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WHAT HAVE WE GOTt 
 
WHAT HAVE WE GOT? 
 
 OR, 
 
 A 
 
 POETICO-POLITICAL MORCEAU. 
 
 FRAGMENT I. 
 
 BY 
 
 C'urandum imprimis, ne magna injuria fiat 
 
 Fortibus et miseris, tollas licet omne quod usquam est 
 
 Auri atque argenti." — Juv. 
 
 Gens epulata Toris." — Virg. 
 
 LONDON: 
 PRINTED FOR JAMES ILBERY 
 
 13titi$l) anD iForct'sn aibran', 
 
 TITCHKIKI.D STl'.KKT, CAVKNDISH SQUARE. 
 
 1820. 
 
W. SHACKELL, Printer, 
 Johnson's-court, Fleet-street, London. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 Though I have no vote of my own, being 
 of the number of those who are told by very 
 grave authorities, that they are perfec ly well 
 represented in parliament by the members they 
 do not chuse ; yet as I have much pleasure in 
 seeing an important duty faithfully discharg- 
 ed, I accompanied a friend, whose house is 
 divided from mine by a partition half a brick 
 thick, which separates and shuts me out from the 
 liberties of Westminster, on his going to' the 
 hustings in Covent Garden at the late election, to 
 give his constitutional and conscientious suifrage 
 for the man of his unbiassed preference. I was 
 
 M8'i846 
 
returning highly pleased with the triumph 
 of his reception, and regretting not a little the 
 odious party-wall that excluded me from a par- 
 ticipation in it, when in the act of disengag- 
 ing myself from the joyous multitude, I was 
 struck full in the front by a missile of some 
 sort, but at the moment I could not distinguish 
 what, whether a bunch of rosemary, or 7nint, 
 or rue, or any of the other flowers of rhetoric 
 with which the eloquence of these periods is so 
 frequently illustrated, (and from which the seeds 
 of disco7itent are sometimes dropped among the 
 unthinking mob,) or one of the brick-bats or 
 stones raked up from the plain of Petersfield, 
 and rolled forward by the irresistible flood of 
 my Lord C h's overwhelming declama- 
 tion, from the collision of which, unaccompa- 
 nied with one scintilla of evidence, burst a flash 
 of astonishment which electrified the house and 
 nation. Something equally alarming, formid- 
 
Vll 
 
 able, and portentous I judged it to be ; but 
 first impressions, as his Lordship will acknow- 
 ledge, are often fallacious : so I found them. 
 My consternation, like that of himself and his 
 colleagues, soon vanished, and was succeeded 
 by a sudden consciousness of shame and morti- 
 fication at having been the easy dupe of my 
 own credulity. No Ajacean rock, no quadru- 
 pedalian bludgeon, no scarlet dagger, not even 
 a tuft of celery or penny-royal, no — on a nearer 
 view of the object of my dismay, which had 
 fallen at my feet, it appeared of quite a different, 
 though somewhat equivocal complexion ; a mere 
 harmless piece of paper. After a short strug- 
 gle between pride and inclination, indignation 
 and curiosity, I stooped down to pick it up, 
 and found it presented the appearance of a 
 manuscript of considerable length, breadth, 
 thickness and depth, and which from its colour, 
 flavour, and other indications, (except tbat its 
 
Vlll 
 
 form, if indeed, reducible to any mathematical 
 figure, was rather rhomboidal than cylindrical,) 
 might have been presumed to have been pur- 
 loined from among the relics of antiquity, which 
 have lain so many years in the conservatory 
 ovens of Pompeii. It was not, however, any 
 such thing. I could clearly distinguish that 
 the character was wholly English ; and the 
 first words that struck me on a second appli- 
 cation, were : " What have we got ? or. All 
 our ^^ ^v' ^^ " something, but as the leaf was 
 itself torn, I could not make out the important 
 word which stood next, and have indeed been 
 obliged to supply it from conjecture. " What 
 have we got indeed ?" said I : " only some silly 
 rhapsody, or dull election squib — some maiden 
 speech of a batchelor of laws — or a new farce, 
 called the School for Representatives — or ano- 
 ther scene in the tragedy of the Magistrates 
 Unmasked, got up for the opening of the house, 
 
with new accompaniments and decorations, ban- 
 ners aad recitative, and a prologue, invented, 
 written, and spoken by the Earl of S ." 
 
