v\k^' 
 
 92.9 
 ^S7a 
 
 f1^r4 
 
 ^>'/ ^«.. 
 
 €?*■ 
 
 r <■ 
 
C-^ 51t 
 
(Bobbarb'6 Satir^call Dialo^ve 
 
Satir^call 2)ialoGve 
 
 OR A SHARPLYE-INVECTIUE CONFER- 
 ENCE BETWEENE ALLEXANDER THE 
 GREAT AND THAT TRUELY 
 WOMAN-HATER DIOGYNES 
 
 [BY WILLIAM GODDARD] 
 
 Imprmted in the Lowcountryes 
 
 [ ? Dort ? i6i^] for all such gentlewo?nen 
 
 as are not altogeather Idle nor yet well 
 
 OCVPYED 
 
 from a unique copy in the british museum 
 
 Edited by 
 JOHN S. FARMER 
 
 
 J » 1 
 
 
 LONDON 
 
 PRIVATEL Y PRINTED FOR SUBSCRIBERS ONL Y 
 
 MDCCCXCVII 
 

INTRODUCTION 
 
 I UR knowledge of William Goddard, 
 the satirist, is scanty, even as his 
 books are scarce. Internal evidence 
 is likewise, for the most part, want- 
 ing ; his satires being in general of an impersonal 
 character. 
 
 Flourishing in the reign of King James the first 
 Goddard is thought to have belonged to the 
 Middle Temple; he also appears to have lived 
 for some time in Holland holding there an ap- 
 pointment in a civil capacity. At all events two 
 of his books were " imprinted in the Lowcoimtryes" ; 
 one of them "A Neaste of Wasps, " most certainly 
 at Dort in the year 1615, and the other, the 
 present reprint, was also probably issued from 
 the same press. 
 
 Beyond these facts nothing is certain. There 
 wai4 (says The National Dictionary of Biography), 
 
 2G0782 
 
XII INTRODUCTION 
 
 in July 1634, one William Goddard, " Doctor 
 of Physic at Padua, " who was incorporated in 
 the same degree at Oxford ; but his identity with 
 the satirist seems doubtful. 
 
 Goddard's known books are three in number, 
 and are as follows: — 
 
 A Satyricall Dialogue, or a sharply e invectiue 
 conference between Allexander the Great 
 and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes. . . 
 Imprinted in the Lowcountryes for all 
 such gentlewomen as are not alltogeather 
 Idle nor yet zvell occupy ed. [ ? Dort ? 1 6 1 5 .] 
 
 A Neaste of Wasps latelie found out and 
 discovered in the Law [Low] Countreys 
 yealding as sweete hony as some of our 
 English bees. [At Dort... 16 15.] 
 
 A Mastif Whelp, with other' ruff-Isla7id'lik 
 Currs fetcht from among the Anttpedes. 
 Which bite and barke at the fantasticall 
 humorists and abusers of the time... Im- 
 printed at the Antipedes, and are to be 
 sould where they are to be bought. [1598.] 
 
 Curiously enough, all seem to have been issued 
 without the name either of printer or publisher; 
 
INTRODUCTION XIII 
 
 a fact which would seem to indicate that they 
 failed to obtain the usual license. The title page 
 of "A Mastif Whelp" informs us that the book 
 was " Imprinted at the Antipedes and are to bee 
 sould where they are to be bought." A further 
 clue may possibly be found in the first dedi- 
 cation [Sa/. Dm. A2I, in the last four lines of which a 
 reference is seemingly made to the burning of 
 Marston's "Satires." This, however, is a mere 
 surmise; and if censorship was really exercised 
 over Goddard's productions it is difficult to see 
 the reason why; for, though his satire would 
 now-a-days be counted gross, his diction was no 
 coarser than that of most of his contemporaries. 
 His second dedication " to the senceless censurer " 
 seems also to point in the direction I have in- 
 dicated. 
 
 At all events, such a fact, could it be estab- 
 lished, would go far to explain the extreme rarity 
 of Goddard's works. Of " A Satyricall Dialogue, " 
 the present reprint, only one copy is known to 
 exist, that being in the British Museum ; whilst two 
 copies are extant of " A Neaste of Wasps." One is 
 n the library of Worcestei College, Oxford, and 
 another in the private collection at Bridgewater 
 House. His " Mastif Whelp " is only to be found 
 in the Bodleian. 
 
 Goddard's satire was almost entirely levelled 
 
XIV INTRODUCTION 
 
 against women, and in not a few instances his 
 pen was dipped in the bitterest invective and 
 scom. Especially is this noticeable in "A Satyricall 
 Dialogue" which he doubly dedicates to the 
 " bewteous . . . most puissaunt creatures of the 
 Earth, Woemen," and " to the 'senceless' Censurer," 
 the argument of which I will briefly outline. 
 
 Alexander the Great comes in disguise from 
 his court to ask Diogines why he is for ever a 
 recluse, and never seen in the busy haunts of 
 men. Diogines replies that courts and courtiers 
 are not to his taste : he is no wine-bibbing, 
 gluttonous sycophant, but an honest man. 
 Alexander contends that such disdain comes 
 but of lack of travel and want of knowledge of 
 the world. " Not so : all sorts and kinds of men 
 and women, " says Diogines, has he seen. " But, " 
 quoth Alexander, " does not Diogines at least 
 care for the delights that come of women?" at 
 court he may " take viewe of ladies trymm." 
 All in vain Alexander pleads ; for, says the recluse, 
 " all woemen I haue scene ; all are wanton, all 
 are badd," and he would 
 
 " rather dwell 
 A thousand tymes, a single man in hell" 
 
 than married be; it "galls his gutts" a woman's 
 tongue to hear. Alexander retorts : — 
 
INTRODUCTION XV 
 
 " Oh harsh-sowre, crabby Cynnick, still I see, 
 To gentle creatures thou wilt stubborne bee : 
 If with a girle- th'ast ncuer slept a night, 
 Thy soule hath ncuer tasted sweet deHght 
 
 ,, (a Virgins grace), 
 Which tripps lavaltoes in each maydens face, 
 When men's fowle tongues o're-flowes with ribalderj', 
 Should make thee loue maidens, for their modestie." 
 
 Maids modest ? " Nay, Maids can feign modest)', 
 yet by themselves their tongues do wag in all too 
 broad talk." And then Diogines relates "The 
 Three Wanton Sisters Wanton Dreams " wherein 
 he shows : — 
 
 " what modest chat 
 Young maids will have when by themselves they're got." 
 
 Still Alexander is unconvinced: "ill is done to 
 accuse so generally, " so Diogines continues his 
 experiences — how once he feigned to be a mar- 
 ried wife, and overheard the counsel of one 
 Madam Will "in various guise to women 
 wronged " — shall he the story tell ? " Why, yes, " 
 and so the cynic proceeds to narrate the advice 
 the old bawd gave concerning {a) an old wife's 
 complaint of her young husband ; {d) a young wife 
 wedded to a jealous old man ; and {c) the churlish 
 spouse of a gossipping wife. And so the two 
 discuss the whole range of women's ills, Alexander 
 
XVI INTRODUCTION 
 
 at length disclosing himself in a last but vain attempt 
 to induce Diogines to change his tub for a 
 courtly hall. 
 
 So far the summary; for the rest the student 
 (and only for such are these reprints made) will not 
 need to be longer delayed from Goddard's caustic 
 lines. It only remains to mention that in 1878 
 Dr. Fumivall prepared Goddard's three known 
 books with a view to republishing them, but they 
 were never issued, and Dr. Fumivall's notes 
 and materials have now been generously placed 
 at the disposal of the present editor. 
 
A 
 
 A T I R Y- 
 
 CALL DIALO- 
 
 GVE OR A SHAR- 
 
 plye - invectiue conference, be- 
 tweene Allexander the great, and 
 that truelye woman-hater Diogy- 
 nes. 
 
 
 * . » 5 ] 
 
 ' » , ' , J 3 > 
 
 
 ymprinted in the Lowcountyyes for all 
 
 fuch gentlewomen as are not alto- 
 
 geather Idle nor yet well. 
 
 O C V P Y E D. 
 
TO THE VERTVOVS, 
 
 bewteous : to the all-illuftrious, and 
 
 moft puiffaunt creatures of the Earth, WOE- 
 MEN: Willyain Goddard, fole defirer of th'yncreafe of your 
 bewtyes, and chiefe adorer of your goddes-like vertues, 
 (with al reuerence to your Angelicall fex,) commendes to 
 your protection this harfh vnlearned 
 
 DIALOGVE. 
 
 ^^^'^^^^i^^^t Tarrs of this cartJilie heauen,you ivhofe effencc 
 ^^^) Couipofd was of mans purejl quyntejfcnce, 
 ^ To you {to virtuous yoii) I dedicate 
 
 This fnaggy fprigg, hew' d from a crabby pate, 
 Wherein {Celejliall bewties) you JJiall fee, 
 _^_ __ . _ ^ Howe (?/^ Diogynes extolleth yee. 
 -^^^i*^ '^ lYg jue7t, doe loue to fee ourfelues vp-raifd. 
 And focond are, to heare our own felues praifd 
 But (oh you fpringes of Wifdome !) / doe find 
 That is a thing moft liatefull to your kind. 
 Yet old Diogynes did fee your zvorth. 
 Such worth hee fawe as needes heed paint it forth. 
 Accept his loue ; for all the Cynnicks deedes 
 Out of true zeale vnto your fex proceedes. 
 With reverent zeale, as high as tli'azurdfkyes, 
 Your virtuous deedes, the old man magnifies. 
 Contrary wife, he with a bitter penn 
 InveSlivelie doth write againfl bad men, 
 Comaunding them, that what foe eWe they doe. 
 They alwaies fiould example take by you. 
 
 Badd are thefe men,fuch is their e perverfe kind. 
 They burne all bookes wherein theire faults they find. 
 And therefore (earthhe aungells) my defire 
 Is, you'l prote6l this from confuming fire. 
 
 The euer-faythfull honourer 
 of your celeftyall Sex, 
 
 Willyam Goddard. 
 
 A 2 To 
 

 To the fenceles Cenfiirer. 
 
 Afli Reader, read my booke, and when tis read 
 Difdaynefullie through't o're thy muddy head 
 Thy condemnations peale a both fides ringe : 
 Raili men are priviledgd t'faie anie thing, 
 And therefore ijiarc-braine) reade, crie mewe 
 dillike : 
 
 My fpleene fwells not when fooles with babies ftrike. 
 Pack \\ence,prea'fi07i : cry'ft it is obfceane? 
 Diue deeper, JJiallozve pate : knowe what I meane. 
 Knowe what I meane ? alas ! what hope haue I ? 
 Since carpers mindes haue but a poreblynd eye. 
 Yet to prevent thy cenfures, thus muche knowe, 
 Whollye this booke was ma.de, /o/h'e to fhowe, 
 And he which laies ope tymes abufe, and vice, 
 Are fildome blam'd of men Judicious wife : 
 
 At which I ay'md; and therefore, diincepate, hence, 
 Or looke for laflies for thy rude offence. 
 
 William G. 
 
