; ; STRUAN STRUAN A NOVEL BY Julia Magruder AUTHOR OF The Princess Sonia, A Beautiful Alien, ETC. "When half-gods go, The gods arrive." EMERSON. BOSTON Richard G. Badger The Gorbam Press 1903 COPYRIGHT 1898 BY RICHARD G. BAncir. 4 Co. All Rights Reserved Printed at The Gorham Press Boston STRUAN I. AT the age of nineteen, Jenny Lacy felt herself a woman, and a self-made one. Looking backward on her birthday morn- ing, she was conscious of a sense of satisfaction. It was incomplete, however ; for she was yet far from her goal, which was to become a popular singer of light opera. On the other hand, she was quite as far from the starting-point, a distinct and never-to-be forgotten day, five years ago, when this daring ambition had entered her mind and an- chored itself in her soul. Since that day she had worked toward her pur- pose with the concentration of a passion, and now, at nineteen., she saw success in sight. She had reached this point in her career by her own unaided efforts, a fact pleasant to think upon, now that the goal, though distant, was I 2061916 2 STRUAN visible ; but she freely acknowledged that, along the weary way which she had come, she would by no means have scorned help, had she, at any time, seen her way to getting it. Jenny had been ambitious from her childhood, though it had been long before she got a sufficient insight into life to understand that her restless- ness, her excitability, her resentment of the actual about her, was in reality ambition ; and it had been some time, even after getting that knowledge, before she had seen her way to any outlet for these inward strivings. It had come, at last, with the knowledge that she had a voice, not merely such a voice as could make pleasant music in Sunday-school and at " Commencement," but such a voice as the big outside world might one day be willing to listen to. And that was the world of Jenny's dream. This dream of hers which had lasted, with- out a break, from her fourteenth to her nineteenth year had both a locality and a hero. The for- mer was the city of New York : the latter was Lucien Struan, the distinguished musician, con- ductor, and composer. Jenny's first knowledge of Struan had come from hearing some one read aloud a newspaper article about him one of the fulsome, melodra- STRUAN 3 inatic things which do yet, at times, become elec- trified by their subject, and informed with a certain dynamic element which even clap-trap writing and a vulgar point of view cannot disguise. Undoubtedly, Struan was such a subject. There was magnetism in the man. All who came near him felt it, and it seemed even to extend to what was said and written about him. Many who skipped other personal paragraphs read those that related to Struan. And, when his name was men- tioned, people generally stopped to hear what was said. The article which had so influenced Jenny had many of the faults of its kind. It was sensa- tional and overstrained and effusive ; but, in spite of all this, it had, somehow, got into it some of the quality of the man. And Jenny, who had never felt the touch of such an influence before, vibrated to it through all her childish being. The article had a picture of its subject printed with it, a common wood-cut, which, however, like the writing, had a certain character in it, and which possessed the soul of Jenny, and played upon its sensitiveness more than any perfect beauty that she had ever seen. Quite unknown to any, for she was reserved n her nature, and had never had a confidant, 4 STRUAN the ardent little girl took all her money and bought the most beautiful blank book that she could find in the town, and pasted this picture on its first page, followed by the sketch of Struan. This sketch described him leading his orchestra, and did not deal with the personalities of his life outside his musical career. So it introduced Jenny to him as a great musician and a powerfully at- tractive man, but told her nothing more. After that, it became a habit with her to scan every newspaper that fell in her way, in search of the potent name ; and, as time went on, her pretty scrap-book got richer and richer with the accounts of her hero's triumphant progress in his chosen field of labor and self-expression. Even Jenny could form some conception of what such triumphs must be, for she had her own uncomprehended little thrills and stirrings when her voice would rise high above the rest in the Sunday-school singing, and people would turn and look, or when, at school commencements, she sang, as she knew, far better than any one else. There was no friend, however, to praise Jenny when she did well or to stimulate her to do better. Her parents were dead, and she lived with a phlegmatic and hard-working sister-in-law, who saw nothing in music, at best, and looked upon STRUAN 5 Jenny's pretty carolling as rather a nuisance than otherwise. Jenny's brother sent her to school, and gave her such advantages as the little Western village had to offer, and she was kindly treated, on the whole. But no one ever had even a glim- mer of such thoughts about her as those which she indulged in for herself. And, always, the centre of her system was Lu- cien Struan. Somehow or other, she must find the way of going