 Perceiving from the few lines I was enabled 
 to read, that the work seemed to run a good 
 deal in the harmonical, ironical, Byronical, un- 
 canonical manner, so much in vogue, I deter- 
 mined to take it home; and on receiving it 
 from the hands of my valet, properly decrotte, 
 purified and perfumed, I fell seriously to 
 the task of scrutinising, decyphering and 
 transcribing ; for in its original state, however 
 forcibly it had obtruded itself on my eyes, it 
 was in no condition to meet those of the public 
 — bearing as it did such indelible marks of the 
 want of purity in our elections. 
 
 Fortunately for my own credit, and the wel- 
 fare of the present generation, my endeavours 
 
have been more decidedly expeditious, and 
 more eminently successful in their issue, than 
 those of the chemical antiquarian baronet him- 
 self, having brought to light a production of 
 equal originality and brilliance, and superior 
 interest and utility to any of those which have 
 been dug from the scorched entrails of Vesu- 
 vius; a work, in the marrow of which my 
 countrymen will, no doubt, find much more 
 enticing food than in any of the hard-baked 
 rolls of Herculaneum, or the whole granary of 
 Portici. Whatever may be offered, or what- 
 ever I may be disposed to accept, there cannot 
 be a doubt that the rank of Baron of the United 
 Kingdom, with an adequate pension or appoint- 
 ment, is the very smallest reward my exertions 
 can be thought to have merited. But I can 
 assure my reader, I am much above any paltry 
 views or considerations of private aggrandize- 
 ment or pecuniary advantage ; being on this, as 
 
well as on all other trying occasions of this sort, 
 actuated solely by the pure spirit of patriotism. 
 
 To return, however, to the work in question, 
 so far from being torrified to a cinder, and 
 charred with volcanic heat, it shines forth with 
 all the lustre of Truth illuminated with the 
 sparkling emanations of a glowing imagination, 
 and may rival the splendour of the lamp of 
 Aladdin, or that of Sir Humphrey himself. 
 Endowed like the former with the power of 
 spreading its luminous fascination over the 
 dreariest objects, like the latter it is furnished 
 with a precautionary grating of prudential 
 bars, which prevent the dread of explosion 
 among the dangerous damps and noxious ex- 
 halations of corruption, which are too fre- 
 quently elicited in exploring the richest veins 
 of the Constitution. 
 
xn 
 
 As the production of intelligence from mere 
 cyphers, is at best a tedious process, attended 
 with difficulty and labour, I trust I shall be 
 readily excused for the shortness of this speci- 
 men. Whether my numerous and important 
 avocations will admit of my continuing my re- 
 searches, and imparting the fresh treasures of 
 my discoveries, it is impossible for me at present 
 to determine. At all events, I shall always 
 feel proud of having rescued this " beau mor- 
 ceaiP from oblivion. 
 
 Equally happy should I consider myself in 
 doing as much for the author's name, a point on 
 which the reader's curiosity is by this time, no 
 doubt as forcibly excited as my own. But alas ! it 
 is one on which I can give him no satisfactory 
 elucidation. I am but a humble editor, and, like 
 others of the same class, know nothing of my 
 
Author. If I did, I should most probably not 
 be the editor at all. 
 
 After the strictest investigation^ and the most 
 extensive enquiries, pursued with unremitted 
 diligence and indefatigable zeal among the nu- 
 merous literary characters which I have had an 
 opportunity of consulting, I must candidly con- 
 fess I continue in the same state of ignorance 
 as before. The incognito remains inviolate ; 
 there is a mystery hangs over it as thick as upon 
 the deliberations of a cabinet council. All the 
 approaches which the learned have been able 
 to make towards information on this, as well as 
 on so many other topics, are entirely of the 
 negative kind. As thus, it cannot be my liord 
 
 A , for the work contains no sinecurism ; 
 
 nor my Lord B ~, nor Lady Y , for 
 
 it is void of infidelity ; nor my Lord C , as 
 
 it is noi founded upon hyiioihe&c&fundamenta/it/ 
 
XIV 
 
 without foimdation ; nor Sir , as it professes 
 
 nothing chivalrous ; nor Mr. , the meta- 
 physician, for the reasoning is conclusive ; nor 
 