^'r 
 
 A SATIRYCALL DIA- 
 
 LOGVE OR A SHARPLYE-IN- 
 
 VECTIVE CONFERENCE 
 
 Betweene 
 ALLEXANDER THE CREATE 
 
 a7id that 
 
 Trulye woman-hater Diogynes. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 Hy howe nowe, Cynnick, what dufl: doe a daies 
 That thou jn tubb art coop't-vp htus ahvaies? 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 "\ "^THat doe I doe? not daunce from howfe to howfe, 
 
 ^ ' To bibb in wynes fweete luice, eache dambd corrowfe. 
 Nor doe I gallop it from place to place, 
 To viewe each faire bewitching painted face ; 
 Nor ftucldye howe, this populous world to wynn, 
 My ftuddy's-howe, to beate and conquer fynn. 
 I Ituddye not wherewith my gutts to cramm : 
 On what foe ere I feede, well pleafd I am. 
 To mee's all one the fyn'ft and groffeft meate ; 
 So't wholefome be, I nere care what I eate. 
 With in my felfes a world, and it is true 
 I howrlie fight, all that world to fubdue. 
 And thefe fell-fighters bee the enymies, 
 That rebell-like, againfte me dailie rife. 
 Vaine Pryde (my cheifeft foe) the leading hath 
 Of thefe feirce-foes: loathd drunkenness^ and Wrath, 
 With Averice, Sloathe, Gliittonie, and Lujl, 
 ^ drunkenues, orig. A 3 Encounter 
 
}.'•;•? \ .7, . ; 77ie old 
 
 Encounter hottlie eu'rie daie I mufl ; 
 To beate downe thefe, I daylie doe devife; 
 To this end, I vfe flrenght and polHcies : 
 I ftuddy not, nor trouble I my witt 
 Howe I by flatt'ry fhould be fauouritt 
 Vnto greate Allexander. I would refufe 
 To be that monarchs felfe. If I might chufe. 
 
 Allexander. 
 ^Hou wouldft not ; wouldll ? 
 
 P 
 
 I 
 
 Diogynes. 
 would, by loue I vowe. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 A Las (poore fillie fna.ke) why what art thou? 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 "\ "^THat thou art not: I am an honefl man ; 
 
 ' ^ And then (I hope) the more vnlike thee than, 
 I am no Courtyer, I, for once by chaunce 
 I with another man's faire wife did daunce, 
 Yet Icie-vayned-I (vnfett a fire) 
 Did freeze mofle coldlie in loues hott defire : 
 I did indeed : but doe you heare me, hoe ? 
 Was e're hott-blouded Courtyer frozen foe ? 
 I am noe Lawyer, I, for once there was 
 A poore man praide me vndertake his cafe : 
 Quoth he, praie vndertakt, and you fhall haue your fee 
 Though you fitt dumb, and nothing fpeake for me. 
 But I refufd it, I : yet harke you, hoe. 
 What Lawyer ere refufd, and tempted foe? 
 I am noe younger-brother brauelie fprighted, 
 For once a vfring golden Affe (benighted) 
 Quite laden with his full ftuft treafure baggs, 
 By me that dreaming drudge all feareles laggs ; 
 Yet honeft I (vntempted with this fight) 
 Though emptie mavd, at this baite would not bite. 
 
 Hence capring Courtyer, afk you who I am ? 
 
 Goe, gett you hence, fcudd quick from whence you came. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 /^Ynnick, you are to fharpe : did you but knowe me, 
 ^"-^I am affurd, more reu'rence you would fhowe me. 
 
 H 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 Owe? I fhowe reverence? noe, vnderftand 
 That Allexander getts none at my hand. 
 
 Allexajtder. 
 
 TN faithe, Diogynes, thou hafte not beene, 
 -'-In all thy life, where anie thing th'aft feene. 
 Yf thoudfl: but trauayle, and fome fafhions fee, 
 Thoudft anfwere none, as nowe thou aunfwerli me. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 T TAue I not trauayld? ha? yes, yes, I trowe, 
 -^ -'■ (Spruce fellowe) thou hafte neuer trauailed foe. 
 Where I haue bene, theres fewe hath^ euer beene, 
 But yet men faie noe wonders I haue feene. 
 Why, once I fawe a ritch-left heire to weepe, 
 When's old dadd tooke his euerlafting ficepe. 
 Once did I fee a bewteous maide (tis itraunge!) 
 Liua twentie yeares, yet not that title chaunge. 
 Once did I lee a wife in mourninge weede 
 Shedd teares ouer hir hufbands courfe indeed. 
 I once did fee a Cytizens faire wife 
 Liue at the Courte, he leading elfe wher'es life. 
 And hee (ins witt) noe wifer then an affe ; 
 Yet was hee brow'd, more fmothe then fmothell glafle. 
 Once did I fee a King giues foes the foile, 
 And gaue his fouldyers leaue to take the fpoile : 
 And laftlie, once I was in fuch a Court, 
 Where 'bout the King noe flattrers did refort. 
 Where I haue beene, oh furelie none haue beene. 
 Then why faie you, noe wonders I haue feene? 
 ' harh, orig. A 4 Allexander. 
 
W^l 
 
 The old 
 
 Allexmtder. 
 faith, Diogynes, me thinkes thefe are 
 
 Not things (as thou wouldft make em) wondrous rare : 
 The hke in eu'rie place and realme I fee, 
 Th'are comon, man, they ordynarie be. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 'T^Hofe, ordynarie thinges ? I fayth, fir, noe; 
 -'- Thefe thinges are th' ordynarie thinges, I trowe : 
 To fee faire bewtious ladies no we adaies 
 Refufe to take at once both pricke and praife : 
 Of both the 'ile not accept, for ftill thofe men 
 Which gives the one, fhall tother have agenn. 
 The other thinges ? why ! thofe are wondrous rare ; 
 Thefe be the thinges that ordynarie are : 
 To fee how Lords fhake-of their ferving men, 
 And howe their ladies take them on agen, 
 Holding em in (vnto their Lords unknowne) 
 To ride in private with them vp and downe. 
 T' fee mercers bookes fild-vp with courtyers names ; 
 To fee your mincyng bewteous cyttie dames 
 Haue alwaies fome one gallant of the court 
 (As kinsman to them) to theire howfe refort. 
 To fee a plaine kind man loue none foe much 
 As he which giues his pate the cuckolds tutch. 
 Thefe, thefe are ordynarie, man : alfo 
 This thing is as much ordynarie too. 
 To fee your ritch old country fquires to wedd 
 Their chamber maides vnto theire fervaunts bedd, 
 But firfle themfelues to take the maydenhead, 
 Then place them in fome cottage nere at hand 
 To haue theire fervice readie at comaund. 
 Thou faydft the firft were ordynarie thinges : 
 Awaie, awaie : why, man, to fee on kinges 
 Howe Daimger, plaine cloathd fmoothly-fmiling Daunger, 
 Wayteth on them, attending like noe ftraunger, 
 But like fome fmyling countenanced freind, 
 Onelie to giue too's Prince his fatall end : 
 
 Thoult 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Thoult fay, perhaps, this is noe common thing ; 
 
 But thoud'fl: vnfay't againe wert thou a king. 
 What thinges are common, and not common be, 
 Thy fhallowe reatch cannot conceaue, I fee. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 IVJAie, fie, Diogynes, infaith thou art 
 ■^ ^ In thy conclufions, ftill a dram to tart; 
 I pray thee lett me foe prevaile with thee. 
 As ride to Allcxandcrs court with mee; 
 Twill mend thee much, and I will vndertake 
 The King fliall byd thee welcome for my fake. 
 
 Dwgynes. 
 
 "X TNto my Tubb, lett Allexander come; 
 
 ^ T'me in a Pallace, when I'me in this home ; 
 Let thofe that lift, vnto thy king refort, 
 Tis not my lift : what fhould I doe at's court ? 
 
 A llexander. 
 
 A S others doe ; in fpending of fmale pelfe, 
 -^^Thou maifte in tyme to honour raife thy felfe, 
 
 Dt'ogynes. 
 
 I cannot fawne, my tongue too ruftie is ; 
 I bafhfull am ; I'm nothing boldlie rude, 
 I rather chufe Court delecates to miffe. 
 Then with a brazen face my felfe ty'ntrude : 
 In tubb (coop't-vp) I will Hue euer mude, 
 And euer hue vppon fowre garden woortes, 
 Er'e He' a flattr'er be, and followe cortes. 
 
 I cannot turne my tongue to praife and laude 
 
 A foone-lamb'd prick-eard proud-feerce firy ftccd; 
 
 I cannot, Fyndalls full deep mouth applaude. 
 
 Nor fweare the greate-mans grew hound hath beft fpeed, 
 
 B When 
 
The old 
 
 When hee doth plaie the flowe-flugg curr indeed. 
 Though fome cann doo't, yet fuch is my fowre kind 
 I neuer could, though't gall's his fweld puft^ mind; 
 
 I cannot tell the greate foole hee is wife, 
 Nor tell fowle ladies they are wondrous faire. 
 I ne're applaude aboue heauns-fpangled ikies, 
 The curld-worne treffes of dead-borrowd haire. 
 
 Like Northern blafte I breathe my crittick aire; 
 I am noe Mimyck ape, I loathe and hate. 
 Each light-braind giddy-head to Imytate. 
 
 I cannot brooke to fuck the livings bloud 
 
 Of thefe old Vfrer's ritch-left prodigalls ; 
 
 I nourifh not with fuch fweete-bitter food ; 
 
 I hate to rife by other mens downe falls. 
 
 I knowe tis 111, though other think tis good; 
 
 Though fome doe think fuch papp all fweete to be, 
 
 Yet I doe not; it poyfon proues to me. 
 
 To make fhort worke, I neuer loud' vaine fportes, 
 And therefore I'me vnfitt for Prynces Courtes! 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 T^/o£ynes, thou art deceyued quite ; 
 -^-^In vanities, Kinges take the leaft delight. 
 He vndertake none Ihall refpected bee 
 (Yf thou wilt followe him), better then thee. 
 Come to the Court, and then in feeing him 
 Thou alfo mayfte take viewe of ladies trymm. 
 Mee thinkes hee is too dull and fadd of fpright 
 That in a bewteous dame takes noe delight. 
 
 Why, hee that's mary'd, is in heauen all night. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 nPHere lett him bee, for I had rather dwell, 
 -*- A thoufand tymes, a fingle man in hell. 
 I am affurd that ther'es noe Divell cann 
 (Like to a wife) torment a mary'd man. 
 
 ' pust, orig. Il'e 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Il'e none of them, I'me eiier worfe a yeare 
 When once I doe a woman's tongue but heare. 
 It galls my gxitts when I a woman fee, 
 He not once come where fuch ftraunge creatures be. 
 Come, hold your tongue, and prate no more to me. 
 
 N 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 Aie, good Diogynes, bee not ioe quick, 
 I hope yet, 'ere I die, fee thee loue fick. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 T Oue-ficke? why, I doe loue thefe women foe, 
 
 -'—'As I'me foe fonde, I knowe not what to doe. 
 Siicli is my loue vnto the f email Kind, 
 As were I Empfour of thynfernall lake. 
 But Women, none with me Jliould favour fynd, 
 One maji into my Kingdomc Id'e ?2ot take. 
 
 Ide' fend my fervaunts out, to fearch and fee. 
 
 To bring all women in the world to mee. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 "DYth, maffe, Diogynes, thou louft em well ! 
 -*— 'Wert thou the King and gouernour of hell, 
 Thou wouldil, I fee, advaunce the women kind. 
 There is noe want of will hadd thou^ thy mind. 
 Wert thou (I fee) the prince of that faire place, 
 Women (onelie) with thee fhould be in grace. 
 I fee, thoudft very carles be of men, 
 I fee, thoudft women haue, t' attend thee then. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 TThat I would, and this they fhould be bold, 
 ■*-Ide carefull be they fhould not freeze with cold. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 TFayth, Diogynes, I doubt th'aft cuer 
 
 -'-Beene privatelie a vild laciuious liuer. 
 
 ' to, orip-. B 2 Or 
 
The old 
 
 Or neuer hafte beene yet (I greatelie feare) 
 Where anie one faire vertuous creature weare. 
 
 N 
 
 Diogyiies. 
 
