A A " jM| 1 ^^^^^ 2 1 2 I REGIO 2 1 NAL LIBf 4 5 4 — " ! < ' : ACIL =i ■ THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES MAJOR JACK DOWNING OF DOWNINGVILLE. THE SELECT LETTERS MAJOR JACK DOWNING, OF THE DOWNLXGVILLE MILITIA, AWAY DOWN EAST, IN THE STATE OF MAINE. WRITTEN BY HIMSELF. Wonder of men ! like whom, to mortal eyes. None e'er has risen, and none e'er shall rise, How shall I till a library with wit ? When half the labour is unfinished yet, They say, a fate attends on all I write. And when I aim at praise they say I bite. But rivals in pursuit of wealth, or fame, To get an office, must obtain a name. PHILADELPHIA, PRINTED FOR THE PUBLISHER. 1834. Entered, acrordine to Act of Congress, in the year lTHE LONG AGONY OVE^^OI And my Nomination out. We delay this paper something beyond the usual hour of publication in order to lay before our readers the im- portant intelligence received yesterday from Downing- ville. — This we have been able to accomplish, tho' not without extraordinary exertions and extra help. But the crisis is important, we had almost said appalling, and demands of every patriotic citizen of Maine the highest sacrifices in his power to make. The important proceedings of the grand convention at Oowningville reached here, by express, yesterday about a quarter be- fore 3 o'clock, P. M. having travelled the whole distance notwithstanding the extreme high temperature of the weather, at the rate of thirteen and a half miles an hour. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 39 And but for an unfortunate occurrence, it would un- doubtedly have reached here at least three hours earlier Capt. Jehu Downing, who with his characteristic mag- nanimity and patriotism volunteered to bring the ex- press the whole way, having taken a high spirited steed for the first ten miles, was unfortunately thrown to the ground in attempting to leap a barrier which lay across the road. Two of his ribs were broken by the fall, and his right arm so badly fractured that it is feared ampu- tation must be resorted to, besides several other severe, contusions on various parts of the body. We are happy to hear however that Doctor Zachariah Downing, who on hearing the melancholy intelligence very promptly repaired to the spot to offer his professional services, pronounces the Captain out ot danger, and also that the Captain bears his misfortune with his accustomed forti- tude, expressly declaring that the only regret he feels on the occasion is the delay of the express. Here is patriotism, a devoteduess to the welfare of the country, and to genuine democratic republican principles, worthy of the days of the revolution. Lieut. Timothy Downing forwarded the express the remainder of the way with the utmost despatch, having run down three horses, one of which died on the road. —But we keep our readers too long from the gratifying intelligence i-eceived. Great Democratic National Republican Convention. Downingville, Monday, July 19, 1830. At a large and respectable meeting of the democratic national republicans of Downingville and the neighbor- ing parts of the state, convened this day at the centre school house, the meeting was called to order by the venerable and silver-haired patriarch, old Mr. Zebedee Downing, who had not been out to a political meeting before for the last twenty- five years. The venerable old gentleman stated in a few feeling remarks the object of 40 LETTERS OF the meeting; that he had not meddled with politics since the days of Jefferson: but that know in view of the aw- ful calamities which threatened to involve our country in total ruin, he felt it his duty the little remainingtime he might be spared from the grave, to lift up his voice and his example before his children, grand children, and great grand children whom he saw gathered around him, and encourage them to save the country for which he had fought and bled in his younger years. After the enthusiastic applause elicited by these remarks, the old gentleman called for the nomination of a chairman, and Joshua Downing, Esquire was unanimously called to the chair, and Mr. Ephraim Downing appointed Secretary. , On motion of Mr. Jacob Downing, voted, that a com- mittee of five be appointed to draft resolutions to lay before this meeting. Whereupon, Jotliam Downing. Ichabob Downing, Zenas Downing, Levi Downing,and Isaiah Downing, were appointed said committee, and after retiring about five minutes they returned and re- ported the following preamble and resolutions. Whereas an awful crisis has arrived in the political affairs of our country, our public men all having turned traitors, and resolved to ruin the country, and make us and our children all slaves forever; and whereas our ship of state and our ship of the United States, are both driven with tremendous violence before the fury of the political tempest, and are just upon the point of being dashed upon the breakers of political destruction; and whereas, nothing short of the most prompt and vigorous exertions of the patriotic democratic national republi- cans of this state and of the United States can avert the impending danger. And whereas, the Jacksonites, and Adamsites, and Huntonitcs. and Smithites, have so multiplied in the land, an J brought things to such a pass, that our liber- ties are unquestionably about to receive their doom for- ever: / Therefore Resolved, that it is the highest and most MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 41 sacred duty of every patriotic Democratic National Re- publican in the State, to arouse himself and buckle on his political armour, and make one last, one mighty ef- fort to save the state and the country, and place the constitution once more upon a safe and firm founda- tion. Resolved, that the awful crisis of affairs in this State requires a firm devoted patriot, a high-minded and gifted statesman, and a uniform unwavering Democratic Na- tional Republican, for chief magistrate. Resolved, that in this awful crisis, we believe the eye9 of all true patriots are turned upon THE HON. JACK DOWNING, late of Downingville. but since last winter a resident in Portland, the capital of the State. Resolved, that we have the fullest confidence in the talents, integrity, moral worth, tried patriotism, and un- wavering and unchangeable sterlit.g Democratic Nation- al Republicanism of the Hon. Jack Downing, and that his election to the office of Governor in September next, and nothing else, can save the State from total, unutterable, and irretrievable ruin. Resolved therefore, that we reeommed him to the electors of this State as a candidate for said office, and that we will use all fair and honourable means, and, if necessary, will not stick at some a little dis-honourable, to secure his election. Resolved, that we disapprove of personal crimination and re-crimination in political contests, and therefore will only say of our opponents, that we think them no better than they should be, and that they unquestiona- bly mean to destroy the land we live in. Resolved, that it be recommended to all the patriotic democratic national republicans throughout the State, to be up and doing; to call county meetings, town meet- ings, school district meetings, and village and bar-room meetings, and proceed to organise the party as fast as D2 42 LETTERS OF possible, by appointing standing committees, and central committees, and corresponding committees, and bearers and distributors of handbills; and in short by doing eve- ry thing that the good of the cause and the salvation of the country requires. Resolved, conditionally, that in case General Jack- son should be likely to be re-elected, we highly and cor- dially approve of his administration, and believe him to be second to none but Washington; but in case he should stand no chance of re-election, we resolve him to be the ignorant tool of a corrupt faction, plotting to destroy the liberties of the country. Resolved, that the thanks of this convention be pre- sented to Miss Abigail Downing, for the use of her school room this afternoon, she having with a generous patriotism dismissed her school for that purpose. Resolved, that the proceedings of this convention, signed by the chairman and secretary, be published in the Portland Daily Courier, and the Family Reeder, the official organs of the Hon. Jack Downing's corres- pondence, and any other genuine Democratic National Republican papers in the State. JOSHUA DOWNING, Chairman. Attest: Ehhraim Downing, Secretary. We are assured by LieutenantTimothyDo\vning,with whom we had a short interview, that the best spirit pre- vailed in the convention; not a dissenting voice was heard, and all the resolutions passed unanimously. We add an extract or two from private letters. From -Ephr aim Downing, to the Hon. Jack Downing. « Well, Jack, if you don't acknowledge we've done the thing up in style, you're nogentlemanandnot fit for Governor. I wish you to be very particular to keep the Sheriff's office for me. — Father says cousin Jeremiah has thrown out some hints that he shall have the Sheriff's office, iiut butter my ristbands, if you do give it to MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 43 him you'll go out of office again next year, that's posi- tive. Jere's a clear factionist, you may rely upon that. No, no, stick to your old friends, and "they'll stick to you. I'm going to start to-morrow morning on an elec- tioneering cruise. I shall drum 'em up about right. You only keep a stiff* upper lip, and you'll come in all hollow. " From Joshua Downing, Esq. to the Hon. Jack Downing. " Dear Jack, things look well here; with proper exer- tions I think you may rely upon suceess. I am in great haste, and write this jest to tell you to be sure and not promise a single office to any mortal living, till I see you. These things must be managed very prudently, and you will stand in need of the counsel of your old uncle. 1 think I could do as much good to the state by being ap- pointed Land Agent, as any way; but I'll determine upon that when I see you. N. B. Make no promises. Your affectionate uncle, JOSHUA. LETTER XVIII. Particulars and Returns of the Caucus. To the Hon. Jack Downing, Portland. Downingville, Monday Eve, September 13, 1830. Dear Jaokj — I have just returned, puffing and blow- ing, from town-meeting, and have only time to tell you that we gave you a confounded good run here. If your friends in the rest of the State have done their duty, you are elected by an overwhelming majority. The vote in this town for governor stood as follows: — 44 LETTERS OF Hon. Jack Downing, 87 Hon. Samuel E. Smith, 00 Hon. Jonathan G. Hunton, 00 Capt. Jehu Downing is elected representative; it was thought to be due to him by the party for his magnani- mous exertions in carrying the express to Portlaud at the time you were nominated by our grand convention. In great haste, your uncle, JOSHUA DOWNING. LETTER XIX. Mr. Downing* 8 ingenious scheme to get an office. Portland, Dec. 13, 18;10. Dear Uncle Joshua: — I am tired of hard work, and I mean to have an office some how or other yet Its true I and all our family got rather dished in the governor business; if I'd only got in, they should every soul of 'em had an office, down to the forty-ninth cousin. But its no use to cry for spilt milk. I've got another plan in my head; I find the United States offices are the things to make money in, and if I can get hold of a good fat one, you may appoint a day of thanksgiving up there in Downingville, and throw by your work every one of you as long as you live. I want you to set me up lor member of Congress up there, and get me elected as soon as you can, for if I can get on to Washington I believe I can work it so as to get an office somehow or other. — I want you to be particular to put me up as a Tariff" man. I was agoing to take sides against the tariff so as to please Gineral Jackson and all his party, for they deal out the offices now a days, and you know they've been mad enough MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 45 with the tariff to eat it up. But the Portland Adver- tiser has been blowin away lately and praising up the tariff' and telling what a tine thing tis, and fact, it has brought the old gintral round. His great long message to Congress has just got along here, and the old gentle- man says the tariff wants a little mendin, but on the whole it's a cute good thing, and we must n't give it up. Your lovin neff'u, JACK DOWNING. LETTER XX. Cousin Nabby describes the Temperance of Downing- ville. Downingville, Jinerwary, 20, 18S1. To Cousin Sarah Downing, at School down to Portland. I should like to know, cousin Sarah, if you have heard down there to Portland any thing about a temperance so- ciety. If you have just write and tell me what it means. You know father wants to know the meaning of every thing,and sol walked tu miles over to the school-master's to borry Mr. Walker's dictionary to see what it meant; and after all I want no wiser than I was afore, for there wasn't one word in it about temperance societies. T other day father sot in the shop door, wondering if Jack would go to the Congress or not, when a proper great fat red- faced man came in, and opened a long paper with more names on it than I could read in a week, — and says he, Mr.Downing,I want you to sine your name to this paper. Father took hold of the paper with one hand, and run tother up under his hat, jest as he always does when he tries to think; and, my friend, says he, 1 dont know as I quite understand what this ere means. Why, says he, 46 LETTERS OF by putting your name down, you promise not to drink any rum yourself, nor to let any of yourfamily. My con- science, father understood it then, I can tell you, he hopped rite out of his chair, and I guess the temperance man was gone in no time. Well, afier father had time to consider a little he began t') feel afraid he had n't used the man exactly right; for, said he, may be all places aint like Downingville. I remember reading in the newspaper of some places where they drink rum as we do water, and get so drunk that they tumble about on the ground. And may be the man did n't know but what we drank it here. And if lie was trying to do good he was n't so much to blame after all. Indeed, Sam, said he, for Mr. Josslyn came in while he was talking, I've been told there are shop keepers whoretale rum by the half jill, to men who drink it at their counters, and some can actually bare that enormous quantity two and three times in a day. 1 never see Sam's eyes so big, Sarah; he look'd as if he wanted to say, that's a whack- er, Mr. Downing; and so thinks I, I will write to Sarah, and she '11 tell me all about it. Yuur loving cousin, NABBY. P.S. I tried to tell what father said in his own words, cause you always like to hear him talk. Sam says Sarah dont understand such things; the libry is only tit for folks like her and the schoolmaster. A farmer ort to stick to his ox bows and guard sticks. And I believe he's half rite, Sarah, for I dont believe you are so happy for trying to no so much; ever since you took to study, I see you dont laugh half so hearty as you used to, and you look sober three times as often. I 'm' afraid you will be a spoilt girl for the country, Sarah; you 'd better leave your hard words and come up here, and sing at your wheel all day, churn butter and milk the cows, go to slay rides and quiltings, and be as good and happy as you used to be. I love you, Sarah, and always shall, and I believe Sam would like you as well as he duz me, if twant for your learnin. There, I wont say another word, for I'm half cryin now, N. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 47 LETTER XXI. Mr. Downing' s account of the dreadful tussle in which the Jacksonites in the legislature attempt to pour a *' healing act" down the Huntonile's throats. Portland, Feb. 4, 1831. Dkar Uncle Joshua. — If you got my postscript to this letter that I sent you yesterday, I spose you wont sleep nor eat much till you hear something more about it. So I thought I'd try to send you a little bit of a let- ter to-day. O dear, uncle, there 's terrible times here again, and I'm half afraid it's agoing to be worse than it was last winter. The Legislater 's been all in the wind this two or three days, pulling and hauling and lighting like smoke. The wheels of governments are all stopt ; I can say as they are trigged, as they used to be last winter, but they are fairly stopped, because nobody dont pull 'em along ; for when the members are all pull- ing each other's caps, how can they pml the wheels of government ? They seemed to get along very well ever since they've been here till now, and I thought they most all belonged to them are two clever parties that tried so hard to save the State last winter ; I mean the demo- cratic republicans and the national republicans. But some how or other this week a quarrelsome gang of Jacksonites and Huntonites lias got into the Legislater and kicked up such a bobbery, it seems as though they'd tare the State all to pieces. My heart 's been up in my mouth a dozen times for fear the State would go to ruin before I could get out of it ; and I've scratched round and picked up what few bean-poles and ax-handles I had left, and got all ready to sad to Boston, for I'me determined to be off before the State goes to rack. And I advise you and all our friends at Dom ningville to pack up as soon as you get this letter, and be all ready as soon as you hear a cracking down this way to fly for your lives away back into New-Hampshire or Vermont. 48 LETTERS OF The trouble as near as I could understand it begun in this way. The Jacksonites said the Huntonites worked so hard last winter in trying to trig the wheels of govern* ment, and tare the constitution to pieces, that they made themselves all sick, dreadful sick, and had n't got well yet; and it was time to do something to try to cure 'em ; for their sickness was so catching that all the State would be taken down with it in a little while, if they want cured. But the Huntonites said they want sick a bit; they never was better in their lives ; and moreover, it was false that they had tried to trig the wheels of govern- ment last winter, or tear a single leaf out of the consti- tution ; if any thing of that kind was done, they said the Jacksonites did it, and as for taking doctor's shift' they'd no notion of it. But the Jacksonites said 'twas no use, the Huntonites were all sick, and they must take some doctor stuff, and if they would n't take it willingly they must be made to take it. So they went to work and fixed a dose that they called a healing act, that they said would cure all the Huntonites anrl any body else that had catched the sickness of 'em. The Huntonites declared 'twas no use for 'em to fix it, they never would take it as long as they lived, that's what they wouldn't: they were as well as any body, and they'd fight it out till next June before they'd take it. Howsomever, the Jacksonites got their dose ready, and yesterday they carried it into the House of Representatives and told the Huntonites they must take it, and 'twould do 'em good. As soon as the Huntoiiites'smelt of it, they turn- ed up their noses, and said no, before they'd take that are plaguy dirty stuff they'd light 'em all over the State, inch by inch. But the Jacksonites said 'twas no use, they might sniff as much as they pleased, it was the only thing that would cure 'em, and they must take it. and more than all that, they was the strongest and they should take it. Some of the Huntonites looked pale as tho' they were a little grain frightened, and some of them looked red MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 49 as though they were mad as a March hair. And some of 'em begun to talk to the Jacksonites and tell 'em how unreasonable it was to make 'em take doctor stuff when they want sick. They were well now, and like as not if they should take it, 'twould make 'em all sick. One of 'em, that talked like a very clever man got up and coaxed 'em to ask the Judges of the great Court if they thought there was any need of their taking sich a dose, or if it would do 'em any good if they did take it. But the Jacksonites said no, they shouldn't ask no sich questions. They understood the business well enough, they knew the Huntonites were sick, and they knew this would cure 'em, and swallow it they should. Well, the Huntonites see how 'twas gone goose with 'em, and they thought the only chance left was to put their hands over their mouths and fight and kick and scrabble with all their might and keep it out of their throats as long as they could. Still they tried to talk and reason with the Jacksonites about it. They asked 'em to let them have time to examine the medicine carefully and see what it was made of, or that they would tell 'em what it was made of. or why they thought it would do any good to take it. But the Jacksonites said they should n't tell 'em any thing about it, it would be ' casting- pearls before swine,' and the good book said they must n't do so. The men who had fixed the dose knew what they were about, they had fixed it right, and the Huntonites must open their mouths and take it, and not parley any more about it. And now the rale tussle and the hard fight begun. The House seemed to be so full of Jack- sonites and Huntonites that I guess there was n't but a few republicans left. And I could n't help minding that the Jacksonites took the seats of the democratic republicans, and the Huntonites took the seats of the national republicans. Well, the Jacksonites took the dose in one hand, and grab'd the Huntonites with the other, and tipped their heads back, and were jest agoing to pour it down their throats, when the Huntonites E 50 LETTERS OP fetched a spring and kicked it away to the fourth day of April. Iiut the Jacksonites run after it and got it back again in about haif an hour, and clinched 'em again, and got all ready to pour it down ; but jest as they got it almost to their lips, the Huntonites fetched another spring and kicked it away to the fourth of March. Away went the Jacksonites after it again, and brought it back, and clinched the Huntonites in the same manner as before, and they kicked it away again, but they didn't kick this time quite to the end of February. So they kept it agoing all the forenoon, but every time the Huntonites kick'd the bitter dose away, it didn't go so far as it did the last time before. I spose they begun to grow tired and could n't kick so hard. Well, then they tried to adjourn so as to get some din- ner, but the Jacksonites would n't let 'em, And they kept 'em there till four o'clock in the afternoon without any dinner, and I dont know but they thought the Hun- tonites would get so hungry after a while that they would swallow it down without much fuss. But it all would n't do, the nearer it come to 'em, the tighter the Huntonites gritted their teeth together, and I guess they'd a starved before they would take it. Well after the Jacksonites had tried nearly twenty times to pour down the bitter dose, and the Huntonites had kicked it away as many times, both parties seemed to be nearly tired out, and so they finally agreed to adjourn till nine o'clock this morning. I thought the Huntonites, if they once got out, would cut and run home and get clear of the plaguy stuff. But instead of that they all come in again this morning, and they've been at it again all day, hammer and tongs, the Jacksonites trying to pour it down, and the Huntonites fighting against it, tooth and nail. How it '11 come out I cant tell. Whether the State will be ruined if they dont take it, I cant tell ; or whe- ther it will cure them if they do take it, I can't tell. But I cin assure you, dear uncle, there's a greater fuss MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 51 here, than there was when the little boy said lie tun and jumped over a Fence and tore his trowses as if the hea- vens and earth were coining to pieces. If we live through it, 1 shall let you know something more about it. Your lovin neffu, JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXII. An account of the manner in which the "healing act" teas crammed down the Hvntonites'' throats. Portland, Saturday, March 5, 1831. Dear Uncle Joshua, — I aint dead, but I spose you begin to feel kind of uneasy about me, bein I have n't writ home so long. Well, I'll tell you 'twas; I've had this ere cold and one thing or another, so bad, I did n't (eel hardly smart enough to write. And besides I got so skeer'd that night the Jacksonites poured their doc- tor stuff, what they call the healing plaster down the throates of the Huntonites, that I did n't dare to go nigh 'em again for a good while for fear they'd pour some of their pesky stuff' down my throat. But I'am sorry I did n't write afore, for I've let it alone so long now, that my work has got desputly behindhand. When I writ to you before, the Jacksonites were holding the Huntonites by the hair of the head with one hand and trying to cram the healing plaster down their throats with 'tother, and the Huntonites were kicking and scrambling, and gutting their teeth together with all their might, and doubling up their fists and stamping, and declaring up hill and down, that they would never take it. And they were so obstropulous about it for a while. I did n't know as they ever would swallow it. But the Jacksonites were the stoutest, and held on to 'em like a dog to a root, and kept 'em there all the day and ail the evening till about midnight, and then the 5 '2 LETTERS OF poor Huntonites seemed to be a most dragged out. I fairly pitied 'em. Along in the first of it they threat- ened pretty stoutly, and declared by every thing that's black and blue, if they had to take this dirty dose and should happen to be strongest next year, they'd make the Jacksonites take a dose worth two of this. But all the threatening did n't do any good; and then they fell to begging and coaxing, and that did n't do any good nother. The Jacksonites said they should not only take it, but they should take it that night before they slept. At last they got their hands and feet tied, and kept bringin it up a little nearer and little nearer to their mouths, and the Huntonites got so they could n't do nothing but spit. But the Jacksonites did n't mind the spitting, for you know it is n't for the doctor to stand about being spit upon a little, when he's giving medicine. Just before the last ont, the poor Huntonites rolled their eyes dreadfully, and I believe some on 'em lost their senses a little; one of 'em took a notion that they were going to make him swallow a whole live goose, feathers and all, and he b'^gged of 'em, if they would n't take out the gizzard and t'other inside things, that they'd jest pull out the pin feathers, so that it would n't scratch his throat going clown. But they did n't pay no attention to him, and just before the clock struck twelve they grabbed 'em by the throat, and pried their mouths open, and poured it in. The Huntonites guggled a little, but they had to swallow it. A day or two afterwards they nipde some of the Sinneters take it in the same way. They had a considerable tussle for it, but not quite so bad as they had in the House. Some thought this healinu; dose would make the Hun- tonites worse, and some thought it would make 'em better. I'vewatch'd 'em ever since they took it when- ever 1 dared to go near the Legislater, and I can't see much alteration in 'm. But that, or something else, has kicked up a monstrous dust amongst other folks all over the world amost. I've been looking over the newspapers a little, and I never see the world in such a MAJOR JACK DOWNING. terrible hubbub before in all my life. Every body seems to be running mad, and jest ready to eat each other up. There's Russia snapping her teeth like a great bear, and is just agoing to eat up the Poles, I don't mean Ephraim's bean poles, but all the folks that live in Poland; not that are Poland up there where Mr. Dunn lives, but that great Poland over alongside of Russia. And there's the Dutch trying to eat up Hol- land, and the Belgians are trying to eat up the Dutch, and ther's ' five great powers' trying to pour a healing dose down the throat of the king of the Netherlands, and there's Mr. O'Connell trying to make the king of' England and Parliament take a healing dose, and there's Ireland jest ready to eat up Mr. O'Connell, and all the kings of Europe are trying to eat up the peo- ple, and the people are all trying to eat up the kings. And our great folks in this country too, away off" there to Washington, have got into such a snarl, I guess it would puzzle a Philadelphy lawyer to get 'em out of it. There's the President and Mr. Calhoun and Mr. Van Buren and the two great republican papers, and half a dozen more of 'em, all together by the ears; but which of 'em will eat up the rest 1 don't know. I have heard a good many guess that Mr. Van Buren would eat up the whole toat of 'em; for they say although he is a small man, there isn't another man in the country, th t can eat his way through a political pudding so slick as he can. These are dreadful times, uncle; I don't know what '11 become of the world, if I dont get an office pretty soon. It seems to me there must be something out of the way to make so much confusion in the world; and I hope the Legislater before they adjourn will pass a ge- neral healing act to cure all these difficulties. They 've been talking about passing a healing act to cure our State House up to Augusta, for they say its two small, and they intend to bring it down here to Portland to cure it. But I guess it '11 give 'em a pull, for they say the Kennebeckers are master fellers to hold on. E 2 54 LETTERS OF They had a kind of flusteration here to-day in the Legislater. The Speaker 's cleared out, and left 'em, because the Governor said he'd taken his turn sitting in the Chair long enough, and he must go and sit on the Bench awhile now. And then they went to work and chose that good natured man from Monmouth for Speak- er. I meant to a told you about them are two great meetings they 've had here to make Governors and Pre- sidents and one thing another: but I haven't time to- day. One of 'tn made Mr. Smith Governor for next year and Gineral Jackson President; and t'other made Mr. Sprague governor, and kind of put Mr. Clay a brew- ing for President. If you think its best for me to run again for governor another year I wish you'd call our friends together up there and have me nominated, for there's nothing like starting in season in these matters. Your loving neffu, JACK DOWNING LETTER XXIIL Mr. Downing's Poetical dream. Portland, Saturday, April 2, 1831. Dear Cousin Nabbt, — I dont hardly know whether to send this letter to you, or uncle Joshua. You know I always send all the the politics and Legislates to un- cle; but this ere one's most all poetry, and they say that stuft' belongs to the ladies. So 1 believe on the whole 1 shall send it to you. Dont you be skeer'd now because 1 've made some poetry, for I dont think it'll hurt me; I dont feel crazy for nothing. But I'll just tell you how it happened. Last night I was in the Le- MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 55 gislater and they sot out to make a law to tax old ba- chelors. They tried pretty hard to make it, and I thought one spell they 'd get it. I felt kind of bad about it because I knew it would bear so hard upon cousin Obediah. Well, I went home and went to bed, and I dont know what the matter was, but I had a kind of a queer night of it; and when I got up in the morning there was a soft sort of sickish stuff kept running off of my tongue, jest like a stream of chalk. Pray tell me what you think of it: here it is. I dreamed a dream in the midst of my slumbers, And, as fast as I dream'd, it was coined into numbers, My thoughts ran along in such beautiful metre, I'am sure I ne'er saw any poetry sweeter. It seem'd that a law had been recently made, That a tax on old bachelors' pates should be laid. And in order to make them all willing to marry, The tax was as large as a man could well carry. The Bachelors grumbled, and said 't were no use, 'T was cruel injustice and horrid abuse, And declar'd that to save their own heart's blood from spilling. Of such a vile tax they would ne'er pay a shilling. But the Rulers determined their scheme to pursue, So they set all the bachelors up at vendue. A crier was sent thro' the town to and fro, To rattle his bell, and his trumpet to blow, And to bawl out at all he might meet in the way, " Ho ! forty old bachelors sold here to day," And presently all the old maids in the town. Each one in her very best bonnet and gown, From thirty to sixty, fair, plain, red and pale, Of every description, all nocked to the sale. The auctioneer then in his labors began, And called out aloud, as he held up a man, ! '• How much for a bachelor 1 who wants to buy 1** In a twink every maiden responded — " I — L" 56 LETTERS OF In short, at a hugely extravagant price, The bachelors all were sold off in a trice; And forty old maidens, some younger, some older, Each lugged an old bachelor home on her shoulder. JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXIV. The blow up of President Jackson's first Cabinet puts a new kink into Mr. Downing'' s head, and the result. Portland, April 26, 1831. Dear Uncle Joshua, — I'm in considerable of a kind of a flusteration to-day, because I've got a new sceme in my head. New ideas, you know, are always apt to give me the agitations a little ; so you mustn't wonder if my letter this time does have some rather odd things in it. I don't know when I've had such a great scheme in my head afore. But you know I was always determined to make something in the world, and if my friends '11 only jest stick by me, I shall make common folks stare yet. Some thought it was a pretty bold push my trying to get in to be governor last year : and some have laughed at me, and said I come out at the little end of the born about it, and that I'd better staid up to Downingville and hoed potatoes, than to be fishing about lor an office and not get any more votes than 1 did. But they can't see through a millstone so fur as I can. Altlio' 1 didn't get in to be governor, its made me known in the world, and made considerable of a great man of me, so that I shall stand a much bet- ter chance to get an office if I try again. But I must make haste and tell you what I am at, for 1 am in a great hurry. I guess you'll stare when I tell you the next letter you'll get from me will be dated at Wash- MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 57 ington, or else somewhere on the road between here and there. 