to New York, and taking sing- ing-lessons from Struan. Afterward as far as she ever paused now, to look beyond that goal of glory she meant to go on the stage. With this idea firmly planted in her mind, it was amazing to see how silently and steadily, as the passing years changed her from a child to a rapidly maturing girl, Jenny managed to work toward her end. She studied well at school, and practised her music with an ardor and industry which amazed her teachers. She got from them the best attention and instruction that they were capable of giving ; and when she went quite be- yond them, as she soon did, she contrived to go for lessons, once a week, to a larger place about ten miles away. At the same time she was culti- vating, more through her own intuition than from any other source, a talent which she had for reci- 6 STRUAN tation. By the time that she was seventeen she was being paid for her services in singing and re- citing at concerts and such entertainments. As she was incontestably pretty and had a talent for picturesque dressing, she soon became a favor- ite, and might have gone on to a much greater success in this limited field. But a limited field was not to Jenny's taste. She never swerved from her original purpose, and for two years she went about, filling engagements to sing and recite, working hard all the time at her music ; and now, by dint of good management and strict economy, she had saved enough for her cherished purpose, the removal to New York and the lessons from Struan. Meantime she. had followed him from afar through every step of his public career, and her scrap-book was full and overflowing. The origi- nal picture had been added to by many others, some ideally handsome and straight-featured, some repellently rough and rugged, according to the art or the caprice of wood-cutter or photographer; but all, in some inscrutable way, were Struan, with the mark of his own character on them. Jenny had grown up exceptionally free from training or mental direction of any kind. Her brother and her sister-in-law recognized the fact STRUAN 7 that she was an alien, having nothing in common with them and their children. Being themselves dull and practical people, with far more conscious- ness of physical than of spiritual needs, they left Jenny to her own devices, and to such a system of morals as she might get from her own somewhat unaccountable nature and from the leadings of her teachers at school and Sunday-school, whom Jenny, more or less, despised. So she was wonderfully free from trammels of every kind, both those from without and those from within, when she arrived in New York. She was not on the pinnacle of success ; but she was high enough, after her dull, struggling life, to find her present position an almost dangerous eminence. She was feeling a little giddy in consequence, when she opened her eyes the first morning in her quiet boarding-house, chosen chiefly for economy. Her spirit, however, was all undaunted, as she dressed herself for the great event of her first meeting with Struan. She had by nature a spirit, unconventional and unafraid, and had always gone far ahead of her companions, doing and venturing things which sufficiently accounted for her positive self-secure and, it must be owned, somewhat con- ceited little manner. 8 STRUAN There was nothing of this manner in her now, however. She had sloughed it off, at her entrance to New York ; and, at the thought of her meet- ing with Struan, she was almost pathetically humble. It was as much to Jenny as an audience with the king to a royalist. She knew that Struan had never been a public singer himself, but she knew that he was a power of whom public singers stood in awe. It was not that, however, which made her feel humble and timid for the first time in her life. Struan was said to be wilful, capri- cious, impulsive ; hard and tyrannical or gentle and winning, as the case might be. But it was hot this, either. She knew he was a big man, whose name and co-operation made any enterprise that depended upon public support a success. But it was not this. She knew, also, that he had cer- tain great qualities of heart which made him of so prodigal a generosity to any friend in trouble that, more than once, it had practically impover- ished him. In her narrow sphere, she had known nothing like any of these things ; yet it was none of these that gave her such strange feelings now. Jenny had carefully planned her costume for this occasion, telling herself that it was a matter of importance, since she hoped to be a public singer, that he should see her looking her best. STRUAN 9 Now, as she dressed for this meeting, an insidious suggestion came to her mind that perhaps she was not so smart, seen in a city mirror, as she had seemed to herself at home. Was there not even something the least bit countrified in her appear- ance ? This suspicion, in spite of her, made her feel like crying, and kept her heart rather heavy all the time that she was going down town in the street-cars. As she looked out of the window and eagerly compared herself to the girls who were walking on the street, the conviction deep- ened. Her misgivings about her dress suggested others about her voice ; and, for perhaps