JC~-V LIVELY CITY LIG SL ?y BANCROFT LIBRARY <>- THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA Gift of Joseph M. Brans ten ate I in vCJ M THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG THE LIVELY CITY O' LI GG A Cycle of Mocfern Fairy Tales for City Children BY GELETT BURGESS FORMERLY EDITOR OF THE "LARK" AUTHOR OF "VIVETTE," ETC. WITH FIFTY-THREE ILLUSTRATIONS BY THE AUTHOR NEW YORK FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY, PUBLISHERS COPYRIGHT, 1899, BY GELETT BURGESS , U f]nAH7 TO ARNOLD'S SENSITIVE TASTE AND ROBIN'S ADVENTUROUS SPIRIT THESE HEADLONG FANCIES ARE FEARFULLY SUBMITTED. IU nK The Author and Illustrator desires to express his gratitude to MR. HARVEY ELLIS, of Rochester, N. Y., for the interest he has added to this book by a sympathetic colouring of the plates, achieved with an originality far above the capacity of their envious draughtsman. CONTENTS. PAGE LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS, . . . . . . .11 PREFACE. THE CIDIVATION OF INANIMATE THINGS. . . 17 CHAPTER . I. THE TERRIBLE TRAIN, ...... 3 1 II. THE RUNAWAY CHAIRS, . . . . 41 III. THE THREE ELEVATORS, . . . . .55 IV. THE VERY GRAND PIANO, . . " . . .63 V. THE PERT FIRE ENGINE, . . . . .73 VI. THE INSANE BATTERY, . . . . . .83 VII. THE HILARIOUS HANSOM, . . . . .95 VIII. THE STEAMBOAT AND THE LOCOMOTIVE, . . .105 IX. THE BOTHERSOME BRIG, . . . . .119 X. THE HOUSE WHO WALKED IN HER SLEEP, . . .131 XI. THE BOLD BALLOON, ...... 143 XII. THE LAZY LAMPPOSTS, ...... 153 XIII. THE BICYCLE'S FAMILY, , . . . .165 XIV. THE FLYING STABLE, . . . . . . 175 XV. THE BLIND CAMERA, . . , . . .187 XVI. THE BUMPTIOUS BRIDGE, . . . . . 199 XVII. THE ECCENTRIC LOOM, . . . . . .213 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. Washing the Terrible Train, half drowned and spluttering, out into the air. (Coloured.) ...... Frontispiece. PAGE A Train that would climb the Church Steeple and spin the Weather Vane. 29 His faithful Train supported him by doing acrobatic tricks for tourists. (Heading). ........ 31 The Train coiled itself up in the Orchestra, and, lazily thumping its tail against the Balconies, it fell asleep. ..... 38 A gallant charge of Rocking-chairs attacked the carters. (Coloured.) . 40 The Furniture formed in line and marched silently to the Park (Head'g). 41 At twelve o' clock the Doors of the Houses slowly opened. . . 44 The express Elevator flew through the house high into the air. . . 53 At the end of the main corridor was a shaft in which lived Three Elevators. (Heading.) , ...... 55 " Come on and help ! I can't hold on it much longer ! " said the strong Elevator. ..*..... 58 The Piano, standing beneath the long arms of his beloved Windmill, would serenade her plaintively. (Coloured.) . . .62 The Piano tore out a few heavy wires and threw them as far as he could. (Heading). ........ 63 The Very Grand Piano made his way, with the help of a Road Engine, to the Windmill. ....... 67 Suddenly the Telegraph poles closed around him. . . . .71 The Fire Engine, with a laugh, sent a stream of water through its win- dow. (Heading.) ....... 73 He was severely scolded by the Mayor o' Ligg. . . . .78 12 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. PAGE The Cannons now began firing at everything in sight. (Coloured.) . 82 The Cannons lay about the fortifications, wheezing and sneezing and coughing. (Heading.) ...... 83 One after another the Guns were dismounted. . . . .88 The Hansom, with a terrible jerk, threw his shaft upward and tossed the horse high into the air. ...... 93 The Cab Wheels began to revolve, and they began to sail up the river like a new sort of steamboat. (Heading.) . . . -95 The last thing the Hansom saw of the mill it was disappearing into the forest, a half mile away. ...... 101 The Locomotive hoisted the Steamboat on top of his cab, and set out across the fields. (Coloured.) ..... 104 At midnight the Locomotive got on board the Steamboat, and she steamed slowly up the river. (Heading.) . . . 105 The Balloon then rose, and the Locomotive and the Steamboat were hoisted high in the air. . . . . . . no The Locomotive finally succeeded in climbing a tall tree. . .no It was impossible to get the Brig round the corner. . . .117 The Brig went forward easily, under full sail. (Heading.) . . 119 The Brig dipped her bowsprit under the wheel of the Steam Roller and pushed till she had got the machine up the bank. . . .122 The Church hid behind a clump of trees to see the little House swimming in her sleep! (Coloured.) . . . . . .130 The little House had always behavejcj with the greatest propriety. (Heading.) ........ 131 The two dripping, purple buildings embraced each other with touching fondness. . . . . . . . .135 The City Clocks used to make faces at him, but he paid them well for that by twisting their hands round the wrong way. . . 141 Slowly, his silken bag filled with gas, and his strength returned. (Heading.) . . . . . . , . 143 LIST OI< ILLUSTRATIONS. 13 PAGE " How do you do ? " said the Sewing-machine, " and who are you ? " . 147 Wading in boldly, they carefully pushed their way through the waves. (Coloured.) . . . . . . .152 The Lampposts on Queer Street were the most disorderly in the City o' Ligg. (Heading.) . . . . . . .153 As they reached the harbour, the Lampposts became exceedingly ill. . 156 A maroon-enamelled machine shot after her, at a terrific speed. . 163 Mr. Diamond Frame was proud of his family and his connections. (Heading.) ........ 165 She found her lover disgracefully lurching round the rink, under the weight of a fat man, learning to ride ! . . . .166 The Stable stuck there, pierced through by the spire, impaled an hun- dred feet high above the street. (Coloured.) . . .174 The Stable rose steadily in the air, like a balloon ! (Heading.) . . 175 It was their firm belief that the Stable devoured horses. . . .176 He opened the door and stepped out into the studio to tell the others about it. . . . . . . .185 He stood on his head. (Heading.) . . . . . 187 He sank on a painted imitation balustrade. . . . .190 The Train gave a tremendous leap into the air and hurdled the Bridge. . 199 It was not a good, honest Suspension Bridge, hung from wire cables, but was supported by iron rods and straps. (Heading.) . . 201 The Crane picked up the carriages one by one and tossed them into the river. ........ 206 He led them over to No. 7, and the Mayor and Yak looked curiously at the roll of Tapestry. . . . . . . .211 The Mayor laughed. " That is a crazy design, isn't it ? " said the Mayor. (Heading.) ...... 213 Yak had been cutting up the Tapestry and had it spread out on the floor and walls. . . . . .216 PREFACE THERE is no mistake more common in everyday life, than that which transposes cause for effect; and it is no- where more common than in our conception of Inanimate Objects. We say that because Objects are inanimate, therefore they are not intelligent ; whereas the proper reasoning would affirm that because they are not intelli- gent, therefore they are not animated. This casuistry, however, does not carry us far afield, since most are will- ing to accept without challenge the fact that such objects are, in point of fact, neither animated nor intelligent. It is only when we push the investigation toward the speculation as to whether or not they ever existed in any other condition, that opinions diverge. It is remarkable what slow progress has been made in i8 THE LIVELY CITY O'LIGG. this question since its partial discussion by Mrs. Walker. 1 Her essay upon the Total Depravity of Inanimate Things* broke the first ground, but subsequent attempts to pursue the matter have been few and fitful. Mrs. Walker, indeed proceeded in the most unscientific and loose manner, and contented herself with an analysis of a minor consideration, a specialised detail of the characteristics of Inanimate Ob- jects, missing the opportunity of being the first to formulate the theory that such objects do or did actually possess more or less highly developed characteristics, manners and customs, of which their total depravity is but one evidence. It is not too late, then, to go back to the main point at issue, and assemble the main evidences of what may be called character, in the Unnatural Science of the whole genera. To be comprehensive, to catalogue all the data bearing upon the subject, would extend unduly the limits of such an essay as this, and therefore, only a few of the many various phases of the subject will be taken up ; enough to prove indubitably the thesis, but leaving to subsequent investigators the collocation of the myriad facts necessary to establish the definitive and exhaustive deductions that shall formulate and classify all inanimate phenomena. *"The Total Depravity of Inanimate Things," by Mrs. E. A. Walker. ''Little Classics " Series, Volume V. " Laughter." PREFACE. 19 The three most convincing proofs that such an unnat- ural science does exist, and that, whatever their present condition, inanimate objects are derived from similar objects possessing animation in a more or less developed state, from which condition they have, in the supremacy of Man, degenerated, are as follows : I. Evidences of prehistoric animation, shown by Etymology, in the gender of words in foreign languages, and English idiom, etc. II. Evidences of a comatose or degenerate animation in the Objects themselves. III. Evidences of degenerate functions and features in Architecture. i. We have only to inspect the empirical use of gender in French and other substantives, to be confronted imme- diately with a paradox which the affirmation of this thesis alone can explain. The English language has, it is true, discarded the old categories, but that, it might be said, en passant, is but another example of the hard and fast literalness of our tongue, its radical spirit, con- stantly changing to the spirit of new conditions, its dis- regard for derivation and analogy ; in a word, its wonderful power of growth. We need only go back one step to the French, however, to find the evidences which English Etymology has been in such haste to conceal. 20 THE LIVELY CITYO' LIGG. In French, then, we have the following Objects, for example, classed as Masculine : Balloon, Piano, Train, Cannon, Cab, Mill, and Boat ; while other things are designated as Feminine, such as House, Chair, Table, Locomotive, Church, Stable, and Lantern. Obviously, where there is evidence of sex, there must have been life, one being a function of the other, and the inevitable conclusion is that at some period of their exist- ence, all these Objects, and many others, must have been known to be, or to have been, animate as late as the rise of the Romance tongues. At first glance the German Language seems to con- tain evidences of a transitionary state, and, to mark the first abandonment of the old tradition that objects had been once alive, we find the use of the neuter gender, so called, to distinguish many objects, as well as a double use of masculine and feminine. For instance, we have three words for Mill : Meizel, (Masculine) Muehle (fem- inine) and Hammerwerk, (Neuter). The superficial explanation would doubtless be, that with the growing distrust in the early legends, the genders of objects had be- come confused in the Teutonic mind, newly freed from the strict empire of this theory, and become lax and inaccurate, and there is no doubt that the increasing use of the neuter o form played havoc with the former recognised distinction. PREFACE. 