
 
 
 
 <\^ 
 
 x--:'v
 
 

 
 THE 
 
 PROSE WORKS 
 
 OF 
 
 MRS, ELLIS, 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 "THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND," "THE POETEY OF LIFE," ETC. 
 
 IN TWO VOLUMES. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 
 HENRY G. LANGLEY, 8 ASTOR HOUSE. 
 
 1845.
 
 Stack 
 
 v,l 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 VOL. I. 
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND.
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 So universally acceptable have the various productions of Mrs. Ellis 
 become, not only in England but equally so in our country, that it is 
 believed a collected edition of them could not fail to ensure a welcome 
 from her many admirers. The themes selected in the present volumes, 
 and which have so successfully engaged her pen, while invested with a 
 pleasing fascination of style, yet inculcate sound lessons of practical wis- 
 dom and moral virtue, with such earnest persuasiveness of appeal, that 
 few can rise from their perusal unimproved.
 
 THE 
 
 WOMEN OF ENGLAND: 
 
 THEIR 
 
 SOCIAL DUTIES, AND DOMESTIC HABITS 
 
 AUTHOR OF "THE POETRY OF LIFE," "PICTURES OF PRIVATE LIFE," STC. KO. 
 
 UNIFORM EDITION, 
 
 COMPLETE IN ONE VOLUME, 
 
 NEW-YORK: 
 
 HENRY G. LANGLEY, 8 ASTOR HOUSE, 
 
 1844.

 
 PREFACE. 
 
 AT a time when the pressure of stir- 
 ring events, and the urgency of public 
 and private interests, render it increas- 
 ingly desirable that every variety of la- 
 bor should be attended with an immediate 
 and adequate return ; I feel that some 
 apology is necessary for the presumption 
 of inviting the attention of the public to 
 a work, in which I have been compelled 
 to enter into the apparently insignificant 
 detail of familiar and ordinary life. 
 
 The often- repeated truth that " trifles 
 make the sum of human things," must 
 plead my excuse ; as well as the fact, 
 that while our libraries are stored with 
 books of excellent advice on general con- 
 duct, we have no single work containing 
 the particular minutise of practical duty, 
 to which I have felt myself called upon 
 to invite the consideration of the young 
 women of the present day. We have 
 many valuable dissertations upon female 
 character, as exhibited on the broad scale 
 of virtue ; but no direct definition of those 
 minor parts of domestic and social inter- 
 course, which strengthen into habit, and 
 consequently form the basis of moral 
 character. 
 
 It is worthy of remark, also, that these 
 writers have addressed their observations 
 almost exclusively to ladies, or occasion- 
 ally to those who hold a subordinate situ- 
 ation under the influence of ladies; while 
 that estimable class of females who might 
 be more specifically denominated women, 
 and who yet enjoy the privilege of liberal 
 education, with exemption from the pe- 
 cuniary necessities of labor, are almost 
 wholly overlooked. 
 
 It is from a high estimate of the im- 
 portance of this class in upholding the 
 moral worth of our country, that I have 
 addressed my remarks especially to them ; 
 and in order to do so with more effect, I 
 have ventured to penetrate into the famil- 
 iar scenes of domestic life, and have thus 
 endeavored to lay bare some of the causes 
 which frequently lie hidden at the root of 
 general conduct. 
 
 Had I not known before the commence- 
 ment of this work, its progress would soon 
 have convinced me, that in order to per- 
 form my task with candor and faithful- 
 ness, I must renounce all idea of what is 
 called fine writing ; because the very na- 
 ture of the duty I have undertaken, re- 
 stricts me to the consideration of subjects, 
 too minute in themselves, to admit of their 
 being expatiated upon with eloquence by 
 the writer too familiar to produce upon 
 the reader any startling effect. Had I 
 even felt within myself a capability for 
 treating any subject in this manner, I 
 should have been willing in this instance 
 to resign all opportunity of such display, 
 if, by so doing, I could more clearly point 
 out to my countrywomen, by what means 
 they may best meet that pressing exigen- 
 cy of the times, which so urgently de- 
 mands a fresh exercise of moral power 
 on their part, to win back to the homes of 
 England the boasted felicity for which 
 they once were famed. 
 
 Anxious as I am to avoid the charge of 
 unnecessary trifling on a subject so seri- 
 ous as the moral worth of the women of 
 England, there is beyond this a consider- 
 ation of far higher importance, to which
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 I would invite the candid attention of the 
 serious part of the public, while I offer, 
 what appears to me a sufficient apology, 
 for having written a book on the subject 
 of morals, without having made it strictly 
 religious. I should be sorry indeed, if, 
 by so doing, I brought upon myself the 
 suspicion of yielding for one moment to 
 the belief that there is any other sure 
 foundation for good morals, than correct 
 religious principle ; but I do believe, that, 
 with the Divine blessing, a foundation 
 may be laid in early life, before the heart 
 has been illuminated by Divine truth, or 
 has experienced its renovating power, for 
 those domestic habits, and relative duties, 
 which in after life will materially assist 
 the development of the Christian charac- 
 ter. And I am the more convinced of 
 this, because we sometimes see, in sincere 
 and devoted Christians, such peculiarities 
 of conduct as materially hinder their 
 usefulness such early-formed habits, as 
 they themselves would be glad to escape 
 from, but which continue to cling around 
 them in their earthly course, like the 
 clustering of weeds in the traveller's 
 path. 
 
 It may perhaps more fully illustrate 
 my view of this important subject to say, 
 that those who would train up young peo- 
 ple without the cultivation of moral hab- 
 its, trusting solely to the future influence 
 of religion upon their hearts, are like 
 
 mariners, who, while they wait for their 
 bark to be safely guided out to sea, allow 
 their sails to swing idly in the wind, their 
 cordage to become entangled, and the 
 general outfit of their vessel to suffer in- 
 jury and decay ; so that when the pilot 
 comes on board they lose much of the 
 advantage of his services, and fail to de- 
 rive the anticipated benefit from his pres- 
 ence. 
 
 All that I would venture to recommend 
 with regard to morals, is, that the order 
 and right government of the vessel should, 
 as far as is possible, be maintained, so 
 that when the hope of better and surer 
 guidance is realized, and the heavenly 
 Pilot in his own good time arrives, all 
 things may be ready nothing out of or- 
 der, and nothing wanting, for a safe and 
 prosperous voyage. 
 
 It is therefore solely to the cultivation 
 of habits that I have confined my atten- 
 tion to the minor morals of domestic life. 
 And I have done this, because there are 
 so many abler pens than mine employed 
 in teaching and enforcing the essential 
 truths of religion ; because there is an 
 evident tendency in society, as it exists in 
 the present day, to overlook these minor 
 points ; and because it is impossible for 
 them to be neglected, without serious in- 
 jury to the Christian character. 
 
 SARAH STICKNEY ELLIS. 
 PBNTONVILLI, Nov. 1838.
 
 THE 
 
 WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 | CHARACTERISTICS OF THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 EVERT country has its peculiar character- 
 istics, not only of climate and scenery, of 
 public institutions, government, and laws ; 
 but every country has also its moral charac- 
 teristics, upon which is founded its true title 
 to a station, either high or low, in the scale 
 of nations. 
 
 The national characteristics of England 
 are the perpetual boast of her patriotic sons ; 
 and there is one especially which it behooves 
 all British subjects not only to exult in, but to 
 cherish and maintain. Leaving the justice 
 of her laws, the extent of her commerce, and 
 the amount of her resources, to the orator, 
 the statesman, and the political economist, 
 there yet remains one of the noblest features 
 in her national character, which may not im- 
 properly be regarded as within the compass 
 of a woman's understanding, and the prov- 
 ince of a woman's pen. It is the domestic 
 character of England the home comforts, 
 and fireside virtues for which she is so justly 
 celebrated. These I hope to be able to speak 
 of without presumption, as intimately asso- 
 ciated with, and dependent upon, the moral 
 feelings and habits of the women of this fa- 
 vored country. 
 
 It is therefore in reference to these alone 
 that I shall endeavor to treat the subject of 
 England's nationality ; and in order to do 
 this with more precision, it is necessary to 
 draw the line of observation within a nar- 
 rower circle, and to describe what are the 
 i characteristics of the women of England. I 
 ; ought, perhaps, in strict propriety, to say 
 
 what were their characteristics ; because I 
 would justify the obtrusiveness of a work 
 like this by first premising that the women 
 of England are deteriorating in their moral 
 character, and that false notions of refine- 
 ment are rendering them less influential, less 
 useful, and less happy than they were. 
 
 In speaking of what English women were, 
 I would not be understood to refer to what 
 they were a century ago. Facilities in the 
 way of mental improvement have greatly in- 
 creased during this period. In connection 
 with moral discipline, these facilities are in- 
 valuable ; but I consider the two excellences 
 as having been combined in the greatest per- 
 fection in the general average of women who 
 have now attained to middle, or rather ad- 
 vanced age. When the cultivation of the 
 mental faculties had so far advanced as to 
 take precedence of the moral, by leaving no 
 time for domestic usefulness, and the practice 
 of personal exertion in the way of promoting 
 general happiness, the character of the wo- 
 men of England assumed a different aspect, 
 which is now beginning to tell upon society 
 in the sickly sensibilities, the feeble frames, 
 and the useless habits of the rising generation. 
 
 In stating this humiliating fact, I must be 
 blind indeed to the most cheering aspect of 
 modern society, not to perceive that there 
 are signal instances of women who carry 
 about with them into every sphere of domes- 
 tic duty, even the most humble and obscure, 
 the accomplishments and refinements of mod- 
 ern education ; and who deem it rather an 
 honor than a degradation to be permitted to 
 add to the sum of human happiness, by dif- 
 fusing the embellishments of mind and man-
 
 G 
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF 
 
 ners over the homely and familiar aspect of 
 every-day existence. 
 
 Such, however, do not constitute the ma- 
 jority of the female population of Great 
 Britain. By far the greater portion of the 
 young ladies (for they are no longer women) 
 of the present day, are distinguished by a 
 morbid listlessness of mind and body, except 
 when under the influence of stimulus, a con- 
 stant pining for excitement, and an eagerness 
 to escape from every thing like practical and 
 individual duty. Of course, I speak of those 
 whose minds are not under the influence of 
 religious principle. Would that the. excep- 
 tion could extend to all who profess to be 
 governed by this principle ! 
 
 Gentle, inoffensive, delicate, and passively 
 amiable as many young ladies are, it seems 
 an ungracious task to attempt to rouse them 
 from their summer dream ; and were it not 
 that wintry days will come, and the surface 
 of life be ruffled, and the mariner, even she 
 who steers the smallest bark, be put upon the 
 inquiry for what port she is really bound 
 were it not that the cry of utter helplessness 
 is of no avail in rescuing from the waters of 
 affliction, and the plea of ignorance unheard 
 upon the far-extending and deep ocean of 
 experience, and the question of accounta- 
 bility perpetually sounding, like the voice of 
 a warning spirit, above the storms and the 
 billows of this lower world I would be one 
 of the very last to call the dreamer back to 
 a consciousness of present things. But this 
 state of listless indifference, my sisters, must 
 not be. You have deep responsibilities ; 
 you have urgent claims ; a nation's moral 
 worth is in your keeping. Let us inquire 
 then in what way it may be best preserved. 
 Let us consider what you are, and have 
 been, and by what peculiarities of feeling and 
 habit you have been able to throw so much 
 additional weight into the scale of your 
 country's worth. 
 
 In order to speak with precision of the 
 characteristics of any class of people, it is 
 necessary to confine our attention as much 
 as possible to that portion of the class where 
 such characteristics are most prominent ; 
 
 and, avoiding the two extremes where cir- 
 cumstances not peculiar to that class are 
 supposed to operate, to take the middle or 
 intervening portion as a specimen of the 
 whole. 
 
 Napoleon Bonaparte was accustomed to 
 speak of the English nation as a " nation of 
 shopkeepers ;" and when we consider the 
 number, the influence, and the respectability 
 of that portion of the inhabitants who are, 
 directly or indirectly, connected with our 
 trade and merchandise, it does indeed ap- 
 pear to constitute the mass of English so- 
 ciety, and may justly be considered as ex- 
 hibiting the most striking and unequivocal 
 proofs of what are the peculiar characteris- 
 tics of the people of England. It is not 
 therefore from the aristocracy of the land 
 that the characteristics of English women 
 should be taken ; because the higher the 
 rank, and the greater the facilities of com- 
 munication with other countries, the more 
 prevalent are foreign manners, and modes of 
 thinking and acting common to that class of 
 society in other countries. Neither is it en- 
 tirely among the indigent and most laborious 
 of the community, that we can with pro- 
 priety look for those strong features of na- 
 tionality, which stamp the moral character 
 of different nations ; because the urgency of 
 mere physical wants, and the pressure of 
 constant and necessary labor, naturally in- 
 duce a certain degree of resemblance in so- 
 cial feelings and domestic habits, among 
 people similarly circumstanced, to whatever 
 country they may belong. 
 
 In looking around, then, upon our " nation 
 of shopkeepers," we readily perceive that by 
 dividing society into three classes, as regards 
 what is commonly called rank, the middle 
 class must include so vast a portion of the 
 intelligence and moral power of the country 
 at large, that it may not improperly be desig- 
 nated the pillar of our nation's strength, its 
 base being the important class of the labo- 
 rious poor, and its rich and highly ornamental 
 capital, the ancient nobility of the land. In no 
 other country is society thus beautifully pro- 
 portioned, and England should beware of any
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 deviation from the order and symmetry of 
 her national column. 
 
 There never was a more short-sighted 
 view of society, than that by which the wo- 
 men of our country have lately learned to 
 look with envious eyes upon their superiors 
 in rank, to rival their attainments, to imitate 
 their manners, and to pine for the luxuries 
 they enjoy ; and consequently to look down 
 with contempt upon the appliances and 
 means of humbler happiness. The women 
 of England were once better satisfied with 
 that instrumentality of Divine ' wisdom by 
 which they were placed in their proper 
 sphere. They were satisfied to do with 
 their own hands what they now leave un- 
 done, or repine that they cannot have others 
 to do for them. 
 
 A system of philosophy was once promul- 
 gated in France, by which it was attempted 
 to be proved that so much of the power and 
 the cleverness of man was attributable to his 
 hand, that but for a slight difference in the 
 formation of this organ in some of the infe- 
 rior animals, they would have been entitled to 
 rank in the same class with him. Whatever 
 may be said of the capabilities of man's hand, 
 I believe the feminine qualification of being 
 able to use the hand willingly and well, has 
 a great deal to do with the moral influence 
 of woman. The personal services she is thus 
 enabled to render, enhance her value in the 
 domestic circle, and when such services are 
 performed with the energy of a sound under- 
 standing, and the grace of an accomplished 
 mind above all, with the disinterested kind- 
 ness of a generous heart they not only dig- 
 nify the performer, but confer happiness, as 
 well as obligation. Indeed, so great is the 
 charm of personal attentions arising sponta- 
 neously from the heart, that women of the 
 highest rank in society, and far removed from 
 the necessity of individual exertion, are fre- 
 quently observed to adopt habits of personal 
 kindness .towards others, not only as the 
 surest means of giving pleasure, but as a 
 natural and grateful relief to the overflowings 
 of their own affections. 
 
 There is a principle in woman's love, that 
 
 renders it impossible for her to be satisfied 
 without actually doing something for the ob- 
 ject of her regard. I speak only of woman 
 in her refined and elevated character. Vani- 
 ty can satiate itself with admiration, and 
 selfishness can feed upon services received ; 
 but woman's love is an overflowing and inex- 
 haustible fountain, that must be perpetually 
 imparting from the source of its own blessed- 
 ness. It needs but slight experience to know, 
 that the mere act of loving our fellow-crea- 
 tures does little towards the promotion of 
 their happiness. The human heart is not so 
 credulous as to continue to believe in affec- 
 tion without practical proof. Thus the inter- 
 change of mutual kind offices begets a confi- 
 dence which cannot be made to grow out of 
 any other foundation ; and while gratitude 
 is added to the connecting link, the character 
 on each side is strengthened by the personal 
 energy required for the performance of every 
 duty. 
 
 There may exist great sympathy, kind- 
 ness, and benevolence of feeling, without the 
 power of bringing any of these emotions into 
 exercise for the benefit of others. They exist 
 as emotions only. And thus the means which 
 appear to us as the most gracious and benig- 
 nant of any that could have been adopted by 
 our heavenly Father for rousing us into ne- 
 cessary exertion, are permitted to die away, 
 fruitless and unproductive, in the breast, 
 where they ought to have operated as a 
 blessing and means of happiness to others. 
 
 It is not uncommon to find negatively 
 amiable individuals, who sink under a weight 
 of indolence, and suffer from innate selfish- 
 ness a gradual contraction of mind, perpetu- 
 ally lamenting their own inability to do good. 
 It would be ungenerous to doubt their sin- 
 cerity in these regrets. We therefore only 
 conclude that the want of habits of personal 
 usefulness has rendered them mentally im- 
 becile, and physically inert ; whereas, had 
 the same individuals been early accustomed 
 to bodily exertion, promptly and cheerfully 
 performed on the spur of the moment, with- 
 out waiting to question whether it was agree- 
 able or not, the very act of exertion would
 
 8 
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF 
 
 have become a pleasure, and the benevolent 
 purpose to which such exertions might be 
 applied, a source of the highest enjoyment 
 
 Time was when the women of England 
 were accustomed, almost from their child- 
 hood, to the constant employment of their 
 hands. It might be sometimes in elaborate 
 works of fancy, now ridiculed for their want 
 of taste, and still more frequently in house- 
 hold avocations, now fallen into disuse from 
 their incompatibility with modern refinement 
 I cannot speak with unqualified praise of all 
 the objects on which they bestowed their 
 attention ; but, if it were possible, I would 
 write in characters of gold the indisputable 
 fact, that the habits of industry and personal 
 exertion thus acquired, gave them a strength 
 and dignity of character, a power of useful- 
 ness, and a capability of doing* good, which 
 the higher theories of modern education fail 
 to impart They were in some instances 
 less qualified for travelling on the continent 
 without an interpreter, but the women of 
 whom I am speaking seldom went abroad. 
 Their sphere of action was at their own fire- 
 sides, and the world in which they moved 
 was one where pleasure of the highest, 
 purest order, naturally and necessarily arises 
 out of acts of duty faithfully performed. 
 
 Perhaps it may be necessary to be more 
 specific in describing the class of women to 
 which this work relates. It is, then, strictly 
 speaking, to those who belong to that great 
 mass of the population of England which is 
 connected with trade and manufactures; 
 ! or, in order to make the application more di- 
 rect, to that portion of it who are restricted 
 to the services of from one to four domestics, 
 who, on the one hand, enjoy the advan- 
 tages of a liberal education, and, on the other, 
 have no pretension to family rank. It is, 
 however, impossible but that many devia- 
 tions from these lines of demarkation must 
 occur, in consequence of the great change in 
 their pecuniary circumstances, which many 
 families during a short period experience, 
 and the indefinite order of rank and station in 
 which the elegances of life are enjoyed, or 
 its privations endured. There is also this 
 
 peculiarity to be taken into account, in our 
 view of English society, that the acquisition 
 of wealth, with the advantages it procures, is 
 all that is necessary for advancement to 
 aristocratic dignity ; while, on the other hand, 
 so completely is the nation dependent upon 
 her commercial resources, that it is no un- 
 common thing to see individuals who lately 
 ranked among the aristocracy, suddenly 
 driven, by the failure of some bank or some 
 mercantile speculation, into the lowest walks 
 of life, and compelled to mingle with the la- 
 borious poor. 
 
 These facts are strong evidence in favor of 
 a system of conduct that would enable all 
 women to sink gracefully, and without mur- 
 muring against Providence, into a lower 
 grade of society. It is easy to learn to enjoy, 
 but it is not easy to learn to suffer. 
 
 Any woman of respectable education, pos- 
 sessing a well-regulated mind, might move 
 with ease and dignity into a higher sphere 
 than that to which she had been accustomed ; 
 but few women whose hands have been idle 
 all their lives, can feel themselves compelled 
 to do the necessary labor of a household, 
 without a feeling of indescribable hardship, 
 too frequently productive of a secret mur- 
 muring against the instrumentality by which 
 she was reduced to such a lot 
 
 It is from the class of females above de- 
 scribed, that we naturally look for the highest 
 tone of moral feeling, because they are at the 
 same time removed from the pressing neces- 
 sities of absolute poverty, and admitted to 
 the intellectual privileges of the great ; and 
 thus, while they enjoy every facility in the 
 way of acquiring knowledge, it is their still 
 higher privilege not to be exempt from the 
 domestic duties which call forth the best en- 
 ergies of the female character. 
 
 Where domestics abound, and there is a 
 hired hand for every kindly office, it would 
 be a work of supererogation for the mistress 
 of the house to step forward, and assist with 
 her own ; but where domestics are few, and 
 the individuals who compose the household 
 are thrown upon the consideration of the 
 mothers, wives, and daughters for their daily
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 9 
 
 comfort, innumerable channels are opened 
 for the overflow of those floods of human 
 kindness, which it is one of the happiest and 
 most ennobling duties of woman to administer 
 to the weary frame, and to pour into the 
 wounded mind. 
 
 It is perhaps the nearest approach we can 
 make towards any thing like a definition of 
 what is most striking in the characteristics of 
 the women of England, to say, that the nature 
 of their domestic circumstances is such as to 
 invest their characters with the threefold re- 
 commendation of promptitude in action, ener- 
 gy of thought, and benevolence of feeling. With 
 all the responsibilities of family comfort and 
 social enjoyment resting upon them, and un- 
 aided by those troops of menials who throng 
 the halls of the affluent and the great, they 
 are kept alive to the necessity of making 
 their own personal exertions conducive to 
 the great end of promoting the happiness of 
 those around them. They cannot sink into 
 supineness, or suffer any of their daily duties 
 to be neglected, but some beloved member 
 of the household is made to feel the conse- 
 quences, by enduring inconveniences which 
 it is alike their pride and their pleasure to 
 remove. The frequently recurring avoca- 
 tions of domestic life admit of no delay. 
 When the performance of any kindly office 
 has to be asked for, solicited, and re-solicited, 
 it loses more than half its charm. It is there- 
 fore strictly in keeping with the fine tone of 
 an elevated character to be beforehand with 
 expectation, and thus to show, by the most 
 delicate yet most effectual of all human 
 means, that the object of attention, even when 
 unheard and unseen, has been the subject of 
 kind and affectionate solicitude. 
 
 By experience in these apparently minute 
 affairs, a woman of kindly feeling and prop- 
 erly disciplined mind, soon learns to regu- 
 late her actions also according to the prin- 
 ciples of true wisdom, and hence arises that 
 energy of thought for which the women of 
 England are so peculiarly distinguished. 
 Every passing event, however insignificant 
 to the eye of the world, has its crisis, every 
 occurrence its emergency, every cause its 
 
 effect ; and upon these she has to calculate 
 with precision, or the machinery of house- 
 hold comfort is arrested in its movements, 
 and thrown into disorder. 
 
 Woman, however, would but ill supply 
 the place appointed her by Providence, were 
 she endowed with no other faculties than 
 those of promptitude in action and energy of 
 thought. Valuable as these may be, they 
 would render her but a cold and cheerless 
 companion, without the kindly affections and 
 tender offices that sweeten human life. It is 
 a high privilege, then, which the women of 
 England enjoy, to be necessarily, and by the 
 force of circumstances, thrown upon their 
 affections, for the rule of their conduct in 
 daily life. " What shall I do to gratify myself 
 to be admired or to vary the tenor of my 
 existence 1" are not the questions which a 
 woman of right feelings asks on first awak- 
 ing to the avocations of the day. Much 
 more congenial to the highest attributes of 
 woman's character, are inquiries such as 
 these : " How shall I endeavor through this 
 day to turn the time, the health, and the 
 means permitted me to enjoy, to the best ac- 
 count 1 Is any one sick 1 I must visit their 
 chamber without delay, and try to give their 
 apartment an air of comfort, by arranging 
 such things as the wearied nurse may not 
 have thought of. Is any one about to set off 
 on a journey 1 I must see that the early meal 
 is spread, or prepare it with my own hands, 
 in order that the servant, who was working 
 late last night, may profit by unbroken rest 
 Did I fail in what was kind or considerate to 
 any of the family yesterday? I will meet her 
 this morning with a cordial welcome, and 
 show, in the most delicate way I can, that I 
 am anxious to atone for the past. Was any 
 one exhausted by the last day's exertion ? I 
 will be an hour before them this morning, 
 and let them see that their labor is so much 
 in advance. Or, if nothing extraordinary oc- 
 curs to claim my attention, I will meet the 
 family with a consciousness that, being the 
 least engaged of any member of it, I am con- 
 sequently the most at liberty to devote myself 
 to the general good of the whole, by cultiva-
 
 10 
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF 
 
 ting cheerful conversation, adapting myself to 
 the prevailing tone of feeling, and leading 
 those who are least happy, to think and speak 
 of what will make them more so." 
 
 Who can believe that days, months, and 
 years spent in a continual course of thought 
 and action similar to this, will not produce a 
 powerful effect upon the character, and not 
 only upon the individual who thinks and acts 
 alone, but upon all to whom her influence 
 extends? In short, the customs of English 
 society have so constituted women the guar- 
 dians of the comfort of their homes, that, like 
 the Vestals of old, they cannot allow the lamp 
 they cherish to be extinguished, or to fail for 
 want of oil, without an equal share of degra- 
 dation attaching to their names. 
 
 In other countries, where the domestic 
 lamp is voluntarily put out, in order to allow 
 the women to resort to the opera, or the 
 public festival, they are not only careless 
 about their home comforts, but necessarily 
 ignorant of the high degree of excellence to 
 which they might be raised. In England 
 there is a kind of science of good household 
 management, which, if it consisted merely in 
 keeping the house respectable in its physical 
 character, might be left to the effectual work- 
 ing out of hired hands ; but, happily for the 
 women of England, there is a philosophy in 
 this science, by which all their highest and 
 best feelings are called into exercise. Not 
 only must the house be neat and clean, but 
 it must be so ordered as to suit the tastes ol 
 all, as far as may be, without annoyance or 
 offence to any. Not only must a constant 
 system of activity be established, but peace 
 must be preserved, or happiness will be de- 
 stroyed. Not only must elegance be called 
 in, to adorn and beautify the whole, but stric' 
 integrity must be maintained by the minutes 
 j calculation as to lawful means, and self, and 
 j self-gratification, must be made the yielding 
 pomt in every disputed case. Not only mus 
 an appearance of outward order and comfort 
 be kept up, but around every domestic seen 
 there must be a strong wall of confidence 
 which no internal suspicion can undermine 
 no external enemy break through. 
 
 Good household management conducted 
 n this plan, is indeed a science well worthy of 
 Mention. It comprises so much, as to invest 
 t with an air of difficulty on the first view ; 
 but no woman can reasonably complain of 
 ncapability, because nature has endowed the 
 sex with perceptions so lively and acute, that 
 where benevolence is the impulse, and prin- 
 ciple the foundation upon which they act, 
 xperience will soon teach them by what 
 means they may best accomplish the end 
 they have in view. 
 
 They will soon learn by experience, that 
 selfishness produces selfishness, that indo- 
 .ence increases with every hour of indul- 
 gence, that what is left undone because it is 
 difficult to-day, will be doubly difficult to- 
 morrow ; that kindness and compassion, to 
 answer any desirable end, must one be prac- 
 ticable, the other delicate, in its nature ; that 
 affection must be kept alive by ministering to 
 its necessities ; and, above all, that religion 
 must be recommended by consistency of 
 character and conduct 
 
 It is the strong evidence of truths like 
 these, wrought out of their daily experience, 
 and forced upon them as principles of action 
 which renders the women of England wha 
 they are, or rather were, and which fits them 
 for becoming able instruments in the promo- 
 tion of public and private good ; for all mus 
 allow, that it is to the indefatigable exertions 
 and faithful labors of women of this class 
 that England chiefly owes the support o 
 some of her noblest and most benevolent in 
 stitutions ; while it is to their unobtrusiv 
 and untiring efforts, that the unfortunate am 
 afflicted often are indebted for the only sym 
 pathy the only kind attention that eve 
 reaches their obscure abodes, or diffuse, 
 cheerfulness and comfort through the soli 
 tary chambers of suffering and sickness the 
 only aid that relieves the victims of penur; 
 and want the only consolation that eve 
 visits the desolate and degraded in their 
 wretchedness and despair. 
 
 I acknowledge there are noble instances in 
 the annals of English history, and perhaps 
 never more than at the present day, o;
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 11 
 
 women of the highest rank devoting their 
 time and their property to objects of benevo- 
 lence ; but from the very nature of their 
 early habits and domestic circumstances, 
 they are upon the whole less fitted for prac- 
 tical usefulness, than those who move within 
 a lower sphere. I am also fully sensible of 
 the charities which abound among the poor ; 
 and often have I been led to compare the 
 actual merit of the magnificent bestowments 
 of those who know not one comfort the less, 
 with that of the poor man's offering, and the 
 widow's mite. Still my opinion remains the 
 same, that in the situation of the middle 
 class of women in England, are combined 
 advantages in the formation of character, to 
 which they owe much of their distinction, 
 and their country much of her moral worth. 
 
 The true English woman, accustomed to 
 bear about with her her energies for daily 
 use, her affections for daily happiness, and 
 her delicate perceptions for hourly aids in the 
 discovery of what is best to do or to leave 
 undone, by this means obtains an insight into 
 human nature, a power of adaptation, and a 
 readiness of application of the right means to 
 the desired end, which not only render her 
 the most valuable friend, but the most de- 
 lightful of fireside companions, because she 
 is thus enabled to point the plainest moral, 
 and adorn the simplest tale, with all those 
 freshly-formed ideas which arise out of actual 
 experience and the contemplation of unvar- 
 nished truth. 
 
 Among their other characteristic?, the wo- 
 men of England are freely spoken of as ple- 
 beian in their manners, and cold in their 
 affections ; but their unpolished and occa- 
 sionally embarrassed manner, as frequently 
 conceals a delicacy that imparts the most re- 
 fined and elevated sentiment to their familiar 
 acts of duty and regard ; and those who 
 know them best are compelled to acknow- 
 ledge that all the noblest passions, the deep- 
 est feelings, and the highest aspirations of 
 humanity, may be found within the brooding 
 quiet of an English woman's heart 
 
 There are flowers that burst upon us, and 
 startle the eye with the splendor of their 
 
 beauty ; we gaze until we are dazzled, and 
 then turn away, remembering nothing but 
 their gorgeous hues. There are others that 
 refresh the traveller by the sweetness they 
 diffuse but he has to search for the source 
 of his delight He finds it imbedded among 
 green leaves ; it may be less lovely than he 
 had anticipated, in its form and color, but oh, 
 how welcome is the memory of that flower, 
 when the evening breeze is again made fra- 
 grant with its perfume ! 
 
 It is thus that the unpretending virtues of 
 the female character force themselves upon 
 our regard, so that the woman herself is 
 nothing in comparison with her attributes, 
 and we remember less the celebrated belle, 
 than her who made us happy. 
 
 Nor is it by their frequent and faithful ser- 
 vices alone, that English women are distin- 
 guished. The greater proportion of them 
 were diligent and thoughtful readers. It was 
 not with them a point of importance to de- 
 vour every book that was written as soon as 
 it came out. They were satisfied to single 
 out the best, and, making themselves familiar 
 with every page, conversed with the writer 
 as with a friend, and felt that with minds su- 
 perior, but yet congenial to their own, they 
 could make friends indeed. In this manner 
 their solitude was cheered, their hours of la- 
 bor sweetened, and their conversation ren- 
 dered at once piquant and instructive. This 
 was preserved from the technicalities of 
 common-place by the peculiar nature of their 
 social and mental habits. They were accus- 
 tomed to think for themselves ; and, deprived 
 in some measure of access to what might be 
 esteemed the highest authorities in matters 
 of sentiment and taste, they drew their con- 
 clusions from reasoning, and their reasoning 
 from actual observation. It is true, their 
 sphere of observation was microscopic, com- 
 pared with that of the individual who enjoys 
 the means of travelling from court to court, 
 and of mixing with the polished society of 
 every nation ; but an acute vision directed 
 to immediate objects, whatever they may be, 
 will often discover as much of the wonders 
 of creation, and supply the intelligent mind
 
 12 
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF 
 
 with food for reflection as valuable, as that 
 which is the result of a widely extended 
 view, where the objects, though more nu- 
 merous, are consequently less distinct 
 
 Thus the domestic woman, moving in a 
 comparatively limited circle, is not necessari- 
 ly confined to a limited number of ideas, but 
 can often expatiate upon subjects of mere 
 local interest, with a vigor of intellect, a 
 freshness of feeling, and a liveliness of fancy, 
 which create, in the mind of the uninitiated 
 stranger, a perfect longing to be admitted 
 into the home associations from whence are 
 derived such a world of amusement, and so 
 unfailing a relief from the severer duties of 
 life. 
 
 It is not from the acquisition of ideas, but 
 from the application of them, that conversa- 
 tion derives its greatest charm. Thus an 
 exceedingly well-informed talker may be in- 
 describably tedious ; while one who is com- 
 paratively ignorant, as regards mere facts, 
 having brought to bear, upon every subject 
 contemplated, a lively imagination combined 
 with a sound judgment, and a memory 
 stored, not only with dates and historical 
 events, but with strong and clear impressions 
 of familiar things, may rivet the attention of 
 his hearers, and startle them, for the time, 
 into a distinctness of impression which im- 
 parts a degree of delightful complacency 
 both to his hearers, and to the entertainer 
 himself. 
 
 In the exercise of this kind of tact, the 
 women of England, when they can be in- 
 duced to cast off their shyness and reserve, 
 are peculiarly excellent, and there is conse- 
 quently an originality in their humor, a firm- 
 ness in their reasoning, and a tone of delicacy 
 in their perceptions, scarcely to be found else- 
 where in the same degree, and combined in 
 the same manner ; nor should it ever be for- 
 gotten, in speaking of their peculiar merits, 
 that the freshness and the charm of their 
 conversation is reserved for their own fire- 
 sides for moments, when the wearied frame 
 is most in need of exhilaration, when the 
 mind is thrown upon its own resources for 
 the restoration of its exhausted powers, and 
 
 when home associations and home affections 
 are the balm which the wounded spirit 
 needs. 
 
 But above all other characteristics of the 
 women of England, the strong moral feeling 
 pervading even their most trifling and familiar 
 actions, ought to be mentioned as most con- 
 ducive to the maintenance of that high place 
 which they so justly claim in the society of 
 their native land. The apparent coldness 
 and reserve of English women ought only to 
 be regarded as a means adopted for the pres- 
 ervation of their purity of mind, an evil, if 
 you choose to call it so, but an evil of so mild 
 a nature, in comparison with that which it 
 wards off, that it may with truth be said to 
 " lean to virtue's side." 
 
 I have said before, that the sphere of a 
 domestic woman's observation is microscopic. 
 She is therefore sensible of defects within 
 that sphere, which, to a more extended vision, 
 would be imperceptible. If she looked abroad 
 for her happiness, she would be less disturb- 
 ed by any falling off at home. If her interest 
 and her energies were diffused through a 
 wider range, she would be less alive to the 
 minuter claims upon her attention. It is pos- 
 sible she may sometimes attach too much 
 importance to the minutiaB of her own domes- 
 tic world, especially when her mind is imper- 
 fectly cultivated and informed : but, on the 
 other hand, there arises, from the same cause, 
 a scrupulous exactness, a studious obser- 
 vance of the means of happiness, a delicacy 
 of perception, a purity of mind, and a digni- 
 fied correctness of manner, for which the 
 women of England are unrivalled by those of 
 any other nation. 
 
 By a certain class of individuals, their gen- 
 eral conduct may possibly be regarded as too 
 prudish to be strictly in keeping with enlarged 
 and liberal views of human life. These are 
 such as object to find the strict principles of 
 female action carried out towards themselves. 
 But let every man who disputes the right 
 foundation of this system of conduct, imagine 
 in the place of the woman whose retiring shy- 
 ness provokes his contempt, his sister or his 
 friend : and, while he substitutes another be-
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 13 
 
 ing, similarly constituted, for himself, he will 
 immediately percei\-e that the boundary-line 
 of safety, beyond which no true friend of wo- 
 man ever tempted her to pass, is drawn many 
 degrees within that which he had marked 
 out for his own intercourse with the female 
 sex. Nor is it in the small and separate de- 
 viations from this strict line of propriety, that 
 any great degree of culpability exists. Each 
 individual act may be simple in itself, and 
 almost too insignificant for remark ; it is habit 
 that stamps the character, and custom, that 
 renders common. Who then can guard too 
 scrupulously against the first opening, and 
 almost imperceptible change of manners, by 
 which the whole aspect of domestic life would 
 be altered 1 And who would not rather that 
 English women should be guarded by a wall 
 of scruples, than allowed to degenerate into 
 less worthy and less efficient supporters of 
 their country's moral worth ? 
 
 Were it only in their intercourse with mix- 
 ed society that English women were distin- 
 guished by this strict regard to the proprieties 
 of life, it might with some justice fall under 
 the ban of prudery ; but, happily for them, it 
 extends to every sphere of action in which 
 they move, discountenancing vice in every 
 form, and investing social duty with that 
 true moral dignity which it ought ever to pos- 
 sess. 
 
 I am not ignorant that this can only be con- 
 sistently carried out under the influence of 
 personal religion. I must, therefore, be un- 
 derstood to speak with limitations, and as 
 comparing my own countrywomen with those 
 of other nations as acknowledging melan- 
 choly exceptions and not only fervently de- 
 siring that every one professed a religion 
 capable of leading them in a more excellent 
 way, but that all who do profess that religion 
 were studiously careful in these minor points. 
 Still I do believe that the women of England 
 are not surpassed by those of any other coun- 
 try for their clear perception of the right and 
 the wrong of common and familiar things, for 
 their reference to principle in the ordinary 
 affairs of life, and for their united maintenance 
 of that social order, sound integrity, and do- 
 
 mestic peace, which constitute the foundation 
 of all that is most valuable in the society of 
 our native land. 
 
 Much as I have said of the influence of the 
 domestic habits of my countrywomen, it is, 
 after all, to the prevalence of religious instruc- 
 tion, and the operation of religious principle 
 upon the heart, that the consistent mainte- 
 nance of their high tone of moral character is 
 to be attributed. Among families in the mid- 
 dle class of society of this country, those who 
 live without regard to religion are exceptions 
 to the general rule ; while the great propor- 
 tion of individuals thus circumstanced are not 
 only accustomed to give their time and atten- 
 tion to religious observances, but, there is 
 every reason to believe, are materially affect- 
 ed in their lives and conduct by the operation 
 of Christian principles upon their own minds. 
 Women are said to be more easily brought 
 under this influence than men ; and we con- 
 sequently see, in places of public worship, and 
 on all occasions in which a religious object is 
 the motive for exertion, a greater proportion 
 of women than of men. The same proportion 
 may possibly be observed in places of amuse- 
 ment, and where objects less desirable claim 
 the attention of the public ; but this ought not 
 to render us insensible to the high privileges 
 of our favored country, where there is so 
 much to interest, to please, and to instruct, in 
 what is connected with the highest and holiest 
 uses to which we can devote the talents com- 
 mitted to our trust. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 IT might form a subject of interesting in- 
 quiry, how far the manifold advantages pos- 
 sessed by England as a country, derive their 
 origin remotely from the cause already descri- 
 bed ; but the immediate object of the present 
 work is to show how intimate is the connection 
 which exists between the women of England, 
 and the moral character maintained by their
 
 1 
 
 INFLUENCE OF 
 
 country in the scale of nations. For a woman 
 o undertake such a task, may at first sight 
 appear like an act of presumption ; yet when 
 t is considered that the appropriate business 
 of men is to direct, and expatiate upon those 
 xpansive and important measures for which 
 their capabilities are more peculiarly adapted, 
 and that to women belongs the minute and 
 particular observance of all those trifles which 
 ill up the sum of human happiness or misery, 
 t may surely be deemed pardonable for a 
 woman to solicit the serious attention of her 
 own sex, while she endeavors to prove that 
 it is the minor morals of domestic life which 
 give the tone to English character, and that 
 over this sphere of duty it is her peculiar prov- 
 ince to preside. 
 
 Aware that the word preside, used as it is 
 icre, may produce a startling effect upon the 
 ar of man, I must endeavor to bespeak his 
 forbearance, by assuring him, that the highest 
 aim of the writer does not extend beyond the 
 act of warning the women of England back 
 to their domestic duties, in order that they 
 may become better wives, more useful daugh- 
 ters and mothers, who by their examples shall 
 bequeath a rich inheritance to those who fol- 
 low in their steps. 
 
 On the other hand, I am equally aware 
 that a work such as I am proposing to myself 
 must be liable to the condemnation of all mod- 
 ern young ladies, as a homely, uninteresting 
 book, and wholly unsuited to the present en- 
 tightened times. I must therefore endeavor 
 also to conciliate their good-will, by assuring 
 them, that all which is must lovely, poetical, 
 and interesting, nay, even heroic in women, 
 derives its existence from the source I am 
 now about to open to their view, with all the 
 ability I am able to command : and would 
 it were a hundred-fold, for their Bakes ! 
 
 The kind of encouragement I would hole 
 out to them is, however, of a nature so wide- 
 ly different from the compliments to which 
 they are too much accustomed, that I fee 
 the difficulty existing in the present day, o 
 stimulating a laudable ambition in the femal< 
 mind, without the aid of public praise o 
 printed records of the actual product of thei 
 
 meritorious exertions. The sphere of wo- 
 man's happiest and most beneficial influence 
 is a domestic one, but it is not easy to award 
 even to her quiet and unobtrusive virtues 
 hat meed of approbation which they really 
 deserve, without exciting a desire to forsake 
 the homely household duties of the family 
 circle to practise such as are more conspic- 
 uous, and consequently more productive of 
 an immediate harvest of applause. 
 
 I say this with all kindness, and I desire 
 to say it with all gentleness, to the young, 
 the amiable, and the vain; at the same 
 time that my perception of the temptation to 
 which they are exposed, enchances my value 
 for the principle that is able to withstand it, 
 and increases my admiration of those noble- 
 minded women who are able to carry forward, 
 with exemplary patience and perseverance, 
 the public offices of benevolence, without 
 sacrificing their home duties, and who thus 
 prove to the world, that the perfection of 
 female character is a combination of private 
 and public virtue, of domestic charity, and 
 zeal for the temporal and eternal happiness 
 of the whole human race. 
 
 No one can be further than the writer ol 
 these pages from wishing to point out as ob- 
 jects of laudable emulation those domestic 
 drudges, who, because of some affinity be- 
 tween culinary operations, and the natural 
 tone and character of their own minds, prefer 
 the kitchen to the drawing-room, of their 
 own free choice, employ their whole lives in 
 the constant bustle of providing for mere 
 animal appetite, and waste their ingenuity in 
 the creation of new wants and wishes, which 
 all their faculties again are taxed to supply 
 This class of individuals have, by a sad mis- 
 take in our nomenclature, been called useful, 
 and hence, in some degree, may arise the 
 unpopular reception which this valuable 
 word is apt to meet with in female society. 
 
 It does not require much consideration to 
 perceive that these are not the women to 
 give a high moral tone to the national char- 
 acter of England ; yet so entirely do human 
 actions derive their dignity or their meanness 
 from the motives by which they are prompted
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 15 
 
 that it is no violation of truth to say, the 
 most servile drudgery may be ennobled by 
 the self-sacrifice, the patience, the cheerful 
 submission to duty, with which it is perform- 
 ed. Thus a high-minded and intellectual 
 woman is never more truly great than when 
 willingly and judiciously performing kind of- 
 fices for the sick ; arid much as may be said, 
 and said justly, in praise of the public virtues 
 of women, the voice of nature is so powerful 
 in every human heart, that, could the ques- 
 tion of superiority on these two points be 
 universally proposed, a response would be 
 heard throughout the world, in favor of wo- 
 man in her private and domestic character. 
 
 Nor would the higher and more expansive 
 powers of usefulness with which women are 
 endowed, suffer from want of exercise, did 
 they devote themselves assiduously to their 
 domestic duties. I am rather inclined -to 
 think they would receive additional vigor 
 from the healthy tone of their own minds, 
 and the leisure and liberty afforded by the 
 systematic regularity of their household af- 
 fairs. Time would never hang heavily on 
 their hands, but each moment being hus- 
 banded with care, and every agent acting 
 under their influence being properly chosen 
 and instructed, they would find ample op- 
 portunity to go forth on errands of mercy, 
 secure that in their absence the machinery 
 they had set in motion would still continue 
 to work, and to work well. 
 
 But if, on the other hand, all was confu- 
 sion and neglect at home filial appeals un- 
 answered domestic comforts uncalculated 
 husbands, sons, and brothers referred to ser- 
 vants for all the little offices of social kind- 
 ness, in order that the ladies of the family 
 might hurry away at the appointed time to 
 some committee-room, scientific lecture, or 
 public assembly : however laudable the ob- 
 ject for which they met, there would be suf- 
 ficient cause why their cheeks should be 
 mantled with a blush of burning shame, when 
 they heard the women of England and their 
 virtues spoken of in that high tone of appro- 
 bation and applause, which those who aspire 
 only to be about their Master's business will 
 
 feel little pleasure in listening to, and which 
 those whose charity has not begun at home, 
 ought never to appropriate to themselves. 
 
 It is a widely mistaken notion to suppose 
 that the sphere of usefulness recommended 
 here, is a humiliating and degrading one. As 
 if the earth that fosters and nourishes in its 
 lovely bosom the roots of all the plants and 
 trees which ornament the garden of the world, 
 feeding them from her secret storehouse with 
 supplies that never fail, were less important, 
 in the economy of vegetation, than the sun 
 that brings to light their verdure and their 
 flowers, or the genial atmosphere that per- 
 fects their growth, and diffuses their perfume 
 abroad upon the earth. To. carry out the 
 simile still further, it is but just to give the 
 preference to that element which, in the ab- 
 sence of all other favoring circumstances, 
 withholds not its support ; but when the sun 
 is shrouded, and the showers forget to fall, 
 and blighting winds go forth, and the hand 
 of culture is withdrawn, still opens out its 
 hidden fountains, and yields up its resources, 
 to invigorate, to cherish, and sustain. 
 
 It would be an easy and a grateful task, 
 thus, by metaphor and illustration, to prove 
 the various excellences and amiable peculi- 
 arities of women, did not the utility of the 
 present work demand a more minute and 
 homely detail of that which constitutes her 
 practical and individual duty. It is too much 
 the custom with writers, to speak in these 
 general terms of the loveliness of the female 
 character ; as if woman were some fragrant 
 flower, created only to bloom, and exhale in 
 sweets ; when perhaps these very writers 
 are themselves most strict in requiring that 
 the domestic drudgery of their own house- 
 holds should each day be faithfully filled up. 
 How much more generous, just, and noble 
 would it be to deal fairly by woman in these 
 matters, and to tell her that to be individually, 
 what she is praised for being in general, it is 
 necessary for her to lay aside all her natural 
 caprice, her love of self-indulgence, her vani- 
 ty, her indolence in short, her very self and 
 assuming a new nature, which nothing less 
 than watchfulness and prayer can enable her
 
 16 
 
 INFLUENCE OF 
 
 constantly to maintain, to spend her mental 
 and moral capabilities in devising means for 
 promoting the happiness of others, while her 
 own derives a remote and secondary exist- 
 ence from theirs. 
 
 If an admiration almost unbounded for the 
 perfection of female character, with a sisterly 
 participation in all the errors and weaknesses 
 to which she is liable, and a profound sympa- 
 thy with all that she is necessarily compelled 
 to feel and suffer, are qualifications for the 
 task I have undertaken, these certainly are 
 points on which I yield to none ; but at the 
 same time that I do my feeble best, I must 
 deeply regret that so few are the voices lifted 
 up in her defence against the dangerous in- 
 fluence of popular applause, and the still more 
 dangerous tendency of modern habits, and 
 modern education. Perhaps it is not to be 
 expected that those who write most powerful- 
 ly, should most clearly perceive the influence 
 of the one, or the tendency of the other ; be- 
 cause the very strength and consistency of 
 their own minds must in some measure 
 exempt them from participation in either. 
 While, therefore, in the art of reasoning, a 
 writer like myself must be painfully sensible 
 of her own deficiency, in sympathy of feeling, 
 she is perhaps the better qualified to address 
 the weakest of her sex. 
 
 With such, it is a favorite plea, brought for- 
 ward in extenuation of their own uselessness, 
 that they have no influence that they are 
 not leading women that society takes no 
 note of them ; forgetting, while they shelter 
 themselves beneath these indolent excuses, 
 that the very feather on the stream may 
 serve to warn the doubtful mariner of the rap- 
 id and fatal current by which his bark might 
 be hurried to destruction. It is, moreover, 
 from among this class that wives are more 
 frequently chosen ; for there is a peculiarity 
 in men I would fain call it benevolence which 
 inclines them to offer the benefit of their pro- 
 tection to the most helpless and dependant of 
 the female sex ; and therefore it is upon this 
 class that the duty of training up the young 
 most frequently devolves ; not certainly up- 
 on the naturally imbecile, but upon the uncal- 
 
 culating creatures whose non-exercise of their 
 own mental and moral faculties renders them 
 not only willing to be led through the experi- 
 ence of life, but thankful to be relieved from 
 the responsibility of thinking and acting for 
 themselves. 
 
 It is an important consideration, that from 
 such women as these, myriads of immortal 
 beings derive that early bias of character, 
 which under Providence decides their fate, 
 not only in this world, but in the world to 
 come. And yet they flutter on, and say they 
 have no influence they do not aspire to be 
 leading women they are in society but as 
 grains of sand on the sea-shore. Would 
 they but pause one moment to ask how will 
 this plea avail them, when as daughters with- 
 out gratitude, friends without good faith, wives 
 without consideration, and mothers without 
 piety, they stand before the bar of judgment, to 
 render an account of the talents committed to 
 their trust ! Have they not parents, to whom 
 they might study to repay the debt of care 
 and kindness accumulated in their childhood ? 
 perhaps to whom they might overpay this 
 debt, by assisting to remove such obstacles as 
 apparently intercept the line of duty, and by 
 endeavoring to alleviate the perplexing cares 
 which too often obscure the path of life 1 
 Have they not their young friendships, for 
 those sunny hours when the heart expands 
 itself in the genial atmosphere of mutual love, 
 and shrinks not from revealing its very weak- 
 nesses and errors ; so that a faithful hand has 
 but to touch its lenderrhords, and conscience 
 is awakened, and then instruction may be 
 poured in, and medicine may be administered, 
 and the messenger of peace, with healing on 
 his wings, may be invited to come in, and make 
 that heart his home ? Have not they known 
 the secrets of some faithful bosom laid bare 
 before them in a deeper and yet more confi- 
 ding attachment, when, however insignificant 
 they might be to the world in general, they 
 held an influence almost unbounded over one 
 human being, and could pour in, for the bane 
 or the blessing of that bosom, according to 
 the fountain from whence their own was sup- 
 plied, either draughts of bitterness or floods
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 17 
 
 of light? Have they not bound themselves by 
 a sacred and enduring bond, to be to one fel- 
 low-traveller along the path of life, a compan- 
 ion on his journey, and, as far as ability might 
 be granted them, a guide and a help in the 
 doubts and the difficulties of his way 7 Under 
 these urgent and serious responsibilities, have 
 they not been appealed to, both in words and 
 in looks, and in the silent language of the 
 heart, for that promised help 7 And how has 
 the appeal been answered ? Above all, have 
 they not, many of them, had the feeble steps 
 of infancy committed to their care the pure 
 unsullied page of childhood presented to 
 them for its first and most durable inscrip- 
 tion 1 and what have they written there 1 
 It is vain to plead their inability, and say they 
 knew not what to write, and therefore left 
 the tablet untouched, or sent away the vacant 
 page to be filled up by other hands. Time 
 will prove to them they have written, if not 
 by any direct instrumentality, by their exam- 
 ple, their conversation, and the natural influ- 
 ence of mind on mind. Experience will prove 
 to them they have written ; and the tran- 
 script of what they have written, will be treas- 
 ured up, either for or against them, among 
 the awful records of eternity. 
 
 It is therefore not only false in reasoning, 
 but wrong in principle, for women to assert, 
 as they not unfrequently do with a degree of 
 puerile satisfaction, that they have no influ- 
 ence. An influence fraught either with good 
 or evil, they must have ; and though the one 
 may be above their ambition, and the other 
 beyond their fears, by neglecting to obtain an 
 influence which shall be beneficial to society, 
 they necessarily assume a bad one : just in 
 the same proportion as their selfishness, in- 
 dolence, or vacuity of mind, render them in 
 youth an easy prey to every species of unami- 
 able temper, in middle age the melancholy 
 victims of mental disease, and, long before the 
 curtain of death conceals their follies from the 
 world, a burden and a bane to society at 
 large. 
 
 A superficial observer might rank with this 
 class many of those exemplary women, who 
 pass to and fro upon the earth with noiseless 
 
 step, whose names are never heard, and who, 
 even in society, if they attempt to speak, have 
 scarcely the ability to command an attentive 
 audience. Yet among this unpretending 
 class are found striking and noble instances 
 of women, who, apparently feeble and insig- 
 nificant, when called into action by pressing 
 and peculiar circumstances, can accomplish 
 great and glorious purposes, supported and 
 carried forward by that most valuable of all 
 faculties moral power. And just in propor- 
 tion as women cultivate this faculty (under 
 the blessing of Heaven) independently of all 
 personal attractions, and unaccompanied by 
 any high attainments in teaming or art, is 
 their influence over their fellow-creatures, 
 and consequently their power of doing good. 
 
 It is not to be presumed that women pos- 
 sess more moral power than men ; but happi- 
 ly for them, such are their early impressions, 
 associations, and general position in the world, 
 that their moral feelings are less liable to be 
 impaired by the pecuniary objects which too 
 often constitute the chief end of man, and 
 which, even under the limitations of better 
 principle, necessarily engage a large portion of 
 his thoughts. There are many humble-mind- 
 ed women, not remarkable for any particular 
 intellectual endowments, who yet possess so 
 clear a sense of the right and wrong of individ- 
 al actions, as to be of essential service in aiding 
 the judgments of their husbands, brothers, or 
 sons, in those intricate affairs in which it is 
 sometimes difficult to dissever worldly wis- 
 dom from religious duty. 
 
 To men belongs the potent (I had almost 
 said the omnipotent') consideration of worldly 
 aggrandizement ; and it is constantly mis- 
 leading their steps, closing their ears against 
 the voice of conscience, and beguiling them 
 with the promise of peace, where peace was 
 never found. Long before the boy has learn- 
 ed to exult in the dignity of the man, his 
 mind has become familiarized to the habit 
 of investing with supreme importance, all 
 considerations relating to the acquisition 
 wealth. He hears on the Sabbath, and on 
 stated occasions, when men meet for that 
 especial purpose, of a God to be worshipped,
 
 18 
 
 INFLUENCE OF 
 
 a Saviour to be trusted in, and a holy law to 
 be observed; but he sees before him, and 
 every day and every hour, a strife, which is 
 nothing less than deadly to the highest im- 
 pulses of the soul, after another God the 
 Mammon of unrighteousness the Moloch of 
 this world ; and believing rather what men 
 do, than what they preach, he learns too 
 soon to mingle with the living mass, and to 
 unite his labors with theirs. To unite ! Alas ! 
 there is no union in the great field of action 
 in which he is engaged ; but envy, and ha- 
 tred, and opposition, to the close of the day, 
 every man's hand against his brother, and 
 each struggling to exalt himself, not merely 
 by trampling upon his fallen foe, but by 
 usurping the place of his weaker brother, 
 who faints by his side, from not having 
 brought an equal portion of strength into the 
 conflict, and who is consequently borne down 
 by numbers, hurried over, and forgotten. 
 
 This may be an extreme, but it is scarcely 
 an exaggerated picture of the engagements 
 of men of business in the present day. And 
 surely they now need more than ever all the 
 assistance which Providence has kindly pro- 
 vided, to win them away from this warfare, 
 to remind them that they are hastening on 
 towards a world into which none of the 
 treasures they are amassing can be admit- 
 ted; and, next to those holier influences 
 which operate through the medium of reve- 
 lation, or through the mysterious instrumen- 
 tality of Divine love, I have little hesitation 
 in saying, that the society of woman, in her 
 highest moral capacity, is best calculated to 
 effect this purpose. 
 
 How often has man returned to his home 
 with a mind confused by the many voices, 
 which in the mart, the exchange, or the public 
 assembly, have addressed themselves to his 
 inborn selfishness or his worldly pride ; and 
 while his integrity was shaken, and his reso- 
 lution gave way beneath the pressure of ap- 
 parent necessity, or the insidious pretences of 
 expediency, he has stood corrected before the 
 clear eye of woman, as it looked directly to 
 the naked truth, and detected the lurking evil 
 of the specious act he was about to commit 
 
 Nay, so potent may have become this secret 
 influence, that he may have borne it about 
 with him like a kind of second conscience, 
 for mental reference, and spiritual counsel, 
 in moments of trial ; and when the snares of 
 the world were around him, and temptations 
 from within and without have bribed over 
 the witness in his own bosom, he has thought 
 of the humble monitress who sat alone, 
 guarding the fireside comforts of his distant 
 home ; and the remembrance of her charac- 
 ter, clothed in moral beauty, has scattered 
 the clouds before his mental vision, and sent 
 him back to that beloved home, a wiser and 
 a better man. 
 
 The women of England, possessing the 
 grand privilege of being better instructed 
 than those of any other country in the minu- 
 tiie of domestic comfort, have obtained a 
 degree of importance in society far beyond 
 what their unobtrusive virtues would appear 
 to claim. The long-established customs of 
 their country, have placed in their hands the 
 high and holy duty of cherishing and pro- 
 tecting the minor morals of life, from whence 
 springs all that is elevated in purpose, and 
 glorious in action. The sphere of their direct 
 personal influence is central, and consequent- 
 ly small ; but its extreme operations are as 
 widely extended as the range of human feel- 
 ing. They may be less striking in society 
 than some of the women of other countries, 
 and may feel themselves, on brilliant and 
 stirring occasions, as simple, rude, and un- 
 sophisticated in the popular science of ex- 
 citement ; but as far as the noble daring of 
 Britain lias sent forth her adventurous sons, 
 and that is to every point of danger on the 
 habitable globe, they have borne along with 
 them a generosity, a disinterestedness, and a 
 moral courage, derived in no small measure 
 from the female influence of their native 
 country. 
 
 It is a fact well worthy of our most serious 
 attention, and one which bears immediately 
 upon the subject under consideration, that 
 the present state of our national affairs is 
 such as to indicate that the influence of wo- 
 man in counteracting the growing evils of
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 19 
 
 society is about to be more needed than 
 ever. 
 
 In our imperfect state of being, we seldom 
 attain any great or national good without its 
 accompaniment of evil ; and every improve- 
 ment proposed for the general weal, has, up- 
 on some individual, or some class of individ- 
 uals, an effect which it requires a fresh exer- 
 cise of energy and principle to guard against. 
 Thus the great facilities of communication, 
 not only throughout our own country, but 
 with distant parts of the world, are rousing 
 men of every description to tenfold exertion 
 in the field of competition in which they are 
 engaged ; so that their whole being is becom- 
 ing swallowed up in efforts and calculations 
 relating to their pecuniary success. If to 
 grow tardy or indifferent in the race were 
 only to lose the goal, many would be glad 
 to pause ; but such is the nature of com- 
 merce and trade as at present carried on in 
 this country, that to slacken in exertion, is 
 altogether to fail. I would fain hope and be- 
 lieve of my countrymen, that many of the 
 rational and enlightened would now be wil- 
 ling to reap smaller gains, if by so doing they 
 could enjoy more leisure. But a business 
 only half attended to, soon ceases to be a 
 business at all ; and the man of enlightened 
 understanding, who neglects his, for the sake 
 of hours of leisure, must be content to spend 
 them in the debtor's department of a jail. 
 
 Thus, it is not with single individuals that 
 the blame can be made to rest. The fault is 
 in the system ; and happy will it be for 
 thousands of immortal souls, when this sys- 
 tem shall correct itself. In the mean time, 
 may it not be said to be the especial duty of 
 women to look around them, and see in what 
 way they can counteract this evil, by calling 
 back the attention of man to those sunnier 
 spots in his existence, by which the growth 
 of his moral feelings have been encouraged, 
 and his heart improved) 
 
 We cannot believe of the fathers who 
 watched over our childhood, of the husbands 
 who shared our intellectual pursuits, of the 
 brothers who went hand in hand with us in 
 our love of poetry and nature, that they are 
 
 all gone over to the side of mammon, that 
 there does not lurk in some corner of their 
 hearts a secret longing to return ; yet every 
 morning brings the same hurried and indif- 
 ferent parting, every evening the same jaded, 
 speechless, welcomeless return until we al- 
 most fail to recognise the man, in the ma- 
 chine. 
 
 English homes have been much boasted of 
 by English people, both at home and abroad. 
 What would a foreigner think of those neat, 
 and sometimes elegant residences, which 
 form a circle of comparative gentility around 
 our cities and our trading towns) What 
 would he think, when told that the fathers of 
 those families have not time to see their chil- 
 dren except on the Sabbath-day 1 and that 
 the mothers, impatient, and anxious to con- 
 sult them about some of their domestic plans, 
 have to wait, perhaps for days, before they can 
 find them for five minutes disengaged, either 
 from actual exertion, or from that sleep 
 which necessarily steals upon them immedi- 
 ately after the over-excitement of the day 
 has permitted them a moment of repose. 
 
 And these are rational, intellectual, ac- 
 countable, and immortal beings, undergoing 
 a course of discipline by which they are to 
 be fitted for eternal existence ! What wo- 
 man can look on without asking " Is there 
 nothing I can do, to call them back )" Surely 
 there is ; but it never can be done by the 
 cultivation of those faculties which contribute 
 only to selfish gratification. Since her so- 
 ciety is shared for so short a time, she must 
 endeavor to make those moments more rich 
 in blessing ; and since her influence is limited 
 to so small a range of immediate operation, 
 it should be rendered so potent as to mingle 
 with the. whole existence of those she loves. 
 
 Will an increase of intellectual attainments, 
 or a higher style of accomplishments, effect 
 this purpose) Will the common-place fri- 
 volities of morning calls, or an interminable 
 range of superficial reading, enable them to 
 assist their brothers, their husbands, or their 
 sons in becoming happier and better men ) 
 
 No : let the aspect of society be what it 
 may, man is a social being, and beneath the
 
 20 
 
 MODERN EDUCATION OF 
 
 hard surface he puts on, to fit him for the 
 wear and tear of every day, he has a heart 
 as true to the kindly affections of our nature, 
 as that of woman as true, though not as 
 suddenly awakened to every passing call. 
 He has therefore need of all her sisterly ser- 
 vices, and, under the pressure of the present 
 times, he needs them more than ever, to fos- 
 ter in his nature, and establish in his charac- 
 ter, that higher tone of feeling without which 
 he can enjoy nothing beyond a kind of ani- 
 mal existence but with which, he may 
 faithfully pursue the necessary avocations 
 of the day, and keep as it were a separate 
 soul for his family, his social duty, and his 
 God. 
 
 There is another point of consideration by 
 which this necessity for a higher degree of 
 female influence is greatly increased, and it 
 is one which comprises much that is inter- 
 esting to those who aspire to be the support- 
 ers of their country's worth. The British 
 throne being now graced by a female sove- 
 reign, the auspicious promise of whose early 
 years peems to form a new era in the annals 
 of our ration, and to inspire with brighter 
 hopes and firmer confidence the patriot bo- 
 soms of her expectant people ; it is surely 
 not a time fci the female part of the commu- 
 nity to fall sway from the high standard of. 
 moral excellence, to which they have been 
 accustomed to look, in the formation of their 
 domestic habits. Rather let them show forth 
 the benefits arising from their more enlight- 
 ened systems of education, by proving to 
 their youthful sovereign, that whatever plan 
 she may think it right to sanction for the 
 moral advancement of her subjects, and the 
 promotion of their true interests as an intelli- 
 gent and happy people, will be welcomed by 
 every female heart throughout her realm, 
 and faithfully supported in every British 
 home by the female influence prevailing 
 there. 
 
 It will be the business of the writer through 
 the whole of the succeeding pages of this 
 work, to endeavor to point out, how the wo- 
 men of England may render this important 
 service, not only to the members of their own 
 
 households, but to the community at large ; 
 and if I fail in arousing them to bring, as 
 with one mind, their united powers to stem 
 the popular torrent now threatening to un- 
 dermine the strong foundation of England's 
 moral worth, it will not be for want of earn- 
 estness in the cause, but because I am not 
 endowed with talent equal to the task. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 MODERN EDUCATION. 
 
 IN writing on the subject of modern edu- 
 cation, I cannot help entertaining a fear lest 
 some remarks I may in candor feel con- 
 strained to make, should be construed into 
 disrespect towards that truly praiseworthy 
 and laborious portion of the community, em- 
 ployed in conducting this education, and 
 pursuing, with laudable endeavors, what is 
 generally believed to be the best method of 
 training up the young women of the present 
 day. Such, however, is the real state of my 
 own sentiments, that I have long been ac- 
 customed to consider this class of individuals 
 as not only entitled to the highest pecuniary 
 consideration, but equally so to the first 
 place in society, to the gratitude of their fel- 
 low-creatures, and to the respect of mankind 
 in general, who, both as individuals, and as 
 a community, are deeply indebted to them 
 for their indefatigable and often ill-requited 
 services. 
 
 A woman of cultivated understanding and 
 correct religious principle, when engaged in 
 the responsible task of educating the rising 
 generation, in reality fills one of the most re- 
 sponsible stations to which a human being 
 can aspire ; and nothing can more clearly in- 
 dicate a low state of public morals than the 
 vulgar disrespect and parsimonious remune- 
 ration with which the agents employed in 
 education are sometimes requited. 
 
 It is with what is taught, not with those 
 who teach, that I am daring enough to find 
 fault It may be that I am taking an unen-
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 21 
 
 lightened and prejudiced view of the subject ; 
 yet, such is the strong conviction of ray own 
 mind, that I cannot rest without attempting 
 to prove that the present education of the 
 women of England does not fit them for 
 faithfully performing the duties which de- 
 Yolve upon them immediately after their 
 leaving school, and throughout the whole of 
 their after lives, does not convert them from 
 helpless children into such characters as all 
 women must be, in order to be either esteem- 
 ed or admired. 
 
 Nor are their teachers accountable for this. 
 It is the fashion of the day it is the ambition 
 of the times, that all people should, as far as 
 possible, learn all tilings of which the human 
 intellect takes cognizance ; and what would 
 be the consternation of parents whose daugh- 
 ter should return home to them from school 
 unskilled in modern accomplishments, to 
 whom her governess should say, " It is true, 
 I have been unable to make your child a 
 proficient either in French or Latin, nor is she 
 very apt at the use of the globes, but she has 
 been pre-eminent among my scholars for her 
 freedom from selfishness, and she possesses 
 a nobility of feeling that will never allow her 
 to be the victim of meanness, or the slave of 
 grovelling desires." 
 
 In order to ascertain -what kind of educa- 
 tion is most effective in making woman what 
 she ought to be, the best method is to inquire 
 into the character, station, and peculiar du- 
 ties of woman throughout the largest portion 
 of her earthly career ; and then ask, for what 
 she is most valued, admired, and beloved. 
 
 In answer to this, I have little hesitation in 
 saying, for her disinterested kindness. Look 
 at all the heroines whether of romance or 
 reality at all the female characters that are 
 held up to universal admiration at all who 
 have gone down to honored graves, among 
 the tears and the lamentations of their sur- 
 vivors. Have these been the learned, the 
 accomplished women ; the women who could 
 speak many languages, who could solve 
 problems, and elucidate systems of philoso- 
 phy 1 No : or if they have, they have also 
 been women who were dignified with the 
 
 majesty of moral greatness women who re- 
 garded not themselves, their own feebleness, 
 or their own susceptibility of pain, but who, 
 endued with an almost superhuman energy, 
 could trample under foot every impediment 
 that intervened between them and the accom- 
 plishment of some great object upon which 
 their hopes w r ere fixed, while that object was 
 wholly unconnected with their own personal 
 exaltation or enjoyment, and related only to 
 some beloved object, whose suffering was 
 their sorrow, whose good their gain. 
 
 Woman, with all her accumulation of mi- 
 nute disquietudes, her weakness, and her 
 sensibility, is but a meager item in the cata- 
 logue of humanity ; but roused by a suffi- 
 cient motive to forget all these, or, rather, 
 continually forgetting them, because she has 
 other and nobler thoughts to occupy her 
 mind, woman is truly and majestically great 
 
 Never yet, however, was woman great be- 
 cause she had great acquirements ; nor can 
 she ever be great in herself personally, and 
 without instrumentality as an object, not an 
 agent 
 
 From the beginning to the end of school 
 education, the improvement of self, so far- as 
 relates to intellectual attainments, is made 
 the rule and the motive of all that is done. 
 Rewards are appointed and portioned out 
 for what has been learned, not what has 
 been imparted. To gain, is the universal 
 order of the establishment ; and those who 
 have heaped together the greatest sum of 
 knowledge are usually regarded as the most 
 meritorious. Excellent discourses may be 
 delivered by the preceptress upon the Chris- 
 tian duties of benevolence and disinterested 
 love ; but the whole system is one of pure 
 selfishness, fed by accumulation, and reward- 
 ed by applause. To be at the head of the 
 class, to gain the ticket or the prize, are the 
 points of universal ambition ; and few in- 
 dividuals, among the community of aspi- 
 rants, are taught to look forward with a ra- 
 tional presentiment to that future, when their 
 merit will be to give the place of honor to 
 others, and their happiness to give it to those 
 who are more worthy than themselves.
 
 22 
 
 MODERN EDUCATION OF 
 
 We will not assert that no one entertains 
 such thoughts; for there is a voice in wo- 
 man's heart too strong for education a prin- 
 ciple which the march of intellect is unable 
 to overthrow. 
 
 Retiring from the emulous throng, we some- 
 times find a little, despised, neglected girl, who 
 has won no prize, obtained no smile of appro- 
 bation from her superiors. She is a dull girl, 
 who learns slowly, and cannot be taught so 
 as to keep up with the rest without incalcu- 
 lable pains. The fact is, she has no great 
 wish to keep up with them : she only wants 
 to be loved and trusted by her teachers ; and 
 oh ! how does she wish, with tears, and al- 
 most with prayers, that they would love and 
 trust her, and give her credit for doing her 
 best Beyond this she is indifferent ; she has 
 no motive but that of pleasing others, for try- 
 ing to be clever; and she is quite satisfied 
 that her friend, the most ambitious girl in the 
 school, should obtain all the honors without 
 her competition. Indeed, she feels as though 
 it scarcely would be delicate, scarcely kind m 
 her, to try so much to advance before her 
 friend ; and she gently falls back, is reproved 
 for her neglect, and, finally, despised. 
 
 I knew a girl who was one of the best 
 grammarians in a large school, whose friend 
 was peculiarly defective in that particular 
 branch of learning. Once every year the 
 order of the class was reversed, the girl who 
 held the highest place exchanging situations 
 with the lowest, and thus affording all an 
 equal chance of obtaining honors. The usual 
 order of the class was soon restored, except 
 that the good grammarian was always ex- 
 pected by her friend to whisper in her ear a 
 suitable answer to every question proposed, 
 and as this girl necessarily retrograded to the 
 place to which her own ignorance entitled 
 her, her friend felt bound by affection and 
 kindness to relieve her distress every time 
 the alarming question came to her turn. 
 She consequently remained the lowest in the 
 class until the time of her leaving the school, 
 often subjected to the reproofs of her teach- 
 ers, and fully alive to her humiliating situa- 
 tion, but never once turning a deaf ear to 
 
 her friend, or refusing to assist her in her 
 difficulties. 
 
 In the schools of the ancients, an act of 
 patient disinterestedness like this, would have 
 met with encouragement and reward ; in the 
 school where it took place, it was well for 
 both parties that it was never known. 
 
 In making these and similar remarks, I 
 am aware that I may bring upon myself the 
 charge of wishing to exclude from our 
 schools all intellectual attainments what- 
 ever ; for how, it will be asked, can learning 
 be acquired without emulation, and without 
 rewards for the diligent, and punishments 
 for the idle? 
 
 So far, however, from wishing to cast a 
 shade of disrespect over such attainments, I 
 am decidedly of opinion that no human be- 
 ing can know too much, so long as the sphere 
 of knowledge does not extend to what is 
 positively evil. I am also of opinion that 
 there is scarcely any department of art or 
 science, still less of mental application, which 
 is not calculated to strengthen and improve 
 the mind ; but at the same time I regard the 
 improvement of the heart of so much greater 
 consequence, that if time and opportunity 
 should fail for both, I would strenuously 
 recommend that women should be sent 
 home from school with fewer accomplish- 
 ments, and more of the will and the power 
 to perform the various duties necessarily de- 
 volving upon them. 
 
 Again, I am reminded of the serious and 
 important fact, that religion alone can im- 
 prove the heart ; and to this statement no 
 one can yield assent with more reverential 
 belief in its truth than myself. I acknow- 
 ledge, also, for I know it to be a highly cred- 
 itable fact, that a large proportion of the mer- 
 itorious individuals who take upon them- 
 selves the arduous task of training up the 
 young, are conscientiously engaged in giving 
 to religious instruction that place which it 
 ought unquestionably to hold in every Chris- 
 tian school. But I would ask, is instruction 
 all that is wanted for instilling into the minds 
 of the rising generation the benign principles 
 of Christian faith and practice ?
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 23 
 
 It is not thought enough to instruct the 
 young sculptor in the rules of his art, to 
 charge his memory with the names of those 
 who have excelled in it, and with the princi- 
 ples they have laid down for the guidance of 
 others. No : he must work with his own 
 hand; and long before that hand, and the 
 mind by which it is influenced, have attained 
 maturity, he must have learned to mould the 
 pliant clay, and have thus become familiar 
 with the practice of his art. 
 
 And shall this universally acknowledged 
 system of instruction, to which we are in- 
 debted for all that is excellent in art and ad- 
 mirable in science, be neglected in the educa- 
 tion of the young Christian alone ? Shall he 
 be taught the bare theory of his religion, and 
 left to work out its practice as he can ? Shall 
 he be instructed in what he is to believe, and 
 not assisted in doing also the will of his 
 heavenly Father ? 
 
 We all know that it is not easy to practise 
 even the simplest rule of right, when we 
 have not been accustomed to do so : and the 
 longer we are before we begin to regulate 
 our conduct by the precepts of religion, the 
 more difficult it will be to acquire such habits 
 as are calculated to adorn and show forth 
 the purity and excellence of its principles. 
 
 There is one important difference between 
 the acquisition of knowledge, and the acqui- 
 sition of good habits, which of itself ought to 
 be sufficient to ensure a greater degree of at- 
 tention to the latter. When the little pupil 
 first begins her education, her mind is a total 
 blank, as far as relates to the different branches 
 of study into which she is about to be intro- 
 duced, and there is consequently nothing to 
 oppose. She is not prepossessed in favor of 
 any false system of arithmetic, grammar, or 
 geography, and the ideas presented to her 
 on these subjects are consequently willingly 
 received, and adopted as her own. 
 
 How different is the moral state of the un- 
 instructed child ! Selfishness coeval with 
 her existence has attained an alarming 
 growth ; and all the other passions and pro- 
 pensities inherent in her nature, taking their 
 natural course, have strengthened with her 
 
 advance towards maturity, and are ready to 
 assume an aspect too formidable to afford 
 any prospect of their being easily brought 
 into subjection. 
 
 Yet, notwithstanding this difference, the 
 whole machinery of education is brought to 
 bear upon the intellectual part of her nature, 
 and her moral feelings are left to the training 
 of the play-ground, where personal influ- 
 ence, rather than right feeling, too frequently 
 decides her disputes, and places her either 
 high or low in the ranks of her companions. 
 It is true, she is very seriously and proper- 
 ly corrected when convicted of having done 
 wrong, and an admirable system of morals is 
 promulgated in the school ; but the subject I 
 would complain of is, that no means have 
 yet been adopted for making the practice of 
 this system the object of highest importance 
 in our schools. No adequate means have 
 been adopted for testing the generosity, the 
 high-mindedness, the integrity of the chil- 
 dren who pursue their education at school, 
 until they leave it at the age of sixteen, when 
 their moral faculties, either for good or for 
 evil, must have attained considerable growth. 
 Let us single out from any particular semi- 
 nary a child who has been there from the 
 years of ten to fifteen, and reckon, if it can 
 be reckoned, the pains that have been spent 
 in making that child a proficient in Latin. 
 Have the same pains been spent in making 
 her disinterestedly kind ? And yet what 
 man is there in existence who would not 
 rather his wife should be free from selfish- 
 ness, than be able to read Virgil without the 
 use of a dictionary. 
 
 There is no reason, however, why both 
 these desirable ends should not be aimed at, 
 and as the child progresses in self-denial, for- 
 bearance, generosity, and disinterested kind- 
 ness, it might be her reward to advance in 
 the acquisition of languages, or of whatever 
 accomplishments it might be thought most 
 desirable for her to attain. If I am told there 
 would not be time for all the discipline requi- 
 site for the practice of morals, I ask in reply, 
 how much do most young ladies learn at 
 school for which they never find any use in
 
 24 
 
 MODERN EDUCATION OF 
 
 after life, and for which it is not probable, 
 from their circumstances, that they ever 
 should. Let the hours spent upon music by 
 those who have no ear upon drawing, by 
 those who might almost be said to have no 
 eye upon languages, by those who never 
 afterwards speak any other than their mother 
 tongue be added together year after year ; 
 and an aggregate of wasted time will present 
 itself! sufficient to alarm those who are sen- 
 sible of its value, and of the awful responsi- 
 bility of using it aright 
 
 It is impossible that the teachers, or even 
 the parents themselves, should always know 
 the future destiny of the child ; but there is 
 an appropriate sphere for women to move in, 
 from which those of the middle class in Eng- 
 land seldom deviate very widely. This 
 sphere has duties and occupations of its 
 own, from which no woman can shrink with- 
 out culpability and disgrace ; and the ques- 
 tion is, are women prepared for these duties 
 and occupations by what they learn at 
 school ? 
 
 For my own part, I know not how educa- 
 tion deserves the name, if it does not prepare 
 the individual whom it influences for filling 
 her appointed station in the best possible 
 manner. What, for instance, should we 
 think of a school for sailors, in which no- 
 thing was taught but the fine arts ; or for 
 musicians, in which the students were only 
 instructed in the theory of sound ? 
 
 With regard to the women of England, I 
 have already ventured to assert that the 
 quality for which, above all others, they are 
 esteemed and valued, is their disinterested 
 kindness. A selfish woman may not im- 
 properly be regarded as a monster, especially 
 in that sphere of life where there is a con- 
 stant demand made upon her services. But 
 how are women taught at school to forget 
 themselves, and to cultivate that high tone 
 of generous feeling to which the world is so 
 much indebted for the hope and the joy, the 
 peace and the consolation, which the influ- 
 ence and companionship of woman is able to 
 diffuse throughout its very deserts, visiting, 
 as with blessed sunshine, the abodes of the 
 
 wretched and the poor, and sharing cheer- 
 fully the lot of the afflicted? 
 
 In what school, or under what system of 
 modern education, can it be said that the 
 chief aim of the teachers, the object to which 
 their laborious exertions are mainly directed, 
 is to correct the evil of selfishness in the 
 hearts of their pupils ? Improved methods 
 of charging and surcharging the memory 
 are eagerly sought out, and pursued, at any 
 cost of time and patience, if not of health 
 itself ; but who ever thinks of establishing a 
 selfish class among the girls of her establish- 
 ment, or of awarding the honors and distinc- 
 tions of the school to such as have exhibited 
 the most meritorious instances of self-denial 
 for the benefit of others 1 
 
 It may be objected to this plan, that virtue 
 ought to be its own reward, and that honors 
 and rewards adjudged to the most meritorious 
 in a moral point of view, would be likely to 
 induce a degree of self-complacency wholly 
 inconsistent with Christian meekness. I am 
 aware that, in our imperfect state, no plan 
 can be laid down for the promotion of good, 
 with which evil will not be liable to mix. All 
 I contend for is, that the same system of dis- 
 cipline, with the same end in view, should be 
 begun and carried on at school, as that to 
 which the scholar will necessarily be subject- 
 ed in after life ; and that throughout the 
 training of her early years, the same stand- 
 ard of merit should be adopted, as she will 
 find herself compelled to look up to, when 
 released from that training, and sent forth 
 into the world to think and act for herself. 
 
 At school it has been the business of every 
 day to raise herself above her companions by 
 attainments greater than theirs ; in after life 
 it will be the business of every day to give 
 place to others, to think of their happiness, 
 and to make sacrifices of her own to pro- 
 mote it If such acts of self-denial, when 
 practised at school, should endanger the 
 equanimity of her mind by the approbation 
 they obtain, what will they do in the world 
 she is about to enter, where the unanimous 
 opinion of mankind, both in this and in past 
 ages, is in their favor, and where she must
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 25 
 
 perpetually hear woman spoken of in terms 
 of the highest commendation, not for her 
 learning, but for her disinterested kindness, 
 her earnest zeal in promoting the happiness 
 of her fellow-creatures, and the patience and 
 forbearance with which she studies to miti- 
 gate affliction and relieve distress 7 
 
 Would it not be safer, then, to begin at a 
 very early age to make the practice of these 
 virtues the chief object of their lives, guard- 
 ing at the same time against any self-com- 
 placency that might attach to the perform- 
 ance of them, by keeping always before their 
 view higher and nobler instances of virtue in 
 others ; and especially by a strict and con- 
 stant reference to the utter worthlessness of 
 all human merit, in comparison with the 
 mercy and forgiveness that must ever impose 
 a debt of gratitude upon our own souls 1 
 
 Taking into consideration the various ex- 
 cellences and peculiarities of woman, I am 
 inclined to think that the sphere which of all 
 others admits of the highest development of 
 her character, is the chamber of sickness ; and 
 how frequently and mournfully familiar are 
 the scenes in which she is thus called to act 
 and feel, let the private history of every fam- 
 ily declare. 
 
 There is but a very small proportion of the 
 daughters of farmers, manufacturers, and 
 trades-people, in England, who are ever call- 
 ed upon for their Latin, their Italian, or even 
 for their French ; but all women in this 
 sphere of life are liable to be called upon to 
 visit and care for the sick ; and if in the hour 
 of weakness and of suffering, they prove to 
 be unacquainted with any probable means of 
 alleviation, and wholly ignorant of the most 
 judicious and suitable mode of offering relief 
 and consolation, they are indeed deficient in 
 one of the highest attainments in the way of 
 usefulness, to which a woman can aspire. 
 
 To obviate the serious difficulties which 
 many women experience from this cause, I 
 woxild propose, as a substitute for some 
 useless accomplishments, that English girls 
 should be made acquainted with the most 
 striking phenomena of some of the familiar, 
 and frequently recurring maladies to which 
 
 the human frame is liable, with the most ap- 
 proved methods of treatment And by culti- 
 vating this knowledge so far as relates to 
 general principles, I have little doubt but it 
 might be made an interesting and highly use- 
 ful branch of education. 
 
 I am far from wishing them to interfere 
 with the province of the physician. The 
 more they know, the less likely they will be 
 to do this. The office of a judicious nurse 
 is all I would recommend them to aspire to ; 
 and to the same department of instruction 
 should be added the whole science of that 
 delicate and difficult cookery which forms so 
 important a part of the attendant's duty. 
 
 Nor let these observations call forth a smile 
 upon the rosy lips that are yet unparched by 
 fever, untainted by consumption. Fair read- 
 er, there have been those who would have 
 given at the moment almost half their world- 
 ly wealth, to have been able to provide a pa- 
 latable morsel for a beloved sufferer ; who 
 have met the inquiring eye, that asked for it 
 knew not what, and that expressed by its 
 anxious look an almost childish longing for 
 what they were unable to supply, not because 
 the means were denied, but simply because 
 they were too ignorant of the nature and 
 necessities of illness to form any practical 
 idea of what would be most suitable and most 
 approved. Perhaps, in their well-meant offi- 
 ciousness, they mentioned the only thing 
 they were acquainted with, and that was just 
 the most repulsive. What then have they 
 done ? Allowed the faint and feeble sufferer 
 to go pining on, wishing it had been her lot 
 to fall under the care of any other nurse. 
 
 How invaluable at such a time is the al- 
 most endless catalogue of good and suitable 
 preparations with which the really clever wo- 
 man is supplied, any one of which she is 
 able to prepare with her own hands ; choos- 
 ing, with the skill of the doctor, what is best 
 adapted for the occasion, and converting diet 
 into medicine of the most agreeable descrip- 
 tion, which she brings silently into the sick- 
 room without previous mention, and thus 
 exhilarates the spirits of the patient by an 
 agreeable surprise !
 
 Jti 
 
 MODERN EDUCATION OF 
 
 It is customary with young ladies of the 
 present day to think that nurses and hired 
 attendants ought to do these things ; and 
 well and faithfully they sometimes do them, 
 to the shame of those connected by nearer 
 ties. But are they ignorant that a hired hand 
 can never impart such sweetness to a cordial 
 as a hand beloved ; and that the most deli- 
 cate and most effectual means of proving 
 the strength of their affection, is to choose to 
 do, what might by possibility have been ac- 
 complished by another 1 
 
 When we meet in society with that speech- 
 less, inanimate, ignorant, and use-less being 
 called " a young lady just come from school," 
 it is thought a sufficient apology for all her 
 deficiencies, that she has, poor thing ! but 
 just come home from school Thus imply- 
 ing that nothing in the way of domestic use- 
 fulness, social intercourse, or adaptation to 
 circumstances, can be expected from her 
 until she has had time to learn it 
 
 If, during the four or five years spent at 
 school, she had been establishing herself upon 
 the foundation of her future character, and 
 learning to practise what would afterwards 
 be the business of her life, she would, when 
 her education was considered as complete, 
 be in the highest possible state of perfection 
 which her nature, at that season of life, would 
 admit of. This is what she ought to be. I 
 need not advert to what she is. The case is 
 too pitiful to justify any further description. 
 The popular and familiar remark, "Poor 
 thing ! she has just come home from school ; 
 what can you expect ?" is the best commen- 
 tary I can offer. 
 
 There is another point of difference be- 
 tween the training of the intellect, and that 
 of the moral feelings, of more serious import- 
 ance than any we have yet considered. 
 
 We all know that the occupation of teach- 
 ing, as it relates to the common branches oi 
 instruction, is one of such Herculean labor, 
 that few persons are found equal to it for any 
 protracted length of time; and even with 
 such, it is necessary that they should bend 
 their minds to it with a determined effort, 
 and make each day a renewal of that effort, 
 
 not to be baffled by difficulties, nor defeated 
 by want of success. We all know, too, what it 
 is to the learned to be dragged on day by day 
 through the dull routine of exercises in which 
 she feels no particular interest, except what 
 arises from getting in advance of her fellows, 
 obtaining a prize, or suffering a pu-nishment 
 
 We all can remember the atmosphere of 
 the school-room, so uncongenial to the fresh 
 and buoyant spirits of youth the clatter of 
 slates, the dull point of the pencil, and the 
 white cloud where the wrong figure, the fig- 
 ure that would prove the incorrectness of the 
 whole, had so often been rubbed out To 
 say nothing of the morning lessons, before the 
 dust from the desks and the floor had been 
 put in motion, we all can remember the af- 
 ternoon sensations with which we took our 
 places, perhaps between companions the most 
 unloved by us of any in the school ; and how, 
 while the summer's sun was shining in 
 through the high windows, we pored with 
 aching head over some dry dull words, that 
 would not transmit themselves to the tablet 
 of our memories, though repeated with inde- 
 fatigable industry, repeated until they seemed 
 to have no identity, no distinctness, but were 
 mingled with the universal hum and buzz of 
 the close, heated room ; where the heart, if 
 it did not forget itself to stone, at least for- 
 got itself to sleep, and lost all power of feel- 
 ing any thing but weariness, and occasional 
 pining for relief. Class after class were then 
 called up from this hot-bed of intellect The 
 tones of the teacher's voice, though not al- 
 ways the most musical, might easily have 
 been pricked down in notes, they were so 
 uniform in their cadences of interrogation, 
 rejection, and reproof. These, blending with 
 the slow, dull answers of the scholars, and 
 occasionally the quick guess of one ambitious 
 to attain the highest place, all mingled with 
 the general monotony, and increased the 
 general stupor that weighed down every eye, 
 and deadened every pulse. 
 
 There are, unquestionably, quick children, 
 who may easily be made fond of learning, if 
 judiciously treated ; and it no doubt happens 
 to all, that there are portions of their daily
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 27 
 
 duty not absolutely disagreeable ; but that 
 weariness is the prevalent sensation both with 
 the teachers and the taught, is a fact that few 
 will attempt to deny ; nor is it a libel upon 
 individuals thus engaged, or upon human 
 nature in general, that it should be so. We 
 are so constituted that we cannot spend all 
 our time in the exercise of our intellect, with- 
 out absolute pain, especially while young; 
 and when, in after life, we rise with exhaust- 
 ed patience from three hours of writing or 
 reading, we cannot look back with wonder 
 that at school we suffered severely from the 
 labor of six. 
 
 It is not my province to describe how much 
 the bodily constitution is impaired by this in- 
 cessant application to study. Philanthropical 
 means are devised for relieving the young 
 student as much as possible, by varying the 
 subjects of attention, and allowing short in- 
 tervals of bodily exercise : but still the high- 
 pressure system goes on ; and, with all their 
 attainments in the way of learning, few of the 
 young ladies who return home after a highly 
 finished education, are possessed of health 
 and energy sufficient to make use of their at- 
 tainments, even if they occupied a field more 
 suited to their display. 
 
 I know not how it may affect others, but 
 the number of languid, listless, and inert young 
 ladies, who now recline upon our sofas, mur- 
 muring and repining at every claim upon their 
 personal exertions, is to me a truly melancholy 
 spectacle, and one which demands the atten- 
 tion of a benevolent and enlightened public, 
 even more, perhaps, than some of those great 
 national schemes in which the people and the 
 government are alike interested. It is but 
 rarely now that we meet with a really healthy 
 woman : and, highly as intellectual attain- 
 ments may be prized, I think all will allow 
 that no qualifications can be of much value 
 without the power of bringing them into use. 
 The difference I would point out, between 
 the exercise of the intellect and that of the 
 moral feelings is this. It has so pleased the 
 all-wise Disposer of our lives, that the duties 
 he has laid down for the right government of 
 the human family, have in their very nature 
 
 something that expands and invigorates the 
 soul ; so that instead of being weary of well- 
 doing, the character becomes strengthened, 
 the energies enlivened, and the whole sphere 
 of capability enlarged. 
 
 Who has not felt, after a long conflict be- 
 tween duty and inclination, when at last the 
 determination has been formed and duty has 
 been submitted to, not grudgingly, but from 
 very love to the Father of mercies, who alone 
 can judge what will eventually promote the 
 good of his weak, erring, and short-sighted 
 creatures from reverence for his holy laws, 
 and from gratitude to the Saviour of man- 
 kind ; who has not felt a sudden impulse 
 of thanksgiving and delight as they were en- 
 abled to make this decision, a springing up, 
 as it were, of the soul from the low cares and 
 entanglements of this world, to a higher and 
 purer state of existence, where the motives 
 and feelings under which the choice has been 
 made, will be appreciated and approved, but 
 where every inducement that could have been 
 brought forward to vindicate a different choice, 
 would have been rejected at the bar of eternal 
 justice 1 
 
 It is not the applause of man that can reach 
 the heart under such circumstances. No hu- 
 man eye is wished for, to look in upon our 
 self-denial, or to witness the sacrifice we make. 
 The good we have attempted to do may even 
 fail in its effect We know that the result is 
 not with us, but with Him who seeth in se- 
 cret, and who has left us in possession of this 
 encouraging assurance, Inasmuch as ye do it 
 unto one of these, ye do it unto me. 
 
 Was the human mind ever enfeebled, or 
 the human frame exhausted, by feelings of 
 kindness 1 No ! The hour of true refresh- 
 ment and invigoration, is that in which we 
 do our duty, whatever It may be, cheerfully 
 and humbly, as in the sight of God ; not 
 pluming ourselves upon our own merit, or 
 anticipating great results, but with a child-like 
 dependence upon his promises, and devout 
 aspirations to be ever employed in working 
 out his holy will. 
 
 In the pursuit of intellectual attainments, 
 we cannot encourage ourselves throughout
 
 MODERN EDUCATION OF 
 
 the day, nor revive our wearied energies at 
 night, by saying, "It is for the love of my 
 heavenly Father that I do this." But, as a 
 very little child may be taught, for the love 
 of a lost parent, to avoid what that parent 
 would have disapproved ; so the young may 
 be cheered and led onward in the path of duty 
 by the same principle, connecting every action 
 of their lives in which good and evil may be 
 blended, with the condemnation or approval 
 of their Father who is in heaven. 
 
 There is no principle in our nature which 
 at the same time softens and ennobles, sub- 
 dues and exalts, so much as the principle of 
 gratitude ; and it ought ever to be remember- 
 ed, in numbering our blessings, that gratitude 
 has been made the foundation of Christian 
 morality. The ancient philosophers had their 
 system of morals, and a beautiful one it was. 
 But it had this defect it had no sure foun- 
 dation ; sometimes shifting from expediency 
 to the rights of man, and thus having no fixed 
 and determinate character. The happier sys- 
 tem under which we are privileged to live, 
 has all the advantages acknowledged by the 
 philosophers of old, with this great and mer- 
 ciful addition, that it is peculiarly calculated 
 to wind itself in with our affections, by being 
 founded upon gratitude, and thus to excite, 
 in connection with the practice of all it enjoins, 
 those emotions of mind which are most con- 
 ducive to our happiness. 
 
 Let us imagine a little community of young 
 women, among whom, to do an act of disin- 
 terested kindness should be an object of the 
 highest ambition, and where to do any act of 
 pure selfishness, tending, however remotely, 
 to the injury of another, should be regarded 
 as the deepest disgrace ; where they should 
 be accustomed to consider their time not as 
 their own, but lent them solely for the pur- 
 pose of benefiting their fellow-creatures ; and 
 where those who were known to exercise the 
 greatest charity and forbearance, should be 
 looked upon as the most exalted individuals 
 in the whole community. Would these girls 
 be weary ? Would they be discontented, list- 
 less, and inanimate 1 The experiment re- 
 mains to be tried. 
 
 It is a frequent and popular remark, that 
 girls are less trouble to manage in families 
 than boys ; and so unquestionably they are. 
 But when their parents go on to say that girls 
 awaken less anxiety, are safer and more easily 
 brought up, I am disposed to think such pa- 
 rents look with too superficial a view to the 
 conduct of their children before the world, 
 rather than the state of their hearts before 
 God. 
 
 It is true that girls have little temptation, 
 generally speaking, to vice. They are so 
 hemmed in and guarded by the rules of so- 
 ciety, that they must be destitute almost of 
 the common feelings of human nature, to be 
 willing, for any consideration, to sacrifice 
 their good name. But do such parents ever 
 ask, how much of evil may be cherished and 
 indulged in, and the good name retained ? I 
 am aware that among the generality of wo- 
 men there is more religious/eeftngthan among 
 men, more observance of the ordinances of 
 religion, more reading of the scriptures, and 
 more attention to the means of religious in- 
 formation. But let not the woman who sits 
 in peace, and unassailed by temptation, in the 
 retirement of her own parlor, look down with 
 self-complacency and contempt upon the open 
 transgressions of her erring brother. Rather 
 let her weigh in the scale his strong passions, 
 and strong inducements to evil, and, it may 
 be, strong compunctions too, against her own 
 little envyings, bickerings, secret spite, and 
 soul-cherished idolatry of self ; and then ask 
 of her conscience which is the furthest in ad- 
 vance towards the kingdom of heaven. 
 
 It is true, she has uttered no profane ex- 
 pression, but she has set afloat upon a winged 
 whisper the transgression of her neighbor. 
 She has polluted her lips with no intoxicating 
 draught, but she has drunk of the Circean 
 cup of flattery, and acted from vanity and 
 self-love, when she was professing to act 
 from higher motives. She has run into no 
 excesses, but the excess of display ; and she 
 has injured no one by her bad example, ex- 
 cept in the practice of petty faults. In short, 
 she has not sinned beyond her own tempta- 
 tions.
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 29 
 
 One of the most striking features in the 
 character of the young ladies of the present 
 day, is the absence of contentment. They 
 are lively when excited, but no sooner does 
 the excitement cease, than they fall back into 
 their habitual listlessness, under which they 
 so often complain of their fate, and speak of 
 themselves as unfortunate and afflicted, that 
 one would suppose them to be the victims of 
 adversity, did not a more intimate acquaint- 
 ance with their actual circumstances, convince 
 us that they were surrounded by every thing 
 conducive to rational comfort. For the sake 
 of the poetry of the matter, one would 
 scarcely deny to every young lady her little 
 canker-worm to nurse in her bosom, since 
 all must have their pets. But when they add 
 selfishness to melancholy, and trouble their 
 friends with their idle and fruitless com- 
 plaints, the case becomes too serious for a 
 jest. Indeed, I am not sure that the professing 
 Christian, who rises every morning with a 
 cherished distaste for the duties of the day, 
 who turns away when they present them- 
 selves, under a belief that they are more diffi- 
 cult or more disgusting than the duties of 
 other people, who regards her own allotment 
 in the world as peculiarly hard, and never 
 pours forth her soul in devout thanksgiving 
 for the blessings she enjoys, is not in reality 
 as culpable in the sight of God, and living as 
 much at variance with the spirit of true re- 
 ligion, as the individual who spends the 
 same portion of time in the practice of more 
 open and palpable sin. 
 
 It is an undeniable improvement in modern 
 education, that religious instruction is becom- 
 ing more general, that pupils are questioned 
 in the knowledge of the Scriptures, instruct- 
 ed in the truths of religion, and sent forth 
 into the world prepared to give an answer 
 respecting the general outlines of Christian- 
 ity. So long, however, as the discontent 
 above alluded to remains so prevalent, we 
 must question the sufficiency of this method 
 of instruction ; and it is under a strong 
 conviction, that to teach young people to 
 talk about religion is but a small part of what 
 is necessary to the establishment of their 
 
 Christian characters, that I have ventured 
 to put forth what may be regarded as crude 
 remarks upon this important subject. 
 
 I still cling fondly to the hope, that, ere 
 long, some system of female instruction will 
 be discovered, by which the young women of 
 England may be sent home from school pre- 
 pared for the stations appointed them by 
 Providence to fill in after life, and prepared 
 to fill them well. Then indeed may this fa- 
 vored country boast of her privileges, when 
 her young women return to their homes and 
 their parents, habituated to be on the watch 
 for every opportunity of doing good to 
 others ; making it the first and the last in- 
 quiry of every day, " What can I do to make 
 my parents, my brothers, or my sisters, more 
 happy ] I am but a feeble instrument in the 
 hands of Providence, to work out any of his 
 benevolent designs ; but as he will give me 
 strength, I hope to pursue the plan to which 
 I have been accustomed, of seeking my own 
 happiness only in the happiness of others. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 DRESS AND MANNERS. 
 
 THAT the extent of woman's influence is 
 not always commensurate with the cultiva- 
 tion of her intellectual powers, is a truth 
 which the experience and observation of 
 every day tend to confirm ; for how often do 
 we find that a lavish expenditure upon the 
 means of acquiring knowledge is productive 
 of no adequate result in the way of lessening 
 the sum of human misery ! 
 
 When we examine the real state of society, 
 and single out the individuals whose habits, 
 conversation, and character produce the hap- 
 piest effect upon their fellow-creatures, we in- 
 variably find them persons who are morally, 
 rather than intellectually, great ; and conse- 
 quently the profession of genius is, to a wo- 
 man, a birthright of very questionable value. 
 It is a remark, not always charitably made, 
 but unfortunately too true, that the most tal-
 
 30 
 
 DRESS AND MANNERS OF 
 
 ented women are not the most agreeable in 
 their domestic capacity : and frequent and 
 unsparing are the batteries of sarcasm and 
 wit, which consequently open upon our un- 
 fortunate blues ! It should be remembered, 
 however, that the evil is not in the presence 
 of one quality, but in the absence of an- 
 other ; and we ought never to forget the re- 
 deeming excellence of those signal instances, 
 in which the moral worth of the female 
 character is increased and supported by in- 
 tellectual power. If, in order to maintain a 
 beneficial influence in society, superior talent, 
 or even a high degree of learning, were re- 
 quired, solitary and insignificant would be 
 the lot of some of the most social, benevo- 
 lent, and noble-hearted women, who now oc- 
 cupy the very centre of attraction within their 
 respective circles, and claim from all around 
 them a just and appropriate tribute of affec- 
 tion and esteem. 
 
 It need scarcely be repeated, that although 
 great intellectual attainments are by no means 
 the highest recommendation that a woman 
 can possess, the opposite extreme of igno- 
 rance, or natural imbecility of mind, are ef- 
 fectual barriers to the exercise of any con- 
 siderable degree of influence in society. An 
 ignorant woman who has not the good sense 
 to keep silent, or a weak woman pleased 
 with her own prattle, are scarcely less an- 
 noying than humiliating to those who, from 
 acquaintance or family connection, have the 
 misfortune to be identified with them : yet it 
 is surprising how far a small measure of tal- 
 ent, or of mental cultivation, may be made 
 to extend in the way of giving pleasure, 
 when accompanied with good taste, good 
 sense, and good feeling, especially with that 
 feeling which leads the mind from self and 
 selfish motives, into an habitual regard to the 
 good and happiness of others. 
 
 The more we reflect upon the subject, the 
 more we must be convinced, that there is a 
 system of discipline required for women, 
 totally distinct from what is called the learn- 
 ing of the schools, and that, unless they can 
 be prepared for their allotment in life by 
 some process calculated to fit them for per- 
 
 forming its domestic duties, the time bestow- 
 ed upon their education will be found, in af- 
 ter life, to have been wholly inadequate to 
 procure for them either habits of usefulness, 
 or a healthy tone of mind. 
 
 It would appear from a superficial obser- 
 vation of the views of domestic and social 
 duty about to be presented, that, in the esti- 
 mation of the writer, the great business of a 
 woman's life was to make herself agreeable ; 
 for so minute are some of the points which 
 properly engage her attention, that they 
 scarcely seem to bear upon the great ob- 
 ject of doing good. Yet when we reflect 
 that by giving pleasure in an innocent and 
 unostentatious manner, innumerable chan- 
 nels are opened for administering instruction, 
 assistance, or consolation, we cease to regard 
 as insignificant the smallest of those means 
 by which a woman can render herself an ob- 
 ject either of affection or disgust 
 
 First, then, and most familiar to common 
 observation, is her personal appearance ; and 
 in this case, vanity, more potent in woman's 
 heart than selfishness, renders it an object of 
 general solicitude to be so adorned as best to 
 meet and gratify the public taste. Without 
 inquiring too minutely into the motive, the 
 custom, as such, must be commended : for, 
 like many of the minor virtues of women, 
 though scarcely taken note of in its immedi- 
 ate presence, it is sorely missed when absent 
 A careless or slatternly woman, for instance, 
 is one of the most repulsive objects in crea- 
 tion ; and such is the force of public opinion 
 in favor of the delicacies of taste and feeling 
 in the female sex, that no power of intellect, 
 or display of learning, can compensate to 
 men, for the want of nicety or neatness in 
 the women with whom they associate in do- 
 mestic life. In vain to them might the wreath 
 or laurel wave in glorious triumph over locks 
 uncombed ; and wo betide the heroine, whose 
 stocking, even of the deepest blue, betrayed 
 a lurking hole ! 
 
 It is, however, a subject too serious for 
 jest, and ought to be regarded by all women 
 with earnest solicitude, that they may con- 
 stantly maintain in their own persons that
 
 THE WOMEN OP ENGLAND. 
 
 31 
 
 strict attention to good taste and delicacy of 
 feeling, which affords the surest evidence of 
 delicacy of mind ; a quality without which 
 no woman ever was, or ever will be, charm- 
 ing. Let her appear in company with what 
 accomplishments she may, let her charm by 
 her musical talents, attract by her beauty, or 
 enliven by her wit, if there steal from under- 
 neath her graceful drapery, the soiled hem, 
 the tattered frill, or even the coarse garment 
 out of keeping with her external finery, im- 
 agination naturally carries the observer to 
 her dressing-room, her private habits, and 
 even to her inner mind, where it is almost 
 impossible to believe that the same want of 
 order and purity does not prevail. 
 
 It is a prevalent but most injurious mis- 
 take, to suppose that all women must be 
 splendidly and expensively dressed, to re- 
 commend themselves to general approbation. 
 In order to do this, how many, in the sphere 
 of life to which these remarks apply, are lit- 
 erally destitute of comfort, both in their hearts 
 and in their homes ; for the struggle between 
 parents and children, to raise the means on 
 one hand, and to obtain them either by argu- 
 ment or subterfuge on the other, is but one 
 among the many sources of family discord 
 and individual suffering, which mark out the 
 excess of artificial wants, as the great evil of 
 the present times. 
 
 A very slight acquaintance with the sen- 
 timents and tone of conversation familiar 
 among men, might convince all whose minds 
 are open to conviction, that their admiration 
 is not to be obtained by the display of any 
 kind of extravagance in dress. There may 
 be occasional instances of the contrary, but 
 the praise most liberally and uniformly be- 
 stowed by men upon the dress of women, is, 
 that it is neat, becoming, or in good taste. 
 
 The human mind is often influenced by 
 association, while immediate impression is all 
 that it takes cognizance of at the moment 
 Thus a splendidly dressed woman entering 
 the parlor of a farm-house, or a tradesman's 
 drawing-room, bursts upon the sight as an 
 astounding and almost monstrous spectacle 
 and we are scarcely aware that the repulsion 
 
 we instantaneously experience, arises from a 
 secret conviction of how much the gorgeous 
 'abric must have cost the wearer, in time, 
 and thought, and money ; especially when 
 we known that the same individual is under 
 he necessity of spending her morning hours 
 n culinary operations, and is, or ought to 
 be, the sharer of her husband's daily toil. 
 
 There is scarcely any object in art or na- 
 ture, calculated to excite our admiration, 
 which may not, from being ill-placed, excite 
 our ridicule or disgust Each individual 
 article of clothing worn by this woman, may 
 be superb in itself, but there is a want of fit- 
 ness and harmony in the whole, from which 
 we turn away. 
 
 Perhaps there are no single objects in 
 themselves so beautiful as flowers, and it 
 might seem difficult to find a situation in 
 which they could be otherwise ; yet I have 
 seen and seen with a feeling almost like 
 pity at the conclusion of a feast, fair rose- 
 leaves and sweet jessamine floating amidst 
 such inappropriate elements, that all their 
 beauty was despoiled, and they were fit only 
 to be cast away with the refuse of gross 
 matter in which they were involved. 
 
 Admiration of a beautiful object, how in- 
 tense soever it may be, cannot impart that 
 high tone of intellectual enjoyment which 
 arises from our admiration of fitness and 
 beauty combined ; and thus the richest silk, 
 and the finest lace, when inappropriately 
 worn, are beautifully manufactured articles, 
 but nothing more. While, therefore, on the 
 one hand, there is a moral degradation in the 
 consciousness of wearing soiled or disreputa- 
 ble garments, or being in any way below the 
 average of personal decency, there is, on the 
 other, a gross violation of good taste, in as- 
 suming for the middle classes of society 
 whose occupations are closely connectec 
 with the means of bodily subsistence, the 
 same description of personal ornament as 
 belongs with more propriety to those who 
 enjoy the luxury of giving orders, without 
 any necessity for further occupation of time 
 and thought. 
 The most frequently recurring perplexities
 
 32 
 
 DRESS AND MANNERS OF 
 
 of woman's life arise from cases which re- 
 ligion does not immediately reach, and in 
 which she is still expected to decide properly 
 and act agreeably, without any other law 
 than that of good taste for her guide. Good 
 taste is therefore most essential to the regula- 
 tion of her dress and general appearance ; 
 and wherever any striking violation of this 
 principle appears, the beholder is immediate- 
 ly impressed with the idea that a very im- 
 portant rule of her life and conduct is want- 
 ing. It is not all who possess this guide 
 within themselves ; but an attentive observa- 
 tion of human life and character, especially 
 a due regard to the beauty of fitness, would 
 enable all to avoid giving offence in this par- 
 ticular way. 
 
 The regard to fitness here recommended, 
 is a duty of much more serious importance 
 than would at first sight appear, since it in- 
 volves a consideration which cannot too often 
 be presented to the mind, of what, and who 
 we are ? what is the station we are appoint- 
 ed to fill, and what the objects for which we 
 are living 1 
 
 Behold yon gorgeous fabric in the distance, 
 with its rainbow hues, and gems, and shining 
 drapery, 
 
 "And flowers the fairest, that might feast the bee." 
 
 A coronet of beauty crowns the whole, and 
 feathery ornaments, on frail silvery threads, 
 glitter and wave, and tremble at every mov- 
 ing breath. Surely the countenance of Flora 
 blooms below, and Zephyrus suspends his 
 gentle wings at her approach. The spectacle 
 advances. It is not health, nor youth, nor 
 beauty that we see ; but poor, decrepit, help- 
 less, miserable old age. We gaze, and a 
 shudder comes over us, for Death is grinning 
 in the background, and we hear his voice 
 triumphantly exclaiming, "This is mine !" 
 
 Look at that moving garden, and those 
 waving plumes, as they pass along the aisle 
 of the church or the chapel. They form the 
 adornment of a professedly Christian woman, 
 the mother of a family ; and this is the day 
 appointed for partaking of that ordinance to 
 which Christians are invited to come :n meek- 
 
 ness and lowliness of spirit, to commemorate 
 the love of their Redeemer, who, though he 
 was rich, for their sakes became poor who 
 humbled himself, and became obedient unto 
 death, to purchase their exemption from the 
 penalty of sin, and the bondage of the world. 
 
 We would earnestly hope that, in the 
 greater number of such cases as these, the 
 error is in the judgment the mockery 
 thoughtlessly assumed : but would not the 
 habit of self-examination, followed up by seri- 
 ous inquiry respecting our real and individ- 
 ual position in society, as moral agents, and 
 immortal beings, be a likely means of avert- 
 ing the ridicule that age is ill prepared to 
 bear ; and, what is of infinitely more conse- 
 quence, of preventing the scandal that reli- 
 gion has too much cause to charge upon her 
 friends ? 
 
 It frequently happens that women in the 
 middle class of society are not entirely free 
 from provincialisms in their manner of speak- 
 ing, as well as other peculiarities, by which 
 it may easily be discovered that their interests 
 are local, and their means of information of 
 limited extent ; in short, that they are persons 
 who have but little acquaintance with the 
 polite or fashionable world, and yet they may 
 be persons highly estimable and important in 
 their own sphere. Very little either of esteem 
 or importance, however, attaches to their 
 characters, where their ingenuity is taxed to 
 maintain what they believe to be a fashion- 
 able or elegant exterior, and which, in con- 
 nection with their unpolished dialect and 
 homely occupations, renders them but too 
 much like the chimney-sweeper's queen 
 decked out for a May-day exhibition. The 
 invidious question unavoidably occurs to the 
 beholder for what or for whom has such a 
 person mistaken herself? while, had she 
 been dressed in a plain substantial costume, 
 corresponding with her mind and habits, she 
 might have been known at once, and re- 
 spected for what she really was, a rational, 
 independent, and valuable member of society. 
 
 It is not, by any means, the smallest of the 
 services required by Christian charity, to 
 point out to our fellow-countrywomen how
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 33 
 
 they may avoid being ridiculous. Perhaps 
 a higher degree of intellectual dignity would 
 raise us all above the weakness of being 
 moved to laughter by so slight a cause. But 
 such is the constitution of the general order 
 of minds, that they are less entertained by 
 the most pointed witticisms, than by those 
 striking contrasts and discrepancies, which 
 seem to imply that rusticity has mistaken 
 itself for elegance, deformity for beauty, age 
 for youth. I pretend not to defend this pro- 
 pensity to turn so serious a mistake into jest 
 I merely say that such a propensity does 
 exist, and, what is among the anomalies of 
 our nature, that it sometimes exhibits itself 
 most unreservedly in the very individuals 
 who in their turn are furnishing food for 
 merriment to others. 
 
 The laughing philosopher might have rea- 
 soned thus, " Let them all laugh on, they will 
 cure each other." But the question is does 
 ridicule correct the evil 7 Most assuredly it 
 does not. It does something more, however. 
 It rankles like a poison in the bosom where 
 it falls, and destroys the peace of many an 
 amiable but ill-judging candidate for public 
 admiration. Women, especially, are its vic- 
 tims and its prey ; and well do they learn, 
 under the secret tutelage of envy, jealousy, 
 and pride, how to make this engine of discord 
 play upon each other. 
 
 When we listen to the familiar conversa- 
 tion of women, especially of those whose 
 minds are tainted by vulgarity, and unen- 
 lightened by the higher principles of religion, 
 we find that a very large portion of their time 
 and attention is bestowed upon the subject 
 of dress not of their own dress merely, but 
 of that of their neighbors ; and looking fur- 
 ther, we find, what is more astonishing, that 
 there exists in connection with the same 
 subject, a degree of rivalry and ambition 
 which call forth many of the evil passions 
 that are ever ready to spring into action, and 
 mar the pleasant pictures of social life. In 
 awakening these, the ridicule already alluded 
 to is a powerful agent ; for, like the most in- 
 jurious of libels, it adheres so nearly to the 
 truth, as to set contradiction at defiance. 
 
 Thus, there are few persons who would not 
 rather be maligned than ridiculed ; and thus 
 the wounds inflicted by ridicule are the most 
 difficult to heal, and the last to be forgiven. 
 
 Surely, then, it is worth paying regard to 
 the principles of fitness and consistency, in 
 order to avoid the consequences necessarily 
 resulting from every striking deviation from 
 these rules ; and the women of England pos- 
 sess many advantages in the cultivation of 
 their natural powers of discrimination and 
 reason, for enabling them to ascertain the pre- 
 cise position of this line of conduct, which it 
 is so important to them to observe. They 
 are free from many of the national prejudices 
 entertained by the women of other countries, 
 and they enjoy the inestimable privilege of 
 being taught to look up to a higher standard 
 of morals, for the right guidance of their con- 
 duct It is to them, therefore, that we look 
 for what rational and useful women ought to 
 be, not only in the essentials of Christian 
 character, but in the minor points of social, 
 domestic, and individual duty. 
 
 Much that has been said on the subject of 
 dress, is equally applicable to that of manners. 
 Fitness and adaptation, are here, as well as in 
 the former instance, the general rule ; for of 
 what value is elegance in a cottage, or the 
 display of animal strength at a European 
 court! 
 
 In the middle walks of life, an easy man- 
 ner, free from affectation on the one hand, 
 and grossness on the other, is all that is re- 
 quired ; and such are, or ought to be, the oc- 
 cupations of all women of this class, as most 
 happily to induce such habits of activity and 
 free-agency, as would effectually preserve 
 them from the two extremes of coldness and 
 frivolous absurdity. 
 
 The grand error of the day seems to be, 
 that of calling themselves ladies, when it 
 ought to be their ambition to be women, 
 women who fill a place, and occupy a post 
 members of the commonwealth supporters 
 of the fabric of society, the minor wheels 
 and secret springs of the great machine of 
 human life and action, which cannot move 
 harmoniously, nor with full effect to the ac-
 
 34 
 
 DRESS AND MANNERS OF 
 
 complishment of any great or noble purpose, 
 while clogged with the lovely burdens, and 
 impeded by the still-life attitudes of those 
 useless members of the community, who cast 
 themselves about on every hand, in the vain 
 hope of being valued and admired for doing 
 nothing. 
 
 Among the changes introduced by modern 
 taste, it is not the least striking, that all the 
 daughters of trades-people, when sent to 
 school, are no longer girls, but young ladies. 
 The linen-draper whose worthy consort oc- 
 cupies her daily post behind the counter, re- 
 ceives her child from Mrs. Montague's estab- 
 lishment a young lady. At the same ele- 
 gant and expensive seminary, music and 
 Italian are taught to Hannah Smith, whose 
 father deals in Yarmouth herrings ; and there 
 is the butcher's daughter, too, perhaps the 
 most lady-like of them all. The manners of 
 these young ladies naturally take their tone 
 and character from the ridiculous assump- 
 tions of modern refinement The butcher's 
 daughter is seized with nausea at the spec- 
 tacle of raw meat Hannah Smith is incapa- 
 ble of existing within the atmosphere of her 
 father's home and the child of the linen- 
 draper elopes with a merchant's clerk, to 
 avoid the dire necessity of assisting in her 
 father's shop. 
 
 What a catalogue of miseries might be 
 made out, as the consequence of this mis- 
 taken ambition of the women of England to 
 be ladies ! Gentlewomen they may be, and 
 refined women too ; for when did either gen- 
 tleness or true refinement disqualify a woman 
 for her proper duties 1 But that assumption 
 of delicacy which unfits them for the real 
 business of life, is more to be dreaded in its 
 fatal influence upon their happiness, than the 
 most agonizing disease with which they could 
 be afflicted. 
 
 It is needless to say that women of this 
 morbid, imbecile character have no influence. 
 They are so occupied with the minutiae of 
 their own personal miseries, that they have 
 no time to think of the sin and the sorrow 
 existing in the world around them. What- 
 ever is proposed to them in the way of doing 
 
 good, is sure to meet with a listless, weary, 
 murmuring denial ; for if the hundred-and- 
 one objections, arising out of other fancied 
 causes, should be obviated, there are their 
 endless and inexhaustible nerves. Alas, alas ! 
 that English women should ever have found 
 themselves out to be possessed of nerves ! 
 Not the most exquisite creation of the poet's 
 fancy was ever supposed to be more suscep- 
 tible of pain than is now the highly-educated 
 young lady, who reclines upon a couch in an 
 apartment slightly separated from that in 
 which her father sells his goods, and but one 
 remove from the sphere of her mother's cu- 
 linary toil. 
 
 How different from this feeble, discontent- 
 ed, helpless thing, is the woman who shows 
 by her noble bearing that she knows her true 
 position in society; and who knows also, 
 that the virtue and the value attaching to 
 her character must be in exact proportion to 
 the benefit she confers upon her fellow-crea- 
 tures; above all, who feels that the only 
 Being who is capable of knowing what is 
 ultimately best, has seen meet to place her 
 exactly where the powers of her mind and 
 the purposes of her life may be made most 
 conducive to his merciful and wise designs ! 
 Not the meanest habiliments, nor the most 
 homely personal aspect, can conceal the 
 worth and the dignity of such a woman ; 
 and whatever that position with which she 
 has made herself so well acquainted may be, 
 she will find that her influence extends to its 
 remotest circle. 
 
 It is impossible to say what the manners 
 of such a woman are. In the cottage, in the 
 court, in the daily and hourly performance 
 of social services, they are, and must be, 
 characterized by the same attributes gene- 
 ral adaptation supported by dignity, a high 
 sense of duty predominating over every ten- 
 dency to selfish indulgence, and prompting 
 to the performance of every kind of practical 
 good, a degree of self-respect, without which 
 no talent can be matured, and no purpose 
 rendered firm ; yet, along with this, a far 
 higher degree of respect for others, exhibited 
 in modes of deference, and acts of considera-
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 35 
 
 tion as various as the different characters 
 whose good or whose happiness are the sub- 
 jects of her care ; and, lastly, that sweet sis- 
 ter of benevolence, charily, without which no 
 woman ever yet could make herself a desira- 
 ble companion or friend. 
 
 It may be said that these are virtues, not 
 modes of conduct ; but how much of virtue, 
 particularly that of charity, may be implied 
 and understood by what is commonly called 
 I manner ! That which in the present day is 
 considered the highest attainment in this 
 branch of conduct, is a lady-like manner, and 
 it is one that well deserves the attention of 
 all who wish to recommend themselves 
 who wish, as all must do, to ward off insult- 
 ing familiarity, and court respectful consider- 
 ation. There are, however, many impres- 
 sions conveyed to the minds of others by 
 mere manner, far exceeding this in interest 
 and importance. What, for instance, is so 
 consoling to the afflicted as a sympathizing 
 manner 7 The direct expression of sympathy 
 might possibly give pain ; but there is a man- 
 ner, and happy are they who possess it, 
 which conveys a silent invitation to the sor- 
 sowing soul to unburden its griefs, with an 
 assurance that it may do so without fear of 
 treachery or unkindness. There seems to 
 be an instinct in our nature by which this 
 mode of expressing sympathy is rendered 
 intelligible ; and who that has any thing to 
 do with sorrow or suffering, or any wish to 
 alleviate the pressure of either, would not 
 desire that their manner should be so fraught 
 with sympathy as to impart the consolation 
 they may be unable to express in words ? 
 
 Who, on the other hand, in a world which 
 all the afflicted are disposed to consider cold 
 and unfeeling, has not felt what it was, to 
 meet with that peculiar tone of voice, that 
 long, earnest gaze of the eye, and that watch- 
 fulness of personal comfort, which belong to 
 a degree of interest deeper than can be told, 
 and which convince beyond the power of 
 language, that we are not we cannot be 
 overlooked or forgotten 1 How many an 
 alien has been invited to return by a look, a 
 tone, a gesture, when no power of speech 
 
 would have conveyed the same impression 
 of a welcome ! How many a prejudice has 
 been overcome how many a dangerous res- 
 olution broken how many a dark design 
 defeated by a conciliating and confiding man- 
 ner 1 ? And may it not also be asked, how 
 many an insult has been repelled by a man- 
 ner fraught with dignity ; how many an in- 
 jury has been returned into the bosom where 
 it originated, by a manner which conveyed 
 all the bitterness of cherished and determined 
 revenge 1 
 
 To those who make the human mind their 
 study, the mode of acting is of more import- 
 ance than the action itself; and to women it 
 is especially so, because the sphere in which 
 they actually move is comparatively limited 
 and obscure. It is seldom regarded as con- 
 sistent with that delicacy which forms so 
 great a charm in their nature, that they 
 should act out to their full extent all the deep 
 feelings of which they are capable. Thus 
 there is no other channel for their perpetual 
 overflow, than that of their manners ; and 
 thus a sensitive and ingenuous woman can 
 exhibit much of her own character, and lead 
 others out into the display of much of theirs, 
 simply by the instrumentality of her manners ; 
 and, upon the same principle, that good breed- 
 ing which obtains the highest applause in 
 society, is but an imitation or assumption of 
 every moral excellence, depicted on a minor 
 scale. 
 
 Good manners are the small-coin of virtue, 
 distributed abroad as an earnest we will not 
 ask how fallacious of the greater and better 
 things that lie beyond. The women of Eng- 
 land are becoming increasingly solicitous 
 about their manners, that they may in all 
 points resemble such as prevail in a higher 
 circle of society, and be, consequently, the 
 best. But would it not be more advantage- 
 ous to them, to bestow the same increase of 
 solicitude upon what constitutes the true 
 foundation of all that is amiable and excel- 
 lent in life and conduct? Would it not be 
 more advantageous to them to remember, 
 that in the sphere of life appointed for them 
 to fill, stronger and more efficient traits of
 
 DRESS AND MANNERS OP 
 
 character are required, than can possibly be 
 classed under the epithet of lady-like 1 Not 
 that coarseness ox vulgarity of manner could 
 ever be tolerated in those delicate intimacies, 
 and intellectual associations, which properly 
 belong to the class of women of whom Eng- 
 land had once a right to boast intimacies 
 and associations, intervening like gleams of 
 sunshine, between their seasons of perplex- 
 ity and care ; but the manners I would earn- 
 estly recommend to my countrywomen, are 
 of a character calculated to convey an idea 
 of much more than refinement; they are man- 
 ners to which a high degree of moral influence 
 belong?, inasmuch as they inspire confidence, 
 command esteem, and contribute to the gene- 
 ral sum of human happiness. 
 
 Adaptation is the leading feature in this 
 class of manners adaptation not only to the 
 circumstances of the person who acts and 
 speaks, but also to the circumstances of those 
 upon whom such speech or action operates. 
 A light, careless, sportive manner is some- 
 times thought exceedingly charming; and 
 when it emanates from youth and innocence, 
 can scarcely fail to please ; but when such a 
 manner is affected by a woman of ponderous 
 personal weight, of naturally grave coun- 
 tenance, and responsible station in society, 
 none can avoid being struck with the obvious 
 anomaly, and few can avoid being moved to 
 laughter or contempt 
 
 In English society it frequently happens 
 that persons of humble parentage, and homely 
 station, in early life, are raised, by the acqui- 
 sition of wealth, to the enjoyment of luxu- 
 rious indulgence. How absurd in such cases, 
 is that assumption of delicacy and of aristo- 
 cratic dignity which we too often see, and 
 which is sure to give rise to every variety 
 of uncharitable remark upon what they and 
 their families have been ! 
 
 Self-importance, or rather a prevailing 
 consciousness of Belt is the most universal 
 hindrance to the attainment of agreeable 
 manners. A woman of delicate feelings and 
 cultivated mind, who goes into company de- 
 termined to be interested, rather than to in- 
 terest, can scarcely fail to please. We are 
 
 assured, however, that in this respect there 
 is something very defective in the present 
 state of society. All desire to make an im- 
 pression, none to be impressed ; and thus 
 the social intercourse of every day is ren- 
 dered wearisome, if not disgusting, by the 
 constant struggle of each contending party 
 to assume the same relative position. 
 
 An instance relating immediately to an an- 
 imal of inferior grade in the creation to man, 
 but bearing some affinity to the case in point, 
 is told by a traveller, whose party having 
 shot several old monkeys, took home their 
 young ones to the camp where he was sta- 
 tioned. He amused himself in the evening 
 by watching these little animals, which had 
 been so accustomed to be caressed and car- 
 ried about by their parents, that they ex- 
 pected the same services from each other, 
 and by their persevering efforts to obtain as- 
 sistance from those who in an equal degree 
 required it from them, formed themselves 
 into a tumultuous heap, arid nearly worried 
 each other to death. 
 
 It might be invidious to compare the tu- 
 mult of feeling, the weariness, and the fatality 
 to happiness experienced by these animals, 
 to that which is produced by the general de- 
 sire to make an impression, in modern so- 
 ciety ; but none can be blind to the fact, that 
 a determination to be pleased in company, is 
 the surest means of giving pleasure, as well 
 as of receiving it 
 
 A young lady who has not had an oppor- 
 tunity of conversing, of playing, or of show- 
 ing off in any other way, is almost sure to 
 return from an evening party complaining of 
 its dulness, and discontented with hersellj as 
 well as with every one besides. Ask her if 
 such and such agreeable and intelligent per- 
 sons were not present ; and she answers, 
 " Yes." Ask her if they did not converse, 
 and converse pleasantly ; and still she an- 
 swers, "Yes." What then? The fact is, 
 she has herself made no impression, charmed 
 nobody, and therefore, as a necessary conse- 
 quence, she is not charmed. 
 
 How much more happiness does that wo- 
 man experience, who, when in company, di-
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 37 
 
 rects her attention to her nearest neighbor ; 
 and, beholding a cheerful countenance, or 
 hearing a pleasant voice, is encouraged to 
 proceed in cultivating an acquaintance, which 
 may ultimately ripen into friendship, may 
 teach her some useful lesson, or raise her 
 estimate of her fellow-creatures. Even where 
 no such agreeable results are experienced, 
 where the party attempted proves wholly 
 impracticable, there is still a satisfaction in 
 having made the trial, far beyond what can 
 be experienced by any defeated attempt to 
 be agreeable. Indeed the disappointment of 
 having failed to make a pleasing impression 
 merely for the purpose of gratifying our own 
 vanity, without reference to the happiness 
 of others, is adapted in an especial man- 
 ner to sour the temper, and depress the 
 mind ; because we feel along with the disap- 
 pointment, a mortifying consciousness that 
 our ambition has been of an undignified and 
 selfish kind ; while, if our endeavor has 
 been to contribute to the general sum of so- 
 cial enjoyment, by encouraging the diffident, 
 cultivating the acquaintance of the amiable, 
 and stimulating latent talent, we cannot feel 
 depressed by such a failure, nor mortified at 
 our want of success. 
 
 The great question with regard to modern 
 education is, which of these two classes of 
 feeling does it instil into the mind does it 
 inspire the young women of the present day 
 with an amiable desire to make everybody 
 happy around them 1 or does it teach them 
 only to sing, and play, and speak in foreign 
 languages, and consequently leave them to 
 be the prey of their own disappointed feel- 
 ings, whenever they find it impossible to 
 make any of these qualifications tell upon 
 society. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 COJTVERSATION OF THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 IT may not, perhaps, be asking too much 
 of the reader, to request that gentle person- 
 
 age to bear in mind, that in speaking both of 
 the characteristics and the influence of a cer- 
 tain class of females, strict reference has 
 been maintained, throughout the four pre- 
 ceding chapters, to such as may with justice 
 be denominated true English women. With 
 puerile exotics, bending from their own fee- 
 bleness, and wandering, like weeds, about 
 the British garden to the hindrance of the 
 growth of all useful plants, this work has 
 little to do, except to point out how they 
 might have been cultivated to better purpose. 
 
 I have said of English women, that they 
 are the best fireside companions; but I am 
 afraid that my remark must apply to a very 
 small portion of the community at large. 
 The number of those who are wholly desti- 
 tute of the highest charm belonging to social 
 companionship, is lamentably great : and 
 these pages would never have been obtruded 
 upon the notice of the public, if there were 
 not strong symptoms of the number becom- 
 ing greater still. 
 
 Women have the choice of many means 
 of bringing their principles into exercise, and 
 of obtaining influence, both in their own do- 
 mestic sphere, and in society at large. Among 
 the most important of these is conversation ; 
 an engine so powerful upon the minds and 
 characters of mankind in general, that beauty 
 fades before it, and wealth in comparison is 
 but as leaden coin. If match-making were 
 indeed the great object of human life, I 
 should scarcely dare to make this assertion, 
 since few men choose women for their con- 
 versation, where wealth or beauty are to be 
 had. I must, however, think more nobly 
 of the female sex, and believe them more so- 
 licitous to maintain affection after the match 
 is made, than simply to be led to the altar, as 
 wives whose influence will that day be laid 
 aside with their wreaths of white roses, and 
 laid aside forever. 
 
 If beauty or wealth have been the bait in 
 this connection, the bride may gather up her 
 wreath of roses, and place them again upon 
 her polished brow ; nay, she may bestow the 
 treasures of her wealth without reserve, and 
 permit the husband of her choice to
 
 CONVERSATION OF 
 
 " spoil bar goodly land* to gild hu waste ;" 
 she may do what she will dress, bloom, or 
 descend from affluence to poverty ; but if 
 she has no intellectual hold upon her hus- 
 band's heart, she must inevitably become 
 that most helpless and pitiable of earthly ob- 
 jectsa slighted wife. 
 
 Conversation, understood in its proper 
 character, as distinct from mere talk, might 
 rescue her from this. Not conversation up- 
 on books, if her husband happens to be a 
 fox-hunter ; nor upon fox-hunting, if he is a 
 book-worm ; but exactly that kind of conver- 
 .tion which is best adapted to his tastes and 
 habits, yet at the same time capable of lead- 
 ing him a little out of both into a wider field 
 of observation, and subjects he may never 
 have derived amusement from before, simply 
 from the fact of their never having been pre- 
 sented to his notice. 
 
 How pleasantly the evening hours may be 
 made to pass, when a woman who really can 
 converse, will thus beguile the time ! But, on 
 the other hand, how wretched is the portion 
 of that man who dreads the dulness of his 
 own fireside who sees the clog of his exist- 
 ence ever seated there the same, in the 
 deadening influence she has upon his spirit?, 
 to-day, as yesterday, to-morrow, and the next 
 day, and the next ! Welcome, thrice wel- 
 come, is the often-invited visiter, who breaks 
 the dismal dual of this scene. 
 
 Married women are often spoken of in 
 high terms of commendation for their per- 
 sonal services, their handiwork, and their do- 
 mestic management ; but I am inclined to 
 think that a married woman, possessing all 
 these, and even beauty too, yet wanting con- 
 versation, might become " weary, stale, flat, 
 and unprofitable," in the estimation of her 
 husband ; and, finally, might drive him from 
 his home by the leaden weight of her uncom- 
 panionable society. 
 
 I know not whether other minds have felt 
 (he same as mine under the pressure of some 
 personal presence without fellowship of feel- 
 ing. Innocent and harmless the individual 
 may be who thus inflicts the grievance? yet 
 there is an irksomeness in their mere bodily 
 
 presence almost intolerable to be borne ; and 
 in proportion to the estimate we form of real 
 society, and companionship, and sympathy 
 of feeling, is the dread we entertain of asso- 
 ciation with mere animal life in its human 
 form, while nothing of this fellowship of feel- 
 ing is experienced. 
 
 There cannot, however, be a greater mis- 
 take in the science of being agreeable, than 
 to suppose that conversation must be made 
 a business of. Oh ! the misery of being pit- 
 ted against a professional converser! one 
 who looks from side to side until a vacant 
 ear is found, and commences a battery of 
 declamation if you will not answer, and of 
 argument if you will. Indeed, the immense 
 variety of annoyances deducible from ill- 
 managed conversation, are a sufficient proof 
 of its importance in society ; and any one 
 disposed to dispute this fact, need only recall 
 the many familiar instances of disappoint- 
 ment and chagrin which all who mix in any 
 manner with what is called the world, must 
 have experienced, from mistaken views of 
 what is agreeable in conversation. 
 
 It would be vain to attempt an enumera- 
 tion of the different aspects under which this 
 peculiar kind of annoyance presents itself. 
 A few heads will be sufficient, under which 
 to range the different classes of injudicious 
 talkers. First, then, we naturally think of 
 those who have obtained the conventional 
 appellation of bores, or, to describe them 
 more politely, the class of talkers whose 
 over-solicitude is proportioned to their diffi- 
 culty in obtaining patient hearers. These, 
 again, may be subdivided into endless varie- 
 ties, of which a few specimens will suffice. 
 Yet among all these, even the most inveter- 
 ate, may be found worthy individuals, whose 
 qualifications for imparting both instruction 
 and amusement are by no means contempti- 
 ble. 
 
 Entitled to distinction in the art of annoy- 
 ance are the hobby-riders those who not 
 only ride a favorite hobby themselves, but 
 expect every one they meet with to mount 
 and ride the same. It matters not whether 
 their ruling subject be painting or politics,
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 39 
 
 except that minds devoted to the fine arts 
 have generally about them some delicacy as 
 to the reception of their favorites, and are 
 too shrinkingly alive to the slights it may re- 
 ceive, to risk its introduction -without some 
 indication of a welcome. Still there are ex- 
 ceptions even to this rule, and nothing can 
 be more wearisome to the uninitiated, or 
 more unintelligible to the unpractised ear, 
 than the jargon poured forth by an amateur 
 painter without regard to the tastes or the 
 understandings of those around him. 
 
 Perhaps his fellow-traveller is seated on 
 some gentle eminence, drinking in the deep 
 quiet of a summer's evening, not merely 
 from sight, but sound, and blending all with 
 treasured memories of the past, in which no 
 stranger could intermeddle, when the painter 
 bursts upon him with his technicalities, and 
 the illusion is gone. He raves about the 
 breadth of the coloring. His companion sees 
 the long tall shadows of the trees reflected 
 on the sloping green, with the golden sunset 
 gleaming in between the stems, and through 
 the interstices of the foliage, and he knows 
 not where the poetry or even the truth of 
 this wonderful property of breadth can be. 
 The painter descants upon the bringing out 
 of the distant cottage from the wood. His 
 companion is of opinion it would be better to 
 let it remain where it is half hid in the re- 
 tirement of the forest, and sending up, as it 
 seems, from the very bosom of the silent 
 shade, its wreath of curling smoke, to indi- 
 cate the social scene beneath its rustic roof, 
 prepared for by the lighting of the wood- 
 man's fire. But the painter is not satisfied. 
 He calls upon his friend to observe the 
 grouping of the whole. He must have the 
 outline broken. The thing is done. His 
 sketch is exhibited in triumph, and he raves 
 on with accelerated delight ; for he has cleft 
 the hills in twain, and placed a group of rob- 
 bers on the broken ground. Alas ! how 
 should his companion believe or understand ! 
 His thoughts are expatiating upon that scene, 
 because its sloping hills, and cultivated fields, 
 and gardens and orchards and village church- 
 yard, are like the spot where he was born, 
 
 and where his father died ; and he sees no 
 mountain gorge, nor bandit chief, nor hears 
 the rush of torrents on the breeze ; but his 
 eye dwells again upon the apple-tree in its 
 spring bloom, and the lambs upon the lea, 
 and his ear is open to the cooing of the wood- 
 pigeon on the chestnut boughs, and the sound 
 of voices than all other sounds more sweet 
 the voices that spoke kindly of his child- 
 hood. 
 
 It might be supposed that, if under any cir- 
 cumstances the society of a painter could be 
 always welcome, it would be among the vari- 
 ed scenes of a picturesque tour. But even 
 here the mind has pictures of its own, and he 
 who is perpetually telling you what to see, 
 might as well force upon you at every view, 
 the use of his camera lucida, and neither al- 
 low you to gaze upon nature as you wish to 
 behold it, nor as it really is. 
 
 Women are, perhaps, less addicted than 
 men to annoy others with their pet subjects ; 
 because they have less opportunity of follow- 
 ing out any particular branch of art or study, 
 to the exclusion of others ; and politics, that 
 most prevalent and unceasing absorbent of 
 conversation, is seldom a favorite theme with 
 them. They have, however, their houses and 
 their servants, and, what is infinitely worse 
 they have themselves. 
 
 Perhaps accustomed to a little private ad- 
 miration in a remote corner of the world, they 
 obtain a false estimate of their own impor- 
 tance, and act as if they thought no subject so 
 interesting as that which turns upon their own 
 experience, their own peculiarities, or even 
 their own faults. It does not always follow 
 that such women admire themselves so much 
 as the prevalence of self in their conversation 
 would at first lead us to suppose, for in expa- 
 tiating upon the good qualities of others, they 
 often exclaim and why should we doubt 
 their sincerity ? how much they wish they 
 were like the beings they extol ! They will 
 even speak disparagingly of themselves, and 
 tell of their own faults without occasion ; but 
 even while they do this with an air of humil- 
 ity, they seldom fail to leave an impression on 
 the minds of their hearers, that in reality they
 
 like their own faults better than the virtues 
 
 of others. 
 
 It is not of much consequence what u 
 nature of the subject proposed to the attention 
 of this class of talkers. If the weather : It 
 does not agree with me, / like the wind from 
 the west" If the politics of the country in 
 which they live : " / have not given much at- 
 tention to politics, nor do I think that women 
 should." If any moral quality in the abstract 
 is discussed : Oh, that is just my fault !" or, 
 * If I possess any virtue, I do think it is that." 
 If an anecdote la related : " That is like [or 
 not like] me. I should [or should not] have 
 done the same." If the beauty of any distant 
 place is described: "/ never was there, but 
 my uncle once was within ten miles of- it: 
 and had it not been for the miscarriage of a 
 letter, I should have been his companion on 
 that journey. My uncle was always fond of 
 taking me with him. Dear good man, I was 
 a great pet of his." If the lapse of time is 
 the subject of conversation : "The character 
 undergoes many changes in a few years. I 
 wonder whether, or in what way, mine will 
 be altered two years hence." If the moon : 
 " How many people write sonnets to the 
 moon ! / never did." 
 
 And thus sun, moon, and stars the whole 
 created universe are but links in that con- 
 tinuous chain which vibrates with perpetual 
 music to the egotist, connecting all things in 
 heaven and earth, however discordant or 
 heterogeneous, by a perfect and harmonious 
 union with self. 
 
 A very slight degree of observation would 
 enable such individuals to perceive that as 
 soon as self is put in the place of any of the 
 subjects in question, conversation necessarily 
 flags, as this topic, to say the least of it, can- 
 not be familiar to both parties. On one side, 
 therefore, nothing further remains to be said ; 
 for, however lovely the egotist may be in her 
 own person, no man, or woman either, is pre- 
 pared to have her substituted for the world in 
 general, though it seems more than probable 
 that the individual herself might not object to 
 such a transposition. 
 Another class of annoying talkers, whose 
 
 claims to eminence in this line I am in no way 
 disposed to contest, consists of the talkers of 
 mere common-place those who say nothing 
 jut what we could have said ourselves, had 
 we deemed it worth our while, and who never 
 on any occasion, or by any chance, give ut- 
 terance to a new idea. Such people will talk. 
 They seem to consider it their especial duty to 
 talk, and no symptoms of inattention in their 
 hearers, no impatient answer nor averted ear, 
 nor even the interminable monotony of their 
 own prattle, has the power to hush them into 
 silence. If they fail in one thing, they try an- 
 other ; but, unfortunately for them, there is a 
 transmuting medium in their own discourse, 
 that would turn to dust the golden opinions 
 of the wisest of men. 
 
 We naturally ask in what consists that ob- 
 jectionable common-place of which we com- 
 plain, since the tenor of their conversation is 
 not unlike the conversation of others. It is 
 in reality too like, too much composed of the 
 fillings-up of conversation in general. It has 
 nothing distinctive in it, and, like certain let- 
 ters we have seen, would answer the pur- 
 pose as well if addressed to one individual as 
 another. 
 
 The talker of common-place is always in- 
 terested in the weather, which forms an all- 
 sufficient resource when other subjects fail 
 One would think, from the frequency with 
 which the individual remarks upon the rising of 
 clouds, and the falling of rain, she was perpet- 
 ually on the point of setting out on a journey 
 But she treats the seasons with the same re- 
 spect, and loses no opportunity of telling the 
 farmer who is silently suffering from a we 
 harvest, that the autumn has been unusually 
 unpropitious. If you cough, she hopes you 
 have not taken cold, but really colds are ex- 
 tremely prevalent. If you bring out your 
 work, she admires both your industry am 
 your taste, and assures you that rich colors 
 are well thrown off by a dark ground. If books 
 are the subject of conversation, she inquires 
 whether you have read one that has just ha< 
 a twelvemonth's run of popularity. She 
 thinks that authors sometimes go a little toe 
 far, but concludes, with what appears in he
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 41 
 
 opinion to be a universal case, that much may 
 be said on both sides. From books she pro- 
 ceeds to authors ; expatiates upon the ima- 
 gination of Shakspeare, and the strength of 
 mind possessed by Hannah More ; and de- 
 liberately inquires whether you do not agree 
 with her in her sentiments respecting both. 
 Nay, so far does reality exceed imagination, 
 that I once heard a very sweet and amiable 
 woman, whose desire to be at the same time 
 both edifying and agreeable, somewhat out- 
 ran her originality of thought, exclaim, in one 
 of those pauses incident to conversation 
 " What an excellent book the Bible is !" 
 Now, there is no gainsaying such an asser- 
 tion, and it is almost equally impossible to as- 
 sent. Conversation, therefore, always flags 
 where common-place exists, because it elicits 
 nothing, touches no answering chord, nor con- 
 veys any other idea than that of bare sound 
 to the ear of the reluctant listener. 
 
 Another and most prolific source of annoy- 
 ance is found among that class of persons 
 who choose to converse on subjects interest- 
 ing to themselves, without regard to time, or 
 place, or general appropriateness. Whatever 
 they take up, either as' their ruling topic, or 
 as one of momentary interest, is forced upon 
 society, whether in season or out of season ; 
 and they often feel surprised and mortified 
 that their favorite subjects, in themselves not 
 unfrequently well chosen, are received by oth- 
 ers with so cold a welcome. How many wor- 
 thy individuals, whose minds are richly stored, 
 and whose laudable desire is to disseminate 
 useful knowledge, entirely defeat their own 
 ends by this want of adaptation ; and many 
 whose conversation might be both amusing 
 and instructive, from this cause seldom meet 
 with a patient hearer. 
 
 Old people are peculiarly liable to this er- 
 ror ; and it would be well to provide against 
 the garrulity and wearisomeness of advanced 
 age, by cultivating such powers of discrimi- 
 nation as would enable us habitually to dis- 
 cover what is acceptable, or otherwise, in 
 conversation. 
 
 It occasionally happens that the mistress of 
 a house, the kind hospitable mistress, who 
 
 has been at a world of pains to make every, 
 body comfortable, is the very last person at 
 the table, beside whom any of her guests 
 would desire to be placed ; because they know 
 that being once linked in with her intermina- 
 ble chain of prattle, they will have no chance 
 of escape until the ladies rise to withdraw ; 
 and there are few who would not prefer 
 quietly partaking of her soups and sauces, to 
 hearing them described. Women of this de- 
 scription, having tired out everybody at home, 
 and taught every ear to turn away, are vora- 
 cious of attention when they can command 
 it, or even that appearance of it which the 
 visitor politely puts on. Charmed with the 
 novelty of her situation in having caught a 
 hearer, she makes the most of him. Warm- 
 ing with her subject, and describing still more 
 copiously, she looks into his face with an ex- 
 pression bordering on ecstasy ; and were it 
 not that she cpnsiderately spares him the task 
 of a rejoinder, his situation would be as in- 
 tolerable as the common routine of table-talk 
 could make it 
 
 In about the same class of agreeables with 
 this good lady, might be placed the profuse 
 teller of tales, whose natural flow of language 
 and fertility of ideas leads her so far away 
 from the original story, that neither the nar- 
 rator nor the listener would be able to answer 
 if suddenly inquired of what the story was 
 about. This is a very common fault among 
 female talkers, whose versatility of mind and 
 sensibility of feeling, render them peculiarly 
 liable to be diverted from any definite object 
 It is only wonderful that the same quickness 
 of apprehension does not teach them the im- 
 possibility of obtaining hearers on such terms. 
 
 Nor mast we forget, among the abuses of 
 conversation, the random talkers, those who 
 talk from impulse only, and rush upon you 
 with whatever happens to be uppermost in 
 their own minds, or most pleasing to their 
 fancy at the time, without waiting to ascer- 
 tain whether the individual they address is 
 sad or merry, at liberty to listen, or pre-oc- 
 cupied with some weightier and more inter- 
 esting subject 
 
 Whatever the topic of conversation, thus
 
 CONVERSATION OF 
 
 obtruded upon society, may be, it is evident 
 there must be a native obtuseness and vul- 
 garity in the mind of the individual who thus 
 offends, or she would wait before she spoke, 
 to tune her voice to some degree of harmony 
 with the feelings of those around her. 
 
 Thus far we have noticed only the trifling 
 abuses of conversation, and of such we have, 
 perhaps already, had more than enough; 
 though the catalogue might easily be contin- 
 ued through as many volumes as it occupies 
 pages here. There are other aspects more 
 serious, under which the abuse of conversa- 
 tion must be contemplated ; and the first of 
 these is as it relates to carelessness or design 
 in exercising its power to give pain. 
 
 It is difficult to conceive that a deliberate 
 desire to give pain could exist in any but the 
 most malignant bosom ; but habitual want of 
 regard to what is painful to others, may easi- 
 ly be the cause of inflicting upon them real 
 misery. 
 
 We have all observed perhaps some of 
 us felt, the sting of a taunting or an ill-timed 
 jest ; and never is the suffering it occasions, 
 or the effect it produces, so much to be re- 
 gretted, as when it wrings sharp tears from 
 the gentle eyes of childhood. Ye know not 
 what ye do, might well be said to those who 
 thus burn up the blossoms of youth, and send 
 back the fresh, warm current of feeling to stag- 
 nate at the heart 
 
 It would be impossible, even if such were 
 our object, always to discover exactly when 
 we did give pain ; but surely it would be a 
 study well worthy of a benevolent and en- 
 lightened mind, to ascertain the fact with as 
 much precision as we are capable of. What, 
 for instance, do we feel on being called upon to 
 sympathize with a young lady who ia at the 
 same moment pointed out to as one whose fa- 
 ther a short time before had put an end to his 
 existence, when the recollection simultaneous- 
 ly flashes upon us, that during the whole of the 
 past evening, we engaged the attention of the 
 very same young lady with a detailed account 
 of tlie melancholy scenes we had sometimes 
 witnessed in an insane asylum ? Yet, neither 
 the pain inflicted by such conversation is 
 
 greater, nor is its carelessness more culpable 
 in us, than is that of a large portion of the ill- 
 judged, random speeches we give utterance to 
 every day. 
 
 Nor is it in common conversation that care- 
 lessness of giving pain is felt so much, as in 
 the necessary duties of advising and finding 
 fault I am inclined to think no very agree- 
 able way of telling people of their faults has 
 ever yet been discovered ; but certainly there 
 is a difference, as great as that which sepa- 
 rates light from darkness, between reproof ju- 
 diciously and injudiciously administered. By 
 carelessness in not regulating our tones and 
 looks and manner when reproving others, we 
 may convey either too much or too little 
 meaning, and thus defeat our own purposes ; 
 we may even convey an impression the exact 
 opposite of that designed, and awaken feel- 
 ings of bitterness, revenge, and malignity in 
 the mind of the individual we are solicitous 
 to serve. 
 
 Let no one therefore presume to do good, 
 either by instruction or advice, unless they 
 have learned something of the human heart. 
 It may appear, on the first view of the sub- 
 ject, a difficult and arduous study, but it is 
 one that never can be begun too early or pur- 
 sued too long. It is one also, in the pursuit 
 of which women never need despair, as thev 
 possess the universal key of sympathy, by 
 which all hearts may be unlocked, some, it 
 is true, with considerable difficulty, and some 
 but partially at last ; yet, if the key be applied 
 by a delicate and skilful hand, there is little 
 doubt but some measure of success will re- 
 ward the endeavor. 
 
 We have said before, and we again repeat, 
 it is scarcely possible to believe that beings 
 constituted as women are kindly affectioned, 
 and tenderly susceptible of pain themselves 
 should be capable of wantonly and designedly 
 inflicting pain upon others. Nature revolts 
 from the thought We look at the smile of 
 beauty, and exclaim, "Impossible!" We 
 pursue the benevolent visitant of the sick in 
 her errands of mercy, and say, * It cannot 
 be." Yet, after all, we fear it must be charged 
 upon the female sex, that they do assist occa-
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 43 
 
 sionally in the circulation of petty scandal, and 
 that it is not always from carelessness that they 
 let slip the envenomed shaft, or speak dag- 
 gers where they dare not use them. Nor are 
 the speakers alone to blame. The hearers 
 ought at least to participate, for if the habit 
 of depreciating character were discountenan- 
 ced in society, it would soon cease to exist, or 
 exist only in occasional attempts, to be defeat- 
 ed as soon as made. 
 
 Few women have the hardihood to confess 
 that they delight in this kind of conversation. 
 But let the experiment be made in mixed so- 
 ciety, of course not under the influence of 
 true religious feeling, though perhaps the 
 party might be such as would feel a little 
 scandalized at being told they were not. Let 
 a clever and sarcastic woman take the field, 
 not, professedly, to talk against her neighbors 
 on her own authority, but to throw in the 
 hearsay of the day, by way of spice to the 
 general conversation ; giving to a public man 
 his private stigma to an author his unsale- 
 able book to the rich man his trading ances- 
 try to the poor, his unquestionable impru- 
 dence to the beau, his borrowed plumes 
 and to the belle, her artificial bloom. We 
 grant that this mass of poisoning matter 
 thrown in at once, would be likely to offend 
 the taste. It must, therefore, be skilfully pro- 
 portioned, distributed with nice distinction, 
 and dressed up with care. Will there not 
 then be a large proportion of attentive listen- 
 ers gathered round the speaker, smiling a 
 ready assent to what they had themselves not 
 dared to utter, and nodding as if in silent recog- 
 nition of some fact they had previously been 
 made acquainted with in a more private way ] 
 
 Now all this while there may be seated in 
 another part of the room, a person whose 
 sole business is to tell the good she knows, 
 believes, or has heard of others. She is not 
 a mere relater of facts, but equally talented, 
 shrewd, and discriminating with the opposite 
 party, only she is restricted to the detail of 
 what is good. I simply ask, for I wish not 
 to pursue the subject further, Which of these 
 talkers will be likely to obtain the largest 
 group of listeners 7 
 
 It is not, after all, by any consistent or de- 
 termined attack npon character, that so much 
 mischief is done, as by interlarding otherwise 
 agreeable conversation with the sly hope of 
 pretended charity that certain things are 
 not as they have been reported ; or the kind 
 wish that apparent merit was real, or might 
 last 
 
 English society is so happily constituted, 
 that women have little temptation to any 
 open vice. They must lose all respect for 
 themselves, before they would venture so far 
 to forget their respectability. But they have 
 temptations as powerful to them, as open 
 vice to others, and not the less so for being 
 insidious. Who would believe that the pas- 
 sions of envy, hatred, and revenge could lurk 
 within the gentle bosom over which those 
 folds of dove-colored drapery are falling? 
 The lady has been prevailed upon to sing for 
 the amusement of the company. Blushing 
 and hesitating, she is just about to be led to 
 the place of exhibition, when another move- 
 ment, in a distant part of the room, where 
 her own advance was not observed, has 
 placed upon the seat of honor, a younger, 
 and perhaps more lovely woman ; and she 
 lays open the very piece of music which the 
 lady in the dove-like color had believed her- 
 self the only person present who could sing. 
 The musician charms the company. The 
 next day, our dove hears of nothing but this 
 exquisite performance ; and at last she is pro- 
 voked to say, " No wonder she plays so well, 
 for I understand she does nothing else. Her 
 mamma was ill the other day with a dreadful 
 headache, and she played on, the whole after- 
 noon, because she was going to a party in 
 the evening, and wished to keep herself in 
 practice." 
 
 Now, there is little in this single speech. 
 It is almost too trifling for remark ; but it 
 may serve as a specimen of thousands, which 
 are no determined falsehoods, nay, possibly, 
 no falsehoods at all, and yet originate in feel- 
 ings as diametrically opposed to Christian 
 meekness, love, and charity, as are the ma- 
 lignant passions of envy, hatred, and re- 
 venge.
 
 11 
 
 CONVERSATION OF 
 
 I must again repeat, that I know the evil 
 exists not in this individual act, but in the 
 state of the heart where it originates ; yet I 
 write thus earnestly about seeming trifles, 
 because I believe few young persons are suf- 
 ficiently alive to their importance: because 
 I know that the minor morals of domestic 
 life exercise a vital influence over the well- 
 being of society ; and because the peace of 
 whole families is sometimes destroyed by the 
 outward observance of religious duty not be- 
 ing supported by an equally strenuous ob- 
 servance of these delicate but essential points. 
 
 In studying the art, or rather the duty of 
 being agreeable a duty which all kindly- 
 disposed persons will be anxious to observe 
 it is of importance to inquire, from whence 
 originate the errors here specified, with the 
 long catalogue that might follow in their 
 train 1 So far as they are confined to mis- 
 apprehension of what is really agreeable, they 
 may be said to originate in the innate selfish- 
 ness of our nature gaining the mastery over 
 our judgment ; beyond this, they originate in 
 the evil propensities of the human heart, 
 which when the influence of popular feeling 
 operates against their exhibition in any gross 
 and palpable form, infuse themselves, as it 
 were, into the very current of our existence, 
 and poison all our secret springs of feeling. 
 
 In order to correct the former, it is neces- 
 sary that the judgment should be awakened. 
 But as habits of selfishness, long indulged, 
 involve the understanding in a cloud too 
 dense to be altogether dispelled, it is the more 
 important that youth should be so trained as 
 to acquire habits of constant and unremitting 
 mental reference to the feelings and charac- 
 ters of others ; so that a quickness of percep- 
 tion, almost like intuitive knowledge, shall 
 enable them to carry out the kindly purposes 
 they are taught to cherish, into the delicate 
 and minute affairs of life, and thus render 
 them the means not only of giving pleasure, 
 but of warding off pain. 
 
 It may appear a harsh conclusion to come 
 to, that the little errors of conversation to 
 which allusion has been made, and which 
 are often conspicuous in what are called good 
 
 sort of people, really owe their existence to 
 selfishness; but it should be remembered, 
 that to this assertion the writer is far from 
 adding, that those who act with more tact, 
 and avoid such errors, are necessarily free 
 from the same fault There may be a refined 
 as well as a gross selfishness, and both may 
 be equal in their intensity and power. 
 
 But let us go back to the cases already 
 specified. If the artist were not habitually 
 more intent upon his own gratification than 
 upon that of his companions, he would keep 
 his hobby in the background, and allow him- 
 self time to perceive that the attention of his 
 companion was pre-occupied by subjects 
 more agreeable to him. The same may cer- 
 tainly be said of the more common fault of 
 making se?f the ruling topic of conversation ; 
 and this applies with equal truth to self-de- 
 preciation as to self-praise. 
 
 The case is too clear and simple to need 
 further argument It must be the tidbit of 
 acting from that first and most powerful im- 
 pulse of our nature, and just pouring forth 
 the fulness of our own hearts, discharging 
 our own imagination of its load, and empty- 
 ing the storehouse of our own memory, with- 
 out regard to fitness or preparation in the 
 soil upon which the seed may fall, or the 
 harvest it is likely to produce, that renders 
 conversation sometimes tasteless and vapid, 
 and sometimes inexpressibly annoying. 
 
 The weightier responsibilities which attach 
 to the talent of conversation, do not appear 
 to fall directly within the compass of a work 
 expressly devoted to the morals of domestic 
 life. It is, however, a fact of great import- 
 ance to establish, that a woman's private con- 
 versation for in public they converse too 
 much alike is the surest evidence of her 
 mind being imbued or not imbued with just 
 and religious principles ; that where it is uni- 
 formly trifling, there can be no predominating 
 desire to promote the interests of religion in 
 the world ; and where, on the other hand, it 
 is uniformly solemn and sedate, it is ill-calcu- 
 lated to recommend the course it would ad- 
 vocate with effect ; that where it abounds in 
 sarcasm, invective, and abuse, even of what is
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 45 
 
 evil, it never emanates from a mind in per- 
 fect unison with what is good ; and that 
 where it is always smooth, and sweet, and 
 complacent, it must be deficient in one of the 
 grand uses of conversation its correction 
 | and reproof: finally, that where it is carried 
 on in public or in private, without the least 
 desire to elicit truth, to correct mistakes in 
 relation or opinion, to establish principle, to 
 disseminate useful knowledge, to warn of 
 danger, or to perform that most difficult but 
 most important of all duties to correct the 
 faults of friends there must be something 
 wrong at the heart's core, from whence this 
 waste of words is flowing : and sad will be 
 the final account, if, for each day of a length- 
 ened existence upon earth, this great engine 
 of moral good and evil has been thus per- 
 forming its fruitless labor for time, without 
 an object ; for eternity, without reward. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 CONVERSATION. 
 
 IT may appear somewhat paradoxical to 
 commence a chapter on the uses of conver- 
 sation, by pointing out the uses of being silent; 
 yet such is the importance to a woman, of 
 knowing exactly when to cease from conver- 
 sation, and when to withhold it altogether, 
 that the silence of the female sex seems to 
 have become proverbially synonymous with 
 a degree of merit almost too great to be be- 
 lieved in as a fact. There could be no agree- 
 able conversation carried on, if there were no 
 good listeners ; and from her position in socie- 
 ty, it is the peculiar province of a woman, 
 rather to lead others out into animated and 
 intelligent communication, than to be intent 
 upon making communications from the re- 
 sources of her own mind. 
 
 Besides this, there are times when men, 
 especially if they are of moody temperament, 
 are more offended, and annoyed by being 
 talked to, than they could be by the greatest 
 
 personal affront from the same quarter ; and 
 a woman of taste will readily detect the for- 
 bidding frown, the close-shut lips, and the 
 averted eye, which indicate a determination 
 not to be drawn out. She will then find op- 
 portunity for the indulgence of those secret 
 trains of thought and feeling which naturally 
 arise in every human mind ; and while she 
 plies her busy needle, and sists quietly mus- 
 ing by the side of her husband, her father, or 
 her brother, she may be adding fresh mate- 
 rials from the world of thought to that fund 
 of conversational amusement, which she is 
 ever ready to bring forward for their use. 
 
 By the art of conversation, therefore, as I 
 am about to treat the subject in the present 
 chapter, I would by no means be understood 
 to mean the mere act of talking, but that cul- 
 tivation and exercise of the conversational 
 powers which is most conducive to social 
 enjoyment, and most productive of beneficial 
 influence upon our fellow-creatures. 
 
 I have already asserted of conversation, 
 that it is a fruitful source of human happi- 
 ness and misery, a powerful engine of moral 
 good and evil, and few, I should suppose, 
 would deny the truth of this assertion. Yet, 
 notwithstanding the prevalence of this con- 
 viction, the art of conversation is seldom or 
 never cultivated as a branch of modern edu- 
 cation. It is true, the youthful mind is stim- 
 ulated into early and immature expansion ; 
 and the youthful memory is stored with facts, 
 but the young student, released from the 
 trammels of school discipline, is thrown upon 
 society in a state of total ignorance of the 
 means of imparting her knowledge so as to 
 render it available in raising the general tone 
 of conversation ; and the consequence most- 
 ly is, she is so engrossed by the new life into 
 which she is suddenly introduced, and so oc- 
 cupied in learning what must be acquired 
 before she can make any respectable figure 
 in what is called society, that she closes the 
 door upon the storehouse she has spent so 
 many years of her life in filling ; and finding 
 little use for the materials accumulated there, 
 is only known in after years to have had a 
 good education, by hearing her occasionally
 
 m 
 
 CONVERSATION OF 
 
 exclaim" I learned all about that at school, 
 but have entirely forgotten it since." 
 
 The English woman, whose peculiar part 
 it is to blend all that is productive of benefit 
 in her intellectual powers, with all that is 
 conducive to happiness in her affections, 
 would do well to give her attention as early 
 as possible to the uses of conversation ; and 
 if a system could be formed for teaching 
 some of the simple rules of conversation as 
 an art, it would be found more advantageous 
 to women in their social capacity, than many 
 of the branches of learning which they now 
 spend years in acquiring. 
 
 To converse by rule has indeed a startling 
 sound, and few, we are apt to conclude, on a 
 slight consideration of the subject, would re- 
 commend themselves by such a process. 
 The same conclusion, however, is always 
 rushed upon by the young genius who first 
 begins to try her skill in the sister arts of 
 painting and poetry, yet, in proceeding, she 
 finds at every step, that there must be a rule, a 
 plan, a system, or that genius, with all her pro- 
 fusion of materials, will be unable to form them 
 into such a whole as will afford pleasure even 
 to the most uninitiated. 
 
 I am aware I incur some risk of being 
 charged both with ignorance and enthusiasm, 
 when I express my belief that the art of con- 
 versation might in some measure be reduced 
 to a system taught in our schools, and render- 
 ed an important part of female education ; 
 but I am not aware that my belief can be 
 proved to be ill-founded until the experiment 
 has been fairly tried. 
 
 Let an individual who has never heard of 
 botany go forth into one of our English mead- 
 ows in the month of June, and gaze upon 
 the luxuriance of flowers, and leaves, and 
 shooting stems, which there would meet his 
 eye. Tell him that all these distinct and sep- 
 arate plants have been classed, and resolved 
 into their appropriate orders, and he will ex- 
 claim, M Impossible ! it cannot be." 
 
 I must allow that the case is not, strictly 
 speaking, a similar one. There are difficul- 
 ties of no trifling magnitude in reducing the 
 faculties of the human mind to any thing 
 
 like order, and in laying down rules for the 
 promotion of human happiness, except on the 
 broad scale of moral philosophy. But let the 
 two cases be fairly tried, and I am still un- 
 convinced that the most apparently imprac- 
 ticable would not be attended with a measure 
 of success. 
 
 If we consider the number of books that 
 have been written on the subject of botany, 
 the number of lectures that have been deliv- 
 ered, the number of years it has been taught, 
 and the number of wise men who have made 
 it their chief study ; and if in comparison 
 with a subject upon which such vast machi- 
 nery of mind has been brought to operate, 
 we do but mention that of Conversation, to 
 which no one entire volume has, perhaps, 
 ever yet been devoted, a smile of derision 
 will most probably be the only notice our ob- 
 servation will excite. 
 
 I would not be understood to speak lightly 
 of a knowledge of botany, or to depreciate 
 the value of any other science. All I would 
 maintain is this, that to know every thing that 
 can be known in art and nature, is of little 
 value to a woman, if she has not at the same 
 time learned to communicate her knowledge 
 in such a manner as to render it agreeable 
 and serviceable to others. 
 
 A woman does not converse more agreea- 
 bly, because she is able to define botanically 
 the difference between a rose and a butter- 
 cup, though it may be desirable to be able to 
 do so when asked ; but because she has a 
 quick insight into character, has tact to select 
 the subjects of conversation best suited to her 
 auditors, and to pursue them just so long as 
 they excite interest, and engage attention. 
 
 With regard to the art of conversation, 
 therefore, adaptation may be laid down as 
 the primary rule vivacity, or rather fresh- 
 ness, the second and the establishment of a 
 fact, or the deduction of a moral, the third. 
 
 Why should not the leisure hours at school 
 be filled up by the practice of these rules, 
 not only as a recreation, but as a pleasing art, 
 in which it would be much to the advantage 
 of every woman to excel ? Why should not 
 the mistress of the school devote her time
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 47 
 
 occasionally to the exercise of this art in the 
 midst of her pupils, who might by her win- 
 ning manners be invited in their turn to prac- 
 tise upon her ? And why should not some 
 plan be invented for encouraging the same 
 exercise among the junior members of the 
 establishment 1 Each girl, for instance, might 
 be appointed for a day or a week, the con- 
 verser with, or entertainer of, one of her fel- 
 low-students, taking all in rotation ; so that 
 in their hours of leisure it should be her busi- 
 ness to devote herself to her companion, as 
 it is that of a host to a guest A report 
 should then be given in at the expiration of 
 the day or week, by the girl whose part it 
 was to be conversed with, and by encourag- 
 ing her to state whether she has been annoy- 
 ed or interested, weari?d or amused, in the 
 presence of. her companion, who should in 
 her turn have the liberty of commending or 
 complaining of her as an attentive or inat- 
 tentive listener, a good or bad responder, 
 such habits of candor and sincerity would 
 be cultivated, as are of essential service in 
 the formation of the moral character. 
 
 The practice of this art, as here recom- 
 mended, would not necessarily be restricted 
 in its operation to any particular number. 
 Those who attained the greatest proficiency 
 might extend their conversational powers to 
 other members of the establishment ; and 
 thus might be constituted little amicable socie- 
 ties, in which all the faculties most likely to 
 recommend the young students in their future 
 association with the world, would be called 
 into exercise, and rendered conducive to the 
 general good. 
 
 To the class of women chiefly referred to 
 in this work, it is perhaps most important 
 that they should be able to converse with in- 
 terest and effect. A large portion of their 
 time is spent in the useful labor of the needle, 
 an occupation which of all others requires 
 something to vary its monotony, and render 
 less irksome its seemingly interminable dura- 
 tion ; they are frequently employed in nursing 
 the sick, when appropriate and well-timed 
 conversation may occasionally beguile the 
 sufferer into forgetfulness of pain ; and they 
 
 are also much at home at their humble, 
 quiet homes where excitement from extra- 
 neous causes seldom comes, and where, if 
 they are unacquainted with the art, and un- 
 initiated in the practice of conversation, their 
 days are indeed heavy, and their evenings 
 worse than dull. 
 
 The women of England are not only pe- 
 culiarly in need of this delightful relaxation 
 to blend with their daily cares ; but, until the 
 late rapid increase of superficial refinement, 
 they were adapted, by their habits and mode 
 of life, for cultivating their conversational 
 powers in a very high degree. Their time 
 was not occupied by the artificial embellish- 
 ments of polished life, they were thrown di- 
 rectly upon their own resources for substan- 
 tial comfort, and thus they acquired a founda- 
 tion of character which rendered their con- 
 versation sensible, original, and full of point 
 It is greatly to be apprehended that the in- 
 creased facilities for imparting instruction in 
 the present day, have not produced a pro- 
 portionate increase in the facilities of con- 
 versing ; and it is well worthy the attention 
 of those who give their time and thoughts to 
 the invention of improved means of dissem- 
 inating knowledge, to inquire what is the best 
 method of doing this by conversation as well 
 as by books. 
 
 It is not, however, strictly speaking, in 
 imparting a knowledge of general facts, that 
 the highest use of conversation consists. 
 General facts may be recorded in books, and 
 books may be circulated to the remotest range 
 of civilized society ; but there are delicate 
 touches of feeling too evanescent to bear the 
 impress of any tangible character ; there are 
 mental and spiritual appliances, that must 
 be immediate to be available ; and who has 
 not known the time when they would have 
 given the wealth of worlds for the power to 
 unburden their full hearts before the moment 
 of acceptance should be gone, or the atten- 
 tive ear be closed for ever 1 
 
 The difficulty is seldom so great in know- 
 ing what ought to be said, as in knowing 
 how to speak, what mode of expression 
 would be most acceptable, or what turn the
 
 CONVERSATION OF 
 
 conversation ought to take, so as best to in- 
 troduce the point in question. 
 
 Nor is the management of the voice an 
 unimportant branch of this art There are 
 never-to-be-forgotten tones, with which some 
 cruel word has been accompanied, that have 
 impressed themselves upon every heart; 
 and there are also tones of kindness equally 
 indelible, which had, perhaps, more influence 
 at the time they were heard, than the lan- 
 guage thy were employed to convey. " It 
 was not what she said, but the tone of voice 
 in which she spoke," is the complaint of 
 many a wounded spirit ; and welcome and 
 soothing to the listening ear is every tone 
 that tells of hope and gladness. 
 
 There is scarcely any source of enjoyment 
 more immediately connected at once with 
 the heart and with the mind, than that of 
 listening to a sensible and amiable woman 
 when she converses in a melodious and well- 
 regulated voice, when her language and pro- 
 nunciation are easy and correct, and when 
 she knows how to adapt her conversation to 
 the characters and habits of those around 
 her. 
 
 Women, considered in their distinct and 
 abstract nature, as isolated beings, must lose 
 more than half their worth. They are, in 
 fact, from their own constitution, and from 
 the station they occupy in the world, strictly 
 speaking, relative creatures. If, therefore, 
 they are endowed only with such faculties, 
 as render them striking and distinguished in 
 themselves, without the faculty of instru- 
 mentality, they are only as dead letters in 
 the volume of human life, filling what would 
 otherwise be a blank space, but doing nothing 
 more. 
 
 All the knowledge in the world, therefore, 
 without an easy and felicitous method of con- 
 veying it to others, would be but a profitless 
 possession to a woman ; while a very infe- 
 rior portion of knowledge, with this method, 
 might render her an interesting and delight- 
 ful companion. 
 
 None need despair, then, if shut out by 
 homely avocations, by straitened means, or 
 by other unavoidable causes, from learning 
 
 all the lessons taught at school ; for there 
 are lessons to be learned at home, around 
 the domestic hearth, and even in the ob- 
 scurity of rural life, perhaps of more im- 
 portance, in the summing-up of human hap- 
 piness. 
 
 One of the popular uses of conversation 
 is^to pass away time without being conscious 
 of its duration ; and, unworthy as this object 
 unquestionably is, the fact that conversation 
 is employed more than any other means for 
 such a purpose, is a convincing proof of its 
 importance and its power. 
 
 It is so natural to converse, that one of the 
 severest punishments inflicted upon degraded 
 human nature, is that of being denied the 
 liberty of speech. How desirable is it, then, 
 that what is done every hour in all classes of 
 society, and under almost every variety of 
 circumstance, should be done for some good 
 purpose, and done in the best possible man- 
 ner ! 
 
 To converse well in company, is a point of 
 ambition with many women, and few are in- 
 sensible to the homage paid bjr the most sin- 
 cere of all flatterers a group of attentive 
 listeners. So far as this talent enables a wo- 
 man of elevated mind to give a higher tone 
 to conversation in general, it is indeed a val- 
 uable gift ; but that of being able to converse 
 in an agreeable and appropriate manner in a 
 sick-room, with an aged parent or distressed 
 relative, or with a friend in delicate and try- 
 ing circumstances, is a gift of far higher and 
 more ennobling character. 
 
 I have already remarked, that attendance 
 upon the sick is one of the most frequent and 
 familiar, at the same time that it is one of the 
 most sacred, of the duties devolving upon 
 the class of women here described. It is 
 much to be able, gently and skilfully, to 
 smooth the pillow for the aching head, to ad- 
 minister the cordial draught, to guide the fee- 
 ble steps, and to watch through the sleepless 
 and protracted hours of night But these are 
 services rendered only to the suffering body. 
 The mind the unextinguishable mind, may 
 all the while be sorely in need of the oil with 
 which its waning lamp should still be trim-
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 49 
 
 med. And how shall this be administered 1 
 The practised nurses hired for the occasion 
 make rude and ill-advised attempts to raise 
 the drooping spirits of the patient by their 
 vulgar pleasantry ; books are too wearisome, 
 and tell only of far-off and by-gone things, 
 when the whole interest of the sufferer is 
 concentrated into the present moment, and 
 fixed upon himself. 
 
 It happens more frequently and more hap- 
 pily among the middle classes in England, 
 that nurses and domestics cannot well be 
 hired, and that the chief attention required 
 by the patient devolves upon the females of 
 the family. How differently in this case is 
 the sufferer dealt with ! There is no appear- 
 ance of coming in expressly to converse with 
 him ; but while a gentle and kind-hearted 
 woman steals with noiseless tread about the 
 room, arranging every article of comfort, and 
 giving to the whole apartment an air of re- 
 freshment or repose, she is watching every 
 indication of an opening for conversation, 
 that may beguile the lingering hours of their 
 tediousness, and lead the sufferer to forget 
 his pain. There are moments, even in sea- 
 sons of sickness, when a little well-timed 
 pleasantry is far from being unacceptable. 
 She watches for these, and turns them to ac- 
 count, by going just so far in her playfulness, 
 as the exhausted frame can bear without in- 
 jury. When sympathy is called for, as it is 
 on such occasions almost unceasingly, she 
 yields it freely and fully, though not to any 
 prolonged extent, as regards the case imme- 
 diately under her care ; but continuing the 
 same tone and manner, and with evidently 
 the same feeling, she speaks of other cases of 
 suffering, of some friend or neighbor; and 
 the more recent and immediate the instances, 
 the more likely they will be to divert the 
 mind of the patient from himself. These, of 
 course, are not brought forward with any 
 thing like a taunting insinuation that the pa 
 tient is not worse than others, but simply as 
 if her own mind was full of the impression 
 they are calulated to excite ; and by these 
 means, suiting her voice and her counte- 
 nance to the facts she is relating, she invests 
 
 them with an interest which even to the sel- 
 fish invalid is irresistible. 
 
 Varying with every change in the temper 
 and mood of the patient, her conversation 
 assumes every variety that is calculated to 
 please, always subdued and kept under by 
 such delicate touches of feeling, such intense 
 watchfulness, and such lively sensibility, that 
 the faintest shadow cannot pass across the 
 aching brow, nor the slightest indication of a 
 smile across the lips, but it serves as an in- 
 dex for her either to change the subject of 
 her discourse, to be silent or to proceed. 
 There is along with all this a kindness in her 
 voice which no pen was ever so eloquent as 
 to describe ; and there are moments of ap- 
 pealing weakness on the part of the invalid, 
 when she pours forth the full tide of her af- 
 fection in language that prosperity and health 
 would never have taught her how to use. 
 
 Beyond these seasons of intercourse, how- 
 ever, and of far deeper value, are those in 
 which the burdened soul of him who feels 
 himself to be fast hastening to the confines 
 of eternity, will sometimes seek a human ear 
 for the utterance of its anxieties and fears, 
 and appeal to a human heart for counsel in 
 its hours of need. It may be that the indi- 
 vidual has never been accustomed to con- 
 verse on these subjects knows not how to 
 begin and is ashamed to condemn, as he 
 feels that he must do, the whole of his past 
 life. Who then, but the friend who has been 
 near him in all his recent humiliations and 
 trials, who has shared them both to her very 
 utmost, and thus obtained his confidence, 
 who but his patient and untiring nurse can 
 mark and understand the struggle of his 
 feelings, and lead them forth by partial an- 
 ticipations, so gently that he is neither pained 
 nor humbled by the whole confession. 
 
 Perchance it is at the hour of midnight, 
 when fever gives him strength, and darkness 
 hides his countenance, and he hears the 
 sweet tones of that encouraging voice now 
 modulated to the expression of a sympathy 
 the most intense, and a love that many wa- 
 ters could not quench. There Is no surprise 
 in her rejoinder, when at last his lips have
 
 50 
 
 CONVERSATION OF 
 
 spoken what he could not utter by the light 
 of day, but a few simple words, more like 
 those of recognition of what she had known 
 before, and of what it is the lot of many to 
 experience ; and then, if ever, is the golden 
 moment when the power to speak without 
 wounding, and yet to speak home, is indeed 
 an inestimable gift. 
 
 It is true that suitable and salutary words 
 might be written out for some such occa- 
 sion ; but so differently constituted are hu- 
 man minds, that the same words would 
 scarcely prove suitable and salutary to any 
 two individuals, out of the countless myriads 
 who throng the peopled earth. 
 
 Nor is the chamber of sickness the only 
 situation in which the power of conversing 
 easily and appropriately is of inestimable 
 value. There are other cases of trial, of 
 suffering, and of anxious solicitude, in which 
 the mind would prey upon itself, even to the 
 injury of the bodily frame, if not diverted 
 from its object, and beguiled by pleasant con- 
 versation. 
 
 In seasons of protracted endurance, when 
 some anticipated crisis, of immeasurable good 
 or evil, comes not at the expected time, and 
 every fresh disappointment only adds to the 
 feverish restlessness which no human consti- 
 tution is strong enough to sustain unharmed ; 
 what amusement could be devised for such a 
 time, at all comparable to interesting and ju- 
 dicious conversation, gently touching upon 
 the exciting theme, and then leading off by 
 some of those innumerable channels which 
 woman's ingenuity is so quick to discover, 
 and so apt to make use of for purposes of 
 generosity and kindness 1 
 
 There are fireside scenes, too, of frequent 
 and familiar occurrence, in which this femi- 
 nine faculty may be rendered more service- 
 able than all other accomplishments scenes 
 that derive no sadness from acute or lively 
 suffering, but are yet characterized by an in- 
 expressible kind of melancholy, arising from 
 the moodiness of man, or the perverseness 
 of woman, or, perhaps, from a combination 
 of domestic disagreeables attaching to every 
 member of the family, and forming over their 
 
 better feelings a sort of incrustation, that must 
 be dissolved or broken through before any 
 thing like cheerfulness can shine forth. 
 
 There is, perhaps, more real sadness aris- 
 ing from causes like this, than from the more 
 definite misfortunes with which we are visit- 
 ed ; and not sadness only, but a kind of re- 
 sentment bordering on secret malignity, as if 
 each member of the family had poisoned the 
 happiness of the others ; and looks are di- 
 rected askance, books are opened, and their 
 leaves are methodically folded over ; and yet 
 the long dull evening will not wear away. 
 
 How like a ministering angel then is the 
 woman, who, looking off from her work, di- 
 rects her conversation to that member of the 
 family who appears most accessible, and 
 having gained his attention, gives the sub- 
 ject such a turn as to draw the attention of 
 another, and perhaps a third, until all at last, 
 without being aware of it, have joined in con- 
 versing on the same topic, and the close of 
 the evening finds them mutually agreeable to 
 each other. On such occasions, it is by no 
 means an insignificant attainment to be able 
 to awaken a laugh ; for if two or three can 
 be brought to laugh together, the incrustation 
 is effectually broken, and they will be good 
 friends without further effort 
 
 I know it would be fruitless to lay down 
 any minute and specific rules for conversa- 
 tion, because none could be acted upon safely 
 without strict reference to the object upon 
 which they might be brought to bear. Yet 
 it may be said to be a rule almost without 
 exception, that all persons are pleased to be 
 talked about themselves, their own affairs, 
 and their own connections, provided only it 
 is done with judgment, delicacy and tact. 
 When all other topics have been tried with- 
 out effect, this will seldom be found to fail. 
 Not, certainly, pursued upon what is de- 
 scribed as the American plan, of decided in- 
 quisitiveness, but by remote allusions, and 
 frequent recurrence to what has already been 
 drawn forth, making it the foundation for 
 greater confidence, and more definite com- 
 munication. 
 
 That species of universal politeness, which
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 51 
 
 prompts inquiry after the relations of the 
 stranger or the guest, appears to be founded 
 upon this principle, occurring, as it so fre- 
 quently does, where there can be no possible 
 interest on the part of the inquirer. 
 
 It is not, however, for the purpose of pre- 
 tending to that which does not really exist, 
 that conversation can be recommended as an 
 art, but simply for facilitating the expression 
 of feelings which could not be so well ex- 
 plained by a more direct assurance of their 
 nature and existence. 
 
 When a stranger from a distance perhaps 
 an orphan, or one who is compelled by ad- 
 verse circumstances to seek the means of 
 pecuniary support comes to take up her 
 abode in a family, no member of which she 
 has ever seen before, by what means can the 
 mother or the mistress of it make her feel 
 that she is at home] She may tell her in 
 plain words that she is disposed to make her 
 comfortable, but it will touch with infinitely 
 more force the heart of the stranger, if, with 
 a countenance of kindly interest, she makes 
 frequent and delicate mention of her friends, 
 of her brothers or sisters, or other near rela- 
 tions, or even of the part of the world in 
 which she has been accustomed to reside. 
 This kind of mention, frequently bestowed 
 with gentleness, and evident regard to the 
 facts it elicits or the confidence it draws forth, 
 will be much more effectual in gaining the 
 desired end, than the warmest expressions of 
 affectionate solicitude for the stranger herself. 
 
 I know that conversation, simply studied 
 as an art, without right motives for its exer- 
 cise, will be found of little benefit, either to 
 society, or to the individuals who practise it. 
 All I would maintain is, that it may be made 
 the medium of conferring happiness the in- 
 strument of doing good and that to a great- 
 er extent than any other accomplishment in 
 which woman can excel. For want of facility 
 in speaking appropriately, how much good 
 feeling is lost to the world, buried in the bo- 
 som where it 'originates, and where it be- 
 comes a burden and a load, from the very 
 consciousness of inability to make it under- 
 stood and felt ! 
 
 How often do we hear the bitterest lamen- 
 tations to this effect" If I could but have 
 told her what I felt if I could but have ad- 
 dressed her appropriately at the time if I 
 had but known how to make the conversa- 
 tion lead to the point ; but now the time has 
 passed, and I may never have so suitable an 
 opportunity again." 
 
 Besides the cases already described, there 
 are some darker passages in human life, 
 when women are thrown upon the actual 
 charm of their conversation, for rendering 
 more alluring the home that is not valued as 
 it should be. Perhaps a husband has learned 
 before his marriage the fatal habit of seeking 
 recreation in scenes of excitement and con- 
 vivial mirth. It is but natural that such 
 habits should with difficulty be broken off, 
 and that he should look with something like 
 weariness upon the quiet and monotony of 
 his own fireside. Music cannot always 
 please, and books to such a man are a taste- 
 less substitute for the evening party. He 
 may possibly admire his wife, consider her 
 extremely good-looking, and, for a woman, 
 think her very pleasant ; but the sobriety of 
 matrimony palls upon his vitiated taste, and 
 he longs to feel himself a free man again 
 among his old associates. 
 
 Nothing would disgust this man so much, 
 or drive him away so effectually, as any as- 
 sumption on the part of his wife, of a right 
 to detain him. The next most injudicious 
 thing she could do, would be to exhibit symp- 
 toms of grief of real sorrow and distress at 
 his leaving her ; for whatever may be said in 
 novels on the subject of beauty in tears, 
 seems to be rendered null and void by the 
 circumstance of marriage having taken place 
 between the parties. 
 
 The rational woman, whose conversation 
 on this occasion is to serve her purpose more 
 effectually than tears, knows better than to 
 speak of what her husband would probably 
 consider a most unreasonable subject of com- 
 plaint. She tries to recollect some incident, 
 some trait of character, or some anecdote of 
 what has lately occurred within her know- 
 ledge, and relates it in her most lively and
 
 CONVERSATION OF 
 
 piquant manner. If conscious of beauty, she 
 tries a little raillery, and plays gently upon 
 some of her husband's not unpleasing pecu- 
 liarities, looking all the while as disengaged 
 and unsuspecting as she can. If his atten- 
 tion becomes fixed, she gives her conversa- 
 tion a more serious turn, and plunges at once 
 into some theme of deep and absorbing in- 
 terest If her companion grows restless, she 
 changes the subject, and again recollects 
 something laughable to relate to him. Yet 
 all the while her own poor heart is aching 
 with the feverish anxiety that vacillates be- 
 tween the extremes of hope and fear. She 
 gains courage, however, as time steals on, for 
 her husband is by her side ; and with her 
 increasing courage her spirits become exhila- 
 rated, and she is indeed the happy woman 
 she has hitherto but appeared for at last 
 her husband looks at his watch, is astonished 
 to find it is too late to join his friends, and, 
 while the evening closes in, he wonders 
 whether any other man has a wife so de- 
 lightful and entertaining as his own. 
 
 Again, there is a class of beings, unfortu- 
 nately for themselves, not always welcomed 
 into good society, and yet severely blamed 
 for seeking bad a nondescript species of 
 humanity, not properly called boys nor worth- 
 ily called men, who are, above all other crea- 
 tures, the most difficult to converse with. 
 They seem, in fact, to be discarded from so- 
 ciety ; for old women are afraid of them, 
 while young ones pronounce them bores, 
 and old men seem uniformly inclined to put 
 them down, while young ones do little to 
 raise them up. Yet in these very individu- 
 als during this season of incipient manhood, 
 the character of the future statesman or citi- 
 zen, father or friend, is undergoing the pro- 
 se of formation ; and all the while, the step 
 that owes half its fleetness to the hope of 
 nng care and sorrow in the distance, 
 Is on with triumphant recklessness, be- 
 cause there is no friendly voice to arrest its 
 progress or direct its course. 
 
 Who takes the trouble to converse with a 
 youth of this description, for we confess it is 
 trouble, except where personal affection 
 
 prompts the act ? Is there not one who will 
 kindly endeavor to make the young heart 
 confess itself, for a heart there must be un- 
 der all this rude and turbulent exterior? 
 Yes, there is one. The reckless boy, after 
 receiving a thousand insults after having 
 been elbowed off by one, pushed away by a 
 second, and made game of by a third, comes 
 home to his mother, and finds that his own 
 fireside is indeed the happiest place on earth 
 to him. His mother does what no one else 
 will condescend to do : she converses with 
 him -she treats him like a rational being. 
 Interested in his amusements because they 
 are his, she talks to him about his sports, his 
 companions, and all the minutiae that fill ap 
 his daily life, anticipating all the while such 
 feelings and sentiments as she believes him 
 to possess, or at least gives him credit for, 
 and thus leads him to confess; while the 
 boy, feeling within himself the dawning of a 
 brighter epoch in his existence, the stirring 
 up of half-formed thoughts about to be ma- 
 tured, is happy and grateful to be thus err- 
 couraged to speak freely, and to be his better 
 self. 
 
 Of evenings spent in this manner, who 
 shall estimate the value, remembered as they 
 often are in after life, and blended as they 
 safely may be with that portion of self-re- 
 spect which is always found to support the 
 persevering, the upright, and the truly great? 
 The cases already mentioned, serve but as 
 specimens of the mass of evidence that might 
 be brought forward in favor of the utility of 
 conversation judioiously carried on : what, 
 then, must be said of the responsibility of 
 those who possess this talent in its highest 
 perfection, and either neglect to use it for any 
 laudable purpose, or devote it to a bad one ? 
 It seems to be too much the opinion of 
 people in general, that agreeable conversa- 
 tion, like many other agreeable things, is only 
 to be used for the benefit of guests and 
 strangers. The truly English, domestic, and 
 ireside companion has a higher estimate of 
 this talent She knows little of what is called 
 the world, and would be too diffident to at- 
 tempt to make a figure in it if she did. Her
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 world is her home ; and here, on days of la- 
 borious duty, as well as on days of pleasure, 
 when the family circle are met around 
 their homely hearth, as well as when the dis- 
 tinguished guest is with them it is her chief 
 delight to beguile what might otherwise be to 
 them heavy hours, with cheerful conversa- 
 tion. It is to her parents, her husband, her 
 brothers, and her sisters, as well as to her in- 
 timate friends, that she is the entertaining 
 and instructive companion, adapting herself 
 to their different moods and temperaments, 
 leading forth their thoughts beyond them- 
 selves, and raising them above the sordid 
 and vexatious cares of every-day existence, 
 until her voice becomes the music of her 
 home, and her presence the charm that unites 
 the different members of her household in a 
 sacred bond of fellowship and peace. 
 
 The power of conversing well, presents a 
 great temptation to a vain woman to use it 
 for the gratification of her self-complacency. 
 As there are few of the minor circumstances 
 of life more mortifying than to find, that 
 when you speak, no one listens to the end 
 of your story or remark ; so there is no kind 
 of flattery more irresistible than to find that 
 your conversation gathers hearers, more and 
 more ; and women are but too quick to de- 
 tect the interest they excite depicted upon 
 every face. 
 
 There is, however, a wide difference be- 
 tween the moral state of the woman who 
 converses well in company, solely for the 
 sake of obtaining admiration, and of her who 
 converses well for the sake of making the 
 time pass pleasantly or profitably to others. 
 The former will be sure to be found among 
 the gentlemen, especially if she be pleasing in 
 her appearance, and she will have wholly 
 overlooked the neglected or insignificant in- 
 dividuals of her own sex, who may happen 
 to have been present. The other will have 
 sought out the silent stranger the poor rela- 
 tion the plain woman and all the most in- 
 significant or unnoticed persons in the party. 
 Especially she will have devoted herself to 
 her own sex, and afforded to the company 
 that rare, but noble illustration of female be- 
 
 nevolencea fascinating woman in company 
 choosing to make herself agreeable to women. 
 If any action arising from vanity could be 
 either commendable or great, I am disposed 
 to think it would be so, for a woman to show 
 that she could afford to tear herself away 
 from the attentions of men, and devote her 
 powers of pleasing to her own sex. The 
 woman we have described, however, has 
 feelings of a higher order. Her object is to 
 use every gift she possesses for the happiness 
 or the benefit of her fellow-creatures, and 
 her benevolence prompts her to seek out 
 those who are most in need of kindness and 
 consideration. Forgetful of herself, she re 
 gards her ability to please as one of the tal- 
 ents committed to her trust, for the employ- 
 ment of which she must render an account 
 at that awful tribunal where no selfish plea 
 will be admitted. And thus she cultivates 
 the art of conversation for the sake of in- 
 creasing her usefulness, of consoling the dis- 
 tressed, of instructing the ignorant, and of 
 beguiling of half their heaviness the neces- 
 sary cares of life. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS, CONSIDERATION AND KIND- 
 NESS. 
 
 ON entering upon the subject of the do- 
 mestic habits of the women of England, I 
 feel the necessity of bearing in mind that all 
 individuals in the middle class of society, 
 and even all who are connected with trade, 
 are by no means under the same obligations 
 to regard their own personal exertions as a 
 duty. So far from this, there are unques- 
 tionably many in this class who would be 
 entirely out of their province, were they to 
 ngage in the manual occupations of their 
 families and households. The possession of 
 wealth has placed them, in these respects, on 
 the same footing with the nobility, and they 
 have, without doubt, an equal right to enjoy 
 the luxuries which wealth can procure. I
 
 54 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 am, however, no less convinced that the ab- 
 sence of all necessity for personal exertion is 
 a disadvantage to them, and that their hap- 
 piness would be increased, if their situations 
 in life were such as to present more impera- 
 tive claims upon their individual services. 
 
 The virtue of consideratencss refers strictly 
 to the characters and circumstances of those 
 around us. From the mistress of half a dozen 
 servants, therefore, the same kind of consid- 
 eration can never be required, as from the 
 mistress of one : nor can the lady of a man- 
 sion, even though her husband should be en- 
 gaged in trade, feel herself called to the same 
 duties as the farmer's wife. 
 
 The considerateness I shall attempt to de- 
 fine is one of the highest recommendations 
 the female character can possess ; because it 
 combines an habitual examination of our own 
 situation and responsibilities, with a quick 
 discernment of the character and feelings of 
 those around us, and a benevolent desire to 
 afford them as much pleasure, and spare 
 them as much pain, as we can. A consider- 
 ate woman therefore, whether surrounded 
 by all appliances and means of personal en- 
 joyment, or depending upon the use of her 
 own hands for the daily comforts of life, will 
 look around her, and consider what is due to 
 those whom Providance has placed -within 
 ie sphera of her influence. 
 
 The man who voluntarily undertakes a 
 difficult and responsible business, first in- 
 quires how it is to be conducted so as best 
 to ensure success: so the serious and 
 thoughtful woman, on entering upon the du- 
 | ties of domestic life, ascertains, by reflection 
 and observation, in what manner they may 
 be performed so as to render them most con- 
 ducive to the great end she has in view, the 
 promotion of the happiness of others ; and 
 as the man engaged in business does not run 
 hither and thither, simply to make a show of 
 alacrity, neither does the woman engaged in 
 a higher and more important work, allow 
 herself to be satisfied with her own willing- 
 ness to do her duty without a diligent and 
 persevering investigation of what are the 
 most effectual means by which it can be done. 
 
 Women are almost universally admonished 
 of their duties in general terms, and hence 
 they labor under great disadvantages. They 
 are told to be virtuous ; and in order to be 
 so, they are advised to be kind and modest, 
 orderly and discreet But few teachers, and 
 fewer writers, condescend to take up the mi- 
 nutiae of every-day existence, so far as to ex- 
 plain in what distinct and individual actions 
 such kindness, modesty, order, and discretion 
 consist Indeed, the cases themselves upon 
 which these principles of right conduct are 
 generally brought to bear, are so minute, and 
 so apparently insignificant, that the writer 
 who takes up this subject must not only be 
 content to sacrifice all the dignity of author- 
 ship, but must submit occasionally to a smile 
 of contempt for having filled a book with 
 trifles. 
 
 In order, however, to ascertain the real im- 
 portance of any point of merit, we should take 
 into consideration its direct opposite. We 
 never know the value of true kindness, so 
 much as when contrasted with unkindness ; 
 and lest any one should think lightly of the 
 virtue of consideration as a moral faculty, let 
 us turn our attention to the character and 
 habits of a woman who is without it Such 
 are not difficult to find, and w& find them often 
 in the lovely, and the seemingly amiable crea- 
 tures of impulse, who rush about, with the 
 impetus of the moment operating as their 
 plea, uncontrollable affection their excuse, and 
 selfishness, unknown to them, the moving 
 spring at the bottom of their hearts. These 
 individuals believe themselves to be so entirely 
 governed by amiable feelings, that they not 
 unfrequently boast of being kind nay, too, 
 kind-hearted: but upon whom does their 
 kindness tell, except upon themselves ? It is 
 true, they feel the impulse to be kind, and 
 this impulse they gratify by allowing it to 
 operate in any way that circumstances, or 
 their own caprice, may point out Yet, after 
 all, how often is their kindness, for want of 
 consideration, rendered wholly unavailable 
 towards the promotion of any laudable or 
 useful purpose ! 
 
 Nor is this all. Want of consideration is
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 55 
 
 often the occasion of absolute pain : and those 
 who, because they deem it a recommendation 
 to act from the impulse of the moment, will 
 not take the trouble to reflect, are always, in a 
 greater or less degree, liable to inflict misery 
 upon others. 
 
 I remember walking home on a beautiful 
 summer's evening, with one of these lovely 
 and impetuous creatures, who was then just 
 entering upon all the rights and privileges of 
 a belle, and, to my great surprise, observing 
 that she trod indiscriminately upon all the 
 creeping things which the damp and the dew 
 had tempted forth in our path, I remonstra- 
 ted with her, of course ; but she turned to me 
 with her bewitching air of naivete, and said 
 " And pray, why may I not tread upon the 
 snails?" Further remonstrance was unne- 
 cessary, for the mind which had attained ma- 
 turity without feeling enough to prevent this 
 reckless and disgusting waste of life, must of 
 necessity have been impervious to reason. 
 
 And thus it is with considerateness in gen- 
 eral. If the season of youth glides over be- 
 fore habits of consideration are acquired, they 
 will come tardily, and with little grace, in 
 after life. Want of consideration for those of 
 our fellow-creatures whose love is of import- 
 ance to us, is not, however, a subject upon 
 which we have so much cause for complaint 
 Jt is towards those to whom we are connect- 
 ed by social ties, without affection and under 
 this head, the situation of our servants and 
 domesf cs claims the greatest care. 
 
 Servants are generally looked upon, by 
 thoughtless young ladies, as a sort of house- 
 hold machinery, and when that machinery is 
 of sufficient extent to operate upon every 
 branch of the establishment, there can be no 
 reason why it should not be brought into ex- 
 ercise, and kept in motion to any extent that 
 may not be injurious. This machinery, how- 
 ever, is composed of individuals possessing 
 hearts as susceptible of certain kinds of feel- 
 ing, as those of the more privileged beings to 
 whose comfort and convenience it is their 
 daily business to minister. They know and 
 feel that their lot in this world is compara- 
 tively hard : and if they are happily free from 
 
 all presumptuous questionings of the wisdom 
 and justice of Providence in placing them 
 where they are, they are alive to the convic- 
 tion that the burden of each day is suffi- 
 cient, and often more than sufficient for their 
 strength. 
 
 In speaking of the obligation we are under 
 to our domestics for their faithful services, it 
 is no uncommon thing to be answered by this 
 unmeaning remark ; " They are well paid for 
 what they do :" as if the bare fact of receiv- 
 ing food and clothing for their daily labor, 
 placed them on the same footing with regard 
 to comfort, as those who receive their food 
 and clothing for doing nothing. 
 
 There is also another point of view in which 
 this class of our fellow-creatures is very un- 
 fairly judged. Servants are required to have 
 no faults. It is by no means uncommon to 
 find the mistress of a family, who has enjoy- 
 ed all the advantages of moral and even re- 
 ligious education, allowing herself to exhibit 
 the most unqualified excess of indignation at 
 the petty faults of a servant, who has never 
 enjoyed either ; and to hear her speak as if 
 she was injured, imposed upon, insulted be- 
 fore her family, because the servant, who was 
 engaged to work for her, had been betrayed 
 into impertinence by a system of reproof as 
 much at variance with Christian meekness, 
 as the retort it was so well calculated to pro- 
 voke. 
 
 Women of such habits, would perhaps be 
 a little surprised, if told, that when a lady de- 
 scends from her own proper station, to speak 
 in an irritating or injurious manner to a ser- 
 vant, she is herself guilty of impertinence, and 
 that no domestic of honest and upright spirit 
 will feel that such treatment ought to be sub- 
 mitted to. 
 
 On the other hand, there is a degree of 
 kindness blended with dignity, which servants, 
 who are not absolutely depraved, are able to 
 appreciate ; and the slight effort required to 
 obtain their confidence, is almost invariably 
 repaid by a double share of affectionate and 
 faithful service. 
 
 The situation of living unloved by their do- 
 mestics is one which I should hope there are
 
 M 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 few women capable of enduring with indiffer- 
 ence. The cold attentions rendered without 
 affection, and curtailed by every allowable 
 means, the short unqualified reply to every 
 question, the averted look, the privilege stolen 
 rather than solicited, the secret murmur that 
 is able to make itself understood without the 
 use of words all these are parts of a system 
 of behavior that chills the very soul, and forces 
 upon the mind the unwelcome conviction, 
 that a stranger who partakes not in our com- 
 mon lot, is within our domestic circle ; or that 
 an alien who enters not into the sphere of our 
 home associations, attends upon our social 
 board ; nay, so forcible is the impression, as 
 almost to extend to a feeling that an enemy 
 is among the members of our own house- 
 hold. 
 
 How different is the impression produced 
 by a manner calculated both to win their 
 confidence and inspire their respect! The 
 kind welcome after absence, the watchful eye, 
 the anticipation of every wish, the thousand 
 little attentions and acts of service beyond 
 what are noted in the bond who can resist 
 the influence of these upon the heart, and not 
 desire to pay them back not certainly in their 
 own kind and measure, but in the only way 
 they can be returned consistenly with the rel- 
 ative duties of both parties in kindness and 
 consideration ] 
 
 It is not, however, in seasons of health and 
 prosperity, that this bond between the differ- 
 ent members of a family can be felt in its full 
 force. There is no woman so happily cir- 
 cumstanced, but that she finds some link bro- 
 ken in the charm which binds her to this 
 world some shadow cast upon her earthly 
 pictures. The best beloved are not always 
 those who love the best; and expectation 
 will exceed reality, even in the most favored 
 tot. There are hours of sadness that will 
 steal in, even upon the sunny prime of life ; 
 and they are not felt the less, because it is 
 sometimes impossible to communicate the rea- 
 son for such sadness to those who are them- 
 selves the cause. In such cases, and while 
 the heart is in some degree estranged from 
 natural and familiar fellowship, we are thrown 
 
 more especially upon the kindness and affec- 
 tion of our domestics for the consolation we 
 feel it impossible to live without They may 
 be, and they ought to be, wholly unacquainted 
 with the cause of our disquietude ; but a 
 faithfully attached servant, without presuming 
 beyond her proper sphere, is quick to discern 
 the tearful eye, the gloomy brow, the coun- 
 tenance depressed ; and it is at such times 
 that their kindness, solicitude, and delicate 
 attentions, might often put to shame the higher 
 pretensions of superior refinement 
 
 In cases of illness or death, it is perhaps 
 more especially their merit to prove, by their 
 indefatigable and unrequited assiduities, how 
 much they make the interest of the family 
 their own, and how great is their anxiety to 
 remove all lighter causes of annoyance from 
 interference with the greater affliction in 
 which those around them are involved. 
 There is scarcely a more pitiable object in 
 creation than a helpless invalid left entirely to 
 the care of domestics whose affection never 
 has been sought or won. But, on the other 
 hand, the readiness with which they will some- 
 times sacrifice their needful rest, and that, 
 night after night, to watch the feverish slum- 
 bers of a fretful invalid, is one of those re- 
 deeming features in the aspect of human na- 
 ture which it is impossible to regard without 
 feelings of admiration and gratitude. 
 
 The question necessarily follows, how are 
 our domestics to be won over to this confi- 
 dence and affection? It comes not by na- 
 ture, for no tie, except what necessarily im- 
 plies authority and subjection, exists between 
 us. It cannot come by mutual acts of service, 
 because the relation between us is of such a 
 nature as to place the services almost entire- 
 ly on their side, the benefits derived from 
 such services, on ours. It comes, then, by 
 instances of consideration, showing that we 
 have their interests at heart in the same de- 
 gree that we expect them to have ours. We 
 cannot actually do much for them, because it 
 would be out of our province, and a means 
 of removing them out of theirs ; but we can 
 think and feel for them, and thus lighten or 
 add weight to their burdens, by the manner
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 57 
 
 in which our most trifling and familiar actions 
 are performed. 
 
 In a foregoing chapter, I have ventured a 
 few hints on the subject of manners, chiefly 
 as regards their influence among those who 
 meet us upon equal terms in the social affairs 
 of life. The influence of the manner we 
 choose to adopt in our intercourse with ser- 
 vants, is of such importance as to deserve fur- 
 ther notice than the nature of this work will 
 allow. 
 
 There is a phenomenon sometimes witness- 
 ed at the head of a well-appointed table, from 
 which many besides myself have no doubt 
 started with astonishment and disgust A 
 well-dressed, well-educated lady, attired in the 
 most becoming and fashionable costume, is 
 engaged in conversing with her friends, press- 
 ing them to partake of her well-flavored vi- 
 ands, and looking and speaking with the 
 blandest smiles ; when suddenly one of the 
 servants is beckoned towards her, and with 
 an instantaneous expression of countenance, 
 in which is concealed the passion and the im- 
 periousness of a whole lifetime, he is admon- 
 ished of his duty in sharp whispers that seem 
 to hiss like lightning in his ears. The lady 
 then turns round to her guests, is again array- 
 ed in smiles, and prepared again to talk 
 sweetly of the sympathies and amiabilities of 
 our common nature. 
 
 There is, it must be confessed, a most ob- 
 jectionable manner which blends familiarity 
 with confidence ; and this ought to be guard- 
 ed against as much in reproof as in commen- 
 dation ; for it cannot be expected that a mis- 
 tress who reproves her servant with coarse- 
 ness and vulgarity, will be treated with much 
 delicacy in return. The consideration I would 
 recommend, so far from inviting familiarity, 
 is necessarily connected with true dignity, be- 
 cause it implies in the most undeviating man- 
 ner, a strict regard to the relative position of 
 both parties. Let us see then in what it con- 
 sists, or rather let us place it in a stronger 
 light by pointing out instances in which the 
 absence of it is most generally felt 
 
 There are many young ladies, and some old 
 ones, with whom the patronage of pets appears 
 
 to be an essential part of happiness ; and these 
 pets, as various as the tastes they gratify, are 
 all alike in one particular they are all trouble- 
 some. If a lady engages her servants with 
 an understanding that they are to wait upon 
 her domestic animals, no one can accuse her 
 of injustice. But if, with barely a sufficient 
 number of domestics to perform the necessa- 
 ry labor of her household, she establishes a 
 menagerie, and expects the hard-working ser- 
 vants to undertake the additional duty of 
 waiting upon her pets perhaps the most re- 
 pulsive creatures in existence to them such 
 additional service ought at least to be solicit- 
 ed as a favor ; and she will have no right to 
 feel indignant, should the favor be sometimes 
 granted in a manner neither gracious nor con- 
 ciliating. 
 
 When a servant who has been all day la- 
 boring hard to give an aspect of comfort and 
 cleanliness to the particular department com- 
 mitted to her care, sees the young ladies of 
 the family come home from their daily walk, 
 and, never dreaming of her, or her hard la- 
 bor, trample over the hall and, stairs without 
 stopping to rid themselves of that encum- 
 brance of clay, which a fanciful writer has 
 classed among the "miseries of human life," 
 is it to be expected that the servant who sees 
 this should be so far uninfluenced by the pas- 
 sions of humanity, as not to feel the stirrings 
 of rage and resentment in her bosom 1 And 
 when this particular act is repeated every 
 day, and followed up by others of the same 
 description, the frequently recurring sensa- 
 tions of rage and resentment, so naturally ex- 
 cited, will strengthen into those of habitual dis- 
 like, and produce that cold service and grudg- 
 ing kindness which has already been described. 
 
 There are thousands of little acts of this de- 
 scription, such as ordering the tired servants 
 at an unseasonable hour to prepare an early 
 breakfast, and then not being ready yourself 
 before the usual time being habitually too 
 late for dinner, without any sufficient reason, 
 and having a second dinner served up ring- 
 ing the bell for the servant to leave her washing, 
 cooking, or cleaning, and come up to you to re- 
 ceive orders to fetch your thimble or scissors,
 
 58 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 from the highest apartment in the house all 
 which need no comment ; and surely those 
 servants must be more than human who can 
 experience the effects of such a system of 
 behavior, carried on for days, months, and 
 years, and not feel, and feel bitterly, that they 
 are themselves regarded as mere machines, 
 while their comfort and convenience is as 
 much left out of calculation, as if they were 
 nothing more. 
 
 It is an easy thing, on entering a family, to 
 ascertain whether the female members of it 
 are, or are not, considerate. Where they are 
 not, there exists, as a necessary consequence, 
 a constant series of murmurings, pleadings, 
 remonstrances, and attempted justificationsi 
 which sadly mar the happiness of fti house- 
 hold. On the other hand, where the female 
 members of the family are considerate, there 
 is a secret spring of sympathy linking all 
 hearts together, as if they were moved by a 
 simultaneous impulse of kindness on one side, 
 and gratitude on the other. Few words have 
 need to be spoken, few professions to be made, 
 for each is hourly discovering that- they have 
 been the subject of affectionate solicitude, and 
 they are consequently on the watch for every 
 opportunity to make an adequate return. If 
 the brother comes home sad or weary, the 
 sister to whom he has pledged himself to 
 ome jxertion, detects the languor of his eye, 
 and refrains from pr3ssing upon him a fulfil- 
 ment of his promise; if the sister is laboring 
 under depression, the brother feels himself es- 
 pecially called upon to stand forward as her 
 friend ; and if one of the family be suffering 
 even slightly from indisposition, there are 
 watchful eyes around, and the excursion is 
 cheerfully given up by one, the party by an- 
 other, and a quiet social evening is unani- 
 mously agreed upon to be spent at home, and 
 agreed upon in such a way as that the inva- 
 lid shall never suspect it has been done at 
 the cost of any pleasure. 
 
 There is no proof of affection more kindly 
 prompted and more gratefully received, than 
 that of easily detecting uncomplained-of in- 
 disposition. We might almost single out this 
 faculty as the surest test of love for who 
 
 observes the incipient wrinkle on a stranger's 
 brow, or marks the gradually increasing pale- 
 ness of an unloved cheek 7 Or what can 
 convince us more effectually that we are in 
 a world of strangers, to whom our interests 
 are as nothing, than to be pressed on every 
 hand to do what our bodily strength is une- 
 qual to. 
 
 There are points of consideration in which 
 we often practice great self-deception. " Don't 
 you think it would do you good, my dear ]" 
 asks the young lady of her sickly sister, when 
 the day of promised pleasure is at hand, and 
 she begins to fear her sister's cough will ren- 
 der it impossible to go from home. "The 
 pain in your foot, my love, is considerably 
 better," says the wife to her husband, when 
 she thinks the fashionables are about leaving 
 Bath. "You are looking extremely well," 
 says the niece to her aged uncle, who has 
 promised to take her to Paris; "I think I 
 never saw you look so well." But all this is 
 not love. It does not feel like love to the 
 parties addressed ; for nature is true to her- 
 self, and she will betray the secrets of art 
 How different are the workings of that deep 
 and earnest affection that sees with one 
 glance how unreasonable it would be to drag 
 forth the invalid to any participation in the 
 enjoyments of health ; and how welcome is 
 tha gentle Trhisper which assures us that one 
 watchful eye perceives our suffering, one 
 sympathizing ear participates in our weak- 
 ness and distress ; for it ts distress to be 
 compelled to complain that we are unequal 
 to do what the happiness of others depends 
 upon our doing ; and never is the voice of 
 friendship employed in a more kindly office, 
 than when pleading the cause of our in- 
 firmity. 
 
 It is chiefly with regard to the two sister 
 virtues of consideration and kindness, that I 
 look upon the women of England as so highly 
 privileged ; because the nature of their social 
 and domestic circumstances is such, as to 
 afford them constantly-recurring opportuni- 
 ties of proving that they think often and 
 kindly of others, without any departure from 
 the wonted routine of their conduct, that
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 59 
 
 might wear the character of a pointed appli- 
 cation of such feelings. 
 
 It has a startling, and by no means an 
 agreeable effect upon the mind, when a wo- 
 man who is not habitually accustomed to any 
 sort of practical kindness, so far deviates from 
 her usual line of conduct, as to perform any 
 personal service solely for ourselves. We 
 feel that she has been troubled, and suspect 
 that she has been annoyed. But women ac- 
 customed to practical duties are able to turn 
 the whole tide of their affectionate solicitude 
 into channels so wholesome and salutary, 
 that our pride is not wounded by the obliga- 
 tion under which we are placed, nor is our 
 sense of gratitude impaired by the pain of 
 being singled out as the object of unwonted 
 and elaborate attentions. 
 
 In order to illustrate the subject by a fa- 
 miliar instance, let us imagine one of those 
 events experienced by all who have lived to 
 years of maturity, and experienced in such 
 a way as to have thrown them in a peculiar 
 manner upon the 'domestic comforts of the 
 circle to which they were introduced the 
 arrival, after long travel, on a visit to an early 
 and highly valued friend. 
 
 It is not necessary to this picture, that park 
 gates should be thrown open, and footmen 
 stationed on the steps of the hall ; it will bet- 
 ter serve our purpose, that the mistress of 
 the house should herself be the first to meet 
 her guest, with that genuine welcome in her 
 looks and manner that leaves nothing to be 
 expressed by words. We will suppose that 
 with her own hand she displaces all the en- 
 cumbrance of extra wrappings, rendered ne- 
 cessary by the winter's journey, and having 
 quietly dismissed the expectant chaise-driver 
 or porter, she leads her friend into the neatly 
 furnished parlor, where another and a more 
 familiar welcome seems at once to throw 
 open her heart and her house for her recep- 
 tion. A fire that has been designedly built 
 up, is then most energetically stirred, until a 
 bright and genial blaze diffuses its light around 
 the room, and the guest begins to glow with 
 the two-fold warmth of a welcome and a 
 winter's fire. 
 
 In the mean time, the servant, well taught 
 in the mysteries of hospitality, conveys the 
 luggage up stairs unseen, and the guest is 
 led to the chamber appointed for her nightly 
 rest There, most especially, is both seen 
 and felt the kind feeling that has taken into 
 account her peculiar tastes, and anticipated 
 all her well-remembered wishes. The east 
 or the west apartment has been chosen, ac- 
 cording to the preference she has been known 
 to express in days long since gone by, when 
 she and her friend were girls together ; and 
 thus the chain of fond and cherished recol- 
 lections is made to appear again unbroken 
 after the lapee of years, and a conviction is 
 silently impressed upon the mind of the trav- 
 eller perhaps the most welcome of all earthly 
 sources of assurances that we have been 
 remembered, not merely in the abstract but 
 that through long, long years of change and 
 separation, time has not obliterated from the 
 mind of a dear friend, the slightest trace of 
 our individuality. 
 
 Perhaps none can tell until they have ar- 
 rived at middle age, what is in reality the 
 essential sweetness of this conviction. In our 
 association with the world, we may have ob- 
 tained for our industry, our usefulness, or it 
 may be for our talents, a measure of approval 
 at least commensurate with our deserts ; but 
 give back to the worn and the weary in this 
 world's warfare, the friends of their early 
 youth the friends who loved them, faults 
 and all the friends who could note down 
 their very follies without contempt, and who 
 attached a degree of interest and importance 
 to the trifling peculiarities of their temper 
 and feelings, which rendered them indelible 
 memorials of an attachment, such as never 
 can be formed in after life. 
 
 To return from this digression. The Eng- 
 lish woman, in the unsophisticated beauty of 
 her character, has a power far surpassing 
 what can be attained by the most scrupulous 
 observance of the rules of art, of thus invest- 
 ing her familiar and social actions with a 
 charm that goes directly to the heart. 
 
 We have traced the traveller to the cham- 
 ber of her rest, and it is not in the choice of
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 this room alone, but in its furniture and gen- 
 eral aspect, that she reads the cheering truth 
 of a superintending care having been exer- 
 cised over all it contains, in strict reference 
 to herselft not merely as an honored guest, 
 but as a lover of this or that small article of 
 comfort or convenience, which in the world 
 of comparative strangers among whom she 
 has been living, she has seldom thought it 
 worth her while to stipulate for, and still less 
 frequently has had referred to her choice. 
 
 Now, it is evident that the mistress of the 
 house herself must have been here. With 
 her own hand she must have placed upon 
 the table the favorite toilet-cushion, worked 
 by a friend who was alike dear to herself and 
 her guest With her own hand she must 
 have selected the snow-white linen, and laid 
 out, not in conspicuous obtrusiveness, a few 
 volumes calculated for the hours of silent 
 meditation, when her friend shall be alone. 
 
 It is impossible that the services of the 
 most faithful domestic should be able to con- 
 vey half the heartfelt meaning indicated by 
 these few familiar acts, so richly worth their 
 cost It is not from the circumstance of 
 having all our wants supplied, that the most 
 lively satisfaction is derived ; it is from the 
 cheering fact that we ourselves, in our indi- 
 vidual capacity, have been the object of so 
 much faithful recollection and untiring love. 
 
 Instead therefore of regarding it as a sub- 
 ject for murmuring and complaint, that her 
 means of personal indulgence do not supply 
 her with a greater number of domestics, the 
 true English woman ought rather to esteem 
 it a privilege that her station in life is such as 
 to place her in the way of imparting this ra- 
 tional and refined enjoyment 
 
 We cannot imagine the first day of hospi- 
 table welcome complete without our visitor 
 being introduced to that concatenation of 
 comforts an early tea. On descending from 
 her chamber, then, she finds all things in 
 readiness for this grateful and refreshing 
 meal. Her attention is not distracted by 
 apologies for what is not there, but what, on 
 such occasions, frequently might have been, 
 at the cost of half the effort required for an 
 
 elaborate excuse. As if the fairy order had 
 been at work, the table is spread with all 
 things most agreeable after weary travel ; 
 and the guest, instead of being pressed to eat 
 with such assiduity that she begins to think 
 her visit has no other object, is only inter- 
 rupted by kind inquiries relating to home as- 
 sociations, and is beguiled into a prolonga- 
 tion of her meal, by being drawn out into a 
 detail of the events of her journey. 
 
 As the evening passes on, their conversa- 
 tion becomes more intimate, and while it 
 deepens in interest, that full expansion of the 
 soul takes place, under which, whatever 
 English women may be in the superficial in- 
 tercourse of polished life, I have no scruple 
 in saying, that as fireside companions, they 
 are the most delightful upon earth. There 
 are such vivid imaginings, and such touches 
 of native humor, such deep well-springs of 
 feeling, beyond their placid exterior ; that 
 when they dare to come forth, and throw 
 themselves upon the charity or affection of 
 their hearers, one is beguiled into a fascina- 
 tion the more intense, because it combines 
 originality of thought with gentle manners, 
 and in a peculiar and forcible way invests 
 the cherished recollections of the past, with 
 the fresh warm coloring of the present hour. 
 It is not amidst congregated masses of 
 society, that the true English woman can ex- 
 hibit her native powers of conversation. It 
 It is when two are met together, with per- 
 haps a husband or a brother for a third, and 
 the midnight hour steals on, and yet they 
 take no note of time, for they are opening out 
 their separate store of treasures from the 
 deep of memory, sharing them with each 
 other, and blending all with such bright an- 
 ticipations of the future, as none but a wo- 
 man's imagination can enjoy, with faith in 
 their reality. 
 
