0?e NATIONAL CAPITAL 
 
 CODEof ETIQUETTE 
 
 COMBINED WITH 
 
 SILAS X. FLOYD'S 
 
 SHORT STORIES 
 
 DEDICATEDUteCOLOREP RACE 
 
CIIIY 
 
 ARY 
 
 ISITY OF 
 ORNIA 
 
NATIONAL CAPITAL CODE 
 
 of 
 
 ETIQUETTE 
 
 By 
 EDWARD S. GREEN 
 
 AUSTIN JENKINS COMPANY 
 
 Publishers 
 
 Bibles and special books for the 
 Colored Race by Negro Authors 
 
 Write, for free circulars 
 WASHINGTON, - - - D. C. 
 
LOAN STACK 
 
 Copyright 1920 
 
 By A. N. JENKINS 
 
 All text and every illustration in this book is 
 rigidly protected by Copyright Law. 
 
KJJ&& 
 
 PUBLISHER'S NOTE 
 
 This volume has been prepared by the author 
 after months of careful thought and deliberation. 
 It is doubtful if there is a- man living in America 
 today more competent to make suggestions to the 
 general public concerning proper conduct on any 
 and all occasions than Mr. Edward S. Green. He 
 has served the United States Government for 
 eighteen years, is a college graduate and recog- 
 nized as a man of letters and literary attainments. 
 His service in diplomatic circles both at home and 
 abroad has given him the practical experience 
 which stamps him as an undoubted authority on 
 " Etiquette. " His statements may be accepted as 
 conservative and absolutely correct. 
 
 The reader of this book who earnestly strives to 
 follow its teachings so far as possible will be as 
 near correct as it is possible to be in this imperfect 
 world. 
 
 We consider it a great pleasure, and our especial 
 privilege, to respectfully dedicate this volume to 
 THE COLORED RACE. 
 
 AUSTIN JENKINS COMPANY. 
 
 026 
 
PREFACE 
 
 If the author were suddenly asked to give one 
 of the greatest SECRETS OF SUCCESS, he would un- 
 hesitatingly reply 
 
 " GOOD MANNERS." 
 
 And what are good manners? They are one of 
 the first absolutely essential qualifications for the 
 perfect lady or gentleman. Just as the polish 
 perfects and makes the rough diamond a thing of 
 beauty and inestimable value; so a polite and 
 courteous exterior adds to the personality of man, 
 woman or child. 
 
 No matter how humble a man's position in life, 
 no matter how high he may climb financially or 
 socially be he banker, broker, clerk, mechanic, 
 laborer, stevedore if he be truly worth while, he 
 has within himself the desire to gain the respect 
 and esteem of his fellowmen. This is a worthy 
 ambition and its realization is within reach of us 
 all. 
 
 It is true that a superficial veneer and polish 
 frequently disguises a malicious and contemptible 
 nature, just as there are imitations for all beauti- 
 ful paintings or valuable jewels. Good manners 
 can never alone make the perfect lady or the 
 perfect gentleman; there must be a foundation 
 of human kindness, honesty and character. 
 
 An army officer on the staff of George Washing- 
 ton once criticized him for raising his hat to a 
 
 6 
 
PREFACE 7 
 
 colored laborer. The laborer, who was working 
 on the road over which the two distinguished 
 officers were riding sprang to his feet and politely 
 raised his hat. General Washington promptly 
 bowed and raised his hat in return. 
 
 When the General's friend suggested that his 
 high position made the act of returning the colored 
 man 's salute undignified, the General replied : 
 
 "Do you suppose I ever want to think that he 
 had better manners than I did?" 
 
 Thus spoke the perfect gentleman; kindly con- 
 sideration of our inferiors as well as deference to 
 our superiors is one of the first rudiments of 
 good manners. 
 
 Every true American citizen secretly desires to 
 appear at his best when meeting men and women 
 who may occupy a somewhat higher position in 
 the business world or society than he does. A 
 feeling of .embarrassment at such times is most 
 natural, extreme nervousness is perfectly excus- 
 able. To be able to control these feelings and to 
 appear perfectly at ease in any walk of life or in 
 any class of society requires careful preparation 
 and practice of those small actions and accomplish- 
 ments so necessary to establish oneself and to 
 gain a reputation of being a man or woman of 
 the world. 
 
 Without doubt, the person who has learned to 
 act naturally has accomplished a great deal 
 towards his aim for good manners. Affectation, 
 
8 PREFACE 
 
 airs, coquettish actions, haughtiness are often 
 mistaken for good breeding, but not for long. 
 
 We all of us would like to be popular. A few 
 hints as to how to realize this desire are not out of 
 place right here. 
 
 First You know what displeases or angers you 
 personally. Avoid all such words or actions in 
 your contact with others. 
 
 Second The very young, and I think I can 
 safely say this is more noticeable in the young 
 woman than the man, are possessed of an abso- 
 lutely incorrect idea that the world at large is 
 vitally concerned in their own little romances, 
 escapades, etc. How frequently you notice a young 
 girl who monopolizes the conversation for hours, 
 telling of where she has been, "What Charley 
 said" that "So and So was crazy about her," a 
 sort of continued performance of herself. No 
 matter what charms a young woman may possess, 
 she will be unable to overcome the handicap of 
 this line of conversation. 
 
 Third Strive to please. Study your friends 
 and acquaintances. If they have hobbies, encour- 
 age them to talk about their specialty. Find out 
 what interests them and then learn to be a good 
 " listener." You will be amazed at the reputation 
 you will presently gain for being intelligent, with- 
 out having to express any opinions yourself. 
 There are few who are unselfish enough to follow 
 this continually and literally, but when one does, 
 he is everybody's friend. 
 
PREFACE 9 
 
 Be quick to share the joy or grief of an acquaint- 
 ance; sympathize with them in bereavement and 
 rejoice with them in good fortune; lead them to 
 think that you are personally interested in every- 
 thing that concerns them. If a friend is bound up 
 heart and soul in some undertaking, whether an 
 affair of the heart, profession, sports, business, 
 let him gain the impression that his success and 
 interest are matters of vital importance to your- 
 self if more of us followed these hints for tact 
 and diplomacy, the world would be a happier place 
 in which to live. 
 
 This volume has been prepared with the end in 
 view of properly fitting the young man or woman 
 to occupy their proper place in society; to assist 
 them in acquiring the poise and bearing that is 
 absolutely essential for their future happiness 
 and welfare. Followed carefully, the teachings of 
 this book will go far towards assuring success both 
 socially and financially. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 PREFACE 6 
 
 I. How TO DRESS 13 
 
 II. CORRECT TABLE MANNERS 24 
 
 III. ON THE STREET 29 
 
 IV. CORRECT STYLES FOR VISITING CARDS 33 
 
 V. INTRODUCING FRIENDS OR ACQUAINTANCES 43 
 
 VI. ART OF CONVERSATION 50 
 
 VII. WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES 55 
 
 VIII. SOCIAL CALLS, AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS 67 
 
 IX. BALLS, DANCES, PARTIES 74 
 
 X. AT THE THEATER 82 
 
 XI. PERIODS OF MOURNING 86 
 
 XII. AT CHURCH 8H 
 
 XIII. CORRECT LETTER WRITING: SAMPLE SOCIAL AND 
 
 BUSINESS FORMS 93 
 
 XIV. IN THE HOME 123 
 
 XV. GENERAL RULES 132 
 
 XVI. SUGGESTED MENUS 137 
 
 XVII. CORRECT DRESS CHART FOR MEN. . .139 
 
 11 
 
CHAPTER I 
 
 HOW TO DEESS 
 
 The old adage that " Clothes make the man " 
 has long since been discarded as greatly over- 
 drawn and generally used by some wide-awake, 
 up-to-date clothing manufacturer as a fetching 
 advertisement to assist in the sale of his goods. 
 However, it certainly is an indisputable fact that 
 clothes contribute to no small extent to a man's 
 success or failure. Nothing is to be herein mis- 
 construed as indicating that a man or woman must 
 necessarily have expensive clothes in order to be 
 properly dressed. Prevailing styles are far more 
 closely followed by the feminine portion of the 
 human race than by mere man. The intelligent, 
 accomplished woman of today, with some ability 
 as a seamstress, can dress not only in a becoming 
 manner, but by following the style and fashion 
 exhibited freely in the exhibition cases and win- 
 dows of any first-class department store, can be 
 really smart in her wearing apparel. 
 
 The male of the species is more fortunate; 
 styles are more conservative, and while our haber- 
 dashers are striving from time to time to force 
 striking and extreme styles with belts, tightly 
 fitting waist bands, flaring and fancy vests, yet 
 the really well-dressed man rarely goes to such 
 extremes. 
 
 13 
 
14 HOW TO DRESS 
 
 The two most essential points in a man's correct 
 dress are at his feet and throat. No matter how 
 finely garbed a young fellow may be as he strolls 
 down the main street of his home town, if his 
 shoes are not nicely polished and his collar and tie 
 immaculate and in good taste, his general appear- 
 ance is extremely bad. The styles of collar that 
 may be worn correctly are practically unlimited 
 The tall and slender individual appears at his best 
 in a somewhat high collar, while the heavy-set, 
 stockily-built man should select a collar of medium 
 or limited height. It is in poor taste for a man 
 with a long neck to wear a low collar, while it is 
 positive torture, besides looking badly, for a gen- 
 tleman who has accumulated considerable flesh 
 about the throat to attempt to force his neck into a 
 wide style. 
 
 A black tie is considered good form on practi- 
 cally any occasion, while almost any style or colors 
 may be pleasingly chosen during office hours by 
 the business man or clerk. Be careful to avoid 
 colors that do not blend with the remainder of 
 your wearing apparel, and above all things shun 
 the so-called " loud " ties with colors that fairly 
 shriek unto Heaven. Avoid bright reds, yellows 
 and light greens as you would the plague; dark 
 reds, dark greens, browns, black and white stripes 
 or checks are always good form. 
 
 The proper tie for a dinner or Tuxedo coat is a 
 plain black bow; the so-called bat-wing is a good 
 sample of this style. For the few occasions when 
 
THOMAS CIRCLE, THOMAS STATUE IN BACKGROUND, ILLUSTRAT- 
 ING CONSERVATIVE STREET CLOTHES FOR GENTLEMEN. 
 
16 HOW TO DRESS 
 
 strictly Full Dress is worn, a medium-sized white 
 bow tie, with a straight collar, which may or may 
 not be turned over at the edges where fastened is 
 good form. White gloves are usually worn in con- 
 nection with Full Dress at weddings or other ultra 
 fashionable functions. 
 
 Business men, in fact, all men whose work is'of 
 a sedentary or indoor character, should choose 
 patterns that are becoming, but should not choose 
 clothes with loud stripes or checks. It is always 
 well to remember that any suit of clothes that 
 attracts attention by its unsual or striking appear- 
 ance is bad form. 
 
 During the working hours, neglige shirts are the 
 proper thing, with soft cuffs, reversible or not, as 
 desired. Soft collars on extremely hot days are 
 quite correct. With Tuxedo or Full Dress, a stiff 
 front white shirt should be worn. 
 
 Black shoes are always proper. Tan shoes may- 
 be worn with practically any suit, but black foot- 
 wear is much preferable with dark clothes. Avoid 
 extremely light tan shoes the very light shades 
 of tan are becoming almost obsolete. Black shoes 
 only should, of course, be worn with Tuxedo or 
 Full Dress, patent leather if possible. 
 
 And right here let me emphatically invite the 
 attention of young men and women, yes, I will 
 add old men, women and children, to the following 
 well-known quotation : 
 
 " When in Borne do as the Romans do." 
 
 Literally translated from a standpoint of cor- 
 
HOW TO DRESS 17 
 
 rect dress, this means, ' ' dress to suit the function 
 or the occasion. " 
 
 If invited to the home of a friend or an acquaint- 
 ance to dinner, for a social evening, or for a recep- 
 tion or party, try to ascertain, tactfully, how the 
 majority of the crowd will be arrayed. This can 
 be done by using a little diplomacy. It is not at all 
 out of place to ask your host or hostess how he or 
 she expects to dress for the occasion ; this sort of a 
 question generally pleases. Then dress about as 
 you expect they will. It is just as bad form to 
 appear at a social gathering of any kind in fine 
 raiment, Full Dress if a man, or Decollette if a 
 woman, when the balance of the assemblage is in 
 plain attire, as to appear at a wedding in a 
 checked suit and tan shoes when every one else is 
 in Full Dress. A well-informed host or hostess 
 will generally indicate iff some delicate but unmis- 
 takable manner whether a gathering is to be an 
 extremely fashionable affair or simply informal. 
 
 And now to approach briefly and with fear and 
 trembling the subject of proper clothes for women. 
 An entire encyclopedia of information on this sub- 
 ject could be compiled and would doubtless be 
 perused with interest by members of the fair sex, 
 but the subject is so extensive and complicated 
 that the author will only touch lightly thereon, 
 confining his advice to certain points that are un- 
 changing and invariable through changing years 
 and seasons. 
 
 A woman should, so far as possible, dress in the 
 
18 HOW TO DRESS 
 
 prevailing style; any sixteen-year-old school girl 
 can glibly tell you what is being worn and whether 
 such and such a hat is becoming and stylish or a 
 horrible creation. 
 
 The foregoing statement must be modified to the 
 extent that no woman should for fashion's sake 
 choose a costume that is entirely unsuited for 
 her. Just as certain combinations of colors are 
 entirely wrong for certain people, so some styles 
 are impossible for certain faces and figures. 
 
 If a woman's resources are limited and her 
 pocketbook a trifle lean, she must use her intuition 
 and initiative to prepare for herself at reasonable 
 cost costumes as stylish and becoming as possible 
 upon her allowance. It is here that the woman 
 who makes her own clothes triumphs over her 
 less fortunate sister who is compelled to pay the 
 price to exorbitant dressmakers and clothing 
 establishments. 
 
 Even more is it necessary for a woman to be 
 neatly and stylishly shod than for a man. Oh, 
 what a sad sight to see a charming young woman 
 otherwise well dressed, whose entire appearance 
 is practically ruined by shoes that are not in har- 
 mony with the balance of her costume, run down at 
 the heel, or unpolished. The question of heels 
 upon "women's shoes has been a source of consid- 
 erable argument since the time of the late lamented 
 Louis XV, during whose reign the high French 
 heels was ushered in ; far be it from the author to 
 attempt to dictate on this point. High French 
 
HOW TO DRESS 19 
 
 heels, Cuban heels, Conservative heels, Low heels, 
 all are proper in their place. As a matter concern- 
 ing hygiene and comfort, it might be suggested 
 that conservative heels on the street might be 
 worn in better form, and the more extreme, high 
 heels in the evening at dinners, parties, balls, etc. 
 
 The same advice can be given to women as to 
 men relative to avoiding colors and combinations 
 of colors that attract attention because they are 
 strikingly unusual. 
 
 The stenographer, "clerk or business woman 
 never looks better nor is in better form than 
 when attired in shirt waist, dark blue or black 
 skirt, black shoes and stockings. It is a great 
 mistake for a girl who is obliged to work for her 
 living to overdress at the office or store it is 
 frequently fatal to her chances for advancement 
 and quite apt to be misconstrued and made an 
 excuse for insinuating remark and malicious argu- 
 ments as " How on earth can she dress that way 
 on her salary? " 
 
 Above all, dress modestly any style that de- 
 mands too much license, too much vacant space 
 at the top or bottom of a gown, should not be 
 encouraged something at least should be left to 
 the imagination. With these few remarks the 
 author is content to leave the question in the 
 hands of wives, mothers, sisters and daughters, 
 relying upon their innate and delicate sense of 
 what is the proper thing. 
 
 The lady of good taste and judgment will select 
 
20 HOW TO DRESS 
 
 with unerring judgment styles and colors that are 
 becoming and gowns that are appropriate for the 
 various occasions for which they are selected. 
 
 It is a well-known fact that certain colors that 
 add to the charm of the blonde will frequently 
 destroy the entire effect of a costume and general 
 appearance of a brunette. For example, blue is a 
 most trying color for brunettes and should be 
 avoided. Pink and yellow are, in turn, colors that 
 blondes should never wear it takes a decided 
 brunette to appear well in yellow. A short, stout 
 person should select clothes that will not magnify 
 this condition. Black is always appropriate, like- 
 wise dark and navy blues for ladies who are some- 
 what heavy. Stripes running the length of a dress 
 will have the effect of adding to a woman 's height. 
 
 Bright colors may be chosen at all times by the 
 young and more subdued shades by the middle- 
 aged and old. 
 