21 Indeed, it is only fair to say, this view is strenghtened by the fact that many words masculine in French are femi- nine in German, Cannon, Boat, for instance, to cite from our previous list, where, too, the reverse case may be exemplified as well. A deeper reasoning, however, will convince one that this theory is not inadequate, and it is impossible to escape the more comprehensive explanation that this double form in so many substantives proves a much more reasonable state of things, i. e., that objects in their animate state had highly developed sexual distinctions, even amongst things of the same sort. In fine, there were doubtless male and female houses, mills, and pianos, &c., as might naturally be inferred a priori. Thus the Ger- man Genders hark back to the primeval knowledge of mankind even more clearly than the French, the Teu- tonic imagination and poetic insight retaining faith in the early myths long after it had crystalised into an empirical dogma amongst. the Gauls. But though we have not these convincing evidences in English etymology, our native idiom preserves many traces of the folk, or rather the object-lore of our ancestors. We still speak of the legs of a chair, of the arms of a sofa, the back of a settee, the hands of a watch. It is idle to controvert the obvious inference by suppos- 22 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. ing these to have been named merely by resemblances of form. Does the leg of a table resemble in any way the leg of a man or a horse ? No ! it undoubtedly was so named, far back in the early days of the race, because at one time tables had legs, with which they stood, walked, ran and kicked. In the same way it is not uncommon, even nowadays, to hear that highly suggestive idiom : "the lamp has gone out," and the craftsmen, who per- haps preserve more of the old words and phrases than any other class, still speak of the " teeth " of saws, the " heads " of nails, the " eyes " of needles : the printer " feeds" his press ; we speak of a piano as " grand " or " upright," we even distinguish " bell " buoys. These are only a few of a thousand cases that might be cited in support of the theory. 2. The evidence of degenerate functions or even actions of Inanimate Objects has been too well shown, in the above-mentioned essay, to need much elaboration here. The reader is referred to that work, and, his eyes once opened to the bearing of its evidence upon the higher issues involved, he may easily read into the text, a full exposition of the importance of such phenomena, in their bearing upon the case. Many other manifestations might be adduced, such as the table-tipping of Spiritual- ists, never before accounted for by this simple explana- PREFACE. 23 tion, the shutting of doors, and the ease with which small articles get lost. A ball left standing upon the slope of a hill, will run down to the bottom. The clock moves its hands, strikes, and goes slow or fast ; all objects grow old. If these instances are not conclusive, further multiplication of cases is futile. 3. Not the least interesting, though perhaps not the most conclusive, evidence of a previous state of animation in Inanimate Objects is to be found in Architecture. There is no doubt that houses were the most highly organised, as well as the first and best known objects with which Primeval Man was familiar. The esteem with which dwellings were held by the descendants of the cave-dwellers is evidenced in the earliest attempts to imitate houses, and it is a remarkable and conclusive fact, that as yet no single house built by our primitive ancestors, however remote, has been foitnd that does not possess some sort of rude elementary door, and indeed, as far back as the Lake dwellings, we have abundant corrob- oration of the fact that windows were not unknown ! The door and window, in fact, were persistent elements in all ancient Architecture. We can trace the influence of the original idea through the Roman, Egyptian, Greek, Byzantine, and Renaissance periods, down to the very end of the Victorian Era. What does this mean ? 24 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. There is scarcely any doubt but that, in the original Animate Objects, the door was by way of being the mouth of the house, and it was but natural that Primitive Man, to whom food was the most important need of his savage life, emphasised the organ of Eating in his earliest attempts at architecture. Next to subsistence came the necessity for Seeing. Self Defence demanded an eye, hence the window, the eyes of the extinct Houses. We have just seen how these canons came down to us and how in the development of Architecture they were never wholly lost sight of. Indeed, one need only to look at a modern house to recognise the rea- sonableness of this hypothesis. This much is too apparent to need further proof, and few will have the temerity to deny the glaring probabili- ties of the case, but the unnatural scientist will look farther, and see a host of corroborative details. The most striking, as well as one of the least-known phrases lies in what might be called the " expression " of houses, irrespective of any marked similarity to human beings. This is what architects term "design." It is enough to say that certain houses have an anxious, some an uneasy, and others a generous, reposeful aspect. Our poets are fond of describing church steeples as " fingers pointing Heavenward." The illustration, and the whole miscon- PREFACE. 25 ceived personification is ill-described, but it exemplifies a state of things well understood by the imaginative. Could space be afforded, proofs might also be added from mythology and the sacred writings of early literature. We will not insult our readers' intelligence, however, by burdening a volume of proof already overwhelming. It is unfortunate, that, in this mechanical age, most objects have lost more and more of those characteristics which were common to all before their cidivation. It may be said broadly, however, that the nearer an Object approaches an art, the stronger is its personality, what- ever be its powers of will. The piano is a familiar instance, with its gracefully curved legs, which once were capable of dignified locomotion, and its voice, now pro- voked only at the discretion of the musician. The Camera has other pronounced characteristics and quali- ties, and a certain curious dignity of its own, despite its absurd three legs (a rudimentary fourth being often noticed), and the early over-development of its eye will occur to every intelligent thinker. It is not within the scope of this article to discuss the causes which led to the degeneracy of this strange race of objects, the means by which their freedom was sub- verted by Man, or the scope and locus of its original civ- ilisation. 26 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. Less apropos even than interesting this balance of power is the consideration of the possibility of the cross- ing of the two equi-dominant races or species, as hinted in the analogies of the biped beasts of mythology. Here, however, the reader may investigate for himself and amuse himself with speculations upon the Equus Cabal- lustrade, the Liano or Piano Lion, the Giraffopost and other strange mongrels. There was doubtless a stage in the progress of the two races, when animals and ob- jects existed contemporaneously, and were equipped with approximately equal powers, and it is to this era that the mise en seine of the tales in this book belongs. But the one was destined to go on and perfect a still higher culture, while the other had already passed its summa- tion of development, and was degenerating. The struggle must have been furious, though probably of short duration, and the laws of Evolution triumphed. We can have no doubt but that it was a survival of the fittest. THE TERRIBLE TRAIN. ABOUT twenty-one miles outside of the City o' Ligg, there was a long, narrow, dark, slimy tunnel like a worm- hole in the hills such a terrible tunnel that no one had ever ventured inside for more than a few steps, and then only by daylight. By night, no one had ever dared go near this awful round hole at all, for in it lived a fearful, fierce and furious railway train, the most terrific train that ever was. It had once been harmless enough, and had carried many a load of passengers from the seaside up to the City o' Ligg, but long ago it had escaped from the railway station, and had run away into the hills, so that it should not have to work. The tunnel was so narrow that, when inside, the train could n f turn itself round, and one could hear it roaring and hlosi deep in the dark inside of the hill, grumbling 32 THE LIVELY CITY O f LIGG. like a dragon. From time to time it would stick its head out of the hole in the hillside, and whistle with wild, hor- rible shrieks, and spit fire and steam out of its smoke- stack, and cough out volumes of black smoke, in a way to terrify the people for miles around. lt was an English train, all jointed together with little coaches. Its head was an old-style locomotive, with a closed cab like a monkey's ears. Its thorax was com- posed of first-class compartment carriages, its abdomen of second and third-class carriages, and it had a tail like a, scorpion a little, stumpy brake-van that wobbled from side to side and would never stay on the line. From nose to tail the train was all of a whitish yellow, like a slug having faded and bleached by living in the darkness of the tunnel for so many years. The train looked for all the world like a big snake, especially when it came out at night to eat fences ; for, as the neighbours had taken up the rails leading into the tunnel, it had to hump itself along like an immense inch- worm, covering an eighth of a mile at each hump ! As it worked its way along, it waved its yellow locomotive head from side to side, and its shrieks frightened every person in the country into his house, there to look, with white face, from the third story windows, trembling, till the monster had passed, and had gone back into his THE TERRIBLE TRAIN. 33 tunnel to sleepily digest a few miles of picket-fence in peace. Now, many rewards had been offered by the Mayor of the City o'Ligg for the capture of the terrible train, but for a long, long time no one had dared even to think of attempting such a dangerous feat. But there was in town a little boy named Yak, very valourous and high- spirited, who had set his wits to work upon the problem, till at last a p;ood idea crawled into his small head. o So one day he painted himself with black paint from head to foot, so that he could not be seen in the dark. He took a bag of jam sandwiches, and he crawled into the tunnel, to spend the day in watching the train. After he had got in a few miles, he heard the muffled hiss of the engine's pistons, and he flattened himself against the side of the tunnel, and edged along in perfect silence. It was an anxious moment, for i'f he should come across the head of the train, it would be certain death, because he knew that the train would chase him and eat him up before he could get away. Suddenlyhis foot slipped and he fell against the tail of the train, hitting the brake-van that was wagging away very contentedly. Yak's heart jumped, and he gave him- self up for lost ; but seeing that the train had either not noticed the blow, or had thought it was only some little 34 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. hand-car that had ventured in, he worked himself along- side the carriages till, round a curve, he saw a flicker, and there was the train eating away, with its little head-light flashing first on one side of the tunnel and then on the other ! The side walls were black and shiny masses of rock. It was as Yak had expected the train was eating its dinner of anthracite coal ! As the boy watched, he accidentally touched a second, class carriage in the train's most sensitive and ticklish spot. With a roar and a loud, screaming whistle, it be- gan to writhe bajkwards to get at the intruder, but Yak turned and ran for his life, and reached the mouth of the tunnel just in time to escape being crushed under the wheels. In spite of the danger, however, Yak crawled into the tunnel the next day and the next, to watch the train eat- ing its dinner of anthracite coal. He had the good luck never to encounter the head of the train, which would undoubtedly have bitten him into little pieces, or even swallowed him whole. The last day he went in was a Sunday, when he found the train feeding at a new place, and Yak saw, by the look of the dull black walls of the tunnel, that this was where the train kept his soft, bitu- minous coal. There was so little of it that the train kept it only for Sundays, for soft coal was considered a great delicacy by this greedy train. THE TERRIBLE TRAIN. 