every body's puckery and sour enough 
 here now. 
 
 Give my love to father and mother and cousin Nabby. 
 I shall answer their letters as soon as I can. 
 Your lovin Cousin. 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER X. 
 
 In which Mr Downing advises his uncle Joshua to hold on 
 to his bushel of corn, because the Legislature had be- 
 gun to ' rip up their duins." 1 
 
 Portland, Friday, Feb. 12, 1830. 
 Postcript to uncle Joshua. 
 
 {)[/* THIS WITH CARE AND SPEED. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE, If you have'nt paid ovet that are 
 bushel of corn yet, that you lost when you bet Mr Rug- 
 Jrles would be Speaker, hold on to it for your life, till 
 you hearfrom me agin, for I aint so clear but you may 
 save it yet. They've gone to rippin up their duins here, 
 and there's no knowing but they may go clear back to 
 the beginning and have another tug about Speaker. At 
 any rate, if your bushel of corn is'nt gone out of your 
 crib yet, I advise you by all means to keep it there. 
 
 Tell 'squire N. the question is'nt settled yet ; and you 
 wont shell out a single kernel till it is fairly nailed and 
 clinched, so it can't be ript up agin. I'll tell y*ou what 
 tis, uncle Josh, the Supreme ^omrt beats the Jackson- 
 ites and Huntonites all hollow for trigging the wheels. 
 You know after they had such a tussle for about a week 
 6* 
 
66 LETTERS OF 
 
 to chose Elder Hall President of the Sinnet, and after 
 he come in at last all hollow, for they said he had a 
 majority of eight out of sixteen, they went on then two 
 or three weeks nicely, duin business tie and tie, hard 
 as they could. Then up steps the Judges of the Su 
 preme Court and tells Mr Hall he was governor, and 
 ought to go into the Council Chamber. They seemed 
 to be a little bit thunder struck at first. But they soon 
 come to agin, and Elder Hall got out of the chair and 
 Mr Ringsbury got into it, and they jogged along an 
 other week, duin business as hard as ever. They said 
 all the chairs round the table ought to be filled, so they 
 changed works with the House and made four more 
 Sinneters. So having four good fresh hands come in, 
 they took hold in good earnest and turned off more 
 business in two days, than they had done in a month be 
 fore. 
 
 Then up steps the Supreme Court agin and tells 'em 
 their cake is all dough ; for they hadn't been duin con 
 stitutional. This was yesterday ; and it made a dread 
 ful touse. They went right to work rippin up and tar- 
 rin away what they'd been duin ; and before nine o'clock 
 in the evening they turned out the four new Sinneters, 
 out of their chairs and appointed a committee to begin 
 to make four more. They took hold so hash about it, I 
 spose some the rest of the Sinneters begun to be afraid 
 they should be ript up tu ; so they clear'd out, I guess 
 near about half on 'em, and have n't been seen nor heard 
 of to day. Some of 'em that had more courage went 
 in and tried to du business ; but there wasn't enough of 
 'em to start an inch. They sent a man all round town 
 in the forenoon and afternoon to tell 'em to come in and 
 go to work, but he could n't find hide nor hair of one of 
 'em. Elder Hall said he guessed they must be somewhere 
 in a convention. 
 
 Some say they'll rip up the new Councillors next, and 
 then the Governor, cause the new Sinneters helpt make 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 67 
 
 'em all. But there's one comfort left for us, let the cat 
 jump which way 'twill ; if Mr Hunton is'nt a constitu 
 tional Governor, Elder Hall is ; the Judges have nailed 
 that fast. So I think Bill Johnson will get off with a 
 whole skin, for I shant dare to flog him this year. If 
 they go clear back tfr'tiie Speaker, and decide it in favor 
 of your bushel of corn, I shall let you know as soon as 
 possible. 
 
 Your lovin neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING, 
 
 LETTER XI. 
 
 In which Mr Downing describes some queer duins in the 
 Senate. 
 
 [Note by the Editor. The democratic republicans insisted that 
 the Convention which filled the vacancies in the Senate was not 
 constitutional, and refused to recognize the new members at the 
 Board, and the President refused to count their votes. After con 
 siderable turmoil the four new Senators withdrew ; in consequence 
 of which several others of the same party withdrew also, so that 
 there was not a quorum left to do business. After two or three 
 days, however, they returned, and the new senators re-asserted 
 their claims to a seat. Great confusion ensued ; the President 
 refused to count their votes ; and taking the votes of the other 
 members, he Jo"iA f |^^a Q r.ntp L j r ijr>n rn p f ] L The national repub 
 licans refused to*75on*siaer it an adjournment, kept their seats, and 
 began to talk of re-organizing the Senate by choosing a new Presir. 
 dent. Elder Hall, therefore, fearing the chair %^ula~fe immedi- 
 ately filled again if he left it, kept hisuseaj^ but still repeatedly 
 declared the Senate adjourned. The particulars of the scene are 
 more minutely described in the following letter.] 
 
 To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Downingville. 
 
 Portland, Wednesday, Feb. 17, 1830. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN EPHRAIM, Here I am yet, and have 
 n't much else to du, so I might as well keep writin to 
 you ; for I spose uncle Joshua 's in a peck of trouble 
 
bO LETTERS OF 
 
 about his bushel of corn. I'm pesky fraid he'll lose it 
 yet ; for they dont seem to rip up worth a cent since the 
 first night they begun. The truth was they took hold 
 rather tu hash that night ; and rippin up them are four 
 new Sinneters so quick, they scart away four or five more 
 old ones, so they did n't dare to come in again for ttf 
 And that threw 'em all into the suds, head and ears. It 
 was worse than trigging the wheels, for it broke the Sin- 
 net wheel right in tu, and left it so flat, that all Job's 
 oxen never could start it, if they hadn't got it mended 
 again. They tried, and tried, to 'keep duin something, 
 but they couldn't du the leastest thing. One time they 
 tried to du something with a little bit of a message that 
 was sent to 'em on a piece of paper from the House. 
 The President took it in his hand, and held it up, and 
 asked 'em what was best to du with it. Some of 'em 
 motioned that they'd lay it on the table ; but come to 
 consider on it, they found they couldn't according to 
 the constitution, without there was more of 'em to help. 
 They said they couldn't lay it on the table, nor du nothin 
 at all with it. I was afraid the poor old gentleman 
 would have to stand there and hold it till they got the 
 wheel mended agin. But I believe he finally let it drop 
 on the table ; and I spose there was nothin in the con 
 stitution against that. 
 
 They got the wheel mended Monday about eleven er 
 clock, so they could start along a little". "But them are 
 four ^*<p~frH*iaters that they jjpt up Thursday night, 
 come right back apin Monday, and sot down to the 
 great round table ; and stood tu it through thick and 
 thin, that they want ript up, and no sich thing. Well, 
 this kicked up a kind of a bobbery among 'em, so they 
 thought they'd try to journ. The President counted 
 'em, and said they were journed and might go out. One 
 of the new Sinneters said the President didn't count 
 right, and they want journed a bit ; and they must set 
 still and have an overhauling about it. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. by 
 
 So they set down agin, all but four or five that put on 
 their hats and great coats and stood backside of the 
 room. The room was chock full of folks looking on, 
 and the President told 'em the Sinnet was journed and 
 they might as well go out, but they did seem to keer tu, 
 and they put their hats on and began to laugh like fun. 
 The President sot still in^Jua^cfeeeis. for I spose he 
 thought if he left it, some of them are roguish fellers 
 would be gettin into it. The man that keeps order, told 
 the folks they must take their hats off when they were 
 in the Sinnet ; but they said they wouldn't, cause the 
 Sinnet was ajourned. Then the man went and asked 
 the President if the Sinnet was all ajourned, and the 
 President said 'twas, and there was no doubt about it. 
 And the folks felt so tickled to think they could wear 
 their hats when the Sinneters were setting round the 
 great table, that they kind of whistled a little bit all 
 over the room. 
 
 Finally, after settin about half an hour, another man 
 got up and motioned to ajourn, and the President got 
 up and put it to vote agin. He told 'em if they wanted 
 to ajourn, they must say ah, and they all said ah this 
 time, and cleared out in five minutes. 
 
 But about this rippin up business ; instead of rippin 
 up the councillors, as some thought they would, both 
 legislaters met together to-day, and called in four of 
 the councillors, and nailed 'em down harder with an 
 oath. 
 
 They've sot the committees to work like fun now, 
 and its thought they'll turn off business hand over hand ; 
 for you know its almost March, and then the great 
 Supreme Court meets bere.^ And they say they have a 
 grand jury that picks up all disorderly and mischievous 
 folks, and carries 'em in to court, and the court puts 
 'em in jail. These legislaters have been cuttin up such 
 rigs here all winter, that they begin to look pretty shy 
 when any thing is said about the first of March, and I 
 
70 LETTERS OF 
 
 dont believe the grand jury '11 be able to find a single 
 mother's son of 'em when the court gets here. 
 From your cousin, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XII. 
 
 In which Mr Downing hits upon a new idea for making 
 money out of the office-seekers that were swarming round 
 the new Governor. 
 
 Postscript to Epkraim. 
 
 Portland, Feb. 23, 1830. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN. As soon as you get this, I want you 
 to load up the old lumber-box with them are long slick 
 bean-poles, that I got out last summer. I guess I shant 
 make much by my ax handles, for I can't sell 'em yet ; 
 I han't sold but tu since I've been here ; and the sea's 
 been froze over so that uncle Ned hant got in from 
 Quoddy yet, and I hant had any chance to send my ax 
 handles to Boston. But if I loose on the ax handles, I 
 shall make it up on the bean poles if you only get 'em 
 here in season. Do mtfke 1 haste*>e-fast as you can, and 
 you shall share half the profits. 
 
 It ant to stick beans with nuther ; and I guess you'll 
 kind o' lafF, when I tell you what tis for. You know when 
 we went to the court there was a man sot up in a box, 
 that they called a Sheriff, and held a long white pole in 
 his hand. Well I heard somebody say tother dayThat 
 there was more than a hundred folks here that wanted 
 to get a Sheriff's pole ; and"l happened to tnmk that 
 theni are*^ean poles would make cute ones. But you 
 must get 'em here afore the Governor makes his appint- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 71 
 
 ments, or it '11 be gone goose with us, about it, for we 
 couldn't sell more than half a dozen arter that. 
 From your Cousin, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XIII. 
 
 Cousin Ejphraim in trouble. 
 
 Feb. 25, 1830. 
 
 DEAR JACK. Here I am, about half way to Portlan^. 
 with one shu of the old lumber box broke down, and 
 tother one putty rickety. Its about half the way bare 
 ground, and the old hoss begins to be ruther wheezy. But 
 you know I don't give up for trifles, when there's a chance 
 to make' a spec. Soon as I got your letter bout the bean 
 poles, I made business fly. Mother put me up a box of 
 beef and dough-nuts, and I fed old grey, and tackled up, 
 and all loaded arid ready to start in tu hours ; and if I 
 live I shall get the bean poles there at some rate or other 
 fore long ; but I'm fraid I may be late. If you know 
 the Governor, I wish you'd just ask him to keep his ap 
 pointments back a little while ; he shant loose nothin b^ 
 itpif thlTpoles sell well. I shall have to go the rest of 
 the way on wheels, and I want you to see if you cant hire 
 one of the government wheels and come and meet me, 
 for the plagy fellers here wont trust me with their wheels 
 till I get back. Besides if I could get one of the wheels 
 of government. I'm thinking I could get along a good 
 deal faster ; for I met a man jest now from Portland 
 that said they've got them are wheels going now likg^a-^ 
 buz. He said there was no wlieels in the country that 
 could go half so fast ;*and he thinks they work a good 
 deal better for being split up and mended so much. 
 
LETTERS OP 
 
 Grandfather said they would want as many cockades as 
 Sheriff polls ; and so he put in his old continental one, 
 that he had in the revolution. 
 
 P. S. I hope you'll get the government wheels to 
 come arter the poles, for I want some that are putty 
 easy trig'd, cause the hills are ruther slippery. 
 Your Cusin, 
 
 EPHRAIM DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XIV. 
 
 v 
 
 In which Mr Downing describes a severe tug at the wheels 
 of government. 
 
 [Note by the Editor. The opinion of the Judges of the Supreme 
 Court having been asked, they decided that the vac^jieJ^sSCSihe 
 Sej^e were not constitutionally filled, and that the subsequent 
 doings ol LllG" tegislature we're consequently void.] 
 
 Portland, March 3, 1830. 
 
 To Cousin Ephraim Downing, stuck by the way. 
 
 You sent word to me in your letter t'other day, that 
 you had got to bare ground, and broke down one shu of 
 the lumber box, and wanted me to get the wheels of 
 Government and come up after the poles. I tried to get 
 'em, but they would 'nt let 'em go ; and they said 'twould 
 'nt be any use if I did ; for I could 'nt get more than 
 ten rods before the_w^pp|p w""^ be tri^'d. They were 
 expecting of 'em to be trig'd every day, they said ; for 
 the Judges had sent a monstrous great trig to the Gov 
 ernor, and told him if they v/ent to start the wheels for 
 ward any, he must clap.it under; for they must 'nt go 
 forward a bit more, and must roll Jhg. wheels back a 
 good ways, till they found ti*e~ft$b3 road. Well, sure 
 enough, Tuesday, w%e"h they was goin along a little 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 73 
 
 easy, some on 'em threw the trig right under, and it 
 brought 'em up with a dreadful jolt. 
 
 And then, my stars, if the Sinneters didn't go at it tie 
 and tie, like smoke. The national republicans pulled 
 one way, and the democratic republicans 'tother, with 
 all their might, jest as you and I used to set down and 
 brace our feet against each other, and take hold of a 
 stick to see which could pull tother up. They pulled 
 and grinned all day, but nary side couldn't pull up toth 
 er. The national republicans said they wouldn't stop 
 for that little trig, nor no notion of it ; and they pulled 
 the wheels forward as hard as they could. The demo 
 cratic republicans braced their feet tother way, and said 
 the wheels shouldn't move another inch forward ; they 
 had got on to a wrong road, and the Judges had put that 
 trig there to keep 'em all from goin to destruction ; and 
 they tried all day as hard as they could to roll the wheels 
 back to find the right road. They pulled like my little 
 tu year olds all day, but I couldn't see as they started 
 the wheels backwards or forwards a single hair. This 
 morning they hitched on and took another jest sich a 
 pull. The national republicans said they knew the road 
 as well as the Judges did, and they were goin right and 
 wouldn't touch to go back ; the road was a good plain 
 smooth road, and there wasn't a mite of danger in goin 
 on. The democratic republicans said they could hear 
 some pretty heavy thundering along that road, and they'd 
 not go another step that way ; but they stood tu it they 
 want afraid of the thunder. The national republicans 
 said they'd heard thunder before now, and seen dread 
 ful black clouds all over the sky, and they'd seen a fair 
 afternoon and a bright rainbow after all that. So they 
 pulled and disputed, and disputed and pulled, till most 
 noon, and then they concluded to stop and breath upon 
 it till to-morrow, when I spose they will spit on their 
 hands to make 'em stick and begin as hard as ever. 
 
 I hope you'll make haste and get the poles along ; if 
 7 
 
74 LETTERS OF 
 
 you cant get any wheels up there, you better tie up a 
 couple of bundles of 'em and swing 'em acrost the old 
 horse, saddle-bags fashion. You'll get well paid for it, 
 if you get 'em here in season. Your cousin, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XV. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells what it means to set up a 
 candidate for office. 
 
 Portland, Tuesday, March 16, 1830. 
 To Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA I guess by this time, its so 
 long since I writ home, you almost begin to think Jack 
 is sick or dead, or gone down to Quoddy long with uncle 
 Nat, or somewhere else. But you needn't think any 
 sich thing, for here I am sticking to Portland like wax, 
 and I guess I shant pull up stakes agin this one while. 
 The more I stay to Portland the better I like it. Its a 
 nation fine place ; there's things enough here for any 
 body to see all their life time. I guess I shall tell you 
 something about 'em before summer's out. These Legis 
 lators haven't done nothin scarcely worth telling about 
 this most a fortnight. I've been in most every day jest 
 to take a squint at 'em. There was n't hardly a bit of 
 a quarrel to be heard of from one day's end to an 
 other. They were all as good natured and loving as a 
 family of brothers, that had been living out all summer, 
 and had jest got home together at thanksgiving time. 
 They kept to work as busy as bees upon pieces of paper 
 that they called Bills. Sometimes they voted to read 
 'em once, sometimes twice, and sometimes three times. 
 At last the sun begun to shine so warm, that it made 'em 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 75 
 
 think of planting time, and at it they went, passing Bills 
 by the gross, [probably a mistake for to be engrossed, 
 editor,] till they settled 'em away like a heap of corn at 
 a husking, before a barnful of boys and gals. And 
 tfTey've got so near the bottom of the heap, they say 
 they shall brush out the floors in a day or two more, and 
 start off home. I spose they wont mind it much if they 
 do brush out some of the ears without husking ; they've 
 had their frolic and their husking supper, and I guess 
 that's the most they come for. It seems to me, uncle 
 Joshua, it costs our farmers a great deal more to husk 
 out their law-corn every winter than it need tu. They 
 let tu many noisy talking fellers come to the husking. 
 I've always minded, when I went to a husking, that these 
 noisy kind of chaps seem to care a good deal more 
 about what they can get to eat and drink, than they du 
 about the corn ; and them are that don't make much 
 fuss, are apt to husk the most and make the cleanest 
 work. 
 
 O dear, uncle, there's it hot time ahead. I almost 
 dread to think of it. I'm afraid there is going to be a 
 worse scrabble next summer to see who shall go to the 
 great State husking than there was last. The Hunton- 
 ites and Smithites are determined to have each of 'em a 
 governor agin next year. They've sot up their candi 
 dates on both sides ; and who in all the world should 
 you guess they are ? The Huntonites have sot up Mr 
 Hunton, and the Smithites have sot up Mr Smith. You 
 understand what it means, I spose, to set up a candi 
 date. It means the same that it does at a shooting 
 match to &et_up a goosp. or nJjirkp.v to be fire^l ,at. The 
 rule of the game is that the Smithites are to fire at Mr 
 Hunton, and the Huntonites are to fire at Mr Smith. 
 They think it will take a pretty hard battle to get them 
 both in. But both parties say they've got the constitu 
 tion on their side, so I think likely they'll both beat. 
 
 They've been piling up a monstrous heap of ammuni-> 
 
76 LETTERS OF 
 
 tion this winter, enough to keep 'em firing all summer ; 
 and I guess it wont be long before you'll see the smoke 
 rising all over the State, wherever there's a newspaper. 
 I think these newspapers are dreadful smoky things ; 
 they are enough to blind any body's eyes any time. I 
 mean all except the Daily Courier and Family Reader, 
 that I send my letters in ; I never see much smoke in 
 them. But take the rest of the papers, that talk about 
 politics, and patriotism, and republicanism, and federal 
 ism, and Jacksonism, and Hartford Conventionism, and 
 let any body read in one of 'em half an hour, and his 
 eyes will be so full of smoke he can't see better than an 
 owl in the sunshine ; he would n't be able to tell the 
 difference between a corn-stalk and the biggest oak tree 
 in our pasture. 
 
 You know, uncle, these Legislators have had some 
 dreadful quarrels this winter about a book they call the 
 constitution : and had to get the Judges of the great 
 Court to read it to 'em. They made such a fuss about it 
 I thought it must be a mighty great book, as big agin 
 as grandfather's great bible. But one day I see one of 
 the Sinneters have one, and my stars, it was n't so big 
 as my old spelling book. Thinks I to myself, if ax 
 handles wiU by one, I'll have one and see if I cant read 
 it myself. So I went into a store where they had a na 
 tion sight of books, and asked 'em for a constitution. 
 They showed me some nice little ones, that they asked 
 a quarter of a dollar apiece for. I was out of money, 
 so I told the man I'd give him four good white oak ax 
 handles, well finished, for one : and he said, being 'twas 
 me, I might have it. So now I've got a constitution of 
 my own, and if I find I can read it, I shall let you know 
 something about what's in it before a great while. 
 Your neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 77 
 
 LETTER XVI. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells how the Legislature cleared 
 out, and how Elder Hall went home. 
 
 To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Downingville. 
 
 Portland, Monday, March 22, 1830. 
 
 COUSIN EPHRAIM, I kind of want to say a few more 
 words to you about the Legislaters. You know they 
 came together here in the first of the winter in a kind of 
 a stew, and they had storms and tempests among 'em all 
 the time they staid here, and finally they went off Fri 
 day in a sort of whirlwind or hurricane, I dont know 
 which. Some folks say they hope it will blow 'em so 
 far they wont get back again. But I guess there aint 
 much danger of that ; for you know squire Nokes al 
 ways used to say the bad penny will return. They were 
 dreadful kind of snappish the last day they were here ; 
 they could n^t hardly touch a single thing without quar 
 relling about it. They quarrelled about paying some 
 of the folks they hired to work for 'em ; and they quar 
 relled ever so long about payjng thejn__aifi-fbur Sinneters 
 that were chosen in the convention ; and at last they got 
 to quarrelling like cats and dogs to see if they should, 
 thank the Frp.sjfont ajid Spppfc p.r for all the work they've 
 done this winter. But they had to thank 'em at last. 
 And then Mr Goodnow, the Speaker in that Legislator 
 they call the House, got up and talked to 'em so pleasant, 
 and kind, and scripture-like, it made 'em feel a little 
 bad ; some of 'em couldn't hardly help shedding tears. 
 I tho't them are, that had been quarrelling so, must feel 
 a little sheepish. 
 
 That are Elder Hall, that was President of the Sin- 
 net, seemed to be the most poplar man in the whole 
 bunch of both Legislaters. There wasn't one of the rest 
 7* 
 
78 LETTERS OF 
 
 of 'em that could work it so as to make both parties like 
 'em. But some how or other, he did. The national re 
 publicans liked him so well, that they all voted for him 
 for President ; and the democratic republicans liked 
 him so well, that they all voted to thank him when they 
 went away. And I dont so much wonder at it, for he 
 seemed to me to be about the cleverest, good natured old 
 gentleman that ever I see. 
 
 Its true the old gentleman had rather hard work to 
 keep the wheels of government going in the Sinnet this 
 winter ; and they would get trig'd every little while in 
 spite of all he could do. I spose this made him rather 
 shy nfjjj] Itinrla nf wheels for he wouldn't go home in a 
 stage,nor ajwaggon, nor a shay. These kind of carts 
 all have~wheeis, and 1 spose he thought they might get 
 trig'd and he wouldn't hardly get home all summer. So 
 he concluded to go by water ; and he went aboard a 
 vessel Saturday night, and sailed for down east ; and as 
 true as you are alive, before the next day noon the 
 wheels of the vessel got trig'd ; tho' they said the vessel 
 didn't go on wheels, but some how or other it got trig'd, 
 and back they came next day into Portland again, and 
 there they had to stay till Monday, because the wind 
 didnM^Jalow accnrrli"^ to the constitution. But Presi- 
 den\Hall you know isn't the man to leave his post in 
 time of difficulty ; so he never adjourned, nor came 
 ashore, but stuck to the rack till Monday, when a good 
 constitutional breeze sprung up, and they sot sail again. 
 And I wish him a pleasant passage home, and peace and 
 happiness after he gets there ; for as I said afore, I dont 
 think there's a cleverer man any where down east. 
 
 I was going to tell you something about a town meet 
 ing that I've been tu to day ; but as uncle Joshua is 
 sleckman and survayor I spose he would like to hear 
 about it more than you, so I guess I shall write to him. 
 From your cousin, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 79 
 
 LETTER XVII. 
 
 In which Mr Downing hints to Uncle Joshua that he has a 
 prospect of being nominated for Governor. 
 
 To Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville. 
 
 Portland, April 14, 1830. 
 
 UNCLE JOSHUA, I spose you remember that are 
 story about the two dogs, that uncle Joe Downing 
 used to tell ; how they got to fighting, and snapped and 
 bit, till they eat each other up, all but jest the tip ends of 
 their tails. Now I never could exactly see through that 
 story, enough to know how it was done, till lately. I 
 almost thought it was was a kind of tough yarn, that 
 had been stretched a good deal. But fact, uncle, I be 
 gin to think it 's true, every word on't ; for there 's 
 something going on here as much like it as two peas in 
 a pod. The Portland Argus and the Portland Adver 
 tiser, have fell afowl of each other and gone to biting 
 ope another's noses off. And if they keep on as they 
 Ve began, I guess before summer is out they '11 not only 
 eat each other all up, tails and all, but I believe they are 
 going to devour them are tu outrageous wicked parties, 
 that plagued the legislature so all winter ; I mean the 
 Jacksonites and the Huntonites. They 've only been 
 at it a week or two, and they Ve made quite a hole into 
 'em aready. The Advertiser eats the Jacksonites, and 
 the Argus eats the Huntonites, and they are jhinning of 
 'em off pr fifty fast- This will be a great comfort to the 
 State, as it will give the two republican parties a chance 
 to do something another winter. The Advertiser has 
 eat up the Jacksonites in some places away down east, 
 such as Eastport and so on, and away up tother way in 
 Limerick, and Waterborough, and Fryeburg. 
 
 And the Argus has eaten up the Huntonites in New- 
 field, and Sanford, and Berwick, and Vinalhaven, and 
 
80 LETTERS OF 
 
 so on. All these -towns on both sides now have good fair 
 republican majorities. I spose about by the middle of next 
 August they '11 get 'em all killed off so there wont be 
 the skin of a Jacksonite or Huntonite left to be sent 
 to the next legislature. 
 
 I hope, uncle Joshua, you will be more careful about 
 meddling with politics ; for so sure as you get hitched 
 on to the Jackson party or the Hunton party, these bark 
 ing, deep mouthed creatures will fix their teeth upon 
 you, and you '11 be munched down before you know it. 
 
 There 's one thing, uncle, that seems to wear pretty 
 hard upon my mind, and plagues me a good deal ; I 
 have n't slept but little this tu three nights about it. I 
 wish you would n't say any thing about it up there 
 amongst our folks, for if it should all prove a fudge, 
 they 'd be laughing at me. But I tell it to you, because 
 I want your advice, as you 've always read the papers, 
 and know considerable about political matters ; tho' to 
 be honest I dont spose any one knows much more about 
 politics by reading the papers, after all. 
 
 But what I was going to tell jou, is now, uncle, 
 dont twist your tobacco chaw over to tother corner of 
 your mouth and leer over your spectacles, and say Jack 
 's a fool what I was going to tell you, is this : I see 
 by a paper printed down to Brunswick, that they talk of 
 nominating me for Governor to run down Smith and 
 TTunton^JThink of that, uncle ; your poor neefu Jack, 
 that last summer was hoeing about among the potatoes, 
 and chopping wood, and making stone walls, like enough 
 before another summer comes about,, will be Governor 
 of the State. I shall have a better chance to flog Bill 
 Johnson then, than I should last winter, if we had n't 
 had no Governor nor no laws ; for I spose a Governor 
 has a right to flog any body he 's a mind to. 
 
 But that 's nither here nor there, uncle ; I want your 
 serious advice. If they nominate me, had I better Accept ? 
 Sometimes I 'm half afraid I should n't understand 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 81 
 
 very well how to du the business ; for I never had a 
 chance to see any governor business done, only what I 
 see Elder Hall du in the Sinnet chamber last winter. 
 Poor man, that makes me think what a time he had 
 going home. I wrote to you before that he went by water, 
 and that the vessel got trig'd by an unconstitutional 
 wind the first day and had to come back again. And he 
 must have found a good many hard trigs after that, for 
 he did n't get home til 2d day of April. 
 
 Where he was, in that dreadful storm the 26th of 
 March I have n't heard. But I should think after stand 
 ing the racket he did last winter in the legislate!*, and 
 then this ere storm at sea, he never need to fear any 
 thing on land or water again in this world. 
 
 1 wish you 'd write me what you think about my being 
 a candidate for Governor, and whether you think I 
 could get along with the business. Considerable part of 
 the business I should n't be a mite afraid but what I 
 could du ; that is, the turning out and putting in. I 
 know every crook and turn of that business ; for I 
 dont believe there 's a boy in our county, though I say it 
 myself, that 's turned out and tied up more cattle than 2 
 have. And they say a Governor has a good deal of this 
 sort of work to du. 
 
 No more at present from your loving neefu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
82 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER XVIII. 
 
 In which Uncle Joshua discovers remarkable skill in the 
 science of politics, and advises Mr Downing by all means 
 to stand as a candidate for governor. 
 
 Downingville, April 18, 1830. 
 To my neffu, Jack Downing, at Portland. 
 
 DEAR JACK I never felt nicer in my life than I did 
 when I got, your last letter. I did think it was a kind of 
 foolish notion in you to stay down there to Portland all 
 winter, and then hire out there this summer. I thought 
 you better be at home to work on the farm ; for your 
 father, poor old gentleman, is hauled up with the ruma- 
 tize so, he wont be able to du hardly a week's work this 
 summer. But I begin to believe Jack knows which side 
 his bread is buttered yet. For if you can only run 
 pretty well as a candidate for Governor, even if you 
 shouldn't be elected, it will be worth more to you than 
 the best farm in this County. It will be the means of 
 getting you into some good office before long, and then 
 you can step up, ye see, from one office to another till 
 you get to be Governor. But if the thing is managed 
 right, I am in hopes you'll get in this time, and the 
 Downings will begin to look up, and be somebody. Its 
 a very good start, your being nominated in that are pa 
 per down to Brunswick. But there's a good deal to be 
 done yet, to carry it. I'm older than you are, and have 
 seen more of this kind of business done than you, and of 
 course ought to know more about it. Besides, you know 
 I've always been reading the papers. Well, in the first 
 place, you must fix upon the name of your party ; I'm 
 thinking you better call it the democratic n^^n^l p"Wi- 
 can party, and then, ye see, you'll haul in some from 
 both of the two clever parties in the State. As for the 
 Jacksonites and Huntonites, I wouldn't try to get any 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 83 
 
 support from them ; for after such rigs as they cut up in 
 the Legislator last winter, the people back here in the 
 country dont like 'em very well. I think it would hurt 
 you to have any thing to do with 'em. Then you must 
 get a few of your friends together in Portland-, no matter 
 if there aint no more than half a dozen, and pass some 
 patriotic resolutions, and then publish the duins of the 
 meeting" in the paper, headed THE VOICE OF THE PEOPLE : 
 and then go on to say, at a numerous arid respectable 
 meeting of democratic national republicans held in Port 
 land at such a time, &c. 
 
 Resolved unanimously, that we have perfect confidence 
 in the exalted talents, the unspotted integrity, and well 
 known patriotism of Mr Jack Downing, [or perhaps it 
 should be the Hon. Jack Downing] and that we cheer 
 fully recommend him to the people of this State as a 
 candidate for the office of Governor. 
 
 Resolved, that his well known attachment to the in 
 terests, the principles, and usages of the democratic na 
 tional republican party, eminently entitles him to their 
 confidence and support. 
 
 Resolved, as the sense of this meeting, that nothing 
 short of the election of that firm patriot, the Hon. Jack 
 Downing, can presexyjB_-thje--S4ate from total, absolute, 
 and irretrievable destruction. 
 
 Resolved, that a CouriTy-Gonvention be called to ratify 
 the doings of this meeting, and that the democratic na 
 tional republicans in other counties be requested to call 
 conventions for the same purpose. 
 
 Resolved, that the proceedings of this meeting be pub 
 lished in all the democratic national republican news 
 papers in the State. 
 
 We will then get up such a meeting in this town^and 
 pass some more highly patriotic resolutions and send 
 'em down, and you must have 'em put into the paper 
 headed A VOICE FROM THE COUNTRY. And then we must 
 get a few together somewhere ,~~and call it a county con- 
 
84 LETTERS OF 
 
 vention, and keep rolling the snow ball over, till we wind 
 up the whole State in it. Then, ye see, about the first 
 of August we must begin to pin it down pretty snug in 
 the papers. Rind of touch it up some how like this : 
 extract of a letter from a gentleman of the first re 
 spectability in York County to the central committee in 
 Portland. * The democratic national republicans here 
 are wide awake ; York County is going for Mr Downing, 
 all hollow : we shall give him in this county at least a 
 thousand majority over both Smith and Hunton.' Ano 
 ther from Penobscot : ' three quarters of the votes in 
 this county will be given to Mr Downing: the friends of 
 Smith and Hunton have given up the question, so satisfi 
 ed are they that there is no chance for them.' 
 
 Another from Kennebec : ' from information received 
 from all parts of the State, upon which perfect reliance 
 may be placed, we are enabled to state for the informa 
 tion of our democratic national republican friends, that 
 there is not the least shadow of doubt of the election of 
 Mr Downing. It is now rendered certain beyond the 
 possibility of mistake, that he will receive, from five to ten 
 thousand majority over both the other candidates.' 
 
 If this don't carry it, you'll have to hang up your fiddle 
 till another year. And after the election is over, if you 
 shouldn't happen to get hardly any votes at all, you 
 must turn about with perfect indifference, and say the 
 democratic national republicans didn't try made no 
 effort at all but will undoubtedly carry the election 
 next year all hollow. 
 
 P. S. If you get in, I shall expect my son Ephraim 
 to have the office of Sheriff in this County, for he's got 
 some of the bean poles left yet, that he sot out to carry 
 to market last winter. The other offices we'll distribute 
 at our leisure. 
 
 Your affectionate old uncle, 
 
 JOSHUA DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 85 
 
 LETTER XIX. 
 
 In which Mr Downing gives his opinion about newspapers. 
 
 Portland, March 30, 1830. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA In my last letter to Ephraim, 
 I said I should write to you pretty soon something 
 about the Portland Town Meeting. As you've been 
 sleckman and survare a good many years, I spose you'd 
 like to hear about sich kind of things. And I spose I 
 might tell you about a good many other thiags tu, that 
 you don't have much chance to know about away up 
 there ; and aunt Sally says I ought tu ; for she says I 
 have a great many advantages living here in Portland, 
 that folks can't have up in the country, and if I should 
 write to some of you once or twice a week, she thinks it 
 would be time well spent. So I shall spend part of my eve 
 nings, after I get my day's work done, in writing letters. 
 I don't know but I forgot to tell you that I had hired 
 out here this summer. I get eight dollars a month 
 and board, and have the evenings to myself. I go to 
 school three evenings in a week, and aunt Sally says she 
 can begin to see that I spell better already. The printer 
 of the Courier and the Family Reader, that sends my 
 letters for me, is very kind ; he does'nt ask any thing for 
 sending my letters, and he gives me as many newspapers 
 as I can get time to read. So I spend one evening in a 
 week reading newspapers, and set up pretty late that 
 evening tu. And besides I get a chance to read awhile 
 most every morning before the rest of the folks are up ; 
 for these Portland folks are none of your starters in the 
 morning. I've known my father many a time, before the 
 rhumatiz took the poor old gentleman, to mow down an 
 acre of stout grass in the morning, and get done by that 
 time one half the Portland folks leave off snoring. Some 
 times I think I better be up in the country tu, mowing 
 8 
 
85 LETTERS OF 
 
 or hoeing potatoes a or something else, instead of reading 
 newspapers. Its true they are bewitching kind of things, 
 and I like well enough'to read 'em, but jest between you 
 and me, they are the worst things to bother a feller's 
 head about, that you ever see. In one of my letters, you 
 know, I said newspapers were dreadful sm^acthings, and 
 any body couldn't read in 'em half an hour without 
 having their eyes so full of smoke they couldn't tell a 
 pig-sty from a meeting house. 
 
 But I'm thinking after all they are rnqre lifee rurn^than 
 smoke. You know rum will sometimes set quite peace 
 able folks together by the ears, and make them quarrel 
 like mad dogs so do the newspapers. Rum makes 
 folks act very -M% so do the newspapers. Rum 
 makes folks seq double. so do the newspapers. Some 
 times rum gets folks so they can't see at all so do the 
 newspapers. Rum, if they take tu mucn of it, makes 
 folks sick to the stomach so do the newspapers. Rum 
 makes folks go rafiRer crooked, reeling from one side of 
 the road to tVrthe'f - andlhe newspapers make one half 
 the politicians, cross tiieir path as often as any drunkard 
 you ever see. It was the newspapers, uncle Joshua, that 
 made you bet about the Speaker last summer, and lose 
 your bushel of corn. Remember that, uncle, and jlont 
 bej^eveany thing you see in the papers this summer, un 
 less yoiTsfee it in the Daily Courier or Family Reader ; 
 and dont you believe them neither if ever you see them 
 smoke like the rest of the papers. 
 
 As I was a saying about my evenings, I spend one 
 evening a week reading that little book called the consti 
 tution, that kept our legislators quarrelling all winter. 
 You know I bought one for four ax-handles ; I find I 
 can read it considerable easy, most all of it without spell 
 ing, and when I get through I shall tell you something 
 about it. 
 
 A queer thought, uncle, has just popt into my head : 
 I guess I should make a capital member of Congress 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 87 
 
 for this letter is just like one of the Congress speeches. 
 It begun about the town meeting, but noTTTuit ol a Wordr 
 is there in it from beginning to tind nbnntjjie townjrnect- 
 ing, after you get over the text. But I find by reading 
 the papers that when a Congress man speaks all day 
 without touching his subject, he makes a motion to ad 
 journ, and goes at it again the next day. ' So I believe I 
 must say good night to you now, and try it again the 
 next leisure evening. 
 
 Your loving neflfu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XX. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells how to distinguish one republi 
 can party from another. 
 
 - ' ' ,; : .; 
 
 Portland, June 9, 1830. 
 
 UNCLE JOSHUA, Did you ever see tu dogs get to 
 quarrelling about one bone? How they will snap and 
 snarl about it, especially if they are hungry. Some 
 times one will get it into his mouth and hook it away 
 like smoke, and t'other arter him full chisel. And when 
 he overtakes him they'll have another scratch, and drop 
 the bone, and then t'other one'll get it, and off he goes 
 like a shot. And sometimes they both get hold together, 
 one at one end and one at t'other, and then sich a tug 
 ging and growlin you never see. Well now, when they 
 act so, they act jest like the Portland Argus and Port 
 land Advertiser ; two great big growlers, they are all the 
 time quarrelling about their Republikin, to see which 
 shall have it. If the Advertiser says any thing about his 
 republikin, the Argus snaps at it, and says 'tisn't your 
 
LETTERS OF 
 
 republikin, its mine. You HO business to be a republi 
 kin, you are a Federalist. 
 
 And when the Argus says any thing about his republi 
 kin, the Advertiser flies up, and says, you no business to 
 be a republikin, you're a Jacksonite. And so they have 
 it up hill and down, bark, bark, and tug, tug, and which 
 '11 get the republikin at last I cant tell. Sometimes they 
 get so mad, seems as though they'll tear each other all 
 to pieces, and there's forty thousand folks setting of 'em 
 on and hollering stooboy. Now there wasn't any need 
 of all this quarrel, for each of 'em had a republikin last 
 winter ; the Argus had a^democratic one, and the Adver 
 tiser had a national one, and they got 'em mixed by 
 leaving off the christen names. And I guess it would 
 puzzle a Philaclelphy lawyer to tell 'em apart without 
 their names, for their republikins are as much alike as 
 tu peas in a pod. 
 
 The Advertiser never should say republikin alone, but 
 national republikin, and the Argus never should say 
 republikin alone, but democratic republican. And then 
 it seems as though each one might know his own bone, 
 and knaw it without quarrelling. 
 
 I thought, uncle, I'd jest tell you a little about this ere 
 business, because I know you always want to find out 
 all the kinks about politiks. 
 
 Your neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 P. S. I dont hear any thing yet about the convention 
 up there that you promised to make to nominate me for 
 Governor. I think its time it was out ; for I am afraid 
 Mr Hunton and Mr Smith will get the start of me, if I 
 aint under way soon. J. D. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 89 
 
 Grand Caucus at Downingville. 
 
 From the Portland Courier of July 21, 1830. 
 ICr THE LONG AGONY OVER, JTQ 
 And the Nomination out. 
 
 We delay this paper something beyond the usual hour 
 of publication in order to lay before our readers the im 
 portant intelligence received yesterday from Downing 
 ville. This we have been able to accomplish, tho' not 
 without extraordinary exertions and extra help. But the 
 crisis is important, we had almost said appalling, and 
 demands of every patriotic citizen of Maine the highest 
 sacrifices in his power to make. The important proceed 
 ings of the grand convention at Downingville reached 
 here, by express, yesterday about a quarter before 3 o j 
 clock P. M. having travelled the whole distance, notwith 
 standing the extreme high temperature of the weather, at 
 the rate of thirteen and a half miles an hour. And but for 
 an unfortunate occurrence, it would undoubtedly have 
 reached here at least three hours earlier. Capt. Jehu 
 D owning j who with his characteristic magnanimity and" 
 patriotism volunteered to bring the express the whole 
 way, having taken a very high spirited steed for the first 
 ten miles, was unfortunately thrown to the ground in at 
 tempting to leap a barrier which lay across the road. 
 Two of his ribs were broken by the fall, and his right 
 arm so ba3ly fracTured-that it is feared amputation must 
 be resorted to, besides several other severe contusions on 
 various parts of the body. We are happy to hear how 
 ever that Doctor Zachariah Downing, who on hearing 
 the melancholy intelligence very promptly repaired to 
 the spot to offer his professional services, pronounces the 
 Captain out of danger, and also that the Captain bears 
 his misfortune with his accustomed fortitude, expressly 
 8* 
 
90 LETTERS OF ^ 
 
 declaring that the only regret he feels on the occasion is 
 the delay of the express. Here is patriotism, a devoted- 
 ness to the welfare of the country, and to genuine demo 
 cratic national republican principles, worthy of the days 
 of the revolution. 
 
