= =— ^ GIFT or psi.: THE r»\ .••■:."^ •\: EVER(xREE>- I FREEDOM HILL THE PLACE OF EVERGREEN HAPPINESS WRITTEN BY THE FOUNTAIN PEN OF FREEDOM HILL HENRY PRINTED AND DRESSED AND PSYCHOLOGISED BY THE FREEDOM HILL FOLKS PRICE TWENTY FIVE CENTS WHICH IS TOO MUCH IF YOU DON'T READ IT AND NOT ENOUGH IF YOU DO FREEDOM HILL PRESSERY WHICH PRINTS BRAIN TICKLERS RFD A BURBANK CALIFORNIA This hand printed edition is limited to 500 copies numbered and autographed. Number 2 ^ ^ ^ Copyrighted 1919 by Lcroy Henry INSTEAD OF A PREFACE Dear Comrade: If you like this booklet, lend it to your poor friends and tell your rich friends to buy a copy. If you don't like it, keep quiet, and consult a specialist on mental diseases. I am an insane specialist and I can readily tell whether any one is just right in his mind. If you agree with my notions, then you are all right. If you don't agree with me, then I know you are crazier than I am. But there is hope for you. I also dis- pense other kinds of medicine. And I be- lieve you have the ability to learn to see and know that everything in this world — or anywhere else — is beautiful, and good, and joy-giving. And the only thing that prevents our being evergreen happy is our crooked notions. We ought to go to a blacksmith or some other smith and have our crooked notions straightened under chloroform, instead of letting Nature do it by her slow, painful process. Freedom Hill Henry 415011 Digitized by tiie Internet Arciiive in 2007 witii funding from IVIicrosoft Corporation littp://www.arcli ive.org/details/freedomliillplaceOOIienrricli w o Q W Freedom Hill the place of evergreen happiness Bead at the Crank's Convention on Freedom Hill, Sep. 3, 1917. The name ** Freedom Hill," applied to tliis hill, has been criticised. The critic said the hill is not free. If she meant the fruits and flowers here are not free for everyone to pluck at pleasure without per- mission, then she was right. When the boys and I came to this hill four and a half years ago, the hill was covered with sage brush and fresh air. Everything else that is here now has been produced by us and belongs to us until we sell or give it away. So it seems to me. By some politico- economic legerdemain it may be iigured out that our products do not belong to us who produced them. But I am not very skillful at philosophical mental slight-of- hand, and ao I am not able to figure out how these fruits belong to Tom, Dick and Harry when Henry, Harper and Company produced them. If the critic thought the name ** Free- dom Hill** means a hill on which she could do as she pleased regardless of other peo- pie's rights and welfaxe, then she was right in saying this is not a freedom hill. If one wants a hill that is free in that sense, she can go to any hill and do as she pleases and take her chances on getting caught. The only place on earth that a person could do as he pleased in that sense was on Kobinson Crusoe's Island before Friday came. If you want that kind of freedom you can find an island in the ocean that will just fit your wants. But if you are going to associate with other human beings then that kind of freedom becomes limited. Possibly the critic found fault with the name because people cannot do as they please here without reaping the conse- quences. It is a fact that the laws of Nature apply to this hill as well as to the rest of the universe. The law of cause and e£fect holds good here. No, this is not really a freedom hill. That is only a name that I applied to it and so far it has stuck. The winter rains have not washed it oflf, nor have the simi- mer suns curled it off. Where is a real freedom hill? I mean a hill on which you can do as you please without suffering any unpleasant results; a hill where you can have everything you want and nothing but what you do want. There are such hills, and if you will fol- low me forty minutes I will show you one, and you can buy a lot on it, build a bunga- low, get a Ford, subscribe for **Tlie Times** and ever after live happily. Where can it be found? I don*t think you will find one in any geography, nor on any map of the earth. Freedom hills are to be found in the heads of happy people — in the consciousness — where all the most valuablo things are found. But let us look at the subject from a material standpoint. I suppose a freedom hill would be a hill on which free people lived. I have not yet seen any free peo- ple on this hill, not even when I look into the looking glass. All the people I have seen on this hill are slaves. I do not mean negro slaves, nor wage slaves. I mean white slaves — appetite slaves, passion slaves, pride slaves and sensation slaves. A free person is one who does as he pleases — all the time. He has nothing but what he pleases to have; he gets nothing but what he pleases to get. You may not agree with my definition of freedom. If you don*t, that is your misfortune and not mine. My definition stands, with me, until I choose to change it. **Jack and Jill went up a hill To fetch a pail of water; Jack fell down and broke his crown, And Jill came tumbling after.