0, uncle, we have had some great news here from Washington ; every body's up in arms about it, and can't hardly tell what to think of it. They say the President's four great Secretaries have all resigned ; only think of that, uncle. And they say their salaries were six thousand dollars a-yiar ; only jest think ot that, uncle. Six thousand dollars a year. Why, a governor's salary is a fool to it. On the whole, I'm glad I didn't get the governor's office. I shall start for Washington to-morrow morning ; or I don't know but I shall start to-night, if I can get ready, and travel all night. Its best to be in season in such things, and I shall have to go rather slow, for I've got pretty consid- erable short of money, and expect I shall have to foot it part way. I shall get there in about a fortnight, and I'm in hopes to be in season to get one of them are offices. I think it's the duty of all true republicans that have the good of the country at heart, to take hold and help the President along in these trying difficulties. — For my part, lam perfectly willing to take one of the offices, and I hope some other good men will come right forward and take the others. What a shame 'twas that them are Secretaries should all clear out, and leave the poor old General to do all the work alone. Why, un- cle, they'd no more patriotism than your old hoss. But I must n't stop to parley about it now; what I want to say is, I wish you to write a recommendation to the President fer me to have one of his offices, and go round as quick as you can and get all our friends at Downingville to sign it, and send it on to Washington as fast as possible; for it would be no more than right that I should show the President some kind of recom- mendation before he gives me the office. I want you to tell the President that I've always been one of his strongest friends; and you know I always have spoke well ot" him, and in fact he is the best President we ever had, It might be well for you to quote this last sen* 58 LETTEHS OF tence as an « extract from a letter of the Hon. Jack Downing.' It would give the President some confi- dence in my friendship, and th-i ' Hon.' would convince him that lam a man of some standing in the State. Now you keep up a good heart, uncle ; you have al- ways had to delve hard all your days up there on the old farm, and you've done considerable to boost me up into an office, and if 1 get hold of these six thouand dollars a year, you shall have a slice out of it that will make your old heels felt light again. I haven't named it to a single soul here except cousin Sally, and I want it to be kept a profound secret till I get the office, so as to make them are chaps that have been a sneering at me here, stare like an owl in a thunder shower. And, besides, if it should h ak out that I was going, I'm afraid somebody else might get the start of me, for there are always enough that have their mouth open when it rains such rich porrage. But it's like as not, the news- papers 'II blab it out before I get halfway there. And you needn't think strange, if you see some of the Bos- ton or New York papers in a few days saying, 'The Hon. Jack Downing passed through this city yesterday, on his way to Washington. It is rumoured, that he is to be called upon to fill one of the vacant offices.' — But I must stop, for it is time I was picking up my duds for a start. Sally has been darning my stockings all the morning. Love to Aunt and Cousin Nabby, and all of 'em. Good by. Your loving neff'u, JACK DAWNING. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 59 LETTER XXV. Mr. Downing on his way to assist Jackson, at Washing- ton, stops at Boston— his conversation witn the Bos- ton Editors. City of New York, May 4, 1831. Dear Uncle Joshua, — I have got so fur at last, and a pretty hard run I've had of it to get here, I can tell ye. This running after offices is pretty tuft' work for poor folks. Sometimes I think there aint much profit in it after all, any more than there is in buying lottery tickets, where you pay a dollat and sometimes get four shillings back, and sometimes nothing. Howsomever I dont mean to be discouraged yet, for if I should give out now and go back again, them are sassy chaps in Port- land would laft' at me worse than they did afore. — What makes me feel kind of down hearted about it, is because I've seen in the newspapers that tu of them are good offices at Washington are gone aready. One Mr. Livingston 's got one of 'em, and Mr. Woodbury that lives up in New Hampshire 's got tother, and I'm con- siderable afraid the others will be gone before I get there. I want you to be sure and get my recommendation into the post office as soon as you can, so it may get there as soon as I do. It's a week to-day since I started from Portland, and if I have good luck I'm in hopes to get there in about a week more. Any how, I shall worry along as fast as I can. I have to foot it more than three-quarters of the way, because the stage folks ask so much to ride, and my money's pretty near gone. But if I can only jest get there before the offices are gone I think I shall get one of 'em, for I got a good string of recommendations in Boston as I come along. I never thought of getting any recommendations of strangers, till a man I was travelling with, kind of talk- ed round and round, and found out what I was after. 60 LETTERS OF And then says he, if you want to make out, you must get the newspaper folks to give you a lift, for they manage these matters. And he told me I better get some of the Boston Editors to recommend me, or it Mould be no use for me to go. I thought the man was more than half right, so when I got into Boston I called round to see the editors. — They all seemed very glad to see me, when I told 'em who I was; and I never see a better set of true republi- cans any where in the State of Maine. And when I told 'em that I was always a true republican, and my father and grand father were republicans before me, they all talked so cleaver about patriotism, and our re- publican institutions, and the good of the people, that I could n't help thinking it was a plaguy shame there should be any such wicked parties as Federalists, or Huntonites, or Jacksonites, to try to tare the country to pieces and plague the republicans so.. This dont include President Jackson. He is n't a Jacksonite, you know; he 's a true republican as there is in Uowningville. I had a talk with the Boston Patriot man first. He said he would give me a recommendation with a good deal of pleasure; and when I got my office at Washington I must stick to the good old republican cause like wax; and if all true republicans were only faithful to the country, Henry Clay, the republican can- didate, will come in all hollow. He'll be next President, says he, jest as sure as your name is Jack Downing. Then I went to see the editor of the Boston Gazette. He said he certainly should be very happy to give me a recommendation; and he trusted when I got to Washington where I should have considerable influence, I should look well to the inter- ests of the republican party. He said there was an immense sight of intrigue and underhand work going on by the enemies of the country to ruin Mr. Calhoun, the republican candidate for President. But he said they would'nt make out; Mr. Calhoun had found out their tricks, and the republicans of old Virginny and MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 6l South Carolina were all up in arms about it, and if we republicans of the northern states would only take hold and fight for the good cause, Mr. Calhoun would be elec- ted as true as the sun will rise to-morrow. The next I went to see was the editor of the Boston Statesman. He seemed to be a little shy of me at first, and was afraid I want a true republican; and wanted to know if I did n't run against Governor Smith last year down there in Maine. I told him I had seen Governor Smith a number of times in Portland, but I was sure I never run against him in my life, and did n't think I ever came within a rod of him. Well he wanted to know if I was n't a candidate for Governor in opposition to Mr. Smith. I told him no, I was a candidate on the same side. Was n't you, said he, looking mighty sharp at me, was r nt you one of the federal candidates for gov- ernor? My stars, uncle Joshua, I never felt my hair curl quicker than it did then. My hand kind of draw'd back and my fingers clinched as if I was jest agoing to up fist and knock him down To think that he should charge me with being a federal candidate it was too much for flesh and blood to bear. But I cooled down as quick as I could, for fear it might hurt me about getting my office. I told him I never was a federal can- didate, and there never was a drop of federal blood in me; and I would run from a federalist if I should meet one as quick as I would from poison. That's rigiit,says he, I like that, that's good stuff, and he catched hold of my hand and give it such a shake, I did n't know but he'd a pull'd it off". He said he would give me the best recommendation he could write, and when I got to Washington I must stick to the old Gineral like the tooth ach, for the fed- eralists were intriguing dreadfully to root him out of his office and upset the republican party. If the repub- licans could only be kept together, he said President Jackson, the republican candidate, could be elected as easy as a cat could lick her ear; but if we suffered our- selves to be divided it would be gone goose with us,and F 62 LETTERS OF the country would be ruined. So you must stick to the re-election of Gineral Jackson, said he, at all events; and then he kind of whispered in my ear, and says he, in case any thing should happen, ii Gineral Jackson should be sick or any thing, you must remember that Mr. Van Buren is the republican candidate. I told him lie never need to fear me; I should stick to the republican party thro' thick and thin. So I took my recommendation and trudged along. I havn't time to-day to tell you how I got along with the rest of the editors, and a thousand other things that I met with along by the way, and all the iine things in this great city, and so on. But I shall write to you again soon. Your loving neffu, JACK DOWNING. To Uncle JoshuaDowning, Doivningville, State of Maine. LETTER XXVJ. His visit to Major Noah, in Xew York, when he arriv- ed there. Washington City, May 30, 1831. To the Portland Courier, if it ever gets there, away down east in the State of Maine, to be sent to Uncle Joshua Downing 1 , up inDowningville, with care and speed. Dear Uncle Josh, — I've got here at last, to this great city where they make ofhees, and I'm determined not to leave it till I get one. It is n 't sich a great city after all as New York, though they do a great deal more business here than they do at New York. I dont mean vessel business and trade, for there's no end to that in New York, but in making offices and sich like; and thev say its the most profitable business in the country. If a man can get hold of a pn-ttj good office, he can MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 63 get rich enough by it in three or four years, and not have'to work very hard neither. I tell you what, uncle, if I make out to my mind here, I shall comeback again one of these days in a rather guess way than what 1 come on. I dont have to foot it again I'll warrant you, and guess poor cousin Sally wont have to set up all night to mend my coat and darn my stockings. You'll see me coming dressed up like a lawyer, with a fine car- riage and three or four hosses. And then them are chaps in Portland that used to laugh at me so about be- ing Governor, may sneeze at me if they dare to, and if they dont keep out of my way I'll ride right over 'em. 1 had a pretty tuft time coming on here. Its a long tire- some road through the Jarseys. I had to stop twice to get my shoes tapt, and once to get an old lady to sow up a rip in my coat while I chopped wood for her at the door to pay for it. But I shant mind all the hard work I've had of it, if I can make out to come home rich. I got a pretty good boost in Boston, as I writ you in my last, by the editors giving me recommendations. — But it was nothing at all hardly to what I got in New York, for they gave me a public dinner there. I cant think what's the matter that it hasn't been published yet. Major Noah promised me he'd have it all put into the New York Courier and Enquirer the very next day after I left New York, so that it should get to Wash- ington as soon as I did; and now I've been here about a week and it hasn't come yet. If it does'nt come soon, I shall write an account of the dinner myself, and send it home and get it put in the Portland Courier. It was a most capital dinner, uncle; I dont. know as I ever eat heartier in my life, for being pretty short of money I had pinched rather close a day or two, and to tell the truth I was as hungry as a bear. We had toasts and speeches and a great many good things. I dont mean sich toast as they put butter on to eat, but toast to drink. And they dont exactly drink 'em neither; but they drink the punch and speak the toasts. I cant think Major Noah meant to deceive me about 64 LETTERS OF publishing the proceedings of the dinner, for he ap- peared to be a very clever man, though he was the fun- niest chap that ever 1 see. There was n't a man in New York that befriended me more than he did; and he talked to me very candidly, and advised me all about how to get an office. In the first place, says he, Mr. Downing, you cant get any kind of an office at Wash- ington, unless you are a true blue ginuin democratic republican. I told him I had recommendations coming to prove that I was all that. They are very strict, says he, in regard to that at Washington. If James Madison should apply for an office at Washington, says he, he could n't get it. What, says I, him that was President! for it kind of startled me a little if such an old republican as he was could n't get an office. It's true, says he, if James Madison should apply for an of- fice he could n't get it. — Why not, says I? Because, says he, he has turned federalist. It's melancholy to think, says he, how many good old republicans at the south are turning federalists lately. He said he was afraid there was n't more than one true ginuin old democratic republican left in Virginny, and that was old Mr. Ritchie of the Richmond Enquirer; and even he seemed to be a little wavering since Mr. Calhoun and some others had gone over. Well there's Mr. Clay, says I, of Kentucky, I doat think he'll ever flinch from the republican cause. Hen- ry Clay, says he, turning up his nose, why he 's been a federalist this six years. No, no, Mr. Downing, if you think of going that gate, you may as well turn about and go home again before you go any further. What gate, says I ? Why to join the clay party, says he. I told him I never had sich a thought in my life ; I always be- longed to the republican party, and always ment to. He looked rather good natured again when he heard that; and says he, do you know what the true republi- can doctrine is ? I told him I had always had some kind of an idea of it, but 1 did n't know as I could ex- plain it exactly. Well, says he, I'll tell you; it is to MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 65 support General Jackson for re-election, through thick and thin. That is the only thing that will save the country from ruin. And if General Jackson should be unwell or any thing jest before election, so he could not be a candidate, the true republican doctrine is to sup- port Mr. Van Buren. I told him, very well, he might depend upon my sticking to the republican party, all weathers. Upon that he set down and wrote me a re- commendation to the President for an office, and it al- most made me blush to see what a master substantial ginuin republican he made me. I had a number more capital recommendations at New York, butlhavn't time to tell you about them in this letter. Some were to Mr. Clay, and some to Mr. Van Buren, and some to Mr. Calhoun. I took 'em all, for I thought it was kind of uncertain whose hands I might fall into hereafter, and it might be well enough to have two or three strings to my bow. I hav n't called on the President ye«% though I've been here about a week. My clothes had got so shabby, I thought I better hire out a few days and get slicked up a little. Three of the offices that I come after are gone «lick enough, and the other one's been given a way" to a Mr. White, but he would n't take it; so I 'm in hopes 1 shall be able to get it. And if I dont get that, there's some chance for me to get into be Vice President, for they had a great Jackson meeting here 'tother day, and they kicked Mr. Calhoun right out doors, and said they would n't have him for Vice President no longer. Now some say they think I shall get it, and some think Mr. Van Buren '11 get it. Howsomever, I feel pretty safe, for Maj. Noah told me if I could n't get any thing else, the President could easily make a foreign mission for me. I shall call on the good old Gineral in two or three days and find out what my luck is, and then I shall let you know. Give my love to ant and cousin Nabby, and all of 'em. It makes me feel kind of bad when I think how fur I've got from home. Your loving netfu, JACK DOWNING. 66 LETTERS OF LETTER XXVII. He arrives at Washington — strips up his sleeves — de- fends Mr. Ingham on the front steps of his door during the after-clap that followed the explosion of the Cubinit. Washington City, June 21, 1831. To the Portland Courier again away down there in the State ot Maine, to be 6ent to Uncle Joshua Downing-, up in Downingville, or close to Cousin Nabby, it is n't much matter which, being that some of it is about the ladies. Dear Uncle Josh. — It's pretty trying times here. They cany on so like the old smoker, I dont hardly know what to make of it. If I had n't said I would n't leave Washington till I got an oflice, I dont know but I should come back to Downingville and go to planting potatoes. Them are Huntonites and Jacksonites down there in Maine last winter were pretty clever sort of folks to what these chaps are here. Cause down there if they get ever so mad, they did n't do nothing but talk and jaw one another; but here if any body does n't do to suit 'm, fact they Ml up and shoot him in a minute. I did n't think getting an office was such dangerous kind of business, or I dont know as I should have tried it. Howsomever, it's neck or nothing with me now, and I must do something to try to get some money here, for I about as lieves die as to undertake to foot it away back again clear to the State of Maine. And as the folks have to go armed here, I want you to put my old fowling piece into the stage and send it on here as quick as possible. I hope you'll be as quick as you can about it. for if I get an office I shant dare to take it till I get my gun. They come pretty near having a shooting scrape here yesterday. The Telegraph paper said some- thing about Mr. Eaton ? s wife. It was nothing that I should think they need to make such a fuss about; it only said that some of the ladies here refused to visit MAJOR JACK DOWING. G7 her. But some how or other it made Mr. Eaton as mad as a March hair. He declared he'd fight somebody, lie did n't care who. The first man he happened to come at " r as Mr. Ing- ham. So he dared l\lr. Ingham out to fight. Not to box, as they do sometimes up in Downingville, but to stand and shoot at each other. But Mr. Ingham would n't touch to, and told him he was crazy. That made Mr. Eaton ten times more mad than he was be- fore; and he declared he'd Hog him any how, whether he was willing or not. So he got a gang of gentlemen yesterday to go with him to the Treasury office where Mr. Ingham does his writing, and waited there and in a grog shop close by as much as two hours for a chance to catch him and give it to him. Mr. Ingham was out a visiting in the city, and when he got home his folks told him what was going on, and begged him not to go to the office for he would certainly be killed. Poll, says he, do you think I'm afraid of them are blustering chaps? There's more smoke than fire there, I can tell ye; give me my pistols, it is time for me to go to the office. Some of the ladies cried, and' some almost fainted away. But he pacified 'em as well as he could, and then set out for the office, and three or four men went with him, and 1 guess they carried something un- der their arms that would make daylight shine through a feller pretty quick. And I guess the gang of gen- tlemen waiting for him begun to smell a rat, for they cleared out pretty soon and never touched him. But their courage came again in the evening, and this same gang of gentlemen turned out to Mr. Ingham's house, and threatened to burst the doors open and drag him out by the hair of the head and skin him alive. I thought this was carrying the joke rather too far, so I tho't I'd put in my oar; for when I see any body run too hard I cant help taking their part. So I stepped on to Mr. Ingham's front door steps, and threw my hat down, and rolled up my sleeves, and spit on my hands; and by that time the chaps began to 68 LETTERS OF stare at me a little. And now, says I, Major Eaton, this is quite too bad. A man's house is his castle. Here's Mr. Ingham in his house as peaceable as a lamb; he isn't a meddling with nobody, and you need n't think to drag him out here to-night, I can tell ye. If you really want to take a bit of a box, just throw away your powder and ball, and here's the boy for you. I'll take a fist or two with you and glad of the chance. You impudent scoundrel, says he, who are you? what business is it to you what I done? Clear out, or I'll send you where you ought to be long ago. Well, then, you'll send me into some good office, says I, for there's where I ought to have been more than two years ago. Well, says he, clear out, and up he come blustering along towards the steps. But I jest put my foot down, and doubled my fist, and now, says I, Major Eaton, it wont be healthy for you to come on to these steps to- night. Says he, I'm going through that door whether or no. Says I, you dont go through this door to-night, without you pass over the dead body of Jack Downing of the State of Mairfe My stare when they heard that, they dropt their heads as quick as though they had been cut oft', for they did n't know who 1 was before. Major Eaton and the whole gang of gentlemen with him turn- ed right about and marched away as still a pack of whipped puppies. They were afraid I should have 'em all up before the President to-day, and have 'em turned out of office; for it's got whispered round the city that the President sets a great deal by me, and that I have a good deal of influence with him. This morning Mr. Ingham started for Philadelphy. Before he left, he thanked me a thousand times for de- fending his house so well last night, and he wrote a let- ter to the President', telling him all about the scrape. I went a piece with him to see him safe out of the city on the great road towards Baltimore. About my prospects for an office, I cant tell you yet how I shall come out. I've been in to see the President MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 69 a number ot times, and he talks very favorable. I have some chance to get in to be Secretary of War, if old Judge White dont take it; and if I dont get that the President says he '11 do the best he can for me. I never had to be so strict a republican before in my life as I've had to be since I've been hete in order to get the right side of the President. I'll tell you some- thing about it in my next, and about my visits to the President, and agood many other famous things here. P. S. Be sure and send the old gun as soon as pos- sible. Your loving neftu, JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXVIII. Mr. Doivning made Captain in the United Sta'es army, with orders to go to Madaivaska, and protect the in- habitants. Washington City, the 20th day ot Oct. 1831. To the Portland Courier away down in the State of Maine, to be sent to Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville, this with care and speed, and dont let any body see it. Dk.au Uncle Josh, — I've got it at last as true as you're alive, and now I dont keer a snap for the fattest of 'em. I'll teach them are young chaps down to Port- land that used to poke fun at me so because I did n't get in to be Governor, that they must carry a better tongue in their heads, or they '11 find out who they are talking to. I guess they Ml find out by and by it wont be healthy for 'em to poke fun at an officer of my rank. And as for Jemime Parsons that married the school master winter before last, when she had promised as fair as could be that she would have me, she may go to grass for what I keer; I would n't have her now no more than I 'd have a Virginny nigger. And I guess 70 LETTERS OF when she comes to see me with my regimentals on she '11 feel sorry enough and wish her cake was dough again. Now she's tied down to that clod pole of a school master, that was n't fit for a schoolmaster neither, for he has had to go to hoeing potatoes for a living, and much as ever he can get potatoes enough to keep 'em from starving, when if she had only done as she had . promised, she might now be the wife of Captain Jack Downing of the United States Army. But let her go; as I said afore, I'dont care a snap for her or all old White's cattle. I'll tell you what 'tis uncle, I feel about right now. It seems to me I could foot it home in two days, for my feet never felt half so light before. There's nothing like trying, in this world, uncle; any body that tries can be something - or other, if he dontget discouraged too soon. "When I came on here, you know, I expected to get one of the great Secretaries' offices ; but the good old President told me they had got him into such a hobble about them are offices that he could n't give ine one of 'em if he was to die. But he treated me like a gentleman, and I shall always vote for him as long as I live, and I told him so. And when he found out that I was a true ginuin republican, says he, Mr. Downing, you must be patient, and I'll bear you in mind, and do something for you the very first chance. And you may depend upon it Mr. Downing, be added with a good deal of earnestness, I never desert my friends, let that lying Stephen Simpson of Philadelphy say what he will about it, a good for nothing ungrateful dog. And he fetched a stomp with his foot and his eyes kind of flashed so fiery, that I cou'd n't help starting back, for I did n't know but he was going to knock me over. But he look'd pleasant again in a minute, and took me my the hand, and now, says he, Mr. Downing, I give you my honour that I'll do something for you as soon as I possibly can. 1 told him I hoped he would be as spry as he could about it, fir I had but jest nine- pence left, and i did n't know how I should get along very well, in a strange place too. But he told me never MAJOK JACK DOWNING. 