 Lieut. Timothy Downing forwarded the express the 
 remainder of the way with the utmost despatch, having 
 run down three horses, one of which died on the road. 
 But we keep our readers too long from the gratifying 
 intelligence received. 
 
 Grand Democratic National Republican Convention. 
 
 Downingville, Monday, July 19, 1830. 
 
 At a large and respectable meeting of the democratic 
 national republicans of Downingville and the neighbor 
 ing parts of the state, convened this day at the centre 
 school house, the meeting was called to order by the 
 venerable and silver-haired patriarch, old MrZebedee 
 Downing* who had not been out to a political meeting 
 before for the last twenty-five years. The venerable old 
 gentleman stated in a few feeling remarks the object of 
 the meeting; that he had not meddled with politics since 
 the days of Jefferson ; but that now in view of the aw 
 ful calamities which threatened to involve our country 
 in total ruin, he felt it his duty the little remaining time 
 he might be spared from the grave, to lift up his voice 
 and his example before his children, grand children, and 
 great grandchildren whom he saw gathered around him, 
 and encourage them to save the country for which he 
 had fought and bled in his younger years. After the 
 enthusiastic applause elicited by these remarks, the old 
 gentleman called for the nomination of a chairman, 
 and JOSHUA DOWNING, ESQUIRE was unanimously called 
 to the chair, and Mr Ephraim Downing appointed Sec 
 retary. 
 
 On motion of Mr Jacob Downing, voted, that a com- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 91 
 
 mittee of five be appointed to draft resolutions to lay 
 before this meeting. Whereupon Jotham Downing, 
 Ichabod Downing, Zenas Downing, Levi Downing, and 
 Isaiah Downing, were appointed said committee, and 
 after retiring about five minutes, they returned and re 
 ported the following preamble and resolutions. 
 
 Whereas an awful crisis has arrived in the political 
 affairs of our country, our public men all having turned 
 traitors, and resolved to ruin the country, and make us 
 and our children all slaves forever ; and whereas our 
 ship of state and our ship of the United States, are both 
 driven with tremendous violence before the fury of the 
 political tempest, and are just upon the point of being 
 dashed upon the breakers of political destruction ; and 
 whereas, nothing short of the most prompt and vigorous 
 exertions of the patriotic democratic national republi 
 cans of this state and of the United States can avert the 
 impending danger, 
 
 And whereas, the Jacksonites, and Adamsites, and 
 Huntonites, and Smithites, have so multiplied in the 
 land, and brought things to such a pass, that our liber 
 ties are unquestionably about to receive their doom for 
 ever : 
 
 Therefore Resolved, that it is the highest and most 
 sacred duty of every patriotic Democratic National Re 
 publican in the State, to arouse himself and buckle 011 
 his political armour, and make one last, one mighty ef 
 fort, to save the state and the country, and place the 
 constitution once more upon a safe and firm foundation. 
 
 Resolved, that the awful crisis of affairs in this State 
 requires a firm devoted patriot, a high-minded and gifted 
 statesman, and a uniform unwavering Democratic Na 
 tional Republican, for chief magistrate. 
 
 Resolved, that in this awful crisis, we believe the eyes 
 of all true patriots are turned upon 
 
 THE HON. JACK DOWNING, 
 
92 LETTERS OF 
 
 late of Downingville, but since last winter a resident in 
 Portland, the capital of the State. 
 
 Resolved, that we have the fullest confidence in the 
 talents, integrity, moral worth, tried patriotism, and un 
 wavering and unchangeable sterling Democratic National 
 Republicanism of the Hon. Jack Downing^ and that his 
 election to the office of Governor in September next, 
 and nothing else, can save the State from total, unut 
 terable, and irretrievable ruin. 
 
 Resolved therefore, That we recommend him to the 
 electors of this State as a candidate for said office, and 
 that we will use all fair and honourable means, and, if 
 necessary, will not stick at some a little Jzs-honourable, 
 to secure his election. 
 
 Resolved, That we disapprove of personal crimination 
 and re-crimination in political contests, and therefore 
 will only say of our opponents, that we think them no 
 better than they should be, and that they unquestiona 
 bly mean to destroy the land we live in. 
 
 Resolved, That it be recommended to all the patriotic 
 democratic national republicans throughout the State, to 
 be up and doing; to call county meetings, town meet 
 ings, school district meetings, and village and bar-room 
 meetings, and proceed to organize the party as fast as 
 possible, by appointing standing committees, and central 
 committees, and corresponding committees, and bearers 
 and distributers of handbills; and in short by doing eve 
 ry thing that the good of the cause and the salvation of 
 the country requires. 
 
 Resolved, conditionally,* That in case General Jack 
 son should be likely to be re-elected, we highly and cor 
 dially approve of his administration, and believe him to 
 be second to none but Washington ; but in case he should 
 stand no chance of re-election, we resolve him to be the 
 ignorant tool of a corrupt faction, plotting to destroy the 
 liberties of the country. 
 
 Resolved, That the thanks of this convention be pre- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 93 
 
 sented to Miss Abigail Downing, for the use of her school 
 room this afternoon, she having with a generous patriot 
 ism dismissed her school for that purpose. 
 
 Resolved, That the proceedings of this convention, 
 signed by the Chairman and Secretary, be published in 
 the Portland Daily Courier, and the Family Reader, the 
 official organs of the Hon. JACK DOWNING'S correspond 
 ence', and any other genuine Democratic National Re 
 publican papers in the State. 
 
 JOSHUA DOWNING, Chairman. 
 Attest : EPHRAIM DOWNING, Secretary. 
 
 We are assured by Lieutenant Timothy Downing, with 
 whom we had a short interview, that the best spirit pre 
 vailed in the convention ; not a dissenting voice was 
 heard, and all the resolutions passed unanimously. We 
 add an extract or two from private letters. 
 
 From Ephraim Downing, to the Hon. Jack Dozening. 
 
 "Well Jack, if you don't acknowledge we've done the 
 thing up in style, you're no gentleman and not fit for 
 Governor. I wish you to be very particular to keep the 
 Sheriff's office for me. Father says cousin Jeremiah has 
 thrown out some hints that he shall have the Sheriff's 
 office. But butter my ristbands, if you do give it to him 
 you'll "go out of office again next year, that's positive. 
 Jere's a clear factionist, you may rely upon that. No, 
 no, stick to your old friends, and they'll stick to you. 
 I'm going to start to-morrow morning on an electioneer 
 ing cruise. I shall drum 'em up about right. You only 
 keep a stiff upper lip, and you'll corne in all hollow." 
 
 From Joshua Downing, Esq. to the Hon. Jack Downing. 
 "Dear Jack, things look well here ; with proper exer 
 tions I think you may rely upon success. I am in great 
 haste, and write this jest to tell you to be sure and not 
 promise a single office to any mortal living, till I see you. 
 
94 LETTERS OF 
 
 These things must be managed very prudently, and you 
 will stand in need of the counsel of your old uncle. I 
 think I could 'do as much good to the State by being ap 
 pointed Land Agent, as any way ; but I'll determine upon 
 that when I see you. 
 
 N. B. Make no promises. Your affectionate uncle, 
 
 JOSHUA. 
 
 LETTER XXI. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells about the Portland town- 
 meeting. 
 
 Portland, September 15, 1830. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA. The great battle, that 's been 
 coming on all summer, is over, and the smoke jest begins 
 to blow away a little, so that we can look round and see 
 who 's killed, and who 's wounded so bad they cant get 
 over it, and who 's driven off the field, and who stands 
 their ground and cries victory. I 've been looking out for 
 you here ever since yesterday noon, for I thought if it 
 looked up there, as though I stood any chance to be 
 elected governor, you would be right down here as quick 
 as possible, driving night and day, to see about them are 
 offices. For you know you promised to help me fix 'em, 
 and told me I must not give away one of 'em till you- 
 come. And you may depend on it I should a held on to 
 'em to the bat's end, till you did come, let who would 
 come arter 'em. But as you have n't got here yet, I 'm 
 afraid I did n't run very well up there, so I thought I 
 would write to you and see what 's the matter. If I did 
 n't run any better up there than I did down here to 
 Portland, I would n't give a cent to be a candidate any 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 95 
 
 longer this year ; for I might run till I was gray, and not 
 be elected. However, worst come to worst, I know what 
 I can do. If Judge Smith's got in, and they say about 
 here he 's gone all hollow, I '11 see if I cant work it so 
 as to get an office under him. You see I kept pretty 
 still along for sometime before election, and I guess I can 
 manage it so as to make him think I lectioneered for 
 him, and then I '11 follow him up, tooth and nail, till he 
 gives me an office. I '11 try for sheriff first, and if I cant 
 get that, I ? 11 try for Clark of the Courts, for they say 
 that 's a pretty good office. And if he says he has given 
 them all away, I '11 try for Land Agent, for you know 
 I 've been about the woods a good deal ; and if he says 
 that belongs to Dr Rose, I '11 try to be a Post Master 
 somewhere, or a door keeper to the Legislator, or some 
 sich like. And if he says these are all gone tu, I '11 tell 
 him if he '11 give me a fair price, I '11 water his horse and 
 brush his boots. And if he wont let me do that, I say 
 burn his boots, I '11 run against him again next year. 
 
 I spose you would like to know something about how 
 the election turned out down here. Soon as the bell 
 rung, I sot out to go to the town hall, but before I got 
 half way there, I met chaises, and waggons, and another 
 kind of chaises, that went on four wheels and was shut 
 up close as a hen-coop, all driving Mother way, Jehu like. 
 What is the matter ? says I ; who 's beat 1 But along 
 they went snapping their whips without answering me a 
 word, and by their being in sich a terrible hurry 1 thought 
 sure enough they had got beat, and the enemy was arter 
 'em. So I steered round into another street to get out 
 of the way for fear they should get a brush at me ; but 
 there was as many more of 'em driving like split down 
 that street tu. Where upon arth are they all going, says 
 I, to a feller that overtook me upon the full run. Going ? 
 says he ; why to bring 'em to the polls, you goose head : 
 and away he went by me in a whisk. When he said 
 poles, I thought that cousin Ephraim must have come in 
 
96 LETTERS OF 
 
 with a load, as they 'd be likely to fetch a good price 
 about this timCj and I concluded all that running and 
 driving was to see who should have the first grab at 'em. 
 I called to him to tell me where Ephraim was, but he 
 was out of hearing. 
 
 So I marched along till I got to the town hall, and 
 they were flocking in thick as hops. When I got with 
 in two or three rods of the house a man come along 
 and handed me a vote for Mr Smith ; I stept on the side 
 walk and another man handed me a vote for Mr Hun- 
 ton ; and I went along towards the door and another 
 man handed me a vote for Mr Smith, and then another 
 handed me one for Mr Hunton. And then I went to go 
 up stairs into the hall, and there was a row of about 
 twenty men, and all of 'em gave me a vote, about one 
 half for Smith and one half for Hunton. And before I 
 got through the hall to the place where they were firing 
 off their votes, they gave me about twenty more ; so if 
 I had been a mind to vote for Smith or Hunton I could 
 have gin 'em a noble lift ; but that wasn't what I was 
 arter. I was looking out for the interests of my con 
 stituents at Downingville. And when I come to see 
 among so many votes ? not, one of 'em had my name on 
 it, I began to feel a little kind of streaked. 
 
 I went out again, and I see the chaises arid waggons 
 kept coming and going, and I found out that bringing of 
 'em to the polls meant bringing of 'em to vote. And I 
 asked a feller that stood there, who them are men, that 
 they kept bringing, voted for. Why, says he, they vote 
 for whichever goes arter 'em, you goose-head you. Ah, 
 says I, is that the way they work it 1 And where do 
 they bring 'em from ? O, says he, down round the 
 wharves, and the outskirts of the town and any where 
 that they can catch 'em. Well, well, thinks I to my 
 self, I've got a new rinkle, I see how this business is 
 done now. So off I steered and hired a horse and wag 
 gon, and went to hunting up folks to carry to town meet- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 97 
 
 ing. And I guess before night I carried nearly fifty 
 there.of one, sort and another ; ancTI was sure to whis- 
 per to every one of 'em jest as they got out of the wag 
 gon, and tell 'em my name was Jack Downing. They 
 all looked very good natured when I told 'em my name, 
 and I thought to be sure they would all vote for me. 
 But how was I thunderstruck when the vote was declar 
 ed, and there was 1008 for Mr Smith, 909 for Mr Hun- 
 ton, 4 for Mr Ladd, and one or two for somebody else, 
 and not /y^ for TTjf - Now was 'nt that too bad, uncle ? 
 Them are faithless politicians that I carried up to the 
 town-meeting ! if I only knew who they were, they should 
 pay for the horse and waggon, or we'd have a breeze 
 about it. 
 
 Write soon, for I am anxious to know how they turn 
 ed out in Downingville. 
 
 Your loving neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXII. 
 
 Return of votes from Downingville. 
 To ike Hon. Jack Downing, Portland. 
 
 Downingville, Monday Eve, September 13, 1830. 
 DEAR JACK, I have just returned, puffing and blow 
 ing, from town-meeting, and have only time to tell you 
 that we gave you a confounded good run here. If your 
 friends in the rest of the State have done their duty, you 
 are elected by an overwhelming majority. The vote in 
 this town for governor stood as follows : 
 
 Hon. JACK DOWNING, ^7 <* 
 
 Hon. Samuel E. Smith, MX) 
 
 Hon. Jonathan G. Hunton, 00 
 
 9 
 
98 LETTERS OF 
 
 Capt. Jehu Downing is elected representative ; it was 
 thought to be due to him by the party for his magnani 
 mous exertions in carrying the express to Portland at 
 the time you were nominated by our grand convention. 
 In great haste, your uncle, 
 
 JOSHUA DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXIII. 
 
 In which Mr Downing hits on a new plan to get an office. 
 
 Portland, Dec. 13, 1830. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA : I am tired of hard work, 
 and I mean to have an office some how or other yet. 
 Its true I and all our family got rather dished in the 
 governor business ; if I'd only got in, they should every 
 soul of 'em had an office, down to the forty-ninth cousin. 
 But its no use to cry for spilt milk. I've got another 
 plan in my head ; I find the United States offices are 
 the things to make money in, and if I can get hold of 
 a good fat one, you may appoint a day of thanksgiving 
 up there in Downingville, and throw by your work 
 every one of you as long as you live. 
 
 I want you to set me up for *>i">r p f r.pnarMa up 
 there, and get me elected as soon as you can, for if I 
 can get on to Washington I believe I can work it so as 
 to get an office some how or other. I want you to be 
 particular to put me up as a Tariffjmap. I was agoing 
 to take sides against the tariff so as to please Gineral 
 Jackson and all his party, for they deal out the offices 
 now a days, and 'you know they've been mad enough 
 with the tariff to eat it up. But the Portland Adver 
 tiser l^as been blowin away lately and praising up the 
 tariff and telling what a fine thing tis, and fact, it has 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 99 
 
 brought the old gineral round. His great long message 
 to Congress has just got along here, and the old gentle 
 man says the tariff wants a little mending, but on the 
 whole it's a cute good thing, and we must n't give it up. 
 Your lovin neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXIV. 
 
 In which Cousin Sarah compares the society of Portland 
 with that of Downingville. 
 
 {.Note by the Editor. This is not aunt Sally who was married 
 and living in Portland ; but a niece who had been there a short 
 time at school.] 
 
 Portland, Dec. 22, 1830. 
 To Cousin Nobby Downing. 
 
 Now I do beg of you, my dear Nabby, never to joke 
 me, as you did in your last letter, about the Portland 
 beaux. Why, if I thought any thing about sich mat 
 ters, I would a great deal sooner marry Sam Josslyn. 
 He is educated enough to know the age of his cows 
 and oxen, to know how to cultivate a field of corn, or a 
 patch of potatoes ; can read his bible, and say the ten 
 commandments, and what is better, Sarn can keep them 
 all. Besides these accomplishments, you know Sam 
 has a snug little farm of his own, free from mortgages 
 or any other embarrassments, is sober, active, and in 
 dustrious, and I doubt not, has cast many a sheep's eye 
 at my good cousin Nabby. These are good substantial 
 prospects, which it is hardly worth while to overlook, and 
 which it would be rather difficult to find among the Port 
 land beaux. I have often heard uncl^Toshua, who is now 
 the most wealthy man in Downingville, tell how he com- 
 
100 LETTERS OF 
 
 menced business with a capital of only one dollar, and 
 how some young wags of the village came in and made 
 a good deal of sport by purchasing up all his stock. 
 But he didn't care for their jokes, he added the profits 
 of his sale to his capital, and commenced business 
 again ; and by good-HMwiagement, economy in his dress 
 and frugality in his living, he soon put himself beyond 
 the reach of want or waggery. I have always admired 
 the perseverance and economy of my good uncle, and 
 have contrasted it with the management of our Portland 
 merchants. They often commence business with even 
 less capital than uncle Joshua ; but then their stock is 
 worth perhaps five or six thousand dollars. They cut a 
 great dash for a few months, and then, if they are un 
 married, begin to ogle the girls in order to choose a 
 wife. And what do you think are the requisites for a 
 wife here, Cousin Nabby ? You say she must be capa 
 ble,, nf>at^ indtis^i"" Find n HI in hit* No indeed, my dear, 
 such things are scarcely ever thought of here. She 
 must have a smattering ofJFrench, must be able to drum 
 the music out of a piano, to sing^swwHlance, or all in 
 one word, she must be genteel. Well, such girls are 
 plenty enough down here, and a wife is soon obtained. 
 They hire a large house, furnish it elegantly, obtain 
 servants, go to parties,bajls.and the theatre, make jams, 
 and morning calls, ancTthen fmL The wife goes home 
 again to her mother's, with the addition of an innocent 
 babe, and the young broken merchant is off to the south 
 to look after business again. Now do you not think this 
 a refined and intellectual state of society ? You will 
 not wonder that I am attached to the unsoojiifiJicated 
 manners and simple habits of our own village. Do not 
 think from what I have~"~saTd, TKereare no people of in 
 tellect here, for I assure you there is a choice brother 
 hood whom we sometimes meet at social parties and 
 lectures, but they are so accustomed to the weak and 
 frivolous of our sex, that their conversation is almost 
 
MAJOR JACIJJ: jgkrtrNtii&f. ', ' \ '.', ' i i 101 
 
 wholly confined to each other. Have you made any 
 additions to our little library since I left home 1 If you 
 are not too bashful, tell Sam to read these long winter 
 evenings, instead of spending his time in making axe 
 handles and goad sticks. Cousin Jack has got his head 
 so full of politics, that I doubt whether he sells one for 
 him, this winter. Tell Uncle Joshua if he has any 
 more apple sauce to sell this winter, to send it down in 
 the old lumber box by Ned, and if he must needs send 
 his letters to Jack through the Courier, be sure and not 
 to say one word about the apple sauce, for you dont 
 know how queer it looks to see governors and goad- 
 sticks, politics and pan-dowdy, ballot-boxes and bean 
 poles, all jumbled up together. 
 
 Your loving Cousin, 
 
 SARAH DOWNING, 
 
 LETTER XXV. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells how Cousin Jehu went to the 
 Legislature, and had to go back after his primy facy 
 case. 
 
 Portland, Tuesday Jan. 11, 1831. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA, Cousin Jehu and I got down 
 here the Monday before the Legislater met, and sich a 
 dragging time of it, as we had through the mud, I guess 
 you never see. More than three quarters of the way, it 
 was as bad as ploughing mash-meadow in April. The 
 waggon wheels sometimes went in almost up to the hub, 
 and we had to get out and lift and pry as hard as the 
 Legislater used to, last winter, to get the wheels of gov 
 ernment agoing. Your poor old hoss is nearly done tu. 
 But we shall doctor him up as well as we can, so as to 
 get him home again. Next day we went round to see 
 how the market was. Your apple-sass fetched a good 
 9* 
 
102 ; LttTtfXRS OF 
 
 price. We sold it to a Jacksonite tavern-keeper. He 
 said he wanted a little something to sour his dinners a 
 little mite ; for his boarders were all Jacksonites, and 
 they'd got the upperhand so now days, that they com 
 plained their victuals was all too sweet. Your boiled 
 cider went off at a real round price tu. Why, how 
 much did you boil that cider down ? It was so strong, 
 that a gill of it would knock a man down any time. We 
 sold it to a Huntonite tavern-keeper. He said his board 
 ers were all Huntonites, and he didn't know what the mat 
 ter was, but they seemed to be rather down in the mouth 
 lately, and he wanted a little something to start their 
 ideas and keep their sperits up. So he gin us jest what 
 we asked. Ax handles dont fetch nothing hardly. The 
 bean poles turned middling well, though they dont go off 
 so glib as they did last year. I find folks are a little 
 more shy about buying of 'em for sheriff poles than 
 they used to be, for they say when a man gets one, 
 there's no knowing as it will be any use to him more 
 than one year. Howsomever, we sold a few of 'em 
 right out, and made a pretty good spec in 'em. And we 
 bargained away a number more upon condition that they 
 should want 'em. Cousin Nabby's footings fetched the 
 same they did last year, that is ninepence a pair, and 
 we got her a nice piece of cotton cloth for 'em. Tell 
 aunt Keziah we got for her bundle of urbs a pound of 
 god shushon and a quarter of snuff. We shall send 
 'em all up in the waggon by Jim. 
 
 But Jim will have to wait here till cousin Jehu gets 
 back again, for he took the other hoss Wednesday and 
 started off like a stream of lightning for Downingville. 
 Now I spose you will be a little struck up at that, till I 
 tell you the reason of it, but the fact was he came away 
 from home and forgot to bring his primy facy case. 
 And we met one of the members Tuesday night and 
 got to speaking about it, and he said it would be 
 of no use to think of getting a seat in the House with- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 103 
 
 out one, for they were going to be very particular, and 
 nobody would be allowed to take a seat in the House 
 unless he could show a good fair primy facy case. 
 Well then, said cousin Jehu, the jig is up with me, for 
 as true as eggs is bacon I left mine at home. But, 
 finally, after considerin upon it, we concluded 'twas best 
 for him, as he was a pretty smart rider, to start oft* and 
 get it and come back again as quick as possible. But 
 he might have been saved all that trouble, if he had only 
 known how it would turn out. For when the members 
 got together Wednesday morning, they appointed a 
 committee to go round among 'em and take the primy 
 facy cases and count 'em, and see if there was enough 
 to make a corum. I dont know as I can tell exactly 
 what sort of a thing a corum is, but they said the con 
 stitution wouldn't let 'em do any thing till they had a 
 corum, and it took a hundred and thirty primy facy 
 cases to make one. 
 
 One of the Huntonites made a motion that the com 
 mittee should examine the primy facy cases, and not 
 count any but what was good. -But the Jacksonites 
 said no, they should count 'em all first, and they'd take 
 their seats and go to work, and have another committee 
 afterwards to examine 'em. They disputed about it a 
 little while pretty sharp ; but at last the republicans be 
 gun to get a notion that it was only jest meant to trig 
 the wheels of government, and it stuck in their crops so 
 they couldn't bear it any longer, and they up foot and 
 gave the trig such a kick, I guess the Huntonites nor 
 Jacksonites neither wont find it again this winter. 
 
 So they let them all take their seats with such kind of 
 primy facy things as they had got, and went to choosing 
 officers. 
 
 There aint but a few Huntonites and Jacksonites in 
 the Legislate!' this year, and its lucky there isn't, for 
 there is no telling how much mischief they did last win 
 ter. There is so few of them are two rascally parties 
 here now, that are trying to ruin the country, that 'tis 
 
104 LETTERS OF 
 
 thought the republicans will be able to keep the wheels 
 agoing and get along whkout much trouble. '.yH' 
 
 I have a good deal more to write to you, but have'n't 
 time in this letter. Elder Hall is here, but he is not 
 President this year. He thinks rotation in office is all 
 the beauty of republicanism, so he gave up the chair this 
 year to Mr Dunlap. 
 
 Cousin Sally has got most through her second quar 
 ter's schooling here, and when she gets through, I dont 
 know but I should advise you to take her home, for she 
 grows so vain and accomplished, as they call it, that I 
 dont think it '11 do her much good. Jest look at her 
 last letter that she sent up in the Courier, and see how 
 lady-like she talks. And then in order to be mighty 
 nice, she must needs sign it Sarah ; as if the good old 
 name of Sally, that her mother gave her, wasn't good 
 enough for her. 
 
 Tell cousin Jehu to make haste back again, for the 
 Legislator's rattling along so with their business that 
 he'll hardly get a finger in the pie if he isn't here soon. 
 They've made a Governor, and some Councillors, and a 
 Secretary of State, and a Treasurer, and a State Printer, 
 besides doing a good many other things, and it hasn't 
 took half so long as it did last winter to say poor Mr 
 Roberts shouldn't have a seat. This in haste. 
 Your lovin neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXVI. 
 
 In which Nobby describes the temperance of Downingville. 
 
 Downingville, Jinerwary 20, 1831. 
 To Cousin Sarah Downing, at School down to Portland. 
 
 I should like to know, cousin Sarah, if you have heard 
 down there to Portland any thing about a temperance so 
 ciety. If you have just write and tell me what it means. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 105 
 
 You know father wants to know the meaning of every 
 thing, and so I walked tu miles over to the school-master's 
 to borry Mr Walker's dictionary to see what it meant ; 
 and after all I want no wiser than I was afore, for there 
 was n't one word in it about temperance societies. Tother 
 day father sot in the shop door, wondering if Jack would 
 go to the Congress or not, when a proper great fat red- 
 faced man came in, and opened a long paper with more 
 names on it than I could read in a week, and says he, 
 Mr Downing, I want you to sine your name to this paper. 
 Father took hold of the paper with one hand, and run 
 tother up under his hat, jest as he always does when he 
 tries to think ; and, my friend, says he, I dont know as I 
 quite understand what this ere means. Why, says he, 
 
 by putting your name down, vnii prnmisfi flot tr> rlrjnU 
 
 any rumyauJipelf, nor to let any of your family. My con 
 science, father understood it then, I can tell you, he 
 hopped rite out of his chair, and I guess the temperance 
 man was gone in no time. Well, after father had time 
 to consider a little he began to feel afraid he had n't 
 used the man exactly right ; for, said he, may be all 
 places aint like Downingville. I remember reading in 
 the newspaper of some places where they drink rum as 
 we do water, and get. so drunk that they tumble about on 
 the ground. And may be the man did n't know but 
 what we drank it here. And if he was trying to do good 
 he was n't so much to blame after all. Indeed, Sam, 
 said he, for Mr Josslyn came in while he was talking, 
 I 've been told there are shop keepers who retale rum by 
 the half jill, to men who drink it at their counters, and 
 some can actually bare that enormous quantity two and 
 three times in a day. I never see Sam's eyes so 
 big, Sarah ; he look'd as if he wanted to say, that 's a 
 whacker, Mr Downing ; and so thinks I, I will write to 
 Sarah, arid she '11 tell me all about it. 
 
 Your loving cousin, NABBY. 
 
 P. S, I tried to tell what father said in his own words, 
 
106 LETTERS OF 
 
 cause you always like to hear him talk. Sam says 
 Sarah dont understand such things ; the libry is only fit 
 for folks like her and the schoolmaster. A farmer ort 
 to stick to his ox bows and goard sticks. And I believe 
 he 's half rite, Sarah, for I dont believe you are so hap 
 py for trying to no so much ; ever since you took to 
 study, I see you dont laugh half so hearty as you used 
 to, and you look sober three times as often. I 'm afraid 
 you will be a spoilt girl for the country, Sarah ; you M 
 better leave your hard words and come up here and sing 
 at your wheel all day, churn butter and milk the cows, 
 go to slay rides and quiltings, and be as good and happy 
 as you used to be. I love you, Sarah, and always shall, 
 and I believe Sam would like you as well as he duz me, if 
 twant for your learnin. There, 1 wont say another 
 word, for I 'm half cryin now. N. 
 
 LETTER XXVII. 
 
 In which Mr Downing gives a description of the Ladies' 
 Fair. 
 
 Portland, Friday, Jan. 28, 1831. 
 
 MY DEAR COUSIN NABBY, It's a great while since 
 I writ to you, for you know when I write politics I al 
 ways have to send it to uncle Joshua, cause he loves 
 dearly to dig into sich things, and when I write about 
 bringing bean poles and apple-sass to market, I have to 
 send to cousin Ephraim, cause he's the boy to do that 
 are ; but when I write about the ladies and sich like I 
 send it right to you ; and I've got a master mess to tell 
 you this time, as ever you heard in all your life. I dont 
 know where bouts to begin, and when I get begun I'm 
 afraid I never shall know where to leave off; for if I 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 107 
 
 , should try to tell you all about it, I dont know but you 
 would get to be as old as aunt Reziah before I should 
 get through. Howsomever, I'll try to give you a little 
 smattering of it, and I might as well begin before I go 
 any further, for I spose by this time you're all of a did 
 der to know what I mean. Well then, to let you into 
 the mistery, we've had the ladies fair here, and of all 
 the scrapes that ever I see this beats the cap-shief ; In- 
 dependant was nothing tu it hardly. I'll tell you how 
 they come to have it. There's a woman here that takes 
 care of a whole flock of little- gals, what hant got no 
 body else to take care of 'em ; they call her the Orphan 
 Asylum. And they said she hadn't got money enough 
 fobuyTJread and milk for 'em all, and clothes to wear 
 in this cold weather. And so the ladies, for you know 
 Nabby, they are always kind hearted sort of creatures, 
 thought they'd put their heads together and see if they 
 couldn't get some money for her. So they agreed to 
 have what they call a fair that means a place where 
 every sort of nicknack that was ever made or thought 
 of, and some that never was thought of before, are brought 
 together to sell. Well, you know the women can do 
 most any thing if they set out. So, as soon as they set 
 this afloat, it went through the town like a buzz. All 
 the ladies and gals went to work like smoke, making 
 up things for the fair. 
 
 And they were in sich a taking about it, they couldn't 
 do any thing else for two months. When the men 
 went home to their dinners they'd fret and scold 'cause 
 'twant ready. Now dont scold, the woman would say, 
 for the gals have been so busy making them are little 
 frocks and pin-cushions and needle-books for the fair, 
 that they never thought of its being one o'clock so soon. 
 And when the old bachelors went up to bed, down they'd 
 come again sputtering along, and want to know what's 
 the reason their bed want made. Then the chamber 
 gal would jump as if she'd gone out of her skin ; well 
 
108 LETTERS OF 
 
 there now, says she, as true as I'm alive, IVe been so 
 busy to day making that are dicky for the fair, that I 
 never thought a word about the beds. Well, last Tues 
 day they got 'em all ready, and carried 'em into the 
 great town hall, that's as big agin as uncle Joshua's forty 
 foot barn, and paraded 'em out to sell. And they put 
 it into the papers that they should be ready by six 
 o'clock in the evening for customers. But the funniest 
 of it all was, they charged'every body ninepence a piece 
 jest for coming in to buy their things whether they bought 
 any thing or not. And if they went out a minute or 
 two and come in again, they had to pay ninepence more. 
 That's a plaguy good way to keep shop, they make mo 
 ney so fast by it. Some of the young fellers kept go 
 ing out and coming in again every few minutes, I spose 
 jest to show the gals that come with 'em that they'd a 
 good pocket full of ninepences and want stingy of 'em. 
 But I'm getting before my story. All day Tuesday 
 the chaps were flying round getting their 5 dollar bills 
 changed to go to the fair. As for me, I hadn't only a one 
 dollar bill, and I did n't dare to show that to nobody for 
 fear of the debety sheriffs, for they begin to look out 
 pretty sharp after we disappointed office seekers now-a- 
 days, and if they catch us with a dollar they nab it 
 quick enough I tell ye. Howsomever, I borried a nine- 
 pence of a feller that used to work long with me last 
 summer, and I told him I didn't doubt but what I could 
 pay him next day, for most all the lobby members of 
 the Legislater w^ould be to the fair, and bein the sher 
 iffs aint appointed yet, I should stand a good chance to 
 bargain away a few of cousin Ephraim's bean poles ; 
 and I'm to have half for selling. So as soon as the 
 clock struck six, I took my ninepence, and up I trudg 
 ed and went right into the fair, jest like any body else ; 
 and my stars! sich another sight I dont think there ever 
 was afore. I thought I'd seen most all the world since 
 I left Downingville, but bless me, come to look around 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 109 
 
 here I found I hadn't hardly begun to see it yet. I never 
 see any thing that lookt so bright before, unless it was 
 when uncle Zekiel's barn burnt down. There was a 
 master sight of candles and lamps stuck up round the 
 windows and all over the great hall, and along in the 
 middle of it there hung down two great bunches of green 
 spruce tops as big as a hogset, and they were stuck full 
 of lamps all over 'em. I believe they called 'em tallow 
 chandlers, or some sich name. The folks kept coming 
 and pouring in as thick as bees, and at last the hall got 
 chock brim full, and then if there wasn't a crowdin and 
 squeezin time I'll never guess agin. They had to look 
 out for toes, I can tell 'em ; I was glad I left my corns 
 to home, for if I hadn't I should had 'em smashed all to 
 pieces forty times. 
 
 You might as well try to crawl through a woodpile as 
 to think of getting round anywhere in the hall, only jest 
 where the crowd happened to carry you. A chap that 
 stood pretty near me said to an old white headed gen 
 tleman, have you been over there to the old witch toth- 
 er side of the hall to have your fortune told ; O no, says 
 he, I have n't been jam } d that way yet. As I was tussling 
 along to try to get a peep at some of the tables, I got 
 stuck fast between three stout women, and to move 
 another inch I couldn't if I was to be whipped. And 
 some how or other my head got jam'd under one of 
 their bonnets, but 'twas none of my duins though, and 
 says she, sir, I'll thank you to take your head out of 
 my face. Yes mam, says I, I will as soon as that lady's 
 head behind mine gets a little loose, so I can pull mine 
 back. But I had tough work to breath before I could 
 get command of my own head agin, I tell ye. Well, 
 at last I tussled along or was jam'd along some how or 
 other pretty near some of the tables, so that I could kind 
 o' peep over on to 'em sometimes. And sich a mess of 
 pretty things and queer things as they had there to sell 
 I never set eyes on before. And then, O sich a pretty 
 10 
 
110 LETTERS OF 
 
 row of gals along behind the tables for shop-keepers, all 
 dressed up so fine, and laughing out of both of their 
 eyes so like little witches, and holding up their pretty 
 things in their little white hands, and asking every body 
 to buy 'em. O Nabby, I never felt the want of money 
 so much before in all my life. Soon as I looked at 'em 
 I wished I had a thousand dollars to spend. And if 
 Fd only been elected Governor, as I ought to have been, 
 and should have been if our party had only been a lit 
 tle better organized, I'd a made the money fly well, you 
 may depend upon't ; for I think governors at sich times 
 ought to be generous and set good examples. Now I 
 think on't tell uncle Joshua I've seen the real genuine 
 republican party. It was at the fair ; there was old folks 
 and young folks, and men and women, and boys and 
 gals, and all sorts and sizes of folks mixed up together 
 higgledy piggledy, and every one said and did jest what 
 they'd a mind to. If this wasn't the republican party I 
 dont know what is. 
 
 It looked funny to see every body buying every thing 
 that was offered to 'em, and paying jest what they asked 
 for it. And the queerest of it was, if you bought a thing 
 that came to a ninepence, and handed 'em a quarter of a 
 dollar to pay for it, they would chuck the quarter into 
 the money draw, and you might whistle for your change ; 
 they would n't give you back a cent. Only think ; if the 
 stupid shop-keepers would only learn that are fashion, 
 and charge all the gals that come arter patterns ninepence 
 every time they come into their stores, and when any 
 body buys any thing of 'em never give any change back, 
 how fast they might get rich. There was young fellers 
 buying pin-balls, and old bachelors buying doll-babies, 
 and some of 'em nigger babies tu, and every body buying 
 what they did n't want, more than a toad wants two 
 tails. 
 
 At one end of the hall there was a great table covered 
 all over with cakes and candy and apples and plums, and 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. Ill 
 
 all kinds of luscious things, all brought in to help along 
 the Orphan Asylum. A man would send in some apples 
 that he sold in his store at two for a cent, and then go 
 and get his children and post off to the hall, and pay 
 ninepence apiece to go in, and then buy the apples and 
 give two cents apiece for 'em. 
 
 One gal come along nibbling off a piece of cake about 
 as big as two fingers, and another one says to her, what 
 did you give for that ? A shilling, says she ; I thought I 
 would do something to help along the Asylum. By and 
 by she come along again cramming down a handful of 
 plums and a great apple. Says 'tother one, says she, 
 what did you give for them 1 Ninepence, says she ; I 
 should n't think of buying any thing at all, if it want for 
 helping along the Asylum. By and by I saw her 
 crounching a stick of candy, such as commonly sells for 
 a cent. What did you give for that, says t'other one. 
 Three cents, says she. Dear soul, thinks I, how very 
 kind you are to help along the Asylum. 
 
 By and by I got joggled along up towards another ta 
 ble, and who should 1 see there, but a witch ! Some 
 called her the witch of Endor, that we read about in the 
 Bible, and some said it was one of the Salem witches. 
 She looked bad enough to be any one of 'em. She was 
 a little peaked nosed dried up thing ; about two feet high, 
 and she stood there upon the table to tell folks their for 
 tunes. She had a little staff in her hand that pointed 
 down on to a little wheel that had every body's fortune 
 written down on it. They 'd give the wheel a whirl and 
 when it stopped, the fortune they wanted to tell any body 
 would be right where the staff pointed. The old witch 
 could n't, or else would n't read herself, so she had a 
 pretty little roguish looking miss stand beside her to tell 
 it off. They called her the priestess, but my stars, she 
 did n't look no more like a minister's wife than you do, 
 Nabby. They asked fourpence happeny apiece for telling 
 fortunes. Up stepped a smart looking little miss and 
 
112 LETTERS OP 
 
 gave the wheel a whirl and asked what her fortune was. 
 Why, said the little witchee with a rogueish look * at the 
 annual return of this fair you will be introduced by your 
 husband.' La me, said the miss, blushing, I 'm sure you 
 cant make nothing by telling fortunes at fourpence 
 apiece ; so she threw down half a dollar, and off she 
 went. Then there came up a sober, thin, clever looking 
 sort of a man, and gave a whirl, and the little priestess 
 look'd him up in the face with a curl of the lip, and says 
 she, ' a wolf in sheep's clothing that suits your case 
 exactly, sir.' And he turned away muttering, * how 
 upon earth come that little witch of a creature to know 
 me?' 
 
 Then up stepped another man, that they said was one 
 of the Legislators, and says he, how much do you ask 
 for telling fortunes ? Only fourpence happeny says she. 
 Well, says he, I believe I '11 have mine told, so he give a 
 whirl, and after he heard his fortune, he handed a dollar 
 to take out the fourpence happeny, and the rogueish 
 priestess slipped it into the draw and turned right about, 
 and went to waiting upon somebody else. And the poor 
 man waited and waited for his change till he got tired 
 and then he drawed back out of sight. 
 
 But there, Nabby, I must stop before I tell you half 
 ont, or I shall get my letter so long the printer wont send 
 it ; for he threatens to charge me postage if I send sich 
 long ones. But they had jest sich a scrape all the next 
 day and next evening ; and the next evening after that, 
 they sold all the trinkets they had left at vandue. I dont 
 know how much money they got in the whole, but you 
 may depend upon it 't was a real swad ; and I guess the 
 Orphan Asylum woman might give the little gals gin*- 
 gerbread to eat this two years if she 's a mind to, and 
 let 'em have new warm gowns and good shoes and stock 
 ings into the bargain. So here I must stop, and when I 
 go to another fair you shall hear from me again. 
 Your loving cousin, 
 
 JACK DOWNING, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 113 
 
 LETTER XXVIII. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells how the Jacksonites in the Le 
 gislature had a dreadful tussle to pour a " healing act" 
 down the throats of the Huntonites. 
 
 .[Note by the Editor. The bitterness of feeling occasioned by the 
 struggle for the ascendency between the two parties in 1830, still 
 rankled in the breasts of the members of the Legislature in 1831. 
 The Huntonites had acquired the ascendency the preceding session, 
 but now the Jacksonites were in power, and they contended that 
 the acts of l!lU*IIlllllUlllU!t> Hi 1UUO were unconstitutional and void. 
 They therefore set about preparing a "healing act " to declare all 
 the doings of the preceding Legislature^ dlid m the lump. When 
 this Bill was brought forward, it produced a storm in the Legisla 
 ture, almost unparalleled. The Huntonites considered it altogeth 
 er a useless provoking piece of political trickery. They contended 
 that if the acts of the former Legislature were in fact unconstitu 
 tional, no law passed by this Legislature could make them constitu 
 tional ; and considering it a wanton attempt to heap insult and 
 od^um upon them, they fought against it almost while life and breath 
 remained. A fierce debate on the passage of this Bill was carried 
 on for several days. But the Jacksonites had the power in their 
 own hands, and the Bill was finally passed. The scene is somewhat 
 minutely described in the two following letters.] 
 