 Mr. , the orator, because the language is 
 
 grammatical ; nor Mr. , the poet, because 
 
 it is not prosaic : — ainsi die reste ; and here the 
 delicate enquiry must rest ; it being left to the 
 perspicacity of the reader to dive as far into 
 the impenetrable secret, as his faculty of gro- 
 ping in the dark will enable him : — and he 
 is hereby invested with full power and 
 authority to take it from whomsoever he 
 chuses, and to give it to whomsoever among 
 the chief writers of this our day he thinks 
 deserving of so great an honour. The satis- 
 faction which readers individually will derive 
 from such adjudications, though they may all 
 be different, and all erroneous, will neverthe- 
 less form a sensible increment to the aggregate 
 pleasure of the perusal. I shall therefore take 
 
my leave, hoping that the reader unknown, 
 and author unknown, will be equally happy 
 in each other's acquaintance, and in order that 
 party spirit may not interfere to disturb it, 
 I shall just add this single observation, that 
 our friend in disguise cannot be a tory, for 
 
 he laughs at Lord L ; nor a whig, for he 
 
 eulogises Lord C ; neither can he be from 
 
 among the radicals, de grege porcmn ; 1st, be- 
 cause those gentlemen, notwithstanding the 
 harmony of (heir numbers, have hitherto given 
 no proofs of their vis poetica, whatever they 
 may have done of their vis inertice ; and, 2dly, 
 because poets never reform, either themselves 
 nor any body else. 
 
WHAT HAVE WE GOTi 
 
 OR, 
 
 ^U our <25loric0» 
 
 I. 
 
 How strange the question one so often hears, 
 A question that creates no small sensation, 
 
 A question dinned so often in our ears. 
 
 What have we got ? — in ail our tribulation. 
 What staff of Hope ? what crutch of Consolation? 
 What individually or as a nation ? 
 
 Deluged with seas of blood and streams of tears, 
 
 From early infancy to riper years ; 
 
 What have we got ? Is still the exclamation : 
 Of all our woes what mighty mitigation? 
 
 Why — I'll inform you what we 've got — and so 
 
 What we have not — more easily you'll know. 
 
II. 
 
 First then — we've got, — and let it not alarm ye, 
 Now that a time of the profoundest peace is, 
 
 With not one mortal enemy to harm ye, 
 And Janus has hid both his ugly faces ; 
 
 We've got — the finest, prettiest standing Army 
 Ail covered o'er with laurels and gold laces : 
 
 Laces of real gold, I hope, since they 
 
 Cost us nine million pounds a year — they say. 
 
 III. 
 
 A navy too of gallant ships we've got, 
 
 No more out-thundering the roaring deep, 
 
 Nor wearing their smooth bottoms out, — (God wot!) 
 But on the smoother breast of Thames asleep 
 
 Or in the Sound a — breeding the dry rot : 
 Yet since the empire of the Seas they keep, 
 
 And only cost four millions to a tittle, 
 
 'Tis much — you're going to say, — 'tis much— -too 
 little 
 
IV. 
 
 Then we've an Ordnance with its bouncing guns 
 Lying so orderly in Woolwich Warren, 
 
 Pleading their services, like sturdy duns. 
 Domestic services as well as foreign ; — 
 
 Some think their claim prodigiously outruns 
 
 Their pay ; some it falls short by many a florin, 
 
 Costing us hut two millions as I guess, 
 
 A few odd pounds and shillings more or less — I 
 
 V. 
 
 Variety we've got of wild romances, 
 Causing too oft disorder in the brain ; 
 
 But the most admirable of our fancies, 
 
 (Now we've done conquering France and Spain, 
 
 By treaties, subsidies, and alliances,) 
 
 Is the perplexity of our finances ; 
 
 How we shall conquer that — is not so plain: 
 
 They saved the Country, — may they not undo it ? 
 
 Unless you pay your debt by adding to it. 
 
VI. 
 
 Then we have got supplies called — miscellaneous, 
 Which no one single head can comprehend ; 
 
 For services intrinsic and extraneous, 
 
 Some to an enemy, — some from a friend ; 
 
 Some durable, and some but momentaneous ; 
 Some without cause, and some without an end.- 
 
 Three small AaZ/" millions satisfy the whole ; 
 
 How many things we do by halves is droll. 
 
 VII. 
 
 A Sinking fund we have ;— some think it real 
 Because the funds are sinking every day ; 
 
 Some think it visionary and ideal. 
 
 Since they have lopt nine tenths of it away ; 
 
 In one thing it is plain that we agree all. 
 
 New debts we make — the old we never pay. 
 
 This our tutamen, decus, and Palladium 
 
 Exit, like all our other schemes in urn. 
 
VIII. 
 