 Or, perhaps, they are consulting upon some 
 difficult point of duty, or sympathizing with 
 each other in affliction ; and then, where 
 shall we look but to the English woman for 
 the patient listener, the faithful counsellor, 
 the stanch supporter of each virtuous pur- 
 pose, the keen discerner in points of doubtful
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 61 
 
 merit, and the untiring comforter in every 
 hour of need. 
 
 It would be too tedious, and might to some 
 appear too trifling, were I to trace out the 
 conduct of the being here described, through 
 more of the familiar scenes presented by do- 
 mestic life. It may also be thought by some 
 who know little of women in this capacity, 
 that I am drawing merely from imagination ; 
 others will know that my coloring is true 
 that human life, in some of its obscurest 
 passages, has secrets of moral excellence in 
 the female character, presenting objects as 
 lovely as ever were revealed to the poet's 
 fancy. Alas ! for those whose memory alone 
 supplies them with the materials for this pic- 
 ture who now can only feel that "such 
 things were." 
 
 The charge of trifling is one I should be 
 sorry to incur in writing on a subject so seri- 
 ous as the domestic morals of women ; yet 
 how to enter into a detail sufficiently minnte 
 without, I confess I do not clearly see. I 
 must, therefore, again pause, and ask the 
 reader, in my own defence, of what the ordi- 
 nary life of a woman of the middle class of 
 society is composed, but a mass of trifles, out 
 of which arises the happiness or the misery 
 of a numerous and important portion of the 
 human race! I would also ask, What is a 
 woman who despises trifles ] She may pos- 
 sibly enjoy, with undisputed dignity, a niche 
 in the temple of fame, but she ought never to 
 descend from her marble pedestal, to mingle 
 with the social circle around the living blaze 
 of the domestic hearth. Those quiet, unob- 
 trusive virtues, which are ever the most love- 
 ly in the female character, must necessarily 
 be the most difficult to define. They are so 
 much more felt than seen so much better 
 understood than described that to give them 
 a name would be impossible, and even to 
 portray them in an ideal picture might not 
 perhaps convey to the mind of the beholder 
 any adequate idea of their importance. But, 
 as *in painting a finished picture, the skill of 
 the artist is not only required in the general 
 outline, but is equally requisite in the filling- 
 up, so the perfection of the female character 
 
 is not sufficiently indicated by saying she is 
 possessed of every virtue, unless we point 
 out the individual instances upon which those 
 virtues are brought to bear ; and the mord 
 minute and delicate their aspect, if they are 
 but frequently presented to our notice, the 
 stronger is our conviction that virtuous prin- 
 ciple is the ground-work of the whole. 
 
 With regard to the particular instance al- 
 ready described, the case may perhaps be 
 more clearly illustrated by adding a picture 
 of an opposite description, in order to ascer- 
 tain in what particular points the two cases 
 differ. 
 
 For this purpose, we will imagine a wo- 
 man distinguished by no extreme of charac- 
 ter, receiving her guest under precisely the 
 same circumstances as the one already de- 
 scribed. In this case, the visitor is permitted 
 to see that her hostess has reluctantly laid 
 down her book at the latest possible period 
 of time which politeness would allow ; or, 
 after her guest has remained twenty minutes 
 in a vacant, and by no means inviting par- 
 lor, she comes toiling up from the kitchen, 
 with a countenance that makes it dreadful 
 to be adding to her daily fatigues by placing 
 one's self at her table ; and she answers the 
 usual inquiries of her friend, as to her state 
 of health, with a minute detail of the vari- 
 ous phenomena of a headache with which 
 she has that morning been attacked. The 
 one domestic is then called up and wo be- 
 tide that family, whose daily services, un- 
 practised by its individual members towards 
 each otlier, all emanate from one domestic. 
 
 The one domestic then is ordered, in the 
 hearing of the guest, to take all the luggage 
 up stairs, to bring hot water, towels, soap 
 to turn the carpets run for the best looking- 
 glass and see that tea is ready by the time 
 the friend comes down. The party then as- 
 cend, accompanied by the panting servant, 
 into a room, upon which no kind of care has 
 been bestowed. It may possibly be neat so 
 neat that the guest supposes it never has 
 been, and is not yet intended to be, used. 
 Yes, every thing is in its place ; but a gene- 
 ral blank pervades the whole, and it is not
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 the least of the disappointments experienced 
 by our guest, that she finds no water to re- 
 fresh her aching temples. The mistress of the 
 house is angry at this neglect, and rings the 
 bell. The servant ascends from the kitchen 
 to the highest room, to learn that she must 
 go down again, and return, before half the 
 catalogue of her faults has been told. 
 
 On such errands as this, she is employed 
 until the party descend to the parlor, where 
 the bell is again rung more imperatively, and 
 the tea is ordered to be brought instanter. 
 A | In the mean time, the fire has dwindled to 
 the lowest bar. The mistress looks for coals, 
 but the usual receptacle is empty. She feels 
 as if there were a conspiracy against her. 
 Th ere j s there can be no one to blame but 
 the servant ; and thus her chagrin is allevi- 
 ated by complaints against servants in gene- 
 ral, and her own in particular. With these 
 complaints, and often-repeated apologies, the 
 time is occupied until the appearance of the 
 long-expected meal, when the guest is press- 
 ed to partake of a repast not sweetened by 
 the comments of her hostess, or the harassed 
 and forlorn appearance of an over-worked 
 domestic. 
 
 The mistress of this house may all the 
 while be glad to see her guest, and may really 
 regard her as an intimate and valued friend ; 
 but never having made it an object to prac- 
 tise the domestic virtue of making others 
 happy, she knows not how to convey any 
 better idea of a welcome than by words. 
 She, therefore, sets deliberately to work to 
 describe how happy she esteems herself in 
 receiving so dear a friend wishes some third 
 party were at home hopes to be able to 
 amuse her tells of the parties she has en- 
 gaged for each successive evening brings 
 out a pile of engravings fears her guest is 
 weary and lastly, at a very early hour, rings 
 for the chamber-candlesticks, presuming that 
 her visitor would like to retire. 
 
 It is needless to observe that the generality 
 of visitors do retire upon this hint ; and it is 
 equally needless to add, that the individual 
 here described fails to exhibit the character 
 of the true English woman, whose peculiar 
 
 charm is that of diffusing happiness, without 
 ppearing conspicuously as the agent in its 
 diffusion. It is from the unseen, but active 
 jrinciple of disinterested love, ever working 
 at her heart, that she enters, with a percep- 
 tion as delicate as might be supposed to be- 
 ong to a ministering angel, into the peculiar 
 eelings and tones of character influencing 
 those around her, applying the magical key 
 of sympathy to all they suffer or enjoy, to all 
 they fear or hope, until she becomes identified 
 as it were with their very being, blends her 
 own existence with theirs, and makes her 
 society essential to their highest earthly en- 
 joyment. 
 
 If a heightened degree of earthly enjoyment 
 were all we could expect to obtain, by this 
 ine of conduct, I should still be disposed to 
 think the effect produced would be richly 
 worth our pains. But I must again repeat, 
 that the great aim of a Christian woman will 
 always be, so to make others happy, that 
 their feelings shall be attuned to the recep- 
 tion of better thoughts than those which re- 
 late to mere personal enjoyment so to make 
 others happy, as to win them over to a full 
 perception of the loveliness of those Chris- 
 tian virtues, which her own life and conduct 
 consistently show forth. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS CONSIDERATON AND KIND- 
 NESS. 
 
 THE subject of consideration might be con- 
 tinued to almost any extent, since it seems 
 either to comprehend, or to be closely con- 
 nected with, all that is morally excellent in 
 woman. We shall, however, confine our 
 attention to only a few more of those import- 
 ant branches in which this fertile theme de- 
 mands our serious thought towards those 
 who are beneath us in pecuniary circum- 
 stances, and towards those with whom we 
 are associated in the nearest domestic rela- 
 tions. 
 
 The young and inexperienced having never
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 63 
 
 themselves tasted the cup of adversity, are, 
 n a great measure, excusable for not know- 
 ing how to treat the morbid and susceptible 
 feelings, which the fact of having drank deep- 
 .y of that cup often produces ; nor is it easy 
 to communicate to their minds any idea of 
 the extreme of suffering to which this tone 
 of feeling may extend. Much may be done, 
 however, by cultivating habits of considera- 
 tion, by endeavoring sometimes to identify 
 themselves with those who suffer, by asking 
 how it would be with them if their parents 
 had fallen below what, by the world, is called 
 respectability if they were obliged to seek 
 the means of maintaining themselves if they 
 were admitted into families by sufferance, 
 and only on condition that they should re- 
 main until another home could be found, in 
 which their own hands might minister to their 
 necessities. 
 
 There is no class of beings whose circum- 
 stances altogether are more calculated to call 
 forth our tenderest sympathies, than those 
 delicate females whose fireside comforts are 
 broken up by the adverse turn of their pecu- 
 niary affairs, and who are consequently sent 
 forth to share the lot of families unknown to 
 them, and to throw themselves upon the 
 kindness and consideration of strangers. It 
 is in cases of this kind, especially, that we see 
 the importance of having cultivated the moral 
 faculties, of having instilled into the mind 
 those sound principles of integrity, useful- 
 ness, and moral responsibility, which, in pro- 
 portion as they become the foundation of our 
 familiar and daily conduct, necessarily invest 
 every act of duty with a cheerfulness which 
 cannot fail to be acceptable in the sight of 
 that merciful Creator, who alone is capable 
 of transforming what is irksome or repulsive 
 to the natural feelings, into sources of grati- 
 tude and delight. 
 
 The frequent occurrence of such changes 
 in the pecuniary affairs of English familie 
 as render it necessary for the female mem- 
 bers to be thus circumstanced is, therefore 
 one among the many reasons, why the effects 
 of that false refinement which is gradual!) 
 increasing among the female part of English 
 
 society, should be counteracted by the strenu- 
 ous efforts of the well-wishers of their coun- 
 try ; and high time it is, that all our energies 
 should be roused, not by any means to retard 
 the progress of intellect, but to force along 
 with it the growth of sound principles, and 
 the increase of moral power. 
 
 Persons who are reduced in their pecuniary 
 circumstances are generally judged of as we 
 judge our servants, and those who are born 
 to humble means ; they are required to have 
 no faults, and the public cry is especially di- 
 rected against them, if they evince the least 
 symptom of pride. Indeed, so great is our 
 abhorrence of this particular fault, that we 
 often make even a slight evidence of its ex- 
 istence a plea for the discontinuance of our 
 bounty and our favor. We forget that the 
 pride of the individuals in question has per- 
 haps been ministered to throughout the whole 
 of their former lives, and that they, no more 
 than we, can renounce their soul-besetting 
 sins, as they give up the luxuries they are 
 no longer able to procure. We forget, also, 
 that their circumstances are calculated, in an 
 especial manner, to rouse the lurking evil, 
 even had it never been conspicuous in their 
 characters before. 
 
 The man who floats safely upon the 
 stream of worldly prosperity, with his early 
 companions a little lower than himself* can 
 afford to be gracious and conciliating; but 
 when he begins to sink, and feels the same 
 companions struggling to float past him, and 
 finally leaving him to contend with his diffi- 
 culties, his feelings towards them undergo a 
 total change : he accounts himself an injured 
 man, and becomes a prey to envy, disappoint- 
 ment, and wounded pride. The world's 
 contumely, more grievous than his actual 
 privations, assails his peace of mind; he 
 learns to look for unkindness, and to expect 
 it, even where it does not exist In the 
 stranger's eye he reads contempt and neg- 
 lect; he lives, as it were, surrounded by 
 daggers bleeding at every pore, and wound- 
 ed by every thing with which he comes in 
 contact "How absurd!" is the exclama- 
 tion we hear from the prosperous and incon-
 
 64 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 siderate "how worse than absurd for a 
 man to be feeling in this manner, because he 
 has tot a few hundreds !" And yet men do 
 feel to such a-degree, that nothing but reli- 
 gion can enable them to bear such vicissitudes 
 with calmness and resignation. And even 
 when supported by religion, it has pleased 
 our heavenly Father to accompany these 
 dispensations of his providence, with a de- 
 gree of suffering to which no human mind 
 is insensible. 
 
 It is generally regarded as the extreme of 
 benevolence, if, in oar intercourse with such 
 persons, we treat them exactly as we did in 
 more prosperous days ; and few there are 
 who can at all times withhold expressions 
 equivalent to these : " How unreasonable it 
 is to expect so much attention now ! It is 
 not likely we can ask that family to meet our 
 friends; we should be willing still to notice 
 them in a private way, if they would but be 
 more grateful more considerate." And thus 
 they are allowed to pass away from our 
 social gathering? 1 , to be called upon perhaps 
 occasionally at their own humble abodes, 
 but by no means to be invited in return, lest 
 some of our wealthier friends should detect 
 us in the act of performing the offices of 
 hospitality to a person in a threadbare coat 
 And yet this family may have done nothing 
 worse than thousands are doing every day 
 than even our richest and dearest friends 
 are doing and we may know it all the 
 while. 
 
 It sickens the heart to think of these 
 things, and to reflect how far how very far, 
 even the good and the kind, fall short of that 
 beautiful and heart-touching injunction of 
 our blessed Saviour, " When thou makest a 
 feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, 
 the blind." 
 
 The wealthy and distinguished man, with 
 whom we have but a slight acquaintance, 
 sends his son into our neighborhood on busi- 
 ness or pleasure. We hear of his coming, 
 and persuade ourselves it is but respectful 
 to invite him to be our guest It is at the 
 expense of our domestic comfort that we 
 entertain him but that is nothing. Diffi- 
 
 culties appear on every hand to vanish as 
 soon as they appear ; we even persuade 
 ourselves that a sort of merit attaches to our 
 doing all in our power to accommodate the 
 son of so distinguished a person. 
 
 The poor widow, perhaps our relative, 
 sends her son to town to seek a situation, 
 and we hear of his coming. We knew his 
 mother in more prosperous days. She was 
 a worthy woman then, but her husband died 
 insolvent, and the family necessarily fell 
 away from what they had been. It cannot 
 be at all incumbent upon us to ask such 
 young men as these to our houses. They 
 might come in shoals. Our domestic com- 
 fort would be sacrificed, and it is the duty of 
 every one to maintain the peace and order 
 of their own household. 
 
 Thus the widow's son is allowed to wan- 
 der up and down the streets, to resort to 
 expensive lodging-houses, and to purchase, 
 with the pittance provided by his mother 
 from her slender means, that accommodation 
 which a little Christian hospitality might 
 have spared him. 
 
 We complain that our streets are thronged 
 on the Sabbath-day with troops of idle young 
 men and women, who afford a painful spec- 
 tacle to those who pass them on their way to; 
 public worship. How many of these ap- 
 prentices, and assistants in business are 
 actually driven into the streets from very 
 want of any thing like a hospitable or social 
 home ! 
 
 I am by no means prepared to say, how 
 far true Christian benevolence, acted out 
 towards this class of the community, would; 
 lead us to give up our domestic comfort for 
 their sakes, and for the sake of preserving 
 them from harm; but I do know it would 
 lead us to adopt a very different treatment 
 of them, from that which generally prevails ; 
 and I consider also, that these duties rest 
 especially with women. 
 
 It is not easy for a man who has to fill the 
 office of master to a number of apprentices 
 and assistants during the hours of business, 
 to unbend before them at his own fireside. 
 But a considerate and high-principled wo- 

 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 65 
 
 man, may, without loss of dignity, and cer- 
 tainly without loss of respect, make them 
 feel that she regards it as her duty to be 
 their friend as well as their mistress, and 
 that she looks upon herself as under a sa- 
 cred obligation to advise them in difficulties, 
 to guard their welfare, and promote their 
 comfort, simply because the all-wise Disposer 
 of human affairs has seen meet to place 
 them within the sphere of her influence. 
 
 I have devoted a chapter to the influence 
 of English women. Many chapters might 
 be filled with the duties of tradesmen's 
 wives towards the young people employed 
 in their husbands' affairs, and the responsi- 
 bility attaching to them, for the tone of moral 
 character which such persons exhibit through 
 the whole of their after lives. Of how little 
 value, in this point of view, is the immense 
 variety of accomplishments generally ac- 
 quired at school, compared with the discrimi- 
 nation and tact that would enable a woman 
 to extend her influence among the class of 
 persons here described, and the principle that 
 would lead her to turn such influence to the 
 best account ! How many a mother's heart 
 would be made glad by finding, when her 
 son returned to his home, that he had expe- 
 rienced something of a mother's kindness 
 from his master's wife ; and how many a 
 father would rejoice that his child had been 
 preserved from the temptations of a city life, 
 by the good feeling that was cherished and 
 kept alive at his master's fireside ! 
 
 It is for circumstances such as these, that 
 a large proportion of the young women of 
 England, now undergoing the process of 
 education, have to prepare. Not to imitate 
 the heroines they read of; but to plunge into 
 the actual cares, and duties, and responsi- 
 bilities of every-day existence. They will 
 probably have little time either for drawing 
 or music, may seldom be spoken to in a for- 
 eign tongue, and hardly have any opportuni- 
 ty of displaying half the amount of verbal 
 knowledge with which their memories have 
 been stored. But they w T ill, if they are at all 
 intent upon fulfilling the great end of their 
 existence, have to bethink themselves every 
 
 hour, what is best to be done for the good 
 and the happiness of those around them. 
 For this great and laudable purpose, it is of 
 the highest importance that they should cul- 
 tivate habits of consideration ; for how else 
 can they expect to enter into the states of 
 mind, and modes of feeling of those with 
 whom they associate, so as to render the 
 means they use effectual to the end desired! 
 
 It happens to almost all families, in the 
 middle rank of life in England, that they are 
 directly or remotely connected with relatives 
 whose pecuniary means are much more lim- 
 ited than their own. To these, as well as to 
 persons of recently decayed fortune, it is 
 generally thought highly meritorious to ex- 
 tend the common courtesies of society. It 
 implies no disrespect to this class of individ- 
 uals, to call them poor relations ; since the 
 poor are often brought into a state of whole- 
 some discipline, which eventually places them 
 higher than the rich in the scale of moral 
 worth. The poor relation may possibly have 
 known in very early life what it was to enjoy 
 all the comforts that ample means afford ; 
 but she becomes at last a sort of useful ap- 
 pendage to an uncle's or a brother's family, 
 or is invited by her cousins whenever they 
 happen to be in arrears with their plain- work 
 when one of the family wants nursing 
 through a tedious illness or when they are 
 going abroad, and require some one to over- 
 look the household in their absence. 
 
 The poor relation, in the first place, is 
 shown up stairs into a kind of tolerable attic, 
 where the walls are white-washed, and where 
 a little bed with blue-check curtains is pre- 
 pared for her accommodation. They hope 
 she will not mind sleeping in the attic in- 
 deed they are sure she will not, she is such a 
 dear good creature ; besides, they all like the 
 attic for the view it commands, and mamma 
 says it is the most comfortable room in the 
 house : yet, somehow or other, the young 
 ladies never sleep in the attic themselves; 
 and considering it is the most desirable room 
 in the house, and commands so excellent a 
 view, it is astonishingly seldom occupied. 
 
 The poor relation is then introduced to
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 company without a name is spoken of as 
 the person staying at Mrs. So and So's ; and, 
 alter being told that she need not sit longer 
 than is agreeable to her after meals, is fairly 
 installed into office by being informed, that 
 the south chamber is very warm without a 
 fire, and has a good light too, so that she can 
 see an hour longer there than in any other. 
 Here the different members of the family 
 bring their work for her to do, looking round 
 every time they enter, with a hope that she 
 does not feel cold. From the young lady of 
 twenty years, to the child of three, a demand 
 is made upon her for the supply of all absent 
 buttons, and all broken strings. All the stock- 
 ings hoarded up against her coming are 
 brought to her to be darned all borders to 
 quill all linen to be mended : and this inun- 
 dation of work is the natural consequence of 
 her having shown symptoms of a desire to 
 be generally agreeable ; but if no such desire 
 has been exhibited, wo betide the poor rela- 
 tion who proposes a visit to a rich one, where 
 kindly feeling and habits of consideration have 
 never been cultivated. 
 
 I remember it was very startling to me in 
 my youth, and appeared to me at that time 
 a contradiction in human nature, that, while 
 people had comfortable homes, and were sur- 
 rounded by every thing that could minister 
 to enjoyment, they were often invited out to 
 partake of the enjoyments of their friends, 
 and so pressed to prolong such visits, that it 
 seemed as if their friends could never be 
 weary of their society. But, let the same in- 
 dividuals hare no home, let them be placed 
 in circumstances calculated to render an in- 
 vitation peculiarly acceptable, and it was with 
 difficulty obtained, or not obtained at all. 
 Though in all respects as agreeable as in 
 former days, they were not pressed to stay 
 beyond a very limited period ; and some who 
 had been the most solicitous to enjoy the fa- 
 vor of their company, suddenly found their 
 accommodations eo exceedingly small, that 
 they could not invite any guest to partake of 
 their hospitality. 
 
 But these, my sisters, are disgraceful ways, 
 for woman warm-hearted, generous, noble- 
 
 minded woman, to fall into. From men we 
 expect not all those little niceties of behavior 
 and feeling that would tend" to heal the 
 wounds of adversity. Their necessary pur- 
 suits deprive them of many opportunities of 
 making the unfortunate and afflicted feel, 
 that amidst the wreck of their worldly hopes, 
 they have at least retained some moral dig- 
 nity in the estimation of their friends ; but 
 from woman we do look for some redeeming 
 charities, some tenderness of heart among 
 the sordid avocations and selfish pursuits of 
 this life ; and never do they rise to such true 
 eminence, as when they bestow these chari- 
 ties, and apply this tenderness to the broken 
 in spirit, the neglected, and the desolate, who 
 are incapable of rendering them any return. 
 
 Harassed by the cares and perplexities of 
 a sordid world, and disappointed in the high 
 promise of our early youth ; neglected, per- 
 haps despised where we had hoped to find 
 protection and support in the hour of trial ; 
 driven out from the temples of our soul's idol- 
 atry, it is to woman that we look for the man- 
 tle of charity, to cast over the blighted bosom 
 for the drop of sweetness to mingle with 
 our bitter cup. We stretch our eyes over the 
 wide tumultuous ocean of life, for some spot 
 on which our ark may rest We send forth 
 the raven, and it returns not ; but the gentler 
 dove comes back with the olive-branch, and 
 we hail it as a harbinger of safety and peace. 
 
 Although it must be confessed that women 
 are sometimes too negligent of the tender 
 offices of kindness towards those who have 
 no immediate claim upon their affections, 
 there remains some excuse for this particular 
 species of culpability, in the general usages 
 of society ; and in the example of discreet 
 and prudent persons, who deem it ureafe to 
 deviate in any conspicuous manner from the 
 beaten track of custom. No excuse, how- 
 ever, can be found for those who permit the 
 closer ties of relationship to exist, without 
 endeavoring to weave into the same bond, all 
 the tender sympathies of which the human 
 heart is capable. 
 
 Brothers and sisters are so associated in 
 English homes, as materially to promote each
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 67 
 
 other's happiness, by the habits of kindness 
 and consideration which they cultivate ; and 
 when a strong friendship can be formed be- 
 tween such parties, it is perhaps one of the 
 most faithful and disinterested of any which 
 the aspect of human life presents. A young 
 man of kind and social feelings is often glad 
 to find in his sister, a substitute for what he 
 afterwards ensures more permanently in a 
 wife ; and young women are not backward 
 in returning this affection by a love as con- 
 fiding, and almost as tender as they are capa- 
 ble of feeling. Their intercourse has also the 
 endearing charm of early association, which 
 no later-formed acquaintance can supply. 
 They have shared the sunny hours of child- 
 hood together ; and when the young man 
 goes forth into the world, the love of his sis- 
 ter is like a talisman about his heart. Wo- 
 man, however, must be watchful and studi- 
 ous to establish this intimate connection, and 
 to keep entire the golden cord by which they 
 are thus bound. Affection does not come by 
 relationship alone ; and never yet was the 
 affection of man fully and lastingly engaged 
 by woman, without some means being adopt- 
 ed on her part to increase or preserve his 
 happiness. The childish and most unsatis- 
 factory fondness that means nothing but "I 
 love you," goes but a little way to reach the 
 heart of man ; but let his home be made 
 more comfortable, let his peculiarities of habit 
 and temper be studiously consulted, and so- 
 cial and familiar gratifications provided for 
 his daily use ; and, unless he is ungrateful 
 beyond the common average of mankind, he 
 will be sure to regard the source from whence 
 his comforts flow with extreme complacency, 
 and not unfrequently with affection. 
 
 On the other hand, let the sister possess all 
 that ardor of attachment which young ladies 
 are apt to believe they feel, let her hang 
 about his neck at parting, and bathe his 
 face with her tears ; if she has not taken the 
 trouble to rise and prepare his early meal, 
 but has allowed him to depend upon the 
 servant, or to prepare it for himself; it is 
 very questionable whether that brother could 
 be made to believe in her affection ; and cer- 
 
 tainly he would be far from feeling its value. 
 If, again, they read some interesting volume 
 together, if she lends her willing sympathy, 
 and blends her feelings with his, entering in- 
 to all the trains of thought and recollection 
 which two congenial minds are capable of 
 awakening in each other; and if, after the 
 book is closed, he goes up into his chamber 
 late on the Saturday night, and finds his lin- 
 en unaired, buttonless, and unattended to, 
 with the gloves he had ten times asked to 
 have mended, remaining untouched, where 
 he had left them ; he soon loses the impres- 
 sion of the social hour he had been spending, 
 and wishes, that, instead of an idle sister, he 
 had a faithful and industrious wife. He rea- 
 sons, and reasons rightly, that while his sister 
 is willing to share with him all that is most 
 agreeable to herself, she is by no means will- 
 ing to do for his sake what is not agreeable, 
 and he concludes his argument with the con- 
 viction, that notwithstanding her professions, 
 hers is not true affection. 
 
 I do not mean that sisters ought to be the 
 servants of their brothers, or that they should 
 not, where domestics abound, leave the prac- 
 tical part of these duties to them. All that 
 is wanted is stronger evidence of their 
 watchfulness and their solicitude for their 
 brothers' real comfort. The manner in which 
 this evidence shall be given, must still be left 
 to their judgment, and their circumstances. 
 There are, however, a few simple rules, by 
 which I should suppose all kindly affectioned 
 women would be willing to be guided. No 
 woman in the enjoyment of health should 
 allow her brother to prepare his own meals 
 at any time of the day, if it were possible for 
 her to do it for him. No woman should al- 
 low her brother to put on linen in a state of 
 dilapidation, to wear gloves or stockings in 
 want of mending, or to return home without 
 finding a neat parlor, a place to sit down 
 without asking for it, and a cheerful invita- 
 tion to partake of necessary refreshment. 
 
 All this I believe is often faithfully done, 
 where the brother is a gentlemanly, attract- 
 ive, and prepossessing person in short, a 
 person to be proud of in company, and
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 pleased with in private ; but a brother is a 
 brother still, even where these attractions do 
 not exist ; where the duty is most irksome, 
 the moral responsibility is precisely the same 
 as where it is most pleasing. Besides, who 
 knows what female influence may not effect? 
 It is scarcely probable that a younger brother, 
 treated by his sisters with perpetual con- 
 tempt, almost bordering upon disgust, re- 
 garded as an intolerable bore, and got rid of 
 by every practicable means, will grow up in- 
 to a companionable, interesting, and social 
 man ; or if he should, he would certainly re- 
 serve these qualities for exercise, beyond the 
 circle of his own fireside, and for the benefit 
 of those who could appreciate him better 
 than his sisters. 
 
 The virtue of consideration, in the inter- 
 course of sisters with brothers, is never more 
 felt than in the sacred duty of warning them 
 of moral evil, and encouraging them in moral 
 good. Here we see in an especial manner 
 the advantages arising from habits of per- 
 sonal attention and kindness. A woman 
 who stands aloof from the common offices of 
 domestic usefulness, may very properly ex- 
 tend her advice to a husband, a brother, or a 
 son ; but when she has faithfully pointed out 
 the fault she would correct, she must leave 
 the object of her solicitude, with his wounded 
 self-love unhealed, and his irritated feelings 
 unrelieved. She has done her duty, and the 
 impression most frequently remaining upon 
 the mind of the other party is, either that she 
 has done it in anger, or that it is impossible 
 nhe can love a being of whom she entertains 
 such hard thoughts. 
 
 The sister, who is accustomed to employ 
 her hands in the services of domestic life, is, 
 on these occasions, rich in resources. She 
 feels the pain she has been compelled to give, 
 and calculates how much she has to make 
 up. It is a time for tenfold .effort ; but it 
 must be effort without display. In a gentle 
 and unobtrusive manner, she does some ex- 
 tra service for her brother, choosing what 
 would otherwise be degrading in its own na- 
 ture, in order to prove in the most delicate 
 manner, that though she can see a fault in 
 
 him, she still esteems herself his inferior, and 
 though she is cruel enough to point it out, 
 her love is yet so deep and pure as to sweet- 
 en every service she can render him. 
 
 It is impossible for the human heart to re- 
 sist this kind of evidence, and hence arises 
 the strong influence that women possess 
 over the moral feelings of those with whom 
 they are intimately associated. 
 
 If such, then, be the effect of kindness and 
 consideration upon the heart of man, what 
 must we expect when it operates in all its 
 force and all its sweetness upon that of wo- 
 man. In her intercourse with man, it is im- 
 possible but that woman should feel her own 
 inferiority ; and it is right that it should be 
 so. Yet, feeling this, it is also impossible but 
 that the weight of social and moral duties 
 she is called upon to perform, must, to an 
 unsanctified spirit, at times appear oppres- 
 sive. She has innumerable sources of dis- 
 quietude, too, in which no man can partake ; 
 and from the very weakness and suscepti- 
 bility of her own nature, she has need of 
 sympathies which it would be impossible for 
 him to render. She does not meet him 
 upon equal terms. Her part is to make sac- 
 rifices, in order that his enjoyment may be 
 enhanced. She does this with a willing 
 spirit ; but from error of judgment, or want 
 of consideration, she does it so often without 
 producing any adequate result, and so often 
 without grateful acknowledgment, that her 
 spirit sometimes sinks within her, and she 
 shrinks back from the cares and anxieties of 
 every day, with a feeling that the burden of 
 life is too heavy to be borne. 
 
 Nor is the man to be blamed for this. He 
 knows not half the foolish fears that agitate 
 her breast He could not be made to know, 
 still less to understand, the intensity of her 
 capability of, suffering, from slight, and what 
 to him would appear inadequate causes. 
 But women do know what their sex is formed 
 to suffer ; and for this very reason, there is 
 sometimes a bond existing between sisters, 
 the most endearing, the most pure and disin- 
 terested of any description of affection which 
 this world affords.
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 69 
 
 I am the more inclined to think that the 
 strength of this bond arises chiefly out of 
 their mutual knowledge of each other's ca- 
 pability of receiving pain ; because, in fami- 
 lies whose circumstances are uniformly easy, 
 and who have never known the visitation of 
 any deep affliction, we often see the painful 
 spectacle of sisters forming obstacles to each 
 other in their progress both to temporal and 
 eternal happiness. They seem to think the 
 hey-day of life so unlikely to be clouded, 
 that they can afford, wantonly and perversely, 
 to intercept the sunshine that would other- 
 wise fall upon each other's path ; or to cal- 
 culate so confidently upon the continued 
 smoothness of the stream of time, that they 
 sportively drive each other upon the rocks 
 and the quicksands, which, even in the glad 
 season of youth, will occasionally appear ; 
 while the very fact of knowing each other's 
 weak points of character, while it ought to 
 excite their utmost tenderness, only affords 
 them subjects for tormenting sarcasm, and 
 biting scorn. 
 
 I have heard of hackney-coachmen in a 
 certain highly civilized metropolis, who adopt 
 the cruel practice of lashing a galled or 
 wounded part, if they can find one in the 
 wretched animals they drive ; but I hardly 
 think the practice, abhorrent as it is, de- 
 mands our condemnation more than that of 
 the women who are thus false and cruel to 
 each other who, because they know exactly 
 where to wound, apply the instrument of tor- 
 ture to the mind, unsparingly, and with the 
 worst effect. 
 
 Let us glance hastily over the humiliating 
 supposition that such a propensity does ac- 
 tually exist among women. Let us glance 
 hastily, too, over the long train of minute and 
 irremediable evils which the exercise of such 
 a propensity is calculated to produce the 
 wounded feeling, the imagined injury, the 
 suspicious dread, the bitter retort, and the 
 secretly-cherished revenge. It is not enough 
 for those who practise such habits to say, " I 
 mean no harm : I love my sister, and would 
 do her any signal service in my power." 
 Opportunities of performing signal services 
 
 do not often fall in our way ; but while we 
 wait for these, we have opportunities innu- 
 merable of soothing or irritating the feelings 
 of others, as our own dispositions prompt 
 of repelling or attacking of weaning affec- 
 tion, or of inspiring confidence ; and these 
 ends are easily obtained, by the manner in 
 which we conduct ourselves towards those 
 whom Providence has placed immediately 
 around us. 
 
 So many young women, however, escape 
 the censure here implied, by their self-com- 
 placency on the score of general kindness, 
 that it may, perhaps, be as well to speak 
 more explicitly on this important subject. It 
 is not, then, to direct unkindness that I refer, 
 but to that general absence of kind consider- 
 ation, which produces the same effect. Per- 
 haps one sister is unreasonably elated at the 
 success of some of her plans : and in the 
 midst of her ecstatic joy she finds herself 
 mimicked with all the air of ineffable con- 
 tempt, by another. Perhaps one sister is 
 rather unusually depressed in spirits from 
 some incommunicable cause : the others pre- 
 tend to weep, and make her gravity the sub- 
 ject of their merriment Perhaps, in a mo- 
 ment of extreme embarrassment, she has 
 committed some breach of good breeding, or 
 looked awkward, or spoken foolishly : she 
 finds afterwards that watchful eyes have been 
 upon her, and that her every tone and move- 
 ment have been the subject of ridicule in a little 
 coterie of her sisters and her friends. Above 
 all, perhaps she has gone a little too far in 
 meeting the attentions of the other sex, and 
 a merciless outcry is raised against her, with 
 her sisters at its head. 
 
 Besides all this, there are often the strong 
 wills of both parties set in opposition to each 
 other, with a pertinacity that time itself is 
 unable to subdue. For if, from the necessity 
 of circumstances, one sister has on one occa- 
 sion been compelled to give way, she is only 
 fortified with fresh resolution for the next 
 point of dispute, that she may enjoy her turn 
 of victory and triumph. These disputes are 
 often about the merest trifles in the world, 
 things so entirely worthless and unimportant
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 in themselves, that to find they have been 
 the cause of angry words or bitter feelings, 
 I may well excite our astonishment, at the 
 same time that it ought to teach us fresh 
 lessons of distrust of ourselves, of humility, 
 and watchful care. 
 
 It is in this manner that sisters will some- 
 times embitter their early days, and make 
 what ought to be the bower of repose, a scene 
 of rivalry and strife. But let us change this 
 harsh picture, and turn to the sunnier hours 
 of youthful love, when sisters who have 
 shared one home in childhood, then separa- 
 ted by adverse circumstances, return, after 
 the lapse of years, to enjoy a few brief days 
 of heart-communings beneath the same roof 
 again. How lovely then are the morning 
 hours, when they rise with the sun to length- 
 en out the day ! They seat themselves in 
 the old window, where their little childish 
 bands were wont to pluck the tendrils of the 
 rambling vine. They look out upon the 
 lawn, and it is arrayed in the same green as 
 when they gambolled there. The summer- 
 apple tree, from whence they shook the rosy 
 fruit, has moss upon its boughs; and the 
 spreading ash reminds them they are no 
 longer able to climb its topmost branch. 
 What vicissitudes have they known what 
 change of place and circumstance have they 
 experienced since they planted the small 
 osier that now stands a stately willow by the 
 stream ! We will not ask what cruel neces- 
 sity first drove them separately from this 
 peaceful abode what blight fell on their 
 prospects what ruin on their hopes. Are 
 they not sisters unchanged in their affec- 
 tion 1 and in this very consciousness they 
 have a world of wealth. Where is the keen, 
 contemptuous gaze of satire now 1 Where 
 are the bickerings, the envyings, the words 
 of provocation 1 They would esteem it sac- 
 rilege to profane that place and hour with 
 other thoughts than those of kindness. The 
 mote and the beam have vanished from their 
 eyes; they know each other's faults, but 
 they behold them only to pity and forgive, or 
 speak of them only to correct Each heart 
 is laid bare before the others, and the oil and 
 
 wine are poured in to heal the wounds which 
 the stranger has made. Each has her own 
 store of painful experience to unfold ; and 
 she weeps to find her sister's greater than 
 her own. Each has had her share of insult, 
 coldness, and neglect ; and she is roused to 
 indignation by hearing that her sister has had 
 the same. Self becomes as nothing in com- 
 parison with the intense interest excited by a 
 sister's experience ; and as the secret anxie- 
 ties of each bosom are revealed, fresh floods 
 of tenderness are called forth, and the early 
 bond of childhood, strengthened by vicissi- 
 tudes and matured by time, is woven yet 
 more closely around the hearts of all. Thus 
 they go forth into the world again, strong in 
 the confidence of that unshaken love which 
 formed the sunshine of their childhood, and 
 is now the solace of their riper years. They 
 may weep the tears of the alien in the stran- 
 ger's home, but they look forward to the 
 summer-days of heart-warm confidence, when 
 they shall meet again with the loveliest and 
 the most beloved of all earth's treasures, and 
 the wintry hours pass over them bereft of 
 half their power to blight 
 
 If such be the experience, and such the 
 enjoyments of sisters separated by affliction, 
 what must be the privileged lot of those, 
 who, without any change of fortune, any fall- 
 ing off from the golden promise of early life, 
 or any heart-rending bereavement, learn the 
 happy art of finding their enjoyment in each 
 other, by studying what will make each other 
 happy! There may be faithful friendships 
 formed in after years ; but where a sister is 
 a sister's friend, there can be none so tender, 
 and none so true. For a brother, she may 
 possibly entertain a more romantic attach, 
 ment, because the difference in their circum- 
 stances may afford more to interest their 
 feelings ; but there is one universal point of 
 failure in the friendship that exists between 
 brothers and sisters when a man marries, 
 he finds in his wife all that he valued in his 
 sister, with a more endearing sense of cer- 
 tainty in its possession ; and when a woman 
 marries, she finds all that she needed in the 
 way of friendship and protection, with more

 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 71 
 
 of tenderness, of interest, and identity, than 
 it was possible for her to experience in the 
 affection of her brother. Hence there arises, 
 even in the uncalculating breast of youth, a 
 suspicion that this friendship cannot last : 
 and the breaking up of those establishments 
 in which the sister has regulated the domes- 
 tic affairs of her brother, is often a melancholy 
 proof that the termination of their intimacy 
 ought to have been calculated upon with 
 more certainty than it generally is. 
 
 With sisters the case is widely different. 
 They may seek in vain, through all the high 
 and noble attributes of man, for that which 
 is to be found alone in the true heart of wo- 
 man ; and, weak themselves, susceptible, de- 
 pendent, and holding their happiness as it 
 were with a sword suspended above their 
 heads, they have need to be faithful to each 
 other. 
 
 No friend in after life can know so well as 
 a sister what is the peculiar and natural bias 
 of the character. Education may change the 
 manners, and circumstances may call new 
 faculties to light ; but the old leaven remains 
 at the heart's core, and a sister knows it well. 
 
 Women often share with other friends en- 
 joyments in which their sisters take no part ; 
 but they have not roamed together over that 
 garden whose very weeds are lovely the 
 fertile and luxuriant garden of childhood ; 
 they have not drank together at that foun- 
 tain whose bubbling waters are ever bright 
 and pure the early fountain of domestic joy ; 
 and the absence of this one charm in their 
 friendship, must necessarily shut them out 
 from participation in a world of associations, 
 more dear, more beautiful, and more endur- 
 ing than the longest after life can supply. I 
 know not how it is with others, but it seems 
 to me, that there never is there never can 
 be, amusement so original, so piquant, and so 
 fraught with glee, as that which is enjoyed 
 among happy sisters at their own fireside, 
 or in their chamber, where one hardly would 
 deny them all their idle hours of laughter 
 and delight. The very circumstances which 
 to one alone would have been a burden of 
 heavy care, when participated in, are nothing; 
 
 and the mere fact of talking over all their 
 daily trials, sets every bosom free to beat and 
 bound with a new life. 
 
 We must not however forget, it is in sea- 
 sons of affliction that we prove the real value 
 of the deep well-spring of a sister's love. 
 Other hands, and hands perhaps as skilful, 
 may smooth our couch in sickness. Other 
 voices may speak words^of kindness in our 
 hour of need, and other eyes may beam upon 
 us with tenderness and love ; but can they 
 ever be like the hands that joined with ours 
 in twining the rosy wreaths of infancy the 
 voices that spoke sweetly to us in the tones 
 of childhood the eyes that gazed with ours, 
 in all the wonder of first dawning thought, 
 abroad upon the beautiful creation, over the 
 earth and sea, the green hills, and the waving 
 woods, and up to the starry heavens, that 
 page of glory too bright for human eye to 
 read? 
 
 No ; there is something in the home-fel- 
 lowship of early life, that we cannot, if we 
 would, shake off in the days of darkness and 
 distress, when sickness clouds the brow, and 
 grief sits heavily upon the heart. It is then 
 that we pine for the faithful hand, the voice 
 that was an echo to our own, and the kin- 
 dred countenance so familiar in our childhood ; 
 and sisters who are kindly affectioned one 
 towards another, are not slow to answer this 
 appeal of nature. Tender and delicate wo- 
 men are not backward to make sacrifices in 
 such a cause. They will hasten upon diffi- 
 cult and dangerous journeys, without feeling 
 the perils they undergo. The anticipated 
 accidents of time and chance have no weight 
 with them, for self is annihilated by the over- 
 whelming power of their affection. Obsta- 
 cles cannot hinder, nor persuasion retard 
 their purpose : a sister suffers, and they es- 
 teem it their highest privilege to assert, in 
 defiance of all opposition, the indisputable 
 claims of a sister's love. They have an in- 
 alienable right to share in her calamity, what- 
 ever it may be, and this right they will not 
 resign to another. 
 
 But what shall stay my pen, when I touch 
 upon this fertile and inexhaustible theme?
 
 72 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 Sisters who have never known the deepest, 
 holiest influence of a sister's love, will not be 
 enabled, from any definition I can offer, to 
 understand the purity, and the refreshing 
 i power of this well-spring of human happiness. 
 Sisters who have known this, will also know 
 that its height and its depth are beyond the 
 power of language to describe ; that it is, in- 
 deed, the love which many waters cannot 
 quench, neither can the floods drown it 
 
 Is it not, then, worth all the cost of the 
 most studious consideration, the most care- 
 ful kindness, to win this treasure, and to make 
 it ours ? to purchase this gem, and to wear 
 it next our hearts ? I have pointed out some 
 of the means by which it may be lost or won : 
 I will now point out the most important rea- 
 sons why it should be cherished with un- 
 ceasing assiduity. 
 
 Sisters have an almost unbounded influ- 
 ence over each other ; and all influence im- 
 plies a proportionate degree of moral respon- 
 sibility. The tone and temper of the human 
 mind must be closely watched, and intimate- 
 ly studied, in order to apply with effect the 
 means of benefit The most zealous endea- 
 vors to do good, may fail for want of oppor- 
 tunity ; but opportunity never can be want- 
 ing to those who share the same domestic 
 hearth, who sit at the same board, and oc- 
 cupy the same chamber of rest There must, 
 with such, be unveilings of the heart before 
 each other. There must be seasons for ad- 
 ministering advice, and for imparting instruc- 
 tion, which the stranger never can command. 
 But without the practice of those habits of 
 kindness and consideration, so earnestly re- 
 commended here, the nearest relative, even 
 the sister, may be placed on the same footing 
 as the stranger, and have no more familiar 
 access to the heart than the mere acquaint- 
 ance. 
 
 It is therefore most important to the true 
 Christian, whose desire is to invite others to 
 a participation in the blessings she enjoys, 
 that f-he should seek to promote the happi- 
 ness of those around her, in such a way as 
 to render them easy and familiar in her pres- 
 ence, and to convince them that she is in 
 
 word and deed their friend. Until this object 
 is attained, little good can be done in the way 
 of influence ; but this secured, innumerable 
 channels are opened, by which an enlighten- 
 ed mind may operate beneficially upon others. 
 
 We will imagine the case of a sister, whose 
 feelings have been recently impressed with 
 the importance of some hitherto unpractised 
 duty, and who, at a loss how to begin with 
 that improvement in her daily conduct which 
 conscience points out as necessary to her 
 peace, shrinks from the notice of the world, 
 abashed at the idea of assuming more than 
 she has been accustomed to maintain. With 
 what fear and trembling will such a one, in 
 her closet or her chamber, at the close of the 
 summer's evening, or by the last glimmer of 
 the winter's fire, when she and het sister 
 share the silent hours of night together, un- 
 fold the burden of her spirit, and reveal the 
 inner workings of her troubled mind ! What 
 should we say of a sister who treated this 
 confidence with treachery, with ridicule or 
 spleen 7 What should we say, but that she 
 deserved to find the heart she has thus in- 
 sulted a sealed book to her forever 1 What 
 should we say, on the other hand, of her 
 who met this confidence with tenderness and 
 respect ] That she enjoyed one of the great- 
 est privileges permitted us in this our imperfect 
 and degraded state, the privilege of imparting 
 consolation and instruction at the same time, 
 and of binding to her bosom the fond affec- 
 tion of a sister, as her comfort and support 
 through all her after years. 
 
 It is a common remark for sisters to make 
 upon each other, that they would have paid 
 some deference to the religious scruple, or the 
 pious wish, had it originated with a more 
 consistent person. They should remember, 
 that there must be a dawning of imperfect 
 light, to usher in the perfect day ; and that 
 he who crushes the first germ of vegetation, 
 commits an act equivalent to that of him who 
 fells the stately tree. They should remem- 
 ber also it is not only the great and public ef- 
 forts of Christian benevolence and charity, 
 that are owned of God, and blessed with his 
 approval ; but that at the hour of midnight,
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 73 
 
 in the secret chamber, when the world takes 
 no cognizance of our actions, His eye beholds 
 them, and his ear is open to detect the slight- 
 est whisper that conveys its blessing or its 
 bane to the heart of a familiar friend. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS, CONSIDERATION AND 
 KINDNESS. 
 
 THERE yet remain some aspects of human 
 life, which it is impossible to pass over with- 
 out the most earnest solicitude, that even if 
 in all other capacities woman should forget 
 her responsibilities, she might remember what 
 is due from her in these. It is, then, to the 
 sacred and inalienable bond between a daugh- 
 ter and her parents, that our attention must 
 now be given. 
 
 It would seem but reasonable to suppose, 
 that as soon as an amiable young woman of 
 even partially enlightened mind, attained that 
 stage of maturity when most rational beings 
 begin to make use of their own powers of 
 observation, she would naturally be led to 
 reflect upon the situation of her mother, to 
 contemplate her character and habits, and to 
 regard with sympathy at least, the daily and 
 hourly fatigues and anxieties which the na- 
 ture of her domestic circumstances renders 
 it necessary for her to undergo. If the young 
 person has brothers or sisters less advanced 
 in life than herself, she cannot fail to observe 
 the assiduity with which all their wants are 
 provided for by maternal care, as well as the 
 self-denial and disinterested love, by which 
 their safety is guarded, and their happiness 
 preserved. 
 
 It is equalty reasonable to suppose, that 
 having such interesting subjects of grateful 
 and affectionate consideration continually 
 present to her eye, and to her mind, the 
 young person would reason thus : " In this 
 manner my mother has watched over me. 
 Through long nights of weariness and ex- 
 haustion she has rocked me in her arms, and 
 
 stilled the sighs of her own bosom, from the 
 fear of disturbing my repose. Not only has 
 she denied herself every amusement and 
 every gratification that would have drawn 
 her away from the sphere of my childish pas- 
 times, but also the wonted recreations neces- 
 sary for the preservation of her health ; until 
 her cheek grew pale, and her step feeble in 
 my service. I was then unable to make any 
 other return than by my infantine caresses ; 
 and often when she was the most weary, or 
 the most enfeebled, my pampered selfishness 
 was the most requiring. Thus I have in- 
 curred a debt of gratitude, for the repayment 
 of which the limit of a natural life will scarce- 
 ly be sufficient The summer of her exist- 
 ence is waning, mine is yet to come. I will 
 so cultivate my feelings, and regulate my 
 habits, as to enjoy the happiness of sharing 
 her domestic burdens, and thus prove to her 
 that I am not unmindful of the benefit I have 
 myself derived from the long-suffering of a 
 mother's love." 
 
 Do we find this to be the prevailing feel- 
 ing among the young ladies of the present 
 day ? Do we find the respected and vener- 
 ated mother so carefully cherished, that she 
 is permitted to sit in perfect peace, the pre- 
 siding genius, as she ought to be, over every 
 department of domestic comfort her cares 
 lightened by participation with her affection- 
 ate daughters, her mind relieved of its bur- 
 dens by their watchful love, herself arrayed 
 in the best attire, as a badge of her retirement 
 from active duty, and smiling as the steps of 
 time glide past her, because she knows that 
 younger feet are walking in her own sweet 
 ways of pleasantness and peace 1 
 
 Is this the picture presented in the present 
 day by the far-famed homes of England] 
 Do we not rather find the mother, the faith- 
 ful and time-worn mother of the family, not 
 only the moving spring of all domestic man- 
 agement, but the actual working power, by 
 which every household plan is carried into 
 practical effect 1 I refer of course to cases 
 where domestics are few, and pecuniary 
 means not over abundant, where we see the 
 mother hastening with anxious solicitude to
 
 74 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 answer every call from every member of the 
 family ; as if her part in the duties of life was 
 not only to have waited upon her children in 
 infancy, but to conduct them to an easy and 
 luxurious old age; in short, to spare their 
 feet from walking, their hands from labor, and 
 their heads from thought 
 
 I know that it is mistaken kindness in the 
 mother to allow herself thus to become a 
 household drudge. I know also that young 
 ladies are easily satisfied with what appears 
 to them a reasonable excuse, that " mamma 
 prefers doing all these tilings herself," that 
 "she is such a dear kind soul, they would 
 not rob her even of the merit of mending 
 their own garments." But let me ask how 
 often she prefers doing these things herself, 
 simply because of their unwillingness to do 
 them; and how their ungracious manner, 
 when they have been asked to relieve her, 
 has wounded her patient spirit, and rendered 
 it less irksome to her to do the hardest man- 
 ual labor, than to ask them again ? Let me 
 remind them also, that there is a habit of 
 doing things so awkwardly, that you will not 
 be likely to be called upon for your services 
 a second time ; and whether by accident or 
 design, I will not presume to say, but some 
 young ladies certainly appear to be great 
 adepts in this method of performing their 
 duties. 
 
 It is a most painful spectacle in families 
 where the mother is the drudge, to see the 
 daughters elegantly dressed, reclining at 
 their ease, with their drawing, their music, 
 their fancy-work, and their light reading ; be- 
 guiling themselves of the lapse of hours, 
 days, and weeks, and never dreaming of 
 their responsibilities ; but, as a necessary 
 consequence of the neglect of duty, growing 
 weary of their useless lives, laying hold of 
 every newly invented stimulant to rouse their 
 drooping energies, and blaming their fate 
 when they dare not blame their God, for 
 having placed them where they are. 
 
 These individuals will often tell you with 
 an air of affected compassion for who can 
 believe it real ? that " poor dear mamma is 
 working herself to death." Yet no sooner 
 
 do you propose that they should assist her, 
 than they declare she is quite in her element 
 in short, that she would never be happy if 
 she had only half as much to do. 
 
 I have before observed, that it is not diffi- 
 cult to ascertain, on entering a family, whether 
 the female members of it are, or are not ac- 
 tuated by habits of kindness and considera- 
 tion ; and in no instance is it more easily 
 detected than in the behavior of the daugh- 
 ters to their mother. We have probably all 
 seen elegant and accomplished young ladies 
 doing the honors of the house to their guests, 
 by spreading before them that lavish profu- 
 sion of books and pictures, with which every 
 table of every drawing-room is, in these mod- 
 ern times, adorned. We have heard them 
 expatiate with taste and enthusiasm upon the 
 works of art, upon the beauties of foreign 
 scenery, and the delights of travelling abroad ; 
 while the mother is simultaneously engaged 
 in superintending the management of the 
 viands about to be spread before the com- 
 pany, or in placing the last leaf of garniture 
 around the dessert, upon which her daugh- 
 ters have never condescended to bestow a 
 thought 
 
 It is easy, in these cases, to see by the anx- 
 ious and perturbed appearance of the mistress 
 of the house, when she does at last appear, 
 that she has no assistance, but that which a 
 very limited number of domestics could ren- 
 der, behind the scenes ; that every variety of 
 the repast which her guests are pressed to 
 partake of, has cost her both trouble to invent 
 and labor to prepare ; and we feel that we 
 are regaling ourselves too much at her ex- 
 pense. 
 
 There is a painful contrast between the 
 care and anxiety depicted on her brow, and 
 the indifference the real or pretended igno- 
 rance with which the young ladies speak, 
 when it is absolutely necessary, of any of 
 those culinary compositions which they re- 
 gard as belonging exclusively to the depart- 
 ment of mothers and servants. If by any 
 possible mischance, the good woman alludes 
 to the flavor of her compounds, wishing, 
 purely for the sake of her guests, that she
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 75 
 
 had added a little more of the salt, or the 
 cinnamon, indications of nausea, accompa- 
 nied by symptoms of indignation and disgust, 
 immediately manifest themselves among the 
 young ladies, and they really wonder what 
 mamma will be absurd enough to say next. 
 
 It is in such families as this, that, not only 
 on days of leisure, but on days when extra 
 services are sure to be wanted in the home 
 department, the daughters always find some 
 pressing call upon their attention out of doors. 
 They have their morning calls to make ; and 
 there is that mysterious shopping to attend 
 to, that never has an end. Indeed, one would 
 almost think, from the frequency with which 
 they resort to some of the most fashionable 
 shops in town, that each of these young 
 ladies had a peculiar taste for the mode of 
 life prevailing in this particular sphere of 
 exertion, were it not for the indignation she 
 manifests at the remotest hint upon the duty 
 of assisting her father in his. 
 
 It is astonishing how duties out of doors 
 accumulate upon persons who are glad of 
 any excuse to escape from those at home. 
 No one can deny the necessity they are un- 
 der of pursuing that course of mental im- 
 provement begun at school ; and there are 
 lectures on every science to be attended, bor- 
 rowed books to be returned, and little coter- 
 ies of studious young people to join in their 
 morning classes. 
 
 It is also curious to observe that these 
 young ladies who can with difficulty be in- 
 duced to move about in their own homes, 
 even to spare their mother's weary feet, who 
 esteem it an act of oppression in her to send 
 them to the highest apartment of the house, 
 and of degradation in themselves to descend 
 to the lowest, it is curious to observe how 
 these regard themselves as under an abso- 
 lute necessity to walk out every day for their 
 health, and how they choose that precise 
 time for walking when their mothers are 
 most busy, and their domestic peace, by a 
 natural consequence, most likely to be in- 
 vaded. 
 
 I would touch, with extreme delicacy, upon 
 another branch of public occupation, because 
 
 I believe it to be entered upon, in innumera- 
 ble instances, with feelings which do honor 
 to humanity, and to that religion, under 
 whose influence alone, such avocations can 
 be faithfully carried on. But I must confess, 
 there appears to me some ground to fear, 
 that the amusement of doing public good, the 
 excitement it produces, and especially the 
 exemption it purchases from domestic re- 
 quirements, has something to do with the 
 zeal evinced by some young females to be 
 employed as instruments in the dissemination 
 of religious knowledge, and the augmentation 
 of funds appropriated to benevolent uses. 
 
 Fearing, however, lest what might assume 
 even the faintest coloring of uncharitableness, 
 should fall from my pen on this delicate but 
 most important subject, I will leave it with 
 the individuals thus engaged, as fitter for 
 their consideration, than for my remark. 
 The world takes cognizance of their actions, 
 and it is perhaps occasionally too lavish in 
 its bestowment of their praises. But the 
 world is a false friend, for it can applaud 
 where there is little real merit, and condemn 
 where there ought to be no blame. 
 
 Let not the really faithful and sincere be 
 hurt by these insinuations. Their cause is 
 beyond the penetration of man, and their real 
 springs of action are known, where alone they 
 can be truly estimated, where alone they can 
 meet with their just reward. 
 
 How different from the feelings called forth 
 by habits such as I have just described, are 
 those with which we take up our abode in a 
 family, where we know that the morning sun 
 has risen upon daughters, who meet its early 
 beams with the cheerful determination, that 
 whatever may be the business of the day, 
 their hands, and not their mother's, shall do 
 the actual work ! Her experience, and her 
 ever-guiding judgment, may direct their la- 
 bors; but she who has so often toiled and 
 watched for them, shall at least enjoy another 
 opportunity of seeing how gladly and how 
 richly they can repay the debt. The first 
 thought that occupies their minds, is, how to 
 guard her precious health. They meet her 
 in the morning with affectionate solicitude,
 
 76 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 and look to see if her cheek has become less 
 pale ; whether her smile is languid, or cheer- 
 ful her step, weary or light. 
 
 I must again repeat, that one of the surest 
 tests of true disinterested love is this readi- 
 ness to detect indisposition. Persons who 
 are in the habit of cherishing antipathies, 
 seldom believe in the minor ailments of those 
 they dislike. These facts render it the more 
 surprising, that daughters should not always 
 see the symptoms of exhausted strength, 
 which too frequently manifest themselves in 
 industrious and care-taking mothers ; that 
 they should not watch with the tenderest 
 anxiety the slightest indication of their valu- 
 able health being liable to decay. Yet so it 
 is, that the mother of a family, who cares for 
 every ailment in her household, is the last to 
 be cared for herself, except in cases affording 
 those beautiful exemplifications of filial duty 
 to which allusion has just been made. 
 
 With daughters who are sensible of the 
 strong claims of a mother's love, no care can 
 be too great, no solicitude too tender, to be- 
 stow upon that beloved parent They know 
 that if deprived of this friend of their infancy 
 this guide of their erring feet the world 
 will be comparatively poor to them : and as 
 the miser guards his hoarded treasure, they 
 guard the life, for which that world would be 
 incapable of supplying a substitute. 
 
 There are few subjects of contemplation 
 more melancholy, than the waste of human 
 love which the aspect of this world presents 
 of deep, tender, untiring, disinterested love, 
 bestowed in such a manner as U> meet no ade- 
 quate return : and what must be the harvest 
 gathered in, to a mother's faithful bosom, 
 when she finds that she has reared up chil- 
 dren who are too refined to share her humble 
 cares, too learned and too clever to waste 
 their talents on a sphere of thought and ac- 
 tion like her own, and too much engaged in 
 the pursuit of intellectual attainments, even 
 to think of her ! 
 
 Yet to whom do we look for consolation 
 when the blight of sickness or sorrow falls 
 upon our earthly peace, but to a mother! 
 And who but a mother is invited to partake 
 
 of our afflictions or our trials? If the stigma 
 of worldly degradation falls upon us, we fly 
 to a mother's love, for that mantle of charity 
 which is denied elsewhere. With more hon- 
 ored and distinguished associates, we may 
 have smiled away the golden hours of life's 
 young prime ; but the bitter tears of experi- 
 ence are wept upon a mother's bosom. We 
 keep for our summer friends the amusing 
 story, the brilliant witticism, or the intellectual 
 discourse ; but we tell to a mother's ear the 
 tale of our distress, and the history of our 
 wrongs. For all that belongs to the weak- 
 ness and the wants of humanity, a mother's 
 affection is sorely taxed ; why then should 
 not daughters have the noble feeling to say 
 before the world, and to let their actions speak 
 the same language, " This is my earliest and 
 my best friend V 
 
 It is true, the mother may be far behind the 
 daughter in the accomplishments of modern 
 education ; she may, perhaps, occasionally 
 betray her ignorance of polite literature, or 
 her want of acquaintance with the customs 
 of polished society. But how can this in 
 any way affect the debt of obligation exist- 
 ing between her daughter and herself? or 
 how can it lessen the validity of her claim to 
 gratitude for services received, and esteem 
 for the faithfulness with which those services 
 have been performed 1 
 
 Let us not believe of the young ladies of 
 the present day that they can for any length- 
 ened period, allow the march of mind to out- 
 run the growth of their kindly feelings. Let 
 us rather hope the time is coming when they 
 will exhibit to the world that beautiful exem- 
 plification of true dignity a high degree of 
 intellectual culture rendered conducive to the 
 happiness of those who claim their deepest 
 gratitude, and their tenderest affection. 
 
 The next view we propose to take of the 
 domestic habits of the women of this favored 
 country, is that of their behavior in the rela- 
 tion between daughters and fathers. 
 
 The affection existing between fathers and 
 daughters, is a favorite theme with writers 
 both of romance and reality ; and the familiar 
 walks of life, we doubt not, are rich in in-
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 77 
 
 stances of this peculiar kind of affection ex- 
 isting in a lovely, and most unquestionable 
 form. Still there are points of view in which 
 this subject, as illustrated by the customs of 
 society in the present day, cannot be con- 
 templated without pain. 
 
 I have often had occasion to speak of the 
 duties of women towards their fathers, broth- 
 ers, husbands, and sons, when engaged in 
 the active pursuits of trade ; and there is an 
 anomaly presented by society of this class in 
 England, which I am particularly anxious to 
 point out to the rising generation. 
 
 There are vast numbers of worthy and in- 
 dustrious men, not only of the young and the 
 middle-aged, but of those who are sinking 
 into the vale of years, who spend almost the 
 whole of their waking lives in scenes and 
 occupations, from which almost every thing 
 in the shape of enjoyment must necessarily 
 be shut out 
 
 In looking into the shops, the warehouses, 
 the offices, and the counting-houses, of our 
 commercial and manufacturing towns, we 
 are struck with the destitution of comfort 
 which everywhere prevails, and we ask, 
 "Are these the abodes of free-born, indepen- 
 dent men 7" 
 
 I should be sorry to be weak enough to 
 suppose that an honest and industrious man 
 may not be just as happy when he treads on 
 boards, as when he treads on Turkey carpets ; 
 yet again, when we begin the early day with 
 such individuals, and see what their occupa- 
 tions actually are, from nine in the morning, 
 often until late in the afternoon or evening, 
 for weeks, and months, and years, with 
 scarcely any respite or relaxation, we natu- 
 rally ask how are the wives and daughters of 
 these men employed 7 For surely if there be 
 a necessity for the father of the family to be 
 situated thus, the kinder and more disinter- 
 ested members of his household must be 
 dwelling in abodes even more uncongenial 
 and revolting than these. It is but reasona- 
 ble to expect that we should find them in 
 apartments less luxurious in their furniture, 
 with windows less pervious to the light of 
 day, their persons perched upon harder stools, 
 
 and altogether accommodated in an inferior 
 manner. And this we are led to expect, 
 simply because it is difficult to believe of 
 generous-hearted women, that they would 
 be willing to enjoy indulgences purchased at 
 the sacrifice of the comfort of those they love, 
 and by the degradation of those whom they 
 look up to as their superiors. 
 
 Perhaps we are told that to man it is no 
 sacrifice to spend his life in these dungeon- 
 like apartments, shut in from the pure air, 
 and compelled to deal with the extreme mi- 
 nutiae of what is neither interesting nor dig- 
 nified in itself that he regards not these tri- 
 fling inconveniences, that he is accustomed 
 to them, and that they are what the world 
 esteems as manly and befitting ; yet on being 
 invited to pay our respects to the ladies of 
 the family, we find ourselves transported into 
 a scene so entirely different from that of his 
 daily toil, that we are led to exclaim, " How 
 opposite must be the tastes of men and wo- 
 men in this sphere of life, in England !" A 
 little more acquaintance with their domestic 
 habits, however, enables us to discover that 
 their tastes are not so different as their cir- 
 cumstances, and that the cares, the anxieties, 
 and the actual labor, which the man is under- 
 going every day, are placing him on a very 
 different footing, with regard to personal com- 
 fort, from the females of his household. 
 
 And how do the women strive to soothe 
 these cares, to relieve these anxieties, and to 
 lighten these labors 1 Do they not often make 
 their own personal expenses extend to the 
 extreme limit that his means will afford ] Do 
 they not dress, and visit, receive visitors, and 
 practise all those elegant accomplishments, 
 which their father's exertions have been tax- 
 ed to pay for. 
 
 I know that the blame does not always rest 
 with the female members of the family, but 
 that men, especially when they first marry, 
 are often pleased to behold their wives array- 
 ed in the most costly habiliments which their 
 means can procure : in addition to this, they 
 believe that their interest in the world is ad- 
 vanced by keeping up a certain degree of 
 costly display, both in dress and furniture.
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 As time advances, however, and their spirits 
 grow less buoyant under the pressure of ac- 
 cumulated cares, especially if these cares have 
 been unproductive of so golden a harvest as 
 they had anticipated, and when daughters are 
 growing up to double nay, to treble their 
 mother's expenditure, by adding all the ima- 
 gined essentials of modern refinement ; the 
 fether then perceives, perhaps too late to re- 
 trieve his ruined circumstances, the error into 
 which he has been led ; and fain would he 
 then, in the midst of his bitter regrets, per- 
 suade his daughters to begin to think and act 
 upon different principles from those which he 
 has himself so thoughtlessly instilled. 
 
 Perhaps the father is sinking into the vale 
 of years, his spirit broken, and some of the 
 growing infirmities of age stealing insidiously 
 upon him. His manly figure begins to stoop, 
 his eye grows dim, and he comes home weary 
 from his daily labor. What a melancholy 
 picture is presented by the image of such a 
 man going forth in public, with his gaily and 
 expensively dressed daughters fluttering by 
 his side ! 
 
 Nor is this all. Let us follow them home. 
 He rises early, wearied and worn as he is, 
 and, snatching a hasty breakfast before his 
 daughters have come down, goes forth to his 
 daily avocations, leaving them to their morn- 
 ing calls, light reading, and fancy-work, until 
 his return. At the close of the day, his step 
 is again heard on the threshold. He has be- 
 gun to feel that the walk is too much for him. 
 Conveyances, in countless numbers, have 
 passed him on his way, but these are not 
 times for him to afford the luxury of riding, 
 for a rival tradesman has just opened a tempt- 
 ing establishment in the neighborhood of his 
 own, and the evils of competition are destroy- 
 ing half his gains. With a jaded look and 
 feeble step, then, he enters his home. He 
 wipes the gathering dew from his wrinkled 
 forehead, sits down with a sigh almost 
 amounting to a groan of despondency, and 
 then looks round upon the well-furnished par- 
 lor, where the ladies of his family spend their 
 idle hours. 
 We will not libel the daughters so far as to 
 
 say, they are guilty of neglect in not inviting 
 him to partake of his evening meal They 
 may even press their kisses on his cheek, and 
 express their welcome in the warmest terms. 
 Supposing they have done all this, and that 
 he is beginning to feel invigorated and re- 
 freshed, perhaps revived a little in his spirit 
 by this evidence of their affection, at length 
 he smiles ; and that smile has been eagerly 
 watched for, as the indication that his heart is 
 warming into generosity. 
 
 Now is the auspicious time : " Papa, dear, 
 have you ever thought again of the silk cloaks 
 you promised us, as soon as Mr. Moody's bill 
 was paid 1 And Emma wants a velvet bon- 
 net this winter. And papa, dear, where did 
 you say we could get the best satin shoes 1" 
 " My love," says the wife, in a graver, and 
 more important tone, " These poor girls are 
 sadly in want of drawing-paper indeed, of 
 pencils, and of every thing belonging to their 
 drawing ; for you know it is of no use having 
 a master to teach 4hem, unless we provide 
 them with the necessary materials. And Isa- 
 bella's music I was positively ashamed to 
 hear her play those old pieces again at Mrs. 
 Melburn's last night" 
 
 We have seen pictures of birds of prey 
 hovering about their dying victim ; but I 
 doubt whether a still more repulsive and mel- 
 ancholy picture might not be made, of a man 
 of business in the decline of b'fe, when he 
 naturally asks for repose, spurred and goaded 
 into fresh exertions, by the artificial wants and 
 insatiable demands of his wife and daugh- 
 ters. 
 
 The root of the evil, I grant to be, not so 
 much in the hard hearts of the individuals 
 here described, as in the system of false re- 
 finement which prevails in this country. But 
 whatever the cause or the remedy may be, 
 those will be happy days for England, when 
 her noble-minded women, despite the preju- 
 dices of early education, shall stand forth be- 
 fore the world, and show that they dare be 
 dutiful daughters rather than ladies of fash- 
 ion ; and that the principles of integrity, gen- 
 erosity, and natural feeling, have taught them 
 never to wish for enjoyment purchased by
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 79 
 
 the sacrifice of a father's health, or a hus- 
 band's peace. 
 
 I know not whether it often occurs to the 
 young, or only to those whose experience has 
 been of longer duration, to make this obser- 
 vation upon human nature that it is not in- 
 tentional offence, or intentional injury, which 
 always inflicts the severest pain. A mother 
 who, by her ill-judged indulgence, fosters in 
 her child a selfish and domineering temper, 
 and thus renders such evil dispositions iden- 
 tified with the very nature of that child, so 
 that it is a stranger to any other principles of 
 action, is as much hurt when, in after life, 
 her child is selfish and domineering towards 
 herself, as if he actually departed from his ac- 
 customed line of conduct, for the purpose of 
 being pointedly unkind to her. In the same 
 way, the father who has brought up his fam- 
 ily in habits of extravagance, when he feels 
 the tide of prosperity turning against him, for- 
 gets that those habits are necessarily stronger 
 than his reasoning, and is wounded to the 
 soul to think that his daughters are not more 
 considerate. Upon the same principle of 
 groundless expectation, we often see well- 
 meaning but injudicious parents taking ex- 
 treme pains to guard their children against 
 one particular error in conduct, or one spe- 
 cies of vice, yet neglecting to lay that only sure 
 foundation of moral conduct which is to be 
 found in religious principle ; and these, again, 
 are shocked to find, as their children advance 
 in life, that all their endeavors have been un- 
 productive of the desired result. Nor must 
 I, while pointing out errors in the behavior 
 of children towards their parents, omit to ob- 
 serve, that if parents would be more solicit- 
 ous to instil into their minds the importance 
 of relative and social duties faithfully per- 
 formed, instead of captiously reproving them 
 for every deviation from the strict line of these 
 duties, they would find themselves more hap- 
 py in their families, more tenderly watched 
 over in sickness and sorrow more cherished 
 and revered in the decline of life. 
 
 Still, though the fault may, in some cases, 
 have been originally with the parents, there 
 is little excuse for daughters, who are of age 
 
 to think and act for themselves. Habit, we 
 know, is proverbially accounted second na- 
 ture ; but we know also, that even our first 
 nature is capable of being changed. 
 
 He who has become subject to a painful 
 and dangerous disease, through the neglect 
 or mismanagement of those who had the 
 care of him in early life, does not content 
 himself with saying it was the maltreatment 
 of his nurse that brought upon him this ca- 
 lamity. If the disease admits of remedy 
 if it even admits of alleviation he is as earn- 
 est in seeking out and applying the proper 
 means of relief, as if he had been the sole 
 cause of his own affliction. And shall we 
 confine our powers of reasoning rightly, and 
 acting promptly, to the promotion of the ben- 
 efit of the body, and leave the immortal mind 
 to suffer for eternity, without applying such 
 remedies as are provided for its use ? 
 
 Whether the evil be in the original taint 
 of our nature, or in the same nature inherent 
 in another form, and operating upon us 
 through the medium of injudicious treat- 
 ment, we stand in precisely the same posi- 
 tion with regard to moral responsibility, and 
 accountability to the Searcher of all human 
 hearts. 
 
 It is right the tender sympathy of our 
 friends should be excited, when we tell them 
 that the faults for which they blame us were 
 fostered and encouraged by the mistaken 
 judgment of our parents in early life ; but 
 there is a tribunal at which this plea will be 
 of little avail, if, while the means of reforma- 
 tion are yet within our reach, we suffer such 
 habits to strengthen and establish themselves 
 as part of our character ; and I would earn- 
 estly recommend to the 'young women of 
 England, that they should rouse themselves, 
 and act upon the first conviction, that the 
 advantages resulting from what is called a 
 finished education, are but so many addition- 
 al talents lent them, for employment in the 
 service of that gracious Father, who has 
 charged his children with the keeping of 
 each other's happiness, and who, when he 
 instituted the parental bond, and filled the 
 mother's heart with love, and touched with
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 tenderness the father's firmer soul, was 
 pleased to appoint them after-years of weak- 
 ness, suffering, and infirmity, when their chil- 
 dren would be able to enjoy the holy privilege 
 of conducting their feeble steps in peace and 
 safety towards the close of their earthly pil- 
 grimage. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS, CONSIDEKATION AND KIND- 
 NESS. 
 
 THAT branch of the subject upon which I 
 am now entering being one of so much im- 
 portance in the sum of human happiness as 
 scarcely to admit of comparison with any 
 other, it might be expected that I should es- 
 pecially direct the attention of the reader to 
 the duties of consideration and kindness in 
 the married state, by entering into the minu- 
 tiae of its especial requirements, and recom- 
 mending them with all the earnestness of 
 emphatic detail, to the serious consideration 
 of the women of England. Happy indeed 
 should I be to do this, did I not feel that, at 
 the same time, I should be touching upon a 
 theme too delicate for the handling of an or- 
 dinary pen, and venturing beyond that veil 
 which the sacredness of such a connection 
 is calculated to draw over all that is ex- 
 treme in the happiness or misery of human 
 life. 
 
 I shall therefore glance only upon those 
 points which are most obvious to the eye of 
 a third party ; and in doing this, it will be 
 found, that many of the remarks I have 
 made upon the behavior of daughters to 
 their fathers, are equally applicable to that of 
 wives towards their husbands. There is, 
 however, this great difference the connec- 
 tion existing between married people is al- 
 most invariably a matter of choice. A daugh- 
 ter may, sometimes, imagine herself excused, 
 by supposing that her father is too uncon- 
 genial in mind and character, for her to owe 
 him much in the way of companionship. 
 
 She may think his manners vulgar, and be- 
 lieve that if she had a father who was a gen- 
 tleman, she would be more attentive and 
 considerate to him. But her husband cannot 
 have married her without her own consent ; 
 and therefore the engagement she has volun- 
 tarily entered into, must be to fulfil the duties 
 of a wife to him as he is, and not as she 
 could have wished or imagined him to be. 
 
 These considerations lead me to a view of 
 the subject which I have often been com- 
 pelled to take with deep regret, but which I 
 fear no human pen, and still less mine, will 
 be able to change : it is the false system of 
 behavior kept up between those who are 
 about to enter into the relation of marriage ; 
 so that when they settle down upon the true 
 basis of their own characters, and appear to 
 each other what they actually are, the differ- 
 ence is sometimes so great, as almost to justi- 
 fy the inquiry whether the individual can re- 
 ally be the same. 
 
 I presume not to expatiate upon that pro- 
 cess denominated courtship, as it is frequent- 
 ly carried on by men. I venture not to ac- 
 cuse them of injustice, in cherishing, in their 
 early intercourse with the object of their 
 choice, the very faults which they afterwards 
 complain of in the wife. My chief solicitude 
 is for my own sex, that they should not only 
 be faithful after marriage, but upright and 
 sincere before ; and that they should scorn 
 to engage a lover, by little acts of considera- 
 tion and kindness which they are not pre- 
 pared to practise even more willingly to- 
 wards the husband. 
 
 I have known cases in which a kind- 
 hearted woman would have esteemed her- 
 self robbed of a privilege, if her lover had 
 asked any other person than herself, so much 
 as to mend his glove. Yet is it not possible 
 for the same woman, two years after mar- 
 riage, to say " My sister, or my cousin, will 
 do that for you. I am too busy now." 
 
 Nor is it the act alone, but the manner in 
 which the act is done, that conveys a false 
 impression of what will be the manner of 
 that woman after marriage. I charge no one 
 with intentional deception. The very ex
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 81 
 
 pression of the countenance is that of real 
 and intense enjoyment, while the act of kind- 
 ness is performed. All I regret is, that the 
 same expressions of countenance should not 
 always accompany the same performance in 
 the wife. All women of acute sensibility 
 must feel the loss of personal attractions, 
 when time begins to tell upon their youthful 
 charms. But, oh ! that they would learn by 
 the warning of others, rather than by their 
 own experience, that it is most frequently the 
 want of this expression of cheerful, genuine, 
 disinterested kindness, than the want of 
 youthful beauty, that alienates their hus- 
 bands' love, and makes them objects of in- 
 difference, or worse. 
 
 The cultivation of acquaintance before 
 marriage, with a view to that connection 
 taking place, for the most part goes but a 
 very little way towards the knowledge of 
 real character. The parties usually meet 
 in the hey-day of inexperienced youth ; and 
 while they exult in the unclouded sunshine 
 of life, their mutual endeavors to please 
 are rewarded by an equal willingness to be 
 pleased. The woman, especially, is placed 
 in a situation highly calculated to excite the 
 greatest possible degree of complacency. She 
 is treated by a being upon whom she depends, 
 and he most probably her superior, as if she 
 was incapable of error, and guiltless of a 
 single fault. Perhaps she warns him of his 
 mistake, speaks of her own defects, and as- 
 sures him that she is not the angelic creature 
 he supposes her to be ; but she does all this 
 with so sweet a grace, and looks all the while 
 so pleased to be contradicted, that her infor- 
 mation goes for nothing ; and we are by no 
 means assured that she is not better satsified 
 it should be so. 
 
 If, for instance, she really wishes him to 
 know that her temper is naturally bad, why is 
 she invariably so mild, and bland, and con- 
 ciliating in his presence ] If she wishes him 
 to believe that she has a mind not capable of 
 entering fully into the interest of his favorite 
 books, and the subjects of his favorite dis- 
 course, why does she appear to listen so at- 
 tentively when he reads, and ask so many 
 
 questions calculated to draw him out into 
 conversation ? If she wishes him to suppose 
 that she is not always a lively and agreeable 
 companion, why does she not occasionally 
 assume the tone and manner so familiar to 
 her family at home answer him shortly, 
 hang down her head, and mope away the 
 evening when he is near her 1 If she really 
 wishes him to believe her, when she tells him 
 that she is but ill-informed, and wanting in 
 judgment; why, when he talks with her, 
 does she take so much pains to express opin- 
 ions generally believed to be correct, and 
 especially such as coincide with his own] 
 If she occasionally acts from caprice, and 
 really wishes him to know that she does so, 
 to the injury of the comfort of those around 
 her ; why, whenever she practises in this 
 way upon him, does she win him back again, 
 and soothe his feelings with redoubled kind- 
 ness, and additional solicitude to please ? 
 
 Perhaps she will tell me she acts in this 
 manner, because it would be unamiable and 
 ungenerous to do otherwise. To which I 
 answer, If it be unamiable and ungenerous 
 to the lover, how much more so must it be to 
 the husband 7 I find no fault with the sweet- 
 ness, the irresistible charm of her behavior 
 before marriage. It is no more than we 
 ought to practise towards those whose hap- 
 piness is bound up with ours. The falling 
 off afterwards, is what I regard as so much 
 to be deplored in the character of woman ; 
 for wherever this is observed, it seems to indi- 
 cate that her mind has been low enough to 
 be influenced by a desire of establishing her- 
 self in an eligible home, and escaping the 
 stigma foolishly attached to the situation of 
 an old maid. 
 
 I have devoted an earlier chapter in this 
 work to the consideration of dress and man- 
 ners ; but I have omitted one of the most 
 striking points of view in which these sub- 
 jects can be regarded, the different charac- 
 ters they sometimes assume before, and after, 
 marriage. 
 
 When a young lady dresses with a view 
 to general approbation, she is studioualy so- 
 licitous to observe, what she believes to be,
 
 82 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 the rules of good taste ; and more especially, 
 if a gentleman, whose favorable opinion she 
 values, evinces any decided symptoms of 
 becoming her admirer. She then meets him 
 with her hair arranged in the most becoming 
 style; with the neat shoe, and pure-white 
 gloves, which she has heard him commend 
 in others; with the pale scarf, the quiet-color- 
 ed robe, and with the general aspect of her 
 costume accommodated to his taste. He can- 
 not but observe this regard to his wishes, 
 and he notes it down as a proof of amiable 
 temperament, as well as sympathy of ha- 
 bitual feeling. Auguring well for his future 
 happiness with a woman, who even in mat- 
 ters of such trifling moment is willing to 
 make his wish her law, he prevails upon her 
 at last to crown that happiness by the be- 
 stowment of her hand. 
 
 In the course of three years, we look in 
 upon this couple in the home they are shar- 
 ing together. We suppose the lady to be 
 the same, yet cannot feel quite sure, her 
 whole appearance is so changed. The hair 
 that used to be so carefully braided, or so 
 gracefully curled, is now allowed to wander 
 in dishevelled tresses, or swept away from 
 a brow, whose defects it was wont to cover. 
 There is a forlornness in her whole appear- 
 ance, as if she had not, as formerly, any 
 worthy object for which to study these sec- 
 ondary points of beauty ; and we inwardly 
 exclaim, How the taste of her husband must 
 have changed, to allow him to be pleased 
 with what is so entirely the opposite of his 
 original choice! On a second observation, 
 however, we ask whether he actually is 
 pleased, for there is nothing like satisfaction 
 in the look with which he turns away from 
 the unbecoming cap, the soiled kerchief, and 
 the neglected aspect of the partner of his 
 life. 
 
 If married women, who allow themselves 
 to fall into that state of moral degradation, 
 which such an appearance indicates, feel 
 pained at symptoms of estrangement in their 
 husbands' affections, they must at least be 
 satisfied to endure the consequences of their 
 own want of consideration, without sympa- 
 
 thy or commiseration. They ma}', perhaps, 
 feel disposed to say their punishment is too 
 severe for such a fault They love their 
 husbands as faithfully as ever, and expected 
 from them a love that would have been more 
 faithful in return, than to be shaken by any 
 change in mere personal appearance. But 
 let me tell them, that the change which owes 
 its existence to our own fault, has a totally 
 different effect upon the feelings of a friend, 
 from that which is the consequence of our 
 misfortune ; and one of the most bitter and 
 repulsive thoughts that can be made to rankle 
 in a husband's bosom, is, that his wife should 
 only have deemed it necessary to charm his 
 eye, until she had obtained his hand ; and 
 that, through the whole of his after life he 
 must look in vain for the exercise of that 
 kind consideration in consulting his tastes 
 and wishes, that used to lend so sweet a 
 charm to the season of youthful intercourse. 
 
 It is a subject well calculated to inspire the 
 most serious regret, that men should practise 
 throughout the season of courtship, that sys- 
 tem of indiscriminate flattery which lulls the 
 better judgment of a woman into a belief 
 that she must of necessity be delightful to 
 him delightful, faults and all nay, what is 
 infinitely worse than this, into a secret suspi- 
 cion, that the faults which her female friends 
 have been accustomed to point out, have no 
 existence in reality, and that to one who 
 knows and loves her better, she must appear 
 in her naturally amiable and attractive char- 
 acter. 
 
 Could she be persuaded, on that import- 
 ant day, when she is led home from the 
 altar, adorned, attended upon, and almost 
 worshipped could she be persuaded to cast 
 one impartial glance into her own heart, she 
 would see that the treasure she was bestow- 
 ing, had many drawbacks from its value, 
 and that all the happiness it was in her pow- 
 er to confer, must necessarily, from the 
 nature of that heart, be accompanied with 
 some alloy. 
 
 "Alas!" she would say, after this exami- 
 nation, " he knows me not. Time will reveal 
 to him my secretly cherished faults." And
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 63 
 
 when this conviction was confirmed through 
 the days and years of her after life, she 
 would esteem it but a small sacrifice of time 
 and patience to endeavor to render herself 
 personally attractive to him. Nay, so grate- 
 ful would she feel for his charitable forgive- 
 ness, that when the evil dispositions inherent 
 in her nature were thrown into more glaring 
 light, she would esteem it a privilege to be 
 able by the simplest means to convince him, 
 that, with all her faults, she was not so guilty 
 of a disregard to his wishes, as to refuse in 
 these minor points to conform her habits to 
 his taste. 
 
 Many of the remarks into which I have 
 been led by a consideration of the subject of 
 dress, are equally applicable to that of man- 
 ner, as relates to its connection with social 
 and domestic happiness before and after 
 marriage. We are all aware that neither 
 beauty, nor personal adornment, nor the 
 most brilliant conversation, can be rendered 
 altogether charming to any individual, with- 
 out the accompaniment of a peculiar kind of 
 manner, by which that individual is made to 
 feel that he partakes in the pleasant thoughts 
 and kind feelings of the party whose object 
 it is to please. 
 
 Women who possess the tact to know ex- 
 actly how to give pleasure, are peculiarly 
 skilled in those earnest looks, and cheerful 
 smiles, and animated responses, which con- 
 stitute more than half the charm of society. 
 We sometimes see, in social evening circles, 
 the countenance of an intelligent young lady 
 lighted up with such a look of deep and 
 glowing interest as to render her perfectly 
 beautiful, during the time she is addressed 
 by a distinguished friend, or even an attract- 
 ive stranger. 
 
 I will not say that the same expression is 
 not always worn by the same individual at 
 the domestic hearth, when she listens to the 
 conversation of her husband. I will not so 
 far libel my countrywomen, because I know 
 that there are noble and admirable instances 
 of women who are too diffident and too 
 simple-hearted to study how to shine in 
 public, who yet, from the intensity of their 
 
 own feelings, the brilliance of their own 
 powers of perception, and the deep delight 
 of listening to the gentle tones of a beloved 
 voice, when it speaks at once to their under- 
 standing and their hearts, I know that such 
 women do wear an aspect of almost spiritual 
 beauty, and speak and act with an almost 
 superhuman grace, when no eye beholds 
 them but that which is most familiar, and 
 which is destined to look upon the same 
 path of life with theirs. 
 
 After acknowledging these instances, I 
 must suppose a case ; and for the sake of 
 argument imagine what would be the feel- 
 ings of a husband, who, in mixed society, 
 should see his wife the centre of an anima- 
 ted group pleased herself, and giving pleas- 
 ure to all around her the expression of 
 intense interest depicted on her countenance, 
 and mingled with an apprehension so lively 
 and vivid, as almost to amount to presenti- 
 ment of every probable turn in the dis- 
 course ; her eyes lighted up with animation, 
 and her cheeks dimpled over with the play 
 of sunny smiles what would be the feelings 
 of a husband who should have marked all 
 this, and when at his own fireside he felt 
 the want of pleasant converse to beguile the 
 winter's evening of its length, should be an- 
 swered by that peculiar tone of voice, that 
 depression of countenance, and that forbid- 
 ding manner, which are more powerful in 
 imposing silence than the most imperative 
 command 7 
 
 In fact, there is a manner all-powerful in 
 its influence upon domestic happiness, in 
 which there seems to be imbodied a spirit of 
 evil too subtile for detection, and too indefi- 
 nite to be described by any name. It is not 
 precisely a sullen manner, nor, in its strictest 
 sense, a repulsive manner ; for the individu- 
 al who adopts it may be perfectly civil all 
 the while. It does not consist in pointed 
 insult, or, indeed, in any thing pointed. It 
 conveys no reproach, nor suffers the party 
 upon whom it operates to suppose that re- 
 dress is the thing desired. It invites no 
 explanation, and makes no complaint. Its 
 only visible characteristic is, that the eye is
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 never raised to gaze upon its object, but in- 
 variably directed past it, as if that object had 
 no ubiquity in short, had no existence, and 
 was not required to have any. 
 
 This is the manner I should describe as 
 most expressive of natural antipathy without 
 the energy of active dislike ; and yet this 
 manner, as before stated, is so potent in its 
 influence, that it seems to lay, as it were, an 
 unseen axe at the root of all domestic confi- 
 dence ; and difficult as it must necessarily 
 be, for a woman to maintain this manner, 
 there have been instances in which it has 
 destroyed a husband's peace, without afford- 
 ing him even the satisfaction of any definite 
 cause of complaint There are degrees of 
 the same manner practised every day in all 
 classes of society, but never without a bane- 
 ful effect, in poisoning our kindly feelings, 
 and decreasing the sum of human happi- 
 
 We are all too much disposed to put on 
 what I would describe as company manners. 
 Not only are our best dresses reserved for our 
 visitors, but our best behavior too. I have 
 often been struck with the bland smiles that 
 have been put on in welcoming guests, and 
 the appearance of extreme interest with 
 which such guests have been listened to ; 
 when, five minutes after their departure, the 
 same subject, having been taken up by some 
 unfortunate member of the family, no inter- 
 est whatever has been elicited, no smile 
 awakened, and scarcely so much as a pa- 
 tient and respectful answer drawn forth. I 
 have observed, also, with what forbearance 
 the absurdities of a stranger have been en- 
 dured : the twice-told tale, when begun again 
 in company, has apparently been as fresh 
 and entertaining as the first time it was 
 heard. The folly of ignorance has then had 
 no power to disgust, nor the impertinence of 
 curiosity to offend. 
 
 When I have marked all this, I have 
 thought, If we could but carry away our 
 company-smiles, to the home fireside, speak 
 always in the gentle and persuasive tones 
 made use of in the evening party, and move 
 along the domestic walk with that suavity of 
 
 manner which characterizes our intercourse 
 with what is called society, how pleasant 
 would those homes become to the friends 
 who look for their hours of refreshment and 
 relaxation there ; and how seldom should 
 we have to complain of our companionship 
 being neglected for that of more brilliant cir- 
 cles and more interesting scenes ! 
 
 In writing on the subject of consideration 
 and kindness before and after marriage, I 
 purposely confined my remarks to a very 
 slight and superficial view of the subject. 
 The world that lies beyond, I cannot regard 
 as within the province of my pen I might 
 almost say, within the province of any pen : 
 for such is the difference in human character, 
 and in the circumstances by which character 
 is developed, that it would scarcely be possi- 
 ble to speak definitely of a line of conduct by 
 which the lives of any two married women 
 could properly be regulated, because such 
 conduct must bear strict reference to the 
 habits and temperament of the husband, 
 whose peculiarities of character would have 
 to be taken into account 
 
 I must therefore Be satisfied to recommend 
 this wide and important field of contempla- 
 tion to the serious attention and earnest soli- 
 citude of my countrywomen ; reminding them, 
 only, before we leave this subject, that if, in 
 the first instance, they are induced by selfish 
 feeling to consult their immediate interest or 
 convenience, they are, in a secondary man- 
 ner, undermining their own happiness by fail- 
 ing t6 consult that of the being whose destiny 
 is linked with theirs. 
 
 What pen can describe the wretchedness 
 of that woman, who finds herself doomed to 
 live unloved ; and to whom can she look for 
 confidence and affection, if shut out from the 
 natural sources of enjoyment at home ? 
 There is no loneliness there can be none 
 in all the waste or peopled deserts of this 
 world, bearing the slightest comparison with 
 that of an unloved wife. She stands amidst 
 her family like a living statue among the 
 marble memorials of the dead instinct with 
 life, yet paralyzed with death the burning 
 tide of natural feeling circling round her
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 85 
 
 heart the thousand channels frozen, through 
 which that feeling ought to flow. 
 
 So pitiable, so utterly destitute of consola- 
 tion is this state, to which many women have 
 reduced themselves by mere carelessness of 
 the common and familiar means of giving 
 pleasure, that I must be pardoned for writing 
 on this subject with more earnestness than 
 the minuteness of its detail would seem to 
 warrant. We may set off in life with high 
 notions of loving, and of being loved, in exact 
 proportion to meritorious desert, as exempli- 
 fied in great and noble deeds. But on a 
 closer and more experimental view of human 
 life, we find that affection is more dependent 
 upon the minutiae of every-day existence ; 
 and that there is a greater sum of affection 
 really lost by filtering away through the fail- 
 ure of seeming trifles, than by the shock of 
 great events. 
 
 We are apt also to deceive ourselves with 
 regard to the revival of affection after its de- 
 cay. Much may be done to restore equanim- 
 ity of mind, to obtain forgiveness, and to be 
 reinstated in esteem; but I am inclined to 
 think, that when once the bloom of love is 
 gone when it has been brushed away by too 
 rude or too careless a hand, it would be as 
 vain to attempt to restore it, as to raise again 
 the blighted flower, or give wings to the but- 
 terfly which the storm had beaten down. 
 
 How important is it, then, that women 
 should guard, with the most scrupulous at- 
 tention, this treasure of their hearts, this 
 blessing of their homes ; and since we are so 
 constituted, that trifles make the sum of hu- 
 man happiness, that they should lose no op- 
 portunity of turning these trifles to the best 
 account ! 
 
 Besides these considerations, there is one 
 awful and alarming fact connected with this 
 subject, which ought to be indelibly impress- 
 ed upon our minds ; it is, that we have but 
 a short time, it may be but a very short time, 
 allowed us for promoting the comfort or the 
 happiness of our fellow-creatures. Even if 
 we ourselves are spared to reach the widest 
 range of human existence, how few of those 
 we love will number half that length of years ! 
 
 Even the hand that is clasped in ours, the 
 eyes that reflect the intelligence of our souls, 
 and the heart that beats an echo to every 
 pulse we feel, may be cold and motionless 
 before to-morrow's sun has set ! 
 
 Were the secrets of every human bosom 
 laid open, I believe we should behold no 
 darker passage in the page of experience, 
 than that which has noted down our want 
 of kindness and consideration to those who 
 are gone before us to another world. 
 
 When we realize the agonizing sensation 
 of bending over the feeble frame of a beloved 
 friend, when the mortal conflict is approach- 
 ing, and the fluttering spirit is about to leave 
 its earthly tenement ; and looking back upon 
 a long, dark past, all blotted over with in- 
 stances of our unkindness or neglect, and 
 forward unto that little span of life, into which 
 we would fain concentrate the deep affection, 
 that, in spite of inconsistencies in our past 
 conduct, has all the while been cherished in 
 our hearts, with what impassioned earnest- 
 ness would we arrest the pale messenger in 
 his career, and stay the wings of time, and 
 call upon the impatient spirit to return, to 
 see, and feel, and understand our love ! 
 
 Perhaps we have been negligent in formei 
 seasons of bodily affliction ; have not listened 
 patiently to the outpouring of natural feel- 
 ing, and have held ourselves excused from 
 attendance in the siek-chamber ; and there 
 has gone forth that awful sentence, " It is the 
 last time !" the last time we can offer the 
 cordial draught, or smooth the restless pillow 
 or bathe the feverish brow ! And now, though 
 we would search all the treasures of the earth 
 for healing medicine, and rob ourselves of 
 sleep, and rest, and sustenance, to purchase 
 for the sufferer one hour of quiet slumber, 
 and pour out tears upon that aching brow, 
 until its burning heat was quenched ; it is 
 in vain, for the eye is glazed, the lips are 
 paralyzed, the head begins to droop, and ex- 
 piring nature tells us it is all loo late ! 
 
 Perhaps we have not been sympathizing, 
 kind, or tender, in those by-gone years of 
 familiar confidence, when we were called 
 upon to share the burdens of a weary bosom,
 
 H 
 
 DOMESTIC HABITS OF 
 
 whose inner feelings were revealed to us, and 
 us alone. Yes, we can remember, in the sun- 
 ny days of youth, and through the trials of 
 maturer life, when the appeals of affection 
 were answered with fretfulness or captious 
 spleen, when estrangement followed, and we 
 could not, if we had desired it, then draw 
 back the love we had repulsed. And now 
 we hear again that awful sentence "It is the 
 last time !" the last time we can ever weep 
 upon that bosom, or lay our hand upon that 
 head, or press a fond, fond kiss upon those 
 closing lips. Fain would we then throw open 
 the floodgates of our hidden feeling, and pour 
 forth words of more than tenderness. Alas ! 
 the once wished-for tide would flow, like the 
 rising surf around a shattered wreck too 
 late! 
 
 Perhaps we have been guilty of a deeper 
 sin against our heavenly Father, and the hu- 
 man family whose happiness he has in some 
 measure committed to our trust And, oh ! 
 let the young ask diligently of the more ex- 
 perienced, how they can escape the aching 
 consciousness that may pursue them to the 
 grave, and only then commence the reality 
 of its eternal torment the consciousness of 
 having wasted all our influence, and neglect- 
 ed all our means of assisting those who were 
 associated with us by the closest ties, in pre- 
 paring for another and a better world. 
 
 Perhaps they once sought our society for 
 the benefit of spiritual communion. Perhaps 
 they would have consulted us in cases of 
 moral difficulty, had we been more gracious 
 and conciliating. Perhaps we have treated 
 lightly the serious scruples they have laid be- 
 fore us, or, what is still more probable, per- 
 haps the whole tenor of our inconsistent lives 
 has been the means of drawing them away 
 from the altar, on which they saw such un- 
 holy incense burning. And now, " it is the 
 last time !" the last time we can ever speak 
 to them of eternity, of the state of their trem- 
 bling souls before the eye of a just and holy 
 God, or raise their fainting hopes to the 
 mercy still offered to their acceptance, through 
 Him who is able to save to the uttermost 
 Oh! for the trumpet of an archangel, to 
 
 awake them from the increasing torpor of 
 bodily and spiritual death ! Oh ! for a voice 
 that would imbody, in one deep, awful, and 
 tremendous word, all all for which our 
 wasted life was insufficient! It is in vain 
 that we would call upon the attributes of na- 
 ture and of Deity to aid us. They are gone ! 
 It was the final struggle ; and never more 
 will that pale marble form be roused to life 
 by words of hope or consolation. They are 
 gone. The portals of eternity are closed It 
 is too late ! 
 
 Let it be a subject of grateful acknowledg- 
 ment with the young, that to them this fear- 
 ful sentence has not yet gone forth that op- 
 portunity may still be offered them to redeem 
 the time. They know not, however, how 
 much of this time remains at their disposal ; 
 and it might occasionally be some assistance 
 to them in their duties, would they cultivate 
 the habit of thinking, not only of their own 
 death, but of the death of their companions. 
 
 There are few subjects more calculated for 
 solemn and affecting thought, than the fact 
 that we can scarcely meet a blooming circle 
 around a cheerful hearth, but one individual 
 at least, in that circle, will be cherishing in 
 her bosom the seeds of some fatal malady. 
 
 It is recorded of the Egyptians, that among 
 their ancient customs they endeavored to 
 preserve the salutary remembrance that they 
 were liable to death, by placing at their festal 
 boards, a human skeleton ; so that while 
 they feasted, and enjoyed the luxuries of this 
 life, they should find it impossible to beguile 
 themselves into a belief in its perpetual dura- 
 tion. 
 
 It is not necessary that we should resort 
 to means so unnatural and repulsive ; though 
 the end is still more desirable for us, who are 
 trusting in a better hope, to keep in view. 
 Neither is it necessary that the idea should 
 be invested with melancholy, and associated 
 with depression. It is but looking at the 
 truth. And let us deceive ourselves as we 
 may, the green church-yard with its freshly 
 covered graves the passing-bell the slowly- 
 moving hearse the shutters closed upon the 
 apartment where the sound of merriment
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 87 
 
 was lately heard the visitations of disease 
 within our homes even the hectic flush of 
 beauty all remind us that the portion of time 
 allotted for the exercise of kindly feeling to- 
 wards our fellow-creatures, is fleeting fast 
 away ; and that to-day, if ever, we must 
 prove to the great Shepherd of the Chris- 
 tian fold, that we are not regardless of that 
 memorable injunction By this shall all men 
 know that ye are my disciples, If ye have love 
 one to another. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE OF THE WOMEN OF ENG- 
 LAND CAPRICE AFFECTATION LOVE OF AD- 
 MIRATION. 
 
 THE higher admiration we bestow upon 
 the nature and attributes of any subject of 
 contemplation, the more painful and acute is 
 our perception of its defects. And thus 
 when we think of woman in her most eleva- 
 ted character, consider the extent of her ca- 
 pabilities, and her wonderful and almost un- 
 failing power of being great on great occa- 
 sions, we are the more disposed to regret 
 that she has a power equally unlimited, of 
 making herself little ; and that, when indo- 
 lence or selfishness is allowed to prevail over 
 her better feelings, this power is often exer- 
 cised to the annoyance of society, and to her 
 own disgrace. 
 
 Those who understand the construction 
 of woman's mind, however, will find some 
 excuse for this, in the natural versatility of 
 her mental faculties, in the multiplicity of her 
 floating ideas, in the play of her fancy, and 
 in the constant overflow of her feelings, 
 which must expend themselves upon some 
 object, either worthy or unworthy ; and 
 which consequently demand the utmost at- 
 tention to what is really important, in order 
 that this waste of energy, of feeling, and 
 emotion, may be avoided. 
 
 The word caprice, in its familiar accepta- 
 tion, is one of very indefinite signification. I 
 
 shall endeavor to confine my use of it to 
 those cases in which the whim of the mo- 
 ment is made the rule of action, without any 
 reference to right reason, or even to the 
 gratification or annoyance of others ; and I 
 shall endeavor to show, that with regard to 
 this feminine fault, as well as many others, 
 women are not fairly dealt with by society. 
 
 How often do WG see, for instance, a beau- 
 tiful and fascinating girl expressing the most 
 absurd antipathies, or sympathies, and acting 
 in the most self-willed and irrational manner ; 
 in short, performing a part, which, in a plain 
 woman, would be regarded not only as repul- 
 sive, but unamiable in the utmost degree! 
 yet because she is beautiful, l|er admirers ap- 
 pear to think all these little freaks of fancy 
 highly becoming, and captivating in the ex- 
 treme. If she chooses to find fault with 
 what all the rest of the company are admir- 
 ing how delightfully peculiar are her tastes ! 
 If she will walk out when others are not dis- 
 posed for walking what obsequious attend- 
 ants she immediately finds, all ready to say 
 the evening is fine, the air inviting, and the 
 general aspect of nature exactly what she 
 chooses it should be ! If she persists in re- 
 fusing to play a favorite air what a dear ca- 
 pricious creature she always is ! and in this, 
 as well as other whims, she must be humor- 
 ed to the extent of her selfishness. 
 
 I will not pretend to say that beauty alone 
 can command this influence, though it un- 
 questionably has a power beyond all calcula- 
 tion. The being who thus assumes the right 
 to tyrannize, must have obtained the suffrages 
 of society by the exercise of some particular 
 powers of fascination, which she wants the 
 judgment and good feeling to use for better 
 purposes. 
 
 We have seen her, then, a sort of idol in 
 society, the centre of an admiring circle, en- 
 dowed with the royal privilege of incapability 
 of doing wrong. We have seen her admired, 
 apparently beloved ; and we turn to the little 
 coteries of dissentients who are sure to be 
 formed in all companies where a being of this 
 description is found. Among these we find 
 that her character is treated, not with justice,
 
 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE OF 
 
 though that had been enough, but with the 
 sharp inspection of keen and envious eyes ; 
 and we are soon convinced, that if in public 
 she is raised to the distinction of an idol, she 
 is in private most unscrupulously deprived of 
 the honors she was but too willing to assume. 
 
 I speak not of this instance, in order to 
 bring forward the want of charity and kindly 
 feeling prevailing in the world. I simply 
 state that such things are, in order to show 
 that the deference paid to the caprices of 
 women by a few partial admirers, is no real 
 test of the favor they obtain in general so- 
 ciety. And if, in such instances where youth 
 and beauty cast their lovely mantle over 
 every defect, woman's faults are still brought 
 to light, what must be her situation what 
 her treatment by the world, where she has 
 nothing of this kind to palliate her weakness, 
 or recommend her to the charity and forbear- 
 ance of her fellow-creatures 7 
 
 Caprice, like many other feminine faults, 
 appears almost too trifling in its minutiae 
 too insignificant in its detail, to deserve our 
 serious condemnation ; yet, if caprice has 
 the power to make enemies, and to destroy 
 happiness, it ought not to be regarded as un- 
 important in itself. With regard to many 
 other subjects of consideration connected 
 with the virtues or the errors of woman, we 
 have had to observe, that each individual act 
 may be almost beneath our notice in itself, 
 and yet may form a part of such a whole, as 
 the utmost capabilities of human intellect 
 would be unable to treat with justice and ef- 
 fect 
 
 The case is precisely the same with femi- 
 nine caprice. It is but a slight deviation 
 either from sense or propriety, to choose to 
 differ from the majority of opinions, to choose 
 to do, and to make others do, what is not 
 agreeable to them, or to refuse to do wliat 
 would give them pleasure. But, when this 
 mode of conduct becomes habitual, when 
 beauty fades, and the idol of society is cast 
 into the shade, when disappointment irritates 
 the temper, and " sickness rends the brow," 
 and grief sits heavily upon the soul in these 
 seasons of nature's weakness, when woman's 
 
 trembling heart is apt to sink within her, to 
 what loneliness and bitterness of experience 
 must she be consigned, if her own indulgence 
 of caprice has driven from her all the friends 
 who might have administered to her conso- 
 lation in this hour of need ! 
 
 This view of the subject, however, she is 
 certainly at liberty to take, and counting the 
 cost, to indulge her momentary wishes at the 
 expense of her future peace. The question 
 of most serious importance, is, how far we 
 are justified in trifling with the happiness, 
 the comfort, or even the convenience of others, 
 for the sake of indulging our own caprices ? 
 
 I have before stated, that in acting from 
 caprice, we act without reference to common 
 sense, or right feeling. If, therefore, a wo- 
 man chooses to be capricious, there is no help 
 for it Argument has no power to convince 
 her that she is wrong, and opposition only 
 strengthens her determination : no matter 
 how many are made to suffer annoyance 
 from her folly, or grief from her perverse- 
 ness. It is her choice to be capricious, and 
 they must abide by the consequences. Thus 
 she exemplifies it may be said in actions 
 extremely minute and unimportant but still 
 she does exemplify, how much mischief may 
 be done by a weak judgment, a selfish tem- 
 per, and an unenlightened mind. 
 
 The domestic habits and social intercourse 
 of the women of England, are peculiarly 
 favorable to the counteraction of the natural 
 tendency to caprice in the female character, 
 because they afford a supply of constant oc- 
 cupation, and invest that occupation with 
 the dignity of moral duty. When, therefore, 
 we find individuals acting from caprice, in 
 the middle classes of English society, we 
 know that it exists in spite of circumstances; 
 and we consequently regard with proportion- 
 ate condemnation, those who are so far defi- 
 cient in good taste and good feeling, as to 
 prefer such a mode of exhibiting their follies 
 to the world. 
 
 It might require some degree of philoso- 
 phical examination, accurately to define the 
 nature and origin of caprice ; yet so far as 
 I have been able to ascertain by observations
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 89 
 
 upon society in general, I should be inclined 
 to describe it as arising from the same cause 
 as affectation ; and both to owe their exist- 
 ence to a desire to attract attention, or a belief 
 that attention is attracted by what is said or 
 done. Caprice refers more to a weak and 
 vain desire to be important ; affectation, to a 
 desire to make ourselves admired. Both are 
 contemptible in the extreme. Yet one is so 
 powerful in provoking the temper, the other 
 in exciting ridicule and disgust, that both are 
 worthy of our careful examination, in order 
 that we may detect the lurking evil wherever 
 it exists in our own conduct. 
 
 Affectation is in practice a species of mi- 
 nute deception ; in effect, ap alpable mockery 
 of that which is assumed. I am aware that 
 it is often the accompaniment of extreme 
 bashfulness and diffidence of self; but this 
 is seldom or never the case, except where 
 there is a secret, yet strong desire, if it were 
 possible, to be the object of admiration to 
 others. Along with affectation, there is gen- 
 erally a prevailing impression of being the 
 object upon which all, or at least many, eyes 
 are fixed. For who would be at the trouble 
 of all those distortions of countenance, in- 
 flexions of voice, and manceuvrings of body 
 and limb, which we often observe in compa- 
 ny, did they not believe themselves to be 
 
 " The observed of all observers ?" 
 
 If by thinking too meanly of ourselves, we 
 are overwhelmed with humiliation in public, 
 and tormented with dissatisfaction in private, 
 it is clear that there is as much vanity and 
 selfishness in this depreciation of our own 
 character, as in the more exalted and com- 
 fortable inflation of conceit. The only differ- 
 ence is, in one case we are piqued and 
 wounded that we cannot be admired ; in the 
 other, we believe ourselves to be admired 
 when we are not. 
 
 The suffering produced by this kind of 
 vanity, is generally accompanied both with 
 affectation and bashfulness ; but we must 
 not suppose, because a blush suffuses the 
 countenance, and the outstretched hand is 
 seen to tremble, that the individual who is 
 
 guilty of this breach of fashionable indiffer- 
 ence, is necessarily free from vanity, or guilt- 
 less of a desire to be admired. 
 
 Those who have travelled much, and seen 
 much of the world, are generally cured both 
 of bashfulness and affectation, by one of these 
 two causes, either they have been so often 
 in company without making any impression, 
 that they have learned of how little import- 
 ance it is to society in what manner they be- 
 have, or how they look ; or they have learn- 
 ed a still more useful lesson, that the admira- 
 tion of man, even in its fullest sense, goes 
 but a little way towards satisfying the heart. 
 
 The affectation most frequently detected 
 in the behavior of women, is that which 
 arises from an inordinate desire of being 
 agreeable. A certain degree of this desire is, 
 unquestionably, of great service in preserving 
 them from the moral degradation which I 
 have before alluded to, as attaching to per- 
 sonal neglect as indicating a low state of 
 mind wherever it exists, and procuring a low 
 degree of estimation for the individual who 
 thus allows her negligence to gain the ascen- 
 dancy over her good taste. 
 
 On the other hand, what may with pro- 
 priety be called an inordinate desire to be 
 admired, when it takes the place of higher 
 motives and principles of action, is, perhaps, 
 a more fertile source both of folly and of suf- 
 fering than any other which operates upon 
 the life and conduct of woman. As exhibit 
 ed through the single medium of affectation, 
 it is so varied in its character, and so un- 
 bounded in its sphere of operation, that to 
 attempt to describe it in detail would require 
 volumes, rather than pages ; I shall therefore 
 confine my remarks to that species of affecta 
 tion which is the most prevalent in the pres- 
 ent day. 
 
 As the peculiar kind of merit assumed by 
 the hypocrite is, in some measure, a test ol 
 what is most popular and most approved in 
 society, so the prevailing affectation of the 
 day is an indication of the taste of the times 
 of the general tone of public feeling, and 
 of the tendency of private habits. That 
 which most recommends itself to the accept-
 
 90 
 
 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE OP 
 
 .ance and adoption of the young ladies of 
 the present day, is an affectation of refine- 
 ment not refinement of feeling as relates to 
 the means possessed by every human being, 
 of increasing pleasure and alleviating pain, 
 in the circle of friends or relatives by which 
 they are surrounded ; but refinement of self, 
 so that the individual who has attained to 
 this degree of elevation shall be exempt from 
 all personal obligations, particularly such as 
 would render her instrumental in the perform- 
 ance of social and domestic services among 
 her fellow-creatures. Women who affect 
 this kind of refinement, are extremely fas- 
 tidious in all that relates to manual employ- 
 ment They cannot touch the coarse material 
 that supplies our bodily wants, or constitutes 
 our personal comfort. They loathe the very 
 mention of those culinary compounds, which, 
 nevertheless, their .fair lips condescend to 
 admit ; and they shrink with horror from the 
 vulgar notion that the old grandmother-du- 
 ties of preparing a clean hearth, and a com- 
 fortable fireside, for a husband or a brother, 
 could by any possibility devolve upon them. 
 
 For this kind of affectation, however, there 
 is some excuse in our natural indolence ; and 
 in the exemption it procures from personal 
 exertion ; but when we see the absolute pains 
 which some of the same individuals will take 
 to make themselves appear dependent, use- 
 less, and wholly inadequate to self-preserva- 
 tion, we are startled with a new idea, and 
 entirely at a loss to account for this pheno- 
 menon in human nature. 
 
 It is with difficulty I admit the belief that 
 women are in reality the victims of all those 
 foolish fears with which they profess to be 
 annoyed, and with which they unquestion- 
 ably are very successful in annoying others. , 
 It is with difficulty I admit this belief, because 
 I see, and see with admiration, that some of 
 the most delicate women, the most sensitively 
 alive to impression, and the most susceptible 
 both of pleasure and pain, can, when called 
 upon by duty, and actuated by principle, set 
 all these idle fears aside, and dare to do what 
 man would almost shrink from. I cannot, 
 therefore, divest myself of all suspicion, that 
 
 a little of this feminine timidity is sometimes 
 assumed, and a great deal of it encouraged, 
 for the sake of effect for the sake of making 
 it appear to society that the individual who 
 acts this part is too refined to have ever been 
 accustomed to the rough usages of common 
 life. 
 
 I say this with all charity, and with much 
 compassion for those whose bodily and men- 
 tal conformation does really render them the 
 victims of causeless fear ; and when we see 
 such persons endeavoring to subdue their 
 timidity, ashamed of it a? a weakness, and 
 especially solicitous for it not to interfere with 
 the comfort or convenience of others, they 
 justly claim, not only our sympathy, but our 
 admiration. It is the display of terror that I 
 would speak of in terms which can scarcely 
 be too contemptuous ; the becoming start, 
 the modulated shriek, the studied appeal for 
 manly protection, and all that elaboration of 
 feminine delicacy which it sometimes ap- 
 pears to be the business of a life to exhibit. 
 
 Besides this kind of affectation, I will men- 
 tion another species, if possible, still more 
 unnaccountable in its nature and cause. It 
 is the affectation of ignorance respecting 
 common things. It is by no means unusual 
 with young ladies to appear to plume them- 
 selves upon not knowing how any familiar 
 or ordinary thing is made or done. They 
 refuse to understand any thing about machi- 
 nery, and bring into their conversation what 
 they seem to regard as the most entertaining 
 blunders, whenever conversation turns upon 
 the occupations of the laboring classes. The 
 same individuals seldom know the way to any 
 place, are incapable of discovering whether 
 their faces are turned to the north or the 
 south ; and if you ask them, with any idea 
 of receiving an answer, from what quarter 
 the wind is blowing, you might as well ex- 
 pect them to tell you whether the tide is at 
 that moment rising in Nootka Sound. 
 
 If any of these confessions of ignorance, 
 when forced upon them, were attended with 
 embarrassment or shame, they would claim 
 our sisterly compassion ; and sorry should I 
 be to make their blushes the subject of public
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND 
 
 91 
 
 remark. But when we find this ignorance 
 persisted in, made conspicuous on every pos- 
 sible occasion, and attended with 
 
 " Nods, and becks, and wreathed smiles," 
 
 as if it were sure to meet with a favorable 
 reception in society, we cannot withhold the 
 exclamation of our patriot poet, that from our 
 souls we "loathe all affectation." 
 
 It is evident that this helplessness, and this 
 ignorance, where they are assumed, must be 
 so for the purpose of attracting attention, 
 claiming assistance, it may be, from the other 
 sex, and establishing an unquestionable claim 
 to refinement, by giving forth to society an 
 idea of habits of exclusion from all vulgar or 
 degrading association. 
 
 It is difficult to imagine a mode of life, or 
 a combination of circumstances, less advan- 
 tageous to the cultivation of such false no- 
 tions of refinement, than those which are 
 presented by the real situation of the women 
 of England ; and it is impossible not to look, 
 with gloomy anticipations for the future wel- 
 fare of our country, upon the increasing 
 prevalence of these erroneous ideas of what 
 is really excellent and admirable in the female 
 character. 
 
 The view we have taken of the subjects at 
 present under consideration, naturally leads 
 us to that great root of more than half the 
 folly and the misery existing among women 
 the love of admiration. 
 
 The extreme case of a woman totally in- 
 different to the good opinion of her fellow- 
 creatures, would fail to recommend itself to 
 our regard, inasmuch as it would argue a 
 deficiency in her nature, of those feelings 
 which have been given her as a means of 
 happiness to herself and benefit to others. 
 She would stand amid her fellow-creatures a 
 lonely and isolated being, living and acting 
 without reference to the existence of any 
 other being ; and if she escaped the thousand 
 disappointments of those who act from oppo- 
 site motives, she would be equally exempt 
 from any claim upon their affection. 
 
 Such individuals, however, are so rare, that 
 the consideration of their peculiarities would 
 
 be a fruitless waste of time and thought. 
 It is to the opposite extreme of character that 
 our attention must now be given. And here 
 I would request the reader to bear in mind, 
 that my remarks refer strictly to the love of 
 admiration, not to the love of approbation, 
 which I take to be a natural and lawful stim- 
 ulus to all that is excellent in female conduct. 
 
 When we look upon human life with " crit- 
 ical inspection," we find that a vast propor- 
 tion of the apparent motives acted upon before 
 the world, are not the real motives by which 
 the individual actors are influenced; and 
 that this system of deception is often carried 
 on unconsciously to them, because they are 
 themselves betrayed by the deceitfulness of 
 their own hearts. In no instance is this more 
 strikingly the case than in our love of admi- 
 ration. To gratify this desire, what suffering 
 are we not willing to endure, what pains do 
 we not take, what patience can we not exer- 
 cise ! and all under the most plausible pre- 
 tences pretences that impose upon others 
 less effectually than ourselves, that we are 
 acting upon higher and more praiseworthy 
 principles. There is this difference, however, 
 to be observed between acting from worthy 
 and unworthy motives : when our endeavors 
 are unsuccessful and our motives correct, we 
 seldom give way to the fretfulness of disap- 
 pointment ; but when our endeavors are in- 
 effectual, and we look back into our own 
 hearts, and find them unsupported by any 
 laudable object, our fretfulness is often exas- 
 perated into bitterness and spleen. 
 
 Observation and experience have taught 
 me to believe, that many of the secret sor- 
 rows of woman's life owe half their poign- 
 ancy to the disappointment of not being able 
 to obtain the degree of admiration which has 
 been studiously sought. A popular and ele- 
 gant writer has said "How often do the 
 wounds of our vanity form the secret of our 
 pathos !" And to the situation, and the feel- 
 ings of woman, this observation is more espe- 
 cially applicable. Still there is much to be 
 said for woman in this respect. By the na- 
 ture of her own feelings, as well as by the 
 established rules of polished life, she is thrown,
 
 92 
 
 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE OF 
 
 as it were, upon the good-will of society. Un- 
 able to assert her own claims to protection, 
 she must endeavor to ensure it by secondary 
 means, and she knows that the protection of 
 man is best ensured by recommending her- 
 self to his admiration. 
 
 Not is this all. There is but a faint line 
 of demarkation between admiration and love. 
 Though essentially different in their nature, 
 and not always called forth by the same indi- 
 vidual, their outward aspect is still so much 
 alike, and there is so frequent a transition 
 made from the one to the other, that it re- 
 quires more able reasoning than the general- 
 ity of women are capable of, to know exactly 
 when they are exciting admiration, and when 
 they are inspiring love. There is, however, 
 one infallible test by which the case may be 
 decided, and I cannot .too earnestly recom- 
 mend to my countrywomen to apply it to 
 themselves. If they are admired without 
 being beloved, they may possibly be favorites 
 in company abroad, but they will be no favor- 
 ites at home they may obtain the good- will 
 of a mere acquaintance, but they will be 
 solitary and neglected at their own fireside. 
 If they are cultivating such habits as are 
 calculated to make them really beloved, espe- 
 cially at home, they may retire from company 
 in which they have been wholly overlooked, 
 to find the warmest welcome of the domestic 
 circle awaiting their return they may not be 
 able to create any perceptible sensation when 
 they appear in public, but every familiar 
 countenance around their social hearth will 
 be lighted up with smiles when they appear. 
 
 With regard to the love of admiration, it 
 is much to be regretted that all women who 
 make this one of the chief objects of their 
 lives, do not at the same time evince an 
 equal solicitude to be admired for what is 
 really praiseworthy. Were this the case, 
 they would at least be employed in cultiva- 
 ting useful habits ; and as the student who 
 aims at obtaining a prize, even if he fails in 
 that direct object, has obtained what is more 
 desirable, in the power of application which 
 he has made himself master of; so the wo- 
 man who aims at moral excellence, if the 
 
 taste of society is too vitiated to receive with 
 admiration the first inpression her character 
 is calculated to make, has yet acquired such 
 habits as will prove an inestimable treasure 
 throughout the whole of her after life. 
 
 We do not, however, see that this is the 
 case so much as might be desired in modern 
 society. There is an appearance among the 
 women of the present day, of being too eager 
 for an immediate tribute of admiration, to 
 wait for the development of moral worth; 
 and thus they cultivate those more shining 
 accomplishments, which dazzle and delight 
 for the moment, but leave no materials for 
 agreeable reflection behind. Like the con- 
 ductor of an exhibition of fireworks, they 
 play off their splendid combinations of light 
 and color ; but the magazine is soon expend- 
 ed, and the scene closes with weariness, and 
 vacuity, and the darkness of night 
 
 What a waste of time, and means, and 
 application, for such a result ! What an ex- 
 penditure of thought and feeling, to have 
 produced this momentary display ! Surely 
 no philanthropist can behold unmoved the 
 pitiful objects for which women, who court 
 the incense of admiration, are spending their 
 lives. Surely none of the patriot sons of 
 Britain can look on, and see with indiffer- 
 ence the sisters, the wives, the mothers, of 
 our English homes, perpetually employed, 
 even in a world of care and suffering, of 
 anxiety and disappointment, in administering 
 to the momentary gratification of the eye 
 and the ear, while the heart is left unsatisfied, 
 and the drooping soul uncheered. 
 
 The desire of being beloved is an ambition 
 of a far more amiable and praiseworthy char- 
 acter. But who shall record the endless va- 
 riety of suffering it entails upon woman ? I 
 will not believe of my sex, that it is the love 
 of admiration only, which gives birth to all 
 those rivalries and mortifications that envy, 
 and spleen, and bitterness, which mar the fe- 
 licity of female companionship. It must be 
 some deeper feeling ; and I at least will give 
 them credit for being wounded in a tenderer 
 point than their vanity, before they can so 
 far do violence to their gentler nature, as to
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 revenge upon each other the slights and the 
 humiliations they receive. 
 
 Yes : it is to human calculation the most 
 pardonable, and yet it is the most soul-be- 
 setting sin of woman, to be perpetually in- 
 vesting earthly objects with an interest too 
 intense for her own happiness ; and asking 
 of some oracle she has herself established, 
 for an answer to the language of her own 
 heart. Let her seek as she may, the admi- 
 ration and applause of the world, it never 
 satisfies the craving of her soul. She must 
 have something to come home to a shelter 
 even in the brightest sunshine a bower in 
 the fairest garden a shrine within the rich- 
 est temple. She cannot mingle with the 
 stream of life, and float securely on, as one 
 among the many. She will not even be ex- 
 alted in solitary distinction. The world has 
 no wealth to offer, that she would possess 
 alone. 
 
 This is the true nature of woman ; and 
 the home she seeks is in the hearts of those 
 who are bound to her by affection. She 
 knows that her place in this home is not to 
 be maintained without unceasing care ; and 
 hence the solicitude she bestows upon things 
 of trifling moment. She knows also that in 
 some instances she is liable to be supplanted ; 
 she feels, perhaps, that she is not worthy to 
 monopolize so honorable a place ; and hence 
 her watchfulness and jealousy. It may be 
 that she is " discarded thence," for human 
 love is sometimes treacherous ; and hence 
 her wounded spirit, and the occasional out- 
 pouring of natural feeling, by which she 
 brings upon herself the odium of bitterness 
 and revenge. 
 
 Thus the darkest faults of woman may 
 often be traced back to those peculiarities of 
 her nature, which, under favoring circum- 
 stances, and with the Divine blessing, may 
 constitute her highest recommendation, and 
 surest source of happiness. How important 
 is it, then, since to woman it is essential to be 
 loved, that she should not expect to reap 
 where she has never sown, and thus incur 
 the most painful disappointment to which 
 her suffering nature is liable ! 
 
 With regard to the anxiety to be admired, 
 then, I would propose that approve should be 
 substituted for admire, and just so far as wo- 
 men seek the approval of their friends, under 
 the guidance of religious truth, there is every 
 reason to believe they will reap an abundant 
 reward. With regard to the desire to be 
 beloved, I can only repeat, that the women 
 of England are peculiarly blessed in the 
 means they possess of rendering themselves 
 estimable in society ; and the opportunities 
 they enjoy of cultivating the kindest and hap- 
 piest feelings of our nature. They have the 
 homes of England in their keeping ; and the 
 hearts within those homes must necessarily 
 be attracted or repelled by the light or the 
 shade which their presence diffuses around 
 them. They cannot complain that circum- 
 stances are against them in the attainment 
 of moral worth. All the natural characteris- 
 tics of their native country are in their favor. 
 The happiness of the whole human family, 
 and especially of man, supplies them with a 
 never-failing motive. Nature and religion 
 are both on their side the one to prompt, 
 the other to lure them on. They have the 
 gratitude of their fellow-creatures awaiting 
 their endeavors and what is more, they 
 have the gracious approval of their heavenly 
 Father, as their encouragement and reward. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 PUBLIC OPINION PECUNIARY RESOURCES IN- 
 TEGRITY. 
 
 THE respect paid by women to public 
 opinion, and to the conventional rules of 
 society, might have been considered with 
 some propriety under the head of love of 
 admiration, did not the immediate connection 
 of this subject with that of integrity, render 
 it more suited to the present chapter. 
 
 To use a popular Germanism, it is but a 
 one-sided view of the subject that we take, 
 when we suppose that the hope of being ad- 
 mired is the strongest stimulus to the female
 
 GENERAL HABITS OF 
 
 character in all cases where her conduct is 
 referred to public opinion. The dread of be- 
 ing censured or condemned, exercises, I am 
 inclined to think, a far more extensive influ- 
 ence over her habits and her feelings. Any 
 deviation from the fashionable mode of dress, 
 or from the established usages of polished 
 life, present an appalling difficulty to a wo- 
 man of ordinary mind, brought up under the 
 tutelage of what is called the world. She 
 cannot positively cannot dare not will 
 not do any thing that the world has pro- 
 nounced unladylike. Nor, while she lives in 
 the world, and mixes in polished society, is it 
 at all desirable that she should deviate from 
 such universally acknowledged rules, except 
 where absolute duty leads her into a different 
 line of conduct I should be the last person 
 to advise a woman to risk the consequences 
 of such deviations, simply for the sake of 
 being singular; because, I regard the as- 
 sumption of singularity for its own sake, as 
 one of the most absurd of all the varied spe- 
 cimens of affectation which human life affords. 
 
 To choose to be singular without a suffi- 
 cient reason, and to dare to be so in a noble 
 cause, are so widely different, that I desire to 
 be clearly understood in the remarks I am 
 about to make, as referring strictly to those 
 cases in which duty renders it necessary for 
 women to deviate from the fashions and 
 established customs of the time or place in 
 which they live. 
 
 While the tide of prosperity bears us 
 smoothly on, and our means are ample, 
 and our luxuries abundant, we suffer little 
 inconvenience from the tyranny of the world 
 in these respects. Indeed, it is rather an 
 agreeable amusement to many ladies to con- 
 sult the fashions of the day, and to be among 
 the first to change their mode of dress to 
 order costly furniture, and to receive com- 
 pany in the most approved and lady-like style. 
 But as I have before observed, of the class 
 of persons to which this work chiefly relates, 
 the tide of prosperity is apt to ebb, as well as 
 to flow ; and as it recedes from us the whole 
 aspect of the world is not only changed to us, 
 but the aspect of our conduct is changed to 
 
 the world ; so that, what it approved in us 
 before, and honored with its countenance, is 
 now the subject of its extreme and bitter 
 condemnation. 
 
 It ia then that we discover, we have been 
 serving a hard master ; but unfortunately for 
 thousands of human beings, the discovery 
 brings with it no freedom from that service. 
 We loathe the cruel bondage ; but habit is 
 too strong for conviction, and we continue to 
 wear the galling chain. It is, then, in cases 
 of adverse fortune, that we see the incalcu- 
 lable benefit of having made the moral duties 
 of social and domestic life the rule of our 
 conduct, and of having regarded all outward 
 embellishments as things of very subordinate 
 importance. 
 
 It is a case of by no means rare occurrence, 
 that the young women of England return 
 home from school more learned in the modes 
 of dress, and habits of conduct prevailing 
 among the fashionable and the wealthy, than 
 in any of those systems of intellectual culture in 
 which they have been instructed. Or, if their 
 knowledge has not extended to what is done 
 in fashionable life, they have at least learned 
 to despise what is done among the vulgar and 
 the poor, to look upon certain kinds of dress 
 as impossible to be worn, and to regard with 
 supreme contempt every indication of the ab- 
 sence of fashionable manners. So far as their 
 means of information could be made to ex- 
 tend, they have laid down, for the guidance 
 of their future lives, the exact rules by which 
 the outward conduct of a lady ought to be 
 regulated, and by these rules they determine 
 to abide. 
 
 If this determination was applied exclusive- 
 ly to what is delicate, refined, and lovely in 
 the female character, they would unquestion- 
 ably be preparing themselves for being both 
 esteemed and beloved ; but unfortunately for 
 them, their attention is too often directed to 
 the mode of dress worn by persons much 
 higher than themselves in worldly prosperity, 
 and to all the minutiae of look and manner, 
 which they regard as indications of easy cir- 
 cumstances and exemption from vulgar oc- 
 cupation.
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 95 
 
 Nor is the school itself, or the mode of 
 treatment there, to be regarded as the source 
 of these ideas and conclusions. The customs 
 of modern society and the taste of modern 
 times are solely in fault And wherever 
 young ladies are congregated together with 
 the same means of communication as at 
 school, the same results must follow, until 
 the public taste undergoes a material change, 
 or until the women of England have become 
 learned in a higher school of wisdom. 
 
 With the preparation here alluded to, our 
 young women enter upon social life ; and as 
 years roll on, the habits thus acquired of mak- 
 ing custom and fashion the rule of their lives, 
 strengthen with the establishment of their 
 character, and become as parts of their very 
 being. What then is the consequence of such 
 habits in the day of their adversity, when the 
 diminution of their pecuniary means leaves 
 them no longer the power of conforming to 
 the world they have so loved ] The conse- 
 quence is, that along with many real priva- 
 tions, their ideal sufferings are increased a 
 hundred-fold by the fact that they must dress 
 and live in a manner different from what they 
 have been accustomed to in short, that they 
 must lose caste. 
 
 How little has the mere circumstance of 
 relinquishing our luxuries to do with the dis- 
 tress attendant upon the loss of worldly sub- 
 stance ! We find every day that persons trav- 
 elling expressly for enjoyment, joining in so- 
 cial excursions and even seeking the invigo- 
 ration of their health, and the refreshment of 
 their spirits, from the sea-breezes, or in places 
 of customary resort for the summer months, 
 voluntarily resign more than half their habit- 
 ual indulgences, and subject themselves, with- 
 out a murmur, to the occupation of apart- 
 ments which they would scarcely think possi- 
 ble to be endured for a single day in their 
 native town ; and all the while they are per- 
 haps more happy and more cheerful than in 
 their elegant drawing-rooms at home. 
 
 It is evident, then, that it cannot be their 
 individual share in the gratification of artifi- 
 cial wants, which they find it so heart-break- 
 ing to resign. It must be that a certain num- 
 
 ber of polite and refined individuals having 
 combined to attach a high degree of impor- 
 tance to the means of procuring the luxuries 
 of life, all who belong to this class, when com- 
 pelled to exhibit in public a manifest destitu- 
 tion of such means, regard themselves, and 
 expect to be regarded by others, as having 
 become degraded in the sight of their fellow, 
 creatures, and no longer entitled to their fa- 
 vor or regard. 
 
 It is of no use asserting that we all know bet- 
 ter than to come to this conclusion that man- 
 kind are not so weak, or so unjust that we 
 appreciate the moral worth of an individual 
 beyond the luxuries of his table, or the costli- 
 ness of his dress. It is easy to say this ; but 
 it is not so easy to believe it, because the prac- 
 tical proof of experience is against it If, for 
 instance, we cared for none of these things, 
 why should the aspect of human life present 
 such a waste of time, and health, and patience, 
 and mental power, and domestic peace, in the 
 pursuit of wealth, when that wealth is expend- 
 ed, as soon as gained, in maintaining an ap- 
 pearance of elegance and luxury before the 
 world ? 
 
 I am not prepared to argue about the ben- 
 efits resulting from the encouragement of ar- 
 tificial wants, and the increase of luxuries, on 
 the broad scale of national prosperity. There 
 are pens more able and more fit for such a 
 purpose. My narrower views are confined 
 to the individual evils resulting from an over- 
 strained ambition to keep pace with our 
 wealthier associates in our general habits; 
 and I would write with earnestness on this 
 subject, because I believe that in England, at 
 the present time, these evils are of rapidly in- 
 creasing extent 
 
 It may seem unimportant to those who 
 have no experience in these affairs, to speak 
 of the private and domestic disputes arising 
 out of artificial wants, on one side, and in- 
 ability to provide the demanded supply for 
 them, on the other. Yet what family, in mod- 
 erate circumstances, has not some record of 
 scenes, alike humiliating to human nature, 
 and destructive to human happiness, in which 
 the ill-judged request, or the harsh denial
 
 96 
 
 GENERAL HABITS OF 
 
 the importunate appeal, or the agonizing re- 
 ply the fretful remonstrance, or the bitter re- 
 tort, have not at seasons cast a shade over 
 the domestic hearth, and destroyed the peace 
 of the circle gathered around the social board. 
 
 It may appear still more like trifling, to speak 
 of the sensations, with which a member of a 
 fallen family regards her dilapidated ward- 
 robe, and looks, and looks in vain for a gar- 
 ment sufficiently respectable to make her ap- 
 pearance in before a rich relation. Perhaps 
 she has but one a call has to be made upon 
 a person of distinction, and as she proceeds 
 on her way, eyeing with watchful anxiety ev- 
 ery speck and spray that would be likely to 
 reduce her garment below the average of re- 
 spectability, a storm overtakes her. There 
 are carriages for all who can afford to pay 
 for them, but none for her : and the agony of 
 losing her last claim to gentility takes posses- 
 sion of her soul. 
 
 The reader may possibly smile at the ab- 
 surdity of this case. A half-clad savage from 
 some barbarous island, would probably smile, 
 could he be made to understand it But 
 nothing can be further from exciting a smile 
 than the real sensations it occasions. Noth- 
 ing can be further from a smile, than the look 
 with which a failing tradesman regards the 
 forlorn condition of his hat, when he dares 
 not brush it, lest he should render its destitu- 
 tion more apparent Nothing can be further 
 from a smile, than the glance he casts upon 
 his threadbare coat, when he knows of no pos- 
 sible resource in art or nature that can sup- 
 ply him with a new one. And nothing can 
 be further from a smile, than the cold wel- 
 come we give to a guest who presents him- 
 self unexpectedly, and must, perforce, look in 
 upon the scantiness of our half-furnished 
 table. 
 
 It is easy to class these sources of disquie- 
 tude under the head of absurdities, and to call 
 them unworthy of rational beings ; but I do 
 believe, there is more real misery existing in 
 the world at the present time, from causes 
 like these, than from all those publicly aknow- 
 ledged calamities which are more uniformly 
 attributed to the dispensations of Providence. 
 
 I do not mean that these miseries arise di- 
 rectly from, or are by any means confined to, 
 our personal appearance, or the furniture of 
 our houses; but when we contemplate the 
 failure of pecuniary means, as it is regarded 
 by the world, and attempt to calculate the im- 
 mense variety of channels through which the 
 suffering it produces is made to flow, in con- 
 sequence of the customs and habits of society, 
 I believe they will be found to extend through 
 every variety of human life, to the utmost 
 range of human feeling. Is it not to escape 
 this suffering that the man of unsound prin- 
 ciples too frequently applies himself to dis- 
 honorable means that the suicide prepares 
 the deadly draught and that the emigrant 
 sometimes forsakes his native land, and con- 
 signs himself to the solitude of unpeopled 
 wilds ? In short, what more remains within 
 the range of human capability, which man has 
 not done, with the hope of flying from the 
 horrors attendant upon the falling away of his 
 pecuniary means? 
 
 When the reality of this suffering is ac- 
 knowledged, as it must be by all who look 
 upon society as it exists at the present mo- 
 ment ; the next subject of importance is, to 
 consider how the suffering can be obviated, 
 and its fatal effects upon the peace and hap- 
 piness of society prevented. 
 
 The most immediate means that could be 
 made to operate upon woman would unques- 
 tionably be by implanting in her mind a deeper 
 and more rational foundation of thought and 
 feeling to put a stop to that endless variety 
 of ill-natured gossip which relates to the want 
 of elegance, or fashionable air in certain per- 
 sons' dress and manner of living ; so that 
 there should be no questioning, " What will 
 be thought of my wearing this dress again ?" 
 " What will Miss P., or Mrs. W. say, if they 
 see our old curtains ?" " What can the John- 
 sons mean by travelling outside V " What 
 will the people at church or chapel say, when 
 they see your shabby veil?" "I positively 
 don't believe the Wilsons can afford a new 
 carpet, or they would surely have one ; and 
 they have discontinued their subscription to 
 our book-society."
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 97 
 
 It is neither grateful nor profitable to pur- 
 sue these remarks any further than as they 
 serve for specimens of that most contempti- 
 ble of small-talk, which yet exercises a pow- 
 erful influence over the female mind so much 
 so, that I have known the whole fabric of a 
 woman's philosophy entirely overthrown, and 
 her peace of mind for the moment destroyed, 
 by the simple question, whether she had no 
 other dress than the one she was so often 
 seen to wear. 
 
 There is another instance that occurs to me 
 as illustrating, in a striking manner, the sub- 
 ject immediately under consideration : it is 
 that of wearing mourning for a deceased rel- 
 ative. This custom is so generally acknow- 
 ledged as desirable, that it needs no recom- 
 mendation from my pen. One would suppose, 
 however, on a superficial view of it, that the 
 wearing of black, as a general costume indi- 
 cative of the absence of festivity or merriment 
 from the bereaved family, was all that had 
 been originally intended by this custom ; and 
 that it should thus become an outward testi- 
 mony of respect and sorrow for the dead. 
 
 The fashion of the world, however, has im- 
 posed upon this custom, as applies to females, 
 certain restrictions, and additions so expen- 
 sive in their nature as to render it rather an 
 article of luxury to wear genteel mourning, 
 or that which is indicative of the deepest 
 grief. It interferes but little with the sorrow 
 and seclusion of a recent bereavement, for the 
 mistress of ample means to give orders for an 
 external exemplification of precisely the de- 
 gree of sorrow supposed to attend upon the 
 loss of a parent, or a distant relative. But 
 when the means of pecuniary expenditure 
 are extremely small, and the materials for 
 appearing properly in public have to be made 
 up at home, and prepared for use within a 
 very limited time, it is evident that greater 
 regard to the sacredness of sorrow would 
 suggest the desirableness of a less elaborate 
 style of dress, or perhaps a dress not abso- 
 lutely new for the occasion. Ladies, how- 
 ever, and those who have been accustomed 
 to make gentility the primary rule of their 
 conduct, must mourn genteelly; and, conse- 
 
 quently, there are often scenes of bustling 
 preparation, of invention, and studious ar- 
 rangement scenes, upon which, if a stranger 
 should look in, he would see an appearance of 
 activity, and interest, almost amounting to 
 amusement, in the very house where the shut- 
 ters are still closed ; and which are wholly at 
 variance with the silence and the sanctity of 
 a deep and solemn grief. 
 
 Nor is this all. So extremely becoming 
 and lady-like is the fashionable style of mourn- 
 ing, that, under the plea of paying greater re- 
 spect to the memory of the dead, it has be- 
 come an object of ambition to wear it in its 
 greatest excellence ; and equally an object of 
 dread, and source of humiliation, to be com- 
 pelled to wear it in an inferior style. Thus, 
 when the loss of a father is attended with the 
 failure of his pecuniary resources, it adds no 
 little to the grief into which his daughters are 
 plunged, to be under the necessity of appear- 
 ing so soon after their twofold loss, under such 
 an outward sign of poverty as is generally 
 understood by the world to be betrayed by 
 cheap and humble mourning. 
 
 It is evident that if the preparation of mourn- 
 ing had never been reduced to a system so 
 many folds of crape for a parent so many 
 for a sister, and so on the peculiar style in 
 which it might be made up would never have 
 obtained half its present importance, and re- 
 spectable women, of fallen fortunes, might 
 then have appeared in public with the credil 
 of paying as much honor to the memory of the 
 dead, as the more wealthy ; nay, they might 
 even have been so absorbed in their heart- 
 rending loss, and in all the solemn and affect- 
 ing impressions it was calculated to inspire, 
 as to forget to have any new preparation for 
 the occasion, and might, without loss of re- 
 spectability, appear again in those accustomed 
 habiliments of darkness and gloom which for- 
 mer instances of family affliction and bereave- 
 ment had been the means of bringing into use. 
 I mention the instance of mourning, not be- 
 cause it iiffers materially from many others, 
 but because it appears to me to illustrate 
 clearly and strikingly the degree of shame 
 and trouble, and perplexity, in which women
 
 GENERAL HABITS OF 
 
 are involved by ."the habit of attaching too 
 much importance to the usages of society. I 
 know that it is beneficial to the character and 
 the morals of women, that their good name 
 should be guarded from every breath of re- 
 proach ; and that the wholesome restrictions 
 of society are absolutely necessary to prevent 
 them from sometimes venturing too far under 
 the influence of generous and disinterested 
 feeling. But my remarks apply exclusively 
 to cases where their moral worth would be 
 established, not endangered; and I would 
 earnestly request my countrywomen to bear 
 in mind the immense difference between de- 
 viating from the rules of fashion, and break- 
 ing through the wholesome restrictions of 
 prudence. 
 
 I have spoken in strong terms of the suf- 
 ferings and inconveniences incident to women, 
 from their slavery to the opinion of the world ; 
 but were this consideration all that had to be 
 taken into account, they would unquestiona- 
 bly have a right to adjust the balance, and 
 act according to their own choice. 
 
 There is, however, a far more important 
 question connected with this subject and 
 that is, the question of integrity. 
 
 If there be one moral quality for which 
 England as a nation is distinguished above 
 all others, I should say it was her integrity : 
 integrity in her intercourse with other na- 
 tions ; integrity in the administration of her 
 government and laws ; integrity in the sound 
 hearts and honorable feelings of her patriotic 
 sons. 
 
 And shall her daughters be less solicitous 
 to uphold this high standard of moral worth ? 
 They answer " No !" But they are perhaps 
 not all aware of the encroaching and insidi- 
 ous nature of artificial wants, and tastes, and 
 habits, founded upon the fashion of the times 
 rather than upon any lasting principle of 
 right They are not all aware, that to dress 
 and live beyond their means, is a species of 
 public robbery ; and that even if every law- 
 ful debt is paid, and the balance struck with- 
 out injury to character or credit, there are 
 still the poor, the starving, hungry, helpless 
 poor, unsatisfied with bread. They have 
 
 therefore the strong claims both of justice 
 and benevolence to fulfil, before the integrity 
 of their Christian character can be complete. 
 
 With regard to general benevolence, and 
 charity to the poor, we are apt to deceive 
 ourselves to an extent which would be be- 
 yond our belief, were we not convinced by 
 the observation of every day, that few, very 
 few of those even in the middle ranks of 
 life few even of those tender-hearted fe- 
 males who are so painfully affected by every 
 exhibition of human misery do any thing at 
 all commensurate with their means, towards 
 alleviating the suffering which is to be found 
 among the poor. 
 
 I am not inclined to attach any high de- 
 gree of merit to the mere act of giving money 
 to the poor, because I esteem it a luxury to 
 be thus instrumental in relieving their press- 
 ing difficulties ; and I am also in considera- 
 ble doubt whether this js the best method of 
 relieving them. The point I am about to re- 
 mark upon, however, is the extreme incon- 
 sistency of those longings, so prevalent 
 among ladies, thaj; they could give to the 
 poor, and the lamentations they frequently 
 utter relating to the absolute necessity they 
 are under of not giving more. We find them 
 elegantly dressed, dwelling among costly fur- 
 niture, and denying themselves nothing which 
 their wealthier neighbors enjoy ; and all the 
 while they do so wish they could give more 
 to the poor ! 
 
 I confess it sickens the heart, and wearies 
 the mind, to listen to absurdities like this. 
 If these individuals would but let the matter 
 rest, and be content to be fashionable without 
 pretending to be generous, half their culpa- 
 bility would cease to exist But they go on 
 to explain to you how their station in life, 
 and their credit in society, require them to 
 dress and live in a certain way, and how 
 they consider themselves doing a benefit to 
 their country by their encouragement of its 
 manufactures. ' It would not be inappropriate 
 to ask them, as they enter a fashionable and 
 expensive establishment to purchase some 
 costly articles of dress, whether they are do- 
 ing it in reality for the benefit of their country ?
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 99 
 
 and there might be seasons when it would be 
 equally appropriate to inquire, whether they 
 prefer their appearance before the world, to 
 the spiritual consolation of having made the 
 injunctions of their blessed Saviour the rule 
 of their conduct 
 
 The measure of charity which it is our 
 duty to bestow upon the poor, is a point of 
 very difficult adjustment, as well as the man- 
 ner we may choose to adopt in the distribu- 
 tion of our means. We cannot properly 
 make ourselves the judge of a brother or a 
 sister, in these respects. But if we have 
 sufficient resources for the purchase of luxu- 
 ries, it is in vain to pretend that we cannot 
 give to the poor ; and if we will not spare a 
 little out of our little, we cannot expect to be 
 belie ved when we boast of the pleasure it 
 would afford us to be charitable with more. 
 
 There are noble instances afforded by wo- 
 men in the middle classes of society in Eng- 
 land, of what can really be done in the way 
 of benevolence, in a persevering and unob- 
 trusive manner, which it is truly refreshing 
 to the soul to contemplate. And I would 
 earnestly recommend my young countrywo- 
 men to look diligently to these, and to ask 
 whether they cannot go and do likewise, 
 rather than to accustom themselves to the 
 dangerous habit of inquiring whether they 
 cannot afford to purchase what is fashiona- 
 ble and becoming to a lady, even when it is 
 not necessary for comfort or respectability. 
 By this means they would at least be able to 
 attain a degree of merit ; for if they did not 
 go to the extent of the truly devoted and 
 praiseworthy, they might avoid involving 
 themselves in that interminable chain of ex- 
 pensive contingencies, which are sure to fol- 
 low, if we set out in life by making it our first 
 object of ambition to stand well with the 
 world, and to accommodate our dress and 
 mode of living to that which is most admired 
 in society. 
 
 The fallacious mode of reasoning induced 
 by too slavish a conformity to the fashions 
 and the customs of the world, creates an 
 endless series of entanglements most fatally 
 seductive to woman's better feelings. The 
 
 fact of having, or not having, absolute debts 
 unpaid, seems to be, with most young ladies, 
 the boundary-line of their morality, as relates 
 to their pecuniary affairs ; and well would it 
 be if all were strictly scrupulous even to this 
 extent Within this line, however, there may 
 be deviations from the integrity of a noble, 
 generous, and enlightened mind, which yet 
 the world takes no cognizance of, and which 
 do not materially affect the character, as it is 
 judged of by society in general. 
 
 I have said that the world is an unjust 
 judge, and in no instance is it more so than 
 in this. The world pays homage to an ex- 
 pensive, elegant, and lady-like appearance, 
 but it takes little note of the principle that 
 would condemn this appearance, if it could 
 not be maintained without encroachment up- 
 on a parent's limited means. The restric- 
 tions of civil law refer only to the payment of 
 pecuniary debts ; and when these are dis- 
 charged, we may appear without reproach 
 before society. But happily for us, we have 
 a higher standard of moral duty; and the 
 integrity of the Christian character requires 
 a strict observance of points of conduct un- 
 seen by society, and perhaps known only to 
 ourselves, and to the great Searcher of hu- 
 man hearts, by whose judgment we must 
 stand or fall. 
 
 Reasoning, then, upon these subjects, from 
 higher principles, we clearly perceive that we 
 have no right to indulge ourselves with luxu- 
 ries, or to purchase the countenance and fa- 
 vor of society, at the expense of a parent's 
 peace, or by the sacrifice of the comforts of 
 his old age. We have no right to encroach 
 upon means not strictly and lawfully our 
 own, even though they should be granted to 
 our necessities, for more than belongs to ac- 
 tual decency of appearance, and sufficiency 
 of subsistence, except in those cases where it 
 is the desire of wealthy friends or relatives 
 that we should be adorned and supplied at 
 their expense. We have no right, and no 
 woman of good feeling would wish to estab- 
 lish a right, to dress and live at the extreme 
 of expenditure which a father, by nothing less 
 than hourly and incessant toil, can obtain the
 
 100 
 
 HABITS AND CHARACTER OF 
 
 means of affording. We have no right to 
 make presents, and thus obtain the meed of 
 gratitude and admiration for our generosity, 
 with money which is immediately transmit- 
 ted from our father's hand for that especial 
 purpose, while our own resources remain un- 
 diminished, our own private store of treas- 
 ures undivided, and our circumstances whol- 
 ly unaffected. 
 
 I do not say that to each one of the im- 
 mense variety of daily and familiar actions, 
 which might be classed under this head> there 
 attaches the highest degree of actual culpa- 
 bility. They are rather instances of encroach- 
 ment, than of absolute injustice and wrong, 
 But I do say that the habit of encroaching, 
 just so far as decency will permit, and as oc- 
 casion seems to warrant, upon all that is 
 noble and generous, upright and kind, in hu- 
 man conduct, has a fatal tendency to corrupt 
 the heart, while it produces at the same time 
 a deadening effect upon the highest and ho- 
 liest aspirations of the soul. 
 
 What answer can be made by such a soul 
 to the secret questionings of its internal mon- 
 itor? Or how shall we appeal to the gra- 
 cious and merciful Creator of the universe, 
 who has given us all this glorious world for 
 our enjoyment, and all the elements of nature 
 for our use ; who has looked upon us in our 
 degiadation, and pitied our infirmities, and 
 opened the gates of heaven, that his mercy 
 might descend to us in a palpable and hu- 
 man form, and that we might receive the 
 conditions of his offered pardon, be healed, 
 and live ? how shall we appeal to him in 
 our private prayers, or stand before him in 
 the public sanctuary, with this confession on 
 our lips that just so far as man could ap- 
 prove or condemn our actions, we have 
 deemed it expedient to be just ; but that 
 to him, and to the Saviour of our souls, we 
 have grudged the incense of a willing mind ; 
 and therefore we have enhanced our pleas- 
 ures, and gratified our pride, and fed our 
 selfishness, by all those trifling, yet forbid- 
 den means, which he has pronounced to be 
 offensive in his sight ? 
 
 Besides these considerations, there is one 
 
 of immeasurable importance, connected with 
 our conduct in the sight of God. No hu- 
 man mind can set a bound, or prescribe a 
 measure, to its voluntary deviations from the 
 line of duty. We have been supposing a 
 case in which these deviations are extremely 
 minute, and yet so numerous as to form as 
 it were a circle round the heart a circle 
 of evil. Imagine, then, this circle widening, 
 and widening, year after year, through the 
 seasons of youth and maturity, and the 
 dreary winter of old age. What an awful 
 and melancholy spectacle does the state of 
 that heart present, enclosed as it were in a 
 deleterious atmosphere, and growing perpet- 
 ually colder and more callous by exclusion 
 from the blessed light of heaven ! 
 
 Oh ! let us not begin to breathe this dead- 
 ly atmosphere ! And you who are yet in- 
 experienced in the ways of human life, 
 whose habits are not formed, whose paths 
 not chosen, whose line of conduct not decid- 
 ed, what a blessing would it be to you, both 
 in this world and in the world to come, were 
 you to choose iha.t,belter part, that would en- 
 able you to look with a single eye to what is 
 most acceptable in the Divine sight, and most 
 in accordance with the will of God ; leaving 
 the embellishments of person, the luxuries of 
 taste, and the appropriation of worldly es- 
 teem, to be enjoyed or relinquished with a 
 grateful and contented mind, just as your 
 heavenly Father may permit ; and bearing 
 always about with you, as a talisman against 
 the encroachments of evil, even in the most 
 simple or most specious form, the remem- 
 brance that none of these things are worthy 
 of a single wish, if they must necessarily be 
 obtained by the violation of his laws, or ac- 
 companied by the tokens of his displeasure ! 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 HABITS AND CHARACTER INTELLECTUAL AT- 
 TAINMENTS EMPLOYMENT OF TIME MORAL 
 
 COUKAGE RIGHT BALANCE OF MIND. 
 
 To those gentle readers who have been 
 kind enough to accompany me through the
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 101 
 
 foregoing pages, and who feel inclined to ex- 
 ercise their forbearance towards me through 
 a few more, I feel that some apology, or 
 rather some explanation, is necessary for the 
 manner in which I have so often been com- 
 pelled to speak of the extraordinary ambition 
 manifested by my countrywomen, in the 
 present day, to make themselves mistress of 
 every possible variety of intellectual attain- 
 ment that can be acquired at school ; and I 
 cannot help fearing that many of my remarks 
 may appear to have been written with a view 
 to depreciate the value of these treasures of 
 mind, and, as far as my single influence may 
 extend, to deter others from the pursuit of 
 ; them. 
 
 So far from this, I would repeat, if possi- 
 ble, in words which could not be forgotten, 
 my firm conviction that no human being can 
 learn too much, so that their sphere of intel- 
 ligence does not extend to what is evil. But, 
 while the accumulation of a vast store of 
 knowledge is one of the objects we have in 
 view in the culture of the mind, we must not 
 forget that it is by no means the only one. 
 In rearing an infant, we not only supply its 
 appetite with food, but also find it necessary 
 to teach it the habit, and assist it in the pow- 
 er, of exercising its limbs ; we guide its steps, 
 and, as far as we are able, give it just notions 
 of exercising its bodily functions with the best 
 effect. 
 
 To feed the mind, then, is but a small part 
 of our duty. If we leave it helpless and in- 
 ert, without ability to exercise its various 
 powers, and judgment to exercise them 
 aright, the most important portion of that 
 duty is neglected. Thus far, I believe, all 
 who are employed in teaching the young will 
 go along with me, for their experience must 
 afford strong evidence in favor of this state- 
 ment There are some points, however, in 
 which, it appears to me, they have allowed 
 the fashion of the times to render their sys- 
 tem of instruction extremely defective. But, 
 for this, I am by no means prepared to say 
 that they are in any degree to blame ; be- 
 cause they have the taste of the times to con- 
 sult ; and they would obtain little credit for 
 
 making our young women what they ought 
 to be, if that taste was not correct 
 
 With regard to moral discipline, or that 
 mode of instruction by which women would 
 be fitted for their domestic and social duties, 
 I have expressed my opinion in an earlier 
 chapter of this work, and, with regard to in- 
 tellectual culture, I hope to be pardoned if I 
 now venture a few remarks. 
 
 It appears to me, in looking abroad upon 
 society, and contemplating the immense va- 
 riety of mental attainments which prevail 
 among the young women of the present day, 
 that they are in imminent danger of suppos- 
 ing, when they have acquired a vast amount 
 of verbal knowledge, that the great work of 
 education is done. They are, in short, in 
 danger of mistaking the means for the end ; 
 and of resting satisfied that they are wiser 
 than the generation before them. 
 
 In the acquirement of languages this is 
 particularly the case. A young lady obtains 
 the reputation of being clever, when she has 
 made herself mistress of several languages ; 
 and with this she is generally satisfied ; while 
 she ought to remember that she has but 
 gained possession, as it were, of the keys of 
 vast storehouses of knowledge, for the use of 
 which she is responsible to society. 
 
 Again, in the pursuit of science, there is a 
 technicality that strikes the ear, and gives an 
 idea of vast superiority in the way of attain- 
 ments ; and there are facts that may be im- 
 pressed upon the memory, without the mind 
 being in any way enlarged or enlightened by 
 the reception of them. It is easy, for in- 
 stance, to talk of botany, without the thoughts 
 at any time extending themselves to the gen- 
 eral economy of vegetation ; and of astrono- 
 my, so as to tell the distances of different 
 planets, without the soul being penetrated by 
 one ray of illumination from the wisdom 
 which designed, and which controls the star- 
 ry heavens. It is easy to attend a few scien- 
 tific lectures, and to return home talking of 
 the names of gases, and of some of the most 
 striking phenomena of electricity, the gal- 
 vanic battery, and other popular exhibitions 
 of the lecture-room ; but it requires a totally
 
 102 
 
 HABITS AND CHARACTER OF 
 
 different process of mind to take a general 
 survey of the laws of the universe, and to 
 bow before the conviction that all must have 
 been created by a hand divine. 
 
 From our observations of rural or roman- 
 tic scenery, it is easy to babble about woods 
 and waterfalls, about the ruggedness of 
 mountains, and the grandeur of the raging 
 sea ; but it does not follow as a necessary 
 consequence that we have formed any con- 
 ception of the idea of abstract beauty, or of 
 the reverential, but admiring awe, which true 
 sublimity is calculated to inspire. It does 
 not follow that we shall have learned to im- 
 body in the elements of nature those subtler 
 essences of spirit and of mind, which, to the 
 poetical and imaginative, people every desert, 
 and render vocal with melody the silence of 
 night 
 
 It may be said, that in this busy world 
 there is little employment for the imagina- 
 tion little scope for the exercise of poetical 
 associations. I grant for I am compelled to 
 do so that poetry should be elbowed out of 
 our working world to make room for ma- 
 chinery ; but I see no reason why the same 
 train of thought, and course of reasoning, 
 should not be carried on. I grant that the 
 materials are different ; but why should we 
 not still endeavor to raise an altar in our 
 minds for a higher, holier worship than that 
 of the mammon of this world 1 Why should 
 we fix our attention solely upon the material 
 part of the universe, satisfying ourselves 
 with the names of substantial things, with 
 their variety, classification, and physical 
 properties? Why should we confine our- 
 selves to counting the pillars in the temple 
 of nature, computing its magnitude and 
 measuring its height, without referring all 
 our calculations, through the highest range 
 of imagination, to the wonder-working power 
 of the great Artificer ? 
 
 It may be said that we dwell too much in 
 cities, and lead too artificial a life, to be able 
 to perceive the instrumentality of Divine 
 Wisdom in all the events that pass beneath 
 our observation. If this be the case, there is 
 the more need that we should rouse our- 
 
 selves by fresh efforts, to penetrate beyond 
 the polished surface of the world in which 
 we live, into the deeper mysteries that lie be- 
 yond there is the more need that we should 
 endeavor to perceive, in the practical affairs 
 of busy life, those great principles by which 
 the laws of nature are governed, and the 
 system of the universe upheld. 
 
 If, for instance, we live in the heart of a 
 thickly-peopled city, with the rush of its busy 
 multitudes around us, and the labor of man's 
 hand, and the efforts of his ingenuity, perpet- 
 ually before our eyes, there is no reason why 
 we should look only at the splendor of its 
 manufactured articles, amuse our fancy with 
 the outward aspect of its varied exhibitions 
 of art, or regard with disgust the occupations 
 of the mechanic, because he handles the raw 
 material, and touches what is gross. Would 
 it not be more consistent with the exercise of 
 an enlightened mind, to contemplate the won- 
 ders of that power which the Creator has in- 
 trusted to the use of man, so that he lays 
 hold, as it were, of the elements of nature, 
 and makes them submit to his will 7 Night 
 falls not with stillness and repose upon the 
 city ; but we walk as through a living blaze : 
 and shall we pass on, like children, pleased 
 with the glitter and the show, without reflecting 
 that man has been able to convert the darkest 
 substance from the bowels of the earth into 
 the very source of all this light ! Mountains 
 and valleys, tracts of land and floods of wa- 
 ter, intervene between us and our distant 
 friends ; but we fly to them with a rapidity 
 which, a few years ago, would have been 
 pronounced, even by philosophers, impossi- 
 ble. And shall we move like senseless mat- 
 ter, even through the very heart of the moun- 
 tain, calculating only the speed at which we 
 travel, without awaking to the momentous 
 fact, that by the ingenuity of man, mere va- 
 por, proverbial as it is for its weakness, emp- 
 tiness, and nothingness in the creation, has 
 been converted into the master-power by 
 which the mighty operations of men are car- 
 ried on ? We take our daily walks through 
 the bustling city, and gaze at the splendid 
 exhibitions of taste, and learn the names of
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 103 
 
 those who are most skilled in music and 
 painting, and all the sister arts ; and we 
 speak in the cant terms that are most in 
 vogue, and think we display superiority of 
 mind and intelligence to use them well ; but 
 should we not at the same time cultivate the 
 habit of bearing in remembrance the un- 
 changing principles of beauty, and of refer- 
 ring back to them whatever is offered to our 
 admiration in the form of art! 
 
 We speak of the degrading cares and sor- 
 did views that occupy the working world; 
 but how have we endeavored to pass beyond 
 these, and to connect them with the world 
 of thought! We hear of the vast amount 
 of labor carried on, and the relative expenses 
 incurred, and the different things that can be 
 made and done within a given time : but why 
 should we not sometimes make a transition 
 of thought from the material, to the means 
 of working it from the means, to the power 
 and from the power that is imparted, to 
 the Creator who imparts. To-day the me- 
 chanic plies his busy tools. To-morrow his 
 hand may have become rigid and motionless 
 beneath the stroke of death. Thousands and 
 tens of thousands pass away from the scene 
 of their labors, but the labor still goes on ; for 
 the laws of nature change not, and the prin- 
 ciples upon which the labor of man is carried 
 into effect, remain the same. 
 
 We are too apt, because we mingle in popu- 
 lous and busy scenes, and feel the necessity 
 of moving with the tide, to forget that what 
 we see and hear, what is obvious to the 
 senses and palpable to the touch, is not all 
 that we live for, or even all that we live 
 amongst We should endeavor to find 
 breathing- times even amidst the hurry and 
 the rush of present things. We should 
 sometimes pause among the multitude, and 
 listen mentally, to the beating of the mighty 
 pulse of a tumultuous city, and ask, whether 
 the Creator and Sustainer of this living mass 
 is not beholding the operation of the various 
 powers he has set in motion, marking its de- 
 fects, supplying its deficiencies, and sustain- 
 ing the stupendous whole. We should then 
 be enabled to perceive something of the 
 
 working of the inner plan, how one class of 
 human beings depends upon another how 
 the principles of justice establish checks and 
 counter-checks, so that no single power shall 
 be predominant ; how poverty and riches al- 
 ternate, and how the vices of the bad are 
 made to call forth the virtues of the good ; 
 and by renewing our conviction that God is 
 indeed here, as well as present to the more 
 peaceful and harmonious portions of his cre- 
 ation, we should renew our faith, and enjoy 
 perpetual refreshment for our souls. 
 
 What we most want in education, then, is 
 to invest material things with the attributes 
 of mind ; and we want this more and more, as 
 commerce, and arts and manufactures increase 
 in importance and extent We want it more 
 and more to give interest to our familiar and 
 necessary occupations ; and we want it espe- 
 cially, that we may assist in redeeming the 
 character of English men from the mere ani- 
 mal, or rather, the^mere mechanical state, into 
 which, from the nature and urgency of their 
 occupations, they are in danger of falling. 
 
 We want it also for ourselves ; for a time 
 seems to be approaching, when the middle 
 class of society in England will have to be 
 subdivided ; and when the lower portion of 
 this class will of necessity have to turn their 
 attention to a different style of living, and to 
 different modes of occupation, thought, and 
 feeling. At present all this class are educa- 
 ted nearly upon the same plan. The happi- 
 ness of society, and our moral necessities, 
 will surely, before long, suggest the import- 
 ance of females of this class being fitted for 
 something very different from drawing-room 
 exhibitions. 
 
 All that I have written in this volume, im- 
 perfect as it is, has been stimulated by a de- 
 sire to increase the moral worth of my coun- 
 trywomen, and enhance the domestic happi- 
 ness of my native land. In order that this 
 should be done effectually, it seems to me in- 
 dispensably necessary, that women, whose 
 parents are possessed of slender means, or 
 engaged in business, and who can with ex- 
 treme difficulty accomplish even so much as 
 what is called "making their way," that
 
 104 
 
 HABITS AND CHARACTER OP 
 
 women in this class should be educated, not 
 simply for ladies, but for useful and active 
 members of society and for this purpose, 
 that they also should consider it no degrada- 
 tion to render their activity conducive to the 
 purposes of trade. 
 
 It is a curious anomaly in the structure of 
 modern society, that gentlemen may employ 
 their hours of business in almost any degrad- 
 ing occupation, and if they have but the 
 means of supporting a respectable establish- 
 ment at home, may be gentlemen still ; while, 
 if a lady does but touch any article, no mat- 
 ter how delicate, in the way of trade, she 
 loses caste, and ceases to be a lady. 
 
 I say this with all possible respect for those 
 who have the good sense and the moral 
 courage to employ themselves in the business 
 of their fathers and their husbands, rather 
 than to remain idle and dependent ; because 
 I know that many of them are ladies in the 
 best acceptation of the word ladies in the 
 delicacy and propriety of their feelings, and 
 more than ladies in the noble dignity of their 
 general conduct Still I doubt not they have 
 had their difficulties to encounter from the 
 influence of public opinion, and that their 
 generous feelings have been often wounded 
 by the vulgar prejudices prevailing in socie- 
 ty against their mode of life. 
 
 With the improvements of art, and the in- 
 crease of manufactures, there must be an in- 
 creased demand for mechanics and work- 
 people of every description ; and supposing 
 English society to be divided, as it soon must 
 be, into four classes, there surely can be no 
 reason why the second class of females should 
 not be so trained as to partake in the advan- 
 tages resulting from this extended sphere of 
 active and useful occupation. 
 
 The only field at present open for what is 
 considered lady-like employment, is that of 
 educating the young; and hence the number 
 of accomplished young women, too refined 
 for common usefulness, whose claims to pub- 
 lic attention as governesses tend so much to 
 reduce the value of their services in that im- 
 portant sphere. 
 
 There are however, many descriptions of 
 
 occupation connected with business in its va- 
 ried forms, which are by no means polluting 
 to the touch, or degrading to the mind ; and 
 it would be an unspeakable advantage to 
 hundreds of young females, if, instead of use- 
 less accomplishments, they could be instructed 
 in these. In addition to all kinds of fancy 
 millinery, the entire monopoly of which they 
 might surely be permitted to enjoy, I would 
 point out especially to their attention, the art 
 of drawing patterns for the muslin and calico 
 printers, an occupation which appears pecu- 
 liarly adapted to the female taste, and which 
 might be carried on without the least en- 
 croachment upon the seclusion of domestic 
 life, and the delicacy of the female character. 
 I have been led to understand that this branch 
 of business is almost exclusively carried on 
 by men ; and I cannot but regret, that an 
 employment, which offers a tempting luxury 
 to those who suffer from the combined evils 
 of idleness and scanty means, should not also 
 be rendered productive of pecuniary benefit 
 to women. 
 
 It seems, however, to be from this pecuniary 
 benefit that they shrink ; for when we observe 
 the nature of their daily occupations, their 
 common stitchery, their worsted work, their 
 copied music, their ingeniously-invented arti- 
 cles for bazaars, it would be difficult to say in 
 what sense they are more agreeable, or more 
 dignified, than many branches of art con- 
 nected with trade. It must, therefore, be the 
 fact of receiving money for what they do, 
 which renders the latter so objectionable ; 
 and it is a strange paradox in our daily ex- 
 perience, that this money should all the while 
 be the very thing of which they are most in 
 want 
 
 The degradation of what is vulgarly called 
 making their own living, is, I believe, the ob- 
 stacle of paramount difficulty ; and therefore 
 it is to reduce this difficulty, and to render it 
 more easily surmountable, that our solicitude 
 for the well-being of society, with all our 
 influence, and all our talent, ought to be 
 employed. 
 
 It is in vain to argue in such cases, that 
 individuals have no right to think and feel as
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 105 
 
 they do that women ought to be wiser than 
 to consider themselves degraded by working 
 for their own subsistence ; while such is the 
 constitution of society, and such the early 
 bias of the female mind, that it is almost im- 
 possible they should do otherwise. The great 
 point to be gained, is to penetrate at once to 
 the root of the matter, and to begin by a dif- 
 ferent system of education, to render moral 
 courage the courage to do what is right 
 the first principle of female conduct. 
 
 What a world of misery this single prin- 
 ciple of action, thoroughly grafted into the 
 character, would spare the sons and daugh- 
 ters of men ! 
 
 I am inclined to think the foundation of 
 moral courage must be laid in very early life, 
 so as to render it effectual in bearing us up 
 under the trials of maturer age ; and it is not 
 only to elevate the general character of my 
 countrywomen, but to spare them at least 
 half the sufferings they now endure, that I 
 would most earnestly recommend them, in 
 cultivating the mind, to cultivate also the in- 
 estimable power of exercising moral courage, 
 whenever the claims of duty are set in oppo- 
 sition to the opinions of the world. 
 
 For want of moral courage, how many 
 misunderstandings do we leave unsettled 
 among our friends, until 
 
 " The lightly uttered, careless word," 
 
 the thoughtless action, or the false report, are 
 allowed to poison the very springs of affec- 
 tion, and to separate the dearest friends ! 
 For want of moral courage, how often, and 
 how fatally, do we fail in the sacred duty of 
 reproving what we see amiss, until the evil 
 grows and magnifies, and extends itself, and 
 becomes so obvious to general perception, 
 that we scruple not to join in its condemna- 
 tion, forgetting that our own want of faith- 
 fulness may possibly be chargeable with its 
 existence ! 
 
 For want of moral courage, how do we 
 sink, and see others sinking every day, un- 
 der the pressure of those pecuniary difficul- 
 ties which I have already described, until we 
 are guilty of almost every species of paltry 
 
 meanness, to support an appearance of re- 
 spectability before the world, forgetting that 
 the grand foundation of all respectability of 
 character, is an honorable, independent, and 
 upright mind ! For want of moral courage, 
 how often do we stoop and cringe, and sub- 
 mit to contumely, and eat the bread of hu- 
 miliation, and wear the rich garments that 
 ought to cover us with shame, because we 
 are despicable enough to live upon what is 
 not lawfully our own, and what is often 
 granted without good-will, and received with- 
 out satisfaction ! 
 
 Oh! that the women of England would 
 rouse themselves with one accord, to break 
 these galling chains ! to exemplify in their 
 own conduct, and to teach their daughters, 
 that there is no earthly enjoyment, no per- 
 sonal embellishment, no selfish gratification, 
 worth the sacrifice of just and honorable 
 feeling that the humblest occupation, un- 
 dertaken from a sense of duty, becomes en- 
 nobled in the motive by which it is prompted, 
 and that the severest self-denial may be 
 blessed and honored by the Father of mer- 
 cies, if endured in preference to an infringe- 
 ment upon those laws which he has laid 
 down for the government of the human 
 family. 
 
 There is another point of view, in which it 
 appears to me that the present character of 
 the women of England is extremely defective. 
 It is as regards a right balance of mind ; or, 
 in other words, a just estimate of the rela- 
 tive importance of things in general. 
 
 From the natural construction of the mind 
 of woman, from the quickness of her per- 
 ceptions, and the intensity of her momentary 
 feelings, she is apt to lay hold of every thing 
 calculated immediately to strike her fancy, or 
 to excite her emotions, with an earnestness 
 that excludes the possibility of her mind be- 
 ing kept alive to other impressions, even 
 more essential to her happiness, and more 
 important in themselves. 
 
 Hence, we find in society, that women too 
 frequently invest the affairs of the moment, 
 the circumstances occurring around them, 
 and their own personal experience, with a
 
 106 
 
 HABITS AND CHARACTER OF 
 
 degree of interest wholly incomprehensible 
 to strangers, and often utterly contemptible 
 to men. I do not I will not believe that 
 women are inferior to what is called the 
 noble sex, in the moral world ; but I do be- 
 lieve that from this very cause arises more 
 than half the contumely bestowed upon their 
 littleness of character. It is not that they 
 want capacity or understanding to judge of 
 many things as well as men. It is that they 
 are so occupied with what is obvious on the 
 surface of things, that they will not look be- 
 yond ; and hence their unceasing propensity 
 to trifle, and to render themselves apparently 
 inferior to what they really are. 
 
 This is the great leading defect in woman's 
 character ; and it is the more to be regretted, 
 that it presents to her mind innumerable 
 sources of disquietude, which, with a more 
 correct perception of the relative value of 
 things, she might escape. She is apt, for in- 
 stance, to attach as much importance, for the 
 time, to the failure of her own musical per- 
 formance, as to the failure of a bank ; and 
 she appears to care little for the invasion of 
 a foreign country, when injury is threatened 
 to her best attire. It is no trifling humilia- 
 tion to those who mix in society, if they have 
 been accustomed to raise their views a little 
 higher in the contemplation of nature and 
 of human life, to be perpetually persecuted, 
 in the midst of agreeable and intelligent con- 
 versation, with questions about the minutiae 
 of dress and conduct in some limited and 
 local sphere of observation. 
 
 I would not speak thus contemptuously of 
 the familiar habits of my sex, if I did not 
 know that they were capable of something 
 better, and if I did not desire as I desire their 
 good and their happiness that they would 
 rouse themselves above this paltry littleness, 
 and learn to become, what I am confident 
 they might be, not only equal, but interesting 
 and instructive companions to men. 
 
 I have before remarked, that there is now, 
 more than ever, a demand for the exercise 
 of their highest powers, and their noblest 
 energies, to counteract the effects of unre- 
 mitting toil in obtaining the perishing things 
 
 of this life. There is a greater demand than 
 ever upon their capabilities of enhancing so- 
 cial and domestic happiness ; and there is 
 an equal demand for the exercise I have 
 already recommended, of the power they 
 possess of investing what is material with 
 the attributes of mind. 
 
 The littleness of character I have just de- 
 scribed is one of the chief causes why they 
 are not so estimable as they might be in their 
 homes, or so interesting as they are capable 
 of being in then* conversation with men. 
 And thus their husbands and their brothers 
 are becoming increasingly attracted by the 
 political associations, and the public calls 
 now leading them away from those domestic 
 scenes which offer little to excite the atten- 
 tion, or fascinate the mind. 
 
 It may be said, that English women in the 
 present day are, in this respect at least, su- 
 perior to the generation before them. But 
 granting that they are so, the necessity for 
 further improvement remains the same, be- 
 cause the habits of men are progressively 
 involving them more deeply in the interests 
 of public life, so that unless some strenuous 
 efforts are made on the part of women, the 
 far-famed homes of England will lose their 
 boasted happiness, and with their happiness, 
 their value in the scale of our country's 
 moral worth. 
 
 This is a serious subject, and one which 
 ought to appeal to every mother's bosom 
 throughout our favored land. It ought to 
 be the solemn inquiry of every woman who 
 has the sacred duty of training up the young 
 committed to her trust, in what manner she 
 may best guard against this growing evil, so 
 as to stem the desolating tide which seems 
 to threaten our domestic peace. 
 
 Let her, then, after this solemn inquiry has 
 been made, endeavor to place herself, in idea, 
 in the situation of a traveller who ascends a 
 mountain, and look upon the varied aspects 
 of human life as he regards the scene pre- 
 sented to his view. At first he will be struck 
 with the magnitude of the rock he is climb- 
 ing, amused, perhaps, with the plants that 
 creep along its surface, and astonished with
 
 THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 107 
 
 the opening out of distant valleys, and broad 
 rivers rolling between other hills, amongst 
 which his eye had never penetrated before. 
 He advances a little higher, and sees other 
 views extending far and wide, and the pin- 
 nacle of rock he at first thought so stupen- 
 dous, diminishing beneath his feet higher 
 still, and the broad river, with its sweeping 
 tide, has shrunk into a silver thread still 
 higher, and the pinnacle of rock is imper- 
 ceptible, and he feels at last that he has 
 gained the actual summit of the highest 
 mountain, where he can compare the real 
 height and distances of objects, and perceive 
 how limited in comparison was the line 
 which formed the original boundary of his 
 vision how small and low, and compara- 
 tively contemptible, the highest eminence to 
 which he had then ascended. 
 
 It is in this manner that we ought to ac- 
 custom ourselves to realize those views of 
 human life, and that estimate of sublunary 
 things, that would bring all to the standard 
 of their real worth. 
 
 Judged of by this process, and tried by this 
 rule, how differently should we appreciate 
 the ordinary and familiar affairs of life ! 
 How little should we find to occupy our 
 thoughts, or engage our affections, in the 
 trifles that now constitute the actual business 
 of our lives how much should we find to 
 admire and value in what we now despise ! 
 
 It is to mothers, especially, that I would 
 recommend this method of adjusting the bal- 
 
 ance of the infant mind, because the longer 
 the weights are allowed to remain unequal, 
 and the balance untrue, the more extensive 
 must be the evil resulting from the erroneous 
 data upon which the youthful mind will rea- 
 son. And let them remember, that while the 
 mistakes of their management will probably 
 be exhibited more strikingly in the conduct 
 of their sons, their daughters will extend the 
 evil to a wider range of operation, by in- 
 stilling it again into the minds of another 
 generation. 
 
 It is not through a lifetime only, though 
 that were sufficient for our follies it may be 
 through the endless ages of eternity, that our 
 good or evil influence shall extend. I have 
 pointed out to my countrywomen, as I pur- 
 sued this work, the high ambition of preserv- 
 ing a nation from the dangers which threaten 
 the destruction of its moral worth ; but be- 
 yond this view, wide and exalted as it un- 
 questionably is, there opens out a field of 
 glory, upon which to enter might seem bless- 
 edness enough. Yet, when we contemplate 
 the possibility of being the means of inducing 
 others to enter with us, and those the most 
 beloved of earth's treasures, surely it is 
 worthy of our best energies our most fer- 
 vent zeal our tears our- prayers that we 
 may so use our influence, and so employ our 
 means, as that those whose happiness has 
 been committed to our care, may partake 
 with us in the enjoyment of the mansions of 
 eternal rest.
 
 THE 
 
 DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND: 
 
 THEIR 
 
 POSITION IN SOCIETY, CHARACTER, AND RESPONSIBILITIES. 
 
 BY MRS. ELLIS, 
 
 AUTHOR OF "THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND," "SONS OF THE SOIL," "HINTS TO MAKE 
 HOME HAPPY," AND "THE WIVES OF ENGLAND." 
 
 UNIFORM EDITION, 
 
 COMPLETE IN ONE VOLUME. 
 
 NEW-YORK: 
 
 HENRY G. LANGLEY, 8 ASTOR HOUSE. 
 
 1845.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 THERE can be no more gratifying cir- 
 cumstance to a writer, than to find that a 
 subject which has occupied her thoughts, 
 and employed her pen, has also been oc- 
 cupying the thoughts of thousands of her 
 fellow-beings ; but she is gratified in . a 
 still higher degree to find, that the pecu- 
 liar views she entertains on that subject, 
 are beginning to be entertained by a vast 
 number of the intelligent and thinking 
 part of the community, with whom she 
 was not previously aware of sharing, 
 either in their sympathy, or their con- 
 victions. 
 
 Such are the circumstances under 
 which " The Women of England " has 
 been received by the public, with a degree 
 of favor, which the merits of the work 
 alone would never have procured for it. 
 And as no homage of mere admiration 
 could have been so welcome to the Author, 
 as the approval it has met with at many 
 an English hearth, she has been induced 
 to ask the attention of the public again, 
 to a further exemplification of some sub- 
 jects but slightly touched upon, and a 
 candid examination of others which found 
 no place in that work. 
 
 The more minute the details of indi- 
 vidual, domestic, and social duty, to which 
 allusion is made, the more necessary it 
 becomes to make a distinct classification 
 of the different eras in woman's personal 
 experience ; the Author, therefore, pro- 
 poses dividing the subject into three parts, 
 in which will be separately considered, 
 the character and situation of the Daugh- 
 ters, Wives, and Mothers of England. 
 
 The Daughters of England only form 
 the subject of the present volume : and 
 as in a former work the remarks which 
 were offered to the public upon the social 
 and domestic duties of woman, were ex- 
 pressly limited to the middle ranks of so- 
 ciety in Great Britain > so, in the present, 
 it must be clearly understood as the in- 
 tention of the writer to address herself 
 especially to the same interesting and in- 
 fluential class of her countrywomen. 
 Much that is contained in that volume, 
 too, might with propriety have been re- 
 peated here, had not the Author preferred 
 referring the reader again to those pages, 
 assured that she will be more readily par- 
 doned for this liberty, than for transcrib- 
 ing a fainter copy of what was written in 
 the first instance fresh from the heart. 
 
 It seems to be the peculiar taste of the 
 present day to write, and to read, on the 
 subject of woman. Some apology for 
 thus taxing the patience of the public 
 might be necessary, were it not that both 
 honor and justice are due to a theme, in 
 which a female sovereign may, without 
 presumption, be supposed to sympathize 
 with her people. Thus, while the char- 
 acter of the daughter, the wife, and the 
 mother, are so beautifully exemplified in 
 connection with the dignity of a British 
 Queen, it is the privilege of the humblest, 
 as well as the most exalted of her sub- 
 jects, to know that the heart of woman, 
 in all her tenderest and holiest feelings, 
 is the same beneath the shelter of a cot- 
 tage, as under the canopy of a throne. 
 ROSE HILL, January 10th, 1842.
 
 THE 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 IMPORTANT INQUIRIES. 
 
 IF it were possible for a human being to be 
 suddenly, and for the first time, awakened to 
 consciousness, with the full possession of all 
 its reasoning faculties, the natural inquiry of 
 such a being would be, "What am II how 
 am I to act? and, what are my capabilities 
 for action V 
 
 The sphere upon which a young woman 
 enters on first leaving school, or, to use a 
 popular phrase, on " completing her educa- 
 tion," is so entirely new to her, her mind is 
 so often the subject of new impressions, and 
 her attention so frequently absorbed by new 
 motives for exertion, that, if at all accustomed 
 to reflect, we cannot doubt but she will make 
 these, or similar questions, the subject of seri- 
 ous inquiry " What is my position in socie- 
 ty ? what do I aim at? and what means do I 
 intend to employ for -the accomplishment of 
 my purpose ?" And it is to assist any of the 
 daughters of England, who may be making 
 these inquiries in sincerity of heart, that I 
 would ask their attention to the following 
 pages ; just as an experienced traveller, who 
 had himself often stepped aside from the. 
 safest path, and found the difficulty of re- 
 turning, would be anxious to leave directions 
 for others who might follow, in order that 
 they might avoid the dangers with which he 
 had already become acquainted, and pursue 
 their course with greater certainty of attain- 
 ing the end desired. 
 
 First, then, What is your position in socie- 
 ty ? for, until this point is clearly settled in 
 your own mind, it would be vain to attempt 
 
 any description of the plan to be pursued. 
 The settlement of this point, however, must 
 depend upon yourselves. Whether your are 
 rich, or poor, an orphan, or the child of 
 watchful parents one of a numerous fami- 
 ly, or comparatively alone filling an exalted 
 or an humble position of highly gifted mind, 
 or otherwise all these points must be clear- 
 ly ascertained before you can properly under- 
 stand the kind of duty required of you. 
 How these questions might be answered, is 
 of no importance to the writer, in the present 
 stage of this work. The importance of their 
 being clearly and faithfully answered to your- 
 selves, is all she would enforce. 
 
 For my own purpose, it is not necessary 
 to go further into your particular history or 
 circumstances, than to regard you as women, 
 and, as I hope, Christian women. As Chris- 
 tian women, then, I address you. This is 
 placing you on high ground ; yet surely there 
 are few of my young countrywomen who 
 would be willing to take lower. 
 
 As women, then, the first thing of import- 
 ance is to be content to be inferior to men 
 inferior in mental power, in the same propor- 
 tion that you are inferior in bodily strength 
 Facility of movement, aptitude, and grace 
 the bodily frame of woman may possess in a 
 higher degree than that of man ; just as in 
 the softer touches of mental and spiritua 
 beauty, her character may present a lovelie 
 page than his. Yet, as the great attribute oi 
 power must still be wanting there, it become 
 more immediately her business to inquire 
 how this want may be supplied. 
 
 An able and eloquent writer on " Wo- 
 man's Mission," has justly observed tha
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 woman's strength is in-hrt influence. And, in 
 order to render this influence more complete, 
 you will find, on examination, that you are 
 by nature endowed with peculiar faculties 
 with a quickness of perception, facility of 
 adaptation, and acuteness of feeling, which 
 fit you especially for the part you have to 
 act in life ; and which, at the same time, 
 render you, in a higher degree than men, 
 susceptible both of pain and pleasure. 
 
 These are your qualifications as mere wo- 
 men. As Christians, how wide is the pros- 
 pect which opens before you how various 
 the claims upon your attention how vast 
 your capabilities how deep the responsibility 
 which those capabilities involve ! In the 
 first place, you are not alone ; you are one 
 of a family of a social circle of a commu- 
 nity of a nation. You are a being whose 
 existence will never terminate, who must live 
 for ever, and whose happiness or misery 
 through that endless future which lies before 
 you, will be influenced by the choice you are 
 now in the act of making. 
 
 What, then, is the great object of your 
 Hfe 1 " To be good and happy," you will 
 probably say ; or, " To be happy and good." 
 Which is it 1 For there is an important dif- 
 ference in giving precedence to one or the 
 other of these two words. In one case, your 
 aim is to secure to yourself all the advanta- 
 ges you can possibly enjoy, and wait for the 
 satisfaction they produce, before you begin 
 the great business of self-improvement In 
 the other, you look at your duties first, ex- 
 amine them well, submit yourself without 
 reserve to their claims, and, having made 
 them habitual, reap your reward in that hap- 
 piness of which no human being can deprive 
 you, and which no earthly event can entirely 
 destroy. 
 
 Is it your intention beyond this to live for 
 yourself, or for others 1 Perhaps you have 
 no definite aim as relates to this subject 
 You are ashamed to think of living only for 
 yourself, and deem it hard to live entirely for 
 others ; you therefore put away the thought, 
 and conclude to leave this important subject 
 until some future day. Do not, however, be 
 
 deceived by such a fallacious conclusion. 
 Each day of your life will prove that you 
 have decided, and are acting upon the decis- 
 ion you make on this momentous point 
 Your conduct in society proves it ; your be- 
 havior in your family, every thought which 
 occupies your mind, every wish you breathe, 
 every plan you form, every pleasure you en- 
 joy, every pain you suffer all prove whether 
 it is your object to live for yourself, or for 
 others. 
 
 Again, is it your aim to live for this world 
 only, or for eternity ? This is the question 
 of supreme importance, which all who pro- 
 fess to be Christians, and who think serious- 
 ly, must ask and answer to themselves. 
 There can be no delay here. Time is silent- 
 ly deciding this question for you. Before 
 another day has passed, you will be so much 
 nearer to the kingdom of heaven, or so much 
 further from it Another day, another, and 
 another, of this fearful indecision, will be 
 adding to your distance from the path of 
 peace, and rendering your task more difficult 
 if you should afterwards seek to return. 
 
 If it be your deliberate desire to live for 
 this world only, all the highest faculties of 
 your nature may then lie dormant, for there 
 is no field of exercise here, to make the cul- 
 tivation of them worth the pains. If it is 
 your deliberate desire to live for this world 
 only, the improvement of the bodily senses 
 becomes more properly the object of primary 
 interest, in order that you may taste, smell, 
 feel, hear, and see, with more acuteness. A 
 little invention, a little calculation, a little ob- 
 servation of cause and effect, may be neces- 
 sary, in order that the senses may be grati- 
 fied in a higher degree ; but beyond this, all 
 would indeed be worse than vanity, that 
 would tend to raise the human mind to a 
 knowledge of its own capabilities, and yet 
 leave it to perish with the frail tenement it 
 inhabits. 
 
 I cannot, however, suppose it possible that 
 any daughter of Christian parents, in this 
 enlightened country, would deliberately make 
 so blind, so despicable a choice. And if 
 your aim be to live for eternity ; if you
 
 IMPORTANT INQUIRIES. 
 
 would really make this an object, not merely 
 to read or to talk about, but to strive after, 
 as the highest good you are capable Of 
 conceiving, then is the great mystery of your 
 being unravelled then is a field of exercise 
 laid open for the noblest faculties of your 
 soul then has faith its true foundation, hope 
 its unextinguishable beacon, and charity its 
 sure reward. 
 
 I must now take it for granted, that the 
 youthful reader of these pages has reflected 
 seriously upon her position in society as a 
 woman, has acknowledged her inferiority to 
 man, has examined her own nature, and 
 found there a capability of feeling, a quick- 
 ness of perception, and a facility of adapta- 
 tion, beyond what he possesses, and which, 
 consequently, fit her for a distinct and sepa- 
 rate sphere ; and I would also gladly per- 
 suade myself, that the same individual, as a 
 Christian woman, has made her decision not 
 to live for herself, so much as for others ; 
 but, above all, not to live for this world, so 
 much as for eternity. The question then 
 arises What means are to be adopted in 
 the pursuit of this most desirable end 1 
 Some of my young readers will perhaps be 
 disposed to exclaim, " Why, this is but the 
 old story of giving up the world, and all its 
 pleasures !" But let them not be too hasty 
 in their conclusions. It is not a system of 
 giving up which I am about to recommend 
 to them, so much as one of attaining. -My 
 advice is rather to advance than to retreat, 
 yet to be sure that you advance in the right 
 way. Instead, therefore, of depreciating the 
 value of their advantages and acquirements, 
 it is my intention to point out, so far as I am 
 able, how all these advantages may be made 
 conducive to the great end I have already 
 supposed them to have in view that of liv- 
 ing for others, rather than for themselves 
 of living for eternity, rather than for time. 
 
 I have already stated, that I suppose my- 
 self to be addressing young women who are 
 professedly Christians, and who know that 
 the profession of Christianity as the religion 
 of the Bible, involves responsibility for every 
 talent they possess. By responsibility I 
 
 mean, that they should consider themselves, 
 during the whole of their lives, as in a condi- 
 to say, if called upon to answer, whether 
 they have made use of the best means they 
 were acquainted with, for attaining what they 
 believed to be the most desirable end. 
 
 Youth and health are means of the utmost 
 importance in this great work. Youth is the 
 season of impressions, and can never be re- 
 called ; health is a blessing of such boundless 
 value, that when lost it may safely be said 
 to be sighed for more than any other, for the 
 sake of the countless advantages it affords. 
 Education is another means, which you are 
 now supposed to be enjoying in its fullest 
 extent ; for I have already said that I sup- 
 pose myself to be addressing young women 
 who are popularly spoken of as having just 
 completed their education. Fresh from the 
 master's hand, you will therefore never pos- 
 sess in greater perfection the entire sum of 
 your scholastic attainments than now. Read- 
 ing and conversation, it is true, may improve 
 your mind ; but of your present possessions, 
 in the way of learning and accomplishments, 
 how many will be lost through indolence or 
 neglect, and how many more will give place 
 to claims of greater urgency, or subjects of 
 more lively interest ! 
 
 The present moment, then, is the time to 
 take into account the right use of all your 
 knowledge and all your accomplishments. 
 What is the precise amount of these, we will 
 not presume to ask ; but let it not be forgot- 
 ten, that your accountability extends to the 
 time, the trouble, and the expense bestowed 
 on your education, as well as to what you 
 may have actually acquired. How many 
 years have you been at school 1 We will 
 suppose from two to ten, and that from one 
 hundred pounds, to five or more, have been 
 expended upon you during this time ; add to 
 this the number of teachers employed in your 
 instruction, the number of books appropria- 
 ted to your use, the time to say nothing of 
 the patience bestowed upon you, the anxie- 
 ty of parents, who probably spared with dif- 
 ficulty the sum that was necessary for your 
 education, their solicitude, their self-denial,
 
 - 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 their prayers that this sum might be well ap- 
 plied ; reflect upon all these, and you will 
 perceive that a debt has been contracted, 
 which you have to discharge to your parents, 
 your family, and to society that you have 
 enjoyed a vast amount of advantages, for 
 which you have to account to the great 
 Author of your being. 
 
 Such, then, is your position in life ; a 
 Christian woman, and therefore one whose 
 first duty is to ascertain her proper place a 
 sensitive and intelligent being, more quick to 
 feel than to understand, and therefore more 
 under the necessity of learning to feel right- 
 ly a responsible being, with numberless tal- 
 ents to be accounted for, and believing that 
 no talent was ever given in vain, but that all, 
 however apparently trifling in themselves, 
 are capable of being so used as to promote 
 the great end of our being, the happiness of 
 our fellow-creatures, and the glory of our 
 Creator. 
 
 Let not my young friends, however, sup- 
 pose that I am about to lay down for them 
 some system of Spartan discipline, some iron 
 rufe, by which to effect the subjugation of all 
 that is buoyant in health, and delightful in the 
 season of youth. The rule I would propose 
 to them is one by which they may become 
 beloved as well as lovely the source of hap- 
 piness to others, as well as happy in them- 
 selves. My desire is to assist them to over- 
 come the three great enemies to their tem- 
 poral and eternal good their selfishness, 
 indolence, and vanity, and to establish in their 
 ?tead feelings of benevolence and habits of 
 industry, so blended with Christian meekness, 
 that while affording pleasure to all who live 
 wiiliin the sphere of their influence, they shall 
 be unconscious of the charm by which they 
 
 I have already stated, that women, in their 
 position in life, must be content to be inferior 
 to men ; but as their inferiority consists chiefly 
 in their want of power, this deficiency is 
 abundantly made up to them by their capa- 
 bility of exercising influence ; it is made up 
 to them also in other ways, incalculable in 
 their number and extent, but in none so ef- 
 
 fectually as by that order of Divine Provi- 
 dence which places them, in a moral and re- 
 ligious point of view, on the same level with 
 man ; nor can it be a subject of regret to any 
 right-minded woman, that they are not only 
 exempt from the most laborious occupations 
 both of mind and body, but also from the 
 necessity of engaging in those eager pecunia- 
 ry speculations, and in that fierce conflict of 
 worldly interests, by which men are so deep- 
 ly occupied as to be in a manner compelled 
 to stifle their best feelings, until they become 
 in reality the characters they at first only as- 
 sumed. Can it be a subject of regret to any 
 kind and feeling woman, that her sphere of 
 action is one adapted to the exercise of the 
 affections, where she may love, and trust, 
 and hope, and serve, to the utmost of her 
 wishes] Can it be a subject of regret that 
 she is not called upon, so much as man, to 
 calculate, to compete, to struggle, but rather 
 to occupy a sphere in which the elements of 
 discord cannot with propriety be admitted 
 in which beauty and order are expected to 
 denote her presence, and where the exercise 
 of benevolence is the duty she is most fre- 
 quently called upon to perform 1 
 
 Women almost universally consider them- 
 selves, and wish to be considered by others, 
 as extremely affectionate ; scarcely can a 
 more severe libel be pronounced upon a wo- 
 man than to say that she is not so. Now 
 the whole law of woman's life is a law of love. 
 I propose, therefore, to treat the subject in 
 this light to try whether the neglect of their 
 peculiar duties does not imply an absence of 
 love, and whether the principle of love, tho- 
 roughly carried out, would not so influence 
 their conduct and feelings as to render them 
 all which their best friends could desire. 
 
 Let us, however, clearly understand each 
 other at the outset. To love, is a very differ- 
 ent thing from a desire to be beloved. To 
 love, is woman's nature to be beloved is the 
 consequence of her having properly exercised 
 and controlled that nature. To love, is wo- 
 4nan's duty to be beloved, is her reward. 
 
 Does the subject, when considered in this 
 point of view, appear less attractive 1 " No,"
 
 IMPORTANT INQUIRIES. 
 
 9 
 
 you reply, " it constitutes the happiness of 
 every generous soul, to love ; and if that be 
 the secret of our duty, the whole life of wo- 
 man must be a pleasant journey on a path of 
 flowers." 
 
 Some writers have asserted, that along 
 with the power to love, we all possess, in an 
 equal degree, the power to hate. I am not 
 prepared to go this length, because I would 
 not acknowledge the principle of hatred in 
 any enlightened mind ; yet I do believe, that 
 in proportion to our capability of being at- 
 tracted by certain persons or things, is our 
 liability to be repelled by others, and that 
 along with such repulsion there is a feeling 
 of dislike, which belongs to women in a higher 
 degree than it does to men, in the same pro- 
 portion that their perceptions are more acute, 
 and their attention more easily excited by 
 the minuter shades of difference in certain 
 things. Although not willingly recognising 
 the sensation of hatred, as applied to any thing 
 but sin, I am compelled to use the word, in 
 order to render my meaning more obvious ; 
 and certainly, when we listen to the unre- 
 strained conversation of the generality of young 
 ladies, we cannot hesitate to suppose that 
 the sensation of hatred towards certain per- 
 sons or things, does, in reality, form part of 
 the most important business of their lives. 
 
 To love and to hate, then, seem to be the 
 two things which it is most natural and most 
 easy for women to do. In these two principles 
 how many of the actions of their lives origi- 
 nate ! How important is it, therefore, that 
 they should learn in early life to love and 
 hate aright ! 
 
 Most young women of respectable parent- 
 age and education, believe that they love 
 virtue and hate vice. But have they clearly 
 ascertained what virtue and vice are have 
 they examined the meaning of these two im- 
 portant words by the light of the world, or 
 by the light of divine truth ! Have they list- 
 ened to the plausible reasoning of what is 
 called society ; where things are often spoken 
 of by false names, and where vulgar vice is 
 distinguished from that which is sanctioned 
 by good breeding 1 or have they gone directly 
 
 to the eternal and immutable principles of 
 good and evil, as explained in the Bible, 
 which they profess to believe ? have they by 
 this test tried all their favorite habits their 
 sweet weaknesses their darling idols 1 and 
 have they been willing to abide the result of 
 this test to love whatever approaches that 
 standard of moral excellence, and to renounce 
 whatever is offensive to the pure eye of 
 Omniscience ] Now, when we reflect that all 
 this must be done before we can safely give 
 ourselves up either to love or hate, we shall 
 probably cease to think that our great duty 
 is so easily performed. 
 
 Youth is the season for regulating these 
 emotions as we ought, because it is compara- 
 tively easy to govern our affections when 
 first awakened ; after they have been al- 
 lowed for some time to flow in any particular 
 channel, it requires a painful and determined 
 effort to restrain or divert their course ; nor 
 does the constitution of the human mind en- 
 dure this revulsion of feeling unharmed. As 
 the country over whose surface an impetu- 
 ous river has poured its waters, retains, after 
 those waters are gone, the sterile track they 
 once pursued, marring the picture as with a 
 scar a seamy track of barrenness and 
 drought ; so the course of misplaced affec- 
 tion leaves its indelible trace upon the char- 
 acter, breaking the harmony of what might 
 otherwise have been most attractive in its 
 beauty and repose. 
 
 There is, perhaps, no subject on which 
 young women are apt to make so many and 
 such fatal mistakes as in the regulation of 
 their emotions of attraction and repulsion ; 
 and chiefly for this reason because there is 
 a popular notion prevailing among them, 
 that it is exceedingly becoming to act from 
 the impulse of the moment, to be what they 
 call "the creatures of feeling," or, in other 
 words, to exclude the high attribute of rea- 
 son from those very emotions which are given 
 them, especially, to serve the most exalted 
 purposes. " It is a cold philosophy," they 
 say, "to calculate before you feel;" and thus 
 they choose to act from impulse rather than 
 from principle.
 
 10 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 The unnatural mother does this when she 
 singles out a favorite child as the recipient 
 of all her endearments, leaving the neglected 
 one to pine away its little life. The foolish 
 mother does this, when she withholds, from 
 imagined tenderness, the wholesome disci- 
 pline which infancy requires choosing for 
 her unconscious offspring a succession of 
 momentary indulgences which are sure to 
 entail upon them years of suffering in after 
 life. The fickle friend does this, when she 
 conceives a sudden distaste for the com- 
 panion she has professed to love. The un- 
 faithful wife does this, when she allows her 
 thoughts to wander from her rightful lord. 
 All women have done this, who have com- 
 mitted those frightful crimes which stain the 
 page of history all have acted from impulse, 
 and by far the greater number have acted 
 under the influence of misplaced affection. 
 It is, indeed, appalling to contemplate the ex- 
 tent of ruin and of wretchedness to which 
 woman may be carried by the force of her 
 own impetuous and unregulated feelings. 
 Her faults are not those of t selfish calcula- 
 tion ; she makes no stipulation for her own 
 or .others' safety ; when once she renounces 
 principle, therefore, and gives herself up to 
 act as the mere creature of impulse, there is 
 no hope for her, except that experience, by 
 its painful chastisements, may bring her back 
 to wisdom and to peace. 
 
 Does this seem a hard sentence to pro- 
 nounce upon those impetuous young crea- 
 tures who make it their boast that they never 
 stay to think, that they cannot reason, and 
 were only born to feel ? Hard as it is, ob- 
 servation proves it true. If we do not ac- 
 knowledge any regular system of conduct, 
 habit will render that systematical which is 
 our customary choice ; and if we choose day 
 by day to act from impulse rather than prin- 
 ciple, we yield ourselves to a fatal and delu- 
 sive system, the worst consequences of 
 which will follow us beyond the grave. 
 
 As youth is the season for making this im- 
 portant choice, so it is the season for impres- 4 
 sions. You will never remember what you 
 acquire in after life, as you will remember 
 
 what you are acquiring now. The know- 
 ledge you now obtain of evil will haunt you 
 through future years, like a dark spectre in 
 your path ; while the glimpses of virtue 
 which you now perceive irradiating the circle 
 in which you move, will re-appear before 
 you to the end of life, surrounded by the 
 same bright halo which adorns them now. 
 If you have loved the virtuous and the good 
 if you have associated yourselves with 
 their pursuits, and made their aims and ob- 
 jects yours in early life the remembrance 
 of these early friends will form a bright spot 
 in your existence, to recur to as long as that 
 existence lasts. 
 
 It is therefore of the highest importance to 
 the right government of your affections, that 
 you should endeavor to form clear notions 
 of good and evil, in order that you may know 
 how to choose the one and refuse the other ; 
 not to take tltings for granted ; not to believe 
 that is always best which is most approved 
 by the world, unless you would prefer the 
 approbation of man to that of God ; but to 
 be willing to see the truth, whatever it may 
 be, and as such to embrace it 
 
 In the gospel of Christ there are truths so 
 simple and so clear, so perfectly in keeping 
 one with another, that none need be kept in 
 the dark as to the principles on which they 
 ought to act, if they are but willing to sub- 
 mit themselves to this rule. 
 
 I speak here of the practical part of the 
 Scriptures only ; but in connection with the 
 vivid and lasting impressions made upon the 
 mind of youth, I would strongly enforce the 
 importance of choosing that season for ob- 
 taining an intimate knowledge of the Scrip- 
 tures altogether. You can scarcely at pres- 
 ent be aware of the extreme value of this 
 knowledge : it will serve you in after life as 
 a rich and precious store to draw upon, not 
 only for your own consolation, and the re- 
 newal of your own faith, but for the comfort, 
 guidance, and support of all who come with- 
 in the sphere of your influence, or depend 
 upon you for aid in the great work of pre- 
 paring for eternity. Without this knowledge, 
 how feeble will be your arguments on the
 
 IMPORTANT INQUIRIES. 
 
 most important of all subjects, how useless 
 your assertions, and how devoid of efficacy 
 your endeavors to disseminate the principles 
 of Divine Truth ! How enviable does the 
 possession of this knowledge now appear to 
 many a zealous Christian who has to deplore 
 the consequences of a neglected youth ! for I 
 repeat, that in after life it is almost impossi- 
 ble to impress the mind with the same vivid- 
 ness, and consequently to enrich the memory 
 with the same amount of useful knowledge, 
 as when the aspect of the world is new, and 
 the feelings comparatively unoccupied and 
 unimpressed. 
 
 The same observations which occur in re- 
 lation to the reading of the Scriptures at an 
 early period of life, apply, in degree, to the 
 acquisition of all other kinds of knowledge. 
 Never again will the mind be so free from 
 distraction as now ; never again will the 
 claims of duty be so few ; never again will 
 the memory be so unoccupied. If, therefore, 
 a store of knowledge is not laid up while the 
 mind is in this state, it will be found wanting 
 when most needed ; and difficult indeed is 
 the task, and mortifying the situation, of 
 those whose information has to be sought, in 
 order to supply the demand of every hour. 
 As well might the cultivator of the soil allow 
 his grain to remain in the fields, until hunger 
 reminded him that bread was wanted on his 
 board ; as the woman who expects to fill a 
 respectable station in life, go forth into society 
 unprovided with that supply of knowledge 
 and information which she will there find per- 
 petually required. The use of such knowledge 
 is a different question, and remains yet to be 
 discussed ; but on the importance of its ac- 
 quisition in the season of youth, there can be 
 but one opinion among experienced and ra- 
 tional beings. 
 
 Of all kinds of knowledge, that of our own 
 ignorance is the first to be acquired. It is an 
 humbling lesson for those to learn, who are 
 built up on the foundation of what is called a 
 good education ; yet such is the fact, that the 
 knowledge which young ladies bring home 
 with them from school, forms but a very 
 small part of that which they will be expect- 
 
 ed to possess. Indeed, such is the illimitable 
 nature of knowledge, that persons can only 
 be said to know much or little by compari- 
 son. It is by comparing ourselves with 
 others, and especially with those who are 
 more advanced in life, that we first learn the 
 important secret of our own deficiencies. 
 And it is good to keep the mind open to this 
 truth ; for without having clearly ascertained 
 our own inferiority, we should always be lia- 
 ble to make the most egregious mistakes ; 
 not only by telling those around us what 
 they already know, and wearying our ac- 
 quaintance with the most tedious common- 
 place, but by the worst kind of false as- 
 sumption by placing ourselves in exalted 
 positions, and thereby rendeiing our igno- 
 rance more conspicuous. 
 
 All this, however, though a fruitful source 
 of folly and ridicule, is of trifling importance 
 compared with the absolute want the mental 
 poverty the moral destitution, necessarily 
 occasioned by an absence of true knowledge ; 
 we must begin, therefore, by opening our 
 minds to the truth, not by adopting the opin- 
 ions of this or that set of persons, but by 
 reading the works of the best authors, by 
 keeping the mind unbiassed by the writings 
 or the conversation of persons infected with 
 prejudice, and by endeavoring to view every 
 object in its full extent, its breadth, its reality, 
 and its importance. 
 
 It is the grand defect in woman's intellect- 
 ual condition, that she seldom makes any 
 equivalent effort to do this. She is not only 
 too often occupied with the mere frivolities 
 of life, to estimate the true value of general 
 knowledge ; but, she is also too apt to hang 
 her credulity upon her affections, and to take 
 any thing for granted which is believed by 
 those whom she loves. It is true, this ser- 
 vility of mind may appear to some like act- 
 ing out the law of love, which I am so anx- 
 ious to advocate ; but how is it, If their dearest 
 friends are in error, and if they err in such 
 a way as to endanger their temporal and 
 eternal interests 1 Is it not a higher and no- 
 bler effort of love, to see and rectify such er- 
 ror, than to endeavor to imbibe the same, for
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 the sake of being companions in folly, or in 
 sin? 
 
 One of the greatest faults in the system of 
 education pursued in the present day, is that 
 of considering youth as the season for read- 
 ing short and easy books. Although the 
 ablest of female writers I had almost said 
 the wisest of women has left on record her 
 testimony against this practice, it continues 
 to be the fashion, to place in, the hands of 
 young persons, all kinds of abstracts, sum- 
 maries, and short means of arriving at facts ; 
 as if the only use of knowledge was to be 
 able to repeat by rote a list of the dates of 
 public events. 
 
 Now, if ever an entire history or a com- 
 plete work is worth reading, it must be at an 
 early period of life, when attention and leisure 
 are both at our command. By the early and 
 studious reading of books of this description, 
 those important events which it is of so much 
 consequence to impress upon the mind, be- 
 come interwoven in the memory, with the 
 spirit and style of the author ; so that instead 
 of the youthful reader becoming possessed 
 of nothing more than a mere table of facts, 
 she is in reality associating herself with a be- 
 ing of the highest order of mind, seeing with 
 the eyes of the author, breathing his atmo- 
 sphere, thinking his thoughts, and imbibing, 
 through a thousand indirect channels, the 
 very essence of his genius. 
 
 This is the only kind of reading which is 
 really worthy of the name. Abstracts and 
 compendiums may very properly be glanced 
 over in after life, for the sake of refreshing 
 the memory as to dates and facts ; but unless 
 the works of the best authors have been 
 read in this manner in early life, there will 
 always be something vapid in our conversa- 
 tion, contracted in our views, prejudiced in 
 our mode of judging, and vulgar in our 
 habits of thinking and speaking of things in 
 general. In vain may we attempt to hide 
 this great deficiency. Art may in some 
 measure conceal what is wanting ; but it can- 
 not bring to light what does not exist Pru- 
 dence may seal the lips, and female tact may 
 point out when to speak with safety, and 
 
 when to withhold a remark ; but all those 
 enlightened views, all that bold launching 
 forth into the region of intellect, all the com- 
 panionship of gifted minds, which intelligent 
 women, even in their inferior capacity, may 
 at least delight in, will be wanting to the hap- 
 piness of her who chooses to waste the pre- 
 cious hours of youth in idleness or frivolity. 
 
 Nor is it easy for after study to make up 
 the deficiency of what ought to have been 
 acquired in youth. Bare information dragged 
 in to supply the want of the moment, without 
 arrangement, and without previous thought, 
 too often resembles in its crudeness and in- 
 appropriate display, a provision of raw fruits, 
 and undressed food, instead of the luxuries 
 of an elegant and well-furnished board. 
 
 I have heard it pleaded by young women, 
 that they did "not care for knowledge " "did 
 not wish to be clever." And if such persons 
 would be satisfied to fill the lowest place in 
 society, to creep through the world alone, or 
 to have silly husbands, and idiot sons, we 
 should say that their ambition was equal to 
 their destiny. But when we see the same 
 persons jealous of their rigRTs as intellectual 
 beings, aspiring to be the companions of ra- 
 tional men, and, above all, the early instruct- 
 ors of immortal beings, we blush to contem- 
 plate such lamentable destitution of right feel- 
 ing, and can only forgive their presumption 
 in consideration to their ignorance and fol- 
 
 If- 
 
 I cannot believe of any of tho young per- 
 sons who may read these pages, that they 
 could be guilty of such an act of ingratitude 
 to the great Author of their being, and the 
 Giver of evey good and perfect gift they pos- 
 sess, as deliberately to choose to consign to 
 oblivion and neglect the intellectual part of 
 their nature, which may justly be regarded 
 as the highest of these gifts. I would rather 
 suppose them already acquainted with the 
 fact, that those passions and emotions, to 
 the exercise of which they believe themselves 
 especially called, are many of them such as 
 are common to the inferior orders of animals, 
 while the possession of an understanding 
 capable of unlimited extension, is an attribute
 
 ECONOMY OF TIME. 
 
 13 
 
 of the Divine nature, and one which raises 
 them to a level with the angels. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 ECONOMY OF TIME. 
 
 IN all our pursuits, but especially in the 
 acquisition of knowledge, it is highly impor- 
 tant to habituate ourselves to minute calcu- 
 lations upon the value and progress of time. 
 That writer who could teach us how to esti- 
 mate this treasure, and how to realize its 
 fieetness, would confer a lasting benefit upon 
 his fellow-creatures. We all know how to 
 talk of time flying fast It is, in short, the 
 subject of our most familiar proverbs, the 
 burden of the minstrel's song, the theme of 
 the preacher's discourse, the impress we affix 
 to our lightest pleasures, the inscription that 
 remains upon our tombs. Yet how little do 
 we actually realize of the silent and ceaseless 
 progress of time ! It is true, that one of the 
 first exclamations which infant lips are taught 
 to utter is the word " gone ;" and the beautiful 
 expression, " gone for ever," occurs with fre- 
 quency in our poetical phraseology. Clean 
 gone for ever, is the still more expressive lan- 
 guage of Scripture ; and if any combination 
 of words could be made to convey to us clear 
 and striking impressions of this idea, it would 
 be found among those of the inspired wri- 
 ters. Yet still we go on from day to day, in- 
 sensible, and unimpressed by this, the most 
 sublime and appalling reality of our existenpe. 
 
 The fact that no single moment of our 
 lives, whether happy or miserable, whether 
 wasted or well employed, can ever be recall- 
 ed, is of itself one of the most momentous 
 truths with which we are acquainted that 
 each hour of our past existence, whether 
 marked by wisdom or by folly, is gone for 
 ever; and that neither ingenuity, nor effort, 
 nor purchase, nor prayer, can call it back. 
 Nay, so far is it removed from the range of 
 possibility, that we should live again for any 
 portion of our past lives, that it was not even 
 
 am6ng the miracles wrought by the Saviour 
 while on earth. Other apparent impossibili- 
 ties he did accomplish before the eyes of 
 wondering multitudes, breaking the bonds of 
 nature, and even raising the dead to life ; yet, 
 we find not among these mighty works, 
 that he said to any single day in man's ex- 
 perience, " Thou shall dawn again." No. 
 Even the familiar face of yesterday is turned 
 away from us for ever ; and though so close- 
 ly followed by the remembrance of the past 
 night, as well might we attempt to grasp the 
 stars, as to turn, back and enjoy its sweet re- 
 pose again. 
 
 What then is the consequence ? Since time, 
 this great ocean of wealth, is ebbing away 
 from us day by day, and hour by hour ; since 
 it must inevitably diminish, and since we 
 know the lowest rate at which it must go, 
 though none can tell how soon it may to them 
 be gone for ever, is it not our first duty to 
 make the best possible use of what remains, 
 and to begin in earnest, before another day 
 shall escape from our hold 7 
 
 We will suppose the case of a man who 
 finds himself the possessor of a vast estate, 
 with the power to cultivate it as he will, and 
 to derive any amount of revenue from it 
 which his ingenuity or labor may obtain for 
 him ; yet, with this condition that an enemy 
 shall be entitled to take away a certain por- 
 tion of it every day, until the whole is gone. 
 The enemy might, under certain circumstan- 
 ces, with which the owner could not be ac- 
 quainted, enjoy the liberty of taking the whole 
 at once ; but a certain part he must take 
 every day. Now, would not the man who 
 held this property on such a tenure, look 
 sharply to his own interest, and endeavor to 
 discover by what means he could turn his 
 estate to the best account, before its extent 
 should be so far diminished as to cripple his 
 means ? Reflecting, too, that each day it was 
 becoming less, and that the smaller its extent, 
 the smaller would be the returns, he might 
 expect, would he not begin, without the loss 
 of a single day, so to improve his land, to till, 
 to sow, and to prepare for getting in his pro- 
 duce, as that he might derive a lasting rev-
 
 14 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 enue of profit from the largest portion, be- 
 fore it should have passed out of his own 
 hands ! 
 
 A very common understanding, and a very 
 trifling amount of knowledge, would prompt 
 the possessor of such an estate to do this ; 
 yet, with regard to time, that most valuable 
 of earthly possessions, how few of us act 
 upon this principle ! With some, the extent 
 of this estate is narrowing to a very small 
 circle ; but with the class of human beings 
 whom I am addressing, there is, in all human 
 probability, a wider field for them to speculate 
 upon. Illness, it is true, may come and 
 snatch away a large portion, and death may 
 be waiting to grasp the whole: how much 
 more important is it, then, to begin to cultivate 
 and reap in time ! 
 
 Perhaps it is the apparent extent of our 
 prospect in early life, which deludes us into 
 the belief that the enemy is actually not tak- 
 ing any thing away. Still there are daily and 
 hourly evidences of the lapse of time, which 
 would serve to remind us of the impossibi- 
 lity of calling it back, if we would but regard 
 them in this light. If, for instance, we have 
 committed an egregious folly, if we have act- 
 ed unjustly, thrown blame upon the innocent, 
 or spoken unkindly to a dear friend though 
 it was but yesterday, last night, 1 or this morn- 
 ing not all our tears, though we might weep 
 oceans, could wash away that single act or 
 word ; because the moment which bore that 
 stain upon it, would be gone and gone for 
 ever. 
 
 Again, we scarcely become acquainted with 
 life in any of its serious aspects, before death 
 is presented to our notice. And where are 
 they "the loved, the lost!" Their days 
 have been numbered all those long days of 
 companionship in which their friends might 
 have loved, and served them better, are gone 
 for ever. " And why," we ask, when the blow 
 falls nearest to ourselves when the delight 
 of our eyes is taken away as with a stroke 
 " why do not the sun, and the moon, and the 
 stars, delay their course 7 why do the flow- 
 ers not cease to bloom ? the light and cheer- 
 ful morning not fail to return 1 above all, why 
 
 do those around us continue their accustom- 
 ed avocations ! and why do we join them at 
 last, as if nothing had occurred 1" It is be- 
 cause time passes on, and on, and neither life, 
 nor death, nor joy, nor sorrow, nor any of the 
 changes in our weal or wo, present the mi- 
 nutest hindrance to his certain progress, or 
 retard for a single moment his triumphant 
 and irresistible career. 
 
 Nor is it simply as a whole, that we have 
 to take into account the momentous subject 
 of time. Every year, and month, and day, 
 have their separate amount of responsibility ; 
 but especially the season of youth, because 
 the habits we acquire during that period, 
 have an influence upon the whole of our 
 after lives. 
 
 The habit of making correct calculations 
 upon how much can be done in any stated 
 portion of time, is the first thing to begin with, 
 for without this, we are very apt to go on 
 with any thing that may happen to intejrest 
 us, to the culpable neglect of more important 
 duties. Thus, though it may be well for a 
 man to pluck the weeds up in his garden for 
 half an hour after breakfast ; yet, if his actual 
 business lies in the counting-house, or the 
 exchange, it would be worse than folly for 
 him to remain plucking weeds up for half 
 the day. 
 
 In order to make the best use of time, we 
 must lay out beforehand the exact amount 
 proportioned to every occupation in which 
 we expect to engage. Casualties will per- 
 petually occur demanding an additional al- 
 lowance, and something must consequently 
 be given up in exchange ; but still our calcu- 
 lations may generally be made with a degree 
 of certainty, which leaves no excuse for our 
 being habitually at a loss what to do. 
 
 There is a class of young persons, and I 
 fear not a very small one, who rise every 
 morning trusting to the day to provide its 
 own occupations and amusements. They 
 descend from their chambers with a listless, 
 dreamy hope that something will occur to 
 interest, or enliven them, never imagining 
 that they themselves are called upon to enli- 
 ven and interest others. Such individuals
 
 ECONOMY OF TIME. 
 