 Blondes may saifely choose dark violet shades, 
 with lilac and blue; also green with darker or 
 lighter tints. If the blonde has plenty of color in 
 her cheeks, she should select lighter shades. All 
 conservative shades, such as drab, gray, maroon, 
 russet, drab, etc., look well when worn by blondes, 
 
 All brunettes look well in black. They may 
 choose bright colors with far better effect than 
 blondes. Yellow trimmed with black always pre- 
 sents a striking and becoming appearance in the 
 case of brunettes and bright shades of red and 
 green look well, but care should be taken in select- 
 
TIIKKE LITTLE MAIDS, ILLUSTRATING COBBECT STYLES FOE THE 
 
 STBEET. 
 
22 HOW TO DRESS 
 
 ing a costume not to have these colors predominate 
 to an extent that will make the costume too strik- 
 ing and unusual in appearance. 
 
 Loud smelling perfumes and colognes should be 
 avoided; choose only the best and most conserva- 
 tive brands. Perfume should be only a delicate 
 hint, a scarcely perceptible odor. One of the most 
 objectionable features of any one's toilet is the 
 odor of cheap, reeking perfume. 
 
 In the home, a lady should in the morning wear 
 a loose, flowing dress or neglige. On the street a 
 walking costume should be worn, with skirt that 
 clears the ground. Styles relative to the proper 
 length of the skirt change so rapidly and there are 
 such a variety of opinions that it is not deemed ad- 
 visable to dictate on this all-important topic. 
 
 A housewife should always try to dress for the 
 evening meal, or if this is impossible, after it has 
 been served. A man's interest in his wife is main- 
 tained by seeing her look charming and attractive. 
 Nothing tends to kill a man's interest in his wife 
 and home more rapidly than an unkempt, untidily 
 dressed woman. No matter how strenuous her 
 duties, the wife and mother should strive to appear 
 neat and attractively dressed when the family sit 
 down together in the evening. The same thing 
 applies to the man and to all members of the 
 family. 
 
 As heretofore stated, for balls, operas, theaters, 
 etc., the ladies' dress should be as elaborate as her 
 circumstances permit, always bearing in mind to 
 
HOW TO DRESS 23 
 
 dress according to the party or company one ex- 
 pects to join. 
 
 In traveling, a lady should choose colors that 
 will not show dirt and dust; tans and grays are 
 suitable nothing is more appropriate nor looks 
 better on the train than a neat-fitting gray or tan 
 suit. 
 
 Parents, have your children dress as well as 
 your income will permit. Nothing teaches a child 
 self-respect and confidence more than good 
 clothes. Never force a boy to wear made-over 
 and ill-fitting clothes unless absolutely necessary. 
 Nothing is more trying to a boy than to be accused 
 by his playmates of wearing father 's clothes cut 
 down. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 CORRECT TABLE MANNERS 
 
 Not less important than propriety in dress is a 
 knowledge of what is and is not permissible at the 
 table. It is a remarkable fact that many well- 
 bred people are extremely deficient in their man- 
 ners at table. This is usually the result of lack 
 of early training or carelessness. Nothing will 
 stamp a man or woman so quickly as " ill-bred r 
 as improper behavior when eating. To eat grace- 
 fully is an art that few of us ever acquire to 
 commit as few blunders as possible and to avoid 
 unpardonable actions, should be our chief ambition. 
 There is but one safe way to accomplish the de- 
 sired result and that is to be just as careful when 
 dining at home with one's family as at a dinner or 
 banquet. It is extremely difficult to overcome in a 
 moment habits that have been formed through 
 months of carelessness at home. 
 
 One should sit erect at the table, with feet near 
 his chair. The hands should be in one's lap or on 
 a level with the table. It is extremely bad form 
 to bend forward over our plate to any great dis- 
 tance, or to place the elbows on the table. A man 
 should partially unfold his napkin and place it 
 over the left knee; a woman unfolds her napkin 
 slightly more and places it in her lap, over her 
 gloves if she wears them. At a public dinner at 
 the close of the meal, the napkin is left beside the 
 
 24 
 
CORRECT TABLE MANNERS 25 
 
 plate; it is not necessary to fold it. However, 
 when dining with friends and it is possible that 
 your stay may be continued for several meals, it 
 is a good plan to observe the host and hostess. 
 If they fold their napkin in anticipation of using 
 same at the next meal, it is well to follow suit 
 and imitate their example. 
 
 It is scarcely necessary to state that the knife is 
 never, under any circumstances, to be used to 
 convey food to one's mouth. The old days of 
 sword-swallowing feats are over ; the knife is to be 
 used for cutting alone. When cutting meat, the 
 knife is held firmly in the right hand, the thumb 
 and index finger slightly down on to the blade ; the 
 fork is held in a similar manner in the left hand. 
 The fork is then transferred to the right hand and 
 is used to convey the food to the mouth. When not 
 in use, the knife and fork should be placed on 
 the plate; they should also be so placed at the 
 conclusion of the meal. The fork is the most use- 
 ful of all table utensils and should be used when- 
 ever possible. It is never proper to use a spoon 
 for salads, vegetables, etc. The perfectly-set 
 table will also provide forks for all desserts, even 
 to ice creams and sherbets. 
 
 Coffees and tea will be served in cups, accom- 
 panied by a spoon. The spoon is used in ascer- 
 taining whether or not the beverage is of a tem- 
 perature which permits immediate drinking and 
 whether it is sufficietly sweetened. Thereafter 
 one should drink direct from the cup. Never 
 
CORRECT TABLE MANNERS 27 
 
 leave a spoon standing in a cup; it is not only 
 bad form, but may cause a most embarrassing 
 accident. * 
 
 It is desired to emphasize the fact that in eating 
 soup, the spoon should not be drawn across the 
 plate towards the diner, but away from him ; soup 
 as well as all beverages should be passed into the 
 mouth from the side and not from the tip of the 
 spoon. 
 
 Breakfast foods, berries, custards, grape fruit, 
 oranges, etc., are of course eaten with a spoon; 
 in fact, anything served with milk or cream. 
 
 A bread-and-butter plate will be found at well- 
 appointed dinner tables at the left of the diner. 
 This plate will contain both the bread and the 
 butter. A small knife will be found beside the 
 plate ; the bread is broken and each piece buttered 
 separately as broken. 
 
 Pickles, olives, radishes, grapes, small fruit, 
 except berries, nuts, etc., are eaten with neither 
 fork nor spoon simply use the fingers. . 
 
 Asparagus is a real proposition to eat properly ; 
 it can either be eaten with a fork or may be taken 
 in the fingers. The large end of the asparagus 
 should be left on the plate. 
 
 Regarding vegetables, a good rule to follow is 
 " When in doubt, use the fork ' you are pretty 
 apt to be correct. 
 
 Cake will probably be served to you on a sepa- 
 rate plate and may be eaten with a fork; if no 
 
28 CORRECT TABLE MANNERS 
 
 fork is provided, you have no other alternative 
 but to use your fingers. 
 
 A special salad fork is usually provided with all 
 salads; if not, an ordinary dessert fork may be 
 used. 
 
 When arriving at the table one should watch 
 his hostess for the signal to be seated. The same 
 signal will doubtless be given by host or hostess 
 when leaving. It is not necessary to push your 
 chair back against the table as you leave. You 
 are at liberty to converse with the guest either on 
 your right or left, but it is not good form to con- 
 verse across table or to any one at some distance 
 away, except in exceptional cases. 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 WHEN ON THE STREET 
 
 One should be guided by circumstances to a 
 certain extent when promenading for pleasure or 
 en route to office or work; your judgment and 
 intuition will frequently be sufficient to meet unex- 
 pected emergencies. However, there are certain 
 hard and fast rules which must be followed on all 
 occasions. 
 
 All gentlemen when meeting a lady acquaintance 
 should give her a courteous salute, consisting of a 
 short bow accompanied by raising the hat about 
 one foot from the head. In tipping the hat, if a 
 straw or stiff hat, it should be grasped lightly by 
 the front rim at the right-hand edge and raised 
 above the head slightly to the right, being replaced 
 immediately. It is not only unnecessary but shows 
 poor judgment to keep the head uncovered for 
 any great length of time; it is also a menace to 
 health in cold or stormy weather. If a soft hat 
 of the Fedora style is worn, it may be raised by 
 taking hold of" it at the top, slightly towards the 
 front. 
 
 It is not good form for a gentleman to stop a 
 lady on the street to converse; he should politely 
 request the privilege of walking by her side in 
 whatever direction she may be going. When 
 leaving her, he should again tip his hat. A lady 
 has the privilege of requesting a gentleman to 
 
 29 
 
GEORGE WONDERS WHO HARRY'S CHARMING COMPANION MAY BE. 
 ILLUSTRATING CORRECT MANNERS OF SALUTING ON THE STREET. 
 
WHEN ON THE STREET 31 
 
 stop and talk, but when this is done the couple 
 should step one side so as not to be in the way of 
 others passing. 
 
 In case of old friends, either gentleman or lady 
 may speak first when meeting on the street with 
 perfect propriety. When the acquaintance is 
 slight, or of a somewhat formal character, the lady 
 should be first to speak, indicating by a smile or 
 slight inclination of the head her willingness to 
 recognize her acquaintance publicly. The man 
 immediately acknowledges this recognition by 
 bowing and raising his hat. 
 
 A gentleman when walking with a lady should 
 invariably bow and raise his <hat when meeting 
 any of his own acquaintances, or any one else 
 who speaks to his companion. On such occasions 
 he salutes any gentleman he happens to meet in 
 the same manner as the ladies, invariably both 
 bowing and raising the hat. This is extremely 
 important and omission of same shows one's 
 ignorance of a very common courtesy. 
 
 When the thoroughfare is crowded and it be- 
 comes necessary to push through, the gentleman 
 should always precede the lady and clear the 
 passage for his companion. On most other occa- 
 sions when necessary to walk in single file, the 
 gentleman should allow the lady to go first. 
 
 The correct position for a gentleman when 
 promenading with a lady is next the curb. If he 
 is walking with two ladies, it is generally consid- 
 ered better to occupy the same position next the 
 
32 WHEN ON THE STREET 
 
 curb, the two ladies walking side by side. This 
 latter requirement is not absolutely imperative; 
 however, it is not a serious breach of etiquette 
 for a gentleman to walk between the two ladies, 
 especially if either or both of them request it. 
 
 A gentleman should assist a lady into an auto- 
 mobile or street car and then follow; when ready 
 to alight, he steps out first and extends his hand 
 to assist her to the ground. 
 
 It goes without saying that no perfect gentle- 
 man will remain seated in a public conveyance of 
 any kind when ladies are standing. This is one 
 of the first rudiments of good breeding. A young 
 woman or child should always offer to give up a 
 seat to any elderly man or woman this is not only 
 required by courtesy, but shows thoughtfulness 
 and kindness. 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 CAEDS 
 
 Cards of innumerable styles are used for differ- 
 ent business engagements, social functions, etc. 
 
 The most common is the so-called " visiting M 
 card. A good quality of Bristol board should be 
 selected, not too heavy, but sufficiently so to retain 
 its shape well. 
 
 A gentleman's calling card is considerably 
 smaller than those used by the opposite sex, 1% 
 inches by 2% inches is a good size. The married 
 woman uses a size somewhat larger, possibly 
 2 by 3 inches, while the debutante and unmar- 
 ried woman chooses a size just between the two, 
 possibly 134 by 234 inches. 
 
 These cards should be engraved and finished in 
 black ink any other color for plain visiting cards 
 is extremely poor style Lettering may be in plain 
 capital letters, Old English or Eunning Script. 
 About the only title properly appearing on a visit- 
 ing card is the prefix Mrs., Miss or Mr The ad- 
 dress should be placed in the lower left-hand cor- 
 ner of the card, for example : 
 
 A married woman is supposed to invariably give 
 her husband's full name with the simple prefix 
 ' Mrs." On no account is it permissible for her 
 to use her own first or maiden name. 
 
 The unmarried woman's card is engraved Miss 
 Gertrude Pendleton. Married women with fami- 
 
 33 
 
A NATIONAL CAPITAL MATRON 
 
CARDS 35 
 
 4Hr*. ifflilliam $epton 
 
 345 3larkium (Tuurt 
 
 lies sometimes simply use their last names ; this is 
 also permissible for the eldest daughter; for in- 
 stance, Mrs. Ferguson or Miss Ferguson. This 
 custom is gradually going out of existence, and 
 while there is no real objection to it, the full name 
 is preferable. 
 
 Widows are given considerably more license in 
 selecting their visiting cards. If she so desires, 
 
A CHARMING WASHINGTON HOSTESS. 
 
CARDS 37 
 
 she may retain her husband's name after his 
 death, or may use her own Christian name. In 
 this way, Mrs. Henry Wilson Brown, after the 
 death of her husband, may retain her use of this 
 name or may change same to read Mrs. Margaret 
 Brown; again, supposing her name to have been 
 Margaret Williamson before marriage, she may 
 now have her name appear on her calling cards 
 as Mrs. Margaret Williamson Brown, or even Mrs. 
 Williamson Brown ; any of these titles are correct 
 and proper. This also applies to divorced women, 
 although it is to be strictly understood that a 
 divorcee who has had her maiden name restored is 
 under no circumstances to use the prefix " Miss"; 
 it must invariably be * ' Mrs. ' ' Thus, Miss Mayme 
 Hunter marries Richard Childs and becomes Mrs. 
 Richard Childs. She is granted a divorce, to- 
 gether with permission to use her maiden name. 
 
 . Jieberlp JSapne 
 
 iiapnc 
 
38 
 
 CARDS 
 
 She does not now, as is commonly supposed, be- 
 come Miss Mayme Hunter again, but Mrs. Mayme 
 Hunter. 
 
 It is customary and quite correct for young 
 ladies to have their name engraved directly below 
 that of their mother on the same card, as 
 
 The above is the proper style for the eldest 
 daughter; if one of the younger members of the 
 family, the young lady's Christian name should 
 appear ; for example : 
 
 JSapne 
 
 4Hi** Jfloreme 
 
 The two foregoing cards are used only when the 
 young ladies have not i ' come out ' ' or made their 
 debut; after this most important event in a young 
 girPs life, she is, of course, entitled to a card 
 case of her own. 
 
 There are several correct forms for gentlemen's 
 calling cards. He may or may not, at his own 
 option, use the prefix i l Mr. ' ' Hence, Mr. William 
 
CARDS 
 
 39 
 
 Hardison or William Hardison would either be 
 correct. When the suffix " Jr." is used, the prefix 
 " Mr." should be omitted, as Charles Buchanan, 
 Jr. It is quite proper, in fact, desirable, for a 
 gentleman to have his address engraved on his 
 calling cards. If he is high enough up in the 
 social scale to have a club, it is considered smart 
 to have the club address take the place of his resi- 
 dence. Telephone numbers on visiting cards are 
 not good form. 
 
 A man who has served in the military service is 
 entitled to use his title, as 
 
 CAPT. ARTHUR HOUSTON, U. S. A. 
 
 In making calls, it is customary for a married 
 lady to leave one of her own cards and two of 
 her husband's. The explanation of this is that 
 she leaves her own card simply for the lady of 
 the house, and one of her husband's for both the 
 lady and gentleman. In ultra fashionable society, 
 when emergency prevents a personal call being 
 made, it is considered quite proper for cards to 
 be mailed to the person upon whom one desires 
 
40 CARDS 
 
 A professional man may inscribe himself as 
 
 JOHN WILLIAMSON. M. D. 
 
 to call, but is prevented on account of the short- 
 ness of the individual's stay, pressing engage- 
 ments, etc. In this case, cards should be returned 
 in the same manner. It is extremely bad form, if 
 not an actual insult, to return a personal call by 
 mailing cards in return, however. 
 
 Plain visiting cards should be enclosed with 
 gifts, flowers, etc. It is quite proper and courteous 
 to add in pencil or with pen, "Compliments of," 
 "With best wishes, " "The compliments of the 
 Season," etc., etc. 
 
 It is a very pretty custom to send out birth 
 cards following the birth of a child. The card 
 selected should be small, not larger than 1 inch by 
 inches. The proper engraving would be 
 
 WILLIAM WADSWORTH EVANS 
 
 4:30 P. M. 
 FEBRUARY 16 
 
CARDS 41 
 
 This card should be placed in a small rather 
 closely fitting envelope and then re-enclosed in 
 another larger envolpe and addressed. 
 
 A gentleman or lady in mourning is at liberty to 
 have a plain black band around the edges of call- 
 ing cards care should be exercised not to make 
 this band too prominent under no circumstances 
 should it exceeed % inch in width. 
 