 We've got both ways aud means exceeding various ; 
 
 Ways it is true that want a little mending ; 
 But means unlimited and multifarious, 
 
 The means of mortgaging and lending, 
 
 For ever borrowing and never ending : 
 The means of paying are somewhat precarious, 
 
 Still faster than we get our money, spending. 
 What Millions since we got into this way 
 This may have cost, — is difficult to say. — 
 
 IX. 
 
 A King we've got, oh I no, we had one! — most sagacious, 
 And the long reignedest of all our stories. 
 
 The wisest, virtuousest, and most vivacious ; 
 
 And tho' his whigs somewhat obscure his glories, 
 
 By far the most veracious and tenacious 
 And gracious too, according to His lories : 
 
 Who say, with their assistance, all his time 
 
 He govern'd quite as well as in his prime. 
 
On this, Opinions are diversely stated ; 
 
 Some thinking his a vastly prosperous reign, 
 Others again, disastrous and ill fated : 
 
 Too ready we, to triumph or complain ; 
 Still, with a few extravagancies bated 
 
 And fairly calculated loss and gain 
 We must allow, — but this without offence, 
 'Twas truhj great in one thing — in expense. 
 
 XI. 
 
 No small advantage — since it gives the Minister 
 The means of recompencing the deserving^ 
 
 And should a patriotic rogue or ninny stir 
 To prove how piteously the nation's starving, 
 
 He can extinguish all their croakings sinister 
 Whilst the rich loaves and fishes are a carving : 
 
 When mouths are opened in a hungry mood 
 
 The surest way to stop them— is with food. 
 
XII. 
 
 To one small circumstance I here entreat your 
 
 Particular attention ; for I feel 
 Its vital import to the simplest creature 
 
 The least connected with the common weal : 
 I mean that prominent and ugly feature 
 
 For arbitrary power the intemperate zeal. 
 It has increased — and tho' one reign be finished 
 I fear it will increase— not be diminished. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Dispute who may, yet every body knows, 
 At least all persons who believe their eyes, 
 
 That when one feature, why, suppose the nose 
 Beyond the ordinary standard size, 
 
 In useless disproportioned grandeur grows; 
 The other features cease to harmonize 
 
 And look like features in disgrace, 
 
 That is like creatures out of place, 
 
 Clear as the noses on our faces. 
 
 Indisputably clear the case is. 
 
XIV. 
 
 So in the face political, we spy- 
 That noble eminence we style a King, 
 
 Which as the nasal point we typify, 
 
 As the most prominent and foremost thing. 
 
 Which rising upwards, blinds the civil eye, 
 But downwards if it take too large a swing, 
 
 It then embarrasses the breathing quite, 
 
 And we can neither eat nor drinky nor speak nor bite. 
 
 XV. 
 
 And must we feed this preternatural growth 
 (Ah stubborn ministers will nothing bend 'em !) 
 
 Spread it from lip to lip, from north to south. 
 With a rapidity valde deflendum ? 
 
 Till it dam up that babbling fount the mouth, 
 
 And strike our women, children, and our men dumb? 
 
 These problems now no more our statesmen puzzle. 
 
 When they the bear wou'd worry — first they muzzle. 
 
9 
 
 XVI. 
 
 Oh! 'tis enough the swelling heart to break, 
 
 To think henceforth that neither you nor— more I 
 
 Our sentiments on politicks can speak, 
 For fear of an administrative tory ; 
 
 Unless we wrap them up in Hebrew, Greek, 
 In witty parable or allegory :— 
 
 Our dernier resort and sole ad libitum 
 
 Malum perhaps per se— not yet — malum prohi 
 bitum — 
 
 XVII. 
 
 I like not these restrictions every day : 
 
 One looks so like a ministerial tool, 
 When to discover what to think or say, 
 
 Like C g, one must trot to Liverpool, 
 
 Or asking counsel of Lord C h. 
 
 Run greater risk of looking like a fool. 
 Tho' the advice of neither's worth a groat, 
 It seems they cannot be too dearly bought. 
 
10 
 XVIII. 
 
 Yet down our throats it must be cramm'd en— 
 — tirely against the sense of meetings held on 
 
 Our wrongs and sufferings : Oh ! Illustrious Camden, 
 Which prompted thee to that w^hich was so well 
 done, 
 
 I doubt if 'twould be paralleled by Hampden, 
 And certainly it never will by Eldon ; 
 
 Our Bathursts, Addingtons, our Grenvilles, Ardens — 
 
 Our judges, counsellors, or Cinque Port wardens. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 Ye duller stars ! diminished digni — ties 
 
 Ye knights grand crosses, and ye knights of Pat ; — 
 Ye P — Is, ye P — les, ye P — lets, H — rr bies — 
 
 All ye on fees of office who grow fat, 
 Sly Ari — stoc — rats, nibblers of the cheese 
 — parings — Hide, hide your heads, andthinkof — Pratt! 
 