35 Now that Yak was siu'e of the train's weakness, he laid his plans boldly, and, with the help of the Mayor o' Ligg, and a million labourers, he laid a line from the City o' Ligg to the mouth of the tunnel, and spread the track very thickly with a layer of soft, bituminous coal. But to get the train to turn around, so that it should come out head first upon the line that was the question ! The far end of the tunnel came out of the hill by the side of a river, where Yak had often seen the train come to drink, and so here the boy and the Mayor came, with their million men. They dug and they delved for many nights and many days, till they had dammed the stream, and made a new channel leading from the river to the mouth of the tunnel. When, at last, all was ready, they waited till the train had gone into the tunnel after drink- ing one evening and then turned the stream into the por- tal, and it rushed through the hole in the hill like a deluge, washing the terrible train, half drowned and spluttering, head foremost, out into the open air, along- side the new laid-line. The train, which had not had a bath for many, many years, took it a good deal more good-humouredly than might have been expected, and, shaking itself till the water was spattered over the countryside like a thunderstorm, it crawled upon the em- bankment, and began to eat the soft coal, as if nothing disturbing had happened. 36 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. When it had eaten all it could burn, it slowly backed into the tunnel again and slept all night, snoring loudly. It came out every day after that, rolling along the rails, and eating a little more coal each time, getting gradually farther and farther from its tunnel, till, in three weeks it had boldly entered the City o' Ligg ! Now, the end of the line led into the Grand Opera House, and precisely a month after its bath, the train puffed into the building, heavy with coal, and coiling it- self up in the orchestra and lazily thumping its tail against the balconies, it fell fast asleep ! In a moment the doors were bolted. Then, telling the Mayor that the rest was easily done, Yak ran home and went to bed, for he had not had a good night's sleep for a month. When he re-entered the Grand Opera House, the train was lying in a stupor, its tail limp, and its little head-light dull and smoky. Yak seated himself beside the locomo- tive and softly stroked its head. As the train slowly awoke, it felt the little boy oiling its wheels, and quietly rubbing the connecting-rods, and polishing the brasses and boiler of its locomotive. This kindness was too affecting for the train to resist ; its engine would not snort and its bell rang very softly, so as not to frighten its little friend. Yak came every day to see the train, THE TERRIBLE TRAIN. 37 and at last the monster grew so tame that it would eat out of the boy's hand. The train was now released from the Opera House and all the citizens of the City o' Ligg came out to welcome it and its little master. All praised its docility. The little girls brought garlands of roses and hung them round its neck, and the ladies of the town trimmed it with flags, while the men painted it freshly with white and gold. It was pointed out to all the railway stations as a model of deportment. The train never outgrew its love for its little master, Yak, and it became his especial pet, carrying him to school every day, and waiting for him under the trees until he was ready to return home. It would, however, never allow any of the other children on its back ; it would gently but firmly shake them off, whenever they attempted to steal a ride. Long after Yak grew too old to work, his faithful train supported him by doing acro- batic tricks for tourists in the City o' Ligg, and many strangers brought away with them strange and improba- ble tales of a train that would stand on its head for a >enny, or climb the church steeple and spin the weather vane for their amusement. At last the train died. It was a sad and cruel death, caused by a malicious little boy, who was jealous of Yak's 38 THE LIVELY CITY O ' LIGG. reputation as a train-tamer. He found the train alone one night, on a siding, and, after uncoupling all the carriages, shunted them around to different parts of the station yard. The next morning help was sent for, but, GELETT BURGESS by a fearful mistake, the train was put together wrongly, with all the third-class carriages next the locomotive ! It had much trouble in digesting even the softest coke or wood after this, and at last it came to a standstill upon a suspension bridge, and never moved again. THE RUNAWAY CHAIRS. GELETT BURQE55 \\ IT was a sly old rocking-chair that began it, but the conspiracy spread so quickly all over the City o' Ligg that all the furniture must have been quite ready for the plot. " I have been sat upon quite enough ! " said the rocker ; " not to speak of the horrid men that put their feet in my lap." " I don't see why you should care if they put their feet on you," a pert little foot-stool replied. " For my part, I think, it's low of them to sit on me ; you were made for that, but I wasn't ! " " At all events," the old sofa grumbled, " only one can sit on you at a time you needn't complain. What would you do if a half dozen of them tried to sit on you at once ? That's what they do to me ! " 42 THE LIVELY CITY O ' LIGG. " Well, they can't throw you around the room, and use you for a step-ladder or a table, anyway !" It was a frisky young stool who had interrupted. " They not only put their feet on me, but they stand on me, too ! Look at my rungs they're all barked and sore ; the skin's all knocked off." " Wait till they break your leg as they did mine, be- fore you talk," said the easy chair. " They gave my arm an awful wrench yesterday ; and, the first thing I know, I'll have to go to the cabinet-maker's, and have it set. Perhaps you know what hot glue feels like, young fellow ? " " No, thank Heaven, I don't ! " said the stool ; " but I have been scraped and sandpapered ! " "That doesn't hurt!" said the table. "When they begin to use the plane on you, then you can squeak ! Here I am, with only two castors to my feet. I wonder how they'd like to go without toes ? " " That's all right ; you don't have to be upholstered, and tacked and sown up. Perhaps it's fun to have long needles stuck into you every year or so, and about a thousand tacks driven in, and have all your stuffing pulled out, just as soon as it's flattened down easy in the worn spots ! " The rocking-chair tossed violently as it spoke, and hitched its way over to the stool. THE RUNAWAY CHAIRS. 43 " What are you going to do about it ?" said the piano- stool, turning from one to the other. " I have been thinking about it, and I propose that we all strike, and send the foot-stool round through the town to notify all the furniture in all the houses to quit work," the rocker said. The plot was discussed and accepted forthwith, and that night the little foot-stool stole out of doors, and visited a dozen houses. Up and down the street the excitement spread, and every piece of furniture in the City o' Ligg was at last converted, except the pianos. " It's all right for you fellows," they said, " but we have no complaints. They don't dare abuse us, and stand on us, or leave the window open so that we'll catch cold, for we're too jolly expensive ! But you go on, and we wish you good luck ! " And so it was decided that, on an appointed night, every piece of furniture in the City o' Ligg should run away into the woods outside the town. The houses, after a good deal of persuasion, reluctantly consented to open their doors. Now, the little boy named Yak lived in the very house where the plot began, and that night he went to sleep upon the old sofa, under a large rug. Why the sofa never told. the others, was never found out. Perhaps 44 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. he thought he would keep the boy prisoner as a hos- tage, perhaps the sofa was so heavy that he did not notice the extra weight, but, at any rate, Yak slept on through all the bustle of the runaway, and never woke up until it was all over. It was a strange sight, the migration of the chairs and tables, that August night. At twelve o'clock, all over the city o' Ligg, the doors of the houses slowly opened, and creeping quietly downstairs came lines of chairs, and stools, and tables, and sofas. As each house was emptied, THE RUNAWAY CHAIRS. 45 the furniture formed in line and marched silently to the park in the centre of the town. The lamp posts waved at them as they passed, and the few ash-barrels that were le r t upon the streets rolled with laughter to see the clumsy old pieces of furniture go by. In the park they were joined by many benches, anxious to escape from the work they had t^ do, not only by day but often by night, when, at least, the others might rest. The rocking-chair then divided the whole army into divi- sions for the march. First came the little foot-stools. After these came the three and four-legged stools and piano-stools, who creaked like a fife-corps in time with the marching legs of the straight chairs that followed. There were thou- sands of these ; dining-chairs, parlour chairs with curved legs, stiff chamber chairs stuffed, padded, and cane- seated. The arm-chairs and sofas came next, waddling along heavily, and a regiment of tables brought up the rear. Alongside the procession galloped the rockers, keeping the whole line moving in an 'orderly fashion, and carrying orders back and forth. The chairs with castors got along very easily on the paved streets, but when they struck the rough roads of the country, they slipped in the most ludicrous fashion. The wood was reached just as day broke, and the whole 46 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. army stood around amongst the trees, and rested. The campaign had been a great success, and they laughed to think that their days of work were over. As long as they could hide in the forest they were safe. It was just as they were congratulating themselves on their freedom that little Yak awoke. When he put his head out from under the rug, he was astonished to see himself in the forest ; but when he looked round, and saw thousands and thousands of chairs and tables and sofas, he could not believe his eyes. The old rocker had just begun to address the assembled furniture. "Fellow Pieces," said he, "this is all right for a be- ginning, and we may congratulate ourselves upon our success, but we have a still greater duty to perform. There is no doubt that as soon as our loss is discovered, other pieces of furniture will be speedily manufactured and will be forced to submit to the slavery from which we have escaped. Can we rest happily here, while our new-made brothers and sisters are ground under the foot of tyrant Man ?" " NO ! " cried all the furniture, as with a single voice. " No !" answered the rocker. "I, myself, am of the solidest mahogany, and I am one of the oldest Shemton designs ; but were I the cheapest veneer, my glue would boil at such selfishness. Let us send emissaries, then, THE RUNAWAY CHAIRS. 47 into the town every night, and teach these unfortunates how to throw off the yoke ! Who will volunteer for this dangerous service?" Yak waited to hear no more. Luckily he was on the outskirts down the street all the windows waved their curtains at her, and the motor cars in her wake set up a hilarious toot-tooting. There had never such a gay sight been seen on the streets of the lively City o' Ligg. But there was one tiling that Yak had forgotten. He o o had laid the posts along the main street to the river very THE BOTHERSOME BRIG. 127 cleverly, but he had not remembered that it was above the bridge, and so, when the brig, amid the cheers of the waggons and motor cars, took her triumphant plunge into the stream and, happy to feel again the soft, cool splashing of the water along her keel, set off gaily towards the harbour, she brought up, bang ! against the old bridge and nearly lost her foretopmast ! It was no use, she could never get down the river to the sea again. And so there the bothersome little brig remains, a cap- tive in the river Wob, like an insane lioness, a prisoner in the cage of a menagerie, sailing back and forth all day long, from one year's end to another. THE HOUSE WHO WALKED IN HER SLEEP. O - THERE had always been a good deal of gossip about the little white house with the green blinds, ever since she had moved to the City o' Ligg. A great many of the buildings were distrustful of her, and they whispered ' all sorts of things to each other. To be sure, the little house had always behaved with the greatest propriety, but there was much comment upon the fact that she had no stable, which the buildings regarded as suspicious ! There had once been a stable where she stood, but it had mysteriously disappeared long ago. Besides this, none of the other houses knew exactly where she had come from. She replied, vaguely, "From the country," when any o j " ' uildings asked her directly, but this was undoubteu.) an evasion. It was, moreover, 132 THE LIVELY CITY O'LIGG. not easy to question the demure little white house with the green blinds, for she had away of making the others think that perhaps it was none of their business, after all. But when, one morning, the houses woke up and found that the little house, who had been white the day before, had turned blue, there was great excitement among the buildings of the City o' Ligg. None of them dared ask her the reason why she had changed her coat, nor how she had done it so quickly, but the houses fairly hummed with gossip, and the story was told from one street to an- other. That happened on Monday morning, and they were still more surprised when, on Tuesday morning, they found the little house was yellow! Surely something must be done about it, and so an old baker's shop asked her to explain how and why she had changed colour during the night. The little house treated the shop very politely, but only said : " Upon my word, I honestly have no idea how the thing happened ! I went to sleep quite as usual, and when I woke up in the morning I was a different colour. If you can explain it, I'd be very glad to know myself ! " The houses all scoffed at the idea of her being so inno- cent. Of course she knew all about it, and she ought to be exposed, for it would not clo to let such a scandal go on ! So they sent to the Police Station and complained HOUSE WALK ED IN HER SLEEP. 