 Or nere will looke to be : I am too wife 
 To thinke that vertue cann remaine in vice. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 "\'\ TErt thou at Court, thou'dft alter then thy mind, 
 
 ' ^ When women thou didft fee, foe wondrous kind. 
 Forfake this Tubb, t'is folliterie 111, 
 And howe to court faire ladies, learne the fkyll. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 IVTOwe, by the luflfull fire, hott boiling vaines, 
 ■^ ^ Of that fame wanton greate god lupiter, 
 I am vn fkild in thefe fpeech-pleafing ftraines, 
 To courte a wenche when I come vnto hir. 
 
 I'me then an all-mute, dumb, and furlie fir ; 
 I cannot lifpe, nor cann I courtlike faie ; 
 When I doe women woe, I runn my waye, 
 
 I cannot fmge, nor can I turne my tongue 
 To chaunte a Syren-charming quau'ring dittye ; 
 When I thefe bewties chaunce to come amonge. 
 My lead-fade-fable lookes muft moue their pittie, 
 
 All what is in me then is all vnwittie. 
 I want thefe warbling noates to win their loues, 
 Nor cann I prickfong fett which better moues. 
 
 I cannot mufick it, nor finger fyne 
 A fweete-cleare-throated, eare-charme inftrument ; 
 I'me not poffefle with fuch fweet parts devyne, 
 Whereby to caufe faire bewties merryment. 
 
 T'ynchaunt theire eares nothing cann I invent ; 
 And well knowe I, that women take delight 
 In thefe fame inftruments, both dale and night. 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 I cannot daunce, nor with my fprawling heeles 
 Cann I the ny'mble cutt-heele caper kick, 
 My fullen bloud an other humour feeles ; 
 To woe a wench, I want the wanton trick. 
 
 I am a milkfopp then, I then am hck 
 Againe, ftreng[t]hes moyllure in my^ vaines is fkant, 
 Which w^omen after dauncing mult not want. 
 And, therefore pry thee, fellowe, lett me refle : 
 Of all thefe worldly Courtes, my Tubb's the beft. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 'T^Iogiiies, my meaning is miftooke : 
 
 ^~^\ would not that your Tubb be quite forfooke, 
 
 But for your recreation nowe and then 
 
 Youd' goe too th' Court, from court t' your tubb agen. 
 
 Miftake me not, it will for your good tend ; 
 
 A wifeman alwaies lyilen will too's friend. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 "\TAie, would you would thefe complementes forbeare; 
 
 -*- ^ For Courtyers friendfhipps, I did neuer care ; 
 
 Yet fhould I chufe a friend, a Courtyer than 
 
 I would make choife-of, fore another man. 
 
 By this example I will plainlie proue, 
 
 That like to Courtyers, none doe trulie loue ; 
 
 Like to apparell they doe loue theire friend, 
 
 To what (like that) doe they theire loues extend ; 
 
 Like cloathes they loue theire friendes : why that is true, 
 
 luft like em, caufe they nere loue cloathes but newe. 
 
 Pack hence, for fuch loue fliould I find of you. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 "VTAie, fye, Diogynes, you can (yf lift) 
 -^ ^ Forbeare to plaie this crabb-fowre fatirift. 
 I pry thee, Cynnick, broach thy milder braine. 
 And let thy wordes runn in a fweeter vaine. 
 In others natures too too much thou^ markft. 
 
 ' may, orig. - you, orig. B 3 /Vgamll 
 
The old 
 
 Againft theire faultes too rufly loud thou barkfl ; 
 
 I doe diflike it, I, I pry thee ceafe ; 
 
 Thoud'ft gaine more loue, yf thou didft hold thy peace : 
 
 Turne courtyer, man, come, be thou polHtick wife ; 
 
 He belt wynns loue, that beft can footh-vp vice. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 'T^Hen I'le wynn hate : nor King nor Clowne I'le fpare, 
 -^ Yf they with vices vennym poyfned are ; 
 Yf with Prides fwelling tympany I fynd 
 Theire hartes are once puft-vp, lie fpeake my mind. 
 Let's pate be crownd with hundred thoufand crownes, 
 Lett cruell deathe fucceed his v/rathfull frownes, 
 Yet (yf in him) loathd filthie fynns I fee, 
 Hee fhall not (in them) footh'd-vp-be by mee. 
 
 I cannot foothe ; I am not that waies wife ; 
 
 Who liveth not in virtue, dies in vice. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 'T^Hou fayfl well, Cynnick, for I hold this race 
 -■- Of oyld-tongu'd flattrers, to be dangerous bafe. 
 The cankerd rust doth not the Iron frett, 
 Soe fafte as thefe doe in good natures eate ; 
 The ftatelie oake a long^er tyme would Hue, 
 Yf to the Ivie he noe trufte did giue ; 
 But as the Ivie 'boute the oake entwyndes 
 To worke his faU, fo't fares with flattrers mindes. 
 
 But whether in difcourfe fliall our tongues walke ? 
 I came not here, of court affaires to talke, 
 I came to fee thy manner kind of life, 
 And t'afke thee why thou getft thee not a wife. 
 Faith, gett thee one ; I would not lie alone 
 Yf all the world could but afford me one. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 A Wife ? why, for my live I cannot fee 
 ■^ ^Howe man, with woman, euer fhould agree. 
 
 When 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 When men goe backward, and goe down the wynd, 
 
 It frettes, cuttes, galles, and greiveth fore the mind. 
 
 When women backward growe, and downeward goe, 
 
 Theire fpleenes with laughter tickles then, I trowe : 
 
 Since theire two natures are To contrarie, 
 
 I mufe howe tweene them cann be fympathie. 
 
 A wife ? oh fellowe, tha'rt a younge man yet, 
 
 Ther'es much fowre fawce belonges to that fweete bitt : 
 
 Who would be troubled wnth the yawling noyfe 
 
 Of a harfh-whewling young childes whympring voice; 
 
 Againe, to fee them fligger, fmile, and plaie, 
 
 Doth make mee greiue as much an other waie. 
 
 When they doe fimper, I doe fighe ; for then 
 
 I mynd the miferies theyl fee (ere men). 
 
 Twould cutt my heart to heare a babe cry 'dadd, 
 
 Oh giue me meate,' when tis not to be hadd. 
 
 He that doth wiue for pleafures fole intent, 
 
 Tis ten to one, but foone he will repent. 
 
 Who would be bound to fcrape, pinch, carke, and care 
 
 For bra.ttes (perhapps) that gott by others are ? 
 
 Not I: He' none of this thing cald a wife; 
 
 Let him take one that's wearie of his life. 
 
 For hee that alwaies will fupplies' wiues lack, 
 
 Mull: vnto Nature goe, for a lleele back. 
 
 A wife? He ha noe wife: fuch fprights will frowne 
 
 Vnles they (er'e a non) are coinurd' downe : 
 
 Againe, my little Tubb is too too fmall 
 
 To hold my wife, my felfe, and whom fliee'le call ; 
 
 It muft not be a fmale howfe that can hold 
 
 A filent man, ioynd with a fhrill-tongaid fchold. 
 
 Nowe will hir gofsipps come; then praie nowe, where 
 
 Is roome for them to chatt, and make good cheere? 
 
 And nowe hir old-acquainted freind will come, 
 
 (Perhapps to fee hir when I'me from my home) 
 
 Then where's my galleree for them to walk ? 
 
 Or anie place for old freindcs fecrett talk ? 
 
 Some what perhapps theyd' doe, I fhould not fee : " 
 
 Where haue I chambers then for them to bee ? 
 
 Not in my Tubb : my Tubb hath not the fcope 
 
 For hir to goilip't with hir mates, I hope. B 4 Yet 
 
The old 
 
 Yet though I haue noe wife (with hott defire) 
 
 My harte is flamd : burnt am I with loues fire. 
 
 A loue I haue, to whom I will be true : 
 
 Obferue hir partes, I will difcribe them you: 
 My loues pure white hath ne're fuftaind a fpot, 
 She's wife, good, rich, faire, chafte. what is fhee not ? 
 
 JLJlr eyes, grace, f peach ; hatJififd, amaz'd, rauiJJii, 
 
 My harte, fence, thoughts ; with loue, wonder, delight, 
 123 12 3 
 
 Butfyr'd ' inazd, fence-reft ; I fought, prayde, and wifit, 
 
 123 12 3 
 
 To quenche,cure, andheale ; loue, fence, and eyes-dymdfight^ 
 
 123 12 3 
 
 Thtis eyes, grace, fpeache ; hath fyr' d, amazd, fence-charmd 
 
 I 2 3 _ 12 3 
 
 My thoughts, fence, wills, with lotie, withfeare, V7iarmd. 
 
 Oh my loue's fairlie white without a fpott, 
 
 Such is hir hue, no ftaine hir hue can blott. 
 
 Virtue's that Dame; in hir fweete grace I fitt, 
 
 'Tis fhee loues me, fhe'es woma.ns oppofitt. 
 
 Could I one, headles lymbles corples fee. 
 
 To fuch a one would I betrothed be ; . 
 
 For had fliee nere a head: noe tongue flieed haue, 
 
 Nor corps ; then Ide not dread the lechrous knaue : 
 
 Nor lymb ; then fhould I neuer quiv'ring fland. 
 
 Fearing my eares remenbraunce of hir hand. 
 Of rope or hangman I was nere afrayde. 
 At noe fight quake I but at wife or maide. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 OH harfh-fowre, crabby Cynnick, ftill I fee. 
 To gentle creatures thou wilt Ifubborne bee : 
 If with a girle thaft neuer flept a night. 
 Thy foule hath neuer tailed fweete delight. 
 Such is the femall fex, while wife or maide. 
 As of them, too much good cannot be faide, 
 Me thinkes the Ikipping bloud (a Virgins grace), 
 
 Which 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Which tripps lavaltoes in each maydens face, 
 When mens fowle tongues o're-flowes with ribaldery, 
 Should make thee loue maides, for their modeftie. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 ]\ TAydens modeft? what is this modeftie? 
 1V± jf t-'is y^ them, it is a vice, faie I, 
 Vertue in women is as cold as Ice ; 
 Nothing is warme in them vnleft' be vice. 
 Thou art a dunce, thou hafte noe reatche, I fee. 
 Why Maydes at all tymes cann faine modeftee ; 
 Theil' blufh as oft while they Hue lingle Hues, 
 As they will weepe when they be marry'd wiues ; 
 If twas my lifte, I could a thowfand name 
 That would (yf men talke 111) blufh at the fame ; 
 Yet, by themfelues, their tongues fliall nimblie walke 
 Whole nights togeather, all in too-broad talk. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 npHou wrongft em foore : I doe not think it, I, 
 -*- That maydens tongues will tripp Immodeftlie. 
 
 T 
 
 Diogynes. 
 Hou dooft not, dooft? I prithee think foe ftill; 
 
 I think thy witt is like a womans will, 
 But what thou doft not think, I trulie knowe, 
 What I haue faide of maydes, men fhall find foe. 
 I, fellowe, fellowe, till theire by themfelues, 
 Maydes in talke are modeft baflifull elues, 
 But beinge from the companie of men. 
 The lawes of modeftie is broken then. 
 Twas not longe fmce I ftood to maydens'neere, 
 But, Lord! thou't ne're beleeue what I did heare, 
 For onelie that fame wench efteemd' was well. 
 Which could the ribauldft dreame relate and tell. 
 I could relate all what they did relate, 
 But that my tongues disvs'd to fuch like prate. 
 
 'Tis vild obfcene ; fpeake, younge man, wilt you hav't? 
 
 C Allexander. 
 
c 
 
 The old 
 
 Allexmider. 
 
 Ome, out with't, Cynnick, I knowe thy delight 
 Is, all in all to worke faire woomen fpight. 
 
 DIOGINES RELATES 
 
 the three wanton Sifters wan- 
 
 O 
 
 ton dreames. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 Ver the fyer, once three maydens fatt. 
 