71 to mind that at all; I might come and eat my meals at his house whenever I'd a mind to, or he would be bonds- man for my board where I put up. So I've worked along from that time to this, nearly for months, as well as I could, sometimes getting a little job of garden-work, and sometimes getting a little wood to saw, and so on, nearly enough to pay my expenses. I used to call and see the President or.ce in a while, and he always told me I must be patient and keep up a good heart, the world was n't made in one day, and something would turn up for me by and by. But fact, after digging, and sawing, and waiting four months, my patience got most wore out, and I was jest upon the point of giving up the chase, and starting oft' for Downingville with the intention of retiring to* private life; when last night, about seven o'clock, as 1 sot eating a bowl of bread and milk for my supper, a boy knocked at the door and wanted to see Mr. Downing. So they brought him in- to the room where I was, and says he, Mr. Downing, the President wants to see you for something very par- ticular, right away this evening. My heart almost jump'd right up in my mouth. My spoon dropt out of my hand, and to eat another mouthful I could n't if I was to starve. I flew round, and washed my face and hands, and combed my head, and brushed up as well as I could, and should have looked tolerable spruce if it had n't been for an unlucky hole in the knee of my trowsers« What to do I did not know. It made me feel bad enough I can tell you. The woman where I boarded said she would mend them for me if 1 would take them off, but it would take her till about nine o'clock, and the President was waiting for me, and there 'twas. Such a hobble 1 never was in before. But this woman is a kind good creature as ever was; she boards me for four and sixpence a week, considering that I split wood for her, and bring water, and do all sich kind of chores. And she always had some con- trivance to get out of every difficulty; and so she hand- ed me a neat little pocket handkerchief and told me to 72 LETTERS OF tie that round my knee. Being thus rigged out at last, I started oft' as fast as I could go for the President's. When I went into his room, the old gentleman was setting by a table with his spectacles on, and two great lamps burning before him, and a bundle of letters and papers in his hand. He started up and took me by the hand, and says he, good evening Mr. Downing, I'm very glad to see you; you are the very man I want now, above all others in the world. But how is this, said he? looking at my knee. Not lame, I hope? That would be a most unfortunate thing in this critical moment. It would knock my plan in the head at once. I felt kind of blue, and I guess I blushed a little; but I turned it oft" as well as 1 could; I told him 1 was n't lame at all, it was nothing but a slight scratch, and by to-morrow morning I should be as well as ever i was in my life. Well then says he, Mr. Downing, set down here and see what I've got to tell you. The old gentleman set him- self back in his chair and pushed his spectacles up on his forehead and held up the letter in his hand, and says he, Mr. Downing, here is a letter from Governor Smith ot Maine, and now Sir, I've got something for you to do. You see now that I was sincere when I told you if you would be patient and stick to the republican text, I would look out for you one of these days. I'm al- ways true to my friends; that lying Stephen Simpson might have had an office before now if he had behaved himself. Well, dear sir, said I, for I felt in such a pucker to know what I was going to get that I could n't stand it any longer, so says I, what sort of business is it you 've got forme to do? Says he, Mr. Downing, I take it you are a man of courage; I have always thought so ever since you faced Mr. Eaton so boldly on Mr. Inghams' door steps. Tho' I was sorry your courage was not dis- played in a better cause, for that Ingham is a rascal after all. I told him as for courage I believed I had some of the stuff' about me when there was any occasion for it, and that I never would stand by and see any body MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 73 abused. Well, says he, we must come to the point, for the business requires haste. Governor Smith writes me that there are four of your fellow citizens of Maine in a British jail at Fredericton, who have been taken from their farms by British con- stables and sheriffs and other officers and carried otfby force to prison. By this time my very hair begun to curl, I felt so mad, and I could n't help jumping up and smiting my lists together, and saying pretty hard things about the British Well, says the President, I like your spunk Mr. Downing; you're jest the man 1 want in this business, I 'ingoing to give you a captain's commission in the United States' army, and you must go down there and set that business right at Madawaska. You must go to Maine and raise a company of volun- teers as quick as possible, tell 'em I 'll see 'em paid, and you must march down to Fredericton and demand the prisoners, and if they are not given up you must force the jail, and if the British make any resistance you must tire upon them and bring the prisoners oft' at some rate or other. Then write me and let me know how affairs stand, and I '11 give you further orders. At any rate you must see that the rights of Maine are well protected, for that state has come round so in my favor since last year I 'm determined to do every thing I can for them; I tell y<«u Mr. Downing, 1 never desert my friends. So alter he gave me the rest of my orders, and my commission, and a pocket full of money, and told me to be brave and if I wanted any thing to let him know, he bid me good night, and I went home. But I could n't sleep a wink all night. I was up before day light this morning, and I 'vegot two women to work for me to day fixing up my clothes, and I shall be ready to start to morrow morning. I want you to keep this mat- ter pretty still till I get there, except that you may let cousin Ephraim know it and get him to volunteer some of the Downingville boys for my company. I want to get them pretty much all there if I can, for I know what 74 LETTERS OF sort of stuff the Downingville boys are made of, and shall know what I 'vegot to depend upon. In haste, your loving neftu, CAPT. JACK DOWNING, LETTER XXIX. First military report of Capt. Downing to the president. Downingville, Nov. 8, 1831. To the Editor of the Portland Courier. My dear old Friend, you I got home to Down- ingville last night after an absence of nearly two years. I meant to stop at Portland as I come on from Wash- ington, but some how or other, I got into the wrong stage somewhere in New Hampshire, and come the up- per road before I knew it. So the first thing I knew, when I thought I had got almost to Portland, 1 found myself plump in Downingville. But the dear folks were all so glad to see me, I didn't feel much sorry. Cousin Nabby hopped right up and down, like a mouse treed in a flour barrel ; and Ephraim snapped his thumb and finger, and spit on his hands as though he had a cord of wood to chop; and poor ant Keziah set down and cried as much as two hours steady. Uncle Joshua catched down his pipe, and made the smoke roll out well ; I never saw him smoke so fast before in my life; he finished two pipes full of tobacco in less than five minutes. I felt almost like a fool myself, and had to keep winking and swallowing, or I should have cried as hard as any of 'em. But you know it wouldn't do for a captain to cry, especially when he was going to enlisting soldiers. Well, I must hurry along with my letter, fori have n't got much time to wwte to-day. I have been round MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 75 among the folks in Downingville this forenoon to see how they felt about the Madawaska business, and whe- ther any of 'em would go a sogering down there with me. I find some of 'em are right up about it, and ready to shoulder their guns and march to-morrow if [ say_ tbe word, and others are a little offish. I guess I shall get about half enough lor a company here pretty easy, and if I find it hard dragging to pick up the rest, I shall come right down to Portland to fill up my company there. For uncle Joshua tells me he has had some letters from Portland within a few days, and he says there are a number of chaps down there as warm as mustard about going to war down to Mada- svaska, and are only waiting for a good chance to list, and some of 'em he thinks will make capital sargents and corporals. I should be glad if you would send me word whether you think I could pick up some good lusty fellows therein case I should want 'em. I pay a month's wages cash down. But there is one subject that I feel rather uneasy about, and that is the greatest reason of my writing you to-day, to see if you can tell me any thing about it. Last night uncle Joshua and I sot up talking politicks pretty late, after all the rest of the folks had gone to bed. I told him all about one thing or another at Washington, and then we talked about the affairs of this State. I found uncle Joshua did't stand jest where he used to. You know once he was a little mite in fa\or of Mr. Hunton ; and then, when I was up for Governor, he was altogether in favour of me ; and then he was pretty near equally balanced between Mr. Smith and Mr. Goodenow ; but now, when I come to talk with him, I found he was all olump over on the democratic republican side. You know I've been leaning that way tu, ever since I got in to be good friends long with Presi- dent Jackson. So says I, Well, uncle, our party is strong enough now to carry all afore 'em in this State. I guess governor Smith will have more than three quar- ters of the votes next time, At which uncle turned 76 LETTERS OK round towards me, and rolled up his great eyes over his spectacles, and took his pipe out of his mouth and put on a mighty knowing look, and says he, Jack, jest between you and me, a much better man and a nvch greater re- publican than Gov. Smith, will be Governor of the Stale of Maine afte> another election. I was kind of struck with a dunderment I sot and looked at him as much as two minutes, and he all the time: looked as knowing as a fox. At last, says I, Uncle, what do you mean ? Did n't all the democratic republi- can papers in the State, when Gov. Smith was elected, say he was the very best republican there was in the State for Governor. Well, well, Jack, said he, mat k my words, that 's all. But, said I, uncle, what makes you think so ? O, said he, I have read the Argus and the Bangor Republican, and I have had a letter from a man that knows all about if, and when the time comes you '11 see. And that was all I could get out of him. Now I wish you would let me know what this mystery means. And I remain your old friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXX. The first military report of Capt. Downing to the President. Madawaska, Nov. 15, 1831. To his Excellency, Gineral Jackson, President of the United States, #-c. Mv good old Sib. — The prisoners are out and no blood spilt yet. I had prepared to give the British a most terrible battle, if they had n 't let ' em out. I guess I should made 'em think old Bonapart had got back among 'em again, for a keener set o fellows than my MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 77 company is made up of never shouldered a musket or trod shoe-leather. I was pesky sorry they let'em out quite as soon, for I really longed to have a brush with 'em ; and how they come to let 'em go I dont know, unless it was because they heard I was coming. And I expect that was the case, for the prisoners told me the British Misnister at Washington, sent on some kind of word to Governor Campbell, and I suppose he told him how I had got a commission, and was coming down upon New Brunswick likeahurrycane. If I could only got down there a little sooner and fite sich a great battle as you did at New Orleans, my for- tune would have been made for this world. I should have stood a good chance then to be President of the United States, one of these, days. And that's as high as ever I should want to get. I got home to Dowriing- ville in little more than a week after I left you at Wash- ington, for having a pretty good pocket full of money, and knowing that my business was very important, I rid in the stage most all the way. [ spose I need n't stop to tell you how tickled all my folks were to see me. 1 did n't know for awhile but they'd eat me up. But I spose that's neither here nor there in making military reports, so I'll go on. I found no dilliculty in getting volunteers. I believe I could have got nearly half the State of Maine to march if I had wanted 'em. But as I only had orders to list one good stout company, I took 'em all in Dtnvningville, for I rather trust myself with one hundred ginuin Downingville boys, than five hun- dred of your common run. I took the supernumerary however, when I got to Bangor. The editor of the Bangor Republican was so zea ous to go, and said he'd light so to the last drop of his blood, that I could n't help taking him, so I appointed him supernumerary coi -poi-al. Foui* 1 fellow, he was so disappointed when he found the prisoners were out that he fairly cried for vexation. He's for having me go right on now and give all New Brunswick a real thrashing. But [know what belongs to gineralship better than G 2 7& LETTERS OF that; I have n't had my orders yet. Well, after we left Bangor we had a dreadful rough and tumble sort of a journey, over rocks and mountains and rivers and swamps and bogs and meadows, and through long pieces of woods that I didn't know as we shoulu find the way out. But we got through at last, and arrived here at Madawaska day before yesterday. I thought I better come this way and make a little stop at Madawaska to see if the prisoners' wives and little ones were in want of any thing and then go down to Fredericton and blow the British ski high. When our company first came out in sight in Mada- waska, they thought it was the British coming to catch some more of 'em; and such a scattering and scamper- ing I guess you never see. The men flew into the woods like a ilock of sheep with forty dogs after 'em, and the women catched their babies up in their arms and run? from one house to another screeching and screaming enough to make the woods ring again. But when they found out we were United States troops come to help 'em, you never see any body so glad. — They all cried for joy then. The women run into the. woods and called to their husbands to come back again, for there was nobody there that would hurt them, and back they came and treated us with the best they had in (heir houses. And while we sot chatting, before the women hardly got their tears wiped up, one of 'em looked up towards the woods and screamed out there comes the prisoners. Some turned pale a little, think- ing it might be their ghost, but in a minute in they come, as good flesh and blood as any of us, and then the wo- men had another good crying spell. 1 asked one of the prisoners how they got away, for 1 thought you would want to know all about it; and says he we come away on our legs. Did you break out of jail, said 1? 1 guess there was no need of that, said he, for we want locked in halt the time. Dili you knock down the gu;ud, said I, and fight your way out? — Humph ! said he, I guess we might have hunted one MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 79 while before we could find a guard to knock- down. Nobody seemed to take any care of us, if we wanted a drop of grog, we had to go out and buy it ourselves. — Well but, said I, it you were left in such a loose stale as that, why did you not run away before? Tut, said he, shrugging up his shoulders, I guess we knew what we were about; the longer we staid there the more land the state of Maine would give us to pay us for being put in jail, but when they turned us out of jail, and would n't keep us any longer, we thought we might as well come home. And now, my good old sir, since matters are as they are, I shall take up my head quarters here at Madawaska for the present, and wait for further orders. I shall take good care of the people here, and keep every thing in good order, and not allow a single New Brunswicker to come anywhere within gun-shot. As for that Lef- tenant Governor, Mr. Archibald Campbell, he, better keep himself scarce ; if he shows his head here again, I shall jest put him into a meal bag and send him to Washington. I shall expect to hear from you soon, and as l shall have to be here sometime, I dont know but you had better send me on a little more money. My uni- form got rather shattered coming through the woods, and it will cost me something to get it fixt up again. This from your old friend and humble servant, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXXI. Tht Captain's second visit to the Maine Legislature, Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 4, 1832. To the Editor of the Portland Courier. My dear old Friend, — Here I am right among the Legidater folks, je^>t as I used to be down there to 80 LETTEKS OF Portland. I got here last night after a pretty hard jour- ney from Madawaska, rather lame, and my feet and ears froze pretty bad. I hope I shant lose any of 'm, for if I should lose my feet I should n't. stand much of a fag with the British down there to Fredericton in case we should have a brush with 'em. And all my hopes about ever being President of the United States de- pends on the woful whipping I'm going to give the Brit- ish. And I'm afraid 1 should n't be much better off if I should lose my ears, for a President without ears would cut rather a sorry figure there to Washington. I sent onto the old President to see if he would let me have a furlough to come up to Augusta, while the Le- gislates were here, for I thought I could n't stan it without being here to see how they get along. The President said he did n't think there would be any fighting down to Madawaska before the spring opens, so he diil n't care if" I went. I jest hobbled into the Legislater to-day to see 'cm chuse officers; but I have n't any time to tell you what a great fine house they 've got into. I believe it 's vastly better than the one they had to Portland though. And I guess there '11 be no stopping the wheels of government this year, for I be- lieve they have got the h'.use fixed so as to carry the wheels by steam. They got the steam up before I went in, and it was so thick sometimes, that I should think the wheels might go like a buzz. They told me there was a good many new members, and a good many more of 'em, than there was last year; so I did n't know as I should see hardly any body that I knew. But I never was more agreeably disappointed in my life than I was by the first voice I heard calling the members to order. I knew it as quick as I could tell the fife and drum of tny own company at Madawaska. And if I should hear the fife and drum this very minute it would n't give a pleasanter thrill to my feelings. 1 look'd round and sure enough there was the sanely honest look* and the large fleshy figure, of my old friend Mr. Knowlton MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 81 of Montville, hoklinga broad brimmed hat in his hand, and calling upon the great jam of folks to come to or- der. I could n't hardly help crowding right in among 'em to shake hands with him, I was so glad to see him. But as I was only a lobby member I tho't it would n't do. But I '11 tell you what 'it is, you may depend upon the business going off glibb here this winter; for hav- ing a building go by steam and Mr. Knowlton here to drive it, it ain't all the Jaeksonites and Huntonites in the state that can stop it. And besides I cant find out as yet that there is any more than one party here; it there should be hereafter, I '11 let you know. I was glad they chose Mr. White to be speaker, for he's al- ways so good natured and uses every body so well, I cant help liking him. I have n't been in the Sinnet yet, but they say Mr. Dunlap is President. I was in hopes to see Elder Hall here this winter, but I believe he has n't come. Your old Friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING, LETTER XXXII. The Legislative proceedings described. Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 19, 1832. To the Editor of the Portland Courier. Mr bear old Friend, — If I could n't write to you once in a while, I don't know but I should die. When any thing has kept me from writing two or three weeks, I get in such a taking it seems as though I should split, and the only way I can get relief is to take m7 pen and go at it. The reason why you have n't heard from me this fortnight past, is this dreadful furenza. WVve all 82 LETTERS OF got it here, and it's nothing but cough, cough, the whole time. If a member gets up to speak, they all cough at him. If he says any thing that they like, they cough at it; and if he says any thing that they dont like, they cough at it S<> let him say what he will they keep a steady stream of coughing. I've been amost sick for a week. Some days 1 want hardly able to set up. But I'm getting cleverly now, and I hope I shall be able to let you hear from me once or twice a week during the session. The wheels of government go pretty well this winter. Some say that some folks have tried to trig r em two or three times, but I dont hardly think that is the case, for they havn't been stopt once. And, as I said in my last letter, if my friend Mr. Knowlton stands as foreman, and keeps his broad shoulders to the wheels, I dont be- lieve they will stop this winter. By the way, I made a little small mistake about Mr. Knowlton's hat. I should n't have thought it worth while to mention it again, if the Augusta Courier of this morning had n't spoke of it as though I did n't mean to tell the truth. Now you know Mr. Editor, 1 wouldn't be guilty of telling a falsehood for my right hand. When Mr. Knowlton called the members to order the first day of the session, I certainly thought I saw him holding in his hand a broad brimmed white hat. It might be my imagination, remembering how he used to look, or it might possibly be the hat of the member standing by the side of him, for I was a good ways oft". I'm pesky Braid the general government may settle that hash down there to Madawaska as Mr. Nether- lands that they left out to, recommended. If they should I'm afraid my jig would be up about fighting a battle very soon, or getting in to be President. Our party's got into a dreadful kind of a stew here about who shall be next Senator to Congress and one thing or another. We've got into such a snarl about it, I'm afraid we never shall <>;et unravelled attain without cutting off" the tangles, and that would divide us so we MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 83 never could hold together in the world. 1 wrote to the Argus yesterday, to be sure not to reply to the Age for its ungentlemanly remarks about Judge Preble, and hope it will be prudent enough to follow my recommen- dation. We must try to hush these matters up, or it '11 be the death of the patty. I've had a serious talk with friend Ruggles, and am in hopes he'll put his hand over the Thomaston paper and not let it belch out any thing that our enemies can make a handle of. And I guess we shall have a caucus and try to put a cooler on the Bangor Republican and the Age. The Legislaters like Augusta considerable well, if it did n't cost 'em so much more than it did in Port- land for a living. Such as had to pay two dollars and a half in Portland for board have to pay three and four dollars here. When I was in Portland, I used to get boarded for seven and sixpence a week, and here the cheapest I could get boarded any where, was ten and sixpence. i he Augusta Courier last week said some- thing about the folks here giving me a public dinner. I should like it pretty well, for 1 have rather slim dinners where 1 board. If you 9ee cousin Sally, I wish you'd jest ask her if she has time before and after school, if she'll knit me a pair of footings and send 'em up by the stage-driver, for mine have got pretty full of holes, and 1 have n't any body here to mend 'em. Your old friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 84 LETTERS OF LETTER XXXIII. The captain suddenly called to his post at Madawaska. Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 23, 1832. To the Editor of the Portland Courier, again. Dear Friend, — The more I write to you, it seems to me the bettor I like you. I believe there is n't but one person that I set so much by, and that is Gineral Jackson, who was so kind as to give me a commission, and let me have spending money besides. I 'in pretty much out of money now, and the man that I board with keeps dunning me for pay ; so I wish you would be so kind as t - send me four or five dollars till I get some more from the President. I writ for it last week, and I think I shall get it in a few days. I told you in my last letter, if I got over the furenza, you should hear from me pretty often. I 'm getting nicely again now. I dont cough more than once in five minutes or so, and my toes and ears that were froze so bad com- ing up from Madawaska are nearly healed over. All 1 have to do to 'em now is jest to grease 'em a little when I go to bed at night and in the morning when 1 get up. I have to keep a handkerchief over my ears yet when I go out, but my toes are so well I dont limp hardly a mite. As to our legislater business we get along mid- dling well, but not quite so fast as I thought we should considerin it goes by steam. One reason I suppose is because Mr. Knoulton has been a good deal unwell and could n't take hold and drive it right in end as he used to. But he 's got better now, so 1 hope the wheels will begin to buzz again. About the quarrel that our party's got into, I 'm pesky fraid it '11 blow us up yet ; and I don't know what we shall do to stop it. We 've had a caucus as I told you we should in my last letter, and tried to hush matters up as well as we could. But some of 'em MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 85 are so grouty, I expect nothing but what they Ml belch out again. I was glad the Argus took my advice and kept back the reply to the Age. We nad a little bit of a tussle here to see who should be appointed agent to go to Washington to tell the pre- sident to hold on to the territory down to Madawaska. Mr. Preble and Mr. Deane and I were the three prin- cipal candidates. Some thought Mr. Preble ought to go because it would be for the interest of the republi- can party ; and some thought Mr. Deane ought to go be- cause he had been down there a good deal and knew all about the Madawaska country ; and some thought I ought to go because I had been down there the last of any body, and because I was such good friends with the President I should be likely to do better than any body else could. I thought my claims were the strongest, and the Governor said he thought so too. But he said as aftkirs now stood it would n't do to appoint any body but Mr. Preble. And besides I dont know as I ought to go off jest now, for I had a letter yesterday from one of my subalterns down to Madawaska, that there 's some trouble with my company there : some of the Sarjeants been breaking orders, &c.,and I dont know but I shall have to go down and Court Martial 'em. Your friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING H 86 LETTERS OF LETTER XXXIV. His return o Augusta — is saved from being frozen to death by a beards skin. Augusta, State of Maine, Feb. 8, 1832. To the Editor of the Portland Courier. Here I be again, my dear friend, right back on the old spot, poking about the Legislater to see what's going on, and to help take care the interests of our party. I got down there to Madawaska jest in the nick of time ; for I got a hoss and rid day and night ; and it was well I did, for Sargant Joel had got so out- rageous mad, 1 raly believe it I had n't got there the day I did, he would have strung one' or two of 'em right up by the neck. But I quashed matters at once and sot 'em to studyin that are little court martial book, and told 'em when they had any more fuss, they must try all their cases by that, and they would n't find any law for hanging in it. It's dreadful cold down thereto Madawaska,I froze my toes and ears agin, a little, but not so bad as I did afore, for I took care to top up in a great bear skin. I see the Legislater's been disputing about passing a law to kill off all the bears and wolves and sich kind of critters. I dont know whether that's a good plan or not.— There's a good deal might be said on both sides. — Them are bears are pesky mischievous. I heard a story while I was gone, but I dont know how true it is, how a great bear chased the Councillor that the Gover- nor sent down to Frcderickton, to carry provisions to our prisoners in jail there. Some reckoned the bear smelt the bread and cheese that he had in his saddle bags, and so took after him to get some of it. Hower- er, the Councillor got back safe. But I think this is MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 8, a great argument in favour of killing off ail (lie bears. And on the other hand, I believe the bear !-.kin was all that kept me from freezing to death going to Madawas- ka t'other day. So it seems we ought not to kill 'em quite all oft', but raise enough to keep us in bear skins; for I suppose my life would be worth as much to the State as the Councillor's. I feel a little put out with Dr. Burnham for an un- handsome running he gave me t'other day in the Sen- ate. He called me an 'old rogue.' I cant swallow that very well ; for that's a character I never bore in Down- ingville, nor Washington nor any where else. He was disputing about paying Mr. Deane and Mr. Cawano for going to Madawaska. He said they had n't ought to pay so much, for if they went on at this rate, next thing that old rogue, Capt. Jack Downing, would be sending in his bill. But he need n't trouble himself about that, -for as long as I have President Jackson to look to for pay- master, I dont care a snap about sending in my bills to to Legislater. But as for being called an old rogue, I wont. I dont mean to make a great fuss about it in the papers, as the Argus, and the Age did, so as to break up the harmony of the republican party. But if Dr. Burn- ham dont give me satisfaction, I'll call a caucus of the party and have him over the coals and du him over. Your loving friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. 88 LETTERS OF TETTER XXXV. Tne Captain describes the manner in which the, Legis- lature makes Lawyers. Augusta, State of Maine, March 1st, 1 832. 7 1> the Editor of the Portland Courier. My Dear Old Friend, — 1 begin to feel as uneasy as a fish out of water, because I huvn't writ to you for most two weeks. Now, old March lias come, and found us digging here yet; and sometimes I'm most afraid we shall be found digging here, when we ought to be at home digging potatoes, or planting of 'em at least. I've been waiting now above a week for the Legislater to do something, that I could write to you about; but they dont seem to get along very smart late- ly. Sometimes the wheels almost stop; and then they start and rumble along a little ways, and then drag again. I dont think we shall get through before some- time next week, if we do before week arter. These secret sessions take up a good deal of time. I dont see what in natur they have so many of 'em for. 1 tried to get into some of 'em, but they wouldn't let me; they said lobby members had no business there, and shut the door right in my face. There's one kind of busi- ness though that they carry on here pretty bri»k lately, and that is making lawyers. Some days they make 'em almost as fast as uncle Ephraim used to make sap- trau»hs; and I've known him to chop oft* and hew out two in fifteen minutes. But for all the Legislater can make "em so fast, it is as much as evr they can get along with all that come and want to be made over into lawyers. And 'tother day, when the law committee got pretty well stuck, having so many of 'em on hand, a new batch come. up, and Mr. Hall of your town moved to refer them to the committee on manufactures. This is a capital com- mittee to make things, and I havn't heard any com- MAJOR JACK DOWNING 89 plaint since, but what they can turn 'em out as fast as they come. It rather puzzled ine at first to know what made every body want to be worked over into lawyers; so I asked one of 'em that stood waiting round here a day or two, to be put into the hopper and ground over, what he wanted to be made into a lawyer for,? And he kind of looked up one side at me, and give me a know- ing wink, and says he, don't you know that the law vers get all the fat things of the land, and eat out the insides of the oisters, and give the shels to other folks? And if a man wants to have any kind of an office, he can't get it unless he's a lawyer; if lie wants to go to the Legislater, he can't be elected without he's a law- yer: and if he wants to get to Congress, he cant go without he's a lawyer; and any man that don't get made into a lawyer as fast as possible, I say, is a fool. The whole truth come across my mind then, as quick as a look, why it was that I spent two or three years try- ing to get an office, and couldn't get one. It was be- cause I wasn't a lawyer. And dont believe I should have got an office to this day, if my good friend Presi- dent Jackson hadn't found out I was a brave two fisted chap, and just the boy to go down to Madawaska and flog the British. We've agreed unanimously to support Governor Smith for re-election; and he'll come in all hollow, 1 -t the Jacksonites and Huntonites say what they will about it Our party know too well which side their bread is buttered, to think of being split up this heat. I should write you more to day, but I feel so kind of agitated about these secret sessions, that I cant hardly hold my pen still. I'm a little afraid they are intrigu- ing to send on to the President to take my commis- sion away from me. It has been thrown outto me that I ought to be down to Madawaska, instead of being here all winter. Some have hinted to me that Mr. Clifford has taken a mift' against me, because the other day when he was chosen Speaker pro. tern, one of my friends voted for me ; and he thinks I was a rival can- H2 90 LETTERS OF , didate, and means to have me turned out of office if he can. 1 am your loving friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXXVI. The Major's troubles on learning that the Legisla- tures' 1 resolution to sell Madawaska to the general go- vernment, to be bargained to the Briish, calculates by figures its price — the rage of his men on learning that they would have no fighting before -parting with ■ it. Madawaska, State of Maine, or else Great Britain, I dont know which, March 12, 1832. To the Editor of the Portland Courier — this with cart and speed. My dear old friend, — I cleared out from Augusta in such a kind of a whirlwind, that I had n't time to write you a single word before I left. And I feel so kind of crazy now, I dont know hardly which end I stand upon. I've had a good many head-flaws and woniments in my life time, and been in a great many hobbles, but I never, in all my born days,met with any thing that puzzled me quite so bad as this ere selling out down here. I fite in the 1 egislater as long as fight- ing would do any good, that is, I mean in the caucus, for they would n't let me go right into the Legislater in the day time and talk to 'em there, because 1 was only a lobby member. But jest let them know it, lobby members can do as much as any on 'em on sich busi- ness as this. I laid it down to 'em in the caucus as well as I could. I asked 'ein if they did n't think I should look like a pretty fool, after marching my compa- MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 91 ny down there, and standing ready all winter to flog the whole British nation the moment any on 'em set a foot on to our land, if I should now have to march back again ami give up the land, and all, without flogging a single son-of-a-gun of 'em. But they said it was no use, it could n't be helped, Mr. Netherlands had given away the land to the British, and the President had agreed to do jest as Mr. Netherlands said about it, and all we could do now was to get as much pay for it as we could. So 1 set down and figured it up a little to see how much it would come to, for I used to cypher to the rule of three when I went to school, and I found it wmild come to a pretty round sum. There was, in the first place, about two millions of acres of land. This, con- siderin the timber there was on it, would certainly be worth a dollar an acre, and that would be two millions of dollars. Then there was two or three thousand in- habitants, say twenty -five hundred j we must be paid for them too, and how much are they worth ? I've read in the newspapers that black slaves at the south, sell for three or four hundred dollars apiece. I should think, then, that white ones, ought to fetch eight hun- dred. This, according to the rule of three, would be two hundred thousand dollars. Then, there's the pret- ty little town of Madawaska that our Legislater made last winter, already cut and dried with town officers all chosen, and every thing ready for the British to use without any more trouble. We ought to have pay for this too, and I should think it was worth ten thousand dollars. And then the town of Madawaska has chosen Mr. Lizote to be a representative in the Legislater, and as the British can take him right into the Parliament without choosing him over again, they ought to pay us for that too. Now I have read in the newspapers thaf it sometimes costs, in England, two hundred thousand dollars to choose a representative to Parliament, reck- oning all the grog they drink and all the money they 92 LETTERS OF pay tor votes. But I wouldn't be screwing about it, so I put Mr. Lizote down at one hundred thousand dol- lars. And then I footed up, and found it to be, — For land, including timber, two millions of dollars, $2,000,000 For inhabitants, including women and chil- dren, two hundred thousand dollars, 200,000 For town of Madawaska, officers and all, ten thousand dollars, 10,000 For Mr. Lizote, all ready to go to Parlia- ment, one hundred thousand dollars, 100,000 Total, $2,S10j000 This was a pretty round sum, and I begun to think, come to divide it out, it would be a slice a-piece worth having; especially if we did't give the Feds any of it, and I supposed we shouldn't as there wasn't any of 'em there in the caucus to help to see about it. ' In this view of the subject,' I almost made up my mind that we ought to be patriotic enough to give it up, and help the general government out of the hobble they had got into. And I was jest agoing to get up and make a speech and tell 'em so, when Mr. McCrate of Nobleborough, and Capt. Smith of Westbrook, two of the best fellers in our party, came along and see what I was figuring about, and, says they, Capt. Downing, are you going tc sell your country? In a minute I felt something rise up in my throat, that felt as big as an ox -yoke. As soon as I got so I could speak, says I. No, never, while my name is Jack Downing, or my old ride can carry a bullet. They declared too, that they wouldn't sell out to the general government, nor the British, nor nobody else. And we stuck it out most of the evening, till we found out how it was going, and then we cleared out, and as soon as the matter was fairly settled, I started off for Madawaska; for I was afraid if my company should hear of it before I got there, it would make a blow up among 'em, and 1 should have to court-martial 'em. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. When I first told 'em how the jig was up with us, that the British were going to have the land, without any fighting about it, I never see fellows so mad before in my life, unless it was Major Raton at Washington when he sot out to flog Mr. Ingham. They said if they could only have had one good battle, they wouldn't eare a snap about it, but to be played tom-fool with in this way they wouldn't bear it. They were so mad, they hopped right up and down, and declared they never would go back till they had been over to Fred- ericton and pulled the jail down, or thrashed some of the New Brunswick boys. But, after a while, I paci- fied 'em by telling 'cm if we didn't get a chance to fight here, I rather thought we might awav oft' to Geor- gia, for there was something of a bobbery kicking up, and if the President should want troops to go on there, I was very sure my company would be.one of the first he would send for. So here we are, lying upon our arms, not knowing what to do. I have written to the President, and hope to hear from him soon. If the land is to go, I want to know it in season to get off before it's all over 5 for I'll be hanged if ever I'll belong to the British. Your distrest friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXXVII. The office of Mayor of Portland offered to Capt. Down- ing and declined. Portland, State of Maine, April fO, 1832. To the citizens of Portland. When I arrived in this city, last night, from Mada- waska,jest after the hubbub was over about the election. 94 LETTERS OF I was informed some of my friends in Ward No. 7, had voted for me for Mayor. I believe the votes are put in the papers long with the scattering votes, as I see they dont publish my name. Now the upshot ont is, I cant take that are office, I've got so much other business to attend to. And so I take this opportunity to declare that 1 absolutely decline being a candidate. I have a great regard for the citizens of Portland, for it was they that first gave me a boost up towards an office, and I should be very glad to do any tiling for 'em that I could; but I must beg to be excused from being Mayor this year. I am with respect, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXXVIII. The Captain's account of a confidential conversation with President Jackson, while travelling to Tennessee. Washington City, October 20, 1832. To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the State of Maine : [0 dear, seems to me 1 never shall get there again. ] My dear old friend, — I have n't done any thing this three months that seemed so natural as to set down and write to you. To write the name of the Portland Courier raises my sperits right up. I makes me feel as if I was again talking with»you, and uncle Joshua, and cousin Epliraim, and cousin Nabby, and ant Sally, and all of 'em. I and President Jackson got back here yes- terday from Tennessee, where we've been gone most all summer. And a long journey we've had ot it too. I MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 95 thought that from here to Portland was a dreadful ways, but it's a great deal further to Tennessee. I did n't think before that our country was half so large as I find it is. It seems as if there was no end to it; for when we got clear to Tennessee the President said we want half way acrostit. I could n't hardly believe him, but he stood tu it we want. Why, says he, Jack, I've got the largest country in the world, and the hardest to gov- ern tu. Say what you will of free governments, where folks will act pretty much as they are a mind to, it's the hardest work to administer it that ever I did. I had rather fight forty New ^Orleans battles than to govern this everlasting great country one year. There are so many, you see, want to have a finger in the pye, it's the most difficult business you can imagine. You thought you had a tough lime of it, Jack, to take care of them are small matters down to Madawaska last winter, with your brave company of Downingville boys. But that's no more than a drop in the bucket to being President one month. I tell you, Jack, there is n't a monarch in Europe who has so hard a time of it as I have. There are so many cooks, the broth most always comes out rather bad. If I have to write a message, one must put in a sentence, and another a sentence, and another, till it gets so at last I can't hardly tell whether I've written any of it myself or not. And sometimes I have a good mind to throw it all in the fire and say nothing at all. But then again that wont do, for since I 've undertaken to be President, I must go through with it. And then there was such a pulling and hauling for offices along in the outset, it seemed as though they would pull me to pieces. If I gave an office to one, Mr. Ingham or Mr. Branch would be mad, and if I gave it to another Mr. Van Buren would n't like it, and if I gave it to another, perhaps Mrs. Eaton would make a plaguy fuss about it. One wanted me to do this thing and another wanted me to do that: and it was nothing but quarrel the whole time. At last Mr. Van Buren said he'd resign, if I would turn the rest out. So I made a scattering 96 LETTERS^ OF among 'em and turned 'em all out in a heap. All but Mr. Lewis and Mr. Kendall who staid to give me their friendly advice and help me through my trying difficulties. And then again to be so slandered as I have been in the papers, it is enough to wear the patience of Job out. And it I got a little angry at the contrariness of the Senate, they must needs call me a 'roaring lion,' the rascals. But that Senate did use me shamefully. The very best nominations 1 made, they always rejected. To think the stupid heads should reject Mr. Van Buren, de- cidedly the greatest man in the country, it was too pro- voking. Yes, Mr. Van Bureu is the first man in this country, and jest betw en you and me, Jack, he's the only man in it that is well qualified to succeed me in the government of this great nation of t\\ enty-four republics. And he must come in too, or the country wont be worth a stiver, much longer. There's Clay, he would make pretty work of it, if he should come in. Why, Jack, he would gamble one half of the country away in two years, and spend the other half in digging Canals and building rail-roads; and when the funds in the Treas- ury failed he would go to the United States Bank and get more. Calhoun would break the Union to pieces in three months if he was President. He's trying all he can now to tear oft' something of a slice from it at the south. And as for Wirt, he's a fiddling away with the Anti- masons. Letting Anti-masonry alone, he'sa^retty good sort of a man; but he has n't energy enough to steer our crazy ship of state in these stormy times. 1 would sooner trust it iti the hands of Mrs. Eaton than him. There's no one fit for it but Mr. Van Buren; and if it was not for getting him in 1 would n't have consented to stand for another term. But, my dear friend, by stopping to tell you some of the conversation I and the President had along the road, 1 have almost forgot to tell you any thing about myself and the thousand things I met with on iny journey. But MAJOR JACK DOWVING. 97 1 can't write any more to-day. I expect to start from here on Monday on my way to Portland. You may hear from me a few times before I get there, as I shall stop along by the way some to see how matters go in Penn- sylvany and New York. If you have a chance, send my love to all my folks up at Downingville, and tell 'em old Jack is alive and hearty. I remain your loving friend, CAPT. JACK DOWNING. LETTER XXXIX. The Captain's account of his having run express from Baltimore to Washington, with news from Pennsylvania, His interruptions by Gales and Buff Green, and Ms reception of and protection by the Presiderd. Washington City, Nov. 5, 1832. To the editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church building, 2d story, eastern side, Fore Street, Portland, away down east, in the State of Maine. My dear old Friend. — Here I am back again to Washington, though I've been as far as Baltimore on my way down east to see you and the rest of my uncles and aunts and couzins. And what do you think I posted back to Washington for? I can tell you. When I got to Baltimore I met an express coming on full chisel from Philadelphy, to carry the news to Wash- ington that Pennsylvania had gone all hollow for old Hickory's second election. The poor fellow that was carrying it had got out of breath, that he declared he couldn't go no further if the Presidient never heard of it. I 98 LETTERS OF Well, thinks I, it will be worth a journey back to Washington, jest to see the old gineral's eyes strike fire when he hears of it. So says I, I'll take it and carry it on for you if you are a mind to. He kind of hesitated at first, and was afraid I might play a trick upon him? but when he found out my name was,-Jack Downing, he jumped oft* his horse quick enough; I'll trust it with you, says he, as quick as 1 would with the President himself. So 1 jumped on and whipped up. And sure enough, as true as you are alive, I did get to Washington before dark, though I had but three hours to go it in, and its nearly forty miles. It was the smartest horse that ever 1 backed, except one that be- longs to the President. But, poor fellow, he's so done tu 1 guess he'll never run another express. Jest before I got to Washington, say about two miles from the city, the poor fellow keeled up and could n't go another step. I had lost my hat on the way anri was too much in a hurry to pick it up, and he had thrown me off' twice and torn my coat pre ty bad, so that I did n't look very trig to go through the city or to the Presi- dent's house. But notwithstanding, 1 knew the Pres- ident would overlook it, consideiin the business 1 was coming upon , so I catched the express and pulled foot, right through Pennsylvania Avenue, without any hat, and torn coat sleeves and coat tail flying. The stage offered to carry me, but I thought I wouldn't stop for it. Almost the first person I met was Mr. Duff Green. Says he, Capt. Downing, what's the matter? I held up the express and shook it at him, but never ansv\ered him a word, and pulled on. He turned and walked as fast as he could without running, and followed me. Pretty soon 1 met Mr. Gales of the Intelligence., and •ays he, for mercy sake, Captain Downing, what's the matter? Have you been chased b\ a wolf, or Governor Houston, or have you got news from Pennsylvania? — 1 did n't turn to the right nor left, but shook the ex- press at him and run like wild-fire. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 99 When I came up to the President's house, the old gentleman was standing in the door. He stepped quick- er than I ever see him before, and met me at the gate. Says he, my dear friend Downing, what's the matter ? Has the United States Bank been trying to bribe you, a^id you are trying to run away from 'em? They may buy over Webster and Clay and such trash, but 1 knew if they touched you they would get the wrong pig by the ear. As he said this, Duff' Green hove in sight, puffing and blowing, full speed. Oh, said the President, Duff* Green wants to have a lick at you, does lie? . Well dont retreat another step, Mr. Downing, I'll stand between you and harm. Upon that he called his boy and told him to bring his pistols in a moment. By this time I made out to get breath enough jest to say Pennsylvany, and to shake the ex- press at him. The old man's colour changed in a min- ute. Says he, come in, Mr. Downing, come in, set down, dont say a word to Duff'. So in we went, and shut the door. Now, says the President, looking as though he would rout a regiment in five minutes, now speak and let me know whether I am a dead man or alive. Gineral, says I, its all over with 1 wont hear a word of it, says he, stomping his foot. His eyes flash- ed fire, so £hat I trembled and almost fell backwards. But I see he did n't understand me. Dear gineral, says I, its all over with Clay and the Bank — at that he clapt his hands and jumped up like a boy. I never see the President jump before, as much as I've been ac- quainted with him. In less than a minute he looked entirely like another man. His eyes were as calm and as bright as the moon jest coming out from behind a black thunder cloud. He clenched my hand and gave it such a shake, I did n*t know but he would pull it off. Says he, Jack, I knew Pennsylvany never would desert me, and if she has gone for me I'm safe. And now if I dont make them are Bank chaps hug it, my name is n't Andrew 100 LETTERS OF Jackson. And after all, Jack, I aint so glad on my own account, that I'm re-elected, as I am tor the coun- try and Mr. Van Buren's account; and we shall get him in now to be President after me. And you know, Jack, that he's the only man after me, that's fit to gov- ern tliis count ry. The President has made me promise to stop and spend the night with him, and help him rejoice over the victory. But I have n't time to write any more before the mail goes. Your loving friend, CAPT. JACK BOWING. LETTER XL. The captain commissioned as Major, ami appointed tv march against the nidUfiers. Washington City, Dec. 8, 1832. To the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church building, second story, eastern end, Fore Street, Portland, away down east, in the State of Maine. My df.ar. old Friend. — I believe the last time I wrote to ) r ou, was when I come back with the express from Baltimore, and Duft' Green chased me so through the street to find out what I was bringing, and the Pre- sident thought he was running to get a Hck at me, and called for his pistols to stand between me and harm, you know. Well, I intended to tur:* right about again after I hid made the old gentleman's heart jump up by telling him that he had got Pennsylvany and would be elected as sure as eggs was bacon, and make the best of my way towards Portland. For you cant think how I long to see you and uncle Joshua and ant Kesiah and cousin Ephraim and cousin Nabby and all the rest of MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 101 the dear souls up in Downingville. It seems as though it was six years instead of six months since I left that part of the country, and when I shall be able to get back again is more than I can te i now ; for I find when a man once gets into public life he never can say his time is his own ; he must always stand ready to go where his country calls. The long and the short of it is, the President has got so many other fish for me to fry, it's no use for me to think of going home yet. That evening after I got back with the express, the pre- sident said we must honor this victory in Pennsylvany with a glass of wine. I am sure, said he, Capt. Down- ing, you will have no objection to take a glass with me on this joyful occasion. I told him, as for that matter, I supposed I cftuld take a glass of wine upon a pinch, even if the occasion was not half so joyful. So he had two or three bottles full brought in, and filled up the glasses. And now, says the president, I will give you a toast. The state of Pennsylvania, the most patriotic state in the Union 5 for though I go against all her great public interests, still she votes for me by an over- whelming majority- He then called for my toast. And what could I give but my near native Downingville ; the most gi- nuin unwavering democratic republican town in New England. Good, said the president ; and that Do\y$ffligville has never been rewarded yet. You shall have a post office established there, and name t > me which of your friends you would like should be post-master, and he shall be appointed, f The president then gave his second toast ; Martin Van Buren, the next president of the United St tes, and the only man in the country that is fit for it. Capt. Downing, your toast if you please. So I gave Uncle Josiiua Downing, the most thorough going republican in Downingville. Good, said the president, I understand you, Captain Downing ; your uncle Joshua shall have the post office. 2 1 102 LETTERS OF His third toast was the editor of the Washington G.obe ; and mine was the editor of the Portland Courier. But I told him he mustn't ask me for any more toasts, for that was as fur as I could go. The president toasted several more n't in the company; but Mr. Woodbury and Mr. Cass were in for it, fori could see them floundering about in the water now. Run, Vlajor,said the President run and give them a lift. Take Mr. Woodbury first,you know I can't spare hi in at any rate. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 129 So there was a parcel of us took hold and went to hauling of 'em out of the water like so many drownded rats. But we got 'em all out alive, except a few young things they called dandies; they looked so after they got wet all over that we could n't make out whether they were alive or dead. So we laid 'em up to dry and left 'em; and I went on to help the President review the troops on the battery, as they call it; and a grand place it is tu. I 've seen more fine shows here, it seems to me, than ever I see before in my life. Such a sight of folks, and fine ladies, and fine houses, and vessels, and steam- boats, and flags a flying, and cannons firing, and fire works a whisking about, I never see the beat of it. I did n't think there was so much fun in this world before, for all I've been about so much at Madawaska and among the nullifiers and all round. But I cant tell you much about it till we get there, for I cant find any time to write. I've only cheated a few minutes this evening while the President is gone into Mr. Niblo's garden. One of the master sights that I've seen yet was that baloon that went up this afternoon, carrying a ma^with it. Poor fellow, I dont much think he '11 ever get oack again, for he looked to me the last I see of him as though he would land in England, or the moon, or some other country. All these sights keep us back a little longer than we expected. I dont think now we shall be in Portland before the 28th or 29th of this month. So I thought I'd jest write you a line that you might be down there about that time. In haste your loving neffu, MAJOR JACK DOWNING 130 LETTERS OF LETTER L1I. Visit of Major Jack Downing and the President to Boston — the rascally conduct of the letter writer in his name for the newspapers. Boston, Tuesday, June £5, 1833. To the Editor of the Portland Courier. My Dear Old Friend, — I 'in keeping house with the President to-day, and bein lie's getting considerable better, I thought I'd catch a chance when he was taking a knap, and write a little to let you know how we get along. This ere sickness* of the President has been a bad pull-back to us. He hasn't been able to go out since Sunday afternoon, and I've been watchin with him this two nights, and if I wasn't as tough as a halter, I should be half dead by this time. And if the President want tougher than a catamount, he'd kick the bucket before he'd been round to see one half the notions there is in Boston. Poor man, he has a hard time of it; you've no idea how much he has to go through. Its worse than being dragged through forty knot holes. To be bamboozled about from four o'clock in the morning till midnight, rain or shine, jammed into one great house to eat a breakfast, and into another great house to eat a dinner, and into another to eat supper, and into two or three others between meals, to eat cool- iations, and to have to go out and review three or four rigimentsof troops, and then to be jammed into Funnel Hall two hours, and shake hands with three or four thousand folks, and then to go into the State House and stand there two or thee hours and see all Boston stream- ing through it like a river through a sawmill, and then * The President was a few days 6ick while in Boston. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 131 to ride about the city awhile in a fine painted covered waggon with four or five horses to draw it, and then ride awhile in one without any cover to it, finney-fined off to the top notch, and then get on to the horses and ride awhile a hor-eback, and then run into a great picture room and see more fine pictures than you could shake a stick at in a week, and then go into some grand gentle- man's house, and shake hands a half an hour with a flock of ladies, and then after supper go and have a lit- tle still kind of a hubbub all alone with three or four hundred particular friends, and talk an hour or two, and take another cooliation, and then go home, and about midnight get ready to go to bed, and up again at four o'clock the next morning and at it. — If this aint enough to tucker a feller out I dont know what is. The Presi- dent wouldn't have stood it till this time if he hadn't sent me and Mr. Van Buren and the rest of us to some of the parties, while he staid at home to rest. The President's got so much better I think we shall be able to start for Salem to-morrow, for we must go through with it now we've begun, as hard Avork as 'tis. I think we shall get to Portland about the 4th of July; so if you get your guns and things all ready you can kill two birds with one stone. I hope you'll be pretty careful there how you point your guns. They pointed 'em so careless at New York that one of the wads come within six inches of making daylight shine through the President. Now I think ont, there is the most rascally set of fel- lers skulking about somewhere in this part of the coun- try that ever I heard of, aad I wish you would blow 'em up. They are worse than the pick-pockets. I mean them are fellers that's got to writing letters and putting my name to 'em, and sending of 'em to the printers. And I heard there was one sassy feller last Saturday down to Newburyport that 5 ot on to a horse and rid about town calling himsdt Major Jack Downing, and all the soldiers and the folks marched up and and shook hands with him, and thought it was me. — Now, my 132 LETTERS OF dear old friend, isn't this too bad? What would you do if vou was in ray case? I say again they are worse than the pick-pockets. Isn't it Mr. Shakespear that says something about 'he that steals my munny-pus steals trash, but he that steals my name ought to have his head broke?' I wish you would find that story and print it There, the President's jest waked up, so I must sub- scribe myself, in haste, Your friend, MAJOR JACK DOWNING. LETTER LIII. The President orders to the right about face, at Con- cord, when they beat a march, quick time, back to Washington. Concord, Nu Hamsheer, June 30, 1833. To the Editor of the Portland Courier. My Dear old Friend, — The jig is all up about our going to Portland and Downingville. I've bat- tled the watch with the President this two days about it, and told him he must go there if he had the breath of life in him j and he kept telling me he cer- tainly would if hoses could carry him there. But the President is n't very well, and that aint the worst of it ; there 's been a little difficulty bruin among us, and the President's got so riled about it, that he's finally concluded to start on his way back to-morrow. I cant help it; but I feel bad enough about it. If I wasn't a military man I could cry a barrel of tears. I dont know how they will stan it in Downingville when they come to "get the news. I'm afraid there will be a master uproar there, for you know they are all full-blooded democrats. But the stage is jest agoing to start, and I've only time to write you this line, in haste from your friend MAJOR JACK DOWNING. M 134 LETTERS OF LETTER LIV. Major Downings nomination for the Presidency^ with an elegant picture of his residence. NOMINATION FOR THE PRESIDENCY. From the National Intelligencer. We do not know whether it be necessary, in copy- ing the subjoined effusion, to enter into a protest against misinterpretation of our motives. We should be sorrv to be understood, whilst humouring a jest, as meaning to burlesque so serious an action as the choice of Presi- dent of the United States. We copy the following for the sake of its moral, as well as its wit, and we do not like the mor:il the less for being taught with a smiling countenance. From the Mauch Chunk Courier. Our next President Many of the papers in the United States have ahead ^ manifested a disposition to agitate the subject of tin- next Presidency, and several distinguished individu- als have been informally named for that office, among whom are Mr. Van Buren, Mr. M'Lean, Mr. Cass, Mr. Clay and Mr. Webster. As we are opposed to a premature discussion of this ticklish question, we have not hitherto committed oursclf in favour of either of these individuals. Indeed, we have considered it very imprudent in these times, for any one who wishes to be an orthodox politician, to " come out" for any- body until he can ascertain who will be most likely to succeed. Accordingly we have stood upon our » re- served rights" of neutrality, to watch the signs of the times, and see who would probably be the most popular candidate. Recent indications have satisfactorily con- vinced us on that point, and as we wish to be considered among the ; ' originals" — the real Simon Purts, we would lose no time in nominating MAJOR. JACK DOWNING. 135 For President, MAJOR JACK DOWNING, Of Downingville. In recommending this distinguished personage to out- fellow citizens, it will be scarcely necessary to enu- merate his various claims to their suffrages. Suffice it to say, his military renown, his valuable public ser- vices in assisting President Jackson to put down the Nullifiers, especially in shaking hands with the Yan- kees " down east," and last though not least, the fidel- ity with which he and his uncle Joshua stuck to the Old Hero after he found he was going to be President, eminently qualify him for that exalted station. LETTER LV. The Major tells us about the President, being made Doctor of Laws. On board the Steam-boat, going from Providence to York, July 2, 1833. To my old friend, the EJitor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church building, second story, eastern end, Fore Street, away down east, in the state of Maine. My Dear Friend. — We are driving back again full chisel, as fast as we come on when we were on the Rail Road between Washington and Baltimore And we've been drivin so fast on a round turn in all the places where we 've been, and have had so much shak- ing hands and eating and one thing another to do, that I could 'nt get time to write to you at half the places where I wanted to, so I thought I'd set down now, while the President's laid down to rest him awhile, and tell you something about Cambridge and Lowell. Ye see when we were at Boston they sent word to us 1j6 • LETTERS OF to come out to Cambridge, for they wanted to make the President a Doctor of Laws. What upon arth a Doctor of Laws was, or why they wanted to make the President one, I could n't think. So when we come to go up to bed 1 asked the Gineral about it, And feays 1, Gineral, what is it the}' want to do to you out to Cam- bridge? »ays he they want to make a Doctor of Laws of me. Well, says I, but what good will that do? Why, says he, you know Majm- Downing, there's a per>ky many of them are laws passed by Congress, that are rickety things. Some of 'em have very poor con- stitutions, and some- of 'em have n't no constitutions at all. So that it is necessary to have somebody there to Doctor 'em up a little, and not let'em go out into the world where they would stan a chance to catch cold and be sick, without they had good constitutions to bear it. You know, says he, I have had to doctor the Laws considerable ever since I've been at Washington, al- though 1 was n't a regular bred Doctor. And I made out so well about it, that these Cambridge folks think I had better be mad into a regular Doctor at once, and then there '11 be no grumbling and disputing about my practice. Says he, Major, what do you think of it? I told him 1 thought it was an excellent plan; and asked him if he did n't think they would be willing, bein I'd been round in the military business considera- ble for a year or two past, to make me a Doctor of War. He said he did n't know, but he thought it would be no harm to try 'em. But says, he Major, 1 feel a little kind of si i caked about it after all; for they say they will go talking to me in Latin, and although I studied it a little once, I dont know any more about it now than the man in the moon. And how I can get along in that case I dont know. I told him my way, when any body talked to me in a lingo that I didn't understand, was jest to say nothing, but look as knowing as any of 'em, and then they thought I knew a pesky sight more than any of 'em. At that the Gineral fetched me a slap on the shoulder and haw hawed right out. Says MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 137 he," Major Downing, you are the boy for me j I do n't know how I should get along in this world if it was n't for you-, So when we got ready we went right to ..Cambridge as bold as could be. And that are Cambridge is a real pretty place; it seems to me I should like to live in them Colleges as well as any place I've seen. We went into the Libry, and I guess I stared a little, for 1 did n't think before there was half so many books in the world I should think there was near about enough to fill a meetin house. I dont believe they was ever ail read or ever will be to all ages. When we come to go in to be made Doctors of, there was a terrible crowding round; but they give us a good place, and then sure enough they did begin to talk in Latin or some other gibberish; but whether they were talking to the Gineral, or who 'twas, I could n't tell. I guess the Gineral was a little puzzled. But he never said a word, only once in a while bowed a little. And 1 spose he happened sometimes to put in the bows in the wrong place, for I could see some of the sassy stu- dents look up one side once a while, and snicker out of one corner of their mouths. Howsomever the Gineral stood it out like a hero, and got through very well. And when 'twas over, I stept up to Mr. Quincey and asked him if he would n't be so good as to make me a Doctor of War, and hinted to him a little about my services down to Madawaska and among the milliners. At that he made me a very polite bow, and says he, Major Downing, we should be very happy to oblige you if we could, but we never give any degrees of war here; all our degrees are degrees of peace. So I find I shall have to practice, war in the natural way, let nullifica- tion, or what will, come. After 'was all over we went to Mr. Quincey's and had a capital dinner. And on the whole had about as good a visit to Cambridge as most any where. 