 When it becomes necessary for abrupt de- 
 parture and it is impossible to make personal calls, 
 P. P. C. cards should be sent out by the departing 
 individuals. P. P. C. is an abbrevation for the 
 French mode of fare well "To take Leave." 
 These letters should be written in capitals in the 
 lower left-hand corner of visiting cards and the 
 cards mailed to such acquaintances and friends 
 as are desired. Upon receipt of P. P. C. cards 
 they should be promptly acknowledge by courteous 
 farewell notes, or if lack of time prevents writing 
 such notes, cards should be mailed. Such good 
 wishes as "Bon Voyage, " "Good Luck," etc., are 
 properly written on the cards before mailing in 
 return. 
 
 Upon returning from an extended visit or from 
 abroad, cards should be mailed with address, also 
 containing days at home. 
 
 When cards are mailed, they should be placed 
 in a small-sized plain envelope and this envelope 
 is enclosed in aJarger envelope for addressing* 
 
 When a young man calls upon a young ladythe 
 
42 CARDS 
 
 should leave not only a card for her, but also one 
 for her mother or chaperon. 
 
 In making business calls, it is customary for the 
 caller to send in his card to the person visited. 
 Likewise, a gentleman calling socially, should send 
 his card to the family or individual, handing same 
 to the servant, or whoever admits him to the house. 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 INTRODUCING ONE'S ACQUAINTANCES 
 
 Introductions are one of the most important 
 essentials of good society and it is well to care- 
 fully read the following chapter as there is no 
 other custom so greatly abused as this one. To 
 introduce one's friends and acquaintances indis- 
 criminately is not only a breach of eitquette, but 
 shows a lack of common sense. Before introduc- 
 ing any one it is well to consider the fact that by 
 so doing you place yourself indirectly responsible 
 for this person's habits and morals, and more in- 
 directly, for his future conduct in other words, 
 you recommend him as worthy of the confidence 
 and esteem of -the party to whom introduced. It 
 is also a fact that some introductions are exceed- 
 ingly distasteful to one or the other party, not 
 infrequently to both. Hence, the advisability of 
 consulting both parties, if possible, before the 
 ceremony of introduction. Grafters, confidence 
 men, social climbers and undesirables of both 
 sexes and various occupations crave introductions 
 for the purpose of plying their nefarious or 
 scheming trades, or for purely selfish reasons. An 
 introduction is not merely the announcing of the 
 name of the party introduced, but a recommenda- 
 tion and endorsement. This is probably more true 
 in the business world than at social functions. 
 Formal acquaintances are made at banquets, balls 
 
 43 
 
ONE OF WASHINGTON'S POPULAR SOCIAL LEADERS. 
 
INTRODUCING ONE'S ACQUAINTANCES 45 
 
 and other public social gatherings which are really 
 not seriously considered by either party. A lady 
 who is introduced to a gentleman at a ball, for 
 example, has the right to refuse to recognize "him 
 when they. next meet. No gentleman should pre- 
 sume upon such formal introduction to force his 
 attentions upon a lady who plainly shows that 
 she does not desire it. 
 
 It is regrettable that a lack of tact on the part of 
 a hostess frequently causes embarrassing situa- 
 tions. For instance, she will introduce a gentle- 
 man to one of the ladies present and then leave 
 them. The intent and purpose of this introduction 
 is to secure partners for her guests. Some men 
 are so grossly ignorant of what is right and 
 proper that they will utter a few inane remarks 
 upon such occasion and walk away, leaving the 
 lady standing and in a most trying and annoying 
 position. He does not care to dance, at any rate, 
 not with her, and is not gentlemanly enough to go 
 through with it as he should, regardless of his 
 personal desires; he can at least remain and con- 
 verse during the dance. Frequently the ladies 
 are just as selfish; they will blandly say " Thank 
 you, but I am not dancing this evening, ' ' then turn 
 and engage some one else in conversation, leaving 
 the poor young man, flushing and ill at ease, in 
 doubt as to what to do next. Both of these young 
 people are guilty of discourtesy and could quite 
 consistently be accused of being " ill-bred, " but 
 the initial fault lies with the hostess. All ladies 
 
46 INTRODUCING ONE'S ACQUAINTANCES 
 
 who are entertaining should carefully ascertain 
 whether or not both parties are willing to meet 
 and dance before bringing about a situation of this 
 kind. This can be done with diplomacy, by 
 creating the impression to both parties that she is 
 conferring a favor. As, for instance: " Mr. Car- 
 son, I have a charming girl I am anxious to have 
 you meet," and, " Miss Davis, have you met the 
 interesting Mr. Carson?" 
 
 There are a great many perfectly proper modes 
 of introducing ; for example : 
 
 In introducing a gentleman to a lady 
 
 " Miss Armstrong, may I present Mr. Duvall?" 
 or " I believe you have never met Mr. Duvall." 
 If for certain reasons you desire to have the intro- 
 duction make a strong impression, you may say 
 1 ' Miss Armstrong, I should like to present my 
 very good friend, Mr. Duvall." 
 
 In introducing two ladies, the younger should 
 invariably be presented to the elder. When in 
 doubt as to age, it is tactful to make some remark, 
 such as " I think you two ladies should know each 
 other." 
 
 A wife in introducing her husband should say, 
 " This is my husband, Mr. Smith "; if a military 
 or professional man, she should invariably give 
 him his correct title^ as " Captain Smith," " Pro- 
 fessor Smith," etc. 
 
 In introducing a celebrity, it is perfectly proper 
 to say ' ' Miss Holmes, allow me to present Colonel 
 Hopkins, who is just back from France," or, 
 
INTRODUCING ONE'S ACQUAINTANCES . 47 
 
 11 This is Mr. Wright, the famous architect, whose 
 plans for the new Commercial Club have just 
 been accepted/' 
 
 A gentleman upon being introduced to a lady 
 should never offer his hand. This is the lady's 
 prerogative, and she may or may not do so, just as 
 she sees fit. As a general rule, the lady simply 
 gives a slight inclination of the head, which the 
 gentleman acknowledges by a formal bow. Imme- 
 diately following the introduction, the gentleman 
 should take the initiative and declare his pleasure 
 at the opportunity of meeting: the lady in proper 
 terms. It is well not to be too demonstrative, 
 otherwise the lady may rightfully think you a little 
 too forward. " Delighted to make your acquaint- 
 ance " or " I am pleased to meet you," would do 
 as a starter. The lady never is expected to tell 
 the gentleman what a pleasure it is for her to 
 make his acquaintance, except in certain cases, 
 introduction of some celebrity, or in case both 
 parties have been mutually looking forward to 
 the introduction. The lady should acknowledge 
 his courteous preliminary remarks with a smile, or 
 some conservative remark. The gentleman, in the 
 event the conversation is to be continued, should 
 then make some appropriate remark upon some 
 safe subject with a view towards removing the 
 strained feeling that usually follows formal 
 introductions. 
 
 Frequently, in spite of the hints against indis- 
 criminate introductions, some one will be careless 
 
48 INTRODUCING ONE'S ACQUAINTANCES 
 
 enough to introduce two persons who may be par- 
 ticularly anxious to avoid meeting. It is not an 
 uncommon thing, particularly at public gatherings, 
 for two avowed enemies, who are entirely hostile, 
 to be unfortunate enough to meet by formal intro- 
 duction. In such event, both will smile and bow 
 as if delighted, no matter if at heart they are 
 longing to be at one another's throats. The art of 
 self-control and poise under most trying and an- 
 noying conditions is one of the greatest proofs of 
 good breeding. 
 
 At social gatherings, a gentleman should inva- 
 riably rise when introduced either to another gen- 
 tleman or to a lady. There is no necessity for the 
 lady to rise for presentation, if already seated. 
 
 Introductions on the street should be avoided 
 when possible, but when a necessity, a bow and 
 smile is all that is necessary ; unless some particu- 
 larly good reason exists, the parties will then 
 immediately continue on their way. 
 
 There is no excuse that can possibly be given by 
 any gentleman for failing to return a lady's salu- 
 tation ; if he does so, he is a boor and unworthy of 
 social recognition from any one. If, for any good 
 reason, he desires not to recognize the lady, he 
 should avoid every possibility of meeting her face 
 to face, going out of his way to accomplish this, 
 if necessary. 
 
 A lady who gives a direct cut to a gentleman 
 whom she has met, without some plausible and 
 reasonable excuse, is equally as reprehensible 
 
INTRODUCING ONE'S ACQUAINTANCES 19 
 
 A lady has the privilege of refusing to meet a 
 gentleman, but if she should desire to present two 
 gentlemen acquaintances one to the other, they 
 should amiably consent to such introduction, even 
 though undesired. However, the remarks hereto- 
 fore given on this subject relative to not making 
 introductions unless fairly certain they will not 
 be disagreeable, should apply in this instance as 
 well. 
 
 If some well-meaning but misinformed indi- 
 vidual should suddenly introduce a gentleman to 
 a lady, even though the lady particularly desires 
 not to meet him, she should invariably acknowl- 
 edge the introduction courteously and converse 
 pleasantly during the interview ; she has the privi- 
 lege to forget this introduction and fail to recog- 
 nize the gentleman in the future, but should avoid 
 meeting him under these circumstances, if 
 possible. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 CONVEESATION 
 
 And now we come to one of the most important 
 qualifications for success socially or in the busi- 
 ness world. 
 
 To be a good conversationalist is to be a shining 
 light and a desirable addition to any social gather- 
 ing. It not only requires command of the English 
 language, a good vocabulary and general informa- 
 tion on many subjects, but again that quality so 
 essential in social life, and, alas, so seldom pos- 
 sessed, " tact." One must know when to talk and 
 when to listen must realize intuitively when the 
 conversation is holding the interest of the assem- 
 blage or boring them to. distraction. 
 
 We have heretofore mentioned that one may 
 gain the reputation of being intelligent by simply 
 becoming a good " listener." 
 
 Celebrities and other notables generally have 
 hobbies. A genius is almost invariably selfish and 
 desires to force the conversation along certain 
 lines regardless of the wishes of others. A young 
 man or young woman, although greatly bored by 
 the trend of such conversation, should pay com- 
 plete and deferent attention to same. If there is 
 a more dry topic of conversation than higher 
 mathematics, the author does not at the moment 
 recall it. A member of the Faculty of one of our 
 leading universities, whose particular line and 
 
 50 
 
CONVERSATION 51 
 
 hobby was Advanced Calculus and other branches 
 of mathematics sat next to a young man at an 
 alumni banquet one night several years ago. This 
 particular young man loathed mathematics ; he ab- 
 hored geometry, trigonometry, and had barely 
 managed to slip through his final examinations on 
 account of his woeful lack of knowledge of the 
 rudiments of even the lower branches of mathe- 
 matics. The learned professor seized this young 
 man as his lawful prey, fairly swamped him with 
 dissertations, concrete problems and obtuse calcu- 
 lations. Our young friend, realizing his complete 
 ignorance of the topics and conversation, and 
 hating it all with a deep and bitter hatred, in- 
 wardly cursing the fate that had thrust him next 
 to this human calculating machine, yet at all times 
 preserved an attitude of polite and complete at- 
 tention, occasionally asking a safe and sane ques- 
 tion, but never betraying by the flicker of an eye- 
 lash that he was boiling and seething inwardly. 
 After the banquet the expert mathematician re- 
 marked to a leading financial magnate who hap- 
 pened to be present that he had never before met 
 a young man whose general knowledge of mathe- 
 matics was so sound and whose ideas were so ex- 
 cellent. The financial magnate in questions, always 
 on the lookout for good material, began to notice 
 the young man, engaged him in conversation, 
 found him really well informed on general subjects 
 and offered him a good position. This young 
 man is now in position to be a power in the busi- 
 ness world sooner or later. He owes it entirely to 
 
CONVERSATION 53 
 
 his ability to control his feelings, to extend polite 
 and courteous attention to the conversation of 
 some one whom he realized as his superior. This 
 is, of course, an exceptional case, but serves to 
 illustrate the fact that "listening" as well as 
 ' ' conversing ' ' is one of the valuable and essential 
 ways of showing that one is well bred. 
 
 The really good conversationalist will never mo- 
 nopolize the conversation, he will never bore his 
 listeners. All hostesses realize what a feature at 
 a dinner or any other social gathering he is ; he is 
 in demand, his engagement book is always full; 
 he can dine away from home every evening if he 
 so desires. He carefully chooses his topics to suit 
 the tastes of his audience, never talking over their 
 heads nor descending to coarse anecdotes. 
 
 "We cannot all of us be good conversationalists. 
 However, we can certainly all be good listeners 
 it is the greatest compliment one can pay another 
 to give respectful, deferential attention to his con- 
 versation. This is not to be misconstrued as indi- 
 cating that we shall, most of us, become inane, 
 with no ideas of our own or ability to express 
 them; rather it is a warning not to force one's 
 ideas upon an individual or company unless we are 
 fairly certain that our expressions are not mo- 
 notonous and uninteresting to them. Talk fre- 
 quently, but not for any great length of time. 
 
 Ability to use what is commonly known as 
 " small talk " is quite essential if we are to suc- 
 ceed socially. No matter how profound our ideas 
 and how unlimited our knowledge of weighty 
 
54 CONVERSATION 
 
 topics, we will be at sea at the average social 
 function unless familiar to a certain extent with 
 the art of talking for a time upon nothing in 
 particular. 
 
 Above all, never lose your temper in public 
 The discussion of certain topics, religion or poli- 
 tics, for example, frequently leads to heated dis- 
 cussion, .not infrequently followed by the princi- 
 pals in the debate completely losing their self- 
 control and resorting to abusive if slightly veiled 
 insinuations. In such instance, the man who keeps 
 himself in hand, smiles, refuses to take offense no 
 matter how bitter his adversary's remarks may be, 
 invariably appears as the courteous, polished man 
 of the world, while he who stoops to abuse and 
 hurls undignified and uncalled for epithets and 
 phrases loses the respect of the entire company. 
 It matters not whether or not he is in the right. 
 His actions will place him in the wrong. 
 
 In the same manner, wit and humor are the 
 life of any gathering. The man or woman who 
 has a ready and witty answer for all attempts to 
 turn the laugh their way quickly gains the reputa- 
 tion of having a keen sense of humor. However, 
 the man who is witty at the expense of some one 
 else is a cad. A woman who makes sharp and 
 cutting remarks gains the reputation, and quite 
 correctly, of being a " cat." It is downright 
 cruelty and will sooner or later come back with 
 full force upon any one who gains a laugh by 
 some remark that brings a flush to the cheek or 
 tears to the eyes of some one else. 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 WEDDINGS 
 
 Wedding invitations should be engraved, pref- 
 erably in fine script, although other styles are now 
 frequently being used with perfect propriety. 
 The decidedly best form for a wedding invitation 
 is on note-sized paper ; about 4^ by 7 inches is the 
 popular size, although any reputable stationery 
 dealer's advice may be safely followed relative to 
 this matter; styles change, so it is thought best 
 not to be too explicit along this line ; consult your 
 most reliable engraver or stationer as to size and 
 style of paper, envelopes, etc. 
 
 These invitations should be placed in an envel- 
 ope and the name of the person for whom intended 
 written thereon; this envelope should be re- 
 enclosed in another large envelope for the com- 
 plete address. 
 
 The following is a perfectly proper form: 
 
 Church weddings are usually followed by a re- 
 ception at the home of the bride, or under the 
 supervision of the bride's parents or guardian; 
 it may be given at a hotel or some other public 
 place, if preferred. A great many invitations 
 are sent out to formal acquaintances for the 
 church ceremony, but personal friends only, as a 
 general rule, are invited to the reception. Cards 
 for the reception are engraved, size about 3^ by 
 inches, as follows : 
 
 55 
 
56 WEDDINGS 
 
 Mr. anil Mrs. William 
 
 V ^s 
 
 nt ike mnmne 0f ikerr 
 
 * JVsltimt 
 
 tt l^ebucsiiRg, ^ram&rg fctttii 
 
 at ttm ^'rltxtk, p. m. 
 Church xjf ike 
 
WEDDINGS 57 
 
 It is customary to send out wedding invitations 
 about fifteen days in advance of the ceremony, 
 even earlier where friends are located at some 
 distance. 
 
 The invitation for the reception should be en- 
 closed in the same envelope with the invitation to 
 the church ceremony. 
 
