WHO WAS Next
 
 THE MAN 
 
 WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 BY 
 
 A HIGH PRIVATE. 
 
 RING-, IP-ublislier, 
 
 COR. BROMFIELD AND WASHINGTON STREETS, 
 BOSTON.
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1877. 
 A. K. LORING. 
 
 ROOK-WET,I. & CHTTKOHII.!.. 
 
 39 Arch Street, Boston,
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 JONAS SMITH. 
 
 A 
 
 THAT was his 
 name, and that 
 was the way in 
 which he wrote 
 
 it. Notice the peculiar character of the back- 
 hand, the size and blackness of the letters, the 
 swing to the J, and the curve of the 8. Don't you think 
 all that gives an appearance of importance to the name, 
 like unto that which attaches to the giant signature of 
 Johii^ Hopkins, which towers over all vothers in our glorious 
 Declaration ? Don't you know that, without the backhand, 
 and the size of the letters, and the swing, and the curve, the 
 above name would not be at all noticeable ? Even if you are 
 a SmitK, you mwst admit that there is nothing distinguished 
 or romantic about your name ; that the immense family to 
 1^ch you belong has managed, somehow or other, to turn 
 
 * 2061759
 
 4 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 out very few great men; and haven't you felt that your 
 parents, in imposing upon you that name (against their wills 
 perhaps) were very lax indeed in their duty, if they failed 
 to give you a front name (over which they had complete 
 control) which might compensate for the unpleasantness of 
 your family name ? 
 
 Now our hero (I despise mysteries, and therefore tell you 
 at once whom I am presenting to you) was well aware of 
 the estimation in which his family name was held by the 
 community in general, and was quite as well aware that his 
 Christian name did not improve the matter. If he had 
 been called Alexander, or Sidney, or Algernon, perhaps the 
 name as a whole would have made a better appearance ; but 
 Jonas, bah ! it was almost as bad as John. Now you can 
 understand why our hero wrote his name in the aforesaid 
 peculiar manner. 
 
 Don't imagine that our friend Jonas was an affected up- 
 start, because, if you should start out with that notion in 
 your cranium, much time might be wasted in removing it. 
 He was not of that sort at all ; on the other hand, he was a 
 clever, good-hearted fellow, with simple tastes and manners. 
 Let me introduce him to you. He was a medium-sized, 
 broad-shouldered young fellow, about twenty-six or seven 
 years of age ; his features were tolerably well marked ; his 
 eyes, dark gray in color, had a habit of looking you straight 
 in the face, as if they had no fear of your reading anything 
 wrong in their depths; and his mustache and hair were 
 chestnut in color. That's a skeleton merely ; you must let 
 imagination do its duty, and place the flesh on the bones.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 5 
 
 Our hero was a lawyer by trade, there, I am compelled 
 to apologize at once for that word. Of course I might erase 
 it, but I have resolved to write this story currents calamo, 
 and so I must apologize. Instead of trade, I should have 
 said profession, for it seems that the man who builds a house 
 or a piano has a trade, while a man who uses books for 
 tools, and presents paper covered with writing as his handi- 
 work, is a member of a profession. Ah, well ! I bow to 
 general opinion, and respect the mysteries of words. Our 
 hero, then, was a lawyer by profession, a young lawyer. 
 Did you ever study that lusus natures, a young lawyer? Not 
 the kind that you find in novels, but the real genuine, simon- 
 pure article? Of course, I am well aware that in novels 
 there is put into the hands of a young lawyer, as soon as he 
 is admitted to the bar, some important case, which he tries 
 (if the novelist is to be believed) in a manner that would 
 cause old practitioners to explode with laughter. Of course 
 he is successful, and of course business flows in upon him. 
 Well, it isn't that kind of a lawyer that I desire to intro- 
 duce to you. In real life the young lawyer is allowed by 
 his friends to struggle with their petty business, and is very 
 fortunate if he can revel in suits on promissory notes. 
 
 Our friend Jonas had picked up a fair amount of legal 
 business, enough to provide him with means of subsistence, 
 and something over ; his prospects were tolerably fair, and, 
 considering his age, he was well on his way to the position 
 of Chief Justice of the United States, which, I suppose, 
 must be the goal of every lawyer's ambition, because it is 
 well known that that place is given for merit, except of
 
 6 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 course in those few cases, where it has gone to an incumbent 
 on the ground on which maidens are popularly supposed to 
 distribute their kisses, i. e., by favor. 
 
 Jonas probably burned some midnight oil (I believe that 
 is the regulation thing to do in the profession), but not 
 enough to hurt him, and he managed to find time to make 
 himself quite a favorite in the set in which he moved 
 socially. He was decidedly fond of society ; but, though he 
 had flirted on the edge of the love-precipice several times, 
 he had never tumbled over^ and so, at the time he is pre- 
 sented to you, that piece of internal furniture, which he 
 called his heart, was still safe and sound. 
 
 CHAPTER H. 
 
 HOW COLONELS WERE MADE. 
 
 DOUBTLESS most of you are familiar with the story of the 
 man who entered a bar-room in the West, which was full of 
 loungers, and remarked, "Major, will you take a drink?" 
 and who was astonished when he saw every man in the room 
 march up to the bar ; but old stories must be resuscitated 
 whenever they will* point a moral or adorn a tale. 
 
 Prior to the war there were undoubtedly many gentlemen, 
 in this great land, who bore military titles acquired iu a 
 manner which would not bear examination much better than
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 7 
 
 will the medical diplomas issued by a certain Philadelphia 
 University. The war was a piece of good fortune to gentle- 
 men who wore supposititious military titles. When about 
 every third man you met was honestly entitled to be called 
 general, or colonel, or major, you never suspected that any 
 one's military title was obtained in a surreptitious manner. 
 In order, however, that I may not impose upon your credulity, 
 I propose to tell you exactly how Jonas Smith acquired the 
 title of colonel, which he wore. 
 
 Did you ever examine any young lawyer's office? No? 
 Let me introduce you then to one, at once. The process of 
 getting one up in a proper shape is very simple. An old 
 lawyer, who possesses a library, hires a large room or a suite 
 of rooms. If it is one room, that is divided off into cubby- 
 holes by wooden partitions ; if it is a suite, it consists 
 usually of one large room and several very small ones. 
 The old lawyer occupies the largest cubby-hole, and rents 
 out the rest of them to young lawyers. In his cubby-hole 
 the young lawyer puts a desk, a chair for himself, and a 
 chair for the expected client. If a client happens to appear 
 ho is led into the young lawyer's private office, i. e., the 
 aforesaid cubby-hole, and the people in the next cubby-hole 
 are let into the client's secrets as rapidly as the lawyer, 
 whom he is consulting, is. 
 
 This system is, of course, open to certain objections, but it 
 has its compensations. It is cheap ; it enables the neophytes 
 to aid each other ; and it leads to much fun and good fellow- 
 ship. All knowledge of law is not acquired from rusty 
 books ; the rubbing of minds together puts many ideas into
 
 8 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 the heads of the owners of those minds, and helping some 
 one else is almost as good as working for yourself ; not quite 
 as good, because the human mind is so constituted that it 
 hankers after shekels, when it has done work. 
 
 Jonas Smith's office was organized upon the above-men- 
 tioned plan. The head of the office was an old fellow, who 
 had been at one time a justice of the peace, and had thus 
 acquired the title of judge. He was a short, fat, round- 
 faced, jolly old fellow, who liked nothing better than to 
 assemble a party in the main room, and to indulge in queer 
 stories and sly jokes. No matter how friendly he was with 
 any one, that person was a proper subject in his eyes to put 
 his stories or jokes on. 
 
 One day, when two of the intimate friends of Jonas were 
 sitting with that gentleman in the main office, enjoying a 
 social chat, the judge came from his own sanctum, placed 
 himself in front of the stove, and waited for an opportunity 
 to join in the conversation. Jonas noticed a sly twinkle in 
 the old fellow's eye, and, suspecting that he had some good 
 story on hand, remarked : 
 
 "Well, judge, what is it?" 
 
 "I was thinking," said the judge, "of your name." 
 
 "My name?" said Jonas, rather sharply, for that was his 
 tender point. 
 
 "Yes," said the judge, as calmly as if he supposed Jonas 
 was very proud of his cognomen. "Do you know that I 
 never met but one Jonas Smith besides you ? " 
 
 "Ah, indeed," said Jonas, a little sarcastically; "who was 
 the gentleman ? "
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 9 
 
 " Well," said the judge very sedately, "he was quite a dis- 
 tinguished man. He was colonel of the militia up in the 
 country, where I was brought up." 
 
 " Quite an important position," said Jonas, sneeringly. 
 
 " So he thought," replied the judge. " On training days 
 he would get as drunk as an owl, and wobble about on his 
 horse like a boat without a rudder. Everybody used to 
 roar at him. But perhaps he was one of your relatives," 
 added the judge, slyly. . 
 
 "No," said Jonas, contemptuously, "I hope not." 
 
 "Well," said the judge, as he retired to his sanctum, 
 " Colonel Jonas was a very good fellow, when he was sober." 
 
 Jonas' friends noticed that the judge's story had irritated 
 our hero, and so they took special pains, when they left the 
 office, to bid him good-by as Colonel Jonas Smith. 
 
 From that day the nom de guerre, I suppose it should be 
 called, spread rapidly among all the acquaintances of Jonas, 
 and it stuck to him so effectually that he answered to it as 
 readily as he did to his own name.. New acquaintances 
 heard it from his intimate friends, and, supposing that it was 
 an honest title, imagined that he would be offended if they 
 did not call him colonel. Thus the nickname became so 
 thoroughly fastened on our hero that, after a short time, he 
 felt no astonishment when addressed as a military gentleman, 
 and no compunctions in answering to the title. 
 
 In explanation of the general belief that our hero was 
 really a military man, it must be borne in mind that' the war 
 of the rebellion had been finished but a short time, and 
 brigadier generals to say nothing of colonels were as
 
 10 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 thick as blackberries. How was a stranger to know that Mr. 
 Jonas Smith had received his military title in a surreptitious 
 manner ? Military titles were so cheap that no one would 
 dream that any special one was not legitimate. 
 
 Fortunately not many of the acquaintances of Jonas were 
 military men, except several members of a militia regiment. 
 
 The latter, however, could not very well object to his 
 assumption of such a nickname, because every militia officer 
 feels in his heart of hearts that, no matter how bravely he 
 may carry his head on parade, there is nothing very substan- 
 tial about his title. And, if the citizen soldiery had objected, 
 what could Jonas have done ? Surely nothing. He was a 
 colonel notwithstanding himself, and, if he had wanted to do 
 so, he could not have dropped the title. Of course he could 
 have refused to answer his friends when they called him 
 colonel, and could have sternly reprimanded strangers for 
 making free with his cognomen ; but everybody knows that 
 that line of conduct would not have had the desired result. 
 We all know that our friends take special delight in doing 
 those things which annoy us most, and strangers would 
 probably have resented such reprimands, and have looked 
 upon our hero as an ill-conditioned puppy. 
 
 Anyhow, right or wrong, Jonas had become a colonel,' 
 and had become so accustomed to the name that he not only 
 did not object to it, but answered to it readily even when 
 addressed by strangers.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 11 
 
 CHAPTER m. 
 
 COLONEL WITHERS. 
 
 EVERYBODY knows that all the fun in life is not found by 
 strictly attending to business. Of course you are gravely 
 informed, by the Gradgrinds, that Mr. A. made his millions 
 by plodding at his avocation " from morn till noon, from noon 
 till dewy eve," on every secular day of the year. So be it ! 
 Let him keep his millions. Who would purchase them at 
 that price? Variety, after all, is the spice of life, and I 
 (mind you I am speaking only for myself) would much 
 rather have a little pleasure on life's journey than all the 
 millions in Golconda. I (speaking again entirely for my- 
 self) look upon business as a painful necessity at best, to be 
 dropped at every convenient opportunity. Of course, when 
 my imagination is in a terribly fruitful condition, I can men- 
 tally see a man who might look upon business as pleasure. 
 I once knew a man who, when he travelled and wanted 
 something particularly light and entertaining for reading 
 purposes, was accustomed to put a copy of Locke on the 
 Human Understanding in his satchel. I feel convinced, how- 
 ever, that I should heartily dislike the person who looked 
 upon business as fun, for I must say that I loathed the Locke 
 on the Human Understanding man.
 
 12 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 All which is introductory to the fact that Jonas Smith 
 dropped business for a short period, in the sweet summer 
 time, and started for the White Mountains. Jonas was not 
 accustomed to holidays, and naturally enough he had been 
 in some doubt as to the best place in which to spend his 
 vacation. He had finally decided between the St. Lawrence 
 and the White Mountains by the turn of a copper, mere 
 chance ! Forgive me, fate ! How could I have permitted 
 such a word as chance to slip in here, when all the suc- 
 ceeding pages will be written for the express purpose of 
 showing that the route, which Jonas should follow on this 
 occasion, was marked out ages and ages ago? Whatever it 
 was that controlled him, certain it is that he started for the 
 mountains, and that he had, at the time when we join him, 
 reached Boston by a rather circuitous route. 
 
 Jonas stopped at the Hub Hotel. Pshaw! of course it 
 isn't in the Directory. I didn't say it was ; I merely 
 remarked that it was in Boston. A great many people and 
 things keep and are kept out of the Directory. Some 
 persons don't want to serve on juries, some don't want to 
 submit to taxation on their personal property, and some are 
 terribly afraid of drafts. Between ourselves the proprietor 
 of this hotel kept it out of the Directory. Why? you 
 inquire. Look at the name ! How that name would touch 
 the heart of a Bostonian ! The truth is, that the landlord 
 feared that, if his house were well known in the city, it 
 would be filled with Bostonians. Strange, you say, that he 
 should not want his house filled with Bostonians. Not at 
 all, I assure you! Under those circumstances he would
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 13 
 
 have had no transient guests, and he would have been com- 
 pelled to pay wages to his waiters. 
 
 As our hero finished the last nourish upon the tail-end of 
 the signature, which he had placed in the register, the 
 clerk handed him some letters. 
 
 "Ah, colonel," said the clerk, "here are a couple of 
 letters for you." 
 
 Jonas took the letters. Sure enough they were addressed 
 to Colonel Jonas Smith. He carried them to his room, and 
 laid them aside, until he had made a temporary separation 
 between his body and the railroad dust which he had 
 collected. Then, having read his letters, he marched forth 
 towards the dining-room. As he approached the clerk's 
 desk, he saw walking up and down in front of it a tall, 
 well-built, fine-looking gentleman, about fifty-five or sixty 
 years of age. He was as straight as an arrow ; every 
 feature of his face was strongly marked ; a grizzled mus- 
 tache bristled on his upper lip ; his hair, partly gray, was 
 cut short ; his coat was buttoned closely across his chest, as 
 if he defied the heat, and his whole appearance was that of 
 a military veteran of the old school. 
 
 As Jonas approached the desk the clerk saluted him with 
 the invitation : 
 
 " Colonel, won't you take an appetizer before dinner ? " 
 
 The old gentleman, whose back was turned towards the 
 clerk, wheeled around and remarked : 
 
 " I thank you, but " 
 
 When Jonas very coolly replied : 
 
 "I don't object."
 
 14 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 The veteran looked at Jonas in astonishment ; but pres- 
 ently it entered his head that the invitation might have 
 been addressed to our hero. 
 
 " Are you, sir, a colonel? " asked the veteran. 
 
 Jonas, who thought the inquiry a slightly impertinent 
 one when made by a perfect stranger, did not see fit to 
 explain, and so he simply replied : 
 
 " At your service, sir." 
 
 " I'm delighted," said the old gentleman, coming forward, 
 eagerly. Then he stopped, and muttered, "I don't know 
 him from Adam. I'm falling into that deuced American 
 habit of speaking to everybody." 
 
 The old gentleman turned as if about to move away, 
 when the clerk came from behind the desk, and addressed 
 Jonas once more. 
 
 " Well, colonel," said the clerk, " are you ready?" 
 
 That started the old gentleman once more, and he button- 
 holed the clerk. 
 
 "Is that gentleman one of your friends?" asked he, 
 pointing to Jonas. 
 
 "Particular, I may say very particular friend," replied 
 the clerk, promptly. 
 
 " And you know that he is a colonel ? " asked the veteran. 
 
 "Know it ! Why, my dear colonel, I fought in the same 
 regiment," answered the clerk, as promptly as if his 
 imagination were not unusually vigorous. 
 
 " Suppose you introduce me," suggested the veteran. 
 
 "Charmed to do so. Colonel Smith, let me introduce 
 Colonel Withers ; Colonel Withers, Colonel Smith."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 15 
 
 "I'm delighted to meet you, sir," said Colonel Withers, 
 as he shook hands. "I'm always delighted to meet a 
 military man." 
 
 "I'm sure the pleasure is reciprocal," said Jonas, who 
 resolved, for the fun of the thing, to allow the old gentle- 
 man to think that he was a real colonel. 
 
 "And now, gentlemen, about that appetizer?" said the 
 clerk. 
 
 Whereupon they all adjourned to the bar-room, and 
 drank to their new-made friendship. 
 
 Colonel Withers was very pompous and dignified in his 
 manner ; but, to a military gentleman, he was a very pleas- 
 ant companion. Jonas and he stood chatting in the bar- 
 room for some little time, until our hero finally recollected 
 that he had started for the dining-room. Then he sug- 
 gested to Colonel Withers that, as he was extraordinarily 
 hungry, he would go to dinner, if the colonel would excuse 
 him. 
 
 "No," said Colonel Withers, "I can't lose you so soon. 
 When I meet a military gentleman I stick close to him. 
 It's just my dinner-hour, and, if you'll step into the parlor 
 with me, I'll introduce you to my daughter, and we'll go to 
 dinner together." 
 
 What could Jonas do under the circumstances, except 
 submit? As he looked at the well-marked features of the 
 colonel, he pictured in his mind the daughter as a tall, 
 raw-boned lady, with strong features, like unto her sire's, 
 and spectacles, of course spectacles ; for, curiously enough, 
 nature has always provided that kind of female with eyes
 
 16 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 that require spectacles. Still there was no way of avoiding 
 the infliction for the present, though Jonas resolved that he 
 would escape the female dragoon's clutches, if he were 
 compelled to change his hotel. 
 
 " Come along, colonel," said Colonel Withers. 
 
 Then he linked his arm in that of Jonas, and led our hero 
 like a lamb to the parlor. 
 
 As they walked slowly along the hall-way, Jonas could 
 not avoid glancing occasionally at the stony, hard features 
 of the colonel, and wondering how lie had thus allowed 
 himself to be taken possession of. Then the vision of the 
 female, he had conjured up in his mind, kept flitting before 
 his mental vision ; and- he shuddered as he thought of the 
 unknown ills he was daring. For a moment the idea took 
 possession of his mind that he had better take to his heels, 
 and fly at once, but he felt that that performance would be 
 not only ridiculous, but weak. 
 
 The colonel walked along by the side of Jonas in complete 
 silence ; not a word did he utter ; not an explanation did he 
 breathe. Jonas, who was looking forward to something 
 decidedly unpleasant, also advanced in silence. The parlor 
 was located at a considerable distance from the bar-room, in 
 fact at the other end of the house, on the floor above. Finally 
 they reached the stairs ; slowly they ascended the steps, and, 
 in a moment, stood on the threshold of the parlor.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 17 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 KITTY WITHERS. 
 
 THEY walked into the room. Jonas was prepared to meet 
 the strong-minded, spectacled daughter of the colonel, whom 
 he had pictured to himself, in a very dignified and distant 
 manner. He had made up his mind to address a few 
 commonplace remarks to her, to escort her, if compelled to 
 do so, to dinner, and then to escape from her presence at the 
 earliest possible moment. When he entered the room he 
 was as dignified as a pasha with ten or twelve tails, and as 
 solemn as an owl. He was somewhat astonished therefore, 
 when a very beautiful young girl rose from a sofa, on which 
 she had been sitting, seized Colonel Withers' arm, and 
 exclaimed : 
 
 " O papa, do you propose to starve me ? " 
 
 " Not a bit, Kitty," replied the colonel ; " but let me 
 introduce my friend, Colonel Smith; Colonel Smith, my 
 daughter." 
 
 Jonas was, it must be admitted, somewhat dumfounded,, 
 but he recovered his presence of mind sufficiently to enable 
 him to make one or two remarks before the party started for 
 the dining-room. Then they all left the parlor, and marched 
 slowly, but surely, towards the room in which the most
 
 18 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 important part of man's life is passed. Colonel Withers 
 was good-natured enough to walk a few feet in front of the 
 rest of the party, and thus enable them to become better 
 acquainted. 
 
 " Colonel Smith," said Miss Kitty, and then she hesitated 
 as if she were afraid that she might go too far. 
 
 " I am all ears," said he, smiling. 
 
 " But I fear that you may think that I am rude." 
 
 "Well, ask the question, and I promise to tell you if I 
 think so." 
 
 "Has papa known you long?" asked she, looking eagerly 
 into his face. 
 
 "The whole of half an hour." 
 
 "Half an hour, and he calls you his friend !" said she, 
 with a puzzled expression. 
 
 "He has done me that honor." 
 
 " " I never knew him to do such a thing before ; but then 
 perhaps some particular friend recommended you to him." 
 
 "Yes, a particular friend of your humble servant did so." 
 
 " Might one ask who he is ? " 
 
 "Certainly; he is your humble servant." 
 
 Kitty laughed gayly as they entered the dining-room. The 
 colonel led the way to his table, and Kitty and Jonas 
 followed him. 
 
 "By the way, colonel," said Colonel Withers, when they 
 had taken their seats, "my daughter and I take turns in 
 ordering dinner. It is her turn to-day, but of course you 
 will order what you please." 
 
 "Not at all," replied Jonas. "I hope Miss Withers will
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 19 
 
 include me in the party, and order my dinner with the 
 rest." 
 
 "I'll try," said Kitty. " Let's see. Soup consomme " 
 
 "That means consumed, doesn't it?" asked Jonas. 
 
 " Not so bad as that," replied Kitty, " for, on that principle 
 of translation, the cafe, glace, at the other end of the bill, 
 would mean coffee in glasses. Of course you will have 
 maccaroni soup." 
 
 "Of course," replied Jonas. "You made a very good 
 guess as to my taste there." 
 
 Colonel Withers laughed vigorously at the words of Jonas, 
 much to the latter's astonishment. 
 
 "Why, wasn't it a good guess?" inquired Jonas. . 
 
 " Very," solemnly replied Kitty, " inasmuch as there is no 
 other kind to-day." 
 
 They all laughed merrily at her remark, and the dinner 
 started off under good auspices. 
 
 Jonas managed to do his duty as a boarder at the hotel ; 
 and yet, while industriously plying his knife and fork, he 
 found time to scan Miss Kitty's form and features, and they 
 were well worthy of an examination. She was tall for a 
 woman, had a fine, though not slight figure, possessed 
 rather dainty .features, eyes that, though they were blue, 
 just' bordered on gray, and light auburn hair. When in 
 repose her features presented a rather solemn appearance, 
 as do all faces which have intellect behind them ; but, when 
 her eyes lit up and a smile played over her face, nothing 
 could be more bright and sparkling than her countenance. 
 
 The colonel was evidently very fond of his fair daughter,
 
 20 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 and it was apparent, to the most casual observer, that Miss 
 Kitty could dp almost anything she pleased with her doting 
 father. 
 
 Perhaps it may be well to explain, before going further, 
 who our hero's new friends were. Colonel Withers had 
 been the lieutenant-colonel of a regiment in the English 
 army, but was now on the retired list. He had visited New 
 York in accordance with the advice of his physician, and 
 had been quietly domiciled there more than six months ; in 
 fact he had not left the city after his arrival there, until the 
 advent of summer had started him on the regulation Ameri- 
 can pilgrimage to a watering-place. Kitty was the only 
 member of his family now living, and all the affection of her 
 father seemed to be centred in her ; but then Kitty repaid his 
 love heartily, and the colonel generally indulged her most 
 thoroughly. Kitty was much more like an American than 
 an English girl, more free in her manners, less cold, and 
 dignified and distant, than most English young ladies appear 
 to be. Perhaps the fact that she had been for so long a 
 time ever since her mother's death, three years before we 
 present her the mistress of her father's household may 
 account for that ; and perhaps it may have been merely her 
 natural disposition. 
 
 As our party was idling over the nuts and raisins, Jonas 
 suggested : 
 
 " I am very sorry that I shall be compelled to leave such 
 pleasant company so soon." 
 
 " Why," asked Colonel Withers, " must you go at once ?" 
 
 "In the morning," replied Jonas.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 21 
 
 " Ah," sighed Kitty, " we leave at some wretchedly early 
 hour." 
 
 " Which way do you go? " asked Colonel Withers. 
 
 " To the White Mountains," replied Jonas. 
 
 "Why, papa," said Kitty, and then she stopped suddenly. 
 
 " Yes," said her father," we are going to the same place, 
 and, if not disagreeable to you, I don't see why we can't 
 travel together." 
 
 Kitty's eyes sparkled as she looked at Jonas, as if she also 
 was thinking that she could not see why they could not 
 travel together. 
 
 "I should like it very much," said Jonas, casting upon 
 Kitty a glance of admiration, under which her eyes fell. 
 
 So they arranged the details of the route then and there. 
 As they left the dining-room Jonas excused himself for the 
 afternoon, by informing them that it was absolutely neces- 
 sary that he should call upon a friend. 
 
 " But you will drop into our box at the Globe this even- 
 ing ? " said the colonel. 
 
 Jonas read an invitation in Kitty's eyes, and assured the 
 colonel that he would. 
 
 CHAPTEE V. 
 
 DRILLING A COLONEL. 
 
 Now when Jonas made that statement, that it was abso- 
 lutely necessary that he should call upon a friend, it must
 
 22 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 be admitted that he wandered a little from the exact truth. 
 However, the truth is sometimes a very unpleasant com- 
 panion, and even a hero may be pardoned if he occasionally, 
 very occasionally of course, stray away from such an asso- 
 ciate. It was not at all necessary that he should call upon 
 his friend ; in fact, prior to meeting Miss Kitty, he had not 
 had the most remote intention of calling on his friend, but 
 during dinner-hour he had reasoned himself into a belief 
 that that visit was an absolute necessity. 
 
 You see, the colonel's daughter was very pretty, uncom- 
 monly pretty would not be too strong a way of putting it ; 
 she had taken captive Jonas' fancy, and that gentleman 
 surmised that she would be a ve"ry pleasant companion 
 among the mountains. To keep near the daughter, how- 
 ever, it was necessary that he should sometimes interest the 
 father. Now he had been introduced to the father as a 
 colonel ; in fact, he had admitted to the old gentleman that 
 he was a colonel, and he felt that he could not have attained 
 his present position in the colonel's family except as a 
 colonel. It was absolutely necessary, then, that he should 
 sustain, at least decently, the character in which he had 
 started. How was he to do that? Of course he had the 
 general stock of information with regard to our late war, 
 which is possessed by most intelligent people ; but that 
 would not be sufficient for a colonel. He knew, for in- 
 stance, that there had been a battle at Gettysburg; but 
 whether the Union forces were there located on a hill and 
 the Confederates in a valley, whether the right wing or the 
 left wing of either army rested on a river, or a house, or
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 23 
 
 was in the air, were unknown facts to him. And yet, if he 
 intended to be a colonel, even a pseudo-colonel, he must 
 mark out the battles at which he had been present. He 
 could, of course, have placed himself in the rear guard, but 
 that would have been contra dig., and it would probably 
 have disgusted the colonel. Now, Jonas had a friend in 
 Boston, who was a real major, and he resolved to go to that 
 gentleman, get a few hints for his guidance in the future, 
 and borrow some military works and a history o'f the civil 
 war. 
 
 Thus our hero reasoned. See how plain a story will put 
 him down. He could have gone to Colonel Withers, and 
 said, " Sir, I am not a colonel. I have never been in the 
 army." 
 
 To be sure, Colonel Withers woulcj probably have replied, 
 ?t Then, sir, I wish you a very good day." 
 
 That would have been unpleasant, but it shows that there 
 was no real necessity for the visit which Jonas proposed to 
 make. Unfortunately, if Colonel Withers should thus cast 
 him off, he would be driven from the presence of Miss 
 Kitty, and well, he really wanted to become better 
 acquainted with that little lady. So off Jonas went to call 
 on Major Vinturn. 
 
 Major Vinturn lived in a pleasant little cottage in Cam- 
 bridge, and, when Jonas reached the house, the major and 
 his wife were sitting on the piazza, enjoying the cool after- 
 noon breeze. Of course they welcomed Jonas heartily, and 
 made much of him. So full was he of his subject, that 
 hardly were the greetings over, when he burst forth :
 
 24 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "I say, major, make a colonel of me." 
 
 Mrs. Vinturn, who was a tall brunette, of a lively disposi- 
 tion, laughed vigorously at this remark. The major, a 
 rather tall, sedate-looking man, took it more seriously, and 
 replied : 
 
 " Pooh, Jonas, don't be so modest ! Ask for a major-gen- 
 eralship at once." 
 
 " Pshaw ! " said Jonas. " I don't mean that." 
 
 "Honestly, however," said the major, "when I am 
 elected president, you shall be appointed to the first vacant 
 colonelcy." 
 
 All this amused Mrs. Vinturn, and she laughed merrily at 
 Jonas. 
 
 "What I want," said Jonas, "is to know what a colonel 
 does and says." 
 
 "Well," said the major, "he struts around a good deal, 
 puts on a great many airs, and says very little." 
 
 " Then I think," said Jonas, "that I can do that." 
 
 "Yes, I think so," said Mrs. Vinturn, "as far as the 
 strutting goes." 
 
 " You know," said the major, " a fellow gets a deuce of a 
 reputation for cleverness, if he only looks wise, and keeps 
 his mouth shut all the time." 
 
 "Come," said Mrs. Vinturn, " tell us all about it." 
 
 Then Jonas told them about his new acquaintances, painted 
 the colonel in sombre and Miss Kitty in glowing colors, and 
 told them how he feared that, if the colonel found out that 
 he was an impostor, he would prevent him from becoming 
 better acquainted with the fair Miss Kitty.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 25 
 
 " Now," said Jonas, "you know just what I want ; so drill 
 me in my business as rapidly as you can." 
 
 " But I have some doubts," said the major, slyly, "as to 
 the propriety of such a line of conduct." 
 
 " Pshaw ! " said Jonas. 
 
 "But hear me," continued the major. "Here you propose 
 to foist yourself upon an unsuspecting old gentleman as a 
 colonel, when you are not even a high private, and you 
 want to make me a particeps criminis before the act. 
 Eeally, my dear fellow, that's stretching friendship." 
 
 " Now I'll leave it to Mrs. Vinturn, if it is not fair enough 
 under the circumstances." 
 
 " Of course it is," replied that lady. " All things are fair 
 in love. Besides, what right has the father to prevent any 
 one but a military gent from enjoying the society of his 
 daughter ? " 
 
 " Well," said the major, " if the wife of my bosom thus 
 turns against me, I am at your service. Now, if you'll 
 come out into the garden, and let Mrs. Vinturn look after 
 tea, I'll instruct you." 
 
 " But why can't I see the performance ? " asked Mrs. 
 Vinturn. 
 
 " My dear," said her husband, " I am only a major, and I 
 have a vague impression that you already fill the position of 
 lieutenant-colonel. That's quite high enough for me." 
 
 "Well," said Mrs. Vinturn, laughing, "don't stay more 
 than an hour." 
 
 Jonas and the major strolled into the garden, and the 
 major poured forth such suggestions as he could think of in
 
 26 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 the brief period at his command. Then they returned and 
 took tea with Mrs. Vinturn.' 
 
 Jonas had scarcely time to enjoy his cigar before he was 
 compelled to start forth in order to keep his engagement at 
 the theatre. Of course he could have stayed at the major's 
 and missed the engagement. Would you have done so? 
 My dear sir, I don't believe you would. 
 
 Jonas enjoyed himself very much at the theatre, and 
 when they reached the hotel and said good-night he quite 
 rejoiced in the reflection that they would meet on the mor- 
 row. As soon as he had reached his room he attacked the 
 books which the major had sent to his hotel. History is 
 very interesting reading, and Jonas would probably have 
 known all about the battle of Antietam, if, unfortunately, the 
 page of the book had not been constantly covered by a bright, 
 charming face, that seemed to smile at him. He fell to day- 
 dreaming, and when he finally closed the volume he went to 
 bed with but a slight increase of his stock of information, 
 and there he fell to dreaming again, real dreaming on this 
 occasion. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 JOUBNEYING. 
 
 ON the following morning Jonas did not succeed in rising 
 as early as he had intended ; so that, when he reached the 
 parlor, he found the colonel and his fair daughter waiting
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 27 
 
 for him. Jonas made his excuses as well as he could, charg- 
 ing his dilatoriness to the book he had read( !) . 
 
 " Have you heard, Colonel Smith, of the new proverb they 
 have discovered in Pompeii ? " asked Miss Kitty. 
 
 " No, indeed," replied he. " What is it? " 
 
 " 'The early bird catches the worm.'" 
 