 No not a name among ye rhymes to that : — 
 And this 'midst all your bills the only Jet 
 Approved by any but yourselves in fact. 
 
11 
 
 XX. 
 
 Come, gentlemen, and take a leaf out of his book, 
 Camden's Britan. hlack letter. No, that's not him, 
 
 'Tis for 0. fairer character you look, 
 Britannia's Camden. Take care not to blot him : 
 
 That's your right paper credit— get by hook 
 Or crook — and keep him when you've got him. 
 
 Many black points in your administration, 
 
 This the sole point (alas !) of Admiratio7i ! ! 
 
 XXI. 
 
 We've got — I know not — have we got a queen? 
 
 And when we had one we w^ere not contented, 
 Tho' in her life, — her written life, I mean 
 
 We see how grievously she is lamented. 
 And since her death 't has visibly been seen 
 
 In those by whom the drawing room's frequented. — 
 How evident it is she must be dear : — 
 She cost one hundred thousand pounds a year ! 
 
12 
 XXII. 
 
 What a poor dowry ! what a bagatelle! 
 
 For the first female of her age and realm. 
 Compelled to live so sumptuously and well, 
 
 And seated near the tiller of the helm 
 That guides the vessel of the state, when swel — 
 
 — ling tempests threaten to o'erwhelm. 
 The most important service to a nation 
 Not always meets with due remuneration I ! 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 Yet if a princess when she first begins 
 Is once magnificently set in jewels, 
 
 'Tis a round sum, methinks, to buy her pins 
 And of lace, lutestrings, lappetings, a few ells 
 
 But then she had. Sir ! to maintain her kins — 
 — folk, and support the honour of our ruelles. 
 
 'Tis hard to hit such matters to a tittle, 
 
 I only wonder how they vote so little. — 
 
13 
 XXIV. 
 
 Surprising 'tis, say authors who crayon her 
 Exalted virtues, and her due acquittance 
 
 Of every grace, — With such demands upon her 
 How she at each fond call cou'd make remittance, 
 
 Uphold her royal dignity and honour, 
 And all on such a miserable pittance. — 
 
 Some dreaded, tho' her daughters went so garish 
 
 She must at last have come upon the parish. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 Further on this superfluous to insist is. 
 Such proofs of raggedness she left behind 
 
 Of which so long and accurate a list is, 
 
 (Containing some of most convincing kind,) 
 
 Preserved by all who purchased them at Christie's ; 
 The' what they brought I cannot bring to mind : 
 
 And those who have these records may well spare 
 'em 
 
 To bind up with the other Acta Reginarum.— 
 
14 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 To her, her Daughters' piety is placed, 
 From filial duty never known to flinch, 
 
 Tho' in their brothers' breasts it seemed effaced: 
 Fine Princesses, Imperial, every inch ! 
 
 And if their little stomachs they would pinch 
 'Twas from the hopes of having a less waist. 
 
 These pressures on the high, there is no harm in ; 
 
 The pressures on the low are more alarming. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 And yet, they've not escaped some small privation 
 
 Duly proportion'd to their mental powers : 
 The sufferings of the great by estimation 
 
 Appear much greater sufferings than ours. 
 What's a neck broken in a humble station ! — 
 But a slight scratch, a simple dislocation 
 
 To one of royal birth ! why — in two hours 
 One half the nation's called to pull it in. 
 The other half to gaze upon the Bullet — in. 
 
15 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 Afflictions some, they had at Windsor sore, 
 
 Nor were they cured although they had their Keio, 
 
 At Palace of St. James's some they bore 
 And at the Gate of Buckingham a few; 
 
 Many at , many at Frogmore. 
 
 And when a transitory joy in view. 
 
 In breathless haste they often had to snatch it ; 
 
 An airing p'rhaps to Maidenhead or Datchet. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 What if the boorish neighbourhood wou'd scoff! 
 
 'Twas sweet to see them, when the day was fine. 
 
 Driven to matins at St. George's shrine 
 With Ladies Elgin, Finch, or Wooronzoff, 
 Looking so grave, when Charlotte used to cough. 
 