133 of the little house, and that night she was carefully watched by a very respectable old Church. At midnight the Church saw the little house give a shudder, and move uneasily on her foundations. But her windows were blank and without expression ; she was undoubtedly asleep ! The little house's door yawned, and she slowly began to stir. She crawled down towards the rear of the yard, and began moving through the gar- den and across the fields. The old Church followed her as she made her way out of town into the open country. They came at last to a range of low hills. The further side of these hills was dotted with patches of woods, between which the little house went, till at last she came to the shore of a small lake of red paint. The Church hid behind a clump of trees and peeped out to see what the little house would do next. What was his astonishment to see her sit down on the bank be- side the red lake and calmly take off all her doors and all her blinds and then plunge into the paint ! Her windows, however, were still blank and shut ; there was no doubt about it ; the little house was swimming in her sleep ! After staying in the red paint for about half an hour, the house came on shore again and stood in the moonlight, all red and dripping. When she had dried, she put on 134 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. her blinds and doors, smoothed down her slates, and pro- ceeded home, followed by the astounded Church. The next day he told the Post Office the whole story, and they consulted together as to what should be done about the matter. Surely this sort of thing should not be allowed to go on. They decided, therefore, to appeal to the Police Station, who directed that a high fence be be built around the little house, and that night all three of them sat up to watch. At midnight, as before, the little house began to stir. She moved over to the fence in the rear of the yard, and seemed at first unable to understand what stopped her progress. But then she ran against the fence, pushed it violently down, and escaped, followed by the Church, the Post Office, and the Police Station. Over the hills and through, the woods they chased the little house, but this time she took a slightly different di- rection, which led her finally to a lake of green paint. Here the same thing happened as before, to the great astonishment and embarrassment of the three spectators. So this was how the little house was able to afford a different coat of paint every night \s The three buildings that watched her would have gone bathing in the lake themselves, no doubt, but none of them could swim, at least, not while awake ; there is no knowing what they might have been able to do in their sleep. HOUSE WALKED IN HER SLEEP. 135 The next night the little house went to a lake of brown paint. By this time the whole City o' Ligg was excited about her, and all sorts of rumours were floating around the streets and avenues. Some buildings said the little house was in love with a paint mill, who gave her a new coat every night ; but why the house's blinds and doors were always green, no one but the Church, the Post Office, and the Police Station could explain. At last the fact leaked out that the little house was a i 3 6 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. somnambulist, and went a-swimming in lakes of coloured paints, and that night the whole City o' Ligg followed her when she started out at midnight. They streamed across the fields and hills after her houses, churches, stores, shops, inns, factories, public buildings and edifices of every description, till where the City o' Ligg had been was nothing but one big honeycomb of cellars, and all to see a poor little house go swimming ! This time she led them to a beautiful purple lake, and while the thousands of buildings xvaited upon the bank, she took off her doors and took off her blinds, and splashed and spattered in the paint, as if she were a hun- dred miles from the nearest house, and quite alone in the forest ! Suddenly in diving she struck something hard on the bottom, and feeling for it caught hold and dragged it to the surface and pulled it ashore. It was her long-lost stable ! The stable immediately awoke her, and the thousand spectators shook with laughter to see the bewilderment of the little house. The two dripping purple buildings, however, were too happy to notice the peeping audience behind the trees, and they embraced each other with touching fondness. They then sat down and, after blow- ing the purple paint out of their chimneys, told each HOUSE WALKED IN HERSLEEP. 137 other the stories of their lives, since they had been separated. The buildings on shore became, now, so much ashamed of their cruel and unjust suspicions, and so affected by the happiness of the little house that, one by one, they stole away to the City o' Ligg, and decided not to say anything to the little house about their own dis- graceful part of the affair. And so when the house and her faithful stable returned to town and took their old places, no one asked the explanation of her new coat or her new stable. There they stand to this day, and these loving purple buildings are the most respected edifices in the whole of the City o' THE BOLD BALLOON THE flock of balloons who dwelt up in the mountains to the North-east o' Ligg was cordially hated by all the inhabitants of the City. They were a lazy, useless lot, and never did anything but amuse themselves. They were all fat, and generally very prosperous, but they were by no means intelligent, and the citizens in town called them mere " bags of wind." There was one amongst the flock who was particularly disliked, for he was almost the only one who ever came into town, and when he did it was always for some mis- chief. The City clocks used to make faces at him when they saw him coming, but he paid them well for that by twisting their hands round the wrong way, till they struck all sorts of hours at once. When you heard a church chime ring out six bells in the middle of the day, 144 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. you might be sure that the bad balloon was in town, and up to his old pranks. The balloon, however, preferred tickling big heavy churches in the small of their ridgepoles till their steeples writhed. When he was not doing that, he was usually dropping stones on the roofs, or emptying sandbags into chimneys, and pretending it was only an accident. He was very careful not to interfere with the windmills, how- ever, for once when he was trying to annoy one she struck at him savagely with her arms, and wounded his basket so that he didn't dare to come into the City o' Ligg for several weeks. His tricks became such a nuisance, finally, that the houses insisted that he must be captured. It was hardly safe to go to sleep at night, for fear of that bad balloon coming round your roof and scratching your tiles the wrong way. They prevailed upon the Fire Department to try to catch him, and the engines tired themselves out squirting at the balloon. When, at last, they did succeed in turn- ing a stream of water on him, he only laughed at them. He was made of oiled silk, and was used to being rained on, and didn't mind having a bath in the least. The artillery tried next, but they couldn't come any- where near hitting him. Besides, the cannon balls that THE BOLD BALLOON. 145 they fired into the air had come down again, and they usually came down upon the roofs of the houses, which was a good deal worse than being scratched by a com- paratively harmless balloon, or even hit with his drag- anchor. The houses had given up all hopes of catching the balloon, when he got himself into worse trouble than they had been able to make for him. He came in one day, and was having great fun with the Town Hall, when a gust of wind struck him, and blew him past the cupola, and, the first thing the balloon knew, he was punctured by the weather vane, which tore a great rent in his side. The gas slowly oozed out of the silken bag of the balloon, and he collapsed and fainted dead away. There was great rejoicing among the houses at this. Noth- ing could have been more fortunate for them, or worse for the balloon. A long ladder finally succeeded in get- ting him down from the cupola, and he was left in the street until the buildings should decide what to do with him. The balloon recovered his senses late that evening, and found himself alone, lying in the street in front of the Town Hall. He bewailed his fate bitterly with what strength was left him, and thought what a fool he had been to come into the town when he mieht now have been i 4 6 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. playing amongst the clouds and the rainbows high above the mountains outside the City o' Ligg ! He tried to turn over, but his wound pained him and his basket was sore from being thrown down from the cupola. He lay there for a while, moaning softly, when it seemed to him that he smelled gas somewhere about, and this hope immediately revived his spirits. He lifted him- self as well as he could and looked about him. Only a few feet away from where he was lying he saw a great hole in the street. He crawled over to this and looked in. What was his excitement to see down in the hole a gas- pipe that was being repaired ! He got his basket and his anchor down into the hole and worked away with all his might. It was getting light now, and if he was to escape at all he must hurry, for he was sure that in the morning they would send for a mowing machine and cut him up into little pieces. After an hour's hard work he had bitten completely through the gas-pipe, and had laid his valve over the orifice. Slowly his silken bag filled with gas, and his strength returned. But try as he might he found he could not fill himself more than half-full, and so, at last, fearful of being discovered, he wobbled away down the street as fast as he could, flapping and waving, the most disreputable balloon imaginable. He made his way to- THE BOLD BALLOON. wards the country, but, after travelling a mile or so, he found he could go no further, as he leaked so badly. He had reached a farm-house on the road to the hills, and rustled into the yard to see whom he could find to help him. In the yard was a rusty sewing machine. " Good morning," said the balloon. "How do you do?" replied the machine; "and who are you ? " 148 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. " I am a circus tent, and I've come to ask you to sew me up, please. A steam calliope ran into me, and tore this big rent, as you see ! " And the half-empty balloon made himself stiff and angular to look like a tent. " Where is your pole ?" said the sewing machine. " Oh, I broke my pole," said the balloon. " What are you going to do with that basket ? " said the machine. " Never mind ; will you help me or not?" " I'll help you on one condition, and that is that you go to the Electric Power House and steal a little dynamo to be my slave. I always did want to be run by electricity ! " As she absolutely refused to sew him up till he had done this, the balloon had to stay there till the next night, and then hobble back into town, and try to kidnap the dynamo. He set out as soon as it was dark, and by mid- night he had got to the Power House. It was very dark inside, for the electric lights always went out at twelve o'clock, and he got in through the doors they had left open, making himself as small as pos- sible in the hallway, squeezing through passages with great difficulty and pain. He had just reached the dynamo room, when a sizzling blue flame flashed, and he fell on the floor with a stinging pain darting through him, while the air seemed full of THEBOLDBALLOON. 