1 meant to a told you considerable about Lowell, but the steamboat goes so fast, I shant have time to. We M 2 138 LETTEKS OF went all over the Factories; and there ! I wont try to say one word about 'em, for I've been filled with such a wondermient ever since, that my idea* are all as big as hay stacks, and if I should try to get one of 'em out of my head, it would tear it all to pieces. It beat all that ever I heard of before, and the Gineral said it beat all that ever he heard of. But what made the Gineral hold his head up and feel more like a soldier, than he had before since he was at New Orleans, was when we marched along the street by them are five thousand gals, all dressed up and looking as pretty as a million of butterflies. The Gineral marched along as light as a boy, and seems to me I never see his eyes shine so bright afore. After we got along about to the middle of 'em, he whispered to me, and says he, Major Down- ing, is your Cousin Nabby here among 'em; if she is, I must be introduced to her. I told him she was not; as they were expecting us to come to Downingville, she staid to home to help get ready. Well, says he, if any thing should happen that we can't go to Downingville, you must send for your Cousin Nabby and Uncle Jos- hua to come on to Washington to see me. I will bear all ihe expenses, if they will only come, says he; these northern gals are as much afore our southern and west- ern gals as can be, and I've thought of you Cousin Nabby a great deal lately — he looked as though he was going to say something more, but Mr. Van Buren and the rest of 'em crowded up along so near that it broke oti', and had to go along. I Bee we've got most to York, and shall have to go ashore in a few minuses, so I cant write any more now, but remain your sincere and loving friend, MAJOR JACK DOWNING. MAJOR JACK DOWNIHG. 139 LETTER LVI. Jin account of the quarrel that the major had with Mr. Van Bur en at Concord, after they went up chamber to bed, and the declaration of his intentions to run for the presidency. Washington City, July 20, 1833. To my old friend, the editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the state of Maine. My dear old Friend, you — I dont know but jou might think strange on 't, that 1 should be back here to Washington more than a fortnight, and not write to you. But I hant forgot you. You need n't never be afraid of that. We aint very apt to forget our best friends ; and. you may depend upon it Jack Downing will never forget the editor of the Portland Courier any more than Andrew Jackson will forget Jack Downing. You was the first person that ever give me a lift into public life, and you 've been a boosting me along ever since. And jest between you and me I think I 'm get- ting into a way now where I shall be able by and by to do something to pay you for it. The reason that 1 have n't writ to you before, is, that we have had pretty seri- ous business to attend to since we got back. But we 've jest got through with it, and Mr. Van Buren has cleared out and gone back about the quickest to New York, and I guess with a bed-bug in his ear. Now jest between you and me in confidence, I'll tell you how 'tis ; but pray dont let on about it to any body else for the world. Did n't you think plaguy strange what made us cut back so quick from Concord without going to Portland or Portsmouth or Downingville ? You know the papers have said it was because the pre- sident want very well, and the president had to make that excuse himself in some of his letters ; but it was no such thing. The president could a marched on foot twenty miles a day then, and only let him been at the 140 LETTERS OF head of my Downingville company and he 'd a whole British regiment scamper like a flock of sheep. But you see the trouble ont was, there was some dif- ficulty between I and Mr. Van Buren. Some how or other Mr. Van Buren always looked kind of jealous at me all the time after he met us at New York ; and 1 could n't help minding every time the folks hollered ' hoorah for Major Downing' he would turn as red as a blaze of fire. And wherever we stopped to take a bite or to have a chat, he would always work it, if he could, somehow or other so as to crowd in between me and the president. Well, ye see, I would n't mind much about it, but would jest step round 'tother side. And though 1 say it myself, the folks would look at me, let me be on which" side I would ; and after they'd cried hoorah for the president, they'd most always sing out ' hoorah for Major Downing.' Mr. Van Buren kept growing more and more fidgety till we got to Concord. And there we had a room full of sturdy old democrats - f New Hampshire, and after they had all flocked round the old president and shook hands with him, he happened to introduce me to some of 'em before he did Mr. Van Buren. At that the fat was all in the fire. Mr. Van Buren wheeled about and marched out of the room looking as though he could bite a board nail off. The president had to send for him three times before he could get him back into the room again. And when he did come, he didn't speak to me for the whole even- ing. However we kept it from the company pretty much j but when we come to go up to bed that night, we had a real quarrel. It was nothing but jaw, jaw, the whole night. Mr. Woodbury and Mr. Cass tried to pacify us all they could, but it was all in vain, we didn't one of us get a wink of sleep, and shouldn't if the night had lasted a fortnight. Mr. Van Buren said the president had dishonoured the country by placing a military major on half pay before the second officer of the government. The president begged him to consi- der that I was a very particular friend of his ; that I MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 141 had been a great help to him at both ends of the coun- try 5 that I had kept the British out of Madawaska away down in Maine, and had marched my company clear from Downingville to Washington, on my way to South Carolina, to put down the nulliriers ; and he thought I was entitled to as much respect as any man in the country. This nettled Mr. Van Bur en peskily. He said he thought it was a fine time of day if a raw jockey from an obscure village away down east, jest because he had a major's commission, was going to throw the vice pre- sident of the United States and the heads of depart- ments into the background. At this my dander began to rise, and I stepped right up to him ; and says I, Mr. Van Buren, you are the last man that ought to call me a jockey. And if you '11 go to Downingville and stand up before my company with Sargeant Joel at their head, and call Downingville an obscure village, I'll let you use my head for a foot-ball as long as you live after- wards. For if they wouldn't blow you into ten thou- sand atoms, I'll never guess again. We got so high at last that the old president hopt off the bed like a boy ; for he had laid down to rest him, bein it was near day- light, though he couldn't get to sleep. And says he, Mr. Donaldson, set down and write Mr. Anderson at Portland, and my friend Joshua Downing at Downing- ville, that I can't come. I'm going to start for Wash- ington this morning. What, says Mr. Cass, and not go to Portsmouth and Exeter and round there I I tell you, says the*president, I'm going to stait for Wash- ington this morning, and in three days I'll be there. What, says Mr. Woodbury, and not go to Portland, where they have spent so much money to get ready for us ! I tell you, says the president, my foot is down : I go not a step further, but turn about this morning for Washington. What, says I, and not go to Downing- ville, what will Uncle Joshua say ? At this the pre- sident looked a little hurt ; and says he, Major Down- ing, I can't help it. As for going any further with 142 LETTERS OF such a din as this about my ears, I cannot, and will not, and I am resolved not to budge another inch. And sure enough the president was as good as his word, and we were all packed up by sunrise, and in three days we were in Washington. And here we've been ever since, battling the watch about the next presidency. Mr. Van Buren says the president promised it to him, and now he charges me and the president with a plot to work myself into it and leave him out. It's true I've been nominated in a good many papers, in the .National Intelligencer, and in the Munch Chunk Courier printed away oft' among the coal diggers in Pennsylvany, and a good many more. And them are Pennsylvany chaps are real pealers for elect- ing folks when they take hold ; and that's what makes Mr. Van Buren so uneasy. The president tells him as he has promised to help him, he shall do what he can for him : but if the folks will vote forme he can't help it. Mr. Van Buren wanted I shoulu come out in the Nation- al Intelligencer and resign, and so be put up for vice president under him. But I told him no ; bein it had gone so fur I wouldn't do n-thing about it. I hadn't ask- ed for the office, and if the folks had a mind Vj give it to me I wouldn't refuse it. So after we had battled it about a fortnight, Mr. Van Buren found it was no use to try to dicker with me, and he's cleared out and gone to New York to see what he can do there. I never thought of getting in to be president so soon, though I 've had a kind of hankering for it this two years. But now, seeing it's turned out as it has, I'm determined to mak<- a bold push, and if I can get in by the free votes of the people, I mean to. The president says he'd rather I should have it than any body else, and if he had n't promised Mr. Van Buren before hand, he would use his influence for me. I remember when I was a boy about a dozen years old, there was an old woman come to our house to tell fortunes. And after she 'd told the rest of 'em, father says he, here's Jack, you have n't told his fortunes yet, MAJOR JACK DOWNING 143 and I dontspose it 's worth a telling, for he 's a real mutton-headed boy. At that the old woman catched hold of my hair, and pulled my head back and looked into my face, and I never shall forget how she looked right tnrough me, as long as I live. At last, says she, and she gin me a shove that sent me almost through the side of the house, Jack will beat the whole of you. He '11 be a famous climber in his day, and wherever he sets out to climb, you may depend upon it, he will go to the top of the ladder. Now, putting all these things toge- ther, and the nominations in the papers, and the ' hoo- rahs for Major Downing,' I dontknow what it means, unless it means that I must be president. So, as I said afore, I'm determined to make a bold push. I 've writ to Col. Crocket to see if I can get the support of the western states, and his reply is, ' go ahead.' I shall depend upon you and uncle Joshua to carry the state of Maine for me ; and, in order to secure the other states, I spose it will be necessary to publish my life and writings. President Jackson had his life publish- ed before he was elected, and when Mr. Clay was a candidate he had hisn published. I 've talked with the president about it, and he says, publish it by all means, and set the printer of the Portland Courier rght about it. So I want you to go to work as soon as you get this, and pick up my letters, and begin to print 'em in a book ; and I '11 set down and write a history ot mv life to put into it, and send it along as fast as I can <*et it done. But I want you to be very ca 1 eful not to get any of them are confounded counterfeit letters, that the rascally fellers have been sending to the printers, mixed in long with mine. It would be as bad as break- ing a rotten egg in long with the good ones ; it would spile the whole puddin. You can tell all my letters, for they were all sent to you first. The president says I must have a picter of me made and put into the book. — He says he had one put into his, and Mr. Clay had one put iuto his. So I believe I 144 LETTERS OF shall write to Mr. Thatcher that prints the little journ- al paper in Boston, and get him to go to some of the best picter-makers there, and get them to do me up some as slick as they can. These things, you know, will all help get the free votes of the people ; and that 's all I want. For I tell you now, right up and down, I never will take any office that does n't come by the free votes of the people. I 'm a ginuin democratic republican, and always was, and so was my father be- fore me, and uncle Joshua besides. There's a fe v more things that I want to speak to you about in this letter but I'm afraid it will get to be too lengthy. That are story that they got in the news- papers about my being married in Philadelphy is all a hoax. I aint married yet, nor I shant be till a little blue-eyed gal, that used to run about with me, and go to school and slide down hill in Downingville is the wife of President Downing. And that are other story that the President give me a Curnel's commission jest before we started down east, isn't exactly true. The President did offer me one, but I thanked him, and told him if he would excuse me, I should rather not take it, for I had always noticed that Majors were more apt to rise in the world than Curnels. 1 wish you would take a little pains to send up to Downingville and get uncle Joshua to call a public meeting, and have me nominated there. I'm so well known there, it would have a great effect in other pla- ces. And I want to have it particularly understood, and so stated in their resolutions, that 1 am the ginuin democratic republican candidate. I know you will put your shoulder to the wheel in this business and do all you can for me, for you was always a good friend to me, and, jest between you and me, when I get in to be President you may depend upon it you shall have as good an office as you want. • But I see it's time for me to end this letter. The President is quite comfortable, and sends his respects to you and uncle Joshua. I remain vour sincere friend, MAJOR JACK DOWNING. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 145 LETTER LVII. Cousin Ephraim's account of converting "dimocrats" into federals, and making them change sides. Downingville, State of Maine, August 12, 1833. To Cousin Major Jack Downing, at Washington city, or else gone long with the President down to the Rip Raps. To be sent privately in the Portland Courier. Dear Cousin Jack. — I 've got something pretty heavy on my mind that I want to tell ye about, and ask your advice, and may be I shall want you to lend me a hand a little. I 've been watching politics pretty snug ever since I was a little boy, and that's near about forty years; and I believe I know most as much about ifr-as uncle Joshua, although he's twenty years older than I be. Now about this republicanism and federalism, I've minded that it always keeps changing, and always has, ever since I can remember. And I've minded tu it most always keeps going round one way; that is, the young federalists keep turning dimocrats, and the old dimocrats keep turning federalists. What it's for I dont exactly know, but that's the way it goes. I spose a man, on the whole, is n't hardly fit to be a dimocrat after he gets to be fifty years old. And here is old uncle Joshua in the Post Office, he's got to be about sixty, and he's hanging on to the dimocratic side yet, like the tooth-ache; and it begins to worry me a good deal. I think it's high time he went over. You know Downingville has always been a ginuin republican town, and I want it should always go according to the usages [I think that's what they call it] of the dimo- cratic party. When it gets to be time for an old dimocrat to go over on the federal side, I believe the Argus always puts 'em over. You remember there was old Mr.Insley in Port- land, and old Gineral Wingate in Bath, as much as a N 146 LETTERS OF dozefl years ago, were some as big republicans as there was any where about. Well, they got to be considerable old, and had been in office sometime, so the Argus took and clapt 'em right over on to the federal side. And you know there was Mr. Holmes, he was a whapping great republican. But he begun to grow old, and so the Argus put him over. And there was Mr. Sprague; he was such a nice dimocrat every one said it was a pitty to put him over. But bein he 'd been to Congress some- time, the Argus would n't hear a word, but shoved him right over. And this summer the Argus is putting of 'em over considerable younger on to the federal side. It has put Judge Preble over, and Judge Ware, and Mr. Mitchell the Post Master at Portland, and he is n't near so old as uncle Joshua, and it has put Mr. Megquier over, only think, such a young man as Mr. Megquier, that's only been in the Sinnet three or four years. Now dont you think,according to dimocratic usage, it is high time old uncle Joshua was put over. I wish you would jest write to the Argus and have it done, for I feel a good deal worried about it. And as soon as it comes out in the Argus that he is fairly over, I want you to tell the President that uncle Joshua is a federalist, and have him removed from the Post Office, for it would be an everlasting shame to have the Post Office in Uowningville kept by a federalist. N.B. If uncle Joshuashould be removed I wish you would use your influence to get the President to give the office to me; for next to Uncle Joshua I spose I've done more for the republican party than any man in Dowu- ingville. I can have a recommendation from Sargent Joel and all the company. By attending to this you will much oblige your friend and cousin, EPHRAIM DOWNING. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 147 LETTER LVIII. The President commences a conversation about me and Daniel. Washington City, Sept. 14, 1833. To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down East, in the State of Maine. My dear old Friend, — Its got to be a pretty consid- erable long while now since I've writ to you, for I never like to write, you know, without I have something to say. — But I've got something on my mind now, that keeps me all the time a thinking so much that I cant hold in any longer. So jest between you and me I'll tell you what 'tis. But I must begin a little ways be- forehand? so you can see both sides of it, and I'll tell you what 'tis as soon :is I get along to it. You see I and the President has been down to the Rip Raps a few weeks to try to recruit up a little; for that pesky tower away down East like to did the job for the old Gineral. So, after we got things pretty much to .rights here, we jest stepped aboard the steamboat and and went down to the Rip Raps. That are Rip Raps is a capital place: it is worth all the money we ever paid for it, if it was for nothing else only jest to recruit up the Government. It is one of the most coolest places in the summer time that you ever see. Let a feller be all worn out and wilted down as limpsy as a rag, so that the doctors would think he was jest ready to fly off the handle, and let him go down to the Rip Raps and stay tht re a fortnight, and he'd come up again as smart as a steeltrap. The President got recruited up so nicely, while we were down to the Rip Raps, that ever since we got back till two or three davs ago, he has been as good natured and sociable as ever I should wish to see a body. And now I'm coming, pretty soon, to what I was going to tell you about, that bears so heavy on my mind. 148 LETTERS OF You see the President likes every morning after the breakfast is out of the way, to set down and read over the newspapers, and see what is going on in the country, and who's elected and so on So when we've done breakfast, we take the letters and papers that come from the Post-Office, and go away by ourselves into the great East Room where we can say jest what we've a mind to, and nobody not hear us, and the President sets down in his great arm rocking-chair and smokes his segar. and I set down by the table and read to him. Last Monday morning, as I was reading over the papers one arter another, I come to a Pennsylvania paper and open- ed it, and, says I, hullow, gineral, here's a speech of Mr. Webster at Pittsburg, as large as life. Ah, said he; well, let us hear what Daniel has been talking to them are Pennsylvany and Ohio chaps about. So I hitched back in my chair, and read on. And by and by I begun to get into the marrow of the story, where he told all about Nullification, and what a dark time we had of it last winter, and how the black clouds begun to rise and spread over the country, and the thunders of civil war begun to- roll and rumble away off to the South, and by and by how the tempest was jest ready to burst over our heads and split the country all into shiv- ers, and how, in the very nick of time, the President's Proclamation came out and spread over the whole coun- try like a rain-bow, and how every body then took cour- age and said the danger was all over. While I had been reading this, the President had started up on his feet, and walked back and forth across the room pretty quick, puffing away and making the smoke roll out of his mouth like a house a fire; and by the time I had got through, he had thrown his segar out of the window, and come and sot down, leaning his elbow on the table and looking right in my face. I laid the paper down, and there he sot looking right at me as much as five minutes, and never said a word; but he seemed to keep a thinking as fast as a horse could run. At last, said he, Major Downing, were you ever told that you resem- bled Daniel Webster ? MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 149 Why, Gineral, says I, how do you mean, in looks or what? Why perhaps a little of both says he, but mostly in looks. Bless my stars, says I, Gineral, you dont mean to say that I am quite so dark as he is. Perhaps not, says he; but you have that sharp know- ing look, as though you could see right through a mill- stone. I know, says he, that Mr. Webster is rather a dark looking man, but there is n't another man in this country that can throw so much light on a dark subject as he can. Why yes, says I, he has a remarkable faculty for that; he can see through most any thing, and he can make other folks see through it too. I guess, says I, if he'd been born in old Virginny he'd stood next to most any body. A leetle afore 'em, says the Gineral, in my own way of thinking. I'll tell yoU what 't is Major, I begin to think your New Englanders aint the worst sort of fel- lows in the world after all. Ah well says I, seeing is believing, and you 've been down that way now and can judg^ for yourself. But if you had only gone as fur as Downingville I guess you would have thought still better of 'em than you do now. Other folks may talk larger and bluster more, says I, but whenever you are in trouble, and want the real sup- port in time of need, go to New England for it and you never need to be afraid but what it will come. I believe > ou are right, says the Gineral; for notwith- standing all I could do with my proclamation against nullification, I believe I should have rubbed hard if there had been no such men in the country as Major Downing and Daniel Webster. But this nullification business isn't killed yet. The tops are beat down, but the roots are alive as ever, and spreading under ground wider and wider, and one of these days when they begin to sprout up again there'll be, a tougher scrabble to keep 'em down than there has N2 150 LETTERS OF boen yet; and I 've been thinking, says he, and he laid his hand on, my shoulder and looked very anxious, I've been thinking says he, if you and Daniel and here the door opened and in cometh Amos Kendle with a long letter from Mr Van Buren about the Bank and the safety fund and the Government deposites and I dont know what all; and the President's brow was clouded in a minute; for he always feels kind of pettish when they plague him about the safety fund. I have n't had any chance to talk with him since, there 's so many of 'em round him; and I 'm as uneasy as a fish out of water, I feel so anxious to know what the President was going to say about me and Daniei. I shall watch the first chance when I think it will do to talk with him, and find out what he was going to say. I cant hardly sleep anights, I think so much about it. When I find out I'll write to you again. Send my love to the folks up in Downingville when you have a chance. I remain your sincere friend, MAJOR JACK DOWNING. LKTTER LIX. The conversation about me and Daniel concluded. Washington City, Sept. 30, 1833. To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the State of Maine. My Dkar Friend, — Havn't you been in a terrible kind of a pucker ever since my' last letter to vou, to know what the President was going to say about me and Daniel? If you havn't, I have. I never felt so un- easy for a fortnight hardly in my life. If I went to bed MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 151 1 couldn't sleep, and I've got up and walked the floor as much as halt" the night almost every night since. — I've wished the Bank to Guinea more than fifty times, for there's been such a hubbub here about the Bank this fortnight past, that I couldn't get a moment's chance to talk with the President about any thing else. We'd have cabinet meetings once in awhile to see about mov- ing the deposites, and Mr. Duane and Mr. Cass and Mr. McLane would talk up to the President so about it, that he'd conclude to let 'em alone and do nothing about it, and let Congress manage it jest as they'd amind to. And then we'd go home and Mr. Kendle would come in and talk the matter over, and read some great long let- ters from Mr. Van Buren,and get the President so con- fused that he would lose all patience a most. But Mr. Kendle is the master feller to hang on that ever I see; he's equal to the tooth ache. And he talk- ed and palavered with the President till he finally brought him over, and then the President put his foot down, and said the deposites should be moved whether or no. And then the botheration was to see who should move 'em. The President told Mr. Duane to do it; but he said his conscience wouldn't let him. Then the Presidenttold Mr. Taney to take Mr.Duane's place, and see if his conscience would let him. Mr. Taney tried it and found his conscience went easy enough, so Mr. Duane packed up and went home to Philadelphy, We were all dreadful sorry to loose Mr. Duane, for he was a nice man as you will see one in a thousand. It's a pity he had such a stift' conscience; he might have staid here in the Treasury jest as well as not, it it hadn't Been for that. But this storm about the Bank begins to blow over, and the President's got in a manner cooled down again. This morning after breakfast we took the papers and letters jest as we used to, and went away into the east room to read the news and chat awhile; and it really did my heart good to see the President set down once 152 LETTERS OK more looking so good natured in his great arm chair smoking his segar. After I had read over the news to him awhile, and got him in pretty good humour, I made bold to out with it, and says I Gineral, there's one ques- tion I want to ask you. — And says he, you know Major, I always allow you to ask me any thing you're a mind to, what is it? Well says I, when we had that talk here about a fortnight ago, you begun to say something about me and Daniel; and jest as you got into the middle of it, Mr. Kendle came in and broke it right off short as a pipe stem. It's been running in my head ever since, and I've been half crazy to know what it was you was going to say. Well, let us see, says the Gineral, where was itl left oft; for this everlasting fuss about the Bank has kept my head so full I can't seem to remember much about it. Why says I, you was talking about nullification; how the tops were beat down a little, but the roots were all running about under ground as live as ever, and it would n't be long before they'd be sprouting up again all over the country, and there'd be a tougher scrabble to keep 'em down than ever t.iere had been yet; and then you said if I and Daniel and there that plaguy Kendle came in, I've no patience with him now when I think of it, and broke it right oft'. Ah. now I remember, says the Gineral, now 'twas. Well, says he, Major Downing, it is a solemn fact, this country is to see a> blacker storm of nullification before many years comes about than ever it has seen yet; the clouds are begin- ning to gather now; I've seen 'em rolling over South Carolina, and hanging about Georgia, and edging along into old Virginny, and I see the storm's a gathering; it must come, ai>d if there is n't somebody at the helm that knows how to steer pretty we'l, the old ship must go down. I aint afraid, says he, but what 1 can keep her up while I have the command, but I'm getting to he old and must give up soon, and they what'll become of her T dont know. But what I was going to say was this; I've been thinking if you and Daniel, after 1 give up, MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 155 would put your heads together and take charge of her till the storm has blown over, you might save her. And I dont know who else can. But how do you mean, Gineral,says I? Why to speak plain, says he, if nullification shows its head, Daniel must talk and you must fight. There's nothing else will do the job for it that I know of. Daniel must go into the Presidential chair, and you must take command of the army, and then things will go straight. At this I was a little struck up; and I looked him right in the eye, and, says I, Gineral, do you mean that Daniel Webster ought to be President after you give up? Cer- tainly, says he, if you want to keep the country out of the jaws of nullification. But, says I, Gineral, Daniel is a federalist, a Hartford Convention federalist, and I should like to know which is worst, the jaws of nul- lification, or the jaws of federalism. The jaws of a fid- dle-stick! said the President, starting up and throwing his segar out of the window as much as two rods; but how do you know, Major Downing, that Daniel is a federalist? Because, says I, I've heard him called so down east more than a hundred times. And that's jest