** That is a quotation. I do not write tragic poetry. They didn't go up a free- dom hill, because on a freedom hiU they would get just what they wanted, and nothing but what they did want. They got the pail of water. That they wanted. They also got a tumble, which they did not want. Can you imagine a condition of free- dom — a hill of freedom on which you could have all the ice cream you want but no scream for castoria? Where you could have all kinds of cake you want but no stomach ache? Where you could eat all the ham and bacon and pigs* feet you want but have no pig diseases? We are in slavery as long as we can't get what we want, all that we want, and nothing but what we do want. Do you think we shall ever become skillful enough to get all that we want and nothing but what we do want? Or, in other words, do you think we shall ever become free? If we can't become skillful enough to get what we want, maybe WE CAN BECOME SIMPLE ENOUGH TO WANT WHAT WE GET, and that would amount to the same thing. In order to do and to get what we please we may have to change our pleases. If we could change our pleases to what we do do, and to what we do get, then our doing and our getting would corre- spond with our pleases. Then we could say we do as we please and get what we please. It is wonderful how logic can make impossible things easy. The way to do as we please is to be pleased with what we do. The way to get what we want is to want what we get. The way to be free is to be content with out lot. Now I have given you a secret of hap- piness — a secret worth a million dollars to you if you will take it and use it. And I am not charging you a dollar for it. I am a rich man and can afford to give away millions of dollars worth every year. There are about seventy of you people here, and if I received what this informa- tion is worth, I would get seventy million dollars to add to my bank account, which would give me a bank balance of seventy million and seventeen dollars drawing four per cent interest. But I will not charge you anything for it. It is not worth anything to you unless you accept it — and you won't accept it. I have had experience in trying to teach people these things. I don't deceive my- self any more by believing I am helping people in telling them such things. Many years ago I wrote an essay on Non-attach- ment and I have read it to about a hun- dred and fifty people. But as far as I know only one person accepted the idea. And in a few months' time she changed herself from an ordinary miserably happy woman, like some of you, to one of the happiest women in the city. I was puffed up with conceit in my ability to lead people out of misery into evergreen happiness. The next miserable woman who came under my influence, I worked on for a year, but left lier as miserable as I found her. My conceit bubble was broken and ever since I have been a humble citizen. I am saying these things to you just for my own pleasure. A canary bird doesn't sing for your benefit. He sings for his own pleasure and cares nothing for your applause or hisses. Somebody has said something against casting pearls before swine. But I find there is no danger in it. Swine will not take the pearls. Swine would rather root in a dung heap for delicious grains of com, or something else to tickle the palate, or some other of the five senses. **He that hath ears to hear, he will hear. * * If you should find an ear doctor who can adjust ears so they can hear some- thing besides the sound of the dinner bell and the clothing-house bell, and the dance bell, and the village belle, I wish you would let me know. I would like to find an ear doctor who could attune ears so they could hear the still small voice that speaks from within, or some other voice worth while. And when I find him I will take treatments of him, and get a bunch of his cards to give to you. I know what you will do after hearing this essay. You wiU continue to try to get happiness out of sensation and emo- tion sprinkled with a bit of intellect. That is what ycu, and I, have he«n trying all our lives, and we are still following the injunction, *'If at first you don't succeed, Tiy, try, again.** We shaU try to smell only the pleasant odors. We shall smell the carnations and the roses and the bottled perfumes. But in spito of our efforts, w© shall smell the dead mouse back of tho chest, and the to- bacco smoke in front of the chest. And so with sounds, and sights, and feelings. The most of our time and money and en- ergy are devoted to the seeking of pleasant sensations — tickling the five senses. To the most of us, life is a tickling process. In tickling we live and move and have our being. This is not a bible quota- tion, but it is as true as scripture. We have five senses, several emotions and a little intellect, and we use all the ability we have in devising ways and means of tickling these. We tickle the mouth with pie and cake and cajidy and gum. We tickle it regu- larly three times a day, and irregularly between meals as opportunity offers. The streets are well supplied with restaurants and candy shops and soda fountains and they do a flourishing business even in hard times. We have no intention of giving up any of the tickling business, even in war times. I have been a poor man up to the pres- ent time, but I have just discovered how to get rich, and how to get rich quick. And I will let you into the secret. Invent and market a new tickler — a tickler that will tickle louder and harder than the old ticklers. Invent a serious coffee, or a hawk cigar, or a double pointed spearmint gum. Invent something to tickle the mouth, or the feelings, or pride. It will sell