 15 
 
 being liable to disappointment every day, al- 
 most always learn to look upon themselves as 
 unfortunate beings, less privileged than others, 
 and, in short, ill-treated by faith, or rather ty 
 Providence, in being placed where they are. 
 
 It is this waiting to be interested, or amus- 
 ed, by any thing that may chance to happen, 
 which constitutes the great bane of a young 
 woman's life, and while dreaming on in this 
 most unprofitable state, without any definite 
 object of pursuit, their minds become the 
 prey of a host of enemies, whose attacks 
 might have been warded off by a little whole- 
 some and determined occupation. Their 
 feelings, always too busy for their peace, be- 
 come morbid, restless, and ungovernable, for 
 want of proper exercise ; while imagination, 
 allowed to run riot over a boundless field of 
 vague and half-formed observations, leads 
 their affections in her train, to fix upon what- 
 ever object caprice or fancy may select. 
 
 It is not attributing too much importance 
 to the right economy of time, to say that it 
 might prevent all this. I presume not to lay 
 down rules for the occupation of every hour. 
 Particular duties must always appertain to 
 particular situations ; and since the necessary 
 claims upon our attention are as varied as 
 our individual circumstances, that which in 
 one would be a right employment of time, 
 would be a culpable breach of duty in another. 
 
 There are, however, a few general rules 
 which cannot be too clearly or too deeply im- 
 pressed upon the mind rules which the 
 rich and the poor would be equally benefited 
 by adopting ; which the meanest and the 
 most exalted individual would alike find it 
 safe to act upon ; and by which the wisest 
 and best of mankind might increase their 
 means and extend their sphere of usefulness 
 to their fellow-creatures. 
 
 The first of these rules is to accustom 
 yourselves every morning to say what you 
 are intending to do ; and every night, with 
 equal faithfulness, to say what you have ac- 
 tually done during the day. If you find any 
 material difference between what you have 
 intended, and what you have achieved, try 
 to proportion them better, and the next day, 
 
 either lay out for yourself, or, what is far 
 better, endeavor to accomplish more. This 
 is the more to be recommended, because we 
 learn, both by experience and observation, 
 that whenever we bring down our good in- 
 tentions to a lower scale, it is a certain symp- 
 tom of some failure either in our moral, intel- 
 lectual, or physical power. Still there is 
 much allowance to be made for the inexperi- 
 ence of youth, in not being able to limit good 
 intentions by the bounds of what is practica- 
 ble ; it is therefore preferable that a little 
 should be taken off, even from what is good 
 in itself, rather than that you should go on 
 miscalculating time, and means, to the end 
 of life. 
 
 There are persons, and some considerably 
 advanced in years, who habitually retire to 
 rest every night, surprised and disappointed 
 that the whole of their day's work has not 
 been done. Now, it is evident that such per- 
 sons must be essentially wrong in one of 
 these two things either in their calculations 
 upon the value and extent of time, or in their 
 estimate of their own capabilities; and in 
 consequence of these miscalculations, they 
 have probably been making the most serious 
 mistakes all their lives. They have been 
 promising what they could not perform ; de- 
 ceiving and disappointing their friends, and 
 those who were dependent upon them ; be- 
 sides harassing their own spirits, and de- 
 stroying their own peace, by frightful mis- 
 calculations of imperative claims, when there 
 was no residue of time at all proportioned to 
 such requirements. 
 
 The next rule I would lay down is, if pos- 
 sible, of more importance than the first It 
 is, that you should always be able to say what 
 you are doing, and not merely what you 
 are going to do. "I am going to be so 
 busy I am going to get to my work I am 
 going to prepare for my journey I am going 
 to learn Latin I am going to visit a poor 
 neighbor." These, and ten thousand other 
 "goings," with the frequent addition of the 
 word "just" before them, are words which 
 form a net-work of delusion, by which hun- 
 dreds of really well-intentioned young persons
 
 16 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 are completely entangled. " I am just going to 
 do this or that good work," sounds so much 
 like u I am really doing it," that the con- 
 science is satisfied for the moment ; yet how 
 vast is the difference between these two ex- 
 pressions when habit has fixed them upon the 
 character ! 
 
 To the same class of persons who habitu- 
 ally say, " I am going," rather than " I am 
 doing," belong those who seldom know what 
 they really are about ; who, coming into a 
 room for a particular purpose, and finding a 
 book there by chance, open it, and sit down 
 to read for half an hour, or an hour, believ- 
 ing all the while that they are going to do the 
 thing they first intended; or who, setting 
 out to walk for the benefit of their health, 
 drop in upon a pleasant acquaintance by the 
 way, still thinking they are going to walk, 
 until the time for doing so has expired, when 
 they return home, with cold feet and aching 
 heads, half fancying that they have really 
 walked, and disappointed that exercise has 
 produced no better effect 
 
 Now, in these two cases, there may be as 
 little harm in reading the book a's in calling 
 upon the acquaintance, and nothing wrong 
 in either : but the habit of doing habitually 
 what we had not intended to do, and leaving 
 undone what we had intended, has so injuri- 
 ous an effect in weakening our resolutions, 
 and impairing our capacity for making ex- 
 act calculations upon time and means, that 
 one might pronounce, without much hesita- 
 tion, upon a person accustomed to this mode 
 of action, the sentence of utter inability to fill 
 any situation of usefulness or importance 
 among mankind. 
 
 I am inclined to think we should all be suf- 
 ficiently astonished, if we would try the ex- 
 periment through a single day, of passing 
 quickly and promptly from one occupation to 
 another. It is, in fact, these " goings to do," 
 which constitute so large an amount of wast- 
 ed time, for which we are all accountable. 
 Few persons deliberately intend to be idle ; 
 few will allow that they have been so from 
 choice; yet how vast a proportion of Jhe 
 human race are living in a state of eelf-de- 
 
 
 ception, by persuading themselves they are 
 not idle, when they are merely going to act. 
 Promptness in doing whatever it is right to 
 do now, is one of the great secrets of living. 
 By this means, we find our capabilities in- 
 creased to an amazing amount; nor can we 
 ever know what they really are, until this 
 plan of conduct has been fully tried. 
 
 Wisely has it been said, by the greatest of 
 moral philosophers, that there is a lime for 
 every thing. Let it be observed, however, 
 that he has not, among his royal maxims, 
 spoken of a time for doing nothing; and 
 it is fearful to think how large a portion of 
 the season of youth is spent in this manner. 
 
 Nor is it absolute idleness alone which 
 claims our attention. The idleness of self- 
 delusion has already been described. But 
 there is, besides this, a busy idleness, which 
 operates with equal force against the right 
 economy of time. Busy idleness arises chiefly 
 from a restlessness of feeling, which, without 
 any calculation as to the fitness of time or 
 place, or the ultimate utility of what is done, 
 hurries its possessor into a succession of tri- 
 fling or ill-timed occupations, frequently as 
 annoying to others as they are unproductive 
 of any beneficial result. Busy idleness is 
 also a disease most difficult to cure, because 
 it satisfies for the moment that thirst for oc- 
 cupation with which every human being is 
 more or less affected, and which has been 
 implanted in our nature for the wisest of pur- 
 poses. It is under the influence of this pro- 
 pensity to busy idleness, that, with multitudes 
 who have no extraordinary capability for re- 
 ceiving pleasure, amusement is made to sup- 
 ply the place of occupation, and childish tri- 
 fling that of intellectual pursuit 
 
 It may be asked, how does the law of love 
 operate here? I answer, precisely in this 
 way We are never so capable of being use- 
 ful to others, as when we have learned to 
 economize our own time ; to make exact cal- 
 culations as to what we are able, or not able, 
 to do in any given period ; and so to employ 
 ourselves as to make the trifles of the mo- 
 ment give place to more important avocations. 
 Vv'ithout having cultivated such habits, our
 
 ECONOMY OF TIME. 
 
 17 
 
 intentions, nay, our promises, must often fall 
 short of what we actually perform ; so that 
 
 i in time, and after many painful disappoint- 
 ments, our friends will cease to depend upon 
 our aid, believing, what may all the while be 
 unjust to our feelings, that we have never 
 entertained any earnest desire to promote 
 their interest. 
 
 Above all other subjects, however, con- 
 nected with the consideration of time, the 
 law of love bears most directly upon that of 
 punctuality. No one can fail in this point, 
 without committing an act of injury to an- 
 other. If the portion of time allotted to us in 
 this life be aptly compared to a valuable 
 estate, of which an enemy robs us by taking 
 away a certain portion every day ; surely it 
 is a hard case that a friend must usurp the 
 same power, and take away another portion, 
 contrary to our expectations, and without 
 any previous stipulation that it should be so. 
 Yet, of how much of this precious property 
 do we deprive our friends during the course 
 of a lifetime, by our want of punctuality ? 
 and not our friends only, but all those who 
 are in any way connected with, or dependent 
 upon us. Our friends, indeed, might possi- 
 bly forgive us the injury for the love they 
 bear us ; but there are the poor the hard- 
 working poor, whose time is often their 
 wealth ; and strangers, who owe us no kind- 
 ness, and who consequently are not able 'to 
 endure this injury without feelings of irrita- 
 tion or resentment 
 
 The evil, too, is one which extends in its 
 consequence?, and widens in its influence, be- 
 yond all calculation. Yet, for the sake of 
 conveying to the youthful and inexperienced 
 reader, some idea of its mode of operation, 
 we will suppose the case of a man carrying 
 
 I letters or despatches along one of our public 
 roads, and so calculating his time as to ap- 
 point to be met at some post on the road 
 every hour, by this means to transmit his 
 despatches by other couriers along branch- 
 roads to distant parts of the country. The 
 person whose business it is to place these 
 despatches in his hand at a certain time and 
 place, is half an hour too late ; consequently, 
 
 all the couriers along the road are delayed in 
 the same proportion, and there fs the loss of 
 half an hour occasioned, not only to each 
 of them, but to all who have depended 
 upon their arrival at a certain time. It is 
 true, that few of us are placed in the same 
 relative position as this man, with regard to 
 our fellow-creatures ; yet, none of us act 
 alone ; and the mistress of a house, who de- 
 tains a poor workman half an hour by her 
 want of punctuality, may be the means of his 
 receiving reproof, nay, even abuse, from oth- 
 ers who have lost their time in consequence 
 of his delay ; while others still, and -others 
 yet beyond, through the wider range of a 
 more extensive circle, may have been calcu- 
 lating their time and means in dependence 
 upon the punctuality of this poor man. 
 
 If on particular occasions which recur 
 every day, we find we are generally half an 
 hour too late, the evil to others is sometimes 
 easily remedied by making our appointment 
 half an hour later, and abiding by it But 
 such is not the plan of those who are habitu- 
 ally negligent of punctuality. They go on, 
 varying from their time, one day perhaps an 
 hour, another a quarter of an hour, and oc- 
 casionally perhaps being before it, 'until the 
 whole machinery of intercourse with their 
 fellow-creatures is deranged those of their 
 dependents who are inclined to indolence 
 taking advantage of their delay ; those who 
 are impatient, fretting themselves into angry 
 passions at this wanton waste of their pre- 
 cious time; and many whose connection 
 might perhaps have been highly valuable, 
 leaving them altogether, in consequence of 
 being wearied or disgusted with the uncer- 
 tainty which attended all their proceedings. 
 
 It is not, therefore, our own time only that 
 is wasted by our want of punctuality, but 
 hours, and days, and months, and years of 
 the precious property of others, over which 
 we had no right, and which was not inten- 
 tionally submitted to our thoughtless expen- 
 diture. 
 
 It is often alleged by young persons as be- 
 ing of no use for them to be punctual, when 
 others are not so, and that they only waste
 
 a 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 heir own time by being ready at fhe ap- 
 pointod moment. All this may be too true ; 
 or parents and seniors in a family often have 
 themselves to blame for the want of punctu- 
 lity in the junior members. Yet is it of no 
 mportance, whether we are the causes or 
 the subjects of injury whether we practise 
 njustice towards others, or only endure it 
 ourselves? Surely no generous mind can 
 lesitate a moment which alternative to 
 choose, especially when such choice refers 
 not to any single act, but to a course of con- 
 duct pursued through a whole lifetime. Of 
 what material consequence will it appear to 
 us on the Bed of death, that certain individ- 
 uals, at different times of our lives, have 
 cept us waiting for a few hours, which 
 might certainly have been better employed ? 
 But it will be of immense importance at the 
 close of life, if, by our habitual want of punc- 
 tuality, we have been the cause of an enor- 
 mous waste of time, the property of count- 
 less individuals, to whom we can make no 
 repayment for any single act of such unli- 
 censed robbery. It is the principle of integ- 
 rity, then, upon which our punctuality must 
 be founded, and the law of love will render it 
 habitual 
 
 As there are few persons who deliberately 
 intend to be idle ; so there are perhaps stiil 
 fewer who deliberately intend to waste their 
 own time, or that of their friends. It is th& 
 lapse of years, the growth of experience, and 
 the establishment of character on some par- 
 ticular basis, which tell the humiliating truth, 
 that time has been culpably and lamentably 
 wasted. There are other delusions, however, 
 besides those already specified, under which 
 this fruitless expenditure is unconsciously 
 carried on ; and none is perhaps, as a whole, 
 more destructive to usefulness, or more fatal 
 to domestic peace, than the habit of being al- 
 ways a little too late too late to come too 
 late to go too late to meet at the place of 
 appointment too late to be useful too late 
 to do good too late to repent and seek for- 
 giveness while the gates of mercy are un- 
 closed. All these may be the consequences 
 of setting out in life, without a firm determi- 
 
 nation never to yield to the dangerous habit 
 of being a little too late. 
 
 In this case it is not so much the absolute 
 waste of time, as the waste of feeling, which 
 is to be regretted ; for no one can be habitual- 
 ly ever so little too late, without experien- 
 cing at times a degree of hurry and distraction 
 of mind, most destructive of domestic com- 
 fort and individual peace. 
 
 To be a few minutes too early, may appear 
 to many as inconsistent with the order of the 
 present day, when every thing is pushed to 
 extremity, and it may consequently be con- 
 sidered as a useless waste of time ; yet I am 
 inclined to think that the moments in which 
 we can say, " I am ready," are among some 
 of the most precious of our lives, as affording 
 us opportunity for that calm survey of human 
 affairs, without which we should pass in a 
 state of comparative blindness along the 
 thickly-peopled walks of life. To be ready a 
 little before the time, is like pausing for a mo- 
 ment to see the great machine of human 
 events at work, to mark the action and the 
 play of every part, and to observe the vast 
 amount of feeling which depends upon every 
 turn of the mighty wheel of time. 
 
 Who that has stood still, and watched the 
 expression of the human countenance during 
 the last struggles of a too late preparation for 
 pleasure, for business, or for trial, has not, in 
 a single moment, read more plain truths on 
 that unguarded page than years of its ordi- 
 nary expression would have unfolded ! Be- 
 sides this, however, the great advantage we 
 derive from being habitually too early, is the 
 power it gives us to husband our forces, to 
 make our calculations upon coming events, 
 to see how to improve upon yesterday, and 
 to resolve to do so ; but, above all other 
 means of strengthening our better resolutions, 
 it affords us time for those mental appeals 
 for Divine blessing and support, without 
 which we have no right to expect either safe- 
 ty, assistance, or success. Fortified in this 
 manner, it is less likely that any unexpected 
 event should unsettle the balance of our 
 minds, because we go forth with calmness, 
 prepared either to enjoy with moderation and
 
 ECONOMY OF TIME. 
 
 19 
 
 thankfulness, or to suffer with patience and 
 resignation. 
 
 Young persons are often beguiled into the 
 dangerous habit of being a little too late, by 
 the apparent unimportance of each particular 
 transgression of the kind duriqg the season 
 of youth. If, for instance, they are a little 
 too late for breakfast, the matron of the fami- 
 ly commences operations without them, and 
 they can easily gain time upon some of the 
 senior members. At the dinner-hour it is the 
 same. They have only to calculate upon a 
 few impatient words, and a few angry looks ; 
 and it is not the least unfavorable feature of 
 their case, that to such looks and words they 
 become so accustomed as scarcely to heed 
 them, nor is it often that they bring any more 
 serious consequences upon themselves by 
 their delay, because the young are generally 
 so kindly assisted and cared for by their 
 friends, that by a long, and patient, and often- 
 repeated process of helping, urging, and en- 
 treating, they are, for the most part, got ready 
 for every important occasion, or, in other 
 words, are seldom left behind. 
 
 It is in more advanced life that the evil 
 begins to tell upon the happiness of all around 
 them ; and let it never be forgotten, that the 
 more exalted their situation, the wider their 
 sphere of influence, the more extensive are 
 the evils resulting from any wrong line of 
 conduct they may choose to pursue. The 
 season of early youth is, therefore, the best 
 time for correcting this tendency, before it 
 has begun to bear with any serious effects 
 upon the good or the happiness of others. 
 
 We will suppose the case of a mistress of 
 a family preparing for a journey. Having 
 been a little too late with every thing which 
 had to be done, there is a frightful accumula- 
 tion of demands upon her attention during 
 the last day, but especially the last half-hour 
 before her departure. In this state of hurry 
 and confusion wrong orders are given, which 
 have to be counteracted ; messengers are 
 sent hither and thither, they scarcely know 
 for what, and still less where to find the thing 
 they seek. Servants grow disorderly, chil- 
 dren teasing or frightened, the husband is 
 
 angry, and sharp words pass between him 
 and his wife. Accidents, of course, occur, 
 for which the innocent are blamed. Time 
 pitiless time rolls on, apparently with accele- 
 rating speed. The distant sound of carriage- 
 wheels is heard. At this crisis a string breaks. 
 Why did it never break before 1 A flash of 
 absolute passion distorts the face of the ma- 
 tron. All dignity is lost. The carriage is at the 
 door little children stretch forth their arms 
 there is no time for tenderness. Scarce- 
 ly a farewell is heard, as the mother rushes 
 past them, leaving behind her, perhaps for 
 months of absence, the remembrance of her 
 angry countenance, her unjust reproaches, 
 and the apparent want of affection with which 
 she could hurry away from the very beings 
 she loved best in the world. The servants 
 in such a family as this, can scarcely be blam- 
 ed if they rejoice when their mistress is gone ; 
 the husband, if he finds abundant consolation 
 in the peace his absent partner has bequeathed 
 him ; or the children, if they fail to look.with 
 any very eager expectation to the time of 
 their mother's return. 
 
 How, then, does the law of love operate 
 here ? It operates upon the woman who is 
 seldom too late, so that when a journey is in 
 expectation, all things are arranged in due 
 time, leaving the last day more especially for 
 attention to the claims of affection, and the 
 regulation of household affairs, upon which 
 will depend the comfort of her family during 
 her absence. Rising a little earlier than usual 
 on that morning, she commends them indivi- 
 dually and collectively to the care of the Fa- 
 ther of all the families of earth ; and this very 
 act gives a depth, a tenderness, and a se- 
 renity to the feelings of affection with which 
 she meets them, it may be for the last time. 
 Kind words are then spoken, which dwell 
 upon the memory in after years ; provision 
 is made for the feeble or the helpless ; every 
 little peculiarity of character or constitution 
 is taken into account ; last charges those 
 precious memorials of earthly love are given, 
 and treasured up. There is time even for 
 private and confidential intercourse between 
 the husband and the wife ; there is time for
 
 20 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF KNCF.ANI). 
 
 a respectful farewell to every domestic ; there 
 is time, too, for an expression of thankfulness 
 for each one of the many kind offices render- 
 ed on that sacred day. At last the moment 
 of separation arrives. Silent tears are seen 
 in every eye, but they are not absolutely tears 
 of sorrow ; for who can feel sorrow, when 
 the cup of human love is so full of sweet- 
 ness 1 
 
 If, during the absence of such a mother, 
 sickness or death should assail any member 
 of her family, how will the remembrance of 
 that day of separation soothe the absent ; 
 while the kind words then uttered, the kind 
 thoughts then felt, the kind services then 
 | rendered, will recur to remembrance, invest- 
 ed with a power and a beauty, which never 
 would have been fully known, had no such 
 separation taken place. 
 
 It is possible the natural affection of the 
 wife and the mother, in both these cases, 
 may have been the same ; yet, how different 
 must be the state of their own feelings, and 
 of those of their separate families, one hour 
 after their departure ! and not during that 
 hour only, but during weeks and months, 
 nay, through the whole of their lives ! for 
 the specimen we have given, is but one 
 among the many painful scenes which must 
 perpetually occur in the experience of those 
 who are habitually too late. 
 
 It is true, I have extended the picture a 
 little beyond the season of early youth, but 
 this was absolutely necessary in order to 
 point out the bearing and ultimate tendency 
 of this dangerous habit a habit, like many 
 of our wrong propensities, so insidious 
 in its nature, as scarcely to tell upon the 
 youthful character ; while, like many other 
 plants of evil growth, its seed is sown at that 
 period of life, though we scarcely perceive 
 the real nature of the poisonous tree, until 
 its bitter root has struck too deep to be 
 eradicated. It is, therefore, the more im- 
 portant, in all we purpose, and in all we do, 
 that we should look to the end, and not 
 awake, when it is too late, to find that we 
 have miscalculated either our time or our 
 means. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 CLEVERNESS LEARNING KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 IN order to speak with more precision of 
 those attainment* which youth is the season 
 for acquiring, I must class them under three 
 different heads cleverness, learning, and 
 knowledge. By cleverness, I would be un- 
 stood to mean, dexterity and aptness in doing 
 every thing which falls within the sphere of 
 ordinary duty. Cleverness of the hand, is 
 no mean attainment in a woman. It is, in 
 fact, of almost as much value to her, as dex- 
 terity to the surgeon ; for though he may 
 have knowledge to understand what is best 
 to be done, unless his hand be skilful to do it, 
 his knowledge will avail him but little in any 
 case of emergency, where the life of a fellow- 
 creature is at stake. 
 
 The cleverness of the hand, therefore, 
 though almost entirely neglected in modern 
 education, except as relates to practice on the 
 keys of the piano, is a qualification which, 
 while it takes nothing away from the charm 
 of feminine delicacy, imparts the additional 
 charm of perpetual cheerfulness, added to a 
 capability of general usefulness, and a conse- 
 quent readiness for action whenever occasion 
 may require our services. 
 
 To know how to do every thing which can 
 properly come within a woman's sphere of 
 duty, ought to be the ambition of every female 
 mind. For my own part, I do not believe I 
 have ever learned any thing, even down to 
 such a trifle as a new stitch, but I have 
 found a use for it, and that in a surprisingly 
 short space of time ; for either it has occu- 
 pied what would otherwise have been idle 
 time, it has used up what would otherwise 
 have been wasted material, or I have taught 
 it to others who were more in need of it than 
 myself. Besides which, there is the grand 
 preventive this dexterity supplies against 
 ever being at a loss what to do ; the happi- 
 ness it affords, both to ourselves and others, 
 to be perpetually employed ; the calm it dif- 
 fuses over a naturally restless temperament ; 
 but above all, the ability this habit affords in 
 cases of sickness, or other emergency, to
 
 CLEVERNESS, LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 21 
 
 turn all our means to account in the service 
 of our friends. 
 
 This, however, can never be so thoroughly 
 effected, as when the cleverness of the hand 
 is aided ty the faculty of invention. And 
 here I would ask, how is it, how can it be, 
 that the exercise of this faculty forms so tri- 
 fling a part of female education 1 Never 
 does a woman enter upon the actual business 
 of life, whatever it may be, but her ingenuity 
 is taxed in some way r other 1 ; and she suf- 
 ; fers blame, or endures contempt, just so far 
 as she fails in this respect. If, at a critical 
 juncture of time, any accident takes place in 
 household affairs, woman is expected to 
 cover up the defect, or supply the deficiency. 
 If any article of common use is missing when 
 wanted, woman is expected to provide a 
 substitute. If the accustomed supply of 
 comfort or enjoyment fails, it is woman's 
 fault. No matter how great the deficiency 
 of material with which she has to work, do- 
 mestic comfort, order, and respectability rest 
 with her, and she must be accountable for 
 the falling short in any, or all of these. It is 
 true that she is endowed by nature with the 
 faculty of invention, in a higher degree, per- 
 haps, than men, and skilfully and nobly does 
 she sometimes use it ; but does not the very 
 fact of this endowment teach us that it has 
 thus been provided by Providence for the 
 part she has to act in life 1 and ought we not 
 the more sedulously to carry out this merci- 
 ful design, by a higher cultivation of so useful 
 a faculty 7 Why, for instance, should we 
 not have premiums on a small scale, or other 
 encouragements, in our public seminaries, for 
 the most ingenious and useful inventions? 
 Why should there not be a little museum at- 
 tached to every school, in which such specU 
 mens of ingenuity could be kept 1 We all 
 know there are few simple pleasures which 
 surpass those derived from the exercise of 
 the faculty of invention ; might it not, there- 
 fore, be rendered as profitable as it is amu- 
 sing, by filling up some of the idle hours of 
 a school-girl's life, and occupying the time 
 fc>o frequently appropriated to mere gossip 
 on subjects By no means calculated to im- 
 
 prove the morals, or enlarge the understand, 
 ing 7 
 
 The little girl of four years old, seated on 
 a footstool beside her mother, is less happy 
 in the rosy cheeks and shining curls of her 
 new doll, than in the shawl she has herself 
 invented for it, or the bonnet her sister is 
 making. It is the same throughout the 
 whole season of early youth. What is draw- 
 ing, that most delightful of all amusements to 
 a child, but the exercise of the faculty of in- 
 vention 1 So soon as this exercise is reduced 
 to a science, so soon as "perspective 
 dawns," and the juvenile performer is com- 
 pelled to copy, the charm of the performance 
 in a great measure ceases. It is true, it will 
 be restored a hundredfold when acquaint- 
 ance with the rules of art shall enable the 
 young student again to design, and with bet- 
 ter effect ; but during her infancy, she has 
 far more enjoyment in her own red-brick 
 house, with a volume of green smoke issuing 
 from every chimney and in her own round- 
 bodied man, whose nose is emulous of a 
 beak, and his eye in the centre of his head 
 than in the most elaborate and finished draw- 
 ings which a master could lay before her ;. 
 not, certainly, because she sees more sym- 
 metry or likelihood in these creatures of her 
 own formation, but simply because of the 
 pleasure she enjoyed while inventing them. 
 
 It is a subject of delightful reflection, and it 
 ought to be a source of unfailing gratitude, 
 that some of those natural propensities which 
 afford us the greatest pleasure, are, in reality, 
 capable of being made conducive to the 
 greatest good. Thus, when the little quiet 
 girl is so happy and so busy with her pencils, 
 or her scissors, she is indulging that natural 
 propensity of her mind, which is, in after life, 
 to render her still happier, by enabling her to 
 turn to the best account every means of in- 
 creasing the happiness of those around her, 
 of rendering assistance in any social or do- 
 mestic calamity that may occur, of supply in 
 every time of household need, and of com- 
 fort in every season of distress. 
 
 But if the value of invention, and the 
 ready application of existing means, be over-
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 looked under all other circumstances in a 
 sick-room, none can doubt its efficacy. The 
 visitations of sickness, however unlikely or 
 unlocked for they may be to the young, are 
 liable to all the gay and the grave, the rich 
 and the poor, the vigorous and the feeble ; 
 and we have only to visit some of those fa- 
 vorite spots of earth which have become the 
 resort of invalids from every land, to see 
 how often the most delicate females are 
 plunged into all the solemn and sacred 
 mysteries of the chamber of sickness and 
 death. 
 
 It is under such circumstances that inge- 
 nuity, when connected with kindly feeling, 
 and readiness to assist, is of the utmost pos- 
 sible value. There may be the same kind 
 feeling without it ; but how is such feeling to 
 operate 1 by teasing the invalid perpetually 
 about what he would like, or not like ? The 
 querulous and fretful state of mind which 
 suffering so often induces, is ill-calculated to 
 brook this minute investigation of its wants 
 and wishes ; and such is the capricious na- 
 ture of a sickly appetite, that every antici- 
 pated relish is apt to pall, before the feeble 
 desire can be gratified. We are therefore in- 
 flicting positive pain upon the sufferer men- 
 tal pain, in addition to that of the body, by 
 compelling him to choose, and then to appear 
 discontented, or ungrateful, in becoming dis- 
 satisfied with his own choice. 
 
 How thankful, then, ought women to be, 
 that they possess, by nature, the faculty of 
 invention ; and how careful ought to be their 
 cultivation of this precious gift, when it can 
 enable them to relieve from pain and annoy- 
 ance those who already feel that they have 
 enough of both ! How happy, in comparison, 
 is that woman, who, by the habitual exercise 
 of her ingenuity, is able so to make the most 
 of the means within her power, as to supply, 
 without its having to be solicited, the very 
 thing which is most needed ; and though her 
 endeavors may possibly fail again and again, 
 there will sometimes be a smile of grateful 
 acknowledgment on the lips of the sufferer, 
 that will richly repay her most anxious care ; 
 or, if not, she will still be happier, when oc- 
 
 cupied by a series of inventions for the bene- 
 fit of one she loves, than those can be who 
 think, and think again, and end by only 
 wishing they could think of any thing that 
 could accommmodate or relieve. 
 
 The faculty of invention, however, will 
 fail of more than half its use, if the hand is 
 not early accustomed to obey the head, in all 
 those little niceties of management which fe- 
 male occupations require. There must be a 
 facility in the application and movement of 
 the hand, which can only be acquired in 
 early life ; and I would humbly suggest the 
 importance of this in our public seminaries 
 for young ladies, for I confess it has often 
 seemed to me a little hard, that young wo- 
 men of the middle ranks of life, should be 
 dismissed from these establishments, after 
 having spent years with little more exercise 
 of the hand than is required by the music- 
 master ; yet are they no sooner plunged into 
 active life, as women I do not say, as la- 
 dies than the readiest and best, nay, some- 
 times, even the cheapest, method of doing 
 every thing which a woman can do, is ex- 
 pected of them. In all those cases of failure 
 which must necessarily ensue, parents and 
 brothers are equally dissatisfied ; while they 
 themselves, disappointed that their accom- 
 plishments are no longer valued as they were 
 at school, and perplexed with the new, and 
 apparently humbling duties which present 
 themselves, sink into a state of profitless de- 
 spondency ; and all this is owing to the sim- 
 ple fact of their not having been prepared, 
 when young, for what is expected of them in 
 after life. 
 
 Far be it from me, however, to advocate 
 the old system of stitching, as the best kind 
 of education for the daughters of England, 
 of whom higher and nobler things are re- 
 quired. But why should we not choose the 
 medium between two extremes 1 and while 
 we reprobate the elaborate needlework of our 
 grandmothers, why should we not be equally 
 solicitous to avoid the evils arising from an 
 entire disuse of the female hand, until the 
 age of womanhood? Neither would I Be 
 supposed to advocate that entire absorption
 
 CLEVERNESS, LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 23 
 
 of the female mind in a world of worsted 
 work, which is now so frequently the case 
 immediately on leaving school, and which I 
 am inclined to attribute, in a great measure, 
 to a necessary reaction of the mind, after 
 having been occupied during the whole term 
 of scholastic discipline, in what is so foreign 
 to its nature, that the first days nay, months, 
 and even years, of liberty, are spent in the 
 busy idleness of assorting different shades of 
 Berlin wool. 
 
 These, I must allow, are pleasant amuse- 
 ments in their way, and when the head and 
 the heart are weary, may have their refresh- 
 ment and their use ; but even in these occu- 
 pations, the beaten track of custom is too 
 much followed. The hand is more exercised 
 than the head. To imitate is more the ob- 
 ject than to invent, while, if the same pains 
 were taken to create a pattern as to borrow 
 one, new ideas might be perpetually struck 
 out, and the mind, even in this humble 
 sphere of action, might find as much em- 
 ployment as the hand. 
 
 It is sometimes made the subject of regret 
 by learned, well-informed, and highly-gifted 
 women, that the occupations peculiar to our 
 sex are so trifling ; or, in other words, that 
 they afford so little exercise for the mind. 
 To say nothing here of the folly and the 
 danger of allowing ourselves to despise such 
 duties as God has set before us, I am dis- 
 posed to question whether it is not in a great 
 measure our own fault that these duties are in- 
 vested with so little mind. Invention is surely 
 no mean faculty, and I have shown how it 
 may be exercised, even upon the most tri- 
 fling affairs of woman's life. Economy is no 
 mean principle, and this may be acted upon 
 in the application of the humblest means to 
 any particular end. Industry is no mean 
 virtue, and we may be practising this, while 
 filling up every spare moment with some oc- 
 cupation of the hand. Cheerfulness is no 
 mean embellishment to the female character ; 
 and seldom is cheerfulness preserved, when 
 the hand is allowed to be useless and idle. 
 
 I confess there is a listless way of merely 
 "getting through" with female occupations, 
 
 in which little mind, and still less good feeling, 
 is called into action : but when a lively in- 
 vention is perpetually at work ; when a care- 
 ful economy is practised for the sake of mak- 
 ing the most of all our materials, and sparing 
 our money, it may be for the purpose of as- 
 sisting the sorrowful or the destitute. Where 
 habits of industry are thus engrafted into 
 the character ; and where cheerfulness lights 
 up every countenance in a family thus em- 
 ployed ; especially where there is any con- 
 siderable degree of talent or illumination of 
 mind, how many brilliant thoughts may arise 
 out of the simplest subject, and how much 
 rational enjoyment may be derived from the 
 humblest occupations ! 
 
 I cannot dismiss the subject of cleverness, 
 or dexterity in doing whatever may come 
 within the sphere of female duty, without 
 observing that its importance refers in an 
 especial manner to domestic usefulness. Nor 
 let the young lady, who may read this, too 
 hastily turn away with contempt from so 
 humble a strain of advice. It does not fol- 
 low, because she knows how to do every 
 thing, that she must always do it. But it 
 does follow, that if she wishes to stand at the 
 head of her household, to be respected by her 
 own servants, and to feel herself the mistress 
 of her own affairs, that she must be acquainted 
 with the best method of doing every thing 
 upon which domestic comfort depends. 
 
 These remarks can of course have no ref- 
 erence to families who occupy a higher rank 
 in society, and whose means enable them to 
 employ a housekeeper as the medium of 
 communication between the mistress and* the 
 servants. I speak of those who have to give 
 orders themselves, or who, in cases of illness, 
 receiving company, or other derangements^ 
 of the usual routine of domestic affairs, have 
 to take an active part in household economy 
 themselves. To such, how unfortunate is it not 
 to have learned, before they attempt to direct 
 others, the best method of applying every 
 means so as to be productive of the greatest 
 comfort, at the least expense ! I would of 
 course be understood to mean, with the least 
 possible risk of absolute waste. Your table
 
 21 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 may be sumptuous or simple, your furniture 
 costly or plain that will depend upon the 
 rate at which you fix your expenditure, and 
 has nothing to do with the point in question. 
 The absolute waste of material, in whatever 
 is manufactured, prepared, or produced, is 
 an evil of a distinct nature, and can never be 
 allowed to any extent, where it is possible to 
 be avoided, without a deficiency of common 
 sense, or moral rectitude. 
 
 In my observations upon the women of 
 England, I have dwelt-eo much upon the de- 
 sirableness of domestic usefulness, that I can- 
 not with propriety enlarge upon it here. Yet, 
 such is my view of this subject, that if I were 
 asked which of the three was most valuable 
 in a woman cleverness, learning, or know- 
 ledge ; and supposing all to have an aqual 
 accompaniment of good sense, good feeling, 
 and good principle, I believe I should answer 
 in favor of the first, provided the situation of 
 the woman was in the middle rank of life, 
 and she could not enjoy more than one of 
 these valuable recommendations. 
 
 Youth is considered to be so exclusively 
 the season for acquiring a skilful touch in 
 the practice of music, that scarcely is the ex- 
 periment ever tried of acquiring the same 
 dexterity in after life. If then it is the only 
 time for attaining excellence in what is mere- 
 ly an embellishment to the character, of how 
 much importance must this season be for 
 practising the hand in that ready obedience 
 to the head in all affairs of actual usefulness, 
 which justly entitles its possessor to the dis- 
 tinction of cleverness ! 
 
 In order to convey a more correct idea of 
 my meaning, when I speak of cleverness, I 
 will simply add, that a woman possessed of 
 this qualification is seldom at a loss what to 
 do ; seldom gives wrong orders ; seldom 
 mistakes the right means of producing the 
 end she desires ; seldom spoils, or wastes, or 
 mismanages the work she undertakes ; never 
 hurries to and fro in a state of confusion, not 
 knowing what is best to be done first ; and 
 never yields to her own feelings, so as to in- 
 capacitate her from the service of others, at 
 any critical moment when her assistance may 
 
 be most needed. Not.are her recommenda- 
 tions only of a negative kind. Her habitual 
 self-possession is a positive good, her cool- 
 ness, her promptitude, her power to adapt 
 herself to circumstances, all give worth and 
 dignity to her character in the estimation of 
 others ; while they afford peace and satisfac- 
 tion to her own mind. 
 
 LEARNING, Dr. Johnson tells us, is skill in 
 languages or science. With regard to the 
 time spent in the acquisition of languages, I 
 fear I must incur the risk of being thought 
 neither liberal nor enlightened ; for I confess, 
 I do not see the value of languages to a 
 woman, except so far as they serve the pur- 
 pose of conversation with persons of different 
 countries, or acquaintance with the works of 
 authors, whose essential excellences cannot 
 be translated into our own tongue ; and how 
 far these two objects are carried out by the 
 daughters of England, either from necessity 
 or inclination, I must leave to their own con- 
 sideration. 
 
 With regard to the dead languages, the 
 former of these two motives cannot apply. 
 It may, however, be justly considered as a 
 wholesome exercise of the mind, provided 
 there is nothing better to be done, for young 
 women to learn Greek and Latin ; but be- 
 yond this, I feel perfectly assured, that for 
 any knowledge they will acquire through the 
 medium of the best Greek and Latin authors, 
 our most approved translations would more 
 than answer their purpose. It is true, that 
 a knowledge of these languages gives an in- 
 sight into the meaning of many important 
 words in our own ; yet, an early and exten- 
 sive reading of our standard books would 
 unquestionably give the same, along with a 
 greater fund of useful and practical informa- 
 tion ; and for every purpose of female elocu- 
 tion, I strongly suspect that good Saxon- 
 English would be found as clear, impressive, 
 and convincing, as any which can boast a 
 more classical construction. 
 
 There is one motive assigned in the pre- 
 sent day, for young ladies learning Greek, 
 but especially Hebrew, which I should be 
 sorry to treat with irreverence or disrespect,
 
 CLEVERNESS, LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 25 
 
 because it has weight w ith some of the most 
 serious and estimable of their sex. I mean 
 the plea of being thus enabled to read the 
 Scriptures in the original. Now, if such 
 young ladies have really nothing better, to 
 do, or if from the high order of their natural 
 capabilities they have a chance, even the re- 
 motest, of being able to throw some addi- 
 tional light upon our best translations, far be 
 it from me to wish to put the slightest ob- 
 stacle in their way. Yet, I own it does ap- 
 pear to me a little strange, that after consider- 
 ing the length of time required for attaining 
 a sufficient knowledge of these languages, 
 and the number of learned commentators 
 and divine?, who have spent the best part of 
 their valuable lives, in laboring to ascertain 
 the true meaning of the language of the 
 Scriptures, and when the result of those la- 
 bors is open to the public, it does appear to 
 me a little strange, that any young woman, 
 of moderate abilities, should enter into the 
 field with such competitors, in the hope of 
 attaining a nearer approach to the truth than 
 they have done ; and I have been led to 
 question, whether it would not be quite as 
 well for such individuals to be content to 
 take the Bible as it is, and to employ the ad- 
 ditional time they would thus become pos- 
 sessed of, in disseminating its truths and 
 acting out its principles, so far as they have 
 already been made clear to the humblest un- 
 derstanding. 
 
 These remarks, however, have especial 
 reference to moderate abilities; because there 
 is with some persons a peculiar gift for the 
 acquisition of languages ; and believing, as 
 I do, that no gift is bestowed in vain, I 
 would not presume to question the propriety 
 of such young persons spending at least some 
 portion of their lives, in endeavoring to ac- 
 quire the power of doing for themselves, 
 what has already been done for them. 
 
 It is a remarkable phenomenon in our na- 
 ture, that some of those persons who have 
 the greatest facility in acquiring languages, 
 have the least perception of the genius or 
 spirit of such languages when they are ac- 
 quired. The knowledge of many languages 
 
 obtains for its possessor the distinction of 
 being learned ; but if she goes no further, if 
 she never expatiates in the new world of 
 literature, into which her knowledge might 
 have introduced her ; she is but like a curi- 
 ous locksmith, who opens the door upon 
 some hidden treasure, and who, instead of 
 examining or appropriating the precious store 
 to which he has obtained access, goes on to 
 another door, and then another, satisfied 
 with merely being master of the keys, and 
 knowing how to unlock at his pleasure. 
 
 To women of this class of mind, provided 
 they belong to the middle rank of life, and 
 are not intended either for teachers or trans- 
 lators, of what possible use can be the learn- 
 ing of the dead languages? and to others 
 similarly circumstanced, but without this pe- 
 culiar talent, there are excellent translations 
 in almost every library, from which they will 
 acquire a greater number of ideas, and be- 
 come more intimately acquainted with the 
 spirit of the writer, and the customs and the 
 times of which he wrote, than it is probable 
 they ever could have been from their own 
 reading of the same works in the original. 
 With regard to modern languages, the case 
 is very different. Facilities of communica- 
 tion between one country and another are 
 now so great, that it has become no longer a 
 dream of romance, but a matter of reasonable 
 calculation, with our young women, even in 
 the humble ranks of life, that they should 
 some time or other go abroad. With our 
 modern writers, too, it is so much the custom 
 to indulge in the use of at least three lan- 
 guages, while professing to write in one, as 
 to render it almost a necessary part of female 
 education to learn both French and Italian. 
 If these languages have not been sufficiently 
 attended to at school, they may, therefore, 
 with the utmost propriety, be added to such 
 studies as it is desirable to continue for some 
 years afterwards ; and while their more per- 
 fect acquisition is an object of laudable de- 
 sire, the mind, as it expands in its progress 
 towards maturity, will be better able to ap- 
 preciate the beauties they unfold. 
 
 I have been compelled, during the course
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of these remarks, to use an expression which 
 requires some explanation. I have said, that 
 a young woman may with propriety learn 
 even the dead languages, provided she has 
 nothing better to do ; by which, I would be 
 understood to mean, provided she does not 
 consequently leave undone what would ren- 
 der her more useful or amiable as a woman. 
 The settlement of this question must depend 
 entirely upon the degree of her talent, and 
 the nature of her position in life. If she has 
 no other talent likely to make her so useful 
 as that which is employed in learning Greek, 
 Latin, and Hebrew, this settles the point at 
 once, or if she has no duties so important to 
 her as to ascertain the derivation of words, 
 or to study the peculiarities of heathen writers, 
 then by all means let her be a learned lady, 
 for every study, every occupation of mind, 
 provided it does not include what is evil, 
 must be preferable to absolute idleness. 
 
 But may we not turn to the consideration 
 of science as opening a wide field of interest- 
 ing study, which does more to enlarge the 
 mind, and give right views of common things, 
 than the mere acquisition of language ? 
 
 " Science ! wl^pt have we to do with sci- 
 ence?" exclaim half a dozen soft voices at 
 once. Certainly not to give public lectures, 
 nor always to attend them, unless you go 
 with your understanding prepared by some 
 previous reading, or acquaintance with the 
 subjects, which in the lecture-room are neces- 
 sarily rather illustrated, than fully explained. 
 Neither is it necessary that you should sacri- 
 fice any portion of your feminine delicacy by 
 diving too deep, or approaching too near the 
 professor's chair. A slight knowledge of 
 science in general is all which is here recom- 
 mended, so far as it may serve to obviate 
 some of those groundless and irrational fears, 
 which arise out of mistaken apprehensions 
 of the phenomena of nature and art ; but, 
 above all, to enlarge our views of the great 
 and glorious attributes of the Creator, as ex- 
 hibited in the most sublime, as well as the 
 most insignificant, works of his creation. 
 
 Perhaps one of the lowest advantages, and 
 I am far from thinking it a low one either, 
 
 which is derived by women from a general 
 knowledge of science, is, that it renders them 
 more companionable to men. If they are 
 solicitous to charm the nobler sex by their 
 appearance, dress, and manners, surely it is 
 of more importance to interest them by their 
 conversation. By the former they may please ; 
 by the latter they may influence, and that to 
 the end of their lives. Yet, how is it possi- 
 ble to interest by their conversation, without 
 some understanding of the subjects which 
 chiefly occupy the minds of men? Most 
 kindly, however, has it been accorded by 
 man to his feeble sister, that it should not be 
 necessary for her to talk much, even on his 
 favorite topics, in order to obtain his favor. 
 An attentive listener is generally all that he 
 requires; but in order to listen attentively, 
 and with real interest, it is highly important 
 that we should have considerable under- 
 standing of the subject discussed ; for the 
 interruption of a single foolish or irrelevant 
 question, the evidence of a wandering thought, 
 the constrained attitude of attention, or the 
 rapid response which conveys no proof of 
 having received an idea, are each sufficient 
 to break the charm, and destroy the satisfac- 
 tion which most men feel in conversing with 
 really intelligent women. 
 
 It is also worth some attention to this sub- 
 ject, if we can thereby dispel many of the 
 idle fears which occupy and perplex the 
 female mind. I have known women who 
 were quite as much afraid of a gun when it 
 was not loaded, as when it was ; others who 
 thought a steam-engine as likely to explode 
 when it waa not working, as when it was ; 
 and others still, who avowedly considered 
 thunder more dangerous than lightning. 
 Now, to say nothing of the irritation which 
 fears like these are apt to occasion in minds 
 of a more masculine order, it is surely no in- 
 significant attainment to acquire a habit of 
 feeling at ease, when there is really nothing 
 to be afraid of. 
 
 But, far beyond this, the use of science is 
 to teach us not to 
 
 " Wrong thee, mighty Nature ! 
 With whom adversity is but transition ;"
 
 CLEVERNESS, LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 27 
 
 and higher still, to teach us how the wisdom 
 and goodness of God pervade all creation. 
 Women are too much accustomed to look at 
 the animal, vegetable, and mineral kingdoms 
 with eyes that may almost literally be said 
 not to see. An insect is to them a little 
 troublesome thing, which flies or creeps ; a 
 flower is a petty ornament, with a sweet per- 
 fume ; and a mine of coal or copper, some- 
 thing which they read about in their geog- 
 raphy, as belonging to Newcastle or Wales. 
 I do not say that their actual knowledge is 
 thus limited ; but that they are too much in 
 the habit of regarding these portions of the 
 creation as such, and no more. 
 
 Chemistry, too, is apt to be considered by 
 young women as far too elaborate and mas- 
 culine a study to engage their attention ; and 
 thus they are satisfied, not only to go on 
 through life unacquainted with those won- 
 derful combinations and properties, which in 
 some of the most familiar things would throw 
 light upon their real nature, and proper use ; 
 but also to remain unenlightened in that no- 
 blest school of knowledge, which teaches the 
 sublime truth, that the wonder-working power 
 of God has been employed upon all the fa- 
 miliar, as well as the astonishing objects we 
 perceive ; and that the same power continues 
 to be exemplified in their perpetual creation, 
 their order, adaptation, and use. 
 
 Chiefly, however, would I recommend to 
 the attention of youth, an intimate acquaint- 
 ance with the nature and habits o f the ani- 
 mal world. Here we may find a source of 
 rational and delightful interest, which can 
 never fail us, so long as a bird is heard to 
 sing upon the trees, or a butterfly is seen to 
 sport among the flowers. 
 
 I will not go the length of recommending 
 to my young countrywomen to become col- 
 lectors, either of animals or of insects ; be- 
 cause, as in the case of translations from the 
 best of ancient writers, this has already been 
 done for them, better than they are likely to 
 do it for themselves ; and because I am not 
 quite sure, that simply for our own amuse- 
 ment, and without any reference to serving 
 the purpose of science, we have a right to 
 
 make even a beetle struggle to death upon 
 the point of a pin, or to crowd together boxes 
 full of living creatures, who, in the agony of 
 their pent-up sufferings, devour and destroy 
 one another. 
 
 Happily for us, there are ably written 
 books on these subjects, from which we can 
 learn more than from our own observation ; 
 and museums accessible to all, where differ- 
 ent specimens of insects, and other animals, 
 are so arranged as materially to assist in un- 
 derstanding their nature and classification ; 
 and far more congenial it surely must be to 
 the heart and mind of woman, to read all 
 which able and enlightened men have told 
 us of this world of wonder, and then to go 
 forth into the fields, and see the busy and 
 beautiful creatures by which it is inhabited, 
 sporting in the joyous freedom of nature, un- 
 harmed, and unsuspicious of harm. Yes, 
 there is an acquaintance with the animal cre- 
 ation, which might be cultivated, so as to do 
 good to the heart, both of the child and the 
 philosopher an acquaintance which seems 
 to absolve these helpless creatures from the 
 curse of estrangement from their sovereign 
 man an acquaintance which brings them 
 near to us in all their natural peculiarities, 
 their amazing instincts, and in the voiceless, 
 and otherwise unintelligible secrets of their 
 mysterious existence. 
 
 And it is good to be thus acquainted with 
 that portion of creation which acknowledges, 
 in common with ourselves, the great princi- 
 ple of animal b'fe, to know that enjoyment is 
 enjoyment, and that pain is pain, to myriads 
 and myriads of beings, in some respects more 
 beautiful, in others more curious, and in all 
 more innocent, than ourselves. It is good to 
 know, so far as men can know, for what pur- 
 pose Almighty power has created them. It is 
 good to behold their beauty, to understand 
 their wonderful formation, and to examine 
 the fairy fancy-work of some of their sacred 
 little homes. It is good to be acquainted 
 with the strength of the mother's love, when 
 she stoops her wing to the spoiler, and offers 
 her own life to save her tender brood. It is 
 good to know that the laws of nature s in
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 their filial and parental influences, cannot be 
 violated without sorrow as intense, though 
 not as lasting, as that which tortures the hu- 
 man heart on the separation of parent and 
 child. It is good to know how these crea- 
 tures, placed by Divine wisdom under the 
 power and dominion of man, are made to 
 suffer or to die when he neglects or abuses 
 them. 
 
 The earth and the air, the woods and the 
 streams, the gardens and the fields, tell us of 
 all this. When we sit under the shade of a 
 lofty tree, in the stillness of summer's balmy 
 noon, the note of the wood pigeon salutes us 
 from above. We look up, and the happy 
 couple are nestling on a bough, as closely, 
 side by side, as if the whole world to them 
 was nothing, so long as their faithful love 
 was left On a lower branch of the same 
 tree, or on a broken rail c\ose by, the little 
 robin sits and sings, looking occasionally 
 askance into the face of that lordly crea- 
 ture whom instinct teaches him to shun. 
 Yet is it less a reproachful, than an inquir- 
 ing glance, as if he would ask, whether you 
 could really wish to frighten him with all the 
 terrors which agitate his little breast on your 
 approach. And then he sings to you again, 
 a low soft warble ; though his voice is never 
 quite so sweet as in the autumn, when other 
 birds are silent, and he still sings on amidst 
 the falling leaves and faded flowers. Next, 
 the butterfly comes wavering into sight, yet 
 hastening on to turn its golden wings once 
 more up to the sunshine. The bee then h5r- 
 ries past, intent upon its labors, and attracted 
 only for a moment by the nosegay in your 
 hand ; while the grasshopper, that master of 
 ventriloquism, invites your curiosity now 
 here, now there, but never to the spot where 
 his real presence is to be found. And all 
 this while, the faithful dog is at your feet If 
 you rise, at the same moment he rises too ; 
 and if you sit down, he also composes him- 
 self to rest Ever ready to go, or stay, he 
 watches >your slightest movement ; and so 
 closely and mysteriously is his being absorb- 
 ed- in yours, that, although a ramble in the 
 fields affords him a perfect ecstasy of delight, 
 
 he never allows himself this indulgence, with- 
 out youi countenance and companionship. 
 
 But it is impossible so much as to name 
 one in a thousand of the sweet and cheering 
 influences of animal life upon the youthful 
 heart. The very atmosphere we live in 
 teems with it; the woods are vocal the 
 groves are filled with it ; while around our 
 doors, within our homes, and even at our 
 social hearth, the unfailing welcome, the tran- 
 sient glimpses of intelligence, the instinct, the 
 love of these creatures, are interwoven with 
 the vast chain of sympathy, which, through 
 the whole of what may be a wandering and 
 uncertain life, hinds us to that spot of earth 
 where we first awoke to a feeling of compan- 
 ionship with this portion of the creatures of 
 our heavenly Father's care. 
 
 Nor must we forget the wonderful and 
 mysterious affection which some animals are 
 capable of feeling for man. Often as we 
 may have failed to inspire the love we have 
 sought for among our fellow-creatures, we 
 are all capable of inspiring attachment here ; 
 nor does the fact of our being unattractive, 
 or comparatively worthless among mankind, 
 operate in the slightest degree to our disad- 
 vantage with this class of beings. Witness 
 the outcast from society the wanderer on 
 the public roads the poor and houseless 
 mendicant ; he still has his dog yes, and he 
 bears the cold repulse he meets with when 
 he asks for bread, better than he could bear 
 the desertion of that faithful animal : but he 
 fears it not The proud may pass him by 
 unheeded, the rich may spurn him from their 
 doors, the vulgar and the unfeeling may 
 make a mockery of his rags and wretched- 
 ness ; but when the stormy night comes on, 
 and he seeks the almost roofless shed to rest 
 his weary limbs, he is followed even there by 
 one friend, who creeps beside him with a 
 love as watchful and as true as if he shared 
 the silken couch of luxury and ease. 
 
 There are little motherless children, too, 
 and others not unacquainted with a feeling 
 of almost orphan solitude, who have felt, at 
 times, how the affection of a dumb animal 
 could supply the disappointed yearnings of a
 
 CLEVERNESS, LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 29 
 
 young warm heart. In after life, we may 
 learn to look upon these creatures with re- 
 spect, because our heavenly Father has 
 thought them worthy of his care ; but youth 
 is the season when \ve love them for their 
 own sakes ; and because we then discover 
 that they can be made, by kindness, to love 
 us. In youth alone can we feel to unite them 
 with ourselves in that bond of sympathy, 
 which will never afterwards allow us to treat 
 their sufferings with indifference, or to regard 
 their happiness as beyond the sphere of our 
 duty to promote. 
 
 Here, then, the law of love is made to 
 operate through innumerable channels of 
 sweet and natural feeling, extending over a 
 wide field of creation, and reaping its reward 
 of satisfaction wherever a poor animal is res- 
 cued from oppression, hunger, or pain. 
 
 The study of natural history is, perhaps, 
 the most congenial pursuit to which the mind 
 of youth can be introduced ; and it never can 
 begin with this too soon. The history and 
 nature of plants is the next most pleasing 
 study though far inferior to the first, for 
 this important reason : our acquaintance 
 with animals involves a moral feeling, and 
 not one feeling only, but a vast chain of sym- 
 pathies and affections, which, if not touched 
 in early life, are seldom afterwards called 
 forth with any degree of earnestness or 
 warmth ; and for a woman to be insensible 
 or indifferent to the happiness of the brute 
 creation, is an idea too repulsive to be dwelt 
 upon for a moment. 
 
 There is, however, a sickly sensibility in- 
 dulged in by some young ladies, which I 
 should be the last to recommend. Many, for 
 instance, will nurse and fondle animals, with- 
 out ever taking the trouble to feed them. 
 Others shrink away with loathing at the 
 sight of pain, which, if they would but exert 
 themselves to remove, might easily be reme- 
 died. I remember a young girl with whom 
 I was well acquainted, having watched a cat 
 torment a mouse until she could bear it no 
 longer, when at last, with a feeling of the ut- 
 most repugnance to the act, she snatched up 
 the poor lacerated mouse, and killed it in a 
 
 moment On seeing her do this, two very 
 delicate and estimable young ladies gave 
 themselves up to shrieks and hysterics, al- 
 though they had known for the previous 
 half hour that the little helpless animal had 
 been enduring the most cruel torture in the 
 claws of the cat, and they had borne this 
 knowledge with the greatest composure. 
 
 It is not, then, a delicate shrinking from 
 the- mere sight of pain, which constitutes that 
 kindly feeling towards the animal creation, 
 that forms so estimable a part of the female 
 character; but that expansive sentiment of 
 benevolence towards all the creatures of 
 God's formation, which is founded on the 
 principle of love, and which operates as a 
 principle in prompting us to promote the 
 good of all creatures that have life, and to 
 promote it on the widest possible scale. 
 
 But to return to the subject of botany. A 
 woman who does not love flowers, suffers a 
 great want in her supplies of healthy and 
 natural enjoyment How could the poet 
 Milton, when he pictured woman in her 
 highest state of excellence, have employed 
 our mother Eve, had he made her indifferent 
 to the beauty of the plants of paradise, or 
 negligent of the flowers which bloomed 
 around her 1 Still, I must acknowledge that 
 there is, to many minds, something the re- 
 verse of attractive in the first aspect of the 
 study of botany, as it is generally presented 
 to our attention. In this I am supported by 
 one of the most gifted of modern authors, 
 when he speaks of the " ponderous nomen- 
 clature" of botany having frightened many a 
 youthful student back from the portals of this 
 study. There are many persons now ad- 
 vanced in life, who deeply regret their want 
 of what is called a taste for botany, when the 
 fault has not been in their natural taste, so 
 much as in the form under which this study 
 was introduced to their notice in youth ; and 
 thus they have been shut out through the 
 whole of life, from the pleasure of expatia- 
 ting in a field, as boundless in its extent as 
 inexhaustible in its attractions. 
 
 These difficulties, however, are not insur- 
 mountable to all ; and youth is unquestiona-
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 bly the season for forming an intimate ac- 
 quaintance with this, the loveliest aspect of 
 nature ; so that in after life, when duties are 
 more imperative, and occupations more seri- 
 ous, and there is consequently less time for 
 minute investigation, every flower and every 
 plant may be met as a member of a well- 
 known family, and, as such, bear somewhat 
 of the character of a familiar friend. 
 
 It is the same with every part of the crea- 
 tion, whether natural history, or botany, or 
 geology, have occupied our attention, or 
 chemistry, or electricity, that great mystery 
 of the visible world, whose all-powerful 
 agency, the most sublime as well as the most 
 insignificant phenomena of nature are daily 
 and hourly tending to develop, an early 
 and intimate acquaintance with each and all 
 of these, must so far enlighten and enlarge 
 the mind, as to lead our thoughts beyond the 
 narrow limits of material existence, up to that 
 higher region of wonder and of love, where 
 to behold is to admire to feel is to adore. 
 
 From the consideration of the different ad- 
 vantages arising from such studies as it is 
 important should be pursued at an early pe- 
 riod of life, we are necessarily led to ask, 
 " What is the use of KNOWLEDGE in gener- 
 al?" 
 
 Nothing can well be mote vague than the 
 notions popularly entertained of the meaning 
 of knowledge. Dr. Johnson has called it 
 "general illumination of mind." But, if I 
 might be allowed to do so, I should prefer 
 restricting my use of the word knowledge, to 
 that acquaintance with facts, which, in con- 
 nection with the proper exercise of a healthy 
 mind, will necessarily lead to general illumi- 
 nation. A knowledge of the world, there- 
 fore, as I propose to use the expression, 
 must consequently mean, a knowledge of 
 such facts as the general habits of society 
 develop. 
 
 This is universally allowed to be a dan- 
 gerous knowledge, beause it cannot be ac- 
 quired without the risk of being frequently 
 deceived by the false aspect which society 
 assumes, and the still greater risk of having 
 our moral being too deeply absorbed in the 
 
 interest and excitement which the study 
 itself affords. No one can obtain a know- 
 ledge of the world, by being a mere specta- 
 tor. It is, therefore, safer and happier to 
 leave this study until the judgment is more 
 matured, and the habits and principles more 
 formed ; or rather I should say, to leave it as 
 a study altogether. Time and experience 
 teach us all it is necessary to know on this 
 subject ; and even duty urges us forward on 
 the theatre of life, when little enough pre- 
 pared for the temptations and the conflicts 
 we must there encounter. By absolute ne- 
 cessity, then, we acquire as much knowledge 
 of the world as any rational being needs de- 
 sire, and that is just sufficient to enable us to 
 judge of the consequences of certain princi- 
 ples, or modes of action, as they operate 
 upon the well-being of individuals, and of 
 society at large. Destitute of this degree of 
 worldly knowledge, we must ever be liable to 
 make the most serious mistakes in applying 
 the principle of benevolence, in forming our 
 estimate of the moral condition of mankind, 
 as well as in regulating our scale, of social 
 and relative duty. 
 
 A general knowledge of the political and 
 social state of the country in which we live, 
 and indeed of all countries, is of great impor- 
 tance, not only to men, but to women. Nor 
 let my fair readers be startled when I speak 
 of the political state of countries. You have 
 been accustomed to make history your study. 
 An acquaintance with the most important 
 eras in history is considered an essential part 
 of a female education. And can it be less 
 essential to know what events are taking 
 place in your own times, than what trans- 
 pired in past ages 1 Do not, however, mis- 
 understand me on this important subject. 
 Do not suppose it would add any embellish- 
 ment to your conversation, for you to discuss 
 what are called politic?, simply as such, es- 
 pecially when, as in nine cases out of ten, 
 you do not really understand what you are 
 talking about Do not take up any question 
 as belonging to your side, or your party, 
 while ignorant what the principles of that 
 party are. Above all, do not allow yourself
 
 CLEVERNESS, LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 31 
 
 to grow warm in your advocacy of any par- 
 ticular candidate for a seat in parliament, be- 
 cause he is a handsome man or has made a 
 fine speech. All this may supply an oppo- 
 site party with food for scandal, or for jest, 
 but has nothing at all to do with that patri- 
 otic and deep feeling of interest in the happi- 
 ness and prosperity of her own country, 
 which a benevolent and enlightened woman 
 must naturally entertain. 
 
 Destitute as some women are of every 
 spark of this feeling, it is but natural that 
 their conversation should at times be both 
 trifling and vapid ; and that when subjects 
 of general importance are discussed, they 
 should be too much occupied with a pattern 
 of worsted work, even to listen. 
 
 I one day heard a very accomplished and 
 amiable young lady lamenting that she had 
 nothing to talk about, except a subject which 
 had been playfully forbidden, " Talk about 
 the probability of a war," said I. " Why 
 should I talk about that 1" she replied. " It 
 is nothing to me whether there is war or not." 
 Now, this was said in perfect sincerity, and 
 yet the lady was a Christian woman, and one 
 who would have been very sorry to be sus- 
 pected of -not knowing the dates of most of 
 the great battles recorded in history. 
 
 I am perfectly aware that there are intri- 
 cate questions, brought before our senate, 
 which it may require a masculine order of 
 intellect fully to understand. But there are 
 others which may, and ought to engage the 
 attention of every female mind, such as the 
 extinction of slavery, the abolition of war in 
 general, cruelty to animals, the punishment 
 of death, temperance, and many more, on 
 which, neither to know, nor to feel, is almost 
 equally disgraceful. 
 
 I must again observe, it is by no means 
 necessary that we should talk much on these 
 subjects, even if we do understand them ; 
 but to listen attentively, and with real interest 
 when they are discussed by able and liberal- 
 minded men, is an easy and agreeable method 
 of enlarging our stock of valuable knowledge ; 
 and, by doing this when we are young, we 
 shall go on with the tide of public events, so 
 
 as to render ourselves intelligent companions 
 in old age ; and when the bloom of youth is 
 gone, and even animal spirits decline, we 
 shall have our conversation left, for the en- 
 tertainment and the benefit of our friends. 
 
 For my own part, I know of no interest 
 more absorbing, than that with which we 
 listen to a venerable narrator of by-gone facts 
 facts which have transpired under the ac- 
 tual observation of the speaker, in which ha 
 took a part, or which stirred the lives, and 
 influenced the conduct, of those by whom he 
 was surrounded. When such a person has 
 been a lover of sterling truth, and a close ob- 
 server of things as they really were in early 
 youth, his conversation is such as sages listen 
 to, and historians make the theme of their 
 imperishable pages. Yet, such a companion 
 every woman is capable of becoming ; and 
 since old age is not rich in its attractions, is 
 it not well worthy the attention of youth, to 
 endeavor to lay up, as a provision for the fu- 
 ture, such sterling materials for rational and 
 lasting interest 1 
 
 It is worthy of observation, however, that 
 such information can never be of half the 
 value when collected in a vague and indefi- 
 nite form. The lover of sterling truth alone 
 is able to render the relation of facts of any 
 real value. The mere story-teller, who paints 
 the truth in his own colors, may amuse for 
 an evening ; but unless we choose truth 
 absolute truth, as our companion in early life, 
 the foundation of our opinions, as well as of 
 our principles, will be ever liable to give way. 
 We must, therefore, cultivate a willingness 
 to see things as they really are. Not as our 
 friends do, or as our enemies do not see 
 them ; but simply as they are, and, as such, 
 to speak of them, without the bias of party 
 feeling, or the coloring of our own selfishness. 
 
 The local customs of the place in which 
 we live, and the habits of thinking of the 
 persons with whom We associate, will natural- 
 ly, in the course of time, produce considera- 
 ble effect upon our own views. But in youth, 
 the mind is free to choose, open to conviction, 
 uninfluenced by prejudice, and comparative- 
 ly unoccupied by previous impressions. It
 
 32 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 is, therefore, of the-utmost importance, in this 
 early stage of life, to cultivate that love of 
 truth which will enable us to see every ob- 
 ject as it really is, and to see it clearly ; for 
 there are vague impression?, and indefinite 
 perception?, which create in the mind a suc- 
 cession of shapeless images, as perplexing in 
 their variety, as they are uncertain in their 
 form. 
 
 Of persons whose minds are thus occupied, 
 it can scarcely be said that they love the 
 truth, because they seldom endeavor to as- 
 certain what the truth is ; and their conse- 
 quent deviations from the exact line of recti- 
 tude in thought and action, brings upon them, 
 not unfrequently, the charge of falsehood, 
 when they have all the while been true to the 
 image floating before them, but which assum- 
 ed a different character as often as interest or 
 inclination clothed it in fresh colors. 
 
 Vague and uncertain habits of thinking 
 and talking in early life, almost necessarily 
 lead to false conclusions ; nor is it the least 
 part of the evil, that those who indulge them 
 are extremely difficult to correct when wrong, 
 or rather when not exactly right ; because 
 conviction cannot be proved upon uncertain- 
 ty. All we can say of such persons is, that 
 they are as little wrong as right. We can- 
 not help them. They are perpetually falling 
 into difficulties, and, so long as they live, will 
 be liable to incur the suspicion of falsehood. 
 
 That a little knowledge is a dangerous 
 thing, may be proved by the observation of 
 every day. A little knowledge is generally 
 more talked about than a great deal more 
 dragged forward into notice, and, in short, 
 more gloried in by its possessor. We will 
 tal;o, as an instance, the subject of 'phrenolo- 
 gy. Dabblers in this study who like the^clat 
 of pronouncing upon the characters of their 
 neighbors, as discovered through that opaque 
 medium, the skull, are not a little pleased to 
 entertain themselves and others with the 
 phraseology of Gall and Spurzheim ; while, 
 with an air of oracular wisdom, they tell how 
 this person is covetous, another prone to kill, 
 a third fond of music, and a fourth in the 
 habit of making comparisons. Now, although 
 
 a correct knowledge of the exact situation 
 of these different organs in the head, is more 
 difficult to attain than most young persons 
 are aware of; yet, even this part of the stu- 
 dy is mere play, when compared with that 
 exercise of mind, which alone would justify 
 any one, even the profoundest philosopher, 
 in pronouncing upon individual character, 
 according to the principles of phrenology. 
 Would any of these fair oracles, for instance, 
 be kind enough to tell us what would be the 
 result, in summing up the elements of human 
 character, where there was an extraordinary 
 development of combativeness, connected 
 with half as much benevolence, nine-tenths 
 of the same amount of hope, one-third of 
 self-esteem, three-fourths of causality, and 
 one-third of constructiveness. And yet, cal- 
 culations as intricate, as minute, and far more 
 extensive than this, must be entered into, be- 
 fore the science of phrenology, however true, 
 can enable any individual to pronounce upon 
 the character of another. 
 
 And thu it is throughout. A little know- 
 ledge makes people talk, a little more induces 
 them to think ; and women, from the careless 
 and superficial manner in which their studies 
 are frequently carried on, are but too apt to 
 be found among the class of talkers. But let 
 us pause a moment, to inquire whether the 
 smallness of their stock of knowledge is re- 
 ally the cause why it is sometimes so unne- 
 cessarily brought forward. Is not the evil of 
 a deeper nature 1 and may it not arise from 
 false notions popularly entertained respecting 
 the real use of knowledge 1 I will not say 
 there are any women who absolutely believe 
 that the use of knowledge is to supply them 
 with something to talk about ; but are we 
 not warranted in suspecting that this is the 
 rule by which the value of knowledge is too 
 frequently estimated 1 
 
 Now, one simple view of this subject might 
 settle the question at once, as to the desira- 
 bleness, or even utility, of women bringing 
 forward their knowledge for the purpose of 
 display. It so happens, that few of our sex, 
 under ordinary circumstances, have an op- 
 portunity of acquiring as much general know-
 
 CLEVERNESS, LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 33 
 
 ledge as a man of common attainmerrts, or 
 even as a mere boy. If we mix in country 
 circles, the village schoolmaster has stores of 
 knowledge far beyond our own ; and in the 
 society of towns, the man of business, nay, 
 even the mechanic, knows more than we do. 
 The nature of their employments, the associ- 
 ations they form, and the subjects which en- 
 gage their attention, all tend to give to the 
 minds of men in general, a clearness of un- 
 derstanding on certain points, and an ac- 
 quaintance with important facts, beyond what 
 is possessed by one woman in a thousand ; 
 though, at the same time, women have a 
 vast advantage over them in this respect, 
 that the liveliness and facility of their intel- 
 lectual powers enable them to invest with 
 interest many of the inferior and less im- 
 portant topics of conversation. 
 
 General knowledge, however, is not less 
 important to them, than to men, in the effect 
 it produces upon their own minds and feel- 
 ings. A well-informed woman may generally 
 be known, not so much by what she tells 
 you, as by what jlhe does not tell you ; for 
 she is the last to take pleasure in mere gos- 
 sip, or to make vulgar allusions to the ap- 
 pearance, dress, or personal habits, of her 
 friends and neighbors. Her thoughts are not 
 in these things. The train of her reflections 
 goes not along with the eating, drinking, vis- 
 iting, or scandal, of the circle in which she 
 moves. She has a world of interest beyond 
 her local associations ; and while others are 
 wondering what is the price of her furniture, 
 or where she bought her watch, she, perhaps, 
 is mentally solving that important question, 
 whether civilization ever was extinguished in 
 a Christian country. 
 
 Nor is it merely to be able to say, when 
 asked, in what year any particular sovereign 
 reigned, that knowledge is worth acquiring. 
 Its highest use is to be able to assist on all 
 occasions in the establishment of truth, by a 
 clear statement of facts ; to say what expe- 
 rience has proved ; and to overcome preju- 
 dice by just reasoning. It enables us also to 
 take expansive views of every subject upon 
 which our minds can be employed, so as 
 
 never to argue against general principles, 
 from opposite impressions produced merely 
 upon our own minds. 
 
 As a further illustration of this narrow kind 
 of reasoning, we will suppose a case. A well- 
 meaning, but ignorant man, derives a consid- 
 erable income from a sugar plantation in the 
 West Indies, by which he supports a number 
 of poor relations. He argues thus " It sla- 
 very be abolished, it .will injure my profits ; 
 and I shall no longer be able to support my 
 relations. It is good that I should exercise 
 my benevolent feelings through this channel ; 
 consequently, the slave-trade must also be 
 good. I will, therefore, neither vote for the 
 abolition of slavery, nor give my countenance 
 to those who do." A more truly enlightened 
 man, though no more influenced by kindly 
 feeling, would know, that it must always be 
 right to uphold right principles, and that God 
 may safely be trusted with the consequences 
 to ourselves. 
 
 Nor is it from our own personal feelings 
 alone, that we become liable to this perver- 
 sion of judgment, with regard to things in 
 general. Prejudice has ever been found more 
 infectious than the plague, and scarcely less 
 fatal. We hear our friends speak warmly on 
 subjects we do not understand. They argue 
 vehemently, and our minds, from want of 
 knowledge, are open to receive as truth, the 
 greatest possible absurdities, which, in our 
 turn, we embrace and defend, until they be- 
 come more dear to us than truth itself. The 
 probable conclusion is, that in the course of 
 time, we prefer to remain in error, rather 
 than be convinced that we have all the while 
 been wrong. Thus, it is often ignorance 
 alone which lays the foundation of many of 
 those serious mistakes in opinion and con- 
 duct, for which we have to bear all the blame, 
 and suffer all the consequences, of moral cul- 
 pability. 
 
 Want of general knowledge is also a very 
 sufficient reason why some persons, when 
 they mix in good society, live in a state of 
 perpetual fear lest their deficiencies should 
 be found out Theirs is not that amiable 
 modesty which arises from a sense of the
 
 34 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 superiority of others ; for to admire our 
 friends, or even our fellow-creatures, is al- 
 ways a pleasurable sensation ; while a con- 
 viction of our own ignorance of such topics 
 as are generally interesting in good society, 
 carries with it a feeling of disgraceful humil- 
 iation, perfectly incompatible with enjoyment 
 Uneasiness, timidity, and shyness, with an 
 awkward shrinking from every office of re- 
 sponsibility, or post Of distinction, are the 
 unavoidable accompaniments of this convic- 
 tion ; and from this* cause, how many oppor- 
 tunities of extending our sphere of usefulness 
 are lost ! How many opportunities of rational 
 and lawful enjoyment, too, especially if, from 
 a consciousness of our own inferiority, we 
 refuse to associate with persons of better in- 
 formation and more enlightened minds. Our 
 sufferings are then of a twofold nature, arising 
 from a sense of mortification at our loss, and 
 from the fretfulness and irritation of temper 
 which such privations naturally occasion. 
 
 It is well, too, if envy does not steal in to 
 poison the little comfort we might otherwise 
 have left well if we do not look with evil 
 eye upon the higher attainments of our friends 
 well if, while we professedly admire, we 
 do not throw out some hint that may tend to 
 diminish their vmlue in the estimation of 
 others. 
 
 Thus, there is no end to that culpable want 
 of knowledge, which must be the consequence 
 of an idle or wasted youth. We may, and 
 we necessarily must, learn much in after 
 years by experience, observation, reading, and 
 conversation. But we are then, perhaps, in 
 middle age, only acquiring a bare knowledge 
 of those facts which ought, in by-gone years, 
 to have been forming our judgment, fixing 
 our principles, and supplying our minds with 
 intellectual food. 
 
 If there is no calculation to be made of the 
 evils arising from a want of knowledge, as 
 little can we estimate the amount of good, of 
 which knowledge lays the foundation. Per- 
 haps one of its greatest recommendations to 
 a woman, is the tendency it has to diffuse a 
 calm over the ruffled spirit, and to supply 
 subjects of interesting reflection, under cir- 
 
 cumstances the least favorable to the acqui- 
 sition of new ideas. 
 
 Such is the position in society which many 
 estimable women are called to fill, that unless 
 they have stored their minds with general 
 knowledge during the season of youth, they 
 never have the opportunity of doing so again. 
 How valuable, then, is such a store, to draw 
 upon for thought, when the hand throughout 
 the day is busily employed, and sometimes 
 when the head is also weary ! It is then that 
 knowledge not only sweetens labor, but often, 
 when the task is ended, and a few social 
 friends are met together, it conies forth un- 
 bidden, in those glimpses of illumination 
 which a well-informed, intelligent woman, is 
 able to strike out of the humblest material. 
 It is then that, without the slightest attempt 
 at display, her memory helps her to throw in 
 those apt allusions, which clothe the mogt fa- 
 miliar objects in borrowed light, and make us 
 feel, after having enjoyed her society, as if 
 we had been introduced to a new, and more 
 intellectual existence tnan we had enjoyed 
 before. 
 
 It is impossible for an ignorant, and con- 
 sequently a short-sighted, prejudiced woman, 
 to exercise this influence over us. We soon 
 perceive the bounds of the narrow circle 
 within which she reasons, with self ever in 
 the centre ; we detect the opinions of others, 
 in her own ; and we feel the vulgarity with 
 which her remarks may turn upon ourselves, 
 the moment we are gone. 
 
 How different is the enjoyment, the repose 
 we feel in the society of a well-informed wo- 
 man, who has acquired in early youth the 
 habit of looking beyond the little affairs of 
 every-day existence of looking from mat- 
 ter to mind from action to principle from 
 time to eternity ! The gossip of society, that 
 many-toned organ of discord, seldom reaches 
 her ; even slander, which so often slays the 
 innocent, she is in many cases able to disarm. 
 Under all the little crosses and perplexities 
 which necessarily belong to household care, 
 she is able to look calmly at their comparative 
 insignificance, and thus they can never dis- 
 turb her peace ; while in all the pleasures of
 
 MUSIC, PAINTING, AND POETRY. 
 
 35 
 
 intellectual and social intercourse, it is her 
 privilege to give as bountifully as she re- 
 ceives. 
 
 It must not be supposed that the writer is 
 one who would advocate, as essential to wo- 
 man, any very extraordinary degree of intel- 
 ectual attainment, especially if confined to 
 one particular branch of study. " I should 
 ike to excel in something," is a frequent, and, 
 to some extent, laudable expression ; but in 
 what does it originate, and to what does it 
 tend 1 To be able to do a great many things 
 tolerably well, is of infinitely more value to a 
 woman, than to be able to excel in one. By 
 the former, she may render herself generally 
 useful ; by the latter, she may dazzle for an 
 hour. By being apt, and tolerably well skilled 
 in every thing, she may fall into any situation 
 in life with dignity and ease by devoting her 
 time to excellence in one, she may remain 
 incapable of every other. 
 
 So far as cleverness, learning, and know- 
 ledge are conducive to woman's moral ex- 
 cellence, they are therefore desirable, and no 
 further. All that would occupy her mind to 
 the exclusion of better things, all that would 
 involve her in the mazes of flattery and ad- 
 mira'Xon, all that would tend to draw away 
 her thoughts from others and fix them on 
 herself, ought to be avoided as an evil to her, 
 however brilliant or attractive it may be in 
 itself. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 MUSIC, PAINTING, AND POETRY 
 
 As a picture which presents to the eye o) 
 the beholder those continuous masses of 
 light and shade usually recognised under the 
 characteristic of breadth, though it may be 
 striking, and sometimes even sublime in its 
 effect, yet, without the more delicate touches 
 of art, must ever be defective in the pleasure 
 it affords ; so the female character, though 
 invested with high intellectual endowments, 
 must ever fail to charm, without at least a 
 taste for music, painting, or poetry. 
 
 The first of these requires no recommen- 
 dation in the present day. Indeed, the danger 
 is, that the fair picture which woman's charac- 
 ter ought to present, should be broken up into 
 that confusion pf petty lights and shades, 
 which, in the phraseology of paintings, is said 
 to destroy its effect as a whole. May we not 
 carry on the similitude still further, and com. 
 pare the more important intellectual endow- 
 ments of human character to the broad lights 
 and massive shadows of a picture ; music, 
 to the richness and variety of its coloring ; 
 painting, to correctness and beauty of its 
 outline ; and poetry, to general harmony of 
 the whole, consisting chiefly in the aerial or 
 atmospheric tints which convey the idea of 
 morning, noon, or evening, a storm, a calm, 
 or any of the seasons of the year ; with all 
 the varied associations which belong to each. 
 I have said that music requires no recom- 
 mendation in the present day, when to play 
 like a professor ranks among the highest at- 
 tainments of female education. Since, then, 
 music is so universally regarded both by the 
 wise and good, not only as lawful, but desira- 
 ble, it remains to be considered under what 
 circumstances the practice of it may be ex- 
 pedient or otherwise. 
 
 In the first place, "Have you what is called 
 an ear for music V If you are not annoyed 
 by discord, nor made to suffer pain by a false 
 note, nor disturbed by errors in time, let no 
 persuasion ever induce you to touch the keys 
 of a piano, or the chords of a harp again. 
 
 Perhaps you may reply, " But I am so fond 
 of music." I question it not : for though 
 difficult to be accounted for, many persons, 
 who have no ear, are fond of music. Yet, 
 why not, under such circumstances, be con- 
 tent to be a listener for the rest of your lives, 
 and thankful that there are others differently 
 constituted, who are able to play for your 
 amusement, and who play with ease in a 
 style superior to what you would have at- 
 tained by any amount of labor 1 All have 
 not the same natural gifts. You, in your 
 turn, may excel in something else; but as 
 well might an automaton be made to dance, 
 as a womun destitute of taste for music, be
 
 36 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 taught to play with any hope of attaining 
 excellence, or even of giving pleasure to her 
 friends. It is possible that by an immense 
 expenditure of time and money, a wooden 
 figure might be so constructed, to dance so 
 as to take the proper steps at the right time ; 
 but the grace, the ease, indeed all that gives 
 beauty to the movements of the dancer, must 
 certainly be wanting. It is thus with music. 
 By a fruitless waste of time and application, 
 the hand may acquire the habit of touching 
 the right keys ; but all which constitutes the 
 soul of music must be wanting to that per- 
 formance, where the ear is not naturally at- 
 tuned to "the concord of sweet sounds." 
 
 It is a good thing to be a pleased and at- 
 tentive listener, even in music- And far 
 happier sometimes is the unpretending girl, 
 who sits apart silently listening to another's 
 voice, than any one of the anxious group of 
 candidates for promotion to the music-stool, 
 whose countenances occasionally display the 
 conflicting emotions of hope and fear, tri- 
 umph and disappointment. 
 
 There are, however, among men, and wo- 
 men too, certain individuals whose souls may 
 be said to be imbued with music as an in- 
 stinct It forms a part of their existence, and 
 they only live entirely in an atmosphere of 
 sound. To such it would be a cold philoso- 
 phy to teach the expediency of giving up the 
 cultivation of music altogether, because of the 
 temptations it involves ; and yet to such in- 
 dividuals, above all others music is the most 
 dangerous. To them it may be said, that, 
 like charity, though in a widely different 
 sense, it caters a rmdlilude of sins ; for such 
 is its influence over them, that while carried 
 away by its allurements, they scarcely see or 
 feel like moral agents, so as to distinguish 
 good from evil ; and thus they mistake for an 
 intellectual, nay, even sometimes for a spirit- 
 ual enjoyment, the indulgence of that passion, 
 which is but too earthly in its associations. 
 
 I will not say that music is a species of in- 
 toxication, but I do think that an inordinate 
 love of it may be compared to intemperance, 
 in" the fact of its inciting the passions of the 
 human mind so much more frequently to evil 
 
 than to good. We are warranted by the Ian- 
 guage of Scripture to believe, that music is a 
 powerfully pervading principle in the uni- 
 verse of God. The harmony of the spheres 
 is figuratively set forth under the idea of the 
 morning stars singing together, and the Apoc- 
 alyptic vision abounds with allusions to ce- 
 lestial choirs. Indeed, so perfectly in unison 
 is music with our ideas of intense and ele- 
 vated enjoyment, that we can scarcely ima- 
 gine heaven without the hymning of the 
 praises of the Most High by the voices of an- 
 gels and happy spirits. But let it be remem- 
 bered, that all this is in connection with a pu- 
 rified state of being. It is where the serpent 
 sin has never entered, or after he has been 
 destroyed. So long as the evil heart is unsub- 
 dued so long as there are desperate passions 
 to awaken so long as the hand of man is 
 raised against his brother so long as the cup 
 of riotous indulgence continues to be filled 
 so long as .temptation lurks beneath the rose- 
 leaves of enjoyment, music will remain to be 
 a dangerous instrument in the hands of those 
 who are by nature and by constitution its 
 willing and devoted slaves. 
 
 Even to such, however, I would fain be- 
 lieve, that when kept under proper restric- 
 tions, and regulated by right principles, music 
 may have its use. There can be no need to 
 advise such persons .to cultivate, when young, 
 their talent for music. The danger is, that 
 they will cultivate no other. 
 
 Between these individuals, and the per- 
 sons first described, there is a numerous class 
 of human beings, of whom it may be said, 
 that they possess by nature a little taste for 
 music ; and to these the cultivation of it may 
 be dssirable, or otherwise, according to their 
 situation in life, and the views they enter- 
 tain of the use of accomplishments in general. 
 If the use of accomplishments be to make a 
 show of them in society, then a little skill in 
 music is certainly not worth its cost But if 
 the object of a daughter is to soothe the 
 weary spirit of a father when he returns home 
 from the office or the counting-house, where 
 he has been toiling for her maintenance ; to 
 beguile a mother of her cares ; or to charm
 
 MUSIC, PAINTING, AND POETRY. 
 
 37 
 
 a suffering sister into forgetfulness of her 
 pain ; then a very little skill in music may 
 often be made to answer as noble a purpose 
 as a great deal ; and never does a daughter 
 appear to more advantage, than when she 
 cheerfully lays aside a fashionable air, and 
 strums over, for more than the hundredth 
 time, some old ditty which her father loves. 
 To her ear it is possible it may be altogether 
 divested of the slightest charm. But of what 
 importance is that ] The old man listens un- 
 til tears are glistening in his eyes, for he sees 
 again the home of his childhood he hears 
 his father's voice he feels his mother's wel- 
 come all things familiar to his heart in early 
 youth come back to him with that long re- 
 membered strain ; and, happiest thought of 
 all ! they are revived by the playful fingers 
 of his own beloved child. The brother too 
 the prodigal the alien from the paths of 
 peace ; in other lands, that fireside music 
 haunts his memory. The voice of the stran- 
 ger has no melody for him. His heart is 
 chilled. He says, " I will arise and go to my 
 father's home," where a welcome, a heart- 
 warm welcome, still awaits him. Yet so wide 
 has been the separation, that a feeling of 
 estrangement still remains, and neither words, 
 nor looks, nor affectionate embraces can 
 make the past come back unshadowed, or 
 dispel the cloud which settles upon every 
 heart. The sister feels this. She knows the 
 power of music, and when the day is closing 
 in, that first strange day of partial reconcilia- 
 tion, she plays a low soft air. Her brother 
 knows it well. It is the evening hymn they 
 used to sing together in childhood, when they 
 had been all day gathering flowers. His 
 manly voice is raised. Once more it mingles 
 with the strain. Once more the parents and 
 the children, the sister and the brother, are 
 united as in days gone by. 
 
 It requires no extraordinary skill in exe- 
 cution to render music subservient to the 
 purposes of social and domestic enjoyment ; 
 but it does require a willing spirit, and a feel- 
 ing mind, to make it tell upon the sympathies 
 and affections of our nature. 
 
 There is a painful spectacle occasionally 
 
 exhibited in private life, when a daughter re- 
 fuses to play for the gratification of her own 
 family, or casts aside with contempt the mu- 
 sic they prefer; yet when a stranger joins 
 the circle, and especially when many guests 
 are met, she will sit down 'to the piano with 
 the most obliging air imaginable, and play 
 with perfect good-will whatever air the com- 
 pany may choose. What must the parents 
 of such a daughter feel, if they recollect the 
 fact, that it was at their expense their child 
 acquired this pleasing art, by which she ap- 
 pears anxious to charm any one but them 1 
 And how does the law of love operate with 
 her ! Yet, music is the very art, which by 
 its mastery over the feelings and affections, 
 calls forth more tenderness than any other. 
 Surely, then, the principle of love ought to 
 regulate the exercise of this gift, in propor- 
 tion to its influence upon the human heart 
 Surely, it ought not to be cultivated as the 
 medium of display, so much as the means of 
 home enjoyment ; not so much as a spell to 
 charm the stranger, or one who has no other 
 link of sympathy with us, as a solace to 
 those we love, and a tribute of gratitude and 
 affection to those who love us. 
 
 With regard to the application and use of 
 the art of painting, or perhaps we ought to 
 say drawing, there is a very serious mistake 
 generally prevailing among young persons, 
 as well as among some who are more ad- 
 vanced in life. Drawing, as well as music, 
 is not only considered as something to enter- 
 tain company with, but its desirableness as 
 an art is judged of precisely by the estimate 
 which is formed of those pieces of polished 
 pasteboard brought home from school, and 
 exhibited as specimens of genius in the de- 
 lineation of gothic arches, ruined cottages, 
 and flowers as flat and dry as the paper on 
 which they are painted. The use of draw- 
 ing, in short, is almost universally judged of 
 among young ladies, by what it enables them 
 to produce ; and no wonder, when such are 
 the productions, that its value should be held 
 rather cheap. 
 
 It has often been said with great truth, 
 that the first step towards excellence in the
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 art of drawing, is to learn to see ; and cer- 
 tainly, nothing can be more correct than that 
 the quickening of the powers of observation, 
 the habit of regarding, not only the clear out- 
 line, but the relative position of objects, with 
 the extension of the sphere of thought which 
 is thus obtained, is of infinitely more value in 
 forwarding the great work of intellectual ad- 
 vancement, than all the actual productions 
 of female artists since the world began. 
 
 There are many very important reasons 
 why drawing should be especially recom- 
 mended to the attention of young persons, 
 and I am the more anxious to point thpm 
 out, because, among the higher circles of so- 
 ciety, it appears to be sinking into disrepute, 
 in comparison with music. Among such 
 persons, it is beginning to be considered as a 
 sort of handicraft, or as something which 
 artists can do better than ladies. In this 
 they are perfectly right; but how then are 
 they to reap the advantage to themselves, 
 which I am about to describe as resulting 
 from an attentive cultivation of the graphic 
 art] 
 
 Among these advantages, I will begin with 
 the least It is quiet. It disturbs no one ; for 
 however defective the performance may be, 
 it does not necessarily, like music, jar upon 
 the sense. It is true, it may when seen of- 
 fend the practised eye ; but we can always 
 draw in private, and keep our productions 
 to ourselves. In addition to this, it is an em- 
 ployment which beguiles the mind of many 
 cares, because it never can be merely me- 
 chanical. The thoughts must go along with 
 it, for the moment the attention wanders, the 
 hand ceases from its operations, owing to the 
 necessity there is that each stroke should be 
 differer.t from any which has previously been 
 made. Under the pressure of anxiety, in 
 seasons of Detracted suspense, or when no 
 effort can be made to meet an expected 
 calamity, especia'ty when that calamity is 
 exclusively our owr,. drawing is of all other 
 occupations the one nnst calculated to keep 
 the mind from brooding upon self, and to 
 maintain that general cheerfulness which is 
 a part of social and domestic duty. 
 
 Drawing, unlike most other arts, may be 
 taken up at any time of life, though certainly 
 with less prospect of success than when it 
 has been pursued in youth. It can also be 
 laid down and resumed, as circumstance or 
 inclination may direct, and that without any 
 serious loss ; for while the hand is employed 
 in other occupations, the eye may be learn- 
 ing useful lessons to be worked out on some 
 future day. 
 
 But the great, the wonder-working power 
 of the graphic art, is that by which it enables 
 us to behold, as by a new sense of vision, 
 the beauty and the harmony of the creation. 
 Many have this faculty of perception in their 
 nature, who never have been taught, perhaps 
 not allowed, to touch a pencil, and who re- 
 main to the end of their lives unacquainted 
 with the rules of painting as an art To 
 them this faculty affords but glimpses of the 
 ideal, in connection with the real; but to 
 such as have begun to practise the art, by 
 first learning to see, each succeeding day un- 
 folds some new scene in that vast picture, 
 which the ever- varying aspect of nature pre- 
 sents. As the faculty of hearing, in the sav- 
 age Indian is sharpened to an almost incied- 
 ible degree of acuteness, simply from the fre- 
 quent need he has for the use of that partic- 
 ular sense ; so the eye of the painter, from 
 the habit of regarding every object with refer- 
 ence to its position and effect, beholds ten 
 thousand points of interest, which the un- 
 practised in this art never perceive. There 
 is not a shadow on the landscape, not a 
 gleam of sunshine in the fields, not a leaf in 
 the forest, nor a flower on the lea, not a sail 
 upon the ocean, nor a cloud in the sky, but 
 they all form parts of that unfading picture, 
 upon which his mind perpetually expatiates 
 without satiety or weariness. 
 
 It is a frequent complaint with travellers, 
 that they find the scenery around them in- 
 sipid ; but this can never occur to the artist, 
 through whatever country he may roam. A 
 turn in the road, with a bunch of furze on 
 one side, and a stunted oak on the other, is 
 sufficient to arrest his attention, and occupy 
 a page in his sketch-book. A willowy brook
 
 MUSIC, PAINTING, AND POETRY. 
 
 39 
 
 in the deep meadows, with cattle grazing on 
 its banks, is the subject of another. The tat- 
 tered mendicant is a picture, of himself; or 
 the sturdy wagoner with his team, or the sol- 
 itary orphan sitting in the porch of the vil- 
 lage-church. Every group around the door 
 of the inn, every party around the ancient 
 elm in the centre of the hamlet, every beast 
 of burden feeding by the way-side, has to 
 him a beauty and a charm, which his art en- 
 ables him to revive and perpetuate. 
 
 It is the same when he mingles in society. 
 Hundreds and thousands of human beings 
 may pass by the common observer without 
 exciting a single thought or feeling, beyond 
 their relative position with regard to himself. 
 But the painter sees in almost every face a 
 picture. He beholds a grace in almost every 
 attitude, a scene of interest in every group ; 
 and, while his eye is caught by the classic 
 beauty of an otherwise insignificant counte- 
 nance, he arrests it in the position where 
 light and shadow are most harmoniously 
 blended ; and, behold ! it lives again beneath 
 his touch another, yet the same. 
 
 In every object, however familiar in itself, 
 or unattractive in other points of view, the 
 painter perceives at once what is striking, 
 characteristic, harmonious, or graceful ; and 
 thus, while associating in the ordinary affairs 
 of life, he feels himself the inhabitant of a 
 world of beauty, from which others are shut 
 out 
 
 Would that we could dwell with more 
 satisfaction upon this ideal existence, as it 
 affects the morals of the artist's real life ! 
 Whatever there may be defective here, how- 
 ever, as regards the true foundation of hap- 
 piness, is surely not attributable to the art it- 
 self; but to the necessity under which too 
 many labor, of courting public favor, and 
 sometimes of sacrificing the dignity of their 
 profession to its pecuniary success. 
 
 Nor is it an object of desirable attainment 
 to women in general, that they should study 
 the art of painting to this extent. Amply 
 sufficient for all their purposes, is the habit 
 of drawing from natural objects with correct- 
 ness and facility. Copying from other draw- 
 
 ings, though absolutely necessary to the learn- 
 er, is but the first step towards those innu- 
 merable advantages which arise from an easy 
 and habitual use of the pencil. Yet here 
 how many stop, and think their education in 
 the graphic art complete ! They think also, 
 what is most unjust of drawing, that it is on- 
 ly the amusement of an idle hour, incapable 
 of producing any happier result than an ex- 
 act foe-simile of the master's lesson. No 
 wonder, that with such ideas, they should 
 evince so little inclination to continue this 
 pursuit on lemving school. For though it is a 
 common thing to hear young ladies exclaim, 
 how much they should like to sketch from 
 nature, and how much they should like to 
 take likenesses, it is very rarely that we find 
 one really willing to take a hundredth part 
 of the pains which are necessary to the at- 
 tainment even of mediocrity in either of 
 these departments. That it is in reality 
 easier, and far more pleasant, to sketch 
 from nature, than from another drawing, is 
 allowed by all who have made the experi- 
 ment on right . principles ; which, however, 
 few young persons are able to do, because 
 they are so seldom instructed in what, if I 
 might be allowed the expression, I should 
 call the philosophy of picture-making, or^in 
 other words, the relation of cause and effect 
 in the grouping and general management 
 of objects, so as to unite a number of parts 
 into a perfect and pleasing whole. 
 
 Perspective is the first step in this branch 
 of philosophy, but the nature and effect of 
 light and shade, with the proportions and re- 
 lations of different objects, and harmony, that 
 grand feature of beauty, must all have be- 
 come subjects of interest and observation, be- 
 fore we can hope to sketch successfully ; and 
 especially, before we can derive that high 
 degree of intellectual enjoyment from the art 
 of painting, which it is calculated to afford. 
 Yet all these, by close and frequent attention, 
 may be learned from nature itself, though an 
 early acquaintance with the rules of art will 
 greatly assist the understanding in this school 
 of philosophy. 
 
 Among the numerous mistakes made by
 
 40 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 young people on the subject of drawing, none 
 is a greater hindrance to their efforts, than 
 an idea which generally prevails, that not 
 only drawing itself, but each different branch 
 of the art, requires a natural genius for that 
 particular study. Thus, while one excuses 
 herself from drawing because she has no 
 genius for it ; another tells you, that although 
 she can draw landscapes with great facility, 
 she has no genius for heads. Now, if genius 
 be, as Madame de Stael informs us, M en- 
 thusiasm operating upon talent," I freely 
 grant that it is essential to success in this, as 
 well as every other art You must not only 
 learn it, but you must absolutely loi? it, was 
 the frequent expression of a very clever mas- 
 ter to his pupil. And it is this very love, 
 which of itself will carry on the young student 
 to any point of excellence, which it is desir- 
 able for a woman to attain. 
 
 It is true, there are greater difficulties to 
 some than to others ; just as the eye is more 
 or less acute in its perceptions, or the com- 
 munication between that and the hand more 
 or less easy. Yet, with the same amount' of 
 genius and a little more patience, with a little 
 more humility too, for that has more to do 
 with success in painting than the inexperi- 
 en%ed are aware of, these difficulties may 
 easily be overcome. 
 
 I have said that humility is necessary to 
 our success, and it operates precisely in this 
 manner. It always happens that the eye 
 has been in training for observation, long be- 
 fore the hand begins to trace so much as a 
 bare outline of what the eye perceives. Thus, 
 our first attempts at imitation fall so far short, 
 not only of the real, but also of the ideal 
 which the mind retains, that if praise or ad- 
 miration have had any thing to do with inci- 
 ting us to draw, the mortification which en- 
 sues will probably be more than a young art- 
 ist can endure. She must, therefore, be 
 humble enough to be willing to proceed with- 
 out praise, sometimes without commendation, 
 and occasionally with a more than comfort- 
 able share of ridicule, as the reward of her 
 first endeavors; all which might possibly be 
 borne with equanimity, if she did not herself 
 
 perceive a fearful want of resemblance to the 
 thing designed. ( 
 
 The practice of drawing the human face 
 and figure, is a sufficient illustration of this 
 fact. For one who succeeds in this branch 
 of drawing, there are twenty who succeed in 
 landscapes; because, those who fail assure 
 you, it is so much more difficult to draw faces 
 and figures. This statement, however, is al- 
 together unsupported by reason, since it re- 
 quires just the same use of the eye and the 
 hand, and just the same exercise of the mind, 
 to draw one object as another ; and provided 
 only the object drawn is stationary, it is quite 
 as easy to trace with accuracy the outline of 
 a head, as of a tree, or a mountain. 
 
 There is, however, a wide difference in the 
 result. By a slight deviation from the true 
 outline of a mountain, no great injury to the 
 general effect of a landscape is produced ; 
 while the same degree of deviation from the 
 outline of a face, will sometimes entirely de- 
 stroy, not only the likeness, but the beauty of 
 the whole. Even a branch of a tree, and 
 sometimes a whole tree, may be omitted in 
 a landscape ; but if a nose, or an eye, were 
 found wanting in the drawing of a face, it 
 would be difficult to treat the performance 
 with any thing like gravity. 
 
 Thus, then, the vanity of the young stu- 
 dents is more severely put to the test in delin- 
 eations of the human form, than it can be in 
 landscape drawing ; and thus they are apt 
 to say, they have no genius for heads or fig- 
 ures, because their love of excellence, though 
 sufficient for the purposes of landscape draw- 
 ing, is not strong enough to support them 
 under the mortification of having produced a 
 badly drawn face or figure. 
 
 It is not the least among the advantages 
 of drawing, that it induces a habit of perpet- 
 ually aiming at ideal excellence ; in other 
 t words, that it draws the mind away from 
 considering the grosser qualities of matter, 
 to the cpntemplation of beauty as an abstract 
 idea ; that it gives a definiteness to our no- 
 tions of objects in general, and enables us to 
 describe, with greater accuracy, the character 
 and appearance of every thing we see.
 
 MUSIC, PAINTING, AND POETRY. 
 
 41 
 
 Nor ought. we by any means to overlook 
 the value of that which th,e pencil actually 
 produces. Sketches of scenery, however 
 defective as works of art, are among the pre- 
 cious memorials of which time, the great de- 
 stroyer, is unable to deprive us. In them the 
 traveller lives again, through all the joys and 
 sorrows of his distant wanderings. He 
 breathes again the atmosphere of that far 
 world which his eye will never more behold. 
 He treads again the mountain-path where 
 his step was never weary. He sees the sun- 
 shine on the snowy peaks which rise no more 
 to him. He hears again the shout of joyous 
 exultation, when it bursts from hearts as young 
 and buoyant as his own ; and he remembers, 
 at the same time, how it was with him in 
 those by-gone days, when, for the moment, 
 he was lifted up above the grovelling cares 
 of every- day existence. 
 
 But, above all, the art which preserves to 
 us the features of the loved and lost, ought 
 to be cultivated as a means of natural and 
 enduring gratification. It is curious to look 
 back to the portrait of infancy, or even youth, 
 when the same countenance is stamped with 
 the deep traces of experience, when the ven- 
 erable brow is ploughed with furrows, and 
 the temples are shaded with scattered, locks 
 of silvery hair. It is interesting deeply in- 
 teresting, to behold the likeness of some dis- 
 tinguished character, with whose mind we 
 have long been acquainted, through the me- 
 dium of his works ; but the beloved counte- 
 nance, whose every line of beauty was min- 
 gled with our young affections, when this can 
 be made to live before us, after death has 
 done his fearful work, and the grave has 
 claimed its own we may well say, in the 
 language of the poet, of that magic skill which 
 has such power over the past, as to call up 
 buried images, and clothe them again in beau- 
 ty and in youth, 
 
 " Bless'd be the art that can immortalize, 
 The art that baffles Time's tyrannic claim 
 To quench it." 
 
 Beyond these, however, there are uses in 
 the art of drawing so well worthy the consid- 
 
 eration of every young woman of enlighten- 
 ed mind, that we cannot too earnestly recom- 
 mend this occupation to their attention, even 
 although it should be at some sacrifice of that 
 labyrinthine toil of endless worsted-work, 
 with which, in the case of modern young 
 ladies, both head and hand appear to be so 
 perseveringly employed. I freely grant the 
 charm there is in weaving together the many 
 tints of German wool, but what does this 
 amusement do for the mind, except to keep 
 it quiet, and not always that ] Now, the sub- 
 stitute I would propose for this occupation, 
 is equally pleasing in the variety of colors 
 employed, and yet calculated to be highly 
 beneficial in its influence upon the mind, by 
 increasing its store of knowledge, and sup- 
 plying a perpetual source of rational interest, 
 even at times when the occupation itself can- 
 not well be carried on. 
 
 My proposition, then, is this : that, in pur- 
 suing the study of botany, instead of the un- 
 attractive horlus siccus, which pleases no one 
 but the scientific beholder, correct and natu- 
 ral drawings should be made of every speci- 
 men, just as it appears when growing, or 
 when freshly gathered. Instead of the 
 colorless, distorted, hot-pressed specimens, 
 which the botanist now displays, to the utter 
 contempt of all uninitiated in his lore, we 
 should then have beautiful and imperishable 
 pictures of graceful, delicate, or curious 
 plants, looking just as they did .when the 
 mountain-wind blew over them, or when 
 the woodland stream crept in among their 
 thousand stems, and kissed the drooping 
 blossoms that hung upon its banks. We 
 might then have them placed before us in all 
 their natural loveliness, either the flower, the 
 branch, or the entire plant ; and sometimes, 
 to render the picture more complete, the 
 characteristic scenery by which it is usually 
 surrounded. 
 
 But if in botany the practice of this art is 
 so desirable, how much more so does it be- 
 come in entomology, where the study can 
 scarcely be carried on without a sacrifice of 
 life most revolting to the female mind. 
 What beautiful specimens might we not
 
 42 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 have of the curious caterpillar, with a branch 
 of the tree on which it feeds ; then the larva 
 and its silken bed ; and lastly, the splendid 
 butterfly, whose expanded wings no cruel 
 touch could ruffle ; all forming pictures of 
 the most interesting and delightful character, 
 and powerfully contrasted in the associations 
 they would excite, with those regular rows 
 of moths and beetles pricked on paper, which 
 our juvenile collectors now exhibit 
 
 It may be said, that even such specimens 
 of insects could scarcely be obtained without 
 some sacrifice of life or liberty ; but we all 
 know that when the eye and the hand are 
 habituated to catch the likeness of any object, 
 it is done with increasing facility each time 
 the experiment is made, until a comparative- 
 ly slight observation of the general appear- 
 ance, position, and characteristic features of 
 the living model, is sufficient for the artist in 
 the completion of his likeness. 
 
 The same facility of delineation would as- 
 sist our researches through the whole range 
 of natural history. By such means we should 
 not only be supplied with endless amuse- 
 ment, but might at the same time be adding 
 to our store of useful knowledge. We 
 should not only be making ourselves better 
 acquainted with the poetry of nature, but 
 with its reality too. For what is there, either 
 practical or real, in the specimens of plants 
 and insects as we generall/find them ? Real 
 they unquestionably are, in one sense, as the 
 mummy is a real man ; but who would point 
 to that pitiful vestige of mortality as exhibit- 
 ing the real characteristics of a human being 1 
 
 It seems to me a perfectly natural subject 
 of repulsion, when the poet exclaims 
 
 " Nor would I like to spread 
 My thin and withered face, 
 The hortus siccus, pale and dead, 
 A mummy of my race." 
 
 And few there are who would not prefer to 
 such miserable memorials, as actually more 
 real, a well-painted likeness of a departed 
 friend, with the expression of countenance, 
 the dress, the position, and the circumstances 
 with which the memory of that friend was 
 associated. 
 
 Drawing is, unfortunately, one of those 
 accomplishments which are too frequently 
 given up at the time of life when they might 
 be most useful to others, when they might 
 really be turned to good account, in that 
 early expansion and development of mind, 
 which belong exclusively to woman in her 
 maternal capacity ; but as this view of the 
 subject belongs more properly to a later stage 
 of the present work, we will pass on to ask, 
 In what degree of estimation poetry is, and 
 ought to be held, by the daughters of Eng- 
 land in the present day ? 
 
 There have been eras in our history, when 
 poetry assumed a more than reasonable 
 sway over the female mind ; when an ac- 
 quaintance with the Muses was considered 
 essential to a polished education, and when 
 the very affectation of poetic feeling proved 
 how high a value was attached to the reality. 
 It would be useless now to speak of the ab- 
 surdities into which the young and sensitive 
 were often betrayed by this extreme of pub- 
 lic taste. Such times are gone by, and the 
 opposite extreme is now the tendency of 
 popular feeling. It is not to be wondered at 
 that this should be the case with men ; be- 
 cause, as a nation, our fathers, husbands, 
 sons, and brothers are becoming more and 
 more involved in the necessity of providing 
 for mere animal existence. No wonder, 
 ^hen, that in our teeming cities poetry should 
 be compelled to hide her diminished head ; 
 or that even, pursuing the man of business 
 home to his suburban villa, she should leave 
 him to his stuffed armchair, in the arms of 
 that heavy, after-dinner sleep, which so 
 frequently succeeds to his short and busy 
 day of unremitting struggle and excitement 
 Nor is this all. If poetry should seek the 
 quiet fields, as in the days of their pastoral 
 beauty, even from these, her green and flow- 
 ery haunts, she is scared away by the steam- 
 ing torrent, the reeking chimney, and the fiery 
 locomotive ; while on the wide ocean, where 
 her ancient realm was undisputed, her silvery 
 trace upon the bosom of the deep waters is 
 now ploughed up by vulgar paddles ; and 
 all the voiceless mystery of " viewless winds,"
 
 MUSIC, PAINTING, AND POETRY. 
 
 43 
 
 which in the old time held the minds of ex- 
 pectant thousands under their command, is 
 now become a thing of no account a by- 
 word, or a jest 
 
 I speak not with childish or ignorant re- 
 pining of these things. We are told by po- 
 litical economists that it is good they should 
 be so, and I presume not to dispute the fact. 
 Yet, surely, if it be the business of man to 
 give up the strength of his body, the energy 
 of his mind, and the repose of his soul, for 
 his country's prosperity or his own ; it is 
 for woman, who labors under no such press- 
 ing necessity, to make a stand against the 
 encroachments of this popular tendency, I 
 had almost said, this national disease. 
 
 What is poetry ? is a question which has 
 been asked a thousand times, and perhaps 
 never clearly answered. I presume not to 
 suppose my own definition more happy than 
 others ; but in a work* already before the 
 public, I have been at some pains to place 
 this subject in a point of view at once clear 
 and attractive. My idea of poetry as ex- 
 plained in this work, and it remains to be the 
 same, is, that it is best understood by that 
 chain of association which connects the intel- 
 lects with the affections ; so that whatever is 
 so far removed from vulgarity, as to excite 
 ideas of sublimity, beauty, or tenderness, 
 may be said to be poetical ; though the force 
 of such ideas must depend upon the man- 
 ner in which they are presented to the 
 mind, as well as to the nature of the mind 
 itself. 
 
 When the character of an individual is 
 deeply imbued with poetic feeling, there is 
 a corresponding disposition to look beyond 
 the dull realities of common life, to the ideal 
 relation of things, as they connect them- 
 selves with our passions and feelings, or with 
 the previous impressions we have received 
 of loveliness or grandeur, repose or excite- 
 ment, harmony or beauty, in the universe 
 around us. This disposition, it must be 
 granted, has been in some instances a for- 
 midable obstacle to the even tenor of the 
 
 * The Poetry of Life. 
 
 wise man's walk on earth ; but let us not, 
 while solicitous to avoid the abuse of poetic 
 feeling, rush into the opposite excess of neg- 
 lecting the high -and heaven-born principle 
 altogether. 
 
 It is the taste of the present times to invest 
 the material with an immeasurable extent of 
 importance beyond the ideal. It is the ten- 
 dency of modern education to instil into the 
 youthful mind the necessity of knowing, ra- 
 ther than the advantage of feeling. And, to 
 a certain extent, " knowledge is power ;" but 
 neither is knowledge all that we live for, nor 
 power all that we enjoy. There are deep 
 mysteries in the book of nature which all can 
 feel, but none will ever understand, until the 
 veil of mortality shall be withdrawn. There 
 are stirrings in the heart of man which con- 
 stitute the very essence of his being, and 
 which power can neither satisfy nor subdue. 
 Yet this mystery reveals more truly than the 
 clearest proofs, or mightiest deductions of 
 science, that a master-hand has been for 
 ages, and is still at work, above, beneath, 
 and around us ; and this moving principle is 
 forever reminding us, that, in our nature, 
 we inherit the germs of a future existence, 
 over which time has no influence, and the 
 grave no victory.* 
 
 If, then, for man it be absolutely necessary 
 that he should sacrifice the poetry of his na- 
 ture for the realities of material and animal 
 existence, for woman there is no excuse 
 for woman, whose whole life, from the cradle 
 to the grave, is one of feeling, rather than of 
 action ; whose highest duty is so often to 
 suffer, and be still ; whose deepest enjoy- 
 ments are all relative ; who has nothing, and 
 is nothing, of herself; whose experience, if 
 unparticipated, is a total blank ; yet, whose 
 world of interest is wide as the realm of hu- 
 manity, boundless as the ocean of life, and 
 enduring as eternity ! For woman, who, in 
 her inexhaustible sympathies, can live only 
 in the existence of another, and whose very 
 smiles and tears are not exclusively her own 
 for woman to cast away the love of poetry, 
 
 * The Poetry of Life.
 
 44 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 is to pervert from their natural course the 
 sweetest and loveliest tendencies of a truly 
 feminine mind, to destroy the brightest charm 
 which can adorn her intellectual character, to 
 blight the fairest rose in her wreath of youth- 
 ful beauty. 
 
 A woman without poetry is like a land- 
 scape without sunshine. We see every ob- 
 ject as distinctly as when the sunshine is 
 upon it; but the beauty of the whole is 
 wanting the atmospheric tints, the harmony 
 of earth and sky, we look for in vain ; and 
 we feel that though the actual substance of 
 hill and dale, of wood and water, are the 
 same, the spirituality of the scene is gone. 
 
 A woman without poetry ! The idea is a 
 paradox ; for what single subject has ever 
 been found so fraught with poetical associa- 
 tions as woman herself! " Woman, with 
 her beauty, and grace, and gentleness, and 
 fulness of feeling, and depth of affection, and 
 her blushes of purity, and the tones and 
 looks which only a mother's heart can inspire." 
 
 The little encouragement which poetry 
 meets with in the present day, arises, I ima- 
 gine, out of its supposed opposition to utility ; 
 and certainly, if to eat and to drink, to dress 
 as well or better than our neighbors, and to 
 amass a fortune in the shortest possible space 
 of time, be the highest aim of our existence, 
 then the less we have to do with poetry the 
 better. But may we not be mistaken in the 
 ideas we habitually attach to the word util- 
 ity ? There is a utility of material, and an- 
 other of immaterial things. There is a utility 
 in calculating our bodily wants, and our re- 
 sources, and in regulating our personal ef- 
 forts in proportion to both ; but there is a 
 higher utility in sometimes setting the mind 
 free, like a bird that has been caged, to 
 spread its wings, and soar into the ethereal 
 world. There is a higher utility in some- 
 times pausing to feel the power which is in 
 the immortal spirit to search out the principle 
 of beauty, whether it bursts upon us with the 
 dawn of rosy morning, or walks at gorgeous 
 noon across the hills and valleys, or lies, at 
 evening's dewy close, enshrined within a 
 folded flower. 
 
 It is good, and therefore it must be useful, 
 to see and to feel that the all-wise Creator 
 has set the stamp of degradation only upon 
 those things which perish in the using; but 
 that all those which enlarge and elevate the 
 soul, all which afford us the highest and 
 purest enjoyment, from the loftiest range of 
 sublimity, to the softest emotions of tender- 
 ness and love, are, and must be, immortal. 
 Yes, the mountains may be overthrown, and 
 the heavens themselves may melt away, 
 but all the ideas with which they inspired 
 us their vastness and their grandeur, will 
 remain. Every flower might fade from the 
 garden of earth, but would beauty, as an es- 
 sence, therefore cease to exist! Even love 
 might fail us here. Alas ! how often does it fail 
 us at our utmost need ! But the principle of 
 love is the same ; and there is no human 
 heart so callous as not to respond to the lan- 
 guage of the poet, when he says 
 " They sin who tell us love can die 
 
 Its holy flame for ever burneth, 
 
 From heaven it came, to heaven returneth ; 
 
 Too oft on earth a troubled guest, 
 
 At times deceived, at times opprest, 
 
 It here is tried and purified, . 
 
 And hath in heaven its perfect rest; 
 
 It sowelh here with toil and care, 
 
 But the harvest-time of love is there." 
 
 All these ideas are excited, and all these 
 impressions are made upon the mind through 
 the medium of poetry. By poetry, I do not 
 mean that vain babbling in rhyme, which 
 finds no echo, either in the understanding or 
 the heart. By poetry, I mean that ethereal 
 fire, which touched not the lips only, but the 
 soul of Milton, when he sung of 
 
 " Man's first disobedience," 
 and which has inspired all who ever walked 
 the same enchanted ground, from the father 
 of poetry himself, down to 
 
 ' The simple bard, rough at the rustic plough." 
 
 Thousands have felt this principle of poetry 
 within them, who yet have never learned to 
 lisp in numbers ; and perhaps they are the 
 wisest of thoir class, for they have thus the 
 full enjoyment which poetic feeling affords,
 
 MUSIC, PAINTING, AND POETRY. 
 
 45 
 
 without the disappointment which so fre- 
 quently attends upon the efforts of those 
 who renture to commit themselves in verse. 
 
 Men of business, whose hearts and minds 
 are buried in their bales of goods, and who 
 know no relaxation from the office or the 
 counter, except what the daily newspaper 
 affords, are apt to conclude that poetry does 
 nothing for them ; because it never keeps 
 their accounts, prepares their dinner, nor 
 takes charge of their domestic affairs. Now, 
 though I should be the last person to recom- 
 mend poetry as a substitute for household 
 economy, or to put even the brightest ema- 
 nations of genius in the place of domestic 
 duty, I do not see why the two should not 
 exist together ; nor am I quite convinced 
 that, although a vast proportion of mankind 
 have lost their relish for poetry, it would not 
 in reality be better for them to be convinced 
 by their companions of the gentler sex, that 
 poetry, so far from being incompatible with 
 social or domestic comfort, is capable of being 
 associated with every rational and lawful en- 
 joyment. 
 
 Yes, it is better for every one to have their 
 minds elevated, rathed than degraded raised 
 up to a participation in thoughts and feelings 
 in which angels might take a part, rather than 
 chained down to the grovelling cares of mere 
 corporeal existence ; and never do we feel 
 more happy than when, in the performance 
 of any necessary avocation, we look beyond 
 the gross material on which we are employed 
 to those relations of thought and feeling, that 
 connect the act of duty which occupies our 
 hands with some being we love, that teach 
 us to realize, while thus engaged, the smile 
 of gratitude which is to constitute our reward, 
 or the real benefit that act will be the means 
 of conferring, even when no gratitude is there. 
 
 What man of cultivated mind, who has 
 ever tried the experiment, would choose to 
 live with a woman, whose whole soul was 
 absorbed in the strife, the tumult, the perpet- 
 ual discord which constant occupation in the 
 midst of material things so inevitably pro- 
 duces ; rather than with one whose attention, 
 equally alive to practical duties, had a world 
 
 of deeper feeling in her " heart of hearts," 
 with which no selfish, worldly, or vulgar 
 thoughts could mingle ? 
 
 It is not because we love poetry, that we 
 must be always reading, quoting, or compos- 
 ing it. Far otherwise. For that bad taste, 
 which would thus abuse and misapply so sa- 
 cred a gift, is the very opposite of poetical. 
 The love of poetry, or in other words, the 
 experience of deep poetic feeling, is rather a 
 principle, which, while it inspires the love of 
 beauty in general, forgets not the beauty of 
 fitness and order ; and therefore can never 
 sanction that which is grotesque or out of 
 place. ' It teaches us, that nothing which of- 
 fends the feelings of others can be estimable 
 or praiseworthy in ourselves ; for it is only 
 in reference to her association with others, 
 that woman can be in herself poetical. She 
 may even fill a book with poetry, and not be 
 poetical in her own character ; because she 
 may at the same time be selfish, vain, and 
 worldly-minded. 
 
 To have the mind so imbued with poetic 
 feeling that it shall operate as a charm upon 
 herself and others, woman must be lifted out 
 of self, she must see in every thing material a 
 relation^an essence, and an end, beyond its 
 practical utility. She must- regard the little 
 envyings, bickerings, and disputes about com- 
 mon things, only as weeds in the pleasant 
 garden of life, bearing no comparison in im- 
 portance with the loveliness of its flowers. 
 She must forget even her own personal at- 
 tractions, in her deep sense of the beauty of 
 the whole created universe, and she musl 
 lose the very voice of flattery to herself, in 
 her own intense admiration of what is excel- 
 lent in others. 
 
 This it is to be poetical ; and I ask again, 
 whether it is not good, in these practical and 
 busy times, that the Daughters of England 
 should make a fresh effort to retain that 
 high-toned spirituality of character, which 
 has ever been the proudest distinction of 
 their sex, in order that they may possess 
 that influence over the minds of men, which 
 the intellectual and the refined alone are ca- 
 pable of maintaining 1
 
 46 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 Let them look for a moment at the condi- 
 tion of woman wherever this high tone of 
 character has been wanting, where she has 
 been identified merely with material things, 
 and, as a necessary consequence, regarded 
 as a soulless and degraded being, essential to 
 society only in her ministration to the general 
 good of man. But we close the scene ere it 
 is fully unfolded. The Daughters of Eng- 
 land must feel within themselves that a high- 
 er and a nobler destiny is theirs. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 TASTE, TACT, AND OBSERVATION. 
 
 IN the cursory survey we have now taken 
 of what may properly be called the intellect- 
 lectual groundwork of the female character, 
 our attention has been directed not only to 
 those scholastic attainments which are gen- 
 erally comprehended in a good education, 
 but to that general knowledge, which can 
 only be acquired by after-study, by observa- 
 tion, oy reading, and by association with good 
 society. 
 
 All these, however, are but the materials 
 of character, materials altogether useless, and 
 sometimes worse than useless, without the 
 operation of a master-power to select, im- 
 prove, and turn them to the best account 
 With men, this power is most frequently self- 
 interest with women it is that bias of feel- 
 ing towards what they" are most inclined to 
 love, which is generally recognised under the 
 name of taste ; and both these principles be- 
 gin to exercise their influence long before the 
 mind has attained any high degree of intel- 
 lectual cultivation, and long before we are 
 aware of our own motives. I have called 
 this principle in woman, taste, because so 
 far as it is biassed by the affections, taste in- 
 volves a moral ; and it is a peculiar feature 
 in the female character, that few things are 
 esteemed which do not recommend them- 
 selves in some way or other to the affection?. 
 
 Thus, women are often said to be deficient 
 
 in judgment, simply from this reason, that 
 judgment is the faculty by which we are en- 
 abled to decide what is intrinsically best, 
 while taste only influences us so far as to 
 choose what is most agreeable to our own 
 feelings. 
 
 It is no uncommon thing among young 
 women, to hear them say, they like a thing 
 they do not know why nay, so warm are 
 their expressions, one would be led to sup- 
 pose their preference arose from absolute 
 love, and yet, 
 
 " The reason why, they cannot tell." 
 
 It is that habitual tendency of feeling or tone 
 of mind, which I have called taste, that de- 
 cides their choice; and it is thus that our 
 moral worth or dignity depends upon the ex- 
 ercise of good taste, in the selection we make 
 of the intellectual materials we work with in 
 the formation of character, and the general 
 arrangement of the whole, so as to render the 
 trifling subservient to the more important,, 
 and each estimable according to the purpose 
 for which it is used. 
 
 I am aware that religious principle is the 
 only certain test by which character can' be 
 tried ; but I am speaking of things as they 
 are, not as they ought to be ; and I wish to 
 prove the great importance of taste, by show- 
 ing that it is a principle busily at work in di- 
 recting the decisions of the female mind on 
 points supposed to be too trifling for the oper- 
 ation of religious feeling, and often before 
 any definite idea of religion has been formed. 
 It is strictly in subservience to religion, that I 
 would speak of good taste as being of ex- 
 treme importance to woman ; because it 
 serves her purpose in all those little varia- 
 tions of human life, which are too sudden in 
 their occurrence, and too minute in them- 
 selves, for the operation of judgment; but 
 which at the same time constitute so large a 
 sum of woman's experience. 
 
 It may be said, that the rules of good taste 
 are so arbitrary, that no one can fully under- 
 stand them. I can only repeat, *hat I have 
 said on this subject in " The Poetry of Life," 
 and I think the rule is sufficient for women
 
 TASTE, TACT, AND OBSERVATION. 
 
 47 
 
 in general. It is, that the majority of opinion 
 among those who are best able to judge, may 
 safely be considered as most in accordance 
 with good taste. Thus, when your taste has 
 received from your parents a particular bias, 
 which you are afterwards led to suspect is 
 not a correct one, inquire with all respect, 
 whether, on that particular subject, your pa- 
 rents are the persons best qualified to judge. 
 Or when you find in society that any thing is 
 universally approved or condemned, before 
 accommodating your own taste to this exhi- 
 bition of popular feeling, ask whether the 
 judges who pronounce such sentence are 
 competent ones, and if there be a higher tri- 
 bunal at which the question can be tried or 
 in other words, judges who understand the 
 subject better, let it be referred lo them, be- 
 fore YOU finally make up your mind. 
 
 Perhaps it may be objected that this is a 
 tedious process, and that taste is a thing of 
 sudden conclusion. But let it be remem- 
 bered, I am now specking of the formation 
 of a good taste, as a part of the character ; 
 not of the operation of taste where it has 
 been formed. Nor, indeed, is the suddenness 
 with which some young persons decide in 
 matters of taste, any proof of their good 
 sense. So far from this, we often find them, 
 under the influence of better judges, reduced 
 to the mortifying necessity of changing their 
 opinions to the direct opposite of what they 
 have too hastily expressed. 
 
 Still, though the process of forming the 
 taste upon right principles, may at first be 
 slow ; and though it may sometimes appear 
 too tedious for juvenile impetuosity, the ex- 
 ercise of good taste will in time become so 
 easy, arid habitual, as to operate almost like 
 an instinct ; and, until it is so, the process I 
 have recommended, will have the great ad- 
 vantage of preventing young ladies from be- 
 ing too forward in expressing their senti- 
 ments ; and what is of far greater impor- 
 tance, they will be cautious in making their 
 selection of what they admire, and what 
 they condemn. 
 
 Have we not all seen in society the ridicu- 
 Vius spectacle of a young and forward girl 
 
 exhibiting all the extravagance of juvenile 
 importance in her condemnation of a book, 
 which has not happened to please her fancy ; 
 when, had she waited a few minutes longer, 
 the conversation would have taken such a 
 turn, as would have convinced her that 
 among wise men, and enlightened women, 
 the work was considered justly worthy of 
 high commendation ] With what grace could 
 she, then, after having thus committed her- 
 self, either defend, or withdraw her own 
 opinions] or with what complacency could 
 she reflect upon the exposure she had made 
 of her bad taste, before persons qualified to 
 judge ? Far wiser is the part, perhaps, of 
 her more diffident companion, who having 
 equally failed in discovering the merits of the 
 work in question, goes home and reads it 
 again, with her attention more directed to its 
 beauties ; and who, even if she fails at last 
 in deriving that pleasure from the book which 
 she had hoped, has the humility to conclude 
 that the fault is in her own taste, which she 
 then begins to regulate upon a new principle, 
 and with a determination to endeavor to ad- 
 mire what the best judges pronounce to be 
 really excellent. 
 
 We must not, however, attach too much 
 importance to good taste, nor require it to 
 operate beyond its legitimate sphere. Taste, 
 unquestionably, gives a bias to the character, 
 in its tendency to what is elevated or low, 
 refined or vulgar ; but after all, the part of 
 taste is only that of a witness called into a 
 court of justice, to test the value of an arti- 
 cle, which has some relation to the great and 
 momentous decision in which the judge, the 
 jury, and the court, are so deeply interested. 
 As taste is that witness, religion is that judge ; 
 and it is only as the one is kept subservient 
 to the other, that it can be rendered condu- 
 cive to our happiness or our good. 
 
 The province of taste, then, includes all 
 the minute affairs of woman's life which 
 belongs to all pleasurable feeling, held in 
 subordination to religious principle all which 
 belongs to dress, manners, and social habits, 
 so far as they may be said to be ladylike, or 
 otherwise. Should any consideration, rela-
 
 48 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 ting to one or all of these points, be allowed 
 to interfere in the remotest degree with the 
 requirements of religion, it is a proof, when- 
 ever they do so, that the standard of excel- 
 lence is a wrong one; and the individual 
 who commits so fatal an errof, would do well 
 to look to the consequences, and remedy the 
 evil before it shall be too late. Religion 
 never yet was injured by permitting good 
 taste to follow in her train ; but that lovely 
 handmaid can deserve the name of taste no 
 longer, if she attempts to step before religion, 
 or in any respect to assume her place. 
 
 Above every other feature which adorns 
 the female character, delicacy stands foremost 
 whithin the province of good taste. Not 
 that delicacy which is perpetually in quest of 
 something to be ashamed of, which makes a 
 merit of a blush, and simpers at the false 
 construction its own ingenuity has put upon 
 an innocent remark; this spurious kind of 
 delicacy is as far removed from good taste, 
 as from good feeling, and good sense ; but 
 that high-minded delicacy which maintains 
 its pure and undeviating walk alike among 
 women, as in the society of men ; which 
 shrinks from no necessary duty, and can 
 speak, when required, with seriousness and 
 kindness of things at which it would be 
 ashamed indeed to smile or to blush that 
 delicacy which knows how to confer a benefit 
 without wounding the feelings of another, 
 and which understands also how and when 
 to receive one that delicacy which can give 
 alms without display, and advice without as- 
 sumption ; and which pains not the most 
 humble or susceptible being in creation. 
 This is the delicacy which forms so impor- 
 tant a part of good taste, that where it does 
 not exist as a natural instinct, it is taught as 
 the first principle of good manners, and con- 
 sidered as the universal passport to good so- 
 ciety. 
 
 Nor can this, the greatest charm of female 
 character, if totally neglected in youth, ever 
 be acquired in after life. When the mind 
 has been accustomed to what is vulgar, or 
 gross, the fine edge of feeling is gone, and 
 nothing can restore it. It is comparatively 
 
 ea.*y, on first entering upon life, to maintain 
 the page of thought unsullied, by closing it 
 against every improper image ; but when 
 once such images are allowed to mingle with 
 the imagination, so as to be constantly reviv- 
 ed by memory, and thus to give their tone to 
 the habitual mode of thinking and conversing, 
 the beauty of the female character may in- 
 deed be said to be gone, and its glory de- 
 parted. 
 
 But we will no longer contemplate so un- 
 lovely so unnatural a picture. Woman, 
 happily for her, is gifted by nature with a 
 quickness of perception, by which she is able 
 to detect the earliest approach of any thing 
 which might tend to destroy that high-toned 
 purity of character, for which, even in the 
 days of chivalry, she was more reverenced 
 and adored, than for her beauty itself. This 
 quickness of perception in minute and deli- 
 cate points, with the power which woman 
 also possesses of acting upon it instantaneous- 
 ly, has, in familiar phraseology, obtained the 
 name of tact ; and when this natural gift is 
 added to good taste, the two combined are 
 of more value to a woman in the social and 
 domestic affairs of every-day life, than the 
 most brilliant intellectual endowments could 
 be without them. 
 
 When a woman is possessed of a high 
 degree of tact, she sees, as if by a kind of sec- 
 ond-sight, when any little emergency is like- 
 ly to occur ; or when, to use a more familiar 
 expression, tilings do not seem likely to go 
 right She is thus aware of any sudden turn 
 in conversation, and prepared for what it 
 may lead to ; but, above all, she can pene- 
 trate into the state of mind of those with whom 
 she is placed in contact, so as to detect the 
 gathering gloom upon another's brow, before 
 the mental storm shall have reached any for- 
 midable height; to know when the tone of 
 voice has altered, when an unwelcome 
 thought has presented itself, and when the 
 pulse of feeling is beating higher or lower in 
 consequence of some apparently trifling cir- 
 cumstance which has just transpired. 
 
 In these and innumerable instances of a 
 similar nature, the woman of tact not only
 
 TASTE, TACT, AND OBSERVATION. 
 
 49 
 
 perceives the variations which are constantly 
 taking place in the atmosphere of social life, 
 but she adapts herself to them with a facility 
 which the law of love enables her to carry 
 out, so as to spare her friends the pain and 
 annoyance which so frequently arise out of 
 the mere mismanagement of familiar and 
 apparently unimportant affairs. And how 
 often do these seeming trifles 
 
 " The lightly uttered, careless word" 
 
 the wrong construction put upon a right 
 meaning the accidental betrayal of what 
 there would have been no duplicity in con- 
 cealing how often do these wound us more 
 than direct unkindness ! Even the young feel 
 this sometimes too sensitively for their own 
 peace. But while the tears they weep in 
 private attest the severity of their sorrow, let 
 them not, like the misanthrope, turntmck 
 with hatred or contempt upon the^rorld 
 which they suppose to have injured them ; 
 but let them rather learn this' wholesome les- 
 son, by their own experience, so to meet the 
 peculiarities of those with whom they asso- 
 ciate, as to soften down the asperities of tem- 
 per, to heal the wounds of morbid feeling, 
 and to make the current of life run smoothly, 
 so far as they have power to cast the oil of 
 peace upon its waters. 
 
 Such then is the general use of tact. Par- 
 ticular instances of its operation would be too 
 minute, and too familiar, to occupy, with pro- 
 priety, the pages of a book ; for, like many 
 other female excellences, it is more valued, 
 and better understood, by the loss a character 
 sustains without it, than by any definite form 
 it assumes, even when most influential upon 
 the conversation and conduct. This valu- 
 able acquirement, however, can never be at- 
 tained without the cultivation in early life of 
 habits of close observation. It is not upon 
 the notes of a piece of music only, not upon 
 a pattern of fancy-work, nor even upon the 
 pages of an interesting book, that the atten- 
 tion must alone be brought to bear ; but upon 
 things in general, so that the faculty of obser- 
 vation shall become so sharpened by constant 
 use, that nothing can escape it. 
 
 Far be it from me to recommend that idle 
 and vulgar curiosity, which peeps about 
 without a motive, or, worse than that, with a 
 view to collect materials for scandal. Obser- 
 vation is a faculty which may be kept perpet- 
 ually at work, without intrusion or offence 
 to others ; and at the same time, with infinite 
 benefit to ourselves. Every object in crea- 
 tion, every sound, every sensation, every pro- 
 duction either of nature or of art, supplies 
 food for observation, while observation in its 
 turn supplies food for thought. I have been 
 astonished in my association with young 
 ladies, at the very few things they appear to 
 have to think about. Generally speaking, 
 they might be all talked up in the course of 
 a week. And what is the consequence? It 
 is far beyond a jest, for the consequence too 
 frequently is, that they grow weary of them- 
 selves, then weary of others, and lastly wea- 
 ry of life of life, that precious and immortal 
 gift, which they share with angels, and which 
 to them, as to the angelic host, has been 
 bestowed in order that therewith they may 
 glorify the gracious Giver.. 
 
 Now, this very weariness, which at the 
 same time is the most prevalent disease, and 
 the direst calamity, we find among young 
 women ; since it not only makes them use- 
 less and miserable, but drives them perpetual- 
 ly into excitement as a momentary relief 
 this weariness arises out of various causes 
 with which young people are not sufficiently 
 made acquainted, and one of the most power- 
 ful of which is, a neglect of the habit of ob- 
 servation. 
 
 "I have seen nobody, and heard nothing 
 to-day," is the vapid remark of one to whom 
 the glorious heavens, and the fruitful earth, 
 might as well be so much paint and patch- 
 work. " What an uninteresting person !" 
 exclaims another, who has never looked a 
 second time at some fine expressive counte- 
 nance, where deep feeling tells its own im- 
 passioned story. "I wish some one would 
 come and invite us out to tea," says a third, 
 whose household library is stored with books, 
 and whose parents have within themselves 
 a fund of intelligence, which they would be
 
 50 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 but too happy to communicate, could they 
 find an attentive listener in their child. " But 
 my life is so monotonous," pleads a fourth, 
 " and my range of vision so limited, that I 
 have nothing to observe." With those who 
 live exclusively in towns, I confess this ar- 
 gument might have some weight ; and for 
 this reason, I suppose it is, that town-bred 
 young women are often more ignorant than 
 those who spend a portion of their early life 
 in the country not certainly because there 
 is really less to be observed in towns, but be- 
 cause the mind, in the midst of a multitude 
 of moving images, is comparatively unim- 
 pressed by any. I confess, too, there is some- 
 thing in the noise and tumult of a crowded 
 city, which stupifies the mind, and blunts its 
 perception of individual things, until the 
 whole shifting pageant assumes the charac- 
 ter of some vast panorama, upon which we 
 look, only with regard to the whole, and for- 
 getful of each individual part 
 
 ^It is true, I have taken my accustomed 
 walk in the city," observes a fifth young wo- 
 man, " but I have found nothing to think 
 about" What ! was there nothing to think 
 about in the squalid forms of want and misery 
 which met you at every turn ? nothing in the 
 disappointed look of the patient mendicant 
 as you passed him by 1 nothing in the pale 
 and half-clad mother, seated on the step at 
 the rich man's door, folding her infant to her 
 bosom, and shrouding it with the " wings of 
 care?" was there nothing in all that was 
 doing among those busy thousands, for sup- 
 plying the common wants of man ; the droves 
 of weary animals goaded, stupified, or mad- 
 dened, none of which would ever tread 
 again the greensward on the mountain's side, 
 or slake its thirst beside the woodland brook 1 
 was there nothing in the bold and beauti- 
 ful charger, the bounding steed, or the sleek 
 and well-fed carriage-horse, contrasted with 
 the galled and lacerated victims of oppres- 
 sion, waiting for their round of agony to 
 come again? was there nothing in the vast- 
 ness of man's resources, the variety of his 
 inventions, the power of combined effort, as 
 displayed in that perpetual succession of lux- 
 
 uries both for the body and the mind ? was 
 there nothing in that aspect of order and in- 
 duptry, so important to individual, as well as 
 national prosperity ? was there nothing, in 
 short, in that mighty mass of humanity, or in 
 the millions of pulses beating there, with 
 health or sickness, weal or wo 7- was there 
 nothing in all this to think about? Why, 
 one of our late poets was wont to weep as he 
 walked along Fleet-street and the Strand ; so 
 intense were his sympathies with that mov- 
 ing host of fellow-beings. And can young 
 and sensitive women be found to pass over 
 the same ground, and say they find nothing 
 to think about ? Still less could we expect 
 to meet with a being thus impervious in the 
 country ; for there, if human nature pleases 
 not, she may find 
 
 -books in the running brooks, 
 
 SHions in stones, and good in every thing." 
 
 Whether it arises from an intellectual, or a 
 moral defect, that this happy experience is 
 so seldom realized, is a question of some im- 
 portance in the formation of character. If 
 young ladies really do not wish to be close 
 observers, the evil is a moral one, and I can- 
 not but suspect that much truth lies here. 
 They wish, undoubtedly, to enjoy every 
 amusement which can be derived from ob- 
 servation, but they do not wish to observe ; 
 because they either have some little pet sor- 
 row which they prefer brooding over to them- 
 selves, or some favorite subject of gossip, 
 which they prefer talking over with their 
 friends, or they think it more ladylike not to 
 notice common things, or more interesting to 
 be absorbed, to start when spoken to, and to 
 spend the greatest portion of their time in a 
 state of revery. 
 
 If such be the choice of any fair reader of 
 these pages, I can only warn her that the 
 punishment of her error will eventually come 
 upon her, and that as surely as she neglects 
 in youth to cultivate the expansive and pleas- 
 ure-giving faculty of observation, so surely 
 will life become wearisome to her in old age, 
 if not before. There are, however, many 
 whose error on this point arises solely out of
 
 TASTE, TACT, AND OBSERVATION. 
 
 51 
 
 their ignorance of the innumerable advan- 
 tages to be derived from a close observation 
 of things in general. Their lives are void of 
 interest, their minds run to waste, they are 
 constantly pining for excitement, without 
 being conscious of any definite cause for 
 what they suffer. They see their more en- 
 ergetic and intelligent companions anima- 
 ted, interested, and amused, with something 
 which they are consequently most anxious to 
 be made acquainted with, supposing it will 
 afford the same pleasure to them ; when, to 
 their astonishment, they find it only some ob- 
 ject which has for a long time met their daily 
 gaze, without ever having made an impres- 
 sion upon their own minds, or excited a single 
 idea in connection with it. To such individ- 
 uals it becomes a duty to point out, as far as 
 we are able, the obstacles which stand in the 
 way of their deriving that instruction and 
 amusement from general and individual ob- 
 servation, which would fill up the void of 
 their existence, and render them at the same 
 time more companionable and more happy. 
 There is a word in our language of most 
 inexplicable meaning, which by universal con- 
 sent has become a sort of test- word among 
 young ladies, and by which they try the 
 worth of every thing, as regards its claim 
 upon their attention. I mean the word in- 
 teresting. In vain have I endeavored to at- 
 tach any definite sense to this expression, as 
 generally used by the class of persons ad- 
 dressed in this work. I can only conjecture 
 that its signification is synonymous with ex- 
 citing, and that it is applicable to all which 
 awakens sentiment, or produces emotion. 
 However this may be, the fact that a person 
 or thing is considered among young ladies as 
 uninteresting, stamps it with irremediable 
 obloquy, so that it is never more to be spoken, 
 or even thought of; while, on the other 
 hand, whatever is pronounced to be interest- 
 ing, is considered worthy of their utmost at- 
 tention, even though it should possess no 
 other recommendation ; and thus not only 
 heroes and heroines, but books, letters, con- 
 versation, speeches, meetings public and pri- 
 vate, friends, and even lovers, are tried by 
 
 this universal test, and if they fail here, wo 
 betide the luckless candidate for female fa- 
 vor ! 
 
 Of those who have hitherto been slaves to 
 this all-potent word, I would now ask one 
 simple question Is it not possible to create 
 their own world of interest out of the mate, 
 rials which Providence has placed before 
 them ? or must they by necessity follow in 
 the train of those who languish after the ex 
 citement of fictitious sorrow, or who luxuri 
 ate in the false sentiment of immoral books, 
 and the flattery of unprincipled men, simply 
 because they find them interesting ? 
 
 Never has there been a delusion more in- 
 sidious, or more widely spread, than that 
 which arises out of the arbitrary use of this 
 dangerous and deceitful word, as it obtains 
 among young women. Ask one of them why 
 she cannot read a serious book ; she answers, 
 " the style is so uninteresting." Ask another 
 why she does not attend a public meeting for 
 the benefit of her fellow-creatures ; she an- 
 swers that "such meetings have lost their 
 interest." Ask a third why she does not 
 make a friend of her sister ; she tells you 
 that her sister " does not interest" her. And 
 so on, through the whole range of public and 
 private duty, for there is no call so impera- 
 tive, and no claim so sacred, as to escape 
 being submitted to this test : and on the other 
 hand, no sentiment that cannot be reconciled, 
 no task that cannot be undertaken, and no 
 companionship that cannot be borne with, 
 under the recommendation of having been 
 introduced in an interesting manner. 
 
 Of all the obstacles which stand in the 
 way of that exercise of the faculty of obser- 
 vation, which I would so earnestly recom- 
 mend, I believe there is none so great as the 
 importance which is attached to the wore 
 " interesting," among young women. Upon 
 whatever interests them, they are sufficiently 
 ready to employ their powers of observation 
 but with regard to what does not, they pass 
 through the pleasant walks of daily life, as i: 
 surrounded by the dreary wastes of a desert 
 Of want of memory, too, they are apt to 
 complain, and from the frequency with which
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 this grievance is spoken of, and the little ef- 
 fort that is made against it, one would rather 
 suppose it an embellishment to the character 
 than otherwise, to be deficient in the power 
 of recollecting. It is a fact, however, which 
 personal experience has not been able to con- 
 trovert, that whatever we really observe, we 
 are able to remember. Ask one of these fair 
 complainers, for instance, who laments her 
 inability to remember, what colored dress was 
 worn by some distinguished belle, for what 
 piece of music she herself obtained the most 
 applause, or what subject was chosen by 
 some beau-ideal of a speaker, and it is more 
 than probable her memory will not be found 
 at fault, because these are the things upon 
 which she has employed her observation ; 
 and, had the subjects themselves been of a 
 higher order, an equal effort of the same use- 
 ful faculty, would have impressed them in 
 the same imperishable characters upon her 
 memory. 
 
 After considering the subject in this point 
 of view, how important does it appear that 
 w^ should turn our attention to the power 
 which exists in every human being, and 
 especially during the season of youth, of cre- 
 ating a world of interest for themselves, of 
 deviating so far from the tendency of popu- 
 lar taste, as sometimes to leave the Corsairs 
 of Byron to the isles of Greece, and the Gyp- 
 sies of Scott to the mountains of his native 
 land ; and while they look into the page of 
 actual life, they will find that around them, in 
 their daily walks, beneath the parental roof, 
 or mixing with the fireside circle by the 
 homely hearth, there are often feelings as 
 deep, and hearts as warm, and experience 
 as richly fraught with interest, as ever glowed 
 in verse, or lived in story. There is not, 
 there cannot be any want of interest in the 
 exercise of the sympathies of our nature 
 upon common things, when no novel has 
 ever exhibited scenes of deeper emotion, 
 than observation has revealed to every hu- 
 man being, whose perceptions have been 
 habitually alive to the claims of weak and 
 suffering humanity ; nor has fiction ever por- 
 trayed such profound wretchedness as we 
 
 may daily find among the poor and the de- 
 praved ; and not wretchedness alone, for 
 what language of mimic feeling has ever 
 been found to equal the touching pathos of 
 the poor and simple-hearted ? Nay, so far 
 does imagination fall short of reality, that the 
 highest encomium we can pass upon a wri- 
 ter of fiction, is, that his expressions are 
 " true to nature." 
 
 This is what we may find every day in 
 actual life, if we will but look for it intensi- 
 ty of feeling under all its different forms ; 
 the mother's tender love ; the father's high 
 ambition ; hope in its early bud, its first 
 blight, and its final extinction ; the joy of 
 youth ; the helplessness of old age ; pa- 
 tience under suffering ; disinterested zeal ; 
 strong faith, and calm resignation. And 
 shall we say that we feel no interest in reali- 
 ties of which the novel and the drama are 
 but feeble imitations 1 It is true that heroes 
 and heroines do not strike upon their hearts, 
 or fall prostrate, or tear their hair before us, 
 every day ; but I repeat again, that the touch- 
 ing pathos of true feeling, which all may be- 
 come acquainted with, if they will employ 
 their powers of observation upon human life 
 as it exists around us, has nothing to equal it 
 in poetry or fiction. If, then, we would turn 
 our attention to human life as it is, and em- 
 ploy our powers of observation upon cem- 
 mon things, we should find a never-failing 
 source of interest, not only in the sympathies 
 of our common nature, but in all which dis- 
 plays the wisdom and goodness of the Cre- 
 ator ; for this ought ever to be our highest 
 and ultimate aim in the exercise of every 
 faculty we possess, to perceive the impress 
 of the finger of God upon all which his will 
 has designed, or his hand has created. 
 
 All I have yet said on this subject, how- 
 ever, has reference only to the benefit, or the 
 enjoyment, of the individual who employs 
 the faculty of observation. The law of love 
 directs us to a happier and holier exercise of 
 tliis faculty. No one can be truly kind, with- 
 out having accustomed themselves in early 
 life to habits of close observation. They 
 may be kind in feeling, but never in effect ;
 
 TASTE, TACT, AND OBSERVATION. 
 
 53 
 
 for kindness is always estimated, not by the 
 good it desires, but by that which it actually 
 produces. A woman who is a close observer, 
 under the influence of the law of love, knows 
 so well what belongs to social and domestic 
 comfort, that she never enters a room occu- 
 pied by a family whose happiness she has at 
 heart, without seeing in an instant every tri- 
 fle upon which that comfort depends. If the 
 sun is excluded when it would be more cheer- 
 ful to let it shine in if the cloth is not spread 
 at the right time for the accustomed meal 
 if the fire is low, or the hearth unswept if 
 the chairs are not standing in the most invi- 
 ting places, her quick eye detects in an instant 
 what is wanting to complete the general air 
 of comfort and order which it is woman's bu- 
 siness to diffuse over her whole household ; 
 while, on the other hand, if her attention has 
 never been directed to any of these things, she 
 enters the room without looking around her, 
 and sits down to her own occupations with- 
 out once perceiving that the servants are be- 
 hindhand with the breakfast, that the blinds 
 are still down on a dark winter's morning, 
 that a window is still open, that a chair is 
 standing with its back to the fender, that the 
 fire is smoking for want of better arrange- 
 ment, or that a corner of the hearth-rug is 
 turned up. 
 
 Now, provided all other things are equal, 
 which of these two women would be the 
 most agreeable to sit down with ! The an- 
 swer is clear ; yet, nothing need be wanting 
 in the last, but the habit of observation, to 
 render her a more inviting companion. It 
 may perhaps be surmised, if not actually 
 said, of the other, that her mind must be 
 filled with trifle.s, to enable her habitually to 
 see such as are here specified ; but it is a 
 fact confirmed by experience, and knowledge 
 of the world, that a quick and close observa- 
 tion of little things, by no means precludes 
 observation of greater ; and that the woman 
 who cannot comfortably sit down until all 
 these trifling matters are adjusted, will be 
 more likely than another, whose faculties 
 have not been thus exercised, to perceive, 
 by an instantaneous glance of the eye, the 
 
 peculiar temper of her husband's mind, as 
 well as to discover the characteristic peculiar- 
 ities of some interesting guest ; while, on the 
 other hand, the woman who never notices 
 these things, will be more likely to lose the 
 point of a clever remark, and to fail to per 
 ceive the most interesting features in the so 
 ciety with which she associates. The facul. 
 ty of observation is the same, whatever ob- 
 ject it may be engaged upon ; and that which 
 is minute, may sharpen its powers, and stim- 
 ulate its exercise, as well as that which is 
 more important. 
 
 With regard to kindness, it is impossible 
 so to adapt our expressions of good- will, as 
 to render them acceptable, unless we minute- 
 ly observe the characters, feelings, and situa- 
 tion of those around us. Inappropriate kind- 
 ness is not only a waste of good things, it is 
 sometimes an annoyance nay, even an of- 
 fence to the sensitive and fastidious, because 
 it proves that the giver of the present, or the 
 actor in the intended benefit has been more 
 solicitous to display his own generosity, than 
 to promote their real good ; or he might have 
 seen, that, with their habits, tastes, and pecu- 
 liarities, such an act must be altogether useless. 
 
 A woman wanting the habit of observa- 
 tion, though influenced by the kindest feel- 
 ings, will be guilty of a vast amount of in- 
 consistencies, which, summed up together by 
 those whom they have offended, will, in time, 
 obtain for her the reputation of being any 
 thing but kind in her treatment of others. 
 Such, for instance, as walking away at a 
 brisk pace, intent upon her own business, 
 and leaving behind some delicate and nerv- 
 ous invalid to endure all the mortification of 
 neglect. When told of her omission, she 
 may hasten back, make a thousand apolo- 
 gies, and feel really grieved at her own con- 
 duct ; but she will not easily convince the in- 
 valid that it would not have shown more real 
 kindness to have observed from the first that 
 she was left behind. No ; there is no way 
 of being truly kind, without cultivating habits 
 of observation. Nor will such habits come 
 to our aid in after life, if they have been 
 neglected in youth. Willingness to oblige, is
 
 54 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 not all that is wanted, or this might supply 
 the defect Where this willingness exists 
 without observation, how often will a well- 
 meaning person start up with a vague con- 
 sciousness of some omission, look about with 
 awkward curiosity to see what is wanted, 
 blunder upon the right thing at the wrong 
 time, and then sit down again, after having 
 made every one else uncomfortable, and him- 
 self ridiculous ! 
 
 In connection with the habit of observa- 
 tion, how much real kindness may be prac- 
 tised, even by the most insignificant mem- 
 ber of a family ! I have seen a little child, 
 far too diffident to speak to the stranger- 
 guest, still watch his plate at table with such 
 assiduity, that no wish remained ungratified, 
 simply from having just what the child per- 
 ceived he most wanted, placed silently beside 
 him. 
 
 From this humble sphere of minute obser- 
 vation, men are generally and very properly 
 considered as excluded. But to women they 
 look, and shall they look in vain, for the fill- 
 ing up of this important page of human ex- 
 perience ? Each particular item of the ac- 
 count may be regarded as beneath their 
 notice ; but well do they know, and deeply 
 do they regret, if the page is left blank, or if 
 the sum-total is not greatly to their advan- 
 tage. 
 
 Observation and attention are so much the 
 same in their results, that I shall not consider 
 them separately, but only add a few remarks 
 on the subject of attention as it applies to 
 reading. 
 
 There is no social pleasure, among those 
 it has been my lot to experience, which I 
 esteem more highly than that of listening to 
 an interesting book well read ; when a fire- 
 side circle, chiefly composed of agreeable and 
 intelligent women, are seated at their work. In 
 the same way as the lonely traveller, after gain- 
 ing some lofty eminence, on the opening of 
 some lovely valley, or the closing of some 
 sunset scene, longs to see the joy he is then 
 feeling reflected in the face of the being he 
 loves best on earth ; so, a great portiori*of 
 the enjoyment of reading, as experienced by 
 
 a social disposition, depends upon the same 
 impressions being made upon congenial minds 
 at the same time. I have spoken of an in- 
 teresting book, well read, because I think the 
 art of reading aloud is far too rarely culti- 
 vated ; and I have often been astonished at 
 the deficiency which exists on this point, 
 after what is called a finished education. 
 
 To my own feelings, the easy and judi- 
 cious reading of a well-written book, on a 
 favorite subject, is even more delightful than 
 music ; because it supplies the mind with 
 ideas, at the same time that it gratifies the 
 ear and the taste. Little do they know of 
 this pleasure, who pass in and out of a room 
 unnecessarily, or who whisper about their 
 thimble or their thread, while this music of 
 the mind is thrilling the souls of those who 
 understand it ; and little do they know of 
 social enjoyment, who prefer poring over the 
 pages of a book alone, rather than allowing 
 others to share their pleasure at the same 
 time. I am aware that many books may be 
 well worth reading alone, which are not cal- 
 culated for general reading ; and I am aware 
 also, that every fireside circle is not capable 
 of appreciating this gratification : but I speak 
 of those which are ; and I think that wo- 
 man, as a peculiarly social being, should be 
 careful to arrange and adjust such affairs, as 
 to create the greatest amount of social pleas- 
 ure. Of this, however, hereafter. 
 
 It is more to my present purpose, to speak 
 of those habits of inattention to which many 
 young persons unscrupulously yield, when- 
 ever a book is read aloud. It may be re- 
 marked, as a certain proof of their want of 
 interest, when they rise to leave the room, 
 and request the reader not to wa"it for them ; 
 for though politeness may require some con- 
 cession on their part, it is a far higher com- 
 pliment to the reader, and indeed to the 
 company in general, to evince an interest so 
 great, than rather than lose any part of 
 the book, they will ask, as a personal favor, 
 that the reading of it may be suspended until 
 their return, provided only their absence is 
 brief. I have often felt with sympathy for 
 the reader on these occasions, the disap-
 
 TASTE, TACT, AND OBSERVATION. 
 
 55 
 
 pointment he must experience when assured 
 by one of his audience, that to her at least 
 his efforts to give pleasure, and excite inter- 
 est, have been in vain. 
 
 Beyond this there is a habit of secret inat- 
 tention, of musing upon other things when- 
 ever a book is read aloud, which grows upon 
 the young, until they lose the power to com- 
 mand their attention, even when they would. 
 This, however, I imagine to arise in great 
 measure out of the want of cultivating the 
 art of reading ; for the monotonous tone we 
 so frequently hear, the misplaced emphasis, 
 and, worse than all, the affectation of reading 
 well, when the reader and not the book is 
 too evidently intended to be noticed, are of 
 themselves sufficient to repel attention, and 
 to excite a desire to do any thing rather than 
 listen. 
 
 Truly has it been said, that " the sport of 
 musing is the waste of life," for though oc- 
 casional seasons of mental retirement are 
 profitable to all* the habit of endless and 
 aimless revery, which some young persons 
 indulge in, is as destructive to mental energy, 
 as to practical usefulness ! Hour after hour 
 glides on with them unmarked, while thought 
 is just kept alive by a current of undefined 
 images flowing through the mind. And 
 what remains 1 " A weary, stale, flat, and 
 unprofitable" existence ; as burdensome to 
 themselves, as unproductive of good to 
 others. 
 
 As a defence against the encroachments of 
 this insidious enemy, it is good to be in earn- 
 est about every thing we do earnest in our 
 studies earnest in our familiar occupations 
 earnest in our attachments but above all, 
 earnest in our duties. There is a listless, 
 dreamy, halfish way of acting, which evades 
 the stigma of direct indolence, but which 
 never really accomplishes one laudable pur- 
 pose. Enthusiasm is the direct opposite of 
 this ; but in the safe medium between this 
 extreme and enthusiasm, is that earnestness 
 which I would recommend to all young per- 
 sons as a habit Enthusiasm, to the mind of 
 youth, is vastly more taking than sober earn- 
 estness ; yet, when we look to the end, how 
 
 often do we find that the one is discouraged 
 by difficulties, and finally diverted from its 
 object, where the other perseveres, and ulti- 
 mately succeeds ! 
 
 Habitual earnestness is directly opposed to 
 habitual trifling ; and this latter may truly 
 be said to be the bane of woman's life. To 
 be in earnest is to go steadily to work with 
 whatever we undertake ; counting the cost, 
 and weighing the difficulty, and still enga- 
 ging in the task, assured that the end to be 
 attained will repay us for every effort we 
 make. To do one thing and think about 
 another, to begin and not go on, to change 
 our plan so often as to defeat our purpose, or 
 to act without having formed a plan at all, 
 this it is to trifle, and consequently to waste 
 both time and effort 
 
 By cultivating habitual earnestness in 
 youth, we acquire the power of bringing all 
 the faculties of the mind to bear upon any 
 given point, whenever we have a purpose to 
 accomplish. We do not then find, at the 
 time we want to act, that attention has gone 
 astray, that resolution cannot be fixed, that 
 fancy has scattered the materials with which 
 we were to work, that taste refuses her sanc- 
 tion, that inclination rebels, or that industry 
 chooses to be otherwise engaged. No ; such 
 is the power of habit, that, when accustomed 
 from early youth to be in earnest in what- 
 ever we do, no sooner does an opportunity 
 for making any laudable effort occur, than al' 
 these faculties and powers are ready at our 
 call ; and with their combined and willing 
 aid, how much may be attained either for 
 ourselves or others ! 
 
 The great enemy we have to encounter, 
 both in the use of the faculty of observation, 
 and in the cultivation of habits of earnest- 
 ness, is indolence ; an enemy which besets 
 our path from infancy to age, which stands 
 in the way of all our best endeavors, anc 
 even when a good resolution has been 
 formed, persuades us to delay the execution 
 of it Could we prevail upon the young to 
 regard this enemy as it really is a greedy 
 monster, following upon their steps, and ever 
 grasping out of their possession, their time,
 
 56 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OP ENGLAND. 
 
 their talents, and their strength, instead of a 
 pleasant fireside companion, to be dallied 
 with in their leisure hours what . a service 
 would be done to the whole human race ! for, 
 to those who have been the willing slaves of 
 indolence in youth, it will most assuredly be- 
 come the tyrant of old age. 
 
 The season of youth, then, is the time to 
 oppose this enemy with success ; and those 
 who have quickened their powers of obser- 
 vation by constant exercise, and applied 
 themselves with habitual earnestness to un- 
 remitting efforts of attention and industry, 
 will be in no danger of finding life, as it ad- 
 vances, either uninteresting or wearisome ; 
 or their own portion of experience destitute 
 of utility and enjoyment 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 BEAUTY, HEALTH, AND TEMPER. 
 
 THESE are personal qualifications univer- 
 sally considered to be of great importance to 
 the female sex ; yet is there something sad 
 in the contemplation- of the first of these, so 
 great is the disproportion between the esti- 
 mation in which it is regarded by young 
 people in general, and its real value in the 
 aggregate of human happiness. Indeed, 
 when we think of its frailty, its superficial 
 character, and the certainty of its final and 
 utter extinction and connect these consider- 
 n;ions with the incalculable amount of am- 
 bition, envy, and false applause, which beauty 
 has excited we should rather be inclined to 
 consider it a bane than a blessing to the hu- 
 man race. 
 
 Female beauty has ever been the theme of 
 inspiration with poets, and with heroes, since 
 the world began ; and for all the sins and the 
 follies, and they are many, for which beauty 
 has formed the excuse, has not man been the 
 abettor, if not the cause ? Of his habitual 
 and systematic treachery to his weak sister 
 on this one point, what page, what book 
 shall contain the record t Would that- some 
 
 pen more potent than ever yet was wielded 
 by a human hand, \vould transcribe the dark 
 history, and present it to his view ; for hap- 
 py, thrice happy will be that era, if it shall 
 ever come, in the existence of woman, when 
 man shall be true to her real interests, and 
 when he shall esteem it his highest privilege 
 to protect her not from enchanted castles, 
 from jealous rivals, or from personal foes, 
 but from the more insidious and fatal ene- 
 mies which lurk within her own heart from 
 vanity, from envy, and from love of admira- 
 tion. 
 
 To prove that I lay no unfounded charge 
 at the door of man in "this respect, let us look 
 into society as it is. The beautiful woman ! 
 What court is paid to her ! What extrava- 
 gances are uttered and committed by those 
 who compose her circle of admirers ! She 
 opens her lips : men of high intellectual pre- 
 tensions are proud to listen. Some trifling 
 or vapid remark is all she utters. They ap- 
 plaud, if she attempts to be judicious ; they 
 laugh, if she aims at being gay ; or they 
 evince the most profound reverence for her 
 sentiments, if the tone of her expression is 
 grave. Listen to the flattery they offer at the 
 shrine of this idol of an hour. No ! it is too 
 gross, too absurd for repetition. One thing, 
 however, makes it serious. Such flattery is 
 frequently at the expense of rivals, and even 
 of friends ; so that, while these admirers 
 foster vanity, they are not satisfied without 
 awaking the demon of envy in a soul, an 
 immortal soul, which it ought to have been 
 their generous and noble aim to shield from 
 every taint of evil, and especially from so 
 foul a taint as that of envy. 
 
 But let us turn to another scene in the 
 drama of society. The very same men are 
 disclaiming their unsuccessful efforts to ob- 
 tain the favor of this beauty, and ridiculing 
 the emptiness and the folly of the remarks 
 they so lately applauded. Time passes on. 
 The beauty so worshipped begins to wane. 
 Other stars shine forth in the hemisphere, 
 and younger belles assert superior claims to 
 admiration. Who, then, remains of all that 
 prostrate circle ? Not one ! They are all
 
 BEAUTY, HEALTH, AND TEMPER. 
 
 57 
 
 gone over to the junior claimant, and are 
 laughing with her at the disappointment of 
 the faded beauty. 
 
 This is a dark and melancholy picture, but 
 for its truth I appeal to any who have mixed 
 much in general society, who have either 
 been beautiful themselves, or the confidants 
 j of beauty, or who have been accustomed to 
 hear the remarks of men on these subjects, 
 when no beauty was present I might ap- 
 peal also to the fact, that personal beauty 
 among women alone, receives no exaggera- 
 ted or undue homage. Were there no men 
 in the world, female beauty would be valued 
 as a charm, but by no means as one of the 
 highest order ; and happily for women, an 
 idea prevails among them, that those who 
 want this charm, have the deficiency made 
 up to them in talent, or in some other way. 
 
 Still, there is so natural and irresistible a 
 delight in gazing upon beauty, that I never 
 could understand the philosophy of those 
 moralists who would endeavor to keep from 
 a lovely girl, the knowledge that she was so. 
 Her mirror is more faithful, and unless that 
 be destroyed, the danger is, that she will 
 suspect such moral managers of some sinis- 
 ter design in endeavoring to deceive her on 
 this point, and that, in consequence, she will 
 be put upon thinking still more of the value 
 of a gift, with the possession of which she is 
 not to be trusted. Far wiser is the part of 
 that counsellor of youth, who, convinced that 
 much of the danger attendant upon beauty, 
 as a personal recommendation, arises out of 
 low and ignorant views of the value of beau- 
 ty itself, thus endeavors to show the folly of 
 attaching importance to that which the touch 
 of disease may at any hour destroy, and 
 which time must inevitably efface. 
 
 The more the mind is expanded and en- 
 lightened, the more it is filled with a sense of 
 what is admirable in the creation at large ; 
 and the more it is impressed with the true 
 image of moral beauty, the less it will be oc- 
 cupied with the consideration of any personal 
 claim to flattery or applause. There will al- 
 ways be a circle of humble candidates for fa- 
 vor surrounding the unguarded steps of youth, 
 
 whose influence will be excited on the side 
 of personal beauty, perhaps more than in 
 any other way. Without disrespect to the 
 valuable class of servants, to which I allude, 
 for I am convinced they know not what they 
 do, I must express my fears, that they are 
 often busily at work upon the young mind, 
 long before the age of womanhood, instilling 
 into it their own low views of beauty as a 
 personal distinction ; and it is against this in- 
 fluence, more especially as it begins the earli- 
 est, that I would call up all the power of mor- 
 al and intellectual expansion, in order to fill 
 the mind as early as possible with elevated 
 thoughts of the creation in general, and of 
 admiration for that part of it which is sepa- 
 rate from s<slf. 
 
 A being thus enlightened, will perceive that 
 admiration is one of the higher faculties of 
 our nature unknown to the brute creation, 
 and one, the lawful exercise of which, affords 
 us perhaps more enjoyment than any other. 
 Upon the right employment of this faculty 
 depends much of the moral tendency of hu- 
 man character. It is, therefore, of the utmost 
 importance that we should learn in early life 
 to admire only what is truly excellent ; and 
 as there is an excellence of beauty, which it 
 is consonant with the higher attributes of our 
 nature that we should admire, it necessarily 
 follows, that to search for beauty as an es- 
 sence pervading the universe, is an employ- 
 ment not unworthy of an intelligent and im- 
 mortal being. 
 
 Let us then examine, so far as we are able 
 to do so, "the treasures of earth, ocean, and 
 air ;" and we shall see that it has pleased the 
 all-wise Creator, to diffuse the principle of 
 beauty over every region of the world. The 
 deep sea, into whose mysterious caves no 
 human eye can penetrate, is full of it The 
 blue ether, and the sailing clouds, sun, moon, 
 and stars, are they not beautiful] and the 
 fruitful garden of the earth, wherever nature 
 smiles ? 
 
 " How beautiful is all this visible world !" 
 
 Not beautiful in its brightness and eublimity 
 alone, but beautiful wherever the steps of
 
 58 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 Deity have trod wherever the hand of the 
 divine artificer has been employed, from the 
 golden glory of a sunset cloud, to the gossa- 
 mer thread on which are strung the pearls of 
 morning dew. 
 
 Now, let me ask whether a mind, habitually 
 engaged in the contemplation of subjects such 
 as these, would be likely to be diverted from 
 its noble but natural exercise, by vulgar cal- 
 culations upon the comparative beauty of a 
 face? No. It would be perfectly aware, 
 where such beauty did exist ; but it would 
 also be impressed with the important fact, 
 that in relation to the wondrous and magnifi- 
 cent whole, its own share of beauty consti- 
 tuted so small a part, as scarcely to be worthy 
 of a passing thought. 
 
 Those who are accustomed to enlightened 
 views on this subject, will know also that 
 there are different kinds of personal beauty, 
 among which, that of form and coloring holds 
 a very inferior rank. There is a beauty of 
 expression, for instance, of sweetness, of no- 
 bility, of intellectual refinement, of feeling, of 
 animation, of meekness, of resignation, and 
 many other kinds of beauty, which may all 
 be allied to the plainest features, and yet may 
 remain, to give pleasure long after the bloom- 
 ing cheek has faded, and silver gray has 
 mingled with the hair. And how far more 
 powerful in their influence upon others, are 
 some of these kinds of beauty ! for, after all, 
 beauty depends more upon the movements 
 of the face, than upon the form of the features, 
 when at rest ; and thus, a countenance habit- 
 ually under the influence of amiable feelings 
 acquires a beauty of the highest order, from 
 the frequency with which such feelings are 
 the originating cause of the movements or 
 expressions which stamp their character 
 upon it 
 
 Who has not waited for the first opening 
 of the lips of a celebrated belle, to see whether 
 her claims would be supported by 
 
 " The mind, the music breathing from her face ;" 
 
 and who has not occasionally turned away 
 repelled by the utter blank, or worse than 
 blank, which the simple movement of the 
 
 mouth, in speaking, or smiling, has re- 
 vealed? 
 
 The language of poetry describes the loud 
 laugh as indicative of the vulgar mind ; and 
 certainly there are expressions, conveyed 
 even through the medium of a smile, which 
 need not Lavater to inform us that refine- 
 ment of feeling, or elevation of soul, have 
 little to do with the fair countenance on which 
 they are impressed. On the other hand, 
 there are plain women sometimes met with 
 in society, every movement of whose features 
 is instinct with intelligence; who, from the 
 genuine heart-warm' smiles which play about 
 the mouth, the sweetly modulated voice, and 
 the lighting up of an eye that looks as if it 
 could "comprehend the universe," become 
 perfectly beautiful to those who understand 
 them, and still more so to those who live with 
 them, and love them. Before such preten- 
 sins to beauty as these, how soon do the 
 pink and white of a merely pretty face vanish 
 into nothing ! 
 
 Yet, if the beauty of expression should be 
 less popular among women, from the circum- 
 stance of its being less admired by men than 
 that of mere form and complexion, they do 
 well in this, as in every other disputed ques- 
 tion of ultimate good, to look to the end. Men 
 have been found whose admiration of beauty 
 was so great, that they have actually married 
 for that alone, content, for its sake, to dis- 
 pense with the presence of mind. And what 
 has been the end to them, or rather to the 
 luckless beings whose misfortune it was to 
 be the objects of their choice ? A neglected 
 and degraded lot, embittered by the fretful- 
 ness of disappointment on the part of their 
 husbands ; while, on the other hand, women, 
 whose attractions have been of a more intel- 
 lectual nature, have maintained their hold upon 
 the affections of their companions, through 
 life, even to the unlovely season of old age. 
 
 But, in addition to the insufficiency of 
 mere beauty, there is another cause why 
 men are so frequently disappointed in select- 
 ing merely pretty wives. They have a 
 habit of supposing that if a woman is pretty, 
 and not very clever, she must be amiable.
 
 BEAUTY, HEALTH, AND TEMPER. 
 
 59 
 
 Yet, how often do we find that the most 
 wayward temper, the most capricious will, 
 and beyond all calculation the most provok- 
 ing habits, are connected with a weak and 
 unenlightened mind. And added to all this, 
 there is the false position the young beauty 
 has held in society, the flattery to which she 
 has been exposed, the dominion she has 
 been permitted to assert, the triumph she has 
 been accustomed to feel over others, the 
 strength her inclinations from constant in- 
 dulgence have attained all these have to be 
 contended with, in addition to the incapacity 
 of her imbecile and undisciplined mind ; and 
 surely of this catalogue of evils, any one 
 might be sufficient to counterbalance the 
 advantages of mere personal beauty in a 
 companion for life a campanion who is to 
 tread with her husband the rough road of 
 experience, and whose influence upon his 
 character and feelings will not end on this 
 side the grave. 
 
 Let us, however, not think hardly of the 
 feeble-minded beauty, simply as such. She 
 is as little to be blamed for the natural imbe- 
 cility of her mental powers, as to be com- 
 mended for her personal charms. Both are 
 to her the appointments of a wise Provi- 
 dence ; but as both combined are means of 
 exposing her to evils for which she is really 
 to be pitied, so she ought to be kindly pro- 
 tected from the dangers to which she is ex- 
 posed ; and since she possesses not in her- 
 self sufficient perception to know, that in 
 consequence of her beauty she is made to 
 occupy a false position in society, from which 
 she will assuredly have to descend, it be- 
 comes the duty of all who have her happi- 
 ness at heart, to warn her, that in her inter- 
 course with the world, she must not look for 
 a sincere and disinterested friend in man. 
 
 I am far from asserting that there are not 
 instances of noble and generous-hearted 
 men, who know how to be the friend of wo- 
 man, and the protector of her true interests ; 
 yet, such is the general tone of social inter- 
 course, that these instances are lamentably 
 rare. 
 
 The most objectionable part, however, of 
 
 what I would call the minor morals of social 
 life, as regards the subject of female beauty, 
 has not yet been alluded to. Man is sincere 
 in one sense, in his admiration of real beauty 
 while it lasts; and if when the ruling star 
 begins to wane, he suns himself in the rays 
 of another luminary, he is still faithful to 
 beauty as the object of his worship, though 
 the supposed divinity may be invested in a 
 different shrine. If, then, his professions of 
 admiration were offered only to the really 
 beautiful, scarcely one woman in a hundred 
 would be injured by the personal flattery of 
 man. But, unfortunately, that large propor- 
 tion of the female sex, who are not exactly 
 pretty, nor altogether plain, are exposed to 
 the same system of flattery, for charms which 
 they really do not possess. I have often 
 wondered whether there ever was a woman 
 so destitute of personal attractions, that no 
 man, at some time or other of her life, had ever 
 told her she was beautiful ; and it is a well- 
 known fact, that the more we doubt our pos- 
 session of any particular attraction, the more 
 agreeable is every assurance from others 
 that such attraction does exist. 
 
 Thus there is an endless train of mischief 
 let in upon the minds of the young and inex- 
 perienced, by what men are accustomed to 
 regard in the light of harmless pleasantry, or 
 as an almost necessary embellishment to 
 polished manners. It may be said that the 
 plain woman has her glass, to which she can 
 refer for never-failing truth. It is true, she 
 has ; but there is a vast difference between 
 looking for what we do not wish to see, and for 
 what we do. Besides which, when a young 
 plain woman first mixes in society, she sees 
 the high distinction which mere beauty ob- 
 tains for its possessor, and she finds herself 
 comparatively neglected and forgotten. In 
 her home she is doubtless valued in propor- 
 tion to her merits ; but in company, what 
 avail the kind and generous heart which 
 beats within her bosom, the bright intelligence 
 of her mind, the cordial response she would 
 offer in return for kindness, the gratitude, 
 the generous feeling which animate her soul? 
 Who, in all that busy circle, cares to call forth'
 
 60 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 any of these 1 Nay, so little do all or any of 
 them avail her in society, that she begins in 
 time to suspect she is personally repulsive ; 
 and what woman of sensitive or delicate 
 feelings ever conceived this idea of herself, 
 without experiencing, along with it, a strange 
 sense of loneliness and destitution, as if ex- 
 cluded from the fellowship of social kindness 
 --shut out from the pale of the lovely, and the 
 beloved ? If, then, the treacherous voice of 
 man but whispers in her ear, that these hard 
 thoughts about herself have no foundation, 
 who can wonder if she is found too ready to 
 " lay the flattering unction" to her heart ? or 
 who can wonder if the equanimity of her 
 mind becomes disturbed by a recurrence of 
 those painful doubts, occasionally to be dis- 
 pelled by a recurrence of that flattery too ? 
 
 To young women thus circumstanced, I 
 would affectionately say Beware ! Beware 
 of the unquiet thoughts, the disappointment, 
 the rivalry, the vain competition, the fruitless 
 decoration, and all that train of evils which 
 ensue from vacillating between the two ex- 
 tremes of flattering hopes and mortified am- 
 bition. Go home, then, and consult your 
 mirrror ; no falsehood will be there. Go 
 home, and find, as you have often done be- 
 fore, that even without beauty, you can make 
 the fireside circle happy there ; nor deem 
 your lot a hard one. From many dangers 
 attendant upon beauty you are safe, from 
 many sorrows you are exempt ; above all, 
 should you become a wife, from that which 
 is, perhaps, the greatest calamity in woman's 
 history, the loss of her husband's love, be- 
 cause the charms for which alone he valued 
 her, have vanished. This never can be your 
 experience, and so far you are blest. 
 
 If personal beauty be so great a good as 
 men persuade us it is, how important does it 
 become to know that there is no certain way 
 of preserving this treasure but by a strict 
 regard to health ! We hear of the beauty 
 of extreme delicacy, of the beauty of a slight 
 hectic, and sometimes of the beauty of con- 
 stitutional debility and languor, but who ever 
 ventured to speak of the beauty of disease 1 
 And yet, all these, if not treated judiciously, 
 
 or checked in time, will infallibly become 
 disease. On the other hand, we hear of vul- 
 gar health, of an unlady-like bloom, and of 
 too much strength, giving an air of indepen- 
 dence unbecoming to the female character. 
 Sincerely wishing that all who hold these 
 sentiments may make the best use of the ad- 
 vantages of illness, when it does fall to their 
 lot, we will pass on to consider the advan- 
 tages of health as one of the greatest of 
 earthly blessings. 
 
 Perfect health was the portion of our first 
 parents while Paradise was yet untrodden, 
 save by the steps of sinless men and angels. 
 Since that time, it has become rarely the ex- 
 perience of any of the human family to be 
 altogether exempt from disease ; yet, so much 
 are the sufferings of illness mitigated by the 
 skill of modern science, and the comforts of 
 civilized life, that a slight degree of bodily in- 
 disposition is looked upon as an evil scarcely 
 worth the pains which any systematic means 
 of remedy would require. 
 
 It is only when health is lost, and lost be- 
 yond the hope of regaining it, that we be- 
 come sensible of its real value. It is then 
 we tax the ingenuity of the physician, and 
 the patience of the nurse, to bring us back, 
 if only so near as to stand upon the verge of 
 that region of happiness from which we are 
 expelled. It is then we see the folly of those 
 who play upon the brink of the precipice 
 which separates this beautiful and blessed 
 region from the troubled waters below. It is 
 then we resign our wealth, our friends, our 
 country, and our home, in the hope of pur- 
 chasing this treasure. It is then we feel that, 
 although, when in the possession of health, 
 we neglected many opportunities of kindness, 
 benevolence, and general usefulness, yet 
 when deprived of this blessing, we would 
 kneel at the footstool of mercy, to ask those 
 opportunities again, in order that we may 
 use them better. 
 
 In early youth, however, little of this 
 knowledge can be experimentally acquired. 
 Little does the pampered child of fond and 
 indulgent parents know what illness is to the 
 poor and the destitute ; or what it may be to |
 
 BEAUTY, HEALTH, AND TEMPER. 
 
 61 
 
 her when her mother's hand is cold and help- 
 less in the tomb, and when her own head is 
 no longer sheltered by a father's roo Thus 
 we find young girls so often practising a cer- 
 tain kind of recklessness, and contempt of 
 health, nay, even encouraging, I will not 
 say affecting, a degree of delicacy, feebleness, 
 and liability to bodily ailments, which, if they 
 were not accustomed to the kindest atten- 
 tions, would be the last calamity they would 
 wish to bring upon themselves. How im- 
 portant is it for such individuals to remem- 
 ber, that the constitution of the body, as well 
 as that of the mind, is, in a good degree, of 
 their own forming ; that the season of youth 
 is the time when the seeds of disease are 
 most generally sown and that no one thus 
 circumstanced, can suffer a loss of health 
 without inflicting the penalty of anxious so- 
 licitude, and, frequently, of unremitting per- 
 sonal exertion, upon those by whom she is 
 surrounded, or beloved ! 
 
 Fanciful and ill-disciplined young women 
 are apt to think it gives them an attractive 
 air, and looks like an absence of selfishness, 
 to be jndifferent about the preservation of 
 their health ; and thus they indulge the most 
 absurd capriciousness with respect to their 
 diet, sometimes refusing altogether to eat at 
 proper times, and eating most improperly ; 
 at others, running about upon wet grass with 
 thin shoes, as if they really wished to take 
 cold, making no difference between their 
 summer and their winter clothing, or casting 
 off a warm dress for an evening party ; re- 
 fusing to take medicine when necessary, or 
 taking it unsanctioned by their parents, or 
 their best advisers ; all these they appear to 
 consider as most engaging features in the fe- 
 male character. But there are those who 
 could tell them such conduct is, in reality, the 
 most consummate selfishness, because it in- 
 evitably produces the effect of making them 
 the objects of much necessary attention, and 
 of inflicting an endless catalogue of troubles 
 and anxieties upon their friends. Ho\v soon 
 does the stern discipline of life inflict its own 
 punishment for this folly ! but, unfortunately, 
 not soon enough, in all instances, to stop the 
 
 progress of the host of maladies which are 
 thus produced. 
 
 Let it not for a moment be supposed, that 
 I would recommend to young women over- 
 solicitude on the score of health ; for I be- 
 lieve nothing is more likely than this to in- 
 duce real or fancied indisposition. Neither 
 would I presume to interfere with the proper 
 province of the physician ; yet am I strongly 
 disposed to think, that if the rules 1 am 
 about to lay down were faithfully adhered to, 
 that worthy and important personage would 
 much less frequently be found beside the 
 couch where the bloom of youthful beauty 
 wastes away. 
 
 My first rule is, to let one hour every day, 
 generally two, and sometimes three, be spent 
 in taking exercise in the open air, either on 
 horseback, or on foot Let no weather pre- 
 vent this ; for, with strong bpots, waterproof 
 cloak, and umbrella, there are few situations 
 where an hour's walk, at some time or other 
 of the day, may not be accomplished ; and 
 when, the air is damp, there is sometimes 
 more need for exercise, than when it is dry. 
 I am perfectly aware of the unpleasantness 
 of all this, unless when regarded as a duty ; 
 I am aware, too, that where the health is 
 good, it appears, at times, a work of superer- 
 ogation ; but I am aware, also, of the differ- 
 ence there is in the state both of mind and 
 body, between sitting in the house, or by the 
 fire all day, and taking, during some part of 
 it, a brisk and healthy walk. 
 
 How often have I seen a restless, weary, 
 discontented being, moving from chair to 
 chair, finding comfort in none, and tired of 
 every employment ; with contracted and un- 
 easy brow, complexion dry and gray, and 
 eyes that looked as if their very vision was 
 scorched up j how often have I seen such a 
 being come in from a winter's walk, with the 
 countenance of a perfect Hebe, with the en- 
 ergy of an invigorated mind beaming forth 
 from eyes as beautiful as clear, and with 
 the benevolence of a young warm heart re- 
 flected in the dimpling freshness of a sunny 
 smile ! How pleasant is it then to resume 
 the half-finished work how refreshing the
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 social meal how inviting the seat beside the 
 glowing hearth how frank and free the in- 
 tercourse with those who form the circle 
 there ! And if such be the effect of one sin- 
 gle walk, how beneficial must be that of ha- 
 bitual exercise, upon the condition both of 
 mind and body ! 
 
 Were it possible for human calculation to 
 sum up all the evils resulting from want of 
 'exercise, the patalogue would be too appal- 
 ling. All those disorders which in common 
 parlance, and for want of a more definite and 
 scientific name, are called bilious, (and, truly, 
 their name is legion,) are mainly to be attrib- 
 uted to this cause. All headaches, want 
 of appetite, pains under the shoulders, side- 
 ache, cold feet, and irregular circulation, pro- 
 vided there is no positive disease, might, in 
 time, be remedied by systematic attention to 
 exercise. Of its effect upon the temper, and 
 the general tone of the mind, we have yet to 
 speak ; but certain I am, that no actual ca- 
 lamity inflicted upon woman, ever brought 
 with it more severe or extended sufferings, 
 than those which result from the habitual 
 neglect of exercise. 
 
 My next rule is, to retire early to rest 
 Wherever I meet with a pale, melancholy 
 young woman, highly nervous, easily excited, 
 unequal in her temper ; in the early part of 
 the day languid, listless, discontented, and fit 
 for nothing, but when evening comes on, 
 disposed for conversation, brisk and lively ; 
 I feel morally certain, that such a one is in 
 the habit of sitting up late perhaps of 
 making herself extremely interesting to her 
 friends beside the midnight fire ; but I know, 
 also, that such a one is eminently in danger 
 of having recourse to stimulants to keep up 
 the activity of her mind ; and that during 
 more than half her life during the morning, 
 that most valuable portion of every day 
 she is of Kttle value to society; and well will it 
 be for her friends and near connections, if her 
 listlessness and discontent do not render her 
 companionship worse than valueless to them. 
 My next rule is to eat regularly, so far as 
 it can be done conveniently to others at 
 regular times, and in regular quantities ; and 
 
 this I believe to be of more consequence than 
 to be very particular about the nature of the 
 food partaken ofj provided only it is simple 
 and nutritious. I know that with a sickly 
 appetite, or where the constitution is under 
 the influence of disease, it is impossible to do 
 this ; but much may be done while in a state 
 of health, by striving against that capricious 
 abstinence from food, especially in the early 
 part of the day, which by certain individuals 
 is thought rather lady-like and becoming. I 
 doubt not but this may be the case, so far as 
 it is becoming to look pale, and lady-like to 
 be the object of attention to be pleaded with 
 by kind friends, and pitied by strangers ; but 
 the wisdom and the utility of this system is 
 what I am not the less disposed to call in 
 question. 
 
 It is a great evil in society, that the neces- 
 sary act of eating is looked upon too much 
 as a luxury and an indulgence. If we re- 
 garded it more as a simple act, the frequent 
 recurrence of which was rendered necessary 
 by the absolute wants of the body, we should 
 be more disposed to consider the proper reg- 
 ulation of this act, as a duty within our 
 power to neglect or attend to. We should 
 consequently think little of each particular 
 portion of food set before us, and the busi- 
 ness of eating would then be despatched as 
 a regular habit, attention to which could 
 afford no very high degree of excitement or 
 felicity, while at the same time it could not 
 be neglected without serious injury. 
 
 My next rule is, to dress according to the 
 season ; a rule so simple and so obvious in 
 its relation to health, as to need no comment 
 
 Thus far my remarks have applied only 
 to the subject of health, where it is enjoyed. 
 The loss of health is a theme of far deeper 
 interest, as it separates us from many of the 
 enjoyments of this world, and brings us 
 nearer to the borders of the world which is 
 to come. 
 
 It is a remarkable feature in connection 
 with the constitution of woman, that she is 
 capable of enduring, with patience and forti- 
 tude, far beyond that of the stronger sex, al- 
 most every degree of bodily suffering. It is
 
 BEAUTY, HEALTH, AND TEMPER. 
 
 63 
 
 true, that she is more accustomed to such 
 suffering than man ; it is true alsx> that a 
 slight degree of indisposition makes less dif- 
 ference in her amusements and occupations 
 than in his. Still there is a strength and 
 a beauty in her character, when laboring un- 
 der bodily affliction, of which the heroism 
 of fiction affords but a feeble imitation. 
 Wherever woman is the most flattered, 
 courted, and indulged, she is the least ad- 
 mirable ; but in seasons of trial her highest 
 excellences shine forth ; and how encourag- 
 ing is the reflection to the occupant of a sick- 
 chamber, that while the busy circles, in which 
 she was wont to move, close up her vacant 
 place, and pursue their cheerful rounds as 
 gaily as when she was there that while ex- 
 cluded from participation in the merry laugh, 
 the social meeting, and the cordial inter- 
 course of former friends, she is not excluded 
 from more intimate communion with those 
 who still remain ; that she can still exercise 
 a moral and religious influence over them, 
 and deepen the impression of her affectionate 
 and earnest counsel, by exhibiting the Chris- 
 tian graces of patience under suffering, and 
 resignation to the will of God. 
 
 Yes, there are many enjoyments in the 
 chamber of sickness enjoyments derived 
 from the absence of temptation, from proofs 
 of disinterested affection, and from the un- 
 speakable privilege of having the vanity of 
 earthly things, and the realities of the eternal 
 world, brought near, and kept continually in 
 view. How are we then made acquainted 
 with the hollowness of mere profession ! 
 How much that appeared to us plausible 
 and attractive when we mingled in society, 
 is now stripped of its false coloring, and 
 rendered repulsive and odious ! while, on 
 the other hand, how much that was lightly 
 esteemed by the world in which we moved, 
 is discovered to be worthy of our admi- 
 ration and esteem ! How much of human 
 love, where we most calculated upon finding 
 it, has escaped from our hold ! but then, 
 how much is left to succor and console us, 
 from those upon whose kindness we feel to 
 have but little claim ! 
 
 Experience is often said to be the only 
 true teacher ; but illness often crowds an age 
 of experience into the compass of a few sh^rt 
 days. Often while engaged in the active 
 avocations of life, involved in its contending 
 interests, and led captive by its allurements, 
 we wish in vain that a just balance could be 
 maintained between the value of the things 
 of time and of eternity. It is the greatest 
 privilege of illness, that, if rightly regarded, 
 it adjusts this balance, and keeps it true. 
 From the bed of sichfess, we look back upon 
 the business, which, a short time ago, ab- 
 sorbed our very being. What is it then? 
 A mere struggle for the food and clothing of 
 a body about to mingle with the dust We 
 look back at the pleasures we have left. 
 What are they 7 The sport of truant chil- 
 dren, when they should have been learning 
 to be wise and good. We look back upon 
 the objects which engaged our affections. 
 How is it] Have the stars all vanished 
 from, our heaven? Have the flowers all 
 faded from our earth ? How can it be ? 
 Alas ! our affections have been misplaced. 
 We have not loved supremely only what 
 was lovely in the sight of God : and merci- 
 ful, most merciful is the warning voice, not 
 yet too late, to tell us that He who formed 
 the human heart, has an unquestionable 
 right to claim his own. 
 
 I am not one of those who would speak of 
 religion as especially calculated for the cham- 
 ber of sickness, and the bed of death ; be- 
 cause I believe it is equally important to 
 choose religion as our portion in illness, as 
 in health in the bloom of youth, as on the 
 border of the grave. I believe also, that in 
 reality, that being is in as awful a condition, 
 who lives on from day to day in the possess- 
 ion of all temporal blessings, without religion, 
 as he who pines upon a bed of suffering, 
 without it But if the necessity of religion 
 be the same, its consolations are far more 
 powerfully felt, when deprived by sickness of 
 every other stay ; and often do the darkened 
 chamber, and the weary couch, display such 
 evidence of the power and the condescen- 
 sion of Divine love, that even the stranger
 
 64 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 acknowledges it is better to go the house of 
 mourning than of feasting. 
 
 It is when the feeble step has trod for the 
 last time upon nature's verdant carpet, when 
 the dim eye has looked its last upon the 
 green earth and sunny sky, when the weary 
 body has almost ached and pined its last, 
 when human skill can do no more, and kind- 
 ness has offered its last relief it is then, that 
 we see the perfect adaptation of the promises 
 of the gospel to feeble nature's utmost need ; 
 and while we contemplate the depths of the 
 Redeemer's love, and hear in anticipation the 
 welcome of angels to the pardoned sinner, 
 and see upon his faded lips the smile of ever- 
 lasting peace, we look from that solemn 
 scene once more into the world, and wonder 
 at the madness and the folly of its infatuated 
 slaves. 
 
 All these are privileges, if only to feel them 
 as a mere spectator ; and never ought such 
 scenes to be avoided on account of the pain- 
 ful sympathy which the sight of human suf- 
 fering naturally occasions. Young people 
 are apt to think it is not their business to 
 wait upon the sick, that their seniors are bet- 
 ter fitted for such service, that they shall 
 make some serious mistake, or create some 
 inconvenience by their want of knowledge ; 
 or at all events, they hold themselves ex- 
 cused. Yet is there many a sweet young 
 girl, who, in consequence of family affliction, 
 becomes initiated in these deep mysteries of 
 Christian charity, before he% willing step has 
 lost the playful elasticity of childhood ; and 
 never did th'e maturer virtues of the female 
 character appear less lovely from such pre- 
 cocious exercise. I should rather say, there 
 was a tenderness of feeling, and a power of 
 sympathy derived from early acquaintance 
 with human suffering, which remains with 
 woman till the end of life, and constitutes 
 alike the charm of youth and the attraction 
 of old age. 
 
 I have dwelt long upon the privileges of 
 illness, both to the sufferer and her friends, 
 because I believe that all which is noble, and 
 sweet, and patient, and disinterested in wo- 
 man's nature, is often thus called forth ; as 
 
 well as all that is most encouraging in the 
 exemplification of the Christian character. 
 But I rriust again advert to 
 
 41 Woman in our hours of ease ;" 
 
 and here I am sorry to say, we sometimes 
 find a fretfulness and petulance under the in- 
 fliction of slight bodily ailments, which are as 
 much at variance with the moral dignity of 
 woman, as opposed to her religious influence. 
 The root of the evil, however, lies not so oft- 
 en in her impatience, as in a deeper secret 
 of her nature. It lies most frequently in what 
 I am compelled to acknowledge as the beset- 
 ting sin of woman her desire to be an ob- 
 ject of attention. From this desire, how 
 many little coughs, slight headaches, sud- 
 den pains, attacks of faintness, and symp- 
 toms of feebleness are complained of, which, 
 if alone, or in the company of those whose 
 attentions are not agreeable, would scarcely 
 occupy a thought. Yet it is astonishing how 
 such habits gain ground, and remain with 
 those who have indulged them in youth, 
 long after such complaints have ceased to 
 call forth a single kind attention, or to en- 
 gage a single patient ear. 
 
 Youth is the only time to prevent this habit 
 fixing itself upon the character ; and it might 
 be a wholesome truth for all '.vomen to bear 
 in mind, that although politeness may some- 
 times compel their friends to appear to listen, 
 nothing is really so wearisome to others, as fre- 
 quent and detailed accounts of our own little ail- 
 ments. It is good, therefore, whenever temp- 
 tations arise to make these trifling grievances 
 the subject of complaint, to think of the poor, 
 and the really afflicted. It is good to visit 
 them also, so far as it may be suitable in 
 their seasons of trial, in order that we may 
 go home, ashamed before our families, and 
 ashamed in the sight of God, that our com- 
 paratively slight trials should excite a single 
 murmuring thought 
 
 Besides, if there were no other check upon 
 these habitual complainers, surely the cheer- 
 fulness of home might have some effect ; for 
 who can be happy seated beside a compan- 
 ion who is always in "excruciating pain," or
 
 BEAUTY, HEALTH, AND TEMPER. 
 
 65 
 
 who fancies herself so 1 There are, besides, 
 many alleviations to temporary suffering, 
 which it is not only lawful, but expedient 
 to adopt. Many interesting books may be 
 read, many pleasant kinds of work may be 
 done, during a season of slight indisposition ; 
 while on the other hand, every little pain is 
 made worse by dwelling upon it, and especial- 
 ly by doing nothing else. 
 
 The next consideration which occurs in 
 connection with these views of health, is that 
 of temper ; and few young persons, I believe, 
 are aware how much the one is dependent 
 upon the other. Want of exercise, indiges- 
 tion, and many other causes originating in 
 the state of the bod)", have a powerful effect 
 in destroying the sweetness of the temper ; 
 while habitual exercise, regular diet, and oc- 
 casional change of air, are among the most 
 certain means of restoring the temper from 
 any temporary derangement 
 
 Still, there are constitutional tendencies of 
 mind, as well as body, which seriously affect 
 the temper, and which remain with us to the 
 end of life, as our blessing or our bane ; just 
 in proportion as they are overruled by our 
 own watchfulness and care, operating in 
 connection with the work of religion in the 
 heart. 
 
 It would require volumes, rather than 
 pages, to give any distinct analysis of tem- 
 per, so various are the characteristics it as- 
 sumes, so vast its influence upon social and 
 domestic happiness. We will, therefore, in 
 the present instance, confine our attention to 
 a few important facts, in connection with this 
 subject, which it is of the utmost consequence 
 that the young should bear in mind. 
 
 In the first place, ill-temper should always 
 be regarded as a disease, both in ourselves 
 and others ; and as such, instead of either 
 irritating or increasing it, we should rather 
 endeavor to subdue the symptoms of the 
 disease by the most careful and unremitting 
 efforts. A bad temper, although the most 
 pitiable of all infirmities, from the misery it 
 entails upon its possessor, is almost invaria- 
 bly opposed by harshness, severity, or con- 
 tempt. It is true, that all symptoms of dis- 
 
 ease exhibited by a bad temper, have a strong 
 tendency to call forth the same in ourselves ; 
 but this arises in great measure from not 
 looking at the case as it really is. If a friend 
 or a relative, for instance, is afflicted with the 
 gout, how carefully do we walk past his foot- 
 stool, how tenderly do we remove every thing 
 which can increase his pain, how softly do 
 we touch the affected part ! And why should 
 we not exercise the same kind feeling towards 
 a brother or a sister afflicted with a bad tem- 
 per, which of all human maladies is unques- 
 tionably the greatest 1 
 
 I know it is difficult nay, almost impossi- 
 ble, to practise this forbearance towards a 
 bad temper, when not allied to a generous 
 heart when no atonement is afterwards of- 
 fered for the pain which has been given, and 
 when no evidence exists of the offender be- 
 ing so much as conscious of deserving blame. 
 But when concession is made, when tears of 
 penitence are wept, and when, in moments 
 of returning confidence, that luckless tenden- 
 cy of temper is candidly confessed, and sin- 
 cerely bewailed ; when all the different acts 
 committed under its influence, are acknow- 
 ledged to have been wrong, how complete 
 ought to be the reconciliation thus begun, and 
 how zealous our endeavors for the future to 
 avert the consequences of this sad calamity ! 
 Indeed, if those who are not equally tempted 
 to the sins of temper, and who think and 
 speak harshly of us for such transgressions, 
 could know the agony they entail upon those 
 who commit them the yearning of an affec- 
 tionate heart towards a friend thus estranged 
 the humiliation of a proud spirit after hav- 
 ing thus exposed its weakness the bitter re- 
 flection, that not one of all those burning words 
 we uttered can ever be recalled that they 
 have eaten like a canker into some old at- 
 tachment, and stamped with ingratitude the 
 aching brotf, whose fever is already almost 
 more than it can bear ; oh ! could our calm- 
 tempered friends become acquainted with all 
 this with the tears and the prayers to which 
 the overburdened soul gives vent, when no 
 eye seeth its affliction, surely they would pity 
 our infirmity ; and not only pity, but assist
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 These, however, are among the deep things 
 of human experience, never to be clearly re- 
 vealed, or fully understood, until that day 
 when the secrets of all hearts shall be laid 
 open. It is perhaps more to our present pur- 
 pose, to consider what is the effect upon oth- 
 ers, of encouraging wrong tempers in our- 
 selves. Young people are apt to think what 
 they do, of little importance, because they 
 are perhaps the youngest in, the family, or at 
 least too young to have any influence. They 
 should remember that no one is too young to 
 be disagreeable, nor too insignificant to an- 
 noy. A fretful child may disturb the peace 
 of a whole household, and an ill-tempered 
 young woman carries about with her an at- 
 mosphere of repulsion wherever she goes. 
 The moment she enters a room, where a so- 
 cial circle are enjoying themselves, conversa- 
 tion either ceases or drags on heavily, as if a 
 stranger or an enemy were near ; and kindly 
 thoughts, which the moment before would 
 have found frank and free expression, are 
 suppressed, from the instinctive feeling that 
 she can take no part in them. Each one of 
 the company, in short, feels the worse for her 
 presence, a sense of contraction seizes every 
 heart, a cloud falls upon every countenance ; 
 and so powerful are the sympathies of our 
 nature, and so rapidly does that which is evil 
 extend its contaminating influence, that all 
 this will sometimes be experienced, when not 
 a word has been spoken by the victim of ill- 
 temper. 
 
 It is easy to perceive when most young 
 women are out of temper, even without the 
 interchange of words. The pouting lip, the 
 door shut with violence, the thread suddenly 
 snapped, the work twitched aside or thrown 
 down, are indications of the real state of the 
 mind, at least as unwise, as they are unlove- 
 ly. Others who are not guilty of these ab- 
 surdities, will render themselves still more 
 annoying, by a captiousness of conduct, most 
 difficult to bear with any moderate degree of 
 patience ; by conversing only upon humilia- 
 ting or unpleasant subject?, complaining in- 
 cessantly about grievances which all have 
 equally to bear, prolonging disputes about the 
 
 merest trifles beyond all bounds of reason and 
 propriety ; and by finally concluding with a 
 direct reproach for some offence which had 
 far better have been spoken of candidly at 
 first. 
 
 But there would be no end to the task of 
 tracing out the symptoms of this malady. 
 Suffice it that a naturally bad temper, or even 
 a moderate one badly disciplined, is the great- 
 est enemy to the happiness of a family which 
 can be admitted beneath any respectable roof 
 the greatest hindrance to social intercourse 
 the most fatal barrier against moral and 
 religious improvement 
 
 Like all other evils incident to man, a bad 
 temper, if long encouraged, and thoroughly 
 rooted in the constitution, becomes in time 
 impossible to be eradicated. In youth it is 
 comparatively easy to stem the rising tide of 
 sullenness, petulance, or passion; but when 
 the tide has been allowed to gain ground so 
 as to break down every barrier, until its des- 
 olating waters habitually overflow the soul, 
 no human power can drive them back, or 
 restore the beauty, freshness, and fertility 
 which once existed there. 
 
 No longer, then, let inexperienced youth 
 believe this tide of evil can be stayed at will. 
 The maniac may say, "I am now calm, I 
 will injure you no more :" yet, the frenzied 
 fit will come to-morrow, when he will turn 
 again and rend you. In the same way, the 
 victim of ungoverned temper may even beg 
 forgiveness for the past, and promise, with 
 the best intentions, to offend no more ; but 
 how shall a daughter in her mood of kind- 
 ness heal the wound her temper has inflicted 
 on a mother's heart, or convince her parent 
 it will be the last 1 How shall the woman, 
 whose temper has made desolate her house- 
 hold hearth, win back the peace and con- 
 fidence she has destroyed 1 How shall the 
 wife, though she would give all her brida 
 jewels for that purpose, restore the links her 
 temper has rudely snapped asunder in the 
 chain of conjugal affection 1 
 
 No, there are no other means than those 
 adopted and pursued in youth, by which to 
 overcome this foe to temporal and eterna
 
 BEAUTY, HEALTH, AND TEMPER. 
 
 67 
 
 happiness. Nor let the task appear too diffi- 
 cult. There is one curious fact in connection 
 with the subject, which it may be encourag- 
 ing to my young friends to remember. Stran- 
 gers never provoke us at least, not in any 
 degree proportionate to the provocations of 
 our near and familiar connections. They 
 may annoy us by their folly, or stay too long 
 when they call, or call at inconvenient times ; 
 but how sweetly do we smile at all their re- 
 marks, how patiently do we bear all their al- 
 lusions, compared with those of our family 
 circle ! The fact is, they have less power 
 over us, and for this reason, because they 
 do not know us so well. Half the provoca- 
 tions we experience from common conver- 
 sation, and more than half the point of every 
 bitter taunt, arise out of some intended or 
 imagined allusion to what has been known 
 or supposed of us before. If a parent speaks 
 harshly to us in years of maturity, we think 
 he assumes too much the authority which 
 governed our childhood ; if a brother would 
 correct our folly, we are piqued and morti- 
 fied to think how often he must have seen it ; 
 if a sister blames us for any trifling error, we 
 know what her condemnation of our whole 
 conduct must be, if all our faults are blamed 
 in the same proportion. Thus it is that our 
 near connections have a hold upon us, which 
 strangers cannot have ; for, besides the cases 
 in which the offence is merely imagined, there 
 are but too many in which past folly or trans- 
 gression is made the subject of present re- 
 proach. And thus the evil grows, as year 
 after year is added to the catalogue of the 
 past, until our nearest connections have 
 need of the utmost forbearance to avoid 
 touching upon any tender or forbidden 
 point. 
 
 Now, it is evident that youth must be com- 
 paratively exempt from this real or imagina- 
 ry source of pain ; just in proportion as the 
 past is of less importance to them, and as 
 fewer allusions can be made to the follies or 
 the errors of their former lives. Thus the 
 season of youth has greatly the advantage 
 over that of maturer age, in cultivating that 
 evenness of temper which enables its pos- 
 
 sessor to pass pleasantly along the stream of 
 life, without unnecessarily ruffling its own 
 course, or that of others. 
 
 The next point we have to take into ac- 
 count in the right government of temper, is 
 the important truth, that habitual cheerful- 
 ness is a duty we owe to our friends and to 
 society. We all have our little troubles, if 
 we choose to brood over them, and even 
 youth is not exempt ; but the habit is easily 
 acquired of setting them aside for the sake 
 of others, of evincing a willingness to join in 
 general conversation, to smile at what is gen- 
 erally entertaining, and even to seek out sub- 
 jects for remark which are likely to interest 
 and please. We have no more right to in- 
 flict our moodiness upon our friends, than 
 we have to wear in their presence our soiled 
 or cast-off clothes ; and, certainly, the latter 
 is the least insulting and disgraceful of the 
 two. 
 
 A cheerful temper not occasionally, but 
 habitually cheerful is a quality which no 
 wise man would be willing to dispense with 
 in choosing a wife. It is like a good fire in 
 winter, diffusive and genial in its influence, 
 and always approached with a confidence 
 that it will comfort, and do us good. Atten- 
 tion to health is one great means of main- 
 taining this excellence unimpaired, and atten- 
 tion to household affairs is another. The 
 state of body which women call bilious, is 
 most inimical to habitual cheerfulness ; and 
 that which girls call having nothing to do, 
 but which I should call idleness, is equally 
 so. In a former part of this chapter, I have 
 strongly recommended exercise as the first 
 rule for preserving health ; but there is an 
 exercise in domestic usefulness, which, with- 
 out superseding that in the open air, is high- 
 ly beneficial to the health, both of mind and 
 body, inasmuch as it adds to other benefits, 
 the happiest of all sensations, that of hav- 
 ing rendered some assistance, or done some 
 good. 
 
 How the daughters of England those who 
 have but few servants, or, perhaps, only one 
 can sit in their fathers' homes with folded 
 hands, when any great domestic movement j
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 is going on, and not endeavor to assist, is a 
 mystery I have tried in vain to solve ; espe- 
 cially when, by so doing, they become habit- 
 ually listless, weary, and unhappy ; and 
 when, on the other hand, the prompt and 
 willingidomestic assistant is almost invaria- 
 bly distinguished by the characteristics of 
 energy and cheerfulness. Let me entreat my 
 young readers, if they ever feel a tendency 
 to causeless melancholy, if they are afflicted 
 with cold feet and headache, but, above all, 
 with impatience and irritability, so that they 
 can scarcely make a pleasant reply when 
 spoken to, let me entreat them to make trial 
 of the system I am recommending ; not sim- 
 ply to run into the kitchen and trifle with 
 the servants, but to set about doing some- 
 thing that will add to the general comfort of 
 the family, and that will, at the same time, 
 relieve some member of that family of a por- 
 tion of daily toil. 
 
 I fear it is a very unromantic conclusion to 
 come to,, but my firm conviction is, that half 
 the miseries of young women, and half their 
 ill tempers, might be avoided by habits of 
 domestic activity ; because (I repeat the fact 
 again) there is no sensation more cheering 
 and delightful, than the conviction of having 
 been useful ; and I have generally found 
 young people particularly susceptible of this 
 pleasure. 
 
 A willing temper, then, is the great thing 
 to be attained ; a temper that does not object, 
 that does not resist, that does not hold itself 
 excused. A temper subdued to an habitual 
 acquiescence with duty, is the only temper 
 worth calling good; and this may be the 
 portion of all who desire so great a blessing, 
 who seek it in youth, and who adopt the 
 only means of making it their own watch- 
 fulness and prayer. 
 
 I have said nothing of the operation of love, 
 as it relates to the subject of this chapter ; 
 but it must be understood to be pre-eminently 
 the life-spring of our best endeavors in the 
 regulation both of health and temper, since 
 none can fail in the slightest degree in either 
 of these points, without materially affecting 
 the happiness of others. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 SOCIETY, FASHION, AND LOVE OF DISTINCTWN- 
 
 SOCIETY is often to the daughters of 9 
 family, what business or a profession is to the 
 sons ; at least so far as regards the importance 
 attached to it, and the opportunity it affords 
 of failure or success. Society ! what a ca- 
 pacious and dignified idea this word presents 
 to the girl just entering upon womanhood ! 
 What a field for action and sensation ! What 
 an arena for the display of all her accomplish- 
 ments ! How much that is now done, thought, 
 and uttered, has society for its object ! How 
 much is left undone, for the sake of so- 
 ciety ! But let us pause a moment, and ask 
 what society is. Is it a community of tried 
 and trusted friends, united together by the 
 ties of perfect love 1 Listen lo the remarks 
 of those, even of your own family, who re- 
 turn from the evening party, or the morning 
 call. Is it a community of beings with whom 
 mind is all in all, and intellectual improve- 
 ment the purpose for which they meet 1 
 Observe the preparations that are made the 
 dress, the furniture, the food, the expense 
 that is lavished upon these. Is it a commu- 
 nity who even love to meet, and who really 
 enjoy the social hours they spend together 1 
 Ask them in what mood or temper they enter 
 upon the fatigues of the evening, or how often 
 they wish that some event would occur to 
 render their presence unnecessary. 
 
 There is, however, one class of beings, 
 who generally go into society with no want of 
 inclination, but who rather esteem no trouble 
 too great which is the means of bringing them 
 in contact with it, or which enables them to 
 pass with credit the ordeal which society 
 presents. This class of beings consists of 
 young women who have not had experience 
 enough to know what society really is, or 
 what is the place assigned to them by the 
 unanimous opinion of society, in the circles 
 with which they exchange visits. What an 
 event to them is an evening party ! One 
 would think each of the young aspirants to 
 distinction expected to be the centre of a cir-
 
 SOCIETY, FASHION, AND LOVE OF DISTINCTION. 
 
 69 
 
 cle, so intense is the interest exhibited by 
 every act of preparation. The consequence 
 of all this, is a more than ordinary degree of 
 causeless depression on the following day, or 
 else an equal degree of causeless elevation, 
 arising perhaps out of some foolish attention, 
 or flattering remark, which has been repeat- 
 ed to half the ladies in the room. 
 
 Of all the passions which take possession 
 of the female breast, a passion for society is 
 one of the most inimical to domestic enjoy, 
 ment Yet, how often does this exist in con- 
 nectiop with an amiable exterior ! It is not 
 easy to say, whether we ought most to pity 
 or to blame a woman who lives for society 
 a woman who reserves all her good spirits, 
 all her becoming dresses, her animated looks, 
 her interesting conversation, her bland be- 
 havior, her smiles, her forbearance, her gen- 
 tleness for society what imposition does she 
 practise upon those who meet her there ! 
 Follow the same individual home, she is im- 
 patient, fretful, sullen, weary, oppressed with 
 headache, uninterested in all that passes 
 around her, and dreaming only of the last 
 evening's excitement, or of what may consti- 
 tute the amusement of the next ; while the 
 mortification of her friends at home, is in- 
 creased by the contrast her behavior exhibits 
 in the two different situations, and her ex- 
 penditure upon comparative strangers, of 
 feelings to which they consider themselves as 
 having a natural and inalienable right 
 
 As a cure for this passion, I would propose 
 a few remarks, founded both on observation 
 and/ experience. In the first place, then, we 
 seldom find that society affords us more 
 pleasing or instructive intercourse than awaits 
 us at home ; and as to kindly feeling towards 
 ourselves, if not excited in our nearest con- 
 nections, how can we expect it from those 
 wno know us less, without having practised 
 upon them some deception ? 
 
 In the next place, we ought never to forget 
 our own extreme insignificance in society. 
 Indeed, it may be taken as a rule with young 
 people in ordinary cases, that one half of the 
 persons they meet in society are not aware 
 of their having been present, nor even con- 
 
 scious of the fact of their existence ; that 
 another half of the remaining number have 
 seen them without any favorable impression ; 
 that another half of those who still remain, 
 have seen them with rather unfavorable feel- 
 ings than otherwise ; while, of those who re- 
 main beyond these, the affectionate feelings, 
 indulgence, and cordial interest, can be as 
 nothing, compared with what they might en- 
 joy at home. 
 
 " How can this be V exclaims the young 
 visitor, " when so many persons look pleased 
 to see me, when so many invitations are sent 
 me, when some persons pay me such flatter- 
 ing compliments, and others appear so de- 
 cidedly struck with my appearance 1" I 
 should be truly sorry to do any thing to cool 
 down the natural warmth and confidence of 
 youth ; but, in such cases, my rule for judg- 
 ing is a very simple one, depending upon the 
 result of the following inquiries: What is 
 the proportion of persons you have noticed in 
 the same company! What is the proportion 
 of those by whom you have felt yourself re- 
 pelled 1 What is the proportion of those you 
 have really admired 1 and the proportion of 
 those to whom you have been attracted by 
 sympathy, or affection ] Ask yourselves 
 these questions, and remember, that whatever 
 may be the flattering aspect of society, you 
 have no right to expect to receive, in admi- 
 ration, or good- will, more than you give. 
 
 There is another class of young women, 
 who appear to think the only reason for their 
 being invited in society, is, that another place 
 may be occupied, another chair filled, and 
 another knife and fork employed ; for as to 
 any effort they make in return for the com- 
 pliment of inviting them, they might, to all 
 intents and purposes, have been at home. 
 Now, where persons cannot, or dare not, con- 
 verse or where that which alone deserves 
 the name of conversation is not suited to the 
 habits or the ways of thinking of those who 
 have been at the trouble of inviting guests 
 I am a great advocate for cheerful, easy, so- 
 cial chat ; provided only, it gives place the 
 instant that something better worth listening 
 to is commenced. That all ingenious, warm-
 
 70 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 hearted, unaffected young women, can chat, 
 and some of them very pleasantly too, wit- 
 ness their moments of unrestrained confidence 
 in the company of their friends. There is, 
 then, no excuse for those who go into com- 
 pany, and return from it, without having con- 
 tributed in any way to the enjoyment of the 
 party they had been invited to meet 
 
 All young persons, however insignificant, 
 must occasionally meet the eye of the mis- 
 tress of the house where they are wishing, 
 and then is the time to say something expres- 
 sive of interest in her, or hers ; such as in- 
 quiring for some absent member of the family : 
 or, at any rate, proving in some way or other, 
 that she and her household have interests 
 with which you are not wholly unacquaint- 
 ed. 
 
 One of the most genuine, and at the same 
 time one of the most pleasing compliments 
 ever paid, is that of proving to those we visit, 
 or receive as visitors, that we have been pre- 
 viously aware of their existence. There are 
 many delicate ways of doing this ; and while 
 it injures no one, it seldom fails to afford a 
 certain degree of gratification. Social chat, 
 is that which sets people at liberty to talk on 
 their favorite subjects, whatever they may be. 
 In society, too, we meet with a large propor- 
 tion of persons, who want listeners ; and the 
 young, who cannot be supposed to have 
 amassed so large a sum of information as 
 others, ought to consider themselves as pe- 
 culiarly called upon to fill this respectable de- 
 partment in society, remembering at the same 
 time, that the office of a good listener can never 
 be that of a perfectly silent one. There must 
 be occasionally an animated and intelligent re- 
 sponse, intervals of attentive and patient hear- 
 ing, with a succession of questions, earnestly, 
 but modestly put, and arising naturally out 
 of the subject, to render the part of the listener 
 of any value in general conversation. The 
 vapid response effectually repels ; the flat and 
 uninterested expression of countenance soon 
 wearies ; and the question not adapted to the 
 subject cuts short the narration. 
 
 Let me not, however, be understood to re- 
 commend the mere affectation of interest, or 
 
 attention ; though perfectly aware that such 
 affectation is the current coin, by which the 
 good-will of society is generally purchased. 
 My view of the case is this that the absence 
 of vanity and selfishness in our own feelings, 
 and benevolence towards others, will induce 
 a real interest in every thing which concerns 
 them, at least, so far as it may occupy the 
 conversation of an evening ; and are we not 
 as much bound in duty to be social, frank, 
 and talkative to little-minded and common- 
 place persons, provided they have been at 
 the pains to invite and to entertain us, as if 
 they were more intellectual, or more dis- 
 tinguished 1 Besides, how often do we find 
 in conversation with such persons, that they 
 are able to give us much useful information, 
 which individuals of a higher grade of intel- 
 lect would never have condescended to give ; 
 and, after all, there is a vast sum of practi- 
 cal and moral good effected by persons of 
 this description, whose unvarnished details 
 of common things afford us clearer views of 
 right and wrong, than more elaborate state- 
 ments. 
 
 I have said, already, that the indulgence of 
 mere chat should never be carried too far. 
 In the society of intelligent and enlightened 
 men, nothing can be more at variance with 
 good taste, than for women to occupy the at- 
 tention of the company with their own little 
 affairs ; but especially when serious conversa- 
 tion is carried on, no woman of right feeling 
 would wish to interrupt it with that which is 
 less important Nor ought this humble 
 substitute for conversation, which I have re- 
 commended to those who cannot do better, 
 or appreciate what is higher, on any occasion 
 to be considered as the chief end at which to 
 aim in society. Women possess pre-emi- 
 nently the power of conversing well, if this 
 power is rightly improved and exercised ; 
 but as this subject is one which occupies so 
 large a portion of a previous work,* I will 
 only add, that my opinion remains the same 
 as therein expressed, that the talent of con- 
 versation is one which it is woman's especial 
 
 * The Women of England.
 
 SOCIETY, FASHION, AND LOVE OF DISTINCTION. 
 
 71 
 
 duty to cultivate, because the duties of con- 
 versation are among those for which she is 
 peculiarly responsible. 
 
 When we think of what society might be 
 to the young, and to the old, it becomes a 
 painful task to speak to the inexperienced, 
 the trusting, and the ardent, of what it is. 
 When we think of the seasons of mental and 
 spiritual refreshment, which might thus be 
 enjoyed, the interchange of mutual trust and 
 kindness, the awakening of new ideas, the 
 correction of old ones, the sweeping away of 
 prejudice, and the establishment of truth, the 
 general enlargement of thought, the extension 
 of benevolence, and the increase of sympathy, 
 confidence, and good faith, which might thus 
 be brought about among the families of man- 
 kind ; we long to send forth the young and 
 the joyous spirit, buoyant with the energies 
 of untried life, and warm with the generous 
 flow of unchecked feeling, to exercise each 
 growing faculty, and prove each genuine im- 
 pulse, upon the fair and flowery field which 
 society throws open, alike for action, for feel- 
 ing, and for thought. 
 
 But, alas ! such is society as it now ex- 
 ists, that no mother venturing upon this ex- 
 periment, would receive back to the peaceful 
 nest the wing so lately fledged unruffled by 
 its flight, the snowy breast unstained, or the 
 beating heart as true as when it first went 
 forth, elated with the glowing hope of finding 
 in society wharit never yet was rich enough 
 to yield. 
 
 An old and long-established charge is 
 brought against society for its flattery and its 
 falsehood, and we go on from year to year 
 complaining in the same strain ; those who 
 have expected most, and have been the most 
 deceived, complaining in the bitterest terms. 
 But, suppose the daughters of England should 
 now determine that they would bring about 
 a reformation in society, how easily would 
 this be done ! for, whether they know it or 
 not, they have the social morals of their coun- 
 try in their power. If the excellent, but 
 humble maxim, "Let each one mend one," 
 were acted up to in this case, we should have 
 no room left to find fault with others, for all 
 
 would be too busily and too well occupied yi 
 examining their own motives, and regulating 
 their own conduct, to make any calculations 
 upon what might be done or left undone by 
 others. 
 