a quarter of an hour, she wished herself back at home, and felt that she could be content to remain in obscurity. It was not in Jenny, however, to be cowardly. She rallied her forces, and put on a very resolute air, as she mounted the steps of the house of which she had come in search, and read on a small sign, among others fastened at the side of the door, the all-potent name of Lucien Struan. She touched the bell, and stood waiting, with a trembling heart. A boy, preoccupied and indiffer- ent in his manner, opened the door, and she asked if Mr. Struan was in. (How like a dream it was ! Almost as if she had called at Olympus, and in- io STRUAN quired of Ganymede for Jove.) The boy an- swered in the affirmative, but demanded whether or not she had an appointment. Having written the day before to say that she would call at this hour, she boldly replied that she had. The phlegmatic youth then led her down a long pas- sage, and ushered her into a small reception-room, where she was requested to wait. She had given her card, and with it the boy disappeared. In a moment he came back, said briefly that her card had been sent in, and then went his indiffer- ent way, and left her there alone. Jenny sat still and waited with a fluttering heart. Various sounds came to her, but all were strange, unsympathetic, uncongenial. Occasion- ally some one would hurry through the room, glancing at her inhospitably. It seemed a very long while that she waited. It must have been more than an hour. After a while the boy who had admitted her passed through the room, without looking at her. When he came back, she asked him if Mr. Struan had received her card. He gave a careless affirmative reply, and went off down the long passage. Still she sat and waited for a summons, which did not come. She began to feel that, if that door opened again for any one who passed her by in STRUAN ii this cold and heartless way, she should lose her self-command, and cry. The door opened again. A man came in, with his hat on. At sight of her, he lifted it, mechani- cally, and would have passed on, but that he met her glance, and it arrested him. The man's face was dark. It had deep lines and rugged contours. It looked, at this moment, slightly haggard, and as if concentrated on some perplexing thought. The eyes, steady and serious rather than large, were sunk deep under strongly modelled brows. He was older than she had ex- pected to see him, older, and not so handsome. But she knew him at once. " Can I do anything for you ? " he said, re-act- ing, as she saw, from the impulse which, at first sight of her, had urged him to hurry on. For an instant she was totally unable to speak. The long and anxious time of waiting had strained her nervous endurance much. Added to this, the impression which she received from the man be- fore her an impression of power and importance made her small claims to his attention seem unwarranted, and even absurd. She was humili- ated to feel her eyes fill with tears. Evidently, he noticed this. " Come into my office," he said kindly. " Did you wish to see me ? I am Lucien Struan." 12 STRUAN She nodded, without speaking ; and he led the way down a short passage, and opened a door at its end. There was a screen before this doorj and, when she had walked round it, she found herself in a large room, with an office-desk covered with papers on one side of it and a grand piano on the other. Going quickly to a table, he brought her a glass of water. She had been struggling hard for self- command, and with success. When she had swallowed the water and returned the glass to him, she was able to speak calmly. "I am Miss Lacy, Jenny Lacy," she said. " I wrote you a note yesterday, to say that I would call this morning at eleven." A look of deprecation came into his face. " I have to beg your pardon," he said. " 1 think I got the note, and I should have had it answered. I did not notice that it said to-day. Tell me what I can do for you." " But I fear you haven't time " " One may always have time by taking it," he said. " My business now is with you." " I wrote you," began Jenny, choking a little, " that I wanted to go on the stage, to be a public singer." " Ah ! did you ? " he said, and she fancied an STRUAN 13 inflection of disappointment in his voice. While she was wondering at this, he said abruptly, Why ? " Jenny looked at him, puzzled. " Why do you wish to become a public singer ? " he said. " Because," she began, wonderingly, " be- cause I want to." u Is there any one depending on you for sup- port or help ? " "No." " Is it necessary for you to make your own living ? " " No," she said, " it's not for that " For what, then ? " he said abruptly. He looked searchingly into her eyes ; but, as she did not at once reply, he turned, and said with a change of tone : " But, first, we will try your voice." Going to the piano, he raised it, and motioned her to come to his side. " What will you sing ? " he said, seating him- self. She mentioned a song. It was one of his own compositions. He recognized the compliment by the briefest possible bow, as he struck the chords. H STRUAN What a master touch ! Already Jenny real- ized that it was different from anything she had ever heard before. It