 The home wedding is usually a quiet affair. 
 The invitations should be exactly the same as for 
 
 if xirit 
 
 lite plrrtsnre *rf gtutr cxxmpajrg 
 at tkt toe&txttx; rrcrpiiiui xxf t Jjrir itanjlit 
 
 nnb 
 
 cfccjtiitg 
 f rum te 
 
58 WEDDINGS 
 
 the church ceremony, inserting street and number 
 on same instead of the church. The reception card 
 is, of course, not used for home weddings, for as a 
 general rule, intimate and personal friends only 
 are invited to home weddings. 
 
 Where a wedding ceremony has been performed 
 privately for some reason, the event should be im- 
 mediately published in the local newspapers and 
 announcements sent out as follows : 
 
 Jlr. attii Jt jrg. Btilism 
 
 Ikz maoism* nf ifeeir 
 
 ** 
 
 t. 
 
 tenth 
 
WEDDINGS 59 
 
 ceived " may be engraved in the lower left-hand 
 
 If so desired, the words " No presents re- 
 corner of the invitation. 
 
 All expenses for the invitations, breakfast, re- 
 ceptions, etc., should be borne by the parents or 
 guardian of the bride. Until after the ceremony 
 she has no claim whatsoever on the groom's purse 
 and it is exceedingly bad form for him to share 
 in the expense. 
 
 It is the bride's prerogative to name the wed- 
 ding day. However, in this she is usually guided 
 by advice from her mother, and after consultation 
 with the groom. 
 
 Wedding presents should be publicly displayed 
 for the inspection of the guests after the cere- 
 mony at the home of the bride. Each present 
 should be accompanied by a card with the name of 
 the giver. Presents are invariably addressed to 
 the bride. She must acknowledge each gift, after 
 the ceremony, with some courteous note of ac- 
 knowledgment, even though the giver may be a 
 friend of the groom's and entirely unknown to 
 her. 
 
 At a church wedding, ushers play quite an im- 
 portant part in the ceremony. In the evening they 
 should be dressed in Full Dress, with white kid 
 gloves. Their duties are to escort the guests to 
 their seats, to see that relatives and intimates are 
 properly placech* The usher should offer his right 
 arm to the lady when escorting them down the 
 
60 WEDDINGS 
 
 aisle; if a gentleman is with the lady, he should 
 follow a few steps behind. 
 
 The head usher makes sure that all necessary 
 arrangements have been made, watches for the 
 wedding party, gives the final signal to the 
 organist, etc. 
 
 The best man is chosen by the groom and is 
 usually his best friend. He accompanies him to 
 the church or residence of the bride, stands by 
 him while he awaits the bride's approach, then 
 steps directly back of him, holding his hat during 
 the ceremony and presenting it to him afterwards. 
 It is he who attends to all small details, paying the 
 wedding fee, the organist, dispensing tips, etc.; 
 in fact, his name is indicative of just what his 
 duties are he is the best man in every sense of 
 the word. If any papers are to be signed, it is he 
 who signs as witness. After the ceremony he im- 
 mediately leaves and proceeds to the bride's resi- 
 dence, or place of reception, and assists the ushers 
 in making all arrangements for proper presenta- 
 tion of guests to the newlyweds. He also makes 
 all necessary arrangements for the departure of 
 the bride and groom, buying their railroad tickets, 
 arranging for transportation to the station, etc. 
 
 The bride selects her own bridesmaids ; they vary 
 in number from one to twelve, as desired. They 
 are made up of friends of the bride or her family, 
 and should be, when possible, younger than the 
 bride herself. 
 
 A conference between bridesmaids, the bride and 
 
WEDDINGS 61 
 
 the bride's mother is extremely necessary. Care 
 should be taken in the selection of their costume 
 for the occasion to avoid harsh and violent con- 
 trasts in colors, styles, etc. 
 
 If the wedding is at a church, the groom arrives 
 first, and with him comes his best man. They re- 
 main unobtrusively out of sight, in the church par- 
 lor or waiting room. The relatives come next, the 
 bridesmaids and the mother of the bride. The 
 bride comes in a carriage with her father or 
 guardian. 
 
 The Ceremony 
 
 First come the ushers, walking by twos up the 
 aisle; if children have been secured with baskets 
 of flowers, or as bridesmaids, they follow the 
 ushers; then come the bridesmaids, immediately 
 followed by the bride on the arm of her father or 
 guardian, or whoever is to give her away. 
 
 The groom, having in the meantime come from 
 the waiting room, accompanied by the best man, 
 should be waiting the bride at the altar steps. 
 The ushers and bridesmaids separate, passing to 
 the right and left, evenly divided, making room for 
 the bridal couple. 
 
 At that point of the service where the clergyman 
 asks the question, " Who giveth this woman to be 
 married to this man?" the father or guardian or 
 relative should step forward, then leave the wed- 
 ding company and seat himself with the bride's 
 mother. 
 
WEDDINGS N 63 
 
 The first bridesmaid takes the bride's bouquet, 
 assists in removing her glove, etc. The best man 
 should have the ring in readiness to hand to the 
 clergyman. 
 
 Prior to the ceremony, while the guests are 
 assembling, the organist or pianist will play ap- 
 propriatejnusjc. Immediately upon being notified 
 that the bridal party have arrived and are ready 
 for the grand march to the altar, he will play the 
 wedding march until they have reached the altar. 
 During the ceremony, it is entirely proper and 
 somewhat impressive to have soft music played, 
 not sufficiently loud to drown out the voice of the 
 clergyman or the responses of the bride and 
 groom. Immediately after the ceremony, the mu- 
 sician in charge should once more commence the 
 wedding march, swelling louder and louder as the 
 party pass out of the church. 
 
 Eefreshments are served at the reception, vary- 
 ing at the desire of the parties concerned, from a 
 light buffet lunch to a course dinner. 
 
 The bride's wedding dress is left to the taste 
 and is decided by the purse of the individual who 
 pays for it. It may be elaborate or plain ; the use 
 of white is urged, however. It seems indeed a pity 
 to depart in any way from this custom. She 
 should avoid the use of jewelry and her bouquet 
 should be of orange blossoms; where imprac- 
 ticable to obtain them, however, white lilacs, lilies 
 of the valley, etc., may be carried. White shoes, 
 white silk stockings and white kid gloves are the 
 
64 WEDDINGS 
 
 accessories to accompany the bride's toilet. The 
 veil, if worn, should be of tulle or something 
 similar. 
 
 A sensible custom is for the bride, when leaving 
 immediately upon a honeymoon trip after a very 
 quiet wedding, to wear a simple traveling costume. 
 It is then perfectly proper for the groom to wear a 
 plain business suit. 
 
 Upon the occasion of a second marriage, either 
 of a widow or divorcee, the use of a white gown 
 or orange blossoms is prohibited. Her wedding 
 should be as quiet and unobtrusive as possible. 
 She may have as elaborate a wedding gown as 
 desired, but must avoid plain white. 
 
 If the wedding occurs in the morning hours, the 
 bridegroom and best man, ushers, and guests 
 should wear black cutaway or frock coats. At 
 the present time, dark trousers are considered 
 preferable, although with a frock coat it is per- 
 fectly good taste to wear light colors, preferably 
 gray. Light colored gloves should be worn, black 
 or patent leather shoes, and black ties. 
 
 If the wedding occurs after six o 'clock in the 
 afternoon, all parties should wear regulation Full 
 Dress, with white kid gloves. Silk hats or stiff 
 hats should be worn to complete the costume; a 
 silk hat is the proper head covering to accompany 
 Full Dress ; the stiff hat may be worn in the morn- 
 ing with cutaway or frock coat, if desired. 
 
 A very pretty custom is the observance and 
 
WEDDINGS 65 
 
 celebration of wedding anniversaries. The follow- 
 ing are the anniversaries in their regular order: 
 
 V 
 
 First Year Cotton 
 
 Second Year Paper 
 
 Third Year Leather 
 
 Fifth Year Wooden 
 
 Seventh Year Woolen 
 
 Tenth Year Tin 
 
 Twelfth Y T ear Silk 
 
 Fifteenth Year Crystal 
 
 Twentieth Year China 
 
 Twenty-fifth Year. . . .Silver 
 
 Fiftieth Year Gold 
 
 Seventy-fifth Year . . . .Diamond 
 
 Invitations are properly sent out as follows : 
 
 1914 1919 
 
 Fifth Anniversary 
 Mr. and Mrs. Charles H. Irvin 
 
 At Home 
 Friday Evening, March 22, 1919 
 
 At 8:30 o'Clock 
 1718 Logan Place. 
 
 This invitation is very effective if printed on a 
 very thin sheet of wood or imitaton thereof. 
 
 The invitation to the tin wedding may be printed 
 on a sheet of tin foil; invitations to silver anni- 
 
66 WEDDINGS 
 
 versaries should be engraved on an elegant white 
 card in silver letters and the same card with gold 
 letters for the golden wedding. If any couple is 
 so fortunate as to celebrate their diamond wed- 
 ding, the invitations should be most elaborate, with 
 clear lettering engraved on the very heaviest and 
 finest paper obtainable. 
 
 The invitation cards in all cases should be, as 
 in the case of wedding invitations, enclosed in an 
 envelope and then re-enclosed in a larger one for 
 address. 
 
 The observance of these anniversaries is urged 
 upon all married couples, particularly those that 
 have reached their silver wedding; nothing tends 
 to restore honeymoon conditions and promote and 
 retain the feelings of affection to a greater extent 
 than remembering and celebrating these mile- 
 stones on the matrimonial path of life. What is 
 more beautiful than to see a couple after fifty 
 years of married life standing up together, after 
 having safely withstood the cares and trials that 
 beset every one in this world, the lovelight some- 
 what dimmed but still beaming from their eyes, 
 surrounded by their children, grand-children and 
 oftentimes great-grandchildren; truly they are 
 indeed blessed, 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 THE ETIQUETTE OF CALLING 
 
 The time for making formal calls varies ; in this 
 country the usual hours are from four until about 
 five-forty-five. A great many people dine at six; 
 it is well to bear this in mind and not remain until 
 your call interferes with the serving of the even- 
 ing meal. 
 
 Courtesy demands that residents of any section 
 should call upon newcomers. It is useless in a 
 country where there is class distinction to attempt 
 to dictate to the community in general as to just 
 when they should properly call upon strangers 
 who have decided to make their abode in the imme- 
 diate neighborhood. This is a custom that is 
 greatly abused. Frequently well-bred, respect- 
 able, interesting people moving into a new com- 
 munity are made the victims of ostracism through 
 the discourtesy and snobbishness of their new 
 neighbors. Common courtesy demands that we 
 call upon respectable people who have moved into 
 our neighborhood. It is their duty then to return 
 the call. After that, having faithfully done our 
 duty in making the preliminary call, it is optional 
 as to whether or not we care to continue the 
 acquaintance and become more intimate. 
 
 In making formal calls, the lady does not re- 
 move her gloves, hat or veil. A gentleman may 
 carry his hat into the room ; if wearing gloves, the 
 
 67 
 
A POPULAR WASHINGTON DEBUTANTE. 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF CALLING 69 
 
 right should be removed and held in the left 
 gloved hand during the call. 
 
 Fashionable ladies have an " At Home " day, 
 and as a general rule, it is well to arrange to pay 
 formal calls on this day. 
 
 About fifteen minutes is the proper time for a 
 formal call. This may be varied, of course, ac- 
 cording to the intimacy of the person upon whom 
 one is calling, the trend of the conversation, peo- 
 ple we happen to meet while calling, etc. Do not 
 stay too long, and do not leave too soon, thereby 
 giving the impression that you are performing an 
 unpleasant duty. 
 
 In larger cities, it is seldom that the courtesies 
 of calling upon newcomers are regarded seriously. 
 This is, to a certain extent, excusable; the condi- 
 tions of life in the metropolis are different in the 
 extreme to those existing in smaller places. As a 
 general rule, in the city, one does not call upon 
 recent arrivals in the neighborhood unless certain 
 that something in common justifies it, or unless 
 probable that future business or social relations 
 make it advisable for an early acquaintance. In 
 smaller communities, however, it is without doubt 
 the duty of older inhabitants to extend a welcome 
 to new arrivals. Formal calls should be made at 
 the earliest possible moment after the newcomers 
 have had sufficient time to get comfortably 
 settled. 
 
 A very important call is the dinner, breakfast or 
 party call. After one has been entertained at any 
 
70 THE ETIQUETTE OF CALLING 
 
 of the foregoing functions he should not fail to 
 make a formal call upon his hostess. This call 
 should be made within fifteen days. This is an 
 absolutely imperative custom, which is all too 
 frequently neglected. 
 
 It sometimes occurs that an acquaintance is 
 stopping at the home of a person with whom you 
 are not acquainted. You naturally desire to call 
 upon your friend. This is perfectly proper, but 
 you should not fail to inquire for the lady of the 
 house ,and upon leaving should not fail to see that 
 one of your cards has been presented to her. 
 
 A woman may, with perfect propriety, call upon 
 a man upon purely business matters, j Under no 
 circumstances, however, should she make such a 
 call socially. 
 
 Ladies may call at a gentleman's apartments 
 only when accompanied by their mothers or 
 chaperons. Even then it is not advisable unless a 
 considerable degree of intimacy exists. For a lady 
 to call upon a gentleman at his rooms or hotel, un- 
 accompanied, is not only a breach of etiquette, but 
 a violation of the conventions that may result in 
 the blasting of her reputation. 
 
 After a death in the family, calls should not be 
 made except by intimate friends. Such calls are 
 painful and unnecessary when a slight acquaint- 
 ance only exists. A short note of condolence, or 
 visiting cards with the inscription " With sincere 
 sympathy/' is in far better form when a casual 
 acquaintance only exists. 
 
72 THE ETIQUETTE OF CALLING 
 
 Both ladies and gentlemen should call at their 
 earliest convenient opportunity to congratulate a 
 young woman who has announced her engagement 
 to be married. Likewise, calls should be made in 
 acknowledgment of cards sent out by the young 
 mother announcing an addition to the family. 
 
 " At home " days are generally announced by 
 ladies who have any claim to social prominence, 
 and should be strictly observed by callers. These 
 days may be set for one afternoon in each week; 
 where onefs social prestige is sufficient to include 
 a large circle of acquaintances, two days may be 
 announced. The " at home " day and hours 
 should be engraved on the visiting cards of the 
 hostess. On these occasions the hostess makes 
 special arrangements for receiving and entertain- 
 ing her guests. Some form of light refreshment is. 
 customary, while the more wealthy frequently go 
 to the expense of engaging orchestras and profes- 
 sional entertainers. 
 
 The hostess should greet her guests and should 
 in this instance extend her hand in greeting. If 
 her guests are unacquainted, it is her duty to see 
 that they meet ; in fact, her ambition is to see that 
 every one is completely at ease. 
 
 Gentlemen are far less formal in their calls, that 
 is, when calling upon each other. A young man 
 who is desirous of meeting some man of promi- 
 nence should call upon him, if certain that such 
 call will not be presumptuous, if stopping tempo- 
 rarily in the city. It is well to call upon promi- 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF CALLING 73 
 
 nent hien, officials, etc., with a letter of introduc- 
 tion from some one personally acquainted with the 
 person whose acquaintance you desire to make. 
 Business calls upon business men should be made 
 by appointment. When a gentleman is entertain- 
 ing a friend of the same sex, all of his gentlemen 
 friends should call upon them both ; this is a court- 
 esy both to their friend and his guest. 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 BALLS DANCES PAETIES 
 
 Dancing as a wholesome, perfectly respectable 
 and popular form of recreation, is becoming more 
 and more common at all social gatherings, where 
 space permits. The ban on this form of amuse- 
 ment is gradually being lifted by all communities ; 
 in fact, quite recently several religious denomina- 
 tions have publicly withdrawn their prohibitive 
 amendments against what was once considered 
 questionable, if not actually sinful. There is no 
 doubt but what dancing, under proper auspices 
 and supervised by respectable and conservative 
 individuals, is a healthful and entirely proper 
 manner of passing a pleasant evening. Like all 
 other forms of recreation, it may easily be carried 
 to excess, but that is the fault of the person and 
 not of the art of dancing itself. 
 
 Dances vary greatly, from the informal evening, 
 where some member of the party furnishes the 
 music on the piano, or where the Victrola or 
 phonograph is mustered into service, to the Grand 
 Ball, where thousands of dollars are sometimes 
 spent for music, lights, refreshments, etc. 
 
 Nothing adds more to the enjoyment of -a crowd 
 of young people who have been informally invited 
 to spend the evening than an opportunity to 
 choose their partners and whirl around merrily 
 to the tune of the latest waltz; nothing else will 
 
 74 
 
BALLS DANCES PARTIES 75 
 
 quite take the place of the chance to " trip the 
 light fantastic toe." The thoughtful hostess will 
 cater to this desire and see that her young guests 
 have a chance to dance. No matter if the space is 
 limited, they gladly put up with no end of incon- 
 veniences to accomplish the desired result. 
 