 In the first place, each young woman act- 
 ing upon this rule, would live for home, 
 trusting that society would take care of its 
 own interests. She would, however, enter 
 into it as a social duty, rather than a personal 
 gratification, and she would do this with kind 
 and generous feelings, determined to think 
 the best she could of her , fellow-creatures, 
 and where she could not understand their 
 motives, to give them credit for good ones. 
 She would mix with society, not for the pur- 
 pose of shining before others, but of adding 
 her share to the general enjoyment; she 
 would consider every one whom she met 
 there, as having equal claims upon her at- 
 tentions ; but her sympathies would be es- 
 pecially called forth by the diffident, the un- 
 attractive, or the neglected. Above all, she 
 would remember that for the opportunities 
 thus afforded her, of doing or receiving good, 
 she would have to render an account as a 
 Christian, and a woman ; that for every 
 wrong feeling not studiously checked, for 
 every falsehood however trifling, or calcula- 
 ted to please, for every moral truth kept 
 back or disguised for want of moral courage 
 to divulge it, for every uncharitable insinua- 
 tion, for every idle or amusing jest at the ex- 
 pense of religious principle, and for every 
 chance omitted of supporting the cause of 
 virtue, however unpopular, or discounte- 
 nancing vice, however well received, her sit- 
 uation was that of a responsible being, of 
 whom an account of all the good capable of 
 being derived from opportunities like these, 
 would be required. 
 
 Need we question for a moment whether 
 such are the feelings, and such the resolu- 
 tions, of those who enter into society in gener- 
 al 1 We doubt not but some are thus influ- 
 enced, and that they have their reward ; but 
 with others, old associations and old habits 
 are strong, and they think that one can do 
 nothing against the many ; and thus they
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 w8it f and wish tilings were otherwise, but 
 never set about the reformation themselves. 
 Yet, surely these are times for renovated ef- 
 fort on the part of women, to whom the in- 
 terests of society belong ; for let men rule, as 
 they unquestionably have a right to do, in 
 the senate, the camp, and the court ; it is 
 women whose sentiments and feelings give 
 tone to society, and society which in its turn 
 influences the sentiments and feelings of 
 mankind. Each generation, as it arises, ma- 
 tures, and consolidates into another series of 
 social intercourse, bears the impress which 
 society has stamped upon the last ; and so 
 powerful is the influence thus derived, that 
 the laws of a nation would be useless in de- 
 fence of virtue, if the voice of society was 
 raised against it 
 
 How often has the tender and anxious mo- 
 ther had to deplore this influence upon the 
 minds of her children ! Until they mingled 
 with society, they were respectful, attentive, 
 and obedient to her injunctions, confiding im- 
 plicitly in the rectitude and the reasonable- 
 ness of her requirements. But society soon 
 taught them that the views of their parents 
 were unenlightened, old-fashioned, or absurd ; 
 that even the motives for enforcing them 
 might not be altogether pure ; and that none 
 who mixed in good society, ought to submit 
 to regulations so childish and humiliating. 
 
 If then, such be the influence of society, 
 how important is it that so powerful an agent 
 should be engaged on the side of virtue and 
 of truth ! And that it already is so in many 
 most important cases, I acknowledge, to the 
 honor of my country, believing that the gen- 
 eral tone of society is highly favorable to that 
 high moral standard, for which England is 
 pre-eminent over every nation of the world. 
 I allude particularly to the preservation of the 
 character of woman from the slightest taint 
 The rules, or rather the opinions of society, 
 as to what is correct or incorrect in female 
 conduct, extending down to the most minute 
 points of behavior, are sometimes considered 
 to be too strict, and even rebelled against by 
 high-spirited ignorant young women as being 
 too severe. But let no one, in her blindness 
 
 or temerity, venture upon the slightest trans- 
 gression of these rules, because in her young 
 wisdom she Sees no cause for their existence. 
 Society has good reasons for planting this 
 friendly hedge beside the path of woman, and 
 the day will come when she will be thankful 
 truly thankful that her own conduct, even 
 in minute and apparently trifling matters, was 
 not left in early life to the decision of her 
 own judgment, or the guidance of her own 
 will. 
 
 It ought rather to be the pride of every 
 English woman, that such are the conditions 
 of society in her native land, that whether 
 motherless or undisciplined in her domestic 
 lot, she cannot become a member of good so- 
 ciety, or at least retain her place there, with- 
 out submitting to restrictions ; which, while 
 they deprive her of no real gratification, are 
 at once the safeguard of her peace, the sup- 
 port of her moral dignity, and the protection 
 of her influence as a sister, a wife, a mother, 
 and a friend. 
 
 Let us then be thankful to society for the 
 good it has done, and is doing, to thousands 
 who have perhaps no watchful eye at home, 
 no warning voice to tell them how far to go, 
 and when to go no further. Nor can we for 
 a moment hesitate to yield our assent to these 
 restrictions imposed upon our sex, when we 
 look at the high moral standing of the women 
 of England, and think how much the tone of 
 society has to do with the maintenance of 
 their true interests. Let xis not, however, 
 stop here. If there is so much that is good 
 in society, why should there not be more? 
 Why should there still remain the trifling, the 
 slander, the envy, the low suspicion, the false- 
 hood, the flattery, which ruffle and disfigure 
 the surface of society, and render it too much 
 like a treacherous ocean, on which no well- 
 wisher to the young would desire to trust an 
 untried bark? 
 
 A feeling of moral dignity taken with us in- 
 to society, would be a great preservative 
 against much of this ; because it would lift 
 us out of the littleness of low observations, 
 and petty cavillings about dress and manners. 
 A spirit of love would do more, extending
 
 SOCIETY, FASHION, AND LOVE OF DISTINCTION. 
 
 through all the different channels of forbear- 
 ance, benevolence, and mutual trust. But 
 a Christian spirit would do still more ; be- 
 cause it would embrace the whole law of love, 
 at the same time that it \vould impress the 
 seal of truth upon all we might venture 
 to say or do. Thus might a great moral ref- 
 ormation ba effected, and effected by the 
 young by young women too, and effected 
 without presumption, and without display ; 
 for the humble and unobtrusive working out 
 of these principles, would be as much at va- 
 riance with ostentation, as they would be fa- 
 vorable to the cultivation of all that is estima- 
 ble in the female character, both at home and 
 abroad. 
 
 One of the greatest drawbacks to the good 
 influence of society, is the almost unrivalled 
 power of fashion upon the female mind. 
 Wherever civilized society exists, fashion ex- 
 ercises her all-pervading influence. All stoop 
 to it, more or less, and appear to esteem it a 
 merit to do so ; while a really fashionable wo- 
 man, though both reprobated and ridiculed, 
 has an influence in society which is little less 
 than absolute. Yet, if we, would choose out 
 the most worthless, the most contemptible, 
 and the least efficient of moral agents, it would 
 be the slave of fashion. 
 
 Say the best we can of fashio^ it is only an 
 imaginary or conventional rule, by which a 
 certain degree of order and uniformity is 
 maintained ; while the successive and fre- 
 quent variations in this rule, are considered 
 to be the means of keeping in constant exer- 
 cise our arts and manufactures. I am not 
 political economist enough to know whether 
 the same happy results might not be brought 
 about by purer motives, and nobler means ; 
 but it has always appeared to me one of 
 the greatest of existing absurdities, that q| 
 whole community of people, differing in com- 
 plexion, form, and feature, as widely as the 
 same species can differ, should not only de- 
 sire to wear precisely the same kind of dress, 
 but should often labor, strive, and struggle, 
 deceive, envy, and cheat, and spend their own 
 substance, and often more than they can law- 
 fully call their own to do what 1 To obtain 
 
 a dress, which is to them most unbecoming, 
 or an article of furniture wholly unsuited to 
 themselves and their establishment. 
 
 My own idea, and I believe it is founded 
 upon a long-cherished, and perhaps too ar-^ 
 dent admiration of personal beauty, is, that 
 fashion ought to favor all which is most be- 
 coming. It is true, we should at first be great- 
 ly at a loss to know what was becoming, be- 
 cause we should have the power and the pre- 
 judice of fashion to contend with ; but there 
 can be no doubt that individual, as well as 
 public taste, would be improved by such ex- 
 ercise, and that our manufactures would in 
 the end be equally benefited, though for some 
 time it might be difficult to calculate upon 
 the probable demand. Nor can I think that 
 female vanity would be more encouraged 
 than it now is, by thus consulting personal 
 and relative fitness ; because the young wo- 
 man who now goes into company fashiona- 
 bly disfigured, believes herself to be quite as 
 beautiful as if she was really so. Neither can 
 I see that we are not bound to study how to 
 make the best of our appearance, for the sake 
 of our friends, as well as how to make the 
 best of our manners, our furniture, and our 
 food. 
 
 Fashion, however, never takes this into 
 account. According to her arbitrary law, the 
 woman of sallow complexion must wear the 
 same color as the Hebe ; the contracted or 
 misshapen forehead must be laid as bare as 
 that which displays the fairest page of beau- 
 ty ; the form with square and awkward shoul- 
 ders, must wear the same costume as that 
 which boasts the contourof the Graces; and 
 oh ! most pitiful of all, old age must be 
 " pranked up" in the light drapery, the flow- 
 ers, and the gauds of youth ! In addition to 
 all this, each one, as an indispensable requi- 
 site, must possess a waist considerably below 
 the dimensions which are consistent either 
 with symmetry or health. 
 
 It will be an auspicious era in the experi- 
 ence of the daughters of England, when they 
 shall be convinced, that the Grecians had a 
 higher standard of taste in female beauty, 
 than that of the shopkeepers and dressma-
 
 71 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 kers of London. They will then be willing 
 to believe, that to be within the exact rule of 
 proportion, is as important a deviation from 
 perfect beauty, as to be beyond it ; and that 
 nothing which destroys the grace of easy and 
 natural movement, which deprives any bodi- 
 ly function of its necessary exercise, which 
 robs the youthful cheek of its bloom, or, in 
 short, which ungratefully throws back from 
 our possession the invaluable blessing of 
 health, can be consistent with the good taste 
 or right feeling of an amiable, intelligent, or 
 rational woman. 
 
 These remarks are applicable, in their full- 
 est force, to every deviation which is sanc- 
 tioned by fashion, from the strict and holy 
 law of modesty and decorum. And of this 
 most injurious tendency of fashion, how in- 
 sidious is every encroachment, yel how cer- 
 tain its effect upon the female mind ! It is 
 no uncommon thing to hear women express 
 the utmost abhorrence of the costume of 
 some old portrait, who, in the course of a 
 few years, perhaps months, are induced by 
 fashion to adopt, with unblushing satisfac- 
 tion, an equally, or more objectionable dress. 
 The young girl cannot too scrupulously 
 shroud her modest feelings from the unspa- 
 ring test of fashion. The bloom of modesty 
 is soon rubbed off by vulgar contact; bu 
 what is thus lost to the young female can 
 never be restored. And let her look to the 
 risk she incurs. What is it 7 On the one 
 hand, to be thought a little less fashionable 
 than her friends and neighbors on the other 
 to be thought a little more exposed than a del 
 icate woman ought to be. Is there any com 
 parison between the two 1 Or is there oni 
 of the daughters of England, who would no 
 rather be known to choose the former 1 
 
 If possessed of any genuine feeling on 
 these important points, a young woman wi 
 know by a kind of instinct, that a bare shoul 
 der protruding into sight, is neither a delicat 
 nor a lovely object ; that a dress, either s< 
 made, or so put on, as not to look secure ani 
 neat, is, to say the least of it, in bad taste 
 and that the highest standard at which 
 rightly-minded woman can aim with regar 
 
 o dress, is, that it should be becoming, and 
 ot conspicuous. In order to secure this 
 ast point of excellence, it is unquestionably 
 ecessary to conform in some measure to the 
 ashion of the times in which we live, and 
 lie circle of society in which we move ; yet, 
 urely this may be done to an extent suffi- 
 ient to avoid the charge of singularity, with- 
 mt the sacrifice either of modesty or good 
 taste. 
 
 Whatever may be the beneficial influence 
 f fashion upon the interests of the country 
 at large, its effects upon individual happiness 
 are injurious in proportion to their extent ; 
 and in what region of the world, or among 
 what grade of humanity, has not this idol of 
 he gilded shrine, this divinity of lace and 
 ribbons, wielded the sceptre of a sovereign, 
 and asserted her dominion over mankind 1 
 All bow before her, though many of her sub- 
 jects disclaim her title, and profess to despise 
 her authority. Nor is her territory less ex- 
 tensive, because her empire is one of trifles. 
 From the ermine of the monarch to the san- 
 dal of the clown ; from the bishop's lawn, to 
 the itinerant's cravat ; from the hero's man- 
 tle, to the mechanic's apron ; it is fashion 
 alone which regulates the form, the quality, 
 and the cost. 
 
 Fashion is unjustly spoken of as presiding 
 only in the festive dance, the lighted hall, the 
 crowded court Would that her influence 
 were confined to these alone ! but, alas ! we 
 find her in the most sedate assemblies, cool- 
 ing down each tint of coloring that else might 
 glow too warmly, smoothing off excrescences, 
 and rounding angles to one general uniformi- 
 ty of shape and tone. Her task, however, is 
 but a short one here, and she passes on 
 through all the busy haunts of life, neglect- 
 gng neither high nor low, nor rich nor poor, 
 until she enters the very sanctuary, and bows 
 before the altar, not only walking with the 
 multitude who keep holy day, but bending in 
 sable sorrow over the last and dearest frienc 
 committed to the tomb. Yes, there is some- 
 thing monstrous in the thought, that we can- 
 not weep for the dead, but fa.-hion must dis- 
 guise our grief; and that we cannot stanc
 
 SOCIETY, FASHION, AND LOVE OF DISTINCTION. 
 
 75 
 
 before the altar, and pronounce that solemn 
 vow, which the deep heart of woman alone 
 can fully comprehend, but fashion must be 
 especially consulted there. 
 
 Yet worse even than all this, is the influ- 
 ence which our love of fashion has upon our 
 servants, and upon the poor. Every Chris- 
 tian woman sees and deplores the evil, and 
 many wholesome restrictions are laid upon 
 poor girls, in their attendance at Sunday- 
 schools, and other establishments for their 
 instruction ; but are not the plans most fre- 
 quently adopted for the correction of this evil, 
 like telling little children at table that good 
 things are not safe for them, yet eating them 
 ourselves, and making much of them too, as 
 if they were the greatest treat 1 
 
 Christians, I believe, will find they have 
 much to give up yet, before the cause of 
 Christ will -prosper as they wish it in our 
 native land. Never will the young servant 
 cease to walk the streets with pride and sat- 
 isfaction in the exhibition of her newly-pur- 
 chased and fashionable attire, so long as she 
 sees the young ladies, in the family she 
 serves, make it their greatest object to be 
 fashionably dressed. They may say, and 
 with some justice, that she has no right to 
 regulate her conduct by their rule ; they may 
 reason with, and even reprove her too ; but 
 neither reasoning nor reproof will have the 
 power to correct, so long as example weighs 
 down the opposite scale. The vanity, the 
 weakness of woman is the same in the kitch- 
 en as in the drawing-room; and if fashion is 
 omnipotent in one, we cannot expect it to be 
 powerless in the other. 
 
 The question then has come to this : shall 
 we continue to compete with our servants in 
 dress, now that excess has become an evil ; 
 or shall we endeavor, for their sakes as well 
 as our own, to compete with them in self- 
 denial, and in ^courage to do right 1 How 
 can we pause how can we hesitate in such 
 a choice ] Our decision once made on this 
 important point, we shall soon find that fash- 
 ion has been with us, as well as with them, a 
 hard mistress. Yes, fashion has often de- 
 manded of us the only sum of money we had 
 
 been able to lay by for the needy poor; 
 while with them it has wrung the father's 
 scanty pittance from his hand, to supply the 
 daughter with the trappings of her own dis- 
 grace. Fashion with us has often set on fire 
 the flame of envy, and embittered the shafts 
 of ridicule; while with them it has been a 
 fruitful source of deceit, dishonesty, and 
 crime. Fashion with us has often broken 
 old connections, made us ashamed of valua- 
 ble friends, and proud of those whose friend- 
 ship was our bane ; while with them it has 
 been the means of introducing the young 
 and the unwary to the companionship of the 
 treacherous and the depraved. 
 
 I have said that fashion is a hard mistress : 
 when we contemplate some scenes exhibited, 
 not to th eye of the stranger, but within the 
 circle of private families in this prosperous 
 and enlightened country, we are often led to 
 doubt, whether its boasted happiness is really 
 so universal as patriot poets and patriot ora- 
 tors would teach us to believe. There is a 
 state of things existing behind the scenes in 
 many English homes, an under-current be- 
 neath the fair surface of domestic peace, to 
 which belong some of the most pressing anx- 
 ieties, the darkest forebodings, and the bit- 
 terest reflections of which the human mind is 
 capable, and all arising out of the great na- 
 tional evil of competing with our neighbors 
 in the luxuries and elegances of life, so as to 
 be living constantly up to the extent of our 
 pecuniary means, and too frequently beyond 
 them. 
 
 It is not likely that young women should 
 understand this evil in its full extent, or be 
 aware of the many sad consequences result- 
 ing from it, but they do understand that it is 
 not necessity, nor comfort, nor yet respecta- 
 bility, which makes them press upon their 
 parents the often-repeated demand for money, 
 where there is none to spare. No ; it is 
 fashion, the tyrant-mistress upon whose ser- 
 vice they have entered, who calls upou them 
 to be dressed in the appointed livery of all 
 her slaves ; and thus they wring a father's 
 heart with sorrow, perhaps deprive him of 
 the necessary comforts of old age ; or they
 
 76 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 send away unpaid a poor and honest trades- 
 man, because they cannot, "absolutely can- 
 not," appear in company with an unfashion- 
 able dress. 
 
 Now, does it never occur to the amiable, 
 and the affectionate, that a particular color 
 or form of dress is hardly worth a parent's 
 heartache 1 I know it does ; and they feel 
 sorry sometimes to be thus the cause of what 
 they would persuade themselves was unne- 
 cessary pain. But fashion is a cruel, as 
 well as a hard mistress ; and she tells them 
 that, despite the remonstrances of parental 
 love, despite the legal claims of those whose 
 need is greater than their own, despite the 
 stain upon their father's house and name, if 
 found unable to discharge his lawful debts, 
 her rule is absolute, and she must be obeyed. 
 Yes, I know it does come home to the hearts 
 of the feeling and the kind, to make these 
 frequent and these urgent applications, where 
 they know that the pecuniary means of the 
 family are small ; and sometimes they do try 
 to go forth into company again, with a dress 
 not cut according to the newest mode. But 
 fashion is revengeful, as she is cruel ; and 
 she turns upon them with the ridicule of 
 gayer friends, and asks whether the garb 
 they wear was the costume of the ark ; and, 
 instantly, all that is noble, and generous, and 
 disinterested in their nature, sinks, and they 
 become subject, perhaps, to as much real 
 suffering for the time, as if they had destroyed 
 a mother's peace, or involved a father in pe- 
 cuniary difficulty. 
 
 But let them not be discouraged at thus 
 being deprived for an instant of moral dig- 
 nity, and moral power. The better feelings 
 of their nature will rally, the vitality of higher 
 principles will revive, if they will but make 
 a stand against the enemy ; or, rather, if they 
 will but reflect, that fashion, under whose 
 tyranny they are quailing, is, in reality, an 
 enemy, and not a friend. She is an enemy, 
 because she has incited them to much evil, 
 and to no good. She is an enemy, because 
 when they sink into poverty or distress, led 
 on by her instigation, she immediately for- 
 sakes, and leaves them to their fate. Fashion 
 
 never yet was on the side of suffering, of sor- 
 row, or of want Her favorite subjects are 
 the successful, the arrogant, the vain-glorious ; 
 the objects of her contempt are the humble, 
 the afflicted, and tl? poor. 
 
 Let the young, then, bear about with them 
 the remembrance of this fact, that there are 
 strong influences which obtain even in good 
 society, but which are not really to be weighed 
 in the balance against the minutest fraction 
 of Christian duty ; and that fashion, although 
 approved, and even courted by all classes 
 and denominations of mankind, and present, 
 by general invitation, at all places of public 
 resort, even on occasions the most sacred 
 and solemn, so far from having part or lot in 
 any thing pertaining to religion, can only dis- 
 play the symbols of her triumph in the house 
 of prayer, as a badge of human weakness, 
 and a proof that our follies and infirmities 
 are with us even there. 
 
 Beyond the love of fashion, which is com- 
 mon to all classes of society, there some- 
 times exists in the female breast a passion of 
 a deeper and still more dangerous nature, 
 which society has a powerful tendency to 
 call forth ; I mean the love of distinction. 
 In man, this passion is ambition. In woman, 
 it is a selfish desire to stand apart from the 
 many ; to be something of, and by, herself; 
 to enjoy what she does enjoy, and to appro- 
 priate the tribute which society offers her, 
 distinct from the sisterhood to which she be- 
 longs. Of such women it may truly be said, 
 " they have their reward." 
 
 The first and most frequent aim to which 
 this passion directs itself, is to be the idol of 
 society ; which is synonymous with being the 
 butt of ridicule, and the mock of envy, to all 
 who witness her pretensions, especially to 
 all who have failed in the same career. No 
 sooner does a woman begin to feel herself 
 the idol of society, than she finds around her 
 daily path innumerable temptations, of which 
 she had never dreamed before. Her exalted 
 position is maintained, not by the universal 
 suffrage of her friends, for at least one half 
 of them would pluck her down if they were 
 able ; but by the indefatigable exercise of her
 
 SOCIETY, FASHION, AND LOVE OF DISTINCTION. 
 
 77 
 
 ingenuity in the way of evading, stooping, 
 conciliating, and sometimes deceiving ; as 
 well as by a continued series of efforts to be 
 cheerful when depressed, witty when abso-. 
 lutely dull, and animated, brilliant, and amu- 
 sing, when disappointed, weary, or distressed. 
 
 When we think that all this must be gone 
 through, evening afte*r evening, in the same 
 company, as well as among strangers, and 
 without excitement as well as with, in order 
 to prevent the title of the occupant of that 
 distinguished place from being disputed, we 
 are led to exclaim, that the miner, the con- 
 vict, and the slave have an easier and a hap- 
 pier lot than hers. Nor is this all. The 
 very eminence on which she stands, renders 
 all her faults and failures so much the more 
 conspicuous ; while it enables every stander- 
 by to test the validity of her pretensions, and 
 to triumph over every flaw. 
 
 What a situation for a woman ! for a 
 young, affectionate, trusting, and simple- 
 hearted woman ! No, never yet was sim- 
 plicity of heart allied to ambition. And the 
 woman who aspires to be the idol of society, 
 must be satisfied to give up this fair hand- 
 maid from her train this pearl from her 
 coronet this white rose from her wreath. 
 When a woman's simplicity of heart is gone 
 she is no longer safe as a friend, faithful as a 
 sister, or tender and true as a wife. But as 
 a mother ! nature revolts from the thought, 
 that infant weakness should be cradled in the 
 bosom whose simplicity is gone. 
 
 Anotl er form which the love of distinction 
 assumes, is that of singularity. I have al- 
 ready said much on the subject of good 
 taste, to show that it holds an important 
 place among the excellences of woman, so 
 much so, as almost to supply the want of 
 judgment, where that quality is deficient 
 Nothing, however, can more effectually prove 
 the absence of good taste in women, than to 
 be singular by design. Many are so consti- 
 tuted as to be unavoidably singular ; bul 
 even this is only reconciled by their friends 
 on the ground that they would lose much in 
 originality and strength of character, by study- 
 ing to be more like the generality of women 
 
 One of the most wholesome and effectual 
 checks upon this juvenile and ill-judged de- 
 ire to be singular, might be derived from the 
 fact, that singularity in woman invariably 
 excites remarks, that such remarks almost 
 as invariably degenerate into scandal, and 
 that scandal always destroys good influence. 
 However innocent a woman may be, how 
 much soever she may desire to be useful to 
 others, the fact of her being the subject of scan- 
 dal effectually destroys her power ; for no one 
 likes to be dictated to by a person of whom 
 strange things are spoken ; .and the agent of 
 Christian benevolence is always less efficient, 
 for being generally considered odd. Still, if 
 the world would pause here, all might be 
 well. But our oddities, while they provoke 
 the laughter of the gay, seem unaccountably 
 to have the effect of awakening the anger of 
 the grave ; so that we not unfrequently find 
 persons more severely reflected upon for 
 comparatively innocent peculiarities, than for 
 acts of real culpability. 
 
 A repetition of such reflections and injuri- 
 ous remarks passing through society, upon 
 the principle of a snow-ball over a drifted 
 plain, obtains in time a sort of bad name, or 
 questionable character, for the individual 
 against whom they are directed, which no 
 explanation can do any thing to clear away , 
 because founded on facts of so singular a 
 nature, that few people understand how, in 
 the common course of things, they could 
 have happened, and consequently few have 
 charity enough to believe they could origi- 
 nate in any thing hut evil. It is thus that the 
 character of woman so often suffers unjustly 
 from her oddities. Strangers cannot under- 
 stand why we acted as we did, enemies sug- 
 gest a bad motive as the most probable, gos- 
 sips take up the scandal, and friends in their 
 turn believe it true ; while we, surprised am 
 indignant that so innocent a mode of action 
 should bear so injurious a construction, are 
 unable to defend it, simply because it was 
 out of the ordinary pale of human conduct, 
 though prompted by the same motives which 
 influence the rest of mankind. 
 
 It may justly be said of the world, that in
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 one sense it is a cruel censor of woman ; but 
 in another it is kind. It is, as I have just 
 described, unjustly severe upon individual 
 singularity ; but by its harsh and ready cen- 
 sures, how many does it deter from entering 
 upon the same course of folly, so sure to end 
 in wounded feeling, if not in loss of influ- 
 ence and respectability ! 
 
 Let it then be kept in mind, that woman, if 
 she would preserve her peace, her safe foot- 
 ing in society, her influence, and her unblem- 
 ished purity, must avoid remark as an indi- 
 vidual, at least in public. The piquant amuse- 
 ments of home, consist much in the display 
 of originality of character, and there it is safe. 
 There her feelings are understood, her mo- 
 tives are trusted to, because they have been 
 long known, and there the brooding wing of 
 parental love is ever ready to shroud her 
 peculiarities from too dangerous an exposure. 
 In the world it is not so. Society is very 
 false to us in this respect For the sake of 
 an evening's entertainment, singularity is en- 
 couraged and drawn out The mistress of 
 the house, who wishes only to see her party 
 amused, feels no scruple in placing this 
 temptation before unguarded youth. But let 
 not the ready laugh, the gay response, the 
 flattering attention for a moment deceive you 
 as to the real state of the case. It is " seem- 
 ing all," and those who have been the most 
 amused by your singularities, will not be the 
 last to make them the subject of bitter and 
 injurious remark. 
 
 If these observations upon society should 
 appear to any, cynical or severe, or calcula- 
 ted to depress the natural ardor of youth, 
 rather than direct it into safer and more 
 wholesome channels ; it must be remembered, 
 that my design throughout this work, is to 
 speak of the world as it is, not merely as it 
 ought to be ; and though I know there are 
 circles of society, where aims, and motives, 
 and laws of union exist, of a far higher order 
 than to admit of the falsehood or the little- 
 ness to which I have alluded ; yet such, it 
 must be acknowledged, is the general tone of 
 ordinary visiting or mixing in company, that 
 the follies of unguarded youth meet with little 
 
 candor, and still less kind correction, even 
 among those who are associated with us as 
 friends. I know that the voice of experience 
 is an unwelcome one, when thus lifted up 
 against that of the world, which speaks so 
 smoothly in its first intercourse with the young 
 and inexperienced ; and far more delightful 
 would it be, to send forth the joyous spirit 
 into social life with all its native energies un- 
 checked. There is one grateful and welcome 
 thought, however, which reconciles the task 
 I have imposed upon myself. It is, that none 
 of these energies need therefore be destroyed, 
 or deprived of natural and invigorating exer- 
 cise. There are home-societies, and little cho- 
 sen circlesof tried and trusted friends ; meet- 
 ings, perhaps, but rarely occurring, or only 
 accidental, among those who speak with dif- 
 ferent voices the warm familiar language of 
 one heart ; and here it is that the genuine 
 feelings of unsophisticated nature may safely 
 be poured forth ; here it is that youth may 
 live, and breathe, and be itself, alike without 
 affectation, and without reserve ; here it is, 
 that the spirit of joy may bound and revel 
 unrestrained, because all around it is the at- 
 mosphere of love, and the clear bright radi- 
 ance of the sunshine of truth. 
 
 There is yet another flight of female ambi- 
 tion, another course which the love of distinc- 
 tion is apt to take, more productive of folly, 
 and of disappointment, perhaps, than all the 
 rest It is the ambition of the female author 
 who writes for fame. Could those young 
 aspirants know how little real dignity there is 
 connected with the trade of authorship, their 
 harps would be exchanged for distaffs, their 
 rose-tinted paper would be converted into 
 ashes, and their Parnassus would dwindle to 
 a molehill. 
 
 Still there is something which the young 
 heart feels in being shut out from intellectual 
 sympathies at home something in burning 
 and throbbing with unexpressed sensations, 
 until their very weight and intensity become 
 a burden not to be endured ; something in 
 (he strong impulse of a social temperament, 
 which longs to pour forth its testimony to the 
 force of nature and of truth ; something in
 
 SOCIETY, FASHION, AND LOVE OF DISTINCTION. 
 
 79 
 
 those mysterious, but deep convictions, which 
 belong to every child of earth, that some- 
 where on this peopled globe, beneath the 
 glow of sunnier skies ; or on the frozen plain, 
 the desert, or the ocean ; amidst the bowers 
 of beauty, or the halls of pride ; within the 
 hermit's cave, the woodman's cot, or wan- 
 dering with the flocks upon the distant hills ; 
 there is there must be, some human or 
 spiritual intelligence, whose imaginations, 
 powers, and feelings, operate in concert with 
 our own. And thus we feel, and thus we 
 write in youth, without any higher motive, 
 because within our homes, tracing our daily 
 walks, or mixing with the circle called socie- 
 ty, we find no chord of sympathy which 
 answers to the natural music of our secret 
 souls. 
 
 All this, however, is but juvenile romance. 
 The same want df sympathy which so often 
 inspires the first effort of female authorship, 
 might often find a swep-t and abundant inter- 
 change of kindness in many a faithful heart 
 beside the homely hearth. And after all, 
 there is more true poetry in the fireside affec- 
 tions of early life, than in all those sympa- 
 thetic associations with unknown and untried 
 developments of mind, which ever have ex- 
 isted either among the sons or the daughters 
 of men. 
 
 Taking a more sober view of the case, there 
 are, unquestionably, subjects of deep interest 
 with which women have opportunities pecu- 
 liar to themselves of becoming acquainted 
 and thus of benefiting their fellow-creature; 
 through the medium of their writings. But, 
 after all, literature is not the natural channe 
 for a woman's feelings ; and pity, not envy 
 ought to be the meed of her who writes for 
 the public. How much of what with other 
 women is reserved for the select and chosen 
 intercourse of affection, with her must be laid 
 bare to the coarse cavillings, and coarse 
 commendations, of amateur or professiona 
 critics ! How much of what no woman loves 
 to say, except to the listening ear of domestic 
 affection, by her must be told nay, blazonec 
 to the world ! And then, in her seasons of 
 depression, or of wounded feeling, when he 
 
 spirit yearns to sit in solitude, or even in dark^ 
 less, so that it may be still ; to know and feel 
 hat the very essence of that spirit, now em- 
 )odied in a palpable form, has become an ar- 
 ticle of sale and bargain, tossed over from the 
 lands of one workman to another, free alike 
 to the touch of the prince and the peasant, 
 and no longer to be reclaimed at will by the 
 original possessor, let the world receive it as it 
 may ! 
 
 Is such, I ask, an enviable distinction ? 
 will offer no remarks of my own upon the 
 unsatisfactory nature of literary fame. No 
 man, or woman either, could write for the 
 public, and not feel thankful for public appro- 
 bation ; thankful for having chosen a subject 
 generally interesting to mank : nd, and thank- 
 ful that their own sentiments had met with 
 sympathy from those for whose sake they had 
 been expressed. But, on this subject, I will 
 quote the eloquent language of one,* who bet- 
 ter knew what contradictory elements exist 
 in a young, an ardent, and an affectionate 
 heart, combined with an aspiring and com 
 manding intellect 
 
 " What is fame to woman, but a dazzling 
 degradation. She is exposed to the pitiles 
 gaze of admiration ; but little respect, and no 
 love, blends with it. However much as an 
 individual she may have gained in name, it 
 rank, in fortune, she has suffered as a woman 
 In the history of letters, she may be associatei 
 with men, but her own sweet life is lost ; am 
 though, in reality, she may flow through th 
 ocean of the world, maintaining an unsulliei 
 current, she is nevertheless apparently ab- 
 sorbed, and become one with the elements o 
 tumult and distraction. She is a reed shakei 
 with the wind ; a splendid exotic, nurture 
 for display ; an ornament only to be worn on 
 birth-nights and festivities; the aloe, whos 
 blossom is deemed fabulous, because few can 
 be said to behold it ; she is the Hebrew whos 
 songs are demanded in a 'strange land; 
 Ruth, standing amid the 'alien corn;' a 
 flower, plunged beneath a petrifying spring 
 her affections are the dew that society ex 
 
 Miss Jewsbury.
 
 HI 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 hales, but gives not back to her in rain ; she 
 is a jewelled captive, bright, and desolate, 
 and sad !" 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 GRATITUDE AND AFFECTION. 
 
 As one who has been conducting an inex- 
 perienced traveller through an enemy's coun- 
 try, joyfully enters with him upon the territory 
 of a well-known and familiar friend ; so the 
 writer, whose stern duty it has been to dis- 
 close the dangers and deceitfulness of the 
 world to the unpractised eye of youth, de- 
 lights to open to it that page of human life, 
 which develops all that is most congenial to 
 unsophisticated nature. And can any thing 
 be more so to woman, than gratitude and af- 
 fection 7 How much of her experience 
 of the deepest well-springs of her feeling of 
 those joys peculiar to herself, and with .which 
 no stranger can intermeddle are embodied 
 in these two words ! 
 
 If our sense of obligation in general bears 
 any proportion to our need of kindness, then 
 has woman, above all created beings, the 
 greatest cause for gratitude. The spirit of 
 man, even in early life, bears a widely differ- 
 ent impress from that of woman. The high- 
 spirited and reckless boy flings from him half 
 the little grievances which hang about the 
 girl, and check her infant playfulness, send- 
 ing her home to tell her tale of sorrow, or to 
 weep away her griefs upon her mother's bo- 
 som. There is scarcely a more affecting 
 sight presented by the varied scenes of hu- 
 man life, than a motherless or neglected little 
 girl ; yet so strong is the feeling her situation 
 inspires, that happily few are thus circum- 
 stanced, without some one being found to 
 care for and protect them. It is true, the lot 
 of woman has trials enough peculiar to itself 
 and the look of premature sedateness and 
 anxiety, which sometimes hangs upon the 
 brow of the little girl, might seem to be the 
 shadowing forth of some vague apprehensions 
 
 as to the nature of her future destiny. These 
 trials, however, seldom arise out of unkind- 
 ness or neglect in her childhood. The voice 
 of humanity would be raised against such 
 treatment ; for what living creature is so help- 
 less and inoffensive as a little girl] The 
 voice of humanity, therefore, almost univer- 
 sally speaks kindly to her in early life. The 
 father folds her tenderly in his arms, toils for 
 her subsistence and comfort, and watches 
 over her expanding beauty, that he may shield 
 it from all blight The mother's heart yearns 
 fondly as she, too, watches with more intense 
 anxiety, lest a shadow should fall, or a rude 
 wind should blow, upon her opening flower. 
 Thus, while the sons in a family may perhaps 
 call forth more of the pride and the ambition 
 of their parents, the daughters claim almost all 
 the tenderness, and more than an equal por- 
 tion of watchfulness and care. 
 
 And can the object of so much solicitude 
 be otherwise than grateful 1 Oh, no. It may 
 be more consonant with the nature and with 
 the avocations of man, that he should go forth 
 into the world forgetful of these things ; but 
 woman, in the quiet brooding of her secret 
 thoughts can she forget, how, in the days 
 of helpless infancy, she was accustomed to 
 escape from the rude gaze, or harsh rebuke, 
 to find a never-failing refuge on her father's 
 knee ; how every wish and want was whis- 
 pered to her mother's ear, which never turn- 
 ed away ; how all things appropriated to her 
 use, were studiously made so safe, so easy, 
 so suited to her taste her couch of rest, her 
 favorite meal, her fairy-world of toys all 
 these arranged according to her fancy, or her 
 good ; until, all helpless, and feeble, and de- 
 pendant as she was, no fear could break the 
 charm of he"r security, nor sorrow, save what 
 originated in her own bosom, could cast a 
 shadow over the fireside pleasures of her 
 sunny home? 
 
 " No ; woman is not cannot be ungrate- 
 ful," exclaim a thousand sweet voices at 
 once ! Gratitude forms a part of her nature, 
 and without it she would be unworthy of a 
 name among her*eex! I freely grant that 
 gratitude is a part of her nature, because
 
 GRATITUDE AND AFFECTION. 
 
 there can be no generous or noble character, 
 where gratitude is wanting. But I am not 
 so sure that it is always directed to proper 
 objects. 
 
 Young women are almost always grateful 
 for the notice of ladies of distinction ; they 
 are grateful for being taken out in carriages, 
 when they have none at home ; they are 
 grateful for presents of ornaments, or articles 
 of fashionable clothing which they cannot af- 
 ford to buy ; they are grateful for being invi- 
 ted out to pleasant parties : and, indeed, for 
 what may they not be said to be grateful 
 extremely grateful ? but especially so, for acts 
 of kindness from strangers, or from persons 
 occupying a higher station than themselves. 
 
 There is a familiar saying, that charity be- 
 gins at home ; and if by home is meant the 
 circle immediately surrounding ourselves, 
 surely gratitude ought also most especially to 
 begin at home, and for this simple reason 
 strangers may know, or imagine us to have 
 great merits ; but with our demerits, or per- 
 haps I ought rather to say, with that part of 
 our character which comes under the head 
 of disagreeableness, they must necessarily be 
 unacquainted, because no one chooses to be 
 disagreeable to strangers. Against them, too 
 we have never offended, either by wor'd o 
 act, so that they can have nothing to forgive 
 But it is not so at home. All our evil temper 
 and dispositions have been exhibited there 
 and consequently the kindness received a 
 home is the more generous. There is no on 
 member of the family circle against whon 
 we have not, at one time or another, offend 
 ed, and consequently we owe them a double 
 share of gratitude, for having kindly over 
 looked the past, and for receiving us as cor 
 dially to their favor as if we had never co 
 them an uneasy thought. It is nothing, in 
 comparison, to win the good-will of strangers 
 The bare thought of how soon that good-wi 
 might be withdrawn, did they know us better 
 is sufficient of itself to pain a generous mine 
 But it is much to continue daily and hourl 
 to receive the kind attentions, the forbearanc 
 and the love of those who know our meanes 
 faults, who see us as we really are, who hav 
 
 6 
 
 x>rne with us in all our different moods for 
 nonths and years, whom our unkindness 
 ould not estrange, whom our indifference 
 :ould not alienate, whom our unworthiness 
 x>uld not repel it is, indeed, much to be still 
 bllowed by their affection, to be protected by 
 heir anxious care, and to be supported by 
 heir unremitting industry and toil. Yes, and 
 there may come a day when the young in 
 their turn will feel 
 
 " How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is 
 To have a thankless child :" 
 
 when they will see the shiile of gratitude 
 which ought to be their own, worn only for 
 strangers, they will think then of the days of 
 unmurmuring labor the nights of untiring 
 watchfulness the ages of thought and feel- 
 ing they have lived through, and would will- 
 ingly experience again the suffering and 
 the shame they would endure, if that were 
 necessary, for the sake of the beloved of their 
 souls ; and they will wonder for to blame, 
 they will scarce know how why nature 
 should have left the heart of their child so 
 void, that for all they have so lavishly bestow- 
 ed they should receive nothing in return. 
 
 If gratitude were looked upon more than 
 it is, as a distinct duty a debt to be dis- 
 charged without involving any other pay- 
 ment, I am inclined to think its claims wouU 
 be more frequently attended to, than they now 
 are. But few young persons are in the habi 
 of sufficiently separating gratitude from ad 
 miration, and thus they hold themselves 
 above being grateful in due proportion to th 
 aged, the unenlightened, or the insignificant 
 because they do not often feel disposed to 
 offer to such persons the tribute of their praise 
 Perhaps they are a little ashamed to havi 
 owed any thing to so inferior a source ; while, i 
 on the other hand, they are but too proud to 
 acknowledge that they are deeply indebted 
 to those whom they admire. 
 
 Now, it is against such encroachments of 
 vanity and selfishness, that the amiable and 
 the high-principled are perpetually on their 
 guard. That gratitude will not grow up with 
 us without culture, is sufficiently evident from
 
 99 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 the indifference with which all young children 
 treat the donors of their little gifts; receiving 
 them rather as their right, than as a favor. 
 It is, therefore, an excellent habit for young 
 people, lo bear perpetually in mind a sort of 
 memorial, or catalogue, of the names of those 
 by whom every article of their own personal 
 property was given, so that even the most 
 insignificant individual to whom they have 
 been thus indebted, may not be forgotten. 
 
 " I am naturally," says a celebrated Ger- 
 man writer, " as little inclined to gratitude 
 as any one ; and it would even be easy for 
 the lively sense of a present dissatisfaction to 
 lead me first to forget a benefit, and next to 
 ingratitude. In order to avoid falling into 
 this error, I early accustomed myself to take 
 pleasure in reckoning up all I possessed, and 
 ascertaining by whose means I acquired it 
 I think on the persons to whom I am indebt- 
 ed for the different articles in my collections ; 
 I reflect on the circumstances, chances, and 
 most remote causes, owing to which I have 
 obtained the variors things I prize, in order 
 to pay my tribute of gratitude to whomso- 
 ever it is owing. All that surrounds me is 
 thus animated in my sight, and becomes con- 
 nected with affectionate remembrances. It 
 is with still greater pleasure that I dwell on 
 the objects, the possession of which does not 
 fall within the dominion of the senses,; such 
 as the sentiments I have imbibed, and the 
 instruction I have received. Thus my pres- 
 ent existence is exalted and enriched by the 
 memory of the past ; my imagination recalls 
 to my heart the authors of the good I enjoy ; 
 a sweet reminiscence attends the recollection, 
 and I am rendered incapable of ingratitude." 
 
 How beautiful is the simplicity of this con- 
 fession, from one whose mind was capacious 
 beyond the ordinary extent of man's under- 
 standing, and to whose genius the literary 
 and the distinguished of alj nations were 
 proud to offer the tribute of their praise ! 
 How completely does this passage prove to 
 us, that he who knew so many of the secrets 
 of* human nature," knew also that it is not 
 possible to begin too humbly with the ex- 
 ercise of gratitude ! The nurse who bore the 
 
 burden of our childhood, the old servant fallen 
 into poverty and want, the neighboring cot- 
 tager who used to let us share her orchard's 
 scanty produce, the poor relations who took 
 us to their lowly home when rich ones were 
 less kind, the maiden aunt who patiently in- 
 structed us in all her curious arts, the bache- 
 lor uncle who kindly permitted us to derange 
 the order of his house above all, the vener- 
 able grandfather, and his aged helpmate, who 
 used to tell us of the good old ways, and 
 warn us against breaking down the ancient 
 landmarks all these are pleasant household 
 memories, which ought to cling about the 
 heart until they grow into our very being, and 
 become identified with the elements of thought, 
 and feeling, which constitute our life. There 
 is in fact a species of cruelty, as well as in- 
 justice, in disentangling the memory from 
 these early associations. To have received 
 our very nature, our principles, the bias of 
 our sentiments, all that which is understood 
 by distinctiveness of character, from the 
 hands of these old friends, and not to look 
 back and acknowledge it with thankfulness, 
 though the casual notice of a passing stran- 
 ger furnishes food for gratitude the fact is 
 scarcely to be thought of, still less believed ; 
 and we look to the daughters of England to 
 ^how us that they know better how to bestow 
 their gratitude. 
 
 When the nature of gratitude is considered 
 in its proper light, as a debt which we have 
 contracted, and which consequently must be 
 discharged, we see at once that the merit or 
 demerit of the individual to whom we owe 
 this debt, has nothing whatever to do with 
 our payment of it A generous mind would 
 perhaps feel more bound to discharge it to an 
 unworthy object, simply because where re- 
 spect or love was wanting, grateful feeling 
 would be all that could with propriety be of- 
 fered. But, as in all such cases, the debt, 
 though just, must still be painful and humili- 
 ating, it is of the utmost importance, both to 
 young and old, that they should be careful 
 never to be the willing recipients of obliga- 
 tions from persons whom they neither love 
 nor esteem. The young need great watch-
 
 GRATITUDE AND AFFECTION. 
 
 83 
 
 fulness in this respect, and sometimes, from 
 their over-willingness to incur obligations, 
 involve themselves in connections and asso- 
 ciations highly disadvantageous. 
 
 It is an excellent plan for young women, 
 always to put this question to themselves be- 
 fore they accept an offered kindness. "Is 
 the person who offers it, one whom I should 
 like to feel indebted to ! or am I prepared to 
 make all the return of gratitude to that per- 
 son, which would, under similar circum- 
 stances, be due to the most praiseworthy and 
 distinguished individual of my acquaint- 
 ance 1 !" If the answer be in the negative, 
 nothing but a meanness of spirit, of which I 
 cannot believe the daughters of England to 
 be capable, could lead to the acceptance of 
 such an obligation. 
 
 In this, therefore, as well as in all other 
 cases, it is of the utmost importance that 
 gratitude should be considered as a distinct 
 feeling, in no way involving any other. It 
 sometimes happens, however, and especially 
 during the present rapid march of intellect, 
 that the junior members of a family are far 
 in advance of their parents in the cultivation 
 of their intellectual powers, and this differ- 
 ence occasionally leads to a want of respect 
 towards the heads of the family, which is 
 alike distressing and disgraceful. On the 
 other hand, there are young women, (and 
 happy would it be for our nation, if all the 
 daughters of England were such,) who, re- 
 membering that their parents, however hum- 
 ble and unenlightened, are their parents still ; 
 that by their self-denial and their toil, and as 
 the highest proof of their regard, they have 
 received the education which makes them so 
 much to differ make it their constant study 
 to offer to them tokens of respect and regard 
 of such a nature as not to draw forth their 
 intellectual deficiencies, but to place them 
 on the higher ground of moral excellence. 
 How beautiful, how touching is the solicitude 
 of such young persons, to guard the venera- 
 ted brow from shame ; and to sacrifice even 
 something of the display of their own en- 
 dowments, rather than outshine those who, 
 with all their deficiencies, still were the ora- 
 
 cles of their infant years, and who unques- 
 tionably did more during the season of child- 
 hood, towards the formation of their real 
 character, than has since been done by 
 the merely intellectual discipline of schools. 
 Yes, we may owe our grammar, our geogra- 
 phy, our music, and our painting, to what 
 are called the instructors of our youth ; but 
 the seeds of moral character are sown by 
 those who surround us in infancy ; and how 
 much soever we may despise the hand by 
 which that seed is scattered, the bias of our 
 moral being is derived from that agent more 
 than from any other. 
 
 How just, then, and how true, is that de- 
 velopment of youthful gratitude which looks 
 back to these early days, and seeks to return 
 into the bosom of parental love, the treasures 
 of that harvest which parental love has sown ! 
 
 And it is meet that youth should do this 
 youth, whose very nature it is to be redun- 
 dant with the rills of life, and fruitful in joy, 
 and redolent in bloom, from the perpetual 
 flowing forth of its own glad waters youth, 
 which is so rich in all that gladdens and ex- 
 hilarates ; how can it be penurious and nig- 
 gardly in giving out ] No, nature has been 
 so munificent to youth, it cannot ^et have 
 learned the art of grudging ; and gratitude, 
 the most liberal, the most blessed of all hu- 
 man feelings, was first required of us as a 
 debt, that we might go on paying according 
 to our measure, through all the different sta- 
 ges of existence ; and though we may never 
 have had money or rich gifts, the poorest 
 among us has been able to pay in kindness, 
 and sometimes in love. 
 
 In the cultivation and exercise of the be- 
 nevolent feelings of our nature, there is this 
 beautiful feature to be observed in the order 
 of divine providence that expenditure never 
 exhausts. Thus the indulgence of gratitude, 
 and the bestowment of affection, instead of 
 impoverishing, render more rich the fountain 
 whence both are derived ; while, on the other 
 hand, the habit of withholding our generous 
 affections, produces the certain effect of 
 checking their growth, and diminishing the 
 spontaneous effusion of kindness.
 
 84 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 The habit of encouraging feelings of grati- 
 tude towards our fellow-creatures, of recall- 
 ing their friendly and benevolent offices to- 
 wards ourselves, of thinking what would 
 have been our situation without them, and, 
 in short, of reckoning up the items of the 
 great debt we all have incurred, especially in 
 infancy and youth, has a most beneficial effect 
 upon the mind, in the bias it gives towards 
 the feeling and expression of gratitude in 
 general, not only as confined to the inter- 
 course of social life, or the interchange of 
 kindness among our fellow-creatures, but 
 with regard to the higher obligations of grati- 
 tude, which every child of sin and sorrow 
 must feel, on being admitted to participation 
 in the promises of the gospel, and the glori- 
 ous hopes which the gospel was sent to in- 
 spire. 
 
 I have said, that women, above all created 
 beings, have cause for gratitude. Deprived 
 of the benefits of the Christian dispensation, 
 woman has ever been, and will be ever the 
 most abject, and the most degraded of crea- 
 tures, oppressed in proportion to her weak- 
 ness, and miserable in proportion to her capa- 
 bility of suffering. Yet, under the Christian 
 dispensation, she who was the first in sin, is 
 raised to an equality with man, and made 
 his fellow-heir in the blessings of eternal life. 
 Nor is this all. A dispensation which had 
 permitted her merely to creep, and grovel 
 through this life, so as to purchase by her 
 patient sufferings a title to the next, would 
 have been unworthy of that law of love by 
 which pardon was offered to a guilty world. 
 In accordance with the ineffable benevolence 
 of this law, woman was therefore raised to a 
 moral, as well as a spiritual equality with 
 man ; and from being first his tempter, and 
 then his slave, she has become his helpmate, 
 his counsellor, his friend, the object of his 
 most affectionate solicitude, the sharer of his 
 dignity, and the partaker in his highest enjoy- 
 ments. 
 
 When we compare the situation of wo- 
 man, too, in our privileged land, with what it 
 is even now in countries where the Christian 
 religion less universally prevails, we cannot 
 
 help exclaiming, that of all women upon 
 earth, those who live under the salutary in- 
 fluence of British laws and British institu- 
 tion?, have the deepest cause for gratitude. 
 And can the daughters of Britain be regard- 
 less of these considerations 1 Will they not 
 rather study how to pay back to their coun- 
 try, in the cultivation and exercise of their 
 best feelings, the innumerable advantages 
 they are thus deriving. And what is the 
 sacrifice 7 Oh, blessed dispensation of love ! 
 that we are never so happy as when feel- 
 ing grateful, and never so well employed, as 
 when acting upon this feeling ! 
 
 While, then, they begin first by retracing 
 all the little rills of kindness by which their 
 cup of benefit has been filled, let them not 
 pause in thought, until they have counted up 
 every item of that vast catalogue of blessings 
 which extend from human instrumentality, to 
 divine ; nor let them pause in action, until 
 they have rendered every return which it is 
 possible for a finite being, aided by watchful- 
 ness and prayer, to make. 
 
 What a subject for contemplation does this 
 view of gratitude afford, to those who say 
 they find nothing to interest them in human 
 life ! What a field of exercise for those who 
 complain that they find nothing to do ! 
 
 Affection, too, is a subject in which the in- 
 terests of woman are deeply involved, be- 
 cause affection in a peculiar manner consti- 
 tutes her wealth. Beyond the sphere of her 
 affections, she has nothing, and is nothing. 
 Let her talents be what they may, without af- 
 fection they can only be compared to a splen- 
 did casket, where the gem is wanting. Af- 
 fection, like gratitude, must begin at home. 
 Let no man choose for the wife of his bosom, 
 a woman whose affections are not warm, and 
 cordial, and ever flowing forth at her own 
 fireside. Yet there are young women whose 
 behavior in society, and among those whom 
 they call their friend?, exhibits every sign of 
 genuine affection, who are yet cold, indiffer- 
 ent, and inconsiderate to their brotht 
 ters, and parents. These are the women 
 against whom men ought to be especially 
 warned, for sure I am, that such affection
 
 GRATITUDE AND AFFECTION. 
 
 85 
 
 ought never to be trusted to, as that which 
 is only called into life by the sunshine of so- 
 ciety, or the excitement of transient inter- 
 course with comparative strangers. 
 
 Affection also resembles gratitude in this, 
 that the more we bestow, the more we feel, 
 provided only it is bestowed upon safe and 
 suitable objects. It is the lavish and reckless 
 expenditure of this treasure in early life, and 
 simply under the direction of fancy, without 
 regard to natural claims, which so often leaves 
 the heart of its possessor poor, and cold, and 
 joyless. 
 
 Here, then, the claims of nature and of 
 home may always be attended to with safety. 
 No young girl can be too affectionate at home, 
 because the demerits of a brother, a sister, or 
 a parent, except in some rare and peculiar 
 instances, constitute no disqualification for be- 
 ing the recipients either of her gratitude or 
 her affection. But her approval and her ad- 
 miration must still be kept distinct, lest her 
 affection for an unworthy relative should ren- 
 der her insensible to the exact line of demar- 
 cation between moral good and evil. Were 
 it not thus wisely and mercifully permitted us 
 to continue to love our nearest connections, 
 even when not deserving of general esteem, 
 where would the prodigal, or the outcast, be 
 able to find a shelter, when the horrors of a 
 wounded conscience might drive them back 
 from the ways of guilt 1 The mother's heart 
 is subject to a higher, holier law than that 
 which separates her erring child from the fel- 
 lowship of mankind ; the father meets his re- 
 turning son while yet afar off; and the sister 
 can she withhold her welcome ? can she 
 neglect the study of all those little arts of love, 
 by which a father's home may be rendered as 
 alluring as the world 7 
 
 While the young of both sexes are suffer- 
 ing from the consequences of a system of ed- 
 ucation, under which the cultivation of moral 
 principle bears no proportion to the cultiva- 
 tion of the intellectual powers, it is desirable 
 to offer all the assistance we can in the im- 
 provement of that portion of human charac- 
 ter which is at once the most important and 
 the most neglected. In order to strengthen 
 
 the good resolutions of those who are really 
 desirous of paying the attention and the re- 
 spect to old age which is justly its due, I would 
 suggest to the accomplished young reader, an 
 idea which it is highly probable may never 
 before have crossed her mind, but which I 
 feel assured will stain her cheek with shame, 
 if she has ever allowed herself to treat her pa- 
 rents, or even her grand-parents with con- 
 tempt, as inferior in the scale of consideration 
 to herself, because of their want of mental 
 cultivation. 
 
 Let her remember, then, whatever their de- 
 ficiency in other points of wisdom may be, 
 that there is one in which they must be her 
 superiors. She may occasionally be obliged 
 to correcT their grammatical inaccuracies ; 
 she may be able not only to dazzle them with 
 her accomplishments, but even to baffle them 
 in argument ; yet there is one fundamental 
 part of true knowledge, in consideration of 
 which, every youthful head must bow to age. 
 Not ten thousand times the sum of money 
 expended on your education would be suffi- 
 cient to purchase this treasure of human wis- 
 dom for you. And there sits the aged wo- 
 man, with her white locks, and her feeble 
 hands, a by-word, and perhaps a jest, from 
 the very helplessness of worn-out nature ; yet, 
 all the while, this humble and neglected being 
 may be rich in the wealth which princes are 
 too poor to buy ; for she is rich in experience, 
 and that is where you are poor. The simple 
 being you despise has lived to see the work- 
 ing out of many systems, the end of many 
 beginnings, the detection of much falsehood, 
 the development of much truth ; in short, 
 the operation of principles upon the lives and 
 conduct of men ; and here, in this most im- 
 portant point of wisdom, you are you must 
 be her inferior. 
 
 The wisdom of experience, independently 
 of every other consideration, presents a strong 
 claim upon the respectful attention of youth, 
 in cases where propriety of conduct is a dis- 
 puted point between parent and child. Young 
 persons sometimes think their parents too se- 
 vere in the instructions they would enforce ; 
 but let it ever be remembered, that those pa-
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 rents have experience to direct them ; and 
 that, while the child is influenced only by in- 
 clination, or opinion, founded upon what 
 must at least be a very limited and superfi- 
 cial knowledge of things in general, the opin- 
 ion of the parent is founded upon facts, 
 which have occurred during a far longer ac- 
 quaintance with human nature, and with 
 what is called the world. 
 
 Let the experience of the aged, then, be 
 weighed against your modern acquirements, 
 and even without the exercise of natural af- 
 fection, we find that they are richly entitled 
 to your respectful attention. But there is 
 something beyond this consideration in the 
 overflowing of the warm and buoyant feel- 
 igs of youth, which so naturally ami so beau- 
 tifully supply the requirements of old age, that 
 scarcely can we picture to ourselves a situa- 
 tion more congenial to the daughters of Eng- 
 land, than one of those fireside scenes, where 
 venerated age is treated with the gratitude 
 and affection which ought ever to be consid- 
 ered as its due. 
 
 It sometimes happens that the cares and 
 the anxieties of parental love have a second 
 time to be endured by those who have had to 
 mourn the loss of their immediate offspring. 
 Perhaps a family of orphan sons and daugh- 
 ters have become their charge, at a time oi 
 life when they had but little strength of body, 
 or buoyancy of spirit, to encounter the turbu- 
 lence of childhood, and the waywardness o1 
 youth. How admirably, then, are the char- 
 acter and the constitution of woman adapted 
 to the part which it becomes her duty and 
 her privilege to act. Even the kindest among 
 boys would scarcely know how to accommo- 
 date himself to the peculiarities of old age 
 But woman has an intuitive perception o 
 these things ; and the little playful girl can be 
 gentle and still, the moment she sees that her 
 restlessness or loud mirth would offend. 
 
 And what woman, I would ask, was ever 
 less estimable for this early exercise of self 
 discipline 1 None can begin too soon. The 
 labor of love is never difficult, except to thosi 
 who have put off compliance with this sacre( 
 duty until too late in life ; or who, while th 
 
 flections of the heart were young and warm, 
 lave centred them in self, and lived for self 
 alone. The social scenes upon which imagi- 
 nation loves to dwell, are those where self 
 las never found a place among the house- 
 lold gods. They are those where the daugh- 
 ers of a family, from the oldest to the very 
 nfant, are all too happy in the exercise of 
 their affections, to think of self. Theirs is a 
 relative existence, and their enjoyments con- 
 sist more in giving than receiving. Affec- 
 tions thus cherished in the' cordial intercourse 
 of home, may early be sent forth on errands 
 of kindness to all who are fortunate enough 
 to come within the sphere of their opera- 
 tions ; and happy is the man who chooses 
 from such a family the companion of his 
 earthly lot ! 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLOTATION. 
 
 How much of what is most lovely, and 
 most valuable to us in the course of our 
 earthly experience, arises out of the poverty 
 and the feebleness of our nature. Friend- 
 ship would never have existed, but for the 
 absolute want of the human heart, from its 
 utter inability to perform the functions of life 
 without a participator in its joys, a recipient 
 of its secrets, and a soother of its sorrows. 
 
 Youth is the season when we most feel this 
 want ; later in life, we learn as it were to 
 stand alone. Interests and claims, which 
 have little to do with the affections, press up- 
 on us on every hand, and hem us into a nar- 
 row and accustomed path, from which there 
 is little temptation to deviate. But in youth 
 we seem to walk at large, with no boundary 
 to our horizon ; and the fear and uncertain- 
 ty which necessarily attend our movements, 
 render a companion, with whom we may con- 
 sult, deliberate, and sympathize, absolutely 
 necessary to our cheerfulness and support. 
 
 It is a subject of surprise to many, that the 
 young so seldom enter into close and intimate
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLIRTATION. 
 
 87 
 
 friendship with the members of their own 
 family. Were this more frequently the case, 
 how much more candor and simplicity of 
 heart would mingle with the intercourse of 
 friends ! To the members of our own fami- 
 ly, we must of necessity appear as we really 
 are. No false or flattering aspect can de- 
 ceive those whose eyes are constantly upon 
 our conduct ; and we are consequently less 
 tempted to put forward our best feelings before 
 them, in the hope of concealing our worst. 
 In such intimacies the nearest friends have 
 the least suspicion of each other's truth. Af- 
 ter-circumstances can bring forth no unex- 
 pected development of character on either 
 side ; nor can there be the wounded feeling, 
 which falsehood, however unpremeditated or 
 unconsciously practised, never fails to pro- 
 duce. Again, there would be the strength of 
 natural ties to mingle with this bond the rec- 
 ollections of childhood, the oft-repeated for- 
 giveness, the gratitude to which allusion has 
 already been made all these would blend to- 
 gether in a union the most sacred, and the 
 most secure, which perhaps is ever found on 
 earth. 
 
 Nor do I scruple to call this union the most 
 secure, because it is the only intimacy in 
 which every thing can with propriety be told. 
 There are private histories belonging to every 
 fanyly, which, though they operate powerful- 
 ly upon individual happiness, ought never to 
 be named beyond the home-circle ; and there 
 are points of difference in character, and 
 mutual misapprehensions, with instances of 
 wounded feeling, and subjects of reproof and 
 correction, which never can be so freely 
 touched upon, even in the most perfect union 
 of conjugal affection. On this subject, how- 
 ever, I have already spoken so fully in an- 
 other work,* that little room is left for further 
 notice here : I will, therefore, only allude to 
 some of the causes which I believe most fre- 
 quently operate against young persons choos- 
 ing their confidants at home, and especially 
 for the communication of their religious feel- 
 ings or impressions. 
 
 * The Women of England. 
 
 It is a melancholy thought, that the want of 
 consistency in the private and domestic habits 
 of religious professors, may possibly be the 
 means of inducing young persons to seek their 
 spiritual advisers among those with whom 
 they are less intimately acquainted, and of 
 whom they have consequently formed a high- 
 er estimate ; while, on the other hand, a dif- 
 fidence of themselves, perhaps a misgiving, 
 both as to their past and future conduct, ren- 
 ders them unwilling to communicate fully and 
 freely with those who daily watch their steps, 
 lest the suspicion of hypocrisy should fall up- 
 on them for having given utterance to senti- 
 ments and emotions, so much at variance 
 with the general course of their lives. 
 
 That these hindrances to home-confidence 
 should sometimes exist, where the parties are 
 perfectly sincere in their good intentions, I am 
 quite prepared to believe ; but there are oth- 
 er cases, and perhaps more frequent ones, in 
 which the sincerity is less perfect, where the 
 dread of being committed to any particular 
 line of conduct consistent with the sentiments 
 or emotions expressed, operates against their 
 being so much as spoken of to any who com- 
 pose the family circle. 
 
 It would be taking a dark view of human 
 nature, indeed, to suppose that those who 
 know us best are less disposed than strangers 
 to attach themselves to us ; yet, I would ask 
 the young aspirant to intimacy with a new 
 acquaintance, whether she is entering upon 
 that intimacy with a sincere and candid wish 
 to be to that friend exactly what she is at 
 home"? If not, she is, to all intents and pur- 
 poses, a deceiver. And there is much deceit 
 in all our early friendships, though I am far 
 from supposing it to be all intentional. In- 
 deed, I am convinced it is not, because this 
 heart-searching process is what few young 
 persons submit to, before commencing an in- 
 timacy. 
 
 In friendship, as well as in all other recip- 
 rocal engagements, it is highly important to 
 limit our expectations of benefit according to 
 the exact measure of our deserts; and by 
 this means we may avoid many of those bit- 
 ter disappointments, for which the world is
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 so unjustly and unsparingly blamed. The 
 world is bad enough ; but let us be honest, 
 and take our share of condemnation, for 
 making at least one item of the world such 
 as it is ; and by thus acquiring the habit of 
 strict and candid self-examination in early 
 life, we see ihat we have little right to charge 
 the world with falsehood, when our first en- 
 gagement, beyond the circle of our own fam- 
 ily, has been entered into by a system of de- 
 ceit 
 
 There is, too, a rashness and impetuosity 
 in the formation of early friendships, which 
 of themselves are sufficient to render such 
 intimacies uncertain, and of short duration. 
 Few characters can be considered as really 
 formed, under the age of twenty-one, or 
 twenty-five ; yet friendships sometimes be- 
 gin at a much earlier date. It is not in na- 
 ture, then, that the friend we loved at sixteen, 
 should be the same to us at twenty-six ; or 
 that the features of our own character should 
 have undergone no change during that pe- 
 riod. Yet it must not be called falsehood, or 
 fickleness either, which causes such friend- 
 ships to fail. It is consistent with the laws 
 of reason, and of nature, that they should 
 do so ; for had the same individuals who 
 thus deplore each other's falsehood, met for 
 the first time at the age of twenty-six, they' 
 would probably each have been the very last 
 which the other would have chosen as a 
 friend. 
 
 Again, there must be an equality in friend- 
 ship, to render it either lasting or desirable 
 an equality not only in rank and elation, but, 
 as far as may be, in intellectual advantages. 
 However warm may be the attachment of 
 two friends of different rank in society, they 
 must occasionally be involved in dilemmas, 
 from which it is impossible to escape without 
 wounded feeling, either on one side or both. 
 Each of these friends, it must be remembered, 
 will have her relatives and connections, 
 through whom her pride will be perpetually 
 subject to imaginary insult, and her suscepti- 
 bility to real pain. Those who are inferior in 
 mind are, however, much more objectionable 
 as friends, than those who are inferior only 
 
 in worldly circumstances ; because they must 
 always be incapable of judging of persons 
 more highly gifted than themselves, and thus 
 they will bestow their praise and their blame 
 with equal injustice. The ignorant, too, are 
 always prejudiced; and, therefore, in the 
 choice of friends whose minds are unen- 
 lightened, the young must necessarily incur 
 the risk -of imbibing opinions formed upon 
 false conclusions, which in all probability will 
 exercise a powerful influence upon the whole 
 of their subsequent lives. 
 
 Young people are too apt to think the 
 only use of talent is to interest in conversa- 
 tion ; if, then, they find themselves interested 
 without it, they are satisfied to dispense with 
 this quality in a friend. But how empty 
 how unprofitable must become that intimacy 
 where mind is not taken into account how 
 worthless, how unsatisfactory in every case 
 of trial, the society of that friend who cannot 
 advise, as well as pity ! 
 
 Were it not for equality being requisite to 
 fhe mutual participation of the pleasures of 
 friendship, I should strongly recommend all 
 young persons to seek a friend among those 
 who are older, and more experienced than 
 themselves. In this case, however, too much 
 must not be expected in return, for it is 
 scarcely possible that the confiding intimacy 
 of a young girl should always be interesting, 
 or even acceptable to a woman more ad- 
 vanced in life ; unless, indeed, the kindness 
 of relationship should render the office of the 
 elder confidant a welcome duty. 
 
 Regardless of these wholesome rules, it is 
 more than probable that the greater part of 
 my young readers will go on forming inti- 
 macies according to circumstances, or indi- 
 vidual fancy, and with little reference to fu- 
 ture consequences. In time, however, some 
 of these intimacies will become irksome, 
 while others will die away. It will then be- 
 come a serious question, " Whom shall I en- 
 deavor to retain as friends]" Try, then, to 
 ascertain, in this stage of your short experi- 
 ence, whose society has had the happiest 
 effect upon your own character ; and let not 
 this great question remain unsettled, until
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLIRTATION. 
 
 you have ascertained, with regard to each one 
 of the individuals who have composed your 
 circle of nominal friends, whether they have 
 generally left you better or worse for a day 
 spent in their company more willing to 
 submit to the requirements of religious duty, 
 or more disposed to consider those require- 
 ments unreasonable and severe. 
 
 The pleasure or amusement immediately 
 derived from the society of an individual, is 
 a dangerous and deceitful test by which to 
 try the value of their friendship ; but the di- 
 rect influence of their society upon our own 
 state of mind, not while they are with us, 
 but after the charm of their society is with- 
 drawn, is a means of judging, which no ra- 
 tional and responsible being ought to neglect 
 
 If, for instance, in the circle of our favorite 
 associates, there is one who habitually awa- 
 kens the laughter of merriment, and charms 
 into magic fleetness the hours you pass to- 
 gether ; yet if the same individual leaves 
 you flat, and dull, and indisposed for the use- 
 ful and less pleasing occupations of life ; be- 
 ware of making her your friend. But if 
 there be another who, possibly less amusing 
 at the time you converse together, yet leaves 
 you raised above the common level of expe- 
 rience, by the support of true and lofty prin- 
 ciples ; disposed to reject what is false or 
 mean, and to lay hold on what is good ; 
 liftea out of the slavery of what is worldly 
 or trifling, and made stronger in every gen- 
 erous purpose, and every laudable endeavor; 
 let the friendship of that individual be bound 
 around your heart, and cherished to the end 
 of life, as one of the richest blessings per- 
 mitted us to enjoy on earth. 
 
 By this rule, those who are candidates for 
 our friendship, may safely be tried ; but there 
 is yet a closer test, which must be applied to 
 friendship itself. If the friend you have cho- 
 sen, never attempts to correct your faults, or 
 make you better than you are, she is not 
 worthy of the name ; nor ought she to be 
 fully confided in, whatever may be the ex- 
 tent of her kindness to you, or the degree of 
 her admiration of your character. 
 
 Having well chosen your friend, the next 
 
 thing is, to trust her, and to show that you 
 do so. Mutual trust is the strongest cement 
 of all earthly attachments. We are so con- 
 scious of weakness ourselves, that v^ need 
 this support from others ; and no compliment 
 paid to the ear of vanity was ever yet so 
 powerful in its influence, as even trie sim- 
 plest proof of being trusted. The one may 
 excite a momentary thrill of pleasure, the 
 other serves, for many an after day, to nour- 
 ish the life-springs of a warm and generous 
 heart. 
 
 It is needless to say how effectually a sus- 
 picious, or a jealous temper, destroys this 
 truth. If we really loved our friends as we 
 ought, and as we probably profess to love 
 them, we should be less watchful of their 
 conduct towards ourselves, than of ours to 
 them ; nor should we grudge them the inti- 
 macy of other friends, when conducive to 
 their enjoyment, if our own attachment was 
 based upon pure and disinterested affection. 
 Friendship, which is narrowed up between 
 two individuals, and confined to that number 
 alone, is calculated only for the intercourse 
 of married life, and seldom has been main- 
 tained with any degree of lasting benefit or 
 satisfaction, even by the most romantic and 
 affectionate of women. True friendship is 
 of a more liberal and expansive nature, and 
 seldom flourishes so well as when extended 
 through a circle. A circle of young female 
 friends, who love and trust each other, who 
 mutually agree to support the weak in their 
 little community, to confirm the irresolute, to 
 reclaim the erring, to soothe the irritable, and 
 to solace the distressed ; what a realization 
 does this picture present of the brightest 
 dreams of imagination, when we think what 
 woman might be in this world to her own 
 sex, and to the community at large ! 
 
 And is this, then, too much to expect from 
 the daughters of England that woman should 
 be true to woman 1 In the circle of her pri- 
 vate friends, as well as from her own heart, 
 she learns what constitutes the happiness and 
 the misery of woman, what is her weakness 
 and what her need, what her bane and what 
 her blessing. She learns to comprehend the
 
 90 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 deep mystery of that electric chain of feeling 
 which ever vibrates through the heart of wo- 
 man, and which man, with all his philosophy, 
 can never understand. She learns that every 
 touch of that chain is like the thrilling of a 
 nerve ; and she thus acquires a power pecu- 
 liar to herself, of distinguishing exactly be- 
 tween the links which thrill with pleasure, 
 and those which only thrill with pain. 
 
 Thus, while her sympathy and her tender- 
 ness for a chosen few is strengthened by the 
 bond of friendship into which she has entered, 
 though her confidence is still confined to them, 
 a measure of the same sympathy and tender- 
 ness is extended to the whole sisterhood of 
 her sex, until, in reality, she becomes what 
 woman ever must be in her noblest, purest, 
 holiest character the friend of woman. 
 
 What should we think of a community of 
 slaves, who betrayed each other's interests ? 
 of a little band of shipwrecked mariners upon 
 a friendless shore, who were false to each 
 other? of the inhabitants of a defenceless na- 
 tion, who would not unite together in earnest- 
 ness and good faith against a common enemy 1 
 We are accustomed to hear, of the meanness 
 of the powerful, when they forsake the weak ; 
 but there is a meanness of a lower grade 
 when the weak forsake each other. 
 
 No party, however, can be weak, which 
 has truth for its element, and love for its bond 
 of union. Women are only weak in their 
 vanity, their selfishness, their falsehood to 
 each other. In their integrity, their faithful- 
 ness, their devoted affection, they rise to an 
 almost superhuman eminence ; because they 
 are strong in the elements of immaterial be- 
 ing, and powerful in the nature which is ca- 
 pable, when regenerated, of being shared 
 with angels. 
 
 From the nature of true friendship, we turn 
 to the consideration of what are its require- 
 ments. These, also, are mutual. If we ex- 
 pect to receive, we must be studious to give. 
 An interchange of kind offices and evident 
 proofs of affection are essential to the vitality 
 of friendship ; avoiding, however, the slightest 
 approach to any thing like a debtor and 
 creditor account of the number of presents 
 
 given or received, or even of the number of 
 letters exchanged. 
 
 It seems a strange anomaly in friendship, 
 that young persons, however ardently attach- 
 ed, should so seldom write, except when a 
 letter is considered to be due by a certain 
 length of time having elapsed since the last 
 was received. It often happens, that one 
 friend is particularly engaged, while the other 
 has an abundance of unoccupied time ; but 
 a letter is still required by the idle party, or 
 the love which she thinks so glowing and so 
 tender, finds no channel of expression to her 
 friend. Perhaps a friend is ill ; and then is 
 the time, above all others, when real love 
 would dictate a succession of kind letters, 
 such as would not tax the afflicted, or the 
 feeble one, with the effort of making any re- 
 turn. There is, in fact, a mystery about the 
 letter-writing of young women, which I have 
 never been able fully to understand. It oc- 
 cupies their time ; it used to drain their purses, 
 or the purses of their friends ! it calls forth 
 more complaining than almost any thing else 
 they have to do ; the letters they receive are 
 seldom fraught with much interest ; and yet 
 they plunge into this reciprocity of annoyance, 
 as if the chief business of life was to be wri- 
 ing or receiving letters. 
 
 Still, I am very far from supposing that 
 this means of interchanging sentiment nd 
 thought, might not be rendered highly bene- 
 ficial to the youthful mind ; because I believe 
 writing is of great importance as a branch of 
 education. Without this habit, few persons, 
 and especially women, think definitely. The 
 accustomed occupation of their minds is that 
 of musing ; and they are, consequently, sel- 
 dom able to disentangle a single clear idea 
 from the currant of vague thoughts, which 
 they suffer perpetually to flow, and which 
 affords them a constant, but, at the same time, 
 a profitless amusement, in the variety of ideas 
 it presents, alike without form, and void. 
 But, in order to write with any degree of per- 
 spicuity, we are, to a certain extent, compel- 
 led to think ; and consequently, the habit of 
 writing letters, if 4V -~ subject-matter be well 
 chosen, might be rendered highly advantage-
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLIRTATION. 
 
 01 
 
 ous to young women, who, on the termina- 
 tion of their scholastic exercises, require, more 
 than at any other time of life, some frequently 
 recurring mental occupation, to render their 
 education complete. 
 
 The art of writing a really good letter ranks 
 unquestionably among the most valuable ac- 
 complishments of woman, and next to that 
 of conversing well. In both cases, the first 
 thing to be avoided, is common-place; be- 
 cause, whatever partakes of the natureof com- 
 mon-place, is not only vulgar, but ineffective. 
 
 I know not how I can better define this 
 term, so frequently used, and so little under- 
 stood, than by saying that common-place con- 
 sists chiefly in speaking of things by their 
 little qualities, rather than their great ones. 
 Thus it is common-place to speak of religious 
 persons as using cant, to speak of distinguish- 
 ed characters as being well or ill-dressed, and 
 to speak of the works of Shakspeare as be- 
 ing peculiar in their style. It is also common- 
 place to use those expressions of kindness, or 
 sympathy, which custom has led us to expect 
 as a matter of course. And we never feel 
 this more, than in cases of affliction or death ; 
 because there is a kind of set phraseology 
 made use.of on such occasions, which those 
 who really feel would often be glad to vary, 
 if they only knew how. It is common-place 
 to speak of some fact as recently discovered, 
 to those who have long known it. But above 
 all that is genuine in common-place, the kind 
 of flattery generally adopted by men, when 
 they mean to address themselves pleasantly 
 to women, deserves the credit of pre-emi- 
 nence. Indeed, so deficient, for the most 
 part, is this flattery, in point, originality, and 
 adaptation, that I have known sensible wo- 
 men, who felt more really flattered by the 
 most humiliating truths, even plainly spoken ; 
 because such treatment implied a confidence 
 in their strength of mind and good sense, in 
 being able to bear it. 
 
 Common-place letters are such as, but for 
 the direction, would have done as well for 
 any other individual as the one to whom they 
 are addressed. In description especially, it 
 is desirable to avoid common-place. A cor- 
 
 respondent making a tour of the Lakes, tells 
 you that on such a day she set off to the sum- 
 mit of Helvellyn. That the first part of the 
 ascent was steep and difficult, the latter more 
 easy ; that the view from the summit was 
 magnificent, extending over so many lakes, 
 and so many other mountains ; and there 
 ends the story ; and well for you, if it does 
 end there. But such writers unfortunately 
 often go on through a whole catalogi^e of 
 beauties and sublimities, no single one of 
 which they set before you in such a manner 
 as to render it one whit more attractive, or in- 
 deed more peculiar in any of its features, 
 than the king's highway. 
 
 In the vain hope of avoiding common- 
 place, some young writers have recourse to 
 extravagant expressions when describing lit- 
 tle things ; a mode of writing, which, besides 
 being the medium of falsehood, leaves them 
 in the uncomfortable predicament of having 
 no language adequate to what is great. 
 
 It is difficult to say what is the direct 
 opposite of common-place, without giving 
 lengthened quotations from the best style of 
 epistolary correspondence, with which the lit- 
 erature of our country during the last cen- 
 tury abounds. There is a quality both in 
 writing and conversation, to which I can 
 give no other name than freshness, which is 
 not only opposite in its nature and effect to 
 common-place, but on which I believe de- 
 pends more than half the pleasure and amuse- 
 ment we derive from the intercourse of mind 
 with mind. Few persons possess this charm ; 
 because few are humble enough to suppose 
 that it would be any advantage to them ; 
 and those who do, are always in danger of 
 losing it by writing too much. The letters of 
 a woman of moderate abilities, and limited 
 sphere of observation, may possess this great 
 beauty ; while those of a more highly gifted, 
 or accomplished writer, may want it ; be- 
 cause it must ever depend upon a capability 
 of receiving vivid impressions, combined with 
 a certain degree of simplicity of heart. 
 
 The first consideration in commencing a 
 letter should be, " What is my object in wri- 
 ting it?" If simply for the relief of your own
 
 92 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 mind you take up the pen, remember that 
 such a communication can only be justified 
 by pressing and peculiar circumstances, and 
 that it ought only to be addressed to the 
 nearest and dearest of your friends, whose 
 love for you is of such a nature as to pardon 
 so selfish an act 
 
 A higher object in writing, is to give pleas- 
 ure, or afford benefit, to an absent friend ; it 
 is therefore necessary to place yourself in 
 idea in her circumstances, and consider what 
 she would most wish to know. If her affec- 
 tion for you be such, and such I am aware 
 affection often is, that she has no desire be- 
 yond that of receiving intelligence concerning 
 yourself, let your descriptions of your state 
 and circumstances be clear and fresh ; so that 
 she may see you as you really are, and, as it 
 were, live with you through the enjoyments 
 or the trials of every day. How strong and 
 lively may be the impressions thus conveyed 
 how deep the interest they excite, provided 
 only the writer will condescend to be suffi- 
 ciently simple sufficiently sincere ! ' 
 
 It is, however, only under peculiar circum- 
 stances, such as change of scene and situa- 
 tion, that young persons can have much of 
 this kind to communicate. What then are 
 they to say ? Shall the minute details of fam- 
 ily affairs be raked up, to fill their letters! 
 This is at least a dangerous alternative, more 
 especially as it too frequently induces a habit 
 of exaggeration, in order to make what is 
 called " a good story" out of a mere trifle ; 
 and thus, that worst kind of falsehood, which 
 is partly true, becomes perpetuated through 
 the medium of pen and paper. 
 
 To avoid this danger on the one hand, 
 and the weariness of writing without any 
 thing to say, on the other, would it not be 
 practicable for young women to agree, for 
 their own improvement and that of their 
 friends, to correspond on some given subject, 
 and if unequal to the task of treating it in a 
 style of an essay, they might at least relate 
 to each other some important or amusing 
 facts, which they had met with in the course 
 of their reading, and by relating them in their 
 own language, and <hen comparing them with 
 
 that of the author, they would be learning 
 valuable lessons in the art of composition ! 
 for of all kinds of style, that of easy narrative 
 is the most useful. 
 
 The study of nature in this department of 
 menta4 improvement, might be made to afford 
 a never-failing source of interest, both for in- 
 dividual thought and familiar communication. 
 The peculiarities of plants and animals, and 
 even the different traits of human character 
 developed by people of different countries 
 and grades of society, might all contribute to 
 the same object, so as in time to displace 
 from the page of female correspondence, the 
 trifling, the common-place, or the more mis- 
 chievous gossip, which that page too gener- 
 ally unfolds. 
 
 In speaking of a mutual interchange of 
 tokens of affection being essential to the vi- 
 tality of friendship, I am far from including 
 under this head, those expressions of endear- 
 ment which are sometimes used by young 
 women, so indiscriminately, as entirely to 
 lose their individual force and value. Indeed, 
 I am not quite, sure that terms of endearment 
 made use of as a matter of course, are desi- 
 rable under any circumstances ; because there 
 will be occasions, even with the most warmly 
 attached, when the tones of the voice, and 
 the expression of the countenance, indicate 
 any thing but love ; and having heard these 
 tender epithets still made use of on such oc- 
 casions, it is scarcely possible to retain our 
 value for them when applied with real ten- 
 derness and respect It also frequently hap- 
 pens, where these epithets are commonly 
 used, that the very individual who has just 
 been speaking to us injuriously of another, 
 turns to the injured party with the same ex- 
 pression of endearment so frequently applied 
 to ourselves, and which we consequently be- 
 come extremely willing to dispense with for 
 the future. 
 
 It is the peculiar nature of friendship, that 
 it will not be mocked. All manner of weak- 
 ness, and a fearful sum of follies and trans- 
 gression?, it is willing to bear with ; but faith- 
 fulness is a requisite without which it is im- 
 possible it should continue to exist It is not
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLIRTATION. 
 
 93 
 
 necessary, in order to be faithful to our friends, 
 that we should be always praising them, nor 
 yet that we should praise them more than 
 they deserve. So far from this, we do them 
 real injury by too much praise, because it al- 
 ways occasions disappointment in those who 
 cultivate their acquaintance upon the strength 
 of our evidence in their favor. Nor is it 
 necessary, when we hear their characters 
 discussed in company, to defend them against 
 every charge ; at least to deny their having 
 those faults which are conspicuous to every 
 eye. But one thing is necessary on such 
 occasions that a friend should be ever 
 prompt and anxious to bring forward the 
 evidence which remains on the side of virtue, 
 so far as it may be done with prudence and 
 delicacy. 
 
 The indulgence of caprice is another evil 
 prevalent among the young, with which 
 friendship disdains that her claims should be 
 put in competition. Capricious persons are 
 those who frequently choose to act under a 
 momentary impulse, in a manner opposed to 
 the general and acknowledged rule of their 
 conduct and feelings. Thus the social com- 
 panion of yesterday, may choose to be a 
 stranger to-day. She may have no unkind- 
 ness in her heart towards you, yet it may 
 suit her mood to meet as if you had never 
 met before. She may have no desire to give 
 you pain, yet her looks may be as forbidding, 
 and her manners as repulsive, as if she had 
 never loved you. She may be habitually 
 cheerful, yet her humor may be to hang 
 her head, and lower her brow, and hardly 
 articulate an answer when you speak to her. 
 
 It is scarcely necessary to say, that few 
 things are more ruinous to friendship, and to 
 domestic and social happiness in general, 
 than caprice ; because its very nature is to 
 render every one uncertain, and to chill, to 
 wound, or to irritate all with whom it comes 
 in contact ; while friendship requires that 
 you should always be the same ; and nothing 
 can be more painful to the feelings of a friend, 
 than to find that caprice, or the indulgence 
 of your own humor, is a matter of more 
 importance to you than her happiness. Such 
 
 wounds, however, are happily not incurable. 
 Friendship, thus repulsed, is soon withdrawn ; 
 and the capricious woman has the satisfac- 
 tion of finding herself left at last to the enjoy- 
 ment of her different moods alone. There 
 is, in short, something in the very nature of 
 caprice so selfish and ungenerous, so opposed 
 to all the requirements of affection, that in 
 no connection in life, except where the tie is 
 indissoluble, can it long be endured. 
 
 But whiie we are justified in acting upon 
 the repulsion which caprice so naturally ex- 
 cites, there are other trials which, if true, 
 friendship must submit to endure ; because 
 they necessarily spring out of the nature of 
 the human heart, and, instead of being 
 checked by the influence of society, they are 
 fostered by it, and subsist upon the very ele- 
 ments of which it is composed. One of these 
 evils is a spurious kind of social intercourse, 
 falsely denominated friendship, which, unfor- 
 tunately, sometimes links itself with the true. 
 I say falsely, for that friendship is not worthy 
 the name, which is founded upon tale-bear- 
 ing and detraction. Yet, how much of the 
 intimacy of young women consists in the 
 magnifying and telling of little troubles, par- 
 ticularly of a domestic nature, and most com- 
 monly injurious to some member of the 
 household to which they belong. 
 
 Let the young be especially warned against 
 this most insidious and most dangerous 
 temptation ; and let them be assured, that 
 there are few causes of more bitter repent- 
 ance in after life, than the reflection that they 
 have thus wantonly made themselves enemies 
 to those of their own house. There is one 
 fact which ought of itself to deter them from 
 the indulgence of this habit. It is, that 
 friendship based *on such a foundation is 
 never lasting. No ; friendship must have 
 love, not hate, for its element If the inti- 
 macy of youth consists in evil speaking, and 
 injurious thoughts, it soon becomes assimi- 
 lated with the poisonous aliment on which it 
 feeds. The friend becomes an enemy ; and 
 what is the consequence 7 The shafts of 
 slander are turned against yourself, and the 
 dark secrets vou have revealed, go forth to
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 the world as swift witnesses against you, as 
 well as against those to whom duty and nat- 
 ural affection should have kept you true. 
 
 Besides which, there are few cases of hu- 
 man conduct where inexperienced youth can 
 be a correct or sufficient judge. It may ap- 
 pear to you at the time you speak of family 
 grievances, that a' parent has been too severe, 
 that a sister has been selfish, or that a brother 
 has been unjust But you are not even ca- 
 pable of judging of yourself, as f egards the 
 impression produced by your own behavior 
 upon others ; how then can you pronounce 
 upon the motives of others in their behavior 
 to you ? more especially how are you to lift 
 the veil of experience, and penetrate the deep 
 mysteries of parental love 1 yet, how other- 
 wise are you to understand 
 
 " The secrets of the folded heart 
 That seemed to thee so stern ?" 
 
 There are hordes of human beings, once 
 partakers with us in the privileges and en- 
 joyments of our native land, now branded 
 with infamy, and toiling in chains upon a dis- 
 tant shore, who have to regret, when too late, 
 some guilty theft committed in early youth 
 upon the property of a confiding and indul- 
 gent master. And the voice of our country 
 cries out against them for the injury and in- 
 gratitude, as well as for the injustice, of what 
 they have done. And is it possible that with- 
 in the fair and polished circles of the same 
 favored land, where woman blooms and 
 smiles, and youth is radiant with joy, and 
 happy in the security of domestic peace is 
 it possible that woman can so far forget her 
 heart- warm affection, her truth, her devoted- 
 ness of soul, as, while her hands are pure 
 from the contamination oflso foul a crime as 
 theft, to permit her tongue to be the instru- 
 ment of injury more deep than robbery 
 more bitter than the loss of wealth 1 
 
 We will not we cannot believe it ; be- 
 cause the time is coming when the daughters 
 of England, admonished of their duties on 
 every hand, will learn to look, not to the 
 mere gratification of an idle moment, in wha 
 they say, and what they do, but to the eter 
 
 nal principles of right and wrong ; and to the 
 jreat balance in which human actions are 
 weighed, in reference not only to .time, but to 
 eternity. 
 
 It is good for many reasons that youth 
 hould early acquire a habit of checking its 
 own impulses, and never is this more impor- 
 tant than when under temptation to speak 
 njuriously of others. A few years more of 
 ;xperience, a few more instances of personal 
 trial, a little more self-knowledge, and a little 
 more observation of others, will in all proba- 
 bility open your understandings to an entirely 
 altered view of human nature, of the motives 
 which influence the conduct of mankind, as 
 well as of the claims of affection, when com- 
 bined with those of duty. You will then see 
 how unjust have been your first conclusions, 
 how your thoughts have wronged those 
 whom you were unable to understand ; and 
 happy will it be for you when making this dis- 
 covery, to reflect that you have scrupulously 
 kept your erroneous views and injurious 
 suspicions confined to the knowledge of your 
 own heart 
 
 Friendship, if true, has much to bear frm 
 the idle and mishievous gossip of society. 
 Indeed, gossip may justly be considered as 
 having destroyed more youthful attachments, 
 than selfishness, falsehood, or vanity ; though 
 all these three have done their part in the 
 work of destruction. It is easy to say, 
 care not for such and such injurious reports ;" 
 " The opinion of the world is of no conse- 
 quence to me ;" and it is undoubtedly the 
 part of wisdom not to allow such causes to 
 operate against our peace of mind. Unfor- 
 tunately, however, for us, the world is made 
 up of our friends,' as well as of those who 
 are strangers to us ; and in this world it is 
 the malignant office of gossip to set afloat 
 rumors of what is evil, rather than statements 
 of what is good. Were such rumors wel- 
 comed only by the credulity of strangers, 
 they would certainly be of little consequence 
 to us ; but, alas for the faithfulness of affec- 
 tion ! our friends, though at first surprised 
 at last believe them ; and then comes the 
 trial of friendship, for to be injuriously anc
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLIRTATION. 
 
 95 
 
 unjustly thought of by those who ought to 
 know us better, and simply because common 
 report has circulated some charge against us, 
 is that, which, perhaps more than any thing 
 else, destroys our confidence in the profes- 
 sion, the language, the very name of friend- 
 ship. 
 
 The character of woman in every situation 
 in life, has ever been found most admirable, 
 when most severely tried ; and I know that 
 her friendship is equal to remaining unshaken 
 by difficulties and dangers, which might well 
 be supposed to move a firmer nature than 
 hers. But I speak of the little trials of mi- 
 nute and every-day experience, for it is 
 against these that woman seldom brings her 
 highest principles and best feelings to bear. 
 It is in the sunshine of society that friendship 
 most frequently withers, because the "love 
 that tempests never shook" may expire un- 
 der the deadly breathing-upon of common 
 slander. 
 
 On the first view of this subject, it seems 
 impossible to believe that mere gossip, which 
 we unanimously agree to regard as being in 
 so many instances false, should operate with 
 such potency in dissolving the tenderest ties 
 of early life. Yet I appeal to experience, and 
 observation too, when I ask, whether the 
 ranks of society are not thronged with indi- 
 viduals closely assimilated in their habits and 
 ways of thinking, mutually in want of the 
 consolations of friendship, and adapted to 
 promote each other's happiness, of whom it 
 may be said with melancholy truth, 
 
 " Alas ! they had been friends in youth, 
 But whispering tongues can poison truth." 
 
 What then is the part which friendship 
 ought to act in a case where rumor is strong 
 against a friend 1 The part of true friend- 
 ship is always a straightforward and decided 
 one. First ask whether the charge brought 
 against your friend be wholly at variance 
 with the principles you know to regulate her 
 conduct in general, wholly at variance with 
 the sentiments uniformly expressed in her 
 confidential intercourse with you, and wholly 
 at variance with the tenor of her previous life. 
 
 If such be the case, reject it with a noble in. 
 dignation ; for even if in one instance your 
 friend has actually departed from the general 
 principles of her conduct, her habitual senti- 
 ments, and her accustomed mode of action 
 
 and if in the end you find that the world has 
 all the while been right, while you have been 
 mistaken it is better a thousand times to 
 have felt this generous, though misplaced 
 confidence, than to have been hastily drawn 
 in to entertain an injurious suspicion of a 
 friend. 
 
 Still, where the evidence is strong against 
 a friend, where it increases and becomes con- 
 firmed, it would be blindness and folly to 
 continue to disregard it But before you 
 yield even to such accumulating evidence, 
 more especially before you act upon it, or 
 suffer one syllable to pass your lips in sup- 
 port of the charge, or even of other charges 
 of a similar nature to that openly alleged, 
 fail not, as you value every thing that is just 
 and equitable in the conduct of one human 
 being towards another fail not to appeal di- 
 rectly to the injured party, so as to allow her 
 an opportunity of exculpating, or at least of 
 excusing, herself. 
 
 If this had but been done in one instance 
 out of a thousand, where slander has scat- 
 tered her poison upon the foundation of hu- 
 man love, what a different position would 
 woman now maintain in the scale of moral 
 excellence ! How much of real good the 
 hand of friendship might by this means have 
 drawn out from seeming evil ; how many a 
 wounded bosom the balm of friendship might 
 have healed ; how many of those who are 
 now lonely and unloved might have been 
 linked together in the endearing fellowship 
 of mutual affection ! 
 
 People talk as if the worst thing that could 
 happen to us, was to be deceived ; they dare 
 not be generous, they dare not trust, because 
 they should thereby incur the risk of being 
 deceived. That this theory may very prop- 
 erly be acted upon in business, I am quite 
 disposed to allow ; but if in friendship there 
 is no other alternative than to listen to injuri- 
 ous rumor, to lean to the side of suspicion,
 
 96 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 and to believe the first report against a friend, 
 let ine rather be deceived a thousand times, 
 for then I shall at least enjoy the conscious- 
 ness of having known what it was to trust, 
 as well as love. 
 
 Friendship has many trials. Though 
 vanity and selfishness are at the root of 
 many of these, they are for the most part 
 too minute, and apparently too trifling for 
 description. Perhaps the greatest of these 
 arises out of the undue value attached by 
 women to the general attentions of men. 
 For the assistance, the protection, and the 
 disinterested kindness of the other sex, all 
 women ought to be deeply grateful ; but for 
 those common attentions which good breed- 
 ing dictates, without reference to the indi- 
 vidual on whom they are bestowed, I own I 
 cannot see why they should ever be so much 
 the subject of envy among women, as to 
 cast a shade upon their intercourse with each 
 other. 
 
 This part of my subject necessarily leads 
 me to the consideration of what, for want of 
 a more serious name, I am under the neces- 
 sity of calling flirtation ; by which I would 
 be understood to mean, all that part of the 
 behavior of women which, in the art of pleas- 
 ing, has reference only to men. It is easy 
 to understand whether a woman is guilty of 
 flirtation or not, by putting her conduct to 
 this simple test : whether, in mixed society, 
 she is the same to women as to men. 
 
 Although nothing could be more revolting 
 to the feelings of a true-hearted woman, than 
 needlessly to make a public exposure of the 
 weaknesses and follies of her own sex, yet 
 something of this is not only justifiable, but 
 necessary in the present case, in order to 
 contrast the conduct of those who are truly 
 admirable, with that which is only adopted 
 for the purpose of courting admiration. Nor 
 would I speak uncharitably, when I confess 
 that, like others, I have often seen a droop- 
 ing countenance suddenly grow animated, an 
 oppressive headache suddenly removed, and 
 many other symptoms of an improved state 
 of health and spirits as suddenly exhibited, 
 when the society of ladies has become 
 
 varied by that of the nobler sex ; and never 
 does female friendship receive a deeper 
 insult, than when its claims are thus su- 
 perseded by those, perhaps, of a mere stran- 
 ger. 
 
 Though the practice of flirtation, or the 
 habit of making use of certain arts of pleasing 
 in the society of men, which are not used in 
 that of women, is a thing of such frequent 
 occurrence, that few can be said to be wholly 
 exempt from it yet we rarely find a woman 
 so lost to all sense of delicacy, as to make an 
 open profession of flirtation. Indeed, I am 
 convinced that some do actually practise it 
 unconsciously to themselves ; and for this 
 reason I am the more anxious to furnish 
 them with a few hints, by which they may be 
 better able to detect the follies of their own 
 conduct 
 
 In the first place, then, allow me to ask, 
 why it is necessary, or even desirable, for 
 young women to do more to please men than 
 women 1 Their best friends, as friends only, 
 will ever be found among their own sex. 
 There is but one relation in life in which any 
 of the men whom they meet with in mixed 
 society can be any thing to them ; and surely 
 they can have no thought of marrying half 
 those whom they take more pains to please, 
 than they take in their intercourse with their 
 own sex. What, then, can be the state of 
 mind of her who exercises all her powers of 
 fascination upon beings in whom she can have 
 no deep or real interest 1 She must have 
 some strong motive, or why this total change 
 in her behavior, so that her female friends 
 can scarcely recognise in her the same indi- 
 vidual, who, an hour before, was moping, 
 fretful, listless, and weary of herself and 
 them 1 She must have some strong motive, 
 and it can be no other than one of these 
 two either to gain the admiration, or the 
 affection, of all those whom she favors with 
 the full exhibition of her accomplishments in 
 the art of pleasing. If her motive be simply 
 to gain their admiration, it is a blind and 
 foolish mistake into which her vanity has be- 
 trayed her, to suppose that admiration is to 
 be purchased by display, or to imagine that
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLIRTATION. 
 
 f7 
 
 the open and undisguised claims she makes 
 upon it, are not more calculated to disgust 
 than attract. 
 
 But there remains the second, and stronger 
 motive ; and this would seem, at first sight, 
 to demand more delicacy of treatment, since 
 it is generally considered an amiable propen- 
 sity in woman's nature to desire to be be- 
 loved. Let her, however, be honest, sincere, 
 and honorable, in the means she adopts for 
 the gratification of this desire. Let her re- 
 quire nothing for which she is riot prepared 
 to make an adequate return. The kindness, 
 the generosity, the integrity of her character 
 demand this. If, therefore, her desire be to 
 obtain the love of all those with whom she 
 engages in the business of flirtation, she is 
 either on the one hand involved in a very 
 serious and alarming outlay of affection, or, 
 on the other, in a system of selfishness and 
 meanness, for which every honest-hearted 
 woman ought to blush. I have used the 
 words selfishness and meanness, because the 
 art of flirtation deserves to be described by 
 no better ; because it is selfish to endeavor to 
 obtain that for which we know that a return 
 will be expected, which we are not the least 
 prepared to make ; because it is mean to use, 
 in obtaining it, a degree of art which makes 
 us appear better, or more admirable, than we 
 really are. 
 
 Is it not good, then, for woman to bear 
 about with her, even in early life, the convic- 
 tion that her only business with men in society, 
 is to learn of them, and not to captivate or 
 dazzle them ] for there is a boldness an in- 
 delicacy, in this exercise of her influence, as 
 much at variance with good taste, as with 
 right principle, and real feeling. Is it not 
 good, also, to bear about with her the remem- 
 brance that no woman ought to be so bril- 
 liant, or so agreeable in mixed society, as in 
 her own domestic circle ] There is no harm in 
 pleasing, it is at once her privilege, and her 
 power ; but let her influence through the exer- 
 cise of this means be what it may, there will 
 come in after life sore trials, under which she 
 will need it all ; and poor indeed is that woman, 
 who, when affection wanes, and disappoint- 
 
 ment chills the glow of youthful ardor, feels 
 that she has expended all her powers of pleas- 
 ing in public, or upon comparative strangers. 
 
 I have said, that all women plead not guil- 
 ty to the charge of flirtation in themselves ; 
 yet, all are ready to detect and despise it in 
 their friends. All can detect in others, when 
 the bland and beaming smile is put on for the 
 occasion ; when expressive looks are inter- 
 changed ; when glittering curls are studious- 
 ly displayed ; when songs are impressively 
 sung.; when flowers which have been pre- 
 sented, are preserved and worn ; when un- 
 necessary attentions are artfully called forth ; 
 but, above all, for it is best to cut short this 
 catalogue of folly, when conversation is so in- 
 geniously turned as to induce, and almost 
 compel some personal allusion, in which a 
 compliment must almost unavoidably be 
 couched. 
 
 And in all this system of absurdity, contain- 
 ing items of folly too numerous for tongue or 
 pen to tell, from the glance of a beautiful eye, 
 to the expression of a mutual sentiment ; from 
 the gathering of a favorite flower, to the awa- 
 kening of a dormant passion ; from the pas- 
 time of an idle moment, to the occupation of 
 years ; in all this, it is deeply to be regretted, 
 that the influence of man is such, as to excite, 
 rather than to repress to encourage this 
 worse than folly, rather than to warn and to 
 correct Indeed, whatever may be the excel- 
 lences of man in every other walk of life, it 
 is a subject of something more than regret, 
 that these excellences are so little called forth 
 in his intercourse with woman in mixed soci- 
 ety. As a father, a husband, a brother, and 
 a friend, his character assumes a totally dif- 
 ferent aspect. And why, I would ask of him, 
 if his eye should ever deign to glance over 
 these pages, why is he not the friend of wo- 
 man in society, as well as in the more inti- 
 mate relations of social and domestic life] 
 
 Time was, when warriors and heroes deem- 
 ed it not incompatible with glory or renown, 
 to make the cause of helpless woman theirs. 
 Nay, such was the respect in which her claims 
 were held, that the banner could not wave in 
 battle, nor the laurel wreath m peace, so
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 proudly as when lances were broken, and 
 lays were sung, in defence of her fair fame. 
 On what did that fame then rest 1 on what 
 must it rest forever 1 On her moral purity 
 on her exemption from mean and grovelling 
 thoughts, and on her aspirations after what 
 is noble, and refined, and true. And is wo- 
 man less deserving now, than she was a 
 thousand years ago, of the kindness, the pro- 
 tection, the honorable and fair dealing, of man 1 
 So far from this, she has made rapid progress 
 in the work of moral renovation, having gain- 
 ed in real worth, more than she has lost 
 in romantic feeling. But one hindrance to 
 her improvement still remains one barrier 
 against her progress in the path of wisdom 
 and of truth. It is the influence of man, in 
 his intercourse with her in general society. 
 
 Perhaps he is not aware how powerful and 
 extensive this influence is, or he would sure- 
 ly sometimes endeavor to turn it to better ac- 
 count I wish not to describe it in too flatter- 
 ing a manner, by telling how many ^a youner 
 heart is made to throb for the first time with 
 vanity, and idle thoughts, and foolish calcu- 
 lations, in consequence of his flattery and at- 
 tentions ; but it is most important he should 
 know, that while women naturally and ne- 
 cessarily look to the stronger sex to give char- 
 acter and decision to their own sentiments ; 
 it is in the common intercourse of society, 
 that such sentiments are implanted, fostered, 
 and matured. 
 
 To speak of the popular style of conversa- 
 tion used by gentlemen when making them- 
 selves agreeable to young ladies, as trifling, 
 is the best thing we can say of it Its worst 
 characteristic is its falsehood, while its worst 
 tendency is to call forth selfishness, and to 
 foster that littleness of mind, for which man 
 is avowedly the despiser of woman. If intel- 
 lectual conversation occupies the company, 
 how often does he turn to whisper nonsense 
 to woman ; if he sees her envious of the beau- 
 ty of her friend, how often does he tell her 
 that her own charms are unrivalled ; if he 
 discovers that she is foolishly elated with the 
 triumph of having gained his attentions, how 
 studiously does he feed her folly, waiting only 
 
 for the next meeting with a boon companion, 
 to treat the whole with that ridicule which it 
 deserves deserves, but not from him. 
 
 It may be I would fain believe it is, his 
 wish that woman should be simple-hearted, 
 intelligent, generous, frank, and true ; but how 
 is his influence in society exercised to make 
 her any one of these ? Woman is blamed, 
 and justly so, for idle thoughts, and trifling 
 conversation ; but, I appeal to experience, and 
 ask, whether, when a young girl first goes in- 
 to society, her most trifling conversation is not 
 that which she shares with men 7 It is true 
 that woman has the power to repel by a look, 
 a word, or even a tone of her voice, the ap- 
 proach of falsehood or folly ; and admirable 
 are the instances we sometimes find of wo- 
 man thus surrounded as it were by an atmo- 
 sphere of moral purity, through which no vul- 
 gar touch can penetrate. But all are not thus 
 happily sustained, and it seems hard that the 
 weaker sex should not only have to contend 
 with the weakness of their own hearts ; but 
 that they should find in this conflict, so much 
 of the influence of man on the side of evil. 
 
 In speaking of friendship, I have said noth- 
 ing of that which might be supposed to ex- 
 ist between the two sexes ; because I believe, 
 that, in early youth, but little good can accrue 
 to either party from making the experiment ; 
 and chiefly for reasons already stated, that 
 man, in his intercourse with woman, seldom 
 studies her improvement ; and that woman, 
 in hers with man, is too much addicted to 
 flirtation. The opinion of the world, also, is 
 opposed to this kind of intimacy ; and it is 
 seldom safe, and never wise, to do what soci- 
 ety unanimously condemns. Besides which, 
 it is exceedingly difficult for a young and in- 
 experienced girl to know when a man is real- 
 ly her friend, and when he is only endeavor- 
 ing to gain her favor ; the most serious mis- 
 takes are, therefore, always liable to be made, 
 which can only be effectually guarded against, 
 by avoiding such intimacies altogether. 
 
 Again, it is no uncommon thing for men to 
 betray young women into little deviations 
 from the strict rule of propriety, for their own 
 sakes, or in connection with them ; which
 
 FRIENDSHIP AND FLIRTATION. 
 
 99 
 
 deviations they would be the first to con- 
 demn, if they were in favor of another. Be 
 assured, however, that the man who does 
 this who, for his own gratification betrays 
 you into so much as the shadow of an error 
 who even willingly allows you to be placed 
 in an exposed, a questionable, or even an 
 undignified situation in short, who subjects 
 you, for his own sake, to the slightest breath 
 of censure, or even of ridicule, is not your 
 real friend, nor worthy so much as to be 
 called your acquaintance. 
 
 Fain would we hope and trust, that men 
 who would do this, are exceptions to a gen- 
 eral rule ; and, honorable it is to the sex, that 
 there are those, who, without any personal 
 interest of their own being involved, are 
 truly solicitous to raise the moral and intel- 
 lectual standard of excellence among wo- 
 men ; men who speak the truth, and noth- 
 ing but the truth, even to the trusting and 
 too credulous ; who never, for the gratifi- 
 cation of an idle moment, stoop to lead the 
 unwise still further into folly, the weak 
 into difficulty, or the helpless into distress ; 
 men who are not satisfied merely to pro- 
 tect the feeble portion of the community, 
 but who seek to promote the safety and the 
 happiness of woman, by placing her on the 
 sure foundation of sound principle ; men 
 who are ready to convince her, if she would 
 but listen to their faithful teaching, that she 
 possesses no beauty so attractive as her sim- 
 plicity of heart, no charm so lasting as her 
 deep and true affection, and no influence so 
 powerful as her integrity and truth. 
 
 I cannot leave the subject of the genera 
 behavior of women to the other sex, without 
 adverting to a popular tendency among the 
 young and inexperienced, to attach undue 
 importance to the casual notice of distin- 
 guished men ; such as popular speakers, elo- 
 quent ministers of religion, or any who hold 
 conspicuous situations in society. The mos 
 j objectionable feature which this tendency as- 
 I sumes, is an extravagant and enthusiast! 
 attachment to ministers of religion. I am 
 aware there is much in the character and oi 
 fice of a faithful minister, justly calculated t 
 
 all forth the respectful admiration both of 
 oung and old ; that there is also much in 
 his pastoral care of the individual members 
 of his flock equally calculated to awaken 
 eelings of deep and strong attachment ; and 
 when such feelings are tempered with rev- 
 rence, and kept under the proper restraint 
 of prudence and good taste, it is unquestion- 
 ably right that they should be cherished. 
 My remarks can have no reference to young 
 women whose conduct is thus regulated ; but 
 here are others, chiefly of enthusiastic tem- 
 jerament, who, under the impression that it 
 s right to love and admire to the utmost of 
 :heir power, whoever is worthy of admira- 
 tion, give way to a style of expression, when 
 speaking of their favorite ministers, and a 
 mode of behavior towards them, which is not 
 only peculiarly adapted to expose them, as 
 religious professors, to the ridicule of the 
 world ; but which, of itself, too plainly be- 
 trays their want of reverence and right feel- 
 ing on the subject of religion in general. 
 
 But the duties of friendship remain yet to 
 be considered in their highest and most im- 
 portant character. We have never been in- 
 timately associated with any one, even in 
 early youth, without having received from 
 them some bias of feeling, either towards good 
 or evil ; and the more our affections were 
 engaged in this intimacy, the more decidec 
 this bias has been. What, then, has been the 
 nature of our influence upon them ? upon 
 all to whose bosom-confidence we have been 
 admitted] Is this solemn query to be re- 
 served for the hour of death? or is it not the 
 wiser part of youth to begin with its practica 
 application, while the character is yet fresh 
 and pliant, and before the traces of our influ 
 ence, if wrong, shall have become too dee] 
 to be eradicated ? 
 
 If your friend is further advanced in reli- 
 gious experience than yourself, be willing 
 then, to learn from her example ; but be 
 watchful, also, to point out with meekness 
 and gentleness her slightest deviations from 
 the line of conduct which a Christian pro- 
 fessor ought to pursue ; and by this means 
 you may not only materially promote her
 
 100 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 highest interests, but you may also assist in 
 promoting the interests of religion itself, by 
 preserving it from the calumny and disre- 
 spect for which such deviations so naturally 
 give occasion. 
 
 If your friend is less advanced than your- 
 self in religious experience, or if, as is most 
 probable, you are both in a backward and 
 defective state, suffer not your mind on 
 any account to become regardless of the im- 
 portant fact, that in proportion to the degree 
 of confidence you have enjoyed with that 
 friend, and in proportion with the hold you 
 have obtained of her affections, is the re- 
 sponsibility you incur with regard to her 
 moral and spiritual advancement It is fruit- 
 less to say, " I see her faults, I mourn over 
 her deviations, but I dare not point them 
 out, lest I wound her feelings, or offend her 
 pride." I know the task is difficult, perhaps 
 the most so of any we ever undertake. But 
 our want of disinterested love, and of real 
 earnestness in the cause of Christ, render 
 it more difficult than it would otherwise be. 
 
 We might in this, as in many other in- 
 stances, derive encouragement from what is 
 accomplished by women in the way of sup- 
 porting public institutions, and promoting 
 public good. Look at some of the most deli- 
 cate and sensitive females how they pene- 
 trate the abodes pf strangers how they per- 
 severe through dangers and difficulties, re- 
 pelled by no contumely, and deterred by no 
 hardship, simply because they know that the 
 work in which they labor is the cause of 
 Christ And shall we find less disinterested 
 zeal, less ardor, less patience, less self-denial, 
 in bosom-friends who share each other's 
 confidence and love ! 
 
 I am the more anxious to impress these 
 observations upon the young reader, because 
 the present is peculiarly a time for laudable 
 and extraordinary exertions for the public 
 good ; and because I am convinced, that be- 
 nevolent, and highly salutary, as these exer- 
 tions are, they will never so fully answer the 
 noble end desired, as when supported by the 
 same principles faithfully acted upon in the 
 intimate relations of private life. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 LOVE AND COURTSHIP. 
 
 LOVE is a subject which has ever been open 
 to discussion, among persons of all classes, 
 and of every variety of mind and character ; 
 yet, after all, there are few subjects which 
 present greater difficulties, especially to a fe- 
 male writer. How to compress a subject 
 which has filled so many volumes, into the 
 space of one chapter, is also another difficul- 
 ty ; but I will begin by dismissing a large 
 portion of what is commonly called by that 
 name, as wholly unworthy of my attention ; 
 I mean that which originates in mere fancy, 
 without reference to the moral excellence of 
 the object ; and if my young readers imagine, 
 that out of the remaining part they shall be 
 able to elicit much amusement, I fear they 
 will be disappointed ; for I am one of those 
 who think that the most serious act of a wo- 
 man's whole life is to love. 
 
 What, then, I would ask, is love, that it 
 should be the cause of some of the deepest 
 realities in our experience, and of so much 
 of our merriment and folly 1 
 
 The reason why so many persons act fool- 
 ishly, and consequently lay themselves open 
 to ridicule, under the influence of love, I be- 
 lieve to originate in the grand popular mis- 
 take of dismissing this subject from our se- 
 rious reading and conversation, and leaving 
 it to the unceremonious treatment of light 
 novels, and low jests; by which unnatural 
 system of philosophy, that which is in reality 
 the essence of woman's being, and the high- 
 est and holiest among her capabilities, be- 
 stowed for the purpose of teaching us of how 
 much our nature is capable for the good of 
 others, has become a thing of sly purpose, 
 and frivolous calculation. 
 
 The very expression " falling in love," 
 has done an incalculable amount of mischief, 
 by conveying an idea that it is a thing which 
 cannot be resisted, and which must be given 
 way to, either with or without reason. Per- 
 sons are said to have fallen in love, pre- 
 cisely as they would be said to have fallen 
 into a fever or an ague-fit ; and the worst
 
 LOVE AND COURTSHIP. 
 
 101 
 
 of this mode of expression is, that among 
 young people, it has led to a general yield- 
 ing up of the heart to the first impression, 
 as if it possessed of itself no power of re- 
 sistance. 
 
 It is from general notions such as these, 
 that the idea, and the name of love, have be- 
 come vulgarized and degraded : and in con- 
 nection with this degradation, a flood of evil 
 has poured in upon that Eden of woman's 
 life, where the virtues of her domestic charac- 
 ter are exercised. 
 
 What, then, I would ask again, is love in 
 its highest, holiest character 1 It is woman's 
 all her wealth, her power, her very being. 
 Man, let him love as he may, has ever an 
 existence distinct from that of his affections. 
 He has his worldly interests, his public 
 character, his ambition, his competition with 
 other men but woman centres all in that 
 one feeling, and 
 
 " In that she lives, or else she has no life." 
 
 In woman's love is mingled the trusting 
 dependence of a child, for she ever looks up 
 to man as her protector, and her guide ; the 
 frankness, the social feeling, and the tender- 
 ness of a sister for is not man her friend 1 
 the solicitude, the anxiety, the careful watch- 
 ing of the mother for would she not suffer 
 to preserve him from harm ] Such is love 
 in a noble mind, and especially in its first 
 commencement, when it is almost invariably 
 elevated, and pure, trusting, and disinterest- 
 ed. Indeed, the woman who could mingle 
 low views and selfish calculations with her 
 first attachment, would scarcely be worthy of 
 the name. 
 
 So far from this being the case with wo- 
 men in general, I believe, if we could look 
 into the heart of a young girl, when she first 
 begins to love, we should find the nearest 
 resemblance to what poetry has described, as 
 the state of our first parents when in Para- 
 dise, which this life ever presents. All is 
 then colored with an atmosphere of beauty, 
 and light ; or if a passing cloud sails across 
 the azure sky, reflecting a transitory shadow 
 on the scene below, it is but to be swept away 
 
 by the next balmy gale, which leaves the pic- 
 ture more lovely for this momentary interrup- 
 tion of its stillness and repose. 
 
 But that which constitutes the essential 
 charm of a first attachment, is its perfect dit-- 
 interestedness. She who entertains this sen- 
 timent in' its profoundest character, lU-fs no 
 longer for herself. In all her aspirations, her 
 hopes, her energies, in all her noble daring, 
 her confidence, her enthusiasm, her fortitude, 
 her own existence is absorbed by the interests 
 of another. For herself, and in her own 
 character alone, she is at the same time re- 
 tiring, meek, and humble, content to be neg- 
 lected by the whole world despised, forgot- 
 ten, or contemned ; so that to one being only 
 she may still be all in all. 
 
 And is this a love to be lightly spoken of, 
 or harshly dealt with 1 Oh no ; but it has 
 many a rough blast to encounter yet, and 
 many an insidious enemy to cope with, be- 
 fore it can be stamped with the seal of faith- 
 fulness ; and until then, who can distinguish 
 the ideal from the true ! 
 
 I am inclined to think it is from the very 
 purity and disinterestedness of her own mo- 
 tives, that woman, in cases of strong attach- 
 ment, is sometimes tempted to transgress the 
 laws of etiquette, by which her conduct, even 
 in affairs of the heart, is so wisely restricted. 
 But let not the young enthusiast believe her- 
 self justified in doing this, whatever may be 
 the nature of her own sentiments. The re- 
 strictions of society may probably appear to 
 her both harsh, and uncalled for ; but, I must 
 repeat society has good reasons for the rules 
 it lays down for the regulation of female con- 
 duct, and she ought never to forget that 
 points of etiquette ought scrupulously to be 
 observed by those who have principle, for 
 the sake of those who have not Besides 
 which, men who know the world so much 
 better than women, are close observers on 
 these points, and nothing can lessen their 
 confidence in you more effectually, than to 
 find you unscrupulous, or lax, even in your 
 behavior to them individually. If, therefore, 
 your lover perceives that you are regardless 
 of the injunctions of your parents or guardi-
 
 102 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 ans, even for his sake, though possibly he 
 may feel gratified at the moment, yet his 
 opinion of your principles will eventually be 
 lowered, while his trust in your faithfulness 
 will be lessened in the same degree. 
 
 In speaking of the entireness, the depth, 
 and the disinterestedness of woman's love, I 
 would not for a moment be supposed to class 
 under the same head, that precocious ten- 
 dency to fall in love, which some young ladies 
 encourage under the idea of its being an 
 amiable weakness. Never is the character 
 of woman more despicable, than when she 
 stoops to plead her weakness as a merit 
 Yet some complain that they are naturally so 
 grateful, it is impossible for them to resist the 
 influence of kindness ; and thus they fall in 
 love, perhaps with a worthless man perhaps 
 with two men at once ; simply because they 
 have been kindly treated, and their hearts 
 are not capable of resisting kindness. Would 
 that such puerile suppliants for the charity 
 they ill deserve, could be made to understand 
 how many a correct and prudent woman 
 would have gone inconceivably further than 
 they, in gratitude and generous feeling, had 
 not right principle been made the stay of her 
 conduct, and the arbiter of all her actions. 
 Love which arises out of mere weakness, 
 is as easily fixed upon one object as another ; 
 and consequently is at all times transferable : 
 that which is governed by principle, how 
 much has it to suffer, yet how nobly does it 
 survive all trial ! 
 
 I have said, that woman's love, at least all 
 which deserves that name, is almost univer- 
 sally exalted and noble in its commence- 
 ment ; but that still it wants its highest attri- 
 bute, until its faithfulness has been establish- 
 ed by temptation and trial. Let no woman, 
 therefore, boast of her constancy, until she 
 has been put to the test In speaking of 
 faithfulness, I am far from supposing it to 
 denote merely the tenacity of adhering to an 
 engagement It is easy to be true to an en- 
 gagement, while false to the individual with 
 whom it is contracted. My meaning refers 
 to faithfulness of heart, ^nd this has many 
 trials in the common intercourse of society, 
 
 in the flattery and attentions of men, and in 
 the fickleness of female fancy. 
 
 To have loved faithfully, then, is to have 
 loved with singleness of heart, and sameness 
 of purpose, through all the temptations which 
 society presents, and under all the assaults 
 of vanity, both from within and without It 
 is so pleasant to be admired, and so soothing 
 to be loved, that the grand trial of female 
 constancy is, not to add one more conquest 
 to her triumphs, where it is evidently in her 
 power to do so ; and, therefore, her only pro- 
 tection is to restrain the first wandering 
 thought which might even lead her fancy 
 astray. The ideas which commonly float 
 through the mind of woman, are so rapid, 
 and so indistinctly defined, that when the 
 door is opened to such thoughts, they pour 
 in like a torrent Then first will arise some 
 new perception of deficiency in the object of 
 her love, or some additional impression of 
 his unkindness or neglect, with comparisons 
 between him and other men, and regret that 
 he has not some quality which they possess, 
 sadness under a conviction of her future des- 
 tiny, pining for sympathy under that sadness, 
 and, lastly, the commencement of some other 
 intimacy, which at first she has no idea of 
 converting into love. 
 
 Such is the manner in which, in thousands 
 of instances, the faithfulness of woman's 
 love has been destroyed, and destroyed far 
 more effectually than if assailed by an open, 
 and, apparently, more formidable foe. And 
 what a wreck has followed ! for when wo- 
 man loses her integrity, and her self-respect, 
 she is indeed pitiable and degraded. While 
 her faithfulness remains unshaken, it is true 
 she may, and probably will, have much to 
 suffer ; but let her portion in this life be what 
 it may, she will walk through the world with 
 a firm and upright "step ; for even when soli- 
 tary, she is not degraded. It may be called 
 a cold philosophy to speak of such consola- 
 tion being available under the suffering which 
 arises, from unkindness and desertion, but 
 who would not rather be the one to bear in- 
 jury, than the one to inflict it ; and the very 
 act of bearing it meekly and reverently, as
 
 LOVE AND COURTSHIP. 
 
 from the hand of God, has a purifying and 
 solemnizing effect upon the soul, which the 
 faithless and the fickle never can experi- 
 ence. 
 
 As friendship is the basis of all true love, 
 it is equally nay, more important that the 
 latter should be submitted to the same test 
 in relation to its ultimate aim, which ought 
 supremely to be, the moral and spiritual good 
 of its object. Indeed, without this principle 
 at heart, no love is worthy of the name ; be- 
 cause, as its influence upon human nature is 
 decidedly the most powerful of any, its re- 
 sponsibilities are in the same proportion se- 
 rious and imperative. What, then, shall we 
 think of the woman who evinces a nervous 
 timidity about the personal safety of her 
 lover, without any corresponding anxiety 
 about the safety of his soul ] 
 
 But there is another delusion equally fatal 
 with this, and still more frequently prevailing 
 .among well-meaning young woman ; I mean, 
 that of listening to the addresses of a gay 
 man, and making it the condition of her mar- 
 rying him, that he shall become religious. 
 Some even undertake to convert men of this 
 description, without professing any personal 
 interest in the result ; and surely, of all the 
 mockeries by which religion is insulted in 
 this world, these are among the greatest. 
 They are such, however, as invariably bring 
 their own punishment ; and, therefore, a little 
 observation upon the working of this falla- 
 cious system upon others, will probably be of 
 more service to the young, than any obser- 
 vations I can offer. I cannot, however re- 
 frain from the remark, that religion being a 
 matter of personal interest, if a man will not 
 submit himself to its influence for his own 
 sake, it is not likely he will do so for the sake 
 of another ; and the probability is, that, while 
 endeavoring to convert him, the woman, being 
 the weaker party, wiil be drawn over to his 
 views and principles ; or if hers should be 
 too firm for this, that he will act the hypocrite 
 in order to deceive her, and thus add a new 
 crime to the sum of guilt already contracted. 
 With a gay man, therefore, a serious wo- 
 man can have nothing to do, but to contem- 
 
 plate his character as she would that of some 
 being of a different order or species from her 
 own. Even after such a man has undergone 
 a moral and spiritual change, there will re- 
 main something in his tone of mind and feel- 
 ing, from which a delicate and sensitive wo- 
 man will naturally and unavoidably shrink. 
 He will feel this himself; and while the hu- 
 mility and self-abasement which this convic- 
 tion occasions, will constitute a strong claim 
 upon her sympathy and tenderness, they will 
 both be deeply sensible that, in his heart of 
 hearts, there is a remembrance, a shadow, a 
 stain, which a pure-minded woman must 
 ever feel and sorrow for. 
 
 " But how are we to know a man's real 
 character V is the common question of young 
 women. Alas ! there is much willing decep- 
 tion on this point Yet, I must confess, that 
 men are seldom thoroughly known, except 
 under their own roof, or among their own 
 companions. With respect to their moral 
 conduct, however, if they have a low standard 
 of excellence with regard to the female sex 
 in general, it is an almost infallible sign that 
 their education, or their habits, have been 
 such as to render them undesirable compan- 
 ions in the most intimate and indissoluble ol 
 all connections. Good men are accustomec 
 to regard women as equal with themselvei 
 in their moral and religious character, anc 
 therefore they seldom speak of them with 
 disrespect ; but bad men having no such 
 scale of calculation, use a very different kinc 
 of phraseology, when women, as a class, are 
 the subject of conversation. 
 
 Again, the world is apt to speak of men as 
 being good because they are merely moral 
 But it would be a safe rule for all Christiat 
 women to reflect, that such are the tempta 
 tions to man in his intercourse with the world 
 that nothing less than the safeguard of reli 
 gion can render his conduct uniformly mora 1 
 With regard to the social and domesti 
 qualities of a lover, these must also be triec 
 at home. If disrespectful to his mother, and 
 inconsiderate or ungentle in his manners to 
 his sisters, or even if accustomed to speak o 
 them in a coarse, unfeeling, or indifferen
 
 104 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 manner, whatever may be his intellectual re- 
 commendations, as a husband he ought not 
 to be trusted. On the other hand, it may be 
 set down as an almost certain rule, that the 
 man who is respectful and affectionate to lu's 
 mother and his sisters, will be so to his wife. 
 
 Having thus described in general terras 
 the manner in which women ought to love, 
 the next inquiry is, under what circumstances 
 this feeling may be properly indulged. The 
 first restriction to a woman of delicacy, of 
 course, will be never to entertain this senti- 
 ment towards one by whom it has not been 
 sought and solicited. Unfortunately, how- 
 ever, there are but too many instances in 
 which attentions, so pointed as not to be 
 capable of being misunderstood, have wan- 
 tonly been made the means of awakening 
 something more than a preference ; while he 
 who had thus obtained this meanest of all 
 triumphs, could smile at the consequences, 
 and exult in his own freedom from any direct 
 committal. 
 
 How the peace of mind of the young and 
 the trusting is to be secured against such treat- 
 ment, it is difficult to say ; unless they would 
 adopt the advice of the more experienced, 
 and think less of the attentions of men in 
 general, and more of their own immediate 
 and practical duties, which, after all, are the 
 best preservatives, not only against indolence, 
 melancholy, and romance ; but against the 
 almost invariable accompaniment of these 
 evils a tendency to sentimental attachments. 
 I am aware that I incur the risk of being con- 
 sidered among young ladies as too homely 
 in my notions, even for an admonitress, when 
 I so often recommend good old-fashioned 
 household duties ; yet, I believe them never- 
 theless to be a wholesome medicine both to 
 body and mind, and in no case more useful 
 than in those of sentimentality. 
 
 In the bestowment of the affections, few 
 women are tempted to make choice of men 
 of weak capacity. Still there is sometimes a 
 plausible manner, a gentlemanly address, or 
 a handsome exterior, which serves for a 
 while to bewilder the judgment, so as to con- 
 ceal from detection the emptiness within. It 
 
 is the constitutional want of woman's nature 
 to have some superior being to look up to ; 
 and how shall a man of weak capacity sup- 
 ply this want ] He may possibly please for 
 an hour, or a day, but it is a fearful thought 
 to have to dwell with such a one for life. 
 
 The most important inquiry, however, to 
 be made in the commencement of an attach- 
 ment, for it may be too late to make it after- 
 wards, is, whether the object of it inspires 
 with a greater love of all that is truly excel- 
 lent in short, whether his society and con- 
 versation have a direct tendency to make re- 
 ligion appear more lovely, and more desira- 
 ble. If not, he can be no safe companion 
 for the intimacy of married life ; for you 
 must have already discovered, that your 
 own position as a Christian, requires sup- 
 port rather than opposition. It is the more 
 important, therefore, that this inquiry should 
 be most satisfactorily answered in an early 
 stage of the attachment ; because it is the 
 peculiar nature of love to invest with ideal 
 excellence the object of its choice, so that 
 after it has once obtained possession of the 
 heart, there ceases too generally to be a cor- 
 rect perception of good and evil, where the 
 interests of love are concerned. 
 
 In addition to this tendency, it is deeply to 
 be regretted, that so few opportunities are af- 
 forded to women in the present state of so- 
 ciety, of becoming acquainted with the natu- 
 ral dispositions and general habits of those to 
 whom they intrust their happiness, until the 
 position of both is fixed, and fixed for life. 
 The short acquaintance which takes place, 
 under ordinary circumstances, between two 
 individuals about to be thus united, for better 
 for worse, until death do them part, is any 
 thing but a mutual development of real char- 
 acter. The very name of courtship is a re- 
 pulsive one ; because it implies merely a so- 
 licitude to obtain favor, but has no reference 
 to deserving it When a man is said to be 
 paying his court to an individual of higher 
 rank or authority, he is universally under- 
 stood to be using flattery and attention, if no* 
 artifice, to purchase what his merits alone 
 would not be sufficient to command. I do
 
 LOVE AND COURTSHIP. 
 
 not say that a similar line of conduct is de- 
 signedly pursued by the lover, because I be- 
 lieve that in many cases he would be glad to 
 have his character more clearly understood 
 than it is. Yet, here we see, most especially, 
 the evil consequences resulting from that 
 system of intercourse, which prevails be- 
 tween the two sexes in general society. Bv 
 the time a young woman is old enough to 
 enter into a serious engagement, she has 
 generally become so accustomed to receive 
 the flattery and the homage of men, that she 
 would feel it an insult to be treated with per- 
 fect honesty and candor ; while, on the other 
 hand, her lover redoubles his assiduity to 
 convince her, that if not actually a goddess, 
 she is at least the most charming of her sex. 
 Need we be surprised if there ehould often 
 be a fearful awaking from this state of delu- 
 sion 1 
 
 I must, however, in justice repeat, that the 
 delusion is not all intentional on either part, 
 for a successful suit naturally places a man 
 in so agreeable a position, that his temper 
 and disposition, at such times, appear to the 
 best possible advantage ; while on the other 
 hand, it would be strange indeed, if a wo- 
 man so courted, and apparently admired, 
 could not maintain her sweetest deportment, 
 and wear her blandest smiles, through that 
 short period which some unjustly call the 
 happiest of her life, simply because it is the 
 one in which she is the most flattered, and 
 the most deceived. 
 
 It is a very erroneous notion, entertained 
 by some young persons, that to make early 
 pretensions to womanhood, is an embellish- 
 ment to their character, or a means of in- 
 creasing their happiness. Nothing in reality 
 can be more entirely a mistake. One of the 
 greatest charms which a girl can possess, is 
 that of being contented to be a girl, and noth- 
 ing more. Her natural ease of manner, her 
 simplicity of heart, her frankness, her guileless 
 and confiding truth, are all opposed to the pre- 
 mature assumption of womanhood. Even her 
 joyous playfulness, so admirably adapted to 
 promote the health both of mind and body, 
 oh ! why does she hasten to lay all this aside for 
 
 the mock dignity of an artificial and would- 
 be woman] Believe me, the latter loses 
 much of the innocent enjoyment of her early 
 years, while she gains in nothing, except a 
 greater necessity for care and caution. 
 
 Were it possible to induce the daughters 
 of England to view this subject in its true 
 light, and to endeavor to prolong rather than 
 curtail the season of their simplicity and 
 buoyancy of heart; how much would be 
 avoided of that absurd miscalculation about 
 the desirableness of contracting matrimonial 
 alliances, which plunges hundreds and thou- 
 sands into the responsible situation of wives 
 and mothers, before they have well learned 
 to be rational women ! 
 
 A cheerful, active, healthy, and sound- 
 minded girl, is ever the first to glow with 
 the genuine impulse of what is noble and 
 generous in feeling, thought, and action ; and 
 at the same time she is the last to be imposed 
 upon by whdt is artificial, false, or merely 
 superficial ; for there seems to be a power in 
 unsophisticated nature, to repel as if by in- 
 stinct the mean stratagems of art. The 
 vain, the sentimental, would-be woman, sick- 
 ly for want of natural exercise, and disap- 
 pointed in her precocious attempts at dignity 
 and distinction, is the last to yield herself to 
 any genuine impulse ; because she must in- 
 quire whether it is lady-like and becoming ; 
 but, alas for her peace of mind ! she is the 
 first to listen to the voice of flattery, and to 
 sink into all the absurdities of an early, a 
 misplaced, or an imaginary attachment. 
 
 It is not indeed in the nature of things, that 
 a young girl should know how to bestow her 
 affections aright She has not had experi- 
 ence enough in the ways of the world, or 
 penetrated sufficiently through the smiling 
 surface of society, to know that some who are 
 the most attractive in their address and man- 
 ners, are the least calculated for fireside com- 
 panions. They know, if they would but be- 
 lieve what their more experienced relatives 
 tell them, that the happiness of marriage must 
 depend upon suitability of character ; yet, 
 even of this they are incompetent to judge, 
 and consequently they are betrayed into mis-
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 takes sometimes the most fatal to their true 
 interests, both here and hereafter. 
 
 How much wiser then is the part of her, 
 who puts off these considerations altogether, 
 until a period of greater maturity of judgment, 
 when much that once looked dazzling and 
 attractive shall have lost its false splendor ; 
 and when many qualifications of heart and 
 mind, to which she once attached but little 
 value, shall have obtained their due share of 
 importance in her calculations ! Her heart 
 will then be less subject to the dictates of ca- 
 pricious fancy ; and, looking at human life, 
 and society, and mankind as they really are ; 
 looking at herself, too, with a clearer vision, 
 and a more oecided estimate of truth, she will 
 be able to form a correct opinion on that 
 point of paramount importance suitability 
 of character and habits. 
 
 Influenced by a just regard to this consid- 
 eration, a sensible woman will easily see that 
 the man of her choice must be as much as 
 possible in her own sphere of life. Deficient 
 in education, he would be a rude and coarse 
 companion for a refined woman ; and with 
 much higher attainments than her own, he 
 would be liable to regard her with disrespect, 
 if not with contempt 
 
 By a fatal misapprehension of what con- 
 stitutes real happiness, it is often spoken of 
 as a good and great thing, when a woman 
 raises herself to a higher sphere of society by 
 marriage. Could such individuals tell the 
 story of their after lives, it would often be a 
 history of humiliation and sorrow, for which 
 no external advantages had been able to com- 
 pensate. There are, however, admirable in- 
 stances of women, thus exalted, who have 
 maintained their own dignity, and the respect 
 of all their connections ; so much more impor- 
 tant is moral worth than intellectual cultiva- 
 tion, to a woman. In these cases, however, 
 the chief merit of the wife has been, that she 
 never sought her elevation. 
 
 Having chosen your lover for his suitabili- 
 ty, it is of the utmost consequence, that you 
 should guard against that natural propensity 
 of the youthful mind, to invest him with ev- 
 ery ideal excellence. Endeavor to be satis- 
 
 fied with him as he is, rather than imagine him 
 what he never can be. It will save you a 
 world of disappointment in after life. Nor, 
 indeed, does this extravagant investiture of 
 the fancy belong, as is sometimes supposed, 
 to that meek, and true, and abiding attach- 
 ment which it is woman's highest virtue and 
 noblest distinction to feel. I strongly suspect 
 it is vanity, and not affection, which leads a 
 young woman to believe her lover perfect ; 
 because it enhances her triumph to be the 
 choice of such a man. The part of a true- 
 hearted woman, is to be satisfied with her lov- 
 er, such as he is, and to consider him, with all 
 his faults, as sufficiently exalted, and suffi- 
 ciently perfect for her. No after-develop- 
 ment of character can shake the faith of such 
 a woman, no ridicule or exposure can weak- 
 en her tenderness for a single moment ; whilei 
 on the other hand, she who has blindly be- 
 lieved her lover to be without a fault, must 
 ever be in danger of awaking to the convic- 
 tion that her love exists no longer. 
 
 Though truth should be engraven upon ev- 
 ery thought, and word, and act, which occurs 
 in your intercourse with the man of your 
 choice, there is implanted in the nature of wo- 
 man, a shrinking delicacy, which ought ever 
 to prompt her to keep back some of her affec- 
 tion for the time when she becomes a wife. 
 No woman ever gained, but many, very ma- 
 ny, have been losers, by displaying all at first 
 Let sufficient of your love be told, to prevent 
 suspicion, or distrust ; and the self-compla- 
 cency of man will be sure to supply the rest. 
 Suffer it not, then, to be unfolded" to its full 
 extent In the trials of married life, you will 
 have ample need for an additional supply. 
 You will want it for sickness, for sorrow, for 
 all the different exigences of real experience ; 
 but, above all, you will want it to re-awaken 
 the tenderness of your husband, when world- 
 ly cares and pecuniary disappointments have 
 too much absorbed his better feelings ; and 
 what surprise so agreeable to him, as to dis- 
 cover, in his further progress through the wil- 
 derness of life, so sweet, so deep a fountain, 
 as woman's perfect love ? 
 
 This prudent and desirable restraint of fe-
 
 LOVE AND COURTSHIP. 
 
 107 
 
 male delicacy during the period of courtship, 
 will prevent those dangerous demands be- 
 ing made upon mere affection to supply inter- 
 est for an occasion, which after all, and par- 
 ticularly to men of business, is apt to be rath- 
 er a tedious one. Let your amusements, 
 then, even during that period, be of an intellec- ' 
 tual nature, that your lover may never even 
 for a single moment have occasion to feel that 
 your society grows vapid, or palls upon his 
 taste. It is better a thousand times, that read- 
 ing or conversation, or the company of others, 
 should be forced upon him, so that he should 
 regret having had so little of yours, than that 
 the idea should once glance across his mind, 
 that he had had too much, or that the time 
 spent with you had not passed so pleasantly 
 as he had expected. 
 
 It is a fact too little taken into account by 
 young women, that until actually married, 
 their relative and home duties are the same 
 after an engagement has been contracted, as 
 before. When a daughter begins to neglect 
 a father or a brother, for the sake of her lov- 
 er, it is a bad omen for his happiness. Her 
 attentions in this case are dictated by impulse, 
 not duty ; and the same misapprehension of 
 what is just, and right, will in future be equal- 
 ly likely to divert them again from their prop- 
 er object. It is good even to let your lover 
 see, that such is your, estimate of duty, that 
 you can afford even to lose his society for a 
 few minutes, rather than neglect the claims 
 of your family. 
 
 I have now imagined a young woman 
 brought into the most serious position she 
 has yet occupied ; and if her mind is rightly 
 influenced, she will feel it to be one of deep 
 and solemn consideration. If, during the 
 lapse of her previous existence, she has lived 
 for herself alone, now is the time when her 
 regrets are about to begin ; if, as I have so 
 earnestly recommended, she has studious- 
 ly cultivated habits of duty, and thoughts of 
 affectionate and grateful regard towards her 
 home-connections, now is the time when she 
 will fully enter upon the advantages of hav- 
 ing regulated her conduct by the law of love. 
 Already she will have begun to contemplate 
 
 the character of man in a new light. Admit- 
 ted to his confidence, she will find him at the 
 same time more admirable, and more requir- 
 ing as regards herself, than she found him in 
 society ; and while her esteem increases with 
 the development of his real merits, she will 
 feel her affection equal to every demand, fo: 
 she will be rich in that abundance which 
 the heart alone can supply, whose warmes' 
 emotions have been called forth and cherish 
 ed in the genial and healthy atmosphere o 
 domestic life. 
 
 One word, before this chapter closes, U 
 those who have arrived at years of woman 
 hood without having known what it was U 
 engage the attentions of a lover ; and oJ 
 such I must observe, that by some unac 
 countable law of nature, they often appea 
 to be the most admirable of their sex. In 
 deed, while a sparkling countenance, an eas) 
 manner, and, to say the least of it, a wil 
 lingness to be admired, attract a crowd of 
 lovers it not unfrequently happens, that re- 
 tiring merit, and unostentatious talent, scarce- 
 ly secure the homage of one. And yet, or 
 looking around upon society, one sees sc 
 many of the vain, the illiterate, and the utter- 
 ly useless, chosen and solicited as wives, 
 that we are almost tempted to consider those 
 who are not thus favored, as in reality the 
 most honorably distinguished among their 
 sex. 
 
 Still, I imagine there are few, if any, who 
 never have had a suitable or unsuitable offei 
 at some time in their lives ; and wise indeed 
 by comparison, are those who, rather than 
 accept the latter, are content to enjoy the 
 pleasures, and endure the sorrows of life, 
 alone. Compare their lot for an instant with 
 that of women who have married from un- 
 worthy motives. How incomparably more 
 dignified, more happy, and more desirable in 
 every way, does it appear ! It is true there 
 are times in their experience when they will 
 have to bear what woman bears so hardly 
 the consciousness of being alone ; but they 
 escape an evil far more insupportable that 
 of being a slighted or an unloved wife. 
 
 If my remarks throughout this work have
 
 108 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 appeared to refer directly to a moral training 
 for the married state, it has not been from 
 any want of interest in those, of whom I 
 purpose to speak more fully hereafter, who 
 never enter upon this condition, but simply 
 because I believe the moral training which 
 prepares a woman for one sphere of duty, is 
 equally productive of benefit if she fills an- 
 other ; and I rest this belief upon my con- 
 viction, that all the loveliest and most esti- 
 mable propensities of woman's nature, were 
 bestowed upon her for early and continued 
 exercise in a strictly relative capacity ; and 
 that, whether married or single, she will 
 equally find the law of Christian love the 
 only certain rule by which to regulate her 
 conduct, so as to render her either happy 
 herself, or the promoter of happiness in oth- 
 ers. 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 SELFISHNESS, VANITY, ARTIFICE, AND INTEG- 
 RITY. 
 
 IT is my intention to occupy the present 
 chapter with further observations upon the 
 three great enemies to woman's advance- 
 ment in moral excellence selfishness, vani- 
 ty, and artifice, as opposed to her disinter- 
 estedness, simplicity of heart, and integrity. 
 
 It seems to be a strange anomaly in her 
 nature, that in connection with all which wo- 
 man is capable of doing and suffering for the 
 good of others, there should lurk about her 
 heart a peculiar kind of selfishness, which 
 the strong discipline of personal trial, and 
 often of severe affliction, is frequently re- 
 quired to subdue. It is justly remarked of 
 woman, that in cases of afflictive dispensa- 
 tion, the qualities of her heart and mind 
 generally appear to the greatest advantage, 
 and none of them more so, than her devoted- 
 ness ; by which I would ba understood to 
 mean, the power she sometimes evinces of 
 throwing every consideration of self into the 
 balance as nothing, when weighed against 
 the interest or the happiness of those she 
 
 loves. Supported under some of the most 
 trying vicissitudes of life by this spirit of de- 
 votedness, her capabilities of acting and en- 
 during hav,e sometimes appeared almost su- 
 perhuman ; so much so, that when we con- 
 template woman in this point of view, we al- 
 most fail to recognise as a being of the same 
 species, the idle flutterer of the ball-room, or 
 the listless murmurer beside the parental 
 hearth. 
 
 It is a fearful thing to await the coming of 
 " the dark days of sorrow," before the evil 
 spirit of selfishness shall be exorcised. Let 
 us inquire, then, what aspect this enemy as- 
 sumes in early life, in order that it may be 
 the more easily detected, and expelled from 
 its favorite citadel, the human heart 
 
 Selfishness has other features besides 
 greediness. It is a very mistaken notion, 
 that because persons give freely, they cannot 
 be selfish ; for there is a luxury in giving, 
 which sentimental epicures will sometimes 
 not deny themselves, even for the sake of 
 principle. Thus, some young people are 
 liberal in making presents with their parents' 
 hard-earned money, and even when the 
 same money would be more properly and 
 more justly applied in paying their lawful 
 debts. Such is the mere generosity of im- 
 pulse, which deserves no better name than 
 self-gratification. Indeed, all acting from 
 mere impulse may be classed under the head 
 of selfishness ; because it has no object be- 
 yond the relief or satisfaction of the actor, 
 without reference to its influence or operation 
 upon others. 
 
 The aspect which female selfishness most 
 frequently assumes in early life, may best be 
 described as a kind of absorption in self, or a 
 habit of making self at once the centre and 
 limit of every consideration, which habit is 
 far from being incompatible with liberality 
 in giving. Every thing, in this case, which 
 forms the subject of conversation or thought, 
 has reference to self; and separate from self, 
 there are fv which possess the slightest in- 
 terest. 
 
 " I wish it was always winter," said a 
 young lady very cooHy to me, " the glare of
 
 LOVE AND COURTSHIP. 
 
 109 
 
 the sunshine is so painful to my sight." ] 
 reminded her of the poor of our own spe- 
 cie.?, and the animals of the creation in gen- 
 eralbut she persisted in wishing it was al 
 ways winter ; and yet this young lady wa: 
 generous in giving, but, like too many others, 
 she was accustomed to look upon the whole 
 universe only as it bore some relation or 
 reference to herself. 
 
 Nor does it follow either that such persons 
 should entertain for themselves an inordinate 
 admiration. To hear them talk, one would 
 sometimes be led to suppose that self was 
 the very being with whom, of all others, they 
 were most dissatisfied : yet, all the while, 
 they are too busy finding fault with self, to 
 have time to approve or admire what they 
 might otherwise behold in others. 
 
 How different is this state of mind and 
 feeling from that which acknowledges the 
 rule of Christian love ! In accordance with 
 this rule, it is highly important to begin early 
 to think much of others, and to think of them 
 kindly. We are all, when young, and es- 
 pecially those who believe themselves gifted 
 with more than ordinary talent, tempted to 
 think it both amusing and clever to find out 
 the faults of others ; and among the busy, 
 the meddling, and the maliciously disposed, 
 this habit does often unquestionably afford a 
 more than lawful degree of amusement ; 
 while to her by whom it is indulged, it inva- 
 riably proves in the end most destructive to 
 genuine cheerfulness, good-humor, and peace 
 of mind ; because its own nature being of- 
 fensive, it raises up against her a host of 
 enemies, by whom all that is wrong in her 
 character is magnified, and all that is good is 
 evil spoken of. At the same time she will 
 also find, that this seeming cleverness is 
 also shared with the most vulgar-minded 
 persons of both sexes, and of every grade in 
 society, because none are so low as to be in- 
 capable of seeing the faults of their neigh- 
 bors. 
 
 Could such young satirists be convinced 
 how much real enjoyment they sacrifice for 
 the sake of awakening a momentary interest 
 in their conversation, they would surely pause 
 
 before, the habit should have become so far 
 confirmed as to have repelled their nearest 
 friends, and set them apart from all the social 
 sympathies and sweet charities of life ; for 
 such is inevitably the consequence of perse- 
 vering indulgence in this habit, but especially 
 with such as possess no real talent for amus- 
 ing satire, and who, in their futile attempts to 
 attain the unenviable distinction of being sa- 
 tirical, ascend no further than to acquire a 
 habit of speaking spitefully. It is almost 
 needless to say, that such women are seldom 
 loved, and seldom sought, in cases where a 
 sympathizing friend or kind assistant is re- 
 quired. When such individuals are over- 
 taken by affliction, they then feel how differ- 
 ent a thing it is to have wounded and re- 
 pelled, from what it is to have sAthed and 
 conciliated. Happy for them if they begin to 
 feel this before it is too late ! 
 
 But if, in connection with their affliction, 
 the minds of such individuals should become 
 subject to impressions of a religious nature 
 and, as is natural in such cases, they should 
 seek the society of religious people, how 
 deeply will they then deplore that their un- 
 fortunate habit of thinking and speaking evil 
 of others should have opened their eyes to a 
 thousand little discrepancies of character, 
 and fancied absurdities of conduct, in those 
 it has become most important to their happi- 
 ness that they should confide in ! How do 
 the ridiculous, the inconsistent, the vulgar, 
 then start up to view, with a prominence 
 that throws every other quality into shade ; 
 so that even while they listen to a religious 
 discourse, their thoughts are entirely diverted 
 by some peculiarity in the manner in which 
 it is delivered. 
 
 And all this chain of sad consequences 
 may arise out of the simple habit of trying to 
 be striking and amusing in company, so that 
 self may, by that means, be made an object 
 of greater importance. In comparison with 
 such behavior, how beautiful is that of the 
 simple-hearted young woman, who can be so 
 absorbed in the conversation of others, as to 
 forget that she has taken no part in it her- 
 self; but more especially admirable is the
 
 116 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 conduct of her, who looks only, or chiefly, 
 for what is to be loved and commended in 
 others ; and who, though not insensible to 
 the darker side of human nature, draws over 
 it the veil of charity, because she considers 
 all her fellow-creatures as heirs to the same 
 sufferings and infirmities which she endures, 
 yet as children of the same heavenly Father, 
 and subject with herself to the same dispen- 
 sation of mercy and forgiveness. 
 
 The habit of thinking perpetually of self is 
 always accompanied by its just and necessa- 
 ry punishment a more than ordinary share 
 of wounded feeling. The reason is a very 
 obvious one ; that persons whose thoughts 
 are usually thus engaged, are apt to suppose 
 themselves the subject of general observation, 
 and scarcity can a whisper be heard in the 
 same room, but they immediately settle it in 
 their own minds that they are the subject of 
 injurious remark. They are also keenly alive 
 to every slight ; such as not being known or 
 noticed when they are met, not being invited 
 to visit their friends, and a thousand other 
 acts of omission, which an unselfish disposi- 
 tion would kindly attribute to some other 
 cause than intentional disrespect. 
 
 It is the result of selfishness, too, when we 
 are so unreasonable as to expect that every- 
 body should love us ; or when we are piqued 
 and irritated when convinced that some, up- 
 on whom we have but little claim, do not. 
 Surely, so unfair a demand upon the good- 
 will of society might be cured by asking, Do 
 we love everybody, do justice to everybody, 
 and deserve to be loved by everybody ? For, 
 until this is the case, what title have we to 
 universal affection ? It might also tend, in 
 some degree, to equalize the balance of re- 
 quirement in favor of self, if we would recol- 
 lect that the faults we most dislike in others, 
 may, all the while, be less offensive to us than 
 ours to them ; and that not only for all the 
 actual faults, but even for the objectionable 
 peculiarities, which society puts up with in 
 us, we owe a repayment which can only be 
 made in kindness and forbearance to others. 
 In the manners and appearance of persons 
 accustomed to dwell much upon the slights 
 
 they are subject to, and the injuries they re- 
 ceive from others, there is a restless uneasi- 
 ness, and a tendency to groundless suspicion, 
 as much at variance with peace of mind, as 
 with that charity which " thinketh no evil." 
 Compare with such a state of mind and feel- 
 ing the sunny calm which lives, even in the 
 countenance of her, whose soul is at peace 
 with all the human race ; who finds in all, 
 even the most humble, something either to 
 admire, or love ; and who esteems whatever 
 kindness she receives from others, as more 
 than her own merits would have entitled her 
 to expect; and we see at once the advantage 
 she enjoys over those with whom self is the 
 subject of paramount interest 
 
 Another fatal enemy to woman's peace, 
 as well as to her moral and spiritual advance- 
 ment, is her tendency to a peculiar kind of 
 petty artifice, as directly opposed, in its na- 
 ture, to simplicity of heart, as to integrity. 
 Artifice may possibly be considered too se- 
 vere a name for what is scarcely more than a 
 species of acting ; or, perhaps, it may, with 
 still greater propriety, be called, practising 
 upon others, for the purpose of gratifying 
 selfishness, and feeding vanity. 
 
 Affectation is the first symptom of this ten- 
 dency. There are many kinds of affectation, 
 differing in their moral nature according to 
 the seriousness and importance of what is 
 affected. Affectation of ignorance is, perhaps, 
 the most absurd of them all. Yet how often 
 do we find a young pretender to gentility af- 
 fecting not to know any thing which is vul- 
 gar or mean ; and, among this class, taking 
 especial pains to place many things with 
 which every rational being ought to be ac- 
 quainted ! 
 
 The affectation of sensibility is, perhaps, 
 the most common of all ; because that pecu- 
 liar faculty of the female mind, bestowed for 
 the purpose of rendering her more efficient 
 as a minister of comfort and consolation, is 
 looked upon rather as a matter of taste, than 
 as a principle ; just as if fine feelings were 
 only given to women to look pretty with. 
 Women who are vain of their sensibility, and 
 wish to have it indulged, generally choose
 
 SELFISHNESS, VANITY, ARTIFICE, AND INTEGRITY. 
 
 Ill 
 
 veak and flattering friends, to whom they 
 constantly complain of what they suffer from 
 xcess of feeling. 
 
 It is, indeed, a lamentable fact, and^ most 
 jrobably the consequence of some misman- 
 agement in early youth, that the sensitive- 
 ness of some women is such as to render 
 hem altogether useless, and sometimes 
 worse than useless, in any case of suffering 
 or alarm. If such individuals sincerely regret 
 Jiis disqualification, they are truly deserving 
 of our pity ; but if they make a parade of it, 
 no language can be strong enough for their 
 condemnation. 
 
 Allusion has already been made to that 
 affectatioa of modesty which consists in 
 simpering and blushing about what a truly 
 delicate mind would neither have perceived 
 nor understood, nor would have been in the 
 slightest degree amused by if it had. 
 
 Affectation of humility is often betrayed by 
 a proneness in persons to accuse themselves 
 of some darling fault ; while they repel with 
 indignation the suspicion that they possess 
 any other. 
 
 That kind of affectation which relates es- 
 pecially to manner, consists chiefly in assum- 
 ing a particular expression of countenance 
 or mode of behavior, which is not supported 
 by a corresponding state of feeling. Thus 
 an affectation of attention, when the thought 
 are wandering, instead of that quiet and fixed 
 look which indicates real interest, produces 
 a certain degree of uneasiness of countenance 
 arising out of the restraint imposed upon na- 
 ture, which effectually destroys the power of 
 beauty ; while those futile attempts at being 
 brilliant, which consist only in flashes of the 
 eye, smiles that have neither appropriateness 
 nor meaning, and an expression of face 
 changing suddenly from grave to gay from 
 despair to rapture are sufficient indications 
 of a state of mind almost too degraded and 
 deplorable for ridicule. 
 
 Affectation of manner, however, is not un- 
 frequently the result of excessive timidity 
 and then indeed it claims our tenderest com 
 passion, and our kindest sympathy. I have 
 known little girls, when harshly treated in 
 
 childhood, acquire a constrained and affected 
 manner, from the constant state of unnatural 
 pprehension in which they lived. This kind 
 of affectation is apt to become in after years 
 fixed habit, and has subjected many a well- 
 meaning person to unmerited ridicule, and 
 sometimes to contempt. Indeed, affectation 
 of manner ought always to be guarded 
 against, because of the unfavorable impres- 
 sion it is calculated to make upon others ; 
 and especially upon those who know of no 
 ligher qualities in connection with this pe- 
 culiarity of manner, and upon whom it i 
 consequently the only impression ever made, 
 and the only standard by which the unfortu- 
 nate subject of affectation is judged of for 
 life. How much of the influence of good 
 example, and the effect of benevolent effort, 
 is frustrated by this seemingly insignificant 
 cause, may be judged of by the familiar con- 
 versation which takes place in society, and 
 particularly among the young, when they 
 discuss the merits or demerits of persons 
 from whose influence or authority they would 
 gladly discover a plea for escaping. 
 
 Besides the timidity which belongs to con 
 stitutional fear, and which so frequently pro- 
 duces affectation of manner, there is a timid- 
 ity of a widely different kind, about which 
 many serious mistakes are made. I mean 
 the timidity of the vain. Excessive vanity 
 excites a nervous trembling apprehension in 
 the young candidate for public favor, which 
 is often most erroneously supposed to arise 
 from a low estimate of self. Nor is it impos- 
 sible that it should arise from this cause, and 
 be the consequence of vanity still ; for, if 
 may use the expression, there is a vanity 
 above par, and another vanity below it 
 there is a vanity which, looks eagerly for 
 homage, believing it to be a right ; there is 
 another which scarcely ventures into the field 
 of competition, convinced of its inadequacy 
 to succeed, but which nevertheless, retires 
 with a feeling of sullenness and depression, 
 not much allied to genuine humility. It is 
 that state of vacillation between the excessive 
 pleasure which admiration would afford i 
 obtained, and the excessive pain which any
 
 112 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 thing approaching to ridicule or contempt 
 would occasion, that often imparts to the 
 manners of the young, a blushing nervous 
 kind of hesitation and backwardness, mis- 
 called timidity. The timidity of modest feel- 
 ing escapes from notice, and is happy ; that 
 of vanity escapes, and is piqued and miser- 
 able. She who suffers from the timidity of 
 vanity, shrinks from society higher than her- 
 self, not so much from fear, as from jealousy 
 of being outshone. The simple-hearted wo- 
 man, desirous of improvement, esteems it a 
 privilege to go into the company of her supe- 
 riors, for the sake of what she may learn 
 from those who are better informed, or more 
 estimable, than herself. 
 
 In contemplating the nature and effects of 
 artifice, or rather that system of practising 
 upon others which I have endeavored to de- 
 scribe, and in reflecting upon the state of 
 mind which this species of practising indi- 
 cates, we arrive at a more clear and decided 
 idea of integrity, as directly opposed to this 
 system, than we can by any other process of 
 thought There is in fact no means of giving 
 a positive definition of integrity, so as to 
 make it fully understood. We may call it a 
 straightforward and upright mode of con- 
 duct ; but it will still remain, as before, to be 
 considered by young ladies a sort of thing 
 which belongs to servants and trades-people, 
 but not to them. 
 
 It is a matter of surprise to some, and 
 ought to be a subject of universal regret, that 
 in our public seminaries for the training of 
 youth, integrity should occupy so small a 
 share of attention. Even in our popular 
 works on education, it holds no very import- 
 ant place ; and yet I am inclined to think, 
 that a want of strict integrity is the greatest 
 of all wants to a social, moral, and account- 
 able being. In this opinion, I doubt not but 
 many of my readers will cordially agree, be- 
 cause all are more or less inclined to restrict 
 the meaning of integrity, to a conscientious 
 abstaining from fraudulent practices. Thus, 
 when a man has never been known to cheat 
 in his business, it is said of him, that his in- 
 tegrity is unimpeachable ; and a woman is 
 
 dignified with the same character, when she 
 is strict in keeping her accounts, and dis- 
 charging her pecuniary debts. So far, both 
 are entitled to our respect ; but there are in- 
 numerable modes in which integrity operates 
 upon character and conduct, besides what 
 relate to the management of pecuniary af- 
 fairs. 
 
 Simplicity of heart is perhaps more gener- 
 ally understood and admired than integrity, 
 if we may judge by the frequent and eloquent 
 manner in which it is expatiated upon by 
 those who describe the attractions of youth. 
 Simplicity of heart is unquestionably a great 
 charm in woman ; yet I cannot think it su- 
 perior to integrity, because it consists more 
 in ignorance of evil, and consequently of 
 temptation, than in principle, which would 
 withstand both. It consists chiefly in that 
 unruffled serenity of soul, which suspects no 
 lurking mischief beneath the fair surface of 
 things in general which trusts, and confides, 
 and is happy in this confidence ; because it 
 has never been deceived, nor has learned the 
 fatal mystery of deceiving others. It is like 
 the dew on the untrodden grass, the bloom 
 of the flower, the down on the butterfly's 
 wing, the purity of newly-fallen snow, before 
 even a breath of wind has swept over it. 
 Alas ! what has it to do in this world of ours, 
 where so many rude feet tread, and where 
 so many rough winds blow 1 Consequently 
 we find but little true simplicity of heart, ex- 
 cept in early youth ; or connected with a 
 dullness of perception as to the nature and 
 condition of the human race ; or in situations 
 where a very limited knowledge of the world 
 is admitted. 
 
 But integrity we may find in every circum- 
 stance of life, because integrity is founded on 
 principle ; and consequently while not a stran- 
 ger to temptation, its nature is to withstand 
 it Integrity is shown in a straightforward 
 and upright line of conduct, on trifling, as well 
 as on great occasions ; in private, as well as in 
 public ; beneath the eye of God alone, as well 
 as before the observation of men. It is a'shield 
 of protection under which no man can make 
 us afraid ; because when actuated in all tilings
 
 SELFISHNESS, VANITY, ARTIFICE, AND INTEGRITY. 
 
 113 
 
 by the principle of integrity, no unexpected 
 event can bring to light what we are afraid or 
 ashamed to have known. The woman who 
 walks through the world with unstained integ- 
 rity, is always safe. No fear then of whispering 
 tongues ; or of those confidential revealings 
 of friendly secrete, by which the creature' of 
 artifice is ever kept in a state of dread ; no 
 fear then of a comparing of evidence by dif- 
 ferent parties ; of the treachery of private 
 agents ; of the mal-occurrence of contingent 
 events ; above all, of that half-implied sus- 
 picion which can with difficulty be warded off, 
 except by an entire falsehood. The woman 
 of integrity fears none of these. Her course 
 is clear as that of the sun in the heavens, and 
 the light she sheds around her in society, is 
 scarcely less genial and pure. 
 
 Let us ask then, how this integrity may be 
 preserved, or rather for I fear that will be 
 more to the purpose how it is most fre- 
 quently, and most fatally destroyed. 
 
 There is reason to fear, that even home- 
 education is defective enough on this point ; 
 but if every one who has been educated at a 
 public school, would tell one half of the many 
 arts of subterfuge, trickery, and evasion, 
 which she learned to practise there ; and if 
 all who are advanced in life would also trace 
 out the consequences upon their subsequent 
 conduct, of having learned in early life these 
 lessons in the school of deception, I believe 
 an amount of moral culpability, and of offen- 
 siveness in the sight of God, would be unfold- 
 ed, which some of our early instructors would 
 shudder to contemplate. On looking into the 
 dark past, they would then see how, while 
 they were so diligently and patiently yes, 
 and meritoriously too, teaching us the rules 
 of grammar, arithmetic, and geography ; ex- 
 pending their daily strength, and often their 
 midnight thought, in devising and carrying 
 out improved schemes for making us learn 
 more languages, and remember more words ; 
 we had been almost equally busy in devising 
 schemes to promote our own interest, to es- 
 tablish ourselves in the favor of our instruct- 
 ors, or to escape their too frequently well- 
 merited displeasure. 
 
 And women from their very infancy are apt 
 at all this ; because to the timid, and affection- 
 ate little girl, it is so sad a thing to fall into 
 disgrace so pleasant a thing to be approved, 
 and loved. Her young and tender spirit sinks 
 like a broken flower, when she falls under 
 condemnation ; but springs up exulting like 
 the lark, when commended by the lips she 
 loves. 
 
 What, then, shall we say, when it is this 
 very sensitiveness and tenderness of her na- 
 ture, which so often, in the first instance, be- 
 trays her into ingenious, indirect, and too 
 frequently unlawful means, for warding off 
 blame, or obtaining praise. There is but one 
 thing we can say that in common kindness, 
 in Christian charity, her education should be 
 studiously rendered such as to strengthen her 
 under this weakness, not to involve her more 
 deeply in its worst consequences the loss of 
 her integrity. 
 
 Few persons are aware, until they have 
 entered into a full and candid examination 
 of this subject, how very minute, and appa- 
 rently insignificant, are those beginnings, from 
 whence flow some of the deepest channels of 
 deception. Falsehood makes a serious begin- 
 ning at school, when the master helps out a 
 drawing, and the pupil obtains the praise, as 
 if the whole work was her own. The master 
 has most probably added only a few effective 
 touches, so extremely small as not to be de- 
 tected by an unpractised eye ; and while the 
 proud and triumphant mother exhib*s the 
 drawing to her flattering friends, it rould be 
 difficult indeed for the little girl say it wag 
 not her own doing, because a-* the patience, 
 all the labor, and a great *eal of the merit, 
 were unquestionably he**- Yet, to let it pass 
 with these unqualified commendations be- 
 stowed upon her ^ the author, is a species 
 of lying to God. Her young heart knows it 
 to be so, and *&e feels either humbled, or con- 
 firmed is thi deception. Happy, thrice hap- 
 py, if it be the former ! 
 
 Nor fe home-education by any means ex- 
 empt .*om its temptations to falsehood. There 
 are many little deceptions practised upon un- 
 suspecting mothers and absent fathers, which
 
 114 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 tain the page of youthful experience, and 
 ead to further and more skilful practice in 
 tie school of deception. There are stolen 
 weets, whose bitter fruit has been deliberate 
 alsehood ; excuses made, and perhaps wholly 
 relieved, which were perhaps only half true ; 
 and sly thefts committed upon household 
 >roperty, to serve a selfish end ; all which 
 lave had a degrading effect upon the charac- 
 er, and which in their worst consequences 
 lave led to one falsehood made use of to con- 
 ceal another, and a third or a fourth to cover 
 both. 
 
 But if childhood is beset with these tempta- 
 ions, how much has woman to guard against, 
 when she first mixes with society, and enters 
 the disputed ground, where, to be most agree- 
 able, constitutes the strongest title to posses- 
 sion ! She is then tempted to falsehood, not 
 n her words only, but in her looks ; for there 
 s a degree of integrity in looks, as well as in 
 xpressions; and I am not quite sure that 
 the woman who can look a falsehood, is not 
 a worse deceiver than she who only tells one. 
 All sweetness of look and manner, assumed 
 for the purpose of gaining a point, or answer- 
 ing a particular end, comes under this de- 
 scription of artifice. Many persons who 
 cannot conscientiously assent to what is said, 
 assume a look of sympathy or approval, 
 which sufficiently answers the purpose of 
 deception, and at the same time escapes all 
 risk of discovery as such. Thus, an implied 
 asser/ by a smile and a nod, to what we do not 
 believe, nften spares us the trouble and pain 
 of exposing, O ur real sentiments, where they 
 are unpopular. O r would be likely to meet 
 with inconveniew- opposition. 
 
 Still I should be tarry to set down all per- 
 sons who smile, and n<j, an d appear to as- 
 sent to two different sidw? o f a question, as 
 intentional deceivers ; because I believe that 
 much of this sort of double-deUing arises out 
 of the habit so many women indulge, of never 
 making up their minds decidedly otany point 
 of general interest, or viewing any s.bject in 
 a distinct and determinate manner ; so t 
 they may almost be said really to think for the 
 time in two different ways : at any rate, during 
 
 the time they listen to each speaker separately 
 they are sufficiently convinced for them. 
 
 Thus it becomes the first act of integrity to 
 endeavor to see, hear, and believe the truth, 
 and then to speak it. A grateful woman, re- 
 gardless of this rule, speaks of all persons as 
 good, to whom she is indebted, or who have 
 in any way served her purposes. Another, 
 and a far more serious instance of the same 
 kind of practice, consists in pretending not to 
 see, or not to understand vice, where it is not 
 convenient to believe in its existence ; and 
 this is often done by the same persons, who 
 are quick to detect and expose it where such 
 exposure is suited to their purpose. 
 
 And thus women in general become ha- 
 bituated to an indefinite way of thinking, and 
 a careless mode of speech, both which may 
 be serviceable to the mean-spirited, by pre- 
 venting the detection of error in sentiment, 
 or unsoundness of principle ; though I be- 
 lieve neither of them were ever yet found 
 available in assisting the cause of truth or 
 righteousness. 
 
 Again, in the act of doing good, there is a 
 manner of speaking of what we have done, 
 which, though not directly false, is certainly 
 at variance with strict integrity. I mean 
 when young ladies talk especially about their 
 schools, their poor women, and their old men ; 
 as if their individual charities were most be- 
 nevolent in their operation, and unbounded 
 in their extent ; when perhaps they have but 
 recently begun to be exercised in these par- 
 ticular channels. This is speaking the truth 
 in such a manner, as to produce a false im- 
 pression ; and the consequence not unfre- 
 quently is, when really zealous and devoted 
 people hear the speaker give this account of 
 her good deeds, and when they take up the 
 subject, and address her upon it, according 
 to the impression her words have produced ; 
 that, rather than descend from the false posi- 
 tion she has assumed, and lower herself in 
 the opinion of those with whom she wishes to 
 stand well, she goes on to practise further arti- 
 fice, or possibly plunges into actual falsehood. 
 And it ought always to be borne in mind, 
 I that these little casual, but sometimes start-
 
 SELFISHNESS, ARTIFICE, VANITY, AND INTEGRITY. 
 
 115 
 
 ling turns in common conversation, produce 
 more actual untruths than the most trying 
 circumstances in life, where we have incom- 
 parably more at stake. If we were all to 
 take account each night of the untruths we 
 had told in the course of the day, from an 
 exaggerated description designed to make a 
 story more amusing, down to the frequent 
 case of receiving credit for an original re- 
 mark, which we knew was not our own, I 
 imagine few persons would find themselves 
 altogether clear of having done violence to 
 the pure spirit of truth. And if we add, 
 also, to this list of falsehoods, all those un- 
 fair or garbled statements, which may tend to 
 throw a brighter coloring over some cause 
 we wish to advocate, or cast another into 
 shade, I believe we should find that we had 
 indeed abundant need to pray for the re- 
 newed assistance of the Holy Spirit, to touch 
 and guard our lip^so that they should utter 
 no more guile. 
 
 Besides these instances of the want of in- 
 tegrity, in which our own consciences alone are 
 concerned, there are others which demand a 
 stricter attention to the claims of justice, as 
 they relate to our friends, and to society at 
 large. Under which head, I would notice 
 the duty of doing justice to those we do not 
 love, and especially to those who have in- 
 jured us. Instead of which, how frequently 
 do we find that young women begin to tell 
 all the bad qualities of their friends, as soon 
 as they have quarrelled with them ! How 
 often do we find, too, that such disagree- 
 ments are related with conscious unfairness, 
 their own evil being kept out of sight, as wel 
 as their friend's good, where there has been 
 a mixture of both ! 
 
 There is a common practice too, when our 
 own conduct is in any way called in ques- 
 tion, and our friends kindly assign a plausible 
 reason for what we have done, to let tha 
 pass as the real one, though we know, with- 
 in our hearts, it is not so ; or to let persons 
 make a favorable guess respecting us, with- 
 out contradicting it, though we know thei 
 conclusions, in consequence of our silence, o 
 apparent assent, will be false ones. 
 
 Now, all these things, how insignificant 
 soever they may appear to man, are import- 
 ant between the soul and its Maker, and 
 must be deeply offensive in the sight of that 
 Being who is of purer eyes than to behold in- 
 quity. They are important, as forming parts 
 of a whole, items of a mass, links in a chain, 
 steps in a downward progress, which must 
 ead away from a participation with the 
 Blessed, in a kingdom, whose enjoyments 
 consist of purity and truth. 
 
 We have now come to that consideration 
 of the subject of integrity, which relates to 
 pecuniary affairs. And here what a field of 
 operation opens before us, for the develop- 
 ment of those principles of good or evil, of 
 benevolence or selfishness, of uprightness or 
 artifice, which I have endeavored to describe, 
 less by their own nature, than by their influ- 
 ence upon the manners and general conduct 
 of women ! 
 
 I believe there is nothing in the usages of 
 society more fatal to the interests of man- 
 kjnd, to the spiritual progress of individuals, 
 or to the general well-being of the human 
 soul, than laxity of principle as regards ou 
 pecuniary dealings with each other. It is a 
 case which all can understand the worldly 
 as well as religious professors ; if, then, the 
 slightest flaw appears in the conduct of the 
 latter in this respect, the interests of religion 
 must be injured in consequence, and the 
 cause of Christ must suffer. 
 
 " But it is impossible," say the fair readers 
 of this page, " that this part of the subject 
 can have any reference to us, we have so 
 little to do with money ;" or, perhaps, they 
 say, " so little in our power to spend." Per- 
 haps it is the very smallness of your supply 
 according to the ideas you have formed of 
 its inadequacy to meet your wishes, which is 
 the cause of your want of integrity ; for no 
 one can act in strict accordance with the 
 principles of integrity, until they have learned 
 to practise economy. By economy, I do not 
 mean simply the art of saving money, but 
 the nobler science of employing it for the 
 best purposes, and in its just proportions. 
 In order to act out the principles of integ-
 
 116 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 rity in all their dignity, and all their purity, 
 it is highly important, too, that young wo- 
 men should begin in early life to entertain a 
 scrupulous delicacy with regard to incurring 
 pecuniary obligations ; and especially, never 
 to throw themselves upon the politeness of 
 gentlemen, to pay the minutest sum in the 
 way of procuring for them gratification, or 
 indulgence. I do not say that they may not 
 frequently be so circumstanced, as, with the 
 utmost propriety, to receive such kindness 
 from near relations, or even from elderly 
 persons ; but I speak of men in general, 
 upon whom they have not the claim of kin- 
 dred ; and I have observed the carelessness 
 with which some young ladies tax the polite- 
 ness nay, the purses of gentlemen, respect- 
 ing which it would be difficult to say, whether 
 it indicated most an absence of delicate feel- 
 ing, or an absence of integrity. 
 
 I am aware, that, in many cases, this un- 
 satisfactory kind of obligation is most diffi- 
 cult to avoid, and, sometimes, even impos- 
 sible ; yet, a prompt and serious effort should 
 always be made and made in such a way 
 that you shall clearly be understood to have 
 both the wish, and the power, to pay your 
 own expenses. If the wish is wanting, I 
 can have nothing to say in so humiliating a 
 case ; but if you have not the means of de- 
 fraying your own charges, it is plain that you 
 have no right to enjoy your pleasures at the 
 expense of another. There are, however, 
 different ways of proposing to discharge 
 such debts ; and there is sometimes a hesi- 
 tancy in the alternate advance and retreat of 
 the fair lady's purse, which would require 
 extraordinary willingness on the part of the 
 gentleman, were his object to obtain a re- 
 payment of his own money. 
 
 It is the same in the settlement of all other 
 debts. Delicacy ought seldom, if ever, to 
 form a plea for their adjustment being neg- 
 lected. Indeed, few persons feel their deli- 
 cacy much wounded, by having the right- 
 money paid to them at the right time ; or, in 
 other words, when it is due. The same re- 
 marks will apply to all giving of commis- 
 sions. Never let such affairs stand on and 
 
 on, for want of a suitable opportunity for ar- 
 ranging their settlement; especially, never 
 let the payment of a debt be longer delayed, 
 because it is evidently forgotten by the party 
 to whom it is owing. 
 
 All matters of business should also be ad- 
 justed as fairly, and as promptly, with friends 
 and near relations, as with strangers ; and all 
 things in such cases should be as clearly un- 
 derstood. If the property transferred be in- 
 tended as a gift, say so ; if a loan, say that 
 the thing is lent ; and if a purchase, either 
 pay for it, or name the price you expect How 
 many lasting and lamentable misunderstand- 
 ings among the nearest connections would this 
 kind of integrity prevent how much wound- 
 feeling, disappointment, and chagrin ! 
 
 It is a mistaken view of economy, and 
 evinces a great want of integrity, when per- 
 sons are always endeavoring to obtain servi- 
 ces, or to purchase good^ at a lower rate 
 than their just value. But if the vender of 
 an article be indebted to you for a kindness, 
 it is something worse than mean, to ask, for 
 that reason, an abatement in its price. 
 
 In many cases where our claims are just, 
 it is easy to press them in an unjust manner ; 
 and we never do this more injuriously to the 
 interests of society, than when we urge work- 
 people beyond what is necessary, by telling 
 them that a thing will positively be needed at 
 a certain time, when we do not really believe 
 it will. There is a general complaint against 
 dressmakers, shoemakers, and many other 
 makers of articles of clothing, that they are 
 habitually regardless of punctuality and truth. 
 But I am disposed to think the root of the 
 grievance in a great measure arises out of 
 the evil already alluded to, on the part of the 
 ladies by whom they are employed. 
 
 Let us imagine the case of a young dress- 
 maker, 6ne of that most pitiable class of hu- 
 man beings, whose pallid countenances, and 
 often deformed and feeble frames, sufficiently 
 attest the unnatural exertions by which they 
 obtain their scanty bread. A young lady 
 wishes to have a dress elaborately made, and 
 for the sake of having it done expeditiously, 
 names the precise day on which it must be
 
 SELFISHNESS, ARTIFICE, VANITY, AND INTEGRITY. 
 
 117 
 
 finished, adding as a sufficient reason for 
 punctuality, that it must then be worn. The 
 poor dressmaker sits all night long in her lit- 
 tle joyless room, working by the light of a 
 thin candle, while the young lady sleeps 
 soundly in her bed. The Sabbath dawns, 
 and the dressmaker is still at work ; until 
 passing feet begin to be heard in the street, 
 and shutters are unclosed; and then, with 
 aching head and weary limbs, she puts away 
 her unfinished task, doubting whether the re- 
 mainder of the day shall be devoted to the 
 sleep which exhausted nature demands, or to 
 wandering abroad to search for purer air, of 
 which that nature is equally in need. The 
 day arrives at last on which the dress must 
 be taken home, according to appointment. 
 This time the dressmaker is punctual, be- 
 cause she believes that delay would be of 
 consequence. She knocks at the door of the 
 lady's mansion. The servant coolly tells her 
 that her young mistress has gone to spend a 
 few days in the country. Is it likely that 
 this poor workwoman should be equally- 
 punctual the next time her services are re- 
 quired 1 or need we ask how the law of love 
 has operated here 1 
 
 The habit of keeping strict accounts with 
 regard to the expenditure of money, is good 
 in all circumstances of life ; but it is never 
 so imperative a duty, as when we have the 
 property of others committed to our care. 
 Unfaithfulness in the keeping and manage- 
 ment of money which belongs to others, has 
 perhaps been the cause of more flagrant dis- 
 aster and disgrace, than any other species of 
 moral delinquency which has stained the 
 character of man, or woman either. Yet, 
 how easily may this occur, without an ex- 
 treme of scrupulous care, which the young 
 cannot too soon, or too earnestly learn to 
 practise ! Even in the collecting of subscrip- 
 tions for two different purposes, small sums, 
 by some slight irregularity, may become mix- 
 ed ; and integrity is sacrificed, if the minutest 
 fraction be eventually placed to >the wrong 
 account. 
 
 I cannot for an instant suppose that s. 
 Christian woman, under any circumstances, 
 
 even the most difficult and perplexing, could 
 be under the slightest temptation to appro- 
 priate to her own use, for a month, a week, 
 a day* or an hour, the minutest item of what 
 she had collected for another purpose, trust- 
 ing to her own future resources for its reim- 
 bursement ; because this would be a species 
 of dishonesty, which, if once admitted as a 
 principle of conduct, would be liable to termi- 
 nate in the most fearful and disastrous con- 
 sequences. It is the privilege of the daugh- 
 ters of England, that they have learned a 
 code of purer morals, than to admit even 
 such a thought, presented under the form of 
 an available means of escape from difficulty, 
 or attainment of gratification. Still it is well 
 to fortify the mind, as far as we are able, 
 against temptation of every kind, that if it 
 should occur and who can be secure against 
 it 1 we may not be taken unawares by an 
 enemy whose assaults are sometimes as in- 
 sidious, as they are always untiring. 
 
 One of the means I would now propose to 
 the young reader, is to turn with serious at- 
 tention to the case of Ananias and Sapphira, 
 as related in the Acts of the Apostles ; nor 
 let it be forgotten, that this appalling act of 
 moral delinquency, originating in selfishness, 
 and terminating in falsehood, was the first 
 sin which had crept into the fold of Christ, 
 after the Shepherd had been withdrawn, and 
 while the flock remained in a state approach- 
 ing the nearest to that of perfect holiness, 
 which we have reason to believe was ever 
 experienced on this earth, since the time 
 when sin first entered into the world. 
 
 Yes, it is an awful and impressive thought, 
 that even in this state, temptation was allow- 
 ed to present itself in such a form, accom- 
 | panied with a desire still to stand well with 
 the faithful, even after integrity was gone 
 The words of Peter are most memorable on 
 this occasion : While it remained, was it not 
 thine own ? and after it was so/rf, was it not in 
 thine own power? Evidently implying, that it 
 was better not to pretend to act upon high 
 and generous principles, than not to do so 
 faithfully- He then concludes in this em- 
 phatic language : " Tkou has not lied unto
 
 119 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 men, but unto God." By which we learn, 
 that every species of dishonesty practised 
 between the soul and its Maker, is equally 
 offensive in the sight of God, as that which 
 is evident to men ; and that there is no clear, 
 upright, and faithful walk for any human be- 
 ing in this world, whether young or old, 
 whether rich or poor, whether exalted or 
 lowly, but that which is in strict accordance 
 with the principles of integrity. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 DEDICATION OF YOUTH. 
 
 WITHOUT having made any pretension in 
 this volume to class it under the head of a 
 religious work, I have endeavored to render 
 it throughout conducive to the interests of 
 religion, by pointing out those minor duties 
 of life, and those errors of society, which 
 strictly religious writers almost universally 
 consider as too insignificant for their atten- 
 tion. And, perhaps, it is not easy to inter- 
 weave these seeming trifles in practice, with 
 the great fundamental principles of Christian 
 faith. 
 
 I cannot but think, however, that to many, 
 and'especially to the young, this minuteness 
 of detail may have its use, by bringing home 
 to their attention familiar instances upon 
 which Christian principle may be brought to 
 bear. For I am one of those who think that 
 religion ought never to be treated or consid- 
 ered as a thing set apart from daily and fa- 
 miliar use, to be spoken of as belonging al- 
 most exclusively to sabbaths, and societies, 
 and serious reading. To me it appears that 
 the influence of religion should be like an 
 atmosphere, pervading all things connected 
 with our being ; that it ought to constitute 
 the element in which the Christian lives, 
 more than the sanctuary into which he re- 
 tires. When considered in this point of 
 view, nothing can be too minute to be sub- 
 mitted to the test of its principles ; so that, 
 instead of our worldly and our spiritual con- 
 
 cerns occupying two distinct pages in our 
 experience, the one, according to this rule, 
 becomes regulated by our spiritual views ; 
 and the other applied to our worldly avoca- 
 tions, as well as to our eternal interests. 
 
 In relation to this subject it has been re- 
 marked, in the quaint language of an old 
 writer, that no sin is "little in itself, because 
 there is no little law to be despised no little 
 heaven to be lost no little hell to be en- 
 dured ;" and it is by this estimate that I 
 would value every act, and every thought, 
 in which the principles of good and evil are 
 involved. 
 
 The great question, whether the principles 
 of Christian faith, or, in other words, wheth- 
 er the religion of the Bible, shall be adopted 
 as the rule of conduct by the young, remains 
 yet to be considered, not in relation to the 
 nature of that faith, but as regards the de- 
 sirableness of embracing it at an early period 
 of life, willingly and entirely, with earnest- 
 ness as well as love. 
 
 I am writing thus on the supposition, that, 
 with all who read these pages, convictions of 
 the necessity and excellence of personal re- 
 ligion have at one time or other been experi- 
 enced. The opinion is general, and, I be- 
 lieve, correct, that the instances are extremely 
 rare in which the Holy Spirit does not awa- 
 ken the human soul to a sense of its real 
 situation as an accountable being, passing 
 through a state of probation, before entering 
 upon an existence of endless duration. Nor 
 among young persons born of Christian pa- 
 rents, and educated in a Christian country, 
 where the means of religious instruction are 
 accessible to all, is it easy to conceive that 
 such convictions have not, at times, been 
 strong and deep ; though, possibly, they may 
 have been so neglected as to render their re- 
 currence less frequent, and less powerful in 
 their influence upon the mind. 
 
 Still it is good to recall the time when the 
 voice of warning, and of invitation, was first 
 heard ; to-revisit the scene of a father's faith- 
 ful instruction, and of the prayers of a lost 
 mother ; to hear again the sabbath-evening 
 sermon ; to visit the cottage of a dying
 
 DEDICATION OF YOUTH. 
 
 119 
 
 Christian ; or even to look back once more 
 into the chamber of infancy, where our first 
 tears of real penitence were shed. Iris good 
 to remember how it \vas with us in those by- 
 gone days when we welcomed the chastise- 
 ments of love, and kissed the rod that was 
 stretched forth by a Father's hand. How 
 blest did we then feel, in the belief that we 
 were not neglected, not forgotten, not over- 
 looked ! Has any thing which the world we 
 have too much loved has since offered us, af- 
 forded a happiness to be compared with this 
 belief] Oh! no. Then why not hearken, 
 when the same voice is still inviting you to 
 come 1 and why not comply when the same 
 hand is still pointing out the way to peace ? 
 What is the hindrance which stands in your 
 way 1 What is the difficulty which prevents 
 the dedication of your youth to God ] Let 
 this question be seriously asked, and fully 
 answered ; for it is of immense importance 
 that you should know on what grounds the 
 invitations of the Holy Spirit have been re- 
 jected, and why you are adopting another 
 rule of conduct than that which is prescribed 
 in the gospel of Christ. 
 
 I repeat, it is of immense importance, be- 
 cause this is a subject which admits of no 
 trifling. If it is of importance in every 
 branch of mental improvement, that we 
 should be active, willing, earnest, and faith- 
 ful, it is still more important here. When 
 we do not persevere in learning, it does not 
 follow of necessity that we grow more igno- 
 rant ; because we may remain where we 
 are, while the rest of the world goes on. But 
 in religion, there is no standing still ; because 
 opportunities neglected, and convictions re- 
 sisted, are involved in the great question of 
 responsibility so that no one can open their 
 Bible, or attend the means of religious in- 
 struction, or spend a Sabbath, or even enter 
 into solemn communion with their own heart, 
 as in the sight of God, but they must be so 
 much the worse for such opportunities of 
 improvement, if neglected or despised. 
 
 I have dwelt much in this volume upon the 
 law of perfect love, as well as upon the sin- 
 cerity and the faithfulness with which that 
 
 law should be carried out ; and never is this 
 more important, or more essential, than in our 
 religious profession. The very groundwork 
 of the Christian faith is love ; and love can 
 accomplish more in the way of conformity in 
 life and practice, than could ever be effected 
 by the most rigid adherence to what is be- 
 lieved to be right, without assistance from the 
 life-giving principle of love. 
 
 Still the state of the Christian in this world 
 is always described as one of warfare, and not 
 of repose ; and how, without earnestness, 
 are temptations to be resisted, convictions 
 acted upon, or good intentions carried out 1 
 As time passes on, too, faithfulness is tried. 
 What has been adopted, or embraced, must 
 be adhered to. And in this, with many 
 young persons, consists the greatest of their 
 trials ; for there is often a reaction on first 
 learning to understand something of the re- 
 alities of life, which throws them back from 
 the high state of expectation and excitement, 
 under which they first embraced religious 
 truth. 
 
 But let us return to the objections which 
 most frequently operate to prevent the young 
 surrendering themselves to their convictions 
 of the importance and necessity of personal 
 religion. " If I begin, I must go on." Your 
 mind is not then made up. You have not 
 counted the cost of coming out from the 
 world, nor honestly weighed the advantages 
 of securing the guidance, support, and pro- 
 tection of personal religion, against every 
 other pursuit, object, or idol of your lives. 
 Perhaps it is society, amusement, or fashion, 
 which stands in your way. Be assured there 
 is society of the highest order, where religion 
 is supreme ; and if not exactly what is popu- 
 larly called amusement, there is a heartfelt 
 interest in all which relates, however remote- 
 ly, to the extension of the kingdom of Christ 
 an interest unknown to those who have no 
 bond of union, founded upon the basis of 
 Christian love. 
 
 Is it possible, then, that fashion can deter 
 you fashion, a tyrant at once both frivolous 
 and cruel fashion, who never yet was rich 
 enough to repay one of her followers, for the
 
 120 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF EX'JLAXI). 
 
 sacrifice of a single happy hour fashion, 
 whose realm is folly, and who is perpetually 
 giving place to sickness, sorrow, and the 
 grave 1 Compare for one instant her empire 
 with that of religion. I admit that her pow- 
 er is extensive, almost all-pervading; but 
 what has her sovereign sway effected upon 
 the destinies of man t She has adjusted or- 
 naments, and selected colors ; she has cloth- 
 ed and unclothed thousand?, and arrayed 
 multitudes in her own livery but never has 
 fashion bestowed dignity or peace of mind 
 upon one single individual of the whole fam- 
 ily of man. 
 
 It would be an insult to the nature and 
 the power of religion to proceed further with 
 the comparison. Can that which relates 
 merely to the body, which is fleeting as a 
 breath, and unstable as the shadow of a cloud, 
 deter from what is pure, immortal, and 
 divine 1 
 
 Still I am aware it is easy, in the solitude 
 of the chamber, or in the privacy of domestic 
 life, to think and speak in this exalted strain, 
 and yet to go into the society of the fashion- 
 able, the correct, and the worldly-minded, 
 who have never felt the necessity of being 
 religious, and to be suddenly brought, by the 
 chilling influence of their reasoning or their 
 satire, to conclude that the convenient season 
 for you to admit the claims of religion upon 
 your heart and life, has not yet arrived. 
 
 I believe the most dangerous influence, 
 which society exercises upon young women, 
 is derived from worldly-minded persons, of 
 strong common sense, who are fashionable 
 in their appearance, generally correct in then- 
 conduct, and amiable and attractive in their 
 manners and conversation. Young women 
 guardedly and respectably brought up see 
 little of vice, and know little of 
 
 "The thousand paths which slope the way to sin." 
 
 They .are consequently comparatively un- 
 acquainted with the beginnings of evil, and 
 still less so with those dark passages of life, 
 to which such beginnings are calculated to 
 lead. It follows, therefore, that, except when 
 under the influence of strong convictions, 
 
 they may be said to be ignorant of the real 
 necessity of religion. It is but natural then, 
 that those correct and well-bred persons, to 
 whom allusion has been made, who pass on 
 from the cradle to the brink of the grave, 
 treating religion with respect, as a good thing 
 for the poor and the disconsolate, but al- 
 together unnecessary for them, should appear, 
 on a slight examination of the subject, to be 
 living in a much more enviable state, than 
 those who believe themselves called upon to 
 renounce the world and its vanities, and de- 
 vote their time and their talent?, their en- 
 ergies and their affections, to a cause which 
 the worldly-minded regard, at best, as vision- 
 ary and wild. 
 
 I have spoken of such persons passing on 
 to the brink of the grave, and I have used 
 this expression, because, I believe the grave 
 has terrors, even to them ; that when one 
 earthly hold after another gives way, and 
 health declines, and fashionable friends fall 
 off, and death sits beckoning on the tomb- 
 stones of their newly-buried associates and 
 relatives ; I believe there is often a fearful 
 questioning, about the realities of eternal 
 thing?, and chiefly about the religion, which 
 in idea they had set apart for the poor, the 
 aged, and the disconsolate, but would none 
 of it themselves. 
 
 Yes, I believe, if the young could witness 
 the solitude of such persons, could visit their 
 chambers of sickness, and gain admittance to 
 the secret counsels of their souls, they would 
 find there an aching void, a want, a destitu- 
 tion, which the wealth and the fashion, the 
 pomp and the glory of the whole habitable 
 world would be insufficient to supply. 
 
 It is often secretly objected by young peo- 
 ple, that, by making a profession of religion 
 they should be brought into fellowship and 
 association with vulgar persons : in answer 
 to which argument, it would be easy to show 
 that nothing can be more vulgar than vice, 
 to say nothing of worldly-mindedness. It is, 
 however, more to the purpose to endeavor 
 to convince them, that true religion is so 
 purifying to its own nature, as to be capable 
 of elevating and refining minds which have
 
 DEDICATION OF YOUTH. 
 
 121 
 
 never been either softened or enlightened by 
 any other influence. 
 
 All who have been extensively engaged in 
 the practical exercise of Christian- benevo- 
 lence ; and who, in promoting the good of 
 their fellow-creatures, have been admitted to 
 scenes of domestic privacy among the illiterate 
 and the poor, will bear their testimony to the 
 fact, that religion is capable of rendering the 
 society of some of the humblest and simplest 
 of human beings, as truly refined, and far 
 more affecting in its pathos and interest, than 
 that of the most intelligent circles in the high- 
 er walks of life. I do not, of course, pretend 
 to call it as refined in manners, and phrase- 
 ology : but in the ideas and the feelings which 
 its conversation is intended to convey. That 
 is not refined society where polished language 
 is used as the medium for low ideas ; but 
 that in which the ideas are raised above 
 vulgar and worldly things and assimilated 
 with thoughts and themes on which the holy 
 and the wise, the saint and the philosopher, 
 alike delight to dwell. 
 
 It is no exaggeration then to say, that the 
 conversation of the humble Christian on her 
 death-bed her lowly bed of suffering, sur- 
 rounded by poverty and destitution is some- 
 times so fraught with the intelligence of that 
 celestial world on which her hopes are fixed, 
 that to have spent an hour in her presence, 
 is like having had the glories of heaven, and 
 the wonders of immortality, revealed. And 
 is this a vulgar or degrading employment for 
 a refined and intellectual being 1 to dwell 
 upon the noblest theme which human intel- 
 lect has ever grasped, to look onward from 
 the perishable things of time to the full devel- 
 opment of the eternal principles of truth and 
 love ? to forget the sufferings of frail humani- 
 ty, and to live by faith among the ransomed 
 spirits of the blest, in the presence of angels, 
 and before the Saviour, ascribing honor and 
 glory, dominion and power, to Him that sitteth 
 on the throne and to the Lamb forever and ever J 
 In turning back to the world, from the 
 contemplation of such a state of mind, we 
 I feel that vulgarity consists neither in religion 
 itself, nor in its requirements, but in attaching 
 
 undue importance to the things of time, and 
 m making them our chief, or only good. 
 
 If young people are often deterred from 
 becoming religious by seeing a great number 
 of genteel, correct, and agreeable persons, 
 who, for any thing they can discover to the 
 contrary, are doing very well without it, they 
 are still more forcibly deterred by feeling no 
 want of it within themselves. 
 
 Perhaps you are so protected by parents, 
 and so hemmed in by domestic regulations, 
 that you feel it more difficult to do what is 
 positively wrong, than what is generally ap- 
 proved as right But do not be so blind and 
 presumptuous as to mistake this apparently 
 inoffensive state, for being religious ; and re- 
 membei, if it is difficult to do wrong now, it 
 is the last stage of your experience in which 
 you will find it so. Obliged to quit the pa- 
 rental roof, deprived by death of your nat- 
 ural protectors, required as years advance 
 to take a more active part in the duties of 
 life, or to incur a greater share of culpability 
 by their neglect ; thrown among strangers, or 
 friends who are no longer watchful or soli- 
 citous for your temporal and spiritual good ; 
 involved in new connections, and exposed to 
 temptations both from within and from with- 
 out, how will your mind, lately so careless 
 and secure, awake to a conscious feeling of 
 your own weakness, and a secret terror of 
 impending harm ! For woman from her very 
 feebleness is fearful; while from her sensi- 
 tiveness she is peculiarly exposed to pain. 
 Without religion, then, she is the most pitia- 
 ble, the most abject, the most utterly destitute 
 of all created beings. The^world society 
 nay, even domestic life, has nothing to offer 
 on which her heart in its unregenerate state 
 can rest in safety. Each day is a period of 
 peri!, if not of absolute agony ; for all she has 
 to give her affections, which constitute her 
 wealth are involved in speculations, which 
 can yield back into her bosom nothing but 
 ashes and mourning. 
 
 It i? not so with the woman who has made 
 religion her stronghold her defence her 
 stay. Unchecked in the happiest and most 
 congenial impulse of her nature, can she still j
 
 122 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 love, because the Lord her God has com- 
 manded that she should love him with all her 
 heart, and with all her strength, and that she 
 should love her neighbor as herself. Thus, 
 though disappointment or death may blight her 
 earthly hopes ; or though a cloud may rest upon 
 the bestowment of her affections in this vale 
 of tears, the principle of love which fills her 
 soul remains the same, and she is most happy 
 when its sphere of exercise is unbounded and 
 eternal 
 
 And is it possible that any of the rational 
 beings whom I am addressing would dare to 
 rush upon the dangers and temptations of 
 this uncertain and precarious life, without 
 the protection and support of religion 1 Oh ! 
 no, they tell me they are all believers in re- 
 ligion all professors of the Christian faith. 
 But are you all religious I Deceive not your- 
 selves. There is no other way of being 
 Christians, except by being personally re- 
 ligious. If not personally religious now, are 
 you then ready to begin to be so ? Delay not ; 
 you have arrived at years of discretion, and 
 are capable of judging on many important 
 points. You profess to believe in a religion 
 which expressly teaches you that it is itself the 
 one thing needful What then stands in the 
 way? If, after mature and candid deliberation, 
 you decidedly prefer the world, injure not the 
 cause of Christ by an empty profession, nor 
 act the cowardly part of wearing the outward 
 badge of a faith which holds not possession 
 of your heart and affections. It is neither 
 honorable nor just to allow any one to doubt 
 on whose side you are. If, therefore, your 
 decision be in favor of religion, it is still more 
 important that you should not blush to own 
 a Saviour, who left the glory of the heavenly 
 kingdom, inhabited a mortal and suffering 
 frame, and finally died an ignominious death, 
 for you. 
 
 Nor let the plea of youth retard the offer- 
 ing of your heart to Him who gave you all its 
 capacity for exquisite and intense enjoyment 
 If you are young, you are happy in having 
 more to offer. Though it constitutes the 
 greatest privilege of the Christian dispensa- 
 tion, that we are not required to bring any 
 
 thing by which to purchase the blessings of 
 pardon and salvation ; it surely must atTord 
 some additional satisfaction to a generous 
 mind, to feel that because but a short peiiod 
 of life has passed away, there is more of 
 health and strength, of elasticity and vigor, to 
 bring into the field of action, than if the de- 
 cision upon whose side to engage, had been 
 deferred until a later period. 
 
 What, for instance, should we think of the 
 subjects of a gracious and beneficent sover- 
 eign, who maintained a small territory in the 
 midst of belligerent foes, if none of these sub- 
 jects would consent to serve in his army for the 
 defence of his kingdom, until they had wasted 
 their strength and their vigor in the enemy's 
 ranks, in fighting deliberately and decidedly 
 against the master, whom yet they. professed 
 to consider as their rightful lord ; and then, 
 when all was lost, and they were poor, de- 
 crepit, destitute, and almost useless, returned 
 to him, for no other reason, but because he 
 was a better paymaster than the enemy, un- 
 der whose colors they had fought for the 
 whole of their previous lives ? What should 
 we say, if we beheld this gracious master 
 willing to receive them on such terms, and 
 not only to receive, but to honor and reward 
 them with the choicest treasures of his king- 
 dom ! We should say, that one of the most 
 agonizing thoughts which could haunt the 
 bosom of each of those faithless servants, 
 would be regret and self-reproach, that he 
 had not earlier entered upon the service of 
 his rightful lord. 
 
 There is besides, this fearful consideration 
 connected with the indecision of youth, that 
 in religious experience none can remain sta- 
 tionary. Where there is no progress, there 
 must be a falling back. He who is not icilh 
 me, is against me, was the appalling language 
 of our Saviour when on earth ; by which 
 those who are halting between two opinions, 
 and those who are imagining themselves safe 
 on neutral ground, are alike condemned, as 
 being opposed to the Redeemer's kingdom. 
 It is but reasonable, however, that the young 
 should understand the principles, and reflect 
 maturely upon the claims of religion, before
 
 DEDICATION OF. YOUTH. 
 
 123 
 
 their decision is openly declared. Much in- 
 jury has been done to individuals, as well as 
 to society at large, by a precipitate and uncal- 
 culating readiness to enlist under the banners of 
 the Cross, before the duties of a faithful soldier 
 of Christ have been duly considered. It is 
 the tendency of ardent youth, to invest what- 
 ever it delights in for the moment, with ideal 
 qualities adapted to its taste and fancy. Thus 
 has religion often too often been decked in 
 charms more appropriate to the divinities of 
 Greece and Rome, than to the worship of a 
 self-denying and persecuted people, whose 
 lot on earth, they have been fully warned, is 
 not to be one of luxury or repose. 
 
 The first and severest disappointment to 
 which the young enthusiast in religion is sub- 
 ject, is generally that of finding, on a nearer 
 acquaintance with the devout men and hon- 
 orable women who compose the religious 
 societies into which they are admitted, that 
 they have faults and failings like the rest of 
 mankind, and even inconsistencies in their 
 spiritual walk, which are still more unexpect- 
 ed, and more difficult to reconcile. The first 
 impulse of the young, on making this dis- 
 covery, is often to give up the cause alto- 
 gether ; " for if such," say they, " be the defects 
 of the Christian character, after such a season 
 of experience, and while occupying so exalted 
 a position, it can be of little use to us to perse- 
 vere in the same course." They forget, or 
 perhaps they never have considered, that the 
 highest attainment of the Christian in this 
 world, is often that of alternate error and re- 
 pentance ; and that it is the state of the heart 
 before pod, of which he alone is the judge, 
 which constitutes the difference between a 
 penitent, and an impenitent sinner. Besides 
 which, they know not all The secret strug- i 
 gles of the heart, the temptations overcome, 
 the tears of repentance, which no human eye 
 beholds, must alike be hid from them, as well 
 as the fearful effects upon the peace of mind 
 which these inconsistencies so seriously dis- 
 turb, or destroy. 
 
 A wiser appb'cation of this humbling lesson, 
 would be, for youth to reflect, that if such be 
 the defects in the character of more experi- 
 
 enced Christians, they themselves enjoy the 
 greatest of all privileges, that of profiting by 
 the example of others, so as to avoid stumbling 
 where they have fallen ; and instead of petu- 
 lently turning back from a path which will 
 still remain to be right, though thousands up- 
 on thousands should wander from it, they 
 will thus be enabled to steer a steadier course, 
 and to finish it with greater joy. 
 
 Another great discouragement to the young, 
 consists in finding their efforts to do good so 
 feeble and unavailing nay, sometimes al- 
 most productive of evil, rather than of good. 
 In their charities, especially, they find their 
 confidence abused, and their intentions mis- 
 understood. On every hand, the coldness of 
 the rich, and the ingratitude of the poor, alike 
 repel their ardor. If they engage in schools, 
 no one appears the better for their instruction ; 
 if they connect themselves with bene vol ent so- 
 cieties, they find their individual efforts so 
 trifling, in comparison with the guilt and the 
 misery which prevail, as scarcely to appear 
 deserving of repetition ; while, in the distribu- 
 tion of religious books, and the general atten- 
 tion they give to the spiritual concerns of the 
 ignorant and the destitute, they perceive 
 no fruit of all their zeal, and all their labor. 
 
 I freely grant, that these are very natural 
 and reasonable causes of depression, and such 
 as few can altogether withstand ; but there is 
 one important secret which would operate as 
 a remedy for such depression, if we could ful- 
 ly realize its supporting and consoling power. 
 The secret is, are we doing all this unto God, 
 or unto man ? If unto man, and in our own 
 strength, and solely for the sake of going 
 about doing good ; but especially if we have 
 done it for the sake of having been seen and 
 known to have done it ; even if we have done 
 it for the sake of the reward which we be- 
 lieve to follow the performance of every laud- 
 able act ; or with a secret hope of thereby 
 purchasing the favor of God ; we have no 
 need to be surprised, or to murmur at such 
 unsatisfactory results, which may possibly 
 have been designed as our wholesome chas- 
 tisement, or as the means of checking our fur- 
 ther progress in folly and presumption.
 
 124 
 
 THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 But, if in every act of duty or kindness we 
 engage in, we are actuated simply by a love 
 to God, and a sense of the vast debt of grati- 
 tude we owe for all the unmerited mercies we 
 enjoy, accompanied with a conviction, that 
 whatever the apparent results may be, our 
 debt and our duty are still the same ; that 
 whatever the apparent results may be, our 
 heavenly Father has the overruling of them, 
 and is able to make every thing contribute to 
 the promotion of his glory and the extension 
 of the Redeemer's kingdom, though in ways 
 which we may neither be able to perceive 
 nor understand ; then, indeed, with this view 
 of the subject, we are enabled to persevere 
 through every discouragement, rejoicing only 
 in the ability to labor, and leaving the fruit 
 of our labor with him who has appointed 
 both, 
 
 I must yet allude to another cause of dis- 
 couragement with which the young have to 
 contend, and that is, their own spiritual de- 
 clension, after the ardor of their early zeal 
 has abated. Perhaps I ought rather to say, 
 their imagined declension, because I believe 
 they are often nearer heaven in this humbled, 
 and apparently degraded state, than when 
 exulting in the confidence of untried patience, 
 fortitude, and love. The prevalent idea un- 
 der this state of mind is, that of their own cul- 
 pability, in having made a profession of reli- 
 gion in a state of unfitness, or on improper or 
 insufficient grounds, accompanied with an im- 
 pression that they are undergoing a just pun- 
 ishment for such an act of presumption, and 
 that the only duty which remains for them to 
 do, is to give up the profession of religion al- 
 together. 
 
 Perhaps no delusion is greater, or more uni- 
 versal, than to believe, that because we have 
 been wrong in assuming a position, we must, 
 necessarily, throw ourselves out of it in order 
 to be right This principle would, unques- 
 tionably, be just in all situations where any- 
 particular qualification was needed, which 
 could not immediately be acquired ; but, if 
 the regret be so great on discovering that you 
 are deficient in the evidences of personal re- 
 ligion, surely you can have no hesitation in 
 
 choosing to lay hold of the means which are 
 always available for obtaining that divine as- 
 sistance, which shall render your profession 
 sincere, rather than to give up the duties, the 
 hopes, and the privileges of religion alto- 
 gether. 
 
 It becomes a serious inquiry on these oc- 
 casions, whether the inclination is not wrong, 
 and whether a plea is not even wished for, 
 as an excuse for turning back, after having laid 
 the hand on the plough. If not, the alternative 
 is a safe, and easy one. Begin afresh. Make a 
 fresh dedication of the heart to God. Com- 
 mence the work as if it had never been un- 
 dertaken before, and all may yet.be well per- 
 haps better than if you had never doubted 
 whether you stood upon the right founda- 
 tion. 
 
 It should always be remembered, for the con- 
 solation and encouragement of youth, that in 
 making the decision in favor of religion in early 
 life, there is comparatively little to undo; while 
 if this most important duty is left until a later 
 period, there will be the force of long establish- 
 ed habit to contend with on the side of wrong, 
 ^meshes of evil to unravel, dark paths to travel 
 back, and all that mingled texture of light 
 and darkness, which originates in a polluted 
 heart, and a partially enlightened understand- 
 ing to separate thread from thread. And, oh ! 
 what associations, what memories are there ! 
 what gleaming forth again of the false fire, 
 even after the true has been kindled ! what 
 yawning of the wide sepulchre in which the 
 past is buried, though it cannot rest ! what 
 struggling with the demons of imagination, be- 
 fore they are cast out forever ! what bleeding 
 of the heart, which, like a chastened child, 
 would kiss the rod, yet dare not think how ma- 
 ny stripes would be commensurate with its de- 
 linquency ! Oh ! happy youth ! it is thy 
 privilege, that this can never be thy por- 
 tion ! 
 
 Yes, happy youth ! for thou art ever hap- 
 py in the contemplation of age ; and yet thou 
 hast thy tears. Thou hast thy trials too ; 
 and perhaps their acuteness renders them less 
 bearable than the dull burden of accumula- 
 ted sorrow, which hangs upon maturer years.
 
 DEDICATION OF YOUTH. 
 
 125 
 
 Thou hast thy sorrows : and when the moth- 
 er's eye is closed, that used to watch thy in- 
 fant steps so fondly ; and the father's hand i* 
 cold, that used to rest upon thy head with 
 gentle and impressive admonition ; whom 
 hast thou, whom wilt thou ever have, to sup- 
 ply thy parents' place on earth * Whom 
 hast thou ! The world is poor to thee ; for 
 none will ever love thee with a love like theirs. 
 Thou hast thy golden and exuberant youth, 
 thy joyous step, thy rosy smile, and we call 
 thee happy. But thou hast also thy hours of 
 loneliness, thy disappointments, thy chills, thy 
 blights ; when the hopes on which thy young 
 spirit has soared begin for the first time to 
 droop ; when the love in which thou hast so 
 fondly trusted begins to cool ; when the flow- 
 ers thou hast cherished begin to fade ; when 
 the bird thou hast fed through the winter, in 
 the summer flies away ; when the lamb thou 
 hast nursed in thy bosom, prefers the stran- 
 ger to thee. Thou hast thy tears ; but the 
 bitterest of thy sorrows, how soon are they as- 
 suaged ! It is this then which constitutes thy 
 happiness, for we all have griefs ; but long 
 before old age, they have worn themselves 
 channels which cannot be effaced. It is there- 
 fore that we look back to youth with envy ; 
 because the tablet of the heart is then fresh, 
 and unimpressed, and we long to begin again 
 with that fair surface, and to write upon it no 
 characters but those of truth. 
 
 And will not youth accept the invitation of 
 experience, and come before it is too late 1 
 and come with all its health, and its bloom, 
 and its first-fruits untainted, and lay them 
 upon the altar ; an offering which age can- 
 not make 1 Let us count the different items 
 in the riches which belong to youth, and ask 
 if it is not a holy and a glorious privilege to 
 
 dedicate them to the service of the Most 
 High? 
 
 First, then, there is the freshness of un- 
 wearied nature, for which so many millions 
 pine in vain ; the glow of health, that life- 
 spring of all the energies of thought and ac- 
 tion ; the confidence of unbroken trust the 
 power to believe, as well as hope a power 
 which the might of human intellect could 
 never yet restore ; the purity of undivided 
 affection ; the earnestness of zeal unchilled 
 by disappointment ; the first awakening of 
 joy, that has never been depressed ; high 
 aspirations that have never stooped to earth ; 
 the clear perception of a mind unbiassed in 
 its search of truth ; with the fervor of an un- 
 troubled soul. 
 
 All these, and more than pen could write 
 or tongue could utter, has youth the pow- 
 er to dedicate to the noblest cause which 
 ever yet engaged the attention of an intel- 
 lectual and immortal being. What, then, I 
 would ask again, is that which hinders the 
 surrender of your heart to God, your con- 
 duct to the requirements of the religion of 
 Christ 7 
 
 With this solemn inquiry, I would leave 
 the young reader to pursue the train of her 
 own reflections. All that I have proposed to 
 her consideration as desirable in character 
 and habit in heart and conduct will be 
 without consistency, and without foundation, 
 unless based upon Christian principle, and 
 supported by Christian faith. All that I have 
 proposed to her as most lovely, and most ad- 
 mirable, may be rendered more, infinitely 
 more so, by the refinement of feeling, the 
 elevation of sentiment, and the purity of 
 purpose, which those principles and that 
 faith are calculated to impart
 
 DEDICATED BY ESPECIAL PERMISSION TO 
 
 THE 
 
 WIVES OF ENGLAND 
 
 THEIR 
 
 RELATIVE DUTIES, 
 DOMESTIC INFLUENCE, AND SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS, 
 
 BY MRS. ELLIS, 
 
 AUTHOR OF "THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND," "THE DAUGHTERS OF ENGLAND," 
 "THE POETRY OF LIFE," ETC. 
 
 " The greatest difficulty of my task has been the laying bare, as it were, before the public eye. the privacy of married life 
 of that life whose sorrows the heart alone can know, and with whose joys it is the universal privilege of all who share them, 
 that no stranger shall intermeddle. 
 
 " But if the principles it has been my simple aim to advocate, should meet the approbation of my countrywomen, I would 
 fondly hope to be associated with their fireside enjoyments, as one whose highest ambition would have been to render their 
 pleasures more enduring, their hopes more elevated, and their happiness more secure." From the Author's Preface. 
 
 AUTHOR'S EDITION, 
 
 COMPLETE IN ONE VOLUME, 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 
 HENRY G. LANGLEY, 8 ASTOR-HOUSE, BROADWAY. 
 1844.
 
 TO HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN, 
 
 IN WHOSE EXALTED STATION 
 THE SOCIAL VIRTUES OF DOMESTIC LIFE PRESENT THE BRIGHTEST EXAMPLE 
 
 TO HER COUNTRYWOMEN, 
 AND THE SUREST PRESAGE OF HER EMPIRE'S GLORT J 
 
 2TJ)fs Volume Is jjratefullg Knscrfbrt, 
 
 BT HER MAJESTY'S 
 MOST OBEDIENT AND MOST DEVOTED SERVANT, 
 
 THE AUTHOR.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 IN writing on any subject, and particu- 
 larly for the purpose of doing good, there 
 are always two extremes to be avoided 
 that of being too general, and that of be- 
 ing too minute. 
 
 By generalizing too much, the writer 
 incurs the risk of being considered by the 
 reader as having little actual knowledge 
 of the state of human affairs, and conse- 
 quently little sympathy either with those 
 who enjoy, or with those who suffer. 
 Without saying any thing to disparage in 
 other respects the value of those excellent 
 books on female duty, in many of which 
 are included the duties of married women, 
 I confess they have all appeared to me 
 too general too much as if the writer 
 had not been personally identified with 
 the subject, had never entered into the 
 minutiae of private and domestic life, or 
 did not feel, what the heart of woman 
 must feel, under its peculiar trials. 
 
 But, while endeavoring to avoid this 
 extreme, I am quite alive to the suspicion 
 that I may have fallen into the other ; 
 and if the mere ambition of writing a book 
 had been my object, I should have felt 
 painfully that those who read only for 
 amusement might lay aside the volume 
 altogether, as trifling, common-place, and 
 tame. Yet such is my confidence in the 
 power of human sympathy, that I fear- 
 lessly trust the practical hints which 
 occupy these pages to the kindness of my 
 countrywomen, assuring them that I ask 
 for no higher reward, than, that while 
 some of them are reading my homely 
 
 details of familiar things, they should feel 
 that in the writer they have found a sister 
 and a friend, one who is bound to the 
 same heritage with themselves, sharing 
 the same lot, and while struggling under 
 much weakness of resolution, and many 
 disadvantages of heart and character, is 
 subject to the same hopes, and the same 
 fears, both as regards this life and the 
 next. 
 
 yThe greatest difficulty of my task, how- 
 ever, has been to me the laying bare, as it 
 were, before the public eye, the privacy of 
 married life of that life whose sorrows the 
 heart alone can know, and with whose joys 
 it is the universal privilege of all who share 
 them, that no stranger shall intermeddle. 
 This difficulty, of the extent .of which I 
 was not fully aware before commencing the 
 work, has sometimes thrown a hesitancy 
 I had almost said a delicacy in the 
 way of writing with the strength which 
 the occasion demanded ; and I could not 
 but feel that the subject itself was one 
 better calculated for confidential fireside 
 intercourse, than for a printed volume. 
 
 But if then the principles it has been 
 my simple aim to advocate, should meet 
 the approbation of my countrywomen, I 
 would fondly hope to be associated with 
 their fireside enjoyments as one whose 
 highjsjj3aj[thly_juTibition would have been 
 to render their pleasures more enduring, 
 thoir hopes more elc-vatrd. and their liap- 
 pinegsjmore secure^ 
 
 Rosr HILL, February 16th, 1&13.
 
 THE 
 
 WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 THOUGHTS BEFORE MARRIAGE. 
 
 Is commencing a work addressed particu- 
 larly to married women, it might appear a 
 little out of place to devote a whole chapter 
 to the subject of " thoughts before marriage," 
 did not the writer suppose it probable, that if 
 married women should deem the following 
 pages worthy of their notice, those who are 
 about to assume the responsibility of wives, 
 might feel equally curious to ascertain the 
 nature of their contents. In this chapter, 
 then, I would venture to recommend a few 
 inquiries to those who have not yet passed 
 the Rubicon, and with whom, therefore, it 
 may not be too late to retract, if they should 
 find they have not correctly calculated the 
 consequences of the step they are about to 
 take ; or, what is still more probable, if they 
 have not coolly and impartially estimated 
 their own capability for rendering it one of 
 prudence and safety both to themselves and 
 others. On the other hand, the inquiries I 
 would propose, are such as, where the mind 
 [ and character are fitly prepared for this im- 
 portant change, will tend to confirm the best 
 resolutions ; while they will assist in detect- 
 ing every latent evil which might otherwise 
 lie in wait, to rise up after the season of de- 
 liberation is past, like clouds in the horizon, 
 which gradually spread their gloom across 
 the sky, and finally obscure the sunshine of 
 every future day. 
 
 The great object to be aimed at by all wo- 
 men about to enter upon the married state, 
 is to examine calmly and dispassionately the 
 requirements of this state ; to put away all 
 
 personal feeling ; and to be not only willing, 
 but determined, to look the subject fairly in 
 the face, and to see its practical bearing upon 
 the interest and the happiness of those with 
 whom they may be associated. 
 
 Perhaps there never yet was a woman of 
 warm feelings, or man either, who had not, 
 in early life, some vision of conjugal felicity, 
 which after experience and knowledge of the 
 world have failed to stamp with the impress 
 of reality. Some, believing themselves capa- 
 ble of contributing their share" to this measure 
 of earthly happiness, and disappointed in not 
 finding an equal companion, hav& wisely 
 declined entering upon the married state 
 altogether; while others, more confident of 
 success, have made the experiment for them- 
 selves, believing, that though all the world 
 may have failed in realizing their dreams of 
 bliss, they and theirs will be fortunate enough 
 to exhibit to the wonder of mankind, an in- 
 stance of perfect connubial happiness. 
 
 It is needless to decide which of these two 
 parties deserve the highest meed of commen- 
 dation for their prudence and common s^nse. 
 But it is equally needless to belong to either 
 class of individuals. " What !" exclaims the 
 young enthusiast, "shall we not even hope to 
 be happy 7" Yes. Let us hope as long as 
 we can ; but- let it be in subservience to rea- 
 son and to truth. Let us hope only to be 
 happy ourselves, so long as we make others 
 happy too ; and let us expect no measure of 
 felicity beyond what this world has afforded 
 to those who were wiser and better than we 
 are. 
 