roused her to a change of o mood, and she even suspected that the brief in- troduction which he played had its influence upon him as well. His powerful body swayed gently to the waves of sound, and his face showed also their soothing touch. At last, with the firm stroke of one finger, he sounded the resonant note for Jenny to begin. At first, her voice trembled, and her recent emotion made it a trifle husky. But, as she went resolutely on, it cleared ; and she knew that she was doing her best. Breathlessly, she waited for him to speak. He did so with promptness and decision. " You have a charming voice," he said " not great, in any sense, but charming. Still, I do not advise you to go on the stage." " Or even to sing in public ? " she asked with a sinking heart. " Or even to sing in public. Why should you ? " Jenny could not speak for the instant ; and, as she was silent, he went on : " If you had one of the great voices of the world, I should say that you owed a debt to your STRUAN 15 generation ; but your voice, pretty as it is, is only one of many. Your place can easily be filled by substitute. I advise you to return to your home and the life you have left." " I refuse ! " cried Jenny, hotly. " I hate that stupid life." Then, feeling that she had lost con- trol of herself, she added more calmly : " I don't want you to suppose that I had any ridiculous ideas about my voice, or thought myself likely to become a great singer. I was never so conceited. And, as to owing a debt to the world, I never talked any such nonsense to myself since I was born. I have thought that the world owed me something, and it's that that I am trying to get. Suppose my voice is only ordinary. I can improve it, or, at least, get an ordinary singer's position, provided I work hard and acquire a good method. That is what I came here to do. Will you give me lessons ? " The great man looked at her shrewdly for a few seconds. Then he said : " My charges are high, twenty dollars a lesson." Jenny did not flinch. " Will you teach me ? " she said. " How many lessons would you want to take ? " 16 STRUAN He had to lower his eyes, to prevent her seeing in them the amused consciousness of the fact that she was doing a sum in mental arithmetic. Presently she said firmly : " Fifteen." " That would not be enough," he said. " For the present it would. I'd come back next year." "And work for the money meanwhile, I sup- pose ! " She nodded, without speaking. " You are determined, then ? " "Yes, I'm determined. If you will not teach me, I'll get some one else, the next best." He hesitated just a moment. Then he said de- cidedly : 41 If your mind is quite made up, I will teach you. But will you sit down a moment, and let me have a little talk with you ? " Jenny took the chair to which he pointed, and he seated himself opposite. " There are certain lessons which I might teach you," he said, " and which I should like to teach you, that it would be far more to your advantage to learn than these singing-lessons that your heart is so set upon." "Yes," she said, as if she thought she caught STRUAN 17 his meaning, " I know well enough that there are other things in which I need instruction, lessons in life, which I am as anxious to learn as I am to learn singing. I shall get both together here in New York. I cannot endure the narrowness of my life at home. I am sick of the stagnation of it. Life is slipping past me, and I've made no use of it. I am not willing to die before I have lived. The danger of that makes me wild." "And what do you mean by l living ' ? " " Feeling ! " she said, throwing out her hand with one of those gestures which had made her successful as a public reciter; for there was natural force and sympathy in it. " I have had nothing worthy to be called feeling in my life, unless it be the feverish desire to feel ! I'd far rather suffer through feeling than not feel at all. It's all very well for you people who live in a world of action and movement to recommend quiet and repose to the rest of us, who have had it till we are sick of it. No, Mr. Struan, I shall not take your advice. I have worked for years to prepare myself for the stage, and I am not going to be balked by any tiresome ideas about prudence and discretion. . I know what you would say, and of course I thank you very much for caring what becomes of me. All I ask of you now, however. i8 STRUAN is to teach me to sing. Do that, and I'll take care of the rest. If I am only fitted for a second or third rate place on the stage, I'll take it, and make the most of it." Struan's eyes were very penetrating. He fixed them on her now, as he said : "There's no use, I suppose, in telling you that you will probably regret it ? " " None in the world. If I regret it, it will be my own regret. I shall trouble no one else with it." " Advice would be wasted here, I see," said Struan. "So I will be wise, and refrain. You could never be made to believe now that the time may come when the thought of one hour's mental stagnation would be a dream of bliss to you. It is a heavier weariness to be tired of feeling than to be tired of not feeling, especially if it should so happen that feeling is mostly pain ; and that may be, you know." He got up then, and