 Portland, Feb. 4, 1831. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA. If you got my postcript to 
 this letter that I sent you yesterday, I spose you wont 
 sleep nor eat much till- you hear something more about 
 it. So I thought I'd try to send you a little bit of a let 
 ter to-day. O dear, uncle, there 's terrible times here 
 again, and I'm half afraid it's agoing to be worse than 
 it was last winter. The Legislate!* *s been all in the 
 wind this two or three days, pulling and hauling and 
 fighting like smoke. The wheels of government are all 
 stopt ; I cant say as they are trigged, as they used to be 
 last winter, but they are fairly stopped, because nobody 
 dont pull 'em along ; for when the members are all pull 
 ing each other's caps, how can they pull the wheels of 
 government ? They seemed to get along very well ever 
 since they Ve been here till now, and I thought they most 
 10* 
 
114 LETTERS OF 
 
 all belonged to them are two clever parties that tried so 
 hard to save the State last winter ; I mean the demo 
 cratic republicans and the national republicans. But 
 some how or other this week a quarrelsome gang of 
 Jacksonites and Huntonites has got into the Legislater 
 and kicked up such a bobbery, it seems as though they 'd 
 tare the State all to pieces. My heart 's been up in my 
 mouth a dozen times for fear the State would go to ruin 
 before I could get out of it ; and 1 've scratched round 
 and picked up what few bean-poles and ax-handles I 
 had left, and got all ready to set sail to Boston, for I'me 
 determined to be off before the State goes to rack. And 
 I advise you and all our friends at Downingville to pack 
 up as soon as you get this letter, and be all ready as 
 soon as you hear a cracking down this way to fly for 
 your lives away back into New-Hampshire or Vermont. 
 The trouble as near as I could understand it begun in 
 this way. The Jacksonites said the Huntonites worked 
 so hard last winter in trying to trig the wheels of govern 
 ment, and tare the constitution to pieces, that they made 
 themselves all sick, dreadful sick, and had n T t got well 
 yet; and it was time to do something to try to cure 'em; 
 for their sickness was so catching that all the State 
 would be taken down with it in a little while, if they want 
 cured. 
 
 But the Huntonites said they want sick a bit ; they 
 never was better in their lives ; and moreover, it was 
 false that they had tried to trig the wheels of govern 
 ment last winter, or tear a single leaf out of the consti 
 tution ; if any thing of that kind was done, they said 
 the Jacksonites did it, and as for taking doctor's stuff 
 they'd no notion of it. But the Jacksonites said 'twas 
 no use, the Huntonites were all sick, and they must take 
 some doctor stuff, and if they wouldn't take it willingly 
 they must be made to take it. So they went to work and 
 fixed a dose that they called a healing act, that they said 
 would cure all the Huntonites and any body else that had 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 115 
 
 catched the sickness of 'em. The Huntonites declared 
 'twas no use for 'em to fix it, for they never would take 
 it as long as they lived, that's what they wouldn't ; they 
 were as well as any body, and they'd fight it out till next 
 June before they'd take it. Howsomever, the Jackson- 
 ites got their dose ready, and yesterday they carried it 
 into the House of Representatives and told the Hunton 
 ites they must take it, and 'twould do 'em good. As soon 
 as the Huntonites smelt of it, they turned up their noses, 
 and said no, before they'd take that are plaguy dirty stuff 
 they'd fight 'em all over the State, inch by inch. But 
 the Jacksonites said 'twas no use, they might sniff as 
 much as they pleased, it was the only thing that would 
 cure 'em, and they must take it, and more than all that, 
 they was the strongest and they should take it. 
 
 Some of the Huntonites looked pale as tho' they were 
 a little grain frightened, and some of them looked red 
 as though they were mad as a March hair. And some 
 of 'em begun to talk to the Jacksonites and tell 'em how 
 unreasonable it was to make 'em take doctor stuff when 
 they want sick. They were well now, and like as not if 
 they should take it ; t'would make 'em all sick. 
 
 One of 'em, that talked like a very clever man got up 
 and coaxed 'em to ask the Judges of the great Court if 
 they thought there was any need of their taking sich 
 a dose, or if it would do 'em any good if they did take it. 
 But the Jacksonites said no, they shouldn't ask no sich 
 questions. They understood the business well enough, 
 they knew the Huntonites were sick, and they knew this 
 would cure 'em, and swallow it they should. Well, the 
 Huntonites see how 'twas gone goos,p with 'em, and they 
 thought the only chance left was to put their hands over 
 their mouths and fight and kick and scrabble with all 
 their might and keep it out of their throats as long as 
 they could. Still they tried to talk and reason with the 
 Jacksonites about it. They asked 'em to let them have 
 time to examine the medicine carefully and see what it 
 
116 LETTERS OF 
 
 was made of, or that they would tell 'em what it was 
 made of, or why they thought it would do any good to 
 take it. But the Jacksonites said they shouldn't tell 'em 
 any thing about it, it would be ' casting pearls before 
 swine,' and the good book said they mustn't do so. 
 
 The men who had fixed the dose knew what they were 
 about, they had fixed it right, and the Huntonites must 
 open their mouths and take it, and not parley any more 
 about it. And now the real tussle and the hard fight begun. 
 Th^ House seemed to be so full of Jacksonites and Hun 
 tonites that I guess there was n't but a few republicans 
 left. And I could n't help minding that the Jacksonites 
 took the seats of the democratic republicans, and the 
 Huntonites took the seats of the national republicans. 
 Well, the Jacksonites took the dose in one hand, and grab'd 
 the Huntonites with the other, and tipped their heads 
 back, and were jest agoing to pour it down their throats, 
 when the Huntonites fetched a spring and kicked it away 
 to ** >Q f^lFth tlflT ^f-i/lpriT But the Jacksonites run after 
 it and got it back again in about half an hour, and clinched 
 'em again, and got all ready to pour it down ; but jest 
 as they got it almost to their lips, the Huntonites fetched 
 another spring and kicked it away to the fourth of 
 March. Away went the Jacksonites after it again, and 
 brought it back, and clinched the Huntonites in the same 
 manner as before, and they kicked it away again, but 
 they did n't kick this time quite to the end of February. 
 
 So they kept it agoing all the forenoon, but every time 
 the Huntonites kick'd the bitter dose away, it didn't go 
 so far as it did the last time before. I spose they begun 
 to grow tired and .could n't kick so harci. Well, then 
 they tried to adjourn so as to get some dinner, but the 
 Jacksonites would n't let 'em. And they kept 'em there 
 till four o'clock in the afternoon without any dinner, and 
 I dont know but they thought the Huntonites would get 
 so hungry after a while that they would swallow it down 
 without much fuss. But it all would n't do, the nearer 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 117 
 
 it come to 'em, the tighter the Huntonites gritted their 
 teeth together, and I guess they'd a starved before they 
 would take it. Well after the Jacksonites had tried 
 nearly twenty times to pour down the bitter dose, and 
 the Huntonites had kicked it away as many times, both 
 parties seemed to be nearly tired out, and so they finally 
 agreed to adjourn till nine o'clock this morning. I 
 thought the Huntonites, if they once got out, would cut 
 and run home and get clear of the plaguy stuff. But in 
 stead of that they all come in again this morning, and 
 they've been at it again all day, hammer and tongs, the 
 Jacksonites trying to pour it down, and the Huntonites 
 fighting against it, tooth and nail. 
 
 How it '11 come out I cant tell. Whether the State 
 will be ruined if they dont take it, I cant tell ; or whether 
 it will cure them if they do take it, I can't tell. But I 
 can assure you, dear uncle, there's a greater fuss here, than 
 there was when the little boy said he run and jumped 
 over a fence and tore his trowses as if the heavens and 
 earth were coming to pieces. If we live through it, I 
 shall let you know something more about it. 
 Your loving neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXIX. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells how the Jacksonites at last 
 got the ' healing act 1 down the throats of the Hun 
 tonites. 
 
 Portland, Saturday, March 5, 1831. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA. I aint dead, but I spose you 
 begin to feel kind of uneasy about me, beiri I have n't 
 writ home so long. Well, I'll tell you how 'twas ; I've 
 had this ere cold and one thing another, so bad, I did n't 
 feel hardly smart enough to write. And besides 1 got 
 so skeer'd that night the Jacksonites poured their doctor 
 
118 LETTERS OF 
 
 stuff, what they call the healing plaster, down the 
 throates of the Huntonites, that I did n't dare to go 
 nigh 'em agin for a good while for fear they'd pour some 
 of their pesky stuff down my throat. But I'm sorry I 
 did n't write afore, for I've let it alone so long now, that 
 my work has got desputly behindhand. When I writ to 
 you before, the Jacksonites were holding the Huntonites 
 by the hair of the head with one hand and trying to 
 cram the healing plaster down their throats with 'tother, 
 and the Huntonites were kicking and scrabbling, and 
 gritting their teeth together with all their might, and 
 doubling up their fists and stamping, and declaring up 
 hill and down, that they would never take it. And they 
 were so upstropulous about it for a while, I did n't know 
 as they ever would swallow it. But the Jacksonites 
 were the stoutest, and held on to 'em like a dog to a 
 root, and kept 'em there all day and all the evening till 
 about midnight, and then the poor Huntonites seemed 
 to be a most dragged out. I fairly pitied 'em. Along 
 in the first of it they threatened pretty stoutly, and de 
 clared by every thing that's black and blue, if they had 
 to take this dirty dose and should happen to be strongest 
 next year, they'd make the Jacksonites take a dose 
 worth two of this. But all the threatening did n't do 
 any good ; and then they fell to begging and coaxing, 
 and that did n't do any good nother. The Jacksonites 
 said they should not only take it, but they should take it 
 that night before they slept. At last they got their 
 hands and feet tied, and kept bringing it up a little 
 nearer and little nearer to their mouths, and the Hun 
 tonites got so they could n't do nothing but spit. But 
 the Jacksonites did n't mind the spitting, for you know 
 it is n't for the doctor to stand about being spit upon a 
 little, when he's giving medicine. Just before the last 
 ont, the poor Huntonites rolled their eyes dreadfully, 
 and I believe some on 'em lost their senses a little ; one 
 of 'em took a notion that they were agoing to make him 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 119 
 
 swallow a whole live goose, feathers and all ; and he 
 begged of 'em, if they would n't take out the gizzard 
 and 'tother inside things, that they'd jest pull out the pin 
 feathers, so that it would n't scratch his throat going 
 down. But they did n't pay no attention to him, and 
 just before the clock struck twelve they grabbed 'em by 
 the throat, and pried their mouths open, and poured it 
 in. The Huntonites guggled a little, but they had to 
 swallow it. A day or two arterwards they made some 
 of the Sinneters take it in the same way. They had 
 a considerable tussle for it, but not quite so bad as they 
 had in the House. 
 
 Some thought this healing dose would make the Hun 
 tonites worse, and some thought it would make 'em bet 
 ter. I've watched 'em ever since they took it whenever 
 I dared to go near the Legislater, and I cant see much 
 alteration in 'em. But that or something else has kicked 
 up a ^monstrous dust amongst other folks all over the 
 world amost. I've been looking over the newspapers a 
 little, and I never see the world in such a terrible hub 
 bub before in all my life. Every body seems to be run 
 ning mad, and jest ready to eat each other up. There's 
 Russia snapping her teeth like a great bear, and is just 
 agoing to eat up the Poles, I dont mean Ephraim's bean 
 poles, but all the folks that live in Poland ; not that 
 are Poland up there where Mr Dunn lives, but that 
 great Poland over along side of Russia. And there's 
 the Dutch trying to eat up Holland, and the Belgians 
 are trying to eat up the Dutch, and there's ' five great 
 powers' trying to pour a healing dose down the thro'at 
 of the king of the Netherlands, and there's Mr O'Con- 
 nell trying to make the king of England and Parliament 
 take a healing dose, and there's Ireland jest ready to 
 eat up Mr O'Connel, and all the kings of Europe are 
 trying to eat up the people, and the people are all trying 
 to eat up the kings. 
 
 And our great folks in this country too, away off 
 
120 LETTERS OF 
 
 there to Washington, have got into such a snarl, I guess 
 it would puzzle a Philadelphy lawyer to get 'em out of 
 it. There's the President and Mr Calhoun and Mr 
 Van Buren and the two great republican papers, and 
 half a dozen more of 'em, all together by the ears ; but 
 which of 'em will eat up the rest I don't know. I've 
 heard a good many guess that Mr Van Buren would eat 
 up the whole toat of 'em ; for they say although he's a 
 small man, there isn't another man in the country, that 
 can eat his way through a political pudding so 'slick as 
 he can. These are dreadful times, uncle ; I don't know 
 what '11 become of the world, if I dont get an office 
 pretty soon. 
 
 It seems to me there must be something out of the 
 way to make so much confusion in the world ; and I 
 hope the Legislator before they adjourn will pass a gen 
 eral healing act to cure all these difficulties. They 've 
 been talking about passing a healing act to cure our 
 state house up to Augusta, for they say its too small, 
 and they intend to bring it down here to Portland to 
 cure it. But I guess it '11 give 'em a pull, for they say 
 the Rennebeckers are master fellers to hold on. 
 
 They had a kind of a fluste ration here to-day in the 
 Legislater. The Speaker 's cleared out, and left 'em, 
 because the Governor said he'd taken his turn sitting in 
 the Chair long enough, and he must go and sit on the 
 Bench awhile now. And then they went to work and 
 chose that good natured man from Monmouth for Speak 
 er. I meant to a told you about them are two great 
 meetings they 've had here to make Governors and 
 Presidents and one thing another : but I hav'nt time to 
 day. 
 
 One of 'em made Mr Smith Governor for next year 
 and Gineral Jackson President ; and 'tother made Mr 
 Sprague governor, and kind of put Mr Clay a brewing 
 for President. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 121 
 
 If you think its best for me to run again for governor 
 another year I wish you'd call our friends together up 
 there and have me nominated, for there's nothing like 
 starting in season in these matters. 
 Your loving neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXX. 
 
 In which Mr. Downing dreams some poetry. 
 
 From the Portland Courier, April, 1831. 
 
 [Legislative proceedings extra. On the evening before the ad 
 journment of the Legislature, while the members of the House 
 were waiting for some bill to be engrossed, Mr. Shapleigh of Ber 
 wick presented an order, that a Committee be appointed to consider 
 the expediency of assessing an annual tax upon a certain class of 
 gentlemen commonly called Old Bachelors, to be appropriated for 
 the use and support of a certain class of ladies usually known by 
 the name of Old Maids, with leave to report by Bill or otherwise. 
 Mr McCrate of Nobleborough hoped the mover would offer his rea 
 sons for the passage of the order. Mr. Delesdernier said he under, 
 stood the order reflected upon his friend from Nobleborough ; he 
 therefore moved it be laid on the table, which motion was decided 
 in the negative. 
 
 Mr Baxter then remarked that he hoped gentlemen would reflect 
 before they went too far, and not commit an impropriety by way of 
 amusement. He moved that the order be indefinitely postponed, 
 which motion prevailed. While we were puzzling ourselves to 
 know what report we should make of these Legislative proceedings 
 our friend Jack Downing very opportunely, as he often does, came 
 in to our aid as follows.] 
 
 Portland, Saturday, April 2, 1831. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN NABBY, I dont hardly know whether to 
 send this letter to you, or uncle Joshua. You know I 
 always send all the politics and Legislators to uncle ; 
 but this ere one 's most all poetry, and they say that stuff 
 belongs to the ladies. So I believe on the whole I shall 
 send it to you. Dont you be skeer'd now because I 've 
 11 
 
122 LETTERS OF 
 
 made some poetry,, for I dont think it '11 hurt me ; I dont 
 feel crazy nor nothing. But I '11 jest tell you how it 
 happened. Last night I was in the Legislator and they 
 sot out to make a law to tax old bacheldors. They tried 
 pretty hard to make it, and I thought one spell they 'd 
 get it. I felt kind of bad about it because I knew it 
 would bear so hard upon cousin Obediah. Well, I went 
 home and went to bed, and I dont know what the matter 
 was, but I had a kind of a queer night of it ; and when 
 I got up in the morning there was a soft sort of sickish 
 stuff kept running off of my tongue, jest like a stream 
 of chalk. Pray tell me what you think of it ; here it is. 
 
 I dreamed a dream in the midst of my slumbers, 
 
 And, as fast as I dream'd, it was coined into numbers, 
 
 My thoughts ran along in such beautiful metre, 
 
 I 'm sure I ne'er saw any poetry sweeter. 
 
 It seem'd that a law had been recently made, 
 
 That a tax on old bachelors' pates should be laid. 
 
 And in order to make them all willing to marry, 
 
 The tax was as large as a man could well carry. 
 
 The Bachelors grumbled, and said 't were no use, 
 
 'T was cruel injustice and horrid abuse, 
 
 And declar'd that to save their own heart's blood from spilling, 
 
 Of such a vile tax they would ne'er pay a shilling. 
 
 But the Rulers determined their scheme to pursue, 
 
 So they set all the bachelors up at vendue. 
 
 A crier was sent thro' the town to and fro, 
 
 To rattle his bell, and his trumpet to blow, 
 
 And to bawl out at all he might meet in the way, 
 
 " Ho ! forty old bachelors sold here to day," 
 
 And presently all the old maids in the town, 
 
 Each one in her very best bonnet and gown, 
 
 From thirty to sixty, fair, plain, red and pale, 
 
 Of every description, all flocked to the sale. 
 
 The auctioneer then in his labors began, 
 
 And called out aloud, as he held up a man, 
 
 " How much for a bachelor ? who wants to buy ? " 
 
 In a twink every maiden responded "I 1." 
 
 In short, at a hugely extravagant price, 
 
 The bachelors all were sold off in a trice ; 
 
 And forty old maidens, some younger, some older, 
 
 Each lugged an old bachelor home on her shoulder. 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 123 
 
 LETTER XXXI. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells how he got a new kink into his 
 head, in consequence of the blow-up of President Jack 
 son's Jirst Cabinet. 
 
 Portland, April 26, 1831. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA, I'm in considerable of a kind 
 of a flusteration to-day, because I've got a new scheme 
 in my head. New ideas, you know, are always apt to 
 give me the agitations a little ; so you mustn't wonder if 
 my letter this time does have some rather odd things in 
 it. I don't know when I've had such a great scheme in 
 my head afore. But you know I was always determined 
 to make something in the world, and if my friends '11 
 only jest stick by me, I shall make common folks stare 
 yet. Some thought it was a pretty bold push my trying 
 to get in to be governor last year ; and some have laughed 
 at me, and said I come out at the little end of the horn 
 about it, and that I'd better staid up to Downingville and 
 hoed potatoes, than to be fishing about for an office and 
 not get any more votes than I did. But they can't see 
 through a millstone so fur as I can. Altho' I didn't get 
 in to be governor, its made me known in the world, and 
 made considerable of a great man of me, so that 1 shall 
 stand a much better chance to get an office if I try 
 again. But I must make haste and tell you what I am 
 at, for I am in a great hurry. I guess you'll stare when 
 I tell you the next letter you'll get from me will be 
 dated at Washington, or else somewhere on the road 
 between here and there. 
 
 O, uncle, we have had some great news here from 
 Washington; every body's up in arms about it, and 
 can't hardly tell what to think of it. They say the 
 President's four great Secretaries have all resigned ; 
 
124 LETTERS OF 
 
 only think of that, uncle. And they say their salaries 
 were six thousand dollars a-year ; only jest think of that, 
 uncle. Six thousand dollars a year. Why, a govern 
 or's salary is a fool to it. On the whole, I'm glad I 
 didn't get the governor's office. I shall start for Wash 
 ington to-morrow morning ; or I don't know but 1 shall 
 *StttrT to night, it" 1 can" get ready, and travel all night. 
 Its best to be in season in such things, and I shall have 
 to go rather slow, for I've got pretty considerable short 
 of money, and expect I shall have to foot it part way. 
 I shall get there in about a fortnight, and I'm in hopes 
 to be in season to get one of them are offices. I think 
 it's the duty of all true republicans that have the good 
 of the country at heart, to take hold and help the Presi 
 dent along in these trying difficulties. For my part, I 
 am perfectly willing to take one of the offices, and I 
 hope some other good men will come right forward and 
 take the others. What a shame 'twas that them are 
 Secretaries should all clear out, and leave the poor old 
 General to do all the work alone. Why, uncle, they'd 
 no more patriotism than your old boss. 
 
 But I must n't stop to parley about it now ; what I want 
 to say is, I wish you to wriff; n rfrnmmpnrhtinn to the 
 President for me to have one of his offices, and go round 
 as quick as you can and get all our friends at Downing- 
 ville to sign it, and send it on to Washington as fast as 
 possible; for it would be no more than right that I should 
 show the President some kind of recommendation before 
 he gives me the office. I want you to tell the President 
 that I've always been one of his strongest friends; and 
 you know I always have spoke well of him, and in fact 
 he is the best President we ever had. It might be well for 
 you to quote this last sentence as an ' extract from a 
 letter of the Hon. Jack Downing.' It would give the 
 President some confidence in my friendship, and the 
 * Hon.' would convince him that I am a man of some 
 standing in this State. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 125 
 
 Now you keep up a good heart, uncle ; you have al 
 ways had to delve hard all your days up there on the 
 old farm, and you've done considerable to boost me up 
 into an office, and if I get hold of these six thousand 
 dollars a year, you shall have a slice out of it that will 
 make your old heels feel light again. I haven't named 
 it to a single soul here except cousin Sally, and I want 
 it to be kept a profound secret till I get the office, so as 
 to make them are chaps that have been a sneering at 
 me here, stare like an owl in a thunder shower. And, 
 besides, if it should leak out that I was going, I'm afraid 
 somebody else might get the start of me, for there are 
 always enough that have their mouths open when it 
 rains such rich porridge. But its like as not, the news 
 papers '11 blab it out before I get half way there. And 
 you needn't think strange, if you see some of the Boston 
 or New York papers in a few days saying, The Hon. 
 Jack Downing passed through this city yesterday, on his 
 way to Washington. It is rumored, that he is to be 
 called upon to fill one of the vacant offices.' But I must 
 stop, for it is time I was picking up my duds for a start. 
 Sally has been darning my stockings all the morning. 
 Love to Aunt and Cousin Nabby, and all of 'em. Good 
 by. Your loving nephew, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXXII. 
 
 In which cousin Sarah tells about cousin Jack's toes and 
 elbows. 
 
 Portland, April 29, 1831. 
 
 DEAR NABBY. One would suppose from Jack's letter 
 to Uncle, that I was doing all in my power to assist him 
 11* 
 
126 LETTERS OF 
 
 in prosecuting his ridiculous plans. But the truth is, 
 Penelope's trials with heir impatient lovers were nothing 
 compared to mine with Jack. When the news came of 
 the resignation of the members of the Cabinet at Wash 
 ington, I had not seen him for some weeks ; I sat by the 
 window sewing, when in came Jack, and O Nabby, I 
 shall despair of giving you a description. His toes and 
 elbows, you know, were always lovers of freedom, and 
 there they were peeping from their prison houses, so 
 demure and so wo-begone, it almost made my heart 
 ache. -Jack tried at first to make me swear secrecy; 
 but I refused, and told him if he could not rely upon my 
 discretion he better not say any thing. He seemed in 
 high spirits, called me a dear cousin, and then revealed 
 all his plans. I told him never to fear that I should di 
 vulge such ridiculous schemes ; so preposterous, I won 
 dered how they ever entered into the head of a Downing. 
 I exhausted all my powers of persuasion and argument, 
 to prevail upon him to let politics alone, and go back to 
 Downingville, and take care of his farm and his poor infirm 
 father and mother. He called me a little foolish school 
 girl, that did n't know which side my bread was buttered ; 
 said I had better stick to my books and such kind of 
 things, and let the business of the men alone ; what did I 
 know about politics ! I must mind my work like a good 
 gall, and when he was Secretary of State, he 'd give me as 
 fine Q.gownd and shorl as any lady in Portland wore. And 
 finally he insisted upon my going to work to mend his 
 old footings, and patch his coat. I told him they were 
 too much worn to be worth mending ; but he guessed 
 they 'd hold on till he got to Washington, and when he 
 got his six thousand dollars a year, he 'd have some new 
 ones, and send the old suit home to cousin Ephraim. 
 
 I laughed right out, and led him to the glass to see 
 what an elegant looking object he would be to stand be 
 fore the President of the United States. Jack could not 
 help laughing himself, but said the looks would make no 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 127 
 
 difference ; all President Jackson wanted was a good 
 man, arid one who had been firm in support of him. 
 
 I went to work, but with no very good will I assure you ; 
 and though Jack fretted and coaxed, I had no disposition 
 to hurry, and once when he went out to get the toes of 
 his shoes mended, I ventured to pick out all I had done. 
 It was of no use, for he was so eagerly determined to go, 
 that if I had not finished his coat, he would certainly 
 have started without it, for he said he could swop his 
 watch on the road any time for a new coat, or any one 
 would be willing to trust him for one till he procured his 
 salary, when he told his name. He says the President 
 must be aware of his integrity and high-minded patriot 
 ism, and will undoubtedly reserve one of the salaries for 
 him, as a compensation for his arduous public services. 
 The public papers, he says, will give him a lift in his pre 
 tensions, and there is no doubt but that he shall be suc 
 cessful. One thing is certain, the same town will never 
 hold Jack and me. He is always coming to me for ad 
 vice when he gets what he calls the * agitations,' and I 
 have talked myself almost into a consumption to infuse a 
 little common sense into him ; but all to no purpose, he 
 will ask advice and then do as he is a mind to. 
 Your loving cousin, 
 
 SARAH DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXXIII. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells about the talk he had with the 
 Boston Editors on his way to Washington. 
 
 City of New York, May 4, 1831. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA, I have got so fur at last, and 
 a pretty hard run I've had of it to get here, I can tell 
 
128 LETTERS OF 
 
 ye. This running after offices is pretty tuff work for 
 poor folks. Sometimes I think there aint much profit 
 in it after all, any more than there is in buying lottery 
 tickets, where you pay a dollar and sometimes get four 
 shillings back, and sometimes nothing. Howsomever I 
 dont mean to be discouraged yet, for if I should give out 
 now and go back again, them are sassy chaps in Port 
 land would laugh at me worse than they did afore. 
 What makes me feet kind of down hearted about it, is 
 because I've seen in the newspapers that tu of them are 
 good offices at Washington are gone a ready. One Mr 
 Livingston's got one of 'em, and Mr Woodbury that 
 lives up in New-Hampshire 's got tother, and I'm con 
 siderable afraid the others will be gone before I get 
 there. 
 
 I want you to be sure and get my recommendation 
 into the post-office as soon as you can, so it may get 
 there as soon as I do. It's a week to day since I started 
 from Portland, and if I have good luck I'm in hopes to 
 get there in about a week more. Any how, I shall 
 worry along as fast as I can. I have to foot it more 
 than three quarters of the way, because the stage folks 
 ask so much to ride, and my money's pretty near gone. 
 But if I can only jest get there before the offices are 
 gone I think I shall get one of 'em, for I got a good 
 string of recommendations in Boston as I come along. 
 I never thought of getting any recommendations of 
 strangers, till a man I was travelling with, kind of talked 
 round and round, and found out what I was after. 
 And then says he, if you want to make etit, you must 
 get the newspaper folks to give you a lift, for they 
 manage these matters. And he told me I better get 
 some of the Boston editors to recommend me, or it 
 would be no use for me to go. 
 
 I thought the man was more than half right, so when 
 I got into Boston I called round to see the editors. 
 They all seemed very glad to see me, when I told 'em 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 129 
 
 who I was ; and I never see a better set of true republi 
 cans any where in the State of Maine. And when I 
 told 'em that I was always a true republican, and my 
 father and grandfather were republicans before me, 
 they all talked so clever about patriotism, and our re 
 publican institutions, and the good of the people, that I 
 could n't help thinking it was a plaguy shame there 
 should be any such wicked parties as Federalists, or 
 Huntonites, or Jacksonites, to try to tare the country 
 to pieces and plague the republicans so. 
 
 This dont include President Jackson. He is n't a 
 Jacksonite, you know ; he 's a true republican as there 
 is in Downingville. I had a talk with the Boston Patriot 
 man first. He said he would give me a recommendation 
 with a good deal of pleasure ; and when I got my office 
 at Washington I must stick to the good old republican 
 cause like wax ; and if all true republicans were only 
 faithful to the country, Henry Clay, the republican can 
 didate, will come in all hollow. 
 
 He'll be next President, says he, jest as sure as your 
 name is Jack Downing. Then I went to see the editor 
 of the Boston Gazette. He said he certainly should be 
 very happy to give me a recommendation ; and he 
 trusted when I got to Washington where I should have 
 considerable influence, I should look well to the inte 
 rests of the republican party. He said there was an 
 immense sight of intrigue and underhand work going 
 on by the enemies of the country to ruin Mr Calhoun, 
 the republican candidate for President. But he said 
 they would'nt make out ; Mr Calhoun had found out 
 their tricks, and the republicans of old Virginny and 
 South Carolina were all up in arms about it, and if we 
 republicans in the northern states would only take hold 
 and fight for the good cause, Mr Calhoun would be elect 
 ed as true as the sun will rise to-morrow. 
 
 The next I went to see was the editor of the Boston 
 Statesman. He seemed to be a little shy of me at first, 
 
130 LETTERS OF 
 
 and was afraid I want a true republican ; and wanted to 
 know if I did n't run against Governor Smith last year 
 down there in Maine. I told him I had seen Governor 
 Smith a number of times in Portland, but I was sure I 
 never run against him in my life, and did n't think I 
 ever come within a rod of him. Well he wanted to 
 know if I was n't a candidate for Governor in opposition 
 to Mr Smith. I told him no, I was a candidate on the 
 same side. Was n't you, said he, looking mighty sharp 
 at me, was n't you one of the federal candidates for gov 
 ernor? My stars, uncle Joshua, I never felt my hair 
 curl quicker than it did then. My hand kind of draw'd 
 back and my fingers 'clinched as if I was jest agoing to 
 up fist and knock him down. To think that he should 
 charge me with being a federal candidate ! it was too 
 much for flesh and blood to bear. But I cooled down 
 as quick as I could, for fear it might hurt me about get 
 ting my office. I told him I never was a federal can 
 didate, and there never was a drop of federal blood in 
 me ; and I would run from a federalist if I should meet 
 one as quick as I would from poison. That's right, says 
 he, I like that, that's good stuff, and he catched hold of 
 my hand and gave it such a shake, I did n't know but 
 he'd a pull'd it off. 
 
 He said he would give me the best recommendation 
 he could write, and when I got to Washington I must 
 stick to the old Gineral like the tooth ache, for the 
 federalists were intriguing desperately to root him out 
 of his office and upset the republican party. If the re 
 publicans could only be kept together, he said President 
 Jackson, the republican candidate, could beelected as 
 easy as a cat could lick her ear ; but if we suffered our 
 selves to be divided it would be gone goose with us, and 
 the country would be ruined. So you must stick to the 
 re-election of Gineral Jackson, said he, at all events ; and 
 then he kind of whispered in my ear, and says he, in 
 case any thing should happen, if Gineral Jackson should 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 131 
 
 be sick or any thing, you must remember that Mr Van 
 Buren is the republican candidate. 
 
 I told him he never need to fear me ; I should stick 
 to the republican party thro' thick and thin. So I took 
 my recommendation and trudged along. I have n't time 
 to-day to tell you how I got along with the rest of the 
 editors, and a thousand other things that I met with 
 along by the way, and all the fine things in this great 
 city, and so on. But I shall write to you again soon. 
 Your loving neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 To Uncle Joshua Downing, Downingville, State of Maine. 
 
 LETTER XXXIV. 
 
 In which Mr Downing relates his interview with Major 
 Noah. 
 
 Washington City, May 30, 1831. 
 
 To ,the Portland Courier, if it ever gets there, away down east ni 
 the State of Maine, to be sent to Uncle Joshua Downing, up in 
 Downingvllle, with care and speed. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSH, I've got here at last, to this 
 great city where they make offices, and I'm determined 
 not to leave it till I get one. It is n't sich a great city 
 after all as New York, though they do a great deal more 
 business here than they do at New York. I dont mean 
 vessel business and trade, for there's no end to that in 
 New York, but in making offices and sich like ; and they 
 say its the most profitable business in the country. If a 
 man can get hold of a pretty good office, he can get 
 rich enough by it in three or four years, and not have to 
 work very hard neither. I tell you what, uncle, if I 
 
132 LETTERS OF 
 
 make out to my mind here, I shall come back again one 
 of these days in a rather guess way than what I come 
 on. I dont have to foot it again I'll warrant you, and 
 guess poor cousin Sally wont have to set up all night to 
 mend my coat and darn my stockings. You'll see me 
 coming dressed up like a lawyer, with a fine carriage 
 and three or four bosses. And then them are chaps in 
 Portland that used to laugh at me so about being Gov 
 ernor, may sneeze at me if they dare to, and if they 
 dont keep out of my way I'll ride right over 'em. I had 
 a pretty tuff time coming on here. Its a long tiresome 
 road through the Jarseys. I had to -stop twice to get 
 my shoes tapt, and once to get an old lady to sow up a 
 rip in my coat while I chopped wood for her at the door 
 to pay for it. But I shant mind all the hard work I've 
 had of it, if I can make out to come home rich. 
 
 I got a pretty good boost in Boston, as I writ you in 
 my last, by the editors giving me recommendations. But 
 it was nothing at all hardly to what I got in New York, 
 for they gave me a public dinner there. I cant think 
 what's the matter that it hasn't been published yet. Ma 
 jor Noah promised me he'djiave it all put into the New 
 York Courier and Enquirer the very next day after I 
 left New York, so that it should get to Washington as 
 soon as I did ; and now I've been here about a week 
 and it hasn't come yet. If it does'nt come soon, I shall 
 write an account of the dinner myself, and send it home 
 and get it put in the Portland Courier. It was a most 
 capital dinner, uncle ; I dont know as I ever eat hartier 
 in my life, for being pretty short of money I had pinch 
 ed rather close a day or two, and to tell the truth I was 
 as hungry as a bear. We had toasts and speeches and a 
 great many good things. I dont mean sich toast as they 
 put butter on to eat, but toast to drink. And they dont 
 exactly drink 'em neither ; but they drink the punch 
 and speak the toasts. 
 
 I cant think Major Noah meant to deceive me about 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 133 
 
 publishing the proceedings of the dinner, for he appear 
 ed to be a very clever man, though he was the funniest 
 chap that ever I see. There wasn't a man in New York 
 that befriended me more than he did ; and he talked to 
 me very candidly, and advised me all about how to get 
 an office. In the first place, says he, Mr Downing, you 
 cant get any kind of an office at Washington, unless you 
 are a true blue genuine democratic republican. I told 
 him I had recommendations coming to prove that I was 
 all that. They are very strict, says he, in regard to that 
 at Washington. If James Madison should apply for an 
 office at Washington, says he, he couldn't get it. What, 
 says I, him that was President ! for it kind of startled 
 me a little if such an old republican as he was couldn't 
 get an office. It's true, says he, if James Madison should 
 
 apply for an office he couldn't get it Why not, says 1 1 
 
 Because, says he, he has turned federalist. It's melan 
 choly to think, says he, how many good old republicans 
 at the south are turning federalists lately. He said he 
 was afraid there wasn't more than one true genuine old 
 democratic republican left in Virginny, and that was 
 old Mr Ritchie of the Richmond Enquirer ; and even 
 he seemed to be a little wavering since Mr Calhoun and 
 some others had gone over. 
 
 Well there's Mr Clay, says I, of Kentucky, I dont 
 think he'll ever flinch from the republican cause. Hen 
 ry Clay, says he, turning up his nose, why he's been a 
 federalist jjiis six years. No, no, Mr Downing, if you 
 think of going that gate, you may as well turn about and 
 go home again before you go any further. What gate, 
 says 1 1 Why to join the Clay party, says he. I told 
 him I never had sich a thought in my life ; I always be 
 longed to the republican party, and always meant to. 
 He looked rather good natured again when he heard 
 that ; and says he, do you know what the true republi 
 can doctrine is ? I told him I had always had some 
 kind of an idea of it, but I didn't know as I could ex- 
 
134 LETTERS OF 
 
 plain it exactly. Well, says he, I'll tell you ; it is to 
 support General Jackson for re-election, through thick 
 and thin. That is the only thing that will save the coun 
 try from ruin. And if general_Jackson should be un 
 well or any thing jest before election, so he could not 
 be a candidate, the true republican ^nr.trinp is to sup 
 port Mr Van Buren. I told him, very well, he might 
 depend upon my sticking to the republican party, all 
 weathers. Upon that he set down and wrote me a re 
 commendation to the President for an office, and it al 
 most made me blush to see what a master substantial 
 genuine republican he made me. I had a number more 
 capital recommendations at New York, but I havn't time 
 to tell you about 'em in this letter. Some were to Mr 
 Clay, and some to Mr Van Buren, and some to Mr Cal- 
 houn. I took 'em all, for I thought it was kind of un 
 certain whose hands I might fall into hereafter, and it 
 might be well enough to have two or three strings to 
 my bow. 
 
 I havn't called on the President yet, though I've been 
 here about a week. My clothes had got so shabby, I 
 thought I better hire out a few days and get slicked up 
 a little. Thrnp nf the offices that I come after are gone 
 slick enough, and the other one's been given away to 
 a Mr White, but" he wouldn't take it ; so I'm in hopes 
 I shall be able to get it. And if I dont get that, there's 
 some chance for me to get in to be Vice President, for 
 they had a great Jackson meeting here 'tother Bay, and 
 they kicked Mr Calhoun right out doors, and said they 
 wouldn't have him for Vice President no longer. Now 
 some say they think I shall get it, and some think Mr 
 Van Buren '11 get it. 
 
 Howsomever, I feel pretty safe, for Maj. Noah told 
 me if I couldn't get any thing else, the President could 
 easily make a foreign mission for me. I shall call on 
 the good old Gineral in two or three days and find out 
 what my hick is, and then I shall let you know. Give 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 135 
 
 my love to ant and cousin Nabby, and all of 'em. It 
 makes me feel kind of bad when I think how fur I've 
 got from home. Your loving neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING, 
 
 LETTER XXXV. 
 
 In which Mr Downing tells how he stript up his sleeves and 
 defended Mr Ingham on his front door-steps during the 
 after-dap that followed the blow-up of the Cabinet. 
 
 Washington City, June 21, 1831. 
 
 To the Portland Courier again away down there in the State of 
 Maine, to be sent to Uncle Joshua Downing, up in Downingville, 
 or else to Cousin Nabby, it is n't much matter which, being that 
 some of it is about the ladies. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSH. - It's pretty trying times here. 
 They carry on so like the old smoker, I dont hardly know 
 what to make of it. If I had n't said I would n't leave 
 Washington till I got an office, I dont know but I should 
 come back to Downingville and go to planting potatoes. 
 Them are Huntonites and Jacksonites down there in 
 Maine last winter were pretty clever sort of folks to what 
 these chaps are here. Cause down there if they got ever 
 so mad, they did n't do nothing but talk and jaw one 
 another ; but here if any body does n't do to suit 'em, 
 fact they '11 up and shoot him in a minute. I did n't 
 think getting an office was such dangerous kind of busi 
 ness, or 1 dont know as I should have tried it. How- 
 somever, it's neck or nothing with me now, and I must 
 do something to try to get some money here, for I about 
 as lieves die as to undertake to foot it away back again 
 clear to the State of Maine. And as the folks have to go 
 armed here, I want you to put my old fowling piece into 
 the stage and send it on here as quick as possible. I 
 
136 LETTERS OF 
 
 hope you'll be as quick as you can about it, for if I get 
 an office I shant dare to take it till I get my gun. They 
 come pretty near having a shooting scrape here yester 
 day. The Telegraph paper said something about Mr 
 Eaton's wife. It was nothing that I should think they 
 need to make such a fuss about ; it only said that some 
 of the ladies here refused to visit her. But some how or 
 other it made Mr Eaton as mad as a March hair. He 
 declared he'd fight somebody, he did n't care who. 
 