 Of course, the first essential for a dance of 
 any size is good music. Now, it is far better to 
 have a small orchestra, well balanced, with compe- 
 tent musicians, than ten or twelve pieces, some of 
 them unskilled and the whole combination lacking 
 practice together; what might be called " team- 
 work " in an orchestra is absolutely necessary. A 
 wonderfully effective combination for a small 
 house consists of piano, violin and violoncello; it 
 is hard to improve upon this. An excellent com- 
 bination for a hall, where expenses are considered 
 seriously and must be kept down, is piano, violin, 
 cornet and clarinet. For a slightly smaller hall, 
 this may be varied by substituting violoncello for 
 the cornet. Where there is no piano, a harp may 
 be used; if this is impracticable, excellent results 
 may be obtained by using a bass violin, first and 
 second violin, violoncello and clarinet; if only 
 four pieces can be used, drop out the clarinet. 
 Avoid brass in small combinations, if possible, 
 except where the size of the hall demands fairl/ 
 loud music. 
 
 A howl of protest will doubtless arise from 
 many young people relative to my suggestions for 
 proper instrumentation in orchestras. They want 
 
BALLS DANCES PARTIES 77 
 
 a drum ! In fact, they demand it ! Just at present, 
 the Jazz Mad crowds crave the volume, syncopa- 
 tion and vibration that nothing else will supply. 
 Even when only three musicians comprise the 
 orchestra, the present strenuous and unnatural 
 dances, abounding in abnormal contortions of the 
 anatomy, such as the "Shimmy," "Bunny Hug," 
 ' ' Boston Bag, ' ' etc., etc., really require this awful 
 travesty on music. Just fancy a combination of 
 Violin, Piano and Drum! Imagination compels 
 us to see Strauss, the Waltz. King, turning un- 
 easily in his grave at the idea. 
 
 The author has seen these spasmodic revolu- 
 tions of the dancing public come and go for many 
 years, but the custom invariably returns to the 
 dreamy waltz, the more conservative dances and 
 the sane orchestra sooner or later. Unless at least 
 seven musicians are employed, a drum is not only 
 superfluous, it is an abomination. 
 
 Invitations for a dance of any magnitude should 
 be sent out ten days or two weeks ahead of time. 
 These invitations should be engraved, if possible. 
 It is not at all bad form, if the function is not 
 strictly formal, for the invitations to be written 
 by hand. 
 
 Young ladies are supposed to be accompanied to 
 balls by their mothers or chaperons; at any time 
 when she has finished dancing, she is at liberty to 
 ask her partner to escort her back to her chaperon. 
 
 A young lady may, with propriety, attend a 
 public dance or ball accompanied by a gentleman, 
 
78 BALLS DANCES PARTIES 
 
 unchaperoned, provided she knows that there will 
 be older married people and other chaperons 
 present. This is a matter, of course, to be left to 
 the discretion of the girl's parents; they will de- 
 cide whether or not the escort is a young man that 
 is suitable and reliable. 
 
 At balls, it is usual to have some one in charge 
 of the floor who will make proper arrangements 
 to see that all of the guests are supplied with 
 partners and that there will be none of the so- 
 called " wall flowers. " There is a regrettable ten- 
 dency on the part of both sexes to dance with those 
 only that are desirable as partners because of 
 their skill in dancing or for some other good rea- 
 son; the perfect lady or gentleman who takes 
 pleasure in making others happy will devote at 
 least a portion of their time in dancing with those 
 who are unfortunate enough not to be in great de- 
 mand as such partners. 
 
 Eefreshments are usually served at all such 
 affairs, varying in style from ice cream and cake 
 to an extremely elaborate spread. A popular form 
 is of salads, sandwiches, coffee, ice cream or sher- 
 bet and cake. This may be served from a buffet 
 or sideboard, presided over by a servant, or by the 
 hostess assisted by some of her intimate friends. 
 In such instance, the ladies remain seated, while 
 the gentlemen serve them each gentleman secur- 
 ing what is desired for himself and partner, then 
 seating himself by her side while eating. At very 
 fashionable affairs midnight supper is served on 
 
BALLS DANCES PARTIES 79 
 
 The following is a good form of invitation: 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Charles Patterson 
 
 Bequest the pleasure of your company 
 
 On Thursday Evening, March the fourth, 
 
 at Nine o 'Clock. 
 
 Dancing 18 Hiller Place. 
 
 Or 
 
 Mrs. Charles Patterson 
 Miss Patterson 
 
 At Home 
 
 Thursday Evening, March the fourth, 
 at Nine o 'Clock 
 
 Dancing 18 Hiller Place. 
 
BALLS DANCES PARTIES 81 
 
 small tables at which all the guests are seated. 
 On such occasions the matter of refreshments is 
 left in the hands of a caterer. 
 
 It is, permissible for guests to arrive slightly 
 late and to leave at such time as they consider it 
 desirable ; although it is well to consult the desires 
 of the hostess in such matters, if possible. If 
 every one came late and left early the affair could 
 scarcely be called a success. 
 
 Evening clothes should be worn at balls; the 
 gentlemen should wear Full Dress. White gloves 
 are a part of the necessary correct attire for men ; 
 it is not unusual for a gentleman to come provided 
 with two pair to prevent soiling the delicate fab- 
 rics worn by any of his partners. When a gentle- 
 man dances without gloves, he should invariably 
 cover his hand with a white handkerchief. The 
 lady's gown may be as elaborate as she can af- 
 ford, being what is termed as " evening gown," 
 decollete and of any color that may be becoming. 
 
 1A! gentleman accompanying ladies to a ball 
 should invariably provide a carriage or taxi- the 
 ladies' costumes demand this courtesy. 
 
 Before leaving balls or parties the guests are 
 bound to find their hostess and express their pleas- 
 ure at the opportunity of having been present and 
 speaking briefly of the enjoyable evening they 
 have spent. 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 THE THEATER 
 
 It is extremely doubtful if any hard and fast 
 rules can be correctly applied to what is right and 
 proper under this form of recreation. Common 
 sense should guide one as to what to wear, whether 
 a taxi is necessary, etc. 
 
 The gentleman who desires to escort his mother, 
 wife or sweetheart to the theater is just as cor- 
 rect, if his means are limited, to use the street 
 car as a means of transportation, and to dress 
 neatly in an every-day business suit. Under these 
 circumstances it would not be advisable to secure 
 the best seats; the dress circle or first balcony 
 would be more proper. The lady should dress 
 accordingly and not wear a low out ovoning gown, 
 or any extreme style. 
 
 The gentleman whose means permit consider- 
 able outlay for an evening at the theater chooses 
 Full Dress, the same costume as has been recom- 
 mended for the public ball. Silk or opera hat and 
 long coat completes the attire. The lady dresses 
 in evening gown, opera coat, if she has one, or if 
 not any coat of light material. No one would be 
 criticized, in moderate circumstances, however, 
 for wearing a stylish dark coat or cloak. The gen- 
 tleman is onco more supposed to secure a carriage 
 or taxi to and from the theater. 
 
 After arrival, it is the gentleman's duty to re- 
 
 82 
 
81 THE THEATER 
 
 main throughout the entire performance with his 
 guests. The going out between acts is extreiriely 
 bad form. Frequently a promenade is provided 
 by the theater management, in which case the gen- 
 tleman should consult the ladies of the party as to 
 whether they desire to avail themselves of this 
 privilege or to remain seated. 
 
 Upon arrival at the theater, the party may or 
 may not check their wraps in the cloakroom. The 
 gentleman should allow the ladies of the party to 
 start up the aisle ahead of them. He then hands 
 his checks to the usher, who precedes the party to 
 their seats, the ladies going first and the gentle- 
 man following; the gentleman should secure pro- 
 grams for the entire party. If his hat and coat 
 have not been placed in the cloakroom, he places 
 his hat under the seat, folds his coat and places it 
 on the back of the chair. 
 
 If the ladies wear hats and veils, they should 
 immediately remove them upon being seated. The 
 hat is held in the lap, the wrap may be folded and 
 placed on the back of the chair. 
 
 All theatergoers should endeavor to arrive in 
 time to be seated before the curtain rises. It is 
 most annoying to others when a party arrives late 
 for various well known reasons. 
 
 It is extremely bad form to converse during the 
 performance; there is likewise no such painful 
 bore as he or she who persists in telling about 
 and describing the play as it progresses, if 
 familiar with same. 
 
THE THEATER 85 
 
 A very pleasant conclusion to an evening at the 
 theater is a light supper at some popular restau- 
 rant or cabaret. This is another occasion where 
 common sense and the ability of the host to stand 
 the expense without embarrassment must decide 
 the question. 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 
 MOUENING 
 
 Would that this unpleasant chapter might be 
 omitted, but the necessity for some suggestions as 
 to proper apparel during this painful period of 
 affliction is obvious. 
 
 For the widow, three distinct periods of mourn- 
 ing are generally observed: 
 
 The first period requires that the entire costume 
 be of black. Black worsted is an admirable mate- 
 rial, with trimming of black crepe. Veils of black 
 crepe of various lengths are customary. At one 
 time these veils were invariably of considerable 
 length, reaching to the ground, and sometimes 
 even trailing behind. Recently, however, the veils 
 have been shortened. A black bonnet of crepe, 
 containing white ruching within the front edge, 
 completes the costume. The gloves should be a 
 dull black. Handkerchiefs should have a black 
 border. The first mourning period should cover a 
 year ; six months is positively the minimum. 
 
 The second mourning permits the wearing for 
 the ensuing six months of black silk or other ma- 
 terials; black hats and jet ornaments. 
 
 The third period follows, permitting a combina- 
 tion of white and black for six months, after which 
 the period of mourning is generally supposed to 
 have been completed, insofar as outward form is 
 concerned. 
 
 36 
 
MOURNING 87 
 
 The time for a widower's mourning is divided 
 into two periods. During the first period black is 
 worn, with white linen. After six months, the sec- 
 ond period permits the use of gray and white in 
 the costume. 
 
 Young girls should not wear crepe. They may 
 wear black gowns and for such period as- they 
 deem proper, not to exceed one year. A black 
 hat should be chosen, but the costume may be re- 
 lieved by small bits of white at the throat or 
 elsewhere. 
 
 The use of a mourning band on the sleeve of a 
 gentleman's coat is customary, but this form is 
 used for almost any close relation. 
 
 A woman should make no calls for at least six 
 months after the death of father or husband, and 
 then only on her more intimate friends. After a 
 year, she may attend dinners and theater parties 
 with propriety, if her heart so desires. Good taste 
 demands, however, she remain as unobtrusive as 
 possible until the mourning period has elapsed. 
 
 Jewelry should not be worn during the mourn- 
 ing period except -something extremely plain. 
 
 Three months is sufficiently long for a mourning 
 period for uncle, aunt or cousin. Mourning is not 
 generally adopted for grandparents or for father 
 of mothers-in-law, 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 
 AT CHUECH 
 
 On no other occasion as on the Sabbath when 
 attending church should one's manners and actions 
 be so entirely correct and beyond any possibility 
 of reproach or criticism. On this day of days we 
 set aside all unpleasant thoughts and devote our 
 time to divine worship, thanking Providence for 
 His many mercies and blessings. 
 
 On Sunday, young people look forward to 
 meeting in quiet but pleasant social intercourse; 
 it is but natural that they should desire to look 
 and appear at their best. The phrase, " dressed 
 up in his best Sunday clothes " is a well known 
 adage and the man or woman who has no special 
 interest in personal appearance at any other time 
 will strive to wear apparel on this occasion that is 
 worthy oif the day. 
 
 For the clergyman, there is nothing in more 
 perfect form than the dark frock coat, dark 
 trousers and white bow tie. Styles may come and 
 go, yet it is doubtful if anything more in har- 
 mony with the surroundings will be found. Cer- 
 tain denominations, of course, require the use of 
 robes in the pulpit, but for all denominations not 
 making such requirements we urge the style men- 
 tioned as appropriate, dignified and impressive. 
 
 Ladies should not hesitate to wear their best, but 
 under no circumstances should dress, wrap, hat or 
 
 S3 
 
AT CHURCH 89 
 
 ornaments be loud or made in such style as to 
 attract attention by extreme colors or cuts. 
 
 For the man, any neat business suit, shoes to 
 match, with tie somewhat more conservative than 
 on week days, may be worn. When possible, dark 
 clothes, black shoes, black or black and white 
 necktie should be selected. A man never looks so 
 well as when wearing black or dark blue clothes ; 
 nothing else is quite as dressy or in as good taste 
 for church. 
 
 It should not be necessary to advise the ladies 
 that an extremely decollette gown would be almost 
 unpardonable on Sundays. It is a regrettable fact, 
 however, that even on communion Sundays some 
 of the fair sex have so little sense of the proprie- 
 ties as to dress in this manner. 
 
 Upon arrival at church, a gentleman precedes 
 the lady down the aisle, stepping one side to allow 
 her to enter the pew first ; if he is a man of family, 
 he stands to one side after leading down the aisle 
 until the family have entered the pew and seated 
 themselves. If ushers are in attendance, the usher 
 leads the way, mother and children following, 
 while the father brings up the rear. The usher 
 stands one side upon reaching the seat to which 
 the family has been led, remains there until all are 
 seated and then returns to his place at the rear of 
 the church. Ushers should greet all comers with 
 a smile and hand clasp; particularly strangers, 
 with some appropriate words of welcome. 
 
 Eespectful and reverent attention should be paid 
 
AT CHURCH 91 
 
 to the sermon, while all should participate as 
 heartily as possible in the responses and singing 
 of hymns. The chief trial of a clergyman's dis- 
 course is a partially inattentive congregation; 
 whispering or allowing one's gaze to wander aim- 
 lessly about the room should be avoided, as to dp 
 either of these things is to show a lack of polite 
 breeding and is a direct slight to your pastor. 
 Whether one is a professed Christian or not, tho 
 head should be reverently bowed during prayer. 
 
 Too much stress cannot be laid on urging every 
 one to arrive on time. It is most trying to pastor 
 and congregation alike to'have stragglers entering 
 ten, fifteen and twenty minutes after the com- 
 mencement of services. One should be seated be- 
 fore the conclusion of the voluntary by the organ- 
 ist, in ample time to join in singing the Doxology. 
 
 At the conclusion of services, it is customary 
 for the pastor to precede the congregation to the 
 front door, greeting and dismissing each indi- 
 vidual with a smile, a hand clasp and some few 
 appropriate words. 
 
 It is at this time that friends and fellow- 
 Christians meet after the week's arduous toils in 
 perfect understanding, at which time all animosi- 
 ties and hostile feelings should be forgotten. The 
 beautiful hymn of communion should be in one's 
 mind as the proper conclusion of the service 
 
 ''Blest be the tie that binds 
 Our hearts in Christian Love." 
 
92 AT CHURCH 
 
 Church members should lose no opportunity to 
 meet and warmly welcome strangers ; many an un- 
 happy, lonesome, discouraged man or woman has 
 been brought to the Light at such a time by the 
 kindly clasp of the hand and the welcoming smile 
 of a true Christian, accompanied by tactful and 
 pleasant but not inquisitive inquiries. 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 
 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 This chapter is devoted to a few proper forms 
 of the more common communications necessary in 
 social and business life. The subject is so exten- 
 sive that the author finds it impossible to give 
 but a limited number of examples. Those most 
 likely to be commonly and frequently used have 
 been selected after considerable thought on this 
 most important art. 
 
 BUSINESS LETTERS 
 
 Answering an Advertisement in the Newspaper. 
 The following form may be correctly used in 
 answering practically any business advertisement 
 appearing in a local newspaper, varying the 
 phraseology to suit the position for which appli- 
 cation is being made : 
 
 Newark, N. J., 
 December 15, 1919. 
 Mr. John D. Smith, 
 
 Commercial Building, City. 
 Sir: 
 
 Replying to your ad in today 's "Star," I am 
 twenty-seven years of age and have had seven 
 consecutive years ' experience with reputable firms 
 as stenographer. I am accustomed to rapid dicta- 
 tion and my work has been always considered 
 accurate. I respectfully request a personal inter- 
 view to enable me to present my testimonials. 
 Very respectfully, 
 
 Henry G. Stiles, 
 Phone Main 3608. 1845 De Kalb Avenue. 
 