 "But it strikes me that I have heard that before." 
 
 " Can it be possible ? Well, in this case the worm is 
 breakfast, and I fear we may lose it." 
 
 " There's some danger of that," added Colonel Withers. 
 
 Well then," said Jonas, " en avant" 
 
 Now there are a thousand-and-one places to which a 
 tourist can go, and there are many ways by which a tourist 
 can go to them, but the experienced traveller finds very few 
 spots at which he likes to tarry, and the means of convey- 
 ance to them very limited. It's all very well for corpora- 
 tions to advertise that they will take you through to your 
 destination, without change, by a route which is one mile 
 shorter in space and five minutes shorter in time than that 
 of any opposition line ; it's all very well for commercial 
 travellers and gentlemen of that kind ; but the real tourist 
 does not pine after anything of that sort. Make the route 
 attractive, and the length of it will not be troublesome. 
 Sitting in a railroad car during the whole day, admiring 
 virgin forests, may be sport to some folks, but then those 
 people would probably get fun out of the elevating occupa- 
 tion of sitting in their back-yards a,nd gazing upon a potato 
 patch. Anyhow our party did not select the through route ; 
 they went by a road which offered at least a little variety.
 
 28 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 From Boston they went by rail to Weirs on Lake Winui- 
 piseogee. When they entered the drawing-room car, Jonas 
 took particular pains to put Miss Kitty between her father 
 and himself. Then, whenever the old colonel attempted to 
 talk to him, he pretended that the noise of the train pre- 
 vented him from hearing, and thus compelled the old gentle- 
 man to screech out every observation that he made. This 
 sort of conversation soon wearied the veteran, and then 
 Jonas plied him with the newspapers, with which he had 
 provided himself for that purpose. Thus Jonas was at lib- 
 erty to exert himself in efforts to amuse Miss Kitty. Xat- 
 urally enough the first subject was the scenery. The 
 weather and the scenery are the Scylla and Charybdis of 
 conversation ; if you avoid one you fall into the other. 
 
 " Of course you'll be horrified," said Kitty, " when I tell 
 you that I don't as a rule adore scenery." 
 
 " I am rather astonished," replied he. 
 
 "Oh, I know that it is customary for young ladies to gush 
 over scenery ; but you must have noticed that they do it 
 over all scenery." 
 
 Jonas was compelled to admit that they did. 
 
 "That simply shows," continued she, "that they do not 
 appreciate it at all." 
 
 Jonas looked somewhat mystified. 
 
 "Of course," added she, "there are scenes which I admire 
 very much, but I don't think that every particle of landscape 
 is something to marvel at." 
 
 Jonas had never thought of that before. He had been 
 accustomed, as most people are, to assent when asked if the
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 29 
 
 scenery before him was not beautiful, without reflecting that 
 discrimination is the very soul of true admiration. He began 
 to think that Miss Kitty was at least a young lady, who had 
 opinions of her own, and who, unlike the majority of her sex 
 and age, was not afraid to express them. He was further 
 strengthened in this view when she pointed out to him 
 several delicious bits of landscape, which he was compelled 
 to admit showed excellent taste on her part. 
 
 There is not usually a lack of conversation between an 
 intelligent young couple, especially when the lady has views 
 of her own which she is able to express ; and so they ram- 
 bled on in their talk over books, and plays, and actors, and 
 even glided around the edges of that terrible maelstrom, 
 society. To be sure they often differed, but that led to 
 discussion, and gave zest to the conversation. Altogether 
 Jonas was having a very pleasant time ; for a woman, who 
 has wit enough to keep your intellect constantly on the 
 qui vive, is rare company. 
 
 Presently the colonel finished his papers. Then he took 
 off his glasses and looked at Jonas and Kitty. As he gazed 
 at them the thought came into his mind that this new 
 acquaintance, about whom he knew nothing, was becoming 
 uncommonly well acquainted with Miss Kitty. Now that 
 was not what he had intended by any means, but what could 
 he do at the present moment? He thought it over slowly 
 and carefully. If he had been called upon to lead a regi- 
 ment against thousands of howling East Indian savages he 
 would have known what to do ; but how to prevent this 
 budding intimacy was a conundrum which he could not
 
 30 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 solve. The worst of it was that he was not quite sure that 
 he desired to prevent it. Kitty was young, and naturally 
 enjoyed the society of young people ; if this youthful colonel 
 could amuse her, why should he not be allowed to do so?. 
 The colonel thought, and thought, and thought about this 
 matter and fell asleep. 
 
 Jonas and Kitty meanwhile were becoming quite well 
 acquainted with each other, and Jonas thanked his stars that 
 he had not informed the old gentleman that his title was only 
 a nickname, for he found that Miss Kitty was a delightful 
 companion. The old colonel slept on, and the young colonel 
 chatted on, until they reached Weirs. 
 
 CHAPTEK VH. 
 
 A DAY AT CENTRE HARBOR. 
 
 THEY arrived at Weirs. Here, according to the pro- 
 gramme, they were to have embarked on a steamboat, but, 
 alas ! that fickle means of conveyance had unfortunately 
 broken some of the manifold intricate pieces of iron, which 
 formed her motive-power, and she lay, like some wounded 
 Titan, at the dock, quite incapable of accomplishing her 
 usual work. Some six-seated wagons had, however, been 
 sent for the passengers, and presently they hurried therein. 
 Unfortunately the colonel was rather slow in his movements,
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 31 
 
 so that all the passengers, except his party, had ensconced 
 themselves in the wagons before he reached them. And it 
 was raining; that is the way they put it in that country, 
 but in our more civilized community we would have said 
 that it was raining cats and dogs. Every seat in the wagons 
 was full ; there was nothing better for them than a seat with 
 the driver. It took some little time for that fact to impress 
 itself on Colonel Withers' mind. Then he glared at every- 
 body. 
 
 "Some of these people might give a lady a seat," gruffly 
 said Colonel Withers. 
 
 Not a soul stirred. There were men inside, but, under 
 the circumstances, they declined to move. Every one waited 
 for some one else. You see in a car it's all very well for a 
 man to rise and offer his seat to a'lady ; there the fair lady 
 is before your eyes, and the only punishment you suffer is 
 that of being compelled to stand. Here, unfortunately, the 
 lady was so wrapped up that no one could tell whether she 
 was fair or otherwise, and the rain outside was falling very 
 rapidly. 
 
 " Pooh, papa ! " said Miss Kitty. w I am wrapped up in my 
 waterproof, and we all have umbrellas; we'll sit on the 
 driver's seat." 
 
 So they sat on the driver's seat, and that gentleman sat on 
 the dashboard. 
 
 Kitty hid herself under an umbrella ; the colonel did 
 likewise, and Jonas followed their example. The wind, 
 however, continually played elfish tricks with their means of 
 shelter ; at which performances the colonel became enraged.
 
 32 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Eatty, on the other hand, laughed heartily at their mishaps, 
 and, as Jonas assisted her in that occupation, the colonel 
 finally joined in. Then, as Kitty insisted upon holding her 
 own umbrella, and as that required both her hands, Jonas 
 was of course compelled, whenever her waterproof blew 
 open or the cape on it blew in her face, to wrap it around 
 her more carefully, or to remove the obnoxious garment 
 from her face, even at the risk of touching her cheeks. As 
 she turned her bright, laughing countenance to him, and 
 thanked him for his attentions, Jonas again felt very 
 strongly that Miss Kitty was a charming companion, and 
 that he must by all means keep on the military side of her 
 father, at least for the present. 
 
 Centre Harbor is quite a little distance from Weirs, as the 
 road runs, and yet what with fixing Kitty's waterproof, 
 straightening her umbrella, laughing at her and his own 
 mishaps and chatting gayly, Jonas was quite astonished 
 when they reached their hotel. Fortunately the rain was 
 only a summer shower, and so, when they reached Centre 
 Harbor, the last drops were falling from the sky, and the 
 sun was breaking through the clouds. Of course every- 
 body was ravenously hungry, and so everybody hurried 
 from their rooms to the dining-hall. When Kitty entered, 
 escorted by her father and Jonas, freed from her wraps, 
 quite a number of young men who had occupied seats 
 inside the stages regretted that they had been so short- 
 sighted. 
 
 After dinner everybody strolled out to examine the place. 
 There was, it must be admitted, very little to see. Centre
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 33 
 
 Harbor would have been just the spot for the man who, 
 when he went into the country, wanted to go into the 
 country. However, the broad expanse of the lake stretches 
 before the house, and one who is fond of water scenery 
 can enjoy himself thoroughly at Winnipiseogee. Our 
 party strolled around the lawn for a while, looked into the 
 .billiard-room and bowling-alley, and then, taking a boat, 
 went out on the lake. Jonas kept the boat gently moving, 
 while Kitty, in a low, sweet voice, sang them dainty airs. 
 Thus they spent the afternoon. 
 
 In the evening, after supper, they sat on the piazza, and 
 watched the moonbeams as they glanced on the bosom of the 
 lake. 
 
 "Come, Colonel Smith," said the real colonel, " tell us 
 some of your army experiences." 
 
 Kitty looked at him eagerly as if she, too, would like to 
 hear some of his army experiences. 
 
 "Excuse me, colonel," said Jonas, " but diet you. ever see 
 Robertson's 'School'?" 
 
 " Did I ever see ' School,' Kitty? " askecl the coloneL 
 
 "Why, of. course you did, papa ; don't you remember howr 
 you laughed at the funny sayings of Naomi.? " 
 
 "Yes, of course," replied the colonel; "the girl who 
 didn't know how far it is to the mooni" 
 
 "Well, I think," continued Jonas, "that it is in 'School^' 
 though it may be in some other play, that the hero declines 
 to tell about his own victories,, even after the example- of 
 Othello is cited to him."
 
 34 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "But," said the colonel, "you didn't become a colonel all 
 at once." 
 
 "Ah I no no, of course not," gasped Jonas. 
 
 "Then tell us how you became one, for you are quite 
 young to have attained such a position." 
 
 Poor Jonas was in a quandary. What should he do? 
 was the question that was staring him in the face. What 
 would you have done under the circumstances ? Remember, 
 he knew that, if he confessed, the colonel would cut him 
 dead, and then farewell to Miss Kitty. He glanced at her. 
 She was looking eagerly at him, and, as she caught his eye, 
 added to her father's request : 
 
 "Yes, do, Colonel Smith, tell us all about the way in 
 which you became a colonel." 
 
 Even at that moment Jonas could hardly refrain from 
 laughing, as the thought of how he became a colonel flashed 
 through his mind, and he was half tempted again to tell 
 Colonel Withers the whole truth ; but, as he glanced at that 
 gentleman's severe countenance, and reflected upon the prob- 
 able consequences of such an avowal, he resolved that, for 
 the present at least, he would refrain, and so he simply said : 
 
 " There is absolutely no story to tell, colonel. In short, I 
 am Colonel Smith, at your service. That is all there is of it. 
 There, Miss Withers," added he, "I hear the 'Beautiful 
 Blue Danube ; ' surely you are not too tired to dance to those 
 strains?" 
 
 "Never," replied Kitty. "We ladies, you know, can 
 always dance, even when we are too tired to do anything 
 else."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 35 
 
 So they went into the parlor and left the old colonel on 
 the piazza to ruminate. ^* 
 
 "Well," thought the colonel, "it's queer, decidedly queer. 
 Either the fellow is astonishingly modest, or there's nothing 
 in it. I never was afraid to recount the acts I did, and I 
 don't see why he should be. Really, I'm afraid I'm allowing 
 myself and Kitty to become too intimate with him ; but how 
 the deuce am I to help it now ? He behaves like a gentle- 
 man, and I invited him to accompany us. Well, Kitty is 
 able to take care of herself, and, if not, why I'll look out 
 for her." 
 
 Meanwhile, Kitty and Jonas went on with their waltz, 
 and that led to a galop, and that to a quadrille, and that, 
 well, to innumerable other dances, until finally they strolled 
 out on the piazza to find the colonel, but he had disappeared. 
 Then they stepped out on the walk in front of the house, 
 and finally moved slowly down to the lake. Jonas saw the 
 colonel approaching them, but he avoided him by walking 
 along the lake to the main road, and then up that road to 
 the house. The colonel followed them, but did not over- 
 take them until they were once more on the piazza. 
 
 "Come, Kitty," said the colonel, "we leave early in the 
 morning, and must retire at once." 
 
 "Not so very early, colonel," said Jonas. 
 
 "Early for us, sir," replied the colonel, somewhat gruffly. 
 
 Jonas was astounded by the tone of the colonel's reply, 
 and even the "Good-night, colonel," of the fair Miss Kitty, 
 could hardly drive the colonel's speech from his ears. It 
 must be remembered, however, that Jonas did not know
 
 36 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 what the colonel had said to himself while Jonas and Kitty 
 were dancing. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 EN AVANT. 
 
 IN the morning our party prepared to take the coach, 
 which was to carry them to the railroad station. The 
 colonel was still solemn and morose, and still he looked at 
 Jonas with suspicion. Kitty, however, was still smiling 
 and agreeable, and so Jonas very soon gave up all efforts 
 to discover what ailed the colonel. 
 
 Of course our party rode on top of the coach. You may 
 say what you please about the new-fangled methods of 
 carrying people, but there is nothing, after all, like the top 
 of an old-fashioned stage-coach on a clear summer's day. 
 Riding high up in the free, fresh air, with six horses dashing 
 you along at a rate just rapid enough to be exhilarating, 
 must be enjoyed in order to be understood; it cannot be 
 described. 
 
 The colonel had intended to seat himself between Kitty 
 and Jonas ; but, unfortunately for him, nature has provided 
 that young limbs shall be spryer than old ones ; and so, 
 when he reached the top of the stage, Kitty was sitting on 
 the middle of the seat, Jonas at the far end, and the colonel
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 37 
 
 was, perforce, compelled to sit in the only seat remaining. 
 At first he suggested a change, but the driver soon put a 
 damper on that. 
 
 "Now look-a-here, colonel, if it be as you are a colonel," 
 said the driver, "I'm fat and so be you; I sit on this side, 
 and you must sit on t'other. This stage must balance 
 somehow." 
 
 The colonel dropped into the seat ; but he was decidedly 
 sulky. At first, whenever he replied to any of Jonas' 
 observations, he addressed that gentleman as sir, just for all 
 the world as if our hero were not a colonel. However, 
 Jonas exerted himself to the utmost of his abilities to be 
 entertaining, and his sallies and Kitty's merry laughter soon 
 put the veteran in better humor, and he almost forgot his 
 suspicions of the preceding night. 
 
 It was a charming section of the country through which 
 they passed, though it must be confessed that the road ran 
 up hill and down dale with tolerable regularity, and that 
 the stage ofttimes lurched viciously in the ruts. Oh, the 
 delight of riding on top of a stage-coach by the side of a 
 dainty damsel, whose faintest touch sends a thrill through 
 your frame when the coach lurches ! If, under those cir- 
 cumstances, Miss Kitty grasped Jonas' arm as a support, 
 instead of her father's, one should not wonder; for, when 
 one is frightened, one will do just such things, and, besides, 
 Jonas did not object; in fact, he rather liked the per- 
 formance. 
 
 The colonel, unfortunately, was driven back to his sulki- 
 ness by a blunder which he made. A large number of
 
 "8 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 buggies and wagons of every description passed the stage ; 
 they were in single file, and were placed close behind each 
 other. 
 
 "Where," asked the colonel of the driver, "are those 
 people going ? " 
 
 " Blackberrying," replied the driver. 
 
 "Black burying!" ejaculated the colonel. "Do they 
 bury colored people in this land without a hearse ? " 
 
 Everybody laughed uproariously at the colonel's mistake. 
 The colonel looked astonished. 
 
 "They are going for blackberries," explained Kitty. 
 
 Then the colonel drew himself into himself, and his looks 
 boded no good to Jonas. 
 
 Sure enough, when they reached the railroad, the colonel 
 took particular pains to place himself beside his daughter, 
 so that Jonas could not get very near to her. Jonas sub- 
 mitted to the inevitable, but he resolved that, at the first 
 break, he would change all that. Thus they journeyed to 
 North Conway and reached that spot just in time for dinner. 
 After dinner Jonas suggested to Miss Kitty that, as they 
 had a few moments to spare, they should take a look at the 
 village. To this proposition the colonel reluctantly assented, 
 and instructed them to return in time for the stage. Jonas 
 winked when he heard this suggestion ; for, although he 
 had suggested a trip through the village, the stage was 
 really the object which he had in view. 
 
 Now, as a stroll through the village included merely a 
 walk through a single street for a very short distance, and 
 a passing glance at Mount Kearsage, Kitty and Jonas were
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 39 
 
 soon snugly ensconced on top of the stage. When the 
 colonel came out he was astounded, for he had determined 
 to place himself in the middle of the seat, cost what it 
 might. He looked at Jonas grimly, but what could he do ? 
 He could not insult that gentleman openly, and besides he 
 did not know that he wanted to. If Jonas was really a 
 military man, the colonel was quite willing that the young 
 gentleman should amuse Miss Kitty ; but the horrible 
 thought darted constantly through his mind that perhaps 
 this young man, who had thus become attached to his party, 
 was not an officer at all. However, the colonel said 
 nothing; but, as he mounted to his seat on the stage, a 
 stern resolve entered his mind. He resolved that he would 
 probe this young gentleman's mind, and see if he really 
 knew anything about military affairs. 
 
 Accordingly, as soon as the coach started, the colonel 
 began ; but, unfortunately, the veteran had reckoned without 
 his host. When it is given to an American to be bright, he 
 is uncommonly smart. Jonas saw through the colonel's 
 attack at once, and resolved that he would not be probed. 
 The colonel stood up to his work manfully ; but Jonas was 
 too clever for him. Such rambling from one thing to 
 another, such changes of subjects of conversation, as that 
 young gentleman made, would startle the reader if here set 
 down. When the old gentleman pushed him too hard, he 
 would burst into a description of some battle, the details of 
 which he had read in the history he had borrowed, and 
 paint it for all the world just as if he had been there. 
 Then he would make the colonel withdraw by engaging
 
 40 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Miss Kitty in the discussion of something in which the 
 colonel was not in the least interested. Finally, the old 
 veteran gave up the contest, still uncertain whether Jonas 
 was or was not a military man. Jonas smiled as the old 
 gentleman withdrew, and gave himself up to the scenery 
 and Miss Kitty. 
 
 Truly it was a delightful scene through which they passed 
 during that afternoon. There is no more romantic road in 
 existence than the one which leads from North Conway to 
 the mountains, and there is no more delightful way of pass- 
 ing over it than on a stage-coach. The sun sank slowly in 
 the west as they drove along, the cool breeze of evening 
 blew through the trees, the shadows of the overarching 
 oaks lengthened in the road, and the full moon crept up- 
 wards from the eastern horizon. On they went gayly, and, 
 as the twilight faded away, they reached the Glen House. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 MB. AND MRS. HASTROM. 
 
 As the stage drove up to the piazza of the Glen House, 
 quite a number of the hotel guests rushed out to welcome 
 the new-comers. Among the spectators was a short, 
 chubby, round-faced, pleasant-looking young man, who, as 
 soon as he saw Jonas, cried out :
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 41 
 
 "Hollo, colonel, how are you?" 
 
 Jonas looked down, saw his interlocutor, and, with the 
 usual inconsistency of Americans, replied : 
 
 " How are you, Charley ? " 
 
 When Colonel Withers heard that salutation his face 
 brightened. Perhaps, after all, he thought, it is all right. 
 Suspicions are never proof, and Charley's salutation to 
 Jonas partially dissipated those of the colonel. 
 
 As soon as they reached the platform Colonel Withers 
 was seized by an elderly gentleman with whom he was well 
 acquainted, while Jonas was taken possession of by Charley. 
 
 " Come, my boy," cried Charley ; " Becky is in the parlor, 
 and I want to take you right in there. Why the mischief 
 didn't you come to the wedding ? " 
 
 Then he linked his arm in that of Jonas, and endeavored 
 to lead the latter gentleman away. 
 
 "Hold on," said Jonas. "Don't you see that I have a 
 lady under my care ? " 
 
 "Excuse me," said Charlie, "and introduce me." 
 
 So Jonas introduced him to Miss Kitty. 
 
 " What," cried Charley, " Miss Withers, the daughter of 
 Colonel Withers?" 
 
 Kitty laughingly replied that Colonel Withers claimed her 
 as his daughter. 
 
 '' I'm delighted," exclaimed Charley, " perfectly delighted. 
 Becky knows you. I've heard her say so an hundred times. 
 You must come right in, too. Becky's never been on 
 a wedding-tour before, and perhaps, but then, maybe 
 you've never been on a wedding-tour."
 
 42 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Kitty laughed heartily. 
 
 " Of course you haven't. What am I thinking of? But 
 come right in, Miss Withers. Two women can think of 
 four times as many things as one can. Come, Jonas." 
 
 "Not so fast, Charley," replied Jonas; "Miss Withers 
 must wait for her father." 
 
 " As the man says in the play," added Kitty, " I have a 
 father." 
 
 " Pooh ! " said Charley, " I'll fix that." 
 
 Thereupon he marched up to the gentleman who was 
 talking to Colonel Withers. 
 
 "Mr. Brown," said he, "won't you introduce me to 
 Colonel Withers ? " 
 
 The introduction was accomplished at once. 
 
 "Excuse me, colonel," said Charley, " but my wife knows 
 your daughter, and I want to take Miss Withers into the 
 parlor where Becky is, Becky is my wife, you see. Have 
 you any objection ? " 
 
 " None at all," replied the colonel. " I'll come there 
 presently for her." 
 
 "There," cried Charley, turning to Jonas, "I knew it. 
 Come along now, both of you, and see Becky." 
 
 As they walked along, Charley grew confidential with 
 Miss Kitty. 
 
 " You see," said he, " I never was married before." 
 
 Kitty laughed merrily. 
 
 "Oh, I know," continued he, good-naturedly, "that any- 
 one can see that ; it's written all over me, Becky says. You
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 43 
 
 see, however, Becky has no friends here of her own sex, 
 and so I am delighted to see you." 
 
 In the parlor they found Mrs. Becky. She was almost 
 the counterpart of her husband. A little, bustling body, 
 with brown hair and eyes, and with a nose just the least bit 
 " tip-tilted," she was just as full of fun and jollity as her 
 husband. After the ladies had gushed over each other suf- 
 ficiently, Jonas was introduced to Mrs. Becky, and he at 
 once made his excuses for not having attended her wedding. 
 Then Mrs. Becky escorted Miss Kitty to her room, Jonas 
 went to his room, and Charley strolled into the office. 
 
 Meanwhile the colonel had been investigating Jonas' 
 military standing ; that is to say, he had been laying the 
 foundations for such an investigation. 
 
 " Sir," said he to Mr. Brown, " are you well acquainted 
 with this Mr. Hastrom, to whom you introduced me ? " 
 
 " Certainly," replied Mr. Brown, " he married my sister's 
 daughter." 
 
 "And he is what, in the way of business I mean? " 
 
 "A member of one of the soundest firms in the city, a 
 good business man, and a clever fellow." 
 
 "I'm delighted to hear that," replied the colonel, quite 
 relieved. " And do you know Colonel Smith ? " 
 
 "No, except that I have heard Charlie speak of him." 
 
 Thereupon the colonel went to the desk, registered him- 
 self, and retired to the room which was allotted to him. 
 
 Charley Hastrom was one of the most intimate friends of 
 Jonas. Many times had they taken their bachelor pleasures 
 together. They moved in the same set ; but while every one
 
 44 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 supposed that Jonas would some day become a benedict, 
 Charley was looked upon by every one of his acquaintances 
 as a sure candidate for old bachelorhood. However, in those 
 things everybody is always mistaken, and so Charley mar- 
 ried. He found the goddess he adored outside of the set in 
 which he moved, as often happens ; which fact accounts for 
 the circumstance that Jonas was unacquainted with her. Of 
 course Jonas would have attended the wedding had he been 
 in town, but unfortunately he had been compelled at that 
 time to go to Washington on business ; so that, until he met 
 her at the Glen House, Jonas was entirely unacquainted with 
 Mrs. Hastrom- 
 
 Miss Kitty, on the other hand, had known Mrs. Becky for 
 two or three years, though never very intimately. She had 
 been present at the wedding, and had there seen Charley, 
 but that was the extent of her acquaintance with that gentle- 
 man. The truth is that Charley had done his courting and 
 marrying, as he did everything else, in a terrible hurry; so 
 that his friends hardly knew that he had found a divinity 
 before they heard that he was married. 
 
 Fortunately there are people in the world with whom you 
 become acquainted very easily, and who show their friendly 
 spirit at the slightest provocation, and fortunately there are 
 places where, "will you, nill you," you must become intimate 
 with the people to whom you are introduced. Mr. and Mrs. 
 Hastrom belonged to that class of people, and the Gleu 
 House to that class of places.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 45 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 CHARLEY PUTS A FEATHER IN THE COLONEL'S CAP. 
 
 CHARLEY HASTROM wandered impatiently up and down 
 the hall, waiting for his wife and Miss Kitty. Ever and 
 anon he'd glance at the staircase, as if he really expected 
 them. Certainly he had not yet learned the ways of women. 
 Who ever knew two ladies who could hurry from their 
 rooms, especially when one was a bride newly made? So 
 Charley wandered up and down for some time, impatiently 
 and aimlessly. 
 
 The first of the party who appeared, descending from the 
 upper regions, was Colonel Withers. The latter gentleman 
 at once linked arms with Charley and walked with him up 
 and down the hall. As the colonel was tall and indulged in 
 immense strides, and as Charley was short and walked with 
 little steps, the performance was amusing. Charley hopped, 
 skipped, and jumped in his efforts to keep up with the 
 colonel, until the usual topic with which conversation com- 
 mences, the weather, had been exhausted, and then he 
 deliberately stood still. 
 
 " By the way," said the colonel as they halted, '" you- are a 
 friend of Colonel Smith?"
 
 46 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 " Friend of Jonas ! " exclaimed Charley. " Of course I 
 am." 
 
 " Of course," added the colonel ; M but have you known him 
 for any length of time ? " 
 
 "Ever since I was knee-high to a grasshopper," responded 
 Charley. 
 
 "He's a clever young man," said the colonel, half-way 
 between asking a question and making an assertion. 
 
 "A better fellow doesn't live," replied Charley. 
 
 " He's rather modest about relating his military adventures," 
 suggested the colonel. 
 
 "Eh? "said Charley. 
 
 "Yes," added the colonel; "though we requested him to 
 tell us about them, he absolutely declined to do so." 
 
 Charley laughed. 
 
 "Why do you laugh?" asked the colonel, severely. 
 
 "Oh, merely at the thought that Jonas had refused to 
 relate his military adventures." 
 
 "Ah," said the colonel; "but how did he become a 
 colonel?" 
 
 Charley chuckled, but just at that moment they were 
 joined by the ladies. Kitty looked refreshed, and Mrs. 
 Hastrom looked as if she were ready for a hearty laugh at 
 any moment, if any one should see fit to provoke it. 
 
 The colonel was introduced to Mrs. Hastrom, and after 
 he had indulged in some old-fashioned gallant remarks he 
 returned to the charge. 
 
 "You haven't told me yet, Mr. Hastrom," said he, ''how 
 your friend Colonel Smith became a colonel."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 47 
 
 "Oh, but the ladies are not in the least interested in such 
 military memoirs," responded Charley. 
 
 " But I am," said Miss Kitty. 
 
 " And I, too," said Mrs. Becky; "for though I have often 
 heard you speak of Colonel Smith, I never heard you praise 
 his military achievements." 
 
 "No, I should think not," replied Charley. "Well" 
 
 He was just on the point of relating the true story of 
 Jonas' title, when the colonel interrupted him. 
 
 "You see," said the colonel, "I made Colonel Smith's 
 acquaintance, solely on the ground that he was a military 
 man, and I naturally feel interested in knowing how he 
 became one." 
 
 " Phew ! " said Charley to himself, as he listened to that 
 remark and noticed the eager look in Kitty's eyes and the 
 bright blush on her cheeks, *' it will never do to spoil sport 
 here. It's evident that the old gentleman would cut Jonas 
 dead, if he knew the truth, and then, judging from the 
 present appearance of things, Miss Kitty would pine away. 
 I must draw on my imagination." 
 
 " Well," suggested the colonel, " I suppose he did some- 
 thing or other which was valuable." 
 
 " Took something," replied Charley. 
 
 " A fort ? " asked Miss Kitty. 
 
 "An army? " suggested Mrs. Becky. 
 
 Charley was half-inclined to say, No, a drink ; but he 
 refrained. 
 
 "Well," continued he, "I'll tell you how it was. Jonas 
 was always a pleasant fellow (Kitty's eyes made response
 
 48 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 to that) , and so he was elected captain of the company with 
 which he started. He went through several skirmishes and 
 one or two battles ; so that, as he told me, he became quite 
 accustomed to thinking, and thinking quickly, amid the 
 falling shot and shells." 
 
 "That's the true soldier's quality," interrupted the colonel. 
 
 "Well," continued Charley, somewhat astonished at his 
 powers of invention, " at the battle of Antietam, the colonel 
 of Jonas' regiment left him with two companies on the 
 right flank of his division. Well, there was a battery 
 belonging to the enemy, which was placed almost directly 
 opposite his position, and which was making sad havoc in 
 the centre of the army. The general asked what regiment 
 held the right flank. 
 
 r '' The Sixty-sixth,' replied an aide. 
 
 "'Then,' said the general, 'tell the commanding officer 
 of the Sixty-sixth to silence that battery.' 
 
 "The aide rushed up and crying out, 'Sixty-sixth, silence 
 that battery,' galloped away. 
 
 " Of course, the general, when he gave that order, did not 
 know that only two companies of the Sixty-sixth held that 
 position; but," continued Charley, wondering what the 
 mischief a military man would do under such circumstances, 
 " what could Jonas do ? " 
 
 "Obey orders," said the colonel, sternly. 
 
 "Precisely," said Charley, very much relieved by the 
 suggestion. " That is exactly what Jonas did. ' Boys,' said 
 he, the 'general has given us a tough job in ordering us to 
 silence that battery, but we can do it, and now forward.' "
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 49 
 
 "Good," said the colonel, quite worked up. "That's the 
 way, short and sweet." 
 
 "The" two companies," continued Charley, "advanced 
 against that battery, left a large number of the men on the 
 field, drove the enemy from the battery, and, as they were 
 not numerous enough to hold the position, they they " 
 
 " Spiked the guns," cried the colonel. 
 
 "Yes," replied Charley, "spiked the guns." 
 
 " That was grand," said the colonel. " Eh, Kitty ? " 
 
 "It was heroic," replied Kitty. 
 
 " A noble act," added Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " And the result? " asked the colonel. 
 
 " Then," said Charley, becoming somewhat interested in 
 his own narrative, "his conduct was reported at head-quar- 
 ters, and, as at that time they were organizing some colored 
 regiments, they put him in command of one of these regi- 
 ments, and gave him his colonelcy." 
 
 "I'm very glad I've met him," said the colonel ; "I'll talk 
 with him about that adventure." 
 
 "O my dear colonel," cried Charley, w not for worlds. 
 What I have told you is to be kept in the strictest confi- 
 dence. Xone of you must mention the matter, for, if he 
 should discover that I had told that story he would never 
 speak to me again." 
 
 "But " said the colonel. 
 
 "No," interrupted Charley, "no buts j you must all prom- 
 ise not to speak to him about that." 
 
 So they all promised to keep the story to themselves. 
 
 Just then Jonas approached. It was astonishing how
 
 50 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 great a respect Charley's auditors had developed for Jonas. 
 The colonel was as social as ever he had been, Miss Kitty 
 allowed her eyes to rest upon Jonas with an expression that 
 could not be mistaken, and even Mrs. Becky looked at him 
 admiringly.' 
 
 "I came," said Jonas, "to ask you all to come out on the 
 piazza ; the mountain-top gleams magnificently in the 
 moonbeams." 
 
 As Jonas walked away with Miss Kitty on one side of 
 him and Mrs. Becky on the other, Charley thought : 
 
 " What a fool I've been ! I've woven a cord to hang my- 
 self with, dug a pit to bury myself in. Even my wife admires 
 him for the heroic deed I've made him do. Thank Heaven, 
 however, if she should admire him too much, I can tell her 
 the truth, can explain to her how history is written." 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 
 
 AT THE MOUNTAINS. 
 
 Oun party had reached their destination. There is a sort 
 of feeling of relief when you reach the spot at which you 
 aimed, which is akin, though not exactly like, the feeling 
 which the traveller experiences when he sits down at home. 
 Our party had reached as it were their temporary home, and 
 they now had time to think and be at ease. It was the mid-
 
 THE MAX WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 51 
 
 die of July, and yet, as night closed in, so cool was the 
 atmosphere that a fire in the immense stove in the office 
 became a necessity. It was the night of all nights for a 
 dance. 
 