 The first man he happened to come at was Mr Ingham. 
 So he dared Mr Ingham out to fight. Not to box, as 
 they do sometimes up in Downingville, but to stand arid 
 shoot at each other. But Mr Ingham would n't touch to, 
 and told him he was crazy. That made Mr Eaton ten 
 times more mad than he was before ; and he declared 
 he'd flog him any how, whether he was willing or not. 
 So he got a gang of gentlemen yesterday to go with him 
 to the Treasury office where Mr Ingham does his wri 
 ting, and waited there and in a grog shop close by as 
 much as two hours for a chance to catch him and give it 
 to him. Mr Ingham was out a visiting in the city, and 
 when he got home his folks told him what was going on, 
 and begged him not to go to the office for he would cer 
 tainly be killed. Poh, says he, do you think I'm afraid 
 of them are blustering chaps ? There's more smoke than 
 fire there, I can tell ye ; give me my pistols, it is time for 
 me to go to the office. Some of the ladies cried, and some 
 almost fainted away. But he pacified 'em as well as he 
 could, and then set out for the office, and three or four 
 men went with him, and I guess they carried something 
 under their arms that would make daylight shine through 
 a feller pretty quick. And I guess the gang of gentle 
 men waiting for him begun to smell a rat, for they clear 
 ed out pretty soon and never touched him. But their 
 courage came again in the evening, and this same gang 
 of gentlemen turned out and marched up to Mr Ingham's 
 house, and threatened to burst the doors open and drag 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 137 
 
 him out by the hair of the head and skin him alive. I 
 thought this was carrying the joke rather too far, so I 
 tho't I'd put in my oar; for when I see any body run 
 upon too hard I cant help taking their part. 
 
 So I stepped up on to Mr Ingham's front door steps, 
 and threw my hat down, and rolled up my sleeves, and 
 spit on my hands ; and by that time the chaps began to 
 stare at me a little. And now, says I, Major Eaton, this 
 is quite too bad. A man's house is his castle. Here's 
 Mr Ingham in his house as peaceable as a lamb ; he is 
 n't a meddling with nobody, and you need n't think to 
 drag him out here to-night, I can tell ye. If you really 
 want to take a bit of a box, just throw away your pow 
 der and ball, and here's the boy for you. I'll take a fist 
 or two with you and glad of the chance. You impudent 
 scoundrel, says he, who are you ? what business is, it to 
 you what I done ? Clear out, or I'll send you where you 
 ought to been long ago. Well, then, you'll send me into 
 some good office, says I, for there's where I ought to 
 have been more than two years ago. Well, says he, 
 clear out, and up he come blustering along towards the 
 steps. But I jest put my foot down, and doubled up my 
 fist, and now, says I, Mnjn r F.atnn, \i ^nnt he Jiealthy for 
 you to come on to thpg 
 
 Says he, I'm going through that door whether or no. 
 Says I, you dont go through this door to-night, without 
 you pass over the deajjhnHv^nf Jft.rb. JJvwning ojjhe State 
 of Maine. My stars, when they heard that, they dropt 
 their heads as quick as though they had been cut off, for 
 they did n't know who I was before. Major Eaton and 
 the whole gang of gentlemen with him turned right about 
 and marched away as still as a pack of whipped puppies. 
 They were afraid I should have 'em all up before the 
 President to-day, and have 'em turned out of office ; for 
 it's got whispered round the city that the President sets 
 a great deal by me, and that I have a good deal of influ 
 ence with him. 
 
 12* 
 
138 LETTERS OF 
 
 This morning Mr Ingham started for Philadelphy. 
 Before he left, he thanked me a thousand times for de 
 fending his house so well last night, and he wrote a letter 
 to the President, telling him all about the scrape. I went 
 a piece with him to see him safe out of the city on the 
 great road towards Baltimore. 
 
 About my prospects for an office, I cant tell you yet 
 how I shall come out. I've been in to see the President 
 a number of times, arid he talks very favorable. I have 
 some chance to get in to be Secretary of War, if old 
 Judge White dont take it ; and if I dont get that the 
 President says he '11 do the best he can for me. 
 
 I never had to be so strict a republican before in my 
 life as I've had to be since I've been here in order to get 
 the right side of the President. I'll tell you something 
 about it in my next, and about my visits to the President, 
 and a good many other famous things here. 
 
 P. S. Be sure and send the old gun as quick as possi 
 ble. Your loving neffu, 
 
 JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXXVI. 
 
 In which Cousin Epliraim tells about the persecution of 
 poor Mrs No-tea. 
 
 TROUBLE IN DOWNINGV1LLE. 
 
 To cousin Jack Downing, down to Portland, if he's got back, if he 
 hasn't I want the Portland Courier to send this on to Washing 
 ton. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN JACK. Your uncle Joshua has been 
 turned out of General Combs' employ only jest because 
 your cousin Naby, Mrs Inkhorn, and Mrs Thimblebury, 
 and a few other of the topping-folks, wouldn't invite 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 139 
 
 poor Mrs No-tea to their husking and quilting parties. 
 I had a long talk with the General t'other day he was 
 hopping mad, and declared he would turn every man 
 and woman off of his farm and out of his mills rather 
 than that good woman should be treated in the manner 
 she had been. She was as good as the best of 'em any 
 day, and he could prove it. He didn't care so much 
 about her going to their afternoon visits when they went 
 sociable without stays, and took their knitting-work and 
 got home again before milking time ; but when there 
 was a grand husking or quilting, he thought it pesky 
 hard and lonely for her to stay at home, while every 
 body else in Downingville was trying the double shuffle 
 and the cutting out jigg. I tho't so too; but I told the 
 General it was no use for him to make such a fuss about 
 it ; that he had better attack old Ticonderogue in front 
 and rear than undertake to make women haw or jee 
 if they want a mind to they always would have ( their 
 own way in spite of every body and Tom Walker be 
 sides, and the less he had to do with them the better. 
 With that he up and smashed his pipe into the fire-place 
 and stompt like fury and bedlame. 
 
 I scampered off in less than no time to inform you 
 how matters were going. You had better come up and 
 try to put things to rights. 
 
 As you have no wife nor children, I think you can 
 manage affairs more to your own and the General's 
 liking than any one else of the family. 
 
 Your luvin cousin, 
 
 EPHRAIM. 
 
140 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER XXXVII. 
 
 Mr Downing receives a Captain's Commission in the United 
 States Army with orders to go and protect the inhab 
 itants of MadawasJca. 
 
 Washington City, the 20th day of Oct. 1831. 
 
 To the Portland Courier away down in the State of Maine, to be 
 sent to Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville, this with 
 care and speed, and dont let any body see it. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSH, I've got it at last as true as you're 
 alive, and now I dont keer a snap for the fattest of 'em. 
 I'll teach them are young chaps down to Portland that 
 used to poke fun at me so because I did n't get in to be 
 Governor, that they must carry a better tongue in their 
 heads, or they '11 find out who they are talking to. I 
 guess they'll find out by and by it wont be healthy for 
 'em to poke fun at an officer of my rank. Ajid as for 
 Jemime Parsons that married the school master winter 
 before last, when she had promised as fair as could be 
 that she would have me, she may go to grass for what I 
 keer ; I would n't have her now no more than I'd have 
 a Virginriy nigger. And I guess when she comes to see 
 me with my regimentals on she'll feel sorry enough, and 
 wish her cake was dough again. Now she's tied down 
 to that clodpole of a school master, that was 'nt fit for a 
 school master neither, for he has had to go to hoeing po 
 tatoes for a living, and much as ever he can get potatoes 
 enough to keep 'em from starving, when if she had only 
 done as she had promised, she might now be the wife of 
 Capt. Jack Downing of the United States Army. But 
 let her go ; as I said afore, I dont care a snap for her or 
 all old White's cattle. I'll tell you what 'tis uncle, I feel 
 about right now. It seems to me I could foot it home 
 in two days, for my feet never felt half so light before. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 141 
 
 There's nothing like trying, in this world, uncle ; any 
 body that tries can be something or other, if he dont get 
 discouraged too soon. When I came on here, you 
 know, I expected to get one of the great Secretaries' 
 offices ; but the good old President told me they had got 
 him into such a hobble about them are offices that he 
 could n't give me one of 'em if he was to die. But he 
 treated me like a gentleman, and I shall always vote for 
 him as long as I live, and I told him so. And when he 
 found out that I was a true genuine republican, says he, 
 Mr Downing, you must be patient, and I'll bear you in 
 mind, and do something for you the very first chance. 
 And you may depend upon it Mr Downing, he added 
 with a good deal of earnestness, I never desert my 
 friends, let that lying Stephen Simpson of Philadelphy 
 say what he will about it, a good for nothing ungrateful 
 dog. And he fetched a stomp with his foot and his eyes 
 kind of flashed so fiery, that I could n't help starting 
 back, for I did n't know but he was going to knock me 
 over. But he look'd pleasant again in a minute, and 
 took me by the hand, and now, says he, Mr Downing, I 
 give you my honor that I'll do something for you as soon 
 as I possibly can. I told him I hoped he would be as 
 spry as he could about it, for I had but jest ninepence 
 left, and I did n't know how I should get along very well, 
 in a strange place too. But he told me never to mind 
 that at all ; I might come and eat my meals at his house 
 whenever I'd a mind to, or he would be bondsman for 
 my board where I put up. So I've worked along from 
 that time to this, nearly four months, as well as I could, 
 sometimes getting a little job of garden-work, and some 
 times getting a little wood to saw, and so on, nearly 
 enough to pay my expenses. I used to call and see the 
 President once in a while, and he always told me I must 
 be patient and keep up a good heart, the world was n't 
 made in one day, and something would turn up for me 
 by and by. But fact, after digging, and sawing, and 
 
142 LETTERS OF 
 
 waiting four months, my patience got most wore out, 
 and I was jest upon the point of giving up the chase, 
 and starting off for Downingville with the intention of 
 retiring to private life ; when last night, about seven 
 o'clock, as I sot eating a bowl of bread and milk for my 
 supper, a boy knocked at the door and wanted to see 
 Mr Downing. So they brought him into the room where 
 I was, and says he, Mr Downing, the President wants to 
 see you for something very particular, right away this 
 evening. My heart almost jump'd right up in my mouth. 
 My spoon dropt out of my hand, and to eat another 
 mouthful I could n't if I was to starve. I flew round, 
 and washed my face and hands, and combed my head, 
 and brushed up as well as I could, and should have look 
 ed tolerable spruce if it had n't been for an unlucky hole 
 in the knee of my trouses. What to do I did not know. 
 It made me feel bad enough I can tell you. The woman 
 where I boarded said she would mend them for me if I 
 would take them off, but it would take her till about nine 
 o'clock, and the President was waiting for me, and there 
 'twas. Such a hobble I never was in before. But this 
 woman is a kind good creature as ever was ; she boards 
 me for four and sixpence a week, considering that I 
 split wood for her, and bring water, and do all sich kind 
 of chores. And she always had some contrivance to get 
 out of every difficulty ; and so she handed me a neat 
 little pocket handkerchief and told me to tie that round 
 my knee. Being thus rigged out at last, I started off as 
 fast as I could go for the President's. 
 
 When I went into his room, the old gentleman was 
 setting by a table with his spectacles on, and two great 
 lamps burning before him, and a bundle of letters and 
 papers in his hand. He started up and took me by the 
 hand, and says he, good evening Mr Downing, I 'm very 
 glad to see you ; you are the very man I want now, 
 above all others in the world. But how is this, said he ? 
 looking at my knee. Not lame, I hope 1 That would 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 143 
 
 be a most unfortunate thing in this critical moment. It 
 would knock my plan in the head at once. I felt kind 
 of blue, and I guess I blushed a little ; but I turned it 
 off as well as I could ; I told him I was n't lame at all, 
 it was nothing but a slight scratch, and by to-morrow 
 morning I should be as well as ever I was in my life. 
 Well then says he, Mr Downing, set down here and see 
 what I 've got to tell you. The old gentleman sef him 
 self back in his chair and pushed his spectacles up on 
 his forehead and held up the letter in his hand, and says 
 he, Mr Downing, here is a letter from Governor Smith 
 of Maine, and now Sir, I Ve got something for you to do. 
 You see now that I was sincere when I told you if you 
 would be patient and stick to the republican text, I would 
 look out for you one of these days. I 'm always true to 
 my friends ; that lying Stephen Simpson might have had 
 an office before now if he had behaved himself. 
 
 Well, dear sir, said I, for I felt in such a pucker to 
 know what I was going to get that I could n't stand it 
 any longer, so says I, what sort of business is it you 've 
 got for me to do ? Says he, Mr Downing, I take it you 
 are a man of courage ; I have always thought so ever 
 since you faced Mr. Eaton so boldly on Mr. Ingham's 
 door steps. Tho' I was sorry your courage was not dis 
 played in a better cause, for that Ingham is a rascal after 
 all. I told him as for courage I believed I had some of 
 the stuff about me when there was any occasion for it, 
 and that I never would stand by and see any body 
 abused. Well, says, he, we must come to the point, for 
 the business requires haste. 
 
 Governor Smith writes me that there are four of your 
 fellow citizens of Maine in ji British jail at Frederictcjk 
 who have been taken from tneir farms by .British con- 
 stables and sheriffs and other officers and carried off by 
 force to prison. By this time my very hair begun to 
 curl, I felt so mad, and I could n't help jumping up and 
 smiting my fists together, and saying pretty hard things 
 
144 LETTERS OP 
 
 about the British. Well, says the President, I like your 
 spunk Mr Downing ; you 're jest the man I want in this 
 business. I 'm going to give you a captain's commission 
 in the United States' army, and you must go down there 
 and set that business right at Madawaska. 
 
 You must go to Maine and raise a company of volun- 
 jeers, as quick as possible, tell 'em 1 '11 see 'em paid^ 
 and you must inarch down to Fredericton and demand 
 the prisoners, and if they are not given up you must 
 force the jail, and if the British make any resistance 
 you must fire upon them and bring the prisoners off at 
 some rate or other. Then write me and let me know 
 how affairs stand, and I '11 give you further orders. At 
 any rate you must see that the rights of Maine are well 
 protected, for that state has come round so in my favor 
 since last year I 'm determined to do every thing I can 
 for them ; I tell you Mr Downing, I never desert my 
 friends. So after he gave me the rest of my orders, and 
 my commission, and a pocket full of money, and told 
 me to be brave and if I wanted any thing to let him 
 know, he bid me good night, and I went home. But I 
 could n't sleep a wink all night. I was up before day 
 light this morning, and I 've got two women to work for 
 me to day fixing up my clothes, and I shall be ready to 
 start to morrow morning. I want you to keep this mat 
 ter pretty still till I get there, except that you my let 
 cousin Ephraim know it and get him to volunteer some 
 of the Downingville boys for my company. I want to 
 get them pretty much all there if I can, for I know what 
 sort of stuff the Downingville boys are made of, and 
 shall know what I 've got to depend upon. 
 In haste, your loving neffu, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 145 
 
 LETTER XXXVIII. 
 
 In which Captain Downing describes his return to Down 
 ingville, after an absence of two years. 
 
 Downingville, Nov. 8, 1831. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, YOU. I got home to Downing 
 ville last night after an absence of nearly two years. I 
 meant to stop at Portland as I come on from Washing 
 ton, but some how or other, I got into the wrong stage 
 somewhere in New Hampshire, and come the upper 
 road before I knew it. So the first thing I knew, when 
 I thought I had got almost to Portland, I found myself 
 plump in Downingville. But the dear folks were all so 
 glad to see me, I didn't feel much sorry. Cousin Nabby 
 hopped right up and down, like a mouse treed in a flour 
 barrel ; and Ephraim snapped his thumb and finger, 
 and spit on his hands as though he had a cord of wood 
 to chop ; and poor ant Keziah set down and cried as 
 much as two hours steady. Uncle Joshua catched down 
 his pipe, and made the smoke roll out well ; I never saw 
 him smoke so fast before in my life ; he finished two 
 pipes full of tobacco in less than five minutes. I felt 
 almost like a fool myself, and had to keep winking and 
 swallowing, or I should have cried as hard as any of 
 'em. But you know it wouldn't do for a captain to cry, 
 especially when he was going to enlisting soldiers. 
 
 Well, I must hurry along with my letter, for I haven't 
 got much time to write to-day. I have been round 
 among the folks in Downingville this forenoon to see 
 how they felt about the Madawaska business, and whe 
 ther any of 'em would go a sogering down there with 
 me. I find some of 'em are right up about it, and ready 
 13 
 
146 LETTERS OF 
 
 to shoulder their guns and march to-morrow if I say the 
 word, and others are a little offish. 
 
 I guess I shall get about half enough for a company 
 here pretty easy, and if I find it hard dragging to pick 
 up the rest, I shall come right down to Portland to fill 
 up my company there. For uncle Joshua tells me he 
 has had some letters from Portland within a few days, 
 and he says there are a number of chaps down there as 
 warm as mustard about going to war down to Mada- 
 waska, and are only waiting for a good chance to list, 
 and some of 'em he thinks will make capital sargents 
 and corporals. I should be glad if you would send me 
 word whether you think I could pick up some good lusty 
 fellows there in case I should want 'em. I pay a month's 
 wages cash down. But there is tme subject that I feel 
 rather uneasy about, and that is the greatest reason of 
 my writing you to-day, to see if you can tell me any 
 thing about it. Last night uncle Joshua and I sot up 
 talking politicks pretty late, after all the rest of the folks 
 had gone to bed. I told him all about one thing another 
 at Washington, and then we talked about the affairs of 
 this State. 
 
 I found uncle Joshua didn't stand jest where he used 
 to. You know once he was a little might in favor of Mr 
 Huritoon ; and then, when I was up for Governor, he 
 was altogether in favor of me ; and then he was pretty 
 near equally balanced between Mr Smith and Mr Goode- 
 now ; but now, when I come to talk with him, I found 
 he was all plump over on the democratic republican 
 side. You know I've been leaning that way tu, ever 
 since I got in to be good friends long with President 
 Jackson. So says I, Well, uncle, our party is strong 
 enough now to carry all afore 'em in this State. I guess 
 governor Smith will have more than three quarters of 
 the votes next time. At which uncle turned round to 
 wards me, and rolled up his great eyes over his specta 
 cles, and took his pipe out of his mouth and put on a 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 147 
 
 mighty knowing look, and says he, Jack, jest between 
 you and me, a much better man and a much greater repub 
 lican than Gov. Smith, will be Governor of the State of 
 Maine after another election. 
 
 I was kind of struck with a dunderment. I sot and 
 looked at him as much as two minutes, and he all the 
 time looked as knowing as a fox. At last, says I, Uncle, 
 what do you mean 1 Didn't all the democratic republi 
 can papers in the State, when Gov. Smith was elected, 
 say he was the very best republican there was in the 
 State for Governor ? Well, well, Jack, said he, mark 
 my words, that's all. But, said I, uncle, what makes 
 you think so ? O, said he, I have read the Argus and 
 the Bangor Republican, and I have had a letter from a 
 man that knows all about it, and when the time comes 
 you'll see. And that was all I could get out of him. 
 Now I wish you would let me know what this mystery 
 means. And I remain your old friend, 
 
 CAPT, JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XXXIX, 
 
 Captain D owning' s first Military Report to the President. 
 
 Madawaska, Nov. 15, 1831. 
 
 To his Excellency, Gineral Jackson, President of the United 
 
 States, Sfc. 
 
 MY GOOD OLD SIR. The prisoners arejnitjind no 
 blood spilt yet. I had prepared to give the British a 
 most terrible battle, if they hadn't let 'em out. I guess 
 I should made 'em think old Bonapart had got back 
 among 'em again, for a keener set of fellows than my 
 company is made up of never shouldered a musket or 
 trod shoe-leather. I was pesky sorry they let 'em out 
 quite so soon, for I really longed to have a brush with 
 
148 LETTERS OF 
 
 'em ; and how they come to let 'em go I dont know, 
 unless it was because they heard I was coming. And I 
 expect that was the case, for the prisoners told me the 
 British Minister at Washington, sent on some kind of 
 word to governor Campbell, and I suppose he told him 
 how I had got a commission, and was coming down 
 upon New Brunswick like a Jiarrycane. 
 
 If I could only got down there a little sooner and fit 
 sich a great battle as you did at New Orleans, my 
 fortune would have been made for this world. I should 
 have stood a good chance then to be President of the 
 United States, one of these days. And that's as high as 
 ever I should want to get. I got home to Downingville 
 in little more than a week after I left you at Wash 
 ington, for having a pretty good pocket full of money. 
 and knowing that my business was very important I 
 rid in the stage most all the way. I spose I needn't 
 stop to tell you how tickled all my folks were to see me. 
 I did'nt know for awhile but they'd eat me up. But I 
 spose that's neither here nor there in making military 
 reports, so I'll go on. I found no difficulty in getting 
 volunteers. I believe I could have got nearly half the 
 State of Maine to march if I had wanted 'em. But as 
 I only had orders to list one good stout company, I took 
 'em all in Downingville, for I rather trust myself with 
 olne hundred genuinerDowningville boys, than five hun 
 dred of your common run. I took one supernumerary 
 however, when I got to Bangor. The editor of the 
 Bangor Republican was so zealous to go, and said he'd 
 fight so to the last drop of his blood, that I could'nt 
 help taking him, so I appointed him supernumerary 
 corporal. Poor fellow, he was so disappointed when he 
 found the prisoners were out that he fairly cried for 
 vexation. He's for having me go right on now and give 
 all New Brunswick a real thrashing. 
 
 But I know what belongs to gineralship better than 
 that; I haven't had my orders yet. Well, after we 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 149 
 
 left Bangor we had a dreadful rough and tumble sort of 
 a journey, over rocks and mountains and rivers and 
 swamps and bogs and meadows, and through long pieces 
 of woods that I did n't know as we should find the way 
 out. But we got through at last, and arrived here at 
 Madawaska day before yesterday. I thought I better 
 come this way and make a little stop at Madawaska to 
 see if the prisoners' wives and little ones were in want 
 of any thing and then go down to Fredericton and blow 
 the British ski high. 
 
 When our company first came out in sight in Mada 
 waska, they thought it was the British coming to catch 
 some more of 'em ; and such^Lac^ttermg and scarnper- 
 ing I guess you never see. The men flew into ifie 
 woods like a flock of sheep with forty dogs after 'em, 
 and the women catched their babies up in their arms 
 and run from one house to another screeching and 
 screaming enough to make the woods ring again. But 
 when they found out we were United States troops come 
 to help 'ern, you never see any body so glad. They all 
 cried for joy then. The women run into the woods and 
 called for their husbands to come back again, for there 
 was nobody there that would hurt them, and back they 
 came and treated us with the best they had in their 
 houses. And while we sot chatting, before the women 
 hardly got their tears wiped up, one of 'em looked up 
 towards the woods and screamed outj/ftere c&mes thf^pri- 
 soner^- Some turned pale a little, thinking it might be 
 flTelr ghosts, but in a minute in they come, as good flesh 
 and blood as any of us, and then the women had an 
 other good crying spell. 
 
 I asked one of the prisoners how they got away, for 
 I thought you would want to know all about it ; and 
 says he we come away on our legs. Did you break out 
 of jail, said 1 1 I guess there was no need of that, said 
 he, for we want locked in half the time. Did you knock 
 down the guard, said I, and fight your way out I 
 13* 
 
150 LETTERS OF 
 
 Humph ! said he, I guess we might have hunted one 
 while before we could find a guard to knock down. 
 Nobody seemed to take any care of us, if we wanted a 
 drop of grog we had to go out and buy it ourselves. 
 Well but, said I, if you were left in such a loose state as 
 that, why did you not run away before ? Tut, said he, 
 shrugging up his shoulders, I guess we knew what we 
 were about ; the longer we staid there the more land 
 the state of Maine would give us to pay us for being 
 put in jail, but when they turned us out of jail, and 
 would 'nt keep us any longer, we thought we might as 
 well come home. 
 
 And now, my good old sir, since matters are as they 
 are, I shall take up my headquarters here at Madawaska 
 for the present, and wait for further orders. I shall 
 take good care of the people here, and keep every thing 
 in good order, and not allow a single New Brunswicker 
 to come any where within gun-shot. As for that Leften- 
 ant Governor, Mr Archibald Campbell, he better keep 
 himself scarce ; if he shows his head here again, I shall 
 jest put him into a meal bag and send him to Wash 
 ington. I shall expect to hear from you soon, and as I 
 shall have to be here sometime, I dont know but you had 
 better send me on a little more money. My uniform got 
 rather shattered coming through the woods, and it will 
 cost me something to get it fixt up again. 
 
 This from your old friend and humble servant, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 151 
 
 LETTER XL. 
 
 Capt. Downing visits the Legislature of Maine again. 
 
 Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 4, 1832. 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, Here I am right among the 
 Legislator folks, jest as I used to be down there to Port 
 land. I got here last night after a pretty hard journey 
 from Madawaska, rather lame, and my feet and ears 
 froze pretty bad. I hope I shant lose any one of 'em, 
 for if I should lose my feet I should n't stand much 
 of a fag with the British down there to Fredericton 
 in case we should have a brush with 'em. And all 
 my hopes about ever being President of the United 
 States depends on the woful whipping I 'm going to give 
 the British. And I 'm afraid I should n't be much bet 
 ter off if I should lose my ears, for a President without 
 ears would eut rather a sorry figure there to Washington. 
 I sent on to the old President to see if he would let me 
 have a furlough to come up to Augusta, while, 
 laters were here, for I thought I could n't stan it without 
 Heing here to see how they get along. The President 
 said he did n't think there would be any fighting down 
 to Madawaska before the spring opens, so he did n't 
 care if I went. I jest hobbled into the Legislator to-day 
 to see 'em chuse officers ; but I have n't any time to tell 
 you what a great fine house they 've got into. I believe 
 it 's vastly better than the one they had to Portland 
 though. And I guess there '11 be no stopping the 
 wheels of government this year, for I believe they have 
 got the house fixed so as to carry the wheels by steam.*_ 
 
 * Note. The State House being new and the walls not dried, 
 when fires came to be made in the rooms, it filled them with thick 
 vapor for several days, which led Capt. Downing to suppose the 
 Legislature was going by steam. 
 
152 LETTERS OF 
 
 They got the steam up before I went in, and it was so 
 thick sometimes, that I should think the wheels might go 
 like a buzz. 
 
 They told me there was a good many new members, 
 and a good many more of 'em, than there was last year ; 
 so I did n't know as I should see hardly any body that 
 I knew. But I never was more agreeably disappointed 
 in my life than I was by the first voice I heard calling 
 the members to order. 
 
 I knew it as quick as I could tell the fife and drum of 
 my own company at Madawaska. And if I should hear 
 that fife and drum this very minute it would n't give a 
 pleasanter thrill to my feelings. 1 look'd round and sure 
 enough there was the sandy honest look, and the large 
 fleshy figure, of my old friend Mr. Kuowlton of Mont- 
 ville, holding a broad brimmed hat in his hand, and call 
 ing upon the great jam of folks to come to order. I 
 could n't hardly help crowding right in among 'em to 
 shake hands with him, I was so glad to see him. But 
 as I was only a lobby member I thout it would n't do. 
 
 But I '11 tell you what 't is, you may depend upon the 
 business going off glibb here this winter ; for having a 
 building go by steam and Mr Knowlton here too to drive 
 it, it aint all the Jacksonites and Huntonites in the state 
 that can stop it. And besides I cant find out as yet that 
 there is any more than one party here ; if there should 
 be hereafter, I '11 let you know. I was glad they chose 
 Mr White to be speaker, for he 's always so good natured 
 and uses every body so well, I cant help liking him. I 
 have n't been in the Sinnet yet, but they say Mr Dunlap 
 is President. I was in hopes to see Elder Hall here this 
 winter, but I believe he has n't come. 
 Your old Friend, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 153 
 
 LETTER XLI. 
 
 Progress of proceedings in the Legislature. 
 
 Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 19, 1832. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND. If I could n't write to you 
 once in a while, I don't know but I should die. When 
 any thing has kept me from writing two or three weeks, 
 I get in such a taking it seems as though I should split, 
 and the only way I can get relief is to take my pen and 
 go at it. The reason why you have n 7 t heard from me 
 this fortnight past, is this dreadful furenza. We've all 
 got it here, and it's nothing but cough, cough, the whole 
 time. If a member gets up to speak, they all cough at 
 him. If he says any thing that they like, they cough at 
 it ; and if he says any thing that they dont like, they 
 cough at it. So let him say what he will they keep a 
 steady stream of coughing. I've been amost sick for a 
 week. Some days I want hardly able to set up. But 
 I'm getting cleverly now, and I hope I shall be able to 
 let you hear from me once or twice a week during the 
 session. 
 
 The wheels of government go pretty well this winter. 
 Some say that some folks have tried to trig 'em two or 
 three times, but I dont hardly think that is the case, for 
 they havn't been stopt once. And, as I said in my last let 
 ter, if my friend Mr Knowlton stands as foreman, and 
 keeps his broad shoulders to the wheels, I dont believe 
 they will stop this winter. By the way, I made a little 
 small mistake about Mr Rnowlton's hat. I should n't have 
 thought it worth while to mention it again, if the Augusta 
 Courier of this morning had n't spoke of it as though I 
 did n't mean to tell the truth. Now you know Mr Edi 
 tor, I would n't be guilty of tellng a falsehood for my 
 
154 LETTERS OF 
 
 right hand. When Mr Knovvlton called the members to 
 order the first day of the session, I certainly thought I 
 saw him holding in his hand a broad brimmed white hat. 
 It might be my imagination, remembering how he used 
 to look, or it might possibly be the hat of the member 
 standing by the side of him, for I was some ways off. 
 
 I'm pesky fraid the general government may settle that 
 hash down there to Madawaska as Mr Netherlands that 
 they left out to, recommended. If they should I'm afraid 
 my jig would be up about fighting a battle very soon, or 
 getting in to be President. 
 
 Our party's got into a dreadful kind of a stew here 
 about who shall be next Senator to Congress and one 
 thing another. We've got into such a snarl about it, 
 I'm afraid we never shall get unravelled again without 
 cutting off the tangles, and that would divide us so we 
 never should hold together in the world. I wrote to the 
 Argus yesterday, to be sure not to reply to the Age for 
 its ungentlemanly remarks about Judge Preble, and hope 
 it will be prudent enough to follow my recommendation. 
 We must try to hush these matters up, or it '11 be the 
 death of the party. I've had a serious talk with friend 
 Ruggles, and am in hopes he'll put his hand over the 
 Thomaston paper and not let it belch out any thing that 
 our enemies can make a handle of. And I guess we 
 shall have a caucus and try to put a cooler on the Ban- 
 gor Republican and the Age. 
 
 The Legislaters like Augusta considerable well, if it 
 did n't cost 'em so much more than it did in Portland for 
 a living. Such as had to pay two dollars and a half in 
 Portland for board have to pay three arid four dollars 
 here. When I was in Portland, I used to get boarded 
 for seven and six pence a week, and here the cheapest 
 I could get boarded any where, was ten and sixpence. 
 The Augusta Courier last week said something about the 
 folks here giving me a public dinner. I should like it 
 pretty well, for I have rather slim dinners where I 
 board. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 155 
 
 If you see cousin Sally, I wish you'd jest ask her if 
 she has time before and after school, if she'll knit me a 
 pair of footings and send 'em up by the stage-driver, for 
 mine have got pretty full of holes, and I have n't any 
 body here to mend 'em. 
 
 Your old friend, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XLII. 
 
 Capt. Downing is suddenly called to his company at 
 awaska. 
 
 Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 23, 1832. 
 To the, Editor of the Portland Courier, again. 
 
 DEAR FRIEND, The more I write to you, it seems to 
 me the better I like you. I believe there is n't but one 
 person that I set so much by, and that is Gineral Jack 
 son, who was so kind as to give me a commission, and 
 let me have spending money besides. I 'm pretty much 
 out of money now, and the man that I board with keeps 
 dunning me for pay ; so I wish you would be so kind as 
 to send me four or five dollars till I get some more from 
 the President. I writ for it last week, and I think I shall 
 get it in a few days. I told you in my last letter, if I 
 got over the furenza, you should hear from me pretty 
 often. I 'm getting nicely again now. I dont cough 
 more than once in five minutes or so, and my toes and 
 ears that were froze so bad coming up from Madawaska 
 are nearly healed over. All I have to do to 'em now is 
 jest to grease 'em a little when I go to bed at night and 
 in the morning when I get up. I have to keep a hand 
 kerchief over my ears yet when I go out, but my toes are 
 
156 LETTERS OP 
 
 so well I dont limp hardly a mite. As to our legislator 
 business we get along middling well, but not quite so fast 
 as I thought we should considerin it goes by steam. One 
 reason I suppose is because Mr Rnowlton has been a 
 good deal unwell and could n't take hold and drive it 
 right in end as he used to. But he 's got better now, so 
 I hope the wheels will begin to buzz again. 
 
 About the quarrel that our party's got into, I 'm pesky 
 fraid it '11 blow us up yet ; arid I don't know what we 
 shall do to stop it. We 've had a caucus as I told you 
 we should in my last letter, and tried to hush matters up 
 as well as we could. But some of 'em are so grouty, I 
 expect nothing but what they '11 belch out again. 
 
 I was glad the Argus took my advice and kept back 
 the reply to the Age. 
 
 We had a little bit of a tussle here to see who should 
 be appointed agent to go to Washington to tell the Presi 
 dent to hold on to the territory down to Madawaska. 
 Mr Preble and Mr Deane and I were the three principal 
 candidates. Some thought Mr Preble ought to go be 
 cause it would be for the interest of the republican party ; 
 and some thought Mr Deane ought to go because he had 
 been down there a good deal and knew all about the 
 Madawaska country ; and some thought 1 ought to go be 
 cause I had been down there the last of any body, and be 
 cause I was such good friends with the President I should 
 be likely to do better than any body else could. I thought 
 my claims were the strongest, and the Governor said he 
 thought so too. But he said as affairs now stood it 
 would n't do to appoint any body but Mr Preble. 
 
 And besides I dont know as I ought to go off jest now, 
 for I had a letter yesterday from one of my subalterns 
 down to Madawaska, that there 's some trouble with my 
 company there: some of the Sarjents been breaking or 
 ders, <fcc, and I dont know but I shall have to go down 
 and Court Martial 'em. 
 
 Your friend, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 157 
 
 LETTER XLIII. 
 
 Capt. Downing returns to Augusta. Is saved from freez 
 ing by a bear-skin. 
 
 Augusta, State of Maine, Feb. 8, 1832. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 
 
 HERE I be again, my dear friend, rigbt back on the old 
 spot, poking about the Legislator to see what's going on, 
 and to help take care the interests of our party. I got 
 down there to Madawaska jest in the nick of time ; for 
 I got a boss and rid day and night ; and it was well I 
 did, for Sargant Joel had got so outrageous mad, I raly 
 believe if I had n't got there the day I did, he would 
 have strung one or two of 'em right up by the neck. 
 But I quashed matters at once and sot 'em to study 
 ing that are little court martial book, and told 'em 
 when they had any more fuss they must try all their 
 cases by that, and they would n't find any law for hang 
 ing in it. 
 
 It's dreadful cold down there to Madawaska, I froze 
 my toes and ears again a little, but not so bad as I did 
 afore, for I took care to rop up in a great bear skin. I 
 see the Legislator's been disputing about passing a law 
 to kill off all the bears and wolves and sich kind of 
 critters. 
 
 I dont know whether that's a good plan or not. 
 There's a good deal might be said on both sides. 
 Them are bears are pesky mischievous. I heard a 
 story while I was gone, but 1 dont know how true 'tis, 
 how a great bear chased the Councillor that the Gover 
 nor sent down to Fredickton to carry provisions to our 
 prisoners in jail there. Some reckoned the bear smelt 
 the bread and cheese that he had in his saddle bags, and 
 so took after him to get some of it. However, the 
 14 
 
158 LETTERS OF 
 
 Councillor got back safe. But I think. this is a great 
 argument in favor of killing off the bears. And on the 
 other hand I believe the bear skin was all that kept me 
 from freezing to death going to Madawaska tother day. 
 So it seems we ought not to kill 'em quite all off, but 
 raise enough to keep us in bear-skins ; for I suppose my 
 life would be worth as much to. the State as the Coun 
 cillor's. 
 
 I feel a little put out with Dr Burnham for an un- 
 hansome running he gave me 'tother day in the Sen 
 ate. He called me an old rogue.' I cant swallow that 
 very well ; for that's a character I never bore in Down- 
 ingville nor Washington, nor any where else. He was 
 disputing about paying Mr Deane and Cavano for go 
 ing to Madawaska. He said they had n't ought to pay 
 so much, for if they went at this rate, next thing that 
 old rogue, Capt. Jack Downing, would be sending in 
 his bill. 
 
 But he need n't trouble himself about that, for as long 
 as I have President Jackson to look to for paymaster, I 
 dont care a snap about sending in any bills to the Legis 
 lator. But as for being called an old rogue, I wont. I 
 dont mean to make a great fuss about it in the papers, 
 as the Argus and Age did, so as to break up the harmo 
 ny of the republican party. But if Dr Burnham dont 
 give me satisfaction, I'll call a caucus of the party and 
 have him over the coals and du him over. 
 Your loving friend, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 159 
 
 LETTER XLIV. 
 
 In which Captain Downing tells about the Legislature's 
 making Lawyers. 
 
 Augusta, State of Maine, March 1st, 1832. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, I begin to feel as uneasy 
 as a fish out of water, because I havn't writ to you for 
 most two weeks. Now, old March has come, and found 
 us digging here yt ; and sometimes I'm most afraid we 
 shall be found digging here, when we^ ought to be at 
 home digging potatoes, or planting of 'em at least. I've 
 been waiting now above a week for the Legislator to do 
 something, that I could write to you about ; but they 
 dont seem to get along very smart lately. Sometimes 
 the wheels almost stop ; and then they start and rumble 
 along a little ways, and then they drag again. I dont 
 think we shall get through before sometime next week, 
 if we do before week arter. These secret sessions take 
 up a good deal of time. I dont see what in natur they 
 have so many of 'em for. I tried to get into some of 
 'em, but they wouldn't let me ; they said lobby members 
 had no business there, and shot the door right in my 
 face. There's one kind of business though that they 
 carry on here pretty brisk lately, and that is, making 
 lawyers. Some days they make 'em almost as fast as 
 uncle Ephraim used to make sap-troughs ; and I've 
 known him to chop off and hew out two in fifteen min 
 utes. 
 
 But for all the Legislator can make 'em so fast, it is 
 as much as ever they can get along with all that come 
 and want to be made over into lawyers. And 'tother 
 day, when the law committee got pretty well stuck, hav 
 ing so many of 'em on hand, a new batch come up, and 
 
160 LETTERS OP 
 
 Mr Hall of your town moved to refer them to the com 
 mittee on manufactures. This is a capital committee to 
 make things, and I havn't heard any complaint since, 
 but what they can turn 'em out as fast as they come. 
 It rather puzzled me at first to know what made every 
 body want to be worked over into lawyers ; so I asked 
 one of 'em that stood waiting round here a day or two, 
 to be put into the hopper and ground over, what he 
 wanted to be made into a lawyer for ? And he kind of 
 looked up one side at me, and give me a knowing wink, 
 and says he, don't you know that the ja.wyera get all the, 
 fat things of the land, and eat out th*> jp^dff nf *^ ft i s - 
 ters, and give the shalsLtn nthpr frjfrg 1 And if a man 
 wants to have ajjy kind of an office, he go* 1 -** g^* ** un 
 less he's a lawyer ; if he wants to go to the Legislator, 
 he can't be elected without he's a lawyer ; and if he 
 wants to get to Congress, he cant go without he's a law 
 yer ; and any man that don't get made into a lawyer as 
 fast as possible, I say, is a fool. The whole truth come 
 across my mind then, as quick as a look, why it was that 
 I spent two or three years trying to get an office, and 
 couldn't get one. It was because I wasn't a lawyer. 
 And I dont believe I should have got an office to this 
 day, if my good friend President Jackson hadn't found 
 out I was a brave two fisted chap, and jest the boy to go 
 down to Madawaska and flog the British. 
 
 We've agreed unanimously to support Governor Smith 
 for re-election ; and he'll come in all hollow, let the 
 Jacksonites and Huntonites say what they will about it. 
 'Our party know too well which side their bread is but 
 tered, to think of being split up this heat. I should 
 write you more to day, but I feel so kind of agitated 
 about these secret sessions,* that I cant hardly hold my 
 pen still. I'm a little afraid they are intriguing to send 
 
 * The Legislature about this time held several secret sessions or& 
 the subject of the North-Eastern Boundary. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 161 
 
 on to the President to take my commission away from 
 me. It has been thrown out to me that I ought to be 
 down to Madawaska, instead of being here all winter. 
 Some have hinted to me that Mr Clifford has taken a 
 miff against me, because the other day when he was 
 chosen Speaker pro. tern, one of my friends voted for 
 me ; and he thinks I was a rival candidate, and means 
 to have me turned out of office if he can. 
 I am your loving friend, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING, 
 
 LETTER XLV. 
 