 93 
 
94 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 For a Position as Cook, Chambermaid, Butler, 
 Chauffeur, Housekeeper, etc. 
 
 Wheeling, West Va., 
 
 January 23, 1919. 
 Sir (or Madam) : 
 
 Having learned indirectly that you require the 
 services of an experienced chauffeur, I respect- 
 fully request to be considered as an applicant for 
 the position. I am unmarried, twenty-eight years 
 of age and have served in this capacity for three 
 years with Dr. H. L. Winters, to whom I respect- 
 fully refer you for reference as to my character 
 and ability. I am, 
 
 Yours, most respectfully, 
 
 James H. Wilson, 
 1453 Belford Eoad. 
 
 The above form may be changed to suit the oc- 
 casion and the position desired. To those indi- 
 viduals who desire to apply for positions as ser- 
 vants, we urgently suggest the use of a dictionary, 
 as nothing creates a poor impression more quickly 
 than improper spelling. 
 
 While most business corporations place the 
 name and address of addressee at the commence- 
 ment of the letter, yet it is considered correct and 
 in some cases preferable to simply commence the 
 letter " Sir "or " Madam, " and to place the 
 name and address in the lower left-hand corner 
 of the finished communication. 
 
 And right here let it be known that the United 
 States Civil Service Commission has long held 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 95 
 
 this as the proper form. Those who contemplate 
 taking a civil service examination should bear this 
 in mind, as the Commission is extremely strict in 
 its rulings and it is as well to be absolutely correct. 
 The following form would doubtless be accepted 
 as practically correct by the United States Civil 
 Service Commission : 
 
 Washington, D. C., 
 
 September 18, 1919. 
 Sir: 
 
 In reply to your interrogation relative to the 
 opinion of the soldiers of the First Division who 
 have recently returned from France relative to 
 the League of Nations, you are advised that upon 
 personally approaching twenty-five men, all of 
 whom wore service stripes, it was ascertained that 
 the opinion was about equally divided. The result 
 of the inquiry was as follows : 
 
 Twelve men were in favor of the treaty without 
 change ; ten favored ratification with reservations, 
 while threejwere against ratification in any form. 
 Thus, it would appear that opinion is about as 
 evenly divided in the military as in civil life. 
 Very respectfully, 
 
 James H. Wallace. 
 To the Secretary, 
 
 U. S. Civil Service Commission, 
 Washington, D. 0. 
 
 The civil service examination generally requires 
 that your examination number be signed instead of 
 the name. The applicant who follows the above 
 form will not go far astray. 
 
96 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 Ordering Goods by Mail 
 
 In transmitting an order for articles to some 
 mail order house, several things should be most 
 carefully observed: 
 
 First Be sure you have figured up the correct 
 amount of money to enclose, including postage or 
 express charges ; 
 
 Second Be sure that you have the correct 
 catalogue style and page number, if ordered from 
 a catalogue ; 
 
 Third Be sure that you have given the sj^e, 
 color, etc., of the article desired. Above all, see 
 that you have given your correct address. 
 
 Most large mail order houses furnish order 
 blanks. It frequently occurs, however, that no 
 such blanks are available, and the following form 
 is suggested, to be varied to suit: 
 
 617 Maple Ave., N. W., 
 Washington, D. C., 
 
 January 28, 1919. 
 Montgomery Ward & Co., 
 
 Chicago, Ills. 
 Gentlemen : 
 
 Enclosed find $37.85, for which please send me 
 by parcel post, special delivery, at your earliest 
 convenience : 
 
 3 Pair Ladies' Black Silk Hose, Size .8%, 
 $2.50 per pair, Style 1608-F, Page 153, 
 
 your 1919 Catalogue $ 7.50 
 
 6 Yards Navy Blue Serge, $4.00 per yard, 
 
 Style 345-G, Page 217 24-00 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 97 
 
 2 Dozen Gentlemen's Collars, $3.00 per 
 
 dozen, Style 18007-H, Page 343 6.00 
 
 $37.50 
 
 Postage 25 
 
 Special delivery 10 
 
 $37.85 
 Very respectfully, 
 
 Charles H. Evans. 
 
 Delaying Payment of Rent in City or Country for 
 Unavoidable Reasons 
 
 Atlanta, Ga., 
 August 25, 1919. 
 My dear Sir : 
 
 It is with great regret that I am forced to re- 
 quest you to postpone the payment of the rent 
 which will be due on the first of the coming month. 
 A combination of unfortunate circumstances has 
 made this request unavoidable. My financial em- 
 barrassment is only temporary and within sixty 
 days I shall be able to make up for all back pay- 
 ments and to renew my regular monthly payments 
 as they become due. 
 
 Trusting that you may see fit to extend this 
 courtesy to me and assuring you of my apprecia- 
 tion, I am, 
 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 William A. Henderson. 
 To Chas. H. Irwin, 
 Atlanta, Ga. 
 
 The above letter must, of course, be varied to 
 suit the circumstances. Great care should be 
 exercised to make no promises of payment on a 
 
98 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 certain date unless absolutely certain that nothing 
 will prevent the prompt liquidation of the debt on 
 the day mentioned. It is frequently unavoidable 
 to postpone payment-of rent or other bills, through 
 illness or financial misfortunes, but it is inexcus- 
 able to promise to pay at a certain time and then 
 fail to do so. Nothing has a tendency to injure a 
 man's reputation and business standing as con- 
 tniually making promises which cannot be kept. 
 
 Practically the same form may be used in re- 
 questing an extension of interest due on a mort- 
 gage, changing the wording of the communication 
 accordingly. 
 
 Requesting the Temporary Loan of a Small Sum 
 
 In preparing the following letter, it is the as- 
 sumption that a man will not request a loan from 
 any but a friend, relative or intimate certainly 
 not of a comparative stranger. 
 
 Cleveland, Ohio, 
 
 July 5, 1919. 
 John H. Edwards, Esq., 
 Attorney at Law, 
 
 Cumberland Bldg., City. 
 My dear John : 
 
 There are few of my friends to whom I should 
 write for financial assistance, but I feel that you 
 will understand and appreciate the fact that the 
 request would not be made except for urgent 
 reasons. 
 
 I am absolutely obliged to secure $15.00 until 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING . 99 
 
 next Friday-, the 12th instant, at which time I 
 shall be in position to repay same without 
 difficulty. 
 
 I feel sure -that you will be willing to let me 
 have this amount for the short time specified if 
 convenient. If, for any reason, it is impossible 
 for you to comply with my request, I assure you 
 that there will not be the slightest of hard feelings 
 upon my part for your refusal. 
 Sincerely, 
 
 Edgar H. Wilkins. 
 
 Granting the Request 
 
 Mr. Edgar H. Wilkins, 
 
 1440 Kennard St., City. 
 Dear Ed : 
 
 It is with great pleasure that I comply with 
 your request and enclose herewith my check for 
 $15.00 Trusting that this remittance will reach 
 you in ample time, I am, 
 
 Most sincerely, 
 
 John H. Edwards. 
 
 Refusing 
 
 Mr. Edgar H. Wilkins, 
 
 1440 Kennard St.. City. 
 Dear Ed : 
 
 I trust you will believe me sincere when I assure 
 you that nothing would give me more pleasure 
 than to comply with your request and loan you 
 the small amount requested. There have been so 
 many financial matters requiring my attention re- 
 cently that my bank account is practically ex- 
 hausted ; in fact, I have not half of the amount you 
 desire now on deposit. 
 
 Regretting my ability to accommodate you this 
 
100 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 time, and trusting you will thoroughly understand 
 nay refusal, 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 John H. Edwards. 
 
 Repaying the Loan 
 
 Cleveland, Ohio, 
 
 John H. Edwards, Esq., July 12 ' 1919< 
 
 Attorney at Law, 
 
 Cumberland Bldg., City. 
 My dear John : 
 
 Herewith please find enclosed my check for 
 $15.00 in payment of the loan which you so kindly 
 advanced me about a week ago. I shall not forget 
 your courtesy and trust that you will not fail to 
 call upon me at any time that I may have an op- 
 portunity of reciprocating. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 Edgar H. Wilkins. 
 
 // Payment Has Been Delayed 
 
 John H. Edwards, Esq., 
 Attorney at Law, 
 
 Cumberland Bldg., City. 
 My dear John : 
 
 The enclosed remittance of $15.00 should have 
 been sent you on the 12th instant. I deeply regret 
 the circumstances which compelled me to delay 
 payment and hope that you will overlook my tem- 
 porary delinquency. 
 
 With sincere thanks and trusting that the 
 slight delay has not seriously inconvenienced you, 
 I remain, 
 
 Yours, most sincerely, 
 
 Edgar H. Wilkins. 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 101 
 
 The loan having been made has not been repaid 
 at the time specified. After a reasonable time t the 
 following letter should be written: 
 
 Cleveland, Ohio, 
 
 July 31, 1919. 
 Mr. Edgar It. Wilkins, 
 
 1440 Kennard St., City. 
 My dear Wilkins : 
 
 I feel sure that you have simply overlooked the 
 fact that the $15.00 I loaned you several weeks 
 ago was to have been repaid on the 12th instant. 
 Having several pressing obligations to meet, I 
 should appreciate your courtesy in giving this 
 your early attention. 
 
 Trusting that you will understand and pardon 
 me for bringing this small matter to your 
 attention, 
 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 John H. Edwards. 
 
 // the gentleman fails to reply to the foregoing 
 letter within a reasonable time, the following is 
 justifiable: 
 
 Cleveland, Ohio, 
 September 10, 1919. 
 Mr. Edgar H. Wilkins, 
 
 1440 Kennard St., City. 
 Dear Sir: 
 
 Over a month ago, I wrote you courteously 
 concerning the $15.00 loaned you early in July. 
 You are of course aware that this should have 
 been paid long ago. Your failure to meet your 
 obligation and your continued silence concerning 
 the matter, if persisted in, will eventually destroy 
 the respect and confidence I have always held 
 for you. 
 
102 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 My patience is becoming exhausted, and I shall 
 expect a satisfactory reply from you by return 
 
 mail. xr ,, 
 
 1 ours very respectfully, 
 
 John H. Edwards. 
 
 Request to Open an Account 
 
 Chicago, Ills., 
 January 3, 1919. 
 Washburn Elliott Furniture Co., 
 
 2345 Michigan Ave., City. 
 Gentlemen : 
 
 I am contemplating furnishing an apartment in 
 the " Belvedere, " containing six rooms, and your 
 firm carries practically everything necessary for 
 my desires. As my income from my salaried posi- 
 tion at Ferryman Brothers Brokerage Office is 
 not sufficient to enable me to pay cash for my 
 purchases, I should appreciate your considering 
 my request for credit. I shall be pleased to call at 
 any time that is convenient to consult with you 
 relative to terms. 
 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 Frank K. Hendricks. 
 
 Or as Follows: 
 
 Chicago, Ills., 
 Illinois Dry Goods Co., January 3, 1919. 
 
 456 South Dearborn, 
 Chicago, Ills. 
 
 Gentlemen : 
 
 I should appreciate the privilege of purchasing 
 goods from your firm at various times and making 
 monthly settlements. I am employed in the office 
 of the Chicago and Northwestern Kailway Com- 
 pany at a salary of $35.00 per week, and as it is 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 103 
 
 frequently inconvenient to pay cash between pay 
 days, the above mentioned courtesy would be a 
 great convenience. Your bills will be honored 
 and promptly met on the first day of each month. 
 Yours very respectfully, 
 
 Frank K. Hendricks. 
 
 Letter of Resignation 
 
 Baltimore, Md., 
 September 15, 1919. 
 Empire Building & Loan Ass'n, 
 1345 E. Baltimore Street, 
 
 Baltimore, Md. 
 Gentlemen : 
 
 It is with sincere regret that I am compelled to 
 tender my resignation as assistant bookkeeper in 
 your office, effective at close of business Septem- 
 ber 30, 1919. The Penn State Insurance Company 
 has made me an offer which is so satisfactory that 
 it would be extremely foolish of me to decline. 
 
 I am severing my connections with your firm 
 with reluctance, and shall always retain the most 
 pleasant recollections of my service while in your 
 employ. If consistent, I should appreciate some 
 brief letter of recommendation in the event that 
 you feel such testimonial fully justified. 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 Frederick A. Grant. 
 
 The Testimonial 
 
 Baltimore, Md., 
 
 October 1, 1919. 
 To whom it may concern : 
 
 This is to certify that Frederick A. Grant has 
 voluntarily severed his connection with our firm 
 
104 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 after three years of faithful and efficient service. 
 We regret this action on his part, but are glad 
 that he goes to a position more commensurate 
 with his abilities and with more chance for 
 advancement. 
 
 In addition to having been loyal and conscien- 
 tious in the performance of his duties and uni- 
 formly courteous, he has displayed more than 
 ordinary executive ability and initiative. 
 
 William A. Watson, 
 President and Treasurer, 
 WAW. Empire Building & Loan Ass'n. 
 
 NOTE. As stated at the commencement of this 
 chapter, it would be a physical impossibility to 
 give samples of all of the correct forms for busi- 
 ness and social correspondence. The foregoing 
 business communications have been carefully pre- 
 pared, following the most modern and up-to-date 
 forms adopted by the leading corporations and, 
 in many cases, by the United States Government. 
 First of all, common sense and judgment must 
 guide the writer of any epistle ; avoid placing .on 
 paper anything of whatever nature that may 
 bring unpleasant situations and conditions in the 
 future. Never write anything that you are not 
 able and willing to substantiate if brought face 
 to face with the person you are addressing. 
 
 And right here the author desires to state that 
 the most cowardly and inexcusable thing imagin- 
 able is the anonymous letter. The person who 
 does not possess the moral courage to face a 
 person with accusations or express his sentiments 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 105 
 
 by writing over his own signature frequently re- 
 sorts to sending abusive and insinuating letters 
 through the mail without signing them, or, worse 
 still, over some fictitious signature. It is to be 
 regretted that such action does not constitute 
 criminal offense, and whoever is guilty of this 
 breach o'f etiquette is not fit for decent society. 
 
 The following are examples of some of the most 
 common of social communications. The letters 
 are carefully prepared with a view to giving the 
 readers of this volume the correct idea to follow 
 in preparing almost any communication, varying 
 the wording to suit the occasion. The style, word- 
 ing and general tone of these epistles is as near 
 correct as it is possible to make them. 
 
 An Invitation to Dinner 
 
 NOTE. An invitation to dinner should invari- 
 ably be written by the lady of the house, addressed 
 in like manner in the letter to the lady she desires 
 to entertain. This invitation is placed in an en- 
 velope and may then be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. 
 Brown, the envelope then being re-enclosed in a 
 larger envelope addressed to Mrs. Brown person- 
 ally, and then mailed. 
 
 Yonkers, N. Y., 
 February 5, 1919. 
 
 Dear Mrs. Brown : 
 
 If convenient, we shall be delighted to have you 
 
 dine with us on Wednesday evening, the twelfth, 
 
AN EPISTLE TO HER ABSENT HERO. 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 107 
 
 at 8 o 'clock. The affair is to be informal and you 
 will meet only congenial acquaintances. 
 Cordially yours, 
 
 Eleanor B. Stevens. 
 
 To 
 
 Mrs. William Brown, 
 Addressed. 
 
 Formal dinner invitations are generally printed 
 or engraved, and, if so, should be worded about 
 as follows : 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Faverisham 
 Request the pleasure of your company 
 
 at Dinner 
 
 Thursday, February 12th, 
 at 8 o'Clock. 
 
 475 Warrenton Avenue. 
 
 For a very informal gathering, a plain note may 
 be written by the hostess and sent in a single 
 envelope about as follows: 
 
108 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 Boston, Mass., 
 
 July 7, 119. 
 Dear Margaret: 
 
 We should be very happy to have you and 
 Charles dine with us informally at about 8 o 'clock 
 next Friday evening. Mr. and Mrs. Williams, 
 Mr. Edwards and Miss Devereux will also be 
 present and we expect to devote the evening to 
 cards. Please drop me a line or phone me at your 
 earliest convenience. 
 
 Yours sincerely, 
 
 Esther V. Broverman. 
 To 
 
 Mrs. Margaret Havens, 
 Addressed. 
 
 Dinner Invitation to a Bachelor 
 
 Philadelphia, Penna., 
 
 August 2, 1919, 
 Dear Mr. Hendricks : 
 
 We shall be pleased if you can find it convenient 
 to dine with us on Wednesday evening, the nine- 
 teenth, at 7 :30 P. M. After dinner we are plan- 
 ning to have an informal dance. 
 Cordially yours, 
 
 - Helen V. Powers. 
 To 
 
 Wm. H. Hendricks, 
 Addressed 
 
 The above letter should be sent to the young 
 man's address, or to his club. The young man is 
 expected to reply within at least forty-eight hours, 
 either in the negative or affirmative. 
 