like hot cakes. I am going to invent the greatest money maker that was ever known. I am going to invent a series of adhesive, soluble, palatal, taste-tickling flabs. They will be thin, flexible, flavored flabs that you stick to the roof of your mouth while you eat or drink. Flab No. 1 will be a concen- trated extract of beef flavor and when you want a ten cent bowl of fine beef soup, you take a flab No. 1, stick it to the roof of your mouth, and drink a cup of hot water. While you are drinking the hot water, the Henry, adhesive, soluble, palatal, taste-tickling, flexible, flavored flab will slowly dissolve on your palate and you will imagine you are having a fine bowl of Delmonico*s hot beef soup. And you will not be cheating your stomach either, for your stomach would, any day, rather have a cup of hot water than the stuif that is in soup. And when you want a dish of vanilla ice cream, just stick to your palate a Henry, adhesive, soluble, palatal, taste-tickling, flexible, flavored flab No. 2, and then eat a dish of plan cold corn meal mush, and you wlU enjoy all the pleasant sensations of eating real ice cream. These flabs will retail at one cent each and give me a profit of 300%. I wiU pre- pare 57 flavors ranging from vegetable soup to Limburger cheese, suiting all palates at all times of day. I expect to run out of business all candy shops, ice cream parlors and soda fountains. Oh! how I shall make money! I shall make the inventor of postum cereal feel like thirty cents. And next Thanksgiving Eockefeller will invite me to his standard turkey dinner. Our sense of feeling is tickled in the saloon and at the cigar stands and in the red light houses and on the roller coaster. The tickling of the sex sense I have heard is the basis of some marriages. The nose is tickled by perfumes from the flowers and the drug store. The eyes are tickled by paintings and theaters and statuary and scenery. The ears are tickled by music and birds and graphophones. A friend of mine paid four hundred dollars for a player piano just to tickle his ears. Our pride is tickled by owning fine houses and fine clothes and other things a little finer than the other fellow has. I once heard a story of two farmer neighbors who tried each to outdo the other to tickle their pride. One bought a fine buggy and the other bought a finer one. One built a big house and the other built a bigger one. One bought for himself a tombstone and had lettered on it, **Here I lie as snug as a bug in a rug.'* The other bought a taller stone and had lettered on his, **Here I He snugger than that other bugger.** We tickle our pride by shining our shoes while our feet are dirty and stockings holey. When people say something good about us we say, ** Thank you,*' in order to show we are glad to have our pride tickled, and to encourage them to do it again. The most of our time and money are spent in tickUng pride, taste and feeling. These three, faith, hope and — ^no, no; these three, pride, taste and feeling; but the greatest of these is feeling. We tickle our intellects a little by read- ing the newspaper and arguing religion and prohibition and war. And so we tickle, tickle, tickle all the day. Ever watching for a chance to tickle louder any way. I suppose each fellow devotes most of his time tickling the senses or faculties that are best developed in him. Or, in other words, each feUow tickles the part of himself that will tickle the loudest. If a man has a good mouth backed by good digestion and can get a big sensation from that mouth, he tickles it. He doesn't eat to nourish his body; he eats to tickle his mouth. And so on through the list of organs and faculties. Some people get more pleas- ure from one and some from another. When we entertain a friend we do it by tickling. If we know his strong points, (or should I say weak points?) then we know what to tickle. You can tell just what your friend thinks of you "by notic- ing what part of you she tickles when she tries to entertain you and show you a good time. I have a lady friend who doesn't seem to think I have anything but a mouth. If she expects my coming, she prepares a certain dish for me. But there is hope. Experience is the great teacher, and we all get a plenty of it. You may have seen the motto post card that reads, ' 'Life is one damned thing after another." I quote this to show you that somebody else besides myself thinks we get a lot of experience. The d d things of life that come to us one after another are the means that nature uses to thump a little sense into our thick skulls. Now let me give you a little dictionary knowledge. To do right means to act in harmony with Nature's laws, Nature's ways, Nature's methods of evolution. I don't mean human nature; I mean the big Nature. To do wrong means to act out of harmony with Nature's laws. In order to become free we must learn the right and live it. We must get in line with Nature's methods. We don't be- come free by dynamiting a czar or a news- paper building, or by cursing bad luck. We must change our minds in harmony with the mind of Nature, and make her wants our wants, and her pleases our pleases, and then we can do as we please, because we please to do right. A wild bird put in a large cage will fly against the walls of the cage trying to get out. In time it learns where the walls are and that it is useless to fly against them. It becomes content to live in its prescribed area. It gets food and water and a place to build its nest. It has everything It needs. And by and by it reduces its wants to its needs. If it were wise enough, it could see that its cage walls instead of being prison walls are safety walls, pro- tecting it from cats and snakes and other enemies. We are caged animals. You may not like it. And you may deny it. But how are you going to help it? We are surrounded with walls of natural laws that silently say to us, **Thus far Shalt thou go and no farther.