 " But why then," exclaims the same en- 
 thusiast, "all the fine talk we hear about
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 marriage 7 and why, in all the stories we 
 read, is marriage made the end of woman's 
 existence?" Ah! there lies the evil. Mar- 
 riage, like death, is too often looked upon as 
 the end; whereas both are but the beginning 
 of states of existence infinitely more import- 
 ant than that by which they were preceded ; 
 yet each taking from that their tone and 
 character, and each proportioned in their en- 
 joyment to the previous preparation which 
 has been made for their happiness or misery. 
 The education of young ladies is too fre- 
 quently such as to lead them naturally to 
 suppose, that all the training, and all the dis- 
 cipline they undergo, has reference only to 
 this end. The first evidence that marriage is 
 thus regarded by many young women, is 
 seen in a petulant rebellion against the re- 
 straints of home, and the requirements of 
 parental authority, accompanied by a threat, 
 not always distinctly uttered, that the first 
 opportunity of escaping from domestic thral- 
 dom shall not be neglected. This species of 
 rebellion against rightful authority, is much 
 cherished by school-companions and sisters ; 
 while the gossip of servants, to whom the 
 indignant sufferers sometimes appeal, and 
 the general tenor of what is called light read- 
 ing, tend to keep up the same kind of spir- 
 ited determination to rush upon the uncer- 
 tainties of marriage, in the hope of escaping 
 from the certainties of home. A polite and 
 flattering lover next presents himself. The 
 persecuted or neglected damsel finds at last 
 that her merits are appreciated, and while 
 the gates of an imaginary Eden are still 
 open, she enters eagerly among its fruits and 
 flowers, never stopping to inquire if 
 
 " The trail of the serpent is over them still." 
 
 Such is the natural history of one half at 
 least of those early marriages, which fix the 
 doom of women forhhis world, and some- 
 times for the next What wonder, then, 
 that a sincere and earliest friend, and an af- 
 fectionate well-wisher of her sex, should 
 deem it necessary, even on the near approach 
 of that day which is generally spoken of as 
 making two human beings happy, to request 
 
 the weaker, and consequently the more easily 
 deluded party, to pause and think again. 
 
 Although I am one of the last persons who 
 could wish to introduce in any plausible form, 
 to an upright and honorable mind, the bare 
 idea of the possibility of breaking an engage- 
 ment ; yet as there are cases in which an en- 
 gagement of marriage, if literally kept, must 
 necessarily be violated in spirit, I cannot help 
 thinking, that of two evils, it is, in this case, 
 especially desirable to choose the least ; and 
 to prefer inflicting a temporary pain, and en- 
 during an inevitable disgrace, to being the 
 means of destroying the happiness of a life- 
 time, with the self-imposed accompaniment 
 of endless remorse. 
 
 In the first place, then, I would ask, are 
 you about to bring to the altar, and to offer, 
 in thu sight of God, a faithful and devoted 
 heart 1 To answer with a mere expression 
 of belief,- is not sufficient here. There must 
 be certainty on this point, if not on any 
 other. There are many tests by which 
 this important fact may be ascertained, and 
 of these I shall particularize a few. The 
 first is, whom are you loving ? the man who 
 stands before you with all his " imperfections 
 on his head" his faults of temper, follies, in- 
 consistencies, and past misdeeds? Is this 
 the man you love ? or is it some ideal and 
 perfect being whom you will fail to recognise 
 in the husband of your after life ? If the lat- 
 ter case be yours, go back, and wait, for your 
 acquaintance has yet to be formed on the 
 only sure basis that of honesty and truth ; 
 and you might as safely unite yourself with 
 a being you had never seen before, as with 
 one whom you had seen without having 
 known or understood.^ $-<uxi fa 
 
 The discovery that you have mistaken the 
 real character of your lover, need not, how- 
 ever, be any barrier to the ultimate fulfilment 
 of your engagement with him. All that you 
 have to do, is to wait until you have studied 
 his real character, and ascertained that you 
 can still love him, though you no longer be- 
 lieve him to be without a fault 
 
 During the progress of this study, the de- 
 lay it will necessarily occasion, may be made
 
 THOUGHTS BEFORE MARRIAGE. 
 
 o answer two valuable ends ; for at the same 
 ime that you have been deceived, it is more 
 han probable that you have been deceiving. 
 Sot intentionally, perhaps, yet the effect may 
 >e as calamitous as if you had designedly 
 practised upon the partial credulity of your 
 over. It is of the utmost importance, then, 
 that you inquire into the nature of your own 
 conduct, not only towards him, but towards 
 others in his presence. Have you, during 
 he season of courtship, been acting a part 
 
 wjiich you never before sustained, or which 
 you do not intend to sustain as a wife? 
 
 Haye_you been more amiable to ym r 
 
 tn ymir hus- 
 
 band_t If you have, there are two ways of 
 remedying this evil, for an evil it certainly is ; 
 and one of these you are bound in common 
 honesty to adopt: you must either defer 
 your marriage until your real character has 
 been brought to light, and clearly understood ; 
 or, you must determine, from this time for- 
 ward, by the Divine blessing on your endeav- 
 ors, that you will be in reality the amiable 
 being you have appeared. 
 
 And now, having learned to see your lover 
 as he is, I would ask again, whether you are 
 quite sure that your affections are entirely 
 and irrevocably his. Jf on this point there is 
 doubt, there must be danger ; but still there 
 are tests to be applied, which may in some 
 measure reduce those doubts to certainty 
 The most important question, in a case of 
 doubt, is, whether your heart lingers after 
 any other object ; and this may be best as- 
 certained by asking yourself still further 
 whether there is any other man in the world 
 of whom it would giv r e you pain to hear that 
 he was likely to be married. If there is not 
 you are in all probability safe in this respect, 
 and yet you may not love the man you are 
 about to marry, as he hopes, deserves, and 
 believes himself to be loved. I would ask 
 then, are you weary of his presence, and re 
 lieved when he goes away 1 or are you dis 
 posed to exercise less charity and forbear 
 ance towards his faults, than towards tto 
 faults of others 1 for if his failings annoy and 
 irritate you more than those of men in gen 
 
 eral, depend upon it, you do not love him as 
 
 you ought If, too, you feel ashamed of him 
 
 efore marriage, there is little probability that 
 
 ou will afterwards evince towards him that 
 
 respect and reverence which is right and 
 
 seemly in a wife. 
 
 In order to ascertain these points clearly, it 
 s good for every woman before she marries, 
 o see the man of her choice in the company 
 of her friends, and especially to see him as- 
 sociated and compared with those whose 
 opinion she esteems most highly. We are 
 all more or less influenced by the secret sym- 
 pathies of our common nature. In nothing 
 can we think or feel alone ; and few cases 
 show more plainly the weakness and liability 
 to delusion under which we labor, than the 
 strong confidence we sometimes entertain in 
 the correctness of our own judgment, until 
 some new trial is made ; and then immedi- 
 ately, as if by a kind of instinct, placing our- 
 selves in the situation of others, we see as 
 it were with their eyes, think with their 
 thoughts, and arrive at their conclusions. 
 This tendency of our nature is often discover- 
 ed in the reading of books, which we have both 
 enjoyed and admired alone ; but no sooner 
 do we read them in company with a critica 
 friend, than we see at once their defects, and 
 can even use against them the same powers 
 of criticism ourselves. Happy is it for those 
 whose judgment, thus influenced, is confined 
 in its exercise to books ! happy for them if 
 they never know what it is to find the talents 
 and the recommendations of a lover disap- 
 pear in a moment, on the approach of an in- 
 teresting and influential friend, and disappear 
 in such a way as never to be recalled again ! 
 Yet, having stood this test, it is still possi- 
 ble to doubt, and, without sufficient love 
 your engagement may still be only iust drag- 
 ged on, because you have no sufficient plea 
 for breaking it off. You may perhaps esteem 
 your lover highly ; you may feel grateful for 
 his kindness, and flattered by his admiration 
 you may also feel a strong desire to make 
 him the happy man he believes he can be 
 with you, and you alone you may feel all 
 this, and yet, I repeat, you may not love him
 
 3 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 as a woman ought to love her husband. 
 This will be more clearly proved by an in- 
 crease of sadness on your part, as the time 
 of your marriage draws near, an indefinite 
 apprehension that with you the pleasures of 
 life are at an end, and a determination, re- 
 quiring often to be renewed, that at least you 
 will do your duty to one who deserves every 
 thing from you. 
 
 f Let me, however, ask what this duty is ! 
 It is not merely to serve him ; a hired menial 
 could do that The duty of a wife is what 
 no woman ever yet was able to render with- 
 out affection ; and it is therefore the height 
 of presumption to think that you can coldly 
 fulfil a duty, the very spirit of which is that 
 of love itself. 
 
 It is possible, however, that you may still 
 be mistaken. It is possible that the gradual 
 opening of your eyes from the visions of girl- 
 ish romance, which are apt to flit before the 
 imaginative and inexperienced, may have 
 given you a distaste both for your compan- 
 ion, and your future lot If this be the case, 
 the difficulty will be easily overcome by the 
 exercise of a little good feeling and common 
 sense. But in order to prove that this is real- 
 ly all, put this question to yourself if you 
 were quite sure there was some other woman 
 as amiable, or more so, than you, with whom 
 your friend could be equally happy, would 
 you feel pleasure in his cultivating her ac- 
 quaintance instead of yours? 
 
 If you can answer this question in the 
 negative, you may yet be safe ; if not, the 
 case is too decided to admit of a moment's 
 hesitation. Your own integrity, and a sense 
 of justice towards your friend, equally dictate 
 the propriety of making him acquainted with 
 the painful, the humiliating fact, that you do 
 not love him ; and no man, after being con- 
 vinced of this, could desire the fulfilment of 
 a mere nominal engagement 
 
 I am aware that the opinion of the world 
 and the general voice of society are against 
 such conduct, even where love is wanting ; 
 and I am equally aware, that no woman 
 ought to venture upon breaking an engage- 
 raent on such grounds, without feeling her- 
 
 self humbled to the very dust ; but I am not 
 the less convinced, that it is the only safe, 
 the only just line of conduct which remains 
 to her who finds herself thus circumstanced, 
 and that it is in reality more generous to her 
 lover, than if she kept u the word of promise 
 to his ear, and broke it to his lope." 
 
 But there may be other causes besides this, 
 why an engagement should not be fulfilled. 
 There may be a want of love on the part of 
 your friend, or there may be instances of 
 unfaithfulness too glaring to be overlooked ; 
 and here let it be observed, that woman's 
 lovejnay grow after marriage man's, never. 
 
 If|therefore, he is indifferent or unfaithful as 
 a lover, what must be expected of him as a 
 husbandj_ 
 
 It is one of the greatest misfortunes to 
 which women are liable, that they cannot, 
 consistently with female delicacy, cultivate, 
 before an engagement is made, an acquaint- 
 ance sufficiently intimate to lead to the dis- 
 covery of certain facts which would at once 
 decide the point, whether it was prudent to 
 proceed further towards taking that step, 
 which is universally acknowledged to be the 
 most important in a woman's life. 
 
 One of these facts, which can only be as- 
 certained on a close acquaintance, is the 
 tendency there is in some individuals to 
 overawe, and keep others at a distance. 
 Now, if on the near approach of marriage, 
 a woman finds this tendency in the compan- 
 ion she has chosen, if she cannot open to 
 him her whole heart, or if he does not open 
 his heart tojierjimt maintains a distant kind 
 of authoritative manner, which shuts her out 
 from sympathy and equality with himself t it 
 is time for herjp pfl'np, and think seriously 
 before she binds herself for life to that worst 
 f_a husband. I have 
 
 no sc r uple musing this expression, because 
 where the connection is so intimate, and the 
 sphere of action necessarily so confined, if 
 fear usurps the place of confidence and love, 
 it must naturally engender a servile disposi- 
 tion to deceive, either by falsehood or eva- 
 sion, wherever blame would attach to a full 
 disclosure of the truth.
 
 THOUGHTS BEFORE MARRIAGE. 
 
 I have already said that it is a prudent plan 
 for the woman who intends to marry, to try 
 the merits of her lover, or rather her own es- 
 timate of them, by allowing him an opportu- 
 nity of associating with her friends. Such 
 precautionary measures, however, are not 
 easily carried out, except at some sacrifice of 
 delicate and generous feeling ; and, generally 
 speaking, the less a woman allows her name 
 to be associated with that of her husband be- 
 fore marriage, the better. It is sometimes 
 argued that an engagement entered into with 
 right feelings, is of so binding and sacred a 
 nature, that persons thus related to each 
 other, may be seen together, both in public 
 and private, almost as if they were really 
 married ; and to such it may appear a cold 
 kind of caution still to say "beware!" Yet 
 such is the uncertain nature of all human af- 
 fairs, that we need not look far for instances 
 of the most improbable changes taking place, 
 after all possibility of change had been ban- 
 ished from our thoughts. Within a month, 
 a week, nay, even a day, of marriage, there 
 have been discoveries made which have ful- 
 ly justified an entire disunion of the parties 
 thus associated ; and then how much better 
 has it been, where their names had not been 
 previously united, and where their appearance 
 together had not impressed the idea of indis- 
 soluble connection upon the minds of others ! 
 One of the most justifiable, and at the same 
 time one of the most melancholy causes for 
 such disunion, is the discovery of symptoms 
 of insanity. Even a highly excited and dis- 
 ordered state of the nervous system, will 
 operate with a prudent woman against an 
 alliance of this nature. Yet here again, it is 
 particularly unfortunate, that in cases of ner- 
 vous derangement, the discovery is seldom 
 fully made except in the progress of that 
 close intimacy which immediately precedes 
 marriage, and which consequently assumes 
 the character of an indissoluble engagement. 
 Symptoms of this nature, however, when ex- 
 hibited in the conduct of a man, are of the 
 most serious and alarming character. A wo- 
 man laboring under such maladies, in their 
 milder form, may be so influenced by authori- 
 
 ty as to be kept from doing any very exten- 
 sive harm ; but when a man, with the reins 
 of government in his hand, loses the power 
 to guide them, when his mind becomes the 
 victim of morbid feeling, and his energies 
 sink under imaginary burdens, there is no 
 calculating the extent of calamity which may 
 result to the woman who would be rash 
 enough to link her destiny with his. 
 
 Another justifiable reason for setting aside 
 an engagement of marriage, or protracting 
 the fulfilment of it, is a failure of health, es- 
 pecially when either this, or the kind of mala- 
 dy already noticed, induces an incapacity for 
 business, and for the duties which generally 
 devolve upon the master of a household. It 
 is true, that in cases w r here the individual 
 thus afflicted does not himself see the pro- 
 priety of withdrawing from the engagement, 
 the hard, and apparently selfish part a wo- 
 man has to act on these occasions is such as, 
 in addition to her own sufferings, will proba- 
 bly bring upon her the blame of many who 
 do not, and who cannot, understand the case ; 
 and the more delicate her feelings are towards 
 the friend she is thus compelled to treat with 
 apparent harshness, the less likely she will 
 be to exculpate herself by an exposure to the 
 world of his inconsistency, or his weakness. 
 Thus, as in many of the acts of woman's life, 
 she has to be the sufferer every way; but 
 still that suffering is less to every one con- 
 cerned, than if she plunged herself into all 
 the lamentable consequences of a union with 
 a man who wanted either the mental or the 
 physical capacity to keep her and hers from 
 poverty and distress. In the former case, 
 she will have the dictates of prudence and of 
 conscience in her favor. In both, the world 
 will be lavish of its blame ; but in the latter 
 only, could her portion be that of self-con- 
 demnation, added to irremediable misery. 
 
 After all these considerations have been 
 duly weighed, and every test of truth and 
 constancy applied to your affection for the 
 object of your choice, there may yet remain 
 considerations of infinite moment as they re- 
 late to your own fitness for entering upon the 
 married state.
 
 10 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 In the first place, what is it you are ex- 
 pecting? to be always flattered? Depend 
 upon it, if your faults were never brought to 
 light before, they will be so now. Are you 
 expecting to be always indulged? Depend 
 upon it, if your temper was never tried be- 
 fore, it will be so now. Are you expecting 
 to be always admired ? Depend upon it, if 
 you were never humble and insignificant be- 
 fore, you will have to be so now. Yes, you 
 had better make up your mind at once to be 
 uninteresting as long as you live, to all ex- 
 cept the companion of your home ; and well 
 will it be for you, if you can always be inter- 
 esting to him. You, had better settle it in 
 your calculations, that^you will have to be 
 crossed oftener than the day ; and the part 
 of wisdom will dictate, that if you persist in 
 your determination to be 
 
 not only be satisfied, But ,cheerful_tg_Jja.ve 
 these things so. 
 
 k One important truth sufficiently impressed 
 upon your mind will materially assist in this 
 desirable consummation it is the superiority 
 of your husband, simply .as a man. It is 
 quite possible you may have more talent, 
 with higher attainments, and you may also 
 have been generally more admired ; but this 
 has nothing whatever to do with your posi- 
 tion as a woman, which is, and must be, 
 inferior to his as a man. For want of a 
 satisfactory settlement of this point before 
 marriage, how many disputes and misunder- 
 standings have ensued, filling, as with the 
 elements of discord and strife, that world of 
 existence which ought to be a smiling Eden 
 of perpetual flowers not of flowers which 
 never fade ; but of flowers which, if they 
 must die, neither droop nor wither from the 
 canker in their own bosoms, or the worm 
 which lies at their own roots. 
 
 It is a favorite argument with untried 
 youth, that all things will come right in the 
 end, where there is a sufficiency of love ; but 
 is it enough for the subjection of a woman's 
 will, that she should love her husband ? 
 Alas ! observation and experience alike con- 
 vince us, that love has been well represented 
 as a wayward boy ; and the alternate ex- 
 
 hibitions of contradiction and fondness which 
 are dictated by affection alone, though inter- 
 esting enough before the nuptial knot is tied, 
 are certainly not those features in the aspect 
 of his domestic affairs, whose combination a 
 prudent man would most desire. 
 
 It is to sound judgment then, and right 
 principle, that we must look, with the bless- 
 ing of the Bestower of these good gifts, for 
 ability to make a husband happy sound 
 judgment to discern what is the place de- 
 signed for him and for us, in the arrange- 
 ments of an all- wise Providence and right 
 principle to bring down every selfish desire, 
 and every rebellious thought, to a due sub- 
 serviency in the general estimate we form 
 of individual duty. 
 
 But supposing this point satisfactorily set- 
 tled, and an earnest and prayerful determina- 
 tion entered into to be but a secondary being 
 in the great business of conducting the gen- 
 eral affairs of social life, there are a few 
 things yet to be thought of, a few duties yet 
 to be discharged, before the final step can 
 properly be taken. In the warmth and en- 
 thusiasm of youthful feeling, few women 
 look much beyond themselves in the calcu- 
 lations they make upon their married future. 
 To be loved, and cherished, is all they ap- 
 pear solicitous to stipulate for, forgetting the 
 many wants and wishes that will necessarily 
 arise out of the connection they are about to 
 form. It may not be out of place then to 
 remind them, how essential it is to comfort 
 in the married state, that there should have 
 been beforehand a clear understanding, and 
 a strict agreement, with regard bom to the 
 general style of living, and the friendships 
 and associations to be afterwards maintained. 
 All secret wishes and intentions on these 
 subjects, concealed by one party from the 
 fear of their being displeasing to the other, 
 are ominous of future disaster ; and, indeed, 
 I would almost venture so far as to advise, 
 that unless such preliminaries can be satis- 
 factorily adjusted, the parties had better make 
 up their minds to separate ; for these causes of 
 difference will be of such frequent occurrence, 
 as to leave little prospect of domestic peace.
 
 THOUGHTS BEFORE MARRIAGE. 
 
 11 
 
 If, however, the companion of your future 
 home should not be disposed to candor on 
 these points, you will probably have oppor- 
 tunities of judging for yourself; and such 
 means of forming your conclusions ought on 
 no account to be neglected. You will pro- 
 bably, for instance, have opportunies of as- 
 certaining whether he is one of those who 
 place their chief happiness in what is called 
 good living, or, in other words, in the pleas- 
 ures of the table ; and if in his estimation 
 wine forms a prominent part of these enjoy- 
 ments, let not the fear of the world's censure 
 operate for one moment against your sepa- 
 rating yourself from such a man. If this 
 should seem a harsh and hasty conclusion, 
 remember that the evils of a gross and self- 
 indulgent habit are such as generally increase 
 with the advance of years, and, as the natu- 
 ral spirits fail, and health becomes impaired, 
 are liable to give rise to the most fatal mala- 
 dies both of mind and body. If, then, there 
 is danger and disgust to apprehend on the 
 side of indulgence, it is on the other hand a 
 hard and unthankful duty for the wife to be 
 perpetually restraining the appetite of her 
 husband, and preaching up the advantages 
 of abstinence to the man she loves. Nor is 
 it improbable, or of rare occurrence, that un- 
 der such circumstances she should actually 
 lose his affection, for men like not the con- 
 stant imposition of restraint upon their wish- 
 es; and so much happier so much more 
 privileged is the situation of her who can 
 safely minister to the desires of her husband, 
 that I would recommend to every woman to 
 choose the man who can with propriety be in- 
 dulged, rather than him whose habits of self- 
 gratification already require restraint. 
 
 As the time of your marriage draws near, 
 you will naturally be led with ease and pleas- 
 ure into that kind of unlimited confidence 
 with the companion of your future lot, which 
 forms in reality the great charm of married 
 life. But even here a caution is required, 
 for though all the future, as connected with 
 your own experience, must belong to him, 
 all the past must belong to others. Never, 
 therefore, make it the subject of your confi- 
 
 dential intercourse to relate the history of 
 your former love affairs, if you have had 
 any. It is bad taste to allude to them at all, 
 but especially so under such circumstances ; 
 and although such details might serve to 
 amuse for the moment, they would in all 
 probability be remembered against you at 
 some future time, when each day will be 
 sufficiently darkened by its own passing 
 clouds. 
 
 With regard to all your other love affairs 
 then, let " by-gones be by-gones." It could 
 do no good whatever for you to remember 
 them ; and the more you are dissociated 
 from every other being of his own sex, the 
 more will the mind of your husband dwell 
 upon you with unalloyed satisfaction. On 
 the other hand, let no ill-advised curiosity 
 induce you to pry too narrowly into his past 
 life as regards affairs of this nature. How- 
 ever close your inquiries, they may still be 
 baffled by evasion ; and if it be an important 
 point with you, as many women profess to 
 make it, to occupy an unsullied page in the ^ 
 affections of your husband, it is wiser and 
 safer to take for granted this flattering fact, 
 than to ask whether any other name has 
 been written on that page before. In this 
 case, as well as your own, both honor and 
 delicacy would suggest the propriety of draw- 
 ing a veil over the past. It is sufficient for 
 the happiness of married life that you share 
 together the present and the future. 
 
 With such a field for the interchange of 
 mutual thought, there can surely be no want 
 of interest in your conversation, for the ar- 
 rangements to be made are so new to both, 
 and consequently so fraught with importance, 
 that parties thus circumstanced, are pro- 
 verbially good company only to each other. 
 Amongst these arrangements, if the choice 
 of a residence be permitted you, and espe- 
 cially if your own temper is not good, or your 
 manners not conciliating, avoid, as far as 
 you can do so with prudence, and without 
 thwarting your husband's wishes, any very 
 close contact with his nearest rclati-ves. 
 There are not wanting numerous instances 
 in which the greatest intimacy and most fa-
 
 12 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 miliar associations of this kind have been 
 kept up with mutual benefit and satisfaction ; 
 but generally speaking it is a risk, and you 
 may not yourself be sufficiently amiable to 
 bear, with a meek and quiet spirit, the general 
 oversight, and well-meant interference, which 
 mothers and sisters naturally expect to main- 
 tain in the household of a son and a brother. 
 These considerations, however, must of 
 course give way to the wishes of the hus- 
 band and his family, as it is of the utmost 
 importance not to offend his relatives in the 
 outset by any appearance of contradiction 
 self-will ; and besides which, he and hi 
 friends will be better judges than you can be 
 of the general reasons for fixing your future 
 residence. 
 
 And now, as the time draws near, are you 
 quite sure that your means are sufficient to 
 enable you to begin the world with indepen- 
 dence and respectability ? Perhaps you are 
 not a judge, and if not, you have no right to 
 think of becoming a wife ; fpr young men in 
 general have little opportunity of making 
 themselves acquainted with household econ- 
 omy ; and who then is to make those innu- 
 merable calculations upon which will depend, 
 not only the right government of your estab- 
 lishment, but also your peace of mind, your 
 integrity of character, and your influence for 
 time and for eternity 7 
 
 Oh ! what a happy day would that be for 
 Britain, whose morning should smile upon 
 the making of a law for allowing no woman 
 to marry until she had become an economist, 
 thoroughly acquainted with the necessary ex- 
 penses of a respectable mode of living, and 
 able to calculate the requirements of comfort, 
 in connection with all the probable contin- 
 gencies of actual life. If such a law should 
 be so cruel as to suspend for a year or more 
 every approach to the hymeneal altar, it 
 would, at least, be equally effectual in avert- 
 ing that bitter repentance with which so 
 many look back to the hurried and thought- 
 less manner in which they rushed blindfold 
 upon an untried fate, and only opened their 
 eyes to behold their madness and folly, when 
 it was too late to avert the fatal consequences. 
 
 As a proof how little young men in gene- 
 ral are acquainted with these matters, I have 
 heard many who fully calculated upon living 
 in a genteel and comfortable style, declare 
 that a hundred pounds was sufficient for the 
 furnishing of a house. Thus a hundred 
 pounds on one side, either saved, borrowed, 
 or begged, and fifty on the other, are not un- 
 frequently deemed an ample provision, with 
 a salary of two hundred, to begin the world 
 with. It is true the young man finds that 
 salary barely sufficient for himself; but then, 
 he hears and reads how much is saved un- 
 der good female management, and he doubts 
 not but his deficiencies will be more than 
 made up by his wife.' It is true the young 
 lady, with her ill health, and music lessons, 
 and change of air, costs her lather at least 
 fifty pounds per annum, but she does not 
 see how she shall cost her husband any thing 
 at all ! Sweet soul ! She needs so little, and 
 really would be content with any thing in the 
 world, so that she might but live with him. 
 Nay, she who has never learned to wait upon 
 herself, would almost do without a servant, 
 so self-denying, so devoted is her love. 
 
 Thus the two hopeful parties reason, and 
 should a parent or a friend advise delay, the 
 simple fact of their having been engaged, 
 having expected to be married, and having 
 made up their minds, appear to furnish suffi- 
 cient arguments why they should proceed in 
 their career of rashness and of folly. Parents 
 who are kindly disposed, will hardly see 
 their children rush upon absolute want at 
 the commencement of their married life. 
 The mother therefore pleads, the father cal- 
 culates, and by deferring some of his own 
 payments, or by borrowing from a friend, he 
 is enabled to spare a little more than was at 
 first promised, though only as a loan. 
 
 And how is this small additional sum too 
 frequently appropriated ? To the purchase 
 of luxuries which the parents of the newly 
 married pair waited ten or twenty years be- 
 fore they thought of indulging themselves 
 with ; and those who have tried every expe- 
 dient, and drained every creditable source, 
 to gratify the wishes of their imprudent chil-
 
 THOUGHTS BEFORE MARRIAGE. 
 
 dren, have to contemplate the heart-sicken- 
 
 j ing spectacle of beholding them begin the 
 
 1 world in a style superior to that which their 
 
 own industry and exertion, persevered in 
 
 through half a lifetime, has alone enabled 
 
 them to attain. 
 
 Now, though the delicate young lady may 
 think she has little to do with these things, 
 the honest-hearted Englishwoman, especially 
 the practical Christian, will find that it be- 
 longs peculiarly to her province to see that 
 just and right principles are made the foun- 
 dation of, her character as the mistress of a 
 hoase ; and in order to carry out these prin- 
 ciples so as to make them effectual in their 
 operation upon her fellow-beings, and accept- 
 able in the sight of God, she must begin in 
 time, and while the choice remains to her, to 
 practise self-denial, even in that act which is 
 most intimately connected with her present 
 and future happiness. 
 
 If the attention to economy, and the right 
 feeling with regard to integrity, which I have 
 so earnestly recommended in the " Women," 
 and the " Daughters of England," have been 
 studied in early youth, she will need no cau- 
 tion on the subject of delaying her marriage 
 until prudence shall point out the proper time 
 for her settlement in life. She will know a 
 holier, deeper kind of love than that which 
 would plunge the object of it in irremediable 
 difficulties for her sake ; and though he may 
 be inexperienced and imprudent, she will feel 
 it a sacred trust, to have committed to her 
 the care of his character and circumstances 
 in these important and momentous concerns. 
 
 Serious and right views on subjects of 
 this nature, are so intimately connected with 
 the reality of the Christian character, that it 
 is difficult to imagine how a high profession 
 of religion can exist in connection with the 
 kind of wilful and selfish imprudence above 
 described. One thing, however, is certain, 
 that let a woman's religious profession be 
 what it may, if she be rash and inconsiderate 
 on the subject of marriage, consulting only 
 her own gratification, and mistaking mere 
 fondness for deep and enduring affection, she 
 has need to go back to the school of mental 
 
 discipline, in which she is yet but a novice ; 
 and instead of taking upon herself the honor- 
 able title of wife, to set in humility and self- 
 abasement in the lowest seat, seeking those 
 essential endowments of mind and <jf heart, 
 without which, the blessing of her heavenly 
 Father must be expected in vain. 
 
 Above all other considerations then, as the 
 bridal day draws near, this thought will sug- 
 gest itself to the serious and enlightened 
 mind What am I seeking in the great 
 change lam about to make? Am I seek- 
 ing an escape from duty to enjoyment, from 
 restraint to indulgence, from wholesome dis- 
 cipline to perfect ease ? 
 
 Let us hope that these questions may be 
 answered satisfactorily, and that the young 
 woman now about to take upon herself the 
 charge of new duties, has thoroughly weigh- 
 ed the responsibility these duties will bring 
 along with them ; and that in an humble 
 and prayerful spirit she is inquiring, in what 
 way she may conduct herself, so that all the 
 members of her household shall be united 
 as a Christian family, strengthening and en- 
 couraging each other in the service of the 
 Lord. 
 
 In so important an undertaking, it cannot 
 be deemed presumptuous to determine, with 
 the Divine blessing, to begin with a high 
 standard of moral excellence. Whatever 
 our standard is, we never rise above it ; 
 and so great are the miscalculations usually 
 made in a prospective view of married life, 
 that one half at least of its trials, tempta- 
 tions, and hindrances to spiritual advance- 
 ment are entirely overlooked. Besides which, 
 so much of the moral and religious charac- 
 ter of a household depends upon the female 
 who controls its domestic regulations, that 
 the woman who should rush heedlessly into 
 this situation, expecting to find it easier to 
 act conscientiously than she had ever done 
 before, would most likely jpe punished for 
 iier presumption by discovering, when it was 
 too late, that instead of religious helps on 
 every hand, she was in reality plunged into 
 new difficulties, and placed in the midst of 
 lindrances to her spiritual improvement,
 
 11 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 greater and more appalling than it had ever 
 entered into her imagination to conceive. 
 
 But still there is no need to be cast down 
 even while suffering under the natural con- 
 sequences of this fearful mistake, for He who 
 has said commit thy way unto the Lord, will 
 assuredly be near in the time of trouble, when 
 the child of sorrow, sincerely repenting of 
 her blindness and her folly, shall meekly 
 and fervently implore his promised aid. She 
 will then have learned to feel, that let her 
 confidence in the companion of her choice 
 be what it may ; let him be to her as the fa- 
 ther she has forsaken, the brothers she has 
 left, and the friends whose sweet fellowship 
 she will never more enjoy ; there will still be 
 trials in her lot, in which he cannot partici- 
 pate, and depths in her soul which he can- 
 not fathom. He may take her to his bosom 
 as the shepherd takes the lamb ; but the 
 green pastures and the refreshing dew will 
 not be hj| t^give. He may guard her safe- 
 ty as the soroier guards the camp ; but her 
 enemies may be too subtle for his eye, and 
 too powerful for his arm. He may be to her 
 as the morning to the opening flower ; but 
 the sun which gives that morning all its light, 
 will be high in the heavens, and if he shines 
 not, there will be no real brightness in her 
 day. And all this insufficiency may still be 
 felt without a shadow being cast upon her 
 earthly love. Indeed, we never err more 
 fatally, or do greater injustice to the nature 
 and attributes both of religion and of love, 
 than when we blend them together, and ex- 
 pect from one what the other only can be- 
 stow. If love sometimes assists us by ren- 
 dering certain portions of the path of duty 
 more alluring, in how many instances does 
 it throw all its allurements on the opposite 
 side ; and in such cases, how hard it is that 
 religion should be charged with the sad con- 
 sequences which are liable to follow ! 
 
 I speak not here of love as what it might 
 be, but as what it is. I speak not of that holy 
 and seraphic ardor, which a guardian angel 
 might be supposed to feel for the welfare of 
 the being whose earthly course it watched 
 with unceasing care ; nor yet of that pure 
 
 sentiment, scarcely less earthly in its ten- 
 dency, the chastened and subordinate attach- 
 ment of a redeemed and regenerated soul ; 
 I speak of love as a fitful and capricious 
 passion, asserting unreasonable mastery over 
 the human mind, rejecting all control, mixing 
 itself with all motives, assuming all forms so 
 as to work out its own purposes, and never 
 failing to promise an earthly paradise to its 
 blind followers.. 
 
 It is of such love, I repeat, that it must be 
 kept apart from that great work which reK- 
 gion has to do alone, because the strivings 
 of the spirit in its religious exercises can only 
 be fully known and appreciated by Him who 
 was in all points tempted as we are ; and 
 because these groanings, which cannot be 
 uttered to any human ear, are mercifully 
 listened to by Him who is touched w r ith a 
 feeling of our infirmities. 
 
 It is highly important, therefore, that the 
 woman who ventures to become a wife, 
 should not be leaning upon the frail reed 
 of human love for her support Indeed, it 
 is more than probable that her husband will 
 himself require assistance ; and, excellent M 
 he may have hitherto appeared to herself 
 and others, it is equally probable that on a 
 nearer inspection there will be found in his 
 religious character defects and inconsisten- 
 cies, which will present insuperable obstacles 
 in the way of her whose dependence has been 
 solely upon him. If, however, her depend- 
 ence has been rightly placed upon a higher 
 foundation than that of human excellence 
 or human love, these defects of character 
 will neither hinder nor discourage her. To 
 work out her own salvation with fear and 
 trembling, will be the great object of her life ; 
 and while engaged with all her energies in 
 this first duty, she will be more occupied with 
 anxiety to draw others along with her, than 
 with disappointment at their being less per- 
 fect than she had imagined them. 
 
 As we must all die alone, so must we live 
 in our spiritual experience. 
 
 " Not even the tenderest heart, nnd next onr own, 
 Knows half the reasons why we smile or sigh.
 
 THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 Each in his hidden sphere of joy or wo 
 Our hermit spirits dwell, and range apart ; 
 Our eyes see all around in gloom or glow, 
 Hues of their own, fresh borrowed from the heart." 
 
 Human sympathy may do much to com- 
 fort, human advice to guide, and human ex- 
 ample to encourage ; but whether married or 
 single, whether associated with others, or 
 separate and alone; we must all bear our 
 own burdens, perform our own duties, an- 
 swer to our own consciences, reap our own 
 rewards, and receive our own sentence at the 
 bar of eternal judgment 
 
 If this be an awful, and in some respects 
 a gloomy thought, in others it is most con- 
 soling ; for we need in reality but one Friend 
 in our religious experience. All others are 
 liable to fail us in the hour of need, and at 
 best they can do little for us. But with this 
 Friend on our side, no one can hurt or hinder 
 us. Under his protection, whatever wounds 
 we receive from any mortal foe, our immor- 
 tal nature will remain uninjured. This 
 Friend then is all-sufficient, and, blessed be 
 his holy name, he ever lueth to make interces- 
 sion for us. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 ONE great fault which the writer of these 
 pages has already presumed to find with fe- 
 male education, as conducted in the present 
 day, is, that it fails to prepare the character, 
 and to form the habits, for those after duties, 
 which are as rigorously exacted, as if the 
 whole training of youth had been strictly in 
 accordance with the requirements of middle 
 life. The tone of common conversation, and 
 the moral atmosphere of general society, are 
 strongly tinctured with the same fault a 
 tendency to encourage thoughts and feelings, 
 wholly at variance with the line of conduct 
 pointed out by religion, and even by common 
 sense, as that which is most likely to be con- 
 ducive to ultimate happiness. 
 
 But in no other circumstance of life is this 
 
 want of prospective discipline at once so ob- 
 vious, and so lamentable, as i n the whole 
 progress of that system of self-recommenda- 
 tion which men call courtship, and which 
 unquestionably deserves that name, if to win 
 the partial favor of an inexperienced, and 
 perhaps a vain woman, be the only object 
 they have in view. It is true, that the man 
 who wishes to gain the affections of a woman, 
 must first endeavor to render himself agreea- 
 ble to her; but all I would ask is, that while 
 endeavoring to gain her love, he should at 
 the same time take some pains to make her 
 worthy of his own, by treating her at least 
 with the faithfulness and sincerity of a friend. 
 Nor need he fear that he shall be a loser in 
 the end by this mode of treatment, for how 
 much greater is the flattery of being loved in 
 spite of our faults, than of being supposed to 
 have none ! 
 
 If men would, then, in common honesty, 
 state what points they object to in4he woman 
 they admire, and what they really do require 
 in a wife, they would not only find their in- 
 fluence, during the season of courtship, pro- 
 ductive of the most beneficial consequences, 
 but they would themselves escape a world of 
 disappointment afterwards, while they would 
 save the object of their affections all that as- 
 tonishment, and wounded feeling, which nat- 
 urally arise out of finding herself convicted 
 of innumerable faults which were never so 
 much as hinted at before. 
 
 Instead of the candid and generous treat- 
 ment here recommended, how often is the 
 progress of courtship no better than a system 
 of fulsome adulation, and consequently of 
 falsehood, carried on exactly as if marriage 
 was 'indeed the end, instead of the beginning, 
 of their mutual existence. And thus the 
 affair goes on nay, it becomes even worse, 
 until the near approach of that day which is 
 to make them one ; for friends and relatives 
 now take the same tone, and the bride elect 
 is set apart from all domestic discipline, the 
 recipient of flattering attentions, the object of 
 universal interest, and the centre towards 
 which all calculations and all expressions of 
 kindness equally tend.
 
 16 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 Persons sometimes appear least selfish 
 when their self-love is fully and freely grati- 
 fied ; because they have then nothing left to 
 require or to complain of. Thus the bride 
 elect always appears amiable, because every- 
 body waits upon her, everybody flatters her, 
 and everybody promotes the gratification of 
 her wishes to the utmost of their power. 
 There is now no self-denial, no giving place 
 to others, no privation of the expected means 
 of enjoy ment or, to sum up all in one word, 
 there is no neglect to try her selfishness, or 
 put her meekness to the test How should 
 she be otherwise than amiable 1 
 
 In this manner time passes on, self being 
 made daily more and more the object of uni- 
 versal attention, until at last, the bride be- 
 comes personally almost an idol, so lavish is 
 the expenditure bestowed upon her now, 
 compared with what it has ever been before ; 
 so attractive, so becoming, is every ornament 
 she wears ; and so. lively is the interest, so 
 profound the respect, with which she is 
 treated on that eventful day, which dawns 
 upon her departure from her parents' home. 
 
 Far be it from me to attempt to divest that 
 day of its solemn and important character, 
 or to lower the tone of feeling with which it 
 ought to be regarded ; but as a lover of truth, 
 and a somewhat studious observer of the 
 days which follow, I own I should like to see 
 the preparation of a bride consist more of 
 mental discipline than of personal adorn- 
 ment more of the resources of a well-stored 
 understanding, already thoroughly informed 
 on the subjects of relative position and prac- 
 tical duty ; and with these, the still higher or- 
 nament of a chastened spirit, already imbued 
 with a lively consciousness of the deep re- 
 sponsibilities devolving upon a married wo- 
 man. After such a preparation, there would 
 be no unwelcome truth to reveal, no unex- 
 pected reproof to endure. To fall short of 
 the high standard of excellence in almost 
 every act, and not always to be graciously 
 forgiven, would be a matter of calculation, 
 which, with true Christian meekness, she 
 would be prepared to meet; while to set 
 aside all selfish considerations, and to look 
 
 almost exclusively to the happiness of others 
 for her own, would already have become so 
 habitual as to require no new effort to carry 
 out through the intercourse of daily life. 
 
 Happy, and wise as well as happy, would 
 that man be, who should make himself con- 
 tent to wait for the dawning of his bridal day, 
 until the woman of his choice should have 
 been thus prepared. But instead of this, 
 man eagerly secures his prjze ; and, like the 
 training of a snared bird, that discipline must 
 all come afterwards, which is to end in do- 
 mestic harmony, or domestic strife. 
 
 But let us turn the page, and after wel- 
 coming home the happy couple from the 
 wedding tour, let us venture to whisper into 
 the ear of the bride a few sage words, from 
 which, whether properly prepared or not, she 
 may possibly, from the simple fact of her in- 
 experience, be able to gather something for 
 her future good. 
 
 If ever, in the course of human life, inde- 
 cision may be accounted a merit rather than 
 a defect, it is so in the conduct of a young 
 and newly married woman. While every 
 circumstance around her is new and untried, 
 the voice of prudence dictates caution before 
 any important step is taken, either with re- 
 gard to the formation of intimacies, or the 
 general style and order of living. A warm- 
 hearted, dependent, and affectionate young 
 woman, ardently attached to her husband, 
 will be predisposed to lean upon the kindness 
 of his relatives, and even to enter rashly into 
 the most intimate and familiar intercourse 
 with them. But even this amiable impulse 
 should be checked by the remembrance, that 
 in all such intimacies, it is much more diffi- 
 cult to recede than to advance, and that when 
 familiar intimacy is once established, there is 
 no such thing as drawing back without per- 
 sonal affront It will happen, too, unless the 
 husband's relatives are something more than 
 human, that among themselves there will not 
 be perfect unanimity of feeling. They will 
 probably be divided into little parties, in which 
 individuals on one side will look with partial 
 or censorious eyes upon the sayings and do- 
 ings of those on the other. Such partial
 
 THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 17 
 
 views, when they give a tone to general con- 
 versation, are very infectious, and a sensitive 
 mind niuch interested, and keenly alive to 
 mpressions from such a quarter, will be but 
 too likely to become suddenly and powerfully 
 biased by the same prejudices which pervade 
 the circle into which the youthful bride is 
 introduced. 
 
 Nothing, however, can be more injudicious 
 than for her to take part in these family 
 matters. If possible, she ought to wait and 
 see for herself, before her opinion is formed 
 upon any of the subjects in question. And 
 this, by great care, may be done without any 
 violation of that respectful behavior which 
 she ought to lay down for herself as a rule, 
 in associating with her husband's relatives, 
 and from which she ought never to deviate, 
 let her opinion of their merits and attractions 
 be what it may. 
 
 It is sometimes supposed that the main- 
 tenance of personal dignity is incompatible 
 with this exercise of respect towards others. 
 But on no subject do young people make 
 greater mistakes, than on that of dignity. 
 True dignity must always be founded upon 
 a right understanding of our own position in 
 society; for the presumption which would 
 assume what properly belongs to another, 
 and what in no way appertains to the indi- 
 vidual who makes this lamentable mistake, 
 is as far removed from dignity, as from right 
 feeling and common sense. As a wife, then, 
 a woman may be always dignified, though, 
 simply as a woman, she may at the same 
 time be humble, and as a Christian self- 
 abased. As a wife as the chosen companion 
 of an honorable and upright man, it is her 
 duty so to regulate her whole conduct, that 
 she shall neither offend others, nor bring of- 
 fence upon herself; and this is never more 
 effectually done, than by standing aloof from 
 family disputes, and taking no part either in 
 the partialities or the prejudices of those 
 with whom she is associated. 
 i It is perfectly consistent with personal dig- 
 nity, that a wife should in all respects be the 
 mistress of her own house. If, therefore, the 
 husband's relations have been accustomed t 
 
 ake part in his domestic concern*, it irf high- 
 y important that they should do so no long- 
 er. Correct-minded persons will need no 
 hint of this kind from the wife herself- Such 
 persons will be sufficiently aware, that the 
 nterior of her establishment must bo kept 
 sacred to her alone ; and that, while the 
 reatest freedom is maintained both in ask- 
 ng and in granting favors, there must be no 
 ntrusion on their part into the mysteries of 
 the kitchen, the store-room, or the pantry, 
 without an invitation from the mistress, ei- 
 her expressed or implied. 
 
 Should there be wanting in the husband's 
 relatives this peculiar kind of delicacy of feei- 
 ng, it will be necessary to devise some plan 
 calculated not to offend, by which they may 
 be made to understand that you do not wish 
 thetn, in your own house, entirely to share all 
 things in common ; for let the degree of kind- 
 ness on both sides be what it may, your edu- 
 cation and theirs will in all probability have 
 been so different, that circumstances must 
 necessarily arise, calculated to draw forth re- 
 marks which cannot always be acceptable, 
 and it is therefore your wisest plan, to draw 
 the line of demarcation on the side of safety 
 Nor is it necessary that in thus asserting 
 your rights, suspicion should be a\vakene< 
 of any want of kindly feeling. To obviate al 
 chance of this, it would be wise to take ad- 
 vantage of the advice of your husband's rela 
 tives in all cases where they are willing to 
 give, and where you are prepared to adop 
 it ; and, at the same time, to be careful tha 
 an excess of kindness should accompany 
 that uncompromising defence of your own 
 dignity, which every woman has a right to 
 make. No room will then be left for com 
 plajnt, and you will enjoy the satisfaction of 
 showing your husband how highly you es 
 teem his relatives, and how much you ar 
 prepared to serve and to oblige them for hi 
 sake. 
 
 It is a painful fact, and one of vulgar noto 
 riety, that all eyes are fixed upon a bride 
 some to see how she is dressed, others to ob 
 serve how she behaves, and not a few to as 
 certain, as far as they are able, whether sh
 
 18 
 
 THE WIVES OF EMil.ANP. 
 
 has come from a respectable home, or, in 
 other words, whether she has raised herself 
 in worldly circumstances by the connection 
 she has made. This exercise of idle and 
 impertinent curiosity might appear a little too 
 contemptible to be met with any kind of con- 
 sideration, were it not the interest of a mar- 
 ried woman to impress her new relations 
 with an idea of her previous importance, and 
 her unquestionable claims to respect Even 
 servants are much influenced by this impres- 
 sion, and it was, therefore, a prudent plan 
 adopted by our grandmothers, and still kept 
 up in some parts of England, for the bride to 
 go well appointed to her husband's home, 
 well supplied with a store of good household 
 linen, and with abundance of such clothes as 
 are not likely to become useless by being un- 
 fashionable. These things are accustomed 
 to be discussed among servants and depend- 
 ants. From one little circle of kitchen or 
 laundry gossip, they extend to another ; and 
 well if they do not find their way through 
 the same channel to the parlor fireside ; well, 
 if the humiliating remark is never made 
 there, that the bride left every thing of im- 
 portance to be purchased with her husband's 
 money. 
 
 Although it may seem rather an ungra- 
 cious sort of warning, thus to prepare the 
 young bride for a kind of critical inspection 
 scarcely consistent with kind and generous 
 feeling, it is nevertheless necessary in such a 
 world as ours, to calculate upon much which 
 the external aspect of society would scarcely 
 lead us to expect Yet we must not for this 
 reason forget the many instances in which the 
 most sincere and cordial kindness is called 
 forth on the part of the husband's relatives, 
 when they welcome to her new home one 
 who is literally received into the bosom of 
 their family, and cherished as a lamb of their 
 own fold. 
 
 In the majority of cases, too, it happens 
 that the bride is no stranger, that her family 
 and her husband's have been in habits of in- 
 timacy, and that the admission of this new 
 link is but the strengthening of that intimacy 
 into more enduring and affectionate union on 
 
 both sides. In both these cases, the bride 
 has much to console and to support her in 
 the duties she has undertaken ; and a young 
 heart can scarcely fail to feel impressed with 
 gratitude for this voluntary offering of a new 
 and lasting home, with all its kindred as- 
 sociations of parents, brothers, sisters, and 
 friends. 
 
 If, on the one hand, it is not only lawful 
 but expedient to endeavor to maintain that 
 dignity which properly belongs to a married 
 woman ; on the other, it is necessary to act 
 with the most scrupulous regard to that mi- 
 nute and delicate line, beyond which dignity 
 degenerates into a mere assumption of im- 
 portance. It is unquestionably an honorable 
 distinction to be the chosen companion of an 
 enlightened and good man ; but we must not 
 forget, that nature never yet formed any wo- 
 man too destitute of attractions, or sent her 
 forth into the world too meanly endowed, for 
 her to be chosen as a wife. The dignity de- 
 rived from marriage can, therefore, only be 
 a reflected one ; and has nothing whatever 
 to do with the merits or the capabilities of 
 the married woman. 
 
 I once lieard a newly married lady com- 
 plaining in company with great vehemence 
 of something which had been said to her by 
 a single sister, and concluding many of her 
 sentences with this remark "All that Miss 
 B said was, I dare say, sensible enough ; 
 but I t you fcnoir, am married" as if that 
 alone had been sufficient to give weight to 
 the scale in which good sense, and almost 
 every other good quality, appeared to be 
 wanting. 
 
 In no part of the conduct of the bride will 
 keen eyes be more scrutinizing than here. 
 The husband's relatives especially will be 
 ready to detect the least assumption of supe- 
 riority to themselves. If, therefore, there has 
 been any difference of rank or station in fa- 
 vor of the bride, she will act most wisely as 
 regards herself, and most generously as re- 
 gards her husband, by keeping every sign or 
 evidence of her having filled a more exalted 
 station entirely out of sight. 
 
 All her eccentricities, too, must share the 
 
 I
 
 THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 19 
 
 same fate, at least, until her new relations 
 shall have learned to love her well enough to 
 tolerate them for her sake. At first there 
 will be no such charitable feeling extended 
 towards those peculiarities of character with 
 which they cannot sympathize, perhaps be- 
 cause they cannot understand them. She 
 must now be judged of by a new rule. Sin- 
 gularities of manner, scarcely perceived at 
 home, or kindly borne with as a'necessafy 
 part of individuality, will now appear not 
 only flaring, but inconsistent and absurd. 
 Faults of temper, too long, and perhaps too 
 leniently indulged, will now be met with op- 
 position, and have the necessity of their ex- 
 istence called in question ; while all those 
 little playful sallies of local wit or humor, 
 which were wont to fill up the blanks of 
 social life, may possibly be heard without a 
 smile, or wondered at as unmeaning, and in 
 bad taste. 
 
 It is unquestionably the best policy then for 
 a bride to be in all things the opposite of ec- 
 centric. Her character, if she have any, 
 will develop itself in time ; and nothing can 
 be gained, jhough much may be lost, by ex- 
 hibiting its peculiarities before they are likely 
 to be candidly judged or rightly understood. 
 In being unobtrusive, quiet, impartially polite 
 to all, and willing to bend to circumstances, 
 consists the great virtue of a bride ; and 
 though to sink, even for a short time, into an 
 apparent nonentity, may be a little humbling 
 to one who has occupied a distinguished place 
 amongst her former friends, the prudent wo- 
 man will be abundantly repaid, by being thus 
 enabled to make her own observations upon 
 the society and the circumstances around 
 her, to see what pleasant paths she may with 
 safety pursue, or what opportunities are likely 
 to open for a fuller development of her pow- 
 ers, either natural or acquired. 
 
 With regard to the duties of charity, and 
 indeed of kindness in general, the cordial re- 
 ception a bride usually meets with, the inter- 
 est she has so recently excited, and the fa- 
 vorable aspect worn by every thing around 
 her, naturally inspire in her mind so much 
 that is agreeable in return, and awaken on 
 
 her part so many feelings of kindness and 
 good-will, that she becomes more than usu- 
 ally anxious to manifest her benevolence, 
 even towards persons, who, under lees favor- 
 able circumstances, would have excited no 
 interest whatever. 
 
 Those who make it their business to check 
 such feelings, have a hard and ungrateful 
 duty to perform ; and yet, where the founda- 
 tion of such acts of benevolence as are thus 
 performed, is feeling only, the danger is, that 
 a system of behavior will be rashly adopted, 
 which the emotions of after life will not be 
 sufficiently powerful consistently to maintain; 
 and the consequences of such falling off will 
 necessarily be, that the sorrowful or the indi- 
 gent will have to endure a degree of disap- 
 pointment or neglect, for which they were 
 but little prepared. 
 
 There can be neither injustice nor unkind- 
 ness in not listening, in the first instance, to 
 claims which you are not able to satisfy ; but 
 there is cruelty absolute cruelty, in with- 
 drawing your attention and interest from per- 
 sons who have learned to look to you for 
 sympathy and cordial feoling, and in refusing 
 your assistance to those who have learned to 
 look to you for support. As each person 
 can only satisfy a certain number of claims, 
 it follows as a necessary consequence, that 
 by engaging at once in too many, some, or 
 perhaps all, must in the end be suffered to 
 fall into neglect 
 
 The first year of married life may justly be 
 regarded as not likely to present one half of 
 the claims upon individual or household char- 
 ity which will follow in the second and the 
 third ; would it not, therefore, be wise to lay 
 by against a future day, a little fund or store 
 for this purpose! and by always keeping 
 something in hand to be appropriated to 
 charitable uses alone, there can be no sur- 
 prise when the payment of a bill is due, to 
 find that part of the amount has already been 
 given to relieve a family in distress, and that 
 the payment of the whole must therefore be 
 deferred. All such miscalculations, and falling 
 short of funds as these, cannot be too scru- 
 pulously guarded against; for not only is
 
 20 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 their influence bad, as they operate against 
 the prompt discharge of pecuniary debts, but 
 their tendency is equally to be feared, as they 
 often warp the mind from its benevolent and 
 kindly purposes, by a frequent repetition of 
 regret that sums have been thoughtlessly ex- 
 pended in charity, which ought to have been 
 otherwise employed. 
 
 And here I would observe, that the less 
 we are induced by circumstances to grudge 
 our past charities, or regret our past kind- 
 ness, the better it is for our own hearts, and 
 for the general tone and temper of our minds. 
 Indeed, where acts of charity are performed 
 with right motives, not for the applause of 
 men, or even for the satisfaction of having 
 done a good deed, or brought about a good 
 end ; but simply from a love to God, and in 
 obedience to his commands, there can be no 
 such thing as looking back with regret to the 
 act itself, whatever its consequences may be. 
 He who has commanded us to visit the fa- 
 therless and the widow in their affliction, has 
 not given us more than human penetration to 
 judge of the exact amount of their necessi- 
 ties, or their deserts. If, therefore, we have 
 erred, it has only been in the proportion, or 
 the application, of our bestowments. The 
 act of giving remains as much a duty as 
 ever, and to her who has learned to look 
 upon the good things of this life as only lent 
 to her for a brief season of trial, this sacred 
 duty will be found connected with the highest 
 enjoyments' of which, in our present state of 
 existence, we are capable. 
 
 But in order to enjoy the luxury of giving 
 with the greatest zest, it is highly important 
 that we attend to the strict rules of economy. 
 I have already written much, and would that 
 others would write more, and better, on this 
 subject; for until we can separate in the 
 minds of young women their favorite idea 
 of lavish expenditure, from that of generos- 
 ity, there is little good to be expected from 
 the Wives of England, and little happiness 
 to be looked for in their far-famed homes. 
 Would that philanthropists of every descrip- 
 tion then, would give their attention to this 
 subject in detail, and lay it before the public 
 
 in a manner that would render it intelligible 
 to the female part of the community ; while, 
 communicated through them, it would find 
 its way to every house and every cottage 
 in our land not that economy which would 
 lead to a useless hoarding up of money, but to 
 the glorious object of effecting the greatest pos- 
 sible amount of good with the smallest means. 
 . Until this most refined and delicate art is 
 made systematically a part of female educa- 
 tion, we must look to that stern teacher expe- 
 rience, to show us, late in life, what miglit have 
 been accomplished by a combination of econo- 
 my with kindness, had we but begun the study 
 of this delightful art in time. We must look 
 to the items that have been absolutely wasted, 
 in almost every thing we have had to do, for 
 want of being acquainted with a better mode 
 of doing it ; and, adding these together, we 
 must look to the helpless and the destitute, 
 and see what an amount of suffering might 
 have been relieved by our economy, if through 
 a long lifetime we had turned every thing com- 
 mitted to our care, or granted for our use, to 
 the best possible account But we must look 
 beyond this. Yes, we must look with blush- 
 ing and confusion of face to that want of 
 moral rectitude which rendered us worse 
 than ignorant of the mischief we were doing 
 to that culpable and degrading apathy that 
 recklessness of all responsibility with which we 
 conducted our domestic and personal affairs, 
 regardless of each item wasted, until the whole 
 became a mighty and fearful mass of evidence 
 against us, perpetually reminding us, through 
 the medium of our penurious charities, our 
 scanty means, and our apprehensions of the 
 fearful reckoning of each coming day re- 
 minding us by these humiliating remembran- 
 cers of what we have lost beyond all possi- 
 bility of recovery. 
 
 I am not, however, one of those who would 
 recommend the sacrifice either of comfort or 
 respectability for the sake of economy. A 
 certain air of comfort, a certain degree of re- 
 spectability, regulated by the sphere in which 
 the parties move, should never be lost sight 
 of by the mistress of a house. More espe- 
 cially, there should be no meanness behind
 
 THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 21 
 
 the scenes, to support an unwarrantable dis- 
 play in public. There is a moral degradation 
 in such meanness wherever it exists ; and 
 those persons who have habitually to hide 
 themselves, or to conceal their dinner-table, 
 when a guest approaches, must be living 
 either above or below the line which strict 
 integrity would point out to be observed 
 they must either be making a figure at other 
 times, and in other places, which they are 
 not able consistently to support ; or they must 
 be dressing and living beneath that standard 
 of respectability which properly belongs to 
 their character and station. 
 | In order to proportion all these matters 
 fairly, the bride must be content to wait un- 
 til time and experience shall have brought to 
 light her true position, and her actual means. 
 The first year of married life will probably 
 be less expensive than the second, and the 
 second less so than the third. Her house- 
 hold furniture, and her own clothing, being 
 good and new, there can be little wanted for 
 repairs ; and, therefore, in her domestic ek- 
 penditure, as well as in her charities, this 
 year will afford no true criterion of the claims 
 she must afterwards expect 
 
 It is, perhaps, owing to this fallacious ap- 
 pearance in their domestic affairs, that so 
 many inexperienced persons are led on to 
 purchase first one article of luxury or indul- 
 gence, and then another, even after their bet- 
 ter judgment had dictated that such things 
 should be done without ; and thus, because 
 they did not find housekeeping at first so ex- 
 pensive as they had anticipated, they have 
 launched out into extravagance which they 
 have had bitterly to regret Such persons are 
 apt to say, " there can be no loss in furniture, 
 each article will always sell for its full value 
 there can be no waste in silver, because it 
 is easily got rid of for the price of its own 
 weight" But what absurdity is this ! As 
 if, after having made a certain figure before 
 the world, and in society, it was as easy to 
 retreat and sink into a lower grade, as it is 
 to sell a sofa, or a silver fork. Why, this 
 very act of assuming a certain position, and 
 this very dread of falling back, is what the 
 
 whole world is striving about at this very 
 hour. It is what so many heads are calcu- 
 lating upon, what so many hands are work- 
 ing out, and what so many hearts are beat- 
 ing for. Whether we look at the wear-and- 
 tear of mental and animal life in our great 
 cites, our ships upon the ocean, our laborers 
 on the land, our congregated thousands pent 
 up in heated rooms, and our miners digging 
 in the bowels of the earth ; or whether we 
 turn the page of man's history, and looking 
 at the inner movements of this great prin- 
 ciple, behold him in his moments of unrest, 
 note down the fluttering of his ambitious 
 hopes, the agony of his suspense, his disap- 
 pointment or his triumph, it is all the effect 
 of one great pause, and that the strongest 
 and most universal which prevails in highly 
 civilized communities a desire to keep ad- 
 vancing in the scale of society, and a dread 
 of falling back from the position already held. 
 Let us then at least talk common sense ; 
 and in doing this, I would advise the newly 
 married woman to look at things in general 
 as they really are, not as they might be. She 
 will then see, that nothing is more difficult to 
 human nature, than to come down even one 
 step from any height it has attained, whether 
 imaginary or real. If, therefore, the ap- 
 pearance a young couple make on their first 
 outset in life be evei so little beyond their 
 means, so far from their being willing to re- 
 duce their appearance or style of living to a 
 lower scale, they will ever afterwards be per- 
 plexed by devices, and harassed by endeav- 
 ors, to maintain in all respects the appear- 
 ance they have so imprudently assumed. 
 This perpetual straitness and inadequacy of 
 means to effect the end desired, is of itself 
 sufficient to poison the fountain of domestic 
 concord at its source. It is bad enough to have 
 innumerable wants created in our own minds 
 which our utmost efforts are unequal to satis- 
 fy ; but it is worse, as many thousands can 
 attest, in addition to this, for the husband 
 and the wife to be perpetually disputing at 
 their own fireside, about what expenses can 
 be done without, and what cannot Yet all 
 these consequences follow, and worse, and
 
 22 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 more calamitous than tongue or pen can de- 
 scribe, from the simple fact of having begun 
 a new establishment on too expensive a scale. 
 
 It may seem like a fanciful indulgence of 
 morbid feeling, but I own my attention has 
 often been arrested in the streets of London, 
 by a spectacle which few ladies would stop to 
 contemplate a pawnbroker's shop. And I 
 have imagined I could there trace the grad- 
 ual fall from these high beginnings, in the 
 new hearth-rug scarcely worn, the gaudy 
 carpet with its roses scarcely soiled, the 
 flowery tea-tray, and, worst of all, the bride's 
 white veil. What a breaking-up, I have 
 thought, must there have been of some lit- 
 tle establishment, before the dust of a single 
 twelvemonth had fallen on its hearth ! 
 these articles perhaps disposed of to defray 
 the expenses of illness, or to satisfy the very 
 creditors of whom they were obtained on 
 trust 
 
 Now, though I imagine myself to be ad- 
 dressing a class of persons far removed from 
 all liabilities of this kind, yet, proportioned to 
 their higher respectability, is their greater 
 influence ; and just so far as that influence is 
 on the side of prudence and economy, will 
 their example operate beneficially upon the 
 classes beneath them. 
 
 It seems to be the nature of evil universal- 
 ly to diffuse itself, by rendering one wrong 
 action almost necessary to another. Thug no 
 human being can say, " I will commit this 
 particular sin, and go no further." Most 
 especially is this the case with every kind 
 of deception, just as one wilful deviation 
 from truth draws after it a long train of false- 
 hood. Every deviation from the line of in- 
 tegrity, is followed by the same inevitable 
 consequences, and thus where persons have 
 made up their minds to exhibit before the 
 world a style of dress, or a mode of living, 
 beyond what their circumstances are able 
 consistently to support, an endless train of 
 meanness, artifice, and practical falsehood, is 
 almost sure to follow. How much better is 
 it then, to begin the world with an honest 
 heart and a clear conscience, as regards 
 these points of duty, and neither to carry on 
 
 behind the scenes a disgraceful system of ex- 
 tracting from comfort what extravagance de- 
 mands, nor of exhibiting at first a transient 
 display of luxury or pomp, to be repented of 
 for the remainder of life. 
 
 AH this, however, requires some self-denial, 
 much principle, and much love. It requires 
 self-denial, because while almost all the 
 world is progressing at this rate, to assume a 
 plainer and more simple mpde of living 
 necessarily brings with it a suspicion of 
 being unable to live differently. It requires 
 principle, because temptations present them- 
 selves on every hand to purchase what we 
 wish for at less than its apparent value ; and 
 it requires love, because with true and deep 
 affection, the wife is so bound up in the inte- 
 rests of her husband, that all things become 
 light in comparison with his temporal and 
 eternal good. Love, therefore, is admirably 
 calculated to lessen all privations arising 
 from a conscientious adherence to strict integ- 
 rity on these points. 
 
 Nothing shows more plainly the mistake 
 under which people in general labor, with 
 regard to the degree of mental and moral 
 capability requisite in a really good wife, than 
 the common expression used to describe a 
 merely well-disposed and ignorant female, 
 when it is said of her, that she is " a good 
 sort of body, and will make an excellent 
 wife." The generality of men, and even 
 some of the most intelligent amongst them, 
 appear peculiarly disposed to make the expe- 
 riment of marrying such women, as if the 
 very fact of their deficiency in moral disci- 
 pline, and intellectual power, was of itself a 
 recommendation rather than otherwise, in 
 the mistress of a family; and until women 
 shall really find themselves neglected by the 
 loftier sex, and actually consigned to oblivion, 
 because they are indolent, selfish, or silly, it 
 is to be feared that books may be multiplied 
 on this subject, and even sermons preached, 
 with little or no effect. 
 
 Still there is surely something in the deep 
 heart of woman capable of a nobler ambition 
 than that of merely securing as a husband 
 the man she most admires. To make that
 
 THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 23 
 
 husband happy, to raise his character, to 
 give dignity to his house, and to train up 
 his children in the path of wisdom these 
 are the objects which a true wife will not 
 rest satisfied without endeavoring to attain. 
 And how is all this to be done without re- 
 flection, system, and self-government 1 Sim- 
 ply to mean well, may be the mere impulse 
 of a child or an idiot ; but to know how to 
 act well, so as that each successive kind im- 
 pulse shall be made to tell upon the welfare 
 and the happiness of others, is the highest 
 lesson which the school of moral discipline 
 can teach. 
 
 Nor is it only by.the exercise of a high or- 
 der of talent that this branch of wisdom can 
 be attained. It is by using such talent as we 
 have, by beginning early to observe and to 
 think, to lay down rules for self-discipline, 
 and to act upon them, so that in after years 
 they shall have become too familiar and habi 
 tual to require an effort to maintain. Thu; 
 it is unquestionably better that the grea 
 work of mental discipline should be com 
 menced after marriage, than not at all ; bu 
 the woman who delays this work until tha 
 time, is not much wiser than the man wh 
 should have to learn to walk after he had en- 
 gaged to run a race. 
 
 Already, even in the first year of married 
 life, all the previously formed habits a woman 
 has indulged, begin to tell upon a larger 
 scale than they could have done in her sin- 
 gle state. The art of economizing time may 
 now be made to yield a mine of wealth, be- 
 yond what riches alone could ever have be- 
 stowed ; and of this most precious treasure, 
 neither change of fortune, nor place, nor cir- 
 cumstance, will be able to deprive her. If 
 that cleverness which I have attempted to 
 describe in a previous work* has been ac- 
 quired and practised in her early years, it 
 will now have become like a part of her na- 
 ture an additional faculty, which is really 
 nothing less than the power of turning every 
 thing to the best account; and this power 
 she will now be able to exercise at will", for 
 
 * The Daughters of England. 
 
 the benefit of all with whom she is asso- 
 ciated. 
 
 " But of what use," some may be inclined 
 to ask, " is her learning and her knowledge, 
 now that the actual work of the hand has 
 become a duty of such important considera- 
 tion 1" I answer, that the early attainment 
 of learning and knowledge will be found of 
 more than tenfold importance now ; because, 
 in the first place, there will be no longer time 
 for their acquisition ; and in the next, they 
 will be wanted every day, if not in their di- 
 rect, in their relative exercise, to raise the 
 tone of social intercourse around the domes- 
 tic hearth. 
 
 ''Music, painting, and poetry, taste, tact, and 
 observation, may all be made conducive to 
 the same desirable end ; for if by the mar- 
 riage vow, you hoped to unite yourself to an 
 immortal mind and I cannot believe of my 
 countrywomen that more grovelling thoughts 
 would be theirs at that solemn hour you 
 must desire to sustain and cherish such a 
 mind, in all its highest aspirations, and in all 
 its noblest aims. In fact, I know not what 
 love is, if it seeks not the moral and intellec- 
 tual perfection of its object if it is not willing, 
 in order to promote this glorious purpose 
 
 " To watch all time, and pry into all space ;** 
 
 so that no opportunity may be lost, and no 
 means neglected, of raising the tone of a hus- 
 iband's character to the highest scale which 
 
 ian is capable of attaining. It is true, that 
 ;o comfort and sustain the body is a duty 
 [which ought never to be neglected ; but the 
 
 oman who can rest satisfied with this, knows 
 jittle of the holy and elevating principal of 
 eal love of that love which alone can jus- 
 :ify any one in taking upon herself the sacred 
 esponsibilities of a wife. 
 
 Influenced by this love, the woman of right 
 feeling will perceive, though but recently mar 
 ried, that her position is one of relative import- 
 ance ; that however insignificant each sepa- 
 rate act of her life might have been when she 
 dwelt alone, or as an inferior member of a 
 family, she has now become the centre of a 
 circle of influence, which will widen and ex-
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 tend itself to other circles, until it mixes with 
 the great ocean of eternity. Thus, it is not 
 only what she says and does, but also what 
 she leaves unsaid and undone, which will 
 give a coloring to futurity, so far as the in- 
 fluence of a wife extends ; for to have neg- 
 lected acts of duty, or opportunities of advice 
 and encouragement, is in reality to incur the 
 risk of consequences as calamitous as those 
 which follow having spoken unwisely, or 
 acted from improper motives. 
 
 It is a serious and alarming thought, but 
 one which ought to be ever present with the 
 young wife, that no servant can leave her 
 establishment without being either better or 
 worse for her experience there ; that no party 
 can meet beneath her roof without receiving 
 some good or evil bias from the general tone 
 of her conversation and manners ; and above 
 all, that the rules she lays down for the regu- 
 lation of her household, the principles of jus- 
 tice and integrity, of benevolence, temperance, 
 order, and Christian charity, which are there 
 acted upon, will diffuse themselves through 
 the different members of her household, and, 
 flowing thus through various channels, will 
 become the foundation of peace and comfort 
 in other families, they in their turn dissemi- 
 nating the same principles to the end of time. 
 
 What a sublime what an elevating 
 thought! May it fill the happy bosom of 
 every English bride, and may the closing re- 
 solution of the first year of her married life 
 be this " Let others do as they will, but as 
 for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN. 
 
 IN* approaching this part of my subject, I 
 cannot but feel that it is one which I have 
 neither the understanding nor the skill to 
 treat with ample justice. All I will venture 
 upon, therefore, is to point out a few of those 
 peculiarities, which women who have been 
 but little accustomed to the society of men, 
 
 might otherwise be surprised to find in a hus- 
 band. If, in pursuance of this task, what I 
 am compelled to say, should appear in any 
 way disparaging to the dignity of men in 
 general, my apology must be this that it is 
 the very peculiarities I am about to point out, 
 which constitute the chief difficulties a mar- 
 ried woman has to contend with, and which, 
 therefore, claim the sympathy of such as are 
 anxious to assist her in the right performance 
 of her duties as a wife. 
 
 Were all men excellent, without inconsis- 
 tencies, and without defects, there would be 
 no need for words of caution or advice ad- 
 dressed to the weaker sex, but especially to 
 wives, for each would have perpetually be- 
 fore her, a perfect model of true excellence, 
 from which she would be ashamed to differ, 
 and by which she would be taught at once 
 to admire and imitate whatever is most wor- 
 thy of esteem. With gratitude we ought fo 
 acknowledge our belief, that morally andspir- 
 itually there is perfect equality^ between-men 
 and-BUMaejl^jfi^JnJhe character of a noble, 
 enlightened, and truly good man, there is a 
 
 . an n,e,{trly approach- 
 
 ing what we believe to be the nature and ca- 
 jacity of angels, that as no feeling can ex- 
 ceed. so no language can describe, the degree 
 of .admiration and re.^pn.-t \\ 
 plation oTsuch a character must excite. To 
 be permitteTTto dwell within the influence of 
 ; such a man, must be a privilege of the high- 
 est order ; to listen to his conversation, must 
 be a perpetual feast ; but to be permitted into 
 his heart to share his counsels, and to be 
 the chosen companion of his joys and sor- 
 rows ! it is difficult to say whether humility 
 or gratitude should preponderate in the feel- 
 ings of the woman thus distinguished and 
 I thus blest. Axv-fc, 
 
 If all men were of this description, these 
 pages might be given to the winds. We 
 must suppose, however, for the sake of 
 meeting every case, and especially the most 
 diffioult, that there are men occasionally 
 found who are not, strictly speaking, noble, 
 nor highly enlightened, nor altogether good. 
 That such men are as much disposed as
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN. 
 
 their superiors to enter into the married 
 state, is also a fact of public notoriety, and 
 it is to the women who venture upon uniting 
 themselves to such men for life, that I would 
 be understood chiefly to address myself. 
 
 In order to render the subject more clear, 
 I will in the first place draw an imaginary 
 line between reasonable, and unreasonable, 
 men. A reasonable man is one who will 
 give a candid hearing to arguments against 
 his own preconceived opinions, and who, 
 when he believes himself to have good cause 
 for acting or thinking as he does, is yet will- 
 ing to be shown a better cause for acting or 
 thinking differently. The mind of a reason- 
 able man is, therefore, open to conviction, 
 impartial, and comprehensive ; jind_a]l_these 
 qualities, from the very nature of his consti- 
 tution, ho pooocoees in a liigher degree than 
 they can be possessed by woman. An un- 
 reasonable man is one who will think and act 
 in a particular manner, simply because he 
 wilL^ If he knows any better reason why he 
 so thinks and acts, he deems it unnecessary 
 to disclose it, because to him this is all-suffi- 
 cient ; and as it is one which no argument 
 can refute, and no opposition overcome, the 
 woman who has to accommodate her habits 
 to his, had need commence the preparation 
 for her married life, by a study of patience 
 from the book of Job. 
 
 If, as I have stated, the example and influ- 
 ence of a truly excellent man, are such as to 
 render the very atmosphere in which he lives 
 one of perpetual improvement and delight ; 
 on the other hand, there is nothing more dis- 
 couraging to a woman, than to find defects 
 in the character she has associated herself 
 with for life, having believed it to be thus ex- 
 cellent. Indeed, the peculiarities of the wise, 
 and the inconsistencies of the good, among 
 the nobler sex, have a peculiarly startling ef- 
 fect upon women in general, and often prove 
 the means of retarding their improvement, 
 by awakening the childish and petulant 
 thought, that if such are the best, there can 
 be little use in striving after excellence at 
 all. 
 
 All women should, therefore, be prepared 
 
 for discovering faults in men, as they are for 
 beholding spots in the sun, or clouds in the 
 summer sky. Nor is it consistent with the 
 disinterested nature of women's purest, deep- 
 est affection, that they should love them less, 
 because they cannot admire them more. 
 
 Much allowance should be made in all euch 
 calculations, for the peculiar mode of educa- 
 tion by which men are trained for the world. 
 From their early childhood, girls are accus- 
 tomed to fill an inferior place, to give up, to 
 fall back, and to be as nothing in comparison 
 pvith their brothers ; while boys, on the other 
 hand, have to suffer all the disadvantages in 
 after life, of having had their precocious self- 
 j ishness encouraged, from the time when they 
 first began to feel the dignity of superior 
 power, and the triumph of occupying a su- 
 perior place. .' 
 
 Men who have been thus educated by fool- 
 ish and indulgent mothers; who have been 
 placed at public schools, where the influence, 
 the character, and the very name of woman 
 was a by-word for contempt ; who have been 
 afterwards associated with sisters who were 
 capricious, ignorant, and vain such men 
 are very unjustly blamed for being selfish, 
 domineering, and tyrannical to the other sex. 
 In fact, how should they be otherwise 1 It 
 is a common thing to complain of the selfish- 
 ness of men, but I have often thought, on 
 looking candidly at their early lives, and re- 
 flecting how little cultivation of the heart is 
 blended with what is popularly called the 
 best education, the wonder should be that 
 men are not more selfish still. 
 
 With all these allowances, then, we may 
 grant them to be selfish, and pity, rather than 
 blame them that they are so ; for no happy 
 being ever yet was found, whose hopes and 
 wisnes centred in its own bosom. 
 
 The young and inexperienced woman, who 
 has but recently been made the subject of 
 man's attentions, and the object of his choice, 
 will probably be disposed to dispute this 
 point with me, and to argue that one man at 
 least is free from selfishness; because she 
 sees, or rather hears her lover willing to give 
 up every thing for her. But let no woman
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 trust to such obsequiousness, for generally 
 speaking, those who are the most extrava- 
 gant in their professions, and the most servile 
 in their adulation before marriage, are the 
 most unreasonable and requiring afterwards. 
 Let her settle it then in her own mind, what- 
 ever aspect her affairs may assume at pres- 
 ent, that men in general are more apt than 
 women, to act and think as if they were 
 created to exist of, and by, themselves ; and 
 this self-sustained existence a wife can only 
 share, in proportion as she is identified in 
 every thing with her husband. Men have 
 no idea, generally speaking, of having them- 
 selves and their affairs made subservient to 
 an end, even though it may be a good one. 
 They are, in fact, their own alpha and omega 
 beginning and end. But all this, I repeat, 
 is the consequence of a want of that moral 
 training which ought ever to be made the 
 prominent part of education. 
 
 Beyond this, however, it may be said to be 
 a necessary part of man's nature, and condu- 
 cive to his support in the position he has to 
 maintain, that he should, in a greater degree 
 than woman, be sufficient unto himself. The 
 nature of his occupations, and the character 
 of his peculiar duties, require this. The con- 
 tending interests of the community at large, 
 the strife of public affairs, and the compe- 
 tition of business, with the paramount im- 
 portance of establishing himself as the master 
 of a family, and the head of a household, all 
 require a degree of concentrated effort in fa- 
 vor of self, and a powerful repulsion against 
 others, which woman, happily for her, is sel- 
 dom or never called upon to maintain. 
 
 The same degree of difference in the edu- 
 cation of men and women, leads, on the one 
 hand, to a more expansive range of intellect 
 and thought ; and on the other, to the exer- 
 cise of the same faculties upon what is par- 
 ticular and minute. Men consequently are 
 accustomed to generalize. They look with 
 far-stretching views to the general bearing 
 of every question submitted to their considera- 
 tion. Even when planning for the good of 
 their fellow-creatures, it is on a large scale, 
 and most frequently upon the principle of the 
 
 greatest good to the greatest number. By 
 following out this system, injustice is often 
 unconsciously done to individuals, and even 
 a species of cruelty exercised, which it should 
 be woman's peculiar object to study to avert ; 
 but at the same time, to effect her purpose 
 in such a way, as neither to thwart nor in- 
 terfere with the greater and more important 
 good. 
 
 We see here, as in a thousand other in- 
 stances, the beautiful adaptation of the natu- 
 ral constitution of the two sexes, so as to 
 effect a greater amount of good by their joint 
 efforts, than either could effect alone. Were 
 an island peopled only by men, the strictness 
 of its judicial regulations, and the cold form- 
 ality of its public institutions, would render it 
 an ungenial soil for the growth of those finer 
 feelings, and those subtler impulses of nature, 
 which not only beautify the whole aspect of 
 human life, but are often proved to have 
 been blossoms of the richest fruit, and seeds 
 of the most abundant harvest And were a 
 neighboring island peopled by women only, 
 the discord of Babel, or the heated elements 
 of a volcano, could scarcely equal the con- 
 fusion, the ebullition, and the universal tu- 
 mult, that would follow the partial attention 
 given to every separate complaint, the ready 
 credence accorded to every separate story, 
 and the prompt and unhesitating application 
 of means, to effect at all times the most in- 
 compatible ends. 
 
 Those who argue for the perfect equality 
 the oneness of women in their intellectual 
 nature with men, appear to know little of 
 that higher philosophy, by which both, from 
 the very distinctness of their characters, have 
 been made subservient to the purposes of 
 wisdom and of goodness ; and after having 
 observed with deep thought, and profound 
 reverence, the operation of mind on mind, 
 the powerful and instinctive sympathies 
 which rule our very being, and the asso- 
 ciated influence of different natures, all 
 working together, yet too separate and dis- 
 tinct to create confusion ; to those who have 
 thus regarded the perfect adjustment of the 
 plans of an all-wise Providence, I own it
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN. 
 
 27 
 
 does appear an ignorant and vulgar contest, 
 to strive to establish the equality of that, 
 which would lose not only its utility, but its 
 perfection, by being assimilated with a dif- 
 ferent nature. 
 
 From the same constitution of mind which 
 leads men to generalize, and to look at every 
 thing they contemplate on an extensive scale, 
 they are seldom good economists. Even the 
 most penurious, the very misers of whom we 
 read such extraordinary accounts, appear to 
 have had a very mistaken idea of the best 
 means of ensuring the great object of their 
 lives. Thus, while most anxious to avoid 
 the least unnecessary expense, some men 
 greatly increase the waste and the outlay of 
 money in their household arrangements,*y 
 not allowing a sufficient number of imple- 
 ments, utensils, or other conveniences, and 
 means, for the purpose of facilitating domes- 
 tic operations, by making each individual 
 thing supply the place for which it is most 
 suitable, and best calculated to secure against 
 absolute waste. 
 
 The master of a family is quite capable of 
 perceiving that money for domestic purposes 
 is often in demand ; and that through some 
 channel or other, it escapes very rapidly ; but 
 he is altogether incompetent and would 
 that all men would believe it ! to judge of 
 the necessity there is for each particular sum, 
 or how the whole in the end must unavoida- 
 bly be increased, by making every article of 
 household use answer as many purposes as it 
 is capable of, without regard to fitness, dura- 
 bility, or strength. 
 
 But if, on the one hand, our first wish for 
 the increased happiness of the homes of 
 England would be, that men should let these 
 things alone ; our next, and perhaps it ought 
 to stand first, and be still more earnest than 
 the other, is this, that all women should be 
 so educated, and so prepared by the right 
 disposition of their own minds, as to afford 
 their husbands just grounds for perfect con- 
 fidence in their understanding and right prin- 
 ciple, with regard to these important affairs. 
 For in the first place, without understanding, 
 no woman can economize ; and in the next, 
 
 without being supremely anxious for the ful- 
 filment of domestic duty, no woman will. 
 Thus, in addition to other causes of anxiety, 
 sufficiently abounding in the present day, 
 throughout every department of business, 
 hundreds and thousands of men in the re- 
 spectable walks of life, have to suffer from 
 daily and almost hourly apprehension, that a 
 system of neglect and extravagance in their 
 own houses, is wasting away the slender 
 profits of their labor and their care. On the 
 score of simple kindness, then, one would 
 suppose that a right-minded woman would 
 .wish to spare her husband these distressing 
 thoughts; while, on the score of domestic 
 comfort, ease, and independence, it is impos- 
 sible to calculate the vast amount to which 
 she would herself be the gainer, by convin- 
 cing her husband that she was not only able, 
 but determined, to manage his household ex- 
 penditure with the least possible waste. 
 
 "With all this, however, and often in con- 
 nection with the most rigid notions of econ- 
 omy, men are fond of personal indulgences ; 
 nor ought they ever to be absolutely denied 
 so reasonable a means of restoring their ex- 
 hausted energy and cheerfulness, more espe- 
 cially, because those who are connected in 
 any way with business, or who have to provide 
 by their own efforts for the maintenance of 
 their families, are generally so circumstanced 
 through the greater portion of each day, as 
 to be as far removed as possible from all op- 
 portunity of personal enjoyment. 
 
 It would, indeed, be a hard thing to reflise 
 to the husband who returns home from his 
 desk, his counter, or his fields, the best seat, 
 or the choicest food, with any other indul- 
 gence his circumstances may afford. Here, 
 however, in certain families, exists a great 
 difficulty; for some men. and I need not say 
 they are of the unreasonable class, are deter- 
 mined to have the indulgences, and yet are 
 unwilling to incur the expense. From their 
 habit of disregarding things in detail, and 
 looking upon them only as a whole; they 
 are utterly unconscious of the importance of 
 every little addition in the shape of luxury to 
 the general sum ; and thus the wife is placed
 
 28 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 in the painful dilemma, either of denying her 
 husband the gratification of his tastes and 
 wishes, or of bearing all the blame of con- 
 ducting her household expenses on too ex- 
 travagant a scale. 
 
 There are few situations in the long cata- 
 logue of female perplexities more harassing 
 than this ; for it must ever be borne in mind, 
 that men have a tendency to dislike the im- 
 mediate instrument of their suffering or priva- 
 tion. And this again brings us to observe 
 another of their peculiarities, so important 
 in its influence upon the whole of mar- 
 ried life, that if a woman should venture to 
 judge of man's love by her own, she would 
 probably commit one of the most fatal mis- 
 takes by which human happiness was ever 
 wrecked. 
 
 The love of woman appears to have been 
 created solely to minister ; that of man, to be 
 ministered unto. It is true, his avocations 
 lead him daily to some labor, or some effort 
 for the maintenance of his family ; and he 
 often conscientiously believes that this labor is 
 for his wife. But the probability is, that he 
 would be just as attentive to his business, and 
 as eager about making money, had he no wife 
 at all witness the number of single men 
 who provide with as great care, and as plen- 
 tifully, according to their wr.nts, for the main- 
 tenance of a house without either wife or 
 child. 
 
 As it is the natural characteristic of wo- 
 man's love in its most refined, as well as its 
 most practical development, to be perpetual- 
 ly doing something for the good or the happi- 
 ness of the object of her affection, it is but 
 reasonable that man's personal comfort should 
 be studiously attended to ; and in this, the 
 complacence and satisfaction which most men 
 evince on finding themselves placed at table 
 before a favorite dish, situated beside a clean 
 hearth, or accommodated with an empty sofa, 
 is of itself a sufficient reward for any sacrifice 
 such indulgence may have cost In proofs 
 of affection like these, there is something tan- 
 gible which speaks home to the senses some- 
 thing which man can understand without an 
 effort ; and he will sit down to eat, or com- 
 
 pose himself to rest, with more hearty good- 
 will towards the wife who has been thought- 
 ful about these things, than if she had been 
 all day busily employed in writing a treatise 
 on morals for his especial benefit 
 
 Again, man's dignity, as well as his com- 
 fort, must be ministered unto. I propose to 
 treat this subject more fully in another chap- 
 ter, but in speaking of man's peculiarities it 
 must never be forgotten that he ought not to 
 be required to bear the least infringement up- 
 on his dignity as a man, and a husband. The 
 woman who has the bad taste, and worse 
 feeling, to venture upon this experiment, ef- 
 fectually lowers herself; for in proportion as 
 her husband sinks, she must sink with him, 
 and ever, as wife, be lower still. Many, how- 
 ever, from ignorance, and with the very best 
 intentions, err in this way, and I am inclined 
 to think such persons suffer more from the 
 consequences of their folly, than others do 
 from their wilful deviation from what is right; 
 just as self-love is more wounded by an in- 
 nocent, than by an intentional humiliation ; 
 because the latter shows us how little we are 
 really esteemed, while the former invests us 
 with a certain degree of importance, as being 
 worthy of a premeditated insult 
 
 It is unquestionably the inalienable right of 
 all men, whether ill or well, rich or poor, wise 
 or foolish, to be treated with deference, and 
 made much of in their own houses. It is 
 true that in the last mentioned case, this duty 
 may be attended with some difficulty in the 
 performance ; but as no man becomes a fool, 
 or loses his senses by marriage, the woman 
 who has selected such a companion must 
 abide by the consequences ; and even he, 
 whatever may be his degree of fo!!y, is enti- 
 tled to respect from her, because shejiasvol- 
 ujitajily_pjaced hgrselfJnj?"^ a ]^sjtjjjfta* 
 she_jnust necessarily be his, inferior. 
 
 I have said, that whether well of ill, a hus- 
 band is entitled to respect ; and it is perhaps 
 when ill, more than at any other time, that 
 men are impressed with a sense of their own 
 importance. It is, therefore, an act of kind- 
 ness, as well as of justice, and a concession 
 easily made, to endeavor to keep up this idea,
 
 CHARACTERISTICS OF MEN. 
 
 29 
 
 >y all those little acts of delicate attention 
 vhich at once do good to the body, and sus- 
 ain the mind. Illness is to men a sufficient 
 rial and humiliation of itself, as it deprives 
 hem of their free agency, cuts them off from 
 their accustomed manly avocations, and 
 shuts them up to a kind of imprisonment, 
 which from their previous habits they are lit- 
 ;le calculated to bear. A sensible and kind- 
 learted woman, therefore, will never inflict 
 upon the man she loves, when thus circum- 
 itanced, the additional punishment of feeling 
 that it is possible for him to be forgotten or 
 neglected. 
 
 But chiefly in poverty, or when laboring 
 under depressed circumstances, it is the part 
 of a true wife to exhibit by the most delicate, 
 but most profound respect, how highly she 
 is capable of valuing her husband, indepen- 
 dently of all those adventitious circumstances, 
 according to which he has been valued by 
 the world. It is here that the dignity of man 
 is most apt to give way here that his stout 
 heart fails him and here then it must be 
 woman's part to build him up. Not, as many 
 are too apt to suppose, merely to comfort him 
 by her endearments, but actually to raise him 
 in his own esteem, to restore to him his esti- 
 mate of his moral worth, and to convince him 
 that it is beyond the power of circumstances 
 to degrade an upright and an honest man, 
 
 And, alas ! how much of this is needed in 
 the present day ! Could the gay and thought- 
 less Daughters of England know for what 
 situations they are training could they 
 know how often it will become their duty to 
 assume the character of the strong, in order 
 to support the weak, they would surely begin 
 betimes to think of these things ; and to study 
 the different workings of the human heart, 
 so as to be able to manage even its master- 
 chords, without striking them too rudely, or 
 with a hand too little skilled. 
 
 And after all, this great dignity of man, is 
 not much of it artificial, or at least put on 
 like a robe of state to answer an especia 
 end? Yes; and a pitiful and heart-rending 
 spectacle it is, to see the weakness of man'; 
 heart disrobed of all its mantling pride the 
 
 utter nakedness, I might almost say, for wo- 
 man has ever something left to conceal her 
 destitution. In the multitude of her resour- 
 ces she has also a multitude of alleviations 
 to her distress ; but man has nothing. In 
 his humiliation he is like a blighted tree. 
 The birds of the air no longer nestle in its 
 boughs, the weary traveller no longer sits 
 down to rest beneath its shade. Nothing is 
 ieft to it but the clinging ivy, to cover with 
 freshness and beauty its ruin and decay. 
 
 It is said of woman that her imagination 
 is easily captivated, that she is won by the 
 hero's fame, and led on by her love of glory 
 and distinction to follow in the sunny path 
 of the illustrious or the great Jut far more 
 fatal to the peace of woman, more influential 
 upon her conduct, more triumphant in their 
 mastery over her whole being, are the tears 
 and helplessness of man, when his proud 
 spirit sinks within him, or when he flies from 
 his compeers in the race of glory, to bury his 
 shame, and perhaps his guilt, in her bosom. 
 
 I will not ask how often, after this exhibi- 
 tion of his weakness, after regaining his post 
 of honor, and being received again a com- 
 petitor for distinction, he 'has forgotten the 
 witness of his humiliation ; but I believe it 
 is only as a wife, a mother, or a sister, that 
 woman can be this friend to man, with safety 
 to herself, and with certainty that he will not 
 afterwards rather avoid than seek her, from 
 the feeling that she has beheld him shorn of 
 his dignity, and is consequently able to re- 
 mind him of the humiliating past For the 
 wife it might also be a dangerous experiment, 
 even in her fondest and most unguarded mo- 
 ments, to make any allusion to scenes and 
 circumstances of this description ; especially 
 to presume upon having necessarily assumed 
 at such times the stronger and more impor- 
 tant part. When her husband chooses to be 
 dignified again, and is capable of maintain- 
 ing that dignity, she must adapt herself to 
 the happy change, and fall back into com- 
 parative insignificance, just as if circum- 
 stances had never given her a momentary 
 superiority over him. 
 
 The peculiarity already alluded to as a
 
 30 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 characteristic of men, and as leading them to 
 attach more importance to what is immediate 
 and tangible, than what is remote or ideal, 
 is one which renders them particularly liable 
 to deception, or rather to be, what is more 
 properly called, practised upon, than directly 
 deceived ; so much so, that I believe any 
 woman who could manage her own temper, 
 might manage her husband, provided she 
 possessed his affections. I say migJit, be- 
 cause the mode of management by such 
 means would be utterly revolting to a gen- 
 erous and upright mind. Thus, by fair 
 speech and smooth manners, accompanied 
 with servile and flattering subserviency in 
 little things? some artful women have con- 
 trived to win their way to the accomplish- 
 ment of almost every wish ; when a single 
 rash or hasty word, especially if it implied 
 an assumption of the right to choose, would 
 have effectually defeated their ends. 
 
 I have listened much when men have 
 been discussing the merits of women, and 
 have never heard any quality so universally 
 commended by the nobler sex, as quietness ; 
 while the opposite demerit of a tongue too 
 loud, too ready, or too importunate in its ex- 
 ertions, has been as universally condemned. 
 Thus I am inclined to think that silence in 
 general, and smooth speech when language 
 must be used, are ranked by most men 
 amongst the highest excellences of the fe- 
 male character; while on the other hand, 
 those wordy weapons sometimes so injudi- 
 ciously made use of, are of all things what 
 they most abhor. 
 
 If, however, an artful woman finds it easy 
 to practise upon her husband by the immedi- 
 ate instrumentality of a manner suited to his 
 taste, this mean and degrading system of 
 working out an end, becomes more difficult 
 in proportion to the frequency of its detection, 
 until at last, some men are brought to sus- 
 pect that all women act indirectly in every 
 thing they do. Hence comes that frequent 
 answer when we ask a simple question mere- 
 ly for the sake of information " Why do you 
 wish to know?" as if it were impossible for 
 women to be deeply interested where they 
 
 had no end to serve, and as if there must of 
 necessity be some hidden motive concealed 
 behind that which is made apparent This 
 habitual retort falls hardly upon those who 
 never have deserved it, and not unfre- 
 quently forms a serious obstacle in the way 
 of obtaining useful knowledge ; but it is 
 greatly to be feared that such an expression, 
 with the suspicion it implies, would never 
 have become habitual to men, had not the 
 general conduct of women brought this just 
 punishment upon them. 
 
 Indeed, there is something revolting to 
 man's very nature in having to calculate 
 upon that kind of petty artifice which takes 
 advantage of unwariness and credulity, for 
 working out a purpose, even where that pur- 
 pose may not in itself be wrong. And here 
 we are brought at once to that great leading 
 peculiarity in man's character his nobility, 
 or, in other words, his exemption from those 
 innumerable littlenesses which obscure the 
 beauty, and sully the integrity of woman's 
 life. From all their underhand contrivances, 
 their secret envyings, and petty spite, man 
 is exempt ; so much so, that the mere con- 
 templation of the broad clear basis of his 
 moral character, his open truth, his single- 
 ness of aim, and, above all, his dignified for- 
 bearance under provocation, might often put 
 the weaker sex to shame. 
 
 I am aware that there is much in the situ- 
 ation of both parties to create this difference ; 
 that undisputed power to will, and to act, is 
 often accompanied by a kind of moral ma- 
 jesty, which a weaker spirit never can at- 
 tain, while kept in bondage, either by fear or 
 by absolute restraint. I am aware too, that 
 boys, from their very infancy, are accustomed 
 to a mode of treatment as much calculated 
 to make them determined, frank, and bold, as 
 that of girls is to induce the opposite ex- 
 tremes of weakness, artifice, and timid help- 
 lessness ; but even with these allowances, I 
 am persuaded there are broad clear features 
 in the moral dignity of man, which it is im- 
 possible to contemplate in their strength and 
 reality, without respect and admiration. 
 
 And a sacred and ennobling trust it is for
 
 BEHAVIOR TO HUSBANDS. 
 
 31 
 
 woman to have the happiness of such a be- 
 ing committed to her charge a holy privi- 
 lege to be the chosen companion of his lot 
 
 to come with her helplessness and weakness 
 to find safety under his protection, and to re- 
 pose her own perturbed and troubled mind 
 beneath the shelter of his love. 
 
 What then, if by perpetual provocation 
 she should awake the tempest of his wrath ! 
 We will not contemplate the thought, for 
 there is something as fearful in his indigna- 
 tion, as there is attractive in his kindness, 
 and flattering in his esteem. 
 
 Nor, in return for this kindness, are we ac- 
 customed to feel gratitude enough ; for take 
 away from social life not only the civility, but 
 the actual service done by men, in removing 
 difficulty, protecting weakness, and assisting 
 in distress, in what a joyless, helpless world 
 would women find themselves, left only to the 
 slender aid, and the tender mercies of each 
 other ! 
 
 It is too much regarded merely as a thing 
 of course, for men to be obliging and atten- 
 tive ; and it is too little remembered at what 
 cost to them we purchase their help and their 
 indulgence. Nor is it only in solitary instan- 
 ces, or for especial favorites, that these efforts 
 have to be made. It is the sacrifice of a 
 Thole lifetime for a man to be polite. There 
 is no fireside so warm, but he must leave it 
 on a winter's night to walk home with some 
 female visitor, who has probably no charm 
 for him There is no situation so eligible, 
 but he mast resign it if required. There is 
 no difficulty he must not encounter, no fatigue 
 he must not endure, and no gratification he 
 must not give up ; and for whom 1 All would 
 do this perhaps for one being in the world 
 perhaps for more ; but to be willing to do it 
 every day and every hour, even for the most 
 repulsive, or the most selfish and requiring 
 of their sex there is a martyrdom of self in 
 all this, which puts to shame the partial kind- 
 ness and disinterestedness of woman. 
 
 It may be said that the popularity of po- 
 liteness affords at once its incentive, and jts 
 reward. But whence then do we receive 
 those many private acts of unrequited ser- 
 
 vice, when no other eye is there but ours to 
 witness no other tongue to praise! and 
 when we ourselves would probably have 
 been the last recipients of such favor, had 
 our companion chosen to assume the right 
 of selecting an object better suited to his 
 taste 1 
 
 It is from considerations such as these, and 
 I would wish to impress them upon every fe- 
 male mind, that I have not included the self- 
 ishness of man among his peculiarities, though 
 some might think the case would warrant a 
 notice of this nature. Yet such is my con- 
 viction, that man has much to bear with 
 from the capriciousness of woman ; such is 
 my grateful estimate of his uncalculating 
 kindness, not less to be admired because it is 
 expected and required; such too has been 
 my own experience of his general willingness 
 to oblige, where there was little to attract, 
 and still less to reward ; that whatever may 
 be said by others, it would ill become me to 
 lift up a voice, and that a public one, against 
 the selfishness of men. 
 
 Let us rather look again at that nobility of 
 which I have already spoken, and while we 
 blush to feel the stirrings of an inferior spirit 
 prompting us to many an unworthy thought 
 and act, let us study to assimilate our nature, 
 in all that is truly excellent, with his, who 
 was at first expressly formed in the image of 
 his Maker. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 BEHAVIOR TO HUSBANDS. 
 
 LEST the reader should suppose, from the 
 heading of this chapter, that the management 
 of husbands is what is really meant, I must 
 at once disclaim all pretension to this particu- 
 lar kind of skill ; not because I do not think 
 it capable of being carried out into a system, 
 whereby every woman might become the ac- 
 tual ruler in her own domestic sphere, but 
 because I consider the system itself a bad 
 one, and utterly unworthy of being applied
 
 32 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 to any but the most extreme cases of unrea- 
 sonableness on the husband's part. 
 
 With regard to the treatment of husbands, 
 then, so great is the variety of character to 
 be taken into account that it would be impos- 
 sible to lay down any rule of universal appli- 
 cation, except upon the broad principles of 
 kind feeling, integrity, and common sense. 
 Still there are hints which may be thrown 
 out, it is to be hoped, with benefit to the in- 
 experienced ; and many of these will refer 
 again to the peculiarity already dwelt upon 
 in the foregoing chapter. The tendency in 
 men which has been described as rendering 
 them peculiarly liable to be impressed by 
 what is evident to their senses, must ever be 
 consulted by the wife who would adapt her- 
 self to her husband's mood and character ; 
 and although these may vary in every indi- 
 vidual, and in the same may change with 
 every difference of time and place, it be- 
 comes the duty of a wife, and one would 
 suppose it must also be her pleasure, studi- 
 ously to observe what those things are, which 
 habitually strike the attention of her husband, 
 so as to convey to him immediate impres- 
 sions of pleasure or of pain ; remembering 
 ever, that all indirect evidence of our tastes 
 and wishes having been consulted, even in 
 our absence, is one of the most grateful of- 
 ferings that can be made to every human 
 heart 
 
 Thus the general appearance of his home 
 has much to do with the complacency man 
 naturally feels on returning to it If his 
 taste is for neatness and order, for the ab- 
 sence of servants, and for perfect quiet, it 
 would be absolute cruelty to allow such a 
 man to find his house in confusion, and to 
 have to call in servants to clear this thing 
 and the other away after his return, as if he 
 had never once been thought of, or at least 
 thought of with kindness and consideration, 
 until he was actually seen. 
 
 Some men particularly enjoy the cheerful 
 welcome of a clean hearth and blazing fire, 
 on a winter's day ; and all are more or less 
 solicitous to stir the glowing embers them- 
 selves, rather than to see them stirred by 
 
 others. I knew an excellent woman who al- 
 ways had her fire built up in such a manner 
 before her husband came home, as to present 
 a tempting crust for him to break through 
 on his arrival ; and I much question whether 
 the good lady was not more loved for this 
 simple act, than she would have been, had 
 her husband found his fire neglected, and 
 herself engaged in tears and prayers for his 
 individual welfare. 
 
 But here again we recognise no general 
 rule, for some men unquestionably there are, 
 who would much prefer that their coals 
 should be forthcoming on a future day, than 
 thus unnecessarily expended in a bonfire to 
 welcome their return. 
 
 Again, it is of little use that you esteem 
 and reverence your husband in the secret of 
 your heart, if you do not by your manners, 
 both at home and abroad, evince this pro- 
 per deference and regard. At home it is but 
 fitting that the master of the house should be 
 considered as entitled to the choice of every 
 personal indulgence, unless indisposition or 
 suffering on the part of the wife render such 
 indulgences more properly her due ; but even 
 then they ought to be received as a favor, 
 rather than claimed as a right 
 
 Women, in the present day, and in houses 
 furnished as English homes generally are, 
 may enjoy so many advantages in the way 
 of pampering the body, from which mers and 
 especially those engaged in business, are de- 
 barred, that they can well afford to give up 
 some of these indulgences to those chey love ; 
 and few indeed would not rather see them 
 thus enjoyed, than appropriated exclusively 
 to themselves. 
 
 There is, however, one great difficulty in 
 connection with this duty, which it is to be 
 hoped all persons are not, like the writer, un- 
 able to solve. It is in the important question 
 of self-sacrifice, how far this virtue ought to 
 extend in the treatment of husbands. There 
 is certainly nothing more beautiful to read of 
 in books ; and could every act of self-sacri- 
 fice be seen and appreciated, there would be 
 nothing more delightful to practise towards 
 those we love. But the question is, does it
 
 BEHAVIOR TO HUSBANDS. 
 
 33 
 
 tell in any high degree upon the happiness 
 of man ? Observation of the world would 
 lead to the conclusion that it does not, for 
 where one husband's heart has been soften- 
 ed with gratitude on discovering how much 
 his wife has suffered and denied herself for 
 his sake, ten times that number of women 
 have been wounded to the very soul at not 
 having their acts of self-sacrifice valued ac- 
 cording to their cost. 
 
 The fact is, men in general do not see these 
 things, unless told of their existence ; and 
 then at once their charm is destroyed. Is it 
 not better, then, to be a little more sparing of 
 such acts, than to do them, and then grudge 
 the expenditure of feeling they require ; or to 
 do them, and then complain of the punish- 
 ment they inflict 1 Besides which, some luck- 
 less women go on in this way, until more and 
 more is expected of them ; the husband, in 
 his ignorance of the state of things behind 
 the scenes, never dreaming of what is ac- 
 tually suffered, but rather proposing, in his 
 innocence, that as one thing has been so 
 comfortably given up, another should follow, 
 until at last there bursts upon his unhappy 
 head a perfect storm of feeling, from her who 
 would willingly have been a martyr for his 
 sake, would he only have observed and pi- 
 tied what she was enduring for him. 
 
 On the other hand, those women who 
 calmly and equitably maintain their rights, 
 for rights all women have ; who, acting upon 
 the broad principle of yielding what is due 
 from a wife to a husband, make a clear dis- 
 tinction betwixt that, and what would be ex- 
 pected by a tyrant from his slave ; who make 
 themselves cheerful and comfortable with 
 what it is proper for them to enjoy, neither 
 withholding what they ought to give up, nor 
 giving up what they cannot afford to lose 
 such women are upon the whole to be pre 
 ferred as companions, and certainly they are 
 themselves exempt from a world of woundec 
 feeling, under which the more romantically 
 generous are perpetually suffering, and at th 
 same time weeping and lamenting that the) 
 do so. 
 
 There is, however, a most delicate mediurr 
 
 n these cases to be observed, for when once 
 vomari loses the disinterested generosity of 
 her character, she loses her greatest charm ; 
 nd when she becomes a stickler for rights, 
 or a monopolizer of good things, presuming 
 upon her greater requirements as being a 
 more delicate and fragile being than man, 
 she may indeed be said to have forfeited all 
 hat claims for her sex our interest and our 
 admiration. But, on the other hand, though 
 she may not be aware of it, there is a secret 
 and deep-seated selfishness in the wounded 
 feeling which accompanies a generous act, 
 on finding it not valued according to its cost. 
 Would it not then be wise to let this maxim 
 be our rule that none should give up more 
 than they are prepared to resign without 
 grudging, whether noticed and appreciated 
 or not 
 
 In my remarks upon the subject of self- 
 sacrifice, I would, of course, be understood 
 to refer only to those trifling and familiar af- 
 fairs in which the personal comfort of daily 
 life is concerned. The higher and more 
 sacred claims of trial and calamity with 
 which the experience of every human being 
 is occasionally checkered, admit neither of 
 doubt, calculation, nor delay. Here I canno 
 suppose it possible that a true-hearted woman 
 would feel the least reserve, for here it is her 
 sacred privilege to forget herself, to count no 
 item of her loss, to weigh no difficulty, anc 
 to shrink from no pain, provided she can suf 
 fer for, or even with, the companion whosi 
 existence is bound up with hers. 
 
 Whatever doubt may be entertained on the 
 subject of making self, and selfish gratifica 
 tion, subservient to a husband's tastes am 
 enjoyments, in all the little items of domestic 
 arrangement, there can be none with regard 
 to what is right in mixing in society either 
 with friends or strangers. It is here, the 
 privilege of a married woman to be able to 
 show, by the most delicate attentions, how 
 much she feels her husband's superiority to 
 herself, not by mere personal services offi- 
 ciously rendered, as if for the purpose of dis- 
 play, but by a respectful reference to his 
 opinion, a willingly imposed silence when he
 
 ;u 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 speaks, and, if he be an enlightened man, by 
 a judicious turn sometimes given to the con- 
 versation, so that his information and intelli- 
 gence may be drawn forth for the benefit of 
 others. 
 
 It is true that a considerable portion of tact 
 is required to manage such matters as these, 
 without appearing to manage them at all ; for 
 if the husband is once made to suspect that 
 his- wife is practising upon him for the pur- 
 pose of showing how good a wife she is, his 
 situation will scarcely be more agreeable than 
 that of the man who is made ajnere lackey 
 of in company, and called hither and thither 
 to do little personal services for his wife, as 
 if she had mistaken him for one of her ser- 
 vants, or, what is more likely, had chosen 
 this means of exhibiting her unbounded in- 
 fluence over him. 
 
 Both these extremes are at variance with 
 good taste, to say nothing of right feeling ; 
 and here, as in innumerable instances besides, 
 we see, that if the tact I have so highly re- 
 commended in a previous work, be valuable 
 before marriage, it is infinitely more so after- 
 wards. Indeed there is scarcely one among 
 the various embellishments of female charac- 
 ter, not even the highest accomplishments 
 exhibited by the most distinguished belle, 
 which may not, in some way or other, be 
 rendered a still more exquisite embellishment 
 to married life, provided only it is kept in its 
 proper place, and made always subservient 
 to that which is more estimable. 
 
 Thus the most fastidious taste, when em- 
 ployed in selecting what is agreeable to a 
 husband's fancy, becomes ennobled to its pos- 
 sessor ; while those accomplishments, which 
 in the crowded drawing-room were worse 
 than useless in their display, may sometimes 
 be accounted as actual wealth, to her who 
 has the good feeling to render them condu- 
 cive to the amusement or the happiness of 
 her own fireside. 
 
 On the other hand, it is painful to hear the 
 complaint so frequently made by married men, 
 that their wives have ceased to touch the in- 
 strument whose keys were rendered so sweet- 
 ly available in the great object of charming 
 
 before marriage ; and, did not kindness or 
 delicacy forbid a further disclosure of the se- 
 crets of their lot, there is doubtless a still 
 greater number who could speak feelingly of 
 their regret, that the air of careful neatness, 
 the becoming dress, and the general attract- 
 iveness of look and manner, which first won 
 their attention, had been gradually laid aside, 
 as advancing years and increasing cares had 
 rendered them more necessary as an addi- 
 tional charm to the familiar scenes of domes- 
 tic life. 
 
 Yet in spite of appearances, it is scarcely 
 possible to imagine how there should be, in 
 any other situation, so natural and so delight- 
 ful a display of personal attractions as at 
 home, and before the one being whom of all 
 the world we love best ; especially when we 
 reflect that his destiny being bound up with 
 ours, if we allow him to feel weary of our 
 company, annoyed by our absurdities, or dis- 
 satisfied with our personal appearance, he 
 must at the same time suffer doubly from 
 the mortifying conviction, that these things 
 are to remain the -same to him throughout 
 the whole of his future life or ours. 
 
 What then so natural and so congenial to 
 the best feelings of woman, as to render this 
 long future as pleasing in its aspect as she 
 can 1 and what so degrading, and so utterly 
 at variance with the beauty of the female 
 character, as, having once secured a legal 
 claim to the protection of a husband, ever 
 afterwards to neglect those personal attrac- 
 tions, which comparatively few women have 
 to be charged with neglecting in their single 
 state 1 Yet of what importance is it to the 
 careless observer we meet with in general 
 society, how we dress, or whether we look 
 well or ill, compared with what it is to the 
 man who has to see us, and perhaps us alone, 
 seated opposite to him at every meal ! Of 
 what importance is it to the stranger that we 
 play badly, or do not play at all that we 
 draw Without taste, and have never learned 
 to converse with sprightliness and ease ] His 
 happiness is Vi no way dependent upon us. 
 He can turn away, and forget us the next 
 moment. But the case assumes a widely
 
 BEHAVIOR TO HUSBANDS. 
 
 35 
 
 different character, when we look at it as 
 extending through each separate hour of a 
 long lifetime ; and surely if there be a natu- 
 ral exultation in having charmed an indiffer- 
 ent person ; or even a whole party, for an 
 hour, there must be a higher, and far more 
 reasonable satisfaction, in being able to be- 
 guile a husband of his cares, to win him from 
 society which might divert his thoughts from 
 home, and to render that home, not only the 
 scene of his duties, but of his favorite amuse- 
 ments, and his dearest joys. 
 
 To this high purpose every intellectual at- 
 tainment should also be made conducive, for 
 there is much in the life of men, and particu- 
 larly where business engages their attention, 
 to lower and degrade the mind. There is 
 much to render it purely material in its aims 
 and calculations ; and there is much also, in 
 man's public intercourse with his fellow-man, 
 to render him eager and monopolizing in that 
 which centres in himself; while at the same 
 time he is regardless or distrustful of others. 
 As a rational, accountable, and immortal be- 
 ing, he consequently needs a companion who 
 will be supremely solicitous for the advancfc- 
 ment of his intellectual, moral, and spiritual 
 nature; a companion who will raise the tone 
 of his mind from the low anxieties, and vulgar 
 cares which necessarily occupy so large a 
 portion of his existence, and lead his thoughts 
 to expatiate or repose on those subjects which 
 convey a feeling of identity with a higher state 
 of existence beyond this present life. 
 
 Instead of this, how often does the wife re- 
 ceive home her weary husband, to render 
 him still more weary, by an outpouring of all 
 the gossip she has heard through the day, of 
 the observations she has made upon her 
 neighbor's furniture and way of living, of the 
 personal attentions or slights she has received, 
 with a long catalogue of complaints against 
 her servants, and, worse than all, ten thou- 
 sand reasons, strengthened by that day's ex- 
 perience, why she should be indulged~with 
 some favorite article of dress or luxury, upon 
 which her heart has long been set ! 
 
 It may be said in vindication of this mode 
 of conduct, that the occupations of men of 
 
 business in the present day are such, and so 
 pressing, as to leave them little time, and per- 
 haps less inclination, for interesting them- 
 selves in subjects of apparently less urgent 
 and immediate importance ; and that, con- 
 sequently, all endeavor to give their minds a 
 bias in favor of nobler things, would be un- 
 availing. But in reply to this observation, I 
 would ask one question Have you made the 
 experiment] Have you ever tried whether 
 the introduction of a new idea, appropriately 
 and agreeably clothed, might not be made 
 quite as agreeable as the introduction of a 
 new article of diet, even dressed with the 
 nicest care? Have you then made the ex- 
 periment judiciously ? for here lies the secret 
 of all the good we can reasonably expect 
 If, for instance, you should begin to talk about 
 the stars, when your husband asks for his 
 slippers, or quote poetry when he wants his 
 dinner, the boldest enthusiast would scarcely 
 be wild enough to anticipate any very favor- 
 able result. 
 
 The first thing to be done in the attainment 
 of this high object, is to use what influence 
 you have so as not to lower or degrade the 
 habitual train of your husband's thoughts; 
 and the next is, to watch every eligible op- 
 portunity, and to use every suitable means, 
 of leading him to view his favorite subjects 
 in their broadest and most expansive light ; 
 while, at the same time, it is within the region 
 of woman's capabilities, to connect them, by 
 some delicate mode of association, with the 
 general bearing of a man's interests in this 
 world upon his interests in eternity. 
 
 It is extremely difficult in writing on this 
 subject to convey my exact meaning, or indeed 
 to avoid the charge of wishing to recommend, 
 instead of pleasant, easy, fireside chat, the 
 introduction of a dull, and dry, or perhaps 
 dogmatical discourse, than which, nothing 
 can be more opposed, both to the tastes and 
 the habits of the writer, as well as to her 
 ideas of the nice art of pleasing and doing 
 good at the same time. Indeed that mode 
 of conversation which I have been accus- 
 tomed to describe as talking on a large scale, 
 is, except on very important occasions, most
 
 36 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 inimical to the natural softness and attrac- 
 tiveness of woman. It is not, in fact, her 
 forte ; but belongs to a region of display in 
 which she cannot, or at least ought not, to 
 shine. The excellence of woman as regards 
 her conversation, consists rather of quick, and 
 delicate, and sometimes playful turns of 
 thought, with a lively and subtle apprehension 
 of the bearings, tendencies, and associations of 
 ideas ; so that the whole machinery of con- 
 versation, if I may be allowed to use such 
 an expression, may be made, by her good 
 management, to turn off from one subject, 
 and play upon another, as if by the direction 
 of some magic influence, which will ever be 
 preserved from detection by the tact of an 
 unobtrusive and sensitive nature. 
 
 It is in this manner, and this alone, that 
 women should evince their interest in those 
 great politioal questions which arise out of 
 the state of the times in which they live. 
 Not that they may be able to attach them- 
 selves to a party, still less that they may 
 make speeches either in public or in private ; 
 but that they may think and converse like 
 rational beings on subjects which occupy the 
 attention of the majority of mankind ; and it 
 is, perhaps, on these subjects that we see most 
 strikingly the wide difference betwixt the low 
 views so generally taken, and those which I 
 would so earnestly recommend. If, for exam- 
 ple, a wife would converse with her husband 
 about a candidate for the representation of the 
 place in which they live, she may, if she 
 choose, discuss the merits of the color which 
 his party wears, and wish it were some other, 
 as being more becoming ; she may tell with 
 delight how he bowed especially to her ; and 
 she may wish from her heart that the num- 
 ber of votes may be in his favor, because he 
 kissed her child, and called it the prettiest 
 he had ever seen. It is this kind of prattle 
 which may properly be described as small 
 talk, and which it is to be feared denotes a 
 littleness of soul. Yet this style of talk may 
 be, and sometimes is, applied by women to 
 all sorts of subjects, not excepting politics, 
 philosophy, and even religion. But, on the 
 other hand, there is an opposite style of con- 
 
 versation which may be used with equal scope 
 of application, on almost all subjects, whether 
 high or low: and it is a truth which the 
 peculiar nature of woman's mind renders her 
 admirably qualified to carry out through ordi- 
 nary life, that so intimately connected are our 
 thoughts and feelings, habits and pursuits, not 
 only with those of other beings of a similar 
 nature, but with a state of existence in which 
 that common nature will be more fully de- 
 veloped, that there is scarcely a fact presented 
 to our knowledge, which has not a connec- 
 tion, either immediate or remote, with some 
 great moral truth ; and scarcely a subject 
 brought under our consideration, which may 
 not be ennobled by conducing, in some way 
 or other, to the improvement of our moral 
 being. 
 
 It will readily be perceived, however, that 
 this exercise of the powers of conversation 
 would be utterly unattainable to a woman of 
 ignorant or vulgar mind that she would 
 alike be incapable of comprehending the de- 
 sirableness of the object, and the best mode 
 of its accomplishment. And here I would 
 again advert to an expression not unfre- 
 quently heard among young ladies, that they 
 do not wish to be clever ; by which we are 
 left to suppose, by their neglect of their own 
 minds, that they mean either well-informed, 
 or capable of judging rightly. Yet without 
 having paid considerable attention to the im- 
 provement and cultivation of their intellectual 
 powers, how will it be possible for them to 
 raise the general tone of thought and con- 
 versation at their own fireside 1 
 
 Although I am not one of those who at- 
 tach any high degree of importance to the 
 possession of great intBllectual endowments 
 in woman, because I believe such natural 
 gifts to have proved much more frequently 
 her bane than her blessing, and because they 
 are not the qualifications of female character 
 which conduce most to her own happiness 
 or the happiness of those around her ; yet 
 if there be any case in which a woman might 
 be forgiven, for entertaining an honest pride 
 in the superiority of her own talent, it would 
 be where she regarded it only as a means
 
 BEHAVIOR TO HUSBANDS. 
 
 37 
 
 of doing higher homage to her husband, and 
 bringing greater ability to bear upon the 
 advancement of his intellectual and moral 
 good. 
 
 Indeed, what is the possession of talent to 
 a woman, when considered in her own cha- 
 racter, separately, and alone ] The posses- 
 sion of a dangerous heritage a jewel which 
 cannot with propriety be worn a mine of 
 wealth which has no legitimate channel for 
 the expenditure of its vast resources. But 
 let her find this natural and lawful medium 
 for its exercise, and we see at once in what 
 an enviable position she is placed. We see 
 at once the height from which she can stoop, 
 the costliness of the sacrifices she is conse- 
 quently enabled to make, and the evidences, 
 no less valuable, which she can thus bring 
 forward as proofs of her affection. 
 
 Nothing, however, can be more delicate 
 and trying than the situation of such a wo- 
 man, and especially when her husband is 
 inferior to herself; but if he should be abso- 
 lutely silly, it would require more skill than 
 the writer of these pages can boast, to know 
 what mode of treating him to recommend ; 
 for build him up as you will before company, 
 and much may be done in this way by the 
 exercise of delicacy and tact, a truly grovel- 
 ling man will sink again, and there is no 
 help for it. The charitable conclusion i? 
 that a woman so situated must be content 
 to reap the consequences of her own folly, in 
 having made so unsuitable a choice. The 
 best friend on earth would be unable to as- 
 sist her, nor could the sagest counsel rectify 
 her mistake. 
 
 In the case of a highly-gifted woman, even 
 where there is an equal or superior degree 
 of talent possessed by her husband, nothing 
 can be more injudicious, or more fatal to her 
 happiness, than an exhibition even of the 
 least disposition to presume upon such gifts. 
 Let her husband be once subjected to a feel- 
 ing of jealousy of her importance, which, 
 without the strictest watchfulness, will be 
 liable to arise, and her peace of mind and 
 her free agency are alike destroyed for the 
 remainder of her life ; or at any rate, until 
 
 she can convince him afresh, by a long con- 
 tinuance of the most scrupulous conduct, 
 that the injury committed against him was 
 purely accidental, and foreign alike to her 
 feelings and her inclinations. 
 
 Until this desirable end is accomplished, 
 vain will be all her efforts to render homage 
 to her husband as a superior. He will re- 
 gard all such attempts as acts of condescen- 
 sion, assumed for no other purpose than that 
 of showing how gracefully she can stoop. 
 In vain may she then endeavor to assist or 
 direct his judgment ; he will in such a case 
 most naturally prefer to thwart her, for the 
 purpose of proving his own independence 
 and his power. 
 
 The same observations will apply, though 
 in a milder degree, to cases in which there 
 have been any great advantages of wealth 
 or station on the side of the wife. The most 
 unselfish and generous consideration, ac- 
 companied with the strictest care, are neces- 
 sary here to avoid giving occasion of offence 
 to that manly pride which startles at nothing 
 so much as owing dignity to a woman, and 
 being reminded of the obligation. 
 
 But if, on the one hand, this situation 
 presents a narrow and critical walk with re- 
 gard to action, on the other, it affords a 
 boundless and delightful field in which feel- 
 ing may expatiate ; for it is scarcely possible 
 to imagine any consciousness more happy 
 than that of having been the means of con- 
 ferring affluence or honor upon the being 
 we most love : and if the consequences are 
 such as lead to a trembling apprehension of 
 being perpetually liable to give pain, they 
 also admit of a noble exultation in being en- 
 abled by the same means to give an adequate 
 degree of pleasure. 
 
 With this feeling subdued by Christian 
 meekness, and cherished only in her "hear 
 of hearts," it might almost be forgiven to any 
 woman secretly to exult in being favorably 
 distinguished ; for to render illustrious a be- 
 loved name, and to shed a glory around an 
 honored brow, is at once the most natural, 
 and the noblest ambition, of which the female 
 , mind is capable.
 
 38 
 
 THE WIVES OF EXGLA.M). 
 
 In order to render more clear and definite 
 the observations which have been called Ibrth 
 by the subject of this chapter, it has been al- 
 most necessary to act the ungracious part of 
 pointing out instances of failure, rather than 
 success. This has been done, however, with 
 the most sincere belief, that such instances, 
 notwithstanding the frequency of their occur- 
 rence, arise, for the most part, entirely out of 
 ignorance, or want of thought and observa- 
 tion, and are as frequently accompanied by 
 an amiable and praiseworthy desire to be in 
 all things, such a friend and companion as a 
 reasonable husband would wish. 
 
 And after all, what is it that man seeks in 
 the companionship of woman ? An influ- 
 ence like the gentle dew, and the cheering 
 light, more felt throughout the whole of his 
 existence, in its softening, healing, harmon- 
 izing power; than acknowledged by any sin- 
 gle act, or recognised by any certain rule. 
 It is in fact a being to come home to, in the 
 happiest sense of that expression. 
 
 Poetic lays of ancient times were wont to 
 tell, how the bold warrior returning from the 
 fight would doff his plumed helmet, and, re- 
 posing from his toils, lay bare his weary 
 limbs, that woman's hand might pour into 
 their wounds the healing balm. But never 
 wearied knight, nor warrior covered with 
 the dust of battle-field, was more in need of 
 woman's soothing power, than are those 
 care-worn sons of toil, who struggle for the 
 bread of life, in our more peaceful and en- 
 lightened days. And still, though the ro- 
 mance of the castle, the helmet, the waving 
 plume, and the 
 
 " Clarion wild and high," 
 
 may all have vanished from the scene ; the 
 charm of woman's influence lives as brightly 
 in the picture of domestic joy, as when she 
 placed the wreath of victory on the hero's 
 brow. Nay, more so, for there are deeper 
 sensibilities at work, thoughts more profound, 
 and passions more intense, in our great 
 theatre of intellectual and moral strife ; than 
 where the contest was for martial fame, and 
 force of arms procured for each competitor 
 his share of glory, or of wealth. 
 
 Amongst all the changes which have taken 
 place in the condition of mankind, it is then 
 not the least of woman's privileges, that her 
 influence remains the same, except only as 
 it is deepened and perfected as her own 
 character approaches towards perfection. It 
 is not the least of her privileges, that she can 
 still be all to man which his necessities re- 
 quire ; that he can retire from the tumult of 
 the world, and seek her society with a zest 
 which nothing can impair, so long as she re- 
 ceives him with a true and faithful heart 
 true to the best and kindest impulses of 
 which her nature is capable ; and faithful to 
 the sacred trust committed to her care. 
 
 And that it is so, how many an English 
 home can witness how many a fireside 
 welcome how many a happy meeting after 
 absence painfully prolonged ! Yes, there are 
 scenes within the sacred precincts of the 
 household hearth, which, not the less be- 
 cause no stranger's eye beholds them, repay, 
 and richly too, dark days of weary conflict, 
 and long nights of anxious care. But who 
 shall paint them 7 Are they not graven on 
 the hearts of English wives? and those who 
 hold the picture there, in all its beauty, vivid- 
 ness, and truth, would scarcely wish to draw 
 aside the veil, which screens it from the world. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 CONFIDENCE AND TRUTH. 
 
 WITH regard to the behavior of wives to- 
 wards their husbands, there is one great end 
 to be attained, so unmeasurably beyond all 
 others in its influence upon their happiness 
 and their usefulness, that all which is requi- 
 site for the promotion of their true interest, 
 might be summed up in this one recommend- 
 ation that the wife should endeavor, before 
 every other earthly thing, and next to the 
 salvation of her soul, to obtain and keep her 
 husband's confidence. Without this, the 
 marriage tie is indeed a galling chain ; and 
 the woman who sul'jects herself to it, less en- 
 viable than a real slave. With this with
 
 BEHAVIOR TO HUSBANDS. 
 
 39 
 
 he perfect trust of ajiobler nature reposing 
 on her own, woman is raised to a degree of 
 moral elevation, which, in her single state, 
 she never could have known ; and if her 
 own disposition be generous and grateful, she 
 will feel it a sacred obligation not to abuse 
 this trust. 
 
 But the great and important question arises, 
 low is this trust to be secured 1 ! With the 
 most ardent desire to enjoy this, the chief 
 good of married life, and the foundation up- 
 on which all its happiness must rest, there 
 are two ways in which woman may effectu- 
 ally fail intellectually, and morally. In the 
 first, she may fail from want of knowledge ; 
 in the second, from want of principle. 
 
 In the first instance, whatever there may 
 be in her conduct or conversation exhibiting 
 a want of judgment, of that perception of 
 fitness and adaptation, which is invaluable in 
 the female character, and of a proper ac- 
 quaintance with common things, is calculated 
 to weaken the confidence of her husband in 
 her ability, whatever her inclination may be, 
 to make a good wife, a prudent mistress, or 
 a judicious mother. It is in vain complain- 
 ing that this sentence is a hard one, when 
 her heart is right, and when she really does 
 her best. It is in vain complaining that her 
 husband does not trust her, either with the 
 knowledge of his affairs, or the management 
 of her own. Confidence in one being is not 
 a matter of choice in another. It is what we 
 ourselves must purchase by an absence of 
 failure on those points, in which the interests 
 of another party are dependent upon us. 
 
 If, then, a husband finds in his wife a de- 
 gree of ignorance which renders her incapa- 
 ble of judging rightly in common things, if 
 he finds that she has never made any proper 
 use of her powers of observation, that she 
 has not been in the habit of thinking to any 
 rational purpose, of discriminating, compar- 
 ing, or drawing right conclusions from what 
 she has seen and heard, it would be hard in- 
 deed to require him to believe that she will 
 act with prudence and propriety as the mis- 
 tress of a house; and the natural conse- 
 quence is, that she must be watched, sus- 
 
 pected^jind in some degree treated as a 
 child. 
 
 If, therefore, in a previous work I have 
 earnestly recommended to the Daughters of 
 England an early, and diligent cultivation of 
 their mental powers, it has not been that such 
 mbellishments of character as are classed 
 under the head of "Cleverness, Learning, 
 and Knowledge," or " Taste, Tact, and Ob- 
 servation," should merely give zest to con- 
 versation, or throw an intellectual charm 
 over the society of the drawing-room ; it is 
 that the happy individual who possesses 
 these advantages, may, on becoming a wife, 
 become also a companion injwhom her hus- 
 band can perfectly, and at all times, confide. 
 There are, however, cases in which the 
 want of this confidence falls hardly, because 
 it is the inevitable result of circumstances, 
 over which the wife in her single state had 
 no control. One of these is where the mind 
 is naturally weak ; and here the wife would 
 certainly act most wisely, by placing her ac- 
 tions and opinions under the direction of her 
 husband, and allowing herself to be treated 
 accordingly. 
 
 But there arc also those, -who, from no 
 fault of their own, have, before marriage, en- 
 joyed few advantages as regards mental cul- 
 tivation. In this case, much may be done in 
 the way of making up for loss time ; and 
 where a studious desire to do so is evinced, 
 where a respectful and judicious reference to 
 the husband's opinion is sometimes made, 
 and at other times a still more judicious si- 
 lence observed, these proofs of good sense 
 and right feeling, will go a long way towards 
 obtaining the confidence desired. 
 
 But a far more serious, and it is to be 
 feared more frequent reason for the loss of 
 this invaluable treasure, is a moral one. And 
 here, so many causes meet and combine in 
 their operation, that it would require no com- 
 mon degree of knowledge of the human 
 heart to be able to point them out with per- 
 spicuity and effect. The first thing I shal 
 specify in relation to this part of the subjec 
 is, the essential importance there is, tha 
 every husband should feel himself perfectly
 
 40 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 \ 
 
 safe with his wife. " Safe !" exclaims the 
 worthy helpmeet, "with whom could he be 
 safe, if not with me? Do I not watch him, 
 care for him, and wait upon him with a so- 
 licitude that would screen him from every 
 approach of harm 1" All this may be true 
 enough, and yet you may occasionally have 
 taken advantage of your intimacy, for dis- 
 closing weaknesses on his part, which need not 
 otherwise have been known ; you may have 
 marked your occasion when company was 
 present, for throwing out hints against him, 
 which you dared not have uttered when 
 alone ; or jou may have betrayed an evident 
 triumph before your friends, or your servants, 
 on obtaining over him some advantage in 
 opinion, or argument 
 
 Although such offences as these may ap- 
 pear but very trifling items, when separately 
 enumerated, yet their number and variety 
 sometimes make up a sum of considerable 
 magnitude and importance, as they operate 
 upon individual feeling, and evince too clear- 
 ly a want of delicacy, generosity, or real af- 
 fection. They lead, in sfcort, to the very 
 natural feeling, on the part of the husband, 
 that his wife is not the bosom friend he had 
 fondly imagined her, that she knows no per- 
 fect identity of self with him, but has sepa- 
 rate interests to which he and his affairs are 
 liable at any time to be made subservient 
 
 I have already said, that the dignity of 
 man should always be studiously maintained ; 
 but there is also a delicate and respectful 
 manner of giving way to a husband in little 
 things, which is the surest means of obtaining 
 concessions on his part, in those which are 
 of greater moment, simply because, having 
 found his wife generally yielding, considerate, 
 and respectful to his wishes, he cannot sup- 
 pose she will differ from him without some 
 good and sufficient reason for doing so. 
 
 Upon the same principle, a wise woman 
 will never be too requiring. She will neither 
 demand from her husband those personal 
 services which are degrading to a man and a 
 gentleman, nor weary his patience by en- 
 deavoring to tease him out of every fault ; 
 for though the great end of marriage should 
 
 be mutual improvement, it is no more than 
 fair, that the wife should allow her husband 
 at least as many faults as he allows her. At 
 all events, when little defects of character, 
 and especially such as may be called consti- 
 tutional, are quietly and charitably borne 
 with, much strength is gained for making a 
 stand against those which are more serious ; 
 and the husband who is kindly permitted to 
 rest himself, if he chooses, in an awkward 
 position, and to wear an unbecoming coat be- 
 cause it is a favorite, will be all the more 
 likely, at the solicitation of his wife, to give 
 up habits which are really more objection- 
 able. 
 
 All individual peculiarities, which may not 
 exactly be called faults, should be conceded 
 to in the same manner ; always remembering, 
 that what we allow to men on the ground of 
 their love of importance and authority, they 
 equal, and often surpass, in what they yield 
 to our weakness, incapacity, and occasional 
 perverseness. There are many of these pecu- 
 liarities, that, like our own, might excite a de- 
 gree of ridicule, which, however, ought never 
 to extend beyond mere playfulness, and not 
 even so far as that, except where it is re- 
 ceived in the same spirit 
 
 If it were possible to whisper upon paper, 
 I should here avail myself of a convenient 
 aside, to hint that there is often a great deal 
 of unnecessary bustle and importance when 
 men have any thing to do. But why should 
 we mind that why should we not allow 
 them the satisfaction of feeling, that as re- 
 gards the little world in which they rule su- 
 premely, all space is theirs, and all time ? 
 and if we have not patience to look on, and 
 see the order of our house overturned, our 
 dinner waiting, our servants, called away 
 from their work, one to fetch paper, another 
 string, and a third to wait until the mighty 
 affair is complete ; we have at least the ad- 
 vantage, when the same thing has to be done 
 again, of taking the opportunity to do it our- 
 selves. 
 
 A respectful deportment, and a complying 
 disposition, evinced in these and similar 
 cases, with a general willingness to accom-
 
 CONFIDENCE AND TRUTH. 
 
 41 
 
 modate all household arrangements to a hus- 
 band's wishes, making every other consider- 
 ation subservient to his convenience, will en- 
 sure for the wife, who consistently does this, 
 a large portion of that confidence upon which 
 her influence and her happiness so much de- 
 pend. 
 
 But the greatest of all claims upon this 
 confidence has yet to be considered ; and 
 would there were no occasion, in relation to 
 this subject, so much as to whisper these 
 words into the ear of an English wife Never 
 deceive ! Were all men reasonable, tempta- 
 tions to do so would be infinitely less than 
 they are ; for difficult indeed is the lot of that 
 woman, who would act uprightly, whose 
 judgment and principles are good, and who 
 is yet thwarted by a narrow-minded, weak, 
 selfish, or low-principled man. 
 
 Let us imagine the case of such a wife, so 
 situated that her lord is absent for the greater 
 part of every day. Let us imagine her,' too, 
 surrounded by a family, having the interests 
 of children, servants, and dependents to care 
 for, and anxious to regulate the affairs of her 
 household according to the principles of jus- 
 tice and integrity. She has her own con- 
 science for her guide in all this, and if it be 
 an enlightened one, how is she to make all 
 her actions accord with the views of a hus- 
 band, who is unenlightened, perverse, or par- 
 tial, and perhaps jealous of her influence, and 
 consequently determined to thwart her plans'? 
 Yet how is she decidedly to oppose his 
 wishes, consistently with the respect which is 
 due from a wife 1 
 
 Surely the situation of such a woman, 
 could it be contemplated in all its difficulties, 
 and under all its gloomy shades, might be 
 sufficient to deter any one whose married 
 lot was not yet fixed, from risking her happi- 
 ness with such a man. 
 
 If a woman thus situated, could by any 
 honest means contrive to manage her hus- 
 band, so that he should not know it, I think 
 the wisest advocate for the supremacy of the 
 loftier sex, would scarcely deny her such a 
 privilege ; and unquestionably there are cases 
 in which unreasonable husbands are made 
 
 both happier and better, by being thus man- 
 aged. Besides, the general order of a house- 
 hold, the direction of servants, and the influ- 
 ence of masters and mistresses over their de- 
 pendents and inferiors, require that if good 
 sense, right feeling, and sound principles, 
 exist on one side, they should not be made 
 subservient to ignorance, prejudice, and ca- 
 price, on the other. 
 
 I have said that all women have their 
 rights, and it would be wise to begin early in 
 married life to act upon the principle, which 
 allows to every wife a little sphere of domes- 
 tic arrangements, with which the husband 
 shall not feel that he has any business to in- 
 terfere, except at her request, and into which 
 a reasonable man would riot wish to obtrude 
 his Authority, simply because the operations 
 necessary to be carried on in that department 
 of his household, are alike foreign to his un- 
 derstanding and his tastes. To submit every 
 little act of domestic management to the opin- 
 ion of a husband, would be unquestionably 
 to have one half of them at least either de- 
 feated in their object, or immediately inter- 
 dicted, from no other reason than pure ignor- 
 ance of their nature, cause, and effect. Thus, 
 unless a husband can feel sufficient confidence 
 in his wife, to allow her to rule with undis- 
 puted authority in this little sphere, her case 
 must be a pitiable one indeed. 
 
 I have repeated the word little, because I 
 believe it is from an ambitious desire to ex- 
 tend the limits of this sphere, that many have 
 brought trouble upon themselves, by having 
 their authority called in question, mpre than 
 it ever would have been, had they remained 
 satisfied with a narrower field for its exercise. 
 
 But delicacy, and strict fairness, are both 
 required on the part of the wife, to ensure to 
 herself this desirable allowance of free agency, 
 for she must remember, that her husband has 
 also his appropriate sphere of action, and a 
 much more extensive one than hers, in which 
 she has no right to interfere, because, as in 
 the case already stated, she is incapable of 
 understanding what is necessary there ; and 
 if on both sides there should be the exercise 
 of this delicacy and fairness, in avoiding all
 
 42 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 assumption of a right which does not exist, 
 it is impossible but that real affection should 
 dictate the mutual development of much, if 
 not all, which could interest the feelings of 
 either party. 
 
 Thus, there need be no positive conceal- 
 ment, for that is the last thing I would re- 
 commend ; but an open, honest, straightfor- 
 ward way of acting, as if each mind depended 
 upon the other, less for assistance in its own 
 sphere, than for perfect propriety of feeling, 
 and constant adherence to principle, in the 
 sphere to which it more properly belonged. 
 
 It is upon a right observance of distinctions 
 such as these, that the dignity and usefulness 
 of the marriage state in a great degree de- 
 pend from remembering that principle must 
 ever be the foundation of action ; but that 
 the open disclosure of every act and purpose, 
 must ever be a matter of choice ; and if re- 
 garded as such, there will be no doubt but 
 mutual love will supply information enough 
 to satisfy the most unbounded curiosity. 
 Thus it has never appeared to me, that the 
 free agency which a judicious wife should be 
 permitted to enjoy in her own department, 
 had any thing to do with concealment ; any 
 more than that the transactions in one public 
 office should be said to be concealed from 
 another, because each had its separate rooms 
 and officers. So far from this, I should rather 
 say that a generous nature, and especially 
 that of woman, when implicitly trusted to, 
 and made to feel that trust, will, from a sense 
 of grateful satisfaction, involuntarily disclose 
 its every plan, purpose, and act, not even 
 throwing a veil over its many failures and 
 short-comings in the way of discretion or duty. 
 
 Indeed, so powerful in its influence upon 
 the female character, is this feeling of being 
 trusted, that I have often thought if man 
 could know the heart of woman better, he 
 might almost guide it to his pleasure, by sim- 
 .ply using this master-key -to her gratitude 
 and generosity. But I must not forget, that 
 my business is with the behavior of wives to 
 their husbands, not with that far easier sub- 
 ject in a female hand, the behavior of hus- 
 bands to their wivee. 
 
 Among other points of consideration, com- 
 prehended under the general head of confi- 
 dence towards wives, there is one of such 
 paramount importance to the rectitude of 
 woman's conduct in her domestic affairs, that 
 were this one consideration all which had to 
 be taken into account, it would of itself be 
 well worth every endeavor to ensure so de- 
 sirable an end. I mean the open communi- 
 cation of the state of the husband's pecuniary 
 circumstances to his wife ; for I can scarcely 
 imagine any thing more congenial to the best 
 feelings of a faithful wife, than to be made 
 the partaker of all the interest and enjoyment 
 her husband derives from prosperity and suc- 
 cess ; while, on the other hand, there is no 
 greater cruelty, than that of allowing a wo- 
 man of good principles and right feelings, to 
 go on ignorantly conducting her household 
 expenses, in a manner inconsistent with the 
 real state of his affairs, when they are in any 
 degree depressed or involved in difficulty. 
 
 Yet how often has this been the case ! 
 How often has an honest-hearted woman had 
 to bear the charge of having been in reality 
 dishonest to her husband's creditors, when 
 ignorance, not want of principle, was the 
 cause ! Besides which, how much may be 
 done by domestic economy, and by a consist- 
 ently meek and unpretending deportment, 
 if not exactly to avert the calamity of a ruin- 
 ed house, at least to alleviate the wounded 
 and bitter feelings which naturally arise 
 among those who are the greatest sufferers. 
 
 The present day is one which claims pecu- 
 liar attention to this subject ; and if from any 
 fault in the wife, from any betrayal of her 
 husband's secrets, any artifice or trickery 
 practised against himself, any assumption 
 of unbecoming importance on her part, any 
 want of consideration for his feelings, or fool- 
 ish and presumptuous interference with mat- 
 ters peculiarly his own if from any of these 
 causes, she has shut herself out from his con- 
 fidence, now, before it shall be too late, is the 
 time to begin a new system of behavior, for 
 which she may eventually be rewarded by 
 being admitted into his bosom-counsels, and 
 thus allowed to share, not onlv in all the
 
 CONFIDENCE AND TRUTH. 
 
 hopes and fears arising out of the fluctua- 
 ting nature of pecuniary affairs ; but also in 
 those nobler acts of self-denial, which accom- 
 pany sound and enlightened views of the re- 
 quirements of justice, in all transactions of 
 a pecuniary character. 
 
 What, then, of such importance as to ob- 
 tain the perfect and confiding trust of the 
 companion with whom, or for whom, you 
 have to act in every thing you do 1 and in 
 order to this happy attainment, nothing is so 
 essential as that you should yourself be true. 
 
 There is a spirit of truth and a spirit of 
 falsehood, pervading many of those actions, 
 which could not be said to be either true or 
 false in themselves. Yet, according to the 
 choice we make betwixt these, our behavior 
 will be upright, candid, generous, and free ; 
 or it will be servile, artful, selfish, and. cow- 
 ardly. It does not follow, in order to practise 
 falsehood, that we must deviate from the ex- 
 act letter of truth. There are methods of 
 deceiving, as many, and as various, as the 
 circumstances which checker our experience 
 every day ; and if a conscientious adherence 
 to truth is not made the rule of daily life, one 
 act of duplicity will grow out of another, un- 
 til the whole conduct becomes a tissue of ar- 
 tifice and deceit. 
 
 The first and most innocent step towards 
 falsehood is concealment Before our com- 
 mon acquaintances, there is wisdom in prac- 
 tising concealment to a certain extent; but 
 where the intimacy is so great, the identity 
 so close, as between a husband and a wife, 
 concealment becomes a sort of breach of 
 faith ; and with parties thus situated, the 
 very act of concealment can only be kept up 
 by a series of artful endeavors to ward off 
 suspicion or observation of the thing con- 
 cealed. 
 
 Now, when a husband discovers, as in all 
 probability he will, unless these endeavors 
 are carried out to a very great extent when 
 he discovers that his wife has been conceal- 
 ing one thing from him, he very naturally 
 supposes that she has concealed many more ; 
 and his suspicions will be awakened in pro- 
 portion. It will then be in vain to assure 
 
 him that your motive was good, that what 
 you did was only to spare him pain, or afford 
 him pleasure ; he will feel that the very act 
 is one which has set him apart in his own 
 house as a stranger, rather than a guardian 
 there an enemy, rather than a friend. 
 
 Why then should you begin with conceal- 
 ment 1 The answer, it is to be feared, is but 
 too familiar " My husband is so unreason- 
 able." And here then we see again the great 
 advantage of choosing as a companion for 
 life, a reasonable man, who may with safety 
 and satisfaction be made acquainted with 
 every thing you think or do. 
 
 After concealment has been habitually prac- 
 tised, there follows, in order to escape detec- 
 tion, a system of false pretences, assumed 
 appearances, and secret schemes, as much 
 at variance with the spirit of truth, as the 
 most direct falsehood, and unquestionably as 
 debasing to the mind. 
 
 But, as an almost inevitable consequence, 
 next follows falsehood itself; for what wo- 
 man would like her husband to know that 
 she had, for days, months, or years, been 
 practising upon his credulity. If he discov- 
 ers what she has been concealing, he will 
 also discover, that often when the subject 
 was alluded to, she artfully evaded his ques- 
 tions by introducing another ; that sometimes 
 she so managed her voice as to convey one 
 idea, while she expressed another ; and that 
 at other times she absolutely looked a lie. 
 No, she cannot bear that he should look back 
 and see all this, lest he should despise her ; 
 and, therefore, in some critical moment, when 
 brought into that trying situation in which 
 she must either confess all, or deny all, she 
 pronounces at last that fatal word, which 
 effectually breaks asunder the spiritual bond 
 of married love. 
 
 And now, it is scarcely possible to imagine 
 a more melancholy situation than that of a 
 weak and helpless woman, separated by false- 
 hood from all true fellowship, either human or 
 divine; for there is no fellowship in false- 
 hood. The very soul of disunion might 
 justly be said to be embodied in a lie. It is 
 in fact the sudden breaking asunder of that
 
 -14 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 great chain which connects together all 
 spiritual influences ; and she who is guilty 
 of falsehood, must necessarily be alone; 
 alone, for she has no sympathy of feeling 
 with the beautiful creation around her, of 
 which it has truly been said, that " Nature 
 never deceives ;" alone, for in that higher 
 world, where all her secret thoughts and acts 
 are registered, its very light is truth ; alone, 
 for she has voluntarily become a stranger, a 
 suspected thing, an enemy, to that one friend 
 in whose bosom she might have found shelter 
 and repose. 
 
 It is a fact which scarcely needs to be re- 
 peated, that the closer the intimacy, and the 
 more important the trust, the greater is the 
 individual injury, and consequently the viola- 
 tion of personal feeling, when that trust is 
 abused. Thus when the child is first made 
 to understand that it has been deceived by 
 its mother, the very life of its little soul seems 
 for a moment to be quenched. When the 
 father finds that his prodigal son has but 
 returned to take advantage of his affection 
 and credulity, his wounded spirit sinks, and 
 his woary heart is broken. But when the 
 husband looks with earnest eyes into the 
 countenance whose beauty was once his 
 sunshine ; when memory flies back, and 
 brings again her plighted vow, with all its 
 treasury of truth ; when he thinks of that 
 fond heart which seemed to cling to his in 
 all the guileless innocence of unsophisticated 
 youth oh, it is horrible "to be discarded 
 thence," by the dark demon of distrust, per- 
 petually reminding him, that the bright and 
 sunny tide of early love, upon which he 
 trusted all the riches of his soul, is but a 
 smiling and deceitful ocean, whose glassy 
 surface at once reflects the hues of heaven, 
 and conceals the depths of hell. 
 > It is impossible to speak in language ade- 
 quate to the importance of this cause, for by 
 failure in this one point, the whole fabric of 
 connubial affection, which might otherwise 
 be made so influential in the promotion of 
 every kind of good, becomes a heap of ruins, 
 as disgraceful to the deceiver as unsightly to 
 the deceived. 
 
 Yet, after all, is not the former the greater 
 sufferer of the two 1 Is it not more miserable 
 to be thus separated from all community of 
 thought and feeling, either earthly or divine, 
 than to be the mere dupe of treachery ox 
 guile ? Yes, and she feels it so, and out of 
 her very desolation, sometimes awakes the 
 voice of penitence, making confession of some 
 individual act of transgression, and craving, 
 with all the humility of utter wretchedness, 
 to be reinstated in confidence and esteem. 
 But this cannot be. The thing is impossible. 
 The silver cord which has been loosed, no 
 single act of human will can tie again. The 
 golden bowl which has been broken, no sin- 
 gle effort of human kindness can restore. 
 
 But may not years bring back the confi- 
 dence so wantonly abused? Oh, blessed 
 thought ! Begin, then, a new life. Let truth 
 be the principle of every thought, the echo 
 of every word, the foundation of every act 
 Truth is invincible it must it will prevail. 
 Beautiful as the morning it will arise ; glori- 
 ous as the noonday it will shine forth ; calm 
 as the evening it will be followed by repose ; 
 and thus each day may feel its gladdening 
 and invigorating influence ; while every flow- 
 er that grows beneath its ray will shed a 
 charm upon the path of life. 
 
 But if the regaining of confidence after it has 
 been lost, be an object of such immeasurable 
 importance to attain, what must be the happi- 
 ness of her who has never lost this treasure ] 
 who has borne through all change, and all 
 trial, a true and upright heart towards her 
 husband, who, though he may have some- 
 times mistaken, and sometimes blamed her, 
 has still been able to say, even when appear- 
 ances were least favorable, and when per- 
 haps he was most in need of the consolation 
 derived from reposing implicit confidence in 
 her sincerity 
 
 " Thou art my true and honorable wife, 
 As dear to me as are the niddy drops 
 That visit this sad heart." 
 
 What, then, if she has sometimes suffered 
 when it has seemed as if a little artifice would 
 have made all things easy, that suffering has
 
 THE LOVE OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 45 
 
 been in a noble cause. And then the reward ! 
 the conscience void of offence towards that 
 one being to whom she can be nothing, if not 
 true the fearless look the unfaltering tone 
 the steady hand the soul that might be 
 mirrored forth before him the hopes, the 
 fear?, that might be his the workings of a 
 busy mind, whose minutest plans might all 
 at any moment be laid bare before his scru- 
 tinizing eye and onward, into the far future, 
 not a dream but he might know it all and 
 onward yet the blessed consciousness that, 
 should the secrets of all hearts be read on 
 the great day of everlasting doom, there 
 would be one Avhose glance, and that the 
 most familiar, would not detect a single act 
 or thought of her whole life inimical to his 
 interests, or such as might not have been 
 revealed to him before. 
 
 Nor is the mere escape from the uncer- 
 tainty, anxiety, and pain, entailed upon the 
 habitual practice of falsehood, all that has to 
 be considered. A brighter picture in the 
 page of truth, is that in which we see por- 
 trayed in living hues, the enjoyment of un- 
 burdening a full heart, and laying open its 
 secret treasury of thought and feeling to him 
 whose earthly portion, whether it be one of 
 weal or wo, must inevitably be blended with 
 our own. And it is from this very identity 
 that the practice and the love of truth be- 
 comes more important, as a moral obligation 
 in the married state, than in all others. In- 
 deed the perfect truth towards each other of 
 individuals thus united, is as necessary to 
 their welfare and their happiness, as the 
 union and concurrence of the different mem- 
 bers of the human frame, is to the usefulness 
 and integrity of the whole 
 
 It is, as has already been stated, the pecu- 
 liar privilege of a strict adherence to truth, 
 that it brings its own reward ; for if we vol- 
 untarily confess the truth, by this means we 
 obtain confidence ; if we suffer for truth, we 
 have the consolation of suffering in a noble 
 cause, and of gaining strength by every effort 
 we make in its support; while, if we en- 
 deavor conscientiously to uphold the tru^h, 
 and thus consistently exemplify the beauty 
 
 and the power of this great attribute in the 
 Divine government, we have the still higher 
 satisfaction of doing our humble part to glorify 
 the God of truth. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 THE LOVE OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 IF, in the foregoing pages, I have spoken 
 of the married state as one' of the trial of 
 principle, rather than of the fruition of hope ; 
 and if, upon the whjole, my observations 
 should appear to have assumed a discour- 
 aging, rather than a cheering character, it has 
 arisen, in the first place, from my not having 
 reached, until now, that part of the subject in 
 which the advantages of this connection are 
 fully developed ; and if, in the second place, 
 I must plead gulity to the charge of desiring 
 to throw some hindrances in the way of 
 youthful aspiration, it has simply been from 
 observing amongst young people generally, 
 how much greater is the tendency to make 
 the experiment for themselves, than to pre- 
 pare themselves for the experiment. 
 
 If, therefore, I have selected words of 
 warning, in preference to those of an opposite 
 nature, it has been because the tide of popular 
 feeling, especially amongst young women, is 
 already sufficiently strong in favor of matri- 
 monial alliances ; while the disposition to en- 
 sure all the advantages of such an alliance, 
 appears far beyond what bears any propor- 
 tion tnjfyg Aocyrt> evinced for submitting to 
 that discipline, .by which alone they can be 
 
 That this disproportion betwixt expectation 
 and reality, arises from ignorance, rather than 
 any other cause, I am fully prepared to believe 
 ignorance of the human heart, of the actual 
 circumstances of human life, of the operation 
 of cause and effect in human affairs, and of 
 the relative duty of human beings one to- 
 wards another. 
 
 The numbers who have failed in this way 
 to realize in their experience of married life,
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 the fair picture which imagination painted 
 before it was tried, it would be useless to at- 
 tempt to -enumerate; as well as to tell how 
 many have thrown the blame of their disap- 
 pointment upon situation or circumstances 
 upon husband, servants, friends, or relatives 
 when the whole has rested with themselves, 
 and has arisen solely out of a want of adapta- 
 tion in their views and habits to the actual 
 requirements of the new state of existence 
 upon which they have entered. 
 
 That this state itself is not capable of the 
 greatest amount of happiness which is ex- 
 pected from it, I should be sorry to deny ; and 
 and all I would attempt to prove in the way 
 of discouragement is, that its happiness will 
 often prove to be of a different kind from 
 what has been anticipated. All mat has been* 
 expected to be enjoyed from the indulgence 
 of selfishness, must then of necessity be left 
 out of our calculations, with all that ministers 
 to the pride of superiority, all mat gratifies the 
 love of power, all that converts the, woman 
 
 her an object o/_ _general_injerest and at- 
 traction. 
 
 It may very naturally be asked, what then 
 remains ? I answer, the love of married life ; 
 and in this answer is embodied the richest 
 treasure which this earth affords. All other 
 kinds of love hold by a very slender tenure 
 the object of supreme regard ; but here the 
 actual tie is severed only by the stroke of 
 death, while mutual interest, instead of weak- 
 ening, renders it more secure. The love of 
 a parent for a child, natural, and pure, and 
 holy as it is, can never bind that child beyond 
 a certain period within its influence ; while 
 the love of a child for a parent must necessa- 
 rily be interrupted in the course of nature, by 
 the dissolution of its earthly hold. The love 
 of a brother or a sister must ever be ready to 
 give place to dearer claims ; and that of a 
 friend, though " very precious" while it lasts, 
 has no real security for its continuance. And 
 yet all these, according to the laws which 
 regulate our being, in their own place and 
 measure, supply the natural craving of the 
 human heart for something beyond itself, 
 
 which it may call its own, and in the certainty 
 of possessing which, it may implicitly re- 
 pose. 
 
 Nor is that sage philosophy, which would 
 deny the existence of this craving, or make 
 light of its requirements. There is no moody 
 misanthrope, however solitary the lot he 
 chooses for himself, but cherishes within the 
 secret of his soul, some yearning thought of 
 how he migjjt have been, and could have, 
 loved. There is no agitator of public move- 
 ments, hardened and sharpened by the fierce 
 contact of contending interests, but seeks 
 some chosen spot of rest, where the cold ar- 
 mor of his selfishness may be thrown off, 
 before that being whose hand has been ac- 
 customed to pour into his breast the balm of 
 sympathy and love. There is no outcast 
 from the holier walks of life, no victim of its 
 cruel vices, no maligner of religion and its 
 sacred institutions, but acknowledges, at 
 times, a secret impulse to cling to something 
 more kind, more gentle, and less degraded 
 than himself. 
 
 Nor is it only in our human sympathies 
 that this craving is developed. The tame 
 bird, or the pet lamb, is folded to the solitary 
 bosom of the neglected child, with as intense 
 a feeling, as if it knew the thoughts of tender- 
 ness pent up and aching there. The miser, 
 whose grovelling soul is alike at enmity with 
 God and man, enters his narrow cell, and, 
 calling to his side his faithful dog, smiles on 
 the unconscious animal with a look which at 
 once reveals ,the history of his wasted heart. 
 And strange to say, it is sometimes even thus 
 with ambition, and with many of those aims 
 and occupations which absorb man's life. 
 They are followed, not for the results they 
 bring, so much as for the promises they offer 
 for the vague hopes they hold out, that 
 their entire accomplishment will satisfy the 
 cravings of an insatiable soul. 
 
 But, perhaps, more than in any other case, 
 is it thus with literary fame, in the pursuit of 
 which how many are urged on by a strong, 
 though it may seem to some a fanciful im- 
 pression, that the voice of feeling which has 
 failed to find an echo in its own immediate
 
 THE LOVE OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 47 
 
 sphere, may, in the wide world through which 
 it is sent forth, touch in some unknown 
 breast a sympathetic chord, and thus awaken 
 a responsive emotion. 
 
 But if with man, the most powerful and 
 independent of created beings, there ever ex- 
 ists this want of spiritual reliance and com- 
 munion, what must it be to the weaker heart 
 of woman, to find one earthly hold after an- 
 other giving way, and to look around upon 
 the great wilderness of life, in which she 
 stands unconnected, and consequently alone? 
 ^ there be one principle in woman's nature 
 gtronger than all others, it is that which 
 prompts her to .-eek sympathy and protection 
 from Foine being \vhoin .-he ma love, and 
 
 by whuiu she may he loved in return. The 
 influence of fashion is, perhaps, of all others 
 to which the female sex is exposed, the most 
 hardening to the heart the most chilling to 
 its warm and genuine emotions. Yet I much 
 question whether the successful candidate 
 for public admiration, would not sometimes 
 willingly retire from the splendid circle in 
 which she is the centre of attraction, to re- 
 ceive in private the real homage of one un- 
 sophisticated, noble, and undivided heart. 
 Having failed in this, woman's first and most 
 excusable ambition, how often does she go 
 forth into the world, to waste upon the cold 
 and polished surface of society, those capa- 
 bilities of thought and feeling which might, 
 if more wisely directed, have made a happy 
 home ; and how often is she compelled to 
 look, appalled and horror-struck, upon the 
 utter emptiness of the reward which follows 
 this expenditure, when the same outlay in a 
 different soil, and under happier culture, 
 might have enabled her to gather into her bo- 
 som a hundred fold the richer fruits of con- 
 fidence and affection ! 
 
 c ltis__oniy_.ia the married state . that __the 
 boundless_capabilities of woman's love can 
 bp f^lly known or appreciated. There may, 
 in other situations, be occasional instances of 
 heroic self-sacrifice, and devotion to an earth- 
 ly object ; but it is only here that the lapse 
 of time, and the familiar occasions of every 
 day, can afford opportunities of exhibiting 
 
 the same spirit, operating through all those 
 minor channels, which flow like fertilizing 
 rills through the bosom of every family 
 where the influence of woman is alike happy 
 in its exercise, and enlightened in its charac- 
 ter. 
 
 Out of all which our first parents sacri- 
 ficed when they lost their high estate, it was 
 mercifully permitted them to retain their 
 mutual love ; and it is possible to imagine 
 that the mother cf mankind, even when look- 
 ing her last upon that Eden whose flowers 
 her care had tended, would turn to the com- 
 panion of her banishment with a deeper and 
 more fervent appeal to his sympathy and af- 
 fection, than she ever could have felt the 
 need of, in those bowers of beauty where a 
 leaf was never seen to fade. Thus out of 
 her very weakness, and from among the 
 many snares which have beset the path of 
 woman since that day of awful doom, has 
 arisen a more intense desire, and a more ur- 
 gent need, for the support of a stronger na- 
 ture, with which her own can mingle, until 
 it almost loses the bitter consciousness of 
 having forfeited all claim to be still an inhab- 
 itant of Paradise. 
 
 Lest, however, the temptations to this for- 
 getfulness should stand between her and the 
 necessity there is to seek a higher and a ho- 
 lier rest, there has fallen on her earthly lot 
 some shadows, which the light of earthly love 
 is not sufficient to dispel. Even love itself 
 has sometimes failed ; and, worse than all, in 
 her own bosom has become extinguished. 
 
 In order to know how to avert this calam- 
 ity, it is necessary to endeavor to look calm- 
 ly and dispassionately at the subject in every 
 point of view to dispel the visions of imagi- 
 nation, and to ask what is the real cause of 
 failure, where woman has so much at stake. 
 
 Love may arise spontaneously, but it does 
 not continue to exist without some care and 
 culture. In a mind whose ideas are all float- 
 ing at large, and whose emotions of feeling 
 or affection are left to the prompting of im- 
 pulse, unrestrained by the discipline or rea- 
 son, there will naturally arise strange wander- 
 ing thoughts, which will be likely at any
 
 49 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 unguarded moment to undermine so frail a 
 fabric, as love under such circumstances 
 must ever be. 
 
 One ten'dency in the mind of the married 
 woman who has thus neglected the govern- 
 ment of her own feelings, will be, on every 
 occasion of momentary vexation or dissatis- 
 faction, to compare her husband with other 
 men to his disadvantage ; than which noth- 
 ing can be more dangerous, or more incon- 
 sistent with that faithfulness which ought 
 ever to be a leading characteristic in the love 
 of married life. Nor can any thing well be 
 more impolitic or absurd ; since there is no 
 human being, however excellent, who may 
 not, in some way or other, be made to suffer 
 by comparison with others. Besides which, 
 what right have we, as frail and erring crea- 
 tures, to aspire, in this connection, to an alli- 
 ance with a being entirely faultless, or even 
 more perfect than ourselves 7 
 
 If then there should occasionally arise feel- 
 ings of disappointment and dissatisfaction, as 
 the lapse of time and a nearer acquaintance 
 develop a husband's faults, it is good to bear 
 in mind that the same exposure of your own, 
 from the same^ cause, must necessarily have 
 taken place ; and by often dwelling upon this 
 view of the subject, a degree of charitable 
 feeling will be excited, more calculated to 
 humble and chasten the heart, than to embit- 
 ter it against the failings of another. 
 
 Still there are frequent provocations of tem- 
 per, which some men through ignorance, and 
 others from perverseness, or the love of pow- 
 er, are not over scrupulous to avoid ; and 
 these, to an irritable temperament, are often 
 more trying than greater deviations from 
 what is strictly right 
 
 Against the petulance and occasional re- 
 sentment which an accumulation of these 
 trials call forth, there is one great and solemn 
 consideration, by which a woman of right 
 feeling may, at any time, add sufficient 
 weight to the balance in her husband's favor 
 she may think of his death, of the emotions 
 with which she would receive his last fare- 
 well, and of what would be her situation if 
 deprived at once of his love, his advice, and 
 
 his protection. We are all perhaps too little 
 accustomed to such thoughts as these, ex- 
 cept where, illness or accident places them 
 immediately before us. We are too much in 
 the habit of looking upon the thread of life 
 with us, as far more likely to be broken first, 
 and of thinking that the stronger frame must 
 necessarily endure the longest But one 
 realizing thought that the sentence of wid- 
 owed loneliness may possibly be ours how 
 does it sweep away, as by a single breath, 
 the mist of little imperfections which had 
 gathered around a beloved form, and reveal 
 to us at one glance the manly beauties of a 
 noble, or a generous character ! 
 
 Even beauties less than these the kind 
 look, the cordial welcome, the patient answer, 
 the mild forbearance, the gentle and familiar 
 acts of every day which never-tiring affection 
 prompted, and the smile which beamed upon 
 us perhaps when we deserved it least all 
 these come back, and live before us, as often 
 as we think of the possibility of losing them 
 forever. And it is good to have the heart 
 thus softened and subdued thus made to 
 feel how completely the petty provocations of 
 each day would vanish from our minds, if we 
 stood by the dying couch of him who never 
 offended but in little things, and heard the 
 parting benediction of the friend who would 
 fain leave behind him a blessing, which his 
 living presence had failed to bestow. ___. 
 
 It is an unspeakable privilege enjoyed by 
 the women of England, that in the middle 
 ranks of life, a married woman, however 
 youthful or attractive, if her own manners 
 are unexceptionable, is seldom, or never, ex- 
 posed to the attentions of men, so as to lead 
 her affections out of their proper channel. 
 
 How much is gained in domestic and so- 
 cial happiness by this exemption from cus- 
 toms which prevail on the continent, it is here 
 unnecessary to attempt to describe ; for I 
 cannot imagine there is any right-minded 
 woman, still less any Christian wife, who 
 does not number it among the peculiar bless- 
 ings of her country, and her sex. Yet even 
 in our privileged land, where the established 
 rules of society are so much more favorable
 
 THE LOVE OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 49 
 
 than in others, to the purity of social morals, 
 and the sanctity of home-enjoyments, there 
 may occasionally occur an attempted devia- 
 tion from these rules, on the part of ignorant 
 or unprincipled men. In all such cases, how- 
 ever, the slightest approach to undue fami- 
 liarity is easily repelled, by such a look and 
 manner, as all women know how to make 
 use of in discountenancing what is not ac- 
 ceptable ; and even in more trifling cases, or 
 where the temptation to be agreeable over- 
 comes the inclination to be otherwise, I be- 
 lieve that a frank and easy manner of speak- 
 ing of a husband with respect and evident 
 affection, would answer every purpose of 
 putting a stop to such acfvances ; while, on 
 the other hand, nothing can be more likely to 
 invite them, than speaking in complaining 
 terms either of a husband, or of his behavior 
 towards yourself. 
 
 But the surest safeguard both at home and 
 abroad, and the truest test by which to prove 
 the propriety of every look, and act, and 
 word, when mixing in the society of other 
 men, is a sincere and faithful love for the 
 companion of your choice. Without this, it 
 would be vain to lay down rules by which a 
 wandering fancy might be kept in check. 
 An enlightened conscience alone, in such a 
 case, can point out exactly how to act ; while 
 with this love, there needs no other guide. 
 It is itself so pure, so constant, and so true, 
 that confidence only echoes what its happier 
 voice approves. 
 
 And now, having thus loved your husband, 
 and cast in your lot with his having chosen 
 his portion, his people, and his God for yours, 
 it is meet that you should love him to the 
 last. ^jJs^Jtoie, there are cases where a 
 gradual deterioration of character, or a sud- 
 den fall from moral rectitude, renders affec- 
 tion, the last offering a stranger would think 
 it possible to make at such a shrine.^ but if 
 others turn away repelled, there is the more 
 TTeed for-aucLi a man, that his wife should 
 love him still there is the more need that 
 .one friemi Ahmild remain to be near him in 
 his mojppn^ nf tenf; if such should 
 
 betterdays^so as if possible^ kindle it once 
 
 ever come ; or to watch the lingering light of 
 
 more into a cheerful and invigorating flamp 
 
 Of all the states of suffering which have 
 ever swelled the ocean of human tears, there 
 is none in the smallest degree comparable to 
 the situation of such a wife ; yet, as if by 
 some law of nature, which raises the sweet- 
 est flowers from out the least apparently con- 
 genial soil, it is here that we so often see the 
 character of woman developed in all its love- 
 liest and noblest attributes. It is here that 
 we see to what an almost superhuman height 
 that character can rise, when stripped of its,- 
 vanity, and divested of its selfishness. Alas ! 
 that she should wait for the chastening of a 
 cruel scourge, before she will even aspire to 
 that perfection of moral beauty of which her 
 nature is capable ! 
 
 If to love the vicious; or the degraded, 
 were necessarily to love their vices too, it 
 would be a melancholy picture to see an 
 amiable woman falling into such a snare. 
 But though unquestionably too many do this, 
 and sometimes almost unconsciously assimi- 
 late themselves with vice, either from con- 
 stant association with what is evil, or from 
 the habit of referring their own judgment of 
 right and wrong to that of a polluted and de- 
 graded mind ; there are others who, with the 
 nicest discrimination, and with the clearest 
 convictions on these points, go on from day 
 to day beholding what they hate, in the most 
 intimate connection with what they love. 
 
 While contemplating the fate of such, our 
 only consolation is to compare their situation 
 as it is, with what it would be, were there no 
 channel open to mercy and to hope, for the 
 outpourings of a heavily laden heart through 
 the medium of prayer. Friends bring no 
 comfort, earth holds no consolation for those 
 who weep such tears ; yet often in the depth 
 of their affliction have they been enabled to 
 own and bless the chastening of a Father's 
 hand, and to feel that in that very chas- 
 tening there was love ! 
 
 But it is time to turn our attention to that 
 portion of the love of married life, which be- 
 longs more especially to the other sex ; and 
 here the first thing to be observed is, that no
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 man's heart can be said to be really gained 
 before his marriage. He may be the most 
 obsequious of beaux, the most flattering of 
 admirers, and even the most devoted of lov- 
 ers ; but his affection has not been tried in 
 the way which brings it to the severest test. 
 It is true it may have been tried by absence, 
 by caprice, by coldness, or neglect ; but it 
 has yet to be tried by the security of entire 
 possession ; by the monotony of sameness ; 
 and, I grieve to add, too often by the neglect 
 of those personal attractions by which it was 
 at first so studiously invited. 
 
 How little do women think of this, when, 
 by the security of the marriage tie, they are 
 rendered careless of the preservation of the 
 richest jewel in their bridal wreath, and one 
 which never yet was secured to its possessor 
 by any outward bond 1 How little do they 
 reflect, that while it is the natural tendency 
 of woman's heart to become more tenderly 
 attached to the being with whom she is thus 
 associated, it is not so with that of man ! 
 Ana thus it becomes the study of a life, to 
 retain in all its freshness and its beauty, the 
 precious gem committed to their trust. 
 
 Nor should we murmur that it is so. For 
 once possessed of this inestimable treasure, 
 and secure of its continuance, what should 
 we aspire to beyond our present state 1 
 Even as things are, we see a marked neglect 
 it\ the behavior of some wives ; as if their 
 husbands were equally bound to love, as to 
 protect them. What then w.ould be the de- 
 gree of carelessness prevailing among wo- 
 men, if this were really the case, and if the 
 heart of man invariably, and of necessity, 
 went along with his duty as a husband ! 
 
 Happily for our sex, however, there are 
 means of securing this treasure, more effica- 
 cious than the marriage vow ; and among 
 these, I shall mention first, the desirable- 
 ness of not being too requiring. It must 
 ever be borne in mind, that mpn's love, even 
 in its happiest exercise, is not like woman's ; 
 for while she employs herself through every 
 hour, in fondly weaving one beloved image 
 into all her thoughts ; he gives to her com- 
 paratively few of his, and of these perhaps 
 
 neither the loftiest nor the best. His highest 
 hopes and brightest energies, must ever be 
 expected to expend themselves upon the 
 promotion of some favorite scheme, or the 
 advancement of some public measure; and 
 if with untiring satisfaction he turns to her 
 after the efforts of the day have been com- 
 pleted ; and weary, and perhaps dispirited, 
 comes back to pour into her faithful bosom 
 the history of those trials which the world 
 can never know, and would not pity if it 
 could ; if she can thug supply to the extent 
 of his utmost wishes, the sympathy and the 
 advice, the confidence and the repose, of 
 which he is in need, she will have little cause 
 to think herself neglected. 
 
 It is a wise beginning, then, for every mar- 
 ried woman to make up her mind to be for- 
 gotten through the greater part of every day ; 
 to make up her mind to many rivals too in 
 her husband's attentions, though not in his 
 love; and among these, I would mention 
 one, whose claims it is folly to dispute ; since 
 no remonstrances or representations on her 
 her part will ever be able to render less at- 
 tractive the charms of this competitor. I 
 mean the newspaper, of whose absorbing in- 
 terest some wives are weak enough to evince 
 a sort of childish jealousy, when they ought 
 rather to congratulate themselves that their 
 most formidable rival is one of paper. 
 
 The same observations apply perhaps in a 
 more serious manner to those occupations 
 which lead men into public life. If the ob- 
 ject be to do good, either by correcting 
 abuses, or forwarding benevolent designs, 
 and not merely to make himself the head of 
 a party, a judicious and right-principled wo- 
 man will be too happy for her husband to be 
 instrumental in a noble cause, to put in com- 
 petition with his public efforts, any loss she 
 may sustain in personal attention or domestic 
 comfort. 
 
 A system of persecution perseveringly car- 
 ried on against such manly propensities as 
 reading the newspaper, or even against the 
 household derangements necessarily accom- 
 panying attention to public business, has the 
 worst possible effect upon a husband's tem-
 
 THE LOVE OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 51 
 
 >er, and general state of feeling. So much 
 o, that I am inclined to think a greater 
 mount of real love has been actually teased 
 way, than ever was destroyed by more di- 
 ect, or more powerfully operating means. 
 
 The same system of teasing is sometimes 
 most unwisely kept up, for the purpose of 
 ailing forth a succession of those little per- 
 onal attentions, which, if not gratuitously 
 endered, are utterly destitute of value, and 
 ught never to be required. 
 To all married women, it must be gratify- 
 ng to receive from a husband just so much 
 attention as indicates a consciousness of her 
 )resence ; but with this acknowledgment, ex- 
 messed in any manner which may be most 
 congenial to her husband's tastes and habits, 
 a woman of true delicacy would surely be 
 atisfied without wishing to stipulate for more. 
 Still less would she annoy him with an ex- 
 hibition of her own fondness, under the idea 
 of its being necessarily returned in kind. It 
 is a holy, and a blessed mystery, from the 
 secrets of which, in its mastery over the hu- 
 man mind, almost all women who have ever 
 been beloved, have learned the power of their 
 own tenderness ; but in proportion to the 
 purity of its nature, and the sacredness of its 
 exercise, is its capability of being abused and 
 degraded. Thus, all exhibition of fondness 
 before a third party, may justly be lookec 
 upon as indicating a total ignorance of the 
 intensity, and the purity, of that which alone 
 deserves the name of love ; while, could one 
 imagine the possibility of such a thing, all ex- 
 ercise of this fondness made use of for the 
 purpose of obtaining advantage over a hus- 
 band's judgment or inclination, could only be 
 supposed to arise out of the meanest impulse 
 of a low, an artful, and a degraded mind. 
 
 But we cannot for a moment imagine such 
 things really are. We cannot believe that 
 woman conscious of her personal attractions 
 could hang about her husband's neck, o: 
 weep, or act the impassioned heroine, for tin 
 base purpose of inducing him to make somi 
 concession, which in his calmer moments b 
 could not be prevailed upon to grant. No 
 the true heart of woman knows too well, tha 
 
 hat sweet gift of heaven, granted in consid- 
 ration to her weakness, was never meant to 
 )e made use of as an instrument of power to 
 gain a selfish end ; but was permitted her for 
 he high and holy purpose of softening the 
 larder and more obdurate nature of man, so 
 as to render it capable of impressions upon 
 ivhich the seal of eternity might be set 
 
 It requires much tact, as well as delicacy, 
 o know how to render expressions of endear- 
 ment at all times appropriate, and conse- 
 quently acceptable ; and as love is far too 
 xcellent a thing to be wasted, and tender- 
 less too precious to be thrown away, a sen- 
 sible woman will most scrupulously consult 
 lier husband's mood and temper in this ra. 
 spect, as well as remember always the con- 
 sideration due to her own personal attrac- 
 tions ; for, without some considerable portion 
 of these advantages, it will be always safest 
 not to advance very far, unless there should 
 be clear and direct encouragement to do so. 
 Pitiful pictures have been drawn in works of 
 fiction of the hopelessness of efforts of this 
 nature ; but one would willingly believe them 
 to be confined to fiction only, for there is hap- 
 pily, in most enlightened female minds, an 
 intuitive perception on these points, by which 
 they may discover almost instantaneously 
 from a look, a tone, a touch responsive to 
 their own, how far it may be desirable to go, 
 and by what shadow they ought to be warn- 
 ed, as well as by what ray of light they ought 
 to be encouraged. 
 
 It may be easily imagined how an ignorant, 
 or selfish woman, never can be able to un- 
 derstand all this, and how she may conse- 
 quently make shipwreck of her husband's 
 happiness, and her own peace, simply from 
 never having known, observed, or felt, what 
 belongs to the nature of the human heart in 
 these its most exquisite touches of light and 
 shade; while, on the other hand, not the 
 highest intellectual attainments, with the no- 
 blest gifts of nature, nor all the importance 
 and distinction which these attributes obtain 
 for their possessor in the world, will be able 
 to efface for a moment the delicate percep- 
 tions of a truly sensitive woman, or to render
 
 52 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 her in the deep and fervent love of which 
 she la capable, otherwise than humble, and 
 easily subdued ; especially when she comes 
 with childlike simplicity to consult the dial 
 of her husband's love, and to read there the 
 progress of the advancing or receding shad- 
 ows, which indicate her only true position, 
 through the lapse of every hour. 
 
 It is an act of injustice towards women, 
 and one which often brings its own punish- 
 ment upon talented men, when they select as 
 their companions for life, the ignorant or the 
 imbecile of the other sex, believing that be- 
 cause they are so, they must be more capable 
 of loving. If to be incapable of any thing else, 
 implies this necessity, it must be granted that 
 they are so. But of what value is that love 
 which exists, as a mere impulse of nature, 
 compared with that, which, with an equal 
 force of impulse, combines the highest attri- 
 butes of an enlightened mind, and brings 
 them all with their rich produce, like flowers 
 from a delicious garden, a welcome and ap- 
 propriate offering at the shrine whereon the 
 heart is laid. 
 
 Still I must repeat, that it is not the superi- 
 ority of talent, but the early and the best use 
 of such as we possess, which gives this power 
 and beauty to affection, by directing it to its 
 appropriate end. For as in other duties of 
 woman's life, without knowledge she cannot, 
 if she would, act properly ; so in the expres- 
 sion and bestowment of her love, without an 
 intimate acquaintance with the human heart, 
 without having exercised her faculties of ob- 
 servation and reflection, and without having 
 obtained by early discipline some mastery 
 over her own feelings, she will ever be liable 
 to rush blindly upon those fatal errors, by 
 which the love of married life so often has 
 been wrecked. 
 
 In connection with this subject, there is one 
 consideration to which sufficient weight is sel- 
 dom given ; and that is, the importance of 
 never trifling with affection after the nuptual 
 knot is tied. To do this at any time, or in 
 any way, is scarcely consistent with the feel- 
 ings of a deeply sensitive and delicate mind : 
 but leaving the display of caprice to those 
 
 who think it gives zest to the familiarity of 
 courtship, it cannot be too deeply impressed 
 upon the female mind, that with the days of 
 courtship it must end. 
 
 There are innumerable tests which might 
 be applied to the love of married life, so as to 
 ascertain the degree of its intensity, or the 
 progress of its declension ; but who would 
 wish to apply them ? or who, even if they 
 did, would dare to make so critical an ex- 
 periment 1 If there be any cause for its exist- 
 ence, the consciousness comes soon enough, 
 that the wife is not all to her husband which 
 the flattering promises of early love prepared 
 her to expect ; and if there be no cause for 
 the slightest shadow of suspicion that her 
 star is beginning to go down, why trouble her 
 own repose, and that of her husband, by 
 questioning the reality of what it would be 
 worse than death to doubt ? 
 
 All teasing, all caprice, all acting, for the 
 purpose of renewing an agreeable effect, are 
 therefore inimical to the mutual trust, and 
 the steady confidence in reciprocal affection, 
 which are, or ought to be, enjoyed by indi- 
 viduals thus bound together by an indissolu- 
 ble tie. Not that the writer would for a mo- 
 ment wish to discountenance that harmless 
 vivacity with which some women know so 
 well how to charm ; or to speak of the priva- 
 cy of married life as consisting of dull and 
 sombre scenes. So far from this, it is her 
 firm belief, that nothing tends more to ani- 
 mate and renew the feeling of affection in 
 the mind of man, than the cheerfulness of 
 his fireside companion. 
 
 It is here, then, that the display of native 
 wit and humor may be enjoyed with the 
 greatest zest, for here it is safe ; and the hus- 
 band who comes home to have his spirit re- 
 freshed by an easy, natural, and well-timed 
 description of the amusing incidents which 
 have taken place during his absence, will not 
 be the most likely to prefer another fireside to 
 his own. 
 
 Even in illness, but especially when laboring 
 only under a slight degree of indisposition, by 
 those who have made cheerfulness a familiar 
 habit, much may be done to prevent the dou-
 
 THE LOVE OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 53 
 
 ble burden of sickness and sorrow falling up- 
 on a husband at once. 
 
 There is a vast difference between being 
 as ill as you can be, and as well as you can 
 be. To aim at the latter rather than the 
 former, is the duty of every one, but espe- 
 cially of the married woman, the great busi- 
 ness of whose life is to soothe and cheer, not 
 to depress, to weary, or to annoy. If there- 
 fore, before marriage, she has been deluded 
 into the notion that a multiplicity of little ail- 
 ments invested her character with an inter- 
 esting kind of delicacy ; the sooner she be- 
 comes perfectly well after marriage, the better 
 it will be for herself, and for all around her. 
 
 Lest, however, the liberty of these remarks 
 should appear to touch unkindly those who 
 are really afflicted, I must refer the reader for 
 a proof of what may be done in the way of 
 bearing pain with cheerfulness and resigna- 
 tion, to those many beautiful instances which 
 adorn the history of woman, where her own 
 sufferings appear to be forgotten in the inten- 
 sity of her desire to make others happy. 
 And here again we see the necessity of hav- 
 ing made such acts of self-sacrifice habitual. 
 No human being, however great the moment- 
 ary effort, can practise this kind of self-gov- 
 ernment, or consistently exercise this degree 
 of generosity, merely from the force of tran- 
 sient impulse ; and when the greater claims 
 upon the attention of a wife render illness to 
 her a more painful and trying ordeal than it 
 has ever been before, she will feel the greater 
 need of having practised, in her early years, 
 the habit of so far restraining the expression 
 of personal feeling, as by making the best of 
 her afflictions, and gratefully embracing such 
 opportunities of enjoyment as still remain, to 
 be able to render it not an irksome duty, but 
 a privilege, to be near her in sickness and suf- 
 fering. 
 
 It is a great pity when those trials which 
 render affection so essential to our support, 
 should be made the means of driving it away. 
 Nor is it at all necessary that this should be 
 the case with men ; for there is a kindness, 
 and a forbearance, mingled with their higher 
 virtues, which sometimes elicits from them 
 
 the most devoted and delicate attentions in 
 the season of illness ; and all who have ex- 
 perienced, and felt the real value of such at- 
 tentions, will estimate them too highly, to be 
 willing that a habit of fretful or unnecessary 
 complaining should thus deprive the hour of 
 suffering of its greatest earthly consolation. 
 
 It would not be just, even if it were possi- 
 ble, to speak on this subject, and to leave un- 
 marked by expressions of gratitude and ad- 
 miration, the gentle kindness and untiring 
 patience, with which some men can devote 
 themselves to the duties of a sick-room ; or 
 how, by their superior strength, added some- 
 times to a higher degree of tenderness and 
 delicacy, they can render those services to a 
 weak or suffering wife, which nothing but the 
 love of married life can either purchase or 
 repay. But though one would willingly for- 
 give the wife, who for the gratification afford- 
 ed by such kindness, would almost wish to 
 suffer, it must ever be remembered, that not 
 by complaining of every little ache and pain, 
 is such kindness to be purchased ; but by 
 bearing, with sweetness and serenity, those 
 trials which the all-wise Disposer of human 
 events sees meet to inflict 
 
 It is in seasons such as these, that the per- 
 fect identity originating in the marriage bond, 
 is most deeply felt that identity which gives 
 a spiritual nature to an earthly union. It is 
 true we are told there is no such thing as 
 giving in marriage in heaven ; but we are 
 left to enjoy the happiness of believing, that 
 there is something almost heavenly in the 
 " marriage of true minds" something which 
 brings us nearer, than any other circumstance 
 in this sublunary state, to an apprehension 
 of what must be the enjoyment of those re- 
 gions of felicity, where all existences are 
 blended into one, and where the essential 
 principle of that one is love. 
 
 Nor is it the least wonderful property be- 
 longing to this drop of sweetness in life's 
 great ocean, that it can exist almost inde- 
 pendently of outward circumstances. How 
 many of the hapless inheritors of poverty 
 and suffering have nothing else; and yet 
 ! their lot is scarcely to be called bitter, so long
 
 54 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 as they have this. On the other hand, how 
 many a desolate but jewelled brow, would 
 doff its envied wreath, for the privilege of 
 sharing this enjoyment with one who was 
 equally loving and beloved ! 
 
 Let us not, however, fall into the romantic 
 notion, that outward circumstances have no- 
 thing to do -with the maintenance of this 
 strong feeling of identity. Poverty of itself, 
 or privation in the abstract, would probably 
 never be able to shake the foundation of 
 man's love, or woman's either ; but such is 
 the complicated texture of the human mind, 
 that no single portion of suffering or enjoy- 
 ment exists to us alone, but each draws 
 along with it a train of associating links, by 
 which it is connected sometimes with what is 
 most heterogeneous and dissimilar to its own 
 nature. Thus it is the manner in which pov- 
 erty is borne, which so frequently constitutes 
 the greatest trial of love the mutual com- 
 plainings, recriminations, and suspicions, 
 which it calls forth ; not its suffering, its des- 
 titution, and its abasement, for under these it 
 is within the province of love to support and 
 to console ; and, on the other hand, it is the 
 vanity, the dissipation, and the diversity of 
 interests excited by circumstances of extra- 
 ordinary prosperity, which often prove fatal 
 to the love of married life ; when the wider 
 range of duties and privileges, belonging to 
 an exalted station, might have constituted a 
 stronger bond of sympathy between individ- 
 uals thus elevated together. 
 
 Thus the fault is not in the love of mar- 
 ried life, that it gives way so often under the 
 trial of outward circumstances ; but in the 
 power so frequently brought to bear against 
 it, from the wrong feelings which circum- 
 stances are allowed to call into action. 
 
 Of man's love it must ever be remembered 
 it is 
 
 r. 
 
 Woman has the strong power of her 
 sympathy and her imagination, by which in- 
 terest can be re-awakened, and the past can 
 be made to live again; but the nature of 
 man's affection admits of no very potent 
 stimulus from such causes. When once his 
 tenderness toward the object of his affection 
 
 is extinguished, his love may too truly be 
 said to have lost its bloom, its freshness, and 
 its intensity. A sense of duty may still sup- 
 ply what propriety requires, and a feeling 
 that his doom is fixed may prevent any great 
 expenditure of thought in sad and unavailing 
 regrets; but who that has looked "on this 
 picture and on that" who that has observed 
 the dull and leaden aspect presented by mar- 
 ried life under these circumstances, could 
 contemplate with equanimity of mind, the 
 possibility of its succeeding in the place of 
 that bright and glowing picture first brought 
 to light by the early promise of mutual love 1 
 It should then be the first and last study of 
 every married woman, to preserve this pic- 
 ture in all its purity, and all its freshness ; 
 remembering ever that it is not from the 
 great and stirring accidents of time, that the 
 most danger is to be apprehended ; but that 
 sometimes 
 
 " A word unkind or wrongly taken ; 
 Or Love, which tempest never shook, 
 A breath a touch like this hath shaken." 
 
 It is not, therefore, by exemption from out- 
 ward calamity, that woman can preserve this 
 treasure of her life ; but by maintaining 
 through all the little incidents of daily inter- 
 course a true and faithful heart towards her 
 husband true in its own affections true also 
 to the various requirements of human nature 
 and true in its attachment to his interests, 
 both as they relate to time and to eternity. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 TRIALS OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 IF in describing the domestic happiness of 
 English homes, the love of married life were 
 all which had to be dwelt upon, the task of 
 the writer would be like that of one who en- 
 ters a garden for no other purpose than to 
 cull the flowers ; but as among the fairest 
 productions of nature, the intrusion of noxious 
 weeds must ever be anticipated ; so among 
 the brighter scenes of human life, dark pas-
 
 TRIALS OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 55 
 
 sages must occasionally be expected; and 
 happy will it be if they only appear like pass- 
 ing clouds over the landscape, leaving the 
 aspect of the whole more vivid and beautiful, 
 for the trifling interruption to its sameness 
 and repose. 
 
 That married life has its peculiar trials, it 
 would imply great ignorance of the actual 
 state of human affairs to attempt to disprove; 
 and while we gladly admit the fact, that it is 
 possible to be happier in this state, than any 
 human being can be alone ; we must also 
 bear in mind, that it is possible to be more 
 miserable too perhaps for this very reason, 
 that the greatest trials connected with this 
 state of existence, are such, as cannot be told. 
 
 and therefore such as necessarily set the suf- 
 ferer apart from all human sympathy and 
 consolation. Many of these, however, may 
 be greatly ameliorated by a willingness to 
 meet them in a proper way ; but more es- 
 pecially, by an habitual subjection of self to 
 the interests and the happiness of others. 
 
 Among the trials peculiar to married life, 
 we will first speak of those of temper ; and 
 here it is necessary to refer again to the 
 common delusion prevailing among young 
 women, which leads them to look forward to 
 the time of marriage, as the opening of a 
 scene of unlimited indulgence, where every 
 wish will be consulted, and every inclination 
 gratified to its full extent, and where con- 
 sequently it will be impossible that offences 
 should ever come. 
 
 It requires but little reflection to perceive, 
 that even if the husband had been sincere in 
 all the promises, which as a lover he held 
 forth, it would not be in his power to render 
 the lot of any woman one of uninterrupted 
 enjoyment ; for however faithfully his own 
 part might be fulfilled, it would still be the 
 inevitable consequence of thus setting out 
 together in the serious business of conducting 
 a household, that circumstances should press 
 upon both, so as either to thwart their incli- 
 nations, or bend them to submission. Be- 
 yond these, however, it must be allowed, that 
 there are no trials of temper arising out of 
 the cross occurrences incident to family af- 
 
 fairs, at all to be compared with those which 
 belong to the close intercourse of persons of 
 dissimilar habits bound together for life. 
 
 It is a curious fact, that however irritable 
 the temper may be, a Etranger has compara- 
 tively no power to ruffle it ; while, on the 
 other hand, the closer the intimacy, the 
 greater is the liability both to pain and pro- 
 vocation, where that intimacy is made use of 
 as a key to the secret passages of the heart 
 Hence the bland and patient smiles with 
 which a stranger is sometimes listened to, 
 when a sister or a brother conversing in the 
 same style, would scarcely be endured ; and 
 hence the peevish answer sometimes be- 
 stowed upon a husband, when a guest is im- 
 mediately spoken to in the gentlest and most 
 conciliating tone. 
 
 There is something, too, in the bare fact of 
 being indissolubly bound together, which, in- 
 stead of rendering it for that reason an ob- 
 ject of supreme desire that the bondage 
 should be one of silken cords, rather than one 
 of weary chains, seems to produce in the 
 human mind, a sort of perverse determina- 
 tion to bear, whatever must be borne, as 
 badly as we can. 
 
 That the prospect of having to combat with 
 any trial of temper but for a very limited space 
 of time, has a peculiar effect in rendering it 
 more tolerable, we have sufficient proof in 
 the conduct of hired nurses, who, perhaps, 
 of all human beings, have the most to put up 
 with in the way of provocations of this kind. 
 It cannot be supposed that persons of this 
 description possess any peculiar advantages 
 in the way of mental discipline, to give them 
 this power of self-command ; nor is it a ques- 
 tion of self-interest, for of all persons, that 
 would be most likely to operate upon the 
 wife; neither have they time or opportu- 
 nity, in the majority of cases, for attaching 
 themselves by any feelings of affection to the 
 objects of their care. It is the simple fact that 
 all will soon be over, and that to them it is 
 ultimately of no sort of consequence, which 
 enables them to bear with such amazing equa- 
 nimity the trials of patience to which they 
 are so frequently subjected; while, on the
 
 56 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 other hand, the consideration that it must be 
 thus, and thus always, appears at once to 
 excite a spirit of resistance where resistance 
 is most vain. 
 
 But granting that there is, inherent in the 
 human mind, this spirit of contradiction, and 
 granting also that men, with all their dignified 
 and noble attributes, are sometimes, though 
 often unconsciously, indescribably provoking 
 to an irritable temperament; there is one 
 consideration which a generous mind will 
 be ever willing to dwell upon with so much 
 candor, as at least to make concessions when 
 it has been betrayed into any excess of irrita- 
 bility, if not wholly to submit with cheerful- 
 ness and resignation to this peculiar dispen- 
 sation, regarding it as among the appoint- 
 ments of Providence, designed for purposes 
 inscrutable perhaps to human reason, yet not 
 the less in accordance with mercy, and with 
 wisdom. 
 
 But in order to judge more candidly on 
 this subject, let us single out a few instances 
 of the most familiar kind on both sides ; apd 
 if the merit of unconsciousness, and absence 
 of design, does not preponderate on the side 
 of man, I shall be much mistaken in my cal- 
 culations. 
 
 I have always been accustomed to con- 
 sider it as the severest trial to the temper of 
 a married woman, to have an idle husband ; 
 and if in addition to neglecting his business, 
 or such manly occupations as an exemption 
 from the necessities of business would leave 
 him at liberty to pursue, he is personally 
 idle, sitting slipshod at noontime, with his 
 feet upon the fender, occasionally jarring to- 
 gether the whole army of fire-irons with one 
 stroke of his foot, agitated at intervals by the 
 mere muscular irritation of having nothing to 
 do, or not choosing to do any thing ; and if 
 he should happen to have chosen for his wife 
 a woman of active bustling character, as such 
 men not unfrequently do, I believe I must, as 
 in some other instances, leave it to the reader 
 to suggest some possible means by which 
 such a woman may at all times control her 
 temper, and keep the peace at her own fire- 
 side. 
 
 One thing, however, is certain in such a 
 case it is not by ebullitions of momentary 
 indignation that an idle man can be stimula- 
 ted into action. So far from it, he will rather 
 be made worse, and rendered more obsti- 
 nately idle by any direct opposition to the in- 
 dulgence of his personal inclinations. What- 
 ever good is to be done in such a case, can 
 only be effected from the convictions of his 
 own mind, brought about by the quiet opera- 
 tion of affectionate and judicious reasoning ; 
 for if the wife should be unguarded enough 
 to throw out reproaches against him, repre- 
 senting the disgusting nature of idleness in 
 its true colors ; or if she should seek to es- 
 tablish her own claims to his exertions, so as 
 to convey an idea of her arguments tending 
 to a selfish end, she might as well 
 
 " go kindle fire with snow," 
 as attempt to rouse her husband into healthy 
 and consistent habits of activity by such 
 means. 
 
 Here, too, we might mention as pre-emi- 
 nent among the trials of married life, though 
 I question whether it operates so immediately 
 upon the temper as some others, the ruinous 
 propensity inherent in the nature of some 
 men, to spend their own money, and some- 
 times the money of their friends, in vague 
 speculations and visionary schemes. 
 
 The man who is possessed with this mania, 
 for in certain cases it deserves no other name, 
 is neither to be convinced by argument nor 
 experience, that after ninety-nine failures, he 
 is not very likely to succeed the hundredth 
 time ; and the wife who knows that the main- 
 tenance of herself and her family is entirely 
 dependent upon him, has abundant need for 
 supplies of strength and patience beyond 
 what any earthly source can afford. 
 
 Among other causes of irritation, and form- 
 ing reasonable ground of complaint, is the 
 disposition evinced by some men to be incon- 
 siderate and cruel to animals ; and this I 
 must think, is one of the cases in which we 
 are recommended to be angry, and sin not. 
 Yet even in this instance, when. >ve look at 
 the education of boys and consider the ab- 
 sence there is of all regard to the feelings of
 
 TRIALS OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 animals, even in the minds of the most deli- 
 cate females, except where early instruction 
 has given to this regard the force of princi- 
 ple great and charitable allowance ought to 
 be made for the conduct of men in this re- 
 spect : and perhaps the best and only means 
 of remedying the evil, which any woman can 
 adopt, is to bring up her children, if she be a 
 mother, with higher and more enlightened 
 views of the requirements of Christian duty. 
 
 It is a well-known fact, that men in gene- 
 ral appear to consider themselves justly en- 
 titled to the privilege of being out of humor 
 about their food. Thus the whole pleasure 
 of a social meal is sometimes destroyed by 
 some trifling error in the culinary department, 
 or the non-appearance of some expected in- 
 dulgence. But here again, our forbearance 
 is called into exercise, by remembering the 
 probability there is, that such men have had 
 silly mothers, who made the pleasures of their 
 childhood to consist chiefly of such as belong 
 to the palate ; and here too, if the wife can- 
 not remedy this evil, and in all probability it 
 will be beyond her power to do so, she may, 
 by her judicious efforts to promote the wel- 
 fare of the rising generation, impart to the 
 youthful minds committed to her care, or 
 subject to her influence, a juster estimate of 
 what belongs to the true enjoyment of intel- 
 lectual and immortal beings. 
 
 With all occasions of domestic derange- 
 ment, such as washing days, and other reno- 
 vations of comfort and order, some men of 
 irritable temperament wage open and deter- 
 mined war. But, may we not ask, in con- 
 nection with this subject, whether their pre- 
 judices against these household movements 
 have not been remotely or immediately ex- 
 cited, by the extreme and unnecessary con- 
 fusion and disturbance with which they are 
 too frequently accompanied] For I cannot 
 think that a reasonable man, on comparing 
 an English home with a French one, for in- 
 stance, would desire to be altogether exempt 
 from such domestic purifications ; and if 
 properly managed, so as to interfere as little 
 as possible with his personal comfort, and 
 conducted with general cheerfulness and 
 
 good humor, such a man might easily be 
 brought to consider them as necessary to the 
 good of his household, as the refreshing 
 shower is to the summer soil. 
 
 A causeless and habitual neglect of punctu- 
 ality on the part of the master of a house, is 
 certainly a grievance very difficult to bear ; 
 because as he is the principal person in the 
 household, and the first to be considered, the 
 whole machinery of domestic management 
 must necessarily be dependent upon his 
 movements ; and more especially, since it so 
 happens, that persons who are the most ac- 
 customed to keep others waiting, have the 
 least patience to wait for others. Thus it 
 not unfrequently occurs, that a wife is all day 
 urging on her servants to a punctual atten- 
 tion to the dinner-hour appointed by her 
 husband, and when that hour arrives, he has 
 either forgotten it himself, or he allows some 
 trifling hindrance to prevent his returning 
 home until one, or perhaps two, hours later. 
 Yet the same man, though in the habit of do- 
 ing this day after day, will be excessively an- 
 noyed, if for once in his life he should be 
 punctual to the appointed time, and not find 
 all things ready on his return. 
 
 Perhaps too the master of a family, on 
 days of household bustle, when extra busi- 
 ness has to be done, will not choose to rise 
 so early as usual ; or he will sit reading the 
 newspaper while his breakfast waits, and 
 thus keep every member of his family stand- 
 ing about unoccupied, with all the business 
 of the day before them. Or, he may be one 
 of those who like that women should be al- 
 ways ready long before the necessary time, 
 and thus habitually name an hour for meet- 
 ing, or setting out from home, at which he 
 has not the remotest intention of being ready 
 himself. 
 
 Now, as the time of women, if properly 
 employed, is too precious to be wasted, some- 
 thing surely may be done, not by endeavor- 
 ing to overrule the movements of such a 
 man so as to make him true to his own ap- 
 pointment, but by convincing him, that com- 
 mon honesty requires him simply to .state 
 the actual time at which he does intend to
 
 58 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 be ready. And here we see at once, one of 
 those numerous instances in which a reason- 
 able man will listen, and endeavor to amend ; 
 while an unreasonable man will either not 
 listen, or not take the slightest pains to im- 
 prove. 
 
 Again, there are men who like the import- 
 ance, and the feeling of power and decision 
 which it gives them, to set out on a journey 
 as if upon the spur of the moment, without 
 having communicated their intentions even 
 to the wife, who is most interested in making 
 preparations for such a movement. And 
 there are others, who when consulted about 
 any thing, cannot be brought to give either 
 their attention or their advice, so as to assist 
 the judgment of a wife, who would gladly 
 give satisfaction if she could ; yet when the 
 time to act upon their advice is past, will be- 
 stow their attention a little too severely upon 
 the unfortunate being, who, consulting her 
 own judgment as the only guide she had, 
 will most probably have done exactly what 
 they did not wish. 
 
 But it would be an endless task, to go on 
 enumerating instances of this description. I 
 have merely mentioned these as specimens 
 of the kind of daily and hourly trials which 
 most women have to expect in the married 
 state ; and which, as I have before stated, 
 may be greatly softened down, if not entirely 
 reconciled, by the consideration already al- 
 luded to. Besides which, it is but candid to 
 allow, that the greater proportion of these 
 offences against temper and patience, origin- 
 ate in one of those peculiarities in the charac- 
 ter of man which I have omitted to mention 
 in its proper place. I mean the incapability 
 under which he labors, of placing himself in 
 idea in the situation of another person, so as 
 to identify his feelings with theirs, and thus 
 to enter into what they suffer and enjoy, as 
 if the feeling were his own. 
 
 This capability appears to be peculiarly a 
 feminine one, and it exists among women in 
 so high a degree, as to leave them little ex- 
 cuse if they irritate or give offence to others ; 
 because this innate power which they possess 
 of identifying themselves for the moment 
 
 with another nature, might, if they would 
 use it for such a purpose, enable them not so 
 much to know, as to feel, when they were 
 giving pain, or awakening displeasure. Men, 
 as I have just stated, are comparatively des- 
 titute of this power, as well as of that of sym- 
 pathy, to which it is so nearly allied. When, 
 therefore, they appear to women so perverse, 
 and are consequently so difficult to bear 
 with, it is often from their being wholly un- 
 conscious of the actual state of the case ; of 
 the long entanglement of inconveniences 
 which their thoughtless ways are weaving ; 
 and consequently of the wounded feeling, 
 disappointment, and vexation, which such 
 thoughtlessness not unfrequently inflicts upon 
 the weaker mind of woman, when the whole 
 framework of her daily existence must be 
 regulated by the movements of a husband 
 who thinks of " none of these things." 
 
 But we have not yet sufficiently examined 
 that one consideration, which ever remains 
 to be weighed in the balance against the 
 trials of patience arising out of the conduct 
 of men. And here we must first ask have 
 you yourself no personal peculiarities exactly 
 opposed to your husband's notions of what is 
 agreeable 1 such as habits of disorder, dress- 
 ing in bad taste, or any other of those minor 
 deviations from delicacy or good breeding, 
 which he might not have had an opportunity 
 of observing before marriage ] 
 
 We all know that in men these peculiari- 
 ties are of little importance, compared with 
 what they are in the other sex. If, therefore, 
 you offend in these things, you run imminent 
 risk of impairing, by a succession of little an- 
 noyances, the warmth and the intensity of 
 your husband's affection ; for man's love, it 
 must ever be remembered, is far more de- 
 pendent than that of woman, upon having 
 the taste and the fancy always pleased, and 
 consequently upon reposing with perfect 
 complacency on the object of its regard. 
 Have we not all, then, abundant cause to be 
 grateful for being borne with in our infirmi- 
 ties, and loved in spite of our personal 
 defects 1 
 
 But if such peculiarities as these are of
 
 TRIALS OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 59 
 
 sufficient importance to cast a shadow over 
 the sunny spots of life, what must we say of 
 some others occasionally observable in the 
 character and conduct of women, to which 
 it is scarcely possible that much charity should 
 be extended] And here I would ask, if you 
 have never treasured up against your hus- 
 band, some standing cause of complaint, to 
 be thrown at him when an opportunity is 
 offered by the presence of a friend, or a 
 stranger, for discharging this weapon from 
 the household quiver with perfect safety to 
 yourself 7 Have you not upon the whole pre- 
 ferred having such grievances to complain 
 of, rather than taking such peaceable and 
 judicious measures as would be likely effect- 
 ually to accomplish their removal 1 
 
 Have you never, in addition to this, re- 
 fused an offer of personal gratification when 
 it was convenient or agreeable for your hus- 
 band to indulge you with it ; and professed 
 a somewhat exaggerated desire to accept of 
 it, when the thing was impossible, or at 
 least extremely difficult for your husband to 
 grant 1 
 
 Have you never made the most of house- 
 hold troubles, spread forth the appurtenances 
 of a wash, allowed the affairs of the kitchen 
 to extend themselves to the parlor, com- 
 plained unnecessarily of servants and work- 
 people, and appeared altogether in your own 
 person more harassed, exhausted, and for- 
 lorn, after your husband's return home, than 
 you did before, on purpose that he might be 
 compelled, not only to pity you, but to bear 
 a portion of your domestic discomfort him- 
 self! 
 
 When a concatenation of cross occur- 
 rences, hindrances, or mistakes, have ren- 
 dered every moment one of perplexity and 
 haste ; have you never, when involved with 
 your husband in such circumstances, added 
 fuel to the fire by your own petulance, or by 
 your still more provoking exclamations of 
 triumph, that you " thought it would come 
 to that ]" Or, when your husband has re- 
 turned at an hour considerably later than he 
 had appointed, have you never begun with 
 breathless haste to remonstrate with him, 
 
 and even allowed your remonstrances to ex- 
 tend to reproaches, before you gave him time 
 to vindicate himself, or to say whether he 
 had not in reality been unavoidably detained! 
 
 Now, it is impossible for any woman of 
 right feelings to hide from her conscience, 
 that if she chooses to marry, she places her- 
 self under a moral obligation to make her 
 husband's home as pleasant to him as she 
 can. Instead, therefore, of behaving as if it 
 was the great business of married life to com- 
 plain, it is her peculiar duty as a wife, and 
 one for which, by her natural constitution, 
 she is especially fitted, to make all her do- 
 mestic concerns appear before her husband 
 to the very best advantage. She has time 
 for her troubles and turmoils, if such things 
 must necessarily be, a fact which I am a little 
 disposed to question, when her husband is 
 absent, or when she is engaged exclusively 
 in her own department ; and if she would 
 make his home what it ought to be to him 
 " an ever-sunny place," she will studiously 
 shield him, as with the wings of love, from 
 the possibility of feeling that his domestic an- 
 noyances give weight and poignancy to those 
 more trying perplexities, which most men, 
 engaged either in business, or in public af- 
 fairs, find more than sufficient for their peace 
 of mind. 
 
 By those who write on the subject of tem- 
 per in connection with the happiness of mar- 
 ried life, much is generally said by way of 
 giving weight to the importance of guarding 
 against {lie first angry word. But though it 
 is unquestionably most desirable to keep the 
 tablet of experience as long unsullied as we 
 can, I do not see exactly how this rule ap- 
 plies more to offences of temper, than to any 
 other transgressions of the law of perfect love ; 
 for if it be felt, as it must be, a breach of this 
 law to utter an unkind expression ; it is equal- 
 ly so to allow any evidence to appear of a 
 disposition to act counter to a husband's 
 wishes, or even to forget or neglect what he 
 considers essential to his comfort 
 
 Indeed, so various are the circumstance? 
 to which any remarks upon the subject of 
 temper must apply, that the best possible plan
 
 60 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 which could be proposed for maintaining 
 harmony and good feeling in one instance, 
 might be the worst in another. As a case in 
 point, there are unquestionably some individ- 
 uals so constituted, that if in a moment of 
 irritation, they do not speak out, the smoth- 
 ered feeling forcibly pent up, assumes with 
 them the character of sullenness, and even 
 approaches to that of dislike towards the of- 
 fender. Besides which, we should never 
 know when we did offend, and might conse- 
 quently go on to the end of life inflicting per- 
 petual annoyance upon our fellow-creatures, 
 if there were no outward evidence of the de- 
 gree of displeasure which our inadvertences 
 were causing. 
 
 Not that I would by any means be guilty 
 of recommending an approach to those vio- 
 lent outpourings of heated and impassioned 
 feeling, which mark out some of the darkest 
 passages of human life," by the remembrance, 
 never to be obliterated, of angry and cruel 
 expressions not possible to be often repeated 
 without destroying the tenderness, and even 
 the very life, of love. What I would say on 
 the other side of the question, is simply this 
 that in reference to temper, no general rule 
 can be laid down, scarcely can any human 
 aid be called in, because of the diversity of 
 dispositions upon which the influence of tem- 
 per operates, and the difficulty to mere hu- 
 man reason of discovering exactly what is 
 best for every case. In this, as in every other 
 instance of human frailty, it is the power of 
 religion upon the heart and conduct, which 
 alone can afford any lasting or effectual help. 
 
 And after all, as the subject bears upon the 
 affection of human beings one towards an- 
 other, with creatures frail as we are, and in 
 a state of existence so imperfect as the pre- 
 sent, it is not by an exemption from all 
 offences that the purity or the strength of 
 human love can be maintained ; but far more 
 so by mutual forgiveness, by sympathy with 
 each other's infirmities, and by the constant 
 exercise of that charity which thinlceth no evil, 
 arid which suffereth long, and. is kind. 
 
 But leaving all further consideration of the 
 trials of temper, as a subject which from its 
 
 endless variety might rather be made to fill 
 volumes than pages ; we must turn to sub- 
 jects of a more serious and alarming nature, 
 and among these, it cannot be out of place to 
 speak first of the deterioration of a husband's 
 character, as taking precedence of other trials 
 incident to married life. 
 
 I have already said there can be no calam- 
 ity in the vast catalogue of human miseries, 
 at all comparable to watching the gradual 
 extinction of that guiding light from the moral 
 influence of a husband, to which a wife might 
 reasonably be allowed to look for her greatest 
 earthly encouragement in every effort to ad- 
 here to the dictates of duty, or the require- 
 ments of Christian principle. Here, then, it 
 becomes most important to inquire, what can 
 be done to stem the tide of evil, before it shall 
 have borne away the whole fabric of domes- 
 tic happiness. 
 
 A true-hearted woman, herself impressed 
 with the importance of moral and religious 
 principle, will ever be most studious of her 
 husband's safety in this respect ; and if her 
 own character, and her own example, are 
 such as to give w r eight to her remonstrances, 
 there is no calculating the degree to which 
 her influence may not extend. Women, too, 
 are often remarkably quick-sighted to the 
 minor shades of good and evil ; and they are 
 thus sometimes enabled to detect a lurking 
 tendency to what is wrong, before the mind 
 of man is awakened to suspicion. Even in 
 business, then, and in all affairs in which men 
 are most liable to be deluded by self-interest, 
 and by the prevailing customs of the world, 
 and thus are too frequently betrayed into 
 transactions at variance with the spirit, if not 
 with the letter, of the law of just and honora- 
 ble dealing ; a right-minded woman may 
 sometimes so place before her husband the 
 affair in which he is engaged, as to make 
 him see at once the error into which he 
 might have fallen ; and having seen this 
 clearly, she may possibly enjoy the satisfac- 
 tion of beholding him adopt, throughout his 
 intercourse with other?, a more strict and 
 equitable rule of action. 
 
 As this subject, however, in its highest and
 
 TRIALS OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 61 
 
 most serious import, belongs more properly 
 to a subsequent chapter, we will consider 
 more especially two particular defects in the 
 moral character of men, which may be truly 
 said, wherever they exist, to constitute the 
 severest and most painful trials of married 
 life. 
 
 The first of these is intemperance ; and 
 here I am aware that my own views on this 
 subject are scarcely such as ought to occupy 
 a place in this work ; not because I could not 
 earnestly recommend them to the adoption 
 of every English wife, but because, to do them 
 ample justice, I should be compelled to fill a 
 volume. 
 
 Intemperance, then, to treat it as a com- 
 mon vice, should, like every other evil ten- 
 dency, be watched in its commencement ; 
 and here the eye of a conscientious and de- 
 voted wife will be far better able to detect the 
 mischief, than his, who, perhaps, in the se- 
 cret of his heart, would rather not behold it 
 even if he could. I believe there is no diffi- 
 culty to a delicate-minded person, equal to 
 that of warning a beloved friend or relative 
 of his danger in this respect, else why do we 
 see so many hundreds nay, thousands look- 
 ing on, and not stretching out a helping hand 
 until it is too late 1 
 
 The fact is, that if impressed in any com- 
 mon measure with a sense of justice or of 
 generosity, we cannot do it, so long as we 
 ourselves pursue the same course, only not 
 exactly to the same extent. We cannot look 
 into the face of a familiar friend, and say 
 "If you take one glass more, you will be 
 guilty of a vulgar and degrading sin ; while 
 I, by taking one glass less, commit no sin at 
 all." And it must come to this, where it is 
 the degree, and not the act itself, which con- 
 stitutes the evil. It must come to the small- 
 est possible measurement, to mark that min- 
 ute, and ever shifting line, which separates 
 an act allowed and sanctioned by the wise 
 and good, from one which stamps a human 
 being with infamy in this world, and deprives 
 him of all title to admission into the Uessed- 
 ness of the world to come. 
 
 Leaving it then to women whose hearts 
 
 might have animated the wives of Sparta, if 
 the absence of all sympathy and tenderness 
 for the weak in their weak points, may rank 
 among the characteristics of those heroines 
 of the past leaving it to such women to sit 
 down every day to an indulgence, which in 
 a mere trifle of extent beyond their own meas- 
 ure of gratification, they would deny to a 
 husband I must candidly confess, that I am 
 wholly at a loss to know what to advise, 
 should that husband, advancing a little and 
 a little further by imperceptible degrees, at 
 last exceed the bounds of strict propriety, 
 and finally hasten on towards the "drunk- 
 ard's grave." 
 
 It is said again and again of such men, that 
 they ought to stop in time ; but which is the 
 time 1 It may vary according to the state of 
 their own health, as well as with the nature 
 of the refreshment of which they partake ; 
 while with no two individuals will it ever be 
 found exactly the same. Besides which, it 
 must always be remembered, that the right 
 time to stop, is the time when the intemper- 
 ate man least wishes to do so ; because in 
 exact proportion to his danger, has been his 
 inability to perceive it, and his increase of in- 
 clination to go onward towards excess. 
 
 Tell me then, ye wise and potent reasoners 
 on this subject, who hold yourselves above 
 the vulgar error of believing that total absti- 
 nence is the only safe and efficient means of 
 rescuing the tempted man from ruin, tell 
 me, or rather tell the afflicted wife, what I am 
 utterly unequal to, by what means she is to 
 conquer, or even to restrain, the habit of in- 
 temperance in her husband, except by in- 
 ducing him altogether to abstain, and by ab- 
 staining altogether herself. 
 
 One remark, however, may not be inap- 
 propriate here, as it applies equally to the 
 point of view in which the subject has so long 
 been held by the world in general, and to that 
 in which it is the happier privilege of some 
 in me present day to behold it. I mean that 
 a husband should never be made the subject 
 of reproach for transgressions of this nature. 
 If he be a man of feeling,-his spirit will be 
 sufficiently wounded by a sense of his own
 
 02 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 degradation ; and if not, he will only be hard- 
 ened by such treatment, and driven, as a 
 means of revenging himself, into still greater 
 excess. 
 
 Indeed, nothing but the utmost delicacy, 
 forbearance, and gentleness, will ever be 
 found to answer in such a case ; and what- 
 ever means are employed, they must be con- 
 fined in their operation to seasons of perfect 
 sanity, and especially reserved for those oc- 
 casions of fitful penitence, which often suc- 
 ceed to the most extravagant indulgence ; 
 when, partly from the weakness of an ex- 
 hausted frame, and partly from the satiety 
 of inclination, the victim of intemperance 
 will sometimes throw open his heart to a 
 confidential friend, whose kind and judicious 
 treatment of him at such times, may not im- 
 probably be rendered conducive to his ulti- 
 mate recovery. 
 
 Here, too, much may be done by making 
 his home all that it ought to be to a husband, 
 by receiving him on his return with cordial 
 smiles, by amusing him with pleasant conver- 
 sation, but, more than all, by exercising over 
 him, in a mild and prudent manner, that in- 
 fluence which it is the high privilege of a 
 loved and trusted wife to attain. 
 
 Could all women who encourage their hus- 
 bands in the commencement of intemperance, 
 not only by smiling with evident satisfaction 
 at any extraordinary proofs of good humor 
 or excitement as they begin to appear, but 
 beyond this, and far more effectually, by their 
 own example could all such women " look 
 to the end," and see the bitter fruits of this 
 trifling with the serious indications of a grow- 
 ing evil, they would stand appalled at the 
 magnitude of their own sufferings, in having 
 to watch from day to day, through their fu- 
 ture lives, the gradual extinction of all they 
 had ever loved in the being to whom they 
 must jtillbe united. They would see then 
 how thevery countenance may lose its beau- 
 ty, and like some hideous form that grows 
 upon us in a feverish dream, assume first one 
 aspect of distortion, and then another, until 
 all trace becomes extinct of the "divinity" 
 that stirred "within." They would see then 
 
 what an awful wreck is that presented by a 
 lost and polluted mind; and they would feel, 
 in all its reality, what it is to be desolate and 
 alone. For the woman thus circumstanced 
 must not complain. She must not ask for 
 sympathy, for that would be to expose the 
 folly and disgrace of him, about whom her 
 hopes still linger; over whose degraded 
 brow she would still fondly spread the soft 
 shadow of her tenderness, that no ray of 
 piercing light might reach it, to render more 
 conspicuous its deformity and its shame. 
 No ; she can only lock her griefs within her 
 own bosom, and be still. 
 
 It must be from ignorance, for the phe- 
 nomenon is not to be accounted for in any 
 other way than on the ground of ignorance 
 of what is to be found in human life, as well 
 as what is the capability of the human heart 
 for suffering and enjoying, which leads so 
 many kindly-disposed and well-intentioned 
 women into such culpable neglect of points 
 connected with this important subject 
 
 One would willingly believe it was because 
 they had never, even in idea, realized what 
 it must be to live through one long night of 
 anxious expectation, when the crisis of a 
 husband's fate had come, and when that sin- 
 gle night would decide whether he had suf- 
 ficient mastery over himself to resist, or 
 whether he would allow his inclination to 
 lead him for the last time over the barrier, 
 and finally to plunge himself and his helpless 
 family into irremediable wretchedness and 
 ruin. 
 
 It is in such seasons as these, that every 
 moment is indeed an age, and every pulse 
 like an advancing or receding wave, which 
 falls with heavy swell upon the shore of life. 
 And then what sharpening of the outward 
 senses ! what quickening of the ear to dis- 
 tant sounds, giving to that which lives not, a 
 vitality, until the very step is heard, and then 
 another wave of the fast-ebbing tide, and 
 all is gone, and all is silent as before. The 
 eye, too, though dim with tears, and wearied 
 out with watching, what does it not behold ! 
 creating out of " strange combinations" of 
 familiar things, some sudden and unexpected
 
 TRIALS OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 63 
 
 evidence that he has returned ! Yes, already 
 come ! Then follows an instantaneous flash 
 of self-reproach for having judged him with 
 too little kindness. But, no; the vision 
 fades away, and with it sinks the heart of the 
 too credulous believer. 
 
 And if such be the quickening of the out- 
 ward senses, what must be that of the differ- 
 ent faculties of the mind] of memory, 
 whose cruel task it is through those long 
 weary hours, to paint the smiling past, to 
 make it live again with such intensity of 
 loveliness, that while no actual form intrudes, 
 nor actual sound breaks through the chain of 
 thought, the phantasy grows real ; and old 
 impressions wake again, and voices speak 
 so kindly, and cordial looks, and gentle loving 
 acts, are interchanged, and pure soft feelings 
 towards each other, as in those early days 
 when the sweet " trysting time" was kept, 
 and hope made light of expectation. Oh, 
 agony ! It is a dream a very dream. 
 Nay, worse the vision of the sleeper may 
 return ; but this can never never live 
 again. 
 
 There is no credulity like that of love. 
 However dark may be the fear which alter- 
 nates with hope in the mind of her who is 
 thus situated, she has, under all, and support- 
 ing her through all the deep foundation of 
 her own unchanging love that love which 
 is strong as death. And by the same com- 
 prehensive rule, which to her includes in one 
 close union every faculty and feeling of her 
 soul by this rule she judges of her husband, 
 and calculates the probability of his return. 
 By this rule it is impossible that he should 
 forget her prayers, and her entreaties, her 
 sorrow, her suffering, and her tears. By 
 this rule, then, he must of necessity remem- 
 ber her in that gay circle, even when its mirth 
 and its revelry are at their height. She has 
 wronged him deeply wronged him, to think 
 he could forget. Another hour will find him 
 by her side, repaying, Oh, how richly ! all 
 her anxious fears. 
 
 With these sweet thoughts, she rises and 
 trims her fire again, and draws her husband's 
 chair beside the hearth, bethinking her, with 
 
 joyous recollection, of some other little acts 
 of kindness by which she may possibly be 
 able to make his home look more attractive. 
 But still he comes not ; and that strange sick? 
 ness of the heart begins again, and creeps 
 along her frame, until her very fingers ache 
 with anguish ; and tremblingly her hands are 
 clasped together, and were it not for prayer, 
 her heart would surely break with its strong 
 agony ; for still he comes not Yet, slowly 
 as the heavy hours drag on, the midnight 
 chime at last is heard, that solemn peal, which 
 tells to some its tale of peace, of safety, and 
 of home ; while it speaks to others but of 
 darkness, desolation, and despair. 
 
 But who shall fill from one sad moment to 
 another the page of busy thought, or paint 
 the ever-shifting scenes which flit before the 
 lonely watcher's mind 1 Another hour, and 
 still he comes not Yet hark ! It is his step 
 She flies to meet him Let us close a scene 
 for which earth holds no parallel ; for here 
 are mingled, horror, shame, repulsion and 
 contempt, with a soft tenderness like that of 
 some sad mother for her idiot child joy that 
 the shrouding wings of love once more can 
 shelter him bliss that no other eye but hers 
 is there to see kind yearning thoughts of 
 care to keep him in his helplessness from 
 every touch of harm feelings so gentle, yet 
 so powerful, of a strange gladness to be 
 near him in his degradation to press the 
 hand which no one else in the wide world 
 would hold to kiss the brow which has no 
 trace of beauty left ! And to do this, night 
 after night to live through all the changes 
 of this scene, through months and years, only 
 with less of hope, and more of anguish and 
 despair ! 
 
 Such is the picture not exaggerated, for 
 that would be impossible, of one short portion 
 in the experience of how many women ! We 
 cannot number them. They' are to be met 
 with in society of every grade, and yet soci- 
 ety for the most part can rest satisfied to do 
 nothing more than pity them. Nor scarcely 
 that ; for the same voice which speaks with 
 feeble lamentations of the suffering of the 
 wife, will often press the husband to the fes-
 
 64 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 tive, board, and praise the sparkling wine, 
 and urge him to partake. 
 
 But it is time to turn our attention to the 
 ^contemplation of another of the trials of mar- 
 ried life, of which it is to be hoped that few 
 who read these pages, will have any cause to 
 think with reference to themselves. It may 
 be said, " Why then remind them of the pos- 
 sibility that such causes of trial may, or do, 
 exist 1" I answer, that although the extreme 
 of the case to which I am about to allude, is, 
 happily for us, comparatively seldom known 
 among respectable families in the middle 
 ranks of life in England ; yet, there are de- 
 grees of proximity to these extremes, existing 
 sometimes where we should least expect to 
 find the cheerful aspect of domestic life cast 
 under such a cloud. 
 
 In reflecting seriously and impartially upon 
 the love of married life, we must all be forci- 
 bly impressed with the fact, that the love 
 which is most frequently presented to the 
 notice of the observer, is far from being such 
 as we ourselves should be satisfied to pos- 
 sess ; or, at all events, not such as women of 
 deep and sensitive feelings would expect to 
 meet with in the married state. It is true, 
 there are instances, and they can scarcely be 
 dwelt upon with too much admiration, where 
 the love of married life, in all its imperishable 
 beauty, outlives the bloom of youth, and sheds 
 a radiance like the sunset glow of evening, 
 around the peaceful passage of old age to- 
 wards the tomb. And were it not that in 
 such instances, we see the possibility of 
 earthly love being kept in all its vigor and its 
 freshness, uninjured by the lapse of time, it 
 would be useless to follow up the inquiry 
 every married woman ought to make by 
 what means is this love to be preserved ? 
 
 If in speaking of the peculiar trial about to 
 occupy our attention, I use the word unfaith- 
 fulness, to signify my meaning, it is less in 
 reference to those extremes of moral delin- 
 quency which sometimes stain the history of 
 private, as well as public life, than to those 
 slighter shades of the same character, which 
 more frequently flit across the surface of do- 
 mestic peaoe ; or, what is still more lament- 
 
 able, remain to cloud the atmosphere of home- 
 enjoyment, until the whole experience of 
 married life becomes as dull, and soulless, 
 and devoid of interest, as if the union was 
 simply one of habit or convenience, endured 
 with mutual indifference, yet dragged on with 
 decency and something like respect, because 
 it was "so nominated in the bond." 
 
 But is it right that creatures endowed with 
 capabilities for the highest and holiest enjoy- 
 ment, should be satisfied with this 1 Nay, is 
 it possible that happiness of so low a grade, 
 if one may call it such, can fill the heart 
 whose quick susceptibilities, whose trembling 
 emotions, and whose living depths, have been 
 formed to answer, and to echo every touch 
 and tone of feeling, from the highest thrill of 
 ecstasy, down to the lowest notes of wo 1 No : 
 if we are reckless how we turn from its high 
 destiny, a nature thus endowed ; if we will 
 thus sink the immortal in the material, so as 
 merely to work out with mechanical precision 
 the business of each day, in which the animal 
 nature holds pre-eminence over the spiritual, 
 we must not venture to complain that life is 
 vapid and monotonous, or that there is little 
 in this world to remind us of that blessedness 
 which is promised as the portion of the hap- 
 py in the next 
 
 Whatever we aim to possess as a privilege 
 even in this life, let it then be of the highest 
 order ; and having attained our wish, let us 
 seek to preserve that privilege unimpaired. 
 That which elevates the soul in its capability 
 of enjoyment, is always worthy of our care ; 
 while that which lowers it, is always to be 
 shunned and feared. In nothing is this more 
 important to be observed, than in the preser- 
 vation of earthly love. That which degrades 
 the standard of affection, degrades the whole 
 being ; and that which raises this standard, 
 raises also every faculty which can be con- 
 nected either immediately or remotely with 
 the exercise of the affections. 
 
 I have already described, in some particu- 
 lars, how that best gift of Providence, the 
 love of a faithful and devoted husband, is to 
 be preserved. We have now the painful 
 task of supposing that it has been allowed,
 
 TRIALS OF MARRIED LIFE. 
 
 65 
 
 by some means or other, to fall away. There 
 are faint and frequent symptoms of this de- 
 cline, of which the judgment takes no cogni- 
 zance, until after the heart has been made to 
 feel them ; and although I have already al- 
 luded to the folly and the danger of volunta- 
 rily looking out for such symptoms where 
 there is no reason to suppose they exist, there 
 may be equal, if not greater danger, in disre- 
 garding them where they do. 
 
 I will only mention as the fipst of these 
 symptoms, an increased tendency on the part 
 of the husband to be repelled or annoyed by 
 little personal peculiarities. And here it may 
 be observed, that almost every impression 
 injurious to the love of man in married life, 
 is personal or immediate, rather than remote. 
 Thus a husband will more easily forgive his 
 wife for an act of moral culpability, provided 
 it has no reference to himself, man for the 
 least personal affront, or the slightest occasion 
 for even a momentary sensation of disgust. 
 It consequently happens, that when affection 
 begins to wane, the husband often becomes 
 annoyed with the voice, the manner, the dress 
 of his wife, more than he is with those of 
 other women. She has, then, some peculiar 
 way of doing every thing which seems to jar 
 upon his senses ; and in time he ceases so 
 entirely to look, to listen, or to linger near 
 her, that unless more than commonly obtuse, 
 she must be made to feel that she has lost 
 her power to charm him, and when that is 
 lost alas, for the poor wife ! 
 
 Still we must not forget, that there are two 
 kinds of unfaithfulness, the one arising entire- 
 ly from estranged affection ; and the other 
 from attraction towards a different object. In 
 the latter case it does not always follow that 
 affection for the wife shall have become ex- 
 tinct, and therefore there is hope ; but, in the 
 former, the fact that man's love when once 
 destroyed is destroyed forever, excludes all 
 possibility of consolation, except from a high- 
 er and a surer source. As well might the 
 mourner weeping for the dead, expect by 
 tears and lamentations to reanimate the life- 
 less form ; as the unloved wife to recall the 
 affection of her husband, after the bloom and 
 
 tenderness of his love is gone. Who then 
 would incur the risk of so vast and irrepa- 
 rable a loss, by a neglect of those personal at- 
 tractions by which it was her study in early 
 life to charm? Who would allow a careless 
 or negligent demeanor to impress her hus- 
 band's mind with the conviction, that he was 
 not in her estimation of sufficient importance 
 to make it worth her while to please ? or who 
 would be willing that the powers of her rnind 
 should fall into disuse, when they might in 
 their happiest and yet most natural exercise, 
 be made conducive to the one great end of 
 increasing her husband's interest in his home ? 
 
 To feel herself an unequal companion to 
 the being whom of all others she would most 
 wish to please, to have never cultivated her 
 powers of conversation, and to be conscious 
 that her society is vapid and uninteresting, 
 must be one of the most painful and humilia- 
 ting feelings to which an amiable woman can 
 be subject : but to see, what is very natural 
 in such a case, that others have a power 
 which she has not, to call forth the higher 
 faculties of her husband's mind, to elevate 
 his thoughts, to charm his fancy, and to en- 
 liven his spirits ! Surely if the daughters of 
 England could realize by any exercise of their 
 imagination, the full intensity of feelings such 
 as these, they would cease to be careless 
 about the cultivation of those means of pro- 
 moting social and domestic happiness, with 
 which every woman who enters upon the 
 duties of a wife, ought to make herself ac- 
 quainted. 
 
 But beyond this vague and general feeling 
 of being neglected, and this incapacity for 
 doing any thing to avert so desolate a doom, 
 it sometimes happens that there is real cause 
 to suspect a transfer of the husband's interest 
 and affection to another. And although no- 
 thing can be more destructive to the happi- 
 ness of married life, or more at variance with 
 the nature of true and deep affection, than a 
 predisposition to suspicion on these points; 
 yet where the case is too evident to admit of 
 doubt, it would evince a culpable indifference 
 in the wife who could suffer it to remain un- 
 noticed.
 
 86 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 Here, however, if ever in the whole range 
 of human experience, it is necessary to act 
 with delicacy and caution. It is necessary, 
 in the first place, to be sure. In the next, no 
 selfish motive, no indignant feeling, no dis- 
 position to revenge, must mingle with what 
 is said or done on fo melancholy and mo- 
 mentous an occasion ; for though the dignity 
 of virtue, and the purity of the female char- 
 acter, as well as the temporal and eternal 
 good of the offender, alike require that some 
 decided measures should be adopted to avert 
 the evil; the wife herself must not forget, 
 that under such circumstances she possesses 
 no other than a legal claim that, as a being 
 to be cherished and beloved, she is utterly 
 discarded from her husband's heart that 
 scarcely is his home her own that her re- 
 spectability, her position in society, all that in 
 which an honored and a trusted wife delights, 
 are only nominally hers ; and that she is in 
 reality, or rather, in all which belongs to the 
 true feelings of a woman, a low, lost thing, 
 more lonely, pitiable, and degraded, than the 
 veriest outcast from society who still retains 
 a hold upon her husband's iove. What, then, 
 are admiration, wealth, or fame, to such a 
 woman ? Society, even though she were its 
 idol, would have no power to flatter her ; 
 nor could the wide world, with all its congre- 
 gated millions, awake within her desolate 
 bosom a single thrill of pride. No, there is 
 nothing but uncomplaining loneliness, and 
 utter self-abasement, for the portion of that 
 wife who cannot keep her husband's heart ! 
 It is in this spirit alone, that with any pro- 
 priety or any hope, she can appeal to a hus- 
 band's feelings, carefully guarding against al 
 expression of tenderness, no longer welcome 
 or desired ; and keeping, as it were, aloof in 
 her humility ; yet withal, casting herself upon 
 his pity, as one who is struck down by a be- 
 loved hand, will kiss the instrument of her 
 abasement; putting aside all selfish claims 
 as indeed she must ; and making it evident 
 that though her own happiness is wrecked 
 for ever, she cannot live without a hope, nor 
 breathe without a prayer, for him. 
 
 And surely, if all this is carried out to the 
 
 ull extent of woman's delicacy, disinterest- 
 
 dness, and truth ; and if accompanied by 
 
 arnest and unceasing prayer for that help 
 
 which no human power can then afford 
 
 mrely, towards a wife thus suffering and sin- 
 
 :ere, the husband whose heart is not yet 
 
 wholly depraved", could scarcely withhold his 
 
 )ity, his protection, and his love ! 
 
 And if the husband should relent, if he 
 should renounce the object of attraction to 
 lis wandering fancy, though nothing can ob- 
 iterate the past, or break the chain of asso- 
 ciation between that and the thousand appre- 
 lensions which must of necessity link them- 
 selves into the sad future ; all these dark 
 thoughts must be concealed within her bo- 
 som, intojwhose secret counsels, and more 
 .secret firiefe, no earthly friend must be ad- 
 i'.rd. Xt-iihcr must sadness cloud her 
 jrow, nor any lurking suspicion betray itself 
 upon the smooth surface of her after-life, but 
 vivacity and cheerfulness again must charm ; 
 while a manner disengaged, and a mind at 
 liberty to please, and receive pleasure in re- 
 turn, must prove the mastery of principle 
 over impulse of affection over self. 
 
 If with a wife thus circumstanced, the 
 power to forget should appear the greatest 
 mercy a kind Pravidence could bestow ; and 
 if this mercy being denied, the aspect of her 
 life should look too dark to be endured, she 
 must not forget that one earthly consolation 
 yet remains it is that of having kept her 
 own affection unchanged and true : and oil ! 
 howinfinitely preferable is the feeling ofliavt 
 ing borne unfaithfulness, than o/ having been 
 ainfaitn'ful ourselves \ "" 
 V But beyond, and~lar above such consola- 
 tion, is that of being remembered in her los 
 and low estate, by Him who chasteneth whom 
 he loceth ; of being permitted in her degrada- 
 tion to come and offer up her broken hear 
 to Him ; when deprived of every other stay 
 to call Him father, and to ask in humble faith 
 the fulfilment of His gracious promise of 
 protection to those who put their trust in 
 Him.
 
 POSITION IN SOCIETY. 
 
 67 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 POSITION IN SOCIETY. 
 
 IN a previous work, addressed to the 
 "Daughters of England," I have proposed 
 as the first serious inquiry of a thinking mind, 
 that all young persons entering upon the ac- 
 tive duties of life, should ask this question 
 what is my actual position 1 And if in the 
 season of early youth this question is import- 
 ant, it is equally, if not more so, immediately 
 after marriage, especially as the position of a 
 woman must always depend upon that of her 
 husband, where society is so constituted that 
 a man may raise or lower his wife, though 
 no woman, except in very peculiar cases, 
 can effect any material alteration in the rank 
 or station of her husband. 
 
 Thus it is highly important, in taking upon 
 herself the duties of a new home, that the 
 wife should ascertain precisely what is her 
 position with regard to those with whom she 
 associates ; for there is as great a deviation 
 from good sense, integrity, and right feeling, 
 in being servile to the great, as in being 
 haughty to the poor. 
 
 But it is impossible to enter upon this sub- 
 ject, without being afresh reminded of one 
 of those inconsistencies which mark the gen- 
 eral tone of feeling and habit in society of 
 the middle ranks in England. I mean a 
 striking inequality between the degree of re- 
 finement, self-indulgence, and luxury, existing 
 among men, and that which is generally 
 found among women of the same rank. In 
 families whose dependence is entirely upon 
 business, this is especially the case, at least 
 in our large towns and cities ; for, while the 
 sons are sent out at an early age, to engage 
 in all the drudgery of the shop or the ware- 
 house, the daughters remain at home, not 
 unfrequently the occupants of elegant draw- 
 ing-rooms, with little else to do than practise 
 their music lessons, manufacture their wax- 
 flowers, or pursue, according to the popular 
 notions of the day, those various and infallible 
 methods of renovating a feeble constitution, 
 which, in nine cases out of ten, in reality 
 wants nothing more than a little wholesome 
 
 activity to render it as strong as either hap- 
 piness or usefulness require. 
 
 Now, though it is far from the wish of the 
 writer to wage war against any of those in- 
 genious occupations which fill up the spare 
 time of young ladies in general, provided such 
 occupations are kept in their proper place, 
 and made to fill up spare time only ; yet, 
 against the morbid feelings both of mind and 
 body, which are engendered by a life of mere 
 trifling, all who wish well to the sex, both in 
 this and other countries, must feel it a sacred 
 duty to use such influence as they possess. 
 
 It is, however, the foolish pride, and the 
 false notions of what is, or is not, becoming, 
 naturally arising out of the state of existence 
 to which our young ladies of the middle class 
 of society in England are consigned, which, 
 more than any thing else, interfere with their 
 happiness, and prevent their being in reality 
 either a help, or a comfort, to the companions 
 whose lot they are bound to share for life. 
 
 England as a nation has little to boast of 
 beyond her intellectual and her moral power. 
 It is in this that her superiority is felt and 
 acknowledged by the world ; and in this it 
 might almost be allowed her to indulge a 
 sort of honest pride. That this power is 
 chiefly lodged 'with the middle classes, I 
 think all have agreed ; and that, originating 
 in them, it is made to operate more exten- 
 sively through the efficient instrumentality 
 of a comparatively well-ordered and wisely 
 governed population of working people. 
 
 What then would England gain indivi- 
 dually or collectively, by the middle classes 
 aspiring upwards to imitate the manners, 
 and adopt the customs of the aristocracy ! 
 No ; let her shopkeepers be shopkeepers 
 still her farmers, farmers and the wives 
 and daughters of such honest, manly, and 
 honorable citizens of the world, let them no 
 longer blush to owe the comfort of their 
 homes to the profits of a well-conducted 
 trade. 
 
 To say nothing of the want of right sub- 
 mission to the will of Providence, evinced by 
 being foolishly above the situation we are 
 1 born to ; it is in my opinion a sort of rebel-
 
 68 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 lion, or rather treachery, against the welfare 
 of our country, to be thus unwilling to main- 
 tain, what future ages will agree to have been 
 the glory of the times in which we live. 
 
 Besides which, it requires but little know- 
 ledge, but little observation of society in other 
 countries, and but little acquaintance with 
 the world in general, to see that those dis- 
 tinctions which give to one occupation so 
 much more dignity than another, must be 
 purely conventional. Let us look, as an in- 
 stance of this, at the vast difference we make 
 in our notions of gentility between wholesale 
 and retail business. And though a man of 
 noble birth, as he drives by necessity through 
 the bustling streets of London, would smile 
 at the idea that trade was not a degradation 
 of itself sufficient to exclude all notion of de- 
 gree ; yet the tradesman living at his shop 
 knows perfectly well, that his wife and daugh- 
 ters have no right to visit with the wife and 
 daughters of him who keeps his country 
 house, and sells en masse, from some dark 
 warehouse in the city, the self-same articles 
 in which the other deals. 
 
 Still these distinctions, strongly and clearly 
 as they are occasionally impressed upon the 
 inferior classes, become sometimes a little in- 
 tricate, as wealth enables its possessor to 'ad- 
 vance in the scale of luxury and indulgence. 
 When the city shopkeeper, for instance, ob- 
 tains sufficient to enable him to settle in his 
 rural villa, from whence he issues every 
 morning to his counting-house in town, the 
 wife and daughters who remain to set the 
 fashions of the village where they live how 
 immeasurably far are they from holding in- 
 tercourse with any of the shopkeepers there ! 
 Even when affairs connected with the wel- 
 fare of the neighborhood reader it necessary 
 to call upon the shopkeeper's wife, they meet 
 her in a manner the most distant, and the 
 most unlike what could by any possibility be 
 construed into friendship. 
 
 But in order to see more clearly the perfect 
 absurdity of such distinctions, we have only 
 to make a sudden transition of thought to 
 the state of a new colony, on some uncivil- 
 ized and distant shore ; and ask what differ- 
 
 ence any one would think of making there, 
 between the member of that little community 
 who should prepare the skins of wild animals 
 for general use, and him who should manu- 
 facture such skins into articles of wearing 
 apparel] or who would pronounce upon the 
 inferiority of occupation in him who should 
 employ himself each day in catering for a 
 single meal, to that of him who should, in a 
 longer space of time, provide for many meals 
 together ] 
 
 That the man who held tho reins of gov- 
 ernment over such a community, would 
 merit some distinction, I am free to allow, 
 because his situation would be one to which 
 he must have risen either by his own superi- 
 ority of mind, or by the unanimous consent 
 of the rest, who agreed, at the time they ap- 
 pointed him to the office, to evince towards 
 him the respect which is always due to influ- 
 ence rightly exercised. In the same manner, 
 and according to their different degrees of 
 capability, many of the others would, no 
 doubt, work their way to offices of responsi- 
 bility and trust, instituted for the good of the 
 whole body, and each entitled to its share of 
 respect and confidence. But that working 
 in one material more than another, handling 
 one article of food or apparel, or even deal- 
 ing in a large or a small way, with those 
 who buy and sell, should be able to create 
 distinctions of such importance as to sepa- 
 rate society into mere fractions, or to invest 
 one party with honor, and cast odium upon 
 the other, is a phenomenon which has been 
 left for the enlightened stage of civilization in 
 which we live, fully to develop, though the 
 march of intellect has hitherto failed to re- 
 duce the whole to a system, so as to be un- 
 derstood and acted upon with any degree of 
 certainty and precision. 
 
 It may be said, and perhaps with too much 
 truth, that the business of shopkeeping, as it 
 is generally conducted, has little tendency to 
 ennoble the character ; and that perpetually 
 striving to please for purposes of self-interest, 
 those who in reality are sometimes cordially 
 despised, is lowering to the dignity of a man, 
 to say nothing of a gentleman.
 
 POSITION IN SOCIETY. 
 
 [t may be asked, on the other hand, who, 
 in the present state of society, is exempt 
 from this particular kind of degradation? 
 The lawyer, who may be said almost to hold 
 the destinies of his fellow-creatures in his 
 hand he cringes to his wealthy client, and 
 often works his way to distinction by conceal- 
 ing his real sentiments, and pretending to be 
 other than he is. The doctor, too, with his 
 untiring patience, and his imperturbable se- 
 renity, approaching with apparent kindness 
 and respect, where every feeling of his soul 
 is repelled who would speak of him as an 
 independent man, more especially in the out- 
 set of his career ? Nor is this less the case 
 with other professions, all which, however, 
 are esteemed more honorable, and conse- 
 quently more eligible, than any kind of trade. 
 
 But still 
 
 " A man's a man for a' that ;" 
 and let his occupation be what it may, it is 
 the honest heart, the upright principle, the 
 steady mind, and the unbiased judgment, 
 which give him dignity wherever he may be 
 placed. The man who possesses these qual- 
 ifications, in addition to a far-stretching and 
 enlightened intellect, must ever be a pillar to 
 the state in which he lives, for he will up- 
 hold its integrity, and without such men no 
 nation can be truly great 
 
 As the chosen companion of such a man, 
 is it possible, then, that an English woman 
 born to the same rank in society, should 
 blush to acknowledge herself a tradesman's 
 wife ] Nor is this all. It is not the bare ac- 
 knowledgment that she is so, which can in 
 any way be made to answer the demands of 
 duty, but a perfect willingness to adapt her- 
 self in every respect to her situation, so as to 
 answer its various requirements to the satis- 
 faction of all around her. And here the sis- 
 ters who have been separated so widely from 
 their brothers in the formation of their social 
 and domestic habits, are found so often and 
 so lamentably at fault ; not always because 
 they are unwilling to do what duty may re- 
 quire, but because from having early imbibed 
 false notions of what is really honorable, and 
 really degrading, they do their duty, if at all, 
 
 m a troubled, fretful, and discontented spirit, 
 as much at variance with what a husband 
 would naturally desire in the companion of 
 his home, as with what ought to be exhibited 
 as the graces of the Christian character. 
 
 Yet what can be expected of such wives, 
 for they have their sickly sensibilities arising 
 out of the false position they have held, and 
 for which they have been training ; they have 
 the romance engendered by indolence and 
 light reading; they have the love of self, 
 which personal indulgence has strengthened 
 into a habit ; they have their delicate consti- 
 tutions, and their thousand ailments they 
 have all these to contend with, and all opera- 
 ting powerfully against the cheerful perform- 
 ance of the new duties in which they are in- 
 volved. 
 
 Who can have witnessed the situation of 
 such women in their married state, without 
 longing to awaken the whole sisterhood to a 
 different estimate of duty, and of happiness 1 
 Who can have observed their feeble striving 
 after nobler effort, when too late to attain the 
 power of making it to any useful purpose 
 the spirit broken, the health impaired, the 
 beauty and vivacity of youth all gone ; the 
 few accomplishments upon which their time 
 was wasted, forgotten, or remembered only 
 as a dream ; the wish without the hope to do 
 better for the future, than has been done for 
 the past, the failing of pecuniary means, re- 
 sources gradually diminishing in proportion 
 to the increase of demand sickness, ser- 
 vants, children, and their education, all re- 
 quiring more and more who that has ever 
 looked upon all this, and there are not a few 
 among the boasted homes of England where 
 the reality of this picture might be found, 
 would not yearn with aching heart over so 
 lamentable a waste of good feeling and in- 
 tention, arising solely out of the early, but 
 wrong basis of the female mind with regard 
 to common things 1 
 
 But let us not despair. Where ignorance 
 and not perverseness constitutes the founda- 
 tion of any prevailing evil, the whole may 
 easily be remedied. Let us look then again 
 at the constitution of English society, at the
 
 70 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 vast proportion of good which is effected by 
 the middle classes, at the mass of intellect it 
 comprehends, at the genius by which it is 
 adorned, at the influence it commands, at the 
 dignity with which it is invested by the state, 
 and last, but not least, at its independence ; 
 for if, on the one hand, it claims exemption 
 from the necessary hardships and restrictions 
 of the poor, on the other, it is equally privi- 
 leged in its exemption from the arbitrary re- 
 quirements of exalted rank. 
 
 It is unquestionably one of the great ad- 
 vantages of being born to this station, that 
 we are comparatively free to think and act 
 for ourselves ; that our heritage is one of 
 liberty, with the rational enjoyment of which 
 no one has a right to interfere. We have 
 our intellectual privileges, too, and leisure 
 for the cultivation of the mind ; our social 
 meetings, where we dare to speak the hon- 
 est feelings of the heart, no man being able 
 to make us afraid ; our hospitality unshack- 
 led by the cold formalities of rank ; our homes 
 supplied with every comfort, and it may be, 
 adorned with elegance ; our fireside pleas- 
 ures uninterrupted ; our ingatherings of 
 domestic joy sacred to those who dwell be- 
 neath the same protecting roof; and no in- 
 terference with our sentiments, or our reli- 
 gion, but each one left to follow out the pur- 
 pose of a merciful Creator, by choosing his 
 Bible and his conscience as his only guide. 
 
 And what could any reasonable woman 
 wish for more ] Or having found herself a 
 member of a community thus constituted, 
 why should she reject its noble privileges, for 
 the sake of any feeble hold she may obtain 
 of such as belong more probably to another, 
 and a higher sphere ? 
 
 I have already stated, in an earlier por- 
 tion of this work, that true dignity can only 
 be maintained by adaptation to our cir- 
 cumstances, whatever they may be : thus 
 there can be no dignity in assuming what 
 does not belong to our actual position in so- 
 ciety ; though many temptations to fall into 
 this error are placed in the way of women in 
 general. When, for instance, the wife of a 
 respectable tradesman is associated with per- 
 
 sons of superior rank in the duties of private 
 or public charity, she is frequently treated 
 with a degree of kindness and freedom, 
 which, if not on her guard against the fasci- 
 nating manners of that class of society, might 
 easily beguile her into the belief that no real 
 difference wf rank was felt to exist But just 
 in proportion as she would herself desire to be 
 affable and kind to those beneath her, without 
 such kindness being presumed upon as an 
 evidence of equality ; so it often happens that 
 ladies of rank do really enjoy a certain degree 
 of friendly and social intercourse with women 
 of good sense occupying a lower station, 
 when at the same time they would shrink 
 away repelled by the least symptom of the 
 difference of rank being forgotten by the in- 
 ferior party. 
 
 It is the instinct of natural delicacy then 
 which leadsus rather to withdraw our famil- 
 iarity, than to have it withdrawn from ; and 
 if thus sensible of what is her proper sphere, 
 and scrupulous to observe its limits, a right- 
 minded woman need never be made to feel 
 that she is not respected ; although the mo- 
 ment she steps beyond the boundary of that 
 sphere, the true dignity of her character will 
 be gone. 
 
 Nor is this the case with her position in 
 society alone. All misapprehensions about 
 herself, such as supposing she is beautiful 
 when she is not, or highly gifted when no 
 evidence of talent appears, or important 
 when she has no influence all these mis- 
 takes are calculated to deprive a woman of 
 that dignity which is the inalienable posses- 
 sion of all who fill with perfect propriety their 
 appointed place. 
 
 It is scarcely necessary in the present state 
 of society to point out, on the other hand, the 
 loss of character and influence occasioned by 
 living below our station ; for if in some indi- 
 vidual minds there is an inherent tendency 
 to sink and grovel in their own sphere, or to 
 be servile and cringing to those above them ; 
 such a propensity forms so rare an exception 
 to the general character of the times in which 
 we live, as scarcely to need any further com- 
 ment, more especially as such a disposition
 
 POSITION IN SOCIETY. 
 
 71 
 
 is exposed by its own folly to that contempt 
 which constitutes its proper punishment. 
 
 It is, however, deeply to be regretted, that 
 often where this tendency is not inherent, 
 nor consequently a part of individual charac- 
 ter, it has in too many instances been induced 
 by the severe and constant pressure of pecu- 
 niary difficulties, rendering it an act of ne- 
 cessity, rather than of choice, that the favor 
 of the distinguished or the wealthy should be 
 sought, and their patronage obtained, as the 
 only means of ensuring success, and some- 
 times as the only hope of preserving a help- 
 less family from want or ruin. 
 
 Pitiable as this situation may be, and fre- 
 quent as there is every reason to fear it is, 
 much may be done in cases of this kind to 
 keep up the moral dignity of a husband and 
 a family, by the influence of a high-principled 
 wife, who will make it the study of her life 
 to prove that it is not in the power of cir- 
 cumstances to degrade an upright and inde- 
 pendent mind. 
 
 If, then, it is a duty of paramount import- 
 ance for a wife to ascertain what is her ex- 
 act position in society, and to endeavor to 
 adapt herself to it wherever it may be ; her 
 next duty is to consider well the manner of 
 doing this. We can all feel, in the case of 
 our servants and dependents, the vast differ- 
 ence there is between a willing and an un- 
 willing service. How striking then must be 
 this difference, where all the social affections, 
 and the best feelings of the heart, are impli- 
 cated, as they must be, in the conduct of a 
 wife ! 
 
 I can think of no more appropriate word 
 by which to describe the manner in which 
 her duties ought to be performed, than the 
 homely phraseology we use, when we speak 
 of things being done heartily ; for it is pre- 
 cisely in this way that she may most effect- 
 ually prove to her husband how entirely she 
 considers her destiny, with all its hopes, and 
 all its anxieties, to be identified with his. 
 As a mere matter of policy, too, nothing can 
 be more likely to ensure the happiest results, 
 since whatever we do heartily, produces in 
 one sense its own reward, by stimulating in- 
 
 to healthy activity the various powers of the 
 mind and body, and thus exciting a degree 
 of energy and cheerfulness, alike calculated 
 to enhance the pleasure of success, or to 
 support under the trial of disappointment 
 While on the other hand, a shrinking, re- 
 luctant, halfish way of falling in with the re- 
 quirements of duty, by perpetuating the sen- 
 sation of self-sacrifice, and dragging out each 
 individual effort into a lingering and painful 
 struggle, is not more likely to produce the 
 most unfavorable impression upon the minds 
 of those with whom we are associated, than 
 to weary out our own inclination to do right, 
 at the same time that it effectually destroys 
 our happiness and our peace of mind. 
 
 I have thus far, in relation to position in 
 society, spoken only of cases in which the 
 wife may be liable to feel that her situation 
 is a humiliating one, and I have been com- 
 pelled to do this at some length from the 
 fact already noticed, of the sisters in familie's 
 connected with business, being generally so' 
 far in advance of their brothers, not only as 
 regards their notions of what is suitable or 
 becoming, to themselves, but also the habits 
 they have cultivated of refinement and per- 
 sonal indulgence, as to render it scarcely 
 possible for them to marry in the same sphere 
 of life, without having much to endure before 
 they can enter with full purpose of heart into 
 all the requirements of their new situation. 
 
 But if cases of this kind constitute the ma- 
 jority of those which fall under our notice, 
 we must not forget that in English society, 
 it is the privilege of many persons in the 
 middle ranks to be placed in circumstances 
 of affluence and ease, where the luxuries of 
 life, and even its elegances, may properly be 
 enjoyed. And if the first aspect of such a 
 lot should present the idea of greater per- 
 sonal indulgence being its lawful accompani- 
 ment; on the other hand, the serious and 
 reflecting mind must be struck with the im- 
 portant fact, that in proportion to more ex- 
 tensive means of enjoyment, must be a widrr 
 influence, and a greater amount of re- 
 sponsibility. 
 
 To use this influence aright, and to render
 
 72 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 to her conscience a strict account of these 
 responsibilities, will be no light undertaking 
 to the English, wife ; and as we live, happily 
 for us, in a country where channels are per- 
 petually opened for our benevolence, and 
 opportunities perpetually offered for our ef- 
 forts to do good, we cannot, if we would, 
 rest satisfied with the plea, that our disposi- 
 tion towards usefulness meets with no field 
 for its development 
 
 It so happens, however, that the same po- 
 sition in society which presents such facilities 
 for the exercise of better feeling, presents 
 also innumerable temptations to the gratifi- 
 cation of female vanity, indolence, and self- 
 indulgence, with all the evils which common- 
 ly follow in their train. The very title of this 
 chapter "Position in Society," where it 
 conveys an idea of wealth and influence, 
 never fails to conjure up a host of enemies to 
 simple Christian duty, some of which are so 
 deceptive and insidious, as effectually to es- 
 cape detection, until their magnitude, as 
 plants of evil growth, becomes a cause of 
 just alarm. 
 
 The great facility with which the elegan- 
 ces and luxuries of life are now obtained, 
 and the general competition which prevails 
 throughout society with regard to dress, furni- 
 ture, and style of living, present to a vain and 
 unenlightened woman, an almost irresistible 
 temptation to" plunge into that vortex of extrav- 
 agance, display, and worldly-mindedness, in 
 which, I believe, a greater amount of good in- 
 tention has been lost, than by the direct as- 
 sault of enemies apparently more powerful. 
 
 Again, the indolence almost necessarily in- 
 duced by the enjoyment to a great extent of 
 the luxuries of life how often is this foe to 
 health and cheerfulness dressed up in the 
 cloak of charity, and made to assume the 
 character of kindness to the poor, in offering 
 them employment Not that I would be 
 guilty of endeavoring to divert from so ne- 
 cessitous a channel the proper exercise of 
 real charity ; but at the same time that we 
 advocate the cause of the poor, let us call 
 things by their right names ; and if we em- 
 ploy more servants than are necessary, or 
 
 send out our work to be done by those who 
 need the utmost amount of what we give 
 them for doing it, let us not take advantage 
 of this disposition of our affairs, to spend the 
 time which remains upon our hands in Mdle- 
 ness ; but let us rather employ, in a higher 
 sphere of usefulness, those faculties of mind, 
 and those advantages of education, the free 
 exercise of which constitutes one of the 
 greatest privileges of an exalted station. 
 
 The same temptations which spread the 
 snare of indolence around the feet of the un- 
 wary, are equally potent in their power to 
 beguile into habits of self-indulgence. And 
 here the fancied or real delicacy of constitu- 
 tion which seems in the present day to be 
 the birthright of Englishwomen, with all that 
 spectral host of nervous maladies, which so 
 often paralyze their energies, and render nu- 
 gatory their efforts to do good here, in this 
 most privileged of all positions of human life, 
 most frequently assail the female frame, so as 
 often to reduce their pitiable victim to a mere 
 nonentity as regards one great end of her ex- 
 istence usefulness to her fellow-creatures. 
 
 Far be it from me to speak with unkind- 
 ness or want of sympathy of those maladies 
 of mind and body, which, under the general 
 head of nervous disorders, I believe to con- 
 stitute some of the greatest miseries which 
 " flesh is heir to." But having never found 
 them to exist to any serious extent where 
 constant occupation of head and hand, and 
 heathful bodily exercise, were kept up with 
 vigorous and unremitting effort ; I feel the 
 more anxious that English wives should not 
 create for themselves, out of their habits of 
 personal indulgence, so formidable an enemy 
 to their own enjoyment, and to the beneficial 
 influence which, as Christian women, they 
 are capable of exercising to an almost incal- 
 culable extent 
 
 I feel anxious also, that some pictures, too 
 frequently witnessed by us all, should never 
 be realized in their experience pictures in 
 which a sickly, helpless, desponding wife, 
 forms the centre of a group of neglected 
 children, whose boisterous mirth she is little 
 able to endure, and whose numerous wants,
 
 POSITION IN SOCIETY. 
 
 73 
 
 all unrestrained, remind her every moment, 
 with fresh pain, of her inability to gratify 
 them. 
 
 That a woman thus situated, is, under ex- 
 isting circumstances, more to be pitied than 
 blamed, we should be wanting in common 
 feeling to deny ; but in comparing her situa- 
 tion with that of a healthy, active, cheerful- 
 epirited wife, prompt to answer every claim, 
 and happy in the discharge of every duty ; 
 and when we see how such a woman, merely 
 by the exercise of moral power, and often 
 without the advantages of any extraordinary 
 intellectual gifts, can become the living prin- 
 ciple of activity, order, and cheerfulness in 
 her own family, the adviser whom all consult, 
 the comforter to whom all repair, and the 
 support upon whom all depend, happy in 
 herself, and diffusing happiness around her 
 oh how we long that those dispositions, 
 and those habits, both of mind and body, 
 should be cultivated in early youth, which 
 would be most likely to ensure such blessed 
 results as the experience of riper years ! 
 
 Much of this habitual cheerfulness, and 
 this willing submission to the requirements 
 of duty, is to be attained by the proper regu- 
 lation of our aims with regard to common 
 things ; but especially by having chosen a 
 right standard of excellence for every thing we 
 do. For want of aiming at the right thing, 
 the whole course of human life, which 
 might be so richly diversified with enjoyment 
 of various kinds, is often converted into a 
 long, fruitless, and wearisome struggle, first 
 to attain a happiness which is never found, 
 and then to escape a misery which too surely 
 pursues its mistaken victim. 
 
 The married woman cannot, then, too fre- 
 quently ask herself, " What is it which con- 
 stitutes the object of my greatest earthly de- 
 sire 1 and at what standard do I really aim V 
 Nor let us deceive ourselves either in asking 
 or in answering these questions ; for if it be 
 essential to integrity that we should be sin- 
 cere with others, it is no less so that we 
 should be sincere with ourselves. 
 
 If, then, we are weak enough to aim at be- 
 ing the centre of a brilliant circle, let us not 
 
 pretend that we court notoriety for the pur- 
 pose of extending our influence, and through 
 that, our means of doing good.* If we aim at 
 surpassing our neighbors in the richness of 
 of our furniture, the splendor of our enter- 
 tainments, and the costliness of our dress, 
 let us not deceive ourselves into the belief, 
 that it is for the sake of encouraging the 
 manufactures and the people of our own 
 country. If we aim at taking the lead in af- 
 fairs of moment, and occupying the first 
 place among those with whom we associate, 
 let us not do this under the plea of being 
 forced into a conspicuous situation against 
 our will, in compliance with the wish of 
 others, and under the fear of giving them of- 
 fence. Let us, I repeat, be honest with our- 
 selves, for this is our only chance of ever 
 arriving at any satisfactory conclusion, or at- 
 taining any desirable end. 
 
 And if we would ascertain with certainty 
 what is the actual standard of excellence 
 which in idea we set up for ourselves, for all 
 persons, whether they know it or not, have 
 such a standard, we have only to ascertain 
 to what particular purpose our thoughts and 
 actions most uniformly tend. If the most 
 brilliant and striking characters are those 
 which we consider most enviable, we may 
 easily detect in ourselves a prevailing en- 
 deavor, in what we say or do, to produce an 
 impression, and consequently to render our- 
 selves conspicuous, than which, nothing can 
 be more out of keeping with the right position 
 of a married woman, nor more likely to ren- 
 der her, at the summit of her wishes, a mark 
 for envy, and all uncharitableness. 
 
 But a far more frequent, and more exten- 
 sively prevailing standard of excellence, is 
 that which consists in giving the best dinners, 
 exhibiting the most costly furniture, being 
 dressed in the newest fashion, and making 
 every entertainment go off in the most suc- 
 cessful manner. How many heads and 
 hearts are made to ache by this ambition, it 
 must be left for the private history of every 
 family to record. What sleepless nights, 
 what days of toil, what torturing anxieties, 
 what envyings, what disputes, what back-
 
 71 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 failings, and what bitter disappointments arise 
 out of this very cause, must be left for the 
 same record to disclose. And if in the oppo- 
 site scale we tvould weigh the happiness en- 
 joyed, the good imparted, or the evil over- 
 come by the operation of the same agency, 
 1 we behold a blank; for let the measure of 
 success be what it may, there is no extreme 
 of excellence to which this ambition leads, 
 but it may be exceeded by a neighbor, or 
 perhaps a friend ; and where wealth can 
 purchase all that we aspire to, we must 
 ever be liable to the mortifying chance of be- 
 ing compelled to yield precedence to the ig- 
 norant and the vulgar-minded. 
 
 Nothing, in fact, can be more vulgar, or 
 more in accordance with the lowest grade 
 of feeling, than an ambition of this kind. 
 Not only is it low in its own nature, but low 
 in all the calculations it requires, in all the 
 faculties it calls into exercise, and in all the 
 associations it draws along with it Yet, 
 who shall dethrone this monster from its 
 place in the hearts of English wives, where 
 it gives the law to private conduct, levies a 
 tax upon industry, monopolizes pecuniary 
 profit, makes itself the arbiter in cases of 
 difficulty or doubt, rules the destiny of fami- 
 lies, and finally gives the tone \o public feel- 
 ing, and consequently the bias to national 
 character 1 
 
 I ask again, who shall dethrone this mon- 
 ster? Perhaps there would be little weight 
 attached to my assertion, if I were to say 
 that it is within the sphere of woman's influ- 
 ence to do this ; that it rests with the wives 
 of England to choose whether they will go 
 on to estimate their position in society by the 
 cost of their furniture, and the brilliance of 
 their entertainments ; or, by the moral and 
 intellectual character of their social inter- 
 course, by the high principle which regulates 
 their actions, and by the domestic happiness 
 to be found within their homes. 
 
 So long as we esteem those we meet with 
 in society according to the fashion of their 
 dress, the richness of their ornaments, or the 
 style in which they live, it is a mockery of 
 w'ords to say that our standard of excellence 
 
 does not consist in that which money can 
 purchase, or a vain and vulgar ambition at- 
 tain. And so long as we feel cast down, dis- 
 appointed, and distressed at being outshone 
 in these outward embellishments, it is a cer- 
 tain proof that we are not attaching supreme 
 importance to such as adorn the mind. 
 
 I am fully aware, in writing on this subject, 
 that I am but lifting a feeble voice against the 
 giant-force of popular feeling ; that the state 
 of our country, presenting an almost univer- 
 sal tendency towards an excess of civiliza- 
 tion, added to the improvement in our manu- 
 factures, and the facility with which every 
 kind of luxury is now obtained, are causes 
 perpetually operating upon the great mass 
 of the people, so as to urge them on to a state 
 of eager competition in the display of all 
 which money can procure ; and that this 
 competition is highly applauded by many, as 
 beneficial to the nation at large, and espe- 
 cially so when that nation is considered mere- 
 ly as a mass of instrumentality, operating 
 upon what is purely material. 
 
 But I am aware also, that this very cause, 
 operating so widely and so powerfully as it 
 does, ought to furnish the impetus of a new 
 movement in society, by which the intellec- 
 tual and the spiritual shall, by a fresh effort, 
 be roused to its proper elevation above the 
 material ; and this necessary and truly noble 
 effort, I must again repeat, it is in the power 
 of the wives of England to make. 
 
 Nor would this great movement in reality 
 be so difficult to effect, as we might be led to 
 suppose from looking only at the surface of 
 society, and observing the multiplicity of in- 
 stances in which a false standard of excel- 
 lence is established. We are sometimes too 
 much influenced in our opinions, as well as 
 too much discouraged in our endeavors to 
 do good, by a superficial observation of the 
 general state of things in social life ; for there 
 is often an under-current of feeling towards 
 what is just and good, at work in the minds 
 of those who, from being deficient in the 
 moral power to act upon their own convic- 
 tions, fall in with the superficial tide, and go 
 along with the stream, against their better
 
 POSITION IN SOCIETY. 
 
 judgment, if not against their real inclina- 
 tions. 
 
 Thus, in a more close and intimate ac- 
 quaintance with the world, we find, to our 
 frequent satisfaction, that a combination of 
 intellectual superiority and moral worth, is 
 not in reality so lightly esteemed as at first 
 we had supposed; that the weak and the 
 vain, who spend their lives in striving after 
 that which truly profiteth not, are dissatisfied 
 and weary with their own fruitless efforts, 
 and that others a little more gifted with un- 
 derstanding, and enlightened by juster views, 
 though engaged in the same unprofitable 
 struggle, would be more than glad of any 
 thing that would assist them to escape from 
 their grovelling anxieties, and low entangle- 
 ments, so as in an open and decided manner 
 to declare themselves on the side of what is 
 intrinsically good, and consequently worthy 
 of their utmost endeavors to attain. 
 
 Thus we find too, in spite of popular pre- 
 judice against a simple dress, or a homely 
 way of living, that respectability, and genuine 
 worth of character, are able not only to give 
 dignity to any position in society, but also to 
 command universal respect from others ; and 
 that, while few are bold enough to imitate, 
 there is no small proportion of the commu- 
 nity who secretly wish they were like those 
 noble-minded individuals, who dare to aim at 
 a true standard of excellence in the forma- 
 tion of their own habits, and the general con- 
 duct of their families. 
 
 Shall we then go on in the same way, 
 forcing ourselves to be contemptible, and de- 
 spising the bondage to which we submit 1 It 
 is true, the effort necessary to be made, which 
 the state of the times, and the satisfaction of 
 our consciences, alike require of us, is hard 
 for any single individual. But let us stand 
 by each other in this great and noble cause. 
 Let the strong endeavor to encourage and 
 sustain the weak ; and let us prove, for the 
 benefit of succeeding generations, how much 
 may be done for the happiness of our homes, 
 and the good of our country, by being satis- 
 
 fied with the position in which Providence 
 has placed us, and by endeavoring to adorn 
 that position with the lasting embellishments 
 which belong to an enlightened understand- 
 ing, a well-regulated mind, and a benevolent, 
 sincere, and faithful heart. 
 
 Our standard of excellence will then be no 
 longer found in the most splendid jewelry, or 
 the costliest plate ; for in all these the vulgar 
 and the ignorant may easily attain pre-emi- 
 nence ; but in the warmest welcome, the 
 kindest service, the best-regulated household, 
 the strictest judgment of ourselves, the most 
 beneficial influence, the highest hopes for fu- 
 turity, and the largest amount of domestic 
 and social happiness which it is ever permit- 
 ted to the families of earth to enjoy. 
 
 It is needless to say that all these embel- 
 lishments to life may be ensured without re- 
 gard to position in society ; and if such were 
 made the universal standard of excellence 
 among the wives of England, much, if not 
 all, the suffering which prevails wherever 
 happiness is made to consist in what money 
 can procure, would cease to be found within 
 our homes ; while, rising thus above our cir- 
 cumstances, we should no longer be subject 
 in our hopes and fears to the fluctuations of 
 commerce, or the uncertainty of a position 
 depending solely upon its pecuniary advan- 
 tages. We should then feel to be resting on 
 a sure foundation, just in proportion as our 
 standard was faithfully upheld. I do not say 
 that we should be free from troubles, for such 
 are the lot of all ; but that single wide-spread- 
 ing source of anxiety, which from its vastness 
 appears in the present day to swallow up all 
 others the anxiety to attain a position higher 
 than our own proper sphere, would then van- 
 ish from our land ; and with it such a host 
 of grievances, that in contemplating so bless- 
 ed a change in our domestic and social con- 
 dition, I cannot but again entreat the wives 
 of England to think of these things, and finally 
 to unite together in one firm determination 
 to establish a new and a better standard by 
 which to estimate their position in society.
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 DOMEST/C MANAGEMENT. 
 
 CLOSELY connected with the subject already 
 dwelt upon, is that of domestic management ; 
 since whatever standard we choose, and what- 
 ever principles we adopt as our rule of action, 
 will develop themselves in the system we 
 pursue with regard to the conduct of our do- 
 mestic affairs. 
 
 If, therefore, to appear well with the world 
 according to the popular standard, be our su- 
 preme desire, the tendency of our domestic 
 regulations will be to make, before our friends 
 and associates, the greatest possible display 
 of what is costly and elegant in our furniture 
 and style of living ; while, on the other hand, 
 if our aim be to ensure the greatest amount 
 of happiness to ourselves, and to those around 
 us, we shall have a widely different task to 
 pursue ; and it is to the latter purpose only 
 that I propose devoting this chapter, as the 
 former could be better effected by consult- 
 ing the upholsterer, the silversmith, or the 
 jeweller. 
 
 Leaving to individuals tfius qualified the 
 important office of deciding what is accord- 
 ing to the latest fashion, and which article 
 is most approved in circles of distinction, 
 we must turn our attention to a study of a 
 totally different description ; and if at first it 
 should appear more difficult and complica- 
 ted, it will have the merit of becoming every 
 day more simple, and more clear ; or if it 
 should seem to involve by necessity a cer- 
 tain degree of suffering and self-denial, it 
 will have the still higher merit of resulting 
 in ultimate happiness ; while the system of 
 domestic management above alluded to, 
 though in the outset full of promises of 
 indulgence and pleasure, is certain to in- 
 volve in greater and deeper perplexity the 
 longer it is pursued, and finally to issue in 
 vexation and disappointment 
 
 It is, then, the way to make others hap- 
 py, and consequently to be happy ourselves, 
 which I am about to recommend ; and if 
 in doing this I am compelled to enter into the 
 minute and homely details of woman's daily 
 
 L 
 
 life, I must claim the forbearance of the read- 
 er on the plea that no act can be so trifling 
 as not to be ennobled by a great or a gen- 
 erous motive. 
 
 Before proceeding further with this subject, 
 I must address one word to the ladies of the 
 present day to the refined and fastidious, 
 who dwell in an atmosphere of taste, and 
 make that their standard of excellence lest 
 from the freedom of my remarks upon dress 
 and furniture, I should fall under their con- 
 demnation for undervaluing what is elegant, 
 and wishing to discard what is ornamental ; 
 or, in other words, of being indifferent to the 
 influence of beauty in general, as it may just- 
 ly be said to refine our feelings, and enhance 
 our enjoyments. 
 
 Without presuming to refer such readers 
 to a work of my own,* in which they would 
 find that my admiration of the beautiful, 
 wherever it may be found, is scarcely inferior 
 to theirs ; I will simply express my convic- 
 tion, that the exercise of good taste, which 
 must ever be in accordance with the princi- 
 ples of beauty, fitness, and harmony, is by no 
 means confined to the 'display of what is 
 costly, elaborate, or superb; but may at all 
 times be sufficiently developed in the ar- 
 rangement of what is simple and appropri- 
 ate. Indeed, there are nicer distinctions, and 
 more exquisite' sensibilities, required in the 
 happy distribution of limited means, than in 
 the choice and arrangement of the most cost- 
 ly ornaments which money can procure. In 
 accordance with this fact, we almost invaria- 
 bly find writers of fiction bestowing what is 
 gorgeous and elaborate upon scenes and 
 characters with which the best feelings of 
 the heart have little connection ; while the 
 favorite heroine is universally made con- 
 spicuous in her simplicity, and at the same 
 time pre-eminent in her good taste. 
 
 But in addition to other considerations, it 
 is in the present day so easy as to be com- 
 mon, and consequently to some extent vul- 
 gar, for all persons, both high and low, to 
 adorn themselves and their houses to the 
 
 * The Poetry of Life.
 
 DOMESTIC MANAGEMENT. 
 
 77 
 
 utmost extent of their pecuniary means ; 
 and they are also enabled to do this with 
 a certain appearance of taste, because to 
 that class of persons who supply the requi- 
 site articles of dress and furniture, it has 
 become their study to ascertain what is most 
 approved in the highest circles, as well as 
 what is most ornamental and becoming in 
 itself. And thus individuals who have but 
 little taste themselves, may easily supply 
 their deficiency by consulting what are called 
 the first tradespeople, or those who sell to 
 the highest purchasers. 
 
 How much more exquisite, then, must be 
 the good taste, and delicate feeling, of her 
 who has no such assistance to call in ; who 
 expends but little money upon the entertain- 
 ment cf her friends, in order that she may 
 see them the oftener, and with a less painful 
 tax upon her household ; but who is still able 
 so to conduct her household arrangements, 
 that while there is no distressing appearance 
 of excessive preparation to alarm her guests, 
 an aspect of elegance and comfort is thrown 
 over the most familiar things, so as to convey 
 the idea of her family affairs being always 
 conducted in strict accordance with the prin- 
 ciples of taste of that taste which consults 
 the beauty of fitness and order, and which 
 permits no extravagance or excess to inter- 
 fere with the perfect harmony of its arrange- 
 ments. 
 
 Here, then, we see the value of having 
 made good taste one of the studies of early 
 life ; for when the cares and anxieties of a 
 household, added to the actual occupations 
 of the mistress of a family, press upon the 
 sometimes over-burdened wife, she will find 
 little time, and perhaps less inclination, to en- 
 ter into any abstruse calculations upon N these 
 points ; and hence we too frequently see 
 among married women, a deterioration of 
 character in this respect; for where one 
 single woman is careless and slovenly in her 
 appearance or habits, there is reason to fear 
 we might find many in the married state, 
 who might justly be suspected of having lost 
 their regard for those embellishments which 
 depend upon the exercise of good taste. 
 
 In pursuing the subject of domestic man- 
 agement, we are again struck with the im- 
 portance of speaking of things by their proper 
 names ; for by some strange misnomer, those 
 women have come to be generally called good 
 managers, who put their whole souls into the 
 ^business of providing for the mere bodily ex- 
 igences of every day ; and thus the more re- 
 fined, and sometimes the more intellectual, 
 who have no idea how many good principles 
 may be exemplified in the proper regulation 
 of a household, have imbibed a sort of dis- 
 taste for good management, as if it necessa- 
 rily belonged exclusively to the province of 
 the ignorant, or the vulgar-minded. 
 
 Managers, indeed, those household tor- 
 ments may be, who live perpetually in an 
 element of strife and discord, where no one 
 who valued their own peace would wish to 
 live with them ; but good managers they cer- 
 tainly are not. It is not, therefore, in abso- 
 lute bustle and activity, nor yet in mere clean- 
 liness, order, and punctuality, that the per- 
 fection of domestic management consists ; for 
 where the members of a household are made 
 to feel that they pay too dearly, by the loss 
 of their peace and comfort, for the cleanli- 
 ness, order, and punctuality of the mistress, 
 all claim on her part to the merit of good 
 management must be relinquished. 
 
 It is most difficult, however, to be suffi- 
 ciently solicitous about such points of obser- 
 vance, and not irritated by the neglect of them 
 in others. Hence it is often said that ill- 
 tempered servants are the cleanest and most 
 orderly ; because the exactness and precision 
 which regulate their conduct, produce in un- 
 enlightened minds, a tendency to exact the 
 same from others ; and where this is impos- 
 sible to be effected, produce a petulance and 
 dissatisfaction which obtain for them the char- 
 acter of being ill-tempered ; while an opposite 
 disposition, careless of order, cleanliness, or 
 punctuality, obtains sometimes with great in- 
 justice the merit of being good-tempered, 
 simply because any deviation from these 
 points occasions to such a mind no disturb- 
 ance whatever. 
 
 It has appeared to me ever since I was ca-
 
 78 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 pable of extreme annoyance or extreme en- 
 joyment from such causes, that the perfec- 
 tion of good domestic management required 
 so many excellences both of head and heart, 
 as to render it a study well worth the atten- 
 tion of the most benevolent and enlightened 
 of human beings. For when we consider the 
 simple fact, that it comprehends nay, is 
 mainly dependent upon the art of giving to 
 every thing which comes within the sphere 
 of practical duty its proper weight, and con- 
 sequently its due share of relative importance, 
 we see at once that it cannot be within the 
 province of a common or a vulgar mind con- 
 sistently to do this, more especially as there 
 must not only be the perception to find out, 
 and the judgment to decide upon things gen- 
 erally, but the good feeling and here is the 
 great point to make that subservient which 
 is properly inferior. Thus all selfish consid- 
 erations must be set aside, all low calcula- 
 tions, all caprice, all vanity, all spite. And 
 in how many instances do all these, with a 
 multitude of other enemies to peace and hap- 
 piness, mix themselves up with what people 
 persist in calling good management, but which 
 from this lamentable admixture, makes no- 
 body like such management, or wish to be 
 where it prevails ! 
 
 Perhaps it has occurred to nut a few of us 
 to see one of these reputed good managers, 
 bustling about a house from one apartment 
 to another, peeping into corners, throwing 
 open closets, emptying drawers, with a coun- 
 tenance which bid defiance for the time to 
 every gentle or kindly feeling ; and calling to 
 one person, despatching another, or enumer- 
 ating the misdeeds of a third, with a voice 
 which even in its distant and unintelligible 
 utterance, had the bitter tone of raking up 
 old grievances, and throwing them about like 
 firebrands on every side. And then the burst- 
 ing forth of the actual eruption, where such 
 a volcano was perpetually at work ! The 
 fusion of heated and heterogeneous particles 
 into one general mass the outpouring indis- 
 criminate and vast the flame, the smoke, the 
 tumult ! what is there, I would ask, in the 
 absence of harmless dust, or in the presence 
 
 of the richest and best concocted food, to re- 
 pay the wretched family where such a mana- 
 ger presides, for what must be endured 
 through the course of any single day 1 
 
 No let me live in peace, is the natural 
 demand of every human heart ; and so far 
 as relates to our cookery, and our carpets, 
 we are happily all able to do this. We must, 
 therefore, settle it in our minds, that whatever 
 excellences may be attained in the prepara- 
 tion of food, the care of clothing, the arrange- 
 ment of furniture, or the general order of 
 rooms, that can never be called good man- 
 agement, which fails to secure peace, and to 
 promote happiness. 
 
 Not that I would undervalue the care of 
 the body, so far as tends to preserve health, 
 and ensure cheerfulness ; or, what is still 
 more important, so far as serves to evince a 
 high degree of tenderness and affection, strong 
 evidence of which may sometimes be con- 
 veyed through this channel, when no other 
 is open. It is the supreme importance at- 
 tached to these cares and anxieties, which 
 prevents such a system of management being 
 properly called good. 
 
 In order to maintain general cheerfulness, 
 and promote happiness throughout your 
 household, it is essential that you cultivate 
 within your own mind, a feeling of content- 
 ment with your home, your servants, and 
 your domestic affairs in general, remembering 
 that nothing which occurs to you in this de- 
 partment is the result of mere chance, but 
 that all your trials, as well as your enjoy- 
 ments, are appointed by a kind Providence, 
 who knows better than you can know, 
 exactly what is ultimately best for you. It is 
 consequently no more a deviation from what 
 you ought to be prepared to expect, that 
 your servants should sometimes do wrong, 
 that your plans should be thwarted by folly 
 and perverseness, or that your house should 
 be old and inconvenient ; than that the blos- 
 soms in your garden should occasionally be 
 blighted, or that a shower should fall at the 
 moment you had fixed for going out 
 
 Yet, to maintain this desirable cheerfulness 
 through all circumstances, is certainly no
 
 DOMESTIC MANAGEMENT. 
 
 79 
 
 easy task, unless both health and temper 
 have been carefully attended to before mar- 
 riage ; for when the former fails, it is but nat- 
 ural that the animal spirits should fail too ; 
 and defects of temper if long indulged, so as 
 to have grown into habit, will, in the general 
 conduct of domestic affairs, be able to infuse 
 a taint of bitterness into the kindest endeav- 
 ors, so as effectually to defeat the best inten- 
 tions. 
 
 How necessary is it, therefore, for all 
 women to have learned to manage them- 
 selves, before undertaking the management 
 of a household, for the charge is both a seri- 
 ous, and a comprehensive one; and how- 
 ever inexperienced a wife may be, however 
 helpless, uncalculating, and unequal to the 
 task, she no sooner takes upon herself the 
 duties of a mistress, than she becomes, in a 
 great measure, responsible for the welfare of 
 every member of the family over which she 
 presides. And not only is this her situation 
 in the ordinary course of things, but on all 
 extraordinary occasions, she must be at the 
 same post, ever on the alert, prompt to direct, 
 and ready with expedients suited to every 
 emergency that may occur. 
 
 In cases of illness more especially, though 
 the more laborious duties of the sick-room 
 may with propriety be deputed to others, 
 there can be no excuse for the mistress who 
 does not make it her business to see that 
 proper attention is paid to the directions of 
 the doctor, as well as to the ventilation of 
 rooms, and all those other means of allevia- 
 ting pain, or facilitating recovery, instead of 
 which, inexperienced nurses are so apt to 
 substitute notions and nostrums of their 
 own. 
 
 But beyond the care of the patient, that of 
 the nurse also devolves upon the mistress of 
 the house, to see that her wants are properly 
 supplied, that a judicious distribution of her 
 time is made, so as to allow of a reasonable 
 portion of rest ; or, if wearied out, to take 
 care that her place is supplied, so that none 
 may have to complain of hardship or oppres- 
 sion. And here we may observe by the way, 
 that this kind of care and consideration be- 
 
 stowed upon those who habitually bear the 
 burden of domestic labor, constitutes one of 
 the strongest bonds which can exist between 
 a mistress and her servants; besides re- 
 warding her, in many instances, by a double 
 measure of their gratitude and their faithful- 
 ness. 
 
 If the mistress of the house, as is not un- 
 frequently the case with kind-hearted women, 
 should take charge of the patient herself, it 
 then becomes her duty not to act so entirely 
 from the impulse of feeling, as to neglect her 
 own health. I mention this, because there is 
 a kind of romantic devotion to the duties of 
 the sick-room, more especially where the suf- 
 ferer is an object of interest or affection, which 
 carries on the young nurse from one day of 
 solicitude to another, without refreshment, 
 without rest, and without exercise in the open 
 air, until nature being completely exhausted, 
 she herself becomes a source of trouble, and 
 an object of anxiety and care. By this apparent 
 generosity, the kindest intentions are often 
 frustrated ; while the household of such a 
 mistress will necessarily be thrown into 
 alarm and disorder, at the very time when it 
 is most important that order and quiet should 
 be maintained throughout 
 
 To those who please themselves with the 
 idea that such romantic self-devotion is the 
 extreme of generosity, it may appear a cold 
 kind of reasoning to advocate the importance 
 of self-preservation, by frequently taking 
 exercise at short intervals in the open air. 
 Yet, I own I am one of those who prefer the 
 kindness which lasts, to that which expends 
 itself in sudden and violent effort ; and I 
 would, therefore, strongly urge upon the 
 wife not only to attend to such means of pro- 
 longing her own usefulness, but to see that 
 the nurse employed under her direction does 
 the same. 
 
 Nor is it only in such cases as that already 
 described, that married women are apt to 
 neglect the best means of maintaining cheer- 
 fulness, and preserving health, two blessings 
 which they above all other persons have the 
 most reason to estimate highly. Not that I 
 would insinuate an idea of any culpable ne-
 
 80 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 gleet of the employment of doctors, or the 
 use of medicines. I believe this can scarcely 
 be charged upon the wives of England, as a 
 general fault But I have known some wo- 
 men almost entirely neglect all kinds of ex- 
 ercise in the open air, either because they 
 were too busy, or it tired them too much ; or, 
 for that most amiable of all reasons, because 
 their husbands were absent, and they were 
 too dependent to walk alone. And thus, from 
 the very excess of their affection, they were 
 satisfied, on a husband's return, to be weary, 
 listless, dispirited, and altogether incapable of 
 adding to his enjoyment, whatever he hap- 
 py man that he must be, to be so tenderly 
 beloved ! might add to theirs. 
 
 But fortunately for the character of woman, 
 and may we not add, for the patience of man, 
 there are happier methods of proving the ex- 
 istence of affection than that which is exhibit- 
 ed by the display either of an excessive and 
 imprudent self-devotion, which effectually de- 
 feats its own object ; or a weak and childish 
 dependence, which is nothing better than a 
 sort of disguised selfishness. In accordance 
 with deeper and more chastened feelings of 
 regard, is that system of careful but quiet 
 watchfulness over the general health of a hus- 
 band, or a family, which detects every symp- 
 tom of indispositiot), and provides against all 
 unnecessary aggravation of such symptoms 
 by any arrangement of domestic affairs which 
 can be made so as to spare an invalid, or 
 prevent the occurrence of illness. 
 
 I believe that nothing tends more to the 
 increase of those diseases classed in popular 
 phraseology under the head of bilious, which 
 prevail so extensively in the present day, 
 thau long fasting, with heavy meals at the 
 close of the day. Where fashion is the root 
 of this evil, it is to be supposed that the suf- 
 ferers have their own reward ; at all events, 
 a mere matter of choice, it would be imperti- 
 nence to interfere with ; but in the case of 
 those husbands whose business calls them 
 from home during the greater part of every 
 day, surely something might be done by the 
 wife, to break through this habit, either by 
 supplying them with intermediate refresh- 
 
 ment, or inducing them by persuasion or ar- 
 gument to make some different distribution 
 of their time. 
 
 And where symptoms of indisposition do 
 appear, how beautiful is that display of affec- 
 tion in a wife, who can put aside all her own 
 little ailments for the more important consid- 
 eration of those of a husband ; who can bear 
 without a murmur to have her domestic af- 
 fairs at any moment deranged, so as may 
 best suit his feelings or his health ; and who 
 can make up her mind with promptness and 
 cheerfulness, even to accompany him from 
 home, at any sacrifice of her own comfort 
 and convenience ! How precious then is the 
 health and the ability to do this, and to do it 
 with energy, and perfect good-will how 
 much more precious than the childish fond- 
 ness to which allusion has already been 
 made, which would lead her to sit and faint 
 beside him in his illness, or to neglect the ex- 
 ercise necessary for her own health, because, 
 forsooth, she could not walk without him! 
 
 Nor let it be imagined from the familiar 
 and apparently trifling nature of the instances 
 adduced in relation to the subject of domestic 
 management, that the subject itself is one of 
 little moment Necessity compels the selec- 
 tion of only a few cases from the mass of evi- 
 dence which might be brought to prove how 
 many important principles may be acted up- 
 on in the familiar transactions of every day. 
 The woman of naturally restless and irritable 
 temper, for instance, who, without controlling 
 her own feelings, would effectually destroy 
 the peace of every member of her household, 
 may by habits of self-government, and by a 
 kind and disinterested regard for the happi- 
 ness of those around her, so far restrain the 
 natural impetuosity of her character, as to 
 become a blessing instead of a torment to the 
 household over which she presides; while 
 the tender and affectionate wife, who would 
 fondly and foolishly waste her strength by 
 incessant watching over a husband, or a child, 
 may, by the habit of making impulse subser- 
 vient to judgment preserve her health for 
 the service of many a future day, and thus 
 render herself, what every married woman
 
 DOMESTIC MANAGEMENT. 
 
 81 
 
 ought to be the support and the comfort of 
 her whole household. 
 
 We see here, although the instances them- 
 selves may appear insignificant, that in these 
 two cases are exemplified the great princi- 
 ples of disinterested kindness, prudence, and 
 self-government. And thus it is with every 
 act that falls within the sphere of female duty. 
 The act itself may be trifling ; but the motives 
 by which it is sustained may be such as to 
 do honor to the religion we* profess. And 
 we must ever bear in mind, that not only do 
 we honor that religion by engaging in public 
 services on behalf of our fellow-creatures, OP 
 for the good of our own souls ; but by re- 
 straining evil tempers, and selfish disposi- 
 tions, in the privacy of our own domestic 
 sphere; and by cherishing for purposes of 
 practical usefulness, those amiable and benev- 
 olent feelings, which are not only most en- 
 dearing to our fellow-creatures, but most in 
 accordance with the perfection of the Chris- 
 tian character. 
 
 In turning our attention again to the prac- 
 tical part of female duty, as connected with 
 domestic management, that important study 
 which refers to the best means of economiz- 
 ing time and money, is forcibly presented to 
 our notice. Having dwelt at considerable 
 length upon the subject of economy of time 
 in a former work,* I shall not repeat the ar- 
 guments there made use of to show the im- 
 portance of this great principle of good man- 
 agement ; but simply state, that if essential 
 before marriage to the attainment of intel- 
 lectual or moral good, and to the welfare and 
 comfort of those with whom we are connect- 
 ed ; it becomes doubly so when the mistress 
 of a house has not only to economize her 
 own time, but to portion out that of others. 
 
 In this, as in all other cases where good 
 influence is made the foundation of rightly- 
 exercised authority, the married woman must 
 not forget that example goes before precept. 
 Whatever then may be the trial to her natu- 
 ral feelings, she will, if actuated by this prin- 
 ciple, begin the day by rising early ; for it is 
 
 * The Daughters of England. 
 
 in vain to urge others to do what they see that 
 we have not either the strength, or not the 
 inclination to do ourselves. Besides which, 
 there is little inducement for servants or 
 other inferior members of a family to rise 
 early, when they know that the business of 
 the day will be delayed by the mistress 
 herself not being ready ; while, on the other 
 hand, if prepared to expect that she will be 
 up early herself, there are few who could be 
 so unaccommodating as to thwart her wish- 
 es by not endeavoring to be ready at the ap- 
 pointed time. 
 
 Nor is there any thing depending upon 
 ourselves which tends more to the proper 
 regulation of the mind, as well as the house- 
 hold, than the habit of rising early so early 
 as to have time to think, as most persons do 
 in the morning hours, clearly and dispassion- 
 ately ; when, free from the disturbance of feel- 
 ing so often excited by contact with others, 
 the mind is at liberty to draw its own con- 
 clusions, from a general survey of the actual 
 state of things, uninterrupted by any partial 
 impressions received through the medium of 
 the outward senses. Thus it often happens, 
 that in the early morning we are brought to 
 serious and just conclusions, which we should 
 never have arrived at, where the actual cir- 
 cumstances which gave rise to our reflections, 
 were transpiring beneath our notice, or had 
 the persons most intimately connected with 
 such cireumstances been present during the 
 formation of our opinions. 
 
 The morning, then, is the time for review- 
 ing the actions and events of the previous 
 day, and for forming, for that which has com- 
 menced, a new set of plans, upon the con- 
 victions which such a calm and impartial 
 review is calculated to produce. The morn- 
 ing is the time for gathering our thoughts 
 together, for arranging our resources, and for 
 asking with humble reverence that Divine 
 assistance, without which we have no right to 
 expect that the coming day will be spent more 
 satisfactorily than the past. 
 
 Such are the higher advantages derived 
 from habits of early rising, but there are also 
 practical duties to be attended to by all mar-
 
 82 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 ried women, in the commencement of the 
 day, which must be so managed as not to in- 
 terfere with, or delay the business of others ; 
 or the end of early rising will be entirely de- 
 feated, as regards its good influence upon ttie 
 general habits of a family. 
 
 I mention this, because there are some 
 well-intentioned persons, who habitually rise 
 early, and are yet habitually too late for 
 breakfast, wondering not the less every day 
 how it can possibly be that they are so. To 
 such I would venture to hint, that despatch is 
 an excellent thing in whatever we have to 
 do ; and that the habit of trifling is one of 
 the most formidable enemies to good inten- 
 tion in this respect, because at the same time 
 that it hinders our practical usefulness, it be- 
 guiles us into the belief, that we are actually 
 doing something nay, even a great deal ; 
 yet, look to the end, and nothing is really done. 
 
 If such persons are unacquainted with the 
 merits of despatch, or refuse to adopt it as a 
 wiser and a better rule, I know of nothing they 
 can do, except it be to rise a little earlier, and 
 a little earlier still, until they find that they 
 have exactly proportioned their time to their 
 requirements ; but on no account ought they to 
 allow the breakfast, or the business of the day, 
 to be retarded so as to meet their convenience. 
 Whatever time they take from sleep is their 
 own, and they have a right to dispose of it as 
 they please ; but that time can scarcely be call- 
 ed so, which is portioned out to others, espe- 
 cially where it is barely sufficient for the busi- 
 ness they are required to do through the 
 course of the day. 
 
 Perhaps it is with us all too frequent a 
 mistake to suppose that time is our own, and 
 that the higher our station, and consequently 
 the greater the number of persons subject to 
 our control, the more entirely this is the case. 
 I have already said that the time we take 
 from sleep, may with some justice be called 
 so ; but except in a state of existence entirely 
 isolated, and exempt from relative duties, I 
 am not aware how conscientious persons can 
 trifle -with time, and not feel that they are 
 encroaching upon the rights of others, to say 
 nothing of the more serious responsibility 
 
 neglected by the waste of so valuable a talent 
 committed to their trust 
 
 There is no time perhaps so entirely wasted 
 as that which is spent in waiting for others, 
 because while expectation is kept up that 
 each moment will terminate our suspense, we 
 cannot prudently engage in any other occu- 
 pation. If, then, the mistress of a house, by 
 habitual delay of breakfast, keeps as many as 
 four persons waiting half an hour every 
 morning, she is the cause of two valuable 
 hours being wasted to them, which they 
 would most probably have preferred spend- 
 ing in any other way rather than in waiting 
 for her. 
 
 It must of course be allowed, that every 
 master and mistress of a family enjoys the 
 right of breakfasting as late as they choose, 
 provided they give directions accordingly ; 
 but where there is one in the middle ranks 
 of society who will order breakfast at ten, 
 there are twenty who will order it at eight, 
 and not be ready before nine. It can only 
 be to such deviations from arrangements 
 made by the heads of the family, and under- 
 stood by all its members, that the foregoing 
 observations apply. 
 
 It is a great point in the economy of time, 
 that different kinds of work should be made 
 to fill up different intervals. Hence the great 
 value of having a variety of needlework, 
 knitting, &c.; for besides the astonishing 
 amount which may thus almost imperceptibly 
 be done, a spirit of contentment and cheer- 
 fulness is much promoted by having the 
 hands constantly employed. Thus, if ever 
 the mistress of a house spends what is called 
 the dark hours in idleness, it is a proof that 
 she has either not properly studied the arts 
 of knitting and netting ; or that she is a very 
 indifferent workwoman not to be able to pay 
 for the use of candles. Could such persons 
 once be brought to appreciate the really bene- 
 ficial effects of constant employment upon 
 the mind and temper, could they taste those 
 sweet musings, or enjoy those ingatherings 
 of thought, which are carried on while a piece 
 of work is growing beneath their hands, 
 they would never again require urging to
 
 DOMESTIC MANAGEMENT. 
 
 83 
 
 those habits of industry which may tru- 
 ly be said to bring with them their own re- 
 ward. 
 
 Habitually idle persons are apt to judge 
 of the difficulty of being industrious, by what 
 it costs them to do any thing they may hap- 
 pen to undertake ; the movements of a natu- 
 rally indolent person being composed of a 
 series of painful exertions, while the activity 
 of an industrious person resembles the mo- 
 tion of a well-regulated machine, which, 
 having been once set at work, requires com- 
 paratively little force to keep it going. It is 
 consequently by making industry a habit, and 
 by no other means, that it can be thoroughly 
 enjoyed ; for if between one occupation and 
 another, time is allowed for sensations of 
 weariness to be indulged, or for doubts to be 
 entertained as to what shall be done next, 
 with those who have much to do all such 
 endeavors to be industrious must necessarily 
 be irksome, if not absolutely laborious. 
 
 How pitiable then is the situation of that 
 married woman who has never fully realized 
 the true enjoyment of industry, nor the ad- 
 vantages of passing rapidly from one occu- 
 pation to another, as if it was the business 
 of life to keep doing, rather than to wait to 
 see what was to be done, and to question the 
 necessity of doing it ! Pitiable, indeed, is that 
 woman, because in a well-regulated house- 
 hold, even where the mistress takes no part 
 in the executive business herself, there must 
 still be a constant oversight, and constant 
 forethought, accompanied with a variety of 
 calculations, plans, and arrangements, which 
 to an indolent person cannot fail to be irk- 
 some in the extreme ; while to one who has 
 been accustomed to rely upon her own re- 
 sources in the constant exercise of industry, 
 they give a zest and an interest to all 
 the duties of life, and at the same time im- 
 part a feeling of contentment and cheer- 
 fulness sufficient of itself to render every 
 duty light. 
 
 There is no case in which example is more 
 closely connected with influence than in this. 
 A company of idle persons can keep each 
 other in countenance to almost any extent ; 
 
 while there are few who cannot be made 
 ashamed of idleness by having constantly 
 before them an example of industry. Thus 
 where the mistress of a house on extraordi- 
 nary occasions is ever ready to lend assistance 
 herself; where she evinces a decided prefer- 
 ence for doing things with her own hand, 
 rather than seeing them left undone ; and 
 where it is known that her mind is as quick 
 to perceive what is wanted as her hand is 
 willing to execute it ; such a mistress will 
 seldom have to complain that her servants 
 are idle, or that they cannot be brought 
 to make the necessary effort when extra 
 work has to be done. 
 
 'There is, however, a just medium to be 
 observed between doing too much, and too 
 little, in domestic affairs ; and this point of 
 observance must be regulated entirely by the 
 circumstances of the family, and the number 
 of servants employed. It can never be said 
 that the atmosphere of the kitchen is an ele- 
 ment in which a refined and intellectual wo- 
 man ought to live ; though the department 
 itself is one which no sensible woman would 
 think it a degradation to overlook. But in- 
 stead of maintaining a general oversight and 
 arrangement of such affairs, some well-inten- 
 tioned women plunge head, heart, and hand 
 into the vortex of culinary operations, think- 
 ing, feeling, and doing what would be more 
 appropriately left to their servants. 
 
 This fault, however, is one which belongs 
 but little to the present times. It was the 
 fault of our grandmothers, and we are en- 
 deavoring to improve upon their habits by 
 falling into the opposite extreme, forgetting, 
 in our eagerness to secure to ourselves per- 
 sonal ease and indulgence, how many good 
 and kind feelings may be brought into exer- 
 cise by a participation in the practical parl 
 of domestic management how much valua- 
 ble health, and how much vivacity and cheer- 
 fulness, alternating with wholesome and rea' 
 rest, are purchased by habits of personal ac- 
 tivity. 
 
 But it is impossible to do justice to this 
 subject without entering into it fully, and at 
 considerable length ; and having already done
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 this elsewhere,* under the head of M Kind- 
 ness and Consideration," I will spare the 
 reader a repetition of my own sentiments 
 upon a subject of such vital importance to 
 the wives of England. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 OEDEH, JUSTICE, AM) BENEVOLENCE. 
 
 THE general tendency of domestic manage- 
 ment should be, to establish throughout a 
 household the principles of order, justice, and 
 benevolence. 
 
 In speaking first of order, I would not be 
 understood to restrict the meaning of the 
 word to such points of observance as the 
 placing of chairs in a drawing-room, or or- 
 naments on a mantelpiece. The principle of 
 order, in its happiest development, has to do 
 with the state of the mind, as well as the 
 personal habits. Thus a due regard to the 
 general fitness of things, correct calculations 
 as to time and means, with a just sense of 
 relative importance, so as to keep the less 
 subservient to the greater, all belong to the 
 department of order in a well-goyerned house- 
 hold, and should all be exemplified in the 
 general conduct of the mistress. 
 
 There is no surer method of maintaining 
 authority over others, than by showing that 
 we have learned to govern ourselves. Thus 
 a well-ordered mind obtains an influence in 
 society, which it would be impossible for 
 mere talent, without this regard to order, 
 ever to acquire. All caprice, all hasty or 
 violent expressions, all sudden and extrava- 
 gant ebullitions of feeling of any kind what- 
 ever, exhibited before servants and inferiors, 
 have a tendency to lower the dignity of a 
 mistress, and consequently to weaken her 
 influence. 
 
 The mistress of a house should always 
 appear calm, and perfectly self-possessed, 
 
 * The Women of England. 
 
 whether she feels so or not ; and if from an 
 accumulation of household disasters, partic- 
 ularly such as mal-occurrences before her 
 guests, the agitation of her feelings should 
 be too great for her powers of self-control, 
 she may always find a natural and appropri- 
 ate outlet for them, by sympathizing with 
 other sufferers in the same calamity, and thus 
 evincing her regard for them, rather than for 
 herself. 
 
 Nor ought we to class this species of self- 
 discipline with those artificial manners which 
 are assumed merely for the sake of effect 
 If the same individual who controlled her 
 feelings before her guests, should go out 
 among her servants and give lull vent to 
 them there, such a case would certainly de- 
 serve to be so classed. But the self-control 
 I would gladly recommend, is of a widely 
 different order, extending to a mastery over 
 the feelings, as well as the expressions. In 
 the former case, a lady seated at the head of 
 her table, will sometimes speak in a sharp 
 whisper to a servant, with a countenance in 
 which all the furies might be represented as 
 one ; when suddenly turning to her guests, 
 she will address them with the blandest 
 smiles, even before the cloud has had time to 
 vanish from her brow. In the latter case, 
 the mistress of the house will recollect, that 
 others have been made to suffer perhaps 
 more than herself, and that whatever the 
 cause of vexation r distress may be, it can 
 only be making that distress greater, for her 
 to appear angry or disturbed. By such 
 habits of reflection, and by the mastery of 
 judgment over impulse, she will be able in 
 time, not only to appear calm, but really to 
 feel so ; or if there should be just as much 
 excitement as may be agreeably carried off 
 in condolence with her friends, there will 
 never be sufficient ically to destroy either 
 their comfort, or her own peace of mind. 
 
 In speaking of the beauty of order, would 
 that it were possible to impress this fact upon 
 the minds of English wives that there is 
 neither beauty nor order in making their ser- 
 vants and their domestic affairs in general, 
 the subject of conversation in company. To
 
 ORDER, JUSTICE, AND BENEVOLENCE. 
 
 85 
 
 hear some good ladies talking, one would 
 really think that servants were a sort of 
 plague sent upon the nation at large, and 
 upon them in particular. To say nothing of 
 the wrong state of feeling evinced by allow- 
 ing one of our greatest sources of personal 
 comfort to be habitually regarded as a bane 
 rather than a blessing ; we see here one of 
 those instances in which the laws of order 
 are infringed by a disregard to the fitness of 
 things ; for however interesting our domestic 
 affairs may be to ourselves, it requires but 
 little tact or observation to discover, that they 
 interest no one else, unless it be our nearest 
 and most intimate friends, whose personal 
 regard to us will induce them to listen with 
 kindness to whatever we describe as being 
 connected with our welfare or happiness. 
 
 Upon the same principle, a history of bodily 
 ailments should never be forced upon visit- 
 ors ; for as it requires either to be an intimate 
 friend, or a member of the same family, to 
 feel any particular interest in the good or 
 bad practices of servants ; so it requires that 
 our friends should be very tenderly attached 
 to us to care about our ailments, or even to 
 listen with any real attention when we make 
 them the subject of conversation. In all such 
 cases, it is possible that a third party may be 
 more quick to perceive the real state of things 
 than the party most concerned ; but I own I 
 have often wondered what the habitual com- 
 plainer of household and personal grievances 
 could find to induce her to go on, in the 
 averted look, the indifferent answer, and the 
 absent manner of her guests ; yet, such is 
 the entire occupation of some minds with 
 subjects of this nature, that they are scarcely 
 alive to impressions from any other source ; 
 and perhaps the surest way to prevent our 
 annoyance of others, is to recollect how often 
 and how much we have been annoyed in 
 this way ourselves. m 
 
 It is, then, no mean or trifling attainment 
 for the mistress of a house to be thoroughly 
 at home in her own domestic affairs ; deeply 
 interested in the character and habits of all 
 the different members of her household, so as 
 to extend over them the care and the solici- 
 
 tude of a mother ; and yet before her guests, 
 or in the presence of her friends, to be per- 
 fectly disengaged, able to enter into all their 
 causes of anxiety, or hope, and above all, to 
 give an intellectual character and a moral 
 tendency to the general tone of- the conver- 
 sation in which she takes a part. With no- 
 thing less than this strict regulation of the 
 feelings, as well as the habits, this regard to 
 fitness, and this maintenance of order in the 
 subserviency of one thing to another, ought 
 the wives of England to be satisfied ; for it is 
 to them we look for every important bias 
 given to the manners and the morals of that 
 class of society upon which depends so much 
 of the good influence of England as a nation. 
 
 A love of order is as much exemplified by 
 doing any thing at its proper time as in its 
 appropriate place ; and it rests with a mis- 
 tress of a house to see that her own time, 
 and that of her servants, is judiciously pro- 
 portioned out. Some mistresses, forgetting 
 this, and unacquainted with the real advan- 
 tages of order, are in the habit of calling their 
 servants from one occupation to another, 
 choosing extra work for them to do on busy 
 days, crowding a variety of occupations into 
 one short space of time, and then complain- 
 ing that nothing is thoroughly done ; while 
 others will put off necessary preparations un- 
 til so late that everybody is flurried and con- 
 fused, and well if they are not out of temper 
 too. It may possibly have occurred to others 
 as it has to myself, to be present where, on 
 the occasion of an evening party being ex- 
 pected, all the good things for the entertain- 
 ment had to be made on the afternoon of the 
 same day. I need hardly add that when the 
 guests arrived, neither mistress nor servants 
 were in a very fit state to go through the 
 ceremonial of a dignified reception. 
 
 Forethought, then, is a most essential qual- 
 ity in the mistress of a house, if she wishes 
 to maintain throughout her establishment the 
 principle of order. Whatever others do, she 
 must tkink. It is not possible for order to ex- 
 ist, where many minds are employed in di- 
 recting a variety of movements. There 
 must be one presiding intellect to guide the
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 whole; and whether the household to be 
 governed belong to a mansion or a cottage, 
 whether the servants to be directed be many 
 or few, that presiding power must be vested 
 iii the mistress, or in some one individual 
 deputed to act in her stead. It is from leav- 
 ing this thinking and contriving part, along 
 with the executive, to servants, that we see 
 perpetuated so many objectionable and ab- 
 surd methods of transacting the business of 
 domestic life; methods handed down from 
 one generation to another, and acted upon 
 sometimes with great inconvenience and 
 equal waste, simply because habit has ren- 
 dered it a sort of established thing, that 
 whatever is done, should be done in a cer- 
 tain manner; for servants are a class of 
 people who think but little, and many of 
 them would rather take double pains, and 
 twice the necessary length of time in doing 
 their work the old way, than risk the experi- 
 ment of a new one, even if it should ever 
 occur to them to make it 
 
 It must rest with the mistress, then, to in- 
 troduce improvements and facilities in the 
 transaction of household business ; and she 
 will be but little fitted for her office who has 
 not studied before her marriage the best way 
 of doing common and familiar things. What- 
 ever her good intentions, or even her meas- 
 ure of good sense may be, she will labor un- 
 der painful disadvantages, and difficulties 
 scarcely to be overcome, by taking up this 
 study for the first time after she has become 
 the mistress of a house ; for all points of 
 failure here, her own servants will be quick 
 to detect, and most probably not slow to 
 take advantage of. 
 
 A married woman thus circumstanced, will 
 certainly act most wisely by studiously con- 
 ceafing her own ignorance ; and in order to 
 do this effectually, she must avoid asking 
 foolish questions, at the same time that she 
 watches every thing that is done with care- 
 ful and quiet scrutiny, so as to learn the how 
 and tire why of every trivial act before en- 
 gaging in it herself, or even venturing a re- 
 mark upon the manner in which it may be 
 done by others. 
 
 But essential as knowledge is to good do- 
 mestic management, we must ever bear in 
 mind that knowledge is not all. There must 
 be a love of order, a sense of fitness, a quick 
 perception of the appropriateness of time 
 and place, lively impressions of reality and 
 truth, and clear convictions on the subject of 
 relative importance ; and in order to the com- 
 plete qualification of a good wife and mis- 
 tress, there must be along with all these, not 
 only a willingness, but a strong determina- 
 tion to act upon such impressions and con- 
 victions to the full extent of their power to 
 promote social, domestic, and individual hap- 
 piness. 
 
 And if all these requirements are to be 
 classed under the head of order, we must 
 look for those which are still more serious 
 under that of justice. 
 
 The word justice has a somewhat start- 
 ling sound to female ears, and I might per- 
 haps be induced to use a softer expression, 
 could I find one suited to my purpose ; 
 though after all, I fancy we should none of 
 us be much the worse for having the word 
 justice, in its simple and imperative strict- 
 ness, more frequently applied to our relative 
 and social duties. It is, in fact, a good old- 
 fashioned notion, that of doing justice, which 
 has fallen a little too much into disuse ; or 
 perhaps, I ought rather to say, has been dis- 
 missed from its place among female duties, 
 and considered too exclusively as belonging 
 to points of law and cases of public trial. 
 
 I am well aware that justice in its highest 
 sense belongs not to creatures frail, short- 
 sighted, and liable to deception like our- 
 selves ; but that strong sense of truth, and 
 honesty, and individual right, which we 
 naturally include in our idea of the love 
 of justice, was surely given us to be exer- 
 cised in our dealings with each other, and in 
 the general conduct of our domestic affairs. 
 This regard to what is just in itself, necessa- 
 rily including what is due to others, and what 
 is due from them also, is the moral basis up- 
 on \vhich all good management depends ; for 
 when once this foundation is removed, an 
 inlet is opened for innumerable lower mo-
 
 ORDER, JUSTICE, AND BENEVOLENCE. 
 
 87 
 
 tives, such as selfishness, vanity, caprice, and 
 a host of others of the same unworthy char- 
 acter, to enter and mix themselves up with 
 the conduct of daily life. 
 
 We cannot therefore be too studious to de- 
 tect, or too prompt to overcome, these ene- 
 mies to right feeling and to duty ; and I be- 
 lieve we shall be best enabled to do this, with 
 the Divine blessing upon our endeavors, by 
 a habit of constantly stretching our ideas to 
 the broad and comprehensive nature of jus- 
 tice in general justice in its simplicity and 
 its strictness, without deterioration from the 
 influence of custom, and without those quali- 
 fications which owe their existence to an arti- 
 ficial state of society. 
 
 Imbued with a strong sense of justice, the 
 kind and considerate mistress will see that 
 every member of her household has some 
 rights which others ought not to be allowed 
 to infringe ; and if she be attentive to the 
 welfare of her family, she will find sufficient 
 exercise for her love of justice in the settle- 
 ment of all differences which may arise out 
 of the clashing of individual interests. Even 
 the most insignificant member of such a 
 family, that unfortunate attached to almost 
 all establishments under the name of "the 
 boy," all from him down to the very animals, 
 will have their rights, and such rights can 
 only be consistently maintained by the au- 
 thority of one presiding mind. 
 
 Thus the abuse or the neglect of domestic 
 animals can never prevail to any great extent, 
 where the mistress does her duty ; for though 
 servants will sometimes lavish their caresses 
 upon such creatures, they are for the most 
 part careless about their actual wants ; and 
 unless properly instructed, and even looked 
 after in this respect, they will sometimes be 
 absolutely cruel. The mistress of a house 
 may thus have an opportunity of teaching 
 her servants, what they possibly will have 
 had no means of learning at home, that these 
 are creatures committed to our care by their 
 Creator and ours, and that we have no more 
 right to practise cruelty upon them, than we 
 have to disobey the righteous law of God in 
 any other respect 
 
 Regarding the important subject of econo- 
 my in its character of a great moral obliga- 
 tion, rather than simply as an individual 
 benefit, I shall place it under the head of jus- 
 tice ; and I do this in the humble hope, that 
 when so classed, it may obtain a greater 
 share of serious attention than could be de- 
 sired, were the subject to be considered the 
 mere act of saving money. True economy, 
 and that which alone deserves our regard as 
 a study, I have already described as consist- 
 ing in doing the greatest amount of good with 
 the smallest pecuniary means not only good 
 to the poor, and to society in general, but 
 good to the family of which we form a part ; 
 and of course this study includes the preven- 
 tion of absolute waste in any department 
 whatever. Such a system of economy, I 
 consider to be entirely distinct from the mere 
 act of saving money ; except so far as that 
 all economical persons will endeavor to save 
 money to a certain extent, in order that they 
 or their families may not be dependent upon 
 others. A sense of justice will also induce 
 them to make a suitable provision for those 
 under their care, without doing which they 
 have certainly no right to be generous. 
 
 Everything necessary to the practice of this 
 kind of equitable economy, is consequently 
 necessary to the exercise of justice. We 
 shall therefore turn our attention the more 
 seriously to a few hints on the most common- 
 place of all subjects that of saving. 
 
 Nor let the refined and fastidious young 
 wife, retaining all her boarding-school con- 
 tempt for such homely household virtues, 
 dismiss the subject with the hasty conclusion, 
 that such studies are only for the vulgar or 
 the low. There are those who could tell her, 
 that there is a vulgarity in extravagance, of 
 which the really well-bred are seldom guilty ; 
 and that no persons are so much addicted to 
 the lavish and indiscriminate waste of money, 
 as those who have been raised from low birth 
 and education to affluent means. 
 
 But it is impossible to believe that the 
 sound-minded, honest-hearted, upright wo- 
 men, who form the majority of English wives, 
 should deceive themselves by notions so ab-
 
 m 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 surd as these ; and I only wish it were pos- 
 sible to embody in the present work, the 
 united evidence of such women in favor of 
 the plans they have themselves found most 
 conducive to the promotion of comfort and 
 economy combined. 
 
 I place these two words together, because 
 that can never be called good management, 
 which has not reference to both, or which 
 extracts from the one for the purpose of add- 
 ing to the other ; that can never be called 
 good management, where economy takes pre- 
 cedence of comfort, except only in cases of 
 debt, where comfort ought unquestionably to 
 give place to honesty ; and still less can that 
 be called good management where comfort is 
 the only consideration, because the higher con- 
 sideration of justice must then be neglected. 
 
 In order to carry out the principle of jus- 
 tice in her household transactions, it is highly 
 important that the mistress of a family should 
 make herself thoroughly acquainted with the 
 prices and qualities of all common and famil- 
 iar things, that she may thus be enabled to 
 pay equitably for every thing brought into her 
 house. These are opportunities of observing 
 or violating the laws of justice, which few 
 mistresses have the energy, and still fewer 
 the inclination, to look after themselves ; and 
 they are consequently left for the most part 
 to servants and trades-people to adjust as 
 they think proper, each regarding their own 
 interest and convenience, as it is perfectly 
 natural that they should. Servants of course 
 prefer having every article of household con- 
 sumption brought to the door ; and in large 
 towns this is easily managed by small traders 
 in such articles, who can regulate their prices 
 as they think proper, without the cognizance 
 of the mistress of the house, and sometimes 
 without any direct reference to what is the 
 real marketable value of their property. That 
 too much is trusted to interested parties in 
 such cases as these, must be clear to the 
 meanest understanding ; for we all know the 
 tendency there is in human nature, to use for 
 selfish purposes the power of doing what is 
 not strictly right, and especially where this 
 can be done without fear of detection. 
 
 In the "Daughters of England" I have 
 strongly recommended that young women 
 should cultivate habits of attention to the 
 public as well as the private affairs of the 
 country in which they live, so far as to ob- 
 tain a general knowledge of its laws and in- 
 stitutions, and of the great political move- 
 ments taking place around them. The abuse 
 of such knowledge is to make it the basis of 
 party feeling and political animosity ; but its 
 proper and legitimate use is that which ena- 
 bles respectable, influential, and patriotic wo- 
 men, to carry out the views of an enlightened 
 legislature through those minor channels 
 which form the connection between public 
 and private life, and the right direction of 
 which is of the utmost importance to the 
 welfare of the country in general. 
 
 How little do women, poring over their 
 worsted work, sometimes think of these 
 things ! How little do they reflect, that not 
 only is it a part of their duty to govern their 
 household well, but so to govern it, that those 
 wise and benevolent enactments designed for 
 the good of the nation at large, which it has 
 been put into the hearts of our rulers to 
 make, may not be frustrated for want of their 
 prompt and willing concurrence ! When once 
 this idea has been fully impressed upon the 
 mind of woman, she will not, she cannot, 
 think it a degradation to use every personal 
 effort for the correction of public abuses, 
 rather than it should be said, that while the 
 legislature of England evinced the utmost 
 solicitude for the happiness of the people, 
 there was not patriotism enough among her 
 women to assist in promoting their general 
 good. 
 
 But to return to particular instances of do- 
 mestic economy. The habit of making what 
 are called " cheap bargains," does not appear 
 to me worthy of being classed under this 
 head ; because the principle of economy 
 would inspire a wish to pay an equitable and 
 fair price for a good article, rather than a low 
 price for a poor one ; and in ninety-nine cases 
 out of a hundred, articles offered for sale as 
 being remarkably cheap, are of very inferior 
 quality.
 
 ORDER, JUSTICE, AND BENEVOLENCE. 
 
 89 
 
 But above all other things to be guarded 
 against in making bargains, is that of taking 
 advantage of the poor. It is a cruel system 
 carried on by the world, and one against 
 which woman, with her boasted kindness of 
 heart, ought especially to set her face that 
 of first ascertaining the position, or degree 
 of necessity of the party we deal with, and 
 then offering a price accordingly. Yet, how 
 often do we hear the expression " I get it 
 done so well, and so cheaply ; for, poor things, 
 they are in such distress, they are glad to do 
 it at any price !" 
 
 And a pitiful sight it is to see the plain 
 work, and fine work too, that is done upon 
 such terms. A pitiful thing it is to think of 
 the number of hours which must have been 
 spent, perhaps in the endurance of hunger 
 and cold, before the scanty pittance was earn- 
 ed ; and to compare this with the golden 
 sums so willingly expended at some fashion- 
 able milliner's, where, because the lady of the 
 house is not in want, the kind-hearted pur- 
 chaser would be sorry to insult her feelings 
 by offering less. 
 
 The same principle applies to ready pay- 
 ment of the poor. It is a mockery of words, 
 to tell them you have no change. The poor 
 know perfectly well that change is to be had ; 
 and when you tell them to call again in a few 
 day?, or when it is more convenient to attend 
 to them, perhaps the disappointed applicant 
 goes sorrowing home, to meet the eager 
 glance of a parent, or a child, who has been 
 all day calculating upon some article of food 
 or clothing, which that little payment was ex- 
 pected to have furnished them with the means 
 of procuring. 
 
 I am aware that disappointments of this 
 kind are sometimes unavoidable ; but I ap- 
 peal to my countrywomen, whether as a mere 
 matter of convenience, the poor ought to be 
 sent empty away, when the rich and the in- 
 dependent, because of their greater influence, 
 and the higher respect in which they are 
 held, are paid in a prompt and willing man- 
 ner, nothing being said either about inconve- 
 nience or difficulty. 
 
 To all persons, however, whether high or 
 
 low, rich or poor, it is highly important to 
 good management that frequent payments 
 should be made. Weekly payment of all 
 trades-people is the best, because then neither 
 party has time to forget what has been bought, 
 and they are consequently less likely to make 
 mistakes in their final settlement As a check 
 upon such mistakes in the making up of ac- 
 counts, it is indispensable that all bills should 
 be kept for a year at least after their payment ; 
 and though this practice may at first appear 
 useless and troublesome, ample satisfaction 
 will eventually be derived by exemption from 
 all that uncomfortable feeling which arises 
 from uncertainty in this respect from an idea 
 of having either injured another, or being in- 
 jured one's self. 
 
 There is a foolish habit to which many 
 shopkeepers are addicted, of persuading mar- 
 ried women, and particularly the young and 
 inexperienced, to purchase on credit When 
 they see a lady evidently tempted, looking at 
 an article again and again, and repeatedly 
 asking the price, as if in the hope each time 
 of finding it less, it is perfectly natural in them, 
 if they know the respectability of their cus- 
 tomer, to fall in with her weakness, and, ac- 
 commodating themselves to her inadequate 
 means, to offer the tempting article, to be paid 
 for on some distant day. It is still more fool- 
 ish, therefore, in the woman who goes unpro- 
 vided for such a purchase, to trust herself so 
 far as to trifle with temptation ; but the ex- 
 treme of her folly, is to allow herself to be 
 prevailed upon, at last, to take what she 
 cannot pay for, and probably does not really 
 want 
 
 It is often stated by imprudent women, as 
 an excuse for buying what they do not need, 
 that it was " so extremely cheap ;" but that 
 must always be a dear article to us which we 
 have no use for ; and the money which such 
 tilings would cost must, in the end, prove 
 more valuable than the cheapest goods which 
 are not necessary, or not calculated to be 
 of use. 
 
 Married women who love justice to them- 
 selves as well as to others, should always 
 keep strict accounts. Without some evidence
 
 90 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of this kind, husbands are sometimes a little 
 incredulous, and such a proof of the right 
 distribution of her means, no one need hesi- 
 tate to show. While, however, the husband 
 is thus enabled to see for himself what has 
 been the actual expenditure, it must not be 
 supposed that he is qualified to judge in all 
 cases of the necessity for such expenditure 
 being made. The wife alone can do this ; 
 and if she enjoys that inestimable blessing to 
 a married woman, her husband's confidence, 
 he will be satisfied that all the rest is right, 
 whether he understands it or not There is 
 no doubt, if he was consulted about every 
 purchase to be made, he would think in some 
 instances that the article could be done with- 
 out ; while in others, he would probably 
 choose a far more expensive one than was 
 necessary. A wise and prudent woman will, 
 therefore, so manage these affairs, as to ob- 
 tain the privilege of having them left entirely 
 to her judgment 
 
 She will find to, that economy does not 
 consist so much in buying little, as in buying 
 suitably ; for a house or a wardrobe may be 
 so scantily supplied, that each article has to 
 do the service of many, and is thus prema- 
 turely worn out, or effectually destroyed, by 
 being put to uses for which it never was de- 
 signed. The poor girl who has but a thin 
 pair of shoes, and no money to buy stronger, 
 must unavoidably destroy them in one day's 
 journey ; when, had they been used only for 
 proper purposes, they might have lasted a 
 year. And it is the same with a scantily fur- 
 nished kitchen. Absolute waste to a very 
 great extent must necessarily.be the conse- 
 quence of having but few implements for 
 daily use, and making them serve every pur- 
 pose as occasion may require. With the best 
 supply of kitchen utensils, however, their se- 
 lection and use ought not to be left entirely 
 to servants. The mistress herself must some- 
 times direct in this department, unless she 
 would see the amount of her bills alarmingly 
 increased by the habit most servants have, 
 of snatching up what is nearest to them, 
 rather than thinking what is fittest to be used. 
 
 The same rule applies to household linen, 
 
 of which an ample supply, given out with 
 regularity and judgment, will always be found 
 most economical in the end. But on no ac- 
 count whatever let any deficiency in this de- 
 partment, or in that of your kitchen, be sup- 
 plied by borrowing. There is no occasion for 
 the delects of your establishment to be made 
 known to others, and, except in sases of ex- 
 traordinary emergency, if you cannot afford 
 to purchase what is wanted, the sooner you 
 learn to do without it the better. 
 
 With regard to food, too, I am inclined to 
 think that to have a table comfortably sup- 
 plied with a moderate variety of dishes, is 
 by no means inconsistent with the strictest 
 economy. I have sometimes even fancied 
 that a spare dinner had the effect of produc- 
 ing a very disproportionate appetite ; at least 
 I remember, when a girl, having occasionally 
 the privilege of sitting down to a table of this 
 kind, when I always felt most perversely in- 
 clined to eat up every thing that was set be- 
 fore me. 
 
 But leaving this fact to be settled by politi- 
 cal economists, it must be allowed that per- 
 sons in general are not so childish as to eat 
 more, because they see more ; and in the ap- 
 pearance of a well-supplied table, there is an 
 air of comfort and respectability, which un- 
 der ordinary circumstances, I cannqt think 
 we should derive any advantage from giving 
 up. Besides which, a certain extent of va- 
 riety affords opportunity for bringing out 
 again, in a more attractive form, many things 
 which must have been otherwise dismissed 
 altogether. In this art the French have ar- 
 rived at great perfection ; and as a proof of 
 the correctness of these observations, the 
 cheapness of their way of living is always a 
 subject of surprise to the English, on their 
 first acquaintance with French habits. 
 
 Still, we must feel that the system is a dan- 
 gerous one, when it leads to excess ; far bet- 
 ter far better is it to eat the last morsel of 
 plain food prepared every day, than to give 
 the time, and the thoughts, too much to the 
 preparation and enjoyment of food. 
 
 But the great point to be observed, both in 
 the study and the practice of economy, is to
 
 ORDER, JUSTICE, AND BENEVOLENCE. 
 
 91 
 
 proportion your expenditure to your means. 
 The difference, even of a hundred a year, in 
 the income of a family, makes a considerable 
 difference in the duties of the mistress with 
 regard to economy. Thus, it may be highly 
 meritorious for one married woman to do all 
 her needlework herself, while, in another, it 
 would evince a disregard for the fitness of 
 things, to spend her time in doing what she 
 would be more in the way of her duty to em- 
 ploy the poor and the needy to do for her. 
 
 In all these cases, it is evident that princi- 
 ple, rather than inclination, must form the 
 basis of our actions ; and in following out the 
 principle of justice more especially, that self 
 must hold a very inferior place in our calcu- 
 lations. The same may be said of those du- 
 ties which follow, and which are comprised 
 under the head of benevolence ; for though 
 selfishness and generosity may, in the first 
 view, appear to be directly opposite in their 
 nature, the act of giving is, in many cases, 
 .only the gratification of a refined selfishness, 
 with which the principle of integrity has to 
 wage determined war. Thus there can be 
 no generosity in giving what is not, strictly 
 speaking, our own, nor justice in receiving 
 thanks for what we had no right to give. 
 
 To be solicitous either to give, or to receive, 
 costly presents in your own family, is a sort 
 of childish weakness, and particularly to ex- 
 pect such presents from a husband, for where 
 there is a perfect identity of feeling and pos- 
 session, both as regards money and good?, 
 the wife may just as well purchase the val- 
 uable article for herself. There is, however, 
 something gratifying to every heart in being 
 remembered during absence ; but the gratifi- 
 cation consists rather in finding that our tri- 
 fling wants have been thought of and sup- 
 plied, than that the indulgence of our self-love 
 or our vanity has had to be taken into ac- 
 count ; and a thimble in such a case may be 
 more valuable than a costly gem. 
 
 The married woman, as soon as she takes 
 upon herself the responsibility of standing at 
 the head of an establishment, should with- 
 draw herself in a great measure from those 
 little obligations and kindnesses, which as a 
 
 young woman and unmarried, she might 
 with propriety have received. She must, 
 therefore, strictly avoid courting such favors, 
 especially from the great, remembering that 
 in being the mistress of a house, she has her- 
 self become a source from whence kindness 
 ought to flow, and consequently is not so 
 proper an object for receiving it 
 
 To be "just before we are generous," is a 
 good old maxim. The duties of benevolence 
 must, therefore, always be made subservient 
 to those of integrity. But still, where a fami- 
 ly is neither in debt, nor in want of the com- 
 mon necessaries of life, there must be some- 
 thing due from such a family to those who 
 are more needy than themselves. 
 
 It is a privilege we all enjoy, of being at 
 liberty to choose our own way of being char- 
 itable ; yet if we think seriously on the sub- 
 ject of giving, as a duty, and regard our 
 means as only lent to us for the purpose of 
 doing the greatest possible amount of good 
 which they are capable of effecting ; we shall 
 find that instead of its being the mere indul- 
 gence of a natural impulse, to give, it is often 
 the study of a lifetime to learn how to give 
 judiciously. 
 
 To judge by the frequency of its practice, 
 one would suppose that one of the most ap- 
 proved methods of serving the poor, was to 
 give away at the door pieces of broken or 
 otherwise objectionable food. Yet I am dis- 
 posed to think that, upon the whole, more 
 harm than good results from this practice ; 
 for, to say nothing of the temptation it offers 
 to the poor to exaggerate their own wants and 
 sufferings, the temptation to servants is no 
 trifling one, to be perpetually adding to the 
 charitable hoard, what a little ingenuity or 
 care might have converted into a wholesome 
 or palatable dish. Besides which it is impos- 
 sible that any family should be able to furnish 
 a regular supply of such food, and the disap- 
 pointment of the really destitute must be very 
 great, on those days when they are obliged 
 to return home to set down to an empty 
 table, or perhaps to go supperless to bed. In 
 addition to which objections, we may safely 
 add, that the fewer supplicants and hangers-
 
 ga 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 about, to be found at our doors, the better. 
 Those are seldom the most needy who ask 
 assistance in this way, and happily for our 
 benevolence, there are innumerable channels 
 now open, through which we may at least 
 endeavor to do good with less probability of 
 doing harm. 
 
 In the exercise of kindness to the poor, care 
 is often necessary to avoid falling into popu- 
 lar mistakes with regard to the merit of cer- 
 tain cases, which after all frequently consists 
 in nothing more than a few circumstances of 
 interest attaching to them. The tide of fash- 
 ion, when it takes a charitable course, will 
 sometimes pour a perfect flood of benefits 
 upon certain individuals, to the neglect of 
 others equally deserving, and perhaps more 
 in need. But the mistress of a family, whose 
 mind is well governed, will be her own judge 
 in such matters, and not allowing either in- 
 dolence or self-indulgence to stand in her 
 way, nor even deputing the task to others, she 
 will, as far as it is possible to do so, examine 
 the case for herselfj in order that she may 
 not be led away by the partial statements 
 or highly colored representations of her 
 friends. 
 
 For all the purposes of benevolence, she 
 will also keep a separate provision, and sep- 
 arate accounts, in order to ascertain at the 
 end of the year, or at any particular time, 
 what has been the exact proportion of her 
 resources thus distributed. Without this 
 kind of record, we are apt sometimes to fancy 
 we have been more generous than is really 
 the case ; or, on the other hand, we may 
 have been liberal beyond what was just, for 
 it is not the number of cases we relieve, 
 which has to be considered, so much as the 
 due proportion of our means which is be- 
 stowed upon charitable purposes. 
 
 When the duty of benevolence, extended" 
 through offices of charity, is considered in 
 this light, as being no duty in some cases, 
 and in others one of serious extent and re- 
 sponsibility, and thus bearing, through all the 
 intermediate degrees between these two ex- 
 tremes, exact reference to our pecuniary 
 means, to our situation in life, and to the 
 
 number of relative claims we have to fulfil, it 
 will easily be seen, that to lay down any pre- 
 cise rules for the amount of money which 
 ought to be expended in charity, would 
 be presuming upon an extent of knowledge 
 which no single individual can possess. 
 Besides which, there are so many ways of 
 doing good, that benevolent feeling can often 
 find free exercise through channels which 
 could scarcely be considered as belonging to 
 what is generally understood by charity. 
 
 But while perfectly aware that little can be 
 done in the way of benefiting our fellow-crea- 
 tures, without regard to their spiritual wel- 
 fare, I own I am one of those who would 
 wish that the bodies, as well as the souls of 
 the poor might be cared for ; nor can I think 
 they would be less likely to attend to instruc- 
 tion, for being comfortably clothed and suffi- 
 ciently fed. 
 
 The mistress of a family, when truly benev- 
 olent, will not rest satisfied with merely giv- 
 ing to the poor. She will visit them in their 
 dwellings, make herself acquainted with their 
 habits, characters, and circumstances: and 
 while urging upon them their religious duties, 
 or recommending such means of religious in- 
 struction as may be within their reach, her 
 own experience in the practice of econo- | 
 my will enable her occasionally to throw in 
 a few useful hints on the best method of 
 employing their scanty means, so as that 
 evefy thing may be turned- to the most use- 
 ful account Assistance of this kind, judi- 
 ciously and kindly given, is often more valu- 
 able than money would be without it ; and 
 those who have but little to give, may often, 
 by such means, extend their influence to as 
 wide a circle of usefulness, as if they had 
 thousands at their disposal. 
 
 The indigent and the suffering are often I 
 good judges of what is real, and what is pre- ' 
 tended sympathy, or of what is meant for kind- 
 ness, without sympathy at all. Thus the most 
 sincere and fervent zeal for their spiritual 
 improvement often fails to produce any ef- 
 fect, simply from the fact of little attention 
 being paid to their temporal affairs, or only 
 such as they can perceive at once to be un-
 
 ORDER, JUSTICE, AND BENEVOLENCE. 
 
 93 
 
 accompanied by any feeling of sympathy. It 
 is a happy constitution of mind, therefore, 
 which has been given to woman, no doubt 
 for holy and benevolent purposes, which en- 
 ables her with a quick and sensitive feeling 
 to enter into all the minutiae of daily expe- 
 rience, without interruption to those higher 
 aims which must occupy the supreme atten- 
 tion of every Christian woman in her inter- 
 course with those who are brought under her 
 influence or her care. 
 
 The advantages of adaptation are never 
 more felt than in our association with the 
 poor. By a look or a tone, they may be at- 
 tracted or repelled. Yet how little do some 
 worthy people think of this, when they speak 
 to the poor in an authoritative, or disrespect- 
 ful manner ! It is good to bear about with us 
 the remembrance of this fact that we have 
 no more right to be rude to the poor than to 
 the rich. Even as regards household ser- 
 vants, so strong is the feeling of that class of 
 persons in this respect, that I believe mis- 
 tresses who never deviate from a proper 
 manner of speaking themselves, have sel- 
 dom occasion to complain that their servants 
 speak improperly to them. 
 
 In every mistress of a family, the poor of 
 her immediate neighborhood should feel that 
 they have a friend, and where the principle 
 of benevolence has been strongly implanted 
 in the heart, such a mistress will esteem this 
 consideration too high a privilege to allow any 
 regard for mere personal interest to interfere 
 with the just discharge of so sacred a trust 
 Yet to befriend the poor substantially, and 
 with reference to their ultimate good, all who 
 have made the experiment will allow to be a 
 difficult, as well as a sacred duty, requiring 
 much patience, forbearance, and equanimity 
 of mind, with much confidence in a superin- 
 tending Providence, and faith in Him who 
 chose his own disciples among the poor. 
 
 That benevolence which commences its 
 career with high expectations of reward in 
 this world, is sure to be withered by disap- 
 pointment. Indeed, there is so much to dis- 
 
 courage the exercise of charity for the sake 
 of producing great and conspicuous results, 
 that most persons who begin upon this prin- 
 ciple, end by having their temper soured, their 
 confidence destroyed, and their minds embit- 
 tered by uncharitable feelings towards their 
 fellow-creatures in general. " The poor are 
 so ungrateful," is their frequent remark a so 
 dishonest, so requiring; there is no pleasure 
 in doing any thing for them." But how dif- 
 ferent is the spirit which prompts these com- 
 plaints, from that of the Bible, where the poor 
 are mentioned in almost every page, and 
 where the duty of kindness and consider- 
 ation towards them is enforced upon the 
 simple ground of their being poor, without 
 regard to any other merit or demerit what- 
 ever! 
 
 Nor is it to the poor alone, but towards her 
 fellow-creatures in general, that the woman 
 who undertakes the superintendence of a fam- 
 ily, should cultivate feelings of kindness and 
 benevolence. Men, engaged in the active 
 affairs of life, have neither time nor oppor- 
 tunity for those innumerable little acts of con- 
 sideration which come within the sphere of 
 female duty, nor are they by nature so fitted 
 as woman for entering into the peculiarities 
 of personal feeling, so as to enable them to 
 sympathize with the suffering or the distressed. 
 But woman, in the happiest exercise of her 
 natural endowments, enjoys all those requi- 
 sites which are. combined in a real friend; 
 and as such she ought always to be regarded 
 at the head of her domestic establishment 
 a friend with whom all within the reach of 
 her influence may feel that their interests are 
 safe a friend in whose sympathy all may 
 share, and in whose charity all may find a 
 place. No one, however, can be such a 
 friend as this, without having cultivated be- 
 nevolent dispositions towards the humai 
 race in general, without feeling that all are 
 members of one great family, only differently 
 placed for a short period of their existence, 
 and that all are objects of kindness and care 
 to the same heavenly Father.
 
 94 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 CHAP. XI. 
 
 TREATMENT OF SERVANTS AND DEPENDANTS. 
 
 IF, as soon as a woman marries, she has 
 the services of domestic assistants at her 
 command, she has also devolving upon her 
 the responsibility of their comfort and their 
 general welfare ; and it is a serious thought 
 that she cannot, by any means, escape from 
 this responsibility, whatever may, in other 
 respects, be the privileges and indulgences of 
 her situation. Neither the affection of her 
 husband nor the kindness of her friends can 
 do any thing to relieve her here, except only 
 so far as their advice may aid her judgment ; 
 but as the mistress of a house she must be 
 the one responsible being for the habits, and, 
 in a great measure, for the circumstances of 
 those who are placed under her care. 
 
 By the thoughtless or inexperienced it may 
 be asked how this should be, since servants 
 are expected to care for us, not we for them ? 
 Such, however, is not the language of a 
 Christian woman, with whom it will be im- 
 possible to forget that her influence and ex- 
 ample must unavoidably give a tone to the 
 character of her whole household ; and if 
 there be no solicitude for a bias to be given 
 towards what is good, it must unavoidably be 
 towards what is evil. It is morally impossible 
 that it should be neither one way nor the 
 other, because the very time which a servant 
 spends beneath a master's. roof, will, of ne- 
 cessity, be confirming old habits, if not spent 
 in acquiring new ones ; and thus while fondly 
 persuading yourself that because you are 
 doing nothing you cannot be doing harm, 
 you may, in reality, be guilty of the sin of 
 omission, which, in cases of moral responsi- 
 bility, is often of the most serious conse- 
 quence. 
 
 It is too frequently considered that servants 
 are a class of persons merely subject to our 
 authority. Could we regard them more as 
 placed under our influence, we should take 
 a wider and more enlightened view of our 
 own responsibilities with regard to them. 
 And after all, it is influence rather than au- 
 thority which governs a household ; not but 
 
 that every mistress has a right to expect im- 
 plicit obedience, all neglect of which is inju- 
 rious to both the parties concerned, and in 
 order to enforce which, her orders should al- 
 ways be given in as clear and decided a man- 
 ner as possible, leaving nothing, except where 
 it is absolutely necessary, to contingencies, 
 and nothing to the choice of the servant her- 
 self, unless good reasons should /be adduced 
 for a change of purpose ; and then the or- 
 ders of the mistress should be so worded as 
 to make the purpose her own, and not to al- 
 low the servant an opportunity of feeling that 
 she has overruled the plans of her mistress, 
 and in reality substituted her own. 
 
 Where the mistress is an ignorant one, 
 these points of observance are very difficult 
 to maintain, and the habit of giving foolish 
 orders, inconvenient or impossible to be exe- 
 cuted,' and of finding that her servant is ca- 
 pable of proposing what is at once more rea- 
 sonable and much to be preferred, will, in all 
 probability, reduce her to a mere nonentity 
 as regards authority in her kitchen, and may 
 ultimately be the cause of her withdrawing 
 from all interference there. 
 
 But necessary as it is that a mistress should 
 be implicitly obeyed, I repeat, that it is not 
 by mere authority that a household can be 
 well governed ; because there are innumera- 
 ble ways in which servants can deceive with- 
 out being detected, and carry on their own 
 schemes while they appear to be adopting 
 those of a mistress ; it is, therefore, by no 
 other means than by the establishment of 
 mutual feelings of confidence and respect, 
 that we can hope to be as faithfully served 
 when absent, as when inspecting our affairs 
 in person ; and as I have already said that a 
 kitchen can never be the proper element for 
 an enlightened woman to live in, the greater 
 confidence she feels in a right system being 
 carried on -there, the more leisure she will 
 possess for other avocations, and the more 
 happiness she will enjoy. 
 
 The question then arises, how is this right 
 understanding, and this perfect confidence to 
 be attained ! I answer, first, by respecting 
 the rights of servants, and secondly, by atjen-
 
 TREATMENT OF SERVANTS, ETC. 
 
 95 
 
 tion to their interests. There are certain 
 duties which you have a right to require of 
 them, and among them is implicit obedience ; 
 but there are also many things which even 
 though they might greatly promote your con- 
 venience, you have no right to require. You 
 have no right to require a reduction of wages 
 below what you first agreed to give, or in- 
 deed, any deviation from what was stipulated 
 for in that agreement And here it may be 
 well to observe, that all particular require- 
 ments with regard to dress and personal 
 habits, should be mentioned at that time, so 
 that no disappointments or disputes may af- 
 terwards arise. Notes should also be made 
 of such arrangements, with the time of hir- 
 ing, and the rate of wages : and when all 
 these things in the beginning are clearly stated, 
 and fully understood, it may tend greatly to 
 the prevention of unpleasant consequences. 
 
 Whatever your own circumstances may 
 be, it is the right of your servants to have a 
 sufficiency of rest, and of wholesome food ; 
 and even in cases of sickness, or other exi- 
 gency, you have no right to require that either 
 should be given up ; to request it as a kind- 
 ness, is the only proper manner in which a 
 servant should be brought to make such con- 
 cessions ; and we have often a beautiful ex- 
 ample for imitation in the perfect willingness 
 with which, when thus treated, they will de- 
 ny themselves personal indulgence, more 
 especially sit up night after night with the 
 sick, without in the intermediate times neg- 
 lecting their daily work. 
 
 It is a delicate part of good management, 
 but a very important one in maintaining in- 
 fluence, to keep always clear distinctions on 
 these points, and not even to demand the 
 pillow from the servant's bed, remembering 
 that all things essential to their daily suste- 
 nance and nightly rest, have been stipulated 
 for in your first agreement, and that your ser- 
 vants are consequently under no greater ob- 
 ligation than other members of your family, 
 to give up what may be classed under the 
 head of bed or board. But I must again ob- 
 serve, that there is a manner of requesting 
 these things to be done, when required on 
 
 any extraordinary occasion, which seldom 
 meets with a refusal, or even with an unwil- 
 ling compliance. 
 
 A certain degree of care of your servants' 
 health is a species of kindness which they 
 always feel gratefully, and which is no more 
 than ought to be shown by the mistress to- 
 wards every member of her household. In- 
 deed it is impossible to imagine a kind-hearted 
 woman neglecting the pallid looks, and lan- 
 guid movements of those who are spending 
 their strength in her service ; and if she be 
 at the same time a lover of justice, she will 
 remember that the bodily exercise necessary 
 for carrying on household labor during the 
 day, requires a greater interval of rest than 
 such occupations as are generally carried on 
 in the drawing-room. Instead of which, how 
 often do we find those on whom devolves 
 the burden of this labor, required to rise two 
 or three hours earlier than their mistress, 
 and kept up at night as late as any of the 
 household ! kept up perhaps to wait for 
 the return of visitors, when another member 
 of the family, allowed to rest longer in the 
 morning, might as well have done so in their 
 stead kept up on a cold winter's night to 
 warm a bed, which the indulgent occupant 
 might more properly have warmed herself, 
 unless she had chosen to retire earlier or 
 kept up perhaps until a late hour for family 
 worship ; a practice which requires no fur- 
 ther comment, than to say, that except on 
 very extraordinary occasions, or where great 
 allowance is made in the morning for rest, 
 no servants ought to be expected to attend 
 family worship after ten at night. ?* --> 
 
 By allowing, and even requiring your ser- 
 vants to retire early, you have a right to ex- 
 pect their services early in the morning, 
 without which, no household can be properly 
 conducted ; for when the day commences 
 with hurry and confusion in order to over- 
 take lost time, the same state of things, only 
 aggravated by its unavoidable tendency to 
 call forth evil tempers, impatient expressions, 
 and angry retorts, will in all probability con- 
 tinue until the end of the, day. And here we 
 see, as in thousands of instances besides, the
 
 96 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 importance of making ourselves acquainted 
 with what belongs to nature, and especially 
 that of the human heart We may compel 
 an outward observance of the laws we lay 
 down for our own families, but we cannot 
 compel such feelings to go along with their 
 observance, as alone can render it of any 
 lasting benefit either to our servants or our- 
 selves. Thus by rendering our service an 
 irksome one, or in other words, not attending 
 to what the constitution of human nature 
 requires, we effectually destroy our good influ- 
 ence ; and if by bringing religion into the 
 same hard service, we render it an irksome 
 restraint, the mischief we do by this means 
 may be as fearful in its extent, as it is serious 
 and important in its character. But o this, 
 more in another chapter. 
 
 The same care which is exercised with re- 
 gard to your servants' health, should be ex- 
 tended to their habits in general, and even to 
 cases in which their good alone is concerned ; 
 for it is an act of injustice to complain of the 
 habits of this class of persons, without doing 
 your part to form, upon better principles, 
 those which come within the sphere of your 
 influence. It is often objected to this duty, 
 j that nothing can be done for the good of 
 young servants, so long as they are encour- 
 aged at home in what is foolish and wrong. 
 The mothers then are clearly to blame ; and 
 certainly the mothers in many poor families 
 are bad enough. But who made the mothers 
 what they are, or helped to make them so J 
 Unquestionably the negligent, injudicious, or 
 unprincipled mistresses under whose influ- 
 ence their early lives were spent 
 
 And have you not then sufficient regard 
 for the welfare of future generations to begin 
 a new system, by which the errors of the last 
 may be corrected 1 For the little thoughtless 
 girl just entering beneath your roof the 
 young nursery-maid she of whom nobody 
 thinks, except to find fault when she has 
 done wrong she who perhaps never thinks 
 herself, except to contrive how she shall man- 
 age to purchase a ribbon like that upon her 
 mistress's cap this very girl is gradually ex- 
 periencing under your influence, and, nom- 
 
 inally at least, under your care, that great and 
 important change of thought, feeling, and 
 habit, which is not improperly called the 
 formation of character; and this girl will 
 consequently take away with her whatever 
 bias she receives either from your neglect, or 
 your attentions, first into other families, and 
 then into her own, where she herself will 
 probably in her turn have to train up children 
 both for this world and the next 
 
 Will the wives of England then think me 
 very extravagant in my notions of what is 
 due towards servants, when I propose to 
 those in the middle class of society, that as 
 Christian women they should consider such 
 young servants as placed peculiarly under 
 their care ; because it is only by beginning 
 early, that that great and radical change can 
 be effected in the habits and character of ser- 
 vants generally, which all unite in consider- 
 ing as so. urgently required. 
 
 If a mistress would really do this, and I 
 cannot see how any responsible person so cir- 
 cumstanced is justified in neglecting it, she 
 would consider that some oversight of her 
 servants' wardrobe was absolutely necessary ; 
 and as they grow older, and come to be in- 
 trusted with money of their own, the same 
 Oversight should extend to their manner of 
 spending it It is an excellent thing when 
 servants are allowed time for making their 
 own clothes, and it is no mean occupation 
 for the mistress of a house to teach them 
 how to do so. I speak on the supposition 
 that she is acquainted with this art herself, 
 for I cannot imagine the education of an 
 English woman in the middle class of society 
 complete, without her having become familiar 
 with the art of making every article of dress 
 she wears. Not that she is under any obli- 
 gation to continue the practice of making her 
 own clothes; that is a totally different mat- 
 ter ; but as this class of women are situated, 
 and taking into account all the probabilities 
 of change of circumstance, failure of health, 
 or failure of pecuniary mean?, I am convinced 
 that no one could have to regret, while thou- 
 sands might have to rejoice, at having ac- 
 quired in early life an art so capable of
 
 TREATMENT OF SERVANTS, ETC. 
 
 97 
 
 being made useful both to themselves and 
 others. 
 
 I believe that one half of the forlornness, 
 discomfort, and apparent destitution of the 
 poor around us, arises, not so much from ab- 
 solute want of means, as from the absence 
 of all knowledge of this kind. They are un- 
 fortunately but too ready to imitate us in our 
 love of finery, our extravagance, and self-in- 
 dulgence ; and it is a serious question whether 
 they discover any thing else in us which they 
 can imitate ; but let them see our economy, 
 our industry, our contrivance, and our soli- 
 citude to turn every thing to the best ac- 
 count, and I believe they would not be 
 slow to imitate these habits as well as the 
 others. 
 
 The art of mending, for instance, though 
 most important to the poor, is one in which 
 they are lamentably deficient; and so much 
 waste, disorder, and slovenliness, are the con- 
 sequence of not being able to mend skilfully, 
 that this department of neatness and econo- 
 my is one in which all young servants should 
 be carefully instructed ; more especially as 
 the making-up of new clothes is a much 
 easier, as well as generally more agreeable 
 task, than that of mending old ones, so that 
 they look respectable to the last. 
 
 By this kind of oversight of her servants' 
 wardrobe, a kind-hearted and judicious mis- 
 tress may easily obtain some direction in the 
 expenditure of their money, and in nothing 
 is assistance to the poorer classes more ne- 
 cessary than in this. Servants generally are 
 pleased to have the approbation of a beloved 
 and respected mistress in those cases over 
 which she does not assume any direct author- 
 ity ; and they would be equally mortified to 
 find they had incurred her disapprobation by 
 the purchase of what was worthless, or un- 
 befitting their situation. By this means, too, 
 mistresses would generally be better able than 
 they are, to understand what is sufficient, 
 and consequently what is just, with regard 
 to wages ; for while, on the one hand, some 
 require their servants always to look respec- 
 table without allowing them the means to do 
 so, others are induced by fashion or custom 
 
 to give higher wages than are really any 
 benefit to the receiver. 
 
 But the variety of instances are too numer- 
 ous to specify, in which the Christian care 
 and oversight of a good mistress may be in- 
 valuable to a young servant. I will mention 
 but one more, and that of greater importance 
 than any which have yet fallen under our 
 consideration. I mean the preservation of 
 young servants from circumstances of expo- 
 sure or temptation. 
 
 Those who have never lived in large 
 towns, and especially in London, would 
 scarcely give credit to the facts, were they 
 told the number of instances in which ser- 
 vants are brought from the country, and be- 
 ing obliged, from illness or some other cause, 
 to leave their employers, are allowed to be 
 cast upon the mercy of the public, friendless 
 and destitue, and too often a prey to the 
 cruel deceptions which are practised upon 
 young females thus situated. Some of the 
 most painful among the many distressing cir- 
 cumstances which come under the notice of 
 those Christian ladies who have the over- 
 sight of female penitentiaries, are cases in 
 which country servants have been brought 
 to town, and having lost their health, or suf- 
 fered from accident, have been placed in 
 hospitals, and left there without regard to 
 their future destiny ; when, on coming out, 
 they have found that all clue was lost to their 
 former masters or mistresses, and that they 
 were consequently alone in the streets of 
 London, without money, without friends, and 
 without the knowledge of any respectable 
 place in which they might find shelter. 
 
 It may be said that these are extreme 
 cases, but it is lamentably true that these, 
 and others of similar neglect, are not so 
 rare as persons would suppose who are 
 unacquainted with the practices of our large 
 towns. 
 
 Another evil against which mistresses 
 ought to be especially on their guard, is 
 the introduction of unprincipled char-wo- 
 men, or other assistants, into their families. 
 In the country it is comparatively easy to 
 ascertain what is the general moral character
 
 96 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of those around us ; but in large towns this 
 knowledge is more difficult to acquire, and 
 incalculable mischief has often been the con- 
 sequence of associating young servants with 
 persons of this description. 
 
 The practice of sending out young female 
 servants late at night, to bring home any 
 members of the family who may be out visit- 
 ing, or placing them in any other manner 
 unnecessarily in circumstances of exposure, 
 are considerations to which we ought not to 
 be indifferent ; and the mistress who allows 
 her servant to be thus circumstanced, would 
 do well to ask herself how she would like a 
 young sister, or a daughter, to be placed in a 
 similar situation. Can it be that youth has 
 not as strong a claim to our protection in the 
 lower as in the higher walks of life 1 Can it 
 be that innocence is not as precious to the 
 poor as to the rich 1 Did the case admit of 
 any degree of comparison, I should say that 
 it was more so ; for what has a poor girl but 
 her character to depend upon! Or when 
 once the stigma of having deviated from the 
 strict line of propriety attaches to her name, 
 who is there to defend her from the conse- 
 quences 1 Her future lot will in all probabil- 
 ity be to become the wife of some poor and 
 hard-working man, whose whole amount of 
 worldly wealth will be comprised in the re- 
 spectability of his humble home. Who then, 
 through indifference or neglect, would allow 
 a shadow to steal in, still less a blight to fall, 
 where, in spite of poverty, in spite of trial, in 
 spite of all those hardships which are the 
 inevitable portion of the man who earns 
 his bread by the labor of his hands, his 
 home might still be an earthly paradise to 
 him? 
 
 Young women of a higher grade in socie- 
 ty, or those who are more properly called la- 
 dies, being all taught in the great school of 
 polished society, acquire the same habits of 
 decorum, and even of modesty, to a certain 
 extent; and the restrictions of eociety render- 
 ing it more painful to deviate from such hab- 
 its, than to maintain them through life, we 
 come, very naturally, to look upon them 
 rather as a matter of course than as a merit 
 
 But in the modesty of a poor young girl there 
 is inexpressible beauty, because we know that 
 it must arise from the right feelings of her 
 heart ; and none who are capable of truly 
 estimating this charm, would for the wealth 
 of worlds be the cause of its being lost 
 
 It is a common saying with servants, that 
 they do not fear work if well treated ; and I 
 believe such little acts of consideration as the 
 heart of a kind mistress will naturally sug- 
 gest, may be made to go much further in 
 stimulating them to a right performance of 
 their duty, than either high wages or great 
 personal indulgence. A little consideration 
 shown for their wishes, where the matter is 
 one of little moment to their employers, is felt 
 by them as a real kindness, and often abun- 
 dantly rewarded by their willingness and 
 alacrity in doing whatever is required of 
 them. 
 
 An instance was once brought painfully 
 under my notice, where the mistress of a 
 house and some of her family were consult- 
 ing about whether a servant should be sent 
 to a neighboring town before, or after, dinner. 
 They themselves appearing to have no choice, 
 it was suggested by another party, that the 
 servant would prefer going in the afternoon. 
 "He prefer it, indeed!" exclaimed the lady 
 of the house ; " then for that reason he shall 
 go in the morning." When it is added, that 
 the lady was a most kind, and in many re- 
 spects, truly excellent character, this fact is 
 difficult to believe ; and I am only induced 
 to state it as a striking proof to what an ex- 
 tent benevolent feeling may be restrained in 
 its exercise, by the habit of thinking that ser- 
 vants are merely passive instruments upon 
 which authority ought to be exercised ; and 
 that, consequently, all pretension on their part 
 to an equality of feeling with ourselves, as re- 
 gards what is agreeable or otherwise, ought 
 to be put down by the most prompt and de- 
 cided measures. 
 
 After all, however, it must be allowed, that 
 there are some servants, and perhaps not a 
 few, who cannot, by the best and most judi- 
 cious treatment, be moulded to our wishes ; 
 and with regard to these, if the case is a de-
 
 TREATMENT OF SERVANTS, ETC. 
 
 99 
 
 cided one, that they can neither do good to 
 us, nor we to them, the sooner we get rid of 
 them the better. Before deciding too hastily 
 to part with a servant, we should, however, 
 call into exercise all the charity we can, by 
 remembering how different their education 
 and early treatment have been from ours, 
 and if we cannot on this ground forgive them 
 some faults, either they or we must be wrong 
 indeed. 
 
 Again, there may have been faults on our 
 side as well as theirs. We may have been 
 too lax in our discipline, for kindness ceases 
 to be such when it degenerates into negli- 
 gence. Thus, to permit servants to feel that 
 there are in your household departments of 
 duty which you never superintended, and 
 places and things secure from your inspec- 
 tion, is allowing them a license which few 
 are so conscientious as- not, in some measure, 
 to abuse. It may happen too, that you have 
 been expecting regularity from them, while 
 you have failed to practise it yourself; or, 
 that you have been requiring neatness, order, 
 and punctuality, when your own example, 
 on these points of observance, has been far 
 from corresponding with your precepts and 
 injunctions. 
 
 That care should be exercised not to part 
 too hastily with servants, is as much for the 
 interest of one party as another ; since the 
 distinction of a bad name as a mistress, is 
 sure to be felt in its natural consequence of 
 preventing good servants seeking employ- 
 ment under such direction. It is in the power 
 of all mistresses to make it a privilege to 
 live with them ; but still, even this privilege 
 will occasionally be abused. There are cases 
 too, in which the natural dispositions of the 
 two parties are not suited ; and there is such 
 a thing as a mistress becoming afraid' of her 
 servant afraid to thwart her plans, or afraid 
 to enforce others ; and where such is the 
 feeling, whatever may be the excellences of 
 the servant, that she is not in her proper 
 place with such a mistress, is sufficiently 
 evident. 
 
 Instances of dishonesty, or other cases of 
 serious moral delinquency, I have not deem- 
 
 ed it necessary to mention, because all must 
 be aware of the importance of treating them 
 in an equitable and summary manner. The 
 only thing to be observed in relation to these 
 is, that the evidence upon which we act 
 should be clear and decisive. 
 
 In all cases of dissatisfaction, it is good to 
 bear in mind the familiar and true maxim, 
 that " good mistresses make good servants ;" 
 and that with persons who are constantly 
 changing, some fault must rest with them- 
 selves some fault attributable either to mis- 
 management or neglect some fault arising 
 either from too great indulgence, or too great 
 severity, or perhaps from a mixture of both. 
 And I am strongly disposed to think, that in- 
 dependently of such faults, many of the griev- 
 ances we complain of in our domestic affairs, 
 and especially those which arise out of the 
 foolish, perverse, or unprincipled conduct of 
 our servants, might be obviated by more 
 careful attention being paid to the formation 
 of their character when young. 
 
 That a better system is also required with 
 regard to the practice of giving characters to 
 servants, is universally allowed ; yet few per- 
 sons seem to have the moral courage to be- 
 gin with a plan, which shall at once be more 
 just to the employers and the employed. 
 This weakness of purpose originates, no 
 doubt, in an amiable feeling of anxiety, lest, 
 by speaking of our servants as we have 
 really found them, we should deprive them 
 of a future home. The case unquestionably 
 has its difficulties, yet as a moral obligation, 
 it must be allowed, that the sooner we begin 
 to act fairly and honestly, the better it will 
 ultimately be, both for ourselves and those 
 with whom we are associated ; and there 
 can be no doubt, that the confidence all ser- 
 vants feel in being able to obtain what is call- 
 ed a character, so long as they have not been 
 really dishonest, insolent, or disobedient, ren- 
 ders them more careless than they otherwise 
 would be, of those minor points of domestic 
 duty, which, taken as a whole, form an ag- 
 gregate of considerable importance to those 
 who engage their services. This, then, is 
 one of those cases, in which the Wives of
 
 100 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 England are called upon to assist each other, 
 not only in making a strong determination, 
 but in acting upon it, so far as to break 
 through a popular and long-established prac- 
 tice, by speaking of servants, when asked for 
 their character, in such terms as they really 
 deserve ; without reference to their worldly 
 interests, or indeed to any thing but the sim- 
 ple truth. If by such means a few of them 
 should be 'longer than they now are in ob- 
 taining situations, a great many would be 
 more careful to fill their places to the satis- 
 faction of the families by whom they are 
 employed ; and thus honesty would be found 
 in the end, as it always is, to be the best 
 policy. 
 
 In addition to household servants, many 
 married women have devolving upon them 
 the serious responsibility of caring for appren- 
 tices, or other assistants in the way of busi- 
 ness ; and in the discharge of these duties, it 
 is most important for all who are thus cir- 
 cumstanced to ask themselves, whether they 
 are acting upon the golden rule of doing to 
 others what they would that others should 
 do to them, or to those in whom they are 
 most warmly interested. If they are, their 
 merit is great, and there can be no doubt but 
 their reward will be so too ; for we must all 
 allow, that it requires no ordinary share of 
 kind feeling, or of Christian principle, to do 
 all which a high sense of duty requires in this 
 respect 
 
 There are many reasons why the task is 
 difficult almost too difficult for mere human 
 nature to perform ; and it is not the least of 
 these, that most young men who begin to 
 learn a business, enter as strangers into a 
 family at an age when they have little to re- 
 commend them as companions, except to 
 their own associates, or to a partial parent ; 
 yet at that precise time of their lives, when 
 the formation of their habits and character 
 requires the strictest care. It is easy to ima- 
 gine that few women would prefer spending 
 much of their time with youths of fifteen, or 
 eighteen years of age, in connection with 
 whom they have no family tie, or strong con- 
 necting interest ; but why, on the other hand, 
 
 the wife of a man who is engaged in busi- 
 ness, to the successful pursuit of which she 
 owes all her pecuniary advantages, should 
 hold herself above her husband's clerks or 
 apprentices, I never could distinctly see; 
 more especially as time was when her own 
 husband was thus situated, and most pro- 
 bably time will be, when her sons will be the 
 same. 
 
 Is it possible, then, that a mother thus 
 circumstanced can look with indifference to 
 the future, when the happy boy who plays 
 beside her, the joy of her own heart, and the 
 pride of his father's the spirited handsome 
 fellow who carries away the prizes at his 
 school, and lords it over his playmates, and 
 only softens into tenderness when he sees his 
 mother's tears is it possible that she can 
 think with indifference of the time when he 
 shall be old enough to go out into a stran- 
 ger's family nay, actually be bound there 
 for a term of years, and thus inwrought as it 
 were with the entire fabric of a new order of 
 domestic arrangements, yet notwithstanding 
 all this, made to sit apart, and to feel that he 
 is not only an alien but an absolute intruder, 
 as regards the mistress of that family and her 
 friends! Could the fond mother follow her 
 boy when thus circumstanced up to his own 
 bedroom in the attic, and see how often, for 
 want of a welcome at the household hearth, 
 he sits there upon his box, and reads the 
 books he brought from home, at the risk of 
 being chidden for the light he has kept burn- 
 ing ; could she see the far-off way in which 
 he sits at the family board, satisfying his hun- 
 ger according to necessity, not choice ; 
 could she see the manner in which, from the 
 very overflow of the life of his young spirit 
 he is driven down and compelled to make 
 merry with associates unfitted to himself, at 
 least to that self with which he was identified 
 in his father's home, but which he has almost 
 ceased to remember now ; could she hear 
 when he speaks how his voice is becoming 
 gradually habituated to the utterance of low 
 thoughts and words which never formed a 
 part of the language of his home ; but be- 
 yond all this could she see his Sabbaths
 
 TREATMENT OF SERVANTS, ETC. 
 
 101 
 
 his days of rest those happy days, when the 
 members of his father's family used all to be 
 united in equality of feeling, and solicitous 
 only to give precedence to each other, could 
 she behold him walking the streets of some 
 great town, and for want of home-attractions, 
 for want of cordiality and welcome at his 
 master's fireside, familiarizing himself with 
 the sinful practices of others similarly cir- 
 cumstanced ; could the mother, beholding 
 all this, trace out its fearful and degrading 
 consequences upon the future destiny of her 
 boy, she would be ready to exclaim to the 
 mistress of that household "Save my child !" 
 Should any such appeal be made, the mis- 
 tress of that family would in all probability 
 reply with indignation " The young men 
 employed in my husband's business enjoy 
 the very best of food, they are not required to 
 work beyond the hours agreed upon, and 
 their sleeping-rooms are healthy and well 
 furnished." And all this may be strictly 
 true, yet the mother's heart may be unsatis- 
 fied, for she knows, and we all know, that it 
 is possible to be well cared for as regards the 
 body, and yet be made to feel most destitute. 
 We all know that there is a kind of treat- 
 ment which elevates the moral feelings, and 
 another which degrades them, rendering the 
 spirit upon which it operates, grovelling, ser- 
 vile, mean. And if this powerful influence 
 should be made to weigh upon, and bear 
 down the buoyant mind of youth, what must 
 we expect, after such treatment, will be the 
 downward tendency of old age 1 
 
 But is it possible, we ask again, that the 
 mother whose natural instinct renders her so 
 keenly alive to all these feelings as regards 
 her own child, can be insensible to the claims 
 of others ? can be induced by her own pride 
 or her own selfishness to trample under foot 
 the high moral obligation laid upon her, to 
 be as a mother to her own household, but 
 especially to the young, remembering that 
 they will go forth into the world bearing the 
 seal upon their foreheads of her maternal 
 care, or of her most culpable neglect ] Nor 
 is this all. She must remember, too, that 
 these very youths are to constitute in after 
 
 ife that strong phalanx of respectability, in 
 whose moral power are vested the interests 
 of the people, and the welfare of the state, 
 ts it right then is it just is it politic that 
 during five or seven long years of the lives 
 of such men years in which the most last- 
 ing impressions they ever will receive, are 
 made upon their minds is it right, or in any 
 way to be reconciled to English women, that 
 for this portion of their lives they should be 
 subjected to a system of moral discipline, 
 calculated, in almost every way, to lower 
 them as future citizens of the world 1 
 
 But it is not always thus. There are no- 
 ble and beautiful instances of women who 
 absolutely could not live upon such terms ; 
 warm-hearted, patriotic women, who can- 
 not sit down to their own tables without a 
 cordial welcome for every one entitled to a 
 place at the same board who, putting aside 
 all personal feeling, can even make friends 
 of such associates, remembering that to their 
 parents and their country they are in a great 
 measure responsible for the high or low posi- 
 tion such men may take in after life. Yes, 
 we are happy in believing there are those 
 who would willingly bear all the annoyance 
 or restraint of such society, were it tenfold 
 greater than it is, rather than be the cause of 
 one young man being drawn out from home 
 to seek enjoyment, or down into a lower 
 grade of social fellowship, for a freedom and 
 a cordiality wliich he could not find with her. 
 Contemptuously as young men will often 
 speak of the influence and the habits of wo- 
 men in general, I believe there are few who 
 may not in the early part of their lives, be 
 more easily influenced by women than by 
 men by judicious women, I mean, for, not- 
 withstanding the absurdities of which some 
 youths are guilty themselves, they appear to 
 be instinctively quick-sighted to the absurdi- 
 ties of others, and especially to those of wo- 
 man. In fact, they seem glad to lay hold of 
 any excuse for despising them, and, even 
 where they feel the greatest respect, will sel- 
 dom acknowledge it openly or directly. But 
 for all this, the cautious and well-ordered 
 treatment of women tells upon their charac-
 
 102 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 ters in the end ; ami by a little good-natured 
 falling-in with their humors, a little forbear- 
 ance under the infliction of their annoyances, 
 a little good sense, and a great deal of cheer- 
 fulness, an amiable woman will seldom fail to 
 obtain, even without the assumption of any 
 direct authority, an extensive influence over 
 the young men with whom she is associated. 
 
 For this reason, and because the master of 
 a family with whom it rests to exercise real 
 authority cannot so well unbend, and make 
 himself familiar with the young people under 
 his direction, the claims of this part of the 
 community are strong upon the wives of 
 England, who as they value the comfcrt of 
 their own sons, and estimate with regard to 
 them the advantages of a high moral stand- 
 ard, can surely not forget the interests of the 
 stranger's son committed to their care. 
 
 The same observations apply with equal 
 force to dependants of every description, ex- 
 cepting only that those who are not bound, 
 may be considered as at liberty to find situa- 
 tions more suited to their ideas of comfort 
 
 But, above all others, the class of destitute 
 or homeless relatives are most entitled to our 
 consideration and kindness. Yet such is the 
 weakness of human nature in cases of severe 
 or protracted trial, that the good and the hap- 
 piness of all parties seem to require as little 
 mixing up as possible in the same household, 
 of rich and poor relations. When the poor 
 have to be provided for by more affluent rel- 
 atives, it is better far better, to do this at a 
 distance, or at least not associated as one 
 family ; though such needful precaution has 
 nothing whatever to do with the kindness 
 which may often be most appropriately ex- 
 tended towards them as guests, or indeed as 
 members of the same family for a limited 
 period. 
 
 In all such cases, there are difficulties to 
 be contended with on both sides, owing to 
 the natural tendency in one party to suspect 
 or imagine slights, and in the other to appre- 
 hend or resist encroachments. One half of 
 these, however, I am fully persuaded, might 
 be obviated by a candid and delicate mode 
 of behavior on the part of the mistress of a 
 
 house who entertains such relatives as guests. 
 Her behavior must be delicate in the extreme, 
 because she has to do with those whose pe- 
 culiar situation renders them more than com- 
 monly susceptible of pain : and it must be 
 candid ; because in all such cases the habit 
 of leaving tilings to be understood is the 
 surest way to produce misunderstandings. 
 Still, the delicacy which would make no 
 difference be felt, would fail in its object to 
 do good ; because as the world considers 
 there is a vast difference between abundant 
 and slender pecuniary means, there could be 
 no kindness in persuading those who are but 
 scantily supplied in this respect, that they are 
 to mix in society upon the same terms as the 
 rich ; and more especially after one or more 
 generations have marked this difference be- 
 tween them and their relatives by stronger 
 characters. 
 
 While it is left to all persons to decide ac- 
 cording to their own judgment to what ex- 
 tent they will cultivate the acquaintance of 
 their poorer relatives, the manner of doing 
 this admits of no doubt ; for to receive them 
 as guests without a welcome, is at once a 
 breach of justice and of hospitality. The 
 welcome then which I would earnestly re- 
 commend, is one which sets them perfectly 
 at ease as to any fear of intrusion, and which 
 does away with all idea that personally they 
 are considered as inferiors by the mistress of 
 the house ; though at the same time her be- 
 havior should be such as to assist them in 
 marking out for their safety, in associating 
 with others, those delicate distinctions, upon 
 the nice observance of which so much of 
 their comfort and respectability depends. By 
 encouraging them to trust implicitly to her 
 candor in expressing her wishes respecting 
 them, she may, as the mistress of a house, 
 be enabled to become a real friend to a class 
 of persons whose claims are perhaps the 
 strongest of any upon our sympathy and 
 consideration. For let the case be our own 
 let the lapse of time as it passes over our 
 family connections leave us alone to struggle 
 with a tide of adverse circumstances ; while 
 those who originally branched off from the
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 103 
 
 same root are basking in the sunshine of 
 prosperity let us ask of our own hearts, 
 whether we should not sometimes feel it 
 hard to be shut out from their indulgences, 
 and thrust down as it were into a lower 
 grade of society altogether, without any fault 
 of our own. 
 
 Nor is it so much the fact itself, as the ac- 
 companiments of this fact, which we should 
 feel it hard to bear the willingness of our 
 relations to forget us their cold or forced 
 civilities when we claimed their attention, 
 compared with the warmth of their emotions 
 towards those who were more distinguished 
 than ourselves the situations they might 
 point out to us as eligible, but which they 
 would almost die rather than occupy the 
 times they would choose for inviting us, 
 when no one else was likely to appear the 
 multitude of things reserved for us to do, 
 when our health required that we should 
 have perfect rest all which are perfectly nat- 
 ural, and might easily occur without any ac- 
 companiment of unkind feeling. Yet, these 
 a*e only small items of a vast sum, like grains 
 of dust in the long wearisome and humilia- 
 ting path, which the poor relation must tread 
 in associating with the rich. 
 
 In all such circumstances, how much may 
 the facts themselves be ameliorated to the 
 sufferer by the kind and cordial treatment of 
 the mistress of a family, and especially by 
 one whose high sense of justice and generos- 
 ity admits of no half welcomes beneath her 
 roof! Such a mistress will consider the poor 
 relative as peculiarly under her protection, to 
 guard from slights, to bring forward as oc- 
 casion may invite, to keep back as circum- 
 stances may require, and to render comforta- 
 ble and at ease whatever may occur. And 
 if in the contemplation of this duty, in addi- 
 tion to those already dwelt upon in this chap- 
 ter, the English wife should fear that her 
 time will be so occupied in thinking of others, 
 as to leave none for thinking of herself, she 
 must remember, that by these means she 
 will gather around her a strong phalanx of 
 friends, whose love and gratitude will leave 
 her little to wish for, which it is in their power 
 
 to supply ; and beyond this, she will find that 
 by the same means she has been put in pos- 
 session of one of the great secrets of human 
 happiness that of making others happy. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 VISITING, and receiving visits, being re- 
 garded by some married women as among 
 the most important avocations of life, it may 
 possibly to such individuals imply an igno- 
 rance of the claims of society, when I ven- 
 ture to hint at the probability of this being 
 one of the peculiar temptations against 
 which women in general would do wisely to 
 be on their guard, especially against acquir- 
 ing a habit of visiting, as a means of escape 
 from the dullness and monotony of their own 
 firesides. 
 
 It needs but little acquaintance with do- 
 mestic duty, to know that there must be 
 something wrong in the home of that woman 
 who is always leaving it ; although, on the 
 other hand, few persons would recommend 
 exclusive confinement to the same narrow 
 sphere of thought and action, in which we 
 exist at home. It is good to go out into so- 
 ciety sometimes, in order that we may return 
 with the greater relish ; but a still more ex- 
 tensive amount of good is derived from what 
 we may learn in mixed society, and gome- 
 times even from the humblest individuals we 
 meet with there. 
 
 It must, however, depend much upon our- 
 selves, whether we go out prepared to make 
 fishing a wholesome refreshment to the mind, 
 or a means of collecting and disseminating 
 low ideas with regard to our own affairs, and 
 those of our neighbors. When a married 
 woman goes out intent upon reckoning the 
 cost of the entertainment she partakes of, 
 upon comparing her neighbor's furniture with 
 her own, but especially upon depreciating 
 the excellence of all which falls under her 
 notice, it may safely be said that she would
 
 104 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 have been better at home ; but when she goes 
 out with a desire to extend her kindly feel- 
 ings towards her fellow-creatures in general, 
 to learn from others, and to impart knowledge 
 in return ; or, in other words, to do and re- 
 ceive good in any way that may open, she 
 will seldom have the mortification of return- 
 ing home weary and dispirited, or wishing 
 she had never gone. 
 
 But .pleasant as this kind of refreshment 
 may occasionally be, and necessary as it is 
 sometimes to mix with others in order to 
 have our views enlarged, and our prejudices 
 rubbed off, the woman who makes it the chief 
 business of her life to visit and receive com- 
 pany, will have committed a lamentable mis- 
 take by getting married ; for this business 
 might unquestionably have been carried on 
 in her single state with as much enjoyment 
 to herself, and with far less injury to the hap- 
 piness of others. Whatever is done by a 
 married woman in the way of duty, must 
 have reference to others, and more especially 
 to those with whom she is most intimately 
 connected ; how then can it be promoting 
 their interests, or making their welfare the 
 chief object of desire, for her to be bestowing 
 her time, her intelligence nay, all that is 
 pleasing in her manners, and interesting in 
 her character, .upon comparative strangers ; 
 while her lassitude, weariness, and exhaus- 
 tion, the natural effects of too much excite- 
 ment, are brought home to her own family, 
 and unsparingly indulged before them. 
 
 There are probably few English wives who 
 would really wish to enter at once upon so 
 unnatural a way of living ; but there are un- 
 fortunately too many, who from want of firm- 
 ness to resist temptation, as well as prudence 
 and discernment to foresee what consequen- 
 ces must inevitably follow certain acts, are 
 drawn into that vortex of dissipation appa- 
 rently against their will, and, if one could re- 
 ally believe their protestations, still more 
 decidedly against their inclinations. 
 
 There is no more curious phenomenon, 
 presented by human life, than that of innu- 
 merable multitudes of persons doing every 
 day, towards each other, with every demon- 
 
 stration of delight, what one half at least of 
 the same individuals declare themselves to 
 be doing with the utmost unwillingness, and 
 even with dislike. In nothing is this more 
 striking than in the ceremony of making 
 morning calls. The devices which are prac- 
 tised to escape from callers, on the one hand, 
 and to call upon persons who are not at 
 home, on the other, might put to shame the 
 warmest advocate for keeping up these forms 
 of polished life. For let the whole nation, as 
 with one stout heart, determine to speak the 
 truth, and say exactly what degree of willing- 
 ness is really felt to go out and make these 
 calls, or to stay at home and receive them, 
 and let the willingness thus avowed, be made 
 the rule of their future conduct, what an im- 
 mense amount of precious time would thus 
 be rescued from worse than waste ! 
 
 Nor is it the absolute calls themselves, 
 which constitute the whole objection to the 
 practice as it is now carried on, for every 
 mistress of a family addicted to this practice, 
 knows that there are two or three good 
 hours nay, actually the very best of every 
 day, which she can never call her own, and 
 which she consequently makes no attempt to 
 spend in any rational or useful manner. If 
 any thing within the sphere of her duties has 
 really to be done, it must be hurried through 
 between, perhaps, a late breakfast, and the 
 arrival of those few early callers, who come 
 on business, or who really wish to find the 
 lady of the house at home. When these are 
 gone, the first part of the farce commences, 
 and if the after scenes could be made to vary 
 so as to develop what was interesting or 
 new, there would perhaps be less objection 
 to the whole. But, unfortunately, having gone 
 through one set of observations, one series of 
 little surprises at the intelligence of the day, 
 one succession of animated smiles, and ex- 
 pressions of profound interest, no sooner is 
 another guest announced, than the lady of 
 the house has to be just as much astonished 
 at the news, and just as much startled at 
 each item of intelligence, as if she had never 
 heard it before just as much pleased to re- 
 ceive tiie twentieth caller as the first, and al-
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 105 
 
 though in all probability no single truth has 
 been told her with which she was not all the 
 while acquainted, no new idea developed, 
 and no feeling, except weariness, excited, she 
 has to remain until the last as fascinating, 
 vivacious, and apparently delighted, as she 
 was at first. 
 
 Now if this is not hard labor, I am igno- 
 rant what labor is. If this is not waste of 
 time, I am ignorant what is its use. If this 
 is not a weariness and degradation to the 
 spirit, I am ignorant on that point too. Al- 
 lowing, however, that calks are necessary, a 
 fact I do not pretend to dispute, allowing also 
 that some particular portion of each day 
 should be appropriated to that purpose, what 
 harm, I would ask, would result to society in 
 general, from having that time compressed 
 into the space of one hour each day. It is 
 true that by this means many callers would 
 probably have to be introduced at the same 
 time, but here would be the great advantage, 
 that the same common-place remarks would 
 do for all at once, the same little starts of as- 
 tonishment, the same expression of interest 
 lighting up the face, and beyond this, the 
 same delighted welcome for the many, em- 
 bodied in one, might have a better chance of 
 being really cordial and sincere. In addition 
 to these advantages, every married woman 
 should have the privilege of fixing her own 
 hour as a generally understood thing, so that 
 her household arrangements might be made 
 accordingly ; and time comparatively secure 
 would thus be left for pursuing any more im- 
 portant avocations without fear of interrup-' 
 tion. 
 
 I now appeal to the wives of England, 
 whether the carrying out of such a plan 
 would not be felt as a general relief; more 
 especially since it need only be adopted by 
 those who consider time too precious a gift 
 to be spent in a sort of trifling which seems 
 neither to do good, nor to give satisfaction ; 
 while all who prefer the present system, 
 would enjoy the gratification of spending 
 their whole mornings either in making or 
 receiving calls. The only difference to them 
 would be, that they could no longer with any 
 
 justice complain of the system as irksome or 
 annoying. 
 
 In such observations I would be under- 
 stood to refer to those calls of cerembny, 
 habit, or fancied necessity, which are univer- 
 sally complained of behind the scenes. Visits 
 of friendship are of a totally different order, 
 and might be arranged for accordingly. But 
 whatever plans may be proposed, the great 
 evil to be avoided is, a universal determina- 
 tion to appear pleased with what is as uni- 
 versally complained of as a waste of time, 
 and a tax upon patience and sincerity ; for 
 that can never be a right state of things, 
 where a general grievance is borne with 
 under the pretence of its being a pleasure. 
 There #re many grievances which must be 
 borne with, and which it is consequently de- 
 sirable to make the best of; and there are 
 others which fall heavily upon individuals, 
 and yet conduce to the general good ; but 
 that a burden felt by all, and sincerely de- 
 plored by the majority of those who bear it, 
 should come not only to be submitted to, but 
 apparently rejoiced in, is a phenomenon 
 which exhibits so striking an instance of the 
 self-mastery of woman, that one cannot suf- 
 ficiently regret this exercise of her magna- 
 nimity not being devoted to a nobler cause. 
 
 The art of receiving guests agreeably, ar- 
 ranging them judiciously, and treating them 
 so that every one shall feel perfectly at ease, 
 is of more importance to the mistress of a 
 house, than the display of her richest jewels, 
 or her most studied accomplishments. In- 
 deed, there is always this fact to be borne in 
 mind with regard to society in general, that 
 nothing which is merely an embellishment to 
 ourselves, can, as regards its real value, bear 
 the slightest proportion to that which affords 
 gratification to others. The mistress of a 
 house would do little for the enjoyment of 
 her guests by being the most splendidly 
 dressed, or even the most striking and dis- 
 tinguished person in her own drawing-room. 
 The probability is that half of them would go 
 away secretly, if not openly, affronted. Her 
 proper duty is to allow them an opportunity 
 of shining, if they can ; and in pursuance of
 
 106 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 this subject, she will endeavor to make way 
 for the distinguished, as well as to bring for- 
 ward the retiring. But more especially it is 
 her part to be unobtrusively watchful of in- 
 dividual comfort, attentive to every wish, 
 moving about from one to another without 
 bustle or officiousness, and above all things 
 taking care thatJhe most insignificant are 
 not neglected. She must do all this too with 
 a perfect knowledge of what is in human na- 
 ture, so as not to offend while endeavoring 
 to please ; and with a perfect adaptation of 
 herself to the different characters of her 
 guests, whose enjoyment for the evening 
 must be in a great measure at her disposal. 
 Thus the mistress of a house may attain the 
 desirable object of having her visitors all 
 pleased and satisfied, without any of them 
 being aware how much of their gratificatign 
 they owe to her ; for I am supposing her one 
 of those unselfish women, who, when they go 
 into company, are intent only upon the hap- 
 piness of those around them, and who conse- 
 quently escape the disappointment of having 
 failed in their own persons to be either courted 
 or admired. 
 
 But there is a far different manner of visit- 
 ing and receiving visits from this and I had 
 almost said, would that there were no other 
 with which we had any thing to do ! I mean 
 where one or more friends real friends, are 
 invited by the mistress of a house to be for a 
 short time the companions of her fireside en- 
 joyments, and, as members of the same fam- 
 ily, to partake in whatever may constitute its 
 amusements or its privileges. Here then we 
 find an appropriate and ample field for the full 
 development of those qualifications, whether 
 natural or acquired, which are combined in 
 an agreeable companion ; for here are happi- 
 ly united, freedom for the exercise of truth, 
 time for narrative, opportunity for confidence, 
 resource for intellect, occasion for pleasantry, 
 recollections shared together, hopes mutually 
 anticipated, and indeed any thing which an 
 affectionate heart, and an enlightened under- 
 standing, can require for enjoyment 
 
 What a luxury too it is for a married 
 woman to feel such perfect identity with her 
 
 husband in all he is, and in all he possesses, 
 that her home, her books, her garden, seem 
 to be her very own to place at the disposal 
 of her friend ; but greater than all, is the 
 luxury of gathering into her bosom that ful- 
 ness of delight, derived from ten thousand 
 sources, yet all embodied in the simple feel- 
 ing, that she has a home to offer. There is 
 nothing in the joy of girlhood equal to this ; 
 and say what people will about marriage 
 being the grave of friendship, I cannot think 
 the wife is the person most to blame where it 
 is so. Perhaps there is no blame at all, for I 
 should rather think the falling off of female 
 friends might, in a great measure, be attrib- 
 uted to a natural shrinking, on the side of the 
 unmarried party, from admitting, as she sup- 
 poses he must be, a man, and perhaps a 
 stranger, into her confidence. There are, 
 however, so very few men who care any 
 thing at all about such confidence, who feel 
 any curiosity to know what female friendship 
 is composed of, 'or who even listen when its 
 details are laid before them, that such an ob- 
 jection need scarcely be allowed to interfere 
 with the freedom of intercourse, which con- 
 stitutes one of the great privileges of friend- 
 ship, and without which it must be little bet- 
 ter than a name. 
 
 Beyond this, too, there may be a little fault 
 on the part of the unmarried friend, in at- 
 taching ideas of what is interesting, exclu- 
 sively to those unfamiliar scenes, and images 
 of impossible perfection, which occupy the 
 mind of the romantic, or the highly imagina- 
 tive, to the exclusion of what is real, practi- 
 cal, and true. Thus the wife who really 
 does her duty, is not unfrequently condemned 
 by her female friends, as being a common- 
 place, and perhaps a vulgar, or degenerate 
 being. But could they really know what 
 deep and thrilling interests are to her in- 
 volved in this her duty, what high and burn- 
 ing zeal what quenchless ardor what en- 
 thusiasm, what feeling, are expended upon 
 the avocations of each day, marked as they 
 must be, by the ebb and flow of affection's 
 ceaseless tide ; could they see all thi?, how 
 would they start astonished at their own mis-
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 107 
 
 take, in having supposed that the mere ma- 
 terial elements upon which the duties of a 
 wife were exercised, were in themselves 
 what constituted the reality of all the interest 
 which she had in life. No ; beyond these 
 visible signs which tell of the observance or 
 neglect of duty, she has a life a soul a 
 spiritual existence, which comprises every 
 thing between the wide extremes of happi- 
 ness and wo ; and if her early associates 
 will not believe it, if they will withdraw them- 
 selves, and think, and say, that she is 
 changed, it is because she regards all the in- 
 tense and profound realities of the life she 
 now leads, as too sacred to be unveiled even 
 before the eye of friendship. 
 
 But she is not changed : a warm, true- 
 hearted woman cannot change to those she 
 has loved in early life, simply because her 
 name, her home, and the occupations which 
 fill up her time, are not the same. Affection 
 in such a heart can never die ; where it has 
 once fixed, it will retain its hold ; and if by 
 force it should be shaken off, it will be like 
 wrenching away a portion of the heart itself. 
 If new ties are formed, it does not follow 
 that the old ones shall be broken. They 
 rather grow into the soul from having been 
 interwoven with its earliest affections, and 
 if they are less observable in after life, it is 
 only because they lie the deepest, and are 
 consequently the most concealed. 
 
 But to return to the subject of duty ; in 
 the act of entertaining her familiar friends, 
 
 j and particularly those who are younger than 
 herself, the married woman may possibly sup- 
 pose that she enjoys only a pleasant 'recrea- 
 tion, by which the more serious business of 
 life may be diversified with social amusement. 
 But however much this might have been the 
 case in her single state, it is so no longer ; for 
 as the mistress of a house, and the head of a 
 family, she holds a relation to her young 
 friends which is necessarily invested with a 
 degree of authority, and for the use of this 
 authority she is as a Christian woman ac- 
 countable. Even if no attempt is made to 
 use her influence, so as to give to the minds 
 around her a bias either one way or another, 
 
 L " 
 
 some bias will necessarily be given by the 
 general character of her establishment, and 
 the tone of feeling by which her domestic and 
 social affairs are regulated. Besides which, 
 her young friends will naturally look to her 
 to see what plans she wishes to adopt, and 
 what principles it is her object to carry out, 
 and their conduct will be regulated accord- 
 ingly ; for whatever the degree of familiarity 
 may be which exists between them, the rules 
 which she has adopted for the government 
 of her household, they will feel it an obliga- 
 tion strictly to observe. 
 
 The mistress of a house too, will have an 
 influence beyond this, and one which is rare- 
 ly enjoyed through any other medium of 
 communication ; for if she be one who has 
 cultivated and embellished her own mind, 
 storing up for the benefit of others all those 
 means of being agreeable which no woman 
 ought to neglect, she will be the delight of 
 her young friends as a fireside companion, 
 and as such will share in all their moments 
 of unrestrained vivacity, and unlimited free- 
 dom. 
 
 The authority of teachers, and unfortu- 
 nately sometimes that of parents too, extends 
 only to those hours of discipline which are 
 spent immediately under their care. Could 
 any system of scholastic instruction be made 
 to regulate without spoiling the sports of chil- 
 dren, or could any means of influence be 
 made to operate upon their play, what an 
 amount of additional good might be effected 
 in the formation of individual character ! For 
 how often is it found that the child who is 
 taught, questioned, and examined by his mas- 
 ters, who answers freely and fluently on the 
 points referred to, and who is ready and prompt 
 as if his whole mind was there, is in reality but 
 an actor performing his part in that august 
 presence, from which, the moment he is dis- 
 missed, his real character bursts forth in the 
 play-ground, to be developed in an entire be- 
 ing as opposite to that which stood before the 
 desk, as if they held no relation to each other ! 
 How often too, do we find that persons who 
 appear staid and demure on serious occasions, 
 are most objectionable companions in their
 
 106 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 mirth ; while, on the other hand, those whose 
 mirth is innocent and pure, and guiltles sof 
 all taint from selfish or malignant feeling, 
 may safely be trusted when they are in earn- 
 est 
 
 But the mistress of a family in the midst of 
 her young friends enjoys the high privilege of 
 giving a right tone to their enjoyments, and 
 chastening the spirit of their mirth. That is, 
 if she has so cultivated her own understand- 
 ing as to know what belongs to nature, and 
 to be able to adapt herself to it ; for without 
 this power, she must ever be a stranger to the 
 inner and more potent workings of the human 
 heart But if she has studied those accom- 
 plishments which are particularly attractive 
 to youth, and those more important qualifi- 
 cations of mind and intellect which give su- 
 periority as well as interest wherever they are 
 found, she will be able to render the moments 
 spent beneath her roof the most privileged 
 perhaps of a whole lifetime moments in 
 which good impressions were rendered in- 
 delible as being accompanied by the most de- 
 lightful associations moments retained with- 
 in the richest treasury of memory, to be made 
 the pattern of the choicest intercourse, and 
 the highest intellectual communion through 
 other chains of association, extending on- 
 wards from family to family, and from heart 
 to heart, into a never-ending future. 
 
 We see here the consequences which I 
 have perhaps sufficiently dwelt upon, of hav- 
 ing cultivated the art of being agreeable, not 
 to shine in general society, as is too frequent- 
 ly the case ; not to establish any personal 
 claim to admiration, merely to render striking 
 and brilliant the intellectual companionship of 
 a single hour, but to make the fireside circle 
 a centre of attraction to which the young may 
 love to resort ; to render home the chosen 
 spot of earth, where all who are admitted 
 within its social fellowship may delight to 
 dwell, where hopes and joys may be shar- 
 ed together, and where all the thoughts most 
 cherished and enjoyed, are such as tend to- 
 wards a happier and holier state of exist- 
 ence. 
 
 Without having studied the cultivation of 
 
 the mind, or the embellishment of the char- 
 acter in general, how can the mistress of a 
 family throw around the scenes of home- 
 enjoyments this intellectual and spiritual 
 charm] How can she keep away the cloud 
 of dulness, the monotony of common-place, 
 the shadow of discontent of which young 
 persons so often complain when visiting their 
 married friends 1 and how, when her inter- 
 course with them is marked by no lively or 
 impressive character, can she expect that 
 her influence over them will extend to what 
 is lasting or good 1 It is impossible ; because 
 it is not in the nature of the human heart to 
 be thus influenced, without being thus im- 
 pressed. 
 
 To the married woman, then, it is a serious 
 thing to have lost by indolence or neglect, 
 those golden opportunities of being useful to 
 society, which her position naturally places 
 within her reach. For it is not so much our 
 private precepts which have weight, and per- 
 haps still less our public ones, so much as the 
 influence of individual character upon a sur- 
 rounding circle, and through that circle upon 
 the world at large. 
 
 The English wife should, therefore, regard 
 her position as a central one, and remember 
 that from her, as the head of a family, and the 
 mistress of a household, branch off in every 
 direction trains of thought, and tones of feel- 
 ing, operating upon those more immediately 
 around her, but by no means ceasing there ; 
 for each of her domestics, each of her rela- 
 tives, and each of her familiar friends, will in 
 their turn become the centre of another circle, 
 from which will radiate good or evil influ- 
 ence, extending onwards, in the same man- 
 ner, to the end of all things to the disrup- 
 tion of all earthly ties, and the union of the 
 great family of heaven, where sweet and 
 harmonious notes of her own teaching may 
 possibly be numbered with the songs of the 
 blessed forever and forever. 
 
 Is it then a subject merely to be glanced 
 over with a careless wish that we could be 
 useful to our fellow-creatures 1 that we 
 could leave on the minds of those who will 
 remember us when we are dead, some last-
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 109 
 
 ing impress worthy of their high destiny and 
 ours 1 All may do this. Of that we are 
 convinced. But are we equally or suffi- 
 ciently convinced that some impress will, 
 and must be left, whether we have desired it 
 or not 1 And what if it should be such as to 
 mark them out for wrath in the great day of 
 wrath ! And if that too should have spread, 
 as the other might have done, on on from 
 one circle and one generation to another 
 from one family, one community, one people, 
 one country, widening on every hand until 
 the world itself should suffer from the uni- 
 versal taint ! 
 
 The carrying out of such a thought to its 
 full extent is too tremendous, and yet we 
 know of no natural limits by which influence 
 either good or evil can be confined or ar- 
 rested in its progress towards eternity. We 
 can only ask with penitence and prayer that 
 what we have hitherto exercised amiss may 
 be overruled for good, and that what we have 
 yet to exercise, may be directed by Him who 
 alone can give the power to use it for his 
 glory. 
 
 There are many cases of practical duty, in 
 w'.iich it seems as if the language of Scripture 
 had, by general consent, been explained away 
 as referring to times and circumstances in 
 which we have no part. In none is this 
 more striking than as regards hospitality, 
 few of us considering ourselves at all the 
 more required from any thing we meet with 
 there, when we prepare a feast, to call in the 
 poor or the friendless to partake. Without 
 pretending to be wiser than others, by apply- 
 ing these and similar injunctions more liter- 
 ally than they appear to be generally under- 
 stood, it seems to me a question of deep im- 
 portance to a serious mind, whether we are 
 not many of us required to go much further 
 than we do in extending our hospitality to 
 those who, according to the usages of the 
 world, may appear to have but little claim 
 upon such attentions. 
 
 There is an extensive class of persons, 
 who, if we would do to them as we would 
 that others should do to us under similar cir- 
 cumstances, instead of being objects of gene- 
 
 ral neglect, would become objects of our 
 especial kindness in this respect. I mean 
 those who are separated from their own 
 home-connections by becoming assistants in 
 business, or otherwise attached to families in 
 which they are comparatively strangers. 
 
 It cannot be denied that a system of hospi- 
 tality thus carried out towards persons so 
 circumstanced, or according to the Scripture 
 rule of inviting those who cannot ask us in 
 return, would require the exercise of consid- 
 erable self-denial as well as benevolence ; 
 and more especially so with those whose 
 homes are the centre and the source of the 
 greatest happiness they enjoy ; for it is per- 
 haps the only disadvantage accompanying 
 an excess of this home-feeling, that the more 
 perfect is the satisfaction with which we 
 gather into the domestic circle, the less wil- 
 lingness we feel that a stranger should " in- 
 termeddle with its joys." 
 
 Thus we sometimes find a sort of house- 
 hold exclusiveness, and a too great concen- 
 tration of domestic satisfaction, prevailing al- 
 most to the extent of selfishness, where such 
 feelings are indulged without the restraint of 
 judgment or of principle. To persons in- 
 fected with this home-mania, their own 
 houses, their own grounds, their own habits, 
 and their own modes of thinking and living 
 are always the very best imaginable, and 
 such as bear no comparison with those of 
 any other family. So much is this the case, 
 that they seem almost to be a law unto them- 
 sehes ; while above every thing they reject 
 the idea of being improved by adopting the 
 views and the practices of others. It is needless 
 to say that such persons have little weight to 
 throw into the scale of social influence either 
 on the side of good or evil, for the absurdi- 
 ties they exhibit to the world effectually pre- 
 vent their doing any considerable amount of 
 harm beyond what is negative. 
 
 But there are degrees of this evil against 
 which we may not all be sufficiently on our 
 guard, because we may be mistaking it for 
 good; yet when it stands in the way of our 
 practising the duty of hospitality, we should 
 i ask ourselves seriously whether that home
 
 110 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 which ought to be the scene of our greatest 
 earthly happiness is not in reality the temple 
 of our worship. A higher cultivation of the 
 feeling of kindness and benevolence towards 
 others, a deeper sympathy for their trials and 
 sufferings, a more earnest solicitude for their 
 welfare, and a greater desire to impart the 
 blessings we enjoy, would, I am persuaded, 
 tend very much to reconcile us to any tem- 
 porary interruption of our domestic enjoy- 
 ments which might be occasioned by the 
 presence of a stranger, even should his habits 
 and modes of thinking be the most dissimilar 
 to our own. And if any thing could be done 
 by this means to improve the minds and mor- 
 als of that important class of society who 
 will constitute the next generation of men of 
 business men who will give the weight of 
 extensive influence either to the side of good, 
 or evil, that strong feeling of household ex- 
 clusiveness, which is but a refined and ex- 
 tended selfishness, ought certainly in some 
 measure to give way. 
 
 We complain of the habits of young men, 
 and with some cause, yet when we recollect 
 of what materials human nature is composed, 
 and compare these with the situation of 
 young men generally ; but more especially 
 when we think of the thousand inviting 
 avenues to sin which are opened to their 
 choice, the cordiality with which they are 
 met by evil associates, and invited to every 
 rendezvous of vice ; and when we compare 
 this with the very little cordiality they meet 
 with on the opposite side ; the scanty wel- 
 comes, the cold notice, and the treatment 
 equally distant and disrespectful, we surely 
 must expect them to be more than human 
 wholly to withstand the one, and to bind them- 
 selves over with lasting and warm attach- 
 ment to the other. 
 
 Young men, too, are often diffident of their 
 own attractions in polished society, and some- 
 times not without considerable reason, more 
 especially when they find themselves treated 
 in respectable company with every demon- 
 stration of contempt Here, then, we must 
 also remember that vice is not delicate in her 
 distinctions. In her wide halls of revelry, 
 
 the ignorant, the mean, and the unlettered 
 find a welcome. She slights them not for 
 want of. polished manners. She heeds nei- 
 ther personal inferiority, nor unfashionable 
 attire. All all are welcome, from the raw 
 stripling, to the friendless stranger, who finds 
 not in the wide world another or a safer home. 
 
 In contemplating this view of the subject, 
 I have often thought, what an amount of 
 good might be effected, if a little more attrac- 
 tion were held out by Christians in general, 
 towards persons of this class. We ought 
 seriously to question, too, whether we are 
 really doing them justice whether we are 
 not resting too well satisfied in merely urging 
 upon them the necessity of attention to pub- 
 lic worship, when a few more welcomes into 
 Christian families might possibly do more for 
 their real good, than many sermons without 
 participation in the real comforts of any re- 
 spectable home. 
 
 Nor is it the mere invitation of such per- 
 sons at stated times, which can effect the 
 good so much required, the mere bestowment 
 of a dinner, or the mere permission to come 
 on Sundays and be present during the hours 
 of family devotion. Good as this unquestion- 
 ably is, there is something else required; 
 and this something should be supplied by the 
 mistress of the house ; for, I repeat, that to 
 woman all the common usages of kindness 
 are so easy and familiar, as to leave her little 
 excuse for neglecting the claims of hospital- 
 ity, which constitute so essential a part of 
 social duty. There is much kind feeling 
 conveyed even by so slight an act as a cor- 
 dial shake of the hand, but especially by those 
 apparently slight observations upon personal 
 affairs, which evince an interest in the situa- 
 tion and circumstances of a guest, and which 
 often lead to a freedom of communication 
 which, as a means of influence, may be turned 
 to the happiest account 
 
 In all associations in which the feelings and 
 affections are concerned, it must never be 
 forgotten, that the manner in which an act of 
 benevolence is done, is often of far greater 
 importance than the act itself That it is 
 possible to be kind in an unkind manner ; to
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 Ill 
 
 give a great deal away, and yet be most un- 
 generous. This truth we have many of us, 
 at some time or other of our lives, had to feel 
 perhaps too keenly for our peace. Yet it is 
 possible the thought of what such kindness 
 cost us, may prove a wholesome one in its 
 effect upon our own conduct towards others, 
 by teaching us how to soothe, where through 
 ignorance we might have wounded ; how to 
 attract, where we might have repelled ; and 
 consequently how * to do good, where we 
 might inadvertently have done evil. 
 
 But it is useless to think of the manner, 
 until we have seen the act itself to be a duty ; 
 and I would here appeal to the wives of 
 England, as they value the good of their 
 country, and the good of their sons and 
 brothers as they value youth in gene- 
 ral, and regard it as the season for remem- 
 bering our Creator, and the Giver of all our 
 blessings as they would cherish its buoyant 
 hopes, strengthen its high capabilities, and 
 lay an imperishable foundation of good, 
 where evil must otherwise enter and occupy 
 the vacant rodm as they value all these 
 considerations, I would urge them not to 
 confine their social kindness merely to those 
 who can requite them after their own man- 
 ner ; but to extend it to those who, though 
 comparatively strangers, share in the affec- 
 tions and the feelings of a common nature, 
 and who are now undergoing the formation 
 of their characters for time and for eternity. 
 
 " Not following lower things," was a no- 
 ble motto adopted by a noble queen,* when 
 she chose as emblematical of the course she 
 intended to pursue, a marigold turning to 
 the sun. Although nothing could be more at 
 variance with the duties of a wife, and 
 especially one of that class of society to 
 which this work more especially applies, than 
 to be aspiring after any selfish or personal 
 aggrandizement as regards mere sublunary 
 things ; there is an ambition, if I may call it 
 such, which ought to fill the heart, and rouse 
 the energies of every Christian woman who 
 stands at the head of a household, whatever 
 
 * .Marguarite of Valois, sister of Francis I., and 
 Queen of Navarre. 
 
 her position may be with regard to outward 
 circumstances. I refer to that aspiration 'af- 
 ter higher and holier things, which lifts the 
 soul out of its grovelling anxieties and world- 
 ly cares, and directs its hopes unchangeably 
 towards the world which is eternal. 
 
 It is not consistent with the aim of the 
 writer in such a work as this, to enter fully 
 upon tli subject of that change of heart 
 which alone can qualify for forming any just 
 or proper estimate of what belongs to a prep- 
 aration for the heavenly state. Had such 
 been my intention, I would not have left the 
 consideration of so momentous and sublime 
 a theme, to the last few pages of this work. 
 But leaving this subject, in its vastness and 
 its depth its absorbing interests, and its 
 solemn truths, to writers of a higher and a 
 weightier character, I would still indulge a 
 hope that what has here been said may in 
 some degree assist towards a more full and 
 satisfactory exemplification of the Christian 
 character. For even where religion is felt 
 and owned to be the one thing needful, and 
 where it is adopted as the principle and the 
 rule of life, those familiar avocations which 
 occupy the attention of every day are not 
 always conducted in the spirit which ought 
 to regulate the Christian's life. Some good 
 persons err on these points from ignorance* 
 some from want of thought, and many from 
 not regarding them as essential to religion ; 
 and thus the standard of excellence is low- 
 ered, and we come to be "satisfied with infe- 
 rior things." 
 
 It would as ill become me, as it would be 
 contrary to my feelings, to speak in an un- 
 kind or censorious spirit of those, who with 
 good intentions, and while making great en- 
 deavors, fall short in little things ; but I am 
 convinced that along with this deficiency, 
 there is, to a certain extent, a tendency to 
 aim at what is low, sufficient of itself to pre- 
 vent the attainment of what is great. The 
 more circumscribed our influence, the less 
 this tendency is seen and felt ; but when we 
 take the direction of a household, and con- 
 sequently have much to do with the forma- 
 tion of the characters around us, this tenden-
 
 112 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 cy to grovel tells to an amazing and incalcu- 
 lable extent 
 
 It is far from my wish to write on this sub- 
 ject as one who has neither knowledge nor 
 feeling of what wives in general have to 
 struggle with, in the way of depressing or 
 degrading circumstances. I know that the 
 occupations of a household, by reminding us 
 perpetually of what is material, have a strong 
 tendency to occupy the mind with that alone. 
 I know that under wasted health, or weari- 
 ness, or disappointment, to be urged to strug- 
 gle after what is high, sounds like a mockery 
 to the human heart And I know too that 
 there are trials in the lot of woman, almost 
 sufficient of themselves to quench the, very 
 life within her soul, and to extinguish there 
 the power to hope for any thing before the 
 grave. I know that the spirit may be har- 
 assed wounded broken ; but I am yet to 
 learn, that under any circumstances we are 
 justified in giving all things up. 
 
 I should rather reason thus that having 
 striven after excellence in every department, 
 we have so multiplied our resources, that 
 something always must be left; so that if 
 nothing in the shape of positive happiness 
 could ever reach us more, we should still 
 be capable of adding to the happiness of 
 others. 
 
 But the most powerful and widely prevail- 
 ing cause of that moral and intellectual 
 degradation that downward tendency of 
 the mind, and that grovelling of the spirit 
 among material things, which is so much to 
 be lamented over in the wives of the present 
 day, arises clearly and unquestionably out of 
 the false estimate so universally formed of 
 what is most to be desired nay, of what is 
 absolutely essential to existence. It is this 
 vain and fruitless ambition with regard to 
 worldly thing?, in which we are all more or 
 less engaged, that wears down our energies, 
 and wearies out our hopes. It is the disap- 
 pointment, the perplexity, the harass of this 
 long struggle, which' leaves us so spiritless 
 and worn. It is the emptiness of our suc- 
 cess when the highest worldly wish has been 
 attained, which makes us, in the midst of 
 
 all our coveted possessions, so miserably 
 poor. 
 
 It is difficult to speak strongly on these 
 subjects, yet with that kindness and respect 
 which I feel that my countrywomen deserve, 
 and deserve especially from me. But when 
 I assert again that it is not intention which is 
 in fault, so much as a certain set of mistaken 
 views which more or less affect us all, I 
 would fondly hope I might obtain their for- 
 giveness for being more than commonly earn- 
 est in so important a cause. In this hope I 
 appeal to their own hearts, whether the daily 
 conflict they are many of them enduring is 
 not in reality after that which " perisheth in 
 the using ;" whether it ever brings them a 
 reward at all commensurate with what it 
 costs ; and whether it is not in itself a weari- 
 ness to the very soul. I appeal to society at 
 large, whether the importance we many of 
 us attach to appearing well before the world, 
 in other words, to dressing and living in a 
 certain style, has not irritated more tempers, 
 destroyed more peace, occasioned more dis- 
 putes, broken more spirits, crossed more love, 
 hindered more improvement, and caused 
 more spiritual declension, than any other 
 single cause which could be named. And 
 what has it done to throw into the opposite 
 scale 1 Encouraged one kind of manufactory 
 to the disadvantage of another, changed our 
 fashions, excited our vanity, furnished our 
 houses, decked our persons and what then 1 
 Sent us forth into society envied and envying 
 one another, and disseminating wherever we 
 might go, low thoughts, disparaging allusions, 
 and uncharitable feelings, all arising out of the 
 very rivalry and competition of which this 
 fruitless ambition was the source. 
 
 Let us look at one channel only among the 
 many thousands through which it operates to 
 the destruction of human happiness, and the 
 disunion of natural ties. It is no poet's fable, 
 and I speak it reverently, believing what I 
 speak, when I say, that the love which grows 
 up between two young people who expect to 
 spend their lives together, is of every earthly 
 feeling that which most endears to us all 
 which is most excellent in itself most beauti-
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 113 
 
 ful in the creation, and most beneficent in the 
 dispensations of an all-wise and eternal God. 
 Who then would quench this feeling, or 
 lower its exercise, or make it a mere slave 
 to wait upon the customs of the world 1 The 
 voice of humanity exclaims against so base, 
 so foolish a perversion of our nature. Youth 
 exclaims against it, as well it may. Society 
 the world exclaims. The world ] No, 
 that can never be. It is the world whose 
 unrelenting voice demands this sacrifice 
 the world before whose artificial glare the 
 star of love must hide its purer ray. 
 
 It is because the world is the great altar 
 upon which the hearts of multitudes are laid, 
 that the shrine of domestic happiness so often 
 is profaned by broken vows vows broken in 
 the spirit, and therefore the mere symbols of 
 a love, without its sweetness or its life. It is 
 because the spirit of the world demands that 
 we should love and serve the mammon of 
 unrighteousness, that hearts are bought and 
 sold, and youth is wedded to old age, and 
 every mockery of feeling which imagination 
 can conceive, is perpetrated under the grave 
 name of prudence. I have myself advocated 
 prudence, and I have urged the necessity of 
 waiting for what are popularly considered as 
 sufficient means. Yet this has been chiefly 
 in conformity with the universal system we 
 acknowledge, of " regarding lower things." 
 I did not, and I never shall, believe the sys- 
 tem is a right one in itself; but until our 
 views are more enlightened, and our princi- 
 ples are strong enough to support us in the 
 effort, it would be worse than folly to advise 
 that individuals here and there should 
 overstep the bounds of prudence as they 
 are now laid down, not knowing what 
 they did. 
 
 The new order of things which I would 
 advocate must be a general one, brought 
 about by simultaneous views, and feelings, 
 and determinations. There will then be no 
 world to fear, for we shall constitute ourselves 
 a world, in which lower things will no longer 
 be regarded, except as such a world in 
 which the warmest feelings of the heart will 
 no longer be considered as bearing any com- 
 
 parison, in value, with the cold formalities of 
 artificial life a world in which what we 
 wear, and what we use, shall no longer be 
 esteemed as more important than what we 
 do a world in which people shall be judged 
 of by what they are, and not by what they 
 possess a world in which what is costly and 
 brilliant in ornament, shall give place to that 
 which is excellent in character, and sterling 
 in value. 
 
 And when shall this bright epoch arrive ? 
 this dawning of better hopes this day of 
 promise for our country, and our homes ] It 
 will arrive when the wives of England shall 
 hold themselves above their circumstances ; 
 and, estimating that most highly which is 
 really high, shall understand how principle is 
 the basis of all good ; and having subjected 
 these principles to the word of God, and tried 
 them by the only test which is safe and true, 
 they may then adorn the superstructure by 
 all which the purest taste and the most 
 chastened feeling can suggest 
 
 In adopting the motto of one of the most 
 amiable and accomplished of female sover- 
 eigns, we must not forget that hers was the 
 pursuit of excellence of almost every kind ; 
 in her studies, her attainments, and in all 
 those graces of mind and person which adorn 
 a court. Nor do I see why the raising of our 
 highest admiration to that which is highest 
 in itself, should in any respect interfere with 
 our desire after excellence in general. 
 
 It is a melancholy thought, when marriage 
 has united the destiny of two human beings 
 for this life at least, that one of them should 
 grow indifferent to those qualities of mind 
 and person which formed the chief attraction 
 to the other. It is a melancholy thought, that 
 when a wife has taken upon herself the du- 
 ties which belong to the mistress of a family, 
 she should be willing to lose those charms 
 which constitute the loveliness of woman. It 
 is a melancholy thought, that because she has 
 become a useful, she must cease to be an in- 
 tellectual, being. But it cannot it must not 
 be. The very thought is one of treason 
 against the love and the happiness of mar- 
 ried life ; for what is there among all the em- 
 
 8
 
 114 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 bellishments of female character, which this 
 love cannot legitimately appropriate, and this 
 happiness enhance and improve ! 
 
 In no other situation in life can woman find 
 so appropriate a sphere for the exercise of 
 every grace, and the display of every charm, 
 as in the centre of her home-enjoyments ; yet 
 here, how often do we find that she permits 
 all the poetry of her mind to be extinguished, 
 and after that the beautiful too often fades 
 away. Life may remain the same to her in 
 all its tangible realities ; but as the sunshine 
 passes from the landscape, so the light which 
 gives freshness and vividness to every object, 
 is gone forever. 
 
 It is said she has actual and pressing cares, 
 which absorb her attention, to the exclusion 
 of other, and especially of higher, thoughts. 
 But here again is her mistake. It is not in 
 woman's nature to be degraded or brought 
 down by care, provided only the objects of 
 her solicitude are worthy in themselves, or 
 such as call forth feelings worthy of being 
 indulged. The care the love the brooding 
 tenderness of a fond mother or a faithful 
 w ife when, I would ask, was woman found 
 the worse for these ] No. It is the element 
 hi which she lives, to care for those she loves. 
 It is in this clement that all her virtues rise 
 and shine ; while her whole character as- 
 sumes a higher and more spiritual excel- 
 lence. We talk of altered circumstances, and 
 personal privations, but we libel the true heart 
 of woman when we think it cannot stand the 
 shock of such extremes as these. No, these 
 are not the foes she fears ; and it is an insult 
 to her understanding, when society persuades 
 her that she does fear them. Within her 
 heart of hearts she has a nobler conviction, 
 that her husband's happiness, and her own 
 integrity and truth, are more to her than all 
 the riches in the world. Why then, with 
 these convictions, and with that strong capa- 
 bility which constitutes her dower, of rising 
 above the tide of circumstance, and living 
 apart from worldly things in the higher work 
 of her affections why will woman stoop to 
 be the slave of habit, of custom, and most of 
 all, of fashion, until her vanity and self-indul 
 
 jence become the bane of man's existence, 
 and her own 1 
 
 And is it well that men, whose daily avo- 
 cations necessarily call into service, as one 
 of their great principles of action, a worldly 
 and a selfish spirit is it right that they should 
 ae urged, nay, goaded on, in the perpetual 
 race of personal and family aggrandizement, 
 by those who profess to love them, and who, 
 consequently, ought to seek their ultimate and 
 real good 7 May we not rather leave to them 
 the whole adjustment of these worldly mat- 
 ters ? It is their business,- and their duty, to 
 find a place among their fellow-men, to es- 
 tablish a footing in society, and to maintain it 
 by all just and honorable means. This is no 
 care of woman's. Her appropriate part is to 
 adorn that station wherever it may be, by a 
 contented mind, an enlightened intellect, a 
 chastened spirit, and an exemplary life. 
 
 I have dwelt much upon the influence of 
 woman in social and domestic life, and in her 
 married state she will find that influence ex- 
 tending almost on every hand. What, then, 
 will be her situation, without the aid of per- 
 sonal religion, to give a right direction to its 
 operations upon other minds 7 But what 
 will be her situation altogether without this 
 aid? 
 
 The thought is too appalling. 
 " A boat sent out to sail alone 
 At midnight on the moonless sea," 
 
 might bear some comparison to the situation 
 of a solitary being trusting herself upon the 
 world's great ocean without this guide ; but 
 a richly-freighted Vessel, crowded with hu- 
 man beings, and bearing in its bosom the in- 
 terests of as many souls, yet venturing out to 
 sea without a pilot, without a compass, with- 
 out any hope or means of safety, might with 
 more justice be compared to the woman who 
 should dare to engage in the deep responsi- 
 bilities of married life, without religion to di- 
 rect her course. Whatever difficulties ma\ 
 be thus encountered, she cannot meet them 
 alone. Whatever dangers, others are drawn 
 in to share them with her. Whatever storms 
 she braves them only at the peril of the pre- 
 cious lives committed to her trust Whatever
 
 SOCIAL INFLUENCE. 
 
 115 
 
 rock she strikes upon, it wrecks not her alone, 
 but all all the rich treasury of hopes and in- 
 terests which she bore along with her in that 
 presumptuous course, and for all these she is 
 accountable. I repeat, the thought is too ap- 
 palling. Let us turn to scenes of more famil- 
 iar occurrence, where there is more satisfac- 
 tion, because there is more hope. 
 
 There is a large class of persons, who with- 
 out having given up their hearts entirely to 
 the influence of personal religion, are wishing 
 that they could do so, and intending some 
 time or other that they will. On all solemn 
 occasions they feel as if they actually would ; 
 and never more so perhaps than when they 
 enter upon the duties of married life. To 
 woman this is so great and important a 
 change, that it naturally produces, if any 
 thing can, trains of reflection highly favorable 
 to an altered and improved state of mind 
 altogether ; and if she has ever seriously 
 thought of religion, she does so then. Those 
 who rest satisfied with good intentions, and 
 especially in religious matters, are glad of any 
 alteration in their circumstances which they 
 think will make it easier to begin ; and they 
 hail the opening of a new life, as the entrance 
 upon one which will be more exemplary 
 than the past Thus it is often with perfect 
 sincerity, that the young religious professor 
 believes she will set out upon a new career 
 when engaging in the duties of a wife. Her 
 feelings are much softened, too, by separation 
 from her former friends ; she fears the diffi- 
 culties of her untried path ; and thus is alto- 
 gether more disposed than ever in her life 
 before to do, and to be, what she sees clearly 
 to be right If, under these circumstances, 
 she has married a good man, her first temp- 
 tation will be to think, for that reason, that 
 she must be good herself; if a man who has 
 little or no religion, her first trial will be to 
 find that instead of being helped, as she had 
 expected, so smoothly on her way, she has, 
 in addition to her own difficulties, to help 
 him and all his household. 
 
 But a more familiar temptation, and a more 
 frequent trial than either of these, is one 
 which steals by its insidious nature into the 
 
 very heart of domestic life; and it works 
 the more deceitfully by mixing itself up with 
 all that is most reputable and most approved 
 in society in general, and not less than others, 
 in the society of the good. 
 
 Persons of this description, in all probabili- 
 ty, seek the acquaintance of the well-mean- 
 ing young wife, or she seeks theirs ; and be- 
 ing a sincere and somewhat hopeful charac- 
 ter, not having much foundation of her own, 
 but easily led on by others, she is induced by 
 their companionship to take a higher stand- 
 ing in religious matters than she ever did be- 
 fore. Encouraged by their kindness, she ad- 
 vances step by step, progressing outwardly, 
 and gaining confidence as she goes on. All 
 this perhaps might be well, for she is still 
 sincere so far as her self-knowledge extends ; 
 but here again the spirit of the world creeps 
 in. Indeed the question is, whether she has 
 not all the while been actuated by the spirit 
 of the world, for it is now so reputable to be 
 religious, that temptation can assume this 
 form as well as any other. 
 
 With this advance in an outward, and, 
 perhaps, too visible profession, the cares of 
 the young wife increase. The circle of her 
 acquaintance widens. Visits und morning- 
 calls are not to be neglected ; and well if they 
 are not devoted to that most objectionable of 
 all kinds of gossip, which chooses the minis- 
 ter and the observances of a religious life, for 
 its theme. But in addition to this, the young 
 wife listens to the popular and common talk 
 about low worldly things. She learns to think 
 much of her furniture, much of her dress, 
 and much of the manner in which she enter- 
 tains her friends. Nay, she is even glad to 
 see that all this competition does not appear 
 to be discarded from the fashionable world. 
 As time passes on, she becomes more and 
 more absorbed by the growing cares and 
 thickening perplexities of every day; until 
 at last it might become a matter of doubt to 
 those around her, which in reality occupied 
 her thoughts the most, the preparation for a 
 party, or the preparation for eternity. 
 
 Need we wonder that such a woman has 
 little religious influence? That she fails to 
 
 V
 
 116 
 
 THE WIVES OF ENGLAND. 
 
 adorn the doctrine of our Saviour, or to com- 
 mend the faith which she professes? Need 
 we wonder that her husband, her servants, 
 society at large, are not made better by her 
 conversation and her example ? Yet strange 
 to say, it is sometimes wondered at that the 
 religious conversation of such persons does 
 not do good, and they themselves, when they 
 have leisure for it, will labor diligently for the 
 conversion of the poor. But they forget that 
 those around them, and especially the poor, 
 are quick-sighted to their inconsistencies, and 
 that they know by other evidence than words, 
 when the world is really in the heart 
 
 By this slight picture, far be it from me to 
 convey an idea that I could represent the 
 really changed in heart ; for I know that theirs 
 is a foundation which none of these things 
 move. I speak of those who have been only 
 almost persuaded, and who, on the solemn 
 occasion of their marriage, have set out in 
 life with serious views and good intentions ; 
 yet whatever may be the clearness of these 
 views, or the strength of these intentions, I 
 believe that a great number of hopeful begin- 
 nings have been frustrated by this single root 
 of evil, this spirit of the world. I believe also, 
 that more spiritual declension among women 
 
 may be traced to the same cause, than to all 
 the vice and all the infidelity to be met with 
 among the openly profane. 
 
 It is then against this single enemy, above 
 all others, that married women have to sus- 
 tain each other in waging constant and de- 
 termined war. I repeat, it is hard, too hard, 
 for any single individual to struggle against 
 the tide of popular feeling, more especially 
 when religion numbers in her ranks so many 
 who divide her claims with those of the world. 
 But if the happiness of home be precious, we 
 have that at stake. If our intellectual and 
 moral good be worth preserving, we have 
 that to cherish. If our religious influence be 
 the most important treasure committed to 
 our trust, we have that to hold secure. All 
 to which the best feelings of the heart attach 
 themselves as lovely and enduring is ours, 
 if we maintain this conflict as we ought ; and 
 sink under it we never need, for we know to 
 whom to go for help. 
 
 Let us then remember that a worldly 
 spirit is the very opposite of that which finds 
 its home in Heaven ; and if our interests are 
 sufficiently engaged in what is spiritual and 
 eternal, we shall not easily be turned away 
 to fix them upon " lower things."
 
 THE 
 
 MOTHERS OF ENGLAND: 
 
 THKIR 
 
 INFLUENCE AND RESPONSIBILITY. 
 
 BY MRS, ELLlfe 
 
 AUTHOR OF "THE WOMEN OP ENGLAND," ''SONS OF THE SOIL," "HINTS TO MAKE HOME 
 HAPPY," AND "THE WIVES OF ENGLAND." 
 
 UNIFORM EDITION, 
 
 COMPLETE IN ONE VOLUME. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 HENRY G. LANGLEY, 8 ASTOR HOUSE. 
 
 1844.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 IN offering to the public the last of a 
 series of works on the subject of female 
 duty, I feel that to confess their defi- 
 ciencies, would not be to supply them ; 
 and, therefore, I would prefer soliciting 
 the attention of the reader to this fact 
 that they have not been written under the 
 idea of presenting an entire summary of 
 the life and character of woman, in the 
 situations of daughter, wife, and mother, 
 nor consequently under that of offering a 
 substitute for any of those standard and 
 excellent works on the same subject which 
 adorn our libraries, but rather with the 
 hope of throwing out a few hints and 
 observations relative to the present state 
 of English society, the tendency of mod- 
 ern education, and the peculiar social 
 and domestic requirements of the country 
 and the times in which we live. 
 
 Thus I have purposely avoided entering 
 upon many important points of duty, and 
 particularly those of a strictly religious 
 nature, because I knew that the reader 
 could find them more clearly and more 
 ably treated elsewhere ; and because I 
 felt it to be more within the compass of 
 my own qualifications, to endeavor to 
 assist and encourage the inexperienced, 
 but well meaning, than to instruct the 
 ignorant, or to convert the irreligious. 
 
 Looking seriously at those faults which 
 are generally allowed, and at those follies 
 which are sometimes by society, I have 
 been compelled occasionally to speak in 
 
 strong language of certain peculiarities in 
 the present aspect of social and domestic 
 life, and especially of some of the habits 
 and prejudices of my own sex. Had such 
 peculiarities been less popular, or less 
 generally indulged; had they, in short, 
 been regarded as objectionable, rather 
 than otherwise, there would have been no 
 need for me to have made any of them the 
 subject of a book ; but the very fact of 
 the opinion of society, and of many ex- 
 cellent persons, being in fa.vor of that 
 which is really opposed to the true inter- 
 ests of mankind, render it the more neces- 
 sary for those who think differently, to 
 speak what they believe to be the truth, 
 and speak it without palliation or re- 
 serve. 
 
 If, in the performance of this somewhat 
 stern duty, I may at times have appeared 
 unjust or unsisterly to the class of readers 
 whose attention I have been anxious to 
 engage, they will surely have been able 
 to perceive that it was from no want of 
 sympathy with the weakness, the trials, 
 and the temptations to which woman is 
 peculiarly liable, but rather, since we 
 can least bear a fault in that which we 
 most admire, from an extreme solicitude 
 that woman should fill, with advantage to 
 others and enjoyment to herself, that high 
 place in the creation for which I believe 
 her character to have been designed. 
 
 It was originally my intention to have 
 added to the present work, a chapter of
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 hints for step-mothers, and another on the 
 consolations of old maids, which I am far 
 from believing to be few ; but the sub- 
 ject more immediately under consideration 
 grew, from its importance,, to the usual 
 extent of a book, almost before I was 
 aware of it ; and it grew also upon my 
 own mind, as the duties and responsibili- 
 
 ties of a mother were gradually unfolded, 
 to an aspect of such solemn, profound, and 
 unanswerable interest, that I feel the more 
 forcibly how inadequate are my feeble 
 representations to do justice to the claims 
 of society upon the self-devoted, consci- 
 entious, and persevering exertions of the 
 Mothers of England.
 
 THE 
 
 MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 A MOTHER'S FIRST THOUGHTS. 
 
 To attempt a description of the feelings of 
 a mother on that important event which ush- 
 ers into the world an immortal being, des- 
 tined to be her peculiar charge, in its prepa- 
 ration both for this world and the next, would 
 be to lift the natural veil, beyond which are 
 shrouded those inner workings of the ele- 
 ments of happiness and misery, with which 
 it may be truly said, that a stranger inter- 
 meddleth not. Still there are there must be 
 thoughts common to all mothers who reflect 
 seriously ; and it is with these chiefly, that 
 the writer on maternal influence has to do. 
 
 It is no disparagement to that strongest of 
 all principles in the female sex a mother's 
 love to call it a mere instinct ; for such it 
 must be, when shared in common with the 
 animal creation. Yet surely an instinct of 
 such power as this, cannot be acted upon by 
 a rational and responsible being, without anx- 
 ious inquiry as to the direct nature of that re- 
 sponsibility ; and why, in the ordinations of 
 Divine Providence, an instinct so powerful 
 should have been implanted in the mother's 
 breast. 
 
 A mother's love, then, could never have 
 been intended merely to be trifled with in the 
 nursery, or expended in infantine indulgence. 
 That which is strong enough to overcome the 
 universal impulse of self-preservation that 
 which brings the timid bird to stoop her wing 
 to the destroyer, in order to lure him from her 
 nestlings that which softens into tenderness 
 the nature of the eagle, and the lion that 
 which has power to render the feeblest and 
 most delicate of women, unflinching, heroical, 
 
 and bold can never have been given by the 
 Author of our existence, for any mean or tri- 
 fling purpose. In the animal creation we see 
 that this wonder-working principle answers 
 the end of its creation, simply by instructing 
 the mother how to prepare for her offspring, 
 and by enabling her to protect and provide 
 for them during the limited period of their 
 helplessness, and incapacity for providing for 
 themselves. 
 
 Thus far the human mother proceeds in 
 the same manner ; but as there is an exist- 
 ence beyond this, for which she has to pre- 
 pare, so the love of the human mother, by its 
 continuance to the end of life, is beautifully 
 adapted to those higher responsibilities which 
 devolve upon her as the parent of an immor- 
 tal being, whose lot, it is her privilege to hope, 
 will be cast among the happy, the holy, and 
 the pure, for ever. 
 
 There is then a deep moral connected with 
 the joyful tidings, that a child is born into the 
 world. And "joyful" let us call these tidings, 
 notwithstanding all which a morbid and mis- 
 erable philosophy would teach, about another 
 human creature being sent into this world, 
 to sin and suffer like the rest. Yes, "joyful" 
 let us call it ; for the beneficent Creator him- 
 self has designed that there should be joy, 
 and nature attests that there is joy, connect- 
 ed with this event ; while the fond heart of 
 the mother acknowledges in the smiles of 
 her infant, an "overpayment of delight" for 
 all her solicitudes, her anxieties, and her 
 fears. 
 
 And why should the mother not rejoice ? 
 Has she not become the possessor of a new 
 nature, to whose support she can devote all 
 the vast resources of her self-love, without
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 its selfishness? ' She has now an object pecu- 
 liarly her own, for which to think and to feel ; 
 and, not less for which to suffer. It is with 
 joy then that a new being is ushered into the 
 world, to share its portion among the many, 
 in the mingled lot of human weal and wo ; 
 to enter upon a career in which it is but rea- 
 sonable to indulge the hope of filling an hon- 
 ored- place on the great theatre of life, of 
 contributing its share to the sum of human 
 happiness, and of enjoying in its turn the full 
 exercise of all those faculties of mind and 
 ! body, with which so much happiness is con- 
 nected. 
 
 Why should the mother not rejoice ? Have 
 we so learned the doctrine of our Lord and 
 Saviour, that we cannot trust to him the 
 keeping of our earthly treasure? Surely 
 there is infidelity of the most ungrateful kind, 
 in that spirit which believes, and yet knows 
 not how to trust But there is both hope and 
 trust in the mother's heart at that glad mo- 
 ment when she folds her infant to her bosom ; 
 for though she may herself have failed in 
 judgment and in will ten thousand times, and 
 fallen short in acts of duty almost beyond the 
 hope of pardon, she looks into the guileless 
 countenance of her child, and while the tears 
 of true repentance fall upon its brow, she 
 dedicates its young life, with all its growing 
 energies, to a holier and more faithful service 
 than she, with her weakness and wayward- 
 ness, has been able to pursue. 
 
 Granting then that there is joy in the event 
 of a child being ushered into life, and that 
 such joy is founded chiefly upon a kind of 
 indefinite hope, which fills the mother's 
 breast; granting, also, as one of our first 
 poets has beautifully said, that 
 
 " The food of Hope 
 
 Is meditated action," 
 
 the most natural inquiry nay, that which 
 must necessarily follow in the mind of a ra- 
 tional woman, is For what shall I prepare 
 my child ? 
 
 Pending the solution of this most impor- 
 tant question, it is more than probable that 
 the mother's thoughts will go back to her 
 
 own childhood. By the many retrospective 
 glances she has at different times thrown 
 back upon the course of her own life, she 
 will no doubt have been able to perceive 
 many defects in the management and train- 
 ing by which she was herself conducted from 
 infancy to youth, and now, if ever, she looks 
 seriously upon this picture, with a fervent de- 
 sire to ascertain the truth ; to make 'out, as 
 in a faithful chart, the rocks and shoals upon 
 which her own bark may at different times 
 have nearly suffered shipwreck ; as well as 
 the safer channels through which she has at 
 other times been enabled to pass unharmed. 
 
 There are quiet hours permitted almost to 
 all, before a mother enters again upon the ac- 
 tive duties of life, during which this peculiar 
 kind of retrospection might be, and no doubt 
 often is, carried on with lasting benefit to her- 
 self and her family. Yet, on the other hand, 
 it is deeply to be regretted, that the frivolous 
 or low conversation of an ignorant nurse, 
 should so often be permitted to rob these 
 golden hours of their real value, by the in- 
 troduction of idle jests and vulgar gossip, 
 gathered up from other families and house- 
 holds, where the nurse has been in some 
 measure a confidential, though temporary 
 servant ; and where she must necessarily 
 have formed but a very imperfect idea of 
 the general state of things within the do- 
 mestic circle. How many a private history, 
 whether true or false, has been thus detail- 
 ed how many a character has been robbed 
 of its good name how many an injurious 
 suspicion has been excited which time could 
 never afterwards obliterate, those women best 
 can tell, who have found the first weeks of 
 a mother's life hang heavily upon their hands, 
 because shut out from their accustomed oc- 
 cupations and amusements ; and who have 
 consequently resorted to this means, in the 
 hope of obtaining relief from the burden of 
 their own dull thoughts. 
 
 I have no voluntary condemnation to pass 
 upon the class of necessary assistants to 
 which these expressions refer. So far from 
 it, I have often thought that their unremitting 
 exertions, their cheerful devotedness to the
 
 A MOTHER'S FIRST THOUGHTS. 
 
 comfort of a family in which they can feel 
 no particular interest; and, above all, their 
 care and solicitude for the preservation of a 
 young life which can never be any thing to 
 them, entitle these nurses, especially, to grat- 
 itude and respect. That they are not a more 
 enlightened class of women, is certainly no 
 fault of theirs ; and if they do sometimes 
 make family histories fill up the long hours 
 of their attendance in a sick-room, tne blame 
 of their doing so attaches far more to those 
 who listen, than to those who tell. 
 
 But what is the young mother to do under 
 these circumstances, who has never cultivated 
 the habit of serious thought, and still less that 
 of self-examination 1 By such there is but 
 one thing to be done to begin to cultivate 
 these habits now. Hitherto she may have 
 believed that she was acting only for herself, 
 and therefore she may have been willing, to 
 a certain extent, to reap the consequences of 
 her own actions ; but now the consequences 
 are strictly to another, and that other a being 
 almost dearer than herself. Upon her parents, 
 her relations, nay, even upon her husband, she 
 may have secretly thrown the blame of many 
 of her own faults and deficiencies ; but there 
 can be no blame thrown upon another here. 
 The field is open before her, in which she 
 has to act the page is clear and vacant upon 
 which she has to write. Whatever is written 
 there in the capacity of a mother, is written 
 on her own responsibility whatever is done, 
 is done for time, and for eternity. 
 
 There are cases occurring to all of us, per- 
 haps, oftener than the day, in which we do 
 not take the trouble to decide whether we are 
 right or wrong, simply because we deem the 
 occasion of too little consequence to merit any 
 serious thought ; or, at all events, even while 
 we feel that we are a little wrong, we satisfy 
 the claims of conscience by the plea that it is 
 our custom our habit or a thing we must 
 do, because we have always done it But in 
 the training of a child, this plea can never be 
 allowed, if indeed it had been available before, 
 because every thing is of consequence then ; 
 and the sins of omission in that most trying 
 process, tell as legibly upon the character 
 
 under formation, as those which are more 
 positive and direct 
 
 From the duties of a mother there is then 
 no escape ; and hence it follows, that if ever, 
 in the whole course of woman's life, she is 
 called upon to think seriously, it is when she 
 first becomes a parent. I cannot but suppose, 
 however, that English mothers will most of 
 them have learned to think seriously long 
 before this period, except indeed, in those 
 lamentable cases, where the husband has 
 chosen a companion for life, simply from the 
 fancy of a moment where the rose of a 
 blooming cheek, the grace of a lovely form, 
 or the sparkling pleasantry of an undisciplined 
 spirit, have been presumed upon as guaran- 
 tees for the happiness of a whole life. 
 
 Were I writing a book for the benefit of 
 men instead of women, I might here enlarge 
 upon the domestic calamities to which many 
 have subjected themselves in consequence of 
 making this kind of choice. I must confess 
 that to me the spectacle of a silly mother 
 surrounded by a family of children whom she 
 has neither the skill to influence, nor the 
 dignity to control, has always presented one 
 of the most melancholy aspects of human 
 life. But in whatever point of view this pic- 
 ture should be presented, it is more than prob- 
 able that men would still go on to please 
 themselves for the time being, regardless of 
 ultimate vexation ; and what is worse, it is 
 equally probable, that they would still continue 
 to charge the miseries of their own disappoint- 
 ment upon the whole female sex. Nor indeed 
 would it be altogether politic, should we 
 succeed in dissuading them from this generous 
 system of protecting the helpless and incapa- 
 ble ; because a heavy burden would then be left 
 upon society, of which it is now in a great ; 
 measure relieved, by the preference of the 
 stronger sex falling so charitably and so often 
 upon the weakest of the weak. It is only on 
 behalf of the rising generation that this prefer- 
 ence is to be regretted ; and the more so, 
 that a strong stimulus is now withheld, which 
 ought to be thrown on the side of mental and 
 moral cultivation ; for it is of no use attempt- 
 ing to draw a veil over the truth, that so long
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 &s women see their ignorance and folly not 
 unacceptable to men, they will never strenu- 
 ously endeavor to be wiser than they are. 
 
 Those luckless womrn who find themselves 
 placed at the head of a family which they are 
 expected to govern, without ever having 
 learned, or even thought of, any mode of 
 governing themselves, must be left almost 
 entirely out of consideration in pursuing the 
 course of reflection which is intended to 
 occupy these pages. It is not certainly from 
 choice that such pitiable creatures are placed 
 beyond the pale of sympathy, for of all human 
 beings, the mother who is expected to con- 
 duct a family without this preparation, has 
 the most need of help from others. But the 
 question naturally arises, when we think of 
 such women " How is it possible to help 
 them ?" The wayward whose will is at fault, 
 and the simply uninformed whose judgment 
 has never been rightly directed, may both be 
 assisted, when we labor to convince them of 
 their errors ; but the naturally weak the in- 
 capable what is to be done with them ? No- 
 thing, that I am aware of, but to commend 
 them to the tender mercies of those protectors, 
 who, having placed them in situations for which 
 they were not fitted, are doubly bound not to 
 leave them to bear unaided the consequences 
 of an imprudence not wholly their own. 
 