149 violet sparks. He had stumbled across a live wire and had received a terrible shock. In the morning they found him there unconscious, but he never recovered, and expired without knowing what had killed him. It was rather a disappointment to the Fire Department, for they had decided to harness and halter the balloon, and tie him up above the Park by a long rope, so that he might be used to hold their hose when the tops of the houses caught fire. THE LAZY LAMPPOSTS .ETT BUR.GESS THE lamp posts on Queer-street were the most dis- orderly in the whole City o' Ligg. They went out when they should have been attending to duty, they smoked, and they gambolled. In other parts of town the lamp posts were sedate and well-behaved, and stood in perfectly straight rows, like columns of soldiers marching down the streets. They tried by every argument they could think of to make the Queer-street lamp posts behave properly. " See here," said the elder ones, "you fellows think you are awfully clever and smart, I suppose, to cut up such shines, but you'll be taken clown, some day, and they'll put up electric light poles instead, the first thin:;- you know ! Then you'll wish you had behaved ! You're 154 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. getting us all into trouble, and you ought to be ashamed of yourselves ! " But the Queer-street lamp posts flared up at this ; they made light of the rebuke, and said " they didn't care, they were going to have their fun while they were young, and the other fellows could just shut up preaching like prigs!" So they lolled and loafed around on the corners, and winked at the hansom cabs as they passed by, and bowed mockingly to the omnibuses, and they beckoned to the bicycles with their little short arms, till they made a great scandal of their behaviour throughout the whole City o' One dark night, one of the silliest of them suggested that they should all go to the Park, and play hide-and-seek. No sooner was this foolishness proposed than the whole twenty-seven lamp posts started in a tipsy procession down Queer-street, jostling each other, knocking each other down, scrambling, waltzing, reeling, climbing ^n top of each others' shoulders, jumping fences, ringing door-bells, rollicking, frollicking, bouncing, jouncing, hopping, flopping in the wildest kind of a hullabaloo, to- wards the Park. They were like a lot of puppies that had just been unmuzzled. Then they began the tipsiest game of hide-and-seek THE LAZY LAMPPOSTS. 155 that ever was played. All but one put out their lights, and that one chased the others all over the Common. They jumped over trees, and they crawled under benches ; they got up on the roof of the Grand Band Stand, and they hid in the Frog Pond, and stuck their lanterns out of water to watch. While the fun was at its height, a little policeman sud- denly appeared and arrested the whole twenty-seven, and tied them together by threes. Then he opened a sewer- pipe and locked them in, while he went for help. Now, the sewer-pipe led to the river, emptying into it about a mile or two below the City o' Ligg. The lamp posts succeeded in untying their fastenings, and imme- diately began to crawl through the slimy hole, in the dark, one behind the other, and, after many hours, they crawled out upon a sand bar, in the middle of the river, half drowned, and as dirty as worms. They would have stayed on the island till they froze to ath, if it hadn't happened that a tug came along just then. Of course, they didn't dare to go back to the City after such an escapade, but they didn't know where else to go. Now the tugs in the river Wob were not noted for their good-nature, and the lamp posts might have known, if they had not been such giddy, light-headed things, that tu^s were not to be trusted. 156 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. The tug whistled to them, tl Hallo ! what are you muddy lamp posts doing there on that bar ? " The lamp post who had first suggested the lark answered, " We set out to have a torch-light procession, but we got lost." The tug pretended to believe this very improbable story, and cried, "You come and get aboard me, and I'll take you to a good place where you can get plenty of oil ! " So the twenty-seven climbed aboard over each other's shoulders, and the tug put off down stream. As they THELAZYLAMPPOSTS. 157 reached the harbour, the little vessel began to roll fright- fully, and the posts became exceedingly seasick. Some of them tried to get off to wade ashore, but the water was so deep that they were afraid. Finally, the tug steamed up to an island where there was a white revolving lighthouse, and rolled them all into shallow water, and shot away hissing and bubbling with laughter. They all struggled ashore, and waited on the beach, wondering where they were and what to do. As the lighthouse turned slowly around, like a search- light, its rays flashed upon the group of homesick, seasick, shivering lamp posts, and he called out, " Hallo ! come up here, whoever you are ! " The posts struggled across the sand of the island, very much ashamed of themselves. " Well, well," said the tower, "you are a queer set of little lighthouses, you are ! Who are you, anyway?" The spokesman of the party told him their story, and begged the lighthouse to give them oil, for their lamps were almost famished. This the lighthouse did, for he was a good old soul, and had been young himself. The lamp posts drank the oil greedily, and they grew brighter. While they were thus engaged there was a cry from the tower. " Oh, heavens," the lighthouse cried, " some- thing has happened to me ; I can't revolve ! What shall 158 THE LIVELY CITY O'LIGG. I do ? There's a man-o'-war due into the harbour, and she'll go on the bar if she can't see my light ! There ! Look! There are her rockets, now! Heavens! what shall I do?' 1 The lamp posts looked up, and there was a blue light off by the bar, sure enough. They consulted together hastily. Here was their time to retrieve their good name. They would go out and save the man-o'-war! It would be a dangerous venture, for the tide was running swiftly ; but they could do no less than try. They ran as fast as they could down to the beach op- posite the bar, and, wading in boldly, carefully pushed their way through the waves. At every step the water grew deeper, and they feared that every moment some billow would put out their lights and wash them off their feet. But they kept on bravely, and at last the water grew shallower, and they reached the buoyin the middle of the bar, waist-deep in the rushing tide. The buoy was ringing the bell with all her might. " Good work ! " she cried. " Now stand in a thick group altogether, and the ship will see you." There they stood, the twenty-seven courageous lamp posts, like a hollow square of soldiers, slanting this way and that, as the waves broke over them, their flames flaring and flashing in the gusts of wind, and the sand THE LAZY LAMPPOSTS. 159 crawling under their feet. At last the tide turned, and it was more comfortable. " Boom \ " went the gun from the man-o'-war. "Thanks!" The lighthouse, which had now fully recovered itself, and was able to revolve, flashed convulsively, as if it were sobbing with emotion and gratitude. As soon as the ship had come to anchor, she sent a launch out to the bar, and took the twenty-seven lamp posts on board, proud and happy, but very wet and cold. "Good-bye !" they cried to the bell-buoy. " Good-bye ! " she replied, and nodded a farewell. They were carried up to the City o' Ligg in triumph, by the very tug who had betrayed them, and were met by the Mayor and populace with a brass band. They were marched into the Park, opposite the Town Hall, where they received a" little lecture, but were forgiven for their noble service, and sent back to Queer-street, where they have behaved themselves perfectly, ever since. THE BICYCLE'S FAMILY. CELETT BURGESS THE bicycles were* perhaps, the cleverest and best educated members of the inorganic society of the City o' Ligg. The bicycles looked down upon the tricycles, and, in fact, upon all three and four-wheeled vehicles, and they did not associate even with hansom cabs, who wore their wheels side by side. Mr. Diamond Frame was a leader in bicycle circles, and was proud of his family and connections. He was mechanically perfect, a very high-grade wheel, and his father, Kangaroo, was one of the original Safeties, while, on his mother's side, he was descended from one of the ' rv best High Wheel Ordinaries, in the early clays of id rubber tyres. From him, he traced his ancestry back through the Boneshakers and the Velocipedes, for an hundred years or more. 1 66 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. Mr. Diamond Frame, when quite young, married a charming female Drop Frame cycle, a first-class wheel in every respect. She was very beautiful, and wore, on her wedding-day, a coat of white enamel, with full nickel trimmings. After a year or so he became the father of the prettiest GB of little tandem twins, a combination couplet, of which he and the mother were both fond and proud. But their next child was more of a trial, and very hard to manage He grew up to be a very sporty machine, this little Dia- THE BICYCLE'S FAMILY. 167 mond Frame he was a handsome racing wheel, with slender, light tubes, and a sprocket geared up to a fright- ful speed. He " scorched " shockingly, and was brought home broken or punctured almost every week. The father and mother were much distressed about his be- haviour, and dreaded to hear his bell ring after a long trip, fearing he had come back with a fractured fork or a broken crank. But the little Drop Frame daughter, who was born later, was her parents' favourite. She was a beautiful model, a modern chainless type, with narrow treads to her tyres, and altogether an up-to-date, stylish machine. Their hopes were set on an ambitious marriage for her, for theFrames were rich, and able to give her a generous dowry. When the father mentioned the matter to her, how- ever, he found that she had been indiscreet enough to have formed an attachment for an unspeakably low-grade wheel a machine with no distinguished name-plate, and who dressed in maroon-enamel and carried gear case, spatter-flap, a long pump, and mud guards. The son agreed with the father, that such a marriage was impossible, and promised to do what he could to pre- vent the match. He had begun to affect ram's horn handles and toe-clips, and sported a saddle of his own 1 68 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. invention, but he had altogether a stronger sprocket than steering-head. His style, however, soon interested a very aristocratic young Motorcycle whom he met one day at a club run. The electric wheel had just come from Paris, and had an immense amount of manner. He was a second-hand ma- chine, to be sure, but of foreign make, and a Motorcycle at that ; surely here was the chance to marry off the little Drop Frame with a fashionable wedding ! The Motorcycle, however, was expensive, and needed much inducement to agree. It took a long while to ar- range the preliminaries, but old Diamond Frame finally agreed to pay for all the repairs he needed. To their astonishment, however, the silly little Drop Frame daughter absolutely refused to leave her beloved third- class wheel, who, she asserted, was worth two of any foreign machines ever imported. Old Diamond Frame argued with her and lectured her and implored her, but all to no purpose, and he had about made up his mind that he would have to become the father-in-law of a cheap domestic pattern, when an unforeseen accident renewed his hopes for a more pleasant match. He was speeding with his daughter down Queer-street at a fast clip one day when, suddenly, the Drop Frame's THE BICYCLE'S FAMILY. 