with a sudden show of hurry began to arrange the hours for the lessons. They were to be twice a week, at this place, at ten in the morning. These details settled, he went with her through the long passage, and down to the door, where a cab stood waiting. Looking at his watch, he gave a little exclamation of sur- STRUAN 19 prise, and sprang into the vehicle, telling the cab- man to driv quickly to a given address. After that first meeting, the great man's manner toward his young pupil changed. She found him a strict teacher, who rarely spoke, except to in- struct, and who seemed quite to have lost sight of her as an independent individuality. , Jenny practised hard, and threw her whole soul into the effort to compel some expression of praise from him. Sometimes he would look as if he approved ; but, as he said nothing, she began to think him obstinate. She could see that, under the marvellous instruction he gave her, she was making great progress ; and she wondered if the time would ever come when he would tell her so. One thing she had learned from outside report, and that was that he had shown an inexplicable exception in her favor by taking her as a pupil. She discovered, from various sources, that he had given up taking pupils, and that all applications, for a long time past, had been refused. This made her won'der whether her voice might not be better than he had allowed her to know. A more self-conscious woman than Jenny might have attributed his favoritism to personal interest ; but that the god, whom he was in her eyes, should stoop to notice her from any other motive than 20 STRUAN interest in her music never crossed her unsuspect- ing mind. It was as a being far removed from her sphere, and totally beyond her reach, that she thought of him. It greatly disturbed her, there- fore, to realize that he was possessed by a very ungodlike spirit of sadness. Often she would go through a whole lesson preoccupied by this con- sciousness about him. As she stood a little back of him, while he played her accompaniments, she would look down upon his face, and fancy that she saw scored there the plain indications of sorrow. The eyes, which followed the notes automatically across the page, looked sometimes fierce and gloomy under the contracted brows. The rather short nose and firm mouth had, she imagined, a look of self-repression. Jenny often wished that it were possible for her to express some sympathy for him, but she never for an instant conceived that this could be. Sometimes she did make the effort to put it into her voice ; and she would then fancy, though he said nothing, that perhaps he felt it. She never dared hope, though, that he recognized any per- sonal element in it. Indeed, it would have fright- ened her to have this so. On one day she became certain that the currents of their feelings met, and flowed together. She STRUAN 21 had brought a new song to sing for him, one that she had practised beforehand with great care. When the song ended, however, he did not so much as look at her ; but he said : lt I must tell you that I underestimated your voice. It is, as I said, not great ; but it is very far beyond the mediocrity with which you once said that you would be content." " I said that only supposing I discovered that it was the best attainable, and I never ceased to hope for something better," she said. He did not answer, and the lesson ended there. II, TWO or three lessons went by, almost as devoid of any personal relationship be- tween teacher and pupil as if both had been ingeniously constructed machines. Jenny felt that she was learning, as if by magic, but it irked her spirit a little that her master was so silent. At last, one day, at the close of her lesson, Struan turned abruptly from the piano, and, throw-- ing himself, in an impulsive way that he had, into a big chair, said : " Sit down a moment. I want to speak to you." Jenny felt surprised. She gave no evidence of this, however, as she took her seat in the cane- backed revolving chair which stood before the desk, and wheeled herself round toward him. She had rolled her song into a slender tube, one end of which she put against her lips, with an instinct to protect herself from a possible betrayal, which might lie in their expression. " I want to tell you," said Struan, abruptly, " that I have it in my power now to get a good engagement for you." 22 STRUAN 23 The girl's eyes showed a sudden fire. " Not really ? " she said. " But I haven't studied enough. I'm not equal to it." " I am prepared to say that you are ; and, if I say so, with the advantages which you possess in yourself, you can get the position. It is a good company, with an honorable and considerate man- agement. If you are going on the stage, you could not do better." " What do you advise ? " she asked breath- lessly. "What I advised at first, that you should give up the idea of the stage." She grew very grave ; and her voice sounded a little hard, as she said : " I am not speaking of advice of that sort. I want your advice as my music-teacher." "Then you don't value it as that of your friend ? " " I didn't know that you were my friend," she said with a suggestion of humility, the first he had ever seen in her. " I am, and I