 Vnknowne to them, I ouer heard their chatt. 
 Eache with hir tuckt-vp cloathes, in pleafmg plight 
 (Pleafmg I meane vnto fond younge mens fight), 
 Satt ore the fyer, foe as one might fee. 
 From {lender foote, to round-white nimble knee. 
 As thus they fatt, I'me fure thou doefl; think what 
 (When maydes with maydens bee) wilbe theire chatt. 
 Girles (quoth the eldell: fifter) what fhall's doe? 
 Smal'es my defire, vnto my bedd to goe. 
 For yet, I neuer in my couche could fynd 
 A fportiue mate to pleafe my mayden mind. 
 Alas, alas, what pleafure and delight 
 Takes one mayde with an other in the night ? 
 But fmale, god knowes it, for my owne part I 
 Ne're tooke anie with whom I e're did lie. 
 For loue, noe revells in that bedd doth keepe, 
 Where one girle, by an others fide doth fleepe. 
 For trulye (fifters) there is none that can 
 Giue maydes delight in bedd, but a young man, 
 And but in dreame (the more vnhappie I), 
 I ne're wdth fuch a beddfellowe could lie ; 
 But yet in dreame (oh, matchles fweete delightes!) 
 Iv'e lyne, and lyne with one, whole wynters nightes, 
 The greater greife (you'l faie) 'twas to my mind 
 When I did wake, and myfelfe fingle fynd. 
 Oh, girles it was ! but, fifters, I doe fee, 
 
 It 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 It is with eu'rye mayde as 'tis with mee. 
 
 Such are our dreames, as wee do laugh in fleepe, 
 
 But when wee wake againe, oh, then wee weepe. 
 
 But what flialls' doe? wee'l not foe foone to bedd, 
 
 Letts rather tell, howe ne're wee haue beene fpedd. 
 
 Our merry 'ft dreames come lett vs nowe relate, 
 
 Girles gott with girles, their mindes male freelie prate. 
 
 What though w'are maides? heare are noe men to heare vs, 
 
 Freelie wee vfe to chatt, when th' are not nere vs. 
 
 W'are by our felues ; what ere we talke, is well. 
 
 Come, letts drawe lotts which iirft hir dreame fliall tell. 
 
 At which the youngeft, blufliing like a rofe. 
 Being alfignd by lott firfte to dilclofe, 
 Begynns to tell howe to hir ioules delight 
 Hir fences raviflit' were, the other night. 
 
 THE YOVNGEST 
 
 Sifters dreame. 
 
 OOth JJtee, on bedds fofte doivne, downe did I lie, 
 ^..^ And fnngd downe clofe, to haiie Jleepe clofe cache eye, 
 But ere 't would bee I e?itred in a mufe 
 (/, fncJi a mufe as all wee maydens life), 
 I mufd{me thouglit) yf there were fzveetcr bliffe 
 For maydes, then 't lie with men, to clipp and kiffe ; 
 Me thought, I thought {this thought fetcht out a groane) 
 It was a hell to lie all night alojie. 
 At which I fight, and tur^iiiig me I wept, 
 Defiring what I knozve not till I Jlept ; 
 In wJiicJi my fleepe [oh fancies fweete delight/) 
 Appeard a youth {Pheobus was much leffe bright); 
 Gold were his lockes, firye fparkles were his eyne, 
 His broives, cheekes, and chynn were as lo2iche fyne; 
 I'ns fhirte was hee, afiiirtfoefyne, I zvynn, 
 As one might fee what was tzveenc fiiirt and fkynn, 
 ITis f)iowc-ivhite amies, in-laide with azurd vaine 
 [Mixed 7ii it Ji crimfon dye) one migJit fee plainc, 
 His full-broade manlie fomc-what downy e chefte. 
 Dale-like indented tweene two mounting breftes, 
 
 C 2 On 
 
The old 
 
 On ivhich two pretite fnnteles teatlinges grezve ; 
 Not niilkie fweete^ fweete onelie for the veiwe. 
 I Jaw's foftjlender wajie; and, fijlers, well nie 
 If awe 7v hat grew e heiieathe his plump-round bellie; 
 All what I fawe {^fweete wenches) I would tell ye, 
 But that fweete hue coniures 7ne {here^s the fpight) 
 Not to difcribe mans fiveetly-fportiue fpright : 
 Ohfweefs the dreame ivhich yeeldeth fuch delight ! 
 But come, girles, come [fye, whether doe I roavief). 
 Me thinkcs but coldlie I tooth purpofe come. 
 To me he came, and kifte me too; when I, 
 Me thought, didfaine I did afleeping lie ; 
 Me thought I Ictt him kiffe and kiffe agenn. 
 And louche me too {maydes male be toucht by men). 
 I, fifers,faythe [inc thinkes) that maide's vnwife 
 That will in private, to hir loue be nice ; 
 Tivo fay thfull lovers ca?inot fynn, I weene, 
 Soe what they doe, by others is not feene. 
 Nowe would the wagg be Jlroaking of my face, 
 A?id nowe my pappes, anon another place, 
 Delighting of himfelfe; fiJlers, you can 
 {Better then I) tell what beft likes a man ; 
 But fayth-la, girles, I cannot chiife but f mile, 
 I laie as yf I foundlie flept the while. 
 Permitting him to pleafe the appetite 
 Of his too toofond youth-lufl-btirjiing figJit ; 
 Fayning I foundeft flept, when hee did fteale 
 To vnhill that which maides fliould chiefjl conceale ; 
 But when as Jice' d haue come into my bcdd, 
 Thefeare I had to loofe my mayde7ihead 
 Azvaked me. Quoth thother fifters, what? 
 I hope we may dens leaf of all fear e that. 
 Beleeve me {quoth the elder girle) fliould I 
 With my ftveete-hart on my wedding-night lie, 
 Aiid fond him drowfie dull, like hcauie lead, 
 Hiuiting but coldlie for my maydoihcad, 
 Twould kill my toider hart : twould murder mee ; 
 The blufliing morne I nere fhould Hue to fee; 
 Oh I fJiould foil the roome with groanes : in morne 
 With lookes delected I Jhould feeme forlorne. But 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 But ivhen you 7vakt {quoth Jlie) chaft you not then f 
 Oh noe ! m that cafe maides nere chafe ivith men. 
 Though wee feeme angry at there boldeft partes, 
 Yet feldome comes our anger from our hartes ; 
 For in loices fporte {this is our f exes wyle) 
 We' el feeme tofrowne, when mofi of all we f mile. 
 Yet, fiflcrs, faith {quoth flie) me thought I weft 
 When I did wake, caufe I noe longer flept, 
 For troth-la, girles, fuch pleafure in't tooke I, 
 As in like dreame twoitld nere greiue me to die; 
 Had I a zvorld, Id' giu't to learne the fkyll 
 Ho7ve I fliould fleepe and dreame foe at my will. 
 Had I that arte, that matchles plcafing flyght, 
 Fewe dales Id'e haiic, cache dale Id'c turne to night : 
 Lye dowjte I "would, lulling my fclfc a fleepe, 
 Bidding my foule delightfull revells keepe. 
 Sild would I wake, but alwaies by my will 
 Ide fleepe, and dreame, and be einbracing ftill. 
 Nowe, fecond fifler, wake, I praie {quoth fliee). 
 And in your lafte nightes dreame come fecond me. 
 
 THE SECOND SI- 
 
 fters dreame. 
 
 'y He fecond fifter fome what modefl bold 
 -^ Reply' d: my dreame par flie by you. is told. 
 Before you flept, me thought I heard you faie 
 You in fweete miifinge did a longe tyme laie, 
 You mufutg figlid, and figh' d till fleepe did fleale 
 Vppon yotir may den eyes, their lidds to fcale. 
 At length you flept, and dreamt yo2t f awe your hue 
 {A dreaine indeed, which mtich vs maydes doe moue), 
 You kifle 7(jith him ; but 7vhcn he' ed with you lie, 
 That made you, wake, and out the bedd to flie. 
 But foe {me thought), fivcct fifler, did not I ; 
 For I {me thought) did think it was noe fynn 
 To lett a youth betiveene my flteetes leape in. 
 But yet for fafliions fake o^t tints Ide crye, 
 
 C 3 Praye 
 
The old 
 
 Praye gett you hence, feeke fome where els to lye/ 
 Yet this repulfc Jlioiild Jim foe faintlie come, 
 As it fliould feircer whett hijn on for roome; 
 For, coldlie to denie loues fweete delight 
 Sptirrs to a gallop the feirce appetite. 
 And, fifters, well you knowe, we jnaydes doe hold 
 Thofe yoiiiigmeji zveake which hu?tt loues chafe but cold ; 
 What is it to cry, fye, or, praye nowe, hence ? 
 Why, to a refolute mynde, that kindc offence 
 Too ope?t lies : oh / men are d.ef prate foes, 
 Vppon advantadge theile come in and clofe. 
 Ide ne're cry, fye, awaie, nor vtter this. 
 But I would clofely hiigg to him and kiffc. 
 Begone, furceafe, y'are rude; forbeare, I praie, 
 Of tymes fuch wordes I^ve gone abotit to faie. 
 But er'e thofe cruell wordes could haue their birth, 
 Tha'ue fmoth'erd bynn, and all has turnd to mirth. 
 Wagges well knowe howe to quench our angers flame, 
 Sweete kiffes, at firft kindling, dampe the fame, 
 For {Jifcers) Loue his fchollers this doth t cache. 
 Wee ioyne fliould lippes, to feale our lipfs from f peach. 
 And foe itfardwith vs; fpeachles we laie, 
 Giving to pleafures fweetned ftreame free waie. 
 Soe lo7ige [me thought) we dally d^ in the bedd. 
 As allmoft I had loft my maydenhead ; 
 But {girles) I curfe Dreamesy^//<? deluding guile. 
 As 1 7vas loofing it, I wakt the while. 
 Oh girles ! oh girles / zvho knowes what I did miffe ? 
 For I awakt in midfl of fweetefi blife ; 
 If euer mayde toucht Ne£lar with her lipp, 
 Then I {in drea?ne) of that fweet luyce did fipp. 
 But oh, I wakt ! oh then {awakt) my fpight. 
 For being wakt, afleepe fell all delight. 
 
 Nowe, eldefi fifter, yo2t mufl ivake {quoth fliee). 
 Your turne's to tell the next dreame after me. 
 And reafon to, the eldefi fiftter fay de, 
 Fife let on me fome forfey lure be laide. 
 But I mufl tell the dreame you haue told twice, 
 Vnles I fliould fome fay /led dreame devife. 
 Were here more then flue htmdred maydes, yet each 
 
 Of 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 0/vs, Jltould in one text and leffon pr cache, 
 For all we maydcs doe dreanic alike a nights ; 
 Then to our eyes appearcth pleafing fights. 
 And then a f mack we tajle (9/"loues delights ; 
 Oh that Dame Nature would hit heare my fute, 
 Then fliould our may den bodies bear noefruite ; 
 Or Toould it were noe fcaiidall to our Hues 
 To haue otir pappes giue fucke, er'e married wiues ; 
 I/zvith that pleafing graunt, we maydes were bleji, 
 Then foner would 7ve yield to loues requefie. 
 For a my fayth, girles, were it not for /care 
 To be with childe, Id'e ne're denie my Deare. 
 Oh then thefefalfe dreames fo7id deluding feghtes 
 Weed ne're care for ; zue'ed tafte loues tfuft delights. 
 More then tenn thowfand tymes. Foe thought to pyne 
 This mallenchollie fillen cor pes of myne, 
 For fild {alas) we maydes can tafte fweet loue 
 But our owne bellies doe the tell-tales prone. 
 With fullen puft-up pride alowde they reade, 
 Proclayming publickelye our private deed; 
 Happie are zviues,for they are nere afraide 
 Of that which terryfyeth mofte a maide ; 
 They male haue boyes and girles, and botes agen, 
 They male with huf bands lie, and other 7nen, 
 Yet Jiothing noted; but alas, poore we 
 Sild dare doe ought but what the world maie fee ; 
 Eache thinge it felfe againfte vs doth oppofe. 
 All thinges are blabbes, our fecrets to difclofe. 
 For fild we reape hues pleafure in the night. 
 But envious dale {tdur fiiames) bringes it to light. 
 Shelving too plaine at what game we haue beene. 
 Making our fweetlie ftolen pleafures feene. 
 Oh were it not for dreames, I wonder, I, 
 Howe we in bedd a nightes could brooke to he. 
 But come, lett thefe things paffe ; eyther of you 
 Your dreames haue told, my dreame beginneth nowe. 
 