 Capt. Downing is in a peck of trouble about the Legisla 
 ture's selling Madawaska to the General Government to 
 be given up to the British, and sits down and Jigures up 
 the price. ~ ' 
 
 Madawaska, State of Maine, or else Great Britain, I dont know 
 which, March 12, 1832. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier this with care and speed* 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, I cleared out from Augusta 
 in such a kind of a whirlwind, that I hadn't time to write 
 you a single word before I left. And I feel so kind of 
 crazy now, I dont know hardly which end I stand upon. 
 I've had a good many head-flaws and worriments in my 
 life time, and been in a great many hobbles, but I never, 
 in all my born days, met with any thing that puzzled 
 me quite so bad as this ere setting out down here. I fit 
 in the Legislator as long as fighting would do any good, 
 that is, I mean in the caucus, for they wouldn't let me 
 go right into the Legislator in the day time and talk to 
 'em there, because I was only a lobby member. But 
 14* 
 
162 LETTERS OF 
 
 jest let them know it, lobby members can do as mnch agf 
 any of 'em on sich kind of business as this. I laid it 
 down to 'em in the caucus as well as I could. I asked 
 'em if they didn't think I should look like a pretty fool, 
 after marching my company down there y and standing 
 ready all winter to flog the whole British nation the 
 moment any of 'em stept a foot on to our land, if I 
 should now have to march back again and give up the 
 land and all without flogging a single son-of-a-gun of 
 'em. But they said it was no use, it couldn't be helped : 
 Mr Netherlands had given the land away to tfrfi firit^S 
 and the President had agreed to do jest as Mr Nether 
 lands said about it, and all we could do now was to get 
 as much pay for it as we could. 
 
 So I set down and figured it up a little to see how 
 much it would come to, for I used to cypher to the rule 
 of three when I went to school, and I found it would 
 come to a pretty round sum. There was, in the first 
 place, about two millions of acres of land. This, con- 
 siderin the timber there was on it, would certainly be 
 Worth a dollar an acre, and that would be two millions 
 of dollars. Then there was two or three thousand in 
 habitants, say twenty-five hundred ; we must be paid for 
 them too, and how much are they worth 1 I've read in 
 the newspapers that black slaves, at the south, sell for 
 three or four hundred dollars apiece. I should think, 
 then, that white ones ought to fetch eight hundred. 
 This, according to the rule of three, would be two hun 
 dred thousand dollars. Then there's the pretty little 
 town of Madavvaska that our Legislator made last win 
 ter, already cut and dried with town officers all chosen, 
 and every thing ready for the British to use without any 
 more trouble. We ought to have pay for this too, and I 
 should think it was worth ten thousand dollars. 
 
 And then the town of Madawasca has chosen Mr 
 Lizote to be a representative in the Legislater, and as 
 the British can take him right into the Parliament with- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 163 
 
 out choosing him over again, they ought to pay us for 
 that too. Now I have read in the newspapers that it 
 sometimes costs, in England, two hundred thousand dol 
 lars to choose a representative to Parliament, reckoning 
 all the grog they drink and all the money they pay for 
 votes. But I wouldn't be screwing about it, so I put Mr 
 Lizote down at one hundred thousand dollars. And 
 then I footed up, and found it to be, 
 For land, including timber, two millions of 
 
 dollars, $2,000,000 
 
 For inhabitants, including women and chil 
 dren, two hundred thousand dollars, 200,000 
 For the town of Madawaska, officers and 
 
 all, ten thousand dollars, 10,000 
 
 For Mr Lizote, all ready to go to Parlia 
 ment, one hundred thousand dollars, 100,000 
 
 Total, $2,310,000 
 
 This was a pretty round sum, and [ begun to think, 
 come to divide it out, it would be a slice a-piece worth 
 having ; especially if we didn't give the Feds any of it, 
 and I supposed we shouldn't, as there wasn't any of 'em 
 there in the caucus to help see about it. 
 
 ' In this view of the subject,' I almost made up my 
 mind that we ought to be patriotic enough to give it up, 
 and help the general government out of the hobble they 
 had got into. And I was jest a-going to get up and 
 make a speech and tell 'em so, when Mr McCrate of 
 Nobleborough, and Capt. Smith of Westbrook, two of 
 the best fellers in our party, came along and see what 
 I was figuring about, and, says they, Capt. Downing, 
 are you going to sell your country 1 In a minute I felt 
 something rise right up in my throat, that felt as big as 
 an ox-yoke. As soon as I got so I could speak, says I, 
 7V0, never^ while my name is Jack Downing, or my old 
 rifle can carry a bullet. They declared too, that they 
 wouldn't sell out to the general government, nor the 
 
164 LETTERS OP 
 
 British, nor nobody else. And we stuck it out most of 
 the evening, till we found out how it was going, and 
 then we cleared out, and as soon as the matter was fairly 
 settled, I started off for Madawaska ; for I was afraid if 
 my company should hear of it before I got there, it 
 would make a blow up among 'em, and I should have to 
 court-martial 'em. 
 
 When I first told 'em how the jig was up with us, 
 that the British were going to have the land, without 
 any fighting about it, I never see fellows so mad before 
 in my life, unless it was Major Eaton at Washington 
 when he sot out to flog Mr Ingham. They said if they 
 could only have had one good battle, they wouldn't care 
 a snap about it, but to be played torn-fool with in this 
 way they wouldn't bear it. They were so mad, they 
 hopped right up and down, and declared they never 
 would go back till they had been over to Fredericton 
 and pulled the jail down, or thrashed some of the New 
 Brunswick boys. But, after a while, I pacified 'em by 
 telling 'em if we didn't get a chance to fight here, I 
 rather thought we might away off to Georgia, for there 
 was something of a bobbery kicking up, and if the Presi 
 dent should want troops to go on there, I was very sure 
 my company would be one of the first he would send for. 
 
 So here we are, lying upon our arms, not knowing 
 what to do, 1 have written to the President, and hope 
 to hear from him soon. If the land is to go, I want to 
 know it in season to get off before it's aUj^yrr \ for I'H 
 
 Your distrest friend, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 165 
 
 LETTER XLVI. 
 
 Capt. Downing declines the office of Mayor oj^Portland. 
 Portland, State of Maine, April 10, 1832. 
 
 * 
 
 To the citizens of Portland. 
 
 WHEN I arrived in this city, last night, from Mada- 
 waska, jest after the hubbub was over about the election, 
 I was informed some of rny friends in Ward No. 7, had 
 voted for me for Mayor. I believe the votes are put in 
 the papers long with the scattering votes, as I see they 
 dont publish my name. 
 
 Now the upshot ont is, I cant take that are office, 
 I've got so much other business to attend to. And so I 
 take this opportunity to declare that / absolutely decline 
 being a candidate. I have a great regard for the citizens 
 of Portland, for it was they that first gave me a boost 
 up towards an office, and I should be very glad to do 
 any thing for 'em that I could ; but I must beg to be 
 excused from being Mayor this year. 
 I am with respect, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
166 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER XLVII. 
 
 In which Gbptain Downing relates a confidential conversa 
 tion with President Jackson while on a journey to Ten 
 nessee. 
 
 Washington City, October 20, 1832. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the State 
 of Maine : [O dear, seems to me I never shall get there again.] 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, I have n't done any thing 
 this three months that seemed so natural as to set down 
 and write to you. To write the name of the Portland 
 Courier raises my sperits right, up. It makes me feel as 
 if I was again talking with you, and uncle Joshua, and 
 cousin Ephraim, and cousin Nabby, and ant Sally, and 
 all of 'em. I and President Jackson got back here yes- 
 terdav from 'jTennesseft^ where we've been gone most all 
 summer. And a long journey we've had of it too. I 
 thought that from here to Portland was a dreadful ways, 
 but it's a great deal further to Tennessee. I did n't 
 think before that our country was half so large as I find 
 it is. It seems as if there was no end to it ; for when 
 we got clear to Tennessee the President said we want 
 half way acrost it. I could n't hardly believe him, but 
 he stood tu it we want. Why, says he, Jack, I've got 
 the largest country in the world, and the hardest to gov 
 ern tu. Say what you will of free governments, where 
 folks will act pretty much as they are a mind to, it's the 
 hardest work to administer it that ever I did. I had 
 rather fight forty New Orleans battles than to govern 
 this everlasting great country one year. There are so 
 many, you see, want to have a finger in the pye, it's the 
 most difficult business you can imagine. You thought 
 you had a tough time of it, Jack, to take care of them 
 are small matters down to Madawaska last winter, with 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 167 
 
 your brave company of Downingville boys. But that's 
 no more than a drop in the bucket to being President 
 one month. I tell you, Jack, there is n't a monarch in 
 Europe who has so hard a time of it as I have. There 
 are so many cooks, the broth most always comes out 
 rather bad. If 1 have to write a message, one must put 
 in a senterjfie^-and another a sentence, and another, till 
 it gets so at last I can't hardly tell whether I've written 
 any of it myself or not. And sometimes I have a good 
 mind to throw it all in the fire and say nothing at all. 
 But then again that wont do, for since I've undertaken 
 to be President, I must go through with it. And then 
 there was such a pulling and hauling for offices along in 
 the outset, it seemed as tffbugh they would pull me to 
 pieces. If I gave an office to one, Mr Ingham or Mr 
 Branch would be mad, and if I gave it to another Mr. 
 Van Buren would n't like it, and if I gave it to another, 
 perhaps Mrs Eaton would make a plaguy fuss about it. 
 One wanted me to do this thing and another wanted me 
 to do that ; and it was nothing but quarrel the whole 
 time. At last Mr Van Buren said he'd resign, if I would 
 turn the rest out. So I made a scattering among 'em 
 and turned 'em all out in a heap. All but Mr Lewis 
 and Mr Kendall who staid to give me their friendly 
 advice and help me through my trying difficulties. 
 
 And then again to be so slandered as I have been in 
 the papers, it is enough to wear the patience of Job out. 
 And if I got a little angry at the contrariness of the 
 Senate, they must needs call me a 'roaring lion,' the 
 rascals. But that Senate did use me shamefully. The 
 very best nominations imp^, |jh p Y n %y rejected. To 
 think the stupid headiryl'iould reject Mr Van Buren, de 
 cidedly the greatest man in the country, it was too pro 
 voking. Yes, Mr Van Buren is the first man in this . 
 country, and jest between you and me, Jack, he's the 
 only man in it that is well qualified to succeed me in the 
 government of this great nation of twenty-four republics. 
 
168 LETTERS OF 
 
 And he must come in too, or the country wont be worth 
 a stiver, much longer. There's Clay, he would make 
 pretty work of it, if he should come in. Why, Jack, he 
 would gamble one half of the country away in two years, 
 and spend the other half in digging Canals and building 
 rail-roads ; and when the funds in the Treasury failed 
 he would go to the United States Bank and get more. 
 
 Calhoun would break the Union to pieces in three 
 months if he was President. He's trying all he can 
 now to tear off something of a slice from it at the south. 
 And as for Wirt, he's a fiddling away with the Anti-masons. 
 Letting Anti-masonry alone, he's a pretty good sort of a 
 man ; but he has n't energy enough to steer our crazy 
 ship of state in these stormy times. I would sooner 
 trust it in the hands of Mrs Eaton than him. There's 
 JK> one fit for it but Mr Van Buren ; and if it was not 
 for getting him in 1 would 11 'l "k&tte consented to stand 
 for another term. 
 
 But, my dear friend, by stopping to tell you some of 
 the conversation I and the President had along the road, 
 I have almost forgot to tell you any thing about myself 
 and the thousand things I met with on my journey. But 
 I can't write any more to-day. I expect to start from 
 here Monday on my way to Portland. You may hear 
 from me a few times before I get there, as I shall stop 
 along by the way some to see how matters go in Penn- 
 sylvany and New York. 
 
 If you have a chance, send my love to all my folks 
 up at Downingville, and tell 'em old Jack is alive and 
 hearty. 
 
 I remain your loving "friend? 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER XLVIII. 
 
 In which Capt. Downing runs an Express from Baltimore 
 /q Jjy/zsA jfriff/fMi , and foots li through Pennsylvany Ave~ 
 nue to the President's house. 
 
 Washington City, Nov. 5, 1832. 
 
 To the editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church 
 building, 2d story, eastern end, Fore Street, Portland, away down 
 east, in the State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND. Here I am back again to 
 Washington, though I've been as far as Baltimore on my 
 way down east to see you and the rest of my uncles and 
 aunts and couzins. And what do you think I posted 
 back to Washington for ? I can tell you. When I got 
 to Baltimore I met an express coming onJfollxhisel from 
 Philadelphia, to carry the news to Washington that 
 Pennsylvania had gone all hollow for old Hickory's 
 second election. The poor fellow that was carrying it 
 had got so out of breath, that he declared he couldn't go 
 no further if the President never heard of it. 
 
 Well, thinks I, it will be worth a journey back to 
 Washington, jest to see the old gineral's eyes strike fire 
 when he hears of it. So says I, I'll take it and carry it 
 on for you if you are a mind to. He kind of hesitated 
 at first, and was afraid I might play a trick upon him ; 
 but when he found out my name was Jack Downing, he 
 jumped off his horse quick enough ; I'll trust it with you, 
 says he, as quick as I would with the President himself. 
 So I jumped on and whipped up. And sure enough, a? 
 true as you are alive, I did get to Washington before 
 dark, though I had but three hours to go it in, and its 
 nearly forty miles. It was the smartest horse that ever 
 I backed, except one that belongs to the President. But, 
 poor fellow, he's so done tu I guess he'll never run an 
 other express. Jest before I got to Washington, say 
 15 
 
170 LETTERS OF 
 
 about two miles from the city, the poor fellow keeled 
 up and could n't go another step. I had lost my hat on 
 the way and was too much in a hurry to pick it up, and 
 he had thrown me off twice and torn my coat pretty bad, 
 so that I did n't look very trig to go through the city or 
 go to the President's fine house. But notwithstanding, 
 I knew the President would overlook it, considerin the 
 business I was coming upon ; so I catched the express 
 and pulled foot, right through Pennsylvany Avenue, 
 without any hat, and torn coat sleeves and coat tail fly 
 ing. The stage offered to carry me, but I thought I 
 wouldn't stop for it. 
 
 Almost the first person I met was Mr Duff Green. 
 Says he, Capt. Downing, what's the matter? I held up 
 the express and shook it at him, but never answered him 
 a word, and pulled on. He turned and walked as fast 
 as he could without running, and followed me. Pretty 
 soon I met Mr Gales of the Intelligencer, and says he, 
 for mercy sake, Captain Downing, what's the matter ? 
 Have you been chased by a wolf, or Governor Houston, 
 or have you got news from Pennsylvania 1 I did n't turn 
 to the right nor left, but shook the express at him and 
 run like wild-fire. 
 
 When I came up to the President's house, the old 
 gentleman was standing in the door. He stepped quick 
 er than I ever see him before, and met me at the gate. 
 Says he, my dear friend Downing, what's the matter ? 
 Has the United States Bank been trying to bribe you, 
 and you are trying to run away from 'em ? They may 
 buy over Webster and Clay and such trash, but I knew 
 if they touched you they would get the wrong pig by the 
 ear. As he said this, Duff Green hove in sight, puffing 
 and blowing, full speed. 
 
 Oh, said the President, Duff Green wants to have a 
 lick at you, does he ? Well dont retreat another step, 
 Mr Downing, I'll stand, between you and harm. Upon 
 that he called his boy and told him to bring his pistols in 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 171 
 
 a moment. By this time I made out to get breath 
 enough jest to say Pennsylvany, and to shake the ex 
 press at him. The old man's color changed in a minute. 
 Says he, come in, Mr Downing, come in, set down, dont 
 say a word to Duff. So in we went, and shut the door. 
 Now, says the President, looking as though he would 
 route a regiment in five minutes, now speak and let me 
 know whether I am a dead man or alive. 
 
 Gineral, says, I, its all over with I wont hear a 
 
 word of it, says he, stomping his foot. His eyes flashed 
 fire so that I trembled and almost fell backwards. But 
 1 see he did n't understand me. Dear gineral, says I, 
 its all over with Clay and the Bank at that he clapt 
 his~"iianas and jumpt up like a bdy. I never see the 
 President jump before, as much as I've been acquainted 
 with him. In less than a minute he looked entirely like 
 another man. His eyes were as calm and as bright as 
 the moon jest coming out from behind a black thunder 
 cloud. 
 
 He clenched my hand and gave it such a shake, I 
 did n't know but he would pull it off. Says he, Jack, I 
 knew Pennsylvany never would desert me, and if she has 
 gone for me I'm safe. And now if I dont make them are 
 Bank chaps hug it, my name is n't Andrew Jackson. 
 And after all, Jack, I aint so glad on my own account, 
 that I'm re-elected, as I am for the country and Mr Van 
 Buren. This election has all been on Mr Van Buren's 
 account ; and we shall get him in now to be President 
 after me. And you know, Jack, that he's the only man 
 after me, that's fit to govern this country. 
 
 The President has made me promise to stop and 
 spend the night with him, and help him rejoice over the 
 victory. But I have n't time to write any more before 
 the mail goes. 
 ^1- Your loving friend, 
 
 CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 
 
LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER XL1X. 
 
 In which Capt. Downing receives a Major's commission, 
 and is appointed to march against the Nullifiers. 
 
 Washington City, Dec. 8, 1832. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church 
 building, second story, eastern end, Fore Street, Portland, away 
 down east, in the State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND. I believe the last time I 
 wrote to you, was when I come back with the express 
 from Baltimore, and Duff Green chased -me so .through 
 the street to find out what I was bringing, and the Pres 
 ident thought he was running to get a lick at me, and 
 called for his pistols to stand between me and harm, you 
 know. Well, I intended to tarn right about again after 
 I had made the old gentleman's heart jump up by tell 
 ing him that he had got Pennsylvany and would be 
 elected as sure as eggs was bacon, and make the best of 
 my way towards Portland. For you cant think how I 
 long to see you and uncle Joshua and ant Resiah and 
 cousin Ephraim and cousin Nabby and all the rest of 
 the dear souls up in Downingville. It seems as though 
 it was six years instead of six months since I left that 
 part of the country, and when I shall be able to get back 
 again is more than I can tell now ; for I find when a 
 man once gets into public life he never can say his time 
 is his own ; he must always stand ready to go where his 
 country calls. The long and the short of it is, the Pres 
 ident has got so many other fish for me to fry, it's no use 
 for me to think of going home yet. That evening after 
 I got back with the express, the President said we must 
 honor this victory in Pennsylva'ny with a glass of yvjne.^ 
 I am sure, said he, Capt. Downing, you will have no ob 
 jection to take a glass with me on this joyful occasion. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 173 
 
 I told him as for that matter, I supposed I could take a 
 glass of wine upon a pinch, even if the occasion was not 
 half so joyful. So he had two or three bottles full brought 
 in, and filled up the glasses. And now, says the President, 
 I will give you a toast. The State of Pennsylvania, the 
 most patriotic State in the Union ; for though I go 
 against all her great public interests, still sh votes for 
 me by an overwhelming majority. 
 
 He then called for my toast. And what could I give 
 but my dear native Downingville ; the most genuine un 
 wavering democratic republican town in New England. 
 
 Good, said the President ; and that Downingville has 
 never been rewarded yet. You shall have a Post Of- 
 ficjL-esiabJished there, and name to me which* Of yuui 
 friends you would like should be Post Master, and he 
 shall be appointed. 
 
 The President then gave his second toast ; Martin 
 Van Buren, the next President of the United States, 
 and the only man in the country that is fit for it. Capt. 
 Downing, your toast if you please. So I gave Uncle 
 Joshua Downing, the most thorough going republican in 
 Downingville. 
 
 Good, said the President, I understand you. Captain _ 
 Downing ^jour jinida-JtrerTT^^ the Po^TDmce. 
 
 His third toast was th editor of the Washington 
 Globe ; and mine was the editor of the Portland Cou 
 rier. But I told him he mustn't ask me for any more 
 toasts, for that was as fur as I could go. 
 
 The President toasted several more of his friends, 
 sich as Major Eaton, and Mr Kendall, and Mr Lewis, 
 and the Hon. Isaac Hill, and so on, till it got to be pret 
 ty late in the evening, and f told the President I would 
 be glad if he would excuse me, for I wanted to start early 
 in the morning on my way down east, and I thought I 
 should feel better if I could get a little nap first. And 
 besides I had got to go and get the old lady that used 
 to do my washing and mending, to patch up my coat 
 15* 
 
174 LETTERS OF 
 
 that got such a terrible shipwreck by being thrown off 
 the horse with the express. 
 
 Start down east to-morrow morning, Capt. Downing, 
 said he, you must not think of it. I have an important 
 and delicate job on hand which I cant get along with very 
 well without your assistance. There's that miserable 
 ambitious Calhoun has-been trying this dozen years to be 
 President oTThe United States ; but he can't make out, 
 so now he is determined to lop off a few of the southern 
 Spates and make himseir^tijooidoftLof tkemT" JjutrThe 
 ^lon't iTM himself -nifsfaken my name is n't Andrew 
 Jackson. As he said this he started up on his feet, and 
 begun to march across the floor with a very soldier-like 
 step, and his eyes fairly flashed fire. No, said he, Capt. 
 Downing, he must wait till somebody else is President 
 besides me before he can do that. Let him move an 
 inch by force in this business, if he dares. I'll chase 
 him as far beyond Tennessee as it is from here there, 
 but what I'll catch him and string him up by the neck 
 to the first tree I can find. 
 
 I rrfust send some troops out there to South ffa 1 ' 1 ^ 
 to reconnoitre and keep matters strait, and your gallant 
 defence of Madavvaska last winter points you out as the 
 most sukable man to take the command. I shall give 
 you a Major's commission to-morrow, and wish you to 
 enlist two or three companies of brave volunteers and 
 hold yourself in readiness to obey orders. In case we 
 should have to come to a real brush, said the President, 
 I shall take command myself, and make you Lieutenant 
 General. But I wish you to bear in mind, let what will 
 come, never to shoot that Calhoun. Shooting is too 
 good for him. He must dance upon nothing with a rope 
 round his neck. 
 
 As for your coat, Capt. Downing, dont trouble the old 
 lady with it. It looks as though it had seen service 
 enough already. I'll give you one of mine to wear till 
 you have time to get a suit of regimentals made. I told 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 175 
 
 him I felt a little uneasy about taking the command 
 among strangers, unless I could have my Downingville 
 Company with me. Send for them, said the President, 
 by alHlreanc, cond for-tfaem. There are no troops equal 
 to them except it is some of the boys from Tennessee. 
 So I shall forthwith send orders to Sargeant Joel to 
 march 'em on here. As I am to have my commission 
 to-morrow, I shall venture to subscribe myself your friend, 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER L. 
 
 In which uncle Joshua tells what a tussle they had in Dow 
 ningville to keep the Federalists from praising the 
 President's Proclamation against the Nullifiers. 
 
 Downingville, State of Maine, Dec. 27, 1832. 
 
 To Major Jack Downing, at Washington City, or if he is gone to 
 South Carolina I want President Jackson to send this along tu 
 him. 
 
 MY DEAR NEFFU, We had almost gin you up for 
 dead, you had been gone so long, before we got your 
 letter in the Portland Courier telling how you had been 
 away to Tennessee along with President Jackson. 
 Your poor mother had pined away so that she had 
 nothing left, seemingly, but skin and bones, and your 
 cousin Nabby had cried her eyes half out of her head, 
 poor girl. But when the Portland Courier came bring 
 ing that are letter of yourn, Downingville was in a com 
 plete uproar all day. Sargent Joel had come home 
 from Madawaska and dismissed your company, and gone 
 to work in the woods chopping wood. But as soon as 
 he heard your letter had come, he dropped his ax, and I 
 dont think he 's touched it since ; and he put on his 
 regimentals and scoured up the old piece of a scythe 
 
176 LETTERS OF 
 
 that he used to have for a sword, and stuck it into his 
 waistband, and strutted about as big as a major gineral. 
 Your mother begun to pick up her crums immediately, 
 and has been growing fat ever since. And Nabby run 
 about from house to house like a crazy bed-bug, telling 
 'em Jack was alive and was agoing to build up Downing- 
 ville and make something of it yet. 
 
 We got your last letter and the President's Procla 
 mation both together, though I see your letter was writ 
 ten two days first. That JE^oclamaAwm is a capital thing. 
 You know I Ve made politics my study for forty years, 
 and I must say it 's the most ginuine republican thing I 
 ever come acrost. But what was most provoking about 
 it, was, all the old federalists in town undertc 
 it tu. Squire Dudley, you Know, was always a federal 
 ist, and an Adams man tu. I met him the next day 
 after the Proclamation come, and he was chock full of 
 the matter. Says he, Mr. Downing, that Proclamation 
 is jest the thing. It 's the true constitutional doctrine. 
 We all support the President in this business through 
 thick and thin. 
 
 My dander began to rise, and I could not hold in any 
 longer. Says I, squire Dudley, shut up your clack, or 
 I '11 knock your clam-shells together pretty quick. It 's 
 got to be a pretty time of day indeed, if after we 've 
 worked so hard to get President Jackson in, you Feder 
 alists are going to undertake to praise his proclamation 
 as much as though he was your own President. You 've 
 a right to grumble and fine fault with it as much as you 
 like ; but dont let me hear you say another word in fa 
 vor of it, if you do I '11 make daylight shine through 
 you. The old man hauled in his horns and meeched off 
 looking shamed enough. 
 
 The next day we concluded to have a public meeting 
 to pass resolutions in favor of the Proclamation. I was 
 appointed chairman. The federal party all come flock 
 ing round and wanted to come in and help praise the 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 177 
 
 President. We told 'em no ; it was our President, and 
 otjtJEioclamation, and they mustTeeptheir distance. 
 So we shut the doors and went on with our resolutions. 
 By and by the federal party begun to hurra for Jackson 
 outside the house. At that I told Sargent Joel and your 
 cousin Ephraim and two or three more of the young 
 democrats to go out and clear the coast of them are 
 fellers. And they went out and Sargent Joel drew his 
 piece of a scythe and went at 'em and the federalists 
 run like a flock of sheep with a dog after 'em. So we 
 finished our resolutions without getting a drop, of feder 
 alism mixed with 'em, and sent 'em on to the President 
 by Sargent Joel. He got his company together last 
 week and they filled their knapsacks with bread and 
 sasages and doe-nuts, and started for Washington ac 
 cording to your orders. 
 
 I was glad to see that hint in your letter about a post 
 office here. We need one very much. And if the 
 President should think I ought to have it, being I 've 
 always been such a good friend to him, why you know. 
 Jack, I 'm always ready to serve my country. 
 So I remain your loving Uncle, 
 
 JOSHUA DOWNING. 
 
 P. S. If the President should n't say any thing more 
 about the post office, I think you had better name it to 
 him again before you go to South Carolina ; for if any 
 thing should happen to you there, he might never do any 
 more about it. 
 
178 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER LI. 
 
 In which Major Downing describes the arrival of Sargent 
 Joel with the Company at Washington. 
 
 Washington City, Jan. 4, 1833. 
 
 To my dear Cousin Ephraim Downing, what watches the Legislator 
 at Augusta, away down east, in the State of Maine, while I stay 
 here and look arter Congress and the President. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN, Sargent Joel got here day before 
 yesterday with my hearty old company of Downingville 
 boys, that went down to Madawaska with me last winter. 
 They cut rather a curious figure marching through Pen- 
 silvany Avenu. One half of 'em had worn their shoes 
 out so that their toes stuck out like the heads of so many 
 young turtles, and t'other half had holes through their 
 knees or elbows, and Sargent Joel marched ahead of 'em 
 swinging his piece of an old scythe for a sword, and in 
 quiring of every one he met for Major Jack Downing. 
 They all told him to keep along till he got to the Presi 
 dent's house, which was the biggest house in the city ex 
 cept the Congress house, and there he would find me. 
 I and the President were setting by the window in the 
 great east room, looking out and talking about Mr Cal- 
 houn and so on, when the President begun to stare as 
 though he saw a catamount. 
 
 He started up on his feet, and says he, Major Downing, 
 if my eyes dont deceive me there 's Nullification now 
 coming up Pensilvany Avenu. He begun to call for his 
 pistols, and to tell his men to fasten up the doors, when 
 I looked out, and I knew Joel's strut in a minute. Says 
 I, dear Ginneral, that's no nullification, but its what '11 
 put a stopper on nullification pretty quick if it once gets 
 to South Carolina. It 's my Downingville Company 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 179 
 
 commanded by Sargent Joel. At that the President 
 looked more pleased than I 've seen him before since he 
 got the news of the vote of Pensilvany. He ordered 'em 
 into the east room and gave 'em as much as they could 
 eat and drink of the best the house affords. He has 
 found quarters for 'em in the neighborhood, and says we 
 must be ready to march for South Carolina whenever he 
 says the word. 
 
 But I '11 tell you what 't is, cousin Ephraim, I begin 
 to grow a little kind of wamble-cropt about going to South 
 Carolina, arter all. If they 've got many such fellers 
 there as one Ginneral Blair there is here from that State, 
 I 'd sooner take my chance in the woods forty miles above 
 Downingville, fighting bears and wolves and catamounts, 
 than come within gun-shot of one of these Carolina giants. 
 He 's a whaler of a feller, as big as any two men hi 
 Downingville. They say he weighs over three hundred 
 pounds. About a week ago he met Ginneral Duff Green 
 in the street and he fell afoul of him with a great club 
 and knocked him down, and broke his arm and beat him 
 almost to death, jest because he got mad at something 
 Mr Green said in his paper. And what makes me feel 
 more skittish about getting into the hands of such chaps, 
 is, because he says he could n't help it. He says all his 
 friends persuaded him not to meddle with Ginneral Green, 
 and he tried as hard as he could to let him alone, but he 
 * found himself unequal to the effort.' So Green like to 
 got killed. 
 
 The folks here sot out to carry him to court about it, 
 but he said he would n't go, and so he armed himself with 
 four pistols and two dirks and a great knife, and said 
 he 'd shoot the first man that touched him. Last night 
 he went to the Theatre with all his arms and coutrements 
 about him. And after he sot there a spell, and all the 
 folks were looking to see the play go on, he draws out 
 one of his pistols and fires it at the players. Then there 
 was a dreadful uproar. They told him he must clear 
 
180 LETTERS OF 
 
 out about the quickest. But he said if they 'd let him 
 alone he M behave like a gentleman. So they went on 
 with the play again. 
 
 By and by he draws out another pistol and points it 
 towards the players. At that there was a whole parcel 
 of 'era seized him and dragged him out into another 
 room, big as he was. But pretty soon he got upon his 
 feet, and begun to rave like a mad ox. He pulled off his 
 coat and threw it down, and declared he 'd fight the.* 
 whole boodle of 'em. The constables were all so fright 
 ened they cut and run, and nobody dared to go a near 
 him, till he got cooled down a little, when some of his 
 friends coaxed him away to a tavern. Now as for going 
 to South Carolina to fight such chaps as these, I 'd sooner 
 let nullification go to grass and eat mullen. 
 
 Sargent Joel told me when he left Downingville you 
 had jest got loaded up with apples and one thing another 
 to go down to Augusta to peddle 'em out ; and that you 
 was a going to stay there while the Legislator folks were 
 there. So I thought it would be a good plan for you and 
 I to write to one another about once a week or so, how 
 matters get along. 
 
 Give my love to the folks up in Downingville whenever 
 you see 'ern. 
 
 So I remain your loving Cousin, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 181 
 
 LETTER LEI. 
 
 In which Major Downing gives his opinion about NULLIFI 
 CATION, and illustrates it with a lucid example. 
 
 Washington City, Jan. 17, 1833. 
 
 To the editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church 
 Building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, away down east 
 in the State of Maine. 
 
 MY KIND AND DEAR OLD FRIEND, The President's 
 Mftssagft tn Congress rnakes cracking work here. Mr 
 Calhoun shows his teeth like a lion. Mr McDuffie is 
 cool as a cowcumber, though they say he's got a terrible 
 tempest inside of him, that he'll let out before long. For 
 my part I think the President's Message is about right. 
 I was setting with the President in the east room last 
 night, chatting about one thing and another, and the 
 President says he, Major Downing, have you read my 
 message that I sent to Congress to day. I told him I 
 had n't. Well, says he, I should like to have you read 
 it and give me your opinion upon it. So he handed it 
 to me and I sot down and read it through. 
 
 And when I got through, now says I Gineral I'll tell 
 you jest what I think of this ere business. When I was 
 a youngster some of us Downingville boys used to go 
 down to Sebago Pond every spring and hire out a month 
 or two rafting logs across the Pond. And one time I 
 and cousin Ephraim, and Joel, and Bill Johnson, and 
 two or three more of us had each a whapping great log 
 to carry across the Pond. It was rather a windy day 
 and the waves kept the logs bobbing up and down pretty 
 considerable bad, so we agreed to bring 'em along side 
 and side and lash 'em together and drive some thole-pins 
 in the outermost logs and row 'em over together. We 
 went along two or three miles pretty well. But by and 
 16 
 
182 LETTERS OP 
 
 by Bill Johnson begun to complain. He was always an 
 uneasy harumscarum sort of a chap. Always thought 
 every body else had an easier time than he had, and 
 when he was a boy, always used to be complaining that 
 the other boys had more butter on their bread than he 
 had. Well, Bill was rowing on the leward side, and he 
 begun to fret and said his side went the hardest, and 
 he would n't give us any peace till one of us changed 
 sides with him. 
 
 Well Bill had n't rowed but a little ways on the wind 
 ward side before he began to fret again, and declared 
 that side went harder than 'tother, and he wouldn't 
 touch to row on that side any longer. We told him he 
 had his choice, and he should n't keep changing so. But 
 he only freted the more and begun to get mad. At last 
 he declared if we did n't change with him in five minutes, 
 he'd cut the lashings and take his log and paddle off 
 alone. And before we had hardly time to turn round, 
 he declared the five minutes were out, and up hatchet 
 and cut the lashings, and away went Bill on his own log, 
 bobbing and rolling about, and dancing like a monkey to 
 try to keep on the upper side. The rest of us scrabbled 
 to as well as we could, and fastened our logs together 
 again, though we had a tuff match for it, the wind blew 
 so hard. Bill had n't gone but a little ways before his 
 log begun to role more and more, and by and by in he 
 went splash, head and ears. He came up puffing and 
 blowing, and got hold of the log and tried to climb up on 
 to it, but the more he tried the more the log rolled ; and 
 finding it would be gone goose with him pretty soon if 
 he staid there, he begun to sing out like a loun foi 1 u& 10" 
 We asked him which side he would 
 row if we would take his log into the raft again. O, 
 says Bill, I'll row on either side or both sides if you 
 want me to, if you'll only come and help me before I 
 si nk. 
 
 But, said the President, I hope you did n't help the 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 183 
 
 foolish rascal out till he got a pretty good soaking. He 
 got soaked enough before we got to him, says I, for he 
 was jest ready to sink for the last time, and our logs 
 come pesky near getting scattered, and if they had, we 
 should all gone to the bottom together. And now Gin- 
 
 eral, this is jest what I think : if you let ^>outh Carolina 
 
 cut the lashings you'll see such a l^gr-mlHi^or j n this 
 country as you never see yet. The old Gineral started 
 up and marched across the floor like a boy. Says he, 
 Major Downing, she sha'nt cut the lashings while my 
 name is Andrew Jackson. Tell Sargent Joel to have 
 his company sleep on their arms every night. I told 
 him they should be ready at a moment's warning. 
 
 I wish you would jest give cousin Ephraim up to Au 
 gusta a jog to know why he dont write to me and let me 
 know how the Legislator is getting along. 
 I remain your loving friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING, 
 
 LETTER LIII. 
 
 In which cousin Ephraim tells the Major how matters get 
 along at Augusta, and gives a specimen of the value of 
 political promises. 
 
 Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 30, 1833. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier, that we take up in Dow- 
 ningville : dear sir, I want you to send tfiis on to cousin Jack to 
 Washington City, 'cause he told me you would send it and not 
 charge any postage. 
 
 To Major Jack Downing. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN JACK, I got your letter sometime ago, 
 but I had n't time to answer it afore now, because I had 
 to go back up to Downingville to get another load of 
 apples. These Legislate!* folks crouch apples down by 
 
184 LETTERS OF 
 
 the wholesale between speeches, and sometimes in the 
 middle of speeches tu. That arternoon that Mr Clark 
 spoke all day, I guess I sold nigh upon a half a bushel 
 for cash, and trusted out most three pecks besides. The 
 folks up to Downingville are all pretty well, only your 
 poor old mother ; she 's got the reumatics pretty bad 
 this winter. She says she wishes with all her heart 
 Jack would come home, and not think of going to South 
 Carolina. Ever since she heard about Ginneral Blair 
 she cant hardly sleep nights, she 's so afraid you '11 get 
 shot. I tell her there 's no danger of you as long as you 
 have President Jackson one side of you and Sargent 
 Joel 'tother. 
 
 The Legislator is jogging along here pretty well ; I 
 guess they '11 get through about the first of March, if 
 they dont have too many boundary questions come along. 
 We made some Major Ginnerals here 'tother day, and I 
 tried to get you elected. Not because I thought you 
 c^ed much about the office now, but jest for the honor 
 of 1 Downingville. I tried most all the members, and 
 thought to be sure you would come in as slick as greese. 
 For about forty of 'em told me they thought it belonged 
 to you. They said it was against their principles to 
 pledge their votes to any body ; but they whispered in 
 my ear that they would do wliat they could, and they had 
 n't scarcely a doubt but what you 'd be elected. Sixty- 
 eight of 'em told me you was the best man for zY, and 
 would undoubtedly be chosen as a matter of course. 
 And twenty five of 'em promised me right up and down 
 by the crook of the elbow, that they would vote for 
 you. 
 
 Well Jack, after all this, you did n't get but two votes. 
 By that time I begun to think it was n't so strange that 
 it took you two years hard fishing before you could get 
 an office. 
 
 This is the most democratic Legislator that they have 
 ever had in this state yet. They are most all real gin- 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 185 
 
 uine democrats, and they have give Mr Holmes and Mr 
 Sprague a terrible basting for being federalists, and they 
 have turned Mr Holmes out and put Mr Shepley in. 
 
 The Legislator is talking of moving the seat of gov 
 ernment back to Portland again. They say it will be 
 better all round. They wont have to go so fur through 
 the snow-drifts to their boarding houses, and wont have 
 to pay much more than half so much for their board. 
 And here they have to pay four pence apiece every time 
 they are shaved ; but in Portland tfcey can get shaved 
 by the half dozen for three cents apiece. I hope they 
 will go, for I can get more for my apples in Portland 
 than I can here. 
 
 P. S. Bill Johnson was married last week, and he 
 quarrelled with his wife the very next day. So you see 
 he is the same old sixpence he used to be. He says he 
 '11 send a petition to the Legislator to be divorced, and 
 he declares if they don't grant it, he '11 cut the lashings 
 as he did once on the raft on Sebago Pond, sink or 
 swim. 
 
 N. B. Uncle Joshua wished me to ask you to ask the 
 President about that post office again, as his commission 
 has n't come yet. 
 
 I remain your loving Cousin, 
 
 EPHRAIM DOWNING. 
 
 16* 
 
186 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER LIV. 
 
 In which Major Downing goes up top the Congress house 
 and listens to see if he can hear the guns in South Caro 
 lina, and also has a talk with the President, about the 
 slander of the newspapers. 
 
 [Note. The first of 
 South Carolina for pul 
 
 Washington City, Feb. 1, 1833. 
 
 To the editor of the Portland Courier, in Mariners' Church Build 
 ing, second story, eastern end, Fore Street away down east, in the 
 State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND. This is nullification day, and it's 
 most night, and I aint dead yet, and hant been shot at 
 once to-day. I got up this morning as soon as it was 
 light, and went out and looked away towards South Ca 
 rolina, and listened as hard as I could to see if I could 
 hear the guns crackin and the cannons roarin. But it 
 was all still as a mouse. And I've been up top the Con 
 gress house five or six times to-day, and listened and 
 listened, but all the firing I could hear was inside tfre 
 Congress house itself, where the members were shooting 
 their speeches at each other. I had my company all 
 ready this morning with their dinners in their napsacks, 
 to start as quick as we heard a single gun. We shant 
 go till we hear something from these nullifiers, for the 
 President says he aint agoing to begin the scrape, but if 
 the nullifiers begin it, then the hardest must fend off. 
 
 Yesterday a friend handed me a couple of papers 
 printed at Hallowell away down pretty near to Augusta 
 in the State of Maine, called the American Advocate, 
 and I found something in 'em that made me as mad as a 
 March hair. The first one mentioned that Capt. Dow 
 was chosen Mayor of Portland, and then said, he is the 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 187 
 
 reputed author of the Jack Downing letters that have 
 been published in the Portland Courier. The other pa 
 per that was printed two or three days afterwards, said 
 Mr. Dow the new Mayor of Portland is not the author 
 of Jack Downing's letters ; they are written by Mr Seba 
 Smith, the Editor of the Portland Courier. JNow, Mr 
 utor, my good old friend, is n't this too bad ? I have 
 n't come acrost any thing that made me feel so wamble- 
 cropt this good while. Jest as if Major Jack Downing 
 could n't write his own letters. 
 