all you know about it, says he. Now I tell you how 'tis, Major Downing, Daniel is as thorough a republican as you be, or as I be, and has been ever since my Procla- mation came out against nullification. As soon as that Proclamation came out Daniel came right over on to the republican ground and took it upon his shoulder and carried it through thick and thin where no other man in the country could have carried it. Says I, Gineral, is that a fact? And says he yes, you may depend upon it, 'tis every word truth. Well says I, that alters the case a little, and Pll write to Uncle Joshua and the editor of the Portland Courier and see what they think of it, and if they think it's best to have Daniel for President we'll have him in, and Pll take my turn afterwards: for see- ing the people are bent upon having me for President I wont decline, though if it is thought best that I should wait a little while, I wont be particular about that 154 LETTERS OF I'm willing to do that which will be best for the coun- try. Sol remain your loving friend, MAJOR JACK DOWNING. LETTER LX. Being the genuine letter of old Mr. Zophar Downing, ' amost eighty-three yere old. ' S Uppington, Western Resarve I Tuesday, June 5, A. D. 1833, N. S. To my Neffu John Downing : — I am got to be amost eighty three Yere ok!, and I'm in my eighty third Year now, and its so I0112; since I have took any Pen in my hand to write any thing nor a Letter to any Boddj living for now going on a very long Time. And what makes it particular bad for me is thatmv Fingers is got stiff with Rhumatiz and cold, and is all Thums, as much as tho they was froze in the Winter. — Your Ant is sick abed ; she ketch'd cold some Time in A peril, and I dont know when she will git over it ; she is iq her eighty second Year most as old as I be, we are both very old and prety much done with this World, so to speake. I did not ever expect to write any more Letters to my Frinds because I'm in my eighty third Year and am too old most to write Letters. "But you writ a Letter to me from the Citty of Washington and it was throw'd out of the Stage VVensday as it drove by. And when I redd about your goin to take the President of these United States to Downingvile then I said to your Ant my dear I must try and write an Answer to Jonny's Letter. I was jeest about as old as you be John when the Great Washington died, 14 day of December, and was MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 155 with him and spoke with him seventeen year before, when he left the Army and wisht I might live many yeares, and what you writ to me makes me think a good deal of that time. I shant forget it to my dyin day — but I hope you wont have Ardint Sperrits in your Town on the occasion. I tlont drink any more Flip nor Tody sence 17 August A. D. 1831 and am better fort, and hope Brother Joshua has stopped. Two of my Cows was lost last year by Destemper and one of Mr. Doolit- tles who lives opposite, is a hard worken Man. Some Destemper was here this yere but I follerd what was said in the Temperance Almanick and they was cured in time to git over it. I desire that my Brother Joshua woud write a Letter to me to let me know whether he is going to make out as well with his Tcrnips as he did 5 year ago, he wrote to your Ant about it. I tryde that Plan here, but it dont do in this Soil, it is to dry most of it. Your Aut tells me she dont think Brother Joshua can be so strong of his Age as I be, seeing he hant writ any ot us since that Account of his Gardi )g Sauce turnin out so remarkable good that year. It is thirty-two years ago next month since I was in Downingville, how is Deacon Wiioby and his family and his daughter Sooky was uncommon humersome, but your ant always used to say she thot Sooky was a lit- tle too fond of seeing people perlite and that she was to espirin for Downingvile when she was young and a come- ly child. I thank you John for some newspapers you sent to me last when so much was writ about the Presi- dent and the Vice President, one spell I was afeared that the poor salvages in Georgia State was agoin to suffer till the great Proclamation to the Nuliphiers as they are called which you sent to me, but I hope they are not now, they are a sufferin Peeple certin. If you do take the President east I hope there is no boddy but what will treat him with respect. You know John I dont know much about politix, but I know something of my bible, and I hope I shall alwais read in it whde I con- tinue to live, and it says in the 2nd Book of Samuel, 156 LETTERS OF about Absalom's setting by the gate and shakin hands and kissin every buddy that passed by, and whisperin in their ears what he would do it he was king, and you know nior about the Vice President, and I ask you if that man aint adoin so too, and if it is not some boddys duty to speak to the President about it. But my hand shakes somes writin so much, and give my love and ants to all our relations and to the neighbours of your* that 1 used to know. I am your loving Uncle, ZOPHAR DOWNING. LETTER LXI. BANK REPORT. To the Editor of the New Ycrk Daily Advertiser. Major Downing's Official Report on the United States Bank Published by 'authority.' Rip Raps, August 4th 1 833. Dear Sir, — I have jest got here after examinin the Bank ; and it was the toughest job, ever I had in my life. The Gineral was so bent on my doing it, that I had to 'go ahead,' or I'd sneak'd out the first day. I was nigh upon a week about it, figerin and siferin all the while. Mr. Biddle see quick enuf it was no fool's journey I come on j and I made some of his folks scratch their heads, I tell you. I gin 'em no notice of my com- in, and I jump'd right in the thickest on 'em there one day, when they were tumblin in and shellin out the mun- ny like corn. * Now,' says I, 'my boys, I advise all on ye to brush up your multiplication tables, for I am down upon you with alligation, and the rule of three, and vulgar fractions ', and if I find a penny out of place, the Gineral shall know it. I'm no green horn, nor mem- ber of Congress, nor Judge Clayton, nor Mr. Cambre- MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 157 leng, neither,' says I. As soon as Mr. Biddle read the letter the Gineral sent by me, says he, ' Major, I m glad the Gineral has sent some one at last that knows something, and can give a strait account,' and with that he called all the Bank folks, and tell'd 'em to bring their books together. ' Now,' says he, ' Major, which eend shall we begin at first.' * It makes no odds which,' says I, 'all I care about is to see if both eends meet; and if they don't, Mr. Biddle,' says I, 'it's all over with you and the Bank — you'll all go, hook and line,' — ami then we otf coats and went at it. I found some of them are fellers there plagy sharp at siferin. They'd do a sum by a kinder short Dilworth quick as a flash. I always use a slate — it comes kinder natural to me ; and I chalk'd her off there the first day and figur'd out nigh upon 100 pretty considerable tuf sums. There was more than three cart load of books about us, and every one on 'em bigger than the Deacon's family Bible. And sich an etarnal batch of hgerin I never see, and the e wasn't a blot or scratch in the whole on 'em I put a good many questions to Mr. Biddle, for the Gineral gin me a long string on 'em ; and I thought some would stagger him, but he answered them all jest as glib as our bays in Downingville do the catakize, from the chief '• eend of man,' clean through the peti- tions — and he did it all in a mighty civil way too, ther was only one he kinder tried to git round, and that was — how he came to have so few of the Gineral's folks among the Directors until very latelv? ' Why,' says he. Major, and Major,' says he (and then he got up and took, a pinch of s:iuff and offered me one) says he, • Major, the, Bank knows no party ; and in the first go off, you know, the Gineral's friends were all above matters of so little importance as Banks and Banking. If we had but a branch in Downingville,' says he. 6 the Gineral would not have had occasion to ask such a question,' and with that he made me a bow; and I went home and took dinner with him. It is plagy curious to hear him talk about millions and thousands; O 158 LETTERS OF arid I gat as glib too at it as he is; and how on earth I shall get back agin to ninepences and four-pence-hap- penies, I can't tell. Arter I had been figerin away there nigh upon a week, and used up four or five slate pencils, and spit my mouth as dry as a cob, rubbin out the sums as fast as I did them, I writ to the Gineral and tell'd him it was no use ; I could find no mistake; but so long as the Bank was at work, it was pretty much like counting a flock of sheep in a fall day when they are jest let into a new stubble, for it was all the while crossing and mixing, and the only way was, to lock up all the Banks, and as fast as you can count e'm black their noses. 'Now,' says I one day to Squire Biddle, ' I'll jest a look at your moneys bags, for they tell the Gineral you han' got stuft' enuf in the Bank to make him a pair of spectacles; none of your rags,' says I, 'but the real grit;' and with that he call'd two or three chaps in Quaker coats, and they opened a large place about as big as the 'east room' and sich a sight I never see — boxes, bags and kags, all full, and should say nigh up- on a hundred cord. Says I^> ' Squire Biddle, what on earth is all this for? for 1 am stumped.' '0,' says he, 'Major,' that's our Safety Fund.' ' How you talk!' says I. ' Now, says I, ' is that all genwine?' ' Everv dollar of it,' says he. 'Will you count it, Major?' says he. 'Not to day,' says I; 'but as the Gineral wants me to be particular, I'll jest hussle some 'em;' and at it I went, hammer and file. It raly did mo good, for I did not think there was so much real chink in all creation. So when I got tired, I set down on a pile, and took out my wallet, and begun to count over some of the 'safety fund' notes I got shaved with on the grand tower. ' Here,' says I, ' Squire Biddle, I have a small trifle I should like to barter with you; it's all "safety fund,'" says I; 'and Mr. Van Buren's head is on most all of 'em.' But as soon as he put his eye on 'em, he shook his head. I see he had his eye teeth MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 159 cut. < Well,' says I, 'it's no matter;' but it lifted my dander considerable. ' Now,' says I, Mr. Biddle, I've got one more ques- tion to put to you and then I'm through. You say your bills are better than the hard dollars; this puzzles me, and .the Gineral too. Now, how is this?' ' Well,' says he, ' Major, I'll tell you : Suppose you had a bushel of potatoes at Downingville, and you wanted to send them to Washington, how much would it cost to get them there?' ' Well, says I, 'about two shillins lawful — for I sent a barrel there to the Gineral, last fall, and that cost me a dollar freight.' 'Well,' say, 1 suppose I've got potatoes in Washington jest as good as yours, and I take your potatoes in Downingville, and give you an order to receive a bushel of potatoes in Washington, wouldn't you save two shillins lawful by that? We sometimes charge,' says he, ' a trifle for drafts, when the places are distant, but never as much as it would cost to carry the dollars,' and with that we looked into the accounts agin, and there it was. Says I, ' Squire Biddle, I see it now as clear as a whistle.' When I got back to Washington, I found the Gine- ral off to the * Rip Raps,' and so I arter him. One fel- ler there tell'd me I could'nt go to the Rip Raps — that the Gineral was there to keep oft' business ; but as soon as I told him who I was, he ordered a boat and I pad- dled off! The Gineral and I have talked overall the Bank bus- iness ; he says it is not the best to publish my report, as he wants it for the message ; and it would only set them Stockfish nibblin agin in Wall Street. I made him stare when I tell'd him about the dollars I saw there ; and once and awhile he would rinkle his face up like a ball of ravilins ; and when I tell'd him Biddle would n't give me any of his ' Safety Fund' for any of Mr. Van Buren's that I had with me, the Gineral took out his wallet, and slung it more than five rods into the brakers. We are now purtty busy, fittin and jointin the beams and rafters of the message ; and if Mr. Van Bu- 160 LETTERS OF ren dont get back before we begin to shingle it, I guess that his Safety Fund will stand but a poor chance. The Gineral don't care much about having his head for a sign board, but says he, ' Major, when they put my head on one eend of a Bank Bill, and Mr. Van Bu- ren's on tother eend, and ".promise to pay Andrew Jackson," and then blow up, it's too bad — I won't al- low it — it shant be.' The Gineral says, if he allows Amos Kendle to make his report about the State Banks, it is but fair to let me publish mine about Square Bid- die's Bank.- So I am getting mine ready. We have a fine cool time here, and ain't bothered with Office seekers ; we can see 'em in droves all along shore, waitin for a chance. One fellow swam oil' last night to get appointed to some office — the Gineral thinks of making him minister to the King of the Sandwich Islands, on account of their being all good swimmers there. Yours, J DOWNING. Major. Oowningville Militia, 2d Brigade. LETTER LXII. Giving some account of Pelcg BisseVs Churn. Rip Raps, Aug, IT, 1833. To the Editor of the New York Daily Advertiser. My Good Friend. — "77/e Government" will leave hereon Saturday, so you must tell all our fiiends to stop sending any more letters here. We go strate to Washington, to put thing* to rights there for winter. I and the Gineral have got things now pretty conside- rabb snug ; and it is raly curious to see how much more easy and simple all the publick affairs go on than they MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 161 did a spell ago, when Mr. Adams was President. If it warnt for Congress meetin we coi'd jest go about pret- ty much where we pleased, and keep things strate too; and I begin to think now with the Gineral, that ater all, there is no great shakes in managin the affairs of the nation. We have pretty much all on us been joggin about now since last grass; and things are jest as strate and clear now as they was then. The Gineral has nigh upon made up his mind, that there is no use to have any more Congrt ss. They only bothers — they wou'd do more good to stay at home, and write letters to us tellin what is goin on among 'em at home. It would save a considerable sum ot money too; and I 'm also sartin that there is a plagy raft of fellows on wages that dont earn nothin. Howsoever, we are goin on makin things more simple every day, and we once and a while nock off a pretty considerable number of cogg wheels and trunnel heads. Th j Gineral says he likes things simple as a mouse trap. But what I like most is, he wont have no one about him who outranks me, so there is me and Major Barry, and Major Smith, and Major Earl, and Major Donaldson, and Major Lewis, and Major Eaton; — and the major part of a purty considerable of a man to do the [ rinting and tell the folks where we be, and once and a while where the land sales and contracts be too. There is aenuflfonus to do all that's wanted. Every day jest after breakfast, the Gineral lights his pipe, and begins to think purty hard, and I and Major Donaldson begin to open letters for him ; and there is more than three bushels every day, and all the while coming We dont git through more than a bushel a day; and never trouble long ones, unless they come from Mr. Van Buren, or Mr. Kindle, or some other of our great folks. Then we sort 'em out, jest as Zekel Bigelow does the mackerel at his Packin Yard, for tho' there are plagy many more sorts than he finds among fish, we only make three sorts, and keep three big baskets, one marked i not red,? another 'red, and worth nothin,' and another O 2 162 LETTERS OF 4 red and to be answered.' Ai d then all the Gineral has to do is to say, 'Major, 1 reckon we best say so and so to that,' and 1 say 'jest so,' or not, as the notion takes me — and then we go at it. We keep all the Secretaries, and the Vice President, and some District Attorneys, and a good many more of our folks, and Amos Kindle, moving about; and trey tell us jest how the cat jumps. And as I said afore, i' it warntfor Congress meetin once a jear, we'd put the Government in a one horse wagon and go jest where we liked. The Gineral was amazingly tickled t'other day. Pe- leg Bissel — (you know Peleg, who is all the while whit- lin, and sawin, and makin clocks, and apple parers, and churns, and lives nigh Seth Sprague's School house, down to Downingville,) well Peleg sent the Gineral a new churn of his own invention; and he calls it the 'Jackson Churn,' he wants a patent for it. The cute oritur says, \a his letter to the Gineral, that that are churn is jest like his government — its only got one wheel, and a smasher; and that it will make more but- ter than any other churn, and out of euy most any thing. The Gineral is so well p'eased with it, he will set and turn it nearly all day. Says he, 'Major, I like this ere churn amazingly, that Bissel is a knowin fellow. If that churn had been made by Congress, it would have more than fifty wheels and spring*, and make no more butter ater all. Major,' says he, 'tell Peleg I thank him; and send him a patent.' And so 1 did; and I tellcd him in the letter, that the Gineral would keep his churn in the hall of the white house, to let folks see that it did n't require as many cogwheels to make butter as they think on, and then when they come up chamber, in the Cabinet Room, and find ony me and the President, they'll understand it the better. When the Gineral come to sign this letter, 'well,' says lie, 'Major, that's just what I was thinkin on. Wc get every day an everlastin bach of letters from Mr. Van Buren and Amos Kindle, and they are MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 163 so plagy jagged, that we cant make 'em fit exactly with some others, eny most as jagged, from the South and West, and all from our folks too. One wants one thing, and one wants t'other. Some of our f.dks down South say, if the Bank is put down, we shall all be split up into splinters there. And jest so, ony t'other way, they say, we shant find in a week any of < ur folks north if the Bapkis rechartered, and some talk of the Nulli- fiers in Georgia going for M r. Van Buren, and that we must look out sharp, and not do nothiu agin 'em. And some say that are tower of Mr. Webster away West, and his speeches, bother some on 'em plagily. I was a little stumped for a spell myself; and I tell'd the Gin- eral, says I, 'Gineral, if you expect me to satisfy all these folks, you're mistaken, we cant do it,' says I. — 'Well then,' says he, 'we must send for Mr. Van Bu- ren. ' This kinder nettled me, and says I, 'Gineral, you ha'nt forgot that are churnal ready' — 'no, no,' says he, 'we'll stick to that Major.' 'Well then,' says I 'do you think that Mr. Van Buren wi'.l use that are churn? he keeps his bread buttered,' says I, 'by more wheels than that are churn's got.' 'Well Major,' says the Grneral, 'he is a plagy curious critter, ater-all — he'll make wheels turn sometimes right agin one another, yet he gits along — and when he lets his slice fall, or some one nocks it out of his hand, it always somehow falls butter side up' — 'well,' says I, 'Gineral, dontyou know why?' 'not exactly,' says he, 'Major' — 'well,' says I, — 'I'll tell you — he butters both sides at once,' says I. The Gineral drew his face all into a rumple for about a minute, and then he snorted right out. The Gineral talks of goin to the Hermitage next spring — he says he thinks he has done enuf for the country — and I think so too — he says I may go along with him or stay and lend Mr. Van Buren a hand — we'll say something about this in the Message. Yours as before, J. DOWNING, Major. Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. 164 LETTERS OF LETTER LXIII. The Public Crib at Washington. Washington, August 30, 1833. To Mr. D wight — New York Daily Advertiser. My good old Friend, — Ever since we got 'the Government' back here from the Rip Raps, we have been as busy as if we was all on us cocking hayjist afore a shower. I tell'd you some time ago that I and the gineral was fittin and jointin the beams and rafters of the message, but almost every day some plaguy new motion comes in from Mr. Van Buren, and some other of our folks, and we have to chizzle new mortises, and run new braces and string pieces, so that I begin to think it will look curious enuf when its done. The gineral says he dont care how it fronts, only he is determined to show a sharp corner to the nullifiers. We shall have a good deal to say about the Grand Tower ; there is nothin since the 8th of January at New Orleans tickles the gineral half so much. Every time we talk about it, the gineral gits right up, and says he, 'Major, I only wish I was fifty years younger, and then,' says he, 'give me the yankees east of Horse Neck, and I'd like no better sport than to have nullification all over the rest of creation.' When things dont go right, and the gineral gits a little wrathy, if I only tell him the yankees are ready to back him, he is as firm as granite. It would make you crawl all over to read that letter we writ to France, when we come to hear that the king there kinder sullied round that bill we drawed on him. 'He wont pay it, wont he ?' Says he — ' Major, what do you think of* that ?' — ' why,' says I, ' Gineral, I think its a nasty mean action — and a rascally one too,' says I. ' Well,' says he, ' that's enuff,' — and then we writ the letter, — its jest like Zekel Bigelow's speech — it cuts, shaves, and makes the hair fly — and if it dont bring the money, I'm mistaken. MAJOR JACK DOWSING. 165 If Mr. Livingston had stayd one week longer in York, the gineral was for sendin me right out. The most curious part of ' the government' here, is to manage the office seekers. You see, things aint now as they was afore Mr. Van Buren's time, then it was kinder divided around among the departments. The post-muster gineral appointed all the post-mas- ters and their folks. The secretary of the treasury ap- pointed all the folks in the custom-houses, and all folks who collected money. These two had an everlastih batch of fellers to appint, and made them feel pretty considerable big, and then the war secretary had a good slice in appointing the cadets, and Ingen agents, and all the contracts was kinder silted round among the departments ; and so by the time a new president was to be made, some of these secretaries was a leetle big- ger than the. president himself. Now this is the way they kinder jockied Mr. Adams, who got to be the smallest man at Washington, by lettin other folks plant his corn, and do his buskin ; and afore he knowd it, his own field was all in weeds — and theirs well howed, rich and clean as a whistle. But things aint so now, w've got ony one crib, and that's a whapping one too, and ony one door to it ; and when we shell out our corn, we take good care and k ow well who gets 't, and where he is going to plant it ; and that aint all — we make 'em agree about the Huskin Frolic,* for that's the best ont arter all. The longer I am in « the government' the more I lam. But I must allow that of all the inventions I've hearn on of Mr. Van Buren's, this is about the slickest. There is ony one thing wantin, and that he is tryin for prtvtty hard — and that is the bank. If he can ony get that in th>s crib too, Virginy fences would n't stop our cattle. uny think what an everlastin raft of fellows we * The major, we presume, means the elections, or Hustings, by this metaphor. 166 LETTERS OF should have — all the presidents and cashiers, and clerks, and money counters, about the crib, from Downingville to New Orleans ! — and that aint the best ont ', we would have a branch alongside every post- office to keep our postages safe. I should like this well enuf I was sartin I and the gineral and Mr. Van Buren was to be here all the while, to keep a good look out on the crib door. But the gineral talks of going hum to put the Hermitage to rights ; and I am in the notion that congress is a leetle too strong for « the government' when the gineral aint in it — and I shall go with him. I am eny most fag'd out myself, and I begin to think with the gineral, I have done enuf for the country. We are lookin for Amos Kindle now every hour. He writ the gineral tother day, and teld him my 'Bank Report' warn't true, and that I must have got a loan of Squire Biddle. Now that's jist the way with some folks. What they dont know they guess at ; and it's jest so with old Miss Crane, who keeps the tavern this .side Downingville — jist as sure as any one goes by without stopping, the old critur says, ' There goes so and so, and has got no money, too, and he knows I would n't trust him.' Howsumever, no one can make the gineral rathy with me. He knows I am the best friend about him ; whenever they gets things in any kind of a twist or a snarl, says he, ' Major, do you unravel that, I 'm the big wheel and you are the smasher,' says he ; and then we jist give Peleg Bissel's churn a turn or two and all is right. You don't print my letters right — you git some words wrong and spell 'em bad. Jist so the printers sarved the gineral's letters too ; and folks thought he didn't know nothin, till we got to Cambridge, where they made a doctor on him. Your friend, J. DOWNING, Major, Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 167 LETTER LXIV. Preparation of the Message. Washington, 2d Nov. 1833. To my old friend, Mr, Dvvight, of the New York Daily Ad- vertiser. The Congressmen are jest beginnin to arrive here, and I suppose in a short time we shall have them here as thick as huckleberries; and the Gineral is brushiu round now, and says the Message must be finished and painted offhand, and we are all as busy as bees in gittin it dove tailed together; and after next week, the Gineral says, there cant be any more alterations. It is the first message I ever had any hand in; and tho' I say it, I guess you wdl say it is about as complete a thing as ever was sent express any where. I have been to work on it ever since we was at the Rip-Raps; and tho' it has been sometimes all pulled to bits, to git in some notions we did n't think on, yet it will look pritty slick, I tell you when it's done; and we will lay on paint enuf to kiver up all the cracks and seams. We shall give a pritty good lick at the Bank, and won't leave as much on 't standing as would make a good sized oven. It is curius now to see how easy it is to build up, or nock all to bits, any thing on paper. Now jest see about the Bank. There it stands in Chest- nut street, with its hundred cord of specie, and its cart load of books; and its branches here and there, and all busy and full of clarks, and directors, and folks in Europe, and all about creation dealin with it; and the brokers in Wall street all busy about it; and Biddle's bills goin about, and most folks thinkin they are better than hard dollars; and all the old men and women holdin the stock, supposin it will go up agin as high as they paid for it; and I and the Gineral, and Amos Kindle, 168 LETTERS OF and Mr. Van Buren, talkin over it; and one line in the Message nocks it alt into kindlin wood. For you see wnen 'The Government' says a thing must be jest so! there is no help for it. We can't stand to chat about trifles. The Gineral has smashed three pipes the last tht, of the New York Daily Advertiser. My last letter tell'd you that the Message I had been to work on for some time was jest fin- ished — but the very next day we had to take it all to bits, and spring to and write enynvjst the hull of a new one, for we found we had gone too much into particulars, especially about the counts; and letters from Mr. Van Buren, advised us to say as little about such matters as possible, for Congress would only make us tell pretty much the hull on't over agin — and the best way was to say little at first, and trust to luck and chance after- wards. As soon as the Gineral came to know of this, says he, 'Major you must look out and keep in that latin about the Bank any how.' So we kept, that in, but it was plagy troublesome to make it work well with the rest on't, for when you come to make English on't, it reads that frhe Gineral would have taken the Bank by the throat right off, if lie thought he could make that latin pill operate afore the charters expire — and then agin he says the Bank does wrong in bringing its business to a close so rapidly as it is now doing. There is one thing however that's true enuf, for seein that Judge Marshall is a stubborn know nothinkind of critur, and would have a finger in givin the Bank that pill the Gin- eral speaks of it in latin, I don't believe it would have operated before the charter expired, if it had 40 years P 2 174 LETTERS OF more to run — so there is more wit and cunnin in what the Gineral says than folks think for. There was another thing puzzled us tu a trifle about the Bank. Last year when we thought it had no rale chink in it, the Gineral thought best to take the depos- ites away from it, but since [ tell'd the Gineral in my Bank report there was more than ahund red cords of the rale grit, we had to say in the Message they had too much The post office accounts was the next bother; and that p'lzzled all on us peskily. But we got round that by very lucky discovery; and you see by the Message there has been an error in keepin the counts in the post office ever since General Washington's time, and every post master Gineral, up to Major Barry's time, never found it out; and it was so curious that he took nigh upon five years to git at it. But its all clear now, for lie is an amazin shark fellow at siferin. We struck out all about the grand toiver, for Clay has been over the same around, and Mr. Van Buren thought it was best to say nothin about it. And it was thought best too to say nothin about the Nullificrs, for some of Mr. Van Buren's friend's in Georgia headid by Crawford are get- tin up nullification there, worse than Calhoun's last winter; and it maks all the difference in the world when you come to see that ones own friends are doin what our enemies did afore. As soon as we sent the Message to Congress, we set about gittin up a supper for all our folks who had been to work out, and we had a grand time, all our Majors was there. The Gineral was so beat out, he didn't stay long; but some on 'em kept it up all nigh day light. We had some rale good songs tu; and one k of our Majors i&a p'agy sharp singer. I got a copy of one on 'em; but \ haint got time now to send you the hull on on't, so I'll jest give you 3 verses only. Come comrades one and al] Here assembled in the hail Let us sing of times past, present and to come ; MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 175 We have everything at stake, And our fortunes yet to make, And the public good is now-a-days " a hum." Times past have all gone by And old laws are " all my eye" The present and th^,fulure we are sure in When the Gineral's time is up, We'll fill again the cup, And drink to Amos Kindle and Van Buren. We have no one to thank For a discount at the Bank, Since we've got the public money from Nick Biddle And as we alone have ernt it We'll use it as we want it Security is now all fiddle diddle. I wish .you would tell folks to stop callin me Jack Downing — twas well enuf when I wasnt quite as much up in the world as I now be, and it was jest so with Mr. Van Buren — folks would keep callin him " Mat;'' but it warnt right, anil it aint good manners nuther. And there is another thing I dont like; but I dontcare so much about it (for 1 aint asham'd of any letter I ever did write) and that is printin in a Book all the Letters I fir, t writ, and mixing up other Letters and Sam Patch, and callin some of my Letters to you coun- terfits. As soon as i get the Gineral threw this Con- gress, I'll turn tu and get my Letters all together that I wrt to you, beginnin with the grand tow' r. Major Earl is drawn my likeness, and the Gineral's and Mr. Van Buren's and the most of our folks for me. He is a master hand at it; and Zekil Bigelow tells me if I'll give him the copyright, he'll new shingle our old barn for nothin. How comes on your book about the Hart- ford convention? The Gineral wants vou to send him 1 76 LETTERS OF a copy on't