*' But we feel we are in prison, and our rights denied us, and we bump our fool heads against one law of Nature and then against an- other until we become sore physically and mentally. In time we shall learn that we cannot "break the bars of our cage — ^that w© can not break the laws of nature — ^but that we only break ourselves in bumping against them. When we learn that these laws are good for us and not bad, when we learn that the laws do exist, and learn what they are and live in harmony with them, then we shall cease getting sore heads and sick stomachs and despondencies. When our wants and our pleases become one with the wants and pleases of Nature, then we can do as we please. Then we shall be free, in a cage of inflexible, un- changeable laws. Then we shall continu- ously live on Freedom HilL Then we shall have buried in freedom hill cemetery hate and gossip, anger and fault-finding, envy and jealousy, and many more of our pres- ent day enjoyable companions. If I should name all the things that we shall have to kill out and bury before we reach the top of freedom hill, you would say on© might as well cut his throat and bleed to nothingness. When a patient was told by his doctor that he must quit the use of co£fee, pork and hot biscuits, the pa- tient replied, **Well, doctor, I would starve to death; what else is there to eat?" And when we are told to give up the pleasures of sense and emotion, as pleasures, we think there is nothing els© to live for, and that we might as well die dead and be done with it. Perhaps we have faculties within us, dormant now, that could furnish us many times the pleasure we now enjoy. If we could waken these sleeping faculties and get them active, we might find life worth living every hour. Now we are flounder- ing and squirming in a slimy mud hole, seeking a bite of this and a smell of that and a sight of something else, for pleas- ure, knowing that the bite might sicken us, a contrary wind might bring us a rotten odor, and that our eyes might be splashed with mud the next minute. We are seeking pleasure in the midst of sorrow knowing that we shall get about as much of one as of the other. But we con- tinue to wallow in the mud because we haven't developed wings. We don't even know that wings are sprouting under our shoulder blades. If we would make favorable conditions for the growth of wings and other dormant faculties, we would in time get out of the mud and slime and slop, and could enjoy pleasures that have no bitter with the sweet. There are sweets that have no l)itter. The sweets of sensation and emo- tion have their bitter. If we take their sugar and honey, we must also take their quinine and cascara. But the sweets of intellect, of reason, of pure love, of good will, leave no bad taste in the mouth. And there are said to be other faculties un- known and not even suspected by most peo- ple, that one might indulge in freely with- out fear of headache, coated tongue, or re- morse of conscience. If we would leave off part of the culti- vation of the lower sweets and give the higher a chance to grow, we might become convinced that Nature has a lot of good things^ in store for us. Shakespeare said, **You cannot hear the nightingale sing while the geese are cackling.** The geese and ducks and guineas keep our ears so full of noise, that we cannot hear the nightingale and the canary and the mock- ing bird. If we would get far enough away from civilized geese and ducks and old hens, we might hear finer music. If we would call a halt on sensation and emo- tion, we might feel and hear and know something that would tickle much stronger — and continuously. If there is any kind of tickling that tickles permanently, that is the kind we want. The tickling we now indulge in to get a little pleasure, while waiting for the undertaker, is not permanent. No matter how fine a dinner we sit down to, in about half an hour the mouth tickling must stop and the stomach ache begins. I think it was Jonah who tried to run away from God. According to the story he did not succeed, but instead ran into the mouth of God. Some modem people want to gain Freedom by running away from all established laws and get where their own sweet, selfish wills shall be the law. Tbey will have to go outside the uni- verse to find such a place. There Is no lawless land in the universe for home- steading. The laws of nature are everywhere and they are there all the time. They are in every atom. And each kind of atoms has its own laws and acts accordingly. We learn a few of the laws in studying chem- istry and physics and astronomy and botany. The laws of Nature have not yet all been printed. If they were all printed they would make a book larger than an encyclopedia. There are so many many laws to learn. One day I asked Luther Burbank how he learned his business, and