 - I've been to school, put it altogether, off and on, more 
 than six months ; and though I say it myself, I always 
 used to be called the best scholar among all the boys in 
 Downingville, and most always used to stand at the head 
 of my class. I'd been through Webster's spelling book 
 before I was fifteen, and before I was twenty I could 
 cypher to the rule of three. And now to have it said 
 that I dont write my own letters, is too bad. It's what 
 I call a rascally shame. I was so boiling over with it 
 last night, that I could'nt hold in ; and so I took the pa 
 pers and went in and showed them to the President. I 
 always go to the President when I have any difficulty, 
 and when he has any he comes to me ; so we help one 
 another along as well as we can. When the President 
 had read it, says he, Major Downing, it's strange to see 
 how this world is given to lying. The public papers are 
 beginning to slander v^" j^pt +k*y nl^ll ^ ***** * 
 have n't written scarcely a public document since I've 
 been President, but what it's been laid off to Mr Van 
 Buren, or Mr McLane, or Mr Livingston, or Mr Taney, 
 or somebody or other. And how to help this slanderous 
 business I dont know. But it's too provoking, Major, 
 that's certain. Sometimes I've a good mind to make 
 Congress pass a law that every editor who says I dont^ 
 write my proclamations nnrl mpss^fl-f^ or that you dont 
 write your letters, shall forfeit his press and types ; and 
 if that dont stop him, that he shall be strung up by the 
 neck without Judge or Jury. 
 
188 LETTERS OF 
 
 And now, Mr Editor, I wish you would jest give that 
 Hallowell man a hint to mind his t>wn p's and q's in fu 
 ture, and look out for his neck. And as you know very 
 well that I do write my own letters, I would thank you 
 jest to tell the public so. 
 
 I remain your sincere and loving friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. * 
 
 LETTER LV. 
 
 In which Cousin Ephraim explains the science of Land- 
 speculation. 
 
 Augusta, State of Maine, March 4, 1833. 
 
 To Major Jack Downing, at President Jackson's house in Wash 
 ington City. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN JACK, The Legislator folks have all 
 cleared out to-day one arter t'other jest like a flock of 
 sheep ; and some of 'em have left me in the lurch tu, for 
 they cleared out without paying me for my apples. 
 Some of 'em went off in my debt as much as twenty 
 cents, and some ninepence, and a shilling, and so on. 
 They all kept telling me when they got paid off, they'd 
 settle up with me. And so I waited with patience till 
 they adjourned, and thought I was as sure of my money 
 as though it was in the Bank. 
 
 But, my patience, when they did adjourn, such a hub 
 bub 1 guess you never see. They were flying about 
 from one room to another, like so many pigeons shot in 
 the head. They run into Mr Harris' room and clawed 
 the money off of his table, hand over fist. I brustled up 
 to some of 'em, and tried to settle. I come to one man 
 that owed me twelve cents, and he had a ninepence in 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 189 
 
 change, but he wouldn't let me have that, because he 
 should lose a half cent. So, while we were bothering 
 about it, trying to get it changed, the first I knew the 
 rest of 'em had got their money in thejr pockets and 
 were off like a shot, some of 'em in stages, and some in 
 sleighs, and some footing it. I out and followed after 
 'em, but 'twas no use ; I couldn't catch one of 'em. 
 And as for my money, and apples tu, I guess I shall 
 have to whistle for 'em now. Its pesky hard, for 1 owe 
 four and sixpence here yet for my board, and I've paid 
 away every cent I've got for my apples, and dont know 
 but I shall have to come down with another load to clear 
 out my expenses. Howsomever, you know uncle Joshua 
 always told us never to cry for spilt milk, so I mean to 
 hold my head up yet. 
 
 I dont know but I shall have to give up retailing ap 
 ples, I meet with so many head-flaws about it. I was 
 thinking that, soon as the Legislator adjourned, I'd take 
 a load of apples and apple-sass, and a few sassages, and 
 come on to Washington, and go long with your company 
 to South Carolina. But they say MrClfly. hao put-a, 
 
 ullification business, so that its ten 
 chances to one you wont have to go. 
 
 I dont care so much about the apple business after all ; 
 for I've found out a way to get rich forty times as fast 
 as I can by retailing apples, or as you can by hunting 
 after an office. And I advise you to come right home, 
 as quick as you can come. Here's a business going on 
 here that you can get rich by, ten times as quick as you 
 can in any office, even if you should get to be President. 
 The President dont have but twenty-five thousand dol 
 lars a year ; but in this ere business that's going on here, 
 a man can make twenty-five thousand dollars in a wee 
 if he's a mind to, and not work hard neither. 
 
 I spose by this time you begin to feel rather in a 
 pucker to know what this business is. I'll tell you : but 
 you must keep it to yourself, for if all them are 
 
190 LETTERS OF 
 
 Washington folks and Congress folks should come on 
 here and go to dipping into it, I'm afraid they'd cut us all 
 out. But between you and me, its only jest buying and 
 sellingvJand. yhv. Jack, its forty times more profitable 
 than money digging, or any other business that you ever, 
 see. I knew a man here t'other day from Bangor, that 
 made ten thousand dollars, and I guess he want more 
 than an hour about it. Most all the folks here and down 
 to Portland and Bangor have got their fortunes made, 
 and now we are beginning to take hold of it up in the 
 country. 
 
 They've got a slice up in Downingville, and I missed 
 it by being down here selling apples, or I should had a 
 finger in the pie. Uncle Joshua Downing, you know 
 he's an old fox, and always knows where to jump ; well, 
 he see how every body was getting rich, so he went and 
 bought a piece of a township up back of Downingville, 
 and give his note for a thousand dollars for it. And 
 then he sold it to uncle Jacob and took his note for two 
 thousand dollars ; and uncle Jacob sold it to uncle 
 Zackary and took his note for three thousand dollars ; 
 and uncle Zackary sold it to uncle Jim, and took hjs 
 note for four thousand dollars ; and uncle Jim sold it to 
 cousin Sam, and took his note for five thousand dollars ; 
 and cousin Sam sold it to Bill Johnson, and took his 
 note for six thousand dollars. So you see there's five 
 of 'em that want worth ninepence apiece before, have 
 now got a thousand dollars apiece clear, when their 
 notes are paid. And Bill Johnson's going to logging off 
 of it, and they say he'll make more than any of 'em. 
 
 Come home, Jack, come home by all means, if you 
 want to get rich. Give up your commission, and think 
 no more about being President, or any thing else, but 
 come home and buy land before its all gone. 
 Your loving cousin, 
 
 EPHRAIM DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 191 
 
 P. S. Didn't Mr Holmes and Mr Sprague look rather 
 blue when they got the resolutions that our Legislator 
 passed, giving them such a mortal whipping ? 
 
 LETTER LVI. 
 
 In which Major Downing tells Jmo MrCflfi.ii p^f t $ st.np tn 
 that fuss in South Carolina^ hesideshushinsr up some 
 other quarrels. 
 
 Washington City, March 10, 1833. 
 
 To the editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church 
 building, 2nd story, eastern end, Fore street, away down east, in 
 the State of Maine, to be sent to Cousin Ephraim Downing, up in 
 Downingville, cause I spose he 's gone home before this time from 
 Augusta. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN EPHRAIM, I got your letter this morn 
 ing. It was a shame for them are Legislate!* folks to 
 skulk off without paying you for your apples. But they are 
 the worst folks about standing to their word that I know 
 of. They've promised me an office more than twenty 
 times, but some how or other, come to the case in hand, 
 their votes always went for somebody else. But I dont 
 care a fig for 'em as long as I've got the President on 
 my side, for his offices are as fat again as the Legislator 
 offices are. The President^ officesjaJU snpuort ajnan 
 well if he does n'tdo^aay thing at all. ' As soon 
 as Mi- Clay's" T^nrff-gflTpassed, the President called 
 me into his room, and says he, Major Downing, the nul 
 lification jig is up. There'll be no fun for you in South 
 Carolina now, and I guess you may as well let Sargent Joel 
 march the company back to Downingville, and wait till 
 somebody kicks up another bobbery some where and 
 then I'll send for 'em, for they are the likeliest company 
 I've seen since I went with my Tennesse rangers to 
 
192 LETTERS OP 
 
 New Orleans. And as for you Major Downing, you 
 shall still hold yojir^nmrninnion nnrjjTrrmdrrj^nlf p^Tj 
 holding yourself in readiness to march at a moment's 
 warning and to fight whenever called for. 
 
 So you see, Cousin Ephraim, I am pretty well to live 
 in the world, without any of your land speculations or 
 apple selling down east. I cant seem to see how 'tis 
 they all make money so fast in that land business down 
 there that you tell about. How could all our folks and 
 Bill Johnson and all of 'eni there in Downingville make a 
 thousand dollars apiece, jest a trading round among 
 themselves, when there aint fifty dollars in money, put 
 it all together, in the whole town. It rather puzzles me 
 a little. As soon as I see 'em all get their thousand dol 
 lars cash in hand, I guess I'll give up my commission 
 and come home and buy some land tu. 
 
 But at present I think I rather have a bird in the hand 
 than one in the bush. Our Congress folks here cleared 
 out about the same time that your Legislater folks did, 
 and I and the President have been rather lonesome a few 
 days. The old gentleman says I must n't leave him on 
 any account ; but I guess I shall start Joel and the com 
 pany off for Downingville in a day or two. They 've got 
 their clothes pretty much mended up, and they look 
 quite tidy. I should'nt feel ashamed to see 'em marched 
 through any city in the United States. 
 
 It is n't likely I shall have any thing to clo under my 
 commission very soon. For some say there '11 be no 
 more fighting in the country while Mr Clay lives, if it 
 should be a thousand years. He's got a master knack 
 of pacifying folks and hushing up quarrels as you ever 
 see. He's stopt all that fuss in South Carolina, that you 
 know was jest ready to blow the whole country sky high. 
 He stept up to 'em in Congress and told 'em what sort 
 of a Bill to pass, and they passed it without hardly any 
 jaw about it. And South Carolina has hauled in her 
 horns, and they say she'll be as calm as a clock now. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 193 
 
 And that is n't the only quarrel Mr Clay has stopt. Two 
 of the Senators, Mr Webster and Mr Poindexter, got as 
 mad as March hairs at each other. They called each 
 other some pesky hard names, and looked cross enough 
 for a week to bite a board nail off. Well, after Mr 
 Clay got through with South Carolina, he took them in 
 hand, He jest talked to 'em about five minutes, and 
 they got up and went and shook hands with each other, 
 and looked as loving as two brothers. 
 
 Then Mr Holmes got up and went to Mr Clay, and 
 almost with tears in his eyes asked him if he would n't 
 be so kind as to settle a little difficulty there was between 
 him and his constituents, so they might elect him to 
 come to Congress again. And I believe some of the 
 other Senators asked for the same favor. 
 
 So as there is likely to be peace now all round the 
 house for some time to come, I'm in a kind of a quanda 
 ry what course to steer this summer. The President 
 talks of taking a journey down east this summer, and he 
 wants me to go with him, because I'm acquainted there, 
 and can show him all about it. He has a great desire 
 to go as fur as Downingville, and get acquainted with 
 Uncle Joshua, who has always stuck by him in all 
 weathers through thick and thin. The President thinks 
 uncle Joshua is one of the republican pillars of New- 
 England, and says he shall always have the post office 
 as long as he lives, and his children after him. 
 
 I rather guess on the whole I shall come on that way 
 this summer with the President. But wherever I go, I 
 shall remain your loving cousin, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 17 
 
194 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER LVII. 
 
 In which Major Downing gives the result of a consultation 
 amongst the government on the question, Aether the 
 President should rftnlr grinds with the Fedex&lists dur 
 ing his journey down East. ""*** ~^* 
 
 Washington City, April 20, 1833. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church 
 building, second story eastern end, Fore Street, away down East 
 in the State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, Bern I hant writ to you 
 for some time, I'm afraid you and our folks up in Down- 
 ingville will begin to feel a little uneasy by and by, so 
 I'll jest write you a little if it aint but two lines, to let 
 you know how we get on here. I and the President 
 seem to enjoy ourselves pretty well together, though its 
 getting to be a little lonesome since the Congress folks 
 went off, and Sargeant Joel cleared out with my Down- 
 ingville Company. Poor souls, I wonder if they have 
 got home yet ; I have n't heard a word from 'em since 
 they left here. I wish you would send up word to Sar 
 geant Joel to write to me and let me know how they got 
 along. He can send his letter in your Currier, or get 
 uncle Joshua to frank it ; either way it wont cost me any 
 thing. Now I think of it, I wish you would jest ask 
 cousin Nabby to ask uncle Joshua to frank me on two 
 or three pair of stockings, for mine have got terribly out 
 at the heels. He can do it jest as well as not ; they 
 make nothing here of franking a bushel basket full of great 
 books to the western States. And they say some of the 
 members of Congress used to frank their clothes home 
 by mail to be washed. 
 
 I and the President are getting ready to come on that 
 way this summer. We shall come as far as Portland, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 195 
 
 and I expect we shall go up to Downingville ; for the 
 President says he must shake hands with uncle Joshua 
 before he comes back, that faithful old republican who 
 has stood by him through thick and thin ever since he 
 found he was going to be elected President. He will 
 either go up to Downingville, or send for Uncle Joshua 
 to meet him at Portland. 
 
 There is some trouble amongst us here a little, to know 
 how we shall get along among the federalists when we 
 come that way. They say the federalists in Massachu 
 setts want to keep the President all to themselves when 
 he comes there. But Mr Van Buren >ays that '11 never 
 do ; he must stick to the democratic party ; he may 
 shake hands with a federalist once in a while if the de 
 mocrats dont see him, but whenever there's any demo 
 crats round he mustn't look at a federalist. \iVir ivlc- 
 Lane armMfLlviilgiJlOll -adviac him-torther way, Tfrfcy 
 tell him he'd better treat the federalists pretty civik ar)d 
 shake hands with Mr \V ebster^as-q^nel^fs--fte wouid^rith 
 uncle Joshua Downing. And when they give this advice 
 Mr Lewis and Mr Kendle hop right up as mad as 
 march hairs, and tell him if he shakes hands with a sin 
 gle federalist while he is gone, the democratic party will 
 be^ ruined. And ihen ?n>~Prgsto > enTturns to me and 
 asks me wnat he had better do. And I tell him I guess 
 he better go straight ahead, and keep a stiff upper lip, 
 and shake hands with whoever he is a mind to. 
 
 Mr Van Buren staid with us awhile at the President's, 
 but he's moved into a house now on Pennsylvany Ave 
 nue. He's a fine slick man I can tell you, and the 
 President says he's the greatest man in America. He's 
 got the beat'em-est tongue that ever I see. If you had 
 a black hat on, he could go to talking to you and in ten 
 minutes he could make you think it was white. 
 
 Give my love to our folks up in Downingville when 
 you have a chance to send it to 'em, and believe me 
 your old friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
196 LETTERS OF 
 
 LETTER LVIII. 
 
 In which Major Downing defends the President from the 
 assault of Lieut. Randolph on board the Steam-boat 
 Cygnet. 
 
 On board the Steam-boat Cygnet, near the city of Alexandria, 
 down a little ways below Washington, May the 6th, 1833. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier in the Mariners' Church 
 Building, 2d story, Eastern end, Fore-street, away down East, in 
 the State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND. We've had a kind of a hurly 
 burly time here to-day. I did n't know but we should 
 burst the biler one spell ; and some of us, as it was, got 
 scalding hot. You see, I and the President and a few 
 more gentlemen got into the stearn-boat this morning to 
 go round into oldy^gjuny tn l>plp lay the foundation of 
 a monument, so they should n't forget who Wasjiiag; 
 ton's mother was. 
 
 When we got down along to Alexandria, the boat 
 hauled up to the side of the wharf awhile to let some 
 more folks get in, and while she lay there, I and the 
 President and a few more of 'em sot in the cabin read 
 ing and chatting with one another. The President had 
 jest got through reading a letter from uncle Joshua 
 Downing, urging him very strongly to come up as fur as 
 Downingville when he comes on that way. And says 
 he, Major Downing, this uncle Joshua of yours is a real 
 true blue republican as I know of any where. I would 
 n't miss seeing him when I go down east for a whole 
 year's salary. 
 
 Says I, your honor, Downingville is the most thorough 
 going republican town there is any where in the eastern 
 country ; and you ought not to come back till you have 
 visited it. Jest as I said that there was a stranger came 
 into the cabin and stept along up to the President, and 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 197 
 
 begun to pull off his glove. I thought there was some 
 mischief bruing, for his lips were kind of quivery, and I 
 did n't like the looks of his eyes a bit. But the Presi 
 dent thought he was trying to get his gloves off to shake 
 hands with him, and the good old man is always ready 
 to shake hands with a friend ; so he reached out his hand 
 to him and smiled, and told him never to stand for the 
 gloves, and the words want hardly out of his mouth 
 when dab went one of the fellow's hands-efetp illlt*^he 
 Pr e sidentjs_faeT 
 
 ^Tn^lTmWient I w^prf my ry 1 h ro ii^M~-t4^,;n a iJ? 
 head, and came pesky near fetching him to the floor. 
 Two more gentlemen then clenched him by the collar 
 and had him down as quick as ever you see a beef ox 
 knocked down with an ax. In a minute there was a 
 crowd round him as thick as a swarm of bees. 
 
 But, my stars, I wish you could have seen the Presi 
 dent jest at that minute. If you ever see a lion lying 
 down asleep and a man come along with a great club and 
 hit him a polt with all his might, and then see that lion 
 spring on his feet, and see the fire flash in his eyes, and 
 hear him roar and gnash his teeth, you might give some 
 sort of a guess what kind of a harry cane we had of it. 
 
 The old Gineral no sooner felt the fellow's paw in his 
 face than he sprung like a steel-trap, and catched his 
 cane and went at him. But there was such a crowd of 
 men there in an instant, that it as was much impossible to 
 get through 'em as it was for the British to get through 
 his pile of cotton wool bags at New-Orleans. If it had 
 n't been for that, I dont think but he would have kicked 
 the feller through the side of the steam-boat in two 
 minutes. 
 
 However, somehow or other the rascal got hussled out 
 of the boat on to the wharf, and fled like a dog that had 
 been stealing sheep. They have*senTSTJme officers after 
 him, but where they will overtake him nobody knows. 
 
 The President has got cleverly cooled down again, 
 17* 
 
198 LETTERS OF 
 
 and we are going on to lay the foundation of the mon 
 ument. 
 
 My love to all the good folks up in Downingville. 
 In haste your old friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LIX. 
 
 In which Major Downing shakes hands for the President 
 at Philadelphia, while on the grand tour down East. 
 
 To Uncle Joshua Downing, Post Master, up in Downingville, in 
 the State of Maine. This to be sent by my old friend, the Editor 
 of the Portland Courier, with care and speed. 
 
 Philadelphia, June 10, 1833. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA, We are coming on full chisel. 
 I've been trying, ever since we started, to get a chance 
 to write a little to you ; but when we've been on the 
 road I couldn't catch my breath hardly long enough to 
 write my name, we kept flying so fast ; and when we 
 made any stop, there was such a jam round us there 
 wasn't elbow room enough for a miskeeter to turn round 
 without knocking his wings off. 
 
 I'm most afraid now we shall get to Downingville be 
 fore this letter does, so that we shall be likely to catch 
 you all in the suds before you think of it. But I under 
 stand there is a fast mail goes on that way, and I mean 
 to send it by that, so I'm in hopes you'll get it time 
 enough to have the children's faces washed and their 
 heads combed, and the gals get on their clean gowns. 
 And if Sargent Joel could have time enough to call out 
 my old Downingville Company and get their uniform 
 brushed up a little, and come down the road as fur as 
 your new barn to meet us, there's nothing that would 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 199 
 
 please the President better. As for victuals, most any 
 thing wont come amiss ; we are as hungry as bears after 
 travelling a hundred miles a day. A little fried pork 
 and eggs, or a pot of baked beans and an Indian pud 
 ding would suit us much better than the soft stuff they 
 give us here in these great cities. 
 
 The President wouldn't miss of seeing you for any 
 thing in the world, and he will go to Downingville if he 
 has legs and arms enough left when he goes to Portland 
 to carry him there. But for fear any thing should hap 
 pen that he shouldn't be able to come, you had better 
 meet us in Portland, say about the 22d, and then you can 
 go up to Downingville with us, you know. 
 
 This travelling with the President is capital fun after 
 all, if it wasn't so plaguy tiresome. We come into Bal 
 timore on a Rail Road, and we flew over the ground 
 like a harrycane. There isn't a horse in this country 
 that could keep up with us, if he should go upon the 
 clean clip. When we got to Baltimore, the streets were 
 filled with folks as thick as the spruce trees down in 
 your swamp. There we found Black Hawk, a little, 
 old, dried up Indian king. And I thought the folks 
 looked at him and the prophet about as much as they 
 did at me and the President. I gave the President a 
 wink that this Indian fellow was taking the shine off of 
 us a little, so we concluded we~wOuldll'i have him in our 
 company any more, and shall go on without him. 
 
 I cant stop to tell you in this letter how we got along 
 to Philadelphy, though we had a pretty easy time some 
 of the way in the steam-boats. And I cant stop to tell 
 you, of half of the fine things I have seen here. They 
 took us up into a great hall this morning as big as a 
 meeting-house, and then the folks begun to pour in by 
 thousands to shake hands with the President ; federalists 
 and all, it made no difference. There was such a stream 
 of 'em coming in that the hall was full in a few minutes, 
 and it was so jammed up round the door that they 
 
200 LETTERS OP 
 
 couldn't get out again if they were to die. So they had 
 to knock out some of the windows and go out t'other 
 way. 
 
 The President shook hands with all his might an hour 
 or two, till he got so tired^ti^couldn't hardly stand it. I 
 took hold and shook for him once in awhile to help him 
 along, but at last he got so tired he had to lay down on 
 a soft bench covered with cloth and shake as well as he 
 could, and when he couldn't shake he'd nod to 'em as 
 they come along. And at last he got so beat out, he 
 couldn't only wrinkle his forward and wink. Then I 
 kind of stood behind him and reached mv arm round r 
 .iinj^rjiin, jjnrl s^onh for Hr^frr ao^tlL-u llfCltan hour as 
 StfnTas I could spring. TheriVe concluded it was best 
 to adjourn for to-day. 
 
 And I've made out to get away up into the garret in 
 the tavern long enough to write this letter. We shall be 
 off to-morrow or next day for York, and if I can possi 
 bly get breathing time enough there, I shall write to you 
 again. 
 
 Give my love to all the folks in Downingville, and be 
 lieve me your loving neffu, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LX. 
 
 In which the President and Major Downing have a very 
 narrow escape at the breaking down of the bridge in New, 
 York 
 
 To uncle Joshua Downing, Post Master up in Downingville, State 
 of Maine, to be sent in the Portland Courier with care and 
 speed. 
 
 NEW YORK CITY, Friday evening, June 14, 1833. 
 
 DEAR UNCLE JOSHUA, Here we are amongst an 
 
 ocean of folks, and cutting up capers as high as a cat's 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 201 
 
 back. I spose you will see by the papers how we all 
 ot drowned vp^tnrdnv p-pin^ across a little bridge 
 between the castle and tl 
 
 It was a pesky~narrow squeak for me and the Presi 
 dent. He was riding over on a great fine hoss, and I 
 was walking along by the side of him and trying to 
 clear the way a little, for they crowded upon us so, there 
 was no getting along, and hardly a chance to breathe. 
 When we got under the arch we stopped a little bit for 
 the crowd to clear away, when all at once I thought I 
 heard something crack. Says I, Gineral, you better go 
 ahead, I'm afraid there's mischief bruing here. At that 
 he give his hoss a lick and pushed through the crowd, 
 but we had n't got more than a rod, before crash went 
 the bridge behind us, all down in a heap, and two loTl- 
 hflftao'S^on lop uf it "and as many as a hundred folks 
 splashed into the water, all mixed up together one top 
 of 'tother. The President looked over his shoulder, and 
 seeing I was safe behind him, called out for Mr Van 
 Buren, and asked me to run and see if he was hurt. I 
 told him he had forgot himself, for Mr Van Buren was 
 n't in the company ; but Mr VVoodbury and Mr Cass 
 were in for it, for I could see them floundering about in 
 the water now. Run, Major, said the President, run and 
 give them a lift. Take Mr Woodbury first, you know I 
 can't spare him at any rate. 
 
 So there was a parcel of us took hold and went to 
 hauling of 'em out of the water like so many drownded 
 rats. But we got 'em all out alive, except a few young 
 things they called dandies ; they looked so after they 
 got wet all over that we could n't make out whether they 
 were alive or dead. So we laid 'em up to dry and left 
 'em ; and I went on to help the President review the 
 troops on the battery, as they call it ; and a grand place 
 it is tu. I've seen more fine shows here, it seems to me, 
 than ever I see before in my life. Such a sight of folks, 
 and fine ladies, and fine houses, and vessels, and steam- 
 
202 LETTERS OP 
 
 boats, and flags a flying, and cannons firing, and fire 
 works a whisking about, I never see the beat of it. I, 
 didn't think there was so much fun in this world before, 
 for all I've been about so much at Madawaska and among 
 the nullifiers and all round. 
 
 But I cant tell you much about it till we get there, for 
 I cant find any time to write. I've only catched a few 
 minutes this evening while the President is gone into 
 Mr Niblo's garden. One of the master sights that I've 
 seen yet was that balloon that went up this afternoon, 
 carrying a man with it. Poor fellow, I dont much think 
 he'll ever get back again, for he looked to me the last I 
 see of him as though he would land in England, or the 
 moon, or some other country. 
 
 All these sights keep us back a little longer than we 
 expected. I dont think now we shall be in Portland be 
 fore the 28th or 29th of this month. So I thought I'd 
 jest write you a line that you might be down there about 
 that time. 
 
 In haste your loving neffu, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LXI. 
 
 In ivhich Major Downing describes the visit of the Presi 
 dent at^Boston, and also complains of the rascally coun- 
 terfeJJ^K^that write letter^m his-namefor the newspapers. 
 
 [Note by the Editor. It will be recollected that the President 
 while in Boston, was for a few days seriously ill.] 
 
 Boston, Tuesday, June 25, 1833. 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, I'm keeping house with 
 the President to day, and bein he's getting considerable 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 203 
 
 better, I thought I'd catch a chance when he was taking 
 a knap, and write a little to let you know how we get 
 along. This ere sickness of the President has been a 
 bad pull-back to us. He hasn't been able to go out 
 since Sunday afternoon, and I've been watchin with him 
 this two nights, and if I wasn't as tough as a halter, I 
 should be half dead by this time. 
 
 And if the President want tougher than a catamount, 
 he'd kick the bucket before he'd been round to see one 
 half the notions there is in Boston. Poor man, he has 
 a hard time of it ; you've no idea how much he has to 
 go through. It's worse than being dragged through for 
 ty knot holes. 
 
 To be bamboozled about from four o'clock in the 
 morning; till midnight, rain or shine, jammed into one 
 great house to eat .a bxakfast, and into another great 
 house to eat a dinner, and into another to eat supper, 
 and into two or three others between meals, to eat cool- 
 iations, and to have to go out and revjew thr^fi-QX^foui* 
 rigirnents of troops, and then to be jammed into Funnel 
 Hall two hours, and shake hands with three or four 
 thousand folks, and then to goUTto the Slate-House and 
 stand there two or three hours and see all Boston stream 
 ing through it like a river through a sawmill, and then 
 to ride abouUtJj^jeity' awhile in a fine painted covered 
 waggoirTntfrtoui* or five horses to draw it, and then ride 
 awhile in one without any cover to it, finney-fined off to 
 the top notch, and then get on to the horses and ride 
 awhile a horseback, and then run into a great picture 
 room and seVTmore'iine pictures than you could shake a 
 stick at in a week, and then go into some grand gentle 
 man's house, and shake hands a half an hour with a 
 flock of ladies, and then after supper go and have a lit 
 tle still kind of a hubbub all alone with three or four 
 hundred particular friends, and talk an hour or two, and 
 take another cooliation, and then go home, and about 
 midnight get ready to go to bed, and up again at four 
 
204 LETTERS OF 
 
 o'clock the next morning and at it. If this aint enough to 
 tucker a feller out I dont know what is. The President 
 wouldn't have stood it till this time if he hadn't sent me 
 and Mr Van Buren and the rest of us to some of the 
 parties, while he staid to home to rest. 
 
 The President's got so much better I think we shall 
 be able to start for Salem to-morrow, for we must go 
 through with it now we've begun, as hard work as 'tis. 
 I think we shall get to Portland about the 4th of July ; 
 so if you get your guns and things all ready you can 
 kill two birds with one stone. I hope you'll be pretty 
 careful there how you point your guns. They pointed 
 'em so careless at New York that one of the wads come 
 within six inches of making daylight shine through the 
 President. 
 
 Now I think ont, there is the most rascally set of fel 
 lers skulking about somewhere in this part of the coun 
 try that ever I heard of, and I wish you would blow 'em 
 up. They are worse than the pick-pockets. I mean 
 them are fellers that's got to wrjtin 
 my name to 'em, and sending of 7 em tothe, printers. 
 And ITieard there WSS onesassy feller last Saturday 
 down to Newburyport that got on to a horse, and rid 
 about town calling himself Major Jack Downing, and 
 all the soldiers and the folks marched up and shook 
 hands with him, and thought it was me. Now, my dear 
 old friend, isn't this too bad 1 What would you do if 
 you was in my case 1 I say again they are worse than 
 the pick-pockets. Isn't it Mr Shakespeare that says 
 something about * he that steals my munny-pus steals 
 trash, but he that steals my name ought to have his head 
 broke ?' I wish you would find that story and print it. 
 
 There, the President's jest waked up, so I must sub 
 scribe myself, in haste, Your friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 205 
 
 LETTER LXII. 
 
 In which the President and the rest of 'em turn a short 
 Corner at Concord and set their faces towards Wash 
 ington. 
 
 Hamsheer, June 30, 1833. 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, The jig is all up about our 
 going to Portland and Downingville. I've battled the 
 watch with the President this two days about it, and told 
 him he must go there if he had the breath of life in him ; 
 and he kept telling me he certainly would if horses could 
 carry him there. 
 
 But the PrpaiHpnt Jp n't vPfy WP!! T and that aint the 
 worst of it ; there 's been a little difficulty bruin among 
 us, and the President's got so riled about it, that he's 
 finally concluded to atprt nn his way hngk to morrow. 
 I cant help it ; but I feel bad erioughaljotlt-*t. If I 
 wasn't a military man J could cry a barrel of tears. 
 
 I dont know how they will stan it in Downingville 
 when they come to get the news. I'm afraid there will 
 be a master uproar there, for you know they are all full- 
 blooded democrats. 
 
 But the stage is jest agoing to start, and I've only 
 time to write you this line, in haste from your friend, 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING, 
 
206 LETTERS OP 
 
 LETTER LXIII. 
 
 In which cousin Nobby describes the unutterable disap 
 pointment at Downingville because the President did n't 
 flfme, and tells whai a terrible pucker ant Keziah was 
 in about it. 
 
 GREAT UPROAR IN DOWNINGVILLE. 
 
 Letter from Major Downing's Cousin Nabby to the editor of the 
 Portland Courier. 
 
 RESPECTABLE SIR: As cousin Jack is always so 
 mity budge in writing letters to you, and as he and the 
 President has showed us a most provoking trick and 
 run off like a stream of chalk back to Washington with 
 out coming here, after they had promised over and over 
 again that they would come, and we had got all slicked 
 up and our clean gownds on, and more good victuals 
 cooked, than there ever was in all Downingville before, 
 I say, Mr Editor, I declare it's tu bad ; we are all as 
 mad as blazes about it, and I mea'n to write and tell you 
 all about it if I live, and if cousin Jack dont like it he 
 may lump it, so there now. 
 
 Ye see cousin Jack writ to us that he and the Presi 
 dent and some more gentlemen should be here the 4th 
 of July, and we must spring to it and brush up and see 
 how smart we could look and how many fine things we 
 could show to the President. This was a Saturday be 
 fore the 4th of July come a Thursday. The letter was 
 to Uncle Joshua, the Post Master. Most all the folks in 
 Downingville were at the Post Office waiting when the 
 mail come in, for we expected to hear from Jack. 
 
 Uncle Joshua put on his spettacles and opened the 
 mail and hauled out the papers and letters in a bunch. 
 In a minute I see one to Uncle Joshua with the Presi 
 dent's name on the outside ; so I knew it was from Jack, 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 207 
 
 for the President always puts his name on Jack's let 
 ters. We all cried out to Uncle Joshua to open it and 
 let us know what was in it. But he's such a provoking 
 odd old man he would n't touch it till he got every one 
 of the papers and letters sorted and put up in their 
 places. And then he took it and set down in his arm 
 chair, and took out his tobacker box and took a chaw 
 of tobacker, and then he broke open the seal and sot 
 and chawed and read to himself. We all stood tiptoe 
 with our hearts in our mouths, and he must needs read 
 It over to himself three times, chawing his old quid and 
 once in awhile giving us a knowing wink, before he 
 would tell us what was in it. And he would n't tell 
 us arter all, but, says he, you must all be ready to put 
 the best side out Thursday morning ; there'll be business 
 to attend to, such as Downingville never see before. 
 
 At that we all cut and run, and such a hubbub as we 
 were in from that time till Thursday morning I guess 
 you never see. Such a washing and^crubbing and 
 making new clothes and menchng oldones and baking 
 and cooking^J^very thing seemed to be in a clutter all 
 over the neighborhood. Sargent Joel flew round like a 
 ravin-distracted rooster. He called out his company 
 every morning before sun-rise and marched 'em up and 
 down the road three hours every day. He sent to the 
 store and got a whole new set of buttons and had 'em 
 sowed on to his regimental coat, and had a new piece of 
 red put round the collar. And had his trowses washed 
 and his boots greesed, and looked as though he might 
 take the shine off of most any thing. But the greatest 
 rumpus was at uncle Joshua's ; for they said the Presi 
 dent must stay "there all nigfht. And^aul Ke,z.iah was in 
 such a pucker to have every^tlnng^mce, I did n't know 
 but she would fly off the handle. 
 
 She had every part of the house washed from garret 
 to cellar, and the floors all sanded, and a bunch of green 
 bushes put into all the fire places. And she baked three 
 
208 LETTERS OF 
 
 ovens full of dried punkin pies v besides a few dried 
 huckleberry pies, and cake, and a great pot ofporji.and 
 beans. But the worsftrbuble was to fix up tinTbed^so 
 as to look nice ; for ant Keziah declared the President 
 should have as good a night's lodging in her house as he 
 had in New York or Boston. So she put on two feather 
 beds on top the straw bed, and a bran new calico quilt 
 that she made the first summer after she was married 
 and never put it on a bed before. And to make it look as 
 nice as the New York beds, she took her red silk gown 
 and ripped it up and made a blanket to~spreaa over iht^ 
 len sheT hung Up some sheets all round the 
 bed-room, and the gals brought in a whole handful of 
 roses and pinks and pinned 'em up round as thick as flies 
 in August. 
 
 After we got things pretty much fixed, uncle Joshua 
 started off to meet cousin Jack and the President, and 
 left Sargent Joel to put matters to rights, and told us 
 we must all be ready and be paraded in the road by 
 nine o'clock Thursday morning. Well Thursday morn 
 ing come, and we all mustered as soon as it was day 
 light and dressed up. The children were all washed 
 and had their clean aprons on and their heads combed 
 and were put under the care of the schoolmarm to be 
 paraded along with her scholers. 
 
 About eight o'clock all the village got together down 
 the road as fur as uncle Joshua's new barn ; and Sar 
 gent Joel told us how to stand, as he said, in militery 
 order. He placed Bill Johnson and cousin Ephraim 
 out a little ways in front with each of 'em a great long 
 fowling piece with a smart charge in to fire a salute, and 
 told 'fern as soon as the President hove in sight to let 
 drive, only be careful and pint their guns up so as not 
 to hurt any body. Then come Sargent Joel and his 
 company ; and then come the schoolmarm and the 
 children ; and then come all the women and gals over 
 sixteen with ant Reziah at their head ; and then come 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 209 
 
 all the men in town that owned horses riding on horse 
 back ; and all the boys that Sargent Joel did n't think 
 was large enough to walk in the profession got up and 
 sot on the fences along by the side of the road. 
 
 There we stood till about nine o'clock, when sure 
 enough we saw somebody corne riding out of the woods 
 down the hill. The boys all screamed ready to split 
 their throats hoorah for Jackson, and Bill Johnson fired 
 off his gun. Cousin Ephraim, who aint so easy flut 
 tered, held on to his and did n't fire, for he could n't 
 see any body but uncle Joshua on his old grey horse. 
 Along come uncle Joshua on a slow trot, and we looked 
 and looked, but could n't see any body coming behind 
 him. 
 
 Then they all begun to look at one another as wild as 
 hawks and turn all manner of colors. When uncle 
 Joshua got up so we could see him pretty plain he look 
 ed as cross as a thunder cloud. He rid up to Sargent 
 Joel, and says he, you may all go home about your 
 business, and put away your knick-nacks, for Jack and 
 the President are half way to Washington by this time. 
 
 My stars ! what a time there was then. I never see 
 so many folks boiling o\iaj mad_hefore.. Bill Johnson 
 threw his gun over into the field as much as ten rods, 
 and hopped up and down and struck his fists together 
 like all possessed. Sargent Joel marched back and 
 forth across the road two or three times, growing red 
 der and redder, till at last he drew out his sword and 
 fetched a blow across a hemlock stump and snapped it 
 off like a pipe stem. Ant Keziah felidowjijn ^con- 
 niption fit ; and it waT all huufWfore we could bring 
 her tu a~nd get ner into the house. And when she come 
 to go round the house and see the victuals she had cook 
 ed up, and go into the bed-room and see her gown all 
 cut up, she went into conniption fits again and had 'em 
 half the night. But she's better to day, and has gone to 
 work to try to patch up her gown again. 
 18* 
 
210 LETTERS Of 
 
 I thought I would jest let you know about these 
 things, and if you are a mind to send word on to cousin 
 Jack and the President, I'm willing. You may tell 'em 
 there aint five folks in Downingville that would hoorah 
 for Jackson now, and I dont believe there's one that 
 would vote for him unless 'tis uncle Joshua, and he 
 would n't if he was n't afraid of losing the post office. 
 
 But there, uncle Joshua has called to me and says he 
 wont keep the mail open another minute for my letter, 
 so I must prescribe myself your respected friend, 
 
 NABBY DOWNING. 
 
 NOMINATION FOR THE PRESIDENCY. 
 
 From the National Intelligencer. 
 
 We do not know whether it be necessary * in copying 
 the subjoined effusion, to enter into a protest against 
 misinterpretation of our motives. We should be sorry 
 to be understood, whilst^ humoring a jest, as meaning 
 to burlesque so serious an action as the choice of Presi 
 dent of the United States. We copy the following for 
 the sake of its moral, as well as its wit, and we do not 
 like the moral the less for being taught with a smiling 
 
 countenance. 
 
 From the Mauch Chunk Courier. 
 
 Our next President. 
 
 Many of the papers in the United States have already 
 manifested a disposition to agitate the subject of the next 
 Presidency, and several distinguished individuals have 
 been informally named for that office, among whom are 
 Mr Van Buren, Mr M'Lean, Mr Cass, Mr Clay and Mr 
 Webster. As we are opposed to a premature discussion 
 of this ticklish question, we have not hitherto committed 
 ourself in favour of either of these individuals. Indeed, 
 we have considered it very imprudent in these times, for 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 211 
 
 any one who wishes to be an orthodox politician, to 
 " come out " for any body until he can ascertain who 
 will be most likely to succeed. Accordingly we have 
 stood upon our "reserved rights" of neutrality, to watch 
 the signs of the times, and see who would probably be 
 the most popular candidate. Recent indications have 
 satisfactorily convinced us on that point, and as we wish 
 to be considered among the "originals" the real Si 
 mon Pures, we would lose no time in nominating 
 
 For President, 
 MAJOR JA.CKJTlOWNTNfl. 
 
 Of Downingviile. ~^*+* 
 
 In recommending this distinguished personage to our 
 fellow citizens, it will be scarcely necessary to enume 
 rate his various claims to their suffrages. Suffice it to 
 say, his military renown, his valuable public services in 
 assisting President Jackson to put down the Nullifiers, 
 especial^ ^n shaking hands with the Yankees "down 
 east," and last though not least, the fidelity with which 
 he and his uncle Joshua stuck to the Old Hero after he 
 found he was going to be President, eminently qualify 
 him for that exalted station. 
 
 LETTER LX1V. 
 
 In which Major Downing tells about going to Cambridge 
 and making the President a Doctor of 
 
 On board the Steam-boat, going from Providence to York, July 
 2, 1833. 
 