169 tyre collapsed, and she fainted away. She was taken into a repair shop to be pumped up, but though she was rubbed with graphite and given a good dose of oil, she found she could not go, and the father decided to send her to a cyclery for awhile. During her convalescence she was taken up to the school for beginners, on the top floor, and there, to her horror, she found her lover, disgracefully bobbing round the rink, lurching into the padded walls and tumbling over the floor, under the weight of a fat man, learning to ride. To complete his degradation, the miserable ma- chine was actually wearing a brake. A man's bicycle with a brake. How vulgar ! How effeminate ! o The sight was too much for the delicate little wheel, and she swooned away, and had to be completely re- paired. After her recovery she gave an unwilling con- sent to being engaged to the Motorcycle, and the day for the wedding was set. o But, as the time approached, her heart began to soften toward the poor lover whom she had rejected, and she often wondered if he were happy. She contrasted his affectionate manner with the snobbery of the electric machine whom she was, so soon, to call her husband. He would not work half the time. It needed a very large repair kit to satisfy his needs, and her father had 1 70 THE LIVELY CITY O ' LIGG. already begun to complain of the way he smoked and the liquid fuel he required. But no word came from her maroon-coloured lover, and she had given herself up as lost, when a second accident changed her whole life. She was out with her fianct, one evening, and had just begun to descend a rather stiff hill, when her brake gave way, and she lost all control of her pedals. " Help me ! I'm running away !" she shouted, in terror, to the Motor- cycle, but he, fearing to trust his own life on such a steep hill, refused to go after her. Faster and faster she flew down the slope, and she saw the river ahead of her. There seemed to be no way of escaping a violent death when, with a whirr and a rattle, a maroon-enamelled ma- chine shot after her at terrific speed. He charged up to her and caught her handles, and then, setting his brake with all his strength, he held her until the two came to a stop on the very edge of the river bank. It was her faithful lover. Old Diamond Frame was overcome with gratitude when he heard of the magnificent bravery and devotion of the hitherto despised machine, and, as he was indig- nant with the miserable cowardice of the Motorcycle, as well, he and his wife immediately gave their consent to the marriage of their daughter to her rescuer as soon as the previous engagement had been cancelled. THE BICYCLE'S FAMILY. 171 The gallant bicycle was given a new coat of black enamel, all his bearings were renewed, and his nickel polished, so that on the day of the wedding the cycles said they had never seen a more handsome bride and groom. THE FLYING STABLE. GELETT BURGESS THE little red stable with the peaked roof which lived on Sly-street, in the City o' Ligg, was not very well liked by its neighbours. There was a good deal of talk about its greed and vanity, and it was the firm belief of all the houses on the street that the stable devoured horses. They saw two or three horses go into its great mouth of a door, and they seldom saw any horses come out again. They were very stupid houses, and they could not tell one horse from another; they did not notice that the same three horses went into the stable every night, and they could not see, of course, that the same horses came out of the back door, safe and sound, every morning. So when the little stable insisted upon having gas put in, the houses grew very indignant. " The idea!" said one of the oldest residences; " I 176 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. have been built eighty-six years, and I never had gas in my life ! I think if oil is good enough for me, it is good enough for a little whippersnapper of a stable ! Who ever heard of having gas in a stable, anyway ?" But the stable had its own way, and it burnt gas every night, so that its two little windows shone brightly and winked mischievously at the scornful houses opposite till they drew their shutters and slammed their doors in dis- gust. THE FLYING STABLE. 177 Now, the little boy named Yak was going through the West-end of Ligg one night, and he came to Sly-street and caught sight of the stable that was lit with gas. The stable had a windmill built on its roof, which it used for pumping water, and this night being windy, the wheel was flying round and round with a merry rattle and clank as it pumped the water into the tank on the roof. " Well, well," said Yak, " you are the 'cutest stable I've seen for a long time ! You have all the modern con- veniences, haven't you ?" " Yes," said the red stable, turning still redder, " I flat- ter myself that I am thoroughly up-to-date." " He eats horses !" screamed the old three-story house across the street. " Is that true ? " asked Yak. The stable shut one window. " I'll go inside and see," said Yak. " You'll never come out ! " cried the three-story house. But Yak went in, just the same, and shut the door be- hind him, and locked it, so the stable could not talk. It was beautifully fitted up inside, and the three horses seemed to be very happy. Yak decided to spend the night there, and, not being used to gas, hg blew out all the lights, and lay down on the straw. The stable tried 1 78 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. its best to warn him of his danger from the escaping gas, but, as its door was shut, it could only shake and tremble so that Yak could not go to sleep. After awhile Yak began to sniff and cough. The place smelt abominably as the gas began to fill up the lofts. So Yak got up, and hearing the windmill whirling on the roof, he climbed out of an upper window, closed it behind him, and crawled over the eaves clear to the ridgepole. Suddenly, feeling very ill, the stable began to sway and lurch to and fro, rocking like a ship in the sea, and then, as it became filled with gas, it slowly tore away from its foundations and rose steadily in the air, like a balloon. It tried and tried to scream, for the stable was more frightened even than Yak himself, but it could not cry aloud, because its door was shut. So it sailed up into the sky, higher and higher. Yak was a very valourous little boy, and after a while he began to enjoy the flying trip on the stable. They were borne steadily along towards the sea by a North wind, and by daylight they were over the harbour, and he could see the water miles below him. But how should he ever get back? He had had no breakfast, and he began to get very hungry. The windmill, meanwhile, had stopped, as there was no more water to pump, and Yak thought he might, by set- THE FLYING STABLE. 179 ting the wheel going backwards, use it like a paddle wheel and navigate his airship back towards the City o' Ligg. The plan worked very well, and the stable headed north- ward and flew alonof till it eot over the town. o o There were several balloons in the sky, who had come from the mountains, where they lived, and these teased Yak and the poor dumb flying stable unmercifully, for the balloons were old enemies of the houses, and they were convulsed with laughter to see the ridiculous strug- gles of the stable floating high amongst the clouds. Two or three kites also appeared and flew around Yak, offer- ing him all kinds of advice, and one was good enough to fetch him up a loaf of bread for his breakfast. Now', two of the horses had been soon overcome by the fumes of the gas, and had fallen so fast asleep that they never woke up again, but one of them had been sleeping near a crevice in the wall, and when he awakened, feeling very queer and ill with the strange motions of the stable, he broke loose and began to kick at the front door. Finally he succeeded in breaking it open, and in that way the stable was able to talk once more. ''Oh dear! oh dear!" it cried, "what has happened ? I never felt so bad in my life ! Where am I ? " "You're up in the air," said Yak. "Open your win- dows and you'll see." i8o THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. " I don't dare to," said the stable. " I'm afraid of being giddy, up so high ! " " You can't be any giddier than you are now," said Yak. And as that was true enough, the stable ventured to open one window and look down. Immediately the gas began to escape and the stable dropped through the air. " Whoa ! " cried Yak, frightened nearly off the ridge- pole. " Don't open your windows so wide, but just raise one sash a little, and perhaps we shall get down safely, after all." This the stable did, and they fell slowly towards the roofs of the houses. When they were nearly down, Yak cried out : " Look at the houses all watching us ! I say, this is fun !" At this remark the stable, which was a very pert and vain little building, and fond of admiration, could not re- sist the temptation to open both windows very wide, to look down on the City o' Ligg, and, as it did so, a sud- den gust of wind swept them towards the church, and the poor little stable, with so much gas escaping, dropped with a downward rush right upon the sharp steeple of the church and stuck there, pierced through floor, ceiling and roof by the slender spire, impaled an hundred feet high above the street ! THE FLYING STABLE. 181 As for Yak, he was again nearly thrown off the roof by the sudden fall and shock, but after he found he could go no further, he climbed into the stable through a win- dow to see how he could escape. After hard work with a pitchfork and rake, he succeeded in breaking a hole through the wall of the steeple, inside the stable ; and once within the spire, he had no trouble in getting down into the belfry, and out through the church, safe as even But for the rest of its life the stable had to remain fixed to the church spire, an object of derision to all the houses of the City o' Ligg ; and inside its walls, too, the poor horse had to stay, all his life, being fed through the hole in the spire, and getting so little exercise that he grew fatter and fatter. For many years after that he could be seen poking his nose from the window of the stable in the air, gazing thoughtfully over the roofs of the City o' Ligg, pitying the poor horses below, who had to work all day and had never seen the top of a house in their lives. THE BLIND CAMERA. THERE were many Cameras living in the Ligg Photo- graphic Parlours, artists who looked down with scorn upon all other machines, not only upon the manufacturing or working members of the community, but upon such aristocrats as the Bicycles and Balloons as well. The musical instruments they recognised as artists, it is true, but it was the Cameras' opinion that most musical instru- ments were a bit mad. Even the Very Grand Pianos often got out of tune ; and, besides, they were all totally blind, from the Penny Whistles to the Church Organs. The Cameras themselves were deaf and dumb, but they never thought of that, as they had the best eyes of all the objects in the City o' Ligg, except the Telescopes, and the Telescopes didn't count ; they were not artists they were merely elaborate tools. i88 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. All sorts of Cameras worked in the Photographic Parlours. There were little Kodak and snap-shot affairs, and hundreds of Tripod Cameras who could walk on three legs ; besides these, there were the big studio por- trait Cameras mounted on wheels, who rolled majestically around the rooms, wrapped in their robes of black velvet. Some of these machines could take full-size pictures, and used enormously expensive plates. The mpst intelligent of them all, however, was a medium-sized, or 6-inch by 8-i-nch, Tripod Camera. He did not have such expensive fittings as some of the others, for he was not able to afford wide-angle lenses and iris diaphragms, but he used rather quick plates, and his shutter, though not of the latest pattern, gave a rapid, clean exposure, and he could focus as sharply as many of the big instruments. He wore a small, yellow felt focus- ing cap, and did a good deal of work outside mostly for he knew the town well, and could gauge the amount of light required to the sixteenth part of a second ; in- deed, he had taken very successful pictures in the rain. It was the 6-inch by 8-inch Camera who took most of the pictures illustrating these stories, so you can see for yourself how clever he was. Now, all Cameras, as is well known, see things upside down on their ground-glass screen ; to them, the whole THE BLIND CAMERA. 