 C 4 THE 
 
The old 
 
 THE ELDEST SI- 
 
 fters dreame. 
 
 OH {fifters) kno7ve yoii, to my raviflit fight 
 My lone zvith's amber locks appear d lafte night, 
 Bold hole, holdlie hce came as fear d of naught, 
 Shelving in what fchoole hee his /kill was ta^ight. 
 Scarce /peaking ought at all] yf ought, twas this, 
 Where's my Gcrle ? fmotheri?ig that too with a kiffe, 
 Nor with his kiffing /pent hee all the ?iight ; 
 Tntt [girles) our pafiiine yeclded more delight. 
 I dreamt it did doe foe, for you nnifl knowe 
 I did but onclie dreame it did doe foe ; 
 To hues embracementes wee {me thotight) fell then, 
 But loues fweete game is coldlie chafe by inen. 
 Yet 07ir fex workes loues labor eiCrye daie 
 With mindes as willing as men goe to plaie. 
 I girles, I girles, I fpeake in heate of blo2ide, 
 Men too too foone are tyr'dwith doying good; 
 But oh, deare girlis [fuch is our f exes kind) 
 One man maic pleafe vs all, except our mind. 
 For yf one man content one woman cann, 
 Then why fiiould it not be this youthfull man? 
 His vaines were full, foe fronge a back hee had 
 As Herculis to him was but a ladd; 
 Yf youth and ftrength 'tis, quencheth womajis fire 
 Then 'twas in him, as much as Ide defire. 
 But His not Oceans of that liquid ftuff 
 Which lyes in youthfulft men, that is eno7igh 
 To quench the mijides outragious frying flame. 
 For that once tfnd, age onely dampes the fame. 
 Manie a woman 'till fliee hath fr'yd twoo, 
 Difiafieth all hir firfte fweetehart doth doe ; 
 From ivhence praie comes thatl^uiie, thatfowre-fweetfmart? 
 Oh, th' ead of that fame fpringes, a divelijli harte. 
 But whether from my text am I nozoe fed? 
 My dreame was this, I loft e my fnay den head. 
 
 To 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 To that let me retoicrne : oh, tis delight 
 Vnto vs maides, to thmk but on that night. 
 Him fweene my armes one rvhile I did infold, 
 Another rvhile, he me, 'tweene his would hold ; 
 Entwindinge Icggs {me thought) with me he laie, 
 While I, withs citrled locks, did fporte and plaie. 
 Soe longe plaide we as, fijicrs, 7vell I wiffc, 
 Our fportcs extended further then to kiffe. 
 Soe longe I kifte, foe longe on's looks I fcdd. 
 As fur e in dreame I loft e my ?naydenhead. 
 But iftfters) was it in my powWe to cJioofe, 
 Then fuch a loffe Id' e eiCry mymite loofe, 
 For when we juaydes doe lofe 02tr mayden freafure. 
 Oh, by that lofse 7ve 7uynn a world of plcafure. 
 Fayth, Girles, maydes canjiot think what fzvect delight 
 T7V0 toilers take 7vhich 7varr i^i loues feirce figJit ; 
 To them, loathfom's the dale, otter the night. 
 But nowe I fighe, no7ve doe I greitie to thinke 
 That, that night my eye-lides did eiter 7vynke, 
 For when 1 7vakt [oh dream es ! oh drcarnes, fare theeues I) 
 And mi ft my lone, ludge then {girles) of my greeues ! 
 Oh, had I had tenn 7vorldes, I 7vould haue than 
 Gev'n all thofe 7vorldes {fcveete girles) for halfe a inati. 
 Me7i ftuffs their cheftes as full as they can hold 
 With cramU d-truft bagges of aungell-winged gold : 
 But what to doe? for footh, to by this land. 
 Oh, 7vould I had that duft of Tagus ftrand, 
 Ide not buy land or ho7vfes 7vith it, I, 
 For other merchandize Ide make it fie ; 
 Had I fuch laden truncks, this Ide doe than. 
 For eury night ith' yeare Ide buy a man. 
 For, fifters, I male f peak e to you my mi?id. 
 When I awakt, and lookt ?ny loue to find. 
 Feeling for' s neck, to clafpe that neck of his, 
 For's ruddy lipp, hoping that lipp to kiffe, 
 Fo/s 7vanfon legg,for myne with that fyntwind. 
 
 And fifters for , oh girles, you kno7ve my mind, 
 
 When for thefe louelie thinges I fearcht to fee, 
 
 D Btd 
 
The old 
 
 But cotdd Jiotjind, zvhere thofc fzveet things might be: 
 
 With bitter paffion, I burji out and cryd, 
 
 WiJJiinge, within my mothers womhe Id'e dy'd. 
 
 Oh fijlers ! oh fweete fijlers, then did I 
 
 Wijlie fatall Death attache me injtau7itlie. 
 Nowe did I ftare aboute ; ?towe did I call; 
 But when noe aunfzvere I could heare at all, 
 
 Vp i7t my f mock I rofe, and fear cht each place 
 {Oh girles, extreames our f ex, in louesjweete cafe), 
 Gropiiig beJiind cache trunck, feeling vfider bedd, 
 Me thought for him zvhich had my maydenhead: 
 And of t Ide crye, fweete wagg, thy f elf e difclofe, 
 For Iv'e another maydenhead to loofe. 
 But when 7ioe anfwere I could heare, oh then, 
 
 Weepings I figh^d and went to bedd agen, 
 
 Where, 07ie while tumhliiig that 7vaie, other this, 
 Nowe ffiotdd I fighe, noive my poor e pillow e kiffe, 
 Entzvinding it betzveene my ar?nes embrace, 
 Ide hugg't as yf my deare duck were in place, 
 Fayning[in that my frying paffions flame) 
 I hottlie chafte hues fweetft dclighff nil game. 
 But "cvhen /found my fence deluded foe. 
 My paffions heate, to coldnes then didgroive. 
 For fnyj/ing hi?n f grewe more cold then fione ; 
 OhH paynes 7ny heart to tell; come, letfs be gone. 
 Soe vp they rofe ; but er'e they went, I rufht 
 From zvhere I flood, at which the zvantotis bluPit. 
 
 Nowe, fir, I hope you fee what modeft chatt 
 Young maydes will haue when by themfelues theire gott. 
 Graues fwallowe them : were all dead, I'de be gladd ; 
 The beft of wiues, or maides, are worfe then badd. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 /'~^Ome, come, Diogefies, although thofe three 
 ^^-^In private mirthe exceeded modeflie, 
 Yet you doe 111 t' accufe foe gennerall ; 
 Caufe one is badd, therefore muft they be all ? 
 In foe concludinge, very 111 you doe ; 
 Noe man foe gen'rallie concludes, but you. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 A Nd by your leaiie, fir, Il'e conclude foe flill, 
 ■^^ Where one of them is good, tenn thowfand's 111. 
 What I haue faide, I will re-faie agen, 
 Wer't not for them, oh, bleffed were we men ! 
 Into vs men, they eate as ruft and moathes 
 Eates into Iron, and the fyneft cloathes. 
 Thou feeli this riv'led hollo\Ye-eyd face of mine : 
 Thoudll little thinke it has been decft-vp fyne, 
 And tricklie trym'd-vp in a womans guife, 
 Onelie to dive into their knaueries. 
 But duft thou heare (I fpeake it to their praife), 
 I haue a mary'd wife beene in my daies, 
 At leaftwife like one, for th'eile yet confeffe, 
 They once tooke old Diogines for noe lefle : 
 Noe butned dublett, on my back I bore, 
 A gowne downe to my heeles (wif-like) I wore, 
 And fuch attire, this head of myne did beare 
 As mary'd wiues in thofe daies vfd to weare. 
 Then to my chynn, noe briflye haires were knowne ; 
 Nay't had not entertayned anie downe, 
 But twas foe foft, foe fleek, as each man layd 
 When I paft by, there goes a wife or maide : 
 My curled locks hang in a careles guize, 
 With which the wynd did plaie in wanton wife. 
 Like to a wanton I was trymlie dreft, 
 But why I was foe, there confifts the left. 
 
 W"r, 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 waft thou foe ? I pry thee, Cynnick, tell 
 Till thou haft told it, I Ihall nere be well. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 T'^ 7Hy then be 111: in footh 'tis not my lifte 
 ^ ''^ To make thee laughe, for I'me a Satyrift. 
 
 D 2 Againe 
 
The old 
 
 Againe thy companie, I doe brooke foe 111, 
 As I would haue thee gone, had I my will. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 Wfl 
 
 , tel't mee then, and inflantlie fhalt fee 
 I will departe, and gett me hence from thee. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 /^N that condition I will telt : why, knowe, 
 
 ^^This was the caufe I went difguifed foe. 
 
 The Dames oi Athens, merrye wenches be, 
 
 And vnto meetings, giv'n are much, you fee ; 
 
 To gofip't with them I did long time longe, 
 
 To heare the verdid: of each womans tongue. 
 
 For well knewe I, when wiues are gott with wiues. 
 
 There's try alls to be heard, of huf bands lines ; 
 
 Falfe accufations, cruell Judgments then 
 
 (Vnmercy fullie) paffe vpon poore men, 
 
 To heare all which (tooth hazard of my life) 
 
 I tooke on mee the habitt of a wife. 
 
 And well I womand it when I did walk ; 
 
 But when at table, I were fett to talk. 
 
 Then did my tongue betraye me, for I trowe 
 
 It prou'd a lade in pace ; t' was dull and flowe ; 
 
 I mumping fatt ; I could not for my life 
 
 Make my tongue gallopp like a marry'd wife. 
 
 Twas caufe I lackt theire arte to Ipur it vp 
 
 Euer anan with a full fugerd' cupp. 
 
 Yet wind I it the befl that I could doe, 
 
 And nowe and then raild on my hulband too. 
 
 But marke mee nowe, nowe to my tale I goe. 
 
 The Cynnycks difcription of the manner 
 
 of womens goffypplng. 
 
 AS at our meate we fatt, twas hard to knowe 
 ■^^ Whether our teeth, or to7igues, did f aft eft goe. 
 
 At 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 At tables vpper end in cheifeft place 
 
 Salt 7naddam Will, in reeling dru7iken cafe ; 
 
 Light in atire fhee was ; fliees wojne?is god, 
 
 They hir true fubie^ls bee: but flie'es ma7is rodd. 
 
 Nothing by Will at a^iie tyme is /aide, 
 
 But is by wiues and widdozvcs Jlill obayd. 
 