 To my old friend, the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mari 
 ners' Church building, second story, eastern end, Fore street, 
 away down east in the State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND. We are driving back again full 
 chisel, as fast as we come on when we were on the Rail 
 
LETTERS OF 
 
 Road between Washington and Baltimore. And we Ve 
 been drivin so fast on a round turn in all the places 
 where we've been, and have had so much shaking hands 
 and eating and one thing another to do, that I could n't 
 get time to write to you at half the places where I want 
 ed to, so 1 thought I'd set down now, while the Presi 
 dent's laid down to rest him awhile, and tell you some 
 thing about Cambridge and Lowell. Ye see when we 
 were at Boston they sent word to us to come out to Cam 
 bridge, for they wanted to make the President -aj&octpr" 
 of Laws. What upon arth a jJoc'lUr'bT .Liawswas, or 
 'why they wanted to make the President one, I could n't 
 think. So when we come to go up to bed I asked the 
 Gineral about it. And says I, Gineral, what is it they 
 want to do to you out to Cambridge 1 Says he they want 
 to make a Doctor of Laws of me. Well, says I, but 
 what good will that do 1 Why, says he, you know Major 
 Downing, there's a pesky many of them are laws parsed 
 by Congress, that are rickety things. Some of*em have 
 very poor constitutions, and some of 'em have n't no 
 constitutions at all. So that it is necessary to have 
 somebody tfeere to Doctor 'em up a little, and not let 
 'em go out into the world where they " would stan a 
 chance to catch cold and be sick, without they had good 
 constitutions to bear it. You know, says he, I have had 
 to doctor the Laws considerable ever since I've been at 
 Washington, although I was n't a regular bred Doctor. 
 And I made out so well about it, that these Cambridge 
 folks think I better be made into a regular Doctor at 
 once, and then there '11 be no grum&ling^and disputing 
 about my practice. Says he, Major, what do you think 
 of it 1 I told him I thought it was an excellent plan ; 
 and asked him if he did n't think they would be willing, 
 bein I'd been round in the military business considerable 
 for a year or two past, to make^ne a Doctor of War. 
 He said he did n't know, but he thought it would be no * 
 harm to try 'em. But says he, Major, I feel a little kind 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 213 
 
 of streaked about it after all ; for they say they will go 
 to talking to me in Latin, and although I studied it a 
 little once, I dont know any more about it now than the 
 man in the moon. And how I can ge along in that case 
 I dont know. I told him my way, when any body talked 
 to me in a lingo that I did'nt understand, was jest to say 
 nothing, but look as knowing as any of 'em, and then 
 they ginerally thought I knew a pesky sight more than 
 any of 'em. At that the Giueral fetched me a slap on 
 my shoulder, and haw hawed right out. Says he, Major 
 Downing, you are the boy for me ; I dont know how I 
 should get along in this world if it was n't for you. 
 
 So when we got ready we went right to Cambridge as 
 bold as could be. And that are Cambridge is a real 
 pretty place; it seems to me I should like to live in them 
 Colleges as well as any place I've ssen. We went into 
 the Libry, and I guess I stared a little,- for I did n't 
 think before there was half so many books in the world. 
 I should think there was near about enough to fill a 
 meetin bouse. I dont believe they was ever all read or 
 ever will be to all ages. 
 
 When we come to go in to be made Doctors of, there 
 was a terrible crowding round ; but they give us a good 
 place, and then sure enough they did begin to talk in 
 Latin or some other gibberish ; but whether they were 
 talking to the Gineral, or who 'twas, I could n't tell. I 
 guess the Gineral was a little puzzled. But he never 
 said a word, only once in a while bowed a little. And 
 I spose he happened sometimes to put in the bows in the 
 wrong place, for I could see some of the sassy students 
 look up one side once in a while, and snicker out of one 
 corner of their mouths. Howsornever the Gineral stood 
 it out like a hero, and got through very well. And when 
 'twas over, I stept up to Mr Quincy and asked him if he 
 would n't be so good as to make me a Doctor of War, 
 and hinted to him a little about my services down to 
 Madawasca and among the nullifiers. At that he made 
 
214 LETTERS OF 
 
 me a very polite bow, and says he, Major Downing, we 
 should be very happy to oblige you if we could, but we 
 never give any degrees of war here ; all our degrees are 
 degrees of peace.,- Ho 1 find 1 snail have to practise war 
 in the natural way, let nullification, or what will, come. 
 After 'twas all over we went to Mr Quincy's and had a 
 capital dinner. And on the whole had about as good a 
 visit to Cambridge as most any where. 
 
 I meant to a told you considerable about Lowell, but 
 the steamboat goes so fast, I shant have time to. We 
 went all over the Factories ; and there ! I wont try to 
 say one word about 'em, for I've been filled with such a 
 wonderment ever since, that my ideas are all as big as 
 hay stacks, and if I should try to get one of 'em out of 
 my head, it would tear it all to pieces. It beat all that 
 ever I heard of before, and the Gineral said it beat all 
 that ever he heard of. But what made the Gineral hold 
 his head up and feel more like a soldier, than he had 
 before since he was at New Orleans, was when we 
 marched along the street by them are five thousand gals, 
 all dressd up and looking as pretty as a million of but 
 terflies. The Gineral marched along as light as a boy, 
 and seems to me I never see his eyes shine so bright 
 afore. After we got along about to the middle of 'em, 
 he whispered to me, and says he, Major Downing, is 
 your Cousin Nabby here among 'em ; if she is, I must 
 be introduced to her. I told him she was not ; as they 
 were expecting us to come to Downingville, she staid 
 to home to help get ready. Well, says he, if any thing 
 should happen that we can't go to Downingville, you 
 must send for your Cousin Nabby and Uncle Joshua to 
 come on to Washington to see me. I will bear all the 
 expenses, if they will only come, says he ; these north 
 ern gals are as much afore our southern and western 
 gals as can be, and I've thought of your Cousin Nabby 
 a great deal lately he looked as though he was going 
 to say something more, but Mr Van Buren and the rest 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 215 
 
 of 'em crowded along up so near that it broke it off, and 
 we had to go along. 
 
 I see we've got most to York, and shall have to go ashore 
 in a few minutes, so I can't write any more now, but 
 remain your sincere and loving friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LXV. 
 
 In which Major Downing tells about the quarrel that he and 
 flnpmrd after~they wenTlFp~cJmtn2 
 
 her to bed; and also declares his intention to run for ike, 
 Presidency* 
 
 Washington City, July 20, 1833. 
 
 To my old friend, the editor of the Portland Courier, away down 
 east in the State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, YOU. I dont know but you 
 might think strange on 't, that I should be back here to 
 Washington more than a fortnight, and not* write to you. 
 But I hant forgot you. You need n't never be afraid of 
 that. We aint very apt to forget our best friends ; and 
 you may depend upon it Jack Downing will never forget 
 the editor of the Portland Courier anymore than Andrew 
 Jackson will forget Jack Downing. You was the first 
 person that ever give me a lift into public life, and you 
 Ve been a boosting me along ever since. And jest be 
 tween you and rue I think I 'm getting into a way now 
 where I shall be able by and by to do something to pay you 
 for it. The reason that I have n't writ to you before, is, 
 that we have had pretty serious business to attend to sincS 
 we got back. But we Ve jest got through with it, and 
 Mr Van Buren has cleared out and gone back about the 
 quickest to New York, and I guess with a bed-bug in his 
 
216 LETTERS OF 
 
 ear. Now jest between you and me in confidence, I '11 
 tell you how 't is ; but pray dont let on about it to any 
 body else for the world. Did n't you think plaguy 
 strange what made us cut back so quick from Concord 
 without going to Portland or Portsmouth or Downing- 
 ville ? You know the papers have said it was because 
 the President ^want very well, and the President had to 
 make that excuse himself in some of his letters ; but it 
 was no such ^hing-. The President could a marched on 
 foot twenty miles a. day then, and only let him been at 
 the head of my Downingville company and he 'd a 
 made a whole British regiment scamper Jike a flock of 
 sheep. 
 
 But you see the trouble ont was, there was somediff^ 
 ?ulty between I and Mr Van Buren. Some how or other 
 Lr Van JtSuren always looked kind of jealous at me^all 
 the time after he met us at New York ; and I couIcTh't 
 help minding every time the folks hollered hoorah for 
 Major Downing' he would turn as red as a blaze of fire. 
 
 And wherever we stopped to take a bite or to have a 
 chat, he would always work it, if he could, somehow or 
 other SO as to crowr^ In hnliirfjPn ^ n "d tne President. 
 Well, ye see, I wouldn't mind much about it, but would 
 jest step round 'tother side. And though I say it my 
 self, the folks would look at me, let me be on which side 
 I would ; and after they'd cried hoorah for the President, 
 they'd most always sing out l hoorah for Major Down 
 ing.' Mr Van Buren kept growing more and more fidg 
 ety till we got to Concord. And there we had a room 
 full of sturdy old oftmocTfcts of New Hampshire, and 
 after they had all flockechround the old President and 
 shook hands with him, he kgjpp" ^ to Jntrndnr? mr to 
 smjjp. of 'prft before he fodMr Van Buren. At thaTtfrfe 
 fat was all in the fire. IvTr Van BurerPwheeled about 
 and marched out of the room looking as though he could 
 bite a board nail off. The President had to send for 
 him three times before he could get him back into the 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 217 
 
 room again. And when he did come, he didn't speak 
 to me for the whole evening. However we kept it from 
 the company pretty much ; but when we "borne to go up 
 to bed that i?iiht. w ^ hflfi n rAa1 quarrel. It was noth- 
 
 ,^^^^*^+^^*^ ^ ^ 0| 
 
 ing but jaw, jaw, the whole night. Mr Woodbury and 
 Mr Cass tried to pacify us all they could, but it was all 
 in vain, we didn't one of us get a wink of sleep, and 
 shouldn't if the night had lasted a fortnight. Mr Van 
 Buren said the President had dishonored the country by 
 placing a military Major on half pay before the second 
 officer of the go vein me ill. Tht PiCsicTent begged him 
 to consider that I was a very particular friend of his ; 
 that I had been a great help to him at both ends of the 
 country ; that I had kept the British out of Madawaska 
 away down in Maine, and had marched my company 
 clear from Downingville to "Washington, on my way to 
 South Carolina, to put down the nullifiers ; and he 
 thought I was entitled to as much respect as any man 
 in the country. % 
 
 This nettled Mr Van Buren peskily. He said he 
 thought it was a fine time of day if a raw jockey from 
 an obscure village away down east, jest because he had 
 a .Major's commission, was going to throw the Vice^ 
 Preside^ojJtheJIiji^d States and +Vi i^^s of ^^- 
 ments into the bac^-gronnd .^ At this my dander began 
 to rise, and 1 stepped right up to him; and says I, Mr 
 Van Buren, you are the last man that ought to call me 
 a jockey. And if you'll go to Downingville and stand 
 up before my company with Sarjeant Joel at their head, 
 and call Downingville an obscure village, I'll let you use 
 my head for a foot-ball as long as you live afterwards. 
 For if they wouldn't blow you into ten thousand atoms, 
 I'll never guess again. We got so high at last that the 
 old President hopt off the bed like a boy ; for he had 
 laid down to rest him, bein it was near daylight, though 
 he couldn't get to sleep. And says he, Mr Donaldson, 
 set down and write Mr Anderson at Portland, and my 
 19 
 
218 LETTERS OF 
 
 friend Joshua Downing at Downingville, that I can't 
 come. I'm goinff to sJ^jU^-foft^^ffashington this morning. 
 What, says JYTFTass, and not goto Portsmouth and Ex 
 eter and round there ! I tell you, says the President, 
 I'm going to start for Washington this morning, and in 
 three days I'll be there. What, says Mr Woodbury, 
 and not go to Portland, where they have spent so much 
 money to get ready for us ! I tell you, says the Presi 
 dent, my foot is down :. I go not a step further, but turn 
 about this morning for Washington. What, says I, and 
 not go to Downingville, what will Uncle Joshua say 1 
 At this the President looked a little hurt ; and says he, 
 Major Downing, I can't help it. As for going any fur 
 ther with such a din as this about my ears, I cannot, 
 and will not, and I am resolved not to budge another 
 inch. And sure enough the President was as good as 
 his word, and we were all packed up by sunrise, and in 
 three days we were in Washington. 
 
 And here we've been ever since, battling the watch 
 about the next Presidency. Mr Van Burensays the 
 President promised it to him, and now he charges me 
 and the Presidentjvith a plot to work 
 leave him out. Irs true JVe geTTTTTominated in a 
 many papers, in the National Intelligencer, and, in the 
 Munch Chunk Courier prjnted away off among the coal 
 diggers in Pennsylvany, and a good many more. And 
 them are Pennsylvany chaps are real pealers for elect 
 ing folks when they take hold ; and that's what makes 
 Mr Van Buren so uneasy. The President tells him as 
 he has promised to help him, he shall do what he can 
 for him ; but if the folks will vote for me he can't help 
 it. Mr Van Buren wanted I should come out in the 
 National Intelligencer and resign, and so be put up for 
 Vice President under him. But I told him no ; bein it 
 had gone so fur I wouldn't do nothing about it. I hadn't 
 asked for the office, and if the folks had a mind to give 
 it to me I wouldn't refuse it. So after we had battled 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 219 
 
 it about a fortnight, Mr Van Buren found it was no use 
 to try to dicker with me, and he's cleared out and gone 
 to New York to see what he can do there. 
 
 I never thought of getting in to be President so soon, 
 though I've had a kind of hankering for it this two years. 
 But now,*seeing it's turned out as it has, I'm determined 
 to make a bold push, and if I can get in by the free 
 votes of the people, I mean to. The President says he 
 rather I should have it than any body else, and if he 
 hadn't promised Mr Van Buren beforehand, he would 
 use his influence for me. 
 
 I remember when I was a boy about a dozen years 
 old, there was an old woman come to our house to tell 
 fortunes. And after she'd told the rest of 'em, father 
 says he, here's Jack, you haven't told his fortune yet, 
 and I dont spose it's worth a telling, for he's a real 
 mutton-headed boy. At that the old woman catched 
 hold of my hair, and pulled my head back and looked 
 into my face, and I never shall forget how she looked 
 right through me, as long as I live. At last, says she, 
 and she gin me a shove that sent me almost through the 
 side of the house, Jack will beat the whole of you. He 
 '11 be a famous climber in his day, and wherever he sets 
 out to climb, you may depend upon it, he will go to the 
 top of the ladder. Now, putting all these things to 
 gether, and the nominations in the papers, and the 
 4 hoorahs for Major Downing,' I dont know what it 
 means, unless it means that I must be President. So, 
 as I said afore, I'm determined to make a bold push. 
 I've writ to Col. Crocket to see if I can get the support 
 of the western States, and his reply is, ' go ahead.' 1 I 
 shall depend upon you and uncle Joshua to carry the 
 State of Maine for me ; and, in order to secure the other 
 States, I spose it will be necessary to publish my life and 
 writings. President Jackson had his life published be 
 fore he was elected, and when Mr Clay was a candidate 
 he had hisn published. I've talked with the President 
 
220 LETTERS OF 
 
 about it, and he says, publish it by all means, and set 
 the printer of the Portland Courier right about it. 
 
 So I want you to go to work as soon as you get this, 
 and rir 1f - J T W Irttrr -H K ~[r~ tn p rint Vm ^ a book ; 
 and I'll set down and write a history ofmv life to put 
 into it, and send it along as last as I can ge*t it done. 
 But I want you to be very careful not to get any of them 
 are confounded counterfiet letters, that the rascally fel 
 lers have been sending to the printers, mixed in long 
 with mine. It would be as bad as breaking a rotten egg 
 in long with the good ones ; it would spile the whole 
 pudding. You can tell all my letters, for they were 
 all sent to you first. 
 
 The President says I must have a picter of me made 
 and put into the book. He says he had one put into 
 his, and Mr Clay had one put into his. So I believe I 
 shall write to Mr Thatcher that prints the little Journal 
 paper in Boston, and get him to go to some of the best 
 picter-makers there, and get them to do me up some 
 as slick as they can. These things, you know, will all 
 help get the free votes of the people ; and that's all I 
 want. For I tell you now, right up and down, I never 
 will take any office that doesn't come by the free votes 
 of the people. I'm a genuine democratic republican, 
 and always was, and so was my father before me, and 
 uncle Joshua besides. 
 
 There's a few more things that I want to speak to you 
 about in this letter, but I'm afraid it will get to be too 
 lengthy. That are story that they got in the newspapers 
 about my being married in Philadelphy is all a hoax. I 
 aint married yet, nor I shant be till a little blue-eyed gal, 
 that used to run about with me, and go to school and 
 slide down hill in Downingville is the wife of President 
 Downing. And that are other story, that the President 
 give me a Curnel's commission jest before we started 
 down east, isn't exactly true. The President did offer 
 me one, but I thanked him, and told him if he would 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 221 
 
 excuse me, I should rather not take it, for I had always 
 noticed that Majors were more apt to rise in the world 
 than Curnels. 
 
 I wish you would take a little pains to send up to 
 Downingville and get uncle Joshua to call a public 
 meeting, and have me nominated there. I'm so well 
 known there, it would have a great effect in other places. 
 And I want to have it particularly understood, and so 
 stated in their resolutions, that I am the genuine demo 
 cratic republican candidate. I know you will put your 
 shoulder to the wheel in this business and do all youcan 
 for me, for you was always a good friend to me, ancl, 
 jest between you and me, when I get in to be President 
 you may depend upon it you shall have as good an office 
 as you want. 
 
 But I see it's time for me to end this letter. The 
 President is quite comfortable, and sends his respects to 
 you and uncle Joshua. I remain your sincere friend. 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LXVI. 
 
 In which Cousin Ephraim describes the method of putting 
 1 dimocrats ' over on to the federal side. 
 
 Downingville, State of Maine, August 12, 1833. 
 
 To Cousin Major Jack Downing, at Washington city, or else gone 
 long with the President down to the Rip Raps. To be sent pri 
 vately in the Portland Courier. 
 
 
 
 DEAR COUSIN JACK. I've got something pretty 
 heavy on my mind that I want to tell ye about, and ask 
 your advice, and may be I shall want you to lend me a 
 hand a little. I've been watching politics pretty snug ever 
 since I was a little boy, and that's near about forty years ; 
 19* 
 
222 LETTERS OP 
 
 and I believe I know most as much about it as uncle 
 Joshua, although he's twenty years older than I be. Now 
 about this republicanism and federalism, I've minded 
 that it always keeps changing', and always has, ever 
 since I can remember. And I've minded tu it most al 
 ways keeps going round one way ; that is, the young 
 federalists keep turning dimoerats, and the old dimocrats 
 keep turning federalists. What it's for I dont exactly 
 know, but that's the way it goes. I spose a man, on the 
 whole, is n't hardly fit to be a d ;y nnrrflt aff fir j* g ets to 
 be fcfitJ years old. Ancl here is old uncle Joshua ill the 
 Post Othce, ne's got to be about sixty, and he's hanging 
 on to the dimocratic side yet, like the tooth-ache ; and 
 it begins to worry me a good deal. I think it's high 
 time he went over. You know Downingville has always 
 been a genuine republican town, and I want it should 
 always go according to the usages [I think that's what 
 they call it] of the dimocratic party. 
 
 When it gets to be time for an old dimocrat to go over 
 
 on the federal side, I believe lln Q i ilmiM I'lll" 'i m ^ 
 
 gver. You remember there was old Mr Insley in Port 
 land, and old Gineral Wingate in Bath, as much as a 
 dozen years ago, were some as big republicans as there 
 was any where about. Well, they got to be considerable 
 old, and had been in office sometime, so the Argus took 
 and clapt 'em right over on to the federal side. And 
 you know there was Mr Holmes, he was a whapping 
 great republican. But he begun to grow old, and so the 
 Argus put him over. And there was Mr Sprague ; he 
 was such a nice dimocrat every one said it was a pitty 
 to put him over. But bein he'd been to Congress some 
 time, the Argus would n't hear a word, but shoved him 
 right over. 
 
 And this summer the Argus is putting of 'em over con 
 siderable younger on to the federal side. It has put 
 Judge Preble over, and Judge Ware, and Mr Mitchell, 
 the Post Master at Portland, and he isn't near so old as 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 uncle Joshua, and it has put Mr Megquier over, only 
 think, such a young man as Mr Megquier, that's only 
 been in the Sinnet three or four years. Now dont you 
 think, according to dimocratic usage, it is high time old 
 uncle Joshua was put over ? I wish you would jest write 
 to the Argus and have it done, for I feel a good deal 
 worried about it. 
 
 And as soon as it comes out in the Argus that he is 
 fairly over, I want you to tell the President that uncle 
 Joshua is a federalist, and have him removed from the 
 Post Office, for it would be an everlasting shame to have 
 the Post Office in Downingville kept by a federalist. 
 
 N. B. If uncle Joshua should be removed I wish you 
 would use your influence to get the President to givethe 
 office to me 1 ? lor next to Uncle Joshua I spuse I've dUlfb 
 rmJlt'lur LlTe I'tymblican party than any man in Down 
 ingville. I can have a recommendation from Sargent 
 Joel and all the company. By attending to this you 
 will much oblige your friend and cousin, 
 
 EPHRAIM DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LXVII. 
 
 In which the President begun to say something about ME 
 and DANIEL. 
 
 Washington City, Sept. 14, 1833. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down East, in the 
 State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, Its got to be a pretty con 
 siderable long while now since I've writ to you, for I 
 never like to write, you know, without I have something 
 to say. But I've got something on my mind now, that 
 
224 LETTERS OF 
 
 keeps me all the time a thinking so much that I cant 
 hold in any longer. So jest between you and me I'll 
 tell you what 'tis. But I must begin a little ways be 
 forehand, so you can see both sides of it, and I'll tell 
 you what 'tis as soon as I get along to it. 
 
 You see I and the President has been down to the 
 Rip Raps a few weeks to try to recruit up a little ; for 
 that pesky tower away down East like to did the job for 
 the old Gineral. So, after we got things pretty much 
 to rights here, we jest stepped aboard the steamboat and 
 went down to the Rip Raps. That are Rip Raps is a 
 capital place ; it is worth all the money we ever paid for 
 it, if it was for nothing else only jest to recruit up the 
 Government. It is one of the most coolest places in the 
 summer time that you ever see. Let a feller be all worn 
 out and wilted down as limpsy as a rag, s*o that the doc 
 tors would think he was jest ready to fly off the handle, 
 and let him go down to the Rip Raps and stay there a 
 fortnight, and he'd come up again as smart as a steel- 
 trap. The President got recruited up so nicely, while 
 we were down to the Rip Raps, that ever since we got 
 back till two or three days ago, he has been as good- 
 natured and sociable as ever I should wish to see a body. 
 -4nd now I'm comiug, pretty soon, to what I was going 
 to tell you about, that bears so heavy on my mind. 
 
 You see the President likes, every morning after the 
 breakfast is out of the way, to set down and read over 
 the newspapers, and see what is going on in the coun 
 try, and who's elected and so on. So when we've done 
 breakfast, we take the letters and papers that come 
 from the Post-Office, and go away by ourselves into the 
 great East Room where we can say jest what we've 
 a mind to, and nobody not hear us, and the President 
 sets down in his great arm rocking-chair and smokes his 
 segar, and I set down by the table and read to him. 
 Last Monday morning, as I was reading over the papers 
 one arter another, I come to a Pennsylvany paper and 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 225 
 
 opened it, and, says I, hullow, gineral, here's a speech 
 of Mr Web3t og -Tt Pittsburg, p lat -gp aft Ijfo, Ah, said 
 he ; well, let us hear what Dani&Wlas been talking to 
 them are Pennsylvany ancfuhio chaps about. So I 
 hitched back in my chair, and read on. And by and by 
 I begun to get into the marrow of the story, where he 
 told all about Nullification, and what a dark time we had 
 of it last winter, and how the black clouds begun to rise 
 and spread over the country, and the thunders of civil 
 war begun to roll and rumble away off to the South, and 
 by and by how the tempest was jest ready to burst over 
 our heads and split the country all into shivers, and 
 how, in the very nick of time, the President's Proclama 
 tion came out and spread over the whole country like a 
 rain-bow, and how every body then took courage and 
 said the danger was all over. While I had been reading 
 this, the President had started up on his feet, and walked 
 back and forth across the room pretty quick, puffing 
 away and making the smoke roll out of his mouth like a 
 house a fire ; and by the time I had got through, he had 
 thrown his segar out of the window, and come and sot 
 down, leaning his elbow on the table and looking right 
 in my face. I laid the paper down, and there he sot 
 looking right at me as much as five minutes, and never 
 said a word ; but he seemed to keep a thinking as fast 
 as a horse could run. At last, said he, Major Downing, 
 were you ever told that you resembled Daniel Webster ? 
 
 Why, Gineral, says I, how do you mean, in looks or 
 what? 
 
 Why perhaps a little of both says he, but mostly in 
 looks. 
 
 Bless my stars, says I, Gineral, you dont mean to say 
 that I am quite so dark as he is. * 
 
 Perhaps not, says he ; but you have that ^b^rp knpw- 
 ing look, as though you could see rightthrough, a mill 
 stone. I know, says he, thaT*Mi Wtbslur "Tsrather a 
 dark looking man, but there is n't another man in this 
 
226 LETTERS OF 
 
 country that can throw so much light on a dark subject 
 as he can. 
 
 Why yes, says I, he has a remarkable faculty for that ; 
 he can see through most aTiy thing, and he can make 
 other folks see through it too. I guess, says I, if he 'd 
 been born in old Virginny he 'd stood next to most any 
 body. 
 
 A leetle afore 'em, says the Gineral, in my way of 
 thinking. I '11 tell you what 't is Major, I begin to think 
 your New Englanders aint the worst sort of fellows in 
 the world after all. 
 
 Ah well says I, seeing is believing, and you 've been 
 down that way now and can judge for yourself. But if 
 you had only gone as fur as Downingville I guess you 
 would have thought still better of 'em than you do now. 
 Other folks may talk larger and bluster more, says I, but 
 whenever you are in trouble, and want the real support 
 in time of need, go to New England for it and you never 
 need to be afraid but what it will come. 
 
 I believe you are right, says the Gineral ; for notwith 
 standing all I could do with my proclamation against 
 nullification, I believe I should have rubbed hard if there 
 had been no such men in the country as Major Downing 
 and Daniel Webster. 
 
 But this nullification hllSJT|Ppg \^ n't Irill^rf y^i 1^"* 
 
 tops are beat down, but the roots are alive as ever, and 
 spreading under ground wider and wider, and one of 
 these days when they begin to sprout up again there '11 
 be a tougher scrabble to keep 'em down than there has 
 been yet ; and I 've been thinking, says he, and he laid 
 his hand on my shoulder and looked very anxious, I Ve 
 been thinking says he, if you and Daniel -^ and here 
 the door opened and iff cometh Amos Kendil with a long 
 letter from Mr Van Buren.about the Bank and the safety 
 fund and the Government deposites and I dont know 
 what all ; and the President's brow was clouded in a 
 minute ; for he always feels kind of pettish when they 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 227 
 
 plague him about the safety fund. I have n't had any 
 chance to talk with him since, there 's so many of 'em 
 round him ; and I 'm as uneasy as a fish out of water, I 
 feel so anxious to know what the President was going to 
 say about me and Daniel. I shall watch the first chance 
 when I think it will do to talk with him, and find out what 
 he was going to say. I cant hardly sleep a nights, I think 
 so much about it. When I find out I '11 write to you 
 again. 
 
 Send my love to the folks up in Downingville when 
 you have a chance. 
 
 I remain your sincere friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LXVIII. 
 
 In which the President finished what he was going to say 
 about ME and DANIEL. 
 
 Washington City, Sept. 30, 1833. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the 
 State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND, Havn't you been in a terrible 
 kind of a pucker ever since my last letter to you, to 
 know what the President was going to say about me 
 and Daniel ? If you havn't, I have. I never felt so un 
 easy for a fortnight hardly in my life. If I went to bed 
 I couldn't sleep, and I've got up and walked the floor 
 as much as half the night almost every night since. 
 I've wished the Bank to Guinea more than fifty times, 
 for there's been such a hubbub here about the Bank 
 this fortnight past, that I couldn't get a moment's chance 
 to talk with the President about any thing else. We'd 
 have cabinet meetings once in awhile to see about mov- 
 
228 LETTERS OP 
 
 ing the deposites, and Mr Duane and Mr Cass and Mr 
 McLane would talk up to the President so about it, that 
 he'd conclude to let 'em alone and do nothing about it, 
 and let Congress manage it jest as they'd amind to. 
 And then we'd go home and Mr Kendle would come in 
 and talk the matter over, and read some great long let 
 ters from Mr Van Buren, and get the President so con 
 fused that he would lose all patience a most. 
 
 But Mr Kendle is the master feller to hang on that 
 ever I see ; he's equal to the tooth ache. And he talk 
 ed and palavered with the President till he finally 
 brought him over, and then the President put his foot 
 down, and said the deposites should be moved whether 
 or no. And then the botheration was to see who should 
 move 'em. The President told Mr Duane to do it ; but 
 he said his conscience wouldn't let him. Then the 
 President told Mr Taney to take Mr Duane's place, and 
 see if his conscience would let him. Mr Taney tried it 
 and found his conscience went easy enough, so Mr Du 
 ane packed up and went home to Philadelphy. We 
 were all dreadful sorry to lose Mr Duane, for he was a 
 nice man as you will see one in a thousand. It's a pity 
 he had such a stiff conscience ; he might have staid here 
 in the Treasury jest as well as not, if it hadn't been for 
 that. 
 
 But this storm about the Bank begins to blow over, 
 and the President's got in a manner cooled down again. 
 This morning after breakfast we took the papers and 
 letters jest as we used to, and went away into the east 
 room to read the news and chat awhile ; and it really 
 did my heart good to see the President set down once 
 more looking so good natured in his great arm chair 
 smoking his segar. After I had read over the news to 
 him awhile, and got him in pretty good humour, I made 
 bold to out with it, and says I Gineral, there's one ques 
 tion I want to ask you. And says he, you know Major, 
 I always allow you to ask me any thing you're a mind 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. . 229 
 
 to, what is it ? Well says I, when we had that talk here 
 about a fortnight ago, you begun to say something about 
 me and Daniel ; and jest as you got into the middle of 
 it, Mr Kendle came in and broke it right off short as a 
 pipe stem. It's been running in my head ever since, 
 and I've been half crazy to know what it was you was 
 going to say. Well, let us see, says the Gineral, where 
 was it I left off; for this everlasting fuss about the Bank 
 has kept my head so full I can't seem to remember much 
 about it. 
 
 Why says I, you was talking about nullific4tion ; how 
 the tops were beat down a little, but the^rQpteHrti^pe all 
 running: ahoutunder ground as live as evej^ and it 
 would n't be long oeibre they j d be sprouting up again all 
 over the country, and there'd be a tougher scrabble to 
 keep 'em down than ever there had been yet ; and then 
 
 you said if I and Daniel and there that plaguy 
 
 Kendle came in, I've no patience with him now when I 
 think of it, and broke it right off. Ah, now I remember, 
 says the Gineral, how twas. Well, says he, Major 
 Downing, it is a solemn fact, this country is to see a 
 blacker storm of nullification before many years comes 
 about than ever it ha seen yet ; the clouds are begin 
 ning to gather now ; I've seen 'em rolling over South 
 Carolina, and hanging about Georgia, and edging along 
 into old Virginny, and I see the storm's a gathering ; it 
 must come, and if there is n't somebody at the helm that 
 knows how to steer pretty well, the old ship must go 
 down. I aint afraid, says he, but what I can keep her 
 up while I have the command, but I'm getting to be old 
 and must give up soon, and then what'll become of her I 
 dont know. But what I was going to say was this ; Fve 
 been thinking if t you arid* Daniel, after I_ 
 put your heads together and take charge of her till the 
 storm has blown over, you might save her. And I dont 
 know who else can. 
 
 But how do you mean, Gineral, says I ? Why to speak 
 20 
 
230 . LETTERS OF 
 
 plain, says he, if nullification shows its head, aDaniel 
 must^talk jind you must tight, 11iere r s nothing- elscTwill ^ 
 lo the jobloi 1 It LllUL 1 kliow of. Daniel must go into 
 the Presidential chair, and you must take command of 
 the army, and then things will go straight. At this I 
 was a little struck up ; and I looked him right in the 
 eye, and, says I, Gineral, do you mean that Daniel 
 Webster oughtJU bt" Pi'omiJunl jflti you give uj5*? Cer 
 tainly, says he, if you want to keep the country out of 
 the jaws of nullification. But, says I, Gineral, Daniel 
 is a federalist, a Hartford Convention federalist, and I 
 should like to know which is worst, the jaws of nul 
 lification, or the jaws of federalism. The jaws of a fid 
 dle-stick ! said the President, starting up and throwing 
 his segar out of the window as much as two rods ; but 
 how do you know, Major Downing, that Daniel is a 
 federalist ? Because, says I, I've heard him called so 
 down east more than a hundred times. And that's jest 
 all you know about it, says he. Now I tell you how 'tis, 
 Major Downing, J)aniel is as thorough ^j^pMican as 
 you be, or as I be, and has been ever since my Procla 
 mation came out against nullification. As soon as that 
 Proclamation came out Daniel came right over on to the 
 republican ground, and took it upon his shoulder and^ 
 carried it through thick and thin where no other man in 
 the country could have carried it. Says I, Gineral, is 
 that a fact ? And says he yes, you may depend upon it, 
 'tis every word truth. Well says I, that alters the case 
 a little, and I'll write to Uncle Joshua and the editor of 
 the Portland Courier and see what they think of it, and 
 if they think it's best to have Daniel for President we'll 
 have him in, and I'll take my turn afterwards : for seeing 
 t^fpcoplc arp hftrjt, upon having me for President I wont ^ 
 4ficjine, though if it is thougnt Dest tnai 1 should wait a 
 littlewTTtteTi wont be particular about that. I'm willing 
 to do that which will be best for the country. 
 So I remain your loving friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 231 
 
 LETTER LXIX. 
 
 In which Cousin Nobly describes her visit to Mr MaelzeTs 
 Congregation of Moskow. 
 
 Portland, October 22, 1833. 
 
 To Cousin Sally Downing, up in Downingville, in the care of 
 Uncle Joshua, Post Master. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN : I got here about noon yesterday, 
 muddy and wet enough. Such dreadful muddy roads 
 for the time of year, seems to me there never was be 
 fore. Butter fetches a grand price. They would n't 
 offer but eighteen cents at first, but soon as they come 
 to see it and taste of it, they give me twenty cents right 
 off for all of yours and mine, and never said a word. 
 So much for keeping a neat churn and clean milk-pans. 
 The yarn and footins sold pretty well too, but I wont 
 stop to tell you about that till I get back. 
 
 I'm going to stop here with ant Sally till next week, 
 and I want you to come down if you can any way in the 
 world, for here's a sight here that would make you 
 jump higher than the cat's back if you should see it. 
 I'll jest tell you a little about it. When I got here 
 yesterday, I found ant Sally all in a flutter about going 
 to see the congregation of Moskow. She said she was 
 going to carry the children, and nothing would do but I 
 must go too. She said it would n't cost but two and 
 thrippence, and she would pay it rather than not have 
 me go, for she should n't mind the pay, as all that was 
 paid that evening would be given to the societies what 
 takes care of little orphan children and carries w^>d 
 to poor freezing widows. When she said that, I felt as 
 though I should be willing to give two pounds of butter 
 myself. So we all fixed and off we went up to Union 
 Hall about seven o'clock. 
 
232 LETTERS OP 
 
 I cant stop to tell you much about the sights I see 
 there, but you must come and see 'em without fail. I 
 dont know but they 've nigh upon scared me out of a 
 year's growth ; they showed us first a little feller they 
 called a fidler. I dont know what he was made of but 
 he acted jest as though he was alive. He was n't more 
 than a foot long, and he sot down in a chair as pretty as 
 a little man. And somebody played some music to him 
 and that sot him all of a didder, and he made his little 
 fiddle stick fly so I did n't know but he would shake his 
 arm off. Then they brought out a little doll baby ; a 
 sweet looking little creature, dressed up as neat as a 
 pink. And they brought it along up to us, and as true 
 as you are alive it spoke right out and said ma-ma. I 
 could n't hardly believe my own ears at first, but it said 
 ma-ma again, and pa-pa, more than twenty times. 
 
 Then they sot a couple of little fellers up on a rope, 
 and they went to hopping and jumping and dancing 
 about, and whirling over and over round the rope, till I 
 thought they would fall and break their necks more than 
 fifty times. The prettiest one would sit up so straight, 
 and turn his head round and look at us, and hold his 
 hands out to us, that I told ant Sally I knew he was 
 alive and I'd go and take the dear little creature down 
 before he fell and killed himself. But she held on to 
 me and declared I should n't go, for he had n't any more 
 life in him than an ax handle ; but I cant hardly believe 
 it now. 
 
 Then they said they would show us the Congregation 
 of Moskow. And presently I begun to hear a racket 
 and drums and fifes agoing, and bells a dinging, and by 
 and by they pulled away some great curtains, that hung 
 cllar across the Hall, and there was a sight that beat 
 all I ever see before. I jumped and was going to run 
 for the door at first, for I tfrnnghiJ^tflftnfljyasaU afire ; 
 but ant Sally held on to me tiTTTgot pacifiedalittle, and 
 then I sot down. 
 
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 233 
 
 And, there, I must say it was the grandest sight that 
 ever I did see. A thousand buildings and meeting 
 houses all in a light flame, and the fire and smoke 
 rolling up to the clouds, and thousands and thousands 
 of soldiers marching and riding through the streets, and 
 the drums and the fifes and the bugles and the bells and 
 the guns ; O Sally, you must come and see it, if you 
 have to come afoot and alone as the gal went to be mar 
 ried. The man says in the papers he aint agoing to 
 keep it here only till next Friday night ; but I'll coax 
 him as hard as I can to stay till next week, so you can 
 have a chance to see it. In haste your loving Cousin, 
 
 NABBY DOWNING. 
 
 LETTER LXX, 
 
 In which Major Downing concludes it is best to put some 
 of his poetry into his book. 
 
 Washington, Oct. 20, 1833. 
 
 To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the 
 State of Maine. 
 
 MY DEAR OLD FRIEND, I am glad you have got 
 Mr Lilly, Wait, and Company, in Boston toprintmv_ 
 bpokjfor they say they print about the prettiest books 
 there is agoing now days, and as many of 'em too as 
 most any body. I shall go on to Boston in a few days, 
 so as to see to it, and have it well done. I've been a 
 thinking it might help the matter along some towards 
 my getting in to be President, if you would look up that 
 are piece of poetry that I writ for jmnthrfifi or four yann 
 ago about Sam Patch, and put it into the book. I dont 
 know~as many uf Llib Presidents have wrote much poet 
 ry ; but they say Quincy Adams has considerable, and 
 20* 
 
234 LETTERS OF MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 
 
 it's helped him along a good deal. And as I dont want 
 to leave any stone unturned that would be likely to help 
 me in, I think it's best to put that in the book. 
 I remain your loving friend, 
 
 MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 
 
 4 
 
 /*> 
 
 
 
BIOGRAPHY OF SAM PATCH. 235 
 
 MAJOR DOWNING'S BIOGRAPHY OF SAM PATCH, 
 THE JUMPER. 
 
 NOTE, BY THE EDITOR. There are some striking 
 parallels between the race run by the renowned Sam 
 Patch, of jumping memory, who figured in this jumping 
 world in the year, (anno Domini) one thousand eight 
 hundred and twenty-nine, and the no less renowned Ma 
 jor Jack Downing, who is figuring away * in the full tide 
 of successful experiment ' at this present era. We think 
 it fortunate for the memory of the jumping hero, as well 
 as for the world, that his wonderful achievements have 
 been recorded by so illustrious a genius and accomplished 
 writer as Major Downing. It is fitting that their memo 
 ry should go down to posterity together. They were 
 both humble in their origin, and both were aspiring and 
 lofty in their ambition. Neither of them however ever 
 stooped to run after popularity, for popularity always 
 run after them. Sam commenced with taking small 
 jumps, and Jack commenced with reaching after small 
 offices. Sam's ambition soon led him to leap from high 
 bridges and factory walls, and Jack began anon to think 
 of a Governor's chair and a seat in the Cabinet at Wash 
 ington. Sam at length would stop nothing short of 
 jumping down the falls of Gennesee and Niagara, and 
 Jack has fixed his eye upon the lofty mark and is press 
 ing forward with full vigor for the Presidency of the 
 United States. Sam's last jump was a fatal one, and we 
 sincerely hope the parallel may not be carried out, but 
 that the Major may yet see many good days, and con 
 tinue to serve his country as faithfully as he has hitherto 
 done. 
 
 But we must explain how Major Downing came to be 
 the biographer of Sam Patch. 
 
236 MAJOR DOWNING'S BIOGRAPHY 
 
 While Mr Downing (we say Mr, because it was before 
 he received any office) was attending upon the Legisla 
 ture of Maine in 1830, one day when the wheels of gov 
 ernment were clogged and some of the Senators had run 
 away and there was nothing doing, Mr Downing came into 
 our room, and sat down and looked over a file of news 
 papers. He soon got upon the achievements of Sam 
 Patch, whose career had a short time before closed, and 
 he read his history through. Mr Downing's head was 
 full of the matter. He never read any thing before that 
 filled him with such intense interest. He had got upon 
 the track of a kindred spirit, and he was all animation. 
 He went home with us and spent the night ; but he could 
 talk of nothing and think of nothing but Sam Patch. 
 He had got his story by heart, and he was talking it over 
 in his sleep all night. In the morning he rose pale and 
 nervous. Says he, I believe that story of Sam Patch 
 has been ground over in my head more than forty times 
 to-night, and its got so now it comes through my head 
 in lines all about the same length, jest like rolls out of a 
 carding machine ; and if you '11 give me some paper and 
 pen and ink, I '11 put it down.' We furnished him ac 
 cordingly, and he sat down and wrote the following 
 splendid piece of biography, which we published in the 
 Courier at the time and now insert in the volume of his 
 life and writings. 
 