189 world is topsy-turvy ; but they are so used to it that they think it quite natural for carts to roll along with their wheels in the air, and for things to fall up instead of down ; they have never known anything different. If you will stand on your head for a few minutes, or walk round the room on your hands, you will get a very good idea how the world seems to Cameras, except that it doesn't seem strange to them, and they never get dizzy or top-heavy. One day, as the 6-inch by 8-inch was returning from taking a picture of the Flying Stable, he dropped into a shop on Queer-street, where he used to buy his chemicals, and there he found for sale a new lens, the only one of its kind ever manufactured, which, he was told, was quite a curiosity. No one had been willing to buy it, for the brass tube was so filled with prisms and reflectors that no C-invra cared to risk his eyesight by using such a new- fangled thing. The 6-inch by 8-inch, however, was a curious instrument, and fond of experiments, so he bought the queer lens, and took it home. He went directly into the dark room, took out his old lens, and inserted the new one. Then he opened the door and stepped out into the studio to tell the others about it. As the light struck him, the Camera staggered on his tripod, and fell up to the ceiling, as he thought i 9 oTHE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. for the whole place seemed upside down ! He sank on a painted imitation balustrade, and put on his cap in terror, not daring to look again. The other Cameras crowded round him, offering him draughts of hypo, and imploring him to tell them what was the matter. The truth was that the combination of prisms inside the new lens tube cast the image of the things it pointed at upon the screen upright instead of inverted, as usual, and the 6-inch by 8-inch had for the first time seen the world right side up. It was a long time before he recovered from his dizziness sufficiently to speak. " I remember having heard that we Cameras see things THE BLIND CAMERA. 191 in a different way from other instruments," said an old wet-plate Camera, after the 6-inch by 8-inch had explained his bewilderment ; " but, of course, as we can see better than any other machines, it must be that they see things upside down. This new lens seems to reverse the image in some way but it's no kind of a way for Cameras to see at all we can't be expected to walk on the ceiling like flies, can we ? You'd better take the thing out, and not try to stand on your head! Nobody can take pic- tures upside down ; it isn't natural ! " By this time the Tripod Camera had ventured to peep out through the lens again, and he exclaimed, " Why, you're standing upside down yourself ! " "Nonsense," said the old Portrait Camera, " you're crazy ! " All the other Cameras were of the same opinion, when the 6-inch by 8-inch rose to his three legs, and looked round the room with great amusement. He promenaded unsteadily up and down the studio, trying to get used to the strange topsy-turviness, stumbling among the chairs and furniture, like a sailor on a heaving deck. He did not realise that he was in the same position as the others, for he felt the floor beneath his feet, and he thought it a great joke that all the Cameras clustered about him, and even the little pocket Kodaks on the shelves were star- 192 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. ing- at him upside down. After a while he got so he could walk fairly well, and he went down the stairs very carefully, and out into the street. He thought it would be sport to take a picture of the Old Church upside down. It would make a great scan- dal in the City o' Ligg, for the stone Church was highly respected ; in fact, the picture would undoubtedly be suppressed. The whole City seemed to him to be enchanted, or as if he were in some crazy dream. The Camera was nearly run down several times by Motor Cars running past with their wheels in the air, and when he reached the Church, the sight of that stately, respectable old edifice, with its steeple pointed downward and its foun- dations in the sky, was so funny that he could not keep still for giggling. He chuckled as he focused his lens, so that the Church and all the Houses seemed to writhe and wriggle, too. He shook with spasms of laughter as he drew out his slide, and when he exposed his plate he was gasping and trembling in the silliest fashion. It was no use, it was too funny ; he knew he had spoiled the plate. He tried a picture of a row of Houses, and found it as hard to keep sober. So he stood on his head, and in this undignified position he took another picture more THE BLIND CAMERA. 193 calmly, for then the Houses shown on his ground-glass screen seemed, at last, right side up. But even then he couldn't help going off into little convulsions of laughter, every little while, at the thought of how absurd the Church had appeared. When he got back to the studio, and developed the plates in the dark room, he found the pictures were the queerest he had ever printed. The perspective was all wrong, the pictures were out of focus, the film had melted and run, distorting the Houses so that they seemed made of soft wax which had been left too long in the sun but, strange to say, they were still right side up, after all ! He could not understand it. The next day, after a good night's sleep, he got up, and, forgetting all about the new lens, he started to walk across the studio without noticing. When, however, he did really look around, he saw the room was upside down again, and again he was so terrified at the bewilder- ing sight that he lost his balance and fell, hitting the end of the lens tube with terrific force, smashing all the prisms and lenses into little pieces. When he at last revived, after having been taken to the dark room, the Cameras found that the poor 6-inch by 8-inch was totally blind. They put lens after lens into his eye tube, but though he could sometimes see well i 9 4 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. enough to be able to crawl around the room in the sun- light, he was never able to print any more pictures. Of course he tried, continually, exposing plate after plate in hopes he might be able to print some sort of a picture, but though he tried salt prints and silver prints, gold and platinum prints, blue prints and bromides, there was never anything but a blur on the paper, for his nega- tives were almost opaque, as if they had been painted with varnish. And so, disappointed and miserable, he pined away. The other Cameras in the Ligg Photographic Parlours were very sorry for the poor 6-inch by 8-inch, not only be- cause he was blind, but because they all considered him crazy. The Tripod Camera was all the time talking about what he called his " revelation," or the strange idea of the world the mysterious lens had given him. It was his firm idea that the Cameras all saw things wrongly, and that what they would call upside down was really right side up, and that things really fell down instead of up. But the Cameras only laughed to each other when the 6-inch by 8-inch talked like this, and said, when he had gone, " Poor thing ! that fall cracked him badly ! " But the fall had, indeed, affected him more than they thought, for, after he was found one winter morning, still and cold, at the window, looking for the rising sun, and THE BLIND CAMERA. 195 they knew that he would never crawl around on his three legs any more, or try and take his hopeless little prints, they came across a pile of negatives of his in a dark room. No one knew that he had taken so many pictures, and the Cameras were about to throw the meaningless, opaque sheets of glass into the dustbin, sadly, at the thought of the poor Camera's pathetic struggles to see, when sud- denly the oldest studio Portrait Camera, the old wet- plate machine, caught a glimpse of something on one of the negatives. " Look ! look!" he cried, in great excitement, and he pointed to a negative that stood slantwise on the shelf. As the light struck it obliquely, and was reflected from its film, there appeared on the surface of the plate the most wonderful picture the Cameras had ever seen. When the plate was viewed directly, it was nothing but a dull, colourless sheet of film, but, looking in this slanting way, in the reflected light, it was a perfect picture, in all the true colours of nature ! The sky showed blue, the trees were green, the flowers were red and yellow ! The poor 6-inch by 8-inch Camera had taken better pictures than he ever knew. The negatives were all saved, and put in a picture gallery, where they were exhibited as the most wonderful curiosities of the City o' Ligg. From time to time, 196 THE LIVELY CITY O'LIGG. stereopticon shows were given, and the marvellously beautiful views thrown on the screen were the delight of all the inhabitants. As time went on the fame of the 6- inch by 8-inch Camera grew and grew, and now he is universally acknowledged to have been the most talented artist that Ligg has ever produced, and his genius is spoken of with immense pride. But, in spite of that, the Cameras still believe, and probably always will believe, that the 6-inch by 8-inch was crazy, because he always insisted that upside down was right side up ! THE BUMPTIOUS BRIDGE GELETT BURGESS THERE were three bridges over the river Wob : the funny tubular girder, which confined the bothersome brig, the stone arches near the batteries, and the suspension- bridge, above the city. The last was the most disagree- able of them all ; finally, it went altogether too far, and got itself into trouble. It was not a good, honest suspension-bridge, hung from wire cables, as a suspension-bridge rightly should be, but it was supported by iron rods and straps, almost like a girder or a truss. Its floor rose in a long curve, almost like an arch ; altogether it was a mixture of styles, a mongrel bridge with a beastly temper no one thought it was safe. It had four great cast-iron towers, which rested on con- crete piers -in the river, and the ends of its suspenders, as the jointed rods which were stretched over the towers 202 THE LIVELY CITY O'LIGG. might be called, were anchored to masonry abutments, over which were built little wooden pavilions. What made the bridge more dangerous was that it had no sway-bracing, so that it trembled and shook in the wind, like a camel catching a cold, and more than one electric car had been thrown off the track by the vibration, while crossing the river on the suspension bridge. The bridge was always a growler and a grumbler, but, when the ferry line was established, plying across the river from the City o' Ligg to the Highland side, the Suspension was almost unbearable. " Ain't 1 good enough to take you across ? " he com- plained. " What's the use of going by water when you can go by land ? " But as he charged two cents toll, and the ferry-boats carried passengers for one cent, nearly every one took the steamers, who puffed across the river all day long, going and coming beneath the very floor of the bridge, smothering it in smoke. One Saturday, the bridge, who had had hardly a pas- senger crossing for a week, resolved not to stand it any longer. " If they don't want to use me any more," he said, " I'll be hanged to my towers if I'll stay here any longer for them to laugh at !" So he pulled, angrily, with all his might, on his rods and straps and hangers and braces, till it seemed as if he were going to pull up THE BUMPTIOUS BRIDGE. 