propose now to prove it. When this opportunity came, I thought, with some pride, of giving it to you ; and I must tell you that I be- lieve you could, with this company, make a hit, as they say." 24 STRUAN " Ah ! " she said, throwing up her chin and smiling at him half defiantly under lowered lids, and through long lashes : " that is what I should like, to make a hit! It is the thing of all others which I have thought of with most de- light." She felt his gaze upon her turning cold, and imagined that it was because something in her mood jarred upon him. " I wish you would agree to say nothing but the absolute truth to me in this talk, as if you were on oath," he said. " Now do you mean what you have just said ? " His seriousness perplexed her, and made her also grave. " Do I mean what ? " she asked. " Do you mean that the idea of making a hit on the stage is the thing which you have always thought of with most delight ? " " If I'm under oath," she said, looking away from him, and tapping restlessly on the desk with her roll of music, " I suppose I ought to qualify it by saying the attainable thing." " If you would let me call myself your friend," he said, " I should like to ask what you mean by that. Just at this point of your life I should like you to give me the place and privileges of a friend, STRUAN 25 for reasons which I will presently explain. Could you, without knowing me any better than you do, look upon me as your friend as well as your music- teacher ? for it is in both these positions that I must advise you now." " I am only too thankful to have you for my friend," she said very simply and sweetly. " It is an idea that had not entered my head. I was slow in taking it in." " Then tell me, as your friend, what that unat- tainable thing is which you acknowledge that you have thought of with more delight even than mak- ing a hit on the stage." She felt herself blushing, and was annoyed at the discovery. She got up, without speaking, and went to the piano, where she leaned on her elbow, with her chin in her hand, and began to turn over some music at which she was not looking. " Why don't you answer me ? " said Struan. " It is a matter of importance to me, as your friend. Otherwise I should not ask." " Oh, really," she said with a little embar- rassed laugh, " I couldn't tell you that ! I don't want to say things which I should think silly afterward, and which you would think silly at the time." " If we are ever to get at what I am working 26 STRUAN for, I see I shall have to help you," said Struan, in a practical and reassuring voice. " It's a simple thing, I imagine. Like every woman, you have had dreams of marriage, I suppose ? " Jenny quickly dropped her eyes. " Like every silly school-girl, rather ! " she said, with a little laugh. " Since I have been a woman really, I have put them by." He got up, moving quickly, and crossed to the piano. Then, taking her by both her wrists, he led her, with an urgency which was almost force, back to her former place, and drew his own chair nearer, so that she could not avoid his direct and searching gaze, except by lowering her eyelids, which she did. He waited a moment, and then said in a tone of authority : " Look at me, young lady ! " For a few seconds more her eyes remained cast down, and she was ashamed to feel herself blush- ing again. When she presently looked up, how- ever, she met a gaze so frank and unembarrassed that it quickly reassured her. "You are at a point of your life," said her companion, " when you need a friend. Your own people, whoever they may be, seem to leave you strangely to yourself. The consequences of STRUAN 27 this liberty may be very dangerous, though I see plainly that, up to this point, your freedom has been only an advantage to you. So far, you have used it well. You have not, however, been tried, as you are to be tried now ; and I am afraid to let you go through the ordeal alone. I intend to be to you, at this point of your life, the friend that you need. In order that I may do that, we must speak to each other very frankly. You must tell me, then, why you have put aside your dreams of marriage." She returned his direct gaze with one of equal candor. " Because I found that they were ridiculous," she said. " They were overstrained, sentimental, Utopian, and all the rest of it ! It's hard for me to realize it now, but I used to be exceedingly romantic." " Used to be ! " he said, smiling. " Why, your head's as packed with romance now as a rosebud is with perfume ! And why shouldn't it be ? Why should you ever have tried to prevent it ? I can assure you that romance is as alive in the world to-day as it ever was, and will continue to be the most living thing that there is, as long as human nature lasts ; that is, if what you mean by romance is the love between men and women." 