 It is one feature in the case under consid- 
 eration, and by no means a hopeful one, that 
 notwithstanding all the evils arising out of 
 the unfitness of silly women to undertake the 
 duties of wives and mothers, there still pre- 
 vails among men a popular outcry against 
 women of an opposite character, as if to 
 possess talent, was necessarily to be guilty 
 of pretension ; or, as if to be imbecile, was 
 necessarily to be amiable. Happily for men, 
 and women too, but more happily for infancy 
 than either, there is a wide range of intellect 
 between the two extremes of wisdom and of 
 folly; and it is to this class to women of 
 competent minds, desirous of turning their 
 abilities to the best account, that I would 
 venture chiefly to address myself; for if, on 
 the one hand, the absolutely weak would be 
 incapable of profiting by such hints as I may 
 
 be able to suggest, those who arc already wise, 
 and consequently fitter than myself to discuss 
 the important topics now under consideration, 
 will, I hope, be willing to pardon me for 
 transcribing, for the sake of others, what they 
 already know. 
 
 To persons of ordinary intellect then, to 
 persons of fair and candid minds, but chiefly 
 to such as feel their own deficiencies, and 
 would be glad to profit by the experience and 
 observation of others, I would, in the true 
 spirit of charity, submit these pages, because 
 it is to such I believe that the first experience 
 of a mother's life will have many anxious 
 feelings intermingled with its joys. 
 
 It is among this class especially, that I have 
 imagined the first thoughts of a mother to 
 wander back to her own childhood, and to 
 take a serious and impartial survey of her 
 own past life ; to mark where she has fallen 
 short, or gone astray, by what temptations 
 she has been most frequently overcome, and 
 which have been the weakest points in her 
 own character. But above all, I have ima- 
 gined that the Christian mother would by 
 prayer, and heartfelt dedication, commend 
 her child to the care and guidance of its 
 Heavenly Father, in the hope that both it 
 and its earthly parents might begin a new 
 life more strictly devoted to his service and 
 his glory. 
 
 It is scarcely possible to imagine a really 
 impartial and heart-searching review of the 
 past to be entered into, by one whose mind 
 has ever been seriously impressed with the 
 nature and importance of religious truth, 
 without a desire arising to make the kind of 
 dedication here alluded to; but it is one of 
 the constant besetments even of the rightly 
 intentioned, and often of the truly convinced, 
 to put off this great work until some vaguely 
 anticipated era in our existence shall have 
 marked the season of dedication with pecu- 
 liar solemnity, or stamped the resolution with 
 additional force. How often this era proves 
 in the end to be the hour of irremediable 
 sickness, it is not my business here to in- 
 quire ; but certainly if the possibility of near 
 and awful death, if the preparation for an j
 
 A MOTHER'S FIRST THOUGHTS. 
 
 ' event which in many cases has proved but a 
 short passage to the grave if a providential 
 and merciful escape from the dangers of that 
 trying hour and if the important reality of 
 entering at once as it were upon a new and 
 twofold existence if all these circumstances 
 combined be insufficient to constitute a \ era 
 so important as that which is required for 
 the date of a solemn dedication of the heart 
 and the life to God, it is scarcely likely that 
 human experience will ever afford the oppor- 
 tunity desired, and the inquiry necessarily 
 follows in such a case, whether it is really 
 desired at all. 
 
 It is by no means an unfrequent case, that 
 as young people grow up, and find them- 
 selves either not quite so clever, or not quite 
 so good as they expected and wished to be, 
 they reflect either secretly or openly upon the 
 management of their parents, who they be- 
 lieve might have made them better than they 
 are. It is quite possible too that their pa- 
 rents may have been in fault ; and that 
 either from their own discrimination, or from 
 the general advance of society towards a 
 more enlightened state, they do actually see 
 the defects of their own training, as those 
 defects begin to tell upon their characters and 
 conduct in riper years. All who have been 
 led to think seriously on this subject, have 
 probably felt this ; but it is not all who have 
 an opportunity of showing how such defects 
 may be remedied by training up others in a 
 happier and wiser manner. 
 
 Again, we are all more or less beguiled 
 into the belief that with us it is too late to 
 make any serious alteration in the habits 
 which mark our private lives. Indeed, the 
 fact that they are habits, seems to stamp 
 them with a kind of excusability, if I may 
 be allowed the expression ; though we lament 
 over them in tones of contrition before our 
 friends, and even believe in our own sincerity 
 when we pray to have them forgiven. But 
 if we can thus excuse ourselves a few se- 
 cretly cherished faults, and if we are some- 
 times content to pursue our earthly pilgrim- 
 age under the pressure of the burden of 
 which we stiil complain, surely the mother, 
 
 in contemplating the future character of her 
 child, will not allow herself to suppose that 
 the same plea will be available here. No ; 
 neither ignorance nor habit, those two strong- 
 holds of the human soul under which it so 
 often takes refuge, fondly believing that they 
 will cover a multitude of sins ; neither the 
 one, nor the other, will serve the mother's 
 purpose now. What she has condemned in 
 the management of her parents, she is bound 
 the more scrupulously to avoid in her own 
 what she has grown too old to correct in 
 herself, she has no excuse for not preventing 
 in her child. 
 
 Beyond this, there is mixed up with many 
 of the duties of advanced experience, a spirit 
 of heaviness, a sense of depression owing to 
 the many failures of youth's golden hopes 
 a fainting of the soul under the manifold con- 
 flicts it has had to wage, which, though by 
 no means beyond the reach of religious con- 
 solation to soothe and to alleviate, has a 
 deadening effect upon the exercise of ener- 
 gy, both in worldly and in spiritual things. 
 Happily for the young life over which the 
 mother watches, it knows no shadow from 
 such clouds as these. Youth enters freshly 
 and gaily upon its untried career, and not 
 all the failures of the thousands, and tens 
 of thousands who have already erred and 
 strayed from the right path, have power to 
 damp the ardor and the hope with which it 
 eagerly pursues each object of desire. And 
 how beautiful and encouraging to the time- 
 worn parent is this fresh spring of existence 
 when her own has lost its elasticity and 
 power ! To her it may sometimes appear 
 that scarcely any thing in the world is worth 
 the effort necessary to obtain it But to her 
 child how different ! Supply but a sufficient 
 motive, and the energy is there ; point out a 
 course of action, and the impulse is alive 
 and present ; direct to the attainment of an 
 object, and the question never arises, as it 
 does in after life, whether it is worth while. 
 Why then should the mother not rejoice, 
 when she has this new energy, this strong 
 impulse, and this unquestioning ardor to 
 work with, in preparing for the vicissitudes
 
 10 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 as well as the enjoyments of after life 1 
 Why should the mother not rejoice, when 
 all that has been exhausted in her own fee- 
 ble frame, all that has been extinguished in 
 her own waning mind, arises fresh and vig- 
 orous beneath her hand, and shoots forth in- 
 to a new and hopeful existence, so bound up 
 with her own, that while she gives direction 
 to each faculty, she may also derive encour- 
 agement and gladness from its healthy and 
 successful exercise ? 
 
 There are then many causes, both in rea- 
 son and in nature, why the mother should 
 rejoice ; and perhaps it is this very rebound- 
 ing of the heart back to all, and more than 
 all it has ever enjoyed in life and love, that 
 constitutes in some measure the temptation 
 to which an affectionate nature yields, so as 
 to rest satisfied with the mere bodily health 
 of a fondly-treasured infant, with the amuse- 
 ments of the nursery, and with the first ca- 
 resses of childhood, instead of looking beyond 
 the present hour, or regarding it as a season 
 of preparation for a future day. Thus time 
 is trifled on. To avoid contradiction, and 
 consequent distress, becomes the mother's 
 only thought. The occupation of the hand 
 seems to demand her whole attention, as 
 another and another little body springs up to 
 require her care ; and the mind, the temper 
 in fact, the whole moral being is thus set aside 
 as a thing to be taken up again at some future 
 time, when the child shall be sent to school, 
 or committed to the care of a governess, to 
 be made wise and good. 
 
 Now, it is quite evident to a mother of the 
 meanest capacity, that if the food of her in- 
 fant was to be withheld or rendered un- 
 wholesome for a single day, the body of the 
 child would suffer ; and it is a fact which 
 cannot be too forcibly impressed upon all 
 mothers, that the mind, even in its infant 
 state, is deriving nourishment, either of a 
 healthy or an unhealthy nature, from every 
 thing around it. Let the different effect up- 
 on the spirits of a child between a dull and a 
 cheerful nurse be duly considered, and this 
 fact will appear more plain. I am not absurd 
 enough to suppose that the mind of an infant 
 
 must be treated like that of a mature and ra- 
 tional being. All I would maintain is, that 
 there are little dawnings of intelligence at a 
 very early age, indications of temper, and 
 symptoms of peculiar temperament, which 
 ought to be watched, and either cherished 
 or restrained, with as much assiduity as is 
 generally bestowed upon the animal frame. 
 
 It is common, too, with mothers of the 
 humblest capacity, as well as with the more 
 enlightened, to observe with the most scru- 
 tinizing attention the bodily health of their 
 children, believing that even where no dis- 
 ease exists, there may still be tendencies in 
 the constitution, and liabilities to certain ail- 
 ments, which maternal love is ever quick to 
 detect in their first appearance, and which 
 the mother seldom spares either time or pains 
 to arrest in their progress. 
 
 In a manner not the less certain, because 
 it is less palpable, does the human mind bring 
 along with it seeds of disease, individual ten- 
 dencies, and peculiarities of nature, certainly 
 not less important than those which belong 
 more especially to the bodily frame. All these 
 ought to be the care of the mother, to search 
 for, to detect, and to turn into a healthy 
 course ; for as in her care of the animal frame, 
 it is for thfe future that she watches, toils, and 
 labors, in order that her offspring may be 
 healthy, active, and fit for all the useful pur- 
 poses of life ; so it is for the future, and for 
 one which extends far beyond what the body 
 needs to be prepared for, that she has to cul- 
 tivate the mind the immortal nature of her 
 child. 
 
 It is not for any of the purposes of to-day, 
 or even of the coming morrow, that the in- 
 fant is practised in the art of placing one foot 
 before another, as in the act of walking. It 
 is not for to-day that the child is encouraged 
 to use its muscles, to grasp, and to appro- 
 priate whatever is within its reach, or at least 
 whatever may be laid hold of without injury. 
 If the present time was all we had to con- 
 sider, most assuredly the less grasping, and 
 the less appropriation, the more easy and 
 pleasant would be the office of the nurse. 
 Instead, however, of consulting her own ease,
 
 A MOTHER'S FIRST THOUGHTS. 
 
 the mother devotes herself with unremitting 
 assiduity to the cultivation of the bodily facul- 
 ties of her infant, so that none of its organic 
 functions may suffer from the want of exer- 
 cise. If she discovers the slightest tendency 
 to the contraction of a muscle, or the distor- 
 tion of a limb, her whole being is absorbed by 
 apprehensions of the most distressing kind, 
 and all her energies are directed to the means 
 of averting the evils she anticipates for the 
 future. Is it thus, I would ask, on the first 
 discovery of a tendency to impatience, to con- 
 tradiction, or to revenge 7 It is but too prob- 
 able that every positive exhibition of these 
 wrong tendencies is followed by an act of 
 punishment proportioned to the good or evil 
 temper of the nurse, just upon the old-fashion- 
 ed principle that naughty children must be 
 whipped ; but as to the philosophy of such 
 punishment, as well might a crooked limb be 
 forcibly set straight every time it was seen 
 out of place, as the perverse child be simply 
 punished every time it did wrong. 
 
 There is no woman blind enough to sup- 
 pose that in the case of the body, mere mo- 
 mentary correction will be of any lasting, use ; 
 and why then should the mind, or in other 
 words, the moral character of the child, be 
 treated with less reasoning, and less calcula- 
 tion, than its animal frame] 
 
 It is possible, however, so far to extend our 
 ideas into the future, as to lose sight of the 
 intermediate space between the cradle and 
 the grave. And where the mother is so defi- 
 cient in knowledge of the world, and of hu- 
 man nature in general, as to be a stranger to 
 that wide theatre of stirring interests which 
 we call human life, it must of course be left 
 to circumstances to mould the characters of 
 her children. The result of which, in all 
 probability, will be, that the accidents of life 
 to them will be so various and unexpected, 
 as to surprise them into acting very different- 
 ly from what their parents had intended. 
 
 We cannot but suppose, however, that 
 most women educated under ordinary circum- 
 stances, will have learned something of the 
 world before being placed in the situation of 
 mothers ; and out of such knowledge arises 
 
 a very natural and suitable inquiry, how the 
 children under their care shall be best pre- 
 pared fo: entering upon the world such as it 
 is ? not merely for becoming portions of the 
 general mass, for mixing themselves in with 
 the elements of discord too frequently found 
 there, nor even for swelling the tide of popu- 
 lar feeling whatever it may be. All this they 
 would learn too readily, if left to take their 
 own course. But the inquiry a mother has 
 to make is, what are the prevailing evils now 
 existing in the world ; what are the good 
 tendencies of the present state of society ; and 
 by what means can the mind be so moulded, 
 and the habits so formed, that the child going 
 through the process of education, shall be best 
 enabled to assist in counteracting the one, 
 and helping forward the other 1 
 
 These are serious inquiries, well worthy a 
 mother's attention, and requiring, in order to 
 act upon them to any useful purpose, much 
 of that observation and tact which has been 
 already urged upon women at an earlier 
 stage of their experience. And here I would 
 venture to observe, that every thing which 
 appeared to me essential to a woman holding 
 the relative situation of a daughter, appeared 
 so more especially when contemplating the 
 same character in that of a wife or a mother; 
 nor could any faculty of the mind be recom- 
 mended in its exercise to a young and single 
 woman, which might not be made a hundred- 
 fold more valuable to her as a mother. 
 
 Whence then can have arisen that most ab- 
 surd and infatuated notion, that woman, while 
 young and unmarried, may with propriety cul- 
 tivate her mind and improve her character to 
 almost any extent ; but that as a wife she has 
 no need to advance any farther, and as a 
 mother she will do very well if she can but 
 superintend the dressing and undressing of a 
 baby ! If, as regards the female sex, there 
 should ever have been ground for the estab- 
 lishment of so erroneous a belief, one would 
 suppose that the simple fact of mothers hav- 
 ing the training of boys, as well as girls, com- 
 mitted to their care, might sometimes startle 
 them into a consciousness of the vast amount 
 of responsibility resting upon them. That
 
 12 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 single thought, so alarming in its spirit-stirring 
 interest, that all the statesmen of the rising 
 generation, all the ministers of religion, all 
 public and private gentlemen, as well as all 
 men of business, mechanics, and laborers of 
 every description, will have received, as re- 
 gards intellectual and moral character, their 
 first bias, and often their strongest and their 
 last, from the training and the influence of a 
 mother, is a consideration which cannot be 
 too deeply impressed even upon the minds 
 of the young, for it is the young more espe- 
 cially who have it in their power to profit by 
 such thoughts ; and though none could be 
 more unwilling than the writer of these pages, 
 to fill the imagination of a girl with premature 
 ideas of her own importance, in reference to 
 the future, yet I still believe, that a prospec- 
 tive view of their own responsibilities, prop- 
 erly placed before them, would tend very 
 much to counteract the injurious effects of 
 those trifling and vulgar anticipations of court- 
 ship and marriage, which too frequently in- 
 terfere with the intellectual improvement of 
 the young, and effectually destroy the true 
 dignity of woman. 
 
 We know that the further a nation ad- 
 vances in civilization, in science, and in gen- 
 eral knowledge, the more intelligence, wisdom, 
 and forethought is required of those who hold 
 the reins of government, and direct the man- 
 agement of institutions for the public good ; 
 and what nobler ambition can fill the hearts 
 of British women, than that the next genera- 
 tion of their countrymen should be better 
 grounded in the principles of true knowledge 
 than the last? But, striking and impressive 
 as this idea justly appears in its immediate 
 import, that of the education of daughters is 
 at least as much so in its remoter tendency, 
 because it is to women that we still must 
 look for the training of future generations, 
 and the formation of characters whose names 
 may be surrounded by a glory, or stamp- 
 ed with a blot, in the history of ages yet to 
 come. 
 
 And are not these profound and stirring 
 
 thoughts for the mother, in her hours of re- 
 tirement and repose ? The human mind, 
 naturally prone to wander beyond the sphere 
 of actual knowledge, becomes lost in a cloud 
 of vague uncertainties, whenever it takes too 
 bold a flight ; but here is a field for noble as- 
 pirations, in which it is not only lawful, but 
 perfectly reasonable, to indulge ; and not the 
 loftiest ambition that ever fired a hero's breast, 
 could be so ardent or so high as that which 
 it is both natural and right for the fond mo- 
 ther to cherish in her " heart of hearts." Yes, 
 it is a great and glorious thought, that the 
 being whose young life is now so tenderly 
 bound up with hers, that not a chord of one 
 can thrill with the minutest touch of feeling, 
 but an answering tone is echoed by the other ; 
 that this frail and helpless being, so delicate, 
 so pure, and so beautiful to her, may one day 
 be swelling the ranks of the church-militant 
 on earth, and may eventually join the anthems 
 of triumphant joy which celebrate the admis- 
 sion of the saints to their eternal rest in 
 heaven. 
 
 Thus far I have purposely confined my 
 observations chiefly to a mother's tluruglils. 
 Beyond this, the outer court of the temple of 
 maternal love, lies the inner sanctuary of a 
 mother's feelings, whose holy secrets no in- 
 experienced hand should presume to touch. 
 It must be observed, however, that within 
 this sanctuary, and out of these holy secrets, 
 arises the natural spring of all her influence, 
 and of all her power. Assisted only by the 
 force of reason and of principle, a stranger 
 might conduct the steps of childhood to ma- 
 turity as well as the mother herself; but in 
 the maternal bosom, as has already been ob- 
 served, is lodged an instinct stronger than 
 any other which is associated with animal 
 existence ; and the tendency of these pages 
 will be to show, that wherever there is a 
 strong feeling, there is, if rightly exercised, 
 and under favorable circumstances, a proper- 
 tionate degree of power, and that wherever 
 there is power, there is an equal amount of 
 responsibility.
 
 AUTHORITY, INFLUENCE, AND EXAMPLE. 
 
 13 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 AUTHORITY, INFLUENCE, AND EXAMPLE. 
 
 IT is a great point gained, in studying the 
 true " science of life," to know when to be 
 little and when to be great. In venturing to 
 write upon the duties of woman as a wife, I 
 have been charged with wishing to place her 
 in too low a scale. Perhaps I have not been 
 so fortunate as to make my ideas fully under- 
 stood ; for although I still think that, as a 
 wife, woman should place herself, instead of 
 running the ri^k of being placed, in a second- 
 ary position as a mother, I do not see how 
 it is possible for her to be too dignified, or to 
 be treated with too much respect. 
 
 Yet it is of the utmost importance to those 
 who undertake the management of children, 
 that they should have clear ideas of the dif- 
 ference betwixt authority and influence, and 
 of the necessary dependence of both upon 
 example. 
 
 Although, strictly speaking, there can be 
 no such thing as authority without influence, 
 yet when we speak of authority simply as 
 such, we mean nothing more than that there 
 exists, for the time being, a power in one 
 party to enforce a command, and a willing- 
 ness in the other to obey. There are kind 
 and gentle mothers who think that authority 
 has littl'e or nothing to do with the education 
 of their children ; and there are, on the other 
 hand, persons educated in the old schools 
 who consider authority as the only instru- 
 ment they have to work with, in producing 
 the effect which mental and moral discipline 
 are desired to produce upon the young. I 
 is common with individuals of the latter clasi 
 to speak of " breaking the natural will," as 
 if the will was an excrescence which had to 
 be removed, or a branch which had to be 
 lopped off, before any good could beexpecte 
 to be done. Hence those horrible whipping 
 of former times, those shuttings up in dark 
 chambers, and those other varieties of menta 
 and bodily punishment, all which had abou 
 as much efficacy in softening the natura 
 temper and subduing the spirit of pride, a 
 the sprinkling on of water has in the extin 
 
 uishing of burning coals. Indeed, one can 
 carcely imagine any thing more congenial to 
 formation of desperate and malignant 
 esolutions, than to be forcibly snatched up, 
 s some of us can remember to have been, 
 lirust, struggling, into a dark and unoccupied 
 oom, and there locked up, and left ; so that, 
 cream as we would, (and few, under such 
 ;ircumstances, would not do their best,) the 
 =ound of our distress was beyond the reach 
 of any human ear. 
 
 Happily for the human race, however, these 
 imes are past, and the too severe application 
 of direct and unsparing punishment is not 
 ;he fashion of the present day. I say happily 
 br the human race, because it is not possible 
 br the most unbounded indulgence, as a sys- 
 :em, to produce consequences so lamentable 
 n their general effects, as a system of harsh- 
 ness and severity practised upon the tender 
 and susceptible nature of youth. To those 
 kind and gentle mothers who consider mere 
 authority as too stern an instrument to work 
 with in the training up of their children, we 
 must then in justice grant, that theirs is the 
 lesser evil of the two. 
 
 Where this evil on the mother's part arises 
 from excessive tenderness, and unwillingness 
 to give pain, it will perhaps be a little start- 
 ling to hear it asserted, that if she set herself 
 to devise a plan for ensuring the future 
 misery of her child, next in degree of effi- 
 cacy, though widely different in nature, to 
 that which has already been alluded to, she 
 could not find one more effectual than that 
 of neglecting to instil into its mind the neces- 
 sity of implicit obedience. Once convinced 
 of this necessity, which it easily may be, by 
 never being allowed to call in question the 
 authority of those under whose care it is 
 placed, the child grows up without the least 
 idea that the rule of obedience is a hardship 
 or in fact without any idea of obedience at all 
 for it submits habitually to rightful authority 
 just as we submit every day to those circum 
 etances over which we have no control. In 
 this manner the habit of submitting the natu 
 ral will is imperceptibly acquired, a world o 
 fruitless and painful contention is avoided
 
 14 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 and the child really enjoys the advantage of 
 being constantly under the direction of wis- 
 dom, forethought, and experience, superior to 
 its own. 
 
 The maintenance of this unyielding au- 
 thority on the part of the mother, requires, it 
 would seem, some little tact and skill ; for 
 some who are the most imperative in their 
 commands, are in reality the least obeyed. 
 That hasty slaps, loud talking, and harsh 
 words, have nothing whatever to do with the 
 system of discipline here recommended, it is 
 scarcely necessary to say ; neither that weak- 
 est and most fruitless sort of pleading, which 
 consists of a perpetual repetition of " Now 
 do," and "Now don't;" and still less do 
 threatenings and bribes enter into the scheme 
 proposed ; but a steady and consistent meth- 
 od begun in early infancy, and never on any 
 occasion whatever departed from, of requir- 
 ing obedience to the parent's wishes, simply 
 as such, accompanied by a strict regard to 
 clearness, consistency, and truth, in making 
 those wishes known. 
 
 To a child trained up in this manner, obe- 
 dience is so easy, that it no more thinks of 
 questioning the mother's right to direct its ac- 
 tions, than it quarrels with the nurse because 
 she stretches out her arms to prevent its fall- 
 ing. Nor is there more severity in the exercise 
 of such authority, than in the protecting care 
 which preserves an infant from corporeal 
 harm. Ninety-nine out of every hundred of 
 the whims and wishes of a child, would, if it 
 were possible to gratify them, be productive 
 of more pain than pleasure ; and thus it is 
 necessary, even for its happiness, that they 
 should be subjected to the decision of anoth- 
 er. Let the little hero, before he is able to 
 walk, thrust away the hand of the nuree as 
 he will, she suffers no symptoms of vexation 
 on his part to prevent her necessary assist- 
 ance, because she knows, and in this she 
 judges for herself without consulting him, 
 that the child would be more hurt by a fall, 
 than by being the subject of a mere moment- 
 ary vexation. And the mother knows, or 
 rather she ought to know, that upon the 
 same principle her child would suffer more 
 
 by discovering that he had the power to con- 
 tradict and oppose his mother's wishes, than 
 by being deprived of some little gratification 
 of fancy or desire, which in all probability 
 would please him only for a moment 
 
 By the habit of obedience too, when prac- 
 tised towards a judicious and consistent 
 mother, the child soon learns, as if by a sort 
 of instinct, what is the general nature of its 
 mother's wishes, so that it will often combine 
 the pleasure of anticipating them, with the 
 duty of compliance. 
 
 All weak persons unacquainted with the 
 world, and disappointed in their own experi- 
 ence, are naturally miserable when unsup- 
 ported, and left to themselves. What then 
 must be the suffering of a child whose own 
 will is its only law, and who has not learned 
 what is right and wrong, nor even what is 
 possible and impossible to be had, or done ! 
 We see its sufferings written on its anxious, 
 irritated countenance. We behold in its 
 manner, alternately irresolute and determin- 
 ed, the caprice and waywardness by which 
 it is disturbed. We hear the agony of its 
 disappointment after each successive attempt 
 to do what was impracticable, or what was 
 fraught with danger and pain ; and we ask 
 of the mother, in common kindness, to es- 
 tablish for her child a rule of safety and of 
 peace, and to let that rule be implicit obedi- 
 ence to her own authority. 
 
 It is distressing, even to the casual ob- 
 server, to mark, in the impatient, feverish, 
 irritable character of such a child, the wretch- 
 edness which is preparing for it in after life ; 
 and not in after life alone, for each day is 
 fraught with suffering to the little being who 
 is thus allowed to be a law unto itself, before 
 it has the means of understanding what is 
 right or safe, pleasant or possible, to possess. 
 Yes, we can many of us feelingly attest what 
 it was to spend a day and happy for those 
 with whom a day was all in company with 
 the child who was suffered to crush the hot 
 patty into its mouth, to make tea for its mam- 
 ma, and consequently to pour the scalding 
 water upon its breast, to climb the edge of 
 the round table upon which soup had been
 
 AUTHORITY, INFLUENCE, AND EXAMPLE. 
 
 15 
 
 placed, to burn its fingers by roasting its own 
 apple at the fire, to eat more at every meal 
 than it had power to digest, and to allay the 
 cravings of a diseased appetite by having 
 one hand perpetually supplied with sugar- 
 candy, and the other with sweet-cake ; to 
 finish all, by sitting up late at night because 
 it did not choose to go to bed. Nor need we 
 add to this catalogue those offences of which 
 the child takes no cognizance, such as gin- 
 gerbread stuck upon the visiter's chair, and 
 butter smeared upon her dress ; nor those 
 dreadful eruptions of passions and distress 
 which take place whenever offences abound, 
 so that the parents, or perhaps an irritated 
 father, thinks it necessary to correct the child, 
 as it is called. Neither is it necessary to 
 dwell upon the multiplication of these evils 
 where the family is numerous, and confusion 
 is consequently worse confounded. I would 
 only add, that to all these, and more a hun- 
 dred-fold, the fond mother has subjected her 
 children, from failing to enforce the simple 
 and pleasant duty of implicit obedience, which 
 would have made all things comparatively 
 easy. Not that I am visionary enough to 
 assert that wherever authority is consistently 
 maintained there will be at all times, and on 
 the instant, a willing obedience, with an ab- 
 sence of wrong tempers, feverish ailments, 
 and perverseness of disposition ; but I am 
 confident in asserting, that the greatest kind- 
 ness we can do to a helpless* ignorant, and 
 inexperienced being, is to furnish it with a 
 guide upon which it may safely and implicitly 
 depend, and that this guide to a child ought 
 to be the undisputed authority of its parents, 
 or of those whom they may deem worthy of 
 being deputed to act in their stead. 
 
 Then again it is prompt obedience that is 
 required, for no other will answer the end of 
 producing family concord, and indivicjual sat- 
 isfaction. A lingering, pleading, lengthened- 
 out dispute, betwixt the mother and the child, 
 even when the mother gains the mastery in 
 the end, is the very opposite in its results to 
 what all rational parents would desire ; and 
 the little girl who keeps her nurse waiting 
 for her a whole hour, because she entreats 
 
 her mother every ten minutes that she may 
 stay up a little longer, has to be carried off to 
 bed at nine o'clock, with as much screaming 
 and opposition as there would have been at 
 eight, and with the additional injury to her 
 health and temper, of having suffered the 
 loss of her natural rest ; with the still worse 
 addition of having discovered, that by plead- 
 ing and coaxing she can overcome her moth- 
 er's influence, and set aside her determina- 
 tion to enforce what is right. 
 
 Habit, which is said to be second nature 
 with all, is almost more than that with chil- 
 dren. Thus the habit of resisting and dis- 
 puting authority, by whatever means it may 
 be done, lets in a tide of evil consequences 
 not to be arrested by any occasional resump- 
 tion of the power which has been voluntarily 
 resigned. The maintenance of authority is 
 like the preservation of a string of beads 
 break but the " silken cord on which they 
 hang," and the pearls are scattered in dis- 
 order, if not irretrievably lost By suffering 
 the rule of obedience to be set aside, an end- 
 less catalogue of evil tempers, vexations, 
 disappointments, artifices, mean subterfuges, 
 and even the worst of all bribery the bribery 
 of self-interested endearments are allowed 
 to take the place of that steady, calm, and 
 undeviating submission, which costs no pain, 
 and requires no sacrifice, simply because it is 
 habitual. 
 
 There is no spectacle in life more deplora- 
 ble, and few more calculated to awaken feel- 
 ings of contempt, than that of an undisci- 
 plined and pettish temper fretting against 
 and resisting what is inevitable ; and yet all 
 this folly, as well as the suffering with which 
 it is always associated, is necessarily conse- 
 quent upon that error in the management of 
 childhood, which allows of rightful authority 
 being made the subject of resistance and 
 dispute. On the other hand, we never con- 
 template human nature in a more noble or 
 dignified position, than when, under the dis- 
 pensation of Divine, and consequently indis- 
 putable power, it yields a willing and prompt 
 obedience. 
 
 It may be said that the obedience of a child
 
 16 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 to those who superintend its infant years, 
 has nothing whatever to do with the submis- 
 sion of beings more rational and mature to 
 laws which they acknowledge to be divine ; 
 but I am fully persuaded that the habit of 
 rebellion against human authority, allowed 
 in early life, will render the habit of submis- 
 sion to a higher Power of more difficult at- 
 tainment in after years ; while, on the other 
 hand, the same proportion of opposite results 
 will follow from a prompt and undeviating 
 subjection of the weaker to the stronger, 
 during those early stages of existence when 
 it is impossible that the reasons for enforcing 
 a parent's commands should be fully under- 
 stood. 
 
 Among the records preserved to us of the 
 dealings of God with man in the early history 
 of the world, nothing is more striking than 
 the manner in which this principle of unques- 
 tioning obedience was enforced. Until the 
 rule of simple obedience was acknowledged, 
 nothing could be done towards the develop- 
 ment of those higher principles which were 
 afterwards to enlighten and regenerate man- 
 kind. It was the entire submission of the 
 ignorant to the wise, of the weak to the 
 strong, of the erring to the steadfast, of the 
 guilty to the stainless and pure, that was 
 required, before any more profound and ex- 
 pansive system of discipline could be brought 
 to operate upon the different characters and 
 habits of mankind ; and although the child will 
 soon, too soon, discover that its earthly pa- 
 rent is not so perfect as its young affection 
 had taught it to believe, still, until it can bring 
 into competition with that parent an equal 
 amount of ability to discern betwixt the evil 
 and the good, it ought never to be permitted 
 to feel that there is a way of escape from the 
 rule of implicit obedience. 
 
 And this obedience, I repeat, may be ren- 
 dered as easy as it is to submit to the dark- 
 ness of night at a certain hcfff, or to the cold 
 of winter at a certain season of the year. 
 We do not often see children go into convul- 
 sions of rage because a shower of rain is fall- 
 ing, and thus preventing their expected walk. 
 Convince them that it actually does rain, and, 
 
 feeling that the calamity, though great, is 
 inevitable, they submit accordingly, and often 
 return with a cheerfulness which might in- 
 struct their seniors, to the amusements or 
 occupations which they had been busy with 
 before. In this case they submit without 
 murmuring, because they know that no plead- 
 ing of theirs, no coaxing, no bribery, ever did 
 make the rain cease at their bidding ; and 
 there is no doubt but they would evince the 
 same prompt and cheerful submission to pa- 
 rental authority, if it was exercised in a con- 
 sistent and undeviating manner. 
 
 It is true we sometimes hear a short and 
 sudden sigh from the child who is called. 
 away at a certain hour to leave a flattering 
 circle in the drawing-room, for the obscurity 
 of the nursery, and I am far from supposing 
 that habitual obedience never costs an effort 
 at the moment it is required ; but I speak of 
 the effort as one which by comparison is re- 
 duced to almost nothing; and I appeal for 
 the truth of this assertion to the cheerfulness, 
 serenity, and absence of unnecessary disap- 
 pointment, observable in children who are 
 brought up under that system of unquestion- 
 ing obedience, which is the only true founda- 
 tion of all discipline in the management of 
 children, of all social comfort in their homes, 
 and of all satisfaction to those who have the 
 trouble and anxiety of watching over them. 
 
 Although the exercise of that authority 
 which is here so earnestly recommended, 
 might seem, from its direct and undeviating 
 character, to be one of the easiest things in 
 the world, it is, as has already been observed, 
 one of the most difficult consistently to carry 
 out; because the natural weakness of the 
 mother's heart is ever tempting her to risk 
 the future good of her child, for the sake of 
 its immediate gratification. And here, if ever, 
 we see the necessity there is for women to 
 attain that self-mastery, and to cultivate that 
 moral courage, without which they are inca- 
 pable of working out any lasting good by 
 their influence over others. 
 
 It is that little sigh we have just alluded 
 to, that appealing look perhaps through the 
 mist of tears, or, more than all, that sweet
 
 AUTHORITY, INFLUENCE, AND EXAMPLE. 
 
 17 
 
 spirit of resignation with which the child 
 throws up its game not yet played out, and 
 turns to hang upon the neck of its nurse, 
 which melts the mother's firmness, and makes 
 her determine that, for once at least, its un- 
 resisting compliance shall be rewarded by a 
 deviation from the accustomed rule. Thus 
 the poor child learns how to appeal another 
 time. It learns to anticipate these devia- 
 tions, and to consider itself aggrieved when 
 they are not allowed. Thus, in short, the 
 silken cord is broken, and the pearls lie scat- 
 tered. 
 
 Thus too we see, that however devoted to 
 the happiness of her children the fond mother 
 may be, however amiable herself, however 
 well-intentioned with regard to the perform- 
 ance of her maternal duties, there must be in 
 her management of a family a prospective 
 reference to the future, a calculation as to 
 cause and effect, and a power of serf-govern- 
 ment, so as in all things to make the lesser 
 subservient to the greater good ; all which 
 an education of accomplishments, and a youth 
 of visiting and vanity, are but little calculated 
 to supply. It remains therefore to be the 
 more earnestly urged upon the mothers of 
 England, that so far as they are able, they 
 should look well to these things, and endeavor 
 to obviate, in the education of their children, 
 the evils they have to deplore in their own. 
 
 Our next subject of consideration is influ- 
 ence, and here we come at once to the great 
 secret of woman's power in her social and 
 domestic character. By absolute and mere 
 authority it is little indeed that woman can 
 do, because the weakness of her bodily frame, 
 and the natural susceptibility of her feelings, 
 render her wholly unfit for wielding the 
 weapon of authority to any useful purpose, 
 and especially in her management of boys. 
 Indeed it is a sight most pitiful to contemplate, 
 where a poor feeble mother, unsupported by 
 any moral or intellectual influence, deals out 
 among her unheeding children, alternate 
 slaps and thrusts, accompanied by the tone 
 and language of command, without its appa- 
 rently anticipated results ; while she wonders 
 in her own mind, and sometimes inquires of 
 
 her friends, how it can be that her children 
 are more rebellious than others, though under- 
 going either scolding or chastisement every 
 day of their lives. Such for the most part is 
 the situation of woman when attempting to 
 exercise authority without having obtained 
 influence ; for though authority alone may 
 be made available in the management of 
 infancy, no sooner is the discovery made, 
 that the requisites for maintaining influence 
 are wanting in the mother, than she becomes 
 in some degree an object of contempt, and 
 her commands are consequently set at naught 
 
 It is just possible that there should be 
 among women some of those stern, cold, 
 commanding characters, to which authority, 
 simply as such, appropriately belongs. Hap- 
 pily, however, such mothers are but rarely 
 found, and, where they are, present a strange 
 deviation from the usual course of nature, 
 the contemplation of which has the effect of 
 making us admire the more the harmony and 
 beauty of that course as it most uniformly 
 flows. 
 
 If, however, authority belongs as a natural 
 right to such characters, the -finer and more 
 vital elements of moral influence never can 
 be theirs ; and to imagine the tenderness of 
 childhood committed to a mother of this de- 
 scription, is to call up a picture too revolting 
 for the mind to dwell upon without shrinking 
 and horror. Such a mother may possibly 
 govern the actions of her children by the 
 exercise of absolute power, but she can never 
 know the sweet security of moral influence, 
 which operates as effectually when distant 
 and unseen, as when every act of youth is 
 watched by the most scrutinizing eye. 
 
 At the root of all good influence is example. 
 The conduct, mind, and spirit of the mother 
 give a tone to that domestic atmosphere by 
 which the soul in its early experience is 
 sustained. Where that atmosphere is impreg- 
 nated with the elements of discord, arising 
 from the rude passions and wrong tempers 
 of the parents, and of the household in gener- 
 al, it is impossible that the spirit of childhood 
 should be kept in a healthy state : nor even 
 where the members of a family are addicted
 
 18 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 to melancholy and reserve, can the younger 
 branches be said to exist in a genial or whole- 
 some air. 
 
 It has been beautifully observed by the 
 author of Home Education, a book which all 
 mothers ought to read, that " the recollection 
 of a thoroughly happy childhood other ad- 
 vantages not wanting is the very best prepa- 
 ration, moral and intellectual, with which to 
 encounter the duties and cares of real life. 
 A sunshine childhood is an auspicious in- 
 heritance, with which, as a fund, to com- 
 mence trading in practical wisdom and ac- 
 tive goodness. It is a great thing only to 
 have known by experience that tranquil, 
 temperate felicity is actually attainable on 
 earth. How many have pursued a reckless 
 course, because, or chiefly because, they early 
 learned to think of happiness as a chimera, 
 and believed momentary gratification to be 
 the only substitute placed within the reach 
 of man 1 Practicable happiness is much 
 oftener thrown away than really snatched 
 from us ; but it is the most likely to be pur- 
 sued, overtaken, and husbanded, by those 
 who already, and during some considerable 
 period of their lives, have been happy. To 
 have known nothing but misery, is the most 
 portentous condition under which human 
 nature can pursue its course." 
 
 It is a fact universally acknowledged, that 
 the healthy tone of the domestic atmosphere, 
 as well as the general cheerfulness of the 
 household, depend very much upon the mo- 
 ther. In her capacity of a wife, and mistress 
 of a family, she is the one responsible being 
 for the general arrangement and combination 
 of the different elements of social and do- 
 mestic comfort She is the arbiter in all 
 trivial disputes, the soother of all jarring 
 and discord, the explainer of all misunder- 
 standings, and, in short, the mainspring of 
 the machinery by which social and domestic 
 happiness is constantly "supplied, both in 
 her household, and within the circle she 
 adorns. 
 
 We cannot, perhaps, better deserve the 
 effect of moral atmosphere upon the mind, 
 than by that of a pleasant or unpleasant day, 
 
 spent in the country, upon the bodily frame. 
 Upon the health and spirits of some individu- 
 als the weather has, at all times, a powerful 
 effect ; but while earnestly pursuing our ac- 
 customed avocations, more especially as 
 they are now generally pursued in busy 
 towns, we have little time to think about 
 the weather, or to yield ourselves to the sen- 
 sations it is calculated to excite. But when 
 we go out from home for the purpose of en- 
 joying an excursion, the case is widely dif- 
 ferent With a cold east wind blowing full 
 in our faces, and a thick canopy of clouds 
 obscuring the sun, we look in vain for beauty 
 or gladness, either in the earth or sky, and, 
 sinking into a gloomy sort of silence, we 
 think only of the rheumatism which seems 
 to be twitching at every limb, of the friend 
 we have left behind as the only companion 
 we really cared for, or of the clothing and 
 provisions we have happened to bring as 
 being the least suitable in every respect for a 
 cold day in the country. Arrived at the 
 place of destination, our feet are benumbed 
 with cold the grass is yet damp with the last 
 night's rain a general shivering, with an 
 impulse to get away, creeps over us we 
 grow caustic and bitter in our remark?, and 
 finally end the day with the commencement 
 of a severe cold. 
 
 When the same party precisely the same 
 in number, character, and means of enjoy- 
 ment set out on the same excursion in beau- 
 tiful weather, how different are their bodily 
 sensations, and consequently the tone of 
 every mind ! The scenery through which 
 they pass is the same in every respect, ex- 
 cept that the atmosphere is changed. A balmy 
 air breathes over them, laden with the odors 
 of fresh opening flowers sunshine smiles 
 upon every object and, as they pass along, 
 vexations, disappointments, and drawbacks 
 to enjoyment, are all forgotten. What if the 
 friend who had promised to accompany them 
 be left behind 1 They feel no want of him. 
 What if their viands are the homeliest or the 
 least approved 1 Their appetites, sharpened 
 beyond their usual vigor, are equal to the pro- 
 vision made for them, whatever that may be-
 
 AUTHORITY, INFLUENCE, AND EXAMPLE. 
 
 19 
 
 As to rheumatism, they forget that ever it 
 assailed their peace, while influenza and 
 ague are calamities the mention of which 
 awakens only a smile. It is especially on 
 such days that charity abounds that benevo- 
 lence embraces those whom it would have 
 spurned before that ambition, wealth, and 
 fame, become as nothing in comparison with 
 good-humor and good- will ; and all things 
 being blended happily together by the magical 
 influence of what is called a pleasant day, the 
 party return to their homes with health and 
 energies renewed, and not unfrequently both 
 better and wiser than when they first went 
 out 
 
 It must be remembered that the sensations 
 here described are continued only for a day ; 
 whereas those with whom we live, and espe- 
 cially those with whom we associate in early 
 life, affect us by their influence and example 
 perhaps for many years. 
 
 I repeat, then, it is to woman that we look 
 for so directing the various capabilities with 
 which she is naturally endowed, as to create 
 around her a moral atmosphere, as powerful 
 in its effect upon the mind, as that which has 
 just been described is upon the body, and con- 
 sequently upon both. 
 
 Much has been said, and justly, of the im- 
 portance, to women, of good talents and well- 
 cultivated minds ; yet it must be allowed 
 that not always do the wisest women nor, 
 unfortunately, the most pious make the best 
 mothers. A simple, straight-forward charac- 
 ter, will sometimes evince infinitely more skill 
 in the management of children than some of 
 those whose minds are stored with systems 
 of education. The fact is, these systems, 
 unless naturally and appropriately conduct- 
 ed, are not intelligible to children. The aim 
 and object of the mother remains a mystery 
 to them while they distinctly feel, and long 
 remember, all that is disagreeable in the mode 
 of administering the elaborate, and to them 
 incomprehensible, discipline to which they are 
 subjected. 
 
 The wisest women are not always best ac- 
 quainted with the language of infant thought, 
 nor is it the most pious who are quickest to 
 
 detect the indications of peculiar character 
 and temperament in early life. It is a la- 
 mentable fact, that half the excellent advice 
 of good people addressed to children, as well 
 as to the illiterate and the poor, falls from 
 their lips unheeded, for want of being adapt- 
 ed to the understandings and habits of their 
 hearers. " To-morrow is rny birthday," said 
 a little girl of my acquaintance to a friend 
 who had placed her on his knee. " Shall I 
 come and help you to keep it 7" asked the 
 gentleman. " Oh !" replied the child, with 
 the utmost astonishment, " we don't keep it 
 It goes away again directly." Now, if, in so 
 common and familiar an expression as that 
 of keeping a birthday, there could be so total 
 a want of understanding betwixt the two 
 parties referred to, how often must such 
 misapprehensions take place on subjects less 
 familiar, and in themselves less comprehen- 
 sible, to the young ! 
 
 It is thus that the highly gifted, whose 
 ideas are accustomed to flow through lofty 
 or intricate channels, so often fail to produce 
 the anticipated results in their tuition of the 
 young ; while persons with common abilities 
 and simplicity of character are frequently 
 able to engage their attention and obtain 
 their confidence, simply from the fact of their 
 being understood. Thus, then, we clearly 
 perceive, that in our means of conveying in- 
 struction to children, there must be a certain 
 degree of adaptation to the germs of thought 
 and feeling already beginning to unfold them- 
 selves in their characters. There must be 
 adaptation to their half-formed impressions, 
 and to the limited scope of their ideas, in or- 
 der to our certainty that their mental facul- 
 ties are going along with us in our efforts to 
 impart instruction. 
 
 But far beyond this, is our endeavors to 
 obtain influence, is the power of sympathizing 
 with those whom we would instruct or 
 guide ; and in this instance, above all others, 
 we see that from her natural endowments, 
 especially from her capability both for pro- 
 found and lively sympathy, woman is admi- 
 rably fitted for the part she has to fill in social 
 life. If influence be the secret of her power,
 
 20 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 sympathy is the secret of her influence sym- 
 pathy with nature in its trials, temptations, 
 sufferings, and enjoyment, experienced in a 
 degree far beyond what man is either fitted 
 for, or capable of affording. 
 
 It is of the highest importance, too, that 
 this sympathy should be exhibited through 
 the medium of tenderness, so as to inspire a 
 confidence on the part of the young, in the 
 mother's undeviating desire to promote their 
 happiness. A single suspicion that she pre- 
 fers her own good to that of others but, 
 above all, that she prefers giving pain to giv- 
 ing pleasure, or finding fault to expressing 
 approbation, is just so much weight taken 
 from her good influence just so much im- 
 pulse given to rebellion or contempt 
 
 How beautiful, then, in its adaptation to 
 the situation in which she is placed, and the 
 duties she has to perform, is that instinct of 
 maternal love, which, from its intensity and 
 depth, its all-pervading and inextinguishable 
 vitality, so lives and breathes through every 
 act, thought, word, and look of the fond mo- 
 ther, that sooner would her infant doubt its 
 own existence, than question that of her un- 
 tiring love ! And, thanks be to the Author of 
 all our blessings ! this unbounded supply, 
 which no reasoning and no power of mere 
 human agency could create, is never want- 
 ing in the mother's hour of need. That she 
 has her hodr of need, none can dispute, who 
 know any thing of the care of infancy and 
 childhood. Yes ; she has it in sickness, 
 when her feeble strength is exhausted, and 
 yet she watches on. She has it in poverty, 
 when hunger craves the bread she is break- 
 ing into little eager hands. She has it when, 
 night after night, she is called up from her 
 downy pillow to still the impatient cry. She 
 has it when, in after years, there comes not 
 the full measure of affection which she had 
 expended back into her own bosom. And 
 she has it when disease has crushed the 
 beauty of her opening flower, or when she 
 looks into the casket of her infant's mind, and 
 finds that the gem is wanting there. Yet, 
 under all these circumstances, when money 
 cannot bribe attention, when friendship can- 
 
 not purchase care, when entreaties cannot 
 ensure the necessary aid, the mother is rich 
 in resources and untiring in effort, simply 
 because her love is of that kind which cannot 
 fail. 
 
 To a certain extent and would that for 
 the sake of kind but injudicious mothers it 
 were further than it is the mere conviction 
 of this love existing in the mother's heart 
 will ensure a corresponding degree of influ- 
 ence. But no sooner do children begin to 
 think, to compare, and to judge for them- 
 selves and they are sometimes better judges 
 than we suppose no sooner do they begin 
 to form an estimate of their mother's mind, 
 of her sense or her want of sense, than these 
 ideas mix themselves with that of her affec- 
 tion, and her influence is then submitted to a 
 new, and infinitely more trying test 
 
 Children seldom love long those whom 
 they are unable to respect, and thus a fond 
 and foolish mother invariably brings upon 
 herself the neglect, and often the contempt 
 of her family. I knew a fine boy, just 
 emerging from childhood, who- whispered 
 to a little playmate the discovery he had 
 made, that his mother was, to use his own 
 expression, " quite a simpleton." The min- 
 gling of tenderness with shame, in the man- 
 ner in which he communicated this lamenta- 
 ble fact, did honor both to his head and 
 heart; and could the mother have known 
 or understood the melancholy blank which 
 succeeded to the warmest admiration in the 
 mind of her boy, and the hard struggles he 
 had afterwards to wage betwixt his affection 
 and his contempt, she would surely have re- 
 gretted, even if she had done nothing more, 
 the many opportunities which had been 
 wasted in early life, for cultivating her un- 
 derstanding, and rendering her talents more 
 worthy of respect. 
 
 There must then be a blending of confi- 
 dence with esteem in the feelings of the child, 
 in order to ensure a lasting influence to the 
 mother of confidence founded upon a con- 
 viction of her sympathy and love, and of es- 
 teem for her own character, both in an in- 
 tellectual and moral point of view.
 
 AUTHORITY, INFLUENCE, AND EXAMPLE. 
 
 21 
 
 On the subject of example, much more re- 
 mains to be said, when that of religious in- 
 fluence shall come under consideration ; but 
 it is, perhaps, most in keeping with the ob- 
 servations already made, to remind the read- 
 er here, that there is a bad, as well as a good 
 influence that influence there must be, of 
 one kind or other, arising out of the close 
 connection and constant association of the 
 mother and the child ; and that where good 
 sense and good principle, are wanting in the 
 mother's conduct, the absence of these essen- 
 tials to good influence, especially the latter, 
 will, in all probability, tell upon the characters 
 of her children in after life to an alarming 
 extent. In vain might such a mother train 
 her children according to the most approved 
 and best established rules. In vain might 
 she admonish them, though in the language 
 of sincerity and love. In vain might she lay 
 down for them a system of the purest mor- 
 als, or even preach to them a holier law de- 
 rived from the Bible itself. The unsophisti- 
 cated mind, and clear discriminating eye of 
 childhood, are not to be thus deceived. Long 
 before a child knows how to make use of the 
 words consistency and truth, it possesses a 
 discerning spirit, to perceive where consis- 
 tency is deviated from, where truth is vio- 
 lated ; and when this is the case in the con- 
 duct of the mother, what hold can she pos- 
 sibly have upon the confidence and esteem 
 of her children] 
 
 We should remember, too, that impres- 
 sions are with children the data from which 
 they afterwards reason ; and long before they 
 are capable of what may be strictly denomi- 
 nated conviction, they have in all probability 
 received impressions never to be effaced. 
 Could we look into the mind of a child, and 
 examine the tablet of its memory, we should 
 see by that faithful record, that each day had 
 produced a particular set of impressions, 
 even at a very early age. We discover this 
 from their prattle in their waking hours, and 
 often from the image which evidently flits be- 
 fore their mental vision, when they lie down 
 to sleep. It is, therefore, by impressions 
 chiefly, that the mother has to work ; and 
 
 well is it for her, and for all who have to do 
 with the management of children, if, while 
 delivering lectures to them upon what is 
 right and wrong, they do not receive the im- 
 pression that it is very tedious and very dis- 
 agreeable to be instructed how to be good. 
 Well too, if, while the mother is most careful 
 to instil into their minds by verbal instruction, 
 all manner of good principles, they do not, 
 from her conduct, receive the impression 
 that these things may be well enough for lit- 
 tle boys and girls, but that one of the great 
 privileges of men and women is to be able 
 to do without them. Yet, if such be the 
 power of influence on the side of bad exam- 
 ple, what must it be where there exists a 
 perfect harmony between the character and 
 conduct of the mother, and the lessons she 
 endeavors to inculcate ; or rather, where the 
 lessons themselves, few, and short, and per- 
 fectly adapted to the understanding of child- 
 hood, are but a commentary upon her own 
 life, and that of her husband 1 
 
 So much has been said, and so beautifully, 
 on the subject of female influence, in a work 
 entitled " Woman's Mission," that were I to 
 yield to the temptation of quoting from its 
 eloquent pages, I might easily be led on to 
 transcribe the whole. I will, however, con- 
 tent myself with a passage from a French 
 writer,* whose authority is frequently referred 
 to in that volume, where he says, " It is of 
 the utmost consequence to remark, that in 
 children, sentiment precedes intelligence ; 
 the first answer to the maternal smile is 
 the first dawn - of intelligence; the first 
 sensation is the responding caress. Com- 
 prehension begins in feeling ; hence, to 
 her who first arouses the feelings, who first 
 awakens the tenderness, must belong the 
 happiest influences. She is not, however, to 
 teach virtue, but to inspire it. This is pecu- 
 liarly the province of woman. What she 
 wishes us to be. she begins by making us 
 love, and love begets unconscious imitation. 
 What is a child in relation to a tutor 7 An 
 ignorant being whom he is called upon to in- 
 
 * Amie Martin.
 
 22 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 struct What is a child in relation to a mo- 
 ther ? An immortal being, whose soul it is 
 her business to train for immortality. Good 
 schoolmasters make good scholars, good 
 mothers make good men ; here is the differ- 
 ence of their missions." 
 
 Few subjects are more hackneyed, or more 
 common to all writers, than that of maternal 
 influence. Perhaps it may be one of those, 
 which, admitting of no question, and incapa- 
 ble of arousing systematic opposition, wants 
 the interest of perpetual excitement, which 
 party feeling gives to so many others less 
 worthy of regard. It is not, like too much 
 of the religion of the world, kept alive by the 
 activity of contention for those points upon 
 which it is possible to disagree, and only dor- 
 mant with regard to others upon which all 
 are of one mind ; for on the subject of ma- 
 ternal influence, nature, reason, and religion 
 speak ever the same language, and would 
 equally disown a violation of this great moral 
 law. Yet as a strange anomaly presented 
 by human life, there are women, and kind 
 and well-meaning women too, who seem not 
 to be aware that the sacred name of mother 
 entails upon them an amount of responsibility 
 proportioned to the influence which it places 
 in their hands. There are mothers, and not 
 a few, who appear to consider themselves 
 called upon to do any thing, rather than at- 
 tend to the training of their children ; who 
 find time for morning calls, when they have 
 none for the nursery or the school-room ; and 
 even make the dresses of their infants, rather 
 than answer questions dictated by their open- 
 ing minds. 
 
 It has often been said that no man, how- 
 ever depraved or vicious, need be utterly 
 despaired of, with whom his mother's in- 
 fluence still lingers on the side of virtue. 
 On the couch of sickness, the battle-field, and 
 even the gloomy scaffold, it is the image of 
 his mother which still haunts the memory of 
 the dying man ; and in the hour of strong 
 temptation, when guilty comrades urge the 
 treacherous or the bloody deed, it is to forget 
 the warning of his mother's voice, that the 
 half-persuaded victim drinks a deeper draught 
 
 If in scenes like these a mother's influence 
 is the last preserving link, how sweetly does 
 it operate when life is new, and experience 
 yet unsullied by any deep or lasting stains ! 
 How sweetly does it operate, like a kind of 
 second conscience, more tender, more forgiv- 
 ing, yet still more appealing than the first, in 
 all those minor perplexities and trials of hu- 
 man life, where judgment, bribed by inclina- 
 tion, would persuade the unpractised travel- 
 ler that the most flowery path must surely 
 be the best ! It is in the beginning, and the 
 end of evil, that this power, though often un- 
 seen, and purely spiritual, operates with a 
 potency peculiarly its own in the beginning, 
 to win us back by that simple and habitual 
 reference of a child to what would have been 
 its mother's choice ; and in the end, by that 
 last lingering of expiring hope that hover- 
 ing, as it were, around our pillow, of some 
 kind angel, reminding us at once of the ten- 
 derness of earthly love, and qf the efficacy 
 of that which is divine. 
 
 There seems to be connected with the hu- 
 man mind, and almost essential to its wants 
 in this probationary state, an idea of the pro- 
 tection of some guardian spirit always near, 
 whose peculiar care we have the happiness 
 to be ; and the closest resemblance we find 
 in reality to this consoling and delightful 
 thought, is the influence of a mother, often 
 felt more powerfully when absent, than when 
 under the inspection of her ever watchful eye. 
 Nor can change of scene or lapse of time 
 obliterate the impression, simply because it 
 - was the first, and made at a time when the 
 heart was a tender and willing recipient to 
 the impress of affection. Thus it visits the 
 rude sailor on the stormy deep, in the long 
 watches of the night ; it travels with the pil- 
 grim through the desert, and cheers him in 
 the stranger's home ; and if it does not check 
 the man of worldly calculations when tempt- 
 ed to defraud, it sometimes brings him, on his 
 couch of nightly rest, to question whether he 
 has done right It gives music to the voice 
 of fame, when it echoes on a mother's ear ; 
 sweetness to the bridal wreath, when a mo- 
 ther binds it on a daughter's brow ; honor to
 
 THE USE OF A MIND. 
 
 23 
 
 the dignity, a mother showed us how to 
 wear ; and value to the wealth, a mother 
 taught us how to use. 
 
 I speak not from experience, for to me the 
 precious link was broken before I felt its 
 power, or could appreciate its worth ; but if 
 an aching want of that which nature pines 
 for, if a dim vision of unseen beauty haunt- 
 ing perpetually the path of life, if a standard 
 of perfect though unknown excellence im- 
 parting stability and form to the hope of its 
 existence on earth ; if all these give a title 
 to describe the value of a mother's influence, 
 then, from the recollections of a desolate 
 childhood, uncherished by maternal tender- 
 ness, surely I may speak, and not in vain. 
 
 CHAPTER HI, 
 
 THE USE OF A MIND. 
 
 IT is me fashion of the present day to di- 
 rect every means, and to force every effort, 
 to some obvious and immediate result. Thus 
 education has come to be regarded as a pro- 
 cess by which the mind is filled, rather than 
 one by which it is exercised in the use of its 
 faculties. 
 
 Education is also too frequently considered 
 as a thing which can be compressed into 
 almost any given space of time, by dint of 
 labor and industry; and thus parents who 
 indulge a foolish ambition to see their chil- 
 dren pushed on to be clever, make it a prac- 
 tice to stipulate, in sending them to school, 
 that they shall learn every thing within the 
 compass of human attainment, except how 
 to use their minds. They complain, too, 
 sometimes, of the high terms of education ; 
 and various modes of bargaining, and bring- 
 ing down those of the different schools to 
 which they apply, are resorted to, with little 
 compunction on the part of parents. Yet 
 when we consider the situation of those who 
 have to receive under their care children 
 who have scarcely been prepared for the 
 process of instruction by one useful habit, or 
 
 one rational idea ; when we consider, too, 
 that in the course of a very few years, per- 
 haps two or three, the habits they have ac- 
 quired have to be uprooted, an entirely new 
 foundation of moral and intellectual char- 
 acter laid, and upon this a superstructure 
 erected, composed of every branch of learn- 
 ing, and adorned with every accomplish- 
 ment, and all this with but slender capacity 
 on the part of the child, and no desire what- 
 ever to be any thing but well dressed, well 
 fed, and exceedingly comfortable ; I would 
 ask, what money could repay the labor of 
 converting a succession of such children, year 
 after year, into what are called highly edu- 
 cated men and women] And even if by dint 
 of indefatigable effort on the part of those 
 who teach, there should now and then be one 
 child sent home with a memory loaded to 
 excess nay, literally crammed with names 
 and dates, and all that is comprised under 
 the head of school-learning how few, even 
 out of this small number, find, in the com- 
 mon walks of life, a use for half the acquire- 
 ments they have so laboriously attained ! 
 
 I speak not as wishing to reduce the com- 
 pass of human learning within a narrower 
 circle than it fills at present Far from it 
 My idea is, that we never can learn too much, 
 provided that in the acquirement of one thing, 
 we do not neglect another more important ; 
 and there will always be, among the many, 
 some minds sufficiently gifted and compre- 
 hensive to profit by and repay an extreme 
 amount of culture. But in confining my 
 remarks, as I still wish they should be un- 
 derstood, chiefly to persons of the middle 
 class in Great Britain, one half of whom, 
 supposing society to be divided only into 
 three parts, are connected more or less with 
 business, and subject to all the variety of cir- 
 cumstance which that association entails ; I 
 confess I do not see how the mere acquire- 
 ment of learning, as generally taught in 
 schools, is an indispensable requisite. In- 
 deed, I should have supposed that the use 
 of the faculty of observation in common 
 things, the exercise of ingenuity, and the 
 gradual introduction to the understanding of
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 botany, chemistry, mechanism, and natural 
 history in general, with an habitual readiness 
 in the use of resources, and the application 
 of means to ends, would have been a kind 
 of training, especially if connected with half 
 the amount of school-learning usually bar- 
 gained for, quite as likely to make clever 
 merchants, and men of business, as well as 
 clever mistresses of families, as that system 
 of education which confines all learning to 
 what may be stored in the memory, and ac- 
 quired from books. 
 
 In the use of a mind, it is very evident 
 that those who teach in schools can have 
 little opportunity for conveying instruction. 
 Their sphere of observation is necessarily 
 limited ; each day presents objects little differ- 
 ing from the last ; and all those unexpected 
 and novel events which excite interest and 
 inquiry in a private family, it is the aim of 
 school-discipline to prevent, lest the attention 
 of the pupils should be diverted, and lessons 
 consequently hindered by interruption. 
 
 The use of a mind, however, is just that 
 important part of education which a mother 
 is BO circumstanced as to be the one only 
 being to teach with facility and success. 
 There are few fathers who have it in thehr 
 power to do more than advise and direct in 
 the education of their children ; but the mo- 
 ther has a twofold advantage in her presence 
 in the midst of her family, and in the natural 
 influence she exercises over the minds of her 
 children. Oh \ but the mothers of England 
 are too busy in the present day. There is 
 really so much to be done for the public good, 
 so many subscriptions to be raised, so many 
 charities to be attended to, so many public 
 meetings, committees, and societies of every 
 description to be kept up, that in large towns 
 especially, the mother has literally no time 
 absolutely none to attend to the instruction 
 of her own children. 
 
 Perhaps it never enters into the minds of 
 these excellent ladies, that a little more pri- 
 vate good done to the individuals immediate- 
 ly under their care, would prevent a great 
 deal pf their public charity being required 
 that a little more training of children to meet 
 
 their circumstances whatever they may be, 
 to act with consideration to others, to con- 
 trive, to economize, to manage, and to be 
 contented and cheerful in their appointed lot, 
 would prevent much of the extravagance, 
 helplessness, and misery which exist in the 
 world. 
 
 I appeal to those who have had much to 
 do with the poor and the destitute, and I ask, 
 whether the most trying cases which have 
 %ome under their notice, have not generally 
 arisen from the sufferings of the well-meaning, 
 and the helpless 1 This portion of the com- 
 munity seem doomed to be trampled upon by 
 the designing and the wicked ; and though 
 far from wishing to keep back the smallest 
 mite that may be passing into public channels 
 for their good, yet I feel assured we should 
 do more for their ultimate benefit, by teaching 
 to children, and through them, as they grow 
 up, to servants and dependents, the readiest 
 means of turning all common things to the 
 best account, than by collecting thousands 
 upon thousands for the relief of the distressed. 
 
 The nature of the present times, the con- 
 dition of our country, the frequent downfall 
 of the rich from affluence and ease, and the 
 uncertainty on every hand of greater stability 
 in the interests of trade and commerce, are 
 powerful calls upon the mothers of England, 
 to turn their attention more earnestly to the 
 preparation of individual character for such 
 private and social revolutions, as there ap- 
 pears every reason to anticipate. 
 
 It is urged by some women, that they have 
 their evening parties, and their morning calls, 
 to attend to ; by others, that they have their 
 domestic arrangements ; by a vast number, 
 that they have not health to contend with 
 children ; and by still more, that they have 
 not ability. To ask such women why they 
 happened to get married, is an impertinence 
 one is rather tempted to commit ; for if at- 
 tending to morning calls, or even visiting, be 
 the paramount duty of life, a single woman 
 might certainly discharge this duty, with 
 more propriety, and with less hindrance, 
 than a married one. If the management of 
 a house be urged as more important than the
 
 THE USE OF A MIND. 
 
 25 
 
 management of an immortal mind, the situa- 
 tion of a housekeeper would have been more 
 suitable than that of a wife or a mother to the 
 woman who offers this excuse. The plea of 
 want of ability is a strong condemnation to 
 her who did not find this out in time ; and 
 that of want of health, though, unlike the oth- 
 ers, deserving tenderness and sympathy, af- 
 fords no reason for entire exemption except 
 in extreme cases ; because a mother's influ- 
 ence, if once established, is often known to 
 operate beneficially, even when she herself 
 is confined to a couch of sickness. 
 
 There is in reality scarcely any thing which 
 ought to stand in the way of a mother's con- 
 stant and strict attention to the training of 
 her children ; because she is in reality the 
 person whose influence over them is the 
 most powerful ; and whatever school she may 
 select for them, whatever teachers she may 
 choose, she is the person in whose hands their 
 mental and spiritual welfare is placed. 
 
 Since then there is no escape from this im- 
 perative duty, let us ask w r hat are the par- 
 ticular advantages and facilities for discharg- 
 ing it, which the mother enjoys beyond oth- 
 ers 1 In the first place, she begins with the 
 unbounded affection of her children an af- 
 fection which sees her beautiful, and believes 
 her perfect; which questions not the wisdom 
 that flows from her lips, and still less can 
 doubt the truth of what she tells. What oth- 
 er teacher of youth, I would ask, can begin 
 the process of education with these advanta- 
 ges ? Instead then of leaving it to others to 
 do, what she is sometimes glad of any plea to 
 escape from, she ought to thank God, and 
 take courage, that her confessedly arduous 
 undertaking has thus been rendered compar- 
 atively easy by the dispensations of an all- 
 wise Creator. 
 
 If, like the governess, the mother had to 
 begin with strangeness, and perhaps with re- 
 pulsion, how different would her situation be ! 
 She would then have to feel her way, to win 
 by watchfulness and care every inch of 
 ground, and to study infant characteristics, 
 as well as to disguise her own, in order to 
 obtain the slightest influence. But happily 
 
 for the mother, her children love her as she 
 is. Her kiss could not be more welcome, if 
 her cheek was that of Hebe, nor could the 
 wisdom of a Socrates inspire them with great- 
 er respect than they feel for hers. How cru- 
 el then to her children, and how negligent 
 of this beautiful provision made by Divine 
 Providence, both for them and for her, is that 
 shrinking from, or that indifference on the 
 part of the mother to a duty which nature so 
 evidently points out as hers ; and that will- 
 ing consigning of her children's early edu- 
 cation to those who begin the task, and most 
 frequently pursue it to the end, under circum- 
 stances so much less favorable. 
 
 But after all, the duty of education is one 
 which cannot be deputed to another in very 
 early life, unless the mother entirely absents 
 herself, or becomes a mere nonentity in the 
 nursery. The process of education is going 
 on every day, because the infant mind is 
 every day receiving impressions, learning to 
 compare, and gradually maturing in every 
 way ; and as a child naturally loves its 
 mother best, it will receive from her the 
 deepest and most lasting of those impres- 
 sions, which are to give a bias to its charac- 
 ter, and perhaps ^eventually determine its 
 destiny for this world and the next There 
 is then no escape. Neglect may tell upon 
 the character, as well as care ; and since the 
 mother must be the one responsible being as 
 regards her child, why not set about in 
 earnest, and with cheerfulness and hope, the 
 task of teaching it, in the first place, how to 
 use its own mind 1 
 
 Inspired by a laudable desire to be the 
 early, and perhaps the sole instructors of their 
 children, some well-meaning and industrious 
 mothers begin with lettered cards and books, 
 to teach the first rudiments of spelling and 
 reading, before their children are capable of 
 attaching a single right idea to the words 
 they read ; and it often happens that those 
 parents who are the most sparing, and the 
 least apt, in the communication of their own 
 ideas, are the most solicitous about their chil- 
 dren being taught to read at the earliest pos- 
 sible period of capability. Such parents seem
 
 26 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 to have overlooked the fact, that there is very 
 little exercise of the mind in simply learning 
 to read ; though the demands which are thus 
 made upon attention, patience, and memory, 
 are a little too exorbitant, and certainly such 
 as never can repay either the teacher or the 
 taught, by an amount of success at all pro- 
 portioned to the labor and the pain of their 
 endeavors. 
 
 But why, when the mother has such ex- 
 quisite materials to work with, as the love 
 and the confidence of her child, with its quick 
 sensibility to enjoyment why does she not 
 begin to work with these materials, so as to 
 introduce ideas at once to its mind, and then 
 to affix to such ideas their appropriate signs 1 
 By teaching the signs of ideas first, we re- 
 verse the order of nature, and convert into a 
 j task of painful and herculean toil, that which 
 might be rendered by the mother a source of 
 perpetual interest and enjoyment 
 
 The memory, too, may be easily impressed 
 by those who carefully watch the best oppor- 
 tunity of conveying instruction to the young ; 
 because whatever we can be made feelingly 
 to comprehend, we distinctly remember ; and 
 thus the mother, through the medium of her 
 own sympathies, and the affections of her 
 child, enjoys an advantage over all other 
 preceptors. Whatever also strikes the senses 
 in a forcible manner, makes a vivid impres- 
 sion upon the mind, so as to be long remem- 
 bered. From this principle the method of 
 teaching as at present pursued in infant 
 schools, derives its power and efficacy ; and 
 from the same principle it is, that home- 
 education possesses in many respects so 
 decided a superiority over that of schools. 
 
 Let us for a moment imagine the case^of a 
 mother and her child, gazing, for the firs 
 time in the experience of the latter, upon the 
 phenomena of a thunder-storm. The chile 
 feels no alarm as the brilliant flashes of light 
 ning follow each other in quick succession 
 because it is accustomed to think that safety 
 dwells beside its mother. It therefore watches 
 them with astonishment and delight ; am 
 during the intervals, the mother teaches it, 
 that the vivid and sudden light which illu- 
 
 ninates both heaven and earth at the same 
 nstant, is called a flash of lighting. 
 
 Now compare this method of instruction 
 vith that which is most frequently adopted ; 
 nd imagine a little child poring over a spell- 
 ng-book, spreading its rosy hand upon the 
 >age, and with contracted brow, and anxious 
 ye, alternately attempting to spell a discon- 
 nected mass of words off the book, and then 
 >eeping again at the unintelligible and elab- 
 orate meaning given to each short word, as 
 f ter render it less comprehensible than when 
 t stood alone. Perhaps the word is flash, 
 :he meaning of which is painfully hammered 
 out, or probably explained by the teacher, 
 where the child is too young to " learn mean- 
 ngs." But what impression is such expla- 
 nation likely to make in this instance, when 
 the poor little sufferer, with its strained atten- 
 tion, has next to be questioned in flat, flask, 
 and some dozen other words, each as differ- 
 iit from the last in meaning and association 
 as it is possible to be. 
 
 It is as little likely that the child in the 
 latter instance should remember the significa- 
 tion and use of the word flash, as it is that it 
 should forget it in the former, while associated 
 with that wonderful evening, when it stood 
 protected by its mother's arms, and looked 
 out upon the world, all darkness and gloom 
 at one moment, all brilliance and light the 
 next I say nothing here of the more expan- 
 sive and complex idea of a thunder-storm 
 being introduced to the mind of the child, 
 because I have supposed it too young for 
 such an extent of intelligence ; but the same 
 principle, I am persuaded, would hold good 
 throughout and save a world of trouble to 
 those who should afterwards undertake the 
 education of children prepared in this man- 
 ner for being sent to school. Indeed, it is 
 impossible to say to what important, or \vha 
 trifling matters, all coming under the cogni- 
 zance of the mother, this principle may no 
 be applied. I knew a little boy, very dull a 
 his letters, yet very quick to make observa- 
 tions upon cause and effect who, long before 
 he could speak plainly, walked one day beside 
 his mother in perfect silence, looking earnestly
 
 THE USE OP A MIXD. 
 
 27 
 
 at her feet. At last he said, in his broken 
 language, " One foot goes, while tudder foot 
 stops." Here then was an opportunity for 
 the mother to give her boy a lesson of far 
 more value than many pages in a book of 
 spelling, or of reading made easy. She might, 
 and she possibly did, set him to raise his 
 weight from the ground by lifting both feet 
 at once ; and at the same time she might 
 explain to him in a manner which he never 
 would forget, the meaning and application of 
 the words step, icalk, run, jump, with many 
 others, which he would have been months in 
 learning as a common lesson. 
 
 To the observation of the boy upon his 
 mother's feet, that one stopped while the 
 other went on, a nurse-maid would in all 
 probability have replied " To be sure it 
 does : what a silly boy you are !" and here 
 would have been an end of the matter. The 
 general incapacity of servants to convey use- 
 ful information with regard to common things, 
 makes it sometimes a subject of astonish- 
 ment, that mothers should so seldom walk 
 out with their children ; because it is chiefly 
 in their walks that their attention is struck 
 by new objects, and their curiosity in conse- 
 quence awakened. Even where the attend- 
 ance of a governess is substituted for that of 
 a nurse, the case is not always much better ; 
 because none but a mother can love a child 
 well enough to be always teaching it. The 
 governess, of course, will have stipulated 
 that when school-hours are over, she shall 
 have nothing more to do in the way of in- 
 struction : and even if it be agreed upon, 
 that she shall walk out with the children, 
 who shall assert a right to deprive her of al- 
 most the only luxury permitted to a govern- 
 ss the luxury of her own thoughts "! Thus, 
 while the child is asking whether the same 
 Dutterflies will come again next spring, she 
 is probably thinking of a letter she has re- 
 ceived that morning, telling her that the ves- 
 sel in which her brother sailed has been lost 
 at sea. 
 
 Above all other means of instruction, that 
 
 of easy and familiar conversation is the most 
 
 ffectual in the general tone it gives to the 
 
 habits of thinking, observing, and communi- 
 cating ideas in a family ; and who is so ca- 
 pable of using this means as a mother? 
 Who but a mother can love her children well 
 enough to be always ready and willing to 
 convert every incident that may occur in the 
 nursery, or around the household hearth, 
 into a medium for the enlargement of the 
 sphere of thought, the correction of error, or 
 the establishment of truth 7 It is a subject 
 worthy of being taken into consideration, 
 that childhood, unlike mature age, is pos- 
 sessed with an almost untiring relish for the 
 repetition of the same facts which have af- 
 forded interest again and again ; and thus a 
 favorite old story is often called for by the 
 listening group, in preference to any thing 
 new. We should wonder at this peculiarity 
 in childhood, if we were not accustomed to 
 see in all, even the most minute among the 
 laws of nature, a beneficent design, by which 
 preparation is made for a future state of be- 
 ing ; and here, in the demand of the child 
 for a narrative which has often been repeated, 
 we recognize a provision for impressing the 
 plastic nature of its mind and feelings, with 
 fact; which shall never be effaced. But who, 
 I would ask again, except a mother, can bear 
 to answer these demands? Who else will 
 relate a story for the hundredth time as 
 freshly as when first it was told 1 Who else 
 will patiently sit by the bedside of the child, 
 repeating its favorite hymns] Who else 
 will awake in the silent hours of the night, 
 to converse about the unseen Being who 
 protects the world, and keeps watch over 
 the little infant on its couch of rest ? 
 
 It is a commonly acknowledged fact, that 
 half the fears of grown-up people, and far 
 more than half the fears of children, arise 
 from their ignorance. Well-educated women, 
 or at least such as are popularly called so, 
 are often found in this respect too closely to 
 resemble children ; for their ignorance of ma- 
 chinery, of the habits of animals, and of nat- 
 ural philosophy in general, subjects them to 
 innumerable misapprehensions, of which, it 
 is humbling to observe, they are sometimes 
 rather proud than ashamed. With children
 
 J- 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 the case is very different, because it is no 
 fault of theirs that they do not understand 
 what they have never had an opportunity of 
 hearing explained. In their walks with the 
 nurse-maid, they have probably been severe- 
 ly chidden when they have exhibited symp- 
 toms of fear, and told that the cow only ran 
 after naughty boys and girls ; or that the roar- 
 ing steam-engine which terrified them so 
 much, was a very good engine, because it car- 
 ried people to London to see the pretty sights. 
 Beyond such explanations as these, the in- 
 telligence of the nurse too seldom extends. 
 Besides which, we must not fail to observe, 
 that in these and similar instances, the sen- 
 sation of fear has taken possession of the 
 child before the explanation, such as it is, 
 can take effect ; and thus the impression of 
 danger remains to be stronger in its memory 
 than its subsequent impression of the justice 
 of the cow, or the benevolence of the steam- 
 engine. 
 
 What I am particularly anxious to urge 
 upon the attention of mothers, is the import- 
 ance of making just impressions first ; and I 
 am persuaded that by the means of easy, 
 and, at the same time, instructive conversa- 
 tion, this may to a great extent be done, so 
 that when the object which would otherwise 
 have been one of terror, does present itself, 
 the child may be prepared to receive it under 
 more favorable impressions than those of fear ; 
 and even where, as must necessarily be the 
 case, the object is such as it has never heard 
 of before, the child who has been in the habit 
 of receiving well-timed and judicious infor- 
 mation from its mother, will be preserved 
 from a variety of painful apprehensions, by a 
 general impression that every thing in nature 
 and art has its particular use ; and that even 
 the most powerful agents of which it can 
 form a notion, are not put in action by any 
 malignity of their own, but are overruled for 
 some good purpose, and often made con- 
 ducive to the greatest benefit to man. 
 
 The feeling of trust and confidence which 
 such a mode of instruction is calculated to 
 inspire, belongs more to a subsequent chap- 
 ter than to this. Yet, as our trust in general 
 
 is intimately connected with our impressions 
 of truth, it is necessary to observe, that it is 
 chiefly upon its confidence in the combined 
 wisdom and sincerity of its mother, that the 
 child depends for security, in spite often of 
 the effect produced by external objects upon 
 its senses ; and that it is the character of the 
 mother, taken as a whole, to which it mental- 
 ly refers when surprised into an apprehen- 
 sion of danger from a cause which it cannot 
 understand. A calm and self-possessed mo- 
 ther, welcoming cheerfully the commop in- 
 cidents of life, has much in her power in the 
 way of preserving her children from needless 
 fears ; and if, in addition to this self-posses- 
 sion, she adds the resources of a well-stored 
 mind, opportunities will never be wanting for 
 teaching them why they have no cause to be 
 afraid. 
 
 Although a comparison is generally allow- 
 ed betwixt painting and music, as sources of 
 gratification adapted to a high degree of taste 
 and feeling, yet, in their actual utility, they 
 bear but little relation to each- other. An in- 
 ferior performance on the harp, or the piano, 
 is scarcely in the present day admitted 
 among the amusements of the drawing- 
 room. Neither, it may be said, is an inferior 
 performance in the way of drawing. It is 
 not much to the purpose to surmise what a 
 dismantling of albums there would be, if this 
 were really the case. My business is chiefly 
 to show that there may be great utility in a 
 kind of drawing, which is little calculated to 
 excite the admiration of an evening party ; 
 and it would be an unspeakable advantage 
 to all mothers, in conveying lively and correct 
 ideas to the minds of their children, if they 
 were themselves proficients in the art of 
 sketching from nature. 
 
 Indeed I am one of those who would be 
 glad to see drawing taught to all, though upon 
 a very different plan from that which seems 
 at present to be most approved. It is not 
 the fault of those who teach, that all children 
 whose parents pay for drawing-lessons, take 
 home a certain number of pieces of polished 
 pasteboard, on which are depicted, perhaps, 
 a gothic arch marked out by the master, a
 
 THE USE OF A MIND. 
 
 29 
 
 bridge beside which he has planted a tree, a 
 cottage thatched by his hand, or a scarecrow 
 Magdalene with a round tear corning out of 
 each eye. The production of such speci- 
 mens, however much they may be admired 
 by the near relations of the pupil, are far from 
 being illustrations of what I mean by the art 
 of drawing. 
 
 The art of drawing should be understood 
 to mean the art of making just and true de- 
 lineations of objects as they are ; and this 
 might be taught, in the first place, by begin- 
 ning at once to reduce the simplest objects to 
 the size wanted on the pupil's slate or paper. 
 By commencing at once with the process of 
 reduction, it will ever afterwards be compar- 
 atively easy, and not present, as it now does, 
 almost insuperable obstacles to the art of 
 sketching from nature the only end really 
 worth attaining in learning to draw or paint. 
 
 But where, it may be asked, if the pupils 
 spend their time in drawing nothing better 
 than boxes, book?, or the outlines of simple 
 figures delineated for them on a giant scale 
 where will be those wonderful results which, 
 the fashion of the day demands 1 The results 
 of such a process would certainly not consist 
 in what could be brought forward at any 
 time to obtain its reward of praise, they 
 would not in reality consist of any thing which 
 could be regarded as property duly paid for 
 at the marketable price. The results to 
 which my ambition for the rising generation 
 points, would consist in habits of observation, 
 clear perceptions of form and outline, so as 
 to have the fac-simile of every well-known 
 object impressed without confusion upon the 
 mind; in quickness of imitation, and facility 
 of touch in delineating all visible objects, so 
 as to represent them truly to others ; in a 
 capability on the part of men for giving clear 
 directions to workmen, illustrating such direc- 
 tions by outlines at once correct and bold, as 
 well as in uniting utility with taste ; and on 
 the part of women, for copying and designing 
 patterns, marking out with clearness different 
 lines of beauty ; but, above all, and here the 
 subject assumes its most important character, 
 for sketching with promptness and precision 
 
 all specimens in natural history, as well as 
 almost every other branch of juvenile study, 
 so as at once to strike the eye, and impress 
 the memory of youth to amuse the fancy, 
 and improve the understanding at the same 
 time. 
 
 \Ve all know that even The rudest draw- 
 ing of a rat, a mouse, or a donkey, with ac- 
 companying lively descriptions of some of 
 their peculiar habits, has power to fascinate 
 a group of children on a winter's evening, 
 almost beyond any other resource; and if 
 with greater ease the mother could make 
 these designs at once more spirited, and ex- 
 actly true to life ; if also she could add an illus- 
 tration of some favorite anecdote, by placing 
 different figures together, or allowing the 
 children to choose how they shall be placed, 
 she would find herself in possession of a 
 means of instruction, almost as refreshing to 
 herself, as delightful and invigorating to the 
 young minds whose education is committed 
 to her care. 
 
 Were this a more general amusement in 
 private families, I believe we should much 
 less frequently hear the impatient exclama- 
 tion "There! take that, and be quiet." 
 " Now, James and Lucy quarrelling again !" 
 "John, you naughty boy, let Maria play with 
 your puzzle." " Do tell me what o'clock it 
 is, for I am distracted with your noise." But 
 mothers tell us on every hand, that they do 
 adopt this admirable expedient for getting 
 through a long evening, or a rainy day, by 
 allowing their children to paint; and that 
 they find it answer their purpose to admira- 
 tion. The purpose of keeping the children 
 quiet, and saving trouble to the mother, un- 
 questionably it may answer ; and if the art 
 of drawing be considered, as it too frequently 
 is, a matter of no sort of moment, then the 
 amusement of painting pictures already made, 
 is agreeable and satisfactory enough. If, 
 however, it is considered at all a desirable 
 thing either for men or women, that they 
 should be able to draw with accuracy and ease, 
 no more effectual means of preventing this 
 could possibly be adopted, than that of allow- 
 ing children to fill up drawings with color,
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 before they know any thing of outh'ne or form. 
 It is allowing the child to jump at once to an 
 obvious result, and at the same time suffering 
 him to be deceived as to the value of his 
 work ; because he will learn in a very few 
 years, that such a result is utterly worthless ; 
 yet having attained his end, such as it was, 
 he will not then be likely, under such a disap- 
 pointment, to go back to the means of obtain- 
 ing a better. He will in reality find out that 
 he has been cheating himself under the sanc- 
 tion of his parents, and thus the moral effect 
 upon his character will be any thing but good. 
 
 After all, however, I am not sure but that 
 upon the principle of rewards being given in 
 kind, a young designer, after he has tried his 
 best at outline, may not now and then be al- 
 lowed to paint ; but his red houses and green 
 smoke, blue men and yellow women, should 
 always be treated with a certain degree of 
 disrespect, and by no means should they be 
 allowed the same amount of credit, as if he 
 had accomplished a drawing of his own, 
 however rude and unattractive to the mere 
 observer. 
 
 It Eeems rather hard upon mothers who 
 have never acquired the art of drawing, 
 even in the humblest manner, to urge this 
 point so strongly ; and there are probably 
 few who have not, on reading the valuable 
 remarks on this subject contained in " Home 
 Education," felt painfully their own incapa- 
 city for carrying out the admirable system 
 there laid down ; but if, because this genera- 
 tion is peculiarly defective in one branch of 
 learning, the next must inevitably remain so 
 too, we are indeed in a hopeless condition ; 
 and I write at the greater length on this sub- 
 ject, because I believe, that most persons 
 who never draw, are under great misappre- 
 hensions as to the talent or faculty required 
 to enable them to do so. Hence they com- 
 plain that they have no taste, which generally 
 means that they have no inclination, for draw- 
 ing ; and this no doubt arises from their not 
 being convinced of its extensive utility ; nor, 
 in the case of women, of the boundless re- 
 sources it will place within their reach, if 
 ever they should have children to amuse and 
 
 instruct. Others again complain of their 
 want of talent, which arises from their never 
 having been taught in the right manner ; for 
 as all persons can be taught to write, that is, 
 with greater or less facility, so there is no 
 doubt but all persons could be taught to draw 
 simple, distinct, and familiar objects, if they 
 were not, by the process of instruction, push- 
 ed on too rapidly to obvious and immediate 
 results. Perfection in the art either of draw- 
 ing or painting, so as to design with taste, 
 and execute with effect, is a totally different 
 matter an art belonging unquestionably to 
 the distinguished few, and the practice of 
 which would in most cases be obviously at 
 variance with the duties of a mother. 
 
 In conducting the affairs of the nursery, it 
 is of essential importance to understand that 
 the minds of children must always be at 
 work. As it is necessary to the bodily health 
 o/ an infant that it should always be in mo- 
 tion except when asleep, and as nature has 
 provided for this requirement by a perpetual 
 restlessness, often complained of by those 
 who are unacquainted with its relative ad- 
 vantages ; so the mind is perpetually using, 
 in some way or other, the different faculties 
 with which it is endowed ; and the part of 
 the mother is to teach it how to use them 
 with the greatest facility, and to the best ef- 
 fect The toys provided for children in the 
 present day, are generally of so highly-finish- 
 ed and complete a kind, that after the first 
 emotions of surprise and delight have sub- 
 sided, they fail to afford any further enjoy- 
 ment ; and as there is nothing more to be 
 done towards completing their construction, 
 there only remains one alternative, that of 
 pulling them in pieces. The rudest machine, 
 or the meanest implement of their own con- 
 struction, has often the power to please for a 
 much longer time, because it continues to be 
 capable of improvement, and is not in itself 
 of such a character as to be removed beyond 
 their hopes of success. Upon the same prin- 
 ciple, all playthings which they can use, are 
 infinitely preferable to such ,s they can only 
 admire; because the faculty of admiration is 
 one, the culture of which belongs only to
 
 THE USE OF A MIND. 
 
 81 
 
 riper years. Yet care should be taken even 
 in presenting a boy with a book, a barrow, or 
 any other article which has a distinct use, 
 that he is of an age to turn it to some ac- 
 count, otherwise he will bewilder, disappoint, 
 and irritate himself, with unavailing attempts 
 to use his newly-acquired treasures as he sees 
 them used by others. 
 
 In all manual exercises, as well as in all 
 operations of the mind, we cannot keep too 
 constantly in view the benefit, to themselves 
 and to society, of individuals having what is 
 familiarly called, "their wits about them," 
 or, in other words, being always ready for 
 the occasion, whatever it may be. How 
 much of happiness, as well as of general 
 usefulness, is associated with this habit, it 
 would be impossible to say. Perhaps we can 
 only estimate its real value, when connected 
 in our practical duties, with that dreamy, ab- 
 sorbed, and profitless existence, which tends 
 neither to individual nor social benefit. The 
 prompt, the ready, the active, those who are 
 never at a loss, and especially those who are 
 never lost in self those who abound in re- 
 sources, and those who know how to use all 
 common means, who never hesitate longer 
 than is nece.ssary to decide, and then act im- 
 mediately upon their own decisions ; it is 
 such persons, taken as a class and a happy 
 and enviable class they are who constitute 
 the most valuable portion of the human fam- 
 ily ; and, admire as we may, the brilliant 
 though fitful exhibitions of extraordinary tal- 
 ent reverence as we may, the sibyl silence 
 of genius waiting for inspiration it is to 
 persons who have early learned to use their 
 own minds at any time, and on any subject, 
 that we fly with our perplexities and difficul- 
 :ies, secure that assistance is most likely to 
 je found with them. 
 
 Wherever there are symptoms of dawning 
 ;eniusin a child, or of extraordinary talent 
 of any kind, instead of anticipating too hast- 
 ly the result of such natural endowments, 
 and urging forward the cultivation of that 
 peculiar faculty which appears to be predom- 
 nant, the mother ought to watch carefully in 
 order to ascertain whether there may not be 
 
 a deficiency in some other mental qualifica- 
 tion, proportioned to this excess. 
 
 If there be real genius, it will be sure to 
 develop itself in due time, under reasonable 
 treatment; and long before the child who 
 possesses extraordinary talent arrives at the 
 proper age for turning such talents to the 
 best account, he will have felt abundant need 
 of clear perceptions, sound judgment, and all 
 which is usually comprehended under the 
 name of common sense. In order to pass 
 with safety along the stream of life, under 
 that lofty sail which genius delights to spread, 
 he will have abundant need of all the ballast 
 which a strictly rational education can sup- 
 ply. If, in addition to this, the character has 
 been formed upon well-grounded religious 
 principles, genius to such a child is capable 
 of being a real blessing ; but, on the other 
 hand, we must not forget, that without such 
 accompaniments, it is equally capable of 
 being a real curse. To educate a child to be 
 a genius, is perhaps the greatest absurdity a 
 parent can commit ; but to educate a child 
 to be active, useful, conversant in common 
 things, willing to assist others, and able to 
 adapt itself to circumstances wherever it 
 may be placed, is to furnish it with the means 
 of turning extraordinary talent to the best 
 account. 
 
 Both this kind of talent, and genius, may 
 then be safely left to the cultivation of after 
 years. The mother has little to do with them, 
 except to see that they are neither too much 
 stimulated, nor too much repressed ; for it is 
 possible that genius may be crushed, and the 
 effect of such treatment would, in all proba- 
 bility, be the same upon the human charac- 
 ter, as that of lopping off the leading branch 
 upon a young tree. Other branches might 
 shoot forth, and all the vigor of healthy vege- 
 tation might be displayed, but nothing could 
 restore the beauty of the tree as a whole, in 
 its original bold and upward growth. 
 
 It is scarcely necessary, however, to warn 
 the mother against this mode of treatment. 
 Her own partial admiration of her child, her 
 own ambition pointing to its future course, 
 will be sufficient to protect its genius from a
 
 THE MOTHERS OF EMJLAM). 
 
 sys'era of depression emanating from her; 
 and the mere fact of her natural feelings 
 being so warmly engaged on this side of the 
 question, renders it the more necessary to 
 urge upon her attention, that apparently more 
 humble part of maternal duty, which con- 
 sists in adding to her children's store of ideas, 
 in taking care that the impressions they re- 
 ceive are just and true, and in teaching them 
 how to use, with the greatest facility, the 
 faculties of their own minds. 
 
 Did not the habit of looking for immediate 
 and obvious results, withdraw our attention 
 from the good of mankind in general, and 
 confine it too much to little points, in which 
 our self-interest is concerned, we should 
 more constantly bear in mind, that it is not 
 the extent of genius or talent in a few in- 
 dividuals which makes a nation powerful, 
 great, or prosperous ; but rather the indus- 
 trious, rational, and enlightened character of 
 the population at large. It is, in fact, the 
 people upon whom depends a nation's wealth, 
 its resources, its stability, and its general in- 
 fluence. In order to raise the character of a 
 people, it is necessary that mothers should 
 form a high estimate of the importance of 
 their own efforts in this great and good work. 
 They will then set about the accomplishment 
 of it with earnestness and hope. And why 
 should they not 1 with earnestness, because 
 it is an act of duty fraught with boundless 
 and incalculable benefit to their fellow-crea- 
 tures and with hope, because the beneficent 
 Author of our existence, never, in the order 
 of his providence, appoints a task, without 
 bestowing, in some measure, the means by 
 which it may be performed. Thus the mo- 
 ther who feels painfully that she has but 
 little capability for the mental cultivation of 
 her children, may make up for many deficien- 
 cies by a willing mind, and by the use of 
 those advantages which naturally belong to 
 her situation as a parent ; and if, possessing 
 the love and the confidence of her children, 
 she can early accustom them to the use of 
 their minds, they will not make the worst 
 citizens of the world, or the less exemplary 
 Christians, for having 'received their first 
 
 ideas, and acquired their earliest habits, un- 
 der the careful training of an humble-minded 
 mother. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 ELEMENTS OF CHARACTEK. 
 
 ELEMENTS of character may be said to 
 develop themselves when a child begins 
 for the first time to be actuated by motives 
 distinct from the operation of its senses. 
 Thus, when it has learned to prefer the ap- 
 probation of its mother, to the gratification of 
 its own appetite, it has exhibited one of those 
 elements of character, which, in all probabili- 
 ty, will prove most important in its future 
 life. 
 
 That ceaseless activity of body and mind 
 which has already been alluded to, will at 
 this stage of experience become capable of a 
 fixed and definite purpose ; and when the 
 ends which the child endeavors to attain are 
 associated with a sense of good and evil, it 
 will have commenced the existence of a 
 moral agent, and as such will demand the 
 assiduous and unremitting attention of its 
 mother. 
 
 Important as it is, that maternal love should 
 be so directed as to teach the use of a mind, 
 yet, after all, this part of a mother's duty 
 bears but a small proportion to that of form- 
 ing the characters of her children. It is true, 
 they would form themselves, or rather cir- 
 cumstances would form them, without any 
 instrumentality of hers : but how 1 Can it 
 be the part of a Christian mother to leave 
 circumstances alone to decide whether her 
 child shall be happy or miserable for all eter- 
 nity 1 No ; that part of education which 
 consists in storing the memory, may possibly 
 be committed with propriety to other hands ; 
 but as a mother's instruction is properly 
 more moral than intellectual, that far more 
 important part of education which consists 
 in forming the habits of children, and thus 
 laying the foundation of character, must be- 
 long to the mother.
 
 ELEMENTS OF CHARACTER. 
 
 33 
 
 A mother's superior advantages in the art 
 of communicating ideas has already been 
 described ; and if, in the mere act of impart- 
 ing knowledge, her qualifications are so ad- 
 mirably adapted to her duties, how much 
 greater must be their value in implanting the 
 first ideas of right and wrong, or rather in 
 the great work of giving impulse and direc- 
 tion to the elements of character, by inspiring 
 a love of the one, and a hatred of the other ! 
 By what means could the mother work upon 
 the mind of her child, so as to impart these 
 ideas, except by that close sympathy which 
 exists between them, by the confidence she 
 has inspired, and the love upon which it im- 
 plicitly depends ] It is simply by the use of 
 these means, that she is able to direct the 
 love of her child to any thing which she her- 
 self regards as lovely, and to render odious 
 in its eyes whatevershe despises or dislikes. 
 Here then is power the greatest which one 
 human being can possibly exercise over an- 
 other the power to rule its admiration and 
 its disgust, its love and its abhorrence. 
 
 It is true, the mother will often have to 
 oppose the appetites and inclinations of child- 
 hood, but it is in her own peculiar capability 
 for doing this, and doing it effectually, that 
 we eee the superiority of her qualifications 
 to those of all others ; for no sooner is the 
 child assured of her sympathy, than it trusts 
 all its wishes to her tenderness to forgive, or 
 to her bounty to supply ; no sooner is it con- 
 vinced of her wisdom, than it evinces a will- 
 ingness to submit, on the ground of her 
 knowing best what is for its good ; and no 
 sooner does it feel that her love is entirely 
 disinterested, and wholly free from caprice or 
 change, than it yields, under the satisfactory 
 conviction, that its present sacrifice will be 
 more than made up to it in some better way. 
 
 With these unquestionable advantages, 
 then, the mother begins to question which of 
 the elements of character displayed by her 
 child, she can turn to good account. That 
 perpetual restlessness for which the poor little 
 busybody has been so often chidden let us 
 hot dismiss that as a crime, without some ex- 
 amination as to what can be made of it. The 
 
 idea that children must squander about, and 
 that servants must gather up, prevails almost 
 universally in all families. Thus, when the 
 little lord of the nursery has thrown every- 
 thing he had to play with in all possible direc- 
 tions, when he has pulled the chairs out of 
 their proper places, upset the stools, and drag- 
 ged the floorcloth into heaps, he grows fret- 
 ful and dissatisfied until his nurse supplies 
 him with some other kind of amusement, or 
 probably until she replaces the furniture, in 
 order that he may have the pleasure of throw- 
 ing all things into confusion again. 
 
 But suppose the same child was taught 
 not as a punishment, but cheerfully and kind- 
 ly taught to put every thing in its proper 
 place again, as a means of restoring order and 
 thus pleasing mamma, and making everybo- 
 dy, comfortable ; I believe a wholesome and 
 effectual stimulus to activity might be thus 
 supplied, o as to last perhaps for another 
 hour of amusement, at the same time that a 
 love of order might be inspired, and a still 
 more important desire to be useful and kind. 
 In fact, there are few things more gratifying 
 to children, than a belief that they are useful ; 
 and if they are only taught to esteem it a 
 privilege to make other people happy, the 
 mere act of doing so, will become a happiness 
 to them. 
 
 While enforcing the rule of implicit obedi- 
 ence, already recommended, the mother will 
 sometimes be glad to take advantage of such 
 helps as may be at hand ; and in this respect, 
 the regularity of time even the stroke of the 
 clock which stands in the hall may be made 
 of essential service. It is an excellent thing 
 to accustom children to be obedient to time 
 to do, or cease to do, certain things at certain 
 hours ; because as time never varies, there 
 can be no misunderstanding on this point. 
 Habits of punctuality will be thus induced, and 
 a general impression made upon the mind 
 that there are certain laws by which events 
 are regulated, over which we cannot possibly 
 exercise the least control. 
 
 An education of mere rule, however, would 
 be but a very unsatisfactory one. Among 
 the many unlooked-for incidents of human
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 life, there must be room left for the operation 
 of motive, and the reference of choice from a 
 lesser to a greater good. Thus when chil- 
 dren begin to understand and appreciate the 
 reasons why certain rules are broken, it is the 
 part of the mother to allow such deviations 
 as she may consider most conducive to the 
 good of her family, taking care that the rule 
 of obedience to her wishes still remains invi- 
 olate. 
 
 We will suppose a little group of children 
 learning their morning lessons, to which it is 
 the rule of the house that they shall closely 
 apply until the clock strikes twelve. On one 
 particular morning, however, an aged grand- 
 mother arrives about eleven, having walked 
 some distance for the purpose of seeing the 
 children, and having but an hour to stay. 
 Are they then to go on with their lessons un- 
 til the usual time 1 Certainly not ; because in 
 this case the higher duty of giving pleasure, 
 and showing kindness and respect to an aged 
 relative, supersedes the duty of maintaining a 
 rule. And thus it is, as children advance in 
 years, the mother has to be perpetually choos- 
 ing for them, not only the good in preference 
 to the evil, but also the greater good in pref- 
 erence to the less. 
 
 Among the first convictions impressed up- 
 on the mind of a child, should be one of its 
 own helplessness, as well as its own ignorance. 
 The pleasure of being useful is sometimes 
 turned to bad account under the management 
 of nurses, who go the length of persuading 
 children that they cannot put the nursery in 
 order without them, nor lift the toys upon 
 the table without their help, thus inspiring 
 premature, as well as false ideas, of their own 
 importance, than which nothing can be more 
 undesirable. On the other hand, however, an 
 equal degree of care must be exercised, that 
 children are neither blamed, nor unnecessari- 
 ly put down and humbled, either because of 
 their ignorance or their helplessness. Since 
 it is no greater fault of theirs that they are 
 helpless, than that they are little, they should 
 only be made sensible of this fact so far as to 
 render them willing to receive instruction and 
 assistance, as something which is necessary 
 
 to their safety and well-being. In the same 
 way they should be made to understand, that 
 since as little children they enjoy many pleas- 
 ures in which older persons could not with 
 propriety participate; so there are certain 
 things particular kinds of food, for instance 
 which they see every day partaken of by oth- 
 ers, but which, on account of their being little 
 children, are not suitable for them. 
 
 I am aware that in this instance my opin- 
 ions differ from those of many generous and 
 kind-hearted mothers, who declare that they 
 could not allow anything at their tables, of 
 which their children might not partake. But 
 my idea is, that we should begin early with 
 children the kind of discipline which they will 
 inevitably find themselves subjected to in af- 
 ter life ; and as they will often during illness 
 have to abstain from certain kinds of food ; 
 often nay, almost at every meal, have to set 
 a limit to their indulgence of natural appetite ; 
 and often, in the great duty of adapting them- 
 selves to circumstances, have, in all probabili- 
 ty, to see their own tables supplied very differ- 
 ently from those of their wealthier neighbors ; 
 I would begin early with the course of train- 
 ing most likely to render such crosses of in- 
 clination so habitual as scarcely to be felt ; 
 nor can I see that there is more injustice in 
 denying a great variety of food to a child be- 
 cause it is little, than because it is ill. 
 
 To learn our true position in life, and to be 
 satisfied with it, whether in childhood or old 
 age, is one of the most important of human 
 attainments ; and if a mere child is allowed 
 to consider itself upon the same general foot- 
 ing as a man or woman of thirty, it will either 
 have to endure being undeceived by some 
 painful and humiliating process, or else it 
 will continue committing acts of egregious 
 folly for the remainder of its life. 
 
 Whenever children exhibit that kind of ar- 
 rogance and self-sufficiency, which can only 
 exist in connection with extreme ignorance, 
 it is best to let them try some of the mighty 
 feats of which they boast, and, without ex- 
 ulting in their disappointment, simply leave 
 them to the v consequences of their own pre- 
 sumption.
 
 ELEMENTS OF CHARACTER. 
 
 35 
 
 But in order to bring all children to a right 
 sense of their real capabilities, as well as their 
 true position, they should often be thrown up- 
 on their own resources. By having amuse- 
 ment too constantly supplied, they seldom 
 learn to know what it is they really want ; 
 and thus will sometimes grow fretful in the 
 midst of a world of toys, just as they become 
 feverish and ill, in consequence of being fed 
 so often, that they have no time to be hun- 
 gry. One of the most striking characteris- 
 tics exhibited by children, is the alacrity with 
 which some will seek and provide their own 
 resources ; and if their mother wishes that 
 they should grow up industrious, useful, and 
 happy, she will afford them every encourage- 
 ment in doing this. She will consequently 
 allow them materials for creating their own 
 amusement, rather than finished toys ; and 
 whenever they have kept steadily to one ob- 
 ject, so as to accomplish a design, however 
 simple, rude, or worthless as a whole, mater- 
 nal love should seize the opportunity for be- 
 stowing a large amount of approbation upon 
 the effort. 
 
 Much also may be done by a mother in the 
 way of stimulating a laudable ambition in her 
 children to accomplish certain ends ; but she 
 must be especially careful not to go too far, 
 or to encourage their attempting what is im- 
 possible to them. It is unspeakably distress- 
 ing to hear hasty and inconsiderate parents 
 sometimes insisting upon what is impractica- 
 ble, and going on to declare that their chil- 
 dren must and shall do certain things ; with- 
 out taking the trouble to ascertain whether 
 there may not be some insurmountable obsta- 
 cle in the way. Indeed, notwithstanding all 
 the boasted tenderness called into exercise on 
 behalf of children, there is also a vast amount 
 of cruelty practised upon them, purely from 
 want of thought. And then the absurdities 
 which are proposed to them as reasons for 
 submission ! I remember to have been told, 
 night after night, that I must eat all my ap- 
 ple-pie, a thing to which I had a particular 
 aversion, because there were so many poor 
 children who would be glad to have it. Now, 
 how these poor children should be benefited 
 
 by my eating what they liked, and I did not, 
 I never could make out ; as little could I 
 imagine how it should be a merit in me to eat 
 up all, when they would ,have been so glad 
 to have a part. She was a good, kind nurse, 
 however, who used to tell me this, and main- 
 tained the highest character as a servant. 
 The question is not with such, but whether 
 there may not be mothers who err almost as 
 strangely in their moral training. 
 
 Dr. Johnson has told us, that pity is not a 
 natural feeling that it must be taught to 
 children before they can exercise its soothing 
 power. And certainly it has often appeared 
 to me one of the least attractive features of 
 infancy, that children should evince a mis- 
 chievous desire for getting one another into 
 scrapes. Not that they delight in seeing the 
 punishment they have brought upon their 
 playmates actually inflicted : the spectacle of 
 suffering appears to shock them, in its abso- 
 lute reality. But still they run and tell, when 
 there is no occasion to do so, that such an 
 one perhaps their favorite companion has 
 been committing an act of delinquency, the 
 disclosure of which they know will bring dis- 
 grace and suffering upon the offender. 
 
 In the same way, we often see children 
 tormenting animals, even the very pets they 
 consider as their own, and appear at other 
 times to love ; not certainly in ignorance that 
 there is torment in what they are doing, but 
 purely, as it would seem, from an inclination 
 to give pain. I am the more disposed to 
 think there is this element in the human 
 character, because I know individuals, kind 
 and benevolent in the general tone of their 
 feelings, who, from never having been taught 
 to pity the sufferings of the animal creation, 
 inflict the most wanton cruelty simply as an 
 amusement. 
 
 It becomes then an important part of a 
 mother's duty, to teach her children the love- 
 liness, as well as the utility of pity ; for with- 
 out pity, there would be little done in the 
 world towards relieving individual distress. 
 Pity is the forerunner of help ; and whoever 
 cannot pity, is without the mainspring of all 
 human kindness.
 
 36 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 I have sometimes thought that by being 
 allowed the care of tame animal?, children 
 might be taught to feel both pity and sym- 
 pathy for this portion of the creation. But 
 then there are so very few animals capable 
 of being made so happy in confinement, as 
 they would be in their natural state, that 
 there appears considerable danger, lest we 
 should by this means be guilty of inflicting 
 misery for the sake of seeing it pitied. There 
 are some, however, such as dogs, rabbits, 
 Guinea-pigs, and some kinds of birds, which, 
 if not confined too closely, and carefully sup- 
 plied with their favorite food, exhibit every 
 symptom of cheerfulness, and even satisfac- 
 tion in their lot. Among these, there will 
 unavoidably be deaths and disasters of va- 
 rious kinds, calculated to call forth feelings 
 of pity ; and the boy, who in early childhood 
 has really loved his own dog, will be likely 
 to show kindness to ail others, for the sake 
 of that long-remembered favorite. 
 
 Many important facts in natural history 
 may also, by the same means, be impressed 
 upon the minds of children, so as never to 
 be forgotten in after life ; especially that im- 
 portant fact, that in connection with animal 
 life in a healthy state, there is always, to a 
 certain extent, a capability both of enjoyment 
 and suffering. The child learns, too, in the 
 same way, its first moral lesson that, by the 
 exercise of kindness, the creatures depend- 
 ent upon its care are made happy ; while by 
 neglect or unkindness they are as certainly 
 made miserable. 
 
 I cannot then believe, but that it might be 
 a help to mothers in the moral training of 
 their children, to allow them the care of ani- 
 mals ; because, without drawing into the 
 scheme of education these lower creatures, 
 it is impossible that a child should stand in 
 the position of a responsible being as regards 
 the welfare of others. If, however, the 
 mother should so far lose sight of the end 
 she ought to have in view, as to permit her 
 child merely to caress its favorites, instead 
 of providing for their support, and making 
 them comfortable in every way ; if the gar- 
 dener is to feed the rabbits, and little rniss 
 
 and master are to call them their own ; or if 
 the housemaid is to put the aviary in order, 
 while they fondle the birds ; then, indeed, the 
 dignified sense of being possessors of property 
 had better be done away with altogether, for 
 any good it is likely to effect. Better, a thou- 
 sand times, to open the cage or the rabbit- 
 house, and let the captives go, than suffer 
 little masters and mistresses to grow up in 
 the belief that they are really kind, when 
 they do nothing towards putting their kind 
 feelings into operation for the good of others. 
 If, too, the mother should be so negligent as 
 to allow creatures thus confined to suffer 
 from neglect, she will, as the instrument of 
 inflicting misery, be little qualified for teach- 
 ing her children how to pity. The only safe 
 and effectual method of turning this system 
 to good account, is for the mother to inspect, 
 or to depute some one else to watch over the 
 welfare of the animals for their good ; while, 
 for the good of her children, she allows them 
 to act as if they were the only responsible 
 agents in the whole matter. All neglect must 
 therefore be chargeable upon them ; while 
 the health, happiness, and general prosperity 
 of the establishment, must be attributed, so 
 far as it can be with justice, to their good 
 management. 
 
 It is a remarkable fact, that the most amia- 
 ble mothers sometimes train up the most un- 
 amiable children. This, however, will only 
 be found to be the case where the mother is 
 either ignorant or inconsiderate. A woman 
 who is merely amiable, and who has never 
 accustomed herself to think of the moral ten- 
 dency of certain actions, who only desires 
 that her children should be made happy for 
 the time being, without any idea of their fu- 
 ture welfare, will punish and deny herself to 
 almost any extent, for the purpose of pro- 
 curing them a momentary gratification ; and 
 then perhaps she will feel hurt at their want 
 of gratitude and esteem towards herself. 
 
 This, as well as other strange anomalies in 
 the characters of what are called amiable 
 women, have done much to convince me, that 
 sound principle and common sense, with un- 
 questionably a due proportion of warmheart-
 
 ELEMENTS OF CHARACTER. 
 
 37 
 
 edness, are in the long-run more conducive 
 to individual, as well as social happiness, than 
 those ungoverned springs of tenderness and 
 love, which burst forth and exhaust them- 
 selves, without calculation or restraint. 
 
 A merely amiable woman, who has never 
 submitted her feelings to the government of 
 common sense, will reject the idea of its be- 
 ing a duty to make her own comfort and 
 convenience objects of primary consideration 
 amongst her children. She will reject this 
 idea, under the impression that it is too self- 
 ish for her to act upon. Her principle is one 
 of disinterested love, and therefore she never 
 places herself in the way of her children's 
 gratification, never requires any thing of them 
 towards her own comfort, allows them to eat 
 all their good things without asking her to 
 partake, and to seize every means of gratifi- 
 cation which may fall in their way, without 
 the slightest reference to her. That such 
 children will naturally grow up greedy, self- 
 ish, and regardless of their mother, it is 
 scarcely necessary to say. Yet what is to be 
 done where the mother is so amiable, so 
 meek, and so disinterested, that she abso- 
 lutely cannot consent to make herself an 
 object of consideration ? 
 
 It would certainly be a very interesting 
 and charming alternative in this difficult 
 case, if, while the sweet mother should pur- 
 posely shrink into nothing in comparison 
 with her children, the father would draw her 
 merits forth to view, and place her first on 
 every occasion in the attention and regard 
 of his family. Such a picture of domestic 
 life might indeed embellish the pages of a 
 novel ; but unfortunately the real world in 
 which we live is so constituted that fathers 
 of families have little time for adorning their 
 wives with honors which they blush to wear. 
 Fathers of families in the present day, and 
 the fact cannot be acknowledged without se- 
 rious regret, are for the most part too deeply 
 engaged in the pursuit of objects widely dif- 
 fering in their nature from those which be- 
 long to the moral discipline of home ; and 
 therefore it becomes more the duty of mo- 
 thers, especially those of the middle class of 
 
 society, to look beyond the things of the mo- 
 ment, to consider the almost double respon- 
 sibility which devolves upon them, and to 
 inquire earnestly into the probable means of 
 ensuring the future good of their children. 
 
 It is not, however, so generally from an 
 excess of humility that mothers neglect the 
 opportunity, while their children are young, 
 of inspiring them with a grateful regard for 
 the maternal character, as from a mistaken 
 idea that in the natural relation of a child to 
 its mother, there exists a bond of such inhe- 
 rent power, that circumstances can neither 
 strengthen nor destroy it. They forget that 
 we do not love our relations simply because 
 they are such, and that even the revered 
 name of mother derives its sacred and endear- 
 ing character from the associations of early 
 life, rather than from any feeling of mere rela- 
 tionship on the part of the child ; though it is 
 a great happiness that in after life, and when 
 these associations have been tender and en- 
 dearing, the idea of relationship gives stability 
 and warmth to our feelings of affection. 
 
 Of all the disappointments which assail the 
 peace of mothers, and unquestionably they 
 are many, I believe those which originate in 
 the mistaken notion here alluded to, are by 
 far the most numerous ; and if the wounded 
 feeling which in after years so often takes 
 possession of the maternal breast on finding 
 that all the personal sufferings endured, the 
 sacrifices made, and the care bestowed upon 
 the helplessness of childhood, seem to be 
 forgotten as regards the tender and devoted 
 being from whom originated this constant 
 flow of disinterested love if such feelings 
 could be obviated by the exercise of a little 
 more calculation as to cause and effect in 
 the training of childhood, what a different 
 position the mothers of some families might 
 hold ! while, in proportion to the satisfaction 
 of their own minds, would be the increase of 
 their moral influence over their children, ex- 
 tending in all probability to the end of life. 
 
 I cannot help again observing here, that 
 there are few things in this world, over which 
 one feels more inclined to lament, than the 
 total waste of good feeling the utter failure
 
 38 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of the best motives from the want of a little 
 knowledge or a little forethought, as to the 
 surest means of carrying them into effect 
 That it is peculiarly the lot of woman to 
 wear herself out in this fruitless expenditure, 
 has been said and sung by many a feeling 
 writer, and by none more sweetly than our 
 own lamented poetess 
 
 " Her lot is on you silent tears to weep, 
 And patient smiles to wear through suffering's 
 hour, 
 
 And sumless riches from affection's deep 
 To pour on broken reeds a wasted shower ; 
 
 And to make idols, and to find them clay, 
 And to bewail such worship. . . .- . ." 
 
 But why is it so 7 For no other reason than 
 because woman considers it more beautiful 
 to feel than to think. And so perhaps it is. 
 Yet that she should think sufficiently to make 
 her feelings tell upon the welfare of the be- 
 ings whose happiness she has so much at 
 heart, is the very point which, in looking up- 
 on the world, we long to urge upon women 
 in general, and especially upon mothers. 
 
 Among the elements of human character 
 most justly valued in society, and especially 
 in the home circle, are gratitude and gene- 
 rosity. It would seem that the former of 
 these might naturally grow out of the situa- 
 tion of a young child dependent upon others 
 for the supply of every want, and the gratifi- 
 cation of every wish. We see, however, 
 that this is far from being the case ; for those 
 very children who are the most unsparingly 
 indulged are generally the most ungrateful. 
 Indeed, how should they be otherwise? -In- 
 dulgence does not make them happy ; and 
 we find, throughout the world, that gratitude 
 is not proportioned to the bestowment of 
 favors, but to the benefit we are sensible of 
 deriving from them. It is well, however, to 
 begin by instilling ideas of gratitude, if not 
 actual sensations, whenever a child is the 
 subject of kindness from a friend. Children 
 should never be allowed to forget who gave 
 them any of their toys, who took them to 
 see any gratifying sight, or who procured 
 them the means of extraordinary enjoyment 
 in any other way. Above all, the mother 
 
 ought not to be so fastidious, so guilty of false 
 delicacy, as to leave herself out of the ques- 
 tion in her efforts to inspire gratitude ; for 
 without any assumption of merit above mo- 
 thers in general, or in fact any thing bordering 
 upon self-praise, she may distinctly set before 
 her children the innumerable benefits they 
 derive from maternal care. She may point 
 to the circumstances of orphans destitute of 
 all such benefits ; and she may even describe 
 occasionally to the older ones, her own suf- 
 ferings and privations in the discharge of 
 her duty to the younger. This, however, 
 should be done without fretfulness and with- 
 out murmuring ; for to complain to children 
 that they are destructive of their mother's 
 peace and comfort, is infinitely worse than to 
 leave them in total ignorance that either the 
 one or the other is capable of being disturbed. 
 
 It might seem, on a superficial view of the 
 subject, that gratitude was but a little thing 
 to instil into the minds of children, unquali- 
 fied as they naturally are, to render it pro- 
 ductive of practical results, so as in any 
 measure to repay their benefactors ; but here 
 we err, as usual, by looking to immediate 
 consequences, rather than to the future bene- 
 fit of the rising generation. It is certainly a 
 little thing for a child to bring the first rose it 
 gathers to its mother, because it knows that 
 she is doing something every day, and al- 
 most every hour, for its good ; but it is not a 
 little thing, that as children grow up to be 
 men and women, they should treasure in 
 their hearts the sweet remembrance of bene- 
 fits received, that they should still yearn in 
 after years to pay back again some portion 
 of the debt; and above all, having early 
 learned their own relative insignificance and 
 helplessness, and their consequent depend- 
 ence upon the kindness of parents and 
 friends it is not a little thing that they 
 should throw all these feelings into a higher 
 channel, and refer them to the Giver of 
 every blessing the Friend in every hour of 
 need. 
 
 With regard to feelings of gratitude, per- 
 haps more than any other which claim the 
 general approbation of mankind, selfishness,
 
 ELEMENTS OF CHARACTER. 
 
 pride, and worldly-mindedness too often 
 stand in the way of our seeing their real 
 value. The various imperfections of those 
 of our fellow-creatures from whom we re- 
 ceive benefits, seem also to afford us an ex- 
 cuse for the absence of gratitude towards 
 them; we find too that their kind services 
 are not always such as do us any real good ; 
 and thus we go on narrowing the circle of 
 our pleasurable sensations, and hardening 
 our hearts against those genial influences 
 which would make us both happier and better 
 than we are. 
 
 By excluding from our minds the feeling of 
 gratitude to our fellow-creatures, it ceases to 
 be habitual ; and thus, when we strive to 
 call it forth in our religious exercises, or when 
 contemplating the good providence of God, it 
 is scarcely probable that a sensation so 
 strange to the accustomed tone of our minds 
 should come at the moment it is wanted. It 
 is true that expressions of gratitude abound 
 in all our exercises of prayer and praise, 
 in all our advice, in all our warnings, 
 and in all the consolations we would of- 
 fer to the suffering or destitute ; but is 
 the feeling there 1 Alas ! how often has 
 the Christian to lament that he cannot throw 
 the full force of his warmest emotions into 
 the language he is uttering that he cannot, 
 from the depths of his own heart, go along 
 with the inspired Psalmist in those outbursts 
 of gratitude, in which the harmony of heaven 
 seems blended with the poetry of earth ! 
 
 Still there are seasons in the past experi- 
 ence of all who are capable of feeling, when 
 emotions of gratitude have passed over the 
 soul like a fresh torrent over the parched and 
 arid soil, leaving beauty and fertility in its 
 track. To find in the midst of trouble, that 
 some one, of whose kindness we had never 
 dreamed, has been making interest in our 
 favor ; that some friend has been secretly 
 working for our good ; that a sister or a 
 brother has been making some sacrifice, to 
 serve us ; that a father or a mother has been 
 praying for us when we have gone astray ; 
 and when one or all of these discoveries 
 have been made, to throw open our hearts 
 
 without suspicion and without reserve before 
 our benefactors, so as to let them see and 
 feel our gratitude surely this does good 
 alike to " him that gives," as well as to the 
 grateful recipient of such kindness. 
 
 It must do good ; for there is no sensation 
 approaching so nearly to that which the 
 scheme of man's salvation is calculated to 
 inspire in the breast of the true believer, as 
 that of intense and fervent gratitude ; and, 
 blessed be God, there is no sensation so near- 
 ly allied to perfect happiness. Here then is 
 benevolence here is mercy here is cause 
 for gratitude on earth and praise in heaven ! 
 that the very feeling by which the Christian 
 is most closely bound to the service of his 
 Maker, is that which, throughout all human 
 nature, is the most intima.tely associated with 
 the purest enjoyment. 
 
 That real gratitude that to which the 
 heart surrenders itself without reserve is 
 the happiest sensation experienced on earth, 
 we have probably all felt at different times, 
 and in a manner adapted to our own habits 
 and associations some on entering the house 
 of prayer, some on the recovery of a beloved 
 friend from illness, some on returning home, 
 and some on going forth under favorable 
 auspices; while others have found them- 
 selves most overpowered by emotions of 
 gratitude, they scarcely know how, or why. 
 Perhaps in a solitary walk over green fields 
 on a summer's day, they have paused by a 
 rivulet, to gaze upon half-hidden flowers, 
 and to listen to the hum of the wandering 
 bee, until, startled by a softer note, they have 
 looked up, and seen the woodpigeon sitting 
 in the boughs of a tall tree, through which 
 the sunlight glistened. And then, undisturb- 
 ed by these sweet natural sounds and sights, 
 a solemn stillness has fallen upon their souls ; 
 and while a vision of deep thought has 
 made evident the presence of the Supreme, 
 the Infinite, the Allwise, they have felt them- 
 selves remembered cared for kept as it 
 were in the hollow of his hand ; and thus 
 they have poured forth their gratitude in 
 prayer, such as falls again like dew upon the 
 heart from which it springs.
 
 40 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 Oh ! who would exchange such moments 
 for the wealth of worlds ! or who, if by any 
 effort of love, they could be procured for 
 others, would not begin in early childhood to 
 cultivate a soil which is capable of producing 
 so rich a harvest of pure and invigorating 
 joy? 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 GENEROSITY AND AFFECTION. 
 
 ON the first view of the subjects which are 
 to occupy this chapter, it would almost seem 
 to be a waste of words to commend them to 
 the reader's notice, so uniformly is the opinion 
 of mankind engaged in their favor. A vast 
 amount of praise, however, is sometimes lav- 
 ished upon acts of generosity, without con- 
 sidering what it is we are actually praising. 
 
 Children should never be commended for 
 giving what costs them no sacrifice to part 
 with. Where this rule is not observed, we 
 often see a spurious kind of generosity pre- 
 vailing in families, the members of which 
 grow up with a mistaken notion, that in the 
 mere act of giving, there is a degree of merit 
 upon which they congratulate themselves, 
 when, in reality, they have only been enjoy- 
 ing the highest of all luxuries. 
 
 In order to obviate some of the evils arising 
 out of this mistake, children should early be 
 taught to offer a part of their sweetmeats to 
 each other, but especially to their parents; 
 and what is more, the parents should actual- 
 ly take what is offered not merely that tiny 
 crumb which the tender mother breaks off, 
 and with disproportioned thanks pretends to 
 eat This method of commending gener- 
 osity does a two-fold injury ; in the first 
 place, by deceiving the child into a belief that 
 it is generous, when it is not ; and in the sec- 
 ond, by inducing a confidence that it will 
 suffer no loss by the effort it is making. We 
 should be sincere with children in acts, as 
 well as in words. Parents ought therefore not 
 only to take a crumb, but occasionally a good 
 
 large portion of what is offered them, so as 
 to produce in the minds of their children a 
 conviction, which will be of infinite service 
 to them in after life, that the true value of all 
 generosity consists in the good it imparts 
 to others, not in the credit it procures for 
 ourselves. 
 
 It is not difficult to discover when a false 
 system of pretended giving and pretended 
 taking has been practised in a family, by the 
 blank and disappointed look of the little 
 giver, if a portion unexpectedly large is 
 taken from its hand ; as well as by the trem- 
 bling and hesitation of that hand, and the 
 fearfulness with which it is drawn back, the 
 next time the ceremony of pretended giving 
 has to be performed towards the individual 
 who happened previously to take too much. 
 Never, it may safely be said, were the 
 elements of a truly generous character un- 
 folded and brought to perfection by such a 
 system as this a system which, so far as it 
 encourages self-deception, and the substitu- 
 tion of mere pretence for what is real, just, 
 and true, is exactly so much worse than ab- 
 solute greediness. 
 
 If children must be greedy, let them by all 
 means run first into the garden, and devour 
 the ripe fruit before any one else has discov- 
 ered that it is ripe ; but do not let them come 
 in to offer a small portion of it to mamma, 
 in order to obtain her praises, though all the 
 while feeling perfectly secure against any 
 diminution of their own selfish enjoyment 
 
 There is no need, however, that children 
 should be greedy ; because it is in the power 
 of almost every mother, to teach them that 
 there is a higher enjoyment than that of 
 merely satisfying their own appetites. Sup- 
 pose, for instance, it should be the establish- 
 ed rule in a family that all first fruits should 
 be offered to the parents, and that they 
 should be appropriated entirely, but still 
 thankfully, by them ; received simply as 
 their due, but still acknowledged with every 
 token of affection. For those self-devoted 
 and uncalculating mothers, to whom allusion 
 has been made, I am aware it would be dif- 
 ficult to do this, or to maintain any rule by
 
 GENEROSITY AND AFFECTION 
 
 41 
 
 which they would themselves be made first 
 in their children's consideration ; but could 
 they once be made witnesses of that higher, 
 purer joy, which pervades the soul of a 
 young child on having learned that it is 
 " more blessed to give than to receive," they 
 would surely not deny them the cultivation 
 of so lasting a source of real happiness. 
 
 On this subject, especially, those kind and 
 unthinking mothers are apt to fall into an 
 endless train of errors, simply from yielding 
 to a natural impulse to produce immediate 
 results of a gratifying nature. Thus the 
 supply of money to children for the purpose 
 of making presents, for which they obtain all 
 the thanks, and all the credit, is practised to 
 a most injurious extent. I do not mean to 
 say that children should never be allowed to 
 give, until they have money or property of 
 their own ; but when they do, it should be 
 in the name of their parents, and on no ac- 
 count should they take merit to themselves 
 as if they had done a generous act. 
 
 It is a sacred duty with all who have to do 
 with the moral improvement of their fellow- 
 creatures, to watch over motives, as well as 
 actions ; and as regards the young, to see 
 that they do not grow up deceiving them- 
 selves as to what their motives really are. 
 Under no pretence is self-deception more 
 frequently practised, than under that of gen- 
 erosity, as well as general kindness. There 
 may be many selfish motives for doing gener- 
 ous actions, such as reference to our own ulti- 
 mate benefit in what we do ; but the mis- 
 take- I would especially point out, refers to 
 our immediate motives, or rather to the di- 
 rect impulse upon which we act The di- 
 rect impulse to act kindly, may be a desire 
 to relieve the suffering of others ; or it may 
 be only a desire to relieve our own sufferings 
 in the contemplation of distress. 
 
 Perhaps I shall make my meaning better 
 understood, by the case of a young lady, who 
 believed herself, and was generally believed, 
 to be exceedingly charitable and kind ; and 
 who sometimes returned home on a Satur- 
 day afternoon after visiting the poor, so im- 
 pressed with a painful sense of their wants 
 
 and sufferings, that for one there was fruit to 
 be gathered, for another gruel made, while to 
 a third or a fourth, honey and jelly had to be 
 sent out that night Now if we add, that 
 never, on the Monday morning, or early in 
 the week, when servants were more at liberty, 
 could the same young lady remember to sup- 
 ply the necessities of her afflicted friends, it 
 will be clearly understood that her efforts 
 were simply to relieve the pain of her own 
 feelings in witnessing distress, while so soon 
 as this pain had subsided or lost its acute- 
 ness, the sufferings of the poor ceased to 
 supply a motive strong enough for the exer- 
 cise of her generosity. But let us not think 
 too severely of this case, without asking, in 
 how many instances the conduct of the young 
 lady here described, resembles our own. 
 
 I am aware that this subject lies open to 
 the cavillings of those most fruitless reason- 
 ers, who, after pursuing a round of argu- 
 ments, congratulate themselves at last upon 
 having arrived at the senseless conclusion, 
 that all kindness is selfish, because it origi- 
 nates in an impulse to gratify ourselves by 
 relieving distress, or doing good in some oth- 
 er way. Though such a mode of arguing is 
 scarcely worthy of a moment's serious no- 
 tice, yet as it sometimes catches the atten- 
 tion of those who do not take the trouble to 
 think for themselves, it may be well to point 
 out a distinction betwixt those kind actions 
 which are really selfish, and those which are 
 not. Those actions, then, may properly be 
 called selfish, which in the mind of the per- 
 former have reference only to self; and those 
 may with great justice be called unselfish, 
 which have reference only to others. Thus 
 the performer of kind or generous actions, 
 whose sole inducement is the luxury expect- 
 ed to be derived therefrom a luxury consist- 
 ing either in witnessing enjoyment of his own 
 creating, or in receiving the praise or the grati- 
 tude of others ; such a man, though ostensi- 
 bly a benefactor to his race, might with some 
 propriety be called selfish ; a title which it 
 would be a mockery of language to bestow 
 upon one, who should be so intent upon the 
 relief of suffering, or upon the gratification
 
 42 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of others, as never once to have thought of 
 self, or of any other result than what should 
 belong exclusively to the party served. 
 Though the real enjoyment of such a person 
 would be as high, nay, far higher than that 
 of the other, yet their motives being essen- 
 tially different, it would be worse than folly 
 to place them in the same rank as moral 
 agents ; and whenever we would commend 
 or encourage the generosity of the young, 
 we ought to examine well the true state of 
 the case, in order to ascertain which of these 
 two motives has been in operation. 
 
 "If we attempt to teach children," says 
 Miss Edgeworth, " that they can be generous 
 without giving up some of their own pleas- 
 ures for the sake of other people, we attempt 
 to teach them what is false. If we once 
 make them amends for any sacrifice they 
 have made, we lead them to expect the same 
 remuneration on a future occasion ; and then, 
 in fact, they act with a direct view to their 
 own interest, and govern themselves by the 
 calculations of prudence, instead of following 
 the dictates of benevolence. It is true, that 
 if we speak with accuracy, we must admit, 
 that the most benevolent and generous per- 
 sons act from the hope of receiving pleasure, 
 and their enjoyment is more exquisite than 
 that of the most efined selfishness : in the 
 language of M. de Rochefoucault, we should 
 be therefore forced to acknowledge, that the 
 most benevolent is always the most selfish per- 
 son. This seeming paradox is answered by 
 observing, that the epithet selfish is given to 
 those who prefer pleasures in which other 
 people have no share ; we change the mean- 
 ing of words when we talk of its being self- 
 ish to like the pleasures of sympathy and 
 benevolence, because these pleasures cannot 
 be confined solely to the idea of self. When 
 we say that a person pursues his own inter- 
 est more by being generous than by being 
 covetous, we take into account the general 
 sum of his agreeable feelings, we do not bal- 
 ance prudentially his loss or gain upon par- 
 ticular occasions. The generous man may 
 himself be convinced, that the sum of his 
 happiness is more increased by the feelings 
 
 of benevolence, than it could be by the grati- 
 fication of avarice ; but, though his under- 
 standing may perceive the demonstration of 
 this moral theorem, though it is the remote 
 principle of his whole conduct, it does not 
 occur to his memory in the form of a pru- 
 dential aphorism, whenever he is going to do 
 a generous action. It is essential to our ideas 
 of generosity, that no such reasoning should 
 at that moment pass in his mind ; we know 
 that the feelings of generosity are associated 
 with a number of enthusiastic ideas ; we can 
 sympathize with the virtuous insanity of the 
 man who forgets himself while he thinks of 
 others ; we do not so readily sympathize with 
 the cold strength of mind of the person, who, 
 deliberately preferring the greatest possible 
 share of happiness, is benevolent by rule and 
 measure." 
 
 All making of presents with the parent's 
 money, all giving for the mere luxury of the 
 giver, should then be studiously avoided in 
 the management of children ; while, on the 
 other hand, all real kindness, all giving up of 
 selfish gratification purely for the sake of do- 
 ing good to others, ought to be as studiously 
 encouraged, and rewarded with indubitable 
 marks of approbation. 
 
 As one means of preventing young people 
 acquiring a habit of acting from that spurious 
 kind of generosity which has just been de- 
 scribed, it is well not to make them too fre- 
 quent spectators of the sufferings of the poor 
 and destitute, at an age when they are inca- 
 pable, by their own efforts, of doing any thing 
 towards alleviating the distress they see ; for 
 while, with some dispositions, there is dan- 
 ger that their feelings should be rendered 
 callous by the frequency of such spectacles ; 
 with others, there is equal danger of acquir- 
 ing a habit of seeking the relief of the suffer- 
 ing under a pretence of kindness, when the 
 chief or only motive for such kindness is the 
 relief of their own feelings. To accustom 
 children to remember the poor when not 
 present, to lay by for their relief, some por- 
 tion of the money given for their own use, 
 or to spend a little time now and then in 
 working for their comfort, is a far more likely
 
 GENEROSITY AND AFFECTION. 
 
 43 
 
 method of inspiring sentiments of true kind- 
 ness, than merely to encourage them to be 
 kind or generous at the time when their 
 feelings are worked upon by the presence of 
 distress. 
 
 In making free use of the expressions 
 praise, and blame, I should be sorry to be 
 understood to mean that the approbation, 
 even of a mother, should become the leading 
 motive, in the conduct of a child, beyond that 
 early stage of its existence, when it is inca- 
 pable of comprehending any other. A mo- 
 ther's approbation, however, may often be 
 made use of as a natural and appropriate 
 reward, and this without any of those direct 
 but disproportioned praises which induce an 
 idea of peculiar merit on the part of a child. 
 Happily for the mother, nature has given her 
 j the use of a purer language than that of 
 praise, in which she may hold sweet com- 
 munion with the soul of her child. It is 
 that of sympathy, which should never be 
 withheld. " It is safer," says Miss Hamilton, 
 " to sympathize with children than to praise 
 them ;" and a mother, above all other beings, 
 has perpetually at her command, those innu- 
 merable links in the great chain of sympathy, 
 which consist of peculiar tones of voice, ca- 
 resses, looks, and familiar expressions, down 
 to the minutest touch which thrills along the 
 chords of feeling, and produces an answering 
 echo, true to nature's sweetest music, from the 
 tender and unsophisticated spirit of the child. 
 
 We should be careful, too, in the use of 
 maternal approbation, lest children, who have 
 built too much upon this as their reward, 
 should grow up with an inordinate thirst fort 
 approbation in general ; for though we justly 
 grieve over the situation of a being so isola- 
 ted and shut out from kindly sympathies, as 
 not to regard the praise or blame of others ; 
 yet it is but too evident, from the observation 
 of every day, that no human beings are so 
 often exposed to disappointment, and none in 
 reality BO weak, as those who derive their 
 highest satisfaction from the approbation of 
 their fellow-creatures. 
 
 Still, in connection with a mother's influ- 
 ence, and with the natural means which are 
 
 placed within her power for exercising that 
 influence in the management of her children, 
 it must be allowed that praise and blame are 
 legitimate instruments capable of being used 
 with the most beneficial effect by a judicious 
 woman. For, after all, a system of praise 
 and blame seems to be that which is most 
 adapted to our weakness ; in consideration 
 to which, we have been taught by the word of 
 God, to look for consolation and support, less 
 as moral agents to the intrinsic excellence of 
 the Divine law as promulgated in the Scrip- 
 tures, than simply as little children, to the 
 approbation of our Father who is in heaven. 
 
 In confining our ideas of generosity, as is 
 too frequently the case, to the mere act of 
 giving, we take but a very low and partial 
 view of the subject as it affects individual 
 conduct, and as it affects the interests of 
 society in general. We are often made to 
 feel a want of generosity in the behavior of 
 our friends, where there is no giving ; and in 
 nothing are we more susceptible of this, than 
 in the treatment of our feelings. There are 
 many friends who will give to us abundantly 
 there may be some who would share with 
 us their last shilling ; but there are not many 
 who will pour the balm of affection into 
 wounds we are justly suffering from disap- 
 pointed vanity ; there are not many who will 
 screen us with tenderness from the exposure 
 of our own folly ; and there are still fewer 
 who will rob themselves of a little credit, for 
 the sake of giving us our full share, or more. 
 There are not many either, who can always 
 refrain from reproaching penitence, and tri- 
 umphing over humiliation, from pursuing a 
 victory with exultation, or from dragging to 
 light the secret sins of a rival. Yet all this 
 belongs to the exercise of true generosity, 
 and is often more touching to the heart a 
 thousand times, than to be the recipient of 
 unnumbered benefits. 
 
 To attempt to give any particular direction 
 for the cultivation of this kind of generosity, 
 would be to presume a little beyond the 
 sphere of education ; because it must depend 
 so entirely upon the characters of those who 
 have the training of children, and upon the
 
 44 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 spirit which is cherished around the domestic 
 hearth. One rule, however, may be safely 
 laid down, and that is, never to use taunting 
 or reproachful expressions to children for 
 offences committed, after such atonement as 
 lies within their power has been made never 
 to wound beyond what is absolutely necessa- 
 ry for correction, nor to allow the guilty to be 
 put down and degraded more than is essen- 
 tial to their future good. To this may be 
 added, a strict embargo laid upon the ex- 
 change of all low thoughts or vulgar senti- 
 ments, in the nursery ; such as personal 
 remarks upon other people's children, made 
 to please the mother by bringing them into 
 disadvantageous comparison with her own ; 
 observations upon dress, and manners, fur- 
 niture, carriages, and equipments, calculated 
 to inspire in the minds of children false ideas 
 of the value of wealth, and consequently a 
 false estimate of individual character. All 
 these, though they may on the first view of 
 the subject seem to have little to do with 
 generosity, are parts of a whole elements 
 of that domestic atmosphere which childhood 
 cannot breathe without more or less expan- 
 sion of soul ; and it is scarcely necessary to 
 say, that the low style of thought and con- 
 versation here alluded to, is one of the last 
 ingredients we should look for in the forma- 
 tion of a truly generous character. 
 
 In connection with this subject, we must 
 not forget to observe, that there is a grudging 
 way of doing kindnesses, even to children, 
 which must have an injurious effect as re- 
 gards generosity of feeling. Some parents, 
 too, will not make them any just allowance 
 ! of money, even when they are of an age to 
 understand its value, but on every applica- 
 tion for necessary expenses, will grumble as 
 much as if they were actually robbed ; while 
 others, or most probably the same individuals, 
 will, in making presents to their children, 
 dwell so much upon the cost, the trouble, and 
 the inconvenience incurred, as to throw over 
 the receivers of such gifts an air of meanness, 
 for being willing to accept, as a means of 
 selfish gratification, what has been purchased 
 so dearly by another. 
 
 Whatever is given, then, should be given 
 freely, in order that it may be freely received ; 
 for as regards the moral training of children, 
 it is better a thousand times to let them see 
 and feel the difference betwixt grudging and 
 generosity, than to mix up the two ideas in 
 their minds, by accustoming them to be the 
 subjects of generous actions, performed in a 
 grudging spirit 
 
 It is a safe plan, too, for parents never to 
 make any direct reference to desert, in con- 
 ferring gifts or benefits upon their children ; 
 because, independently of real merit being so 
 difficult to decide upon, owing to the im- 
 mense variety of circumstance and disposi- 
 tion which has to be taken into account, it is 
 a false foundation for any human being to 
 build upon, beyond stipulated remuneration 
 for actual service done. It is justice, if we 
 knew how to exercise it, which bears imme- 
 diately upon real merit; while generosity 
 refers rather to what we need, than to what 
 we are. If I might be allowed such an illus- 
 tration of the subject, I should say, that by 
 justice we all, as transgressors, stand con- 
 demned ia the sight of God ; while by gene- 
 rosity we are made partakers of the hope of 
 salvation. And shall we not seek to exercise 
 towards each other, and to inculcate into the 
 minds whose training is committed to our 
 care, a principle of action so peculiarly adapted 
 to our situation, both as regards this life, and 
 the life which is to come? To be acquitted 
 of all blame, is much; but to be forgiven 
 where there is blame, is infinitely more, to 
 creatures frail, erring, and dependent, such 
 as we are. This is the benefit we derive 
 from the exercise of generosity ; and which 
 of us in our earthly relations, even the ten- 
 derest and closest which it is possible to form, 
 does not feel that forgiveness is all we dare 
 to ask? while, in relation to our Heavenly 
 Father, it is infinitely more than we deserve ! 
 
 True generosity of feeling is the noblest 
 characteristic by which any human being can 
 be distinguished. We all acknowledge this, 
 but do we all cherish the feeling by every 
 means within our power? If, as regards 
 ourselves, we feel acquitted of all mean, self-
 
 GENEROSITY AND AFFECTION. 
 
 45 
 
 ish, or sinister motives in what we say or 
 do, let us be the more careful, that nothing 
 in our conversation or conduct shall be found 
 to damp the free spirit of generosity in the 
 young characters around us. Let us endea- 
 vor to rise above those little envyings, and 
 jealousies, which so often beset with thorns 
 the path of woman ; and when tempted to 
 imbitter our kind services by a grudging or 
 reproachful manner, let us remember that 
 beautiful description of the Supreme Dispen- 
 ser of all benefits, where he is spoken of as 
 "Him, who giveth to all men liberally, and 
 upbraideth not." 
 
 As generosity then has no direct reference 
 to the merit of the object upon which it is 
 bestowed, so neither has the affection of a 
 parent, or indeed any true affection; for 
 though it is impossible to love what is repul- 
 sive to us, and consequently opposed alike 
 to nature and to reason that the good should 
 attach themselves to the bad ; yet that our 
 affections are but little proportioned to the 
 merit of the objects upon whom they are 
 fixed, the evidence of every day sufficiently 
 proves. And happy indeed is it for some of 
 UB, that we can be loved even as we are. 
 Happy is it, especially, for the plain, the dull, 
 the froward child, that, as one of the most 
 unfortunate of mothers has beautifully said 
 " the loved are lovely." Happy is it, indeed, 
 that a provision has been made in the pa- 
 rent's affection, against all personal defects ; 
 so that the very fact of being less attractive 
 to others, sometimes seems to endear the 
 little uncomplaining subject of neglect, so 
 aa to bring it home with a welcome of ten- 
 fold tenderness, whenever it seeks the shelter 
 of the maternal bosom. 
 
 There is not, in fact, among the deep mys- 
 teries of our being, one circumstance more 
 illustrative of Divine goodness than this 
 that the mother, whose quick eye is ever 
 open to perceive the beauty of her child, 
 whose vanity is ever ready to hail the ap- 
 plause it may meet with from others, and 
 whose ambition is ever building the most 
 exalted schemes upon its future course, 
 should see that beauty wanting, and yet feel 
 
 no repulse ; should watch for that applause, 
 but find it not; and instead of the proud 
 hopes so fondly cherished, should behold a 
 low, obscure, and humble path marked out 
 for the beloved one that the mother should 
 be able to bear all this, and yet experience an 
 increase rather than a diminution of her ten- 
 derness, might indeed supply us with con- 
 vincing proof, had such been needed, that 
 the humblest and most insignificant being in 
 the universe is provided for by a merciful 
 and gracious Father, as kindly as the most 
 exalted. 
 
 The mother must not forget, however, that 
 even in the outpouring of her own affection, 
 there may be something which operates 
 against that of her children's affection in re- 
 turn. There may be a want of sympathy, a 
 want of generosity, or a want of adaptation 
 to their peculiarities of character, which sets 
 them in some measure apart from intimacy 
 with her, and consequently makes her to 
 some extent a stranger to their feelings. To 
 be separated in this manner from a father, is 
 an evil great enough ; but for children not to 
 make a bosom friend of their mother, is a 
 calamity of such magnitude as to demand 
 the most careful examination as regards its 
 cause. 
 
 Perhaps the warm gush of the child's af- 
 fection has not been met by equal warmth in 
 return. Perhaps the germs of feeling, as they 
 unfolded themselves in infant beauty, have 
 been withered by sarcasm, or blighted by con- 
 tempt Perhaps the mother has never thought 
 how important it is, that children should be 
 encouraged to speak freely what they think 
 and feel, in order that their erroneous notions 
 may be corrected. Or, perhaps, the peal of 
 laughter allowed to echo round the social 
 board whenever a mistake has been commit- 
 ted, has closed the expanding heart, and left 
 it in a manner companionless and unknown. 
 Now, it is the mother who ought to stand by 
 her children in all these little instances of in- 
 dividual exposure ; and it is the office of af- 
 fection not only to make reparation where 
 injury has been done, but so to shield from 
 danger and from pain, as to inspire a feeling
 
 48 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of trust and safety under the protection of 
 maternal love. t 
 
 And the father too how beautiful it is 
 sometimes to see his stronger powers of pro- 
 tection brought into action, to defend the lit- 
 tle helpless one from heedlessly inflicted pain ! 
 How beautiful it is to sec and happy is it 
 for families where this can be done with safe- 
 ty the reference of the mother to his autho- 
 rity, as the highest and the best, on all dis- 
 puted points ; with the treasuring up for him 
 those select and appropriate enjoyments 
 which are most adapted to the situation of a 
 weary man coming home to his well-earned 
 reward the enjoyment of his own fireside ! 
 How pleasant then to tell over the little in- 
 cidents of the day little to all the world, but 
 great to them how happy to watch the ex- 
 pression of the father's face, as he listens 
 sometimes with grave attention, or approves 
 with cordial smiles; while he strokes the 
 head of one, as another climbs his knee, and 
 thus dispenses the familiar tokens of his af- 
 fection, so that none can feel either slighted 
 or forgotten ! 
 
 But these are among the sunny spots of 
 life, which it is not permitted that either 
 tongue or pen should describe. As the glow 
 of the winter's hearth, all bright and cheer- 
 ing as it is, has an influence more felt than 
 seen ; so there is a life-giving warmth to 
 those who form the charmed circle, in these 
 simple but yet touching scenes, of which no- 
 thing in after life can destroy the vitality, and 
 still less efface the remembrance. It is from 
 such fountains as these, gushing forth in the 
 secret of domestic life, that those streams of 
 affection are supplied, from which we have 
 to draw, in our intercourse with society, and 
 with the world. There will be much in this 
 intercourse calculated to divert the streams 
 from their true course, to diminish or retard 
 their healthy flow ; but let us ask the Divine 
 blessing upon our efforts to keep the fountain 
 fresh and pure, for without that they can 
 neither give beauty nor fertility to the path 
 of life. 
 
 I have sometimes thought that those simple 
 sunny spots of human life I have here allud- 
 
 ed to, were like the green knolls in a lovely 
 landscape, left out by the painter as insignifi- 
 cant in comparison with the rocky heights, 
 the falling torrents, and the precipitous ra- 
 vines ; yet chosen by the husbandman, and 
 cultivated with peculiar care, because they 
 alone are capable of yielding the harvest upon 
 which his happiness depends. It is thus 
 with what is great and wonderful in the pic- 
 ture of human life, upon which we sometimes 
 gaze with an ill-directed ambition to tread its 
 dizzy heights, or penetrate its mysterious 
 depths, forgetful of the danger and the weari- 
 ness inevitably attending such an adventurous 
 career. Nor is it sometimes until experience 
 has taught us, that the heights above are cold 
 and barren, and the depths beset with perils 
 profitless and dreary, that we come back 
 perhaps too late, when the autumn tints are 
 upon the landscape, to seek again for the 
 green knolls, and to wish we had been con- 
 tented with the freshness, the verdure, and 
 fertility, which might still have smiled around 
 us there. 
 
 It is an ungrateful part of the duty of those 
 who write upon the moral tendency of hu- 
 man actions, and who consequently presume 
 to examine motives, to cry beware ! when 
 others see no danger, and thus to bring upon 
 themselves the odium of being cynical and 
 gloomy in their general views of human life ; 
 when in reality their love of what is estima- 
 ble in human character is too intense to per- 
 mit them to rest satisfied under the appre- 
 hension of its being obscured by some advan- 
 cing cloud. More especially is this the case, 
 when childhood with its fresh uncalculating 
 energies becomes the subject of consideration 
 when we sit down to make cool comments 
 upon its outbursts of ungoverned feeling, and 
 its thrilling voice of joy which echoes upon 
 the weary ear like the summer song of birds, 
 startling the tired spirit into hope that some 
 new spring of gladness has been found, when 
 it is but nature at her joyous revelry, making 
 pastime of common and familiar things, and 
 exulting in the fulness of her own delight 
 
 With this ringing shout of joy, the father 
 of a family is sometimes welcomed home,
 
 GENEROSITY AND AFFECTION. 
 
 47 
 
 when, " Let me be first," is the undisguised 
 and general wish ; " Let me be first to meet 
 him at the door," " Let me be first to claim 
 his promised kiss." The father and the mo- 
 ther too partake in their full measure of the 
 general exultation, and the strife of little arms 
 to meet a parent's fond embrace, sends 
 warmth and gladness to his heart But and 
 here lies the ungraciousness of those who 
 cry beware ! at such a time there is some- 
 times hidden a dark secret in that very lan- 
 guage, " Let me be first" Yes, looking on 
 the shaded side of this sweet picture, we be- 
 hold, not always, certainly, but far too often, 
 strife, envy, and passion, among the little anx- 
 ious group, because they cannot all be first ; 
 and we find then that to be distinguished 
 from the many, to enjoy what could not be 
 enjoyed by others, and to obtain the credit of 
 being the most eager and affectionate, has 
 had more than due share in the motives of 
 some, if not of all. 
 
 The parents, however, are too tender, too 
 grateful, and too full of joy, to note this down 
 at such a moment ; and they forget, or per- 
 suade themselves that such a blot upon their 
 pleasant picture has never found a place ; 
 until the evil grows, and grows, and then 
 they find, to their surprise, that the brothers 
 and the sisters of their family are not united 
 in their interests, nor so zealous for each 
 other's, as for their own individual good. 
 
 The fact is, that while affection arises im- 
 perceptibly, and as a natural consequence of 
 their care and kindness, in the hearts of chil- 
 dren towards their parents, it does not, un- 
 less Cultivated by the parents, arise in the 
 same manner, or with equal certainty, in the 
 heart of one child towards another. It is 
 true they are talked into a kind of nursery 
 affection for what is called " the baby," while 
 it is such ; and they may also be taught to 
 say " dear," and speak sweetly to each other 
 sometimes ; but the greedy grasp, the scowl- 
 ing brow, the sly pretence to obtain advan- 
 tage, and the pleasure secretly enjoyed, too 
 plainly indicate, in some families, that the 
 fruits of true affection need not be looked for 
 there. 
 
 Now, in proportion as mothers sincerely 
 desire the future welfare of their children, as 
 they believe th'at in union there is strength, 
 and in family concord real happiness, surely 
 they will endeavor to turn the springs of 
 early affection into such a channel, as that 
 the fair garden over which they watch with 
 such untiring solicitude, may still be watered, 
 even if the mother's care should be with- 
 drawn. 
 
 Beyond a certain period, it is scarcely to 
 be expected that the bond between a parent 
 and a child should be kept unbroken. In 
 the common course of human affairs fami- 
 lies are separated, and parents removed by 
 death ; but so long as brothers and sisters 
 live, they might, if bound by true affection, 
 remain to be a blessing and a help to each 
 other ; and should their parents be spared to 
 them beyond the usual period of family union, 
 what richer harvest could they reap, what 
 more entire fulfilment of their hopes, what 
 reward more precious for " all their sorrows, 
 all their cares," than to see their children 
 happy in them, and in each other 1 so living 
 in harmony and love on earth, as to sustain 
 the hope of their again becoming a united 
 family in heaven! 
 
 All this, however, and it is not too much 
 for maternal love with the Divine blessing to 
 accomplish, is chiefly to be learned in early 
 life, and at home, where that great lesson 
 should be studiously taught, that individual 
 gratification ought never to be sought in op- 
 position to general good. This is the grand 
 secret of social happiness; and we should 
 begin well, by making it an habitual lesson at 
 home, in order that it may be carried out into 
 all the relations formed in after life. 
 
 It is a part of the mother's duty, then, and 
 one to which especial attention should be 
 paid, to see that a spirit of exclusiveness 
 does not find place among her children ; and 
 this can only be done effectually by inspiring 
 them with comprehensive, generous, and 
 affectionate feelings towards each other, so 
 that no single member of the family shall 
 esteem any happiness as complete, in which 
 the others do not partake.
 
 48 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 Human nature is deeply charged with self- 
 ishness. There is no complaint more fre- 
 quently made than that of selfishness being 
 the ruling motive with mankind in general. 
 But granting this to be true, I believe much 
 of the evil is chargeable upon the careless- 
 ness of mothers in the early training of their 
 children ; for sure I am, that no one ever yet 
 was made to experience the value of disin- 
 terested kindness, who did not find in its ex- 
 ercise, a higher, purer happiness, than in the 
 mere gratification of selfish inclination. If, 
 then, a family of children are so trained by 
 their mother, as to seek their truest enjoy- 
 ment in making each other happy, they will 
 not be likely, after having tasted this purer 
 satisfaction, ever to descend again to those 
 lower aims which centre all in self as the 
 supreme object of regard. 
 
 One great means of promoting this union 
 of interest in a family, is for the mother fre- 
 quently to point out to her children the man- 
 ner in which they may oppose, or carry for- 
 ward, little plans for the general good. The 
 fireside circle should not be considered well 
 arranged, when only one or two are made 
 comfortable ; but when all are brought within 
 the influence of light, and warmth, and social 
 feeling. The winter's evening story should 
 not be told until all the listeners are gathered 
 in. The walk to the pleasant wood should 
 not be taken, when it is not possible for all to 
 go. And when such objections are habit- 
 ually brought forward by the mother, and the 
 absent ones are remembered as being worthy 
 of having a treat put off on their account ; 
 when children, too, are often reminded how 
 incomplete their pleasures must be if enjoyed 
 alone, they naturally imbibe the social feeling 
 of their mother, and in time assimilate so 
 much to the tone of her mind, that they would 
 be both ashamed and grieved to be found 
 wanting in affection towards a sister or a 
 brother. 
 
 When illness falls upon one member of a 
 family, we often see the fond mother devoting 
 herself to the duties of the sick-room with 
 unremitting assiduity, while her healthy care- 
 less children run off to their accustomed play, 
 
 more pleased than sorry to have a greater 
 share of liberty than usual, let the cause be 
 what it may. I would not be supposed to 
 mean, in what I am about to say, that such 
 children could with any propriety be con- 
 verted into nurses ; more especially as it 
 often happens that the atmosphere of a sick- 
 room is such as they cannot breathe with 
 safety. But still there are many cases in 
 which the invalid is in a state to receive oc- 
 casionally the kind attentions of the younger 
 members of the family ; and where this is 
 the case, much may be done to alleviate the 
 trials of indisposition, by making it a favor 
 and a privilege to wait upon the sick or help- 
 less one. 
 
 Among the many pitiful spectacles we are 
 accustomed to behold, I have often thought 
 that of a lame boy, watching his happier 
 schoolfellows start off in the merry race from 
 the little mound of earth where he has prop- 
 ped his crutches, is one of the most affecting 
 which the aspect of ordinary life presents; 
 and the situation of the sick child is often too 
 much like that of the lame boy ; for though 
 the mother stays beside it, all the rest are 
 gone; they are gone with their thoughtless 
 laughter, bounding over the green lawn ; and 
 well the little sufferer knows how they are 
 enjoying life, and enjoying it not the less be- 
 cause it is not with them. 
 
 It is a common thing with nurses, and 
 with mothers too, to endeavor to console the 
 invalid by telling of the many choice and 
 excellent things prepared to gratify its appe- 
 tite, of which the others are not permitted to 
 partake ; of the ripe fruit which has been 
 sent as a present for it, and it alone ; or of 
 the treat which is in store for the first day 
 of convalescence, by which it will be distin- 
 guished as an object of envy to the rest All 
 this is practised again and again in the nur- 
 sery and the sick-room ; and then, as the 
 child grows better, it is found fault with for 
 being selfish and greedy, as if selfishness was 
 not a natural and necessary consequence of 
 such a mode of treatment 
 
 How much better would it be, to make the 
 season of sickness a time for drawing the
 
 INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIAL HAPPINESS. 
 
 49 
 
 bonds of family affection closer, for directing 
 every thought and every expression of kind- 
 ness with twofold tenderness to the allevia- 
 tion of suffering and if not of bodily suffer- 
 ing, to that of the mind, so as to convince the 
 invalid that illness is scarcely an affliction 
 when it is the means of calling forth so vast 
 an amount of sympathy and love. Nor in- 
 deed is bodily illness an affliction at all to be 
 compared to those visitations of a darkened 
 spirit, which convey the impression that we 
 are not cared for by those we love, that we 
 are not essential to their happiness, and that 
 life to them would be as full of interest and 
 enjoyment, if we were sleeping in the grave. 
 With the watchful eye of a mother ever near, 
 the kind voices of gentle sisters speaking 
 softly by the bed of pain, the sweet flowers 
 gathered by a brother's hand and brought up 
 fresh with dew, the fond inquiries of an anx- 
 ious father arriving earlier than his wont 
 with all those sweet appliances and means 
 which are prompted by affection in a united 
 and considerate family, illness, instead of 
 being a season of desolateness and distress 
 to a young sufferer, may often be converted 
 into one of real enjoyment, just in proportion 
 as it is made the means of renewing confi- 
 dence, by calling forth convincing proofs of 
 untiring tenderness and love. Instead, then, 
 of feeling withered up into a concentration of 
 self, the heart, under such circumstances, 
 expands and warms into new life ; and while 
 gratitude weeps many a tear of weakness 
 and humility, imagination, busy with the fu- 
 ture, paints in glowing colors the rich return 
 it may, perhaps, be possible to make for all 
 the goodness and the benefit received. 
 
 We see clearly, then, that whether in health 
 or in sickness, in joy or in sorrow, it is the 
 mother's sacred duty to guard against any 
 weakening of the bonds of family affection 
 to see that the fountain of love is kept fresh, 
 and pure, and perpetually flowing. All those 
 calculations which are to master its strong 
 currents, have to come in after life ; all those 
 clear boundary lines, by which its floods are 
 staid, have to be marked out on some future 
 day. The first thing to be done is to keep 
 
 the fountain unsealed, and to let the life-in- 
 spiring waters flow ; for without this, the pil- 
 grimage of life will have neither flowers to 
 enliven, verdure to refresh, nor fruits to sus- 
 tain the traveller on his way. 
 
 CHAPTER VL 
 
 INDIVTDUAI. AND SOCIAL HAPPINESS. 
 
 To a healthy child who has been well 
 trained, nothing appeals more easy than to 
 be happy ; to a child who has been badly 
 trained, whose infant years have been ne- 
 glected or motherless, nothing appears more 
 difficult. There is often something in the 
 bodily constitution, too, which stands in the 
 way of individual happiness, without our be- 
 ing sensible of any actual disease ; and the 
 mother ought to watch carefully every symp- 
 tom of this nature as indications of growing 
 evil, which may frustrate much of the good 
 she naturally looks forward to in the future 
 experience of her child. She ought especially 
 to observe, if, when the family group are 
 loudest in their mirth, there is one who falls 
 back from the cheerful circle, and who, in- 
 stead of caiching the natural infection of 
 laughter and glee, sits moping alone, with 
 cloudy brow, and drooping head, as if inca- 
 pable of partaking in the general feeling. 
 Such a tendency as this, is generally to be at- 
 tributed to some bodily indisposition, of which 
 perhaps the child is not aware ; but it may 
 also arise from a peculiarity of temperament, 
 only to be accounted for upon the principle 
 that there are diseases of mind, as well as 
 body, the seeds of which are inherent in our 
 nature. 
 
 If, in order to correct a melancholy tendency 
 discoverable in infancy, the child is harshly 
 treated, punished, scolded, and compelled to 
 play, it is needless to foretell the utter ruin of 
 its temper, and probably of its moral charac- 
 ter altogether ; for never yet was melancholy 
 expelled except by the substitution of cheer-
 
 50 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 fulness ; and never yet was a child made 
 cheerful by harshness and compulsion. 
 
 While thinking how much a kind and ju- 
 dicious mother can do towards correcting the 
 melancholy temperament of her child, the 
 heart aches for those who have no mother, 
 who, in their moments of sadness and sor- 
 row, are subjected to the ridicule of their 
 companions, and who consequently bear 
 about with them, in their intercourse with 
 others, a wounded spirit smarting at every 
 touch. The premature and excessive suffer- 
 ing of such children when left to the injudi- 
 cious treatment of their companions, or to 
 persons who pay little regard to what they 
 experience, generally renders them selfish in 
 their feelings, and in their tempers bitter and 
 revengeful. They are selfish, upon the natu- 
 ral principle of caring for nobody, because they 
 think nobody cares for them ; and bitter and 
 revengeful, because, being wrapped up in 
 self, and that self, as they imagine, deeply 
 injured, they are perpetually tempted to pay 
 back, in their treatment of others, some por- 
 tion of the suffering they endure. 
 
 It must be granted, however, that this de- 
 scription applies only to extreme cases ; but 
 still there are many degrees of the same evil, 
 to be found existing in the world ; and it is 
 well for mothers to consider the extent to 
 which their children are capable of suffering 
 from want of attention rightly exercised, in 
 order that they may form a higher estimate 
 of the real benefits placed within their power 
 to dispense. 
 
 It was the custom with many well-inten- 
 tioned parents, some fifty years ago, to bring 
 up children under a mistaken notion of root- 
 ing out evil, before good could be introduced ; 
 of breaking the natural will, crossing natural 
 inclination, and subduing pride by constant 
 mortification. Yet, notwithstanding the va- 
 rious modes of discipline adopted in carrying 
 out this notion, people were just a* self-will- 
 ed, as determined to please themselves, and 
 as proud, as they are now. It has by de- 
 grees become evident to persons of common 
 sense, that such violent measures are not 
 adapted to produce the desired effect In- 
 
 deed, some of us have gone so far as to be- 
 lieve, that pride is no more likely to be eradi- 
 cated by constant mortification, than appetite 
 is likely to be destroyed by a scanty supply 
 of food. Inclination, too, whenever it is 
 crossed for the mere sake of punishment, 
 seems to grow and acquire force under the 
 infliction ; just as a delicate frame gains 
 strength by the application of a tonic ; or, if 
 in a few instances harsh treatment does suc- 
 ceed in breaking what is called the natural 
 will, it can only be by destroying the power 
 to will, which is in reality to .render the moral 
 character contemptible and weak. 
 
 But why should the mother, in her moral 
 training, allow weeds of evil growth to gain 
 the ascendancy, before she has planted flow- 
 ers? Let her begin by keeping alive the 
 wholesome glow of cheerfulness throughout 
 the domestic atmosphere, and melancholy 
 will not dare to spread her gloomy pall over 
 a scene so radiant with joy, as that which is 
 presented by a happy and well regulated 
 home. 
 
 After all, however, it is possible that we do 
 not value cheerfulness as we ought We 
 look upon it as an ordinary something which 
 belongs to common minds the property of 
 the milkmaid, the housewife, or the hus- 
 bandman. Yet, granting all this, we must 
 still acknowledge it to be something which 
 kings cannot purchase, though in all proba- 
 bility they often gladly would. And does 
 not the fact of cheerfulness being generally 
 considered as the reward of labor, teach us a 
 pleasant and a useful lesson that cheerful- 
 ness may be procured by industry by al- 
 ways doing something, and by always having 
 something to do 7 
 
 It is in this manner chiefly, that the cheer- 
 fulness of infancy is maintained. Childhood 
 is full of activity, and rich in resources ; and 
 therefore we make a great mistake when we 
 lavish too much of the means of enjoyment 
 upon young children. It is a little later in 
 life that we begin to want the means of being 
 happy ; that the pulse of natural joy throbs 
 languidly ; and that we seek excitement, to 
 warm us into life and feeling.
 
 INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIAL HAPPINESS. 
 
 51 
 
 Nor is it in childhood alone that we see 
 the benefit of cheerfulness, for with plenty 
 of resources, and a cheerful disposition, per- 
 sons more advanced in life are placed almost 
 beyond the reach of disappointment. It is 
 the dull, the flat, and the unoccupied, who 
 hang their happiness upon an evening party, 
 and who are always dependent upon some 
 extraordinary excitement for breaking the 
 monotony of their fruitless lives. " No one," 
 says Miss Hamilton, "under the necessity of 
 earning their daily subsistence, is in any dan- 
 ger of dying either of grief or love." And 
 certainly that constant occupation which pro- 
 motes cheerfulness, is the surest protection 
 against diseases of the mind, and especially 
 against melancholy. 
 
 While seeking the happiness of children, 
 however, we must not be so forgetful of their 
 good, as to pay no regard to the kind of hap- 
 piness which is to be the object of their de- 
 sires. We must not forget that we are all in 
 a state of progression, and that children es- 
 pecially are only commencing what time will 
 mature. Why then should we seek for them 
 a low kind of happiness, such as the indul- 
 gence of appetite, or the mere gratification 
 of the senses in any other way ; since no 
 circumstances in after life, no development 
 of character, and no cultivation of those sen- 
 ses, can render such happiness intense in pro- 
 portion to our improved facilities for obtain- 
 ing it Thus a child who has imbibed the 
 idea that eating and drinking constitute the 
 highest enjoyment, stands in the unfortunate 
 position of having nothing more to gain ; be- 
 cause no cultivation of the sense of taste can 
 enlarge to any considerable extent the pleas- 
 ure it is calculated to afford. 
 
 It is not thus with the pleasures of the 
 mind. Ever progressing, ever enlarging the 
 sphere of its enjoyments, human nature is 
 capable of advancing onward, until it at- 
 tains an approximation to the Divine ; and 
 the higher the range of thought and feeling 
 which it occupies, the purer is the enjoyment 
 ofc which it participates. 
 
 In this intellectual progress, mothers have 
 more to do than most women seem to be 
 
 aware ; because it is peculiarly their province 
 to render the path of learning lovely and at- 
 tractive, and thus to associate feelings of 
 happiness with the acquisition of ideas, the 
 prosecution of study, and the general im- 
 provement of the mental faculties. Mothers 
 are apt to be startled at the idea of educating 
 their children, as if education consisted in 
 nothing but the routine of daily lessons, or as 
 if the extreme of intellectual culture was 
 dependent upon them. Happily, however, 
 theirs is a labor of love, rather than x>f tasks, 
 and it is simply by, and in, this love, that 
 they are called upon to throw the whole 
 weight of their influence, of their powers to 
 charm, to amuse, and fix attention, into the 
 scale of intellectual improvement ; so that no- 
 thing shall be wanting on their part to ren- 
 der their children not only willing, but happy, 
 to go on from step to step, until they learn to 
 love intellectual pleasures for their own sake 
 alone. 
 
 That a mother may effectually do this by 
 the exercise of good feeling and tact, without 
 being herself fully instructed in every branch 
 of learning and science, is evident from the 
 experience of different families ; for we do 
 not want beautiful instances of simple-heart- 
 ed, unpretending mothers, not highly-gifted 
 by nature in any way, who send their chil- 
 dren to school in such a state of mental pre- 
 paration, as to render it a pleasure to conduct 
 their education to its utmost limits. 
 
 " Many ladies," says Miss Edgeworth, 
 " show in general conversation the powers 
 of easy raillery joined to reasoning unen- 
 cumbered with pedantry. If they would 
 employ their talents in the education of 
 their children, they would probably be as 
 well repaid for their exertions, as they can 
 possibly be by the polite but transient ap- 
 plause of the visitors to whom they usually 
 devote their powers of entertaining. A lit- 
 tle praise or blame a smile from a mother, 
 or a frown a moment's attention, or a look 
 of cold neglect have the happy or the fatal 
 power of repressing or of exciting the energy 
 of a child, of directing his understanding to 
 useful or pernicious purposes. Scarcely a
 
 52 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 day passes in which children do not make 
 some attempt to reason about the little events 
 which interest them, and upon these occa- 
 sions a mother who joins in conversation 
 with her children, may instruct them in the 
 art of reasoning without the parade of logi- 
 cal disquisitions." 
 
 It is not then extraordinary powers which 
 are wanted for this purpose, but the right ex- 
 ercise of those peculiar talents with which 
 women are naturally endowed, combined with 
 that earnest love on the part of the mother, 
 which enables her to pursue unwearied the 
 instruction of her children in all common 
 things, and to watch every opportunity for 
 blending information with enjoyment 
 
 I would not, however, by any means neg- 
 lect those auspicious occasions which occur 
 in every family, of throwing off all restraint, 
 and giving free vent to the overflow of affec- 
 tionate and unbounded joy. The return of 
 some member of the household, the arrival of 
 beloved friends, birthdays and other seasons 
 of festivity, afford ample scope for these out- 
 bursts of natural feeling, which ought to be 
 encouraged as a means of keeping up the 
 natural and healthy tone of youthful minds ; 
 for as an hour now and then of absolute romp- 
 ing does infinite good to the bodily health, so 
 an hour now and then of unrestrained and 
 absolute merriment, does equal good to the 
 spirits and characters of children. 
 
 In a rude and ill-regulated family, it is to 
 be feared that such seasons would be marked 
 by turbulence and disaster, beyond what could 
 be rendered conducive to much enjoyment, 
 especially on the part of the older members ; 
 but I am supposing the case of a well-regu- 
 lated family, so trained by the mother, and 
 so under the influence of delicate, affectionate, 
 and generous feelings, that their wildest play 
 would not be rude, nor their loudest mirth of- 
 fensive. 
 
 It seems to be one of the peculiarities of 
 English character not to know how to man- 
 age enjoyment ; while our neighbors on the 
 continent, sometimes manage it a little too 
 much. Those elaborate or costly presents by 
 which they are so fond of creating a beauti- 
 
 ful surprise, those birthday scenes got up 
 with so much machinery of contrivance, and 
 all those periodical displays of generosity and 
 affection, though admirably adapted to figure 
 in a book, have a little too much make-believe 
 about them, to be exactly suited to the reality 
 of English- habits. Besides which, there al- 
 ways hangs about an English heart a certain 
 dread of failure, a horror of being committed 
 in an act of folly, and a shrinking from ridicule, 
 which greatly lessen the number of our enjoy- 
 ments, and often casts a shadow over the gaiety 
 which might otherwise be both harmless and 
 refreshing. There is also, it must be confess- 
 ed, a something desperate and extreme about 
 the English character when strongly excited 
 and destitute of restraint, which seems to ren- 
 der greater restriction necessary in a social 
 point of view, than is required by people of 
 some other countries ; yet I cannot but think 
 that much of this, and much that we see and 
 grieve over in the conduct of our country- 
 people abroad, arises from the want of better 
 regulation in private families, of higher aims 
 in the union of taste with feeling ; but chiefly 
 from the absence of all care that the happi- 
 ness of children should be encouraged to the 
 utmost extent which good order will allow, 
 but at the same time blended with a little more 
 nicety as to the choice of means, a little more 
 tact on the part of mothers, sisters, and mis- 
 tresses of families, a little more taste in short, 
 a little more of the true poetry of life, so that 
 the general tone of the mind, even in its joy- 
 ous moments, shall be in strict harmony with 
 good feeling. 
 
 Were this the case, I believe we should all 
 live in less fear of youth overleaping the ac- 
 customed barrier of good manners, so as to 
 run riot in its excess of merriment ; a.nd while 
 by the same means we should learn to suffer 
 less from the dread of being ridiculous, we 
 should be more generally cheerful, and, upon 
 the whole, more happy than we are. 
 
 And to whom are we to look for improving 
 at once the manners and the morals of social 
 life in this most delicate point, but to the 
 mothers of England * Servants and nurses, 
 in whose company so many children are aU
 
 INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIAL HAPPINESS. 
 
 lowed to play without restraint, and in n 
 other ; they are not fit for such a task. Fa 
 thers are seldom present, and when they are 
 they want the nicety and the tact to manag 
 the minute affairs of domestic life, and espe 
 cially those of individual feeling. It is t< 
 mothers then, alone, that we can look for th 
 improvement so much needed here ; and with 
 all woman's taste and tact, her quickness o 
 feeling, play of fancy, minuteness of observa 
 tion, and facility of adaptation to circumstan 
 ces; with all a mother's love in addition to 
 these, she wants only a higher sense of a 
 mother's duty to convince her that the joyous 
 moments the holidays of mirth which her 
 children are permitted to enjoy, are those 
 which she, above all other human beings, has 
 the privilege of sharing, and, at the same time 
 of converting into lasting good. 
 
 There is no reason why children should be 
 either selfish or vulgar in their mirth ; yet how 
 many do we find who can be well-behaved 
 in what is called company, and yet when let 
 loose to play, are a disgrace to their parents ; 
 who, perhaps, from never associating them- 
 selves with their children's merriment, but 
 having been accustomed to send them always 
 into the nursery to play, and into the compa- 
 ny of servants to run wild, have imposed up- 
 on them a sort of artificial restraint, which 
 makes them decent and tolerable only while 
 it lasts, but leaves them, whenever it is with- 
 drawn, perfect monsters of rudeness, turbu- 
 lence, and disorder. 
 
 It is not difficult to foresee that such chil- 
 dren will grow up with a constant liability to 
 commit themselves in after life, which, under 
 the most favorable circumstances, will mark 
 their habits with a want of ease and of true 
 refinement ; while, under unfavorable circum- 
 stances, it will not improbably be the means 
 of leading them into egregious folly, gross 
 xcess, or fatal error. 
 
 I would not willingly be supposed to forget 
 hat religious principle alone is sufficient to 
 5 reserve even such persons as are here de- 
 scribed, from the extremes alluded to ; but I 
 am also aware, that even in religious charac- 
 ers, there are sometimes strange anomalies, 
 
 deviations from true taste, and even uncon 
 scious offences against good feeling, which 
 do incalculable harm to the interests of re 
 ligion ; and I am therefore the more earnes. 
 in writing on this subject, that mothers 
 should begin in time by laying the founda 
 tion of lovely, good, and happy characters 
 at once. 
 
 We sometimes find among truly excellen 
 persons, a painful and unnatural kind of 
 dread of being too cheerful ; and where the 
 pleasures of childhood have been wholly 
 neglected, where buoyant spirits have been 
 allowed to run and riot without a mother's 
 care, there is unquestionably great danger of 
 the barrier of propriety being broken through 
 in after life by the indulgence of cheerfulness. 
 But how deeply it is to be regretted, mat that 
 particular state of mind which is in reality 
 the most truly happy, should be deterred, by 
 fear, from exhibiting itself before the world 
 in its natural character of healthy cheerful- 
 ness, and thus give cause for an opinion, too 
 frequently entertained, that religion is a 
 gloomy thing ! If by no other reason the 
 pious mother can be convinced of the im- 
 portance of her influence in this particular 
 sphere of duty, surely it is sufficient, if by 
 sharing with her children in their harmless 
 mirth, and teaching them how to be happy 
 without offence to God or man, she can 
 beautify their characters in after life with 
 more of those graces of mind and manners, 
 which are at once attractive to the world, and 
 lonorable to the cause of religion. 
 
 As the first and surest means of promoting 
 ndividual, as well as social happiness, I 
 would propose the cultivation of a spirit of 
 ove. The more we love, the less our 
 houghts and interests are centred in self; 
 ,nd consequently the less we suffer from all 
 hose little personal slights, vexations, and 
 disappointments, which so often imbitter the 
 up of life. The more we love, also, the 
 nore we forgive ; and to whom much is for- 
 
 n, the same loveth much; BO that nothing 
 s more true, than that love begets love in re- 
 urn. Thus then our energies are drawn 
 ut into those kindred charities, which,
 
 54 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 whether given or received in the true spirit 
 of generous affection, have power to lighten 
 every burden we have to bear, and to sweet- 
 en every draught of which we have to drink. 
 The more we love, the more we enjoy the 
 inestimable privilege of being able to ask a 
 blessing upon what we desire, and upon 
 what we do ; because we can neither lie 
 down at night, nor rise to the duties of the 
 day, without bearing in our hearts the re- 
 membrance of that sweet fellowship, which 
 binds together the whole human race as one 
 family, under the protection of our Father 
 who is in heaven. 
 
 How little is understood of the real value 
 and right exercise of love, by those morbid 
 miserable beings, who fix their whole hopes 
 of happiness upon one, or two, or many, and 
 think they are loving, while they are only 
 thirsting to be loved only waiting in anxious 
 and fretful expectation for evidence that they 
 are so ; or recoiling from the world with dis- 
 appointment and spleen on every cause for 
 suspicion that they are not Such persons 
 generally keep a strict account against so- 
 ciety, of what they consider due to them- 
 selves, as well as of what they receive. Yet 
 they forget to compare it with another ac- 
 count with what is due from them, and 
 what they actually give. 
 
 But there is no calculation, and there 
 needs no account, on the part of those whose 
 hearts have been imbued in early childhood 
 with the true spirit of love. To such it be- 
 comes as the very breath of life, for without 
 being able to love, they would pine and with- 
 er. IfJ in the interchange of kind offices, 
 they occasionally find themselves neglected, 
 what is that to them? In their love they 
 seek only the good and the happiness of oth- 
 ers, and that is generally more or less in 
 their power to promote. If the beings by 
 whom they are surrounded, and perhaps 
 even the nearest and the dearest, are not all 
 they desire, it is the noblest exercise of love 
 to forgive, and the next to endeavor to im- 
 prove. If also, in the exercise of affection, 
 they meet sometimes with but little or no re- 
 turn, they accept the rebuke as from a Fa- 
 
 ther, who, in chastening those whom he 
 loves, has appointed such means for leading 
 them into closer self-examination, into strict- 
 er watchfulness, and more faithful endeavors, 
 in order that no fault indulged, no opportu- 
 nity neglected, and no faculty unemployed, 
 may stand in the way of rendering the ser- 
 vice he has enjoined, as a duty we owe one 
 towards another, more acceptable in his 
 sight 
 
 Such then is the effect of an early and 
 consistent exercise of the spirit of love, ex- 
 tending in the first place to all beneath the 
 paternal roof, and afterwards throughout the 
 varied intercourse we hold with society a 
 spirit, which, where it is rightly exercised, 
 has no tendency to blind us to the faults of 
 others, or to lead us to undervalue those 
 proofs of affection which are really directed 
 to ourselves ; but which creates around us 
 a kind of genial atmosphere, too clear and 
 bright for the weeds which grow around our 
 path to remain undiscovered ; yet, at the 
 same time, so pure, healthy, and invigor- 
 ating, as to stimulate to eager cultivation of 
 the flowers, secure in the confidence that 
 they will abundantly repay our care. 
 
 Nor should we forget, in the contemplation 
 of this subject especially, that beautiful har- 
 mony in the order of Providence, by which 
 all that is best adapted to produce good to 
 others, is in reality most conducive to our 
 own happiness. Had we been created only 
 to feel happy in the exercise of those pas- 
 sions which dissever families, and break asun- 
 der the bonds of society, how different would 
 have been our situation on earth ! But in 
 the benign commandment of the Saviour to 
 his disciples that they should love one ano- 
 ther, in making this love even the test of 
 their fellowship with him, we recognize at 
 once a principle, which, above all others, has 
 power to bless and to bind on earth, while it 
 constitutes a passport to the blessedness and 
 the union of heaven. 
 
 Next in degree to the exercise of the af- 
 fections, as a means of promoting individual 
 as well as social happiness, is that of one of 
 the faculties of the human mind, the cultiva-
 
 INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIAL HAPPINESS. 
 
 55 
 
 tion of which is too little regarded in the 
 training of youth. I mean the faculty of ad- 
 miration, which, if properly directed, under 
 the influence of religious feeling, has the ef- 
 fect of raising, by imperceptible degrees, the 
 moral nature of man in his intellectual, as 
 well as his spiritual enjoyments. 
 
 It is too much the tendency of the present 
 day to confine the exercise of admiration to 
 what is of man's invention, elaborate, costly, 
 and artificial to the arts and manufactures 
 which belong to a high state of civilization, to 
 the patent inventions of the day, to the new- 
 est fabrics, or the most expensive ornaments 
 in short, to all which may be regarded as 
 characteristic of an " age of great cities ;" 
 rather than to a development of those princi- 
 ples of harmony and beauty, which pervade 
 the universe at large. I presume not to say 
 that these are not good good in a certain 
 manner, and to a certain extent; but good 
 as the objects of our highest admiration, they 
 certainly are not, and especially for this rea- 
 son because they are material, and only grat- 
 ify the senses, without leaving any beneficial 
 or indelible impression upon the soul. 
 
 The cultivation of a true taste necessarily 
 belongs to this part of our subject, because it 
 rests very much with parents to direct their 
 children's admiration as they choose ; and 
 whatever they most admire, becomes natu- 
 rally the standard of true taste to them. It 
 may fairly be said, then, that the taste of the 
 present day is for every thing material. When 
 young people now turn their attention to in- 
 tellectual pursuits, it is to collect specimens, 
 not ideas. Imagination in its higher walks is 
 discarded, and even our works of fiction are 
 only valued so far as they present a succes- 
 sion of active scenes, so exaggerated as to 
 produce the effect of startling the senses. All 
 this may be tolerated in the present genera- 
 tion, because we have yet among us the re- 
 mains of a higher order of thought and feel- 
 ing ; but it will tell to a lamentable extent 
 upon the next, when all enthusiasm for poe- 
 try and the fine arts will have become extinct. 
 Already it may be said that poetry is banish- 
 ed from our world ; and if painting still lin- 
 
 gers on the stage of public observation, it is 
 too much regarded as a scene a show a 
 pageant of the moment, and no more. It is 
 true that music has burst forth among the 
 million, to assert its rights as a natural and 
 almost necessary gratification ; but it is to be 
 feared that the machinery by which it is got 
 up, the noise, and the exhibition, have more 
 to do with this means of enjoyment, than the 
 voice and the language which it offers to the 
 music of the soul. 
 
 I am aware that I am venturing upon dan- 
 derous ground, presuming to oppose a mere 
 straw or a feather, to the great tide of popu- 
 lar feeling, but when one has the means of 
 speaking to the many, it becomes a sacred 
 duty to say in what we really think mankind 
 are regardless of their happiness and their 
 good. 
 
 Now it must be evident to all who think 
 seriously on this subject, that if we fix our 
 ideas of the highest excellence, and conse- 
 quently our admiration upon what is mate- 
 rial, costly, and elaborate, our happiness in 
 this world must depend upon our pecuniary 
 means, for without money there can be no pos- 
 session of this material excellence. Hence, 
 then, the strife, the turmoil, the dread in 
 which we live, lest adverse circumstances, 
 the change of public fancy, the lowering of 
 markets, or the failure of a bargain, should 
 deprive us of that which is our chief, or only 
 source of enjoyment. It is evident too, that 
 there can be no refreshment to the mind, in 
 the pursuit of this material excellence ; be- 
 cause there is nothing in it which brings the 
 thoughts into necessary and direct relation to 
 the Supreme Being ; and hence the weari- 
 ness with which so many thousands pursue 
 their unremitting avocations, not one half of 
 the faculties, with which as immortal beings 
 they are endowed, having found exercise in 
 what constitutes the business of their lives. 
 
 For the remedy of this evil, I am not vision- 
 ary enough to look to any alteration in our 
 political economy, or to suppose that a new 
 company will start up to protect the poetry of 
 life; but I still think that much might be 
 done by mothers to instil into the minds of
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 children a higher taste, and at the same time 
 one which would be productive of more last- 
 ing happiness. The season in all probability 
 will come, when their children will have to 
 mix with the many in a course of action 
 which scarcely admits of time for the exercise 
 of thought, beyond such mental calculations 
 as are required in carrying on the business 
 of the day ; and since the dull routine of ne- 
 cessary occupation in the present times pre- 
 vents in a great measure those stirring and 
 intense emotions which fix impressions indel- 
 ibly upon the mind, it becomes a more im- 
 portant duty on the part of mothers, to seek 
 for their children those sources of enjoy- 
 ment which the natural world affords those 
 sources of enjoyment of which a reverse of 
 fortune will not be likely to deprive them ; 
 which require no strife or contention to ob- 
 tain; which can be shared with the whole 
 human race, and still enhanced by sharing ; 
 and which, while they expand and invigorate 
 the mind, throw it open to clear and indeli- 
 ble impressions of the wisdom, the power, 
 and the goodness of its Creator. 
 
 That natural joyousness of childhood, which 
 is the surest and the happiest medium for 
 receiving impressions, is best cultivated in a 
 country life. Where this cannot be enjoyed 
 altogether, it is the duty of parents to take 
 their children into the country sometimes, 
 and as often as they can ; and if such sea- 
 sons of relaxation be properly employed, the 
 time and money bestowed upon them will 
 not be found wasted. 
 
 It is worth some cost, and some effort, to 
 give young people lasting and deep impres- 
 sions of the beautiful and sublime in nature ; 
 nor need this be confined to nature alone ; for, 
 having imbibed such impressions, they will 
 ever afterwards be able to recognize the same 
 principles in art. Yet how often, instead of 
 roaming over hills, listening to waterfalls, 
 and holding converse with the spirit of na- 
 ture, are children taken in the summer to 
 fashionable bathing-places, or other scenes of 
 public resort, to wear their best clothes, walk 
 out in tight shoes, and hear their mammas 
 and aunts descant upon the elegance of the 
 
 Dutchess of D 's equipage ! How often is 
 the conversation, during their walks on the 
 public promenades, filled up with what dis- 
 tinguished persons have arrived at the new 
 Hotel ; what bonnet was worn by Lady B ; 
 who danced with the young heiress ; and to 
 what places, but particularly to what shops, 
 all the world resorts ! And this is called go- 
 ing into the country ! If such be going into 
 the country, we may safely say it is taking 
 the town along with us. 
 
 Oh, never let such an insult be offered to 
 the trusting heart of youth, as to call that na- 
 ture, which the " glass of fashion" offers to 
 our view ! If young people go to breathe the 
 invigorating sea-breezes, let them, in justice 
 to nature, see the great ocean as it really is, 
 broad, bold, and deep, without the fringe of 
 fashion on its shores. Let them listen to the 
 roaring waves, and run before the sparkling 
 foam, and watch the hollow breakers rise and 
 curl, and dash themselves to rest Or let 
 them, on still evenings, see the moonlight on 
 the water, her silver pathway over the great 
 deep crossed at intervals by the fisherman's 
 lonely bark, while his rugged form appears 
 for a moment in dark relief, as if contrasting 
 the corporeal with the spiritual And then 
 let music break the silence music soft and 
 sweet, and long remembered ; for these are 
 pictures graven on the mind ; and the sounds 
 then whispered to the soul, are like the lan- 
 guage it was born with for the utterance of 
 its secret joys. 
 
 Let parents sometimes take their children 
 to the wild hills, where the foot of fashion 
 has never trod. Let them pluck the forest 
 flowers, and weave garlands of the purple 
 heather, and spread their arms to catch the 
 breeze, and look abroad from the bold height, 
 on, far away away into the distance, until 
 they see the littleness of intervening things. 
 Let them descend into the valley, go into the 
 cottages of the poor, and talk with the shep- 
 herd of the phenomena of winds and clouds. 
 Let them learn of him what observations he 
 has made in his lone watchings among the 
 hills. Let them ask of the peasant about 
 seed-time and harvest ; let them taste of his
 
 INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIAL HAPPINESS. 
 
 57 
 
 household bread; let them listen to the le- 
 gends of the place, the old wife's story, the 
 history of the fairy-ring, or of the castle where 
 the great lord dwelt in the ancient times. 
 Let them trace the course of the mountain 
 stream from the far heights where it falls in- 
 to a stony basin drop by drop, down the cat- 
 aract steps by which it leaps into the plain ; 
 and then show them the same stream in the 
 distance, a calm deep river winding its sil- 
 very way towards the sea. Nor let them 
 overlook the beautiful and no less wonderful 
 minutiae of nature the grasshopper in the 
 rich meadow, the wild bees among the 
 broom, or the trout in the sylvan stream. 
 Teach them then to know the song of every 
 warbler in the summer woods ; point out to 
 them the old rookery around the chimneys 
 of the farm-house ; and all the while describe 
 to them the wonders of the vast realm of na- 
 ture, with the habits and instincts of those in- 
 numerable tribes, scarcely heard of in our 
 cities ; so that they shall feel, and under- 
 stand, and remember, by the strong impres- 
 sions produced upon the spot, that there has 
 been at work, in all this, some mighty and all- 
 pervading Power, before whom the inven- 
 tions of man are but as the honey and the 
 comb of the little hive beneath the rays of a 
 noonday sun. 
 
 If I were asked to point out the happiest 
 situation on earth, I believe I should say 
 that in which children enjoy a free life in the 
 country, shared with affectionate brothers 
 and sisters, and watched over by kind and 
 judicious parents. Yet how little pains are 
 taken to procure this happiness for children ! 
 How much more intent are persons in gene- 
 ral upon obtaining handsome drawing-rooms, 
 and costly dresses in short, upon keeping 
 up that external appearance, which is a pass- 
 port to what is called good society. And 
 when the drawing-room is furnished, the 
 dresses purchased, and the appearance un- 
 exceptionable, what is it all worth? Not 
 one of the thousand aches of head and 
 heart which the extreme of material excel- 
 lence must under ordinary circumstances 
 cost 
 
 But I shall be accused of barbarism of 
 wishing to go back to a state of nature, and 
 to live on forest-fruit, if I write in this strain ; 
 for it would require volumes to explain the 
 subject fully, in all its bearings upon human 
 happiness. Suffice it then to say, that it is 
 only the excess of admiration bestowed upon 
 material excellence, of which I complain the 
 habit of admiring only what money can pro- 
 cure ; and consequently of neglecting those 
 sources of happiness which are offered freely 
 to all, and the enjoyment of which is associ- 
 ated with activity and cheerfulness with 
 health, both of body and mind. 
 
 By confining our taste too much to what 
 is at the same time material and artificial, we 
 discard imagination from the sphere of our 
 enjoyments, and consequently contract and 
 vulgarize our means of gratification. There 
 may be a play of fancy in the invention of a 
 new pattern there may be a display of ele- 
 gance in the furnishing of a house there 
 may be an agreeable combination of colors in 
 a fashionable costume, and all these are wor- 
 thy of admiration, in their way ; but such ob- 
 jects of admiration do not expand the feel- 
 ings and elevate the soul ; they merely de- 
 velop in a familiar and practical form, those 
 principles of order, harmony, and beauty, 
 which ought previously to have been im- 
 pressed upon the mind by the more striking 
 phenomena of nature. In order properly to 
 enjoy the works of art, these principles should 
 previously have been recognized in their 
 more distinct and intelligible cnaracters. In 
 order to be duly appreciated, beauty should 
 some time or other have burst, as it were, 
 upon the eye and the mind of the child at 
 once. It should have been constrained to 
 admire it, and to admire it heartily ; for it is 
 important to our happiness that we should be 
 able to admire with warmth, and even with 
 enthusiasm ; and pitiable indeed is that be- 
 ing, who, after spending a life in learning 
 what ought to be admired, finds at last that 
 the power is wanting. 
 
 With regard to imagination, it is often 
 spoken of as a dangerous faculty, and treated 
 as if given for man's misery, rather than his
 
 58 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 good ; yet surely it must in justice be allow- 
 ed, that if, in connection with an ill-regulated 
 mind, imagination is capable of rendering 
 sorrow more intense, it is equally capable of 
 enhancing, under more favorable circum- 
 stances, all our highest and most refined en- 
 joyments. 
 
 Why then should we wish to discard the 
 use of this faculty altogether 1 The fact is, 
 we cannot discard it Imagination is ever at 
 work, combining preconceived impressions 
 into new and striking forms ; and where no 
 allowance is made for the exercise of this 
 faculty where it is pent up without any 
 natural or appropriate outlet it will burst 
 forth like a smothered flame, and in all prob- 
 ability deface or consume, when it .might 
 have illuminated with a welcome and cheer- 
 ing light 
 
 I was once in a dark parlor in the midst 
 of a great city, where a little child, just able 
 to lisp a few words, was busily employed in 
 playing that he gathered up the green of the 
 carpet, which he called parsley, and pretend- 
 ed to lay in handfuls upon a stool, which also 
 boasted some corresponding green. " Don't 
 say so, my dear. It is not parsley ;" said 
 the father several times, in serious concern 
 for his little boy's veracity. Alas ! poor child ! 
 the only notion it had ever formed of any thing 
 fresh and green, was of the parsley it had 
 seen garnishing a dish ; and this idea, with 
 which its imagination was so busy, was to 
 be utterly extinguished, because it was only 
 an idea, and not a reality. The child, if it 
 wished to amuse itself, would have to begin 
 again with another set of ideas, with the 
 faded worsted, and the little old stool it had 
 played with so often before. It is needless 
 to say, that with the extinction of its notion 
 about the green parsley, its pleasant illusion 
 was gone. It might strike, and pull, and lift, 
 or act the mere animal in any other way, for 
 under such circumstances there was little else 
 to be done ; but it might not use again the 
 remembrance of a sprig of green parsley, so 
 as to beautify with this image the little world 
 in which it was pent up. 
 
 The father of this child was a talented and 
 
 excellent man, himself an enthusiastic admirer 
 of poetry, but he had probably never reflect- 
 ed upon the important place which imagina- 
 tion occupies in the minds of those who enjoy 
 the purest happiness, as well as those to which 
 the greatest influence over others belongs. 
 He was not one, however, who could have 
 failed to observe that the language of the 
 Holy Scriptures is pre-eminent in its display 
 of the exercise of imagination. In all the 
 most impressive sermons too, and in all those 
 appeals to the human heart which produce 
 the strongest conviction and the deepest effect, 
 imagination is the instrument chiefly made 
 use of, although often unconsciously, by the 
 speaker. 
 
 Since then we cannot, if we would, destroy 
 this faculty, and since moreover it is capable 
 of elevating, at the same time that it enlarges, 
 the sphere of our enjoyments, we should seek 
 for it an appropriate and healthy exercise, 
 even in the season of early youth. And here 
 it is especially to be observed, that it is to the 
 uninformed, the indolent, and the low-mind- 
 ed, that imagination is the most dangerous 
 in its exercise. When the mind is well stored, 
 as well as well regulated, the habits active 
 and industrious, and the taste truly elevated 
 and refined, works of imagination and speci- 
 men ts of art, as a means of gratification, may 
 be allowed to a much greater extent, than 
 when the associations are vulgar, and the 
 fancy consequently likely to be caught by 
 what is least worthy of attention. An intense 
 and absorbing admiration of what is excellent 
 in poetry and art, will lead the mind which is 
 imbued with a deep sense of beauty, over much 
 that a coarse or vulgar mind would detect 
 as objectionable, and which would in reality 
 be so to it We cannot therefore be too care- 
 ful how we introduce to characters of this 
 stamp, even those works of imagination which 
 all the world has conceded the right to be 
 considered as standards of excellence. There 
 are many pleasures for the low-minded in 
 their own way, and they ought to be content 
 with these, rather than endeavor to lay hold 
 of such as they are neither capable of appre- 
 ciating, nor of turning to good account
 
 INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIAL HAPPINESS. 
 
 59 
 
 It is too common to call that modesty, 
 which is only vulgar-mindedness ; but on the 
 other hand, it is the mothe/s delicate part so 
 to watch over the impressions and associa- 
 tions of her children, as to guard them with 
 the most scrupulous care, wherever delicacy 
 of feeling is concerned ; because if once de- 
 stroyed, the purity of the mind will in all 
 probability never be restored. There will be 
 much in their future intercourse with the 
 world to blunt the fine edge of feeling, and 
 therefore it is better a thousand times to go 
 forth into society a little too scrupulous, than 
 too regardless of that nice boundary-line 
 which marks out the limits of true delicacy 
 of feeling. 
 
 Next to the study of nature, I believe that 
 of the fine arts has much to do with refining 
 the character, and raising it above those grov- 
 elling and vulgar interests which occupy 
 too much of our time and thoughts. I forget 
 what writer uses the expression, but it has 
 been well said, that " the too great keenness 
 of our uncharitable temper may almost al- 
 ways be softened by a taste for the pictu- 
 resque, as well as the harmonious;" and 
 certain it is, that a mind deeply impressed 
 with a sense of the beautiful, conversant with 
 the principles of taste, and enriched with the 
 treasures of imagination, will be less likely 
 than one whose admiration has never been 
 attracted by subjects of this nature, to occupy 
 itself with the little bickerings and jealousies 
 which arise out of interests of a mere local 
 and transitory nature. 
 
 We should take care then, that in the en- 
 joyments of children, there is blended a refer- 
 ence to the principles of true taste ; and, as 
 in all things relating to the training of youth, 
 we ought to act upon the plan of excluding 
 what is objectionable, by filling up the space 
 with what is good ; so we ought to begin 
 early to cultivate a just estimate of what is 
 really worthy of admiration. How few persons 
 think of this, who live in great cities, and 
 take their children to see all the passing shows 
 of the day, in preference to those objects of 
 deep and lasting interest from which a true 
 taste might be formed ! How many too, on 
 
 taking their children for the first time to 
 London, fly here and there in pursuit of 
 sights which will be forgotten in a month, and 
 never spare a quiet half-hour for Westminster 
 Abbey, or for any of those exhibitions of 
 sculpture and painting, where they may both 
 think and feel where they may drink from 
 the fountain of beauty, and be still. 
 
 I do not mean to say that children at a very 
 early age would derive any benefit from such 
 objects of attraction. It would be a waste of 
 effort to attempt to introduce to their minds 
 any conception of beauty, as an abstract idea. 
 But there is a time when a sense 01 the beau- 
 tiful, the harmonious, and the sublime, begins 
 to dawn upon the soul ; and the mother, if 
 she has any poetry in her own nature, knows 
 well how to discern the commencement of 
 this new existence, for I can call it nothing 
 less. 
 
 One of the symptoms of this change, is a 
 habit of deep thought I have thus far spoken 
 of individual happiness chiefly in its character 
 of cheerfulness and joy ; but we all know 
 that there is, beyond this, a happiness more 
 profound, and that all deep happiness is still. 
 Children vary much in their capability for 
 this feeling. Some begin at a very early age 
 to creep quietly to the mother's side, and to 
 lead her out into converse upon deep and 
 interesting themes ; and it is then, above all 
 other times, that the mother ought to bear 
 upon her heart a sense of that higher, deeper, 
 more absorbing happiness, which is derived 
 from the contemplation of a Supreme Being, 
 in connection with his love for all the families 
 of earth, his care of the helpless, and hi? 
 merciful designs for the redemption and the 
 eternal salvation of all. 
 
 Alas ! how often is the idea of a Supreme 
 Being brought first before the minds of chil- 
 dren, when they are under chastisement for 
 having done wrong ! How many are told 
 then, and then only, that there is an All-seeing 
 eye upon them, detecting their falsehoods, 
 and discovering their secret sins ! while those 
 sweet moments of familiar intercourse, when 
 the dew of affection lies fresh upon the soul, 
 and hope springs forth in the bright sunshine
 
 60 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of happiness how often are such moments 
 neglected, or occupied only with mean and 
 trivial things ! Yet why, when we are so 
 ready in the management of children, to bring 
 to our aid the terrors of a God of justice 
 why are we not equally ready to make use 
 of the attractiveness of a God of love ? 
 
 I am aware that parents whose own minds 
 are under the influence of religious feeling, 
 in the cojirse of their religious instruction, 
 but especially when they explain to their 
 children the scheme of man's redemption 
 through the Saviour's sacrifice of himself, 
 dwell much upon the kindness and the mercy 
 of Him who so loved the world that he gave 
 his only-begotten Son to save sinners. But 
 children generally receive many impressions 
 with regard to the Supreme Bekig,long before 
 they can be made to enter into this view of 
 his character ; and it is chiefly as relates to 
 their earliest impressions to those just views 
 which are to fill and occupy the mind to the 
 exclusion of all others, that I would urge 
 upon mothers the importance of directing 
 their attention to this subject 
 
 I am convinced that nothing need be lost 
 nay, rather that much may be gained, by 
 associating feelings of happiness with the first 
 impressions which a child receives of a su- 
 preme and superintending Power. I am con- 
 vinced of this, because there is no faculty of 
 the soul capable of producing enjoyment by 
 its exercise upon the things of time, which is 
 not also capable of enhancing that enjoy- 
 ment a thousand-fold, by its exercise upon 
 the things of eternity. When we speak of 
 affection, it is something certainly to feel 
 bound to those we love, even for the brief 
 term of our existence upon earth ; but it is 
 nothing in comparison with that bond of un- 
 broken and unending union which will hold 
 together the one great family of the redeemed 
 in heaven. When we speak of admiration, 
 it is something to behold the shadowing forth 
 of beauty upon earth, to feel the swelling of 
 the heart in its comprehension of the sub- 
 lime, or its repose in the deep sense of the 
 harmony of nature ; but of what value 
 would be all this " enlargement of exist- 
 
 ence," if here it was to end ? if the barrier 
 of the grave was to put a stop to the spirit 
 in its upward flight, and if death was to hide 
 the beautiful forever ? No ; we have learn- 
 ed a happier lesson than this ; for we know, 
 and we ought to feel, that as the exercise of 
 love and admiration afford us the highest en- 
 joyment here, they are, above all other facul- 
 ties, those which, if rightly exercised, are ca- 
 pable of adding to our felicity when the shad- 
 ows of time shall be lost in the light of eter- 
 nity. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 MORAL COURAGE AND WORLDLT-MINDEDXESS. 
 
 ONE great defect in the minor morals of 
 society in the present day, appears to me to 
 be a want of moral courage ; and as this is 
 chiefly felt under the encroachments of 
 worldly-mindedness, I propose to class the 
 two subjects together, anomalous as they 
 may at first sight appear, in one chapter. 
 
 A want of moralcourage is most frequent- 
 ly recognized in a fear of acting in, or even of 
 advocating, a good cause, where blame would 
 attach to the individual who should venture 
 to do so. The different parties in religion, 
 politics, and almost every thing else, which 
 separate individuals, and oppose each other, 
 in the present times, operate as a constant 
 check upon the exercise of moral courage, 
 because we can with difficulty act or speak 
 without offending one set of prejudices or 
 another. 
 
 We must not, however, call that courage 
 which is simply an absence of fear, owing to 
 an absence of knowledge. We sometimes 
 find a thoughtless and inexperienced rider 
 willing to mount the most dangerous horse, 
 and young travellers, rushing headlong into 
 peril, without being aware of the risk to 
 which they are exposed. But this arises 
 out of a very different exercise of the men- 
 tal faculties from what is required first, to 
 see the danger, then to calculate the proba-
 
 MORAL COURAGE AND WORLDLY-MINDEDNESS. 
 
 61 
 
 bility of escape, and after having decided 
 that the motive is sufficient to justify the 
 risk, to face the peril, whatever it may be. 
 Such is the character of true courage, though 
 it frequently operates habitually, where there 
 is little time for making calculations of this 
 nature. 
 
 This particular exercise of courage, how- 
 ever, relates chiefly to personal danger, and 
 even as such is well worthy the attention of 
 mothers in the training of their children ; but 
 that to which I would more especially call 
 their attention, relates more to the dread of 
 blame, the annoyance of opposition, or the 
 apprehension of suffering in our worldly in- 
 terests. And here, as well as in the former 
 case, we must endeavor to arrive at clear 
 views of the subject in all its bearings. We 
 must not always take that for moral courage, 
 which induces some persons to speak direct- 
 ly to a point considered by others of more 
 delicacy as unapproachable ; because this is 
 too often done simply from an absence of feel- 
 ing, and thus too often obtains a degree of 
 credit of which it is wholly unworthy, as be- 
 ing the result of candor and a love of truth. 
 
 Neither must we call that moral courage 
 which leads vulgar-minded and prejudiced 
 persons to speak in a summary way of liking 
 or disliking certain people and things, without 
 any sufficient reason ; though this mode of 
 speaking is apt to gain very much upon chil- 
 dren, whose passions, affections, and sympa- 
 thies, are more easily awakened than their 
 reasoning powers. Fond as they are, then, 
 of pronouncing that decisive sentence " I 
 like," or, "I dislike," they ought to be encour- 
 aged to suspend the one, but more especially 
 the other, until they have some idea what are 
 the grounds upon which they pass such de- 
 cided judgment. 
 
 A want of moral courage lies at the root 
 of almost all the falsehoods which are told in 
 early youth. There is in later life sometimes 
 a love of falsehood for its own sake, which 
 belongs to a degree of depravity not proper- 
 ly taken into account in these pages. And 
 there is also, occasionally, found a strange 
 propensity to tell voluntary and aimless un- 
 
 truths, a case which so nearly borders upon 
 insanity, as to be almost beyond the reach of 
 moral principle. With such a natural phe- 
 nomenon, there are happily few directors of 
 youth who have any thing to do. 
 
 The mother's great duty is to endeavor so 
 to fortify the moral character, as that children 
 shall not be afraid to tell the truth that they 
 shall learn to love truth for its own sake, and 
 to hate a lie. And here it may not be out of 
 place to observe, that, so far as is practicable, 
 we ought, in the training of youth, to search 
 out and make use of all those faculties and 
 propensities of human nature, which are ca- 
 pable of being turned to good account. It 
 has been said by a popular writer of the 
 present day, that "he who cannot hate, can- 
 not love ;" and without altogether coinciding 
 with this extreme view of the case, we must 
 allow that those persons who are most cor- 
 dial in their affections, are generally the 
 warmest in their feelings of indignation and 
 abhorrence, where they believe they see just 
 cause for such feelings. What then is to be 
 done with this propensity to hate, or to ab- 
 hor 1 Is it possible that so powerful an im- 
 pulse should have been given for the sole 
 purpose of being subdued, or rendered utterly 
 extinct] That it should so often be abused, 
 and directed to the worst purposes, by aim- 
 ing at individual character, and opposing 
 itself to the kindly charities of life, is no proof 
 of its being incapable of good ; because there 
 is no propensity of our nature, not even that 
 of loving, which may not be converted into a 
 means of producing misery rather than hap- 
 piness evil rather than good. 
 
 Let us think well on this subject, then, and 
 try if we cannot find some wholesome and 
 beneficial exercise for the impetuous warmth 
 of those feelings, which expend themselves 
 in hating what is abhorrent to their nature, 
 as well as in loving what is in harmony with 
 it. Let us ask whether there may not be a 
 righteous indignation a contempt of what 
 is mean a hatred of what is bad, which 
 may be lawfully indulged? I confess that to 
 me it appears that there is that without 
 such feelings, little would be done in the
 
 62 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 world for the correction of abuse, or the res- 
 cue of the oppressed ; and I believe if we 
 would examine deeply the motives of some 
 of those noble and magnanimous efforts by 
 which the helpless have been torn from the 
 grasp of cruelty, the weak protected from the 
 aggressions of the strong, the slave set free 
 from bondage, and the doors of the dungeon 
 thrown open, we should find that the active 
 impulse most immediately in operation, was 
 a well-directed hatred of injustice, oppression, 
 and cruelty of every kind. 
 
 Let us begin, then, by endeavoring to make 
 use of this impulse, by directing it against 
 whatever is unkind, unfair, or untrue. Let, 
 us, in plain words, teach children to hate 
 falsehood ; and to hate it not only when 
 spoken, but also when acted. It is a lament- 
 able fact, that many a little child brought up 
 under parental care, with a cordial hatred of 
 falsehood, and as cordial a love of truth, sent 
 early to school to be tried by new tests, and 
 subjected to new temptations, is there, for 
 want of moral courage, literally startled into 
 falsehood, though loathing and hating it all 
 the time. The loud authoritative demand 
 made in the midst of numbers " Who has 
 done this?" or, "What naughty boy or girl 
 has done that]" has not unfrequently the 
 effect of paralyzing the moral feelings for the 
 instant, so that terror gains the ascendancy, 
 and the poor little culprit endeavors to con- 
 ceal its transgression by a lie, and perhaps by a 
 second or a third in order to conceal the first 
 
 Nor is it at school alone that occasions 
 occur in which the veracity of youth is sorely 
 tried indeed more tried than it ever can be 
 in after life ; because when we have once 
 attained the independence of maturer years, 
 it is not possible, under ordinary circumstan- 
 ces, that any one should have it in their 
 power to place us in a situation so fraught 
 with terror and distress. In mercy, as well 
 as in justice, to children, then, we ought to 
 endeavor to fortify them by moral courage 
 against such trials, in order that when they 
 do occur, the dread of punishment may be 
 lost sight of, in a noble ambition to dare to 
 speak the truth. 
 
 I am the more earnest on the subject of 
 moral courage, because I believe too much is 
 done, and that often by excellent persons, to 
 humble, crush, and extinguish natural feel- 
 ing altogether. Personal humility, we cer- 
 tainly cannot err in promoting to almost any 
 extent ; but there are some noble aspirations 
 belonging to our nature, which ought, by all 
 means, to be encouraged ; and first among 
 these, I would place an ambition directed to 
 the sole object of doing right in the sight of 
 God and man, under the apprehension of no 
 other danger than that of offending against 
 the Divine law by doing wrong. 
 
 Without any reference to a future state, or 
 to the will of a Supreme Being, I am not 
 aware by what means moral courage could 
 be inculcated, or blended with the education 
 of a child ; but by the help of this reference, 
 a pious mother has always in her power the 
 means of directing the attention of her child 
 from a lesser to a greater good from the 
 mere chance of escaping chastisement, to the 
 hope of doing what is most pleasing in the 
 sight of God.. 
 
 Moral courage consists chiefly in daring to 
 choose, at the moment of trial, a great in pre- 
 ference to a little good ; even though the 
 former should be remote, and the latter im- 
 mediately at hand. It consists in disregard- 
 ing the transient results which must neces- 
 sarily ensue, for the sake of more widely 
 extended and important consequences. All 
 this, however, is but seldom taken into ac- 
 count at the moment of action ; and therefore 
 it is the more necessary that mothers should 
 render the exercise of moral courage on the 
 part of their children familiar, and habitual. 
 And there is one fact connected with this 
 subject, which makes it almost an act of 
 mercy to do so it is, that the most delicately 
 sensitive characters, those who shrink from 
 the bare apprehension of giving offence, or 
 incurring blame to whom a harsh word or 
 an angry look from those whom they love 
 and esteem, is almost like a sentence of 
 death that such characters, though their 
 love of truth may be as great, or perhaps 
 greater, than that of bolder, harder, and less
 
 MORAL COURAGE AND WORLDLY-MINDEDNESS. 
 
 63 
 
 sensitive natures, are far more in danger of 
 being betrayed into falsehood from the im- 
 pulse of the moment. Thus, among a num- 
 ber of children, governed only by the general 
 laws of school-discipline, those bold unfeeling 
 characters who have little regard for the 
 opinion of others, and who are under no 
 temptation to conceal their faults from a 
 dread of incurring blame, frequently obtain 
 I all the credit of being lovers of truth ; while 
 the characters above described may in reality 
 love truth as well, or better, yet having been 
 surprised into falsehood, they suffer the two- 
 fold punishment of being self-condemned, and 
 at the same time charged, perhaps publicly, 
 and opprobriously, with being makers and 
 lovers of a lie. 
 
 There are many cases in which the exer- 
 cise of moral courage may be so rewarded 
 by a mother's approbation, as to make an in- 
 delible impression upon the mind of a child ; 
 and such opportunities should never be lost 
 sight of, because it is chiefly by indirect 
 means that the character can be strengthened 
 to resist the momentary temptations of ap- 
 parent self-interest 
 
 We will suppose a case in which a charge 
 of delinquency is brought against one mem- 
 ber of a family, who is, in this instance, re- 
 ally innocent, but whose general conduct is 
 such as to warrant unfavorable suspicion. 
 Father, mother, brothers, and sisters, are all 
 agreed that he must be the guilty person, 
 with but one exception, and that a little sis- 
 ter, who knows that by taking his part she 
 will bring upon herself the suspicion of being 
 an accomplice in his act The little girl 
 knows this, and feels it ; above all, she feels 
 that to incur the blame of her parents is a 
 cruel alternative, yet she still speaks out, and 
 defends her brother, because she believes that 
 in this instance he is innocent Her noble 
 defence meets with nothing but reproof. She 
 is put down, censured, and, more than all, 
 suspected ; but still she maintains the cause 
 of her brother. A few days perhaps develop 
 the real truth. The boy is innocent, and his 
 sister was all the while right Is the mother 
 then to pass over, unnoticed, so noble and 
 
 persevering an effort on the part of her 
 child 1 Certainly not Although herself in 
 the wrong, and under the necessity of con- 
 fessing before her children that she has been 
 so ; yet a generous and noble-minded mother 
 will see in an instant what is the course of 
 conduct she ought to pursue, and she will 
 rejoice in such an opportunity of expressing 
 her warmest approval. 
 
 Although the telling of direct falsehoods 
 from a want of courage to speak the truth, is 
 the first and most obvious exemplification of 
 what is meant by an absence of moral cour- 
 age, there exists throughout all those varied 
 intricacies which belong to the structure of 
 society, a constant occurrence of occasions, 
 in which moral courage may be called into 
 action for the support of integrity against the 
 allurements of artifice, and the temptations 
 of self-interest In almost all those trials 
 which beset mankind in the respectable 
 walks of life, it is not from actual propensi- 
 ties to vice that they fail to maintain their 
 ground ; but from a little, and perhaps an 
 unconscious leaning to self-interest, a little 
 desire to keep well with the world or with a 
 certain party ; and all that endless train of 
 little motives which mix themselves in with 
 almost every thing we say and do. 
 
 Now, it is chiefly against these that I 
 would bring into operation the strong power 
 of moral courage, not to uproot or destroy 
 such motives one by one ; that would in- 
 deed be to dissever the hydra heads of an 
 unconquerable enemy. It would in fact be 
 to destroy the whole fabric of human nature. 
 Instead, therefore, of attempting to uproot 
 these plants of evil growth, I would begin in 
 the early training of children to lay the 
 strong foundation of a solid character, by 
 making moral courage one of the first ele- 
 ments of its being. I would begin with a 
 high standaid, by aiming at what is noble, 
 great, and good ; and leaving the littlenesses 
 of artificial life to vanish into nothing ; as 
 they necessarily would, by the mind being 
 stored with materials of a weightier and 
 more sterling nature. 
 
 But how is this great and important work
 
 64 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 to be accomplished 1 First, I should say, by 
 impressing upon the minds of children a just 
 estimate of all moral qualities. It may occa- 
 sion greater inconvenience to the mother at 
 the moment, that her child should fear a new 
 dress, than that it should tell a falsehood ; 
 but if, from any personal feeling, she allows 
 her disapprobation to be expressed as strong- 
 ly in one case, as in the other ; if she evinces 
 as much dissatisfaction at the fall of a china 
 cup, as at an act of meanness or deception 
 practised by one child towards another ; or 
 
 | if her delight is as manifest on the arrival of 
 a new article of furniture, as on some evi- 
 
 ; dence in her family that wrong feeling has 
 been overcome, or noble and generous senti- 
 ments called into exercise, she will do incal- 
 culable mischief, by destroying what ought to 
 be a clear distinction betwixt the degrees of 
 moral feeling comprehended in these differ- 
 ent cases. 
 
 It is the same throughout the whole of 
 that discipline to which youth is subjected. 
 We must keep the balance true, not only as 
 regards actions, but motives, so far as they 
 can be ascertained ; and never from personal 
 feeling, or momentary impulse, allow undue 
 weight to be thrown into either scale. Above 
 all, we must maintain a constant reference 
 to what is approved by God, rather than by 
 man to what is consistent with Christian 
 profession, rather than to what may be ex- 
 pedient, creditable, or consistent with the 
 usages of the world. We ought to teach 
 children, that having done simply what was 
 right, there is nothing, and there can be 
 nothing, to fear; and we should teach this 
 on the broad foundation, that the habits and 
 customs of ten thousand worlds cannot alter 
 one tittle of the Divine law, or make that 
 good which is really evil. 
 
 Any one who has paid much attention to 
 the state of society in the present day, will, I 
 think, agree with me, that these are times in 
 which mothers are especially called upon to 
 teach their children, that they are acting not 
 merely with a party for the support of a partic- 
 ular set of opinions, and in opposition to all 
 who hold opinions differing in the slightest de- 
 
 gree ; but as citizens of a great world, subject 
 with all the families of earth to the same su- 
 preme Head, lovers of truth, with the Bible 
 for their guide, and aspirants to an immortal- 
 ity, in which the language of universal love 
 will exclude all reference to sect or party. 
 
 If, in our after intercourse with society, we 
 must unavoidably attach ourselves to one par- 
 ty or another, in almost every thing we do ; 
 and if in such association it is almost impos- 
 sible to keep our feelings unwarped by preju- 
 dice, let us at least endeavor to impress strong 
 characters of truth upon the open and unbi- 
 ased mind of youth, so that having pre-occu- 
 pied the sphere of thought and feeling, by 
 those clear facts of pre-eminent importance, 
 respecting which mankind are not able to 
 disagree, there may be less room left for 
 points of minor moment, and especially for 
 those little causes of dispute which call forth 
 so much of the rancor and bitterness of party 
 spirit 
 
 It seems to me that in these important 
 matters, the tendency of the times to obvious 
 and immediate results, operates in an espe- 
 cial manner. It is not now the man who 
 serves his Maker most faithfully, who is most 
 looked up to by his fellow-Christians ; but 
 the man who comes forward, and gives large- 
 ly, who makes speeches, or writes pamphlets, 
 for the support of some particular set of opin- 
 ions. All these are results they are what 
 can be seen and heard of men they strike 
 the attention, rouse into action, and give peo- 
 ple something to do. All this kind of excite- 
 ment, and this advocacy of certain parties and 
 opinions, is particularly agreeable to the 
 young; and could it be conducted without 
 prejudice or animosity, might certainly be ad- 
 vantageous in calling their energies into ex- 
 ercise. But, alas ! we forget, in those stirring 
 moments, when the young spirit is fired by a 
 high impulse to be doing something in a great 
 and good cause we forget the contempt 
 which is at the same time inspired for those 
 who are inactive, the pride which swells the 
 bosom of the young aspirant to be foremost 
 in the field ; and, worse than all, the bitter- 
 ness and the rancor which are called into
 
 MORAL COURAGE AND WORLDLY-MINDEDNESS. 
 
 exercise against those who oppose themselves 
 to his career, or who presume even to call in 
 j question either its wisdom or its expediency. 
 I have sometimes imagined a visitant from 
 another world coming down to this, fully ac- 
 quainted with the principles of the gospel up- 
 on which our religious faith is built, and know- 
 ing also that we are professed followers of 
 that Saviour whose test of discipleship was, 
 that we should love one another, and who be- 
 queathed his peace as the greatest blessing he 
 could bestow upon those who should keep 
 his commandments. I have imagined such 
 a being reading our public journals, but espe- 
 cially some ol our professedly religious ones, 
 and I have thought that the first inquiry he 
 would make, would be, whether he had not 
 arrived at the wrong planet? whether, in fact, 
 he had not alighted upon fiery Mars, rather 
 than descended into the bosom of a Christian 
 community 1 
 
 I am induced to speak of these strange 
 anomalies in public as well as private feeling, 
 not from any wish presumptuously to inter- 
 fere with a department of human affairs 
 which is far beyond the purpose of my pres- 
 ent work ; but I speak of these things, be- 
 cause they constitute too much the atmo- 
 sphere in which we live, and it is my wish 
 my entreaty my prayer, that children should 
 be preserved from breathing this atmosphere 
 sooner than is absolutely necessary. By be- 
 ing too early plunged into all the meanness, 
 the littleness, and, may we not say, the sin- 
 fulness of party feeling, by seeing their pa- 
 rents and friends worked up to extravagance 
 and animosity, on all those public occasions 
 which offer exalted places to the advocates 
 of their particular party, they lose sight of 
 the value of those principles which all good 
 men advocate, and of the supremacy of that 
 party to which all good men belong. 
 