 Like the curled tendrils round the Hampton vine : 
 But then so late in life they married olf 
 
 Extinctions threatened to the female line. 
 Ye subject maids beware ! For this was wrong : 
 E'en on a Royal Branch ripe fruit may hang too long 
 
16 
 XXX. 
 
 Their names were like their modest faces, pretty^ 
 And like their actions useful — for they fill'd a 
 
 Great vacuum in the Post : The more's the pity 
 We shou'd forget Sophi, Mary, Matilda:— 
 
 Brilliant appellatives in court and city ! 
 
 Although unknown in Sky and in St. Kilda, 
 
 Where some inhabitants (as I have heard,) 
 
 Live still in happy ignorance of George the Third, 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 Oh what a pleasant sight to see the entry 
 Of a queen consort on her stall regalis I 
 
 What concourse of nobility and gentry ! 
 What pomp raagnifical and triumphalis ! 
 
 Here a duke standing— there a duchess— centry, 
 A spiritual lord here, there a temporalis ! 
 
 Ten snowy-vested virgins to sustain 
 
 Full twice ten ermined ells of purple train ; 
 
 —When shall we look upon the like again ! 
 
17 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 Pray have you ever seen a coronation ? 
 
 How eagerly men run to gaze upon it ? 
 Seen fifty thousand pates in agitation, 
 
 Without a single hat, or cap, or bonnet? 
 Much I fear not ; for in our generation 
 
 Only two heads with us have undergone it ; 
 And few eye-witnesses can now remember 
 The memorable twenty-second of September. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 That day the Sun of Britain, I am told. 
 Gilded the noblest show he ever saw ; 
 
 Marshals, Field-marshals, bravely drest and bold ; 
 The Whigs of Parliament, and wigs of Law; 
 
 Bishops and fiddlers, in black, silk, and gold. 
 Hard to conceive, and difficult to draw : — 
 
 And then such peeping from the upper stories 
 
 To see the King and Queen in all their glories. 
 c 
 
18 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 The military ranged in spruce array 
 
 The populace at intervals belabours ; 
 Not cut and thrust by order, dash away 
 And trample on their friends, as now-a-day, 
 But with the flat side of their rusty sabres; 
 Nor were men sent with broken heads away 
 For meeting on a Monday with a tabor ; 
 Nor had the minister then learnt to tremble 
 Merely at seeing his dear countrymen assemble. 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 Our Constitution every day grows weaker, 
 
 Debilitated, nervous, and hysteric ; 
 So Constitutions do, says a great speaker. 
 
 When they approach their grandest climacteric : 
 Soon past recovery, (adds he,) if you seek her 
 
 Cure in the nostrums of your state empyric, 
 Who for a slight eruption on her skin 
 Cuts at the vitals — slash thro' thick and thin. 
 
19 
 XXXVI. 
 
 No murderous blades upon that day were used 
 Save carvers that beseemed the lordly feast : 
 
 Nor was the King's Bench, nor his court abused 
 By any growling demagogue at least ; 
 
 For there his Majesty himself caroused 
 
 In wassail pomp with prelate, peer and priest : 
 
 There on allegiance banqueted and smiles, 
 
 The happiest monarch of the happiest Isles. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 Britain, that day, put forth the proudest boast 
 The treasury of her native charms supplies. 
 No doubt her native sovereign to surprize ; 
 
 And beauty summoned her resistless host 
 To ply the artillery of blazing eyes ; 
 
 Hibernian, Scottish, but the English most 
 In dexterous archery, bore away the prize. 
 
 How cou'd I say there was no murderous deed, 
 
 When at each shot some stricken heart would bleed- 
 c2 
 
20 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 There was the pert, the pettish, pouting air, 
 The lily forehead, and the lip of ruby ; 
 
 The amber, auburn, and the flaxen hair. 
 
 The black, the bright, the nut-brown, and the fair ; 
 The neck of Spencer, and the breast of Scrooby ; 
 
 My Ladies Sutherland, Kilmore, Kildare, 
 
 Pembroke and Bolingbroke : ah ! such a pair 
 As, or at Paphos or St. James's, few be. — 
 
 Such stratagems, masqued batteries and alarms ! 
 
 Such ambuscades and sharp-shooters in swarms ! 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 The various artifices we are spared. 
 
 And tackle feminine with which they angled ; 
 
 Some in a languishing complexion snared. 
 Some in a cunning mesh of hair entangled. 
 
 Some by a side-long glance caught unprepared. 
 And some on engines hooked and lines new-fangled 
 
 Or simply by a blush-tinged cheek betray'd. 
 