 Wills Oration, 
 
 5^Vbie£les, quoth maddani Will, I here am fett 
 Not alltogeather to fe how e you eate, 
 Nor came I zuhollie to participate 
 With this your frcclic-Jpoken merry e prate, 
 But chiejiie wJiy amo}igJl you fiozve I co7ne, 
 Is, to knowe howe cache wife fares in hir home, 
 Howe by hir hufband fliee is dailie vfd, 
 Whether flie'es zv ell-entreated, or abufd; 
 Therefore yf anie of you fuffcr grcifc, 
 Knozv't I am Will, and zvill yeild you rcleife. 
 Be bold to fpeake, I am the wiues delight, 
 And euer zuas, and zvilbe, th'ufbandes fpight. 
 Il'e fitt as Judge vppon thefe wicked mem: 
 Doe you accufe, a?id II' e giue fe?itence then. 
 
 The old wiues complaynt againfte 
 hir younge hufband. 
 
 A T zvhich old Crona, ivith hir redd-blearc eys, 
 •^^ From of the floole file fatt, did firaytezvayes rife, 
 Aftd out aloude, to W\\\,for iuflice cryes. 
 Quothc flic, my foiCraygne Queene, 'tis not zvith tongue 
 I able am t' cxprcs 7ny dayelie zvrongr. 
 Three hufbandes haue I had; tzvo old, in truth, 
 But they the cropping had of my greene youth, 
 In lewe of which [to think on 7 nozve I' me f add) 
 They left me all the goodes and gold they had. 
 With Cattell Jlor' d-zvas all my pafture growndes, 
 
 D 3 With 
 
The old 
 
 Withfyne zvoold blcati)ig flieepe my hilly c doivfies. 
 Cramb'd was my barnes, my chejle with i?i'l did hold 
 Manie a Princes pi£lure in puere gold ; 
 A7id while they liv'd, that thing was wo7idrous Jkant 
 That Crona euer did fpeake-for and ivant : 
 Then in wealthes pleafures I did Jwymm and floate. 
 But out, alas, that e're old fooles Jhould doate. 
 Tor fine e their c deathes {oh Queene, I /peak 7 with ruth I) 
 Tond-foolifli I fett my loue o?i a youth, 
 Making him maijler and poffeffor quite 
 {In hope heed' doe to mee all true loues right) 
 Of all the golden goodes I ivere poffefl 
 And left-witJi, by their e foules, which 7iowe doe refle. 
 But {aye me, Caytif) neuer wretched I 
 Vntill this tyme knezve what was miferie. 
 Oh, nowe I fynd, this is the fweeter life, 
 To be an old mans niirfe, then a youths wife. 
 Tor's loue I zvedded him, but he aboue 
 Doth onelie knowe, who doth enioie his loue. 
 My bed hee loathes ; hee neuer giues me Ms 
 But hee cries, wife, reward my loue for this ; 
 Tor yf yotmge men oldwiues one kis affordes, 
 Tis for the loue th'aue to theire golden hordes. 
 Witho2it I buy his loue, heel lye all night 
 hi fullen wife, a?id difcofitented plight. 
 Not once foe much as turni?tg vnto ?ne, 
 Vnles a golden lure his eyes doth fee. 
 And nowe, greatc goddes Will^yi?/ loues intent 
 Soe longe I brib'd him haue, as all is fpe^it, 
 And I am caft-of; wherefore Ictt me craue. 
 That gainjl him, publick fentence I maie haue. 
 
 At zvhich fame periodd, all the wittles route 
 
 In her behalfe vnto dame Will cryd' out. 
 
 Dame Wills Sentence. 
 
 (^Vbiecl. quoth Will, well has thy fluent tongzie 
 *^ Exprcf with paff'ion thy too greate a wronge. 
 
 The 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 2'he fentence I pronouiice agamjl that wight 
 Is this : thou flialt torment him date and night 
 With that fame poyfned injlrume7it of thyne, 
 I meane thy to7igue ; then fialt thou fe, infyne, 
 Howe defpratelye, to hang himfelfe he'ele gadd, 
 Or els, howe foone he will proue braine-fick madd. 
 My fentence is, at noe tyme thou fialt reft, 
 But with thy tongue torment him ftill thy befie. 
 Infeilde, in bedd, at borde, in eache place flill 
 Ide ha2ie thee ftyng him ivith thy bitterft fkill. 
 Call him vp-flart, bafe fcumm, the worfi of worfl; 
 Afk him who made him, and 7vJw raifd Jiim firfe? 
 Tell him, e're thou mettft with him, hee did lacke 
 Shoes for' s feete, hofe fofs Icggs, and c loathes for'' s back ; 
 Such peales at all tymes ring thou in his eare. 
 It is my fentence ; doo 't, and doe not fear e. 
 To doe that hefl, awaie did Crona trudge, 
 Praifmg dame Will,/tfir a viofte vpright ludge. 
 
 The younge wifes complaint againft 
 
 hir ieolous headed old 
 
 hufband. 
 
 nr^Hat wrinckle-faced drudge Jioe fooner gone, 
 
 -^ But in hir place ftraight Jlept-vp fuch a one 
 As matchles was in beivties pleafing grace ; 
 One who exceld tones mother in the face. 
 Men call her Youtha : oh, greate queene, quoth fliee. 
 Since woemcns wrongcs thou rightfV, then right thou mee. 
 My couetous parents {not to Natures kinde) 
 
 Vnto an old man matcht me, 'gainfie my nri^ide. 
 Fortie fuch men, vnable are to qucnchc 
 The firye flames tyn'd in a luflfull wenche. 
 
 When burning \j\x^Q with's violent fcortching fire 
 Hath fmg'd my harte with paffio7is feirce defire, 
 Then in Loues chafe I hunt, for in Loues game 
 Remayneth that which quencheth Lufts hott flame. 
 
 D 4 Btit 
 
The old 
 
 But, twee7ie an old mans amies, wliai's there to quench ? 
 Still flares the flames, ty'?id in a youth/ull wench. 
 Yet yf that Jliiu' ring coldnes, heate allaies, 
 Then that in old me7i Jliall we find alwaies ; 
 As we are extreame holt, foe ft ill are they 
 Extreame in that fame cold extremytce. 
 But \o\iQS feirce fire, with fire inuft quenched be, 
 'Ells ftill the more it burnes : fo 't fares 7vith me. 
 For 'las, when hft hath heate me, I cannfind 
 His cold embrace, noe que?icher of my mind. 
 My parents might Jiaue matcht me to one dead, 
 As well as to a f apples old mans bedd; 
 I cann f?nale diffrence make, for moi, oncle] old. 
 Like dead nioi laye ; oh, th'are corruptly cold. 
 Rug' d-wrinckled is his face; his head in ft i owe 
 Scemes like a hillock, hild with milk white fnowe ; 
 His htimors heauier then fadd maffie lead. 
 His leggs like Ifecles doe warme my bedd; 
 Noe ftigjie of heate is in this aged fire, 
 'Les in his 7iofe, but that refembles fire. 
 What ftiall I faie , ther'es note, that doth Jiim fee, 
 But faies, the pi£liLre of cold winte'rs he; 
 Yet I {oh moft vnequall matche!) alas, 
 Enforfte to wedd with this cold dotard was. 
 With whom [greate Queene) Iftich a life doe leade 
 As I eache my mite iviftie 7ny felfe zvere dead. 
 Soe hath his aged difabillitie 
 Poffeffed him zvith this feende Icolofic, 
 As I caji?i noe waies goe from fight ofs' eyes, 
 But ftraitewaies after me he fendes his f pies; 
 Nor cann I talke with ante, but in 's head 
 Arrifethfome conceipte, II' e wrong his bedd. 
 Let but a trcch'rous doore in night once creake, 
 Thcnftraighthc doubles, ther'es fome with me would f peak e 
 Confrence with near eft kiiin^ heel not allowe, 
 Fearing we plott, to breake our weddlock vowe. 
 Which god he knowes [greate Queene) my f pott les mijid. 
 That waies, as yet, hath neuer beene inclynd. 
 
 ' Orig. knin. SmyU 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Smyle I, or weepe /, all is one ; for hee 
 Of whcC t foe eWe I doe, will ieolous hee : 
 If I doe fmyle, then f ayes he ftraight, Me had 
 Sport with my loue ; tis that makes me foe gladd. 
 If I am f add, then doth heefaie hee knowes 
 The fpring from whe?ice my mallanchollie flowes, 
 Vpbraydinge me, I'mc onelie fadd for this, 
 Becanfe viy loue, of his fett ho"cv're did viiffe. 
 Sttche is a griflie old mans fair e wines' fate, 
 As ieolous-headed he will deefue flie'elhav't, 
 Though ouer Mr hee fetts a thonf and f pies, 
 And eu' rye f pie, an Argris is, for' s eyes; 
 Therefore, fi7ice {ca^ifes) he doth wrong 7ne foe, 
 TeacJie me revenge againf this loathed foe. 
 
 Gitce fentence {Qiceene) zvhat JJiall bee done by me 
 
 Againf e him in revenge of's ieolofee. 
 
 Dame Wills fentence in the young 
 
 wifes behalf againft hir old 
 
 hufband. 
 
 "VrOutha, quoth maddam Will, with greate reguard 
 
 ■^ Hatie I, this thy fadd information heard, 
 And doe bewaile the fame ; but He' hane thee 
 Plague thy old hufband for his Ieolofee. 
 Yet Ieolous-headed men noe plagves doe neede. 
 For in themfelues fuficient plagues doe breede. 
 For looke, in what place lealofie doth dwell, 
 There are the torme?ites of an earthlie hell. 
 Yet f nee for ?ianght, he doubts foe faire a dame. 
 Thus fialt thou fling and torture him for tli fame. 
 In fecrett wife He haue thee faine his bedd. 
 And graft faire guilded Jiornes on' s fiver d head. 
 Such gloriojis fpriggs foe well in noe place growes 
 As in the riv' led furrowes of an old mans browes. 
 Thou art a woman, therefore canf not want 
 At all tymes f kill, fich fetts and grafts to plant. 
 
 E My 
 
The old 
 
 My fen fence is, thou Jlialt him foe begmia, 
 As make Jiim thinke he' s'^ father to that chiia 
 Which thou thyfelfe knowfi not who it hegott. 
 To gather goodcs for whom, fliall th' old drudge trott, 
 Not fparing night nor daie, tilVs life be done, 
 Howe to f crape wealth, to giue anotJters fonn ; 
 And caufe thy parents forjle thee to his bedd. 
 Thus zvill I haue thy parents punniflied. 
 Thou flialt, vnto thcirc fkarlct blufliing fliame, 
 Befpott them with the f potts of thy Jlaind 7iaf>ie, 
 Soy ling thy wedding JJieetes, faire Tvry white, 
 Withfowlc black fpotts of fait lufls loathd delight. 
 
 Bcwtcoiis Youtha, my fc7itence nowe is done, 
 
 See that on them the' res execution. 
 
 The goffipping wlues complaint 
 
 againft hir riche churlifhe 
 
 hufband. 
 