as soon as it is done — he wants to see how nigh Yankee Nullification comes to Nullification now- a-days. Yours, &c J. DOWNING, Major, Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. LETTER LXVII. The Major's conversation ivith the President on the sub- ject of the Bank, the currency, his cabinet, the pro- clamation, Messrs. Clay, Taney, and other matters . Washington, Dec. 14, 1833. To my old friend, Mr. Dwight of the New York Daily- Advertiser. We have got business enuf now on our hands, I tell you ; and nigh upon every day we have a squall that brings all hands to the helm. We have had fair wind so long, that few on us know exactly how to steer now a days, when every wind comes right in our teeth. I hain't had my coat oft" since congress met ; and the gineral says we must watch them fellows closely. "Keep a sharplook out, Major," says he, "on Clay — he is-a bold, independent fellow, and will speak out his notions if the devil stands at the door ; and if he hail the people with him," says the gineral, "as I have, there is no tellin what trouble he would give us; make as good a gineral as ever was. But it will never do to trust that man with power.'' " Very well," says I, M gine- ral — but plague on't," says I, " the critur some how keeps law on his side all the while." "That's true enuf," says the gineral, " and therefore we must keep a sharper eye on him, and the time is come, now Ma- MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 177 jor, when we must all on us try our popularity — for when the law is agin us, we shan't have nothin else to stand on. There is nothin," says the gineral, "like war times, Major — for then, when those troublesome fellows talk about law, I' give 'em Martial Law, and that makes short work ont." Just ater breakfast yesterday, I and the gineral had a high time together. I had been expectin every day to see the bank come out with a reply ; and I tell'd the gineral, says I, < Gineral, I'm afraid we'll git a stumper from Philadelphy one of these days, that will nock us all into kindlin wood. But he kept sayin there was no fear of that. ' Why,' says he, * Major you forgit that we first give the bank a most mortal weltin 3 years ago and left em no other defence than to print reports, and speeches ; and that show'd they hadn't much spunk : , and we have been criplin on em ever since. And when I see they began to stagger, I give em our hull battery, and opened upon em in Hank, front, and rear our sharp shooters headed by that amazin cute little district at- torney open'd first on em. Then come my proclama- tion — and then my message — and then Mr. Tany's report — and the globe all the while throwin shells and rockets. '"Why' says the gineral — gittin up and taken his hickory, and givin it a whack on the floor— ' it the bank stands all that racket, Major, its tuffer than a pepperage log. "No, no Major," says the gineral, " don't you fear th-t the bank will ever say a word in reply — it's as dead now," says the gineral, " as askin'd racoon." And the words want out of his mouth, afore in come a hull bundle of letters and newspapers, and the first thing I see among 'em was the " Bank reply." ; ' Now," says I, "gineral, here's trouble! — here's the very thing," says I, " I've been afraid of all the while." The gineral laft a spell j and says he, " Major, suppose you and I now jist take a bout, and you'll see how easy I can nock that reply into nothin." " Well," says I, " Gineral," its a bargain — " Now," says I, let us sit down, and you may take, says I, the globe or our dis- 178 LETTERS OF trict attorney's report, or your proclamation, or your message, or iMr. Fany's report — ary one on em, — or, says I, come to think on't, you may take 'em all toge- ther, — for they are pretty much all one — and I'll take this ' Bank reply,' and then let's see what kind of a fight it will turn out. « Well,' says the gineral, ' you are a man of spunk, Major, and 1 like you for it : if I make a prisoner on you, I'll treat you like a brave sol- dier.' ' And so will I you, Gineral,' says I, ' and if you fall in the fight,' says I, 'Gineral, I'll bury you,' says I, * with the honors of war, and then we shook hands. Now, Major, says the gineral, as I am to begin the fight, don't you tire till I tire, " and then we'll go threw, shot by shot." Well, says I, "I want to know first, if I have a right to lire back your shot, if they miss me, and I can pick em up?" "O, yes," says the gineral, " that's fair in war. Use the enemy's fehot 8nd shells, and guns too, if you can, Major — that's the true art of war." The" gineral all the while kept fixing his papers all in a string on one side the tabic- He put his own messages and proclamation in the middle, and flank'd oft' with our district attorney and Mr. Tany's reports ; and then he sifted the Globe about, and called them scouts and foragers — '« There," says he, " Major, I am now near- ly ready ; and he took off' his specks, and gin cm a good rubbin, and put em on again- "Now, Major," says he, " take your station." And I went round tother side, and sat down. «* Are you ready," says the gine- ral ? " All ready," says I — and at it we went. The gineral, he open'd his fire first, as agreed, and he tir'd away from his first message — And then his 2d — then he took the Globe, and then the reports, — and he blaz'd away like all wrath, for an hour ; and as soon as he stop'd to take breath. "Now," says I, " its my time,'' — and I read the reply a spell, and answered all he said in three minits. And I gin him a look! The gineral twisted his face most shockin, and scratched his head too. But he went at it agin as spunky as ever ; for h« MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 179 is an amazin tuff critur in a fight, and hangs on like a snappin turtle when he gits hold. He banged away a spell agin like all natar ; and jest as he took his specs off to give em a rub, 1 gin him the reply agin. The gineral gin his face another plagy hard rumple ; and I sat waitin for him to fire agin. Says he, " Major, that's a sharp piece you are firin with there.'' " It's a peeler," says I, " Gineral, I tell you — but you haW got the best on't yet — it's gettin warm," says I. " Major," says the gineral, " suppose we change bat- teries — let me take that reply, and you take all these documents. I like to fight," says t.e gineral, "when there is ten to one agin me." " So do I," says I, " Gi- neral, and so we'd better fight it out as we sit." The gineral looked a spell at his paper again ; and says he, " Major, I reckon we had bette»- have a truce." "Not now," says I, " I've got my hand in now, and want to see the fightV)ut." " Well," says the gineral", "you see Major what comes when any one attempts to drive the executive ;" and with that he got up, and took off his specks, and put em in his pocket, and put on his hat, and took his hickory, and fetched a whack on the table, — "Veto," says he, "that's enuff," says I, " Gineral." < And now,' says the Gineral, let's go and take a walk — and so we went. The Gineral didn't say nothin for more than a mile, and I nother. 'So, to rights,' says he, 'Major, every body says Money is very scarce.' •That's true enuf,' says I, 'and it's not got as scarce as it will be afore winter is over,' — and then I tell'dthe Gineral the cause on't. 'Well,' says the Gineral, 'I believe you are right; and if the worst comes to the worst,' says he, 'we'll have a new bank, and that will make money plenty agin, wont it?' — 'Yes,' says I, 'I suppose so; but we can't git a new bank, Gineral, fore this ones time is out, and that's nigh three years yet; and long afore that time,' says I, 'there will be trouble enuf, as this one must all the while be collectin in its own money; and folks will fail, and be bankrupt; and 180 LETTERS OF then twenty new banks will do no good.' 'I don't see that,' says the Gineral. 'If we could make a new bank now,' says I, 'right off', and let it take up the business of the old one, it wouldn't make much odds. But the law wont allow that, you know, Gineral.' And just then the Gineral got in a way he has of twitchin with his suspender buttons behind; and to rights he broke one oft". — 'There,' says he, 'Major, here is this confounded button oil' again.' 'Well,' says I, that's a small matter — here is a tailor's shop, — let's go in and make him put it on — and so in we went. The tailor happened to be one of our party, and was tickled to death to see the President, and thought he was goin to git an office right off, and was plagily cut down when he come to find it was ony a button oft'; and so he jumped back on his board, and sat down on his heels agin, and said if the Gineral would take oft' his pantaloons he'd put it on in a few minutes. I looked at the Gineral, and he looked at me — and we both looked at the tailor. 'Why,' says the Gineral, 'this is the worst thing, Major, 1 ever met — I'm stump'd completely! It will neverdo to risk walking home with this button off; for if 'tother one cumes oft", it's all over with me; and I sit here without my pantaloons till that fellow puts on a button, I'll kitch my death of cold! look here Major, says the Gineral, that other button is takin all the strain, and it will come off" in less than five minutes — what is to be done? It seems to me Major, said the Gineral, 'that no man is placed so often in such real trouble as I am' — 'yes,' says I, 'Gineral, but its fortunate for you, you always have me with you.' *I know it, Major,' says he, 'and I hope you will be as true a friend now as ever you have been — and with that says I to the tailor, 'can't you fix things now, so as to get over all this trouble?' 'There is only one way,' says the tailor, 'and that I've stated, and another thing,' says he, 'the Gineral wants a new pair.' 'You rascal,' says the Gineral, 'you can't make a better pair, and one that fits me better, if you try a month — these panta- MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 181 loons, said the Gineral, are better than a new pair; and if they only had new buttons here they would last me to my dying day. — It takes me weeks and months to git a pair to sit easy. I wont have a new pair,' says the Ginerai, 'that I'm determin'd on.' 'I see,' says the Gineral, 'what you are after — you want a new job.' 'Well,' says I, 'Gineral, let me try — and with that I wax'd a thread, and got a new button; and whilst the Gineral stood up, I sot down behind him, and stitched on the button in 3 minits — the Gineral all the while shakin his hickory at the tailor, and tellin him that he had no more brains in his head than he had in his thim- ble. 'You are a pretty fellow to belong to my partv,' says he; 'I should have been soon in a pritty condition, if I had taken your advice,' says the Gineral.' Let me ever ketch you at the White House agin.' So to rights, the tailor got mad too, and said he did'nt belong to the Gineral's party — he was a Tany-Kindle-Van- Buren-Jackson-man; he knew which side his bread was butter'd, and I looked plagy knowin too — it was jest as much as I could do to keep the Gineral from smashin him — so says I, 'come, Gineral, let's be movin; and we went home — the Gineral all the while talkin about his escape from an awful state, that tailor was about getting him in. 'Well,' says I, 'Gineral, little things sometimes give us a kink, and a notion of bigger ones; and now, 'says I, 'do you know. Gineral, we are in a scrape now pretty much like that one we jest got out on.' 'How so?' says the Gineral. 'Why,' says I, 'the Bank — there it is,' says I, 'jest like your pantaloons, better than new;— and only wants a new button; and some of these tailors about us here want us to set shiverin and shakin, and runnin the risk of gettin a rheumatiz that will last us our lives, jest for them to get the jcb of makin a new one.' _^\nd now,' says I, 'I guess you and I had better disappoint 'em, as we did the tailor jest now, stitch on Q 182 LETTERS OF a new button, and things will all go smooth agin.' — The Gineral did'nt say a word; but he got thinkin piagey hard, till we got home agin, and he got his pipe, and I got mine, and just as we were lighten em, says he, 'Major, there are some fellows about us here that pester me most desperately — we must all go as a 'Unit,' or I must blow 'em all up and get a new set. 'Well think of it,' said the Gineral, and with that* we cock'd our feet on the mantle tree, and in less tha'n five minits you could'nt see no more on us than our toes. Your Friend, J. DOWNING, Major. Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. LETTER LXVIII. The Major and the President again holds an important conversation on the afjairs of the nation and /loa- things should be conducted. The President calls the cabinet together, and the Major prepares a paper to to read to it which he afterwards has printed for the good of the nation. To my old friend Mr. Dwight of the New York Daily Ad- vertiser. You know I've ben tellin you long about my fears of many troubles — well it's bad enuf — and is goin to be worse yet or I know nothin. And the Gineral is begin- nin to think so too. All our folks about us here dont feel it for they have all got fat offices — but I know the people feel it who haint got fat offices — and until they will speak up, things will go worse and worse — everv letter I get is full of trouble and distress — and I tell'd the Gineral tother day, says 1, Gineral we must look into this matter now I tell you — why says he Major the MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 183 government aint to blame — every man about me says it aint his fault. Well, says I, someone did it I'm cer- tain — things went smooth enuf, says I, till we got dab- lin and medlin in money matters and the Bivik, and now its all heads and points, and when we say it aint our fault, says I, its pretty much like a man puttin a pole over a fence or. a swivel — and after pull in one end round with a jerk, if he knocks over a dozen folks with the other end says it aint his fault — now its pretty mujh jist so with the Bank, says I, and if you can't see it, all I can say is, I can. Well Major, says the Gineral, something must be done any how, for I begin to think that politics and money matters dont always work together. I'll call all our # folks together, says the Gineral, and we'll have a full cabinet and look into this matter, and do you Major prepare yourself, for I'm goin to turn over a new leal, that I'm determined on — and with that he is- sued orders for every man to be at the Cabinet Chamber the next day just after breakfast — and I went to work puttin down all my notions in writin, for I expected a rough time and a pretty sharp set of fellows to beat off", and thinks I as it is the fashion now-a-days to read pa- pers to the Cabinet, I'll give 'em one that will be worth readin, and I guess it will be the last one that the Sen- ate will ask an official copy of in one while. It took nigh upon all night to write it out — and I sprung to it, for I think the time is come to let some folks see they haint got a green horn to outwit when they try me. And so the Gineral had 'em all up in the Cabinet Chamber yesterday, and such an overhawlin I never see — I sat all the while with one foot on the table, whit- lin a piece of shingle — and the Gineral was walkin round among 'em, tellin about the troubles in money all about the country, and asking how we are to get out of the scrape — I kept an eye on most all on 'em, and both ears on pretty much the hull on 'em, and.such a winzin and tangle I never see since the day all Downingville cum over to the Jackson side, and that was jist arter his 184 LETTERS OF election — They thought I was determin'd the first go oft" to say nothin — And to rights I heard one chap jist behind me tell the Gineral *» there was one Major in the Cabinet who made pretty much all the trouble, and that he was writin letters that went all the while agin the rest on 'em — and if it warn't for him they could make the people believe, just what they wanted — that it was his fault that the Cabinet was obliged to shift their ground about the Bank and cross tracks every daj\ If it had 'nt been for him the deposites would have been removed because there warn't no ' Safety Fund' in the Bank, and the People been contented — and if it warn' for him the government could make the people believe that Biddle was the sole cause of their bein no money now-a-days," and so on. I jest stop'd whitlin a minit and cast my eye over my left sholder, and the fellow dodg'd behind the Gineral in a flash, and when I look'd round the ring I found pretty much the hull on em look- in at me and there warn't a word said. And to rights the Gineral he walk'd up to me and stop'd right in front and look'd me strait in the face, says he, Major you've hearn a 1 that is said — and 1 should like to know what you have to say in reply — no man shall leave this room says the Gineral till this trouble is cleared up — ' Major' says the Gineral (and his lip began to quiver I tell you) Major, says he, it would take a good many men to convince me that you aint what I have always found you — an honest man and a true patriot — some folks about us have bin whisper- in in my ear for a long while that you aint what I think you are — but Major^ays the Gineral — I am a soldier and so are you — and we are now all face to face — no more whisperin says the Gineral, and he gave his hickory a v. hack on the floor and look'd round the hull ring — The country is in a trouble says he, and the time is come for every honest man to speak out — if there is error let it be corrected — if there is trick we must expose it — and now Major says the Gineral, do you set still — and if any man has any thing to say agin MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 185 you let him speak out. When they are all done — you can answer them — and with that the Gineral pull'd his own chair up to the other side of the table and laid his hickory and hat down before him, and all our folks be- gan to nock noses in little groups here and there, and one 'em, no matter who, was as busy as a lap dog on a tranin day, smelling round from one to another to find the right man to speak first — but none on 'em seem'd to like it. — The Gineral all the while sat blinkin and lookin round at 'em all, and rumplin his face once and a while most plagily. So to rights, this one of 'em come forward and bow'd, and says he, Gineral, that " our sufferings is intolera- ble," there is little doubt; and the question is not how we got into our present condition, but. how we can best git out of it. I believe, says he, (turnin with a bow to everybody — for he is an amazin polite cratur,) that is the true and only point now for discussing. "Not ex- actly, says I, but no matter." " Well, says he, as re- gards the Major, far be it from me to make any charge against him; he is decidedly the favorite of the people, and should be the favorite of every man in office who wishes to keep his office; but I would say, that I wish the Major had a higher office. I wish he was an audi- tor of accounts — or a receiver of public money — or a minister abroad — or an Ingin agent, or anv other office in the government; but as he is now — there is no get- ting hold of either end ot him; we can't elevate him, which I sincerely desire — we can't put him down, which no man desires. There are things inall govern- ments — and in this in particular, that requires cookin up before the should be served with it; but the Major hands the dishes over to the people raw and uncook'd, and lets every man dress his own dinner — this is not right. And then, again, he is an enemy to party, and thinks that politicians shouldn't meddle in money matters, when we all know that none of us would now be here without office, and that office aint worth a fig without Q 2 186 LETTERS OF money i and so it comes to this — we've got a party, and a good strong one; and that party must keep all the offices, and the control of all the money; for, without money, the offices wont be good for nothin — and, with- out offices the party will be all scattered: look at my own state, see how things work there; and just so they would hero. We must have the Bank — we can't do anything without it. It is all good enough enough if we could get Biddle and his friends out of it — but see- in we have tried that and can't succeed, this must go down, and then we'll have a new one after our own fashin — unfortunately, some will suffer — because this one must, I suppose, collect its debts and wind up — but what is the sufferings of a few in trade, compar'd to the breaking up of & political party, now all hitched together, think of us all going back again to practice law — and you, Mr. Auditor, to keeping a school — and you, Mr. Secretary,- to keeping a shop — and you to ploughing — and you to plantin corn, and you to digging potatoes — and you to printin newspapers. — " And you, Major," says he, " what would become of you?" I began to crawl all over, and was just goin to say something, but I thought I wouldn't tell he got through; and he reeled it oft' for more than an hour pretty much in the same way about things in general, and Major Downing in particular — and as soon as he stopt, I got up and says I, has any body got nothin more to say? No one said a word. Says I, is all that is said put in writinr — for then there will be no mistake; no turnin corners; no dodgin afterwards. " O no," says he, " there is no necessity to put any thing in writin of this nature — that ain't my way," says he. " I have always said I don't like to get into the newspapers." " Well," says I, "that's just where we ditt'er — what I'am goin to say now, say I, is all in my pocket in black and white — and with the Gineral's permission, says I, I '11 read it to the members of the Cabinet, and then I'll git it printed, and then all on you can read it, and every man shall have a copy on't except Clay and the rest of MAJOR JACK DOWING. 1ST the Senate — for tho' the law says they are a part of the government, they ain't got no business with any paper read to the Cabinet — ain't that law, says I, Gineral?" The Gineral nodded his head, and that was enuf; and says he, "Major, do you read that paper; I know you well enuf to know it will be an honest view of things, and T don't care whose toes you tread on. I have no interest in these matters farther than to do my duty — if any fellows have misled me, I advise 'em to keep an eye on my hickory." And then I took out my papers from my pocket and went at it; and I didn't mince matters I tell you. The Gineral sat restin his elbows on the table with his chin in both hands and lookin straight in my face the hull time, ony cnce in a while he'd take his hickory and whack it on the table when any one muttered and whis- pered; and as soon as I got to the end on't, then come a buz and a maxin; and the Gineral got up and fetched another whack on the table with his hickory, enuf to loosen ones eye teeth. Now, says the Gineral, I've hearn both sides, and the people will shortly hear it too. If they say the Major is right, I wont oppose them any longer; if they say the Major is wrong, then we'll go on as we now go, and now, says he, Major, git that paper printed, and the only favor I ask of you is not to sent an official copy out to the Senate if they ask one; — and with that, I and the Gineral bowed off the Cabinet, arid the Ma- jors, and the rest of the government; and we turned to readin letters from all quarters, all full of money trou- bles and distress, enuf to give one the cholera morbus; for as I said afore one is just about as bad as t'other. I'll send you to-morrow or next day, the paper I read to the Cabinet, and the rest of the government, for you to print It's too long for this letter, and you can ask Zekel Bigelow, if he haint stop'd payment, to pay for the expense of printen on't, and tell him for me if his head is above water, its more than can be said of most folks — and he better hold on to all he's got, and ride 188 LETTERS OF out the storm if he can. His last letters to me say things are shockin bad in Wall street, but the worst there aint as bad as things are away West and South, and they will be worse yet, if the people don't decide pretty soon, as the Gineral says, whether I am right or wrong. — Kor its the people's business now, and the Gineral is waiten for 'em. YourTriend, J. DOWNING, Major, Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. LETTER LXIX. MAJOR DOWNING'S OFFICIAL COMMUNI- CATION TO THE CABINET. Read to the Cabinet, and majors, auditors, and under- secretaries, and sub-postmasters, and the rest of the Government, on 26//t day of December, A. D. 1P39 — and printed for the use of all the citizens from Downtpgville to New Orleans, along the sea coast, and v$ Ibk Missippi and Missouri, and so down the Lake's, 'and across by the Erie Canal to Albany, and along by the midderout o>:er New Jersey, Pensylvany, and Maryland, to Jfashington — and away agin to all parts of creation, and to every body. Gineral — and Gentlemen of the Cabinet, and the rest on you here present, composin the Government — I speak to you as a man standin right between you and the people — what I am goin to say aint calculated to make any on you change your opinion, so much as to make you know mine — you have pretty much all on you MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 189 had your turn, and now comes my turn — if any thing I say has sharp corners and scrapes the skin a leetle, it is because I haint had time to file the edges smooth. I'll give you my notions pretty much as you ged bread from the Bakers, and leave you to slice it or chunk it as best suits you; and pvery man can butter his own slice just to please his fancy— that aint my business so much as it is hisn. We are met here not only to fix on some plan to get the country out of trouble, but to see how it got into trouble; and I am goin to say a little on both pints. When a chimbley smokes at the rong eend with the wind at the north east, some folks may content them- selves withopenin windows and doors, to let the smoke out, but my notion is that the safest plan is to see into the cause on't, and correct it — so that the chimbley will only smoke at the right eend, let the wind blow any way. Now there is a few things we must look into a little, and then we will know more about em, and I am goin to examine — What kind of a critur the bank of the United States raly is. Whether its nature is to do good or evil to the coun- try, and then wind up with ' Matters and things in general. Twenty years ago the country was in trouble, and fill'd up with all kinds of bank paper — nigh upon as bad as old Continental — and a good deal was a little worse. If any body aint old enuf to remember that time, and wants to see what kind of money I mean, let him go to the Treasury, and Mr. Taney can show him nigh a million and a hali of dollars, not worth the cost of the paper and ink used Svery year in ma-kin a report oirt — but this is ony a drop compar'd to what would be now there of the same kind of stuff if it had'nt been for the Bank of the United States. All our wise- folks of that day said we must have a Bank of the United States, and a good big one. One strong enuf to do the 190 LETTERS OF work well, and to clear out all this trash — and so this Bank was made, and the first thing was, as there was a very little rale money in the country, the Bank, went and bo't a good jag on't in Europe, and went to work here clearin away jest as we do our fields in the Spring. It was a pretty dirty job to do so I tell you, and the Bank did'nt get through with it without scratchin and smuttin its fingers pretty considerable; and that warn't the Worst on't lor the Bank. The Government made the Bank agree to pay fifteen hundred thousand dollars for the privilege of doing this work, and made it agree to take care of the people's money in all parts of the country, and to pay it here and there wherever the Government told 'em to pay all the pensions, and to do every thing in the money way without chargin any- thing for it to the Government. This was apre'ty tuff bargain for the Bank — for all it got in return was to have the keepin ot the money, and when the Govern- ment did'nt want it the Bank might lend it out. It took a good many years afore the Bank got things to work smooth. It was like a whappin big waggon that wanted a good many horses to drag it, and as it had a valuable freight in it, it wanted none but the best kind of horses — real Conestogas — and it warnt every one who knew how to drive such a team. The owners of this waggon found that out — for some of the first that they got came plagy nigh oversetting it. So to rights they got Squire Biddle. I suppose they thought that seein that the folks in Pennsylvany have the best and strongest horses and the biggest waggons, they ought to know best how to guide 'em. Well, they made a pretty good guess that time — for ever since they told the Squire to take the lines, they haint lost a linchpin or broke a strap; and there warnt no complaints made agin him by the folks on the road, or the country. All the other waggoners liked the Squire amazingly, he was always ready to give 'em a lift when he found them in the mud, and whenever they got short of pro- MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 191 vender, the Squire never refused to turn out some of his to keep their horses from suffering. Every thing was goin on better and better, and every body said at home and abroad there warnt such a team in all crea- tion. Well, about four years ago we began to pick a quarrel with the Squire, and its been goin on every year pretty much after this fashion. The first go off some of our folks wanted the Squire to change some of his leadin horses — they said the breed warnt right — he ought to put on the lead some Albany trotters — that they were the best horses on the lead he could have. The Squire did'nt like to change- — he said the horses he had, knew the road as well as he did, and they would'nt bolt nor kick up, and when they came to up hill work he could depend on 'em. Then again our folks wanted the Squire to change harness — they said they had new patent collars, and a horse could pull as much agin with 'em as with the old fashion'd collars. Well the Squire didn't like that notion nother. So to the rights they told the Squire he must give up the lines — well that he wouldn't do he said, without orders from the owners of the teams — they had appointed him, and so long as they kept him there, he would go along and do his duty, jest he had done — and it warnt right to keep stoppin him everyday on the road, and trying to make him try new plans. And with that, all our folks made a regular battle on the squire — some took away out of his waggon a part of the bags and boxes, and divided it round among the drivers of others waggons, who was mixin in the scuf- fle too, and away they crack'd off with it. Some undertook to cut the squire's traces, they thought they was only leather and rope traces; but the squire was too deep for 'em, for his traces was all chains kivered with leather, and so they spilt their jack-nives. Some went on a-head and rolled stones in the road, and dug deep holes, and tried all they could to make the square upset, and threw stones and mud at him and his horses, but the squire kept on his horses didn't flinch, and as I 192 LETTERS OF they hail drag'd the big waggon over worse roads in the day, they went along without accident. Well now it turns out that all the waggons that drove oft' so with a part of the squire's load are in trouble, for the first piece of muddy road, they all stuck fast, and there they are now. One wants the other to give him a pull and a lift; but they say they all want lifting — the squire has just come up with 'ein, and now they want him to hitch on to 'em and drag 'email out together; but he says that's impossible, the most he can do is to take back the load they took from his waggon, and then perhaps they can git out of the mud; but it is more than his team can do, and he wont run the risk of breakin his harness or injure his horses to drag 'em all out together. Well now that's just about the condition of things, and the longer they remain so, the worse it. will be— the longer horses and waggons stand knee and hub deep in mud, the less able they'll be to git out on't. And I'll leave 'em there a spell, and we'll take a look into the natur of the