28 STRUAN He looked straight at her to see if she would wince under his plain speaking, but she took it perfectly simply. " Don't you believe me ? " he said. She nodded her head. u Yes, I believe you," she answered ; " but what I don't believe is that that is for me." " And why not for you ? " She shook her head backward with a childish motion of petulance. " Oh, because," she said, " the men who have called themselves in love with me have never made me feel anything but indignation and con- tempt. I'd rather be the grimmest sort of old maid, hard and thin and ugly, than become house- keeper to one of those creatures, with their lim- ited ideas of love." His eyes were upon her with a look of kindly encouragement which took away all sense of em- barassment, as he said : " You consider their ideas of love limited, do you ? And yours, then, how are they ? " " Do you want me to tell you, really ? " she said. " You wouldn't laugh at me ? " " Not for the world ! " " I think," she said, feeling an impulse of de- light in speaking out at last, "I think my ideas STRUAN 29 of love are unlimited, so long as it is real love. That seems to me the only thing that is worth sacrificing everything for, ambition and every- thing. It's nothing for me to talk about it, as I've given up thinking of it for myself; but love means all that to me or it means nothing. Per- haps it would be truer to say that it used to mean all that, but now it means nothing." " You will meet some one who will make it mean all that to you again," said Struan, suddenly. Since he had forced her into the seat facing him, he had retained her hands in his, in the effort to compel her attention and to force her to meet his gaze. As he said these last words, she looked at him with a swift, astonished, half-frightened glance that pierced swiftly to his heart. He be- came suddenly conscious that he was holding her hands, then that the consciousness was sweet. He held them a second longer, while this sense quickened within him. Then he dropped them suddenly, and rose to his feet. He crossed the floor, drank a glass of water, raised a blind to let in more light, and then, com- ing back, took the desk-chair which she had oc- cupied at first, and resumed the conversation. There was a change, however, in both his look and his tone, as he said ; 30 STRUAN " You will have to decide for yourself whether you will take the engagement I can secure for you or not. When you come to your next lesson, I shall expect you to be ready with your decision." " I am ready now. I accept it," she said promptly. " I cannot take any such hasty decision. You are ignorant of the dangers and temptations of the life that you would be entering upon, especially if you make a success." " I am not concerned about the temptations," she said : " I am concerned only about the suc- cess." " You imagine yourself very strong ! " " No, I imagine myself weak, if tempted ; but I am not likely to be tempted." " What do you mean by tempted ? tempted to do wrong ? " " What do you mean by doing wrong ? " she astonished him by answering boldly. " There is no temptation that I dread except the tempta- tion to take less than I want, in the way of love. That would be my idea of wrong, and I'm not afraid of doing that." " But you may meet a man who could give you, in marriage, all that you desire." " Yes, so I may ! And so the skies may fall ! " STRUAN 3 1 Her manner, as she said this, forced a smile from him ; but he went on in a business-like tone : " I ought to lay before you these facts. Your engagement by this company is a first-rate chance for you. If you study hard, and do as well as I believe you can do, you ought to rise rapidly. But, if you get to the top, what is it ? A name tossed about from lip to lip, with doubtful respect, if undoubted admiration ; hard work day after day, and triumphs night after night, which would probably pall upon you soon ; a good income, per- haps, to spend upon clothes and jewelry ; and lovers or would-be lovers by the score." " I don't mind the latter," she said ; " and all the rest of the picture I like, even the work. Money to spend on clothes and jewelry is a thing I've longed for. Why not ? It's very inno- cent." "Yes," he said, his face half-sad and half-smil- ing, " it's innocent ; but one soon comes to the end of that." "Well, I want to come to the end of it, then ! " " You don't wish to be serious, I see." " I am serious, I assure you. I mean exactly what I say. I don't want you to think me more than I am." 32 STRUAN " I wish I knew exactly what you are. The advice which I had meant to give you, there seems somehow no place for. I meant to tell you of this opening, and then advise you, if you would be wise and prudent, to go back to the country, and marry there among your own people, rather than spend the bloom of your life a petted little singer of light comedy, and all the long remainder of it a prey to disappointment and regret." " I haven't much opinion of life," she said bluntly. " It's all pretty bad, I fancy ; and middle age and old age are bound to be so. If I can get something out of youth, I shall rejoice ; for it's more than most do. But let me answer you," she added with a change of tone. " In the first place, my marrying any of the creatures I won't call them men ! in the neighborhood of my home is out of the question. And your sug- gestion of the brief period of success upon the stage does not frighten me in the least. The fact that it was success would give me something pleasant to remember, and my old age would have less of regret in it than if I had lived the empty life of most of the girls I have known."