 So the manager of the establishment seemed to tKink, for 
 he roused up the band and set them to playing lively galops 
 or stately quadrilles. Mr. and Mrs. Hastrom had not been 
 married long enough to eschew the pleasures of the dance, 
 and Miss Kitty was a devotee of Terpsichore. Jonas did 
 not in the least object to that, so long as she danced with 
 him, but Charley Hastrom and Mr. Brown both had male 
 friends at the hotel. Now it was not to be supposed that a 
 dancing man would fail to get an introduction to Miss Kitty, 
 if he happened to know one of her acquaintances. Anyhow 
 the gentlemen were soon swarming around her, and she 
 whirled in the " mazes of the giddy " with many of them. 
 
 To say that Jonas did not like that would be to put it 
 mildly. Just exactly what his feelings were he hardly knew 
 himself. He had been the sole escort of Miss Kitty for so 
 long a time, that he somehow felt that the new comers were 
 trespassing on his proprietorship or something, exactly what 
 he hardly knew. Of course he admitted to himself he knew 
 that such a thing must happen whenever she appeared in 
 society, for somehow men have a way of forcing an acquaint- 
 ance with a beautiful girl in one way or another. He sighed 
 for Centre Harbor, and wished that she might dance aud stroll 
 with him alone as she had on the preceding evening. That 
 could not be, however, and so he went over to Mrs. Hastrom 
 and danced with her.
 
 52 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Just what his feelings towards Miss Withers were he could 
 hardly determine. That he liked her amazingly was beyond 
 all question ; that he desired to be with her and to monopo- 
 lize her attentions was also beyond all question ; but whether 
 that was a permanent feeling he was unable to say. Of 
 course he readily admitted that it would not do to attempt 
 to monopolize her now, and so, when he had finished his 
 dance with Mrs. Hastrom, he resolved to sit where he could 
 watch Miss Kitty without her knowledge. 
 
 At that moment she was dancing in a quadrille ; her cava- 
 lier was attentive, but she seemed distraite; the smile 
 which came to her face was evidently forced there out of 
 respect to the gentleman ; she went through the dance 
 somewhat mechanically. All this Jonas saw, or at least 
 thought he saw, and another thing he thought he saw, that, 
 when her cavalier escorted her to a seat, she looked at Jonas 
 wistfully, as if she wished that he would relieve her. Inter- 
 preting her glance in that way, Jonas approached her, and, 
 watching her carefully, he thought that he detected a smile 
 of welcome creep over her face as he drew near. 
 
 " Will you promenade, Miss Withers?" asked he. 
 
 "With pleasure," replied she, rising and bowing to her 
 late partner. 
 
 They moved slowly through the parlor and out into the 
 hail. Kitty's face had resumed its usual smile, and her eyes 
 sparkled with merriment. 
 
 "Is that the way you desert old friends ? " asked she. 
 
 " Desert them? " asked he.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 53 
 
 " Yes," replied Kitty, " dance once with them, and then 
 leave them for the rest of the evening." 
 
 " But there are other gentlemen who desire to dance with 
 you, and so I cannot monopolize your society." 
 
 " No ; but once in an evening is not monopolizing." 
 
 Jonas looked down into her face until her eyes fell. 
 
 "Well," said he, "let's promenade all the way to the other 
 end of the hall, and then, when we come back, I'll show you 
 the mysteries of the stove." 
 
 "Of the stove?" interrupted she. 
 
 " Of course. Isn't a big fire in July a curiosity? " 
 
 "To be sure," replied she, gayly, " and what then?" 
 
 "Then I'll let you look out of the window at the stars." 
 
 " Oh, what a particular favor ! " exclaimed she in burlesque 
 enthusiasm, " and then? " 
 
 " And then I'll let you look at your own name in the 
 register." 
 
 " How very kind ! and then ? " 
 
 "And then, if you'll let me, I'll take you back to the 
 parlor and dance a waltz with you, before I surrender you 
 to the surrounding heathen." 
 
 " Agreed, and now let the curtain go up and the perform- 
 ance begin." 
 
 Before they had reached the office on their return through 
 the hall, Charley and his wife met them, and they walked 
 ulorig together. 
 
 " Arent you coming into the parlor?" asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "Well," said Miss Kitty, "Colonel Smith has promised to 
 explain to me the mystery of the stove."
 
 54 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 " The mystery of the stove ? " said Charley. 
 
 " Precisely," said Miss Kitty. 
 
 " My dear," said Charley to his wife, as he stood before 
 the party and halted them all, "you are now a married 
 woman." 
 
 /f I am well aware of that," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "That's only the preamble," said Charley. "In the 
 course of your married life there is nothing which you will 
 need to understand so much as stoves. Here's a lecture 
 which is about to be wasted on Miss Withers, concerning the 
 mystery of stoves. Beg her on your bended knees to allow 
 you to attend." 
 
 Jonas and Kitty laughed heartily. 
 
 "You can all attend," said Kitty, "though I don't believe 
 you will get much information." 
 
 Charley's countenance fell when Jonas informed him that 
 all he intended to show them was the sight of people hug- 
 ging a stove in the middle of July. 
 
 " Well, I never," said Charley. " Mrs. Hastrom," added 
 he, " Colonel Smith is a humbug on stoves." 
 
 Colonel Withers appeared at this juncture, and suggested 
 to Kitty that it was late. 
 
 "But, papa," said she, "I have promised Colonel Smith a 
 waltz." 
 
 " Well," said the colonel, " only one." 
 
 So they went back to the parlor and danced the waltz.
 
 TUB MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 55 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 MOUNT WASHINGTON. 
 
 As everybody has visited Mount Washington, it would be 
 a work of supererogation on my part to describe that famous 
 natural curiosity, and I therefore refrain from entering into 
 any details in regard to it. 
 
 Jonas and Charley had always been devotees of the art of 
 walking, and Mount Washington, with its broad carriage- 
 road, was too tempting a field for them to neglect it ; so, on 
 the following morning, Jonas tempted Charley to undertake 
 the feat. 
 
 "But let's see what Becky says," added Charley. 
 
 So they hunted up Mrs. Becky, and that little lady not 
 only approved of the proceeding, but insisted upon accom- 
 panying them. 
 
 "But, Mrs. Hastrom," urged Jonas, "you will not be able 
 to stand the exertion." 
 
 " Oh, you don't know what a great walker I am," replied 
 she. 
 
 "That's so, Jonas," added Charley. " She's no end of a 
 walker. I think the walk is just within her powers. It 
 will lay her up for a week," added he, softo voce, ''but 
 that's her business, not ours."
 
 56 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Forth Jonas and Charley and Mrs. Becky started ; on the 
 piazza they found Colonel Withers and Miss Kitty. 
 
 " Whither away ? " inquired Kitty. 
 
 " We are going up the mountain," replied Jonas. 
 
 "And you never asked me," said she. 
 
 " But, Miss Withers, we are going to walk up, and that is 
 no child's play." 
 
 "Still Mrs. Hastrom goes." 
 
 "Oh, Charley promises that his wife will do it with ease." 
 
 "But I am a good walker, too." 
 
 " Then, if you will go, we shall be delighted to have you 
 accompany us." 
 
 " I'll ask papa." 
 
 So she informed Colonel Withers that she desired to walk 
 up the mountain. 
 
 "Yes, but I don't," replied he ; "I prefer to ride." 
 
 "But I am going with Mrs. Hastrom." 
 
 " Oh, that alters the case. You can go, of course, if you 
 wish." 
 
 " Wait," cried she to the party, " till I get my wraps." 
 
 "Take only a light shawl, Kitty," said Colonel Withers. 
 "When on the march one should not carry too much 
 
 So a merry party of four started for the top of Mount 
 Washington. They had gone but a short distance beyond 
 the toll-gate, when Charley cried out : 
 
 " Halt ! " 
 
 Everybody stopped, and three of the party looked at the 
 fourth in astonishment.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 57 
 
 "Now for the plan of the campaign," said Charley. 
 
 " Plan of the campaign ? " inquired Kitty. 
 
 " Exactly," replied Charley; "that's the way your father 
 and Colonel Smith would put it." 
 
 " Don't let's have any plan," suggested Mrs. Becky. " It's 
 jollier to go without one." 
 
 " So I think," added Kitty. 
 
 " Who ever heard of a successful campaign," said Charley, 
 " when there wasn't a plan ? " 
 
 "Come," interposed Jonas, "let Charley develop his plan, 
 and if we don't like it, why, as there are three of us, 
 we'll bind him hand and foot, and leave him here till our 
 return." 
 
 "Agreed," cried Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " The wife of my bosom ! " ejaculated Charley, with such 
 a doleful expression of countenance that everybody else 
 laughed heartily. 
 
 " Well, Mr. Hastrom," urged Kitty, " please exhibit that 
 plan." 
 
 "Then," said Charley, "I want it to be understood that 
 this is a mutual assistance campaign." 
 
 "To be sure it is," assented Kitty. 
 
 " I make no resistance to that," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 w Exactly," said Charley ; " the men assist each other, and 
 the ladies do likewise. So that, madame," turning to Mrs. 
 Becky, " if you grow weak, Miss Withers will be compelled 
 to carry you." 
 
 "All right, Charley," said Mrs. Becky, "and now come 
 along, and by the way give me your arm."
 
 58 THE MAX WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Everybody laughed at this conclusion of Charley's plan, 
 even Charley joining in. The result, however, was, that 
 Cnarley and his wife walked together, and Jonas and Miss 
 Kitty were left to the society of each other. 
 
 The road runs for a long time almost entirely through the 
 woods ; only occasionally could views be obtained, and the 
 day was uncommonly warm ; so that it is not strange that 
 Mrs. Becky became exhausted before the party reached the 
 "half-way house. In fact by the time they reached that 
 structure Charley, notwithstanding his plan of the campaign, 
 was almost carrying his wife. On consultation they re- 
 solved to halt there. As they sat there, looking at each 
 other somewhat dolefully, a stage, which was going up the 
 mountains, arrived there. As there happened to be four 
 vacant seats in it, the four great walkers were glad to hide 
 themselves within its shelter. 
 
 When they reached the top, Charley insisted that their 
 first duty was to look after the inner man. 
 
 " And inner woman," added Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " That's a corollary," said Charley, " for no woman was 
 ever known to starve to death, while victuals were in her 
 neighborhood." 
 
 " Was a man ? " inquired Kitty, laughing. 
 
 f ' I can imagine a man honest enough to starve to death 
 while in the midst of food belonging to others." 
 
 " Wonderful man ! " ejaculated Kitty. 
 
 "And his name isn't Charley Hastrom," added Jonas. 
 " So, Charley, lead the way to the dining-room." 
 
 After dinner they scrambled around among the rocks, and
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 59 
 
 examined the magnificent views spread out before them. 
 Kitty and Jonas sat down and gazed silently upon the scene 
 nature had tinted in glowing ' colors. Charley and Mrs. 
 Becky, however, kept moving from one spot to another, a 
 momentary glance at each view apparently satisfying them. 
 
 "Miss Withers," said Jonas, " it was a fortunate thing for 
 me that I met you in Boston. I have had a very pleasant 
 trip in your company." 
 
 "Yes," replied Kitty, half musing; "it's like those 
 streams yonder. See, they come from the east and west, 
 and then they approach each other and run side by side." 
 
 "But they separate again." 
 
 " To meet once more in the great ocean," added Kitty. 
 
 "New York?" suggested Jonas. 
 
 Kitty merely bowed her head. 
 
 "Hollo, Jonas," cried Charley, who was standing on a 
 rock quite near to them, " stop spooning there, and come 
 over and see the locomotive." 
 
 Jonas offered Kitty his hand to assist her in climbing 
 over the rocks, and they went over to the depot. 
 
 They watched the locomotive as it slowly ascended the 
 steep incline, and just before it had reached the top Charley 
 suggested that it would be a brilliant idea for them to 
 secure their seats in the coach before the incoming pas- 
 sengers had had an opportunity to occupy them. His 
 advice seemed good, and so they followed it. On the way 
 down they witnessed one of the strangest phenomena of the 
 mountain. While they had watched the locomotive the 
 clouds had gathered, and, almost immediately after they had
 
 60 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 started on their homeward trip, they had the pleasure of 
 witnessing a thunder-shower, which was all below them. 
 Before they reached the Glen, however, the shower had 
 ceased ; and when they rolled up to the hotel the sun was 
 shining brightly. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 BEEAKING UP. 
 
 WHEN our pedestrians reached the hotel they stood near 
 the desk for a few moments. 
 
 "Are you not Colonel Smith?" asked the clerk of Jonas. 
 
 Now, Jonas, for some years, had been accustomed to 
 answer to that name quite readily; but, on the present 
 occasion, feeling that Kitty's eyes were on him, he blushed 
 slightly as he replied that he was. 
 
 "Then," said the clerk," I have a telegram for you." 
 
 Jonas glanced over it ; and, as he read it, so strong an 
 expression of pain passed over his face that Kitty noticed it. 
 
 "Surely," asked she, "it is nothing unpleasant?" 
 
 " Only a summons to New York," replied he, as he crushed 
 it in his hand. 
 
 " Oh, I am so sorry." 
 
 Jonas' face quite lit up as he replied : 
 
 "And so am I." 
 
 w Must you go at once ? r>
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 61 
 
 " To-morrow morning ; but that will not prevent me from 
 waltzing with you to-night, if you will let me." 
 
 " Oh, that is a matter of course. The departing friend 
 should always be favored." 
 
 When Colonel Withers was informed of the intended 
 departure of Jonas he expressed his regrets in polite 
 terms. 
 
 "But, sir," said he, "if there is one thing which I admire 
 above all things, it is a devotion to duty in young men. 
 Ah, colonel, the army is the real school." 
 
 Jonas admitted that it was. 
 
 "To tell you the truth," continued the colonel, "I wish I 
 was going to New York myself. I don't find much pleasure 
 in this tramping around the country." 
 
 Charley Hastrom was almost inconsolable when Jonas 
 informed him that he should depart on the morrow." 
 
 "But, my dear fellow," expostulated he, "you mustn't, 
 you really mustn't. What am I to do with Becky?" 
 
 " Do with Becky ? " inquired Jonas. 
 
 " Of course. You see I've had no experience in the 
 married line." 
 
 "Nor have I," suggested Jonas. 
 
 "No, but two nincompoops are always better than one. 
 Now, if I had been married three or four times before, I 
 should know what to do with a wife under the trying 
 circumstances of a wedding-tour ; but, as it is, when I am 
 left alone as it were in this great barn of a hotel, I shall not 
 know what to do with her." 
 
 "Charley," said Jonas, "don't worry about that. She's
 
 62 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 a woman, and she'll take care that you look after her 
 amusement." 
 
 " I hadn't thought of that," said Charley. 
 
 "Besides," continued Jonas, "I leave you Miss Withers 
 and her father." 
 
 " That's all very well," said Charley ; " but in two days we 
 leave for Canada, and I had intended to take you with us." 
 
 "Poor benedict ! " exclaimed Jonas, laughingly. 
 
 It is to be feared that Jonas did not remember on that 
 evening that it was only one waltz that he had bargained 
 for. It must be admitted, however, that the temptation was 
 strong. A beautiful girl, whom you may be leaving for- 
 ever and whom you are certainly parting from for the time 
 being, is very loadstoneish, and you are liable to run your 
 waltz into a galop, and a quadrille, and another waltz and 
 galop, and so on ad infinitum, if an evening would only last 
 forever. Jonas took his last promenade up and down the 
 hall by Miss Kitty's side, and wished that the hall was miles 
 long. Finally the dread hour of parting came ; he escorted 
 Miss Kitty to her room-door, the colonel following behind 
 with Mr. and Mrs. Hastrom. 
 
 "I have had some very pleasant hours with you, Miss 
 Withers," said Jonas. 
 
 "Ah, but Colonel Smith," said she, "remember how much 
 papa and I owe you." 
 
 " And I am very sorry to part with you." 
 
 " Till we meet again,'' said she, gayly. 
 
 "I hope so." 
 
 "Have you said good-by to papa?" asked she.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 63 
 
 "No," replied he. "I shall do so in the morning. And 
 you ? " 
 
 "Oh," replied she, "I'll say good-by in the morning, if 
 you will let me." 
 
 His face apparently showed whether he would let her or not. 
 
 By this time they had reached Kitty's room. She held 
 her hand out to Jonas, let it rest for a moment in his as she 
 said : 
 
 "Good-night, but not good-by." 
 
 Then she flitted into her room. 
 
 Jonas went to his room, but not to sleep. He lit a cigar, 
 sat down in an easy-chair, planted his feet on the window- 
 sill, and gazed into vacancy. As he sat there he was ready 
 to rise up and curse business. Of course he admitted that 
 business must be attended to, but still he wished that the 
 man who invented business had been strangled in his child- 
 hood. Why couldn't his client have selected some other 
 time to get into difficulties? There he was, just becoming 
 acquainted with a charming girl, the most charming he had 
 ever met, and then this infernal business had the presump- 
 tion to step in and interfere. However, as he became a 
 little calm under the influence of his cigar, he was compelled 
 to admit that after all perhaps the interruption was a good 
 thing ; just where he was drifting he didn't know. That 
 he admired Miss Kitty immensely was beyond all question, 
 but was he prepared to fall in love with her ; was he already 
 in love with her ? Pshaw ! How did he know ? He never 
 was good at conundrums, and so he threw away his cigar 
 and bundled into bed.
 
 G4 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 In the morning all our friends were on hand to see Jonas 
 off. Miss Kitty had rather a solemn face when she said 
 good-by ; the colonel, on the other hand, was quite cheerful, 
 shook Jonas heartily by the hand, and hoped that Jonas 
 would drop in on him when he returned to the city, which 
 Jonas assured him he would do. Mrs. Hastrom bore up 
 quite well under the affliction of losing the company of Mr. 
 Jonas Smith, but Charley was very mournful, so mournful 
 in fact that, while sitting at the feet of Mrs. Hastrom, he, in 
 a fit of absence of mind, took off that lady's slipper, and 
 threw it after Jonas as the stage rolled away. 
 
 " Well," exclaimed Mrs. Hastrom ; " that's delightful." 
 
 " That's for good luck, my dear," explained Charley. 
 
 "But my shoe has dropped in a puddle." 
 
 "Oh, well, water's cheap, my dear," added he, as he went 
 after the slipper. 
 
 It was quite as lively at the hotel after the departure of 
 Jonas as it had been before, but the party seemed broken 
 up. Miss Kitty could, if she had wished, have danced 
 innumerable dances on every evening, but apparently she 
 did not wish to do so, for she spent the greater part of the 
 evenings walking up and down the halls with her father. 
 Two days after the departure of Jonas, Charley and his wife 
 started for Canada, and then the place became unbearably 
 tiresome to Kitty ; so that, on the day after the departure 
 of the Hastroms, Kitty suggested to her father that she was 
 tired of the place. So was the colonel, and so the only 
 question remaining was where should they go. Kitty rather 
 timidly suggested home, but the colonel jumped at that
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 65 
 
 proposition so eagerly that Kitty rushed off at once to pack 
 up. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 KITTY'S HOME. 
 
 I HAVE spoken well of Boston, and, now that we have 
 reached New York, let me sing its praises ; that is, I want 
 you to imagine that I have said everything in its favor that 
 can be said about a city. It is a charming place, and is sur- 
 rounded by charming suburbs. - There is no more delightful 
 spot for a residence, in New York or elsewhere, than the 
 long tongue of land which stretches from Manhattanville to 
 King's bridge, along the east bank of the Hudson river. 
 There are quite enough of the elements of country life, trees 
 and fields and green meadows, to make the place rom'antic, 
 and just enough of the conveniences of city life to save one 
 from the thousand-and-one little annoyances which accompany 
 a residence in the rural districts. Your villa is built on the 
 crown of a hill or on its gentle slope, and from its windows 
 you can view the noblest of our rivers and the thousands of 
 vessels that float lazily on, or steam hastily through its 
 bosom, or you can raise your eyes, and gaze in wonder at 
 the majestic palisades, which rear their crests directly 
 opposite.
 
 G6 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Colonel Withers had selected a house which was located 
 quite near to the water's edge. It was built in Gothic style, 
 and yet, on the side facing the river, it had an immense bay- 
 window, from which one could observe the stream in both 
 directions. There were a half-dozen neighbors within a 
 stone's throw on all sides except one ; but their gardens were 
 allowed to run into each other, without any unsightly fences 
 to mark the boundary lines, thus forming a sort of park, 
 which could be used at will by all the residents. The colonel 
 was a man of wealth, and Kitty a girl of taste, so that the 
 inside of the house was quite as sightly as the exterior. The 
 room with the great bay-window had been selected by Kitty 
 as her sitting-room; here she passed her leisure hours, and 
 here she received her favored visitors. The floor was covered 
 with a bright, cheerful carpet, the walls were aclorned with 
 choice pictures, and luxury of luxuries ! every chair in 
 the room was an easy-chair. Instead of a stove or heater 
 the fireplace was adorned with one of those low grates, in 
 which the blazing cannel coal in the winter made the room 
 doubly cheerful. 
 
 The colonel and his daughter had been at home two 
 weeks. They were sitting in Kitty's room, the colonel 
 examining the evening paper, while Kitty was thoughtlessly 
 dog-earing a novel, which lay in her lap ; evidently she was 
 day-dreaming. Finally, the colonel laid his paper down 
 quietly, and watched his daughter for a few moments. He 
 shook his head gravely, and then opened the conversation. 
 
 " Kitty," said the colonel. 
 
 "Eh, papa?" said she, waking out of her dreams.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 67 
 
 " Kitty," continued the colonel, "am I not a kind father?" 
 
 " O papa," cried she, jumping up, going to him and plac- 
 ing her arm over his shoulder, " you are the best, the kindest 
 of fathers." 
 
 "Then," said he, placing her on his knee, "how is it that 
 my Kitty is so low-spirited, and does not tell her father the 
 reason ? " 
 
 " But I am not low-spirited, papa." 
 
 " Don't I see it, Kitty ? Didn't you formerly laugh and sing, 
 and romp about the house, and are you not now as demure 
 as a wearied kitten? Something is the matter, I'm sure, 
 and we'll call in the doctor." 
 
 "Oh, no, papa ! I'm not ill." 
 
 "What is it, then, Kitty?" 
 
 " It's it's I suppose it's the sudden change from the 
 busy life we led, while travelling." 
 
 " Then we'll go travelling again." 
 
 " Oh, no, papa," cried Kitty ; " I'll be all right again in a 
 day or two." 
 
 "Well, well, we'll see," said the colonel. "By the way, 
 Kitty," continued he, "isn't it queer that our friend, Colonel 
 Smith, has not yet called on us?" 
 
 The colonel was watching Kitty, but she was not aware of 
 that fact, and so her face assumed quite a mournful expression 
 as she answered : 
 
 " I suppose he has forgotten us." 
 
 "Yet," mused the colonel, "I invited him to call on us, 
 cordially too, and he accepted eagerly enough, I thought. 
 Didn't he, Kitty?"
 
 68 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 w I believe so," replied she, sighing slightly. 
 
 " Well, then, to-morrow, I'll drop in at his office, and find 
 out why he hasn't called on me." 
 
 Kitty's eyes flashed eagerly for a moment, a bright blush 
 dyed her cheek ; but then she threw up her head proudly and 
 suggested : 
 
 "I think, papa, that if he had wanted to come he could 
 have come on your invitation, and it is hardly necessary for 
 you to trouble yourself to invite him again." 
 
 "There's something in that," said the colonel. "Never- 
 theless I'll call on him to-morrow, and now Kitty go to the 
 piano and sing something for me." 
 
 Just as the colonel had finished that remark a servant 
 entered the room, and handed the colonel a card. The 
 colonel took it and read aloud, "Jonas Smith." 
 
 Kitty stood still, leaning against the piano ; her eyes 
 brightened, and then she half started forward as if she 
 would have liked to have taken that card, and well, read 
 it herself. 
 
 " Show Colonel Smith in," said Colonel Withers. 
 
 "Here, papa?" inquired Kitty. 
 
 "Yes. Why not? " asked the colonel. 
 
 "Oh, I don't know," replied Kitty, brightening up rapidly. 
 
 Jonas entered ; the colonel received him courteously, but 
 Kitty was quite distant and dignified in her manner. Jonas, 
 who remembered her freedom and kindness at the moun- 
 tains, was decidedly taken aback. Colonel Withers, how- 
 ever, was cheerful, and chatted with Jonas about the news of 
 the day.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 69 
 
 "How long have you been at home?" finally inquired 
 Jonas of Kitty. 
 
 "Two weeks," replied she, looking at him reproachfully. 
 
 " And all that time I have been in Chicago," said he. 
 
 "Been where?" inquired she. 
 
 "You know," continued he, "I received a message at the 
 Glen, calling me home." 
 
 " Why, yes, I recollect that." 
 
 " Well, as soon as I reached New York I was compelled 
 to leave for Chicago." 
 
 "And you have been there ever since?" asked the 
 colonel. 
 
 "Ever since." 
 
 " And when did you return ? " asked Kitty. 
 
 " This very day," replied Jonas. 
 
 Kitty immediately laid aside her dignity and assumed her 
 old, cheerful manner ; Jonas began to feel more at his ease ; 
 even the colonel saw that Kitty was recovering her former 
 spirits. 
 
 "And now, Kitty," said the colonel, "give me that song 
 we were talking about." 
 
 "By all means," said Jonas. 
 
 So Jonas and Kitty went to the piano, and Kitty sang her 
 father's favorite song in her low, sweet voice. Then Jonas 
 and Kitty sang duets and solos, until the colonel commenced 
 to snore gently. The bay-window was very inviting, so they 
 sat there looking out at the moonlit river, and chatting gayly 
 about the incidents of their summer trip even laughing mer- 
 rily about their attempt to ascend Mount Washington on foot.
 
 70 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 " And Mrs. Hastrom," asked Jonas, " have you forgotten 
 her ladyship ? " 
 
 "Oh, dear ,no," replied Kitty, "nor Mr. Hastrom either. 
 He and she are much too amusing to allow one to forget 
 either of them." 
 
 "Have you called on them? " asked he. 
 
 "No ; but Mrs. Hastrom has called on me since my return, 
 and I propose to call on her to-morrow." 
 
 " Then, Miss Kitty I may say Miss Kitty, mayn't I? " 
 
 " Oh, of course, if you wish." 
 
 "Then, Miss Kitty," continued Jonas, "I wish you would 
 let me drive you down to-morrow, and bring you back in 
 the evening. It will be moonlight till midnight, you 
 know." 
 
 " I should like that very much," said Kitty, " if papa does 
 not object." 
 
 Colonel Withers awoke, and Jonas prepared to depart. 
 The colonel saw no objection to the proposed visit, and 
 Jonas went away. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 ME. AND MRS. HASTROM AT HOME. 
 
 JONAS did not hurry himself when he went to Colonel 
 Withers' house on the following day ; in fact he dallied on 
 the way, for he had arranged with Charley Hastrom to man-
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 71 
 
 age things, so as to reach Charley's house at dinner-time. 
 You sec Jonas had made up his mind to ride home with Miss 
 Kitty by moonlight. It was therefore late in the afternoon 
 when Jonas and Kitty started on their journey. The drive 
 was delightful. The Bloomingdale road is (or rather was, 
 for the march of improvement, as they call it, is levelling and 
 straightening and curbing and guttering it) one of the most 
 charming roads in existence. 
 
 Charley Hastrom had located his household gods in a 
 modest brick house in Thirtieth street, near enough, as he 
 said, to down town to enable a fellow to walk home when he 
 got tired of holding on to car-straps . Jonas and Kitty arrived 
 there in due time, and were heartily welcomed by Charley 
 and his wife. 
 
 " What a lucky thing," said Charley, for all the world, as 
 if he had not arranged it beforehand with Jonas, "that you 
 dropped in at dinner-time ! " 
 
 "Yes," said Jonas; "and Miss Withers is fearfully 
 hungry." 
 
 "Well, the truth is," said Charley, pretending that he did 
 not see Mrs. Hastrom, who was entering the door, "it's din- 
 ner time, but, bless you ! there's no certainty about there 
 being any dinner. We make a practice, however, of sitting 
 down to the table, merely to keep the plates in countenance ; 
 you see, Becky isn't much of a cook." 
 
 "What's that, Charley?" cried Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Oh, you're there ! " said Charley. " Well I was remark- 
 ing that you are an exquisite cook." 
 
 " How my ears must have deceived me ! " exclaimed Mrs.
 
 72 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Becky. ''But come, Kitty," added she, "I've just time 
 before dinner to show you the house." 
 
 So Becky and Mrs. Kitty retired to the upper regions, 
 leaving Jonas with Charley. 
 
 "Well, Charley," asked Jonas, "how does married life 
 agree with you?" 
 
 " That's what I'm trying to find out," answered Charley. 
 "You see I've been deprived of all my old luxuries." 
 
 " Old luxuries ?'" ejaculated Jonas. 
 
 "Of course," replied Charley. 
 
 " Could you conveniently explain ? " asked Jonas. 
 
 " To be sure. You see, I'm not allowed even to sew on 
 a button." 
 
 "What cruelty!" 
 
 "If I tear my coat or unmentionables, bless your soul, 
 before I can hunt up a needle, Becky has the rip quite 
 under control." 
 
 " Can it be possible ? " 
 
 "To be sure; and thus you see I am deprived of the 
 opportunity of ventilating the choice collection of swears, 
 which I was accustomed to use whenever I stuck a needle 
 in my finger." 
 
 " That is a real injury." 
 
 "Not a doubt of that. And, last and worst, I am not 
 allowed to smoke in the parlor." 
 
 "That is reaUy shameful." 
 
 "Oh, matrimony has its bad points, I can assure you." 
 
 That was too much for Mrs. Becky and Kitty, who were 
 standing in the door-way, and so they exploded into a laugh.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 73 
 
 "We'll finish that discussion at the table, if you please, 
 Charley," said Mrs. Becky, " and go to dinner." 
 
 The dinner-table somewhat belied Charley's statements; 
 and I would here describe it for your benefit, only it is not 
 given to every one to be able to tell a story and write a 
 cook-book, too. That particular sort of ability is inherent 
 only in a Dumas. Certain it is that they had a very merry 
 time over their dinner, and Charley did not act at all as if 
 his chief duty at the table had been to keep the plates in 
 countenance. 
 
 After dinner Charley planted himself in an easy-chair, 
 and thus relieved his mind : 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen, gentleman, I mean, as there is 
 only one of you." 
 
 "For mercy's sake, Charley," exclaimed Mrs. Hastrom, 
 "don't afflict us with a speech." 
 
 "My dear," said Charley, calmly, "you should not inter- 
 rupt me. When a woman possesses a husband who can 
 make a speech on the slightest provocation, she ought to 
 give him the provocation." 
 
 " Oh, let him finish it," said Jonas. 
 
 "Yes," said Kitty, "I have always admired eloquence, 
 and I'm sure that Mr. Hastrorn is about to say something 
 very eloquent." 
 
 "Please consider that I have bowed to you, Miss 
 Withers," said Charley ; "and now to continue. We have 
 been married such a short time that I really think that, on 
 this occasion, I can look upon myself as the host. How it 
 will be a year from now, Heaven only knows."
 
 74 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Oh, I'll try to accommodate you before that time, and 
 suppress you sufficiently," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " No doubt," said Charley. " Well, it falls on the host to 
 suggest means of entertainment." 
 
 "If he can," said Jonas. 
 
 "Of course," said Charley ; " and now let me sketch the 
 plan of the campaign." 
 
 " As well as you did the Mount Washington one ? " asked 
 Kitty. 
 
 " That was brilliant enough in suggestion," said Charley, 
 " but, unfortunately, the weaker vessels gave out." 
 
 Mrs. Becky and Kitty laughed heartily at the recollection 
 of the Mount Washington trip. 
 
 " What I propose is this," said Charley. "The minstrel 
 halls are the only places of amusement now open. Mrs. 
 Becky is dying to visit one of them." 
 
 "Oh, of course," interrupted Mrs. Becky, "I am dying 
 for that." .'; 
 
 "Don't interrupt," said Charley. "We'll go around to 
 the minstrels for an hour or so, then we'll return here for an 
 hour, and then, at eleven, Jonas and Miss Withers shall be 
 sent on their way rejoicing." 
 
 "But, papa," suggested Kitty, "will he not be frightened 
 at my delay?" 
 
 " Pooh ! " said Charley ; "he knows that you are in good 
 hands." 
 
 Kitty's scruples were overruled, and the party went to the 
 minstrel hall, laughed till they were tired, and then returned 
 to Charley's house.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 75 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 MRS. HASTROM GROWS CONFIDENTIAL. 
 
 WHEN they had returned to Charley's house, that gentle- 
 man insisted upon getting up, as he said, a little concert on 
 their own hook ; so they sang solos, and duets, and quartets 
 ad libitum. Mrs. Hastrom was apparently thinking of nothing 
 but the performances which were going on ; in reality she 
 was watching Jonas. Presently, while Kitty was singing, she 
 placed her hand on Jonas' arm and walked down the room 
 with him. 
 
 "Colonel Smith," said she, "I should like to speak with 
 you for a moment or two." 
 