 NOTE. Proper dress for men at a formal dinner 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 109 
 
 is Full Dress, same as to theater, except as to 
 white gloves. To an informal dinner, the Tuxedo 
 or Dinner Jacket is quite correct. Ladies wear 
 evening gowns as elaborate as the occasion and 
 their wardrobe suggest. 
 
 The Bachelor Replies Accepting 
 
 Philadelphia, Penna., 
 
 August 4, 1919. 
 My dear Mrs. Powers : 
 
 It will afford me a great deal of pleasure to 
 accept your kind invitation and dine with you on 
 the evening of the nineteenth. You may expect 
 me at the hour indicated. 
 
 Thanking you for your courtesy, 
 Sincerely, 
 
 Wm. H. Hendricks. 
 To 
 
 Mrs. Helen V. Powers, 
 Addressed. 
 
 Refusing 
 
 Philadelphia, Penna., 
 
 August 4, 1919. 
 My dear Mrs. Powers : 
 
 It is deeply regretted that a previous engage- 
 ment prevents my acceptance of your courteous 
 invitation. Nothing would give me greater pleas- 
 ure than dining with you, and I sincerely trust 
 that I may be given the opportunity of enjoying 
 your hospitality on some future occasion. 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 To Wm. H. Hendricks 
 
 Mrs. Helen V. Powers, 
 Addressed. 
 
110 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 Invitation to a Children's Party 
 
 Washington, D. C., 
 
 December 15, 1919. 
 Dear Mrs. Hawthorne : 
 
 Will you allow your little girls to join a chil- 
 dren 's party at our home at 4 :30 o 'clock on Friday 
 afternoon next! 
 
 It is Marie's birthday, and I*am inviting a few 
 cf her young friends to help celebrate. 
 Sincerely, 
 
 Margaret Evans. 
 
 Accepting 
 
 Washington, D. C., 
 
 December 17, 1919. 
 Dear Mrs. Evans : 
 
 I shall be most happy to accept your invitation 
 for my children. We shall call for them not later 
 than 7 o'clock unless this interferes with your 
 arrangements. 
 
 Thanking you for your thoughtfulness, 
 Sincerely, 
 
 Helen H. Hawthorne. 
 
 Refusing 
 
 Washington, D. C., 
 
 December 17, 1919. 
 Dear Mrs. Evans : 
 
 Thank you so much for your kind invitation to 
 my little ones. Nothing would give either the 
 children or myself greater pleasure than for them 
 to attend Marie's party. 
 
 I regret to say that Mable has been ill for two 
 days with a severe sore throat, and under the cir- 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 111 
 
 
 
 eumstances feel sure that you will understand and 
 appreciate my reasons for declining. 
 
 We all wish Marie many happy returns of the 
 day. 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 Helen H. Hawthorne. 
 
 From One Bachelor to Another 
 
 The Hazelhurst, 
 
 March 4, 1919. 
 My dear Winston : 
 
 Our old friend Hamilton is in town for a few 
 days and I am inviting a few of our mutual 
 friends to meet him at 8 o'clock next Wednesday 
 evening. I should like very much to have you as 
 one of the party. 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 Howard Ellison. 
 John Winston, Esq., 
 University Club. 
 
 Accepting 
 
 University Club, 
 
 March 5, 1919. 
 Dear Ellison: 
 
 It will be a real pleasure both to dine with you 
 and to renew my old acquaintance with our mutual 
 friend Hamilton. I shall be there and look for- 
 ward to a great evening. 
 
 Yours in haste, 
 
 John Winston. 
 Mr. Howard Ellison, 
 The Hazelhurst. 
 
HER SMILE ASSURES A FAVORABLE REPLY. 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 113 
 
 Declining 
 
 University Club, 
 
 March 5, 1919. 
 My dear Ellison: 
 
 Nothing but the most urgent business engage- 
 ment would keep me away from your place 
 Wednesday evening. I shall be in New York at 
 that time, which fact, I feel sure, will be accepted 
 by you as "extenuating circumstances >: for 
 declining. 
 
 Convey to Hamilton and the " good fellows " 
 sure to be present my kindest regards and regrets. 
 Sincerely, 
 
 John Winston. 
 Mr. Howard Ellison, 
 The Hazelhurst. 
 
 When a young man 's timidity or the fact that he 
 can express himself better on paper than by word 
 of mouth makes a formal declaration of marriage 
 by letter advisable, extravagant expressions of 
 endearment and affection should be avoided. The 
 assumption is that the lady of your choice is a 
 young woman of discretion and common sense, 
 and, if so, a letter abounding in alleged metaphor- 
 ical language, highly colored adjectives and some- 
 what " solft " phrases may have a tendency to 
 lessen her regard and respect. Things that may 
 safely be whispered in the ear of a sweetheart 
 look rather out of place and silly when transferred 
 to paper. 
 
114 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 Birmingham, Ala., 
 
 April 4, 1919. 
 Dear Mary : 
 
 I feel that this letter will not be entirely a sur- 
 prise to you. I have been on the point of declaring 
 my affection to you on many occasions, as you 
 may have guessed. However, at such times, the 
 words have simply refused to come, and my cour- 
 age has failed me. I trust that you will under- 
 stand why it is that I am placing on paper that 
 which, up to the present time, I have not dared to 
 speak. 
 
 I have loved you devotedly for many weeks, 
 have admired your many sterling qualities and 
 your sweetness of disposition. I feel that my 
 whole future happiness depends upon your con- 
 senting to become my wife. 
 
 It is unnecessary for me to say that I shall 
 count the minutes until your reply reaches me. 
 I am, with sincere affection, 
 
 Edward H. Patterson. 
 f 
 'Accepting 
 
 Birmingham, Ala., 
 
 April 4, 1919. 
 My dear Edward : 
 
 I will not say that your letter was entirely a 
 surprise to me, and I hasten to assure you that it 
 has given me great happiness. I do not hesitate 
 in saying that your feelings are reciprocated, and 
 that I trust I shall be worthy of your honest 
 affection. 
 
 I shall be glad to see you at any time. 
 Affectionately, 
 
 Mary. 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITIiNG 115 
 
 Rejecting 
 
 Birmingham, Ala., 
 
 April 4, 1919. 
 My dear Mr. Patterson : 
 
 You have paid me the highest compliment a man 
 can possibly pay a woman. I appreciate the 
 honor and regret that I must hasten to advise you 
 that I do not hold the affection for you that a wife 
 should hold for her husband. While I admire and 
 respect you greatly, I feel that marriage would 
 be a great mistake. If I have given you reasons 
 for thinking my sentiments were .other than those 
 of a sincere friend, I deeply regret the fact. 
 
 I sincerely trust that you may find some 
 woman, more worthy than I, who will make the 
 wife that you deserve. 
 
 Sincerely your friend, 
 
 Mary Williamson. 
 
 Letter to the Father, requesting permission to pay 
 your addresses to his Daughter. 
 
 Atlanta, Ga., 
 September 5, 1919. 
 My dear Sir: 
 
 I take the liberty of addressing you upon a 
 subject that is of vital importance, in fact, that 
 concerns my entire future happiness. I have 
 long admired your daughter and have finally 
 realized that nothing else is of any consequence if 
 I cannot win her for my wife. I have reasons to 
 believe that my attentions are not unacceptable to 
 her, and, believing that we shall be both congenial 
 and happy in our married life, take this method 
 of asking your permission to request her hand m 
 marriage. 
 
116 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 I am not a wealthy man, having only my income 
 of $2,000.00 per annum, but I have approximately 
 $3,000.00 in the bank and in Liberty Bonds, and 
 feel sure that I can support her and make her 
 happy. 
 
 With assurances of regard and esteem, I await 
 your reply. 
 
 Yours, very respectfully, 
 
 Edward H. Patterson. 
 
 Accepting 
 
 Atlanta, Ga., 
 September 6, 1919. 
 My dear Mr. Patterson : 
 
 Your letter of yesterday's date, while somewhat 
 of a surprise, is nevertheless something for which 
 every Father must be prepared. I have scarcely 
 realized the fact that Mary had grown up, but am 
 forced to acknowledge that such is the case. I ad- 
 mire the frank manner in which you have written 
 me, and have no objection to your paying your 
 addresses to my daughter and to your marriage 
 at the proper time and place. In the meantime, 
 you will be welcome at our home at any time. 
 Sincerely, 
 
 el. H. Williamson. 
 
 Refusing 
 
 Atlanta, Ga., 
 September 6, 1919. 
 My dear Sir : 
 
 Your letter of September 5th has amazed me. 
 Had I for a moment thought that any but the most 
 platonic sentiments existed between yourself .and 
 my daughter, I should have interfered long before 
 
X 
 
 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 1 1 7 
 
 the present time. In the first place, Mary is far 
 too young to think about marriage for the next 
 three years ; again, I do not consider your income 
 sufficient to support her in the manner to which 
 she has been accustomed. 
 
 I have no objection to you personally, but do 
 not fancy you as a son-in-law at least not yet. 
 
 Under the circumstances, I think it best that you 
 discontinue your visits to my house. Eegretting 
 the necessity for addressing you in a manner 
 which, at this time, may appear unkindly, I am, 
 Very respectfully, 
 
 J. H. Williamson. 
 
 Letters of Condolence 
 
 Letters of sympathy in time of bereavement are 
 probably the most difficult of all to write. Words 
 are so inadequate to express properly one's feel- 
 ings at such times that one should approach such 
 a task with prayerful consideration. 
 
 To a Friend on the Death of Her Husband 
 
 Pensacola, Fla., 
 February 4, 1919. 
 My dear Mrs. Anderson : 
 
 It was with feelings of the deepest grief and 
 sorrow that I read the account of your husband's 
 death. 
 
 At such a time it is indeed difficult to choose 
 words that possibly may comfort one whose loss 
 is so great. Knowing your husband intimately as 
 I did, I can understand what a terrible blow his 
 death must be to you. His place will not be easily 
 
118 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 filled in the world ; how impossible to fill it in the 
 home. 
 
 While not rich in this world's goods, he left a 
 legacy that is undying to his children in a name 
 that is unsullied and a life that was beyond re- 
 proach. You at least have a happy reunion to look 
 forward to when there shall be no more parting. 
 May God in His infinite mercy help you to bear 
 this cross and give you the peace and perfect 
 understanding that will enable you to bow in sub- 
 mission to His will. 
 
 It is unnecessary to assure you that you have 
 but to call upon me and I will consider it a favor 
 to serve you in any way within my power. 
 Most sincerely, 
 
 Charles H. Graham. 
 Mrs. J. H. Anderson, 
 
 Pensacola. 
 
 To a Friend on the Death of His Wife 
 
 Raleigh, N. C., 
 
 April 18, 1919. 
 My dear Charles : 
 
 It should not be necessary for me to tell you 
 how constantly you are in my thoughts and how 
 my heart bleeds for you during the sorrowful 
 and lonesome hours through which you are 
 passing. 
 
 Your wife was one of the noblest characters I 
 have ever met, and was undoubtedly one of those 
 rare true Christians whose every-day life was 
 spent in living for others. You have cause for 
 your grief, my dear Charles, and your present 
 outlook on life will naturally seem all but hopeless. 
 
 You have many true friends who are sympathiz- 
 ing with you in your hour of affliction and who 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 119 
 
 are anxious to do something, anything to help you 
 bear this burden. Do not hesitate to call on me 
 at any hour oi the day or night I shall be ready 
 to come at your command, or to receive you. Try 
 to get out into the open and view the handiwork 
 of God and nature during this wonderful spring; 
 take long walks and try to reconcile yourself to 
 God's will. 
 
 I feel that I have utterly failed properly to 
 express my feelings, but, my dear fellow, you 
 know and must realize how willingly I would bear 
 a part of this pain foj you, were it but possible. 
 
 With assurances of affection and trusting that 
 you will not fail to call me up some time when I 
 can personally tell you something of what I feel, 
 I am, 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 William H. Standiford. 
 To Charles H. Dillingham, 
 
 Raleigh. 
 
 To a Friend on the Death of a Sister 
 
 Asheville, N. C., 
 
 October 9, 1919. 
 My dear Frank : 
 
 I trust that this short note may at least to some 
 slight extent assure you of my sincere sympathy 
 for you in your affliction. Your sister was a 
 young lady of exceptionally high character and 
 with a charming and charitable personality, 
 which endeared her to her many friends and ac- 
 quaintances. We all mourn with you and are 
 anxious to share your pain and sorrow. It is 
 indeed sad to see any one who had so much to 
 make life happy cut off in the flower of her youth. 
 
 It must be a matter of some comfort to vou in 
 
120 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 your hour of affliction to realize that every one 
 who came in contact with her was made better- 
 that her simple Christian life was an example 
 that will live forever in the hearts of her many 
 friends. The world has been made better by her 
 short sojourn here. May God give you strength 
 and grace to say " Thy will be done." 
 Your sincere friend, 
 
 Charles W. Wellington. 
 
 Prank Armstrong, Jr., 
 
 Asheville, N. C. 
 
 The three foregoing letters are all that will be 
 given of this particular type of communication. 
 The author feels to a certain extent presumptuous 
 in advising his readers how to write at such a 
 time. One should be guided by the heart and it is 
 not the way a letter of condolence is worded but 
 the honest sympathy and sincerity that can be 
 read between the lines that comforts the friend 
 who is sorely afflicted. 
 
 Letter of Apology 
 
 San Antonio, Texas, 
 
 August 5, 1919. 
 Dear Miss Rivers : 
 
 I fear that nothing I can say will influence you 
 to overlook my inexcusable actions last night. A 
 gentleman should never lose his temper in the 
 presence of a lady, no matter what the provoca- 
 tion, and you would be perfectly justified in con- 
 sidering our acquaintance at an end. 
 
 T am honestly and sincerely penitent for what I 
 said and did, and can assure you that nothing of 
 
CORRECT LETTER WRITING 121 
 
 the kind will ever happen again under any cir- 
 cumstances or conditions. 
 
 I can only hope that your charitable nature will 
 allow you to forgive if not forget the occurrence. 
 I have no excuse to offer; I simply throw myself 
 on the mercy of the court, trusting that you will 
 temper justice with mercy and give me another 
 trial. 
 Yours, most sincerely, 
 
 Henry B. Adams. 
 Miss Caroline Kivers, 
 
 Addressed. 
 
 The Reply 
 
 San Antonio, Texas, 
 
 August 6, 1919. 
 Dear Mr. Adams : 
 
 I have read your letter of apology several times 
 and have carefully considered the matter from all 
 sides. I want to be just and yet at times I feel as 
 if I could never quite overlook what was almost a 
 direct insult in public. Your letter rings true, 
 however, and I really believe that you are sin- 
 cerely sorry. Under the circumstances, I am in- 
 clined to forgive you and allow our relations to 
 remain the same as before the unfortunate occur- 
 rence, trusting that nothing of the kind will hap- 
 pen again, for a repetition would assuredly force 
 me to consider our friendship at an end. 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 Caroline Eivers. 
 Mr. Henry B. Adams, 
 Addressed. 
 
122 CORRECT LETTER WRITING 
 
 A Letter of Introduction 
 
 Charleston, Miss., 
 
 May 6, 1919. 
 Dear Mr. Henderson : 
 
 This letter will be presented by Mr. Edwin H. 
 Laird, a personal friend of mine, who will be in 
 Jackson for two or three days on business. 
 
 I heartily commend him to you as a young man 
 of sterling qualities and pleasing personality, and 
 feel assured you will consider yourself fortunate 
 in having the opportunity to make his acquaint- 
 ance. 
 
 Anything that you may do towards contributing 
 to his comfort or pleasure while in your city will 
 be considered as a personal favor. 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 James H. Edwards. 
 Mr. John M. Henderson, 
 First National Bank Bldg., 
 Jackson, Miss. 
 
 Another Form 
 
 Charleston, Miss., 
 
 May 6, 1919. 
 My dear Mr. Henderson : 
 
 The bearer, Edwin H. Laird, will be in Jackson 
 on the 8th and 9th instant on business. You may 
 rest assured that his word is as good as his bond, 
 and I take pleasure in testifying to his absolute 
 reliability in every sense of the word. 
 
 I commend him to your good offices and will 
 highly appreciate any courtesy you may extend. 
 Sincerely, 
 
 James H. Edwards. 
 Mr. John M. Henderson, 
 Jackson, Miss. 
 