 Or a dove's-breast, or blush-coloured brocade. 
 
21 
 
 XL. 
 
 Such strain suits best the Windsor Muse or Grongar : 
 The sportive wiles of love-inspiring maids. — 
 
 Where are ye now ? Fair maids, I fear no longer, 
 The weak, alas ! descended to the shades, 
 
 Or else to aunts and mothers turned : the stronger 
 
 * As great — great — grandams see their lustre fades ; 
 
 Their portraits dangling high in Brokers' Row ; 
 
 Their meagre /rawies in chimney corners croucliing low 
 
 XLI. 
 
 What eye that looks upon you can believe it, 
 
 That once ye were so handsome, young, and gay ; 
 There it finds every thing that may deceive it, 
 Nothing to flatter, every thing to grieve it ; 
 
 The pearls, the rubies, sapphires, torn away ; 
 No rose is there — no lily to relieve it, 
 
 The raven locks are bleached to raven grey ! 
 The snows of Spring are from those bosoms melted 
 By Winter's frosty blasts and tippets /je/Zet/. 
 
£2 
 
 XLII. 
 
 Oh ! I could weep my very eyes to brine, 
 
 To think those charms on which I fondly dwell. 
 
 The soul's bright mirror, sanctuary and shrine, 
 Day after day, by a resistless spell. 
 
 Glow with soft fires that slowly undermine 
 And symptoms of their own decay foretell ! 
 
 As ponent stars seem quenched in ocean's boundless grave 
 
 So sink those eyes in time's immeasurable wave ! 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 Emerge ye only from the womb of night, 
 To fill the mind with rapture and regret ! 
 
 Ye courts and glittering minarets of sight. 
 Ye orbs of crystal and ye rings of jet ; 
 
 Mansions of bliss and fountains of delight ! 
 Pole stars of happiness soon must ye set ! 
 -Parched at the source, your streams of light run 
 
 dry* 
 And im those radiant chambers darkness lie 
 
23 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 The functions of a Queen are not forgot, 
 
 Nor her defunction and lamented exit : — 
 
 Dark sides there are to the most splendid lot; 
 Poor Majesty I how many things to vex it ! 
 
 But trifles these — to those in state who rot 
 Under the gilded epitaph of — rexit ! 
 
 What troubles will men live, reproach and scoff in. 
 
 In hopes to write five letters on their coffin ! 
 
 XLV. 
 
 Infatuation in that word we own, 
 
 Yet busy vanity goes on to trace it, 
 Whilst the obdurate hand of time is shown, 
 
 From hour to hour, as busy to erase it, 
 And quickly from the dull and senseless stone 
 
 Rubs off your shallow short — " hie jacet." 
 Futile attempt! vain mortals and absurd! 
 For Death is one who will have the last word. 
 
24 
 
 XLVI. 
 
 Well, after all, now her dear head's at rest, 
 She was the truest, carefullest and best, — 
 
 (Poets and Princes love superlatives,) 
 The chastest, prudentest, it is confest, 
 
 The first of regnant women, pregnant wives : — ■ 
 And why her children were not in their lives 
 
 The dutifullest too cannot be guest ; 
 Nor why they should have left so good a mother, 
 When they cou'd never hope for such another. 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 We've got into another reign, 'tis true. 
 
 But have we thus got out of our distresses ? 
 
 What boots it to cast oflp a worn out shoe 
 
 Squeezing our gouty feet into a new : 
 Which harder wrings the wretched soles and pressesj 
 
 Tho' polished up and smarter to the view. 
 
 And cut somewhat more fashionably too ; 
 When it brings on, as every one confesses, • 
 
 Complaints most complicated in the wearing. 
 
 As much past remedy, as they're past B — ring. 
 
25 
 XLVIII. 
 
 — Then we have got a fast increasing brood, 
 Which from her cares maternal we inherit. 
 
 For which we ought to show more gratitude. 
 Princes and Princesses of such vast merit, 
 
 With every noble principle endued 
 So full of gallantry and royal spirit ; 
 
 By night and day assiduous in their calling. 
 
 To prop the tottering house of Hanover from falling. 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 How happy for the coming generation! 
 
 Princes whose qualities we magnify, 
 Exert their utmost power of calculation 
 
 The wants of future ages to supply ; 
 Proficients long in simple numeration, 
 
 Begin at last to learn to multiply : 
 So that in time our rulers we may see. 
 Not rulers by the rule of false but rule of three. 
 