he said he didn't learn it from any book. He said there was no book that taught it; that he had gotten more help from Darwin's works than any- where else. I asked him why he didn't write a book teaching it, and he said it could not be put in one book; that it would require about twenty volumes to tell it. I mention this story of Burbank to let you know I have associated with great people. You would never suspect I am great unless I told you how I became so. If it takes twenty volumes to tell the known laws pertaining to the crossing of plants, I suppose it would take a hundred volumes to tell the laws of social relation- ships. And to tell all the laws in aU the departments of Nature, I guess it would take about a million books, whicb is a discouraging number, in view of the fact that we must obey all the laws or suffer the consequences. But there are short cuts. You know in mathematics we have the multiplication table and cancellation and logarithms and other short cuts. And in the laws of social relationships we have short cuts also. If we learn one law — ^the law of love — and follow it, we may be ignorant of all the rest of the laws as to how we should treat our neighbors, and still get along pretty well. If we love our neighbor, we shall do unto him as we would have him do unto us. If we love him we shall treat him just about right. If we love — ^I don't mean hugging, I mean love. If we love our neighbor we shall treat him a good deal better than we have been doing. Some one has said *'IiOve is the fulfilling of the law.** If any of you should come across an ad- vertisement of love powders, of which, by taking one dose three times a day, one would be made to love people, I wish you would send me the address. If the price is not over three dollars a dram it would be the cheapest method of becoming happy that I know of. I want to buy a barrel of it. I want to take about a bushel myself, and administer the balance to the unhappy people I meet. If by some powder, pills or process we could learn to love people, the most of our troubles would disappeax. If I were a preacher I would preach a series of sermons on love, taking for my text the words of Paul, ''Love suffereth long and is kind; love envieth not; is not puffed up; seeketh not its own; is not pro- voked; taketh no account of evil; beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth aU things." I would give my blessed breth- ren enough good points to practice on for months, while I, myself, visited the ladies, ate fried chicken, scolded my wife, and boxed the children around to make them keep still while I said family prayers. We don't all read the natural law books, and but few of us go to college. So we have a poor chance to learn what the nu- merous laws require of us. But Nature has a surer way of teaching us than by schools and books. Life. Life is Nature's schoolmaster for us. We can evade the truant officer and keep out of school; we may refuse to read books; but the experi- ences of life we cannot escape, and they will teach us in time. Life will teach not only wise people but fools also. So I am included in the University of Hard Knocks as well as you. And the reward card that Nature gives us for attending the school of life regu- larly and not being tardy, is the pleasure of conscious existence. And the reward card that Nature give us for learning our lessons, is the joy of liaving a good time. If we don't learn our lessons, Nature pun- ishes us by bumping us and scratching us, and bruising us, and giving us the stomach ache and the headache and the heart-ache, and melancholy and fear and jealousy, and aU the other disagreeable things of life. Every pain we suffer is the result of our violation of some natural law that we haven't yet learned, or haven't obeyed. You may not agree with this. We don't like to blame ourselves for our troubles. We prefer to blame the meanness or ignor- ance of somebody else. Blaming somebody else is the opiate we use to deaden our nerves of responsibility. We ought to go to a Keeley cure and get this opium habit cured. Suffering is Nature's method of teaching all her scholars, especially the dull ones. Whenever we suffer it is because we haven't yet learned or accepted some law of Nature. I am not anxious about teach- ing people what I think I know. Nature has provided means for teaching everyone all he needs to know. Nature's last resort method of teaching, which is by suffering, will, in time, compel us to stop and think and learn, — in self- defense if for no other reason. If we can't or won't learn our lessons with our heads, Nature will compel us to learn with our hides. I am not anxious to teach you how to be happy tho' miserable, for I am sure Nature is capable of teaching you without my help. Neither is Nature anxious. She knows she has us cornered and we simply have to learn by one method or another. And if we will not learn by any other, Nature will try her last resort method and we shall suffer and suffer until we do re-think and turn round. I once, when a boy in Indiana, had the chills and fever regularly every other day for four long weeks before 1 was willing to take nasty quinine. When we have had pleasure and pain long enough we shall be willing to take our quinine and get cured of pleasure and pain and settle down to enjoy happiness — peace. As soon as we come into this