CHAPTER XIV 
 
 ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 
 
 There are many individuals whose reputation 
 for good breeding and politeness is indisputable 
 in public. They are frequently pointed out and 
 made a shining example to young people as being 
 everything that is desirable in manners and gen- 
 eral deportment. They are never guilty of a 
 breach of etiquette or good manners in public, 
 and are models of propriety in every sense of the 
 word when on exhibition. And yet, alas ! If we 
 see them in their homes, what an extraordinary 
 transformation has taken place. An untidy and 
 careless appearance has taken the place of the 
 carefully correct attire and toilet for public dis- 
 play; unpolished shoes, shabby and soiled linen 
 and apparel, and a generally unkempt look now 
 is shown by the supposed infallible and perfectly 
 clothed individual. Not content with a decided 
 falling off in personal appearance, the manners of 
 the man or woman have also greatly deteriorated. 
 Sharp, cutting remarks are now in evidence in- 
 stead of gentle and kindly phrases; coarse witti- 
 cisms take the place of really clever but harmless 
 humor, and we wonder if we have not been mis- 
 taken. Surely this cannot be the same polished 
 and charming member of society we met at a 
 public social function a few evenings ago and yet, 
 it is only too true the affected veneer and 
 
 123 
 
124 ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 
 
 polish put on for the benefit of the public is thrown 
 off at home, showing the supposed perfect lady or 
 gentleman to be selfish, coarse and unworthy of 
 the respect and esteem falsely obtained by stu- 
 dious and careful conduct in public. 
 
 Such individuals are the Pharisees of Society, 
 and are invariably hypocritical and untrust- 
 worthy; their undoing and final disastrous finish 
 is a matter of absolute certainty, and sooner or 
 later they will be known for what they really are 
 and shunned and ostracized accordingly. 
 
 The man or woman who will smile sweetly on 
 all occasions when on inspection socially and will 
 loudly call downstairs for the patient and tired 
 mother to perform some task that should rightly 
 fall to their own lot ; or absolutely ignore and 
 sneer at the kindly advice of an aged father or 
 relative is neither lady or gentleman in the true 
 sense of the word far more apt are they to be a 
 " snob "or a" cad." 
 
 At no time or place is true gentility and perfect 
 manners so in evidence as in the home. What 
 Heaven on Earth is the home where each member 
 of the household holds for the other a true, un- 
 selfish and sincere affection; when one readily 
 sacrifices his pleasure or convenience for the 
 other. When the Son greets Father and Mother 
 at the breakfast table with a pleasant smile, kiss- 
 ing his Mother and kindly inquiring after his 
 Father's health. Later he will assist his Father 
 with his coat and in every way show that he is 
 
ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 125 
 
 honestly interested in everything that pertains to 
 his happiness and welfare. Likewise the daughter 
 is up assisting her Mother cheerfully with the 
 morning tasks, greeting each member of the house- 
 hold with a smile and pleasant speech, doing 
 everything possible to lighten the work about the 
 house up to the time it is necessary for her to 
 leave for office or school. 
 
 Likewise, Father and Mother should do their 
 part. The head of the house should avoid the 
 early morning grouch, so frequently in evidence 
 at the breakfast table ; Mother should be pleasant 
 and not inflict the family at meal time with the 
 small, petty and vexatious annoyances of domestic 
 life. Above all, the wife and mother should avoid 
 nagging. Nothing will do more towards destroy- 
 ing the peace and comfort of a home to any greater 
 extent than the wife who constantly nags at hus- 
 band and children for things that really amount 
 to nothing. While it is trying if a certain member 
 of the family is a little late to some meal, yet it 
 does not help matters or add to the harmony of 
 the meal to scream at the offender for five or ten 
 minutes. In like manner, each member of the 
 household should earnestly try to arrive promptly ; 
 nothing so harrasses or tends to drive the house- 
 wife to sharp and caustic remarks as lateness to 
 meals; we should all be on time unless excep- 
 tional and very good reasons prevent. 
 
 The writer doubts if any good has ever been 
 accomplished in this world by scolding. At cer- 
 
126 ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 
 
 tain times discipline and punishment are abso- 
 lutely essential, but constantly telling a child that 
 it is bad will eventually make the accusation 
 come true. 
 
 It is unpardonable and unforgivable in a mother 
 for prudish reasons to avoid taking a daughter 
 who is just entering into womanhood quietly 
 aside at times and explaining to her the mysteries 
 of life, the snares and temptations that await the 
 young girl and woman in the world, and giving 
 the child the benefit of her experience. Oh, 
 mothers ! You will live to regret your shyness and 
 embarrassments on these subjects. If your daugh- 
 ter learns of birth and life and sex from your own 
 lips she will ever after consider such things as 
 sacred and proper. The girl who faces the world 
 in ignorance and learns of these vital secrets 
 through so-called "smutty" stories and from 
 companions starts with a great handicap. She 
 will soon consider such subjects as something 
 unclean and will acquire an entirely incorrect idea 
 of the beauties of life. Far more girls go wrong 
 through ignorance of the manners of men and the 
 pitfalls that are in her path than through all other 
 causes combined. The mother whose daughter 
 falls through such ignorance is at least indirectly 
 responsible for her downfall. 
 
 Likewise, the Father should talk to his son 
 through the period of adolescence, warning him 
 against the sins of the flesh, teaching him that he 
 should live as clean a life as he would expect his 
 
ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 127 
 
 mother and sister to live, so that he may event- 
 ually be worthy of the love and respect of some 
 pure woman. 
 
 It is the Father's duty, no matter how limited 
 his income, to make provision for his family in 
 the event of his death. Life is at best uncertain, 
 and there is no such real tragedy in this life as 
 the family which faces the future after the funeral 
 without funds or ability to earn an honest living. 
 Such things drive boys to crime and girls to the 
 street. Life insurance is absolutely essential, and 
 the first present a young husband should hand to 
 his wife is a policy in some good and reliable 
 Insurance Company. 
 
 It is likewise the Father's duty to see that his 
 wife's allowance is up to the limit of his ability. 
 It is her duty to see that the family is well fed 
 and clothed, and nothing else is more certain to 
 produce an unhappy, discontented household as a 
 stingy provider. He should at no time cripple 
 himself to provide either food or apparel beyond 
 his means, and should let nothing interfere with a 
 small savings account. 
 
 The Mother should take a pride in providing the 
 best possible food and clothing for herself and 
 children that her allowance permits. Careful 
 planning and real judgment will permit the ex- 
 penditure of a small allowance far more satisfac- 
 torily than large amounts carelessly and unneces- 
 sarily expended. All girls should be taught to 
 sew, both by hand and on the machine. Any 
 
128 ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 
 
 young woman in moderate circumstances who can 
 make her own clothes has a wonderful advantage 
 over her more unfortunate sisters. Children 
 should, early in life, be taught the importance of 
 saving. Systematic saving, persisted in from 
 month to month, insures eventual independence 
 and prosperity to a greater extent than any other 
 one thing. Likewise should children be brought 
 up in the knowledge that " Honesty is the best 
 policy " in fact, it should be impressed upon 
 them that it is the only policy. Children are fre- 
 quently naturally dishonest. This is not at all 
 Hiusual, and is the result of a variety of combina- 
 tions and circumstances. A child soon learns 
 that, after committing a fault, they are not pun- 
 ished if not found out. Thus they are encouraged 
 to prevaricate. Early in life, it should be most 
 forcibly impressed upon them that a lie is an 
 almost unpardonable sin, far worse than the 
 original fault that made the lie necessary. No 
 child should be punished for an accident; for 
 example, the breaking of a dish, vase, loss of a 
 book. They should be admonished to be more 
 careful in the future, but never punished unless 
 the fault threatens to become chronic. When a 
 child bravely comes and confesses a fault ah, how 
 tenderly and with what good grace this confession 
 should be received. But when once a child lies, 
 punishment should be swift, severe, and nothing 
 should prevent it. 
 The author has not the slightest intention to 
 
ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 129 
 
 preach a long and tedious sermon on how properly 
 to raise children, and has simply touched on a very 
 few of the vital subjects that should be carefully 
 and prayerfully considered by all fathers and 
 mothers. 
 
 Children should be taught to bo courteous to 
 each other at home, thereby establishing the true 
 foundation for future perfect ladies and gentle-^ 
 men. Little boys should be taught to sacrifice 
 themselves and to be invariably helpful and 
 polite to their own sisters as well as to somebody 
 else's sister-. Boys frequently wonder what it is 
 that other fellows see in their sisters to admire; 
 this is all too frequently the case, and is often the 
 result of the sister's disregard and inconsiderate 
 actions towards a younger brother. How beauti- 
 ful to see a real and sincere affection between 
 brother and sister; this shows good breeding and 
 etiquette without question. 
 
 In conclusion, the secret of etiquette in the home, 
 the essential for real and unadulterated happi- 
 ness, is unselfishness and kindly consideration frr 
 the thoughts and feelings of each member of tho 
 household. Parents should never hold a child up 
 to ridicule nothing is more cruel to a sensitive 
 child than this. The entire subject may be 
 summed up by urging true charity and Christi- 
 anity in every-day life. No more beautiful hymn 
 has ever been written than " When There's Love 
 at Home." It should be sung heartily and with 
 true feeling and sentiment on the occasion of each 
 
130 ETIQUETTE IN THE HOME 
 
 wedding anniversary and frequently in between 
 times. 
 
 The foregoing chapter has been written with an 
 effort of proving that the man or woman who 
 affects a pleasant personality, gentle breeding and 
 good manners in public and drops the mantle of 
 courtesy and politeness at the door of the home is 
 but a shell of the perfect lady or gentleman, a 
 polished exterior covering selfishness, hypocrisy 
 and general rottenness at the core, 
 
I 
 
 >-l 
 w 
 
 1 
 
CHAPTER XV 
 
 A FEW GENERAL EULES 
 
 Nothing so plainly shows a lack of breeding as 
 to converse while some one is entertaining the 
 company with music or recitation. It also is proof 
 of extreme selfishness on the part of those guilty 
 of this breach of etiquette. 
 
 Ladies, bear in mind that " Familiarity breeds 
 contempt/' 
 
 Gentlemen should always rise from their seats 
 when being presented to members of either sex; 
 with ladies this is not necessary. 
 
 When playing cards or any other game, care- 
 fully avoid any public demonstration of annoy- 
 ance at a run of bad luck. 
 
 Gentlemen do not give expensive presents to 
 ladies unless a degree of unusual intimacy exists. 
 Candy and flowers are always proper gifts. 
 
 Gentlemen will always raise their hat when a 
 lady acknowledges some act of courtesy as a re- 
 sponse to such acknowledgment ; likewise after as- 
 sisting her into a carriage or automobile. 
 
 It is unpardonable to cut a person deliberately 
 on the street unless for some extremely good rea- 
 son, and the reasons are extremely few. If a 
 person has been so unfortunate as to have dis- 
 graced himself, the true gentleman or lady will 
 go out of their way to speak kindly to their erring 
 
 132 
 
A FEW GENERAL RULES 133 
 
 friend or acquaintance. It is very easy to show 
 an undesirable person that you are not willing to 
 be on any but the most formal terms with him by 
 coldly bowing or other means. 
 
 Gentlemen should never offer to shake hands 
 with a lady, particularly if the acquaintance is 
 slight; this is the lady's prerogative, and she may 
 use her own judgment as to when it is proper to 
 extend her hand in greeting. Except in excep- 
 tional cases, the lady should not offer to shake 
 hands on the street. 
 
 Avoid talking about your personal affairs and 
 petty troubles ; you will soon gain the reputation, 
 of being a bore; never, under any circumstances, 
 air your family grievances in public; nothing 
 shows poorer taste. 
 
 Do not be too inquisitive ; no matter how curious 
 do not try to pry into the affairs of your friends 
 and acquaintances. You will be spoken of as a 
 busybody and shunned by everyone if you do. 
 
 Avoid gossip, particularly avoid speaking un- 
 kindly of any friend or acquaintance who is 
 absent. This is one of the most common breaches 
 of etiquette, and many things said at random, 
 with no intention of actual harm, have wrought 
 havoc in the lives and reputations of others. 
 
 Should a lady's shoe become unlaced, a gentle- 
 man may, with perfect propriety, offer to fasten 
 same. 
 
 Do not whistle or hum to yourself when on the 
 street. 
 
131 A FEW GENERAL RULES 
 
 Avoid onions or tobacco when you contemplate 
 making a social call on ladies. 
 
 Above all things, do not pick your teeth, clean 
 your finger nails or scratch your head in public. 
 
 Ladies are not expected to take a gentleman's 
 arm when promenading in the day time. 
 
 Individuals so fortunate as to be able to enter- 
 tain by reciting, singing, playing or in other ways 
 should respond gracefully when asked, unless for 
 some really plausible reason. Only a very inex- 
 perienced person waits to be urged. Be careful 
 not to occupy the limelight and show off for too 
 long a period as to have your efforts become mo- 
 notonous. It is far more tactful and satisfactory 
 to stop before the company has heard quite enough 
 than to go to the other extreme. 
 
 Gentlemen should not smoke at any time in the 
 presence of ladies without requesting and obtain- 
 ing their permission in advance. If the permis- 
 sion is given with apparent reluctance, the perfect 
 gentleman will have sufficient diplomacy not to 
 take advantage of the privilege. Under no cir- 
 cumstances should a gentleman smoke when walk- 
 ing with a lady on the street ; the fact that this is 
 done frequently does not alter the fact that it is a 
 breach of etiquette. 
 
 Gentlemen should be careful to extend all pos- 
 sible little courtesies, such as picking up a glove 
 or handkerchief, fetching a chair, assisting her 
 in and out of street cars; nothing so endears a 
 
A FEW GENERAL RULES 135 
 
 man to the feminine mind as the strict observance 
 of these smali but important matters. 
 
 Avoid affectation; be simple and natural. If 
 the company in which you are spending an evening 
 is a little lower than your own social plane, do not 
 adopt superior airs. 
 
 Do not read personal letters or papers in com- 
 pany unless absolutely necessary; at such a time, 
 request permission to do so and apologize for the 
 necessity. 
 
 If visiting a sick friend, above all things be 
 cheerful ; do not insist upon relating how many o*f 
 your friends have been likewise afflicted, and how 
 much worse they were ; avoid talks of friends who 
 have been seized with the same malady and fatally 
 attacked. 
 
 Do not force your opinion and insist upon being 
 heard when your superiors are talking. 
 
 Avoid speaking of melancholy and doleful mat- 
 ters at the table or at social gatherings. 
 
 If a person appears in public with bruised 
 countenance or other blemish, do not gaze at the 
 unfortunate individual fixedly, nor inquire as to 
 how it happened. It is generally bad enough 
 without having to add unpleasant explanations. 
 
 In case of argument, remember there are always 
 two sides, and do not treat your opponent with 
 scorn and strive to give the impression that he 
 is of unsound intellect; possibly the company 
 are entertaining the same sentiments towards 
 yourself. 
 
136 A FEW GENERAL RULES 
 
 Be ever courteous to every one, no matter what 
 his rank and station in life may be. 
 
 Never speak in a frivolous manner of sacred 
 things. 
 
 Do not permit yourself to become annoyed or 
 disturbed at trifles. 
 
CHAPTER XVI 
 
 MENUS 
 
 NOTE. The following are appropriate menus 
 for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, and sufficiently 
 elaborate for most occasions. They may be varied 
 to suit the taste and purse of the hostess : 
 
 BREAKFAST 
 
 Grape Fruit 
 Cereal, with Cream 
 
 Shirred Eggs Buttered Toast 
 
 Broiled Lamb Chops French Fried Potatoes 
 
 Hot Bolls Coffee 
 
 LUNCH 
 
 Hot or Cold Consomme in Cups 
 
 Salted Wafers 
 Olives India Relish Saratoga Chips 
 
 Lobster a la Newburg 
 
 Cold Meats with Potato Salad 
 
 Orange Sherbet 
 
 Small Cakes 
 
 Coffee 
 
 137 
 
138 MENUS 
 
 DINNER 
 
 Oysters served on the Half Shell 
 
 Cream of Tomato Soup 
 
 Mixed Pickles Salted Wafers Chow Chow 
 Broiled Black Bass Small Potatoes 
 
 Koast Chicken or Turkey 
 Mashed Potatoes Green Peas 
 
 Corn Fritters 
 
 Tomatoes, Lettuce and Asparagus Tips 
 
 Served Iced with Mayonnaise 
 
 Ice Cream 
 
 Layer Cake 
 
 Candies Eaisins Nuts 
 
 Coffee 
 
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