 'T^His fentence giv'n, the whole route 'gann to rife, 
 -^ But pert pi iche-tongued Goffii^pa {7vhofe eyes 
 Contaynd of bryiiniflie teares a criflall fluude) 
 Starts-vpp, and praies Dame Will, to hir be good. 
 Of all thy louing fibie5ls I {quoth fliee) 
 Haue euer yet beene found faythfulft to thee, 
 And therefore, my good Queane, let me acquaint e 
 Thy gentle eares with one petition plainte. 
 Two thinges I loue ; tzvo vftiall thinges they are : 
 Thefirfte, newefafJiiond cloathes I loue to weare, 
 Newre tires, newe ruffes, I, and newe geflure too; 
 In all nezvefafi lions I doe loue to goe. 
 The fecond thing I loue, is this, I wee?te, 
 To ride aboute to haue thofe newe cloathes feene: 
 At eu' rye goffipping I am at Jlill, 
 And etier wilbe, male I haue my will. 
 For at ons owne howfe, praie, who iff cannfee 
 Howe fy fie in newe found fafli ond tires wee bee? 
 ' Orig. his. Vnles 
 
dogg barkes, 
 
 Vnles our Jmfba7ides? faithe, hit very e /ewe. 
 And whoo'd goe gate to pleafe a Inif hands venvef 
 Alas, we ivhies doe take but /male delight, 
 Yf none {be fide our hufbandes)fe'es that fight. 
 It ioyes our heartes, to heare an other man 
 Praife this or that attire that wee weare 07i. 
 Wee iocond are, and thinke our felues 7nuch grajie, 
 Y/we heare one faie, faire wenche, faithe, in wafte 
 This ftraight-girt gowne becomes you paffing well ; 
 From other Taylors, yours doe beare the bell: 
 Oh, hee that well cann a£le-out fuch fweete partes, 
 Throwes-up the lure which wynns our verye hartes. 
 When we are fiubbornft, thett let men with f kill 
 RubUes well with th'oyle of praife, and bend we will; 
 TJiat fnioothe-fyne fupple oyle doth fo/te?i vs foe, 
 As what iji then we will not yeild vnto? 
 Meeti^iges and braucrye were my delig/{t: 
 Thofe were the two : but {greate que en e) he' res the fpight.- 
 Without greate Jiore of wealth be dailie gai^ide. 
 Of all delightes, thofe are the worfte niaititaind ; 
 A7id therefore I did alwaies plott i7i 77ii7id 
 Howe, a wealthie riche hiifband, out to fifid, 
 A7id 07ie Fve gott: but fiicJi a chiirle is hee, 
 As fear ce a pe7i7iy will beftoive on ?/iee; 
 A7id that fiall 7teuer come, btit {fore I ha'te) 
 The niiferable clow7ie, will f cratch his pate, 
 Alwayes de7naundinge what with 7 I will doe, 
 A7id the7i comes out, her'es fuch a flir with you. 
 A man had better ridd-be of his life, 
 Then clog'd with fuch a fydling fooliili wife. 
 Such are his tauntes, whoi I dcmaund Jiim ought, 
 As what I gctt fro77i liim is dcarelie bought. 
 I can7iot groff lie feed, for I in footh 
 Haue a tender 7nazve, and a daintie tooth. 
 Thefe beetles a7id 7nuttons are but homeliefare. 
 My appetite doth thi7'fefor ivhafs 7nof rare: 
 Had I v7ito 7ny 7nind, the7i I would eate 
 Still of the fyneft pallat-pleafuig 7neate. 
 
 E 2 But 
 
The old 
 
 Biitfye 011 Iwgges ! oli ! there is none lines, lines 
 See Jlraungl/llic Jiatcfull as thefe rich churles -mves , 
 For yf I can7iot gnaive a hard drye crujle, 
 Manie a daic, fajle-oitt the tyme I inujle. 
 lujle like to Tantalus it fares with niee. 
 For what I hunger-for, I akvaies fee. 
 All zvhat againft him Id'e to faie, Ive faide: 
 Noive queene, I doe ymplore thy counfells ayde. 
 I caniiot goffipp it nor cami goe trymin, 
 Caufe I want arte, to ivorke coi?ie out from him. 
 Tatting Gollippa here-at holdes Mr tongue, 
 With praying maddam Will to right her wronge. 
 Silc7ice beinge made, thtis dame Will replies. 
 
 Wills fentence vppon the 
 rich churie. 
 
 5^Vbiefl, quoth fliee, Me heard thy Iniuries; 
 And yf they all bee true which I did heare, 
 The?i are they too too much for thee to beare, 
 For to vs women thefe thinges are mojie III, 
 Z" abate our prides, and to rejiraine our zvill. 
 If hee bee riche ; his barnes are fill of graine. 
 Where hee one buflicll fells, fell thou Jlill twaine ; 
 His fwyne, flieepe, geefe, henns, dttcks, doe thou convaie, 
 I, fell his very fliirtes, but goe thou gaie ; 
 Of all men, hee vnzvorthffi is of life 
 That will not, lafte of all, mijlrujle his wife. 
 A 7iightes, faile not but pick the churles Jhft purfe : 
 Yf hee doth fware, I hope thy tongue cann ctirfe, 
 But yf his barnes, purfe, yarde, and all doc fay le, 
 Then to tK old vfe put thou thy nimble tayle ; 
 Lett that workefor thee; for by that fame waie 
 Ther'es manie a woman makes hir felfe [^c] gaie. 
 That waie thou, inaijle tJie fupple fattins ware, 
 That waie thou niaijie feed, on thee'^ daintfjl fare ; 
 Yf noe waie elfe thou canfte make thy felfe trymm, 
 Then that waie, lis my will, thou puniiifh him. 
 
 * orig. then. Whoo'd 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 IVhoo'd fweafe and toyle for this fame golden treafure, 
 When one male gett it with the fivecteft pleafure. 
 Thou knowft my minde ; GoIFippa, doc it then : 
 Faire wenches cannot zvant, while there are 7nen. 
 
 DIogynes makes himfelf 
 
 knowne. 
 
 AT th'end of which lame fentence all arose, 
 Where-at my felfe to them I did difclofe ; 
 But er'e I did it, I did gett to th' ^ dore, 
 For, had they caught me, they'd haue vfd me fore 
 To hold me, eu'rye woman out did crie. 
 But, being out theire reache, awaie rann I; 
 Gladd that Id'e feene and heard theire knauerye. 
 
 Nowe, fir, Ive iuftlie told, for what intent 
 I, like a woman, amongfl: women went. 
 Yf you on theire behalfes haue ought to faic, 
 Sait'e fome where elfe, or gett you hence awaie. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 'T^O what thaft' faide, fmale creditt I cann giue, 
 -'- For I can neuer made-be to beleeue. 
 That creatures halfe devine for glorious bewtie. 
 Should foe refpeClles be to man in dutie. 
 Thinges eu'rye waie foe perfect faire in fhowe, 
 In virtues, fuUie perfecl are, I knowe. 
 
 Diogy7ics. 
 
 'T^Hou knowft it, dooft? awaie, thou art an elfe, 
 •^ What canit thou knowe, that knowell not thy felfe? 
 The golden-fkaled fnake's a louelie thingo, 
 Had not that glorious worme a poyfned ilinge; 
 Of maides and wiucs noe barrell better bee ; 
 Would God made none, but what were 'fpoke of mee. 
 * Orig. to'oth. E 3 Allexander. 
 
W"^' 
 
 llie old 
 
 Allcxander. 
 prithee fpeake ; howe manie wouldfl haue then ? 
 
 Diogynes. 
 "C^Or one halfe girle, tenn hundred thowfand men. 
 
 A llexander. 
 
 "VJOwe fie vppon thee, Cynnick, why doft bite, 
 
 -^^ And fett foe pure a thing as woman, light? 
 
 I am a fhamd' of thee; doe what I can, 
 
 I cannot think thou art a perfect man. 
 
 I doe beleeue that thou at noe tyme hafte 
 
 That manhe heate, which caufeth man to wafte. 
 
 Thou art noe man ; for, we'rt a man, I'me fure 
 
 A woman's companie thou couldft endure. 
 
 But faie, thou wert enforft vppon they Hfe 
 
 To take thee to fome one to be thy wife. 
 
 What kinde of woman-creature wouldft thou chufe, 
 
 Yf it were foe thou mightft' it not refufe. 
 
 Diogyiies. 
 
 "DY hanginge, Ide chufe rather end my Hfe 
 -^ Then Id'e a woman haue, to be my wife. 
 But were it foe, that one I needes muft haue, 
 And that I had noe waie my felfe to faue. 
 Then all the world Ide' feeke, but I would fynd 
 A woman for my wife, dumb, deafe, and blinde. 
 Befides, yf I could pofsiblie prevaile, 
 Ide feeke the world, for one without a taile. 
 
 Mofl men, in bodie wafted are by wiues ; 
 
 But fuch, I'me fure, would proue reftoritiues. 
 
 Allcxaiider. 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 T^Ie, man ; why what in woman doofl thou fee, 
 ■*- That they foe much diftaftefull are to thee? 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 "VTOe more then thou maifle fee, yf th'art not bhnd, 
 ^ ^ Why mofte of them hudge gyantes are for minde. 
 Pride keepes hir faire in eache faire wantons face. 
 And Lujie keepes in theire tayles hir ma.rkett place. 
 Revengefull Wrath theire furious tongues doth fwaie, 
 From labor, drowfie S loath their handes doth ftaie, 
 In fyns fweete-poyfned luyce dritiiken theile be. 
 And Envic others, drunken foe to fee. 
 
 What fee I not in them ? they are the Inns 
 Wherein doth lodge thofe monftrous murdring fynns. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 T^Ie, Cynnick, thou dofle blowe too bitter aire 
 •^ On tender blolToms, which are fweetlie faire. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 "VT'F fhee be faire, and a fharpe-witted one, 
 ■^ And honefte too ; a Phenix fhe'es alone. 
 Who hath tenn Heradeffes flrengths in's loines. 
 And with a faire, fharpe-witted wanton loyns. 
 Shall be affurd, the home on's browe to fynd. 
 Whoo'l quench a wantons lufte, muft quench the mind; 
 Th'are proude; eache wench would bee an Allexander, 
 And by hir will, ouer a world commaunder. 
 But yf not proude, nor lullfullie inclind, 
 Then eyther foole, or fcold, of hir fhalt fynd. 
 Eyther of them, mans patience foe would alter, 
 As they would make him (Iraight make vfe ath halter. 
 They are all naught, I cannot brook em, I 
 
 E 4 Would 
 
The old 
 
 Would I were Deathe, then women all fhould die. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 IVTAie, fie, Cynnick, thou railfl too gennerall, 
 
 -^ ^ Thou mufte not, for fome fewe, condemn em all ; 
 
 Thou talkft, as yf thou wert noe womans fonn ; 
 
 I would th'adst trauaild but as I haue done ; 
 
 Although th' Athenians givn are to theire will, 
 
 And hue a life difpleafinge (hatefull ill). 
 
 Yet fince my travaile (whereas I haue beene), 
 
 Aboundance vertuous women I haue feene. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 /^H, ya'r a trauayher! praie, are you foe? 
 
 ^-^ Where you haue beene, black fwanns you haue feene too. 
 
 Good trauayler, the hearing'e I will giue you. 
 
 But you fhall giue me leaue not to beleeue you. 
 
 Women are naughte : Il'e talk noe more with thee ; 
 
 And therefore naught, becaufe women they bee. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 /^H, flraung ! yf Allexander heard but thee, 
 ^-^For womens fakes (Tme fure) thou'dft punnifht be. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 ^Oe, telt' him, goe; I doe as little care 
 
 ^^ For him as thee ; let both doe what you dare. 
 
 Tell me of him ? I feare him not a flie ; 
 
 I dread not might, Diogynes am I. 
 
 Hees but a man ; Il'e ne're fawne for mans grace ; 
 
 What I haue faide, Il'e boldlie faye too's face. 
 And wer't, he were as badd as women bee, 
 Id'e bite the monnark to his face ; fhouldll fee. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
dogg barkes. 
 
 Allexander. 
 
 HE knowes thou wouldft, in that I knowe the fame, 
 For I am hee ; for this caufe here I came, 
 To heare thy wittie bluntnes, and to fee 
 Whether thy fayings and thy deedes agree. 
 Come, Cynnick, burne this tubb, and followe me, 
 And vnto noble titles He raife thee. 
 
 Diogynes. 
 
 THou wilt ; but I will not ; none can raife me ; 
 I'me in my tubb as greate a King as thee. 
 Who holdes the world and it's vaine trafh for flight. 
 He trulie conquers it ; giue him his right. 
 iVnd foe doe I: therefore, hudge Allexander, 
 I hold my felfe (ath twaine) the greatfl commaunder. 
 I will not begg to rule and governe landes; 
 Onelie thy abfence, He begg at thy handes. 
 I prethee pack thee hence, and gett thee gone ; 
 The companie rtill is befl, where is but one. 
 Goe, feeke thee out an other world to wynn, 
 And putt the women of this world therein ; 
 But let that world be farr enough ; and then 
 Learning and virtue will encreafe with men. 
 