 Men are in general too deeply engaged 
 themselves in affairs of public interest, to al- 
 low of their exercising any very beneficial 
 influence over their children in this respect ; 
 but surely women may so far abstract their 
 thoughts from the mere trappings and pa- 
 geantry of human life, as to lead the minds 
 
 of their children along with them, in looking 
 to its realities, and especially to its oneness 
 of interest in the great end of existence. 
 Much may be done in this way by a judi- 
 cious mother, where subjects of sectarian in- 
 terest are under discussion, to ward off the 
 attention of the young from the extreme im- 
 portance attached by persons generally to 
 different forms of government, or modes of 
 worship. Much may also be done by a 
 mother to impress upon the minds of her 
 children, that the religious sect to which their 
 parents belong, is preferred by them, not be- 
 cause it is perfect in itself, or more owned by 
 God as regards the tokens of his especial 
 favor, but because the views and principles 
 upon which it is founded, are most in accord- 
 ance with their own, and consequently afford 
 them more support and satisfaction than any 
 other. Even where, as is frequently the 
 case, they do devoutly believe that the 
 church to which they belong is the only true 
 church, parents ought in justice to make 
 their children acquainted with the fact, that 
 the members of other churches as devoutly 
 believe the same of theirs. 
 
 I know not whether I have made my 
 meaning clear, in describing what I believe 
 to be the only true foundation of a strong 
 moral character; but, in order to render 
 more obvious the value of moral courage in 
 our intercourse with society, I will notice a 
 few instances in which it is brought into op- 
 position to worldly-mindedness, and I fear 
 they must be those in which it seldom gains 
 the mastery. 
 
 I have already pointed out the manner in 
 which an absence of moral courage operates 
 against the love of truth ; and it is much in 
 the same manner that prejudices are gene- 
 rally imbibed because people dare not think 
 for themselves because they dread the re- 
 sponsibility of having formed their own opin- 
 ions, and feel a kind of safety in thinking 
 as somo person, or some party, thinks. If 
 they were to form their own opinions, they 
 would have to defend them when called in 
 question, or to bear a certain degree of odium, 
 when they were contemned ; but if they
 
 66 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 adopt the opinions of certain individuals, 
 more especially if they think as all the world 
 thinks, there is an end at once of argument 
 they enjoy the satisfaction of feeling them- 
 selves victorious, without being required to 
 prove that they are so. Even when con- 
 vinced of having been wrong, persons who 
 are deficient in moral courage dare not avow 
 their change of opinion ; but go on persuad- 
 ing themselves against conviction, or else in- 
 vent some subterfuge by which they can es- 
 cape, without having the candor to make an 
 honorable recantation. 
 
 There is an excellent maxim which all 
 mothers ought to impress upon the minds of 
 their children, that " to confess that you have 
 been in the wrong, is only saying in other 
 words, that you are wiser to-day than you 
 were yesterday;" and where the love of 
 truth, simply for its own sake, is the prevail- 
 ing aim of a family, I cannot think that such 
 candid confessions need be attended with 
 any difficulty. To have discovered a mis- 
 take, is no trifling step in the path of wis- 
 dom ; and when it happens to be our own, 
 we have all the more need to rejoic9 at hav- 
 ing found it out 
 
 In such cases as these, it is chiefly, if not 
 entirely, by moral courage, that we are helped 
 over the little obstacles presented by vanity, 
 obstinacy, and self-esteem. We feel the 
 greater good of seeing and acknowledging 
 the truth ; but without moral courage, we 
 shrink from being laughed at, or triumphed 
 over, for not having seen it before. Yet 
 what is all this paltriness of personal feeling, 
 in comparison with the beauty and the ma- 
 jesty of truth ? Children, then, should learn 
 not only to love truth for its own sake, but 
 to dare to uphold it, even at the risk of a 
 banter or a sneer. 
 
 But above all other enemies to moral cour- 
 age, is the world the world in which we 
 live that grand master of forms and cere- 
 monies, in whose service it is our perpetual 
 aim to live as other people live, and to do as 
 other people do, in order that we may not 
 lose caste, and go down in the favor of the 
 world. It is sometimes true that we can ill 
 
 afford such a style of living it may be true 
 that we are in debt and what is more won- 
 derful, it may also be true that we do not 
 ourselves really value the things we are 
 struggling to possess ; but the world would 
 forget us we should not be visited, or, if we 
 were, it would only be to be despised did 
 we dare to be singular, or regardless of these 
 things. 
 
 "What world," the strange visitant of 
 earth might ask " what world is that which 
 occupies a place of paramount importance in 
 almost every human heart *" " The world 
 in which we live," some candid voice might 
 answer. " Nay," the visitant would reply ; 
 " that can never be ; for have we not the 
 testimony of all mankind, from the prince 
 down to the lowest peasant, that the world 
 is hated, despised, regarded as a bitter enemy 
 at once an ingrate, and a tyrant? And 
 certain it is, there are few human beings who 
 can say in their hearts, that they love, and 
 honor, though they are but too willing to 
 obey, the world to whose bondage they sub- 
 mit While reading the works of some au- 
 thors, one would think indeed that the world 
 was a perfect monster, for there is scarcely 
 an opprobrious epithet, or an abusive charge, 
 which has not been thrown out against it by 
 one or another ; while none have come for- 
 ward to defend it, or to prove that it is really 
 worthy of a better name. 
 
 For my own part, I have always found it 
 a satisfactory conclusion when judging of the 
 world, that whatever its faults or its abuses 
 may be, it is under the superintending care 
 of One who has the power to overrule its 
 worst elements for good, and who knows, 
 better than I do, what really is good. But 
 when we make to ourselves an idol of the 
 world, when we bow down and worship it, 
 when we sacrifice our best feelings at its 
 shrine, and make its laws the test of all ex- 
 cellence, then, indeed, it is time to cry out 
 against the world ; because then it is evident, 
 that instead of regarding it as the theatre in 
 which we are to act for a short season of 
 trial, the garden in which we are to labor in 
 the service of our Heavenly Master, the field
 
 MORAL COURAGE AND WORLDLY-MINDEDNESS. 
 
 07 
 
 in which we are to fight as good soldiers of 
 Christ, we are making it our home I was 
 about to add, our rest; but never yet was 
 rest the portion of those who made the world 
 their home. 
 
 An extreme regard for the approval of the 
 world, and an excessive absorption in the in- 
 terests of this life, is generally called worldly 
 mindedness ; and this it is which meets us in 
 every path, besets the wise as well as the 
 simple, the rich as well as the poor, and, I 
 had almost said, the good as well as the evil. 
 Should I have been altogether wrong, if I 
 had? For is it not lurking in the sanctuary, 
 when we take our places there ; waiting for 
 the minister, when he descends from his 
 desk ; busy with the congregation, as they 
 disperse ? Does it not meet us at our homes 
 on the sabbath-day, close the door of the 
 closet which should be entered for prayer, 
 and finally send us to sleep with bright vis- 
 ions of the anticipated events or occupations 
 of the coming week ] Nor on the sabbath 
 alone, but on every other day and night of 
 his existence, I believe that a spirit of world- 
 ly-mindedness is that with which the Chris- 
 tian has to contend more frequently than with 
 any other. I do not say that there may not 
 be at times strong passions and dark propen- 
 sities in his nature, against which he has to 
 wage a more desperate and determined war- 
 fare ; but the peculiarity of worldly-minded- 
 ness, is that it is always present, and always, 
 under the fair colors of respectability, con- 
 venience, interest, or expediency, holding up 
 a false standard of excellence for us to aim 
 at. 
 
 I do not presume either to say, that moral 
 courage alone will conquer this enemy. I 
 think I have sufficiently explained my mean- 
 ing, that moral courage, founded upon reli- 
 gious principle for indeed I cannot well im- 
 agine any other that such is the armor by 
 which young people ought to be defended 
 when they go forth into society, in order that 
 they may not be induced to adopt the false 
 standard which worldly-mindedness will ever 
 be presenting to their view. 
 
 In the exercise of our affections, and in all 
 
 our kindly feelings, worldly-mindedness has 
 the power to contract and harden the heart 
 to a lamentable extent ; not that we begin by 
 preferring the claims of the world to those of 
 kindness, but having made this a habit, hav- 
 ing made the favor of the world our chief 
 good, we cease, in time, to experience those 
 warm fresh springs of generous impulse, 
 which might so often gladden and beautify 
 the path of life. 
 
 Let us imagine the case of a respectable 
 family travelling at a distance from their 
 home and friends, having fallen by some ac- 
 cident into circumstances of trial and dis- 
 tress ; one of their party being dangerously 
 ill, they are detained upon the road, and in a 
 strange land receive the kindness of a family 
 a little beneath themselves in outward cir- 
 cumstances, or, in other words, a little poor- 
 er, and less expensive in their general habits. 
 These things, however, are little thought of 
 by the family in trouble, because they feel 
 themselves to be, for the time, out of the 
 world; and under circumstances of trial and 
 distress, they escape for a while from the 
 thraldom of worldly-mindedness. But soon 
 their affairs assume a more favorable aspect, 
 and they return to their own residence, where, 
 without riches, they make rather a showy 
 and elegant appearance, and in short, stand 
 well with their master, the world. 
 
 Their first impulse on returning home is 
 to remember the friends in the strange land, 
 whose kindness and hospitality it would in- 
 deed be impossible to forget. They are a 
 grateful family too, and one and all have 
 been busy on their journey planning what 
 each could do in the way of sending some 
 little memorial of their gratitude. Arrived 
 at home, however, they find from the state 
 of affairs, and from the extraordinary expen- 
 ses incident to their late journey, that they 
 are likely to be rather straitened for means 
 during the next few weeks, and therefore 
 the memorials must wait. Indeed all are 
 agreed, that it will look better to send them 
 after a little time has elapsed. It is not, how- 
 ever, the journey alone which has brought 
 them to this conclusion, but a season of
 
 68 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 gaiety being just commenced in the town 
 where they live, there is a new satin dress 
 to be bought for the mother, and so on, 
 through all the members of the family, whose 
 age entitles them to the supreme privilege 
 of appearing well dressed in public. 
 
 In this state of things, Christmas arrives, 
 with its never-failing demands upon the 
 purses of householders ; but still the family 
 feel grateful, and remember, with often-ex- 
 pressed regret, that they have as yet done 
 nothing towards acknowledgment of the kind 
 services of those distant friends. Winter 
 passes, and summer comes ; but the family, 
 living for the world, and to the extent of 
 their income, have literally nothing to spare 
 for the claims of gratitude ; and by degrees 
 the whole affair is forgotten, or rather thrust 
 out of mind by the crowding in of other and 
 more immediate objects of attention. It is 
 not forgotten, because the family are still 
 grateful, but it has become rather a painful 
 subject, and therefore they never mention it 
 
 A year or two passes in this manner, when 
 one of the boys returning home from school, 
 declares he has seen the youngest son of the 
 
 C family, and that they have all come 
 
 to settle in the very town where the obliged 
 family live. Here then is an opportunity at 
 hand of showing how gratefully their kind- 
 ness is remembered. No doubt they are 
 strangers in the place. No doubt they want 
 friends, for they were evidently rather strait- 
 ened in their means. No doubt they want 
 the countenance of some respectable and 
 influential person, for the father was even at 
 taat time looking out for a situation. Here 
 then is an excellent opportunity for showing 
 what gratitude can do. Let us see how the 
 world permits it to be used. 
 
 "Is it possible," exclaims the mother, 
 " they can have come to live in this place 1" 
 
 " I am sure it is so," replies the boy, " for 
 little Harry told me where they live." 
 
 " And where is that !" asks the mother. 
 
 "You shall guess," replies the boy, with 
 an arch look, as if he had an extraordinary 
 secret to disclose. 
 
 " Perhaps in Brunswick Place 1" 
 
 " No : actually 1" exclaims the boy, " at 
 No. 1, in that row of shabby houses at the 
 back of the tallow-chandler's !" 
 
 The mother makes no remark, but the 
 father and she exchange glances. What 
 they say in private, or how they, calculate 
 opposing reasons for and against this family 
 being called upon, the reader can easily 
 imagine. Suffice it, that after a few days 
 have passed over, the following scene takes 
 place in the grateful family. 
 
 "Mamma," says one of the daughters, 
 " what do you think cook told Caroline ? 
 that the C s absolutely live without a ser- 
 vant" 
 
 " Nonsense ! my dear," replies the mother, 
 "you should not listen to what the cook 
 says." 
 
 " But it must be true," exclaims the boy 
 who spoke before. " I am sure it must, for 
 yesterday, as I was going to school, I just 
 looked in at Mr. Blanchard's window, to see 
 if he had any more of those fine French 
 plums, when who should I see standing at 
 the counter, but that very young lady with 
 the large blue eyes, who used to be so kind 
 to Harriet I mean, who brought her the 
 nice fruit, for they were all kind. So I 
 watched what she was doing, and I saw her 
 take some groceries into a little basket which 
 she held on her arm, and then some butter ; 
 but as the butter would not go into her 
 basket, she asked for another paper, and 
 actually took it in her hand, in this manner. 
 She did, indeed ! mamma, and I believe some 
 lard too." Upon which intelligence, each of 
 the younger members of the grateful family 
 makes a face ; and there is an end of the 
 whole matter the C s are not to be called 
 upon. 
 
 Now, it does not at all follow, because this 
 has transpired in a family, that the members 
 of it are pleased with themselves that they 
 feel at ease, or can look with steadiness and 
 satisfaction down the humble street, and di- 
 rectly at the door which has no servant to 
 open it No ; I maintain that they may still 
 be grateful, but being servants of the world, 
 they can do all this, and feel both mean and
 
 MORAL COURAGE AND WORLDLY-MINDEDNESS. 
 
 69 
 
 miserable while they do it. But I maintain 
 also, that these are especially cases in which 
 moral courage would preserve us from such 
 contemptible such culpable servitude; for 
 what, to a person fortified by moral courage, 
 would it be, to incur the risk of being called 
 upon by a lady of rank at the very time when 
 one of the C family was present, in com- 
 parison with the certainty of acting meanly 
 and ungratefully to those who both deserved 
 and needed kindness? 
 
 As regards benevolence too, as well as grat- 
 itude, it is easy to point out a case in which 
 worldly-mindedness asserts its mastery over 
 the actfons of a good man, purely from his 
 want of moral courage. We will imagine a 
 respectable and benevolent individual called 
 upon by the zealous agent of some institution 
 for the public good. The first thing asked 
 for, is the list of the subscribers' names. 
 The benevolent man looks carefully up and 
 down, and then gives his money, but declines 
 adding his name. It happens, perhaps, in 
 this instance, as in many others, that the name 
 of a wealthy and influential person would be 
 of more service to the cause than any small 
 amount of pecuniary aid ; and he is conse- 
 quently urged to add his name to the list, but 
 he still refuses. He is asked whether he does 
 not consider such an institution much need- 
 ed? "Oh yes." Whether he does not be- 
 lieve it to be founded on right principles, and, 
 so far as it has been tried, well conducted ? 
 and so on. " Yes," he approves of it alto- 
 gether, and expresses his approbation in the 
 warmest terms ; but still he will not pledge 
 himself so publicly as to give his name. In 
 the course of a few days, the same individu- 
 al is called upon again, with the list of subscri- 
 bers considerably enlarged. The benevolent 
 man glances his eye over the long columns, 
 and this time he discovers the signature of a 
 titled friend, a great landed proprietor in the 
 neighborhood, and last, but not least a min- 
 ister of religion. It is enough the benevo- 
 ent man has now sufficient courage to write 
 lis name, and with that he doubles his sub- 
 scription. 
 
 It would not he possible within moderate 
 
 limits, to specify the various instances occur- 
 ring perpetually in social life, where moral 
 courage may properly be opposed to worldly- 
 mindedness ; but we must not forget that im- 
 portant one of defending the absent when we 
 hear them unjustly blamed, or a wrong con- 
 struction put upon their actions. To defend 
 a public character who has a strong party on 
 his side, requires no great amount of courage, 
 even among his enemies ; but to defend the 
 defenceless, and obscure individual, a poor 
 relation, or an humble friend, those who have 
 nothing distinguished or dignified about them, 
 is a very different matter. If a friend, for 
 instance, has done a glaringly foolish thing, 
 written or taken up a cause which the world 
 holds in derision ; to hear that friend ridicu- 
 led and contemned, nay, literally abused, and 
 say nothing, is the part most frequently acted 
 by those who are deficient in moral courage ; 
 yet as a proof that the absent friend is really 
 in secret valued, notwithstanding the adverse 
 tide of popular opinion, no sooner is a voice 
 lifted up in his defence, than they are delight- 
 ed beyond measure ; and especially if it be an 
 influential voice, they place themselves imme- 
 diately on that side of the question, and de- 
 clare their opinions to have been favorable all 
 the time. 
 
 There is also another important feature 
 frequently displayed by the same moral weak- 
 ness. It is where families or friends live in 
 the habit of flattering each other, and never 
 venture to speak candidly of each other's 
 faults, except on occasions of anger, or under 
 the influence of passion ; when, all apprehen- 
 sion of consequences being lost sight of, there 
 follows an outburst of injurious accusations, 
 the more deeply wounding to the accused, be- 
 cause they convey the impression of having 
 been long treasured up, and even harbored in 
 the breast, at the very time when the most 
 familiar and affectionate confidence appeared 
 to prevail. 
 
 The amount of individual and social hap- 
 piness thus destroyed by the work of a mo- 
 ment, is perhaps greater than by any other 
 means. The confidence broken never again 
 to be restored, the spirit wounded so as never
 
 70 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 again to be healed, the bond of affection rent 
 asunder never again to be united these are 
 among the trophies of that cruel warfare, 
 by which a reckless and ungoverned temper 
 may scatter ruin over the loveliest gardens of 
 domestic happiness. 
 
 It is of the utmost importance then, mat 
 children should be taught to speak the truth 
 to each other, not petulantly, and especially 
 not in a taunting or triumphant manner ; but 
 tenderly, and kindly in pity, rather than 
 hate ; and, above all, with humility, as es- 
 teeming themselves no better for having been 
 able to point out another person's fault 
 
 But there is a far more important class of 
 instances yet to be noticed, and under that 
 class what a dark catalogue is registered ! I 
 mean instances in which the most indissolu- 
 ble of all earthly unions is entered into from 
 motives of worldly-mindedness. That in- 
 stances of this kind are occurring every day, 
 is a fact too generally acknowledged to need 
 any additional proof; and when we think 
 that worldly-mindedness has thus the power 
 to wrench, as it were, the heart-strings asun- 
 der, or to consign its votaries to a kind of liv- 
 ing death, as it must before it can separate 
 those who love, or chain together those who 
 hate when we think that moral courage 
 might rescue the victims of this cruel tyran- 
 ny, and snatch them from the irremediable 
 wretchedness into which they would other- 
 wise be plunged, surely no effort can be too 
 great, no labor too much, to bestow upon 
 that improvement in the state of public feeling, 
 which is so much needed here. 
 
 Time was when parents and guardians 
 were the parties blamed for making worldly 
 aggrandizement their object in such alliances, 
 rather than the happiness of the parties most 
 immediately concerned ; and the romances 
 of the last century abound with nothing so 
 much as those cruel impositions of authority 
 by which the " course of true love" was made 
 subservient to the love of gold. But though 
 parents and guardians may still be accessory, 
 they ane not the principal agents in this par- 
 ticular kind of worldly traffic. Those who 
 speculate in this market now, are those who 
 
 suffer most when the bargain is a losing one. 
 They are the young men and young women 
 who dare not think of marriage except where 
 there is worldly benefit to be obtained, because 
 they dare not meet society without being, in 
 all outward embellishments, adorned for the 
 occasion. 
 
 It cannot be any other kind of terror which 
 deters from choosing where affection would 
 direct It cannot be a dread of personal pri- 
 vation. No ; a young and noble-hearted man 
 would spurn all privation in comparison with 
 that of being forever separated from the 
 woman he loved. It cannot be labor that 
 he fears. That would be sweetened by affec- 
 tion. It is, in fact, that he wants the moral 
 courage to begin the world with an establish- 
 ment corresponding with humble means ; and 
 even if he in his own person was bold enough 
 to deviate so far from the beaten track of 
 custom, parents, friends, and relatives would 
 all cry out against him, and therefore he can- 
 not dare not marry the portionless orphan 
 girl, who has, perhaps, no other friend or pro- 
 tector in the world besides himself. Therefore 
 and here is the worst feature in the case 
 he enters into a heartless, joyless alliance 
 with one, whose money purchases for him an 
 establishment, and a place in society, while 
 the world exults over him, as having made 
 an excellent match. 
 
 But for one instance of this kind occur- 
 ring among men, I beliave there are twenty 
 among women, of marriages entered into 
 chiefly, if not entirely, from the dread of being 
 old maids. I do not mean that the mere title 
 of old maid constitutes the whole of the evil 
 so much dreaded ; but in connection with a 
 single state, there are often consequences to 
 be apprehended by women, which it requires 
 moral courage in no trifling degree to meet 
 calmly. 
 
 Hundreds upon hundreds of families re- 
 spectably brought up, and holding a high place 
 in society, from living to the extent of their 
 means, have little to support that respecta- 
 bility in the opinion of the world, when the 
 original establishment is broken up, and each 
 member is thrown upon their own share. It
 
 MORAL COURAGE AND WORLDLY-MINDEDNESS 
 
 71 
 
 is then that a lone woman is lonely indeed. 
 Perhaps she has enough to support her in 
 decent lodgings, but she has been accustomed 
 to invite her friends to a hospitable board, to 
 be waited upon by her father's servants, and 
 to be somebody in his house ; how then is 
 she to settle down as a mere spinster in lodg- 
 ings ? too poor to give a party, and perhaps 
 too proud to visit where she can no longer be 
 looked upon in society as she was before ? 
 After having been accustomed to a large 
 family, and a comfortable home, it requires 
 more moral courage than most people are 
 aware of, for a woman to live alone in humble 
 lodgings, and yet feel neither dissatisfied nor 
 degraded. 
 
 The exercise of moral courage, however, 
 would help them over all this. It would stir 
 them up perhaps to some useful and profit- 
 able employment, by which their time and 
 talents would be occupied, their melancholy 
 thoughts dispersed, and their moral dignity 
 maintained. It would send them forth into 
 society again wherever they were admitted, 
 feeling themselves denizens of a great world, 
 as free to think and act as the monarch on 
 his throne ; while, disregarding the paltriness 
 of personal feeling, they would escape many 
 a rankling wound, to which others are sub- 
 jected, and find many a healthy and natural 
 channel through which to pour their benevo- 
 lence into the great treasury of human kind- 
 ness. 
 
 There is a far worse aspect of the case, 
 however, than this, and that is, where the 
 daughters of a family are left wholly unpro- 
 vided for, and when on the death of their 
 parents, they are obliged to go out into the 
 world to provide for themselves. Why this 
 should be so great a calamity as it is, belongs 
 not to this portion of my work to examine ; 
 but there is great room to fear that this par- 
 ticular aspect of human affairs, is the means 
 of frightening too many weak-minded women 
 into unhappy marriages. 
 
 I confess I am no advocate for mere love- 
 matches, made without any regard to worldly 
 prudence ; because our young people, and 
 particularly our young women, must be very 
 
 differently educated from what they are, be- 
 fore such a course of action could be any 
 thing but rash and ruinous in the extreme. 
 Living as too many do for the world, the 
 young people of the present day are ill cal- 
 culated indeed to meet such consequences as 
 would involve them in a loss of the world's 
 esteem. Admiring as we do, and regarding 
 as our chief good, those things which money 
 alone can procure, how is it possible that 
 happiness should be found in an ill-furnished 
 home, even though love might for a while 
 adorn it with roses? No; society must be 
 very differently constituted from what it :, 
 to admit of the heart and the affections hav- 
 ing free exercise in fixing the marriage tie. 
 But if ever there should come a time when 
 the first flow of youth's best love shall be 
 more esteemed than a fashionable appear- 
 ance ; when to feel that there is one being in 
 the world whose very life is bound up with 
 ours, and to be always near that being shall 
 be more thought of than to sit at the tables 
 of the great ; when an humble meal, prepared 
 by the hand of affection, shall be considered 
 sweeter than the luxuries of the epicure; 
 then may we hail the dawn of a fresh era 
 of happiness the commencement of a new 
 moral existence to the sons and daughters 
 of our land. 
 
 It is chiefly on the part of mothers, that we 
 so much want some fresh effort to bring for- 
 ward such an era, to induce young people to 
 look away from the trivial things of the mo- 
 ment, onward to some greater and more 
 lasting good. How strange that we should 
 have to point out to them, that one consider- 
 able portion of that good, is the exercise of 
 their affections in the lot to which they con- 
 sign themselves for life ! Yet so it is. Such 
 is the influence of an unhealthy atmosphere, 
 that the taste becomes vitiated, and a prefer- 
 ence at last is given to what is neither agree- 
 able in itself, nor beneficial in its use ; and 
 such too frequently is the effect of breathing 
 only the atmosphere of this world. 
 
 It may be said, however, with regard to 
 worldly-minded persons, that whatever is 
 most esteemed by the world, is what they
 
 72 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 believe to be best for them ; and that, seek- 
 ing material excellence as their chief good, 
 they have in reality their heart's desire. It 
 is true they have it, but do they enjoy it? or 
 rather for that is the question do they 
 enjoy it to the highest degree in which they 
 are capable of enjoying any thing? That 
 they do to a certain extent enjoy what they 
 possess, I am not prepared to dispute, be- 
 cause we have on every hand strong out- 
 ward evidence of the extreme satisfaction 
 felt on being more elegantly dressed, better 
 equipped, and altogether in greater favor 
 with the world, than our neighbors are ; 
 and I ask not, for I dare not ask, how often 
 such enjoyment is only an escape from 
 misery ; how often the secret soul rebels 
 against its bondage, and returns to its early 
 and voluntary allegiance ; or how often per- 
 sons thus situated endeavor to be contented 
 with what they are, because it is too late to 
 aspire to be what they might have been. 
 
 We must not forget that there is a spirit 
 at work among the affairs of men, who has 
 been appropriately represented as saying 
 
 " Evil, be thou my good :" 
 
 and when we fix our ideas of excellence 
 upon low and trivial things, because we have 
 not moral courage to look beyond the narrow 
 prejudices of society ; when we dare not pur- 
 sue that as good, which would really be so 
 to us, because it is not sanctioned by the 
 approbation of the world ; we are in reality 
 perverting the moral order of the universe, 
 and frustrating the gracious designs of Prov- 
 idence, in giving us higher capabilities for 
 happiness than we choose to exercise. 
 
 Nor is there any need for mothers to be 
 discouraged in this great and good work, 
 although the voice of society should some- 
 times be raised against their efforts. They 
 have unquestionably a right to train up their 
 children in that way which appears to them 
 most conducive to real happiness ; and if, 
 among conflicting opinions, they are not 
 always able to see clearly the direct point at 
 which to aim, let them remember this simple 
 rule : All those sources of enjoyment which 
 
 call forth such faculties and emotions as we 
 are taught by the Scriptures to believe will 
 constitute part of the enjoyments of heaven, 
 must be worthy of cultivation in a state of 
 existence which ought to be a preparation 
 for a happy eternity ; while all those sources 
 of enjoyment which call forth faculties limited 
 in their exercise to this world alone, must be 
 of an inferior nature, and worthy only of a 
 much lower portion of regard. 
 
 It is then to this ultimate and superior 
 good that mothers should teach their children 
 to look, and at the same time so fortify their 
 minds by moral courage, that they shall dare 
 to choose it in preference to the inferior, even 
 though the world in general may condemn 
 their choice. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 GENERAL DUTIES OF A MOTHER. 
 
 IN pursuing the course of observations 
 which have thus far occupied our attention, 
 much has already been said upon the im- 
 portance of keeping the moral atmosphere 
 of home in a healthy state, and perhaps too 
 little in relation to the bodily health of chil- 
 dren ; yet how many of the sufferings of 
 later life might be traced to neglect of this 
 kind, or perhaps to mistaken tenderness, 
 rather than neglect ! 
 
 To be always pleasing children, always 
 gratifying their appetites, always giving them 
 something nice, appears to be the ruling pas- 
 sion with some indulgent mothers, forgetful 
 of the fact, that this is the certain means of 
 keeping up a very unnatural and unhealthy 
 state both of mind and body. Yet it is aston- 
 ishing how far a small allowance of sweets 
 may be made to go, in the way of giving 
 pleasure, if carefully husbanded, and judi- 
 ciously dealt out ; while a constant revelling 
 among good things has invariably the effect 
 of injuring the temper, as well as the stomach. 
 
 Whether owing to the climate of England, 
 or some peculiarity in our habits and consti-

 
 GENERAL DUTIES OF A MOTHER. 
 
 73 
 
 tutions, it is not my business here to inquire, 
 but there certainly exists among English peo- 
 ple something unfavorable to the healthy 
 action of the digestive powers ; and hence 
 follows a long catalogue of uncomfortable 
 sensations, scarcely to be classed under the 
 ! head of disease, which beset the mind as well 
 as the body, and assail most effectually what 
 are called the animal spirits. In the manage- 
 ment of children, it is consequently of the 
 utmost importance that attention should be 
 directed to this peculiarity of English consti- 
 tutions, for of all maladies, those which over- 
 whelm the mind with causeless apprehen- 
 sions, weaken the resolution, and render the 
 temper irritable, are the most to be dreaded. 
 
 Children who are always eating, though 
 they eat but little at a time, are almost always 
 ill-tempered ; because there is a constant 
 state of excitement kept up, which effectually 
 destroys the healthy tone of the mind ; and 
 while they make themselves and everybody 
 near them uncomfortable, they are perpetu- 
 ally seeking to allay the craving of a diseased 
 appetite, by urgent applications for some 
 fresh indulgence, which is granted them at 
 least as often for peace' sake, as for love. 
 Occasionally, with such children, the exces- 
 sive excitement under which they labor, as- 
 sumes the character of fever and illness. 
 The doctor is then sent for. Medicines dis- 
 guised in every possible way, and powders 
 wrapped up in every imaginable confection, 
 are administered ; and as the patient recovers, 
 the old habits by degrees are resumed, with 
 the addition of more good things to tempt a 
 weak appetite, and greater frequency of food 
 to supply the strength which has been lost 
 
 Now, if mothers could but be made to try it, 
 I believe they would invariably find, that a 
 certain number of meals, consisting of plain 
 food, at regular intervals every day, with 
 nothing between, would make their children 
 both healthier, happier, and better tempered, 
 than all the good things they are in the habit 
 of administering ; to say nothing of the 
 beneficial effect upon their future lives, which 
 would be likely to ensue from a sysJem of 
 diet calculated to place them above the de- 
 
 grading slavery of mere animal appetite. 
 With- regard to sweets, too, if they are given 
 out sparingly at certain hours of the day, and 
 never at any other never when cried for, 
 nor even to cure a cut finger, or a bruised 
 knee, they will give incalculably more real 
 gratification, because they will require no 
 teasing for, and, being sure to be given out 
 at a certain time, can occasion no disap- 
 pointment 
 
 Those constant teasings on the part of 
 children, which we hear in some families; 
 those half refusals on the part of the mother, 
 and those ungracious givings at last, because 
 teased out of patience, though ruinous alike 
 to peace and temper, are perhaps of all 
 domestic evils the most easily prevented; 
 because habit does so much with children, 
 that if they have never been accustomed to 
 eat between meals, and have never had 
 sweets given them except at certain times, 
 they will no more fret themselves to obtain 
 such indulgences, than they will cry because 
 the sun does not rise in the night 
 
 Next in importance to regularity and mod- 
 eration in diet, is exercise in the open air ; 
 and, as often as it can be obtained, the free 
 wild exercise of country life, even at the risk 
 of torn dresses, crushed bonnets, and soiled 
 shoes ; all of which articles, however, should 
 be provided of such a nature as to create 
 no very poignant distress when they happen 
 to be a little worse for being worn. 
 
 It is not the mere air, nor the mere exercise, 
 though both are good, which produces the 
 whole of the benefit derived by children from 
 country sports. It is the immense variety 
 of situations in which they may be placed, 
 which gives them an energy, a fertility of 
 resource, and, above all, a courage and self- 
 possession, extremely difficult to acquire in 
 the limited range of town amusements. In 
 the country, too, children may try their skill, 
 their adroitness, and their activity in a thou- 
 sand ways, which would be neither safe nor 
 suitable in a town ; and therefore it is, that 
 children, brought up in the country, though 
 sometimes appearing ignorant as regards the 
 technicalities of polished life, have often
 
 74 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 within themselves a fund of resource which 
 helps them over innumerable difficulties, and 
 a fund of amusement, too, which supplies 
 them with perpetual cheerfulness. 
 
 As soon as children are old enough to ride 
 with safety, horse-exercise affords one of the 
 most exhilarating and delightful amusements 
 of the country. Let them learn to ride 
 without fear, to accommodate themselves to 
 the different movements of their pony, so as 
 not to be thrown up into the air, to drop 
 down again like a dead weight ; and let 
 them learn, too, what to do on the instant 
 when a horse starts, rears, or strikes off into 
 a gallop ; and they will then have learned, 
 besides the art of riding, a great deal that 
 will be serviceable to them in after life. 
 
 But they should learn, in addition to the 
 art of riding, the nature and habits of the 
 horse. So noble, sagacious, and beautiful an 
 animal, is well worthy of their study. They 
 should be instructed in its muscular construc- 
 tion, and especially the wonderful adaptation 
 of its feet and legs to the purposes in which 
 it* is rendered so serviceable to man ; and 
 they should also learn the action and the use 
 of the bridle, with all the other trappings and 
 accoutrements of a horse, so that in case of 
 accident, such as the turning of a saddle, 
 or the breaking of a rein, they need not give 
 themselves up to useless terror, but set about 
 doing the right thing at the right time. 
 
 I mention more particularly these appa- 
 rently trivial things, because I am convinced 
 there is not sufficient use made, in the edu- 
 cation of children, of such common means 
 of exciting interest, and conveying informa- 
 tion at the same time ; and because it is not 
 in the act of riding alone, but throughout the 
 whole training of children, that too little pains 
 are taken to make them thoroughly acquaint- 
 ed with what they are about As a mere 
 dead lesson taught in a close school-room, 
 it is probable that the mind of a child would 
 with difficulty be made to receive any lasting 
 or correct idea of the character of a horse ; 
 but on a clear fresh morning in the country, 
 while riding by the side of a kind and intel- 
 ligent father, every thing told to a child about 
 
 the lively little animal, which carries it along 
 so cheerfully, pricking its ears at every move- 
 ment in the hawthorn hedge, keeping pace 
 with its more majestic companion, and deter- 
 mined not to be outdone, either in a light 
 gallop over the rebounding turf, or a leap 
 over the little brook which crosses the way 
 every tiling told to a child about a creature 
 so intensely interesting as its own pony, is 
 sure to be listened to and remembered. Nor 
 is it in the act of riding it alone that the 
 child finds delight There is the fetching it 
 up out of the field, and the merry turning 
 out a sight worth seeing both by old and 
 young ; for what can be more graceful than 
 the light movements and free play of a high- 
 spirited and beautiful horse ? 
 
 But we must not leave this subject with- 
 out reminding the mother, that it is one 
 which demands her peculiar care, as regards 
 her boys. It is a generally acknowledged 
 fact, that the class of men whose business 
 consists in the training and management of 
 horses are among the last whose society a 
 prudent mother would choose for her sons. 
 If, therefore, the father, or other members of 
 the family, cannot take charge of this depart- 
 ment in the education of children, it would 
 be better a thousand times that they should 
 never learn to ride, than learn this delightful 
 art at the risk of association with grooms and 
 stable-boys. Indeed, the first symptom which 
 develops itself in a boy, of a tendency to the 
 swagger of jockeyship, ought to be regarded 
 with the most serious apprehensions ; for 
 how many instances does the dark catalogue 
 of crime afford, of hopeful youths led astray 
 in the first instance by their taste for the 
 stable and the turf, whose career in the end 
 has been most degraded and ruinous ! 
 
 With regard to the exercise of riding, then, 
 as well as with a vast number of other 
 amusements, which may under certain cir- 
 cumstances be rendered not only lawful but 
 beneficial to young people, this rule ought to 
 be observed that unless the parents, or 
 friends whom they depute in their stead, can 
 take the whole matter into their own hands, 
 the amusement itself should not be thought
 
 GENERAL DUTIES OF A MOTHER. 
 
 75 
 
 of; and this rule I believe will hold good with 
 regard to visiting, reading, and a variety of 
 other things, which may or may not be ob- 
 jectionable, according to the associations with 
 which they are accompanied. There are 
 many books, for instance, which parents may 
 occasionally read to children with safety, ac- 
 companied by their own observations, but 
 which, if read alone and in secret, would 
 produce a very different impression upon the 
 youthful mind. If, therefore, I repeat, pa- 
 rents cannot, or will not, take the whole con- 
 duct and responsibility of these indulgences 
 into their own hands, they had infinitely bet- 
 ter narrow the sphere of their children's 
 amusements than allow them to be enjoyed at 
 so great a risk. 
 
 In speaking of the books to be allowed or 
 forbidden in a family, I do not feel myself 
 called upon to lay down, or even to suggest, 
 any rule. Indeed, it would appear to me a 
 little too much like presumption to dictate on 
 a point of duty belonging so exclusively to 
 the decision of parents, and depending so en- 
 tirely upon their individual views and habits. 
 So far as may be practicable, I should wish 
 more particularly to direct the attention of the 
 reader to those points of duty which are too 
 little thought of, but upon which all who 
 think seriously and impartially are agreed. 
 Under this class we may safely place the 
 rule, that nothing should be done clandes- 
 tinely in a family that there should be such 
 a feeling of confidence inspired by the pa- 
 rents, and such habits of freedom and can- 
 dor encouraged among their children, as 
 would tend very much to do away with all 
 temptation to deceive. 
 
 In order to effect this, however, there must 
 be considerable allowance made for the differ- 
 ence betwixt youth and age. We should 
 never forget that the one is going up the hill 
 the other down the one looking out from the 
 windows of the soul upon an untried world ; 
 the other returning, weary of that world, to 
 the retirement of the soul again. There 
 should be great allowance made also, for the 
 progressive changes in society, for the spread 
 of intelligence, the expansion of thought, and 
 
 the gradual advance of intellectual attain- 
 ments in every walk of life. 
 
 We have long since passed that stage of 
 civilization in which safety was regarded as 
 consisting in narrowing up the mind of youth, 
 and it is our business now, to find out how 
 safety may be made consistent with expan- 
 sion. In the first place, I should say, by 
 clear, honorable, and straight-forward treat- 
 ment at home. There should be no decep- 
 tion on the part of the mother, no false ex- 
 cuses even to obtain a good end, no calling 
 hard things by soft names, or other modes of 
 practising upon the credulity of childhood. 
 Even in cases of illness, let medicine be medi- 
 cine, though wrapped up in jelly ; and do 
 not pretend when it has to be administered, 
 that you are offering only a delicious treat. 
 A well-managed child, accustomed to habits 
 of implicit obedience, will take its medicine 
 knowing what it is, simply because it must 
 be taken, and because it believes that its mo- 
 ther will not require it to do any thing contrary 
 to its real good ; while the child at first de- 
 ceived into the belief that what is offered is 
 only currant-jelly, will in all probability detect 
 the trick, and ever afterwards exhibit a ten- 
 fold strength of determination to resist 
 
 But even where such practices are not dis- 
 covered by the child, (here is a moral mean- 
 ness on the part of the mother, in making 
 such a system the rule of her conduct to- 
 wards her family. If she is truly beloved and 
 esteemed, she will have influence enough to 
 enforce a direct obedience to her wishes, and 
 in case of resistance, she will have sufficient 
 authority to command. 
 
 In all families there will necessarily be the 
 occurrence of circumstances, or subjects of 
 discussion, with which the junior members 
 cannot with propriety be made acquainted. 
 These, however, are such as require no de- 
 ception to conceal, because there is no ne- 
 cessity for their being talked about, or even 
 hinted at, before children. Nothing is more 
 common with mothers than to send their 
 children out of the way on false pretences 
 to go and play in the garden, or to see what 
 the nurse is doing, when in reality their ab-
 
 78 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 sence is all that is desired. To a noble and 
 generous nature, there is something revolting 
 in this mode of treatment ; and I feel assured 
 that all children accustomed to look to a high 
 moral standard, would be better and happier 
 to be sent out of the room every day because 
 their parents wished to talk about something 
 not suitable for them to hear, than once to 
 detect those parents in having got rid of 
 them by a false pretence. 
 
 In these, as well as all other cases in which 
 they could understand it, children should be 
 admitted to know the very heart of their 
 mother. They should not be left by chance 
 to discover that they have been intruding 
 upon her privacy, and that because she 
 thought them too selfish and unreasonable 
 to bear to know the truth, she invented a 
 pretext for getting rid of their company with- 
 out otfending their vanity. Such discoveries, 
 whether made by the young or the old, have 
 invariably the effect of destroying confidence, 
 and estranging affection. Every thing, then, 
 which tends to destroy that open, generous, 
 upright spirit, which ought to pervade the 
 atmosphere of home, is as much to be feared, 
 as that which leads into more obvious and 
 direct evil ; because it operates upon the 
 moral constitution of children, and conse- 
 quently tells upon their future lives. 
 
 In the formation of character it makes an 
 immense difference, whether we aim at what 
 is great, or what is little. There is a feeble- 
 ness of resolution, a littleness of purpose, and 
 a puerility of character altogether, which 
 may be both amiable and respectable in its 
 way, but it must ever be in a small way ; and 
 while I should be sorry indeed to recommend 
 any thing likely to be destructive to simplici- 
 ty, I feel convinced in my own mind, that 
 true nobility of character will always be 
 found associated with a certain degree of 
 simplicity of heart 
 
 Eagerness to obtain immediate gratifica- 
 tion, to snatch at individual good, and to 
 reap the harvest as soon as the seed is sown, 
 is not only the characteristic of childhood, 
 but of all stages of life, with those who never 
 attain a moral dignity beyond that of chil- 
 
 dren. To prove that the possession of an 
 expected pleasure does not really do good, or 
 that the privation of it does not really do 
 harm, is a part of the discipline exercised by 
 Divine wisdom. It is a lesson we all have 
 to learn, and the sooner the better ; for hav- 
 ing learned this lesson, the eagerness of what 
 may be called an appetite for pleasure is al- 
 layed, and the mind is enabled to stretch on- 
 ward to that greater good, which, in so many 
 instances, can only be obtained by intermedi- 
 ate suffering and endurance. 
 
 Patient waiting for a long-expected issue, 
 with unabated efforts steadily directed to one 
 point, an eye fixed intently upon one object 
 of attainment, and not diverted by interve- 
 ning things these all belong to true great- 
 ness of character ; and they are more espe- 
 cially worthy of our attention, as forming 
 parts of the Christian character too ; for 
 where would be the exercise of faith, if things 
 hoped for were immediately seen 1 
 
 In the formation of a noble, and even of a 
 useful character, great importance should be 
 attached to the keeping of a promise, but 
 great regard should also be paid to the act of 
 forming it Some persons think they have 
 resolved, when they have merely said to 
 themselves they will do a thing ; and others 
 again, think they have resolved, when they 
 have made no calculation of the difficulties 
 to be encountered. In order to keep our res- 
 olution firm and inviolate, we should not 
 play with it We should not use it hastily, 
 or often, but rather keep it in reserve, as a 
 sacred power with which we are invested, 
 and which it would be an abuse of one of 
 the best gifts of God to man, to trifle with, 
 weaken, or destroy. 
 
 Children especially should be taught to 
 think well before they resolve ; but having 
 formed a resolution, they ought to be encour- 
 aged by all means to keep it. All promises 
 should also be scrupulously kept with them, 
 even at the cost of some annoyance to their pa- 
 rents or friends. It is related of Lord Chatham, 
 that having promised his son to see the pull- 
 ing down of a garden wall, he happened to 
 forget this promise, and had it pulled down
 
 GENERAL DUTIES OF A MOTHER. 
 
 77 
 
 in his absence. Yet so strong was his feeling 
 of the importance of what he had done, that 
 he ordered his workmen to build up the wall 
 again, in order that his son might witness 
 the downfall he had anticipated with so much 
 interest. 
 
 It seems strange that all the world should 
 concur in admiring a character of spotless in- 
 tegrity, and yet take so little pains to main- 
 tain it in the young, when we know that 
 every deviation from the direct line of recti- 
 tude on the part of parents, must necessarily 
 tend to obscure that line in the minds of their 
 children, who look up to them as examples, 
 and who are more influenced by the general 
 conduct of those with whom they associate, 
 than by the force of argument or the persua- 
 sion of eloquence. The manner in which 
 they are treated, then, should be firm, up- 
 right, and clear. There should be no confu- 
 sion of contending motives ; no aiming at one 
 thing, and pretending to aim at another. 
 Even in reasoning with them, things should 
 be spoken of as they are, not merely as their 
 parents wish them to be. 
 
 It is astonishing how far some well-mean- 
 ing persons seem to think they can stretch 
 the credulity of youth by representing the al- 
 lurements of the world as no allurements at 
 all. When it was so much the fashion to 
 admire Lord Byron that young people scarce- 
 ly admired any other author, many good per- 
 sons, without the least talent for criticism, 
 felt it their duty to depreciate him as a poet ; 
 while perhaps the very individuals they ad- 
 dressed had their minds so imbued with the 
 true spirit of poetry as to feel their under- 
 standings insulted at the same time that their 
 taste was offended, by a mode of reasoning 
 from data so evidently false. 
 
 It is thus with much that is too pleasing 
 in the world. We wish it was otherwise ; 
 but since it is pleasing, and especially so to 
 youth, we gain nothing by denying the fact, 
 or by speaking in disparaging terms of what 
 is really the very thing they most desire. 
 There must, with children, and with all in 
 whose feelings we wish to produce a radical 
 change, be a certain kind of meeting half way, 
 
 a candid acknowledgment of the truth, so far 
 as it goes, even when most opposed to our 
 wishes ; or by what means are they to be 
 made to believe, that we enter so far into their 
 feelings as to sympathize with them, and so 
 far into the case itself as to understand it? 
 
 Towards the support of true dignity of 
 character, many things are required, which 
 would not, on first looking at the subject, 
 appear to be at all essential. Among these 
 I would class a habit which ought to be made 
 part of the education of children that of 
 always speaking and behaving well at home. 
 Two sets of manners, one for the home circle, 
 and one for the circle of society to which they 
 are occasionally admitted, are sure to produce 
 the effect of making a character only half 
 what it ought to be. It is as easy to learn to 
 speak well, as to speak otherwise ; and where 
 the language of the fireside is always correct, 
 there can be no danger of being guilty of vul- 
 garisms on public occasions. 
 
 We are too apt to confuse the two ideas of 
 good society, and society above us. It is in 
 the power of all united and intelligent families, 
 to make their own society good, by adopting 
 such habits and manners at home, as they 
 would wish to be distinguished by abroad. 
 By never having indulged in vulgar habits, 
 or made use of a phraseology unfitted for the 
 best society, and by never having been accus- 
 tomed to blunt or awkward manners, a young 
 person will be spared the suffering of much 
 of that shyness and embarrassment, which 
 are the painful experience of those who only 
 behave well when they go into company ; 
 and who thus lay themselves open to the 
 suspicion of acting a part which is foreign to 
 their feelings ; at the same time that they 
 reveal the secret of an absence of good breed- 
 ing in their homes and families. 
 
 There are persons, however, whose beha- 
 vior is pleasant and obliging enough- to their 
 equals, whether at home or abroad, yet to 
 those whom they consider their inferior?, the 
 very reverse ; so that the very fact of any 
 one with whom they have to communicate, 
 being poor, ill-dressed, or in a dependent situ- 
 ation, seems to justify them in laying aside
 
 78 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 entirely their good manners. The less, then, 
 that children are allowed to consider good 
 manners as something apart from themselves, 
 something put on for a purpose or an occa- 
 sion, to be laid aside when no longer needed, 
 the more likely they will be to act consistently 
 in an amiable and obliging manner ; and if 
 carefully taught by their parents that they 
 have no more right to be rude to one class of 
 persons, than to another, they will be pre- 
 served from much that is objectionable in the 
 conduct of ill-bred families. In this, however, 
 as in so many other instances, the mother's 
 whole character, her daily and hourly con- 
 duct, and the moral atmosphere in which her 
 children live, will operate more advanta- 
 geously than all her arguments, or even her 
 entreaties. 
 
 If, in the first place, mothers are careful in 
 the choice of their servants, and faithful in 
 the discharge of their duty towards them, 
 they will experience neither difficulty nor 
 danger in studiously inculcating towards 
 them a kind and respectful behavior on the 
 part of their children ; and especially that 
 consideration which is always due to those 
 who spend their lives in laboring for our 
 comfort and convenience, with no other re- 
 ward than their necessary food and clothing. 
 The easy manner in which servants are got 
 rid of, and their places supplied by others ; 
 but more particularly the manner in which 
 they are too frequently spoken of, sometimes 
 as necessary evils, and sometimes as parties 
 infinitely obliged by our permitting them to 
 work for us ; the patient subserviency of this 
 class of persons, their willingness to serve us, 
 and the uncomplaining manner in which they 
 carry on the drudgery of every day, all tend 
 to impress the minds of children with an 
 idea, that it is but a matter of course, what 
 people are born to, and therefore worthy of 
 no sort of consideration, that servants should 
 labor all their lives, and that we should enjoy 
 the fruits of their labor. 
 
 Although one would scarcely venture to 
 recommend so deplorable an expedient, as 
 that a household should be without servants 
 for a week, or a month, in order to inspire a 
 
 higher sense of their value; yet there are 
 innumerable methods, which ought not to be 
 neglected, of teaching children that they are 
 under an obligation to respectable and oblig- 
 ing servants, which nothing can so well re- 
 pay, as to convince them, by our behavior, 
 that we perpetually bear in mind, not only 
 what may add to their comfort and conve- 
 nience, but also what may make their hard 
 lot harder than it is ; and this can be shown 
 in so many pleasant ways, without being too 
 familiar, that one would almost suppose the 
 mistress of a house, herself a well-bred wo- 
 man, would consider it an essential part of 
 good manners, that her children should be 
 well-behaved and considerate towards ser- 
 vants, as well as towards persons in their 
 own sphere of life. 
 
 Above all things degrading to the moral 
 dignity of a family, is a practice not uncom- 
 mon with a certain class of women, though 
 happily a small one, of encouraging their 
 children to watch the habits of servants, and 
 tell tales out of the kitchen. All well-regu- 
 lated families constitute one party, the ser- 
 vants as much bound to the interests of their 
 master and mistress, as the higher members 
 of the household are to those of the lower ; 
 and no sooner is a system of espionage es- 
 tablished, and a habit acquired of acting for 
 one party in the establishment against another, 
 than the fall predicted of the house divided 
 against itself, may with certainty be antici- 
 pated. Children, in fact, should never be 
 made partisans in any thing. Whatever our 
 own prejudices, or even suspicions, may be, 
 their minds should be left unbiased, except 
 so far as relates to actual facts ; and where 
 facts are unfavorable on the part of servants, 
 the sooner such servants are got rid of the 
 better, even though in some respects they 
 may be suited exactly to our particular pur- 
 pose. 
 
 But at the same time that it is highly de- 
 sirable for children to be effectually prevented 
 from assuming a premature lordship and 
 dominion over servants, and more especially 
 from regarding as unworthy of consideration 
 all which relates to their comfort and accom-
 
 GENERAL DUTIES OF A MOTHER. 
 
 79 
 
 modation ; they ought, on the other hand, to 
 be carefully guarded against making them- 
 selves a party with servants, either in obtain- 
 ing their own ends in opposition to their pa- 
 rents, or serving the selfish purposes of ser- 
 vants in any other way. All symptoms of 
 the society of this class of persons being a 
 favorite indulgence to the young, is an omen 
 of danger which ought not to be disregarded ; 
 and above every thing they should be kept 
 away from their bed-rooms, as well as from 
 every other place where servants are privi- 
 leged to carry on their own peculiar style of 
 conversation, unrestrained by any fear of 
 intrusion. 
 
 With every possible allowance for the de- 
 fective education of this class of persons, and 
 with the highest esteem for the general char- 
 acter of a truly respectable servant, I still 
 think that the best of them are too much 
 under the influence of false and limited views 
 of things in general, to admit of their being 
 desirable companions for children in their 
 moments of unrestrained confidence. But 
 when we speak of those who are not the 
 best, especially of those artful and unprinci- 
 pled characters who endeavor to work their 
 way by flattering the vanity, or falling in with 
 the wrong feelings of their superiors, it is im- 
 possible to express too strongly the sense 
 which all reasonable persons must entertain, 
 of the dangerous consequences likely to ensue 
 from association with such individuals, even 
 in the nursery, where the influence of the 
 mother might be supposed most likely to im- 
 pose a certain degree of restraint 
 
 What shall we say, however, where the 
 mother is a party implicated, and where the 
 habit of telling depreciating stories of other 
 people's children, is made a means of gaining 
 favor, at the same time that it must awaken 
 in the minds of the young, the worst feelings 
 of human nature envy, and jealousy of those 
 above them, and contempt for those whom 
 they imagine to be beneath"? For, independ- 
 ently of the false ideas of merit which are 
 thus affixed to their notions of fine dresses, 
 and personal beauty, abundant supplies of 
 money, and other considerations of merely 
 
 casual and inferior importance, the calling 
 into operation by such means a contemptu- 
 ous or bitter feeling towards their fellow- 
 creatures, is, perhaps, the greatest injury 
 which it is in the power of a mother to inflict 
 upon her children. Yet how often in the 
 mere momentary pastime of the nursery, do 
 mothers and nurses wield these fatal weapons, 
 so deadly in the warfare they wage against 
 human happiness ! How often does the 
 vulgar observation, that Miss C is beauti- 
 fully dressed, but does not become her dress 
 so well as Miss B , awaken calculations of 
 low rivalry, and thoughts inimical to all 
 nobility of feeling in the breast of a young 
 listener, who pines to be out-shining a neigh- 
 bor's child, where she is foolishly led to be- 
 lieve that her triumph would be complete ! 
 
 It seems to be our business here to look 
 only at the dark side of human nature, but 
 there is yet another feature in the moral 
 training of the nursery, to which allusion 
 must be made. I have thus far said little of 
 the position which a father holds in his 
 family, yet this I believe it will always be in 
 the power of the mother to render exalted 
 and dignified, or directly the reverse. We 
 have all heard of such a thing perhaps 
 some of us have seen it as a mother mak- 
 ing a party with her children to oppose the 
 wishes or authority of their father. We 
 have heard of secret cabals in the nursery, 
 and little deceptions practised in the parlor, 
 and hints given, and expressive looks ex- 
 changed, and little speeches made, which had 
 been planned beforehand to produce a par- 
 ticular effect and of all this being made to 
 constitute a system of behavior by which a 
 father was to be duped by his own children, 
 and his wife ! And painful as it is to believe 
 that meanness so degrading should be found 
 to exist on the part of women, there is but 
 too much reason to fear, that from the ab- 
 sence of clear views, and sound principles, 
 from having had recourse to artifice, to make 
 the domestic machine move smoothly, and 
 from having once fallen into a low and grov- 
 elling mode of conduct in little things, an 
 approach to this system, if not actually the
 
 80 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 extreme of it, is practised on the part of 
 many women, whose feelings would revolt 
 from the base and unqualified idea of acting 
 ungenerously towards their husbands, and 
 their children, at the same time. 
 
 There are many persons who will serve us 
 personally to the utmost of their power, who 
 will not be faithful to us. There are many 
 who will wait upon us when we are ill, who 
 scruple not to make one of a party against us. 
 There are many who spend their strength in 
 adding to our bodily enjoyments, who will 
 not guard our moral dignity, nor preserve us 
 from mental suffering. There are many wo- 
 men who love their husbands, and do not 
 honor them perhaps some who cannot ; and 
 such women never know the whole of the 
 difficulties of their lot, until they have chil- 
 dren to bring up, and to instruct in their filial 
 duties. But still even in these cases, there is 
 much that a faithful wife may do towards 
 establishing a right feeling betwixt her hus- 
 band and her children, by screening his faults 
 from observation ; and where they are too ob- 
 vious for concealment, by speaking of them 
 with pity, rather than with blame ; by dwell- 
 ing with tenderness and constancy upon those 
 features in his character which present a more 
 favorable aspect ; and by setting an example 
 of giving honor where honor is due, simply be- 
 cause it has pleased the Allwise Disposer of 
 human events, to place her and her children 
 in an inferior situation as regards their father. 
 
 It must be granted, however, that there are 
 cases in which men will not be dignified and 
 influential in their own families, nor can any- 
 bjdy make them so ; and where also, with 
 great propriety, they give up their share in 
 the management of their children entirely to 
 the mother. Yet here again, a right-minded 
 woman, possessed of tact and delicacy of feel- 
 ing, will so exercise her delegated authority, 
 as that it shall appear to her children to be 
 willingly conceded on the part of her husband, 
 and not possessed by her as an unquestiona- 
 ble right 
 
 But there are even worse cases than these, 
 where parents cannot agree in their ideas of 
 what is best for their children ; and without 
 
 presuming to interfere where no third party 
 has any right to meddle, I can only urge upon 
 the mother thus situated, never to allow dis- 
 putes betwixt her and her husband to take 
 place betore other members of the family 
 never to allow them even to suppose that 
 such disputes do arise to disturb the secret 
 current of domestic happiness. 
 
 So much has been said by writers of every 
 description upon the depth and the tenderness 
 of maternal love, that to enlarge upon such a 
 theme would be only to echo the sentiments 
 of every human heart But we must not for- 
 get, that while wholly given up to this feeling, 
 so sacred in itself, there is such a thing as 
 neglecting, for the sake of the luxury it affords, 
 the duty of a wife. Yes ; there is such a 
 thing as forgetting when the father returns 
 home, that it ought to be to a scene of order, 
 harmony, and comfort There is such a thing 
 as forgetting, that the personal beauty, the 
 neatness, and the grace which first charmed 
 his fancy, gives place to a meager substitute 
 for him, in the forlornness, and neglect of the 
 devoted nurse. There is such a thing as for- 
 getting, that however interesting children 
 may be, they ought never to occupy the at- 
 tention of their mother, to the exclusion of 
 their father, or his affairs. It is true, that un- 
 like them, he is competent to manage his af- 
 fairs himself; but it deserves no milder name 
 than cruelty, when a father is made to feel 
 jealous of his own children when that love, 
 which in the first instance was solemnly and 
 tenderly pledged to support and comfort him 
 for life, is thus unnecessarily torn from its al- 
 legiance, to be concentrated where he has at 
 least an equal right to share in the benefits it 
 is calculated to bestow upon all, without di- 
 minishing the share of any. 
 
 It is possible even to love in a selfish man- 
 ner. Whenever the heart is fixed upon one 
 object, to the exclusion of all others, affection 
 partakes of this character ; and wherever a 
 mother thus doats upon her children, she is 
 guilty of an act of unfaithfulness to her hus- 
 band, at the same time that she places herself 
 in a perilous position, from whence the first 
 shock of disease, or the first symptom of in-
 
 HINTS ON EDUCATION. 
 
 81 
 
 gratitude, may cast her down into utter 
 wretchedness. 
 
 We must endeavor then to make our affec- 
 tions, as well as our talents, answer the ends 
 for which they were designed by a wise and 
 merciful Creator. They must not be narrow- 
 ed up so as to contract those streams of be- 
 nevolence so much needed in a state of vicis- 
 situde like our present life ; nor must they be 
 concentrated into one focus, so as to barn 
 with dangerous and destructive intensity. 
 This kind of love is one which neither gives, 
 nor receives, the happiness for which love was 
 designed. It is in fact only a species of re- 
 fined selfishness, not less requiring in its de- 
 mands, than it is jealous of offence, and quick 
 ! to be revenged, whenever the interests of the 
 beloved one are supposed to be invaded. 
 
 The nature of true affection is diffusive 
 and benevolent. It possesses the rare prop- 
 erty of not being expended by exercise, nor 
 weakened by expansion ; and the mother 
 who, as a Christian woman, loves supremely 
 the highest object of all affection, who lives 
 in charity with the whole human race, who 
 loves her country and her kindred because 
 they are such, and who feels that every 
 member of the great family of earth has a 
 claim upon her sympathy and her kindness, 
 is not more likely to 
 
 "forget the child 
 That smiled so sweetly on her knee," 
 
 than if she loved that child alone, and, for its 
 sake, excluded from her bosom all feeling of 
 sympathy and affection for every other crea- 
 ture in the world. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 HINTS ON EDUCATION. 
 
 IT has been said by Miss Hamilton, that 
 " to be truly estimable in the eyes of her off- 
 spring, a mother should be capable of educa- 
 ting them herself;" and certainly where this 
 is the case, the mistress of a household gains 
 much in her influence over the junior mem- 
 bers. Yet there is too much reason to fear 
 
 it would be a hopeless task with mothers in 
 general, to attempt to persuade them to un- 
 dertake, more frequently than they do, the 
 practical part of the education of their chil- 
 dren ; to set apart one hour, and no more, 
 for the reception of morning calls ; and if 
 one of the two departments must be given 
 up, to leave the kitchen rather than the 
 school-room, to the management of those 
 less interested than themselves, in what will be 
 the result of the operations there carried on. 
 
 To such as may be disposed to turn the 
 exercise of their talents into this natural and 
 suitable channel, there is one encouraging 
 circumstance ever to be borne in mind, and 
 that is, the incomparable advantages possess- 
 ed by a mother over other teachers, in the 
 intellectual as well as the moral education of 
 her children. In this respect the concentra- 
 tion of a mother's interest in one point, and 
 the constancy of her endeavors to attain it 
 through a length of time which has no defin- 
 ite termination, place her in a situation highly 
 favorable for undertaking the education of 
 her children ; and if, in some respects, she 
 may be less qualified than others, whose 
 services may be obtained by paying for them, 
 surely a mother's love, a mother's watchful- 
 ness, and a mother's earnest zeal for the 
 good of her children, might weigh in the 
 balance against a little extra Latin or Greek. 
 
 There is one circumstance also, on the 
 other side of the question, which ought to be 
 noticed, though by no means unkindly, as 
 regards the hired teacher, who looks very 
 naturally to an immediate result to as much 
 credit as can possibly be obtained by the 
 education or training of one set of pupils, ex- 
 pecting always to have to pass on to another 
 set ; while the mother knows that in her 
 own family centres all her duty, and if rightly 
 discharged there, her reward will be sure. 
 To the hired teacher, each particular child, 
 even the only one in a family, and the pride 
 of its mother's heart, constitutes but one 
 article in the general business of life, to be 
 treated like hundreds of others, turned over, 
 and disposed of, as creditably as time and 
 circumstances will allow. Even to a serious-
 
 82 
 
 TIIE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 minded and strictly conscientious teacher, 
 deeply sensible of the responsibilities attend- 
 ant upon the education of youth, such a 
 child is but one among the many, perhaps 
 neither attractive nor interesting in itself, and 
 sometimes requiring the utmost stretch of 
 patience and forbearance to exercise towards 
 it common justice. Where such, then, is all 
 the feeling this child is capable of inspiring 
 towards itself, surely the mother's love, and 
 the mother's care, must be needed to carry 
 on its education to the best advantage, so 
 that it shall neither be overlooked, despised, 
 nor set aside as unworthy of the attention 
 which it is often so much more pleasant to 
 bestow upon others. 
 
 And here I would wish to whisper into the 
 ear of partial mothers, if I could without of- 
 fending them, that the child which they es- 
 teem both beautiful and attractive, is often 
 neither the one nor the other to an impartial 
 observer ; that the raptures which are ex- 
 pressed by the company around the dinner- 
 table, when the little darling is introduced 
 with the dessert, are no sort of proof that the 
 object of them is really charming in itself; 
 and that one half of those apparently inter- 
 ested inquirers, who ask about its age, its 
 teeth, its walking, and its peculiar habits, and 
 who declare that in all these particulars it 
 surpasses any other child they know, or at 
 least all the children of their mutual friends, 
 would say pretty much the same, if the heir 
 of the house should appear toothless* bald, 
 and shrivelled, and with every feature of his 
 face distorted. I speak of only half the in- 
 discriminate admirers of children, when I 
 venture upon these remarks ; and when we 
 recollect that the other half do really admire 
 them, from the impulse which nature has 
 kindly given to so many human hearts, and 
 without the slightest reference to individual 
 charms when we recollect that there are 
 persons who can scarcely pass a baby in the 
 street without an inclination to embrace it, 
 there is little indeed left for the fond mother 
 to build her faith upon, in the flattering re- 
 ception with which her child is welcomed by 
 her guests. 
 
 I believe all mothers are sensible of the 
 absurdity of flattery thus bestowed upon the 
 children of their neighbors, and there are 
 many quick-sighted and impartial enough to 
 detect it when bestowed upon their own ; 
 but, alas ! there are others, who forget, at 
 the very moment they should remember, that 
 their lengthy and minute details of the affairs 
 of the nursery, are calculated only for those 
 moments of confidential intercourse, in which 
 the ear of true friendship is not too severely 
 tried by listening, and in which friendship, in- 
 deedj would not deserve the name, if it could 
 not cordially enter into all the minutiae of what 
 must naturally be so near the mother's heart 
 
 Making all due allowance, then, for the 
 darling of the family being but an ordinary 
 child, to those who look upon it with impartial 
 eyes, we must leave the question of home- 
 education to the conscience and the feelings 
 of parents, assured that this important ques- 
 tion must ever be subject to an endless variety 
 of considerations, such as the individuals con- 
 cerned can only take into account ; and since 
 there are occasionally instances of weak and 
 injudicious mothers, fathers whose example 
 is a hindrance to the progress of good educa- 
 tion, houses in which neither order nor regu- 
 larity can be found, and families in which the 
 world may be said to be their household god, 
 we ought to be thankful that there are public 
 schools to which children can be sent, and 
 teachers to be met with, whose laborious and 
 faithful exertions are but ill requited by the 
 small and grudging pittance usually offered 
 as the reward of their labors. 
 
 In the choice of a school, or of any other 
 mode of education, mothers should be espe- 
 cially careful to be clear in their own views, 
 as to what it is they are aiming at in the edu- 
 cation of their children ; and as this work is 
 addressed particularly to individuals in the 
 middle class of society, I would urge upon 
 them the importance of remembering, that 
 one great aim in the education of this class 
 of persons in England, should be to dignify 
 the sphere of life to which they belong, not to 
 creep up into another. 
 
 We are often told that a liberal education
 
 HINTS ON EDUCATION. 
 
 is wanted ; but we do not always understand 
 what is meant by this whether an education 
 liberally paid for, or an education conducted 
 upon liberal principles. If the latter, we 
 must bear in mind, that the great enemy to 
 liberal education is prejudice ; and that there 
 are school prejudices may I not venture to 
 say college prejudices also ] as well as the 
 prejudices of home. 
 
 Again, we hear of a genteel education be- 
 ing wanted ; and when this is not likely to be 
 acquired at home, we cannot wonder at some 
 pains being taken to procure it abroad ; but I 
 own I have wondered that mothers thus situ- 
 ated, should choose for their daughters, per- 
 haps raw girls from the country, those high 
 seminaries in town, of which it is said, by 
 way of recommendation, that none besides 
 children of the highest classes are admitted, 
 and where the expenses are beyond the reach 
 of common people. I have wondered, be- 
 cause in the first place, what must be the 
 sufferings of an awkward, ignorant, and 
 timid girl, when placed in such a situation ? 
 and in the second, after being drilled into the 
 different ceremonies of polite education, after 
 having acquired a taste for fashionable hab- 
 its, and a love for all that belongs to aristo- 
 cratic life, what must be her difficulties on 
 again returning to a home, where the remem- 
 brance of these things can only be revived by 
 the perusal of court calendars and novels] 
 
 But we are told and here the subject as- 
 sumes a more serious character that a reli- 
 gious education is wanted ; and certainly 
 where one or both the parents of a family 
 are themselves deficient in religious knowl- 
 edge, but especially where they are defective 
 in religious principle, where, for instance, the 
 father is a man whose conduct and conver- 
 sation are such as to render the atmosphere 
 of home ungenial to the growth of religious 
 feeling, the mother does wisely, most wisely, 
 to send her children beyond the reach of such 
 powerfully contaminating influence, until their 
 own characters are sufficiently established, 
 and their own views so far confirmed, as to 
 render it less likely to be injurious to their 
 best interests. 
 
 The situation of mothers thus circum- 
 stanced, is one which claims our deepest, 
 tenderest sympathy ; and if for no other class 
 of persons, for them alone, it would be well 
 worth all the labor required by the routine of 
 school-learning, and all the anxiety and pains 
 bestowed upon the forming of different sys- 
 tems of education, to provide the children of 
 such parents with a place of refuge from the 
 many temptations and disadvantages of their 
 lot, as well as with a temporary home more 
 favorable to the cultivation of religious prin- 
 ciples than their own. If for no other cla?s 
 of persons, we ought to be thankful for the 
 sake of these, that there are noble-minded in- 
 dividuals, willing to spend their talents and 
 their time in the most laborious of all occu- 
 pations ; at the same time that it is one, which, 
 in a worldly point of view, receives the small- 
 est portion of reward. We ought to be 
 thankful that there are those, who, in the dis- 
 charge of this onerous but sacred duty, yield 
 to no prejudice which requires a compromise 
 of principle, and shrink from no labor which 
 human strength can sustain ; but patiently, 
 faithfully, and without hope of reward, ex- 
 cept in a future state, and from Him who 
 seeth in secret, and to whom alone is really 
 known the. incalculable difficulties of their 
 peculiar lot, go on from month to month, and 
 from year to year, sacrificing daily, and sortie- 
 times nightly rest, nay, almost every other 
 personal indulgence, for the sake of training 
 up young persons from whom they never can 
 receive the love of children ; and for the 
 sake of forming characters, whose highest, 
 noblest, and most attractive qualifications, will 
 pass from under their view, and perhaps never 
 again in this world be recognized by them. 
 
 After looking seriously at the situation of 
 mothers who are really unable to educate 
 their own children, at the situation of those 
 who cannot hope to preserve them from con- 
 tamination at home ; after considering the im- 
 mense responsibility and labor of those who 
 undertake the management of schools, it 
 seems strange that parents do not generally 
 consider it as part of their duty, to see that 
 justice is done in committing their children
 
 84 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 to the care of comparative strangers. It 
 seems strange that there should be any mo- 
 thers found so ungenerous and inconsiderate 
 as to hold up to their children the prospect of 
 going to school, by way of threatening them 
 with a punishment, rather than indulging 
 them with a privilege. Yet so it is; and 
 those who undertake the most difficult of all 
 duties, have too often to contend with a preju- 
 dice in the minds of the young, against that 
 mode of instruction which is carried on from 
 home, or rather, in other words, against being 
 sent to school. Thus we often hear mothers 
 say " If you do not apply yourself to your 
 lessons, or if you do not mind what I say, 
 you shall be sent away to school." Yet even 
 this threat is scarcely so influential upon the 
 minds of children, as the feasting and revelry 
 of home during the short season of holiday 
 life which children sent to school occasionally 
 enjoy, and which, vhen compared with the 
 dull routine of daily tasks, and the plain sub- 
 stantial food it is necessary to provide where 
 many have to be fed, during the rest of the 
 year, presents a contrast by no means favor- 
 able to the scholastic view of the subject, 
 though in reality the young pupil is often 
 happier at school than at home. 
 
 Indeed, if we were to judge of happiness 
 by healthy, cheerful looks, and by general 
 contentment of appearance and manners, we 
 should be compelled to say, that school had 
 often greatly the advantage over home ; for 
 what with indulgence, over-eating, and want 
 of regular employment, the holiday life is apt 
 to close with little satisfaction beyond the 
 feeling that it has come to an end ; while the 
 return to school habits, and school discipline 
 again, is attended with no other regret, than 
 what may easily be traced to a spoiled tern- 
 
 "- 3ff 
 
 per, and a disordered stomach. 
 
 But treating the subject mor6 seriously, I 
 would ask, Is all this just, to those who take 
 the children back under their care, about as 
 much injured as it is possible to be in the 
 space of time set apart for relaxation 1 Is it 
 just, to permit children to think that home, if 
 they might but be permitted to remain there, 
 would be always the same as it appears to 
 
 them during the holidays ; and that school is 
 a place of punishment, from which if they 
 could but escape, they should be always doing 
 as they liked, always eating good tiling?, and 
 consequently always happy 1 Is it just, to put 
 them upon making comparisons, to elicit 
 from them confessions as to what they en- 
 dure in the way of privation, what things are 
 mean, what things are wanting to comfort, 
 and wherein they might easily be more in- 
 dulged than they are 1 Yet all this is done 
 again and again, and then it is regretted that 
 children are not fond of school. 
 
 But is it really regretted ] No ; the secret 
 lies here. There is a paltry kind of jealousy in 
 the minds of some mothers, lest their children 
 should derive as large a portion of enjoyment 
 from others, as from themselves. They do 
 not wish them to be made happy, so much 
 as they wish to be the makers of their hap- 
 piness. They wish, in fact, that their chil- 
 dren should look to them as the sole fountain 
 of indulgence and pleasure ; and in order to 
 accomplish this selfish purpose, they are will- 
 ing to assist in persuading them that they are 
 miserable during ten months of the year. 
 
 We gladly turn, however, from the con- 
 templation of such practices, to the situation 
 of a mother, who, conscious of her own ina- 
 bility to conduct the intellectual education of 
 her children, holds her trust as a parent too 
 sacred, to permit her to confide the whole of 
 their moral training to another. Such will 
 doubtless have recourse to the plan of en- 
 gaging teachers in their own families, in 
 which case, the mother, if she be a judicious 
 woman, can with |he greatest propriety take 
 the general charge<KYid oversight of her chil- 
 dren's education, so far at least as she fully 
 understands it. And without much learning 
 herself, she may often understand with what 
 particular faculties her children are naturally 
 endowed, in what respects they require to 
 be urged on, and in what restrained, with 
 many other points of the utmost importance 
 to be known in conducting their education. 
 
 The mother too must know, or at any rate 
 she ought to Know, what are the remote ob- 
 jects to be kept in view in the training and
 
 HINTS ON EDUCATION. 
 
 85 
 
 culture of her children's minds. As when 
 one sense, particularly that of sight, is defec- 
 tive, some of the others may be quickened to 
 such a degree as to supply its deficiency ; so, 
 where one mental faculty is defective, the 
 mother will be aware that others ought to be 
 so cultivated as to supply its place. She will 
 be able to understand the difference betwixt 
 a mere mechanical memory, and a memory 
 depending upon cause and effect ; and there- 
 fore, when told that one of her chi'dren is a 
 good historian because it remembers dates, 
 she will turn with satisfaction to another, 
 who is defective in dates, because she knows 
 that he can remember the spirit of the his- 
 tory he reads. 
 
 These examples are but specimens of a 
 vast variety of considerations which come 
 within the sphere of a mother's observation, 
 and to act upon which, constitutes an im- 
 portant part of maternal duty. Especially, 
 we must observe among this class, the case 
 of a child endowed with one talent in an ex- 
 traordinary degree. In all such cases, it 
 gratifies the pride of the teacher, at the same 
 time that it affords him pleasure, to cultivate 
 such talent to a great extent. But the mo- 
 ther, whose care is for the happiness of her 
 child, rather than its renown, who would not 
 risk its safety for the world's applause, and 
 who looks onward to its ultimate good, rather 
 than to its immediate success the mother 
 asks with fear and trembling perhaps she 
 asks with faith and prayer, what moral fac- 
 ulty it will be wisest to cultivate with pecu- 
 liar attention, so as best to preserve her child 
 from the dangers which beset the path of 
 genius, or of extraordinary talent of any kind. 
 If the talent be for music, the mother will be 
 quick to feel, that an attachment to home, 
 and interest in the fireside circle there, will 
 be the best preservation which human means 
 afford ; and if this talent is displayed in a 
 son, she will be anxious that his sisters shall 
 associate themselves with him in the same 
 pursuit ; she will listen, when perhaps it is 
 not convenient to her, to the last piece he 
 has learned ; she will even ask him to sing 
 or play, when as a merely selfish gratification 
 
 it is far from being what she would most de- 
 sire ; and she will bear patiently with his 
 practising even upon the violin, rather than 
 he should feel that he must seek for sympa- 
 thy among strangers, and an audience away 
 from home. 
 
 I have mentioned music, as the talent 
 which occurred to me as most liable to lead 
 into temptation, but every other natural en- 
 dowment of a high and distinguished char- 
 acter may be studiously preserved from dan- 
 ger in the same manner as this ; and it is 
 only to the mother that we can look for the 
 discharge of this important trust It is only 
 to the mother that we can look for the gene- 
 ral character of her child. Education may 
 be well paid for, lessons may be regular, and 
 teachers highly approved, but when all the 
 different branches of learning have been 
 taught by separate masters, the character of 
 the child will still be demanded at the mo- 
 ther's hand. 
 
 But we are told again that a religious edu- 
 cation is what the mother wishes to insure, 
 in sending her children to school ; and cer- 
 tainly where some of those disadvantages 
 prevail at home, to which allusion has al- 
 ready been made, she does well in placing 
 them under more efficient care, or in circum- 
 stances where they will be less exposed to 
 temptation. There are, however, many ex- 
 cellent mothers, whose own care one would 
 suppose likely to be more efficient in this re- 
 spect, than it is possible for that of any super- 
 intendent of a school to be ; and here is one 
 of those strange anomalies which often 
 startle us into astonishment at the various 
 contradictions presented by human nature 
 that a pious mother, truly and deeply solicit- 
 ous for the best interests of her children a 
 mother to whom religion is indeed the one 
 thing needful, whose early training of her 
 family has been watchful and scrupulous, 
 and whose prayers are offered up with 
 trembling earnestness that no rude wind 
 may blight the blossoms of bright promise 
 already opening in the young minds com- 
 mitted to her care that such a mother 
 should be willing nay, anxious to commit
 
 86 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 her children to the charge of comparative 
 strangers, who must necessarily commence 
 the arduous task of educating them for time 
 and for eternity, without that one great qual- 
 ification by which she has been especially 
 fitted for the work without a parent's love. 
 
 Nor is this all. The mother knows what 
 characters, and tempers, what habits, conver- 
 sation, and even what thoughts, engage the 
 attention or occupy the minds of those who 
 meet around her own fireside. She knows 
 in short what elements compose the moral 
 atmosphere of home. They may not all be 
 pure, they may not all be healthy, but still 
 she knows what they are, and how they 
 combine with, oppose, or operate upon, each 
 other. In a school composed of ten, twenty, 
 or fifty children, neither the mother nor any 
 any one else can know this, because the very 
 system of school discipline precludes the 
 possibility of that close and long-continued 
 intimacy which prevails in private families ; 
 it must therefore be a work of faith, and 
 that of no common order, to believe that the 
 moral atmosphere of schools will contain 
 nothing injurious, or even less than is con- 
 tained in that of home. 
 
 It is a great sacrifice for natural love to 
 make, for that instinctive attachment which 
 is fed by caresses, and which lives in the 
 presence of the beloved object, it is a great 
 sacrifice even for maternal affection to make, 
 when a mother sends away a hopeful and 
 lovely child for months, and years, in the 
 fresh spring-time of its existence, when each 
 day unfolds some opening bud, and each 
 year brings forth some ripening fruit She 
 would hardly treat her garden in this man- 
 ner. If she wished it to be as beautiful as 
 care and culture could make it, she would 
 hardly let it out for years, and allow strangers 
 to have all the responsibility of making it 
 what it ought to be, while upon them would 
 be wasted all its sweets. She would hardly 
 give this garden up while all its plants were 
 tender, and required the greatest care ; while 
 all its bowers and beds, and pleasant walks, 
 and spots of beauty, were being planned, laid 
 out, and cultivated, only to resume her right 
 
 to the possession of it, when all was finished, 
 when the plants had taken deep and lasting 
 root, and the trees had grown to a stately 
 height, after the manner of the bending of 
 the early twig. Even in her garden, though 
 workmen might be employed in various de- 
 partments of cultivation, the mother's enjoy- 
 ment would be to be always on the spot, to 
 take the direction of the whole, to see that 
 the gardeners did their duty ; but especially 
 to luxuriate in the perpetual delight which 
 the progress and the beauty of that garden 
 would afford. Truly it is a mystery beyond 
 solution, that a fond mother should prefer 
 sending her children away from home, to 
 pursue their education entirely under the 
 care of strangers ! 
 
 But the greatest mystery is yet to come. 
 What is the religious education of a child 1 
 Some persons appear to think it consists en- 
 tirely in imparting instruction, or storing its 
 memory with religious knowledge ; and cer- 
 tainly, as far as knowledge goes, this is a 
 most important part-of religious education ; 
 but then it is only a part. To be educated 
 for a profession, an art, or a business, is to 
 learn to practise it ; and above every other 
 profession, it is so with that of religion. It is 
 the custom in some parts of Germany, to 
 have religion masters attend young people at 
 certain hours during the progress of their 
 education, and the religious education of 
 schools must necessarily, to a certain extent, 
 resemble this ; while that of home may be 
 adapted to every peculiarity of character, as 
 well as to all those changes in the tone and 
 the temper of the mind, by which young 
 persons are rendered more or less suscepti- 
 ble of impression. How is it, then, that the 
 pious mother can willingly resign those pre- 
 cious moments of familiar intercourse be- 
 tween herself and her child, when the fear 
 of shame is lost sight of in the confidence of 
 love, and it spreads before her legible pet- 
 haps to no other eye the little tablet of its 
 half-formed thoughts, and asks and hears 
 about the things of heaven ? How is it she 
 can bear to think, that when ill or sorrowful, 
 perhaps buffeted by strangers, perhaps un-
 
 HINTS OX EDUCATION. 
 
 kindly treated by companions rude in thought 
 and act, perhaps guilty, punished, and peni- 
 tent, it sinks weeping upon its little couch at 
 night, and wonders whether indeed the great 
 God of heaven and earth is really kind ; 
 how can she bear to think that no one comes 
 to lay a fond protecting hand upon its brow, 
 to sing the hymn of peace, or to tell of a 
 blessed Saviour who took little children in his 
 arms, and said that of such was the kingdom 
 of his Father 1 
 
 Beyond such thoughts, which one would 
 naturally suppose might present themselves 
 with intense interest, and in endless variety, to 
 the mind of the fond mother, there are consid- 
 erations with regard to the peculiarities of a 
 child, which, if duly considered, would al- 
 ways operate against a system of education 
 carried on at public schools. I mean the pe- 
 culiar characteristics of children, one requir- 
 ing a mode of treatment so different from 
 another. As relates to lessons, and mere 
 learning, this is perhaps less necessary to be 
 considered ; but as relates to religious edu- 
 cation, it is of immense importance, since 
 there are scarcely two human minds so con- 
 stituted, as to be seriously impressed in ex- 
 actly the same manner ; or, we might add, 
 likely to be impressed at the same time ; for 
 there is as much in fitness of time for re- 
 ceiving, as in fitness of means for imparting, 
 religious instruction. It is therefore the mo- 
 ther alone, with her faithful watching, her in- 
 stinctive perceptions, and her fervent zeal 
 for the everlasting welfare of her child, who 
 is fully qualified to use to the best advantage, 
 all the means which a kind Providence has 
 placed in her hands, for the religious educa- 
 tion of her children. 
 
 With these remarks, and with an assurance 
 to the mothers of England that I have no 
 wish to do more than suggest ideas for their 
 consideration, and by no means would pre- 
 sume either to dictate or to judge respecting 
 their duties on this important subject, I will 
 close my observations by quoting, at consid- 
 erable length, an admirable summary of the 
 advantages to be derived from children being 
 educated under the eye of their parents. 
 
 These remarks occur in " Home Education," 
 a work which all mothers, who doubt the de- 
 sirableness of sending their children to school, 
 would do well to peruse; for though they 
 will see, as many have done, that the system 
 of education recommended there, would re- 
 quire advantages of a domestic character, 
 and qualifications on the part of the mother, 
 far beyond what it is the privilege of most 
 families to enjoy, there are admirable pas- 
 sages, and valuable and useful hints, which 
 may be rendered highly serviceable in giving 
 the subject a serious and impartial consider- 
 ation. 
 
 "I wish, then," says the author of "Home 
 Education," after many excellent remarks on 
 the subject, " briefly to point out the probable 
 influence upon the country, of the preva- 
 lence, to some extent, of home education ; 
 and what I mean to affirm is this that, even 
 if schools, and large schools, were granted to 
 be generally better adapted to the practical 
 ends of education than private instruction, 
 and that the majority of all ranks should 
 receive their mental culture in that mode ; 
 nevertheless, that the welfare of society, on 
 the whole, demands the prevalence, to some 
 considerable extent, of the other method ; 
 and that a portion of the community a por- 
 tion of every rank of the middle and upper 
 classes especially, should come under that 
 very different and more intimate process of 
 culture of which home must be the scene. 
 The school- bred man is of one sort the 
 home-bred man is of another ; and the com- 
 munity has need of both : nor could any 
 measures be much more to be deprecated, 
 nor any tyranny of fashion more to be re- 
 sisted, than such as should render a public 
 education, from first to last, compulsory and 
 universal. 
 
 " It is found, in fact, that a quiet, but firm 
 individuality a self-originating steadiness of 
 purpose, a thoughtful intensity of sentiment, 
 and a passive power, such as stems the tide 
 of fashion and frivolous opinions, belong, as 
 their characteristics, to home-bred men ; and 
 especially to such of this class as are self- 
 taught. Now we affirm that, whatever may
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 sometimes be the rigidness or the uncompli- 
 ant sternness of men of this stamp, a serious, 
 and perhaps a fatal damage would be sus- 
 tained by the community, if entirely deprived 
 of the moral and political element which they 
 bring into the mass. As the social machinery 
 must come to a stand if all possessed so fixed 
 an individuality as to think and act without 
 regard to the general bias of opinion ; so 
 would it acquire too much momentum, if 
 none were distinguished by habits of feeling 
 springing from themselves. 
 
 " In schools, and especially in large schools, 
 the two lessons learned by boys sometimes 
 by two classes of tempers, and often by the 
 same individuals at different stages of their 
 course are the lesson of domination, and 
 the lesson of abject compliance with tyranny. 
 Even the degree in which, of late, public at- 
 tention has been directed towards the evils 
 wlience so much mischief has been proved 
 to arise, has not availed to alleviate them 
 more than to a very small amount ; nor can 
 it be doubted but that the habit of tyrannizing, 
 as well as the habit of yielding servile sub- 
 mission, notwithstanding the correction they 
 may receive on entering upon life, will, more 
 or less, continue to affect the dispositions of 
 men, and must in a real, if not in a very con- 
 spicuous manner, exert an influence over 
 the political temper and movements of the 
 community. 
 
 " But a very different class of feeling be- 
 longs to young persons educated at home, 
 and who, although perhaps they may not be 
 prompt to contend for the foremost positions 
 in society, are wholly unprepared to cringe 
 before arrogance and oppression. They have 
 moreover acquired in seclusion that decisive 
 individuality of temper which impels them 
 on all occasions to search for a reason satis- 
 factory to themselves, before they bow to the 
 dictates of those who have no right to their 
 submission. Moreover, the bosoms of young 
 persons who have been well trained around 
 the gentle influences of the domestic circle, 
 and have lived in the intimacy of intelligent 
 
 and ingenuous parents, and of other adults, 
 are likely to be fraught with profound and 
 delicate sentiments with the love of truth, 
 of justice, and of honor; and they are, there- 
 fore, equally disinclined either to exercise 
 despotism, or to yield to it Young men so 
 nurtured under the paternal roof, when, for 
 the first time, they encounter the rude wilful- 
 ness and the selfish violence of vulgar spirits 
 in the open world, may perhaps recoil, and 
 be tempted to leave the field in disgust ; but 
 they presently (if not naturally feeble-minded) 
 recover their self-possession, and place their 
 foot firmly in the path where what is just and 
 good is to be maintained against insolent 
 power. 
 
 " The substantial liberties of a community 
 involve much more than the bare protection 
 of persons and chattels ; for there is a liberty 
 of thought and of speech which may be cur- 
 tailed, or almost destroyed, in countries that 
 are the loudest in boasting their freedom. 
 There is a liberty, moral and intellectual 
 the true glory of a people which consists in, 
 and demands the unrestrained expansion of 
 all faculties, the exercise of all talents, and 
 the spontaneous expression of all diversities 
 of taste, and of all forms of individuality. 
 But this high liberty of mind, forfeited often 
 in the very struggle of nations to secure or 
 to extend political liberty, must assuredly be 
 favored by whatever cherishes distinctness 
 of character ; and it must as certainly be en- 
 dangered by whatever breaks down individ- 
 uality, and tends to impose uniformity upon 
 the whole. 
 
 " In this view, a systematic Home Educa- 
 tion may fairly claim no trivial importance, 
 as a means of sending forth among the school- 
 bred majority, those with whose habits of 
 mind there is mingled a firm and modest 
 sentiment of self-respect not cynical, but 
 yet unconquerable resting, as it will, upon 
 the steady basis of personal wisdom and 
 virtue. It is men of this stamp who will 
 be the true conservators of their country's 
 freedom."
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF BOYS. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 ON THE TRAIXEN'G OF BOYS. 
 
 IT is scarcely possible to look at the head- 
 ing of this chapter, without being struck with 
 the wide range of important considerations 
 which it necessarily embraces. The sphere 
 in which man has to act, is not more differ- 
 ent from that in which woman finds her ap- 
 pointed duties, than the constitution of the 
 mind of one is from that of the other. I say 
 nothing here about superiority in one, and 
 inferiority in the other; because I consider 
 that to be an idle question, since nothing can 
 be good, and consequently nothing can be 
 superior, except in proportion as it answers 
 the end for which it was created. There are 
 writers, however, and not a few, in the pres- 
 ent day, who maintain that both have equal 
 powers, and are fitted for the same field of 
 action. 
 
 Without endeavoring to combat an opinion 
 so opposed at once to nature and religion, to 
 philosophy and common sense, I would just 
 ask, whether women, who faithfully perform 
 their duties, have not at present enough to 
 do in their accustomed and familiar place 1 
 If mothers, wives, and mistresses of houses, 
 have already enough to do as women, the 
 inference is plain, that in proportion as they 
 assume the duties of men, the nobler sex 
 must be willing to take part in theirs, other- 
 wise there must be a loss of useful exertion 
 in that department where it cannot well be 
 spared. Wishing, therefore, to every man 
 who advocates the ability and fitness of wo- 
 men to take part with men on equal terms in 
 all public affairs, no worse wish, than that he 
 may have a wife a member of parliament, 
 and he himself obliged to stay at home and 
 darn stockings ; I will leave this subject with 
 a short but appropriate passage from Miss 
 Edgeworth, where, in speaking of temper, 
 the author alludes to the appropriate position 
 of woman, in her usually clear and forcible 
 style : 
 
 "A man in a furious passion is terrible to 
 his enemies, but a woman in a passion is 
 
 disgusting to her friends ; she loses the respect 
 due to her sex, and she has not masculine 
 strength and courage to enforce any other 
 species of respect These circumstances 
 should be considered by writers who advise 
 that no difference should be made in the 
 education of the two sexes. We cannot help 
 thinking that their happiness is of more con- 
 sequence than their speculative rights ; and 
 we wish to educate women so that they may 
 be happy in the situations in which they are 
 most likely to be placed." 
 
 I repeat, then, that to me nothing appears 
 more obvious, than that the Allwise Disposer 
 of human events has given to man a widely 
 different range of duty from that which is 
 appointed for woman ; and that in order to 
 fit him for his situation, he has been en- 
 dowed with peculiar capabilities of mind, 
 which it is the important business of the 
 mother to examine and consider, so as to 
 turn to the best account ; for it must ever be 
 borne in mind, by those who undertake the 
 training of youth, that they have not to create 
 materials for character, but to use such as 
 nature has placed in their hands to the best 
 purpose. 
 
 In the first place, why are boys so mis- 
 chievous, disorderly, and troublesome 1 Not, 
 certainly, as one might be sometimes almost 
 tempted to suppose, because they are created 
 for the purpose of trying other people's pa- 
 tience ; but because they have a superabun- 
 dance of mental and bodily energy, which 
 must find exercise in one way or another. 
 Nor would we wish to see them without this 
 energy. The mother who complains of her 
 boys, that they will neither be quiet them- 
 selves, nor allow other people to be so, who 
 is perpetually teasing them to sit still, and be 
 good boys, little thinks what she is about ; 
 for without this restless and energetic prin- 
 ciple in their nature, where would be the 
 man of enterprise, where would be the travel- 
 ler, the engineer, the statesman, or the phi- 
 losopher 1 for there is an earnest perseve- 
 rance, and an intensity of thought, which 
 requires as much energy to maintain, on the 
 part of the philosopher, as is required on that
 
 90 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 of the discoverer of a new island in a distant 
 region of the globe. 
 
 Nor must we forget that, especially in the 
 present day, there is enterprise required in 
 almost every undertaking to which the ener- 
 gies of man can be directed ; and he who in 
 his early years has done little but sit still to 
 be a good boy, would be likely, as our worldly 
 affairs are now conducted, to be left sitting 
 alone, after all his companions had marched 
 onward in pursuit of their different objects of 
 interest or importance. What is necessary 
 then to be done with boys, is to use up their 
 energies, so that nothing shall run to waste ; 
 so that there shall in fact be no overflow into 
 those streams of mischief and disorder, which 
 sometimes threaten to overwhelm and destroy 
 the peace of a whole household. 
 
 The mother's care and ingenuity, however, 
 are much needed here. It is not dry lessons 
 and mere learning, though these are good so 
 far as they go, which constitute the sum total 
 of what is required. These very properly 
 occupy the time and the attention, but they 
 do not satisfy that restless craving for ex- 
 citement, nor employ that internal stimulus, 
 which are perpetually urging a boy to build 
 up or break down, to help or to hinder, and 
 to please or to vex, as circumstances and the 
 humor of the moment may direct But why, 
 with all this impetuous desire for action, 
 should not boys be made useful in a family ? 
 For my own part, I never could imagine why 
 little girls were to fetch and carry, and to do 
 all the other business of domestic usefulness 
 necessary to fireside comfort, while boys sat 
 still, and fancied themselves into lords of the 
 creation ; and I am now convinced it is more 
 the fault of early training, than of any natural 
 peculiarity of their own characters, where the 
 brothers in a family are selfish and unac- 
 commodating towards their sisters. I am 
 convinced that where boys are so rationally 
 taught as not to regard it as a degradation, 
 there are many occupations in a household 
 by which they may occasionally be made 
 happy and useful at the same time ; and as 
 no man ever was the worse for knowing how 
 to use his hands, there would by this mode 
 
 of training be many a traveller sent forth, 
 many an emigrant, and many a missionary, 
 better qualified than they now are to cope 
 with the difficulties of life, and relieved of 
 much of the annoyance and distress which 
 the usages of different countries are apt at 
 first to occasion. 
 
 But the influence of a mother with regard 
 to the training of boys is so much more im- 
 portant in a moral and religious point of view 
 than in any other, that I shall confine my ob- 
 servations chiefly to those cases in which a 
 boy is likely to be made better, rather than 
 to those in which he may be made wiser, by 
 his mother. And this, I need hardly repeat, 
 is not to be done by making him sit still. No ; 
 there is a great deal more than this to be 
 done, before the mother and her son can pass 
 along the journey of life, a mutual support 
 and comfort to each other ; but let the mother 
 do her part with judgment, feeling, and right 
 principle, and she may effectually establish 
 between herself and her son, a relationship 
 of sentiment as well as kindred a relation- 
 ship which has nothing in this world to com- 
 pare with it, for the tenderness of its associa- 
 tions, the intensity of its interests, and the 
 sacred influence it is calculated to exercise. 
 
 Whether we contemplate the character of 
 a beloved and honored mother, checking by 
 soft yet patient words the wild sports of boy- 
 hood, and winning by her gentleness, where 
 it would be impossible to control by mere 
 authority ; or whether we look at the aged 
 matron bending on her journey towards the 
 grave, bereft perhaps of every other earthly 
 stay, except the faithful arm of her devoted 
 son ; when we see that to him, all full of life 
 and hope and animation as he is, her vener- 
 able form is still lovely, simply because it is 
 his mother's ; that her voice is still sweet, 
 because it is the same which spoke to him 
 in childhood, calling him back from danger, 
 and luring him into paths of safety when his 
 boyish waywardness might have made ship- 
 wreck of his pe^ce ; and when we know that 
 her influence is still the same nay, more, 
 because, though trembling, feeble, and de- 
 pendent, as regards the things of time, she
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF BOYS. 
 
 91 
 
 is already on the borders of that eternity for 
 which it has been the study of her life to pre- 
 pare herself and him when we see all this 
 so beautifully illustrated, as it is sometimes 
 in the intercourse of the mother and her son, 
 it is with no common feeling that we breathe 
 the wish, with regard to mothers in general, 
 that they should so estimate and use their 
 capabilities, as to bind themselves by a union 
 so sacred to the interests and affections of 
 their sons. 
 
 And after all, boys are not so difficult to 
 deal with as some persons are apt to suppose, 
 provided only a mother is willing to make the 
 necessary sacrifice. Indeed it is a generally 
 acknowledged fact, that where judiciously 
 treated, they are more manageable under fe- 
 male influence, than under any other. In the 
 first place, then, let it be remembered, that 
 boys must be humored to a certain extent. 
 Both boys and men require this, and they 
 have a right to expect it from women. Some 
 parents appear to think that by the exercise 
 of direct authority, they can prevent their 
 sons seeking unsuitable amusements, and as- 
 sociates not to be approved ; but I have no 
 hesitation in saying, that this method of man- 
 aging boys never did answer the purpose 
 fully, and never will. No; that restless ac- 
 tivity, which is a part of their nature, and 
 which if rightly directed is one of the most 
 valuable characteristics they possess, must 
 find exercise somewhere ; and unless pro- 
 vided with a lawful and sufficient substitute, 
 will recur, perhaps in secret, to the enjoy- 
 ment of forbidden things. Unless, therefore, 
 a boy is to some extent humored, or amused, 
 and made happy in the parlor with his pa- 
 rents, he will be in danger of seeking the ex- 
 citement and interest which his natural tem- 
 perament demands, in the kitchen or the 
 stable, if not entirely away from home. 
 
 Boys also, are in reality more social, than 
 is sometimes supposed. They are said to do 
 very well if turned out of the room, elbowed 
 off, or made to play by themselves; but it is 
 only because they cannot do better ; for no 
 one is more pleased or more thankful than 
 an amiable boy, when any kind interest is 
 
 taken in his occupations and pursuits. No 
 one is more pleased either, when the female 
 part of the family can be induced to join in 
 these ; and the promise of a mother or a sis- 
 ter to let themselves be rowed round an 
 island, or driven in a pony-chase, is often 
 long remembered by a boy, and prepared for 
 with a kind of natural politeness, which is 
 almost irresistible to the heart of woman, be- 
 cause, unlike much of the politeness of the 
 world, it is at once both flattering and sincere. 
 
 It is only by the sacrifice of a little time, 
 and occasionally, it must be confessed, a little 
 patience, that a mother can gain upon her 
 sons in the manner I would so earnestly 
 recommend ; and if the love of a mother is 
 not sufficient to help her through the little 
 difficulties that may arise, she has an abun- 
 dant reward in the feeling, that by associa- 
 ting herself with boys in their pleasures and 
 amusements, by even studying to amuse and 
 interest them herself, she is not only culti- 
 vating a more intimate acquaintance with 
 their real characters, than could be obtained 
 in any other way ; but is in reality rendering 
 herself an object of interest of delight nay, 
 almost of beauty to them; since whatever 
 charms and endears, becomes beautiful to 
 the eye of affection. 
 
 I repeat, for it cannot be too much im- 
 pressed upon the minds of women, that both 
 men and boys must be humored. A mother 
 begins the training of her boys with the un- 
 paralleled advantage of natural affection ; 
 but beyond this, and as soon as it gives place 
 to thoughts of a more mature and calcula- 
 ting nature, she must begin to charm she 
 must be absolutely delightful in the opinion 
 of her sons, in order to possess unbounded 
 influence over them. This, however, we 
 must be sure to bear in mind, is not to be ob- 
 tained by unbounded indulgence ; and here 
 lies the great secret of managing boys ; for 
 there must be, on the part of the mother, an 
 exercise of the most strict and unyielding au- 
 thority with regard to all household rules, 
 and indeed with regard to all things of im- 
 portance, combined with a certain kind of 
 playfulness, vivacity, and tact, in order, as I
 
 92 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 have already said, to charm, as well as to in- 
 fluence. 
 
 Again ; boys are excessively fond of what 
 certain wise people would call nonsense : but 
 what is called nonsense, is not always folly ; 
 and there is often much development of 
 character, and much eliciting of good taste 
 and right feeling, in the playful familiarity of 
 a family united in all its members. At all 
 events, the boys, whose ambition it is to share 
 their laughter and their frolic with their mo- 
 ther, will establish for themselves, if she be a 
 right-minded woman, a rule of safety, for 
 which she ought indeed to be most thankful ; 
 for the young man who can be trusted in his 
 mirth, neither to go too far, nor choose for it 
 a wrong object, and who is in no danger of 
 being betrayed by excitement into the indul- 
 gence of any wrong feeling, may indeed be 
 said to have reaped no trifling advantage 
 from the society of his mother. 
 
 Whether young or old, there is something 
 in the nature of man, which is, to a certain 
 extent, repelled by his own sex, and which 
 requires association with the gentler nature 
 of woman. Noisy and boisterous as boys 
 may be, they are not always happy, and not 
 always sufficient of themselves for their own 
 enjoyment They have their difficulties, 
 their trials, and their moments of depression ; 
 and to whom are they then to go but to their 
 mother ? Yet how, if she has never shared 
 their pleasures, is she to be the confidant of 
 their sorrows 1 No ; it is not a little time 
 wasted, as she might call it, a little sewing 
 laid aside, a little housekeeping neglected, nor 
 (.veil a party given up, that can, by a right- 
 minded woman, be considered a sacrifice too 
 great to make, in order to obtain the entire 
 and unbounded confidence of her children ; 
 and deep and rich is her reward, if, by such 
 sacrifices, she can arrive at the blessed cer- 
 tainty that they will conceal nothing from her 
 -^not even the confession of their guilt, when 
 they have done wrong. Though all the 
 world should blame them, and though she 
 herself should blame them more than all the 
 world, there ought to be a feeling in the mind 
 of a son towards his mother, that with her 
 
 severest rebuke, will be blended a sympathy 
 more intense than he could find elsewhere. 
 
 In those minute and familiar observations 
 which from time to time all persons make 
 upon social and domestic life, one thing has 
 struck me very forcibly, and that is, that in 
 the training of children, we all endeavor too 
 much to put in practice the corrective pro- 
 cess, and think too little of the preventive. 
 Many mothers who are most exemplary in 
 the treatment of their children after they 
 have done wrong, spend comparatively little 
 thought upon how to induce them to do 
 right To preoccupy the mind with good, 
 and to form the character of children upon 
 right principles, I believe to be the holiest 
 duty of a mother, at the same time that it is 
 the happiest ; for though there may often be 
 sweet seasons of endearment after the young 
 heart has been thrown open by convictions 
 of guilt, and softened by penitence, the less 
 frequently such seasons have to occur, the 
 better it is for all parties. 
 
 I mention this view of the subject particu- 
 larly here, because it is more especially with 
 boys, that mothers appear to disregard this 
 early and sacred duty ; and when they find 
 they have no influence over them, .or think 
 the whole affair of management too trouble- 
 some to undertake, they come in time to re- 
 gard their boys as wholly intractable, and 
 thus give them up, until sent to school, where 
 they hope that, by paying for their education, 
 all will be set right 
 
 It should be remembered too by mothers, 
 that many of their good qualities are not ob- 
 vious to boys, at the same time that they are 
 keenly alive in their perceptions of others. 
 Among the former class may be reckoned 
 those practical household virtues, of which 
 in after life, and when householders them- 
 selves, they form so high a value ; but which, 
 while children, they generally esteem no 
 more than they do the accomplishments of 
 nurses, cooks, and washerwomen. Thus, 
 for a mother to be busy with her domestic 
 affairs, goes no way with a boy in engaging 
 his respect, not even to be busy with them 
 to good purpose ; because he is necessarily
 
 ON THE TRAINING OP BOYS. 
 
 93 
 
 incapable of understanding how much good 
 management, and general good sense, are 
 required, to conduct them properly. The 
 most industrious and laborious mothers are, 
 consequently, in their capacity of housekeep- 
 ers, but little esteemed for this part of their 
 characters by boys ; while on the other hand, 
 a woman who acquits herself well in com- 
 pany, who never asks a silly question, nor 
 gives a foolish answer, and whose general 
 abilities and standing in society are such as 
 to enable her to take part in intellectual con- 
 versation, and especially if she inspires the 
 respectful attention of influential and clever 
 men, so as to be addressed by them at table, 
 her opinion asked on matters of moment, 
 and, what is more, attended to when given"; 
 all tliis is quickly perceived, and keenly ap- 
 preciated by an affectionate boy, who is but 
 too happy to have an opportunity of feeling 
 proud of his mother. 
 
 I need hardly say that, on the other hand, 
 however tender and conciliating the conduct 
 of a mother may be towards her children, if, 
 on public occasions, her sons discover that 
 she has neither the knowledge nor the tact 
 to acquit herself like a woman of sense, the 
 star of her ascendency will most probably 
 go down, never again to rise to them. It is 
 woman alone, who, having once loved, can 
 still love on, when she has ceased to admire, 
 and when in reality it is painful and humil- 
 iating to love. Man is in a great measure 
 incapable of doing this ; and when a boy has 
 frequently had to blush and feel ashamed for 
 his mother, his affection may be considered 
 as held by a very slender thread. 
 
 Seeing all this so frequently exhibited as 
 we do, in the familiar aspect of our social 
 and domestic affairs, it becomes a matter of 
 astonishment and regret, that mothers should 
 allow themselves to sink into such apparent 
 indifference about their intellectual influence 
 over their children, and especially their sons 
 that they should allow themselves to settle 
 down into mere household machines, or the 
 automatons of an occasional party, when the 
 temporal and eternal interests of their sons 
 may perhaps be hanging upon the respect 
 
 which they inspire in their opening and sus- 
 ceptible minds. 
 
 I am aware that many kind-hearted and 
 worthy women, who throw the whole amount 
 of their energies into the means of making 
 their sons and husbands comfortable as re- 
 gards the body, conscientiously believe they 
 are discharging a duty of paramount import- 
 ance; and certainly there is no duty, except 
 such as are of a strictly religious character, 
 upon the right discharge of which so many 
 others are dependent, for without attention 
 to the substantial and bodily comforts of a 
 family, I imagine there would be little good 
 to be expected from intellectual influence. 
 But then we should remember that this duty 
 is only one among a- many ; or rather, only 
 a foundation upon which the superstructure 
 of intellectual influence must rest ; and as 
 wisely might we place the solid base of a 
 building at the top, and the light and orna- 
 mental architecture beneath ; or expose the 
 machinery of a clock to view, and conceal 
 the index plate, as reverse the true order of 
 social economy, so as to make our domestic 
 affairs the most prominent, and neglect those 
 more important matters which belong to the 
 cultivation and right exercise of the immortal 
 mind. 
 
 Would that it could be impressed upon 
 the understanding of every woman, that 
 there is no beauty, and there can be no right 
 order, in that establishment, where the 
 domestic machine does not move quietly, 
 and in a manner unseen. It is true there is 
 no comfort when it stops, or is allowed to fall 
 out of order ; but there may be almost as 
 much annoyance where it is always exposed 
 to view, in order that the world may see how 
 admirably it is regulated. 
 
 There are many women extremely anxious 
 to have a good dinner placed before their 
 sons and husbands on their returning home, 
 and very properly so ; but why are they not 
 equally anxious to set before them an intel- 
 lectual refreshment ! The answer is an ob- 
 vious one that they would not relish it so well. 
 Yet again I would ask, may not this be because 
 it is not dressed and arranged with half the sk ill
 
 94 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 and care bestowed upon a favorite dish ? I 
 appeal not to those who are deficient in educa- 
 tion, and certainly not to those who are defi- 
 cient in natural talent They must do the 
 best they can, and endeavor to please in 
 some other way ; but I do appeal to intel- 
 lectual and cultivated women, when I im- 
 plore them to spend a little more time, a lit- 
 tle more thought, and a little more pains, in 
 studying how to be intellectually agreeable in 
 their own families, in order that they may 
 exercise a lasting and beneficial influence 
 over their eons ; for without this, I am con- 
 vinced, although they may be loved as mo- 
 thers, they never will be esteemed as friends, 
 and still less looked up to as counsellors, 
 whose advice may be appealed to in every 
 season of difficulty or trial. 
 
 Nor let the mother confine her views ex- 
 clusively to her own influence, while en- 
 deavoring to inspire her sons with a respect 
 for herself Having learned at the same time 
 tenderly to love, and profoundly to revere, 
 the character of his mother, a young man 
 will go forth into the world with a higher 
 respect for women in general. Where he 
 does not intimately know the individuals 
 with whom he associates, he will often ima- 
 gine that he sees the virtues of his mother 
 reflected; and in all his intercourse with 
 society, there will be blended a delicacy of 
 feeling towards the female sex, a regard for 
 their good opinion, a pleasure in the compan- 
 ionship of the most intelligent and amiable, 
 which next to religion itself, is ever found 
 the surest safeguard for the protection of a 
 young man in his association with the world. 
 
 There is no single omen of future life at 
 once so repulsive, and so alarming, as to 
 hear young men speak as they sometimes 
 do, thinking it spirited and clever, in coarse, 
 vulgar, and disparaging terms of women in 
 general. One cannot help fearing where 
 this is the case, that some want of judgment 
 or want of care must be chargeable upon the 
 mother ; and one cannot help turning in idea 
 to those who are but just entering upon their 
 maternal duties, with a fervent hope that 
 they may be more solicitous on this important 
 
 point, and that nothing may be wanting on 
 their part to inspire a more reverential, and 
 at the same time a more beneficial feeling. 
 
 Under the agreeable supposition that a 
 mother has done all in her power to ensure 
 unbounded influence over her sons, we will 
 now inquire in what particular manner this 
 influence is required to operate, so as to cor- 
 rect some of the objectionable tendencies of 
 character in men in general. Perhaps the 
 greatest temptation to which boys are subject, 
 is to use their strength in an unfair or un- 
 generous manner, in short, to use it so as to 
 take advantage of comparative weakness. 
 The conviction that they have power, when 
 accompanied with a sense of mastery, is un- 
 speakably agreeable both to men and boys. 
 We see this in all the sports of youth, as well 
 as in many of the occupations to which men 
 are by choice addicted. Even in that of fell- 
 ing trees, and chopping wood, it is surprising 
 the satisfaction they feel in wielding the axe, 
 overcoming resistance, and mastering with 
 wedge and hammer the stubborn nature of 
 the unshapely block. It is the same with 
 almost every thing they undertake either in 
 the way of business or amusement ; and in 
 the more elaborate affairs of life, to have 
 gained a difficult point, whatever it may be, 
 or however unproductive of personal advan- 
 tage, seems to carry a reward along with it, 
 to the individual who succeeds, especially 
 where others have failed. 
 
 With such a propensity inherent in his 
 nature, it is evident that what is most wanted, 
 is a strong sense of justice, stronger than can 
 be taught in schools, where might is too fre- 
 quently the only acknowledged right. But 
 beyond mere justice, there is one considera- 
 tion closely connected with this subject, which 
 claims the mother's most earnest attention, 
 and which, if properly impressed upon the 
 mind of youth, would help very much to 
 bring about a new and better order of things 
 among the affairs of mankind. It is simply 
 this and I am fully aware that it will not at 
 first sight appear so important as I have been 
 led to consider it upon mature consideration 
 that a generous and noble nature will never
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF BOYS. 
 
 95 
 
 find pleasure in that amusement, which ex- 
 cites laughter in one of the parties concerned, 
 and pain or suffering in the other. 
 
 It may seem but a trifle that a boy should 
 abuse the poor ass by the wayside simply 
 because he can, and dare do so. It may seem 
 but a trifle that he should tease his own dogs, 
 and flog his own pony, because he has the 
 power to do so. It may seem but a trifle 
 that he should torment and ill-treat his sisters, 
 because they have not the strength to defend 
 themselves : but when we think to what all 
 this may grow, it ought to be regarded as one 
 of the surest symptoms of a mean, ungen- 
 erous, and tyrannical disposition, which a 
 youth can exhibit ; and when we trace it all 
 back to the manner in which he was taught 
 in early childhood, to find his amusement 
 chiefly in those sports which occasioned suf- 
 fering or death, and over which he was 
 allowed to laugh and exult as much as he 
 liked, we cannot wonder that his character 
 should ultimately prove the very reverse of 
 all that is noble or excellent 
 
 In all such cases, I am aware it is to the 
 mother alone that we can appeal ; for men, 
 with some few admirable exceptions, are not 
 quick-sighted or particularly scrupulous on 
 these points. But the mother surely can 
 prevent the poor dog at the fireside having 
 its nose and eyes filled with snuff, its tail 
 pinched, and its feet trod upon, to make sport 
 for the young tyrants of the nursery. The 
 mother surely can prevent this, not always 
 by direct authority, for that would make 
 some boys prolong the amusement, for the 
 purpose of showing their power in a twofold 
 manner ; and not by entreaty either, for that 
 might possibly excite a laugh almost as exult- 
 ing as that which is awakened by the suffer- 
 ings of the tortured animal. From scenes 
 like this, it is too often the fate of woman to 
 turn away distressed, but altogether power- 
 less. But let her not despair, for if ever the 
 preventive system is wanted to operate with 
 all its efficacy, it is here ; for let the mind of 
 a boy be preoccupied with a strong impres- 
 sion of the absolute meanness of making 
 sport for himself, out of that which is misery 
 
 to another, and he will be preserved from 
 much of the cruelty so frequently practised 
 upon animals, and much of what is practised 
 by the strong towards the weak of his own 
 species as well. 
 
 I do not say that boys should be sent forth 
 into the world, suffering every moment from 
 that morbid sensibility, which is sufficiently 
 objectionable in girls. No one can admire, 
 more than I do, the manliness which meets 
 every difficulty with unabated energy, and 
 the bravery which, when called into action in 
 a good cause, can look at every danger with- 
 out flinching ; and wherever pain has to be 
 inflicted as a necessary evil, no one can ad- 
 mire more than I do the moral courage 
 which can overcome the natural shrinking of 
 a generous and feeling nature, because it is 
 an act of duty or necessity that suffering 
 must be imposed ; but to delight in giving 
 pain, to exult in it, to make the inflicting and 
 witnessing of pain a favorite sport this is 
 entirely a different matter ; and this it is, 
 against which I would so earnestly warn the 
 mother to guard her child by that strong 
 principle to which allusion has been made. 
 
 It may be said that I am not aware to 
 what this principle would lead, if thoroughly 
 carried out; how it would destroy the 
 amusement of field-sports, and many other 
 of those gentlemanly occupations, the sole 
 pleasure of which consists in taking advan- 
 tage of the weaker party, so as to occasion 
 either suffering or death. Yet without mak- 
 ing it any part of my business to interfere 
 with the game laws, and without wishing in 
 any way to encroach upon the rights and the 
 privileges of country gentlemen, I still main- 
 tain that it is inconsistent with a noble and a 
 truly generous nature, to find sport in what 
 occasions unnecessary suffering to any living 
 creature, however weak, or however insig- 
 nificant ; and I still believe that this principlt 
 carried out through all the intercourse of so- 
 cial and domestic life, would do more to re- 
 fine and elevate the character of man, thai, 
 any other that we could propose for hi? con- 
 sideration. 
 
 Nor is it upon the animal creation alone.
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 that this principle would operate so benefi- 
 cially. The opposite and most frequent one, 
 of the strong taking advantage of the weak, 
 and exulting in the suffering inflicted, and 
 the mastery obtained, may begin with the 
 little boy in the nursery, when he snatches 
 up his sister's kitten, and throws it into the 
 nearest pond ; but unfortunately it does not 
 end there, nor possibly until the feelings of 
 woman the tenderest and deepest she is ca- 
 pable of experiencing have been made the 
 sport of an idle hour, and in their turn have 
 awakened the merriment which none but the 
 meanest and most cruel of human beings can 
 be supposed to enjoy. 
 
 But why should we dwell so long upon 
 this melancholy page of human life a page 
 whereon is transcribed some of the darkest 
 and saddest records which the history of hu- 
 man affairs presents, when a kind Providence 
 has placed it especially within the range of 
 influence which a judicious mother exercises 
 over her sons, in a great measure to avert 
 this evil, by laying the firm foundation of 
 an early and earnest love of the opposite 
 good ; and in attempting to do this, it is a 
 most encouraging fact, that some of the very 
 same materials of moral character are brought 
 into exercise in both cases. A love of pow- 
 er, for instance, and a sense of mastery 
 why should not these very principles in the 
 nature of a boy, be so directed as to find an 
 appropriate and delightful use in the feeling 
 that he is the natural protector of his sisters ; 
 and that as he gains strength, and advances 
 in influence and importance, it will be one of 
 his noblest prerogatives as a man, to protect 
 the weak in general from the oppression and 
 cruelty of the strong. We see here then, 
 that in the beautiful order of Providence, 
 there is no need to extinguish nature ; arid 
 that the mother has consequently not so dif- 
 ficult a task before her, as she might at first 
 have been led to suppose. 
 
 Boys have either naturally a strong ten- 
 dency to admire justice in the abstract, or 
 they are so accustomed to appeal to justice 
 in defence of their invaded rights, that they 
 learn at a very early age to value it accord- 
 
 ingly. It is in fact the only appeal which a 
 man regards it as consistent with his dignity 
 to make; for where a girl would ask for 
 mercy, a boy, as if instinctively, demands 
 justice, and nothing more. It is the part of 
 the mother thon to keep this idea most sa- 
 cred and inviolate in the mind of her son, 
 never to allow it to be mixed up with that of 
 expediency, and never to make use of it in 
 reference to what is endured or received, 
 without being equally, or even more scrupu- 
 lous, in applying it to what is done or granted. 
 There must be no firing up with indignation 
 because the rights of her son are invaded, 
 and looking quietly on when he invades the 
 rights of another. No ; her duty extends far 
 beyond this, for she must teach him that it is 
 infinitely better to suffer wrong, than to in- 
 flict it; and that no insult endured can so 
 effectually degrade the character of a man, 
 as to be the individual by whom it is offered. 
 I have thus far touched only upon a few 
 of those points so necessary for the mother 
 to attend to in the early training of her boys, 
 but there comes a time when, if possible, it 
 is more important still that a young man 
 should look to his mother as his best and 
 nearest friend ; I mean when he is first en- 
 tering upon what is called life, and upon the 
 occupations of man. From some peculiarity 
 in the nature of man, there appears to be 
 frequent difficulties arising betwixt fathers 
 and sons about this period of life, especially 
 if closely associated as members of the same 
 household. One would think, on first look- 
 ing at the subject, that nothing could be so 
 desirable as for a young man to re.main for a 
 long time under the roof of his father ; yet 
 in comparatively few instances, is this plan 
 productive of the good desired. Under cir- 
 cumstances of this kind, perhaps more than 
 all others, the mother's care as well as her 
 influence are needed, because no other per- 
 son can with propriety interfere, and none in 
 fact can have a right to the same degree of 
 intimacy with both parties. But, oh ! what 
 judgment, what self-command, what nicety 
 of distinction, what prudence, and what 
 prayer, are needed here ! It wou'd seem
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF BOYS. 
 
 97 
 
 that little less than supernatural wisdom, and 
 angelic love, could enable a mother and a 
 wife to tread so intricate a path without lean- 
 ing too much to one side or the other. 
 
 Impelled by that intense and fervent love 
 which a mother's heart alone can feel ac- 
 customed to look with firmness and constan- 
 cy to the simple question of what is right 
 and, above all, supported by faith and prayer, 
 a mother, even in the trying situation just al- 
 luded to, will see clearly that justice must be 
 done to her sons ; that the whole of their fu- 
 ture interests, both temporal and eternal, may 
 possibly depend upon the exercise of pru- 
 dence, in first placing them upon their 
 own foundation ; and that an amount of 
 wretchedness, beyond calculation, may be 
 her portion and theirs, if they are not en- 
 couraged and helped forward in their tempo- 
 ral affairs. 
 
 With these views and feelings, the mother 
 will be solicitous that an early and equitable 
 arrangement should be made with regard to 
 the choice of a profession, or a business, for 
 her sons. And here I cannot but observe 
 with regret, that almost all writers on the 
 subject of education, address themselves ex- 
 clusively to ladies and gentlemen. We have 
 already admirable hints on " the choice of a 
 profession," but I should like to find some 
 author bold enough to write about the choice 
 and conduct of a trade; for it is to the up- 
 rightness and general intelligence of persons 
 occupied in trade, as well as devoted to pro- 
 fessions, that we ought to look for the true 
 dignity of our country ; and I believe the 
 able and conscientious writer, who should 
 employ his talents in the exposure and cor- 
 rection of abuses in this department, and to 
 the establishment of a new system of moral 
 laws, by which business in general should be 
 conducted upon higher and purer principles 
 than it is at present, would do more for the 
 true interests of his country, than if he added 
 a new continent to her territory, or even pur- 
 chased for her the empire of the whole world. 
 One is apt sometimes to suppose, on look- 
 ing at the affairs of this world, that men, es- 
 pecially, have two sets of consciences, two 
 
 kinds of moral laws, and two varieties of re- 
 ligious faith. That they have one conscience 
 for the sanctuary, and another for the desk 
 and the counter, is but too evident ; for many, 
 whose sincerity in the hour of worship is not 
 to be doubted, go back to the busy scene of 
 their weekly avocations, to practise just be- 
 cause other people do the same what the 
 conscience of the sanctuary would severely 
 condemn. They do this by habit, and in 
 consequence of their having been trained to 
 it by respectable masters, during the time 
 they were clerks or apprentices ; they do not 
 see that it can be very wrong, or, at all events, 
 they know that in such practices they are no 
 worse than their neighbors ; and if at times 
 the conscience of the sanctuary does visit the 
 office, the warehouse, or the shop, it is only 
 to make them wish, for the moment, that 
 other men of business would agree to give 
 up such practices, and thus make the effort 
 easier and less disadvantageous to them. 
 
 After a man is thoroughly embarked in 
 business, conducted upon the customary 
 plan, it would be difficult indeed, perhaps ru- 
 inous to his worldly affairs, for him. to make 
 a stand against the generally acknowledged 
 requirements of self-interest. Yet there are 
 not wanting nobie and extraordinary in- 
 stances of Christian men, who have made 
 this sacrifice for the sake of serving more 
 faithfully a heavenly, than an earthly, Master ; 
 and others again, who, content with a decent 
 competency, have retired from a scene of 
 contention, in which principle, when opposed 
 to worldly aggrandizement, so seldom gains 
 an entire victory. 
 
 It must not be supposed, however, that I 
 am presuming to assail the general integrity 
 of men of business. Far from it ; for I be- 
 lieve in this respect our country, to say the 
 least of it, would hold an honored place in a 
 general comparison of the moral dignity of 
 different nations ; but I refer particularly to 
 those allowed practices among persons en- 
 gaged in trade, which would not bear to be 
 tested by the moral standard of the gospel ; 
 and to that conformity with the customs of 
 the world, which is too seldom brought un-
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 der the cognizance of the conscience of the 
 sanctuary. 
 
 Now, in proportion as it is difficult for the 
 traveller who has long pursued a dubious 
 course, entangled himself with associations, 
 and even learned to adapt himself to the cir- 
 cumstances around him in proportion as it 
 is difficult for him to return, and begin his 
 course afresh, it is important that other trav- 
 ellers should be warned by his situation to 
 set out aright ; and in proportion as it is dif- 
 ficult for the man of business, thoroughly 
 embarked on the ocean of worldly success, 
 contending with its different currents, and 
 adjusting himself and his affairs to the winds 
 and the tides he meets with there in pro- 
 portion as it is difficult for such a man to re- 
 turn, and sail again upon a different course, 
 with new rigging, fresh ballast, and a pilot to 
 whose direction he has not been accustom- 
 ed there devolves upon the mothers of 
 England the important and the sacred duty 
 of endeavoring to fit out their sons for a 
 course of action, even if it be in the humblest 
 affairs of business, or the lowest occupations 
 of trade, by which they may exemplify the 
 great principles of justice, integrity, and truth, 
 and thus glorify their Father who is in heav- 
 en, while engaged in the common and famil- 
 iar avccations of earth. 
 
 If religion be indeed the one thing needful, 
 and if in the opinion of his parents it bears 
 no comparison in importance with any other, 
 let no young man be sent out to learn a trade 
 or a profession under an irreligious master. 
 It may be said that he goes to such a master 
 to learn his business only ; but does he learn 
 that, and nothing else ? or does not the mere 
 fact of his parents having selected such a 
 master, give a sanction to him in associating 
 with such characters when he meets with 
 them in society, as well as in business 1 If 
 the two subjects admit of a comparison, or if 
 a parent prefers that his son should be made 
 a good engineer, letting his religious interests 
 occupy but a secondary consideration ; rather 
 than that he should be a religious man, at the 
 risk of being an inferior engineer, then, indeed, 
 it is a waste of words to dwell upon this 
 
 point But even if men are blinded by world- 
 ly interest here, as in so many instances it is 
 evident they are, surely pious Christian mo- 
 thers ought the more to regard it as their es- 
 pecial duty, to make a stand against this fa- 
 tal and too generally prevailing error. Surely 
 the mother has a right to see that so great 
 an act of mercy, as well as justice, is done to 
 her son. Surely she has a right to see that 
 his eternal interests are not lost sight of in 
 those which belong merely to his success in 
 this world, which are at best but uncertain 
 and transitory, and which bear no relation 
 whatever to the account which both parent 
 and child will have to crhe at the bar of judg- 
 ment, where the doom of eternal happiness 
 or misery will be finally decided. 
 
 But there is a justice which relates to this 
 world, as well as one which belongs only to 
 the world to come, and this demands the 
 mother's watchfulness and care, to see that 
 her son is preserved as much as possible 
 from what will injure or degrade him as a 
 man. Long-continued dependence upon his 
 father, want of occupation, or occupation re- 
 pugnant to his natural feelings, may do this ; 
 and the mother will reap the advantage, as 
 regards him, of having impressed upon the 
 mind of her husband, if he did not feel it be- 
 fore, that a father has no more right to with- 
 hold from his sons a just and reasonable set- 
 tlement in life, than he has to deny them, 
 while boys, a place at his own table. It is 
 possible that the father's own affairs may not 
 always afford him the means of establishing 
 his sons with such advantage as they might 
 at one time have expected ; but so far as it 
 can be done, it is a sacred duty on the part 
 of parents, worth almost any sacrifice to per- 
 form, and which nothing short of absolute 
 inability to pay their own debts can justify 
 them in neglecting. 
 
 I mention these subjects more particularly, 
 because fathers are not always aware of the 
 effect of their conduct towards their sons. 
 They forget, in the more absorbing interests 
 of public or private business, what were their 
 own feelings when young, and they seldom 
 take into account the lowering of the moral
 
 ON THE TRAINING OP BOYS. 
 
 99 
 
 character which must ensue, from their sons 
 not being able to assume the position of men 
 at the time of life, when the laws of nature 
 and of reason require that they should in a 
 great measure be masters of their own ac- 
 tions. Neither do they reflect and calculate 
 as women do upon the moral tendency of 
 things in general, or they would see more 
 clearly that nothing can be more injurious to 
 the character of a young man, or more en- 
 danger his safety, than for him to be morally 
 degraded, to lose his self-respect, and to feel 
 that he has not the common place and foot- 
 ing of a man, in society ; as he inevitably 
 must, by being denied the privileges of a free 
 agent, and the interest which it is necessary 
 for him to enjoy, in order to enter with spirit 
 and energy into the occupations of a rational 
 being. 
 
 To imagine a father neglecting this great 
 doty towards his sons, is to look at a picture 
 too melancholy for contemplation a picture 
 representing a sort of household slavery, in 
 which the sons are bondmen to their father ; 
 and it is from such abuses of parental power, 
 wherever they may exist, that we call upon 
 the mothers of the rising generation to rescue 
 their children ; in the first place, by endeav- 
 oring to inculcate higher views of moral re- 
 sponsibility in general ; and in the next, by 
 exercising their moral courage in so regula- 
 jting their domestic economy, that the masters 
 of families shall not have to say, they cannot 
 afford to provide for the settlement of their 
 sons. 
 
 In pursuing our examination of that most 
 sacred and interesting relationship which sub- 
 sists between a mother and her sons, the sub- 
 ject assumes so many aspects of importance, 
 that it is difficult to confine it within moder- 
 ate limits. I will, however, endeavor to draw 
 the chapter to a close, by alluding again to 
 that corrective process, which, however care- 
 ful parental training may have been, will oc- 
 casionally, there is too much room to fear, 
 have to be put in practice by the mother ; 
 and here she is of all human beings the fit- 
 test to be at once the confidant, and the re- 
 prover, of her erring sons. She is the fittest, 
 
 because from her maternal love she is the 
 most disposed to look charitably upon their 
 actions, and to speak kindly even of their 
 faults ; and because she must feel more in- 
 tensely than any other human being can, the 
 importance of the future being marked by a 
 happier experience than the past. 
 
 In one respect, however, the best of women 
 are apt to defeat their own ends when ap- 
 pealing to young men on the subject of their 
 misconduct From knowing but little of the 
 world, and almost nothing of the temptations 
 to which young men are exposed, they often 
 speak of vice only as it appears to them, 
 without taking into account the various and 
 attractive methods adopted by agents of evil 
 for rendering it at first sight attractive and 
 imposing. They speak of it sometimes as 
 odious and disgusting, when it has perhaps 
 been dressed up so as to appear both lovely 
 and refined, to its victims. They speak of it 
 as hateful, when it has been listened to, ut- 
 tering in syren tones the language of flattery 
 and love. They speak of it as low, when it 
 has been decked in purple, or has worn a 
 coronet upon its brow ; and they speak most 
 justly of its being abhorrent, simply because 
 it is evil, when possibly those to whom they 
 address themselves have just learned to be- 
 lieve it is only women, and ill-bred or weak- 
 spirited persons, who think it so. There is a 
 vast machinery of allurement put in opera- 
 tion by the world, which ought to be taken 
 into account, when we speak to young men 
 of the real nature of vice ; and it is not until 
 they have proved the falsehood of its prom- 
 ises, and the worse than hollowness of its 
 pretensions, that they can always be made to 
 see the nature of vice as it really is. 
 
 I have sometimes thought, in addressing 
 persons on this subject, and young men in 
 particular, that enough is not said of the 
 cruelty of vice. It is true that according to 
 the method of reasoning already alluded to, 
 it may have appeared to them in the charac- 
 ter of conciliation and kindness ; but I cannot 
 think there would be much difficulty in 
 showing how it is in the nature of all vice to 
 injure, dissever, or destroy. It would not be
 
 100 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 difficult for a mother, before her own son has 
 learned to sit in the seat of the scorner, to 
 point out to him instances in which the peace 
 of a family is utterly destroyed by the mis- 
 conduct of a son ; and even in the simple 
 fact of his staying out late at night, she might 
 describe a mother's feelings with such pathos, 
 as to make him shrink from the perpetration 
 of such an act of unkindness, even if he re- 
 garded it as nothing more. 
 
 This, of course, must be in the commence- 
 ment of a young man's objectionable career. 
 When he has advanced further in the hard- 
 ening process, and become proof against such 
 impressions, the mother can only watch and 
 pray for moments of penitence or remorse ; 
 and when such occur, then it is that in a 
 conscientious and feeling woman, the perfec- 
 tion and beauty of the female character dis- 
 play themselves ; then it is, that the depth 
 and the tenderness of her love is unfolded, 
 that the floodgates of her sympathy are 
 thrown open, while, with an earnestness 
 which belongs only to the affection of a mo- 
 ther, she pleads with her penitent to return 
 to the ways of wisdom and of peace. 
 
 It is then, perhaps, if ever, that, with the 
 Divine blessing upon her efforts, the mother 
 is able to bring home to the mind of her son, 
 a conviction of the necessity of personal 
 religion. He will then have tried the world 
 as it is, followed the bent of his own inclina- 
 tions, tasted the bitterness of the forbidden 
 fruit, broken over the bounds of his own de- 
 termination again and again, and proved, 
 beyond all possibility of deception, that he is 
 not sufficient of himself to carry out a single 
 good resolution, or even to escape from misery 
 and degradation. It is then the blessed 
 privilege of the mother at such a time to be 
 able to point to a means of safety, and to lay 
 hold of the previous convictions of her son, 
 to prove that it is the only means. 
 
 How many a young man is brought into 
 this situation, who has no kind mother near 
 him to whom he may unburden his heart, it 
 is melancholy to think ; and how many at 
 such times, having had recourse to the advice 
 of a spiritual friend, and having formed the 
 
 best resolutions for the future, for want of the 
 watchful tenderness of a mother, have been 
 harshly dealt with, treated with contsmpt, 
 and rudely driven back from their new 
 position, by worldly-minded and irreligious 
 men ! How many have wept tears of the 
 sincerest penitence upon the comfortless 
 pillow of a cold lodging, where no female 
 voice was heard to speak in words of conso- 
 lation or of love ! How many have risen 
 from such a couch, and gone forth again to 
 mix in the revelry of strangers, and to forget 
 among scenes of folly and of vice the im- 
 pressions of the preceding night, because they 
 had no mother to go home to, and to tell of 
 the suffering, which, untold, was more than 
 they felt it possible to endure ! 
 
 Having felt for her own sons tenderly as a 
 mother, and deeply as a Christian, we need 
 scarcely add, that in the character of the 
 matron of a family, all young men who are 
 brought within the sphere of her influence, 
 ought to feel, that, to a certain extent, they 
 have a mother. Though each may be notliing 
 to her in his individual capacity, though only 
 an occasional visitor, an assistant in her hus- 
 band's business, or even an apprentice, the 
 young man of whom she thinks so little is 
 possibly the treasure of some fond mother's 
 heart, perhaps the support of a widow, or 
 the only consolation of a neglected wife, or 
 he may hold a responsible situation as being 
 the oldest of a large family whose welfare 
 may depend upon his conduct in life. From 
 such a one, separated from his own kindred, 
 can the mistress of a household, who has 
 herself experienced the anxieties of a parent, 
 withhold that Christian care, and that true 
 feminine sympathy, for which the mother of 
 the befriended youth may have to thank her 
 when they meet, to rejoice over their beloved 
 one's welcome in safety to the shores of the 
 " better land 1" 
 
 It is often said that women are powerless 
 in forming or directing the opinions of men ; 
 but when we contemplate the influence of 
 those Spartan mothers, who, by the operation 
 of united and popular feeling, could make it 
 less dreadful to their sons to die, than to
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 101 
 
 return home from an inglorious conflict, we 
 cannot doubt that with Christian women is 
 vested a power as influential, and far more 
 holy, than this. We cannot doubt but that 
 Christian women might so exercise this 
 power, as to inspire in the hearts of their 
 sons, a profound and thrilling sense of patri- 
 otism, for instance ; and if they could be 
 made to prefer the interests of their country, 
 to the indulgence of mere personal gratifica- 
 tion, might not the same influence be extend- 
 ed to the religious interests of mankind in 
 general ? N 
 
 It is too much the tendency of men, when 
 they purpose to do good, to confine their 
 attention to the pulling down of evil, to battling 
 with opposition, and correcting abuses by the 
 strong arm ; until one would almost think 
 their religion was a system of hostility, and 
 nothing more. It is the part of woman, 
 however, and one of her holiest duties, to 
 endeavor to smooth the asperities of man's 
 nature ; and when he comes to her with his 
 fierce party-feeling?, his strong prejudices, 
 and his irritated feelings, even against what 
 is wrong, it is the duty of a Christian mother, 
 towards all over whom her influence extends, 
 to point to remoter objects of consideration, 
 so as to lead away from the mere affairs of 
 the moment, to those lasting, true, and unva- 
 rying principles which constitute the essential 
 part of a religion truly described as one of 
 peace and love. 
 
 Thus by a steady and persevering direction 
 of the minds of young men to principles, 
 rather than to individuals and, above all, to 
 religion rather than to politics ; and by throw- 
 ing over the whole of her intercourse with 
 the other sex the harmony and beauty of 
 Christian love, I believe that any mother 
 may establish for herself a sphere of influ- 
 ence, both within and beyond her own imme- 
 diate family, by which the whole human 
 race, and man in particular, will be benefited 
 beyond the power of human calculation. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 THE most striking characteristic of girls 
 as intellectually and morally distinguished 
 from boys, is a quickness of susceptibility, 
 and a consequent versatility of character, 
 which may be either a defect or otherwise, 
 according to the early training to which they 
 are subjected. 
 
 It is sometimes spoken of as a defect in 
 women, that they have less power of abstrac- 
 tion than men ; and certainly if they were 
 required to take part in all the operations of 
 the other sex, it would be so ; but for my 
 own part, I must confess, I never could see 
 it an advantage to any woman, to be capable 
 of abstraction, beyond a certain extent. It 
 may be all very well for a man of science 
 now and then to boil a watch instead of an 
 egg for breakfast ; but a woman, I would 
 humbly suggest, has no business to be so far 
 absorbed in any purely intellectual pursuit, as 
 not to know when water is boiling over on 
 the fire. 
 
 That susceptibility of feeling, then, which 
 belongs peculiarly to woman, and which ren- 
 ders her liable to a far greater number and 
 variety of impressions than man, that liveli- 
 ness of interest in all that is passing around 
 her, and that versatility of character by 
 which she so easily adapts herself to every 
 variety of circumstance and situation, are, 
 in reality, the natural peculiarities upon 
 which depend much of the happiness she 
 imparts to others, as well as much of what 
 she herself enjoys. There is, however, con- 
 siderable danger, lest these peculiarities or 
 propensities of her nature, indulged to a 
 great extent, should dwindle into absolute 
 nothingness ; just as the lights and shadows 
 of a picture broken up and divided into mi- 
 nute portions destroy the effect of the whole. 
 
 The aim of a mother in the training of 
 her daughters should consequently be, to 
 strengthen their characters, and to fix them 
 on a firm and solid foundation, so that their 
 feelings may branch out and develop them-
 
 102 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 selves in endless variety, without depriving 
 the root of its necessary firmness and strength. 
 One part of the process by which girls may 
 be strengthened both in mind and body, con- 
 sists in allowing them sufficient exercise in 
 the open air ; nay, even in inducing them to 
 take advantage of it, for there is a musing 
 listless tendency in some young girls, which 
 ought by all means to be counteracted, and 
 nothing is so effectual in doing this, as the 
 stimulus of healthy and playful exercise. 
 Those women who have known what it was 
 in their childhood to enter into the true spirit 
 and luxury of wild romping, are I believe 
 alw r ays the most energetic when called upon 
 to act in affairs of importance ; while the 
 musing, quiet, listless little girl, though pos- 
 sibly she may in her early life be more gentle 
 and ladylike than the other, seldom grows 
 up to be so useful and valuable a charac- 
 ter. 
 
 The artificial habits of the present day, the 
 over-taxing of every means of keeping well 
 with the world in external things, and the 
 over-straining of talent and ability of every 
 kind in the attainment of what is merely or- 
 namental and superficial, have the worst pos- 
 sible effect upon the bodily as well as the 
 mental health of woman ; and as one is so 
 intimately connected with the other, it is one 
 of the most important duties of a mother, to 
 aim at the preservation of her daughters 
 from that host of nervous maladies which 
 effectually destroy the happiness, and pre- 
 vent the usefulness, of so many ladies in the 
 present day. 
 
 I believe it is generally allowed that fresh 
 air and exercise restore the general tone of 
 the constitution after it has become weaken- 
 ed, more effectually than any of those medi- 
 cines of whose infallibility we hear so much ; 
 and when we think how much more the 
 mind and the animal spirits are benefited by 
 the former, than the latter prescription, it 
 becomes a matter of astonishment that mo- 
 thers should not prefer spending the same 
 amount of money in procuring these rather 
 than the other. It is indeed a matter of as- 
 tonishment, that girls should be so frequently 
 
 cooped up in close rooms, scarcely permitted 
 to breathe or walk lest the air should be im- 
 pregnated with damp, or the ground a little 
 moistened by some passing shower; that 
 they should be forbidden to run, lest they 
 should heat themselves, and thus bring on a 
 delicacy of the chest ; should be dressed in 
 such a manner that they have to bear per- 
 petually in mind the spoiling of their clothes ; 
 while the little remaining strength they have 
 is supposed to be kept up by patent pills, and 
 tonics of every description. If girls thus 
 trained are to become English wives, and 
 mothers, we have certainly not much to ex- 
 pect in the future prosperity of our country, 
 except so far as relates to the department of 
 medicine. 
 
 And here I would observe, in connection 
 with the spoiling of clothes, that one of the 
 most frequent causes of dispute and dissatis- 
 faction in private families, arises out of the 
 habit, so prevalent in the present day, of liv- 
 ing in a style beyond our circumstances to 
 maintain ; or perhaps, more properly, to the 
 utmost extent of what we can afford. It 
 may seem but a trifling thing to mention 
 among the many serious subjects which oc- 
 cupy our attention in connection with ma- 
 ternal duty ; but since the happiness of do- 
 mestic life is in a great measure made up of 
 little things, I cannot think it out of place to 
 remind the mistresses of families in the mid- 
 dle ranks of life, how much disturbance of 
 temper and distress of mind they subject 
 themselves to, by the habit of having more 
 costly furniture and clothing than they can 
 afford ; how often mothers have to check the 
 healthy sports of their children, lest china 
 should be broken, carpets soiled, or dresses 
 rendered unfit for their next exhibition in 
 public ; and how often, when an accident 
 has happened, when a costly vase has been 
 demolished, a necklace broken, or a velvet 
 coat destroyed, harsh words have been inter- 
 changed by the parties implicated, and re- 
 proaches rendered a hundred-fold more bit- 
 ter, from the secret consciousness of the dif- 
 ficulty with which such wasted money in the 
 first instance was spared, and the still greater
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 103 
 
 difficulty with which such loss will be re- 
 stored. 
 
 False ideas of happiness I believe to be at 
 the root of half our miseries ; and when we 
 think of the vast amount of natural and 
 healthy enjoyment of which children are de- 
 prived, in order that they may dress and live 
 genteelly, and of the real suffering they are 
 made to endure, when their buoyant spirits 
 have led them into forgetfulness of the re- 
 quirements of this gentility ; when we think 
 of the sufferings of the mother, too, when 
 she has to tell her care-worn husband, on his 
 return home from a business which is per- 
 haps not covering his expenses, that some 
 two, or ten, or twenty guineas have been 
 wasted by a single fall ; when he turns upon 
 her with reproaches for having coveted so 
 costly and unsuitable a treasure ; and she 
 retorts upon him again, for an equal amount 
 of money wasted in some other way when 
 the evening closes with tears on one side, 
 and declarations on the other, that things 
 cannot long go on in this manner, that he 
 must fail, and be sold up, and sent to prison 
 when such scenes so frequently take place, 
 as we all know they do, from the simple fact 
 of people living habitually beyond their 
 means, an expensive establishment ought to 
 be a source of happiness indeed, to be 
 weighed in the balance against the misery of 
 a single evening spent like this. 
 
 It is then to the moral courage of women, 
 and of mothers especially, that we must look 
 for bringing about a better order of things in 
 this respect ; for training up their daughters 
 in the first place to be more healthy, in order 
 that they may have stronger nerves, and con- 
 sequently minds less susceptible of unneces- 
 sary suffering. With all the enjoyments of 
 which woman is capable, and we ought thank- 
 fully to acknowledge that they are many, she 
 is yet subject to much in this world of an 
 opposite nature to quite sufficient for her 
 strength and patience, without having super- 
 added those extraneous miseries which arise 
 out of the present artificial state of society. 
 She has enough to do to adapt herself cheer- 
 fully to her lot, whatever it may be, to bear 
 
 without complaining the trials of a constitu- 
 tion always more or less subject to infirmity, 
 to meet with equal mind the different pecu- 
 liarities of temper and disposition by which 
 she is surrounded, to console others when 
 herself in distress, to support when depressed 
 and feeble, to sooth when smarting under 
 annoyance, to cheer when cast down, and to 
 inspire hope when despairing with these, 
 and the thousand other offices of kindness 
 and consideration which it is woman's sacred 
 duty to perform, she has enough to do and 
 to suffer, without being subjected to a host 
 of enemies in that long catalogue of nervous 
 maladies which at once assail the body and 
 the mind. 
 
 " If I had been well, I could have borne 
 it," is the frequent and pitiable expression of 
 woman, when she tells of her calamities; 
 and certain it is, that with bodily health she 
 is capable both of acting and enduring to an 
 extent, which on many occasions deserves 
 the name of heroism ; while from habitual 
 bodily weakness, and all the personal in- 
 dulgence it induces, the attention to little 
 thing?, the interest centred in self, and the 
 constant occupation of mind by the trifling 
 exigencies of the moment, she has, though 
 possessing perhaps the best intentions and 
 feelings, but very little power of rendering 
 herself useful to her fellow-creatures. 
 
 I speak not of impossibilities, when I urge 
 this subject upon the attention of mothers. 
 I know that woman is naturally and neces- 
 sarily weak in comparison with man ; and 
 that her lot has been appointed thus by Him 
 who alone knows what is best for us ; but I 
 would ask for her, in common kindness, that 
 she should not be rendered weaker than is 
 necessary by an education artificial, un- 
 healthy, and unnatural. I would ask for 
 her a fresh, pure, and invigorating atmo- 
 sphere, in which she may breathe with free- 
 dom, free exercise for her limbs, and occa- 
 sionally the indulgence of that wild excite- 
 ment, that thrilling ecstasy, and that unbound- 
 ed exhilaration of mind and body, which a 
 free and joyous life in the country can best 
 afford. With the same object in view, the
 
 104 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 general strengthening of their characters, I 
 would earnestly recommend that girls should 
 often be associated with their brothers in their 
 sports, that they should climb with them the 
 craggy rock, penetrate the forest, and ramble 
 over hill and dale, avoiding only those amuse- 
 ments which to one party produce enjoyment, 
 but to the other torture or death. From these 
 girls should be most scrupulously preserved, 
 for there is cruelty enough existing in the 
 world, from the absence of all thought about it 
 in men ; but if women lose the fine edge of 
 their feelings cm subjects of this nature, they 
 lose the most beautiful of those characteristics 
 which render them scarcely less lovely, than 
 they are worthy to be admired. 
 
 In the study of botany, geology, and many 
 other pursuits of more lasting interest than 
 those which afford amusement only, girls 
 may very properly be associated with their 
 brothers ; and happily for woman, in all that 
 belongs to an intense admiration of the beau- 
 tiful, both in nature and art, she stands at 
 least on an equality with man. Many of 
 these pursuits are carried on with the great- 
 est advantage in the country ; and if only for 
 a short portion of every year it is possible for 
 parents to indulge their children with country 
 exercise and air, I believe it may be rendered 
 of lasting and incalculable benefit, by the 
 feelings it will afford them an opportunity of 
 experiencing, and the ideas they will by this 
 means acquire. 
 
 What has been said of public schools, with 
 regard to the education of children in general, 
 is most especially applicable to that of girls. 
 More liable than boys to receive impressions 
 from surrounding things, more easily divert- 
 ed from a straightforward course, less forti- 
 fied by moral courage, and consequently more 
 tempted to have recourse to artifice, if not 
 to falsehood, in order to escape what they 
 dread, they are at once more exposed 10 in- 
 jury and less capable of withstanding it ; 
 while many of the reasons which operate 
 powerfully in favor of sending boys to school, 
 have no relation whatever to the formation 
 of the female character. Besides which, the 
 education of a woman, if it be worth any 
 
 thing, should be one which would fit her for 
 filling the place and discharging the duties of 
 a woman ; and until some new system of 
 school-education shall be adopted, by which 
 girls may be progressively initiated into what 
 will constitute the business of their future 
 lives, the advantages of sending them away 
 from home must be of a very questionable 
 nature, except in the instances already allu- 
 ded to, where family associations are likely 
 to be injurious. 
 
 In support of my own strong feelings on 
 the subject of sending girls to school, I can- 
 not resist the temptation of quoting again 
 from the pages of " Home Education," where 
 the author observes that " Girls should be 
 educated at home, with a constant recollec- 
 tion that their brothers, and the future com- 
 panions of their lives, are at the same time 
 at school, making certain acquisitions indeed, 
 dipping into the Greek drama, and the like 
 but receiving a very partial training of the 
 mind, in the best sense, or perhaps only such 
 a training as chance may direct ; and that 
 they will return to their homes, wanting in 
 genuine sentiments, and in the refinement 
 of the heart Girls, well taught at home, 
 may tacitly compel their brothers to feel, if 
 not to confess, when they return from school, 
 that, although they may have gone some way 
 beyond their sisters in mere scholarship, or in 
 mathematical proficiency, they are actually in- 
 ferior to them in variety of information, in cor- 
 rectness of taste, and in general maturity of 
 understanding, as well as in propriety of con- 
 duct, self-government, in steadiness and eleva- 
 tion of principle, and in force and depth of feel- 
 ing. With young men of ingenuous tem- 
 pers, this consciousness of their sisters' su- 
 periority in points which every day they will 
 be more willing to deem important, may be 
 turned to the best account, under a discreet 
 parental guidance, and may become the 
 means of the most beneficial reaction in their 
 moral sentiments. 
 
 "Parents, therefore, in the education of 
 their daughters at home, will do well to keep 
 in view this double intention in the course 
 they are pursuing ; and while bestowing
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 105 
 
 their cares immediately upon these, recollect 
 that they will have an influence to exert 
 hereafter, such as will make itself felt far be- 
 yond its immediate circle." 
 
 In proportion as girls are more liable than 
 boys to receive impressions and imbibe no- 
 tions from those with whom they associate, 
 they derive more benefit from pursuing their 
 studies beneath the care of kind and judi- 
 cious parents. For that part of education 
 which belongs to the mere acquisition of 
 learning, there are teachers easily to be had ; 
 while for that far greater portion which be- 
 longs to the formation of character, the mo- 
 ther, where her own example and influence 
 are good, is of all human beings the best fit- 
 ted. In cultivating a taste for what is re- 
 fined and beautiful, in the acquisition of gen- 
 eral knowledge, as well as in that of easy 
 and agreeable manners, in conversation at 
 once intelligent and unobtrusive, in the prac- 
 tical part of female duty, and in all those 
 graces of mind and person which most em- 
 bellish the female character, it is impossible 
 to imagine a young girl more advantageous- 
 ly situated than in a well-regulated home, 
 and surrounded by an amiable and well-in- 
 formed family, where occasional reading 
 aloud from well-selected books, lively in- 
 structive conversation, and easy and faithful 
 narrative, constitute the fireside amusements 
 of a social circle. In the midst of such a 
 family, with a mother who can teach her all 
 the beauty of household accomplishments, 
 without any of their vulgarity, a young girl 
 may indeed be said to be fitting herself for a 
 useful and agreeable woman ; and the nearer 
 the education of schools can be made to re- 
 semble this, the more likely they will be to 
 make young women all which the compan- 
 ions of their future lives would desire. 
 
 But how is it so many mothers of domes- 
 tic habits themselves, complain that their 
 daughters cannot be made to attend to house- 
 hold concerns ! and how is it that so many 
 young ladies who do not deny that domestic 
 attention is a duty in woman, still reject with 
 contempt the idea of making themselves 
 useful ) Much of this truly culpable absurd- 
 
 ity we know to arise out of false notions of 
 refinement, and out of that universal preva- 
 lence in the present day, of an anxiety, in 
 the middle classes of society, to adopt the 
 habits of the higher ; yet I cannot but sus- 
 pect, that another secret lies at the root of 
 this evil, which mothers in general appear 
 not to have dreamed of in their philosophy. 
 I allude to the little care which is taken to 
 render the performance of household duties 
 attractive to young people. 
 
 There is no reason, that I can imagine, 
 why household duties should not be attrac- 
 tive ; why a mother and her daughters, as- 
 sociated for a few hours in the laundry, or 
 even in the kitchen, should not enjoy conver- 
 sation as pleasant, as when seated in the 
 most elegant drawing-room ; nay, rather, I 
 believe the brisk healthy exercise, the natu- 
 ral satisfaction of dispatching business, and 
 the pleasant idea of being useful, are calcu- 
 lated, when combined in this manner, and 
 when enjoyed with congenial companions, 
 to do good both to the bodily health, and the 
 animal spirits ; and I would strongly urge 
 upon all mothers to make the experiment, 
 who are afflicted with discontented, over-sen- 
 sitive, and morbidly miserable daughters. 
 
 But how is it, we ask again, that young 
 ladies have such an unconquerable repug- 
 nance to this kind of occupation ? Shall I 
 be pardoned if I suggest, that many of them 
 have never seen their mothers happy, some 
 have never seen them reasonable, and others 
 still have never seen them good-humored, 
 while engaged in their domestic duties. 
 There is such a thing as toiling on from 
 morning till night, and yet making nobody 
 comfortable, dusting, washing, brushing, and 
 cleaning, and yet making nobody comforta- 
 ble, cooking, broiling, stewing, and steam- 
 ing, and yet making nobody comfortable, 
 :oncocting good things, and yet making no- 
 body comfortable, laying down carpets, fit- 
 ting up rooms, stuffing out pillows, smooth- 
 ng down beds, and yet making nobody com- 
 fortable. No ; it is this perpetual hurrying, 
 scolding, and grumbling, this absence of 
 peace, and absence of pleasure, which dis-
 
 106 / 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 gusts and deters young women from plung- 
 ing into a vortex, where the loss of all com- 
 fort appears inevitable ; and when we look 
 at the anxious expression of these house-de- 
 voted slaves, when we hear their weary step, 
 and above all their constant complainings of 
 servants and work-people, when we see how 
 entirely their life is one of tumult and confu- 
 sion, excluding all calm or intellectual enjoy- 
 ments, we cannot wonder that young women 
 with any right feeling, or any taste for refine- 
 ment, should be effectually repelled from all 
 sympathy or association with their mothers' 
 pursuits. 
 
 It would be w.ell sometimes, if one might 
 venture on so bold a question, to ask such 
 tumultuous housekeepers, what it is they are 
 really aiming at, in the world of bustle and 
 turmoil which they create ? I believe many 
 of them would answer with the most per- 
 fect sincerity, that their aim was to make 
 everybody comfortable. Alas ! that so vast an 
 amount of labor should ever be undertaken to 
 so little purpose ! If they could only be in- 
 duced to withdraw themselves from the 
 scene of action for a few days, or rather be 
 prevailed upon to sit still, look on, and take 
 no part in the domestic proceedings, I ima- 
 gine they would be a little surprised to see 
 how incomparably more -comfortable every- 
 body would be without their interference, 
 than with it 
 
 Comfort, they would then learn, is not to 
 be purchased by the loss of peace. No; 
 there must be system, there must be order, 
 there must be a well-regulated, as well as a 
 busy household, before the individuals who 
 compose it can be made happy ; and there- 
 fore it needs both good sense and refinement, 
 both a well-managed temper and a cultivated 
 mind, for the mistress of a house to conduct 
 her domestic affairs in such a manner, as to 
 render the scene of her practical duties in 
 this department one of attraction to her 
 daughters. 
 
 Unless a mother is willing and able to 
 associate herself in such pursuits with her 
 daughters, she had almost better allow them 
 to grow up in ignorance of domestic duties 
 
 altogether ; for such is the danger of young 
 girls associating exclusively with servants, 
 that the benefits derived from a little extra 
 skill in this department, would be purchased 
 at too great a risk. We cannot too carefully 
 preserve young women from all that may 
 endanger a loss of their delicacy and refine- 
 ment ; and if they cnnnot be domestic without 
 being vulgar, it is a proof that they have not 
 been trained in the right manner to the 
 discharge of their duties, for I am convinced 
 there is nothing in the practical part of domes- 
 tic economy, necessarily vulgar in itself. 
 
 In these, as well as in so many of the 
 duties of women, it is the motive which 
 dignifies the act ; and when all unsuitable 
 conversation is avoided, when the reason 
 why every tiling is done is rationally and 
 cheerfully explained ; when, instead of the 
 ignorant or clumsy method in which servants 
 are accustomed to conduct their household 
 affairs, the mother instructs her daughters 
 how to do every thing with good sense, ex- 
 pertness, and scrupulous nicety ; when she 
 enlivens her method of instruction with amus- 
 ing and well-told anecdotes, or points out the 
 relations of cause and effect in a more phi- 
 losophical point of view ; when she shows 
 how a little deviation from this plan or the 
 other will annoy or occasion inconvenience 
 to others ; and how the bestowment of a little 
 more pains, will increase materially the com- 
 fort of some member of the family, if not of 
 all ; when she pictures the satisfaction ex- 
 hibited by some well-known countenance, 
 and describes in anticipation the delight of 
 affectionate surprise when she thus throws 
 a sentiment and a moral into all that is done, 
 we profane one of the most sacred of maternal 
 duties, by calling it either vulgar, or unworthy 
 of our regard. 
 
 In the choice of books to be read for the 
 instruction or amusement of her daughters, 
 a mother should be always consulted. A 
 novel read in secret is a dangerous thing ; 
 but there are many works of taste and fancy, 
 which, when accompanied by the remarks of 
 a feeling and judicious mother, may be ren- 
 dered improving to the mind, and beneficial
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 107 
 
 to the character altogether ; nor is it possible 
 to imagine a scene of much greater enjoyment, 
 than is presented by a thoroughly united and 
 intelligent family, the female members of 
 which are busily at work, while a father or 
 brother reads aloud to them some interesting 
 book approved by the mother, and delighted 
 in by her daughters. 
 
 In all the intimacies of friendship, and 
 especially in those lengthy and numerous 
 correspondences into which young women 
 are apt to enter with more feeling than pru- 
 dence, the mother ought to feel assured that 
 her approbation will be sought for, and that 
 nothing will be really enjoyed, not even the 
 closest and most interesting friendship, in 
 which she does not to some extent participate. 
 It is true she cannot/orce herself into these 
 intimacies, and ought not to assert a claim 
 to do so ; but her whole conduct and beha- 
 vior towards her daughters, should be such 
 as to inspire a feeling in their hearts, that no 
 enjoyment is complete without her sharing 
 it, or at least giving it her entire sanction. 
 Indeed, without this degree of confidence, 
 which must be voluntary on the part of the 
 young, how is it possible that a mother can 
 really know the whole heart of her daughters ? 
 and without such knowledge, she can exercise 
 but little influence over their moral character. 
 
 It is not the manner in which a young 
 woman conducts herself in company, which 
 betrays what is at work in those chambers 
 of imagery, where the imagination and the 
 feelings of youth are apt to dwell ; and often 
 those characters which appear in general 
 society the most hidden, and the most reserv- 
 ed, are struggling hard with under-currents 
 of tumultuous feelings, of which the world 
 has little knowledge or suspicion. But the 
 mother ought not tg be strange, like the world, 
 to these operations, which go on in connec- 
 tion as it were with a sort of inner life, and 
 which constitute in reality, the whole happi- 
 ness or misery of the individual to whom they 
 belong. With this second life, so often hid 
 in the bosom of her child, the mother ought 
 to live; for here will commence the first 
 awakening of those deep affections, which 
 
 lie at the foundation of the whole moral being 
 of woman. 
 
 The mother should enjoy the entire and 
 unreserved confidence of her daughters, in 
 all those little affairs of personal calculation 
 which so often gratify the vanity, at the same 
 time that they disturb the peace, of woman ; 
 for just in proportion as her feelings are liable 
 to excitement, and quick to receive impres- 
 sions ; in proportion as her happiness depends 
 upon others, upon preserving their approba- 
 tion, or gaining their favor, she is subject 
 to an endless variety of anticipations and 
 regrets, of hopes and disappointments, of 
 joys and of sorrows, to which man is a stran- 
 ger, and which, from the different elements 
 these varied sensations bring into operation, 
 often render the whole character feeble and 
 valueless, though at the same time it may be 
 composed of little but what is amiable and 
 agreeable in itself. 
 
 To prevent their daughters learning to 
 live upon the excitement of the moment, 
 leaning too much upon others for support, 
 seeking too eagerly for approbation or praise, 
 calculating too seriously upon the flattery and 
 attentions they receive, and in short building 
 their happiness too much upon the gratifica- 
 tion of their vanity, ought to be the great 
 aim of the mothers of England ; for to grow 
 up with an idea of the supreme desirable. 
 ness of attracting attention, is a mistake as 
 pitiable as absurd. Yet it is one to which 
 girls of quick feelings are particularly liable ; 
 and even where the attractions of beauty 
 are wanting, the power of riveting attention 
 by amusing anecdote, of exciting applause 
 by the display of accomplishments, or of 
 making themselves conspicuous in almost 
 any other way in short, of doing any thing 
 to escape the mortification of being overlook- 
 ed or neglected, are among the most frequent 
 temptations from which a mother ought, by 
 all possible means, to preserve her daugh- 
 ters. 
 
 It is often the case with women, that a 
 rapid and acute discrimination, a turn for 
 drollery, and a quick perception of the ri- 
 diculous, degenerate into uncharitable satire,
 
 108 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 and a desire to excite laughter at the ex- 
 pense of kind feeling. And here, as well as 
 in all other instances of feminine weakness, 
 the preventive process is that to which we 
 look with the greatest confidence of success; 
 for, with a character previously fortified by a 
 strong sense of justice, this temptation will 
 be less likely to gain the mastery ; and where 
 the mind is preoccupied with what is more 
 important, the littleness of personal vanity 
 will be less likely to lead astray. 
 
 One of the greatest difficulties in attempt- 
 ing to correct the faults of woman, is that so 
 many of them are such as "lean to virtue's 
 side," that they are in fact mismanaged or 
 ill-directed peculiarities of character which 
 could not have been destroyed, but by the 
 extinction of her individuality. If ever then 
 the care of a judicious mother is wanted, it 
 is in the opening feelings of a young girl, 
 when branches of the tenderest growth have 
 to be cherished and directed, rather than 
 checked and lopped off. We would not 
 have, for instance, a race of women unsus- 
 ceptible of praise and blame, reckless of per- 
 sonal attraction, and, above all, insensible to 
 the enjoyment of being beloved. Any mode 
 of training that would deprive woman of her 
 natural feelings, would deprive her of the 
 capability which she holds as her most sa- 
 cred trust, of being a blessing to her fellow- 
 creatures, and especially to man. 
 
 But, blessed be God ! there is a foundation 
 upon which the character of woman may 
 safely rest, and which denies not to her the 
 exercise of those peculiar feelings with which 
 she has been endowed, in order that she may 
 with more facility fulfil her divine mission 
 upon earth. It is the religion of Christ Jesus 
 a religion which binds by gratitude and 
 love : and are not gratitude and love two of 
 the great elements of her spiritual existence? 
 It is a religion which invites her to believe 
 and trust : and is it not her nature to do 
 both ? It is a religion which proposes to her 
 a firm support upon which she may lean 
 with safety : and is she not painfully con- 
 scious of being insufficient of herself? It is 
 a religion which offers her the shadow of a 
 
 mighty rock in a weary land : and is she not 
 a pilgrim faint and feeble, and often wounded 
 and distressed ? It is a religion which re- 
 quires her to visit the fatherless and the 
 widow : and is it not consistent with her 
 natural sympathies to do this ? Finally, it is 
 a religion which appeals to her affections, 
 which asks her both to labor and to love, to 
 bear and to forbear, to do and to suffer, for the 
 sake of One who first loved her, and who 
 suffered for her sake : and can there be to 
 woman a more sacred, a more tender, or a 
 more powerful appeal ? No ; philosophy is 
 not congenial to her nature. It is wholly in- 
 sufficient to supply her wants, and mere phi- 
 losophy has ever made shipwreck and ruin 
 of her happiness ; but in proportion as she 
 is capable of enjoying and of suffering, and 
 that is to an extent which exceeds all calcu- 
 lation, the religion of the Bible is indeed a 
 revelation of good-tidings to her, opening to 
 her a well-spring of everlasting peace, by 
 which she may sit down in safety, and forget 
 what a scene of suffering this world would 
 be to her, if deprived of the blessed hope 
 which points her affections to another. 
 
 This firm foundation of religious faith, it 
 is then the sacred duty of the mother to en- 
 deavor, with the Divine blessing, to make the 
 basis of her daughter's moral character: but 
 here again we must remember, that the same 
 peculiarities will appear ; for th6ugh, by the 
 regenerating operation of the Holy Spirit, 
 the heart may be changed in all that relates 
 immediately to everlasting salvation, it is 
 much to be regretted, that a carelessness on 
 some points of moral interest should creep in, 
 perhaps unawares, and blend itself with the 
 life and conduct of some otherwise excellent 
 persons, so as greatly to injure the cause, 
 which they probably feel, at times, as if they 
 would be willing to die to serve. 
 
 The influence of fashion has a great deal 
 to do with forming the habits of women ; be- 
 cause, from their natural desire to please, 
 and to excite admiration, they are but ill pre- 
 pared to be, or to appear, what the society 
 with which they associate, and which consti- 
 tutes the world to them, does not commend
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 109 
 
 and approve. Hence, so long as their re- 
 ligious duties fall in with the customs and 
 opinions of this world, they go smoothly on ; 
 and many (alas ! too many) go little further ; 
 but when conscience makes the discovery, 
 that the ways even of this little select and 
 reputable world are not exactly right, or 
 rather are not right for them ; when, from 
 their peculiar circumstances, they are under 
 a moral obligation to do what this little world 
 never does what the friends with whom 
 they associate, and who attend the same 
 place of worship with themselves, never do; 
 then comes the struggle, and then most espe- 
 cially do women need the support of moral 
 courage, and of that strong foundation of 
 moral character in general, which can best 
 be laid in childhood, anc while under the 
 care of a kind and judicious mother. 
 
 To learn willingly and promptly to do 
 whatever is right, simply because it is so, 
 is a great acquisition to any one ; but it is 
 most especially so to w^omen, because the 
 first and most natural inquiry with them, 
 when called upon to act in a way different 
 from the common and approved routine of 
 life, is, " What will such and such persons 
 say 1" " How grieved such a one will be !" 
 or, " How shocked such another !" and so on, 
 until the very basis of moral conduct comes 
 to be lost sight of, in the consequences which 
 are likely to accrue in a social and worldly 
 point of view. 
 
 If I might, without being accused of par- 
 tiality, venture to speak of the females of 
 one religious body as peculiarly exemplifying 
 my meaning, I should point to the Society of 
 Friends, whose private lives afford so beau- 
 tiful an illustz'ation of looking directly to the 
 abstract right and wrong of every action 
 they perform. It is true, even these women 
 are often diverted from the main point, by 
 little calculations about hems, and fringes, 
 because great importance is attached to these 
 outward tests by the Society to which they 
 belong ; but the habit which is with many of 
 them conscientiously cultivated from early 
 childhood, of simply regarding the right and 
 wrong of every question, and, above all, that 
 
 of promptly doing the right thing without re- 
 gard to consequences, believing that only a 
 just or an upright motive is required in the 
 act, to render it acceptable in the Divine 
 sight, and leaving the results entirely with 
 Him who seeth not as man seeth these 
 habits, cultivated from earliest childhood, and 
 brought into operation in support of truth, 
 integrity, benevolence, and right feeling of 
 every kind, have rendered the female portion 
 of the Society of Friends peculiarly exempt 
 from the weaknesses and the temptations to 
 which allusion has just been made ; arid if it 
 were possible for the world in general to be 
 made acquainted with their hidden virtues 
 perhaps more virtuous because they are hid- 
 den I believe there would be found much 
 among them, that would encourage the mo- 
 thers of England to educate their daughters 
 upon a system, which, while it detracts noth- 
 ing from the loveliness and the gentleness of 
 female character, places it upon a firmer 
 foundation as regards strong principle, and 
 moral feeling. 
 
 The love of a mother, and the beneficial 
 influence she is so capable of exercising over 
 her daughters, ought not to be too much con- 
 fined to their early years. As they advance 
 in life, this love assumes more of the charac- 
 ter of friendship, and is sometimes rendered 
 the most interesting and delightful which can 
 be enjoyed on earth. In the attachments, 
 occupations, and amusements o( her daugh- 
 ters, the mother often lives over again the 
 happy days of her own fresh and buoyant 
 youth. Enclosed, as it were, in the home- 
 garden with her daughters, she gradually re- 
 tires from those active occupations which 
 may in some measure have wasted her early 
 strength ; and knowing that nothing can be 
 leaned well, which is not practically learned, 
 she sits in privileged comfort, and looks on, 
 while younger and more active performers 
 carry on the operations of domestic duty. 
 She has then the happy consciousness that 
 her daughters really know what belongs to 
 the business of a household, before they are 
 required to carry it on with no mother to di- 
 rect ; and she can point out in what they
 
 110 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 have succeeded, or in what they might have 
 done better, before they are exposed to the 
 less gentle criticism of comparative stran- 
 gers. 
 
 In their intercourse with society she is also 
 ever near. By rendering her companionship 
 one of their greatest enjoyments, they learn to 
 esteem it a privilege to have her with them 
 in all their visits, both of duty and enjoy- 
 ment ; and she thus has an opportunity of 
 watching every look, and hearing every 
 word ^ and it may be, of knowing that all 
 are regulated by that good taste and right 
 feeling, which it has been her constant en- 
 deavor to cultivate. Above all, she will have 
 an opportunity of observing, by what beha- 
 vior their intercourse with the other sex is 
 marked. Girls may be very judicious, and 
 very correct among themselves, and yet very 
 silly when they receive for the first time the 
 flattering attentions of men. How sad it is, 
 then, for a young woman to expose herself 
 to the ridicule of those who know more of 
 the world than she does, and who conse- 
 quently are better acquainted with the ex- 
 treme worthlessness of those common-place 
 civilities, which none but the vain or the ig- 
 norant can misconstrue into personal compli- 
 ments! 
 
 If ever, in the course of female experience, 
 a mother's protection and advice are neces- 
 sary, it is at such times ; for to witness the 
 foolish practising of ungenerous men upon 
 the credulity of young girls, is as painful as 
 it is humiliating humiliating to think that 
 the nature of woman should be such as to 
 allow her to believe what is so palpably ab- 
 surd, and often so grossly insincere ; and 
 painful that the weak should thus be taken ad- 
 vantage of by the strong. It is, in fact, a most 
 unfair and cruel trial, to which young girls 
 are subjected on their first entering into socie- 
 ty. Warm-hearted, credulous, and perhaps 
 a little vain, the kind attentions of men excite 
 their gratitude, for they seem to set them 
 more at ease with themselves, and to take 
 off the edge of that painful susceptibility, 
 which makes them feel as if they were less 
 interesting and attractive than any one else, 
 
 at the same time that they experience a secret 
 and craving desire to be more so. The kind 
 attentions of men are then most gratifying ; 
 they begin, while receiving them, to feel that 
 they are not neglected perhaps they begin 
 to hope that they may be in some slight degree 
 attractive ; and if the affair ended here, there 
 would be no great amount of harm to lament ; 
 but unfortunately an ungenerous man cares 
 little about the mischief he is doing, and just 
 by way of amusing himself perhaps by way 
 of ascertaining how foolish a young girl can 
 make herself he follows up his attentions, 
 which at firs 1 vvere really kind, by a system 
 of flattery ao direct, and by attentions so 
 pointed. Jiat the unsophisticated child of 
 nature, over whose ignorance he triumphs, 
 .becomes a laughing-stock to her companions, 
 and, more than all, to him. 
 
 To imagine a poor girl thus circumstanced, 
 without a mother to watch over her, is mel- 
 ancholy indeed : but what shall we say where 
 the mother is a party concerned in this folly ; 
 and where, with worse than folly on her part, 
 she hails the flattering prospect of her daugh- 
 ters becoming distinguished in society, as an 
 omen of their speedy and advantageous set- 
 tlement in life ? It is impossible to express 
 in language strong enough for the occasion, 
 the disgust nay, the perfect horror which 
 this manoeuvring on the part of mothers 
 naturally excites ; and the wonder is, that 
 they do not in all instances as no doubt 
 they do in a great many defeat their own 
 ends. The wonder is, that women possessed 
 of even a moderate portion of common sense, 
 cannot see how repulsive it must be to men, 
 to meet in society with young ladies whose 
 parents are anxious to get them off; for how 
 is it possible to suppose, that those girls who 
 are so little wanted or so little valued in their 
 natural homes, could be any desirable acquisi- 
 tion to the home of a husband ? On the other 
 hand, the more carefully a young girl is 
 guarded at home, the more tenderly she ia 
 cherished, the more highly she is valued, and 
 the greater the sacrifice it would be to her 
 parents to part with her, the more room there 
 is to hope, that she is really estimable in
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 Ill 
 
 herself, and calculated to bring a dowry of 
 happiness, as her marriage portion, to the 
 husband of her, choice. 
 
 If there be one trust more sacred than an- 
 other to the heart of a mother, it is the deli- 
 cacy and the purity of her daughters ; to 
 shield them from all exposure to unkind re- 
 marks, by the most scrupulous care as regards 
 their dress and manners ; to keep them from 
 intercourse with those whose feelings are not 
 finely strung, and whose minds are not en- 
 lightened or refined ; and to preserve them 
 from the sad consequences to woman, of 
 even the slightest deviation from the strict 
 line of propriety in habits and conversation ; 
 these are among the sacred duties of a mo- 
 ther, and they are such as no other person 
 can so well perform. 
 
 As the love and the care of a mother for 
 her own sons, and the feelings of anxiety 
 which they awaken, naturally lead her to feel 
 a greater interest in young men in general, 
 and especially in those who are placed within 
 the sphere of her influence ; so the same feel- 
 ings on the part of a mother towards her 
 daughters, extend themselves with a kind 
 and matronly protection to all the young 
 females with whom she is brought into inti- 
 mate association ; and knowing what a deep 
 well-spring of affection there is within her 
 own breast, and how much she is capable of 
 doing and suffering for her own children, if 
 she be a kind and generous-hearted woman, 
 she will sympathize in proportion with those 
 young women, who may be separated from 
 their own families, and deprived of a mother's 
 tenderness and care ; but especially she will 
 sympathize with the motherless. 
 
 And here I must beg to call the attention 
 of the mothers of England to one particular 
 class of women, whose rights and whose suf- 
 ferings ought to occupy, more than they do, 
 the attention of benevolent Christians. I 
 allude to governesses, and I believe that in 
 this class, taken as a whole, is to be found 
 more refinement of mind, and consequently 
 more susceptibility of feeling, than in any 
 other. That they should be refined, at least 
 to a certain extent, well brought up, and well 
 
 educated, are among their necessary qualifi- 
 cations for the office of governess in private 
 families of respectability ; and the more culti- 
 vation of mind they can throw into the scale 
 of merit, the more delicate, the more accom- 
 plished, and the more highly embellished their 
 characters are in every respect, the more they 
 are esteemed in the line of their profession. 
 But is there not another contingent hanging 
 upon the question of qualification ? Are they 
 not in the same proportion liable to suffering ? 
 
 " But we treat them so well," say the mo- 
 thers of England. " We make them exactly 
 like members of our own families ; and that 
 is more than can always be expected by young 
 women who have to go out." Here then lies 
 the mischief. It is the habit we have of 
 sgeaking and thinking of "going out" as a 
 degradation, which creates more than half 
 the misery with which it is associated. And 
 why should it be considered a degradation, 
 when the duty of educating the young is 
 universally acknowledged to be the most 
 important which can devolve upon any hu- 
 man being, at the same time that it requires 
 the highest mental attainments 1 We all know 
 this ; and we all know that the governess is 
 often in reality as superior in knowledge, 
 habits, and associations, to the family in which 
 she resides, as the members of that family 
 are to the servants who wait around their 
 table ; and yet we all agree, as if by universal 
 consent, to consider it a degradation to go 
 out 
 
 Wherever an opinion prevails which is 
 contrary to reason, a hope may be indulged, 
 though but a faint one, of its being finally 
 overthrown ; and thus, though perfectly aware 
 that it is more difficult to alter the current of 
 popular feeling, than to remove mountains, I 
 cannot altogether despair, when I think what 
 the happy results would be, of such an al- 
 teration in public opinion, as would permit 
 young women to be industrious rather than 
 dependent, and to employ their time and their 
 talents in providing for themselves without 
 being degraded. There is no help for govern- 
 esses until this happy change is effected ; 
 and it is to the mothers of England alone,
 
 113 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 that we can look for so desirable a revolution 
 both in private and social feeling. 
 
 When we look around upon society, and 
 see the hundreds of young women who have 
 comparatively nothing to do, in families 
 where their fathers and brothers are over- 
 worked ; when we see how the natural love 
 of occupation directs them to all manner of 
 trifling, and often to expensive and useless 
 pursuits ; when we think how much happier 
 they would be if profitably employed ; and 
 how much better it would be for their parents, 
 and all with whom they are concerned, if 
 they also were bringing in a little money to 
 the general stock ; it is truly astonishing 
 that the prejudices of society should place 
 a barrier betwixt them and those honest and 
 praiseworthy efforts, by which their health, 
 both of body and mind, might be radically 
 improved. I speak not of the aristocracy 
 of our land, of those who are born to rank 
 and affluence, but of the middle class of 
 society of those who are connected with 
 trade, and dependent upon business for the 
 comforts they enjoy ; and I repeat, it is truly 
 astonishing that such prejudices should exist 
 among them, as to condemn the females of 
 this class so often to suffering, helplessness, 
 and dependence, and, in short, to moral 
 degradation ; for what can more effectually 
 destroy all sense of moral dignity, than to 
 be penniless, powerless, hopeless and unoccu- 
 pied? 
 
 I have already alluded to those frequent 
 marriages of calculation and interest which 
 are both looked out for, and entered into, urv 
 der these circumstances ; and were I to 
 trust myself to draw a picture of the result 
 of such marriages, as they operate upon 
 different varieties of character, and upon 
 society in general, I believe I could bring 
 home conviction to the hearts of at least 
 some of the mothers of England ; but time 
 and space, as well as the general nature of 
 this work, forbid that such minute details 
 of individual experience should be exhibited 
 here. It would be more to my present pur- 
 pose, if mothers could but be brought to be- 
 lieve, that with them rests the power of 
 
 turning the current of popular opinion into 
 a more wholesome and beneficial channel 
 that with them rests the power of making 
 their daughters at once more independent, 
 more useful, and consequently happier than 
 they are. 
 
 I allude to the preventive process, which 
 is the only one capable of operating with 
 any efficiency here ; and I would ask in the 
 first place, whether any possible reason can 
 be given, why the daughters of a family, 
 whose sole maintenance is an honest and 
 respectable business, should hold themselves 
 so immeasurably above all contact with it, 
 even in its remotest branches ? It cannot be 
 from want of capacity, when they have had so 
 much of the profits of that business spent 
 upon the cultivation and improvement of 
 their minds. It cannot be from want of 
 health ; or, if it be, this very occupation would 
 be to them the best medicine. And if the 
 business in which their fathers and brothers 
 are engaged, is one in which women cannot 
 with propriety take part, there is a wide field 
 of occupation afforded by others, so that 
 none need be at a loss, if only the degrada- 
 tion could be overcome if only it could be 
 rendered less agonizing to the nerves of a 
 young lady to "go out." 
 
 But one of the great advantages of this 
 change of public opinion,- and one which 
 ought to come home to the feelings of every 
 mother, would accrue to that now unfortu- 
 nate class of young women, who, from loss 
 of parents, or change of circumstances, are 
 compelled to go out, often having been 
 brought up to expect nothing but indulgence 
 and plenty ; and, above all, after having been 
 educated in the popular belief, that to provide 
 for themselves, is at once a calamity and a 
 degradation. The sufferings of young: wo- 
 men thus circumstanced, what pen shall de- 
 scribe ! To some of us, the breaking up of a 
 once happy and honorable home would be 
 sufficient, the uprooting of family interests, 
 the severing of family ties, the actual loss to 
 the heart and the affections ; to say nothing 
 of the over-esteemed indulgences of artificial 
 life. But when we add to these, the frequent.
 
 ON THE TRAINING OF GIRLS. 
 
 113 
 
 ly altered behavior of friends and associates 
 to the young woman who has to seek a situa- 
 tion, the loss of caste in society, the remarks 
 which every one then feels at liberty to make 
 upon the previous extravagance of her fam- 
 ily, the cold reception of strangers, the doubt- 
 ful position when placed in an unknown 
 ' household, and the selfishness of those who, 
 in purchasing industry and talent, expect to 
 purchase kindness of feeling, and identity 
 of interest, as well when we think how lit- 
 tle of either is often shown in return, how 
 often the mother who has engaged a govern- 
 ess for her children, expects that governess 
 to listen with untiring interest to her long 
 details of family matters, while she never 
 makes it her business to ascertain whether 
 the governess has or has not a father or a 
 mother ; and when in just glancing at this 
 view of the picture, we know that it presents 
 but the surface of the real situation of many 
 a governess ; and that deeper sufferings, and 
 annoyances a hundredfold more trying, lie 
 beneath ; it becomes a question of Christian 
 benevolence towards those young women 
 who are under the necessity of going out, 
 whether we ought not to do something to 
 stem the tide of popular feeling on this par- 
 ticular point, so as to mitigate the hardships 
 of their lots. 
 
 Mothers who have recourse to the assist- 
 ance of governesses in their families, may 
 certainly do much, by extending towards 
 them something of that maternal care and 
 sympathy which their own children enjoy ; 
 and that this is often done with true gener- 
 osity of feeling, many of those young wo- 
 men who are deprived of the society of their 
 natural protectors have thankfully to ac- 
 knowledge. But it is not the mere fact of 
 being kindly, or even respectfully treated, at 
 the table of a stranger, which can remedy 
 the evil. There must be a change in public 
 feeling, and a removal of social and individ- 
 ual prejudice on these subjects, before the 
 situation of governesses in general can be 
 rendered any thing but miserable ; and it is 
 to mothers only that we can appeal on behalf 
 of their own children, if such a lot should 
 
 ever become theirs and on behalf of the chil- 
 dren of other families broken up or dispersed 
 for commencing with the early training of their 
 daughters, a totally different order of thought 
 and feeling on those subjects ; and by quali- 
 fying them for the efforts they may have to 
 make, by the early cultivation of moral cour- 
 age based on the stteng foundation of reli- 
 gious principle. 
 
 The love of a mother is naturally, and, as 
 it exists in the animal creation, a tender 
 brooding love a love that brings home, as it 
 were, beneath the parent's wing, and which 
 delights in nothing so much as feeling that 
 the beloved ones are safe, and safe because 
 they are near. But the Christian mother has 
 to look beyond the limits of this narrow-" and 
 exclusive love, and to throw precisely the 
 same feelings into a far wider field of thought 
 and calculation. She has, in short, to leave 
 herself out of the question of her children's 
 happiness, and to form their characters upon 
 such a basis, as that they shall be as safe 
 when her influence is withdrawn, as when 
 they are immediately beneath her eye. Slie 
 cannot expect to be always near her daugh- 
 ters, and whether or not they have to share 
 the lot above described, they will in all prob- 
 ability be established in homes, separate, if 
 not distant, from hers, where they will have 
 to act for, and by themselves. To fit them 
 for this, or for whatever may betide in the 
 vicissitude -of human affairs, is then her ' 
 great object ; and while she makes them 
 generally useful, and thoroughly initiated in 
 all the business of domestic life, she will see 
 the advantage, too often lost sight of, of bring- 
 ing them up with the thorough knowledge of 
 some additional art or attainment, by which 
 they may, if required, be able to maintain 
 themselves ; but at the same time she must 
 instil into their minds an honorable convic- 
 tion, that the practice of such an art is far 
 more commendable, and far more conducive 
 to happiness, than the helplessness of mere 
 artificial refinements, or the meanness of vol- 
 untary dependence. 
 
 In this manner, the mother will provide 
 more effectually for the welfare of her daugh-
 
 114 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 ters, than the father who toils to obtain them 
 a fortune ; and when her tender and watch- 
 ful eye is about tcf close upon them forever, 
 she will have the satisfaction of leaving them 
 a support to their country, an honor to soci- 
 ety, and a blessing to those with whom they 
 may be most intimately associated. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 ON RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE. 
 
 ON the subject of religious influence, I do 
 not feel myself called upon to enter at length 
 into a description of that change of heart, 
 without which the mother can have little to 
 hope for in the religious education of her chil- 
 dren. Throughout the course of this work, 
 it has appeared to me a duty to throw out 
 occasional hints, in the hope that they may 
 be found useful, even to religious parents, 
 rather than to lay down any specific rule, by 
 which the religious character may be formed. 
 There are other writers to do this, of far high- 
 er qualifications than myself; while it is pos- 
 sible that many things connected with the 
 morals of social life, which strike the eye of 
 the more trifling observer, may entirely escape 
 their notice. 
 
 I would not be supposed, however, to 
 glance only with careless indifference at this 
 most essential part of the qualifications of a 
 mother ; because no one can feel more fully 
 persuaded than myself, that it is the only ba- 
 sis of all good morals, and of all good influ- 
 ence ; nor have I even imagined what mo- 
 tives to propose, or what arguments to use, 
 in addressing a mother unconvinced of this 
 great fundamental truth that without a re- 
 ligious foundation, there is no education wor- 
 thy of the name. Thus, if I have not direct- 
 ly urged the importance of a change of heart 
 on the part of the mother, it has been because 
 I considered the subject too extensive in its 
 relations, and too profound in its interests, to 
 find an appropriate place in a work of this 
 
 description not because I believed it possible 
 for a mother to train up her child in the way 
 he should go, without being in her own char- 
 acter a consistent Christian. 
 
 It is, however, a lamentable fact, that the 
 children of pious parents sometimes deviate 
 widely from the path of wisdom and of peace ; 
 that while strictly guarded from the vices of 
 the world, they sometimes give way to se- 
 cretly cherished faults ; and sometimes, under 
 the influence of a sort of worldly-righteous- 
 ness, wear an outward aspect of religion, 
 without possessing its inward and spiritual 
 life. 
 
 It becomes then an important question 
 whether there may not have been some de- 
 fect on the part of the parents ? It is possi- 
 ble they may have failed in faith, or they may 
 have failed in prayer; but they may also 
 have failed in the adaptation of means to 
 the end proposed ; they may have failed 
 in knowledge, in consideration, or in com- 
 mon sense, and these are instances which 
 come more immediately under our notice 
 here. 
 
 They may have failed from ignorance of 
 the world, and of human nature ; for it is 
 possible to be too guarded, too exclusive, and 
 too strict in their requirements ; because we 
 never can do good by attempting to crush 
 nature ; and it should always be borne in 
 mind, that the work of grace is to operate 
 upon nature, not to extinguish it. 
 
 Some parents, again, are extremely solicit- 
 ous to guard their children from all external 
 harm from all infection from without ; but 
 are forgetful of the diseases which lurk with- 
 in the human heart, and which in such cases 
 not unfrequently assume the character of 
 hypocrisy or spiritual pride ; for where a 
 child is scrupulously kept from association 
 with others, from reading their books, and 
 sharing in their amusements, it is perfectly 
 natural that, without great care, it should 
 learn to consider itself too good to be their 
 companion. 
 
 Where a child enjoys the privilege of see- 
 ing constantly exemplified in its mother's 
 character, the beauty of Christian meekness,
 
 ON RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE. 
 
 115 
 
 it will be less likely to fall into this error ; 
 but where the mother is forward in her re- 
 ligious profession, loud in her condemnation 
 of the world, and quick to judge and to con- 
 demn, there is little hope that the characters 
 of her children will be adorned with that 
 pearl beyond all price a meek and quiet 
 spirit. 
 
 There is something too much opposed to 
 meekness in the spirit of the times in which 
 we live ; and it is the duty of the mother, 
 among her other calculations, to take into ac- 
 count the peculiar tone of popular feeling, 
 and the tendency of social habits and modes 
 of thinking which prevail throughout the 
 circle in which she moves, in order that her 
 children maybe fitted for situations of use- 
 fulness in this world, as well as for enjoying 
 the reward of the righteous in the world to 
 come. 
 
 I have often had occasion to observe, that 
 the tendency of the present times is to look 
 to obvious display, and immediate results, in 
 every thing we undertake ; and in nothing is 
 this more striking, than in our religious du- 
 ties. There is a great deal of profession ; 
 a great deal of going to church and chapel ; 
 a great deal of flocking to hear popular 
 preachers ; a great deal of dependence upon 
 outward means ; a great deal of the hurry 
 and the business of religion, with but little 
 time for the secret examination of the heart ; 
 and hence there follows a danger of our com- 
 ing to consider religion, rather as something 
 performed, than as something experienced; 
 hence also, there follows a degree of indif- 
 ference with regard to those minor points of 
 domestic morals, which tell for nothing before 
 the world, but which are, in their strictness 
 and conformity to the Divine law, as much 
 the fruits of the Spirit, as the zeal of the 
 missionary, or the public labors of the phi- 
 lanthropist. 
 
 It can scarcely be expected of men, that 
 they should pause from those public avoca- 
 tions which so much occupy all classes of 
 society in the present day, to regard these 
 apparently trifling matters ; nor indeed have 
 they the peculiar talent, or character of mind 
 
 which would qualify them for minute obser- 
 vation in this sphere of duty ; but we do look 
 :o women, and to mothers especially, to see 
 that religion is not performed in the sanctua- 
 ry, and praised on the platform, while the 
 world is in reality the household god which 
 presides over the domestic hearth the world 
 n its fair, and plausible, and reputable char- 
 acter that world which has kindly come 
 forward and taken religion by the hand, and 
 prophesied smooth things, and said, let us 
 walk to the house of God in company, and 
 take sweet counsel together that world 
 which, with all its specious promises, its pat- 
 ronage, its fellowship, and its support, is still 
 but the world, and never can be made a sub- 
 stitute for the humbling, heart-searching in- 
 fluence of true and spiritual religion. 
 
 Especially the mother must be watchful 
 of her own life and conduct in this respect. 
 It is not merely by talking exclusively about 
 sermons, ministers, or Sunday schools, that 
 a stand can be made against the encroach- 
 ments of the world to which I allude. Since 
 religious persecution of an open character 
 has been discountenanced by the laws of our 
 land, since it has become respectable nay, 
 genteel to be religious, there has existed a 
 very natural tendency to indulge in a kind 
 of religious gossip, essentially worldly in its 
 spirit and character, which with many per- 
 sons is made to fill up the spare moments 
 of the Sabbath, and is mistaken for suitable 
 and even edifying conversation. I do not 
 say that the subjects alluded to should be 
 excluded from social intercourse. Far from 
 it ; for they are subjects which very properly 
 lie near to the heart devoted to the service 
 of its heavenly Master ; but there is a world- 
 ly manner in which such subjects are some- 
 times entered into, which dwells only upon 
 the outward and material aspect of religious 
 life, and which has as little relation to the 
 work of the Holy Spirit in regenerating the 
 heart, as if the actual dress and manners ol 
 a congregation, met for purposes of worship 
 were made the theme of a Sabbath day's 
 discourse. 
 It is for the mother to exemplify by her
 
 116 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 whole life, that she drinks at a well of deep- 
 er interest in her religious experience from 
 fountains hewn out of the living rock ; and 
 therefore, when she converses upon the 
 common and familiar topics of the day, it 
 will be with a moral in the general tone and 
 spirit of what she says, which can only be 
 derived from her own habitual communion 
 of soul with the Father of spirits. It is for 
 the mother to mix with her family in all so- 
 cial and domestic avocations, not with a strict 
 and exclusive air of superiority, as if holier 
 than the rest, but as one whose presence is 
 more felt than seen, diffusing an influence of 
 meekness, charity, and peace, while it im- 
 parts to every thing that is said and done a 
 tendency to unite, combine, and operate, so 
 as to promote the glory of Him on whose 
 blessing alone she depends for the safety of 
 her children. 
 
 It is often the duty of a mother, and one 
 which ought never to be neglected, to give 
 her time and attention to the mere trifles of 
 the moment Indeed, so pressing are these 
 claims occasionally found, that some well- 
 meaning mothers find no time to go beyond 
 them. There is, however, a scale to be ob- 
 served in the importance we attach to each 
 department of duty, and on the right adjust- 
 ment of this scale depends the good influ- 
 ence of a parent. If, for instance, the mo- 
 ther can rind time to attend to the fitting and 
 forming of a carpet, and none to listen when 
 a child is anxious to hear about the things of 
 eternity, or if she is interested and indignant 
 about the accidental spoiling of a dress, and 
 evinces but little feeling when a child has 
 resisted any strong temptation, it is evident 
 that, in her hands, the moral scale must be 
 very differently adjusted before she can ex- 
 pect her religious influence to be of much 
 benefit to her children. 
 
 There is also a grudging and reluctant 
 manner of giving to the duties of religion 
 their due share of regard, which has a very 
 injurious effect upon the minds of children, 
 for they are quick to observe, not only what 
 is done, but in what spirit we act ; and the 
 peevishness and flurry of temper consequent 
 
 upon a late breakfast on the morning of the 
 Sabbath, with the tumultuous preparation of 
 a family for their usual well-dressed appear- 
 ance at a place of worship, is scarcely tb be 
 preferred to the indifference which would al- 
 low them all to remain at home. For harsh 
 words are apt to be spoken at such times, 
 and mutual reproaches thrown out among 
 the parties most to blame, while, as a natural 
 consequence, all things go wrong, because 
 there has been no time for preparing them to 
 go right. Perhaps, in the midst of all this, 
 a mockery of family worship is performed, 
 and the child who has just heard its father 
 speak in tones of anger and reproach, has to 
 kneel down and join with him in prayer. 
 
 With the mother, then, rests the practical 
 duty of exhibiting, by her own self-denying 
 conduct, her supreme regard for religion, 
 both in her heart and her household. Who- 
 ever chooses to be idle or negligent, she must 
 be early prepared ; and as it is much easier 
 to go to church than to give up a selfish in- 
 clination, she must convince her children 
 that this sacrifice is not too much for her to 
 make. There may be many motives not al- 
 together pure in themselves, to induce, in 
 the present day, an outward observance of 
 religious duties ; but when the mother of a 
 family, whose whole life is consistent with 
 her Christian profession, rises the earliest in 
 the household, though perhaps in her own 
 frame the weakest ; when she is always pre- 
 pared in a cheerful and quiet spirit to meet 
 the requirements of the day and hour, though 
 perhaps having more to think of and arrange 
 than any other member of the family ; when 
 she, in her own person, has done her part to 
 remove obstacles and smooth the way, that 
 others may tread more softly on the path of 
 duty ; when she has put away every selfish 
 feeling, and done all this for months and 
 years in the true spirit of Christian and ma- 
 ternal love, I believe it will not be found in 
 the hearts of her children to resist the solemn 
 working of so holy and so powerful an in- 
 fluence. 
 
 I have said that the eye of childhood is 
 quick to observe the spirit of what we do, as
 
 ON RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE. 
 
 117 
 
 well as the acts we perform ; and in nothing 
 is this more evident than in the general 
 service which the Christian is called upon to 
 render to the cause of the Redeemer on earth. 
 That God is love, is at once the most sublime, 
 and the most important truth which can be 
 impressed upon the mind of youth. We all 
 know that this truth is often told ; but how 
 is it exemplified to the credulous and inex- 
 perienced? Alas! what an amount of dolor- 
 ous lamentations over sin and sorrow, com- 
 pared with the real rejoicings which we hear 
 in the mercy and goodness of God, and 
 especially in the means of salvation so freely 
 offered to the sinner ! What threatenings of 
 Divine wrath against the guilty ; what talk 
 about religion, in seasons of distress ; what 
 pointing to that consolation, in the absence 
 of all other ; but what neglect of the same 
 means for sanctifying our enjoyments, by 
 referring them to the great Source of all 
 human happiness ! 
 
 Sorrow and sin are made powerful instru- 
 ments in enforcing convictions of religious 
 truth ; but ought not joy to have its share, 
 more especially as vice lays hold of joy as its 
 instrument on every hand 1 for how can we 
 expect that the young should be attracted by 
 that which is always associated with gloom, 
 when they see, on the other hand, that its 
 opposite is associated with cheerfulness and 
 mirth 1 It is in after life, when we seek 
 a refuge for our grief, when we ask a shelter 
 for our chagrin, and a hiding-place for our 
 tears, that nothing seems so welcome to us 
 as the shadow of a mighty rock in a weary land. 
 Youth knows none of these sad yearnings of 
 the heart. The future* is bright, .and the 
 present full of joy, to those who are just 
 setting out upon the journey of life ; and 
 therefore that which offers them the happiness 
 of a world to come, only as a substitute for 
 the enjoyments of this, cannot be expected to 
 recommend itself to their natural affections. 
 
 But what is the joy of a child ? Is it not 
 a beautiful and a holy thing] and why should 
 it then be associated only with toys and 
 laughter 1 The joy of a child is that which 
 the world is too poor to restore, when once 
 
 it has been extinguished. It comes directly 
 from the hand of God, so lovely and so pure, 
 that for the brief space of its enjoyment upon 
 earth, it does good to the heart of the weary, 
 and revives the hope of the fainting, by re- 
 flecting a light which they know must be 
 from heaven, and which they believe to be 
 still shining on, in more perfect refulgence 
 there. The joy of a child is so ecstatic, so 
 self-existent, and so unbounded, that it seems 
 to belong simply to the young fresh life with 
 which its existence commences, and requires 
 little beyond that existence to render it com- 
 plete. Thus it is perfectly true, that even 
 when deprived of the love and the care of 
 its mother, the child will at times be happy 
 still. It may even laugh, and make merry, 
 in the chamber of sickness where her life is 
 ebbing away nay, it will sometimes play in 
 the churchyard before the grass has grown 
 upon her grave. But though the mother 
 cannot always create the joy of her child, 
 she may influence and direct it : and though 
 it will at times be happy, whether she makes 
 it so or not, she may use this strong impulse 
 of its nature, so as to lead it to rejoice in 
 what is lovely, good, and kind ; and, as it 
 advances in knowledge and experience, in 
 that which may be associated either imme- 
 diately or remotely with the Divine nature 
 and attributes. 
 
 There is a great difference betwixt rejoicing 
 because of receiving a new toy ; and because 
 of having spent, for the first time, a whole 
 day without being out of temper. There is 
 a great difference betwixt rejoicing because 
 of a holiday ; and because a poor family have 
 been supplied with the comfort of a winter's 
 fire. There is a great difference betwixt 
 rejoicing because invited to a party; and 
 because permitted to attend in the chamber 
 of a sick relative or friend. The sensations 
 of joy may be equal in all these occasions, 
 but the exciting causes are so different in 
 their nature, as to produce a widely different 
 effect upon the moral feelings. It is thus 
 throughout the whole of human experience. 
 The natural impulse of early youth is to be 
 happy ; but without proper direction, this
 
 118 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 impulse may be entirely trifled away, or it 
 may even be expended upon objects which 
 ought never to awaken gladness in the human 
 breast. 
 
 From the quick susceptibilities of women 
 and children, and the strong sympathies 
 which exist between a mother and a child, it 
 is not difficult for her to give a powerful and 
 lasting bias to the young minds committed to 
 her care, so as permanently to fix their ideas 
 of attractiveness or repulsion, of beauty or 
 deformity, of happiness or misery, of good or 
 | evil ; and upon this foundation rests the 
 whole character ; for what we admire we 
 naturally aim at, what we love we naturally 
 seek, and what we have learned to regard as 
 essential to our enjoyment, we naturally 
 desire to possess. 
 
 Were it possible for any human heart to 
 be so far laid open as to reveal its earliest im- 
 pressions of that first bias which its simple 
 likings and dislikings received from a mother, 
 what a page would be unfolded for the in- 
 struction and benefit of parents ! Perhaps, 
 for instance, it might be a feeling of disgust 
 and indignation exhibited against some poor 
 insect, with a triumphing and delight in the 
 power of being able to destroy it ; and the 
 same mother might wonder, as her children 
 grew up, that they should be fond of killing 
 animals : she might reason with them, plead 
 with them, and all to no purpose ; for the 
 strong impression would have been made 
 by her own countenance and expressions, 
 and though her after reasoning might con- 
 vince, that impression would remain as vivid 
 as ever. 
 
 I have selected this instance, because it 
 was the first which presented itself; but it is 
 only one among thousands of a similar na- 
 ture, which are daily occurring. I do not 
 say that animals should not be killed, or that 
 children should be taught to shrink with a 
 morbid sensibility from the necessity of de- 
 stroying them. It is the manner in which 
 such things are done, which conveys the 
 moral to the mind of a child ; and wherever 
 there is evidently a feeling of victory, tri- 
 umph, and joy, associated with the act of 
 
 killing, on the part of a mother, her children 
 will be in danger of growing up cruel in their 
 sports, if not pitiless to suffering in general. 
 
 Again, we mako a serious mistake, when 
 we trust to argument and conviction for ef- 
 facing impressions which have been made in 
 what, to children, is a much more forcible 
 manner. A child learns to feel, long before 
 it learns to reason. There are innumerable 
 chords of feeling with which its young life is 
 interwoven, which cannot be touched with- 
 out producing a corresponding impression 
 upon its mind ; and thus, wherever a strong 
 bias lias been received, it can only be coun- 
 teracted by a stronger, made through the 
 same medium of sympathies, and their con- 
 sequent impressions. 
 
 To continue the illustration already giv- 
 en, I repeat, that neither argument nor en- 
 treaty would have the desired effect, because 
 they would not reach the feelings through 
 the same medium ; but an ingenious mother, 
 who had the power of ascertaining from 
 what circumstances in relation to her own 
 conduct the impression had been made, 
 would see that the task was not hopeless, 
 so long as she was able to carry the sympa- 
 thies of her children along with her. She 
 would, therefore, begin, without any direct 
 reference to the question of cruelty, to inter- 
 est her children in the habits and characters 
 of animals in general, and when a suitable 
 occasion should offer, she would endeavor to 
 render especially interesting, those of the par- 
 ticular class against which she had exercised 
 a spirit of cruelty. If a woman of philo- 
 sophic mind, she would probably enlarge up- 
 on its natural history, the curious construc- 
 tion of its frame, and its beautiful adaptation 
 to circumstances of climate and food ; or if 
 a woman of playful fancy, she would proba- 
 bly rivet the attention, and work upon the 
 feelings of her children, by giving them a 
 little history of its social habits, its enjoyment 
 of home and family, 'its protection of its 
 young, and the suffering and distress which 
 would ensue from its untimely death ; and, 
 in all probability, this method of producing 
 an impression would be found the best.
 
 ON RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE. 
 
 119 
 
 But we must recur again to the same dif- 
 ficulty ; because we do not and cannot know, 
 exactly, how all the impressions upon the 
 mind of a child are made ; and therefore it is 
 the more important that the mother should 
 be watchful in the extreme, of her own con- 
 duct 
 
 Let us take another illustration of the 
 same subject, and suppose that a mother 
 has been most careful in her religious in- 
 struction, and even exemplary in her own 
 general habits ; but that there happens with 
 her, as with many, to be one prevailing 
 weakness, which she makes no effort to 
 overcome it consists in too high an estimate 
 of the wealthy and the great, simply because 
 they are such. Her child who has not learn- 
 ed this lesson of worldly wisdom, is interest- 
 ed in behalf of a poor man, whose conduct 
 has not been altogether correct ; but the mo- 
 ther expresses a degree of righteous indigna- 
 tion against him, which the child is without 
 difficulty made to understand and sympa- 
 thize in. In the midst of this discussion, a 
 carriage adorned with a coronet stops at the 
 door. A wealthy and titled lady is ushered 
 into the apartment, and received by the mo- 
 ther with every demonstration of admiration 
 and esteem. The usual civilities take place ; 
 and the mother, even after her guest has de- 
 parted, expatiates with enthusiastic delight 
 upon the graciousness of the interview, and 
 her hope of its being renewed. This titled 
 lady, however, is not more exemplary than 
 the poor man. The child knows it, for her 
 conversation has sufficiently betrayed a 
 worldly or a selfish character ; and the 
 child learns from this lesson, that religion 
 requires a stricter code of morals in the poor, 
 than the rich ; and that a certain degree of 
 laxity of sentiment may pass unquestioned 
 through the world, because it travels with a 
 coach-and-four. 
 
 It is possible I may have described rather 
 an extreme case, yet I feel not the less confi- 
 dent, that circumstances of a similar nature 
 are transpiring every day, from which chil- 
 dren, and young people generally, imbibe no- 
 tions, and receive impressions, from our con- 
 
 duct, wholly at variance -with the principles 
 we are endeavoring to lay down for theirs ; 
 and that it is only by looking narrowly, and 
 with searching eye, into the character of our 
 whole lives taking the Bible, and not the 
 opinion of the world, not even that of the re- 
 ligious world, for our guide that we can 
 maintain that high standard of Christian 
 morals, without which religion must ever be 
 an empty name. 
 
 And here I must observe, as we all do at 
 different times, and often with humiliation 
 and pain, that there are certain sins, or rather 
 certain faults, which mankind appear to have 
 agreed together to indulge. Selfishness may 
 fairly be classed among these. We hear 
 many sins denounced as heinous, but we sel- 
 dom hear of a man's Christianity being call- 
 ed in question because he is selfish. The 
 cause is evident. We are all selfish, more 
 or less. We choose to be so, arid therefore 
 it is greatly for our interest that this particu- 
 lar sin should be thought little of. 
 
 But the Christian mother knows that al- 
 though the religion of the world may take 
 little cognizance of this fault, or of many oth- 
 ers of the same description, the religion of 
 Jesus is as much opposed to what is evil in 
 one form, as in another ; and that it was es- 
 pecially the business of the Saviour while on 
 earth, to denounce those abuses which had 
 crept into society under the sanction of a 
 pretended zeal for the true religion. The 
 Christian mother knows that it is not for man, , 
 or woman either, to measure and compute 
 the degrees of evil, so as to calculate what 
 sin may be indulged with the least offence. ; 
 The righteous law of God admits of no such 
 comparison. Sin is sin wherever it exists ; 
 and we have as much need to pray to be 
 cleansed from secret faults, as from those 
 transgressions which stamp with disgrace our 
 character and name. 
 
 Finally, it is good for all who have children 
 committed to their care, to dwell often in their 
 secret thoughts upon the name of mother 
 upon what it means, upon what it compre- 
 hends, and upon the deep feelings with which 
 it is associated. " Take me back to my mo-
 
 120 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 ther," is the prayer of the lost child ; and 
 there is an echo to this prayer in the bosom 
 of every wanderer from the ways of virtue, 
 whose mother has been his early guide along 
 the path of righteousness and peace. " I will 
 go, and make confession to my mother," is 
 the impulse of the child who has done wrong ; 
 and that impulse remains the same in after 
 life, when conviction comes home to the alien- 
 ated heart, and memory brings again the 
 scenes of cherished infancy, with all the ten- 
 der solicitude, and all the anxious warnings, 
 of an affectionate mother. " My mother 
 would have pitied my mother would have 
 loved me," is the thought of the orphan suf- 
 ferer, when the treatment of strangers is re- 
 pulsive or unkind ; and who shall set limits 
 to this natural yearning of the heart, or say 
 at what stage of experience it will cease to 
 exist ? But again, " My mother will help 
 me," is the exulting exclamation when assail- 
 ed by the first difficulties of life ; and happy 
 are they, whether children, or more advanced 
 in years, who can fly back to a sheltered 
 home, and claim the assistance of a mother ! 
 But it would be impossible to trace out one 
 by one the various modes, all tender, all en- 
 dearing, and all calculated to supply the 
 wants of nature, in which the name of mo- 
 ther operates upon the human heart; and 
 perhaps we understand this Dest when we 
 regard her character as a whole a beautiful 
 and perfect whole ; for I believe it is chiefly 
 in this manner that mankind have been led 
 into the worship of her, who knew not, and 
 assumed not, more than the common nature 
 of a woman. They have been led to seek 
 for something beyond themselves, to which 
 they could appeal something as human, but 
 far more perfect, and more holy some being 
 whose eye would look kindly, and whose soul 
 would pity, even when utterly degraded ; 
 who would speak the language of forgive- 
 ness, without reproach in its tone ; who 
 would stand between the sinner and his of- 
 fended God, and plead for him, because of 
 his weakness ; who would not turn away 
 from him on the ground of his many and re- 
 peated transgressions ; but would bear with 
 
 him because he was human, and beset with 
 temptations and therefore I repeat, that be- 
 ing directed by nature to look for all this in 
 the character of a mother, the revelation 
 which came to exhibit that which nature de- 
 manded, in the person of a Saviour a man 
 of sorrows and acquainted with grief, who 
 became in all respects like one of us was 
 rejected as insufficient for the wants of hu- 
 manity ; and the natural heart went yearn- 
 ing back to deify the humble Mary, simply 
 because she was a woman, and a mother. 
 
 Let those who mock at this worship think 
 of its deep moral. We learn from the poor 
 heathen, when he bows down to his sense- 
 less idol, when he makes confession before 
 it, and atonement to appease its offended 
 majesty, that there is a principle implanted 
 in his nature, which leads him to look beyond 
 himself, and beyond the range of common 
 sympathy, for something by which what is 
 wrong will be condemned, and what is right 
 approved ; but, above all, guilty and igno- 
 rant, and debased as he is, he looks for some 
 power or principle from whence a sense of 
 safety, and even of forgiveness, may be deriv- 
 ed ; and we read in all this, the natural and 
 often polluted worship of the heart, an im- 
 perfect shadowing forth of what human na- 
 ture in its weakness and its urgent necessity 
 requires. And shall we be less quick to read 
 in the mistaken worship just alluded to, that 
 the name of mother, with all its tender and 
 all its beautiful associations, conveys to the 
 human heart the most perfect realization it 
 is possible to conceive, of all it needs to 
 supply its simple human necessities 1 
 
 I have said that the high ideas we attach 
 to the name of mother, depend upon the 
 perfection of her character as a whole ; but 
 by this I do not mean that the mother should 
 be faultless ; because such an assertion would 
 at once defeat the object for which I write. 
 In the religious instruction of her children, 
 the mother will have found it necessary to 
 prepare them not to look for perfection in 
 any human form ; but rather to expect that 
 among the best of human beings there will 
 be faults, while among the worse there will
 
 ON RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE. 
 
 121 
 
 occasionally be something to commend. She 
 will have taught them, that it is the state of 
 the heart before God, upon which their eter- 
 nal safety depends ; and as an illustration 
 of this, she will doubtless have directed their 
 attention to the character of David, in whose 
 history is beautifully exemplified the weak- 
 ness of human nature, with that sincerity of 
 repentance, and that entire reliance upon 
 Divine instruction and support, by which 
 alone the path of safety can be regained after 
 it has once been forsaken. 
 
 I have already said that what is done by 
 a mother is of infinite importance to her chil- 
 dren, because a single fault indulged on her 
 part, may impart its character to their whole 
 lives, and spread through circle after circle 
 of influence, widening on, and still extending, 
 long after she herself has been gathered to 
 her last earthly home. But since we are all 
 human, and since the brightest examples of 
 earthly excellence are shadowed by some 
 cloud, and obscured by some defect, the mo- 
 ther has no need to be discouraged as regards 
 her religious influence, so long as her heart 
 is right with God ; because there will be a 
 spirit pervading her whole life, to which her 
 children will not be insensible ; 'and even her 
 very struggles against what is wrong, and her 
 sincere repentance, may be more effectual in 
 their influence upon her children, than if they 
 beheld her in all things perfect ; because they 
 would then have doubts whether she couJd 
 feel for their trials, and sympathize in their 
 temptations. 
 
 Indeed I have often thought, that if reli- 
 gious people in general were more willing 
 than they are to confess, in the true spirit of 
 Christian meekness, wherein they have done 
 wrong, it would be better both for themselves 
 and for those around them. A general, and 
 I believe a very sincere lamentation over 
 their errors and short-comings, we frequent- 
 ly hear ; but it is to be feared that a natu- 
 ral desire to maintain a certain kind of dignity 
 before the world, a dread of their character 
 being sullied by the slightest stain, and the 
 exemption usually conceded to them, from 
 all minute inspection of their habitual con- 
 
 duct, beyond a certain boundary-line of con- 
 sistency, all tend to operate against those free 
 and humble acknowledgments of individual 
 and particular error, which do good in a 
 twofold manner first, by placing us in the 
 position of being pledged to amend the fault 
 we have confessed ; and secondly, by con- 
 vincing others that we do not believe our- 
 selves more perfect than we are ; and that, 
 consequently, when we labor with them for 
 their own improvement, it is with no spirit 
 of dictation, as if holier than they. 
 
 A character, shrouded from inspection, 
 whose faults are neither confessed by their 
 possessor, nor hinted at by others, is in im- 
 minent danger of learning to consider them 
 as no faults at all ; or of continuing to indulge 
 in them, from a belief that they are not ob- 
 vious to others ; while with regard to the 
 faults which have been confessed, the sincere 
 Christian retains no plea for their continu- 
 ance they must be given up, or the sincerity 
 of his desire after a holier life naturally falls 
 under suspicion. It is good, then, even for 
 the deeply experienced Christian, to endeavor 
 to set this hedge about his path ; and it is 
 especially good for the mother of a family, to 
 prove to her children that she is not blind to 
 the defects of her own character, and to con- 
 vince them of the sincerity of her repentance 
 when she has done wrong, by her faithful 
 and persevering efforts to do better for the 
 future. 
 
 By this mode of conduct, I believe that a 
 more intimate union of feeling, and especial- 
 ly of religious feeling, might be established 
 between the mother and her children, than 
 ever can be attained where there is an at- 
 tempt to appear infallible before the searching 
 eye of youth ; and while the mother exhibits 
 in her own character this strong evidence of 
 Christian meekness, she will draw within 
 the circle of her influence all those relative 
 associations which belong to the real state of 
 human beings upon earth to the weakness 
 of man, and the forgiveness of God to the 
 repentance of the sinner, and the mercy on 
 which alone he depends to the refuge of 
 prayer, and the promises of the Gospel.
 
 122 
 
 THE MOTHERS OF ENGLAND. 
 
 The mother would, by this means, more 
 effectually encourage her children in believing 
 that though we have sinned, and come short 
 ofthe requirements of a just and righteous law, 
 there is a pardon, full and free, offered for 
 the acceptance of all ; and that it is not by 
 justifying ourselves in the sight either of man 
 or God, that we can escape condemnation ; 
 but by coming, again and again, and not the 
 less because we have erred and strayed from 
 the right way, to weep at the feet of the 
 Saviour, renew our resolutions at the foot- 
 stool of mercy, and to ask if there is not yet a 
 blessing left for the suppliant, who knows 
 not where else to implore it 
 
 It is scarcely possible to conclude a chap- 
 ter on a subject of such importance as that 
 of religious influence, without one word ad- 
 dressed to those mothers who have never re- 
 garded it as a question of vital moment, 
 whether they had any religious influence or 
 not ; but as it may chance that some eye will 
 glance over these pages, which has never 
 learned to look beyond the interests of the 
 present life, I would ask, seriously and affec- 
 tionately, what is that future for which we 
 are all preparing 1 ! Is it the meridian of life? 
 No ; that can scarcely be, for hope, in the 
 noontime of existence, is as busy with the hu- 
 man heart as at its early dawn, and the fu- 
 ture still the future is the promised reward 
 of every undertaking the echo of every as- 
 piration of the soul. Is it then for gray 
 hairs, and old age 1 No ; that is still less 
 probable, for half the occupations in which 
 mankind engage would be useless, if that 
 were the only end at which we aimed. But 
 is it for death and the grave ! " Ah ! no," 
 you answer, with a shudder, " we know that 
 death must come, but we banish it from our 
 
 thoughts, because we cannot bear to look up- 
 OH it as the consummation of all we wish, 
 and strive for ' to attain.' " 
 
 Alas! what a melancholy fate is theirs, 
 who live only to sail down the stream of 
 pleasure towards a point of destiny, for 
 which they make it no part of their duty to 
 prepare! But what shall we say when the 
 mother not only hurries along this course 
 herself, but takes along with her the choicest 
 treasure committed to her trust, for whose 
 temporary safety she would almost sacrifice 
 her life ] 
 
 We can only say, that if all other beings 
 had been reckless of future destiny, we 
 should have looked to the mother, with her 
 natural yearning for the welfare of her child, 
 to have eagerly appropriated those promis- 
 es of eternal happiness. which are set forth 
 in the Gospel, as necessary for her peace of 
 mind in relation to her child, if not to her- 
 self; and as the last of many earnest and 
 affectionate appeals, I would urge her once 
 again to implore the protection of Him who 
 alone can effectually shield from danger the 
 motherless and the orphan, and who, when 
 she no longer fills the place of a parent upon 
 earth, can receive her beloved ones into the 
 bosom of eternal rest 
 
 It is for the mother to ponder these things 
 well, and to ask of her own heart whether 
 the conditional offers of everlasting safety 
 which the Gospel holds out, though encour- 
 aging, important, and necessary for herself, 
 are not a hundred-fold more valuable, when 
 they bring with them what her tenderest so- 
 licitude could never have procured, in the 
 salvation of her child, and in her indissoluble 
 union through all eternity, with those whose 
 affections constituted her happiness on earth.

 
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