Bank, and what it really is, for to hear some folks about it, one would think it was a most shocking monster, and that it was pretty much nothin else but squire Biddle, when it is uo more the squire than that big waggon is, not a grain more. Look at this long list of names ; well these are the owners of the Bank — here we see in the first place the nation owns one-fifth, and the rest is scattered round, as you see here, among an everlastin batch of folks all about this country, and some in fprin countries; and I am glad to see on the list here old widows and old men, and trustees of children, who haintgot no parents livin and all our own people, they put their mony in the stock of this Bank for his safe keeping — not to speculate — and just so with the innocent foreigners, and the best on't is they have paid our folks a pretty high premium fur every dollar on't — well these are folks then that compose the Bank. Now what do they want this Bank managed? — the business of the Bank is to loan money, and is jest for MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 193 all the world like any rich man whose business is to loan out his money ; is it his interest to dabble in poli- tics or to let politicians dabble with him? not an atom on't. I never knew one of jour rale politicians who ever could pay his debts, and they aint the kind of folks, people like to deal with any who may have got money to loan; they know that talking politics, and gettin things into snarls jest to answer party purposes aint the way to pay interest nor principal nother, and politi- cians in a Bank are the worst folks in the world for the owners of the Bank, for the most on 'em haunt got mony of their own to lend, but they are plagy ready to loan other folks' money to brother politicians of the same party. No no, a man who has got his mony loan'd out (and its jest so with a Bank) want to see every body busy and industrious and mind their business and increase their property, for then they will be able to pay inter- est and principal too: they dont like to see things all mixed up with politics and people quarrellin and dis- putin, and when they do, they git the money back in their pockets agin as soon as they can, for they know that politics aint profitable business. Then it comes to this, that if the Bank is what I have said it is (and its nothin else,) it aint such a monster as some folks try to make us think it is, instead of being a dangerous monster. I see and I know every body else must see, who dont squint at it, but looks it strait in the face,: that its natur is jest like the natur of any man who has got property in the country, and that is to have every thing go on in harmony and with in- dustry and honesty and accordin to law; no jangles and tangles and talkin politics in porterhouses and bar rooms, hurrain for this man, and pulling down that man; that kind of work dont clear up new lands nor plough up old ones, it dont keep the hammer goin,and the wheels turnin; and dont pay interest nor principal nother. R 194 LETTERS OF But some on you say the bank has too much power- ami that Squire Biddle might do a good deal of mis- chief if he would. Well, there is my old friend. Capt. Elihu S. Bunker, of the steam-boat President, runnin betwixt New York and Providence — he's got about sich another monster — there is no tellin what a ''dangerous monopoly" of power that crittur got in that are boat. I was lookin into it when I came on with him a spell ago, and he was showin me how he managed it. If he was to fasten down the kivers of them two mortal big copper kettles he has got in his boat, and blow his bel- lesses a spell, he would smash every thing for more than 50 acres round — Does any body want to know why he don't do it — he has been in a steam-boat as long now as the bank's been goin and haint scalded no body — but he can do it in a minit if he chuses — well I'll tell you why he don't — it aint his interest and he don't own no more of the boat than Squire Biddle does of the bank — the owners of the boat employ him to manage it because they know he understands his business. He knows if he didn't watch over their interest they'd turn him out — and jist so the owners of the bank would sarve Squire Biddle. And that aint all, Captain Bunker knows if he hurts any body with his boat he'd run a chance of hurtin himself too — he knows too that it is the interest of his owners not to have any accidents aboard any boat — for if people git scalded in one steamboat, they'll keep clear of all on 'em — and though some folks think banks aint like steam boats I can tell 'em that in the main thing they are exactly alike — for unless folks have got confidence in 'em and feel safe in 'em they aint worth ownin — but when they all go on and meet no acci- dents, they are pirty good property — and the largest, and strongest, and cleanest, and quietest^ and best managed git the most business. Now I think that's enuf about dangerous monopolies for a spell. Let us now see what the bank is about, and what we *ve been about. Deacon Goodenou — Has been in that bank as one of MA.TOR JACK DOWNING. 195 its directors off and on ever since it was a bank, and I have heard him say 50 times, (and he's a man to be de- pended on) he never heard a word about politics in it till about 4 years ago---and it all came from our sendin every year since that time, some rale politicians to help the other 20 directors to manage the bank— the first go oft', the deacon says, they thought best to keep quiet, and make no stir about it ; for it was pretty much like finding skunks in the cellar— the best way was to let 'em alone, if they'd keep there, and run the chance of their goin out when they found there warn't no eggs to suck— but when they undertook to cum up chamber aud smell about in all the cupboards, it was time to snub 'em — and then came trouble ; and that's jist about the way now ; and the deacon says, and he is about right, that politicians in a bank are jist as bad as skunks in the cellar— there aint one grain of difference. Some on you say we dont want a bank wow—well that may be so---but when I got up this mornin it was plagy chilly till I got my coat on — now I am warm and it may be I dont need a coat — but I think if I take my coat off I'll feel chilly agin— and I am so certing of this I wont make a trial ont. Some on you sav the owners of this bank haint got no right to a recharter— they have had it long enuf— i and its time now to have a new shuffle and cut — wel that aint my notion and I'll tell you why— tho' this bank was chartered for twenty years — it had a good right to believe we would renew its charter if it be haved well and did as duty— jist as a congressman has a right to expect his constituents will send him to con- gress agin if he behaves well— and its a good way to- keep folks strait and make em do their duty—but if we are to knock this bank down and have a new shuffle and cut, then I say that them folks who make money out ot a rise of stock in the new bank, ought to pay the loss that all these old folks and young children will suf- fer by nocking down the old bank—to say nothin about the innocent foreigners who put their money in this 196 LETTERS OF bank: thinkiu it was safe. And let me tell you ano- ther thing-— the longer a bank stands, and the older it o;its, the better folks abroad and at home like it-— peo- ple who have got money to lend don't like changes—- and particularly government changes. Would any on you like to lend folks money in South America ? and do you think any of them governments could make a bank that folks would have any confidence in ? I dont think they could— jist because they keep choppin and changin every year. Will any on you say that it aint a good thing for a country to make folks all about think it is a safe one to lend mony to ? aint good credit worth nothin ? Well, how does any man in trade git credit, and make folks think him safe to trust ? Will he break up his stand every year, and change his business, and try new plans ? I say that aint the way, and no man ever prospered after that fashion ; but when he finds things go well with him, he hang on ; or" else he haint got no wit in him. Now, my notion is, thai none oil us alone can make f'Jks all about creation think weare safe folk?, to trust. Bufc^mron us together can do so ; and that is the rea- son a good big bank can manage this for us. Folks abroad know the bank ; and the bank know us : and so we can manage things through the bank better than we can alone. Some on you say it aint right to pay interest to fo- reigners—that when we git money from foreigners, they keep drainin us of interest. Well, that is all chalk and water. Now I know we have got an everlastin new country to clear up yet ; and if an honest industrious man can git a few hundred dollars lent to him, he can go and buy a good many acres, and clear it up, and sell it to these very foreigners, who are all the while coming out here to settle among us, and they pay fifty times more for it than the land first cost,* and so our folks go on borrowin, and can well afford to pay inte- rest, and find themselves in a few years with money to MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 197 lend too. And as long as this business goes on, I for one am willing to say to foreigners, as the Cape Cod fisherman says to the fish, when he gets on the hook, and is pullin him in — " So long as you hold on one eend, I will t'other." But folks abroad who have mo- ney to lend, don't know our folks who go on new land: and a good many on old land nother. But they know our bank, and our canals, and rail-roads, and we sell 'em the stock, and make 'em pay good premiums too : and our folks can lend their money to our farmers. But if we go on, and nock down this bank when its charter is out, and bring trouble on the country, fo- reigners say, "Aha! there's trouble there!"— back they come with their stock, and git their mony, and keep it; and all our prosperity is nock'd in the head! We charter'd this bank for 20 years ; and so we do canal companies, and rail-road companies; but did we mean when the time was up, to nock 'em all up too, and say we don't want no bank, nor a canal, nor a rail-road ? It aint common honesty to say so ; and I won't shuffle and cut with you after that fa- shion ; for make what I might by a new shuffle, I would be asham'd to look one of these innocent fo- reigners in the face — to say p.othin of this long list of widows, and orfans, and trustees of estates, and old folks, many on em, when they bought the stock at a high premium, I suppose never thought about the charter, or how long it had to run but trusted to the government. And now if you can chizzle them out of their property, as you will by puttin down this bank, jest to git a new shuffle and cut at a new one — without turnin as red as a beet when you meet em, I for one say I can't, and I won't. And now I'm most done — if I have trod on any one's toes, it aint so much my fault as hisen ; for I tread the the strait line, and tread ony on toes that stick out be- yond the line, and that's too often the case with folks now-a-days in offices. I've telled you now pretty much my notions ; and 2 R 198 LETTERS OF I tell you for the last time you have made a mistake", and that's no disgrace to any man unless he tries to stick to it after he knows he 1ms made it. If you don't know how to git the country out of the scrape you've got it in, the people will tell you pretty quick, or I aint no hand at guessin. I have now done my duty. If the people don't do theirn it aint my fault. If they say my notions are right they '11 act on em ; if they say they are wrong, then things will go on as they now go, and I hope they won't git worse— but that I wont pro- mise. If things come to the worst, 1 shall suffer as litt'ie as any on em, for I haintgot no wife and chil- dren to support (and I am sorry for those who have, if things are to go as they now go,) I can cut my fodder pretty much any where. But 1 love my country, every acre on't, and it goes agin my grain to see any part on't suffer. And I know all this suffering comes from party politics— this same party politics that has driv all our wisest and best men out of office : and now to keep together wants to get hold of the big wagon and all 'he money in it. My dander is up, and I best stop now— for the more I think on't, and the moie I write about it, the more wrathy I git. So no more at present, From your fellow citizen,' J. DOWNING, Major, Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade. % 200 LETTERS OF LETTER LXX. The Major carries the axe, sent to him as a present from Carthage, JV. Y. over his shoulder into the Cab- inet lohile the members were in Council, the scam- pering that followed the sight of it, and the result — with a true picture of the scene. To my old friend Mr. Dwight of the New York Daily Ad- vertiser. Washington, 10th January, 1834. The pill I give the Cabinet, and the rest of the Gov- ernment here on the 27th of last month, is jist begin- nin to operate, and I dont think some on 'em will want any more tisik for a good spell to come. Some of our folks make plagy ugly faces at me, but I told 'em that's a sure sign they want tisik, and they'd feel better to rights. It was well I stop'd jist where I did in that Cabinet paper, for my dander was jist liftin; and if I had «one on ten minits longer, I'd hit some on 'em so hard they would'nt swell. But that aint what I want to write you about now. I want to thank them folks up in Carthage, in York State for the ax they made for me, and which they sent to you to send to me. I have jist got it, and it has tickled me eny most to death. I never got such a present afore in my born days. I started right up chamber with it to the Gineral, and bolted strait into the Cabinet room with my ax on my shoulder — the Gin- eral was there with pretty much all our folks overhaul- ing the Post Office accounts, and tryin to git them straite, which is a plagy tuf job; but no matter: in I smash'd but afore I could git out one word, 1 never see such a scamperin. I turned to head some on 'em, jist to tell eirv what I was arter, but it seemed the morel tried, the more they tried to streak it, and in less than one minit there warnt a livin criter left but I and the Gineral; and the Gineral some how got a notion in his MAJOR JACK DOWNING 201 head, and would a gone too, if there warnt no pluck in him. He was standin up with his back agin the man- til tree, and his hickory in his hand, and look'd for all the world as tho' lie was jist expecting a fight. Why, says I. Gineral, what on earth is all this scam- pering for? Well, says he, I reckon you can tell bet- ter than I can ; and with that, he , blink 'd at me most plagily; and says he, what is the news now? Why, says I, there aint nothin new but this ere ax, and f brought it to show you; its a present to me, says [ from Starks & Co., away up in York State, on the Black River. The Gineral changed face in a minit, and it was jist like the sun risin. He step'd up to me and took the ax, and walk'd to his chaii-, and sat down, and throw'd his head back, and ha ftaw'd right out. It does me good, in these times to see the Gineral tickled at any thing. As soon as the Gineral could say any thing, — says he Major call back Tany' and Barry and Amos, and haw, haw. haw, says the Gineral; and jist then, I got the notion why they all scampered oft' so ; and sot down right in front of the Gineral, and we haw hawd'd I tell you, for more than hall" an hour. And so to rights, we got talk in agin, and the Gine- ral he wiped his eye, and blew his nose jist for all the world as tho' he had been cryin; and says he, Major, it aint strange they was a leetle afeard of you,ffor do you know jist as you come in, some on 'em was sayin about the plagy Post OffiS«e accounts. If they did'nt git em strait pretty soon, you would git at 'em and chop em all up into mince meat; and jist then sure enuf in you come, and then haw, haw, haw, says the Gine- ral agin. Well, says he, Major, I'm glad that people about are beginnin to look at you pretty much as I do. I knew, says he, the time would come when they would say I knew what was what when I got you to be with me; and says he Major, let's look at this ax, and the Gineral he rubb'd his specs; well says he, this is a splitter aint it; why, says he, if a man only got lath- ered he could shave himself without a barber, for 202 LETTERS OF for this ax is as bright as a looking glass and sharp as a razor ; and here is the maker's name too : " Starks & Co.' Carthage, New York" I do wonder now, says the Gineral, if that aint the same " Stark" who lick'd the British at Benington a spell ago?" "I aint cer- tin," says I. " Well, nor I nother," says the Gine- ral, for do you know Major I have been in so many wars myself, that I some times mix em up, and I have now got so much to attend to here, that I am bother'd about names and places and times, most plagily. Now there is our little district attorney, our folks telled me when I appointed him a Bank Director that he was jist the kind of man we wanted "to ride Biddle" and up- set him; and when they tell'd of " ridin " i% upsettin, and mentioned his name, I got a notion in my head that I can't get out yet, that he may be the same man I've heard tell on, who took a ride once, and then wrote a long account on't in poetry. Well, says I, I'm not certain of that nother; but I've got a notion that the man you mean was John Gilpin. " That's the same man, aint it," says the Gineral. No, says I, I guess it aint, for he lived in London. " O, that makes no odds," says he Gineral ; " for they used to call Philadelphia the London of America." Well says I, then it must 'be the same, and if he's got on the squire to ride him, I guess4&t will turn out pretty much such another ride; for, says I, the squire is a pretty good horse tor a tight pull; but I don't think he'd stand easy under a saddle; it aint the natur of that breed. Well Major, says the Gineral, we must thank those folks for the ax any how, and as soon as the Senate pass, upon that message we sent em t'other day about other presents, you can have the ax. Very well, says I, Gin- eral, and if Congress dont pass upon something else, says I, so as to git things as leetle better in the money way, I'll want the ax, for we shall all come to choppin agin for a livin. I want you to send a printed copy of that letter to the makers of that ax, and when you git all my letters to MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 203 you printed in a book send em one of the books with my thank, for the ax. Your friend, J. DOWNING. Major. Downingville Militia— -2d brigade, LETTER LXXI. The Major and the President holds a general conversa- tion on the state of the Nation, when the Major gives an explanation of the financial operations as now conducted, by means of hocus poms, with cups and balls. To my old friend Mr. Dwight, of the New York Daily Advertiser. Washington, 25th Jan. 1834. Ever since I and the Gineral settled the Post Office accounts, as I tell'd you in my last, by charging the amount that Major Barry is astern, to M Glory" and "Reform," the Gineral has been more easy about it than I am afeard other folks be, especially some of the opposition folks in Congress; they keep smellin round— and unless we can git up another nullification there will be trouble, not only about the Post Office, but some other branches of the Department. Congress keeps hammering away yet about the de- posits, and the Gineral was gist agoin to give up, when we got the news from Albany of the vote of the Legis- lator there in favor of the Gineral in taking away the deposits from the United States Bank, and the vote of the New Jersey Legislatur, and strong news too that some other Legislaturs wo'd do the same. The Gine- ral was amazingly tickled, and says he, Major, I reck- on your notion that the people wornt with us on that pint is a mistake, and now says the Gineral, I'll hang on and keep the deposits, and Biddle may whistle for 'em. " Well," says I, " Gineral we'll see, and as I 204 K said afore, if the people don't tell the Legislature ano- ther story, and Congress too, afore we are a month older, then," says. I, "I know nothing on em. "Very well, Major," says the Gineral, "we'll see" — and jest then in come Amos and the Globe man, and some more of our folks, and lookin pretty streaked too, and 1 got a notion right off there was somethin stirrin — and os they began to tell the Gineral and Biddle was to work bribin all the people he could to sign petitions to Con- gress, asking to put back in the Bank all the deposits agin, and to rechaiter the Bank. "Why," says the Gineral, " aint that too bad, — Major we must give the Bank, says he, that Latin pill, there is nothin will stop em but that skiry factus" (or some sich a name the Gineral calls it.) Now, says I, Gineral, stop a bit, says I — there is one thing puzzles me considerable about this biibin business — 1 should like to know who they be who are takin bribes — it aint the nature of things, says I, for Squire Biddle to bribe the friends of the Bank, for that would be useless — then, says I, it must be that he is biibin the enemies of the Bank, and that's our party. Now, says I will you set bj and hear folks say, that our party is such a scabby set of fel- lows as to take bribes — if you do, says I, I wont, and with that I riz up, but before I could round the corner of the table I and the Gineral was alone agin. 1 sat down and said nothin — I gritted my teeth a spell, but that didn't do much good — I took my knife and whit- tled the table, but that warnt much better, and the ony way to rights that put me in a good temper agin, was to whistle more than 40 verses of Yankee Doodle, for I didn't like to say a word to the Gineral whilst I was in a pashm. The Gineral was all the while walkin up and down the room — so as soon as I got through whist- lin, says 1 Gineral, I guess we best say nothin more about bribin, says I; well, says he, Major, 1 reckon you are riget, tor the notion never struck me afore that that kinder talk hits right upon the heads of our friends, for they are the only ones that needs biibin. Now, says MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 205 : f , Gineral, jest lets you and 1 sit down and talk over this business, and I'll tell you, like a true friend, how the cat is goin to jump, and if it don't turn out as I tell vou, I'll give you my ax, and throw in my regimen- tals in the bargain; and so the Gineral he sot down, and 1 went at it. In the first place, says I, if I git in a pashin, you must keep cool — and if you git in a pashin I'll keep cool, but if we both git in a pashin, then there's no tel- lin. Well, says the Gineral, that's a good notion, Ma- jor, for that^s jest the way the logins do, and they learn wisdom from natur; you never see an Ingin and his'squaw git drunk together— when one gits drunk to- ther keeps sober, and so they take turn and turn about. Well says I, I never heard that afore, but I suppose tho' they git along better when they are both sober. yes, says the Gineral, in war time that is best, but .not in treaty time. Well, says I, that's matter, that aint exactly what 1 am arter, but I've got a notion out on't which I'll begin with. Some years ago the Yankees got drunk and got up a kinder nullification; there warnt much in it arter all, according to my old friend Dwight's book — but folks South thought there was, and so they kept sober; and last year the Suuth got drunk, and then all North kept sober, and that frolic is ended. Now, says I, North and South and East and West are all sober, and all shaken hands, and they say we have all been takin a drop too much — there aint no nullification no where in particular, but its all nul- lification all about us, and all hands are foi'min a ring and closin in upon us here, pretty much like a wolf hunt — they all say we have taken the money that be- longs to the people, and the people wont be content till we give it up — that's pretty much the nub of the business — and we shall have petitions and memorials from all quarters tumble in upon us, and if we don't mind them, they will be follow'd by hard nocks, jest like the story in the Spellin Book about the old man 4rivin the bo^s from the apple tree— he throw'd grass 206 LfefTERS OF ilret) mid xnat doing no good, he tried stones, and that brought em down pritty quick. The Gineral he began to git in a pashin — and says he Major I'm gittin mad. Very well says I Gineral I'll keep cool accordin to agreement; and with that the Gineral slatted round a spell with his hickory, and talked about New Orleans — and Siminoli---and the Grand tower--and I set whistling all the while—" why Major, says the Gineral, I'll never give up the depo- sites in the world"— " what" says I, " not if the peo- ple say we was wrong in takin em? Suppose the people say the laws are agin us, what then:"— <* Well says the Gneral I've tell'd em that the Laws are only jest as I understand em and nothing else." Now says I, Gineral, suppose Clay, or Calhoun, or Webster, was in your office and said so— and you was in Congress, or was of the people and didn't agree with em— how then says 1? 0, says the Gineral, that's a very different thing; any one of them fellows would be dangerous to trust with any kind of power. Well says 1 my notion is, however, that the law don't mean to trust nobody--- and as I am peskily afeard one or tother on'em will git in here arter we go to the Hermitage— I don't want to have any thing done now by us that they will do, and then tell us they ony do what we did. That's the only thing that puzzles me — for says I, Gineral, sass for the goose ought to be sass for the gander too. Well, says the Gineral, there is something in that Major— but says he, I cant give up the Deposits any how; Ames says we must hold on to 'em, and all our folks say so too. Yes, says I, Gineral, its true enuff the hounds have got the stag down, and got a taste on him afore the hunters come up, and I suppose there will be leetle left but the horns and trotters: but, says 1, it aint rfglut, and the people will tell us so you may depend: and all I have to say is, if what we have done is to be the rule hereafter, I dont know but I should like to be President myself: for folks might make laws. and all I'd have to do would be to understand 'em ac~ cording to my notion. MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 207 I dont see Major, says the Gineral, how it is you git sich odd notions about public sentiment. I know I cant be mistaken, for every letter I have time to read tells me I am right; and I read the Globe from one eend to tother every day, and that paper tells every thing, and I see nothin there that tells me I am rong. — Well, says I, Gineral you know you haint got time to read more than one letter in a nundred that comes. That's true enuf, says the Gineral, but then our folks do, and they tell me every thing. Tell you every thing? says I,— but no matter? — and so I whistled Yankee Doodle a spell. "No, No, Major, says the Gineral, the op- position folks throw dust in your eyes, you cant see things as clear as the rest of our folks about us." I jest was goin to speak, but findin my dander was liftin, I had to go to whistlin agin, and it took me nigh upon 15 ininits to git right, and I expected evry minit, I would have to git my ax and split hickory a spell in the bar- gain. Now, says 1 Gineral, you are the only man on earth I'd look at a minit, and let him say so to me. I got dust in my eyes, says I? I dont know what is goin on in doors and out of doors? Why says I, how you talk. Now says I, you jist sit still a minit and I'll show you something says I worth lookin into — and I went into a room where Mr. Van Buren and Amos and some of our folks git together every once and a while, to manage and talk over matters, and I've seen so much of the games play'd there, and bein naturally curious in most matters, I can play some on T em nigh upon as slick as Mr. Van Buren himself— -but he is master hand at it. —The game they had been playinmost at latterly, was about managin the public money among the new Deposit Banks, and showin how to use the "transfer check's" and ''contingent drafts" so as to puzzle folks in time of need. It was done with a parcel of cup* and balls, and little strips of paper — and did tickle me amazingly; and for a spell prazzled me tu— -and so I thought I'd jist show the Gineral and see if it would'nt tickle and puzzle him tu. And I thought I'd let the 208 LETTERS OF Gineral see if there warri't a leetle dust iu his eyes tu. And so I brought in a whole arm full of this machinery. And as soon as the Gineral saw me, says he Major what on earth have you got there. —Why, says I, its a trifle, and I'll tell you all about it to rights. And so I placed the cups bottom up, all along in a row on the table, and then I gin the Gineral a hand full of small balls. Now says I, I'm goin to showyou about as cute a thing as you've seen in many a day— them cups we'll call banks, and them balls is the money we took from Squire Biddle's Bank, the next thing is to show you how things are goin to work, now that we've got our money from one pocket, where we always know'd where to find it, and divided it round among twenty pockets, where may-be you may, or may-be you may not find nothin at all on't-- and here says 1 are some leetle pieces of paper that I'm goin to make use on to throw dust with — now says I Gineral, look sharp or you're gone hook and line says I. Its a plagy cunniu game, and I don't know sartin that I can play it as well as Mr. Van Bui'en and Amos and some more of them are folks, and 'specially the Treasury folks, tor they have been at it now off' and on ever sense I've been here- arid Mr. Van Buren tell'd em unless they could play at this game -.veil, there was no use in takin away the deposits. Now says ] Gineral I'll begin — you are sar- tin says i there is a ball under every cup. — yes s.n- the Gineral, for I jest put cm there, and then begun sliden the cups by each other, and mixin on em, and kept talkin about Glory and Reform— and the 8th 'b Jinnewerry, and the Proclamation, and Veto, and Nul lification, and some folks ben like Old Romans born to Command! ; ml others to obey, and soon, and jest as the Gineral took his eye oh" the cups and look'd at uoe. an was goro to say somthin,.! slap'd som cups together and call'd out hocus pocus, allicumpain, presto! e plurilus unum r sine qua non, skiry factions, savs I - there says 1 Gineral that's the eend oii't. Well says the Gineral I dont see much in that Major — didn't you MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 209 says I? then so much the better for the game. I sup- pose then says I you think the balls are under the cups, and jest as you put them. To be sure I do, says the Gineral, I suspected what you was ater Major, and I kept my eye on the cups; and no balls ever get from under 'em without me scein 'em I'd stake my life on't says the Gineral: and whats more I'll stake the fastest horse in my stable, that every one of the cups has got a ball under 'em. Well says I, Gineral, it wouldn't be fare bettin, and so do you go to work and look. And the Gineral he lifted up the cup, and there warn't noth- in under it but a piece of paper. The Gineral, he was stump'd, he look'd' at me and gin his face a twist, and then he look'd in the cup and shook it. Well, says he Major, that is plagy odd, what has become of that ball? We!!, says I, I guess the paper will tell you; and the Gineral took up that, and rub'd his specks and lead, "Transfer draft No. 101. ' r Well then I sup- pose, says the Gineral, its all right — (for he had jist begun to take the notion of the game) and insted of one ball in the next cup there is two balls."— "I'm notsartitu says I, and you better look. And so the Ginefal lifted the next cup-— and there warnt no balls there nother— ony another piece of paper. The Gineral look'd a spell at me, and opened lus mouth, and then he scratched his head, and took oft' his specks, and rub'd them agin, and then he read the paper. On one side was, "Con- tingent check $500.000 — and on tether side was written "Marquess of Carmarthen," $"250,000-6 per ct. — "■Post office- loans"' and all kiver'd up with figures so you could not see a bit of '' fJliife" on the paper— the Gineral, he blink'd at it a speli; and says he, Major, what does tins mean; well, says 1, Gineral, I