 Naught elfe I haue to begg ; graunt but this fuite, 
 Then henceforth euer fhall my tongue reft mute. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 AN 
 
AN APOLOGIE. 
 
 YOii choycejle creatures, {you which god did take 
 From-out ma7is felf, mans comforter to make); 
 Difcom/ort not your felucs, nor he difmayd 
 At what a dogged Cynnick here hath fayde. 
 What though fowre-chtcrlijhe-he {too currifh blynde) 
 Hath barkt too hroadlye gainjle your gentle kind. 
 Yet little doth fuch clouds keepe fro77i our fights 
 Your fhynninge virtues, this ivorldes fplendanntst lights. 
 Happlye his gaily vennym'd fpeech proceeds 
 As groimded hy fclf-doyinge divelifhe deedcs. 
 Dead is the dogg, I hope, and for your f ex 
 The fpirritts doth his fpirritt hottlye vex. 
 Excufe my worke, it paints the Cynnick forth, 
 And to the 7vife it nothingc ftaines your worth. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
A MORRALL SATIRE 
 
 yjititiiled the Owles araygne- 
 ment. 
 
 Hen fowles cottld talke with rcafon like to 7ne7t, 
 This accident a^nongjl em Jiappend then ; 
 ' Before the Prince offowles the Owle was brought 
 \To aiinfwere why /he did things lawles naught : 
 ' Hir adverfaries were the batt, ///^thrufh, 
 
 With others moe : who flight' lie in the bnfh 
 
 Shee eyther fcard with fkrecking fearefiill cries, 
 
 Or fodeynlie {ere wahe) did thevi Jurprize ; 
 
 Wherefore they apprehejiding Mr did crane 
 
 That they againji hir might iufte luftice haue. 
 
 Create Prince, quoth they, to death put thou this Owle, 
 
 She is a vildlie living wicked fowle : 
 
 Vnfitt to Hue: all dale fhee fleepes ; a nightes 
 
 Smale birds fhee kills ; the beft and greatft f he frights, 
 
 Breaking our quiet fleepe with her fell noyfe 
 
 Of manlike lure and yatilijtg-w hooping voice ; 
 
 And therefore, fouWaigne Prince, wee all doe craue, 
 
 Since fhee deferveth death^ death f he male haue. 
 
 The Eagle Jlernlie mild putt them a fide, 
 
 Commaunding filens thits the Eagle cryd: 
 
 Come forward, Owle, and free thy hart from- feare, 
 
 Speakefreelie, bird, true iuftice 1 doe here; 
 
 Before my fword of iujlice Death doth firike, 
 
 TJi accufer and th' accufd I hear e alike ; 
 
 Bribes nor affe^ion maks my clear e eys blind. 
 
 And therefore freeliefearles f peak thy mand. 
 
 When th' oivle did hear e this mild f peach of hir Lord, 
 
 Couradg fhee tooke in gejlure and in word. 
 
 C hearing hir f elf e, fhee thus tooth Eagle cryes : 
 
 Impartiall iujlice comes from Maiejlies, 
 
 F 2 And 
 
The Owles 
 
 And Jince your highnes doth thus dame to heare 
 Aly caitfe your felfe ; my caufe I little feare. 
 For what need /, quoth Jliee, dread ante thing. 
 Being my caufe is heard before my King? 
 Let murdrers quake when hiftice f hakes hir rodd. 
 The luft nerefeares the ludgmejit of lufl god. 
 Noe more will /, fince freelie plead I mufi 
 {In guilt les caufes) before a King foe iiifl. 
 Two accufations are againfl me layde ; 
 To be a viurdrcr is thefirft I'me fayde. 
 The fecond is that I in fy lent night 
 With manlike voice f male birds and f owles afright. 
 Great Prince, I both confes ; butfirfte He fhowe 
 The caufe and reafon which makes me fkreck foe ; 
 A nightes I hollowifig zvhoop and wondring crye, 
 But, gratious Prince, this is the reafon why. 
 
 In cache place I doe fee proudc Babells built. 
 
 With cloude-b raving turretts daubd-oWe with guilt. 
 
 With in thofe Babells I doe peepe to f pic 
 
 The princelie prefence of your maiefiie, 
 But when in fleed of you {on bedd offirawe) 
 I fee that tailing bird, the lack-adawe. 
 
 With admiration then awaie I flic, 
 Then lo ho ho, then wo ho ho crye I. 
 
 Sometimes I daringlie prefume to peepe 
 Within your Court when all your courtyers fleepe, 
 Where when I fee the prating parratt gradd, 
 And birdes of better ivorthfor him difpladd. 
 Or when I fee the plumy peacocks pride 
 To flriue to lie bfsfo^Craigne Princes fide, 
 And fe the valia^it Cock zvith fwaines to Hue, 
 That fight much wonder to my eyes doth giue. 
 With admiration then awaie I /lie, 
 Then lo ho ho, then wo ho ho crie I. 
 
 Sometimes I flic ore Nep tunes glaffic foile 
 To veiwe the fhipps of our fe a- girt-in He, 
 
 But 
 
Araignenient. 
 
 But when I fee howe nakedlie they bee, 
 Hoive like they are tooth ivinter-fhaken tree, 
 And howe from them all braue fea birds are fledd. 
 Then like a malecontent I hang doivne head. 
 With admiral ioji the?i awaie I file, 
 Then lo ho ho, then wo ho ho crie I. 
 
 Sometimes ore ftdnd-paud Citties I take flight, 
 Where to my nigJit-cleard eyes admired fight 
 
 I fee the Cuccoe build in houfe his neafle, 
 Which ere was zvont to be Silvanus guefte ; 
 
 Bafelie brooking each cock-fparrowes rivalrye, 
 
 Suffrings mate for trafh to bath in brothelry. 
 
 A nights, fuch fights prefented to my eye, 
 
 Makes me with wonder, wo ho ho to cry. 
 
 This is the caiife, greate Prince, why in the night 
 I wonder foe ; nowe where they doe indight 
 Me for a fmtrtherer : your grace f hall find 
 Fme leafie of all your nobles foe inclind; 
 Gtu[l'\tles I plead; or yf 1 guiltie be, 
 With me muft die your whole nobility. 
 Your Hawkes {dread foziraigne Prince) doe dailie kill. 
 And dailie doe devoure, eate-vp, andfpill 
 Your honeft fubiecls, yet theres not a taint 
 Laies hold of them ; 'gainft them the' res noe complaint. 
 Greate-peares 7iere to Princes fhould not doe foe ; 
 By their ftepps we track 7uhich waie Kings doe goe. 
 As Phebes light from Phebus doth proceed, 
 Soe doth a great Lords a£lfroms Princes deed. 
 Yf Kings e7i doted with vice their Virtues ftmn. 
 That f elf e thick-foggye courfe their peeres will runn. 
 Yf I doe murther, they doe murther too ; 
 What waie I goe, that waie yotir hauks muft goe, 
 Elfe, gratious Prince, your lawe giues waye and place 
 To fuch as are, or are not i7i your grace. 
 Elfe greate ones open mate your mercy es doore. 
 Sucking the fatt from men but meanlie poore, 
 Biiuftly wronging poore-poore vndcrlings 
 
 F 3 For 
 
The Owles 
 
 For pettie crymes: when, vjider yotir owne zmngs, 
 Far fozvlcr ails ivithi7i themfebics tJicy nurrifh, 
 And confcicnslcs, the vildejl dambd things cherrifh. 
 But foe it Jhould not be, my fouraigne King; 
 For from a Kingdo?ns lawes cleere chriftall fpriiig, 
 Alike all ftreaincs fhould ru?in: I, eu'ry where 
 That fhould fpoute water vncorrtiptlie cleare. 
 Let it doe foe, ?ny Prince: let poor e mans crynie 
 Be iudgd like their es: w'are made of f elf-like flime. 
 All kings are carthlic gods; therefore fhould Kings 
 In an impartiall ballance weigh all thiriges. 
 The iufteft iudge doth foe; and foe fhould you, 
 Like that corruptles iudg, in all pointes doe. 
 Ifreelie fpeake; the caufe I fpeake foe free 
 Is, 'caufe atfirft, great Prince, yoit licenfd mee. 
 I haue accufd, but not excufd; for fill 
 My fauWs not leffondfor an others ill ; 
 Therefore, my Priiice, to this my pleadi^igs tend, 
 You' I quitt 7ny fault, and He 77iy fatilt amend. 
 The Prince, well lifjiing to th' appeaching Ozvle, 
 Times to the hawkes, o?i whom with wrathfull fcowl 
 He fix t his eyes. Quoth he, fpeake, is it tr^le, 
 Aly 7iobles, which this owle reports of you ? 
 In guiltles bloud haue you embriid your ha7ids? 
 THs 77i07iflrous vildef why, you' r' the propps of lanas. 
 The fteres-men to your Pri7ice ; by you hees lede; 
 By who77i but you fJiould he be coznifelled? 
 Yotir heades fhould cojidui^s be : cleare crifallfpri77gs, 
 From which fhould powre al wholfoin virtuous things; 
 Fro77i your brai7icsfou7itai7ies,fucJi pure ftrea77isf]iouldflowe. 
 As by that i7ioyfure things fhozi Id florifhi7ig growe. 
 Wherefore e7ia^ I lawes zvith yotir co7ifent? 
 I thinke, to piuiifh vice was our i7ite7it: 
 Will you that are parte-77iakers of the lawe, 
 Be breakers ofitfirft? How the7i i7i awe 
 Shall 1 7}iy fubie^s ha^ie? why, when they fe 
 You drownd i7i vice, thefle deeme the like of 77ie. 
 Difgracefullie the7i this they will report, 
 
 Howe 
 
Araignement. ■••.''''».•-'' 
 
 Howe their' s a7i extreame/amin grown at court; 
 Of virtuous men, theres fuch a/amin grown. 
 As fcarcelie one about the Court is knowne. 
 Byyoufhalllgroive to loathd infamie. 
 And iudgd the nurfe of fowle-fcll tyranny ; 
 And therforc, ^/lobtes, yf you' r' free and clcare 
 From thefe dambd Jiaynos crimes, makt 7iow appeare. 
 
 Silence being made, the guiltie nobles, 
 Seing themfelues to growe to dangrous trebles. 
 Thus {defpratly) replies : oh King, quoth they, 
 I hope vnto our murthers youl giiie waie. 
 Yfwe make fpoile, and other birds vndoe, 
 We take thex' ample, foiiraign Prince, from you. 
 We nerejl Princes Imitate them fill, 
 We be the emblens of your good or III; 
 Yf you flaie, we flaie ; yf you faue, wefaue. 
 All Ki7igs about them manie fhadowes haue ; 
 For this our fault we feeke not make excufe, 
 Caufe from your fclfe fprang firfe this faults abu/e ; 
 And therefore, Kifig, yf youl haue fitbi eels awe, 
 You muft not onelie make, but keep yo2ir lawe. 
 
 This peremptory e aunfwere fo incenjl 
 His maiejlie, as tweene them wars comenjl. 
 But while as they were foe at Civill flrife. 
 The Owle, that malefactoiir, faues hir life; 
 She, being loofe, awaie from keeper fc2idds, 
 Lufking from fight all dale in thickejl woods ; 
 
 But eu'ry night, about the oiitlawe flies, 
 
 foying hir efcape ; wo ho \\ofhe cryes. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 W. G. 
 
II-*' t_ r r 1 » 
 
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 2G0782 
 
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