 BIOGRAPHY OF SAM PATCH. 
 
 Pawtucket is a femous place, 
 
 Where cotton cloth is made, 
 And hundreds think it no disgrace 
 
 To labour at the trade. 
 
 Among the spinners there was one, 
 
 Whose name was Samuel Patch ; 
 He moped about, and did his stent 
 
 Folks thought him no great scratch. 
 
OP SAM PATCH. 237 
 
 But still a maggot, in his head, 
 
 Told Sam he was a ninny, 
 To spend his life in twirling thread, 
 
 Just like a spinning Jenney. 
 
 And if he would become renown'd, 
 
 And live in song or story, 
 'Twas time he should be looking round 
 
 For deeds of fame and glory. 
 
 ' What shall I do ?' quoth honest Sam, 
 
 * There is no war a-brewing ; 
 
 * And duels are but dirty things, 
 
 ' Scarce worth a body's doing. 
 
 ' And if I would be President, 
 
 ' I see I'm up a tree, 
 ' For neither prints, nor Congress-men, 
 
 * Have nominated me.' 
 
 But still that maggot in his head 
 
 Told Sam he was a gump, 
 For if he could do nothing else, 
 
 Most surely he could jump, 
 
 Aye, right, quoth Sam, and out he went, 
 And on the bridge he stood, 
 
 And down he jump'd full twenty feet, 
 And plung'd into the flood. 
 
 And when he safely swam to land, 
 He stood there like a stump, 
 
 And all the gaping crowd cried out, 
 ' O what a glorious jump.' 
 
 New light now shone in Samuel's eyes, 
 His heart went pit a pat ; 
 
 * Go, bring a ladder here,' he cries ; 
 
 * I'll jump you more than that,' 
 
238 
 
 The longest ladder in the town 
 
 Against the factory was rear'd, 
 And Sam clomb up, and then jump'd down, 
 
 And loud and long the gapers cheer'd. 
 
 Besides the maggot in his head, 
 
 Sam's ear now felt a flee ; 
 4 I'll raise some greater breezes yet ; 
 
 What's this dull town to me ?' 
 
 And off he went on foot, full trot, 
 High hopes of fame his bosom fired, 
 
 At Paterson, in Jarsay State, 
 
 He stopt awhile, for Sam was tired ; 
 
 And there he mounted for a jump, 
 And crowds came round to view it, 
 
 And all began to gape and stare, 
 And cry, * How dare you do it ?' 
 
 But Sam ne'er heeded what they said, 
 His nerves want made to quiver, 
 
 And down he jump'd some fifty feet, 
 And splash'd into the river. 
 
 * Hoo-rah,' the mob cried out amain, 
 
 ' Hoo-rah,' from every throat was pouring, 
 
 And Echo cried, * Hoo-rah' again, 
 Like a thousand lions roaring. 
 
 Sam's fame now spread both far and wide, 
 And brighter grew from day to day, 
 
 And wheresoe'er a crowd convened, 
 Patch was the lion of the play. 
 
 From shipmasts he would jump in sport, 
 And spring from highest factory walls ; 
 
 And proclamation soon was made, 
 That he would leap Niagara falls. 
 
And, Sam approached those awful Falls, 
 And leapt them like a frog. 
 
OF SAM PATCH. 
 
 4 What for ?' inquired an honest Hodge, 
 
 'Why scare to death our wives and mothers?' 
 
 ' To show that some things can be done,' 
 Quoth Sam, ' as well as others.' 
 
 Ten thousand people thronged the shores, 
 
 And stood there all agog, 
 While Sam approached those awful falls, 
 
 And leapt them like a frog. 
 
 And when they saw his neck was safe, 
 And he once more stood on his feet, 
 
 They set up such a deafening cheer, 
 Niagara's roar was fairly beat 
 
 Patch being but a scurvy name, 
 They solemnly did there enact, 
 
 That he henceforward should be call'd 
 ' Squire Samuel O'Cataract.' 
 
 And here our hero should have stopt, 
 And husbanded his brilliant fame ; 
 
 But, ah, he took one leap too much, 
 And most all heroes do the same. 
 
 Napoleon's last great battle prov'd 
 
 His dreadful overthrow, 
 And Sam's last jump was a fearful one, 
 
 And in death it laid him low. 
 
 Twas at the falls of Genessee, 
 
 He jump'd down six score feet and five, 
 And in the waters deep he sunk, 
 
 And never rose again alive. 
 
 The crowd, with fingers in their mouths, 
 Turn'd homeward, one by one, 
 
 And oft with sheepish looks they said, 
 * Poor Sam's last job is done.' 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 In which are published some of Major Downing's letters, 
 that he never wrote. 
 
 Note by the Editor. The following paragraph from 
 Mr Walsh's National Gazette, published some two or 
 three months ago, comes in so pat upon the present oc 
 casion, that we cannot refrain from copying it. 
 
 * It has been the fate of all successful authors, to have 
 counterfeits who deal with their originals as Hamlet 
 says that some players imitate nature. The Rabelais, 
 the Swifts, the Voltaires suffered in their day by the 
 productions of interlopers of the sort ; mere bunglers 
 attempted to personate them, and confounded the less 
 discriminating or critical part of the reading public. 
 Major Jack Downing has paid in like manner, the pen 
 alty of genius and popularity ; and he has complained 
 of the hardship and injustice, in a characteristic vein. 
 We humbly advise him to write over the whole story of 
 President Jackson's late expedition . It might confident 
 ly be predicted that a full narrative from his pen, duly 
 authenticated, would obtain as much vogue in these 
 United States, as did Peter Plymley's Letters in Great 
 Britain.' 
 
 Major Downing's letters were commenced in the Port 
 land Courier, in January 1830, and have been continued 
 
APPENDIX. 241 
 
 in that paper regularly up to the present time, Nov. 1833. 
 The real Major has never sent any letter to any other 
 paper. Though counterfeit or imitation letters occa 
 sionally appeared in other papers, it was not till Presi 
 dent Jackson's tour to New England, that they were 
 published in any considerable numbers. At that time 
 the counterfeiters took a new start. Roused by the Ma 
 jor's account of their ' coming on full chisel,' and of his 
 shaking hands for the President at Philadelphia, every 
 body betook themselves to writing Jack Downing, till 
 their letters almost overshadowed the land. The great 
 mass of them were about as much like the original let 
 ters, as a hawk is like a hand-saw. Most of them had 
 nothing to recommend them but extreme bad spelling, 
 without point, wit, or moral. Others, which were writ 
 ten with some ability, were often deformed by low black 
 guardism, indelicacy, or profanity, qualities which it is 
 believed are not to be found in the writings of the gen 
 uine Major. A few of the best specimens of the imita 
 tions are copied in the following pages. We cannot but 
 remark however, in passing, that it appears to us to be 
 an unjustifiable invasion of the Major's rights, for others 
 to assume his name. It is really as much a forgery in 
 point of honour and equity, as it would be for them to 
 affix to their letters the name of Andrew Jackson. If 
 they choose to attempt to write in the Major's style, they 
 are at liberty to do it, as they would be to attempt the 
 style of any other author ; but we believe all honourable 
 men will say, they have no moral right to assume his name. 
 
 21 
 
242 APPENDIX. 
 
 No. I. 
 
 Being the genuine letter of old Mr ZopJiar Downing, 
 4 amost eighty -three yere old.' 
 
 [Note. The following letter, we believe, was sent originally in 
 the New York Commercial Advertiser, though we are not sure but 
 it was a Baltimore paper. We regard it as the best picture, ' drawd 
 off from nater,' that we have seen among the numerous imitations 
 of the true letters of the Downing family. One thing is certain 
 about it, whether the Major has an uncle in the western States or 
 not, this letter bears indubitable evidence of having been written by 
 a person eighty-three years old.] 
 
 Uppington, Western Resarve, 
 Tuesday, June 5, A. D. 1833, N. S. 
 
 To MY NEFEW JOHN DOWNING: I am got to be 
 amost eighty three Yere old, and I'm in my eighty third 
 Year now, and its so long since I have took any Pen in 
 my hand to write any thing nor a Letter to any Boddy 
 living for now going on a very long Time. And what 
 makes it particular bad for me is that my Fingers is got 
 stiff with Rhumatiz and cold, and is all Thums, as much 
 as tho they was froze in the Winter. Your Aunt is sick 
 abed ; she ketch'd cold some Time in Aperil, and I 
 don't know when she will ever git over it ; she is in her 
 eighty second Year most as old as I be, we are both 
 very old and prety much done with this World, so to 
 speake. I did not ever expect to write any more Let 
 ters to my Frinds because I'm in my eighty third Year 
 and am too old most to write Letters. But you writ a 
 Letter to me from the Citty of Washington and it was 
 throw'd out of the Stage Wensday as it drove by. And 
 when I redd about your goin to take the President of 
 These United States to Downingvil then I said to your 
 Aunt my dear I must try and write an Answer to Jonny's 
 Letter. 
 
APPENDIX. 243 
 
 I was jeest about as old as you be John when the 
 Great Washington died, 14 day of December, and was 
 with him and spoke with him seventeen year before, 
 when he left the Army and wisht I might live many 
 yeares, and what you writ to me makes me think a good 
 deal of that time. I shant forget it to my dyin day 
 but I hope you wont have Ardint Sperrits in your Town 
 on the Occasion. I dont drink any more Flip nor Tody 
 sence 17 August A. D. 1831 and am better fort, and 
 hope Brother Joshua has stopped. Two of my Cows 
 was lost last year by Destemper and one of Mr Doolit- 
 tles who lives oposite, is a hard worken Man. Some 
 Destemper was here this yere but I follerd what was 
 said in the Temperance Almanick and they was cured 
 in time to git over it. I desire that my Brother Joshua 
 woud write a Letter to me to let me know whether he is 
 going to make out as well with his Ternips as he did 3 
 year ago, he wrote to your Aunt about it. I tryde that 
 Plan here, but it dont do in this Soil, it is to dry most of 
 it. Your Aunt tells me she dont think Brother Joshua 
 can be so strong of his Age as I be, seeing he hant writ 
 any of us since that Account of his Garding Sauce turn- 
 in out so remarkable good that year. 
 
 It is thirty-two years ago next month since I was in 
 Downingville, how is Deacon Wiloby and his family and 
 his daughter Sooky was uncommon humersome, but 
 your aunt always used to say she thot Sooky was a little 
 too fond of seeing peeple perlite and that she was to 
 espirin for Downingvil when she was young and a come 
 ly child. I thank you John for some newspapers you 
 sent to me last when so much was writ about the Presi 
 dent and the Vice President, one spell I was afeard that 
 the poor salvages in Georgia State was agoin to suffer 
 till the great Proclamation to the Nuliphiers as they are 
 called which you sent to me, but I hope they are not 
 now, they are a sufferin Peeple certin. If you do take 
 the President east I hope there is no boddy but what 
 
244 APPENDIX. 
 
 will treat him respect. You know John I dont know 
 much about politix, but I know something of my bible, 
 and I hope I shall alwais read in it while I continue to 
 live, and it says in the 2nd Book of Samuel, about Ab 
 salom's setting by the gate and shakin hands and kissin 
 every boddy that passed by, and whisperin in their ears 
 what he would do if he was king, and you know mor 
 about the Vice President, and I ask you if that man aint 
 adoin so too, and if it is not some boddys duty to speak 
 to the President about it. But my hand shakes some, 
 writin so much, and give my love and aunts to all our 
 relations and to the neighbours of yours that I used to 
 know. I am your loving Uncle, 
 
 ZOPHAR DOWNING. 
 
 No. II. 
 
 /"..i *: r * >- * ' \. i 
 
 BANK REPORT. 
 To the Editor of the JV. Y. Daily Advertiser. 
 
 Major Downing's Official Report on the United States Bank. Pub 
 lished by ' authority.' 
 
 Rip Raps, August 4th, 1833. 
 
 DEAR SIR, I have jest got here after examinin the 
 Bank ; and it was the toughest job, ever I had in my 
 life. The Gineral was so bent on my doing it, that I 
 had to ' go ahead,' or I'd sneak'd out the first day. I 
 was nigh upon a week about it, figerin and siferin all 
 the while. Mr Biddle see quick enuf it was no fool's 
 journey I come on ; and I made some of his folks scratch 
 their heads, I tell you. I gin 'em no notice of my corn- 
 in, and I jump'd right in the thickest on 'em there one 
 day, when they were tumblin in and shellin out the mun- 
 
APPENDIX. 245 
 
 ny like corn. ' Now,' says I, * my boys, I advise all on 
 ye to brush up your multiplication tables, for I am down 
 upon you with aligation, and the rule of three, and vul 
 gar fractions ; and if I find a penny out of place, the 
 Gineral shall know it. I'm no green horn, nor member 
 of Congress, nor Judge Clayton, nor Mr Cambreleng, 
 neither,' says I. As soon as Mr Biddle read the letter 
 the Gineral sent by me, says he, * Major, I'm glad the 
 Gineral has sent some one at last that knows something, 
 and can give a strait account;' and with that he called 
 all the Bank folks, and tell'd 'em to bring their books 
 together. ' Now,' says he, * Major, which eend shall we 
 begin at first.' * It makes no odds which,' says I, * all 
 I care about is to see if both eends meet ; and if they 
 don't, Mr Biddle,' says I, i'ts all over with you and the 
 bank you'll all go, hook and line,' and then we off 
 coats and went at it. I found some of them are fellers 
 there plagy sharp at siferin. They'd do a sum by a 
 kinder short Dilworth quick as a flash. I always use a 
 slate it comes kinder natural to me; and I chalk 'd 
 her off there the first day and figur'd out nigh upon 100 
 pretty considerable tuf sums. There was more than 
 three cart load of books about us, and every one on 'em 
 bigger than the Deacon's family Bible. And sich an 
 etarnal batch of figerin I never see, and there wasn't a 
 blot or scratch in the whole on 'em. 
 
 I put a good many questions to Mr Biddle, for the 
 Gineral gin me a long string on 'em ; and I thought 
 some would stagger him, but he answered them all jest 
 as glib as our boys in Downingville do the catakize, 
 from the chief * eend of man,' clean through the peti 
 tions and he did it all in a mighty civil way too, ther 
 was only one he kinder tried to git round, and that was 
 how he come to have so few of the Gineral's folks 
 among the Directors until very lately 1 * Why,' says he, 
 4 Major, and Major,' says he (and then he got up and 
 took a pinch of snuff and offered me one) says he, 'Ma- 
 21* 
 
246 APPENDIX. 
 
 jor, the Bank knows no party ; and in the first go off, 
 you know, the Gineral's friends were all above matters 
 of so little importance as Banks and Banking. If we 
 had put a branch in Downingville,' says he, * the Gineral 
 would not have had occasion to ask such a question,' and 
 with that he made me a bow; and I went home and took 
 dinner with him. It is plagy curious to hear him talk 
 about millions and thousands ; and I got as glib too at 
 it as he is ; and how on earth I shall git back agin to 
 ninepences and four-pence-happenies, I can't tell. 
 
 Arter I had been figerin away there nigh upon a week, 
 and used up four or five slate pencils, and spit my mouth 
 as dry as a cob, rubbin out the sums as fast as I did 
 them, I writ to the Gineral, and tell'd him it was no 
 use ; I could find no mistake ; but so long as the Bank 
 was at work, it was pretty much like counting a flock 
 of sheep in a fall day when they are jest let into a new 
 stubble, for it was all the while crossing and mixing, and 
 the only way was, to lock up all the Banks, and as fast 
 as you can count 'em black their noses. 
 
 ' Now,' says I one day to Squire Biddle, I'll jest take 
 a look at your money bags, for they tell the Gineral you 
 han't got stuff enuf in the Bank to make him a pair of 
 spectacles ; none of your rags,' says I* ' but the real 
 grit ;' and with that he call'd two or three chaps in 
 Quaker coats, and they opened a large place about as 
 big as the 'east room' and sich a sight I never see 
 boxes, bags and kags, all full, and should say nigh upon 
 a hundred cord. Says I, * Squire Biddle, what on earth 
 is all this ? for I am stumped.' ' O,' says he, * Major, 
 that's our Safety Fund.' ' How you talk !' says I. 
 * Now,' says I, ' is that all genwine ?' Every dollar of 
 it,' says he. Will you count it, Major?' says he. 4 Not 
 to-day,' says I ; * but as the Gineral wants me to be par 
 ticular, I'll jest hussle some of 'em ;' and at it I went, 
 hammer and file. It raly did me good, for I did not 
 think there was so much real chink in all creation. So 
 
APPENDIX. 247 
 
 when I got tired, I set down on a pile, and took out my 
 wallet, and begun to count over some of the * safety 
 fund' notes I got shaved with on the grand tower. ' Here,' 
 says I, ' Squire Biddle, I have a small trifle I should like 
 to barter with you ; it's all " safety fund," ' says I ; * and 
 Mr Van Buren's head is on most all on 'em.' But as 
 soon as he put his eye on 'em> he shook his head. I see 
 he had his eye teeth cut. ' Well,' says I, 'it's no mat 
 ter;' but it lifted my dander considerable. 
 
 ' Now,' says I, l Mr Biddle, I've got one more ques 
 tion to put to you, and then I'm through. You say your 
 bills are better than the hard dollars ; this puzzles me, 
 and the Gineral too. Now, how is this ?' * Well,' says 
 he, ' Major, I'll tell you : Suppose you had a bushel of 
 potatoes in Downingville, and you wanted to send them 
 to Washington, how much would it cost to get them 
 there?' 'Well,' says I, 'about two shillins lawful 
 for I sent a barrel there to the Gineral, last fall, and 
 that cost me a dollar freight.' ' Well,' says he, ' sup 
 pose I've got potatoes in Washington jest as good as 
 yours, and I take your potatoes in Downingville, and 
 give you an order to receive a bushel of potatoes in 
 Washington, wouldn't you save two shillins lawful 'by 
 that ? We sometimes charge,' says he, ' a trifle for 
 drafts, when the places are distant, but never as much as 
 it would cost to carry the dollars ;' and with that we look 
 ed into the accounts agin, and there it was. Says I, 
 ' Squire Biddle, I see it now as clear as a whistle.' 
 
 When I got back to Washington, I found the Gineral off* 
 to the ' Rip Raps,' and so I arter him. One feller there 
 tell'd me I could'nt go to the Rip Raps that the Gineral 
 was there to keep off business ; but as soon as I told 
 him who I was> he ordered a boat and I paddled off. 
 
 The Gineral and I have talked over all the Bank 
 business ; he says it is not best to publish my report, as 
 he wants it for the message ; and it would only set them 
 Stock JisJi nibblin agin in Wall Street. I made him 
 
248 APPENDIX. 
 
 stare when I tell'd him about the dollars I saw there ; 
 and once and awhile he would rinkle his face up like 
 a ball of ravilins ; arid when I tell'd him Biddle would 
 n't give me any of his ' Safety Fund' for any of Mr Van 
 Buren's that I had with me, the Gineral took out his 
 wallet, and slung it more than five rods into the brakers. 
 
 We are now pretty busy, fitting and jointing the beams 
 and rafters of the message ; and if Mr Van Buren dont 
 get back before we begin to shingle it, I guess that his 
 Safety Fund will stand but a poor chance. 
 
 The Gineral donH care much about having his head 
 for a sign board, but says he, * Major, when they put 
 my head on one eend of a Bank Bill, and Mr Van Bu 
 ren's on tother eend, and " promise to pay Andrew 
 Jackson," and then blow up, it's too bad I won't al 
 low it it shant be.' The Gineral says, if he allows 
 Amos Kendle to make his report about the State Banks, 
 it is but fair to let me publish mine about Square Bid- 
 die's Bank. So I am getting mine ready. 
 
 We have a fine cool time here, and ain't bothered 
 with Office seekers ; we can see 'em in droves all along 
 shore, waitin for a chance. One fellow swam off last 
 night to get appointed to some office the Gineral 
 thinks of making him minister to the Ring of the Sand 
 wich Islands, on account of their being all good swim 
 mers there. Yours, 
 
 J. DOWNING, Major, Downingville 
 Militia, 2d Brigade. 
 
APPENDIX. 249 
 
 No. III. 
 
 Giving some account of Peleg BisseVs Churn. 
 
 Rip Raps, Aug. 17, 1833. 
 To the Editor of the New-York Daily Advertiser. 
 
 MY GOOD FRIEND. " The Government " will leave 
 here on Saturday, so you must tell all our friends to stop 
 sending any more letters here. We go strait to Wash 
 ington, to put things to rights there for winter. 
 
 I and the Gineral have got things now pretty conside 
 rable snug ; and it is raly curious to see how much more 
 easy and simple all the public affairs go on than they 
 did a spell ago, when Mr Adams was President. If it 
 warnt for Congress meetin we cou'd jest go about pretty 
 much where we pleased, and keep things strait too ; and 
 I begin to think now with the Gineral, that ater all, 
 there is no great shakes in managin the affairs of the na 
 tion. We have pretty much all on us ben joggin about 
 now since last grass; and things are jest as strait and 
 clear now as they was then. The Gineral has nigh upon 
 made up his mind, that there is no use to have any more 
 Congress. They only bother us they wou'd do more 
 good to stay at home, and write letters to us tellin what 
 is goin on among 'em at home. It would save a consid 
 erable sum of money too ; and I'm also sartin that there 
 is a plagy raft of fellows on wages that dont earn noth- 
 in. Howsoever, we are goin on makin things more sim 
 ple every day, and we once and a while nock off a pret 
 ty considerable number of cogg wheels and trunnel 
 heads. 
 
 The Gineral says he likes things simple as a mouse 
 trap. But what I like most is, he wont have no one 
 about him who outranks me, so there is me, and Major 
 Barry, and Major Smith, and Major Earl, and Major 
 
250 APPENDIX. 
 
 Donaldson, and Major Lewis, and Major Eaton; and 
 the major part of a pretty considerable of a man to 
 do the printing, and tell the folks where we be, and 
 once and a while where the land sales a,nd contracts 
 be too. There is enuff on us to do all that's wanted. 
 Every day jest ater breakfast, the Gineral lights his 
 pipe, and begins to think pretty hard, and I and Major 
 Donaldson begin to open letters for him ; and there is 
 more than three bushels every day, and ail the while 
 coming. We dont git through more than a bushel a 
 day ; and never trouble long ones, unless they come 
 from Mr Van Buren, or Mr Kindle, or some other of 
 our great folks. Then we sort 'em out, jest as Zekel 
 Bigelow does the mackerel at his Packin Yard, for tho' 
 there are plagy many more sorts than he finds among 
 fish, we ony make three sorts, and keep three big bask 
 ets, one marked * not red? another l red, and worth 
 nothin,' and another ' red, and to be answered.' And 
 then all the Gineral has to do is to say, ' Major, I 
 reckon we best say so and so to that,' and I say 'jest 
 so,' or not, as the notion takes me and then we go 
 at it. 
 
 We keep all the Secretaries, and the Vice President, 
 and some District Attornys, and a good many more of 
 our folks, and Amos Kindle, moving about ; and they 
 tell us jest how the cat jumps. And as I said afore, if 
 it warnt for Congress meetin once a year, we'd put the 
 Government in a one horse wagon and go jest where 
 we liked. 
 
 The Gineral was amazingly tickled t'other day. Pe- 
 leg Bissel (you know Peleg, who is all the while whit- 
 lin, and sawin, and makin clocks, and apple parers, and 
 churns, and lives nigh Seth Sprague's School house, 
 down to Downingville,) well, Peleg sent the Gineral a 
 new churn of his own invention ; and he calls it the 
 1 Jackson Churn,' he wants a patent for it. The cute 
 critur says, in his letter to the Gineral, that that are 
 
APPENDIX. 251 
 
 churn is jest like his government its ony got one 
 wheel, and a smasher; and that it will make more but 
 ter than any other churn, and out of eny most anything. 
 The Gineral is so well pleased with it, he will set and 
 turn it nearly all day. Says he, ' Major, I like this ere 
 churn amazingly, that Bissel is a knowin fellow. If that 
 churn had heen made by Congress, it would have more 
 than fifty wheels and springs, and make no more butter 
 ater all. Major,' says he, 'tell Peleg I thank him ; and 
 send him a patent.' 
 
 And so I did ; and I telled him in the letter, that the 
 Gineral would keep his churn in the hall of the white 
 house, to let folks see that it did n't require as many cog 
 wheels to make butter as they think on, and then when 
 they come up chamber, in the Cabinet Room, and find 
 ony me and the President, they '11 understand it the bet 
 ter. When the Gineral come to sign this letter, ' well,' 
 says he, ' Major, that's just what I was thinkin on. 
 We get every day an everlastin bach of letters from Mr 
 Van Buren and Amos Kindle, and they are so plagy 
 jagged, that we cant make 'em fit exactly with some 
 others, eny most as jagged, from the South and West, 
 and all from our folks too. One wants one thing, and 
 one wants t'other. Some of our folks down South say, 
 if the Bank is put down, we shall all be split up into 
 splinters there. And jest so, ony t'other way, they say, 
 we shant find in a week any of our folks north if the 
 Bank is rechartered, and some talk of the Nullifiers in 
 Georgia going for Mr Van Buren, and that we must look 
 out sharp, and not do nothin agin 'em. And some say 
 that are tower of Mr Webster away West, and his 
 speeches, bother some on 'em plagily. I was a little 
 stumped for a spell myself; and I tell'd the Gineral, 
 says I ' Gineral, if you expect rne to satisfy all these 
 folks, you're mistaken, we cant do it,' says I. ' Well 
 then,' says he, l we must send for Mr Van Buren.' This 
 kinder nettled me, and says J, * Gineral, you ha'nt for- 
 
252 APPENDIX. 
 
 got that are churn already ' * no, no,' says he, ' we'll 
 stick to that Major.' Well then,' says I, * do you think 
 that Mr Van Buren will use that are churn ? he keeps 
 his bread buttered,' says I, ' by more wheels than that 
 are churn's got.' ' Well Major," says the Gineral, "' he 
 is a plagy curious critter, ater all he'll make wheels 
 turn sometimes right agin one another, yet he gits along 
 
 and when he lets his slice fall, or some one nocks it out 
 of his hand, it always somehow falls butter side up ' 
 1 well,' says I, 4 Gineral, dont you know why ? ' ' not ex 
 actly,' says he, 4 Major ' * well,' says I, * I'll tell you 
 
 he butters both sides at once,' says I. The Gineral 
 drew his face all into a rumple for about a minute, and 
 then he snorted right out. 
 
 The Gineral talks of goin to the Hermitage next 
 spring he says he thinks he has done enuf for the 
 country and I think so too he says I may go along 
 with him or stay and lend Mr Van Buren a hand we'll 
 say something about this in the Message. 
 Yours as before, 
 
 J. DOWNING, Major. 
 Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 
 
 No. IV. 
 
 The Public Crib at Washington. 
 
 + 
 
 Washington, August 30, 1833. 
 To Mr Divight New- York Daily Advertiser. 
 
 MY GOOD OLD FRIEND Ever since we got ' the Gov 
 ernment ' back here from the Rip Raps, we have been 
 as busy as if we was all on us cocking hay jist afore a 
 shower. 
 
 I tell'd you some time ago that I and the Gineral was 
 
APPENDIX. 253 
 
 fittin and jointin the beams and rafters of the message, 
 but almost every day some plaguy new motion comes in 
 from Mr Van Buren, and some other of our folks, and 
 we have to chizzle new mortises, and run new braces 
 arid string pieces, so that I begin to think it will look 
 curious enuf when its done. The Gineral says he 
 dont care how it fronts, only he is determined to show a 
 sharp corner to the Nullifiers. We shall have a good 
 deal to say about the Grand Tower; there is nothin since 
 the 8th of January at New-Orleans tickles the Gineral 
 half so much. Every time we talk about it, the Gineral 
 gits right up, and says he, ' Major, I ony wish I was fifty 
 years younger, and then,' says he, ' give me the yankees 
 east of Horse Neck, and I'd like no better sport than to 
 have nullification all over the rest of creation.' 
 
 When things dont go right, and the Gineral gits a little 
 wrathy, if I ony tell him the yankees are ready to back 
 him, he is as firm as granite. It would make you crawl 
 all over to read that letter we writ to France, when we 
 come to hear that the King there kinder shuffled round 
 that bill we drawed on him. ' He wont pay it, wont he ?' 
 Says he * Major, what do you think of that ?' * why,' 
 says I, ' Gineral, I think its a nasty mean action and a 
 rascally one too, says I.' Well,' says he, that's enuff,' 
 and then we writ the letter, its jest like Zekel Bige- 
 low's speech it cuts, shaves* and makes the hair fly 
 and if it dont bring the money, I'm mistaken. 
 
 If Mr Livingston had stayd one week longer in York, 
 the Gineral was for sending me right out. 
 
 The most curious part of ' the Government ' here, is 
 to manage the office seekers. You see, things aint now 
 as they was afore Mr Van Buren's time, then it was 
 kinder divided round among the Departments. 
 
 The Post Master Gineral appointed all the Post Mas 
 ters and their folks. The Secretary of the Treasury 
 appointed all the folks in the Custom Houses, and all 
 folks who collected money. These two had an ever- 
 22 
 
254 APPENDIX. 
 
 lastin batch of fellers to appint, and made them feel 
 pretty considerable big, and then the War Secretary had 
 a good slice in appinting the cadets, and Ingen Agents, 
 and all the contracts was kinder sifted round among the 
 Departments ; and so by the time a new President was 
 to be made, some of these Secretaries was a leetle bigger 
 than the President himself. Now this is the way they 
 kinder jockied Mr Adams, who got to be the smallest 
 man at Washington, by lettin other folks plant his corn, 
 and do his huskin ; and afore he knowd it, his own field 
 was all in weeds and theirs well bowed, rich and clean 
 as a whistle. 
 
 But things aint so now, we've got ony one crib, and 
 that's a whappin one too, and ony one door to it ; and 
 when we shell out our corn, we take good care and 
 know well who gets it, and where he is going to plant it ; 
 and that aint all we make 'em agree about the Huskin 
 Frolic,* for that's the best ont arter all. 
 
 The longer I am in * the Government ' the more I 
 larn. But I must allow that of all the inventions I've 
 hearn on of Mr Van Buren's, this is about the slickest. 
 
 There is ony one thing wantin, and that he is tryin 
 for pretty hard and that is the Bank. If he can ony 
 get that in the crib too, Virginy fences would n't stop 
 our cattle. 
 
 Ony think what an everlastin raft of fellows we should 
 have all the Presidents and Cashiers, and Clerks, and 
 Money Counters, about the crib, from Downingville to 
 New-Orleans ! and that aint the best ont ; we would 
 have a branch alongside every post office to keep our 
 postages safe. 
 
 I should like this well enuf if I was sartin I and the 
 Gineral and Mr Van Buren was to be here all the while, 
 to keep a good look out on the crib door. But the 
 
 * The Major, we presume, means the Elections, or Hustings, by 
 this metaphor. 
 
APPENDIX. 255 
 
 Gineral talks of going hum to put the Hermitage to 
 rights; and I am in the notion that Congress is a leetle 
 too strong for 4 the Government ' when the Gineral aint 
 in it and I shall go with him. I am eny most fag'd 
 out myself, and I begin to think with the Gineral, I have 
 done enuf for the country. 
 
 We are lookin for Amos Kindle now every hour. He 
 writ the Gineral tother day, and teld him my * Bank 
 Report ' warn't true, and that I must have got a loan of 
 Squire Biddle. Now that's jist the way with some folks. 
 What they dont know they guess at ; and it's jist so with 
 old Miss Crane, who keeps the tavern this side Down- 
 ingville jist as sure as any one goes by without stop 
 ping, the old critur says, ' There goes so and so, and has 
 got no money, too, and he knows I would n't trust him.' 
 
 Howsumever, no one can make the Gineral rathy with 
 me. He knows I am the best friend about him ; when 
 ever they gets things in any kind of a twist or a snarl, 
 says he, c Major, do you unravel that. I'm the big 
 wheel and you are the smasher,' says he ; and then we 
 jist give Peleg Bissel's churn a turn or two and all is 
 right. 
 
 You don't print my letters right you git some words 
 wrong and spell 'em bad. Jist so the printers sarved the 
 Gineral's letters too ; and folks thought he didn't know 
 nothin, till we got to Cambridge, where they made a 
 doctor on him. 
 
 Your friend, 
 
 J. DOWNING, Major, 
 Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 
 
256 APPENDIX. 
 
 No. V. 
 Preparation of the Message. 
 
 Washington, 2d Nov. 1833. 
 To my old friend, Mr Diviglit, of the New York Daily Advertiser. 
 
 The Congressmen are jest beginnin to arrive here, 
 and I suppose in a short time we shall have them here 
 as thick as huckleberries ; and the Gineral is brushin 
 round now, and says the Message must be finished and 
 painted offhand, and we are all as busy as bees in gittin 
 it dove tailed together ; and after next week, the Gineraf 
 says, there can be any more alterations. It is the first 
 message I ever Jiad any hand in ; and tho'I say it, 1 guess 
 you will say it is about as complete a thing as ever was 
 sent express any where. 
 
 I have been to work on it ever since we was at the Rip- 
 Raps ; and tho' it has been sometimes all pulled to bits, 
 to git in some notions we did n't think on, yet it will look 
 pritty slick, I tell you when it 's done ; and we will lay 
 on paint enuf to kiver up all the cracks and seams. 
 
 We shall give a pritty good lick at the Bank, and won't 
 leave as much on 't standing as would make a good sized 
 oven. It is curius now to see how easy it is to build 
 up, or nock all to bits, any thing on paper. Now jest 
 see about the Bank. There it stands in Chestnut street, 
 with its hundred cord of specie, and its cart load of books ; 
 and its branches here and there, and all busy and full of 
 darks, and directors, and folks in Europe, and all about 
 creation dealin with it ; and the brokers in Wall street 
 all busy about it ; and Biddle's bills goin about, and most 
 folks thinkin they are better than hard dollars ; and all 
 the old men and women holdin the stock, supposin it will 
 go up agin as high as they paid for it ; and I and the 
 Gineral, and Amos Kindle, and Mr Van Buren, talkin 
 
APPENDIX. 257 
 
 over it ; and one line in the Message nocks it all into kin- 
 dlin wood. For you see when The Government ' says 
 a thing must be jest so ! there is no help for it. We can't 
 stand to chat about trifles. The Gineral has smashed 
 three pipes the last time we talked about it. ' Biddle 
 and the Bank must be smashed,' says he, Major ;' 
 and. so smash they go, Congress or no Congress. 
 
 The next thing was the Ingins. Here the Gineral is 
 at home, and I don't pretend to say nothin for F never 
 did like an Ingin, and never can. The Cherokees give 
 us a good deal of trouble in Georgia last year ; but the 
 Gineral took sides with Georgia, because he had a good 
 many friends there, and Mr Van Buren had too ; for that 
 State was the ony one that nominated him Vice-President 
 a spell ago ; and if he had got in there, and Mr Craw 
 ford President, who was ailin all over with some plagy 
 appleplexy I and the Gineral would never have been 
 hearn on arterwards. But no matter The Gineral says 
 he didn't make that treaty with the Cherokees ; and it 
 was made so long ago, he has enymost forgot it : and 
 treaties oughtent to last forever. But this treaty with 
 the Creeks in Alabama he did make, and he knows all 
 about it ; and he means to stand by it, and turn all the 
 squatters off the land in Alabama, jest as they wanted 
 him to do in Georgia ; but he would n't. There is trouble 
 enuf about it, I tell you ; and you dont know nothing 
 about it in York. But the Gineral is tickled to death 
 about it ; and as soon as he saw the Proclamation of the 
 Governor of Alabama, you never see a critur so spruced 
 up as the Gineral was. Major, says he, we shall have 
 another Nullification this Congress, arter all. You 
 need 'nt say much about it, says he, in the Message, 
 we'll keep that for a Proclamation. Well, says I, Gin 
 eral, you are a master hand at gettin into trouble. But, 
 says he, Major, aint I a master one in gittin out of one, 
 says he 1 
 
 We've got an old trunk up chamber, full of troubles 
 
258 APPENDIX. 
 
 old Laws, and Treaties, and Contracts, and State 
 Claims ; and whenever we want any powder, all we 've 
 got to do is to open that, and look among old papers and 
 get up a row in no time. The Gineral likes this a leetle 
 better than I do ; for the most of the labor falls on me, 
 and the ony way I can git rid of it, is to make our folks 
 down stairs do it, if I see it gives any of 'em a boost with 
 his party for I dont care nothin about any thing here 
 but the Gineral ; and if I can git him threw this Con 
 gress, its pretty much all I care about, and he too ; for 
 aterthat I'm goin with him to the Hermitage, for I ex 
 pect by that time there wont be much more left of us 
 than our beards and shoe strings. 
 Your friend, 
 
 J. DOWNING, Major, 
 Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 
 
 No. VI. 
 
 SIR GEORGE DOWNING. 
 
 Some account of Sir George Downing of London, sup 
 posed to be one of Major D owning 1 s ancestors. 
 
 From the New York Daily Advertiser. 
 THE DOWNINGS. The celebrity of Major Jack Down 
 ing has created an intense and very natural curiosity in 
 the public mind to know something of his origin and 
 ancestry. Hoping that some of the down-east antiqua 
 ries and genealogists will favor the world with the in 
 formation desired, I submit to your disposal the follow 
 ing imperfect notice of Sir George Downing, one of the 
 Major's ancestors, which I have drawn from an interest 
 ing and learned work now in a course of publication, in 
 numbers, entitled Memorial of the Graduates of Har- 
 
APPENDIX. 259 
 
 vard University, in Cambridge, Mass. Commencing 
 with the first class, 1642. By John Farmer, Cor. Sec. 
 of the N. H. Hist. Society.' 
 
 George Downing was born in London in 1624, and 
 accompanied his parents to this country when about 
 thirteen years of age. His father, E manual Downing, a 
 great friend of New England, was brother-in-law to 
 John Winthrop, one of the principal founders and first 
 governor of Massachusetts. George received his edu 
 cation at Harvard College. About 1646 he returned to 
 England, when he was soon brought into notice, being, 
 as Gov. Winthrop says, ' a very able scholar, and of 
 ready wit and fluent utterance.' He w T as appointed 
 chaplain in the regiment of Col. John Okey, in the army 
 of Lord Fairfax, who had command of the Parliament 
 forces in the north. In 1653 he was commissary gen 
 eral, and about the same time scout-master-general of 
 the English army in Scotland. In the same year he 
 was employed in negotiations with the Duke of Savoy. 
 He seems to have been fitted by nature for scenes of 
 political maneuvering ; and his principles were of such 
 flexible character, that he could easily accommodate 
 them to any service which the times required. 
 
 In 1655 he visited the French king on public business, 
 and communicated his instructions in Latin. In 1657 
 he was appointed minister to Holland. In March, 
 1662, while in that country, in order to show his zeal 
 and love for his majesty, he procured the arrest of John 
 Okey, Miles Corbet, and John Barkstead, three of the 
 Judges who had condemned to death Charles I, and sent 
 them to England for trial. Okey had been the friend of 
 Downing, who served in his regiment as chaplain. 
 With the other two, he had co-operated in the cause of 
 the Parliament. His conduct, therefore, in this trans 
 action was justly reprobated. 
 
 He also spake of Cromwell as a traitor and rebel. 
 In 1663, he was created a baronet. He informed Pe- 
 
260 APPENDIX. 
 
 pys that, when in Holland, * he had so good spys, that 
 he hath had the keys taken out of De Witt's (the Dutch 
 minister) pocket when he was abed, and his closet 
 opened and papers brought to him and left in his hands 
 for an hour, and carried back and laid in the place 
 again, and the keys put into his pocket. He says he 
 hath had their most private debates, that have been 
 between but two or three of them, brought to him, and 
 in an hour after that hath sent word thereof to the king.' 
 In 1671, he was again sent to Holland, but returning 
 before he had executed the business of his mission to the 
 satisfaction of the king, was imprisoned in the tower. 
 He was afterwards restored to royal favour. In the 
 difficulties which the New England colonies had with 
 Charles II, from 1669, Mr Downing was represented as 
 having been very friendly to Massachusetts. He died in 
 1624 at the age of 60. 
 
 Major Jack Downing, of Downingville, seems to have 
 inherited his distinguished ancestor's talents for war, 
 business, and diplomacy, and, like him, to possess ready 
 wit and fluent utterance, and to bask in the sunshine of 
 royal favour. Whether he resembles him in other re 
 spects, time must disclose. 
 
 THE END. 
 
6 
 
- v 
 
 X-' 
 
U.C. BERKELEY LIBRARIES 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 
 5 !! 
 
r 
 
 p 
 
 I: 
 
 I