 Jonas stood still and looked at Mrs. Hastrom, wondering 
 what her solemn tone presaged. 
 
 " With me ? " asked Jonas, still looking somewhat as- 
 tonished. 
 
 w If you will let me," replied she, in a half-apologetic 
 tone. 
 
 " Certainly I will," replied Jonas. 
 
 "And you will not be offended?" asked she, rather 
 eagerly. 
 
 " Not a bit. Offended ! " continued he. " Why, you and
 
 76 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Charley are my best friends, and I would be a brute to be 
 offended at anything you can say." 
 
 "That is it ; " added she, "we are friends, but then we have 
 other friends also. Now I have become quite attached to 
 Kitty Withers. She is a dear, affectionate girl, and I really 
 cannot stand by and see her trifled with." 
 
 " Trifled with ! " ejaculated Jonas. 
 
 "Yes," replied Mrs. Becky. "You see Charley has told 
 me that you delight in flirting with any charming woman." 
 
 "Then he has misrepresented me," said Jonas. 
 
 "Do you mean that you are, you are not flirting with 
 Kitty Withers?" 
 
 "Most certainly I am not." 
 
 " Why ! " exclaimed she, " do you mean, that is, do you 
 really love her ? " 
 
 " Better than my life." 
 
 " And you mean to marry her ? " 
 
 "The minute she will let me." 
 
 " Oh, it's all right then. What a fool I've made of my- 
 self ! To tell you the truth, however, I really thought that it 
 was one of your flirtations." 
 
 "But it is not." 
 
 "And I am delighted to hear you say so." 
 
 "But now it's my turn," said Jonas, -smiling. "Tell me 
 just one thing. Does Miss Kitty love me ? " 
 
 "How do I know?" asked she, shrugging her shoulders. 
 
 " Then why did you ask me those questions ? " 
 
 "That's true," replied she, somewhat nonplussed. 
 
 "And now tell me," urged he.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 77 
 
 Just at that moment Kitty ceased playing, and turned 
 around on the piano-stool, so that her face was turned to- 
 wards the speakers, while she listened to Charlej^'s chat. 
 
 " What fools you men are ! " said Mrs. Becky, laughing. 
 
 "Undoubtedly," said Jonas ; " but that is no answer to my 
 question." 
 
 "Look yonder," said Mrs. Becky. "Charley is doing his 
 best to entertain Miss Withers, isn't he ? " 
 
 " Apparently." 
 
 " And where are her eyes looking ? " 
 
 "Over here." 
 
 " And their expression ? " 
 
 "Certainly not unfavorable." 
 
 "Well, that isn't for me, I suppose." 
 
 " Thanks," cried Jonas ; " I'll ask her this very night, 
 while I am driving her home." 
 
 "Oh, no," said Mrs. Becky, "don't do that." 
 
 "No?" 
 
 " Of course not." 
 
 "Why?" asked Jonas. 
 
 " I do not say positively that she loves you ; and, if she 
 should refuse you, think what a horrible position you would 
 both be in for the rest of the journey." 
 
 "That is so," said Jonas, quite chap-fallen. 
 
 "Besides," continued Mrs. Becky, "you have known 
 Kitty only a very short time. A woman has pride, and, 
 though won, she does not like to appear to have been too 
 easily won." 
 
 " I had not thought of that," said Jonas.
 
 78 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Of course not," added Mrs. Becky. "Men never do. 
 If you'll take my advice " 
 
 " Oh, with pleasure," interrupted Jonas. 
 
 "And follow it?" said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "That's a matter of course," replied Jonas. 
 
 "Then," said she, laughing, "I advise you, most solemnly, 
 to have patience." 
 
 It was well that their conference was at an end; for 
 Charley and Miss Kitty, wondering what their confidential 
 chat could be about, walked over to where Jonas stood. 
 
 "Look here, Jonas," said Charley, "if you are planning 
 an elopement with my wife, you might have the decency to 
 arrange the details during my absence." 
 
 "But you ought to look upon such a performance as a 
 pleasure." 
 
 " Ought I ? " asked Charley, in his most sarcastic way. 
 
 "Of course. Then, once more, you could have your 
 bachelor pleasures." 
 
 "Sew on your own buttons," suggested Kitty. 
 
 "Mend your own coats," added Jonas. 
 
 " And smoke in the parlor," suggested Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " That's the wife of my bosom," said Charley, dolefully. 
 
 " Matrimony has its bad points," suggested Mrs. Becky, 
 in a very solemn tone. 
 
 Then everybody laughed, and the conversation changed. 
 
 As eleven o'clock was at hand, Jonas and Kitty started 
 forth on their return. Jonas drove rapidly ; for, though he 
 had joined the rest of the party in overruling Kitty's ob- 
 jections, now that he was on the way to her home, he feared
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 79 
 
 that the colonel might object seriously to the late hours 
 which they had kept. Kitty, however, was in high spirits. 
 She had enjoyed her evening immensely, and she told Jonas 
 so frankly. He was strongly tempted, notwithstanding 
 Mrs. Becky's injunctions, to tell Miss Kitty his secret ; but 
 he refrained. Moonlight and solitude are fearfully tempting 
 to a lover ; but the ideas which Mrs. Becky had put into his 
 head restrained Jonas. 
 
 The colonel came out to meet them when they reached 
 Kitty's home ; but, instead of making objections, he was so 
 delighted, when he saw that Kitty had regained her spirits, 
 that he even suggested that Jonas should come in and have 
 a chat with them. Jonas, however, resisted the temptation, 
 and drove slowly homeward. 
 
 CHAPTER XVH. 
 
 f ON THE VERGE OF HAPPINESS. 
 
 JONAS took care that Miss Kitty should not forget him. 
 As the colonel invited him frankly to visit at his house, 
 why, Jonas used the invitation. Many evenings were spent 
 by him in Kitty's sitting-room ; many walks were taken by 
 Jonas and Kitty, and several visits were made by them to 
 Mrs. Hastrom, and even to other people. 
 
 When Jonas first met Kitty Withers he had merely
 
 80 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 looked upon her as a pleasant acquaintance. Thrown with 
 her constantly, during the few days they spent together, he 
 had developed a sort of admiration for her. When he was 
 called upon to leave the party at the mountains he felt a 
 sort of regret, which he could not then account for. While, 
 however, he was in Chicago, a stranger in a strange city, 
 he learned that Kitty's companionship was necessary for his 
 happiness. When he returned to New York he hastened at 
 once to bask in the sunshine of her smiles. 
 
 Jonas, then, was quite certain that he was in love with 
 Miss Kitty, deeply, irretrievably in love ; but the more he 
 saw of Kitty, the more uncertain he became as to whether 
 or not she returned his love. Love, you see, is somewhat 
 like swimming. If you spring at once into the water, you 
 find out at once what is to happen ; but, if you stand 
 trembling on the edge, you are sure to become so thor- 
 oughly demoralized that, when you do go into the water, you 
 are liable to drown. If a man who is in love proposes 
 promptly to the object of his adoration, he may be refused ; 
 but then he has saved considerable time in which to effect a 
 cure. 
 
 If Mrs. Hastrom had not interfered with Jonas, he would 
 have known his fate long before ; but her suggestions had 
 frightened him, and he forbore to ask Miss Kitty the 
 important question. Besides, now that she was in her own 
 home, circumstances were changed from what they had been 
 at the mountains. There he had monopolized her society ; 
 here he found that her other friends occupied a large part 
 of her time. He very soon found out that he was not the
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 81 
 
 only man who looked upon Miss Kitty as a very charming 
 girl. Her friends made up theatre-parties, and riding- 
 parties, and rowing-parties, and, though Jonas was gener- 
 ally invited to go with them, and often accompanied Miss 
 Kitty, still they were parties, and Jonas could by no means 
 monopolize Miss Kitty. 
 
 As we have said, Jonas began to fear that Miss Kitty did 
 not love him, and that she never would love him. Other 
 people, however, were not quite so blind. Miss Kitty was 
 a very different sort of a girl from what she had been while 
 Jonas was away. She had quite recovered her spirits, and 
 her father no longer complained of her failure to sing and 
 laugh, for she did nothing else. 
 
 "I think, Kitty," said Colonel Withers, one day, " that we 
 had better take another trip." 
 
 "Another trip?" said she, astonished. 
 
 " Yes. You're getting too noisy and high-spirited. You 
 know when you came back from the mountains you were 
 exceedingly solemn." 
 
 " Oh, no, papa," cried she ; "I don't want to go away now, 
 and I'll be more sedate, if you wish." 
 
 "Not a bit, little one," said he. "Be as merry as you 
 can ; " and he kissed her gently on her forehead. " Now run 
 and see why they don't serve up my breakfast." 
 
 "Ah," mused the colonel, as she left the room, "they 
 think that I am old, and blind, and can't see what is going 
 on. They forget that, as the Americans say, 'I've been 
 there myself.' No matter, it will come to me finally, for 
 Kitty will not marry without my consent."
 
 82 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 One evening Jonas thought that he would call upon his 
 friends, the Hastroms, and consult them, or at least Mrs. 
 Hastrom, as to whether he had better dare all at present, or 
 still wait, not patiently, but impatiently. He found Charley 
 and his wife at home, and, after the formal greetings had been 
 exchanged, he plunged at once into the middle of his subject. 
 
 "Mrs. Hastrom," said he, "some time ago you advised me 
 to have patience. Do you still so advise me ? " 
 
 "To tell you the truth, Colonel Smith," said Mrs. Becky, 
 " I dislike to interfere in such matters." 
 
 " You mean about Miss Kitty ? " asked Charley. 
 
 "Yes," replied Jonas. 
 
 " And you still want to marry her ? " 
 
 "I've told you so a dozen times." 
 
 "A dozen ! More likely an hundred. Well, my boy, as 
 my wife won't advise you, I will." 
 
 "You will?" 
 
 " Yes ; and here's the advice in short metre : ' Go in and 
 win.'" 
 
 " You think " began Jonas. 
 
 " Think ! " interrupted Charley. " I don't think anything 
 about it ; I know. Women are always won out of hand. 
 Dallying never won a woman. If she doesn't love you very 
 soon after you make her acquaintance, she never will. Look 
 at Mrs. Becky here ; she fell in love with me at first sight." 
 
 "Nonsense, Charley," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Not a bit of nonsense about it," replied Charley. " That's 
 the kind of creatures women are. They don't love a man 
 because he's rich, or distinguished, or handsome, but because
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 83 
 
 they love him. So you'd better strike in and win Miss Kitty 
 before some other fellow carries her off." 
 
 " And you think " asked Jonas. 
 
 "I think," interrupted Charley, "that, when you return 
 here, after asking the momentous question, Becky will play, 
 'See, the conquering hero comes."' 
 
 "But you, Mrs. Hastrom, what do you say?" asked Jonas. 
 "Remember I have kept quiet, in accordance with your 
 advice, and you really ought to tell me now whether I 
 should continue to keep quiet." 
 
 " Well," said Mrs. Hastrom, if I must advise you, I can 
 only repeat Charley's observation, ' Go in and wan.'" 
 
 Now Jonas had been desiring for a long time to consult the 
 Hastroms, but a man of delicate feelings does not like to 
 talk about such things, even to his most intimate friends ; 
 and, besides, he was afraid that Charley would laugh at him. 
 However, he was very glad that he had consulted them, and 
 he put vast confidence in Mrs. Hastrom's advice. On the 
 following evening Jonas met Miss Kitty at a ball. Never 
 had she seemed so dazzlingly beautiful, and most of the 
 young men present seemed to agree with him, for they abso- 
 lutely swarmed around her. To be sure Jonas danced with 
 her, but Charley's suggestion that some other fellow might 
 rush in and win her kept whirling through his brain, and 
 he resolved that at the earliest moment he would end his 
 suspense.
 
 84 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 THE PROPOSAL. 
 
 IT must be admitted, of course, that we have all of us 
 been, at some time in our existence, "pilgrims of love.' 
 That's the polite way of putting it, but, alas ! too many of us, 
 while pretending to be such, have been really marching to a 
 shrine on which was mounted a golden calf. However, even 
 those of us who really were devotees of Cupid have forgotten 
 the joyous time when we would have sold our souls for a 
 smile. That being the case, I may be pardoned, I think, for 
 dwelling to such an extent upon Jonas' love experiences, and 
 may be excused, if I paint them with a weak hand. 
 
 You see a woman differs from a man in this matter. She 
 is happy in the hope of possession ; he must possess, must 
 have the thing he desires, at the earliest possible moment. 
 A woman knows, long before a man declares his passion, that 
 he loves her; a man, with his ruder thoughts and feelings, 
 cannot appreciate the delicate thoughts, ideas, notions of a 
 woman. And, besides, a man in love is proverbially blind ; 
 so that, even after outsiders have discovered a woman's 
 fancy, the man of her choice will remain ignorant of her 
 preference.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 85 
 
 Jonas, however, had firmly resolved that, upon the first 
 opportunity, he would tell his secret to Kitty. Just what he 
 ought to say he hardly knew. Making proposals of this kind 
 was a new business to him ; he had often flirted up to that 
 point, but he had never passed it. He was well aware that 
 the heroes in novels always dropped upon their knees, and 
 used language which would adorn the complete letter- 
 writer ; but all that seemed to him to be mere claptrap. He 
 did not believe that he could tell his passion any more effect- 
 ively on his knees than in some more convenient position, 
 and he resolved that he would tell it in the simplest possible 
 manner. 
 
 One evening he found Kitty alone ; even her father was 
 out. She was in her sitting-room when he entered, sitting 
 silently in the large window, gazing rather mournfully out 
 .upon the river ; spring had come, but the scene without was 
 still bleak and cheerless. As he entered, she rose and 
 welcomed him. 
 
 "I am glad that you have called," said she, very quietly, 
 " for papa has left me alone and I feel " 
 
 " You are not ill, I hope ? " asked Jonas. 
 
 " Oh, no," said she, smiling. 
 
 "Low-spirited, then?" inquired he, as they sat in the 
 window. 
 
 "No, not low-spirited, simply musing." 
 
 " And may I ask upon what ? " 
 
 "Friendship. I have parted with a friend to-day." 
 
 "A male friend? " asked Jonas, eagerly, fearing that some
 
 86 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 other person of his own sex had dared to look with longing 
 eyes upon his goddess. 
 
 "Ah, but you are not my confessor," said she, archly. 
 
 " Would to Heaven I were ! " exclaimed he. " Kitty," con- 
 tinued he, while his blood swelled fiercely in the veins of his 
 face, "I love you better than life. Can you love me a 
 little?" 
 
 He gazed eagerly upon her, her eyes were cast down ; she 
 raised them slowly to his face, he read his answer in them, 
 seized her in his arms, and pressed burning kisses on 
 her lips. 
 
 " Then you do love me a little ? " asked he. 
 
 "Just a very little," replied she, smiling brightly. 
 
 " But you will learn to love me more ? " 
 
 "No," replied she, looking archly up into his face. 
 
 "No?" 
 
 " No. That little fills all my heart, and how can I possibly 
 love you any more ? " 
 
 "Thank you, darling," exclaimed he, as he again pressed 
 her much closer ty his bosom than was apparently at all 
 necessary. 
 
 Conversation under such circumstances is intended only for 
 those engaged in it, and how can you expect {hat I, one of 
 the most fastidious of scribes, will dare to present to you 
 any more of it ? What they found to say, what lovers usually 
 find to say, under such circumstances, is one of those mysteries 
 which no fellow can find out, unless he has been through the 
 same performance, and even then he has probably forgotten 
 all about it. The weather wont do as a subject for conver-
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 87 
 
 sation on such an important occasion, and information is so 
 limited, that it seems to me anybody can tell any other body 
 all he knows in a very short period of time. However, they 
 do say that occasional breaks for hugging and kissing enable 
 one to carry on a conversation indefinitely. Those breaks 
 are very much like the refreshment stations on the railroad 
 line ; they enable you to go on and <on forever. 
 
 Whatever our lovers may have talked about, certain it is 
 that three hours glided by unawares ; they were finally aroused, 
 however, from their dream of bliss by the noise which Colo- 
 nel Withers made when he entered the house. 
 
 "Oh," said Kitty, "there's papa. You will speak to him 
 to night, won't you, for you know I cannot marry without 
 papa's consent, and I want his approval at once ? " 
 
 " This very night," replied Jonas. 
 
 Then she ran out into the hall, kissed her father good- 
 night, and at once hastened upstairs. 
 
 " That's astonishing," muttered the colonel, as he watched 
 Kitty in her upward flight. 
 
 Then he entered the sitting-room, but the person he saw 
 there astonished him still more. Hardly had they exchanged 
 salutations, when Jonas commenced the attack. 
 
 " Can I have a few moments of your time, colonel ? " asked 
 Jonas. " I should like to speak to you about an important 
 matter. 
 
 That opened the colonel's eyes, and so he winked one of 
 them gravely. 
 
 "Certainly,"' replied the colonel; "as many moments as
 
 88 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 you please." Then, as he seated himself in his easy-chair, 
 he muttered, "Now for some strategy." 
 
 "Colonel," said Jonas, "I love your daughter. Will you 
 give her to me ? " 
 
 "D n such strategy," muttered the colonel, in an under- 
 tone. Then to Jonas he replied, " Well, that's coming to the 
 point with a vengeance." 
 
 " It's the better way, I think," answered Jonas. 
 
 "Well, sir, does the girl love you?" 
 
 "Oh, yes," replied Jonas. 
 
 "Hem ! Well, I must say that you seem quite confident 
 about that. We'll see what she has to say for herself." 
 
 Then he went to the door and called Kitty. She entered, 
 blushing vigorously and walking slowly. 
 
 " Kitty," said the colonel, "this young gentleman has the 
 presumption to tell me, right to my face, that you love him." 
 
 "But it is true, papa," replied she, quite gravely. 
 
 "Oh, it is, eh? Well, then, I don't think that there is 
 anything for me to say." 
 
 " Against it you mean, papa?" 
 
 "Why, of course, Kitty." 
 
 "And now, colonel," said he to Jonas, "if you'll say 
 good-night, I'll send Kitty to bed ; and though I don't like 
 to drive you away, still I'll take the liberty of a father-in- 
 law and tell you that it is tolerably late." 
 
 "A thousand thanks for your kindness," said Jonas, as he 
 grasped the hand which the colonel extended to him. 
 
 Undoubtedly Kitty and Jonas said good-night to their 
 satisfaction under the porch ; at least, when Kitty came into
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 89 
 
 the room, on her return, she threw her arms around her 
 father's neck and whispered in his ear : 
 " You dear, kind, good papa ! " 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 BASKING EN SUNSHINE. 
 
 WERE I to picture here the delights of courtship, after 
 acceptance, I should probably succeed in persuading all the 
 young gentlemen who do me the honor to look over these 
 pages, and who are in that delicate position described as on 
 the fence, to rush off, fling themselves at the feet of their 
 charmers, and beg the aforesaid charmers to name the day. 
 Now you really can't imagine that I desire to do anything 
 of that sort at a time like the present, when house-rent is 
 up, and incomes are down, and dresses from Worth's cost 
 their weight in gold. If you do expect anything of that 
 sort, you have mistaken your host. Whatever may be my 
 faults, inveigling young men into matrimonial speculations 
 is not one of them. 
 
 Of course I am bound to admit that Jonas and Kitty were 
 extraordinarily happy: Jonas walked on air, as its. were; 
 Kitty floated on happiness. It must be borne in mind, 
 however, that it takes very little to make an engaged couple
 
 90 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 perfectly happy. All he asks is to be allowed to sit by the 
 side of his darling, to wind his arm around her waist, to 
 look into her eyes, and to suck nectar from her lips ; all she 
 asks is to be hugged, and kissed, and to be allowed to 
 parade her lover occasionally, in order that she may show 
 the other girls the fish that has come to her net. 
 
 Were I to detail here the walks, the rides, the visits, the 
 excursions on the river, and the innumerable other things, 
 which our lovers did and took, I should simply weary you 
 or make you envious, and I therefore refrain. To them 
 everything seemed bright, and fair, and lovely. They loved 
 each other, they were engaged, and Kitty's father was per- 
 fectly satisfied. Was not the outlook charming ? and yet 
 You have seen perhaps a noble ship, sailing in from the 
 broad Atlantic, where, for days, she has been buffeted by 
 the winds and waves. Everything seems fair and bright ; 
 the waters are calm, and the winds are favorable ; she is 
 about to make her port. Suddenly a wind off shore springs 
 up ; it increases in violence, and drives the vessel for safety 
 to sea once more ; the wind rises to a hurricane, a tornado, 
 and the vessel, that was so near her port, is driven for days 
 on the broad ocean, the sport of the wind and waves.. For- 
 tunate it is for us that we cannot see into the future, not 
 even " as through a glass darkly." 
 
 Jonas called at the home of the Hastroms in order to 
 relate to them his good fortune. Mrs. Hastrom was not at 
 home, but Charley was ; so Jonas hastened upstairs to 
 Charley's sanctum, where he found that individual, seated in 
 an easy-chair, smoking a cigar, and carelessly turning over
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 91 
 
 the pages of a magazine. As Jonas entered, Charley burst 
 forth : 
 
 "There, ray dear fellow, don't! Eestrain yourself! I 
 surmise it all. You went, you saw, you conquered ! If 
 Mrs. Hastrom were at home I'd make her play " See, the con- 
 quering hero comes," for you. As she isn't, I'll whistle it, if 
 you insist upon it. Take a cigar, and a chair, and how are 
 stocks?" 
 
 "Hang stocks!" exclaimed Jonas. "I didn't come here 
 to talk about stocks." 
 
 " Of course you didn't," said Charley. " You came here 
 to tell us that you are on the verge of matrimony." 
 
 " Precisely," said Jonas. 
 
 " Well," said Charley, " Mrs. Hastrom takes charge of 
 that part of the business in this house. Unfortunately she 
 isn't in, but I'll talk stocks with you till she comes." 
 
 " You're a nice friend," said Jonas, "a precious nice friend. 
 A fellow comes here to tell you about his happiness, and to 
 permit you to congratulate him " 
 
 "You forget, Jonas," said Charley, "that I'm married." 
 
 "And expects," continued Jonas, " that you'll listen to his 
 story ; and, by Jove ! you burst out with ' How's stock ? ' " 
 
 " Of course I do. You see, Jonas, I've been all through 
 that business myself. I know all about it. I've sighed and 
 ogled, and burned, and yearned, and all that sort of thing, 
 and it's awfully stale to me, especially when it's another fel- 
 low's experience. Now I'm interested in stocks, but not a 
 bit in love." 
 
 "You're in a nice humor to-night," added Jonas.
 
 92 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 However Mrs. Hastrom came in presently, and she lis- 
 tened eagerly to Jonas' confidences. More than that she 
 suppressed Charley, whenever he attempted to interfere. 
 
 "Now, Becky," urged Charley, after Jonas had dwelt for a 
 considerable time upon the beauties of his Kitty, *' have we 
 not had almost enough of this ? Jonas is a little out of his 
 head just now, but a year of matrimony will cure him." 
 
 " Has it cured you ? " asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 ''Perfectly, '\replied Charley; "all I ask now is that you 
 shall keep buttons on my shirts, and furnish me with sub- 
 stantial meals." 
 
 " And that's the effect of matrimony !" ejaculated Jonas. 
 
 "Not a doubt of it," replied Charley. "Some day I'll 
 trade Becky off for a trotting-horse." 
 
 Becky laughed as if she was not much frightened, and Jonas 
 went away to Kitty. 
 
 "The truth is, Becky," said Charley, after Jonas had 
 departed, "you are compelled, for self-protection, to sup- 
 press these young fellows who have just started in the love 
 business, or they'll bore you to death with the beauties of 
 their charmers." 
 
 Charley's talk, however, did not in the least interfere with 
 the happiness of Jonas. Kitty was willing enough to listen 
 to the raptures of her lover, and Jonas was no wise back- 
 wards in painting brilliant pictures of the future. You see, 
 as before suggested, people have not the power of foretelling 
 what is to come, and youth seldom presages disaster to its 
 hopes. If, as he wandered by Kitty's side down some 
 pleasant lane, or floated with her idly on the bosom of the
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 93 
 
 broad Hudson, a stray thought that such perfect happiness 
 could not last forever darted through his mind, he did not 
 for a moment dream that his cup of bliss could be dashed 
 from his hand by his own act, that some little sin of 
 omission would rise up and ruin him. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 MAJOR MACKENZIE. 
 
 THE most intimate friend of Colonel Withers was a cer- 
 tain Major Mackenzie. He was a fiery little Scotchman ; he 
 had stiff red hair on his head, and bristly red hair on his 
 chin and cheeks. He was short, decidedly short ; but then 
 his carriage was everything, and any one seeing him walking 
 down the avenue would have imagined that he was at least 
 six feet in height. His temper was not of the sweetest, 
 and his language sometimes travelled outside of the limits of 
 what we call parliamentary ujage. The colonel had known 
 the major in the English army. The major, however, had 
 been settled in New York for some time, and he was making 
 a fortune in the wine business. 
 
 During the period whose events we have heretofore de- 
 tailed, the major had been in Europe, visiting, as he said, 
 the Mackenzies. Shortjy after the engagement of Jonas 
 and Kitty, however, the major returned to New York, and
 
 94 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Colonel Withers hastened to congratulate him on his arrival, 
 intending, of course, in the interview, to tell the major 
 about the proposed addition to his family in the shape of a 
 son-in-law. After the usual salutations and congratulations 
 were over, the major placed before his guest a bottle of 
 wine and a box of cigars, and they dropped into general 
 conversation. 
 
 " And how did you find the Mackenzie family ? " asked the 
 colonel. 
 
 "Flourishing," replied the major. "They'll never die 
 out. They multiply like rabbits. I brought one of them 
 with me." 
 
 " Ah ! " said the colonel. 
 
 " Yes," replied the major, " my nephew. You ought to 
 see him." 
 
 "I should like to," replied the colonel. 
 
 "And you shall," added the major. " He's a lieutenant in 
 her majesty's army, he's six feet in his stockings, and he's 
 a full-blooded Mackenzie, freckles, and red hair, and all." 
 
 "Bring him out with you to the house," said the colonel. 
 
 " That's what I mean to do," said the major. "The truth 
 is, colonel, we've been friends for many years." 
 
 " Of course we have," interrupted the colonel. 
 
 "And he's my only nephew, my nearest relation." 
 
 " That comes from your refusing to marry," suggested the 
 colonel. 
 
 " I suppose so," said the major ; " but I was thinking that 
 we might marry this nephew of mine to your daughter."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 95 
 
 "My dear major," exclaimed the colonel, "I'd be de- 
 lighted, but 
 
 " But what ? " cried the major. " Isn't a Mackenzie good 
 enough for you ? " 
 
 "Of course," replied the colonel; "but the truth is that 
 my daughter is already engaged." 
 
 " Oh I " said the major. 
 
 "Yes," replied the colonel, "and I came down to consult 
 you about that." 
 
 Thereupon the colonel detailed to the major the events 
 which have been heretofore described, and then listened 
 patiently to hear what the major had to say. 
 
 "And you say he's a military man? " asked the major. 
 
 "Yes," replied the colonel, "he's a colonel." 
 
 " Ah ! " said the major. " A colonel in her majesty's ? " 
 
 "Oh, no ; an American colonel." 
 
 "Just so," suggested the major. 
 
 "But a colonel's a colonel," urged Colonel Withers. 
 
 "That's as may be," answered the major; "but for my 
 part, I'd rather be a lieutenant in. her majesty's army than a 
 brigadier-general here. What's the gentleman's name ? " 
 
 "Smith," replied the colonel, in an irresolute tone. 
 
 " Smith ! " exclaimed the major, " Smith ! Well, it's lucky 
 that it isn't Brown." 
 
 " Why," said the colonel, " there's nothing the matter with 
 the name." 
 
 "Nothing that I know of," said the major ; "but I'd rather 
 be one Mackenzie than forty Smiths. I hope his Christian 
 name isn't John."
 
 96 THE MAN" WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "No," replied the colonel, "it's Jonas." ' 
 
 " Well," said the major, " that's an improvement, if a man 
 can see it. It's a pity, though," added he, shaking his head ; 
 " it's a pity ! " 
 
 " What's a pity? " asked the colonel. 
 
 "To throw away such a chance," replied the major. 
 
 "What chance?" inquired the colonel. 
 
 " Haven't I told you ? " exclaimed the major. " Didn't I 
 bring over my nephew specially to marry her? Mightn't 
 she have been a Mackenzie of the Mackenzies ! " 
 
 "But she might not have liked your nephew." 
 
 " Not like him ! Don't you give your daughter credit for 
 such beastly taste. Not like a Mackenzie, and he with six 
 feet of legs and body, and the regular Mackenzie hair ! 
 Don't you believe it ! What kind of a colonel is this 
 Smith?" 
 
 "That I don't know," replied the colonel; "he'll never 
 talk about military matters." 
 
 "Then he don't know his trade," said the major. 
 
 " Do you think so ? " asked the colonel, eagerly. 
 
 " Not a doubt of it," answered the major. " Where did 
 he get his title ? " 
 
 Then the colonel detailed the story which Charley had 
 told him, giving the major all the incidents just as Charley 
 had narrated them. 
 
 " Hum ! " said the major. 
 
 "What do you mean by 'hum' ? " asked the colonel. 
 
 "Now, look here, colonel, did you ever see anything of 
 that sort done in India ? "
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 97 
 
 "No," said the colonel, reflectively. 
 
 " Or anywhere else ? " asked the major. 
 
 "Well," said the colonel, " I can't say that I have." 
 
 " None of our fellows ever won their straps in that way," 
 said the major ; " it may be all right, but it sounds awfully 
 fishy." 
 
 " You don't mean that he isn't a colonel ? " urged Colonel 
 Withers. 
 
 "I don't say that now," replied the major. "I'll tell 
 you when I see him." 
 
 "Well," said the colonel, "I give one of our little dinners 
 next week ; come up and see him." 
 
 " I'll do so," said the major. 
 
 And then the veterans parted. 
 
 The colonel went home quite unhappy. Smith was quite 
 a plebeian name, and a colonelcy here was not like a 
 colonelcy in England. And suppose that, after all, Jonas 
 was not a colonel. However, the colonel resolved to permit 
 matters to remain as they were until the major came to the 
 little dinner ; and, if the major should discover that Jonas 
 Smith was not a colonel, then well, the colonel resolved 
 that his proceedings should be summary.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 A LITTLE DINNER AT THE COLONEL'S. 
 
 COLONEL Withers was accustomed to have occasional 
 gatherings at his house, which were peculiarly his own, and 
 they invariably took the form of dinners. They were called 
 by him little dinners, because he seldom had at them more 
 than a dozen guests. They were always military assem- 
 blages. No one was invited to them, that is to say, no one 
 of the male sex, who had not a handle to his name of the 
 military kind. The ladies who attended were the wives of 
 these gallant warriors, and were invited by the colonel merely 
 to keep Kitty in countenance ; for he feared that she might 
 feel diffident, while presiding over such an assemblage of 
 veterans, if left without the support of others of her sex. 
 
 The colonel insisted upon the proceedings at these little 
 reunions being carried on in a particular manner, and the 
 programme was as follows : the guests arrived shortly 
 before dinner ; after dinner the ladies retired from the din- 
 ing-room, while the gentlemen remained there with the wine 
 and cigars. Then the colonel was in his element, and there 
 the veterans would sit and fight over old and new campaigns, 
 until the discussion became so warm as to look dangerous,
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 99 
 
 when they would adjourn to the ladies and tea. After the 
 gentlemen had reached the parlor, a few songs would be 
 sung, occasionally a rubber of whist would be played, and 
 the party would break up at an early hour. 
 
 It had happened that the colonel had not held one of his 
 little dinners since Jonas had formed his acquaintance. The 
 truth was that the colonel missed Major Mackenzie, who 
 was, so to speak, his right bower, and he had waited for the 
 major's return to New York rather impatiently. As soon as 
 the major reached the city the colonel resolved to give a 
 dinner, so that he could introduce the gentleman, who was 
 to be his son-in-law, to his military friends. Jonas of 
 course, when he was invited, promised to attend ; but, as he 
 was chatting with Miss Kitty at the time, he forgot that he 
 would be compelled to appear on that occasion as a military 
 gentleman. Perhaps, however, it was just as well that he 
 did ; for what would life be worth, if we were constantly 
 looking forward to the possibilities of the future in the way 
 of misery? 
 
 At length the eventful day came around, and the guests 
 duly appeared. Major Mackenzie brought his nephew, 
 Lieutenant Mackenzie, with him. The other guests were 
 four ex-officers of the Union army and their wives. The 
 colonel had intended that Major Mackenzie or his nephew 
 should escort Kitty to dinner ; but Jonas and Kitty dis- 
 turbed his plans, and they went in together. Once at the 
 table, Jonas devoted himself so assiduously to Miss Kitty 
 that the colonel, though he made efforts to do so, was 
 unable to draw Jonas into the discussion of military evolu-
 
 100 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 tions, which had commenced among the veterans. Once the 
 colonel did get an answer from him ; for, when the colonel 
 asked Jonas if he did not think a certain method was the 
 best one, he answered "Of course." Unfortunately, or for- 
 tunately, Kitty had, at that moment, asked Jonas if he 
 would come to the parlor as soon as he could after the 
 ladies left the table, and it is barely possible that the 
 answer applied to her question. 
 
 The major and the colonel disagreed on some point, and 
 they became so much interested in it that even the presence 
 of the fairer sex was hardly sufficient to keep them within 
 bounds. They were both vigorous fighters at the table and 
 in the field ; -and, when either of them had enunciated a 
 proposition, it was hardly possible for them to drop it until 
 the opponent was willing to acknowledge himself van- 
 quished. They were both supported by some of the gentle- 
 men present, and the war of words was waging fiercely. 
 To be sure all this was rather caviare to the female guests ; 
 but then it was always understood that these little dinners 
 were specially the colonel's, and that military affairs would 
 monopolize the conversation. 
 
 Presently the ladies left the room. Jonas held the door 
 open to allow them to pass out, and his eyes followed Kitty 
 longingly, as if he, too, would be willing, for the nonce, to be 
 a lady, merely for the pleasure of being banished from the 
 dining-room. But banishment just then was not to be his 
 fortune ; respect for his host and for the other guests com- 
 pelled hun to return to the table. 
 
 " And now, gentlemen," said the colonel, after the ladies
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 101 
 
 had departed, "draw together, and pass the wine more 
 rapidly." 
 
 "Yes, colonel," said Major Mackenzie, "and touching that 
 point we were discussing, don't you admit that you were 
 wrong?" 
 
 "Not a bit of it," replied the colonel. "And now that 
 the ladies have departed I'll show you in a minute the 
 whole affair." 
 
 Jonas sat down, prepared to wait until this interminable 
 discussion should end. Meanwhile, as he was not com- 
 pelled to say anything, nor even to listen, he fell to 
 wondering what Kitty was doing ; whether she was dull and 
 wearied or bright and lively ; whether she was wishing for 
 him as much as he was desiring her ; and finally he began to 
 wonder what he had ever done, what he had ever been, 
 what he was ever likely to be, to entitle him to take 
 possession of such a glorious creature. 
 
 Presently he heard Kitty's clear, sweet voice singing 
 " Clochette," the little song he had taught her; and he rose 
 from his chair, thinking that in the midst of the discussion, 
 which had now become general, he might steal away unob- 
 served, and make his way into the parlor. Unfortunately 
 at that moment Colonel Withers felt the necessity of some 
 assistance, so he exclaimed : 
 
 " Very well, then, we'll leave it to Colonel Smith ! " 
 
 He turned to Jonas and found that that gentleman was 
 about to leave the table. 
 
 "Hold on, colonel," said he ; "don't go yet. "We haven't 
 commenced to think of breaking up yet."
 
 102 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 So Jonas sat down again, and found himself effectually 
 fastened to the chair. 
 
 "Well," said the colonel to Major Mackenzie, "will you 
 leave it to Colonel Smith ? ' 
 
 " I don't know about that," said the wary major. " Isn't 
 that too much like leaving it to yourself? " 
 
 "No, sir," said Colonel Withers. "Colonel Smith has 
 as yet expressed no opinion. I don't know what he may 
 think about it any more than you do." 
 
 "Well, well," said the major, "we'll take his opinion; 
 and, if we don't like it, why, I suppose there's no law 
 compelling us to stand by it." 
 
 "Well, colonel," said Colonel Withers to Jonas, "what is 
 your opinion?" 
 
 "About what?" inquired Jonas, simply. 
 
 "About what?" cried the major. "Why, where have 
 the boy's wits been? Ah, young man, you've missed one 
 of the most beautiful discussions." 
 
 "But, major," said Colonel Withers, " if he has not heard 
 any of the discussion, why, he will make so much the 
 better a referee." 
 
 "That's true, that's very true," observed the major ; "but 
 who is to state the proposition ? " 
 
 "Well," replied the colonel, "I'll state it; and if you 
 have any amendments to offer you can then present them to 
 him." 
 
 "That's agreeable to me, quite agreeable," responded the 
 major.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 103 
 
 "Now, colonel," said Colonel Withers to Jonas, "the 
 major maintains " 
 
 "Nay, nay, colonel," interrupted the major; "it's you 
 who maintain. I merely combat the proposition that you 
 have stated." 
 
 "Well, it makes no difference." 
 
 "Ay, but it does to me, it does to me, colonel," responded 
 the major. 
 
 " Then," said the colonel, " I maintain " 
 
 "That's true, colonel," interrupted the major, "and now 
 the boot's on the right leg. You maintain " 
 
 "That," continued the colonel, " cavalry can be used to as 
 much advantage in modern wars as it could in those of 
 former days." 
 
 " And I deny the proposition," added the major. " And 
 now, young man, give us your opinion." 
 
 Jonas knew as much about cavalry and its uses as a Guinea 
 negro knows about astronomy ; but the thought darted through 
 his mind that he was bound to know something about that 
 branch of warfare, and he further thought that, if he hesi- 
 tated, he was lost, so he replied quite promptly : 
 
 " Well, I must say that I agree with the colonel." 
 
 " There," cried Colonel Withers, "I told you so. I knew 
 I must be right." 
 
 "And you may be," added the major, "but I doubt it. 
 By the way, colonel," continued he, addressing Jonas, "of 
 what regiment was you colonel ? " 
 
 That was a poser for Jonas. Several of the gentlemen at 
 the board had been in the Union army, and, if Jonas should
 
 104 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 name a regiment at a venture, how could he be certain that 
 some one of those gentlemen had not served in it? Besides, 
 he had never actually given any one a right to call him colo- 
 nel, he had simply passively allowed the title to be affixed 
 to his name. Furthermore the fact that his title was not legit- 
 imate, was sure to come out on some occasion, and it might 
 as well come out first as last. These thoughts passed through 
 his mind like a flash, and he replied to the major : 
 " Oh, that is merely a nickname. I'm not a colonel." 
 " I thought so," said the major, as he leaned back in his 
 chair and looked triumphantly at Colonel Withers. 
 
 CHAPTER XXH. 
 
 THE COLONEL CONSULTS THE MAJOR. 
 
 THE colonel was so astonished at this confession of Jonas 
 that he sprang up from his chair. Everybody thought that 
 that was the signal for leaving the table, and so they all stood 
 up. At first astonishment had struck the colonel dumb, and, 
 fortunately, when speech came to him, he remembered his 
 guests, and so, instead of inquiring into the matter then and 
 there, he simply led the way to the parlor. 
 
 As soon as they reached the parlor, Jonas hastened to- 
 wards the sofa on which Kitty was sitting, but he was stopped 
 on the way by the old colonel, who, in a chilling tone, re-
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 105 
 
 marked, " I should like to see you after the other folks have 
 gone away." 
 
 "Certainly," replied Jonas, wondering why the colonel 
 used such a tone, and also what the colonel could possibly 
 want to see him about. However, he continued his journey 
 towards Miss Kitty. 
 
 Meanwhile Colonel Withers made his way to Major 
 Mackenzie. 
 
 "Major," said the colonel, "will you come into the sitting- 
 room for a few moments with me ? " 
 
 " Certainly," replied the major. 
 
 " I want to consult you," continued the colonel, " about 
 this matter." 
 
 "You mean our friend yonder," said the major, pointing 
 to Jonas. 
 
 "Yes," replied the colonel, as he led the way out of the 
 room. 
 
 When the two veterans had reached the sitting-room, the 
 colonel opened the conversation. 
 
 " Take a cheroot, major. A fellow thinks better when he's 
 smoking, and I'm so knocked up by this thing that I really 
 must smoke to calm my nerves." 
 
 So they lit their cigars and fell to smoking. 
 
 " Now, major," said the colonel, " tell me frankly what you 
 think about this thing." 
 
 "Well," said the major, "it's rather delicate ground." 
 
 " But," said the colonel, " I waive that consideration ; I 
 consult you as a friend."
 
 106 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Well," said the major, "it's quite evident that Mr. 
 Smith is not a colonel." 
 
 " Quite," muttered Colonel "Withers. 
 
 "And just as evident that he isn't a military man at all." 
 
 "I know it," groaned the colonel. "He has admitted it." 
 
 "And he's engaged to your daughter," continued the 
 major, "with your consent." 
 
 "Yes," replied the colonel, mournfully. 
 
 " Well," said the major, " I don't like to be personal, but 
 if I had a daughter " 
 
 " Well," interrupted the colonel, " if you had a daughter ? " 
 
 " She should never marry any one who was not a military 
 man." 
 
 "No more shall mine," cried the colonel, slapping his 
 hand on the table. 
 
 "I thought that was your opinion," said the major. 
 
 " I've said it more than an hundred times," responded the 
 colonel, "and I mean to stick to it." 
 
 "Then," said the major, "the only question remaining is, 
 how are you to get rid of Mr. Smith?" 
 
 "That's it," said the colonel ; " and yet I like the fellow." 
 
 "But he isn't a military man," remorselessly added the 
 major. 
 
 "No," said the colonel. 
 
 "He had no right to deceive you," said the major. 
 
 " Of course he hadn't." 
 
 "And I'd simply tell him if she were my daughter 
 that the engagement must be broken." 
 
 "But the girl loves him, major."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 107 
 
 "Pooh ! love's all folderol," said the major, with an 
 expression of great contempt. 
 
 "I'm afraid she may suffer." 
 
 " Pshaw ! " said the major. " No one ever dies from love. 
 How many women did you fall in love with before you 
 married?" 
 
 " I don't know," replied the colonel. 
 
 "Dozens, Atfithout doubt," said the major. "When I was 
 a youngster I was always falling in love, and yet I've sur- 
 vived. No one ever died of love yet, outside of a novel." 
 
 "And how would you dismiss him?" asked the colonel. 
 
 " Well," said the major, " I should treat him kindly. The 
 fellow is a nice enough person, if he were only a military 
 man, and I don't see any occasion for treating him badly." 
 
 "I'm much obliged, major," said the colonel. "I've a 
 rough piece of work ahead." 
 
 " Oh," said the major, "you know you can let it stand as 
 it is. All I have suggested has been what I would do, if I 
 had a daughter, and she was in the position that yours is. 
 No daughter of mine should ever marry any one but a 
 military man." 
 
 "Nor shall mine," exclaimed the colonel. "I've said it, 
 and I'll stand by it." 
 
 " And I think you're right," said the major. 
 
 " And now, major," said the colonel, " if you'll leave me 
 for a few moments, I'll join you presently." 
 
 The major left the room and the colonel remained behind. 
 The colonel had made up his mind as to what he would do 
 in regard to this matter ; but he mortally disliked to do it.
 
 108 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 He liked Jonas heartily and thoroughly, and, worse than 
 that, Kitty loved Jonas ; but the colonel had made up his 
 mind, years before, that his daughter should marry a military 
 man or remain an old maid, and he could not give up that 
 resolution. As he walked the floor, he groaned as he 
 remembered that he himself had thrown Jonas in Kitty's 
 way, and had encouraged their mutual affection. However, 
 he resolved that he would separate them, cost what it might, 
 and, having so resolved, he went among his guests. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 THE COLONEL SPEAKS HIS MIND. 
 
 MEANWHILE in the parlor conversation had commenced to 
 lag. Thereupon the veterans besieged Miss Kitty, and 
 demanded from her a song. Major Mackenzie came to their 
 assistance. 
 
 "You know, Miss Kitty," said the major, "that the Scotch 
 are desperately fond of music, and surely you will oblige 
 an old friend." 
 
 "Of course I will, major. What shall it be, 'Annie 
 Laurie'?" 
 
 " Nay, nay," replied the major. " I'm not picking out the 
 songs. Sing us anything you please ; or we'll leave it to
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 109 
 
 Colonel Smith here, who unfortunately doesn't agree with 
 me about cavalry." 
 
 "But does agree with you," said Jonas, bowing to the 
 major, "in liking to hear Miss Kitty sing." 
 
 The major had intended to lead Miss Kitty to the piano, 
 but he was so slow and pompous in his motions, that, before 
 he had made the first movement in that direction, Jonas had 
 started towards the piano with. her. 
 
 "Well," muttered the major, "he's got cheek enough to 
 be a general, let alone a colonel." 
 
 Kitty sang, but, as after she had finished, her auditors 
 demanded a repetition of her efforts, she and Jonas sang a 
 duet, which excited the admiration even of our Scotch 
 major, who congratulated Jonas upon his knowledge of 
 music, insinuating, however, that it would be well for him 
 to increase his information as to the uses of cavalry. 
 
 Presently the little party broke up, and the guests departed. 
 The major was the last to leave, except Jonas. The colonel 
 bade the major good-night at the door, and then returned to 
 the parlor, where Jonas and Kitty were seated. As he 
 entered the room the colonel's manner was excessively 
 dignified and imposing, and the expression of his counte- 
 nance was very severe. 
 
 "Colonel Smith," said he, laying a vicious emphasis upon 
 the title, "I should like to see you in the sitting-room." 
 
 Kitty sprang up, looked at her father with astonishment, 
 and exclaimed : 
 
 "Why, papa " 
 
 "Never mind, Kitty," interrupted the colonel; "I don't
 
 110 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 want you, I want Colonel Smith." Again he placed that 
 terrible emphasis on the title. 
 
 Kitty sat down dumfounded. 
 
 " I'll be with you in a moment," said Jonas to the colonel, 
 as that gentleman left the room. 
 
 " What can papa want? " asked Kitty. 
 
 "I can't imagine," replied Jonas. 
 
 " But you'll return here ? " asked Eatty. 
 
 " Of course I will," replied Jonas. 
 
 Then he left the room, and went to the sitting-room where 
 the colonel was. 
 
 " Sir," said the colonel, after gazing silently at Jonas for a 
 few moments, "you made a remark at my dinner-table to- 
 day, about which I wish to speak to you." 
 
 " Oh, about the cavalry," said Jonas. 
 
 "No, sir," said the colonel ; "about yourself." 
 
 " About myself ? " 
 
 "Yes, sir. You said that you was not a colonel." 
 
 "Oh, yes," replied Jonas ; "I recollect." 
 
 " And is that true ? " asked the colonel. 
 
 " Certainly," replied Jonas. "It's a nickname which my 
 friends gave me, and to which I have become so accustomed 
 that I answer to it unconsciously." 
 
 "Then, sir," said the colonel, "you have deceived me." 
 
 "Not intentionally," said Jonas. 
 
 "Intentionally or not," replied the colonel, "you have 
 entered my house under false pretences." 
 
 Jonas hung his head. His own conscience reproved him 
 considerably ; he felt that he should have been more explicit
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. Ill 
 
 perhaps, but he was so much accustomed to the title that, in 
 his early acquaintance with Colonel Withers, he had borne it 
 without any design other than that of continuing a pleasant 
 acquaintance during a journey, and since that time he had 
 forgotten all about it. 
 
 " You have obtained," continued the colonel, " my consent 
 to your marriage with my daughter by an imposition on me. 
 Know, sir, that I had resolved long ago that she should 
 marry a military gentleman, and I consented to an engage- 
 ment between you and her because I thought that you was 
 honestly entitled to the title you bear." 
 
 "But hear me, colonel! Allow me, I beg of you, to 
 explain," exclaimed Jonas. 
 
 " Is your explanation that you really are a colonel ? " asked 
 Colonel Withers, in his most solemn tone. 
 
 "No, sir, I am not a colonel, but " 
 
 "Then, sir," interrupted the old colonel, "there is no 
 explanation. This engagement with my daughter must be 
 broken off at once." 
 
 " Surely, Colonel Withers," exclaimed Jonas, "you do not 
 mean that ! " 
 
 "But I do mean it," replied the colonel, sternly. "My 
 daughter shall marry a military gentleman, or die an old 
 maid." 
 
 "But she loves me, colonel. Have you no thought for 
 her?" 
 
 " Then I'll cure her. She still loves her father a little, I 
 presume, and will obey his wishes." 
 
 "But for mercy's sake, colonel "
 
 112 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "No, there are no buts," sternly interrupted the colonel. 
 "I have made up my mind. You may go in and say good- 
 by to Kitty, because I have confidence enough in you not to 
 fear that you will attempt to persuade her to do anything 
 underhanded, and then I must ask you, unpleasant as it is, 
 not to come here any more." 
 
 " Colonel Withers," said Jonas, "I " 
 * There, my boy," interrupted the colonel, "don't let us 
 quarrel now. I've always liked you, but all you can say 
 will not change my intentions, which have been fixed for 
 years. I should not like to part with you as an enemy, and 
 therefore you had better refrain from making the remark 
 you was about to indulge in. I confess that you have not 
 attempted personally to deceive me, but you should have 
 been more frank ; it would have saved us both pain. And 
 now, if you will say good-by to Kitty, for I'd much rather 
 leave the explanation to you, I'll be obliged to you." 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 JONAS left the room slowly, and with an expression of 
 sorrow on his face that might have moved the colonel, if he 
 had not been made of the very sternest material. He 
 walked to the parlor, opened the door, and entered.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 113 
 
 Meanwhile Kitty had been sitting where Jonas had left 
 her, wondering what this strange interview could mean. It 
 must be remembered that she had not been present at the 
 table when the explosion occurred, so that she had no means 
 of even guessing what her father's strange request for an 
 interview could mean. When Jonas entered the room, 
 slowly, despairingly, she sprang up, threw her arms around 
 his neck, and exclaimed, "Jonas, what is it? And papa! 
 where is he ? What does all this mean ? " 
 
 "I am not a colonel," said Jonas, dejectedly. 
 
 "Not a colonel," said she, as if somewhat bewildered by 
 an explanation, which was no explanation to her. 
 
 "Yes ; I am not a colonel," replied Jonas. 
 
 "But, Jonas," said she, "I don't care whether you are or 
 are not a colonel." 
 
 His arm unconsciously stole around her waist as he 
 answered : 
 
 "Unfortunately your father does. Oh, that wretched 
 nickname ! " 
 
 "Then your title is only a nickname?" asked she. 
 
 Jonas nodded his head in reply. 
 
 " Well, what of that? " said she. 
 
 " Would that I had never borne it ! " exclaimed he. " Then 
 I might have met you and won you on my own merits." 
 
 " Ah, but, Jonas," said she, K don't you know that, without 
 that title, I never could have met you, never could have 
 loved you?" 
 
 "And now I have lost you forever."
 
 114 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Lost!" exclaimed she. "Lost, Jonas! What do you 
 mean ? " 
 
 "Did I not tell you? " inquired he. 
 
 " No, what is there to tell ? " 
 
 " Your father has just informed me that he has determined 
 that our engagement shall be ended at once." 
 
 " Because you are not a colonel ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " If that is all, don't be frightened about it, Jonas. I didn't 
 love you because you was a colonel. I'll never marry any 
 one but you ; and, though I'll never marry without papa's 
 consent, I don't believe he will allow me to become that 
 greatest of abominations to him, an old maid, simply because 
 you are not a colonel," 
 
 " And you will really continue to love me ? " asked Jonas. 
 
 " Till I die," replied Kitty. 
 
 He took her in his arms, and almost smothered her with 
 kisses. 
 
 "And now," said Kitty, "tell me all about it. I don't 
 understand what it all means, I'm sure." 
 
 Thereupon Jonas gave her a detailed history of his unfor- 
 tunate title, told her how it had become attached to his 
 name ; how he had grown so accustomed to it that it really 
 seemed to belong to him ; how, for a "lark," he had allowed 
 the mistake of the clerk of the hotel at Boston to impose on 
 Colonel Withers ; how he had allowed the deception to go 
 <ou from a desire of forming her acquaintance ; how the 
 explosion had happened at the dinner-table, through the
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 115 
 
 inquisitivenefes of Major Mackenzie, and how Colonel With- 
 ers had laid down the law to him in the sitting-room. 
 
 w I dislike that nephew of Major Mackenzie's," was Kitty's 
 first remark. 
 
 Now isn't that enough to make a man wonder whether 
 women are human beings? What earthly relation Major 
 Mackenzie's nephew had to the present trouble it would 
 have puzzled a Philadelphia lawyer to discover ; but Miss 
 Kitty had probably connected the nephew with the uncle, 
 and had recalled remarks made by the major, mere hints, 
 before he retired that evening, and also the fact that the 
 major and the colonel had retired together immediately 
 after dinner. Anyhow the major had injured the creature 
 she loved, and the blow, which she thus struck back, seemed 
 satisfactory to her. To Jonas, however, it was all Greek. 
 
 "What," inquired he, "has that to do with it? " 
 
 "No matter," answered she. "Then you are not to be 
 allowed to come here any more ? " 
 
 " So your father has stated," replied Jonas ; " but you will 
 write to me, won't you?" 
 
 "No, I cannot," replied Kitty; "I will not deceive papa. 
 We must have patience, and wait until papa reconsiders his 
 resolution." 
 
 " And you? " asked Jonas. 
 
 " Oh, I will do my best to aid the reconsideration, and I 
 will love you forever." 
 
 She threw her arm around his neck, and pressed her 
 cheek against his. Just then Colonel Withers entered, but 
 Kitty did not move ; she was not in the least ashamed of
 
 116 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 her love ; why should she be ? She had loved Jonas with her 
 father's consent, and was she in a moment to forget what 
 had been growing in her heart for months? There was 
 none of that (so called) young-ladylike instinct in Kitty, 
 which would make her ashamed of the expression of her 
 affections. 
 
 "Papa," said she, " have you really determined that Jonas 
 shall not marry me ? " 
 
 " I hoped Mr. Smith had explained that," said the colonel. 
 
 " And you mean to break off our engagement ? " 
 
 " I consider that it is broken off now. I sent Mr. Smith 
 here to say good-by, and I supposed that he had done that 
 before now," replied the colonel, sternly. 
 
 Jonas immediately rose, while a bright flush passed over 
 his face. 
 
 w Wait a moment, Jonas," said Kitty, rising and placing 
 her hand on his arm, " don't say anything to papa, and don't 
 go yet." 
 
 Jonas stood still, wondering what she was about to say. 
 
 " Listen, papa," continued she ; " until I met Jonas I 
 never saw any man I cared to love. When I saw him I 
 loved him instinctively ; I have loved him ever since. I shall 
 obey you, papa, if you order me not to see him or write to 
 him, but I shall love him all my life. Now, Jonas, kiss me 
 good-by, and then leave me." 
 
 Jonas took her in his arms, and kissed her passionately 
 three or four times. Then he bowed to the colonel as he 
 passed him, went out into the hall, and out of the house.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 117 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 DESPAIR. 
 
 JONAS drove home, that is to say, his horse took him 
 home ; and fortunate it was for him that the horse had trav- 
 elled over that road so often, for Jonas was quite incapable 
 of driving the beast. The Bloomingdale road was not, at 
 that time, the easiest path in the world for a horse to take 
 care of himself on, for it was full of turns and inequalities 
 of grade ; but the horse, that had Jonas in charge on that 
 eventful night, managed to convey Jonas safely to the stable 
 where the horse belonged. 
 
 From the stable it was only two blocks to Jonas' home, but 
 he wandered around the streets in a daze ; he hardly knew 
 what he was doing, or where he w r as going. A friendly 
 policeman, who had been watching him for some time, 
 finally came to the conclusion that Jonas was slightly obfus- 
 cated with wine, and so he approached our hero. 
 
 " Looking for your house ? " asked the policeman. 
 
 "Yes," replied Jonas, in the absent way in which a person 
 will answer when aroused from a day-dream. 
 
 "Number 32, isn't it?" asked the policeman. 
 
 "Yes," replied Jonas.
 
 118 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Here we are," said the policeman. " Good-night." 
 
 " Good-night," said Jonas, as he entered the house. 
 
 Jonas entered his home, went to his room, and fell into a 
 chair. Poor fellow ! his home was a boarding-house. Ho 
 had no mother to console him, no sisters to condole with 
 him, no brothers to give him their rough, manly sympathy. 
 He was alone in his misery, and alone he must bear it. For 
 hours he sat there, just as he had flung himself into the chair 
 when he entered the room. 
 
 Finally, just as the gray light of morning was creeping 
 through the shutters, his brain became clearer, and he could 
 think once more. He rose from his chair, threw off his hat 
 and overcoat, and paced the floor for more than an hour. 
 Then he threw himself on his bed, dressed as he was, and 
 slept heavily till the breakfast-bell rang. 
 
 A few hours' rest had done him much good. On the 
 night before, the suddenness of the blow had stunned him ; 
 but when he awoke, hope, that ever remains uppermost in 
 the human breast, again came into the foreground. 
 
 "What ridiculous nonsense," he thought, "that notion 
 the colonel has got into his head is ! His daughter must 
 marry a military man. Well, I'll marry her, despite his 
 notions." 
 
 He half regretted that he had not insisted on the previous 
 evening that he was a colonel, and named a regiment at a 
 venture. He felt very bitter towards the colonel, and 
 thought that that gentleman's acts had been very arbitrary. 
 Mind you, he never blamed himself. Oh, dear, no, we never 
 do that. And yet his troubles had all been brought on
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 119 
 
 himself by himself. If he had not allowed the colonel to 
 imagine that he was a military man, none of his woes would 
 have happened. To be sure, then he would not have been 
 engaged to Miss Kitty ; but, certainly, he had no right to 
 blame the colonel for falling into the trap which he, Jonas 
 Smith, had laid for the old gentleman. And who ought, 
 under the circumstances, to bear the punishment, the man 
 who had inveigled another into an act, or the man who had 
 been inveigled ? Ah, I fear that, so far as right and wrong 
 are concerned, humanity is still very obtuse. 
 
 Jonas' bold mood continued for a very short time. He 
 went to his office, and tried to attend to business ; but how 
 can a man draw papers or read cases, when there is ever 
 floating before his eyes a lovely face for which he longs, or 
 a stern, forbidding face, which he feels bitterly against? 
 Besides, the jokes of the judge and the questions of his 
 fellow-lawyers grated upon his feelings. He wanted to be 
 away from everybody. Life had become distasteful, sick- 
 ening to him ; the world was merely a blank. He left his 
 office, and wandered on and on through the streets. 
 
 "Kitty has promised to remain true to me," muttered 
 he. Then the thought would dart through his mind that 
 perhaps her father would force her to marry some one 
 against her will ; and then he would clinch his hands in a 
 manner that, if we did not live in the nineteenth century, 
 would have boded ill for any one who should be rash enough 
 to marry Kitty. Insane notions of every kind darted 
 through his mind. At first, he thought that he would per- 
 suade Kitty to leave her father ; but he soon dismissed that
 
 120 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 notion, for he felt that he could not succeed in doing that. 
 He even went so far as to think seriously of going to Egypt, 
 enlisting in the service of the Khedive, and remaining there 
 until he became a colonel; fortunately, he gave that up. 
 Finally, thoroughly exhausted, he went home and to bed. 
 
 So the days went on ; he was not fit for work, he was 
 hardly fit to live. He dragged through the weary hours of 
 the day and the wearier hours of the night, hoping all the 
 time that Colonel Withers would relent, and that either the 
 colonel or Kitty would send him some message. Why he 
 hoped or expected that he could not tell, but that expecta- 
 tion kept him alive. At length, goaded on by his misery, he 
 poured out his whole heart on paper, and sent the letter to 
 Kitty. The next day the letter was returned to him 
 unopened, and enclosed in the following epistle : 
 
 " SIR, I enclose unopened the letter which you sent to my daughter. It 
 hardly seems necessary for me to again inform you that the relations, which 
 once existed between you and my daughter, can never be re-established. My 
 resolution, of which I informed you, that no one but a military gentleman 
 shall marry my daughter, is unchangeable. Under the circumstances can 
 you not see that any correspondence between you and her is useless, and will 
 you not be good enough to overcome your desire to write to her, and thus 
 refrain from causing us all pain? 
 
 " Yours respectfully, 
 
 "A. B. WITHERS." 
 
 Then Jonas was really in despair. He threw himself into 
 a chair, covered his face with his hands and groaned aloud. 
 Suddenly he sprang up, walked the floor excitedly, and 
 exclaimed vehemently, "This will never do. I must do 
 something. I'll not give her up so."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 121 
 
 That was easy enough to say, but what could he do ? He 
 thought, and thought, but nothing feasible presented itself to 
 his mind. He went to the window and looked out. The night 
 was a brilliant one, the moon and stars were shining brightly, 
 and, just as he reached the window, the clock in a neigh- 
 boring church tower struck midnight. 
 
 " I have it," cried Jonas. "I'll go and see Charley." 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 THE DOCTOR IS CAJLLED IN. 
 
 MEANWHILE how fared it with Kitty ? Not much better it 
 is to be feared than it did with her lover. She had felt quite 
 strong on that eventful evening, when she bade Jonas good- 
 by, for she hoped and expected that, in a few days, her 
 father would give up his notions, and would invite Jonas to 
 return. She knew that her father was very determined, 
 when he had made up his mind ; but she also knew that her 
 father loved her dearly. As, however, day after day went by 
 and Jonas failed to appear, she lost her spirits. Her maid 
 told her of the letter which had come, and of her father's 
 action in regard to it ; and Kitty began to fear that her 
 father's determination would last. She no longer laughed or 
 sang around the house, much to the old man's dismay; but
 
 122 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 he consoled himself with the reflection that she would soon 
 outgrow her love-sickness. 
 
 To distract her mind he resolved to invite Major Mackenzie 
 to call, with his nephew. Accordingly, a polite invitation was 
 sent to the major by the colonel ; and the major and his 
 nephew complied with the colonel's request. Unfortunately, 
 however, for the colonel's little plan, Kitty declined to see 
 the major and his nephew. 
 
 "But why?" asked the colonel. 
 
 " I do not like the major," answered Kitty. 
 
 "That's sudden," replied the colonel. "Since when have 
 you commenced to dislike him ? " 
 
 " Since you that is, since your last dinner. I will see 
 him, papa, if you insist on it, but I do not wish to see 
 him ; I don't feel well." 
 
 When the major was informed of Miss Kitty's resolution, 
 he was somewhat astonished, but finally remarked : 
 
 "Pooh! my dear colonel, she'll get over it. Let Nature 
 take her in charge. Nature will do. And when she's re- 
 covered, why, we'll just take her in hand and marry her to a 
 Mackenzie. That'll console her." 
 
 The old colonel had considerable confidence in the major, 
 but, as he watched his daughter, he began to get frightened. 
 She no longer had any desire to go anywhere ; she spent most 
 of her time sitting listlessly in her great easy-chair, gazing 
 mournfully at the river. .The old colonel finally became so 
 frightened that he resolved to consult a doctor. 
 
 Doctor Brown, the colonel's family physician, was a queer 
 compound. He was a little, round na,an, with a bald head, a
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 123 
 
 pug nose, a vast mouth, and bright little gray eyes, that 
 twinkled behind his spectacles. He had none of the physi- 
 cian's humbug about him. No fine ladies could persuade 
 him to attend upon them in their humbug sicknesses. His 
 business, as he said, was to cure sick people, not to make 
 well people believe that they were sick. He had brought 
 Kitty through a severe attack of fever, just after she arrived 
 in New York, and the doctor and Kitty were great friends. 
 
 "Kitty," said the colonel, as he entered the room one 
 evening, "Doctor Brown has dropped around with me. 
 Will you see him?" 
 
 "But I am not sick, papa." 
 
 "No ; but then you will see the doctor to oblige me, won't 
 you?" 
 
 "Why, of course, papa, if you wish it," replied she, lan- 
 guidly, "though I assure you I am quite well." 
 
 The doctor came in. 
 
 "Ah, Miss Kitty, we are not ill, are we ? " asked he. 
 
 "Oh dear, no,; " replied she, "but papa thinks I am." 
 
 "Well," said the doctor, "let me feel your pulse and 
 see your tongue and now, wait a moment while I listen at 
 your back. ., Draw a long breath, Miss Kitty." 
 
 The doctor looked quite grave, after he had gone through 
 those Usual professional performances. He endeavored to 
 find some bodily ailment, which would account for her lan- 
 guor and depression. Fortunately this doctor was a man 
 of common sense, and, when he failed to find anything 
 wrong about the body, began to suspect that there was 
 something out of the way either in the mind or the affec-
 
 124 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 tions. He watched her carefully for a few moments, while 
 he pretended to be deeply engaged in chatting with her 
 father. 
 
 "Miss Kitty," said he, finally, "won't you let me banish 
 you for a few moments ? " 
 
 " Of course, doctor, I'll run away at once." 
 
 "Well, doctor?" inquired the colonel, as soon as she had 
 left the room. 
 
 "Yes," said the doctor, reflectively, as if he had hit upon 
 the solution of some problem upon which he had been 
 cogitating. 
 
 "What is the matter with her, doctor?" inquired the 
 colonel, quite eagerly. 
 
 " Physically nothing," replied the doctor ; " she's as sound 
 as a dollar, now" 
 
 "What do you mean by now?" inquired the colonel. 
 
 " I mean that she is suffering from some mental affliction, 
 which will not leave her sound long." 
 
 " You don't tell me so, doctor?" said the colonel, eagerly. 
 
 "Yes, I do," promptly responded the doctor. "Now 
 what is it?" 
 
 "How should I know? " asked the colonel, in a surly tone. 
 
 "Ah, I see," said the doctor, in a tone of great confidence. 
 "She's in love." 
 
 "Well, what then?" asked the colonel, brusquely. 
 
 " Doesn't the young gentleman love her ? " 
 
 "I suppose so. He says he does." 
 
 "Ah, I see, you oppose him."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 125 
 
 "Well, why the devil isn't he a military man, then?" 
 ejaculated the colonel. 
 
 " Ah," said the doctor, " that's where the shoe pinches ? " 
 
 "Yes," said the colonel, "I want my daughter to marry 
 a military man, if she marries any one." 
 
 "I didn't think you was so foolish," said the doctor. 
 " And so the young man isn't an officer ? " 
 
 "Not even a private," ejaculated the colonel. 
 
 " My dear colonel," said Doctor Brown, " whether he be a 
 military man or not, if you want to save your daughter, 
 you'd better let him marry her. The affections are her 
 strong point." 
 
 " I know that," said the colonel, mournfully. 
 
 " I thought it was odd, if you had lived with her all these 
 years and not discovered that," suggested the doctor. " She 
 is peculiarly sensitive, and yet she is peculiarly self-reliant. 
 She will die without making any complaint." 
 
 " Great heavens, doctor ! " cried the colonel, " do you 
 mean to say that there is any chance of Kitty's dying? " 
 
 " That is precisely what I do mean to say," replied the 
 doctor, solemnly. 
 
 "Die ! Kitty die ! " cried the old colonel. " But it is not 
 yet too late, is it, doctor?" 
 
 " Oh, by no means. She is still curable, but you are the 
 only man who can cure her." 
 
 Thereupon the doctor took his hat and gloves, and 
 departed. Probably he had drawn a rather long bow ; but 
 then he had not the slightest respect for the old colonel's 
 predilections in favor of military men, and he had a strong
 
 126 THE MAX WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 fondness for Miss Kitty, and heartily disliked to see her 
 sacrificed to her father's foolish notions. After the depart- 
 ure of the doctor, the old colonel stood still for a few 
 moments. His face was quite drawn, and there were tears 
 in his eyes. Probably visions of Kitty in her babyhood, 
 her childhood, her girlhood, and her maidenhood, flitted 
 before his eyes. Thoughts of what a kind and loving 
 daughter she had been went through his mind, and dimmed 
 his eyes. He looked at his watch, rushed into the hall, put 
 on his overcoat, had his horse harnessed, jumped into the 
 wagon, and drove down the road as if life depended on his 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 A RENT IN THE CLOUD. 
 
 PERHAPS it would be proper to follow Jonas on the little 
 journey on which he started as the clock was striking mid- 
 night. It was at least half-past that witching hour when he 
 rang the bell affixed to Charley Hastrom's front door. Of 
 course everybody was in bed and fast asleep, and so Jonas 
 was compelled to ring the bell a second time. Then 
 Charley stuck his head out of a window in the second story, 
 and, in deep, sepulchral tones, designed to frighten the 
 intruder if he should happen to be a burglar, exclaimed : 
 
 "Who's there?"
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 127 
 
 "I," replied Jonas. 
 
 "That's refreshing, Becky, isn't it?" said Charley to 
 his wife, who was standing behind him. Then he again 
 addressed the intruder. 
 
 " Well," said he, " if it isn't impertinent, who the mischief 
 is I?" 
 
 "Jonas Smith," replied the visitor. 
 
 "But, Jonas, my dear fellow, don't you see that it's 
 after midnight ? " 
 
 "No matter, I must see you, Charley." 
 
 * Next week won't do, then? " urged Charley. 
 
 " No ; I must see you to-night." 
 
 "Then I'll come down." 
 
 Presently Charley appeared at the front door, admitted 
 Jonas, and led him into the parlor. Then he lit the gas, 
 and, for the first time, noticed Jonas' worn and wretched 
 appearance. 
 
 "For mercy's sake," cried Charley, now thoroughly inter- 
 ested, "what ails you, Jonas? You haven't been on a 
 'tear? have you?" 
 
 "No," replied Jonas. 
 
 "What is it, then?" asked Charley. 
 
 "Where's your wife? " inquired Jonas, abruptly. 
 
 "Come, my dear fellow," said Charley, "that's too much. 
 It's bad enough for you to rouse me out of bed at this hour 
 of the night ; but to ask my wife to get up ajso is carrying 
 the thing rather too far." 
 
 "Please ask her to come down, Charley," said Jonas, as 
 he dropped into a chair.
 
 128 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 " Oh, if you put it in that way," said Charley, " of course 
 I must obey." 
 
 So he went to the foot of the stairs and called Becky. 
 
 Fortunately Mrs. Becky had suspected that she would be 
 needed, and had been industriously dressing herself, so that, 
 when she was called, she was ready to descend. When 
 they had all assembled, Charley spoke : 
 
 "Now, then, Jonas, I hope what you are going to tell us 
 is important. Out with it." 
 
 "I am not a colonel," said Jonas, dolefully. 
 
 "Well, if I hadn't known that for years," said Charley, 
 "perhaps I might have been obliged to you for waking me 
 up at midnight to inform me of it, but as it is " 
 
 "Not a colonel ! " ejaculated Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Not a colonel," echoed Jonas. 
 
 " But surely Charley, didn't you tell us about a desper- 
 ate charge, etc. ? " asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Ahem ! " said Charley, " I'll explain that hereafter, my 
 dear. That was merely a page of history which hasn't got 
 into the books yet. And now, Jonas, go on, for I suppose 
 there's more of the story." 
 
 So Jonas told his story as briefly as he could, and then 
 narrated how he had striven to find some way out of his 
 difficulties ; and finally how, in his despair, he had thought 
 of them, and had come around at once to see if they could 
 help him. 
 
 "And you did just right," said Mrs. Becky, promptly. 
 " Of course we can help you. What is the use of friends if 
 they don't help one another ? "
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 129 
 
 "Well, I confess," said Charley, slowly, "she is Colonel 
 Withers' daughter, and, if Colonel Withers has put his foot 
 down, I don't exactly see " 
 
 " Pooh, bother ! " interrupted Mrs. Becky. " Of course 
 you don't see ; men never do. I see, however, and that is 
 quite sufficient." 
 
 "Well, my dear," said Charley, "suppose you tell a 
 couple of purblind individuals exactly what you do see." 
 
 "The first thing to be done," replied she, quickly, "is to 
 furnish temporary relief." 
 
 " That's not to be gainsaid," responded Charley. 
 
 "I take that upon myself," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "Thanks, Mrs. Hastrom," said Jonas. 
 
 " But how, my dear ? " asked Charley. 
 
 "Now, then," said Mrs. Becky to Jonas, "you want her 
 to know that you are still true to her, and that you always 
 will be ; and also want to find out how she feels, and looks, 
 and acts, don't you?" 
 
 "I knew you would help me," said Jonas, brightening 
 up. 
 
 "Of course," replied Mrs. Becky. "Well, to-morrow, 
 I'll go up to Colonel Withers' and spy out the land. Do 
 you come here to dinner, to-morrow, and I'll make my 
 report. In the mean time Charley and I will try to think 
 out some means of permanent relief." 
 
 Jonas thanked her heartily for her kindness, and prom- 
 ised to call again on the following evening. Charley offered 
 him a bed in his house ; but Jonas insisted upon going to 
 his own home.
 
 130 TIIE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "My dear Becky," said Charley, when he had returned 
 from the front door, " what a woman you are ! " 
 
 " Pooh ! " said Mrs. Becky, " we are all alike when our 
 friends are in sorrow." 
 
 "But, my dear," said Charley, "do you suppose it's the 
 correct thing for us to interfere with Colonel Withers' 
 family arrangements ? " 
 
 "Correct!" exclaimed she. "That's always the way 
 with men. What do we care whether it is correct or not ? 
 Are we to stand by and see Jonas and Kitty made miser- 
 able, merely because an old gentleman happens to have 
 foolish notions ? " 
 
 "That's just what I'm not sure about," replied Charley. 
 
 "Of course we are not," said Mrs. Becky, "and now let's 
 go to bed." 
 
 On the morrow, according to her promise, Mrs. Becky 
 called upon Kitty. Fortunately the colonel was not at 
 home, and so Mrs. Becky had a clear field. 
 
 "I'm so glad to see you," exclaimed Kitty as Mrs. Becky 
 entered the room. 
 
 "I expected you would be," said Mrs. Becky, "and now 
 ask the questions you are dying to ask." 
 
 " Then you have seen Jonas ? " asked Kitty. 
 
 " Certainly." 
 
 "When?" 
 
 "Last night." 
 
 "And he is ?" 
 
 "Horribly miserable." 
 
 " Ah ! " sighed Kitty. Poor Jonas ! "
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 131 
 
 "But you, yourself, Kitty," urged Mrs. Becky, "look 
 badly." 
 
 " I am not very well," replied Kitty. 
 
 " Now, Kitty," said Mrs. Becky, " when men are miser- 
 able they are horribly miserable ; but a girl ought to bear 
 suffering better. Besides, what have you to be wretched 
 about? Jonas loves you, and will always love you." 
 
 " Do you really think so ? " asked Kitty, eagerly. 
 
 "My dear Kitty," said Mrs. Becky, "you ought to have 
 more pride. A girl like you can't be forgotten by a man." 
 
 "But I am away from him." 
 
 "Don't let that trouble you. I'll venture to say that 
 there's a very good photograph of you on his heart. Of 
 course we'll find some way out of this trouble." 
 
 "Will you?" cried Kitty. "Are you sure, quite sure?" 
 
 " Never was surer of anything in my life. In the mean 
 while I'll let Jonas know how you feel, and now let me see 
 you brighten up a little." 
 
 Kitty did brighten up under the influence of Mrs. Has- 
 trom's cheering promises ; so that, when that lady was ready 
 to depart, Kitty looked quite like her old self. 
 
 "Now, Kitty," said Mrs. Becky, as she was leaving, "be 
 as cheerful as you can in reality, but don't show any of it 
 before your father." 
 
 "Why not?" asked Kitty. 
 
 " Because the fact that you are miserable is infinitely more 
 likely to make your father restore Jonas to you than any- 
 thing I or anybody else can do." 
 
 " Shall I deceive papa ? "
 
 132 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Pooh ! " said Mrs. Becky, "your father will tell you that 
 all things are fair in war, and I tell you that all things are 
 fair in love." 
 
 However, Kitty was not compelled to deceive her father ; 
 for, after Mrs. Becky had gone, the reaction set in, and 
 Kitty was quite as miserable as she had been before. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVHI. 
 
 CHARLEY TO THE RESCUE. 
 
 ON the following day Jonas called at the house of the 
 Hastroms at a much more reasonable hour than the one he 
 had selected for his last visit ; in fact, he reached the house 
 just as Charley and Mrs. Becky were sitting down to 
 dinner. Jonas took his place at the table, but he was so 
 impatient for information that he could not even await the 
 departure of the servant. 
 
 "Did you see her?" asked he eagerly of Mrs. Hastrom. 
 
 "Yes," replied that little woman. "I went there this 
 morning, and stayed a couple of hours with her." 
 
 "And how does she look?" asked Jonas. 
 
 "Not very well," replied Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Sick?" asked Jonas, eagerly. 
 
 "No," replied Mrs. Becky, "only love-sick." 
 
 Then Mrs. Becky told him all that she could remember
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 133 
 
 of her visit, told him how eagerly Kitty had listened to the 
 promises he had sent, and how she had requested Mrs. 
 Becky to inform Jonas that she would never, never marry 
 any one else. 
 
 For a time Jonas brightened up, but listening to Mrs. 
 Becky was not barkening to Kitty's voice, and, when Mrs. 
 Becky had emptied her budget and had devoted herself 
 to her dinner, his face darkened again, and he became 
 wretched once more. Now nothing can be more doleful 
 than a man given over to despair. Probably that is so 
 because such conduct is contrary to all our notions of what 
 a man should be and do. It must be remembered, however, 
 that men are differently constituted. Some look upon a 
 heart wound as a mere bagatelle, while others suffer from 
 such an affliction during their whole lives. Many men are 
 quite as sensitive as women, and, though they may not show 
 their misery to mankind, do still unbosom themselves to 
 their intimate friends. 
 
 Jonas was of a peculiarly romantic disposition, and the 
 unique manner in which he had formed Kitty Withers' 
 acquaintance, and the rare beauty and faultless temper of 
 the girl had made him very shortly her devoted slave. 
 Remember, too, the cup was dashed from his very lips ; he 
 was engaged to her with her father's consent, and looked 
 forward to marriage with her as a certainty. Man is a very 
 peculiar creature. If death had stepped in and removed 
 Kitty, probably Jonas would have mourned her deeply, and 
 in time remembered her as a beautiful dream ; but, while she
 
 134 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 was living and apparently within his reach, he desired to 
 call her his own, with a desire too strong to be described. 
 
 "Jonas," said Charley, " be a man." 
 
 " That's what I am," said Jonas ; "not a stone." 
 
 "Yes; but, my dear fellow," said Charley, "I never saw 
 you give way so before." 
 
 "Because I never had occasion," replied Jonas, bitterly. 
 " My life's to be wrecked, and the girl I love is to be given 
 to another perhaps, because an old man has silly notions." 
 
 "Now look here, Jonas," said Charley, "she's his 
 daughter, and he has a right to say something about her 
 marriage. Besides, you are somew r hat to blame for not 
 being more frank with him ; you knew his notions and yet 
 you allowed him to think that you was a colonel." 
 
 "Hang that name ! " exclaimed Jonas. 
 
 "Well, I've no objection to that," responded Charley. 
 "However, as I am somewhat to blame in this matter " 
 
 "You ! " interrupted Jonas. 
 
 "Yes," replied Charley; "when we were at the moun- 
 tains, I told Colonel Withers a cock-and-bull story about an 
 heroic act you did during the war." 
 
 "You told him that? " asked Jonas. 
 
 "Yes," replied Charley. "I made you a double distilled, 
 first-class hero." 
 
 "No wonder he despised me then," said Jonas, absently. 
 
 " Not a bit of wonder about it," said Charley, " for when I 
 do draw the bow, I draw it strong ; don't I, Becky?" 
 
 " That you do," promptly replied Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " And, therefore," continued Charley, " I feel bound,
 
 TUB MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 135 
 
 under the circumstances, to give you the very best advice I 
 can offer. Now listen intently. There are three ways out 
 of this hobble." 
 
 " What are they ? " asked Jonas. 
 
 " First," said Charley, " you can cut the whole thing, 
 wash your hands of it." 
 
 Jonas shook his head. 
 
 "Don't talk like a simpleton, Charley," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Second," said Charley, as if he had not heard his wife's 
 interruption, "you can take the girl and run away with her, 
 elope, they call it in the books." 
 
 "She'd never do that," said Jonas, dejectedly. 
 
 " I don't believe she would," said Charley ; " and, there- 
 fore, I don't consider that plan a very brilliant one." 
 
 "I hope the third is an improvement on it," observed 
 Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Third," continued Charley, winking solemnly at his wife, 
 "I'd advise you to keep up your courage, and wait patiently 
 for future events, which I feel sure will be favorable to you." 
 
 "That's sensible," said Mrs. Becky, " for I really believe 
 that the colonel will come around finally." 
 
 "No," said Jonas, shaking his head, "you don't know 
 him. If I were only really a colonel ! " 
 
 " By Jove ! " cried Charley, springing up and upsetting 
 his plate, " I have it ! " 
 
 " What? " cried Mrs. Becky. 
 
 Jonas looked up. 
 
 " Ahem ! " said Charley ; " I was thinking of something 
 else."
 
 136 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 Jonas buried himself in his thoughts again, and then 
 Charley whispered to his wife. 
 
 " The permanent relief," were the words which he dropped 
 slowly in her ear. 
 
 "Well, my dear," said Mrs. Becky, "if you couldn't 
 obtain that without upsetting your plate, I'll forgive you ; 
 but if you could " 
 
 "But I couldn't, ' Becky, I really couldn't," interrupted 
 Charley. 
 
 "Very well, then," said Mrs. Becky, * what is your per- 
 manent relief ? " 
 
 " It's an idea," replied Charley. 
 
 " Remarkable ! " said Mrs. Becky. " I suppose we are 
 not capable of comprehending it." 
 
 " Oh, yes," replied Charley, " but it requires secrecy." 
 
 "Well, am I not as secret as the grave? " inquired Mrs. 
 Becky. 
 
 "You are wonderful for a woman, my dear," responded 
 Charley ; " but you are a woman." 
 
 " Can't you give us at least a hint? " asked she. 
 
 Charley looked at Jonas, and, finding that that gentleman 
 was day-dreaming, placed his finger on the side of his nose, 
 winked his eye, and whispered : 
 
 "The Nine Hundred and First." 
 
 "The Nine Hundred and First?" echoed Mrs. Becky, 
 with a puzzled expression. 
 
 " Read that," said Charley, handing her a letter which he 
 took from his pocket. 
 
 She read it, and then exclaimed eagerly :
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 137 
 
 " And you mean " 
 
 "Precisely," interrupted Charley. "The Nine Hundred 
 and First ! " 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 THE GALLANT NINE HUNDRED AND FIRST. 
 
 " THE Nino Hundred and First," was what Charley had 
 said when called upon by his wife to explain his idea of the 
 permanent relief needed by Jonas. 
 
 Mrs. Becky had caught the idea which was floating in the 
 mind of her husbanfl, and, like a good and dutiful wife 
 (Heaven send more of them !), had approved her husband's 
 plan, and she, too, had muttered : 
 
 The Nine Hundred and First I " 
 
 Now everybody must admit that if the Nine Hundred and 
 First is to be the deus ex machina of this story, that regi- 
 ment should be properly introduced to the reader. Oh, I 
 know that it is a terrible thing to bring into this story, at its 
 present stage, so vast a body of men, especially when there 
 are so few ladies on hand. I am well aware that, in every 
 properly constructed chronicle of real life there should be 
 at least one lady for every gentleman, that every Jack 
 should have a Jill, and I am the last person in the world to 
 kick against any well-established rule of society ; but what
 
 138 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 can a veracious story-teller, like your humble servant, do? 
 The regiment is part of the story, and must be introduced, 
 that is beyond all question. I am perfectly willing to be 
 good-natured about the matter, but the Nine Hundred and 
 First is in the story, and duty compels me to present it to 
 you. I am willing to compromise the matter, however, and 
 I'll introduce the regiment as a regiment, and thus avoid the 
 threatened plethora of masculines. 
 
 The gallant Nine Hundred and First was one of New York 
 city's militia regiments. Many a time had it bravely marched 
 down Broadway ; thousands of times, in its armory, when 
 drilling, had it 'boldly advanced at double-quick right up to 
 the wall of the armory building without flinching, and dozens 
 of times had it endured the privations of the tented field at 
 Newport, or Saratoga, or Long Branch. It .was composed of 
 the hardy sons of luxury, and, out of its armory, its members 
 were the gilded youth of this metropolis of the western 
 continent. 
 
 It was grand in its campaigns, and its parades, and its 
 drillings, but it was superlative in its balls and receptions. 
 How its members could glide through the " mazes of the 
 giddy," and how the fair damsels of Gotham did love to 
 have the arms of members of the Nine Hundred and First steal 
 round their waist, and whirl them in the dreamy waltz ! Ah, 
 I can assure you the Nine Hundred and First was not to be 
 sneezed at. If you think I am mistaken, ask some fair 
 maiden, who has worried herself almost into a fever in her 
 efforts to obtain tickets for the regiment's annual ball, about 
 it, and find out what she thinks of the regiment.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 139 
 
 There are regiments and regiments. Some are controlled 
 by one-man power, some are ruled by cliques or juntas, while 
 others are as democratic as you could wish, and have meet- 
 ings which are as lively as a town gathering in some rustic 
 village. The Nine Hundred and First was one of the latter 
 kind. You see there was a perfect social equality among 
 the members. Many of the privates occupied positions in 
 private life quite as elevated as those occupied by their 
 commanders. The officers and men were on the best of 
 terms, and got along together admirably; but, when any 
 important question came up they all had opinions, and desired 
 to express them. 
 
 Charley Hastrom had long been a member of the Nino 
 Hundred and First ; at the time of which we are writing he 
 was captain of one of the companies. He had been a member 
 before his marriage, and still remained one. Mrs. Becky 
 had proved herself a very sensible little woman, for one 
 of their first conversations after their marriage was as 
 follows : 
 
 " Becky," said Charley, " I suppose you will want me to 
 resign from the regiment." 
 
 "Have I said so, Charley?" asked she. 
 
 "No," replied he ; "but then I am ready to resign, if you 
 really wish it." 
 
 "Wait till I ask it, Charley," added she. 
 
 " Thanks, Becky," said Charley, joyfully. w I am fond of 
 the old regiment, and should dislike ever so much to leave it." 
 
 "You don't really think, Charley," said she, "that I wish 
 to deprive you of any of your pleasures, do you?"
 
 140 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "I don't know," responded he. 
 
 "Pshaw!" said she, "that isn't what marriage means to 
 me. I'm not a bit afraid of your regiment making you 
 forget me." 
 
 "Nor need you be," responded Charley, as he kissed her. 
 
 Remember that performance occurred during the honey- 
 moon ! 
 
 It's a pity, however, that all wives cannot remember that 
 a man is not able to throw aside all his former ties, without a 
 great exertion, and cannot be willing to allow husbands to en- 
 joy those pleasures which in no wise interfere with domestic 
 happiness. Unfortunately, however, women are human; 
 and, therefore, can hardly have such an abiding faith in man- 
 kind as will control their minds, when the millennium 
 comes. 
 
 The letter, which, aa we have heretofore detailed, Charley 
 had shown to his wife, was simply a notification that, at a 
 meeting to be held at the armory on the following Thursday 
 evening, the regiment would proceed to elect a colonel. 
 That letter had put into Charley's head a brilliant idea, of 
 which Mrs. Becky had expressed her approval, and which 
 bade fair, if it succeeded, to cut the tangled web of circum- 
 stances which had gathered around Jonas and Kitty. To 
 be sure, the success of the affair looked rather dubious, but 
 that did not deter Charley, and, though perhaps there are 
 other characters in our story to whom some attention should 
 be paid at this moment, the reader must pardon us if we 
 cannot refrain from following out Charley's plans.
 
 THE^MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 141 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 PEEPAKATIONS FOE THE ELECTION. 
 
 AT the period of which we are writing, the Nine Hun- 
 dred and First was in a state of effervescence. A short time 
 before, their colonel had died, and the day on which the 
 election of his successor was to take place was rapily 
 approaching. Unfortunately there was a terrible division 
 in the opinions of the members as to who that successor 
 should be. One party had been in favor of electing the 
 lieutenant-colonel to the vacant position, while another party 
 believed that, by choosing some prominent outside man, they 
 would add eclat to the regiment. The lieutenant-colonel, 
 however, promptly refused to run ; he was unwilling, and, 
 as he said, unable to bear the expense which the posi- 
 tion of colonel generally threw upon the incumbent. Then 
 the insiders, as they called themselves, at once split up into 
 factions. Some favored the major, while others desired to 
 vote for the captains of their respective companies. 
 
 Of course the discord which existed among the insiders 
 would have given the outsiders a clear field, if it had not 
 been for the fact that the several cliques, who believed in 
 electing one of their own members, had resolved, that 
 rather than see an outsider elected they would all unite
 
 142 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLOXEL. 
 
 upon one of their candidates, and for the further fact that 
 as much unanimity, as was possible, did not exist among 
 the outsiders. 
 
 Take it all in all it was a very pretty mess. Private 
 Jones explained it to Private Brown very thoroughly. 
 
 "You see, Brown," said Jones, "none of those fellows 
 know exactly what they want." 
 
 "That's so," admitted Brown. 
 
 "The truth is," continued Jones, "it don't make any dif- 
 ference who the colonel is. The real question is, who are 
 the men?" 
 
 "I believe you," interrupted Brown. 
 
 ''As far as I can see." continued Jones, "they might as 
 well elect me as anybody else." 
 
 w Yes, or me," suggested Brown. 
 
 "Well, that isn't so clear," continued Jones ; "but anyhow 
 there'll be a precious row at this election, and I'm bound to 
 be on hand to see the sport." 
 
 The officers, however, did not agree entirely with Private 
 Jones, and the electioneering was something liuge. Johnny 
 Grimshaw, who had never been known before to waste a 
 penny on anybody but his precious self, opened bottles of 
 -wine enough to have stocked a small cellar. He was an 
 outsider, and was in favor of electing a prominent politi- 
 cian, who was willing to use his position for the advantage 
 of the regiment. Charley Hastrom labored assiduously, as 
 was his wont when he took anything in hand. He was an 
 insider, and, though he was named as a candidate by his 
 friends, he disclaimed all desire for the position, and
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 143 
 
 labored for the election of the major, who, he thought, 
 under the circumstances, was really entitled to the place. 
 However, Charley did not at all look upon the battle as a 
 certain victory for his side. 
 
 Suddenly, and this happened immediately after the idea 
 heretofore referred to struck him, Charley ceased to work 
 for the major. 
 
 "Charley," said Johnny Grimshaw, "have you given up 
 the job?" 
 
 " Oh, no," said Charley. 
 
 "Oh, I thought you had, as I hadn't heard of your doing 
 any work for a day or so." 
 
 "Pooh ! " said Charley, "what's the use of working, when 
 you've got a sure thing ? " 
 
 " Sure thing ! " cried Grimshaw. w Don't you believe it. 
 Look here, Charley, our man has promised four positions 
 under the city government, if we win, and you bet they'll 
 carry the day." 
 
 "All right," responded Charley ; " but I don't believe it." 
 
 Although Charley had ceased to work for the major, he 
 was not idle. His chief business however, seemed to be 
 to introduce Jonas to those of the officers with whom that 
 gentleman was not acquainted. Fortunately, Jonas did 
 know most of the officers of the Nine Hundred and First, 
 and was on very good terms with them. However, Charley 
 thought there was no harm in making Jonas still more 
 intimate with them, especially as he now desired to carry 
 out his idea. 
 
 "Jonas," Charley had said, in developing his plan to that
 
 144 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 gentleman, "the gods help those who help themselves. 
 You've been playing milksop long enough, and now I want 
 you to be something like your own self." 
 
 " I'll try," Jonas had replied ; " what do you want me to 
 do?" 
 
 " I want you to be hale-fellow-well-met with everybody in 
 the regiment." 
 
 " Very well," said Jonas. 
 
 " You can do your sighing and moaning at night, when 
 nobody can see you ; but that kind of business don't suit our 
 bold soldier boys." 
 
 So Charley went on introducing Jonas, and Jonas man- 
 fully endeavored to perform his part of the bargain, and 
 succeeded admirably, when the circumstances were con- 
 sidered. He quite kept up his spirits when he was with the 
 officers of the regiment. To be sure, it was rather hard on 
 Charley and Mrs. Becky, for he gave them the benefit of 
 most of his low spirits ; but, as they were real friends, they 
 endured that, hoping that he and they would soon be re- 
 lieved. 
 
 Still the campaign within the regiment went on, and so 
 vigorously was it conducted that, if it had lasted much 
 longer than it did, the probabilities are that the regiment 
 would have broken into pieces, and, as there is no provision 
 in the militia system of this State for asteroids, the regiment 
 would have been disbanded. 
 
 As the day of the election approached the excitement in- 
 creased. Each member fought, talked, drank, and shouted 
 valiantly for his candidate. Every officer was pledged for
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 145 
 
 some one, and the appearances of things indicated a long 
 fight. The general opinion was that the forces were nearly 
 evenly divided between the outsiders and insiders ; neither 
 party being solid for any one man. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 THE ELECTION. 
 
 AT length the important day, the day of the election, was 
 at hand. The officers all assembled in solemn conclave at 
 the armory. Solemn, I said, and that word exactly charac- 
 terized their appearances. Jokes were at a discount, story- 
 tellers could not find listeners, and a laugh was frightened 
 at its own echo. It is curious, but true, that, if your friend 
 adopts an opinion different from yours, especially in a social 
 assembly, he cannot separate himself from his opinion 
 sufficiently to meet you on the old friendly footing, until, 
 what we in this country have learned to look upon as the 
 final arbiter between opinions, the ballot-box has settled the 
 question ; then your friend forgets all your differences, and 
 you and he are one again. So it was on this occasion ; 
 everybody was as dignified and solemn as if he were pre- 
 paring himself for the position of chief mourner at same 
 first -class funeral. 
 
 As soon as the appointed hour had arrived, the meeting
 
 146 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 was called to order. Everybody glanced around the room, 
 hoping that he would find that some of the opposite side had 
 been kept away ; but everybody was disappointed, for all the 
 officers were there. 
 
 After the preliminaries had been arranged, they com- 
 menced balloting. The first ballot was taken amid the most 
 intense excitement ; then the ballots were slowly and care- 
 fully counted, and the presiding officer gravely announced 
 that there was no election. That announcement was re- 
 ceived with one universal sigh of relief; it was evident that 
 everybody had remained true to his pledge. A second 
 ballot was taken ; but, by this time, the intense excitement 
 had somewhat subsided. Again came the announcement 
 that there was no election ; and again there was a sigh of 
 relief. A third, a fourth, and a fifth vote brought precisely 
 the same result ; the figures for each candidate remained 
 invariably the same ; and the votes were so thoroughly dis- 
 tributed, that 110 one candidate had sufficient to entitle him 
 to the vacant position. The electioneering had been very 
 thoroughly and skilfully done, and there was unquestionably, 
 for this evening at least, a dead-lock. 
 
 When the result of the fifth vote had been announced, 
 there was a short halt, a sort of intermission, in the pro- 
 ceedings. Everybody wanted to wonder how long this 
 thing would continue ; and such an immense subject of 
 reflection as that required time to be properly thought out. 
 Suddenly Charley Hastrom marched from his seat to the 
 front of the room, and stood facing the officers. Everybody 
 wondered what idea had struck Charley, and expected that
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 147 
 
 he would suggest something which would arrange this 
 troublesome affair. 
 
 Silence fell on the room at that moment. Everybody was 
 attentive ; and, as soon as the eyes of all present had 
 become fixed on him, Charley spoke. 
 
 "Gentlemen," said he, "it is quite apparent that there is 
 a dead-lock here. We have taken five ballots, and they 
 have all resulted exactly alike ; and it is quite evident that 
 if we should take ten votes or an hundred votes to-night 
 the result would be invariably the same. It is further evi- 
 dent that, as we cannot arrive at any conclusion during the 
 present evening, this matter must be adjourned to another 
 meeting, in order to give the members time to think and 
 talk the affair over among themselves. Now, I've been \vith 
 you for a long time, and I believe you are all on friendly 
 terms with me " 
 
 "Three cheers for Charley," cried Lieutenant Jackson. 
 
 They were given with a will ; for the gentlemen present 
 had been quiet so long that they were ready to cheer at or 
 for anything or anybody. 
 
 "Thanks, gentlemen," said Charley. "And now I want 
 to ask a particular favor of you, a very particular favor. I 
 have a friend, you all know him, Jonas Smith. Most 
 of you know that he has for a long time been nicknamed 
 colonel. I propose briefly to tell you his story. Under 
 the name of Colonel Smith he was introduced to an English 
 colonel, who has a charming daughter, I vouch for the 
 charming, for I have seen her myself. Naturally enough 
 Jonas fell in love with the daughter, and the old gentleman.
 
 148 THE MAX WHO WAS NOT A COLOXEL. 
 
 supposing that Jonas was an ex-colonel, consented to their 
 engagement. Unfortunately, however, the old gentleman 
 found out that Jonas had never been a colonel, and, there- 
 upon, immediately invited my friend to occupy the outside 
 of the house. My friend is in despair, for the old colonel is 
 inflexible. If Jonas were entitled to wear the title of 
 colonel, he could still marry his charmer and be happy. 
 Now, as I said before, there can be no election to-night. 
 Why won't you, as a particular favor to me, and as a means 
 of helping a poor devil out of a tight place, elect my friend, 
 Jonas Smith, as colonel of the regiment to-night? He'll 
 make one pardde., and resign at the next meeting. Besides, 
 it will be a victory for neither side, for he has been with us 
 so much that he is almost one of us, and yet is not quite a 
 member. 1 wouldn't ask such an irregular thing under any 
 other circumstances, but I do hope that you'll do me this 
 favor." 
 
 " By Jove ! " said Lieutenant Jackson, as soon as Charley 
 had finished,- "it would be a shame to spoil such a love- 
 match as that." 
 
 " Well," said the lieutenant-colonel, quite promptly, "I, 
 for one, am in favor of it." 
 
 The leader of the outsiders consulted with some of his 
 most important assistants, and then, turning to Charley, 
 inquired : 
 
 " I say, Charley, if we do this who'll guarantee the resig- 
 nation ? " 
 
 " I will," replied Charley.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 149 
 
 "And I, too," added the lieutenant-colonel, who happened 
 to be a particular friend of Jonas. 
 
 " But," said Charley, " there is no necessity of any guar- 
 anty. Jonas is in the next room, and he'll sign the resig- 
 nation at once." 
 
 "Bring him in," said the leader of the outsiders. 
 
 So Jonas was brought in from one of the company rooms, 
 where he had been placed by Charley, so that they might be 
 prepared for every emergency. 
 
 "Gentlemen," said Jonas, "my friend, Charley Hastrom, 
 has said all I can say with regard to my desires much better 
 than I could have said it. I know that I, a stranger, am 
 asking a very great favor from you, but, believe me, I shall 
 remember your kindness to the day of my death." 
 
 "All right, Jonas," said the leader of the outsiders, "we'll 
 give you a helping hand." 
 
 " And now, gentlemen, to the ballot," said the lieutenant- 
 colonel, who was one of the leaders of the insiders. 
 
 Thereupon they proceeded once more to vote. When the 
 ballots had been counted, it was found that Jonas had been 
 elected unanimously. 
 
 " Three cheers for Colonel Smith ! " cried Charley. 
 
 After they had been given and had been supplemented 
 with a tiger, Jonas stepped forward. 
 
 " Gentlemen," said he, "you have done me a favor, which 
 I never shall forget. I thank you heartily for your kind- 
 ness. I am only sorry that I am not fit to be your colonel, 
 in earnest. However, you have given me the title, and now,
 
 150 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 if the secretary will draw up a resignation, to take effect at 
 the next meeting, I'll sign it at once." 
 
 " Bother the resignation ! " said the leader of the outsiders. 
 "We'll take your word that you'll hand that in when we 
 want it. Meanwhile you'll be our colonel until we succeed 
 in agreeing, a little better than we have to-night, on the 
 person we want as your successor." 
 
 "Be careful, Jonas," said the lieutenant-colonel, "that you 
 don't bring down ruin on the regiment." 
 
 "If I do," said Jonas, " depose me at once." 
 
 "Well, gentlemen," said the leader of the outsiders, "is 
 that arrangement satisfactory to all of you ? " 
 
 "Hurrah for Colonel Smith ! " shouted some one. 
 
 And hurrah for Colonel Smith was the answer to the 
 question. 
 
 "I guess it's satisfactory," said the lieutenant-colonel, 
 laughing. 
 
 "And now, gentlemen," said the new colonel, "if you'll 
 come around to Delmonico's with me, we'll toast the Xirie 
 Hundred and First." 
 
 Delmonico's had seldom seen a jollier crowd than it did 
 that night, and the jolliest of the party was the late despair- 
 ing Jonas Smith.
 
 TUB MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 151 
 
 CHAPTEE XXXII. 
 
 COLONEL WITHERS ON THE WAR-PATH. 
 
 SOME chapters back we left Colonel Withers in his wagon, 
 driving down the road as if life depended on his speed. I 
 admit that I have not treated that veteran warrior with the 
 respect due to his years, in thus leaving him, apparently on 
 an endless drive, for so long a period of time ; but what can 
 an author do? It happens in books, as it does in life, that 
 one is compelled to go on with the work in hand, and after- 
 wards go back and pick up the loose threads. Besides, you 
 must admit that introducing the Nine Hundred and First into 
 this little work was quite a serious undertaking, and it be- 
 hooved the author, after he had once taken it in hand, to 
 finish it up properly. But let us return to our colonel we 
 have neglected. 
 
 When Colonel Withers left his house, as we have de- 
 scribed in a former chapter, he urged his horse along at a 
 high rate of speed for a mile or two. He had resolved to do 
 something, and, like all ardent natures, he was anxious to 
 finish it as speedily as possible. The doctor's words had 
 frightened him terribly, and he had rushed off without con- 
 sidering thoroughly the work he had in hand. After he
 
 152 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 had cooled off a little, however, he began to reflect that he 
 was about to make himself ridiculous. 
 
 "What," he thought, "after saying again and again, that, 
 under no circumstances, would I allow my daughter to 
 marry a civilian, am I about to throw her at one ? " 
 
 The horse was allowed to drop to a much more moderate 
 gait than the one at which he had been started. 
 
 " Can I," he thought, "an old soldier, humiliate myself 
 to this young man, and beg him on my knees to marry my 
 daughter ? " 
 
 That had seemed easy enough when the words of the doc- 
 tor were ringing in his ears, but now it appeared terrible. 
 
 The horse had meanwhile dropped to a walk. 
 
 The more he thought of it the more humiliating it seemed, 
 and the more impossible for him to perform the act. 
 
 " What the deuce will the major say ? " ejaculated the poor 
 colonel. 
 
 That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He 
 drew up the reins, turned the horse's head around, and 
 started for his home. He had gone but a short distance, 
 however, when the doctor's words began to ring in his ears 
 once more, and visions of his daughter in her misery began 
 to float before his eyes. Those were too much for him. 
 
 " Confound the major ! " muttered he. 
 
 Then he shut his teeth tight together, turned the horse's 
 head once more, and drove without a stop to the house 
 where Jonas resided. 
 
 Now T , it must be admitted, that, for a proud man, Colonel 
 Withers had a very unpleasant job on hand. He had driven
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 153 
 
 Jonas from his house, had informed that young gentleman 
 that under no circumstances could he ever marry Kitty ; and 
 now, he was compelled to go to Jonas, and beg him to 
 marry Miss Kitty. Remember, too, that he did not know 
 the state of Jonas's mind. He, of course, did not dream- 
 that Jonas was in despair at the loss of the girl he loved. 
 The horrible thought, "Suppose Jonas, driven from my 
 house, has met with some other young ^ damsel, who has 
 taken the place of Kitty in his affection," darted through his 
 mind. Then, contrary to the rules of the Society for the 
 Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, the colonel expressed his 
 fear by whipping his horse, just for all the world as if the 
 few minutes' time that he would thus make, would prevent 
 Jonas from entangling himself with some young woman 
 other than Kitty. 
 
 Finally, quite late in the evening, the colonel reached the 
 boarding-house at which Jonas resided. He strode up the 
 steps, and pulled the bell viciously. Luckily, the landlady 
 herself had not yet retired; probably, with the aid of the 
 complete cook-book, she was compounding some of those 
 mysterious dishes which so astonish the casual visitor at a 
 boarding-house. She opened the door, and looked at the 
 colonel in astonishment. 
 
 " Madame," shouted he, " does Mr. Jonas Smith reside in 
 this house ? " 
 
 "Yes," blandly replied the landlady. 
 
 "Then I want to see him at once." 
 
 " I'm sorry to say that he is not at home."
 
 154 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 " Xot at home ! " echoed the colonel, quite taken aback. 
 That possibility had not entered into his calculations. 
 
 "Where is he, then?" cried the colonel, when he had 
 recovered from his astonishment. 
 
 " I don't know," replied the landlady ; " but you can come 
 in and wait for him." 
 
 " Wait ! " shouted the colonel. " Do I look as if I could 
 wait for him or anybody ? " 
 
 "You can call to-morrow, if you prefer," responded she. 
 
 " To-ruorrow be hanged ! " exclaimed he. " Madame, I'll 
 come in and wait." 
 
 So she showed him into the parlor, and left him there to 
 await Jonas' return. 
 
 Here was a pretty mess for the colonel. He had worked 
 himself up to the point where he was walling to humiliate 
 himself, but he had not in the least counted upon any diffi- 
 culty, such as not being able to find Jonas at home. Be- 
 sides, his resolution was waning ; he felt that if he did not 
 do the work on that night, and before the heat of his excite- 
 ment had passed away, he would never do it. He walked 
 up and down the floor unceasingly, just for all the world as 
 if chairs had never been invented. Then he made trips to 
 the front door, in order to see whether, by peering up and 
 down the street, he could discern Jonas approaching. 
 The poor landlady was too frightened to go to bed ; sho 
 feared that she had admitted a madman, and only tho 
 recollection that she had three male boarders in the house 
 prevented her from shouting lustily for the police. At 
 length the colonel went to the head of the basement stairs
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 155 
 
 and called the landlady ; she approached him with fear and 
 trembling. 
 
 "Madame," said he, "don't you know when Mr. Smith 
 will return ? " 
 
 "No, sir," responded she. 
 
 " Nor where he has gone ? " 
 
 "No, sir." 
 
 " Where does he usually go ? " 
 
 "Perhaps he's at Mr. Hastrom's," suggested she. 
 
 "Where's that?" asked the colonel, quickly. 
 
 She gave him the address, and locked the door after him 
 with great pleasure. The colonel drove rapidly to Charley 
 Hastrom's house. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 NEGOTIATIONS. 
 
 THE little trip of Colonel Withers occurred on the night 
 of the election. 
 
 When the party at Delmonico's broke up, Jonas was 
 delightfully full, if such a qualification can be predicated of 
 such a condition ; so Charley took his new colonel in charge, 
 and escorted him to his, Charley's home. Mrs. Becky was 
 waiting for Charley, and, as soon as he saw that little lady, 
 Jonas shouted :
 
 156 THE MAN WHO AVAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Hurrah ! Why don't you hurrah, Mrs. Hastrom? Why 
 don't you hurrah, Charley?" 
 
 " Well, hurrah !" said Charley, "and now let me take you 
 to bed." 
 
 So Charley saw Jonas safely in bed, and then returned to 
 Mrs. Becky. 
 
 When Charley reached his room, Mrs. Becky looked 
 quite mournful. 
 
 "Oh, don't be doleful, my dear," cried Charley, "it really 
 couldn't have been helped." 
 
 " But I'm ashamed of you, Charley, for allowing Jonas to 
 get in that condition." 
 
 " My dear," responded Charley, " all the saints, this side 
 of heaven, couldn't have kept him straight to-night, and I 
 must say that I can't blame him much, for we've done a big 
 thing to-night." 
 
 " Then you succeeded ? " asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Fully," said Charley. 
 
 "And the colonel," said Mrs. Becky, "of the Nine 
 Hundred and First is " 
 
 "Upstairs, in bed," interrupted Charley. 
 
 "Tell me all about it," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 So Charley told to her the events of the evening in as 
 brief a manner as he could. 
 
 Hardly had he finished his recital when the door-bell 
 rang. Charley hastened to the door, as the servants had 
 retired, and confronted Colonel Withers, who shouted, 
 rather than asked : 
 
 " Where's Mr. Hastrom ? "
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 157 
 
 Charley modestly suggested that he was that individual, 
 and then, recognizing, in the darkness, Colonel Withers, he 
 exclaimed : 
 
 " My dear colonel, I'm delighted to see you. Come in." 
 
 Then he led him into the sitting-room, where Mrs. Becky 
 at once chimed in : 
 
 "Why, colonel, I'm pleased to see you here; you have 
 always treated us as strangers before." 
 
 The colonel simply glared at them. He was enraged, 
 terribly enraged. He had been prepared to humiliate 
 himself, but he had not been prepared to find so many 
 difficulties thrown in the way of his unpleasant task. 
 Waiting at the house where Jonas boarded had not im- 
 proved his temper, and on the way to Charley's house he 
 had almost lashed himself into fury. He did not notice the 
 salutations of Charley and Mrs. Becky, but jerked out : 
 
 "Where's Mr. Smith?" 
 
 Charley winked at his wife, so that she might follow his 
 lead. 
 
 "Ah, poor fellow," sighed Charley ; " he's in bed ! " 
 
 Mrs. Becky sighed profoundly. 
 
 " Sick ? " asked the colonel, now somewhat frightened. 
 
 " Out of his head," replied Charley, dolefully. 
 
 "What makes you think so?" inquired the colonel, 
 eagerly. 
 
 "His talk." 
 
 "Yes," added Mrs. Becky, "his queer remarks." 
 
 " What does he say ? " asked the colonel, in surprise.
 
 158 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 " Says he will never marry your daughter," said Mrs. 
 Becky, solemnly. 
 
 " The deuce he won't ! " interrupted the colonel. 
 
 "Until he's a colonel, which is the same thing, I sup- 
 pose," added Charley. 
 
 " Until he's a colonel ! " ejaculated Colonel Withers. 
 " How can he become a colonel ? " 
 
 "He's going to Egypt to serve in the Khedive's army," 
 replied Charley. 
 
 " But I've come to ask him to marry my daughter now," 
 said the colonel. 
 
 "Too late, my dear colonel," said Charley, winking at his 
 wife. "He's very obstinate, and he's positively made up his 
 mind that he will not marry your daughter until he has 
 become a colonel." 
 
 "Unless he should die in the mean time," added Mrs. 
 Becky, sighing heavily. 
 
 "Can I see him?" asked the colonel. 
 
 " Oh, dear no," said Mrs. Becky. " The doctor would not 
 allow that." 
 
 " But he won't die ? " urged the colonel. 
 
 "He's pretty sure to die," responded Charley, adding, for 
 the sake of his conscience, sotto voce, "when his time comes." 
 
 " I'm an old fool," said the colonel. " I'll kill my daughter 
 and her lover,' too, with my nonsense." 
 
 "Ah! "sighed Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "We'll tell him what you say, in his first lucid interval," 
 said Charley, in a solemn tone. " Perhaps that will be the 
 means of his recovery." 

 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 159 
 
 "And what shall I say to Kitty?" asked the old colonel, 
 as he dropped into a chair and buried his face in his hands. 
 "Poor Kitty!" exclaimed he. "How she will hate her 
 father ! " 
 
 Mrs. Becky started forward, as if about to tell the colonel 
 all about their plot. The sorrow of the old man had touched 
 her heart, and she could not bear to see him go away so 
 broken down. Charley, however, seized her wrist, and, 
 stepping forward, placed his hand on the colonel's shoulder, 
 and replied : 
 
 " Tell her, colonel, what you have done to-night. She 
 will love you then, whatever may happen. Tell her, alsoj 
 that I have not the least doubt that, when Jonas is informed 
 that he can marry Kitty, he will recover rapidly." 
 
 "But have you no doubt?" asked the colonel, eagerly. 
 
 "Not the slightest." 
 
 " I'll guarantee it, colonel," said Mrs. Becky, a tear shining 
 in her eye. 
 
 "Thank you, sir," said the colonel, quite gently, as he 
 pressed Charley's hand; "and you, too, madame. I'll tell 
 Kitty what you say." 
 
 "And she'll get well at once, you can rest assured," said 
 Charley. 
 
 Then the colonel left them, and drove to his home at a 
 much slower rate of speed than that which he had adopted 
 on his way down, much, no doubt, to the delight of his 
 horse. 
 
 As soon as he had left the house, Mrs. Becky commenced 
 to reproach Charley.
 
 160 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Now, Charley," urged she, "you should have told him. 
 See how he suffered." 
 
 " And he ought to suffer," responded Charley. " He made 
 Jonas and his daughter miserable, and he ought to pay for 
 that amusement. It's well enough as it stands, and let's to 
 bed." 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 CHARLEY'S PLOT. 
 
 AT the breakfast-table, on the following morning, Charley 
 developed his plan of the campaign. 
 
 "Jonas," said he, "I suppose you will admit that you owe 
 something to me for the success of our little game last 
 night." 
 
 "I owe everything to you, Charley," replied Jonas. 
 
 ''Well," inquired Charley, "is your gratitude extensive 
 enough to enable you to consent to keep away from your 
 charmer for three days ? " 
 
 "I must do that, in any event, I suppose," replied Jonas. 
 
 " How do you propose to manage it ? " asked Charley. 
 
 "Write to Colonel Withers, inform him that I am a 
 colonel, and request him to allow me to enjoy once more the 
 society of Kitty." 
 
 " Now, if I'll agree to have ,the whole thing arranged
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLOXEL. 161 
 
 within five days, will you allow me to manage the whole 
 affair?" 
 
 "I'll be eternally obliged to you," replied Jonas. 
 
 "And you'll agree not to see Kitty or Colonel Withers 
 during that time, and not to inform them of your promo- 
 tion ? " 
 
 " Certainly," replied Jonas. 
 
 " Remember," said Charley, " I have your promise, and 
 now you had better stop at your tailor's, and order your 
 uniform for the parade on Thursday. You must cut a decent 
 figure there, or my reputation will be lost." 
 
 After Jonas had departed, Charley continued to develop 
 his plot. 
 
 ''Becky," said he, " get some pens, ink and paper." 
 
 "Why," said Mrs. Becky, "there they are in the writing- 
 desk, in the other room." 
 
 "Well," said Charley, "let's go in there then, for I want 
 you to write a letter." 
 
 Mrs. Becky sat down at the desk, and prepared herself to 
 write at Charley's dictation. 
 
 " Are you ready ? " asked he. 
 
 Mrs. Becky nodded her head, and Charley began: 
 
 " My dear Kitty " 
 
 Mrs. Becky looked up in astonishment. 
 
 "Well, but, Becky, you are writing it," said Charley. 
 
 " But who is to sign it? " asked she. 
 
 "Why, you, of course. You're her correspondent." 
 
 "Oh, very well," said Mrs. Becky, as she wrote, "My 
 dear Kitty." "I would visit you at your house,,"" continued
 
 162 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 he, "instead of writing to you, if it were possible ; but the 
 truth is that I must get my new bonnet ready for Sunday " 
 
 "I won't write that," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "Why not?" inquired Charley. 
 
 " Because you know perfectly well that I never make my 
 own hats." 
 
 " By Jove ! so I do," exclaimed Charley. 
 
 "And do you suppose," continued Mrs. Becky, "that I 
 am going to say to another woman that I do ? " 
 
 "Well," said Charley, "that's a refinement of female 
 human nature that I had not yet explored. However, there 
 must be some excuse." 
 
 "Then invent a decent one," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "I suppose," said Charley, "we must put it on the help, as 
 usual . Write , f but the truth is , that the change of help is ' " 
 
 " But we have not changed," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "How the mischief is she to know that?" explained 
 Charley. " She doesn't know anything about matrimonial 
 affairs. Why, she didn't even know what a fellow ought to 
 do on a honeymoon trip." 
 
 " Still she may find out," urged Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "My dear," said Charley, "you seldom go amiss when 
 you presume on the ignorance of the people to whom you 
 write. It is a lamentable fact, but the amount of ignorance 
 which exists among the people to whom we send our letters 
 is heart-rending. Now go on and add, f l cannot leave 
 the house. I particularly wish, however, that you would 
 be on Union Square, in front of Tiffany's, on Thursday, at 
 three o'clock ' "
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL, 163 
 
 "What for?" interrupted Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "The regiment parades there then," replied Charley, 
 sententiously. 
 
 t: And you mean " asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Exactly," replied Charley. 
 
 Mrs. Becky rubbed her hands in delight. 
 
 " You think it's a good plan, then ? " asked Charley. 
 
 "It's capital," replied Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "Go on, then," said Charley, "'with your father. 
 Wait there for me at least half an hour ; and, if a regiment 
 should pass, notice it particularly, for I want you to tell me 
 how you like Charley's neAV uniform. Now, don't fail to be 
 there, with your father.' You can emphasize father," said 
 Charley. 
 
 "Eh?" said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "Draw a line under it," said Charley, walking up to Mrs. 
 Becky, and looking over her shoulder. " Why, bless me ! " 
 continued he, "you have drawn a line under every word 
 except the conjunctions." 
 
 "That's exactly as all women write," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "How the mischief do you call attention to anything 
 important then ? " asked Charley. 
 
 "Put it in a postscript," said Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "Well," said Charley, "add ' J. S. particularly wishes 
 this.'" 
 
 "Is that all?" asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " Of course," replied Charley. " That last sentence will do 
 the work. You can rely on that."
 
 164 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 So the letter was signed and sealed, and Charley took it 
 to post. - . 
 
 Charley chuckled all day over the little plot which he had 
 worked out in his head, and was full of it when he returned 
 home in the afternoon. 
 
 "I tell you, Becky," said he, at dinner, "we'll get lots of 
 fun out of this little game. How the colonel will open his 
 eyes ! " 
 
 " But what am I to do ? " asked Becky. 
 
 "Well, my dear," responded Charley, "you will prepare 
 a particularly good dinner, for I have noticed that when 
 lovers come out of the despairing mood they are particularly 
 hungry. It seems as if they were endeavoring to make up 
 for lost time. You can rely upon it that Miss Kitty and 
 Jonas will make your larder suffer on that occasion." 
 
 " Is that all ? " asked Mrs. Becky ; " because I have a vague 
 idea that I would have known enough to have done that 
 without instructions ? " 
 
 " By no means," said Charley. " You must then go up to 
 Union Square, take the colonel and his daughter prisoners, 
 and bring them here." 
 
 "And you? " asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 " I'll take care to bring in a prisoner with me ; and now 
 the plan of the campaign is marked out."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 165 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 THE BEGINNING OF THE END. 
 
 ON the morning following the day on which he had visited 
 the Hastroms, the colonel was in a much more cheerful 
 frame of mind than he had been for some days. He had 
 performed his unpleasant work, and yet had not been com- 
 pelled to meet Colonel Smith, as he still called him in his 
 mind. He had told the Hastroms of the change in his in- 
 tentions, and they would tell Jonas, so that, when he met 
 the latter gentleman, the edge of the thing would have been 
 taken off. Naturally then he felt cheerful, and, when Kitty 
 entered the dining-room, he greeted her quite gayly. Kitty, 
 however, was too listless to feel or express any astonishment, 
 and so she sat down to the breakfast-table after merely say- 
 ing " Good-morning." 
 
 " By the way, Kitty," said the colonel, " I called on one 
 of your friends yesterday." 
 
 "Did you, papa?" asked she, languidly. 
 
 "Oh, well," said he, with pretended indifference, "if you 
 don't care to hear about my call, I won't worry you with the 
 details of it." 
 
 "Go on, papa, if you wish," said she, smiling.
 
 166 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 "Oh, there's nothing more of it," answered he, "except 
 that I called on one of your particular friends." 
 
 "Who was it, papa?" asked she, willing to humor him. 
 
 "Mr. Jonas Smith." 
 
 "What, papa ?" inquired she, quite roused from her list- 
 lessness, " you called on " 
 
 "Mr. Jonas Smith," interrupted he. 
 
 " But, papa ! " 
 
 "Oh, I know," interrupted the colonel, "that I gave him 
 some particular information, not long ago ; but, then, you see 
 Kitty, I've changed my mind." 
 
 "O papa!" cried she, springing up and clasping her 
 arms around his neck, "and now " 
 
 "And now," added the colonel, "he can marry you as 
 soon as he pleases, that is to say, as soon as he can." 
 
 "But how did he look, and what did he say, when you 
 told him ? " urged Kitty. 
 
 "Ah, yes. How did he look? By the way, though, 
 Kitty, I didn't see him," responded the colonel, in some con- 
 fusion. 
 
 " Didn't see him ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 "But, papa, I thought you told him that " 
 
 " Oh, I told the Hastroms to tell him. The truth is, he 
 was slightly indisposed, a little under the weather." 
 
 " Then I ought to go to him at once," said Kitty. 
 
 "Oh, no," said the colonel. "There's no necessity for 
 that; he'll probably be up here to-morrow. In the mean 
 time, I'll drop down and see him."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 167 
 
 " Now you are iny good father again," cried Kitty, as she 
 kissed him heartily. 
 
 "Did Kitty suppose, then, that I'd refuse her anything, 
 that she wanted so badly ? " 
 
 " It looked like it, papa." 
 
 " Ahern ! Ah, yes, perhaps it did ; but then, looks are very 
 deceitful. And now you'll be my old Kitty once more ? " 
 
 "Oh, won't I, papa?" 
 
 About noon, at the urgent solicitation of Kitty, the colonel 
 went down town and called on Mrs. Hastrom. That lady 
 steered very near the edge of the truth in order to save 
 Charley's plot. However, she assured the colonel that Jonas 
 was very much improved, infinitely better than he had been 
 on the previous evening, and that she thought that, by 
 Thursday or Friday, he would be able to go out. Of course 
 she insisted that he could not be seen just then. 
 
 It was fortunate for Charley's plot that Colonel Withers 
 did not take it into his head to call at the boarding-place of 
 Jonas ; but, as the colonel had found Jonas at Charley's 
 house and had been informed that he was confined to his bed 
 there, he supposed of course that Jonas was still there. 
 
 The colonel reported the good news at home, and found 
 Kitty a changed girl. She went about the house singing 
 once more. Looking after the household became once more 
 a pleasure, instead of a burden, and she met her father with 
 the old, gay light in her eyes, and the old, bright words on 
 her lips. 
 
 "Well," mused the colonel, "who would have thought it? 
 Why, the girl's metamorphosed ! She must be terribly fond
 
 168 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 of Smith, if the loss of him can work such a change in her. 
 I wonder if I was in that sort of a boat when I was young. 
 I suppose I must have been, I suppose I must have been." 
 
 During the afternoon Kitty received the mysterious letter 
 which had been concocted at the Hastrom mansion. It was 
 certainly incomprehensible to her, but, just as Charley had 
 said, when she read the cabalistic words, " J. S. wishes it," 
 she resolved to carry out the instructions contained in the 
 letter. She fancied that it was a pleasant surprise for her, 
 planned by Mrs. Hastrom, and that that lady intended in 
 some way to bring her and Jonas together. 
 
 Of course, after having been deprived for so long a time 
 of the pleasure of Jonas' society, Kitty would have Mked very 
 much to have seen him ; but still women are patient and long- 
 suffering, and, as on the following day, she received a note 
 from Mrs. Hastrom, in which she was informed that Jonas 
 was up and would call on her certainly by Friday, she kept 
 up her spirits amazingly. 
 
 "Papa," said she, on that day, "will you take me to town 
 to-morrow afternoon?" 
 
 " Why, of course," responded the colonel ; " where do you 
 wish to go ? " 
 
 "To Union Square, to see the Nine Hundred and First 
 parade," responded she. 
 
 " I shall not object to that sight myself," said the colonel, 
 delighted to find that Kitty was once more taking an interest 
 in the things that were going on around her ; ff and that will 
 be a good opportunity to call on Mrs. Hastrom and inquire 
 about Jonas."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 169 
 
 Kitty looked her thanks. 
 
 It was rather a cruel trick that Charley was playing on 
 Jonas. Had Jonas dreamed for a moment that Colonel 
 Withers had removed his injunction, he would have flown to 
 Kitty's side. As it was, however, he kept his promise to 
 Charley, and looked forward to the coming Thursday as a 
 day which was to end his misery in some shape or other, 
 though Charley had not explained his plot to him sufficiently 
 to enable him to foresee the real happiness that was in store 
 for him on that auspicious occasion. 
 
 If the reader has followed the foregoing statements with 
 any care, he must have observed that the interest of this 
 story is centred in the coming Thursday, and that all the 
 persons who have been introduced herein are looking for- 
 ward to that day eagerly. 
 
 The Nine Hundred and First, as the day of its annual 
 parade. 
 
 Jonas Smith, as the day, which, somehow or other, was 
 to unite him once more to the woman of his heart. 
 
 Kitty Withers, as the day on which she was to see, or 
 at least be under the same roof with, Jonas. 
 
 Charley Hastrom, as the day for the development of his 
 plot. 
 
 Colonel Withers, as the day which was to reiuaugurate in 
 Kitty an interest in things of this world. 
 
 And Mrs. Becky, as the day which was to witness the 
 crowning specimens of her skill in the culinary art.
 
 170 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 THE VERITABLE COLONEL SMITH. 
 
 MEANWHILE, the gallant Nine Hundred and First was 
 making great preparation for the parade. It was quite im- 
 portant that it should be a successful one, for two reasons : 
 first, they were for the first time to exhibit their new 
 uniforms ; and, second, a regiment from Connecticut had 
 lately paraded down Broadway, and had almost shaken the 
 throne of the Nine Hundred and First. The members of 
 the regiment were somewhat afraid that their new colonel 
 would not do them much honor ; yet, as the lieutenant- 
 colonel promised to keep his eyes open, and to give Jonas 
 such hints as might be necessary, they hoped that they 
 would get through the day successfully. Jonas, however, 
 was resolved that the regiment should not suffer through his 
 neglect, and so he devoted all his time to his new office, 
 and, with the aid of Charley and the lieutenant-colonel, he 
 crammed himself as well as he could for the occasion. 
 
 At length the important Thursday arrived. The day was 
 a delightful one, just such a day as one would select for a 
 parade. It was just warm enough to save the soldiers from 
 the necessity of carrying their overcoats, and yet not so
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 171 
 
 warm as to make marching unpleasant ; a light breeze was 
 blowing, and the streets were uncommonly clean. The 
 members of the regiment were in fine spirits, and every- 
 thing betokened a successful parade. 
 
 Jonas looked grand. He was a fine, big, manly fellow ; 
 his uniform fitted him admirably ; he was mounted on a 
 black horse, of high spirits and fine appearance, and, as he 
 was a capital rider, he quite impressed his subordinates. 
 When the regiment was ready to start, Jonas dashed along 
 their flank and placed himself at their head. The lines 
 were dressed, and then Jonas gave the word of command. 
 As they started, Charley said to Jonas, "I say, colonel, keep 
 your eyes open at Union Square." 
 
 What a sight a regiment parading down the avenue is ! 
 Stretching from curb to curb an unbroken line of men, so 
 true in movement of body and of foot as to seem almost 
 mechanical, and marching grandly down, as if there was 
 nothing that could terrify them, a regiment 'is a glorious 
 sight. No wonder that the uniform finds its way at once to 
 bright maidens' hearts. I, who have been oft deprived of a 
 fair one's company by means of a set of brass buttons swoop- 
 ing down upon her and carrying her off, admit that it is not to 
 be wondered at. If I were a maiden fair myself, I really 
 believe that I should strike my flag at once to the first pair 
 of epaulettes that did me the honor to sit down before my 
 heart. 
 
 To a lively air the regiment paraded down Fifth Avenue 
 to Twenty-third Street, and thence down Broadway to Um'on 
 Square. Jonas did not know what Charley meant by his
 
 172 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 hint, but you may be sure that he kept his eyes wide open, 
 and he saw Kilty and her father standing on the sidewalk. 
 Jonas raised his hat gravely, as if responding to a cheer 
 which had then greeted the regiment from the houses ; but 
 his eyes met those of Kitty, and she knew that the salute 
 was intended solely for her. 
 
 " Papa," exclaimed she, " look there ! " 
 
 "Well," replied he, good-naturedly, "I am looking." 
 
 "But see their colonel, papa." 
 
 "He does look familiar," said he, as he put on his glasses. 
 " By Jove, Kitty, it's Jonas Smith ! " 
 
 "Yes, papa," replied she, smiling up in his face. 
 
 " The clever rogue ! " chuckled the colonel. 
 
 "Yes, papa," assented Kitty, promptly. 
 
 "And I needn't have troubled myself, it seems, to offer 
 you to him." 
 
 " Apparently not, papa ; for now he's a real colonel, and 
 you can't object." 
 
 "By Jove, Kitty," said the colonel, "our friend, the 
 colonel, must be awfully fond of you." 
 
 " Thank you, papa," replied she, demurely. 
 
 "And he deserves you, Kitty." 
 
 "I always thought so, papa." 
 
 "You mean I didn't?" 
 
 Kitty shook her head affirmatively as she laughed at him. 
 
 " Well, well," said the colonel, " we are all liable to make 
 mistakes, and I have repented." 
 
 "You couldn't conveniently turn around and notice a
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 173 
 
 friend, could you, colonel?" asked a person who was stand- 
 ing behind Colonel Withers. 
 
 The colonel turned around and greeted Mrs. Hastrom, 
 and Kitty also shook hands with her heartily. 
 
 "Did you see the regiment?" asked Mrs. Hastrom. 
 
 "Yes," replied Kitty, promptly. 
 
 Now the truth is that she couldn't have told whether a 
 regiment or a company had passed by ; in fact, it's doubtful 
 whether she saw more than one man. 
 
 " And did you see my husband? " asked Mrs. Becky. 
 
 "No," replied Kitty, slowly. 
 
 "Well, "said Mrs. Becky, laughing, "under the circum- 
 stances I forgive you ; and now you must both of you come 
 right home and dine with me, and see Charley there." 
 
 "Oh, by the way, colonel," added she, turning to Colonel 
 Withers, " perhaps you object to meeting Colonel Smith." 
 
 " Not a bit," said the colonel. " Do we, Kitty? " 
 
 " Not a bit," replied she, gayly. 
 
 " Well, then, come right along," added Mrs. Hastrom ; 
 " for if there is anything that Charley and Colonel Smith 
 dislike, it is a cold dinner, though they will be late." 
 
 " And I quite agree with them," said Colonel Withers ; 
 " so hurry us as much as you please." 
 
 So the colonel and his daughter went home with Mrs. 
 Hastrom, and there awaited the return of the bold soldier 
 boys. Mrs. Hastrom kept her eye on the cook, Kitty gave 
 some of her old-time songs in the parlor, and the colonel 
 went to the library and amused himself with the books and 
 engravings.
 
 174 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVH. 
 
 TRUE LOVE DOES RUN SMOOTH. 
 
 IN due time Charley returned home, bringing with him 
 the new colonel. Charley had received his instructions in 
 the morning from Mrs. Becky, and so, as he passed along, 
 he shunted off Jonas, as it were, into the parlor, and went 
 on to the dining-room himself. Thus the meeting of the 
 two lovers was witnessed only by themselves. They had 
 a thousand things to tell each other, and they mingled their 
 information with so many endearing expressions, and kisses, 
 and embraces, that they got along very slowly, though prob- 
 ably quite satisfactorily. Mrs. Hastrom gave them as much 
 time as she could, but presently the inexorable dinner 
 demanded their presence. 
 
 Finally Mrs. Hastrom, followed by Charley and Colonel. 
 Withers, entered the parlor. They found Jonas and Kitty 
 sitting hand in hand, and gazing fondly on each other. 
 
 " Could you take a short adjournment for dinner ? " inquired 
 Mrs. Hastrom. 
 
 "Especially as we are short of spoons," added Charley. 
 
 Then Colonel Withers chimed in : 
 
 "I'm delighted to see you, Colonel Smith," and shook 
 hands heartily with Jonas.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 175 
 
 "Then you withdraw your objections?" asked Jonas. 
 
 "You've compelled me to do so," responded the colonel. 
 "It was a clever trick, my boy ; and, by and by, we'll drink 
 a bumper to Colonel Jonas Smith." 
 
 And they did drink a bumper to Colonel Jonas Smith, 
 and had a very merry dinner. The old colonel was in high 
 good-humor, and Kitty and Jonas had quite recovered their 
 spirits. It is needless to say that Charley was in his ele- 
 ment. The bad jokes that were got off at that dinner-table 
 would have made Joe Miller's hair stand on end, if he could 
 have been resuscitated ; the atrocious puns that were perpe- 
 trated would have startled even Lord Dundreary himself; 
 yet those people enjoyed themselves hugely. 
 
 What an evening they passed afterwards ! Jonas always 
 looked upon it as the happiest night of his life. Kitty was 
 in high spirits, and sang as merrily as a lark. Even the old 
 colonel joined in the mirth most heartily, and Avas so en- 
 grossed in amusing himself that he forgot that he was 
 keeping unconscionable hours. Finally, however, after he 
 had kept his carriage waiting at the door more than an hour, 
 he insisted upon going home. But even then Jonas could 
 not bear to part from Kitty, and he begged the colonel to 
 give him a seat in his carriage, for a part of the way, at least. 
 
 "All the way, my boy, if you wish," responded the colo- 
 nel, heartily. "I haven't treated you very well, and I'm 
 willing to make up for that, if I can." 
 
 So Jonas rode home with Kitty, and, as the colonel fell 
 asleep almost as soon as they had rolled off of the stones, 
 Jonas and Kitty had a very pleasant chat. When they
 
 176 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 reached Kitty's home, the colonel urged Jonas to stay all 
 night, but Jonas refused. 
 
 "Well," said the colonel, "I'll send the man back with 
 you." 
 
 "No," said Jonas, "I'm going to walk." 
 
 "What," exclaimed the colonel, "all the way?" 
 
 '"Yes," responded Jonas. "This is the happiest night of 
 my life, and I want to think it out." 
 
 "And make some good resolutions for the future, I sup- 
 pose," said the colonel. 
 
 "I hope so," said Jonas. 
 
 And so, after a good-night to Kitty, Jonas departed. 
 
 Jonas took up his >old-time position in the house once 
 more, and Kitty was perfectly happy. Lovers proverbially 
 find happiness in the merest bagatelles, and Jonas and 
 Kitty in nowise differed from other lovers. The slightest 
 pleasure enjoyed in each other's society became enhanced 
 tenfold. Just as an experiment I tell you this in the 
 utmost confidence I am going some time or other to fall 
 head-over-ears in love, that is, if I can find any charming 
 young female who will assist me in the business. Alas ! 
 that, in order to do so, I must dye the gray hairs that will 
 struggle in among my black ones, and must assume the airs 
 of youth. Nevertheless, in the cause of science if there 
 be such a thing as a science of love I have resolved to 
 sacrifice myself, and, when I have sufficiently recovered, 
 I'll write for you, my dear reader, a new " confessio 
 amantis."
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 177 
 
 One day, when Jonas was at the house, the colonel was 
 particularly jocular. 
 
 "Look here, colonel," said he, "aren't you tolerably tired 
 of playing lover ? " 
 
 " Certainly not," responded Jonas. 
 
 "Nor you, Kitty, of having a lover? " 
 
 "Not unless you intend. to impose Lieutenant Mackenzie 
 upon me," responded Kitty, gayly. 
 
 " That reminds me," said the colonel ; "I must call on the 
 major. Well," continued he, "I'm tired of having you 
 play lovers, and I insist upon your being married at once." 
 
 " The sooner the better," said Jonas, laughing. 
 
 "What do you say to that, Kitty?" asked her father. 
 
 "Whenever Jonas wishes," replied she, placing her hand 
 in that of Jonas. 
 
 "All right," said the colonel; "then I'll take command, 
 and I direct that Colonel Jonas Smith take charge of the 
 fortress, Kitty Withers, on Wednesday, the 25th instant." 
 
 " Three weeks ! " gasped Kitty. " I don't believe I can 
 get ready, papa." 
 
 "As the Mahommedans say, 'What is written, is written.' 
 The general orders have been- given, and no one can disobey 
 them under the penalty " 
 
 " Of what ? " asked Jonas. 
 
 " Of having the wedding postponed for a year," solemnly 
 replied the colonel. 
 
 "Kitty ! " said Jonas, looking at her eagerly. 
 
 " Oh, I'll try," responded she hastily, " and I've no doubt 
 
 that I can get ready." 
 12
 
 178 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 " I thought," muttered the colonel, as he turned away, 
 "that that sort of punishment would settle the business." 
 
 Then he chuckled immensely, during the rest of the day, 
 over the way in which he had put it. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVm. 
 
 THE COLONEL VISITS THE MA JOE. 
 
 WHEN the colonel had taken that memorable ride to the 
 residence of Jonas, one of his most painful reflections had 
 been what the major would think about it. Only a short time 
 before he had announced boldly to the major that, under no 
 circumstances, would he permit his daughter to marry a 
 civilian ; and there he was, on his way to beg a civilian to 
 marry his daughter. The worst of it was that he knew that 
 the major, under the same circumstances, would have acted 
 differently. The major would have kept his resolution, if 
 the girl had died. And what jokes, gibes, and unpleasant 
 remarks the major would make at his expense ! All these 
 thoughts passed through the colonel's mind during that 
 memorable ride, and made him decidedly uncomfortable. 
 However, the colonel resolved that he would avoid the 
 major, and thus escape explanations. To-be sure, that 
 would be unpleasant for the colonel; but then, what else 
 could he do under the circumstances ?
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 179 
 
 Now, however, the colonel was jubilant. There was no 
 necessity for hiding his head in shame in the major's pres- 
 ence. His daughter was to marry the man she loved, and 
 that man was not a civilian. So delighted was the colonel 
 with the present condition of affairs, that he resolved one 
 morning to go down town and call upon the major. 
 
 " Kitty," said he, "have you any message for the major? " 
 
 "No," replied she, somewhat astonished. 
 
 "What, no message ; nor for his nephew?" 
 
 " Certainly not," replied she. 
 
 " Well, after your treatment of them on their last visit," 
 said the colonel, "you really ought to send them some 
 cheerful word." 
 
 " Oh, you can take them my forgiveness," replied Kitty, 
 as she went out of the room. 
 
 The colonel laughed heartily and departed. 
 
 The major was in his office ; but he was not in a proper 
 state of mind to receive visitors. Evidently something had 
 gone wrong with him, and his temper, not of the best at any 
 time, was in a fearful state on that day. 
 
 "How are you, major?" asked the colonel, cheerfully. 
 
 "How are you?" grunted the major. 
 
 " Why, major, what ails you ? " 
 
 "Everything," responded the major, gruffly. 
 
 " And our nephew ? " asked the colonel. 
 
 " D n my nephew ! " cried the major. " That's what 
 ails me, that's all that ails me." 
 
 " Why, what has he done ? " inquired the colonel, in 
 surprise.
 
 180 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 w Done ! " cried the major. " He's done everything that 
 he hadn't ought to. I took him into the business, and he 
 set out to ruin me." 
 
 " Oh, the ignorance of youth," commented the colonel. 
 
 "Youth be hanged!" exclaimed the major. "Youth be 
 bio wed ! It isn't very ignorant, nor very youthful, for a 
 fellow to issue the paper of the firm to the extent of five 
 thousand dollars, and then go off and lose every dollar of 
 the money at faro." 
 
 " What a pity ! " said the colonel ; " and he a Mackenzie ! " 
 
 "That's the devil of it," interrupted the major. "If he'd 
 been a Smith, or a Brown, I'd have sent him to jail ; but I 
 can't send a Mackenzie there." 
 
 "It's precious lucky that I didn't let him marry my 
 daughter, after all," muttered, rather than spoke, the colonel. 
 
 "Well, she might have done worse," said the major, 
 sharply. " How is the girl ? " 
 
 " Oh, she's all right now," responded the colonel, gayly. 
 
 "Well, I told you so," said the major. 
 
 " And she's engaged to be married to a colonel," said the 
 colonel, chuckling as he let out his information. 
 
 " What ! " almost shouted the major ; " another colonel ? " 
 
 "No," responded the colonel; "it's the same man, only he 
 has become a colonel." 
 
 w Of what? " asked the major, eagerly. 
 
 " Of the Nine Hundred and First," responded the colonel, 
 calmly. 
 
 " Oh, in the militia," said the major, in a most sarcastic 
 and aggravating tone.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 181 
 
 "Well, what of that?" asked the colonel, hastily, some- 
 what irritated. 
 
 " Oh, it's better than nothing," said the major, still in his 
 sarcastic tone. "It's just better than nothing." 
 
 "Sir," said the colonel, in great heat, "it's good enough 
 for me." 
 
 "Oh, of course," said the major. "We all praise our 
 own chickens." 
 
 " Well, sir," said the colonel, now thoroughly roused, " he's 
 better than a Mackenzie, who plays faro with some one 
 else's money." 
 
 " Sir ! " cried the major, springing up and assuming a 
 defiant attitude. 
 
 "Sir yourself," said the colonel, swelling out his chest, 
 and looking over the head of his opponent. 
 
 "You'll hear from me, sir," said the major; "you'll hear 
 from me." 
 
 "Very well, sir," responded the colonel, as he left the 
 office with much dignity. 
 
 Two old friends had quarelled about a matter which was 
 certainly not of the slightest personal interest to either of 
 them. 
 
 Now he colonel had not gone half a mile before he was 
 sorry that he had been betrayed into such hasty expressions. 
 Major Mackenzie was his oldest friend, and was suffering 
 from the irritation consequent upon one of the most unpleas- 
 ant of difficulties, a family trouble. The colonel felt that, 
 instead of adding to that irritation, he ought, as a friend, to 
 have aided the major in bearing his troubles. By the time
 
 182 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 the colonel had reached his home he was decidedly 
 uncomfortable . 
 
 The major was a hot-tempered, but uncommonly good- 
 hearted, old fellow. He was decidedly fond of the colonel, 
 and, as soon as his heat had subsided, felt that he should 
 have congratulated the colonel upon the good fortune of his 
 daughter, rather than have made it a means of breeding un- 
 pleasantness between old friends. He felt very sorry for 
 what he had done, but his honor was pledged to call him 
 out, and call him out he must, if he should break all the 
 laws ever invented. 
 
 Fortunately, when the colonel reached his home, he found 
 Jonas there, and fortunately he determined to select that 
 gentleman for his second. Accordingly he detailed to 
 Jonas the events of the day, just as they had occurred. 
 Jonas listened patiently until the old gentleman had finished, 
 and then he said at once : 
 
 " Now, colonel, this won't do. I am not going to have my 
 wedding-day spoiled by a quarrel between two old friends. 
 I am going to the major at once, and I am going to tell him 
 that you are sorry for what you said." 
 
 "If he is, Jonas; but, if he insists upon fighting, I shall 
 not back out, you understand." 
 
 So Jonas went to the major. He found that gentleman 
 still at his office. The major glared at Jonas, as he entered 
 and saluted him. 
 
 "Now, major," said Jonas, "it isn't fair for you and the 
 colonel to quarrel about me, when my wedding-day is so
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 183 
 
 near at hand. The colonel is quite heart-broken about your 
 quarrel." 
 
 " So am I, then," said the major, bluntly. 
 
 " And is very sorry that he said anything unpleasant to 
 you." 
 
 "So ami," responded the major; "that I said anything 
 unpleasant to him." 
 
 "That's as it should be," said Jonas. "The courage of 
 both of you is too well established to be doubted. The 
 colonel is anxious to make up your old friendship." 
 
 "So am I," said the major, "and I'll apologize, if the 
 colonel asks it." 
 
 " Oh, no," said Jonas, " only I want you to dance at my 
 wedding." 
 
 "I'll do that," said the major, "if you send me an in- 
 vitation." 
 
 "You can rely on that," said Jonas. 
 
 Then Jonas was about to depart when the major came up 
 to him, took his hand, shook it heartily, and remarked : 
 
 " Colonel Smith, you may be in the militia, but you're a 
 devilish good fellow."
 
 184 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIX. 
 
 SHALL HE RESIGN ? 
 
 THE colonel had not been informed as to the details of the 
 election of Jonas as colonel of the Nine Hundred and First. 
 All he knew was that Jonas was the colonel, and Jonas 
 looked forward to the time when he must tell the colonel 
 how he, Jonas, had been elected, without much pleasure. 
 However, told it must be, and he selected one evening when 
 Charley and his wife were visiting Kitty, as the opportunity, 
 hoping that Charley would be of some assistance to him. 
 
 "Colonel Withers," said Jonas, jumping at once into the 
 water, " on next Tuesday I resign my position as colonel of 
 the Nine Hundred and First." 
 
 " Resign ! " exclaimed the colonel, quite dumfounded. 
 
 "Yes," replied Jonas. "One week from to-day I must 
 resign, and become an ex-colonel." 
 
 "Well," said the colonel, as soon as he had somewhat 
 recovered from his astonishment, " I'm opposed to that per- 
 formance. However, we'll call a council of war on the 
 subject." 
 
 So the colonel announced to the assembled party the
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 185 
 
 proposition which Jonas had stated, and then asked them 
 for their opinions. 
 
 "Now, Kitty," said he, " what do you think?" 
 
 "I'm sure," replied she, "that it makes no difference to 
 me whether Jonas is or is not a colonel. He can resign, if 
 he wishes ; but he need not do so, on my account. If he 
 thinks he ought to resign, so do I." 
 
 Jonas looked his thanks. 
 
 Mark the inconsistency of womankind I A few months ago 
 that girl would have agreed to any proposition put forward 
 by her father, and now she was opposing her parent, and 
 agreeing with a young gentleman, without the faintest shadow 
 of a reason. 
 
 The colonel was somewhat nonplussed by his daughter's 
 speech, and so he turned to Mrs. Becky, and asked for her 
 opinion. 
 
 " Well," replied that little woman, "Jonas makes a very 
 good colonel, for I've heard Charley say so " (woman 
 again !) " and I think he should remain." 
 
 " So do I," said the colonel. " So we'll consider it settled, 
 and say no more about it." 
 
 That was the colonel's idea of a council of war. 
 
 Jonas, however, took a different view of the matter, and, 
 on that very evening, he penned and forwarded a formal 
 resignation. 
 
 Now any one who supposes that I propose to dismiss the 
 Nine Hundred and First in a cavalier fashion is very much 
 mistaken. I am not that kind of man. Why, look you, 
 what should we have done without the Nine Hundred and
 
 186 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 First ? To be sure, Jonas might have married Kitty ; but the 
 colonel would have been unhappy, and that would have 
 made Kitty unhappy, and that would have made Jonas 
 unhappy. So you see the Nine Hundred and First has been 
 too important an adjunct to this story to be dismissed with- 
 out at least a good-by. 
 
 Well, the evening when the regiment was again to meet 
 was at hand. The officers were all assembled in the armory, 
 when Jonas entered. As soon as the meeting had been 
 called to order, Jonas rose and said : 
 
 " GENTLEMEN, We are all aware that this meeting has 
 been called to select a presiding officer for this regiment. 
 One month ago you did me a favor, which I never can 
 repay, and for which I thank you, from the bottom of my 
 heart. I have, in accordance with the arrangement then 
 made, already sent in a formal resignation ; but I could not 
 refrain from coming here personally, and thanking you, 
 which I do most heartily, for your kindness to me. Hoping 
 that your regiment will have all the success it deserves, I 
 respectfully tender my resignation as colonel of the gallant 
 Nine Hundred and First." 
 
 Then Jonas left the room and located himself in one of 
 the company rooms, in order that he might say good-by to 
 the officers after they had finished their important business. 
 
 "Look here, gentlemen," said Harry Bromley, the leader 
 of the outsiders, after Jonas had left the room, " I am, for 
 one, quite satisfied with our present colonel. He made a 
 fine appearance on our annual parade, and did the regiment 
 credit, and, besides that, he is a whole-souled fellow. I think
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 187 
 
 we'd better keep a good leader, now that we've got one. I, 
 for one, shall vote for him. What do you say, Charley?" 
 asked he, turning to Charley Hastrom. 
 
 "Nothing," replied Charley. "When I asked you last 
 month to do me a great favor, you did it like clever fellows, 
 and I don't propose to increase my obligations. Whoever 
 is satisfactory to the rest of you will suit me. Of course, 
 as Colonel Smith is my friend, if he is to be a candidate, I 
 shall vote for him." 
 
 "Well," said the lieutenant-colonel, "I think it's an 
 uncommonly good suggestion, and I nominate Jonas Smith 
 for colonel of this regiment." 
 
 " And I second the nomination," added Harry Bromley, 
 
 The preliminaries for the election Were speedily arranged, 
 and all proceeded to vote. Strange as it may appear, 
 when the ballots were counted, they all bore the name of 
 Jonas Smith. Again he had been unanimously elected 
 colonel of the Nine Hundred and First. Of course he was 
 immediately brought out of the room in which he had en- 
 sconced himself, and of course, notwithstanding his protests, 
 he was compelled to accept the position, which he finally 
 did in a neat little speech, which brought down the house. 
 
 "I say, Jonas," said Charley, as they left the armory, 
 " how this will delight the colonel ! " 
 
 "To tell you the truth," responded Jonas, "that is the 
 chief reason why I accepted."
 
 188 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 CHAPTER XL. 
 
 WE DANCE AT THE WEDDING. 
 
 ON the day following the election, when Jonas met the 
 colonel, he saluted him very abruptly, with the remark : 
 
 " Well, colonel, I resigned last night." 
 
 The colonel looked at him as if he had gone crazy. 
 
 " Resigned ! " gasped the colonel. 
 
 " Yes," replied Jonas. " I told you I should." 
 
 " But I thought we arranged that you should not resign." 
 
 " I didn't agree to it, though," responded Jonas, " and so 
 last night I resigned." 
 
 " But they re-elected him, papa," said Kitty. 
 
 "Of course," said the colonel, immensely relieved. "I 
 knew they would." 
 
 Then the colonel insisted that he would give one of his 
 little dinners, to which he would invite every officer of the 
 Nine Hundred and First. 
 
 " Oh, no, papa," said Kitty. "You know ," 
 
 " Well, I know what, puss ? " asked the colonel. 
 
 " You know that I that we " 
 
 "That we are to be married next week," added Jonas, 
 helping her out of her difficulty.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 189 
 
 "Yes," responded the colonel. 
 
 "And wouldn't it be nicer," asked she, "to to " 
 
 "Invite them to the wedding?" supplemented Jonas. 
 
 "A capital idea," said the colonel; "so get to work at 
 once." 
 
 Then there was an uproar in the house. The establish- 
 ment was filled with tulle and raisins, and silks and citron, 
 and satins and sugar, and cakes and wines, and ribbons and 
 jellies. (I am not at all sure that I have not mixed up 
 those articles in inextricable confusion ; however, how can 
 you expect the uneducated male to know anything about wed- 
 ding arrangements ? He dons his dress suit, marches down 
 the aisle of the church, gets married, and goes home to the 
 feast, recking naught of the days of labor which have been 
 given over to preparations. Before I sat down to write this 
 chapter, I endeavored to find out what is en regie under 
 such circumstances, and, for that purpose, called upon a 
 fascinating young damsel of my acquaintance. The ignorant 
 servant-maid bounced me into the parlor, where I found the 
 light turned down so low that I could hardly see anything. 
 I did, however, discover two animate objects, springing to 
 opposite ends of the sofa. On inspection they turned out to 
 be my charming young friend and a decidedly handsome 
 young man. Disgusted at myself, I could only mutter that 
 I had merely dropped in to find out the time of day, and 
 then retire. As I left the door I unconsciously whistled the 
 wedding march. That must be my excuse for not being 
 more specific as to details.) 
 
 You can rest assured, however, that all the foregoing
 
 190 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 
 
 matters did not prevent Kitty from finding time to devote 
 to Jonas. A woman is so strangely constituted that, if the 
 idol of her heart should murmur, " Come sit by my side, little 
 darling," when she was engaged in reading the latest fashion 
 book, she would immediately leave her engrossing duties, 
 and place herself so close to his side, that you would im- 
 agine that a new pair of Siamese twins had been discovered. 
 Alas for us for whom all that bliss is ended, and alas, and 
 alas, for those, who have never experienced it ! 
 
 " Tis better to have loved and got married, 
 Than never to have loved at all." 
 
 I frankly confess that I have a very strong desire to halt 
 right here, and deliver a brief moral essay to the reader 
 upon the vanity and foolishness of marrying; but what 
 would be the use ? Did you ever know anybody who was 
 converted by argument ? Nay, I think not. No more did 
 I. I'm in favor of falling in love, and, if people allow that 
 delightful pleasure to submerge itself in matrimony, why, I 
 suppose they would go on doing that, though every married 
 man in the land rose up and warned them. Well, go on, 
 youngsters, go on. Experentia docet. 
 
 The wedding came off duly on the day which had been 
 fixed by the colonel. Major Mackenzie came, in accordance 
 with his promise. When the two veterans met, each 
 stretched out his hand. 
 
 " Major," said the colonel. 
 
 " Colonel," said the major. 
 
 Their hands clasped together, and their peace was made.
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS NOT A COLONEL. 191 
 
 Of course, Charley and Mrs. Becky were on hand, 
 renewing, as Charley said, their youthful experiences. 
 
 "And, my boy," said Charley to Jonas, " if you want any 
 information on the honeymoon business, I'm your man. 
 You see I've been through the mill, and ' I know how it is 
 myself.' The honeymoon's your strong card. You can get 
 them to promise anything while that lasts." 
 
 "And after that?" asked Jonas, laughing. 
 
 "They'll keep the promises, if they like," responded 
 Charley ; "and generally they don't like." 
 
 "Well, never mind, Charley," said Jonas; "Kitty and I 
 will not disagree about promises." 
 
 "The rashness of inexperience," muttered Charley as 
 Jonas left him ; " how it fools even a sensible man ! " 
 
 I know I ought to describe the ceremony and the parties 
 to it, but you really must be satisfied, when I tell you that 
 Kitty was the daintiest and loveliest of brides, and Jonas 
 the most manly of bridegrooms. What more could I say 
 if I tried ? Isn't that the very quintessence of praise ? 
 
 You can be sure that the officers of the Nine Hundred and 
 First were present in full uniform at the wedding, and that 
 they heartily cheered Jonas and his bride. In fact, as the 
 carriage containing Jonas and Kitty rolled out of the gate- 
 way, they burst into one enthusiastic shout, of which the 
 burden was : 
 
 " Hurrah for Colonel Jonas Smith ! "
 
 Kobert Falconer, 
 
 David Elginbrod, 
 
 Adela Cathcart, 
 
 Phantasies, 
 The Portent; or, Second Sight, 
 
 George Mao Donald's Masterly Books. 
 Rich Cloth, Price $1.75. 
 
 , Publisher, . . . BOSTOIV. 
 
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 quaint similitudes, and their deep perceptions of human nature 
 are certainly remarkable." SCRIBNER'S MONTHLY. 
 
 " In George Mac Donald's company the very air seems im- 
 pregnated with love, purity, and tenderness." Rev. DK. 
 
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 Broken to Harness., 
 
 By Edmund Tates. 
 Neat Paper Covers, 75 Cents. Handsome Cloth, $1.25. 
 
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 we have seen published for many a day. The characters are just such quaint 
 mixtures of good and bad as wo are constantly meeting. 
 
 " BARBARA, (the young lady that was ' Broken to Harness '), glorious in spite 
 of faults, floats before us with her majestic grace, half blamed, half pitied. 
 
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 tho Horse Trainer, ill-bred, but noble, loving and great-hearted, whom wo 
 honor more the farther we read. 
 
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 eingularly bold, never coarse. Here, for once, is a book where .people talk 
 .naturally. 
 
 41 It will bo a long while before another so full of good things will appear." 
 
 Running the Gauntlet. 
 
 By Edmund Tates. 
 Neat Paper Covers, 75 Cents. Hands cme Cloth, $1.25. 
 
 "Edmund Yates may now bo ranked among the first writers of fiction. 
 * Broken to Harness ' was one of tho most original and natural stories of modern 
 fiction; and ' Running the Gauntlet,' in many respects, is a stronger and bet- 
 ter book. 
 
 " It is the same in style, in dialogue, in insight; but in plot .and incident it 
 is as different as we could wish. The story is one very common to life, and tho 
 heroine, Lady Mitford, is one of those pure and noble creatures we meet only 
 too seldom. 
 
 "With the greatest delight should all lovers of good books welcome this new 
 author, paying him tho tribute which he demands, the tribute of careful 
 study and consequent appreciation.".
 
 Pique -s 
 
 .A. Tale of" the 
 
 Neat Paper Covers, $1.00. Handsome Cloth, $1.50. 
 
 Publisher, . . . BOSTO3Y. 
 
 Twenty years have passed since " PIQUE" was first published ii. 
 I/ondon. 
 
 Notwithstanding the enormous number of new b*ooks that have 
 been published since, this remarkable novel has not been crowded 
 out of sight. 
 
 This is the strongest praise that can be bestowed on any book. 
 
 PIQUE 
 
 is not in the least "sensational," but relies solely on its rare beaiity 
 of style, and truthfulness to nature, for its popularity. 
 
 It has the merit of being amusing, pleasantly written, and en- 
 grossing. 
 
 The characters^being high-bred men and women, are charming 
 companions for ah hour's solitude, and one put the book aside re- 
 gretfully, even as one closes the eyes on a delicious vision. 
 
 The American edition has taken every one by surprise, that so 
 remarkably good a novel should have so long escaped attention. 
 
 Everybody is charmed with it, and its popularity will endure for 
 years to come.
 
 Mainstoiie's Housekeeper. 
 
 AN ENGLISH NOVEL. 
 
 By Miss Eliza Moteyard (Silverpen.) 
 Neat Paper Covers, $1.00. Handsome Cloth, $1.50. 
 
 LORIIVG, Publisher, . . . BOSTON. 
 
 A fresh, vigorous, powerful story of English country life, full 
 of exquisite pictures of rural scenery, with a plot which is man- 
 aged with great skill, and a surprise kept constantly ahead so that 
 from the opening to the close the interest never flags. There is 
 life in every page, and a fresh, delicate, hearty sentiment per- 
 vades the book that exhilarates and charms indiscribably. 
 
 The heroine Charlotte, the housekeeper is one of the finest 
 characters ever drawn, and merits unqualified commendation. 
 
 As a whole, for beauty of style and diction, passionate ear- 
 nestness, effective contrasts, distinctness of plot, unity and com- 
 pleteness, 
 
 THIS NOVEL IS WITHOUT A RIVAL. 
 
 K is a "midnight darling" that Charles Lamb would have 
 exulted in, and perhaps the best as yet produced from a woman's 
 pen.
 
 Simplicity and Fascination. 
 
 AN ENGLISH NOVEL. 
 
 By AME BEALE. 
 Neat Paper Cover, $1.00. Handsome Cloth, $1.50. 
 
 IiORIJVG, Publisher, . . . BOSTON. 
 
 It Is not often that such a sound, and yet readable, English 
 novel is republished in America. 
 
 There is neither a prosy, page nor a sensational chapter in it. 
 
 It is a nice book for a clean hearth and an easy chair. 
 
 It is a natural, healthy book, written by a living person, about 
 people of flesh and blood, who might have been our neighbors, 
 and of events which might happen to anybody. This is a great 
 charm in a novel. This leaves a clean taste in the mouth, and 
 a delicious memory of the feast. 
 
 The tone of it is high and true, without being obstrusively 
 good. 
 
 This novel reproduces that exquisite tone or flavor so hard to 
 express which permeates true English country life, and gives to it 
 a peculiar charm unlike any other, which one having once seen 
 and felt, lives as it were under a spell, and would never willingly 
 allow to fade from their memory. 
 
 Too much cannot be said in praise of " SIMPLICITT AHD FAS- 
 
 CUTATIOlf."
 
 The Queen of the County, 
 
 By the Author of " MAB&ABET AND SEE BBIDE3MAIDS." 
 Neat Paper Cavers, $1.00. Handsome Cloth, $1.50. 
 
 I.ORI1VG, Publisher, . . . BOSTON. 
 
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 old lady, beautiful with ' the spirit's youth which never passes by,' 
 sits down by our side and tells the story of her life. She gives us 
 an autobiography without calling it such, and best of all, without 
 apologizing for it. She speaks of the beauty of her youth without 
 vanity or false modesty. She deems the frank trustfulness of youth 
 one of life's least follies. She pours out with her recollections all 
 the sweetness and loveliness of a glorious soul, and with no thought 
 that she does so. The book has sentiment, but no sentimentality. 
 There arc humorous passages, pathetic passages, and passages ex- 
 ceeding sorrowful. 
 
 " She makes no parade of grief, nor does she state it to be 
 sacred, but she treats it as if it were so. She does not prate of joy 
 in high-flown phrase, but speaks of it naturally, and in a sano 
 manner, as people whom wo meet every day do. The book is 
 characterized by an absence of all attempt at effect. It is not 
 bookish. "We have not read the story ; an old lady with a beautiful 
 face told it to us. "We have known her and loved her, and now 
 we reverence her memory. 
 
 " For humor, geniality, ease of diction, purity of thought, de- 
 lineation of character, though not perhaps for comprehensiveness^ 
 it deserves a high place."
 
 Margaret and Her Bridesmaids. 
 
 By the Author of " THE QUEEN OF THE COUNTY." 
 Neat Paper Covers, $1.00. Handsome Cloth, $1.50. 
 
 , Publisher, . . . BOSTON. 
 
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 of this book, for we recommend all who are in search of a fascinating 
 novel to read it for themselves. They will find it well worth their 
 while. There is a freshness and originality about it quite charming, 
 and there is a certain nobleness in the treatment, both of sentiment 
 and incident, which is not often found. We imagine that few can 
 read it without deriving some comfort or profit from the quiet good 
 ;8ense and unobtrusive words of counsel with which it abounds. 
 
 " The story is very interesting. It is the history of four school- 
 fellows. Margaret, the heroine, is, of course, a woman in the highest 
 state of perfection. But Lotty the little, wilful, wild, fascinating, 
 brave Lotty is the gem of the book, and, as far as our experience 
 .in novel reading goes, is an entirely original character a creation 
 and a very charming one. No story that occurs to our memory 
 contains more interest than this for novel readers, particularly those 
 of the tender sex, to whom it will be a dear favorite." The London
 
 THE 
 
 BY EMILY BOWLES. 
 
 Neat Paper Cover, 75 cents. Handsome Cloth, $1.00. 
 , Tiiblislier, . . . 13OSTO1V. 
 
 Although few English or American readers are likely to know much about " The 
 Camargue," when they open this book, they cannot close it without feeling as if the 
 regions of " A.IGLES MORTES" in southern France were familiar and well-love'! scones. 
 So vivid are the local color, the Provencal atmosphere, and the characteristics of 
 the people described, that the book would seem like a translation, were it not for the 
 pure, vigorous, original English in which it is written. 
 
 It is one of the Most Charming Stories 
 
 it is always out," that now this publisher lias placed it in the power of them all, who run, 
 not only to read, but to have for their own, for indeed this is a book to read more than 
 once, and to put side by side with one's favorites. 
 
 We will not deprive the public of one iota of the keen interest it will enjoy, by 
 hinting at the story of 
 
 IN THE CAMARGHJE, 
 
 It is told so graphically and well, that any abstract would do it wrong. 
 The style is so picturesque and poetical that 
 
 ROSA BONHEUR 
 
 might paint the portrait of the white bull " Oriflamme," or 
 
 TENNYSON 
 
 take " Noel Privas" as his heroine for an Idyll. 
 
 But indeed the tale as it is told needs no illustration. It paints its own pictures, 
 and sings its own songs. The Protestant reader may perhaps feel inclined to smile at the 
 
 Miracles Performed 
 
 at the " Feast of the Three Marys," and will of course feel a want of sympathy with 
 the whole stream of llomanisrn pervading the book, but the noble beauty and pathos of 
 
 Rambert, The Cattle Driver's 
 
 life and death, and the exquisite sadness of the closing chapters, arc of no creed or 
 country, and ar>-;a; to our common human nature.