26 
 
 Now, the perversest, sourest, and most tetrical 
 Of all our crabbed reasoners employs. 
 
 To mark that force occult, the vis obstetrical, 
 (Whence the great increase of our girls and boys,) 
 
 The well known reason, ratio geometrical ; 
 This reason 'tis allow'd a prince enjoys: 
 
 So that hereafter, if we want such things 
 
 Nothing will be more plentiful than Kings. 
 
 LI. 
 
 Rabbits some chuse or mice or other vermin 
 To exemplify the powers and rates of breeding ; 
 
 As politician I should much prefer men, 
 If not so much more difficult in feeding. — 
 
 In all, there seems sufficient to deter men 
 
 From letting go the checks to their exceeding 
 
 By Nature tied ; and tho' we think it cross of her 
 
 To bind— we find— she is the best Philosopher. 
 
LIJ. 
 
 Strong is her argument, and well convinces, 
 And not alone confined to moles and lats. 
 
 But mounts to Princes' hares and hare-brained Princes, 
 And all she gifts with power of raising brats : 
 
 Her rules are absolute — she never minces 
 Matters, to favor Kings or democrats. 
 
 But Kings are stronger far than we— what then? 
 
 They need much stronger cheeks than common men. 
 
 LIII. 
 
 These cheek-strings which we talk of, are the laws. 
 Whether by Nature woven or by man ; 
 
 But Kings have piercing eyes to see their flaws, 
 Much keener than the herd republican ; 
 
 And sharper and more formidable claws 
 
 With which they tear their fetters — when they can 
 
 Tho' struggling hard their ligatures to loose. 
 
 Sometimes — they get their necks into the ?ioose. 
 
28 
 
 LIV. 
 
 This is a dire calamity — Some tell us, 
 
 Others declare it is a useful lesson ; 
 As, of their liberties they are more jealous. 
 
 Or laying the prerogative most stress on, 
 Are for their Country, less than Monarch, zealous, 
 
 'Tis a moot point— and difficult to guess, on 
 Which side you are ; — so much are men divided 
 Altho' it has been more than once decided. 
 
 LV. 
 
 Now all our best logicians are agreed, 
 
 A bouncing argument that proves too much, 
 
 A double barrelled argument indeed. 
 
 Like two-edged sword, is hazardous to touch ; 
 
 And potentates have often been decreed 
 To find their ratiocinations such : 
 
 The King is strong — but some affect forsooth 
 
 To know a stronger thing— and that is truth. 
 
29 
 
 LVI. 
 
 O Verity supreme et eternelle I 
 
 Who lovest not with Majesty to dwell ; 
 
 Thou soarest o'er the most exalted throne ; 
 Yet oft the humbler wise, in shady dell 
 
 Cottaged in brown obscurity wilt own, 
 Where mild Philosophy has sunk her cell 
 
 And world-sick Contemplation sits alone, 
 With inward opticks patiently exploring 
 The moral theorem and its cause adoring. — 
 
 LVII. 
 
 When will thy life-irradiating gleam 
 
 Steal inward on the pall'd and sickly sense 
 
 Of Pride, entranced in Folly's giddy dream, 
 Purge the thick film of prejudice and dense, 
 
 Light up the soul with thy serener beam 
 
 And chace the opacous mists of ignorance thence ? 
 
 Mists that obstruct the cheering heavenly ray. 
 
 And from the mind's dimmed windows shut the day. 
 
30 
 
 LVIIL 
 
 Virtues, exotic green-house plants are, (so say 
 Our ethick writers ;) and their blossoms vernal. 
 
 As sensitive as buds of the mimosa, 
 
 Besides nocturnal care and care diurnal. 
 
 Require, within their canopy umbrosa 
 
 Light from without as well as warmth internal :- 
 
 And from whatever point that light's discerned, 
 
 That way, their little pliant heads are turned. 
 
 LXIX. 
 
 Then if the head contract a twist too strong, 
 
 From dazzling ray of wealth or power fantastic. 
 
 Preferment, patronage, or right or wrong, 
 'Twill till the dying moment often fast stick. 
 
 Enough examples of this class belong 
 To Civil Corps and Corps ecclesiastic. — 
 
 Wish you distortions of this sort to find. 
 
 Go and investigate the human mind. — 
 
31 
 
 LX. 
 
 Go and investigate * * * * * 
 
 W. SHACKELL, Printer, Jolmson's-coiirt, 
 Fleet-street, London 
 
W-t^ ^isM-W-goti 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY