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 THE HITHERTO UNIDENTIFIED 
 
 CONTRIBUTIONS 
 OF 
 
 W. M. THACKERAY 
 
 TO 
 
 "PUNCH"
 
 THE EXCITEMENT IN BELGRAVIA. 
 Jeamks and the Butler. 
 
 Jcames. " 'AVING NOW IGASAMINED MY SATIFFIGITE, AND FOUND 
 MY FiGGER SATASFACTURY, ELOW ME TO HASK ONE QUESTION 
 
 — Is Sir John's a High Chutch Family, Mr. Brown? and 
 DO YOU Fast, according to the Rubric, hevery Friday 
 IN THE year? Because in this case, the place will not 
 do for yl//i." 
 Btitler. "Mr. Jeames, we will try and get you a dispen- 
 sation." 
 
 [See page 283
 
 THE HITHERTO UNIDENTIFIED 
 
 CONTRIBUTIONS 
 
 OF 
 
 W. M. THACKERAY 
 
 TO 
 
 "PUNCH" 
 
 IVITH 
 
 A COMPLETE AND AUTHORITATIVE 
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY FROM IS43 TO IS4S 
 
 BY 
 
 M. H. SPIELMANN 
 
 AUTHOR OF "the HISTOKY OF ' PUNCH ' " ETC. 
 
 WITH NUMEROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 
 AND EXPLANATORY NOTES 
 
 NEW YORK AND LONDON 
 
 HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS 
 
 1900
 
 Copyright, 1899, by Harper & Brothers. 
 All rights reserved. 
 
 I 6' I 'M-^i
 
 PR 
 ■ 1 99a 
 
 TO 
 THE MEMORY OF 
 
 JESSIE WIENER 
 
 THIS BOOK 
 
 Us Hn scribed
 
 PREFACE 
 
 The material for this volume — based on authen- 
 tic and exclusive information — has been by me for 
 some years. My first intention was to produce an 
 Essay that might be printed in serial form, and 
 this project had the cordial and practical sympa- 
 thy of the proprietors of Piinch, and the express- 
 ed approval of Mrs. Richmond Ritchie. But as I 
 wrote, the subject grew under my hand; my desire 
 for absolute accuracy involved a greater degree of 
 completeness than I had anticipated ; and the re- 
 sult is a volume which, I hope, if only for the 
 sake of the Bibliography, makes some claim on 
 the lover of Thackeray and on the collector of his 
 works. From the first, it seemed desirable that 
 such a book should be given to the public; the 
 fact that the matter has been trifled with in an- 
 other quarter renders necessary the course which 
 I have taken. 
 
 This new bibliography includes pieces not so 
 much suppressed or forgotten as unrecognised as 
 the work of Thackeray — pieces which are often 
 quite as worthy of preservation as many of his light- 
 er sketches and verses. Literary considerations 
 
 vii
 
 PREFACE 
 
 apart, they are in the aggregate of real value and 
 interest, for they show upon what topics of public 
 concern Thackeray was writing during the years 
 here dealt with, and what he thought about them ; 
 that is to say, his views on things in general, and 
 on the major and minor events that passed in his 
 day : opinions, in short, which help to reveal the 
 man and which are as necessary to the biographer 
 for the full understanding of his character as the 
 books that he wrote or the letters wherein his own 
 self is sometimes set down and sometimes, may be, 
 concealed. This Essay, then, lays claim to a cer- 
 tain personal interest, and to possess something of 
 the charm, it is hoped, that belongs to a genuine 
 literary discovery. 
 
 Ranging from a short paragraph of a line or 
 two, a mere epigram, to a long article of a page or 
 more (say, 2500 words, journalist's measure), and 
 from a couplet to a poem of 123 lines, these con- 
 tributions contain many things that the publish- 
 ers of Thackeray's Works must assuredly have 
 included in their " Contributions to Punch'" had 
 they known of them ; for among his comments on 
 events, political and social, as well as among the 
 simpler ebullitions of pure fun, there are many 
 sketches, essays, and verses more interesting and 
 important than many which have hitherto been re- 
 published. 
 
 Of the hundred and fifty new items, I deal with 
 nearly all — clearly stating that I here indulge in no 
 speculations of authenticity, whether from internal 
 
 viii
 
 PRE FAC E 
 
 evidence or otherwise, except where, quite at the 
 beginning and towards the end of the book, such 
 cases are expressly specified. My information is 
 absolute, for the items are all entered against the 
 author's name in a long -forgotten editorial day- 
 book, and for these items he was duly paid. From 
 the grand total of 428 Punch entries, I have care- 
 fully eliminated those which have been reprinted, 
 or, with the exception of two or three duly indi- 
 cated, those which have been in any way referred 
 to by former bibliographers. 
 
 I may be blamed by some for not quoting in ex- 
 tenso every article and poem, and for omitting the 
 less important or the less striking passages which 
 might be sacrificed without disadvantage — or it 
 might even be said, with advantage — to the origi- 
 nal. But my desire has been to give prominence 
 to nothing that might fairly claim the privilege of 
 oblivion ; and I have felt, besides, that I have no 
 right to assume property in contributions that be- 
 long to Ptmch itself, where alone they may be 
 properly seen and read in the surroundings for 
 which they were composed and from which they 
 took their tone. 
 
 I have not, then, dug up matter which is for- 
 gotten. I have dealt only with that which people 
 are buying and reading every day, ignorant of the 
 authorship of many of the most amusing and in- 
 teresting pieces. If proof were needed of the de- 
 gree in which Thackeray's authorship has been 
 forgotten, or only half understood, even in quarters 
 
 ix
 
 PREFACE 
 
 where it should be most famiHar, I need but draw 
 attention to a statement which appears in the 
 Authorised Edition: "This edition of Mr. Thack- 
 eray's ' Ballads ' will be found to include all the 
 verses that are scattered throughout the author's 
 various writings." Yet in this volume I introduce 
 to the reader about a score of unidentified poems, 
 many of very considerable importance, and half of 
 them, at least, worthy of a place in Thackeray's 
 Collected Works — which position, it may be be- 
 lieved, they will now secure in any new edition. 
 
 It is erroneously supposed by many of Thack- 
 eray's readers that the fact of his having illustrated 
 an article or a set of verses is evidence of his hav- 
 ing written the text which they accompany; or, 
 again, that all articles touching subjects on which 
 he was known to write with frequency, and with a 
 relish that seemed to make them his own — such 
 as "Jenkins," "Jeames," "Louis Philippe," the 
 "poet Bunn," and the like — must necessarily be 
 from the Titmarshian pen. Nothing could be 
 more misleading. Indeed, it is this unfortunate 
 belief which has from time to time betrayed the 
 student of Thackeray. Several of the Punch staff 
 were writing in a similar strain and with similar 
 views in the traditional Pitnch manner on the self- 
 same topics of political and social interest at 
 about the same time ; that their contributions are 
 therefore often indistinguishable is not matter for 
 surprise. For years, a couple of contributions 
 by Matthew James Higgins ("Jacob Omnium")
 
 PREFACE 
 
 and Percival Leigh have been accepted as Thack- 
 eray's, and even so included in his " Collected 
 Works." It is hardly less difficult, sometimes, 
 even for the expert, to determine the author- 
 ship of certain drawings when — especially in the 
 case of decorated " initial letters " and small 
 sketches — Doyle, Leech, and McConnell were ex- 
 ercising their pencils on similar subjects in the 
 same spirit, frequently with much the same touch 
 and quality of caricature ; when Captain Howard 
 was imitating the three of them; and when Swain, 
 the engraver of all four, -was adding, as it were, the 
 common denominator of his own handiwork. 
 
 A further cause for confusion lies in the inap- 
 propriateness of many of the undoubted Thack- 
 eray drawings to the text they embellish without, 
 however, " illustrating." Almost from the begin- 
 ning it was the habit of the Editor of Punch to 
 commission decorative initial letters and small 
 comic sketches by the dozen. The subject de- 
 picted was immaterial. These drawings, which 
 usually dealt with some humorous idea, would be 
 used without much sense of fitness or affinity be- 
 tween the ideas of text and picture. To an Ori- 
 ental reference — such as "The Meeting of the 
 Sultan and Mehemet Ali " — there might per- 
 chance be adapted an Oriental sketch, though no 
 nearer in appositeness than Blue Beard demand- 
 ing back the key;* but it does not appear that 
 
 * A whole series of Blue Beard initials by Thackeray is to 
 
 xi
 
 PREFACE 
 
 the incongruity greatly afflicted the Pufic/i Editor, 
 or evoked a protest from the public. But even 
 when Thackeray's sketch is really illustrative, there 
 is in this occasional fact no argument in favour 
 of his having been the author of the text as well. 
 He illustrated scores of pieces by other hands — 
 Jerrold's, Leigh's, Gilbert a Beckett's, and the rest 
 — so that evidence more conclusive is necessary 
 before one is justified in attributing authorship to 
 Thackeray with anything like certainty. 
 
 The illustrations in this volume, therefore — cuts 
 which Messrs. Bradbury, Agnew & Company have 
 been so good as to make for me from the original 
 wood-blocks drawn upon by Thackeray himself — 
 belong in every case to the text they accompany. 
 Of the many scores of his sketches, promiscuous- 
 ly thrown off, that dot the pages of Punch, I have 
 of course laken no heed; for those which illustrate 
 the writings of others are obviously outside the 
 scope of this book. But it may be stated that, 
 so far as I remember, not a single one has ever 
 before been reprinted outside the office of Punch, 
 except in the untrustworthy articles, since aban- 
 doned, to which I have already alluded. Those 
 "socials" — pictures with explanatory text or con- 
 versation beneath — which have not been dealt 
 
 be found in Punch. Were these originally intended for the 
 Blue Beard — "very sardonic and amusing to do so, but I 
 doubt whether it will be pleasant to read or hear " — on which 
 he was engaged in 1850, or does he, in this reference, once 
 more use the title as a nickname for one of his characters ? 
 
 xii
 
 PREFACE 
 
 with previously are here described if not in every 
 case reproduced. 
 
 A close examination of this side of Thackeray's 
 work in Piiiick rewards the diligent inquirer with 
 discoveries of minor importance. Thus Mrs. Rich- 
 mond Ritchie is shown to be not entirely correct 
 in thinking, as she says, in her delightful Bio- 
 graphical Edition of the Works of Thackeray: 
 " For the Eastern adventures of the Fat Contrib- 
 utor Leech drew the only illustration, I believe, 
 that he ever made for my father's writing." On 
 several occasions Leech's hand embellishes the 
 text of his old friend in the pages of Pmtck. 
 Again, the drawing entitled " Bucks," in her in- 
 troduction to "Contributions to Ptcnck,'' is seen 
 to be the study for "A Side- Box Talk" (No. 384, 
 1848), the chief head having been previously used 
 in the sketch to Gilbert a Beckett's " Theatrical 
 Astronomy" (No. 276, 1846). And, again, the little 
 caricature of "Charles II. in the Royal Oak," on 
 p. xviii., was not, as is half suggested, destined for 
 an unwritten chapter of "Miss Tickletoby's Lect- 
 ures on English History," but is a grotesque 
 sketch of what was used on p. 267, vol. xii., 1847 
 —"High Art in Westminster Hall." The letter 
 quoted on p. 133 is printed by the permission of 
 Messrs. Smith, Elder & Co. 
 
 In setting these writings of Thackeray newly 
 before the reader, I have thought it desirable to 
 give some explanation of the circumstances under 
 which they were produced, in order that topical 
 
 xiii 
 
 r
 
 PREFACE 
 
 allusions might be more clearly understood. Just 
 so much comment, therefore, it seemed incum- 
 bent on me to offer as would helpfully elucidate 
 the articles and verses attributed at length to their 
 
 rightful author. 
 
 M. H. S.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Preface vii 
 
 Contents xv 
 
 List of Illustrations xvii 
 
 Introductory i 
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 I. Vols. IL, IV., and VI. (1843-1844) .... 16 
 
 II. Vol. VI., Continued (1844) 55 
 
 III. Vol. VII. (1844) 85 
 
 IV. Vol. VIII. (1845) 112 
 
 V. Vol. VIII., Continned (1845) ^^9 
 
 VI. Vol. IX. (1845) -.149 
 
 VII. Vol. IX., Continued (1845) 170 
 
 VIII. Vols. X. and XI. (1846) 187 
 
 IX. Vols. XII. and XIII. (1847) 204 
 
 X. Vol. XIV. (1848) 218 
 
 XI. Vols. XV. and XIX. (1848 and 1850) ... 248 
 
 XII. Vol. XX. (185 ij 283 
 
 XIII. Vol. XX. {Continued) and Vol. XXI. (185 1) . 299 
 
 Bibliography 317 
 
 Cartoons Suggested by W. M. Thackeray . . . 338 
 
 Index 339
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 The Excitejucnt in Bclgravia Frontispiece 
 
 The Legend of Jawbrahim-Hermidee 17 
 
 Assumption of Aristocracy 35 
 
 Notice — Leahies from the Lives of the Lords of Literature 43 
 
 Shakespeare Cojnpressed 51 
 
 A Hint for Moses 87 
 
 A Hint for Moses 89 
 
 A Case of Real Distress 91 
 
 Shameful Case of Letter Opening no 
 
 Liberal Reward 113 
 
 Ode to Sibthorp i3r 
 
 Nezv Portrait of H.R.H. Prince Albert 135 
 
 The Ascot Cup Day leo 
 
 The Stags: A Drama of To-day 171 
 
 Miss Malony and Father Luke 182 
 
 A New Naval Drama 191 
 
 A Netv Naval Drama 192 
 
 The Meet if ig between the Sultan and Mahomet Ali . . 196 
 
 The Heavies 198 
 
 The Household Brigade 199 
 
 The Household Brigade 200 
 
 The Household Brigade 200 
 
 What's Come to the Clubs ? 201 
 
 Kitchen Melodies — Curry 202 
 
 Horrid Tragedy in Private Life 205 
 
 xvii
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 The Cambridge Address io Prince Albert . . . . . 208 
 
 Afr. Punch for Repeal 219 
 
 Afr. Punch for Repeal 220 
 
 French Sympathisers 224 
 
 The Portfolio 236 
 
 The Portfolio 239 
 
 The Hampstead Road 249 
 
 The Hampstead Road 250 
 
 The Hampstead Road 251 
 
 The Hampstead Road 252 
 
 Military Correspondence 253 
 
 Military Correspondence 254 
 
 Military Correspondence 255 
 
 Military Correspondence 256 
 
 The Balmoral Gazette 360 
 
 Is There Anything in the Paper ? 269 
 
 A Side-Pox Talk 273 
 
 The Excitc7nent in Belgravia 285 
 
 fohn Bull Beaten 291 
 
 If Not: Why Not 1 307 
 
 Punch and the Woodblock 316 
 
 Who's Afraid^ or, the Oregon Question. Car- 
 toon by fohn leech To face 1 o 
 
 The Airs. Caudle of the House of lords. 
 
 Cartoon by fohn leech " 166 
 
 ^^ Never Mind losing the First I feat'' &c. 
 
 Cartoon by Richard Doyle " 188 
 
 Young Yankee- N^oodle teaching Grandmother 
 Britannia to suck Fggs. Cartoon by 
 
 fohn leech " 190
 
 CONTRIBUTIONS TO "PUNCH
 
 INTRODUCTORY 
 
 It is natural to believe that an author is most 
 himself — that is to say, most honest and least 
 self-conscious — in his anonymous writings; and 
 that his opinions are expressed with the greater 
 freedom and candour when his personality is not 
 being put forward along with them. It would be 
 unjust to say that " the real Thackeray" is onl}^ 
 or even chiefly, to be seen in those writings of 
 which, at the time he produced them, he did not 
 intend publicly to proclaim his authorship, because 
 a man so open and sincere could have felt but 
 little advantage in the cloak of anonymity. Yet 
 upon some matters, political, social, and personal, 
 he no doubt did express himself more fully and 
 more bluntly than if he had to sign " W. M. 
 Thackeray" or " M. A. Titmarsh" at the foot of 
 the contribution, instead of, at most, "Mr. Punch," 
 "Hibernis Hibernior," or even nothing at all. 
 
 In all of these writings we are struck with the 
 honesty, earnestness, and common-sense of the 
 critic, even though we may occasionally fail to 
 recoo;nise the bis: view of the statesman. Yet 
 Thackeray was more of a statesman than his col- 
 
 A I
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 league Douglas Jerrold, who for years was prac- 
 tically PilucJls Prime Minister. It was, moreover, 
 greatly on a question of statesmanship that he 
 left Ptnich (just as Doyle had left it on a question 
 of religion); for he did not choose to identify him- 
 self with the " savageness " of the particular col- 
 league first-mentioned, whose political writings he 
 believed to be against the interests of the country 
 as well as against the dignity of the paper. Yet 
 this repugnance of his for violence has been cited 
 as a reproach. He was not fierce enough, we are 
 told — not vehement enouo'h in his denunciations 
 of human folly; and it is evidently reckoned for 
 unrighteousness that he preferred irony as a flail 
 for the evil-doer, to burning wrath and hot denun- 
 ciation. Perhaps the famous old lady who con- 
 sidered Thackeray "an uncomfortable writer "was 
 the first who discovered him to be a Cynic. Per- 
 haps she was right — but, in that case, a Cynic 
 after Thackeray's own heart. "Ah, my worthy 
 friends," he once wrote in "Philip," "you little 
 know what soft-hearted people these cynics are! 
 If you could have come on Diogenes by sur- 
 prise, I daresay you might have found him read- 
 ing sentimental novels and whimpering in his 
 tub." 
 
 How far Thackeray was a cynic or a pessimist, 
 and just how deeply he felt on things, moral and 
 material, you may perhaps see better here from 
 some of these unsioncd contributions than from 
 those papers to which, in his better-known writ-
 
 THE OXFORD ELECTION 
 
 ings, he put his name. In one notable particular 
 they are of special interest 
 
 These anonymous expressions of opinion reveal 
 Thackeray as a politician far more thoroughly, 
 perhaps, than his more deliberate utterances. By 
 reason, partly, of their brevity, and partly of what 
 was at one time considered to be their epheme- 
 ral character, they were, many of them, allowed to 
 sink into oblivion. Although their literary merit 
 is often relatively slight, their interest and value, 
 when they are regarded in the aggregate, will now 
 be recognised and appreciated for another reason, 
 for the}^ shed additional light on this phase of 
 Thackeray's mind and work, and add to our knowl- 
 edge of his personality. The events they recorded 
 and discussed have now become, like Thackeray 
 himself, a portion of our country's history. 
 
 I need make little apology, then — the better to 
 complete the picture — -for placing before the reader 
 a recital of an event which has no immediate con- 
 nexion with Pjincli, as it occurred three years after 
 Thackeray's active interest in that journal was 
 closed. I refer to his candidature for the repre- 
 sentation of Oxford in 1857. Mrs. Richmond 
 Ritchie has already set before the public in the 
 " Biographical Edition " of " The Virginians " an 
 entertaining narrative of the struggle ; but to no 
 one has it heretofore occurred to appeal for his rem- 
 iniscences to the gentleman who acted as Thack- 
 eray's election agent on that interesting occasion. 
 This gentleman, the Rev. Charles Williams, of 
 
 3
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Benson, Oxfordshire, has courteously responded 
 to my request, so that the following brief notes 
 may be accepted as supplementing those of Mrs. 
 Ritchie : — 
 
 " From 1857 to 1899 is a long jump, and only a 
 very general impression remains with me. For 
 the period, Thackeray was an Advanced Liberal, 
 and especially was a warm advocate of Vote by 
 Ballot. I have endeavoured in the following^ rec- 
 ollections to give you some idea of what took 
 place and some notion of the impressions made on 
 me. If I have never recorded them before, it is 
 because such a record was never asked for. 
 
 " My personal recollections of this distinguished 
 man are confined to the short period when he 
 visited Oxford as candidate for the seat vacated by 
 Mr. Neate, unseated for bribery, &c. It was a 
 short but very fierce contest, and public feeling 
 ran high. Thackeray's supporters felt that Mr. 
 Neate had been dealt with very unfairly, and so 
 far as my recollection serves Card well's* friends 
 had in the first election been equally guilty of cor- 
 rupt practice ; certainly coercion and intimidation 
 had been largely employed. On the other hand, 
 in the second election, Cardwell's friends felt that 
 as the City would not risk disenfranchisement as 
 the result of a second petition, they had a more 
 free hand and could more safely use their favourite 
 forces ; and they did not scruple to do so. 
 
 * Viscount Monck, Thackeray's original opponent, it will 
 be remembered, retired in favour of Mr. Cardwell. 
 
 4
 
 THACKERAY AS CANVASSER 
 
 " Mr. Thackeray's platform addresses made a 
 good impression, but he made one unfortunate 
 mistake. It was in the days when the question of 
 ' vote by ballot ' was coming to the front, and as he 
 was speaking on the subject he was interrupted by 
 some one in the audience who shouted — ' That's 
 it, sir! and we'll have the Ballot on polling day!' 
 ' No,' replied Thackeray, ' we'll fight them with 
 their own weapons.' This answer was wilfully 
 misconstrued by his opponents who, by Press and 
 platform, accused him of professing principles he 
 would not put into practice, and it cost him many 
 votes. For some reason all the Dissenting in- 
 terest went against Thackeray and a great many 
 of the old Freemen, Scot and Lot voters, were 
 cheaply purchased and voted against him. 
 
 " I spent one day with the great man canvassing 
 in two of the poorer districts of the City and am 
 always pleased to recall it as one of the pleasant- 
 est days in my life. We interviewed a great many 
 people and it was an education to me to note how 
 he adapted himself to all. With the intelligent he 
 conversed as with equals; to the poor and un- 
 taught he was courteous, but not patronizing; to 
 the rude, dignified without being unkind. Op- 
 ponents he met frankly, arguing calmly, as one 
 convinced of the justice of his own opinions. But 
 for trimmers he did not hesitate to show his con- 
 tempt. I remember one case in point. We 
 searched awhile for one voter and at length ran 
 him to earth in a beer-house. He was politely 
 
 5
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 asked for vote and interest, but at once began to 
 hedge and talk of considering, making it very clear 
 that he wanted a bribe. Thackeray turned away 
 in disgust and rather sharply called on us to fol- 
 low and ' leave the fellow alone.' Almost the next 
 man on whom we called was a man of some posi- 
 tion who, on being asked for his vote, at once 
 said — ' No, sir, I am a supporter of Mr. Cardwell.' 
 ' Shake hands, sir;' said Thackeray, ' it is a pleasure 
 to meet such a man as you, who can speak out 
 plainly. Though you are an opponent I am glad 
 
 to make your acquaintance. But as for such d d 
 
 shilly-shallying fellows as we have just left, I'd — 
 kick them !' 
 
 "The election went against us, and the man who 
 took the defeat most calmly was Thackeray him- 
 self. I had been engaged all day at one of the 
 small committee-rooms, and when the polling was 
 over went to the Mitre, which was our centre. 
 From there we went to the Town Hall for the 
 declaration of the poll, and I shall not easily forget 
 the speech, so calm and dignified, made by our 
 Candidate. He knew what arts had been employed 
 against him, but he made no reference to them. 
 He accepted his defeat in a manly spirit, and said, 
 ' I shall now go back to my desk, which perhaps 
 I ought not to have left.' Perhaps he was right, 
 but niany of us felt that Oxford had suffered 
 a great loss in losing the services of such a 
 man." 
 
 It will be remembered that the poll was declared 
 
 6
 
 HIS DEFEAT AT OXFORD 
 
 on July 2 1, 1857, when Thackeray was beaten by 
 67 votes — the figures being, Cardwell, 1085, 
 Thackeray, 1018. 
 
 Thackeray's attitude on other absorbing topics 
 of the day may be found in the following pages. 
 Thackeray the Home Ruler and the "Advanced 
 Liberal" is seen beside Thackeray the wide- 
 minded Churchman. His seeminor hatred of the 
 Irish and the Roman Catholics is transparent 
 enough — it was only those among them who did 
 not "play fair" whom he hated. He loved the 
 Irish ; he had married an Irishwoman, and his af- 
 fection shines out through every satire and most 
 caricatures. He entertained some dislike of 
 Americans, and more of the French ; but equally 
 in these cases it was the worst individual types, 
 or the wrongness of their political acts that he at- 
 tacked: and he was no more conciliatory to un- 
 worthy deeds, political and otherwise, at home. In 
 similar fashion, he satirised the Prince Consort, 
 while, all the time, as he himself explains, he was 
 filled with admiration for his public and private 
 virtues. 
 
 The additional ballads may reveal no new side 
 to his genius for humorous verse, nor the social 
 articles much that is unknown in regard to princi- 
 ple or practical reform ; but that they will add to 
 the completeness of the picture w^hich we already 
 have of the great wa'iter and kindly thinker no one, 
 I think, will fail to see, 
 
 7
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 The amount of work which Thackeray .did for 
 Ptuich is usually estimated by the volumes of his 
 Collected Works that contain " The Book of 
 Snobs," "Jeames's Diary," "Travels in London," 
 " Punch's Prize Novelists," " The History of the 
 next French Revolution," " Mr. Brown's Letters," 
 and other series, as well as the numerous sketches 
 and " Ballads," Irish, constabulary, and the rest, 
 with which the public is familiar. How much 
 busier he was than might be deduced by any such 
 computation may be ascertained by a careful ex- 
 amination of the Bibliography appended to this 
 volume. Even this Bibliography, absolutely com- 
 plete as to the ground that it covers, does not 
 include certain articles and verses which can be 
 recognised by the expert, but which, in the ab- 
 sence of unquestionable documentary evidence es- 
 tablishing their authenticity, it has been thought 
 better to ignore. 
 
 In "The History of PiLiich'' I sought to give 
 some idea of Thackeray's zeal for the paper which 
 had brought him so much renown, by setting forth 
 the exact fis:ures of his contributions over stated 
 periods. To the extent of these labours some ref- 
 erence should here be made. Taking nine con- 
 secutive volumes belon2:ina: to the vears that saw 
 Thackeray's least interrupted labour for the paper 
 — namely, from the beginning of 1844 to 1848, we 
 find the following record : —
 
 HIS WORK ON PUNCH 
 
 Year. 
 
 Volume. 
 
 Columns Contributed. 
 
 1844 
 
 VI. 
 
 ?^% 
 
 columns, 
 
 1844 
 
 VII. 
 
 24^ 
 
 (( 
 
 1845 
 
 VIII. 
 
 24 
 
 (( 
 
 1845 
 
 IX. 
 
 4.si 
 
 << 
 
 1846 
 
 X. 
 
 397 
 
 (( 
 
 1846 
 
 XI. 
 
 *> 
 
 (( 
 
 1847 
 
 XII. 
 
 46 
 
 a 
 
 1847 
 
 XIII. 
 
 7^ 
 
 a 
 
 1848 
 
 XIV. 
 
 39i 
 
 a 
 
 
 Total 
 
 Zl(^ 
 
 a 
 
 Average 
 
 
 
 
 per volume 
 
 37i 
 
 " or i^ per week. 
 
 This weekly average, of course, was below his 
 appointed contribution. To the individual mem- 
 bers of the staff was regularly appointed a certain 
 amount of space which, theoretically, they were ex- 
 pected to fill. Thus Douglas Jerrold's share was 
 162 columns in each half-yearly volume (or 6^ a 
 week); Gilbert Abbott a Beckett's, 135 (weekly 
 average 5!^) ; Percival Leigh's, Tom Taylor's, and 
 Horace Mayhew's, 54 (weekly, 2 columns); and 
 Thackeray's 46 (weekly i-\l). His space was the 
 least accorded to all those who have been men- 
 tioned, for his work on Eraser and elsewhere pre- 
 vented him from regarding Punch, as many of the 
 others did, as the preponderant channel for his lit- 
 erary and artistic energy. As a matter of fact, 
 not one of them came up to his average, for, dur- 
 
 9
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ing the whole period named, Douglas Jerrold's 
 total was 729 columns (average 81 per volume); 
 Gilbert a Beckett's, 900 (average 100); Percival 
 Leigh's, 348 (average 40); Horace Mayhevv's, 280 
 (average 31); and Tom Taylor's, 175 (average 20). 
 It has happened in Thackeray's case that, when 
 occupied in preparing a series of articles, he would 
 allow a month or two to elapse without appearing 
 in PuncJis page at all. Thus in the seventh vol- 
 ume, for the year 1844, when he undertook the 
 trip which resulted in " Mr, Punch in the East," 
 his record is as follows : 
 
 July. 
 
 8 
 
 Aug. 
 
 5i 
 
 Sept. 
 
 6 
 
 Oct. 
 
 
 Nov. 
 
 
 Dec. 
 
 4l 
 
 Total. 
 24i 
 
 Weekly. 
 
 I col. 
 
 It is somewhat strange that a man of such quick 
 and fruitful imao^ination should have achieved so 
 little success in PttncJis councils as a suggestor of 
 subjects for the weekly cartoon. It will be re- 
 membered that the duty of Punc/is staff - officers 
 is not only to contribute each week their usual 
 quota of texts and illustrations, but also to attend 
 the Wednesday dinner in order that they may 
 join in the political and social discussions that 
 follow it for the evolution of a subject for the Car- 
 toonist. Within the period here dealt with, Mark 
 Lemon proposed five-and-thirty cartoons, Henry 
 May hew twenty, Douglas Jerrold sixteen, Hor- 
 ace Mayhew fifteen, and so forth, while Thack- 
 
 10
 
 ^(ilii 
 
 < 
 < 
 
 O 
 
 o 
 
 H 
 CO 
 
 D 
 OJ 
 
 O 
 
 o 
 
 w 
 
 O 
 
 H 
 
 o 
 
 
 •^■1 
 
 •2 ^ 
 
 
 ^ 
 
 
 I'allUi
 
 HIS SUGGESTIONS FOR CARTOONS 
 
 eray made only four suggestions which found 
 favor at " the Table " and which were accordingly 
 adopted. 
 
 The first of these was entitled " Who's Afraid ? 
 OR, THE Oregon Question ;" drawn by John Leech 
 and published in No. 196, on the 12th April, 1845. 
 This dispute with America concerning the boun- 
 dary line running through the Oregon territory 
 had given grave anxiety ; or, according to Pwicli, 
 " some of the American statesmen ' talked loud ' 
 and frightened many old ladies on this side of 
 the Atlantic." President Polk's Address was not 
 calculated to allay public anxiety, and an Ameri- 
 can vote replied to British preparations. In this 
 cartoon Sir Robert Peel and a typical Amer- 
 ican (according to Leech's notion) are on the 
 ground preparing for a duel. Sir Robert Peel 
 has his pistol in hand and looks mischief. He 
 is seconded by the Leader of the Opposi- 
 tion, little Lord John Russell — an allusion to 
 the solidarity of British opinion. In the back- 
 ground President Polk, or the agitated Amer- 
 ican figure who does duty for him, looks in alarm 
 at his amiable second, King Louis Philippe, who 
 offers him a pistol with the words, " Courage, mon 
 President; visez ait coeurr Without either re- 
 moving his pistol-hand from his pocket or reliev- 
 ing his right of his cigar, the champion anxious- 
 ly inquires — " Do you think he's in arnest .?" It 
 may be observed that by some strange oversight 
 the drawinof on this block has not been reversed, 
 
 II
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 SO that every actor in it appears to be left- 
 handed. 
 
 Nearly four months later (9th August, 1845) 
 Thackeray helped Leech to one of his most popu- 
 lar hits. Douglas Jerrold's Mrs. Caudle was de- 
 livering her course of Curtain Lectures to the up- 
 roarious delight of the British public. To the 
 eighth lecture Leech had contributed a small illus- 
 tration, representing Mrs. Caudle in frilled night- 
 cap, lying in bed, and holding forth to her weary, 
 persecuted spouse on the wickedness of free- 
 masonry in general, and on the keeping of its 
 secrets in particular. It occurred to Thackeray 
 one day to adapt this capital drawing to the illus- 
 tration of the Curtain lectures habitually adminis- 
 tered by Lord Brougham to the House of Lords, 
 and, inductively, to its Lord Chancellor, Lord 
 Lyndhurst. Leech carried out the notion admira- 
 bly, and it is clear that Douglas Jerrold had a 
 hand in the "cackle" — as the legend beneath 
 illustrations is technically termed. The Cartoon 
 is entitled " The Mrs. Caudle of the House of 
 Lords" — and the spectator who raises his eyes 
 from these words to the caricature, and rests them 
 on the alert and shrewish face of Lord Brougham 
 looking out from the frills of his night-cap, can 
 hardly resist — even now, after so long an interval 
 — the burst of laughter which must rise to his 
 lips. The point of the cartoon is accentuated by 
 the text, " What do you say T asks this political 
 
 Xantippe : " Thank heaven ! Yoit re going to enjoy 
 
 12
 
 A TELLING HIT 
 
 the recess — and y oil II be rid of me for some months? 
 Never mind. Depend upon it, when you come 
 back, you shall have it again. No : I don't raise 
 the House, and set everybody in it by the ears ; 
 but I'm not going to give up every little privi- 
 lege ; though it's seldom I open my lips, goodness 
 knows!" — Caudle Lectures {improved). The hap- 
 py blending of Mrs. Caudle's methods of speech 
 and Lord Brougham's, and their felicitous applica- 
 tion to the circumstances at the period of the pro- 
 rogation, rendered this cartoon one of the most 
 popular and most warmly-received that ever was 
 published in Punch. 
 
 The subject of the next caricature is fully re- 
 ferred to where the " Extract of a Letter on the 
 Late Crisis " is dealt with. When Sir Robert 
 Peel resigned at the end of 1845, mainly owing to 
 dissensions in the Cabinet over the measures to be 
 taken to meet the anticipated failure of the Irish 
 potato crop, and Lord John Russell responded to 
 the summons of the Queen to form a new Ministry, 
 Punch took two distinct views of the situation and 
 expressed them in two separate cartoons on the 
 same day (December 1845; t)ut the Number is 
 the opening one of the first half-yearly volume for 
 1846). The first, inspired by Henry Mayhew and 
 drawn by Leech, represents Lord John, as the new 
 page-boy admitted by the sulky ex-page-boy. Sir 
 Robert Peel, to the presence of the Queen and 
 Prince Albert; the Sovereign looks at him and 
 remarks: " I'm afraid you're not strong enough for
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 the place, John." The skit hit off the situation 
 and expressed the general feeling so exactly that 
 it was loudly applauded. It was, besides, propheti- 
 cally true, and it so neatly represented a not un- 
 common situation that it is quoted to this day. 
 On the opposite page appears Thackeray's view, 
 turned into a rival cartoon by Richard Doyle. On 
 a race-course, with the winning-post marked " Free 
 Trade," Lord John is " up" on "Abolition," and 
 the owner, Richard Cobden, is giving the jockey 
 his last instructions. These plain directions form 
 the title to the caricature : " Never mind losing 
 the First Heat: Go in and win." With this 
 double cartoon Punch comfortably hedged ; it was 
 Thackeray's side that lost ; for not only did Lord 
 John miss the first heat but the second as well, in- 
 asmuch as it was Peel who ultimately rode " Aboli- 
 tion " to the winning-post. 
 
 Thackeray's fourth cartoon " Young Yankee 
 Noodle teachinor Grandmother Britannia to suck 
 Eggs " (21 March, 1846), immediately followed on 
 that representing little President Polk "showing 
 fight" to old John Bull, who exclaims with a laugh 
 — " What ? You young Yankee Noodle, strike 
 your own Father !" Both sketches were drawn by 
 Leech, and heralded the compromise and final set- 
 tlement of the Oregon boundary question. 
 
 That Thackeray might have achieved greater 
 success had he chosen to devote more attention 
 to political caricature can hardly be questioned. 
 It is a form of art in which good drawing is not 
 
 14
 
 THACKERAY AS CARICATURIST 
 
 absolutely essential ; indeed, at the present date 
 we have seen at least one political humorist, 
 whose pencil is not highh'-trained, deservedly com- 
 mand wide popularity by reason of his ingenuity, 
 humour, and concentrated power of good-tempered 
 ridicule. Thackeray, moreover, had the faculty 
 of reproducing likeness ^witness his caricatures 
 of Louis Philippe, which frequently contain the 
 pictorial essentials of the full-dress Cartoon with 
 an added sting that should cause few to complain, 
 as some have done, of his " want of vehemence " 
 in attack.
 
 CHAPTER I 
 VOLUME II. FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1842 
 
 That " The Legend of Jawbrahim-Heraudee " 
 is to be accepted as Thackeray's first appearance 
 in Punch cannot be positively asserted. It can- 
 not even be said with authority that he wrote it. 
 I am absolutely confident that he did ; and besides 
 pointing to its subject and style, I would. adduce 
 as circumstantial evidence the fact that he con- 
 tributed at the same time a Fitzboodle Paper 
 to Eraser s Magazine, in which, arguing that the 
 cigar is a serious " rival to the ladies," he says, 
 " while Mahomet Ben Jawbrahim causes volumes 
 of odorous incense of Latakia to play round his 
 beard, the women of the harem do not disturb his 
 meditations." If, on the other hand, " The Le- 
 gend " is not Thackeray's — a proposition which, 
 such is " The Legend," I decline to admit— it does 
 not follow that the initial chapter of " Miss Tickle- 
 
 A. 
 
 toby's Lecture on English History" constituted 
 his first appearance in Punch; for it must be 
 pointed out that as many items from new or un- 
 known contributors were at that time comprehen- 
 sively entered to the " Editor," it is quite possible 
 
 16
 
 JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 that some of his earlier pieces are lost in the 
 anonymity imposed. In consequence of the in- 
 terest belonging to this contribution, it is here re- 
 printed in full: 
 
 "THE LEGEND OF JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 HERE once lived a 
 king in Armenia, 
 w hose name was 
 Poof-Allee-Shaw; he 
 was called by his peo- 
 ple, and the rest of 
 the world who hap- 
 pened to hear of him, 
 Zubberdust, or, the 
 Poet, founding his 
 greatest glory, like 
 
 Bulwer-Khan, Moncktoon-Milnes- Sahib, Rogers- 
 Sam - Bahawder, and other lords of the English 
 Court, not so much on his possessions, his an- 
 cient race, or his personal beauty (all which, 'tis 
 known, these Frank emirs possess), as upon his 
 talent for poetry, which was in truth amazing. 
 
 " He was not, like other sovereigns, proud of his 
 prowess in arms, fond of invading hostile coun- 
 tries, or, at any rate, of reviewing his troops when 
 no hostile country was at hand, but loved Letters 
 all his life lono^. It was said, that, at fourteen, he 
 had copied the Shah-Nameh ninety-nine times, 
 and, at the early age of twelve, could repeat the 
 B 17
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Koran backwards. Thus he gained the most 
 prodigious power of memory; and it is related of 
 him, that a Frank merchant once coming to his 
 Court, with a poem by Bui wer- Khan called the 
 Siamee-Geminee (or. Twins of Siam), His Majesty, 
 Poof-Allee, without understanding a word of the 
 language in which that incomparable epic was 
 written, nevertheless learned it off, and by the 
 mere force of memory, could repeat every single 
 word of it. 
 
 " Now, all great men have their weaknesses ; and 
 King Poof-Allee, I am sorry to say, had his. He 
 wished to pass for a poet, and not having a spark 
 of originality in his composition, nor able to string 
 two verses together, would, with the utmost gravity, 
 repeat you a sonnet of Hafiz or Saadee, which the 
 simpering courtiers applauded as if it were his own. 
 
 " The king, as a man of Letters himself, pre- 
 tended to be a great patron of all persons of that 
 profession, inviting them to his Court, receiving 
 them at first with smiles, and fillino- their mouths 
 with sugar -candy and so forth. But smiles and 
 sugar-candy do not cost much ; and, in return for 
 his compliments. His Majesty made the poets pay 
 him very handsomely ; for he sucked their brains, 
 learned their beautiful poems of them, and then 
 showed them the door. In fact, when he had 
 heard their poems once read to him, he could re- 
 peat them without missing a word ; and then he 
 would pretend to be violently angry with the bards 
 for daring to deceive him. ' This an original 
 
 i8
 
 JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 poem!' he would cry; 'Oh, shame-faced rocrues! 
 I have heard it this score of years;' and repeating 
 it, would forthwith call for his furoshes to beat the 
 poets' heels into jelly. Thus he learned a great 
 deal of delightful poetry, and at small charges. 
 Now, strange to say, the king had a female slave, 
 the far-famed moon of beauty, surnamed, for the 
 slimness of her shape, Roolee- Poolee, who had 
 almost as wonderful a memory as his himself, and 
 would sit and cap verses with him for weeks to- 
 gether. She knew the works of all sorts of authors, 
 and could repeat you a little lively erotic ditty of 
 Thamaz the Moor, or a passionate tale by Byroon, 
 or a long sanctimonious, philosophic, reflective 
 poem by the famous old Dervish Woordsworth-el- 
 Muddee (or of the lake), and never miss one sin- 
 gle word. To be brief, she was the next person 
 in the kingdom, after the king, for memory; for 
 though she could not, like His Majesty, repeat a 
 poem on hearing it once, after hearing it twice she 
 was perfect in it, and would speak it off without 
 missing a word. And as the poet touchingly ob- 
 serves, that ' Birds of one and the same feather, 
 will frequently be found in one and the same com- 
 pany;' so likewise the Court of Armenia boasted 
 a kindred spirit to that of Poof-Allee and Roolee- 
 Poolee, in the person of the chief of the eunuchs, 
 Samboo Beg. Samboo had been a Shaitan, or 
 printer's devil in the printing-office of Buntlee's 
 J^Jugazeen (the fashionable periodical of Constanti- 
 nople), and thence, after acquiring a love of Let- 
 
 19
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ters and a great power of memory, had been trans- 
 ported to the Armenian Court, where he held the 
 important post before -named. After hearing a 
 thing thrice, Samboo Beg would repeat it without 
 a fault, as he had been frequently known to do 
 with the leading article of the Aurora-Po (the 
 fashionable Court newspaper of Armenia), which 
 he would have read to him while he was beins: 
 shaved in the morning, before he waited upon his 
 Sovereign. 
 
 " Thus, then, the matter stood in this singular 
 court : — 
 
 King Poof- Allee ) ,, 4-4.1- (once 
 
 ,^ . * Ti 1 T) 1 \ could repeat a thing \ ^ ■ 
 Princess Roolee-Poolee t c. \ ■ \ twice 
 
 c u x> \ after hearing j ., . 
 
 Samboo Beg ) ' thrice ; 
 
 and now you must be informed how they put this 
 stransre talent of theirs out to interest. 
 
 "The king gave out that he believed there were 
 no more original poems left in the world, that he 
 believed men of letters were impostors, but that 
 he would give its weight in gold for any original 
 work which a poet should bring him. Those who 
 failed were to suffer the penalty of the bastinado, 
 and were to pay a fine to the crown. 
 
 " Now what did he do } When any poet came 
 to recite. Poof -Alice received him with courtesy 
 sitting on his throne, with his eunuch, Samboo 
 Beg, waiting behind him. 
 
 " As soon as the poet had done his verses, he 
 
 would assume a terrible air and say ' Bankillah, 
 
 20
 
 J AWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 Bismillah, Rotee - Muckun, Hurrumzadeh ! (Ma- 
 homet is the true prophet, and Mecca the Holy 
 City.) Slave of a poet, thou hast deceived me ! 
 this poem, too, is borrowed'; and then he would 
 repeat it himself, and bid Samboo go and fetch 
 Roolee - Poolee (who had been standing all the 
 while behind a curtain and had heard every syl- 
 lable) — and Roolee- Poolee appearing would also 
 repeat the poem ; and as if to put the matter be- 
 yond all doubt, Samboo himself would step for- 
 ward saying, ' Nay, I myself have known the 
 verses for years past! and would repeat them'; 
 as well he mioht, havinix heard them thrice re- 
 peated already, viz., by the inventor, by his Maj- 
 esty, and by Roolee- Poolee. Then if the poor 
 bard could not pay a handsome fine, he was bas- 
 tinadoed ; in fact, to use the monarch's own vile 
 pun, he was completely Bamboozled. 
 
 " It was a wonder then after some time, when the 
 fate of all poets at King Poof-Allee's Court came 
 to be known, that still literary men could be found 
 to spout their verses, and to brave the inevitable 
 bastinado, which was their reward; but such is the 
 infatuation of men of letters in Armenia, Persia, 
 and elsewhere, that they will make poems be they 
 never so much belaboured for them, and there was 
 never a lack of bards to come and sing before the 
 Armenian throne. There was, for instance, the 
 celebrated writer, Mollah Moongoomeree, who re- 
 cited his poem of Eblis, and was beaten according- 
 ly; there was Ulphabeet-Baylee,who sung his little 
 
 21
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 verses to the guitar, and whose heels were scarified 
 for his pains ; and a hundred others whose names 
 might be mentioned, but that the heart grows sick 
 at thinking of the fate which attended these gen- 
 iuses, and at the atrocious manner in which Poof- 
 Allee-Shaw treated them. His conduct you may 
 be sure awakened the deepest indignatTon in all 
 loyal bosoms, and many a conspiracy was hatched 
 in order to put the monarch to shame. 
 
 " Now there lived somewhere on the peak of 
 Mount Caucasus, a famous and wise old bard and 
 prophet, who was chief of the Syncreteek sect of 
 philosophers, and much admired by his followers. 
 They were, though not numerous, yet of undaunt- 
 ed courage, and cheerfully went down at the com- 
 mand of their master, the great jawbrahim-her- 
 AWDEE (may his shadow never be less !), to recite 
 these poems before Poof-Allee, and assert their 
 claims to originality. Alas ! one by one they came 
 back dreadfully bastinadoed ; and the old man, re- 
 volving their wrongs in his mind, determined to 
 avenge them. ' This king,' said he, ' who repeats 
 a poem, when one of my faithful children has ut- 
 tered it — this woman, this rascally black slave who 
 repeats it after the king, what can be their art.^* I 
 am sure they must either take it down in short- 
 hand, or that they must employ some other dia- 
 bolical stratagem !' Accordingly Jawbrahim Her- 
 awdee climbed up to the topmost peak of his 
 mountain, and remained there for three weeks in 
 tremendous meditation ; he lay on his back there
 
 J A W B R A H I M - H E R A U D E E 
 
 in the snow, not caring for the burning noon sun, 
 nor the icy night- wind, but he fasted, and gave 
 up his soul to the contemplation of the heavenly 
 bodies, and at the end of the three weeks came 
 down to the huts and hermitages where the Syn- 
 creteeks inhabited, emaciated certainly, but still, 
 to the astonishment of his disciples, wearing a 
 cheerful aspect. 
 
 " ' My children,' said he, ' I will go down to Ar- 
 menia, and confront this wicked king, who has 
 put our brethren to shame.' And though the dis- 
 ciples clung about him, he yet resolutely deter- 
 mined to go forth, and girded his loins, and mount- 
 ed his dromedary, and descended the rugged sides 
 of the mountain, 
 
 " He took nothing with him but a little bag of 
 rice for himself and his faithful animal, his night- 
 cap, and his harp, which he slung behind him. 
 
 "'If I can't puzzle Poof- Allee-Shaw,' said the 
 sage, ' only Belzeboob himself can hope to over- 
 come him.' 
 
 " In the six-thousandth year of the Hejra, it be- 
 ing the day Nishti, the thirteenth day of the month 
 Ramjam, there was great gloom and despondency 
 in the Court of Armenia — as when was there not, 
 when the heart of Armenia's king was sad.'^ 
 
 " He was ill, and was out of humour — no liter- 
 ary man had appeared before him for many days ; 
 his great soul yearned for new poetry, and there 
 was none to be had. He called upon Roolee- 
 Poolee to recite to him in vain : could she com-
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 pose verses of her own ? and did he not know 
 every poem that ever was written ? He flung his 
 slippers at Roolee-Poolee's head, and the faithful 
 girl retired sobbing. Then he called upon Sam- 
 boo-Beg for a song; but Samboo too failed, and 
 left the royal presence howling, after a vigorous 
 bastinado. Then he told the slaves to bastinado 
 each other all round — which they did ; and after- 
 wards dared not come near their august master, 
 who sate in his divan alone. ' By the beard of 
 Mahomet's grandmother,' said he (and that oath no 
 believer was ever known to break), 'if I do not 
 hear a new poem to-day, I will levy an income-tax 
 to-morrow upon all Armenia.' 
 
 "Just as evening fell, the curtain of the sacred 
 apartment was drawn aside, and the head of the chief 
 of the eunuchs appeared between the interstices. 
 
 '"Grinning hound of a black slave, what wilt 
 thou T said the King — flinging at the same time 
 one of his top-boots in the direction in which the 
 smiling sycophant appeared. 
 
 " ' Light of the world !' replied the faithful negro, 
 ' there's a poet come ! a poet of fame ; no other 
 than the great Jawbrahim Heraudee.' 
 
 "'What! the shiekh of the Syncreteeks.?' cried 
 the king, delighted; ' bring sherbet and pipes — go, 
 slaves, get a collation ready, set the fountains play- 
 ing, bring flowers, perfumes, and the best of every- 
 thino;.' And the deliijhted monarch himself rushed 
 outside the court of the palace to welcome the il- 
 lustrious straniicr.
 
 JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 " There stood indeed the great Jawbrahim; he 
 was not on the back of his dromedary, but led the 
 animal by the bridle: it seemed to bend under the 
 weight of two huge baskets, which hung on either 
 side of his humps. 
 
 " ' Great bard,' said the king, bending low before 
 him, 'welcome to the court of Armenia; thy fame 
 hath long since travelled hither, and Poof-Allee's 
 heart yearns towards the sage of Mount Caucasus.' 
 
 " Jawbrahim-Heraudee, who knew the fallacious 
 nature of his majesty's compliments and welcome, 
 made a stiff salutation in reply to this oratorical 
 flourish, and thus said : ' The fame of Poof-Allee 
 has reached to the summit of Mount Caucasus; 
 the world cries that he is a lover of poetry, and a 
 generous patron of bards — and is it so, O king ?' 
 
 " Jawbrahim spoke these words in such a queer, 
 satiric way, that Poof-Allee did not at first know 
 whether he was complimenting him, or merely 
 laughing at his beard. ' Poetry I love,' said he ; 
 ' poets I respect, if I find them original : but, O 
 Caucasian sage ! many poets have come before 
 me, who were but magpies with peacocks' plumes ; 
 who looked like lions, but lo! when they opened 
 their mouths, brayed like donkeys : these I chas- 
 tise as they deserve ; but the real poet I honour 
 with my soul.' 
 
 " ' Am I a real poet, or a false poet r inquired 
 Jawbrahim. 
 
 " ' That I cannot tell, except from reputation, 
 and can only be sure of when I have heard a speci- 
 es
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 men of your art. Be it original, I promise you 
 that, though your work be twenty cantos long, I 
 will pay its weight in gold; but be it a copy (as I 
 shall know, for I know by heart every known poem 
 in the world), I shall exercise upon thy heels the 
 wholesome rattan.' 
 
 " ' May my heels be beaten into calf's-foot jelly,' 
 replied Jawbrahim, ' if the poem I shall sing be- 
 fore your Majesty be not entirely unknown to you. 
 Only the moon has heard it as yet, as I lay upon 
 the snowy peak of Caucasus — or, mayhap, an 
 owl has listened to a stanza or two of it, as he 
 flapped by my midnight couch upon his pinions 
 white.' 
 
 " ' Will you take a trifle of anything before you 
 begin.?' asked the king: but the sage only waved 
 his head in scorn, and, tying up his dromedary to 
 a post in the courtyard, said that he required no 
 refreshment, but would commence his poem at 
 once. Accordingly the monarch and his suite 
 led the way, and seated themselves in the mag- 
 nificent chamber of the palace which was* called 
 the golden nightingale cage, or the hall of song. 
 
 " ' I have, sir, a choice of works which I can re- 
 cite to you. Will you have a sonata to Sweden- 
 borg, an ode to Madame Krudner, or a little di- 
 dactic, enclytic, aesthetic — in a word, synthetic 
 piece, on the harmony of the sensible and moral 
 worlds and the symbolical schools of religion V 
 
 '"The subjects, sir, do honour to your morality,' 
 replied the king, ' but strike us as rather tedious.' 
 
 26
 
 J AWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 " ' My ode to my country ? — 
 
 O for dear Little Britain — for dear Little Britain — my 
 
 country. 
 Close to Goswell-street road, — closer to Simmary Axe, — 
 
 " ' Simmary, my lord, is not the real, and, so to 
 say, organic pronunciation of the term — but rather 
 the synthetic and popular one. 
 
 O for dear Little Britain, that's near thy row Paternoster, 
 Near to the Post-office new, near to the Bull and the 
 Mouth, 
 O for Aldersgate pump !" — 
 
 " ' Those jaw-breaking hexameters and pentame- 
 ters, O sage !' here interposed the monarch, who 
 had already begun to yawn, ' were never much to 
 my taste; and if you will please to confine your- 
 self to some metre more consonant to the Arme- 
 nian language ' — (in which dialect, it need scarce- 
 ly be stated that the poet and the monarch both 
 spoke), — ' if you will condescend to try rhyme, or 
 at the worst, blank verse, I shall listen with much 
 greater pleasure.' 
 
 " ' Sire, I will enunciate a poem in sixteen cantos, 
 if you please, and written in the Dantesque tei^za- 
 rima' But the unconscionable Sovereign of Ar- 
 menia, knowing the extreme difficulty of hunting 
 up the rhymes in that most puzzling of metres, 
 begged Jawbrahim rather to confine himself to 
 blank verse : on which the Caucasian sage, taking 
 
 his harp, sung as follows: 
 
 27
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Eastward of Eden lies the land of Nod ; 
 
 There grew an old oak in the vale of Ely — 
 
 Old as the world, in lasting marble dure. 
 
 The threefold serpents animating clasp 
 
 The mundane ^gg, and wondrous trident coil'd, 
 
 The cataracts of everlasting heaven, 
 
 The fountains of the co-eternal deep, 
 
 Defined anon, and growing visible, 
 
 Undimm'd shone out clear as the hour of dawn ! 
 
 Harmonious symmetry, proportion bland ! 
 Visions were thine wherein the sculptile mind 
 Twin'd with the harmless serpent as in sport. 
 Till grew his aspect spectral, and his eye 
 Flitting athwart a place of sepulchres. 
 Hung o'er his shoulders broad and on his breast. 
 
 •JT tF tP •?? -TT ^ 
 
 Consistency, eternity's sole law, 
 
 The indefatigable universe, 
 
 Substance with attribute. * * * 
 
 " Then entering into his theme, the poet after 
 these preparatory considerations gave utterance to 
 his SLibHme epic, which is far too long to be noted 
 here. He spoke of the vision of Noah, and the 
 Book of Enoch ; he spoke of the children of Cain, 
 of Satan, Jiidael, Azazael ; and when he arrived at 
 that splendid part of his work in which he cries — 
 
 Oh, Amazarah ! most majestical 
 
 Of women, wisest and most amorous ! 
 
 he looked up at the king and paused, expecting 
 no doubt that applause would ensue. 
 
 '' The king bounced up on his seat — the black
 
 JAWBRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 eunuch suddenly started and opened his great gog- 
 gling black eyes — the lovely Roolee-Poolee stretch- 
 ed out her fair arms and gave a yawn. The fact 
 is, they had all been asleep for hours. 
 
 '"Samboo — Roolee-Poolee,' cried the Monarch, 
 ' I was a little overtaken and did not hear that 
 awful long poem, but you can repeat it, can't ye.?' 
 Samboo and the lady could not repeat one word of 
 it. They began to stammer ' the catechisms of 
 everlasting Heaven,' — ' the mundane egg in won- 
 drous trident boiled ' — ' the harmless spectral ser- 
 pent with his eye flitting athwart a pair of spec- 
 tacles ' — 'but as for repeating the whole of the 
 lines, that was impossible. The king was obliged 
 fairly to give in, and to confess for the first time 
 in his life that the poem he had heard was orig- 
 inal. 
 
 " ' O sage,' said he (in quite a new compliment), 
 ' your poem does equal credit to your head and 
 heart. I cannot reward you as you merit, but that 
 poor guerdon which my straitened circumstances 
 permit me to offer to the original poet is justly 
 thine. Take thy poem to my treasurer, have the 
 book in which it is written weighed against the 
 purest gold, and by the beard of the prophet's rel- 
 ative, the orold shall be thine.' 
 
 " ' Will it not please you to hear the rest of the 
 
 poem, sire ?' said the sage, ' there are but forty 
 
 thousand lines more, and having vouchsafed to 
 
 give me a patient hearing since yesterday,' — 
 
 " ' Since w/ie7i T exclaimed Poof-AUee. 
 
 29
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 '"Since yesterday at sunset, when I began; and 
 the stars came out, and still my song continued ; 
 and the moon rose, and lo ! my voice never fal- 
 tered ; and the cock crew, but we were singing 
 before him; and the skies were red, and I, like 
 the rising sun, was unwearied ; and the noontide 
 came and Jawbrahim Heraudee still spake of Aza- 
 zael and Samiasa.' 
 
 " ' Mercy upon us, the man has been talking and 
 we have been asleep for four- and -twenty hours,' 
 cried lovely little Roolee-Poolee. 
 
 '"Your Majesty paid me a compliment not to 
 notice how the hours flew,' said Jawbrahim, ' and 
 I will now proceed, by your leave, with the 44th 
 canto: besrinninsf with an account of the birds' — 
 
 Then came the birds that fly, perch, walk, or swim, 
 On trees the Incessorial station hold, 
 The Gallinaceous tribes must feed and walk ; 
 The Waders * * * # 
 
 " ' Hold your intolerable tongue, O poet with a 
 burned father!' roared King Poof-Allee in a fury. 
 ' I can bear no more of thy cursed prate, and will 
 call my slaves with bamboo canes if thou utterest 
 another word.' 
 
 " ' Thou promisedst me gold and not a beating, 
 O king!' cried the sage, scornfully. ' Is it thus that 
 the Armenian monarchs keep their word.^*' 
 
 " ' Take thy gold in the name of the prophet,' 
 replied the king — ' go to my treasurer and he 
 shall pay it to thee,'
 
 J AW BRAHIM-HERAUDEE 
 
 " ' He will doubtless not pay without a draft from 
 thy royal hand.' 
 
 '"I can't write!' shouted the king; and then 
 recollecting himself, and his reputation as a literary 
 genius, blushed profusely, and said, ' that is, I can 
 write, but I do not choose to have my signature 
 in the hand of every rogue who may take a fancy 
 to forge it. Here, take my ring, and Samboo go 
 thou with Jawbrahim ; see his poem weighed by 
 the treasurer, and its weight in gold counted out 
 to the poet (may dirt be flung on his mother's 
 grave). Go, Samboo, and execute my commis- 
 sion.' 
 
 '" On my eyes be it !' replied the faithful negro ; 
 and, with Jawbrahim, whose face wore a look of 
 exulting malignity, quitted the royal presence. 
 
 *^ j#. 4^ .yt, 
 
 W TV" ^P •7i» 
 
 " Some two hours afterwards, the hoofs of Jaw- 
 brahim's dromedary were heard clattering over the 
 paving stones of the court, and the king going to 
 the window, had the satisfaction of beholding that 
 renowned chief of the Syncreteeks pacing solemn- 
 ly by the side of the animal which he led by the 
 bridle. 
 
 " ' May I never see his ugly nose again !' cried 
 Poof-Allee ; ' the rascal's unconscionable poem 
 must have weighed twenty guineas at least' 
 
 " At this moment, and looking rather fright- 
 ened, in came Samboo. He made a low salaam 
 to his master and restored to him his private 
 signet. 
 
 31
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 " ' How much did the old wretch's poem weigh?' 
 asked Poof-Allee. 
 
 '" O, him weighed a berry good deal,' answered 
 Samboo, still salaaming; 'but, massa, treasurer 
 had a jolenty of money, and him paid him poet, 
 and sent him about him business.' 
 
 " ' Did it weigh twenty guineas ?' 
 
 '" O berry much more — him poem in two col- 
 umns.' 
 
 '"Two columns? two vohimcs you mean, you 
 black antigrammarian.' 
 
 " ' Well, two bolumns two columns, two columns 
 two bolumns, him all de same.' 
 
 " ' How do you mean, ruffian ?' shrieked the 
 monarch, when, with some hesitation the negro 
 handed him a paper, thus written : — 
 
 '"Sire, — I acknowledge to have received from 
 your treasurer, Cashee Beg, the sum of two hun- 
 dred and fifty-five billions four hundred and nine- 
 teen thousand nine hundred and six tomauns, two 
 rupees, and sixpence, being the weight of my splen- 
 did epic poem," The Descent into Jericho," recited 
 to your Majesty last night. 
 
 "'And lest. Sire, you should be astonished that 
 such a sum should be paid for a poem (for which, 
 in fact, no money can pay), learn that I had no 
 paper whatever to write (which would have ren- 
 dered the bargain a much cheaper one to your 
 Majesty), but that I was compelled, at much pains, 
 to engrave my epic upon two pillars which I found
 
 SOME INTERPRETATION THEREOF 
 
 in the ruins of PersepoHs, and which now lie in 
 your august treasury. 
 
 " ' I have the honour to be, Sire, 
 
 " ' With the utmost respect, 
 "'Your Majesty's most faithful Servant, 
 
 " ' JAWBRAHIM-HERAWDEE SVNCRETEEK.' 
 
 " Fancy how poor Samboo Beg was bambooecl 
 that night! how the treasurer was fustigated, how 
 all the clerks of the treasury were horsed and 
 swished ! — 
 
 " Anything like the rage of Poof-Allee was never 
 known since the days when Achilles Khan grew 
 furious whilst laying siege to the town of Shah 
 Priam. As for Jawbrahim-Herawdee, he returned 
 safely among the Syncreteeks, and spent his money 
 in publishing several immortal works which have 
 rendered his name beloved and celebrated ; and 
 never after that did Poof-Allee-Shah pretend to be 
 a man of letters, or try to swindle poor literary 
 gentlemen any more. 
 
 " This story is taken from the ancient Chron- 
 icles, written in the Armenian lano^uao'e, and suno- 
 by the shepherds of the Caucasus as they drive 
 down their flocks to water by the Red Sea. Praise 
 be to Mahomet and the twelve Imaums!" 
 
 The reader will have observed a number of turns 
 of expression as well as endowment of English 
 names with pseudo - Arabic form, which are dis- 
 tinctive of certain other of Thackeray's contribu-
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 tions which are dealt with hereafter. This Orien- 
 talising, as it were, of literary celebrities and their 
 works is characteristic of the writer's fun ; and the 
 references will for the most part be at once under- 
 stood. Some, however, may not so readily recog- 
 nise Tom Moore in " Thamaz the Moor " ; the 
 Morning Post in "Aurora Po " ; the Rev. Robert 
 Montgomery in " Mollah Moongoomeree," and 
 his poem of " Satan " in its Mahometan form of 
 " Eblis " ; F. W. N. Bayley (called " Alphabet Bay- 
 ley," an early contributor to Punch) in " Ulpha- 
 beet-Baylee "; or even Lytton's prodigious poem 
 of "The Siamese Twins" in Bulwer- Khan's " Si- 
 amee-Geminee." 
 
 VOLUME IV. FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1843 
 
 " The Sick Child " — a rather poor set of verses 
 upon an over-eaten little boy, with an illustration 
 by John Leech (see No. 79) — we may presumably 
 determine by the pseudonymous signature of 
 " The Honourable Whilhelmina Skeggs," seeing 
 that Thackeray certainly affixed the name of 
 Goldsmith's creation to the letter entitled " A 
 House at the West End," in 1845 (Vol. ix., p. 55), 
 having already introduced the character into 
 " Strange Insult to the King of Saxony " (Vol. vi., 
 p. 243). A little later on (May 20) he protests in 
 a characteristic drawing against the " Assumption 
 of Aristocracy," illustrating an article by Gilbert 
 Abbott a Beckett wherein the impudence of the 
 
 34
 
 A CUNNING ASSUMPTION 
 
 notorious " Baron Nathan " is amusingly gibbetted. 
 That well-known and really popular dancing-mas- 
 ter, who was for many years Master of the Cere- 
 monies at the Rosherville Gardens, was originally 
 
 ASSUMPTION OF ARISTOCRACY 
 " CHve that card to )'our master, and say a gentleman wants to see him." 
 
 known, we are told, as Mr. Nathan. The astute 
 M.C. assumed the name of Baron, and in due time 
 dropped the Mr., and requested his friends to do 
 so too and to " call him by his first name," to the 
 amusement of society and the awesome respect of 
 
 35
 
 THACKERAY AND. /^ UNCH 
 
 the groundlings. PuncJi found Baron Nathan out 
 and was fond of making at his expense announce- 
 ments such as this: " Fashionable Intelligence: 
 Baron Nathan has left Kennington for the West 
 End, by the Paragon omnibus. The Baron, being 
 unable to find an inside-place, took the oaths and 
 his seat on the coach-box." 
 
 VOLUME VL FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1844 
 
 Under the heading of " Important Promotions! 
 Merit Rewarded !" (p. 15) we have some character- 
 istic fooling based on the idea that Jenkins [PuncJis 
 personification of his then bete noire, the Morning 
 Post) has been made a peer and Duke of France, 
 by the French King, Henry V., while Mr. James 
 Grant, the journalist (not the novelist), editor of 
 the Moiniinz Advertiser 2iwA the author of a much- 
 discussed book, " Paris and its People," has also been 
 appointed Chevalier of his Order of the Pig and 
 Whistle. In a Circular issued to the French 
 nobility Jenkins invites them to celebrate the 
 event at his rooms in Upper Camomile Buildings, 
 Little Short's Gardens, fifth floor, when " La No- 
 blesse est price d'apporter son propre tabac." The 
 Patent is thus expressed : 
 
 " NOUS HENRI ROI DE FRANCE ET DE NAVARRE, A 
 TOUS PRESENS SALUT. 
 
 " Voulant reconnaitre les services de notre fidele 
 et aime domestique " — [a sly stab, this] — " Jean 
 
 36
 
 "AN AUDACIOUS FORGERY" 
 
 Thomas Jennekins, envers nous et notre couronne; 
 NoMMONS notre dit ami, Due et Pair de France 
 et de Navarre, avec les titres de Due de la Pluche, 
 Marquis de I'Aiguillette, Comte et Seigneur de la 
 Soniiette-de-rAntichambre. 
 
 " Henri. 
 "Par le Roi, Le Secretaire de I'Office, De la P1eur 
 de Jasmin." 
 
 Then follows in the next number, with an illustra- 
 tion by Leech, " The Ducal Hat for Jenkins " (p. 
 32), a bright sketch into which the Prince Consort, 
 who had designed a new shako — then recently dis- 
 tributed to the army, and one of PiincJis frequent 
 butts — was good-humouredly introduced. 
 
 "We hasten to lay before our readers the fol- 
 lowing ill-spelt and worse-conceived communica- 
 tion. . . . We unhesitatingly pronounce the letter 
 AN AUDACIOUS forgery"; while, as to the author of 
 it, " we leave him to the pangs of his own conscience 
 and the opprobrium of an indignant public." The 
 "forgery" is then printed: — 
 
 "AN DEN HERRN HERRN PUXSCH, HOCHWOHL-GE- 
 BOREN, STRAND, LONDON. 
 
 " Windsor, Jan. 7. 
 
 " Plelt- Marshal His Royal Highness Brince 
 Albert, D.C.L., bresents his gombliments to Mr. 
 Punch. 
 
 " Having heard of the bromotion of Mr. Jenkins 
 by H.R.H. the Comte de Chambord, the Fielt-
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Marshal has retired to his study and gombosed for 
 the use of Herzog Jenkins and the other Dukes 
 who have been greated by the D. of Bordeaux, a 
 
 DUCAL HAT . . . 
 
 " The dugal goronet, it vill be obserfed, will sur- 
 mounts de hat, vich may be a livery hat, a beafer 
 hat, or vat you call a four-and-nine, at bleasure. 
 
 " De gockade vill be vite (emblematic of videlity, 
 burity, and the house of Bourbon): 
 
 " Ven de hat grow old (or vat you call zeedy), Brinz 
 Albert has arranged so dat it vil make a beawdiful 
 and ornamendal flovver-bot for a drawing-room vin- 
 dow. Dis vas also de indention of de military hat 
 vich has obdained so much bobularity in de army. 
 
 " B.S. — I berceif dat Herr Grunt, de zelebrated 
 liderary man, has been greated Ritter of de Order 
 of de Big (pig) and Vistle. I afe no vistles, but I 
 can subbly him from my farm vid some bigs very 
 fine." 
 
 • 
 
 The next contribution consists of a long and 
 elaborate piece of chaff of " The Moral Young 
 Man." This was James Grant again. He had 
 written another well advertised book — ^"The Great 
 Metropolis " — which by its inflated tone, its indif- 
 ferent style, doubtful accuracy, and tendency to 
 snobbery, tempted Thackeray to this parody — a 
 humorous sketch that might almost have taken its 
 place as a chapter in the " Book of Snobs." As 
 Thackeray here introduces some grotesque allu- 
 sions, not always pleasant, by the way, to some of 
 
 38
 
 A "LADY OF LITERATURE" 
 
 the aristocratic writers of the day, a special quota- 
 tion from the article is desirable. 
 
 "NOTICE. 
 
 " We mentioned, in a former Number of this 
 periodical, that we had engaged, at immense out- 
 lay, and in accordance with the wishes of a num- 
 erous class of the British public, a moral young 
 MAN, well known in the world of letters and news- 
 papers, and enabled, from his experience, his op- 
 portunities, his learning, and his peculiar turn of 
 mind, to impart to our little journal that tone of 
 gravity and decorum which by some it has been 
 found to lack. . . , 
 
 " In his literary lives the moral young man natur- 
 ally (and gracefully, as we think) begins with the 
 people of title who adorn both the Red Book, and 
 the still more ennobling calendar of the Muses. 
 
 "LEAVES FROM THE LIVES OF THE LORDS OF 
 
 LITERATURE. 
 
 " By THE Author of ' Paddington and its People,' 
 ' The Great Necropolis,' &c., &c. 
 
 " Blessington, The Countess Marguerite of. 
 — The author may be a proud man whose work 
 commences with such a name as that of the above 
 distinguished scion of the aristocracy. Sir Joshua 
 Lawrence's portrait of her ladyship, which has 
 been engraved several times, has rendered her 
 
 39
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 form and features familiar to the British public, 
 and therefore I need give no portrait of them here. 
 Suffice it to say, that both are (as far as poor hu- 
 man nature can be, and indeed which of us is?) 
 faultless. Her ladyship's style of writing is ditto; 
 and her works, both of history and fiction, are 
 ornamented with a great number of phrases both 
 in French and Italian, which sparkle through her 
 English like gems in the night. To the merits of 
 these works the whole British Press bears witness. 
 ' Brilliant, charming, elegant, graceful,' are expres- 
 sions, I may even say epithets, rung out in the 
 fair Countess's praise by every critic in these do- 
 minions. Those gents who bestowed such lauda- 
 tory conipliments upon her ladyship's productions 
 are, I observe, rather shy of quoting anything 
 from them. And why } — - from envy to be sure, 
 as I have often found in my own case ; the review- 
 ers being afraid lest their criticisms should appear 
 stupid and uninteresting by the side of the writ- 
 er's delightful text. 
 
 " My avocations as a member of the press and a 
 leader of public opinion, have prevented me from 
 reading any of her ladyship's works ; and as I 
 know nobody who has, I am not enabled to fur- 
 nish the reader with a cataloo^ue of them. 
 
 " Her ladyship's house is at Kensington,* and 
 is named, I understand, after another fair author- 
 
 * Gore House, which came into the hands of Alexis Soyer, 
 as is set forth later on. 
 
 40
 
 "LITERARY GENTS" 
 
 ess, who shall be mentioned in her place. I do 
 not visit there, and therefore of course cannot de- 
 scribe the contents of the mansion ; need I say I 
 should be happy to do so ? 
 
 " The Countess is a Peeress in her own right, 
 and was elevated to that dignity upon presenting 
 one of her delicjhtful and successful novels to his 
 late lamented Majesty George IV. Kneeling at 
 the royal feet to receive the Countess's coronet 
 (which is always placed on the head o'f the noble- 
 man or lady at their investiture), the fair Countess 
 dropped one of her gloves ; on which his Majesty, 
 picking it up, observed to Mr. Bentley, the respect- 
 ed publisher, who attended with a copy, ' lloiii 
 soil qiii mal y pensc! This was the origin of the 
 Guelphic order. I have this story from undoubted 
 authority — from a gent indeed, who has written a 
 good deal in Mr. B.'s Miscellany, where I should 
 be very glad to furnish articles at the usual remu- 
 neration per line. . . . 
 
 "Brougham, Lord Henry. — His lordship is, 
 as the world very well knows, a political, or what 
 the admirable Morning Herald calls lego-politi- 
 cal gent. He was educated at Edinburgh, where 
 he became acquainted with little Jack Horner, 
 Judge Jefferies, Editor of the Edinburgh Review, 
 and Admiral the Reverend Sir Sydney Smith, of 
 whom more anonymously. Having finished his 
 studies, he was brought to the bar in London, 
 where he has distinguished' himself in various 
 ways ever since. Being born and bred in thq 
 
 41
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 North, his accent has stuck to him Hke a burr, 
 and he has used that tongue of his to more pur- 
 pose than any gent of the long robe. During the 
 Session as the Times has remarked of him, his 
 labours are tremendous. You may see him in the 
 morning at the House of Lords, or in the Privy 
 Council, the eagerest among the judges there ; 
 and all the time writing off articles for the Edin- 
 burgh Review. In the evening, he is at the Lords 
 again, backing up his friend Lord Monteagle, to 
 whom he is tenderly attached. At night I have 
 myself enjoyed the pleasure of his company at the 
 Garrick's Head, in Bow Street, where he aston- 
 ishes the world by his eloquence. Such is only a 
 part of the life of this restless though brilliant 
 genius ! . . . 
 
 " But it is as a literary man that we are called upon 
 to judge him ; and as such he has been at every- 
 thing. ' His lordship is as a bird that has hopped 
 upon every branch of the tree of knowledge,' as 
 Goethe observes : as Mr. S — m — 1 R — g — rs re- 
 marks, rather coarsely, he has been at everything 
 in the literary way, from p-tch and t-ss to man- 
 si — ghter. A politician, a theologian, an historian ; 
 on classics, optics, physics, metaphysics, he has 
 wrote, and with unbounded applause. All his 
 works are to be had on all these subjects, and at 
 immensely reduced prices. 
 
 " He is a corresponding member of three hun- 
 dred and ninety-six philosophical societies. He is 
 
 the inventor of the Brougham carriage, for which 
 
 42
 
 LORD BROUGHAiM 
 
 every man that uses a cab may thank him. In 
 fact, an equestrian statue of him is to be set up in 
 
 St. Martin's Lane, in a Brougham carriage, as soon 
 as anybody will subscribe for the purpose. 
 
 " He is equally distinguished in. France (about 
 
 43
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 which country, its capital, Paris, and its people, 
 Messrs. Saunders & Ottley have just published a 
 remarkable work). In France he is a member of 
 the National Institute, and also Drum - Major of 
 the National Guards^ King Louis Philippe has 
 had the above portrait of him put up at Versailles. 
 He has in that country a chateau at Cannce, where 
 Bonaparte landed, and where Cannibal the Car- 
 thaginian was defeated by Scipio (no doubt an- 
 other African) in the Roman service ; and there 
 he cultivates the olive-branches which he is in the 
 habit of presenting to King Louis Philippe and 
 our gracious Sovereign. 
 
 " Lord Brougham, unlike other great men, has 
 no envy ; no uncharitableness ; no desire to get 
 his neighbours^ places, or to oust his friends. In- 
 deed, his very enemies admire him more than any- 
 body else. . . 
 
 " Edward, Earl Lytton Bulwer, who is the 
 next noble on my proud list of fame. As an Earl 
 — and his title was actually conferred upon him at 
 his baptism — he could not sit in the House of 
 Commons, and therefore relinquished the vain rank 
 of an hereditary aristocracy to serve his country 
 in Parliament, which he did as member for Lis- 
 keard. He was made Baronet for his services 
 there; in compliment to which he wrote his emi- 
 nent work, ' The Last of the Baronets.' Messrs. 
 Saunders & Ottley will, I daresay, be happy to 
 supply any of my readers with a copy of that per- 
 formance at the usual moderate charge. 
 
 44
 
 LORD LYTTON 
 
 " Sir Edward's labours as an author have been 
 multivarious. He has written histor}', poetry, ro- 
 mance, criticism, politics, the drama. He has had 
 detractors — what great man has not ? I can speak 
 myself from bitter experience. . . . 
 
 "Among the celebrated authors in this family 
 may be also mentioned His Excellency Lord 
 Henry Bulwer, the Ambassador to Madrid, whose 
 work on Paris and the Parisians is, however, alto- 
 gether inferior to a late work, published by Messrs. 
 Saunders & Ottley ; viz. ' Paris and its People ;' 
 and which that admirable journal, the Mornmg 
 Herald, says is to be found on every Englishman's 
 bookshelf. . . . 
 
 "In person, I may add, he is stout and swarthy. 
 He wears a blue coat and brass buttons ; boots 
 named after the famous Prussian partisan, Prince 
 Blucher; silver spectacles, and drab trousers, very 
 much crinkled at the knees. He is about sixty- 
 nine years of age, and lives in Tibbald's Row, Hol- 
 born — at least a gent going into a chambers there 
 was pointed out to me as this above-named pride 
 of our country." 
 
 What a description of Tennyson's " padded man 
 that wears the stays ''! 
 
 " Lady L.'s Journal of a Visit to Foreign Courts " 
 (p. 52) was the diary of Lady Londonderry that 
 created some stir among "the fashion" of the day* 
 and, in spite of the derision of the critics, secured 
 
 * It appeared serially in the New Monthly Magazine. 
 
 45
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 a considerable circulation amonsf readers who care 
 
 O 
 
 greatly for the doings of smart people. Thack- 
 eray's sense of snobbery was tickled, and he ridi- 
 culed the airs as well as the matter of the " Journal" 
 in his " Letter from Lady Judy Punch to Her 
 Grace the Duchess of Jenkins." The Lady Gui- 
 ditta describes how the Duke of Jenkins, Lord St. 
 Paul's, Lady Friarbridge, and Lord Billingsgate 
 read and discuss the Diary and its affected use of 
 French — the whole consisting of two pages of 
 scornful review. 
 
 " What malheur afflige my dear Duchess V So 
 the letter begins, in the spirit of the Journal. " I 
 looked for you in vain last night at Lady Smith- 
 field's. I sent Lord P. to all your accustomed 
 sejours of evenings — I'Hotel de I'Aigle, Route de 
 la Cite ; la Maison de la Conduite Blanche ; le 
 Chateau de Jean de la Paille, a Hampstead — in 
 vain — your Grace was absent. The nobles of the 
 land were without their brightest ornament ; and 
 the dear Duke of Jenkins (who joined us after- 
 wards) was seen at his club taking his ordinary 
 rafraichissenient of nioitie et moitie alone." 
 
 Thackeray, in a merry vein, revels in the errors 
 and absurdities of " Lady L.'s Journal," and uses 
 Lord St. Paul's to apply his scourge. When Lady 
 L. complains that few things annoy one more 
 " than the appearance of one's maid by one's bed- 
 side at four o'clock in the morning," he not only 
 expresses delight with the composition (" one only 
 
 finds people of fashion ever use one's language in 
 
 46
 
 LADY LONDONDERRY'S DIARY 
 
 the proper way — does one ?"), but points out that 
 it must be still more annoying for the maid who 
 must get up at three. When she deplores that 
 railway -tarvelling brings one "into contact with 
 all sorts and conditions of people" he objects to 
 "this dangerous sort of writing nowadays," this 
 "shuddering at being brought into contact with 
 fellow-creatures." — (" Fellow -creatures! No, no. 
 For Heaven's sake moderate your expressions !" 
 cries the Duke.) When she says that at Aix, " I 
 took a bath, but cannot say I liked the experi- 
 ment," the reviewer smiles — experiment ! ! When 
 she explains that Ehrenbreitstein is " bristling 
 with its embrasures," he laughs outright — " it is 
 as if we were to say," remarks Lord St. Paul's, 
 " indented with pikes." "As you say," responds 
 the Duke ; " it is only the very highest nobility 
 that can think of such expressions." When she 
 speaks of stopping at a dirty inn at Langenfeldt 
 "where nineteen years ago, returning from Vien- 
 na, we bought and carried off all their china, of 
 which they neither knew the beauty nor the value, 
 but which turned out to be the finest old Dres- 
 den, and once the property of the Margraves of 
 Anspach. The landlord remembered us all " — 
 " No wonder he did," cries Lord St. Paul's, and 
 suggests that perhaps her ladyship put up with the 
 inn again as she suspected there was " more china 
 to be had at Langenfeldt." After an exposure of 
 the French with which the book is so freely gar- 
 nished, Lady Guiditta ends : " It was one o'clock ; 
 
 47
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 one's maid had been in waiting with one's pattens, 
 I don't know how long; and when one got home, 
 one was quite glad to get to one's bed and dream 
 of one of the most delightful soirees one ever en- 
 joyed." 
 
 Under the title of " Biographical and Literary 
 Riddles" and over the sionature of "A Youna: 
 Gent, at Jowell and Hames's" (p. 129) we have a 
 trifle hardly worthy of the author. One of these 
 riddles, at least, may be quoted: "When may the 
 late celebrated Dr. Jenner (whose memoirs I have 
 perused with unfeigned delight) be compared to a 
 certain kind of potato.-^ When it's ' a vaxy natur'." 
 In the same number he begins his amusing chaff of 
 Bulwer Lytton, whom for years he bantered in a 
 good-natured way. On this occasion (as in others 
 later on), under the heading of '"The Author of 
 Pelham'" the novelist's name is the point of at- 
 tack, and Thackeray, in the character of an illiter- 
 ate correspondent, " Bonosmores," inquires whether 
 it is now "Sir Edward George Earl L,ytton Bul- 
 wer" or "Sir Edward George Earl Buhver Lyt- 
 ton," or "Sir Edward Bulwer Earl Lytton George," 
 or "Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton Lytton Bulwer 
 Lytton Earl," and so on ; adding, " We doant whish 
 to be hanswered in joax but seriaiiut in ernest." 
 " Gems from Jenkins " (p. 153) deals with the dog- 
 French advertisements in the Morning Post, and 
 points out, in respect of a selected announcement, 
 " that little boys of six years old will remark with 
 
 pleasure that out of the last twenty-two words 
 
 48
 
 THE TEN HOURS' PROBLEM SOLVED 
 
 in the paragraph only four are right. "We are 
 incHned to think," continues the caustic critic of 
 the aristocracy, "that Jenkins writes bad French, 
 not because he knows no better, but because in 
 the fashionable world good French would not be 
 understood. They don't like it there. They like 
 the French loaded and doctored like their wine." 
 The reader should here be reminded that of the 
 many Jenkins papers in Punch only a few were from 
 Thackeray's hand; the vast majority were by Jerrold. 
 
 In the same number (p. 155), we have Thack- 
 eray's first mock -Irish contribution. This con- 
 sists of a letter, signed " Your obajient Servant, A 
 Mimber of Parliament for Oppressed, Degraded, 
 Miserable, but Beautiful Ireland," on " What 
 should Irish members do in regard to the Ten 
 Hours' Bill.''" The insfenious writer contends that 
 inasmuch as the mill-owners oppose the measure 
 on the ground that by slicing off the last two 
 hours froni the day's labour, those two hours on 
 which their profit depends, the difficulty may be 
 solved and the ruin of the masters averted, by 
 taking " off the two first hours, which are not in 
 the laste profitable, and the matther becomes aisy 
 and comprehensible!" 
 
 The next week — "The History of the next 
 French Revolution" was running the while — there 
 appeared an advertisement, " To Persons of Fort- 
 une," headed " An Eligible Investment," an illus- 
 trated comment on a Times announcement. A 
 
 far more important contribution (April 27, 1844) 
 D 49
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 was entitled " Les Premieres Armes de Montpen- 
 sier; or, Munchausen out-done," which dealt, in a 
 column and a half, with the fantastic despatch for- 
 warded to the French Queen by Colonel Thiery, 
 the aide-de-camp, or tutor, of the young Due de 
 Montpensier, in which the Colonel ludicrously ex- 
 aggerated the heroic gallantry of his young master, 
 magnified the terrific wound which gave no anx- 
 iety and would leave no scar, and enlarged on the 
 unaccountable panic which seized several hundred 
 of the enemy, lodged on a height considered by 
 the Arabs to be impregnable, when they beheld 
 the astounding courage of the youthful warrior 
 and of his brother the Due d'Aumale. Mr. Punch 
 expresses the hope that so imaginative a courtier 
 as M. Thiery, at the approaching visit of the 
 French King, will follow at the sovereign's august 
 back, and make himself known to the Sage and 
 to certain Imaginative English worthies who, how- 
 ever, cannot claim to be quite his equals in his- 
 torical romance. 
 
 The most important, hitherto, of Thackeray's 
 metrical contributions appears on p. 189, entitled 
 "Great News! Wonderful News! Shakspeare 
 compressed." It is a celebration of a reading given 
 at Court by Charles Kemble of Cymbclinc "in an ab- 
 breviated edition," and is to be taken as half attack 
 on, half encouragement to, the Court, rather than 
 as a lampoon on Charles Kemble, one of PitncJis 
 frequent butts. It consists of eighteen verses, and 
 is printed with marginal notes in black-letter. 
 
 50
 
 SHAKSPEARE COMPRESSED 
 
 "GREAT NEWS! WONDERFUL NEWS! 
 
 SHAKSPEARE COMPRESSED 
 
 Pnnri] roonfteretlj tljat 
 S;l)akspfiir£ IjntI) at 
 Ifiigtljnppciireti brfors 
 ije (!lXiU£U£. 
 
 What wonderful news from the Court, 
 Old Will's at the palace a guest, 
 
 The Queen and her Royal Consort 
 
 Have received him " a little compressed." 
 
 ^e eattij ijcr ©rare rotU Who'll venture to whisper henceforth, 
 nor Aima.,nrnfibUH-9. Her Grace loves the Opera best? 
 
 imt take ti)e rigijt Our QuEEN has acknowledged to the worth 
 •ng 18 j£ roaijfi. q^ Shakspeare a little compress'd. 
 
 Heiti)jr iDtU ijcr ©race Who'll talk of Van Amburgh again ? 
 bcastEs iicBiT ito mo. ^^ more are his beasts in request; 
 They're good but for poor Drury Lane, 
 At home She has Shakspeare com- 
 pressed. 
 
 tlor ijc Itttcl fTliuinbe 
 (a Billij Dainr fjlloiut). 
 
 Away with the tiny Tom Thumb, 
 Like mighty NapoleOiV dress'd ; 
 
 For Shakspeare a courting has come, 
 Like Tommy "a little compressed." 
 51
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 prnid) src5 (in T\\Q^ Court in its splendour assembles 
 
 courie assmbif, onb ( i "e play gives its dullness a zest), 
 i^astcr tjtmbif tiif And the last of the Royal old Kembles 
 Reads Shakspeare a little compressed. 
 
 yiaijer mitlj Ijis bolu? . 
 
 ®ijfij formt rcmnii Behold them all diamonds and lewels, 
 
 ring nujaU, iin6 ting. Our QuEEN and our Prince, and the rest ; 
 ting, biiig: ijc piai]f ^s they sit upon gilded fauteuils, 
 
 brginiiitlj. , , ,■ r. 
 
 And listen to Shakspeare compress d. 
 
 Act I. 
 
 X\i firstf ^rtr. 
 (After tljia ijc serumits 
 IjaitB mufftuncs 
 alio:Dt£.) 
 
 Great Cymbeline's Court's in a gloom, 
 Rash PosTHUMUs' flame is confess'd ; 
 
 Poor Imogen's locked in her room, 
 And her love is a little compressed. 
 
 Act II. 
 
 2Vftrr tlje inljicij an 
 intcrlubc of (Dingcr- 
 Crrrc. 
 
 Fair Imogen sleeps in her bed, 
 
 Iachimo lurks in a chest ; 
 What, locked in a drunk .-' the Prince said, 
 
 I think he's a little gompress'd. 
 
 Act III. 
 
 lit tl)ir{)c 3^ctf. 
 "A straungc incififut of 
 imogcn. 
 
 i-lourtslj 
 of (Trnmpfts. 
 
 Now Imogen, flying the Court, 
 
 Appears in boys' trousers and vest ; 
 
 O fie, I\lr. Kemble stops short. 
 And the act is a little compress'd. 
 
 Act IV. 
 
 l)e fonrtlje 'ktXt. 
 t)e Oluteiie's ©rare 
 n)i'cpctl] for Jniogijn, 
 j)00t£ mox^t \ 
 
 When the Queen heard how Imogen died, 
 (Poor child ! like a dove in a nest). 
 
 She looked at the Prince at her side, 
 And her tears were a little compress'd. 
 
 5-
 
 AND PRESENTED AT COURT 
 
 t)£ ffittrcn's 05rn:e 
 rfjoicctlj tl)at Imogijit 
 is DOt BtbiJE. 
 
 Act V. 
 
 But O ! how Her Majesty laughed, 
 When she found 'twasn't dying she saw, 
 
 But fainting, brought on by a draught 
 From Imogen's mother-in-law. 
 
 ®i]£ $)iaij ftcarotti) niai) And now come the Romans in force, 
 to a close. . i t~. • i • • 
 
 And PosTHUMUS comes in their train ; 
 
 t)trtB£ ta rEroartcI). 
 
 iSritannin rulctl) ijc 
 t)£ plaij cnbctlj. 
 
 With their foot, and their chariots, and horse, 
 They come over England to reign. 
 
 Impossible ! here says the Queen — 
 Our lady, with pride in her breast: 
 
 O bring me the lovers again. 
 
 And pray let the fight be compress'd. 
 
 l)e curtain falktlj. 
 
 GRAND TABLEAU. 
 
 ilaster Cicmble boroctij. The lovers are happy as just; 
 
 The lecturer closes his book. 
 And bows from the presence august, 
 W^ell paid with a smile and a look. 
 
 |)imcl) iUoralisctl) 
 
 Great Lady ! the news of thy court 
 
 Poor Piuich has oft read as a pest ; 
 But with this he inclines not to sport. 
 
 As he solemnly here does attest. 
 If it please you our bard to cut short, 
 
 It doubtless is done for the best. 
 Be pleased, too, we pray, to exhort 
 
 Sir Bob with your royal behest 
 To shorten his speeches, and for 't 
 
 Your Grace shall be heartily blest ; 
 
 53
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 And fiercely I'll joke and retort 
 
 On all who your peace would infest. 
 
 And, though joking is known as my forte, 
 I never will jibe or will jest, 
 
 If you'll list to our Poet immort- 
 
 Al, and love him complete or compress'd."
 
 CHAPTER II 
 VOLUME VI. {continued) 
 
 Thackeray's review of the " Academy Exhibi- 
 tion " appeared the following week (May ii, 1844, 
 p. 200). Those who know Turner's passion for 
 rendering such meteorological phenomena as 
 would enable him to deal to his heart's content 
 with light and colour, while attaching to his titles 
 scraps of poetry — chiefly his own, from " The Fal- 
 lacies of Hope " — will appreciate Thackeray's bur- 
 lesque catalogue-entries under " Trundler, R.A.": 
 
 " 34. A Typhoon bursting in a simoon over the 
 whirlpool of Maelstrom, Norway, with a ship on 
 fire, an eclipse, and the effect of a lunar rainbow. 
 
 O Art, how vast thy misty wonders are, 
 
 To those who roam upon the extraordinary deep ; 
 
 Maelstrom thy hand is here. 
 
 From an unpublished Poem. 
 
 "4. (Great Room). Hippopotamuses at play in 
 the river Scamander. 
 
 "1311. The Duke of Wellington and the 
 Shrimp* (Seringapatam, early Suarin). 
 
 * Suggested by the Napoleon picture — " The Exile and the 
 Rock Limpet." 
 
 55
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 And it can be, thou hideous imp, 
 That life is ah! how brief, and glory but a shrimp! 
 
 Frotn ail unpublished Foetn. 
 
 " We must protest against the Duke's likeness 
 here ; for though his grace is short, his face is not 
 of an emerald-green colour; and it is his coat, not 
 his boots, which are vermilion; nor is it fair to 
 make the shrimp (a blue one) taller than the con- 
 queror of Assaye ; with this trifling difference of 
 opinion, we are bound to express our highest ad- 
 miration of this work. It is the greatest that the 
 English school of quiet landscape has produced. 
 The comet just rising in the foreground, and the 
 conflagration of Tippoo's widow in the Banyon 
 forest by the sea-shore, are in the great artist's hap- 
 piest manner." 
 
 Maclise is bantered for his numerous pictures 
 from " The Vicar of Wakefield," and Landseer is 
 satirised for his realistic accuracy in small things. 
 The (alleged) work that most tickles Thackeray's 
 fancy is — 
 
 "25. The Highland Luncheon. 
 
 'Gin a' the binks that fa' your body, 
 Your bubbly Jock and winsome poddie, 
 Your lilting, lilting, linkum doddie, 
 Should gar your ee, 
 
 " The words of the Ayrshire bard were never 
 more admirably illustrated. The tail of the Kelpie 
 in the distance is, perhaps, a little out of drawing; 
 
 56
 
 A BALLAD OF MALBROOK 
 
 but the Stot is the very picture of Hfe ; and the 
 mutton-ham with which the sheep-dog (both are 
 hkenesses of eminent pohtical characters) is run- 
 ning away, is unparalleled." 
 
 In the same Number we have "A Rare New 
 Ballad of Malbrook, To a new tune," in a pro- 
 logue and eleven verses, in the manner of " The 
 Fine Old English Gentleman." As will be seen, 
 it was a bitter attack on the Duke of Marlborough 
 of the day. An election had been proceeding at 
 Woodstock, and a portion of the electoral ammu- 
 nition against the Duke's part in it consisted in a 
 list of alleged mean and cruel persecutions of the 
 poor of his neighbourhood. Jerrold had already 
 produced a scathing article upon the text the week 
 before ; and Thackeray followed it with his " rare 
 new ballad." It was remembered at the time that 
 Woodstock was the scene of painful elections. 
 Only six years before, in 1838, Lord John Churchill 
 had contested the seat against his brother Lord 
 Blandford, and had lost it by only five votes, after 
 an extremely bitter struggle. On the present oc- 
 casion, when the anger of Punch and of the coun- 
 try had been aroused by the painful revelations, 
 the contest was carried on by Mr. Humfrey, the 
 opposing candidate, hardly less vigorously or acri- 
 moniously for the fact that the Duke had rejected 
 the candidature of Mr. Thesiger in favour of his 
 son. Lord Blandford.
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 "A RARE NEW BALLAD OF MALBROOK. 
 
 ®o a Xcu) (Tunc. 
 
 TO BE SUNG AT WOODSTOCK, AT THE ELECTION DINNER THERE, 
 
 Last evening I did sup at Joy's Hotel, 
 Where, to the merry clinking of the can, 
 
 Great Evans (who can troll the chorus well) 
 Did sing "the Good Old English Gentleman." 
 A gallant song it is, of moral plan. 
 
 And somehow always makes my bosom swell. 
 
 Strange visions in my sleep that evening ran; 
 
 I was again a boy of Oxenford, 
 And, all unheeding of the Proctor's ban. 
 
 To famous Woodstock town had driven my tan- 
 Dem, and was strolling upon Blenheim sward : 
 
 Whom should I see approach but Blenheim's Lord. 
 He, too, the tune I heard at Joy's began, 
 
 And thus he sung — 
 
 (5oob ®ib CnglisI) ©cntlcmon. 
 
 I'll sing you a good old song, about England's days of 
 
 splendour; 
 John Churchill was the famous Duke that did our race 
 
 engender. 
 And as he beat the French, and was our country's best 
 
 defender. 
 Why he took money from Queen Anne and likewise from 
 the Pretender. 
 
 Like a brave old English nobleman, 
 Of the good old honest time. 
 58
 
 A BALLAD OF M ALB ROOK 
 
 Lord, Lord, it is a dreadful thing to think what my sires 
 
 got thro' in 
 A century or so of reckless life, and made extravagant 
 
 doing ; 
 With building, racing, dicing, eating, drinking, courting, Jew- 
 
 They emptied Great John Churchill's bags, and left poor 
 me to ruin. 
 
 Those brave old English noblemen, &c. 
 
 This nation was ungrateful, and so I plainly tell them. 
 Why give us Churchill's park of trees, and then not let 
 
 us fell them ? 
 Why give us gold and silver plates, and then not let us 
 
 sell tliem ? 
 Plate we had, but mutton and beef we could very seldom 
 
 smell them. 
 
 We poor old English noblemen, &:c. 
 
 As the people treated us so base, why it is my maxim. 
 Whenever I get a poor man down, never to relax him; 
 Whenever I have a tenant safe, how I squeeze and tax 
 
 him ; 
 Whenever he will not pay his rent, I sells him up and racks 
 
 him. 
 
 Like a true old English nobleman, Sec. 
 
 My ancestors an almshouse built* — (the greater asses they) 
 For a score of poor old women, as could eat but couldn't 
 pay; 
 
 And they used to come and crawl about, in my great park 
 way ; ^ 
 
 Hang their eyes ! like so many flies, all in the sunshine 
 gay ! 
 
 What a sight for an English nobleman, &c. 
 
 *"* Vide Ptmch, No. 147" \i-e., Douglas Jerrold's article aforesaid.] 
 
 59
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Their rags and wrinkles made me sick, as sure ' as I wear 
 ermine ; 
 
 To turn them out of Blenheim Park I graciously did deter- 
 mine ; 
 
 So I bricked the Almshouse gate up, and I read my keep- 
 ers a sermon : 
 
 Says I, No more let into my door that poor old crawling 
 vermin ! 
 
 For I'm a true old English nobleman, &c. 
 
 There was John Bartlet,* who picked up a half - eaten 
 rabbit — 
 
 How dared John Bartlet for to venture for to go for to 
 grab it ? 
 
 I sent him to Oxford Gaol because he dared to nab it. 
 
 No more, I warrant you, he'll indulge in that there villain- 
 ous habit, 
 
 And steal from an English nobleman, &c. 
 
 Before he went to Oxford Gaol, this Bartlet had the 
 
 cholera. 
 I promise you, when he came out, his cheeks looked paler 
 
 and hollorer. 
 Fourteen days he lay in gaol, his conduct was intolera- 
 Ble ; and such as practices vice will rue it if they foller her, 
 Says a moral old English nobleman, &:c. 
 
 There was John Harris,* too ; and sir, what d'ye think, 
 He was a-riding on his old horse, and actually gave him 
 
 drink — 
 Gave him drink in Woodstock Pond, at which I could not 
 
 wink ; 
 For I am Lord of Woodstock Town, and will suffer no 
 
 such think, 
 
 As sure as I'm a nobleman, &c. 
 
 " * Vide Punch, No. 147 " [/. c, Douglas Jerrold's article aforesaid.] 
 
 60
 
 THE PUBLIC CLOCKS 
 
 The parker might have let him off, but I was firm to hold 
 out, 
 
 I committed and fined him myself, and so his goods were 
 sold out. 
 
 Ruined he was and turned out of doors, with nought to 
 keep the cold out, 
 
 And the knackers got his silly old horse, and so John Har- 
 ris was bowled out 
 
 By a true old English nobleman. 
 
 So now let's sing God save the king, and the house of bold 
 
 Malbrook, 
 
 Take this here example, rogues, of a gallant English Duke, 
 
 And voters all of Woodstock, let all grumbling be forsook, 
 
 And let my son the marquis, for your parliament-man took. 
 
 P^or he's a true young English nobleman. 
 
 And loves the olden time." 
 
 A protest — one of many made at that time — 
 against the state of the public clocks (May 25) is 
 in Thackeray's characteristic vein : — 
 
 "THE CLOCKS AGAIN 
 
 [ We are atitJiorised to publish the follozving Ex- 
 tract of a Letter from a Yomig Gentleman who 
 lives in the New Road, opposite Marylebonc 
 Church^ 
 
 " \6th May, 1S44. 
 
 "Great heavens! how long is the clock influ- 
 enza to continue ? Invited to dine yesterday with 
 Lady Mary Scramjaw, at half-past seven, in H-rl-y 
 Street, I entered that street, via New Road, pre- 
 cisely as the Clock of M-ryl-b-ne Church indicated 
 
 61
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 the hour to be twenty-five minutes to eight. Two 
 minutes afterwards I knocked at Lady Marys 
 door — 't was ojDened, not by the page, that youth 
 attired in green all over yellow buttons like the 
 cowslip meadows in May — not by her footman, a 
 large man with scarlet whiskers and powder — not 
 by her butler, a person whom I have frequently 
 known to be mistaken for a dean; — but by a maid- 
 servant — a person in curl-papers and red elbows, 
 who stared at me from either side of her smutty 
 nose as she bade me ascend to the salon. 
 
 " I did so, unannounced ; and what was my 
 astonishment on entering the drawing-room, to 
 find a female in a camisole with no front of hair, 
 standing on the centre table and picking out the 
 bits of wax-candle from the chandelier that hangs 
 in the middle of the room ! 
 
 " Heavens ! how she screamed as she saw me. 
 It was Lady Mary Scramjaw herself!! 
 
 *Jf, JA, Jf, Jf. Jf. 
 
 -7t* "A* -7t» •7t» "7i» 
 
 " When herfaintino; form was carried out of the 
 room by the footman (who had his hair in papers) 
 and the butler (without his coat), I found, on glanc- 
 ing at the ormolu clock on the mantle-piece, that 
 it was only Six o'Clock. I had come too early. 
 I had been misled by the Marylebone impostor. 
 Is this not too bad — too ijross ? What are we to 
 trust, if even Church Clocks deceive us ? 
 
 " Adieu — Your distracted, but affectionate 
 
 " Frederic de Montmorency. 
 
 " P.S. — Saturday. I shall never be asked by 
 
 62
 
 A WASHINGTON DEBATE 
 
 Lady Mary again. The Clock is still at 35 min- 
 utes past 7 (hang it!)" 
 
 A lively report, dated from Washington, of the 
 " Animated Discussion of the Pork and Molasses 
 Bill — Glorious Discomfiture of Jer.Diddlers Party," 
 appeared in the same number. This grotesque 
 document, representing the debate as consisting 
 chiefly of abuse, knives, and pistol-shots, after a 
 suitable introduction proceeds: 
 
 "Solomon Crowdy was great in his speech on 
 the Pork and Molasses Bill, and showed up Jer. 
 DiDDLER of Bluenose county, as a swindling do- 
 tard, and Nick Rudge, of Little Jericho, as a mur- 
 derous ruffian. 
 
 "Nick Rudge said Sol. Crowdy was a liar; and 
 pretended to laugh to scorn the assertions of a 
 forger and a bankrupt. 
 
 " Sam Blood said that forgery was a misfortune, 
 and bankruptcy no disgrace. He had been bank- 
 rupt twenty-three times himself. He gloried in it. 
 {Cheers) He would not see his friend the honour- 
 able Sol. Crowdy attacked with starving calumny 
 for such a trifle. 
 
 " Jer. Diddler accused Sol. Crowdy of let- 
 ting off a man who had helped a nigger to es- 
 cape. 
 
 " At this shameful charge, Sol. took out a knife 
 and cut at Jer. Diddler, who, drawing a pistol, 
 levelled at Crowdy, but missed him ; the members 
 on either side rushed in to the rescue ; in the 
 
 63
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 flurry of which knives were used freely, and blood 
 rose above par. 
 
 " Enoch Ram, of Guinea Pig Island, was left in 
 possession of the floor; and, unless a surgeon has 
 doctored him up by this, I doubt will keep the floor 
 a lengthy ish time. He was' knocked down in a 
 mistake by the Hon. Joel Brawn, with a lead ink- 
 stand, which came a little too handy. 
 
 "As Jer. Diddler was going home, Crowdy's 
 son the Major sprung off his board where he was 
 tailoring, and fired a pistol at the Hon. Jer. Did- 
 dler, saying, ' Take that, you old rascal, for firing 
 at my father.' It is said the Major is going as 
 Secretary of Legation to one of the old Courts of 
 Europe,^' — that " enfeebled old Europe " which the 
 report imagines will feel rather abashed at " the 
 august spectacle " of this "free and independent 
 debate." 
 
 Thackeray threw his heart into his next con- 
 tribution. This was the half-bantering but elo- 
 quent denunciation of " The Prince de Joinville's 
 Amateur-Invasion of England" (p. 234) — an open 
 letter " From Punch to Joinville," full of scorn, 
 patriotism, and righteous anger, much what might 
 have been addressed at a later date to the Prince 
 Henri d'Orleans. It is so serious an effort that it 
 should be quoted in full, although Thackeray, in 
 his disgust at the Prince's absurd pamphlet, shows 
 himself more of a France - hater than he really 
 was.
 
 ''PUNCH TO JOINVILLE" 
 
 "PUNCH TO JOINVILLE. 
 
 " Dear Monseig^ieur, 
 " When the bones of the hero, who left a leg- 
 acy to Cantillon for trying to assassinate the 
 Duke of Wellington, were given back to the 
 France which he loved so well — it was you, dear 
 JoiNViLLE, who were despatched to remove the 
 sacred ashes from the rock where they lay. I al- 
 ways had a good opinion of you after your con- 
 duct on that expedition. 
 
 " It must be confessed, the brutal tyrants who 
 murdered the meek apologist of Cantillon, be- 
 haved pretty handsomely in the matter of giving 
 up his Imperial bones. You, Gentlemen of the 
 Belle Poicle* were feasted with the best of wine 
 and victuals: you were received with all the hon- 
 ours that such a brutal and uncivilized nation as 
 ours could invent ; our Government acceded to 
 the request you made ; our men dug up the body 
 you wanted ; our soldiers carried it down to your 
 ships ; our guns fired salutes in its honour and 
 yours ; our officers and governors did their utmost 
 to please and welcome you, and held you out, at 
 parting, the hand of fellowship. 
 
 " The next thing we heard of you, dear Jom- 
 viLLE, was, that you had fiung your best cabin fur- 
 niture overboard ; turned your ship into a fight- 
 ing monster — all guns; and had made a solemn 
 
 * La Belle Poule — the name of the Prince's ship. 
 E 65
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 VOW to die — to sink to a man — 'ods niarlinspikes 
 and lee-scuppers ! — rather than strike to the Eng- 
 lish. 
 
 " Nobody asked you to strike to them. They 
 had just been treating you with every imaginable 
 kindness and courtesy; in reply to which you 
 shook your fist in the faces of the brutal Island- 
 ers, and swore you would never be bullied by 
 them. 
 
 " It was a genteel and grateful way of expressing 
 your sense of a kindness — a polite method of show- 
 ing gratitude worthy of the most civilised nation 
 in Europe. It had not the least bluster or bad 
 taste. It did not show that you had a propensity 
 to quarrel — that rancour was lurking in your heart 
 — that your return for hospitality was hatred and 
 rage. Your conduct was decent and dignified, 
 and worthy of a gallant sailor, a gentleman, and a 
 king's son. 
 
 " The gratitude of your nation is proverbial. 
 The fondness of the Carlists of France for the 
 men who sheltered them and fed them, when 
 their countrymen would have had their heads off, 
 is known by all persons who read a French news- 
 paper. You, of the younger branch, seem also to 
 possess the same amiable quality. 
 
 " What a compliment to our country is this new 
 pamphlet you have been publishing! a compli- 
 ment still greater than that of proposing to fight 
 us with the Belle Pcmle I — You were kindly re- 
 ceived in our perfidious Island last year. You 
 
 66
 
 "PUNCH TO JOINVILLE" 
 
 visited our cities, towns, and country, our towns 
 inland and seaboard. And your benevolent patri- 
 otism instantly pointed out to you, while consid- 
 ering the 'Etai des Forces Navales de la France', 
 that it would be very easy to burn all these fair 
 quiet towns, lying so peaceful and confiding along 
 the water side. They were entirely defenceless, 
 and their unprotected condition touched your 
 great soul, and suggested to your Christian spirit 
 easy opportunity of plunder. 
 
 "Brave Prince: bold seaman: good French- 
 man! — You can't see your neighbour comfortable, 
 but you long to cut his throat. Prudent States- 
 man — you are at peace : but you must speculate 
 upon war ; it is the formal condition of the nation 
 you represent; the refined and liberal, the honest 
 and unsuspicious, the great and peaceful French 
 nation. 
 
 " You want a steam marine for your country, 
 because with it the most audacious aggressive war 
 is permitted. You don't want ' brilliant successes ' 
 any more ; your chivalrous spirit suggests more 
 agreeable conquests. ' With a steam navy,' say 
 you, ' nothing will prevent us from inflicting upon 
 the enemy's coasts losses and sufferings unknown 
 to them hitherto.' The riches accumulated upon 
 our coasts and in our ports would no longer be in 
 safety. Our arsenals are crowded with ships : how 
 they would burn ! Our warehouses are full of 
 wealth — what is it for, but for Frenchmen to plun- 
 der .f* Our women are the most beautiful in the 
 
 67
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 world. Sacrebleu ! how they would scream as 
 five hundred jolly lads from the Belle Poule came 
 pouncing down upon them ! 
 
 " Dear Joinville, I can fancy you dropping 
 down the river Thames, and the generous 
 thoughts filling your bosom as (the Queen per- 
 haps by your side, all smiles and kindness,) you 
 look at the millions of merchant -ships lying 
 round about you. While the sun is shining, the 
 people are shouting welcome, the Queen smiling 
 on his arm — the dear fellow is thinking how glo- 
 rious it would be to burn all those ships and de- 
 stroy that odious scene of peace, plenty, and con- 
 fidence. Dear fellow! nice Prince — God bless 
 you ! 
 
 " I declare I never read a paragraph more credit- 
 able to the writer's head and heart than this: — 
 ' Our present packet-boats would, from their great 
 siviftness, form excelle^tt corsairs in time of war. 
 They could come tip with a merchant-ship, pillage 
 IT, BURN IT, and be away before the war - steamers 
 themselves could reach themr It is quite noble — 
 Christian, thoughtful, princelike, and Frenchman- 
 like — it ought to be printed in large letters, in let- 
 ters of blood for preference. The beautiful reflec- 
 tion of a French philosopher, suggested by a scene 
 of plenty. 
 
 " By heavens ! the extravagances of mad old 
 GiLRAY \sic\ the severed heads and reeking axes, 
 the hideous mixture of grinning and murder with 
 which he was wont to typify a Frenchman, are 
 
 68
 
 "PUNCH TO JOINVILLE" 
 
 feeble compared to this. Here is a lad— the hope 
 of the nation — anxious to maintain ' the honour of 
 France ' — and how ? by murdering, pillaging, burn- 
 ing, butchering in England. His argument is — 
 You are at peace ; therefore, had you not better 
 get ready for war.^ 'Employ', the dear boy says, 
 ' the leisures of peace to prepare and sharpen a blade 
 IV hie h will strike effectually in time of war.' Of 
 course, that is the end of peace. 
 
 "Suppose His Royal Highness Field Marshal 
 Prince Albert, after his visit to Eu the other day, 
 had taken advantage of his vast military experi- 
 ence, and on his return to England had addressed 
 a report to the War-of¥ice suggesting a ' Plan for 
 burning Cherbourg,' ' Hints on the practicability 
 of bombardino^ Toulon,' ' Slio-ht suQ-crestions for a 
 general massacre of the inhabitants of the French 
 coast between Dunkirk and Bayonne ;' our neigh- 
 bours would have thought it a delicate compliment 
 no doubt — a pleasing manifestation of opinion 
 from a person closely connected with the throne; a 
 kind proof of the good feeling between one coun- 
 try and the other. 
 
 " But no ; we don't do these things, dear Prince. 
 We are perfidious Englanders; brutal in our habits, 
 vulgar in our notions ; absorbed by gross pursuits 
 of commerce, and coarse lust of gain. We are not 
 civilised : we do not care for glory. There is only 
 one nation that really cherishes glory and possess- 
 es civilisation. It is yours, dear Joinville ! There 
 
 is only one nation that prides itself in its rapacity, 
 
 69
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 and glories in its appetite for murder. There is 
 only one nation that boasts of its perfidiousness, 
 and walks the world in the sunshine, proclaiming 
 itself to be an assassin. We may be perfidious, 
 but at the least we have the decency of hypocrisy. 
 We may be sordid, but at least we profess to wor- 
 ship Christian peace — not Murder and Napoleon. 
 " It is for you to do that: for you to fulfil the 
 mission given you by Heaven, which made you as 
 it made an animal of prey. It is only you who 
 shout daily with fresh triumph your confession of 
 faith, that you will rob when you can; that when at 
 peace you are meditating aggression ; that states- 
 manship for you is only the organisation of rob- 
 bery; you who call rapine, progress — murder and 
 pillage, ' the propagation of French ideas,' and mas- 
 sacre, ' the maintenance of the rank of France in 
 Europe.' Go pander to the vanities, Joinville, of 
 your sage and reasonable nation! foster their noble 
 envy, recreate their angelic propensity to work 
 evil — inflame their Christian appetite for war. The 
 King's son of such a nation can surely not be bet- 
 ter employed than in flattering the national spirit. 
 If he love peace, they say he is a bad Frenchman. 
 Commerce is brutal and English, unworthy of the 
 polished intelligence of the French people. Their 
 culte is glory. Continue, Joinville, to minister to 
 that noble worship; the more you insult your 
 neighbours, the more 'national' your countrymen 
 will think you. Uon't spare your insults, then, 
 
 but suggest fresh plans of invasion witli tlie calm 
 
 70
 
 "PUNCH TO JOINVILLE" 
 
 assurance which renders your nation so popular 
 all the world over. Assert your claims in the true, 
 easy, quiet, unambitious, gentle, good-humoured 
 French-polished way, so little querulous, so calmly 
 dignified, so honestly self-reliant! Do this, and 
 you can't fail to become more popular. Invent a 
 few more plans for abasing England, and you will 
 take your rank as a Statesman. Issue a few more 
 prospectuses of murder, and they'll have you in 
 the Pantheon. What a dignity to be worshipped 
 by those, who, if not the leaders, at any rate are 
 the Bullies of Europe." 
 
 " Agreez, Monseigneur, 
 
 " Les sentimens de Reconnaissance respectu- 
 "euse avec lesquels j'ai I'honneur d'etre, 
 
 "de Votre Altesse Royale le profond Admira- 
 " teur. 
 
 Thackeray was now well launched in political 
 writing, and on the 8th of June he dealt with both 
 home and foreign affairs. On p. 243 is a long set 
 of " Rules, To be observed by the English People on 
 the occasion of the Visit of his Imperial Majesty, 
 Nicholas, Emperor of all the Rnssias " — a poten- 
 tate whom, on his arrival, Mr. Punch actually de- 
 clined to receive at his office. No. 194 in the Strand. 
 The Emperor, however, consoled himself by visit- 
 ing many other private establishments, as well 
 as some of the chief public institutions. These 
 " Rules " are really a passionate appeal to the na- 
 
 71
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 tion to receive him with frigid politeness, but 
 " Don't touch his money" — except to hand it over 
 to the Polish fund: for the wrongrs of Poland were 
 at that moment arousing the pity and kindling the 
 indignation of the country. Thackeray's prophecy 
 that the Emperor "will be dropping his money 
 wherever he goes " was fulfilled : the Tsar, splen- 
 didly received and entertained, visited Storr and 
 Mortimer's in Bond Street and purchased jewellery 
 to the amount of ^5000; subscribing also five hun- 
 dred guineas a year for the " Emperor's Cup " after- 
 wards run for at Ascot until the prize was with- 
 drawn at the time of the Crimean War. To this 
 extent, therefore, Thackeray's appeal, here partly 
 reprinted, \vas disregarded. " It was politically 
 done," said Douglas Jerrold, when he and John 
 Leech concocted between them a tragic design for 
 the Cup. The following are the chief of the "Rules." 
 
 "As the Imperial Autocrat of all the Russias will 
 doubtless make visits to numerous public in- 
 stitutions in this country, it behoves Punch 
 to instruct the people, as to their manner of 
 behaviour. 
 
 " Remember, the man is a stranger — his visit is a 
 surprise (and, perhaps, not an agreeable one — 
 but that, as the poet observes, is neither here 
 nor there), and we must meet this surprising 
 incident with presence of mind. 
 
 " Britons ! Nicholas is here : and as he is here, it 
 is our duty to make the best of him.
 
 HOW TO RECEIVE THE TSAR 
 
 " If you love Punch, be peaceful. You have obeyed 
 me as yet: listen to me now. No hissing; no 
 rotten eggs; no cabbage -stalks; no howling; 
 no mobbinof — no nothing. 
 
 • Only Silence! All the institutions of the coun- 
 try which he is desirous to see, let him see — if 
 he wishes to examine the PtiJick-o^<zQ, our boy 
 has orders to show him over the premises. If 
 he is hungry or athirst, beer from the opposite 
 public-house, buns from Messrs. Partington's, 
 the pastry-cooks', will be provided — and at our 
 own expense. But all shall be done with a 
 politeness so frigid, that, by Jupiter Ammon! 
 the Autocrat shall consider himself in Siberia. 
 If he leaves money, the Order of 'the Swan 
 with two Necks,' for the united publishers — 
 snuff-boxes and stars for our chief contributors 
 — we shall know what to do with the same. 
 
 "All England must do as Punch does. Listen! 
 When Nicholas comes, receive him well. Let 
 the manufacturers open their doors, and show 
 him where they lie, work, working, in their 
 factories — 02ir emperors of the world. Let 
 our railway people set their engines to work as 
 hard as they like, to convey his Imperial Maj- 
 esty. Let our race - horse keepers show him 
 their studs — even the teeth of their horses — if 
 he have a wish to look that way. Let Colonel 
 BuLDER be civil to him at Woolwich: let the 
 Port-Admiral be polite to him at Portsmouth : 
 let the keeper of Golden Square show him 
 
 11
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 over the green labyrinths and perfumed glades 
 of that delightful resort of enchantment. If he 
 have a mind to eat white -bait at Greenwich, 
 let not LovEGROVE balk him. 
 
 " But mark! he will be dropping his money, snuff- 
 boxes, brooches, orders, and what not, wher- 
 ever he goes. Money costs him nothing, remem- 
 ber, and he can afford to lavish it. Friends, 
 Countrymen, swear with Punch! — Carry every 
 shilling the man leaves to the Polish Fund. 
 Remember what is the hand that offers those 
 honours. Don't touch his money. Hand it 
 over to Lord Dudley Stuart. 
 
 "But why speak? I know you won't touch his 
 money. You are not mercenary: yon never 
 traffic money against honour: yo7t don't care 
 for titles — no, nor your wives either: the cau- 
 tion is quite needless in our country. 
 
 " At Ascot, in the Park Reviews, at the Opera, 
 wherever people congregate, the order of be- 
 haviour to be laid down is simply this: Any 
 person who hisses or hoots, is to be held as a 
 snob — he does not understand good manners, 
 nor the decencies of hospitality; but if any 
 person hurras, or takes off his hat, you have 
 Punch's instant orders to lick him. " Bonnet" 
 that miscreant! Flatten his beaver over his 
 miserable eyes. Tear his coat tails up to his 
 cowardly shoulders. Seize, brethren, seize his 
 trembling legs, and away with him. Ducking 
 was meant by Nature for that man. Pumps 
 
 74
 
 THE RULES CONTINUED 
 
 long for that man — why call him a man? — that 
 thing, that kickshaw, in a word. Friends! 
 you understand what I mean! 
 "You must not be inveigled into a foolish admira- 
 tion on account of his Imperial Majesty's per- 
 sonal qualities. He is very tall, but the Horse- 
 Guards are as big; very handsome, but Widdi- 
 COMBE is as good-looking; very athletic, but 
 can he do as much as Mr. Risley or his little 
 boy.f* He can ride very well, but we offer to 
 back the Marquis of Waterford against him; 
 very slim, but he wears stays; he is very broad- 
 chested, but he pads enormously. When the 
 Guards with their silver trumpets play the Rus- 
 sian National Air — beautiful as that melody is 
 — let no man cheer. Remember the trumpets 
 that played it when the Cuirassiers of Paske- 
 
 wiTCH rode into burning Warsaw. 
 
 ^ % * * * 
 
 " As for the Press — there is, between ourselves, our 
 friend J — nk-^ns — but Heaven help us! never 
 mind what he says. We know the poor fel- 
 low's state of brains under that powdered sconce 
 of his. Let Jenkins, then, have full liberty to 
 be as complimentary as he likes. 
 
 "And if his Imperial JNIajesty does anything hand- 
 some for RiGB . . . 
 
 " \The Printer respectfully states that Mr. Punch'' s MS. stops 
 abruptly here, nor has he been, heard of at the Office since he went 
 aivay, it is believed., to Greentoich, to dine with a party of Young 
 England., who are thinking of making him their leader^'' 
 
 75
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 On the same page is a jokelet having reference 
 to the comparative neglect with which the King 
 of Saxony was treated during a visit which unfor- 
 tunately coincided with that of the Emperor 
 Nicholas. The paragraph is chiefly remarkable 
 for introducing the character of Lady Wilhelmina 
 Amelia Skeggs (see ante). 
 
 The conviction of Daniel O'Connell, with the 
 heavy fine imposed and the sentence of imprison- 
 ment, brought from Thackeray an important open 
 letter addressed to the confined leader. It is a 
 generous article, proving once more the warmth 
 of Thackeray's heart and his real sympathy with 
 Ireland, and may well be given in full : — 
 
 "TO DANIEL O'CONNELL, ESQ. 
 
 "Circular Road, Di'bun. 
 
 " Dear Silvy OTellico, 
 
 " One of my young chaps had got ready a cari- 
 cature of you, with about three hundred-weight of 
 chains on your old legs and shoulders, and you in 
 a prison-dress. 
 
 " But when he heard that you were rca//y locked 
 up, he said he would not for the money's sake 
 (though I pay him well for it), publish his paltry 
 picture, or do anything just now that would giv^e 
 you pain. 
 
 " Neither shall I crow over you because it has 
 
 come to this, and because having played at bowls, 
 
 76
 
 "TO DANIEL O'CONNELL, ESQ." 
 
 you have at last got the rubbers. If you did not 
 organize a conspiracy, and meditate a separation 
 of this fair empire — if you did not create rage and 
 hatred in the bosoms of your countrymen against 
 us English — iiyoii did not do, in a word, all that 
 the Jury found you guilty of doing — I am a 
 Dutchman ! 
 
 " But if ever a man had an excuse for saying 
 hard things, you had it: if ever a people had a 
 cause to be angry, it is yours : if ever the winning- 
 party could afford to be generous, I think we 
 might now : for we have won the rubber, and of 
 what consequence is the stake to us ? 
 
 " Though we may lock you up ; yet it goes 
 against our feelings somehow to think that the 
 GREATEST MAN IN THE EMPIRE, (for, after all, havc 
 you not done more for your nation than any man 
 since Washington ever did ?) should be put in a 
 Penitentiary ever so comfortable, in a road ever so 
 circular. 
 
 " Though we may lock you up ; yet for the life 
 of me I don't see what good we can get out of you. 
 As I said to Afrs. Punch yesterday, ' If any friend 
 from Ceylon were to make me a present of an 
 elephant — what should I do with \X.} If a fine 
 Bengal tiger were locked up in my back-parlour — 
 what would be my wish ? Out of sheer benevo- 
 lence I should desire to see the royal animal in the 
 Strand.' 
 
 " Though we may lock you up, let us remember 
 that there are seven out of our five - and - twenty 
 
 n
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 millions of fellow -citizens to whom your punish- 
 ment is a shame and a bitter degradation ; and it 
 is ill to set so many hearts rankling against us. 
 
 " Are they not bitter enough already — - the 
 fourth part of the men of our empire — and have 
 they not cause? Does the world show a country 
 so wretched as yours ? If you were to send over 
 the Lion of Judah to Lambeth, and the Dove of 
 Galvvay to London House, wouldn't we turn their 
 Lordships out ; and shall we be too hard upon 
 you for trying to do likewise, and failing ? 
 
 " No. And though your sentence is a just one 
 in spite of all they may say, yet, please God, let it 
 be inflicted with a gentle heart. I like the judge 
 who burst into tears when he passed it, 
 
 "Vulgar triumph over such a man as you — 
 chuckling over such a great discomfiture as that 
 — is the work of low - minded, sordid knaves. If 
 ever I laugh, it shan't be because a great man falls. 
 I wish you would come out of prison, for how can 
 I poke fun at you through the bars.^* 
 
 "Why did you invent stories of murder and 
 massacres which we never committed } Why did 
 you brag and swagger so much t Why did you 
 tell so many untruths regarding us Saxons 1 The 
 Truth was bitter enough and hard enough to be 
 told. We are mighty angry with Nicholas 
 about Poland ; * but, until lately, has somebody 
 else treated Ireland better.'* 
 
 * Leech's cartoon of the following week represented Queen 
 
 78
 
 A HINT TO THE QUEEN 
 
 " I tell you what is to be done. It was arranged 
 in a Cabinet Council last nio^ht — where the Rioht 
 Honourable Mr. Piinch was called in — it was ar- 
 ranged that her Majesty should take a trip of 
 pleasure in the summer (after a certain interest- 
 ing event), and that her steps were to be directed 
 to a kino-dom called Ireland, which I have occa- 
 sionally heard described as the greenest and most 
 beautiful spot in the world. 
 
 " She is to go suddenly, and without beat of 
 drum. She will take the first car at Kingstown 
 Pier: and Lord De Grey will be disgusted, and 
 the people of the city surprised, to see the Royal 
 Standard of the Three Kingdoms floating on the 
 tower of the seedy old Castle of Dublin. 
 
 " After a collation, another car (or ' cyar,' as you 
 call it in Dublin — and a confounded vehicle it is) 
 will be called ; and her Majesty, stepping into it, 
 will sa}^ ' Car-boy, drive to the Circular Road." 
 
 " He will know what it means. The Queen has 
 COME TO Ireland to take Dan out of Prison. 
 
 " ' Let bygones be bygones,' Her Majesty will 
 sa}^ (only more elegantly expressed,) a fib or two 
 more or less about the Saxons won't do us any 
 harm : but try now, jewel, and be aisy : don't talk 
 too much about killing and eating us : don't lead 
 
 Victoria and the Russian Emperor conferring. Behind the 
 head of the Tsar is a map of Poland ; behind the Queen's, 
 that of Jreland. And the legend is : "Brother, brother, we're 
 both in the wrong." The title at first intended was, " Two of 
 a Trade.'' 
 
 79
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 poor hungr)' fellows on to fancy they can do it. 
 The Irish are strong men, and won every battle 
 that ever was fought. That is ver}^ well. From 
 Fontenoy upwards, we give them all to you. I 
 have no objection to think that C/f:sAR's Tenth 
 Legion came out of Tipperary; and that it was 
 three hundred of the O'Gradys who kept the pass 
 of Thermopylae. 
 
 " Nevertheless, have no more of that talk about 
 bullying John Bull. Keep the boys quiet, and 
 tell them they can't do it. It's no use trying; we 
 won't be beaten by the likes of you. 
 
 " But we have done you wrong, and we want to 
 see you righted ; and as sure as Justice lives, right- 
 ed you shall be. 
 
 " Such are the words that I wish to whisper to 
 you in your captivity, — words of reproof, and yet 
 of consolation ; of hope, and wisdom, and truth ! 
 
 A long set of verses (p. 252) entitled "The Dream 
 of Joinville " returns to the savage, fire -eating 
 pamphlet afore-mentioned, in which the amiable 
 Prince urged his father to invasion — a literary 
 effort which was generally received in England 
 with laugrhter and derision. These dozen stanzas 
 contain such characteristic examples of Thack- 
 eray's peculiar form of humour and humorous 
 rhyme, that it is surprising that this poem, at least, 
 
 had not been rescued by the bibliograjDhers. 
 
 80
 
 "THE DREAM OF JOINVILLE" 
 
 It 
 
 THE DREAM OF JOINVILLE 
 
 " Continental gossip says, that the Prince de 
 JoiNViLLE having had a row with his royal father, 
 concerning his famous pamphlet, rushed away to 
 Saint Cloud, where he slept at an inn, and dreamed 
 
 the following dream : — 
 
 * -)F -jf ^ 
 
 Stealthily we speed along 
 
 I and my black steamers, 
 None can see the colours three 
 
 Painted on her streamers. 
 Not a star is in the sky, 
 
 Black and dull and silent; 
 Stealthily we creep along 
 
 Towards the wicked Island! 
 
 Ne'er an English ship is out 
 Somehow to defend it ; 
 
 So we reach the Thames's mouth- 
 Swiftly we ascend it. 
 
 Then I give a lesson fit 
 To Albion perfidious; 
 
 Properly I punish it, 
 
 For its treasons hideous. 
 
 Swiftly down the Thames we go. 
 
 All pursuit outstripping, 
 Blowing every village up, 
 
 Burning all the shipping. 
 Fancy Ramsgate in a blaze, 
 
 Margate pier a-dropping, 
 Woolwich burnt, and red-hot shot 
 
 Plunging into Wapping ! 
 8i
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 London town 's a jolly place, 
 
 England's pride and wonder; 
 Mortal eyes have never seen 
 
 Such a place for plunder. 
 Lord ! it is a glorious night 
 
 As my steamers pretty 
 Moor there, and my lads and I 
 
 Pour into the City. 
 
 *' Here's enough for each, says I, 
 
 Whatsoe'er his rank, lads, 
 Pierre shall rifle Lombard Street, 
 
 And Jean shall gut the Bank, lads ; 
 Every seaman in my crews. 
 
 Shall take as much as suits his 
 Wish, and needs but pick and choose 
 
 From Jones and Loyd's to Coutts's." 
 
 When my speech the seamen hear. 
 
 Each man does salute his 
 Admiral with loval cheer, 
 
 And then begins his duties. 
 Some burn down the Monument, 
 
 And some the Tower invest, sir; 
 Some bombard the Eastern end, 
 
 And some attack the West, sir. 
 
 Gods ! it is a royal sight, 
 All the town in flames is 
 
 Burning, all the way from White- 
 Chapel to St. James's ! 
 
 See the Mayor, in cotton cap. 
 Asking what the blaze meant! 
 
 When we hang his worship up. 
 Fancy his amazement! 
 82
 
 THE DREAM OF JOINVILLE' 
 
 Kill me every citizen, 
 
 But spare their pretty spouses; 
 Hang me the policemen up 
 
 At the station-houses. 
 Beat St. Paul's with red-hot balls, 
 
 Set Temple Bar a-blazing; 
 Burn me Paper Buildings down, 
 
 And Lincoln's Inn and Gray's Inn. 
 
 List to no man's prayers and vows. 
 
 Grant to none their pardons: 
 Blomfield hang at London House, 
 
 Peel at Whitehall Gardens. 
 Apsley House is stormed and won. 
 
 Seize the Iron Duke, bovs ; 
 Have him out, and hang him up 
 
 To the lantern-hook, boys ! 
 
 Gods, it is a noble flame ! 
 
 Now my fellows thunder 
 At the gates of Buckingham — 
 
 How the Prince does wonder. 
 Out he comes with sword and lance; 
 
 Boys, stand back, impartial. 
 See an Admiral of France 
 
 Pink an English Marshal ! 
 
 o 
 
 Tell us who's the best at blows, 
 
 The Army or the Navy ? 
 Carte and Tierce ! and down he goes ; 
 
 Albert cries, "Peccavi!" 
 " Spare my precious husband's life :" 
 
 The Queen upon her knees is. 
 The little Princes kneeling round 
 
 In their night-chemises. 
 
 * * * * 
 
 83
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Just as I had raised my arm 
 
 To finish Albion's ruin, 
 Came a cock, and crow'd a cursed 
 
 Cock-a-doodle-dooing. 
 It was morning, — and I lost 
 
 That delightful vision — 
 Cruel morning, to dispel 
 
 Such a dream Elysian !"
 
 CHAPTER III 
 VOLUME VII. SECOND HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1844 
 
 The alleged violation of the letters of Mazzini, 
 then a refugee in England, by Sir James Graham, 
 the Home Secretary, afforded Punch material for 
 a terrific and continuous attack upon the Minister, 
 who for some while was probably the most unpop- 
 ular, and the most bitterly ridiculed man in Eng- 
 land. On the 29th June, 1844 (^ol. 7, p. 7) the 
 weekly cartoon had for its subject " Paul Pry at 
 the Post Ofhce ;" it was signed by Leech, and one 
 of the papers lying on the floor bears the name of 
 " M. A. Titmarsh." For Thackeray had written 
 in the same number, an address entitled " Punch 
 to the Public," in which he works himself up into 
 a fine frenzy, such as so often moved Douglas 
 Jerrold. " As Lord Lyndhurst," he begins, " is 
 Chancellor and Keeper of the Seals, Sir James 
 Graham is a Breaker of the same. . . There never 
 was a more absurd complaint than that of Count 
 Oysterowski lately. He said something uncom- 
 plimentary of the Emperor of Russia, or the Im- 
 perial Trousers, for which the police' seized the 
 Count, his paper - knives, and the papers in his 
 
 85
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 desk. If a man chooses to talk disrespectfully of 
 an Emperor's breeches, it is a natural consequence 
 that his papers should be seized. If his papers 
 are seized, it is a natural consequence they should 
 be read. If they are read, and contain anything 
 treasonable, the fault lies with him. Why did he 
 write or receive anything improper; and what 
 business has he to abuse the breeches of any 
 crowned head? The only Emperor one can speak 
 of with safety is the Kaiser of Timbuctoo, for he 
 wears none — but this is not to the purpose." And 
 then the author turns serious and declaims against 
 the outrage with sustained warmth and generous 
 illustration. 
 
 " Now, Governments are like men," he contin- 
 ues ; "more or less suspicious, according to their 
 temperament. Hence, the more a Government is 
 hated, the more suspicious it will naturally be- 
 come, and the more it is its duty to open letters. 
 What a happy knack at letter-burglary some folks 
 may get at this rate, and what an enlarged sphere 
 of agreeable 'duties'! It was the duty of the 
 Council of Ten to clap any gentleman under the 
 Plombes if they suspected hini ; it was the duty of 
 the Emperor Napoleon and Louis XVII. to have 
 a Cabinet Noir, and to open everybody's letters. 
 . . . The only monarch who perhaps does not 
 open letters is Timbuctoo before mentioned: and 
 why ? — See the paragraph concerning the panta- 
 oons. 
 
 " A Hint for Moses" (p. 19) is one of the numer- 
 
 86
 
 "A HINT FOR MOSES" 
 
 ous not ill-humoured quips in which Thackeray 
 indulged at the expense of E. Moses & Son, the 
 tailors, who were at that time one of the greatest 
 advertising firms in the City of London. This 
 sketch, for which the author drew a couple of 
 illustrations, deals with a supposed incident out- 
 side, and ultimately within, the shop of Messrs. E. 
 Aaron & Co., when a country gentleman, loudly 
 
 addressing his little boy (a "simple pair," who 
 have been gazing, "astonished and charmed," into 
 the shop window), speaks as follows: 
 
 ''''Country Gentleman. Wawns lod, we've seen 
 Loonun thro' a'most; but ifackins we've see noo- 
 thin like this, 
 
 87
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 " Boy. No, dear papa, this is indeed a galaxy of 
 splendour to which the other magnificences of 
 this proud metropolis bear no parallel. 
 
 " Country Gentleman. What would they say 
 in t' village to see thee in sooch a coat as that, 
 my lod ? Ai'm blest if moother would know 
 thee! 
 
 " Boy. Dearest father, 'tis hard to deceive the 
 keen eyes of a parent, and my mamma would 
 recognise her boy in any guise ; but I think with 
 you that she would rejoice to see her child attired 
 in one of Aaron's fashionable suits." To the in- 
 terested delight of the spectators they enter and 
 the boy is duly measured. A few days afterwards 
 the author is amazed to hear, on the self- same 
 spot — "the Majories " — another country gentle- 
 man and another son indulging in a dialogue be- 
 ginning thus : 
 
 ^'Country Gentleman. Wawns lod, we've seen 
 Loonun thro' a'most" — and so on, da capo. Con- 
 sequently, " Philo Justitias Amicus," who recounts 
 the story, proceeds to comment unfavourably on 
 human nature. On the same page he exultantly 
 provides " A Nut for the Paris Charivari," in 
 which, referring to the Prince de Joinville's con- 
 tempt for the Emperor or of Russia's subscription 
 of ^500 to the Wellington and Nelson statues, 
 he is made to ask, " What is it compared to what 
 we did } Didn't we contribute tJie Bronze /" " In- 
 teresting Meeting" (p. 22) is a skit upon the West- 
 minster Hall Competition, in which the Duke of 
 
 88
 
 A HINT FOR MOSES" 
 
 Wellington and his companion Punch, burst out 
 laughing at a portrait of "their mutual friend 
 Lord Brougham" between two sleeping nymphs. 
 
 AA'^^ 
 
 
 .0 (^ 
 
 -.'"if 
 
 '"'Egad, it's the best thing he can do,' whispered 
 the noble Duke," 
 
 Referring to the original catalogue of the Ex- 
 hibition in question I find the following entries, 
 
 which explain the joke : 
 
 89
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 I-66. Nymph Sleeping E. H. Baily, R.A. 
 
 167. Lord Brougham Edgar Papworth 
 
 168. A Sleeping Girl Edgar Papworth 
 
 In the following week (p. 23) we have Thack- 
 eray's comment on one of the greatest turf scan- 
 dals of the century. 
 
 " Maccabeus," a three-year-old, had been passed 
 off as the two-year-old " Running Rein," and after 
 winning: the race the horse was killed and buried. 
 The animal's head was subsequently exhumed and 
 produced in evidence. In commenting on this 
 case Baron Alderson gave " noblemen and gen- 
 tlemen of rank" a lecture on the natural conse- 
 quence of their consorting with persons below 
 them in station, Thackeray snorted at the snob- 
 bery and was up in arms at once. Under the title 
 of " Running *Rein Morality" he closes with the 
 judge, whom he dubs " Mr. Justice Jenkins," and 
 throws him heavily. Noblemen consort with black- 
 guards, he says in effect, in order to make money 
 out of them, and noblemen and gentlemen are not 
 necessarily convertible terms. 
 
 " ' Avoid the Turf blackguards,' says the Baron. 
 ' My son,' I say to you, ' avoid the Turf gentlemen, 
 too.'" 
 
 " Punch's Fine Art Exhibition," a column of 
 mock review, not of the Academy Exhibition, but 
 of a series of humourous drawings by John Leech, 
 is in the same number (p. 26), as well as " Moorish 
 Designs. {From the Nationaiy — a parody of the 
 
 90
 
 A CASE OF REAL DISTRESS" 
 
 sensationalism of the French newspaper in ques- 
 tion. The London Correspondent of this well- 
 informed and intelligent sheet, knowing that the 
 Emperor of Morocco was raising troops in Eng- 
 land, and hearing that Eng- 
 lishmen were off to the Aloors 
 next month, announced the 
 1 2th of August as tlie date 
 for the declaration of the 
 war! And, finally, we have 
 the article and illustration 
 which caused Punch to be 
 excluded from France for 
 some time. This was " A 
 Case of Real Distress," in 
 which Louis Philippe is rep- 
 resented as a " pauvre mal- 
 heureux " — which Thack- 
 eray, by an unusual slip, 
 misspells "malheurex" — out 
 
 at toes and elbows, besreins; with his hat, to which 
 a tricolor cockade is attached. "... His cousin, 
 Charles Dix by name, left him a pair of shoes, 
 which he has worn ever since 1830; another cous- 
 in, Antony Conde, died and left one of his sons a 
 decent maintenance. But there are a dozen left 
 quite unprovided for," &c., and a ridiculous sub- 
 scription list is opened in which the humblest ar- 
 ticles are contributed by *Dan O'Connell, Lord 
 Brougham, Benjamin Sidonia, Esq., and Pecksniff. 
 To those who remember the facts, and the irritable 
 
 91
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 state of the King's nerves, the galling character of 
 this scornful half-column will be manifest, and the 
 exclusion of Punch from French soil will be matter 
 for little surprise. 
 
 During all this time Daniel O'Connell was in 
 prison. Punch had kept his word and had treated 
 him kindly the while. The Liberator's son now 
 publicly stated that " the prisoners were looking 
 right well and getting fat" and that admirers out- 
 side were providing them with dainties. Thack- 
 eray celebrated the occasion with a set of verses 
 entitled " Punch to Daniel in Prison " (p. 38, 20th 
 July, 1844). They accompany Leech's cartoon re- 
 presenting O'Connell, swollen to enormous propor- 
 tions, beaming with contentment as he sits in his 
 great chair, sipping his wine after dinner. Punch 
 is glad at heart, and Thackeray carols forth: 
 
 "PUNCH TO DANIEL IN PRISON. 
 
 Immured in Dublin's prison base, 
 
 Great Daniel, while thou smartest, 
 'Tis thus thy venerable face 
 
 Appeared to PuncJi's artist. 
 He reads those weekly bulletins. 
 
 Which of your health informs us. 
 And thus the prisoner paints, who grins 
 
 Contented and enormous! 
 
 Perhaps the wicked limner shows, 
 
 Inclined to laughter spiteful, 
 That certain patriots' vaunted woes 
 
 Are not so very frightful. 
 92
 
 TO O'CONNELL IN PRISON 
 
 Perhaps he would insinuate, 
 
 By that stupendous figure, 
 That those who free are Truly Great, 
 
 When wronged are Doubly Bigger ! 
 
 I know not which : but love to read 
 
 Each speech of Dan the younger. 
 Which tells us how your people feed 
 
 Their chiefs imprisoned hunger. 
 How matrons cook you soups and broths, 
 
 How cakes are baked by virgins, 
 How weavers weave your table-cloths, 
 
 And fishers hook your sturgeons.* 
 
 Says Dan, " My father's cheek's as red 
 
 His mood as blithe and merry. 
 As when at morn his dogs he led 
 
 Along the hills of Kerry. 
 His mighty lungs were free to talk, 
 
 His body stronger waxen. 
 Than when at Tara or Dundalk, 
 
 He bullyragged the Saxon." i 
 
 Amen ! I hope the tale is true. 
 
 Thus brought by Irish rumour; 
 May each day's prison bring to you 
 
 Good health, sir, and good humour ! 
 Amen, cries Lord Chief Justice Punch, 
 
 Approving of your sentence, 
 It is, I swear it by my hunch, 
 
 A jovial repentance ! 
 
 "*ArR. Daniel O'Connell, jun., thought the prisoners were looking 
 right well and getting fat, tliey had just received an enormous cake weigh- 
 ing 45 lbs., a sturgeon from Limerick, weighing 200 lbs., and table-cloth 
 of Irish manufacture, &c., &c." 
 
 93
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 No chains shall in his prison clink, 
 
 No ruthless jailor urge him, 
 With lashings of the best of drink 
 
 I'd pitilessly scourge him, 
 'Tis thus that noble Justice Punch 
 
 Would treat his Celtic neighbour, 
 And thus at dinner, supper, lunch. 
 
 Condemn him to " hard labour." 
 
 Nor you alone but good son John, 
 
 And Ray, and Steele, and Duffy; 
 Ye dire Repealers every one. 
 
 Remorselessly I'd stuff ye ! 
 I'd have you all, from last to first. 
 
 To grow such desperate gluttons. 
 That you should eat until ye burst 
 
 Your new Repealers' Buttons !" 
 
 The expressions " Truly Great " and " Repeal- 
 ers Buttons," have of course their special signif- 
 icance. 
 
 In the same number (p. 42) under the heading 
 of " Literary Intelligence," Thackeray continues 
 the theme, and announces that O'Connell in 
 prison is devoting his leisure to a new and im- 
 portant work — a second series of "The Epi- 
 cure's Almanac: or a Dish for Every Day in the 
 Year." A couple of pages further on he rebukes 
 the Editor of the Nation for the susf^estion that 
 O'Connell should bestow on " T. B. C. Smith and 
 Al^raham Brewster for obvious purposes " the 
 pair of Irish -made razors which had been pre- 
 sented to him. Thackeray is playfully shocked, 
 and declares that Punch "declines (from a regard 
 
 94
 
 A ROYAL CHANCE LOST 
 
 to his fingers) to meddle with edge-tools; he 
 would, therefore, only suggest to his confrere, the 
 Editor of the Nation, to try upon the amateur 
 assassin who wrote that dastardly joke, not the 
 razor, but the strapT It should be borne in 
 mind, however, that the bitterness of the jest, 
 such as it was, was the result of the state of 
 burning indignation and resistance to remorseless 
 persecution in which he habitually lived. The 
 title of this item is " Irish Razors " (p. 44). 
 
 Thackeray's Irish sympathies reveal themselves 
 again and again. On August 17th, just after the 
 birth of the Duke of Edinburgh (referred to in 
 Punch as the Duke of York), Thackeray expressed 
 in Punch's name the national regret that Prince 
 Albert had not accepted his suggestion to sojourn 
 with Her Majesty the Queen in Ireland for a 
 while, so that the Duke " would have been born 
 in Dublin on the birthday of Daniel O'Connell, 
 and the little New-comer might have asked a holi- 
 day for the old one, and the Queen might have 
 numbered one loyal Irish subject more." 
 Thackeray was probably serious when he entitled 
 this little contribution " A Chance Lost " (85). 
 
 " To the Napoleon of Peace " (p. 90, 24 Aug. 
 1844) is a long letter of warning addressed by 
 Punch to Louis Philippe, beseeching him to act 
 up to his sobriqiiet. " Pritchard has been cast out 
 of Otaheite, and Punch has been banished from 
 France," and the King's operations against Tan- 
 giers — which, he declares, was only bombarded in 
 
 95
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 order that his sons, the Prince de Joinville and the 
 Due de Nemours, might receive pensions and so 
 be provided for — alarm Thackeray lest Gibraltar 
 should take fire from the African conflagration. 
 A little later on France was to apologise for its 
 outrage on Mr. Pritchard, our consul at Tahiti, 
 and to make him a handsome indemnity, but 
 Punch was still smartinsf under the Kino:'s act of 
 retaliation on himself. Moreover, he did not be- 
 lieve in the King's protestations of peace, and he 
 abominated what he regarded as the impious war 
 which the French were making on the Emperor 
 of Morocco. " If this goes on much further," 
 Punch concludes, " with all our love of quiet we 
 shall be forced to speak out. The Missionaries 
 are already gone over to the war-party. Have a 
 care, great Sir, that Punch don't join them too. 
 Dire will be the day when that event occurs ; and 
 we shall be compelled to perform the sad and 
 painful duty of Poking up the British Lion." 
 
 " Fashionable Removals " (p. 94) refers to the an- 
 nouncement " that that hardened old sinner Me- 
 hemet Ali " is about to retire to Mecca and ex- 
 presses a wish that " a certain- law-lord," Brougham 
 Hadjee, might accompany him. " The Last In- 
 sult to Poor Old Ireland " (p. 95) tells how the 
 author of " The Great Metropolis " [James Grant, 
 the Elder] is engaged upon a book about that 
 most unfortunate country. And " Revolution in 
 France " (95) makes public the fact that a Female 
 
 Revolution in Paris has ordained the suppression 
 
 96
 
 LORD iMAIDSTONES CHALLENGE 
 
 of flounces and of " elastic crinoline petticoats " 
 
 (p. 95)- 
 
 " Jenny Wren's Remonstrance " (p. 96) is 
 
 another instance of Thackeray's combined good 
 
 humour and good sense. Young George James 
 
 Finch- Hatton, Lord Maidstone (father of the late 
 
 Earl of Winchilsea), bursting with patriotic ardour, 
 
 contributed to the Morning Post of 14th Aug. 
 
 1844 a furious fire -eating salt -petre- breathing 
 
 set of verses, in which defiance is hurled at the 
 
 French. It is necessary to quote this spirited but 
 
 tactless outburst in order to appreciate Thackeray's 
 
 reply. 
 
 "SHALL WE WHO CRUSHED THEIR FATHERS.* 
 
 Shall we who crushed their fathers at Cressy and Poitiers, 
 And bade their guard at Waterloo "be off," and "clear the 
 
 way," 
 Sit tamely by and tremble when swords have left their 
 
 sheath, 
 And Gallic threats are bandied in the British lion's teeth ! 
 ^Tis thus they prate of honour, and spit upon the hetn 
 Of Britannia' s regal vesture and shame her diadem. 
 
 No, by the soul of Edward, by the triumphs long ago 
 Of the strong Norman lance and gallant English bow, 
 We will not cower before them while yet a bosom stirs 
 At the tale of Crispin's Morning or the Battle of the Spurs, 
 And yet they, &=€. 
 
 " * Vide Morning Post, Aug. 14th, 1S44." 
 G 97
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Their ships are rolling in our ports, their banners deck our 
 
 walls, 
 The tri-color is sighing in the breezes of St. Paul's. 
 For fear of us a hundred forts gird Paris with a chain, 
 And Jacobins and Anarchists look on, and daren't complain. 
 And yet they, 6^r. 
 
 They begged of us a favour, and we yielded them their 
 
 plea. 
 The ashes of Napoleon from the island in the sea. 
 We gave them all they asked for, but we could not give 
 
 them back 
 The glory which departed when we thundered in their track. 
 And yet t/ny, &=€. 
 
 The mark of England's heel is trampled on the neck 
 
 Of Paris and her citizens, of this they nothing reck ; 
 
 But though her youth may bluster, and swear they felt 
 
 it not. 
 There are other youths in England can make the brand 
 
 as hot. 
 
 And yet they, &'c. 
 
 Then Dupin cease to prattle, and Joinville cease to write; 
 
 The ancients had a custom to hold their tongue — and fight. 
 
 Pray to the God of battles for a strong heart and hand, 
 
 And a better sword than Hoche's to decimate our land. 
 And cease to prate of /lonotir, and spit upon the hem 
 Of Britannia's regal vesture, and shame her diadem.''^ 
 
 Thackeray reprinted the whole in Punch and in 
 
 a parallel column set beside them his parody, in 
 
 which he laughed at them one by one. As Lord 
 
 Maidstone was a " Finch," it is to Jenny Wren 
 
 that Punch is supposed to have confided the task 
 
 of "inculcating peace." The reply runs thus: 
 
 98
 
 THACKERAY'S PARODY 
 
 "JENNY WREN'S REMONSTRANCE. 
 
 Having perused with wonder Lord Maidstone's 
 poem, in the Morning Post, Jenny Wren indites a 
 humble remonstrance. 
 
 Jenny does not consider it necessary to teach the 
 genteel reader that one of my lord's respected names 
 is Finch. 
 
 SILLY LITTLE FINCHES.* 
 
 Silly little Finches have silly little ears, 
 
 Make Yoxtiay to rhyme with- way — little boy, it is Yoxtiers. 
 
 Why sit by and tremble? when swords have left their sheath, 
 
 Then will British lions begin to show their teeth. 
 
 Spitting is a nasty thing, zuhich French people do, 
 Little lordling, doiit begin expectorating too. 
 
 Royal Edward's in his grave — he and his long shanks — 
 Did he do our people good — butchering those Franks? 
 Harry Fifth won Agincourt — won it at a pinch — ■ 
 What became of Harry Sixth— silly little Finch? 
 WitJi your wiggle waggle, ^c. 
 
 "*This poem was ordered from the young lady who writes the chief 
 lyrical effusions for our establisliment, and who received the strictest in- 
 junctions to inculcate peace. Hence the slaughter of Lord Maidstone 
 by Jenny Wren. 
 
 The bombardment of Tangiers has taken place since his Lordship was 
 sacrificed. That event has much altered our opinion, and, indeed, our 
 desire of maintaining terms of politeness with the chief of the F"rench Gov- 
 ernment. And (though we laugh to scorn the pretension of any man who 
 would question our right to contradict ourselves as many times in a column 
 as we please), yet we condescend to own that our opinions ixre consider- 
 ably altered by the brutal onset on Tangiers. 
 
 Lord Maidstone, then, has been untimely sacrificed. But his Lord- 
 ship's mangled corpse will serve to show that we had a sincere desire to 
 maintain the peace ; and, at the same time, it may be looked at as the first 
 victim of what may be a long and fatal war." 
 
 99
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 He's a silly fellow of rotten things who brags, 
 
 At church best look at your prayer-book — not those bloody 
 
 flags. 
 What ! the Paris forts were built all for fear of you ? 
 Silly little Finch, so to cockadoodledoo! 
 With your wiggle icagglc, &>c. 
 
 Was it then so generous, granting them their plea ? 
 Bull-Finch! are not islands at/z^^jj- "in the sea?" 
 Better read the story of the fight of Mount St. John, 
 He robs us half our glory who says the French had none. 
 
 With his wiggle waggle, &'C. 
 
 The march of English Wellington-heels has trampled French- 
 men low. 
 Swaggering young poet, pray Heaven it be not so. 
 Trampled men will turn and hate, that full well we know 
 We should never trample on a fallen foe. 
 O you IV iggle-7i.' aggie, &>c. 
 
 Then Maidstone cease to rhyme, and Joinville cease to 
 
 write, 
 Better 'tis to hold your tongue in order not to fight. 
 Better 'tis that little boys remember the old rules. 
 Nor cut their little fingers while playing with edge-tools. 
 
 And cease to poke at Frenchmen with your wicked lit- 
 tle pen ; 
 So, to little Finch, cries peaceful Jenny Wren," 
 
 There was undoubtedly felt at this time consid- 
 erable irritation against France, soon to be dis- 
 pelled by the visit of friendship of the French King 
 — the first visit of amity ever paid to England by 
 a monarch of France. 
 
 Before this event happened, however, Thack- 
 eray printed (p. no) " The Wooden Shoe and the 
 
 lOO
 
 WOODEN-SHOES AND BUFFALOES 
 
 Buffalo-Indians " — supposed to be a chapter " by 
 that eminent traveller, George Jones." [Mr. George 
 Jones, the author of " Tecumseh " — an absurd 
 book — wrote a letter from the British and For- 
 eign Institute in defence of that society and of its 
 founder and manager, Mr. John Silk Buckingham, 
 both victims of Piinclis attack. That letter was a 
 very grotesque document and Punch published it. 
 I\Ir. Jones declared it a forgery ; Punch facsimiled 
 it and circulated it among Jones's fellow members, 
 just to show how good the forgery was, Jones be- 
 gan an action which was duly defended, and he 
 then withdrew, paying all expenses and admitting 
 the genuineness of the document.] The Wooden 
 Shoes, as will be seen, represent the French (Sa- 
 bots) and the Buffaloes the English (Bulls). The 
 article is accompanied by a cartoon by John Leech, 
 entitled "The War -Dance of the French Wild 
 Men : as at present Performed," containing the 
 portraits of Joinville, Guizot, vSoult, Thiers, and the 
 King — the last of whom is squatting and beating 
 the tom-tom for the dancers. The main portion 
 of the paper is as follows : 
 
 "THE WOODEN-SHOE AND THE BUFFALO-INDIANS.* 
 
 " All travellers agree in stating that the pow- 
 erful tribe of Wooden- Shoe Indians occupies a 
 
 " * From ' Walks and Wanderings in the Wilderness and 
 Wigwams,' a forthcoming work upon the Virgin Forests of 
 North America, by that eminent traveller, George Jones." 
 
 lOI
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 large tract of territory on the Great Salt-water 
 Lake, opposite the island inhabited by the Roast- 
 Buffalo tribe. The two tribes have been at war 
 from time immemorial ; the Wooden-Shoes hating 
 and cursing the Roast-Buffaloes, and the Buffalo 
 having, in turn, the greatest contempt for his neigh- 
 bour across the Lake. 
 
 " The Wooden - Shoes are particularly bitter 
 against the Buffaloes, because the latter are the 
 only tribe in America over whom the Shoes have 
 not obtained an advantao^e. The Shoes are the 
 most violent and quarrelsome people of the Con- 
 tinent: they live by robbery and pillage : they are 
 little skilled in trade; hence, probably, their dislike 
 to it, and their extreme fondness for war. 
 
 " A Chief, to have any authority over them, has 
 hitherto been in a manner obliged to lead them to 
 the war-path ; for, when left to themselves, they 
 are so quarrelsome that they are sure to be cutting 
 each other's throats ; and the Sachems wisely con- 
 sider it is best their braves should be employed 
 against the enemy than in the ruinous practice 
 of internecine slaughter. Many moons ago, there 
 was an unlucky Chief of the Wooden -Shoes, the 
 Manchoii Blanc or White Mtiffhy name, who was of 
 rather a peaceful disposition. The Wooden-Shoes 
 scalped him and his wife, lifted the war -hatchet, 
 burst into the territories of the neighbouring tribes, 
 and such was the vigour of their onset, that at first 
 all the Continent was subdued by them, and made 
 
 to pay tribute to the victorious Wooden-Shoes. 
 
 1 02
 
 LE PETIT CAPORAL 
 
 " They were led, at this proud period of their 
 conquests, by a chief who was called in their lan- 
 guage, Le Petit Caporal, a warrior of undaunted 
 courage and amazing savageness and cunning. 
 He conquered all the Continent, and, though of a 
 low origin himself, carried off from the Great 
 Father of the Pipe - Smoking Indians a daughter, 
 whom he brought home to his wigwam, puttmg 
 away his first wife for the purpose. But the suc- 
 cesses of the Petit Caporal were of brief duration. 
 The tribes allied themselves against him ; and, 
 headed by the Roast-Buffalo Indians, whom he had 
 never been able to master, they overcame and ut- 
 terly annihilated him. 
 
 " They held a council after the victory, and de- 
 termined on restoring the government of the 
 Wooden -Shoes to a younger brother of the Sa- 
 chem who had been scalped by the tribe. The 
 Wooden-Shoes, however, indignant that foreigners 
 should intermeddle in the concerns of their govern- 
 ment, determined to get rid of the family so im- 
 posed upon them; and, though they allowed the 
 first chief (he was called the Fat Turtle) to reign 
 and die unmolested, they took occasion to seize 
 upon his brother, who succeeded the Turtle, and 
 turned him out of the government, and out of their 
 territory. 
 
 " We now come to the chief subject of the pres- 
 ent memoir — the famous old chief who has been 
 called by his countrymen La Vieille Poire, and who 
 has reigned over them for fifteen years. 
 
 103
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ''La Vieille Poire was a relation of the Fai Tttr- 
 tle, and his family (a younger branch) had inces- 
 santly been quarrelling with the elder for the chief- 
 tainship. The Poire s father conspired against the 
 old chief, who was scalped in the outbreak, and 
 had hoped to seize the government when the Vieux 
 Manchon was murdered, but the people scalped 
 the pair of them , on which the Poire, who was 
 then a young warrior distinguishing himself in the 
 trail of the enemy along with the other braves of 
 the Wooden-Shoes, fled away from his native tribe, 
 having no fancy to leave his top-knot to dry on the 
 pole alongside of his father's. 
 
 " Vieille Poire then rubbed off the war-paint of 
 the Wooden-Shoes, and joined the Buffalo Indians, 
 tattooing himself as much as possible after the 
 manner of that tribe. He lived about among the 
 Buffaloes as well as he could, and finally came 
 back to his own tribe with the Fat Turtle, when 
 that chief was restored. In the delight of his 
 heart, the Turtle forgave the Poire all the evil his 
 father had done, and restored to hini the paternal 
 wigwam. The people revolted for a second time 
 against Fat Turtle, when the Poire persuaded 
 them that he was the very man for their purpose, 
 and accordingly they elected him their Sachem. 
 
 " Since then the Poire has attained a position 
 vastly too secure to be ever ousted from it, and 
 now governs the Wooden-Shoe tribe in spite of 
 themselves. As they were a very rebellious, cap- 
 tious race, the Poire surrounded the principal vil- 
 
 104
 
 THE WOODEN-SHOES TURBULENT 
 
 lage of the Wooden-Shoes with blockhouses, which 
 he filled with his own braves, who are ready to 
 fire upon the other Wooden - Shoes if they make 
 the least disturbance or revolt. 
 
 " In the last 15 years, the Poire s children have 
 grown up, have taken squaws of their own, and 
 the papoosey now begin to swarm about their 
 lodges. 
 
 " Last year the Poire sent one of his sons, called 
 the Belle Potilc, or Fat Hen, on a visit to the Buf- 
 faloes. Thev showed him their Island, and he 
 thought it was very rich, abounding in game, firs, 
 and wealth of every kind — the young braves who 
 went in the canoe with the Belle Pojcle, looked 
 upon the Virgins of the Buffaloes and panted for 
 the day when they should set their wigwams blaz- 
 ing, scalp the young men of the tribe, and carry 
 off the girls to their own lodges. 
 
 " The young men of the Buffaloes — who have 
 been thinking too much of their hunting and trap- 
 ping, their fishing and trading, and who, from a 
 long habit of beating the Wooden-Shoes, have 
 got to despise them perhaps too much — are mean- 
 while beginning to awake and get angry too. 
 ' Shall we who crushed their fathers,' they say, 
 ' allow these little savas^e Wooden-Shoes to bluster 
 and threaten? Are they to go on for ever whirl- 
 ing their tomahawks, singing their war-songs, fir- 
 ing their rifles within an inch of our noses, and 
 the Buffaloes never to show their horns?' 
 
 "To this, there is an Old White Bison among 
 
 105
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 the Buffaloes who replies. He is very old, very 
 white, very wise, and very brave — perhaps the 
 bravest chief now known in the world — for he has 
 been more often on the trail of the Wooden-Shoes 
 than any known warrior, and lie it was who took 
 the scalp of the Great Brave of the Wooden- 
 Shoes, the cruel and terrible Petit Caporal. 'The 
 Wooden -Shoes,' says he, 'sing and chatter like 
 women ; the Buffaloes are men. He who is silent 
 can see and hear better than he who talks. He 
 who is still can take better aim than he who is run- 
 ning. If the Wooden-Shoes dig up the hatchet, 
 the Buffaloes will take it up; and they know how 
 to wield it better than anv brave amono^ the 
 Wooden-Shoes. But it is better that their young 
 warriors should brag, than that our lodges should 
 burn. The yelping of curs only frightens children. 
 The Buffaloes are men. I have spoken. Hech !'" 
 In an effective short story contributed to the 
 same number (p. 117) Thackeray succeeds in 
 striking at two of his pet aversions — Sir James 
 Graham, the Home Secretary, and Mr. Bucking- 
 ham's Society. This is entitled : 
 
 "SHAMEFUL CASE OF LETTER OPENING. 
 " A TALE OY THE BRITISH AND FOREIGN INSTITUTE. 
 
 " We have received from a member of that ab- 
 surd place of meeting the two following letters, 
 which we print at his request : — 
 
 106
 
 SIR JAMES GRAHAM AND SAMUEL JONES 
 
 ^^ August 1 6, 1844. 
 
 " Sir, 
 
 " You will see by the stamp on the paper, that 
 I am a member of a club which shall be nameless 
 — but spose its in George Street, Anover Square. 
 
 " I ave friends, lovers of litteryture and members 
 of that club. Halderman Codshead is a lover of 
 littervture and member of that clubb; Mr. X- 
 Sheriff Spettigue is a ditto ditto — and hah ! what 
 tremlous ixitement and dalicious hinflux of joy I 
 ave ad, when Selina Spettigew, in her kinary 
 bonnit and pink muzzlin dress, attended our pres- 
 ident's last lecture on Jericho! I was introdewst 
 to her by the sheriff that day. It was but the fom- 
 mation of a wild itihcffable tremenduous passion on 
 my part. 
 
 " I'm not the honly member of our club of the 
 name of Jones, has you well know. I'm not only 
 not the only Jones, but I'm not the only Samuel 
 Jones — there's another S. J. (ang him, or if you 
 will allow the stronger word, /r^jF doiit baivk yoin^- 
 sel/,) there's another Samuel, the capting, late of 
 the Oxillary Legium, a great feller of near six foot 
 hio[h, with emence beard and mistaches, who al- 
 ways smoax his filthy sigars, and sivells and swag- 
 gers hup and down the club-room as hif it was his 
 own. Heven when Buckinham comes in, this 
 great beast don't stir hisself or take hoff his at. 
 'V^ou may then fansy what a rood monster he is. 
 They say he killed two gents in jewels in Spain: 
 
 and though he's perpcinly hectariug over me, of 
 
 107
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 course /ain't a going to run the risk of gitten my- 
 self anged for the pleasure of shootin' him. Be- 
 sides I never fired a pistol ho£f in my life—but to 
 my porpoise. 
 
 " You must know this beest is always opening my 
 letters. He's at the Hinstitute from mornino: till 
 night, and has I can only stepp in of an evening 
 when my estabblishment (Swan and Edgar's) is 
 closed — of coarse he has the pick and cheius of the 
 letters that come in. And I have my letters di- 
 rected there as well as he has. It "s more fashna- 
 ble. 
 
 " In this way the blaggerd has red many scoars 
 of my letters — those from my Ma and Sisters — 
 those from my Aunt Cowdy in Liverpool — from 
 all my friends in fact: for his curiosity is perfectly 
 iiisashable. But once when I opened one of his 
 letters by mistake, the great broot snapt his fin- 
 gers close to my nose, and swoar he'd pull it if he 
 ever found me meddling with his corspondance 
 again ! The consquance now is, that I am halways 
 ableeged to wait now until he has opened both our 
 sets of letters, before I venter to look at mine. So 
 that I hoft'n say (in bitterness of sperrit) ' there's 
 two on 'em at my letters, Sam Jones and Sir 
 James Graham.' 
 
 " Well ! When I say I made a favorable impres- 
 sion on the art of Selina Spettigew, on the night 
 of that Lectur on Jericho — I bleave I may say so 
 without fear of going wrong. 
 
 " Old Spettigew, who had been asleep during 
 
 io8
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF SAMUEL JONES 
 
 the lecter with his bandanner over his face, woak 
 up where Buckinham came to a stop, and said to 
 me, 
 
 '•'You've taken care of my Selina, Mr. Jones.' 
 "'Sir,' says I, ' I ave,' and Selina's i's and mine 
 met; and we blushed, viy how we did blush! 
 
 '"Fll tell you what, Jones, my boy,' says he (he 
 knows my fammaly,) ' I'm blest if I don't ask you 
 to dinner.' My art beat an hunderd a minute ; I 
 went and called a cab, and put the dear ladies in 
 for Hunter Street, their fammaly manshan, and 
 Spetty and I ad some supper at the Hinstatute, 
 which I stood — the appiest of human beings ! 
 
 :^ ^ ^ i)F % 
 
 " Days roaled on — Spetty never asked me to 
 dinner — I pined and pined as I thought of Selina. 
 I didn't call in Unter Street. Pride pravented 
 me: and bisness hours isn't over till eight. I 
 saw Spetty at the lectur on the tomb of Cheops' 
 grandmother (dalivered by Mr. B.), but he evoided 
 me. I was too prowd to notice him — / am not 
 poor — /am not an adventurer seaking for fa- 
 viours. My father is an aberdasher in the west of 
 Hengland, I am in London honly for my heduca- 
 tion. 
 
 " Fansy then my disgust one day at hearing 
 that other Sam Jones — confound him — a standin' 
 among a score of other chaps, roaring with lafter, 
 and making no end of fun — and imagin my luxry 
 at overearing him say — 
 
 "'You know that little beast my namesake who 
 
 109
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 comes to this infernal hole. He's a haberdasher's 
 apprentice. I open all his letters by mistake — 
 and have read every word about his mama, and 
 his sisters, and his aunt Cowdy. Well sir, six 
 weeks a^o, old Spettigue was here with his 
 
 
 
 daughter at Buck's lecture. The gal's a mon- 
 strous fine gal. I heard Spet say he would ask 
 the little brute to dinner. I got his invitation ; 
 
 answered it, and by Jove, sir, I went. Real turtle 
 — and plenty /of port after dinner.' 
 
 " Hearing this, I was halmost busting with in- 
 dignation. So I goes up to the other Samuel 
 Jones and I says, ' Sir,' says I, 'your umble ser- 
 vant'. 
 
 " At this sarchasm the beest bust out laughing 
 
 1 lO
 
 THE DENOUEMENT 
 
 again — and all the other fellers as well — and has 
 for me — I, sir, can bear it no longer. 
 
 " Ham I to be robbed, my letters to be opened, 
 to be bullied, laughed at, in this dastardly way? 
 No sir, as you have taken the affares of the Hin- 
 stitute in hand — I imploar you pint out the shame- 
 ful impydince practised upon 
 
 " Your constant reader, 
 
 " SAMUEL JONES." 
 
 ^'B. &- F. I. August 1 8, 1844. 
 " Sir, 
 
 " It's too late now. You needn't put in that 
 
 fust letter I wrote. It's no good: no ballsem to a 
 
 broken art. Send me a straight waste -coat, for 
 
 I'm dizzy-stracted. I've jest read in the Morning 
 
 Post the following : — 
 
 " ' Married at St. Pancras, by the Rev. Dr. Golightly, 
 Samuel Jones, Esq., K.S.F., K.S.T., M.B. & F.I., late a 
 Lieutenant in tlie service of her ]\Iost Catholic Majesty, to 
 Selina Scramjaw, only daughter of Mortimer Spettigue, 
 Esq., of Hunter Street, Brunswick Square.' 
 
 " It's his reading my letters that has done it. 
 TJiis is the consequence of the spy system. 
 " No more from your unhappy 
 
 " Sx\MUEL JONES."
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 * 
 
 VOLUME VIII. FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1845 
 
 Thackeray spent the winter of 1844-5 ^n his 
 Egyptian tour. " Travelling Notes " and " Punch 
 in the East " were the result, and not until the 
 22nd of March of the latter year did he resume his 
 miscellaneous commentary upon men and things. 
 The first little contribution, a protest against that 
 ever-recurring scandal of the time — the circularis- 
 ing criminal barrister, is entitled " The Honour of 
 the Bar" (p. 129). It consists of a circular ad- 
 dressed " To the Unfortunate," wherein it appears 
 that " Mr. Oily Gammon, Q.C., still continues to 
 give his valuable assistance," to prove or disprove 
 anything, to bully any witness, cut jokes, shed 
 tears, provide sentiment, with a fine assortment of 
 religious appeals, &:c., on terms to be pre-arranged 
 with his clerk. Thackeray makes no comment, 
 but, after the presentation of the heading to his 
 readers, prefers to let the satire work without en- 
 forcing the moral. " Disgusting Violation of the 
 Rights of Property" (p. 142) comments on the ar- 
 rest of poachers on a field belonging to Sir Robert 
 
 Peel; and " Historical Parallel " (p. 149) compares 
 
 1 12
 
 PRINCE ALBERT MISUNDERSTOOD 
 
 the Standard's description of Peels onslaught 
 upon Disraeli (" the most terrific castigation " 
 ever delivered by man) with the claim of the 
 National of Paris — that " Soult thrashed Wellinor- 
 ton dreadfully at Toulouse." 
 
 There are not fewer than six items in the next 
 week's paper (5 April 1845). "Liberal Reward" 
 
 (p. 151) refers to Lord Ellenborough's presentation 
 of his own sword to Sir Charles Napier, and sug- 
 gests that Lord Brougham as well, Lord " Ellen's " 
 backer at home, is anxiously " looking out for 
 something handsome." 
 
 Then follows the important contribution — " Mr. 
 Smith's reasons for not sending his Pictures to the 
 Royal Academy." The artist, Mr. Sebastian Smith, 
 in the course of a long letter to his aunt, explains 
 that he prefers to exhibit only at his native village 
 
 "3 
 
 H
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 than run the risk of receiving the distinction of 
 having his picture bought at a quarter of its value 
 by the Prince Consort, or of being directed to dec- 
 orate his new kennel with frescoes at a ruinous 
 loss to the painter, with the contingent slight of 
 having his work torn down later on to make way 
 for the productions of some inferior artist. This 
 sarcastic utterance is founded on a false announce- 
 ment that Prince Albert had turned Titian out of 
 the palace in order to make room for modern 
 work. 
 
 The circumstances were simply these. When 
 Prince Albert built the " The New Summer Tem- 
 ple " — that "Pimlico Pavilion" which Thackeray 
 celebrated in Pimch four months after his first as- 
 sault — he determined to have the eight semi-circu- 
 lar lunettes of the little irregular " Octagon Room" 
 decorated by eight different artists in the new 
 method at that time so much discussed in connec- 
 tion with the new Palace of Westminster : that is 
 to say, in fresco. He desired to encourage an art 
 which was being so successfully practised in Ger- 
 many ; and as he regarded the matter in the light 
 of an experiment, as indeed it was, he offered only 
 a nominal price to each artist, namely, ^40. This, 
 no doubt, was but a fraction of what each artist 
 might otherwise have claimed ; but the experi- 
 mental nature of the undertaking was readily ac- 
 cepted as putting the matter outside commercial 
 considerations. The subjects were to be taken 
 
 from Milton's " Comus," and the artists who finally 
 
 114
 
 ETTY'S MORTIFICATION 
 
 illustrated them, taken in the order in which their 
 works appeared, were Stanfield, Uwins, Leslie, 
 Ross, Eastlake, Maclise, Landseer, and Etty — the 
 latter afterwards superseded, unwillingly, by Dyce. 
 Etty, then at the very height of his fame, had 
 selected " Circe and the Sirens Three " and "The 
 Daughter of Hesperus." But his work was out 
 of harmony — as well it might be — with that of the 
 others : he would not give the high finish or the 
 more subdued and tamer colours that his com- 
 rades loved; and, above all, he worked away at 
 fresco as if it were water-colour or oil painting. 
 There is little doubt that, although the two " Cor- 
 ner-Sylphs " that filled the spandrils were alto- 
 gether admirable, he himself was not satisfied with 
 the result; and contemporary criticism sweepingly 
 condemned it. Nor was the Prince more content. 
 He ordered the fresco to be taken down, and the 
 commission, as I have said, was transferred to 
 Dyce. Etty was ignorant of this decision when 
 he sent in his second fresco ; and, to complete the 
 misunderstanding, the Prince was not aware that 
 the artist had proceeded with the " Hesperus " 
 and had delivered it, when he sent him a cheque 
 for ^40. 
 
 Etty took his mortification with pathetic dig- 
 nity ; but when the facts, more or less, leaked out, 
 his friends and admirers gave noisy vent to their 
 indignation, and Thackeray, as is here seen, and 
 Jerrold were amongst the most emphatic. That 
 the former was not much out of his estimate 
 
 115
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 of the money-value of the works is proved by 
 the fact that when the two lunettes were soon 
 afterwards offered for sale, Mr. Wethered, who 
 owned many of Etty's works, bought them for 
 ^400. It is interesting to observe that at the 
 Wethered sales (1856 and 1858) the sketch of the 
 "Hesperus"' was knocked down for ^105, and 
 the " Circe," at the Gillott sale (1872), for not less 
 than ^600. Finally, it should be remarked that 
 Thackeray's suggestion in "A Painter's Wish," 
 here reprinted, to the effect that the Prince had 
 removed Etty's picture on account of the nudity 
 of the figures, had no foundation in fact. 
 
 "Genteel Christianity" (p. 153) calls attention 
 to a sentiment in the Court Circular to the ef- 
 fect that " The Bishop of London held a confirma- 
 tion on Maunday Thursday of iho. juvenile nobility 
 and gentry, dfr." "Who," asks Thackeray, " can 
 say the church is in danger after this ?" On page 
 154 appear the following verses which are here 
 printed in extenso, being as true to-day as when 
 they were written ; they refer, of course, to the 
 Etty incident, already explained. 
 
 "A PAINTER'S WISH. 
 
 I WISH that I could Etty be, 
 A mighty man methinks is he; 
 And strong enough to try a fall 
 With Titian or with Peter Paul. 
 And yet, why deck a palace wall 
 As gorgeously as Peter Paul ? 
 116
 
 "A PAINTER'S WISH" 
 
 He'd love and honour from his prince, 
 My gracious lord would blush and wince ; 
 And so I would not Etty be, 
 To shock my Prince's modesty. 
 
 I would I were the great Landseer, 
 
 To paint the best of dogs and deer; 
 
 I would not care for glory, since 
 
 I pleased my Queen and charmed my Prince. 
 
 And yet I must not wish for that. 
 
 To paint my gracious Prince's hat, 
 
 To paint his cane, his gloves, his shoes, 
 
 To paint his dogs and cockatoos. 
 
 And nought beside, would weary me ; 
 
 And so I would not Landseer be. 
 
 Let famous Edwin still be free 
 To paint his Queen's menagerie ; 
 Let Etty toil for Queen and Crown, 
 And princely patrons spurn him down, 
 I will not ask for courtly fame, 
 When veterans are brought to shame — 
 I will not pine for royal job. 
 Let my M^cenas be a Snob. 
 
 Paul Pindar." 
 
 In the printing of these verses, " spurn " was 
 misprinted "spoon" — a blunder which Thackeray 
 corrected later on (p. 1 70) in a special paragraph, 
 
 " Dog Annexation" (p. 159) is a mock report of 
 certain police-court proceedings in which an Ameri- 
 can adventurer named Polk is supposed to have 
 stolen from a Brazilian grentleman a carriasfe-dosf 
 called " Texas,'' which he had sold to him in 
 
 America. The defendant escapes on convincing 
 
 117
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 the magistrate that he had only "re-annexed" the 
 dog, and is discharged — annexing, as he withdraws, 
 his worship's hat and stick. Bearing in mind that 
 the President of the United States was named 
 Polk, that the English Foreign Secretar}^ was the 
 weak minister, Lord Aberdeen, as well as the dis- 
 pute between the United States and Mexico, the 
 reader may seek out for himself such political al- 
 lusion as he choose. The essential portion of the 
 " Report " is here quoted: — 
 
 "DOG ANNEXATION. 
 
 " John Polk was put to the bar charged with 
 robbing the Mexican minister of a favourite dog, 
 named Texas. The circumstances of the case 
 Don Bernardo Murphy stated to be simply 
 these: — 
 
 " Some months since, John Polk sold his Excel- 
 lency the dog (a very large animal, spotted black 
 and white, that used to run under his carriage), 
 subsequently a fellow, by the name of Houston, 
 a countryman of Polk's, who had been in his 
 Excellency's service, absconded with the dog, and 
 he had that day seen it at Greenwich Fair, whither 
 he had gone in company with Chevalier Bunsen. 
 The animal was tied to a van, belonging to the 
 prisoner, and from which he was haranguing and 
 psalm-singing to the company at the fair. 
 
 " Policeman, X. 21, said — Please your Worship, 
 
 there has been more picking of pockets round 
 
 118
 
 "DOG ANNEXATION" 
 
 that 'ere psalm-singing wan, than in any part of the 
 fair. 
 
 " Mr. Aberdeen. Silence, Policeman, What 
 has that to do with the complaint ? 
 
 " The Mexican Minister continued, in a very 
 agitated manner, ' I instantly recognised my dog, 
 and gave the scoundrel yonder in charge to a 
 policeman.' 
 
 "'Scoundrel!' the prisoner cried, {a very sancti- 
 monious-looking felloiu, who field the dog in his 
 arms) — ' Am I in a Christian land, to hear myself 
 called by such names .'' Are we men.? Are we 
 brethren ? Have we blessings and privileges, or 
 have we not? I come of a country the most en- 
 lightened, the most religious, the most freest, 
 honestest, punctualest, on this airth, I do.' 
 
 " Mr. Aberdeen (with a profound bow). You 
 are an American, I suppose ? 
 
 " Polk. I thank a gracious mussy I am ! I can 
 appeal to everything that is holy, and, laying my 
 hand on my heart, declare I am an honest man. 
 I scorn the accusation that I stole the complain- 
 ant's dog. The dog is my dog — mine by the laws 
 of heaven, airth, right, nature, and possession. 
 
 " Don Bernardo Murphy, very much agitated, 
 here cried out — ' How yours } I can swear to the 
 animal. I bought him of you.' 
 
 " Polk. You did. It's as true as I'm a free-born 
 man. 
 
 " Don Bernardo. A man who was an old servant 
 
 of yours comes into my service and steals the dog. 
 
 119
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 " Polk. A blesseder truth you never told. 
 
 "Don Bernardo. And I find the animal now 
 again in your possession. 
 
 " Polk {ciiddling the dog). Yes, my old dog — 
 yes, my old Texas, it did like to come back to its 
 old master, it did ! 
 
 " Don Bernardo {in a ftiry). I ask your wor- 
 ship, isn't this too monstrous } 
 
 " Mr. Aberdeen. Your excellency will permit 
 me to observe that we have not yet heard Mr. 
 Polk's defence. In a British court justice must 
 be shown, and no favour. 
 
 " Polk. I scorn a defence. The dosf returned 
 to me by a lor of natur — it's wicked to fly aginst a 
 law of natur. If I sold the dog, and by the irre- 
 sistible attraction of cohesion, and the eternal or- 
 der of things, he comes back to me — am I to 
 blame ? Its monstrous, heinous, reglar blasphemy 
 to say so. 
 
 " Mr. Aberdeen appeared deeply struck by the 
 latter observation. 
 
 " Polk {contimicd). I didn't steal the animal. 
 Steal.? Is a man of my character to be called a 
 thief.'* I reatinexed him — that's all. Besides, 
 what jurisdiction has this here court.-* what au- 
 thority has any court on airth in a question pure- 
 ly American.? My bargain with Don Bernardo 
 Murphy took place out of this country — the dog- 
 came back to me thousands of miles away here- 
 from. 
 
 " Mr. Aberdeen. In that case, I really must dis- 
 
 I20
 
 "THE IRISH MARTYRS" 
 
 miss the complaint. Allow me to state my opin- 
 ion, Mr. Polk, that the dog is yours; I have no 
 business to inquire into questions of annexation 
 as you call it, or of robbery as his Excellency here 
 (very rudely, I must think) entitles your bargain 
 I entreat rather that gentlemen so respectable 
 should live together in harmony ; and — and, I wish 
 you both a very good morning. 
 
 " Mr. Polk then left the office whistling to his 
 dog, and making signs of contempt at Don Ber- 
 nardo Murphy, who slunk away in a cab. . . ." 
 
 On the same page "The '82 Club Uniform" 
 shows how Smith O'Brien declared that costume 
 to be the proper military uniform of Ireland, only 
 now requiring a sword to complete it — a sugges- 
 tion which "dreadfully frightened Mr.O'Connell." 
 
 Thackeray returns to the subject the week (p. 
 168) with a characteristic verse, entitled " The 
 Irish Martyrs : ' The Martvrs wore the uniform of 
 the '84 Club'": 
 
 " At Kilkenti}' King Dan and his Marthyrs 
 
 Sat down to their platthers and jorums, 
 In lovely green-coats and goold garthers — 
 
 Och sure they are sweet uniforums ! 
 But there's martyrs besides those repailers 
 
 Who on the occasion displayed them — 
 The martyrs I mean are the tailors, 
 
 The tailors at Dublin who made them." 
 
 The author seems somewhat out of temper this 
 week; in "For the Court Circular" (p. 167) he 
 
 121
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 twits Disraeli for not retaliating on Peel; in " Royal 
 Patronage of Art" he once more animadverts on 
 the financial rout of artists honoured by the Court ; 
 and again, in " Gross Insult to the Court" (p. 170) 
 he pointedly refers to the offer by a Birmingham 
 tradesman to Mr, Turner of ^5000 for three pict- 
 ures. To this Punch adds a Note : " We have our 
 private opinion of the tradesman who made, and 
 the artist who 7'cfused, the above offer, but that is 
 neither here nor there." 
 
 Returning to the gossip to which he alludes in 
 " Mr. Smith s Reasons " and " Royal Patronage of 
 Art," Thackeray deals yet again with the matter a 
 week later in a pretended address by Punch to 
 "the Commission of Fine Arts" (p. 172) — a body 
 which had first been gazetted in November of 
 1 84 1. He cannot believe the story, he says, and 
 begs the Commission to inquire into and denounce 
 the truth of it. It is, he says, "impossible," yet he 
 continues: "'A great prince insulting a poor artist, 
 is like a lifeguardsman bullying a little baby. 
 There is something cruel in the mere idea. The 
 poor thing can't resist : it was only meant for ca- 
 ressing and kindness, to be dandled on the giant's 
 knee, not pommelled by his great fist. . . . What 
 is a royal Prince who knows his business 1 . . . W^e 
 place him glittering above us ; his part of the job 
 is to shine and be splendid like the sun — the sun, 
 which shines not only on mountains, castles, ele- 
 phants, and such big things, but kindly illuminates 
 
 a cock-sparrow in a gutter, and warms a worm on 
 
 1 22
 
 "LITERARY NEWS" 
 
 a dunghill." They are, he says, " ' allegations which 
 I myself totally disbelieve. I don't believe that a 
 generous British Court asked for a picture, didn't 
 pay for a picture, and ended by removing it from 
 the wall' . . . Here amidst a great uproar of shrieks, 
 yells, hisses, cries of ' treason,' ' turn him out,' &c., 
 Mr. Pnitc/is Speech was concluded by his being 
 hustled out of the committee-room by the police- 
 man." It is clear from the w^hole of this long article 
 that Thackeray thoroughly believed in the charge 
 he was bringing, and that the chivalry of his nature 
 roused him to unusual indignation. But it was 
 only when it was too late that Mr. Punch regretted 
 the injustice of his criticism of Albert the Good. 
 
 Under the title of "Literary News" (p. 184) 
 Thackeray compares two recent journalistic events: 
 " Louis Philippe makes Victor Hugo a Peer of 
 France, and the Duke of Wellington calls the 
 Morning Post a liar. In France the Journalists 
 think that the King has bestowed a deserved hon- . 
 our on one of their profession. In England, the 
 Morning- Post feels much obliged because the 
 Duke accuses it of falsehood. In return for this 
 compliment, the brave Briton cringes down to the 
 testy old nobleman's feet. ... In France, then, a 
 literary man is made a Duke ; in England he is 
 happy to be kicked by one." 
 
 The facts are these : On leaving the House of 
 Lords the Duke gave his arm to a short-sighted 
 member, and the reporter, not properly discrimi- 
 nating, thought it was the Duke who was being
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 led away. He hastened to Apsley House and on 
 being informed that the Duke was well, reported 
 to his paper the "facts " of the illness and conva- 
 lescence. The Duke, with characteristic brusque- 
 ness, wrote to request the editor " to give directions 
 that when his (the Duke's) name is inserted in his 
 paper in future, care should be taken that it is not 
 made the matter for a falsehood." 
 
 Colonel Sibthorp, the member for Lincoln, was 
 one of PmicJis favourite butts by reason of his 
 almost unique persistence in wearing whiskers, 
 moustache, and beard — then an unheard-of fashion 
 in England ; but his kindly nature secured him 
 against anything liJ-ie ill-natured attack in any por- 
 tion of the comic press. Notwithstanding, he was 
 ridiculed good-humouredly in every paper. On this 
 occasion Thackeray seized the opportunity of pok- 
 ing fun at both Sibthorp and Wordsworth, on the 
 strength of a widely-quoted rumour that the Colo- 
 nel was about to shave! On page i88 we have 
 his " Ode to Sibthorp, by the Poet Laureate," 
 preceded by a " Notice " in which " W. W.'s " man- 
 ner and practice are alike felicitously parodied. 
 
 "ODE TO SIBTHORP, BY THE POET LAUREATE. 
 
 NOTICE. 
 
 " In the distant solitude of my mountains, the 
 
 echoes of the great world reach me faintly and 
 
 seldom. But as the storm sometimes ruffles the 
 
 placid bosom of my lakes, the political tempest 
 
 124
 
 COLONEL SIBTHORP'S SACRIFICE 
 
 breaks over the Poet, too, occasionally, and blows 
 into commotion the placid depths of his soul. 
 
 " It was on reading in my paper (the St.Jaiiicss 
 Chronicle, which, with some friends, I have taken 
 in for thirty-three years) the announcement, by my 
 admirable friend Colonel Sibthorp, that he was 
 
 about to sacrifice his life and his whiskers upon 
 the altar of his country, that I felt a tumultuous 
 movement to me very unusual. 
 
 " I bathed twice in the lake, and, having as- 
 cended Mount Rydal, I lay down upon the top- 
 most peak there, and flung my feelings into the 
 following lyrical shape. I chose the Anapaestic 
 
 measure, as best suited to express the agitation 
 
 125
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 of the subject of the sacrifice. The other metres 
 employed in the ode are of a cahner tendency, as 
 the reader will see. 
 
 " The Genius of Britain is made to interpose 
 between our Curtius and the sacrifice he medi- 
 tates. That she may be successful, is the earnest 
 hope of 
 
 W. W. 
 
 " P.S. — I cannot but think the accompanying 
 design of singular significance and beauty. 
 
 ®&e 
 
 ON MY FRIEND COLONEL SIBTHORP PROPOSING TO SACRIFICE 
 HIS LIFE AND HIS WHISKERS. 
 
 " ' In the cause of my country, who says I'm afear'd — ' 
 Says Waldo of Lincoln, ' to cut off my beard ? 
 Her rights to maintain, and her honour to save. 
 Who questions how much or how little I'd shave? 
 
 A Protestant born, and a gentleman bred, 
 I'd cut my mustashes with pitiless gashes — 
 I'd shave off my whiskers, my tuft, my eyelashes — 
 I'd shave off my beard, and I'd shave off my head.' 
 
 Pleased with the Colonel and his courage wild, 
 
 The British Lion wagged his tail and smiled; 
 
 Afid Britain thus addressed her wayward, whiskered child: — 
 
 " My bold Dragoon, my favourite son, 
 With heart as bold and manly 
 As beats the ribs of Wellington, 
 Or warms the breast of Stanley : 
 126
 
 — DECLINED 
 
 Thou art in)^ boy, m}- pride and joy, 
 
 Of chivalry the model; 
 And yet the sense is not immense 
 
 In that poor honest noddle ; 
 
 What cause hath wrought thy rambling thought 
 
 This martyrdom to think on ? 
 There's many here that I can spare, 
 
 But not my man of Lincoln. 
 
 What would they in the Commons do, 
 
 And in the strangers' gall'ry, 
 Were they by death deprived of you, 
 
 My model of chivalry ? 
 
 That head, now fixed on your body, 
 
 Is wondrous small of profit ; 
 But smaller yet the good would be, 
 
 My son, when shaven off it. 
 
 Retain your head, my son, and prize 
 
 Your face above all money : 
 That face so vacuously wise, 
 
 So dolorously funny. 
 
 Ah, never cause those meagre jaws 
 
 To lose their tufted glories; 
 And never shave that face so grave, 
 
 My Champion of the Tories. 
 
 Keep on your beard, your head keep on, 
 
 My orders are explicit; 
 You might not know that it was gone — 
 
 But I, my son, should miss it." 
 
 " T/t?/s spoke Britannia's genius excellent; 
 The British Lion tvagged his tail intent; 
 127
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 And SiBTHORP, blushing deep, and loth to risk her 
 
 Displeasure, humbly at her footstool leant. 
 And swore he would maintain both head, and tuft, and 
 whisker.^'' 
 
 The author's remaining contributions for the 
 week are two political items of little importance: 
 " Humours of the House of Commons," illustrat- 
 ing the difficulties of Mr. Law, the Recorder, in 
 grappling with his speech, and " You're Another," 
 the charges made by members against certain of 
 their colleagues of the very faults usually charged 
 against themselves.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 VOLUME VIII. {continued') 
 
 "The Excellent New Ballad of Mr. Peel at To- 
 ledo" (p. 195) is one of Thackeray's longest and 
 most elaborate set of comic verses in Punch. Ap- 
 pearing on the 3rd of May 1845, they deal with 
 an adventure — unimportant, but a good deal 
 laughed at — of the second Sir Robert Peel, then 
 Attache at our Embassy in Madrid, Mr. Bulwer 
 (afterwards Lord Bailing and Bulwer) being at that 
 time Minister. As is stated in the note, in each of 
 the eleven stanzas the word Toledo is made to 
 rhyme alternately with "aydo" and " eedo." 
 
 "THE EXCELLENT NEW BALLAD OF MR. PEEL 
 AT TOLEDO.' 
 
 Says Bulwer to Peel, 
 
 " This note where my seal 
 And ambassador's* arms are displa3'ed O, 
 
 Is big with a freight 
 
 Of secrets of weight, 
 Concerning a town of Tolaydo. 
 
 " ' Toledo, Tolaydo. As in our country, the name of tliat famous city 
 is always pronounced in the former manner, Toleedo, whilst in Spain it is 
 invariably called Tolaydo, I have thought proper to make a compromise in 
 my little poem, and to give each method of pronunciation a chance in the 
 course of the stanza of twelve lines." 
 
 " ^ Mr. Bulwer is only our minister at Madrid, but I have thought it 
 more respectful to give him the ambassadorial title." 
 I 129
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 'Tis a delicate job, 
 
 And I've chosen you, Bob, 
 And beg you will hasten with speed O, 
 
 And deliver the note 
 
 Where you see that I've wrote 
 The address, — at the town of Toledo.' 
 
 " So quit your cigars, 
 
 And your twangling guitars, 
 And the beautiful dames on the Prado*; 
 
 And haste and fulfil 
 
 Your Ambassador's will, 
 By posting away to Tolaydo." 
 
 " Some pangs I may feel 
 
 To part," says young Peel, 
 " From music, and women, and weed ! 
 
 But to honor my Queen, 
 
 I would run to Pekin, 
 And shall I not go to Toledo ?" 
 
 So he uttered a roar' 
 
 For his carriage and four. 
 The order was straightway obey'd, O, 
 
 And he bade his young man to 
 
 Pack up his portmanteau. 
 And was off in a trice to Tolaydo. 
 
 " My pistols I'll load ; 
 
 (Says he,) for the road, 
 And make the banditti to bleed, O. 
 
 With powder and ball, 
 
 I'll massacre all 
 The rogues between this and Toledo." 
 
 " ' I consider this mystery as very fine — you see the address is not speci- 
 fied — I only say at the tozvn of Toledo — whereabouts in Toledo ? that re- 
 mains a secret between his Excellency and his Attache." 
 
 " *The Prado,the Hyde Park of Madrid, where the nobility drive about in 
 their tertuUias, and the idlers pass their time in dancing the Muchacha, &c., 
 and amusing themselves with " cigars '" and " guitars," as above described." 
 
 ^'^ A roar for his carriage and four. As indicating impetuous youthful 
 haste, I must be permitted to consider this expression very fine." 
 
 130
 
 "MR. PEEL AT TOLEDO" 
 
 Now galloping fast, 
 
 The journey is past 
 As quick as four animals may do. 
 
 Till at length the postilions 
 
 (Those faithful Sevillians)' 
 Drive up to the gates of Tolayclo. 
 
 They pull up their mules, 
 
 (For such do the fools 
 Employ, and not horses as we do), 
 
 And say — " Monsignor, 
 
 We are now at the door 
 Of the elegant town of Toledo.'" 
 
 Some carabineers 
 
 Kept guard it appears 
 At the gate, and imagine what they do? 
 
 The rascals approach 
 
 To examine the coach 
 As it stops at the door of Tolaydo! 
 
 "Let go my barouche," 
 
 With a scream and a push, 
 Says Peel, as they ventured the deed, O. 
 
 And, inspir'd with disgust, 
 
 His pistols he thrust 
 In the face of the men of Toledo. 
 
 " Have a care, my signers," 
 
 The gentleman roars. 
 As fierce as a Western tornado, 
 
 "Approach my coach panes, 
 
 And I'll blow out the brains 
 Of each carabineer in Tolaydo. 
 
 " ' Though Toledo is not in Seville, yet as the postilions viay have been 
 of that city, I conceive myself quite authorised in using the expression." 
 
 '"'And it is an elegant town, as may be seen by Roberts's delightful 
 sketches." 
 
 131
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 I swear with an oath 
 
 To murder I'm loath, 
 But if ever you venture on me do ; 
 
 With powder and ball 
 
 I'll murder you all, 
 As sure as you live at Toledo." 
 
 The Carabineers, 
 
 They heard him with fears, 
 And stood, in their glory arrayed, O 
 
 All formed in long lines, 
 
 With their big carabines', 
 Across the main street of Tolaydo. 
 
 " Be hanged to his shot," 
 
 Says the Captain. " For what, 
 "Gainst fifty can one, such as he do ?" 
 
 His pistols Peel cocks, 
 
 (They were IManton's or Nocks'), 
 And prepares to encounter Toledo. 
 
 But what sudden alarms 
 
 Make the soldiers ground arms, 
 As if they were told on parade, O.^ 
 
 What angel of peace 
 
 Bids the hubbub to cease 
 Twixt Peel and the guard of Tolaydo .-^ 
 
 Inform'd of the rout. 
 
 And what 'twas about. 
 As quickly as if he were fee'd O^, 
 
 At double quick trot 
 
 There comes to the spot 
 The Political Chief of Toledo. 
 
 " ' As tkey fortn in loiii; lines with their big carabines. — Surely this is a 
 noble way of expressing the armament of the gallant fellows, and gives a 
 fine picture to the imagination." 
 
 " ^ Can haste be more dexterously described? — as quickly as if he were 
 feed." 
 
 132
 
 "MR. PEEL AT TOLEDO" 
 
 He beseeches his sons 
 
 To fling down their guns, 
 With a voice Hke the canes of Barbado', 
 
 " Why seek, silly boy," 
 
 He says, "to destroy 
 The peace of the town of Tolaydo." 
 
 Young Peel, at his frown, 
 
 Was fain to look down, 
 As mute as a fish or torpedo; 
 
 And, looking sheepi'sh", 
 
 Says " It wasn't my wish 
 To kick up a row in Toledo." 
 
 It wasn't for quarrels 
 
 That these double-barrels 
 From out my coach-door were displayed O 
 
 But to ask if a pistol 
 
 Was subject to fiscal 
 Or custom-house dues at Tolaydo ? 
 
 The Political chief 
 
 Expressed his belief. 
 Bob grinned at the simpleton's credo', 
 
 The Carabineers 
 
 They uttered three cheers. 
 And bade the young hero proceed, O ! 
 
 And the name of the youth 
 
 Is famous for truth, 
 Henceforth, in Madrid and Toledo. 
 
 " ' I mean stveet, like the well-known sugar-cane, which renders our 
 tea agreeable, and is so indispensable an adjunct to our puddings." 
 
 " ^ I have made him look like a sheep, a fish, and a torpedo in two 
 lines. This is by way of giving an idea of doubt, perplexity, hesitation — 
 all incidental to the young gentleman's situation." 
 
 " ^ I need not tell my accomplis<ied friends that credo in Spanish means 
 ' I believe — ' and a great many monstrous fibs, humbugs, and absurd 
 statements those Spanish simpletons do believe, according to the authority 
 of travellers."
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 MORAL 
 
 My tale it is said, 
 
 And now it is read, 
 My jolly philosophers say do, 
 
 If Bobby the old. 
 
 Isn't sometimes as bold 
 As Bobby the young at Tolaydo? 
 
 Yes, the sire and the colt, 
 
 Both know how to bolt, 
 'Tis the chivalrous blood of the breed O, 
 
 And we see in the youth 
 
 The Man of Maynooth, 
 And in Parliament House his Toledo." 
 
 A fortnight later (p. 220) the author had to ad- 
 mit that in his notes he erroneously described a 
 "tertullia" as a coach, instead of as an evening 
 party, and " Muchacha" as a dance instead of a girl 
 — as if he did not know. 
 
 The next number of Punch contains two orood- 
 humoured references by Thackeray to the numer- 
 ous portraits of Prince Albert. The first is spoken 
 of as " the forty-fifth this year," a photograph, and 
 the forty-sixth, Thorburn's fine miniature just ex- 
 hibited in the Royal Academy, (No. 795 in the 
 Catalogue — " painted by especial command ") — 
 and they are hailed as a "Delightful Novelty" (p. 
 205). The second reference is that of a beadle 
 who expresses his intense gratification at his "Rile 
 Iness Prince Halbert (bless him!)" holding ''my 
 particler staff \vl his &." The letter is dated from 
 
 '34
 
 PORTRAIT OF THE PRINCE CONSORT 
 
 the Quadrant, "Hopsit the Fire Hoffis." The 
 picture is thus described : — 
 
 " His Rile Eyeness (womb Evins preserve) is a 
 painted in his Feel-Martial Youniform. ... his 
 Is a rollin about like hanythink. ... he olds his 
 Cock-At and phethars. He has his borders on — 
 the Garter on his breast, and the Golden Fleas 
 round his neck. A huzza is coming up to him 
 with his Ryal oss, and Whinzer Carcel is drawn 
 up at the Back of the Sean, with a quanty Ham- 
 younition and canning-balls. 
 
 "In his rite-& he olds my staf — so — 
 
 O is the Oss. H is the Huzza. C is Windsor Castle, {where 
 I've iiitivjiticed somebody a looking out a winder), and S is my 
 own identical staugh as hever was. 
 
 I 
 
 'J3
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Praps now this complymint has been pade our 
 horder, you'll seece bein quite so abewsif about 
 Biddies." 
 
 Society now became greatly moved at the an- 
 nouncement of the Queen's BaL Costume^ for which 
 invitations were already sent out. It was not the 
 first that had been held, but this bal potidre, which 
 was to illustrate the decade following 1740, had 
 the curious effect of inordinately exciting the 
 minds of the bidden guests over the monstrous 
 charges which the elife of the hair -dressers were 
 reported to be making. Ten guineas par tete were 
 talked of and the " artistes " were so busy that 
 " heads " were to be made days before the event. 
 Under the felicitous sub-title of " Powder and Ball " 
 Thackeray, who was very wroth with the whole 
 affair, attacked alike the entertainment and those 
 who took part in it, and suffered from it. Intro- 
 ducing the subject with the question — " Isn't it 
 noble to think of the great and proud British aris- 
 tocracy tricked out, like Pantaloon, in the ugliest, 
 most foolish, most absurd costume that ever was 
 invented since the world began .?" — (for hoops were 
 to be worn) — he writes a long letter purporting to 
 be addressed by Viscountess Rubadub of 152, 
 Grosvenor Square, to her sister Lady Panny Fan- 
 towzle, then residing in Paris. She points out that 
 as she and her six daughters are invited the ex- 
 pense of hair-dressing would be enormous, and she 
 asks her sister, at her son's suggestion, to send her 
 
 over a French barber " who has dressed hair for 
 
 136
 
 THE QUEEN'S BAL POUDRE 
 
 the low theatres, and the low balls " for which "all 
 the grisettes in Paris; all the tipsy apprentices of 
 the Carnival ; all the shop-girls, medical students, 
 pickpockets, and worse people still, have been 
 powdering and patching any time these ten years." 
 Truly, Thackeray was no courtier. Indeed, he 
 emphasised his point three weeks later (7 June, 
 1845) when, under the title of " Her Majesty's Bal 
 Poudre " \^szc'\ he recommended a variety of cos- 
 tumes for celebrities, and made suggestive hy- 
 potheses such as these : 
 
 "If his Royal Highness The PRI^xE wears the 
 dress of George the Second — who despised and 
 bullied artists as we know in Hogarth's case — we 
 engage to find a painter who will be delighted to 
 be kicked down-stairs by His Royal Highness. 
 
 " If Peel will go to the Bal Poudre in the cos- 
 tume of his grandfather, we will not make a single 
 joke at him for six weeks. 
 
 ^P tP tF "fP TV* 
 
 " If Will. Hogarth and Harry Fielding 
 could wake up and witness the scene, and behold 
 respectable old men befooling themselves in mas- 
 querade dresses, modest old matrons forced to be- 
 grime themselves with powder, and disfigure their 
 persons with monstrous hoops and furbelows : if 
 they could see grave statesmen and generals 
 obliged to dress up with wigs like Pantaloons in 
 the Pantomine; and high-bred English gentle- 
 women ordered to powder and rouge like moun- 
 tebanks in a fair: Good Lord! what an opinion 
 
 137
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 they would form of the taste of our court, and 
 what a satire they could make between them !" 
 
 On May 24th, (No. 202) Thackeray devoted a 
 whole page to one of his powerful and earnest ap- 
 peals in favour of Sunday Opening of Museums, 
 which was not less effective for beino^ conceived 
 in a sarcastic vein. He took two letters to the 
 Times as his text. In the first, "A Clerk, Who 
 never leaves business until dusk" wrote to ask 
 why, if "their Royal Highnesses the Duke of 
 Cambridge, Prince George," and many others, as 
 quoted from the daily papers, were permitted to 
 visit an exhibition of the Royal Academy on a 
 Sunday, it was unrational, un-Christian-like, and 
 improper for him to do the like, after attending 
 Divine Service in the morning." " One of the 
 People called Christians" replied that these 
 titled personages " violated their duty to God and 
 society " by " an act immoral and indecent in it- 
 self," which certainly would bring about, &c., &c. 
 — " as in Paris." Thackeray proceeded to com- 
 ment upon the latter document which, he de- 
 clared, had thrown Mr. Punch into a fury : 
 " Stiggins — it's Stiggins — I know it is — the 
 rascal ! to say the Royal Family is immoral and 
 indecent" exclaimed the Sage, who, next day 
 indited an "ironic letter" to the clerk afore- 
 said. In the course of it the writer draws a very 
 charming picture of the poor clerk's happy home, 
 and then reproaches him for the unnatural desire 
 to elevate his thoughts with Art on a Sunday — 
 
 138
 
 SUNDAY OPENING OF PICTURE GALLERIES 
 
 "and a very liberal and kind Christian he must 
 be who warns you. It is a mistake to fancy that 
 an examination of works of art, though they may 
 ennoble and improve your mind on Saturday, is 
 not an odious and wicked action on Sunday ! . . . 
 ,As for the Grand Duchess Stephanie of Baden, 
 her Royal Highness is a Frenchwoman by birth, 
 and a Princess living in a country where sad er- 
 rors prevail — this dreadful one among others : — 
 of admitting the public to recreation after the 
 hours of devotion on the Sabbath, and flinofins: 
 the galleries and museums open to the poor who 
 can see them on no other day. Make up your 
 mind, my lad, and console yourself for living in 
 the only country in Europe where you are de- 
 barred from such godless enjoyments . . . We 
 are right, depend upon it — and all the world for 
 ages and ages is wrong. ... I can't think of a 
 company of French or German peasants (I have 
 seen very many such) dancing under an elm-tree, 
 with Monsieur le Cure looking on, very likely, 
 without a feeling of horror at their criminality — 
 tempered, however, with pleasure in remember- 
 ing that we in England are free from such 
 crime. . . . Some of these unfortunate creatures 
 believe it is wrong to eat mutton-chops on a Fri- 
 day — and the wretched bigots will tell you that it 
 is ' immoral and indecent and an insult to Heaven 
 and Society ' to do such a thing. Blind and mis- 
 erable superstition ! You must not amuse yourself 
 on Sunday with pictures — but as for chops on a 
 
 139
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Friday, eat as many of them, my good friend, as 
 you can buy. ... It might be rest to your weary 
 eyes, that have been bleared all the week over the 
 blue lines in a ledger, to look at such a picture as 
 the Catherine oi Raphael in the National Gallery, 
 or the Claude that hangs beside it. . . . Who 
 knows whether the sight of God's beautiful world 
 might not awaken as warm feelings of reverence 
 and crratitude as the talk of the Rev. Mr. Stig- 
 GINS indoors, who was howling perdition at me 
 over his pulpit cushion for not being present sit- 
 ting under him? It is very probable that he 
 thinks his sermon a very much finer thing than a 
 fair landscape, and can't understand how a picture 
 should move any mortal soul. . . . Depend on it, 
 Stiggins knows best what's good for you. . . . 
 Never mind all Europe, but stick to Stiggins. . . . 
 And if doubts and repinings et'/// cross your abom- 
 inable mind, read over his letter." There is more 
 of the sort, in which Thackeray reminds Stiggins 
 that his logic is weak — that " you might go out for 
 a walk of an afternoon, but it does not follow that 
 you should stay out all night. . . . And our admir- 
 able legislature has provided that only the gin-shops 
 should be opened on Sunday — not the wicked 
 theatres." Had Thackeray only known that not 
 until a half-a-century later would that opening be 
 granted for which he so stoutly pleaded !* 
 
 * It is interesting, now that the Sunday opening of muse- 
 ums is regarded as an established boon by an important sec- 
 
 140
 
 "FATHER MATHEWS DEBTS" 
 
 The same number contains a couple of stanzas 
 on "Father Mathew's Debts" — which, to the 
 amount of ^7000, had to be defrayed by sympa- 
 thising and appreciative friends in England. The 
 second verse develops an attack on Daniel O'Con- 
 nell : 
 
 "Who paid Big Dan? 
 I, says starving Paddy, 
 Though I'm a poor laddy, 
 But I'll do all I can 
 For that sootherin man, 
 Who discoorsis so gran' 
 Och Dan!" 
 
 But four years later (September 1849) Punch 
 turned on Father Mathew for having, when in 
 
 tion of the more serious-minded of the population, to note that 
 the last Return with respect to the British Museum shows the 
 following figures : 
 
 256 ordinary week-days, 454,998 visitors ; 8 hours open ; 
 222 visitors per hour. 
 44 Sundays, 37,886 visitors ; 37} hours open ; 239 visit- 
 ors per hour. 
 Similarly, during the incomparable exhibition of Turner's 
 works held at the Guildhall of the City of London in 1899, 
 the average attendances numbered t^oo per kour on week-days, 
 and 348 per hour on Sundays. Again, during i8g8 (the last 
 report available at the time of writing) the daily attendance at 
 the National Gallery of British Art (" The Tate Gallery ") 
 averaged between 700 and 800 on week-days, and 1000 on 
 Sundays. It is therefore possible — in view of this practical 
 expression of opinion on the part of the public — that the 
 Royal Academy may come in course of time to share Thack- 
 eray's views and to take action upon them. 
 
 141
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Boston, abruptly declined an invitation to attend 
 an Anti-Slavery meeting on the ground that "he 
 was not aware of any passage in Scripture forbid- 
 ding the existence of slavery." 
 
 For some while past Sir Robert Peel had been 
 engaged in the pleasing occupation of "dishing the 
 Whigs," and this Liberal tendency of the Conserv- 
 ative Government had naturally not escaped the 
 usual criticism. Mr. Cobden had declared in the 
 House that, in the circumstances, "a Conservative 
 Government is an organised hypocrisy," and in 
 Punch Leech had pointed the like moral in his 
 admirable Cartoon of the " Pas des Miroirs ; or, 
 the Power of Imitation" — in which he showed the 
 Conservative Cabinet aping the Liberal leaders in 
 "a very ingenious dance which has for some time 
 past excited the admiration of all who have wit- 
 nessed it." Thackeray treated the matter very 
 happily from another point of view. About this 
 time the fountains of Trafalgar Square, which had 
 already come in for the sarcasm and ridicule so 
 long continued on account of their absurd inade- 
 quacy, had begun to play, and it was found that 
 the Union Club, which stands on the west side of 
 the Square, was entirely deprived of water from the 
 well which it had sunk some time before at great 
 expense. Thackeray did not fail to note the par- 
 allel, and in " The Allegory of the Fountains" 
 (No. 203) he neatly drew it, for the benefit of his 
 
 readers. 
 
 142
 
 "THE ALLEGORY OF THE FOUNTAINS" 
 
 "The Clubbists of the Union sank a well 
 Deep, deep into the bowels of Pall Mall ; 
 The rushing water gurgled in the shaft 
 And all the footmen washed, and all the members quaffed. 
 
 Two wondrous fontanels arose to grace. 
 
 Lord Nelson's column and Trafalgar Place; 
 
 Deep in the bosom of the earth below, 
 
 The builder digged to make his fountains froth and flow. 
 
 Up, up to heaven Trafalgar's Fountains rose. 
 Their spray bedewed the Duke of Bronte's nose, 
 George's fat statue, and St. IMartin's Rail, 
 And bathed in silver dew Northumbrians Lion Tail. 
 
 Down, deeper down, the Union's water sank. 
 
 No more the footmen washed, the members drank : 
 
 Ask ye the fatal reason of the drought ? 
 
 The Union wells were sold, and up Trafalgar's spout. 
 
 A moral from those Fountains twain I drew, 
 (Each thing in life a moral hath, or two,) 
 And thought St. Stephen's Chapel could compete 
 With those two aqueducts of Cockspur Street. 
 
 The Liberals sought and found the spring and sank it — 
 It was the cunning Tories came and drank it ; 
 'Twas Russell bade the waters rise and flow, 
 Lo from Peel's brazen pipes it issues now ! 
 
 Thus recognising Whig and Tory types 
 In voluble and brazen water-pipes — 
 I'm thankful that the stream at last is free ; 
 Bobby or Johnny what's the odds to me } 
 
 'Tis hard for John, no doubt, that stealthy Bob 
 His stream of fame should thus divert and rob; 
 And that for which he toiled through seasons hot, 
 Should fructify another's garden-plot. 
 
 143
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Let us, not caring for the strife a dump, 
 
 Accommodate ourselves with Peel for pump; 
 
 And so the liberal waters to compel. 
 
 Pump freemen, day and night ! and work the handle 
 
 WELL ! 
 
 On the same page we find two other, very un- 
 important, contributions — the one on the " Spht 
 in ConciHation Hall " (that is to say, the public 
 beginning of the great quarrel between " Young 
 Ireland " and " Old Ireland ") ascribed to a master- 
 stroke of policy on the part of Peel ; and the 
 other is a further double-barrelled shot at the Bal 
 Poudre and the Prince Consort. It is playfully 
 suQfSfested that the ball was instituted " in order 
 to accustom his Royal Highness the Prince-Field 
 Marshal to the smell of powder." 
 
 Irish politics now engaged Thackeray's atten- 
 tion far more often and more fully than his pub- 
 lished works suggest. To the fulminations of Dan 
 O'Connell he ever lent a good-natured ear. Yet 
 he replied with warmth, entertaining all the while 
 feelings not unkindly towards the Liberator; and 
 to the more sincere and disinterested violence of 
 the Young Ireland party, led by Thomas Davis 
 and Mr. (afterwards Sir) Charles Gavan Duffy, he 
 retorted with some show of contemptuous irony. 
 It was not till later that he understood how pure 
 was the flame that burned in the breasts of these 
 ardent, seditious young patriots, and how real and 
 brilliant the genius of certain among them.* In 
 
 * When Thackeray went lecturing in the United States in 
 
 144
 
 THACKERAY AND "YOUNG IRELAND" 
 
 No. 205 Thackeray printed a two-column letter, 
 headed " Young Ireland " and addressed by " Mr. 
 Punch (of Ptmch) to Mr. Davis (of The Nation^ 
 — that colleague to whose memory his fellow-work- 
 er, Sir Charles Gavan Duffy afterwards devoted 
 one of the most touching and passionate tributes 
 that ever were conceived by an admiring mind and 
 a noble and tender heart. 
 
 " I write not to Davis," says Thackeray, " of 
 whom I never heard until now ; but to the great 
 leader of the Irish nation." This dedication is 
 ironical, and the writer proceeds to develop his 
 satire. " Fools that English statesmen are, and 
 ignorant of the state of affairs in Ireland ! It is 
 Dan we fancy is still regnant. We don't know 
 
 1852, with Mr. Eyre Crowe, A.R.A., to take care of him 
 (" Crowe is my immensest comfort," he wrote to Mrs. Brook- 
 field), he there came upon Thomas Francis Meagher. Mr. 
 Crowe records in "With Thackeray in America" that they 
 met in the railway car him whom, as " Meagher of the Sword," 
 Thackeray had so unmercifully mauled in Punch. Meagher 
 was delightful and entertaining. "It was interesting to see," 
 says Mr. Crowe, "this impromptu meeting of the now^ genial 
 rebel and the author of the ' Battle of Limerick,' written in 
 Punch in 1848, and to think of its well-known lines . . . Need- 
 less to add that these were not adverted to . . . One of the 
 incidents which delighted his interlocutor was heard subse- 
 quently. Some one, in the presence of Meagher, spoke disre- 
 spectfully of Her INIajesty the Queen, which so roused the 
 anger of the rebel that, but for friendly interference, he would 
 have given the unmannerly lout a sound thrashing." But 
 whoever denied the sense of chivalry of the group that gath- 
 ered round Duffy, Davis, and The Nation ? 
 K 145
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 that you have come quietly in and deix)sed him. 
 'How the deuce shall we appease the old fellow?' 
 says Peel to me. ' How the dickens, Duke, are 
 we to satisfy him ?' says I to an illustrious war- 
 rior. We are still thinking about O'Connell, 
 when — fiddle-de-dee — the pea is not under the 
 thimble at all. It is no longer Dan, but Davis ! . . . 
 'The garrison of Dublin,' you go on to say, 'was 
 paraded. Its cartridges were ready, its battalions 
 concentrated, to meet — unarmed citizens. Viceroy 
 of the Alien! your precautions were cowardly.' 
 This is not merely fine eloquence, but very noble, 
 courageous conduct, too. I like the spirit of the 
 fellow who goes up to a soldier, and shakes his fist 
 in the tyrant's face, exclaiming — ' You dastardly 
 coward! you armed ruffian! you miserable bully! 
 I could thrash you if I liked, but I don't choose ;' 
 for though the soldier has precise orders not to 
 move out of his place, yet it is evident he might 
 move, the blood-thirsty assassin! — and what right 
 has he to be interposing his great bayonet and 
 cartouche-box in the society of peaceful men ? . . . 
 Ah ! dear Sir, don't fancy we are all indifferent to 
 your wrongs. Europe must contemplate with 
 horror the atrocious tyranny under which yo.u 
 labour. Three or four hundred thousand of you 
 can't meet as in other countries, and hurl defiance 
 at an iniquitous government, — but troops must get 
 ready their cartridges forsooth ! You can't make 
 little attempts to disunite the empire, but some of 
 
 you are clapped into prison. Every nation and 
 
 146
 
 TO DAVIS, OF THE NATION 
 
 every regular government in Europe must look 
 down with profound pity upon this tremendous 
 oppression, and join with you in your appeals for 
 liberty. ... In the mean time, and until young 
 Davis has mastered old Dan, let us see fairly the 
 state of things: — The Irishmen assemble by mill- 
 ions, and the British tyrant does nothing. O'Con- 
 NELL reigns and levies taxes, and the British tyrants 
 let him. Davis calls the Queen an alien ; the army 
 cowards; instigates 'triumph;' has no objection to 
 blood ; incites, infuriates, simple folk ; and the 
 British tyrant has not a word to fling at him. If 
 his eloquence should bring about commotion, be 
 the blood on the British tyrant's head, not on 
 Davis's. I feel assured that this is the feeling of 
 every just man in Europe; and that all govern- 
 ments. . . . detest the monstrous despotism which 
 bows your meek spirit down." 
 
 In his book on " Young Ireland " Sir Charles 
 Gavan Duffy refers to this letter, in which, he says, 
 that Davis " was graciously assured that since Marat 
 there had not been so objectionable a person ; and 
 turned into contemptuous ridicule for presuming 
 to maintain his conviction a2;ainst Mr. O'Connell. 
 The writer of this homil)'' was understood to be 
 Mr. Thackeray." Now, it is interesting to recall 
 the fact that two years before Thackeray had him- 
 self contributed, though anonymously, two draw- 
 ings and sets of verses to TIic Nation. One of 
 these, full of sympathy and character, bore the 
 title " Daddy, I'm Hungry," and purported to rep- 
 
 147
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 resent "A Scene in an Irish Coachmaker's Family, 
 Designed by Lord Lowther, July 1843." The 
 verses are not without their sting, and as they find 
 no place in the latest edition of Thackeray's works 
 the most striking of them may be quoted here — 
 
 A sweet little picture, that's fully desarving 
 Your lordship's approval, we here reprisint — 
 
 A poor Irish coachmaker's family starving 
 
 (More thanks to your lordship) is dhrawn in the print. 
 
 See the big lazy blackguard ! although it is Monday, 
 He sits at his ease with his hand to his cheek, 
 
 And doin' no more work than a Quaker on Sunday, 
 
 Nor your lordship's own self on most days of the week. 
 ***** 
 
 He turns from their prattle as angry as may be, 
 "O daddy, I'm hungry," says each little brat; 
 
 And yonder sits mammy, and nurses the baby, 
 Thinking how long there'll be dinner for that. 
 
 For daddy and children, for babby and mammy, 
 No work and no hope, O! the prospect is fine; 
 
 But I fancy I'm hearing your lordship cry — " Dammee, 
 Suppose they do starve, it's no business of mine." * 
 
 It should not be forgotten, too, that when Sir 
 Charles left England to begin his great career in 
 Australia, Thackeray, whose friend he had become, 
 sent him the kindly God-speed that is printed in 
 his " Life." 
 
 * The verses appear in the reprint of " Sultan Stork" (George Red- 
 way, 1887), but without the ilhistrations.
 
 CHAPTER VL 
 VOLUME IX. SECOND HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1845 
 
 A " SOCIAL " drawing, unsigned and unidentified 
 — chiefly, no doubt, on account of its likeness to 
 Leech's work — appears in the first number (207) 
 of the ninth volume of Ptinch. In one of the Lon- 
 don squares the tattered proprietor of a potato-can 
 accosts a small and evidently inexperienced urchin, 
 to whom a great broom has been confided, along 
 with all the responsibility it signified to him. The 
 sketch, slightly but very skilfully drawn, is full of 
 character, and deals with a type of subject that 
 was not less a favourite with its author than with 
 Leech. It should here be stated that in John 
 Leech's " Pictures of Life and Character " this 
 drawing was included ; and, indeed, it almost ap- 
 pears as if Leech had touched up on it. But there 
 is no doubt that the drawing came from Thack- 
 eray and was duly credited to him in the Editorial 
 book. (See next page.) 
 
 On the same page, in " Stiggins in New Zea- 
 land," Thackeray attacks Colonial land-grabbing 
 conducted by the British Propaganda under the 
 
 cloak of religion and missionary work. He quotes 
 
 149
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 some startling examples, and alleges, apparently 
 on the authority of Mr. Charles Buller, M.P., that 
 Father Kendal paid for " forty square miles of land 
 with thirty-six axes." This he declares " a miracle; " 
 
 THE ASCOT CUP DAY 
 
 S'y 
 
 " WHY ARE YOU ON THE CROSSING, JAMES? IS YOUR FATHER HILL?" 
 "NO. he's DROVE MOTHER DOWN TO HASCOT." 
 
 but he hastens to explain that unlike " the admi- 
 rable Fathers (bless theni for their benevolence and 
 Christian good - will !)," " the Roman Catholics of 
 New Zealand have not asked or taken an acre." 
 
 This article was inspired by the three-night debate 
 
 150
 
 THACKERAY AND AINSWORTH 
 
 over Mr. Buller's motion, ultimately rejected, that 
 the case of the New Zealand Company should be 
 considered. 
 
 Although the publication of " The Snobs of 
 England " was not begun for seven months from 
 this date, Thackeray was as eager now as after- 
 wards to indulge in a tilt at snobbery. Harrison 
 Ainsworth had assumed the editorship of Col- 
 burn's " New Monthly Magazine " and announced 
 that he had secured the aid of several writers 
 "eminent not only for talent, but for high rank." 
 Under the heading of " Immense Opportunity," 
 Mr. Punch, by Thackeray's pen, falls upon the 
 novelist — as he so often delighted to do, in spite 
 of personal friendship, out of dislike for his vanity, 
 his snobbishness, and cosmetics. " Mr. Ainsworth 
 can't mean," he says, " that the readers of his Maga- 
 zine care for an author because he happens to be 
 a lord — a flunkey might — but not a gentleman 
 who has any more brains than a fool. . . . Don't 
 let us talk about high rank in the republic of let- 
 ters — let us keep that place clear." 
 
 Thackeray's fearlessness, even when dealing 
 with friends, is as noteworthy as his loyalty, 
 straightforwardness, and good nature. Writing to 
 Ainsworth on the 30th of June, Thackeray refers 
 to this very article. After saying — " Of course I'll 
 come to dinner on Sunday, and we are just as 
 good friends as ever. Wasn't it much better to 
 complain and explain } I think so — and the im- 
 perial house of Titmarsh is now satisfied " — Thack- 
 
 151
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 eray goes on in his most charming vein : ■" There's 
 one thing I regret very much too, and must be 
 told to you now in making a clean breast of it — 
 is a certain paragraph in the next Picnch, relating 
 to a certain advertisement about contributors, 'not 
 only of talent but of rank' This moved my wrath ; 
 and has been hardly handled — this was before our 
 meeting and explanation — I always must think it 
 a very objectionable advertisement — but shouldn't 
 have lifted my hand to smite my friend, had ex- 
 planation come earlier, so that now you must be 
 called upon to play the part of forgiver, in which 
 I'm sure you will shine. Ever yours, my dear fel- 
 low." " Such a letter," it was said when his note 
 was first printed, " deserves a place in D'Israeli's 
 ' Quarrels of Authors.'" 
 
 Very soon after, it may be added, with this topic 
 still in his mind the Editor of Punch published 
 the following epigram, the author of which, even 
 in his private note-book, he prefers to leave anony- 
 mous : — 
 
 Says Ainsworth to Colburn, 
 "A plan in my pate is, 
 
 To give my romance as 
 A supplement, gratis^ 
 
 Says Colburn to Ainsworth, 
 
 "'Twill do very nicely, 
 For that will be charging 
 
 It's value precisely." 
 
 The Repealers' threats of violence awakened 
 
 Thackeray's indignation and contempt; but what 
 
 152
 
 O'CONNELL AND THE POPE 
 
 perverted in some measure his real sympathy with 
 the wrongs of Ireland, was the angry suspicion 
 aroused when the religious aspect of the quarrel 
 involved Rome in the dispute. In this Num- 
 ber Thackeray quickly takes up the words incau- 
 tiously let fall by John O'Connell — "Appeal to 
 Rome!" — because Dan's son had foolishly de- 
 clared that when Repeal had been obtained and 
 the Catholic Hierarchy re-established, the Bishops 
 would be controlled only " by the Sovereign Pon- 
 tiff." " Look here, gentlemen Repealers," cries 
 Thackeray, " at the kind of freedom which your 
 Liberator has in store for you. . . . Here is the 
 O'Connell creed for the nineteenth century : — 
 ' Down with the British, and on your knees to the 
 Pope. Away with the Saxon, and put your trust 
 in the Roman.' . . . There is Mr. Davis, of the 
 Nation, who pants for freedom, and would not 
 mind a litde blood-letting to procure it. Well, 
 Mr. Davis, suppose the Saxon done for, and see 
 what comes next. . . . Dare you preach against 
 this as you preach against English tyranny .f* 
 Dare you rebel against Dan and his supreme 
 Pope, as you would against us oppressors over 
 the water?" — and much more to the like vigorous 
 purpose. 
 
 Upon the same page appears, from Thackeray's 
 pen, a half-column upon the social topic, " Where 
 are the Hackney-coaches gone to ?" — being a let- 
 ter purporting to be addressed by " C. Y. M'O. R." 
 to the Editor of Punch. The gist of it is that the 
 
 153
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 writer, Mr. Charles &c, Ralledge, complains that 
 there were then ''only three Hackney Coaches in 
 all Londonr " Is this, I ask, tolerable ? Are 
 we Britons, or are we not ?" A few remaining 
 coaches remained, on the London streets some 
 sixteen or seventeen years longer, for in iS6i 
 one such vehicle still plied for hire. It should 
 be remembered that these public carriages — 
 (named " Hackney," by the way, from haqueuee^ 
 "a sorry nag") — had first been introduced in 
 1625; ten years later they were voted a nuisance 
 by law and controlled by enactment; in 1771, 
 they had multiplied to a thousand ; and were 
 challenged in 1814 by " hackney- chariots," and 
 in 1820, by the cabriolets, or cabs, from Paris, 
 which were destined in a very few years to 
 drive the heavy lumbering coach altogether from 
 the road. The coach had two horses and the 
 cab onlv one ; but I do not remember that the 
 fact has been anywhere recorded by P?^;/^//'^ pencil. 
 The " Most Noble Festivities " at London- 
 derry House and at Holderness House, and the 
 inflated language in which they were announced 
 and reported in certain daily papers that were 
 supposed to toady Society once more pricked 
 Thackeray to sarcasm — although he frankly ad- 
 mitted that a mere commoner could not approach 
 " this most noble style of writing." And as usual 
 he falls foul of the blunders of French which used so 
 often to characterise (and do still, occasionally) the 
 more pompous announcements of society journals. 
 
 154
 
 "A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK" 
 
 When the Government Bill for the Establish- 
 ment of New Colleges for Ireland was up for 
 second reading, not a little violence attended the 
 debate, and Mr. Somers, the member for Sligo, 
 challenged Mr. Roebuck to a duel, by reason of 
 certain hurtful observations which that ijentle- 
 man had let drop. Leech, at Mark Lemon's sug- 
 gestion, had already treated the matter in a Car- 
 toon ("A Chip of the Old Block," p. 6), but 
 Thackeray saw a new way of handling the sub- 
 ject. Heading the half-column which he devoted 
 to it " The Eureka," he pointed out how this 
 notable new invention, otherwise called the " Latin 
 Verse-Grinder," had been tried before a committee 
 of public school boys and that when they had se- 
 lected the little parliamentary difference already 
 alluded to, for their experiments, they set the 
 wondrous instrument in motion, and the follow- 
 ing lines were ground out: — 
 
 " Sligonis membrum, Bucki vult pullere nasum, 
 Transfugit Arctukus Rhetoris in gremium. 
 Hunc pius AsHLEius laudat, decus Exeter Aulce, 
 Pontificumque comes Bobbius Inglisius ", &c. 
 
 The material from which the machine was sup- 
 posed to have manufactured this inspiring example 
 of pure Latin is appended: 
 
 "When Sligo's member aims at Roebuck's nose, 
 The frightened Buck to Speaker's bosom goes. 
 Him Ashley praises, piousest of Lords, 
 And Inglis, known at missionary boards :" Sac. 
 
 155
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 The " Eureka," it should be explained, was real- 
 ly put forth as a device that could arrange words 
 into their proper verse-order. 
 
 In the next number (209) Thackeray gives his 
 own version of " The Abdication of Don Carlos," 
 in favour of his son the Prince of the Asturias. 
 The relation of the ceremony is supplied by one 
 " Lancelot Greaves, Knt." ; it is two columns in 
 length and, dwelling chiefly on the bombastic pov- 
 erty of the pretender, is neither very generous nor 
 very comic. After describing the miserable shifts 
 of the shoddy Court to keep up appearances when 
 distributing illusory " rewards " to the few faithful 
 followers of the exile at Bourges, the absurdity of 
 the ceremony is brought into relief. One of the 
 more effective passages is the following: 
 
 " ' My excellent Mariquita, waiting - woman of 
 my august Queen, and chief intendant of my kitch- 
 en, whose fidelity to my royal race, but especially 
 whose skill in cooking my favourite dish of Gar- 
 banzos in oil, has touched my august heart, I pro- 
 pose to reward suitably. When my fleets arrive 
 from the Indies, I shall present her with a dia- 
 mond stomacher as big as any omelette she ever 
 fried for me, and a kitchen service of rubies and 
 gold. I hereby give her an estate in Peru, where- 
 of the title-deeds shall be made out in her name, 
 so soon as the revolted province has returned to 
 its allegiance. Meanwhile, I create her Duchess 
 OF Olla-Podrida." 
 
 " The Duchess declined, however, to take the 
 
 156
 
 THE SPANISH PRETENDER 
 
 title, because the Royal Chancellor wanted fifteen- 
 pence as a fee for entering it in the Golden Book 
 of the Grandees of Spain." This article appeared 
 on July 1 2, but the abdication of " Henry the Fifth " 
 in favour of his son had taken place on the i8th 
 of May. It is for this reason that Thackeray 
 opens with " We have taken our time about pub- 
 lishing the only authentic account of that august 
 event," &:c. 
 
 In a short article on " British Honour" Thack- 
 eray protests against the quibble in which the 
 English Government, he says, is indulging at the 
 expense of Spain. It takes the form of an extract 
 from " a private and confidential " letter addressed 
 to "Dear Bob" (that is. Sir Robert Peel, the 
 Premier), alleged to have been found in the pre- 
 cincts of the House. " The Spaniard Sotomayor 
 says England is pledged by treaties to consider 
 Spain as the most favoured nation. If the most 
 favoured nation, why are her sugars taxed at a 
 higher rate than those of the United States and 
 Venezuela.'* Sotomayor asks for fair play for his 
 country. Our friend Aberdeen [Foreign Secre- 
 tary] replies — ' Yes, England is pledged by trea- 
 ties; but the obligation imposed upon us is, to treat 
 as the most favoured nation the subjects of Spain, 
 but not to treat the produce of Spain. . . . When 
 Lord Stanley, at the Colonial Office, can thimble- 
 rig the New Zealand Company — when Lord Aber- 
 deen, as a British Minister and gentleman, can 
 sign his name to an argument like this — good 
 
 157
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Lord! why is the Cabinet scrupulous?" This lit- 
 tle explosion in favour of fair-dealing was the out- 
 come of the publication of Papers, for in the sum- 
 mer of this year Spain, as a retaliatory measure, 
 removed Enoland from the "favoured nation 
 clause " which she had enjoyed since the signing 
 of the Treaty of Utrecht in 171 3. 
 
 The last contribution to this number is a short 
 paragraph entitled " Tremendous Sufferings of 
 the Household Brigade," bearing allusion to the 
 "heroic hardships" involved in their march from 
 Regent's Park to Hyde Park ; from Windsor to 
 Regent's Park, and so forth. A similar reference 
 to the privileges and " forced marches " of " the 
 pampered Guards," with an illustration, by Thack- 
 eray, appeared in 1849. ("The Guards and the 
 Line." P. 243, vol. xvii.) 
 
 Peculiar interest is attached to the next article 
 (No. 210), "Reasons why I shall not send my 
 SON, GusTAVUs Frederic, to Trinity College, 
 Cambridge," by Mr. Ptinch, for Trinity had been 
 Thackeray's own college, and evidence is supplied 
 in the course of the paper, as will be seen, that 
 the author had some cause to resent an affront 
 offered by the Master, Dr. Whewell. But it was 
 doubtless his hatred of snobbery, for which he 
 had so delicate a scent, that dictated the composi- 
 tion of the protest : 
 
 "The young men of Trinity College, Cam-- 
 
 bridge, assume greater rank than the members 
 
 of other colleges in that University. . . . Old 
 
 158
 
 SNOBBERY AT CAMBRIDGE 
 
 Lickspittle, from Baker Street, sends young 
 Lickspittle to Trinity that he may form 'con- 
 nections' there. . . . And yet, from accounts 
 which reach me, I won't send my son Gustavus 
 Frederic Forrester Chesterfield D'Orsay 
 Punch to Trinity; I wish Gustavus Frederic to 
 see good society, certain]}^ but not at such a price 
 as he must pay under Dr. Whewell's Mastership. 
 Suppose Dr. Wliewell were to take a fancy to 
 that dear child, as I have no doubt he would ; he 
 would invite him to the lodge to tea, which is a 
 very wholesome drink for my darling boy. But 
 he would not be allowed to sit down and drink it. 
 No; THE Master of Trinity does not allow 
 undergraduates to sit down before him. If a 
 raw lad dares to take a chair, there's a kind sub- 
 tutor in the w^ay, who whispers to the young 
 gentleman the wish of the master. . . . Even 
 when I see ladies and gentlemen standing behind 
 Prince Albert and Her Majesty, I blush. ... I 
 pity the poor devils of White Rods and Aides- 
 de-camp when I see them at the Opera, and the 
 Prince in his chair. I feel ashamed somehow. 
 . . . The Doctor has written a Brideewater 
 treatise, and Fm sure only acts from humility; 
 it is for his office sake, and not his own, that 
 he degrades young gentlemen so. . . . But my 
 beloved boy's proud spirit would burst over the 
 lodge muffins and tea, if obliged to swallow them 
 standing. He has not been accustomed to take 
 his victuals in that way; no, nor to stand before 
 
 159
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 any person — not even his own father. And sup- 
 pose I were to go down to see him. His tutor 
 would ask me to dine in the hall, no doubt, as Mr. 
 
 S asked Mr, Jerdan and a party the other 
 
 day. Doctor Whewell sees a party of dis- 
 tingne -\qoV\\\^ fellows dining with Mr. S , 
 
 and invites him and his friends to the lodore. 
 But he hears that in the party is a literary gentle- 
 man by the name of Punch, on which the Master 
 
 writes a letter, to say — 'Dear S , I expect all 
 
 your party except Air. Pttncli' Dr. Whewell 
 did this the other day to the editor of another 
 eminent literary periodical. Suppose such a thing 
 were to happen to me, what would Gustavus 
 Frederic do 1 What would I do .f* I might be 
 angry. I might use strong language. I shudder 
 to think what I might say or do. Neither of us 
 can afford to mix with good society at that price." 
 " Military Intelligence " (p. 40) is a playful com- 
 ment on the appointment by the Emperor of Rus- 
 sia of his grandson, a young Prince of three months 
 old, to the Colonelcy of the Imperial Guard. 
 Thackeray describes how two Captains, Mrs. Bib- 
 ski and Mrs. Tuckerwitz have been appointed to 
 dress and nurse him; how the whole regiment has 
 adopted the ColoneFs uniform — long petticoats 
 and lace cap, which look splendid but impede 
 their manoeuvres on field days ; how the field 
 officers ride in go-carts and how silver pap-boats 
 have been presented to the regimental mess — and 
 
 other pleasant fooling of the sort, winding up with 
 
 160
 
 THE FRANCO-ALGERIAN HORROR 
 
 a rather cutting allusion to " a certain eminent and 
 Royal warrior." 
 
 When all Europe was shuddering with horror 
 at the action of the French Colonel Pelissier and 
 his troops, who suffocated and burned to death in 
 their cave at Dahara eight hundred Arabs, men, 
 women, and children, who would not accept his 
 terms ; when eloquent pens throughout the whole 
 civilised world were giving expression to indigna- 
 tion and disgust ; when even French papers were 
 joining in the general denunciation and cried, 
 " What will England, what will Germany say ? 
 How henceforth will our Government appear in 
 the eyes of Europe ?" ; and when in the pages of 
 Punch, others besides himself were expressing 
 their reprobation, and Coventry Patmore contrib- 
 uted his famous " Vive la Guerre !" — Thackeray's 
 generous anger was not likely to go unspoken. 
 But he would have no cant. In " Soldiering" (p. 
 49), he refers to it scornfully as " the late glorious 
 victory of the i8th of June. . . . These poor ras- 
 cals . . . having retreated into their hole of refuge, 
 the brave Colonel Pelissier put firewood at either 
 end of it, and tlien told them to come out and 
 submit to terms. These must have been hard in- 
 deed : for the Arabs — with death before them, and 
 a knowledge of the imperial butcheries, rapine, 
 and cruelty of the French in Algeria for the last 
 fifteen years . . — preferred to die rather than 
 come to terms. Then fire was lighted at the two 
 ends of the cavern for two days, and eight hun- 
 
 L 161
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 dred of God's men, women and children., were by 
 Colonel Pelissier stifled and murdered there. The 
 whole of the tribe is exterminated; and the F'rench 
 flag, that rainbow of liberty, as Beranger calls it, 
 doubtless flaunts over the now quiet scene. . . . 
 The wholesale completeness of this murder has 
 somehow been too strong for the French gorge ; 
 and Marshal Soult is actually made to say that he 
 ' deplores and disapproves of it' " Thackeray — de- 
 clininof to enter into the sickening details which 
 were well remembered in Eng^land when the same 
 Pelissier, who, instead of being cashiered and 
 prosecuted, afterwards commanded in the Crimea 
 and rose to be the Duke of Malakoff, proposed to 
 pay a visit to this country — then at once turned 
 his attention to " a great jS';/^//^-// military achieve- 
 ment, which might humble our pride a little." 
 This consisted in the shameful punishment of two 
 soldiers of the Foot Guards for refusing to submit 
 to an immodest order. " So," says Thackeray, 
 with more of the intemperate spirit of Douglas 
 Jerrold than of his own usually moderate expres- 
 sion of his convictions : " for pleading the common 
 privilege of modesty, the savage military law, which 
 would have exposed them like brutes, tied them 
 up and lashed them like brutes; and having glut- 
 ted itself on their mangled and bleeding shoulders, 
 sent them to hospital to be cured, and to be ready 
 for future service." His passion was certainly not 
 unjustified, for these two men, who bore good 
 
 characters, jiad received not fewer than a hundred 
 
 162
 
 —AND AN ENGLISH SCANDAL 
 
 lashes each, and the blood was already trickling 
 down their backs when the first score of lashes had 
 been delivered ; and when the men were cast loose, 
 after having received their punishment with great 
 fortitude, the whole regiment on being dismissed 
 — say the contemporary reports — "gave vent /d? one 
 lo2id simultaneous Iiissr 
 
 Besides "A Lucky Speculator" which is re- 
 printed in the volume of " The Great Hoggarty 
 Diamond," Thackeray had but two short contri- 
 butions, and those of slight importance, in the next 
 number (212). The first, under the heading of 
 " Scholastic," commiserates the boys who are en- 
 joying their holidays on seeing the advertisements 
 in the papers that their respective school-masters 
 "expect their young friends" on such-and-such a 
 date; a subject to which he returned on the 18 
 January 185 i, for Thackeray never tired of show- 
 ing his sympathy for schoolboys. The other is 
 a protest in the name of " Wilhelmina Amelia 
 Skeggs" (a pseudonym which Thackeray had as- 
 sumed on a former occasion, it will be remember- 
 ed) — against the system practised by auctioneers 
 of advertising houses situated in common neioh- 
 bourhoods as being in aristocratic districts. On 
 this occasion, " a street leading out of a fashion- 
 able square in the West End — Rent ^65 per 
 annum," turns out to be Silver Street, Golden 
 Square. "A House at the West End" is the title 
 of the contribution. 
 
 " The Pimlico Pavilion" chiefly occupied Thack- 
 
 163
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Cray's pen in the following number (p. 66) ; but 
 a long article entitled " War between the Press 
 and the Bar: Mr. Punch to the Gentlemen of the 
 Press" (p. 64) has been ascribed to Percival Leigh 
 as well as to him. It is difficult to determine the 
 authorship. " The Professor," as Leigh was com- 
 monly called at PiincJis Table, cultivated a style 
 which oftentimes, both in prose and verse, resem- 
 bled that of Thackeray; indeed, as I have men- 
 tioned, his poem of " The Flying Duke" is to this 
 day included among Thackeray's " Ballads," even 
 in the latest edition. Moreover, in the editor's 
 own book there is confusion on this point, the 
 article being entered to both writers. It may be 
 stated that in this trenchant retort Punch makes a 
 spirited appeal to the " Gentlemen of the Fourth 
 Estate" to resent the affront offered to it by the 
 Bar, as implied in the rule that any of its mem- 
 bers degrading themselves by reporting law cases 
 for the papers should be treated as unworthy of 
 their cloth and be banished from the Bar mess 
 accordingly; and he summons the Press to accept 
 the challenge and expose to the public the whole 
 bag of tricks of the advocate. Basing his philippic 
 upon an obituary panegyric on Sir W. W. Follett, 
 the Attorney-General then recently dead, he ex- 
 claims : " They do not expel a man for disgusting 
 hypocrisy; for bearing false witness ; for the ' art- 
 ful dodge'; for keeping 'fraud and falsehood' out 
 of view — they load him with honours for it. . . . 
 
 If Quirk, Gammon and Snap prescribe the ' artful 
 
 164
 
 THE HONOUR OF THE BAR 
 
 dodge,' Serjeant Buzfus performs it in Court. If 
 an honest man is to be bullied in the witness-box, 
 the barrister is instructed to bully him. If a mur 
 derer is to be rescued from the gallows, the bar- 
 rister blubbers over him, as in Tawell's case;* 
 or accuses a wrong person, as in Courvoisier's 
 case.t If a naughty woman is to be screened, a 
 barrister will bring Heaven itself into Court, and 
 call Providence to witness that she is pure and 
 spotless. . . . This is a Law adviser to Ministers; 
 that was a Minister of the Crown ; the other went 
 to the grave with five hundred weeping reputable 
 gentlemen at his back — honest gentlemen who 
 will have no connection with the Press." It reads 
 exceedingly like Thackeray, to be sure ; and a 
 good deal less, I think, like Percival Leigh. | 
 
 The subject for the cartoon in this number was 
 suggested by Thackeray and drawn by Leech. 
 Reference is made in the Introductory chapter 
 to this happy political squib, and to its enthu- 
 siastic reception by the public who were, of 
 course, unaware to whom the credit of it was 
 due. 
 
 An important ballad of not fewer than twelve 
 stanzas and io8 lines was published in No. 215 
 
 * John Tawell, murderer of Sarah Hart (i Jan. 1845). 
 
 t Courvoisier, murderer of Lord William Russell (6 May 
 1840). 
 
 t The Bar mess of the Oxford Circuit rescinded their reg- 
 ulation against barristers reporthig for the Press, on the iSth 
 
 of March following. 
 
 165
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 (23 Aug. 1845) embellished with a drawing by 
 Richard Doyle. It is called — 
 
 **Puncf)*s Ecjjencp. 
 
 Introduction. 
 
 The only man of any mark 
 
 In all the town remaining, 
 I sauntered in St. James's Park, 
 
 And watched the daylight waning. 
 'The Speaker's lips,' I said, 'are sealed. 
 
 They've shut up both the Houses; 
 Sir Robert's * gone to Turnabout field, 
 
 Sir James f to shoot the grouses. 
 
 The Queen and all the Court are out 
 
 In Germany and Flanders, 
 And, happy midst his native kraut, 
 
 My princely Albert wanders. 
 No more the dumpy Palace archj 
 
 The Royal Standard graces; 
 Alone, upon his lonely march 
 
 The yawning sentry paces." 
 Beneath an elm -tree, on a bank, 
 
 I mused, (for tired my hunch was,) 
 And there in slumber soft I sank, 
 
 And this the dream of Punch was. 
 
 THE DREAM. 
 
 I dreamed it was a chair of gold. 
 
 The grassy bank I sat on ; 
 I dreamed Saint Edward's sceptre old 
 
 I wielded for a baton. 
 
 * Sir Robert Peel. f Sir James Graham. 
 
 X The Marble Arch, which at that time stood in front of Buckingham 
 Palace. 
 
 166
 
 THE MRS. CAUDLE OF 
 
 " What do you say ? Thmik heaven / You're going to enjoy the 
 upon it, when you come back, you shall have it again. No: I don'l 
 to give up every little privilege ; though it's seldom I open my lips,
 
 :he house of lords 
 
 cess — and you'll be rid of me for sotne months? Never mind. Depend 
 ise the House, and set everybody in it by the ears; but I'm not going 
 )dness knows !" — Caudle Lectures {improved?) 
 
 Proposed by W. M. Thackeray. Drawn by fohn Leech. 
 PUiN'CH, gth Angus f, 184^. Volume IX.
 
 "PUNCH'S REGENCY" 
 
 Men crowded to my throne, the ehn, 
 
 In reverend allegiance ; 
 And Punch was publish'd through the realm, 
 
 The joUiest of Regents. 
 
 Back came the ministerial rout 
 
 From touring and carousing; 
 Back came Sir Bob from Turnabout, 
 
 And back Sir James from grousing. 
 I turned upon a scornful heel, 
 
 When Graham asked a favour; 
 I sternly banished Bobby Peel 
 
 To Turnabout for ever. 
 
 To courtly Aberdeen, I sent 
 
 A mission influential. 
 To serve the Yankee President 
 
 As Flunky Confidential. 
 Lord Brougham and Vaux in banishment 
 
 I ordered to Old Reekie, 
 And Stanley* to New Zealand went 
 
 Ambass&dor to Heki.f 
 » 
 
 And Kelly, t whom the world assails, 
 
 But whom the bar takes fame from 
 I made Lord Viscount New South Wales 
 
 Which poor John Tawell § came fron). 
 And then I asked His Grace, the Duke,ir 
 
 What ministers to go to, 
 On which he generously took 
 
 The Cabinet /// toto. 
 
 * Lord Stanle)', then Colonial Secretary. 
 
 f Heki — the New Zealand Chief who defeated Colonel Despard and his 
 500 men (i July 1845), before being driven finally from his stronghold. 
 
 X Sir Fitzroy Kelly, Solicitor-General and M.P. for Cambridge, whose 
 behaviour at his election was much criticised. 
 
 § John Tawell, the murderer of Sarah Hart. 
 
 11 The Duke of Wellington. 
 
 167
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 then ! all other reigns which shine 
 Upon our page domestic, 
 
 Were mean and dim compared to mine, 
 
 That Regency majestic. 
 And ages hence the English realm 
 
 Shall tell the wondrous legend 
 Of Fimch, when at the nation's helm, 
 
 Her Majesty's High Regent. 
 
 Around my empire's wide frontier 
 
 No greedy bully swaggered. 
 Nor swindling Yankee buccaneer, 
 
 Nor savage Gallic braggart. 
 For threats and arms were flung aside, 
 
 And war-ships turned to traders. 
 And all our ports were opened wide, 
 
 To welcome the invaders. 
 
 At home the collier coursed his hare. 
 
 Beside the Duke his neighbour; 
 The weaver got his living fair 
 
 For his ten hours of labour. 
 And every man without employ 
 
 Got beef — not bones — to feed on. 
 And every little working boy 
 
 His page of Fiinch could read on. 
 
 And Irishmen learned common sense. 
 And prudence brought them riches ; 
 
 Repeal ceased pilfering for pence 
 In Paddy's mended breeches. 
 
 Old Dan was grown too rich to beg. 
 And in a Union jolly 
 
 1 linked Mac Hale * with Tresham Gregg,! 
 And BERESFORDt with Crolly.§ _ • 
 
 * Dr. MacHale, Archbishop of Tuam. 
 
 + Rev. Tresham Gregg, Grand Chaplain of the Orangemen of Ireland. 
 X Lord John G. de la Peer Beresford, D.D., Primate of Ireland, 1S22 
 to 1855. § Dr. Crully, Primate of the Irish Roman Catholic Church. 
 
 168
 
 "PUNCH'S REGENCY" 
 
 Then gentlemen might earn their bread, 
 
 And think there was no shame in't; 
 And at my court might hold their head 
 
 Like any Duke or Dame in't. 
 A Duchess and her governess 
 
 The same quadrille I clapt in ; 
 I asked old Wellington to mess, 
 
 And meet a half-pay Captain. 
 
 The Bar and Press I reconciled 
 
 (They thanked me one and all for't), 
 Benignantly the Thunderer smiled 
 
 On Mr. Serjeant Talfourd * * * 
 I know not where my fancy strayed, 
 
 My dream grew wilder — bolder — 
 When suddenly a hand was laid 
 
 Full roughly on my shoulder. 
 
 It was the Guardian of the Park, — 
 
 The sun was sunk in Heaven ; 
 ' Git up,' says he, ' it's after dark, 
 
 We shuts at half-past seven.' 
 And so I rose and shook myself, 
 
 And, sat i at us liuii, 
 Resigned the crown to Royal Guelph, 
 
 And went to tea with Judy."
 
 CHAPTER VII ' 
 VOLUME IX. (continued) 
 
 "The Stags. A Drama of To-day," is a "social" 
 cut which appears on the last page of No. 216 — 
 another of Thackeray's numerous commentaries 
 on the company-promoting of the day and on the 
 facilities enjoyed by penniless rogues and bogus 
 shareholders and " directors " for carrying on their 
 " business " of fleecing the public. Two thread- 
 bare rascals sit in a coffee-house concoctino; a 
 prospectus : the play itself is short but expressive. 
 
 On the same page Thackeray elaborately assails 
 the Bar for touting, not for briefs, but for certain 
 Courts of Request judgeships, to which the 
 " Times," a short while before, had in a jocular 
 manner drawn attention. Thackeray bears witness 
 to the activity of the touters, with the more zest 
 that he had so warmly resented the indignity 
 offered by the Bar to the Press, as already set 
 forth. He gives examples of the proceedings, 
 showing " The Genteel Canvass," " The Pathetic 
 Canvass," " The Houndsditch Canvass," together 
 with specimen testimonials from Mr. Justice Hum- 
 drum and Mr. Baron Mauley. 
 
 170
 
 THE STAGS. A DRAMA OF TO-DAY 
 
 Dramatis PERsoNiE. 
 
 Tom Stag, a Retired TJiimbkrigger. 
 Jim Stag, an Unfortunate Costermonger. 
 
 Name in Full 
 
 Residence 
 
 Profession 
 
 Reference 
 
 (Tom dictates to Jim.) 
 
 " Victor Wcllesky Delancey. 
 
 " Stagglands, B ticks ^ 
 
 " Afajor- General, K.C.B., K. T.S., K.S.W. 
 
 " His Grace the Duke of Wellington.'" 
 
 " Sir Robert Feel, Coutts 6- Cor 
 
 "That'll do. Now, Mary, a vafer: and, Jim, I 
 
 don't mind standing a pint of alf and alf !" 
 
 171
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 The visit of the Queen and Prince Albert to 
 Coburg, where on the 26th August the Prince 
 Consort celebrated his birthday in the Castle of 
 Rosenau, his natal and hereditary home,* afford- 
 ed Thackeray another opportunity for merry-mak- 
 ing. Under the title of " Serenade " (No. 217), he 
 contributed a burlesque poem of six verses of trip- 
 lets, supposed to be written by Dr. Praetorius and 
 sung by that gentleman under the windows of the 
 Royal Pair. As Thackeray very truly suggests in 
 his introduction — "They show considerable apt- 
 ness in a German:" — 
 
 " Sleep, softly sleep, O royal pair ! and be your slumbers 
 
 cosy now ; 
 Watch round their pillows, angels fair, and give their eyes 
 
 repose enow ; 
 And summer flowers and summer air breathe soft around 
 
 Schloss Rosenau ! 
 
 No jealous gates are locked and barred around the Dame 
 
 and Ritter here, 
 No sentinels keep watch and ward, save wakeful stars 
 
 which glitter here. 
 Or larks (which come relieving guard at morn,) and sing 
 
 and twitter here. 
 
 Though England is an Empire grand, and but a humble 
 
 Duchy's this ; 
 And though tli£ realm which you command a thousand 
 
 times as much as this; 
 You cannot take, in all England, a pleasant slumber such 
 
 as this, 
 
 * Two or three years before, Turner had immortalised this 
 castle in his celebrated picture, somewhat modifying the topo- 
 graphical facts, however, for the sake of pictorial beauty. 
 
 172
 
 SCHLOSS ROSENAU 
 
 As calm as in his infancy the royal Albert dozes here; 
 Forgetting cares of royalty the Stranger Queen reposes 
 
 here, 
 Though citizens and peasantry come walk amid the roses 
 
 here. 
 
 In Pimlico there roses blow, if true the papers write of 
 
 you, 
 But 'tis not thus in Pimlico your people take delight of 
 
 you; 
 Were ever English people so allowed to take a sight of 
 
 you ? 
 
 Then softly sleep, O royal pair, and pleasantly repose ye 
 
 now, 
 In England there is state and care, and weariness and 
 
 woes enow; 
 But summer wind and summer air breathe gently round 
 
 Schloss Rosenau." 
 
 Dr. Preetorius was greatly esteemed by the Queen 
 and Prince Albert, and his name frequently ap- 
 peared in the official Court Circular as being pres- 
 ent at Her Majesty's dinner-parties. 
 
 On the next page (107) the author declares that 
 much good humour was created by a small boy, 
 one of the Coburfj children whom the Doctor had 
 trained to sing the National Anthem, piping out — 
 
 " Send her victorious, 
 Happy and glorious, 
 Doctor Pr/etorius." 
 
 And again (p. 113), Thackeray declares that in 
 
 Lnt( 
 
 •73 
 
 the Schloss is shown an interesting relic — the iden
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 tical silver spoon, with the EngHsh arms embossed 
 on it, which Prince Albert had in his mouth when 
 he was born. "The Correspondent of the Mojni- 
 iug Herald fainted when he saw this admirable 
 relic." 
 
 In the same number there was considered M. 
 Carbonnel's letter to the /\cademie des Sciences 
 in which he had announced the discovery of a 
 means for producing oysters in fresh-water ponds 
 and basins. Thackeray seized upon the basins, 
 and here in Punch issued a Prospectus of the 
 " Oyster-Bed-in-your-own-Basin Company; {Sec. 
 pro. tern. George Dando, Esq., Basinall Street)." 
 This prospectus points out the advantages of the 
 discovery — how, by this mode of cultivation of the 
 oyster, every man who thus uses his basin is re- 
 minded of, and therefore encouraged in, personal 
 cleanliness ; how this invention, when oysters are 
 sown " in a tin dish and fed with bran will, by warm- 
 ing, instantly produce the most admirable scolloped 
 oysters," and much more to similar effect. This 
 half-column article is entitled " Oysters in your 
 own Basins." 
 
 " Meditations on Solitude. By our Stout Com- 
 missioner" (No. 218) has hitherto been only men- 
 tioned by the bibliographers ; but as it has never 
 been reprinted in this country, and as, in point of 
 length, it is of some importance, some allusion 
 may be made to it here.* This article serves as 
 
 * Except a reference later on to " Beulah Spa,'' and '• The 
 
 174
 
 THACKERAY ON THE FRENCH 
 
 introduction to the Brighton papers (reprinted in 
 "Contributions to 'Punch'") and describes how 
 the writer fared in deserted London in AuQrust 
 time, and what he pondered on. It is chiefly in- 
 teresting for his savage confession of that curious 
 dishke of the French which called forth from du 
 Maurier, in his " Social Pictorial Satire," a good- 
 natured protest and reproach. This sentiment 
 often enough displayed, is never more bluntly set 
 down than here. He has been resentinor what he 
 considers the impudent patronage by two French 
 gentlemen of the view from Richmond Hill. '''Cest 
 jolV, says one ; ' ccst pas mal' says the other. . . . 
 And then one of the little dwarfs curled his waxed 
 moustache, and leered at Mrs. Blobby's handsome 
 nursery-maid, who was passing with about eleven 
 of B.'s youngest children." Then he goes on : 
 
 " It can't be helped. Do what you will, you 
 caiit respect Frenchmen. It's well of us to talk 
 of equality and amity. But we can't keep up the 
 farce of equality with them at all. And my opin- 
 ion is, that the reason why they hate us, and will 
 hate us, and ought to hate us for ever, is the con- 
 sciousness of this truth on one side or the other. 
 It is not only in history and battles, but we are 
 domineering over them in every table cilibte in 
 Europe at this moment. . . . We can't be brought 
 to believe that a Frenchman is equal of an Eng- 
 
 New Forward jNIovement," 1 do not propose to deal with any 
 unreprinted pieces which have been previously identified. 
 
 175
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 lishman. Is there any man in England who 
 thinks so in his heart? If so, let him send his 
 name to the publishers." Du Maurier shrugs his 
 shoulders at the prejudice, and says in his " Social 
 Pictorial Satire": " He [Leech] hates the for- 
 eigner — whom he does not know, as heartily as 
 Thackeray does, who seems to know him so well 
 — with a hatred that seems to me a little unjust, 
 perhaps: all France is not Leicester Square; many 
 Frenchmen can dress and ride, drive and shoot as 
 well as anybody ; and they began to use the tub 
 very soon after we did — a dozen years or so, per- 
 haps — say after the coup d'etat in 185 1." But it 
 should not be forgotten that Thackeray had late- 
 ly been moved to passion by Joinville, the French 
 king, Colonel Pelissier, and the rest. And it 
 should further be remembered that he elaborated 
 the same sentiment in the " Paris Sketch Book," 
 in " The Second Funeral of Napoleon," in " The 
 Kickleburys on the Rhine," in the " Snob Papers," 
 and elsewhere. 
 
 During the Royal visit to Coburg afore - men- 
 tioned, the Prince Consort had indulged his na- 
 tional love of sport and enjoyed a numerically suc- 
 cessful battue, forty-eight fine stags being killed. 
 Punch was shocked : Leech drew two cartoons 
 comparing the Court of Elizabeth and its bear- 
 baiting with that of 1845 — showing the deer, dead 
 and dying, piled up before the Royal tent, within 
 which one lady turns away her weeping face ; 
 
 Douglas Jerrold wrote his stinging " Dainty 
 
 176
 
 "BEULAH SPA" 
 
 Dish" and "Tears at Gotha;" and Thackeray 
 contributed a " Sonnick " by " Jeams " — " Sejested 
 by Prince Halbert gratiously killing the Staggs 
 at Sacks- Cobug-Gothy." (No. 219, p. 133.) It 
 runs thus : 
 
 " Some forty Ed of sleek and hantlered dear 
 
 In Cobug (where such haninimles abound) 
 Were shot, as by the nusepapers 1 hear, 
 
 By Halbert Usband of the Brittish Crownd. 
 Britannia's Queen let fall the purly tear ; 
 
 Seeing them butchered in their silvn prisns ; 
 Igspecially, when the keepers, standing round. 
 
 Came up and cut their pretty hinnocent whizns. 
 
 Suppose, instead of this pore Germing sport 
 This Saxn wenison which he shoots and baggs, 
 
 Our Prins should take a turn in Capel Court 
 And make a massyker of English Staggs. 
 
 Pore Staggs of Hengland ! were the Untsman at you, 
 What avoc he would make and what a trimenjus battu!" 
 
 The next place of call of " Punch's Commission- 
 er" was " Beulah Spa" (No. 220) — a contribution 
 indexed by Shepherd and his followers, but not 
 otherwise referred to. In this long contribution, 
 for which he made two drawings, Thackeray re- 
 visited the spot which, five years before, he had 
 made the scene of his July sketch in " Cox's 
 Diary," for " Cruikshank's Almanac " — when Lady 
 de Sudley organized the charity fete in the Spa 
 Gardens in aid of the " British Washerwom- 
 en's Orphans' Home." On the present occasion 
 Thackeray visits the gardens in company with his 
 
 M 177
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 young friend Lieutenant Rawbold, because the 
 Lieutenant possesses, " as he says (in his clever 
 facetious way), ' the most hactionest hoss and the 
 most himpidintest tiger in the village of Lun- 
 ding.' " He describes the journey down in the 
 " well regulated cab and horse . . . and Augustus 
 Frederic, Rawbold's groom, who was clinging on 
 behind like a spread-eagle." 
 
 The observations as to the road, it must be .ad- 
 mitted, are a little strange for so pronounced a 
 snobbery-hater: " Placid villages of cockneys adorn 
 each side of the road — stock-brokers, sugar-bakers 
 — that sort of people. . . . All the people walking 
 were women, except puny stock - brokers in the 
 arms of nursery -maids ... or the blue-clad butcher- 
 ling arriving with the fillet of veal." The once 
 fashionable Spa is vividly portrayed in the days of 
 its decline — the verdant trumpeters, the wizened 
 old Italian troubadour, the impostor Sagittarius in 
 Lincoln Green on the archery-ground, the one pic- 
 nicing party in the almost deserted gardens, so 
 soon to be closed, handed over to the builders, and 
 added to the residential quarter of Upper Nor- 
 wood.* 
 
 "A Seasonable Word on Railways" (No. 221) 
 was one of Thackeray's half-mocking, wholly se- 
 rious warnings to the country on the railway craze. 
 In the character of Vice-President of the Middle- 
 sex Junction Railway (Fitzjames de la Pluche, Esq. 
 
 * 
 
 * See ante, p. 174. 
 
 178
 
 THE RAILWAY CRAZE 
 
 being in the chair), he delivers a long speech full 
 of good sense, supporting the proposed Order in 
 Council " to prohibit the further issue of railroad 
 prospectuses;" points out that there are already 
 more bills before Parliament than can be dealt 
 with ; that there is no time to carry out the new 
 lines ; no chance of getting the necessary iron at 
 possible prices ; little likelihood of obtaining la- 
 bour at any cost ; and that, if the country is to be 
 saved, a check must positively be put on railroad 
 speculation. " If I were an enemy of my country," 
 he cries, — " If I were an aristocrat bent on the 
 maintenance of my Order ... I w^ould rejoice to 
 see the capital of the country engaging itself be- 
 yond its means — plunging into speculations which 
 must end hopelessly — and then the ruined land 
 would come under my sway again." And more 
 common-sense of the sort. The report concludes : 
 " After this and other eloquent speeches, Mr. 
 Pz/;^^//! went home ; but, in spite of his own injunc- 
 tions to caution, and gloomy predictions regarding 
 over-speculation, the infatuated gentleman wrote 
 two-and-twenty fresh applications for shares before 
 he went to bed that night." 
 
 Besides the reprinted pieces " Brighton " and 
 " The Georges," Thackeray contributed to No. 
 22 2, p. 163, a paragraph giving comic expression 
 to the popular indignation at Fleet Street being 
 " up," and remaining up. It professes to report 
 the discovery of a brandy- bottle with an inscrip- 
 tion within it, showing that the Celerity omnibus 
 
 179
 
 THACKERAY AND P UNCH 
 
 has been stranded off Temple Bar; "every pas- 
 senger lost ; great distress." She arrives in safety, 
 however, being piloted through the narrow straits 
 in the dangerous channel of Fleet Street by Police- 
 man C 2 1, after the longest passage on record. 
 
 " Punch's Tribute to O'Connell" is a scathing 
 attack on the Irish leader by reason of his cynical 
 conduct during the Irish potato famine that marked 
 the late autumn (No. 227). While Ireland starved, 
 the Liberator" played the buffoon," and again sent 
 round the hat. Leech denounced him as " The 
 Irish Jeremy Diddler," but Thackeray's "Tribute" 
 was far bitterer. In the course of this open letter 
 we read: 
 
 " Not that I quarrel with a joke, my dear pro- 
 fessional friend, or am jealous of yours ; but I 
 think, of these latter days, you have been a trifle 
 too facetious. That excessive good humour the 
 which you have flung into the discussion of the 
 Starvation Question — or rather the airy gaiety 
 with which you have eluded it — hopping facetious- 
 ly away from it when pressed upon you, and in- 
 stead of talking about the means of preventing 
 your countrymen's ruin, telling a story about the 
 coolness of the Lord Lieutenant's rooms, or hav- 
 ing a fling at the Saxon, or telling a lie about the 
 Times Commissioner, struck me as rather out of 
 place. A joke is a joke, and nothing can be more 
 pleasing than a lie (we will call it a hoax) in its 
 proper place — but not always. You wouldn't cut 
 
 capers over a dead body, or be particularly boister- 
 
 180
 
 ATTACK ON O "CON NELL 
 
 ous and facetious in a chapel or a sick-room ; and 
 I think, of late, dear Sir, you have been allowing 
 your humour to get the better of you on occa- 
 sions almost as solemn. For isn't Hunger sacred? 
 Isn't Starvation solemn? And the Want of a na- 
 tion is staring Daniel O'Connell in the face, and 
 the Liberator replies with a grin and a gibe." 
 And so he proceeds with his remonstrations with 
 " my brazen old brother buffoon !", following them 
 up with a paragraph which seems to have the ring 
 of autobiography in it : " During the Consulship 
 of Plancus, when I was green and young, I had a 
 dear friend, who for some years made a very com- 
 fortable income out of me, by cheating me at 
 cards. He was an exceedingly agreeable, gener- 
 ous, social fellow, and professed and felt, no doubt, 
 a warm regard for me ; for he used always to win 
 and I to pay with unalterable confidence and good 
 humour. I furnished his house for him, I paid his 
 tailor's bills, I kept the worthy fellow in pocket- 
 money. Win what he would, I wouldnt believe 
 he was a cheat. At last, as I insisted on not dis- 
 covering his practices, my jolly friend did not give 
 himself the trouble to hide them ; and one day, 
 when we were playing a friendly game at ecarte 
 together, I saw him wath a selection of eight or 
 more trumps and court cards comfortably spread 
 in his lap from which he supplied his hand as he 
 wanted." And Thackeray asks who it is that is so 
 blind across the Channel, "whose confidence and 
 blindness are so inconceivable, that the old sharp- 
 
 i8i
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 er who takes their money scorns even to hide the 
 jugglery by which he robs them." 
 
 The hard case of " Miss Malony and Father 
 Luke" — as represented in a letter addressed by 
 the lady to Punch, and dated from " Patrick Street, 
 Cork," enables Thackeray to make another strong 
 attack upon O'Connell. The lady complains that 
 she went to Mass in her new fur tippet and muff 
 and was, in consequence, singled out for attack by 
 the Father: ' 
 
 "' Women of Ireland,' says he, ' women descend- 
 ed from those three hundthred viroins whom the 
 
 bloodv Saxon Crom- 
 well slew at Wex- 
 ford; women who in- 
 habit a land whose 
 vallies are the green- 
 est, whose rivers are 
 the clearest, whose 
 mountains are the 
 hio^hest in the worrld. 
 What sacrifices are 
 you prepared to 
 make to that bleed- 
 ing, that beautiful 
 counthree? The wicked Saxon has blighted the 
 potato-crop, and rejoices in the prospect of the na- 
 tional famine. The as^onies of our children feast 
 his heart with hellish joy. . . . Are you not pre- 
 pared to do everything to rescue your starving 
 
 countrymen.? Our Sublime Liberator permits it: 
 
 182
 
 "MISS MALONY AND FATHER LUKE" 
 
 enjoins it. That Great Philanthropist cannot sub- 
 scribe himself, for he is poor — but he calls upon 
 you, his children, to make every sacrifice. . . . 
 Can you talk of sacrifices, who have spent fifteen 
 guineas on a muff and tippet ? , . . You, who are 
 flaunting in gorgeous apparel when Ireland is 
 naked and cold ? . . ." Was it quite fair. Miss 
 Malony asks pathetically, considering that she has 
 paid her thirty-shilling note to the Tribute — puts 
 her shilling regularly in the plate — and subscribed, 
 too, to the gift of a silver tea-service for Father 
 Luke — ^who made no objection to that? 
 
 The quarrel between Punch on the one hand, and 
 Mr. James Silk Buckingham (of the " British and 
 Foreign Institute ") and his adherent Mr. George 
 Jones, on the other, had hitherto been conduct- 
 ed almost entirely by Douglas Jerrold. Into the 
 question whether Mr. Buckingham was a bene- 
 factor or an impostor, and his " Institute " of real 
 value or only a little feathered retreat for his own 
 nesting, there is no need to enter. But Thack- 
 eray, with his unfailing good sense and just appre- 
 ciation of proportion, now entered the discussion, 
 which had become bitter and heated beyond a 
 joke, in order to calm it, and in a letter entitled 
 "John Jones's Remonstrance about the Bucking- 
 ham Business " (p. 261) he seeks to bring back the 
 matter from angry recrimination to good humour: 
 " Buckingham is so angered. . . . He bawls out 
 rogue, forger, impostor . . . and at this you be- 
 
 183
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 come virtuously indignant! At page 241, you 
 are absolutely serious. That page of Punch is a 
 take in. PiLuch ought never to be virtuously in- 
 dignant or absolutely serious. His two great, 
 blundering, roaring, stupid enemies, in the show, 
 the Policeman and the Beadle, are always calling 
 him thief, rascal, and knave. PuncJis good hu- 
 mour is never interrupted. . . . Ought this clumsy 
 rage and stupid obloquy to disturb my hunch- 
 backed martyr .f* Ought you to be angry because 
 Dulness can't take a joke.?" Mr, Buckingham 
 had in self-defence published a solemn and im- 
 posing list of his efforts for the public weal, of 
 which these are some: 
 
 "7. Free Trade for Englishmen in China. 
 Accomplished. 
 
 8. Opening of the Overland Route to India. 
 
 Accomplished. 
 
 9. Immediate Emancipation of British Slaves. 
 
 Accomplished. 
 16. Abolition of Impressment for the Navy. 
 
 Accomplished. 
 20. Voyage of Civilization and Discover3\ Not 
 
 begun." 
 
 Thereupon Thackeray says : " With the latter 
 
 scheme alone I was acquainted. I did not know 
 
 that the former projects were owing to this great 
 
 man. I should as soon have expected to behold 
 
 written — 
 
 184
 
 A HINT TO THE DUKE 
 
 21. Magna Charta and the Fire of London. 
 Accomplished. 
 
 23. Inoculation for the Small-Pox and Passage 
 
 of the Pons Asinorum. Accomplished. 
 
 24. The Art of Printing by Moveable Types 
 
 and the Conflagration of the River 
 Thames. Accomplished. 
 
 25. The Battle of Waterloo and the Invention 
 
 of Steam -Carriages on Iron-roads. Ac- 
 complished. 
 
 26. The new Process of Oval Suction (with the 
 
 aid of the spirited conductors of the 
 Morning Herald). Accomplished." 
 
 The last contribution to this volume — (I take 
 no heed here of the series of " Jeames's Diary," 
 which beo^an in No. 226 and ran into the next 
 volume, No. 239, Feb. 7, 1846) — is that entitled 
 " The Old Duke " (p. 263), Thackeray had become 
 impatient of the Duke's retention of the post of 
 Commander-in-Chief and especially of the weight 
 he exercised in public affairs — for which he con- 
 sidered the veteran was no longer fitted : 
 
 " But let it be conceded that he is getting old. . . . 
 It is nonsense to say that because he won the great 
 Waterloo Stakes in 18 15, he is able to run with 
 other horses now — it is not fair that others should 
 slacken their pace out of regard to him. We want 
 to move on. ... It may be perceived that we are 
 writing with the utmost gevitleness. Great and 
 
 strong ourselves, we reverence the brave who 
 
 1S5
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 lived before us. We are not going to bully the 
 old Duke, but we assert that his time for going to 
 grass has arrived. . . . Suppose that statue of his 
 which is turned with its horse's tail to the Ex- 
 change, should be removed by his adorers in the 
 City, and placed, for greater honour, let us say in 
 the middle arch of Temple Bar. It might look 
 very well there . . . but the street would be in- 
 commoded . . . the moral is obvious. Punch 
 means that the old Duke should no lonorer block 
 up the great thoroughfare of Civilisation — that 
 he should be quietly and respectfully eliminated." 
 Nevertheless, the Duke held his appointment until 
 his death seven years later ; and then, after an in- 
 terval of four years, during which Lord Hardinge 
 filled the post, the Duke of Cambridge succeeded 
 him — only to hear, some forty years afterwards, 
 the same demands for resignation, to which he, at 
 least, was forced to submit.
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 VOLUME X. FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1846 
 
 In Volume X, for the first half-year of 1S46, there 
 appear but three contributions from Thackeray 
 which have not been reprinted, and of these two 
 are of no importance whatever. The satirist was 
 occupied with some five chapters of " Jeames s 
 Diary" and eighteen of "The Snobs of England," 
 the first of which was published in No. 242, the 
 28th February. 
 
 The first article to be noticed here is " Extract 
 of a Letter on the Late Crisis " (p. 23). Sir Robert 
 Peel while still at the head of what was generally 
 thought to be a strong and united Government, 
 suddenly resigned. Lord John Russell (to Thack- 
 eray's delight) attempted to form a Cabinet; in- 
 deed, as I have mentioned, Thackeray it was who 
 gave Doyle the idea for his Cartoon (in No. 233, 
 27th December 1845), "Never mind losing the 
 first hdat: go in and win" — words supposed to 
 be spoken by Cobden to Lord John, the jockey, 
 who is mounted on "Abolition" [of the Corn 
 Laws]. It was, therefore, with much chagrin that 
 
 he heard of Lord John's failure, owing to the fact 
 
 187
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 that Lord Grey refused to serve with Lord Pahn- 
 erston as Foreign Minister, so bringing about 
 Peel's resumption of office — although for only a 
 couple of months. In a long letter, signed " T. B. 
 MacPunch," he directs his sarcasm against the 
 haughty exclusiveness and egotism of the hand- 
 ful of dictatorial political leaders. Addressing " P. 
 MacFarlane, Esq., Edinbitrghl' he says : 
 
 "You do not seem to understand that the Whigs 
 are our natural leaders — appointed by Heaven 
 and the Red Book to rule and govern us. There 
 are about a dozen of this privileged class of noble- 
 men — set apart from the rest of the world — hav- 
 ing government vested in them, as priesthood is 
 in the Brahmins, or was the tribe of Levi. Read 
 the Court Circular about these Whigs — these 
 great irrevocable rulers of ours. . . . They see 
 only one another, these great Signors. They de- 
 cide in their conclaves what is good for us, no 
 doubt. The working people, headed by your 
 CoBDENS and Villiers's, work and toil and strive 
 — organise the forces of the country against the 
 Corn Laws — beat it down ; and then Lord John 
 comes nobly in, and says, ' Well done, my heroes; 
 you have conquered in this battle, and I place my- 
 self at your head. ... I condescend to lead you. 
 I am your natural aristocracy, I and Palmerston, 
 and Grey. . . . We intend to come into the Minis- 
 try upon your shoulders.' It was in this way that 
 Louis Philippe walked into Paris after the three 
 days' fighting and revolution in. 1830; and blessed 
 
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 "YOUNG YANKEE-NOODLE" 
 
 the people ; and took the profits, and has ruled 
 ever since as Managing Director of the French 
 Nation. . . . Lord John . . . conceives the Coun- 
 try can't be governed without Lord Palmerston 
 and Lord Grey. . . . Oflfice he resigns ; it is im- 
 possible without Lord Palmerston — the country 
 may go to the deuce; he can't preserve it without 
 Lord Grey." A few months later, however, the 
 two noble lords did consent to serve together 
 under Lord John. 
 
 A two -line paragraph in No. 238 (p. 61) an- 
 nounces, under the heading of " Promotion for 
 Brougham," that on the night of the Address, the 
 old statesman made " so entirely foolish and un- 
 reasonable " a speech in the Lords "that it is said 
 he is to be made a Duke." Punch was very hard 
 on Dukes and their follies just then — especially 
 on the Dukes of Richmond and Buckingham. In 
 No. 249 (p. 174) appears a four -line paragraph, 
 " The Irish Curfew Bell," in which Thackeray 
 asks Lord Lincoln (the First Commissioner of 
 Land Revenue) how those Irishmen who have no 
 houses are to conform to the proposed new law — 
 (Lord St. Germans' Coercion Bill, which was soon 
 to wreck the Ministry) — that " no person in Ireland 
 is to be allowed to leave his house after a certain 
 hour." 
 
 The Cartoon by Leech in No. 245, "Young 
 Yankee-Noodle teaching Grandmother Britannia 
 to Suck Eggs," was proposed by Thackeray (see 
 Introductory Chapter). Young America stands 
 
 189
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 on a stool before his helmeted grandmother, and 
 lectures the aged lady on the deglutition of the 
 eee " Oreeron," which he holds in his hand : a ref- 
 erence to the Oregon frontier difficulty which had 
 just been solved and settled by mutual compro- 
 mise. 
 
 VOLUME XI. SECOND HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1846 
 
 The volume opens with a breezy, bustling bur- 
 lesque in three acts, based upon a strongly re- 
 sented Order against tobacco - smoking in the 
 Navy anywhere but in the galley. It is headed 
 thus : 
 
 "A NEW NAVAL DRAMA. 
 THEATRE ROYAL, WHITECHAPEL ROTUNDA. 
 
 "SMOKING HAS BEEN FORBIDDEN IN BRITAIN'S NAVY. 
 
 TARS AND ENGLISHMEN ! UP AND RALLY ROUND 
 
 FITZ-BRICK'S NEW DRAMA, 
 
 THE SEAMAN'S PIPE! 
 
 OR, THE BATTLE AND THE BREEZE." 
 
 ACT I. proves " A Seaman's Loyalty." Tom 
 Clewline, an heroic tar, on emerging with his 
 newly-married wife from the village church, is de- 
 
 190
 
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 -I s" 
 

 
 A NAVAL BURLESQUE 
 
 nounced by the jealous Screw to the Press-gang, 
 who summon him for further service on board the 
 Blazes — Ca}Dtain Chainshot, whose life he had 
 saved by " cutting him out of a shark at Jamaiky." 
 
 Susan gives him a pipe and a bacco-bag as he de- 
 parts to " do his duty to his King." 
 
 " ACT iL ' The Breeze' Scene i. The cptar- 
 ter-deck of the 'Blazes' off Tobago. The American 
 ship ' Ganger lies N.N.E. by S. W. in the offing^ 
 American officers are on board and insidiously 
 drop tempting words into the ear of Clewline, who 
 is at the wheel. He treats the officers and their 
 offers with polite contempt. After an affectionate 
 scene between the Admiral and his saviour Tom, 
 finished off with a hornpipe pas de denx, the Ad- 
 miral announces the new regulation and calls on 
 
 191
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 the crew, for whom his heart is bleeding, to fling 
 their pipes upon the deck. " They dash them down 
 to a man. — National Anthem. — Grand Tableazi.'' : 
 all but Clewline, who, a little later on, explains — 
 " I wouldn't, I couldn't break Syousan's pipe . . . 
 my pretty Syousan's last gift! — No, not if I were 
 to die for it." {He puts it in his mouth.) 
 
 " Captain {coming unperceived out of the bin- 
 
 nacle)! ' Ha! smoking! — you shall have five hun- 
 dred lashes. . . . Ho, bos'n! pipe all hands for 
 punishment.'" 
 
 But Tom will not be flogged : " Farewell, Ad- 
 miral ! Farewell, my country! Syousan, Syou- 
 
 192
 
 A NAVAL BURLESQUE 
 
 san!" \_Ju77ips overboard. Cries of '' A man over- 
 board! He's swimming to the American Frigate f 
 &c^ The act concludes with the stage direc- 
 tions: ''This is a beautifiil scene. The ' Gotiger' 
 with all her canvass set, her bowlines gaffed, and her 
 maintop-halyards reefed N.S. by S.N., stands out 
 of the harbo7cr, and passes under the bows of the 
 ' Blazes' . . . Tom is seen corning up the side of the 
 shipr 
 
 In ACT III. we are on the main-deck of the U.S. 
 
 line-of-battle ship Virginia, Commodore . ''In 
 
 the offing, the ' Blazes' is seen in fill chase, with her 
 dead-eyes reefed, her caboose set, and her trysail scup- 
 pers clewed fore and aft." Susan asks the Com- 
 modore if he will fight against his country. For 
 answer he orders her below, and hearing from the 
 Master that the wind is North-South by East, tells 
 Mr. Brace to " ease her head a little," and decides 
 to do his duty to the Stars and Stripes, and to 
 show Britons how Britons can fight. They dance 
 the national hornpipe to bring up their spirits, for 
 they must meet i\\Q Blazes stern to stern and poop 
 to poop. The Blazes luffs, and her crew board 
 the Yankee. But Captain Chainshot is struck 
 down by the Commodore, and the British yield, 
 while the Commodore, throwing open his cloak, 
 reveals Tom Clewline with stars and epaulettes. 
 He spares the Admiral — declines to take his 
 sword — and as a " tag " rubs in the moral well : 
 " Drive not loyal souls to desperation. Give the 
 Seaman back his Backy, or, if you refuse, you will 
 
 N 193
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 have thousands deserting from your navy, like Tom 
 Clewline." 
 
 In the same number Thackeray records, under 
 the expressive title of " Black Monday " (p. 1 2), Sir 
 Robert Peel's superb leave-taking of office (29 June 
 1846), four days after having been beaten on the 
 Coercion Bill. Thackeray's heart went out to the 
 fallen Minister whose farewell was so dignified, 
 frank, and good-humoured, and whose generosity 
 so unselfishly accorded to Richard Cobden the 
 whole credit of the Repeal of the Corn Laws, al- 
 though it was his Government that had carried it 
 at the cost of self-immolation. 
 
 " He is gone, dear friends," says Thackeray. 
 " We saw him drive down to the House, and roll- 
 ing in his gold coach like King Pippin, but his 
 heart must have been cheered by the roar of thou- 
 sands of voices, which said ' God bless -him !' Did 
 he catch sight of Punch up in a lamp-post, yelling, 
 ' Bravo, Peel ! Peel for ever !' fit to crack his 
 lungs ? Dear old Peel ! We have had many a 
 tiff — but he is gone, and the Whigs are in. . . . 
 My dear friends, I think of Peel, and what he has 
 done, and what he has undone. Let b3^-gones be 
 by-gones. I should like to shake the hand that 
 floored the Corn - law, and gave Haydon fifty 
 pounds " — Haydon, the poor, harassed painter, 
 who had committed suicide a few days before, and 
 a week earlier had written in his Diary : " Sat from 
 two to five o'clock staring at my picture like an 
 
 idiot, my brain pressed down by anxiety and the 
 
 194
 
 SOCIAL SATIRES 
 
 anxious looks of my family, whom I have been 
 compelled to inform of my condition. I have 
 written to Sir Robert Peel, to — Sec, &c. Who an- 
 swered first ? Tormented by Disraeli, harassed by 
 public business, up came a letter from Sir Robert 
 Peel." It was this letter which enclosed ^50 — 
 "from a limited sum I have at my disposal, I send, 
 as a contribution for your relief from these embar- 
 rassments." 
 
 In another paragraph, " Signs of the Times," 
 the somewhat cryptic statement is made that, what- 
 ever the clubs may say, "the omnibuses go with 
 Sir Robert Peel." 
 
 A "social" cut appears in No. 264 (p. 52, i Au- 
 gust 1846) — " May difference of opinion never alter 
 Friendship." It is one of those mild domestic sat- 
 ires which the author-artist was fond of drawinsf. 
 A tall, simply-dressed young lady and her dumpy, 
 fussy young friend are trying on clothes in their 
 room. The latter, ridiculous both as to attire and 
 attitude, as she stands on tip-toe before the glass, 
 says: "Well, for my part, Matilda, I like long waists 
 and flounces." It is often difficult, when a fashion 
 has passed away, accurately to appreciate the fla- 
 vour of contemporary jokes made at its expense. 
 
 The visit of Mehemet Ali, the heroic Pasha of 
 Egypt, to the Sultan whom he had so often and 
 so thorougly defeated on sea and land, engaged 
 Thackeray's pen and pencil in Number 266 (p. '/2). 
 This description is a piece of capital fooling, pro- 
 fessing to come " From our own Correspondent." 
 
 195
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 " His Highness the 
 Viceroy of Egypt was 
 dressed in a simple 
 bulbul,with little orna- 
 ment, save his vener- 
 able white beard, and 
 a few tulips and poly- 
 anthuses (sent from the 
 Gardens of the Sweet- 
 waters, and a present 
 from the Sultana Va- 
 lide), arranged taste- 
 fully in his cocked hat. A papoosh (or pink dia- 
 mond) of tremendous brilliancy, glittered in the 
 hilt of his yatabal. Hoky Bey and Bosh Pasha 
 attended the Egyptian Sovereign. The eight-and- 
 forty rowers lay to their oars; and the narghile 
 cut rapidly through the waters of the blue Bos- 
 phorus amidst the shouting of the people from the 
 twenty thousand caciques that followed in the wake 
 of the gilded barge of state. 
 
 " The ladies of the Harem lined the walls of the 
 Seraskier's tower, and waved their shulwars in the 
 air to welcome the illustrious vassal of the Porte. 
 One of them, lifting her veil incautiously to look 
 at the cortege, was seen by the Chief of the Eu- 
 nuchs and instantly sewn into a sack and flung 
 into the Bosphorus. Her struggles and ludicrous 
 contortions caused a great deal of laughter, and 
 served to egayer the crowd. . . . 
 
 " At the stairs at Seraglio Point the Dromedary 
 
 196
 
 MEHEMET ALI AND THE SULTAN 
 
 Asra was in waitinsf ... to receive the renowned 
 Mehemet All As soon as he mounted, a cath- 
 erine-wheel fixed at the crupper of the animal was 
 lighted, and thus he rode into the great gate of 
 the Seraglio in a perfect blaze of glory. . . • The 
 Diplomatic Body appeared in full uniform, the 
 Chief Secretary of each Legation bearing a superb 
 banner, with the national arms, such as the British 
 Lion, the Cock of France, that interesting and 
 extremely rare bird, the double-headed Eagle of 
 Austria, the Ducks of Russia, &c. The Ameri- 
 can Minister flunor about a shower of Illinois and 
 Pennsylvanian Bonds ; which, however, were re- 
 ceived with utter disregard by the Turks — for the 
 most part unable to read, and ignorant of their 
 value." This allusion to the worthless stock of 
 the insolvent States is in true Titmarshian 
 vein. 
 
 Mehemet is then received. " Bring Coffee — 
 black coffee',' said His Highness the Sultan to the 
 Cafidsre Bashi. ' Black Coffee!' cried Mehemet, 
 looking wildly round; ' it — it don't agree with me.' 
 A ghastly smile played upon the lips of the Sul- 
 tan, as with a demoniac look he * * *," — and here 
 the fragment closes. Thackeray doubtless rightly 
 interpreted the Sultan's feelings towards his so- 
 called vassal; but the expected tragedy was not 
 enacted, and Mehemet returned to Egypt, to re- 
 sume his rule — to madness, and death. 
 
 On the same page we have another of Thack- 
 eray's "social " cuts. It is called " The Heavies," 
 
 197
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 in which two ill -drawn swells, in horribly otitre 
 clothes, are represented talking. 
 
 " The Speaking Machine " is Thackeray's next 
 contribution (p. 83). Tliis machine, at that time 
 the talk of the town, was being exhibited at the 
 
 THE HEAVIES 
 
 CAPTAIN RAGG AND CORNET FAMISH, i^c^^^— The Park) 
 
 R. "See that dem Mulligan dwive by, with that dem high- 
 stepping HAWS? IWISHMAN MULLIGAN — HATE IWISHMEN." 
 
 F. " / HATE THEM BECAUSE THEY DRESS SO LIKE TIGERS. HATE A 
 MAN THAT DON't DRESS QUIETLY." 
 
 R. "Dem 'em, so do Ay." 
 
 198
 
 "THE SPEAKING iM A C H I N E " 
 
 Egyptian Hall by its inventor, Professor Faber, of 
 Vienna. It was played upon like a pianoforte and 
 Q:ave forth several words ; and it was said that the 
 sound of the letter E had taken the Professor not 
 less than five years to produce. This machine, it 
 may be remembered, made its reappearance in 
 London in 1870. It could say a few words in 
 English, French, and German, in a shrill unnat- 
 ural key, and laughter could be produced by puU- 
 ino: down a lever. The instru- 
 ment naturally gave occasion for 
 numerous jocular suggestions 
 such as were made, nearly forty 
 years later, at the expense of the 
 phonograph. Thackeray proposed 
 that it should be combined with 
 the Euphonia, or verse -making 
 machine (alluded to on a previous (Seep. 201.) 
 page) and with Babbage's Calcu- 
 lating Machine, and pointed out the startling uses 
 for such a combination. Among others : "A clear 
 saving of ten thousand a year might be effected 
 by setting up a machine en permanence in the 
 Speaker s chair of the House of Commons. Place 
 the mace before it. Have ... a simple appa- 
 ratus for crying out ' Order, order,' at inter- 
 vals of ten minutes, and you've a Speaker at the 
 most trifling cost, whom Sir William Gossett might 
 keep going all night. The elocution of the Eupho- 
 nia is not at present very distinct. ... In our pres- 
 ence the Euphonia gave vent to a sentence which 
 
 199
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 nobody understood but ourselves, and our hearts 
 perhaps divined the cry. It was ' Hourrah for 
 
 The Household Brigade. (See p. 201.) 
 
 FiGDORiA.' So the machine (a German instru- 
 ment) pronounced the venerated name of Her 
 
 The Household Brigade. (See p. 201.) 
 200
 
 WHAT'S COME TO THE CLUBS?" 
 
 Majesty. . . . The machine laughs — but we are 
 bound to say not in a hearty and jovial manner. 
 It is a hard, dry, artificial laugh; such as that . . . 
 of Sir Robert Peel, when he is amused by some of 
 Mr. Disraeli's good-natured jokes against himself." 
 
 "What's Come to the Clubs?" — Thackeray's 
 next unidentified contribution (No. 271, 19 Sept. 
 1846) — deals with his annual grievance of the 
 summer blocking of the streets, and the closing, or 
 desertion, of the Clubs. It consists of a letter of 
 complaint (illustrated with three drawings) ad- 
 dressed to Punch by "Alured Mogyns de Mog- 
 yns," requesting that journal to remedy the state 
 of things — "and if 
 you will call any day 
 at the hotel for Cap- 
 tain DE MOGYNS'S 
 servant, my man will 
 give you something 
 handsome for your 
 trouble." 
 
 "The Household 
 Briorade " sets forth 
 and illustrates a let- 
 ter addressed by 
 Miss "Amanda Gor- 
 
 of 
 
 Knights- 
 
 gon, 
 
 bridge, to Pztnch, to 
 complain that she 
 has detected her 
 neifrhbours' servants 
 
 "What's come to the CUibs?'^ 
 
 201
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 kissing their hands unblushingly to " two horrid 
 whiskei'ed guardsmen making signals with their 
 odious fingers" from the barrack windows opposite. 
 It is curious and characteristic that Thackeray, 
 who illustrates his own text, has drawn the war- 
 riors with moustaches only (No. 276.) 
 
 " Kitchen Melodies — Curry," with an illustration 
 of a fat cook struggling with a monster gridiron, 
 is the text of a very domestic little poem ; but 
 althouorh the title suoorests a series, no others of 
 the sort were subsequently published. Is there not 
 an Horatian flavour in the lines 'I — 
 
 '' Uitcljcn lUiiobics.— (Currn 
 
 Three pounds of veal my darling girl prepares, 
 
 And chops it nicely into little squares ; 
 
 Five onions next procures the little minx 
 
 (The biggest are the best her Samiwel thinks), 
 
 And Epping butter nearly half a pound, 
 
 And stews them in a pan until they're brown\l. 
 
 202
 
 GASTRONOMICS 
 
 What's next my dexterous little girl will do ? 
 She pops the meat into the savory stew, 
 With curry-powder table spoonfuls three, 
 And milk a pint (the richest that may be) 
 And, when the dish has stewed for half an hour, 
 A lemon's ready juice she'll o'er it pour: 
 Then, bless her ! then she gives the luscious pot 
 A very gentle boil — and serves quite hot. 
 
 P.S. — Beef, mutton, rabbit, if you wish; 
 Lobsters, or prawns, or any kind of fish 
 Are fit to make A CURRY. 'Tis, when done, 
 A dish for Emperors to feed upon." 
 
 The verses read as if they were addressed to the 
 author's daughter, Mrs. Richmond Ritchie.
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 
 VOLUME XII. FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1847 
 
 The "Snob Papers" and the " Prize Novelists" 
 occupied Thackeray's pen for the most part in 
 Punclis Twelfth Volume, but not exclusively. 
 Here we have " The Mahogany Tree," with its 
 exquisite tenderness (No. 287), the second verse 
 of which is suppressed in its reprinted form and 
 need not here be restored ; and here, too (p. 59), 
 the "social " cut, representing a " Horrid Tragedy 
 in Private Life" — an enigmatical picture, the 
 meaning of which remained absolutely unintelli- 
 gible to the beholder for more than fifty years 
 until, in 1898, in the Biographical Edition of her 
 father's works, Mrs. Ritchie gave the solution. 
 On returning home one day Thackeray found 
 his little daughters dressed up and " playing at 
 Queens." The elder was ordering her rival to 
 instant execution — and Thackeray sketched them 
 as they stood. But neither in drawing nor text is 
 there any clue to the situation ; nor, if there were, 
 could the joke be considered a very funny one. 
 We have, besides, the " Love Songs Made Easy " 
 
 (p. loi), 'and " Love Songs of the Fat Contribu- 
 
 204
 
 A CRYPTIC TRAGEDY 
 
 tor" (pp. 125 and 227), with humorous explana- 
 tory introduction and epilogue which are unac- 
 countably omitted from the reprinted versions, for 
 they undoubtedly heighten the effect of the poems. 
 We next come to an important set of satiri- 
 
 HORRin TRAGEDY IN PRIVATE LIFE 
 {Thackeray s Daughters playing in their Father s Study!) 
 
 cal verses, entitled "The Cambridge Address to 
 Prince Albert " (No. 296). The Prince Consort 
 had lately been elected to the Chancellorship 
 of the University on the death of the Duke 
 of Northumberland, beating his opponent. Earl 
 
 Powis, by 953 votes to 837. /^2^;^^/2 laughed over 
 
 205
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 the election in cartoon, article, and verse, taking 
 mainly as his text the encyclopaedic knowledge 
 which the election presupposed the Prince to pos- 
 sess; for his Royal Highness, still a young man, 
 had recently also been created a Field-Marshal and 
 a Bencher of Lincoln's Inn. Thackeray not only 
 wrote his paper on " Mr. Jeames's Sentiments on 
 the Cambridge Election," already republished, but 
 he contributed the seven ten -line stanzas here 
 given. The verses purport to come from one 
 " Gyp " of Trinity College, Cambridge, and seem 
 to aim less at the Prince than at the Public Ora- 
 tor, the Reverend Mr. Crick. " The enthusiasm 
 of the gownsmen," it was said at the time, " knew 
 no bounds, and was only tamed within the bounds 
 of sanity by the dulness of the Latin oration of the 
 Public Orator."* 
 
 "THE CAMBRIDGE ADDRESS TO PRINCE ALBERT. 
 
 Stern fate hath clipped, with cruel shear, 
 
 In spite of all physick, 
 A worthy duke, a noble peer, 
 To virtue and to Cambridge dear, 
 
 (Says Reverend Mr. Crick.) 
 He ruled us but for seven short year, 
 
 His death was all too quick; 
 We howl, and drop the briny tear 
 Upon his lamentable bier, 
 
 (Says Reverend Mr. Crick.) 
 
 * See Annual Register for 1847. 
 206
 
 PRINCE ALBERT AS VICE-CHANCELLOR 
 
 About his venerated dust 
 
 Our tear-drops tumble thick : 
 He was our champion kind and just, 
 In him was all our hope and trust, 
 
 (Says Reverend iNIr. Crick.) 
 But weep and blubber though we must. 
 
 For this of dukes the pick. 
 We must not cr}' until we bust — 
 Such conduct would inspire disgust, 
 
 (Says Reverend Mr. Crick.) 
 
 My Granta ! wipe your weeping face, 
 
 And be philosophick ; 
 Look round and see can we replace 
 In any way his poor dear Grace, 
 
 (Says Reverend Mr. Crick.) 
 Who is the man to meet our case ? 
 
 Who enters in the nick, 
 To take Northumbrians vacant mace .-• 
 There is a gent of royal race, 
 
 (Says Reverend Mr. Crick.) 
 
 There is a gent of royal breed, 
 
 There is a princely brick. 
 Who doth on every virtue feed. 
 As wise in thought as great in deed ; 
 
 To him we'll tiy, (says Crick.) 
 O Prince ! come succour at our need, 
 
 This body politic ; 
 Heal up our wounds, which gape and bleed : 
 Prevent us running quite to seed, 
 
 (Cries Reverend ^NIr. Crick.) 
 
 On thee our hopes and faith we pin ; 
 
 Without thee, ruined slick; 
 To thee we kneel with humble shin ; 
 Stand by us, guide us, hem us in, 
 
 Great Prince ! (cries Dr. Crick.) 
 207
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Thou bright exemplar of all Prin- 
 ces, here your shoes we lick ; 
 Kings first endowed us with their tin, 
 Why mayn't we hope for Kings agin? 
 (Says independent Crick.) 
 
 OOMIM PLI/AlKyi AUL/E R£Q;/€ 
 
 BOOPH AGl 
 
 B E D E L L 1/ s 
 
 Crick Y= Public Orator spowts before \^- Prince's Highnesse. 
 
 PRINCEP^ C£LSIi51MVS 
 
 Our tree is of an ancient root, 
 
 And straightway perpendic- 
 ular to heaven its boughs will shoot, 
 If you but listen to our suit, 
 (Says Reverend Mr. Crick.) 
 208
 
 A TRIBUTE TO THE DUKE OF VICTORY 
 
 We grovel at your royal boot ; 
 
 Ah ! don't in anger kick, 
 Great Prince ! the suppliants at your foot, 
 See how our lips cling fondly to 't, 
 
 (Cries that true Briton, Crick.) 
 
 From faction's sacrilegious claws 
 
 Keep Church and Bishopric , 
 Support our academic cause ; 
 Uphold our rights, defend our laws, 
 
 (Ejaculated Crick.) 
 The speech was done. He made a pause 
 
 For Albert and for Vic ; 
 Three most vociferous huzzaws 
 Then broke from mighty Whewell's jaws, 
 Who, as a proof of his applause. 
 Straight to the buttery goes and draws 
 
 A pint of ale for Crick." 
 
 A pompous, absurdly-worded wedding announce- 
 ment of a singularly inflated character — badly 
 phrased so as to be open to several equally gro- 
 tesque interpretations — afforded a quotation to 
 Thackeray by which (in No. 305, p. 204) he was 
 enabled to elaborate what was almost, in effect a 
 supplementary '^ Snob Paper." It is called "A 
 Disputed Genealogy " and is in the form of a letter, 
 dated from Tugglesham Rectory, and addressed 
 " To the Editor of the Patrician, London," by 
 " Brian Tuggles Tuggles." 
 
 volume xiii. second half-yearly volume, 1847 
 
 In " Punch to the Queen of Spain," Thackeray 
 
 addresses in PuncJis name a letter, " favoured by 
 o 209
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Boldomero Espartero, Esq.," of more than a column 
 in length, dealing with French and Spanish politics. 
 He recommends her Majesty to become reconciled 
 to Louis Philippe, and in particular dwells on the 
 impending return to Spain of " General the Duke 
 of Victory," of whose dignified bearing when im- 
 pecunious and an exile in England he expresses 
 warm admiration. " Madam, a bawling martyr . . . 
 is worse than a criminal in the eyes of English 
 Society — he is a bore : whereas a gentleman who 
 bears his wrongs honourably, merits our respectful 
 sympathy, and a cordial hand-shake when he goes." 
 The former portion of the sentence is probably 
 the original of du Maurier's much-quoted answer 
 of a lady to her little boy, who wants to know if it 
 isn't wicked to swear — " it's worse than wicked — 
 it's vulgar." The opening of the article is note- 
 worthy, as it shows that the ban which Thackeray's 
 attack on the French King had invited had not 
 yet been removed, in spite of his proffered " recon- 
 ciliation" when Louis Philippe visited this country. 
 " Excuse, Madam, the liberty I've taken in ad- 
 dressing your Majesty: but I believe I am not 
 dismissed from Spain as yet, although I am not 
 allowed to cross the French frontier any more 
 than the Napoleons or the Bourbons." Espartero, 
 the Regent, who had been driven from Spain by 
 Narvaez in 1837, and had taken refuge in England, 
 had now been pardoned; and his recall undoubted- 
 ly afforded not less satisfaction to the general public 
 
 than to Punch himself. 
 
 210
 
 LITERARY FRAUD 
 
 The eccentricities of Mr. Chisholm Anstey, the 
 extraordinarily prolix Member for Youghal, are 
 hinted at in the paragraph entitled " Signs of a 
 Move" in No. 327 (p. 143). It is suggested 
 that that gentleman is about to take over the 
 offices of Prime Minister and Foreio;n Secre- 
 tary from Lord John Russell and Lord Palmer- 
 ston, and will provide his constituents with the 
 places for which they may invoke his patron- 
 age. 
 
 The same Number (p. 147) contains a long and 
 
 effective attack on a literary gentleman who had 
 
 for some time been advertising in the Times that 
 
 " he could secure literary fame to any party who 
 
 would apply to him under the seal of inviolable 
 
 secrecy — " over a bootmaker's in the Haymarket. 
 
 Thackeray explains how not he but " Mrs. Punch " 
 
 wrote in reply, setting forth her desire to extract 
 
 appreciation from an unw'illing public for her new 
 
 "volume of poesy, ' Moans of the Nightwind,' for 
 
 which she has in vain attempted to find a Maecenas." 
 
 The advertiser, who had employed the letters " X. 
 
 Y. Z. — " here used as the heading of the article — 
 
 took the bait, and revealed himself as one Smithers 
 
 — whose " Rumbuski " had been pronounced by 
 
 certain obscure journals as distinguished by merits 
 
 variously comparable with those of Shakespeare, 
 
 Milton, Schiller, Goethe, and the Elizabethan 
 
 poets. He offered to produce " sterling poetry " 
 
 for his clients at ^5 5s. per hundred lines and 
 
 " first-rate prose " for ^8 8s. per octavo sheet of 16 
 
 211
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 closely printed pages ; and so on. Thackeray 
 protests against the principle : 
 
 " But," he asks, " has he any right to do so? — 
 that is the point. No young author has the right 
 to go and purchase a hundred lines of sterling 
 verse, written by a Riunbnski, and buy a claim to 
 immortality for five pounds five. The tickets to 
 that shop are not transferable, so to speak. It may 
 be very well for a Smithers to throw off a few 
 thousand sterling lines or reams of first-rate prose, 
 and secure his own seat; but he can't keep places 
 for ever so many friends besides. It is not fair 
 upon us who are struggling at the door. . . . 
 There must be no making first-rate verses for 
 other parties at £^ 5s. per hundred lines ; at 
 which rate, any man with a ^50 note (for Smith- 
 ers would, no doubt, take off the discount) might 
 be a first-rate poet, and get a claim on the Gov- 
 ernment for a pension. No, no. You may touch 
 up a man's drawing, Smithers; but you must not 
 do every line of it. You may put a few feathers 
 into a jackdaw's tail, but do not send him out into 
 the world as an accomplished peacock. It is not 
 fair upon the other jackdaws. . . . What.'* the poet 
 of other ages — the author of the great Rnmbiiski^ 
 a literary smasher, and vendor of illicit coin.'* O 
 fie!"* 
 
 * This matter touches an interesting point concerning 
 Thackeray himself. More than once the question has been 
 debated in the United States and even in England, — did John 
 P. Kennedy write Chapter IV. Vol. II. of " The Virginians " ? 
 
 ^12
 
 "CAUTION TO TRADESMEN" 
 
 Finally, we have a chuckle from Thackeray, 
 entitled "Caution to Tradesmen" (p. 150), over 
 the victimising of certain Liverpool shop-keepers 
 by " a fellow calling himself the Honourable Mr. 
 FiTZCLARENCE, and representing himself as son of 
 the Right Honourable The Earl of Auckland, 
 residing at 41 Carlton Gardens ;" for had these 
 snobbish tradesmen, who were said to have trust- 
 ed an " Honourable" merely because he said he 
 was one, consulted " Snooks s Peerage and Cotirl 
 Guide'' they would have found that the Earl's 
 family name is Eden and that there is no 41 in 
 Carlton Gardens. 
 
 After his sharp criticism of the Public Orator 
 of Cambridge already referred to, Thackeray — 
 
 General James Grant Wilson, the editor of " Appleton's 
 Cyclopaedia of American Biography," relying on the high 
 character of Mr. Kennedy, as well as of Mr. John H. B, La- 
 trobe who reported him, admitted the claim to the Cyclo- 
 pedia in an article written by the latter gentleman. It has 
 been modified in a later edition, and it now stands that Ken- 
 nedy is the author of a portion of the chapter; but those who 
 read the article " X. Y. Z.," and realise what was Thack- 
 eray's opinion of men who admitted cuckoos to their literary 
 nests, will probably doubt the soundness of the claim, and 
 will be inclined to agree with Mrs. Richmond Ritchie's pa- 
 thetically simple reply: "No doubt Mr. Kennedy gave him 
 some facts about the scenery, but I am sure my father wrote 
 his own books." Furthermore, the whole of the manuscript 
 is in Thackeray's handwriting; is it likely that he who is sup- 
 posed on plea of laziness to have deputed another to write 
 his chapter would have taken the trouble to copy it out — even 
 for unintelligible purposes of imposition 1 
 
 213
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 writing in the name of "Adolphus Littlego" — 
 
 turned his attention to the Oxford official (No. 329, 
 
 p. 170). That divine had given utterance to a 
 
 ponderous, vague, ill-constructed, and extremel}- 
 
 involved sentence in the course of a speech on the 
 
 subject of the extension of Empire. Thackeray 
 
 swoops upon it, tears it to tatters, and exposes 
 
 its four "remarkable propositions." He also wants 
 
 to know why the extension of Empire is called, by 
 
 the Oxford Public Orator, "a mixed boon." What 
 
 is a "mixed boon?" he asks, and then proceeds 
 
 gaily: 
 
 " Suppose a kind friend were to offer you a 
 
 glass of brandy-and-water, that would be a mixed 
 
 boon, and the liquor might be so compounded 
 
 that you should not know which prevailed in 
 
 quantity, the brandy or the water. So with the 
 
 extension of empire: the P. O. is awfully puzzled 
 
 to know whether it is a good or an evil. . . . 
 
 Again, I want to know what the P. O. means by 
 
 ' We may almost say that the extension of Empire 
 
 has been forced on this Country.' How do you 
 
 almost say a thing .f* Suppose I say a man is a 
 
 donk — or a goo — , or that such and such an 
 
 opinion is a humb — , I almost say a thing, to 
 
 which the laws of politeness forbid me to give 
 
 full utterance. But I can't say a sentence, and 
 
 say at the same time that I only almost say it, 
 
 any more than I could say of a mixed boon, if I 
 
 turned the glass containing it to the ground, (an 
 
 absurd proposition), that I had almost spilt the 
 
 214
 
 "THE NEW PEERS SPIRITUAL" 
 
 liquor. Once out of the goblet's mouth, down 
 goes the boon somewhere; and it is with words 
 as with spirit-and-water." And he continues play- 
 fully to the end, finally declaring that if such is 
 the language put forward by the Old University, 
 he will send his son Augustus Frederic to the 
 New. 
 
 In the following number (p. 172) the question 
 of "The New Peers Spiritual" is dealt with on the 
 occasion of a projected visit to London of the Irish 
 Roman Catholic Bishops — who had been "recog- 
 nised" three years before. A burlesque pro- 
 gramme for the occasion is drawn up by Thack- 
 eray after a dig at Lord Clarendon, the new Lord 
 Lieutenant. The article concludes: "Some dif- 
 ficulty is made about His Grace the Lord Chief 
 Rabbi, who claims to take precedence of every 
 one of the new nobles [the Roman Catholic 
 Hierarchy] and from the fact that both His 
 Grace and the Lords Quakers persist in keeping 
 their hats on in the presence of Royalty." 
 
 This contribution is followed (p. 179) with a 
 comic despatch from the seat of the American- 
 Mexican War which was then proceeding. The 
 consistency with which both sides claimed the 
 victory and the heroism of Santa Anna, the 
 Mexican President, in spite of his oft -reported 
 wounds, gave Thackeray ample material for fun. 
 
 " General Growdy's division yesterday came 
 
 up with the main body of the Mexican force 
 
 under General Cabanas, at Rionogo, where the 
 
 215
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 New Orleans Picayntne informs us that a severe 
 engagement took place. Both parties won the 
 victory, and were repulsed with severe slaughter. 
 Santa Anna was present in the action, in the 
 course of which his head was shot of¥. He sub- 
 sequently addressed a heart -stirring proclamation 
 to the Mexican nation, in which he described the 
 action of the 27th, which ended in the utter defeat 
 of the Americans, whose victory, however, cost 
 them dear. 
 
 " Immediately after their success, they proceed- 
 ed to eVacuate the town, wdiich they bombarded 
 next day. The Mexican troops were annihilated 
 after a trifling skirmish, in which Santa Anna 
 lost his leg, which was amputated on the spot, 
 before the retreat of the Americans upon Caca- 
 pulco. ... A deserter from the enemy came in 
 yesterday. He says that President Santa Anna 
 received a twenty-eight-pounder through his body, 
 after which he renewed the action. The bombard- 
 ment of Los Leperos is not confirmed. Santa 
 Anna received a congreve -rocket in the left knee 
 there, and has ordained the formation of a similar 
 corps. . . 
 
 " The Legion of Saint Nicholas, under 
 O'ScRAGGs, performed prodigies of valour on both 
 sides. Plunorino: into the thickest of the melee at 
 Pickapockatickl, O'Scraggs engaged personally 
 with General Ragg, wdiose pocket-handkerchief, 
 after a severe struggle, he succeeded in carrying 
 off. ... In the enoaaement at Santos Ladrones, 
 
 216
 
 MEXICAN HEROISM 
 
 SO creditable to both sides, O'Scragg, whose 
 Legion was then acting with the American army, 
 had almost taken prisoner Santa Anna, who had 
 both legs shot off by our brave bombardiers ; his 
 silver snuff-box, however, was captured out of the 
 General's coat pocket, as he fled from a field 
 where he had covered himself with so much glory. 
 Captain Scraggs used the snuff-box on the last 
 day of his brilliant existence, when he died the 
 death of a hero, being hanged before the Ameri- 
 can lines, to the delight of both armies." 
 
 Arista subsequently became President, but on 
 his resignation in 1853, the sadly- mauled Santa 
 Anna resumed power with the title of Dictator.
 
 CHAPTER X 
 VOLUME XIV. FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1843 
 
 During the six opening weeks of 1848 Thack- 
 eray's contributions consisted exclusively of his 
 "Travels in London," and not till the 26th of Feb- 
 ruary (No. 346, p. 81) did he send an "occasional " 
 article. This was a whole page, with two illustra- 
 tions (one of which is entirely unconnected with the 
 subject), entitled "Mr. Punch for Repeal." Here- 
 in Mr. Punch makes the mock confession of his 
 conversion to Repeal, basing it upon John O'Con- 
 nells letter to "My dear Ray" — to whom "Punch" 
 also addresses this article* — on the subject of the 
 generous collection made in Notre Dame, in Paris, 
 on the occasion of a service held there in memory 
 of his father. Daniel O'Connell had died in the 
 previous year, and the Abbe Lacordaire (who soon 
 after emulated the Vicar of Bray) had pronounced 
 an eloquent funeral sermon in honour of the de- 
 
 * Thomas Matthew Ray — Secretary of the Loyal National 
 Repeal Association, and organiser for O'Connell, with whom 
 he was charged with exciting disaffection in Ireland, and con- 
 demned. The verdict was afterwards reversed. He died in 
 1881. 
 
 218
 
 THACKERAY AS A REPEALER 
 
 ceased. John O'Connell, relatively to his parent 
 was a poor foolish creature, wholly without tact. 
 He took occasion, while giving utterance to his 
 gratitude to the French subscribers, to express his 
 scorn of " the heartlessness of the statesmen, and 
 
 legislators, and press-writers of wealthy England, 
 who, after plundering us for centuries, refuse us 
 the smallest assistance in the extremity of that 
 misery which has been brought upon us by Eng- 
 lish misrule." 
 
 Himself a subscriber to the Irish relief fund, 
 
 219
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Thackeray was very wroth at the abuse and in- 
 dignant at the ingratitude of the charge. He con- 
 fesses himself converted to Repeal, because — " I 
 am for a quiet life, and a Parliament where you 
 may compliment one another. What is the use 
 of meddling? It is expensive and not useful." 
 
 %TImiS}(I 
 
 Archdeacon Laffan's appeal had met with gener- 
 ous response by heartless England, and here was 
 the result ! He then draws a comparison : 
 
 " The infernal artifice and shrewdness of Eng- 
 lish gentlemen in distressed circumstances induces 
 them to keep their tongues quiet when they are 
 actually in the begging business, and never to 
 
 :20
 
 JOHN OCONNELLS INGRATITUDE 
 
 curse those from whom they hope to beg again, 
 until they are out of hearing. The EngHsh are 
 naturally niggardly and timid villains. We are 
 obliged to coax and wheedle them into charity: 
 they are too glad of a pretext of buttoning up ; 
 and the natural cowardice of our almsgivers will 
 no more face a little abuse and foul language, 
 than an Italian sailor will put out to sea in rough 
 weather. 
 
 " We cannot help it. We are — as you kindly 
 and constantly show us — naturally cowardly and 
 deceitful. You are open and courageous in Ire- 
 land. I admire the frankness of a man who holds 
 out his hand and says, ' For the love of Heaven, 
 you infernal scoundrel, give me your money, and 
 I should like to dash your brains out.' I admire 
 him; and that, I say, is why I am and declare my- 
 self a Repealer. I am for not being abused, for 
 not having to pay money any more, and for not 
 having my brains dashed out. ... It is clear that 
 the English press -writers and others have been 
 plundering Mr. J. O'Connell and friends for cen- 
 turies; that we have brought a potato-disease upon 
 you and denied you the smallest relief; that four 
 or five hundred thousand pounds paid over hon- 
 estly, squeezed out of all sorts of pockets ... is not 
 the smallest relief at all, and, indeed, is a much less 
 sum than five or six thousand francs collected in 
 the plates of Notre Dame. . . . P.S. The ruffian 
 Saxon Ministry, in bringing forward its measures 
 of, finance, has again spared you the Income Tax 
 
 221
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 — another dastardly slight of Old Ireland." Where- 
 fore Thackeray, ignoring the fact that O'Connell 
 was repudiated by "Young Ireland" and by the 
 United Irishman, and denounced for sending round 
 a dead man's hat — a posthumous begging-box — 
 "declares himself a Repealer and — his purse strings 
 close up. Tipperary shall have no more of it. We 
 can lay it out at better interest in this country." 
 
 Four unimportant two- or three- line paragraphs 
 appear in No. 348. The first, " Heroic Sacrifice " 
 (p. 96), chaffs Alexandre Dumas, whose "bounce" 
 and strange productiveness were to Pinich a con- 
 stant source of sarcastic comment ; the second, a 
 riddle under the title of " What has Happened to 
 the Morning Chronicle T (p. 100); the third (same 
 page), " The Worst Cut of All," a double stroke at 
 Disraeli and the ex- King Louis Philippe, then in 
 full flight to England under the assumed name 
 of "John Smith;" and "Old England for Ever!" 
 (p. 105) a comparison between the physical power 
 of endurance in debate of M. Lamartine and Mr. 
 Chisholm Anstey. 
 
 In "A Dream of the Future" (No. 349, p. 107) 
 Mr. Punch falls asleep and, his mind full of the 
 newly-proclaimed Republic in France, dreams of a 
 burlesque topsy-turvy English Government with 
 its ministries filled by the most unsuitable " Citi- 
 zens " enjoying renown, popularity, or mere noto- 
 riety. Citizens and "Citizenesses " receive all the 
 appointments, and " a large amount of specie ar- 
 rived yesterday at Liverpool, on board the Irish
 
 CITOYEN CORNICHON 
 
 Imperial Steamer Tareanouns, in payment of the 
 debt of ten millions contracted durins; the time of 
 the famine. The Council of the Kinors of that 
 country assembled at Dublin last week, and were 
 magnificently entertained by the Emperor at his 
 palace of Stoneybatter. Her Imperial Majest}^ is 
 progressing very favourably, and rumour says, that 
 a marriage is in contemplation between their Maj- 
 esties' nineteenth daughter Gavanina, and a prince 
 of the Royal house of Mulligan," 
 
 " The ex-King at Madame Tussaud's " (No. 350, 
 p. 128) reveals Louis Philippe visiting the wax- 
 works under the name of the Comte de Neuilly, 
 and expressing satisfaction, as he regards the efifigy 
 of himself, with the words — ''Ici je suis cncor 
 Cirey 
 
 The Chartist effervescence, coinciding with the 
 revolution in Paris, put it in the heads of certain 
 French " patriots " to send agitators over to Eng- 
 land, if not exactly hoping to disaffect the popu- 
 lace and show them how to throw up barricades, 
 at least to cnibeter les ans'lais. One " Citizen Cor- 
 nichon " played an amusing part : counting on the 
 general discontent which he imagined to exist in 
 London, as in Paris, and depending further on the 
 active assistance of the Irish in the metropolis, he 
 harangued the multitude in Trafalgar Square, 
 told them they were " cowards " not to rise — and 
 promptly got his head thoroughly well punched 
 by a butcher-boy for his pains. Mr. Punch was 
 
 delighted at the exploit and expressed the since 
 
 223
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 oft-quoted hope that " no one would ever think of 
 such a thing as putting the French Agitator into 
 the Fountains." 
 
 T" HACKERAY had his 
 
 ^.^ say in a long two-column 
 article entitled " French 
 Sympathisers " (No. 354, 
 p. 171). When the revo- 
 lutionary in question was 
 knocked down by the 
 young butcher, said he, 
 certain documents fell 
 from his pocket and could 
 now be had by the owner 
 on personal application at the office. Meanwhile 
 Punch took it upon himself to translate and pub- 
 lish them. They are addressed : " The representa- 
 tive of France^ Cornichon, to the President of the 
 Tyrannicide Club, Liberty! Equality! Frater- 
 nity ! Death to Despotism !" The first purports 
 to be a report submitted to his chiefs by this 
 envoy, and is dated the 8th April — the loth be- 
 ing the day appointed in London for the general 
 rising, when indeed certain riots did take place. 
 The tenour of this contribution may be realised 
 from the following excerpts : 
 
 " I have the honour to announce my arrival in 
 the modern Carthage, and to report as to the 
 measures taken by us in conferring liberty upon 
 
 an island whose treachery has passed into a prov- 
 
 224
 
 CHARTISM AND REVOLUTION 
 
 erb, and who groans under a hideous aristocratic 
 despotism. 
 
 " The traject from Boulogne was made in two 
 hours ; a strong wind agitated the waters of the 
 Sleeve {la Manchc) ; unaccustomed to maritime 
 motion, I suffered frightful anguishes. . . . My 
 sack-of-night was passed without difficulty at the 
 Douane. My commissary-scarf was not remarked 
 by the supervisors, or if so, treated with insular 
 scorn. Glorious emblem ! In three days, in the 
 midst of bayonets and battles, it shall gird the 
 heart of the patriot. Wellington shall see that 
 signal, and Palmerston kiss the foot of the 
 wearer. . . . 
 
 "The principles of our glorious Revolution I saw 
 everywhere progressing: in almost all the shops 
 in the neighbourhood of the [" Lester "] Squarr 
 pancarts announced that French was spoken by 
 these commercials. They are evidently prepared 
 to declare themselves after the great day; when 
 the nation shall be ours, and the stain of Water- 
 loo wiped away. . . . This, the fashionable quar- 
 ter, is entii^ely in the possession of the French- 
 men. . . . 
 
 " I have consulted with the Citizens who are to 
 blow up the Bridge of Waterloo. A select band is 
 appointed who is to take possession of the Lor 
 Maire. With him in our hands, the Town is 
 ours. The Queen has fled. The Chartist Citi- 
 zens are to be invited to join the demonstration. 
 We shall lead them against the troops. They are 
 p 225
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 clamorous for the day when this island. shall be- 
 come a French department." 
 
 The writer is then shown the famous " Monster 
 Petition " which, through its fraudulent charac- 
 ter, covered the Chartists with ridicule and led to 
 the collapse of their movement. He takes it all 
 seriously and continues his report : 
 
 " ' Who are these, Snooks's,' asked the Citizen 
 Commissary, 'whose names I read so many times? 
 It must be a numbrous family of patriots that of 
 Snooks: and merits well of the countr3^ I should 
 think there must be five hundred Snooks's at least 
 on the parchment.'* 
 
 " My informant, smiling archly, said, 'he thought 
 there were.' 
 
 " ' And will they all be in the field of honour to- 
 morrow T I asked. 
 
 " ' Behind the barricades, my brother Citizen,' 
 responded Brown, giving me a grasp of a hand, 
 dirty, but friendly. And putting his other hand 
 to his nose, he playfully extended its fingers." 
 
 A more noteworthy contribution, also occupy- 
 ing a whole page, appears in No. 355 (p. 182). 
 Entitled " An After-Dinner Conversation," it also 
 deals with the Chartist principles, and is chiefly 
 remarkable for its clever imitation of Disraeli's 
 manner. "Colonel Sibby" (Colonel Sibthorp) is 
 supposed to be entertaining at dinner " Mr. Ben- 
 
 * An extraordinary proportion of the 3,600,000 signatures 
 were proved to be fraudulent. 
 
 226
 
 PARODY OF DISRAELI 
 
 jamin Dizzy," " Mr. Y. Doodle, a gentleman from 
 Philadelphia," and " Mr. Cuffee, a Delegate." The 
 latter was Cuffey, the journeyman-tailor, one of the 
 noisiest though most honest of the Chartists, who 
 afterwards succeeded in getting into prison, whence 
 he was subsequently released on a pardon. His 
 wife, to whom allusion is made, worked hard as 
 a charwoman ; but she lost her place when her 
 employer ascertained that her husband was the 
 notorious Chartist — a circumstance of which the 
 Chartists very properly made great capital, and 
 which brought them no little sympathy. The 
 parody is so good that the whole of it is reprinted 
 here : 
 
 "AN AFTER-DINNER CONVERSATION. 
 
 Colonel Sibby, an E?iglish Gentleman and Me^nber of Farlia- 
 
 ment. 
 Mr. Benjamin Dizzy, Ditto. Ditto. 
 
 Mr. Y. Doodle, a Gentleman from Philadelphia. 
 Mr. Cuffee, a Delegate. 
 
 " Gentleman from Philadelphia. That cider we 
 
 had at dinner was tarnation good, but d your 
 
 pickles, Colonel. Why the stones on 'em's fit to 
 choke a body. 
 
 " Colonel. Cider ! Pickles ! The cider was 
 champagne, and the pickles are olives, Mr. Yan- 
 kee. \Aside7[ What an ignorant son of a gun 
 it is! 
 
 227
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 '■'•Mr. Benjamin. I never could understand, Mr. 
 CuFFEE,why an olive tree should have been selected 
 as an emblem of peace. It has an ungainly trunk, 
 a scanty foliage, and a bitter fruit. It grows where 
 no other trees will grow; I have seen it, Sibby, 
 lining the bleak hill sides of my native Syrian hills, 
 and speckling the mangy mounds w^hich they call 
 hills in Attica. Brougham cultivates oil yards at 
 his place in Provence — a comfortable box enough, 
 where he and I have speared a boar many a 
 time. But the Greeks were fools in their choice 
 of imagery. They call an olive tree peaceful, 
 which neither gives shade nor fruit fit to speak 
 of; as they call an owl wise, which only knows 
 how to whoop in the dark, and is a beast unfit for 
 daylight. Peace is a palm tree, Wisdom is the 
 sun. 
 
 " Colonel. What the deuce are you a driving 
 at, about suns, palm trees, owls, and emblems of 
 peace } Pass round the claret, Dizzy, and give 
 Mr. Cuffee a glass. 
 
 " Cjiffee. Thank ye, Colonel ; I stick to Port. 
 And yours is uncommon rich and strong, to be 
 sure. My service to you, gents. I suppose now 
 you ave a reglar fish and soup dinner, as we ad, 
 and wine every day .? 
 
 " Colonel. Ha, ha ! Here's Mrs. Cuffee's 
 health. 
 
 " Cnffee. Thank ye, gents. She's gone out en- 
 gaged professionally, w^ith Miss Martin, or I'm 
 sure she would like to ave ad er lc2:s under this
 
 MONARCHICAL IDIOSYNCRASIES 
 
 maogany. What's the use of keeping the cloth 
 on it? You ain't ashamed on it, Colonel, are 3^ou ? 
 
 " Colonel. Good for washing, you know. Ha, 
 ha ! had him there. How are you off for soap } — 
 Has your mother sold her mangle. Good for 
 trade, don't you see t 
 
 ''Mr. Dizzy. We wrap up everything in this 
 country, my worthy Cuffee. We put a wig on 
 my Lord Chancellor's head as we do powder on 
 the pate of that servant at whom I saw you wink- 
 ing at dinner. We call a man in the House an 
 honourable gentleman ; we dish up a bishop in an 
 apron. We go to Court dressed in absurd old- 
 fashioned bags and buckles. We are as lavish of 
 symbols as the Papists, whom we are always abus- 
 ing for idol worship. And we grovel in old-world 
 ceremonies and superstitions of which we are too 
 stupid to see the meaning, the folly, or the beauty. 
 Do you apprehend me, Cuffee .'* 
 
 " Cuffee. I'll take a back-hand at the Port — hey, 
 neighbour ? 
 
 ''American Gentleman {shrinking back). I wish 
 that man of colour would know his place. 
 
 "Mr. Benjamin. You complain that the cloth is 
 left for dessert ; why was it on at dinner.f* The 
 Colonel's soup would have been just as good on a 
 deal-table. 
 
 " Sibby. But w4iere would Mrs. Cuffee and her 
 mangle have been } No table - cloth, no washer- 
 woman. 
 
 " Cuffee. Washin and luxuries be blowed, I say. 
 
 229
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 What I want is that every man should have a 
 bellyful, and (here's my health to you, Colonel) 
 that there should be no superfluities. I say we 
 ave ad victuals and drink enough to support twen- 
 ty men. Look at this table and all this your plate. 
 This year gilt fork (don't be afraid, I ain't a going 
 to prig it, Colonel) would keep a family for a week. 
 You've got a dozen of 'em. Why should you. f* I 
 once ad two teaspoons marked with a C ; but that 
 was in appier times, and they are separated now. 
 Why are you to ave dozens ? What ave you done 
 for 'em? You toil not, neither do you spin. You 
 ain't a Solomon in all your glory, certainly. You 
 are no better than me; why should you be better 
 ho£f .f* And not you only, but those that is higher 
 than you. The time has come for doing away 
 with these superfluities, and that's the great Prin- 
 ciples of Freedom. Your health. Citizen. 
 
 ''Mr. Dizzy. If our friend the Colonel had no 
 security for his spoons, those articles, which are 
 indeed very elegant, would lose half their worth. 
 My horse may be worth twenty pounds in London 
 now; but if I am certain that the Government will 
 take possession of him to mount the cavalry, my 
 tenure in the brute becomes hazardous, and his 
 value instantly drops. And suppose you were to 
 make a general distribution of all the spoons in 
 the kingdom — what would happen next.^* He 
 would exchange his silver for bread ; that is, the 
 man who had the most bread would come into pos- 
 session of the most spoons, as now. Would you 
 
 230
 
 AIMS OF THE CHARTISTS 
 
 commence the process over again ? You propose 
 an absurdity, Mr. Cuffee. No: our friend and 
 host has as good a right to his forks as to his teeth ; 
 and may he long use both in the discussion of his 
 meals. 
 
 ''Mr. Cuffce. The law of man and nature is — 
 that a man should live, and that he is as good as 
 his neighbour. No honest Chartist wants your 
 rights, he only wants his own. The Aristocracy 
 have managed matters for us so badly: have made 
 themselves so rich and us so poor, by managing 
 for us, that now we're determined to manao^e for 
 ourselves. We can't be worse — 
 
 ''Mr. Dizzy. Yes, I say you can. 
 
 "Mr. Cliff ee. I say, again, we can't be worse: and 
 that we are the strongest, and mean to have it. 
 We'll come down in the might of our millions, and 
 say we will be heard— we will be represented — we 
 will be fed — or if not — 
 
 "Mr. Dizzy. That's your Convention talk, Cuf- 
 FEE — don't talk to ns in that way, 
 
 " Sibby. No, no, you may wish it, and you may 
 wish you may get it; but since the loth, I think 
 that cock won't fight — Ay, my boy ? I say, wasn't 
 that a glorious sight, Mr. Doodle, to see a people 
 rally round their Queen in the way that the citi- 
 zens did .?* 
 
 * Allusion to the self-enrolment of 150.000 of the citizens 
 of London as " special constables " — with Prince Louis Na- 
 poleon amongst the number — in order to cope with the 
 Chartist demonstration and expected riots, loth April, 1848.
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 '■'' Gentleman from P. Rally round the Queen! 
 You would have had to go to Osborne to do that. 
 
 " Cnffee {with a satirical air). Where His Royal 
 Hisfhness, the Prince, was a takino- care of Her 
 Majesty. 
 
 "•Dizzy. Pish! The flag-staff was here, on Buck- 
 ingham Palace arch,* with the crown on the top 
 — What matter that the flag was down ? INIy dear 
 Sir, Monarchy is but a symbol, by which we rep- 
 resent Union, Order, and Property. 
 
 '' Sibby. Our Glorious Constitution, dammy! 
 
 ''Dizzy. And we can rally round a stick just as 
 well as a living sovereign. The times are gone by 
 when kings turned out with white panaches, and 
 tilted against their enemies like so many dragoons. 
 Would you have had Her IMajesty, on a side-sad- 
 dle, haranguing the police, and His Royal High- 
 ness the Prince carrying a baton ? 
 
 " Ciiffee. He is a Field-Marshal, ain't he } 
 
 " Sibby. Ha, ha ! Had him there, Cuffee ! 
 
 "■Dizzy. His Royal Highness is, so to speak, 
 only an august ceremony. He is an attendant 
 upon the Ark of the Monarchy ; we put that out 
 of danger when commotions menace us. 
 
 " Ciiffee. If a stick would do as well as a sover- 
 eign, why not have one.-^ It don't cost as much — it 
 never dies. It might be kep in a box lined with 
 erming, and have a stamp at the end to sign the 
 
 * The Marble Arch, removed to its present site at Cumber- 
 land Gate, 29th March, 185 1,
 
 THE VALUE OF A CROWN 
 
 warrants. And it mioht be done for less than 
 four hundred thousand a year. 
 
 " Gentleman from P. We can do it for less in 
 our country — our President, Mr. Polk, for in- 
 stance.* 
 
 " Dizzy. Your President, Mr. Polk, cost you 
 a Mexican war: how many millions of dollars 
 is that? If in this country we were to have an 
 election every year, a struggle for the President's 
 chair every three years, men taking advantage of 
 the excitement of the day, and out-bidding each 
 other on the popular cry, we should lose in mere 
 money, ten times as much as the Sovereign "costs 
 us. Look over the water at your beloved France, 
 Mr. Cuffee. 
 
 " Cuffee. Veeve la liberty {drinks). 
 
 ''Dizzy. They have already spent two hundred 
 millions of our money in getting rid of old Ulys- 
 ses. What is the value of the daily produce 
 of a nation ? When Mr. Cuffee is profession- 
 ally occupied, he earns — how much shall we 
 say .f* 
 
 " Cnffec. Say five bob a day, you won't be far 
 wrong; and here's your health. 
 
 ''Dizzy. He loses thirty shillings every week, 
 then, that he does not work ; and either of free 
 will or necessity spends it. If he does not work 
 himself, if he prevents others from working, if 
 
 * What was considered as the inadequacy of the emolu- 
 ments paid to the highest officials of the United States had 
 lately been criticised in the English press. 
 
 233
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 he frightens customers, our worthy friend ties 
 the hands of labour, and stops the growth of 
 bread. 
 
 " C^iffec. You mean by all these grand phrases 
 that there will be a convulsion, during which the 
 labour of the country will stop temporary ? — of 
 course there will. But then see how much bet- 
 ter we shall be after, and how much freer to 
 work! Why, give us our six pints (and have 'em 
 we will) and this country becomes a regular 
 Eutropia. 
 
 " The Colonel. Explain — Mr. Cuffee — explain! 
 
 " Mr. Cuffee. I will, Gents, I will : but the bot- 
 tle's empty, and, if you please, John shall bring 
 another, so as not to interrupt me. 
 
 [ The Colonel rings for more wine^ 
 
 A fortnight later (No. 357) Thackeray com- 
 mented in a long communication on the extraor- 
 dinary character of Lord Palmerston's despatch 
 interfering with the internal affairs of Spain, 
 which only resulted in the indignant protest of 
 the D.uc de Sotomayor and in the breaking off of 
 diplomatic relations between the two countries 
 for two years, when, through the good offices of 
 Belgium, Lord Howden was accepted as British 
 Ambassador in substitution for Sir Henry Lyt- 
 ton - Bulwer whom, as that Minister who had 
 presented the offending despatch, Spain had in- 
 continently expelled. Lord Palmerston had in- 
 structed Sir Henry to " recommend earnestly to 
 
 234
 
 PALMERSTON'S INDISCRETION 
 
 the Queen of Spain, that she "would act wisely 
 ... if she w^ere to strengthen her Execution Gov- 
 ernment by," <S:c. &c. This amazing interference 
 was not only presented, but issued by the Am- 
 bassador to Opposition journals. The Spanish 
 Cabinet replied that they could " not see without 
 the most extreme surprise the extraordinary pre- 
 tensions of Lord Palmerston to interfere with 
 the internal affairs of Spain" — with much plain 
 speaking of an equally unequivocal character, 
 ending with the return of the despatch and the 
 threat that if the Minister again went " beyond 
 the bounds of his mission" the Duke would be 
 "under the painful necessity of returning your de- 
 spatches without further remark." In the result 
 Sir Henry Bulwer was expelled two months later, 
 after Lord Palmerston had expressed himself 
 " satisfied " with the whole affair and not " in any 
 way offended at the return of his notes." Great 
 dissatisfaction was felt in England with the action 
 of the Foreign Secretary, and Thackeray took 
 delight in paraphrasing a despatch the impudence 
 of which could hardly be caricatured. Under the 
 title of " The Portfolio" he wrote four "despatch- 
 es:" the first ''From Viscount Pumicestone to 
 H.E. the English Ambassador at Constantinople^' 
 with the reply from the Grand Vizier ; and the 
 third "i^r^'w Viscount Pumicestone to H.E. Lord 
 Tapciuo7'm, at St. Petersburg','' with the reply from 
 the Russian Minister. 
 
 In the first " Lord Pumicestone " makes de-
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 mand for the suppression of polygamy in the Im- 
 perial Harem, the substitution of the Thirty-Nine 
 Articles and Catechism for the religion of Islam — 
 which " you will have the goodness to inform the 
 Grand Imaum is an exploded superstition. . . . 
 The Mollah of Exeter, an English Bishop, will go 
 
 
 l-. 
 
 out to conciliate the Turkish clergy, and will be 
 Patriarch of Constantinople." He also requires 
 tliat the Ambassador should " mention our desire 
 that the Turkish Government should establish Gas- 
 lamps, Trial by Jury, Weekly and Sunday News- 
 papers, Harvey Sauce, two legislative Chambers, 
 and the Ten Pound qualification for voting." The 
 Grand Vizier's reply is a good specimen of Thack- 
 eray's pretty taste in burlesque Oriental poetic ex- 
 pression. It begins: 
 
 " In the name of Allah ! The Grand Vizier has 
 
 236
 
 THE SULTAN'S GRATITUDE 
 
 received the chaplet of roses from the Paradise of 
 Downing Street, The eloquence of Pumicestone 
 sings out Hke a niglitingale from amongst the flow- 
 ers. It is sweet to hsten to his music. 
 
 " But the nightingale, though sweet, is melan- 
 choly; and who does not know that there are 
 thorns in roses? — they have been pricked the fin- 
 gers of the Grand Vizier. The notes of the 
 British bulbul have made the Padishah sad in 
 spirit. 
 
 "Why should he part with any of his wives.? 
 Let him who has too many sew them in a sack. 
 The children of the Father of the Faithful will not 
 be so costly to his country as are the many rose- 
 buds of the Joy-Gardens of Pimlico. 
 
 " The Exeter Mufti shall be welcome to the 
 holy men of Constantinople. If Pumicestone 
 Pasha will chanije his relifrion, the Grand Vizier 
 will be baptized. If the English MoUah is con- 
 stant why should the Turkish Imaum be a rene- 
 gade. Let them come and each have his say. If 
 they brawl and quarrel too much, let either be ac- 
 commodated with a bastinado. . . . 
 
 " Do we not also know how to suck eggs, O, 
 Ambassador? So write to Pumicestone Pasha, 
 and bid him to operate on his own henroosts, — 
 Kabob Pasha." 
 
 In the course of his despatch to Lord Tape- 
 worm, Lord Pumicestone savs : 
 
 "You will have the ooodness to communicate 
 to H. E. Count Grogenoef the opinions of this 
 
 237
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Government upon some late acts of Russian policy. 
 They by no means meet with the approval of Her 
 B. Majesty's advisers. 
 
 "The treatment of Poland can never be looked 
 upon by this country but with feelings of in- 
 dignation and pity. You will urge upon the 
 Councils of His Imperial Majesty, the instant 
 necessity of changing his method of administer- 
 ing the affairs of that unhappy portion of his 
 empire. . . . 
 
 " The cut of the Emperor's whiskers has been 
 viewed in this country with the deepest grief, . . . 
 
 "The usao^e of the knout is not viewed in this 
 country with pleasure ; nor the practice of eating 
 tallow-candles, in which some of the subjects of 
 H. I. M. fatally indulge. . . . 
 
 "The dinner-hour of the Court of St. Petersburg 
 might be advantageously changed ; the censorship 
 of the Press ought to be abolished ; the serfs 
 ought to be represented in Parliament; the fares 
 of droskies in St. Petersburg diminished. Gas 
 should be laid down in Siberia; the Empress's 
 maids-of-honour reduced in number; London 
 Porter, Missionary Meetings, New Policemen, and 
 Daily Papers, should be established in all the 
 principal towns of the Empire, and it is very de- 
 sirable that the middle-classes of St. Petersburg 
 and Moscow should eat shoulders of mutton and 
 baked potatoes on Sunday, instead of their 
 present unwholesome meal of fish-oil and hemp- 
 brandy." 
 
 238
 
 AND THE TSAR'S APPRECIATION 
 
 XCEEDING in courtesy 
 the genuine reply of the 
 S p a n i s li Cabinet, yet 
 hardly more emphatic in 
 its nature, the Russian 
 answer runs as follows: 
 
 " I have the honour to ac- 
 cuse the reception of Your 
 Excellency's letter, con- 
 taining the proposals 
 of His Excellency, 
 
 MiLOR PUMICESTONE, 
 
 for the better reo^u- 
 lation of this Empire. 
 
 " H. I, M. is profoundly touched by the interest 
 which H. E. designs to take in the affairs of 
 Russia, . . . 
 
 " H. I. M. hopes that the state of the country 
 will soon permit him to abolish the use of the 
 knout, and at the same time desires to know when 
 flogging will cease in the English Army? . . . 
 
 " H. M. will not enter into the other questions 
 which are touched upon in H. E. s agreeable let- 
 ter ; but H. M. cannot enter into reforms of his 
 own states at this moment, so deeply is he inter- 
 ested in the affairs of Ireland — which, before all 
 things, he wishes to see tranquil. As soon as that 
 country is quiet and industrious, His Majesty 
 pledges himself that he will withdraw his garri- 
 sons from Warsaw ; that he will grant a free press, 
 to preach rebellion and inculcate the murder of 
 
 239
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 the Government authorities. But, in the mean- 
 while, H. I. M. submits to Lord Pumicestone 
 that . . . even against English laws there are 
 some people who complain, and would rebel ; and 
 that H. I. M. feels himself strong enough for the 
 present to manage his own affairs, without the 
 oblicjinQ- interference of H. E. Viscount Pumice- 
 
 STONE." 
 
 One of the most personally interesting and val- 
 uable of all Thackeray's contributions to Punch is 
 that entitled "On the New Forward Movement" 
 (No. 358, p. 207) in which, in the course of its two 
 columns, the novelist sets forth what are obviously 
 his own views on the subject of the Crown. It is 
 true that R. H. Shepherd identified this piece as 
 the work of Thackeray; but in view of its peculiar 
 importance I quote from it here, in spite of my 
 self-imposed rule to deal with no such identified 
 contributions even though they be not reprinted. 
 The article, similar to one or two others of kindred 
 import, purports to be ''A Letter from our old friend, 
 Mr. Snob, to Mr. Joseph Hume." The latter Mem- 
 ber had been busy moving for Returns — an occu- 
 pation in which he persisted from Februar}^ 1848 
 until the same month of the following year. The 
 expense to the public incurred in satisfying these 
 Motions, it maybe mentioned parenthetically, was 
 very great — so much so that the subject formed 
 the topic of a Motion made, but ultimately with- 
 drawn, by Lord Drumlanrig in March, 1849. 
 
 Declaring his adhesion to the principles of Mr. 
 
 240
 
 THACKERAY A LOYAL CRITIC 
 
 Hume, and promising him his support in " any 
 peaceful and constitutional line of agitation," 
 Thackeray says : 
 
 " I can even go some length with Mr. Cobden in 
 his dangerous speech about the barbarous splen- 
 dour surrounding the Crown. It is not the money, 
 as some people object, so much as the sentiment. 
 It will make very little difference to any man in 
 England whether there is a silver stick or groom 
 of the dust-pan more or less in the service of the 
 Court, of which we all admire the modest English 
 merits. But there are barbarous splendours about 
 the precincts of Pimlico," [/>. Buckingham Palace] 
 " that are ridiculous and immoral, rather than cost- 
 ly, against which Mr. Cobden has a right to cry 
 out. Who could not name a score such ? 
 
 " It is very well for Lord John to cry out and 
 say that the British people love their Queen, that 
 they will not grudge her any of the state which 
 belongs to her dignit)', that she is a model of pri- 
 vate virtue, and that to meddle with her privileges 
 is to meddle with the Constitution. What is the 
 Constitution, my dear Sir, d'abord? If the Con- 
 stitution of to-day is the Constitution of the Prince 
 Regent's time, every gentleman connected with 
 this periodical would have passed twenty years in 
 gaol, as Mr. Leigh Hunt did. Good Laws! how 
 have we ridiculed a certain august hat, for instance ; 
 not because we are disloyal, but because the object 
 was laugh worthy. In Queen Anne's reign, we 
 should have had our ears cut off ; by Queen Eliza- 
 
 Q 241
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 BETH, we should have been hanged without any 
 mercy, and all under the exercise of the same Con- 
 stitution. The Constitution roasted us indiffer- 
 ently for being Catholics or Protestants. If the 
 Constitution is at the head of the nation, it is not 
 Britannia's helmet, as it were, but her hair: it re- 
 news itself perpetually: it is cut off and grows 
 again, and is curled in a thousand fashions — fash- 
 ions is the word — the Constitution is the political 
 fashion. The country may wear what she likes — 
 ringlets, or powder and a tail, or a Madonna ban- 
 deau, or a Brutus crop. 
 
 " And as for insinuating that a man is disre- 
 spectful to his Queen because he wishes to alter 
 some of the appurtenances of Royalty, I take the 
 liberty to deny that charge with indignation. For 
 instance, I love and respect my grandmother; but 
 suppose she took it into her head to walk in the 
 Park with a hoop and falbalas, and the second 
 head-dress above described, should we not have a 
 right to remonstrate with the venerable lady t 
 CoBDEN has a right to look at the Court and say 
 that many parts of it are barbarous and foolish. 
 Beef-eaters are barbarous. Court Circulars* are 
 
 * Thackeraj'', as has been seen, was never tired of ridiculing 
 the "Court Circular" of his day. His almost morbid hatred 
 of snobbery led him to consider and re-affirm it " barbarous 
 and absurd." In the light of this circumstance it is interest- 
 ing to recall the fact that one Thackeray — perhaps the author 
 of " L'Abbaye de Penmarch" (which some incompletely- in- 
 formed bibliographers have attributed to the novelist) — was 
 
 242
 
 THACKERAY AND COURT CIRCULARS 
 
 barbarous. Gentlemen-Pensioners are barbarous. 
 Jones with a black-satin baor croino: to Court with 
 his sword between his legs, is barbarous. My old 
 friend Jeames, with his stick and bouquet, is an 
 eminent and absurd barbarian. I hope to see them 
 all sacrificed. . . . 
 
 " It was exactly the argument pursued in France 
 
 twice prosecuted for libel in 1840, along with his partner Law- 
 son. The confusion is pardonable, for W. M. Thackeray is 
 known, according to Mr. Leslie Stephen, to have been editing 
 a paper in Paris in opposition to Galigiiani's Messenger in 1836, 
 and, about three years afterwards, to be writing for the latter 
 journal. Moreover, Lady Bulwer, who on the 17th and 22nd 
 ]\Iarch, 1840, recovered ^50 against the aforesaid publishers 
 of the "Court Circular" for having stated that she had con- 
 ducted herself offensively towards Sir Henry Bulwer at a ball 
 in Paris, sought also to bring an action against the same de- 
 fendants on the 23rd and 30th of the same month, before the 
 Tribunal of Correctional Police of Paris, when the defendants' 
 plea that the plaintiff's husband was not a consenting party 
 to the proceedings secured them a verdict on the technicality. 
 In the " Gazette des Tribunaux " there is nothing: to be found : 
 from Monsieur Bulot, the Procureur de la Re'publique, I learn 
 that the archives were all burnt in the troubles of 187 1 ; while 
 the ofificial journal does not give the initials of the defendants. 
 The matter is further complicated by the fact that Thackeray, 
 though always a sharp critic of Edward Bulwer Lytton (see 
 "The Author of Pelham," &c.), might well have sided — 
 or by Lady Bulwer have been thought to side — - with him, 
 as a man of letters, against the lady. More difficult still does 
 it become to ascertain the identity of Thackeray's double, 
 and, indeed, his triple, if we remember that when in 1849 his 
 death was falsely reported in Galignani he wrote to remind 
 Mrs. Brookfield that "two W. Thackeray's have died within 
 the past month." 
 
 243
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 by other little statesmen and ministers of a moral 
 monarch. ' Louis - Philippe is a model husband 
 and father; therefore don't let us have any more 
 reforms. Who dares say that this monarch does 
 not sympathise with the country, when it is known 
 that he takes tea and plays his rubber in the bosom 
 of his family like the simpliest bourgeois? What 
 can the people want with public meetings, when 
 the king sleeps on a straw mattress, and is a pat- 
 tern of domestic propriety ? Reforms, forsooth ! 
 Haven't we a Chamber, and an immense majority ?' 
 This was the argument up to the twenty-third day 
 of last February ; but it had ceased to be very co- 
 gent on the twenty-fifth, when majority, monarch, 
 and ministers had all disappeared from the scene. 
 
 " And this point being, rather brutally, disposed 
 of, there comes another argument, which people 
 are very fond of putting, and is used by your Con- 
 servatives and Whigs with a triumphant air. 'Yes; 
 they have got rid of their monarch and ministers,' 
 says Lord Johnny or Lord Tommy; ' but what have 
 they taken in exchange? ... A howling democ- 
 racy; and furious tyranny of 500,000 bayonets; a 
 ruined Exchequer; a national bankruptcy; a gen- 
 eral cessation of labour, and conspiracy to organ- 
 ise famine . . .' The meanino; of which is, that it is 
 better that a man should forego his undoubted 
 rights for the sake of peace and quiet, than that he 
 should bestir and endans^er himself to sfain them. 
 
 "But in this case Mr. Bancroft would never 
 
 have been here as American Minister, that is 
 
 244
 
 EVOLUTION OF THE CONSTITUTION" 
 
 clear; and the American Colonies would be still 
 paying their tax upon tea. We might still have 
 had Stewarts on the throne, chopping off heads 
 of Lord Russells for treason. The cause for 
 which Hampden and Sidney still occasionally per- 
 ish after dinner, in those weak assemblies where 
 the Whigs muster, was a rank rebellion ; and Mr. 
 Barry should design a Star Chamber in the new 
 Houses of Parliament, where the dandy dealers in 
 middle-age gimcracks were afraid to set up Crom- 
 well.* ... Of course, no revolution is good for 
 trade. . . . 
 
 " In a country where there is a Press, Railroads, 
 and Free Discussion, there is no need to fight at 
 all. There must be two parties to fight ; and the 
 weaker one, which would lose most by the bat- 
 tle too, never will. And they may talk of a good 
 cause as inspiriting a man to battle; but what can 
 be more inspiriting than to know not only that 
 your cause is good, but that your enemy is sure to 
 run away without fighting,'* 
 
 " It is to this I look, this which brings me with 
 ardour to your ranks, and this prophecy, which I 
 beseech you to remember in the hour of victory." 
 
 Thackeray's declaration of loyalty and his anxi- 
 ety for it to be known that the attacks which he 
 made on the Prince Consort (whom he greatly ad- 
 
 * Referring to the burning question, which had recently 
 been decided in the negative, "Should Cromwell have a 
 statue?" Just fifty years the Protector had to wait for that 
 decision to be revoked. 
 
 245
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 mired) imported neither disrespect nor blindness 
 to his noble qualities, were perhaps hastened by 
 Shirley Brooks's biting satire — "Our Flight with 
 Picnck'' published in T/ie Maji in the Moon in 
 November 1847. These verses, which afford per- 
 haps the chief claim to remembrance of that comic 
 miscellany, were a parody of a set of PitncJis own. 
 Brooks entertained at that time a reverence for 
 Thackeray as deep as his hatred of Douglas Jer- 
 rold ; but not always identifying the writings of 
 the former sometimes attributed them to the latter. 
 It was to Jerrold that he ascribed Punclis chaff of 
 the Royal Family when he wrote: 
 
 "We'll clear thy brain. Look westerly. See where yon 
 
 Palace stands; 
 Stains of the mud flung there by thee are on thy dirty 
 
 hands. 
 We will not brand thee Atheist — we know dread'st that 
 
 sting — 
 Yet, vaunting loud thy 'fear of God,' how honourest thou 
 
 the King? 
 
 *ji. i(, ji, ji, J/, 
 
 Tf" ^ ^ TV- "S" 
 
 Give us the truthful, social sketch, drawn with Titmarshian 
 
 skill, 
 With colour bright as Dickens's, and pencil keener still." 
 
 To the Spanish indiscretion Thackeray returns 
 in Number 363 (p. 257, June 24th) in the para- 
 graphs entitled "A Dilemma." Referring to what 
 he calls, curiously enough, " the ill-treatment which 
 Sir H. Bulwer experienced from the Spanish 
 
 Government," he pertinently asks whether the 
 
 246
 
 BRITISH AND SPANISH DIPLOMACY 
 
 rupture of diplomatic intercourse by a resident 
 English Minister is not likely to harm England 
 more than Spain; and if not, why "second-class 
 men" — by which he means Charges d'affaires — 
 may not always be employed, and money saved ? 
 "An answer, post paid, will oblige." But none 
 was forthcoming for many months — not for two 
 years, in this Spanish business, as has already 
 been set forth.
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 VOLUME XV. SECOND HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1S48 
 
 "The Hampstead Road: A Comedy in Four 
 Tableaux," is Thackeray's first unnoticed contri- 
 bution to Volume xv. It is signed "Spec," and 
 comprises four "social" cuts, more carefully drawn, 
 perhaps, than were the majority of the author's 
 sketches. 
 
 Here is another pretty example among many 
 of how little scenes in humble life would touch 
 the heart and arouse the sympathy of the ob- 
 servant man wdiom, even at the present day, 
 some persist in considering a Cynic. 
 
 The changes that were made in military uniforms 
 in the summer of 1848 were extremely unpopular, 
 not in the army only, but in the Press. The intro- 
 duction of a particular form of garment — the "shell 
 jacket" — gave particular offence to officers who, 
 either from stoutness or the reverse, vehemently 
 objected to the sacrifice of their tails and skirts. 
 In No. 369 Leech drew a cartoon of "The Tailor's 
 Goose — The Terror of the Army" bearing a flag 
 inscribed "Nothing but the Bill;" and Thackeray 
 contributed four drawings and text (p. 62), covering 
 
 248
 
 A SUBURBAN SKETCH 
 
 nearly two pages, under the heading of "Military 
 Correspondence." The letters addressed to Punch 
 by "Captain Heavysides," "Lieutenant Twenty- 
 
 "THE HAMPSTEAD ROAD 
 
 A Comedy in Four Tableaux. 
 TABLEAU I. 
 
 " The Magnolias," Mr. Smith's neat Cottage in 
 
 THE HAMPSTEAD ROAD. 
 
 Nttrse {behind the shrubbery) O you darling tootsy pootsy. 
 
 Baby Gllgrllwgllgrlluggle. 
 
 Nurse Baby see pooty fiowers ? 
 
 Clock {from cottage') Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. 
 
 249
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 TABLEAU II. 
 
 ■# 
 
 ^w/i";- Policeman X 21. 
 
 Clock goes on Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. 
 
 X 2\ (Whistles) Whew-e-00-0-00 ! 
 
 Nurse. Come and see pooty osses in the zoad, baby. 
 
 250
 
 "THE HAMPSTEAD ROAD" 
 
 TABLEAU III. 
 
 X 21. Well, I declare ! it's Miss Mary. 
 
 Nurse. Law ! Mr. I'leaceman ; who ever expected to see 
 
 you here ! 
 X 21. You do look so ... . 
 Baby. Googleglooggrr. 
 Mrs. Smith {from window). Well, if it isn't that good 
 
 for nothing hussy of a nurse speaking to the policeman. 
 Nurse. Lor, it's Missis ! \ 
 Baby. Gloogloogrl. > Ex 
 
 X 21. Blow her old hi's ! ) 
 
 251 
 
 etint omnes.
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 stone," and " Lieutenant Campbell Leppard," deal 
 with the matter with humour and vivacity. " Our 
 
 TABLEAU IV. 
 
 The Hall of Mr. Smith's Cottage. 
 
 Mrs. Smith. Get out, your imperence. Give me the 
 child; you polkite it, you vicious wretch, you do. 
 Take your wages and go. 
 
 Baby. Boo-ooo-ooo-wah-wah-wah. 
 
 Page {Snivels). 
 
 Mary{ivilk a last look at the child, exit). {^Exciint omnes. 
 
 Mary becomes Mrs. X 21 ; at first she often walks up 
 the Hampstead Road to look at the baby she has left. 
 Then she has domestic cares of her own, or will have ; 
 for the truth is, I only saw the first three Tableaux of 
 this comedy last Saturday as ever was. Spec. 
 
 Skirts," says the Captain, " are to be cut off, by an 
 insidious movement of a certain distinguished per-
 
 THE SHELL JACKET 
 
 sonage upon our rear. The decent undress blue 
 frock, which lent a grace to portliness, and a con- 
 cealment to obesity, is to 
 be discontinued, and we 
 are henceforth, when not 
 in full fig, to appear in 
 shell-jackets ! Do your 
 readers know what a 
 shell- jacket is ? It is a 
 scanty garment, barely 
 reaching the waist! The 
 humiliation it is calcu- 
 lated to produce among 
 officers like myself is in- 
 describable." " If it is 
 scarcely decent for the fat 
 fellows," deposes Camp- 
 bell Leppard, 'T know it 
 is very ridiculous for us 
 thin ones." But the bit- 
 ter cry was unavailing. 
 People became accustomed to the shell-jacket and 
 forgot to laugh at it ; but it is safe to say that no 
 foreigner ever beheld it for the first time without 
 wonder, without a joke, or a smile at its expense. 
 "Latest from the Continent " {No. 372, p. 87) 
 is a long letter from "Samuel Guttler Swilby" to 
 his father the Alderman, who has sent him travel- 
 ling with his tutor. It is an illiterate epistle, in 
 which a full and careful report is made of the food 
 and drink that young hopeful has indulged in; 
 
 253
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 neither he nor his mentor having eyes or thought 
 
 for aught else. 
 
 "This town ["Ostend"] is very ugly to look at, 
 
 but strongly fortafied, and has oysters all the year 
 
 round. Avinor to wait 
 for the train, I thought 
 our best amusement 
 would be to try a few 
 dozen of their famous 
 natives, which we did so. 
 But law bless you Pa, 
 there no such orreat 
 things after all. ... The 
 county all the way to 
 Brussells is as flat and 
 green as our billiard- 
 table at Camberwell — 
 the towns quite old and 
 ugly. They sell fruit 
 along the road ; we ad 
 some — plumbs sower, 
 cherries ditto, aypricots 
 so so, cost one frank. 
 At all the Stations they 
 
 were drinking beer which I had some, but o lor! 
 
 Pa! such sower stuff! Why they wouldn't drink 
 
 it in our servant's hall! . . . We were at a most 
 
 comfortable Inn, the Hotel de Paybaw* as it is 
 
 * Thackeray stayed here— the Hotel des Pays Bas, Spa- 
 in the earlier part of this same month of August, and wrote 
 thence one of his most charming letters to Mrs. Brookfield 
 
 254
 
 A CUTTING EPIGRAM 
 
 pronounced. I remarked the ladies at the table 
 d'hote used their knives to their vegetables and 
 things, and I like the practice very vmck. . . . 
 When we got on board took 
 coffy, and went and had a good 
 snooze in the cabbin again. 
 Didn't wake till ten, when, as 
 I heard, we had passed all the 
 pretty part of the Rhine, and it 
 couldn't be helped, (and as for 
 me, give me a good sleep before 
 all your lands/dps). We had 
 a meat and egg breakfast and 
 got to Mayence at one o'clock." 
 A fine epigram on Ledru- 
 RoUin — ^one of the members of 
 the Provisional Republican 
 Government on the abdication 
 and flight of Louis Philippe — 
 appears in the same number. 
 The announcement which af- 
 forded a text is this : " Ledru- , 
 
 (pubd. Smith, Elder & Co., 1887), in the course of which he 
 says : " I went to the table d' hbtc with perfect affability, just 
 like an ordinary person ; an ordinary person at the table d' Iibte, 
 mark the pleasantry." He speaks of the "good things, fif- 
 teen or sixteen too many," which were served, and of himself 
 giving in " at about the twenty-fifth dish," although a Flemish 
 lady, who used her knife for lobster salad, far out-stayed him. 
 It is obvious that "Latest from the Continent," was inspired 
 by this interesting invalid, as she proclaimed herself, "so weak 
 and delicate that she could not walk." No wonder. 
 
 255
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Rollin, defending his conduct in the Chamber of 
 Representatives, said, — ' Je monte sur le Calvaire, 
 pour saicver la Republique' " Thackeray, disgusted 
 at the sentiment, drew the following "Simile," as 
 the verse is entitled, which if not entirely original in 
 idea is as felicitous in expression as in application: 
 
 We read, Ledru, that there were three 
 Who perished upon Calvary. 
 The one — but stay, that Name Divine, 
 Thou woulds't not couple, sure, with thine ; 
 And convict knaves the other two — 
 Blasphemer, which of these are you ? 
 
 256 
 
 Two " Letters to a 
 Nobleman visiting Ire- 
 land" (in Nos. 373 and 
 374) have been noted by 
 Shepherd. It may be 
 mentioned, however, for 
 it is important in con- 
 nection with Thackeray's 
 attitude towards Irish- 
 men — that in the first of 
 these papers the author 
 comes back once more 
 to John O'Connell's in- 
 gratitude, which, since 
 the sturdy denunciation 
 of it to which atten- 
 tion has already been 
 drawn, had manifestly
 
 IRISH AMENITIES 
 
 been rankling in his breast. " I wish," he 
 sa3^s — 
 
 " I wish the Irishman every possible freedom 
 and prosperity. . . . Last year I gave him money 
 out of my pocket, and was cursed for my pains. I 
 will do so no more : never more. I prefer a quiet 
 life, and have my own kindred to help out of my 
 superfluity. . . . Why am I to keep an Irishman ? 
 He threatens me as he clutches my bread ; he hates 
 and insults me as I try to do him good. . . . There 
 is your Irishman as you have made him under 
 English laws, English landlords, English juries, 
 English press, English Parliaments. . . . Fancy 
 our persisting in governing Celts by Saxon laws, 
 and that horrible figure of Irish beggary and ruin 
 follows the march of our history into the future, 
 hangs on in piteous chains and rags, preventing 
 her progress — it is frightful to look at." 
 
 The second Letter to a Nobleman visiting Ire- 
 land is particularly interesting, as it shows Thack- 
 eray in the light not so much of a Repealer as 
 Home Ruler — not a Home Ruler from love of 
 justice, however, but from disgust; "The great 
 point now is," he says, "to begin granting money 
 as quickly as possible, so as to enable our friends 
 to carry on the year comfortably. . . . There's Tim 
 has not been able to earn anything in England 
 this harvest, being engaged in honour to stop at 
 home and liberate his country in the ' War.' There's 
 Pat has sunk all his capital in the purchase of a 
 ' dainty rifle.' . . . And while you are arranging 
 
 R 257
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 your plans for the relief of this fine peasantry, 
 which is now pretty quiet, being about to ask you 
 for money, you will remember that their beautiful 
 pikes, scythes, and dainty rifles. . , are all comfort- 
 ably hidden away. I say it behoves an English 
 statesman to remember that Paddy has a weapon 
 somewhere at hand, with which he proposes to 
 ' rise in the might of his freedom ' some day, or in 
 other words to cut your throat. . . . 
 
 " I don't say this is particularly blameworthy on 
 the part of our Irish brethren. I don't say that 
 they can do otherwise — miserable as they are, and 
 instructed as they have been — but that you are 
 bound to take account of it. . . . 
 
 " Why, sir, I say, are we to turn out and work 
 the pump for the Irish conflagration, and not allow 
 them [the orderly and sensible portion of the Irish] 
 to put out their own flames with their own buck- 
 ets.f* Why shouldn't the Irish have a Council 
 House or an Administrative Assembly of their 
 own ? You never condescend to give reasons or 
 entertain the question. And yet there are only 
 phrases against it. Mr. Canning says, ' Restore 
 the Heptarchy!' Mr. Macaulay says, 'Let the 
 whole Empire go down together, rather than a 
 separation ensue;' Mr. Carlyle says, 'The British 
 Lion will squelch the Irish Rat, but separation 
 must not be.' I hope to see a great party in Eng- 
 land before long, which shall sa)^ 'Why not.'*' At 
 any rate, that it shall be a question open to fair 
 
 debate ; and that, when our Irish friends bawl out 
 
 258
 
 SPYING UPON ROYALTY 
 
 'Repeal,' some people will answer, 'With all our 
 hearts!' from this country too. . . . We are tired of 
 your brawling, your bawding, your bullying, your 
 bragging, your begging. You stop our kindness 
 with your curses, our pit}- wnth your hideous men- 
 acing and boasting; you render our confidence 
 impossible W'ith your double dealing. ... I think 
 we should begin to show that we are in earnest, 
 and to prepare our Irish friends for the change 
 they look for, by stopping the subsidies which they 
 have been in the habit of drawing from this coun- 
 try. 
 
 Thackeray's further views upon this subject will 
 be referred to wdien the remaining letters over the 
 same signature, " Hibernis Hibernior," are reached. 
 
 Ptuich had for years before enveighed against 
 the impertinent intrusion upon the Queen in her 
 family life by inquisitive journalists — men who 
 sought to collect "Court new's " by backstairs and 
 still less reputable means. Against such spy- 
 journalism Gillray and Cruikshank had protested 
 in earlier days. On the occasion of the Queen's 
 first visit to Balmoral the nuisance became almost 
 a scandal, and Leech, among others, drew ironical 
 attention to it. In Number 376 (Sept. 23, 1848) 
 appears his Cartoon representing a Paul Pry re- 
 porter-artist at the key-hole — under the heading of 
 "Gross Outrage: or, Paul Pry in the Highlands, 
 making a sketch, &c.," while the accompanying 
 text, " by our own Halfpenny-a-liner " purports to 
 
 be cut short by the scandalized and indignant 
 
 259
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Editor, who declares himself " so disgusted by the 
 vulgar and inquisitive intrusion upon the pleasure 
 and amusement of Royalty, that we omit the re- 
 mainder of his account." It must be admitted, 
 however, that the report, read in the light of mod- 
 ern journalism, appears neither vulgar nor imper- 
 tinent. 
 
 Now, Thackeray had gone through this phase 
 of indignation before, and had, as we have seen, 
 denounced the " Court Circular " itself, official 
 though it was, as a barbarity. 
 
 HEN, however, the Globe 
 expressed its horror at 
 the announcement of the 
 imminent publication of 
 a paper to be called the 
 - ''Balmoral Gazette'''' 
 (adopted as the title of 
 this article) — a journal 
 to be devoted to follow- 
 ing the movements of 
 Her Majesty, with de- 
 scriptions of the places she would visit — Thack- 
 eray took another view and denounced a protest 
 which appeared to him to savour of cant (i6 Sept. 
 1848, p. 119). If the Court Circular may be pub- 
 lished with all its minor details when the Court is 
 in London, why is the same thing gross and out- 
 rageous when the venue is changed to Scotland .f* 
 
 " In fact," he says, " we have been for all our lives 
 
 260
 
 THE COURT CIRCULAR DEFENDED 
 
 SO accustomed to read a Court Circular every 
 morning for breakfast, that we can't do without it 
 now: and it is absolutely as necessary to us to 
 know what Prince Alfred did yesterday, and 
 whether the Princess Alice rode out in a pony 
 chaise, as it is to know the price of the Funds, or 
 who spoke in Parliament, and what was the divi- 
 sion. . . . 
 
 " Loyal subjects rally in spirit. If the Court 
 were up a tree, as in Charles ITs time, everybody 
 would like to be informed of its sylvan retreat, and 
 a Court newsman should be perched on the bough 
 somewhere, to scribble down the occupation of the 
 Sovereign and the other branches of the Royal 
 Family. 
 
 " Now the Globe newspaper is an excellent print, 
 and always remarkable for its loyalty : whereas a 
 very contrary charge has been whispered (by 
 calumniators) against this present journal, which 
 they have accused of turning august things into 
 ridicule, and speaking disrespectfully of regal in- 
 stitutions, beef-eaters, gold-sticks, and what not." 
 
 The Globe had, in a sudden fit of levity, re- 
 marked upon the im- or Balmorality of the paper 
 announced by one who called himself "a Highland 
 Litterateurr " To hold him up to ridicule," pro- 
 ceeds Thackeray, " because he intrudes upon 
 ' illustrious privacy ' at Balmoral is a monstrous 
 instance of envious persecution. Why are we 
 not to know what Her Majesty and Prince 
 
 Albert do at Balmoral as well as at Windsor.? 
 
 261
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 . . . We want to know, for our parts, what our 
 
 Princes and our Sovereigns do. We are not like 
 
 other people in Europe (who, very likely from 
 
 having no Court Circular, have been taking sad 
 
 liberties with their monarchs) ; we are accustomed 
 
 to know the Royal where and whatabouts. Why, 
 
 we spend eighteen thousand a-year in mere salutes 
 
 and gunpowder for the Royal Family; and what is 
 
 a salvo of twenty-one guns from all round a fleet 
 
 but an immense roaring Court Ctrctilar ? ... If 
 
 it was not good for us, it would not be told to us. 
 
 If the Sovereign did not think fit to graciously 
 
 authorise the publication of the account of the 
 
 royal venerated movements, we should never know 
 
 them at all. Jones has lived next to us for twenty 
 
 years, for instance, and we have not the slightest 
 
 notion when he goes out or comes in. . . . But 
 
 about Royalty it is different. It is beneficial for 
 
 us to know, therefore we know. 
 
 " We say to the Highland Litterateur, ' Go on 
 
 and prosper, my boy. Never mind the Globe . . . 
 
 You are doing your duty to us and the Sovereign, 
 
 and a little abuse need not deter you.' What ? 
 
 Squeamish about disturbing illustrious privacy at 
 
 Balmoral! Highty-tighty! Afr. Globe — are you to 
 
 have it all your own way in the Strand ? You 
 
 take your fill of it. You are loyal enough. So 
 
 are we all — all loyal hearts — gallant, freeborn 
 
 souls, o . . For shame, Globy ! for shame !" It 
 
 apparently did not occur to the writer at this 
 
 moment how much the life of George IV might 
 
 262
 
 AN ECCENTRIC CHARITY 
 
 have been modified had all his goings and com- 
 ings been fully and truthfully recorded by the 
 journalists, as well as picturesquely by the cari- 
 caturists, of that day. 
 
 Nearly a page is devoted in Number 376 to a 
 paper entitled " Sanitarianism and Insanitarian- 
 ism." The campaign which had been vigorously 
 carried on at the time with no little success 
 aeainst the abominable condition of Smithfield, 
 the Serpentine, and the Thames itself, had borne 
 the usual fruit. Sanitation was in the air — it 
 had taken hold of society, and poison, adultera- 
 tion, and death were imagined in every quarter 
 and in every article of consumption. In a letter 
 headed " Poison ! Poison ! Poison !" Thackeray 
 professes to give an example of what the out- 
 come might be of so widely discussed and dis- 
 turbing a craze. This, as the punning title sug- 
 gests, is supposed to be written by a person 
 whose mind has been turned and who meditates 
 suicide, under the intolerable croaking of the 
 alarmists. It is not lively reading ; it is, in fact, 
 strained and painful, and hardly humorous, but it 
 is useful in reminding us of the mischievous char- 
 acter of these intermittent scares. 
 
 In the following number {2,71^ PP- HS ^^^ 
 145), Thackeray warmly attacked a movement to 
 which in a moment of misguided philanthropy 
 Lord Ashley, afterwards Lord Shaftesbury, had 
 given countenance. This plan, although more 
 
 or less embryonic, or at least, unorganised, was 
 
 263
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 unhesitatingly denounced by most practical peo- 
 ple ; for, devised by charitable persons who felt 
 pity for out -o'- works, it helped them to emi- 
 grate without sufficient inquiry having been 
 made into their character, their antecedents, and 
 especially their state, whether married or single. 
 The discovery of the abuse to which such a move- 
 ment was liable, and, indeed, to which it had al- 
 ready given rise, awakened Thackeray's anger. 
 " Hemigration made Heasy: To Lord Hashley" is 
 the heading of a letter supposed to have been in- 
 dited by a Cabman signing himself " Ninethow- 
 sndninunderdanninetynine," and dated from " The 
 Cabbys Hinstatute, Blue Postes." This worthy 
 has been looking over the Times, he says, and 
 finds " that 2 wimming have come up Before Mr. 
 Harnold, the Wushup Street Beak (whomb I ope 
 he is quite well and know very hintimit) quarrelen 
 quite outragus (as there is no satisfyink some of 
 em) about their usbands hemmygrating without 
 them. Has I thought it mite interest I prigd the 
 hextrack out of the paper, and send you the sam." 
 Then follows the gist of the evidence as related 
 in the Times report, from which it appears that a 
 subscription was started at a meeting by Lord 
 Ashley and others — " to send out a number of re- 
 formed and repentant thieves and criminals, and 
 that both of the brothers Lofinck had represented 
 themselves as convicted felons, and, therefore, 
 qualified as the objects intended at the meeti?ig. 
 
 Numbers of such characters had waited upon 
 
 264
 
 AN ECCENTRIC CHARITY 
 
 him." This was the evidence of Mr. Jackson, the 
 "Manager," whose explanation failed to satisfy his 
 hearers that the scheme provided adequate protec- 
 tion to the wives and children of the assisted 
 criminals who, in fact, simply deserted their fami- 
 lies. Indeed, it was stated in court that the said 
 manager had assured the woman, whose applica- 
 tion to the magistrate had brought the whole 
 matter before the public, "that rather than thwart 
 her husbands prospects it would be much better 
 for her and the child to enter the workhouse." In- 
 deed, "her husband had now gone off to America 
 in an emigrant ship called the Victoria, leaving 
 his family entirely destitute;" while, in the words 
 of the Cabman — "the other woman's husband 
 went off without so much as with your leaf, or 
 by your leaf." Mr. Jackson's inquiries into these 
 men's past was proved to have been extremely 
 summary ; in fact, he judged by what the men told 
 him, and instead of their being " thieves and felons 
 of seven, eight, or ten years' standing, and re- 
 peatedly convicted," and so qualified claimants 
 upon the sympathy, charity, and patronage of him- 
 self and his employers, one of them, at least, was 
 merely an honest shoemaker with a desire for a 
 change. Mr. Jackson explained that his judgment 
 in these matters seemed to him "satisfactory." 
 
 "Satisfactory — werry as far as it goes," says 
 Thackeray's Cabby. " But please let it be hall ex- 
 plained — for I think I'd like to take advantidge of 
 
 this hadmarable charaty. I ham myself in the 
 
 265
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 cab line, No. 9999 by name, my life is ard, my 
 work arder still, my wife scolds like a wixen, and 
 my children heats like hoguers. Will it be neces- 
 sary for me to commit a bugglary before I awail 
 myself of the charaty, or will larsny du, or 3 weeks 
 which I ad for hovercharging a passinger and itt- 
 ing him hafterwoods about the Ed? Robbery I 
 never yet dun — to ouse breaking I'm awuss ; but 
 hif by a little on it I can git rid of my Missus 
 and famly, and make myself comftable for life, 
 present best compts to your Lordship, and saye 
 Hime your Mann, and your Lordship's grateful 
 Servant." 
 
 This comment was thrust home by the other 
 reference : — 
 
 "EMIGRATION TO AMERICA. 
 
 " Under the patronage of Lord Ashley, and many other 
 influential persons. — See Times Report. 
 
 " Parties having wives and families to desert, 
 are provided with a free passage to America, and 
 every comfort, on application to Mr. Stigson, 
 Scotch Ragged Schools, Minories. 
 
 " Honest men cannot be received, as this enter- 
 prise is only for the benefit of thieves and felons. 
 Every attention paid to Burglars, and gentlemen 
 already returned from the hulks. A fine opening 
 for a few experienced cracksmen." It need hard- 
 ly be pointed out that the name of " Stigson" is a 
 
 compound of Jackson and "Stiggins" — the latter 
 
 266
 
 A DISMAL PAPER 
 
 a character whom Punch has ever held in abhor- 
 rence and disgust. 
 
 The disturbed state of public affairs in Europe 
 was fruitful of despondency and pessimism in most 
 thoughtful minds, and depressed Thackeray not 
 a little. There is a note of intense seriousness, of 
 unusual gravity, about his comment on the gen- 
 eral discontent, everywhere apparent, which he 
 published in the same number (p. 144), under the 
 title of — " Is there anything in the Paper?" The 
 particular Paper was the Times, and the particular 
 issue that of the 23rd September 184S; and the 
 gloomy forebodings it awakened occupied, along 
 with a cut (see next page), a whole page of Punch. 
 
 "Whither are we marching .r*" he asks. "Where- 
 abouts are we now, and when are we ofoins: to 
 stop? What is France, Germany, our dear little 
 England, and all Europe about? And what is the 
 Future preparing? What is to come of the insti- 
 tutions, faiths, ranks, honours, truths of the Old 
 World; and are we coming to general smash? Is 
 the system by which the Past went on, found so 
 incompetent to govern the Present, that we are 
 going to repeal and abolish it utterly? If yester- 
 day is all a doubt and an error, what a bewilder- 
 ment to - day is, and what an awful perplexity 
 to-morrow! Is it not time to think of emigrating 
 to the United States, where some order is still 
 left, or of retiring to the North Pole or the Desert, 
 for quiet?" 
 
 The writer is supposed to be making these re- 
 
 267
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 flections in a railway carriage, dismayed by the 
 sheet in his hands, when the lady sitting opposite, 
 with whom he " had some trifling acquaintance," 
 aghast at his haggard countenance and the wild- 
 ness of his eyes, anxiously inquires — "Is there 
 anything in the paper. Sir?" 
 
 "Anything in the paper!" echoes the writer. 
 "All the world is in the paper. This express train 
 travels fast, but the world travels faster. Why, 
 Madam, if you will but read what is written in 
 the Times of this very day, it is enough for a year's 
 history, and ten times as much meditation. If we 
 have such a Times every day, life wouldn't bear it. 
 How can we follow and remember such changes } 
 The whole of Europe sends news, and every state 
 is in revolution. States — we can't call them states 
 any more: nothing is stable; it is overthrow after 
 overthrow, a succession of convulsions. It is 
 struggle, battle, barricade, murder, conspiracy, 
 abortive or active everywhere." 
 
 Then he proceeds to give a picture of the 
 seething discontent that was finding outlet in ef- 
 fervescence in nearly every country of Europe — 
 how complete the disturbance-map of that period 
 which was published not long since well illus- 
 trated. In Frankfort, in Spain, in Paris, in Peters- 
 burg, in Sicily, in England, in Ireland, in London, 
 there is violence, and Thackeray sketches all the 
 upheavals or attempted upheavals, with masterly 
 brevity. On the London "conspiracy," the activ- 
 ity of a violently frothy band, he dwells at great- 
 
 268
 
 FROTHY DISCONTENT 
 
 CITIZENS! 
 
 er length; for the murderous programme, inept 
 though it was, shocked him the more by the cold- 
 blooded proposals adopted in it by its Irish ad- 
 herents and allies. Luckily, the seizure of Rose's 
 papers by the police (who 
 were to be the chief, or 
 at least the first, victims 
 of the uprising) disclosed 
 the intentions of the con- 
 spirators. " Yes, it was 
 all up with them; but it 
 might have been all up 
 with us, but for the Gov- 
 ernment and its myrmi- 
 dons. These gallant 
 Clubs, those true-hearted 
 patriots, those dear, good, 
 kind Irishmen, whom, as 
 we know them better, we 
 should learn to love and 
 bless more and more, 
 would have peppered us 
 with fire-balls, burnt our 
 shops and houses about 
 our ears, butchered our 
 police, and set up a re- 
 publican form of government. All this is in 
 the paper, Ma'am," I said. 
 
 '"And anything morcf*' asked the opposite. 
 
 '"Yes, indeed, — one thing more:'" continues 
 
 Thackeray with a strain of infinite pity and regret 
 
 269
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 for the loss of Lord George Bentinck who, two 
 days before, had been found dead from a spasmod- 
 ical attack in one of the Welbeck Parks, when on 
 his way to visit Lord Manvers. " ' There is the 
 history of a nobleman cut off in the vigour of his 
 life, powers, and fame — of one who had a great 
 name yesterday, and was the chivalrous leader of a 
 great English party. All the broils and battles of 
 the Session were over; the triumphs, the turmoil, 
 the excitement of attack, the cheers of friends, the 
 discomfiture of enemies; a truce was sounded, and 
 he was taking his rest after his labour. We were 
 caricaturing him but yesterday, and his manly 
 nature was the first to join in the good-natured 
 laugh : to-day, and all is over, and he is to laugh, 
 and cheer, and battle no more. No more jovial 
 sounds of hound and horn for him; no more 
 shouting on the course as the race passes by like 
 a storm; no more cheering of companions in the 
 House of Commons: in the midst of life, strength, 
 and triumph almost, lo, the end comes, and the 
 Loyal George goes down. 
 
 '"The next day there appears that fatal notice 
 in the Times — that column of inevitable history. 
 Is it not awful to think of that necographer who 
 sits in some crypt in the Times office, and who, as 
 sure as you die, will have your history in print! 
 What will the sunrise be to you then, or the fame 
 of a newspaper, or all the fights, revolutions, and 
 conspiracies of all this struggling world. 
 
 " ' 1 think here is quite enough, then, in the 
 
 270
 
 "HIBERNIS HIBERNIOR" 
 
 Tijnes paper of the 23rcl. Besides, there are the 
 advertisements and the Court Circular.' " 
 
 At this point (No. 377) my documentary author- 
 ity as to Thackeray's authorship of the articles, 
 poems, and illustrations, here dealt with, comes to 
 an end. But there follow other pieces as to which 
 one may express absolute certainty, moral, if not 
 documentary. Such a piece is that entitled 
 " Traitors to the British Government " (No. 384, 
 p. 218, 18 Nov. 1848) which, continuing the sub- 
 ject of the " Letters to a Nobleman visiting Ire- 
 land," in the same vein and the same manner, is 
 signed like them, " Hibernis Hibernior." This 
 article, together with a later one, has, curiously 
 enough, escaped the attention of all previous com- 
 mentators. 
 
 " Before quitting his beloved Ireland," writes 
 Thackeray, " Mr. Magee* did his best to plunge 
 her in anarchy, ruin, and murder. It was not his 
 fault if a bloody Government thwarted his designs 
 and those of the great men with whom he acted. 
 . . . Gentlemen interested in murder and rebellion, 
 may inspect, at Mr. Magee's offices, the beautiful- 
 ly bloody and authentic plans ordained for the late 
 revolution. ... As the people are starving, as usual, 
 and the begging season is to be uncommonly well 
 attended, Mr. Magee begs to warn the people of 
 
 * An Irishman resident in America. Thackeray takes as 
 his text a letter addressed by Mr. Magee to a New York paper. 
 
 271
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 England, that the two strongest feelings of 
 THE Irish, are hatred to England, and a san- 
 guine HOPE OF Ireland. 
 
 " This will be sure to make the English people 
 more willing to help their Irish brethren. The 
 dignity of the latter is preserved, while their desti- 
 tution is made known. ' D — n you, I hate you !' 
 says poor, prostrate, bleeding, but honest Ireland ; 
 ' but give me some money for all that.' " 
 
 Then follows Thackeray's remedy : " If there 
 ever was a moral pointed to a story, there is one 
 to the amiable tale of Mr. Magee, and that is — 
 PAY THE CLERGY. What force of police- 
 men in green coats have you in Ireland ? What 
 horse and foot artillery, and what do they cost } 
 Will it be worth your while to have 3000 black 
 policemen — the best soothers, detectives, preven- 
 tives in the world .? From the very indignation of 
 the Roman bishops against the scheme of pay- 
 ment, why, the Empire should seethe goodness of 
 the scheme. Give these 3000 clergymen a stake, 
 not in Ireland merely, but in the Empire, and will 
 they be less averse to rebellion and its conse- 
 quences, than now? Protestant landlords of Ire- 
 land, combine together, and pay your best friends, 
 the Catholic Clergy ; I say that Lord Cardigan, 
 and all his hussars, will not keep the country so 
 well as those 3000 scattered black horsemen who 
 would garrison every village in Ireland for the 
 Queen ; and to well-meaning persons in this coun- 
 try, who cry out against the wickedness of endow- 
 
 272
 
 "A SIDE-BOX TALK" 
 
 ROGUY AND POGUY, 
 
 Roguy. "See that Girl looking at me, Poguy?" 
 Pogtiy. " Don't I ? I declare she can't keep her 
 
 EYES OFF YOU." 
 
 Roguy. "What Women care for, Poguy, my boy, 
 IS NOT Features, but Expression." [He pokes Poguy 
 in the waistcoat. 
 
 s 273
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ing Popery, I humbly point Mr. PnncJis attention, 
 begging him to ask them whether they prefer an 
 immense costly army in Ireland, and hatred there- 
 with, to the maintenance of a small ecclesiastical 
 force, which would do ten times the service at a 
 tithe of the present charge ?" 
 
 On the same page appears " A Side-Box Talk," 
 here reproduced. The villainous, ogre-like face of 
 " Roguy" was one of Thackeray's favourite types. 
 He used it — as is mentioned in the Preface — in 
 the drawing which Mrs. Richmond Ritchie has 
 given in the Bibliographical Edition of " Contri- 
 butions to Punch " under the title of " Bucks " 
 (p. XXX.) ; and in other places, notably in the illus- 
 tration to "Theatrical Astronomy. Sudden Ap- 
 pearance of a Star," by Gilbert a Beckett — in 
 which the figure also appears in an opera-box. 
 
 VOLUME XIX. SECOND HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1850 
 
 Towards the close of 1850, when the nation was 
 convulsed by the terms of the Papal Brief, consti- 
 tuting a Roman Catholic hierarchy in England 
 and Wales, Lord John Russell led the cry against 
 the " Papal Aggression," until his sudden with- 
 drawal of the Bill he had introduced gave John 
 Leech the opportunity for his famous "No Po- 
 pery" cartoon. Thackeray took his share in a 
 controversy in which Ptinch played no inconsider- 
 able part. 
 
 He first sought to remind his readers of the 
 
 274
 
 "THE HISTORY OF CASHMERE" 
 
 struggle whereby the Reformation was brought 
 about and the Church of England was estab- 
 lished; but as direct appeal and entirely serious 
 discussion were foreign to PuncJis role, he adopt- 
 ed a favourite device of settinor forth his arsfument 
 in mock- Oriental garb. It was thus that Thack- 
 eray came to write the following historical chapter 
 of our land of "Cashmere," with its comparison of 
 the strife of Henry the Eighth's reign with that of 
 "the magnificent Empress Kohinur": — 
 
 "FRAGMENTS FROM THE HISTORY OF CASHMERE. 
 
 BY THE ARABIAN HISTORIAN KARAGOOZ. 
 Chap. 222. 
 
 " The beautiful kingdom of Cashmere was, it 
 is very well known, governed by the magnificent 
 Empress Kohinur, a sovereign so renowned for 
 beauty, virtue, and an heroic disposition, that all 
 the kings of the earth paid court to her, and her 
 banner was respected wherever it was beheld. 
 She gave her empire in charge to Viziers of great 
 fame. Russool Jehaun, a statesman, matchless 
 for wisdom, was the President of her Divan, and 
 administered the interior affairs of the Empire ; 
 while the foreign relations of Cashmere were up- 
 held, and her enemies made to tremble by the wis- 
 dom and valour of the undaunted Pulmerstoon. 
 By the Cashmerian laws, the husband of the Em- 
 press is forbidden to take a part in political mat- 
 
 275
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ters: that Prince, therefore, passed his time in the 
 chase, or in the pursuits of literature, and exer- 
 cised his genius in beautifying the city of Lun- 
 doon. It is to him that the Lundoonees owed the 
 beautiful turban which they wore for many ages; 
 and it was he who, with the aid of two genii, 
 Packistuan and Foox, raised up in a single night 
 that extraordinary palace of crystal, which brought 
 all the people of the earth to visit Lundoon, — and 
 made it the eighth wonder of the world. 
 
 " The kingdom of Cashmere was peaceful and 
 happy: the ports were full of ships; the bazaars 
 were thronged with merchants and goods; the 
 roads were covered from one end of the empire to 
 the other, with people travelling in security; the 
 Cadis did their duty ; — in a word, Lundoon was 
 the greatest city, Cashmere the noblest empire, 
 and KoHiNUR the happiest sovereign in the world 
 but for one drawback — the constant rows of the 
 Mollahs, who were perpetually quarrelling among 
 themselves. 
 
 "It is known that for a long time the Cashmer- 
 ians were followers of Omar, the successor of 
 the Prophet; and that the Chief Imaum of Mecca 
 had the appointment of the Chief Mollahs of 
 Cashmere during many ages. The Cashmerian 
 Sovereigns, jealous of their independence, had 
 always done their utmost against that arrange- 
 ment which made their country a sort of spiritual 
 dependency upon the Holy City of Arabia; and 
 
 the pretensions and quarrels consequent upon 
 
 276
 
 THE KINGS OF CASHMERE 
 
 this assumption, kept the Cashmerians in con- 
 stant trouble and hot water. The country swarm- 
 ed with Dervishes from Mecca ; Arabian zealots 
 came and took possession of the Cashmerian 
 Mosques, and preached to the people in a lan- 
 guage they could not understand ; the boldest of 
 them called upon the Sovereigns of Cashmere 
 themselves to pay homage to the Chief Imaum of 
 Mecca for their thrones : for they said that the 
 Hiorh Priest of Mecca was the Viceo^erent of the 
 Prophet, that the Prophet had given him power 
 over all thrones and kingdoms, and woe betide 
 those monarchs who disobeyed him. When one 
 of their Mollahs, by name Thamaz ul Bukeet, was 
 murdered by one of the Kings of Cashmere, they 
 made him go on his bare knees to the slaughtered 
 saint's tomb ; they declared that miracles were 
 worked there : that the sick were cured, the wick- 
 ed made sure of Paradise, that the statues round 
 the tomb wagged their heads and talked, that the 
 pictures winked — who shall say what other won- 
 ders were performed ? — I have read them in the 
 Ancient Historians — round the tomb of Thamaz! 
 Who shall believe the stories } Let him do so 
 who will. 
 
 " After some thousands of years, and when not 
 only the people of Cashmeria, but those of many 
 other countries, began to doubt about the sover- 
 eignty which the High Priest of Mecca claimed, 
 and to declare that not only Omar, but that Ali, 
 
 but that Hassan and Hoossein, but that other 
 
 277
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 good men could interpret the Koran for them- 
 selves; and that the claims of the Imaum of 
 Mecca were, in a word, all bosh, and that he was 
 a priest and a man, like another: it chanced that 
 there ruled a king in Cashmere, who was called 
 King Sulymaun the Eighth. And he wished to 
 put away an old wife of whom he was tired, (her 
 name was Aragoon), and to marry a beautiful 
 young houri who was called the Peri Anabulane. 
 
 " The Imaum of Mecca would not dissolve the 
 marriage between King Sulymaun the Eighth 
 and poor old Aragoon, and threatened him with 
 curses if he divorced her. But the viziers and 
 nobles of Cashmere, who trembled before King 
 Sulymaun, a magnificent prince, who made noth- 
 ing of cutting their heads off, said the king might 
 marry his new wife ; accordingly he did so, snap- 
 ping his fingers at the beard of the Imaum of 
 Mecca, who had complimented him upon his re- 
 ligious principles a short time before, and sent him 
 a robe of honour, with the title of Defender of the 
 Faithful. 
 
 " The king was in such a rage at the Imaum's 
 curses, that he caused a proclamation to be made 
 all through his empire that he, Sulymaun the 
 Eighth, was supreme in his own dominions, Vice- 
 gerent of the Prophet, and Defender and Com- 
 mander of the Faithful ; that the name of the 
 Imaum of Mecca should never more be heard in 
 any house or mosque in Cashmere ; that any man 
 
 who denied that he, Sulymaun, was the Chief of 
 
 278
 
 KING SULYMAUN AND THE IMAUM 
 
 the Faith, should have his head cut off, his tongue 
 cut out, his body chopped in quarters, and his 
 goods confiscated. And he seized upon all the 
 mosques, caravanserais, hospitals, houses, belong- 
 ing to the old ]\Ieccaites (who were grasping and 
 greedy, but withal good to the poor), and partition- 
 ed them amongst his lords and viziers, who made 
 no bones about accepting the plunder. 
 
 " As for the Cashmerians, it mattered little to 
 most of them : they were as glad that the King 
 at Lundoon should be styled Vicegerent of the 
 Prophet, as that the Imaum of Mecca should hold 
 that title: they did not like that their king (for 
 they are the vainest people in the world) should 
 be doing homage to any other potentate in Mecca, 
 Medina, Constantinople, Abyssinia, Jericho, or any 
 other country. And they fell into the new order 
 of things without difficulty, excepting some few 
 rebels and obstinate, who were hanged, drawn, and 
 quartered accordingly. For in these good old 
 times, when Faith was stronger among us than it 
 is now, everybody cut everybody else's head off : 
 thinking rightly that it was better to stop an un- 
 believer's tongue, than let it wag to the detriment 
 of religion, and the perversion of simple persons 
 from the truth. 
 
 " Before he died, Sulymaun the Eighth cut off 
 Anabulane's head too, and married somebody 
 else. And his son, and then his daughter, reigned 
 after him in Cashmere. 
 
 " The king's son was but very young, and did 
 
 279
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 not reign very long over Cashmere. And all the 
 time of his reign, his sister Mariam, who was daugh- 
 ter of poor old Queen Aragoon, kept her mother's 
 faith very stoutly, and gave up her whole heart to 
 the Imaum of Mecca. So that when the voune 
 Prince, whose subjects loved him very much, died, 
 and the Queen Mariam succeeded, everybody 
 knew that Mecca was to be in the ascendant once 
 more ; and the Meccaite priests, dervishes, mol- 
 lahs, and imaums came swarming back into Cash- 
 mere again, and the mosques were handed over to 
 them ; and the late king's mollahs and ulemas 
 began to see that the time for eating dirt had ar- 
 rived." 
 
 But Thackeray was as ever on the side of com- 
 mon-sense and of the true Liberalism of the day, 
 and in " Domestic Scenes — Served with a Writ " 
 (which I believe to be by him — p. 243, Vol. xix., 
 14 December 1850) he spoke with clearness and, 
 considering the passionate excitement of the time, 
 with remarkable moderation. "Cardinal Wise- 
 boy " is supposed to have called upon Mr. Punch 
 to present him with a writ and is thereupon 
 threatened by Toby. Pitnch first remonstrates 
 with the dog, and then continues: 
 
 " Now, listen to me, Toby, my dog. You were 
 going just now to bite the calves of that gentle- 
 man in the red legs, and very good calves they 
 are. — But you must not bite, Toby, though I give 
 you hearty leave to growl a little. You see he 
 
 comes here neither with my leave nor by my leave : 
 
 280
 
 THACKERAY ON RELIGIOUS LIBERTY 
 
 announces himself as spiritual pastor and master 
 of my country, and produces his commission to 
 govern over us, signed by the Pope of Rome. 
 Now, my dear Toby, I care just as much about the 
 Pope of Rome as I do about the Mufti of Ispahan ; 
 and my desire for a quiet life is such, that if the 
 latter were to come to this country and build him- 
 self a mosque and minaret, and bawl out thence 
 that there was no Prophet but Mahomet, and that 
 he the Mufti was the Mufti of all England, and 
 his mosque the only place where a man could say 
 his prayers with any advantage, I would let the 
 Mufti speak ; making, when need was, a strong 
 protest against his bawling, and stating now and 
 then, with all my heart and conscience, that I 
 didn't believe a word of it. 
 
 " But I'll have no persecution ; Toby. I say, 
 keep your teeth out of the Cardinal's legs. . . . 
 He has as o^ood a ris^ht to his crimson as a Quaker 
 has to drab, and must have free leave to set up 
 his pulpit, as you and I have to act in our booth. 
 Do him no harm. When those Irishmen battered, 
 and half or quite killed the poor policeman the 
 other day, do you think they advanced their re- 
 ligion by the assault ? No, nor can we by expug- 
 nation or persecution hope to make converts to 
 ours. The railroad, the newspaper, free thought, 
 and free discussion, all of which privileges we have 
 won in spite of my Lord Cardinal's petticoats, we 
 intend to keep ; and when he brags about the 
 
 progress of his Church, we'll say to him, ' See, Sir, 
 
 281
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 how freedom grows ! That flourishes and in- 
 creases for all you can do : that will have books 
 for all your Index Expurgatorios. Why, you 
 cursed and excommunicated England once — but 
 the sun shone on it the next day all t\ie same : and 
 the Armada went down : and the island grew, and 
 continues to grow, in Strength, and Truth, and 
 Freedom. God Save the Oueen !" 
 
 Sentiment and manner are entirely character- 
 istic, and the matter is so clearly marked with 
 Thackeray's individuality of thought and expres- 
 sion that it is included here.
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 VOLUME XX. FIRST HALF-YEARLY VOLUME, 1851 
 
 The " Papal Aggression" excitement lasted well 
 through the year, and Thackeray set himself to show 
 that all of it was not disinterested, nor everywhere 
 popular — at least in the lower strata of society. 
 He drew two "socials" satirising "The Excite- 
 ment in Belgravia," both of which are here repro- 
 duced. The first appeared on the 4th of Janu- 
 ary 185 1, and the second three weeks later. (See 
 Frontispiece, and page 285.) 
 
 Among Thackeray's special delights, as has al- 
 ready been seen, was the grotesque presentation of 
 a Frenchman's comic misapprehension of English 
 life and of London sights, ways, and customs. He 
 would accentuate, perhaps exaggerate, the hatred 
 of the French for England, but he certainly ex- 
 tracted a CTood deal of fun out of the venomous 
 Count Smorltorks he invented, especially when 
 their observations were of a political character. So 
 he created, or adapted, a ridiculous personage, 
 "Gobemouche" — the French equivalent of the 
 Endish " Muff."* This name is not new to read- 
 
 o 
 
 * The signature of " Muff," it will be remembered, was 
 
 283
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ers of Thackeray inasmuch as " Monsieur Gobe- 
 mouche's Authentic Account of the Grand Exhi- 
 bition " (contributed two months later than the ar- 
 ticle now under consideration) has been duly re- 
 printed in the Collected Works. But both the 
 first and the second appearances of Gobemouche 
 have hitherto been overlooked. 
 
 M. Gobemouche is delightful. Sent to England 
 by his paper, he puts up at a " hotel in the neigh- 
 bourhood of L — st — r Squar, the centre of the 
 fogs, the fashion, the commerce of this city." He 
 calls for the newspapers, which he understands so 
 well, and sends his first despatch to Paris after 
 reading certain items of news — such as a carriao;e 
 accident of Mr. Disraeli, or the burning in eflfigy, 
 by the Irish, of Lord John Russell. Priding him- 
 self upon his knowledge of the English, he adorns 
 his comments with reflections not less valuable 
 than profound. 
 
 " Intimately acquainted," he explains, " with the 
 English language and history, the contents of these 
 journals is not a mystery to me — I give my views 
 and shall transmit you other letters of time in 
 time. 
 
 " A singular process, illustrative of English man- 
 ners and life, appears before me in the journal 
 which is laid upon my table. You may not, per- 
 
 adopted by Thackeray in two instances — "The Lights of Lon- 
 don " (Vol. XVIIL, p. 132) and " A Delicate Case " (p. 89, 
 Volume XX.) and elsewhere. 
 
 284
 
 THE EXCITEMENT IN BELGRAVIA. 
 
 Mr. Butcher and Master Butcher-Boy. 
 
 " Now, Bill, have you took the leg of mutton to 29, and the 
 
 sweetbread to 24?" 
 " Yes, Master." 
 " Well, now your work is done— you'll take this bit of chalk 
 
 AND chalk up ' No POPRY.' DO YOU EAR?" 
 
 " Why, Master?" 
 
 "Why? Because 'Popes is enemies to butcher's meat on Fri- 
 days,' and Britons will have none of 'em." 9 
 
 {Exit Bill. 
 
 See Frontispiece.^ 
 
 285
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 haps, have heard of an English writer of merit, M. 
 Disraeli. In his first novel, called the Curiosities 
 of Literature, he made proofs of esprit: his Letters 
 of Junius, published subsequently, were sul^cient- 
 ly picquantes, and caused their publisher. Wood- 
 fall, more than one prosecution : his Life of Viv- 
 ian Grey was a bleeding satire upon the cele- 
 brated Whig Earl, head of the powerful family the 
 members of which have, for 20 years, governed 
 this country. 
 
 " The Whigs, since that satire, have vowed to 
 him an undying detestation. Lay your heel upon 
 one member of the English aristocracy, and the 
 whole body writhes and turns, encircles you in its 
 enormous folds, and crushes its poisoned victims. 
 
 " Having quarrelled with the Whigs and Peel, 
 that transfuge to their camp, Disraeli, the literra- 
 tor, suddenly appears as the man politic. He en- 
 ters the Chamber of Commons. He attaches him- 
 self to the party opposed to the Whigs. He defies 
 the huge aristocratic dragon, lancing at the swel- 
 tering and venomous monster the shafts of his 
 sarcasm, and piercing its scales with the brilliant 
 glaive of his wit. Peel, the champion of the 
 oligarchy, falls under his blows — Disraeli, like 
 Peel a man of the people, like Peel rises to the 
 command of a great aristocratical party in the 
 state ; he is unanimously elected as member for 
 the Bucks, and leads them in their battle against 
 their Whig enemy. 
 
 " What arrives } The aristocracy of England 
 
 286
 
 A TREMENDOUS CONSPIRACY 
 
 never pardons — it resorts to assassination rather 
 than forgets. The death of Disraeli was resolved 
 upon, and very nearly put into execution but a few 
 days past. 
 
 " Would you know how? By a stratagem brutal 
 yet deadly. An infernal machine was invented by 
 English treachery to destroy the first Consul : an 
 omnibus is employed to crush Disraeli. 
 
 " Being in his brougham traversing the streets 
 of London, an omnibus, waiting its opportunity, 
 dashed into the vehicle of the illustrious author, 
 burst the armoriated panels of his light carriage, 
 and cast him to the ground. 
 
 " The name of the proprietor of this omnibus 
 was Nelson. Does not this explain the attack 
 and the mystery ? 
 
 " A Nelson does not retreat before armed force, 
 brutal violence, and murderous stratagem. 
 
 " It was a Nelson who bombarded the peaceful 
 city of Copenhagen. 
 
 " It was a Nelson who struck, like an assassin 
 and an incendiary, amidst the midnight flotilla of 
 Boulogne ; whence he was flung back by the 
 strong arm of our braves. It was a Nelson who 
 would have destroyed the member for the Bucks. 
 
 " Sir Disraeli, escaping by a miracle, carried 
 
 his plaint before the tribunals of the first instance. 
 
 And in this country of England, where everything 
 
 judges itself by money, where the chastity of the 
 
 spouse, the purity of the daughter, pays itself at so 
 
 much ; what do you think, what does France think, 
 
 287
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 was the fine imposed upon the agent of Nelson, 
 the bravo of the box, who, in fault of a dagger, 
 would have driven the pole of an omnibus and two 
 horses into the dauntless bosom of the Member 
 for the Bucks. 
 
 " Sir Bingham, the magistrate at the Court of 
 Marlborough, (remark, Marlborough! — another 
 name full of fatal recollections to France, another 
 name suggesting blood, retribution, vengeance !) 
 sate under the Statue of outraged Themis, and 
 delivered the astonishing verdict. 
 
 " Sir Bingham fined Sir Stanton, the driver of 
 the omnibus. Sixpence. 
 
 " — For the attempted murder of a poet, Six- 
 pence ! 
 
 " — For the assault on a statesman. Sixpence ! 
 
 " — For the assassination of genius. Sixpence! 
 
 " Do you know what it is, sixpence in this City 
 of London 1 The drive in an omnibus (without 
 correspondences) is sixpence. The waiter at the 
 tavern where you eat the bleeding beef, grum- 
 bles at the gratuity of sixpence. The maid at the 
 hotel, who makes your chamber, scornfully flings 
 you back sixpence — it is not enough for her ser- 
 vice; it is not enough for the smoothing of a bed, 
 for the passing of a bassi noire for the jug of hot 
 water. The very pint of /laf an af cosis sixpence; 
 the beggar in the street expects sixpence ; and 
 the life of the greatest man in England is rated 
 at the value of a chopine of ale, of a drive in 
 
 an omnibus, of a waiter's fee, or a beggar's gra- 
 
 288
 
 THE IMMOLATION OF LORD RUSSELL 
 
 tuity ! Note, that this is true; that this is patent; 
 that I read this in the pubHc journals in the nine- 
 teenth century, in superb England, that builds 
 palaces of crystal, and pretends to dominate the 
 civilisation of the world! 
 
 " Sir Disraeli's menaced life is valued at six- 
 pence then: but his broken coach panel is rated 
 at — how much think you — £8 los. — at 212 francs 
 50 centimes! 
 
 "A life, 65 centimes! — a coach panel, 212 francs 
 50 centimes! — Oh, Albion! 
 
 "Yes: but the coach panel is armoriated: the 
 coach panel has a blazon. It is an insult to at- 
 tack a blazon in England : it costs 65 centimes 
 to attempt a murder. 
 
 "To attempt to assassinate an unpopular states- 
 man is the same cost to you as a cigar." 
 
 M. Gobemouche is equally acute in his under- 
 standing of the other incident. He reads the report 
 in a Limerick paper of the harmless insult offered 
 to Lord John Russell and of course makes up his 
 mind at once that it is the statesman himself who 
 is assaulted — who " has met with a still more mel- 
 ancholy fate, and has succumbed." He repeats — ■ 
 
 " The Ex-Premier seems to have escaped, how- 
 ever, from the roasting at Ennis : and probably 
 fled in disguise from that beautiful city: for we find, 
 by the Tipperary Free Press, that he was at Clon- 
 mel the next day ' most ludicrously attired, carried 
 on the back of a brawny fellow, a number of men 
 following and belabouring him with huge wattles. 
 
 T 289
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 They conveyed him through several streets, and, at 
 length, having suspended him from a lamp-post, it 
 was set on fire, amidst the groans of those assembled.' 
 
 " Is not this an awful picture — a haughty noble- 
 man ludicrously attired — -carried before the courts 
 where the judges of the land are sitting, belabour- 
 ed with wattles and hanged, and burned a la lan- 
 terne? O Ledru Rollin ! you said well that this 
 country was hastening to dissolution, and was to 
 pay a speedy penalty for historic crimes ! The 
 indignant people rise in their wrath upon the 
 minister who has designated their beloved rites 
 as superstitions,* carry him to the doors of the 
 Protestant temple which they respect, dress him in 
 ludicrous disguises, and slay him in the public place ! 
 
 " Were these facts not narrated in a newspaper 
 I should hesitate to believe them. But they are 
 in print, and cause neither denial, nor surprise, 
 nor indignation ! The shops are not closed; the 
 tocsin is not sounding; the phlegmatic people are 
 not in arms, but move with restless egoism on the 
 affairs of commerce. I feel that I am about to 
 gaze on awful convulsions in the midst of a great, 
 a doomed, a terrible people !" 
 
 In recognising the satire the reader will rec- 
 ollect that France has sent us other, and real, 
 Gobemouches as Correspondents since Thack- 
 eray's time. 
 
 A contribution of the greatest interest appears 
 
 * See Lord John Russell's Letter to the Bishop of Durham 
 on "The late Aggression of the Pope." 
 
 290
 
 PUNCH'S ANTI-CATHOLIC CAMPAIGN 
 
 on page 1 15 of the volume (22 March) — of so much 
 interest, indeed, that it is here quoted in full. Its 
 importance lies in the fact that in the course of it 
 Thackeray announces and explains the withdrawal 
 of Richard Doyle from the paper on account of 
 the vigour and, as he thought, the unjustifiable 
 brutality of PiuicJis anti-Roman Catholic cam- 
 paign. How it comes that this article has never 
 been reprinted is a mystery, for the subject makes 
 a strong appeal, and as to the authorship there is 
 no shadow of doubt. 
 
 "JOHN BULL BEATEN. 
 
 /// a Letter from a Contributor to Air. Punch. 
 
 UNCH, MY DEAR 
 AND ESTEEMED 
 
 CHIEF, — At the 
 
 meeting of your 
 
 Privy Council, 
 
 which you 
 
 ^m'-',, assembled 
 
 \r upon the 
 
 391
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 appearance of Cardinal Wiseman's first letter, 
 dated from the Flaminian Gate, the course which 
 Mr. Punch was to pursue, under the circumstances 
 of the Papal aggression, was debated eagerly at 
 your Board.* What was to be done ? Would 
 we stand it? Would we allow a foreio'neerino; 
 Prince to appoint officers, and confer titles, in 
 England ? It was too bad — too insolent — we 
 would not have it at any price, and so forth. The 
 Council was very stormy. I see our friend the 
 Professor of Theology! battling with clenched 
 fists, and thumping and defying the Pope and all 
 his crew. 
 
 "Our friend, the Professor of Belles Lettres^ 
 sate by ; sneered at the agitation ; said it was ab- 
 surd, and that we could do nothing, and was the 
 only one of the conclave who seemed to be undis- 
 turbed by the general commotion. And our dear 
 friend, the Professor of Mediaeval Design, § whose 
 faith and whose affections were with the party 
 which we were met to oppose, quitted us to join 
 the banner displayed now for the first time these 
 300 years, and under which the Cardinal was 
 marching upon our country. For this is amongst 
 the consequences of religious debate : it separates 
 brethren ; estranges parent and child ; parts dear 
 friends; angers and embitters honest hearts. By 
 Jupiter Ammon, Sir, rather than have lost our 
 
 * That is to say, at Pwicli's weekly dinner, 
 t Douglas Jerrold. X Percival Leigh. § Richard Doyle. 
 
 292
 
 THE VIEWS OF PUNCH'S STAFF 
 
 friend the Professor of Medieval Design, I would 
 have foregone a bench of Bishops and a whole 
 conclave of Cardinals — the Pope can make those 
 any day. 
 
 " To continue : amidst parties assembled at your 
 table there was one Right Honourable Gentleman, 
 the learned Professor of Gastronomy — your humble 
 servant, indeed * — whose opinion with respect 
 to the present crisis was, he believes, as follows: — 
 'The insult,' said that gentleman, 'that we English- 
 men, we lords of the world, have received from an 
 Italian bishop, reviving pretensions as absurd and 
 antiquated as those of the priests of Jupiter, or the 
 Druids, is clear. How can we be otherwise than 
 indignant.? The indifference of the Right Hon- 
 ourable Gentleman, Professor of Belles Lettres, 
 shocks me. With all our might, and with all our 
 hearts, we must show that we are English citizens; 
 and, since these Roman priests will have a pro- 
 cession among us, we must greet them with a jeer 
 and a growl. For toleration has its limits : if gen- 
 tlemen choose to wear pigtails, or beards, or hats 
 as broad as washing tubs, against the custom of 
 my country, Til laugh at them — and have a right 
 to laugh; if they bring a winking statue into the 
 Strand, I'll sneer, and say, 'Stuff! — away with your 
 rubbish of winking pictures and miraculous dolls!' 
 If Lord Smollett (let us call him) were to walk 
 down Pall Mall, with a jack chain round his neck, 
 
 * W. M. Thackerayj himself. 
 293
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 his footman after him, I would join the mob that 
 hooted him. Carry on these rites, friends, at home. 
 Dress, undress, kneel, chant, shave, or not, as you 
 like ; but don't bring your vagaries into our streets 
 — we don't believe in them — we flout them utterly 
 to scorn. My poor winking statue! — you may 
 wink for a week, and what do I care } Narrate 
 that legend to the marines — go and wink at Ri- 
 mini, not here, sub Jove, in Fleet Street, in the 
 year 185 1. And, as in Rome, when a procession 
 passes, or the Pope blessed the city and the world, 
 every man of good feeling would take off his hat 
 and bow his head with the crowd, so do you, of 
 your part, respect our manners and religion — take 
 off your hat to it decently, and don't keep on that 
 absurd Cardinal's broad-brim in public. 
 
 '"What then was our duty,' asked the Professor 
 of Gastronomy, 'when His Eminence marched on 
 us from the Flaminian Gate.-^ To flinof stones at 
 his procession } No. To subject any single per- 
 son who was carrying a banner, or tossing an in- 
 cense pot, or twanging a chant, to imprisonment 
 or violence.'* No. To lauo-h at the whole busi- 
 ness, to meet it with denial, with scorn, with every 
 imaginable Protest. Yes. To that public asser- 
 tion of the Catholic party it was assuredly the duty 
 of the Protestant party to shout a denial — and, if 
 Punch, and Lord John, and all England did not 
 bellow, Heaven help our lungs.' 
 
 " ' But why protest when you can do nothing 
 
 more.'*' says the Professor of Belles Lettres. — I 
 
 294
 
 THACKERAY'S ADVICE 
 
 say, if we do nothing more than protest, that pro- 
 test is good and wholesome. You do not knock 
 a man down who insults you in the street, but you 
 have a right to feel angry — or, suppose a lady 
 boxes your ears, you do not, in reply, hit her on 
 the nose, but it is quite consistent with good mo- 
 rality that you should feel indignant at the outrage, 
 and say, ' Madam, I protest that your behaviour is 
 monstrous, and your aggression an impertinence.' 
 And so we have protested, and done right to pro- 
 test. It is a sentimental satisfaction — a record en- 
 tered — a medal struck, as it were — as when Pope 
 What-do-you-c ALL-EM struck a medal in commem- 
 oration of the murder of the Huguenots, he did 
 not cause thereby the slaughter of any single Cal- 
 vinist more, but simply recorded his ghostly satis- 
 faction at that victorious assertion of his principles, 
 and at that event so triumphant for his faith. 
 
 " My counsel then, to you, Sir, was to protest 
 once or twice as loudly as possible, and there's an 
 end on't — to chalk up ' No Popery ' in as large 
 letters as you could, and so to leave the business. 
 We can't persecute. We can deny. We can say 
 pooh ! phsa ! bosh ! stuff and nonsense ! protest- 
 ing, by various ways and arguments, but no more. 
 And to some Right Honourable Professors at your 
 table, who inclined to repressive measures, I had 
 to offer a respectful opposition. 
 
 " We can't use repressive measures — has not 
 the agitation of the last three months proved 
 
 it.f* Lord Punch, Lord John, Lord Ashley, the 
 
 295
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 Times, the whole country are in wrath ; and we 
 find we can do nothing but protest ! We can't 
 go back to rehgious, any more than to any other 
 kind of Protection : and having once announced 
 free religion, and taken the duties off faith, we 
 have not the means of setting them on again. 
 We can't fight Roman Catholicism by enact- 
 ments — Oh, me! and our enormous Establish- 
 ment of Custom House ofiicers is still on foot ! 
 
 " But that is a question, (painfully interesting to 
 the Bench of Bishops perhaps, and the rest of the 
 ecclesiastical dotiane) but not at present in de- 
 bate. The case at present seems to stand — so. 
 
 " We are insulted ; we are angry ; we are beat. 
 That is to say, if we want to retaliate for an insult 
 committed upon us, we can't — and Lord John, 
 menaced by foe ecclesiastic, has stepped back, has 
 lifted his mighty arm to defend himself, (or rather 
 to hit out) and has dropped that muscular weapon 
 — not of defence, but offence. — We can't strike. 
 And thank heaven, we can't. Thank heaven, I 
 say, that a great nation, stung, outraged as it has 
 been, by a monstrous insult, and perfidy of priest- 
 ly aggression, has in its imperial armoury no weap- 
 on of offence upon which it can lay a hasty hand 
 to punish the outrage; and can't persecute though 
 ever so angry., A few scores of years hence, when 
 hcec certamina come to be described ; when that 
 struggle is over, whereof we are but now at the 
 beginning; when that battle is fought, for which 
 
 we are taking our sides, and the ground seems to 
 
 296
 
 A PROPHECY 
 
 be getting cleared every day — when it shall be de- 
 cided whether free thought, free speech, and free 
 commerce among men are to exist — and we are to 
 have railroads and Ross's Telescopes, and books 
 for all — or a regime of Russian Grenadiers, Index 
 Expurgatorius, and Lord Wiseman's hat, — I say 
 on that, when this present one comes to be chron- 
 icled, I wonder how history will go ? 
 
 " It will say perhaps : — 
 
 "'At the commencement of the second half of 
 the nineteenth century, the ancient faith was sud- 
 denly revived in England by the pious energy of 
 Saint Nicholas, of Seville. Landing in the coun- 
 try amidst the almost frantic hostility of the island- 
 ers, the most powerful in arts, arms, and commerce, 
 although the most benighted of the inhabitants of 
 Europe, Saint Nicholas was assailed on his first 
 arrival by the Sovereign (styled Head of the Sect 
 calling itself a Church, and dominant in that part 
 of Britain); by the Prime Minister a deplorable 
 fanatic of Calvinistic opinions ; by the Legislat- 
 ure, and a vast majority of the nation. The 
 country rose against him ; persecutions were 
 threatened ; tortures were in preparation ; chains, 
 fines, and imprisonment were devised for Saint 
 Nicholas and his clergy. But aid was at hand, 
 and the arm which the powerful Minister raised to 
 smite the meek cheek of the Cardinal, was staid 
 by an influence which we must, &c. &c. The 
 clergy of the neighbouring Island of Ireland (since 
 
 removed by the application of scientific means a 
 
 297
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 thousand miles into the Atlantic,) headed by the 
 profound Cullen and the gentle Mac Hale, the 
 Hibernian members of the Britannic Legislature, 
 men remarkable for the polish of their manners, 
 and the fervid piety of their lives — above all, the 
 dissensions among the English themselves, caused 
 the uplifted arm to fall powerless, which was about 
 to descend upon Saint Nicholas, and averted the 
 glaive which would have found a willing and joy- 
 ful martyr. Saint Nicholas and his clergy were 
 suffered to live unmolested, and continued, in and 
 about London, to make many converts, until the 
 invasion of the great Austro-French Force, under 
 the two Emperors, accompanied by the Pope in 
 person, when religion was established, finally, in 
 this country, to be disturbed no more. The un- 
 married Bishops of the late establishment were 
 generously admitted ad eundem, &c. &:c. &c.' 
 
 " Will this be the tale, or will it be one of a 
 different tendency and moral, which the reader of 
 future times will peruse — Mr. Macaulay's New 
 Zealand Traveller, let us say, — looking at the re- 
 mains of Westminster and surveying the ruins of 
 St. Paul's.?"
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 VOLUME XX. {cofitinued) 
 
 " No Business of Ours " (29 March ; p. 125) deals 
 aeain with the Roman Catholic Church and dis- 
 closes a policy which in 1851 was regarded as ex- 
 tremist in point of tolerance and moderation. It 
 should be explained that, in the words of PimcJis 
 commentator, " Miss Talbot, a ward in Chancery 
 and niece of the Earl of Shrewsbury was placed 
 as a postulant in a Roman Catholic Convent at 
 Taunton, and but for the interference of her step- 
 father, the Hon. Grantley Berkeley, would have 
 taken the veil, when her fortune of ^80,000 would 
 have passed to the use of the Convent. A con- 
 troversy of a very unhappy nature arose upon the 
 case, and the young lady was subsequently mar- 
 ried to Lord Edward Howard, brother to the 
 Duke of Norfolk.* " The violence of the passions 
 aroused by this historic case in the public mind 
 and Press, already inflamed by the " Aggression," 
 even surpassed that excited by the will and be- 
 quest of Monsieur Carre, which were made known 
 
 * Augusta, Lady Howard, who died in 1862. 
 
 299
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 at about the same time. Before reminding the 
 reader of the result achieved by the trial of the 
 action " Metairie v. Wiseman and Others," I set 
 before them Thackeray's further contention, in 
 which he very fairly stated his case to the pub- 
 lic : — 
 
 " Dear Mr. Punch, I hope that the little anec- 
 dotes connected with the Roman Catholic Church, 
 which have been occupying a good deal of public 
 attention, and which have had the effect of mak- 
 ing some folks angry, will not tend to disturb your 
 own serene judgment and temper. 
 
 "What has happened.'^ A young lady, twenty 
 years of age, a ward of Chancery, with eighty 
 thousand pounds for her fortune, has been for 
 education to a convent at Taunton, and, in the 
 course of her residence there, has been so charmed 
 and edified by the conventual life, that it is said 
 she feels incline dto adopt it altogether; and, tak- 
 ing the Church for her bridegroom, will possibly 
 endow her mystic spouse with her eighty thousand 
 pounds. 
 
 "Has she not a perfect right to do as she likes 
 with her own? If she were poor, would there be 
 any great outcry made? Has she not a right to 
 her opinions and convictions ? Suppose that she 
 likes better to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning, 
 than to dance polkas at that hour in Belgrave 
 Square? Suppose she is of opinion that that re- 
 treat at Taunton is far nearer heaven than any 
 
 residence in London could be ; and prefers a 
 
 300
 
 THE CASE OF MISS TALBOT 
 
 spiritual to a step-father — how are you to prevent 
 her from having her way? 
 
 "You have no more rioht to force her to eat 
 beef on a Friday, than to compel me to dine on a 
 slice of bread and a carrot. It is a question of tastes 
 which ought surely to be left open in a free country. 
 
 "And where there is liberty of opinion there 
 must of course be expression of it. Everybody 
 who speaks, proselytises more or less. You en- 
 gage to make converts just as much as His Emi- 
 nence or dear Father Holdstock. ... I have 
 been in a convent myself — perhaps in that very 
 one of Taunton. I believe on my word and con- 
 science that if that system is virtuous, Sutteeism in 
 India is virtuous: I believe that if those twenty- 
 four ladies were married to twenty- four railway 
 navvies, they would be better employed than they 
 are in their present business. I believe that many 
 of the duties which occupy them and in which the 
 poor souls are taught to take a pride, are meaner 
 and more frivolous than waltzing with the dullest 
 dandies in May Fair — that the scheme of life held 
 out to them as the highest and most virtuous of 
 which human creatures are capable, is neither 
 more nor less than despicable and shameful, and 
 scorn the doctrine and the doctors inasmuch as 
 they preach it. We laugh at the doctors then: 
 and they pity us, and send us — you know where. 
 They can't do otherwise, and we are perfectly con- 
 tent. Sir, they are all alike. Disagree with Father 
 
 Athanasius or Jack the Cobbler, who is bawl- 
 
 301
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ing on the common, and he can do nothing but 
 consign you to the deuce. As far as he stands 
 there, and to the best of his beHef, he is the ad- 
 ministrator of your ultimate happiness or per- 
 dition. Bawl on, Jack the Cobbler; curse away, 
 Father Athanasius ! Curse us and each other. 
 You believe yourselves right ; and if you are right, 
 we are done for. Show us that you are right, one 
 or the other of you, and the rest follows as a mat- 
 ter of course. But, holding your premises to be 
 as absurd and monstrous, as their consequences 
 would be, I, for my part, take leave utterly to 
 deny one and the other. 
 
 "But, give clerical gentlemen fair- play. If I 
 don't believe that Father Athanasius can ab- 
 solve me, or the contrary ; or decline to adopt the 
 views of Jack the Cobbler, who has pretty much 
 the same pretensions, at least those divines have 
 as good a rio^ht to be heard as we: and conclu- 
 sions and consequences must come out of their 
 opinions as out of all others. 
 
 " If, for instance, a young lady is of opinion 
 that Father Athanasius is invested with powers 
 to curse and bless her into eternity; is the holder 
 of an absolute truth of which he is the authorised 
 and heaven-transmitted expounder ; and if the Fa- 
 ther says, ' My dear, for the good of your soul and the 
 benefit of the Church, you had much better take 
 the habit of a nun, and pay over that matter of 
 eighty thousand pounds, which can be of no use to 
 
 you;' of course she has a right to follow the dic- 
 
 302
 
 — AND OF MONSIEUR CARRE 
 
 tates of her conscience, and the keeper of her con- 
 science; and you and I have no right to object to 
 the disposal of her money. 
 
 " Take the other case again, about which there 
 has been such a brawl and talk in the Vice-Chan- 
 cellor's Court. An old French refugee and miser, 
 who has scraped together ten thousand pounds, is 
 on his death-bed in Somers Town. Shivering and 
 starving: on the brink of the q;rave and without the 
 heart to spend a shilling for a pint of wine to warm 
 his wretched carcase — his landlord finds the Ro- 
 man Catholic Clergyman of the district, and, of 
 course, brings him to administer consolation to the 
 dying old wretch. 
 
 "Enemies may say that the old man, drivelling 
 and trembling in the grasp of death, might fall an 
 easy victim to an interested person disposed to ex- 
 aggerate the terrors which already were agitating 
 him ; and take advantage of the weakness which 
 had stretched him on his miserable couch. What 
 does the Reverend Mr. Holdstock do on the con- 
 trary? He exhorts Carre to good works — for 
 what better work than charity.? What cause more 
 sacred than that of education ? Those dear little 
 girls of Saint Aloys' School want spelling-books 
 and samplers, and if the old miser, by screwing, by 
 French lessons, by whatever means, has amassed 
 a sum of money which he can't take away with 
 him to the place whither he is going, let him give 
 seven thousand to the school, and he will be no 
 worse for the donation. 
 
 j^j
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 " The Catholics like pictures and admit them as 
 incitements of devotion. Here's a nice subject for 
 a pious artist! Let it hang up in the school 
 among the little children — the miser dying on his 
 miserable pallet — his wretched life flickering out 
 — prostrate by ghostly terrors, by accumulated re- 
 morse, by mental and bodily weakness and imbe- 
 cility — and the priest and the priest's friend, the 
 barrister, hanging over him and getting the dona- 
 tion from the almost corpse — look up at that, little 
 girls! Count your little beads; sing your little song 
 in chorus for the repose of the soul of the late 
 Monsieur Carre ! 
 
 " It is true that Carre, for this pious purpose, 
 gives his money away from his family ; but what 
 does this prove ? Does this not prove how good 
 an Englishman Father Holdstock is, in reply 
 to those wicked assertions that the Roman Catho- 
 lic Ecclesiastics are subjects of a foreign power? 
 Carre's relations are Frenchmen. He made his 
 money in this country. Why should it go out of 
 this country.? He lived in Somers Town; let his 
 piety enrich the suburb in which he practised the 
 virtues of economy. If he had not lived so avari- 
 ciously as he did, he could not have saved at his 
 trade more than three thousand pounds. Let his 
 family have that. A soul is saved ; a school is 
 built and improved, by which thousands of souls 
 more are probably succoured. And I, for my part, 
 say that Father Holdstock performed a good 
 morning's work. 
 
 304
 
 —SUMMED UP 
 
 " And this testimony which I give, is at least 
 impartial. I no more believe that the Pope of 
 Rome or any officer of his has power to save (or 
 the contrary) my soul, than that the beadle of St, 
 James's can do so ; I have a right to my opinion 
 and to publish it too ; and so repeat that the 
 Reverend Mr. Holdstock did a good morning s 
 business. A coup of seven thousand pounds in 
 the course of a forenoon's conversation is very sel- 
 dom made ; and many a clergyman has passed six 
 hours in taking a confession not worth twopence- 
 halfpenny. Mr. Holdstock would, no doubt, and 
 has done ; and would give his ear to the fetid 
 breath of a beggar dying of typhus, as readily as 
 listen to the last quivering directions of a perish- 
 ing miser. 
 
 " And if clergymen of his persuasion have a per- 
 suasion of their own so marvellous, that they can 
 alienate young girls from the world, sisters from 
 sisters, dying old men yearning for their relatives 
 from their natural affections, and the ordinary 
 proofs of them — if they can get Miss Talbot's 
 money to build a cathedral, or Carre's to found a 
 school — if they can enter families, close doors and 
 hold secret councils, remit, confirm, soothe, terrify, 
 divide, govern — what call have we to complain 1 
 If Catholic families choose to submit to this, how 
 can we help it, or how interfere 1 
 
 " There is a pile of buildings at Taunton, say — 
 there is a door. Who is to forbid you to enter 
 and mount the steps '^. And as a young English 
 u 305
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 lady all but a minor, imaginative, beautiful, tender 
 in years and intellect, attended by the devout and 
 influential friends of her family, by pious rela- 
 tives, by a crowd of priests, with shaven polls, sing- 
 ing round about her, and pointing out the joys of 
 heaven to her, has a perfect right to mount those 
 steps, and disappear from the world — why is a lady 
 in Bengal to be prevented from joining her spouse, 
 whom her relations, the practise of the country, 
 and the advice of the most eminent fakeers and 
 Brahmins of her church, concur to press upon 
 her?" 
 
 " An Oppressed Hindoo." 
 
 As to this case, it may be added that the ac- 
 tion at law was brought by the family to contest 
 the testamentary paper given by Monsieur Math- 
 urin Carre (by which £']000 was bequeathed to 
 the Church and Schools of St. Aloysius, Somers 
 Town) chiefly on the ground that the testator, 
 although of Roman Catholic parentage, had all his 
 life shown a great dislike to women and clergy. 
 The will was disputed under the English Law of 
 Mortmain, and a compromise was effected, the 
 Church and Schools agreeing to accept the sum 
 of ^4000. 
 
 The last of the Irish letters, over the signature 
 " Hibernis Hibernior," appeared on the 5th April 
 (p. 135) under the title of " If Not: Why Not.?" 
 It deals less with the familiar spectacle of armed 
 
 resistance to distraint, than with the quaint semi- 
 
 306
 
 AN UNNATURAL LANDLORD 
 
 justification of that resistance and quainter inver- 
 sion of responsibility — as it seems to the ordinary 
 mind — implied by a question asked by an Irish 
 member in the House of Commons in respect to 
 the Banbridge disturbance. After quoting an elo- 
 quent guide-book extract celebrating the natural 
 beauties of the neighbourhood and the industry of 
 the population, "what," asks Hibernis Hibernior — 
 
 "WHAT more . 
 
 peaceful and 
 beautiful sight 
 can be con- 
 ceived : and isn't 
 it cruel to think 
 that the comfort- 
 able inhabitants 
 of such a sweet 
 district should be 
 driven, by the 
 ferocity of our 
 law, into armed 
 rebellion?" After 
 a passionate so- 
 liloquy on the 
 iniquity of the 
 " cursed Saxon 
 
 law" and the outrage of demanding rent, the 
 writer proceeds to discuss, from what Thackeray 
 judges to be the view of the typical Irish jour- 
 nalist and Member of Parliament, the villainy of a 
 
 307
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 gentleman who, it was reported, " having a tenant 
 at Banbridge, who owed, and refused to pay, four 
 years' rent, took with him the sub-sheriff and a 
 baihff, and proceeded to distrain." 
 
 " The bloodhounds of the law, the sub-sheriff 
 and his attendant, armed with a writ ; the land- 
 lord with the rascal-rapacity of his race, and urged 
 with a fiendish lust to get his four years' tribute; 
 were met, close to Banbridge, by two hundred gal- 
 lant men armed with guns; and, so just and uni- 
 versal was the indignation of the people against 
 them, that the whole of the two hundred opened 
 a fire upon the landlord and the myrmidons of 
 the bloody law. Nothing can be more simple or 
 fair than this: — A dastardly attack, upon the part 
 of the law, is met by an honourable and manly re- 
 sistance on the part of the finest peasantry in the 
 world. One of the law bloodhounds, at whom a 
 gallant peasant fired, taking a coward advantage 
 of the honest fellow, when his gun was gone off, 
 sprang at him and tried to collar him ; but the 
 brave Paddy slipt out of the rufiian clutches of 
 the bailiff, and escaped with agility; and, finally, 
 bailiff, and sub-sheriff, and landlord were obliged 
 to retire before an indignant population, 
 
 " Let English landlords, who are grumbling 
 about their rents, just look at this example, and 
 take warning. Here is a tyrant in Ireland, who 
 does not get a shilling of rent for four years, and 
 when he asks for it, the whole country turns out 
 
 to shoot at him. How would the Duke of Rich- 
 
 308
 
 COLLECTING RENT IN IRELAND 
 
 MOND like to let his land upon such leases — and 
 get (from behind one of his own hedges) such a 
 pepper -corn rent? It is manifest that land held 
 upon this tenure ought to fetch a good price, for 
 tenants must be so eager to have it. 
 
 " The Irish legislators are worthy of the legis- 
 lation. One of them gets up in the House of 
 Commons and puts a series of questions to the 
 Irish Secretary. He wants to know — First, 
 Whether the report is true ? Secondly, Whether 
 there is an official report ? Thirdly, Whether the 
 Secretary will lay that official report before the 
 House ? 
 
 "'Fourthly, Whether he considered it fair towards the mis- 
 guided people of that country, on the one hand, or the Lord- 
 Lieutenant on the other, that process of the kind in question 
 should be issued by the sub-sheriff, without apparently tak- 
 ing the slightest trouble to ascertain whether the process would 
 be opposed by the people ; and, if so, whether he had taken 
 a sufficient force to overawe the misguided people ?' 
 
 " What would poor old Ireland do if she hadn't 
 her real friends and representatives to stand by 
 her? Here's the real state of the case. The Gov- 
 ernment is in fault, of course, and acting unfairly 
 towards the people of Down. If a man wants his 
 rent, after four years, he ought to ascertain wheth- 
 er the process of obtaining it ' will be opposed by 
 the people.' If it will be opposed by the people, 
 as of course it will, the landlord ought to get a 
 sufficient force to overawe the people. A bailiff 
 should march with a couple of companies at his 
 
 309
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 back, and, if convenient, say a field-piece. The 
 sharpshooters of the peasantry line the outlying 
 hedges, of course, in advance of the main body, 
 and open a fire at the Regulars. Regular skir- 
 mishers dislodge (with a considerable loss amongst 
 the Red-Coats and Peelers) Peasantry's advanced 
 men, who fall back on the principal column: the 
 action becomes general. Having the advantage 
 of artillery, the Peelers and Red-Coats finally get 
 the uppermost, the gallant Peasantry retires in 
 good order, after severely punishing the invading 
 force. The firing from the stables and out-houses 
 ceases: the garrison is withdrawn; the hall-door is 
 burst open; the wounded officers are brought in 
 and laid on the drawing-room sofas, and the men 
 are amputated on the billiard-table ; and the sheriff 
 (if not picked off) enters and puts in his execu- 
 tion. This would clearly be the ' fair ' way of do- 
 ing things. It is savage, cruel, and unmanly for a 
 sheriff and his officer to advance unarmed upon 
 two hundred brave men and ask for rent; it is a 
 sheer premium to murder. What honest and 
 ardent Patriot, knowing the wrongs of his coun- 
 try, and maddened by centuries of oppression, 
 could resist the opportunity of shooting a bailiff.'* 
 A fellow who comes out on such an errand is no 
 better than an amateur buirs-e3^e : and a Govern- 
 ment that employs him is merely provoking an 
 honest man to revolt. 
 
 " In England I own the case would be different. 
 
 In England, a landlord would most probably want 
 
 310
 
 —AND IN ENGLAND 
 
 his rent at the half-year, and if he waited for four 
 years, and then distrained for it, it is probable that 
 his officer would not be fired upon by two hun- 
 dred of the tenant's friends, assembled on a rising 
 ground, with their picquets in advance. Nor would 
 an English member for a Devonshire borough, let 
 us say, hearing that such a disturbance had taken 
 place in Yorkshire, rise up and ask the Home Sec- 
 retary whether the conduct of the Sheriff's officer 
 was ' fair ' towards those misguided Yorkshire folks 
 — as a Munster gentleman spoke about the Ulster 
 men the other day. Here, as yet, rent is consid- 
 ered to be fair, and it is not thought to be alto- 
 gether unfair that a man should have to pay it. 
 If my landlord were not to get his quarter and to 
 put a distress into my house (both of which may 
 Fate forbid!) the rest of the inhabitants of the 
 street would not turn out with double-barrelled 
 euns to shoot Mr. Levi or Mr. Sloman. If Levi 
 and Sloman came unarmed, save with their writ, 
 and were fired upon by two hundred men, no 
 English Member would inquire in Parliament, 
 why a regiment was not sent with Messrs. L. & S., 
 and ask if the sending them unaccompanied was 
 'fair' upon my two hundred friends, armed with 
 pike and gun. If Levi and Sloman were shot by 
 my two hundred friends, people would use a strong- 
 er term than ' misguided ' to describe the ten score 
 champions. If even one score of armed ruffians 
 were to attack a lawyer's clerk in his lawful and 
 peaceful calling, fire at him from behind hedges, 
 
 SI I
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 and deliberately attempt his murder, the sympathy 
 of the public would, to say the least, be with the 
 single and unprotected man : but this is not Ire- 
 land, this is the sister country — our sister's morals, 
 her religion, her virtues, her vices, her views of 
 right and wrong, of black and white, are quite dif- 
 ferent from ours. 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Piinch ! when our own sister's chil- 
 dren wanted a Parliament of their own, why, why 
 did we baulk our eloquent cousins? Why shouldn't 
 they have their own Commons, their own Lords, 
 their own Bench of Bishops, and settle their own 
 disputes their own way? Will you please to agi- 
 tate for a Repeal party here ? If you do, I suspect 
 you will find many an Englishman ready to join 
 it; and, in the matter of Repeal at least, like your 
 very humble servant, 
 
 " HiBERNIS HiBERNIOR." 
 
 Here then, we have yet another declaration by 
 Thackeray that he is a Home Ruler — not per- 
 suaded, it is true, by the " Union of Hearts," but 
 simply by expediency. 
 
 Monsieur Gobemouche made his last unre- 
 printed appearance in " The French Conspira- 
 tion. From Gobemouche, Man of Letters, to Sir 
 WoRTLEY, Member of Parliamentr 
 
 The conspiracy which Gobemouche so loudly 
 
 proclaims consists, this time, not in armed invasion 
 
 but in that peaceable and friendly incursion which 
 
 was so rapidly Gallicising English manners and 
 
 312
 
 ALEXIS SOYER AT GORE HOUSE 
 
 tastes. The visit of French soldiers, amorous 
 warriors of Gaul, each of whom, armed with the 
 bow of Cupid, would lead away some Britannic 
 Briseis, affords a text to the complacent Gobe- 
 mouche, who is careful to explain once more that 
 he is well equipped for criticising by reason of his 
 s:enius for observation. 
 
 " Alread3^" he says, "a letter from the important 
 journal of which I was correspondent, has appear- 
 ed in these columns. Although the Monitettr de 
 Boiclevardcs \_sic] has ceased to exist, I am a man 
 of letters still, and not idle. I study. I observe. 
 I reflect. Educated with care, I write English 
 with native purity. ... I have formed profound 
 conclusions; I interview enormous changements 
 for this country. . . . Where our arms have not 
 conquered, our arts have vanquished. The old 
 England Frenchifies itself all the days." 
 
 All this leads up to the announcement that the 
 notorious Alexis Soyer — the lately resigned chef 
 of the Reform Club, to whom Piuich had devoted 
 pen and pencil on more than one occasion before 
 — was going to open a restaurant of the highest 
 possible excellence, more recherche than anything 
 that had ever before been known or attempted in 
 London. The reader need hardly be reminded with 
 how much good-humoured interest Thackeray — 
 self-styled the Professors of Gastronomy — would 
 regard such a delightful enterprise. 
 
 "An exploding proof of this worthy appreciation 
 has lately been conferred upon Alexis Soyer. The 
 
 j'j
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 magistrates of the county of Middlesex have sum- 
 moned before them Alexis. He appeared with 
 the courage of his nation, of his genius, before the 
 orave administrators of the Britannic Themis. But 
 it was not tortures, it was not imposts, it was not 
 Botanibay, which they offered to him ; it was to 
 confer upon him the rights of citizenship, and to 
 present him, in the name of Queen Victoria, of 
 the Lord Mayor, of England entire, with a splen- 
 did testimony of the national gratitude. 
 
 "In the neighbourhood of London — by the 
 gigantesque Palace of Crystal,* the fresh mead- 
 ows of Hyde Park, and the sombre avenues of 
 Kinsington's Gardens — little removed from the 
 Octroi (turnspikes) — there stands, amidst parks 
 and prairies of its own, a chateau called the Cha- 
 teau of Gor.t The Chateau of Gor has been pur- 
 chased with the money of the municipality by this 
 grateful nation, by these grave magistrates, and has 
 been conferred, with the patent of baron net, upon 
 Alexis Soyer, Frenchman. Sir Soyer, in a warm 
 allocution, responded to the Lord Mayor, when 
 this title, this domain, were conferred upon him 
 — and asked all the magistrates to dine in the 
 palace of which he has become master. 
 
 "A palace of fairies he is making of it — truly a 
 Symposium of all nations, as Sir Soyer (faithful to 
 
 * The Crystal Palace was just then being completed in 
 Hyde Park for the Universal Exhibition of 1851. 
 
 t Gore House, which had till then been the home of the 
 beautiful Lady Blessington, and the scene of her receptions. 
 
 314
 
 THE SPLENDOURS OF GORE HOUSE 
 
 his Bacchanalian tradition, and proud of his relig- 
 ion of the apron) has styled it. . . . The Saloon of 
 Italy, the Saloon of Turkey, the Saloon of Spain, 
 the Hall of France, the Hall of Old England. 
 You may consume here the cockaliquet of the 
 mountains of Scotland, the garbanzos of Castille, 
 the shamrocks of Ireland, the maccaroni of Vesu- 
 vius, the kari of the Ganges, and the cabob of the 
 Bosphorus; you may call here for the golden 
 juice of the Rhine, and the purple draught of the 
 Garonne, as for the whiski of the Liffi, and the 
 Afandaf (liquor which I adore) of the Thames. 
 Sir Soyer will soon be prepared to furnish you 
 with all these. Already his pavilions glow with 
 the rich colours of the lavish pencil.* Already 
 banquet halls and feudal towers rise among his 
 parterres : already quiet alcoves and particular 
 cabinets twinkle from among the bosquets, where 
 they will be covered by discreet and beautiful foli- 
 age of Spring and Summer ; — yet a few weeks and 
 the palace of Soyer will be opened. This, Mi- 
 lord, is the Conspiracy by which France hopes to 
 conquer you — this is the representative whom the 
 Republic sends to Albion ! 
 
 "Agree the hommages of profound considera- 
 tion with which 
 
 " I have the honor to be, Milord, 
 
 " GOBEMOUCHE. 
 
 '■'Leicester Squar, lo April. ''Man of letters, viaii of progress T 
 
 * George Augustus Sala was employed on these mural dec- 
 orations. 
 
 3'5
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 UCH are Thack- 
 eray's chief contri- 
 butions during the 
 period with which 
 I am now dealing. 
 On p. 212 of Vol- 
 ume XXI. (5 Nov. 
 185 1 ) appeared an 
 article to which the 
 accompanying illus- 
 tration served as in- 
 itial — but why the 
 keen wit of Steele should be represented in mortal 
 menace of Ptincli cannot well be explained. The 
 article is entitled " Mr. Molony on the Position of 
 the Bar and Attorneys," and is signed "Thaddeus 
 Molony," belonging, apparently, to the series of 
 Molony papers. But, in spite of "^^0)0^ prima facie 
 evidence, I have refrained from including it here, as 
 it is difficult to believe that a sketch so deficient in 
 interest and humour can really be from Thackeray's 
 pen — or, if it be, that it is to Thackeray's advantage, 
 or the reader's, that it should be resuscitated. 
 
 The articles and verses reprinted in tliis vol- 
 ume, and here brought to an end, comprise the 
 cream of the novelist's unacknowledged work in 
 Punch; for, to the making of the selection has 
 been brought such discretion as a profound ad- 
 mirer is capable of — an admirer, moreover, keenly 
 sensitive to the odium properly reserved for the 
 tactless and injudicious enthusiast. 
 
 316
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 OF THACKERAY'S CONTRIBUTIONS TO PUNCH 
 
 The Editor's "Day-Book," upon which is based the essential 
 portion of this Bibliography (Nos. 130 to 377 inclusive), covers 
 the period from 11 Feb. 1S43 to 30 Sept. 184S. 
 
 Those items which have never before been identified, and 
 which are fully dealt with in the body of this book, are printed 
 in italics. 
 
 Those items for which I have no official authority, but which 
 may confidently be ascribed to Thackeray are placed within square 
 brackets — [ ]. 
 
 The numbers, and page and date figures refer, of course, to 
 Pu7ich.
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 I. 
 
 1842 
 
 Volume II. 
 No. Page. Date. 
 
 49 [The Legend of Jawbra/ntn-Heraudee. 254 18 June] 
 
 Volume III. 
 
 51 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. A Character. 8 2 July 
 
 52 Miss Tickletoby's Lecture. 12 9 July 
 
 53 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory, 28 16 July 
 
 56 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 58 6 Aug. 
 
 57 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 70 13 Aug. 
 
 58 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 84 20 Aug. 
 
 59 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 91 27 Aug. 
 
 61 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 116 10 Sept. 
 
 62 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 121 17 Sept. 
 
 63 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 131 24 Sept. 
 
 64 Miss Tickletoby's Lectures on English His- 
 
 tory. 143 I Oct. 
 
 319
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 II— 1843-1848 (Sept. 20) 
 
 1843 
 
 Volume IV. 
 
 Iflo. Pcg^- Date. 
 
 79 [" The Sick Childr 3° H Jan.] 
 
 83 Mr. Spec's Remonstrance. 69 11 Feb. 
 
 96 A Turkish Letter concerning the Divertisse- 
 
 ment " Les Houris." i99 '3 May 
 
 97 Assumption of Aristocracy. {Drawing only) 204 20 May 
 Second Turkish Letter concerning the Di- 
 vertissement " Les Houris." 209 20 May 
 
 Volume V. 
 127 Singular Letter from the Regent of Spain. 267 16 Dec. 
 
 1844 
 Volume VL 
 
 130 Important Promotions ! Merit rewarded ! 15 6 Jan. 
 
 1 3 1 Ducal Hat for fenkins. 
 
 132 Notice. Leaves from the Lives of the Lords 
 
 of Literature. 
 
 133 Lady L.'s fournal of a Visit to Foreign 
 
 Courts. 
 
 137 History of the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. \. 
 
 138 History of the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. H. 
 
 139 History of the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. HI. 
 
 140 History of the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. IV. 
 
 141 History of the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. V. 
 Biographical and Literary Riddles. 
 The Author of Pel ham. 
 
 320 
 
 32 
 
 13 Jan. 
 
 42 
 
 20 Jan. 
 
 52 
 
 27 Jan. 
 
 90 
 
 24 Feb. 
 
 98 
 
 2 Mar. 
 
 113 
 
 9 Mar, 
 
 117 
 
 16 Mar, 
 
 127 
 
 23 Mar, 
 
 129 
 
 23 Mar, 
 
 130 
 
 23 Mar.
 
 Page. 
 
 Date. 
 
 137 
 
 30 Mar. 
 
 147 
 
 6 April 
 
 153 
 
 6 April 
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 AFo. 
 
 143 Histor}^ of the Next French Revolution. 
 Chap. VI. 
 
 143 History of the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. VII. 
 
 Gems fi'oiii Jetiki'ns. 
 What shoicld tlie Irish Members do in regard 
 to the Ten Hours' Bill? 155 6 April 
 
 144 History of the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. VIII. 157 13 April 
 
 An Eligible Investment. 164 13 April 
 
 145 History of ^the Next French Revolution. 
 
 Chap. IX. 167 20 April 
 
 146 Les Premieres Artnes de Montpctisier; or, 
 
 Mu7tchausen out-done. 184 27 April 
 
 147 Great News ! Wotiderful Neivs ! 189 4 May 
 
 148 A Rare New Ballad of Malbrook, to a tiew 
 
 Ttine. 207 II May 
 
 Academy Exhibitiott. 209 1 1 May 
 
 [50 The Clocks Agaitt. 227 25 May 
 
 Latest from America. 228 25 May 
 
 151 The Prince de Joinville's Atnateiir-Invasion 
 
 of England. ■ 2^4 i June 
 
 1 52 Rules /£> be observed by the English People on 
 
 the occasion of the Visit of His Imperial 
 Majesty, NICHOLAS, Emperor of All the 
 Russias. 243 8 June 
 
 Strange Insult to the King of Saxony. 243 8 June 
 
 To Daniel O'Conncll, Esq., Circular Road, 
 Dublin. 248 8 June 
 
 153 The Dream of Joinville. 252 15 June 
 
 1844 
 Volume VII, 
 
 155 Punch to the Public. Private and Con fidcn- 
 
 li'i^- 4 29 June 
 
 156 A Hint for Moses. 19 6 July 
 A Nut for the Paris Charivari. 19 6 July 
 
 X 321
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 No. 
 
 Interesting Meeting. 
 
 157 Running Rein Morality. 
 Punch's Fine Art Exhibition. 
 A Case of Real Distress. 
 Moorish Designs. 
 
 1 58 Punch to Daniel in Prison. 
 Literary Intelligence. 
 Irish Razors. 
 
 160 Wanderings of Our Fat Contributor. 
 
 161 Travelling Notes by Our Fat Contributor. 
 
 The Sea. 
 
 162 Travelling Notes by Our Fat Contributor. 
 A Chance Lost. 
 
 163 To the Napoleon of Peace. 
 Fashionable Removals. 
 
 163 Revolution in France. 
 
 Last Insult to Poor Old Ireland. 
 
 fenny Wren's Remonstrance. 
 165 The Wooden Shoe and the Buffalo-Indians. 
 
 Shameful Case of Letter Opening. 
 
 177 Travelling Notes by Our Fat Contributor. 
 
 178 Travelling Notes by Our Fat Contributor. 
 
 179 Travelling Notes by Our Fat Contributor. 
 
 ^age. 
 
 Date. 
 
 11 
 
 6 July 
 
 23 
 
 13 July 
 
 26 
 
 13 July 
 
 32 
 
 13 July 
 
 32 
 
 13 July 
 
 38 
 
 20 July 
 
 42 
 
 20 July 
 
 44 
 
 20 July 
 
 61 
 
 3 Aug 
 
 66 
 
 10 Aug 
 
 83 
 
 17 Aug 
 
 85 
 
 17 Aug 
 
 90 
 
 24 Aug 
 
 94 
 
 24 Aug 
 
 95 
 
 24 Aug 
 
 95 
 
 24 Aug 
 
 96 
 
 24 Aug 
 
 no 
 
 7 Sept 
 
 117 
 
 7 Sept 
 
 237 
 
 30 Nov 
 
 256 
 
 7 Dec. 
 
 265 
 
 14 Dec. 
 
 1845 
 
 Volume VIII. 
 
 183 Punch in the East 
 
 184 Punch in the East 
 
 185 Punch in the East 
 
 186 Punch in the East 
 
 187 Punch in the East 
 1 93 The Honour of th 
 
 Bar. 
 
 194 Disgusting Violation of the Rights of Prop- 
 erty. 
 Historic Parallel. 
 
 322 
 
 31 
 
 35 
 
 45 
 61 
 
 75 
 129 
 
 142 
 
 149 
 
 II Jan. 
 18 Jan. 
 25 Jan. 
 
 I Feb. 
 
 8 Feb. 
 22 Mar. 
 
 29 Mar. 
 29 Mar,
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 195 Liberal Reward. 
 Mr. Smith's Reasons for not senditig /lis Pict- 
 ures to the Exhibition. 
 
 Genteel Christianity. 
 A Painter s Wish. 
 Dog Annexation. 
 The '82 Club Uniform. 
 
 1 96 For the Court Circular. 
 Royal Patronage of Art. 
 The Irish Martyrs. 
 Erratum. 
 Gross Insult to the Court. 
 
 1 97 The Commission of Fine Arts. 
 
 198 Literary Netvs. 
 Ode to Sibthorp, by the Poet Laureate. 
 Humours of the House of Commons. 
 You're Another. 
 
 199 The Excellent lYeiu Ballad of Mr. Peel at 
 
 Toledo. 
 100 Delightful Novelty. 
 
 New Portrait of H. R. H Prince Albert. 
 
 201 The Queen's Bal Costume, or. Powder and 
 
 Ball. 
 Peel at Toledo. 
 
 202 Mr. Punch on the Fine Arts. 
 Father Mathew's Debts. 
 
 203 Split in Conciliation Hall. 
 Preparations for War. 
 The Allegory of the Fountains. 
 Railroad Speculators. 
 
 204 Her Majesty's Bal Poudre. 
 
 205 Young Ireland. 
 
 1845 
 VoLu:\iE IX. 
 
 207 The Ascot Cup Day. {Drawing.) 3 28 June 
 
 Stiggins in New Zealand. 3 28 June 
 
 ^age. 
 
 Date. 
 
 151 
 
 5 Apri 
 
 153 
 
 5 Apri 
 
 153 
 
 5 Apri 
 
 154 
 
 5 Apri 
 
 159 
 
 5 Apri 
 
 159 
 
 5 Apri 
 
 167 
 
 12 Apri 
 
 167 
 
 12 Apri 
 
 168 
 
 12 Apri 
 
 170 
 
 12 Apri 
 
 170 
 
 12 Apri 
 
 172 
 
 19 Apri 
 
 184 
 
 26 Apri 
 
 188 
 
 26 Apri 
 
 190 
 
 26 Apri 
 
 190 
 
 26 Apri 
 
 195 
 
 3 May 
 
 205 
 
 10 May 
 
 21 I 
 
 10 May 
 
 219 
 
 17 May 
 
 220 
 
 17 May 
 
 224 
 
 24 May 
 
 232 
 
 24 May 
 
 243 
 
 31 May 
 
 243 
 
 31 May 
 
 243 
 
 31 May 
 
 244 
 
 31 May 
 
 251 
 
 7 June 
 
 262 
 
 14 June
 
 Page. 
 
 Date. 
 
 •14 
 
 5 July 
 
 15 
 
 5 July 
 
 15 
 
 5 July 
 
 16 
 
 5 July 
 
 20 
 
 5 July 
 
 24 
 
 12 July 
 
 26 
 
 12 July 
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 No. 
 
 208 Immense Opportunity. 
 "■ Appeal to Rome!" 
 
 Where are the Hackney Coaches gone to? 
 Most Noble Festivities. 
 
 The Eureka. 
 
 209 The Abdication of Don Carlos. 
 British Honour. 
 Tremendous Sufferings of the Hojisehold 
 
 Brigade. 32 12 July 
 
 2 1 o Reasons why I shall not send my Son, Giistavus 
 Adolphus, to Trinity College, Cambridge. 
 Military Intelligence. 
 
 2 1 1 Soldiering . 
 
 2 1 2 Scholastic. 
 A House at the West End. 
 A Lucky Speculator. 
 
 213 The Pimlico Pavilion. 
 War between the Press and the Bar. 
 
 214 Letter from Jeames of Buckley Square, 
 
 215 Punch's Regency. 
 
 216 The Stags. A Drama of To-day. 
 Bar Touting. 
 
 2 1 7 Serenade. 
 New Version of God Save the Queen, 
 lilt cresting Relic at Rosenau. 
 Oysters in Your Own Basins. 
 
 218 Meditations on Solitude. (By our Stout 
 
 Commissioner.) 
 
 2 1 9 S(;nn IC K sejested by Prince Halbert gratious- 
 
 ly killing the Staggs at Sacks-Cobug-Gothy. 
 
 220 Beulah Spa. 
 
 221 A Seasonable Word on Railways. 
 
 222 The Georges. 
 Brighton. 
 Dangerous Passage. 
 
 223 A Brighton Night Entertainment. 
 
 224 Meditations over Brighton. 
 
 324 
 
 35 
 
 19 July 
 
 40 
 
 19 July 
 
 49 
 
 26 July 
 
 53 
 
 2 Aug. 
 
 55 
 
 2 Aug. 
 
 59 
 
 2 Aug. 
 
 66 
 
 9 Aug. 
 
 64 
 
 9 Aug. 
 
 76 
 
 16 Aug. 
 
 94 
 
 23 Aug. 
 
 104 
 
 30 Aug. 
 
 104 
 
 30 Aug. 
 
 106 
 
 6 Sept. 
 
 107 
 
 6 Sept. 
 
 113 
 
 6 Sept. 
 
 114 
 
 6 Sept. 
 
 123 
 
 13 Sept. 
 
 133 
 
 20 Sept. 
 
 137 
 
 27 Sept. 
 
 149 
 
 4 Oct. 
 
 159 
 
 II Oct. 
 
 158 
 
 II Oct. 
 
 163 
 
 II Oct. 
 
 168 
 
 18 Oct. 
 
 187 
 
 25 Oct.
 
 Page. 
 
 Date. 
 
 191 
 
 I Nov. 
 
 195 
 
 I Nov. 
 
 207 
 
 8 Nov, 
 
 210 
 
 15 Nov. 
 
 215 
 
 15 Nov. 
 
 227 
 
 22 Nov. 
 
 233 
 
 29 Nov, 
 
 ^37 
 
 29 Nov. 
 
 242 
 
 6 Dec. 
 
 251 
 
 13 Dec. 
 
 261 
 
 20 Dec. 
 
 263 
 
 20 Dec. 
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 No. 
 
 225 A Doe in the City. 
 Jeames on Time Bargings. 
 
 226 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 227 Jeames's Diary. 
 Pwich's Tribute to O'Comiell. 
 
 228 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 229 Jeames's Diary. 
 Miss Malony and Father Luke. 
 
 230 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 231 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 232 John Jones's Remonstrance about the Buck- 
 
 ing ha jn Business. 
 The Old Duke. 
 
 1846 
 Volume X. 
 
 233 Jeames's Diary. (1845) 10 27 Dec. 
 
 234 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 235 Extract of a Letter on the Late Crisis. 
 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 236 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 238 Jeames's Diary. 
 Promotion for Brougham. 
 
 239 Jeames's Diary. 
 
 242 * The Snobs of England. Prefatory Re- 
 
 marks. 
 
 243 The Snobs of England. I. — The Snob so- 
 
 cially considered. 
 
 244 The Snobs of England. II. — The Snob 
 
 Royal. 
 Titmarsh v. Tait. 
 ,245 The Snobs of England. III.— The Influ- 
 ence of the Aristocracy on Snobs. 125 21 Mar. 
 
 * The chapter-numbers, like the titles, do not in all cases correspond 
 with those in the reprinted volume, owing to some of the essays having 
 been suppressed by the author. 
 
 325 
 
 13 
 
 3 Jan. 
 
 23 
 
 10 Jan. 
 
 30 
 
 10 Jan. 
 
 35 
 
 17 Jan. 
 
 54 
 
 31 Jan. 
 
 61 
 
 31 Jan. 
 
 72 
 
 7 Feb. 
 
 01 
 
 28 Feb. 
 
 ;ii 
 
 7 Mar. 
 
 fi5 
 
 14 Mar. 
 
 24 
 
 14 Mar.
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 No. 
 
 246 The Snobs of England. IV.— "The Court 
 
 Circular," and its Influence on Snobs. 
 
 247 The Snobs of England. V. — What Snobs 
 
 Admire. 
 
 248 The Snobs of England. VI. — On Some Re- 
 
 spectable Snobs. 
 
 249 The Snobs of England. VII. — On Some 
 
 Respectable Snobs. 
 TJie Irish Curfew Bell. 
 
 250 The Snobs of England. VIII. — Great City 
 
 Snobs. 
 
 251 The Snobs of England. IX. — On Some 
 
 Military Snobs. 
 
 252 The Snobs of England. X.— Military Snobs. 
 The Royal Academy. 
 
 253 The Snobs of England. XI. — On Clerical 
 
 Snobs. 
 Jeames on the Gauge Question. 
 
 254 The Snobs of England. XII. — On Clerical 
 
 Snobs and Snobbishness. 
 
 255 The Snobs of England. XIII. — On Clerical 
 
 Snobs. 
 
 256 The Snobs of England. XIV. — On Univer- 
 
 sity Snobs. 
 
 257 The Snobsof England. XV. — On University 
 
 Snobs. 
 Mr. Jeames Again. 
 
 258 The Snobsof England. XVI. — On Literary 
 
 Snobs. 
 
 259 Tiie Snobs of England. XVII. — On Liter- 
 
 ary Snobs. 
 
 1846 
 
 Volume XL 
 
 260 A New Naval Drama. 1 4 July 
 The Snobsof England. XVI 1 1. — On Some 
 
 Political Snobs. 4 4 July 
 
 Black Monday. 12 4 July 
 
 Signs of the Times. 12 4 July 
 
 326 
 
 Page. 
 
 Date. 
 
 137 
 
 28 Mar. 
 
 147 
 
 4 April 
 
 157 
 
 II April 
 
 167 
 
 18 April 
 
 174 
 
 18 April 
 
 177 
 
 25 April 
 
 197 
 
 2 May 
 
 207 
 
 9 May 
 
 214 
 
 9 May 
 
 217 
 
 16 May 
 
 223 
 
 16 May 
 
 227 
 
 23 May 
 
 238 
 
 30 May 
 
 250 
 
 6 June 
 
 261 
 
 13 June 
 
 267 
 
 13 June 
 
 271 
 
 20 June 
 
 281 
 
 27 June
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 No. 
 
 261 The Snobs of England. XIX.— On Whig 
 
 Snobs. 
 
 262 The Snobs of England. XX. — On Conserva- 
 
 tive or Country Party Snobs. 
 
 263 The Snobs of England. XXI. — Are there 
 
 any Whig Snobs.'' 
 
 264 The Snobs of England. XXII. — On the 
 
 Snob Civilian. 
 
 One "Who can Minister to a Mind Dis- 
 eased." (Drawing.) 
 
 May Difference of Opinion Never Alter 
 Friends/lip ! {Draii'ing.) 
 
 265 The Snobs of England. XXIII.— On Radi- 
 
 cal Snobs. 
 
 266 A Tea-Table Tragedy. {Drawing.) 
 The Snobs of England. XXIV.— A Little 
 
 More about Irish Snobs. 
 
 The Meeting between the Sultan and Meheniet 
 Ali. 
 
 The Heavies. (Drawing.) 
 
 The Snobs of England. XXV.— Party-giv- 
 ing Snobs. 
 
 The Speaking Machine. 
 
 268 The Snobs of England. XXVI.— Dining- 
 
 Out Snobs. 
 Half an Hour before Dinner. {Drawing.) 
 
 269 The Snobs of England. XXVII.— Dinner- 
 
 Giving Snobs Further Considered. 
 The Heavies. {Dra7uing.) 
 
 270 The Snobs of England. XXVIII. — Some 
 
 Continental Snobs. 105 12 Sept. 
 
 271 The Snobs of England. XXIX.— Conti- 
 
 nental Snobbery Continued. 
 What's Come to the Clubs ? 
 
 272 The Snobs of England. XXX.- 
 
 Snobs on the Continent. 
 
 273 The Snobs of England. XXXI. — 
 
 Country Snobs. 
 
 327 
 
 Page. 
 
 Date. 
 
 19 
 
 II July 
 
 23 
 
 18 July 
 
 39 
 
 25 July 
 
 43 
 
 I Aug. 
 
 50 
 
 I Aug. 
 
 52 
 
 I Aug. 
 
 59 
 
 8 Aug. 
 
 63 
 
 15 Aug. 
 
 63 
 
 1 5 Aug. 
 
 72 
 
 1 5 Aug. 
 
 72 
 
 I 5 Aug. 
 
 81 
 
 22 Aug. 
 
 83 
 
 22 Aug. 
 
 91 
 
 29 Aug. 
 
 92 
 
 29 Aug, 
 
 95 
 
 5 Sept, 
 
 103 
 
 5 Sept, 
 
 
 115 
 
 19 Sept, 
 
 
 123 
 
 19 Sept, 
 
 —English 
 
 125 
 
 26 Sept. 
 
 On Some 
 
 
 
 
 141 
 
 3 Oct.
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 No. Page. Dale. 
 
 274 The Snobs of England. XXXII.— A Visit ■ 
 
 to Some Country Snobs. 148 10 Oct. 
 
 275 The Snobs of England. XXXIII.— On 
 
 Some Country Snobs. 157 17 Oct. 
 
 276 The Snobs of England. XXXIV.— A Visit 
 
 to Some Country Snobs. 167 24 Oct. 
 
 T/ie Household Brigade. 174 24 Oct. 
 
 277 The Snobs of England. XXXV. — On Some 
 
 Country Snobs. 177 31 Oct. 
 
 A Scene in St. James's Park. {Drawing.) 180 31 Oct. 
 
 278 The Snobs of England. XXXVI.— A Visit 
 
 to Some Country Snobs. 187 7 Nov. 
 
 279 The Snobs of England. XXXVII.— On 
 
 Some Country Snobs. 197 14 Nov. 
 
 280 The Snobs of England. XXXVI 1 1.— A 
 
 Visit to Some Country Snobs. 215 21 Nov. 
 
 281 Kitchen Melodies. 221 28 Nov. 
 The Snobs of England. XXXIX.— Snob- 
 
 bium Gatherum. 225 28 Nov. 
 
 282 The Snobs of England. XL. — Snobs and 
 
 Marriage. 229 5 Dec. 
 
 283 The Snobs of England. XLI. — Snobs and 
 
 Marriage. 247 12 Dec. 
 
 284 The Snobs of England. XLII. — Snobs and 
 
 Marriage. 251 19 Dec. 
 
 285 The Snobs of England. XLIII.— Snobsand 
 Marriage. 261 26 Dec. 
 
 ^&^ 
 
 1847 
 Volume XII. 
 
 2S6 The Snobs of England. XLIV. — Club 
 
 Snobs. 7 2 Jan. 
 
 287 The Snobs of England. XLV.— Club Snobs. 11 9 Jan, 
 The Mahogany Tree. 13 9 Jan. 
 
 288 The Snobs of England. XLVI. — Club 
 
 Snobs. 23 16 Jan. 
 
 289 The "Snobs of England. XLVII. — Club 
 
 Snobs. 34 23 Jan. 
 
 328
 
 Page. 
 
 Date. 
 
 43 
 
 30 Jan. 
 
 53 
 
 6 Feb. 
 
 59 
 
 6 Feb. 
 
 72 
 
 13 Feb. 
 
 8i 
 
 20 Feb. 
 
 85 
 
 27 Feb. 
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 No. 
 
 290 The Snobs of England. XLVIII. — Club 
 
 Snobs. 
 
 291 The Snobs of England. XLIX.— Club Snobs. 
 Horrid Traged}' in Private Life. {Drawing.) 
 
 292 The Snobs of England. L. — Club Snobs. 
 
 293 The Snobs of England. LI.— Club Snobs. 
 
 294 The Snobs of England. Chapter Last. 
 
 295 Love Songs made FJasy — " What makes my 
 
 heart to thrill and glow.^" (With Intro- 
 duction?! loi 6 Mar. 
 Mr. Jeames's Sentiments on the Cambridge 
 Election. 
 
 296 The Cambridge Address to Prince Albert. 
 Literature at a Stand. {Draiuing.) 
 
 298 Love Songs by the Fat Contributor. 
 The Domestic Love Song. ("The Cane- 
 
 bottom'd Chair'" — with Introduction.) 
 
 299 Punch's Prize Novelists. George de Barn- 
 
 well. 
 
 300 Punch's Prize Novelists. George de Barn- 
 
 well. 
 
 301 Punch's Prize Novelists. George de Barn- 
 
 well. 
 
 302 Punch's Prize Novelists. Codlingsby. 
 
 305 Punch's Prize Novelists. Codlingsby. 
 A Disputed Genealogy . 
 
 306 Punch's Prize Nov^elists. Codlingsby. 
 
 307 Punch's Prize'Novelists. Codlingsby. 
 
 308 Love Songs of the Fat Contributor. 
 
 The Ghazul, or Oriental Love-Song. 
 
 (" The Rocks " ; " The Merry Bard " ; and 
 
 " The Caique.") 
 
 309 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 
 eries. 
 
 310 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 
 eries. 
 
 311 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 
 eries. 
 
 329 
 
 102 
 
 6 Mar. 
 
 106 
 
 13 Mar. 
 
 113 
 
 13 Mar. 
 
 125 
 
 27 Mar. 
 
 136 
 
 3 April 
 
 146 
 
 10 April 
 
 155 
 
 17 April 
 
 166 
 
 24 April 
 
 198 
 
 15 May 
 
 204 
 
 15 May 
 
 213 
 
 22 May 
 
 223 
 
 29 May 
 
 
 
 
 227 
 
 5 jLine 
 
 Lords 
 
 and 
 
 Liv- 
 
 237 
 
 12 June 
 
 Lords 
 
 and 
 
 Liv- 
 
 247 
 
 19 June 
 
 Lords 
 
 and 
 
 Liv- 
 
 257 
 
 26 June
 
 A^o. 
 
 314 
 315 
 3'7 
 318 
 
 319 
 320 
 
 321 
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 1847 
 Volume XIII. 
 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. Brabazure. 
 Professor Byles's Opinion of the West- 
 minster Hall Competition. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. Brabazure. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 
 Brabazure. 
 Phil Fogartv. 
 Phil Foyartv. 
 Phil Fogarty. 
 Crinoline. 
 Crinoline. 
 Crinoline. 
 
 The Stars and 
 
 323 Punch to the Queen of Spain. 
 
 324 Punch's Prize Novelists. The Stars and 
 
 Stripes. 
 
 326 Punch's Prize Novelists. 
 
 Stripes. 
 
 327 Signs of a Move. 
 X. V. Z. 
 Caution to Tradesmen. 
 
 328 Brighton in 1847., 
 
 329 Brighton in 1847. 
 Oxford Public Oratory. 
 
 330 The Nexv Peers Spiritual. 
 Latest from Mexico. 
 
 332 Travels in London. • 
 
 333 Travels in London. Tlie Curate's Walk. 
 
 334 Travels in London. A Walk with the Curate. 
 
 335 Travels in London. A Dinner in the City. 
 
 336 Punch and the Influenza. 
 
 337 Travels in London. A Dinner in the Cit)^. 
 
 338 Travels in London. A Dinner in the Citv. 
 
 (1848) 
 
 '^age. 
 
 , Date. 
 
 2 
 
 10 July 
 
 8 
 
 10 July 
 
 12 
 
 17 July 
 
 21 
 
 24 July 
 
 49 
 
 7 Aug. 
 
 56 
 
 14 Aug. 
 
 67 
 
 21 Aug. 
 
 72 
 
 28 Aug. 
 
 82 
 
 4 Sept. 
 
 97 
 
 II Sept. 
 
 101 
 
 18 Sept, 
 
 117 25 Sept. 
 
 (163) 
 (170) 
 (172) 
 (179) 
 
 137 
 143 
 147 
 150 
 
 157 
 
 153 
 160 
 
 162 
 
 169 
 
 193 
 201 
 
 21 1 
 
 323 
 238 
 
 247 
 
 9 Oct. 
 16 Oct. 
 16 Oct. 
 16 Oct. 
 23 Oct.* 
 30 Oct.* 
 30 Oct.* 
 
 6 Nov.* 
 
 6 Nov.* 
 20 Nov. 
 27 Nov. 
 
 4 Dec. 
 1 1 Dec. 
 18 Dec. 
 25 Dec. 
 
 251 I Jan. 
 
 * The pagination of Punch is hereabouts confused in the original 
 edition. From page 170 it recovers itself by skipping to 181. 
 
 J)>
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 1848 
 Volume XIV. 
 
 No. 
 
 339 Travels in London. A Night's Pleasure. 
 
 340 Travels in London. A Night's Pleasure. 
 
 341 Travels in London. A Night's Pleasure. 
 
 342 Travels in London. A Night's Pleasure. 
 
 344 Travels in London. A Night's Pleasure. 
 
 345 Travels in London. A Night's Pleasure. 
 
 346 Mr. Punch for Repeal. 
 
 348 Travels in London. A Club in an Uproar. 
 Heroic Sacrifice. 
 
 What has happened to the MoRNiNG Chron- 
 icle.? 
 The Worst Cut of All. 
 Old England for Ever I 
 
 349 A Dream of the Future. 
 
 350 Travels in London. A Roundabout Ride. 
 Mr. Smith and Moses. 
 
 The Ex- King at Madame Tussaud's. 
 
 351 Persecution of British Footmen. By Mr. 
 
 Jeames. 
 
 352 Persecution of British Footmen. By Mr. 
 
 jeames. 
 
 353 Irish Gems. 
 
 354 French Sympathisers. 
 
 355 An After-Dinner Conversation. 
 
 357 The Battle of Limerick. 
 The Portfolio. 
 
 358 On the New Forward Movement. 
 
 359 Mr. Snob's Remonstrance with Mr. Smith. 
 A Little Dinner at Timmins's. 
 
 361 Yesterday ; a Tale of the Polish Ball. 
 
 362 A Little Dinner at Timmins's. 
 
 363 A Dilemma. 
 
 A Little Dinner at Timmins's. 
 
 Page. 
 
 , Date. 
 
 II 
 
 8 Jan. 
 
 19 
 
 15 Jan. 
 
 29 
 
 22 Jan. 
 
 35 
 
 29 Jan. 
 
 61 
 
 12 Feb. 
 
 65 
 
 19 Feb. 
 
 81 
 
 26 Feb. 
 
 95 
 
 1 1 Mar. 
 
 96 
 
 II Mar. 
 
 100 
 
 II Mar. 
 
 100 
 
 1 1 Mar. 
 
 105 
 
 1 1 Mar. 
 
 107 
 
 18 Mar. 
 
 119 
 
 25 Mar. 
 
 127 
 
 25 Mar. 
 
 128 
 
 25 Mar. 
 
 131 
 
 I April 
 
 143 
 
 8 April 
 
 153 
 
 15 April 
 
 171 
 
 22 April 
 
 182 
 
 29 April 
 
 195 
 
 13 May 
 
 205 
 
 13 May 
 
 207 
 
 20 May 
 
 217 
 
 27 May 
 
 219 
 
 27 May 
 
 237 
 
 10 June 
 
 247 
 
 17 June 
 
 257 
 
 24 June 
 
 258 
 
 24 June
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 1848 
 
 Volume XV. 
 
 No. 
 
 364 A Little Dinner at Timmins's. 
 
 365 A Little Dinner at Timmins's. 
 
 366 The Hampstead Road. A Comedy m Four 
 
 Tableaux. {Drawings.) 
 
 367 A Little Dinner at Timmins's. 
 
 368 A Little Dinner at Timmins's. 
 
 369 Military Correspondence. 
 
 372 Latest from the Cotttinent. 
 A Simile. 
 
 373 Letters to a Nobleman Visiting Ireland. 
 Authors' Miseries. No. L {Drawing.) 
 
 374 Letters to a Nobleman Visiting Ireland. 
 Authors' Miseries. No. II. {Drawing.) 
 
 375 The Balmoral Gazette. 
 
 376 Authors' Miseries. No. III. {Drawing?) 
 Sanitarianism and Insanitarianism. 
 
 377 Hemigration made Heasy. 
 Authors' Miseries. No. IV. {Drawing) 
 Is There Anything in the Paper? 
 Emigration to America. 
 
 [Official Record ends here.] 
 
 III. 
 
 [Independently of Official Record.] 
 
 1848 (7 Oct.)— 1854 (23 Sept.) 
 
 378 Authors' Miseries. No. V. {Drawing) 
 
 382 Authors' Miseries. No. VI. {Drawi?tg.) 
 
 383 Science at Cambridge. 
 
 384 [A Side-Box Talk. {Drawing.) 
 [ Traitors to the British Goverfiment. 
 
 332 
 
 Page. 
 
 Bate. 
 
 5 
 
 I July 
 
 13 
 
 8 July 
 
 30 
 
 15 July 
 
 33 
 
 22 July 
 
 43 
 
 29 July 
 
 62 
 
 5 Aug. 
 
 87 
 
 26 Aug, 
 
 93 
 
 26 Aug, 
 
 95 
 
 2 Sept. 
 
 105 
 
 2 Sept, 
 
 107 
 
 9 Sept, 
 
 115 
 
 9 Sept, 
 
 119 
 
 16 Sept, 
 
 127 
 
 23 Sept 
 
 127 
 
 23 Sept, 
 
 143 
 
 30 Sept, 
 
 144 
 
 30 Sept, 
 
 144 
 
 30 Sept. 
 
 145 
 
 30 Sept. 
 
 154 
 
 7 Oct. 
 
 198 
 
 4 Nov. 
 
 201 
 
 1 1 Nov. 
 
 218 
 
 18 Nov.] 
 
 218 
 
 18 Nov.]
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 N'o. 
 385 
 
 386 
 
 387 
 
 388 
 389 
 
 A Bow - Street Ballad ; by a Gentleman of 
 the Force. (" The Knight and the Lady.") 
 
 Death of the Earl of Robinson. 
 
 Authors' Miseries. No. VII. {Drawing.) 
 
 Bow-Street Ballads. — No. II. ("Jacob Om- 
 nium's Hoss.") 
 
 The Great Squattleborough Soiree. 
 
 The Three Christmas Waits. 
 
 Page. Date. 
 
 229 
 
 25 Nov. 
 
 231 
 
 2 Dec. 
 
 240 
 
 2 Dec. 
 
 251 
 
 9 Dec. 
 
 253 
 
 16 Dec. 
 
 265 
 
 23 Dec. 
 
 392 
 
 394 
 
 396 
 
 397 
 398 
 
 399 
 401 
 402 
 
 403 
 
 404 
 
 405 
 
 407 
 408 
 
 1849 
 Volume XVI. 
 
 Child's Parties : and a Remonstrance Con- 
 cerning Them. 
 
 Child's Parties: and a Remonstrance Con- 
 cerning Them. 
 
 Paris Revisited. 
 
 The Froddylent Butler. 
 
 The Ballad of Bouillabaisse. 
 
 Two or Three Theatres at Paris. 
 
 On Some Dinners at Paris. 
 
 The Story of Koompanee Jehan. 
 
 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 Town. 
 
 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 Town. On Tailoring — and Toilettes in 
 General. 
 
 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 Town. The Influence of Lovely Woman 
 upon Society. 
 
 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 Town. Some more Words About the 
 Ladies. 
 
 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 Town. On Friendship. 
 
 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 Town. On Friendship. 
 
 1 ^ ■^ 
 
 13 13 Jan. 
 
 35 27 Jan. 
 
 55 10 Feb. 
 
 62 10 Feb. 
 
 67 17 Feb. 
 
 75 24 Feb. 
 
 92 3 Mar. 
 
 105 17 Mar. 
 
 115 24 Mar. 
 
 125 31 Mar. 
 
 135 7 April 
 
 145 14 April 
 
 165 28 April 
 
 184 5 May
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 No. P'W- Date. 
 
 409 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. Mr. Brown the Elder takes Mr. 
 
 Brown the Younger to a Club. 187 12 May 
 
 410 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. Mr. Brown the Elder takes Mr. 
 
 Brown the Younger to a Club. 197 19 May 
 
 41 1 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. Mr. Brown the Elder takes Mr. 
 
 Brown the Younger to a Club. 207 26 May 
 
 413 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. A Word about Balls. 229 9 June 
 
 414 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. A Word about Dinners. 239 16 June 
 
 415 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. On Some Old Customs of the 
 Dinner-Table. 249 23 June 
 
 1849 
 
 Volume XVIL 
 
 417 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. Great and Little Dinners. i 7 July 
 
 418 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. On Love, Marriage. Men, and 
 
 Women. 13 H July 
 
 419 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. On Love, Marriage, Men, and 
 
 Women. 23 21 July 
 
 421 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. On Love, Marriage, Men, and 
 
 Women. 43 4 Aug. 
 
 422 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. Out of Town. 53 nAug. 
 
 423 Mr. Brown's Letters to a Young Man About 
 
 Town. Out of Town. 66 18 Aug. 
 
 1850 
 
 Volume XVIIL 
 
 444 Hobson's Choice, or the Tribulations of a 
 
 Gentleman in Search of a Man Servant. 11 12 Jan. 
 
 334
 
 "ac^e. 
 
 Date. 
 
 21 
 
 19 Jan. 
 
 32 
 
 26 Jan. 
 
 49 
 
 2 Feb. 
 
 53 
 
 9 Feb. 
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 Mo. 
 
 445 Hobson's Choice, or the Tribulations of a 
 
 Gentleman in Search of a Man Servant. 
 
 446 Hobson's Choice, or the Tribulations of a 
 
 Gentleman in Search of a Man Servant. 
 
 447 Thoughts on a New Comedy. 
 
 448 The Ballad of Eliza Davis. 
 450 The Lamentable Ballad'of the Foundling of 
 
 Shoreditch. ']-^ 23 Feb. 
 
 454 Mr. Finigan's Lament. [Afterwards repub- 
 lished as " Molony's Lament."] 113 23 Mar. 
 456 The Sights of London. 132 6 April 
 458 The Proser. L On a Lady in an Opera 
 
 Box. 151 20 April 
 
 460 The Proser. IL On the Pleasures of being 
 
 a Fogy. 173 4 May 
 
 461 Lines on a Late Hospicious Ewent. 189 11 May 
 
 462 The Proser. HL On the Benefits of being 
 
 a Fogy. 197 18 May 
 
 463 The Wofle New Ballad of Jane Roney and 
 
 Mary Brown. 209 25 May 
 
 465 The Proser. IV. On a Good-looking Young 
 
 Lady. 223 8 June 
 
 466 The Proser. V. On an Interesting French 
 
 Exile. 234 15 June 
 
 1850 
 
 Volume XIX. 
 
 468 The Proser. VI. On an American Traveller. 7 29 June 
 473 Mr. Molony's Account of the Ball given to 
 the Nepaulese Ambassador by the Penin- 
 sular and Oriental Company. 
 The Proser. VII. On the Press and the 
 Public. 
 
 476 Damages, Two Hundred Pounds. 
 The Lion Huntress of Belgravia. 
 
 477 The Lion Huntress of Belgravia. 
 480 The Lion Huntress of Belgravia. 
 
 -> o r 
 
 jj3 
 
 5J 
 
 5 ^Liy- 
 
 59 
 
 3 Aug. 
 
 88 
 
 24 Aug. 
 
 89 
 
 24 Aug. 
 
 91 
 
 31 Aug. 
 
 ^3 
 
 21 Sept.
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 ^g_ Page. Date. 
 
 486 A Dream of Whitefriars. 184 2 Nov. 
 
 489 [Fragments from the History of Cashmere. 
 
 By the Arabian Historian Karagooz. 
 
 Chap. 222. 221 23 Nov.] 
 
 492 {Domestic Scenes — Served with a Writ. 243 14 Dec] 
 
 494 Mr. Punch's Address to the Great City of 
 
 Castlebar. 263 26 Dec. 
 
 1851 
 Volume XX. 
 
 496 The Yankee Volunteers. 
 
 [The Excitement in Belgravia. {Drawing.) 
 
 498 Why Can't they leave us alone in the Holy- 
 
 days .'* 
 
 499 [The Excitement in Belgravia. {Drawing.) 
 
 500 No News from Paris. 
 
 502 A Plan for a Prize Novel. 
 
 503 * A Delicate Case. 
 
 504 t [From The Own Correspondent of the Moni- 
 
 teur des Boulevards. 93 8 Mar.] 
 
 505 A Woeful New Ballad of the Protestant 
 
 Conspiracy to take the Pope's Life. 
 
 506 [fohn Bull Beaten. 
 
 507 [No Business of Ours. 
 
 508 X [If Not : Why Not ? 
 
 509 § [The French Conspiration. 
 
 510 A Strange Man just Discovered in Ger- 
 
 many. 
 
 511 Mr. Molony 's Account of the Crystal Palace. 
 513 What I remarked at the Exhibition. 
 
 § Monsieur Gobemouche's Authentic Ac- 
 count of the Grand Exhibition. 
 515 The Charles the Second Ball. 
 
 * Signed " Robert Muff." Cf. Signature to " The Sights of London,' 
 No. 456. 
 
 f Signed " Gobemouclie." See Nos. 509 and 513. 
 
 \ Signed " Ilibernis Ilibernior." § Signed " C^jbemouche." 
 
 336 
 
 2 
 
 4 Jan. 
 
 8 
 
 4 Jan.] 
 
 23 
 
 18 Jan. 
 
 38 
 
 25 Jan.] 
 
 53 
 
 8 Feb. 
 
 75 
 
 22 Feb. 
 
 89 
 
 I Mar. 
 
 113 
 
 15 Mar. 
 
 115 
 
 22 Mar.] 
 
 125 
 
 29 Mar.] 
 
 135 
 
 5 April] 
 
 146 
 
 12 April] 
 
 155 
 
 19 April 
 
 171 
 
 26 April 
 
 189 
 
 10 May 
 
 198 
 
 10 May 
 
 221 
 
 24 May
 
 BIBLIOGRAPHY 
 
 1851 
 
 Volume XXI. 
 
 No. 
 
 
 Page. 
 
 Date. 
 
 533 
 
 Panorama of the Inglese — An Inglese Fam- 
 
 
 
 
 ily. 
 
 138 
 
 27 Sept 
 
 534 
 
 An Ingleez Family. 
 
 147 
 
 4 Oct. 
 
 536 
 
 Poor Puggy. 
 
 167 
 
 18 Oct. 
 
 538 
 
 Portraits from the Late Exhibition. 
 
 190 
 
 I Nov. 
 
 541 
 
 *The Last Irish Griev'ance. 
 
 223 
 
 22 Nov. 
 
 1853 
 
 Volume XXV. 
 638 The Organ Boy's Appeal. 141 i Oct. 
 
 1854 
 Volume XXVI. 
 
 676 Important from the Seat of War ! Letters 
 
 from the East by Our Own Bashi-Bozouk. 257 24 June 
 
 677 Important from the Seat of War! Letters 
 
 from the East by Our Own Bashi-Bozouk. 267 i July 
 
 1854 
 Volume XXVIII. 
 
 678 Important from the Seat of War I Letters 
 
 from the East by Our Own Bashi-Bozouk. 
 
 679 Important from the Seat of War! Letters 
 
 from the East by Our Own Bashi-Bozouk. 
 
 680 Important from the Seat of War! Journal 
 
 of the Siege of Silistria. By Our Own 
 Bashi-Bozouk. 
 
 681 Important from the Seat of War! Journal 
 
 of the Siege of Silistria. By Our Own 
 Bashi-Bozouk. 
 
 1 1 
 
 21 
 
 8 July 
 
 15 July 
 
 22 July 
 
 31 29 July 
 
 * One of the Molony papers.
 
 THACKERAY AND PUNCH 
 
 No. 
 682 
 
 688 
 689 
 
 Paee. Date. 
 
 Important from the Seat of War! Journal 
 of the Siege of Silistria. By Our Own 
 Bashi-Bozouk. 
 
 Mr. Punch to an Eminent Personage. 
 
 A Second Letter to an Eminent Personage. 
 
 41 
 
 5 Aug. 
 
 no 
 
 16 Sept. 
 
 113 
 
 23 Sept. 
 
 No. 
 196 
 
 213 
 
 233 
 
 245 
 
 IV. 
 
 CARTOONS SUGGESTED BY THACKERAY. 
 
 Who's Afraid ? or, the 
 Oregon Question. 
 
 The Mrs. Caudle of 
 THE House of Lords. 
 
 " Never mind Losing 
 THE First Heat; Go 
 In and Win." 
 
 Young Yankee-Noodle 
 Teaching Grand- 
 mother Britannia to 
 Suck Eggs. 
 
 By. 
 John Leech. 
 John Leech. 
 
 Date. 
 
 12 April 1845 
 9 August 1845 
 
 Richard Doyle. 27 Dec. 1845 
 
 John Leech. 21 March 1846
 
 INDEX 
 
 A Beckett, Gilbert, lo. 
 
 A Beckett, Gilbert Abbott, 9, 34. 
 
 "Abdication of Don Carlos," 
 156. 
 
 Aberdeen, Lord, and the owner- 
 ship of Texas, 118 sqq.; and 
 treaties with Spain, 157; 167. 
 
 "Academy Exhibition," 55, 56. 
 
 "After- Dinner Conversation, 
 An," 226-234. 
 
 Ainsworth, Harrison, attack on, 
 
 151. 152. 
 Alderson, Baron, 90. 
 " Allegory of the Fountains, 
 
 The," 142-144. 
 America, Oregon dispute with, 
 
 II, 14, 15, 189. 190; allusion to 
 
 insolvency of, 197; war with 
 
 Mexico, 215-217. 
 " Animated Discussion of the 
 
 Pork and Molasses Bill," 63, 
 
 64. 
 Anstey, Mr. Chisholm, eccen- 
 tricities of, 21 1 ; 222. 
 Anti-Roman Catholic campaign, 
 
 Punch's, 274, sqq., 291 sqq. 
 "Appeal to Rome," 153. 
 Arabs, massacre by Pelissier of, 
 
 161, 172. 
 Army, the uniforms of, 248, 252, 
 
 253- 
 " Aristocracy, Assumption of," 
 
 34-36. 
 
 Ascot, " Emperor's Cup" at, 72. 
 
 "Ascot Cup Day, The," 149, 
 150. 
 
 Ashley, Lord, (afterwards Lord 
 Shaftesbury), and the emigra- 
 tion movement, 2(i\sqq.; 295, 
 296. 
 
 " Assumption of Aristocracy," 
 34-36- 
 
 Asturias, Prince of the, 156. 
 
 Auctioneers, tricks of, 163. 
 
 Aumale, Due d', 50. 
 
 "Author of Pelham, The," 48. 
 
 " Balmoral Gazette, The," 
 
 260-263. 
 Bar, the, honour of, 164, 165. 
 " Bar Touting," 170. 
 Bayley, F. W. N., allusion in 
 
 " Jawbrahim - Heraudee " to, 
 
 34- 
 
 Bentinck, Lord George, death 
 of, 270. 
 
 Bentley, Mr., (publisher) and 
 the Countess of Blessington, 
 41. 
 
 Beranger, his designation of the 
 French flag, 162. 
 
 Beresford, Lord John G. de la 
 Poer, allusion in Punch's " Re- 
 gency," to, 168 and note. 
 
 " Beulah Spa," 177, 178. 
 
 Bibliography, 319-338. 
 
 339
 
 INDEX 
 
 " Biographical and Literary Rid- 
 dles," 48. 
 
 "Black Monday," 194, 195. 
 
 Blessington, Countess, 40, 41, 
 314 7wte. 
 
 British and Foreign Institute, 
 loi; attack on, 106 sqq., 183- 
 185. 
 
 " British Honour," 157. 
 
 Brookfield, Mrs., allusions to 
 letters from Thackeray to, 
 145 note, 244 7tote, 254 note. 
 
 Brooks, Shirley, his "Flight 
 with Punch," 246. 
 
 Brougham, Lord, caricature of, 
 13; in "Leaves from the 
 Lives of the Lords of Litera- 
 ture," 39-46; portrait in West- 
 minster Hall of, 89, 91, 96, 
 113, 167; "Promotion" for, 
 189; 228. 
 
 Buckingham, Duke of, 189. 
 
 Buckingham, Mr. John Silk, 
 loi; attack on, 106, 107, 183- 
 185. 
 
 Buller, Mr. Charles, and the 
 Colonial land-grabbing ques- 
 tion, 150, 151. 
 
 Bulwer, Lady, her action against 
 the " Court Circular," 243 note. 
 
 Bulwer, Sir Henry, alluded to 
 as " Lord " in " Leaves from 
 the Lives of the Lords of 
 Literature," 44, 45; in the 
 Toledo "ballad," 129 sqq.\ 
 244 note ; his " ill-treatment " 
 by the Spanish Government, 
 246, 247. 
 
 Cabriolets, 154. 
 
 Cambridge, snobbery at, 1 58-160. 
 
 " Cambridge Address to Prince 
 
 Albert, The," 205-208. 
 Canning and the government of 
 
 Ireland, 227, 228. 
 Cantillon, attempt to assassinate 
 
 the Duke of Wellington by, 
 
 65. 
 
 Cardigan, Lord, 272. 
 
 Cards, cheating at, 181. 
 
 Card well, Mr., Thackeray's op- 
 ponent in his candidature for 
 Oxford, 4-7. 
 
 Carlos, Don, abdication of, 156. 
 
 Carlyle, and the question of 
 Repeal, 258, 259. 
 
 Carre, M., case of, 299 sqq. 
 
 Cartoons suggested by Thack- 
 eray, 10-15, 165, 189, (Bibliog- 
 raphy) 338. 
 
 "Case of Real Distress, A," 91, 
 92. 
 
 Catholics, campaign against, 
 274 sqq., 291 seq. 
 
 " Caudle, Mrs.," Lord Brougham 
 caricatured as, 12, 13. 
 
 " Caution to Tradesmen," 213. 
 
 " Chance Lost, A," 95. 
 
 Chartism, 223 sqq. 
 
 Cheating at cards, 181, 182. 
 
 " Christianity, Genteel," 116. 
 
 Churchill, Lord John, candida- 
 ture for Woodstock of, 57. 
 
 Clarendon, Lord, as Lord Lieu- 
 tenant of Ireland, 215. 
 
 "Clocks Again, The," 61, 62. 
 
 " Club Uniform, The '82," 121. 
 
 "Clubs? What's come to the," 
 201, 202. 
 
 Cobden, Richard, in the race- 
 course cartoon, 14, 187; on a 
 Conservative Government, 
 142; 188, 194, 241. 
 
 Coburg, royal visit to, 172, 173, 
 176,177. 
 
 Coercion Bill, 189, 194. 
 
 "Commission of Fine Arts, 
 The," 122. 
 
 Company-promoting, 170. 
 
 Consort, Prince, 7 ; in the page- 
 boy cartoon, 1 3 ; in the " Ducal 
 Hat for Jenkins." 37, 38; 69, 
 95; frescoes ordered by, 113- 
 115,123; a " New Portrait " of, 
 135, 136, 137, 144, 159; his visit 
 to Coburg, 172, 173, 176, 177; 
 
 340
 
 INDEX 
 
 his "silver spoon," 174; the 
 "Cambridge Address" to, 
 206-209. 
 
 "Conspiracy" in London, 268. 
 
 Corn Laws, 12, 187, 194. 
 
 "Court Circular," the, ridicule 
 of, 243 and note, 260 sqq. 
 
 Courv^oisier, 165 and note. 
 
 Crick, Rev. Mr., and the Cam- 
 bridge Address to Prince Al- 
 bert, 206-209. 
 
 CroUy, Dr., 168 and note. 
 
 Cromwell, statue to, 245 and 
 note. 
 
 Crowe, A.R.A., Mr. Eyre, quota- 
 tion from his "With Thack- 
 eray in America," 144 note. 
 
 Crown, the, Thackeray's views 
 on the subject of, 240-246. 
 
 Cullen, Archbishop, allusion in 
 "John Bull Beaten " to, 298. 
 
 " Dangerous Passage," 180. 
 Davis, Thomas, (of the A'at/on) 
 
 lASsgq., 153- 
 
 De Grey, Lord, allusion in letter 
 "To Daniel O'Connell, Esq.," 
 to, 79, 80. 
 
 "Delightful Novelty," 134. 
 
 " Dilemma, A," 246, 247. 
 
 " Disgusting Violation of the 
 Rights of Property," 112. 
 
 " Disputed Genealogy, A," 209. 
 
 Disraeli, Peel's Attack on, 113; 
 twitted for not retaliating on 
 Peel, 122, 195 ; in the " Worst 
 Cut of All," 222 ; imitation of 
 his manner in " An After- 
 Dinner Conversation," 226; 
 " ^L Gobemouche's" account 
 of an accident that happened 
 to, 284, 286 sgq. 
 
 " Dog Annexation," 11 8-1 21. 
 
 " Domestic Scenes — Served with 
 a Writ," 280-282. 
 
 Doyle, Richard, 2, 14, 166, 186; 
 his withdrawal from Punch, 
 291, 292. 
 
 " Dream of the Future, A," 222. 
 
 " Dream of Joinville, The," 81- 
 84. 
 
 Drumlanrig, Lord, his motion 
 on the question of Parlia- 
 mentary Returns, 241. 
 
 Du Maurier, "Social Pictorial 
 Satire" by, 175. 176; 210. 
 
 " Ducal Hat for Jenkins, The," 
 36-38. 
 
 Duffy, Sir Charles Gavan, 144- 
 147. 
 
 Dumas, Alexandre, satirised. 
 
 '7'->0 '>'>> 
 
 Dyce, fresco for Prince Albert 
 by, 1 15, 116. 
 
 Eastlake, fresco for Prince 
 
 Albert by, 115. 
 Egyptian Hall, the " Speaking 
 
 Machine" at, 199-201. 
 " Eligible Investment, An," 49. 
 Ellenborough, Lord, presenta- 
 tion of his sword to Sir 
 
 Charles Napier, 113. 
 " Emigration to America," 266. 
 Emigration movement, 263 sqq. 
 " Erratum," (Bibliography) 323. 
 Espartero, Regent of Spain, 210. 
 Etty, frescoes for Prince Albert 
 
 by, 1 15, 1 16, 117, 122. 
 "Euphonia," the, 199-201. 
 " Eureka, The," 155, 156. 
 "Ex- King at Madame Tus- 
 
 saud's. The," 223. 
 " Excellent New Ballad of Mr. 
 
 Peel at Toledo, The," 129- 
 
 134- 
 " Excitement in Belgravia, The " 
 
 {(ircnuings), 283, 285, 286. 
 Exhibition of 1851, 284, 289, 307. 
 " Extract of a Letter on the 
 
 Late Crisis," 13, 176, 177. 
 
 Faber, Professor, and the 
 "Speaking Machine," 198, 
 199. 
 
 " Fashionable Removals," 96. 
 
 341
 
 INDEX 
 
 "Fashions, ladies'," 195. 
 
 "Father Mathew's Debts," 141. 
 
 Fielding, allusion in " Her Maj- 
 esty's Bal Poudre," to, 137. 
 
 Fleet Street "up," 179. 
 
 Follett, Sir W. W., panegyric 
 on, 164. 
 
 " For the Court Circular," 121, 
 122. 
 
 Fountains in Trafalgar Square, 
 142, 143. 
 
 "Fragments from the History 
 of Cashmere," 275-280. 
 
 France, "appointments" made 
 by the Republic of, 222, 223. 
 
 Franco- Algerian Horror, the, 
 161, 162. 
 
 " French Conspiration, The," 
 312, 315. 
 
 " French Sympathisers," 223- 
 226. 
 
 Frenchmen, Richmond Hill 
 viewed by, 175; the question 
 of their equality with Eng- 
 lishmen, 176; as " our own 
 Correspondents " in Eng- 
 land, 283-290. 
 
 Frescoes ordered by Prince Al- 
 bert, 115, 116. 
 
 " From The Own Correspond- 
 ent of the Moniteur des 
 Boulevards," 283-290. 
 
 " Gems from Jenkins," 48. 
 " Genealogy, A Disputed," 209. 
 " Genteel Christianity," 116. 
 Globe, the, and the " Balmoral 
 
 Gazette," 260 sqq. 
 "Gobemouche, M.," iZ^ysqq., 312. 
 " God Save the Queen, New 
 
 Version of," 173. 
 Gore House, 314 and note. 
 Gossett, Sir William, and a 
 
 "Speaking Machine," 199. 
 Graham, Sir James, opening of 
 
 Mazzini's letters by, 85; 106, 
 
 166 and 7iote, 167. 
 Grant, Mr. James, (editor of 
 
 AIor7mig Ad7iertiser) parodies 
 of books by, 38, 39. 
 
 "Great News! Wonderful 
 News ! Shakespeare com- 
 pressed," 50-54. 
 
 Gregg, Rev. Tresham, allusion 
 in " Punch's Regency," to, 168 
 and note. 
 
 "Grey, Lord, his Refusal to 
 Serve in Lord John Russell's 
 Government," 188, 189. 
 
 " Gross Insult to the Court," 1 22. 
 
 Hackney-coaches, 153, 154. 
 
 " Hampstead Road. A Com- 
 edy in Four Tableaux, The," 
 {dra7v/f!gs) 248-252. 
 
 Hardinge, Lord, and the post of 
 Commander-in-Chief, 186. 
 
 Haydon, (the artist) Peel's grant 
 of ^50 to, 194, 195. 
 
 "Heavies, The," {drawmg) igj, 
 198. 
 
 Heki (New Zealand chief), 167 
 and note. 
 
 " Hemigration Made Heasy," 
 264 sqq. 
 
 " Her Majesty's Bal Poudre, 
 137, 144. 
 
 " Heroic Sacrifice," 222. 
 
 " Hint for Moses, A," 86-89. 
 
 "Historical Parallel," 112, 113. 
 
 Hogarth, allusion in " Her Maj- 
 esty's Bal Poudre" to, 137, 
 138. 
 
 " Honour of the Bar, The," 1 12. 
 
 " Horrid Tragedy in Private 
 Life," {dratuiug) 204, 205. 
 
 " House at the 'West End, A," 
 34. 163. 
 
 " Household Brigade, The," 201. 
 
 " Household Brigade, Tremen- 
 dous Sufiferings of the," 158. 
 
 Howard, Lord Edward, his mar- 
 riage to Miss Talbot, 299. 
 
 Howden, Lord, succeeds Sir 
 Henry Bulwer as Ambassador 
 at Madrid, 234. 
 
 342
 
 INDEX 
 
 Hugo, Victor, " made a Peer of 
 France," 123. 
 
 Hume, Joseph, " Letter from 
 Mr. Snob " to, 240, 241. 
 
 " Humours of the House of 
 Commons," 128. 
 
 Hunt, Leigh, allusion in " On 
 the New Forward Move- 
 ment " to, 241. 
 
 "If Not : Why Not?" 306 sqq. 
 
 "Immense Opportunity," 151. 
 
 "Immolation" of Lord John 
 Russell, 289, 290. 
 
 " Important Promotions! Merit 
 Rewarded !" 36. 
 
 " Interesting Meeting," 88. 
 
 " Interesting Relic at Rosenau," 
 174. 
 
 Ireland: Thackeray's sympathy, 
 7. 765 95 ; potato famine, 13, 
 180^^^. / Ten Hours' Bill, 49; 
 " AChance Lost,"95; "Young 
 Ireland," 144 sqq.; Repeal 
 and Home Rule, 153, 218 sqq., 
 2S7. 258; New Colleges, 155 ; 
 Relief Fund, 219, 220; "Let- 
 ters to a Nobleman," 256-259, 
 271, 306; Magee's attempt to 
 incite rebellion, 271-274; col- 
 lecting rents, 308 sqq. ; the 
 Banbridge disturbance, 307 
 sqq. {Sec also O'Connell, and 
 Coercion Bill, &c.) 
 
 "Irish Curfew Bell, The," 189. 
 
 " Irish Martyrs, The," 121. 
 
 " Irish Razors," 95. 
 
 " Is there Anything in the 
 Paper.''" 267 sqq. 
 
 "Jenkins," {Afoming Post) 36, 
 
 48. 75- 
 " Jenny Wren's Remonstrance," 
 
 97, 99, 100. 
 Jerrold, Douglas, 2; amount of 
 
 his work for Punch, 9, 10, 11; 
 
 author of most of the Jenkins 
 
 papers, 49; on an election at 
 
 Woodstock, 57; 72,85, 115; 
 his "Dainty Dish," &c., 176, 
 177; 292 7iote. 
 
 "John Bull Beaten," 291-298. 
 
 " John Jones's Remonstrance 
 about the Buckingham Busi- 
 ness," 183-185. 
 
 "Joinville," 64-71, 81-84, 176. 
 
 " Joinville, The Dream of," 81- 
 
 84. 
 " joinville's Amateur- Invasion 
 
 of England, The Prince de." 
 
 64-71. 
 Jones, Mr. George, attack on, 
 
 101, 183. 
 
 Kelly, Sir Fitzroy, mentioned 
 
 in " Punch's Regency," 167 
 
 and twte. 
 Kemble, Charles, lampoon in 
 
 "Great News! Wonderful 
 
 News !" on, 50-54. 
 " Kitchen Melodies," 202, 203. 
 
 Lacordaire, Abbe, funeral ser- 
 mon on O'Connell by, 218. 
 
 " Lady L.'s Journal of a Visit to 
 Foreign Courts," 45-48. 
 
 Laflfan, Archdeacon, 220. 
 
 Lamartine, M., his power of en- 
 durance in debate, 222. 
 
 Land-grabbing in the Colonies, 
 149-151. 
 
 Landseer, satirised in the Acad- 
 emy review, 56; fresco for 
 Prince Albert by, 1 1 5, 1 1 7. 
 
 " Last Insult to Poor Old Ire- 
 land, The," 96. 
 
 " Latest from America," see 
 "Animated Discussion," &c. 
 
 "Latest from the Continent," 
 
 253-255- 
 " Latest from Mexico, 215-217. 
 
 Law, Mr., the Recorder, 128. 
 
 Ledru-Rollin, epigram on, 255. 
 
 Leech, John, 11, 12, 13, 14; re- 
 view of his drawings by 
 Thackeray, 90; 149, 155,417; 
 
 343
 
 INDEX 
 
 his cartoons relating to the 
 royal visit to Coburg, 176; 
 189; his cartoon " The Tailor's 
 Goose," 248 ; his cartoon on 
 journalistic intrusions upon 
 royalty, 259; his "No Popery " 
 cartoon, 274, 295. 
 
 " Legend of Jawbrahim-Herau- 
 dee, The," 17-33. 
 
 Leigh, Percival, amount of his 
 work in Punch, 9, 10; resem- 
 blance of his style to Thack- 
 eray's, 164, 165 ; " Professor of 
 Belles Lettres," 292 and Jiote. 
 
 Lemon, Mark, number of car- 
 toons proposed by, 10. 
 
 " Les Premieres Armes de Mont- 
 pensier; or, Munchausen out- 
 done," 50. 
 
 Leslie, fresco from Prince 
 Albert by, 115. 
 
 " Letters to a Nobleman visiting 
 Ireland," 256-259, 271, 306. 
 
 "Liberal Reward," 113. 
 
 Liberty, religious, 280-282. 
 
 Lincoln, Lord, in "The Irish 
 Curfew Bell," 189. 
 
 "Literary Intelligence," 94. 
 
 " Literary News," 123, 124. 
 
 Liverpool, victimising a trades- 
 man of, 213. 
 
 London, in August, 175; "con- 
 spiracy" in, 268. 
 
 Londonderry House, festivities 
 at, 154. 
 
 Louis Napoleon, special consta- 
 ble in London, 231 note. 
 
 Louis Philippe, King, second in 
 Peel's duel with Polk, 11; 
 caricature of, 15; and Lord 
 Brougham, 44; as a " pauvre 
 malheureux," 91, 92; at the 
 revolution of 1830, 188; re- 
 lations with Spain, 210; his 
 flight to England, 223, 255 ; at 
 Madame Tussaud's, 223; as a 
 model husband and father, 
 244. 
 
 " Love Songs of the Fat Con- 
 tributor," 204, 205. 
 
 " Love Songs Made Easy," 204. 
 
 Lyndhurst, Lord, 12, 85. 
 
 Lytton, Bulwer, allusion in 
 "Jawbrahim - Heraudee" to, 
 34; described in " Leaves 
 from the Lives of the Lords 
 of Literature," 44, 45; a joke 
 on his change of names, 48. 
 
 Lytton- Bulwer, Sir Henry, ^^^ 
 Bulwer, Sir Henry. 
 
 Macaulay, and the question 
 
 of Repeal, 258. 
 MacHale, Dr. (Archbishop of 
 
 Tuam), 168 and nofc, 298. 
 "Machine, The Speaking," 198- 
 
 201. 
 Maclise, satirised in Academy 
 
 review, 56. 
 Maidstone, Lord, verses in the 
 
 Morning Post by, 97, 98. 
 " Malony,' Miss, and Father 
 
 Luke," 182. 
 Marble Arch, the, 166 and note, 
 
 lyz note. 
 Marlborough, Duke of, satire 
 
 in " A Rare New Ballad of 
 
 Malbrook" on, 58-61. 
 Mathew, Father, debts of, 141. 
 " May Difiference of Opinion 
 
 Never Alter Friendship !" 
 
 (Drawing) 195. 
 Mayhew, Henry, suggests the 
 
 " new page-boy " cartoon, 13. 
 Mayhew, Horace, average per 
 
 volume of his contributions 
 
 to Punch, 9, 10. 
 Mazzini, opening of his letters 
 
 by Sir James Graham, 85. 
 Meagher, T. F., his meeting 
 
 with Thackeray in America, 
 
 145 note. 
 " Meditations on Solitude," 174- 
 
 176. 
 " Meeting between the Sultan 
 
 and MehemetAli.'xi., 195-197. 
 
 344
 
 INDEX 
 
 Mehemet Ali, the Sultan's 
 meeting with, xi., 195-197. 
 
 " Mexico, Latest from," 215-127. 
 
 "MiHtary IntelHgence," 160. 
 
 " Military Correspondence," 249, 
 252, 253. 
 
 "Miss Malony and Father 
 Luke," 182. 
 
 "Mixed boon," a, definition of, 
 214. 
 
 Montgomery, Rev. Robert, al- 
 lusion in " Jawbrahim-Herau- 
 dee " to, 34. 
 
 Montpensier, Due de, and his 
 tutor, 50. 
 
 Moore, Tom, allusion in " Jaw- 
 brahim-Heraudee" to, 34. 
 
 " Moorish Designs," 90. 
 
 "Moral Young Man, The," 39. 
 
 MortiiHg Chronicle, the, 222. 
 
 Morning Herald, 1 74. 
 
 Morning Post, 34, 36, 48, 75; 
 verses by Lord Maidstone in, 
 97, 98; and the Duke of Well- 
 ington, 123. 
 
 "Moses, A Hint for," 86-89. 
 
 "Most Noble Festivities," 154. 
 
 Museums on Sunday, opening 
 of, 138-140. 
 
 Napier, Sir Charles, presenta- 
 tion of Lord EUenborough's 
 sword to, 1 13. 
 
 " Napoleon of Peace, To the," 
 
 95. 96- 
 Nathan, "Baron," 36. 
 
 Xation, the, drawings and verses 
 contributed by Thackeray to, 
 147, 148. 
 
 Navy, the, smoking in, 190-194. 
 
 Neate, Mr., unseated for Oxford, 
 
 4- 
 Nelson, statue to, 88. 
 " Never mind losing the first 
 
 heat," &c., cartoon suggested 
 
 by Thackeray, 14, 187. 
 " New Forward Movement, On 
 
 the," 240-245. 
 
 " New Naval Drama, A," 19a- 
 194. 
 
 '• New Peers Spiritual, The," 
 215. 
 
 " New Portrait of H.R.H. Prince 
 Albert," 134-136. 
 
 " New Version of God Save the 
 Queen," 173. 
 
 " New Zealand, Stiggins in," 149, 
 150. 
 
 Nicholas, Emperor, visit to 
 England of, 71-75, 78; sub- 
 scription to the Wellington 
 and Nelson statues, 88. 
 
 "No Business of Ours," 299- 
 306. 
 
 " Notice. Leaves from the Lives 
 of the Lords of Literature," 
 
 39- 
 "Nut for the Paris Charivari, 
 A," 88. 
 
 O'CONNELL, Daniel, Thacke- 
 ray's sympathy with, 76-80; 
 lines to, 92-94; debts of, 141; 
 allusions in " Young Ireland " 
 to, 145-147; the "creed" of, 
 153; eulogised by Father 
 Luke, 182, 183; attacked in 
 "Punch's Tribute " to, 180, 
 181 ; Abbe Lacordaire's fu- 
 neral sermon on, 218. 
 
 "O'Connell, Daniel, Esq., Cir- 
 cular Road, Dublin, To," 76- 
 80. {See also " Punch to Dan- 
 iel O'Connell in Prison.") 
 
 O'Connell, John, 153, 219, 221, 
 256. 
 
 " Ode to Sibthorp, by the Poet 
 Laureate," 124-128. 
 
 "Old Duke, The," 185. 186. 
 
 "Old England for Ever!" 222. 
 
 " On the New Forward Move- 
 ment," 240-245. 
 
 Opening of museums on Sun- 
 days, 138-140. 
 
 Oregon question, the, 11, 12, 14, 
 190. 
 
 345
 
 INDEX 
 
 Ostend, a visit to, 254, 255. 
 Oxford, Thackeray's candida- 
 ture for the representation of, 
 
 3-7- 
 "Oxford Public Oratory," 213, 
 
 214. 
 " Oysters in Your Own Basins," 
 
 174. 
 
 " Painter's Wish, A," 116, 117. 
 
 Palmerston, Lord, 188, 189; his 
 interference with the internal 
 afifairsof Spain. 234. 235; cari- 
 catured in "The Portfolio," 
 235-240. 
 
 " Papal aggression," 274 sqq., 
 283, 290 and note. 
 
 Peel, Sir Robert, (i) in the Ore- 
 gon cartoon, 1 1 ; as the sulky 
 ex -page boy, 13; 112, 122; 
 "dishing the Whigs," 142; 
 allusion in "Allegory of the 
 Fountains" to, 143, 157, 166, 
 and note 167; resignation and 
 resumption of office, 187, 188; 
 his leave-taking of office, 194; 
 assistance to Haydon, 194, 
 195; 201, 286. 
 
 Peel, Sir Robert, (2) verses on 
 an adventure of, 129-134; "at 
 Toledo," 134. 
 
 Pelissier, Colonel, massacre of 
 Arabs by, 161, 162, 176. 
 
 Picture-galleries, opening on 
 Sundays of, 1 38-141. 
 
 Poetry, sale of, 211, 212. 
 
 Poland, fund for, 72, 74. 
 
 Politics reflected in Thacke- 
 ray's anonymous work, 3-7. 
 
 Polk, President, 11, 117 sqq., 
 
 233- 
 
 Popery, .f(Y' Anti-Roman Catho- 
 lic Campaign, Papal Aggres- 
 sion, " No Business of Ours," 
 &c. 
 
 "Pork and Molasses Bill, Ani- 
 mated Discussion of the," 63, 
 64. 
 
 " Portfolio, The." 235-240. 
 Powis, Earl, candidate for the 
 
 Chancellorship of Cambridge 
 
 University, 205. 
 Praetorius, Dr., 172, 173. 
 Press and the Bar, the, 164, 165. 
 Pretender, Spanish, pretensions 
 
 of, 156, 157. 
 Pritchard, Mr., British consul 
 
 at Tahiti, 96. 
 "Promotion for Brougham," 
 
 189. 
 Pseudonyms of Thackera}\ i, 
 
 34, 76, 163, 271. 283. 
 " Punch to Daniel in Prison," 
 
 92-94. 
 " Punch in the East, Mr.," 10. 
 " Punch on the Fine Arts, Mr.," 
 
 137-139- 
 " Punch to the Public," 85. 
 " Punch to the Oueen of Spain," 
 
 209, 210. 
 "Punch for Repeal, Mr.," 218- 
 
 222. 
 " Punch's Fine Art Exhibition," 
 
 90. 
 " Punch's Regency," 166-169. 
 " Punch's Tribute to O'Con- 
 
 nell," I 80-182. 
 
 "Queen's Bal Costume, or, 
 Powder and Ball, The," 136, 
 137. 
 
 Railway mania, 178, 179. 
 
 " Railways, A Seasonable Word 
 on," 178, 179. 
 
 " Rare New Ballad of Malbrook, 
 A," 58-61. 
 
 " Reasons why I shall not send 
 my Son, Gustavus Frederic, 
 to Trinity College, Cam- 
 bridge," 1 58-161. 
 
 " Regency, Punch's," 166-169. 
 
 Religious libertv, 280-282. 
 
 " Repeal, Mr. Punch for," 218- 
 
 " Revolution in France," 96. 
 
 346
 
 INDEX 
 
 "Reward, Liberal," 113. 
 Richmond, Duke of, 189, 308. 
 Richmond Hill, Frenchmen's 
 
 opinion of, 175. 
 Ritchie, Mrs. Richmond, vii.. 
 
 '2 ^01 T 
 
 Roebuck, Mr., challenged by 
 
 Mr. Somers to a duel, 155. 
 Rogers, Samuel, 42. 
 " Rosenau, Interesting Relic at," 
 
 173. 174- 
 
 Rosenau, Prince Albert's visit 
 to, 172. 
 
 Ross, fresco by, 1 1 5. 
 
 " Royal Academy, Mr. Smith's 
 Reasons for not sending his 
 Pictures to the," 1 13. 
 
 " Royal Patronage of Art," 122, 
 123. 
 
 " Rules to be observed by the 
 English People on the occa- 
 sion of the visit of his Im- 
 perial Majesty, Nicholas, Em- 
 peror of all the Russias," 71-75. 
 
 " Running Rein Morality," 90. 
 
 Russell, Lord John, in the Ore- 
 gon cartoon, 11 ; as the new 
 page-boy, 13; allusion in "Al- 
 legory of the Fountains " to, 
 143 ; his failure to form a Cab- 
 inet, 187, 241 ; and Papal Ag- 
 gression, 274, 295, 296, 285 ; 
 his "immolation," 289, 290. 
 
 Russia: appointment of a young 
 prince as colonel, 160; "Lord 
 Pumicestone's Despatch" to, 
 237-240. {See also Nicholas, 
 Emperor.) 
 
 Sala, George Augustus, 315 
 7iote. 
 
 Salutes, royal, cost of, 262. 
 
 " Sauitarianism and Insanita- 
 rianism," 263. 
 
 Saxony, King of, 34, 76. 
 
 " Scholastic," 163. 
 
 Schoolboys, Thackeray's sym- 
 pathy for, 163. 
 
 " Seasonable Word on Rail- 
 ways, A," 178, 179. 
 " Serenade," 172, 173. 
 Shakespeare, "compressed," 50- 
 
 54- 
 
 " Shameful Case of Letter 
 Opening," 106 sqq. 
 
 Sibthorp, Colonel, "Ode" to, 
 124-128. 
 
 "Sick Child, The," 34. 
 
 " Side-Box Talk, A," xiii., 274. 
 
 " Signs of a Move," 211. 
 
 " Signs of the Times," 195. 
 
 " Simile, A," 256. 
 
 " Smith's Reasons for not send- 
 ing his Pictures to the Royal 
 Academy, Mr.," 113. 
 
 Smoking in the Navy, 190-194. 
 
 Snobbery at Cambridge, 1 58-161. 
 
 " Social Pictorial Satire," Du 
 Maurier's, 175, 176. 
 
 "Soldiering," 161, 162. 
 
 Somers, Mr., challenges Mr. 
 Roebuck to a duel, 155. 
 
 " Sonnick sejested by Prince 
 Halbert gratiously killing the 
 staggs at Sacks 
 Gothy," 177. 
 
 Souk, Marshal, on the massacre 
 of Arabs, 162. 
 
 Soyer, Al'exis, 313, 314, 315. 
 
 Spain, pretensions of the Pre- 
 tender in, 156; treaties with, 
 157^159; "Punch to the 
 Oueen of," 209, 210; Lord 
 Palmerston's interference in 
 the affairs of, 234, 235. 
 
 " Speaking Machine, The," 198- 
 201. 
 
 "Split in Conciliation Hall," 
 144. 
 
 " Stags, The, a Drama of To- 
 day," 170, 171. 
 
 Standa}-d, the, description of 
 Peel's attack upon Disraeli 
 in, 113. 
 
 Stanfield, fresco for Prince Al- 
 bert bv, 1 15. 
 
 Cobug- 
 
 347
 
 INDEX 
 
 Stanley, Lord, at the Colonial 
 
 Office, 157, 167 and note. 
 " Stiggins in New Zealand," 149, 
 
 150. 
 "Strange Insult to the King ofi 
 
 Saxony," 34, 76. 
 Sultan, the, his meeting with 
 
 Mehemet Ali, 195, 197. 
 Sunday, opening of museums 
 
 on, 138-140. 
 
 Tahiti, conduct of the French 
 at, 95, 96. 
 
 Talbot, Miss, the case of, 299 s^^. 
 
 Talfourd, Mr. Serjeant, allusion 
 in " Punch's Regency " to, 169. 
 
 Tangiers, French operations 
 against, 95, 99 uofe. 
 
 Tawell (the murderer), 165 and 
 nofe, 167 and /lo/t;. 
 
 Taylor, Tom, number of his 
 contributions to, 9, 10. 
 
 Ten Hours' Bill, 49. 
 
 Texas, the ownership of, 117- 
 121. 
 
 Thackeray, W. M., his pseudo- 
 nyms, I, 34, 76, 163, 271, 283; 
 reasons for leaving Punch, 2; 
 political opinions revealed in 
 his anonymous work, 2, 3; 
 candidature for Oxford, 3-7 ; 
 amount of his work for PitncJi, 
 8-11 ; cartoons suggested by 
 him, II -15, 165, 187, 189; 
 (Bibliography) 338. {See also 
 tinder titles of his contribu- 
 tions^ 
 
 Thiery, Colonel, tutor of the 
 Due de Montpensier, 50. 
 
 " Tickletoby's Lectures on Eng- 
 lish History, Miss," xiii., 16. 
 
 Times, the, an illustrated com- 
 ment on an advertisement in, 
 49; a literary advertisement 
 in, 211 ; of the 23rd Septem- 
 ber 1848, 267 sqq. 
 
 " To the Napoleon of Peace," 
 95. 96. 
 
 "Tradesmen, Caution to," 213. 
 
 Trafalgar Square, fountains in, 
 142-144 ; French agitator ha- 
 rangues a mob in, 223-224. 
 
 " Traitors to the British Gov- 
 ernment," 271-274. 
 
 " Tremendous Sufferings of the 
 Household Brigade," 158. 
 
 "Tribute to Daniel O'Connell," 
 Punch's, 180-182. 
 
 Turf scandal, 90. 
 
 Turkey, " Lord Pumicestone's 
 Despatch " to, 235, 237. {^See 
 also Sultan.) 
 
 Turner, J. M. VV., burlesqued, 
 55 ; offer of a Birmingham 
 tradesman to, 122. 
 
 Tussaud's, Madame, Louis Na- 
 poleon at, 223. 
 
 Uniforms, military, 248, 252, 
 
 253- 
 Union Club, Trafalgar Square, 
 
 142-144. 
 United IrisJunan, the, 222. 
 Uwins, the artist, fresco for 
 
 Prince Albert by, 115. 
 
 Victoria, Queen, in the page- 
 boy cartoon, 13; and the 
 Irish question, 78, 79, 95, 159; 
 her visit to Coburg, 172, 173; 
 intrusion of journalists into 
 her life at Balmoral, 259- 
 263. 
 
 Villiers, Charles, and the anti- 
 Corn Law agitation, 188. 
 
 " Virginians," the question of 
 the authorship of Chap. IV., 
 Vol. II., 212 note. 
 
 " War between the Press and 
 the Bar," 164, 165. 
 
 Wellington, Duke of, an Acad- 
 emy portrait of, 55, 56; Can- 
 tillon's attempt to assassinate, 
 65; statue to, 88, 89; and the 
 Morning Post, 123; allusions 
 
 348
 
 INDEX 
 
 in " Punch's Regency " to, 167 
 and 7wic, 169; his retention 
 of the post of Commander-in- 
 Chief, 185. 186. 
 
 Westminster Hall Competition, 
 88. 
 
 Wethered sales, the, 116. 
 
 "What has happened to the 
 Morni)ig CJirojiicle ?" 122. 
 
 "What siiould Irish members 
 do in regard to the Ten 
 Hours' Bill?" 49. 
 
 "What's Come to the Clubs?" 
 201. 
 
 "Where are the Hackney- 
 coaches gone to?" 153. 
 
 Whewell, Dr., snobbery of, 158- 
 160. 
 
 "Who's Afraid? or. The Ore- 
 gon Question," 11, 12. 
 
 Williams, Rev. Charles, his rem- 
 iniscences of Thackeray's can- 
 didature for Oxford, 3-7. 
 
 Wiseman, Cardinal, as "Cardi- 
 nal Wiseboy," 280-283; in 
 "John Bull Beaten," 292, 293. 
 
 " Wooden Shoe and the Buf- 
 falo-Indians," 101-106. 
 
 Woodstock, elections at, 57. 
 
 Wordsworth, parodied, 1 24-1 28. 
 
 " Worst Cut of All, The," 222. 
 
 "X. Y. Z.," 211, 212 and note. 
 
 "Young Ireland," 145, 222. 
 
 " Young Yankee-Noodle teach- 
 ing Grandmother Britannia 
 to suck eggs," cartoon by 
 Thackeray of. 14, 15, 189. 
 
 "You're Another," 128. 
 
 THF. END
 
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