world our mothers begin swinging us to and fro. We are given too much milk and we get the colic and then we are given catnip tea. Tor several months we vibrate between colic and catnip, colic and catnip, pins and crying, tickling and torture. If we survive the catnip and torture and become old enough to walk, we climb into a swing, and the balance of our lives we swing back and forth between the pairs of opposites. Swinging, swinging, all day long, year after year, between — heat and cold, pleasure and pain, green apples and stomach ache, sliding down the banisters and getting hurt, cliampagiie and real pain, laughing and crying, blessing and cursing. We propel tlie swing to the pleasant side and try to hold it there, hut it swings hack to the other side just as far. When in high school I learned from Steele's ** Fourteen Weeks in Physics," that "reaction is equal to action, and in the opposite direction.*' If this law of physics applies to the metaphysical world, then after we act toward pleasure, there will be a re-action toward pain. You may not like this arrangement, and you may deny it. And I don't blame you. I don't like it myself. If the Lord had consulted me before he built this universe and estab- lished its laws, I could have told Tiini a few things. Couldn't you? My wisdom is never appreciated. We insist on seeking pleasure because we think that pleasant sensations and emo- tions are the only things in life worth liv- ing for. And it takes us 999,999 years to learn that pain always follows pleasure. We keep on swinging, thinking that, if the swing stopped, we would be dead. When the swing QLuits swinging we shall not be dead. We shall be at peace, more alive than ever, enjoying everything instead of only half the things as we are now doing. We try to find happiness by getting more of the things we want and less of the things we don't want. We try to get more wages and less work; more pie and less dyspepsia; more sense gratification and less pain. After ten thousand failures to get evergreen happiness in that way, we may suspect we are on the wrong track. And we may conclude that happiness comes from some other source. Nature is working for our interests, and she insists that we learn how to be happy, even if we have to be made miserable in order to learn it. If we won't take a hint, she gives us a kick. Nature does not conscript, but if we do not volunteer to join her, she will make life for us so miserable, that by and by we will volunteer in order to get out of our misery. When we learn to respect and love Na- ture's wiU, then Nature ceases to be our master, and becomes our servant. By learning her ways, and working in har- mony with her we can accomplish what- ever we wish, because our wishes will then correspond with her wishes. As long as we try to follow our own ig- norant, selfish wills, trying to have things our ways we shall be in confiict with Na- ture's wiU and her ways and we shall have trouble. We must kill out our little selfish self. If we learn to believe in Nature's will and accept it as being right and best, and learn to live in harmony with it, then in- harmony will disappear and we shall be at peace, contented and free. And we can each accomplish this alone, as many peo- ple have done in the centuries past, with- out waiting for snails to catch up with us. Then we shall be surrounded and pro- tected by Nature's laws. We can do just as we please because we please to obey Na- ture and act in harmony with her. We can have just what we want, because we shall want only what Nature gives us, knowing that Nature will give just the right conditions and right amount. And we shall get nothing but what we want, be- cause we shall learn to want just what we get, knowing we shall get just what we deserve, and all we need and nothing but what is good for us. We have aligned ourselves with Nature. We have gone into partnership with the spirit of Nature, and her interests are our interests, her will is our will. We find that all things work together for good. We know that no harm can come to us. If Nature is for us, who can be against us? Externally we may be actively con- cerned; but internally, at the heart of being, we are at peace, enjoying evergreen happiness — resting securely, contentedly, on Freedom Hill. The End. Quit reading here and do a little thinking. LISTEN TMs is the first of a series of booklets to be printed, dealing with life and free- dom and happiness. Other subjects are: ** Freedom From Fond Friends.*' How to vaccinate against them. ** Henry's Glass Eye Story.'* Gives my experience with doctors, healing friends and enjoying sickness." **My Conceit Machine." Cures enlarge- ment of self-esteem. ** Falling in Love Again and Again." Contains the germ of love sickness and how not to cure it. **The Divinity of the Devil." Guaran- teed to cure devilishness. ** Usefulness of Useless Husbands." Cures grass widows* sorrows. ** Christian Science Soothing Syrup," Beats Mrs. Winslow*s soothing syrup. **How to Take People Without Getting Hurt.** Better than Sloan *s liniment. Price twenty-five cents a dose. And if you don*t find them good medicine for what ails you, send them back and I will return your cents, accompanied with a prayer that your eyes might be opened to see the beauty of ugliness, the goodness of meanness, the divinity of the devil. 41501J UNIVERSITY OF CAUFOF