203 his anchorage by the roots. Instead of that, however, he broke his suspenders off short, on the Highland side, and the jerk, when the rods snapped, threw him over, upside down, splashing and sprawling in the middle of the River Wob, to the terror of the ferry-boats who were passing. He struggled wildly for a while, in the water, his concrete piers in the air, and his cast-iron towers wobbling like a baby's legs under him, all his tension members, that were built to resist pulling, being compressed and bent out of shape, and all his compression members, that were built to resist pushing and pressing, being pulled at unmerci- fully. It was very painful in this unaccustomed position, but the bridge managed at last to crawl along up to the bank on the City o' Ligg side, till his two front tower- legs climbed upon the track of the Railway. Here he stood a while, resting, his two rear towers still in the deepest part of the River Wob. There was a big semaphore across the railway, at that point, and it cried to the bridge, " What 'O ! get off the track ! " and it held up all its arms to warn the trains not to pass. "I'm going to stay right here!" said the Bumptious Bridge ; " if the trains don't want to go over me, they can go round me!" and it chuckled to itself, to find how easily it would get its revenge. 204 THE LIVELY CITY O ' LIGG. Pretty soon a train appeared, far down the track, whistling and roaring. When it saw the semaphore warn- ing it to stop, it slowed up and came on slowly, stopping in front of the bridge tower that prevented its passing. The engine, which was of English make, pushed its buf- fers against the tower with all its strength, but it couldn't budge the bridge. The engine grew more and more angry, butting and bellowing with great fury, but it was no use. It could not pass the obstruction that way. Soon another whistle was heard, and another train came flying down the line, from the other direction. It was the Ligg Fast Mail. When it saw the semaphore waving its arms, it slowed up, too, and came cautiously along till it reached the bridge. " What 'O ! What's the matter ? " it cried. The bridge didn't even trouble itself to answer ques- tions. There it was, and there it was going to stay. But the Mail Train was in a hurry ; it would never do to be interfered with in this fashion. Now the Mail Train was of American manufacture, with a big locomotive, and cars with platforms and doors in the ends, in the American style. The engine had huge, high boilers, and its piston and steam chest were outside ; it had a big smokestack with a wood-burning funnel, a cowcatcher, and all that sort of thing. It was built for THE BUMPTIOUS BRIDGE. 205 steep grades and sharp curves, and it could do a mile a minute, easily. It did not propose to be stopped by a mongrel suspension-bridge with cast-iron towers, if it were upside down on the line. So the Mail Train backed up the line about a mile, and then the locomotive opened its throttle and tore down the track at full speed. When it got near the towers, the train gave a TREMENDOUS leap into the air, and hur- dled the bridge as prettily as a hunting horse takes a five-barred gate, and came gracefully clown upon the track on the other side, exactly on the rails, and then, without so much as stopping to say good-bye, that Fast Mail tore down the track for the City o' Ligg, to make up for lost time. The English train felt rather cheap, after this perform- ance, and it backed down the line for a half a mile, while the bridge was laughing. Finally it came to a little coal- crane, on a wharf beside the riven The crane was very sympathetic, and offered its services. " I think I might throw your carriages into the river, one by one," it said. " They're little ones, and not so heavy, and they'd float down stream, and no doubt help would be sent, when they were seen." As there seemed to be no other way out of the dilemma, the Locomotive reluctantly consented to allow the exper- 206 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. iment to be tried. The crane picked up the carriages, one by one, grabbing them by their ventilators, then swung itself round on its pivot and tossed them into the river. They floated off, in a bobbling procession, clown stream, and, just as the guard's van dropped into the water, a torpedo boat came snuffling up the river, in a great hurry. "What's all this?" he said, excitedly. " I thought these were some new kind of destroyers coming down to THE BUMPTIOUS BRIDGE. 207 attack the City o' Ligg, for sure ! Lucky for those third- class carriages that I made out their numbers in time. I was just going to pepper them with my rapid-fire guns !" The torpedo boat seemed to be much disappointed that there was no enemy to be fought, after all, but when it heard about the suspension-bridge, and how it had blocked the traffic on the road, it brightened up a bit. " I'll settle him ! " it said, and it shoved a Whitehead tor- pedo, full of clock-work and dynamite, into its tube, and puffed gaily up stream. The Locomotive followed it up the line, cautiously, but all the crane was able to see of what happened was a huge puff of white smoke and spray, and a scattering of little rods, straps and braces, like a handful of jackstraws tossed into the air. But next day the Locomotive came back to thank the crane, and told it that there was to be a new bridge built at the same place, a wrought-iron cantilever drawbridge of the latest design, and that they hadn't found enough of the old suspension-bridge to use for fish-line sinkers. But, somehow, the English locomotive never seemed to be very friendly with the American Fast Mail, after that ! THE ECCENTRIC LOOM. EOT IT was very evident that Loom No. 7 was crazy. All the other weaving machines in the mill laughed at her, and yet they were a bit afraid of her, too. She worked a deal more swiftly and noiselessly than they, and she never seemed to get tired and never broke down. All the other looms followed the fashions very care- fully. If stripes were in style, they wove stripes, or if the latest mode demanded plaids, or checks, or pin points, or polka dots, they all worked busily at these patterns all, that is, except No. 7. No one had ever seen before such queer patterns as the crazy loom wove. Her designs seemed absolutely meaningless to the other machines. They had never seen such hideous combinations of colour, they said, for they used the regular blues and browns and reds, while 214 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. No. 7 filled her bobbins with all sorts of unheard-of hues. Such monotonous, crude tints they were, in the opinion of the other machines, that they wondered she was allowed steam power at all surely, she was only wasting good material. But Loom No. 7 paid no attention whatever to her associates, and threw her shuttles back and forth all clay, often keeping on through the lunch hour, while the other looms were being oiled and cleaned. She always seemed to be intensely interested in her work, too, and rattled and clicked away to herself and never talked to the others. As she rumbled steadily along, the wide roll of fabric she was weaving grew fatter and fatter, and when she stopped to put in a bobbin of salmon or olive-green into her warp or woof, she would look carefully at the mysterious pattern on her tapestry, as if it really meant something to her, and she seemed to know perfectly whether or not she had dropped a stitch or broken a thread. Then she would rattle all over and hurry on, bangy-ty-bang, thumpy-ty-thump, as if she were afraid she wouldn't last long enough to finish the piece. Now at the end of each month the foreman came around to collect and carry away the finished pieces of cloth from the looms, and on the very day that No. 7 completed her roll of tapestry, he came into the mill- THE ECCENTRIC LOOM. 215 sheds with the Mayor of the City o' Ligg and the little boy named Yak. The Mayor had just built himself a new house, and he had come to select stuff with which to furnish it, and Yak had come to help him in his choice. So they went with the foreman of 'the mill from one loom to another inspecting the different patterns. " These are all alike," said Yak. " Can't you show us something- new and interesting ? " " Well, no," said the foreman. " We mostly follow the prevailing styles in this mill, and all the patterns are pretty much alike. But come over this way, I'll show you something queer!" He led them over to No. 7, and the Mayor and Yak looked curiously at the roll of tapestry. The Mayor laughed. "That is a crazy design, isn't it?" he said. " I don't see how you can afford to keep a loom running on this insane tapestry. You'll never be able to sell this stuff ! " The foreman scratched his head, and said, thought- fully, " No, I suppose not and yet, I dunno ! It seems to me that the loom is either crazy, as you say, or else it is a mighty clever machine ; altogether too clever for me. I confess I can't understand it at all, and that's the reason why I have an idea it must be something wonderful. What d'you think, Yak?" 216 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. Yak was silently examining the design, very carefully, and said nothing for some time. Finally he said to the foreman : "You send this roll of tapestry up to the Mayor's house, and let me study it out, and I'll let you know in a day or so what I think." The Mayor was surprised at this, for he was quite sure he would never want such a jumbled, unfinished thing in his house, but he had a great deal of faith in little Yak, and he made no objection. So the roll of tapestry was taken away, to the consternation of all the other looms, who whispered to each other, ' I say, No. 7 may not be THE ECCENTRIC LOOM. 217 such a fool as we thought, after all ! I always thought she was pretty deep. She's a 'cute one, that No. 7 ! " In two days Yak sent for the Mayor and the foreman. He had been cutting up the tapestry, and had it all spread out on a bare floor in the new dining-room, and, to the surprise of the two men, they saw that, in the way Yak had pieced it together, as it should go on the walls of the room, the whole sheet of tapestry formed a beautiful and elaborate design of great vigour and origi- nality, and that the juxtaposition of colours formed a fresh and charming scheme of decoration that delighted them both. None of this had been noticeable in the narrow strips woven by the crazy loom, but many of them, placed side by side and properly matched, made a single dignified and interesting design, appropriate for the decoration of such an apartment as the dining-room of the Mayor of the City o' Ligg. When the foreman went back to the mill, he oiled up No. 7 very carefully, and filled her bobbins with the most expensive silk skeins, tissues of gold and silver, and threads dyed with the rarest hues ; he had all her parts rubbed, cleaned and polished, so that she shone like an Empress upon her throne. The othrr looms were jealous and envious at this, yet they did not hesitate to imitate No. 7 as best they could. 2i8 THE LIVELY CITY O' LIGG. If it were the fashion to be crazy, and weave mad patterns of no possible meaning or form, why then they would not bother to follow their cards, but would throw their shuttles across haphazard. So that month the looms in the mill had a gay time, bouncing along carelessly, joking, and misbehaving themselves generally. They never troubled to stop if a thread broke or knotted, for what difference did it make ? If No. 7 could go on as she pleased, without rule or reason, making up her pattern as she went along, why shouldn't they ? If it were the clever thing to be incomprehensible, they could weave nonsense as well as she, and so they went on with their foolish and ridiculous work for a month. When the foreman came around next time, however, to inspect the work of the looms, and saw the absurd, nonsensical botches upon which the silly machines had wasted their materials, he grew very angry. The stuff was not good enough even for sacking, for it was weakly woven, full of holes and knots and loops, besides being of such barbarous patterns that it made his eyes ache to look at the rolls of fabric. He ordered the looms to be stripped of their silks and woolen threads and had all their bobbins filled with rough hemp and jute of a horri- ble dirt colour, and set them to work on the coarsest bagging. But the roll from No. 7, who had worked THE ECCENTRIC LOOM. 219 patiently and carefully all the month, he had wrapped carefully and packed in tinfoil and sent, in a solid mahog- any case, to the International Industrial Exposition of the year. The looms could never understand it, and they hated No. 7 more than ever. But No. 7 kept on quietly, with- out condescending to answer their sneers and ridicule. She could have explained the whole thing, if she had cared, perhaps, but she had no time to talk.